#also the only way to help ourselves feel better is to 1) care for and help self 2)care for and help others | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

psychelis-new · 4 months

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pick a pile: "New Year's message for you"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to find a message that this new year wants to be delivered to you as it starts.

HAPPY NEW YEAR Y'ALL! May you stay blessed, healthy, safe and happy all year long. May you be able to see your dreams come true before your eyes.

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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- ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - some piles are interconnected so if you feel called by more than one it's fine, you may find your messages divided among them.

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pile 1

Honeybun this year I want you to focus on doing a bit more for yourself. More of the things you enjoy, more of the things you can do to show yourself love and care: make yourself a cup of that drink you love, stay hydrated/eat well, make your bed carefully, take a long bath, read or watch a movie, start that course you wanted to try, go to that new shop/market you wanted to see, dance and sing, draw and paint, go for a walk, take a nap, give yourself accolades for all you've done until now. Give yourself small gifts here and there to show yourself how much you appreciate all you do and the person you are becoming. You deserve that. Working on yourself while handling relationships and life is not easy, and you're doing your best. Take a breath, take time for you and set your boundaries. You're giving a lot on the outside to others, and I'd like for you to learn how to include yourself more into that receiving side. Not everything others need has to be so impellent: give it the right importance. Give to yourself too, you are as deserving as anyone else just because you're alive now: you don't have to do anything in particular to deserve love and care. Remind yourself that is not perfection what you're aiming for, as it doesn't exist: mistakes are okay, they help you grow and better yourself. Be nice, be happy: beautiful things are coming. Stretch yourself out, take (up) your place/space in your life. P.S. I know you like to write, so write. Write it all down. You never know... Don't be scared of talking about yourself and your needs.

song: cure my desire | hannah wants, clementine douglas

Possible meeting of new people especially friends and especially if you've been alone for a while now in the most unexpected ways/places (maybe also while you're expressing yourself in some -even artistic- way: could be photography, writing, talking, taking notes, studying, classes/courses...), follow your guts.

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pile 2

Little cutie you're so lovely you have no idea. And you're hurt, even if maybe you're not entirely aware of the ways you are. But that's okay: it'll come to you with time. We don't have to know and understand everything immediatly: that'll be too much, don't you think? We need to let things move and develop at their own pace. And at our own pace too: we need to respect ourselves. I know for now you may just feel confused and hurt, and I'm sorry. But don't give up. What I can tell you is: I'm gonna be gentle with you. I'm gonna watch you grow and learn how to take care of you and of your past, step by step (baby steps!). Your inner child needs you so much... Don't shut them off, listen to them. Help them find the answers they seek and could never get. Help them receive the love and attention they deserve. Those bandages you put over your wounds are now in need to be removed and the wounds need a better healing. Let them go, don't hold onto them anymore. I know you feel so worned out now, but you will make it. You have no idea what can be born on a healing wound. Think about the cracks in the concrete and how flowers can born from them. You're the same. You have buildt up walls and confined yourself behind a rigid structure to protect yourself but now it's all starting to crumble: you're too sweet to not be willing to deal with others and receiving love. You need others, everyone does. Let it all crumble, let others come closer. You will know who to trust, trust yourself. You will know how to make flowers come out of that place of hurt, you will survive. You will make it. I love you.

song: release | editors

You have probably jaded yourself out of pain or have been jaded for a while, maybe you're finding out about triggers and traumas you may need to work on. I feel things will start to improve this year, you may be approached by good people. Some of you may also be approached by someone from their past trying to make things up: up to you if to let them in again in your life or not but please be aware of who they are now and keep in mind the pain they caused you. Stay grounded. I don't see much career/school-wise, probably it's not the main focus of the year or there aren't huge changes in sight as for now.

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pile 3

Sweetheart, it's time to move. It's time to change, to travel. To see new places and experience new emotions. To start a new life. I know you want it too, you're hungry for all that at this point. It's time to travel in time as well: go to your past once more, it's almost done. Take care of your inner child and younger self, help them heal the last bits of pain. Love them and love your present self the same way, as they're still part of you. They still live inside of you: embrace them, embrace your whole self, embrace every part of you. And plan your future: don't let life and others decide your moves entirely. Listen to what they want to say and find the hidden meaning of what happens if you need, but then act according on your intuition. Trust yourself and your guts the most and be aware of others' real intentions and energy around you. Be graceful and delicate as you've always been but don't let anyone fool you, don't let their fears win you over, don't let your hurt self control you and hinder you. You already know it: it's time, it's time. It's time to shed a light onto what is hidden, onto what is dark; it's time for clarity, especially of your mind. Be open to receive, also new downloads from us. We're not leaving from your side, ever. It's our time too now. Be a ray of sunshine for everyone to see, be always lovely and warm with others as I know you are. Dream big and act even bigger.

song: set fire to the rain | adele

For some, strong love energy (possible counterpart/fs/long time partner-- their higher self may be in contact with you); also new start in career/change of career/start of business/change of school or way to study/results

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pile 4

Dear one, this year I would like you to focus on creating your new self, on crafting yourself with no fear of failure. You have all that you need, just let yourself see that and welcome who you are from within. Take time to know yourself/build up yourself again, if this is what you need now. You've been through a lot now so it's okay to be confused and maybe even angry. But do not give up on the amazing person you are. Shine bright, and let those who like you, see the real you. Let your real self out and be liked by others, and don't worry about how they may perceive you. I know it's hard and you only want to be accepted, as you are tired of feeling alone, but trust me: the moment you start embracing yourself, people will come at you, attracted by your amazing talents and abilities. You can't see them now, so please, go within to find them. You have plenty, trust me. Be nice and compassionate with yourself: you've been through a lot. And remember it's okay if it's going to take a little more time to get where you want: the path you will choose, will take you anywhere you want. Just don't let others' images of you make you change your mind. Life and relationships are pretty complex, and it's hard to get through them tbh. But you can make it, you can come out of the storm and you will. And out of this storm, you'll find exactly want you want. Even me.

song: le cose più rare | cosmo (at the end it keeps repeating "then maybe one day we'll meet again" and I think it may be important for someone of you, especially if about someone you're no longer in contact with/cannot be in contact with)

For some, there's possible love/partnership (also friends) in sight; career-wise you may receive an important offer and/or as said get into a partnership or find clients interested in what you offer (you may come up with that in a few months if you aren't still sure about it)

#pac #pick a pile #pick a card #divination #pick a card reading #pick a photo #pick a picture #pick a card tarot #tarot readings #tarots #intuitive readings #clairs readings #psychic readings #tarotblr #tarotcommunity

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victorie552 · 5 months

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I headcannon that after 3rd Kinslaying, and especially after Elrond and Elros left them in whatever fashion, Maedhros was a total dick to Maglor.

You know how sometimes old or sick people are nice to neighbours/nurses/strangers, but are horrible to their primal caretakers? That's them.

People aren't dicks to their caretakers just to be dicks - it's because they are often frustrated with themselves or their situation and don't know how else to deal with it or they can't deal with it the usual way. It also happens because, paradoxally, they feel safe around their caretakers - you can be a dick because you know they won't leave just because of that.

And boy, did Maglor cast himself in a role of caretaker (let's not kid ourselves, he wasn't qualified, and with his own problems to boot), and BOY, did Maedhros resent him for it. He did not NEED help, he did not DESERVE help, he's not another kidnapped child MAGLOR, I'M the older brother, I should take care of YOU YOU WRECK, WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO BABYSIT YOU GROW UP ALREADY and leave me Nothing is EVER your fault, even when you left me to Angband as you should Why would you care now, it amounted to NOTHING before, it's WORTHLESS

And about half the time Maglor just takes it, actually likes it even. Mostly because of his guilt complex about how he deserves it, but also because Maedhros is only like this with him - he's trying his best to pretend to be fine and be a leader to few followers they have left, because they deserve better and that's the only thing he can give them now, and their brothers are all dead and would always be Too Little to act like that around them anyway. Maedhros would behave himself even around Fingon, to make him think rescuing him was worth something. So by being a dick to Maglor, Meadhros sees him as an equal, a safe haven. Maglor basks in that.

But obviously no one could just take such abuse like it's nothing, and Maglor is a Feanorian too, is prideful and stubborn, with his own laundry list of complains about Maedhros, and also unwell, and also thought of a new insult while lying awake at night and just wants to yell too. So half the time Maglor yells back and their yelling matches would bring orcs to tears, with hate and blame dripping from every word. I don't have enough imagination to picture it realistically, and actually I don't want to, it's too heartbreaking.

And sometimes, one or the other just starts crying. They don't talk about these times.

After some time, their arguments and insults are just a noise, something to repeat endlessly to the point of boredom.

By then, what actually hurts are the words that were not meant to harm.

Example 1:

Maedhros: 'did an all-night inspection of their stores cause he couldn't sleep' I found a herb you always liked to wash your hair with.

Maglor: 'doesn't remember last time he washed his hair, no less scented them'

Maglor: 'choked up' Appreciated.

Example 2:

Maedhros: 'feels like he's dragging Maglor to damnation with him' You could go with the twins, you know.

Maglor: 'doesn't want to upset Maedhros today so decides to pretend as if that was actually an option' Vanyar would probably like my singing but you know they would get mad at you for having better battle plans than them.

Maedhros: 'now KNOWS he's dragging Maglor to damnation with him'

Maedhros: 'dying inside' Of course they would.

When love hurts, it's easier to be a dick.

