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s8ncake · 3 years

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Satan x Reader, NSFW

My Secret Santa gift for a friend on my Obey Me Discord server! (please enjoy my first nsfw piece)

word count: 4.4k

Summary: Satan is in heat, and you are determined to help him every step of the way.

Other relevant tags: Jealousy, biting

Note: Pronouns aren’t used, but the reader is afab

It starts with eyes following your every move. Satan staring at you isn’t exactly uncommon, but it’s never this intense. This… dark.

Is he okay?

It’s hard to tell. Because as much as you try to bridge the distance between you, he always ends up pulling away before you can get to close. Almost like he’s afraid.

But it’s never been this bad. Not enough for him to leave the room without even saying hello. You turn around to follow him before Lucifer grabs your shoulder.

His gaze is as stern as ever. “Leave him be. You’ll be in danger otherwise.”

Lucifer being cryptic and overbearing isn’t exactly new, but this warning still throws you for a loop. “What makes you say that?”

A pause. He seems to mull something over. “Satan is… different from the rest of us. Once every 200 years his other sins take root, and they threaten to overwhelm him.”

A pang of sympathy runs through you. Satan has spoken with you about his anger before, about how much he struggles to keep it all in check. From the moment he was born, he had to keep himself contained. Hidden away.

The word monster is never used, but it’s heavily implied. In the self loathing that drips off of his tongue, in the way he never does anything more than hold your hand. Satan is a man who has struggled to accept himself throughout his entire life.

It’s something you can relate to. Your problems are entirely different from his own of course, but existing is rough. And on the days that it’s at its worse, Satan is there. Whether it’s reading you a book or showing off some of the neighborhood cats, you are grateful to have him in your life.

So it’s only natural for you to want to make his life better in return. Just like the dozens of times that Satan has supported you… you are determined to do the same. Lucifer’s warning be damned.

Whatever Satan is going through, he shouldn’t have to go through it alone. Even if it’s just talking over the phone, even if the distance between the two of you can’t be breached, you make a promise to yourself, then and there.

No matter what, you are going to be there for him, every step of the way.

Lucifer continues, completely unaware of your plan. “Wrath is an interesting emotion, one that can cause everything else to burn brighter. He will get over this soon. But until then, it is best that you stay away. His self control is not infallible.”

His concern is noted, but also unneeded. Even though Satan is the Avatar of Wrath, you trust him. More than you’ve ever trusted anyone in your entire life. And the very self control that Lucifer claims to be imperfect is the reason why. Satan won’t hurt you. He can’t.

...Well, not in the ways that matter. There won’t be any broken bones or copious amounts of blood; of that you’re certain. Even if this plan goes downhill, you’ll live. Satan may be a demon, but he’s also your demon.

So you have nothing to lose.

You nod along to the rest of Lucifer’s lecture. And once the demon leaves, you head towards Satan’s room.

~~~~

He isn’t there. His bedroom. The common room. RAD’s library. For some reason the demon seems particularly elusive now that you want to find him. Figures.

Your stomach lets out a rumble, and with a heavy heart you realize you’ll have to end your search. For now at least. There’s no use looking for him on an empty stomach.

Thankfully the kitchen isn’t far. And your day is absolutely made once you spot the demon rummaging around in it. Satan is opening every cabinet imaginable and emptying it’s contents down his throat. You’ve never seen him this sloppy before. In a way, it’s kinda cute.

A giggle escapes your lips, and Satan immediately whips his body around. His face flushes once he spots you. The demon lets out an awkward cough as he hides an empty bag of chips behind his back. “Good morning.”

It’s late afternoon, not morning at all. But you still decide to humor him. “Good morning to you too. Did you sleep well?”

His face flushes brighter, and he begins to fidget. “Yes! Fine I mean, I slept fine. Sleeping was definitely something that I did.”

“I can tell.”

A pause. Satan’s face has only grown more red. Beads of sweat trickle down his neck. His expression looks pained, and you would give anything to wipe it away. “Are you okay.”

“No.”

His gaze drops to the floor. “I’m…”

He struggles for words, but you gently shush him with one of your fingers. The touch is light, barely even there, yet his entire body shudders all the same. “It’s okay. Lucifer’s already explained everything.”

Satan takes a deep breath, and the empty bag that he was holding falls to the floor. A part of him seems to give in, if only for a moment, as he rests his head on your shoulder. His nose brushes up against your neck.

He breathes in your scent, although you aren’t wearing any perfume. Perhaps it’s a demon thing. The action seems to soothe him, and eventually he collects himself.

Satan pulls away, his face now an impenetrable mask. “The closest equivalent is a heat.”

“You mean like what animals go through?”

Satan nods. “It's a lot like that, although for me things are a little more… complex.”

That’s right. Lucifer mentioned that his other sins take over. Clearly he was struggling with gluttony a moment ago, but pride, greed, envy, lust... It really must be overwhelming, to experience all of that at once. And while you can’t help with most of them; There is one sin on there that you can help him work his way through. One that, if you’re being completely honest, you feel around him quite often.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

The innuendo isn’t lost on him. His breath hitches, and he takes a tiny step back. “You can stay away from me.”

He says that, but he doesn’t try to move away from you when you step closer. His blushing cheeks, the dilated pupils of his eyes; it all gives him away.

“But that’s not what you want, is it?”

Satan scowls. “What I want isn’t important.”

“Of course it is. I know you’re worried but—“

You reach towards him, and he lightly bats your hand away. “Do you think you’re safe?”

A growl. His fist clenches. “You’re not. It’s barely set in, and even now I—“

The door is thrown open. A very familiar demon walks in the kitchen, one whose stomach lets out a rumbling growl. Beel greets the two of you, and immediately opens the refrigerator. It’s completely barren.

The demon frowns. Judging by the guilty look that’s formed on Satan’s face, it isn’t hard to figure out who the culprit is. His heat must have truly been getting to him, if he went and devoured all of Beel’s food as well. Although that’s still somewhat his fault, it’s not something he deserves to be punished over.

So you take a box out of your bag, one with a ribbon wrapped around it, and offer it to Beel with a grin. “I got these tarts from Madam Devian’s. You can have them if you want.”

Beel’s eyes light up. He opens the box, his gaze traveling over each and every tart before landing on your face. “We’ll share them.”

~~~~

When Beel first said that, you would never have pictured him feeding it to you. Yet here the two of you are, brushing your fingers against each other's mouth as you giggle and wipe away crumbs.

Satan didn’t join you, but he has yet to leave the room. Instead he simply stands there. Watching.

You turn towards him and wave a tart in the air. “Do you want any?”

His eyes narrow. “I’m not hungry.”

He says that, but you can feel the hunger in his gaze. It follows your frame, and grows when Beel hand-feeds you another tart. A glow, green and full of envy, is locked onto the two of you. The intensity, the beauty of it all, threatens to set you aflame.

You aren’t trying to make him mad of course. But you get the feeling that it would happen no matter what. Satan is more irritable now, and that becomes incredibly obvious as time goes on. It won’t be long before something sets him off.

Your thoughts are interrupted by one of Beel’s fingers brushing up against your lips. A gasp, soft and light, leaves your mouth. In the distance you can hear some sort of snarl. It sounds like an animal, one who’s just had their territory encroached upon.

Beel’s touch doesn’t linger. He quickly pulls away, and there’s a dollop of cream on his finger. The demon lets out a satisfied hum as he plops it into his mouth. “Thanks.”

As if he asked you for permission. Still, you can’t help but chuckle. “You’re welcome.”

More tarts flow between the two of you. There are more in this box then you thought, definitely too many to finish on your own. Beel presses another one to your lips, and laughs. “You’ve got some on your nose this time.”

And that, apparently, was the final straw.

Beel’s hand reaches out to touch you, but Satan is quicker. He growls and grabs Beel’s arm, his claws clinching into the fabric. For a split second, you could have sworn that his eyes started to glow even brighter. “I’ll get it.”

Beel frowns. “Satan—“

You place your hand over Satan’s, and the demon drops Beel’s arm in favor of holding onto you instead. Your fingers intertwine, but Satan’s glare doesn’t waver.

Still, you do your best to reassure Beel with a smile. “It’s fine.”

He doesn’t seem to believe you, not completely at least. Yet none of that matters. Satan is already determined to have every bit of your attention. “Look at me.”

It’s a command, and once your eyes meet everything stills. Satan’s breath hitches. A layer of tension blankets the room. He leans in, and for a brief moment you think he’s going to kiss you. But his lips never make contact.

A pause, and then you feel one of his fingers brush up against your nose. He steps back and plops the digit into his mouth. Something about the act seems… lewd. You automatically turn to Beel instead. “Are you okay?”

Beel nods. “I’m fine.”

His gaze travels over to Satan, who already seems to be staring at him with the intent to kill. It then lands on you. “I think you should stay with me tonight. It’d be safer.”

“Belphie already takes up enough room in your bed as is. Besides, I have a lock.” It’s not a lock you plan on using, but it does exist.

“That won’t deter him. It barely deters me.”

“What do you mean?”

Beel’s eyes widen, and then he lets out a flustered cough. “I still get nightmares sometimes, and having you near helps me feel better. ...I think it’s because you’re so sweet. You chase all of the bad dreams away.”

Your heart melts in response. It’s only natural to abandon Satan’s hand in favor of wrapping your arms around Beel, to assure him that everything’s going to be okay. He always goes out of his way to protect the people around him, but who is there to look out for him in return? “I can stay with you tonight if you want.”

Beel glances at his older brother before letting out a sigh. “No. I think I’ll be fine for now. Just call me if Satan starts bothering you.”

“I will. But I expect you to do the same if you have another nightmare.”

He grins. “I can do that. And thanks for the tarts.”

“Anytime!”

The moment Beel leaves the kitchen, Satan’s grip around your hand tightens. It doesn’t hurt, but the message is clear. You aren’t going anywhere.

His expression looks neutral. Measured. The mask is back on once more. “Before you leave, can you come with me? I believe you left one of your books in my room.”

It’s all a formality, but you nod your head. There is a small chance that Satan is telling the truth, although you highly doubt it. All of your textbooks and novels are safe in your room. It’s clearly a ploy to get the two of you alone. But that idea doesn’t bother you as much as it should. You trust him after all.

