#a terrible secret i couldn't share with anyone

[spoofymcgee]

on alec lightwood and queerness

Alec Lightwood is twelve the first time he stares into his sister’s eyes and feels his heart try to beat its way up out of his throat.

They’re drunk on the late hour, no parents home to supervise and Hodge called away on urgent business. There are rings of cocoa powder around the rims of the mugs to their left and Isabelle has a smear of it under one of her liquid, dark eyes. It mirrors the cut Alec had given her in training the other day.

His hands go numb in hers. It feels like every word out of her mouth drains the blood out of them, like her newly drawn Voyance rune is letting her cut into his soul with her gaze.

It feels like he spends an eternity with his breath locked up in his chest, her question reverberating around his skull.

In reality, it’s maybe a few seconds before he jerks away from her, standing and snarling down at her not to ask him that.

She recoils, shrinking in on herself, and he wants to take it back, to tell her that he’s not angry, that he didn’t mean to scare her.

Alec has never been brave enough, though.

This is a continuing trend through the years. Jace is the blazing sun barging in where he will and swanning out without a hair out of place, and Alec is satisfied being his shadow, putting his body between anything that might harm either him or Isabelle.

Of course, this means that no one gets close enough to protect them from Alec, but by the time he realizes that, life has taught him that love without pain doesn’t exist and he’s grown used to pricking the people he cares about with the bramble he’s grown around his heart.

It’s a double-edged sword, of course, and with every tight-lipped silence from Jace and poorly concealed sigh from Isabelle, Alec can feel his secrets biting deeper into the flesh of his lungs. He welcomes them, because the other option is to risk pulling apart his ribcage and allowing the world to see the ugly, snarled mess that is his beating heart, and in that case he might as well hand a rouge vampire a fang-sharpener and unbutton his collar.

So Alec contents himself with drawing himself inwards, with bandaging up the wounds Jace insists on hiding until they’re out of sight, with wiping away Isabelle’s smeared makeup.

Years later, laying in on the sort of lazy Sunday morning Alec wouldn’t have ever dreamt of allowing himself, Magnus will trace nonsense patterns over Alec’s shoulder blades and tell him that he is Patroclus.

Alec will laugh and roll over to ask if that makes Magnus Achilles. He’ll watch the rising sun stipple Magnus’s skin with gold leaf through the rising blinds and feel the quiet rumble in his chest through the palm pressed to Magnus’s heart more than he hears it.

“No,” Magnus will say, closing his eyes as he explains. “Patroclus was–brilliant. If you read the Iliad, you see that. He was smart and talented and an incredible warrior. Beyond that, even, he was caring and kind and couldn’t bare to watch others get hurt. But the society of the time didn’t care about those other things, and next to Achilles, nobody could measure up.

“You have the biggest heart I’ve ever known, Alec,” Magnus says, letting his eyes drift open. In the shadow of the blinds, his pupils are still blown wide, nearly eclipsing the amber of his irises. He trails two fingers down Alec’s sternum, pausing right above his heart. “And I know you were raised to think that doesn’t matter, but whoever taught you that was wrong.”

Alec has never been good with words. He buries his face in the juncture of Magnus’s shoulder and grabs hold of Magnus’s hand, pressing the it into the concave of his chest and wondering when he’d stopped seeing the mess of vines in his ribcage as a monster and started looking for the flowers.

Of course, this morning is a long way off from twelve-year-old Alec, scrubbing furiously at the crusted rim of the mugs and trying to ignore the tears dripping down his cheeks.

It’s a long way off from Alec at fourteen, watching Jace toss his head back and laugh in the sunlight, surrounded by their peers and delighted by it. Alec, lurking in a nearby shadow, wonders whether how wrong he is for noticing the way Jace’s hair glitters in the sunlight is what makes him so alien to everyone else, and if not, how many ways a person can be broken before someone does something about it.

At sixteen, Alec polishes weapons on the floor of the training room next to his mother and discovers that secrets taste like ash and ichor. She sits there calmly, methodically wiping down blade after blade, and Alec can’t help but think that she looks like a stained glass window, and there’s a stone gathering momentum at the base of his throat, just waiting for him to spit it out.

At nineteen, Alec spends his birthday trying to ignore the secrets piled like pebbles in his lungs, rattling with every breath. His mother hugs him and Isabelle gives him a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes and his father pulls him aside to have a discussion Alec doesn’t remember a word of, having been too busy wondering how many words made up the precipice their relationship sat on. Was is ten? Five? Or maybe just two would do it, would shove the hopes and dreams his father had had for him since the moment he’d first held him off a sheer cliff.

In the end, he goes to find Magnus, to lose himself in being cared for by someone who knew all his secrets and loved him anyway. It’s a short respite, but Alec finds that it’s so much easier to breathe through the weight of snarling shadows in his chest when he can leave them at the door for a night.

Equally, though, it awakens a horrible, desperate desire to empty his ribcage of stones, to break the windows and shove away the choking dreams others see when they look at him. He shoves it away, spends more time with the archery targets and goes out patrolling on his own and doesn’t say anything to anyone about the impulsive, stupid animal lying in wait for him to get tired enough.

It turns out that three words are all it takes to steal his breath away enough for the creature to slink in.

Magnus says ‘Be my partner?’ and Alec takes his hand and says ‘Can I kiss you?’

And he does, in the middle of the Accords Hall, and then he pulls out his stele and presses it into Magnus’s fingers, wrapping them around it when he just stands there and stares at Alec like he’s the sun or the moon or possibly, maybe, just himself and for once, that’s enough. Alec can’t seem to meet his eyes, but he shucks the right arm of his jacket and pulls his undershirt collar down enough for Magnus to lean in, close enough that his breath is warm on the shell of Alec’s ear.

After, standing in the quiet, ichor-soaked fields, the hilt of a seraph blade biting into his palm, comes the panic. He drops to his knees, head ringing, and Isabelle is by his side in what feels like an instant, hands pressed like burning brands to his side.

“–hurt? Alec! Can you hear me? I need you to breathe,” she says, tinny and far-away.

He doesn’t remember how, is the thing. Maybe his lungs are so crushed that he doesn’t remember how to breathe without the weight on them. Maybe they were right, and he really was broken and cursed and now he’s going to die because everyone knows–

“Alec,” Isabelle says, right next to his ear. “Count with me.”

One. Two. Three.

“Four. Five. Six,” he says hoarsely, and they keep going until he can feel the burning on his forearm where ichor’s eaten away at his sleeve and his head feels light and stuffed with cotton rather than clamped in iron.

“It’s okay,” Isabelle says quietly, pressing her forehead to his. Her eyes are just as big and dark as they were when she was ten.

“I’m–I can’t,” Alec says, voice cracking. “I’m not brave enough. And–god, Max–”

Isabelle’s face crumples at that, and she pulls back so she can press herself to his chest and bury her face in his neck. Alec holds her, grief filling the cavern in his chest until his heart feels like it’s barely beating. Isabelle shakes in his arms, and by the time their parents find them there, kneeling in the blood and muck, she’s half asleep, cried out and dropping off the other end of two sleepless days and an adrenaline jump on top of the crushing weight of grief.

Shadowhunters do not get the chance to mourn. Nor do they have the time to be scared; a scared Shadowhunter is a dead one, and so Alec saves his grief for the punching bags and his fear for sleepless, dark nights curled up alone and says he’s handling it whenever anyone asks him.

It takes two months for Magnus to get him to crack, and when he does it comes in a silent flood. He shakes apart in Magnus’s arms, tears streaming down his face and not a sound in the small apartment but his occasional hiccuping breath and the wind banging the window against the frame.

When he’s coherent enough to talk, he keeps his eyes on the opposite wall and tastes bitterness and guilt as he whispers out a confession of resentment that he wasn’t given a chance to be afraid, that he hasn’t found the time to grieve, that it’s so unfair, Magnus, why couldn’t the world be a kinder place?

Magnus holds him tight and smooths his hair away from his face and doesn’t try to answer any of the questions. Alec cries until he can’t anymore, and wakes up to the morning sun in his face and a blanket tucked around his shoulders.

#alec lightwood #isabelle lightwood #magnus bane #malec #queer #queerness #tmi #the mortal instruments #tmi fanfic #tw internalized homophobia #i have so many emotions about alec and his relationship to his queerness #because he didn't grow up the way most characters w/ internalized homophobia in media did #his world and family are far enough removed from modern day homophobia that he never had to reall worry about it #and i think that's why i relate to him so much #becayse he's got much more of a 'dress in black and go to another city' situation #and that's what i was told queerness was when i was younger #something to be ashamed of and avoided at all costs #a selfish indulgenc #a tragedy #a terrible secret i couldn't share with anyone #anyway. here's to giving in to the screaming impulsive voice trying to convince you to just get it over with. #and here;s to not having time to grieve the person you used to be or a chance to come to terms with coming out #here's to the first explicitly canonically openly gay character i read about #here's to every single one of you standing on the precipice with someone. #my writing

[buckysegan]

With all my gratitude, hope and adoration John.

Summary: Everyone deserves a letter from home. John x She. Word Count: 785. A/N: we are def rolling with some historical inaccuracies in regards to letters here but sue me. he deserves it. Part Two.

"mail boys!"

the familiar call sounded through the bunks and bucky didn't even bother to lift his head from where he had been watching crank deal out the cards. he didn't need to look, he never needed to look because there had never been any mail for him. it was a well known fact among the boys, something none of them seemed brave enough to comment on. and john? well he wasn't the type that was going to dwell on such a thing with anyone other than buck.

"buck another one for you, brady, one for me....bucky." the silence that took over was almost immediate as his name was called and for a moment he almost didn't want to look, terrified how he may react if he found a smirk on murph's face. instead he was greeted with absolute sincerity and just as every other face in the bunk did, his pulled into a picture of confusion as he moved to swipe the letter, blue eyes quick to inspect the penmanship.

there it was, as clear as day, his name. lifting it to his nose the way he had seen each man do it sniffed, the rounds of taunts flying from the boys over some secret broad he'd had hidden away from them all. not that the major was listening, already retreating to his bunk with the piece of paper as buck silenced the rest of them, sending them on their way to read their own letters as he watched with quiet concern for his best friend.

he had known john long enough to know he wasn't the pen pal type, but he'd also seen the change, the longing for something that the rest of them had. it wasn't anything he had ever expected of his john, ever the class clown so he was as confused as the rest of the crew.

none were more confused than john though, as he tore, with gentleness he had long since reserved for the touch of a woman, wondering who the hell had wrote him.

"dear major egan..."

Dear Major Egan,

It's odd I find, to be writing a letter to someone when your name and rank is all I know of you. It feels terribly impersonal and honestly I'm not sure how this letter will be received so I am sorry if this feels like an intrusion on your day but the thing is...

Well the truth Major, is that it seems to have been noted that during your time in England you have yet to receive a letter. When I learnt that fact my heart broke a little and not with pity I assure you, but any man fighting for home deserves something to hold onto. You may have that, I hope you do, but just in case I wanted to offer you some form of peace.

I am with you Major Egan, for as long as it takes you to get back home. There is someone out there praying for you every night, someone waiting on your soul to make it back. I know not what your favorite warm meal is, nor what you sound like, I know not what you look like or what makes you laugh, but I would like to learn all of those things should you wish to write back at all.

In return I shall share all those things about myself and anything else should you wish to know any of it. Oh they tell me your name is John, may I call you John next time? I'm going to do it anyway.

With all my gratitude, hope and adoration John

A friend from home x

he wasn't aware the tears had welled as he finished the letter. really bucky had almost forgotten what it was like to cry. but as he scanned the page, again and again and again, he couldn't bring himself to stop the tear that spilled over his cheek, even with the silence he could feel around him again as the boys grew curious once more.

"who was it john?" the gentle voice of his best friend broke through the fourth rerun of the words, the blonde stepping forward so that the answer could stay between them.

blue eyes lifted to meet hazel, with a smile he knew that he hadn't worn in weeks really. one not dissimilar to the smile he had given buck when he had seen him behind that fence. "i - i have a friend from home." someone, somewhere was waiting for him, someone somewhere, had given him what he had forgotten about in this war. hope. she was with him and unless god himself tried to stop him john egan was going to make it home.

#callum turner #masters of the air #mota drabble #john egan x reader #bucky egan x reader #mota fanfic

[mitsies]

proposal ; satoru gojo

gojo satoru proposes quite often. each time, it all goes terribly wrong.

satoru gojo x gn reader, proposal, established relationship, parenthood (later!!), dad!gojo, 5+1 trope, so much fluff!!!

the first time gojo satoru asks you to marry him, he ends up nearly choking to death. he recalls it with a faux bitterness, and you with indignance and a tinge of amusement.

it was a fancy dinner restaurant, with low-hanging chandeliers and the aroma of obnoxious perfumes. people clothed in dressy designer gowns and suits flocked the bar and tables. you watched them as you sipped your drink, wondering what they were doing here tonight.

"that man with the red spotted tie? i bet the younger lady he's with is his mistress."

gojo's words made you choke back a laugh. his voice was low, to avoid anyone overhearing. he smiled at how your lips pursed to hide your smile.

this was your favorite game- you would find a person to observe, eyeing them, and gojo would follow your gaze. he'd then create a backstory for them- a game of fill-in-the-blank based on their actions and appearance.

the both of you would often go on fancy dinner dates (with gojo being vain and rich and enjoying dressing up, and with you benefitting from him being happy,) but today was a more momentous occasion. it was the two of you's 6th anniversary of dating.

you weren't expecting much, nor did you want a lot. just the regular flowers, sub-par wine, and overpriced food would do. you were content with his presence and no greater plans.

gojo, however, had other ideas for today. without your knowledge, he'd coordinated with the kitchen staff to create a secret proposal scheme- and he did a damn good job if he said so himself.

a large, gaudy, and expensive ring was stowed away inside a cupcake of your favorite flavor. there'd be two to share, and when you bit into it, you'd discover his proposal and say yes. that was gojo's plan, anyways.

when the plate of sweet treats were brought out, they just looked too good. gojo couldn't help but have his right away too- after all, it was best to avoid suspicion, right? so he popped the whole thing into his mouth like a pill.

and gagged. loudly.

a piece of fine silver, an immaculately cut and expensive diamond, and the tiny lapis lazuli studs in the form of a gaudy engagement ring was lodged in his throat.

at this point in the story, gojo typically pretends to forget what happened afterward. you would laugh and explain to the audience that he did, in fact, have to get heimlich-maneuvered by an elderly man. he ended up spitting out the ring and you never even knew it was there, assuming he was choking on his overly-chewy steak.

that date ended with an unpaid bill, apologetic staff, and an embarrassed couple. 'an ultimate success', gojo would chime into your story, since he 'got you in the end'.

you'd snort a laugh and push his shoulder playfully. 'more like an ultimate fuck-up', you'd smile. he would grin right back at you, brighter than a diamond.

the second time gojo satoru proposes, you get hit by a car.

it's a warm, sleepy day in thailand. gojo opted to take you with him as his plus one to some stuffy clan event being held there. instead of attending the event fully, though, the two of you decide to leave 10 minutes in to roam the unfamiliar streets.

the sun is about to set and it's held in the sky by the clouds, cradling it like a child. the world is alight with oranges and the streets are quiet. it's an abandoned little town, the one you end up in.

the buildings are dilapidated and birds nest in the rafters of old structures. graffiti decorates the walls and empty boxes line the streets. vines and flowers and grasses bloom and blossom through the cracks and creases of the decaying village, like nature was reaching back into the world to take what was hers.

your formal wear was itchy on your skin but you really didn't mind, as you laughed like a fool as satoru made stupid joke after stupid joke. his smile was enough to rival the setting sun as he beamed at you as if he'd never seen anything more beautiful.

gojo, who'd been a few paces ahead of you, falls into step next to you before grabbing your hand to get you to stop walking.

he says your name and it's more gently than usual. "look at the sky," he whispers, like it's a secret.

you look up to the expanse of tumbling clouds and the streaks of dusk and you're left breathless by the unusual serenity of it.

"it's not half as pretty as you." gojo is so quiet you almost can't hear him, but you smile a little. you turn, about to make fun of him for being cheesy and cliche, and then it's all a blur- you see satoru, on the floor for some reason? and you hear jingling and satoru shouts something and- 'bam!' gojo would pantomime, gesturing an explosion with his hands.

you'd roll your eyes before continuing the story. an elderly driver with a done-up and ancient, creaky, rickshaw had slammed you into the pavement and kept on driving.

you lay, dazed, back on the ground. gojo appeared in your vision, blurry and doubled. panic is prominent on his face, and you feel his hands on you.

for a few minutes, as gojo tries to manage both his own anger at the old driver and the fact that his partner just got hit by a rickshaw going at 100 miles per hour.

he helps you sit up, and you do so slowly. you're still seeing doubles of everything and the word is spinning and your head hurts like hell, but you don't think your bleeding, and gojo is slowly coming back into focus so you're probably, maybe okay.

'it was traumatizing,' gojo would narrate, 'blood everywhere, guts on the floor, everything.'

you'd smack gojo's shoulder and he'd cackle like a fool.

'it wasn't bad,' you would state, 'he's making it seem like i was on the verge of death. i was not.'

'i was not,' gojo mimicked. you'd shove your shoulder into him and he laughed, wrapping an arm around your waist.

this story ends with you in the hospital with a minor concussion and gojo stashing the engagement ring in his suit pocket and tucking it into the depths of his overly-stuffed suitcase.

'god, you getting hit by a car-'

'rickshaw,' you corrected, 'not a car.'

gojo side-eyed you. 'like i said, a car, was so inconvenient.'

you glare at him, and you hear your audience laugh. 'next time, the car is going to be hitting you. and it won't be just a concussion.'

attempt number 3 is less painful for you, but incredibly embarrassing for gojo.

it's snowing on the school campus. you and satoru observed as maki beat the shit out of yuta, as per usual. you wince as a particularly brutal blow strikes him.

"jesus, she's not holding back."

gojo smiles. "i wouldn't want her to. how else is he meant to learn?"

you raise an eyebrow. "i'm surprised you're allowed to be a teacher."

"me too!"

the silence pursuing your words is comfortable, the only thing breaking being the loud smacks coming from the field until gojo says:

"i'm sure they'll be fine. want to go for a walk?"

you tsk as he stands from the bench you are both sitting on. "now, what kind of teacher would that make you, satoru?"

"one with priorities."

you smile and take his extended hand. "damn right."

your walk is quiet. neither of you speaks much, and you're both happy that way. sometimes, silence is lovely.

gojo is not quiet around many. he is, by nature, loud, and that is something he hadn't grown out of. you feel a little blessed that he can find it in himself to be peaceful when you're around, though.

he's holding your gloved hand but you can still feel the cold emanating from his palm as he leads you through a grove of leafless trees, just behind the school campus.

"i love the snow," he says at some point.

you hum in agreement and steal a glance at him. satoru looks angelic in this scene, under a snow-filled tree, like a heavenly deity that you had the honor of encountering.

you turn your face so he doesn't see you staring. you've been together for years at this point, but you don't feel like embarrassing yourself at this moment.

when satoru lets go of your hand, though, you turn back around from your faux-examination of the winter scenery- just in time to see a big cloud of snow from the tree drop onto gojo's head.

he collapses from his place on the ground (why was he on the ground?), and he looks like a surprised deer. only his head peeks through the pile of white around him.

you stare for a beat before breaking out into laughter, so hard it makes your ribs hurt- and in the distance, you hear even more people laughing. you glance around to see the current 1st-years, yuta, maki, inumaki, and panda doubled over in laughter. panda had a phone out, presumably recording the whole scene.

'i should've killed him,' gojo grumbled, and you snort.

'too bad. he'd already sent the video to everyone, so that wouldn't really help your case.'

'maybe it's not too late.'

'i think it is. it's all okay though, right? because it all worked out in the end?'

you batted your lashes and gojo huffed at your blatant mockery of his previous words.

'well, i suppose you were worth it all. just barely, though.'

the final failed proposal was gojo's last ditch attempt at making it romantic.

it's your average day, about 6 months after the last mishap. spring flowers blossom all around your little picnic blanket as you smooth it over the grass. satoru places the basket over in the corner and began to unpack it.

it was one of the rare days when you both had a little time off, so in honor of the good weather, you and satoru opted to spend a while outside.

what you don't know is that satoru has a skywriter scheduled to come out in 5 minutes, to pull across a banner asking you to marry him.

and what satoru doesn't know is that the company he'd booked had a 2-star yelp rating.

so, when the skywriter dances across the blue canvas with a grey trail of letters following it, your name is spelled wrong. very wrong. to the point where it's unrecognizable.

"gertrude, will you marry me?"

you read out the words the skywriter spelled out, and smile dumbly. gojo wants to gouge his eyes out. "good for gertrude. strange name, though."

and then it starts raining. like, really raining. torrents of water rush down from the sky out of nowhere, soaking the both of you in a matter of moments.

"okay, well," gojo tries to conceal his disappointment, "i guess this was kind of a bust."

but you smile at him and he's not too upset anymore, because how could he be?

"there's always next time, satoru. could you help me with the stuff?"

the both of you rush to clean up your picnic. and then, you hear a rumble of thunder in the distance.

the hairs on the back of your neck rise and you think satoru feels it too because he grabs your hand and tugs you away. "i think we should go-"

a loud, crackling noise followed by an astonishingly bright light strikes the place where your picnic blanket used to lay. a small stream of smoke billows, before its vanquished by the water.

gojo looks at you. you look at him. and wordlessly, the both of you leave the park as quickly as you can.

(what neither of you realizes is that a little box with an over-the-top engagement ring was left abandoned at the park that day, never to be seen again.)

without the engagement ring, gojo isn't quite sure what he's meant to do.

he could try again. he could buy another one. but honestly, the demotivation he's feeling wouldn't do anything for his proposal skills. he is feeling very much slumped.

it's a week after the picnic fiasco, and life has been as normal for you. but for gojo, he's been stressing over everything for what feels like an eternity.

it's the last friday of springtime when he comes home from teaching to you laying on the couch. you're reading a book with a red cover in your flannel pajama pants and his oversized t-shirt. you look so good, and gojo doesn't know what to do with himself so he just stares at you from the doorway like some creep before entering your shared apartment.

he calls out a greeting to you and you reply in kind, asking how his day was. he keeps the conversation going as he showers, calling out his replies. he returns in his own overpriced loungewear and slides next to you on the couch.

he lays his head on your lap, looking up at you. you diligently and wordlessly rearrange to make this more comfortable for both of you.

the last rains of spring are pounding against the windows of your home, and the sky outside is dark blue. the yellow lighting of the lamp casts a warm glow on the two of you, and gojo thinks it brings out your eyes, and he doesn't know what he's saying when he says it but it's spoken nonetheless:

"i want to marry you."

you don't react in the slightest, flipping the page of the book you're reading and working your free hand through gojo's hair. but he doesn't miss how your movements falter for a moment, just a second.

"haha. funny."

gojo sits up. you're looking at him now, and he sees a flicker of confusion flit across your face.

"i'm serious. i mean it."

you blink. "you want to marry me."

he nods.

"oh."

"so..." gojo scoots back from you on the couch, so he's not in your face. "this is me proposing."

and then he waits. he waits for the burglar to come in and shoot both of you in the face. he waits for the microwave oven to explode in the kitchen and set the apartment on fire. he waits for the ceiling to collapse and bury you both in the rubble. he waits for you to say no.

"then i guess this is me saying yes."

but he is waiting for nothing. he smiles at you, so brightly that he could illuminate the stormy nighttime sky. and you kiss him, this boy made of diamond, as if he's going to disappear.

'i was so smooth, you can't lie,' gojo said with a stupid smirk.

'you're right, i can't lie. and you weren't smooth. at all.'

two little voices giggle and your heart was infinitely warmed.

you and satoru were sat telling your story to your young kids, aged 6 and 7. it was late on a wednesday, and you'd run out of stories to tell, so you resorted to the undoubtedly entertaining tale behind your engagement.

'you're so silly, dad!' said your 6-year-old daughter shigure. she had recently learned what the word 'silly' meant, so obviously it had to be used in every sentence ever. 'so so silly!

satoru ruffled her hair and you were taken for a moment at how similar the two were.

your 7-year-old son, fuyuki, interjected. 'i'm too old for bedtime stories now but i like this one i guess.'

you raised an eyebrow. 'oh, really? i guess we won't read you them anymore. y'know, since you're too old and cool for them-'

'no! i was just kidding!'

you snort. 'okay. i see.'

satoru stood and you followed suit, wishing the children goodnight before shutting off the lights in their room.

your husband sighed before stretching and cracking his back. he winced at the sound.

'you really are getting old,' you said lightly. he glared at you playfully.

'says the one whose hearing is giving out already.'

you waved a finger at him. 'that is a direct result of getting hit by a car-'

'rickshaw,' satoru corrected.

'a car,' you repeated, 'which, by the way, is technically all your fault.'

satoru groaned as you both made your way to your own bedroom. 'that was forever ago.'

'still feels like yesterday.'

'sure it does, grandpa.'

you were, at this point, by your bedside. so you threw a pillow at him.

he (almost) caught it and threw it back onto your bed. 'get in, spouse #1.'

you exhaled a breath of laughter. 'you first, #2.'

the night was cold as you slid in after satoru, and in all honesty, he was even colder, but you couldn't find it in yourself to care.

your head laid close to his chest and you could feel the rising and falling of his breathing. you tried to match it.

'i'm glad i asked you.'

his voice was out of nowhere. you raised your head to look at him inquisitively.

'i mean,' he amended, 'i'm glad this is how things ended up. really glad.'

you thought about your life. you thought about how you met, about the restaurant anniversary, about the crazed rickshaw driver, about the video of gojo losing to the snow, about the lightning and your failed picnic, about the rain against the windows and the color of the book you were reading, about everything from then til now.

there were so many words you could have said to tell him about how much you agreed. but you opt to return your head to his chest and listen to his heartbeat.

'i'm glad too,' is all you said. he already knew.

the name shigure means rainshower in late summer, winter, or autumn.

the name fuyuki means wintery tree.

#gojo satoru x reader #satoru x reader #gojou x reader #gojo x reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen gojou #jujutsu gojo #satoru gojo #gojou satoru #gojou satoru x you #satoru gojou #gojo satoru #satoru gojo x reader #reader insert #gender neutral reader #imagine #gojo imagine #gojou #gojo #girl what do i tag

[vivwritesfics]

Keep On Rolling - MV1

Chapter Eight

Summary: Lando's best friend having feelings for anyone on the grid? Impossible, right? She worked with them, sharing her friendship with the grid with the world via the FormulaY/N youtube channel.

After film a video including... spicy water (alcohol), everything changes between her and a certain world champion. Good thing she hasn't had a crush on him since his F1 debut, right?

Right?

1.8K words

Series Masterlist

It was the final race before summer break, Spa. It had been a full two months since she'd last spoken to Max. A few days before she'd attempted to text him, but to no avail. Left on read every time.

Y/N couldn't begin to describe how much it hurt. Worst of all, she couldn't tell anybody about it. She couldn't tell Lando, not since he'd disappeared out of her hotel room at Silverstone.

Ever since her Formula One youtube career had begun, Y/N hadn't felt alone. Not until now. She'd never felt this alone in her life. This was the first time in over ten years, that Lando hadn't been there by her side.

This was maybe the first time she didn't have several videos planned for the race weekend. Well, she did, but those videos involved Lando, and they weren't exactly the best of friends at the minute.

Y/N didn't know if she could walk around the paddock without Lando backing her every step of the way. Sure she was friends with all of the drivers. But Lando was her best friend; Y/N didn't know who he was without him.

There was only one thing Y/N felt like she could do without Lando there. She called up Charles.

It had become somewhat tradition for Y/N and Charles to go to a café every time they did something just the two of them. Charles met her down in the lobby of her hotel. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders as she approached and they left the hotel together.

"What's up today?" Asked the Monegasque.

Y/N sucked in a deep breath as they walked through the streets of Belgium, searching for a café. "Everything," she answered.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Not with Charles. Not when he was so close to one of the causes of her problems. But she no longer had Lando to talk to, so she turned to Charles.

When they found a café, they took a seat in a cushioned booth in the darkest corner of the building. A waitress came over and took their orders. As soon as the waitress was gone, Charles turned to Y/N. "That's it, talk."