#maedhros #maglor #silmarillion #silm #barely related but it plays into my headcannon that when nerdanel didn't went with them and feanor died #maglor and maedhros became New Mom and Dad for the rest of Feanorians #not even with any creepy context from them it was an automatic process #oh Mom left Dad Maglor is similiar to her guess Maglor is New Mom #oh Dad's dead? Maedhros is New Dad #boom problem solved #when Maedhros was unwell after Tears Celegorm got to be Dad for some time #it's so unhealthy when you look from the outside #it's unrelated to anything except Maglor as New Mom resents any mentions of abandoning the others #Maglor is NOTHING like Nerdanel #THIS mom won't leave anyone thank you very much #and then Maedhros stays in Angband for 30 years lmao #so unhealthy #angst I guess #I feel it went in different direction than it started but eh

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universalitgirlsblog2 · 22 days

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🩰🎀THE ULTIMATE SONG JIA GUIDE🩰🎀

As it was requested by anon , I decided to make Song Jia Guide. Thank you for the request ! I'm a Pringie , I love Song Jia and she is an amazing role model. I will try to make more guides in future. I will recommend some videos also , I got this idea from liliwon guides ( I miss her so much 💕)

Contents of the post

🩰Self care

🧸Jia's mindset

💕Beauty

🦢Routines

🎀CARPE DIEM !!

🧁Playlist

(Credits to owner)

🩰SELF CARE

Most vlogs of Song Jia are related to self care. If you check her comment section too , you will see others commenting about how she inspired them to take care of themselves and it's true. Song Jia takes exquisite care of herself . Treat yourself like you want to be treated by others. Taking care of ourselves will make us look better and when we look good , we feel good too ! Self care is also a way of putting ourselves first and fulfilling our own needs. It's not selfish or wrong , it's necessary and will make you feel energetic. Jia takes good care of herself - her skin , hair , body etc .

1)🩰 Skincare

First , Jia washes her face and then uses a mist instead of a toner. Then she uses ampoule . Jia said that if someone has dry skin like her , the k booster ampoule can help them alot . If this ampoule seems way too expensive , then she recommended NEOGEN. Then, Jia uses Hyaluron Performance Serum. According to Jia , being consistent & diligent will help one to improve their skin. Incase someone has messed up skin where their pores expand alot , Jia recommended one more ampoule, Jericho Rose Bifida Serum Filming Drop. Jia also recommended ATOBARRIER365 Cream , the cream fills all the damaged skin barriers. She uses this cream mandatorily. If you are going to use makeup , then put on a sunscreen. If you aren't going to use makeup and will go out naturally then you need put on a layer . You can maintain it moisturized. Jia used Timeless Intensive Care cream, the cream may look heavy for those who have dry skin like Jia . Also use the cream on neck too since neck gets old really fast so care for your neck too !! Jia uses Collagen Eye Cream Jericho Rose tube , she said that she always used eye cream since eye rim & neck get wrinkles easily & skin of eye rim get dry faster than other parts of our body. She uses eye cream mandatorily. This is a routine followed by Jia at home. Incase , she is going outside , she puts Centella Soothing Sheet Mask. She takes great care of her neck too , she uses Two creams for her neck, one is Collagen bouncing elasticity cream & the other is Ultra Radiance Base Concentrate Mask. Also you can put the leftover cream on your elbow. Not only skincare but pillowcase is also important. Wash the pillowcase often so you don't get skin problems. Don't touch your face with dirty hands. Try not to put the cellphone on your face . Jia mentioned it alot of times that consistency is important if one wants to improve their skin . It's okay you can't buy the products she mentioned , just try to follow the simple tips given by her . Jia routine can be used as inspiration. Jia also gets facial treatments . You can take inspiration from her to have a skincare routine .

2🩰) Workout

Jia does light exercises - stretching & pilates . In her recent video , Jia recommended alot of exercises to maintain good posture. Since she has majored in dance, she naturally has a good posture . Hinafit also posted a pilates routine inspired by her. Jia posted her pilates routine long ago but when the scandal happened she deleted all her videos . Here is the link of her original pilates routine - click me!

3🩰) Hair Care

Jia has very beautiful & healthy hair . Her hair is goals ngl. In her recent video , she was getting scalp treatment. She said that if someone is in their 20s or below 20 , they should do scalp treatment /massage at home . I also found a pin related to Jia , it showed the names of products used by her in a video . I hope it helps .

🩰Useful Videos for all points I have mentioned till now

🧸JIA'S MINDSET

🧸1) SELF LOVE

Jia really loves herself & always puts herself . She loves herself & that's why she is so magnetic. She herself claimed that she had princess sickness, she is happy & satisfied with herself . She puts herself first . Also , her taking care of herself , having that girl mindset , being magnetic ; it all stems from self love . She highly values herself.

🧸2)HIGH STANDARDS

Jia has high standards for herself. She never settles for less . She said that it was hard for her to have a crush as her standards are as high as Mt.Everest & she won't lower them for a man. You should too have high standards & never settle for less . Whether it's a relationship or friendship, know your worth & have standards . It's okay to be selective & picky .

🧸3) CUT OFF

Jia mentioned in one of her videos how she cut off people who hurt her. She said how it was our life & we should never waste time stressing over others.

🧸4 ) IDAF

Jia shared how she doesn't care what others think about her , even if one person dislikes her she doesn't care. Her life revolves around herself & only herself ! You should be more like Song Jia too . If you always care about what others think , you will be their puppet.

🧸5) FAITH

Jia believes in herself . She knows she has done well till now & will continue to do well. She doesn't allow past mistakes to demotivate her. She believes she can do anything , she puts her mind into!

🧸6)ABUNDANCE MINDSET

Jia has abundance mindset . When you have an abundance mindset , you know if it something doesn't work out , you will always have other options . When you have a lack mindset , you make decisions & put efforts from a state of fear whereas When you have an abundance mindset , you make decisions from confidence. Affirmations you can use to master abundance mindset. Click me

🧸7) FEMININE ENERGY

Jia is in her feminine energy , she embodies the affirmation " I don't chase, I attract ". Everything about her whether it's her style or her vibes or manners , it reflects her femininity. She embraces her femininity. Her body language is soft & elegant.

🧸8) MAIN CHARACTER

In Single inferno , The moment Jia entered, all eyes were on her. She radiates main character energy. She knows she is the main character of her life. Others are just side characters . You are the main character of your life, it's about you !!! Your life should revolve around you and only you !!

🧸9) MYSTERY

Jia shared how if it's someone she has never met , she doesn't share anything about her. Also , in one of her videos she shared how we should never share our secrets with others since it can be used against us . Jia doesn't overexplain or reveal herself.

🧸10) HAVE GOALS

Jia said that people become lazy when they have no goals. If you have a goal or an objective in life , you will get a reason to wake up. You will make efforts to achieve those goals.

🧸11) YOU ARE THE PRIZE

In single's inferno, Jia never chased any guy. It was the other way around. She is a self concept icon , she believed that she was chosen and the prize.

💕BEAUTY

💕1) FASHION SENSE

Jia has impeccable taste in fashion, she follows celebs for inspiration too . Her style is casual, simple yet stylish. She knows the importance of accessories . Trust me , accessories can level up your outfit. Her style is also feminine , like I said before ,she embraces her femininity.

💕2) MAKEUP

Jia experiments with make up , her make up looks are always so good !! She even tried make up inspired by celebrities like Wonyoung , Kylie Jenner etc . She uses makeup to embrace her feminine features .

💕3) BEAUTY TIPS FROM JIA'S Q & A

💕Drink alot of water since it's good for skin. 💕Stretch your shoulders & back for straight shoulders

💕Do side exercises for thin waist

💕Jia uses two different creams for morning(Heibrilliant Intensive deep moisture cream ) and night ( WEYERGANS Timeless Intensive Care cream ) .

💕Jia visits dermatologist once a week.

💕She puts eye cream not only around her eyes but also on her neck

💕When you curl your lashes , heat the curler three times with lighter. Don't do it too much . Touch it when you think it's okay. Curl your eyelashes in an upwards direction. Use a spoolie to lift eyelash & separate each lash before applying light mascara that doesn't make lashes droopy.

Mascara recommended by Jia- 1) Clio Kill lash super proof mascara long curling

2) MAYBELLINE New York colossal waterproof mascara

🦢ROUTINES

Jia lives a healthy lifestyle & encourages her fans to do the same . She has routines. Having a routine gives you a direction & a reason to wake up . Routines bring you closer to your goals. When we have a routine , we become organized disciplined & stable. When we are organized, our mind becomes organized & our life also becomes organized. Have a study routine or a self care routine, you will be productive. Gradually, if you become consistent in your routine , you will feel confident too .

🎀CARPE DIEM !!

Jia cherishes each moment, she lives in the present. When you live in the present, you will feel better. Jia spents time with her loved ones - family & pets. Spending time with pets reduces the feelings of loneliness & depression. Jia pampers her pets , she is a dog lover !! Also , Jia spends time with herself , she enjoys her own company. She spends time with her hobbies - cooking , playing golf , painting etc. Having hobbies is good for both physical & mental health. It will help you gain confidence too. Spending time with yourself will help you to have a better relationship with yourself.

🧁Playlist

Here are links of Playlist inspired by Song Jia , it will help you boost your self concept & get a vibe like her 💕 playlist 1, playlist 2 , playlist 3

NOTE : I really feel people should forget the scandal since Jia apologized. I often see hate comments on social platforms where they are still making rude comments on her. In her recent interview , she shared how her friends left her & she shares everything with her mom. The scandal was stupid & I feel there are more serious topics to be concerned about than someone wearing fake clothes , and alot of public figures are doing alot of illegal & problematic stuff . If I see any hate comment , I will block the user & delete their comment.

🩰🧸💕🦢🎀I HOPE MY GUIDE HELPED YOU🩰🧸💕🦢🎀

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much-ado-about-whumping · 1 year

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Help for when you’re having a rough time

(If you're looking for my old pinned post with my whump masterlists, you can find it here.)

In light of some deeply sad news in the whump community today, I’m thinking about how many of us here struggle with mental health, sometimes including physical or mental self-harm and suicidality. Since I know lots of folks might be having a hard time right now, I wanted to share some resources that have helped me in rough moments. Please feel free to add on to this post (or make your own, if you want!) with the resources that have worked for you.

First, a note:

Trauma, shame, and suicidality all tend to isolate - they make us feel like we’re all alone in the world, like no one else would understand us, and like the only solutions we have available to us are ones we can think of all by ourselves. In my experience, the antidote to that is connection. If you’re feeling scared or alone, you can hop into my asks or DMs if you want. I’m sure there are other folks in this community who would offer that, too. Many of us have grappled with mental health struggles, including suicidal ideation, and sometimes we can offer each other the care that can be hard to offer ourselves. Don’t be afraid to reach out if you need support.