So you allow Satan to escort you to his bedroom, where the two of you will finally be alone.

~~~~

To your complete surprise, one of your books is actually there, although it’s one you had forgotten about. You lent him one of your favorite ages ago, when he had mentioned that he wanted to read more literature from the human world.

It’s a story you had read dozens of times, but it’s not one you read anymore. You no longer have the time, and even then you’ve grown so much since then. So perhaps it’s only natural to place the book back into Satan’s arms. “You can keep it.”

There’s something comforting about giving it to him. Although Satan has dozens of books, each and every one of them is looked after and held in perfect condition. He treats them with kindness, as if they were made from glass. In comparison to his strength, they probably are. Your book, one of your greatest treasures, will be loved under his care.

Satan’s eyes widen, and he gasps when your hands meet. His Adam’s apple bobs. A thank you leaves his lips, the gratitude rolling off of him in waves. He clutches it to his chest, and seems to breathe in its scent. Or maybe he’s smelling you again. Who knows?

After a second or two he perks up. “Allow me to give you one of mine in return. Anything from the second shelf to your right is free for you to take.”

You feel his eyes watch you as you wander off to look at the bookshelf in question. There’s one, a title that catches your eye. You reach up to grab it, and falter for a moment when you feel his gaze practically caress your ass.

This is fine. You take a deep breath in order to calm your racing heart, and grab a book from one of the top shelves. Once you flip through the pages, it becomes incredibly clear that you’ve grabbed a children’s book. Given the title, that’s not a surprise. The Cupcake Knight and the Fallen Kingdom.

The Knight is indeed a gigantic cupcake, one with big googly eyes and multiple limbs. The artwork is vivid and fun. You laugh as you turn another page, and notice that the fallen kingdom is nothing more than a gigantic wedding cake. “Beel would love this.”

Satan is by your side in an instant. He snarls, and smacks the book out of your hands. It falls to the floor unharmed and closed shut. The demon, needless to say, looks upset. “I didn’t realize you and Beel were so close.”

His flushing cheeks, the anger that has tensed his shoulders and made him look at you with nothing more than a glare; it all points to one thing. He’s jealous.

You can’t help but roll your eyes. Satan has nothing to be jealous over. There is only one demon in the Devildom that’s stolen your heart, and that’s him. You love his brothers, that’s true. But you love Satan in an entirely different way.

One that has you comfortably chilling in his bedroom while he’s in heat, on the off chance that you might get railed. “I enjoy hanging out with him, but we’re just friends. You know that.”

Satan doesn’t seem to believe you. “Do I?”

He draws closer. You take several steps back, and are surprised to find yourself bumping into his bed. There’s nowhere to run. Satan has you trapped. The arousal begins to make your brain fog, especially once the distance between the two of you finally closes.

His nose sniffs at your neck. “His stench is all over you. You were eating out of the palm of his hand. And from the way he was looking at you…”

He whispers the words against your throat. “You would have been eaten, then and there.”

He presses a kiss along your pulse. A shiver runs through your spine as his mouth travels down lower. “But the only one who will be eating you is me.”

A growl. “You’re mine.”

And then his teeth sink into the junction between your shoulder and neck. It’s painful, but not overwhelmingly so. The wound is incredibly shallow. A gasp falls from your lips, one that quickly morphs into a moan once he begins licking the tiny droplets of blood that’ve sprung forth.

Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. The words are whispers against your skin, alongside the dozens of hickeys that he’s starting to pepper it with.

He’s desperate. You can tell from how he clings to you, and from the way his breath hitches when your hands glide over the tent in his pants. Satan growls, and then pushes you down on his bed.

He’s hovering over you now, face flushed and a ravenous gleam in his eye. Yet there’s something else there, a tiny pinprick of doubt that is all too familiar to you. He’s afraid. Whether it’s of his own feelings or it’s the possibility that he might hurt you, you can’t be sure. But even like this, Satan summons up one last desperate attempt to push you away “I need you to stop me. Tell me that I’m a monster, and that you want me to leave.”

That’s the last thing you want him to do

“Satan, I want you to fuck me.”

There’s a sharp intake of breath. Satan’s grip on you tightens.

You reach out, and caress his cheek. “I don’t want anyone else other than you.”

And with that last sentence, Satan finally breaks. Your lips meet in a passionate kiss, one that takes you by surprise. The demon already seems determined to explore every inch of you with his tongue. But you have absolutely no problem with that.

Your hands tangle themselves in his hair, and his tail wraps around your waist, tugging you closer together. One of his fangs nicks your lip, and the moment your blood hits his tongue, he moans.

“Fuck.” His voice sounds completely wrecked. Buttons fly everywhere. Your entire uniform is absolutely ruined. Yet you don’t care, especially when Satan’s mouth travels down lower, and he gently pushes your legs apart. “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted you.”

You’re unable to smother a curse of your own once he starts mouthing the wet fabric of your underwear. Your hands make their way to his hair, and you tug at the strands once another wave of pleasure runs through you.

He eventually tugs at the barrier separating him from his goal, but it doesn’t budge. Before you can lift up your hips in order to help him, you hear a piece of elastic snap. Satan had bitten into one of the straps of your underwear, tearing it in half. The garment falls to the floor. With your cunt and your entire body now exposed before him, he gets to work.

Satan leaves a mark on your thigh before his lips brush up against your core. He lets out a pleased him once he tastes you, and dives right in.

He immediately focuses on your clit. His tongue moves around in random patterns, which has you moaning his name. The pleasure is almost too much to handle. You knew that you’d be experiencing it of course, but you didn’t expect Satan to be so focused on it. Especially given his current condition.

But the demon eats you out as if he can’t get enough. As you are the most delicious thing he’s ever tasted. Satan groans into you, and the vibrations from that act alone are enough to send you over the edge.

You tighten your hands in his hair, and cum. Satan laps up each and every drop. And when he pulls away, you see him lick his lips. “You taste even better then I imagined.”

He’s beautiful like this. With his inhibitions cast aside, and pupils dilated. But he would look even more breathtaking without any clothes.

His boa fell off a long time ago, and you pathetically paw at the ribbon on his chest. The knot is too complex, and only seems to tighten as you tug on it. You’ve never hated the damned thing more than you do now.

A frustrated whine spills from your lips, one that Satan quickly smothers with a kiss. There’s a rip, followed by the sound of something tearing, and Satan’s entire outfit lays in tatters across the floor.

It seems he did all of the work for you.

His fingers start to skim over his handiwork, before they poke and prod at your entrance. Several of them slide in, and you immediately moan. It didn’t take long for him to find the spot that he was looking for. He looks like the cat that got the cream (which he technically did, about a minute ago). His smug grin only grows wider when you begin to grind into his fingers. And then, he fucks you with them.

You gasp and claw at the sheets. The demon’s pace is ruthless, yet it isn’t enough. You want him. And while his fingers are nice… you’d rather be cumming around something else.

“Please, I need—“ It comes out as a whine, needy and high pitched. But Satan seems to listen to you. For a brief and horrible moment, you're empty. Your thighs and your pussy clench around nothing.

Thankfully you don’t have to finish your sentence from before. The two of you are on the same page. He lines up his cock, and then eases himself inside of you.

It’s slow, but he fills you up perfectly. As if he were made to do so. Another inch, and Satan groans into your shoulder. “Fuck. You’re perfect.”

Words fail you right now. The most you can do is dig your nails into his back. There’s no pain, only a sense of ease. As if you are two puzzle pieces finally sliding into place.

He bottoms out, and everything stills. Satan is big, but not overwhelmingly so. It’s enough to make you feel full, more full then you’ve ever felt in your entire life.

His cock is everything you could have dreamed of, and more.

No toy, nothing you own, will ever be able to satisfy you like this. The ridges… the shape… You move, and feel every bit of him gently scrape against your walls. It’s too much. Your legs already feel weak.

You whine out his name, and he immediately takes the lead. His hands intertwine themselves with your own as he pins you to the bed. He thrusts his hips forward, and his cock brushes up against that spot from earlier. Pure pleasure. Pure euphoria. The bed frame shakes.

Everything about this is amazing. Perfect. And the words tumble out of your mouth before you can stop them.

“I love you.”

Satan stills, and for a split second you worry that you’ve scared him off. But that doubt vanishes immediately with another thrust, this one harder than the last.

You gasp. Your hands twitch in a desperate attempt to move them, to drag Satan’s body closer towards you, but he still has you restrained. He growls into your ear, “Again.”

The only thing that leaves your mouth is a garbled moan. Satan pulls back, and pushes himself into you once more. “Tell me that again.”

And you do. The words spill out of your mouth, over and over in a never ending loop. I love you.

Satan doesn’t respond, not with words at least. He can’t. The only thing he can produce is growls and moans, both of which send shivers down your spine. And there’s another noise, a low and rumbling sound that spills out of his throat. You’re able to put a name to it a second later. It’s a purr. Satan is purring. And it gets louder with each and every thrust. With each and every declaration of love that escapes your lips.

He cums, and his teeth sink into your shoulder. The wound isn’t deep, but the brief flicker of pain combined with the feeling of him filling you up is enough to make you climax as well.

And once you’ve come down from your high, you can feel Satan’s tongue lightly trace over the mark in question.

A contented sigh escapes your lips. “I love you.”

The words are softer now, but it still has Satan blushing all the same. He buries his head into your chest. It’s muffled, quiet, but you can feel his response as he mumbles it against your skin. “I love you too.”

He’s still purring, and that sound grows louder when your hands tangle themselves in his hair. After a moment for two, you feel something hard poke your thigh. It isn’t difficult to figure out what it is. Apparently Satan isn’t quite done with you yet.

You laugh. “Still in heat, are you?”

He frowns, and then towers over you once more, his eyes blown with lust. The demon’s gaze travels across your body, along each and every mark that he’s made. There’s a smugness in the way his fingers begin to skim over them.

“Didn’t you know? My heat can last for weeks at a time. I’ll take care of you of course, but I hope you don’t have any plans coming up soon.”

His voice lowers. It’s more than just a sultry purr. It’s a promise, one that has you wet with anticipation. “You won’t be leaving this bed for a while.”

#obey me #omnsfw #minors dni #obey me satan #satan x reader #satan x mc #the reader is gender neutral #afab!reader #my writing!

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90spumkin · 4 years

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Love Knows No Bounds

Summary: This is just a cute little fic about Spencer being a Dad because I feel that we were rob of that.

A/N: So what do I do with my spare time after testing positive for Covid? I write this gem instead of doing my psychology homework or editing ‘Unexpected Switch Part Three’. I hope you all enjoy this though.

Warning: None... I don’t think...I’m always scared that I’m going to forget something and not warn ya’ll so like always if you see anything please tell me!

Word Count: 1501

Spencer Reid could say the word love in multiple languages. He could give you synonyms for the word that you would have to google to even know existed. But he found it hard to describe what love felt like, especially in this moment.

As he held his precious newborn baby daughter for the very first time, he realized the love he was feeling was so overwhelming hard to describe. As he ran his thumb across the baby’s soft cheek and smiled, he came to the conclusion that this love was just a pure love. It is so different from the love he has for his wife, his mom, or his BAU team.

He looked up from the bundle in his arms to see his wife smiling from her hospital bed as she watched him bond with their baby. He smiled back and walked over and gave her a kiss on the forehead all while ushering her ‘to get some sleep’.

The nurse walks in not long after to check the vitals of his wife and daughter and she notices that he couldn’t take his eyes off either of the sleeping females. She smiled and asks, “May I ask how you came up with the baby girl’s name?”

Spencer’s smile was so big it took up most of his face as he told the nurse, “Eliza is for my wife’s mother, Diana is my mother’s name, and Faith is for the faith we had that this pregnancy would be the one we longed for after two miscarriages.”

The nurse finished checking the vitals and told Spencer, “Well it is a very lovely name.”

Spencer just kind of laughed to himself and said to himself after the nurse was long gone, “It is the loveliest name for the loveliest girl.”

——

It has been 5 years since the first day Spencer held his baby girl for the first time. And the love he felt then seems to only get stronger every day if that is even possible.

As he sits in his favorite chair reading to Eliza and listening to his wife singe while she cooks in the kitchen after long week gone due to a case; Spencer is overwhelmed once again with love.

He finishes the book only to have Eliza climb down from his lap and disappear into her room. She then comes running back with another book and says, “Please Daddy just one more?” She gives him her big brown puppy dog eyes that mirror his own and he can’t help but to sit her in his lap once more and begin reading.

All while this is happening his wife is watching and still quietly singing with a smile on her face while she to is overwhelmed with love.

————

Love can be shown in many ways and the worry and protectiveness Spencer was feeling right now was a prime example. Him and his wife new that Eliza would be special since a very young age, but it never once crossed Spencer’s mind that she would get bullied for it. He did not feel like a genius for not thinking of this considering he too got bullied in school for being “to smart”.

As Eliza sat between Spencer and his wife, he could hear her tiny sobs and her whispers of continuously asking, “Why do they hate me?”

This absolutely broke Spencer’s heart. His wife was smoothing their daughters hair down and soothingly trying to talk to her when Eliza sat up and look Spencer right in the eyes and said, “I blame you!” and stormed into her room and slammed the door.

Spencer was in so much shock that he hadn’t realized he had tears forming in his eyes. His wife got his attention and told me, “Spence go talk to her. She’s just hurt and needs her Dad no matter what she says.”

Spencer nodded, gave his wife a kiss, and walked to his crying daughters room. He knocked once he reached her door and when he got no response, he hesitantly opened the door. He found Eliza sitting on her bed with dry tear stains on her cheeks and small hiccups. She looked up as he entered, and she threw her arms around him and apologized over and over for saying what she did.

Spencer hugged his little girl back tightly and they sat on her bed and he began to tell her of all the great things she will be able to accomplish with her brilliant mind. He threw some funny stories in there so he could hear her sweet laugh and see her face brighten up as she smiled.

It did not take long till she had fallen asleep, worn out by all the crying. As he sat and watched his sweet Eliza sleep, he made a vow to do everything his power to never let her feel like this ever again.

———-

Spencer was once again recalling how love has many forms, and this time love was causing him pain. Eliza was in her 10th year of high school, and the youngest of her class she was bound to go through some phases. Well she was going through one heck of a rebellious stage.

“Eliza Diana Faith Reid get in here now!” He had to force himself to calm down trying not to get to worked up. His wife ran a hand across his back trying to calm him some before their daughter walked in.

She came into the living room and ask, “What?” with so much attitude it took everything Spencer had to not just ground her right then and there without getting an explanation for what he had summoned her for.

He held up a pregnancy test he had accidentally found while gathering the trash from her bedroom earlier that day.

“Do you care to explain why you have a used pregnancy test in your bedroom?” He asked as calmly as he possibly could.

Eliza stood there in fear, “It’s not mine I promise! Ummm, Teresa got involved with this senior and she was scared to take the test at her house, so she took it here. I did not realize she had thrown it away here. You have to believe me Dad!”

Spencer pinched the bridge of his nose as his wife says, “Teresa was here Tuesday it is very possible.”

The intelligent Doctor looked between his wife and daughter and realized that Eliza’s fear was not fear of consequences but fear of him not trusting her. Spencer nodded and whispered a small, “Okay I believe you.”

Eliza gave both her parents quick hugs before returning to her room.

Spencer practically threw himself onto the couch and his wife followed him. They looked at each other and began to laugh at the events that had just played out. Spencer thought how love had made it painful to accuse his daughter of a rebellious act, but how it made him happy knowing by the look on his daughter’s face she would never go that far to disappoint him.

——-

Love has made Spencer feel many other different emotions over the years and today was no different. As he sat watching his wife a daughter scream and jump with joy, what Spencer was feeling was pride.

His sweet Eliza was accepted to many different colleges across the U.S. and a few abroad, but none of them had been her dream school until her acceptance letter from Harvard came in.

“I can’t believe I got in! The Law School program at that!” Eliza all but squealed.

Spencer chuckled and said, “I still don’t see why you wasn’t this excited about CalTech?”

Eliza just rolled her eyes and groaned. Spencer once again chuckled and hugged his daughter and told her, “I am so happy for you and beyond proud of you baby girl!”

He looked up at his wife over their daughters’ shoulder and saw she was taking a picture to capture this love filled moment.

———-

As Spencer walked down the aisle to give his baby girl away, he remembered every moment he had with his daughter. His eidetic memory not letting him miss a single thing. He felt the same overwhelming love then as he had the first day he held her in his arms.

He stood at the alter to give his precious Eliza away to the man who would now get the chance to feel the love that knowing her brings. As he goes to part from her, she hugs him and whispers, “I love you more than you could ever imagine.” As they pull away with tears in bother their eyes he smiles and tell her, “I love you more than humanly possible.” She gives a small laugh as she joins her future husband he sits beside his wife. And she takes his hand and he kisses the crown of her head and listens to Eliza say her vows he cannot help but to agree when she says, “Love knows no bounds.”

@criminalmindzjunkie @hendersonsshadow @brooklynxnicole

#spencer reid #spencer reid fic #fic #fanfic #spencer reid dad #spencer reid fluff

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kindness-bliss · 3 years

Text

New Beginnings Ch. 11

Timothy Thatcher x OC

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: none

Tim looked outside as he watched them drive off and rubbed his face and leaned against the wall and watched them all walk towards him. “I know, I know”

“Do you though ? Do you ?” Candice spat out “What in the absolute fuck were you thinking ? What happened ?”

“I just...I couldn’t handle the alcohol, it hit me all at once and then next thing I knew whats her face shoved her tongue down my throat and then...I was the one who initiated it” he admitted quietly “I was the one who took her to the bathroom to…to do that” Tim said not even being able to say the words

“What the fuck is wrong with you ?!” Oney demanded

Tim shook his head as he debated throwing himself in front of a moving car to end his never ending misery “Guys, Candice please” “No, answer us” Johnny said sternly “Before we all take turns beating the absolute shit out of you, granted Maya clearly did a great job as we can tell by your slight limp and broken bruised nose you shit head !”

“Guys !” Tim exclaimed frustrated as he threw his hands down

“So you see her having a good time with us and Marcel so you decide to fuck someone in a bathroom at her own party when you claimed you were heartbroken and wanted her for yourself ? Instead of being a man and pulling her aside you do that ? To Maya, the legit most nicest and genuine person ?” Oney asks

“Oney….” “No I wanna know, I wanna know what it the absolute fuck went through your head when you decided to pull that shit ?” he repeated “This is a girl who liked you, spent 6 months sad over you while you couldn’t even answer a simple text message or call, you acted like a little bitch for 6 months moaning and complaining when you had absolutely no right to. She reached out, she called, left voicemails and sent text messages to you every fucking day for a month straight and you chose not to respond yet you get pissy because you see her enjoy herself with Marcel and all of us, you get jealous seeing her have fun. You’re bitter” he finally says “You’re nothing but a bitter child stuck inside a 38 year old man's body and you don’t deserve Maya. You don’t deserve her kindness nor her love and care because despite her being all lovey with Marcel tonight everyone here can see she wanted you, she craves you and that’s really fucking sad. But I think it’s time we don’t let that happen, it’s time we as her friends don’t let a 25 year old fall for a 38 year old bitter, disrespectful asswipe.” Tim stood there in silence, swallowing the small amount he had left of pride. For Oney whom he had known for years to reprimand him he knew just how deep and bad shit really was. “Yeah stay quiet buck teeth” Johnny muttered as he pushed past him with Candice and Fabian “Chipped teeth...not buck teeth” Fabian corrected quietly as he waited with them for an uber turning back when Johnny, Candice and Oney weren’t looking and giving him the finger ***** “Your place, not mine” Maya whispered meekly “I wanna be with you in your space, not mine” “Anything you want” Marcel said softly as he noticed her holding his hand tightly in hers. This wasn’t in any way what he wanted for them, especially not for her. He felt disgusted as he drove thinking of how broken she must’ve been seeing that. “I just wanna be with you, anywhere with you” she said quietly as she stared out her window “As long as I’m with you, I’ll be okay” He nodded as he blinked away tears, emotional at hearing her words as he pulled into his apartment building and helped her out She let out a small shaky breath as she held his hand and walked with him towards the elevator taking off Fabian’s suit jacket as she handed it over “You can give this to him when you see him again, it was extremely kind of him” “I will” he said softly as he pressed the button and stood with her with looming silence as the elevator took them up to his apartment “I hate him” she said suddenly “and I’m sorry for everything that I did and said to you while being enamored with him, you didn’t deserve any of that from me”

“Maya, no. Don’t say that, listen things happened tonight and I really think tomorrow you two should talk I can call him over and-”

“No” she answered sternly as she shot him a look full of hurt and anger “It ends here, it dies here. He doesn’t exist to me and that’s that” Marcel simply nodded as he didn’t push the topic any further and walked with her as he opened the door with his key and went to his bedroom to pull out a shirt and sweatpants for her and changed into his usual basketball shorts

“Thanks” she whispered as she stripped down in the bathroom and threw them on immediately taking in his scent and feeling an immense feel of comfort

“You didn’t eat” he said softly “let me get you some cereal at least, you still like lucky charms and almond milk ?” Maya gave a soft grin as she nodded “Yeah...yeah I do, you still remember”

“Of course I do,” Marcel chuckled. “I remember all your likes and dislikes, what shows you love and hate, the fact that you need to sleep on the side by the wall, how you only like your eggs scrambled but never over easy. I remember it all”

She walked over and looked up at him as he caressed his cheek with her hand “You truly never forgot, you remember and you’re always there for me”

“I always will be, no matter what” he whispered as he touched her hand “As much as I’d like to kiss you, I think you should eat and get in bed, you look exhausted as can be. You need proper rest” Maya nodded as she sat at his table and ate the bowl he served in front of her. It softened her seeing Marcel care so much about her and something about this made her see him in a different light. He wasn’t the vain wrestler who was into himself, he was the man she fell in love with 3 years ago who taught everything there was to know about love. “What’s going through your head ?” He asked finally “You can be honest with me, I know you still like him a lot judging by how you reacted tonight” “Marcel...it’s not like that” she explained “It was a shock, that was it. It was just purely shock but just...I don’t wanna talk about it anymore okay ? Can we just stop it please ?” “Absolutely” he nodded as he picked up her plate “Let’s get to bed” She nodded and followed as she laid down and scooted close towards him, going beneath his arm as she snuggled up and looked up at him caressing his cheek with her hand “Hi” he whispered as he gave a soft grin Maya looked in his eyes and sat up as she cradled his face and kissed him deeply “That’s what I wanted to do all night” “I-I…wow” Marcel whispered as he licked his lips “That was just, did-did you just kiss me, is this a dream ?” Maya chuckled as she rolled her eyes “Wow, way to ruin a moment. I’m trying to be romantic over here and do something” “I’m just shocked is all….you like me ? As in like me more than a friend ?” “I do” she admits “I really do, these last 6 months you’ve been there for me in so many ways and you’ve made my life so much better. It’s been hard you know ?” “I do,” Marcel whispered, “But this isn’t exactly how I pictured things working out at all, it’s not how I wanted things to be. I wanted something nice and calm and a bit more romantic” She laughed as she shook her head “Listen life isn’t a fairytale and as much as we’d like to be it’s best just to not expect much and go with the flow. I for one can admit tomorrow I’m probably gonna be hungover and emotional just letting you know ahead “I’ll be here with you” He pet her cheek as he watched her finally drift to sleep “I’ll always be here with you..” **** “Well well if it isn’t my favorite student” Eli grinned as he opened the door into the room at the performance center “You’re bright and early Thatch, love when my worst promo student shows up early to class” he laughed Tim rolled his eyes and sat down “Not today alright ? Just get on with the private class so I can go home already” “Not even a death stare or shove today ? Something really must have you down” He raised a brow as he grabbed a chair and sat in front of him “Tell me” “You haven’t heard ?,” Tim asked surprised. “It’s literally everywhere by now, seriously go check your phone or ask your girlfriend Alli. She has to know” Eli furrowed his brow, taking out his phone and putting it on speaker as he dialed “Baby, hey ! Um have you heard anything about something going down at EVE nightclub in downtown Orlando last night ?” “Oh my god, yes ! So remember Maya ? Maya Dawson ? The girl we met during one of your commercial shoots in LA and had dinner with a few weeks ago ?” Alli asked not even giving him a chance to answer “Well she apparently had a thing with that one loner dude Tim you work with for a hot minute but nothing serious from what I’ve heard, like not instagram official or anything. All she told me was that they made out a few times but nothing too much” Eli nodded as he listened “Oh wow, I didn’t know that. Okay go on….” “So they broke up because she didn’t tell him she was engaged prior to that really cute German dude with the blue eyes who happens to be friends with Tim. Drama ensues, she tells me over brunch he never bothered to respond to anything she sent for 6 whole months and she’s back with Marcel on “friendly terms” well she got that Maxim cover and had a big party last night which we got invited but obviously couldn’t go and well...Tim shows up, gets drunk and fucks none other than Kara Smith in the bathroom of the club ! THE Kara Smith !” Alli exclaimed loudly shaking her head disgusted “NO ! No fucking way ! Um baby, I gotta call you back !” Eli’s eyes widened as he hung up and looked at Tim “You didn’t…. tell me she’s just somehow dramatizing shit” “How the hell does Alli know everything ?” Tim asked “This is weird, this is why I stay away from social media, this isn’t normal” Eli scowled “Jesus christ, you fucked Kara Smith and got away with it. That woman has had it out for Maya for the last year, all because miss bleach blonde can’t stand Maya’s more popular, she’s like 33 having it out against a 25 year old. You literally slept with her worst enemy, how drunk were you ?” “Don’t even remind me” he rubbed his face “I literally am the most hated man in this building, I walked in and immediately it looked like I was gonna get jumped” “And here I thought I was the whore yet I’ve been in a loving relationship for over a year” Eli chuckled “I can’t believe you man, who does that ?” Tim shook his head “I don’t even know how to fix this, or even talk to her” “Don’t” Eli answered “Let her be, this isn’t something women get over fast or ever actually, you’re gonna have to suffer man. And quite frankly you deserve it” He sighed and got up “I’m going home, I don’t feel like being here and quite frankly I don’t wanna hear anymore about how I fucked up” “Since everyone hates you but me just come to my place” he offered “Alli won’t care, plus I’m done here I was just waiting for you to show up” Sure it may have been a pity offer but Tim took it with no hesitation “Alright, I’ll drive behind you” he nodded as they both left **** Maya stirred as she fluttered her eyes open checking her phone for the time, groaning when she saw it was only 8 am , leaning her head back against Marcel's arm as she turned her head and caressed his cheek lightly with her finger tips. She leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his lips taking in all his features, his cheek bones, his soft skin, his chiseled jawline, his defined lips. Everything she loved about him standing out to her as she gulped and moved her hand onto his chest as she kissed him once again slightly deeper, looking into his deep blue eyes once they opened “Maya ?” he whispered as he pet her cheek, slightly confused as she had kissed him. Confused she had initiated their physical contact rather than him like it had always been “Hey” she whispered back “I want you….” Maya finally said “I want you now” As soon as she said those words he leaned in and kissed her ,gently flipping them around so she was on her back as he laid above her and kissed down her neck listening to her loud moans. It had been years since they were together, years since they had last had any kind of physical contact like this. Maya groaned as she felt his hand down her sweats at her core “t-take them off” Marcel did as told, watching her as he moved his fingers in circular motions, breathing deeply as she kissed along his jaw and removed his shirt. He took his time as he continued to kiss focusing on her breasts feeling her arch her back slightly “I can’t, please...now” she whimpered “please” “Are you sure ?” “Yes” she nodded “I’ve been been so sure of something before, yes” He kissed her deeply as he guided himself into her and thrusted in slowly, feeling her nails dig into his shoulder blades “Is it okay ?” “Perfect” she nodded as she hands caressed his face “So perfect, I...I had forgotten how good you feel, how this feels” Marcel gave a soft grin as he kissed her once again and picked up the pace, holding one hip with his hand as he found a perfect rhythm not keeping his eyes off of hers She cradled his face and planted a sloppy kiss on his lips arching her back off the mattress and into his body as far as she could feeling the need getting closer and closer “I’m so close, so fucking close” “Fuck you feel so good” he moaned as he swallowed a deep gulp “Every part of you feels amazing, god I missed you so fucking much Maya, so much” “Marcel...I can’t hold, I can’t” she whimpered as she felt his hot breath in the crook of her neck He pulled out slightly and pushed back in giving a few more hard thrusts as he picked up the pace and felt her walls clench against him “Fuck….” she cried out as she came with him wrapping her arms around neck, riding out what was left of their orgasm with him Marcel collapsed on top of her as he felt her chest rise up and down, her fingers gently playing with his hair

“You okay ?” she asked softly as she lazily kissed his forehead

“I’ve never ever been better” he lifted his chin and looked into her eyes “I haven’t felt like this in a long long time” “Neither have I” she admitted with a smile “Just like old times….”

Marcel blushed at the memories “You mean when we almost got caught by my brother at my mothers house ?”

“And just like that the romance is once again gone” Maya chuckled as she sat up and pulled the sheet up to cover herself

Marcel laughed as he held her hand in his and kissed it “Now, don’t call me cheesy but….will you be my girlfriend...again ?” “After an orgasm like that ? Of course” she joked as she kissed “But honestly, yes. I would love to”

He let out a sigh of relief as he kissed her back “Things are gonna be good, I promise you that”

“No promises” she whispered against his lips “Let’s take it day by day, no pressures no nothing. Just us being together”. She cuddled up against his chest, listening to his heart beat as she dozed back to sleep in his hold ***** “Tim, this is my girlfriend Alli” Eli grinned as he introduced them “Baby, this is Tim”

“I’m loner dude Tim” he said as he offered his hand with a small grin, retracting it when he received a stare back

“You’ll have to excuse her…women sticking together and that whole thing” he whispered lowly as he sat with him “May I offer you something to drink as dinner gets closer to being ready ?” Alli asked “Water, Coffee, tea, soda...a condom” she muttered under her breath “Alli...” Eli looked up at her “Come on, the guy knows he messed up let’s let him not feel like crap for a bit” “I wanna hear it all, all of it. Not one detail left behind” she scowled as she set the table “Come eat” Tim sighed as he got up and sat and told them everything, everything from how to they had met to their first fight, to finding out the truth and to the previous night

“So here I am now, hated by 95% of people at the performance center and with a brand new reputation now so yeah life’s great” Eli turned to Alli who had the same expression he had as they both looked at Tim, Alli being the first to speak as she sipped her wine and let out a deep breath “Tim, do you realize you’re in love ?” “Yeah” he answered quietly, putting his fork down “I do, I realized it last night when I felt myself get angry when I saw her with Marcel enjoying herself. I wasn’t angry because I was jealous or felt possessive, I was angry because she wasn’t with me” Tim admits “because she wasn’t by my side enjoying herself with me and because in that moment it hit me that I majorly messed up. That I was an idiot who let 6 months go by all because I had to be right, I had the need to be in the right when I was in the wrong” “Deep shit” Eli nodded sighing “I just, I just really think you gotta let things cool down for a bit but also send her a text, do what she did to you all those months ago but in your case don’t stop. Do it till you get some kind of response back” “Or maybe not” Alli said softly as she looked at her phone and showed Eli “Oh…” Tim looked up “what ? what happened ?”, he looked as Alii gave Eli a nod and moved his eyes towards her phone. A soft breath escaping his lips as he stared at the image in front of him, a picture of Marcel and Maya’s hands intertwined via his IG account marcel.barthel.wwe “Matching and hand holding with my favorite girl❤️👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨”

“Back together I see” Tim nodded “Well that’s perfectly fine, it’s their right” “I’m gonna um load the dish washer” Alli grinned as she got up quickly and left to the kitchen, Eli following shortly behind her “Be right back man” he coughed leaving his phone behind on the table Tim looked around as he picked up the phone and unlocked it easily with Eli’s birthday, sure it was wrong as hell but curiosity had gotten the best of him. He quickly went to the instagram app and looked up Marcel’s profile, shaking his head when he saw everyone comment @candicelerae omg love birds ! I can’t handle the cuteness, double date soon please 😍 @thejohnnygargano what she said👆🏻, also u 2 make me wanna puke (in a good way) @indihartwell my other mom and dad, so cute 💕 @fabian.aichnerwwe so I take it you’re gonna take his gym pics now ? @wwestardestroyer I swear if you guys don’t get a damn room already 🤮🤮🤮 “Jerks” Tim muttered as he put the phone down and crossed his arms. Perhaps this was the end of good things for him, or maybe just this once he’d get out of his own shell and go for it.

#timothy thatcher #timothy thatcher fic #timothy thatcher x oc #timothy thatcher imagine #marcel barthel #marcel barthel fic #marcel barthel imagine #nxt #nxt imagine

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specterchasing-a · 3 years

Text

Sucker Punch || Alfie & Eddie

TIMING: The day after I Swear It’s The Truth

LOCATION: Eddie’s apartment, downtown White Crest

PARTIES: @yikesimonfire and @specterchasing

SUMMARY: Nothing will ever be the same for Alfie and Eddie, and now they know why.

CONTENT: Internalized homophobia tw, homophobia tw, emotional abuse tw

(This is an emotionally heavy thread. Let one of us know if you need a summary.)

It wasn’t often that Alfie found himself at Eddie’s apartment. For the most part, the time they spent together was almost exclusively at his place. Even when he dog-sat Bucket, the pomeranian was dropped off at Alfie’s. He never complained. In fact, it was more convenient that way, even when he was decidedly too busy to entertain guests. But things were different now. Bex was in the picture; not as one of Eddie’s friends, but his girlfriend. Not even 24 hours in, Alfie was struggling with the concept. It shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did. It should have been fine. He should have been happy for him — he wasn’t. The thought made him sick.

He thought about cancelling. Throughout the day, Alfie composed several messages to his friend as a means to get out of their plans, but he couldn’t bring himself to hit send. He couldn’t back out. Not now; not on Eddie. Not when the plans were made before the events of last night. So he persevered. He wanted to be a good friend, no matter how much emotional distress he was in; no matter how many silent tears he shed before finally falling asleep.

Taking a deep breath, Alfie rapped his fist against the door to Eddie’s apartment, the sound causing him to flinch. He didn’t exactly know why he knocked. The front door was unlocked. Alfie knew that. After a moment of hesitation, Alfie managed to still his trembling hands long enough to crack the door open and slip in, mindful enough to not let Bucket bolt out of the door at his arrival.

“Hey,” he called out. “Just me.” Obviously. Who else would it be? Bex, maybe, if the time hadn’t been reserved specifically for Alfie. He didn’t want to think about that.

Until last night, Eddie didn’t know how much change a single kiss could bring about. He felt disoriented, partially because the knots in his stomach kept him from getting any sleep. It didn’t make any sense. He should be happy. He wanted to be happy. Instead, he felt worse than before. Alfie’s reaction to finding out about him and Bex didn’t add up. He sounded distant, disappointed even, as if Eddie having a girlfriend changed something between them. That was a line of thought Eddie decided against pursuing as bile gurgled in his stomach. He didn’t want things to change.