So, Y/N talked. She told Charles everything. About her feelings for Max, about how he suddenly disappeared. She told him about her sort-of fight with Lando and how things were weird between them. She told him how lonely she felt without him.

That was the thing. As much as Max was affecting Y/N, Lando was the biggest thing upsetting Y/N. She missed him so, so much. She hadn't gone a day without talking to him since she was eleven years old.

"Wow," Charles said as soon as Y/N was done speaking. "That was..."

A lot, Y/N knew. She looked up at him, waiting, hoping, praying he'd continue talking. And Charles did. "Well, I don't know what is happening with Max, but you need to just talk to Lando. He won't be able to stop himself from telling you eventually."

It was true, Lando was terrible at keeping secrets. It wasn't on purpose; he didn't do it with malicious intent. Lando was never one of those people that would be red faced, fists clenched not to spill the beans. No, Lando was one of those people who would accidentally let things slip and feel bad about it later.

Like on Y/N's thirteenth birthday. Her parents had planned out a surprise party for her and had invited all of her friends, Lando included. But Lando couldn't make it, not with karting. As he and Y/N walked home from school, he began apologising for not being able to attend a party Y/N didn't know about.

Surprise ruined.

Charles cleared his throat. "You haven't uploaded a new video in forever," he said, stirring a cube of sugar into his coffee.

"I know," Y/N said through a sigh. "I'm taking my summer break early."

Every summer break Y/N toured around with the drivers she was closest with, vlogging their adventures. This year, Daniel had invited her to Texas, and then she and Lando were off to a villa in Temerife with Carlos and his girlfriend. To finish the summer break up Y/N was joining Charles on his yacht.

"You need to sort things out with Lando before your holiday, you know?"

"Yes, Charles, I know," muttered Y/N as she sipped her coffee. "What do I do about Max?"

Charles really didn't know. He knew Max, they'd grown up together. Max's relationships were always a topic they didn't breech. He knew how Y/N felt about Max, the slight crush she admitted to having months ago.

"All you can do is wait," Charles answered somewhat solemnly.

Y/N let out a huff through her nose. She hadn't really touched the Internet since Lando had stormed off, choosing instead to stay away. She didn't know that twitter was going crazy with her lack of videos.

But it wasn't just a lack of videos. It was a lack of any kind of content. Videos, tweets, Instagram posts. You name it and Y/N wasn't doing it. "Better let the masses know I'm alive," she mumbled and snapped a picture of their coffees.

formulay/n

Liked by carlossainz55, charles_leclerc, danielricciardo, and 55,683 others

formulay/n: therapy sesh ☕️☕️

Going to the cafe this time didn't have such dire consequences. There were a few comments about her and Charles being a thing, but not enough that Y/N had to acknowledge them. Most of the comments just so happened to be about her uploads, or lack there of.

Y/N and Charles stayed in the cafe only a little while longer, just chatting. If she and Lando couldn't make up, he'd invited her to Monaco or wherever he ended up over summer break.

Quadrant wasn't something Y/N had ever really been involved in. Sure, she'd been in a few videos here and there as Landos special guest, and she'd consider Max a great friend, but Quadrant was a different.

She didn't game, didn't kart, and was too busy with her own content. The last video she'd been in was when she and all the other YouTubers had done Mario Kart in real life (she was team Luigi).

The extent of hers and Max's (Fewtrell's) conversations were sending each other memes via Instagram. They really actually texted each other, let alone talk.

So, when Max (Fewtrell's) face appeared on her screen as she walked back to the hotel, Y/N was shocked, to say the least. She slid her finger across the bottom of her screen and pressed the phone to her ear.

"Ew, what do you want?" She said into the phone. Because, for some reason, this was the kind of relationship they had and it was how British people answered the phone.

"Ew, I want to invite you along for the next Quadrant video."

"Ew, what are you doing in the video?"

"That's for us to know," Max answered, finally dropping the 'ew's. "But, you haven't been in a Quadrant video in fucking ages and people love you."

Y/N thought about it. She loved being in Quadrant videos, loved the fun atmosphere they created. She loved the fun things they did together for their videos. Through Quadrant, Y/N had met some of the youtubers she'd idolised as she grew up. Her favourite Quadrant moment was when she'd met the Side Men. That really was a special day.

"I'll talk to Lando and then I'll get back to you," she answered him finally. They said their goodbyes and hung up and Y/N stepped into her hotel.

There, in the lobby, was the man she wanted. The man who was ignoring her. Max (Verstappen) waited by the elevators. Y/N wasn't quite sure what to do. She hung back until the elevator doors opened and Max walked in.

He turned around then, and saw Y/N walk towards him. His expression was blank as she walked into the elevator. After months, this was going to be her best chance to speak to him.

But Max wasn't ready to speak to her.

Just before the elevator doors slid shut, he strode out, instead taking the stairs.

"Max, wait!" Called Y/N as she went to chase after him. But the elevator doors had already closed and she was moving, the elevator taking her up to the fifth floor.

Y/N's fist slammed into the mirror. "Fuck!" She shouted in the still silence of the elevator.

The doors opened and Y/N stepped out. She couldn't think about Max right now, not when she had Lando to worry about. Grabbing her phone, she dialled his number and pressed it to her ear.

"Are you still mad at me?" Lando asked in way of hello.

"Which room are you in?"

Lando gave her the room number and Y/N hung up. She didn't bother to get back into the elevator and took the stairs instead, taking them two at a time. Lando's hotel room was a whole floor above her own. She marched down the corridor, arms swinging, her stride full of purpose.

When she was at his door, Y/N knocked, loud and fast. Lando pulled open in door in a matter of seconds, letting her in.

Y/N sat on his bed. "We need to talk," she said, dropping her cold exterior. "For the last few month I've been keeping something from you," she confessed.

Sitting on the bed beside her, Lando stared, waiting for her to continue.

"We've been best friends since your karting days. Because of that I've made other friends, too. Like Carlos and Danny and Charles. And... Max. This year, I've gotten really close to Max in particular. I guess, what I'm trying to say is that I've got a little bit of a crush on Max Verstappen. Which now feels like shit because Max has been icing me out for the few months"

"Oh."

Yes, that was all Lando said. Yes, it pissed Y/N off. "Oh, come on Lan. That's all you have to say?"

But Lando, a man who is usually rather tan, had gone pale. His best friend had a crush and he'd told that crush to leave her alone.

"What do we do about it?" Asked Lando.

"First, you tell me why you were acting so weird in Silverstone. And then you tell me what the next Quadrant video is going to be. And then we do something about it."

Taglist (Open): @sticksdoesart @eviethetheatrefreak @eugene-emt-roe @glai1023-blog @mqcherie @itsjustkhaos @chonkybonky @arian-directioner @lazybot @lpab @princessria127 @fangirl125reader @honethatty12 @larastark3107 @urfavouritef1girly @cassiopeiia24 @callsign-scully @lexiecamposv @dl-yum @savagecelery @laneyspaulding19 @formulas-bitch @teenwolf01 @gayfrog29 @fictionalcomforts @avg-golden-retriever @pxppeypianotme @ruleroftheuniverse @ferrarisbitch @ashy-kit @dark-night-sky-99 @sadg3

#max verstappen #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen smut #max verstappen x reader smut #max verstappen fluff #max verstappen x you #keep on rolling #f1 #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #formula one #formula one imagine #formula one x reader #formula 1 #formula 1 imagine #formula 1 x reader #mv1 #mv1 imagine #mv 1 x reader #mv1 smut

[writing-in-the-impala]

Secret Smokes (Part 11)

Pairing: Teacher! Remus Lupin x Reader

Series Summary: When the reader bumps into the new DADA professor on the bridge in Hogwarts she begins to build a friendship with him all thanks to their shared feeling of not belonging and love for muggle cigarettes. Their friendship blooms while they both fight internal battles deciding what is wrong and what is right leading to a lot of fluff, angst, flirting and a rollercoaster of emotions.

Warnings: Swearing, smoking, drinking, teacher-student relationship, angst, jealousy, fluff, smut.

Word Count: 4495

A/N: Yes I did drop off the face of the earth for a bit but can I make it up to you with an extra long chapter?

 | SERIES MASTER LIST (All chapters) |

Previous Chapter, Part 11, Next Chapter

Your fight was the last time you saw Remus Lupin that week, the next lesson you had with Lupin was taken over by Snape, even your tutoring was now with McGonagall. Lupin returned on Friday evening, you saw him in the great hall during dinner, and that's when you received an owl from him which was rare during dinner. He didn't pay you any attention, so you decided to take the letter to the lake and read it by yourself so no one could interrupt you and he couldn't watch or analyse you open it. You sat down by the water and opened it.

"My dearest, Y/N,

Oh how I've fucked up, in life constantly but with you in more ways than one. I don't know how to express my words in person I've never been good at words when it came to the important things like people. This is version five of this letter.

I traveled home after Monday. I couldn't bare to look at that desk, I couldn't go to Sirius as his home will forever smell like the first time I kissed you. When I arrived I found your letters, they made me realise you left to protect us from ending up in this very situation, I thought it was from fear of getting told off for being home late but really you knew that Percy was looking for clues. Unfortunately his letter found me first and convinced me to push you away, that I was risking too much by risking your schooling, I don't care about my career, what's life if you only live for a job but I don't want to mess up your future. I take my job very seriously but life is  more important.

You were right when you said I'm scared of having something good, however you were wrong when you said you were convenient. You're far from it. I might be lonely but that's not why I'm drawn to you, I'm drawn to your wit, I'm drawn to your smile and I'm drawn to your world. If we could spend forever sitting on my sofa listening to music and talking I would die a happy man.

I don't know what my feelings for you are but they are strong and they scare me, you're much more important to me than anyone else I know and I fear to admit it. New Year's Eve I messed up, if we were ever going to kiss I wanted it to be after a date where I show you how you're meant to be loved and offer you the world not drunk on the steps of my best friends house.

I don't know how you feel about me and if I hurt you too much, if that's the case I am terribly sorry I wish I could make it right. If an inch of you still thinks I'm a decent man I have two offers for you.

A. If you want to remain friends and go back to last year's rules "no dear, no alcohol and no kissing" meet me tomorrow evening in my office for tea and tunes, or let me know in your own way

B: If you are up for an adventure my dear and willing to see what happens if we risk it and you still feel any attraction after my poor behaviour: Meet me tomorrow morning at 9am in Hogsmeade, next to the three broomsticks.

C: if you simply hate me like you said (at least 4 times using my full name I'm glad you don't know my middle name) all I ask is show up to my lessons, we can arrange another teacher to take over you 1-on-1 schooling but please show up. I promise to pretend I don't think you're the most amazing witch and woman I've ever met. Please don't let me ruin your exams or future.

Yours, Remus John Lupin.

P.S. To answer the question in your original letters from the 1st of January keep my sweater, it will simply be a painful memory if you choose C and I like the way it looks on you if you choose B ."

You felt a mixture of excitement and relief with his letter, it felt like everything has magically explained itself. Remus was an anxious writer with a tendency to sabotage his own happiness but he was trying. He was trying for you.

The next morning you woke up early to get ready to see Remus, you didn't know what to expect but you were excited. You arrived in Hogsmeade early knowing Remus as someone extremely punctual you were shocked to find Remus wasn't there. You waited until 9:05 but nothing, so you began to walk back at towards the castle. "Wait!" Remus said and you turned around to see him holding two cups of coffee, one of which had obviously slightly spilled on him. "It's with milk!" He said holding a coffee forward towards you.

"Thank you." You said grabbing it.

"I'm glad you came." He said softly.

"I'm glad you sent that letter." You replied. "You have coffee on your sweater." You pointed out reaching in your pocket for a tissue.

"I didn't think through apparating with two cups of coffee.' He admitted with a shy smile as you dabbed his jumper dry. "Thank you dear." He continued softly.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked.

"Where?"

"London, grab my hand and hold your coffee tight." He said reaching out a hand and you took hold of it and you appeared in Holborn, London.

"I thought that wasn't possible in Hogwarts." You admitted.

"That's why we met in Hogsmeade dear, sorry about being late, there was a queue." He admitted showing you the coffee.

"I thought you may have changed your mind." You admitted.

"I was scared you wouldn't come." He admitted.

"Liar you got two cups of coffee." You pointed out.

"I had a feeling you'd show up, now dear, see today as my way of apologising to you. I have a small plan but if you want to do anything just tell me." He said and at that moment you turned the corner to the British Museum. "Have you been here before?" He asked.

"Maybe once or twice as a kid."

"Okay but have you ever had a magic tour of this place?" He questioned and you shook your head. "Great." Remus led you into the British museum, he looked quite excited and more young now than ever. "Now not everyone knows that many treasures in this building are actually artefacts from great magicians."

"So they stole from wizards too?" You asked and Remus laughed.

"They sure did, now not many people know how some of these great people used magic to help muggles and how some of this stuff is either cursed or enchanted." Remus continued as you walked through the beautiful foyer.

"But I'm sure you do." You said teasing him and he nodded.

"I'm not just a pretty face, unlike you I spent a lot of time in libraries."

"Are you saying I don't study? I spend a lot of time in my professors office."

"You spend a lot of time listening to music and distracting me while I try to mark work, dear." He shot back and you laughed. "Now as I was saying, I may not be a rich man or have much to offer but I have a lot of knowledge."

"You should be a teacher." You said with a wink.

"You should be a comedian. Now enough talking watch this." He said and then one of the Egyptian statues moved and stood up.

"Holy shit, are you allowed to do that?" You asked looking around.

"Don't worry no one will notice." He said

"What was that?" You asked.

"It's a Pharos tomb guard, they're enchanted to stand when an attacker approaches, they have a lot of ancient magic in here."

"So why didn't they do that when they were removed from the tomb?" You asked as you and Remus continued to walk and look at the different statues.

"They did, they did for a very long time, however when dark wizards realised there's money in helping archaeologists they helped lift curses or limit enchanted objects. Those guards were stopped from being the soldiers they were, the only thing left is the command to stand when you summon them." Remus explained, you were impressed by his knowledge. You walked through  the ancient Egyptian part for another few minutes before Remus took hold of your hand and hurried you to the Ancient Greek part. "This bits my favourite, sorry is it okay if I do that?" He asked gesturing to your hand.

"It's encouraged." You blushed.

"Tell me when I cross a line Y/N, we still need to talk about us but first I want to hold my part of the deal, showing you who I actually am."

"And who are you profesor?"

"A lonely bookworm with a furry problem and a teaching job to pay the bills."

"Don't forget the cottage." You winked making him laugh.

"Now these are the Parthenon marbles, the Parthenon was being used as a base to store ammunition by the Ottomans and some idiot messed up and blew up the whole thing."

"Some idiot is that the technical term profesor?" You poked him in the arm and he rolled his eyes. You found him very attractive when he was more casually dressed, with his jacket drooped over his arms and a warm sweater on.

"It is now." He replied. "Long story short some guy named Lord Elgin went to Greece and asked the Ottomans can I have this? And they said sure and he took it, as lords usually do. It's missing a lot of parts as they're back where they belong but a small part of me feels lucky to have them here as they tell a story. You see if you come over here you'll see the Centaur." He led you over to the far wall. "He tells a story of the battle between Centaurs and Lapiths at the marriage feast of Peirithoos. And if you do this even with it's missing parts you get to watch it." He lifted his wand and the marble moved. It began plaything the story throughout the panels as if they were alive just like the paintings in Hogwarts. "And if you think that is cool look behind you." You turned around and the main sculptures were all moving, they were missing parts but they felt human.

"That's incredible, show me more." You expressed with a big smile and Remus couldn't help but smile back. "Come on." He said putting one arm around you while his other arm still had his jacket drooped over it. And like that, he led you through the museum holding your waist and making your heart flutter at his actions and brain amazed at the world of knowledge he was sharing with you.

It was one of the few times you saw Remus truly happy as he immersed himself in history. It was beautiful to see him care free not putting himself down, not talking about his condition just being himself. As you walked out the museum hours later he still had a hand around your waist. "Now dear what would you like to do?"

"Should we go get some food?"

"What a wonderful idea, there's a great pub not too far from here, only thing I need to get some cash out as I'm low on muggle money." He explained.

"I can pay."

"I'm sure you can but you won't I'm taking you out on a date it's my treat." He said as he rushed in front of you to the cash machine. "Okay" he said looking at it. "Okay, okay." He continued looking for where to insert his card. "Just a moment." He said after inserting it and just starring at all the options on the screen. "Merlin." He whispered quietly while pressing random buttons.

"You do know how to use it?" You asked suggestively.

"Of course I do." He said but he was obviously struggling.

"Here let me help you." You stood alongside him pressing the buttons for him. "How much do you want to withdraw?"

"£20?" He said hesitantly.

"£20?" You confirmed.

"£50."

"£50 are you sure?" You asked in disbelief.

"I'm not good with this, I haven't been in a muggle pub in forever I don't know the prices these days. I'm sorry, get however much you think it'll cost for us to have food. This is so embarrassing." He admitted.

"£50 it is, Remus the muggle world is my world it's okay to ask for help, I literally didn't know you could aparate in Hogsmeade." You calmed him while you finished the transaction.

"Yeah that was silly, everyone knows-"

"You don't know how to use a cash machine Remus!" You interrupted.

"I'll shut up. Now off to the pub, thank you for your help." He took your hand and lead the way. The pub was quite busy but you expected it as it was lunchtime on a Saturday. It was nice to sit opposite Remus having a meal, flirting, chatting and being yourselves. You didn't feel anxious like you did sometimes on dates, you felt like you were hanging out with a friend that you had a crush on, he would make you blush a lot with his words but he was also clumsy and stumbled a lot, something you never saw in him at Hogwarts. He ordered fish and chips and knocked over the sauces with his hand, when he went to pick them up, he hit his head on the edge of the table, you found it all cute and amusing but he was obviously embarrassed. "Am I making you slowly think I'm an idiot?" He asked after the incident and you simply replied with. "Only a little bit, makes you less intimidating."

"Am I intimidating?" He asked.

"Not at all." You said and he shook his head while laughing. After you ate you decided to take a walk along the river at first you began to talk about meaningless stuff like how you missed the Christmas lights or how Remus enjoyed the fact you can find oyster shells and old pipes on the rivers edge from the Victorian era. However the conversation changed when Remus asked. "What do you see us as?"

"I don't know." You admitted a bit of anxiety started to grow inside you.

"I don't know either, but I think we need to set some ground rules."

"What do you suggest?"

"Defining what's okay, like for example I think if either of us is developing strong feelings like love for the other we should cut it off as we don't want to hurt each other and with our current position we can't be in a relationship and be student and teacher." He said his eyes moving all over the place but avoiding you and he used his hands to emphasise what he was saying.

"How come?"

"Well for starters we can't do this all the time, if I was in love I would like to offer that person all my love, I would like to take them on dates, I would like to walk around and hold their hand, I would like to bring them to see my friends and so on... we can't do that, it will hurt to love someone but not be able to live in public, I don't want to risk the pain for either of us." He explained and you nodded.

"So what can we do?"

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to continue to relax in your office with you." You began and he nodded. "I want to be able to kiss you, I want to be myself with you, I want to smoke on the bridge with you and when no one is watching I want to be held by you."

"And we can do that we can just not love each other, and give each other a relationship that's the line."

"So we can see other people?" You questioned him and he looked puzzled.

"I would prefer not, I can't stop you but I may not feel comfortable with sleeping with you if you're kissing other men." He admitted.

"I'd prefer if you weren't kissing anyone else either... Can we do this sometimes?"

"Of course dear, however not as much as either of us would like to, maybe once a month or every so often not to raise suspicions."

"But I can come see you in your office every night?"

"My door is always open for you dear."

"Can I sleep in your office?"

"Where on the desk?" He remarked in a snarky way.

"Is that where you want to fuck me?" You matched his energy y.

"Well it's not for sleeping." He winked and the grabbed your hand."Enough serious conversations, let's just live a little before we have to worry about rules. Today, exists in a world of its own, what do you want to do?" He asked with a cheery tone.

"I mean checking out that desk sounds fun but maybe before that we should enjoy London."

"I'm already enjoying it right here." Remus said stopping and pulling you in closer, putting his arms around your waist. "I think I like London." He said looking at your lips.

"Oh really." You stood on your toes to get closer to him and he leaned down and kissed you lightly.

"Alright let's go I have an idea." He said once again grabbing your hand and leading the way. You walked into a small cosy record shop. You both started looking through the shelves showing each other records you thought the other would life and either replying with a "yes" or "not my style" once the yes like became tall enough you walked over to the record played and started listening to them, there was only one pair of headphones so you had to share, bringing in your heads close as you listened to the music. "Oh listen to that trumpet." You said listening to a Chet Baker vinyl. "Do you like it?"  Remus asked and you nodded. "This is one of my favourite songs, the earnest vocals, I fall in love too terribly fast, for it to ever last..." you began to sing along to the song and Remus smiled warmly at you, he couldn't help but kiss you on the cheek. "Let's buy it." He said.

"What Remus it's quite expensive?"

"That doesn't matter today dear." He said putting it back in the vinyl sleeve and taking it to the till. "Besides there's nothing more I want to do than lay in bed with you and listen to this here vinyl." He said while paying for the vinyl, he thanked the cashier a grumpy old man who didn't seem to care about your conversation. You continued to walk through London for a bit longer but it started to get colder and you both decided it was time to head home. "Okay, we need to aparate back separately as it may be busy with people at this time." He began. "You'll go first and I'll follow, I don't want to leave you alone back here, I'm sure you'll be okay but I don't want the stress." You nodded in reply. "Okay dear, once you are back it would be a good idea for you to go to your dorm or walk around somewhere far from my office, and in about thirty minutes from now come to my office and we can continue this evening." You nodded in reply and that's when he gave you a quick kiss on the lips. "I'll see you soon my dear." He said and you left. As you walked back to Hogwarts all the emotions rushed in, the excitement, the love you felt but shouldn't, the confusion from the conversation about not falling in love. You felt very overwhelmed but you also felt so many positive emotions that you couldn't wait to go visit Remus in his office. It was weird not being able to travel back with him after you were able to spent so long acting like a couple but it made sense you just wished it could be different. You walked back to your dorm room where Percy was sitting on the chair. "Hi Y/N." He said as he saw you coming in, you didn't reply. "Still giving me the silent treatment? You know I haven't done anything wrong all I wanted to do is spend time with my friend." He continued as you walked away.

"Our dear brother causing you trouble?" Fred asked as you walked past him.

"I'm going to hex him." You replied as your turned to the girls chambers.

"Be our guest." George said before you went into your chambers. It was good that Percy saw you, helps avoid his suspicions. You waited the thirty minutes before heading straight to Lupins office, just in case you checked if Percy followed you but he didn't so you were in the clear to go meet Remus. You walked through the corridors with a hint of excitement as you approached his office, you knocked on the door and Remus opened it almost immediately. "Hey you." He said with a smile letting you in and checking behind you if anyone was in the corridor, he closed the door and turned the lock before leading the way upstairs to his office where he also locked the door after you came in. "Hungry?" He asked as you sat down on the sofa.

"More peckish."

"Perfect, I have some cheeses here and some bread."

"How fancy." You pointed out looking at the small charcuterie board he prepared.

"Only the best for you." He said as he sat down beside you, a record he already had playing way playing in the background as you both sat their indulging into the different flavours. "Thank you for joining me today." Remus suddenly changed the subject.

"Thank you for showing me everything, and for the food and the vinyls, everything." You said a bit overwhelmed by his generosity.

"Come here." He gestured for you to come in closer, you lay on the sofa with your head on his crotch and he stroked your head lovingly, slowly playing with you hair. "I love how soft you hair is." He pointed out as he continued to stoke your hair. A few minutes later the vinyl playing finished and Remus gestured for you to sit up so he could change the music. "How about we try this one out dear." He said pulling out the new Chet Baker vinyl and your heart warmed. "Anything to drink? I've got a nice bottle of wine I've been thinking about opening."

"That sounds great."

"The music or the wine?" He clarified.

"Both."

"White or red dear?" He asked while opening a cabinet.

"What do you prefer? Maybe red?"

"Red it is." He pulled the bottle out and began to open it placing two glasses on the table in front of you and filling them up. "To wonderful day." He said raising his glass as he sat down. You rested your head against his shoulder as you sat in comfortable silence.

"You know moony, I prefer this when we're allowed to cuddle on the sofa and kiss sometimes." You broke the silence.

"Me too dear." He bought his hand up to your cheek and pecked your lips slightly before going back to the resting position. "I craved this every time you sat here and I sat at my desk aching to kiss you." He admitted. This was peace, you were in your safe place.

"Are you aching to kiss me now?" You asked quietly.

"Always." He whispered into your ear placing his glass down on the small table in front of you and then taking yours to do the same for you. He leaned in to kiss you, as the kiss depended you ended up laying on the sofa. He was above you his lips and your lips colliding as you both struggled to catch a breath. You felt him getting hard as he slowly moved his body up and down over you, you reached up for his shirt unbuttoning it and pushing it off his shoulders. "You're not wasting any time." He said between the kisses. His arms moved under your ass and he scooped you up in one movement so you were now straddling him, he pulled your shirt up and unclasped your bra as you began to grind on him making him harder and harder. He pulled away from your lips to suck on your nipples, the sensation made you moan in reply he grabbed your hair and pulled it down roughly making your head tilt back as he continued to worship your body. "Let's take this somewhere more comfortable." He said lifting you up and carrying you.

"You don't want to do it on your sofa?" You asked curiously.

"Oh I do, and my desk and every wall however today I will show you how you're meant to be loved not fucked." He said while pushing the door to his bedroom open and throwing you down on his bed. He unbuttoned your trousers and pulled them off along with your underwear, getting down on his knees and kissing your legs all the way up to your pussy. His hand reached up to your breasts where he started massaging them as his tongue flicked your clit making you moan. As he continued this movement with his tongue he moved his hand to slowly slip his fingers inside you pulling in and out while starting to alternate between sucking and licking. "Merlin you're either so wet or I'm drooling like a dog over how good you taste." He went straight back in and continued until you started begging for him as you felt yourself getting close. "Beg for me again." He growled as he moved to be just above you.

"Please." You barely whispered and he smashed his lips into yours, unbuckling his own trousers and taking them off while still keeping his lips on yours. You felt him thrust inside you leaving time for you to adjust, even though you remembered his size it shocked you how deep he filled you. "Are you okay dear?" He whispered checking in on you. "Mmhm." You confirm and he picked up the speed. He kissed you while going faster and started to slowly move his kisses down to your neck and breasts. You felt yourself get close as he ramped up the speed. "Cum for me dear, I want you to feel how good I make you feel." He said kissing his breath a bit. You couldn't hold it any longer and came which made him cum in you, you felt the warmth inside you as he slowed his pace and rested more of his body weight while moaning into your lips. He kissed you deeply once more before pulling out and laying down beside you. You were both panting as you lay there, Remus moved the covers and covered both of your bodies and kissed your forehead. "Good night dear." He whispered and you placed your head on his chest hugging him as his arm was around you. "Good night, Moony."

NEXT CHAPTER | More stuff I wrote

Tags (if you aren't here but want to be leave a reply and I'll add you or DM me to get removed):

@thesoundresoundsecho @ahoyyharrington @merleisapartygod @sting-0f-ennui @starchaser-lily @ashisabitgay @livingordeadwhoknows @v0relino @evie-beanie @whotfskai @admiringyou @lily-mylove @kirubi @ghostbandghostcodghostface @rockymiles @99tech99 @almizz1 @standepechemode @lovingdilfss @artvoyager @sofacover @bubblegum9468 @spidermansolosurfav @harleyanderson2004

@kissmeunicornbaobei @marine-mayday @beelzebzb @universallyblizzardlove @liv2post @amoraneuro @xluansstuff @sizzlingthingnerd @bethsvrse @mrsgweasley

#remus lupin x reader #student x teacher #teacher! Remus Lupin #professor lupin x reader #hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry #remus lupin #the maruaders #harry potter #remus love you #secret smokes #remus lupin smut #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin imagine #the marauders #sirius orion black

[queers-gambit]

Tears in the Rain

prompt: feelings are confessed and a decision is made; the only thing left to do is heal and be okay.

pairing: Eddie Munson x female!reader

fandom masterlist: Stranger Things

word count: 8.4k

note: Eddie's 19, reader's 18+, and Chrissy's 17-18 years old. and yes - The Book of Unholy Mischief was published in 2008, but i still use a quote from it, oh well - roll with it!

warnings: Hanahaki Disease AU, cursing, unrequited love, y'all know the drill - angst! hospitals, and minor description of surgical procedure. again - angst! please proceed with maturity and caution. is this a happy ending? depends on your mental state idk anymore. ✅ no spoilers

other Eddie Munson Hanahaki Disease fics: Cherry Blossom Colored Kisses Gone with the Sin

It started in the 8th grade, spitting out bits of petals and scraping them off your tongue when nobody was looking; subtly wiping your hands on your jeans and pretending you hadn't. Your child's mind was overwhelmed and confused by the sight but figured it had to be normal, never asking any questions, because who would ever believe your symptoms?