A quick note about location: I live in the US, but about half the resources in this post are written guides you can access from anywhere. The hotlines and warmlines linked below are US-based. One or two are accessible in Canada or have an online chat or moderated forum that could be accessed anywhere. If you have good local resources from another place, please reblog and add them! (Thank you, @straight-to-the-pain, for flagging this in the notes!)

That said, here’s my absolute first recommendation if you’re feeling generally awful and don’t know what to do:

1. You Feel Like Shit (also available at its original site here)

If you’ve read a lot of ~self care tips~ in your life (and if you’re a bit of a salty bitch like me), you might be sick of being told to eat something and take a nap. (I don’t think we can hydrate our way out of long-term trauma and late-stage capitalistic hell, but thanks.) That said, I’ve found this site REALLY helpful. Personally, I have ADHD and CPTSD, a combination that makes it ROUGH for me to know how to take care of myself sometimes. This site speaks to you calmly, like a non-judgemental friend, and walks you through steps that you might struggle with if you have a hard time with executive function in general, or if you’re ill, grieving, overwhelmed, or otherwise just off your game. I pretty much always walk away feeling at least a little better, even if I don’t complete every step.

There are more suggestions and resources below the cut. Wishing everyone in this community love and care. <3

2. The 15-Minute Rule (info available in many places; after a quick google, I really like this site as a place to start)

One key principle to understanding the resources I’ve put together here is the 15-minute rule. If you’re feeling an urge towards physical or mental self-harm or suicide, studies show that the urge is unlikely to last more than about 15 minutes at its peak intensity. (Sorry I don’t have data on this off the bat - anecdotally, I can tell you that this rule also tracks with my own personal experience.) This means that, if you’re presently feeling overwhelmed by grief or pain that’s turning inwards on you, if you can stay afloat through the next few minutes, the tide of it is likely to ebb. The site I linked above has information about this concept and some great harm-reduction ideas, too. (Another resource on this that I liked in my quick search is here.)

3. Read This First (a compassionate distraction from feelings of self-harm)

I’m gonna be honest; this resource is aimed at folks having urges towards physical self-harm, but it looks like something I would find helpful with urges towards emotional self-harm, too. (It also looks like it could be handy for body-focused repetitive behaviors - BFRBs - like dermatillomania/skin-picking or trichotillomania/hair-pulling).

4. Resources from Pete Walker, psychotherapist and author of Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

Obviously not everyone reading this will have complex PTSD (also called C-PTSD), but if you’re a person who, in general, tends to beat yourself up a lot, I’d highly recommend checking Pete Walker’s work out. If some of it doesn’t apply to you, that’s okay - take what you need, and leave the rest. This site (and the book it references most heavily) assumes you may have had parents who were emotionally or physically abusive or neglectful. If that doesn’t ring true for you, but other parts of the resources seem helpful, use them anyway! A handy place to start maybe this page on Shrinking the Inner Critic in Complex PTSD (that is, reducing the volume of the voice that screeches unpleasantness at you when you feel ashamed or scared).

As a note: this website looks VERY mid-2000s (which I kind of love). Most of the resources you want will be in the right-hand column full of links. Some of those links will open new pages, and some will automatically try to download a PDF of the article you want to read.

5. Warmlines:

This is something I just learned today - if you’re feeling really lonely and sad, but you’re not in immediate crisis, there are warmlines you can contact! These seem to be numbers where you can call (or sometimes text) to talk with a counselor or trained peer when you need support and connection. I can’t vouch for any of these numbers personally, but as someone who has definitely thought, “It’s not bad enough to REALLY need help,” I think this is a fabulous idea. Here’s a list of warmlines you can check out in the US.

6. Specialized hotlines:

There are lots of good crisis hotlines out there, but some may be better for your needs than others. For one thing, if you’re feeling seriously suicidal, it’s good to know the policies of the hotline you’re calling. In my opinion, everyone deserves bodily autonomy and the right to refuse care; for that reason, I think it’s important to know the policy of the hotline you’re calling as to whether or not they’ll call emergency services without your consent. Everyone has to make their own judgment call on this one, and I’m a little too (lightly!) triggered to go deep into my analysis on this right now, but I wanted to flag that it’s something to be aware of - if you’re going to call a hotline, you can try to look up their policy on calling emergency services before you contact them. You could probably even ask them in the beginning of the call. (A script: “Before we start, can you tell me what your policy is about contacting emergency services on behalf of callers?” If this is true, you can add: “I’m having some feelings of [suicidality/self-harm], but I’m safe and am not in danger of hurting myself or others.”)

With that in mind, here are some hotlines that seem promising to me, in no particular order:

A. For queer and trans folks in general:

Trans LifeLine

Available in the US (1-877-565-8860) and Canada (1-877-330-6366)

Available in English and Spanish

Will NOT call emergency services without your consent (you can read more about this policy on their website, including here)

Peer to peer support for transgender and questioning folks; also, microgrants (small amounts of money) for trans-related needs!

Does not offer text/chat-based support

I’ve never used Trans LifeLine myself, but I’ve heard excellent things about it from peers who have.

The Trevor Project:

Support from trained counselors for queer, trans, and questioning folks

Definitely available in the US; I’m not sure where else.

Offers support via phone (1-866-488-7386), text message (678-678), and online chat (link here - scroll down to Start Chat)

Also offers an online peer support space, TrevorSpace, for folks ages 13-24

Their site says, “In very specific instances of abuse or a clear concern of an in-progress or imminent suicide, Trevor counselors may need to contact a child welfare agency or emergency service.” When you click Learn More, it takes you to their Terms of Service (informative, but in legalese that might be hard to parse if you’re in crisis).

Again, not a service I’ve used myself, but I’ve heard good things!

B. For BIPOC folks (Black folks, Indigenous folks, and people of color more broadly), especially those who also hold LQBTQI identities:

Call Blackline:

Available via phone or text (both at 1-800-604-5841)

Available for people in crisis. Call Blackline can also help connect you with local community organizers and officials if you need to report a negative, inappropriate, or physical interaction with police, other law enforcement, or vigilantes.

From their website:

Call BlackLine® provides a space for peer support, counseling, reporting of mistreatment, witnessing and affirming the lived experiences for folxs who are most impacted by systematic oppression with an LGBTQ+ Black Femme Lens.Call BlackLine® prioritizes BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color). By us for us.

Here’s what I found regarding their policy on emergency services:

You do not have to provide any personal information to use the service. All calls remain private and will never be shared with law enforcement or state agencies of any kind.

Of course, a BIPOC person can contact any hotline for support, but for people dealing with racism, anti-Blackness, and other specific bigotries, I can very much see the importance of talking to someone who shares or understands that experience.

C. For folks processing bad psychedelic trips:

Fireside Project:

This one is something I didn’t even know existed! They do call- or text-based support (1-623-473-7433, or 1-62-FIRESIDE) for people processing psychedelic drug experiences, available 11am to 11pm Pacific time. I don’t have a ton more info, but their site seems really interesting and like they’re serving a unique need.

7. A soothing distraction:

One of the glories of the internet is the fact that it enables us to conjure up images of kittens at a moment’s notice. In that vein, I want to offer up a VERY cute distraction: Peptoc is a hotline (1-707-873-7862, or 1-707-8PEPTOC) where you can hear encouraging messages in English or Spanish from kindergarteners. How sweet is that? (Thanks to the wonderful @newbornwhumperfly for this suggestion!)

--------

Beloved whump community, I want to know about things that help you when you’re struggling. Please feel free to share them if you want.

And, Moya - we’ll miss you so, so much, even those of us (like me) who didn’t know you well. May your memory be an absolute blessing. <3

(I was going to put this in the tags, but oops, it’s going up here - I really hope this post will be helpful to someone, but it was also helpful to me to build. I feel better in a crisis when I can find a way to help - it’s how I soothe myself when I’m sad or scared. I really hope this doesn’t seem preachy or self-aggrandizing - it’s really just me processing-processing-processing. <3)

One more note: if this post makes you think you might want to follow my blog, you're totally welcome, but you should check out my note here first. This is not a DNI list; it's just a heads-up about my content, which could be inappropriate or triggering for some people.

#whump community #how to be a person in the world #ways to stay afloat #suicide mention cw #suicidality mention cw #self-harm mention cw #resources for taking care of yourself #bel talks #touchstones #sorry another disclaimer but also i know my experiences are not universal #my feelings might come from a really different place than other people's feelings #idk for instance if any of the shit in this post would have been at all useful to moya #but I'm sharing it anyway in case it's useful to SOMEONE

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briebysabs · 8 months

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I have to talk about Misha I’ve been holding this for so long. I am not defending him, everything he’s done is fucked up. I just want people to understand him better and idk how coherent this will be but HSVDVXHSBSJJDF

Bc if you hate him, totally justified. But I don’t want Misha to ever be simplified to the jealous crazy younger brother. Yes he is technically that but one thing about mochijun characters is that most of the time, you can always dig further into their psyche. And I feel like not enough people do that with Misha. I haven’t made an in-depth Misha discussion until now mostly bc I’m a potato. He isn’t 2-dimensional and he fits perfectly in the themes of vnc. Misha cannot be saved, he is a hopeless character, he bears Luna’s Mark while using the Book he is doomed. You can say he was doomed the second he entered the story. His brotherly love for Vanitas is twisted. He is the embodiment of tragic. Everything that led him to this point was not his fault. The only thing he chose was to follow Luna and join their clan bc he would’ve died otherwise. Luna and Vanitas are the only good things he ever had.

We all know his backstory. So of course losing both would make him snap. And on top of all this he’s being manipulated by Teacher. Who fucking knows the lies or orders Teacher has been feeding him. All this when he’s like 12....13 at most.