Eddie nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard a knock at the door followed by the sound of Bucket’s paws skittering across the living room floor. He only did that for one person, the man in question, Alfie. Eddie half-expected him to cancel after the way he acted last night. Realizing he assumed wrong, his heart leapt into his throat before plummeting into his stomach to be eroded by the crashing waves of acid. Why didn’t his heart leap like that for Bex? Never mind, he didn’t want to know.

“Hey!” Eddie called out from his office, rising from his chair to meet his visitor. At the sight of Alfie, Eddie’s heart thumped pitifully as it drowned. “Fancy seeing you here.” He tried acting casual. Fake it ‘till you make it. “Everything’s all set up, even brought in an extra chair.” Why did he leave the office in the first place? Alfie knew the layout of his apartment, he would’ve made it there fine without him. Did he really need to see him so badly that a few more seconds of waiting would hurt? So many questions and not a single answer he wanted to acknowledge.

“Warning you now,” he said, walking back to where he’d come from. “It’s boring. All we’ll be doing is staring at my face and deciding what can go.” Eddie plopped into his chair, rolling back a few inches from the force. “You sure you wanna subject yourself to this?” Please say yes.

The sight of Bucket rounding the corner to meet him at the door gave Alfie a momentary rush of relief. A sense of normalcy, although fleeting. He crouched down to stroke behind Bucket’s ears as Eddie came into view. His heart lurched at the sight of him. It shouldn’t have. He wished it didn’t. Yet there Eddie was, beaming at him like everything was fine — or at least, almost. There was a sadness twinkling in his eyes that Alfie couldn’t quite place. It didn’t make sense. Surely, he must have imagined it.

“I could say the same to you. Come here often?” Alfie foolishly flirted. Stupid. He regretted the words as soon as they left his lips. What was happening to him? He wasn’t usually like this. Or, if he was, he wasn’t usually so aware of it. But even now, standing in Eddie’s apartment, chittering off cliche pick-up lines, there was a stark contrast between Alfie’s tone and the look on his face. He tried to smile — to pretend that everything was normal — but his features mirrored the same despondency he could have sworn he saw in Eddie’s.

Without another word, Alfie trailed behind him to the home office, wriggling his fingers and clicking his tongue for Bucket to follow. At least he had Bucket. Even if he was about to subject himself to spending hours staring at Eddie’s face on the computer screen, the pooch served as a welcome distraction.

“I doubt it’s boring,” Alfie retorted. He wanted to say that he didn’t mind staring at his face. To take his words out of context and insist that none of it ‘needed to go’. Not only would that have been uncharacteristic of their friendship, it would have made Alfie seem pathetic. Instead, he eased himself into the spare chair next to Eddie, careful to keep his distance. “Absolutely. I’m eager to see your, uh… process.” Had he said that nearly verbatim last night? Shit.

And there they were, standing face to face in mutual mourning over something that never existed in the first place. Or, did it? Eddie had to wonder. Grief like this didn’t appear out of thin air. He had a girlfriend now, did that come with a hidden cost? If he looked at the fine print, should he expect to see Alfie’s name crossed out? When he kissed Bex, it didn’t occur to him that the average life he wanted so badly might exclude the one person he thought he couldn’t lose. The dejection written on his best friend’s face registered immediately, years of memorizing his expressions and the meanings behind them made it obvious.

“Cute,” Eddie quipped, trying to pair the word with a laugh, but it came out hollow. He didn’t know he could miss someone standing only a few feet away from him. Deep within his chest, he felt something awful clawing its way up. If it managed to reach his throat and break free, he knew regret would quickly follow.

“Mm,” Eddie hummed skeptically as he pushed his hair away from his face, hands shaking as he did. His chair scooted forward, closer to the desk. Even when he wasn’t looking at Alfie, he was imagining his face. He tried removing the sadness from his eyes, but it didn’t work. He struck a key and an application opened. “So,” he started, clearing his throat. “This is Premiere, it’s the, uh,” Eddie trailed off, blinking at the computer screen. It wouldn’t come into focus. “It’s the editing software that I use,” he said with a slight shake of his head. “Adobe, y’know.” What was he saying?

Eddie pushed back from the desk and brought his hands up to his face, letting them slide down a moment later. “Sorry,” he mumbled. He needed a moment to regain control, he couldn’t let Alfie see him like this. “I haven’t taken my meds yet, it’s making it impossible to focus. Give me just a sec,” he explained as he stood up and slipped past Alfie, leaving the office in pursuit of his bedroom.

He closed the door behind himself and pressed his back to it. Eddie stressed the heels of his hands against his eyes and let out a pitiful, but quiet sob. “Why are you so fucking useless?” he berated himself internally. “Get it together, it’s just Alfie. It’s just Alfie.” The words repeated in his head, an endless loop, never successfully convincing him. His hands fell to his sides and he straightened up. If he kept acting like this, the chances of Alfie leaving would skyrocket. He needed to keep him there for as long as he could. Eddie shook out his arms and bounced on the balls of his feet, trying to get his blood pumping. A sharp exhale escaped his nose. He could do this.

Eddie waltzed back into the office and reclaimed his chair. “Okay, where was I?” He gripped the mouse, sounding more invigorated than he had before. “Right, Premiere. It’s expensive, confusing, and constantly crashes, but we love disappointment in this house.” A video opened on-screen, a mirror image of Eddie. He turned his chair to face Alfie, their knees brushing in the process. He tried to ignore it.

“You want the whole editing process, right? Technically, it starts as soon as I have an idea for a video. You always plan a concept with editing in mind,” Eddie explained, his hands falling limply in his lap. “Camera angles, movements, position, all of that should be mostly figured out before filming starts. But, uh, I’ll ease up on the behind the scenes talk and get to the feature presentation. We’re gonna have to watch this about 10 times, so,” Reaching towards the desk, he hit play on the video. His voice played through the speakers, spilling information about fae. “Someone actually warned me against making this one,” he mused. “Something about dire consequences. People are so dramatic.”

This wasn’t right. None of it was right. Clearly, Alfie’s behavior was affecting Eddie. Even last night, he called him out for being quiet. Just tired, Alfie had responded. He tried to cheer up, to act like the news didn’t eat him up inside. But it was easier to hide in a world of pixels and code than it was being next to him. “I’m vaguely familiar with Premier, if that helps,” he said monotonously; a desperate attempt to encourage Eddie to push forward. It didn’t help.

In an instant, Eddie was rattling off an excuse about his medication and removing himself from the office altogether. “Yeah, sure. Take your time,” Alfie murmured, his voice breaking in the process. His eyes — and Bucket — followed Eddie out of the room. Suddenly, he was alone. Even as Bucket strolled back into the office, giving Alfie a confused head-tilt and a pitiful gaze, Alfie was alone.

“What?” Alfie questioned the ginger ball of fluff. Bucket’s tail thumped against the floor, eliciting an exasperated sigh from Alfie. “You have no idea, do you? Not a single clue.” Not one brain cell was firing off behind the dog’s eyes. “You’re lucky,” he added.

Coming here had been a mistake. He could probably still leave — slip out the door while Eddie was gone. But Alfie couldn’t bring himself to budge from the chair. Instead, he sat in silence and watched Bucket watching him.

Before long, Eddie returned. His gaze didn’t meet Alfie’s as he elected to focus on the monitor instead and dive straight back into where he’d left off. Ignoring the fact that Eddie’s meds were not immediately effective, Alfie turned in his seat to give the other man his undivided attention. He had to put on a brave face; he didn’t have any other choice. But then Eddie’s face was on display. He seemed happier in the still shot. There was passion behind his brilliant eyes, and it made Alfie’s heart swoon. He stared longingly at the image on screen, interrupted only by Eddie’s knees brushing his as he turned towards him.

Alfie swallowed the knot in his throat, glancing down at the space between them. Making eye-contact would be a mistake. There was no hiding the vacant gloss of his eyes, no matter how hard he tried. “Just… pretend I’m not here, if that helps,” his voice wavered. Alfie looked back up at the screen when Eddie started the video. Please pretend I’m not here, he thought, catching a mere glimpse of his friend’s face in the screen’s reflection. Two entirely different faces greeted him.

Nervously, Alfie ran his tongue across his bottom lip. His hands clasped tightly together in his lap. “Like that’s ever really stopped you in the past,” he absentmindedly chided. This was going to be absolute torture.

It felt unfair, seeing Alfie in so much pain while working hard to keep his own out of sight. At the same time, it felt familiar, but that only made it worse. Eddie, in a desperate attempt to keep people close, became a stranger to himself. Put on a show, keep them entertained, but don’t let them know what’s lurking beneath the surface; they’ll love you less. And Alfie did love him, he knew that now, which was also unfair.

“Don’t,” Eddie pleaded softly, gazing at the ground for a moment before an unprecedented surge of irritation flooded his mind. “I didn’t know, okay? How could I?” Either Alfie would understand what he was referring to, or he wouldn’t. In a way, he preferred the latter option.

“The first time I came into your apartment through the balcony, it was because you wouldn’t answer the door. And I think that pretty much sums up our entire friendship.” Anguish settled in his eyes, he couldn’t bring himself to fight it. “I turn my music up too loud because I know you’ll message me to complain. I bribe you to spend time with me. I do whatever it takes to get you to notice me.” His chest heaved with every breath. Eddie didn’t like being so honest, so vulnerable, but he didn’t deserve to be cast as the villain in this scenario.

“The past few months have been a little different, I didn’t need to work so hard, and I’ve always thought it was worth the effort, anyway. I know how you are, you’re not loud like me, you need a little convincing. That’s fine, I like that about you sometimes, but if you do this…” Eddie gestured at the way Alfie held himself. “If you make me feel guilty for having something in my life that doesn’t revolve around you, then I…” He trailed off, biting back tears as they formed in his eyes.

“I just wish you’d take a second, one second, to look at me and notice that you’re not the only one who's scared. Alfie, you are so important to me in ways you don’t even realize. Ways that I can’t make sense of without throwing my entire world off its axis, and that’s why I need this to work with Bex. With her, it’s simple—it’s expected. So, just… I can’t ask you to be happy about it but, for my sake, try to understand that I can’t be what you want me to be.”

Don’t. The word shook Alfie to his core. At that moment, he knew he fucked up. His shoulders tensed — his entire body did, actually. He was frozen, still locked onto the computer screen and staring straight past Eddie. Leave it to Eddie to see right through him. He anticipated a lashing of reproach; that Eddie was disappointed in his behavior. That’s exactly what he got, tenfold.

Alfie tore his eyes away from the monitor as he shifted his gaze to finally look at Eddie; a look of pure bewilderment. His thoughts began to run rampant as he processed what was being said. With each line came a blow to his gut and Alfie’s throat constricted, forbidding him to speak. But he didn’t look away. He couldn’t. Not when Eddie very plainly laid his grievances out on the table for Alfie to see. “If you make me feel guilty for having something in my life that doesn’t revolve around you, then I…” Guilty. He made him feel guilty. All because Alfie couldn’t bring himself to pretend for one goddamn second that he was happy for Eddie. Because he was consumed with jealousy over a relationship that was “simple” and “expected”.

After a painstaking lull, it was Alfie’s turn to speak; to say something — anything — that might smooth things over. An apology would have been a good place to start. But “I’m sorry” were not the words that came out.

“You think it’s easy for me?” Alfie scoffed, choking on the knot that threatened to suffocate him and forcing back the tears brimming in his own eyes. “That I haven’t even considered how I’ve made you feel over the years? How horrible I’ve been to you because I couldn’t deal with—” It didn’t matter that Eddie had pieced it together; he still couldn’t bring himself to say the words aloud. “What do you have to be afraid of, anyway? That I’d try to hold your hand? Or, god forbid, kiss you?”

Eddie didn’t deserve the backlash he was receiving from Alfie. Nor did he deserve to be saddled with the responsibility of carrying their entire friendship. But Alfie was terrified to face the reality that they were both now painfully aware of. “I’m sorry, alright? I’m sorry I ever tried to push you away. I’m sorry I’m not happy for you and Bex. I’m sorry, Eddie.” An errant tear ran down Alfie’s cheek and he flicked it away with a terse laugh.

“I didn’t ask for this. I tried so hard to not— to not feel the way I do about you. I’m still trying. But I look at you and I—” Alfie cut himself off by biting his bottom lip. It wouldn’t do any good. Nothing he said was going to change the fact that Eddie would never reciprocate his feelings. He made it evident that he couldn’t be what Alfie wanted him to be — his own words. “I’m sorry,” he reiterated, once again unable to meet Eddie’s gaze. “I’m trying, really. I want you to be happy.”

Over the past few months, Eddie and Alfie reached a new level of closeness. As Alfie became more receptive to him, Eddie realized how thin their boundaries were becoming. It terrified him how much he liked the idea, so much so that his only option was running away. Enter Bex. He thought the answer to all of his problems started with her, but Alfie proved him wrong when he plunged into a comeback diatribe.

At the mention of physical affection, Eddie bolted upright and out of his chair. He needed to put distance between them. His legs carried him to the farthest corner of the room, which still felt too close. Alfie didn’t do well with subtext, he should have known better than to rely on it to get his point across, but the idea of openly admitting to how he felt made his chest tighten.

A barrage of apologies hit him in quick succession as he nervously combed his hair out of his face. Eddie couldn’t let Alfie think he was afraid of him, not even to save himself.

“I’ve never been afraid of what you might do, Alfie.” His voice shook as he gave his confession. “What I’m afraid of is that I’ll like it.” Eddie crossed his arms over his chest, as if bracing himself for whatever came next. “You’re not the monster here, I am.” He wanted this to be easy, but shards of glass lined his throat in the wake of truth.

“Neither of us asked for this.” Eddie found it impossible to look at Alfie. Instead, his gaze remained fixed on a gap in the wood flooring. “But it happened anyway.”

Alfie was certain that he’d hit the nail on the head as soon as Eddie shirked away to the other side of the room at the notion of romantic advancements. Between the two of them, Eddie was always the one to initiate physical contact. It was never intimate; Alfie knew better than to believe it ever could be, and his friend’s present reaction only solidified this theory. If Eddie felt the need to withdraw himself from the situation, he wasn’t going to stop him. He didn’t move in his chair or turn his head to follow his movements. He stayed put, staring at the space the other man previously occupied. In fact, Alfie was so convinced that he was correct in his assumption that Eddie’s next words gave him whiplash.

Afraid that he would like it?

Bewildered, Alfie shifted in his seat to face Eddie. His eyes desperately tried to search a face that couldn’t bear to look at him. It was impossible for Alfie to discern the truth behind these statements without proper facial cues. He was forced to take Eddie’s words at face value.

For a second time in the twenty-four hour period, Alfie’s heart shattered all over again. “Oh,” he breathed, unsure of what to say. Nothing he could say would relieve Eddie of the sheer panic and shame he felt. Eventually, he settled on a single-minded question.

“Do you really believe that? That it— that you’re a monster?”

Alfie didn’t have much to say, only offering up a simple question. A simple question that Eddie choked on. His hand raised to cover his mouth as an influx of contradicting emotions lashed out from within. He nodded wordlessly, closing his eyes tightly to fight back tears. He wanted to beg Alfie to tell him how wrong he was, to dissuade him from believing the lies his parents told him, but the words wouldn’t come out.

His back hit the wall and Eddie slid to the floor. He bit back a sob, trying to stay quiet. His dad lived half-way across town, but he still half-expected him to suddenly appear and tell him to keep it down. According to Jim Carridine, Eddie only cried for attention or to make people feel guilty. It never stemmed from anything real, only girls cried their pain out.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie instinctively apologized as he wiped the tears from his eyes. He noticed his position on the floor and cringed; he wanted to shrink his existence. Eddie did the next best thing and pulled his knees to his chest.

“I don’t know why it hurts so much,” he admitted with a sniffle. “I don’t think less of anyone else because of who they wanna be with, I really don’t, but when it comes to me…” Eddie shook his head sadly. “I’m already so different. People don’t need another excuse to tell me what I’m doing is wrong. And, yeah, it’s just their opinions, but it’s still too heavy. I can’t carry any more.”

He didn’t know what to expect from a question like that. Honestly, Alfie wasn’t even sure why he chose to focus on that part specifically. Maybe it was because he was afraid that Eddie did think he was a monster, but chose to carry the burden himself as a martyr. Or, maybe it was because he knew how fragile Eddie’s sense of self-worth truly was and that suggesting otherwise wouldn’t have accomplished anything.

But then Eddie continued to break, all because he asked him if he actually believed it. Of course he did; Alfie should have known better than to doubt how much hatred his friend harbored for himself.

“Hey, hey— whoa, whoa, whoa,” Alfie sputtered, more or less flinging himself from the chair to join Eddie on the floor. This wasn’t the first time that he caught Eddie in a vulnerable state. He’d seen him emotional, probably even shed a few tears. But moments like that never lasted long. Eddie was an expert at masking his emotions.

This was different.

Not only was Alfie bad at comforting people in general, he was entirely clueless as to what Eddie needed right now. A friend — he could give him that much. Alfie managed to swallow his own pain just enough to drape an arm over Eddie’s shoulder. He wouldn’t blame him if he pushed him away, but he had to try.

“Eddie, listen to me,” he began softly. “That’s not true — none of it. Okay? This sucks. It fucking sucks. But you are so much more than what anyone says you are, alright?” New tears pooled in Alfie’s eyes and he quickly brushed them away with his free hand before extending the gesture to Eddie. “I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m sorry I was an asshole. I didn’t… I didn’t mean to—”

A deep frown etched onto Alfie’s features and he let out a trembling sigh. If he kept this up, he’d likely make things worse. “You’re my best friend, Eddie. That’s not going to change, alright?” He wasn’t in the position to make promises like that, no matter how much he wanted to believe it. At the end of the day, he still had to go back to his apartment where he’d only be left with his thoughts. “Bex’ll be good for you, right? So… so, okay. Give it a chance. You owe it to yourself to try, right? And you’ll still have me.” He hoped that wasn’t a lie; for both of their sakes.

Turning points, both big and small, happen every day. Intentional or not, change is both constant and inevitable. As Alfie embraced him, Eddie knew nothing would ever be the same between them again. The truth about their feelings stripped away the comfort of denial and ushered them into a new chapter, one that terrified Eddie. As far as he could tell, he had two options. The first involved swallowing the truth and dating Bex. The second was wiping away his tears. It didn’t occur to him that his choice should include his feelings as well as Bex and Alfie’s, Eddie didn’t think in those terms.

When Alfie encouraged him to keep playing house with Bex, claiming nothing needed to change, Eddie sprung forward and wrapped his arms around his best friend. He knew a lie when he heard one. No matter what choice he made, things were irrevocably different now. No amount of pretending would undo the past two days, but he appreciated Alfie’s dedication to the fabricated life he said he wanted.

Eddie breathed in Alfie’s scent, unsure of when he might get another chance. So much begged to be said, additions to his initial confession, but he stayed silent as his grip tightened. In a perfect world, the two of them would stay like this and the rest of the world would leave them alone. But they didn’t live in a perfect world. Alfie would eventually return to his apartment, the change would set in, and their friendship would slowly dissolve. Eddie wondered how much damage a kiss would do. Just one, to know what love felt like pressed against his lips. Too much, probably.

“You changed my life, Alfie,” Eddie whispered with his eyes closed. “No matter what happens, I want you to know that, at least. And I don’t regret any of it.”

Eddie released his hold on Alfie and pulled away enough to look him in the eyes. “One of these days, I’m gonna catch up to where you are. Until then, keep the balcony unlocked for me, okay?”

#c: alfie #sucker punch #wickedswriting #internalized homophobia tw #tw: internalized homophobia #emotional abuse tw

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lightsandlostbells · 4 years

Text

wtFOCK season 3, episode 4 reaction

Kiss kiss fall in love? More like kiss kiss stay away from me.

I have to warn you. This is the episode where I lost it. I had to go back and edit so much unhappy capslock out of my notes.

Episode 4

Clip 1 - Het drama again

Zoë shows Milan a video of the shooting prank. Milan asks about romance on the trip, Robbe says there were too many people and too little privacy.

Senne and Zoë have tension because Zoë is pissed that Senne was partying? And that he was posting pictures of parties on IG when she wasn’t there? I mean … look, I’m never a William fan, but this seems like Zoë’s problem. If you can’t trust him to behave when you’re gone, you SHOULDN’T BE WITH HIM. And if you feel like you can trust him, this dude going to bars or whatever shouldn’t bother you. At least it seems to be portrayed as Zoë’s issues. Milan mentions that she’s jealous. He seems to like Senne, and I do find that dynamic cute so far.

I do appreciate that the Noorhelm drama this time is boring and not like “Senne was mad about how Zoë handled her sexual assault” levels of offensive.

That being said ... Robbe’s story. Where.

If you’ve been telling a very tight story so far, where Robbe’s personal journey has been steadily progressing clip by clip, then a clip like this wouldn’t be that bad. We absolutely have not been watching a tight story. Even with the next clip of Robbe doing some introspection, I’m like ... can we not make every scene count toward his story when there’s so much catching up to do? Ten seconds of Robbe looking vaguely troubled out of a two-minute clip that’s mainly about Zoë and Senne’s relationship does not count. A better writer would find some way to make Zoë/Senne parallel to Robbe/Sander, like how Noora talking about William and “if he loves you, he’ll choose you” in the first clip of episode 4 is relevant to Isak sitting there texting Even and Even choosing his plans with Sonja over Isak.

Clip 2 - Milan and Robbe talk gaydar

Robbe checking out Sander on Britt’s IG … finally, some cyberstalking. Did he take a screenshot of a pic of Sander? Lol.

Milan sits down and asks Robbe his opinion of a guy on Grindr, sexy or not? Robbe is lukewarm, giving neutral answers, Milan says he’s allowed to have an opinion on whether a guy is hot or not.

It feels SO WEIRD to have this clip so late, and I’m trying to like … recalibrate my brain so it’s not just because it’s later than usual. I don’t inherently hate if a remake changes up the order of clips. But the problem is that we’re now FOUR episodes in and it feels like Robbe’s sexuality crisis has just begun, I guess? Or rather, efficient storytelling would start out with this clear view of what Robbe’s issues are, rather than muddling into it a few episodes in.

Milan’s all, this guy says he’s not gay, but he likes to blow guys. This turns into a conversation about Milan’s gaydar and how to know if a guy is gay. In the original scene, the purpose of this conversation with Isak and Eskild was there as a way of Isak figuring out if Even was gay. That ... does not really fit this version, because this clip is so late in the season. Isak was getting Eskild’s wisdom right after meeting Even, when he had nothing but a BJ reference to go on. But Sander eyefucking Robbe while kissing Britt and leaning in to kiss Robbe should be pretty big clues to Robbe that Sander likes men, no? And that he likes Robbe specifically. Yeah, Robbe might be doubtful because Sander is still with Britt, but nothing new has happened since the almost kiss to make Robbe doubt! It would make way more sense if they’d adapted the opening clip of OG season 4, with Even texting Isak that he had plans with Sonja, into the clip prior to this one. If Robbe had texted Sander an invitation to hang out, or even just a “hey, what’s up?” and Sander wrote back “plans with Britt” then it would be an understandable transition for Robbe to have some doubt about Sander’s sexuality in this clip, like hey, maybe he’s not actually into me, after all.

The scene might make sense if you think about Robbe listening and applying Milan’s words to himself. Thinking about how there’s “something trapped in them that desperately wants to come out.” Wondering if it’s obvious to other people that Robbe is gay. It still doesn’t quite work and I actually doubt that was their intention (I think it was all about how to detect if Sander is into guys) but I am searching for any scraps of Robbe introspection, so.

OK, at least they had Robbe immediately look up Grindr (I laughed that he searched “grinder”). Good! Sexuality conflict! Why is it so late! Although it was probably more about trying to find Sander rather than a personal move on Robbe’s part.

This is a very gay song, btw (I Like Boys by Todrick Hall).

Clip 3 - Robbe and Yasmina talk het drama

Aaron talks to Robbe about sitting close to his teacher to see her boobs and the teacher saying she knows why he’s sitting there. I highly suspect this is just a dream Aaron had, unless the teacher said it in a pissed off way. Throw his ass in the back row, big-breasted teacher!

Robbe meets up with Yasmina. Yasmina wants to know the dirt from the seaside, Robbe fills her in. Soooo are they good friends, or what? He tells her about Aaron and Amber and they laugh and stuff. I mean it’s cute and all but like … where is this coming from? Did they become great friends in the S2 that I didn’t watch?

And that’s the whole clip … again, I ask what was the point?

To establish that Robbe and Yasmina are friends? Way to undermine the development and importance of that relationship by basically cutting through the buildup and hard work to the payoff. Sana and Isak meant more to people BECAUSE they started off prickly and grew to like each other and respect each other via their actions and words, right? That their conversations were more interesting because of their opposing views and resulting friction? That the friction was extremely relevant to the religion discussion?

Was the point to talk about Aaron/Amber and how Amber supposedly isn’t interested? We don’t need Yasmina’s commentary on that at all since we could see how Amber herself reacted to Aaron. Like if Yasmina was all, yeah, Amber couldn’t stop talking about Aaron, she says she doesn’t like him but I think she does, then I guess I could see the relevance of this conversation since it’s “new” information ... but it’s just the same shit we already know. And again: why spend so much time on a SIDE HET ROMANCE during a gay character’s season? Two of out three clips in this episode so far have been about side het romances!

This clip was just not needed at all except to set up Robbe and Yasmina so the impending religion conversation feels mildly less like two characters who have barely spoken on screen suddenly have an intense and somewhat personal talk. Something they could have done in earlier episodes instead of the other repetitive, unnecessary clips they’ve done this season.

Clip 4 - Dance chicks

At Noor’s dance performance, Robbe’s pals are drooling over the performers (and honestly being rather inappropriate and distracting). At least they got Robbe’s lack of interest right. Even though they have established this FIFTEEN THOUSAND TIMES with the lack of interest in Noor, like this clip almost doesn’t feel necessary at this point! If they’d had it earlier in the season, sure, but now it feels redundant. Like we really super mega get it by now that Robbe’s not into the girls.

The instructor thanks the performers at the end and Robbe says that he was “so gay.” Hey, except you know what? THERE IS NO BUILDUP TO THIS MOMENT. ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NONE. Except for the homophobic jokes from his friends in the previous seasons, but there’s nothing I can recall in this season. But more importantly, Isak’s similar comment was prompted by him taking the gay test in a preceding clip. Taking a quiz about generalizations of gay people, rooted in homophobia! Which Isak applies to the dance teacher! In order to distance himself from being gay! WE GOT NONE OF THAT HERE. For fuck’s sake.

There is no setup or reason why Robbe goes from being somewhat neutral about gay people with Milan asking him about the Grindr dude two clips ago - where Robbe is just kinda like, yeah OK, whatever, you think everyone’s gay, Milan (but he’s not overly grossed out or homophobic) - to this moment where he’s making a derogatory comment about a person he perceives as flamboyantly gay. This scene just happens because it did in OG. And the thing is, obviously you can attribute Robbe’s reasoning here to internalized homophobia. We know internalized homophobia exists and why he has it. But this is a scripted narrative, and any scripted narrative needs to have things happen for a reason rather than just because.

I remember complaining that Skam Italia had a bizarre take on this scene. But that’s nothing compared to the laziness on display here.

Jens is like WTF at Robbe’s “so gay” comment, it’s clear he’s not feeling it. I do like that Robbe gets defensive when Jens scoffs at him. They ask Robbe why he’s such a downer lately and if it’s because of his dad, or because of the Vlogs. Robbe blames the vlogs and yells and walks off, they’re confused.

Lol I just realized that I don’t think there was any followup to the prank from the seaside trip that had Robbe all pissed off. Nothing to show that the boys reconciled or that Robbe didn’t get over it right away.

I have a big problem with the way the boy squad is characterized so far, and it might be because they come across as more self-absorbed than other boy squads, as well as having a more superficial bond. I feel like so far they’re a rather cynical take on teenage boyhood. Again, not expecting them to be perfect or to be overly mature, but this show has to do a lot of work to make me believe they have the empathy or maturity to deal with Robbe’s situation kindly. (EDIT from the future: lol)

Clip 5 - Robbe and Yasmina talk religion

Oh shit, somehow I didn’t connect that dots that Aaron mentioning the teacher’s boobs would lead to THE boob teacher making an appearance! Unless there are multiple teachers with notable breasts at this school.

Another scene of Robbe not interested in breasts ... I mean, not to sound like a broken record, but this would have been good about three episodes ago.

The teacher is talking about religion and Darwininsm and creationism, which prompts Robbe to complain about how people still have religious beliefs in 2019.

Heavy fucking sigh. Have we gotten ANY religious moments from Robbe’s mom this season? Or from anyone else? Do the writers realize that Isak grilling Sana about religion was prompted by his OWN MOTHER’S religious beliefs and his fear of her judgment of his sexuality? No? Not surprised.

For real, Robbe just complains about religion out of nowhere … and like, obviously religious homophobia isn’t a rare thing, it exists. But it has not been established why Robbe in particular cares about the effects of religious homophobia, compared to say, the casual homophobia of his friends, or gay stereotypes, or gay bashing … we don’t know why religious homophobia has PERSONAL relevance in Robbe’s life. And yes, this is a concern for every gay person! But from a STORYTELLING perspective, there should be some focus as to what Robbe’s main fears are about being gay. Lack of acceptance from his peers? His family? Religion? Violence? Homophobic slurs?

I would say based on previous seasons, the most compelling basis for Robbe’s internalized homophobia would be the homophobic attitudes of his friend group. A revised take on the dance chicks scene might have been done with this in mind, but it wasn’t, and so it’s all just very muddled.

Anyway, Robbe goes on this tangent and asks Yasmina why she believes in God. The teacher voices what I thought and is like, why the fuck are you talking in class?

Again, there is NO BUILDUP to the involvement of religion at all. They have this shoehorned in friendship, I guess so he can ask her. He does bring up homosexuality at least, and how religion is so black and white.

Yasmina asks him what he believes. ONE THING they got right: they had Robbe challenge Yasmina on an intellectual level, and so Yasmina challenges him on an intellectual level right back. Because a lot of their dialogue is lifted right from OG, that’s why it works. LMAOOOO. Yasmina points out that homosexuality is an evolutionary “dead end” so therefore it can’t be genetic, so what is it? A disorder? A choice? I will also give some credit for her invoking the most anxiety-causing options to get under Robbe’s skin.

But the tone of their friendship does come across very different, because in the previous scene they seemed like good chums who had a rapport, and here it’s like Robbe lashed out at her for no reason, even less than Isak did with Sana, because Robbe just decided to torch his friendship with Yasmina out of the blue. I guess the answer is that Robbe is cranky so he decided to grill Yasmina over religion, but again, the fucking question is: why was he cranky? Two clips before this one they were on warm, friendly terms. In the last clip, he lashed out at his male friends, but that has nothing to do with religion. What the writers are asking us to do is basically just imagine all the stuff that’s happening in Robbe’s brain instead of doing their jobs and showing it to us. You don’t have to spoon feed us but you don’t also get to stick a few peas on a plate and wonder why we’re going hungry.

(REALLY. IT WAS NOT PROMPTED BY ANYTHING, NOT A TEXT FROM HIS MOM. WHICH IS WHY ISAK WAS UPSET AND LAUNCHED HIS INTERROGATION AT SANA.)

(CAUSE AND EFFECT, MOTHERFUCKER)

Clip 6 - Bowie playlist

Robbe is doing homework when Sander sends him a Bowie playlist. Robbe listens to Space Oddity and has a brief Moment. It’s very nice but wow, wouldn’t it be even better if Robbe fell for Sander listening to that? Say, in the last episode? Before they almost kissed? And before Robbe was suddenly declaring himself a Bowie expert to Noor?

Sander calls him, I like Robbe fixing his hair before he answers. It’s a video chat, gotta look his best! They have an actual conversation about Bowie and they flirt. Sander invites Robbe to the cafe later and Robbe is happy except then Britt is in the background and apparently she’s going with them, so it’s not a date after all, oh no. Robbe’s actor is good at subtly conveying his disappointment here.

Robbe hangs up and sticks his head against the bed (lol) and then goes back to Grindr. He immediately gets messages for horny sex and then gets rid of Grindr.

At first I was like, yay, this clip had a clear point and a sense of cause-and-effect, but now I’m like ... ehhhhh. Because the purpose of Robbe checking out Grindr is either A) so he can look for Sander or B) so he can check it out as a general way of exploring his sexuality (or both). The suggestion is that it has a lot to do with the former, because it was part of Milan’s advice as to how to find out if someone’s gay. But it’s a little weird here, because Robbe just saw that Britt was coming along to the cafe, so he should be discouraged about Sander. I mean, I think it’s still possible that he’s trying to figure out if Sander likes him because he’s getting mixed signals between the playlist and Britt, but it’s just a little off. And as for option B, I’m not sure why now of all times is the best time for that, like if you think about it, the sting of getting his hopes dashed should be the predominant emotion here, would he go straight to Grindr just to be like hmmm, maybe I’m into dudes?

And it bugs me because there is a super easy fix to this clip! Just have Sander send the Bowie playlist, Robbe listens to it, and as he’s daydreaming and smiling a bit, he gets out his phone and checks out Grindr, ready to search for Sander. But there are too many sex messages so he’s just like WTF and gets rid of it. Then Sander calls and they have this conversation that ends in Robbe being reminded that Britt is still in the picture. (Or he doesn’t need to get the sexy messages at all, I mean they’re kind of funny but I’m not sure they’re plot-necessary here.)

Noor texts him that they’ll meet up later. It’s not 100% clear but it sounds like she knew about meeting up with Sander and Britt, so that means Britt probably told her previously. Which is a little bit of different context from OG, because I was under the impression that Even asked Isak to hang out with them hoping that they’d be alone, and then somehow Sonja found out and made it into a group thing with Emma, making Even grumpy. With this it seems like it was planned as a group thing from the beginning, Britt knows they’re meeting up later.

Or wait, when Sander says he’ll give Robbe advice at the cafe later, does that mean Robbe already knows they’re meeting up? That would make sense because it’s what happened in OG (Even invited Isak in an earlier clip and then Isak found out Emma and Sonja were coming in a later one). They’re incorporating all kinds of OG elements in this episode so I wouldn’t be surprised. But I assumed that this was the invite because we didn’t see Sander talk to Robbe earlier this week? Shouldn’t we have seen that clip since it’s the first time they’ve interacted since they almost kissed? I checked the texts for this episode and I don’t see anything like Sander inviting Robbe, either? Did I just miss something? What is going on?

Clip 7 - Robbe is late to meet Noor

Later that day …. Robbe rides a bike. Very fast. The music is dramatic! This would not be out of place for an O Helga Natt scene

And yet it’s not OHN, it’s Noor? Noor seems annoyed. Because Robbe is late. OH NO THE TENSION WHATEVER WILL WE DO. WE CARE A TON ABOUT ROBBE AND NOOR.

Noor is super pissed at him and starts screaming and shoving at him. What the actual fuck? She complains that she thought he was dead or something and is mad he didn’t even send a message. She says fuck you and walks off. Robbe follows her on the bike.

I don’t know how popular this opinion is, but Noor did not come across as great here, like when I watched it I was baffled at her response. I say this as someone who is chronically early and also gets annoyed at lateness. She has every right to be annoyed that Robbe is late and that he didn’t message her to tell her he’d be late, and I get that there’s supposedly more to her reaction than just this one incident. But the screaming and especially the shoving at him is just WTF.