You kept this secret to yourself like you did many others, never sharing with anyone the pain that was slowly creeping through your veins. You didn't even tell him - the boy who made your heart race and palms get sweaty. The boy who made your mind go blank and simultaneously race with thought. He's been your friend since the 1st grade, best friend since 3rd, you thought you could share anything, but after the talent show in 7th grade and you saw the way he was held hostage in his seat while watching Chrissy Cunningham do her cheer routine, you knew things couldn't stay the same.

His eyes were wide, his mouth slightly agape, and it was the first of many star-struck looks Eddie would give the strawberry blonde. A look you'll come to understand would never be directed at you.

Everything around you was changing but you refused to be left behind, so, you changed with the times; you changed with your friend. Your hair was cropped short as his grew out in unruly curls; you wore black almost everyday (like he did), you might've even learned how to play guitar so you two could have another bonding experience, and you even joined his stupid fucking Hellfire Club because you thought you could impress him with your Dungeons and Dragons knowledge that you didn't spend all summer studying over.

When you got to high school, your symptoms changed - just like you did. It wasn't fair, but you never tried to fix what was wrong; Nancy Wheeler spending hours with you in the library as you feigned a personal project you needed to research, searching for any solution. Your friend didn't know you found answers the summer before high school, the summer puberty hit you like a bullet train; the summer everything changed.

You knew something was terribly and fatally wrong yet never bothered to fix it, because why bother putting forth effort into an inevitable end? Your options were limited and neither sounded better than the last.

Option One: you succumb to your symptoms and suffocate. Two: you got a surgery to remove the blooms growing in your lungs - but it would in turn take away all known thought and memory of your beloved. And Option Three: confess your feelings and pray to any and every known God, Goddess, Deity that he would return them.

However, you worried that if he did return your affections - whether he verbalized them or not - you wouldn't be in this predicament to begin with. So, you sucked it up and kept quiet because having him as just a friend was better than forgetting him, or losing his friendship. You were never good being alone but found being alone with him was better than being by yourself. You chose to remain strong and silent, despite the way you withered away inside; you chose to stay close, even though his proximity made your heart crack. You chose to borderline torture yourself because you knew walking away would take more bravery than sticking around.

But in the words of Ellie Newmark, "Unrequited love does not die; it's only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after pay the price for the hurt done by the one who came before."

You positively refused to turn "bitter and mean", so, you plastered a smile on your face and never gave anyone reason to think anything could be wrong. You never thought there'd be anyone after him, because you were enamored with everything he did and the very idea of being in love with anyone except him drove your heart into your throat. The idea was unimaginable.

The first semester of high school, your chest got heavier with meat but also pressure, causing a terrible tightness that left you feeling as if you were breathing through a sauna; your lungs constricted with tendrils of prickling pain, and soon, those bits of petals were fully intact, giving you first sight to what was being hacked out of your body - white chrysanthemums.

After a bit of research, you discovered these particular flowers were used in European funeral bouquets - but not many others. You discovered white chrysanthemums were a symbol of death, grief, and mourning in some Asian cultures, and it did little to quell the worry in your chest.

Yet, how oddly beautiful to suffer through this; where your own body betrayed you but produce something pure, innocent even, despite being slathered with a halo of tacky blood.

However, you feared life without him and even if it meant your heart would permanently weep, you would sign yourself up for a lifetime of pain if it meant he stayed close. If it meant he stayed in your life. If his hand would continue to hold yours. If his smile would grace your sight, if those pillowy lips would form precious nicknames that always made you feel on top of the world.

You'd mourn yourself, in order to preserve and celebrate all he was.

For years, you persevered through the unimaginable pain in body and mind, and for years, you and he grew closer than ever before. In the 10th grade, things changed again - but this was only because you caught yourself about to confess your feelings for Edward Munson. Panic-inducing fear halted the words before they could slip out, and instead, it caused a violent coughing attack.

One so intense that it made you turn away from Eddie and get back in your father's car, driving away from his trailer as your palm was slathered in a slick, sticky mixture of blood and limp white petals.

You felt immense guilt when you glanced in the rearview mirror, Eddie's shocked, confused, and concerned figure standing on his porch - watching you drive away, and wondering what had gone wrong. You two had been smoking, sure, but Eddie often thought that you could smoke him under any table, any day. Maybe he had indulged you too much, and maybe your lungs and throat were going raw from it all - spurring a bud of guilt to sprout in Eddie's gut.

He didn't let you smoke going forward.

You accepted the new limitation because you couldn't handle telling him the truth. You chose to suffer for him, you chose to remain close and depend on him more than you should've. It became increasingly painful to live through your days, and to your heart-stopping fear, the pain was tenfold when you were nearest Eddie.

Eddie, who was oblivious to your pain.

Eddie, who couldn't pick up a fucking hint.

Eddie, who you've been in love with since you were a kid.

Eddie, who you spent every birthday and holiday with.

Eddie, who only ever wanted the pretty, popular head cheerleader... And not you.

Still, his friendship was better than nothing at all and you dealt with the staggering pain that soon left your limbs weak. Surely, the pain of losing him wouldn't match the pain you had now, so, you stuck it out.

You and Eddie hung out every weekend. You went to his shows at The Hideout, you helped him do his homework and study. You defended him against bullies, you'd wipe his tears, hold his hand through tattoos, you brought him new customers to up-charge his drug sales. You loved him, and you did what you could to show that without needing to verbalize it.

You laughed with him, cried, watched movies; went to concerts, checked out books in the library on how to fix automobiles to help him tune up his van. You remembered his Uncle Wayne's birthday and got him a new mug each year, you taught Eddie how to bake, you both would raid the music store and spend his drug money - and he'd always buy you a new record, even if it "wasn't real music".

Because that's what best friends did - they loved each other unconditionally.

And for years, you'd watch him stare after the pretty captain of the cheer team; her oblivious to his staring and him oblivious to yours. It was like a never-ending circle, watching the three of you idiots tiptoe around feelings and truth. Yet Eddie was focused on what was in front of him in the form of Chrissy, never bothering to ever check to see what was behind him - in the form of you.

Because you were always there. A constant presence tethered to his soul, forever being a safety net during the times he pushes himself too far.

The stake in your heart drove deeper when he'd ask your opinion on his hair - wondering if Chrissy would notice the trimmed dead ends (like you did). He'd ask you what flower was your favorite, because he wanted to impress the pretty strawberry blonde with a pretty bouquet. He asked you for a mixtape of your favorite love songs - learning a few of them on his guitar in the hopes of serenading the girl who you'd never be.

Thing was, Eddie was the only constant in your life and you felt it was impossible to walk away from him; some kind of chain keeping you from ever wondering too far. He was there from Day One, never leaving your side, and always knowing when something was wrong - until now.

When your symptoms graduated to coughing out blood daily, he didn't notice. When your chest was ready to cave in, making your breaths ragged and wheezy, he didn't notice. When your eyes became dull and lifeless due to the consistent pain that didn't let you rest through the night, he didn't notice.

What he did notice, was how Chrissy Cunningham was paying him slightly more attention since she and Jason Carver broke up. He noticed when her hair was different, he'd rave about how good she looked in the color green, gush to you in excitement when Mr. Lang had assigned them as project partners, and how Chrissy told him how funny she thought he was.

And the first day they decided to hang out together outside of educational purposes was the day you coughed out a full bloom. Floating on the surface of the water plugged in your bathroom sink was a white chrysanthemum, speckled in bright red blood; a string of red-stained saliva dripping from your mouth as you stared in shock. The face scrub popped lightly on your cheeks and fingertips, but your skincare routine was forgotten as you registered the newest symptom change.

This was new, this was much more painful. The usually beautiful flowers slowly grew in your lungs, sprouting thorns the longer you fought against your feels - refusing to admit defeat, and confess your deepest, longest kept secret.

For the following days, you were excusing yourself every single class period to retch into a toilet bowl, the blooms now sopping wet from your blood due to the shredded rawness of your throat and lungs.

Eddie didn't notice because Chrissy's perfume was still in his nostrils. Her swaying ponytail still behind his eyes. Her beaming smile painted in his mind, and fingers tingling from the ghostly memory of her hand in his.

Thorns sliced your throat, stabbed your tongue, and shredded the inside of your cheeks when you tried to spit them out as quick as possible. It was like your blood was made of glue, keeping the blooms and thorns stuck to your mouth and lips - no matter how your river of tears tried to wash them away. Or how your sobbing breath tried to force them out into the toilet - they just wouldn't budge.

Petals and flowers and thorns stuck to you, like your love for Eddie.

And Eddie didn't notice because Chrissy was wearing that skirt today, and he was telling you all about how beautiful she was instead of focusing on spending quality time with you; instead of noticing how you visibly shrunk into yourself in an effort to quell the pain throbbing in your chest and head, in an effort to block out the pain of hearing the boy you love gush about the girl he loves.

Breathing became harder, as if something were blocking your lungs. Blocking the passageway air needed to travel; blocking you out of your life. It took a physical toll; color of your eyes dulling, hair drying of any moisture, bones protruding from the harsh symptoms that refused to ease in severity. You felt fear for the first time since the 8th grade and this had all first started; trying to weigh your options over what to do.

Three options...

Eddie didn't notice your turmoil to make a decision because Chrissy agreed to a date with him.

Before you know it - years have passed since your first indication of symptoms. You prayed for deliverance, but God couldn't hear you through your gargled cries; coughing petals and blooms out between blobs of thick clots. Your pillow cases were all soiled, yet you couldn't replace them - it was futile with the way blood shot from your mouth and nose. You ran through tissues more than tampons, and your bedroom became something akin to a hospice room.

Eddie didn't notice when you dulled of life.

Being as you were now seniors, you figured showing up at Eddie's trailer in the middle of the night wasn't totally weird. After all, you both had sought refuge with the other since before you really understood what friendship meant. With worry and fear dropping your heart to your feet from the weight of your panic, you hopped in your beat up Toyota and drove through town to reach Eddie's home; used tissues scattered across the passenger seat - all saturated with blooming drops of blood.

You had no idea how to explain what was happening, but you needed to tell him. You needed help, and if there was a chance all of this could be over if you just told him the truth, you were willing to let down your walls. Eddie had always told you he'd do anything to help you, and you just banged your hands on the steering wheel as you tried to rid the idea from your mind that that, too, had changed.

When you got to Eddie's front door, the lights were on and you prayed he'd answer despite the late hour. You knocked, waited; knocked again, waited some more. After 4 minutes, you were pounding at his front door until it was shoved open - forcing you back a step - and to your horror, there stood Chrissy Cunningham... In Eddie's favorite Metallica shirt.

And only his shirt.

"Oh, hey," Chrissy smiles awkwardly, shifting her weight over her feet. Her shining strawberry blonde hair is strung off her neck in a messy bun that makes her look fucking ethereal. "Um, Eddie's in the shower... Do you want me to go get him for you?"

But the small blemish poking out from the collar of the shirt she wore made you shake your head through tears; trying to offer a small smile. "No, oh, my God, I'm so sorry, I-I didn't mean to interrupt. Shit, my bad, Chrissy," you backed away down the stairs, needing to use the railing to save yourself from falling over.

"You weren't," she assured. "We were, um... Done. H-He's in the shower, why don't you come in?" Her brows pulled together as if a string was threaded between them, offering sweetly, "I was gonna make some tea, do you want some? We could, um, hang out? Until he's out of the shower, i-if you want?"

FUCK! You knew Eddie didn't have fucking tea, so, the sweetheart must've brought it with her and now, she's offering to make you some? God damn it. Why'd she have to be so nice!?

"Oh, yeah, um, no, no thanks, Chrissy, that's really nice of you, but it's really nothing. I should just get going, I'll talk to him later, um... H-Have a nice weekend, and I'm sorry, again."

"Are you sure? You look kinda upset - I don't think you should drive right now."

Eddie didn't notice - but one look from Chrissy Cunningham and she had. If your heart wasn't broken before, it was now.

You nodded despite the pain swelling in your chest, "Yeah, no, no I'm fine - I should've just called. It's not a big deal, I'm sorry again, um, good night, Chrissy, um, yeah - just, yeah, have a nice night."

She nodded, "You, too. I hope you feel better, I'll tell Eddie you stopped by."

You trusted that she would, returning home and with petals still sticking to your tongue, charged into your mother's room. She sat up in her bed in shock - late night shifts taking their toll and leaving her sleep deprived. This was her first weekend off in months, and you felt terrible for interrupting her, but you couldn't hold it in anymore.

You needed your mother. You needed her more than ever before because your fear was tangible, and you weren't ready to die.

See, thing is, your mother was borderline your best friend (besides Eddie, that is). She and your father had been high school sweethearts, married, and he died in a tragic car accident on the night your mother was going to tell him she was pregnant on their first wedding anniversary. She never dated, she never brought a man home, she only focused on you. When you got older, she figured she could work more and you were happy to support her; taking up more house chores to save her from any unnecessary stress.

It was just you and your mother... Until Eddie, then, he was a constant presences at your dinner table. He had his own Christmas stocking your mother knitted. His favorite snacks kept in a stocked up supply for whenever he chooses to visit. And you and your mother would spend an entire day baking a cake for his birthday before hosting a full meal for him and his Uncle Wayne.

Your mother never had an issue with doing any of that because she was grateful for Eddie being in your life. It made her feel as if you'd never be alone.

However, you now felt like a burden, but the moment your mother clocked your tears and trembling hands clutching bloody tissues, she was beckoning you to her chest and begging you to tell her what was wrong as she rocked you soothingly.

So, you confessed. Everything.

From that night in 7th grade when you saw Eddie mesmerized by Chrissy Cunningham for the first time. That being the night you coughed out petals... And how everything changed and got worse from there on, and you didn't understand what was wrong, why you were suffering.

You told her about how you were now coughing out the full thorny blooms, how the bleeding wouldn't stop; how the pain was festering, spreading, and suffocating your heart, mind, and soul.

You told her about tonight... What you saw... How nice the cheerleader had been, how you couldn't find it in your heart to hate her, and how you didn't know what to do anymore.

You told her how Eddie didn't notice anymore - he couldn't see you - because he could only see Chrissy, and it was slowly killing you.

It took all night to explain, and your mother sat you at the kitchen table. She made you hot tea and plated a few cookies - talking well through the night and into the morning. She wanted to understand everything and as the sun breached the horizon, she was encouraging you to tell Eddie how you felt after reading the same book you had that explained the disease you suffered from.

You told her she was crazy, but she begged you to at least try. She validated that you had the right idea in going to his trailer; she thought that you and Eddie had always been cute, that you'd make a great couple; and though your sense of style had changed again (after it didn't get Eddie's attention, like you'd hoped), she still thought you two complimented each other well. "You balance each other, my dove," she whispered. "Tell him. Please, for your own sake."

So, you bucked up the courage to tell him on Monday. You'd see him at school and couldn't back down, leaving it neutral grounds for you both to be honest and open in. Or, so you hoped.

That morning, you caught Eddie before he could enter the school and asked to talk to him. "Shit, I meant to call you, doll," he breathed, looking at you with concern. "Chrissy said you were upset and showed up at my door - are you okay? What was wrong? I'm sorry I wasn't there."

So, when Chrissy points it out, he pays attention. Instead, you just answered, "It's okay, I'm okay. Um, c-can we go talk? Privately?"

"Of course, yeah, c'mon," he agreed, leading you to the lesser-populated hallway to slip into the old drama classroom that now posed as the Hellfire Club room. Eddie sat on his throne but leaned forward on his knees to hold your hands as you took time to think over in your mind what you wanted to say.

"Eddie," you whispered. "I-I just really need to tell you something, and you have to promise not to hate me after."

He nodded, "I could never hate you, pretty girl, and you know you can tell me anything."

"Right," you sniffled. "Well, um, listen, I just want you to know that I-I value this friendship more than anything, and never want to jeopardize it..."

"Okay, now you're scaring me," Eddie chuckled. His hands squeezed yours, encouraging, "C'mon, sweetheart, what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

You nodded, blurting, "I'm in love with you."

Only the silence stretched between you two like an oversized bubble of Hubba Bubba - popping as your words registered in his mind. His eyes just shot between both of yours, mouth opening to form a word before sighing and shaking his head. Panic and fear gripped your heart, lungs, and mind in a tighter vice than the white chrysanthemums' roots.

"You can't be," he finally whispered brokenly.

A record scratched in your head, "What?"

"You can't be in love with me," his head shook as he repeated his statement. "No, no, you - you can't be."

"Why can't I be? Is it that hard to imagine?"

"Because you're my best friend - you're supposed to be my best friend!" He looked spooked, startled, unsure, and like he was going to have an anxiety attack. "You can't be in love with me, you're just - no!"

"Well, I didn't exactly plan it."

"Just - stop!"

"Stop what?"

"Stop loving me!"

"You don't think I've tried!?"

"Try harder!"

"For fuck's sake, Eddie! You don't think this is hard enough?"

"Well, it'd be easier if you had some kind of restraint!" He snipped, wiping a hand down his mouth. "Shit, I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do about this?"

"I-I don't know!"

"Well, why tell me?"

You gulped, fearing telling him the truth now. Instead, you just whispered, "I-I take it you don't feel the same?"

"Shit, sweetheart," he sniffled, shaking his head, "y-you know I love you but... But no, I-I'm not in love with you."

You nod slowly, blinking even slower, "No?"

"I'm so sorry - fuck, God damn it."

"It's not your fault," you promised. "I-I didn't mean for this to happen, okay? I swear, I didn't want to do this, I never wanted things to change between us."

He nodded sadly, "I get that, I do, but I think I need time to think."

"Wait, what? Think about what, Eddie? L-Like - you need to think about us? You need time to think about us?" You squeaked, panic swelling. You started to cough lightly, that sticky feeling clogging your throat again.

"Yeah," he whispered. "Because I'm with Chrissy and I don't think she would like... This."

Now you understood... "So, because you're dating Chrissy, you can't be friends with me? We've been friends forever, Eddie, why does this have to change things?"

"Because you're in love with me! I didn't want you to be, you were supposed to be my friend. Just my friend!"

"I'm sorry it happened, but why does this mean we can't still be friends? I've dealt with it this long, I can go longer - "

"Because I'm in love with Chrissy, and can't do this to her! For fuck's sake, why'd you have to do this, huh? Why'd you have to fall in love with me right when I got a girlfriend - "

"It didn't just happen, Eddie, I've been in-love with you since middle school! But notice how we stayed friends! Please - please, we can stay friends, this doesn't have to change anything."

He shook his head, standing abruptly, "It changes everything. I gotta go - I just can't be here, I'm sorry."

"Eddie! Please! Wait, just wait, please, let me explain!" You begged, watching him flee the room; the door slamming in an echo around you and forcing the tears teetering in your waterline to fall pathetically. You felt your heart nailing you to the floor, tears falling numbly down your cheeks; hands shaking and coughing getting worse. Your hands finally found feeling again and rose, covering your mouth and nose to catch the splatter.

You hacked as your lungs shriveled to expel whatever clogged them, falling to your knees and needed to use two fingers to reach in the back of your throat to pull a full floral bloom out; blood dripping off of it and from your mouth to soak into the old, dingy carpet. The thorns pierced your finger pads when you rolled the short stem between them, the flower falling into the puddle of blood you'd spat out.

Stumbling to your feet, you kept a tissue in hand and covering your mouth; the material slowly saturating as you punched your mother's number in the outside payphone.

"Mom?" You begged into the receiver, wheezing and sobbing through the pain. Everything had changed, again. "I-I need you to take me to the hospital. Please, Mommy, i-it's hurts. 'S blood everywhere, an-and the pain - Mommy, please, it hurts so bad."

Your mother was pulling up in a skidding halt within 6 minutes. Her rubber tires burned over the pavement, slight smoke wafting into the air to indicate not just her speed, but her harsh stop when she saw your body bolting towards her.

From the side of the school, moments before the first bell rang, Robin Buckley and Nancy Wheeler watched you fully sprint for the car and how fast your mother pulled off, sharing an uneasy look before darting for the same payphone and calling Steve Harrington.

But they couldn't find you all over town, opting to wait at your house instead. They only waited for about an hour before your mother's car was pulling into the driveway.

"You gonna tell them?" Your mom muttered, smiling and waving at the three teenagers.

"Yeah," you whispered. "Doctors said keeping it a secret doesn't make it easier, right?"

She nodded, "For whatever it's worth, my dove, I think you're making the right decision. This took a lot of bravery, but you're going to get better, and you're going to feel better, too."

"I know," you whispered with a watery smile. "Just gonna suck until Thursday."

"I'll call the school, you're gonna be out for recovery for at least 2 weeks."

"Don't forget my post-op appointment," you nodded.

"Right," she agreed, opening her door and triggering you to follow suit. "Hey, kids," she beamed at your worried friends.

They greeted her politely (but enthusiastically) before she was excusing herself and heading for the house. It left you to stand before the three people, who, up until a few years ago, you wouldn't have imagined being real friends with.

Technically, you and Nancy Wheeler had been friends since before Eddie; Robin and Steve coming into your life through inter-dimensional circumstances before choosing to stick around.

"Are you okay?" Nancy asked first, looking the most worried. "We saw you running from school and thought something was wrong."

"So, you blew off school to stalk my house?" you teased lightly, trying to alleviate the pain settling on your heart after leaving the hospital.

"Exactly," Robin crossed her arms. "You ran like something was chasing you - we knew something was wrong. What is it? A-Are you okay? I mean, you looked pretty spooked, we were afraid something else came back - you know - "

"Okay, Robin, yeah," you chuckled lightly, interrupting her rapid words. "Um, I appreciate the concern, but it could've waited."

"Not when you've been acting funny for months now," Nancy shook her head. "Don't think we haven't noticed; you're skinnier, you look like you haven't slept in weeks, you carry tissues around like you're paid for it... What's up with you?"

"And I've clocked the constant nose bleeds," Steve nodded, arms folding against his chest. "Look, if something's going on, you're going to need friends through it, and we're willing to take on the job."

Your heart swelled slightly and you nodded, blinking quickly to keep the tears down. "Um, yeah... Yeah," you sniffled, looking up at them as the emotion couldn't be kept out of your voice, "something's going on, and um... I-I think I would like to tell you guys about it. Do you mind waiting in the backyard? I've gotta grab a book from inside, trust me, it can explain some things better than I can."

Nancy looked nervous as her fingers twisted together; Robin nodding before nudging her along. Steve shifted on his feet and dropped his arms, clearing his throat, "You sure?"

"Yeah," you nodded with a whisper. "Just hang tight."

He nodded with crinkled brows of concern, heading off behind the two girls as you bolted for the front door. Your mother was heard in her room, on the phone, and you dropped your school bag on your bed, snatched up the library book you checked out every year, and made for your backyard.

As kids, you and Nancy loved hanging out here because it was spacious, and your mother had a beautiful garden with patio furniture nestled amongst the greenery. At the white-washed table, Steve, Nancy, and Robin waited together, muttering quietly, and left you to take your seat.

Sighing, you opened the book and slid it forward; Nancy's hands darting to pick it up and read swiftly as you began your tale. After voicing everything to your mother, you had a better idea of how to word it all; starting with when you realized you had a crush on Eddie in the 5th grade, how it festered in middle school, and when you realized you'd only be friends - so, you kept it that way.

You told them about the tiny bits of torn up petals, then how they became intact. Next, you explained how things got worse for you; blooms being coughed out with blood, how Eddie crushed majorly on Chrissy, and then to how everything hit rock bottom.

You explained the petals changed into full blooms, sprouting thorns as you stuffed your feelings deeper inside your cracked heart. You explained the constant pain, the confusion, the sleeplessness, showed them the cuts on your lips and in your mouth; even picking a leftover petal from the inside of your cheek to prove your point.

Steve's hand deftly reached out to examine it.

You explained the mental anguish of loving someone who couldn't love you back; the anguish of being so close - yet so far; and the anguish of knowing you were being killed from the inside, out because you couldn't let go of your overwhelming feelings for Eddie 'the Freak' Munson.

Then... You told them about Chrissy and Eddie at his trailer when you went to tell him the truth. How you confided in your mother for the first time in years. How you were encouraged to tell Eddie - and how it royally backfired, which lead you to today.

To your decision.

To your appointment at the hospital that your mother bullied administration into giving you last minute.

To meeting the cardiothoracic surgeon that diagnosed you with, as the library book highlighted, Hanahaki Disease.

Steve had tears in his eyes; elbows bent on the tabletop to keep his folded hands in front of his mouth, like he was physically suppressing his emotion with the petal laid to the table. Robin stared at you the whole time, never once making you feel as if you were talking to thin air; brows crinkled and perked at appropriate moments, never interrupting.

Nancy had read the entire passage before slamming the book down and letting her tears fall. She listened intently as you explained to the three that you had to choose one of three options, and immediately after that, you told them you had come to a decision.

You'd made the appointment and you were to under the knife that Thursday before returning in two weeks for a post-op check-up that would ensure all of the blooms were cleared from your lungs. And after today, you had discovered the plants were creeping up your esophagus and if you waited, soon, it would kill you.

"Well, why're you upset?" Robin asked gently, reaching for your hand. "This is good, right? Y-You'll be cured!"

You nodded in agreement, but it was Nancy voicing, "She'll forget Eddie completely."

"What?" Steve asked, looking between you and Nancy urgently. "Are you serious?"

"It's the only contingency in exchange for my life," you nodded.

"You've been friends forever," he shook his head, leaning back. "No, I just - I can't believe him. He doesn't love you back? That's just bullshit - c'mon!"

"Steve - "

"No, seriously!" he cut Robin off, her hand tightening in mine. "We've all seen how he looks at you, how he behaves! It doesn't make sense, it's not possible. He's just scared," his head shook still, looking angry with pinched brows. "He's scared and he's not thinking."

"No, Stevie," you whispered, "he understands, and trust me, he doesn't feel the same. It's okay."

"You'll forget your best friend," Steve shook his head. "That's not okay."

"It's a small price to pay, right?"

Nancy nodded, "If it means you're out of pain, and you won't die, yeah, I'd say it's a reasonable price to pay."

You agreed, "It's gonna be okay, but I'll be in recovery until the surgeon okay's me to return to school and normal activity."

"Will you remember why you need the surgery?" Robin wondered.

"Apparently not," you shrugged.

For the next few days, you remained at home and prepared for your operation. Your mother worked extra shifts because she was taking Thursday through TBD in order to take care of you, and your friends visited you everyday.

Nobody spoke of Eddie, who had asked Robin that Wednesday where you were - only to receive a fierce glare and slammed locker in his face. Chrissy's brows furrowed at the aggression, worrying something was wrong with you if your friends were shunning Eddie. She reminded him of how upset you'd been when you showed up at his trailer, his mind flashing to when he found a bloodied white chrysanthemum in the Hellfire room after he left you when you confessed your feelings for him.

He knew that was why you showed up at his trailer that night, and his heart constricted as he grew cold in your absence. He had to admit, if you've had these feelings since middle school, you never let it interfere with your friendship and he was a fool for blowing up at you.

Could it really be that hard to love you? Was the idea that far fetched?

The day of your surgery, your mother and you pushed out of your front door at 4 am to make it to the hospital for pre-op; blood work; all the standard procedures that needed done before you were sliced open and roots carved out of your lungs. And to your honest shock? Steve Harrington was waiting on the street, leaning on his car, dressed in a pair of jeans and an old hoodie.

"What're you doing here?" You wondered, oblivious to your mother's knowing smirk.