And let’s approach the vanoé situation. We know the depth of vanoé’s relationship and even though Misha might’ve observed from afar, he doesn’t have that context. To be fair he probably wouldn’t care but point is, he sees Noé as some random guy. And again, let’s withdraw ourselves a bit and see things from the outside. How much time has passed since chapter 1? How long has Vanitas and Noé actually known each other? We know that a couple weeks passed since the end of the Gevaudan arc. We know that a week passed after Vanoé got kicked outta Ruthven’s study. If there are any other mini time skips I’m forgetting pls lemme know. But let’s be honest, they’ve known each other for two months. If we wanna push it, three. Of course how long you know a person doesn’t solely decide how close you get to them. You can know someone for two weeks but depending wtf goes on in that time frame, they can become your ride or die. But let’s use Misha’s logic for a minute.

You’ve known Vanitas longer, both of you went through hell under Dr. Moreau. You have the same Mark, you’re gonna suffer the same fate. And from how you see it, he chose a man he met by chance a few months ago, over you. Someone who will never truly get it. He is putting his life in the hands of a stranger over yours. You finally meet again after all this time, and the brother who you believed puts you above everything, points a gun at you. Yeah, Misha fucked up. But that will hurt anybody.

Misha challenges their relationship. He questions how much it even makes sense. It’s not only “how can you chose Noé over me?” But also “How can you kill Father but not him?” Is he more important than us?? And that’s a valid question. Messed up but understandable to ask. Noé has protected Vanitas and has been pretty helpful. But Vanitas doesn’t need him to survive. Noé isn’t essential for this suicide mission he’s on either. Misha cannot understand what Noé brings to Vanitas’ life.

Misha was so dependent on Vanitas that he couldn’t fathom his brother not feeling the same. Vanitas loves Misha, no matter how strained or corrupted that bond has become. But he is not emotionally capable to stay with him. And he is allowed to feel that way. And Misha is allowed to scream and wail and be broken about it. In conclusion, Misha is an amazing addition to the narrative, I love him a lot. But I also love Vincent from ph so that explains quite a bit doesn’t it?

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cepheustarot · 7 months

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What would make you feel better?

Attention! This reading is for entertainment purposes only. You make your own decisions and are responsible for them yourself, so it's up to you to listen to advice or not.

Choose one or more cards. Trust your intuition.

Card 1 Your current state: You are still holding on to some things in the past or you are attached to some people, relationships. These things or people may be dear to you, but they do not bring more joy or other positive emotions into your life. In fact, you are holding on to memories. Also I can say that you in a situation in which you do not see a suitable solution and just patiently wait for the situation to resolve itself. It's like a disclaimer, as if you're shifting the solution to the problem to the universe(?)

What will you help: You need to pull yourself together and solve problems! Deep down you know the right solution, but you can resist because you don't like it, it hurts or you don't want to upset another person, or something like that. In any case, if you don't act now, your condition will worsen and you risk falling into a state of apathy. You can also be helped to make the first step by a person you trust and who gives good advice, he is wise and has a lot of life experience, so try to talk to him. I believe that everything will turn out well for you and you will cope with any adversity.

Card 2. Your current state: As I see it, here you are in a state of affairs where little depends on you and the resolution of the situation depends on another person or smth like this. You are just patiently waiting for the outcome, while you are in such an incomprehensible state when you do not know what to expect. Unpredictability worries you very much and causes severe stress, you are thinking about different ways to resolve the situation, but this does not calm you down, but makes you even more nervous.

What will you help: Since you can't influence the situation in any way, you need to try to calm down and let it go, think less about it and switch to something else. Excessive overthinking will not make you feel better, so you need to focus on taking care of yourself, reduce stress and anxiety. In this case, any things that please or calm you will help you, the main thing is that they distract you from thoughts and do not allow you to plunge back into the previous state. A trip somewhere will help well, it doesn't matter if you go alone or with someone, it will in any case bring new emotions into your life. I believe that you will cope with everything, be kind to yourself.

Card 3. Your current state: you locked ourselves in though and detached from reality, spend more time alone with your thoughts. Obsessive thoughts make you very sad, you don't know how to cope with them and in general you are at a dead end, you don't know how to get out of this state and help yourself. You are also indifferent to many events in your life and can left to chance everything.

What will you help: first, it is important to fight with your thoughts, they need to be challenged. If you have negative obsessive thoughts, for example, you are not succeeding and there is a feeling that you will never succeed, then try to give arguments against them, for example: "I have already been through this and successfully coped, so this time I will succeed" or "I have just started my journey and am gaining experience, mistakes at the beginning are natural, success comes gradually", I understand that my explanation may sound vague, but I hope the meaning is clear. You also need to keep a balance, you feel very sad, but you should try to create moments that will bring joy into your life, whether it's meeting friends or hobbies, any little things that make you happy. This should help you see that there is not only one melancholy around you, and good moments are also present. If necessary, contact a specialist. Be kind to yourself and remember that you can handle everything.

Thank you for reading! I will be glad of any feedback <3

#pick a card #pick a card reading #tarot #tarot reading #tarot cards

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wackybuddiemewbs · 2 months

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Have I written some 26k words basically only based on some of the insane promo treats we've gotten - and twisting it around to waltz right back anything that could become canon? Apparently yes. *shrugs* Do I know where I'm heading with this? Nope. Will that keep me from it? Also nope. Have at it, peeps! Cheers!

This Future We Choose

Part 1/???

Part 2 • Part 3

While Eddie won’t use the Q word, even in his mind (if only to keep a very exasperated Buck from pestering him), things have been relatively calm ever since he got to the station.

In general, things have been just that. Calm.

Well, except for the chaos which are the wedding preparations, which are in full swing these days. Though Eddie was glad he could opt out of that, for the most part. The part he’s involved in largely revolves around the tasks Buck was assigned (insisted to to be assigned). Because that means he has to deal with Clipboard Buck wanting to make everything perfect, and upon his sister’s request make sure he doesn’t go into some kind of frenzy. Which Eddie will gladly do. That’s one of the easiest tasks for him, really.

But other than that, and the usual chaos there always seems to be, it’s been… calm. Things have been going great with Marisol. Sure, some bumps in the road while getting to know each other, but Eddie never had any illusions about it that things would be a smooth sail start to finish. But overall, it feels like life is going in the right direction again.

Even though there’s been a shipwreck not at all that long ago, it doesn’t feel like they have been lost at sea for quite some time. Which is refreshing.

Eddie is pulled out of his thoughts when he feels Buck’s arm brush against his as he settles down next to him on the couch.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Eddie greets back. He doesn’t miss the clipboard clutched between Buck’s fingers. “Back to wedding planning, I take?”

“Laugh it up all you want, but if you don’t write it down somewhere, you’re going to forget it. And those two most definitely are,” Buck snorts. He takes the pen he’s had clipped to the top and ticks off some boxes.

“What’s the achievement you can tick off, then?”

“I found the perfect location for Chim’s stag night,” Buck announces proudly. “I had to promise Maddie that we wouldn’t do anything crazy. She’s right, we’re way too accident-prone taken together. So we’ll keep it simple. Nice lounge all to ourselves, nice suits, good food, lots of booze, and some silly challenges Chim will have to do, so I have blackmail material for the rest of his life.”

“Was that the reason why you insisted on planning the stag night?” Eddie grins.

Buck would have planned the entire thing alone, had his sister let him, but Buck understood that this was important for Maddie and Chimney to do together. Though he would not let go of the responsibility of hosting the stag night. To quote: “You can pry that from my cold, dead hands.”

Buck smirks back. “What other reason could I possibly have?”

Eddie chuckles softly. He is glad to see Buck this cheerful again. He’d been worried, for quite some time. Ever since the lightning strike, really. Buck had told him some time back that he no longer felt the same. Which Eddie understood, better than maybe he ever wanted to. Because he doesn’t like to think back to his close calls. He wants to look forward, not back.

Eddie’s worry had grown significantly when Buck ended up in the middle of Kameron’s and Connor’s relationship drama over the child he helped them have. Buck hardly spoke to him during the time Kameron camped in his apartment. While he can joke about it now, Eddie has no illusions about it that it must have been extremely tough on Buck. Not just because Buck suddenly had to take care of a woman he technically helped get pregnant, but to help two people navigate to the life he helped them to. And that while struggling himself with the knowledge that he would not be part of that life he helped create.

But the baby is there, and Kameron and Connor have settled into their new home in Washington, to be closer to Kameron’s parents. So Eddie hopes that the distance actually helped Buck along. If he had to guess, it did. Because the forlorn expression, the longing with which he looked at his niece or at Christopher, it seems to have faded somewhat. These days, Buck is busy helping Chim and Maddie have their dream wedding, and Natalia of course.

Eddie will have to admit, he was not too sure about that relationship at first. He felt like he was having a flashback, Buck ending up with in a relationship with someone right after a traumatic event. And then of course, Natalia’s profession, her closeness with death… it honestly didn’t sit quite right with Eddie at first. Because he didn’t want to think about it anymore, how Buck died, how Buck was dead.

Three minutes and seventeen seconds.

But Natalia wasn’t like he feared she would be. She is lovely and supportive. She knows what she wants in life. And Eddie gets the impression that Buck can talk to her about some of those things about his death that Buck doesn’t share with anyone else.

So yeah, all in all, it’s calm.

Eddie is called back to reality by the noise of the pen being stuck back to the clipboard. He taps Buck’s biceps lightly. There was something, right. “Oh, before I forget. Marisol suggested we could go on a double date again. She found this supposedly amazing Indian place that’s all over social media. You and Natalia in?”

Double dates have been great, honestly. Natalia and Marisol got along right from the start. And while Eddie definitely won’t admit to that, it made things a bit easier. Sure, he’s went on dates on his own, but having Buck with him always puts his mind at ease. And Eddie likes to think that it also helped Buck smooth things out with Natalia, as they had a bit of a rocky start, to say the least.

“Oh, ugh… that’s…”

Eddie frowns at the way Buck’s entire body seems to tense up.

“Natalia and I… broke up.”

Eddie tries hard not to stare, but he is not sure he manages. “What? How long?”

“About two weeks. She got the last of her things she had over at my place, like, two days ago,” Buck answers, barely moving his lips apart as he speaks.