Also, she told him to meet him at 19:00, and the beginning of the clip is at 19:21 (I see what you did there) and Robbe arrives like a minute or two later. So he’s 20 minutes late, which is certainly annoying, especially because it’s dark and chilly outside, but IMO not a cause for “I thought you were dead or in an accident!” and the OTT reaction.

Clip 8 - Robbe and Noor fight

Sander and Britt are in the cafe, Robbe and Noor argue outside about him giving her mixed signals. Has ... he ...?

OK, I’d say I half-see her case, and I half-don’t. If Noor can somehow sense Robbe’s disinterest during their makeouts or lovey-dovey moments or w/e, then I can buy that. I think there are slight moments where he doesn’t seem into it. But Robbe has put so much more genuine effort into their relationship than Isak did. He hasn’t even turned Noor down for sex, really, they’ve just gotten interrupted every time, or she’s thrown up. He didn’t want to go to her dance performance except then he told her he would go approximately thirty seconds later. He went to her dance performance. He went to the seaside with her and kissed her and slept in the same bed with her. This is the first time he’s actually fucked up with her.

Noor sounds ridiculous right now. “Do you still love me?” Uhhhh what??? You’ve been dating for less than a month, really? Did he tell her he loved her at any point? I’m serious, is there some material I missed? Some nuance in the language that didn’t completely translate?

I get it, I’m watching insecure overdramatic teenagers! I’m just wondering if I’m supposed to be on Noor’s side here. They could have portrayed this less OTT and more fitting to Robbe’s actual offenses.

Anyway Robbe and Noor have a screaming fight in the street and he says he can’t breathe anymore because of her. I can buy that even if it’s dramatic because he’s feeling trapped by her due to his sexuality. She walks off, Sander and Britt come outside. Britt goes after Noor and hugs her, Sander sings Space Oddity to signify the crash and burn of Robbe/Noor. He has on a Pink Floyd shirt so at least his musical taste is more varied than Bowie.

Clip 9 - Robbe and Sander by themselves

Robbe and Sander drink alone at the bar, they don’t think the girls are coming back. Sander texts Britt and then tells Robbe they’re going to do something else. He shows him Britt’s text saying that Noor needs some time alone. I mean. this drastically changes the context of them going off together … it’s not because they want to be together, necessarily (although they do) but it’s by default now.

So they leave.

Yeah, I do not love what they did with this scene. It’s short and to the point but I want to point out a few things.

First, because again, there’s no need to break up most of these clips into such short, choppy scenes just because 15 or 20 minutes have passed in-universe. It might be exciting if you happen to be watching and following at the exact time these are being posted, but it also messed with the flow of the scenes and the build of emotions. Imagine if we cut off after Isak and Even left Emma and Sonja and then 10 minutes later we got them riding around on a bike. We’d missed that beautiful transition from the silent, empty room to Isak on the bike and then Head Over Heels kicking in. That’s one of my favorite moments in season 3 and it’s because of that transition. It’s because I was sitting there watching this uncomfortable scene and wishing Isak and Even could be alone and then they got to be alone and my stomach swooped! If you break up moments like those, there’s just not as much build. (Or imagine - horror of horrors - an O Helga Natt where Isak gets the text from Even and it cuts off after he runs out of the church and then resumes when he arrives at the school, so we don’t see his journey. You lose so much.)

Second, there is a curious lack of romantic/sexual tension in this scene. It’s there on Sander’s end, I think, or at least you can read it there due to his focus on Robbe and even some of his body language. Robbe, on the other hand, seems more upset that his girlfriend who he doesn’t even feel genuine attraction to has walked out on him rather than the fact that he is sitting next to the boy he’s crushing on, alone together, right before they share their first kiss later that evening. And it just makes me want to know why.

I don’t blame Robbe’s actor at all, because it’s the director’s job to tell him how to play the scene. But I rewatched this scene trying to be generous, and there is not a single shred of attraction or tension from Robbe toward Sander. He checks the cafe door when it opens, he asks Sander to text Britt, and when Sander suggests they leave, Robbe’s first instinct is to ask what if Noor comes back. He sits there moping into his beer the whole time. He doesn’t sneak looks at Sander. He doesn’t try to talk to Sander about anything except Noor and Britt. No banter, no discussion that’s focused on them, Robbe-and-Sander, you know, the main couple of this season (supposedly). It doesn’t even feel like he’s consciously trying not to look or interact with Sander because of the romantic tension. No, it genuinely feels like Robbe’s #1 thought right now is Noor. Does that make sense to you? It makes sense for him to be a little out of sorts due to the fight, but does it make sense that Robbe seems to have no perceptible reaction to being alone with the guy he likes? Does it make sense that they didn’t take this chance to throw in some romantic and sexual tension in order to pave the way for the kiss that is going to happen very shortly? Gotta say that I think this scene exemplifies my earlier complaints about how Noor was so prevalent early in the season and how Robbe/Noor was built up. Because once again, Robbe/Noor has taken precedence over the undeveloped Robbe/Sander pairing.

Finally, as I said above, the situation makes it so that Robbe and Sander are on their own by default, not by choice. Combined with the bizarre lack of tension, that makes this scene fall totally flat. There’s no sense that these two really really want to be alone together. There’s no joy in them running off together. Robbe actually seems reluctant to go off with Sander. And not even because he’s fearful of what might happen, ooooo things might get a little gayer than I can handle right now, but like he’d rather sit here and drink and think about his girlfriend.

It’s like they were concerned that Isak and Even were too mean to Emma and Sonja so they decided Robbe and Sander would only be alone because it was the girls’ decision to leave them, not the other way around. We even get that text from Britt so we know that Noor totes isn’t coming back and it’s OK for them to leave. I have no idea what their actual motivation was to construct the scenario this way, though. I would love to know. (The answer would probably annoy me so I’m better off not knowing.)

It’s little stuff like this that makes me want to sit down the writers/directors/whoever’s behind wtFOCK and have them watch scenes from Skam S3 and write an essay on the construction and execution of clips. Do some homework about timing, tension, narrative structure, and everything else that makes S3 work.

Clip 10 - Smooch time

It’s 21:21 so you know what’s happening. Also, bullshit! Why is this happening so fast. You haven’t earned this!!!!

Sander buys them booze. The Sander actor is very good, honestly. I like his screen presence. It is a testament to his abilities that this relationship is working for me at all, because it sure ain’t the writing. (Robbe’s actor is doing well, too, but the writing is dragging him down since he’s present for all this nonsense.)

This scene of Sander and Robbe drinking and riding bikes is genuinely good on its own and they have strong chemistry when they’re allowed to show it. They have easy banter and interaction, there’s a callback to the booking.com reference from when they met. Really, this part makes me sad, because I can see the potential here! If the writing was GOOD, if the story had a legit direction, if it was just better storytelling all around … this season could have been wonderful, they had the right guys to do Isak and Even’s story justice. Instead it’s like this one terrific moment in a sea of wtFOCK.

If they go in the pool I will roll my eyes. C’mon, guys, you DO NOT HAVE THE SYMBOLISM to do this scene. It had a meaning in Skam, in most of the remakes it’s just an arbitrary location.

Yep, it’s a pool.

Sander takes off all his clothes so he jumps in bare-assed, and Robbe laughs. Sander yells at Robbe to get in the pool so Robbe does a fucking striptease while Sander watches, more or less, and he’s about to get in the pool in his underwear, but Sander is like “all the way or no way” so Robbe takes off his underwear after a brief moment of hesitation and jumps in. So they’re naked in the pool. Cool cool cool.

Seeeeee, on the one hand this COULD be a moment of liberation, I could see it, taking off the clothes and jumping in as a representation of abandoning the stale hetero life or w/e. But I don’t think wtFOCK has built anything resembling a clear arc for Robbe, to the point where this act means anything, really. (Can you imagine Isak doing this in episode 4? I don’t know if it fits his character at that point, but I could at least be like, OK, this is part of his ~rebirth and I think we’ve built him up enough that this moment of liberation feels like a culmination of something.) I’m also not totally sold on the way they presented this, like we’ve got a closeted gay kid alone with his crush and the crush takes his all his clothes off and then Robbe takes all his clothes off with only the barest reluctance (but he’s not like … distressed or worried, just kinda like “aw, man!”) For some closeted gay kids? Sure, guess I could see it! But in the context of “this kid is struggling with his sexuality and he’s alone with the boy he likes and he’s supposed to be going through Some Shit”? Why doesn’t this have a bigger reaction in Robbe? Since they are drunk and not necessarily overthinking things in the moment, however, I will let this slide. Cynically I think this is mostly about trying to make wtFOCK Sexxxxy. I’m not a prude and I don’t have an objection in theory to a teenage couple skinny dipping together, but wtFOCK has a trend of taking a thing that happened in OG and going “How can we do this but more?” and these remakes know Evak is the big sell in fandom, so. They’re making it spicier. (EDIT from the future: Jumping ahead to later content on wtFOCK ... they very much are trying to make it Sexxxxy.)

Also, these guys just haven’t had a lot of buildup yet! And I can see like … rewriting this scene so the first kiss isn’t necessarily some epic release of a simmering tension and growing love, but more of a tentative, pivotal moment with a gay kid kissing a boy for the first time, and having the relationship grow from there. But wtFOCK isn’t doing that, it’s trying to do the Evak thing with the epic romance, and they haven’t earned it.

They go underwater for the breath-holding contest, Sander tries to kiss Robbe (Robbe’s eyes are pointedly closed so this feels like some unnecessary POV breakage) and Robbe shoves him back. He’s still in a good mood, though. They go back underwater and Robbe kisses Sander. Yay, I guess.

Lol, I don’t actually want to sound like a bitter asshole. The song choice is lovely! The cinematography is pretty good! And like I said, they have nice chemistry. It’s just that the storytelling has been so messy up to this point that I can’t get too invested. The very first clip I saw in real time for Skam season 3 was the pool scene - I had just discovered the show a few days prior, and I kept watching the clips on repeat. I could not get enough of this story. I really really needed those guys to kiss. Yeah, I recognize that at the time the story was brand new and this wasn’t the fourth iteration of the same pool scene and the sixth first kiss for this couple, and you really can’t recreate that feeling of not knowing what comes next in a remake like this. Still, I think that if the writing had just been better, I could have been happy and invested in this moment.

I also think that the pool scene in particularly has a tendency to get written in kind of a rote way in the remakes. Some of them have put their own spin on it - I had plenty of criticisms of Skam France’s S3 but I did enjoy their first kiss and I praised that they made up their own symbolism - but some of them have gotten so close to the original, the exact same banter, the interruption at the end, and it doesn’t feel natural for those versions of the characters. I’m not sure if the remake showrunners think that the original scene is something the fans want to see or if they’re being lazy or if they think the OG is just that good (which it is, lol). I don’t think any remake has been that faithful with their O Helga Natt clips, by comparison.

Anyway they get caught, yadda yadda.

Clip 11 - Morning after the pool smooch

Robbe gets up and sees Zoë looking at Senne, seemingly hungover, on the couch. She makes coffee to spite him since the coffeemaker is loud.

Zoë asks Robbe about last night and says Noor was at the door. Robbe doesn’t tell her what really happened. Apparently Noor looked like she felt bad. I don’t think I can handle more Robbe/Noor, guys. I appreciate that OG didn’t drag out Isak’s thing with Emma once he kissed Even, but I’m not confident this won’t happen here.

Zoë asks if he’s all right. Man, the most effective relationship this season is probably Zoë and Robbe? Which is fine! But like … boy squad ain’t great, Sander and Robbe aren’t well developed, they fucked up Yasmina and Robbe already, Milan and Robbe are way behind schedule…

What if the reveal were that Sander were in Robbe’s bed?

It’s not. Instead, Sander texts him as a cover of Space Oddity plays. Robbe has angst and blocks Sander on WhatsApp. Ohhhh my. Another thing I appreciated about OG? That Isak was all in after he kissed Even, and that the angst came from different places besides the typical gay coming out storyline of “kissed a boy, regretted it, went back in the closet temporarily.” Not that it’s unrealistic, just that it’s done so much.

I think we’re supposed to take away that Zoë saying Noor was there looking sad made Robbe reconsider what happened with Sander? Or just general internalized homophobia. I don’t think the latter is totally out of Robbe’s characterization based on what we’ve seen so far, although I wish there was clearer writing so it felt more like “Robbe has internalized homophobia that made him block Sander” and less like “????? internalized homophobia I guess.” Again, I’ll letting this slide because I can also rationalize it as him being a little drunk last night, and now that he’s sober he regrets his choice, even if I don’t think this is a great choice at this stage in the season.

Clip 12 - The heaviest of sighs

The subs helpfully gave a trigger warning for homophobic slurs so I knew this was going to be “good.”

Robbe is listening to music as he goes home. Sander comes up to him, smiling, wanting to know why Robbe blocked him. Robbe says to leave him alone, that Sander got him drunk and took advantage of him.

L M A O welp, this would soooo kill this ship for me if I were invested.

FIND SOMEONE ELSE, SANDER, YOU DESERVE BETTER

Oh, so Robbe also shoved him and called him a dirty f****t! What a great romance!

No, really - this is the EXACT THING I was so glad that Evak DID NOT DO. I’m not saying their romance has to be free of flaws, that there can never be fuckups, that Isak can’t ever hurt Even and vice versa. But this is such a common and ugly trope in gay media.

Robbe goes inside and slams his door, Milan asks what’s wrong, Robbe tells him to leave him alone. We get Milan’s POV and not Robbe’s at the end.

Anyway lmao. wtFOCK indeed.

Did you enjoy the cuddle scene in Skam, where a same-sex couple got to be tender and sweet and open with each other for almost seven minutes? A clip that felt refreshing and even revolutionary for its normalization of gay intimacy? Hahahaha, fuck you.

Okay, seriously though. It’s not a problem that we didn’t have the cuddle scene immediately after the pool scene. It’s not a problem that they want to change up this storyline and make it their own - though again I would ask the creative powers at wtFOCK why they’re making these particular choices. It’s not a problem if Robbe and Sander’s relationship has some extra bumps along the way to their happy ending.

WHAT EVEN PROMPTED THIS CHANGE IN ROBBE, like I get the answer is “internalized homophobia” but Robbe was BUCK NAKED WITH SANDER IN THE POOL so like. Can we please get SOME context for why he suddenly had a freakout? Can we please get some narrative structure with cause and effect? Can we get a fucking reason that Robbe went from 0 to 100? Because if it was just the blocking Sander on WhatsApp, that’s one thing, but accusing him of sexual assault and calling him slurs is so vastly beyond that. If we’re supposed to take away that Robbe feels bad about Noor, that still doesn’t explain the ugliness of his reaction, rather than just telling Sander that he has a girlfriend and it was a mistake or whatever.

I’m going to add that I understand that Robbe went through some additional homophobic shit from his friends in previous seasons - I remember Moyo saying crappy things to him in S1, and I watched a S2 scene where the same thing happens. So I can understand if Robbe’s internalized homophobia is very strong. But they’ve also cut out so much stuff in this season that added to Isak’s internalized homophobia (no mom’s religion making him anxious, no gay test, no gay generalizations from Emma...) If they want to rely on internalized homophobia from previous seasons, then we really need a reminder in this season, such as his friends making homophobic jokes, which I do not recall hearing so far. And they need to show what happened between the kiss to provoke such a homophobic reaction.

After Sander said that thing about not knowing if anyone would ever love him … why did they do this? I love me some pain in storytelling but this isn’t just angst, this is needlessly cruel.

There is, believe it or not, a middle ground between “conflictless fluff” and “cruel homophobia and assault allegations” where you can have some tension, even have Robbe have a freakout, without bringing in this kind of material. Robbe could have told Sander to stay away without accusing him of assault or calling him slurs. He could have said he wasn’t gay or that it was a mistake or even “I was drunk” without following it up with “and you took advantage of me.” All of these options might have stung for Sander and for any viewers who were hoping for morning-after cuddles, but they also create conflict without pushing it over the edge into OTT cruelty.

HOW I WOULD REWRITE THIS EPISODE:

Ahahahaha

So far this season is like a disconnected set of scenes from Skam S3 with bonus filler scenes and unnecessary clips about non-Robbe things. It’s getting hard to think about rewrites because the point, if you will, so often so unclear. It’s also hard because this episode squeezed in so many OG scenes that were missing from earlier in the season that it’s like, well, shouldn’t we have had this a few episodes ago? Should we just leave them out now?

Okay. Start by getting rid of the first clip in this episode that’s mostly about Zoë/Senne, bump up the Milan clip. We start with Robbe looking at pics of Sander on IG, Milan comes in and asks if there was any romance on the trip, then they get into the Grindr talk, etc. The Grindr talk makes more sense before Robbe almost kisses Sander, but like. We can’t do anything about that now. What might be better is if the whole “how do you know if a guy is gay?” thing takes a swerve into not just Robbe trying to figure out Sander, but to something uncomfortably close to Robbe’s own behavior (like IDK, referencing body language and how a guy will lean in closer, like Robbe did with Sander) and then Robbe gets cranky because he’s worried he’s too obviously gay to other people. After Milan leaves, he starts looking up stuff like “how to act straight” or “how not to seem gay” or whatever. That leads us into the next clip...

... the dance chicks scene. Now we’ve seen plenty of Robbe being disinterested in girls already, so this time we’re going to show him trying to be interested in girls instead. Like he’s watching his friends’ annoying horny reactions and he’s clearly trying to imitate them and join in, but we can see that he’s awkward and not totally feeling it. But he’s trying. Then after the performance, Robbe makes the comment about the dance instructor being so gay.

There is a problem, IMO, in that Robbe’s friend group has been shown to be more homophobic than the average boy squad (as seen in S1 and S2). And frankly I don’t really believe yet Jens is the type to shut down a homophobic comment. Like in S2 Moyo and Robbe straight up start calling each other f*gs and Jens is like chill, no one here is a f*g, but if there were, you should date each other. That’s his idea of intervention. So I’m not sure how to handle that.

I don’t love this idea, because I hate what they’re done with Moyo in particular, making him pointedly more homophobic (to be discussed in a future reaction) but Moyo and Aaron could perhaps laugh at Robbe’s comment and start riffing off it, while Robbe is sitting there pretending to laugh but looking increasingly uncomfortable, and Jens notices something is off with Robbe, and he tells the guys to knock it off, the guy is gay, so what? Big deal. Then aside from the other guys, he asks Robbe if something is wrong, and Robbe snaps at him or attributes it to family problems again.

I was going to also say that the setting for this clip doesn’t really allow for Sander to swoop in, like Even did to return the snapback, but actually maybe it could? Noor could have invited Britt and Sander to watch the show, right? So maybe when Robbe makes this gay joke and his friends are laughing, Sander comes up while Britt is talking to Noor and is like, hey guys, what’s up? Robbe’s friends are just like, oh nothing, did you see how gay that guy was? Then Sander is like, sorry, what’s the problem with being gay? He tells them off a little. Meanwhile Robbe is standing there awkward as fuck, not looking Sander in the eyes, while Sander is looking at him for backup, but Robbe just makes an excuse to bolt. Maybe he walks past Noor without saying anything, so she looks confused.

Now onto Robbe and Yasmina. Man, I truly hate saying this. But: If you are not going to incorporate other religious themes into this season, then you don’t need to redo the Isak-Sana friendship. Again! I don’t like suggesting this! But what actually is Robbe and Yasmina’s relationship bringing to this season when it’s portrayed like this?

They left out the weed blackmail, which is really just a plot device in OG, but it’s a plot device that sets up Sana and Isak’s thread. It also gets Isak to kosegruppa to meet Even, something which is irrelevant here.

Sana’s main tie to S3 is Isak’s mom. Isak’s mom is religious, that makes him anxious, and it’s a hurdle to coming out to her. Robbe’s mom is not religious, Robbe’s internalized homophobia doesn’t seem to have anything to do with religion specifically other than this one scene with him and Yasmina. It’s just a disconnected tangent. What’s more, what is Yasmina’s eventual advice going to do for him? Sana’s advice led Isak to come out to his mom.

I really like Yasmina. If there’s another way that her presence is relevant to the themes of this season, by all means let’s find it and include her. As it is, either make it that Robbe’s mom is religious and include the Robbe-Yasmina subplot, or don’t and leave it out.

I would love to see in-depth and meaningful friendships develop among all the characters in the Skam squads, just because I love all those kids. Jonas and Vilde? Even and girl Chris? Eva and Mahdi? I don’t care how random, let’s have them all! But there is a finite amount of time per season, and we can’t extend time for all possible relationships - just the ones that are most relevant to the story we are trying to tell.

I mentioned above a fix for the Bowie playlist clip that makes it have a little more sense to me. If you include Sander in the dance chicks clip like I said, you could have Robbe thinking about Sander again and wondering if he’s into men since he called out the boys’ homophobia. That’s how he ends up on Grindr. Then Sander sends him the Bowie playlist, Robbe listens, Sander calls and they talk, Robbe apologizes for bolting out of there the other day. Sander invites him to the cafe later, Robbe’s all :D until he realizes Britt is there and is coming too, then he’s :(

He’s late to meet Noor and Noor is upset, but not like ... screaming and shoving at him. She’s more snippy and passive-aggressive, she walks off. She says she’s upset because he ditched the dance performance without talking to her, and then he’s late to meet her, it seems like he just doesn’t care that much. They have a fight but it’s like a normal fight and not The End of the World. Just tone down Noor’s OTT anger and make it more natural.

I don’t have a preference in this version whether Noor and Britt leave the cafe and Sander and Robbe know they’re not coming back, or whether Noor and Britt just go to get some air and cry it out and Sander is like fuck it, let’s leave. The important thing for me is that Robbe sits there with Sander, painfully aware that they’re alone, and there’s lots of tension and awkwardness and his brain is clearly hyper-focused on the proximity of Sander’s knee to his own. They banter and flirt and then when Sander suggests they leave, Robbe acts like he wants to go.

Don’t do a pool scene for the first kiss. Give a shit, make it your own. Except IMO they have done so little to establish this relationship in terms of larger themes or symbolism that they have nothing to choose from.

Man, what if THIS episode was about going to the seaside, after they had been talking for several episodes, and they kissed in the sea when they were alone? That would be at least somewhat plausible? A take on the pool scene/underwater kiss that wasn’t the exact same.

You could do something related to graffiti, perhaps? Instead of breaking into a pool, they break into the tagging place or wherever. Or something else related to Sander’s artwork, because I know that this comes up in their version of O Helga Natt.

I’m not wild about adding this blip in Robbe and Sander’s relationship after the kiss, because of how much ground we need to cover the rest of the season (it messes with the pacing yet again) and also just because I like that Skam didn’t do this expected route. However, if they wanted to make Robbe try to shut out Sander again: the strongest case for his internalized homophobia seems to be his friends. So have him meet up with them again the day after kissing Sander. His friends bring up Sander and how weird he was at the dance performance about the gay instructor, like it’s just a joke! He took their comments way too seriously! Is Sander gay or something? And maybe Robbe tries to defend Sander - no, he’s a cool guy, really - and then his friends are like, pffft, what, do you have a crush on him? Robbe denies and everybody chills out, but Robbe seems troubled. Maybe this is when Jens finally gets a fucking clue and realizes something’s up with Robbe, and in the future there’s a scene where he shuts down gay jokes. For now, though, we do see how Robbe would feel compelled to go back in the closet. Sander texts him and Robbe blocks him.

Now we come to the worst part. So. Take out Robbe calling Sander a sexual predator and a homophobic slur and pushing him, that’s for sure. If he must reject Sander, do it in another way. “I’m not gay.” “I was drunk.” “It was a mistake.” “I have a girlfriend.” It’s not actually hard to do this clip without adding this ugly taint to their relationship.

Since I’m trying to think of rewrites without just copying Skam, here is a radical change on how to include a post-kiss freakout from Robbe earlier on so the pacing isn’t as odd. In previous recaps, I suggested Sander should be introduced earlier as a mysterious stranger that Robbe is trying to find. Well, maybe we can rework that. Robbe and the mysterious stranger share a kiss in episode 1. They’re hiding from the police or security or something after getting busted at a party or while tagging or w/e, and they’re both a little drunk and high on adrenaline, they’re smiling and laughing because they actually got away, and it just ... happens. The mysterious stranger can initiate it, but Robbe tentatively reciprocates before running away. Robbe freaks out and it’s after this that he starts heavily pursuing Noor. Because, you see, he’s not gay, he was just drunk, and it was all that other guy’s fault. But at least he doesn’t have to see that random guy again, right? No one will ever know. Just like no one will ever know if late at night when he can’t sleep, he does a Google search to see if he’s gay if he liked kissing a boy or if he can’t get it up with his girlfriend. Or if he goes on Grindr to see if he can find the mystery dude. It’s a bust and Robbe gives up and settles into dating Noor. Except in episode 2, OH SHIT, he’s introduced to Sander again via Noor, and it’s awkward and fuck, Sander has a girlfriend. Well, that’s good, right? Totally not a bummer. Anyway, Robbe tries to avoid Sander or tiptoe around him but they end up spending time together because they’re stuck at the seaside under the same roof. Maybe they directly address the issue by Robbe saying he’s not gay and Sander being like “me neither” (which technically is not a lie, lmao) and brushing it off as a mistake, or maybe they both pretend that it never happened. Maybe Robbe is more aggressive about it at first and Sander is like, whoa dude, chill out, I’m not going to tell anyone. Still, they get to know each other, there’s heaps of sexual/romantic tension, and in episode 4 (or 5 or whenever) they kiss again and it’s Epic.

This arc is definitely not the same as Isak’s or Evak’s and I absolutely won’t claim that it’s in the same league as what Julie Andem did, but I can see a narrative arc like this making some sense. Better than trying to do Isak’s arc half-assed.

It occurs to me just like … how little we know about any of these characters in terms of subtext or something? No hints about Sander’s background, really? Let’s get some clues in there.

I think something I miss about Skam was how kind it was. How all the characters were at heart, good people capable of the most generous love and empathy. And maybe we’ll get there with these characters in the end, but overall, so many of these people just don’t feel like that! There’s so much more ugliness and cruelty involved in this story, and it doesn’t feel like it’s done with good intentions, like to show the audience how to handle these situations and to heal.

There’s this weird attitude of defense where cruelty, tragedy, and negative events are defended in the name of realism and there’s a backlash to the backlash, acting like the critics just want fluffy plotless hand-holding and cuddling, a conflict-free season, or a story where no one makes mistakes. And it’s like people forget that in Skam season 3, the story was FULL of angst! We know Evak get their happy ending but like … from episode 1 all through O Helga Natt, the story is packed with conflict. People hurt each other. Even in episode 10, not everything is perfect. It is very possible to do angst and conflict without this ugliness. Like … I have to assume people weren’t here for episodes 5 and 6 of Skam S3, or for the hotel scene, or episode 9 up to OHN, because I can assure you, there was no lack of angst. There was just a lack of shock value gratuitousness.

As always, let me know if I missed something due to cultural or linguistic context.

#wtfock reactions

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silverlightqueen · 4 years

Text

Grease - Teaser

greaser!Hoseok x cheerleader!reader - fluff, angst, humour, potential smut

Rating: PG13

Word Count: 5k+ (not really a teaser lmao, but let’s just roll with it)

Summary - During the best summer of their childhood, good girl y/n and greaser Jung Hoseok indulge in a sweet and innocent love affair before parting ways, believing they will never see one another again. But fate has other plans, and it is only the beginning of the story for y/n and Hoseok in this tale of cars, chicks and high school cliques... (ft. Red Velvet and NCT Jaehyun)

Warnings - mild profanity, mention of sex, mild threat of violence, misogyny and sexism (it was the 50s lol), a lot of 50s slang (it took me longer to find relevant slang than it did to actually write this lmao), bts and red velvet flirting, gross overuse of pet names, I think that’s it but tell me if I missed anything lol

a/n: this is actually edited and proofread by the love of my life @silverlightprincess who made me even more excited about this story than I was before. I hope y’all like it x

song I listened to whilst writing: Bad Boy (English Version) - Red Velvet (the album cover inspired their outfits - yes, I know Rydell’s colours are red and white but I don’t care lol)

divider credit: ? (lmk if you know whose it is pls)

silverlightqueen masterlist

‘Six strawberry milkshakes for the paper shakers!’ the chef behind the counter shouts. A waitress, stood mere feet away from him, winces at the volume of his voice in the quiet diner before picking up the tray of our milkshakes and heading over towards us. ‘Six strawberry milkshakes,’ she says softly, and we all thank her as she puts them down on the table in front of us.

‘You girls look neat. Rydell trying out some new threads?’ she asks, and we all look at Irene, the Cheer Captain, and the unspoken leader of our little group. ‘Yeah, but Coach didn’t really… dig them like I hoped he would. Says they’re impractical or something lame-brained like that,’ Irene says ruefully, and the waitress rolls her eyes. ‘And those skimpy little cheer kits aren’t? Coach is such a pooper – he’s probably just peed off he didn’t come up with these,’ she says, and Irene smiles, a hint of pride in her grin – she likes a little compliment. ‘He’ll warm up to them. Well, he has no choice – all the other girls have bought them too. Our parents will blow a fuse if we can’t wear them,’ Irene says, and the waitress nods, us five just sipping on our milkshakes as we listen. Just as she opens her mouth to reply, we hear the chef shout, ‘Mina! These tables ain’t gonna clean themselves!’ She rolls her eyes with an apologetic shrug before trudging over to the counter where the chef throws a cloth and disinfectant at her.

‘Irene, where did you get the idea for these duds?’ Joy asks, straw between her teeth as she speaks. ‘You know that girl group, Red Velvet? They dropped a new record a few weeks ago – you’ve heard it right? It’s all over the radio. Well, anyway, they did a video for it, and they were wearing these cute little skirts and tops, all in blue and yellow plaid,’ she explains, but I get the feeling Yeri and I are the only ones listening, all of the other girls staring out of the window behind us.

‘Oh, no. I recognise that hunk o’ junk. That’s Kim Seokjin and his little gang. They’ve just pulled up in the parking lot,’ Seulgi says, though the way she checks her reflection in her little pocket mirror shows she’s not quite as distressed about their arrival as she seems. ‘Don’t say that in front of Kim Taehyung. He calls it a ‘hot rod’; he’d flip out if he heard someone call it a hunk o’ junk,’ Wendy says warningly as she fixes her hair.

‘Wait, sorry, but who is Kim Seokjin? And who’re his gang?’ I ask, the girls all looking at me shock, quickly followed by realisation. ‘I keep forgettin’ you’re a newbie. They’re greasers – you’ve probably seen a couple of them at school. They’re… bad news. They have a reputation of humpin’ and dumpin’. Still doesn’t put all the girls off them though,’ Seulgi explains, saying the last bit under her breath.

‘What’s humping and dumping?’ I ask, the five of them shushing me instantly. ‘Keep your voice down, y/n, we can’t be heard talkin’ about things like that in public. Humpin’ and dumpin’ is, like… one minute, they’re all friendly, then they’re suddenly in your bed, and then they’ve forgotten you existed,’ Wendy explains quietly, and I nod in understanding, feeling my cheeks warm up a little bit at discussing something so crude.

‘That Jeon Jungkook did it to Lisa,’ Joy whispers as she applies fresh lipstick, and I picture our fellow cheerleader in my head, feeling a little bit of pity for the poor girl. ‘He’s so dreamy, though,’ Yeri says softly, and Irene rolls her eyes. ‘They’re all dreamy, Yeri, but they’re bad news,’ the girl says forcefully, echoing Seulgi’s earlier words.

And then the bell above the diner door rings behind me, followed by an absolute hubbub. ‘I’ll have you know, I got an A in Miss Lee’s class through workin’ my ass off!’ ‘No, it’s ‘cause you’re a little brownnoser, Jeon.’ ‘Hey! I am not!’ ‘So, if you’re workin’ your ass off in her class, why can’t you work your ass off in all the others? You’re failin’ everything else!’ ‘I’m not failin’ anything! I just don’t have time to do extra sessions with any other teachers.’ ‘You’re doing extra sessions with Miss Lee? Lucky fucker.’ ‘Lucky? How am I lucky?’ ‘She’s stacked.’ ‘So what? She might be a sex-pot, but we’re doin’ history work, not makin’ out.’ ‘Maybe you should make out with her. Drive her home, a little backseat bingo.’ ‘Jeon’s too much of a sissy for that.’ ‘I’m not a sissy! I could easy… backseat bingo with Miss Lee if I wanted too.’ ‘So you don’t want to? Are you queer?’

‘Hey, fat-heads, put a lid on it,’ one voice rises above all the squabbling. ‘Get a load of those dollies,’ the voice says softly, not softly enough for us to not hear. I feel a sudden rush of panic, knowing they’re about to join us. ‘Are those paper shakers I spy?’ ‘It can’t be.’ The teasing voices get louder and closer, and Irene gives me an encouraging smile, obviously telling me not to worry.

‘Ah, if it isn’t Rydell’s resident greasers,’ Seulgi says with a small smirk, and then ‘Rydell’s resident greasers’ come into my view. All of them have their hair slicked back and wear black leather jackets over black or white t-shirts, and black or blue jeans, but that’s where the similarities end. All of them are handsome, but in their own ways; Irene was right – they’re all dreamy. ‘Speak for the rest of ‘em, my hair ain’t greasy,’ one of the boys says with a boxy smile, pushing himself into the booth beside Joy who welcomes him with a flirty grin. He’s right too; his hair isn’t greasy at all. None of their hair is. A little shiny and sleek, but not greasy. At the mention of grease, one of the boys begins singing ‘Grease Is The Word’ obnoxiously loud, another hitting him over the head.

‘Don’t you skirts look cute?’ another of the boys says with a smirk as he pulls a stool up to the side of our booth, and the girls all smile back. ‘Thanks, Jungkook,’ Yeri says with a little flutter of her eyelashes, and he ever-so-slightly leans over me towards her, ignoring me completely. ‘You’re most welcome, doll,’ he replies, and she giggles behind her hand.

‘Oh. Who’s this?’ one of the other boys asks, looking at me, and suddenly all of them are looking at me. I will myself to be confident and flirty like the other girls, and I sit up a little in my seat. ‘She’s new ‘round here,’ Wendy says, not giving me a proper introduction. But it seems it’s better she didn’t, all of the boys suddenly intrigued, eyes scanning me intently. I spot Seulgi and Joy exchange a little grin; they’ve been bugging me all week to try and talk to some boys, saying it’d be super easy for me because of how much of a ‘dish’ I am, but I’m way too shy for that. ‘Obviously. I woulda noticed a cute little piece like this before,’ a disembodied voice says, and when Jungkook moves his head to the side, I spot the source of the voice.

He’s… hot, to say the least, his good looks making my stomach turn a little. His skin sports a golden tan, his eyes and hair a dark brown, and he has nice proportions, not too built but not exactly small either. He gives me a little grin when he spots me looking at him, and I’m endeared when I notice his lips form a heart shape when he smiles. I’m certain I’ve seen a smile like that before.

‘Don’t call her a piece, Hoseok. That’s derogatory towards women,’ Irene says, all eyes turning to her with surprise. Hoseok. Nice name. ‘What? We all know I’m a feminist, it’s not a surprise,’ she says matter-of-factly, as though it’s the most normal thing in the world, before taking a sip of her milkshake. ‘We’re just surprised you know a big word like derogary,’ one of the boys says, coaxing laughter from the rest of them. ‘It’s derogatory, doofus, not derogary,’ Irene says but her voice is lost under their laughter.

‘Hey, Yoongi, Mina’s workin’ tonight,’ one of the boys says, nudging another, presumably Yoongi, who instantly looks up with eager eyes, everyone else laughing. ‘Excuse me, ladies, knuckleheads. My lady awaits,’ he says, the other boys hollering and hooting at him, pushing him towards where poor Mina cleans tables on the other side of the diner.

‘So, what’s the dealio with you, sweetie? How’s a cute little dish like you managed to get in with the socs?’ one of the boys says to me in a teasing tone as he leans against the booth beside ours, the other girls rolling their eyes. ‘I hate it when you call us that, Jimin,’ Seulgi says with wide eyes and a little pout, and he grins at her, blowing her a kiss before he says, ‘sorry, baby, but ya know it’s true. Popular teeny queenies, you five.’ Seulgi certainly seems appeased, a satisfied little smirk on her face when she turns to take a sip of her milkshake.