Steve shrugged lightly, "Figured you'd want a familiar face around, and Nance and Robin have tests in school today - otherwise, they'd be here, too."

"'Too'?" You repeated with a soft smile.

"Yeah, well, I-I'd still be here," he nodded. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah," you breathed, nodding with a soft smile. "I think I'd really appreciate the, um..."

"Support? Comfort? Seeing my pretty face when you wake up from anesthesia?" He grinned.

"All of the above, Harrington, c'mon," you chuckled, waving him with you. In your mother's car, she kept conversation light as a distraction when your nerves flared the closer you drove to the hospital; the boy in the back doing his best to chime in charmingly. Steve was allowed to stay with you once in the pre-op procedure room (again, your mother bullied hospital admin into letting him stay), and cracked a few really poor jokes while needles were poked into your skin.

Medicine was administered, your hair stuffed into a surgical cap, vitals taken for a final time - and then it was time to go.

When you were wheeled away, Steve squeezed your hand and your mother kissed your forehead; both wishing you luck, reminding you of your brave decision, and sent you down the sterile hallway. While staring up at the blinding, florescent lights of the operating room, a gas mask was placed over your mouth and the anesthesiologist instructing you to count backward from ten... And your heart begged you to change your mind.

Begged you not to erase Eddie. Begged you to jump off that table.

But your mind told only your tongue to move, and you counted, "Ten."

Eddie's soft hair through your fingers, "Nine."

Eddie's stupid grin when he's showing you a new guitar riff he'd mastered, "Eight."

Eddie's laugh, "Seven."

The warmth of Eddie's hugs, "Six."

His hands holding your cheeks, thumbs sweeping to clear your tears as he would coo to you, trying to calm you down, "...Five..."

"She's out," the doctors nodded to one another; scalpels clinking over the sterile table, machines beeping to indicate vital readings, and rubber gloves snapped into place as your hospital gown was peeled away, and disinfecting betadine squirted over your skin.

Across town, in the hallways of Hawkins High, Eddie was pacing by your locker. He looked disheveled, not himself; confused and scared, by what Robin could judge.

"What're you doing here?" she shot venomously, using her hand to push his chest and force him back a step from your locker.

"Where is she?" he begged. "Please, Robin, I know she's hurt - I know I hurt her, but I have to talk to her an-and she hasn't been at school all week. Please - I have to talk to her."

She used your combination to open your locker and set the packet of missed work inside for her to pick up at the end of the day, sneering, "It's too late."

"No, it's not - "

"No, seriously, Eddie," she snapped, the locker slamming in an echo. "It's too late for you. She's let you go, time for you to do the same."

For two weeks, Eddie repeated the last words he'd said to you, how broken you looked when he said he didn't love you. The words you said to him, then how you weren't seen again, to that bloody flower he found, and how Robin, Nancy, and Steve were all giving him the cold shoulder. He thought over what went wrong and every single way he was going to make it up to you, because while he might be in love with Chrissy Cunningham, there was never replacing you - and he needed you.

Eddie needed you.

And his heart sunk to his stomach as he realized how bitter he's turned; shunning Chrissy, becoming testy, canceling Hellfire, and missing you to the point he was tugging his hair out of his scalp and chain smoking cigarettes.

Loving you was easy and maybe he's loved you longer than he's known - longer than he ever wanted to admit. But missing you was hard, and Eddie wasn't accustomed to it.

It was supposed to be easy between you two, but when you confessed your feelings, Eddie felt everything become messy and change. Eddie Munson wasn't very good with change. He missed your laugh, he missed your comfort, a few times he'd even looked up to his bed when he mastered a new guitar riff - and feeling his heart sink in disappointment when he only saw Chrissy.

Granted, she was smiling at him, but it wasn't your smile. Tears filled his eyes when he realized he spent every Friday with Chrissy, finding new ways to impress the cheerleader, and feeling crushed when he remembered he never needed to impress you. You were always proud of him, you always encouraged him, and with a single look, you could say more than ever opening your mouth.

Eddie needed you, and he had ruined any chance of loving you properly. But Edward Munson was stubborn and not willing to give up, not until you were beating him off with a stick. The two of you had been friends forever and he knew you had some fights, but one way or another, someone was always apologizing and together, you could move past the issue. So, until you were telling him to fuck off, he was going to try - because you had never given up on him.

Two weeks of nothing. Two weeks of your home's voicemail. Two weeks of nobody answering the front door. Two weeks of confusion, heartache, and stress. Two weeks of smoking packs of cigarettes, of snapping at Chrissy, of praying to a God he's never prayed to before.

When he saw you that Friday, Eddie's heart leapt into his throat and he gave a strangled gasp before sprinting across the carpark to make it to your side. You were surrounded by Nancy Wheeler and Robin Buckley, all three piling out of Steve Harrington's car - who now leaned on his driver's door, mid-conversation - and he thought you looked more beautiful than ever.

The weight you've lost had slowly built back up now that you weren't constantly vomiting. Your head had cleared, your heart feeling lighter than ever before, your veins racing with helium, and the bags under your eyes had cleared. In fact, your eyes looked clearer than they ever had, and your skin was practically glowing.

God did you look good.

Eddie panted your name, coming to a skidding halt as Steve pushed off his car and looked at you with worry.

Why would Harrington need to worry about you?

"Oh, uh, hi there?" you nodded at him, tugging your binder closer to your chest and sending a cautious look to Robin.

But Eddie's heart was in his throat, "I-I need to talk to you, please."

To his horror, you shook your head, "Um, I don't think we actually have anything to talk about."

"What? No, we have so much to discuss, please, I know I was a jackass and you don't deserve that - "

"Wait, hang on, I-I'm sorry. You don't understand, we don't have anything to talk about," you chuckled weakly, "because I don't know you."

Ice shot into Eddie's veins, stuttering, "W-What? Th-That's not funny, doll, don't joke like that."

You looked at Nancy for support, whispering in a small, panicked voice, "I don't know him, do I, Nance? I don't think I know him."

"No, honey," Nancy assured, smiling softly at you before glaring at Eddie. "He's just a classmate."

Eddie knew Nancy was protective of you but what the hell was going on? What kind of a sick prank was this? Look, Eddie knew he's pulled some mean jokes in his life but this? This wasn't mean, it was cruel, and he didn't find it funny in the least bit.

"What? No - what the hell are you guys talking about?" Eddie begged, looking between the four teenagers. "Sweetheart, it's me - it's Eddie. It's your Eddie, please, what do you mean you don't know me - what's going on? This isn't funny, sweetheart, please, okay? Look, we've known each other a decade, right, how can you - how can you not know me?"

"I'm really sorry, um... Eddie? Was it Eddie?"

His heart shattered, shards stinging as they were pumped through the rest of his body. "Sweetheart, no, please, I just... I'm so sorry, but this isn't funny - "

"Look, I'm really sorry, but this isn't a joke, I really don't know you," your head shook. "And I would remember someone I've known a decade - right?" You asked Nancy again, looking nervous. "I-I don't know him, but he knows me. Nancy, I-I don't understand, I don't know what's wrong. Is something wrong with me?"

"No, honey," she rushed to speak, sending Steve a pointed look when stress made your eyes shine. "You're okay, you're okay, it's okay."

"Okay, hey, hey, hey, okay," Steve stepped in, pushing Eddie back a few steps. "You need to back off, you're upsetting her."

"I'm upsetting her?" he repeated, tears collecting as his feet tried to plant against Steve's force. "She doesn't remember me - "

"Back off, dude," Steve warned.

"I'm really sorry," you called to him, genuine look of distorted pain over your face. "I'm sorry," you repeated to Robin and Nancy, "I-I don't know him, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I-I don't know what's wrong, I'm sorry - "

"Hey, hey, breathe, okay? It's all fine, it's all good, you're okay, I promise, just try to focus on breathing," Robin assured, hand rubbing circles over your back.

"No! Baby! You do know me!" Eddie begged over Steve's shoulder as Nancy turned you away. "Please! No! You know me, baby! Don't do this, please, please, I need you! Sweetheart - please! I need you, and I'm so sorry for what I said! Don't do this! No, please, I-I'm sorry!"

His heart glued itself back together just to shatter once again when Robin took your books to let your hands slap over your ears to block him out as Nancy directed you away - Steve still pushing Eddie back.

"Dude!" Steve snapped with anger coloring his iris' a darker shade, "You're fucking upsetting her!"

"Steve, please - "

"No," Steve shook his head. "You had your chance, and it's too late. Okay? Leave her alone, she doesn't remember and doesn't need you trying to 'remind' her when it's already done, dude. Okay? It's done."

"What the hell does that mean? Please, Steve, I need her - she's my best friend and I can fix this," Eddie begged.

Steve felt fleeting compassion for the other boy, seeing the distress and heartbreak over his face. Steve sighed, glancing back to see you being spoken to softly by Nancy and Robin, assuring you it was okay not to remember the boy with long hair, before turning to look into the eyes that had broken your heart on too many occasions.

"She doesn't remember because you were removed from her memory, Ed, you were just... All of you was removed from her, okay?" Steve sighed finally. "Look, it's hard to explain, but do yourself and her a favor?"

"Anything."

"Go to the library and look this up," he pulled a torn piece of paper from his pocket, handing it over. "It'll explain what was wrong, and you should hopefully be able to piece together why she can't remember you. Don't make this harder, all right? She's finally okay, and you were so sure you didn't want her that it's time for you to be okay without her, too. Don't do this to her, man, you get me?"

"What did I do?" Eddie whispered.

Steve gulped, shaking his head, "You couldn't love her back."

Eddie stood there, piece of paper clutched in his fingertips like the petal of a flower, as Steve turned and headed for you three girls. He lifted his arm to bring you in for a side hug, assuring you that it was okay not to remember - while Eddie stood there, like you had so many times, watching with tears and heartbreak in his eyes.

He didn't go to classes, he obsessively searched books for the Hanahaki Disease Steve told him about; finding his answers, and never finding peace. He had to live everyday watching you really bloom into your own person; becoming more radiant by the passing second, realizing he was draining you of your life before, and how there wouldn't ever be room for him with you now.

When you graduated with an acceptance to your first choice college, you returned home in your cap and gown with a giggling Robin and Nancy; planning on changing and getting ready to hit a few grad parties already. The girls were so excited that you were feeling (and looking) better now that they didn't want to waste anymore time and insisted you all hit a few parties. However, before you could hop up the stairs to your room, a large bouquet of flowers caught your attention.

Sat on your kitchen counter was a thick bouquet of white chrysanthemums. There was no note, no signature, but something in your gut twisted with knowledge. Your fingers reached out to gently stroke the petals before smiling lightly, leaning in to sniff them, and then turn for the stairs to rush up to your bedroom.

All the while across town, a long haired metalhead in a matching green cap and gown, tipped a bottle of Irish whiskey to his lips; a single stemmed white chrysanthemum rolled between his fingers; old polaroid photos scattered around his body on the floor, tears sliding down his cheeks, and regret echoing across his mind.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson drabble #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson angst #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fics #eddie munson fic #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things x reader #stranger things 4 #stranger things season 4 #requests open

[whyanne4]

Memories

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Verstappen! Reader

Part: 1/2

Category: angst

Summary: After months of sneaking around with your brothers biggest rival, Charles, you to end your relationship in order to protect both yourself and him from the medias praying eyes.

Right person, wrong situation. Loosely based on Conan Gray’s song: Memories. and Illicit affairs by Taylor Swift.

Masterlist

“Charles stop, we can't do this anymore.” You said as you felt the brunette slip his arms around your waist and kiss your neck gently. The warmth of his touch sent a shiver down your spine.

“Why not Y/N?” He whined into your neck.

“Charles I’m serious, stop. What if Max finds out?” You asked as you untangle yourself from his embrace.

“I don’t care.” Charles said defiantly, stepping back a bit.

​​"Well, I do. Max is my brother, and if he finds out about us, it'll ruin everything," you declared, stepping away and plopping down on the couch in his driver's room and in your mind all you could think of was all of the time you’d spent with Charles on that very same couch. How he’d kissed you and told you you were the most beautiful girl in the world.

You had met Charles through Max, your older brother and fellow F1 driver. The two of them were fierce rivals on the track. And you knew that if Max ever found out about your secret relationship with Charles, it would not only strain their relationship but also create chaos in the F1 media.

Last season, when you started attending more races and spending time with Max's team, you and Charles had found yourselves drawn to each other. It was effortless, like two pieces of a puzzle fitting perfectly together. You had tried to resist the temptation, knowing the potential consequences, but love has a way of breaking down walls.

The months that followed were filled with stolen glances, secret rendezvous, and stolen kisses. Every moment with Charles felt like a dream, and you knew that what you shared was special and rare. Everything was perfect. He was perfect, he still is but the fear of Max's reaction and the media scrutiny always lurked in the back of your mind. 

You both had agreed to keep your relationship a secret, knowing that the repercussions of being discovered would be severe. But as time passed, it became harder to hide your feelings for each other. The thrill of the forbidden love mixed with the danger of being caught was intoxicating, but you knew it couldn't go on forever.

You know that it would be terrible for Charless image if the media found out. You were 4 years younger than him and you know that the people on twitter would be having a field day if your relationship ever got out.

So you never told anyone. Not Max, not your friends, nobody. Your relationship was a well kept secret. Sneaking out to see him at his apartment in Monaco or in his drivers room. Secret vacations to foreign countries. Hotel rooms under fake names. Think of anything forbidden and the two of you’ve done it. During those months of sneaking around both you and Charles fell hard for one another.

Those months were probably the best months of your life. He was the perfect guy for you and you hope that you were the perfect girl for him. The love you shared was something out of a fairytale and you knew that it was one for the ages. The kind of love only a few lucky ones get to experience during their lifetime.

But the reality of your situation was inescapable. You knew getting involved with him was a bad idea so you’d broken everything off three months ago. You knew it was the right decision. Trying to maintain your secret relationship would only lead to heartbreak and trouble.

Yet, the heart wants what it wants, and when you saw each other again for the first time since the split at this weekend's Grand Prix, he pulled you into his driver’s room like so many times before. You tried to resist, but your connection was too strong to ignore. One thing led to another and suddenly you were being pushed against a wall with his lips on yours before you came to your senses. Which leds to where you are right now:

“Y/N please listen to me.” Charles begged as he followed you and sat down on the couch beside you. You looked into his gorgeous emerald green eyes like you had a million times before.

“Charles, please don’t.” You tried with him but he wouldn’t let you finish.

“No! I don’t want to stop loving you. You are the one for me and I don’t want to spend my life with anyone else.” He confessed wholeheartedly. You felt the tears start to form in your eyes.

"Charles, please, we can't keep doing this," you said, tears forming in your eyes. "I love you, but we're only hurting ourselves by continuing like this. You knew getting into this that it wouldn’t last. However much I want to, we can never be.” You reasoned with him.

“I don’t care. Y/N you are the love of my life. We can make it work. We don’t have to tell anyone if that's what you want. Or we can tell everyone. Whatever you want.” He pleaded with you. “Or if you don’t want that I can quit F1 and we can run away together. We can get a secret house together in the countryside of France and start a family together or something, anything. I would give you everything I have in a heartbeat. Please just don’t give up on this Y/N. Don’t give up on us.” He started crying quietly and so did you. 

“Charles, you know that wouldn’t work. Our families would find out eventually and so would the media. You will be bashed for dating me and your relationship with Max will be ruined.” You pleaded with him.

“I don't care. Y/N, you are the love of my life. We can make it work. We don't have to tell anyone if that's what you want. We can keep it a secret until the time is right,” he pleaded, holding her hand in his.

“Charles, it's not just about the secrecy. It's about our families, Max's feelings, and the media. It's about everything. As much as I love you, I can't put everyone else through that,” she said, her voice filled with sadness.

“So, you think what we had was nothing?” he was rightfully upset, but you didn’t know what else to tell him, he clearly wouldn’t go down without a fight.

“Please, Charles. This is hard enough as it is. Don’t make it harder than it already is okay. I know that one day you’ll find an amazing girl who will steal your heart and whom you will love 10 times more than me.” You put your hand on his cheek and felt his tears hit your thumb.

“That’s not possible, baby. I don’t want anyone else. We can make it work, please, you’re the one for me. I know it. I’ll never love anyone as much as I love you.” Charles pleaded.

“I love you too, Charles, so much.” You confessed to him. Even if you knew it wouldn’t help the situation at all. You felt the need to let him know that the feelings were not one sided. You loved this man with all your heart and if the circumstances were different, if you his rivals younger sister and if he wasn’t an F1 driver with the whole world watching his every move: You would probably get married, have a couple of kids and then grow old together. You would have the whole white picket-fence dream. But instead you were trapped in this situation and all you could do was try to let him go even if it was hard. 

“See, you love me too. Y/N, I promise that things will work out.” He took your hand in his and caressed your palm gently with his thumb. His touch felt so familiar and you just wanted to let all your walls down and let him love you, let yourself love him. But you knew you couldn’t.

“Charles, as much as I want that, it’s just make-believe. It will never work out the way we want to and everyone will be hurt in the end, honey.” You felt the nickname slip from your lips before you could stop it. It was what you called him all throughout your secret rendezvous and the simple word held so much meaning for both of you.

“I know that, baby. I just don’t want to let you go. You’re my favorite person in the whole world. I don’t know how I will ever move on from you.”  He seemed to finally give in and as much as it broke your heart you felt relief that he understood and didn’t argue more with you.

“I know it’s hard, honey. Which is why we can’t keep going back to each other from now on, okay? We can’t find an end to something that we keep beginning over and over again. From now on, I can’t be your friend or your lover, Charles. As much as it kills me inside I can’t hold you back from falling in love with somebody else.” You knew your words were harsh but you really needed to put an end to this here and now.

“I understand.” He put both of his hands on your cheeks and met your gaze. Both of your eyes were red from crying and held so many emotions and so much love for one another. “You’ll always be my person, no matter what happens or who I meet. If you ever change your mind I’ll be there for you with open arms no matter what. You’ll always have a piece of my heart Y/N. Please take care of it.”

“I will, I promise.” You vowed to him, your voice cracking as you tried to speak through your tears. “If things were different..” You tried to explain.

“Shh… Don’t worry about it, baby. You don’t have to explain.” He cut you off. “I’m not mad at you, I could never be mad at you.” 

Silence followed as both of you gazed into each other's eyes, trying to savor your last moments together as a couple before all you had left were the memories of better times.

“Can I kiss you one last time?” He asked quietly as if he was afraid of shattering the moment.

“Yes.” Was all you could say before his lips met yours in one final, heart shattering kiss. Your tears mixed as they ran down both of your cheeks. His hands were still on your cheeks and you felt him pushing your face closer to his. You pulled away for air and he did the same. 

“I’ll always love you, Charles.” You finally broke the silence.

“I’ll always love you too.” He said and you felt his soft hands leave your tear stained cheeks for the last time before he kissed your forehead and let go of you. You exited his driver’s room, heartbroken with only the memories of him left.

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x reader angst #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc angst #charles leclerc sad fic #charles leclerc x y/n #charles leclerc fic #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x reader sad #charles leclerc one shot #brother! max verstappen x reader #charles leclerc fanfic #formula one #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #formula 1 #f1

[blueraineshadows]

Breathless

Farmer!Garreth x F!MC

8.6k words. Tags: NSFW / smut / loads of fluff / breeding kink unlocked / flirting / sexual tension

The sun was warm on his back as Garreth sat down on a log, pulled a small tin from his cloth bag, and opened it. He lifted out his sandwich and took a large bite, crumbs sprinkling over his lap that he brushed away with a grubby hand. A curious nose snuffled at his thigh, investigating the crumbs in case a piece of ham had fallen out too. Garreth smirked and scratched his beloved dog behind the ear and spoke around a mouthful of bread and ham. 

“None for you, mate,” he said affectionately. “I'm starving after hauling all those hay bales this morning. This is all mine.” 

Big, brown eyes looked up at him hopefully, and Garreth patted the spaniel on the head, his fingers soothing the silken fur as he took another bite of his sandwich. But Rusty had other ideas. His ears perked up, and he stood, tail wagging happily before he took off down the trail, barking excitedly. 

“Rusty!” 

Garreth saw who Rusty was running for, and his heart began to beat a bit faster behind his ribs. He chewed faster, swallowing a huge chunk of sandwich as he brushed the crumbs from his mouth and legs. 

It was her. 

Childhood friend, expert tormentor, and utterly beautiful. MC was a girl who lived in the village, about a mile from the Weasley farm, and Garreth couldn't imagine life without her. She came nearly every day to help out with the animals and chat with Ma. Her own mother passed away when she was a child, and she had become an honorary Weasley, always around the farm or in the house with the boys as they grew up.

She was a Muggle, through and through, but she knew about their magic. She kept their secret, delighted with their magical abilities but loyal to the bone when it came to their talents. Her only regret had been when he and his siblings had all gone off to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. MC had missed them terribly, but being here at the farm had kept her busy. 

It was no trouble for Garreth to admit that coming home for school holidays had meant coming home to her. He didn't care that his brothers teased him about it, poking fun about his little crush on her. Garreth didn't care. He'd tell anyone. MC had always been the prettiest girl he knew, and he'd hex anyone who dared say otherwise. As adults, his feelings hadn’t changed. In fact, they had merely grown stronger.

“You're a bit late today, aren't you?” He called out to her, grinning as Rusty bounced around her legs, tail wagging. 

MC was making a fuss of the dog, laughing at his little leaps as she headed closer towards Garreth, her braided hair over one shoulder with loose strands teasing on the breeze around her face. 

“Keeping an eye on my timing now, Garreth?” She asked, eyes glinting with mischief as she eyed him sitting on the log. “You weren't waiting for me, were you?” 

“Of course,” he smiled charmingly. “You know I'll always wait for you.”

A pretty blush stained her cheeks, and she bent to make a fuss of Rusty. “Maybe next time I should make you wait a little longer, keep you in suspense.” 

Garreth slapped a hand over his heart and sighed dramatically. “Don't be cruel, MC. It's the highlight of Rusty's day greeting you with a happy, wagging tail. How could you do it to him? Look how pleased he is now that you're here! You should come earlier so he gets to have longer with you before you have to return.” 

She lifted her gaze to his, her blush deepening into a glorious red as her gorgeous eyes narrowed. “Don't use Rusty as a tool to flirt with me, Garreth Weasley. Rusty is innocent and such a good boy.” 

“Hey, I'm a good boy, too,” Garreth said. He held out his tin. “I'll even share my sandwich with you to prove it.” 

Ignoring the hopeful gaze of his beloved dog, who he'd just told that his lunch was off limits, Garreth held the tin up as MC took a peek at his sandwich. 

“Maybe just a little bite,” she said, lifting the sandwich from the tin. 

As she sat on the log beside him, Rusty still trying to get her attention at their feet, Garreth gave her a warm smile. She smiled back around the sandwich, nudging her shoulder against his as she took a delicate bite. 

“Don't look at me like that,” she said, holding her hand in front of her mouth as she chewed.

“Like what?” He lifted an eyebrow playfully. 

“You know very well what I mean.” She was blushing again. He did love it when he made her blush. 

“I've told you before,” he said, reaching to take hold of the end of her braid, the silken strands of her hair curling perfectly around his fingertips. “I will never stop looking at you like that, not even after you turn old and grey. My eyes were made to look at you that way, MC.” 

She shook her head, and his smile only widened as he tugged teasingly at her braid until she was leaning towards him. He met her gaze and brushed his fingers lightly under her chin. 

“I am going to marry you one day, MC,” he said confidently. “And then you won't need to hike the mile long trail here to see Rusty everyday, you can live here at the farm. With me.” 

“You've been saying you're going to marry me since we were ten, Garreth,” she said, taking another bite of his sandwich. “Over ten years of just assuming I'll be your wife. That's not a proposal.” 

He smiled and let her go, picking up his share of his half eaten sandwich. “You will, MC. I'm going to marry you, and we'll have loads of ginger babies together. You'll see.” 

She laughed and gave him a shove. “What if someone else asks me first? I'm an eligible catch, I'll have you know. My father is a respectable shopkeeper, and I can cook and sew, too.” 

“Like who?” He asked, sitting up straighter. 

“Mr Turner from the post office hinted about escorting me to the summer barn dance. Maybe he will get down on one knee and ask me to be his bride.”

Garreth screwed his nose up. “Seriously? Tight arsed Turner? You've got to be joking. The bloke is so stiff he squeaks when he walks! What kind of lover would he be between the sheets?”

“Garreth!” She gasped, her hands flying to her face as even her neck flushed scarlet. “That's hardly appropriate conversation material.”

Garreth’s green eyes flashed mischievously as he looked at her, imagining how soft her skin would feel under his palms, how delicious those lips would feel against his own. 

“Don't tell me you haven't thought about it,” he said softly, his voice low and raw in his throat.

Their gazes locked, and he could see the way her breaths had quickened, her chest rising and falling quickly under her blouse. “You are a free spirited young woman with fire in her soul. You're going to want a man who can leave you utterly breathless, a man who knows what he has in his arms when he holds you.”

Her eyes widened, her pupils dark and flickering with something that lifted the hope in his heart. “And you think you are the man fit for that challenge, do you?” 

He smiled, confident and cheeky. “Come to the summer dance with me and find out.” 

“Are you asking me to be your date, Garreth Weasley?” 

“I am, and you can't say no either,” he said.

It was her turn to lift an eyebrow at him. "Is that so?” 

“Absolutely. Rusty would be completely heartbroken if you turned me down, and you wouldn't want that now, would you?” 

As if on cue, and totally planned, Rusty leant his head against her thigh, looking up at her with those beautiful, brown eyes. 

“See?” Garreth scratched behind Rusty's ear again, his arm brushing against the warmth of her thigh. 

He had made no secret of it. He wanted her. But, his silly teasing and playful flirting always seemed to be nothing more than banter between them. He wanted the real thing. He'd marry her tomorrow if she would have him. 

MC glanced down at Rusty, stroking his soft fur before looking at Garreth. “Alright, you've got yourself a date to the summer dance,” she said, then held up a finger as his mouth split into a wide grin. “But, it needs to be a proper date. No silly jokes, and you definitely need to wear something smart. You can pick me up and escort me like a proper suitor.”

“I wouldn't dare expect anything less,” he said, his heart soaring. 

….*....

Her arm was linked through his as they walked through the village, the sunset a glorious blend of pinks and gold across the sky, the hues reflected in the sparkle of her eyes. MC looked like an absolute dream in her pale blue dress, her hair pinned back from her face, with a waterfall of curling locks tumbling down her back. His chest swelled with pride that she was on his arm, and he couldn't wait to escort her to the dance. 

They paused near the gated entrance of the old manor house, the sounds of music drifting across from the barn. Garreth patted a hand to his chest nervously. “So, will I do?”

He'd taken great care in bathing and attempting to tame his fiery locks, dressed in his best trousers and boots, his white shirt impeccably clean against the moss green of his waistcoat. He had even adorned his outfit with a plaid dickie bow, and he was sure he looked the part, but he wanted to hear her say it. 

Her eyes took in his clothes, a smile teasing her lips. When she met his gaze, he felt the familiar warmth in his chest that came from just being in her presence. 

“You look very smart,” she said, her fingers smoothing down the front of his waistcoat, making his cheeks warm. “Consider me impressed.” 

“I should hope so,” he grinned. “I've got to look the part, escorting the prettiest girl in the village. That Mr Turner best be keeping his distance, that's all I will say.” 

Enjoying the sound of her chuckle, they entered the barn to be greeted by the lively music coming from the band at the far end. Bales of straw had been set out for seating, along with wooden plank tables, ribbons, and colourful bunting, adding cheer to the space. Dancers were already twirling on the dance floor, but Garreth led MC towards a makeshift bar area and got them two mugs of ale. Taking a sip, he licked his lips, and a crease appeared on his brow.

“It’s no Butterbeer, but it will do,” he smirked. “I shall have to take you on a date to Hogsmeade, or even Diagon Alley in London, and show you some wizarding hospitality.”

MC lifted an eyebrow as she sipped at her beer. “You are fairly confident of a second date, then?”

Drawing on all his Gryffindor bravery, he lifted a hand up to her face, his thumb grazing gently along her cheekbone. “My plan is to sweep you off your feet, and take you on many, many more dates after this.”