Whiplash is what comes closest to what Eddie feels hitting him right at that moment.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Eddie asks, hoping that he doesn’t come across as too demanding. Because it’s not like Buck owes him that information, even though they are best friends. Eddie just feels like this is something he should have known.

Or at the very least, suspected.

Buck shrugs it off in a vain attempt to make it seem casual. “Because it’s not a big deal, honestly. We both came to the conclusion we weren’t heading anywhere. It’s not like it was with Taylor or so.”

“You were together for months,” Eddie insists. “That’s a pretty big deal, if you asked me.”

“I wasn’t… I wasn’t trying to make this a secret. I guess I was still sorting myself out. Because, as you said, we’ve been together for a while,” Buck tries to explain, but Eddie can sense that there are things Buck would rather say, but doesn’t. He can see it by the way he purses his lips. Because Eddie knows Buck.

“But you are… you are okay?” he asks, softer this time.

“Totally. This was the first time I managed to end things before anyone got hurt. That’s what I call improvement, right?”

Eddie looks at him sternly. “Buck, you don’t have to pretend with me.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re joking, even though you’re likely still sad about it. So yes, you’re pretending,” Eddie sighs.

He knows Buck, better than Buck probably knows himself at times. At least that’s what he keeps getting told, even by Buck’s own sister. So Eddie feels like, yes, he knows him. Which is why he knows Buck, since a young age, learned to make people think he is fine, even though he is anything but that. Because he was always more afraid of the pain of being left behind than he was of facing the pain of handling things on his own.

But Eddie won’t stand for it. Ever. Buck doesn’t have to be in pain for him to see him.

“Sorry. You’re right,” Buck concedes. “I just… I wanna try to see the positives.”

“And that’s okay,” Eddie exhales. “But allowing the negatives has to be okay, too.”

“Frank taught you that?” Buck teases.

“He wrote it on a sticky note and hands it to me every time I go down that route, because he says he’s too tired always repeating it to me,” Eddie huffs.

Frank is great, actually. He helped him a lot. Some time back, Buck said that therapists are like reality filters. And he’ll have to give him that, Frank does just that for him.

“I kinda love that guy,” Buck chuckles, but then his face twists again into that fake smile Eddie hates more than anything.

Eddie opens his mouth to reply something, but then the alarm goes off.

“Duty calls!” Buck rushes off before Eddie can say anything more.

So much to how things are calm. More like, the calm before the storm, huh?

###

Eddie settles down on the bench next to Buck, who is still rummaging through his locker to get out his spare shirt. Looking at Buck’s bare torso, he can’t help but still think about how it used to be marked by Lichtenberg figures not at all that long ago. And how odd it felt when they were gone without a trace. Like none of that ever happened, even though it did.

Three minutes and seventeen seconds.

“So, to touch up on our conversation earlier…,” Eddie begins.

Buck lets out an exasperated sigh, rolling his eyes at him. “Eddie, honestly, it’s fine.”

“I’m not saying it’s not fine. I just want to offer beer and pizza over at my place, if you feel the need to talk about it,” Eddie argues.

He doesn’t want to press, but he knows that Buck needs a bit of a push sometimes. And Eddie feels like he owes it to Buck, to keep pushing. Because Buck has done that for him, even though Eddie pushed back very hard. Buck was one of the reasons why Eddie went to therapy. Buck didn’t give him an easy way out. He became his check-in with reality, until Frank took over the duty.

And Eddie is thankful for that, he honestly is. He knows how hard that must have been for Buck. To not just pretend like all is fine, to step into the room with him. To be uncomfortable and even risk being blown off by Eddie for it.

So, to his mind, it only seems fair to do the same for Buck now.

Even if that means being a little pest about it.

Buck slips on the clean shirt. When he sticks his head through the collar, he has that dorky expression on that always makes Eddie smile at him fondly. “So the guy equivalent of having ice cream and watching romcoms.”

“We can also do that, if it makes you feel any better,” Eddie snorts.

“Nah, I’m down for pizza,” Buck laughs, sitting down next to him, bumping his shoulder against Eddie’s. “Under one other condition, though?”

“Condition?”

“I get to pester Chris a bit.”

“How’s that ever in question?” Eddie huffs.

“Well, as you keep lamenting, he grows up so fast. So I need to get as many hours out of him before he’s too cool to hang out with his dad’s best friend,” Buck explains.

“You have my allowance to pester him, even when he’s too cool to hang out with you. Because he damn well has to keep hanging out with me, too, whether he’s too cool for all that or not,” Eddie huffs.

“Awesome. Then we should get going.”

“Once you made yourself look presentable, sure,” Eddie snorts, running his hand over Buck’s still messed-up hair.

Buck dodges his hand away. “Thanks, dad. Do I have to tuck the shirt in, too?”

“Nah, that’s fine.”

“You’re a great friend, you know that?”

“Yeah, I know I’m amazing like that.”

“You really are.”

“Right back at you.”

The two smile at each other. Buck then turns his head to look at the lockers. His eyes seem to fix on Eddie’s open locker. Something shifts in his demeanor, only for a second, too short for Eddie to decipher it. But before he can say anything, Buck gets up, shoulders his bag, and throws them both shut.

“Then let’s go!”

###

The ride over to Eddie’s place remains mostly silent. They go back and forth about their choices for pizza toppings the way they always do (because Eddie will fight anyone over having the audacity to put pineapple on pizza, including his best friend). Christopher is very happy about Buck coming over, and the pizza, of course. And despite being a bit on the moodier side of his teenage years these days, he and Buck soon fall back into their usual rhythm of talking about anything that comes to mind and playing some video games after dinner.

Though Eddie can’t shake this sense of foreboding, all the way until Chris is fast asleep and he’s rummaging through the fridge to grab the beer he’d promised Buck. Because something is definitely up with Buck, and if he had to guess, it doesn’t only have to do with his recent break up.

But Eddie is going to get through that. He’s dealt with worse. They both have.

So he grabs the beers and proceeds to the living room. Buck looks only a bit uncomfortable on the couch, mindlessly playing with a loose thread on his shirt. Eddie settles down next to him, holding out the cold bottle to Buck. He takes it, flashing a bit of a shy smile.

“So,” Eddie sighs.

“So.”

“Is there anything you wanna talk about?”

“Want is a strong word,” Buck huffs, choosing to play around with a loose edge of the beer’s label instead of the loose thread on his shirt.

“You know how I mean it.”

“I don’t know, honestly. It’s been a first for me, too. Because things have been going great with her. I still like her a lot,” Buck admits. “I still miss her, to be honest.”

“Then why break up?” Eddie asks.

“Maybe the self-help books have taken over my brain, but… one of those things I keep thinking about all the time is… what do I actually want in life? Ever since the lightning strike, I… I feel like… like I’m not going to get another chance like that. To come back from the dead. Sure, lightning doesn’t strike in the same place twice, but… there’s always another disaster right ahead. Which makes you think about your choices in life all the more, you know?” Buck chews on his bottom lip pensively.

“I felt the same, whenever I had a close call,” Eddie admits in a hushed voice. “It forces you to reevaluate your choices. I get that.”

After he was down in that well and almost died, it changed a lot of things for him. And unknown to Buck, Eddie changed a lot about his life, too, by putting him in his will.

“I mean, I’ve spent quite some time even before that, trying to figure out what I want. What truly makes me happy. But after the lighting strike, after I… died… I just wanted to try again, to get back in touch with myself, to not just act like myself but… be myself again. Looking back, I guess I was looking to Natalia all the harder because she was fascinated by death in a way I’d always been myself.”

Eddie grimaces. “Fascinated?”

Because he can safely say that it was not fascinating to watch lightning strike through Buck, to see him dangling up there, not to find a pulse, to do compressions and see nothing happen on the monitor, counting the seconds, praying, praying, praying, and still nothing.

“Like, I was never fascinated by other people dying, but I know a part of me was… chasing it, this feeling of coming close to the edge, and taking a U turn at the last second. It always did something with me that I can’t really explain. So yeah, I guess fascination is the best word I can come up with, for the lack of an alternative.”

“Well, you do have a track record of getting hurt, for your parents to see you,” Eddie mutters.

And while Buck seems to have made his peace with that somehow, more so since the lightning strike, there remains a petty part in Eddie that keeps holding that grudge in Buck’s stead. Because he won’t ever understand how parents can look at their kid, and look away the way Buck’s parents have done it with their kids. Yes, he ran away from responsibility for a while, but Eddie can safely say that he never looked at Christopher like he was a nuisance. He was afraid of not being enough for him, never the other way around. Just like he never looked at his son to be anything else, never the means to some end.

“Yeah, that’s… certainly been a recurring theme, I’ll give you that,” Buck hums in agreement.

“… Which is why you felt like she was seeing you.”

Eddie had wondered, for a long time, what Buck had meant when he told him that Natalia saw him. A small part had been hurt at that, to be honest. Because Eddie always got the sense that he had an eye on Buck – and far more importantly, that Buck knew that he did. That Buck dared to rely on it, when he’d grown accustomed to not having anyone in his life to have his back. That people only saw what he projected, and never what lied underneath.

But looking at things now, Eddie starts to see where Buck came from with this statement. Natalia saw him in a way none of them did, couldn’t possibly. Because none of them could feel any fascination, thinking back to this moment. He certainly doesn’t. And while Eddie tried to offer support, to be that shoulder for Buck to lean on as he’d been to him during his breakdown, Eddie knows he tried more to distract than turn the light on it. Be it poker nights or having him spend time with Christopher, to get him out of his own head.

In that sense, he made Buck look away. And Natalia made him look at it. Because she was fascinated by it, she was not afraid to look at it. And deep down, Eddie is still afraid to look at it, to remember it.

Three minutes and seventeen seconds of not having Buck in our lives.

No, he doesn’t want to remember that. He wants that to fade, like the Lichtenberg figures. He wants this world gone he was stuck in for three minutes and seventeen seconds, forever.