‘I was a cheerleader at my old school, so the girls got me on the team as soon as I started at Rydell,’ I explain softly, the boys all listening with interest. ‘Ain’t you a cutie? So softly spoken, an’ all posh soundin'. Not like this noisy broad,’ the boy beside Joy says, nudging her, and she nudges him back with a scowl. ‘Shut it, Tae,’ she snaps, and the boy, Tae, grins as he throws an arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his side, Joy’s scowl quickly disappearing.

‘Ain’t you in one of my classes?’ Jungkook says, and I look at him for a moment, before nodding, realising he’s in my Math class. ‘Mmhmm. Math, right?’ I say, and he nods with a little grin at me, an unreadable expression on his face. ‘You’re awful quiet in class.’ ‘And you’re awful loud.’ The entire group bursts out laughing, Jungkook included, and he looks impressed.

‘The kitten has claws, huh?’ Hoseok says, my eyes flitting up to meet his amused ones, and then I realise – I’ve seen him before. ‘I recognise you,’ I say without thinking, and a little bit of surprise appears on his face before he quickly masks it with a grin. ‘That’s a line I usually use,’ he says, and everyone laughs, a little bit of embarrassment unfurling in my chest as I let out a giggle.

‘So what’s your name, sweetheart?’ the boy that thought ‘derogary’ was a word asks, and I raise an eyebrow at him. ‘What’s yours?’ I ask, and he grins, more laughter rippling around the group. ‘Kim Seokjin, Jin for short. I’m surprised you don’t know. Irene’s neighbours sure do,’ he jokes, a little gasp escaping my lips as everyone laughs, Irene shooting him a death stare. ‘Aw, ain’t you adorable?’ Tae says with an amused grin, having noticed my gasp, and I feel blood rushing to my cheeks as I duck my head to take a sip of my milkshake.

‘What’s the name then, doll?’ Hoseok asks, my heart fluttering at the nickname. ‘y/n,’ I say, and his mouth falls open. ‘Get outta here. There’s no way. y/n y/l/n?’ he asks, and I nod mutely, shocked that he knows my full name. ‘It’s me, Jung Hoseok,’ he says, and I vaguely recognise the name, but can’t remember where I know him from. One of the boys whistles to fill the awkward silence, another whispering ‘sheesh, ain’t that a bite?’. Hoseok looks at me with intense eyes, almost willing me to remember him. ‘Come on, y/n, you remember me. That summer. At the beach. You know me,’ he says, almost desperately, and then I realise exactly who he is, ice cold shock filling my veins.

‘Hobi! No way!’ I exclaim, a grin spreading across his face as he nods. ‘Hobi? Who the fuck is Hobi?’ Jimin asks, and Hobi rubs the back of his neck embarrassedly. ‘I am. It was my nickname when I was a kid,’ he admits, the boys all laughing, and annoyance appears on his face. ‘Put a lid on it, dipsticks. My old lady gave me that nickname, an’ I’ll be damned if you make me embarrassed of it,’ he says seriously, the boys all falling silent. ‘I like it,’ Seulgi says evenly, taking a sip of her milkshake. ‘Yeah, it’s cute. Hobi. Definitely suits you,’ Wendy says, and suddenly, Hobi’s sporting a little grin, and the other boys seem a little jealous at the attention from the girls.

‘So, you two childhood friends or somethin’?’ the only boy whose name I don’t know yet asks, and both Hobi and I nod. ‘We met a couple years back, when we were… 15?’ he asks me, and I nod. ‘Yeah, 15. I was nearly 16. It was summer, an’ our villas were next to each other on holiday. We spent the whole summer together,’ he says, the others listening with interest. ‘Ain’t that just adorable? Who woulda thought our big bad wolf would turn out to be a little softie?’ the boy replies, and Hobi glares at him. ‘You’re cruisin’ for a bruisin’, Namjoon, so can it before you get a knuckle sandwich. I’m sure Wendy wouldn’t be too happy to see your face busted,’ Hobi threatens, and I’m shocked to see a new side to the gentle and kind boy so full of sunshine that I met a few years ago. He spots the look on my face, and suddenly looks ashamed of himself, the anger in his disposition instantly disappearing.

The conversation quickly moves on to Namjoon and Wendy, and I’m lost in my memories of that summer with Hobi. He was such a lovely boy, so funny and full of laughter. We made a lifetime of memories that summer, and I’ll always treasure it as the summer I fell in love for the first time.

‘Oh, y/n, your milkshake’s finished. Why don’t you get another one?’ Yeri says, nudging me out of my own mind, and I look down at my glass. Sure enough, it’s empty. I didn’t think I’d had that much. ‘Oh. Yeah, okay. Does anyone else want anything?’ I offer, and Yeri hands me some money to get her a basket of cheesy fries, and tells me to get my milkshake with her money too. And it’s then that I notice her glass is suspiciously full, around the amount that I had left in mine. She grins at me sneakily before her eyes flit to Hobi, and I know she’s plotting for him to follow me.

I slide out of the booth, and head up to the counter, my white cheer shoes squeaking against the clean vinyl floor. I cross paths with Yoongi, who’s glowering a little. ‘Any luck with Mina?’ I ask, my courage at speaking to a virtual stranger surprising me. ‘Not really,’ he admits, and I supress an amused laugh. ‘Maybe bring her some flowers next time you’re here? Girls love it when boys do things like that. It’s cute and romantic,’ I say, and he nods, digesting my words. ‘Yeah. Good idea. Thanks, new girl,’ he says, heading back to our booth with renewed energy.

I order a strawberry milkshake and Yeri’s fries at the counter, poor Mina looking like she could kill the chef when he shouts at her to clean the machine before getting my milkshake. ‘Shall I bring it over, or you gonna wait?’ she asks me, but I’m saved from answering, a voice behind me replying, ‘we’ll wait.’ Hobi appears, sliding on to the stool beside where I stand with an easy grin at me, my heart jumping.

‘I didn’t think I’d ever see you again,’ he admits, and I smile. ‘Me too. You’ve changed,’ I say, and his smile slips a little. I feel guilty, and so I make up for it by saying, ‘you’ve grown into a dreamboat.’ A grin instantly appears on his face, and he puffs out his chest a little, coaxing a laugh from me. ‘But look at you, y/n. You were always a pretty little thing, but now… well, you got a classy chassis, alright, an’ your face ain’t half bad either,’ he says as offhandedly as possible, a little grin on his face, and I can practically see his new greaser image fighting down the sweet boy that I know is inside. What he says is a little… not offensive, but I know Irene wouldn’t be too impressed if she heard it, and yet I can’t help but feel a little flattered. ‘Thank you. I think,’ I giggle, fingers toying with the hem of my skirt nervously, and he leans back against the counter, eyes skimming over my figure. ‘It was a compliment, doll. This new uniform’s cute, too. Reminds me of that little dress you wore, our last night that summer,’ he says, smiling widely, and my heart warms at him remembering.

I know exactly the dress he means; it was yellow and white plaid, sleeveless, and the hem came to just above my knee. I remember feeling so grown up in such a short dress, but it’s nothing compared to the outfit I’m wearing now. My grandparents would be scandalised if they saw me in my strappy, yellow plaid top – revealing my arms, the majority of my chest and a little bit of midriff when I stretch – and my blue plaid skirt, swishing around my thighs, with lacy white ankle socks and a yellow plaid scrunchie on my wrist. All the other girls are in variations of the same outfit, colours switched around on their tops and bottoms, different shape tops, different length skirts. It’s a little risqué, but times are slowly changing, and Irene is a firm believer that people like us will help to change it.

‘I barely remember that night,’ I say shyly, and he raises an eyebrow, knowing I’m lying. ‘I could never forget,’ he says lowly, eyes locked with mine, and the memory appears in my head. I shared my first kiss with him that night and whilst the memory is one that I treasure, I’m surprised it means anything to him. He’s a greaser, and they have a reputation for… ‘humping and dumping’ as Seulgi so eloquently put it. ‘You were my first kiss,’ he says casually, and I smile shyly, a little surprised at hearing so. ‘I never would’ve guessed,’ I say softly, and he grins. ‘I haven’t been a… greaser forever, you know,’ he says frankly, and I laugh. ‘Well, you were my first kiss too,’ I admit, and he grins even wider. ‘I know, kitten,’ he replies, and I feel my face fall a little, his face falling too. ‘No, no, I don’t mean it like that. It wasn’t bad, or anything,’ he says hastily, and I raise an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue. ‘You were just so…’ he trails off, and I give him a pointed look, prompting him to continue. ‘Innocent. Practically jail bait. A cute little Quentin Quail. It’s hot when a girl’s like that. Hotter than easy girls,’ he says, and I nod, holding back a laugh, and trying to mask how embarrassed I am at the flattery.

‘Here’s your milkshake, y/n, and your fries,’ Mina says, suddenly interrupting mine and Hobi’s eye contact. ‘Hey, Mina,’ Hobi says with a flirty grin, and I try to stop my smile from faltering. ‘Hi Hobi.’ ‘Why’s the diner so quiet tonight? It’s like Nowheresville in here.’ ‘Everyone’s at the bar, watching the football.’ ‘Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Well, anyway…’ ‘Yes, Hobi?’ Mina replies in a bored tone, and I suddenly like the girl. A lot. ‘Why don’t ya give Yoongi a chance? He’s real sweet on ya,’ Hobi says easily, and my heart warms when I realise that he’s trying to be a good friend. ‘And I told him already, I got a boyfriend,’ Mina says, and Hobi nods, impressed. ‘Yeah? What’s his name?’ ‘He goes by Bambam.’ ‘Still at school?’ ‘Na, he works at the garage ‘round the corner.’ ‘Good pay?’ ‘You writin’ a book or somethin? What’s with all the questions?’ ‘Just askin’. I wanna work there.’ ‘I’ll put in a word if you get Min over there to leave me be,’ Mina says, Hobi holding a hand out to her with a grin. ‘Deal,’ he says, Mina unable to keep a small smile off her face as she shakes his hand.

‘Come on, doll, let’s get back before Yeri’s fries go cold,’ Hobi says, his attention back on me as he hands me my milkshake, picking up the fries in one hand and snaking the other around my waist. A little thrill runs through my body at the feeling of his hand on me. He leads me back over to the table as I thank Mina over my shoulder. When we reach our booth, everyone’s staring at us, continuing to do so when Hobi puts Yeri’s fries down in front of her, slides into my seat and pulls me down onto his lap. My heart nearly pounds out of my chest.

‘You two look awful… close,’ Wendy says cautiously, and Hobi shrugs offhandedly. ‘We spent a whole summer together, ‘course we’re close.’ ‘Yeah, like two years ago.’ ‘So what?’ ‘Nothin’. Hobi.’ ‘Are ya laughin’ at my nickname?’ ‘No.’ ‘So, tell us more about this summer you two spent together,’ Taehyung says musingly, his elbow on the table and his chin resting on his hand. ‘Yeah, d’you get in her drawers?’ Jimin asks with a mischievous grin, and blood rushes to my cheeks from embarrassment. ‘Hey! Shut it, bozo, they were little kids,’ Seulgi exclaims, hitting him over the head, and he continues grinning, still looking at Hobi for an answer. ‘Mind your own beeswax,’ Hobi replies as his arms slide around my stomach. ‘Come on, let’s hear a little at least,’ Namjoon says softly, the others all nodding in agreement. ‘We wanna hear about your summer lovin’. Did you get friendly down in the sand?’ ‘D’you get far?’ ‘Did she put up a fight?’ Shut it, clods! Don’t ask questions like that, ‘specially not in front of her,’ Hobi exclaims, all of them exchanging grins. ‘Jeez, whatta grouch. You oughta tell us somethin’, since you didn’t even tell us about her after that summer,’ Jungkook says, leaning away from Hobi when the boy goes to hit him. ‘What are ya, the FBI? Lay off a little. There’s nothin’ to know. Like Seulgi said; we were little kids. Ain’t that right, kitten?’ Hobi says, and I nod in response to his question, butterflies in my stomach at being sat on his lap, having his arms around me, and having him speak to me like… like I’m his girl or something.

‘Well, whatever. I’m bored. Let’s cut out,’ Taehyung says, and I can see Joy deflate a little, my heart going out to her. ‘Na, let’s stick around a while,’ Jimin grins, eyes locked with Seulgi who grins right back. ‘Thought we were gonna hit the passion pit,’ Hobi says, Irene rolling her eyes. ‘The flick’s probably finished by now,’ Namjoon says, and Yoongi grins. ‘Let’s head down to Thunder Road,’ he says with a glint in his eyes, and the others exchange a glance before looking to Jin. ‘Na, my old lady said I gotta be home before midnight,’ Jungkook says, the others all mocking him. ‘Candy ass. Your old lady won’t say nothin’ if you’re late, let’s just go,’ Yoongi says, and Jin shakes his head. ‘Ice it. We get in enough trouble, let’s not go lookin’ for it,’ he says, surprisingly wisely, and the other boys respect his words, nodding.

‘We makin’ tracks or what? I really gotta get home or my old lady’ll crown me,’ Jungkook says, Yeri practically melting at his words – obviously she’s got a soft spot for a momma’s boy. ‘Yeah, let’s split. You dollies hangin’ ‘round here, or ya wanna come with?’ Jin asks, and the girls all look to Irene. ‘Where ya goin’? We ain’t comin’ if you’re goin’ to Thunder Road,’ Irene says, and I’m still unaware of what exactly Thunder Road is. ‘Na, we’re gonna drop the kid off an’ then… head to the bar,’ Jin says, the other boys cheering at his words. They all start to get up from their seats, and I feel Hobi fidgeting a little beneath me. I get out of the booth, and he gives me a smile before sliding out himself, and I take the empty seat. Irene looks around at us all before answering, ‘I think we’re gonna head home.’ ‘Any of ya need a ride?’ Jin offers, and Irene shakes her head. ‘I’m drivin’ Yeri and y/n home, and Seulgi’s old man said he’ll pick her, Joy and Wendy up on his way from work,’ Irene says, Jin nodding. Whilst he seemed a little immature at first, it’s obvious he’s a lot more grown up and responsible than the others.

‘Well. We’ll see you dollies at school on Monday then,’ Jin says, the other boys giving various goodbyes. Tae squeezes Joy’s thigh, the girl jumping a little in her seat as he grins, Jimin blowing Seulgi a kiss as he heads towards the door and she giggles, pretending to catch it and tuck it into her top. Namjoon gives Wendy a wink and she rolls her eyes, unable to hold back the grin on her face, as Jin exchanges a little glance with Irene and Jungkook presses a kiss to Yeri’s hand with a smirk, Yeri giggling as a blush colours her cheeks. ‘See ya Monday, y/n,’ Hobi says with a grin, and I smile back. ‘Bye, Hobi,’ I reply, the boys leaving moments later.

The diner seems eerily quiet now that they’re gone, and all of the girls look at me. ‘You and Jung Hoseok, huh? Who woulda thought?’ Joy says, looking at me with both curiosity and amusement in her eyes. ‘You’re so good, and sweet, y/n. I never woulda guessed you had the hots for him,’ Wendy says, and the true words are unspoken. So I say them. ‘And you never would’ve guessed he had the hots for me?’ I say plainly, Wendy looking a little guilty. ‘It sounds bad when you say it like that. I mean… the greasers, they flirt with us and all, but they’d choose an easy girl over us any day. And you’re not easy. You’re so innocent and soft, and I’m just surprised Hoseok would like someone like that,’ Wendy explains herself, and it makes perfect sense. ‘He wasn’t the same back then. He was… really nice, and gentle,’ I say, the girls exchanging a glance. ‘y/n, he’s been in that gang since he was, like, 14, ‘cause his big sister dates one of the older boys in the gang. Meanin’ he was a greaser back then too. Maybe… he dropped the act with you, though,’ Irene says, though she sounds sceptical. ‘Yeah. Maybe,’ I say, questioning our summer together in my head.

‘Speak of the devil,’ Wendy says gently, just before Hobi reappears beside me. ‘Hey, doll. I was wonderin’ if ya wanna do somethin’ with me? Maybe next Friday, after school?’ he asks, rubbing the back of his neck, and he looks almost nervous. My stomach turns with butterflies, and it’s only when Yeri nudges me that I remember I need to answer. ‘That… sounds real nice, but the pep rally’s next Friday. Maybe another day?’ I ask, and he nods, looking down at the floor, a little disheartened. ‘I can do something on the weekend after the pep rally?’ I offer, and he looks back up hopefully. ‘Yeah. Yeah, the weekend sounds good. You wanna… go to the passion pit? They’re showin’ Sunset Boulevard,’ he suggests, and I nod with a small smile. ‘I… I’d really like that, Hobi,’ I reply, and he smiles, real wide, his eyes practically shining. ‘I’ll pick you up. It’d be nice to see your parents again.’ ‘Yeah, that would be nice. They’d like to see you too.’ ‘Yeah. Neat. We’ll talk about it at school, but I gotta go. The boys are waitin’ for me,’ he says, and I nod, smiling. ‘Bye, Hobi,’ I say softly, and he grins back at me. ‘See ya, y/n,’ he says, taking a sip of my milkshake and laughing when I swat at him, before jogging towards the door.

I sigh happily, looking around at the girls, who all look back at me amusedly. ‘Oh, she’s a goner,’ Yeri says gently, and I laugh, rolling my eyes. ‘So is he, by the looks of it,’ Joy says, and Irene raises an eyebrow. ‘I’m not so sure. You know why people go to the passion pit,’ Irene says, and I look blankly at her. ‘Why?’ ‘To have the movie as background noise for… backseat bingo,’ she says quietly, and I feel my happiness deflate a little. I’ve met the first (and only) boy I loved again after a couple years, and I’m finding out he’s a horndog. ‘But maybe he just wants to watch the flick. I heard Sunset Boulevard’s real good,’ Seulgi says encouragingly, obviously trying to cheer me up, and I nod, though Irene’s words still ring in my ears. ‘I could be worryin’ for nothin’, y/n, don’t get sad about it. I just wanna look out for ya, that’s all,’ Irene says, and I smile at her, feeling gratitude for her being so kind this soon into our friendship. ‘Thanks, Irene. Don’t worry, I won’t let him… get into my drawers,’ I joke, repeating Jimin’s earlier words, and the girls all burst out laughing. ‘I sure hope not ‘cause my momma’s goin’ to watch Sunset Boulevard next weekend,’ Joy says between laughs, coaxing more laughter from us. I meet Irene’s eyes, and she gives me a gentle smile before mouthing, ‘be careful.’ ‘Don’t worry,’ I mouth back with a smile, ‘I will.’

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365days365movies · 3 years

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March 11, 2021: The Seventh Seal (1957) (Part One)

Well, I did Cocteau this month already, so...time for another big boi director, I guess.

I’m sorry for me, too, because this one scares me a little more than Cocteau.

Ingmar Bergman. One of the greatest directors of all time, and the only prominent Swedish director that I’ve ever heard of. Also someone whom I’m DEFINITELY not qualified to judge, but here we are anyway.

Best known for Persona, Fanny and Alexander, and...one more movie, Bergman was an EXTREMELY prolific director, and far more influential on global film than you or I know. Seriously, dude influenced everyone from Martin Scorcese to Terry Jones to Peter Hewitt in one way or another. He’s passed away, as of 2007, at the age of 89. And speaking of Death...

There have been a LOT of incarnations of Death in media. Hell, we literally looked at one two movies ago, in Orpheus. You could argue that Ugetsu also revolved around death, but I’m talking about Death, the physical embodiment of the concept.

Now, the most common incarnation seen is the Grim Reaper (pictured above), but there are MANY other well-known versions. Here, have a few different versions, just for taste.

Yeah, that’s a lot. Kudos if you knew all of them! But that last one...I mentioned Peter Hewitt earlier. He directed Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, and in it, the two meet that films version of Death, a Swedish-accented ghoul. And if you’ve ever wondered about that, or about this joke from the opening song of Muppets: Most Wanted:

...Well, keep reading. Like I said, Bergman was influential, and perhaps NONE of his films was quite as influential as The Seventh Seal or Det sjunde ingelet. Welcome to a show about Death.

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

ONCE AGAIN, The Criterion Collection logo brings us in, followed by the opening credits and music from that should accompany a Dark Souls boss, followed by a quote from Revelation 8:1-6, about the opening of the Seventh Seal. Roll credits?

Well, no. Instead, on the shore of the Atlantic Ocean, we meet a knight, resting there and praying to God, as his horses drink from the salt water. This is Antonius Block (Max von Sydow), a knight who is resting here with his squire, Jöns (Gunnar Björnstrand). As Block takes out his chess set, he is joined by...

ALREADY?

Holy shit, I didn’t expect this scene to happen FOUR MINUTES IN??? Dear Lord, if this is happening now, what the hell is the rest of this movie? I am afraid of that answer now.

Anyway, yes, this is Death (Bengt Ekerot). And yeah, dude is indeed a CREEPY motherfucker. He’s been at Block’s side for a long time, but has now finally come for him, at last.

However, Block, ever clever knight that he is, capitalizes on rumors that he’s heard about the character, and challenges him to a game of chess. They start, with Block playing white and Death playing black.

But as they’re about to begin, we cut to Block and Jöns leaving the beach. Huh. OK then, I guess we’ll get back to that, huh? Jöns speaks of ill omens, and they see a pair of corpses, rotted after a long time dead. As their journey continues, we shift focus from them to a small group of actors in a caravan.

One of these actors - Jof (Nils Poppe) - sees a vision of a woman walking with her infant child, as angelic music plays in the background. He runs back to the caravan, where he wakes the sleeping Mia (Bibi Andersson), his wife. He tells her that this was the Virgin Mary and her baby boy, Jesus. Um...wow. Holy shit, my man.

Mia takes her husband’s vision as his active imagination, while he takes it as pure fact. Apparently, he’s very prone to having these kinds of visions. Mia warns him to tamp those visions down, or people will think him a fool. All of this rouses both fellow actor Jonas Skat (Erik Strandmark), and Jöns and Mia’s infant son Mikael (a cute chubby baby).

The troupe is on their way to Einsmore, performing for a group of priests. They will perform in a play about Death, once again making me think about Beetlejuice the Musical, which is really need to watch.

Block and Jöns arrive at a church, where real-world painter Albertus Pictor (Gunnar Olsson) is painting a Danse Macabre. Jöns asks why paint something so...well, macabre, and Pictor notes that it’s not a bad thing to remind people that they will die. This is especially as the Black Plague sweeps across Europe. YUP. IT’S THAT TIME PERIOD.

The two speak more on the absolute HORROR of the Bubonic Plague, a topic that clearly bothers Jöns. Meanwhile, Block goes to pray in a confessional, where he reveals that he doesn’t truly understand the point of prayer in this world. He’s clearly struggling with his faith, which must be HELL for a knight. And he delivers these confessions to his ever-present companion: Death.

Block wants God to speak to him directly, and questions whether or not God truly exists. He wants to do one last, meaningful thing before he meets his inevitable end. Block hasn’t yet realized that he’s speaking with Death, and openly talks about the chess game they began that morning. Death replies that they will continue their game in a nearby inn. This is how Block intends to prolong his own life.

He goes back out to meet Jöns, who’s still speaking with the painter, and the two leave the church. Directly outside, a woman is in the stocks, and is preparing to be burnt at the stake for learning carnal knowledge of Satan. She’s also being blamed for being the cause of the Black Plague itself. Just gotta say, big if true, goddamn. Black wants to know if she’s met the Devil himself, but she’s not quite all there.

Block and Jöns continue their journey, making their way from farmlands. Jöns goes into one of the barns in a village, where a dead body lies. He then hides as another man enters, and steals jewelry from the woman’s corpse. This is Raval (Bertil Anderberg), and he’s quickly caught in the act by a mute woman (Gunnel Lindblom).

However, before he can do anything to this poor girl, he’s stopped by Jöns, who recognizes him from the seminary, ten years prior. He tells him to shove off, and offers the mute woman a place as his housekeeper. And, uh...yeah, Jöns is kind of a dick, but more of a cad, y’know? He’s not likeable, but he also isn’t hateable.

In town, the actors’ troupe is performing, and the leader of the troupe - Skat - is seduced by a woman during the performance, and they have sex in the bushes behind the stage. As all of this is happening, the performance is interrupted by a group of flagellants, extremist priests that whip themselves and parade through the town, showing their extreme devotion to their faith. Fuckin’ yikes, this is a thing that ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

And as these people, devoted in their faith and pain, march through the town, the townspeople are moved to tears by this act. And this act has real blood, sweat, and tears poured into it. The head priest of the parade then gives a fatalist sermon to the townsfolk, noting that death will come for them all with the plague, and berating them for their seeming ignorance of their fate.

And dude is MEAN. He mocks people’s appearance, and screams to all of them that they’re doomed, and will die painful deaths. Watching on is not only the actors’ troupe, but also Block, Jöns, and the mute girl (yeah, she never gets a name, goddamn it). The pain parade moves on, singing their solemn hymns all the way. And I’m not gonna lie...it’s intense. Especially knowing that this shit actually HAPPENED? Damn.

Once they pass, Jöns notes his disbelief at this display, never believing how far people will go, or the stories that they’ll tell. He’s interrupted by blacksmith Plog (Åke Fridell), who’s looking for his wife. Meanwhile, inside, a group of townspeople talk about the spreading plague, and wonder if this is the end times indeed. Plog comes in and asks Jof where his wife is. He also doesn’t know, but it’s revealed that this is the woman that Skat ran off with in the bushes. The conversation is joined by thief Raval, who outs Jof as an actor, and a friend of Skat.

Raval and Plog both threaten him for information on Skat and Lisa’s whereabouts, and humiliate him in front of the entire tavern. It’s actually quite hard to watch as well. This poor, poor guy, who seems like a nice enough dude, is essentally tortured for the transgressions of his asshole friend. But it’s interrupted by Jöns, who stops Raval in his tracks, and slashes his face, which he said he’d do if he ever saw him again.

Excellent spot for Part 2, I think! See you there!

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written-on-the-trees · 3 years

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Strawberry Necklace Part 6 - Yungblud Fan Fiction

Word Count: 1850 words.

Warnings: None, for this part. Smut, fem-dom, and prostitution for the whole story.

Summary: Nova and Dom accidently announce their relationship to Nova’s family.

Where else can you find this: Ao3 | Wattpad

Part Five | Part Seven

Nova woke up with warm arms wrapped around her waist, and the feel of Dom's chest pressed against her back. He wasn't asleep, but he didn't seem to interested in getting up and disturbing her - she wasn't sure he even knew she was awake - instead he seemed to be happy to bury his face in her hair and cuddle. It was utterly adorable - he was utterly adorable, possibly the sweetest man she'd ever met.

But as much as she wanted to bask in the peace of this moment forever, and enjoy Dom's cuteness, she wanted to say good morning to him even more.

Stretching slowly - and making sure to 'unintentionally' push her arse against his groin - Nova hummed sleepily before rolling over to meet Dom's hazel eyes, sparkling as they were in the mid-morning sunlight: "Good morning, handsome."

"Hello." Dom blushed sweetly: "Did you sleep well?"

"I slept amazingly. You must've worn me out." she teased him, wanting to see Dom blush harder, and instantly getting her wish when she winked at him: "Breakfast?"

"I feel like I should be offering to make breakfast you." Dom managed to get out past his embarrassment: "I think you literally fucked my brains out."

Nova laughed: "That's cheesy as fuck, you know that?"

"Got no brains left, can't help it." he grinned cheekily.

Nova laughed, shaking her head and leaning in to peck him on the cheek before she got out of bed to head to the bathroom - snagging his t-shirt from last night on her way out. By the time she'd finished, Dom was out of bed too, in his boxers and skinny jeans, ready to slide into the bathroom after her, giving Nova the chance to head to the kitchen to make a start on the breakfast she'd offered.

Dom followed her out a few minutes later, slinking into the kitchen to wrap his arms around her waist as she fried bacon. He gave her a gentle squeeze, before untangling himself to make them some tea, the two of them working in comfortable silence.

The only time they spoke was when Nova heard Dom taking a picture of her when she was stood at the sink with her back to him, smirking over her shoulder at him as he openly took another, and asked her if he could put the first one - the one without her face in - on his Instagram story.

It was really sweet that he asked, in Nova's opinion. She wasn't exactly shy - wearing nothing but Dom's over-sized t-shirt and her underwear was hardly the most scandalous she'd ever looked - but she appreciated that he didn't just assume that she would be okay with things. She let him post it, smiling when he showed her his story, with a shower of multi-coloured hearts around her. It was absolutely the cutest picture anyone had ever posted of her online, and Nova suddenly wished that she could post a similarly cute picture of him...but given the only people who followed her Instagram were her family and friends, there was absolutely no way she'd get away with posting a picture of anyone they didn't know without getting questioned.

Showing off that she had a new love interest for the first time via Instagram probably wouldn't be the smartest move. Most of her family already despaired over her life choices, she didn't need to give them any reason to bitch about - or at - her. Especially since she and Dom weren't actually together.

Nova didn't need all that family drama over a perceived relationship didn't actually exist yet - the key word being 'yet'.

What label - if any - she and Dom were going to use was something they would have to discuss before they told anyone anything - but Nova didn't want to be pushy. It would come up when it came up, and until then they could just keep it quiet, at least on her end.

Of course, Nova was used to men who weren't comfortable discussing emotions - and Dom was far from that.

"So, I know we didn't say anything more than that we were going to see each other, and I don't want to be pushy..." he said while cutting into his eggs: "...but I'm going to be pushy. Are we, like, dating? Are we partners now? Boyfriend and girlfriend? Are we just seeing each other?"

Nova carefully swallowed her mouthful of tea before looking at Dom: "What do you want us to be?"

"What do you want us to be?"

Honestly, Nova couldn't be upset that he'd turned the question around on her...even though she genuinely had no idea where to begin answering it: "I...I don't know. More than just seeing each other."

"But not partners, or boyfriend and girlfriend, or whatever we'd call that?"

"Not yet? I know we really like what we've seen of each other, but we've only spent one night together as, like, just us." she tried to explain how she felt, taking a bite of bacon just for a chance to get her thoughts in order: "So I guess dating? To see if we're as compatible as we think we are."

Dom nodded thoughtfully: "I think that sounds good."

"You're not upset that we didn't jump straight to being officially together?" Nova asked, trying not to frown in concern.

She wasn't used to people wanting to take things this fast - and falling back on her usual pragmatism was the only way she could think to go about things right now, but she didn't want to upset Dom when all he was doing was being sweet.

But despite her concern, Dom just grinned and shook his head: "If we're dating, that means I get to show off and take you on fun dates to impress you, and I'm actually really looking forward to that. I'm gonna blow your mind."

Nova laughed: "You already do...but I'm really looking forward to going on dates with you, too."

Dom grinned, and leaned in to press his forehead against Nova's affectionately. Nova leaned into it, smiling almost as wide as she saw Dom was, before she closed her eyes to just bask in the moment. She definitely hadn't been expecting it to go that well - the fact it had had left her feeling giddy from relief and excitement, and, if his facial expressions were anything to go by, Dom felt much the same way.

Which, as far as Nova was concerned, was a perfectly good reason to have a lazy day together.

They'd just gotten past what Nova had been worried would be a really awkward conversation a lot sooner than she thought they would, in possibly the best way they could, with neither of their feelings getting stepped on - if that didn't mean that they'd earned the right to have an easy few hours, she didn't know what would.

The pair of them ended up back in her bed, cuddled up together under the blankets, watching Rock of Ages on Netflix, singing along to all the 80's songs as dramatically as they could while remaining under the blankets. It didn't last too long; by the time I Want To Know What Love Is came on, they'd lost interest in Tom Cruise and his blonde girlfriend, and were more interested in each other.

Dom was on top of Nova, one hand on her cheek and the other on her waist, singing random snippets of the song playing in the background between dipping down and kissing her softly, all while smiling sweetly. Nova had never been seduced by Rock of Ages before, but Dom was managing it, somehow. Nova tangled her hand in Dom's hair so she could pull him down for a proper kiss.

It was still sweet. Dom's hand stayed on her cheek, his thumb rubbing gently over her cheekbone

Nova leaned up a little further, willing to get a crick in her neck if it meant that she could keep kissing Dom - only for her phone to go off on the bedside table. Dom pulled away, breathless, and looking so gorgeous Nova couldn't resist pulling him in for another kiss...just in time for her phone to go off again with a second message.

Dom laughed this time, even as Nova groaned in frustration: "Why does my phone hate me?"

"Clearly someone wants your attention just as much as I do." Dom joked, gently rolling off Nova and handing her her phone before getting to his feet: "I'm going to get a drink. Do you want anything?"

"There's a bar of Marvellous Creations in the fridge, if you wouldn't mind bringing it back with you."

Dom beamed: "The one with the popping candy?"

"Of course."

Dom clambered out of bed to go to the kitchen, and Nova picked up her phone to see who had messaged her, only to see it was a picture from Stella. Assuming it was just some more random bullshit from the kids' dad again - he was so fond of being a dick for the sake of it, even if Stella hadn't actually done anything wrong, often resulting in nothing actually happening - Nova opened it to see what the dickhead was saying now...and almost dropped her phone.

It wasn't a message from Stella's ex.

It was the picture of Nova from Dom's Instagram, followed by a message asking if it was in fact a picture of her.

Shit.

Even if she was asking if it was Nova in the picture, Nova knew Stella knew it was her. Stella knew what she looked like, even from behind, and the picture was in her kitchen. Even if Nova said it was just some other blonde woman (which might've worked, since it wasn't like Stella could reasonably argue with that), there was no-way she could deny that the kitchen was hers.

She never thought she'd regret

...There was no denying that that was her kitchen. And there would be no getting away with telling Stella that it wasn't Nova, just a random blonde woman in Nova's kitchen.

Shit.

Dom came back into the toom, took one look at her face, and immediately dropped down next to her on the bed: "What's wrong?"

"So...I forgot my niece was a fan of yours." Nova buried her face in her hands: "She follows you on Instagram."

It took a few seconds for the realisation to hit Dom - but when it did, his face fell: "She saw the picture of you on my story?"

Nova nodded: "She did. And she sent it to her mum. Who is now asking if it is me in the picture, like she doesn't already know what my bloody kitchen looks like. She just wants to me tell her it's me."

"...What are you going to do?"

"What else can I do?" Nova scrubbed her hands over her face: "I'm going to tell her it's me."

#The Trees Writes #Yungblud #Yungblud imagine #Yungblud fanfic #Yungblud fan fic #Yungblud fan fiction

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oh-its-souichi · 5 years

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Unfair

Yo!

L X Reader

Ya’ll remember Death-note?

Here is some a--n--g--s--t that has been sitting finished in my drafts for months.

When it comes to Death-Note... I get emotional

So here is some pain.

Warning- Character death, a--n--g--s--t, I changed the timeline/shortened the Kira case, grammar is shite as usual.

He nuzzled his face into your neck breathing in your sweet scent while your arms wrapped tightly around him bringing your bodies closer together in a reuniting hug. It had been three years since he had seen you last, three years to long. Due to the dangerous nature of the Kira case he forbade himself any contact with you not wanting to put you or his unborn child, at the time, in danger. “Do you want to meet him?” you said excitedly ending the hug prematurely. Your face lit up before him, the E/C on your eyes seeming to amplify. He nodded his head “Yes. Where is he?”

You wrapped your hand around his leading him down the hallway of the house he had bought for the two of you and into a nursery. Unlike he normally would he didn’t bother checking his surrounding instead gently walking into the door way, hie eyes resting on the three year old that lay fast asleep on the twin sized bed.

The babies small thumb was pressed against his upper lip while his black tresses seeming to have a mind of their own and pointed up in all directions decorating the white pillow he rested his head on. L dropped down onto his haunches his eyes becoming level with the bed staring at the child in utter fascination. “This is my son?” he questioned not really expecting an answer having said it more to verify the fact to himself. You walked forward dropping your hand gently on his shoulder. “He looks a lot like you doesn’t he?” you whispered. L nodded in complete awe his hand reaching out to touch him before he stopped pulling his reach back. You giggled taking your hand off of his head walking to position yourself on the bed in front of him.

His dark eyes watched as you took the baby in your arms motioning for him to take a seat next to you by tapping on the empty space next to you on the bed.

Hesitantly L rose to his feet looking down on the two of you. His mind for the first time in his life completely blank. He had never imagined in his 28 years of life that this would be the future in store for him.

Spotting his hesitancy you lifted yourself off of the bed holding the baby out to L who looked at you. “That may not be wise.” he said entertaining fear in his eyes, a emotion you were not used to seeing from him. “It will be okay” you reassured holding the child out to him regardless

He took the child in his arms pressing him protectively against his chest the world seeming to slow down around him. He felt his chest lock up and his heart clench. Falling completely in love with the bundle he held. ‘Is this how he felt?’ he thought picturing Soichi Yagami holding a very infant Light in his arms.

Was the same love he felt now radiating out of the elder man’s eyes?

Was there a possibility that his child would walk the same path Light did?

Ruining their own lives for the sake of some misguided and blind justice? He shuddered picturing your eyes full of tears, as your son was sentenced to death on horrendous crimes like he had watched happen to Light. His mind whirred with horrible images of everything that could go wrong while raising the child.

‘What if one of us has health complications or I fail him as a father? What if some murderous perp. finds out about my family and kidnaps one of the two of us on a whim taking away the most precious thing-’ Exhaustively he played through each scenario before putting a stop to the toxic thought process. It was completely unnecessary because none of that would come to reality. He wouldn’t let it. Gingerly he set the child back down in the place they had laid in before pinching the soft blue blanket between his finger and thumb dragging it up onto his son’s chest, tucking him in.

He stood up turning to you engulfing your body in a hug. “I will be the best I can be for the two of you” he said softly feeling the softness of your hair brush against his cheek. “Please believe me when I say that” He lulled his head back looking you in the eye. You nodded your head with a cute smile on your face. “I know you will be” you responded cupping his face in his hands.