Her blush was instant, and she couldn’t look any more beautiful. He could kiss her right now, but he held back, assuming the role of gentleman as they finished up their drinks and he led her out to the dancefloor. 

Not one for fancy airs and graces, he felt a flutter of insecurity at first as they joined the other couples moving about the floor. He was a more practical man, used to using his hands for more physical tasks, his feet more inclined to be in work boots planted firmly in mud. Once he had his hand on her waist, though, the rest just seemed to flow instantly, his gaze transfixed on only her as they began to sway along to the beat. Her smile was for him, and it felt all together too marvellous to be holding her close like this. 

After a few more dances, his pulse racing and his face hot, Garreth was smiling so wide his cheeks hurt. The lively steps were making them work up a sweat, but it was great fun, and he was sure to keep a firm hold on her as the songs ended and another began lest anyone had ideas about cutting in and stealing her away. As they skipped and twirled, her hair fanned out around her, the skirt of her dress billowing against his legs. Holding her gaze as he pulled her in close again, he splayed his hand at the small of her back, the ridges of her corset under her dress pressed against his palm. He felt the fire in his blood and didn’t even try to hold it back from his eyes.

Her mouth was parted as she breathed hard through the dance. The pink of her cheeks and the spark in her eyes felt heightened as they held the look between them. This was a different kind of magic, as old as time itself, and she was the only one who made him feel it. He cared little for the snobbish views regarding blood purity. She may be a Muggle born, but she had the power to charm him. The words in his heart danced and swirled along with him, threatening to escape and spill from his lips. Every thud of life in his body was all for her.

If he pressed his fingertips to the pulse at her throat, would it throb and flutter as hard and fast as his did right now. Could she feel the maddening rush of desire that warmed his blood as a match in her own veins?

For years, he had loved her with his eyes, in the gentle teasing and bold suggestions. His playful demands that he would marry her one day were honest truths, a reality he yearned for, and maybe, just maybe, he would be bold enough to make it a serious declaration. How do you make it special, though? She had hinted at wanting a proper proposal, and he knew it was tradition to place oneself on one knee and present a ring. Not normally one for stiff formality, he wondered if perhaps something a little different might be in order, but nothing too over the top lest it make her decline.

“Shall we get some more drinks?” She asked breathlessly, her fingers holding on tightly to his shoulder. Her flush had darkened, her eyes dipping to his mouth and then back to his eyes as though her heated blood really did answer in kind. “I’m feeling rather parched.”

Blinking away his grand ideas of making her his wife, Garreth nodded, his mouth slipping easily into a warm smile as he slowed their steps. “Of course, sweetheart,” he said with a bow over her hand.

“Such courtly behaviour, Garreth,” she chuckled, her eyes dancing as he straightened. “Who are you, really, and what have you done with the real Garreth?”

“I’m offended!” He said with a little cry of mocking disbelief. “I am the epitome of gentlemanly behaviour at all times.”

She leant in closer, her arm linked through his, the softness of her against him making his blood heat to new levels. As she tilted her head to speak nearer to his ear, he felt his throat close against the mad flutter in his chest. “Does a gentleman hint at what he can do to a free spirited woman once he has her in his arms? I believe you mentioned such things as leaving her breathless?”

Eyes widening in surprise, he turned his head to meet her gaze, their faces achingly close, tempting him even further to dare risking a taste. “You remembered what I said,” he murmured. 

“Every word,” she breathed, her eyes darkening. He could have sworn she moved closer, his tongue sliding to wet his lower lip at the promise of claiming the softness of her plush mouth.

“I meant it, you know,” he said softly, his gaze devouring her face with utter devotion. “I know exactly what I would be holding in my arms, and I would endeavour to show you just how much that would mean, leaving you completely breathless in the process.”

Her smirk was devilishly naughty, the spark in her eyes spellbinding. “Would you like to deflower me, Garreth Weasley?”

His teeth caught at his lower lip, sinking down into the soft flesh at the images those words presented to him, barely swallowing back the desperate whimper that threatened to escape his throat. Barely even registering that they were standing in a barn full of their fellow villagers making merry, his hand tightened at her waist as his eyes burned into hers.

“In the most gentlemanly way possible, I would very much like to ravish you,” he said, his voice thick with loaded desire.

Their gazes locked in a blistering promise of a passion unmet, Garreth heard his heart thundering in his ears. This was more than bodily urges. This was soul defining, surely. Poets wrote about this kind of feeling, and whilst he was certain he could never put it all into words, with his very hands, he would make every endeavour to show her. 

“Garreth!” A sharp tug on his sleeve joined the urgent bark of his name, jarring Garreth from the moment, his eyes blinking in dazed surprise as he turned to see his youngest brother beside him. “Bloody hell, Garreth. I've been calling your name across the room. Are you deaf?” 

“What?” Garreth frowned, trying to comprehend why his brother was here, his shirt almost as filthy as his face, his ginger mop of hair wild with a leaf caught in the curls. “What in Merlin's name are you doing here, Hector?”

Hector turned his gaze towards MC, his lips twitching into a cheeky smirk. “Alright, MC? You're looking delectably pretty this evening.” 

“Leave it out, you little rascal,” Garreth said, rolling his eyes and giving Hector his full attention. “What are you doing here? You look like you've crawled through a hedge backwards.”

“That's because I have,” Hector said, his cheeky smirk still in place. “That's why I'm here. Ma has got her wand in a right ole knot. The baby goats escaped, and they ransacked her vegetable patch. She cast out a hex or two, and now one of them has got pink fur.” 

Garreth’s eyes widened. “She did what? Godric’s balls.” 

He groaned and put a hand to his head. Those mischievous little goats had been the bane of his existence since their birth, escaping and chewing their way through all sorts. If he didn't have such a massive soft spot for them, he would have jinxed them all himself by now. 

“Did you manage to catch them all?” MC asked, a worried crease appearing in her brow. She, too, had been on the receiving end of the little scamps during her times helping out at the farm. 

Hector shook his head. “Nope, there's still three on the loose, so I thought I'd better fetch you, Garreth. They like you. One of those little bastards bit me on the finger, so it did.” 

“Oi, language,” Garreth scolded, holding a stern finger up. “There are ladies present.” 

At Hector's rueful smirk, he got hold of his arm with the intent of marching his rapscallion of a brother out of the barn. Glancing at MC, he caught her amused look and shook his head, fighting back his own grin. 

“I'm so sorry,” he said, his hand catching hold of hers. “This is going to spoil the evening. I need to go back and help round up these baby goats.” 

“And I am coming with you,” she said firmly, grasping his hand and delicately lifting the hem of her skirts. “It sounds like you're going to need my help.” 

In the seconds he had spare to stare at her before they all began to head for the door, he was reminded yet again at how fiercely his heart beat for her. 

….*....

With his wand between his teeth, the glow of his Lumos spell illuminating his face and the ground before him, Garreth launched forwards and wrapped his hands around the middle of the baby goat munching on one of his mother's rose bushes. The goat bleated in protest, and Rusty the dog came scampering over, tail wagging excitedly. 

“Gotcha, you little rascal,” Garreth mumbled around the wood of his wand, tucking the little goat under his arm as he turned towards the barn. 

The goat was trying to nibble his now wonky bow tie, his curls a ruffled mess from the searching in bushes. The evening had not turned out how he had been expecting. Visions of romantic dancing and maybe even a cheeky kiss were fading from his thoughts as he entered the lamp lit barn. 

MC was at the goat pen in the far corner, bending over the now mended fencing as she made a fuss of the mother goat. He could hear the soft murmur of her voice as she scratched under the chin of the beast, seemingly uncaring about the smears of dirt on the skirts of her pretty dress and the mud on her shoes. She had not been afraid to chase after the escaped kids in her fine clothing, traipsing through mud and greenery in her attempts to retrieve them. 

“I've got another one,” Garreth said, returning his wand to his pocket as he lifted a very wriggly kid over the fence. 

“One more to go, then,” MC said with a sigh. She moved closer and reached out for his hand. “Come on, let's go catch her together.” 

“Her?” Garreth asked, lifting an eyebrow. 

“Yes, it's Blossom that's missing. The one with the patch on her tummy that looks like a heart,” MC said, holding tight to his hand as they walked back out into the dark of the yard. 

“You've named them?” He chuckled, shaking his head. “You do know they are to be sold soon, don't you?” 

“They still need names, Garreth,” she insisted with a smile. “How can they not have names when they have such funny, little personalities.” 

He paused in his step to look at her, a soft look on his face. “Considering how these little personalities have wrecked our plans for the evening, you are being rather affectionate towards them.” 

Her smile shifted into something rather playful as she stepped even closer, her free hand lifting to adjust his bow tie. “We only have one more naughty kid to catch, Garreth,” she said, lifting her eyes to meet with his. “And the night isn't over yet.” 

A little flutter erupted in his tummy, warm and pleasing as his mouth tilted upwards into a grin. “That sounds promising.” 

The bleating of the remaining escaped goat sounded across the yard, coming from where the old stables stood against a backdrop of trees. Once again, a mischievous goat was determined to interrupt any moment that had the potential to turn interesting with MC.

Turning to try and catch a glimpse of Blossom was rather pointless in the dark, and Garreth slipped his wand from his pocket again. This was the last goat to catch, and then he could have MC all to himself.

“Hold that promising thought of yours,” he smirked and held up his wand. “Lumos!” 

Still holding hands, they crept swiftly across the yard, the light from his wand illuminating the darkness and pressing back the shadows as they approached the stables, their feet squelching in the mud. Rusty was already snuffling ahead of them, nose down and tail up until he caught a scent. With an excited bark, he was off, scampering around the corner of the old, brick building, and the little goat came bounding out of the darkness. 

“There you are, Blossom!” MC said, holding out a hand. Blossom had other ideas, though, and skipped sideways in a move that was almost like a dance. “Oh, you little rascal!” 

MC lunged to catch her, missed, and slid on the mud. Her startled cry pierced the night as she grabbed at Garreth, catching his arm so forcefully that he was yanked forward in a sudden lurch. It all seemed to happen in slow motion, the arc of light as his wand arm swung, his booted feet sliding out from under him. In his efforts to be a gentleman and keep MC upright, he took the fall, hitting the sticky mud with a splat. 

“Oof!” 

“My goodness, are you alright?” MC said, holding her hands to her mouth as she looked down at him, Rusty bouncing eagerly forward and shoving his wet nose right into Garreth’s face. 

Somehow, Garreth had managed to keep his wand arm up in the air, his spell still lit at the tip. His other hand was buried in the mud, his face a grimace of disgust as he shifted into a sitting position. 

“I'm alright. Easy, boy, easy,” he said, attempting to calm Rusty, who thought this was an impromptu play session. 

It was at this point that Blossom the baby goat decided to take a flying leap into the air in all the excitement, and she jumped right onto Garreth’s broad shoulders, head butting him in the process. His grunt of pain at the smack of her hooves and head was lost in the bellow of laughter that erupted from MC's mouth. She was bent over with it, her eyes sparkling in the light from his wand as he struggled to get Blossom down into his lap with one arm. 

“Oi, don't laugh! A little help here?” He muttered through a smirk, slipping in the mud as he tried to keep hold of Blossom and keep his wand aloft. 

“Of course…I'm s-sorry,” MC gasped around her chuckles, holding out her arms to take little Blossom. “Here, let me…” 

Scooping an excitable Blossom into her arms, coating her dress in fresh smears of mud, MC quietened her chuckles as Garreth got to his feet. He tried to shake the mud from his hand, his eyes roaming over his ruined shirt and trousers. 

“Well, there goes my nice, smart shirt. Bloody hell, I can't go back to the dance looking like this,” he grumbled, his gaze moving to MC. “And look at your lovely dress.” 

“Could you use one of your fancy spells to make it all better?” She asked. 

He could. In fact, he knew just the spell, and she had always been so delighted with the magic that he could do. It had always been his pleasure and a wonderful excuse to keep her near him, to show her the spells he could do. Transfiguration objects would make her clap her hands excitedly, bringing him objects to switch up into something new. The best one was charming magical delights to impress her like little birds or butterflies. It was worth it just to see that glow of wonder in her eyes, her awe, and praise for him, making his chest swell and his dreams would fill with hope. 

Standing there in the mud with her, watching her make a fuss over the naughty goat, he realised that he didn't need to make all the mud disappear. None of this bothered her. Not the escaped goats putting a stop to their dance, not the running around in the dark trying to catch them, and definitely not the mud marking her skirts. She loved this place almost as much as he did. It was home, and this was where they belonged. She had to feel it, too.

“You look beautiful even when you're covered in mud, MC,” he said, his voice a little hoarse. “I'd even go so far as to say you are especially beautiful when you're all grubby and getting stuck in with the work around here. We are lucky to have you.” 

Her smile was particularly lovely as she petted Blossom on the head, the goat trying to nibble on the lace at the front of her dress, and he was certain that she was blushing. Instead of a cheeky come back as she was wont to do, her words were soft, her eyes full of a deeper meaning. “I love it here, Garreth. I always have. I'm happy to be able to help out.” 

She loved it here. Surely, it was meant to be.

“Let's get Blossom back to her family,” he said with a chuffed smile, nodding towards the barn, that warm feeling spreading behind his chest at her words. “And like you said, the night isn't over yet.” 

….*....

With the goats all now safely in their pen, Garreth stood with his hands in his pockets and a rueful smile on his face as MC approached him under the flickering lamp of the barn. She smirked as she attempted to straighten his dickie bow again, her gaze taking in the mud staining his shirt and waistcoat. 

“Oh, Garreth, you even have little hoofprints on your shoulder,” she chuckled, brushing against it with her fingertips. 

“All part of the farm life,” he said, tilting his head as he gazed upon her. “I'm just sorry it ruined the summer dance for you. I'm sure if Mr Turner had escorted you, there would have been no goat drama, and you would likely still be dancing right now.” 

A flutter of insecurity began to tap dance behind his ribs. MC was a rare one, and he did not blame other gentlemen for their interest in her hand. Despite knowing her since they were young children, this did not place any right or claim on her, no matter how he longed for it. He was cheeky and flirty. He made bold statements about her being his wife one day, but her heart was her own to give. 

He was just a farm boy with a gift for magical spells and the odd calamity. Was he enough for her? 

As she stared up at him, the glow of the lamp reflecting in her pretty eyes, he searched for the disappointment in her gaze but found only warmth. 

“I'd rather be here with you in the mud and chaos, than dancing with a man who doesn't understand me,” she said softly. Her face moved subtly closer, her hand still resting on his shoulder. “What you said to me the other day about needing someone who knew what they had when they held you. You were right. Mr Turner may be polite, and he is most gracious when he speaks to me, but his eyes do not hold the power that makes me forget how to breathe.” 

The pace of Garreth’s heartbeat began to pick up, a hand leaving his pocket to reach for her waist. Her warmth came even closer at the urging of his touch. “Tell me more about such eyes,” he murmured, swallowing thickly against the desire building within. 

“Eyes like a forest in spring,” she said, her fingers moving to touch against his throat, her caress like fire as she slid them tentatively up towards his jaw, unravelling the edges of his control. “Eyes that make my skin come alive when they look at me, eyes filled with a fire that I am certain nobody else sees but me. I could get lost in those eyes if I wanted to, I'm sure of it.”

She was so close now, he could see the myriad of flecks in the pools of her eyes, and he figured he knew what she meant. “Do you want to get lost in them?” He asked, the underlying tension in his words as dark and smooth as honey. 

The air felt molten and ablaze between them, all his nerve endings stretched taut with the need to feel every inch of her pressed against him.

“I think I already am,” she whispered. 

Endless day dreams and hours spent picturing how it would be to kiss MC, and now that his lips were finally pressed against hers, the real thing surpassed anything his mind could have painted. Softer than he had dared believed, her mouth sealed against his in a first kiss that had his toes curling inside his muddied boots. 

It wasn't too heated, and yet his blood was ablaze, the gentle pressure just enough to show the desire behind it. The shuddering breath he managed to pull into his lungs took some of the tension from his frame as he pressed his forehead to hers, his eyes seeking the comfort of her gaze. 

“Dance with me once more,” he said, his voice laden with the need of her. 

“I offer you kisses, and you want to dance?” 

Her eyes sparkled with a mischief he recognised, but Garreth merely smirked and took out his wand. In the corner near where they stood was a collection of farm tools, brooms and a rake, a shovel, that kind of thing. With a few careful wrist movements, his lips murmuring a charm learnt in a lesson taught by his Aunt Matilda, those practical and useful implements lifted up from the ground. In graceful twists and turns, imbued with the power of the magic that ran through his veins, Garreth performed the transfiguration spell to make a quartet of string instruments. 

“Garreth!” MC exclaimed, her hands coming up to her mouth as the instruments began to play a rather charming piece of music. 

Eyeing the look of wonder on her face, his smile was rather pleased as he slid a hand across her lower back and urged her closer towards him. “Not bad, hmm? If we can’t be at the dance, then we shall bring the dance to us.” 

Taking a hand and holding her more firmly, his fingers splayed at her back in a manner that suggested she was his alone. He spun them about in a smooth turn of dance. 

“Show off,” she admonished playfully, letting him lead her across the floor of the barn. 

It didn't matter that they were plastered in mud or that they were dancing in the barn with a family of goats for company beside hundreds of hay bales stacked ready for winter. He was here with her, and she was in his arms, her smiling face turned up to him with a warm glow in her eyes. 

“I may be a show off, but only for you,” he said with a wink. Swallowing down his nerves, he adjusted his grip at her waist. It was time to summon the bravery his school house was known for. “Anything for the girl I love.” 

He heard the swift intake of her breath, her feet stilling amongst the loose straw strands scattered across the floor. The music played on as they stood and stared at each other, a hot blush blooming across his cheeks. 

“Do you mean that, Garreth?” Her voice was breathless, her eyes wide. “You love me?” 

“I do,” he nodded, his throat closing up with emotion. “I love you.” 

Her gaze dipped to his chest, her eyes shifting from side to side, a kaleidoscope of emotions dancing across her features. Panic took wing within him, his fingers gripping tightly at the back of her dress. Had he spoken out of turn? Was it too much? Perhaps he had read the look in her eyes all wrong. 

When she finally lifted her gaze back to him, the tell tale shine of unshed tears glittered in her eyes. “But…I'm just a normal girl, Garreth,” she said, shaking her head as though she didn't understand. “I don't have magic. I am one of those Muggle people in your world. Why would you want me when you could have someone who can conjure fire, or…or wonderful instruments to make music. I'm nothing special…”

“You are everything!” He declared, shifting his hands to cup her beautiful face, his heart squeezing at her fears. “You are all that I want. Nobody else could ever come close. Another girl could have all the magic in the world, and I would still choose you. Please, don't ever think that you are not good enough, MC. I love you all the way from your bonnie hair to your muddy shoes.” 

Her lips trembled, and a tear escaped, streaking down her cheek. He caught it with his thumb, caressing the softness of her skin as he felt the burn behind his own eyes. 

“I'm probably being a sentimental fool here, but it's the truth,” he said, resting his forehead against hers and taking a shaky breath. “Please, say something.” 

A broken whimper left her mouth as she wrapped her arms about him, her fingers clutching at the back of his waistcoat as she pressed a kiss to his mouth. “I love you, too,” she said, the words like a balm against his lips. 

Like a dam released, he pressed kisses to her mouth, her nose, his lips raining his affections across her cheeks until she was giggling in his arms. Hearing her speak those words made his heart skip a beat, his emotions threatening to spill over, and so he used his lips to express himself rather than make a fool of himself and speak. He feared his voice would crack, and the burn in his eyes would turn into real tears.

“Are you trying to kiss me everywhere?” She laughed, breaking through the ecstatic tension in his chest.

His eyebrows lifted with cheeky intrigue, his fingers ghosting along the lacy neckline of her dress near her collarbone. Humour and flirting were definitely more in his comfort zone. “Hmm, that depends on how literally you mean everywhere.” 

Her cheeks reddened, and she gasped, but her smile turned almost as mischievous as his own. “This sounds most improper, Garreth,” she teased. “Perhaps a hint at how a gentleman may leave a girl breathless.” 

“Oh, it's wonderfully improper. Would you like a demonstration, my lady?” 

“Garreth! Not in front of the kids.” She nodded her head towards the goat pen across the barn, her mouth tilting into a teasing smile. 

Glancing from the mischievous goats to the girl of his heart, Garreth gave her his most wicked smile. “But of course, my love,” he said, taking her hand. “Right this way.” 

Heart hammering with excited anticipation, Garreth tugged MC away from the goats as he ended the music with a flick of his wrist, leading her around the huge stacks of hay bales to a darker, more secluded part of the barn. He let her go to shift a few of the heavy bales, uncaring about dirtying clothes already ruined, until he had a suitable spot in which to render his girl breathless. Circling her within his arms again, he kissed her gently, searching her eyes for answers. “Only on your word, MC.” 

“You have it,” she nodded.

As their kisses became longer and more heated, his blood fired to a burn that made him giddy. He lifted her off her feet and placed her down on the sweet-smelling bales. Deepening the kiss, he braced himself on his elbows, trying not to crush her with his weight. Her body arched towards him, the press of her curves making him ache with such fierceness. 

“Tell me you feel this, too,” he said, his mouth devouring the tender flesh of her throat. 

“Like fire,” she gasped. 

Her cheeks were flushed, her hair pooled around her head in a tumble of glossy curls, and her skin was addictive against his tongue. His fingers worked at the fastening of her dress, pulling the sleeves from her shoulders to expose more soft flesh to explore. Her gasping, tortured breaths filled his ears as he mouthed along her collar bone, dragging the dress downwards before reaching to pull at the laces of her corset. Crossing the line from friends to lovers had been his dream, his hope, and now it was his reality.

As her nimble fingers worked on the buttons of his waistcoat, his gaze blazed a trail over her chest, confined within the corset that he was eager to be rid of. Bending down, his tongue slid delicately along the plump flesh, pushed upwards over the top of the constrictive bindings, groaning at the promise of what his hands longed to hold. But, the laces were being stubborn, his fingers tugging with an urgency that made her chuckle.

“Rather impatient, aren’t you?” She teased, cupping his face.

“I’ve been dreaming of this for so long,” he groaned, grabbing her waist with the intention of spinning her around. “Roll over, darling. I refuse to be outwitted by a corset. I have my heart set on burying myself in the delights hidden underneath, so this naughty piece of lace and bone is about to meet my barn floor.”

Her laughter brought a smirk to his face as he rolled her atop the bales, pulling the laces free until the corset loosened. He immediately slipped it from her body, discarding it so he could smooth his hands over the red indents the restrictive garment had made on her skin. She was like satin and silk, so sensual under the touch of his work-roughened hands.

“So beautiful,” he murmured, bending to press soft kisses along the length of her spine. Urging her upright, she sighed as she pressed up against his bare chest, her head falling back as he slid her hair aside to suck gently at the base of her neck. “Let me feel you,” he whispered.

Fingers teasing around her ribs, he peered over her shoulder as his hands sought out the full weight of her breasts. Divinely soft, he cupped them both, closing his eyes for a few seconds to savour the feel of her against his palms. She turned her head, her fingers delving into the thick curls of his hair. As he met her heated stare, the glaze of desire he could see there had him claiming her mouth in another hungry kiss. 

Emboldened by her low moan, he let one hand drift over the softness of her stomach, caressing with a trembling touch before he dared to delve lower. Her dress was bunched about her thighs, his fingers sliding easily under the waistband of her underwear. Her breath caught in her throat as his fingertips brushed through the thatch of her hair, but she shuffled her knees further apart to allow him access.

“Are you sure?” He asked, needing to know that she wanted this as much as he did.

“Please…” 

His fingers caressed through the heated slick of her most intimate flesh, and Garreth felt his cheeks burn at her willingness, her soft moans driving him to explore her further, teasing at her entrance before sliding a finger into the silken heat that awaited. 

“Gods…” The word left his mouth in a breath of awe. She felt exquisite, and his arousal strained against the confines of his undershorts, molten fire gathering deep in his loins. 

As her hips rolled seductively against his hand, he worked to a rhythm, slowly stretching her until he could add a second finger. The tightness of her inner walls posed the idea that he might need to take care when entering himself into her. He ached for it, longed to make her his knowing he would be the first to do so, but he did not want to hurt her. For now, he concentrated his efforts on pleasing her, seeking out the tiny pearl of her pleasure.

Savouring every sound that slipped from her mouth, he whispered in her ear, pressing kisses along her jaw, and he kept a warm hand around her breast. Watching her writhe with pleasure, the skin of her throat darkening with a rosy blush as her whimpers intensified, he coaxed her ever closer to the peak. 

“Garreth…I’m close,” she panted, her fingers gripping into his hair with an eye watering grasp.

“I’m right here, sweetheart,” he murmured into her ear. “Relax, give in to it. I won’t let you go.”

Groaning at the delicious pressure of her peachy backside against his arousal, he felt the quiver of her muscles, her hips bearing down as her body surrendered to the fire. He slowed his fingers, coaxing her along the crest of the wave, watching her through his lidded gaze as she climaxed in his arms. Her moans were beautiful, but nothing could be more satisfying than hearing his name whispered through her lips like some kind of prayer. Bringing her to this point gave him a sense of pride, the love he felt for her swelling behind his ribs as he shifted her around so he could hold her against him.

Burying her face into his neck, she clung to him, the heat of her laboured breaths against his skin urging him to stroke his hands up and down her back as she came back to herself. They whispered their words of love to each other, taking a moment to pause and reflect before she cupped his face in her hands. Her gaze was one of hazy bliss, cheeks flushed, and a gorgeous smile on her lips.

“You were good on your word, Garreth Weasley,” she said, her thumb sliding temptingly close to his mouth. “Consider me thoroughly breathless.”

“Oh, but I am not done yet,” he said, capturing her thumb with his lips and sucking gently. She watched him do it, her eyes darkening again, lips parted.

“Of course,” she murmured softly, her eyes lifting to stare into his. “I had always secretly hoped that you would be the one to take me for the first time. I dared to dream of it. All those times you would smile and say that I would be your wife one day, I stored those moments in my secret heart and feared that another, a beautiful and talented witch, would come and steal you away.”

“Never,” he insisted, holding her closer, pressing the warmth of her flesh even closer against his. He kissed her on the mouth, his lips lingering before speaking again. “I meant every word, you know. I may smile and tease you, but there was always truth behind those words.”

Taking her hand, he pressed it against where his heart thudded against his chest, more serious than he had ever been in his life. “Feel that? Every beat is for you. I want you to be my girl, my wife. I want you to be there when I wake up every day. Marry me, MC.”

“A thousand times, yes!” Her smile was dazzling, and she wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him tightly. She didn’t even hesitate with her answer, and he squeezed her back, hardly daring to believe it.

All the grand gestures and speeches he had mulled over didn’t seem to matter, the charade of going down on one knee, the stiff formalities all forsaken. They were half naked in his barn, bits of hay stuck to them, their clothes filthy. But, it didn’t matter. This was their truth, and he had spoken with his heart, and by some miracle, she had said yes.

Capturing her mouth in a long, fierce kiss, he cupped her face, a grin appearing as his verdant eyes twinkled. “You will be my Mrs Weasley. I can’t wait to see ole ‘stiff upper lip’ Turner’s face when I call you that.”

“It’s not a competition, Garreth,” she chided gently, playing with a lock of his hair.

“Oh, but it is, my love. You are the prettiest girl in the village, and you are all mine. That makes me a winner. Just wait until I tell Rusty he is going to be so happy about this!”

MC chuckled and leaned into him, pressing her forehead to his as she bit down on her lower lip. “As much as I adore that pup of yours, he is going to have to wait. We have unfinished business to attend to.”

“We do?” Feigning innocence, he waited, watching and loving the fire igniting in her gaze. 

A breathless moan escaped his throat as her hand slid down to palm against the front of his trousers, his arousal waking from its semi-slumber at her touch. Her lips grazed against his in a teasing kiss, her eyes locked with his. Gods, she made his blood burn.

“Make me yours,” she whispered against his mouth.

Laying naked on the hay bales beneath him, her legs parted to welcome him, MC looked like perfection. His eyes blazed with his desire as he admired the soft curves, his fingers stroking against her glistening and inviting entrance as he prepared her for him. Taking his time to savour the intimacy and to ensure her comfort, Garreth pressed himself into her slick heat, biting his lip against his urgent need. So tight and hot, she squeezed around him, his cock throbbing as he slid deeper.