“Yeah. Natalia was seeing me the way I had always tried to get my parents to look at me, I think. Subconsciously, at least. Like, to me, feeling alive… truly alive… I grew up with this sense of how I could only ever get there if I was living on the edge. Getting close to death was the way to live, for them to see,” Buck tries to explain.

“So Natalia looking at you for how you died and came back… felt like you were back alive again, in a way that you haven’t felt since all of that happened,” Eddie concludes.

“Yeah,” Buck confirms. “Which means that, in the end, I was chasing a former version of myself. Maybe not Buck 1.0, but…”

“… Evan?”

He shrugs. “Maybe, I don’t know. But might be.”

“Then, what changed?” Eddie wants to know.

Buck leans further back on the couch, inhales, exhales, then inhales again. “I helped Connor and Kameron have their baby. I held that little thing in my arms and he was perfect… And I spent a lot of time, trying not to think about it. Like I didn’t try to think too hard about the fact that I died. Because, as glad as I am that I could help them… there was a very ugly part of me that regretted it. And I… I didn’t want to look at that, at all. Because I don’t want to regret this. I don’t, not really.”

“But he was perfect, and he wasn’t yours to keep. And that hurt,” Eddie whispers, feeling his own heart clench at that.

Eddie still doesn’t know how Buck managed to do it, to follow through with this most selfless act. It’s perhaps a different thing if you don’t know the people you make a donation for, if you don’t ever see that child. But Buck knows Kameron and Connor. He helped Kameron when Connor got cold feet. He delivered the baby. He held it. And he didn’t get to kiss it, didn’t get to call it his. He had to give it over to Kameron, he had to give it up. Eddie can safely say he couldn’t have done for those two what Buck did. He looked at Christopher once, and despite all of his anxieties, he knew right at that moment that there wouldn’t be anything he could ever possibly love more than that child.

“Yeah, it hurt. Like, I knew this was the outcome. Well, I didn’t know I’d actually have to deliver the baby, but… I knew that, in the end… I’d be donor, not dad. That was the deal. I walked away from this, even though it hurt. And I honestly think I managed not to insert myself into their life, after. To just be that donor for them… But yeah, holding that baby… I just… I realized just how much I want this.”

Eddie blinks. “To have a baby?”

“To be a father, to have a child that I get to call mine. Like, I don’t care one bit whether the kid has my DNA. But I… I realized that one of those things I’ve been yearning for, for so long, is to… to be a father. Not just Uncle Buck, not just Donor Buck. Not just… In-case-of-emergency Buck… Just… Dad Buck, just dad.”

Eddie can feel something tingling uncomfortably in his stomach. Is that, at least in part, how Buck sees the will? That he is the in-case-of-emergency, should something happen to him? And that this is all, or most of it?

Which may beg the question: Why would he want it to mean more for Buck? But Eddie has no answer to that yet.

Eddie coughs lightly to gather himself again. “And Natalia… doesn’t want kids?”

“She says that she really doesn’t. Which is totally fine. And it’s honestly not the reason why we ended things. The more we talked about what we want out of life, the more we came to realize just how different our goals were. And sure, you don’t have to want the very same thing at all times, but…”

“… you need a general direction, hit some milestones together.” Eddie nods.

“Right. And we had to see that we like each other a lot, but things don’t align for us beyond that attraction and care we feel for one another. Even without the family planning issue. So we figured we’re better off trying to find someone who’s better suited to walk that path with us.”

“So you’re really fine with it, breaking up with her?”

“I was never good at… break ups. I… I always felt like failing. But this time, neither one did anything wrong. We just… figured out that it wasn’t going anywhere. So… ugh, yeah, I’m good, with the break up. I’ll miss her for quite some time, I’m sure. But… I feel like it was the right choice, and that I managed to follow through with it before it was too late, before anyone got hurt. I’m honestly glad about that.”

“Right.”

Eddie takes a swig from the beer, which turned almost lukewarm between his sweaty hands.

“So… you want to be a father.”

He knows he shouldn’t be surprised. Buck always loved kids. You only have to see him interact with Christopher once to know that Buck was born to be a dad one day. But for reasons Eddie can’t really explain, there is something pulling on the strings around his heart upon that admission, that realization, really.

Because, in the end, that means he is looking to another child to take care of. What Eddie doesn’t know is why that actually hurts to think.

“It doesn’t have to be, like, tomorrow. Or even this year or the next. But I know this is what I want, rather sooner than later. I know that now.”

“Ever since you held the baby,” Eddie assumes, but Buck shakes his head. “Actually before that. I just… didn’t understand it, I think.”

Eddie tilts his head. “How do you mean?”

“You know, in that dream I’ve had while I was in a coma… I… my parents talked about my kids. And I remember how my heart skipped a beat. That in this version of my life, I was a dad! Only to find out that those were the kids in my class, as I was a teacher. Like, dreams often tell us what we actually want. And… and I feel like I’ve been shying away from that.”

“From hanging around kids? Hardly.”

“No, I mean… I love kids. I always did. I love babysitting. I love, beyond anything, hanging out with Chris. But the idea of having a child of my own… for a long time, it’d felt more like a threat than anything else, “Buck admits, chewing on his bottom lip.

“Because you’d lose your freedom?”

“No, because if I had a kid, I’d have a reason not to… be willing to give my life for the greater good. I know this sounds silly, but…,” Buck says, his voice trailing off, but Eddie interjects, “It’s not silly. I know how I struggled, trying to reconcile doing this job, while also being a father. Some days, I’m not sure I’m managing.”

There were many things he struggled with, coming back from the war. His parents were on him for wanting to become a firefighter. But yes, it was on his mind. What it meant to do a job that could very well mean he wouldn’t get to go home to his son. Because he was willing to sacrifice his life for someone other than his son. But Eddie found enough resolve in him to always try his hardest to come home. And to this day, he dares to think that this is enough.

“See, I couldn’t have that. After I found this job, my path in life, my purpose… I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. But then I met all those amazing parents, you very much included, and… and I had to realize that it is possible. That you can still dedicate yourself to this purpose, but… but also to having a family.”

Eddie smiles faintly. Whenever he is in doubt about his ability as a parent, he has to look no further than to Buck to find that reassurance he craves more desperately than he’d want to at times. Because to Buck, Eddie is the picture boy kind of dad. While Eddie would not sign up to that, it always gives him reassurance. That he’s doing okay, even if he feels like he is failing his son, sometimes. Because there is someone who makes him look at all the other times he was doing well. Because there is someone who sees Eddie not just for the things he messed up, but for all the times he did right, and who sees him for who he can be as a dad further down the road.

“Coming back from what happened, I… I felt like I couldn’t go back to life as I knew it. And that’s true. I won’t ever be the same, after I… died. But I definitely won’t find my happiness by chasing an unhappy former version of myself. I… I want more out of my life than casual relationships and… only being a backup. I want… more. And I… I try very hard to tell myself that that’s okay. That I’m enough, to… to have that.”

“Of course you’re enough. You’re allowed to live whatever life you choose,” Eddie assures him, because he knows that Buck needs to keep hearing it, to let that sink in, the same way he relies on Buck to tell him what he can’t seem to grasp sometimes.

“I’m starting to get there.” He leans his head back. “I mean, it honestly feels a bit like a joke. Like, I die, literally die… and I spent so much time before and after the lightning strike, trying to find true peace, true happiness… and… and now I feel like I finally found out… and I have no idea what to do with that information. Like, what’s next?”

“You’re allowed to take your time, figuring that out, Buck.”

“Yeah, I know. I just… I guess I’m being impatient. Or rather… I don’t know how long I have to keep waiting, before I get to have that happiness. Because I spent my whole damn life, waiting. And I fear that if I keep waiting too long, I… I will keep missing out.”

He looks at the ceiling for a long moment, wrinkling his nose with a pensive frown. Then something sheepish flashes across his face, forcing him to twist his head back around to look at Eddie. “Which is to say, I’m not… unhappy, being Uncle Buck and all that. I’m not unhappy, period. I’m still over the moon that you’ve put me in your will. That you’d entrust your child into my care, should anything happen to you. Like, I don’t want it to come across like this is lesser to me. It’s not. I love Christopher. But… but… but he isn’t mine, not actually. He’s yours.”

Distantly, Eddie is called back to the small fight they had a few weeks back, in the basketball court. When they disagreed about how to help Christopher navigate his first crush. And how it’d slipped out of him during the game, that Buck wasn’t Christopher’s dad, that it was not his call to make. Eddie had regretted that even more than Buck could ever have regretted shoving him a bit too hard to take the ball from him thereafter. And oh God did Buck regret that.

Eddie had never meant for it to come out that way, but now he starts to see just how much that must have upset Buck. Because it confirmed this fear that he’d been carrying around himself ever since the lightning strike. To be confronted with the reality, yet again, that this was not his child, not his call to make. Because Christopher is Eddie’s son, not Buck’s. Even though he loves him like he is, Eddie has no doubt about it.

“I’m more to Christopher than I am to anyone else’s child. And I’m forever indebted to you for… for giving me that purpose, for letting me share in that with you,” Buck continues. “It means the world to me.”

“But you want to be a father. So that’s just not enough,” Eddie mutters.

“Hey, if I could steal Chris, I probably would,” Buck jokes, but then turns more serious again. “But… yeah, I guess I want more, in the sense of… not just having a kid on the weekends, taking them to the zoo, help with school projects, or pick’em up when the parents are busy, and all. I want the whole damn deal, you know? Parent teacher conferences, figuring out schedules, fussing over them getting a fever, dealing with tantrums, being the bad cop, fail and keep trying…”

He lets his head fall back around so he is facing the ceiling again.

“And… and I start to allow myself to go for it, actually go for it. But I want you to know that, no matter what happens, that’s never going to change anything about me caring about Christopher in any way I can. Because I will, always.”

Because Buck still loves him, as his own. Even though he isn’t. Only ever in case of emergency.

Eddie closes his eyes for a moment, to let that sink in. Truthfully, that’s not what he saw coming, when he put Buck in his will, not even when he told him about it at long last.

“I know,” Eddie almost croaks. “You’re always going to take care of him. Because you love him, so much.”