He looked at you admiring the way the moonlight streaming through the window lit up your face, the light seeming to sparkle on your skin. He parted his lips feeling the urge to feel you completely against him. “I’m going to kiss you” he said bringing his face slowly to yours. Before you could nod he closed his eyes crashing his lips against yours reveling in how good they felt against his. He pulled you closer deepening the kiss. losing himself entirely in your touch before his lungs felt like they would explode from lack of oxygen. He pulled his head away from you letting his body remain tightly against yours, not ready to be apart.

It had been to long.

“I missed you” he heard you sing the words absolute music to his ears.

He opened his eyes expecting to see you there in front of him, looking forward to still feeling your touch. So when the moment finally came and he opened his dark eyes expectantly he was shocked to not see you there. Instead of resting on your face, the face out of all the faces he had ever seen in his life he had adored the most; his eyes fell on the white ceiling above him.

‘Oh right’ he thought feeling his body hit the cool ground below him. His heart hammering in his chest. Beside him he heard the plate of cake he was eating hit the ground the metallic clash of the spoon on the tile rang in his ears. “Ryuzaki!” he heard one of his colleagues yell. Which one he couldn’t tell and frankly he didn’t care. His vision began to fade and he tried so hard to bring himself back into the nursery wanting to feel your touch once more before he was taken out of existence. He wished you were here to see him out, to hold his hand while he made the last discovery, solved the last case of his life. Before he revealed the truth behind death.

He longed to feel your hand in his, being the last human he came in contact with before crossing over, before becoming completely alone. He understood why people clung to the idea of an afterlife. Why at funerals some did not cry reassuring one another that they would see their long lost loved ones again on the other side. He entertained the idea liking the sound of it but knew that would not be the case.

He would never see you again.

His lungs pushed a shaky breathe out of his throat and his heart began to slow, coming to a stop. Your face came up in his thoughts again. This time it was smiling, your hand traveling up and down his arm the sun shining brightly. ‘Isn’t this a memory?’ He thought. Your mouth began to form a word but the image was fading fast. ‘No not yet’ he pleaded with himself bringing back the sight. You brushed your nose against his looking him deeply in his eyes, adoration spilling from your face. Suddenly the image cut and your voice spoke the words he saw you attempt to form.

“I love you so much”

Darkness engulfed him until the spark of his mind was snubbed out.

#l x reader #l lawliet x reader #lawliet x reader #l #lawliet #deathnote #deathnote fanfiction

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vicunaburger · 4 years

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Admittedly, I’m Hard to See

Fandom: Beetlejuice the Musical Chapters: 13.1/? Pairing: Beetlejuice x OC (Holidae) The Players: Beetlejuice, Lydia Deetz, Holidae Bell Word Count: 2,301 Warnings: M for Suggestive Content and Language

Notes: I had to break this one up because it was getting away from me. Part 2 coming soon~

Chapter 13.1 - In Which the Mind is a Terrible Thing to Use

Time was a weird concept when you were dead.

Minutes, hours, days: none of them really had any meaning anymore. They were just arbitrary things that kept the mortal realm in line, dictating the daily lives of those still living in it. The Neitherworld time difference was one of the hardest things for the Recently Deceased to grasp upon entry, and it was part of Beetlejuice’s job as a guide to break it down in simple terms. Congrats! You’re dead, do what you want because you’re here forever. Take up a hobby or something, it makes the days go by faster.

When he was in the mortal realm, he never really paid attention to the passage of time, but he knew it happened.

It had been dark when Holidae had dragged him topside, and now her room was brighter with sunlight peeking through dark curtains. He wondered if Holidae even realized time had passed that much, since she had her nose buried in the Handbook for a while now. She had let him sit with her this whole time, occasionally leaning against his shoulder to find a more comfortable reading position.

When he realized it was already nearing the middle of the day, he offered to leave her alone so that she could sleep, something he knew breathers had to do, “Hey, your eyes are gonna cross if you keep that up. Go to bed or something, I gotta check on a project back on the Other Side anyway.”

Holidae looked up from her reading, blinking at him to let her eyes adjust, “You’re leaving me?”

Beetlejuice had been lighting up a cigarette, but her question made him pause, the unlit smoke hanging from the corner of his mouth. Something in that tone of voice was… familiar. A little nagging worm in the back of his mind that he couldn’t quite pin down.

“I won’t stay away too long, babes. You won’t even miss me that much.” He chuckled, resuming his task and taking a long drag, puffing out jagged little smoke heart in her direction. “I know how eager you are to have me all to yourself. I don’t blame you; all this sexiness within arm’s reach for so long… your willpower it amazing, ya know?”

Frowning, she waved the smoke away, “Not going to miss the crushing weight of your ego, that’s for damn sure.”

Chuckling, Beej snapped his fingers, vanishing with a soft pop. Holidae rolled her eyes, sliding off the bed and going over to check the alarm clock on the dresser, wincing when she noticed it was already the afternoon. Hearing movement from downstairs, she quickly changed out of her pajamas, heading down to see what Lydia was up to.

Lydia was by the front door, one foot planted firmly on the top of an overstuffed suitcase as she attempted to close it, struggling with the zipper. Holidae skipped down the stairs two at a time, going over to kneel down and help to make sure nothing was being caught in the closure.

“Jesus, Lyddy, you’re going away for one night. Do you really need all this stuff?” Holidae mumbled, stuffing a frilly lace skirt back inside the suitcase. “Are you going for a fashion show?”

“Hey, you never know what can happen in the uninhabited part of the woods at night. What if some cryptid comes out and want to borrow an evening look? I’m not going to be rude, Holli.” Lydia snickered, managing to secure the small padlock on the closure.

Laughing, Holidae helped to lift the suitcase up onto its wheels, “I can’t argue with that logic. Just make sure you take the dress to the dry cleaner’s afterwards. Might have fleas.”

“Speaking of fleas, it’s your turn for chores this weekend. I’ve already seen this house looking like a Halloween haunt once, don’t let it happen without me, okay?” Lydia grabbed the car keys of the entryway table, dragging the suitcase behind her as she headed outside.

———

Holidae spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning the house from top to bottom; mainly not wanting to incur Lydia’s wrath should the house get another inch of dust before she returned, but it also served to take her mind off of other things. Her sudden burst of confidence in inviting her ghostly roommate to spend the weekend with her… alone… she wasn’t normally such a forward person. Her brain was having a time of it; trying to decide if she should try and politely rescind the invitation, or just jump in with both feet.

Reading the Handbook hadn’t really done much to ease her fears, seeing as there was absolutely no useful information on whether or not such activities were even allowed, let alone possible. Were the going to be consequences? Did they need to take any extra precautions? How did he even retain a sex drive with no functioning organs? Obviously, Beej wasn’t shy about getting a little frisky with her, but was it done through some sort of non-biological means?

Over-thinking about such things were probably why she hadn’t slept in the past 24 hours.

Holidae halfheartedly pushed the broom around the outdoor deck, trying to gather the fallen leaves into a pile. A sudden breeze kicked up some fallen foliage, disrupting the progress she had made in sweeping the porch clear of debris. Groaning, she knelt down and picked up one of the leaves, glaring at it as though it were the sole cause of her internal torments.

“Why must you taunt me, huh? I just get this all clear and pretty and moderately balanced in some semblance of external harmony. And now you ruin it so casually?” She tossed the leaf into the small pile she had gathered with a huff.

Not wanting to be deterred from her task, she slipped her phone from her back pocket, queuing up some music to break up the silence of the outdoors. Once she found something suitable, she placed the phone on the nearby lawn chair, turning up the volume.

It was a bouncy tune; one that made it impossible not to add a few extra flourishes to her broom strokes, sweeping along to the rhythm. Before long, all intentions of actually cleaning had ceased, and Holidae was far more concerned with pulling off fantastic moves with her dance partner. For a broom, it was surprisingly limber as she swung her arms wide, twirling in some bastardized ballroom number created just for this occasion. Waltz for an autumn cleaning spree.

“You’re making a mess.” A familiar, gravel laden voice cut over the music.

Holidae looked around wildly, clutching the broom to her chest in surprise, noticing the ghost casually lounging on the lawn chair. He held her phone in one hand, scrolling idly; a half-finished cigarette burning in the other.

“Holly-baby, you’ve been holding out on me. All these cute underwear pics… and you never bothered to share? I’m hurt. Who’s been seeing these if not me?” Beetlejuice waves the phone around for emphasis. “Do I need to remove some dude’s eyeballs now?”

Her face cherry-red, she marched over and snatched the phone away, “Hey, that’s private stuff, jerkass.”

Upon inspection, the phone was set on the lock screen, meaning he hadn’t been browsing her private photos as he had claimed. Beej sat up with interest, laughing at her panicked state.

“Ah-ha! So you do have sexy pictures on that thing. Give it here… don’t you know sharing is caring?” He held out his hand impatiently. “Call it a sneak preview.”

Holidae shoved the phone into her pocket, “Whether or not such pictures exist is none of your concern. And please don’t go around removing eyeballs. Or at least don’t tell me about it. I don’t want to be complicit.”

“It’s very much my concern, babes. I should be the only one getting the honor of seeing every bit of you from now on. But fine, I will keep you out of my eyeball collection.” Beej reached up, hooking a finger through the belt loop of her jeans, tugging playfully. “So, Cinderella, you done playing housekeeper? I could always get you a little maid outfit for authenticity.”

“Well, technically I’m done, but there’s always- eep!” Holidae was cut off, having been picked up and thrown over Beetlejuice’s shoulder like a sack of flour. “Put me down! This is undignified!”

Beetlejuice ignored her struggling, humming a nonsense tune as he glided through the house, heading up the stairs. Holidae kicked her feet in protest, stringing a few choice words together as she was carried around with little effort. One of her kicks landed dangerously close to a rather sensitive area below his belt, earning her a sharp smack across her backside.

“Ow. Fuck you!” She hissed, gripping his coat as he floated up the stairs. “I don’t like this one bit! Put me down or I’ll kick you again, and I won’t miss.”

Undeterred by her protesting, the ghost continued all the way into the attic, unceremoniously depositing her on the ratty sofa; having been folded up at some point. She sank into the half-stuffed cushions, propping herself against the arm of the sofa, angrily scrunching herself as far into the corner as she could fit. The ghost settled himself into the opposite corner, amused with how flustered he had made her in such a short time.

“Holli~” Beetlejuice was purring deep in his throat, “Babydoll, look at me.”

“No,” Holidae kicked at him with her feet.

He chuckled, “C’mon. Look, I’ll apologize if you just look at me. I don’t say sorry often, so I think you should take advantage of this opportunity. Look look look…”

With a heavy sigh and a roll of her eyes, Holidae turned to look at him, “You are such a pain in the- JESUS CHRIST.”

Beetlejuice was sitting with one leg folded over the other, his arm draped across the back of the sofa. A perfectly normal pose… save for the fact he was stark naked. His pale coloring covered his entire body; the bits of green-tinted mold dotting various parts of him. A thin smattering of chest hair - green of course, matching his hair - made a trail down his pudgy stomach, the rest hidden by his crossed leg. She could only assume that all of his hair sported the same color-changing hue, but wasn’t about to ask. The only thing really out of place about him was the fact there was a brutal looking scar in between two of his ribs.

Holidae stared, slack jawed like a fish, unable to look away for far too long; desperately keeping her eyes locked onto his face. Beej waggled his eyebrows in an exaggerated manner, gesturing over himself with his free hand.

“I’m sorry I made you undignified or whatever.” He attempted a sorry look, “I take it you like what you see? All this can be yours~ whenever you want. As an apology.”

“I… I can’t look anywhere but your face.” Holidae stuttered, a flush of color spreading out from her nose across her cheeks. “P-Please put on pants. At least pants.”

The ghost mumbled disapprovingly, but complied with her request to a degree; a pair of boxer shorts covering the most scandalous bits of him for the moment. Breathing a sigh of relief, Holidae allowed herself to relax against the arm of the sofa, running a hand through her hair as she gave him a better look-over this time.

“Ah, good, my plan worked.” Beej crawled over to her side of the sofa, squishing her playfully between his body and the cushions.

Holidae head-butted him, “The plan to embarrass me to death?”

He shook his head, conveniently resting his face on her chest, “My ice-breaker. Getting naked. You ever heard of that old thing where if you’re awkward about something, you picture people naked? I cut out the middleman. You’ve now seen me naked, so it you won’t be embarrassed about later, and now we just gotta work on getting you naked.”

“That’s an ice-breaker to you? That’s… that’s like final step territory. What kind of person just immediately disrobes like that? Okay, well, not everyone can just magic their clothes away like you, but it’s the point.” She pouted, brushing through the shorter hairs at the nape of his neck with her fingers.

“...hookers?” He offered, taking a moment to adjust her legs so he was between them, using her body as furniture instead of the sofa.

“Ah, good point, but you don’t strike me as a street walker.” Her skin grew warm under her sweatshirt, fully processing the mostly naked man lounging with her. “Even then I think there’s a least a few minutes beforehand where it’s all business transaction talk. So, being naked immediately is optional. Plus, what if the client wants to keep their clothes on? There’s too many variables, Juice. Did you even account for activities that don’t require disrobing at all?”

Holidae realized she was rambling, her nerves having set her brain on fast-talking auto pilot to cover the fact she was stalling the whole situation with him. She glanced down, finding herself face to face with a pair of molten gold eyes, practically glowing in the sunlight in the attic window. It was so easy to forget how inhuman he was; things like that were a stark reminder.

Beetlejuice had a lazy grin on his face, a few sharp teeth peeking out from the corner of his mouth, content with watching the breather talk circles around him.

Not the breather. His breather.

As much as she tried to ignore him, or refuse his playful offers, he could see it in her face as she stared back at him. Who else would let him lie around like this? Who else would validate his need for constant attention without even realizing she was doing it? This was not a bestest best friend: he already had one of those.

This was a Holidae: and he only wanted one of those.

Before he could utter so much as a snarky quip, her hands grabbed the sides of his face, pulling him close, and she closed the gap between them with a kiss.

Writing Tags: @mr-geuse @paxenera @leiasolo77 @go-commander-kim @ashemspirit @asriells

#beetlejuice x oc #beetlejuice fanfiction #beetlejuice the musical #beetlejuice broadway #beetlejuice x self insert #writing time

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kweebtrash · 5 years

Text

Duality (M)

Messy Chapter 10

Pairing(s): OC X Johnny

Genre: College AU, Fuckboy AU, Smut, Angst

Summary: Fuckboys are basically good for one thing. You hit it and quit it- except when his voice draws you in, his body keeps you there, and dumb ass feelings linger making things particularly messy.

Warnings: alcohol, drugs, broken friendships/relationships, not really being into sex but continuing anyway, bunch of crying and sad feelings, little bit of violence, jealousy

Features: daddy/princess/bdsm dynamics, kinda primal/prey vibes (just a lil bit), oral, handjob, light restraints/blindfolds, use of a vibrator, fingering, finger sucking, rough sex, spanking, choking, squirting, over stretching, unprotected sex (i really have to make them behave more sorry), cumshot, subdrop/explanation of subdrops.

Word Count: 20.5k

A/N: ‘they’ and ‘she’ are used interchangeably on purpose. My laptop shut off in the middle of editing and i basically screamed so if there’s mistakes i’ll fix them later when I don’t want to die. Also, vine reference. Also, song Johnny sings is church by chase atlantic (Don’t @ me i’m seeing them in a week and I’m excited ok.) Also pt 3, i’ll add a better gif when I can find one. i haven’t gotten one that feels like it sets the mood right. also pt4, i hate this chapter and think its terrible. apparently 10 is my unlucky number because i always have a hard time with chapter 10s of my series. so fml ig.

Messy Masterlist Buy me a Ko-Fi Other Stories

I knocked on the apartment door, almost slamming my fist against it. I was trying to keep my cool but absolutely failing miserably. I rubbed at my cheeks, erasing the tears that were pooling on my waterline and falling in fast globs. He opened the door and welcomed me into his arms, squeezing me tight. He didn’t say anything for a moment, just pushed back my snow damped hair and kissed my forehead. Running to him first was a new experience for me yet he was the only person I had faith in at this moment. I was getting closer to wanting to evaporate into non existence and forget that I ever had a life.

“I can help you…” Taeyong whispered. “I know it’s fucked up but we can get through this.”

I knew he was trying to be reassuring but my mind couldn’t even grasp that concept. “I’m a mess, Tae. I really am. I have no idea how to fix this or how to fix anything. And now my closest friends- Johnny, Yuta, Ten- they all wanted these pictures and shared them? How could I ever trust them after that?”

"I told you Johnny wasn't that great. Yuta and Ten have been shits too. On top of that, Lucas shared a picture in the chat a while ago."

"L-Lucas?" My heart broke, absolutely shattered into minuscule shards. Above all else Lucas was my baby. I loved him so much, I cared for him, I made sure he was fed, I held him when he cried over being homesick. The feeling of betrayal was taking over and I grabbed onto Taeyong to try and ground myself any way possible. "Tae, I…"

"I know...come here." He helped pull off my coat and scarf and lead me to his room. Being in his arms and curled up in bed sounded so good right now. I wanted to forget everything, forget that I had to cut my friends off, forget that I had to try and piece everything together. We both slipped into his bed and snuggled under the covers. I rested my head on his chest, listening to the soft thrum of his heartbeat. "We can talk to them. They need to delete the pictures. If they see how hurt you are they'll do it no matter what. It was a game to them before."

"Do you really think that just talking to them is going to change their minds about having these pictures of me? I don't even know how many they have! My sessions with them last hours, there could be hundreds. I almost feel as if it's not worth it…"

"Don't say that." He kissed me gently and cupped my face. "Please don't. They need to know that this is wrong. I’m gonna be with you, Eri. You can trust me.”

I clutched onto his shirt and buried my face in his shoulder. "Why now, Tae? Why would you start caring about me now?"

"I told you, I never hated you. And I know that this is just more drama but it's different circumstances this time. I've always liked you. We hung out for a bit when we were working on that project but after that we fizzled out. I want to get back where we were."

"W-what do you mean?" Was he confessing to me? Did he actually like like me? It only made my head spin more. I couldn't even think straight or see what was right ahead of me.

"I mean…" He pushed me down gently, making me flush with the mattress. "I would much rather be able to protect you then have some giant idiot fuck things up."

"Y-yeah but I…" I couldn't possibly tell him that I was in love with Johnny since I felt that Johnny had betrayed me. I didn't want to talk to him at all, the hurt was too much to bear. Being here with Taeyong had me feeling confused and so vulnerable. I didn't know if I needed protecting. After all how could you protect someone from the outside dangers of rumor spreading and heartache? What would happen once those pictures were deleted? I couldn't get them back from everyone they had sent it too. It could be on a grander scale than their stupid group chat. My body could be spread throughout this entire campus and I would be none the wiser.

"He's no good for you Eri. None of them are. Just forget them. You have to start over now. They'll only hurt you more."

"I-it's not that easy, Tae. It hurts a-and-" He pressed his lips against mine then, catching me off guard. My hands clutched at his shoulders and I didn't know if I should push him away or pull him closer. I wasn't expecting him to kiss me nor was I expecting him to slide his hand under my shirt. "Tae, w-wai-"

"Shh, Eri. I'm here for you, ok?" He moved his other hand to hold mine, looking down at me with tender eyes that hid dangerous intentions. I averted my gaze and swallowed hard.

"I know, I know. And i-i'm grateful but it's just-" He kissed me again, keeping me quiet and in a vortex of weird emotions I couldn't quite figure out. There were times where I kissed him back and other times where i wanted to disappear. It was like I didn't have a grip on reality or who I was anymore. I was feeling him faster than I anticipated, reeling in a mix of limbs, kisses, and touches. All I could think about was the pain in my heart and the vile acid in my stomach that made me sick. Flashes of those pictures danced behind my eyelids every time I squeezed them shut, like a paralyzing demon choking my sanity and ripping it apart. Something so simple as a cell phone picture could ruin someone's entire being and leave them soulless.

"Hey…" I opened my eyes and looked up at Taeyong. He pushed his sweat drenched hair back and gave me a puzzled look. "You ok?"

I finally registered that I was naked and he was inside me and had been for quite some time. My mind had drifted that far out. "Wha-? Yeah, I’m, uh, I'm good."

He smiled at me. It was cute and seemed gentle so I let him continue. I held onto him, easily wrapping my arms around his small back and feeling him resume his thrusts. I thought about all the men before him who had been inside me; the smiles, laughs, and lustful feelings I had with each one. Those had all faded away. Now all that was left was Taeyong hoping that I would somehow fall into his arms and stay there. I could but it didn't feel like I would be staying true to myself. I valued him as a friend but what were friends anyway when they didn’t give a damn about you. He stayed on top of me for a while and it did actually feel nice to have a bit of security. He kissed my cheeks, lips, and the back of my knuckles. I almost felt like those kisses were full of hope- a fresh start like what he said. I just needed to let it go, let everything go.

But there was too much I was tethered to.

When he fell asleep beside me I snuck out of his bed, got dress, and left as quietly as I could. The drive home felt like I was on autopilot an when I got to the apartment I was surprised to see him there.

"Eri!" He bounded towards me scooping me up in his big arms and spinning me around as if he hadn't seen me in years. His smile was big, dopey, and full of excitement I didn't return. He noticed something was wrong instantly and set me down. I didn't want to start facing my new demons right away but I guess it was time. "What's wrong?" Lucas asked.

I looked over at Quinn who was coming out of the kitchen, hoping that they would be a pillar of support. They could tell something was wrong as well and came over to my side. "Eri, what happened?"

I looked up at Lucas and squared my shoulders. "How many pictures do you have of me?"

He raised his eyebrow and laughed. "Tons! I mean we always take selfies together! Why?"

I shook my head. "How many pictures do you have of us fucking? How many pictures did you take without me knowing?"

His smile faded and Quinn traded confused glares between us. "Wait, what's going on?"

"Yeah, what exactly are you talking about?" He asked.

"The group chat, Lucas. I know all about it. I know all about the pictures you, Yuta, and Ten shared and what Johnny asked for. So how many do you have?" I said through grit teeth.

"Lucas, you took pictures of Eri without their consent?" Quinn's anger was starting to appear and Lucas' massive body seemed to shrink before us.

"W-well...I...I mean. It was just- I just-"

"You just what, Lucas?!" Quinn yelled. "Show them to me right now!"

"I didn't mean anything by it, I swear!"

"Then why did you send them to this group chat?! Who else did you send them to?"

"I-i...I only sent it to the chat I swear! Taeil DM'd me so I sent it to him but they were the only people that saw it that I know of!"

"Tae-? Taeil too?!" I screeched. "Who the fuck is in this chat?!" I grabbed onto Lucas and shoved him towards the couch. Quinn made a quick rush for his phone that had been sitting on the coffee table.

"Unlock it, Lucas. Show us everything. And I mean everything." They said.

Lucas pressed his thumb to the home screen and went to the Facebook chat. "It hasn't been active much but you can see everything we've talked about." He said sadly.

Quinn scrolled through the messages and I read over their shoulder. We had scrolled all the way to the end of August, shuffling through stupid banter to get to the pictures and talks surrounding me. I collapsed into the single seat chair we had and closed my eyes. Now Taeil was roped into this which meant it was five people that I thought I could trust who dissolved our relationship into nothing.

"Wait," Quinn said. "Did Johnny not ever want to see these pics? It looks like he was trying to get them to stop."

I cracked open one eye and turned my head towards Quinn. Had they read something I skimmed over a little too much?

Lucas nodded. "Yeah, he never wanted the pics. He would always tell them to stop sending them and talking bad about you."

"Yeah, especially when you guys were keeping score of how many times you fucked Eri!" Quinn shoved at Lucas' head. "Have we taught you nothing?! We've done a lot for you! We've taken care of you and you're gonna treat them like that?!”

"I didn't think it was that bad! I still love you, Eri!"

I stood up slowly and took off my coat, leaving it behind in the chair. "Lucas, I just want you to know that I'm more heartbroken over you than anyone else. I've loved you for so long. You're like a brother to me. I held you and comforted you every time you missed your family and being back in China. I've taken care of you ever since Quinn bought you over. And now...you contributed to something that possibly spread to this entire campus. I don't think I'd ever forgive you."

"No! Eri! Please don't say that! I'm sorry! I haven't taken any other pictures since then!" He grabbed onto my arm but I shoved him away.

"Don't touch me!" I yanked my arm back and turned my attention to Quinn. "You handle him. I can't even look at him right now."

Quinn sighed and tossed Lucas' phone onto the table. "Yeah...I will."

I made a break for my room and shut the door tight behind me. I flopped onto my bed and wrapped my arms around myself. I wasn't leaving my room, I decided. Class and work could fuck off. I didn't care anymore. I pulled my blanket over myself and hid away from the world hoping that somehow when I woke up everything would magically have gone back to normal.

I woke up, later on, to the smell of menthols and musk. I thought I had somehow rolled around in my bed to hit the wall but I realized the wall was breathing. I cracked my eyes open, wincing a bit at the light coming from my desk lamp. It was dim but I had spent so much time burrowed under the covers I needed time for my eyes to readjust. He was beside me, eyes closed, with his arms curled to his chest. How the hell did he get in here? Why was he here?

"Johnny?" I croaked.

His eyes shot open instantly as if he hadn't been asleep at all. "Hey, babe." He gave me a small smile. "How are you feeling?"

"What in the fuck are you doing here?" I didn't mean it to sound harsh but I was still tired and pissed that I hadn't fucking died in my sleep.

"Quinn texted me about all the...stuff."

"Mhm." I grunted and turned away from him. "You were ever gonna tell me?"

"At first I didn't care enough about you to. Then the stuff happened with me and you know who so I wasn't in the chat as often. Then the stuff happened with your family and now...it’s blown up. I wanted to, I did, but there was so much other stuff that got in the way. But I guess we have to face it now. I'm sorry, you know that right?"

"Yeah, everyone's sorry. Of course everyone is sorry now that they got caught. No one was sorry when I was tied up and helpless. No one was sorry when I had a gag in my mouth thinking I was having a good time. No one was sorry when they realized they didn't give a damn about me. No one was sorry before but they sure as hell are now, aren't they?"

"Eri," he snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. "It's not exact-" He was silent for a moment. "Where did you get these hickies from?"

"What?" I turned my head towards him, confused and annoyed that he would bring something up like that now.

He tugged at the neckline of my shirt and pulled it back. "These are new."

I shrugged him off me and curled up. "I didn't even notice to be honest."

His tongue clicked against his cheek. "Who was it?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I want to know." He stated flatly.

"And? It’s none of your business."

"Eri, fucking tell me."

I sat up and glared right at him. "It was Taeyong. He told me about the pictures and he showed me screenshots of the group chat. He showed me a part of the chat where you asked the others how many pictures they had of me."

He scoffed and slammed his hand onto the mattress. "Taeyong! Of fucking course! Who else would it fucking be."

"I don't have time to deal with your pissing contest and jealousy Johnny. I really fucking don't."

"This isn't about jealousy! Don't you see what he's fucking doing?! He has some goddamn personal vendetta against me and he wants you!"

"What vendetta would he have against you?! And he doesn't want me like that, were just friends. I trust him. He's the only one who didn't fucking lie to me."

"I didn't lie to you!" He shouted. "I never did anything or asked for your photos. The ones you sent me are the only ones I have and they're password protected on my fucking phone. He took something that I said out of context and you actually doubted me?!"

"I don't know what to think anymore Johnny!! I'm losing my mind! I have to talk with all my friends about how they destroyed my feelings for them and completely disrespected me, I have to deal with these pictures, on top of my dead grandpa, on top of my family not being here for the holidays, on top of wanted to fucking off myself every three goddamn minutes! I didn't-" I huffed in frustration. "I didn't even really know when he was inside me. It was just kind of a blur. Everything's a blur…"

Johnny gripped my hand so tight I thought my bones we're going to crumble. "You didn't know what?"

"I just didn't know. It just sort of happened. It was kinda like I was going in and out. I was sad, then I was ok, sometimes I felt something and other times I just laid there. I-i don't know."

"Eri...did he hurt you?"

"No, it wasn't...it wasn't exactly like that. It was weird. I was weird. It's just...forget about it." I said defeated.

"Look at me." He forced my head up and gripped my chin tight. "Tell me if he hurt you! Tell me right now!"

"No, he…it wasn't...it's not like that. He's not like that. I know him."

"Do you?! Do you really think that he wouldn't hurt you or hurt me to get to you?!"

"Stop yelling at me!" I shoved his hands away and smacked his chest. "Just don't touch me! Don't kiss me! Don't do anything thing! Delete all those pictures you have of me saved! Delete them!"

He removed his phone from his pants pocket and tossed it in my lap. "Do it yourself since you don't trust me."

"I do trust you! I trust you too much! I trust everyone too much! I give everyone everything and all they do is fucking take from me!" Tears splattered on the phone screen and I tried to wipe them away but my hands were shaking too much. "When is it going to end? When is it all going to end?" I whispered.

He sighed and faced me, his legs crossed. He held out his pinky and I looked up at him, hiccuping through my tears. I linked us together and held on tight, wanting to feel grounded and loved and sane. He never gave me those things but I just needed someone. Anyone.

"Eriannalisse…" I knew he wasn't saying my birth name to spite me but rather to be entirely serious. "You helped me when I thought I was worthless and an empty void. I know you're feeling exactly that and I'm going to repay the favor. You're my friend, you may be one of my best friends. I've never cared about anyone this much other than Jae and my mom. I need you to know that what's happening, right here, right now, I'm going to make it end for you. I'm gonna make damn sure you're not suffering, ok?"

I sniffled and leaned into him, setting my head on his shoulder. "How can you be so sure? How can you promise that?"

"Because...I bet my whole fucking life on it."

Johnny's POV

He had a confused look on his face as soon as he saw me outside his dorm room. "Johnny," he purred. "What brings you here?"

"Can I come inside?"

"I love it when people come inside." I rolled my eyes at his double entendre but stepped into his room, taking off my coat and setting it on his desk chair. I rolled up my sleeves and crossed my arms over my chest.

"I need you." I said flatly.

Ten's eyes widened and I could see his face flush. "E-excuse me?"

"I need you, Ten. I need you to do something for me." I stepped closer to him, making him inch backwards until he fell back onto his bed. I crawled on top of him, grabbing his face and keeping us inches apart. "Will you do it?"

"I'll do anything for you, Johnny. You know I will."

He tried to crane his neck to kiss me but I snapped my head back. "Where's your phone? How about we take with some pictures?"

"Anyway you want me, baby. Of course." He said eagerly.

"Hmm," I hummed. "You love taking naughty little pictures don't you? My little slut."

"Yes! Yes! I do. Fuck, I never thought this day would come."

"Me either, sweetheart." I gripped his chin tighter. "Give me your phone."

His body shuddered at my command and he stretched his hand out to reach for it beside his pillow. I took it graciously and pressed my knee between his legs hard. "Now we're going to play a game. Wanna know what it is?"

He nodded like an excited puppy. "Yes please!"

"It's called," I lowered myself back to his face, gripping a fistful of his hair tightly. "You ever, and I mean ever,fucking take pictures of my girlfriend again, I’ll kill you!" I growled.

"Ahh, Johnny! Fuck that hurts! What girlfriend?!"

"You know exactly who I'm talking about. Eri! You took pictures without their consent and blasted it all over the chat! Who else did you send them too?"

"N-no one! When did you become official?!"

"DON'T LIE TO ME! I swear to God you better not lie to me, Ten."

"I-im not! I swear!! It was mostly with Yuta! He has them too!" He squeaked.

"I know he does. Trust me, he'll get his next. But right now I'm two seconds away from crushing your dick and I wouldn't fucking feel bad at all. Are they only on your phone?"

"Y-yes! Let go of me!"

I yanked his hair again. "They're not on a cloud?"

"No! I swear! My own pictures are in there. I don't use my cloud storage! Johnny!"

I forced him to unlock his screen and opened up the gallery. I had to scroll through a thousand photos but I found the chunk of Eri and deleted them at once before chucking the phone at his chest. "Find any that I missed."

I let his hair go and waited for him to delete any others. "Why the f-fuck are you acting like this?!" He sniffled.

"Why am I acting like this? Because you pissed me off, Ten! Eri has been through fucking hell and back. They're on the verge of fucking killing themselves and now this shit surfaces?! You don't mess with them ever. Not for any kink shit, or hanging out, nothing. Do you understand me?."

"What's going on with them?"

"Don't pretend like you fucking care!" I hissed. "If you cared enough you wouldn't have spread this shit. They trusted you during those kink times. You're their controller person! Aren't you supposed to treat the bottom person with respect?!" He averted my gaze and stayed quiet. I knew it clicked in his head then. "I know a lot about non consent and I'm the worst person to bring that shit to." I grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him to my face. "Say you won't go near them."

"Are you going to beat me up or something?"

"No, much worse. I'll find a way to bring you down if you cross me again. I just needed to get through to you and I know a little pain goes a long way. Now say it."

"I-i won't go near them…"

"Speak up!"

"I said I won't go near them!" He shouted.

"Glad we're on the same page then." I let him go completely and grabbed my coat. "Where's your shitty roommate?"

Ten shrugged. "Don't know really. I haven't seen him all day."

"Ten." I said sternly.

"I mean it, asshole!" He threw his phone at me and I narrowly dodged it. "I hate you."

"The feelings mutual. If you see him, tell him Eri’s boyfriend is looking for him.”

Eri's POV

It was hard facing Yuta. I had managed to catch him as he was coming home from studying at the library and hanging with Taeil. He was all smiles at first, until he saw the look on my face. Though I tried to sleep more, I was starting to get anxiety every time I closed my eyes and nothing would make it go away. Johnny had been gone for awhile and said he would return after work but that was hours ago. That left me to face Yuta alone. We went into his room and he sat down on his bed, patting the space beside me. I followed and kept my head low, trying to take deep breaths.

"We need to talk." I began.

"Why? What's going on?"

"I...I found out something about you that I never would have expected."

"Oh? If it's something sexual I don't think you should be surprised." He chuckled a little then almost instantly shut up.

"No, it's... Taeyong told me about something you did."

"Taeyong? What the hell does he want? Another plot to get to you or some shit?"

"He told me about the pictures."

Color drained from Yuta's face and he quickly turned his head away from me. "P-pictures?"

"Don't try to lie now. I know about the pictures you took of me during our scenes, when I was tied up, when I was gagged, when I was blindfolded, when I had toys inside me. How could you do this to me? You're literally one of my good friends and you go and betray my trust? My privacy?!"

"Eri, it was- it wasn't-!"

"I said don't lie to me!" I grabbed my phone and pulled up Taeyong and I's past conversation. "I have screenshots. I have the pictures you sent into this group chat. For you to laugh at? Or jack off to? Who else did you send them to?!"

"It wasn't anyone specific! I mean Ten had seen them and I sent some to Taeil. Most of it went into the group chat so the guys saw it."

"Did you post any online?"

"Ah...only some cropped ones. Just focusing on the rope work mostly. Nothing identifying are on those."

“You will take them down immediately.” I commanded.

“It’s for my portfolio! Those pictures are just of the rope!”