At her wince, he paused, but her fingers bit into his hips, urging him to push. “Don’t stop,” she gasped, glancing down to where they were joined. 

Moving slowly at first, the pleasure began to build until his eyes became glazed, liquid fire pooling with blissful ecstasy at the base of his spine. Her little hands clung to him, her grip fierce and hungry, her head thrown back, and lips parted as she moaned beneath him. He couldn’t get enough. It was erotic and sensual. It was blowing his mind. The feel of her was driving him insane and his climax was imminent. 

Looking down at where he thrust into her, watching as he filled her over and over, his hips snapped harder. The slap of their flesh punctuated his rhythm, the harshness of his breaths becoming cries of ecstasy as the heat exploded in his lower back, his hips slamming forward until he was fully sheathed within her tight heat. Eyes closed as the pulsing wave of his orgasm overcame him, he shuddered as thick spurts of release spilt deep inside of her. Behind his eyelids, the erotic image of MC’s flushed and naked body seared through his thoughts.

As the wave of his orgasm began to ebb, he gently rolled his hips, grinding against her as though pressing his seed even deeper inside. They were not married yet, but he did not regret filling her up. In fact, it was incredibly arousing to think of it. Gasping air into his lungs, he opened his eyes as he felt her hands urging him closer. Her smile was soft, her fingers gentle as she smoothed his hair back from his sweat slicked forehead.

“I love you,” she whispered, her mouth pressing delicate kisses on his flushed face. 

A subtle movement of her hips made him moan softly, the sensitivity of her walls flexing around his very happy cock sending shivers up his spine. Seeking out her mouth for a kiss filled with longing, he realised that it was possible to fall in love even deeper than before. Staring into those eyes, he had certainly got lost in them, lost in her, and now she would be his forever.

Their future lay ahead, living here on the family farm where they could raise their children. Perhaps they would be magical, like him, and they would go to Hogwarts. Even if they weren’t, and they were like their mother, he wouldn’t mind. They would be Weasleys, they would be loved, and that was a wonderful and beautiful thought.

#hogwarts legacy fanfic #garreth weasley #garreth weasley smut #garreth weasley x mc #weasley wednesday #blueraineshadows

[hyallulonelyhime]

Hyahime presents: That time when a jsk became an ironing board cover..

Today i'm sharing a classic from cgl many of you have definitely heard about: The ironing board fiasco. The story of a girl, her dad's fiance and many feels.

Everything started when OP shared this image and said the following:

Due to some unusual circumstances, I'm currently living in a partially-renovated house with my dad and his fiancé.

His fiancé is a very sweet lady who is very thrifty. She makes all her own clothes and and will usually find a practical use for something, rather than throw it out (i.e recycling old bottles and jars to pot plants).

I had a Baby The Stars Shine Bright Strawberry and Cherry Ruffle jumperskirt that I didn't wear anymore, so I was planning to sell it. From memory, it cost about $400.

I put it out in the main room next to a pile of clothes I planned to donate to Good Sammies, so I'd remember to take photos of it for the sale. I then went away for a week to visit my grandparents

When I came back, I noticed the pile of clothes had disappeared. Cool, my dad and/or his fiancé had donated them for me. But wait… Where was the jumperskirt?

It was then that I saw the sight portrayed in the uploaded. My dress had been cut up to to make an ironing board cover and a tablecloth. I don't know where the rest of the material is.

It appeared that my dad's fiancé had assumed the jumperskirt was part of the donation pile, and thought there was no harm in 'recycling' it for her own uses. In her efforts to pretty up the concrete-y wasteland of a house, she had unknowingly destroyed an expensive brand dress.

Literally the only thing I could do in that moment was stare blankly. I can't even be mad at her, she had no idea.

So now I have a BTSSB ironing board and table cloth.

the story immediately caught the attention of users as they scrolled. Some found it terrible, others couldn't help but laugh..

Though some were quick to say it must've been fake.

So.. did OP fake this for attention? Let's investigate.

It is very unlikely the fabric was gathered from a replica, judging by the print details and the fact that this isn't a very sought-after or popular piece you'd see everywhere.

But how did one dress result in so much fabric? Although it looks like a lot, one anon pointed this out:

But she knew she'd get the attention, right? ...yes, but I don't think anyone would come up with this specific odd way to recycle a lolita piece and make the community react.

OP responded to the questions and thoughts with the following:

At this point, some anons were pretty much just fighting over if it's okay for OP to be so calm or not. Which.. is a little bit weird. Others were more emotional about this than the victim themselves.

But what you may not know is.. there's more. There's more to the Kawaiironing fiasco.

Op comes back.

I queried the whereabouts of the remaining material and she showed me. She said my dad told her I was "throwing them out" (I have no idea where he drew that conclusion as i specifically said I was donating a bunch of clothes, so at the very least he should have assumed I was, you know, donating them), so she thought it was fine to cut up. My fault anyway, didn't separate the "sell" pile from the "donate" pile. HOWEVER… There were a few other brand dresses I was planning to sell. I assumed they had been donated with the rest of my clothes, as they were nowhere to be found. I was a little sad about that (they were valuable Angelic Pretty, BBSTB and Metamorphose), but oh well. Then I looked in her material bag and found they had also been cut up… When dad said I was "throwing THEM" out, he did not state a plural by accident… Pics to follow.

If anyone wants individual versions of those pics lemme know.

The loli gods frown upon me today for my unbecoming carelessness in handling burando.

Op decided to keep the truth a secret: ignorance is bliss, and her stepmother did not deserve to feel the guilt of ruining so much burando.. or to know that so many lolitas were in shambles knowing about her crafts.

..Although, anons said this wouldn't stop her from doing it again. Maybe she should know so she doesn't cut up even more dresses.

One thing is certain. that's a really cute ironing board cover. Maybe the fabric could become even more random burando stuff: headbows, little makeup bags, cup coasters, mats.. oven mitts?

Lolita home goods for all! we demand a cute life!(✧∀✧)/

#memorybox #eglfashion #jfashion #lolita fashion #egl #old school lolita #egl community #classic lolita #egl fashion #sweet lolita #gothic lolita

[stupidfuckingwindow]

Sebastian Wilder // NSFW Alphabet

Word count: 1.4k of just FILTH.

Thank you Goosecord for giving me the inspiration to post this and for all of your wonderfully sinful thoughts. I love yall, you're all so fun and inspiring.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

One of his favorite things to do- in and out of the bedroom- is to take care of you. If he's the one who was dominant in bed, he'll immediately focus on making sure you're okay and cleaning you up before he even starts worrying about himself. When he is the submissive, Sebastian will need a minute to recollect himself before helping you.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Sebastian, obviously, loves his hands. Without them, he couldn't play the piano. He's expressive with his hands, usually gesturing with them accordingly when he speaks. He likes using them to pin you down while he fucks you, or keep your hips steady as you bounce on his dick.

He likes your hips, usually having a hand on or around them whenever you two are together. It comforts him to know that you trust him enough to let him touch you, and Seb often finds himself staring at your legs, as well. If you have hip-dips, it's all the sweeter.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Inside, whenever he can. He loves the aspect of cumming inside you, and feels it's more romantic in that way. Sebastian also can't help but admire the sight of it dripping out of you. He'll push it back in with either his fingers or cock for round two and fuck some more into you.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He isn't one for sharing or letting anyone see you. Sebastian is worried about being caught. That being said, he thinks about fucking you at Seb's. He wants to fuck you over every surface eventually, when the club is closed.

Very, very, expensive piano included.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Sebastian isn't too terribly experienced. He's had bigger things to do/deal with in life. He knows the basics and picks up things you like rather quickly, but other than that he hasn't had too many partners before you.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Any position where Seb gets to see your face and make sure you're feeling good is one that he prefers. It's simple, but Sebastian enjoys missionary the most. Though, on occasion, he will bend you over the nearest surface if he's desperate enough.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Seb is a mix of both, preferring to be a little more serious than silly. But there are those rare moments after a long day where he's in need of unloading and having a laugh.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Well groomed. I mean, have you seen him? Enough said.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He's usually very romantic when fucking you. Seb focuses on your pleasure, often then not. But, once a blue moon, he'll get more aggressive when irritated or stressed out. Hair-pulling, degrading, and rough fucking are all in the cards when you push him long enough.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Rarely does Sebastian get himself off. He's engrossed in his work, and even before meeting you he was the same way.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Everything to do with his piano is a given. He wants to bend you over it or fuck you over the keys despite the awful noise slamming into them makes. Sebastian will let you warm his cock while he practices.

An (unintentional) Breeding kink also comes with the territory of him stuffing his cum back into you. He's slightly obsessed with the feeling of having you around him as he cums.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Again, it's simple, but at home. He gets to see you in the privacy of his apartment without the fear of getting caught. There, it's also much easier for him to take care of you.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

You're his muse, and sometimes all it takes for him is just thinking about or seeing you. Thinking too hard about all the possibilities of being in bed with you is what does it for Sebastian.

Also, he loves seeing you in the mornings. Seeing you next to him or wearing his shirt in the early hours is something he treasures.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Harming you in a serious way is a no, for Sebastian, even if it's just roleplay or there's that potential. He won't partake in anything like weapon/knifeplay, and Sebastian needs enthusiastic consent. He doesn't want to force you into anything if it even sounds like you aren't enjoying yourself.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Definitely giving. He loves using his fingers most often to fuck you while eating you out/sucking you off. Seb enjoys watching you have a good time, and likes hearing the sounds you make as he does so. Considering that he's a pianist, it's also a given that he's extremely skilled with his fingers.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

His pace entirely depends on what both of you are feeling. Slow and sensual is the most regular, but he's into being rougher and faster whenever you want him to be. He'll also naturally get more rough with you when highly stressed out or annoyed.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He enjoys them. After the two of you have been dating for a while and get more used to one another, he'll slowly start to be more open to quickies and have them more often with you. He might even risk some in public, at work.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He'll risk fucking you in places that have people, after a point. Sebastian will occasionally get you off under the table/piano, etc. -If he's sure the two of you won't be caught, that is. Regarding experimenting, yes. He's willing to try most everything, so long as it's within both of your boundaries and feels good for you.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Sebastian's stamina ranges anywhere from two to three rounds, to five. It all depends on how he's feeling at the time. When he's feeling lazier and more romantic, that's when he'll take his time, rather than attempt to pump out more rounds.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Seb, personally, doesn't own any toys. But he doesn't have a problem with you having or using them. He'll use a vibrator on you if he feels it's necessary. He's also open to you using toys on him.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He'll tease you according to the mood. When taking his time, Sebastian will only tease a little bit. When rough, however, he will tease you more/more often.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Loud. If we're going off his habit of obnoxiously honking outside of your house, he's no quieter in bed. Even less so when he's the one under you. Unlike Ken, however (Coming soon trust), your entire neighborhood won't know when you're fucking Sebastian. When he's dominant, however, he'll often tell you how good you're doing as he fucks you.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Complete bastard on the road. This isn't even a headcanon, this is just him and how he is.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Sebastian's dick is a good 5 to 6 inches. It's not the longest, but he does know how to properly use his fingers to help pleasure you. He's on the slimmer side, with a pretty pink tip.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Seb's sex drive is rather low. He'd much rather have sex that means something over meaningless fucking. But, whenever you're down, he is too. Thinking about incorporating his work into sex with you, however, easily gets him hard.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Like I said, Sebastian will stay up a little while afterwards to clean the both of you up. Whenever the two of you are rougher or have more rounds is when he'll fall asleep quicker. Dominate him hard enough, though, and he'll be out like a light.

#ryan gosling #la la land #sebastian wilder x reader #sebastian wilder #n.sfw. #sebastian wilder smut #ryan gosling smut #ryan gosling x you #ryan gosling x reader

[generalhumancloudalmond]

Mister Cyclop

Platonic!Yandere!Tartaglia x Bullied!Child!Male!Reader

How did it become like this? Why did you hit your brother Teucer? Why did you insult him? He... He just wanted to play with you. With his brother, whom he hadn't seen for so long. And you've been waiting so long to meet your family, too. So why did you screw it up yourself? That's not what you wanted at all...

You left earlier than planned. You didn't wait for your older brother Ajax, who was supposed to arrive in two days, but just returned to Fontaine. Initially, you dreamed of studying at Fontaine only for the sake of Teucer, he was not much younger than you and terribly loved cyclops. Once Ajax gave him a toy in the form of his favorite hero and you just can't but wanted to fulfill his dream. Just make a mechanism that would allow his favorite toy to walk.

"It would be great if Mister Cyclope could walk! Oh! And can even shoot a laser! With which he's supposed to crush enemies! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

However, here you are, looking at how other students spit in your shoes, how even one of the elders angrily looks in your direction, maybe it's a teacher.

"Stop crying, Y/n! Do you even know how many people your brother has killed and he...!"

"My brother is not a harbinger!"

"What's the difference?! You're from Snezhnaya! You're all sick in the head there! Invading foreign regions! Torture, kill, you are all monsters! From someone like you, we all have to suffer while you feast!"

Sitting on the floor, you just couldn't help but cry with resentment.

Your mom always told you to be kind to everyone, to always share and not offend anyone. So you did. On the first day you even brought hotcakes, which you made all night with your mother. You thought you'd make friends faster this way, but the other kids threw away those hotcakes and said that they didn't want to be poisoned by food from the north, that they weren't so stupid and naive as not to understand your true motives. They even read your letter that you wrote to your family, hoping to find the secret cipher. Of course, there were no any secret cipher, however, they made fun of you when they saw you admit that you were being bullied in letter.

"Oh! Are we hurting you? Really? What a pity... But you know what?! You can complain to your dad! And I'm not! Do you know why?! Because your fatui relatives killed him! Although I'm sorry! After all, the words "pain" and "loss" are not familiar to people like you!"

"I..."

"Do us all a favor, Y/n! No! Do the whole Teyvat a favor! Go back to your homeland and die with scum like yourself!"

You had nothing to say, as always. Fortunately, it was over in a couple of minutes. The class started and everyone left, everyone except you. You went to your room. You decided to finish disassembling the bag and maybe calm down a little. However, tears fell like a waterfall from your eyes when you saw a jar of condensed milk and a note from Tyuser. In your younger brother 's clumsy handwriting , it was written in large letters:

'Mom said I could take some condensed milk so I wouldn't cry. I don't know how I offended you... I'm sorry, brother. But I hope that condensed milk will cheer you up as much as it does me. By the way, you didn't hurt me at all!'

How... How could you take it out on your own brother... Also a younger one... You really are a monster from the north...

You fell asleep crying on the floor, despite the fact that it was only evening, and therefore woke up in the middle of the night. It was warm and smelled like home, like when the older brother had just returned home after another business trip. Your was nose tickled the fur, and your brother was sitting at your desk... Brother?!

"Oh! Y/n, you're awake... You really scared me, you know. You were lying on the floor, all in tears and with a fever... How are you?"

Ajax came up to you when you started crying again. However, this time your nose was buried in your brother's warm, big and motionless shoulder, and not in your small hands that were shaking nonstop and from which your own tears flowed.

"Brother... Brother..."

Ajax's left hand stroked your back soothingly, and his right hand pressed your head harder against his shoulder. Tonya called Ajax a knight, but for you he was like a brown bear, with big hands and fluffy hair.

"Do you know what I'm thinking, Y/n? About how well we will spend all the time together at home... Go ice skating, go fishing. I will definitely prepare my crown fish soup... However, Tonya will most likely disappear with her friends, as she does every yuletide... But I think they can be invited to us, Anton will definitely be embarrassed because of this..."

Your mouth unwittingly broke into a small, weak, but so tender smile at the mention of your older brother Anton, who was always blushing and shy in front of the girls. And Tonia, who, as she herself said, didn't believe in all this nonsense with fortune-telling. However, at the same time, she was looking forward to cherished days for rituals...

"Brother... I... I want to go home..."

"I know, my little rascal, and we will definitely go home..."

Enjoying a moment of happiness and such a pleasant, domestic tranquility, you do not see Ajax's eyes and do not think about the evil words of other children. you only think about home. When, at the same time, your older brother, seeing how you calm down, he starts thinking about your classmates and teachers again...

"I just need to sort something out first..."

#reader #platonic yandere #yandere #platonic #platonic genshin impact #child reader #yandere platonic #platonic tartaglia #platonic childe #yandere tartaglia #yandere childe #platonic yandere Tartaglia #platonic yandere childe #yandere genshin #genshin impact

[the-fiction-witch]

Young Love P2

Media The Artful Dodger

Character Jack Dawkins

Couple Jack X Reader

Rating SMUT

Requested I NEED part 2. I love it. Must need part twoooo This is amazing! Waiting for part 2 part 2 plsss ❤️❤️ Part 2 please I can't wait for part 2 ❤ Part 2 plsss I it's so cute I couldn't help myself but laugh because I would have done the same thing to my friends

I sat at the table on my third drink since I took my seat, My family of course was eager to ask questions but I didn't want to speak. Maybe this was all a terrible idea. 

"So Dr Dawkins, how long have you been seeing our sweet Y/n?" My mother asked,

"Ohh Almost a year now, isn't that right my darling?" He smirked in my direction, his hand coming to settle on my thigh

I glared but smiled and nodded, before I quickly grabbed his hand and crushed it as I forced his hand away,

"oww" He complained to quiet for anyone at the table to notice, "Don't be vicious darling." he whispered,

"Ohh that's just lovely," Magnolia smiled, "Reminds me of our own courtship." she smiled at her husband Sam, 

"And tell me do you have intentions to continue with my daughter?" My father asked,

"Ohh yes, certainly sir." He nodded, "We were thinking of a spring wedding weren't we my darling?" He smiled leaning on his hand and blowing me a kiss, But I stomped on his foot under the table, He shot me a look as everyone talked about themselves "I'm doing what you asked."

"Dail it back loverboy." 

"So? Do you two think soon we can expect splendid news?" my mother asked and the table silenced,

"Yes, very soon I'm sure." He answered,

"Ohh wonderful!" She smiled, 

"And of course, we'd be expecting young ones?" My father offered,

"Ohh Absolutely, we had discussed it, of course, four children we were thinking my darling?"

I glared at him with rage "Yes... Dear." 

"Wonderful! Young love is so sweet and beautiful now we only have little melody and all our sweet little ones will have a love of their own," My mother smiled, "Ohh how I remember the moonlit strolls, the sweet shared cookies, the secret words whispered at windows, the thrill of love bites hidden from others eyes, of muffling the lustful sounds of intimacy behind pillows for fear of walking the house, the unbridled torment and ecstasy of young love." 

 I held my breath trying not to answer, my parents had always been like this so affectionate for each other that they often failed to realize that's not the sort of thing you tell your children about when you are their age. 

"But of course, you two must be well aware of such things,"

"...yes absolutely," He nodded, "Your uhhh" he coughed," Your daughter and I are well aware."

"Wonderful, and of course now you are no longer a secret Dr Dawkins, you are welcome to stay the night with y/n so long as you two just let us know." my mother smiled,

"We wouldn't want any sudden interruptions now would we?" My father added,

"I- I Can?" He gulped, 

"Of course, we trust a doctor to know the best ways to... help our daughter," my father winked at Jack,

"Yes, of course." Jack nodded shooting me a glance as if to ask 'Are they serious?' and I just nodded in return, "well that uhh that will be nice won't it darling" 

"Yes... it will" I rolled my eyes 

Once dinner was done I very quickly took Jack back to my room mostly to try and hide, Immediately I jumped on my bed and hid my face away, 

"Your uhhh your parents are weird."

"Yeah, I know..."

"They have literally only met me for dinner, and they are completely fine with me banging you." 

"Jack, don't call it that."

"Having sex with you then. They are... really accommodating..." 

"They are weird."

"yeah they are... and it's bloody weird, I feel kinda bad I'm not having sex with you they seemed like they really wanted me too, I feel like I'm a disappointment all of a sudden." 

"the deal was cookies and Beer Jack I'm not sleeping with you."

"Can we amend the deal?"

"To?"

"Every time I need to pretend to be your boyfriend, you have to sleep with me."

"No."

"Then the deal is off and I'm telling them-" he said heading to the door

"No no no!" I stood and grabbed his arm, "ughhhh fine! One orgasm per performance."

"Not one orgasm, sex."

"Ohh sex is finished after you orgasm"

"Not necessarily, One orgasm could be you just pawn me off with a handjob and my performances are worth way more than that." 

"Fine... Sex. Per performance."

"Thank you, I will accept a blow job."

"I bet you would, it's just easier for me to sleep with you at least then I can lay down and my jaw doesn't get tired." 

"Good, we have a deal?"

"Do I still owe you a pound a kiss?"

"Let's say a kiss for a kiss how about that?"

"Fine."I sighed, 

"Good, we're agreed then, Now? where's my reward for such a stellar performance darling?" He cooed wrapping his arms around my waist,

"I'm really gonna hate you aren't I?"

"Yeah you are, but you can't argue 'cause you wanted this." He smirked, "You asked me to pretend to be your boyfriend, so I'm being your boyfriend," he smirked grabbing my arse,

"Fine, let's just get this over with. And don't be loud I already know my parents are assuming there fucking in here I'd rather it not be confirmed," I sighed moving to the bed,

"Grumpy little girly today,"

"Just get this over with Jack." I sighed, 

"Alright, how do you want me darling?" He smirked crawling on my bed, "I get to hold your hips and thrust your face into your pillow? do I get to hold your legs around my neck? or am I gonna get you bouncing on my cock?"

"You get to work with the side while I lay down with my book," I told him laying on my side and grabbing a book, He rolled his eyes as he slipped his waistcoat and shirt off laying down beside me and wrapping his arms around me and kissing my shoulder, He took my book from my hand and tossed it to the side "Hey!"

"You're not going to need to entertain yourself with me, darling," he cooed as leant down to nibble and kiss my neck tugging down my dress to expose my shoulder to him his kisses getting more intense and lustful slightly biting,

"Don't bite Jack i don't need my mother pointing them out,"

"Aww come on? it'll be cute, I want them to look at you, see your cute little hickies and say humm look what Doctor Dawkins did to Y/n" 

"One Hickie." I warn,

"I better make it count then," he growled, he kissed up my neck and found a spot I couldn't hide he made sure to nibble and kiss it first before he bit me like a goddamn vampire from one of my romance novels leaving a hard dark hickie on my neck I did my best not to gasp but it was fairly difficult given his attention his hand quickly undid my dress and slipped his hand under the now looser fabric to grab my breast "Ohh perky little girly aren't you?" 

"Hey, I said sex I said nothing about my boobs."

"Boobs are a very important part of sex, come on I just wanna make you feel good too why do you keep trying to stop me?" he cooed between kisses, "ohhh your body doesn't wanna stop me?" he growled as his hand grabbing and groping my breast had caused my nipple to get a little hard "Listen to your body darling," He growled tugging on my nipple to make it even harder before pinching it between his fingers and rolling the tip between his fingers 

"Ughhh!" I squealed before clamping a hand over my mouth

"Awww see, you are enjoying it." He smirked, "Humm imagine your family are tucking themselves in bed right now, all of them can hear you screaming, and they all know what we are doing." he smirked, 

"There just assuming."

"True, so even if you don't make any noise you know your whole family is sitting in their beds knowing I'm about to bang your cute little body," 

"Jack don't call it that."

"Bang, fuck, sex, whatever word you wanna call it... " He rolled his eyes tugging up my dress till he exposed my skin "Ohhh now that's a little juicer then I expected." he smirked smacking my arse

"Hey! Jack! don't I'll-"

"Aww you don't want me to make you too sore? Don't worry darling I'm gonna make you so sore your cute little arse can't even sit down to dinner with them tomorrow." He smirked forcing down my panties and moving his hand to stroke my clit, Immediately I bit my pillow not wanting to give him the satisfaction that I was enjoying it, "Awww what a cute little girly, such a pretty little pussy, open your legs or I'll throw you on your knees." 

I knew I couldn't argue so I moved my leg to let him work, 

"humm what a good girly," he cooed undoing his own pants and tugging them down, he gave himself a few gentle strokes before he slipping himself inside me "Ughhh fuck! Ummm! you should have made me your fake boyfriend years ago" he growled as he held my hips firmly digging his nails into my skin as he aggressively thrusted,

"And why is that?" I asked trying so hard not to scream as I felt the pleasure of him moving 

"cause I've been waiting to fuck you since I met you, if I'd known faking being your boyfriend for one night was all it took to get up in my little girly, Humm your family would want me marrying you by now after all these years." He growled, often biting and kissing my neck with the movement of his hips. 

"Ughhh Jack," I began to whine from the overwhelming pleasure my eyes often rolling back, 

"Awww see you do love me," he smirked, "Don't worry little girly, I'll make you cum" he smirked rubbing on my clit as he thrusted my bed creaking and banging against the wall from our movements, "Ummm listen to that fucking noise your parents must think there banging like rabbits." he growled, "Then again, I guess we are aren't we." 

"Jack faster please-"

"Yeah? Ughh you sound so good begging me for more, But... I can't, you feel you good little girly" He began to slow so I gritted my teeth, I hated admitting it, I hated what I was about to do, and the endless satisfaction it would give him, 

.... I'd never live what I'm about to do down... 

But I'm not stopping, I pushed his hips gently turning us so he laid on his back and I sat on top of him gently moving my hips at the speed I wanted him at,

"Ohhh fuck! you bad bad girl!" He growled grabbing my hips to guide me to bounce on him, I admit he looked amazing laid on my bed in only his shirt, his hair slightly sweaty and out of place, leant on his elbows against my pillows moaning under me as I worked, "Ughhhhh fuck! yeah? you want me darling? I'm not even your real boyfriend and you need me so badly?" 

"You are a cocky little bastard, Jack,"

"Yeah, I am. You seem to be enjoying my cock enough though," he smirked, "Ummmm! why the hell did I spend so long playing card with you, I should have been bending you over the table" 

"You bend me over the table I'll bite you."

"That a promise little girly?" he smirked slapping my arse as I got faster and faster, "Or maybe you'll just feel me inside you and remember how good I make you feel." 

"Ughh just shut up and move Jack!" I yelled moving his hand to my clit, he happily began rubbing on it again his other hand grabbed my dress almost ripping it to force it away enough to get at my breast which he happily groped and plaid with my nipple, "Ughhhhh!"

"Ughhhh fuck you sound so good!" he groaned, "humm what would your family say they saw you like this, their cute little daughter bouncing on her doctor?" he gasped, 

"Knowing my parents... they'd probably correct us on something."

"annoyingly I think you're kinda right." he joked, 

 but I reached my peak biting his neck as I did which in turn got him to his own edge burying himself deep inside me 

"UGhhhhhhhhhh! Yes! yes! Y/n!" 

I did my best riding it out as he all but collapsed against bed until I couldn't move anymore and I fell face-first into my pillow on the other side of the bed, we gasped and tried to regain our composure, 

"I'm really gonna enjoy this arrangement..." 

"Ohh shut up Jack..." 

"Love you too darling."

I yawned and forced myself up, my body still knotted up with Jack as after all that had happened last night we just kinda collapsed and slept in one another arms, still in our clothes from last night, I forced myself up and rubbed my eyes for a moment looking at Jack as he slept, humm... for such a cocky dick, he can be kinda cute when he's sleeping, I smiled a plaid with his hair a little which didn't even make him stir, so I moved and gave his lips a little kiss, but as I pulled back he opened his eyes, 

"Morning,"

"AHh! Christ you made me jump!" I complained, "I didn't know you were up,"

"I'm awake... just about." 

"Morning,"

"Morning," He smiled, 

"Particular reason you're still here?" I asked climbing out of bed,

"I'm meant to be your boyfriend, aren't I? Boyfriends sleep over sometimes."

"Do they?" I asked starting to change out of my dress from yesterday, 

"They do, they cosy and cuddle up with your girlfriends"

"weird,"

"We did have sex last night."

"I know, I'm still sore and... sticky." 

"Yeah sorry about that, I'd have pulled out but... you were a little too vicious with me."

"Still I'd much prefer we have sex and you bugger off."

"That's not how boyfriends work Y/n."