“I do.” A smile creeps up his lips, but it looks fake, Eddie notes. “I mean, who knows what the future holds? If you and Marisol get more serious, or you wind up marrying again… who knows how long you’ll need it in the papers that I’m the backup, right? Coz then he’d have another parent watching out for him. In which case I’d be the backup for the backup.”

Eddie feels the air knocked out of him this time. He had never thought about it too hard, though maybe he should have. Because yes, if he winds up finding someone to spend his life with, they’ll be the ones to take care of Christopher before Buck.

That would be the normal thing, at least.

But in Eddie’s mind, ever since he put Buck in his will, there has only been one person to take care of his son, should something happen to him. And that person is Buck, always only Buck.

But was that just wishful thinking on my end?

“Which is to say… I think it’s not fair for me to rely on you and Christopher for that, so very much. To find that part of my happiness. Because that’s actually just between the two of you. And I have to be fine with that. But that also means I have to… go for it myself, or else I won’t ever get it.”

The words get stuck in Eddie’s throat. How Buck can rely on them, how it’s totally fair, how much he wants him to rely on it. But who is Eddie to say that to him, after what Buck just admitted to? Because Christopher is not Buck’s. Even though, despite being all grown up these days, Buck is still Christopher’s Buck. So why should Buck have to keep relying on what he can get from Eddie and Christopher, if he can find the one thing that can make him truly happy? To be a father in his own right?

How would that be enough?

“I feel like I blow this way out of proportions, but I just… I felt like if there’s one person who should know before all else, it’d be you,” Buck concludes.

“I’m glad you told me,” Eddie says.

He is, he really is. But why is it that his heart is aching so much right now, he wonders?

“Is it okay… if that stays between us two, for a while? Until I’m a bit more sorted out about… how to take the next step? It’s not like it’s a grand secret, but I feel like it’d raise questions I wouldn’t be able to answer right now.”

“Of course.”

“Thanks, for everything, really.”

“Never for that.”

Eddie watches as Buck keeps looking at the ceiling, which leaves him to wonder what Buck sees there.

The night fizzles out after that rather quickly. Before he knows it, Buck is tying his shoes and slipping into his jacket.

“Well, I guess I should be going, then. Thanks for… I was going to say for listening to my crap, but I’m gonna say… for being there. I… that means a lot,” Buck says.

“Always, Buck. Always.”

“Thanks. Well, I’ll be on my way, then.”

Eddie watches Buck as he stops by the door, for the briefest of moment. His fingers run down the door frame. And Eddie can’t help but wonder whether he’s saying goodbye to something. What it is, he isn’t sure. But he fears that Buck is saying goodbye to a pathetic fantasy they both got lost in, for what it seems.

Because, contrary to what Buck found out about Natalia and him, Buck and Eddie want to hit similar milestones, walk down the same path, but they can’t walk them together.

And isn’t that the biggest joke in it all?

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buck x eddie #eddie x buck #evan buck buckley #evan buckley x eddie diaz #eddie diaz x evan buckley #buddie fanfic #fanfic #911 spoilers #I guess

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marabarl-and-marlbara · 6 months

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hello. i'm not sure how to phrase this properly but do you have any advice on not being afraid of being social with real humans? i admit i am a bit paranoid. i do not want to share anything about myself with anyone in real life, i do not want to use any social media that can be easily traced back to my real identity, i am afraid of meeting up with and talking to people i can meet locally etc. i know that human connection requires vulnerability and being "real", but i've seen far too many examples of people being bullied for being themselves and from my experiences relationships don't last that long, i can't keep friends, so it's almost not worth it to open up that much because it can be used against you later once you stop talking etc etc etc., at least that's what i think. i don't know how to perceive people as kind and stop being afraid. it's hard. sorry if this question is not phrased well.

hi anonymous; i:m terrible to ask for this!

i have basically no real-life relationships and my whole life has basically been a tomb built upon an inability to change, connect, and grow; spiritually i:m like what happens if the bacteria inside an empty house is allowed to stagnate and flow in-to the floorboards till it becomes like a fat pungent jelly saturating the baseboards, principal post, foundation; nasty and tepid and like a black mold :-))!

any-ways: what helped me get-over my social anxiety, slightly, was just gradual exposure at my own behest: forcing myself to go-out and get something nice for myself weekly/daily; when i had a little more money: this would be stopping out for coffee; or: just going to a thrift-store and looking at books.

for internet stuff and bullying: being open and facing consequence for your own existence is just part-and-parcel of being a person; even: if you are "making a career out of yourself" (whether it be an artist, or just some prolific poster (i:d consider this a career, absolutely, because when i was "way emotionally worse" i:d more-or-less literally get financially incentivized for being actively suicidal and mentally ill--blood sacrifice)) you sort-of implicitly are surrendering a barrier between yourself and other, cause ultimately it:s All About Connection & people don:t connect to barriers super well; incidentally, i think i had a worse time with "bullying" when i had more to be ashamed about myself, and had more internal insecurities -- but i also cared more about my identity as an artist; i:ve Confronted(!) the parts i:ve been too ashamed to confront and made peace with them, and now am mostly content with just housekeeping.

But: i:m still terrifically lonely. purpose and identity helps there; the only things that have ever abated the loneliness for me is being completely ensorcelled with /something/ (like a writing project, drawing, fleshing out an inner world, feeling like i am furthering my goal to the Communication/bacteria) -- and those only come as impulses for me; without: every-day is just a lonely dead-quiet stretch between meals that:s filled up with finding excuses to keep myself busy.

~but: i think that:s also "better;" i keep myself to a routine and give myself responsibilities that i don:t let myself shirk (my praying, my cleaning, my exercising, forcing myself to go to church once a week, my cooking, my grocery shopping); it:s like what moto realizes at the end of boogiepop phantom episode 1,

unfortunately we have to reconcile ourselves by ourselves, and likely: that is a life-time struggle that none of us get to shirk;

if you:d like a recommendation, anonymous, i:d like you to watch "boogiepop and others" (not "boogiepop phantom") episode 6; it:s an episode about that struggle, suema talks about it; if i:m feeling super-duper down i:ll listen to that conversation @ the end of episode 6 between suema and aya, about the struggle with the imaginator, and whether-or-not boogiepop is real.

anyways, i don:t think i gave you great advice here anonymous; even: i doubt any of this will lift your spirits >:-)) but @ minimum: try to be kind to yourself, including patience with yourself, and also responsibility to yourself; often it seems like people are awaiting another to come and pluck the dirt out of us: but that dirt is us, and all another can do is add more slurry to us.

take care chief.

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kaatiba · 18 days

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The Storyteller, The Djinn & The Prince ✧ a WIP Re-Introduction

The crown prince has been kidnapped by the djinn, and his mother will stop at nothing to find him and bring him home, even if it means marching into the realm of the Unseen on what everyone insists is a hopeless mission. He's gone, she is told. Grieve him, for he is as good as dead. If he is returned to you, he will not be the same child you knew. But he isn't dead, and Queen Sirin refuses to accept his loss, refuses to grieve him, even if she is called mad for her insistence that he is alive, for her determination to rescue him. She cares not that no one has ever returned from such a venture. She's going to save her son or die trying. Enter Halah; the only person taken by the djinn who claims to have escaped them, rather than been returned. Only she can lead Queen Sirin and her cousin, Raoul, into the Unseen realm and guide them through the kingdom of the djinn...so when Sirin pleads for her help, she agrees. She can't abandon a child, even one she doesn't know. Even if it does mean returning to the last place in all the realms she ever wants to see again...

[[ Updates below the cut! ]]

Sixteen-ish years of working on this wip and I finally have a title! My favourite thing about the new title is that it all refers to multiple characters, which is SO fun to me. Spoilers though, so I shan't say more about that.

The title came to me just after suhoor (~6 am) in March, and I was so excited I immediately jotted it down in my phone before I fell asleep. Legends of Mourra was always the series title, but the volume I've been working on is the first in a series of standalone novels set in this world I've created!

For the longest time, I'd been planning for LofM to be a duology + a spin-off. But as volume no.1's story changed (and as I've changed as a writer), I've come to realize and accept that this is going to be a self-contained story and it works so much better that way. I've finally fully let go of the last remnants of the Grand™ Plot spanning entire decades that I'd initially conceived of. The Storyteller, The Djinn, & The Prince will be very much in the vein of a tale from Arabian Nights, self-contained and (hopefully) satisfying.

I've also finally allowed this to be truly my MC Halah's story, which is reflected in the title (she's the storyteller....or, one of them...). Weird, I know, but I'd initially wanted to write this from the pov of a 'sidekick' to the 'main heroes', but that meant I'd resisted actually letting Halah be a fully realized character. It made my story feel very flat and surface level. I only belatedly realized I could still make it seem so from the perspective of the events that occur in-universe, while still allowing Halah to be the main character of her own life, as we all our to ourselves.

I'll keep the tags I've been using because I'm used to them, so if you want more updates you can keep an eye on the #lofm.wip and #lofm.inspo tags specifically or #kaatibawrites tag more generally.

Thanks for reading!

#lofm.wip #kaatibawrites #wip reintroduction #wip introduction #kaatiba.edits

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stilljuststardust · 2 months

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Sup, me AGAIN (I know I’m annoying you at this point probably I’m sorry)

I have no idea why I haven’t shifted yet. I haven’t been trying for that long but I have been trying. Mainly using guided meditations as that’s what feel right for me. But I have problems letting go of my current reality I guess? Don’t know why though.

Any experience with this and/or advice? Thanks for listening to my chaotic ramblings lmao. -🦜

Awnser ✧"why haven't I shifted yet"✧:

Hello again 🦜! Nice to see you!

I don't know the details of your journey but I do have advice. If you don't resonate with it you don't have to take it. Shifting is incredibly personal and all that matters is what you personally want and believe.

If my little speech here is unhelpful or boring I've also listed some general tips at the end.

I'm going to tell you something I wish someone told me at the beginning of my journey:

There doesn't have to be a reason

For alone time I was very very prone to trying to find the reason behind it or uncover my "blockages", but in truth there wasn't actually a reason or deeper meaning behind it.