“I. Dont. Fucking. Care. You can take new pictures for your stupid fucking portfolio with people that actually give you consent! I need them deleted!” I could see the hesitation in his eyes and it only made me angrier. “You and I were good friends! We’ve known each other since sophomore year! You made my body do amazing things and every time we kissed I...something sparked! We always laughed over anime and went to the bookstore, got boba, and hung out and this is how you repay me?!” I shoved at his shoulders weakly. We had built a relationship that was supposed to be stronger than most and yet it had crumbled away in the blink of an eye. I couldn't help the tears that ran down my face. They were almost painful with how hot and full of anger they were. I hated that I was crying. I was pissed off more than anything.

"I…" Yuta tried to find the words and I waited eagerly for some sort of explanation.

"Tell me! Tell me why you thought this was ok!"

"I wasn't thinking!" He shouted.

"Of course you weren't! You have no remorse for ruining my life!"

"It wasn't like that! I just sent it to the group chat! I didn't send it anywhere else! Only the people that you've fucked have seen them!"

"That's not the point, Yuta! Even if they've seen me naked a thousand times I didn't give consent to those photos! Why did you take them in the first place?!"

"You're gonna hate the reason." He said, his voice a little quieter.

"I already hate you. Make this worse. Go ahead."

"Please don't hate me, Eri. Please."

"No, you don't get a say in how I feel. Tell me why you did it!"

He pushed his hair back and rubbed at his eyes. "I just kept them to jack off too, ok? It's not a good reason. I told you, you would hate it."

"You're a fucking pig! You know that?!"

"Call me whatever you want. I deserve it."

"No, do not, and I mean do NOT, play the victim card!"

"I'm not! I told you I deserve it! I told you the truth about why I kept them and I sent them because i wanted to! I wanted the guys to see them! I wanted them to see how hot you looked and it turned them on! It was all for us to look at and use. I can't lie about something I did! I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry!”

“You’re only sorry you got caught! We can't be friends anymore, Yuta. I mean it.”

“Eri, please, just listen-” He tried to reach out to me and I jumped up from the bed, backing away from him.

“Don’t come near me. Delete those pictures and if you don’t I’ll find out about it and it’ll be even worse. I swear.”

“I love you, Eri….” He whispered.

“No you fucking don’t! Don’t say that now! Don’t ever say that to me! It’s all bullshit. I’m not your manic pixie dream girl to put on a fucking pedastal when it’s convenient for you and I sure as hell ain’t your rope bunny anymore. Fuck off, Yuta. Fuck off and fuck you!” I opened his door and stormed out, running to the elevator and slamming my thumb against the down button. I looked at my phone and sighed. I wished I could talk to Johnny now but I knew he was busy. I had to stick it out by myself. The doors opened finally and my eyes went wide when I saw Taeyong in the elevator.

“Eri! What are you doing here?” he asked.

I sniffled and let out an exasperated sigh. “Talking to Yuta about the fucking pictures and telling him to delete them. It was...a mess.”

“I was about to do the same thing actually. I told you i would help you.”

“I know...thank you.” I stood quiet and stepped into the elevator.

“Do you want to maybe...hang out for a bit? I doubt you want to be alone right now.” He offered. I really didn’t know if I wanted to be alone or not. “We could go to my place…”

“Taeyong...about last time. Um...when we, ya know.”

“Hm? What about it?” He looked at me curiously.

“I wasn’t really feeling like myself so it was a bit weird for me and in general I don't think I can hook up with you anymore.”

“Wait, what? What do you mean you felt weird and we can’t hook up?”

“It’s not really you. I just...it’s kind of hard for me to be with anyone else right now. With everything that’s going on it’s not feeling right anymore.” I sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“So because of some pictures you’re gonna stop hooking up with me?”

“It’s not just the pictures!” Why wasn’t he understanding? “It’s all these guys that i’ve fucked that I no longer trust because of it!”

“Oh, but you trust Johnny?” He snapped.

I threw up my hands in frustration. “Yes I trust Johnny because I’m in love with him!” I screamed. Taeyong took a step back at my sudden confession. It was the first time I had told someone while I was sober, someone who wasn’t family, someone who was in direct contact with Johnny and could tell him at the drop of a hat. The elevator doors opened then and I rushed out not wanting to stay within the confines of my confession. I ran until my lungs burned, not sure where to even go. I just wanted to run away from my feelings like I always did. I was struggling to catch my breath with the icy air shredding my insides. I set my hands on my knees and huffed thinking about how stupid I was to not have gone back to the student parking lot. I could have just driven home and gotten cozy but no. Here I was freezing my ass off after admitting that I was in love and yelling at my former friend that I hated him. Life sure was fucking grand.

I pulled my scarf tighter around my neck and looked around to see if I was by any of the bus stops that looped around campus. There was one up ahead and it was directly in front of the coffee shop Johnny worked at. Would I seem too needy by going inside? Even if it was for just a bit to warm up? Yeah, that was my excuse. I shuffled in, hugging myself to stop my shivering. The inside of the shop was warm and cozy which was a godsend in this winter weather. It wasn't as busy, most likely since Christmas was just around the corner and the on campus students were preparing for finals and heading back home. He was propped up on the counter talking to his coworker, smiling and laughing a bit and I wondered if maybe they were flirting. No Eri, don't be that kind of person.

I stepped closer to the counter, staying quiet and hoping he noticed me. It turned out that were talking about Game of Thrones which was a completely normal thing to talk about amongst friends. What wasn’t normal was her "You should come over sometime and we can watch it together." No Eri, you can't deck a random girl in the face.

"Well um...Eri!" Johnny's loud voice snapped me out of my evil thoughts and he jumped over the counter to come to my side. "Hey I'm going on break real quick!" He said to his coworker.

"But you already went on break!" She protested.

"Shhhh, were not busy just, fuck, give me like 10 minutes, ok?" She pouted and crossed her arms but he ignored her and pulled me over to the back table where we had sat months before. Yes Eri, you can feel a bit victorious over that. We slid into the booth on the same side and he set his arm on the back of the seat. "What happened? I told you I’d come over later."

"I talked to Yuta…" I began.

"Without me?Eri, you know I wanted to be there."

"I know but I just needed to get it over with. Then Taeyong showed up and-"

I noticed tension surrounding him and I set my hand on his chest. "Down, boy. We didn't do anything. I just came here."

"He's trying to screw you over, Eri. I fucking know it and-"

"I said down. I broke it off with him for good, ok? I don't want to be with anyone right now." I sighed.

"Wait...you don't want to be with me anymore?"

"No-no! I meant like I don't want to be with anyone else but you right now. We've just got this comfortable thing going on and it's like...uh...nice." I tried to recover as best as possible without sounding too desperate.

"Oh...cool." He leaned in for a kiss and i wrapped my arms around his neck, just needing him against me. He kissed my forehead and squeezed me tight, comforting me to the fullest.

"I don't want to linger in this negativity anymore." I confessed. "I want to do something more positive."

"Like what?"

"Well...my family isn't here and I always spend Christmas with them. Are you going to see your mom?"

He shook his head sadly. "Can't afford to right now, especially not with how much heavier the snow is getting. My tires treads are shit. It won't be safe to drive such a long distance again."

"Do you want to maybe come over instead of being alone? We could have our own little Christmas together. Maybe make it suck a little less."

"That sounds nice actually." He smiled. "Jae can't go back to Korea either so i can have him tag along. Will Quinn be there?"

I nodded. "They don't really see their family a lot. They're not talking."

"Well sweet. Then it'll be the four of us."

The four of us. I couldn't help but think about my Lucas. He had spent the past two Christmases with us and this was the first time he wouldn't be. I didn't want to see him just yet but god I cared about him so much that I needed to make sure he was okay. I needed to find someone who would look after him. Maybe Doyoung? I would have to see what his plans were and if he would agree to such a thing. I hated bothering him especially since my life had been consumed by so many disasters that I barely saw him. Now I would be asking him to do a huge favor for me. I was sure he was going to turn me down but it was worth a shot.

"What are you thinking about?" Johnny asked. I didn't want him to get riled up or have to explain my complicated feelings towards my best friends so instead I lied and told him I blanked out. That seemed to satisfy him and he cupped my face in his hand. "I should get going. We're gonna try to clean up a bit early so we can lock up on time. I'll be over at like 10, ok?"

I nodded. "I'd like that a lot. I'll see you."

He slid out of the booth and I followed suit, getting ready to plunge myself in the frozen tundra once again. "Hey, you want a hot chocolate before you go?" He asked.

I smiled and held him around his waist. "Absolutely."

I looked at the various foods I had cooking and sighed. I was trying too hard to make up for the fact that Johnny, Jae, Quinn, and I weren’t with our families. I was still thinking about Lucas, who was now with Doyoung who had graciously accepted my favor. I promised to save them a whole feast from what I cooked in exchange. Doyoung got a brief rundown of what had happened with the pictures though I dodged the bit about Lucas being involved. I didn’t want Doyoung to be malicious to him in his overprotective nature and instead told him we had a small falling out and that it was a bit awkward between us. It wasn’t entirely a lie and was enough to get Lucas under Doyoungs watchful eye. Maybe in a few weeks I would feel better about talking to him and would answer his 'i love you' texts.

I had piles of Tupperware filled with food for the both of them, serving as both a show of gratitude and to help me fulfill my destiny of turning into my damn grandmother. I wanted to make sure everyone ate, no one felt lonely, and I was okay slaving away to do so. It was almost comedic. I sighed and wiped my hands on my shorts before grabbing an oven mitt to check on the pork I had cooking. There was a knock on the door then and I shouted for Quinn to open it. They had been frantically doing some last minute cleaning and were zipping around like they had three energy drinks in their system. "I got it!" They called out and ran to the door.

I heard Jae and Johnny come in, loud and all laughs as usual. I ignored them for now and poked at the meat with a fork, testing it's tenderness. It had been cooking since I woke up at 6 am (again, another sign of me turning into my grandma) and I wanted to make sure it was perfect. I decided it needed just a little bit more time and then I could put the pies in. Even with everything I had made I wondered it it was enough and if everyone would like it. I felt a hand on my hip then and I stood up straight, turning to face Johnny. "Hey, baby." He said lowly before his eyes flickered to my hair. "What did you do?"

"What do you mean?"

He ran his fingers through my ponytail and pouted just a bit. "It's straight."

I shrugged. "I wanted to look nice I guess."

"I like the curls better." He cupped my face nonetheless and placed a few tender kisses against my lips. "Also what the hell are you making? Are you trying to feed an army?"

"Yeah well...about that…" I chuckled, nervously. "Once I started I couldn't stop so...now I have a lot. It's mostly american and carribean stuff. I wasn't sure if I should try to make anything Korean. I didn't want to make a fool out of myself."

"It all smells fucking good. I'm starving."

Jae came into the kitchen then, hauling a case of beer and a few bottles of light and dark liquor. "Eri, where should I put these? Is there room in the fridge?"

I nodded. "Should be. You can leave the liquor out if you want to start this off right."

"I'll settle for a beer right now."

"Toss me one too." Johnny said.

Jae opened the fridge and slid the arsenal inside before tossing a can to Johnny. They both popped open their cans and took a few gulps before Jae realized he was awkwardly standing with us. "Well...I'll leave you two to be sluts and what not." He left the kitchen then, going off to find Quinn who I believe disappeared into their room.

Johnny and I laughed but also fell into a little bit of awkwardness of our own. "So, how you holding up?" He dared to ask.

"What do you mean?"

He gestured vaguely at the food and the kitchen. "You know...you're not with your family. Your grandpa isn't here...all the shit with the photos…"

I diverted my eyes to the tiled floor. "I'm trying." I said softly. "If not easy. I didn't cry when I talked to my mom though so that was a big step for me. Her and Dani are still down there, probably will come back after New Year's. I guess I drowned myself in cooking because it's what I always used to watch my grandma do."

"Have you taken a break yet?"

"Nah, not really. Been up since 6 am."

He grabbed onto my hand and started to pull me away from the kitchen. "C'mon. You need to sit down."

"I can't! I have to finish the pies and-"

"Eri, a little break won't kill you. Come on."

I pouted and gave in to his demand, letting him drag me towards my room. He closed the door softly behind us and sat down on my bed, sipping at his beer again. I sat beside him, unsure of exactly what he wanted me to do "How long do I have to sit here?"

"Eri, please. Just...chill. you can never stay still." He set his beer down on the floor and sighed. "I don't want you to overwork yourself."

"It just helps to stop thinking...I don't want to think." I admitted. He leaned into me slowly, placing soft kisses against me. I set my hand on his waist, sighing softly as he cupped my neck. I don't know how long we got lost in each other but it felt like a security blanket wrapped around me. I smiled when we parted, keeping him close to me.

"Hey um...i, uh, got you something." He said suddenly.

"W-what? Like a Christmas gift?"

"Yeah, um…" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. My eyes went wide as I completely was unexpecting.

"Is that a jewelry box?!" I squeaked, clutching at my chest.

"Yeah…" He flipped open the lid and I stared at the bracelet that laid within it. "It's a constellation and the stone parts are like the stars or whatever, because, you know, you like all that astrology shit and the, um, stars. So…" He was stumbling over his words and I could see his ears flushing slightly.

"O-oh...oh wow." Was all I could say. I was too stunned. It was gorgeous; so simple yet so thoughtful. It looked like it cost way too much too. I was confused as to why he would go through so much to buy me something as amazing as this but I was forever grateful.

"You don't like it, do you?"

I shook my head quickly. "No! No! It's beautiful! Seriously, oh my god. C-can I wear it?"

"Oh! Yeah! Uh-" He pulled the bracelet out carefully but dropped the box in the process. The both of us bent down to pick it up and ended up knocking our heads together. "Ouch! Shit!"

I rubbed at the sore spot on my temple and as we both looked at each other we burst into laughter. We were truly a pair of klutzy idiots. He nodded towards the bracelet and I extended my wrist, letting him clasp it on. The cheesiest grin crossed my face as I stared at the glimmering tiny stones. I truly did love it. I wrapped my arms around him tight, practically crashing into him. "Thank you, Johnny. Seriously."

"It's nothing, baby. You deserve it."

I stayed in his arms for a bit until I came to a harsh realization. "Shit…" I muttered.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

I didn't want to look at him as I now felt like an utter fool. "I...I got you something too but it doesn't compare to how great this is."

"What? What could you have possibly gotten me?"

"I don't wanna show you now! It's wack!"

"No! Now you have to! Please! Let me see!" He pleaded.

I pouted but went over to my desk and grabbed the gift. I held out my fist and dropped it into his open palm. He stared at it for awhile. "Ohh...it's a rock."

I groaned and covered my face. "Well it's fluorite! And it's supposed to help with anxiety and calmness. So I wire wrapped it and made it into a necklace but now it's stupid and not great and just give it back to me!" I reached for it but he craned his body away, extending his long arm so I could reach. He pushed me away gently and put the necklace around him.

"Thank you." He kissed my forehead, then my lips, then my cheek. "I like it. Alot."

"You're just saying that. You can just throw it out."

"Never." He pulled me close to his chest and squeezed me tight. I sighed softly and wrapped my arms around him, stealing all his warmth. "I have another present for you "

"What?! No! Johnny, what the hell!? You shouldn't have!" I wanted to curl away from all the spoiling attention he was giving me.

"It's not like a gift- gift. But I do need something from you."

"Like what?" I said suddenly confused.

"Restraints."

It was almost as if time stopped and we stared at each other awkwardly as I couldn't think of anything to say. My mind was screaming but my body remained frozen. Restraints? As in...restraints in the bedroom? As in...kinky? As in...him wanting to tie me up? As in me panicking? Oh yes, okay, THOSE restraints. "Excuse me?" Was the best words my mouth could make.

Johnny rubbed at the back of his neck nervously. "Yeah, so, like, those ties or something simple. Do you have some?"

"U-uh, yeah but...what?"

"Just trust me ok?"

I was still stunned and confused but I slid off the bed and got on my knees to pull out the box that had my beginner equipment in it from under my bed. I blew the dust off the top and opened it up, not having paid attention to it in awhile. "U-uh...here, I guess." I set the box in his lap to rifle through.

He moved some things aside, pulling out silk ties and a blindfold. Then he took an interest in a small finger vibe I had, looking over the nubs in confusion. "What's this?" He flicked on the switch and almost tossed it into the air as the vibrations started. "Ohohohohoh! Shit!" He fumbled to shut it off and dumped it back in the box.

"It's a finger vibe. You just...put it on your finger and go to town. It's actually nice I just haven't used it in awhile." I blushed.

"Does it actually work?"

"Want me to show you?"

He bit his bottom lip and nodded. "Definitely." I set the box aside and started working open his pants when he stopped me. “Whoawhoawhoa! Not on me! On you!”

“I don't want to really do it on me. I think you would like it. Just give it a shot. Have you ever used a vibrator before?”

“NO! Why would I need to?! I’m a guy!”

I rolled my eyes. “And? Guys use vibators all the time. Stop being such a dumb boy.” I opened his pants and nudged them down a bit so I could get to his boxers. He was tense and watching my every move, his fists balled up tightly at his sides. I put the vibe on my finger and slipped him out, turning it on and running it over him gently.

“O-oohhh fuck!” He breathed out in a stutter. He swallowed hard and wiggled his hips, trying to squirm away. “W-why does it f-feel like that?!”

“Feel like what?” I moved my finger over his head, circling the nubs over the circumference. “Does it feel good?”

He hid behind his hand and i heard the smallest whimper come out. I almost squealed at how cute and shy his was being. It was absolutely adorable but i didn’t want to embarrass him even further. I decided to tease him just a bit more, flowing up and down his shaft that was just beginning to grow and all the way down to his balls. I spent minutes working my finger over him until I was able to grip him fully. I adjusted myself in bed, lowering my mouth and letting him past my lips all while keeping up my vibrating strokes. He was nothing but a flurry of curses and squirms but eventually his curses turned into moans and begs to God.

He set his hand on the back of my head rather gently but with enough pressure to keep me steady. I still was only able to get him half way down my throat but made sure to pleasure him in a multitude of ways. I popped off him for a moment to plaster kisses along the underside of his cock, following it with licks and firm pulsating grasps. While he was distracted by that I snuck the vibrator to that ever so sensitive and secretive spot behind his balls. He kicked his legs out, curling his toes and tensing. I couldn't help but giggle. "You okay?" I smirked.

All he could do was nod and edge himself back to my lips, a sign that he wanted me to torture my throat some more. I treated him to harsher sucks and pumps all while rubbing circles into him, letting the vibrations drive him crazy. He was letting out muffled moans beneath his hand and by the way he was throbbing against my tongue I knew that he was close. Pre cum had already coated my taste buds and I waited until the very last second to pull away. It didn't take long for thick spurts to fall against his chest and stomach, overflowing onto my hand and wrist. I backed my head away so I wouldn't get any on my face or hair but god that was the hardest he'd ever cum before. I stared at his now stained shirt in awe, noticing the way his torso shuttered at the overwhelming sensation. He tapped at my hand furiously and I realized that I had the vibe still on him just as another few ropes burst forth. I pulled my hands back completely, my eyes wide and staring in wonder. He finally moved his hand away from his mouth. "Jesus! Fuck! Christ! Shit!"

I jumped a little at his booming voice. "U-um...you good?"

He shoved off his plaid button up and carefully tossed off his cum covered shirt. "Off now!" At first I didn't know what he meant as he was now shoving off the rest of his clothes. It clicked when he grabbed at my shorts and pulled them down around my ankles quickly.

"J-johnny!" I squeaked and wiped my hand on the bed sheets before he grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head. His other hand fumbled for the silk ties and in a few haphazard knots I was trapped against my headboard. He set the blindfold over me, blocking out everything he was going to do. My heart thundered in my ears as the mystery of it all intensified. Could he really go again?

I felt his hands part my thighs then a heavy long pause. If he hadn't been touching me I would've thought he had left me stranded. But then I felt breath trickling over the beginnings of my wetness. I tensed almost every muscle in my body. The last time he attempted this he had to stop for the anxiety got to be too much. I didn't want him to feel that way again but I knew that talking about it also freaked him out. Without a better plan I silenced myself and felt the first lick. He seemed to be a bit more...eager than before. The licks were quick yet powerful enough to make me feel every electrifying sensation. His big tongue circled around my entrance, diving in ever so slightly before trailing back up. He took my clit between his lips adding gentle sucks and moans to it. I wondered if he would care for any encouragement instead of bombarding him with pleads of telling him that he didn’t have to. “Jo-johnny...keep doing that. It feels good.”

I couldn’t see his reaction but his sucks got just a touch rougher so he seemed to take the criticism well. His hands settled on my thighs, rubbing them slowly as he released my sensitive bundle of nerves and opted for alternating licks. I started relaxing, trying to give off an air of comfort and pleasure. He was trying his best and it made me warm with intense proud feelings. I squirmed my hips just a bit, trying to nudge him in the right direction once he had begun his licks. They were starting to get a little chaotic and I bit down on my lip preparing myself to guide him. “U-um...slow down. You don't have to go so fast.” I said softly.

He stopped quickly. “S-sorry.”

“No, it’s ok. You don't have to be perfect. I’ll help you out. Is that okay?”

“I feel stupid that I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Don't. I want you to make me cum like this.” I whimpered. “Will you do that for me?”

“F-fuck...u-um...yeah, sure, um…” His licks nudged against me definitely slower, unfortunately a little too slow.

“Think of a middle ground. Just like a medium speed.” He sighed in frustration and I could tell that he was getting pissed that he didn’t seem like the perfect fuckboy sexgod he presented himself as before he met me. But he tried again, getting the hang of the speed I wanted and grazing a particularly sensitive place around my inner lips. I arched a bit and let out a small whimper, squeezing my eyes shut behind the blindfold. “G-good!”

He hummed in understanding, keeping up the motions as I flexed my wrists against the ties. I could easily slip out of them as the knots weren’t that tight but I didn't let him know that. I kind of put together that he needed me to be restrained because of how much his assaulter forced him down but of course if that got him to be a little experimental with ties that was fine by me. He was starting to find that curling his tongue upwards was also a way to get me writhing more and worked those perfect licks into me. "T-that's good too." I sighed softly.

"Should I like...uh...use my fingers?"

"Yes!"

"Oh! Shit, ok ok." His tongue concentrated on the upper part of my sensitivity while he slipped a solitary finger into me. Slowly he moved his fingers in low strokes, curling every so often. He pulled my clit back between his lips just as his finger pushed against my walls just barely an inch inside me. My moan was louder than I expected and scared us both. "Uh, did I do something wrong?!"

"Noooooopppeeeee, nope, nope! Something right! Something right!"

"Oh fuck uh, what was it?! What did I do right?!"

"Just the way you w-eere sucking a-and- where you had your finger. Can you try and do it again? Please?"

"Y-yeah. Um. Shit, fuck." He was between my thighs again perfecting the suction to my nerves but not quite finding the magic spot he had before. I wiggled my hips trying to see if I could manage to help him hit it. Why the fuck was it easier with his dick than his fingers?! Or maybe the full feeling was what got me off instead. Now I was starting to get frustrated. "Eri quit moving or I'm gonna stop!" He whispered harshly.

"S-sorry! It was just that your finger is close! It wasn't that far in! It was just- FUCK!"

"Here?" He pressed into it again and I nodded furiously. "Heh, sweet." I nudged him with my foot, a sign to shut the fuck up and continue. He was learning to get to the right speed of his sucks, even alternating between a little bit fast and slow. He also found out that circling just the tip of his tongue around my clit was gaining him extremely loud mewls. My calves were tensing as my legs shook and I could feel him getting me just a bit closer to cumming. "Should I add another one?" He said after kissing my clit.

"Yes, god, yes." He pushed in a second finger, filling me up more. I arched just a bit and dipped my hips lower making his fingers thrust into me before coming back down to put the attention on that special spot. He seemed to be ok with me rocking my hips and worked to have his fingers meet me as his tongue added cute licks here and there. “A-almost…" I panted.

His free hand was on my hip again, pressing into the dip of my hip bone, adding more and more pressure with all his other motions until I gasped loudly, my walls tense and pulsing around him as my clit throbbed with little shocks of orgasmic bliss. He slowed his fingers until my breathing steadied and he pulled out completely. I felt him crawl up the bed and release my hands and the blindfold. I blinked a few times, readjusting to the light, and saw him hovering above me with a smile on his face. “Was it ok?” He asked, wiping the mess I left on his face away with the back of his hand.

“Yeah! Bro, you did it! Holy shit! You did the thing!”

“I did the thing!” He chuckled.

I held up my hand and we high fived each other before I wrapped my arms around him tight. “I’m so proud of you, Johnny.”

“Thanks...you know what the best part is?”

I pulled away and looked at him, loving how he was absolutely glowing. “What, baby?”

“I liked it.” He smirked.

“Ooohhhh, you saucy boy. If you want to practice some more then you know i’m definitely okay with being your test subject.”

He flopped down onto the bed and pushed his hair back. “Hah, of course. I know you would. I wouldn’t do it with anyone else.”

I laid down beside him and gave him a chaste kiss. “Thank you...it means a lot.”

He snaked his arm around my waist and kept me close, not letting me leave just one gentle kiss behind. Instead we were back at our usual heavy makeout session, unable to get enough of each other.

Suddenly there was a banging at my bedroom door. “HEY!” Quinn yelled. “Are you gonna stop fucking and check the food? I don't want it to burn! And i’m hungry!”

Johnny and I sighed and laid on our backs staring up at the ceiling. “Fucking christ...YEAH IM COMING!”

“I KNOW! I HEARD YOU! WHAT ABOUT THE FOOD?!”

Johnny facepalmed and sighed. “Why are they this dumb?”

“Sssshhh,” I hissed. “Listen they may be dumb but they make up for it in being cute. Kinda like you. QUINN, I MEANT I’M COMING TO FINISH THE FOOD!”

“Hey! I’m not dumb!” He nudged me and I slapped at his hand before getting up from the bed.

“Just stay here,” I pulled on my clothes and fixed my ponytail. “I’ll clean up and then come get you when the food’s done, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s fine. I’mma have a smoke, that cool?”

I waved at him, mostly ignoring him and heading out to the bathroom so I could wash my hands and make myself not so sticky.

Stuffing our faces lead to taking a giant nap together on the couch. Somehow the four of us squished into the loveseats in completely uncomfortable positions on top of one another, sleeping off the abundance of food. I was the first to wake up to Johnny grumbling against my neck while his thumb rubbed against my thigh absentmindedly. My neck felt stiff and I pulled away to crack practically every bone in my body. I stretched and shook out the sleep, heading towards the kitchen to get busy putting the food away. I tried to be as quiet as possible but it was a bit difficult moving around pots and pans without making a sound. I was even tiptoeing through the kitchen and almost screamed when I felt arms wrap around my waist.

"Relax." Johnny said groggily. "It's just me." He squeezed me to his big body and kissed at my neck. "Why'd you leave? I like sleeping with you."

"It was starting to get too uncomfortable. The four of us don't fit on that couch. My neck is so stiff."

"Hm? Yeah?" His hands slid up my shoulders and towards my neck and he pressed his thumbs into my vertebrae, working through the knots slowly. I sighed and leaned into his touches, loving every minute of it. "We should go lay down in your bed."

"Ohh no. If we do that now you're going to trap me and either sleep forever or try and fuck me, two things of which I can't do right now. I have to finish putting away this stuff and washing all the dishes by myself." I rolled my eyes.

"Why by yourself?"

"Quinn doesn't like 'touching food' and I don't know, you guys are guests so…"

He grabbed a now empty pot and went over to the sink, turning on the water and dousing it with soap. "I got it. Don't sweat it."

"Well my hero, isn't that a turn on? All I need from you is to take your shirt off." I said playfully.

He smirked as he scrubbed away at the pan. "You want me to?"

I entertained the idea for a moment. "No. No. I don't want anything slutty going on. You stick to washing and I'll stick to being the maid."

"All you're missing is the outfit. You know the one where you bend over and I can see your-"

"Johnathan. Behave." I grabbed a stack of containers and opened the fridge, bending over to play Tetris on the middle and bottom shelves.

"Hmm, those shorts are close enough."

I shot up quickly, covering my butt. "Hush!"

He flicked some suds at me and stuck his tongue out. "not my fault you got a fat ass."

"It isn't even that big!" I gasped and he gave me a 'really?' look. "Listen. Don't start." He landed a wet slap to my ass and I playfully hit his shoulders, giggling a bit and trying to fight back against his suds. He ended up grabbing a hold on me again and covering me in aggressively playful kisses to my cheek.

“Can you two stop being gross and loud for a minute?” We looked up to see a pissed off Jae rubbing his eyes and yawning. “You woke me up.”

“My bad, man. We’re just cleaning up.” Johnny tried hiding his laughter.

Jae rolled his eyes and shuffled to the fridge to get a beer, cracking it open almost instantly. “We gonna party or what? I don't need sad reminders of not being with my family now.”

“Drinking to forget is my specialty, especially drinking to forget family. Pop off, my friend. Where did the liquor go?"

"I out it in the cabinet because you had all this shit on the counter." Jae said. I opened the cabinet and stared up at the whiskey and burbon Jae had put on the top shelf wondering why the absolute fuck he decided that it was a good idea to put it out of reach. I glared at the bottles as if i could make them float down to me.

“Why are you just staring at it?” Jae asked.

Johnny dried off his hands and grabbed the bottles. “Don't you know, Jae, little short demons are always angry at things they cant reach.”

“Oh shut up and get the shot glasses while you're at it too. I’m going to wake up Quinn.” I rolled my eyes and went over to the couch, shaking Quinn gently. “Hey, you up? The guys want to start drinking. I might turn on some music too.”

They rolled over and stretched their limbs, looking up at me. “Oh boy. How long did we sleep for?"

"Few hours? They're gonna bring the liquor over."

They sat up and grabbed onto me, burying their face in my chest. "I just want to cuddle."

I smiled and kissed their temple. "We can cuddle." Johnny plopped down next to me then, setting the bottles and shot glasses on the coffee table. Jae sat on the opposite side, setting up his pipe, blunts, and grinder. Quinn left me the instant he got to work grinding and packing a bowl. So much for cuddling. Johnny leaned over me, squishing me to the back of the couch to reach for a joint. I pouted and got up from the couch, moving away from the three potheads to connect my phone to the Spotify app on my PlayStation. I put on music that was mostly normal so I wouldn't hear any complaints about heavy riffs and screaming and opened the whiskey to pour myself a shot as clouds of smoke wafted around me.

Johnny nudged me, grunting at me to pour him a shot while he reclined back in the seat and puffed away. I laughed and left him there, going to the kitchen to see if I had any Fireball left. "Thanks!" He called to me sarcastically.

"I'm sure you can figure out how your hands work, Johnathan!" I checked some of my lower cabinets and almost kissed the bottle when I saw that I had managed to stash it away at some point in time. It had just enough for a few shots of my Three Amigos and I was ready to lose myself in cozy brown liquor that altered my reality into something I loved. I set myself down in front of the coffee table, laying out my three shot glasses and pouring my drug of choice into them.

"What are you doing?" Johnny asked.

"Partying, duh." I gulped down all three is a matter of seconds and just in time to hear Jaehyun start belting out some Bruno Mars as it come on in my playlist.

Johnny took one look at Jae then back at me. "I love him and he has the voice of an angel but when Bruno comes on he won't stop. I'll have what you're having please."

"Well since you asked so nicely, I guess I'll do it this time." I poured him his shots, urging him to drink them quickly so I could have another round. He took them down much slower, probably just to spite me. He licked his lips and patted his lap, beckoning me to take my place on top of him. "Why should I?"

He pointed at the screen of the tv and we both smirked, knowing exactly what kind of atmosphere the new song created. I poured one last quick shot before going over to straddle his lap. He took a long drag before tilting his head back to exhale. I set my hands on his chest and hummed along to the lyrics before landing soft kisses to his neck. His hand settled on his favorite spot of my ass and groped me hard. "And I'll keep leading you on if you keep leading me into your room." He whispered the lyrics into my ear. I nipped at his neck annoyed at how accurate they were when it came to him. All he did was chuckle and coax his hand up my sides to wrap around my breast. He took another drag and instead exhaled the smoke over my neck and down to the valley between my breasts. I don't know why but the almost impossible to feel smoke wafting over my skin made my body shudder and bend to whatever will he wanted me to. I ground my hips into him then, enticing him to roll against me and create a hellfire friction between us. “Baptise in your thighs till it hurts.” He whispered again, purposefully enticing me with promises of his new found interest in having my cum smeared across his lips.

I felt a slap on my ass then and went to yell at Johnny but we both realized it had come from Quinn. “Hey!” I said.

“Why are you two always wanting to fuck on the couch?!”

“We’re not fucking on the couch! It’s just a song that we like together. “

“Uh-huh, y'all are tryin’ to get freaky.”

“Please don’t. I already saw your tits once.” Jae added as reached for my phone to flip through the rest of my playlist, annoying me as he changed the song.

“Jae.” Johnny said sternly, hating the reminder of when Quinn and Jae had caught us.

“What? I mean they’re nice just not the ones I want to see.”

I covered my chest, blushing a little at his semi compliment. Quinn interjected before I could say anything else though. “Well I want to see them!”

“Quinn you see them all the time.” I chuckled. “They’re not special.”

“They are to me. Gimme!” They extended their small hands and made grabbing motions like a child.

“Cut it out.” Johnny growled. “You don’t need to touch them, that’s what you have Jae for. Go touch him.”

"Wait, what am I doing?" Jae asked as he exhaled a large cloud of smoke.

"Touch your girlfriend so she can get off mi-" He cleared his throat. "Get off of Eri I mean."

I rolled my eyes almost believing I could see the back of my skull. "Guys, seriously. Cut it out. I just want to have fun and drink without you two arguing, please."

"The more you drink, the faster the clothes come off." Quinn giggled before she crashed her lips against mine.

I could feel Johnny shift in the seat, ready to launch himself at any moment. His hand was on my hip, trying to pull me back but I felt Jae slap him away, whispering harshly about letting us continue. I was tired of their little battle and decided to keep myself flush against Quinn, feeling the softness of their lips and bitter taste of smoke on her tongue. Their hands immediately disappeared beneath my tank top, caressing over my chest, like they had wanted to, and pinching lightly at my nipple. I let out a soft moan and edged my ass against Johnny, hoping that he would take the queue and not be so hellbent on jealousy and being a stick in the mud. Jaehyun certainly was ready to join as he worked bites and kisses across Quinn's neck.

"Eri." I heard Johnny say sternly. I reached back for his hand and placed it between my thighs which he immediately rejected. I parted from Quinn to catch a moment's breath and looked back at him.

"C'mere." I pleaded and he narrowed his eyes in disapproval. “Don’t be so pouty. It’s christmas. We’re supposed to have fun together. Mistletoes and all that shit.”

“I’m literally right here and you’re doing this?” He huffed.

‘Baby, it’s no big deal. It’s just Quinn.” I closed my eyes and went back to resume my kiss with my best friend, colliding our lips in gentle waves and small licks. It did feel a bit strange though...Like I had never felt their lips before…

“What the heck?!” Quinn exclaimed.

I opened my eyes and realized that I had missed my trajectory entirely and had ended up kissing Jae instead. “Oh.” I said.

“Fuck.” Jae finished.

“ERI!!!” Johnny shouted which made me shrink back instantly.

“Ok, listen, I missed! My eyes were closed!! I thought Quinn was closer! Sorry! I didn’t mean too!” I covered my face in embarrassment.

“I’m going to kill all of you.” Johnny growled. “What the hell are y'all doing?!”

“I mean…” Jae shrugged. “We could always...have a foursome?” Now it was our turn to adjust our attention to Jae. “What?” He sounded so casual as if what he suggested was the most logical thing in the world.

“How much did you smoke?! I literally don’t share.” Johnny said flatly. “I never have and never will. Also, what the actual fuck?! You’re my friend!”

“Well i guess we could make it a threesome…” Quinn said softly.

“Jae’s not even attracted to me!” I threw up my hands in frustration.

He shrugged. “You’re not that bad, just not my type. But, like, we could still fuck.”

“Oh my god. This is a clusterfuck if I’ve ever seen one.” I shook my head and poured myself another shot, needing a bunch more alcohol for this sudden proposition.

“No. No threesomes. No nothing.” Johnny said.

“Dude, it wouldn’t be like...that bad. It’s not gay if our dicks don’t touch so there’s that.” Jae added.