"Yeah well, I don't like boyfriends, hence the whole point of you faking to be mine." 

he smirked looking at me 

"What?"

"You're really wondering why I'm looking at you when you stood at the foot of the bed without your dress?"

I rolled my eyes, "You're a doctor I don't care, you've seen a hundred naked ladies, plus anything important I have you saw last night anyway."

"True." He smirked, "What is your issue with boyfriends?"

"Fictional men are better, you ever read anything by Jane Austin? Ever. Trust me after Frederick Wentworth or Fitzwilliam Darcy." I explained, "You can't go back to the chaos of real men." 

"You can't fuck a book y/n." 

"I would if I could Jack." I said getting a clean dress for the day, but he moved to the end of the bed not bother to tug his pants up and grabbing my waist to pull me to stand naked between his legs 

"That what you want little girly? You want me to quote Jane Austin at you, to read you a Shakespearian sonnet, to make you feel loved?"

"... couldn't hurt Jack," I admit, 

He smirked kissing my sternum as he spoke "In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."

I gasped doing my best not to squeal as I looked down at him,

"Like that darling?"

"Eep." I squeaked, 

"Aww you're so cute little girly," He smirked, he slapped my arse and continued to kiss my chest and breasts, "You're cute when you let the hard shell down a little." 

I was about to speak but my bedroom door opened to my mother, Immediately I grabbed the sheet to cover my naked body leaving Jack to grab the hem of his shirt to cover himself too, but it was kinda too late, "Mother!"

"oh, do excuse me. Breakfast is ready." She smiled, and for a moment her eyes looked over me she obviously saw what was happening before I grabbed the sheet but she looked carefully now to ensure she saw exactly what was happening, and for a moment her eyes lingered on Jack a moment as if she was.. inspecting him, "Will you be joining us Dr Dawkins?"

"Uhhhh yeah, yeah I will," he nodded sheepishly given he not only got caught half-naked by my her but also making out with the breasts of her naked daughter, 

"Good, well I'll be off then," She smiled leaving the room and shutting the door behind her, 

"she saw us?"

"Yeah, she definitely saw us." I sighed, "Fuck." 

#thomasbrodiesangster #tbs smut #thomas sangster imagine #tbs imagines #thomas brodie sangster imagine #tbs imagine #thomas brodie sangster smut #thomas brodie sangster #thomas sangster #tbs #jackdawkins #jack #jack dawkins #the artful dodger #thearttfuldodger #theartfuldogger

[hotchfiles]

HIIIII!!!! saw ur post ab the bash, wanted to rq remus lupin using the prompt “every time i try to make something right, i always hurt someone” CONGRATS ON 100!!!!

lari's 100th follower bash + send me a prompt and one of my boys for a blurb

remus + “every time i try to make something right, i always hurt someone”

remus was the most loyal person anyone could meet. he would die before betraying the ones he trusted. he would kill to protect them. he was also a big fat liar, and you were still trying to understand how to trust him when those two truths lived in him so easily. he was so fearful of losing people lying became second nature, afraid the truth would be worse.

maybe if he was a good liar it wouldn't be much a problem, but he wasn't. his voice would crack, his eyes would avoid you, his face would be immediately sweaty. then you would not only be mad at him for the original reason (almost leaving you, telling people he would leave you, hiding the extent of his hurt, being secretive about his orders from dumbledore) but mostly because he was lying.

at least those seemed somewhat reasonable to lie about, but the argument you two were having now had not an ounce of reason. "someone flirts with you constantly. you don't tell her off, fine. she tries to kiss you and then you just avoid her. fine." you're walking around, listing what you had heard from sirius earlier, your hands gripping on the waist line of your shirt, controlling yourself, your anger. it definitely wasn't fine. "then i meet her and you tell me she's just someone from work?"

"i'm aware it doesn't look goo—" you cut him right away, not even giving him space to try and save his werewolf ass from the mess he had got himself him.

"oh no, it does not. it looks terrible, lupin, what're you doing? keeping safe spaces you can run to when you do decide to actually leave me?" you weren't the type to bring back old wounds to fresh fights, but that was one that would never completely heal. you would always remember lily's worried voice telling you about how remus asked james for help getting away. or when you woke up on a random morning monday, his baggage still done, his face pleading for forgiveness for having almost left.

"i—will not explain myself again." he kept thinking the more he talked, the more the argument would escalate and somewhere you would notice for yourself he wasn't good. he couldn't deal with that right now. he actually felt loved with you, a type of love he didn't have to exhaust himself trying to earn it. you always just gave him, he was terrified you'd take it back if you two kept fighting.

"yeah don't, you might actually tell me the truth for once, wouldn't want that." your tongue drips of venom, even if barely loud enough for him to hear, the loud sigh you let out after almost hiding away your anger. before he could even reply, your tired steps headed to the room you both shared. the tears you've been swallowing trying hard to come forward, the air on your lungs becoming thinner and thinner. you drop to the floor as soon as you get to it, laying down as flat and quiet as you could.

you needed to calm down.

breath in. breath out.

you spend good time like that, your eyes closed, your mind focused on not freaking out. you weren't jealous, that wasn't the issue, being kept in the dark was the issue. if he just told you from the beginning you two could've joked about it, it would't be a big deal. the lying was a big deal. especially when he tried so hard to keep those details away from you, he was actually capable of being a good liar. that was worrisome.

you don't hear his steps, or the way he leans on the door frame watching you. you only feel his presence when he notices your breathing is calmer, and he lays on the floor by your side, looking up the ceiling, his fingers intertwined on the back of his head.

"every time i try to make something right, i always hurt someone." his voice is quiet, sincere, it doesn't ask for your pity, it doesn't make him the victim. it just is. he's just telling you. "sincerely, my love, i just didn't want to upset you... i was—i was scared you would think it was me giving her signs. i was terrified of it, honestly, merlin i—i'm always afraid. there's your truth." you don't reply for an instant, he doesn't move either.

you roll your body closer to him, his arm finds home underneath your shoulders, pulling you to his chest. you feel his heartbeat. his cologne. "such an idiot." he chuckles into your hair, even though he knows you're not joking, you're not trying to lighten the mood. "stop trying to make things right, you don't know what that is." you say finally, your final opinion on the matter. it was true, he had been running away from every conflict, trying to lie his ass out of problems for so long that for him, those were the right choices. the obvious choices.

it stings, the firmness on your voice, but not only he deserves it, he's glad you're still lying on him, your fingers rubbing his chest lightly. you were never afraid to tell him the truth, didn't matter how harsh. and it never hurt him more than he had hurt you by lying. it actually made him love you even more.

he vows silently then, to make things right by you, and with you, to protect you in the same ways you would him. if re-learning what right and wrong would be the thing to avoid hurting you, then he would do that. if learning to be confrontational, to speak his mind... if those were necessary, then he would. he promises to himself only. he keeps that promise.

"stay with me and i swear i won't be afraid anymore."

#THANK YOU SO MUCHHHHH #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin scenario #remus lupin imagine #remus x you #remus x reader #remus x y/n #remus scenario #remus imagine #marauders x reader #marauders x you #marauders x y/n #lari's 100th

[alittlebit0fmayhem]

𝙻𝚊 𝚅𝚒𝚎 𝚎𝚗 𝚁𝚘𝚜𝚎

I siriusly don't know why I've chosen now to fall back into my marauders phase, mais c'est la vie...

(see what I did there?)

I've taken French for literally five years, (I'm nowhere near fluent tho) so I have no idea why it's taken me so long to incorporate it into my writing.

In all honesty, I'm doing great mentally, but I've been pining for some wolfstar! x reader angst, and I haven't really found any that meet my fancy yet soooooo.

Fine I'll do it myself.

Summary: You were a hopeless romantic who had always tended to see things through rose colored glasses, falling in love with the idea of falling in love. Each new infatuation came to you like a fascination ready to be explored, there was nothing you loved more than the head-games of an all consuming crush. That was until, the latest object of attraction became two boys so incredibly and viscerally out of your reach.

Warnings: Angst! (like a lot), Unrequited love, fluff for a mere second, tbh I feel like it is funny at moments???

Once again, if you see any formatting/grammatical errors, please let me know!

Enjoy <3

———–

It had all been fun and games, it never really mattered, until it did.

It was no secret, to your family, your friends, and least of all you. You loved falling in love.

Bi-monthly, and sometimes depending on the circumstance, bi-weekly you waltzed into the Gryffindor common room with a new tale of budding romance to share with your friends. And they'd just look at you and smile,

"Ah, our (Y/N), ever the helpless romantic." they'd say, all the while you'd confirm their statements with a blush or grin.

It was harmless, innocent, you had made quite the reputation for yourself around Hogwarts.

Anyone who got involved with you knew your tendencies, that your heart could change pace like the seasons came and went. Each boy and girl you set your sights on was like a new game of chess for your dazzling beauty and quick wits to conquer.

Which, you knew in retrospect sounded terrible, but you also knew you were young, and that relationships and love should be something to explore, not something to hold you down.

Besides, it wasn't like they didn't mean anything to you, you felt heartbreak when it was said and done with. To you, the growth and rebirth that came with romance was something equally as beautiful as the summits and triumphs.

You had a sneaking suspicion, that if the Greeks and Romans were right about their gods, you had to have been under Aphrodite's watchful eye.

Coming up on your last year of Hogwarts, you had become unbeatable. You had captured so many suitors, there were even lingering rumors of Veela tainting your blood.

Of course, they were all false, though, you'd never tell anyone otherwise. Because, what fun would that be?

You had at least one crash-and-burn love story from every house to tell, it even got to the point that people were courting you with the intention of "taming" your rampage.

Never, had there been a crush you couldn't bounce back from, no matter how close to breaking you came, you never did.

That was until you just had to go and viciously fuck yourself over.

Your thoroughly used vinyl of La Vie en Rose echoed through your dorm room as it spun for what might've been the millionth time, lyrics serving as a cruel jab toward your current situation.

Des yeux qui font baisser les miens,

You hadn't meant for it turn to out this way. For the first time in your entire life, there you sat, face stuffed into your pillow, wishing to Merlin that your heart could just bleed out of your chest.

Maybe then, it wouldn't be something you'd have to deal with, and you could forget about the prospect of falling in love together.

Un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche,

It wasn't too late at all, it was just after dinner, and the rest of your dorm mates had cleared to the common room to celebrate the winning quidditch match that had transpired hours earlier.

On any usual occasion, you'd been down there with them, curled up on the couch next to Lilly, Mary, or Marlene, sipping rum-infused butter beer in content.

Instead, you were curled up alone, bathed in the dim light of your bedside candle, shivering from the cold.

Your blanket had fallen half down your body nearly fifteen minutes ago, and yet, the last thing on your mind was pulling it back up.

Voila le portrait sans retouches,

You had made some lame excuse as to why you would be exempt from tonight's actives, claiming you wanted to brush up on your divination for the exam at the end of the week.

Everyone had bought it, too high on youthful excitement and laughter to stop once more and examine the dark circles under your eyes.

De l'homme auquel j'appartiens,

As you stuffed your face further into the cotton pillowcase, you desperately wished the ground would open up and take you somewhere dark and quiet. Somewhere you could forget that you existed, so you could stop feeling like such a horrible human being.

Your mind had been clouded with buzzing jumbled thoughts for what felt like hours, never ceasing to give you a moment to rest. You surely thought your ears would start bleeding from how hard you had been thinking all day.

Quand il me prend dans ses bras,

You had now reached a point, with your uniform discarded haphazardly on the floor, and the sleep shirt you garnered swallowing you whole, where your brain had become filled with white noise.

The only coherent thought you could form right now, was how the hell did I get here?

Il me parle l'a tout bas,

Which of course, led you back into a rabbit hole of memories.

Je vois,

 la vie en rose...

The infirmary's visiting hours were long over, the only company you had to keep was the first year who had fallen out of a tree that was sleeping in the cot next to you.

You should've been fast asleep by now, but you couldn't bring yourself to count a single sheep. 

You weren't there for any real injury, a prank the boys had pulled a few hours earlier had backfired, and you had gotten the brunt of their mistake.

What was supposed to be a "pimple-inducing glitter rocket" (you had no idea how they got so creative) headed straight for Severus Snape, was quickly dogged by the intended victim, and who else was so lucky to be standing a few feet behind him, but you?

After a quick potion, you were fine, but you felt a little nauseous from the drink, and a little woozy from all the excitement, so you decided to stay there for the night.

A decision you were vastly regretting, as it was coming up on midnight and you had absolutely nothing to do. 

You had resorted to trying to write a letter to a boy you broke up with two days prior, he had left on quite a sour note, and truthfully you felt a bit awful for him.

It wasn't necessarily his fault, like many prior partners, you'd just grown uninterested. You figured you should at least leave him a note apologizing for the entire ordeal, even if it did get left in the bin.

That would've been great and all, only, you had no bloody idea what to write.

This had to have been the fourth page of parchment you had crumbled up and discarded next to you. With the thin sheet from the hospital bed drawn over you, you sat dumbfounded, cross-legged with a small, pink, dancing flame next to your quill. 

You had started writing the beginning sentence, but then again, nothing came to mind after that. Your regularly admired face was scrunched up deep in thought, your nightgown slipping down one shoulder as you held the feather deep in concentration. 

You re-read what you already had, and decided to just follow up with whatever came to mind. Perhaps, you were thinking too hard. 

After much consideration, you began writing once more, 

"I'm sorry I got bored of you-" scratch. Nope, that was dreadful, this was a lost cause, and you were wretched. 

You huffed dismally, with no regard for the boy sleeping only a few feet away, and just as you prepared to snuff the light out, and try to achieve some shut-eye, you heard it.

You heard the door to the hospital wing slowly squeak open. 

You paused, who would be coming in at this hour?

You turned to the small flame dancing on the candle seated next to you and snuffed it with a pinch before grabbing your wand which was next to it.

"Lumos." You whispered, as a small orb of light spouted from the end of your wand, you dragged the sheet off your form.

You looked around the hospital wing, from the dozing first year to the grand windows that lined both walls, and finally, to the door.

Though open, no one besides you and the boy seemed to be in the room.

But you were raised by wizards and were best friends with the most ruthless tricksters Hogwarts had ever seen, so you know better than to glance only at surface level.

Slowly, you turned and lowered your feet onto the cold stone floor. 

As you tip-toed around your bed, eyes squinting and wand raised high, you spoke aloud.

"Who's there?" Apart from the echo of your voice, and the murmurs from the boy next to you who stirred slightly, silence.

You stepped forward a few more paces so that you were in the center of the room.

"Show yourself!" You spoke slightly louder and turned in all directions as if hoping to catch any movement.

Nothing. 

You sighed, perhaps you were just a lunatic, and the door had blown open on its own. You turned to walk back to your bed, and just as you took one step, you were interrupted by what nearly made you shit yourself.

"Hello, dear." 

A voice cut through the air next to you, and you screamed on pure instinct.

Well, you would've, if not for the hand shooting out of the darkness to cover your mouth. You swung your wand in the direction of your assailant and were met with a sight completely unexpected. 

Remus Lupin's big brown eyes, illuminated by your wand stared back at you. Or rather, down at you. 

The significantly taller boy was heaving, his ruffled oaky hair falling slightly in his face, which held an expression that suggested you had scared him. The light traced his scars, and his large, cut-covered hand closed around almost the whole bottom half of your face.

You couldn't help but think; how pretty Remus Lupin looked at that moment.

He gulped, a smile tugging at his lips as his expression shifted into one of slight amusement, "Alright love, I'm going to remove my hand now, and you are going to promise me you won't scream at us."

His voice was a soft whisper and reminded you of the rocky seashore you used to visit every summer with your parents when you were little. 

It sent a shiver down your spine, had it always had that effect?

You then reconsidered his wording, Us? Your eyes shifted to his right, and there you were met with an even more surprising sight. 

Sirius Black stood with one hand in his pocket, and the other clenching James Potter's invisibility cloak.

"Of course." You thought.

He stood with an air of relaxation like he always did. His annoyingly beautiful face was drawn in mirth, though far more sheening than Remus'.

His brows were raised, and his eyes regarded your appearance with what could only be described as mischief, as a feathery strand of his rebellious raven hair dipped between his eyes. 

He winked at you after you had seemed to stare for a little too long, causing you to snap out of your bewilderment, and look back to Remus, who remained rooted in the same spot looking at you expectantly. 

You nodded at him, holding his gaze, which seemed far too intense for a boy his age. For whatever reason, he nodded back. 

He removed his hand, and just as he did, you swatted it away and stepped back.

"What in Merlin's name are you both doing here?! You scared the hell out of me!" You whisper-shouted at the pair. The two boys smiled youthfully at you in response.

Sirius finally swaggered forward, and past you, not refraining from brushing against you as he did. He turned and plopped down on your bed, discarding James' cloak next to him.

In his natural air of arrogance, he leaned back on his palms and lolled his head to the side, grinning up at you.

"We thought our girl could use some company, didn't we Moony?" 

Against your better judgment, you rolled your eyes and swayed to look at Remus, who remained smiling down at you. 

Annoyingly, a smile of your own made its way onto your face.

It was no secret that out of the group you, Sirius, and Remus were close in a way that the others weren't.

I mean, of course, the boys, and you and the girls would always be close in your respective ways, but for some reason, you three just seemed to click in a weird, and almost perfect way.

It wasn't like they called any other girl in the friend group "their girl", and it wasn't like you'd go through the animagus process for just anyone. 

Remus bit his tongue, his eyes flickered from Sirius', and back to yours before he nodded once more.

Suddenly, he pulled his wand from his pocket and lit a candle on a bedside table across the room, so that your wand could be lowered and placed gingerly in the pocket of your nightgown.

 As he returned his wand to his pocket all the same, he stepped forward and took both your hands in his own, swinging them back and forth idly, "Yeah, that and we wanted to apologize again for being the reason you're in here in the first place."

"Even though it was James' idea to begin with!" Sirius' voice beckoned from behind you.

Remus shot him a glare over your head before looking back down at you and rolling his eyes, swiping his thumb gently across the back of your hand, "Yes," he droned begrudgingly, "even though." 

You bit your bottom lip while grinning in an attempt to conceal the laughter rising in your throat.

You released one of his hands, still gripping the other as you spun yourself around and face Sirius, who was now sitting cross-legged on the bed. 

You couldn't help the content sigh that escaped your lips as you regarded the look of merriment and genuineness that graced Sirius' face. 

You took turns looking between both boys before saying, "Consider yourselves forgiven, though I have a feeling that wasn't the only thing you came for."

"You'd be right to assume, Lovebug," Remus responded. Another thing, there wasn't a soul on the planet save for Remus and Sirius who called you Lovebug.

It was a title fashioned for your romantic tendencies, and it suited you quite well.

Sirius suddenly hopped to a stand, before taking his wand to poke the sleeping boy's foot ever so slightly, "We are taking you to the astronomy tower, to watch the crescent moon." He said nonchalantly, you scoffed in disbelief. 

"Right now? But Sirius I'm in a bloody nightgown, not to mention barefoot, and all my things-"

You were cut off by Remus, whose arms had suddenly wrapped around your shoulders, "Relax darling, we'll have you back before the sun rises, maybe we'll even take your things and you back to the dorm where you belong." 

You chuffed, "But-"

"As for the nightgown and lack of shoes, we can assure you, love, you look absolutely smashing in it, and have cute enough feet for it not to be too grotesque." Sirius winked.

You sighed and tried to ignore the light blush that settled across your cheeks, drowned out by the darkness.

You groaned petulantly like a child as you struggled to come up with a counterpoint, and leaned into Remus' lankily muscular build.

"C'mon Darling, it's your favorite moon cycle, and we know you must be bored to tears." 

You froze as Remus' smooth voice resonated against the shell of your ear, his breath fanning over you slightly.

It was then you became aware of just how dipped in his scent you were, it completely engulfed you, the smell of pinewood, candle wax, and parchment. 

You cleared your throat, before Sirius interjected once more, "Evidently, by the literary devices she's turned to to cope."

Your eyes widened, as your headshot over to Sirius, who had now grabbed and held the parchment you had forgotten you left on your bed.

His hair created a curtain around his face as he leaned over to read it, still though you could make out the shit-eating grin on his face as he did so. 

"Dear Callum, I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from at the moment, but I'm sorry I got bored of you-" He read aloud in a high-pitched voice before he broke down into laughter.

You wrenched out of Remus' hold before surging forward and snatching the paper from his hand and shoving him slightly.

"Give me that you oaf!" You hissed lowly.

He snicked and pulled you into a hug, "Oh come now, you know I'm only joking lovely, please don't leave me! I promise never to bore you!" He sang, you elbowed him in rebuttal.

"Alright, fine! FINE! I will go, will you stop it now?!" You snapped, his laughter eventually died down as he hummed and looked down at you.

You craned your neck to meet his gaze, "Ah, knew you'd come around Lovebug, right then off we go!" He announced before spinning you and setting you down on the ground.

You watched as he practically skipped over to Remus, before grabbing the boy by the jaw and pulling him into a simple kiss.

Yet another symbol of your closeness, you were one of the only ones who knew that the two were more than just friends.

Remus hummed before returning the kiss and pulling away.

Sirius leaned into his neck, "Told you she'd come around Moony."

Remus licked his lips and gave you a half-lidded once over, not even he could contain the dim beam that spread across his face. 

"Course she did, she's our girl after all." He mused.

In an instant, the smile dropped from your face.

It was then, for the first time in a long time, you felt something. Like a punch in the gut, one that you knew familiarly, but not to this extent. 

The air in your lungs seemed to leave you all at once, as a cold hotness spread over you.

Your vision began to tunnel, as your ears filled with wind, and you became all too aware of the sweat that coated your palms.

"No," you thought, "no way."

 Your heartbeat quickened, and you desperately hoped that with Remus' advanced senses, he couldn't hear it. 

There was no way this was happening, not to you, not right now.

It was such a simple sentence, one you were sure he and Sirius had uttered to you before, so why did it ignite this feeling in you?

Why, did you have to have such a reaction, and why now? 

You wiped the sweat that sprouted from your palms on your nightgown and could feel some new form on the nape of your neck.

It felt as though the air of comfortability from earlier had evaporated, replaced with a thick blanket of awkwardness and anxiety, at least on your part.

The boys you had leaned into so carelessly before, had now become the two people you wanted to be furthest from.

You knew this feeling, you knew what it was, and normally, you'd welcome it like an old friend. But not this time, not for them. 

Why, did it have to be them?

"(Y/N)" Sirius' question shook you from your state of silent panic. You blinked and swallowed a thick glob of your saliva. 

"Yeah?" Your voice was far less even than it had been a second ago, it wavered and shook much without you meaning it to.

The boys looked at you with confusion drawn over their expressions, "You ready to go?" Remus said as if you were some dimwitted puppy. 

Your eyelids flickered, and you took a deep breath. "Yeah, sorry, I just zoned out, must be the after-effects of the potion." You lied through your teeth. 

They nodded at you, still seeming suspicious of your behavior but not questioning the matter further.

Each boy extended a hand, and you almost let out a shattered sigh as you slowly stepped forward and took each hand in your own.

As you three began walking to the door, and you plastered a smile on your face, you began to hear your voice screaming inside your head.

In an instant, you knew what you had done. 

You'd just gone and fallen in love with two boys you knew you couldn't have.

That exchange had transpired a week ago, and ever since then, you'd been spiraling.

You felt hot tears gather in your eyes as you recounted it redundantly. In your mind, there were layers to how fucked up this was.

You can't like two people at once, that's utterly selfish. You berated yourself, especially since those two people are dating each other, not to mention two boys! Not to mention even more two boys that just so happen to be your best friends!

You groaned as you rubbed your temples, blinking back the tears.

Any logical, normal person would've taken the high road, and just silently waited until this infatuation passed.

But as you were reminded incessantly, you were the furthest from logical, or normal.

The longer you lingered with this knowledge, the more unbearable it became.

Every moment you spent trying not to think about Sirius or Remus, was another moment in which your little crush turned into a full-blown obsession.

At first, you had resigned to pretending as if nothing was amiss, forcing smiles and hoping they couldn't tell. But every day you felt your resolve weakening, and so as of today, you had completely avoided them at all costs.

Then, you just had to let your friends drag you to that stupid quidditch match.

You had managed to sit as far from Remus as possible and tried to push through through the awkwardness, which worked for awhile, and then the world had to go and give you another slap in the face.

After James had caught the snitch, you were dealt the misfortune of locking eyes with Sirius, who, high on excitement as he was, decided to beam at you, and blow you a fucking kiss.

Damn Sirius Black for being the natural flirt he was, and damn his stupidly perfect face.

You knew in hindsight it was just Sirius being Sirius, he was head over heels for Remus.

It's not like he knew how much he made your heart flutter from that simple act alone.

But the side effects of it were damning, and whilst you got by with averting eye contact and keeping to yourself for the walk back to the castle, you refused to risk a much more obvious reaction given the boys pull anything else.

You sighed, again, as you shut your eyes and listened to the last lyric that played from your vinyl.

Et, dès que je l'apercois, alors je sens en moiI, mon coeur qui bat...

You bit the inside of your cottoned mouth, and gulped sending a sting down your dry throat.

Your favorite song was beginning to sound like torture every time you translated its meaning in your head.

Yes, you thought bitterly, I see life through rose-colored glasses, and look where that's got me now.

Finally, you opened your eyes. God, your side of the dorm was a mess, Lily was going to kill you.

Not that it wouldn't be deserved, you shot at yourself.

With all the remaining strength in your body, you pushed yourself off your bed. The needle on your record player had finally reached the center of the vinyl, meaning it was time for you to get up and move it again.

As your feet landed on the cold floor, you winced, rolling your ankles to re-attune your body to movement.

After a moment you stood, not missing the blackness that pinched at your view from your lightheaded state. You began to walk across the room, ignoring the cries that sounded from your locked joints.

Your brain felt fuzzy, and your movements were reduced to emotionless and empty.

You stopped in front of the table on which your record player sat, and lifted a weak, trembling hand to the needle.

And as you picked up, and moved it to the edge, allowing the song to replay once more, you heard the startling sound of the door creaking open.

You didn't bother to look at her, instead, you closed your eyes and inhaled in preparation for what was to come.

"Godrick, (Y/N) the room's a mess, what have you been doing all this time?!"

Lily's maternal croon should've at least offered a morsel of comfort, and yet, all it did was cause more tears to sting the corners of your eyes.

Your ears filled with ocean sounds as Lily began to parade around the room, picking up all your discarded articles of clothing, too lost in her own ramblings to notice the air of gloom that hung over you.

You bit your lip as you shut your eyes tightly, trying desperately to keep any more tears from running freely down your rosy cheeks.

Lily had this way about her, she was too comforting, too emotion-invoking.

You wished she would've just stayed downstairs for one more hour, at least then you would've more had time to collect yourself.

But she didn't, she was here, and she was going to witness you in the state that you were; raw, terrified, and utterly humiliated.

Your mind had turned into a wind tunnel of thoughts and feelings, preventing you from noticing how Lily had halted her movements and slighted her gaze to your now shaking form.

"(Y/N)? Lovie? Are you alright?"

You opened your eyes and looked up at the ceiling for one moment, teeth biting down harder on your trembling lip.

Finally, you turned and met her head-on.

Lily gasped in spite of herself, "Oh, Y/N." she whispered, brows stitched in worry, emerald eyes widening.

Before you could blink, she was on you. Lean arms enclosing your figure, one placed comfortingly behind your head, the other wrapped around your waist.

"Darling, what's happened?" Her soft voice resonated in your ear.

You couldn't bring yourself to respond, burrowing your head in her shoulder, shaking it slightly.

Your arms had returned the embrace tenfold, hands grasping her sweater tightly like she was the only thing in the universe holding you together at that moment.

Before you could stop yourself, soft hiccups began to escape you, and it was then, as Lily pulled away and began to wipe at the wetness under your eyes, you realized, you had to tell her.

You allowed yourself to be guided to her side of the room and sat down on her plush, quilted bed.

Blinking through tears you tried to focus on Lilly's concerned face, as she pushed a stray strand of hair behind your ear, and took your hand.

"Y/N, please, tell me what's the matter." Lily begged quietly as she smoothed her thumb over the back of your hand.

The moonlight from the window above her bed was nearly the only thing that illuminated the space around you, sheening on your variability, and exposing your flaws.

Your eyes flickered as you took a deep breath and attempted to collect your thoughts, and organize them into something, anything, clear enough to be spoken aloud.

"I..." Your voice quietly resonated, coarse and croaky from hours of wailing and weeping. You fought against the tightness in your throat, encouraged by Lily's soft eyes, and comforting presence.

After a moment, you cleared your throat and tried again.

You began with a sigh, focusing on the way Lily smelled of vanilla, allowing her scent to calm your flurrying mind.

"Lily," you said, much quieter this time, "I've done something terrible."

Lily's brows furrowed once more, in confusion this time. "What can you mean?" she replied, ever inquisitive and eager.

You inhaled and exhaled slowly, here it goes.

You gripped her hand like it was your lifeline, "I've..." you paused.

"I've fallen in love again."

Quiet settled over the room, blanketing the two girls.

Lily blinked, face going blank.

Before she could stop herself, a snort escaped from her mouth. Her demeanor of worry was now replaced with one of disbelief and wry amusement.

"You must be joking, seriously (Y/N)? That's all this is about? another silly little fling?" She teased, now finding this entire situation utterly ironic.

You huffed, frustration becoming your face. "No," You interjected, voice strained and tight.

"It's not- God, it's not that I've fallen in love again, it's with who!"

Lily raised a brow, squinting, lip quirking. "Right then," she teased, "Tell me, who is the soul lucky enough to hold your affections?"

You were glaring and lifting yourself off the bed in an instant. Bitterness bitting at your tongue.

"Forget it." You bit.

Lily sighed and grasped your hand before you could get even two steps. "(Y/N)," she groaned in defeat, feeling instant guilt as more tears glided down your chin.

"I'm sorry, that was cruel of me. You can tell me, and I won't make fun of you."

You eyed the redhead suspiciously, "Promise?" You quipped. Lily smiled, "Promise."

You bit the inside of your cheek and returned to your spot on the bed.

You huffed and picked away at some of the skin around your fingernails anxiously. "You really promise not to judge?" you mumbled, looking up at her through your wet lashes.

Lily nodded, "I promise lovie, you can tell me." her smile was the reassurance you needed, but it didn't lessen the ache in your heart.

You shut your eyes, annoyed at the feeling of more tears gushing down your neck.

You covered your face in your palms, before admitting out loud the confession you'd been reckoning with for days.

"I fucked up," you said through tears as you lifted your eyes to meet Lily's, "I've fallen in love with Remus Lupin," you watched Lily's eyes turn into saucers, "And, Sirius fucking Black."

In any other situation, you would've laughed at how Lily's jaw fell open, but this was no laughing matter. Her hand flew to hover above her mouth, and for the first time in all that you've known her, Lily Evans had been rendered speechless.

And you, were growing more anxious by the moment. Tears were now fully cascading down your face, sobs and hiccups wrenching from your throat.

"Say something!" You begged, her silence was making you feel worse by the second.

Lily jumped, broken out of her state of shock. She closed and open her mouth, trying to find the right words, before she so eloquently settled on,

"Merlin's fuck, (Y/N)."

You cried harder if that was even possible.

"I know, I know, it's horrible isn't it?" You whined.

After a week of keeping this all bottled up, it was now all coming crashing down on you.

You felt your heart ripping at the seams, in such a short period of time, these boys had suddenly had the most magnifying attraction you had felt.

You felt so utterly stupid, had you always liked them? Did it just so happen that that fateful night was your moment of realization?

Either way, neither explanation lessened your suffocating distress.

As you let your head fall into your hands, Lily grabbed your shoulders, rubbing them up and down encouragingly.

"Well, I won't lie to you sweetheart, it doesn't look amazing." She winced, resolving to pull your sobbing body to hers, wrapping her arms around you once more.

Lily knew the weight of this situation, because she knew Remus and Sirius, more especially, the relationship the two shared.

"When did you find this out?" She asked softly. 

You sniffed, "A week ago, I think? Oh Merlin, maybe I've always known but was never ready to admit it to myself." 

Lily sighed thoughtfully, before replying. "Well, do you want to tell them?" 

You thought for a moment, before shaking your head in defeat.

"It's no use Lils, even in my wildest dreams, they're out of my reach. I can't have them, and the fact that I even want them makes me feel like the biggest arsehole in the world."

Lily stayed quiet as you continued your rant, allowing you to verbalize all the feelings that had been festering in your heart. 

"Godrick, they're so perfect for each other, it's almost unreal. You've seen them together, they look as if they were made for each other. Not only that, but they fought so hard for the right to be together. And who the hell am I to come in here and even consider ruining that? I must be the most selfish girl in the world." 

You felt your heart break a little more with each word, but you couldn't stop yourself, you had to let these thoughts surface. 

"They trusted me," you sobbed, "every deep, grimy secret that they had no obligation to share, they trusted me enough to tell. All they've ever wanted from me was a friend, someone to be their home, and now I've gone and ruined it."

"You don't know that-" Lily tried, but you interrupted before she could even finish the sentence.

"Yes, I do! You know how I get Lily, even about simple crushes they become all I can think about. I will not be able to stop thinking about them, and every single time they feel comfortable enough to be affectionate in front of me, I'll break all over again."

Finally, you paused and took a deep breath.

"There is absolutely no situation in which this can turn out alright for me."

Lily felt her heartache for you as she assessed the sheer pain in your voice.

However, this situation was difficult, because she had to consider Remus and Sirius' well-being too.

She tapped a finger on the bare skin of your arm. "You know what I think?" She finally said.

You lifted your head and met her calculating eyes with your own. "What?" you asked pathetically. 

Lily rotated her jaw, "I think, that this situation is much bigger than you or I, so before we go making blind assumptions, we need to let Remus and Sirius speak for themselves."

She paused, "(Y/N), I know you're scared, but you have to tell them."

You inhaled deeply, eyes flickering with fear.

You were scared, terrified actually. But, the more you thought about it, the more you realized what you had known all this time.

Lily was right, they needed to know. 

You couldn't just disappear from their lives without giving them a floor to speak their peace, it wasn't right.

Doing that, you decided, would truly be the cruelest thing you could possibly do.

You huffed, before blinking away the last of your tears and taking a moment to wipe the mess off your face.

Lily sat and watched you as you began to collect yourself, leaning on her own arm for support. 

After a moment, when you felt as though you were moderately put together, you shook your hands out and breathed deeply for that last time.

You looked to Lily, there were still a million questions you wished could be answered, but for tonight, as you checked the clock and saw it was coming up on 1:00 A.M., you settled for just one.

"Do you think they realize I've been avoiding them?" You cringed.

Lily opened her mouth to reply, but before she could, a sharp knock sounded at the door.

"(Y/N) (L/N), you open this door right now, or so help me Merlin, I will blow it down!" Sirius' muffled yell sounded from the other side of the aged wood.

Then, Remus chimed in. "You know he'll do it love, so there's no use in fighting."

You froze, and for a moment as Lily's expression turned into that of a deer in headlights, you thought maybe the whole universe froze with you.

Your blood ran cold as they continued raving about their usual nonsense, and as you saw the door handle rattle, you and Lily finally spoke in unison.

"Oh, fuck."

#remus x sirius #wolfstar #wolfstar x reader #harry potter #maraudersera #marauders #the marauders #remus lupin #siriusblack #remus x reader #sirius x reader #polymarauders #poly! #fanfic #angst #fluff #lilyevans #jamespotter #hogwarts #gryfindor #fandom #dead gay wizards #unrequited love

[danisbrainrot]

could you write some katniss x fem!reader hcs?

basically its just after the 74th hunger games. the reader and katniss arent dating but there is some tension between them: they flirt a LOT and are often rlly close to kissing(but they never actually kiss). i think the reason why they are not a couple is because of peeta. katniss and him are in a fake relationship so if she wanted to be with the reader it would have to be a secret.

skip if you don’t want ofc🩷

how could I say no to katniss? also, this is just for after the hunger games and also a bit of the victory tour. if you want me to do hcs during and/or after mockingjay, I'd be more than happy to!!

katniss is terrible at knowing how she feels about people. in fact, she didn't realise that she saw you as a friend until you met up with her after she'd been reaped and hugged her, begging her to win. it warmed her heart, honestly.

when she came home after winning, you rushed up to hug her. even though you couldn't help but feel jealous, you didn't mind her "relationship" with peeta, you were just glad that she was home and back to you.

you'd always visit her at the victors village after that. she'd always have fresh bread waiting for you, courtesy of peeta, of course. you'd sit down and eat in silence together, katniss had never really spoken while eating before, so this isn't something new. you two would just enjoy the lunch you shared, knowing that neither of you had been able to eat this way before.

obviously, you are her best kept secret from snow. he knows you exist, of course, but he saw you as just a friend. once again, because katniss is horrible at working out her feelings, she definitely didn't know how much she liked you. however, subconsciously it showed. always hiding you away when peacekeepers or cameras came, walking you home before curfew, trying to distance herself from you in public so snow wouldn't find out how she truly felt about you.

banter with katniss in the kitchen when there's no one else around would be ELITE. or if you want to be her hunting partner instead of gale, your banter when hunting in the woods would be top tier. anyone else watching would honestly think you're flirting (and you two probably are) you just think that she's dating peeta and she's horrendous at admitting her true feelings, so the two of you think it's normal, friendly banter.

mrs everdeen and prim LOVE you. you'd come around all the time and hang out, seeming interested in their healing abilities. (you even let prim practice certain remedies and treatments on you). you could talk with them for hours, which makes katniss slowly realise how much she loves and needs you. again, if you're her hunting partner, you've promised to protect her family with your life—and you mean it. prim and mrs everdeen are like a family to you as well.

when snow comes around (grrr) to warn katniss about not buying her love story with peeta, her thoughts immediately go to you. did he know about you? would he hurt you if she didn't convince him? she's so freaked out for you throughout the victory tour, you never leave her mind.

when she returns and sees you at the train station, the first thing she does is wrap her arms around you and squeeze you tightly. she holds your hand tightly and you both walk to her house, your mindless chatter calming her down slightly.

she needs you so much right now, just so she can keep you safe—out of harm's way. or more like out of snow's way. she needed to protect you, and the only way she knew how was to never take her eyes off you. she invites you to sleepover, because she needs your company and its scary knowing you could walk off and never return.

later that night, you just held her in your arms all night. she was snuggled against your chest and she felt safe and sound for the first time weeks. she's so grateful that you seem to ward off her nightmares that she can't wait for you to sleepover again. but she doesn't want to appear to needy, so she never asks again.

by this point, peeta's definitely worked out what's going on, so he secretly tries to help you two get together, because if she doesn't want him, then he at least wants her to be happy. sure, it hurt at first, but he's also just so glad she managed to get him out of the games alive, and he thinks your nice. (peeta could never be mean in my eyes, we ignore what happened to him in mockingjay).

bonus! because this low key feels depressing: haymitch, cinna and peeta definitely have a bet going on about how long it'll take for katniss to confess her feelings for you. so far, haymitch is winning.

#katniss x reader #katniss everdeen #thg series #the hunger games #thg #fanfic #fluff #wlw #slight angst #danisasks #the hunger games katniss #thg katniss #headcanons #thg headcanons #dani's fics <3

[jinx-on-mars-19xx]

Pressure Got My Head in Knots

🩸Previous Parts Here🩸

Dom x Colson (Yungblud x Machine Gun Kelly)

Warnings: ABO dynamics (knots, slick, heat), alpha serial killer/hitman Dom, omega mob boss Kells, mentions of killing, allusions to past abuse, cursing, allusions to trafficking, awkward boys, stilted conversation, bad dreams, night terrors, mentions of Dom's pretty uncut monster cock, misunderstandings, embarrassment, insults, stiff sleeping positions, boys cuddling, emerging feels, passage of time (not long), too much metaphor (I won't apologize), secret masterbation, improper use of a t shirt (they're always cum goblins), hurt/comfort, accidental grinding, biting/marking, blood, nervous boys, enemies to lovers 💣 Rating: explicit

All ideas helped by @iamnotanearthlingmotherfucker 🖤

The roof was almost becoming a comfort for Dom. It was his spot really. He could look out over the terrible city they lived in and ponder how many Alphas were just waiting for his knife. He hadn't killed anyone since before he met the omega but it steadied him to think about it. He'd been coming here since their afternoon together and occasionally sleeping on the balcony. He never meant to fall asleep but the night after they fucked he went to check on Colson and thought he heard him sound pained. He was whimpering and sounded scared and it made Dominic’s blood run cold. After a moment he realized the man was only having a bad dream but the sight of the strong mob boss curling a pillow against his chest like a teddy bear hurt the heart Dom didn't think he had. Since he couldn't comfort him and didn't even know how he'd desired at least to stay close. Watch over him. Most nights he stayed on the balcony but he would escape before the sun rose and sleep fitfully in his own bed.

He was having trouble making himself take that last step off the edge of the building after what Collette had told him earlier at the club. He hadn't expected to feel so torn up inside knowing his… lover? had been hurt so badly but he was filled with shite he didn't know how to deal with. He was scared if he saw the man again he'd accidentally show somehow that he knew. They matched in so many ways besides just being devils in the playground of LA’s underworld. He never expected that. His gaze rolled up to the blank black sky, devoid of stars and didn't that just match his soul. “Fuck.” He huffed, stomping out his cigarette before he took the leap. For once he didn't smile at the rush of air tickling him and when his feet touched down his stomach dropped.

The first thing he noticed wasn't the light still on in the bedroom and it wasn't the pacing omega shadow ghosting over him- it was the glass door that was normally locked tight. For once it was… open?

Colson was exhausted after his long fucking night. He swore the universe was screwing with him. First the shipment of omegas was stolen out from under him and then his mother had pulled him aside when they got home. She lived on another floor and when they were out together they always shared a car. Collette had waited until they were walking inside and she finally spoke up about that fucking psycho. She'd explained gently how terrible Dom looked, that she didn't think the boy was sleeping any better than him. She'd kept her voice loving when she suggested he just give him a chance, what could it hurt having a friend?

He knew her better than that and he knew she knew him. Col didn't make friends easily and whatever was between them wasn't that. Dom knew what he was. Dom had quite literally been inside him, something no one else had ever been allowed. Since they slept together he couldn't sleep right. Old memories came back with a vengeance. She knew all of that, she knew his history, hell she'd lived it too. She'd slipped in one simple thing that had made him think and he hated it. He hated how damn well it worked on him. Travis would have loved him. The thing that pissed him off most was that she was right. Fuck.

“Ello.” The word was simple but it made Colson jump and he reached for a gun he didn't have. He rolled his eyes and turned to face the other man, his heart racing in his chest.

Collette had been right, Dom looked like hell. His eyes were tired and dark, his wild hair almost limp. He looked like a kicked puppy and Kells knew he was behind the boot. Damnit. “Hey.” Well… that was helpful. They were like awkward teenagers at the prom and not two mostly full grown men who knew each other intimately.

Dom tried to look less intimidating by slipping his hands in his hoodie pocket. LA heat was rough but sometimes he needed something to hide in. He didn't step too far into the room, he wasn't sure he was welcome. He'd already done damage with his cock, he wouldn't make it worse. He couldn't stop his gaze from wandering though- Colson was just in jeans and nothing else. The man was gorgeous and he almost couldn't believe he knew exactly what he felt like from the inside. Oh fuck he had to stop thinking like that. Col arched a brow as if he could feel Dom’s thoughts and moved to sit on the foot of the bed. Something made him curse under his breath and reposition himself. “You still ‘urt?”

Kells scoffed and shook his head. He didn't think whatever had twinged in his belly was from the Alpha's monster dick and even if it was he'd never say so. He couldn't give him the satisfaction. “Just pulled a muscle in the gym I think. You good?”

Dom startled at the question. He wasn't sure how to answer that so he just hip checked the dresser and stared at the other man. “No. But you ain't nei’ver. Jus’ been sleeping off.” He tried to lighten the statement with a tease but it fell flat. The omega had to know he'd been sleeping on the balcony if he left it open. He just wasn't used to trying to be a person, Tom never expected it from him. Maybe he shouldn't try to fake it with Colson either. “So you got fucked tonight?”

Col’s eyes went wide and for a moment he thought to clutch his pearls. Where the fuck did this asshole get the audacity?

“The meeting! At ya club. Seemed like it didn't go right. I didn't mean- bloody ‘ell.” The Alpha went so pink and his voice so rushed. His accent thick enough to walk on. Something happened inside the omega, something he really wasn't used to. The embarrassment from the Alpha made him laugh.

Dom smirked as the other man laughed at him. It was such a nice sound he didn't even mind it was at his expense. He was just happy to help however he could. “Fink I would ‘ave noticed summat else. I jus’- Yeah, yeah. Make fun of the guy wiv the silly accent.”

“Dude, fuuuuck that was good. Thanks for that. Yeah uh… I got screwed over tonight. A shipment of omegas was coming in from the East Coast and someone jacked it.” Kells wiped his eyes and tried to stop his laughing, it kept setting off whatever was aching in his stomach. Fuck, his body was feeling strange since he went off the blockers. He wasn't looking forward to what else was in store. What if his heats were a regular thing now? Maybe it was smart to let the Alpha hang around. It wasn't like he'd trust anyone else to help. He didn't know if that meant he trusted the killer already though or not. It took him a moment to realize Dom had gone quiet and he looked up to see the Alpha look away. “I don't sell them. I save them. I figured mom told you? Why the fuck would you come back if you seriously thought I was selling people?” He was truly shocked. He could see the contempt fade from the other man's face and a look of relief shone in his darkened jade eyes. Dom killed Alphas for less. He came to put Col down because of it… Why would he still show up?

“You needed me.” The Alpha shrugged but something tight and messy in his chest relaxed. He could see the omega working through something mentally but he didn't push. He wanted to be welcome.

Colson ignored the way that statement made him feel, especially how easily Dom said it. Instead he moved to crawl up the bed and settle under the blankets, carefully working off his jeans once he was safely hidden from view. He tossed them at the Alpha who caught them and tried his hardest not to sniff. Kells saw it though, those tired eyes flashed red before he folded the pants and set them aside. “Just so you know, my adoptive dad started this. He bought omegas and gave them new lives. I took over for him.” He explained simply. He was too exhausted to get into too much detail and it felt strange to talk because it didn't feel strange to talk to Dom. He was feeling too much to simply talk, especially after what he just realized. The killer ignored his deepest beliefs because he needed him. How was he supposed to handle that?

The Alpha wondered if he should leave but Colson patted the bed next to him. “Shut the fucking door and come to bed. Aren't you tired?”

After a moment Dom nodded and did as he was told before he walked around the bed. He tried to keep his mind from wandering to the night they met or how pretty the other would look spread out under him. His bite scar twinged as he took a seat on top of the covers and he rested back against the headboard. He kept to himself, his ankles crossed and his hands in his pockets. He didn't trust himself to do anything else. “Fanks.” He sighed, letting his eyes close as he leaned his head back but he could feel the other man staring at him.

“You're a fucking weirdo. I hope you know that.” Colson huffed with a playful edge to his voice. He didn't mean to scoot closer but he did by just a few inches as he tried to find comfort on his side. One thing he liked about being off his blockers hit him as he took a breath and closed his eyes.

The creepy psycho Alpha smelled like home.

🖤🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🖤

When Colson woke up the next morning he was surprised to realize how well he slept and even more so because at some point he'd inched over the rest of the space between them to cuddle against Dom’s side even though the Alpha never moved a bit. He pried himself away as carefully as possible to let the man sleep and promptly removed himself from the situation pushing the thought out of his mind. He couldn't process everything happening so instead he thought he'd work out. He could keep his days normal and decide what to do with the other man at night.

🌛

Dom appeared again once the sun went down, though of course he'd been watching most of the day. He was excited to jump to the balcony and even found himself smiling when he saw the door open. He wasn't used to being welcomed. Expected. Potentially even… wanted? They still didn't really talk but that night when Kells gave him a look he pulled his hoodie off and slipped free of his shoes. Waiting on the bed was an extra blanket and as he got comfortable he tugged it over himself. He still made sure to keep separate but he let himself lay down that night.

🖤🩸🩸🩸🩸🖤

Yet again Colson found himself glued to the Alpha when the sun rose, his arm over the other man's chest. He huffed softly at himself but lingered a moment, taking a second to explore and memorize his bedmate’s face. Without the stress of their waking lives etched into Dom's features he appeared every bit his young age. The omega was tempted to kiss his plush lips but he forced himself to disengage, he had shit to do and he still didn't want to get attached. They were just… helping each other sleep. That was it.

🌛

As Dom closed and locked the glass door behind him that night he was surprised to see Colson watching him and holding the other side of the blankets up. The extra he'd been granted the night before was gone and the omega was smiling like he'd pulled the perfect prank. “I don't like jeans in bed. Don't be an asshole.” The mob boss grumbled and Dom had to obey. Even though he'd fucked the man it still felt weirdly intimate to undress to his boxer briefs and t shirt in front of him. Col smiled as the Alpha slipped in bed and for the first time they laid under the same sheet and faced each other. They fell asleep talking lightly about what had happened that day even though Dom already knew it all. To the Alpha it was starting to feel like home.

🖤🩸🩸🩸🖤

Kells sighed as he woke up, pressing his face into the Alpha's messy hair. They were tangled together and he wasn't surprised that even though Dom was asleep, part of his monster was very very awake. He let himself smile, his belly full of butterflies at the feeling of the psycho hard against him. Dom wasn't the only one but… he couldn't bring himself to do anything. Sleeping together was one thing but sleeping together when it wasn't a life or death situation? Fuck that. A part of his mind whispered ‘soon’ as he pulled himself free and escaped to the bathroom to take care of himself. He thought he might leave the mess on something for Dom to find but he'd be at the gym before the Alpha woke.

🌛

Dom was flipping Colson off as he joined him that night, he still couldn't believe what the bastard did. “Tha’ were me favorite shirt. Twat.” He huffed, getting undressed down to his boxer briefs. He jokingly hid his tee under the pillow instead of leaving it on. The omega had used the shirt on his body as a cum rag while he was sleeping and he wouldn't give him that chance again. If Kells needed relief he could use his bare skin. He didn't push it more than that though, they just laughed together as they got comfortable in bed, facing each other again. That night Dom liked the sound of his lover's laugh so much he found himself telling embarrassing stories. As they started to dirft they inched closer until their fingers touched.

🖤🩸🩸🖤

Colson slept a little fitfully that night so when he woke he wasn't surprised to find the Alpha spooning him and holding him tight. The strong arm he scarred was wrapped over him, that beautiful death dealing hand rest light on his abs. He let himself linger, a little mentally messy from bad dreams and worse memories. He tried to shift and felt a little worse for wear and slightly sick. He hated how much his trauma could still affect him after so long. He was pissed his memory could make him feel so sick so he stayed a little longer in bed and let the snoozing Alpha comfort him. It wasn't like the psycho would know. He'd still leave before Dom woke and ignore his thoughts for the rest of the day.

🖤🩸🖤

It kept on that way for another week. Another. Each night Dom would wander into Col’s bedroom and strip down to almost nothing. They'd settle close but not too in bed and talk. Or not. What they did didn't matter, just that they could help each other sleep.

🖤🖤

It was almost a month of their new routine when something different happened one night. Everything had gone well- Dom showed up, slipped mostly nude in bed, they shared a few laughs or complaints, and drifted off to sleep. Normally the Alpha stayed awake longer to make sure the other was doing well. He had learned to judge how bad Col’s dreams would be by how much he whimpered or whined but that night he was quiet and Dom misjudged what that meant. Shortly after he drifted himself he was woken up by a blood curdling scream. He was jarred awake and instantly on alert, blinking his tired eyes fast. His sight cleared quickly to find Kells fighting himself, full body trembling as he scratched bloody marks in his inked skin.

The Alpha was scared which was an emotion he wasn't used to but he tried to move to help. He gently reached out to stop the assault but one touch was enough to wake the man. For a moment they stared wide eyed at each other before one tear escaped down Col’s cheek. “Colson-” Dom whispered softly, his voice thick with emotion he couldn't share.

“D-Dom?” The omega's voice was small and that one word broke the dam. The normally collected man felt a sob break free and without a second thought he was throwing himself at his lover's chest and crying against his neck.

Dominic wasn't used to comforting anyone but he wrapped his omega tight in his hold and pet his fingers slowly down his back. It was what Tom did for him when he felt shattered and it was all he had to offer besides a softly whispered- “I'm so sorry.”

“Why did he- why did they- why wasn't I good enough?” The Alpha couldn't make out much but he put a few things together from choked words and context clues. Besides that, he'd asked those questions a lot as a boy. He'd grown out of begging the universe for answers about the time he ripped his father open.

“You was. ‘Ush tha’. You was. No one else was for you. I ain't. No one is.” Dom was surprised at the words on his lips but he meant every one of them. It hurt his black heart to hear the strong man sound so young and broken and yet again he vowed to end the people who caused all that pain.

“Fuck you.” Colson whimpered, biting a kiss into his lover's neck. It surprised a moan out of the Alpha which somehow made Kells do it again. “Fuck you.” Curse. Kiss. Bite. A drop of blood hit his tongue. Dom groaned and their bodies moved until they slot perfectly together- cloth covered cock to cloth covered cock.

“Wha'?” Dom didn't know what to do. He could feel his dick filling hard and fast. His shaking hands wandered the sweat slick planes of Col’s inked back and he kept his head tilted. He wouldn't take any liberties but if the omega needed him he would do anything to help. He had his own needs though and they were rushing to the surface, probably making his eyes shine crimson bright.

“Shut the fuck up. Not good enough? Fuck you. Look at you.” Colson didn't know what he was doing. He just knew the more he touched and tasted the younger man the more his hellish dream was erased. At least for the time being. His tongue traced the Alpha's thundering pulse until he sucked a mark on his jaw. His hips rolled as their hands explored and his darkness ebbed slowly.

“Look- look at- fuck Cols?” Dom whined his name like a beg and the omega nodded as they thrust harder. Before he knew it their lips were meeting in a blood flavored kiss.

The Alpha could barely breathe, everything was too hot and so much. His cock was so hard it was poking out the top of his underwear and grinding against Col’s doing the same. They groped each other and pulled the other tighter, their panted breath mingling between rough kisses. Besides their soft moans and needy whimpers the sound of their precum wet bellies sticking together was near deafening.

Neither knew who hit their peak first, it seemed they were sucked under together. One cried out and the other answered and they both spilled a hot rush against their skin. At some point Dom's thigh had fit between Col’s own and the Alpha felt his leg drenched in slick. He didn't say anything but he savored the scent and feel as they rocked through their pleasure with shaking limbs.

Eventually their breathing calmed and their bodies stilled but they didn't pull apart. They weren't even sure they could if they tried. Kells couldn't bring himself to speak so instead he tucked himself under his lover's chin. He couldn't work out what had just happened and he was scared if he tried he'd break the tentative peace. Dom was just as confused but pleasantly pleased, his veins buzzing with pleasure. He just held the other close and pet his back as they drifted, eventually falling asleep again.

At one point Colson thought he heard the Alpha whisper something that felt both true and terrifying. It settled his soul but raced his heart in his chest. “You're safe. ‘Ome.” He tried to ignore it and sleep but he found himself waiting for the sun to rise so he could escape the safety of Dom's arms before he did something stupid like get used to it. Deep down he knew it was too fucking late. He already was. Home.

Author's Note/Tags: @iamnotanearthlingmotherfucker @hollywoodxwhore @jaxbreaker @fenoy7 @cole-way-iero28 if anyone wants tagged let me know 🖤

It's not exactly a birthday fic but at least Kells got some special attention. I know it's a lot of deep feels and it may get worse before it gets better but you know I'm all about the silly happy dumb boys 😂 I hope you enjoyed it! 🩸🖤

#yungblud #dominic harrison #dom harrison #machine gun kelly #mgk #colson baker #dom and colson #dom and colson fic #dom x colson #dom x colson fic #yungblud and machine gun kelly #yungblud and machine gun kelly fic #yungblud x machine gun kelly #yungblud x machine gun kelly fic #com #com fics #domson #domson fics #my fics #jinx fics #abo #alpha beta omega #alpha dom #omega kells #serial killer fic #hitman fic #mob boss fic #accidental grinding #biting/marking #enemies to lovers