I almost snorted mid shot and Quinn laughed. We took one look at each other and laughed even louder. “Two bros chillin’ in the hot tub five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay!”

“Well it would be true! Johnny and I don’t have to touch each other!” Jae protested.

“Oh, sorry my hand brushed against your hand, bro. No homo, bro!” Quinn said in a mocking deep voice. “Just gotta make sure my dick doesn’t do the same, bro!”

I laughed harder, clutching at my sides. “Jae, you’re literally so ridiculous! You think that-”

Suddenly I was yanked up from the couch and tossed over Johnny’s shoulder as if he was Tarzan and I was Jane. “Johnny, what the fuck!! Put me down!” I yelled but he ignored me. I banged my fists against his back, helpless against the death grip he had around my waist. He ignored my fighting and instead opened the door to my room. Once we were inside, it was slammed shut and I was tossed onto my bed. I landed harshly and pouted at him. "Where do you get off handling me like that?!"

"What the hell is your problem?" He growled in my face.

"What are you even talking about?"

"You literally make out with Quinn in front of me then kiss my best friend and now you want to have a foursome?!”

��The kiss was an accident! And Jae was the one who suggested it! I just thought...ya know...it might be fun...what’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is that you fucked Taeyong and now you’re throwing yourself at our friends. Fucking quit it Eri.”

“We’re not together! You said it yourself that you didn’t want me to be your girlfriend!”

“Why do you keep bringing that up!?” He yelled.

“Because it’s true! We’re single, Johnny. I can do whatever I want!” I protested.

“Oh like get drunk off your ass and start making out with everyone?”

“First of all, i’m not drunk. Second of all, you’re the one that got high and then became a jealous jerk! Why are you always jealous? Hmm? You act like you own me and can command me and I would do whatever you say? Do you actually even want me, Johnny? Or do you just want to make sure that no one else can have me, like im some fucking piece of property! Is that it?”

“Do I want you?” He scoffed. “Do I fucking want you?” He grabbed onto my shoulder and shoved me face down on my bed, landing a hard thwack against my ass. Did he just...Did he just spank me?

“Johnny! What the hell!?” I questioned. He had never ever done that before. One, two, three, four more blows hit without a single word from him. I could already feel the print his hand left behind on my burning skin. I looked back and could see truly how pissed off he was. His eyes were blackened and I was unable to figure out exactly what was going on in that feral mind of his. All I knew was that he yanked my shorts up to expose more of my ass and decorated the other cheek with the same aggressive touch. I clutched at my bedsheets, letting out strained groans of pain. My teeth sunk into the edge of my mattress as my feet kicked into the air. He kept me firmly bent over the edge of my bed so he could stay within the pace of his relentless attacks. He didn't stop until my ass felt completely raw and as hot as the sun.

I was a whimpering mess then, a few tears had threatened to crawl down my cheeks but most of all I could feel the sticky drenched feeling in my panties. Him taking control and spanking me had me hornier than ever, coupled with the fact that he still had me pissed off meant my body was in a lustful overdrive. All the while I was still fucking confused as to why he was acting like this every time I seemed to give attention to someone else. It was fucking annoying but lord was I too stupid to want him to stop. He yanked my shorts away from my body and pressed himself against my back. "Do you want to fucking piss me off again, Eri?"

I swallowed hard. "Of course I do. If a little jealousy is all it takes to get you to act like you want me then I'll fuck anyone in front of you just to get you mad." None of that was particularly true but the growl he let out had my entire being vibrating with excitement.

"You’re such a fucking brat I swear. Why the fuck do I call you princess when all you do is act like a little shit?" He lifted my hips with one hand while the other dove between my thighs, wasting no time plunging three long fingers inside me. "You're fucking wet from that? Dumbass."

I spread my legs further apart and tried raising my ass against him more. I needed his fingers deeper, stretching me until I was so full. "Fuc-fuck you. You say I'm all talk, you don't do anything but throw t-ta-tantrums!" I moaned as his knuckles curled against me, pushing past my entrance and making sure he was able to stroke my aching walls. I could feel the smoothness of the two rings he wore on his index and middle finger rubbing through his motions and I was almost drooling at the absolute perfect feeling. Give me more, please give me more!

"Tantrum?" His free hand gripped my hair and yanked my head to the side. "Like what you have when you don't get your way? You want to fuck everyone without consequences but when someone calls you out on it, you're suddenly the victim."

"Takes a slut to know a slut! You're not innocent either. You act like a dog, pissing everywhere to mark some territory that no one can cross!" I almost screamed when his teeth sunk into my neck. I felt as if he wanted to tear my jugular open and have my blood splatter against the wall and yet it made me reach between us and grab onto his wrist tight. My voice lowered to a pathetic whisper. "Don't stop, Johnny. Please don't stop."

"Funny how your tone changes when your getting stretched open. You're so needy, Eri."

"C-cum!" Was all I could beg. His fingers had always been pure magic. Tonight was no different and I found myself grinding harder into his palm. He wasn't giving me the satisfaction though. He ripped himself away, making my entrance clench around nothingness and my fist hit the bed in frustration. "Johnny!!"

I raised my ass and wiggled my hips trying to entice him to give me everything I wanted but he landed a slap to my hips before shoving them away. I flopped onto my side and looked up at him with doe eyes. He carelessly tossed his shirt and pushed my legs wide open, making me lay flat on my back. His hand gripped my neck instantly and I couldn't help the satisfied smile that crossed my lips. I was in full sub mode, alternating between a whiny brat and perfect princess that deserved the world. It was a side I hadn't exactly showed him yet but I guess the Christmas spirit meant I would be getting fucked out of my mind.

"How about I invite Taeyong in to see you like this, hmm? Does he know that you prefer to be choked and crushed beneath someone bigger than you? To be stretched out until you squirt? Or did you just settle for less?"

"S-shut up." I croaked. "You're not that great." My eyes rolled back a bit and I kept my legs wide hoping to get more from him. Instead he commanded me to open my mouth which I happily obliged to. The three fingers that had been inside of me were now down my throat, my inability to breathe intensifying. The rings clattered against my teeth while the tips of his fingers edged at the back of my throat. I was close to gagging but the pressure on my windpipe kept me grounded. I wanted to beg for more, for him to make me an absolute wreck but I could only rub my small hand up and down his forearm and try and sneak the other to my center. I tried to fill myself just to take some of the edge off but his voice made me jump.

"Eri, don't you dare!" I ripped my fingers away and kicked my feet letting him know that I was extremely frustrated. He pressed his fingers onto my tongue and smirked down at me. "I didn't say you could. Isn't this what you want? All that denial and punishment shit? Yeah...I think I'm starting to like this. Nothing's better then fucking you so hard that you forget about that scrawny shit starter."

Make me forget. God, please make me forget. As much as I wanted the torture on my lungs to continue it was starting too become too painful for me to handle. I tapped on his arm and he released his hands, allowing me to breathe. I gulped down air as fast as I could while he slid off the bed momentarily. My eyes stayed glued the hand that worked his belt open. The clanking and zip of fabric sliding against the belt loops rang in my ears as if I was hypnotized by the oddly eroticness of the simple motion. He plucked his button open and unzipped his jeans before shuffling them down his long legs. I propped myself on my elbows to admire the way he looked so perfect and golden even with the winter sun barely peeking through grey clouds.

I reached out for him, wanting to get on my knees so I could look up into his dark eyes. Instead, he was mounting me again, lips chasing mine and his big tongue filling up my mouth easily. I clung onto his shoulders and let him pull my tongue towards his, sucking harshly. My hips pushed towards the center of his boxer briefs and he still punished me with a hard slap to my outer thigh. It seemed like I was never going to get off at this pace. I hoped to all hell he didn't leave me hanging like Yuta or Ten had done in the past. With the way he was acting I didn't think I could handle it. When he jerked his head back to force our kiss to seperate, I begged him to touch me again. It was a pitiful chorus of "Please, Daddy, please" until he beckoned me to adjust myself to get closer to his cock.

He sat back against the wall and I eagerly shifted to crawl between his thighs and take him into my mouth. His fingers dug through my hair and kept my head in place. I had no idea why I craved to have him fill my mouth. It wasn't something I still particularly cared to do and it hurt the last time he tried to fuck my throat raw back at the hotel. But now it was all I could think about- his veins flowing over my taste buds, his precum dripping onto my tongue ever so slightly, the way the head of his cock teased the roof of my mouth. It drew me into even more desperation especially when he praised me with his sinful voice. That voice took me back to the beginnings of my curiosity about him every time. It shed open the desires that lingered since the summer party where we shared our first kiss. That kiss, so swift yet tantalizing; the way he wanted to discard me and play games made me want him even more.

I felt him add the slightest hint of pressure to the back of my skull, trying to get me to take more of him. That was still impossible for me and I tried to wiggle away from the touch. I pulled his hand away and popped off him, planting kisses up his stomach towards his lips. "Did I say you could stop?" He grunted.

I shook my head. "No, but it was too much. You're so big I can't take it." I was sure my statement would inflate his ego but i was trying anything that would coax him into letting me find my release.

"I'm not done with you. Don't stop until I say so."

He shoved me back down and I was forced to breathe through my nostrils. My hand wrapped around his base and shifted up and down his heated skin, hoping that would satisfy him. I raised my ass higher, knowing how much he loved it. His arm reached down my back and passed my ass to stuff his fingers back into me. I clenched immediately and fucked myself back onto them. My moan vibrated against him and he exhaled softly, cursing under his breath. I purred at the thought of pleasing him so well that he wanted to treat me a bit. He didn't move his hand much, preferring for me to do all the work but it was enough for me to feel surmounting pleasure. I slipped my mouth down to kiss and lick at his balls, rubbing the head of his cock and smearing his pre cum over it. I looked up at him as I switched to licking up the prominent vein.

He smirked. “You want it bad don’t you? You look different, acting different. What gives?”

“I just want you. Please.” I begged.

“Fuck, i like this side of you.” He hooked his hands under my arms and lifted me in one fell swoop, pressing me against the wall this time. He hiked my legs up so my knees could rest on his shoulders, quite literally folding me in half until at least I felt him plunge his hips against me. I couldn't help the way i screamed out curses as the hardness of him and the wall crushed my hips between them. One hand was pressed above me while the other had a death grip on my neck again. Each brutal thrust was accompanied by a rough grunt or growl which drove me to claw at his back and reach for a kiss. I was denied though he kept his lips hovering above mine, his breath tickling the tender skin.

"I wanna cum for you." I said pathetically.

"You can wait. Not in the mood to satisfy your whines."

God this asshole was fucking perfect right now. This was what I had always wanted; for him to crush me, to make me feel small, to mark me as his own, and I loved every single minute that jealousy bought out the animal in him. I squeezed my eyes shut as i could feel my hips bruising and almost splitting apart. My body trembled I tried with all my might to keep up with the position that was destined to destroy me. My heels dug between his shoulder blades as he slammed into the deepest part of me. The little shocks of pain flowed through my lower stomach and down my thighs making my endorphins zip through my brain like a pinball. I was going to that dangerously comforting place of wanting to drown in pain and pleasure, getting punished for all my wrongdoings, and feeling every mark and scar left behind by him. It was affecting him too, he was rougher, meaner, hotter, made for the punishment i was willing to take. The pressure on my neck intensified then lowered into a rhythmic dance, making sure that i wouldn’t lose consciousness but instead suffer through every second of my orgasm denial. His thumb caressed my cheek as he looked down at me, boldly. “What a pretty little mess you are.”

I tried to shove against off so my hips could breathe but his strength was too vast. My nails clawed helplessly at his shoulders but he gripped my wrists and slammed them to the wall. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

I swallowed hard as my chest heaved with hungry intakes of air. “M-mhm, y-you’re ruining me…” I panted. “I-it’s too much.”

“Yeah? Do you think Quinn would be gentler? Or do you still want to have that threesome? Maybe I should stop altogether?”

I shook my head violently. “N-no...just p-please-”

“Please what?”

“Let me down…” He smiled and gave me a soft kiss, easing me off the wall and settling me on the bed. I curled up and held onto my hips, feeling the tenderness already blistering in my muscles. Johnny kissed at them gently, much to my surprise. His touches were even softer as he tried to soothe me just a bit. I pet his hair back as he smiled up at me, adding another kiss to my stomach.

“You ok?” He whispered into my skin before laying down behind me. I grabbed onto his hand and squeezed our fingers together, nodding as my only response. “Good.” He gave me a kiss on the cheek and I smiled into his tenderness until i felt him putting his weight on me again and trapping me between him and the bed this time.

“D-daddy...:” I whimpered.

“You didn’t think I was done with you, did you, princess?” He set himself back on his knees, yanking me up with him. Within a moment’s breath he shoved his way back inside me then pulled my arms behind me, using it as leverage to have me fuck myself back against him. I squeezed my eyes shut and could barely make out any senses. It was overwhelming and violent and erotic in every sense of the words. My head was swimming in a vat of prey filled thoughts, dissolving into the perfect definition of his fuck toy. I kept my head pressed into the mattress as I felt my body starting to crumble. His knees were nudging mine apart, making sure that each time he dove within me I could feel the violation stretching me apart. He knew that the heated friction between us was wedging me deeper into submission but it wasn’t enough to take me over the edge. He lowered his chest flush against my back and pressed his lips to my ear.

“I want you to make a mess for me, just like last time.”

My cheeks flowered with embarrassment as I knew exactly what he meant. I shook my head and hid my face, trying to deny him as if he would actually listen to me. I attempted to even squeeze my thighs shut but he made sure that his much stronger legs prevented that. He let go off my arms which allowed me to reach out and try and steady myself on the small footboard. As he dug three fingers into me, my nails dug into the wood carving out representations of my screams. I could barely clamp around him with how full he made me and I was almost numb to the feeling. He was bombarding me with cocky statements, reminiscent of how much i used to hate him talking when we first met. I wanted him to shut the fuck up but as much as “Cum for Daddy” made me want to projectile vomit, just a teeeeeny part of me enjoyed it.

“If you want me to cum,” I said through grit teeth. “Then let me do it instead of just talking about it, asshole.”

He nudged his fingers in to the hilt, pressing his fingertips into me as his kept up with his thrusts. All I could do was bury my moans into the mattress and try to keep some stability by gripping the footboard. He curled his fingers deeper, forcing the head of his cock upwards when he thrusted. His free hand clamped over my mouth as I screamed beneath his palm at the jarring movement. That last push against my walls fulfilled his wish of seeing my resolve fade away and splash across my bed sheets. His fingers slipped out of me so he could wrap his arm around my waist, knowing that I would collapse instantly. He held me up and placed kisses across my shoulders and down my spine, whispering praises and calling me a good princess. My entire body flushed with fever at those two words. I was a good a princess. I leaned my head back and nuzzled my face into his neck, smiling like the lovestruck idiot that I was. He gave me a swift kiss before planting me on my back and working to chase his own high. I let my legs fall to the wayside as he pumped himself into me, kisses and bites raining down on every inch of skin he could get to.

I guided his face towards my own, crashing our lips together in a storm of passion. He burrowed his fingers in my hair, pulling my ponytail free and crushing me to him. I worked my hands down his back to grab his ass, keeping two firm handfuls to help push him deeper. It spurred him on further, crashing the head of his cock into my cervix as he was hell bent on destroying me. I pressed my lips tightly together, swallowing back every ounce of what I really wanted to scream into the world. His hand fumbled to grab the footboard and when he found his stability the sounds of our bodies collided sounded like thunderclaps in a rainstorm. Harsh. Fast. Angry. Passionate. It was all starting to meld as we flowed together, an ellipse of never ending chaos. I managed to sink my teeth into his shoulder as he squeezed out the last of his feral thrusts. He released himself at the very last possible second and i felt his warmth spread over my stomach and lower lips, a few ropes splashing onto my thighs. He slipped his cock through our mixed cum, riding up along my lips and rubbing the tip against my clit. I shuddered and tried to curl up away from him, thinking that he was trying to torture me some more, but all of his warmth disappeared in an instant. My mind was still all kinds of fuzzy, and my vision blurry, but I could see him pulling away from me and yanking my small trash can towards his face. The sound of vomit came next and I reached out to try and comfort him, at least it felt like I did. My body was so heavy and all i wanted was him near me; i wanted his warmth and love and now that was nearly impossible with him feeling sick. My world was still reeling a bit and i swore I called out to him. He just wiped his mouth and stood up, not looking at me as he left the room. I knew the rationale behind it and I knew that he wouldnt leave me like this for no reason but the current headspace i was in distorted my reality to make me feel like i was something useless and to be thrown away. At the end of the day, when the endorphins and adrenaline wore off, I was still a decaying mess.

Johnny’s POV

I was pretty sure all the weed, alcohol, food and heavy workout made my stomach a complete mess. Everything was fine until after I came and my body started to settle. I was all for covering Eri in kisses and making sure they were okay until the urge to blow chunks slammed into me. The first wave dumped into the trash can thankfully and i had a few moments in between to run to the bathroom to get rid of the rest. I felt like utter shit. Instead of laying down with Eri, i just put on some sweatpants and ignored their pleads for me to cuddle them. Vomiting that much made me feel not so hot and I wasn’t in the mood to be clung to. I was still sweaty and needed some space to breathe for a minute. I told them that I didn’t want to stay in bed and forced them to stay tucked in so they wouldn’t come after me. It wasn’t usual for them to be this clingy and I didn’t have the energy to deal with that right now. I left after their whining got to me and went to the couch. It felt a little better sleeping in the cooler living room though I still couldn’t really get a solid night’s sleep. Hours passed, with me waking up every so often and making a cup of coffee. Jae and Quinn were holed up in their room for most of the day but came out somewhere around mid afternoon. Things were pretty quiet and we started heating up some leftovers. Every so often I would look back at Eri’s bedroom door, expecting them to poke their head out at any moment but nothing. More time passed and once it hit almost evening I was starting to get a bit worried and decided to check on them. I crept into the room quietly and looked at the lump beneath the blankets. “Eri?” I shook them gently but got no reaction. “Eri?” I said a little louder. “You ok?”

Still nothing. If i didn’t see them breathing beneath the fabric I would’ve thought they were dead. I even tried enticing them with promises of leftovers but even that didn’t seem to shake them. I had no idea what else to do and wondered if Quinn knew if this was normal. I went over to my mostly annoying enemy, even though I was still irritated with her and Jae’s antics, and pulled her to Eri’s room. "I need your help!" She didn't have a moment to protest and we left Jae standing in the kitchen in utter confusion. I closed the door behind us tight.

"What the hell do you want? What did you do?" She growled.

"Look, I don't know but I've been up for hours and Eri has barely moved."

"Well…from the way the bed was slamming into the wall I can make a few gross assumptions. I don't really care to hear about what you've done with my best friend's vagina, thank you."

"It's not just that! They haven't moved or woken up for anything! It's like they're comatose."

"Johnny, if you hurt them again you're going to have to breathe through a straw for the rest of your life. What did you do?"

"I don't know!" I said, exasperated. "If I knew would you think I would voluntarily talk to a fucking gremlin like you?"

She narrowed her eyes and shoved me out of the way. "Yeah and I wouldn't have voluntarily talked to a stupid ogre." She went to Eri's side and moved their disheveled ponytail out of the way. "Are you some sort of fucking vampire?! What the hell are you doing leaving a hickey this big?! Did you want to rip their throat out?!"

"I was caught up in the moment, ok?! That's not the point right now. Why won't they move?"

"You know, I should just become a nurse at the rate you're literally causing destruction to Eri's mental and physical wellness."

"Quinn!"

She shook Eri gently and tried rolling them over but it was still no use. "Maybe they just need to drink some water? With all the food they ate the alcohol shouldn't have taken them out too much. They weren't drunk when you dragged them in here to fuck like a disgusting caveman. We were up late yesterday so maybe they're just tired still?"

"No, it doesn't feel like just tiredness to me. Something's up." I sighed. "I just don't know what. That's why I'm worried."

"Well they were fine before you decided to be gross so clearly it's something you did. What was out of the ordinary? Not that I really want to hear it but, go ahead."

"Wait...like tell you what we did?" I blinked at her in disbelief. "Like...in detail?"

"Spare me as much fucking detail. Give me the gist of it."

I cleared my throat and shuffled my weight on either foot. "I mean… um…I…" I lowered my voice a bit, struck with a tsunami of embarrassment. "S-spanking, choking, fingering, they sucked me off...uh then we you know like... put the thing in the thing…a lot."

Quinn ran her hand over her face and sighed deeply. "Put the thing in the thing...Jesus Christ. Ok, but anything special about it?"

"No it was like against the wall, doggy style, usual stuff."

"Was it like...extra kinky?" She cringed.

I shrugged. "I mean...to me it felt like it was. I don't know about Eri. You know they're more experienced at that stuff than I am. They probably thought it was like normal sex. Though at the end I got sick and they got really clingy?? That was a bit weird, I guess."

"Clingy? How clingy?"

"Like they wanted to hug and cuddle and wouldn't let me go. I was tired and sweaty and just finished puking so I just kinda...pushed them away and went to the living room to sleep."

"So let me get this straight, you spank, choke, and bite the shit out of my best friend then you cum and push them away when they wanted to cuddle?"

I winced. "You make it sound really worse than I wanted it to."

"WELL GEE JOHNNY, MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE IT IS! God, why are you such a fucking tool!? You were super gross and jealous the entirety of the party and now you've gone and made Eri feel like shit. That's probably why they don't want to be around you or wake up! If you were still next to me when I woke up after being that much of a dick I'd pretend to be in a coma too!"

"Oh don't give me that bullshit! I was sick, okay! I didn’t want to have them on top of me. I was sweating and-"

"You could’ve at least been a little bit more sensitive to the situation!”

"I came to you for help! Not for you to- SHIT!" I jumped back as I saw something whizz by in front of my face. It crashed against the wall and I realized it was a candle, the glass now shattered and chunks of wax between Quinn and I's feet. We both turned to look at Eri who looked like Satan himself had risen to wreak havoc on the earth.

"SHUT. UP." Was all they yelled before pulling the covers over their head and flopping back down onto the bed.

I stepped back slowly from the glass and beckoned Quinn to cross over. They tiptoed over the pieces and joined me. "Ok, so...yeah something might be off. They just got their meds changed so mayyyybeee that’s it? Though it’s still normal for them to be that violent. I mean, what else is new. But they’ve never thrown anything at me butttt interrupting their sleep is big bad..." She jumped up suddenly within her tirade of thoughts. "Oh!oh!oh! Maybe it's that thing!"

"Yes, because that's helpful." I rolled my eyes. "What thing?

"The um...ugh it's a kinky thing and I can't remember what it's called!"

"Their seething rage is a kink thing? It's not sexy! It's scary!"

"Noooo! Not the anger! The not feeling so good part. I know it's a thing I just can't remember. Ugh, we’re gonna have to ask Yuta or Ten." They said.

"I'm pretty sure Eri wouldn't want the two people that hurt them anywhere near them right now and neither would I. Besides, I think they're in Thailand for the holidays."

"Fuck. I don't want their help either but they're the only people beside Eri that know about kink stuff. If something happened that they can help with then we need them."

"Why do you keep saying it's like a kink thing. I don't get it??"

“I don’t know how to explain it! Eri told me about it once because it happened with them and Ten and it scared them. I'm gonna call Yuta real quick, see if he answers."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine, whatever. Go do that. I don't want to even hear him." Quinn exited the room and I went over to Eri tentatively. "Hey, how about we don't throw candles and instead talk like a human being."

"How about we don't act like assholes and desert people." They kept the blanket over their head and hunkered down even more.

"Desert? What are you talking about? I didn't desert you. Eri?" They stayed quiet leaving me even more confused. "Uh, can you talk to me??"

"I don't want to fucking talk. Leave me alone."

"Ok but like I kinda need to know why you think I deserted you??? Like what the fuck, dude."

"It's the droppy thing!" Quinn said, shoving the door open again. I whipped my head towards her, getting absolutely nowhere between the two of them. She beckoned me towards her and I left Eri to sulk or do whatever the fuck it was that they were doing. We shut the door softly and I could see a sleepy Yuta on Quinn's screen. "Can you explain it to Johnny?"

Yuta rubbed his eyes and yawned. "I fucking guess. I'll make it simple- chemicals in your brain get released like crazy, pain responders, adrenaline, stuff like that. When the whole thing is over those chemicals are worn out and you have to rebuild them in your system. Which means if something happens too fast, the body struggles to rebuild them on such a high demand. It can take up to a few hours, days, or weeks depending on the person." He yawned. "So anyway, you get physical symptoms like excessive tiredness, heightened pain, etcetera and you also get your emotions thrown out of whack, so more sad, depressed, angry, feeling unloved. All that. Can I sleep now?"

"No, no, no! What do I do? How do I fix it?!" I grabbed Quinn's phone, shaking it as if Yuta could feel my annoyance.

"Well, first of all, stop trying to be something you're not. You're not a Dom if you're not gonna learn about the shit surrounding it. Two, you literally have to take care of her. Act like the loving, sweet, caring, devoted boyfriend she deserves but will never have. Can I go to sleep now?" He repeated.

"Yeah, fine! Asshole!" I gave Quinn back her phone and crossed my arms over my chest angrily. What the fuck did he mean by that? I could be caring if I wanted to...I think I'm a decent guy… wait. Feeling unloved? Was that what Eri meant when they said I deserted them? I was vomiting! I'm sure that vomiting doesn't count as deserting someone!

"So, guess you have to clean up your mess." Quinn snipped.

"I just don't get how me being sick makes this my fault."

"Maybe it was more so of not being by their side when they wanted you to be. You said they were getting clingy?"

"Yeah, and I was sweating and gross and...this is why I don't do relationships. I don't do clingy." I said bitterly.

"Good thing you're not dating Eri either because I would hate for her to be with someone so heartless. Fix your fucking mess, Johnny."

"I don't even know what to do!"

"Figure it out then and fast."

I rolled my eyes and wanted to slam my head into the wall. Great. Just great. I tiptoed back into the room, hoping that another candle wouldn't come flying out. Eri was sitting up now, looking grumpier than ever. I cleared my throat and almost took a step back when their eyes snapped up to meet mine. "H-h-heyyy…..cutie.” I tried to sound as “loving” as possibly given my state of fear. “H-how ya feeling?”

They didn’t answer.

“You wanna uh ...cuddle? Or something?”

They still ignored me, instead opting to try and get out of bed. They gripped onto the headboard post for support and grunted through the process and I realized they were in more pain than I thought. I rushed over and held onto their waist. “Hey, babe, take it easy. You’re hurt?”

“Of course I’m hurt.” They said finally. “You have a vendetta against my cervix. My hips too, apparently.”

I looked at the deep brown bruises on the sides of their hips and winced. Good job, idiot. “I’m sorry. I thought it was really hot at the time and we were enjoying it and-”

“Just shut up. I’m going to shower.” They limped over to grab their towel from the hook on the back of the door but I stayed on their tail, making sure that they weren’t going to collapse.

“What if I make you a bubble bath? That might be better for your muscles. I can try and do that.”

They sighed and nodded after a moment’s pause. “Fine. That sounds good.”

“Ok...ok, cool. Come on.” I set my arm around them and guided them towards the bathroom, trying to sneak out without Quinn and Jae really noticing. I’m sure it failed but i had more important things on my mind. I sat Eri down on the toilet while I got to work on filling the tub and dumping in all the great things they had used for my bubble bath. When it was finally ready they retied their hair and I helped them sink down slowly into the sea of bubbles. I sat with my back against the tub, arms propped on my knees and completely silent as they soaked. It was tense and a bit awkward but if this helped them not feel like crap because of whatever head chemical thingies that were going on then I would wait.

“I’m sorry…”

I turned to face them, puzzled by their sudden apology. “For?”

“I should’ve told you about the subdrop thing. The, um,...you know the reason why I’m probably feeling crappy. It’s only happened like once before so I didn’t really register it. I just wanted to sleep all day.”

“Yeah, Quinn called Yuta to have him explain. They suspected that might have been it. Though I'm still not 100% sure was it actually is.”

“It’s really my fault. We aren’t really in that kind of relationship. We were just having a rough fuck you know? It really shouldn’t have hit me that hard. I’m also sorry I threw the candle.”

I leaned my head back and looked at them. “Definitely could have done without that, for sure.”

They set their arms on the edge of the tub and kissed me. “I know...my head’s still weird...Maybe we should cool it on the jealousy thing a bit?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not jealous.” I lied.

“Johnny...you have a problem with jealousy and I don’t really understand it. Why are you jealous of everyone else I’m with?”

“I’m not! It just pissed me off! It’s not jealousy when you’re literally mid makeout sesh and your gir- your like...makeout person or whatever decides to just kiss someone else and try and get wrapped in a foursome!”

“Then why did you mention Taeyong?”

“What?” I asked.

“Taeyong. When you were about to shove your fingers in my mouth. You said that you should get Taeyong to see me like that and that I settled for less with him.”

Oh. Right. “I don’t remember.” I averted my eyes and shrugged.

“Well you said that so...that’s why i’m saying cool it with the jealousy when there's nothing to be jealous of, you know?”

“Again, i’m not jealous. Maybe you should cool it with being an asshole and just dumping me to go mess around with someone else.”

I felt their arms around me then, droplets of water pressed between my back and their chest as they held onto me. “Ok, I’ll promise I’ll try. I know it wasn’t really right of me to go off with Josue and Quinn and I are always just messing around. You know they like Jae a lot. It’s just for fun but i’ll try and be a good princess for you.” They sighed. “No...wait. We shouldn’t actually do the daddy thing either if it’s just going to get us into more trouble than it’s worth.”

“Eri, you both know we like it, no matter how cringy it can get. It takes our fucking to the next level. So why don't you also stop thinking that I don’t want to learn anything and just teach me how to be your top controller person. We can do it on a basic level, no?”

“Dom, Johnny. Dom. Not top controller.” They giggled.

“What the fuck ever. That.” I took their hand and pressed it to my lips. “You know I didn’t mean to desert you or anything. I felt really sick after I came. I think all the movement and the food and drugs and shit just caught up to me and i puked a lot. I wasn’t feeling too great and got really hot and sweaty. It’s not that I didn’t want to be by you or be in bed with you, it was just that I physically couldn’t be. I felt like shit. Still kind of do. I haven't eaten much today either.”

“I know…" They sighed and nudged their chin to rest on my shoulder. “I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. Heard you puking before I started to fall asleep but I was already spacey. But I will say this…"

"What?" I reached my arm back to scratch at their head gently.

"Though I'm in pain and feel like shit, if you fuck me like that again, you better make me yours." Just as my cheeks flared up they grabbed a hold of my arms and tried to drag me into the tub.

"Ahh! Fuck! Eri!" I managed to get my ass up on the edge of the tub and kick off my sweats before crashing into the water with them. Water went splashing everywhere and they got dunked beneath me. I helped them up and they wiped the suds off their face, sending us both into a fit of laughter. "You're so dumb, I swear."

"You're even worse." They wrapped their limbs around me, keeping me flush against them. "Do you feel better?"

"I will once you do. I don't want you to feel like shit because of me."

"I'll get there." They said and gave me another kissed. "It just takes a bit to shake off. I'll be okay."

"You better. Asshole." I chuckled and cupped her face in my hand. "And you better eat when we get out."

They rolled their eyes and sighed. "Yes, daddy."

"Don't be such a shit, I mean it, ok?" I said sternly.

"I know. You can heat it up for me while I stay in bed all cozy under the blankets. And you can bring me something to drink to."

I glared at them. "Excuse me. What am I, your maid?"

"No, but you can be a nice daddy and do that for me. Since you want to learn so much."

I sighed and set my head on their chest, avoiding that shit eating grin. What the fuck did I get myself into?

We stayed in the tub for a bit, getting way too caught up in making out ad grinding though I should have been letting them rest. I really needed to stop thinking with my dick all the time and actually focus on being good for them. I managed to stop before they tried to ride me and distract me with possibly hours of more fucking. Somehow it was easier to get them to listen this time and i helped us both out the tub and got them wrapped in their towel. I had to clean up the mess and dry the tiles before anyone would slip on them. Our clothes got soaked with the splash which was another thing i had to tend to. “Hey, go to the room. I gotta clean this shit up before Quinn chews me out.”

They shuffled a bit anxiously and looked up at me with a puppy dog stare, their sudden soft center of duality most likely the leftover results from this drop thing. “I promise I’ll be back as soon as I’m done okay?” I kissed their forehead and curled my finger around a now springy curl of hair.

“Ok, ok. Just...hurry up.” they said softly.

I nodded and urged them out of the room, hoping that they would be able to sit still for a minute. I found a spare towel to wrap around my waist and unplugged the drain in the tub. I went out to the kitchen after, getting Quinn to find the mop for me so could start drying the floor. As I was passing by Eri’s room again, I heard them talking. I poked my head in and listened, realizing they were on the phone.

“No, no, no. You ca’t have New Years Resurrection with out a little Halloween fun! We have to do IT is the End! That’s my favorite and you know it.” They paused. “Ok, but what about Stabbing in the Dark? Ugh, Andre! Come on. Let me pick something! We already came to a consensus on Closer, Porn Star Dancing, I’m not Okay, and Party Hard for the finale. We only have a half hour set and we’re closing out the show. It has to be good!”

Wait, where they playing a show soon? Why didn’t they tell me anything?

“Ok, fine you pick two songs that you can lead on and I’ll do the two Ice Nine Kills song and then we’ll be gucci. Or maybe I’ll do some Motionless... THE POINT IS i will talk to you tomorrow at practice and then we’ll finalize everything. I’m not feeling so hot right now and I need to eat....no i’m not with my boyfriend...He is not my boyfriend, okay? Andre i swear to god.”

I stepped into the room, trying to be quiet but they noticed me instantly. “Anyway gotta go. Tell your mama to save me some cornbread. Okay bye.” They hung up quickly and tossed their phone onto the bed. “Hey.”

“Uh...hey. Who were you talking to ?” I asked.

“Oh, that...uh...Andre. Um...he’s in my band. Our band. It’s our band together.”

“You guys playing a show soon?”

Eri’s eyes went wide and they immediately dodged my attention. “A what? Oh noooo, heh, nope. Just...a...”

“What’s New Years Resurrection?”

“Nothing! It’s totally nothing!”

“Why are you being so secretive?” I stepped a bit closer to them, leaving the mop in the doorway.

“Me? I’m not being secretive! It’s nothing I swear!”

“Then why did it sound like you were trying to make a setlist for a show that you’re closing out, presumably on New Years Eve, hmm?? You know closing out a show is like a big deal, right?” I nudged their arm playfully. “So you mind telling me why you haven’t told me about this before?”

They pouted. “I’m not telling you anything. Now or never. There’s no show. So stop being so nosey okay?”

“Eri, is there a reason you don’t want me to go?”

“No one is going! Just hush!”

“Eriiiiiiiiii.” I taunted. “I’m going to your show.”

“NOOOOOOO! Johnny, you don’t understand! I never invite people to come see me!”

“Why not?”

“Because!” They squeaked. “I get way too nervous and embarrassed and I act totally different on stage than i do normally and i’ll just freak out the whole time, ok?!”

“I actually want to see you play. You know I do.” I set my arm around their shoulder and pulled them to my chest. “Besides, it cant be that bad, can it?”

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