It's best to avoid the mental state of "what am I doing wrong?" "What do I need to change?".

Not only because it doesn't actually help you but because this often leads to the "pit of despair".

We've been conditioned to believe that we have to follow a certain blueprint to achieve success. There is nothing wrong with you. Nobody has access to hidden knowledge that you don't have.

I'm a believer that nothing can truly hold us back from shifting. You are stronger than you think. There isn't a road block or a gatekeeper holding you back. The only limits are the ones we set for ourselves.

People who have already shifted aren't different from you in any other way. They aren't better than you. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone in order to shift.

You have limitless potential. Everyone can shift, you aren't the exception you are the rule.

Tips and advice:

1. You don't need to follow methods to the letter.

If you don't like something about a method, change it. If you struggle with part of a method change it. Methods aren't set in stone infallible pieces of shifting knowledge, they're customizable tools to help you on your journey. You don't need a method at all if you don't want one. You don't have to do anything special to shift.

The key factors of most methods are: visualization, emotional connection, affirmations, and entering a meditative state.

You don't need to do these things in particular to shift. You can shift without visualization, you can shift without affirmations, etc.

They are 100% useful tools but if you don't find them useful you don't have to keep them.

When people say "find what works for you" they don't mean "wander endlessly till you find the holy Grail" they mostly mean do what feels right and if it doesn't feel right don't try to force yourself to like it.

2. Take care of yourself

I know. I know. Seriously though. It's easier to believe in yourself and connect to your DR if your mental health is good. You will feel your best if you sleep well, eat enough, drink water.

Regulating yourself is important too, it's easier to avoid self doubt spirals when you have a strong foundation. It's hard to put into words.

3. Connect with/embody your DRself

This is probably something you've heard but I think it's rarely fully explained.

Embodying your DRself is not putting on a facade or pretending to be someone else. What it is is recognizing that your DR self IS you.

Your DR is not foreign to you. You have lived a life there and the version of yourself that lives there IS you. Embodying it is to recognize that the person you are here is the person you are there. Obviously there are slight variations of your life experiences but you are you. It is easy to embody your DRself because it's you.

To embody it you align with the habits and thought patterns of your DRself more but this doesn't have to feel fake. Just take a minute to breathe in and out, feel your DRself within you. Think of yourself as one with it as you go about your day and there you go, you've embodied it.

Your desired reality is real and when you shift it will feel natural to you. (I have a post "your desired reality already exists" that explains this better)

I hope this helped but I'm not quite familiar with what you're struggling with in particular. If you aren't struggling with something maybe the truth is that nothing is stopping you. There doesn't have to be a reason.

#ask stardust #shifting antis dni #reality shifting #shifting community #shiftblr #anon ask #anonymous #shifting #shifting realities #shifting reality #desired reality #reality shift #current reality

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fa-by · 1 year

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Did you miss me?

Hey my babies 👋🏼🤗. How are you? Wow, has it really been that long? It's been 1 year and 2 months apparently and it doesn't seem so 😅. I feel like a part of me should apologize for the absence, so I'm sorry 🙏🏼 but, to be completely honest, the other part of me doesn't want to justify because this is just an app we use to distract ourselves from the reality of daily life 🤭🤣. So, for those who have been wondering, my recap is that I'm 31 now, I've been unhealthy/sick for several things, last year I grieved for my baby girl dog who passed away after 12 years (and who took a piece of my soul with her), I changed my job and I’m being mobbed by my boss every day 😅. The several most important good news? I adopted a beautiful puppy girl in September of this year 😍🤩 and my girlfriend whom you also know well came to me here in Italy twice; once for three months last year, and once for our 2-year anniversary this year by staying for almost a month ❤🥰😍🤩. Oh and, of course, I've started writing again as of today. This obviously has to be put among the good news 🤣. I won't hide from you that I've missed writing, so here I am, although I can't promise that I'll be very active in answering the asks as before due to my various commitments, but I'll try to be here more often 😉.

P.S. I'll only post the 6 most recent asks I've received because I didn't want to create a way too long post, but thanks to everyone for the recent and past messages (even last year's ones) ❤🙏🏼.

You broke my heart with that emoji 🥺. I'm here, dear @sweet-dreamcs ❤.

I'm here, my dear Anon 😄. I'm all ears 👂🏼 and I've missed all of you too.

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄, I answered about my health in the recap at the beginning of the post, thanks for your concern 🤗. I'm fine now, how are you? I hope well 😊.

I do still ship Camren, how could I not? 🤣 I'll ship them forever 😜. And yeah, I saw Laur's new “relationship”, if you want to call it that. I, on the other hand, like to call it for what it is: PR. And that I think explains my thoughts about it 😉.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 well thank you, my dear Anon😄. I like being right 😉. No, I'm just kidding no, I'm not 🤣. Joking aside now, I've already told you guys in the past that everything I post comes from the research I do and that therefore I post only the truth with proofs.

Anyway, yeah I'm not interested in the version with Señorito 😑, I'm just waiting for Mila's undistorted one now. Oh and, my dear? I'm ready for the thousand questions 🤣.

I'm here, dear Anon 😄. As you said yourself, they're both PRs, so don't worry. And I mean it for real. I don't know how I could reassure you guys any better than that since you already know how it works. It's not the first time we've endured it and it certainly won't be the last. Be strong as always, my dear 💪🏼. Don't talk about them around on social media because that's what they want, and hang on. That's my advice, my dear.

Hey to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄, and I'm okay now. Thanks for asking and I hope you're okay too 😊. Well, how can I answer your question correctly? 🤔🤔

The answer is in your question itself, my dear 🤣. What happened at Coachella and that we saw all over the internet is shit 💩. Yet another display of poor acting. It's as simple as this 🤣. No but, for real. They're simply testing the waters and creating havoc, aka publicity, before Mila's debut with the new label. That's it 🤷🏻‍♀️. Nothing new. Ignore them as I do.

‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍

I thank everyone for your concern for me and for continuing to write to me and wanting me back 🥰. I also thank you for the asks and I hope I've been helpful this time too 🙃. I'm always available for those who have questions, so feel free to ask 😄. Aaaand let's bring back my tradition, shall we? 👅.

Remember to be nice. Always. Both with others and with yourselves. Be a good example. Be patient. Be safe and take care of yourselves. Don't let our ship sink. Keep shipping them, but please respectfully 🙏🏼. Sending you virtual love and hugs 🤗🤗🤗. I love you, babies. Always with love, F❤️.

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orbmanson7 · 1 year

Text

I can't seem to go five minutes without thinking about more Logan angst today, so have this, too. It's an old thought that I've mentioned for years but never really posted here on tumblr.

Thomas' immediate reaction to Logan's appearance in Accepting Anxiety (Part 1) is to say "Ah, Logan's here, so I probably did something wrong." Logan then appears genuinely surprised and even somewhat distressed to hear Thomas say this, dismissing it as untrue before continuing to address his concern with Thomas' behavior.

The implication here, though, is that Thomas doesn't care about what he's saying but may commonly think this, even if only subconsciously, due to Logan's role in the series.

Thomas had become very accustomed to Logan only showing up to give exposition, provide knowledge and resources to better understand and discuss a topic, and to ultimately assist in resolving conflicts and issues Thomas has had. It makes sense that, through all that, Thomas may have inadvertently made a correlation of "I did something wrong" with Logan's arrival.

This is not necessarily something uncommon, both in real life and in media. Take, for instance, the myth of the Mothman. Some believe multiple sightings of the cryptid was a warning sign to an upcoming danger, based on a single instance in which several sightings of the Mothman occurred in and around Point Pleasant in a short period of time before a tragic bridge collapse that took many lives. There is nothing to suggest the cryptid had anything to do with the situation, but people were inclined to believe it merely due to the creature's appearance leading up to the disaster.

In Logan's case, even all the way back in Accepting Anxiety (Part 1), Logan was already being seen as his role of Thomas' logic and reasoning, not as Logan, a nerdy teacher character. He represents Logic, and logic dictates knowledge and advice, creates schedules and routines for Thomas' benefit, and only really exists to provide what is needed. Logan, on the other hand, is a big nerd who likes learning new vocabulary, indulging in his interests of space and watching Doctor Who, and reading mystery and sci-fi novels. He likes puzzles and trivia and Crofters and feeling like he's been useful and helped Thomas to the best of his ability.

Take another example, as it is not unreasonable for someone in the fictional version of Queens, NY to see Spiderman as a sign that crime is happening. While the hero's goal is to help fight that crime and serve justice, it is not as though merely seeing Spiderman means there is trouble afoot. But because people often only see or hear of the hero in regards to his role as the city's protector, they are more likely to see Spiderman for what he does rather than who he is.

If Peter Parker (or any other variation of Spiderman) were to walk around town, people wouldn't immediately associate his presence with danger or crime, but they might if he was still dressed as Spiderman. And that, right there, is the center of the issue - recognizing someone more for their role, but not as a person.

But Logan isn't the one who the other sides or Thomas seem to ever appreciate or want around. What they need is Logic, and what they don't want is Logan.

Virgil said it himself in Learning New Things About Ourselves with "No matter what we do, logic always has a part to play, Logan." While meant to be a positive message in context, indicating there are many different ways to address a problem, there is a negative connotation to this message, as well. The others' failure to consider Logan's difficulty in understanding their methodology only resulted in Logan believing his methods were ineffective and wrong. Being told that "logic has a part to play" indicates to him that they need Logic, but they didn't say they needed Logan (even though they spent a whole song stating that they needed all the other sides, specifically).

While some of the others also struggle with their identity separate from their role in the series, they often seek out the other sides for comfort and help with this issue. They are met with empathy, efforts to understand, and the assistance they need. Unfortunately for Logan, this doesn't happen for him, both due to what he understands for his role (he is meant to provide, not to receive) and his unwillingness to reach out to the others and break away from his role (especially as time goes on, as we've seen). Logan does not reach out and does not challenge the others' perceptions of him, and this results in his identity being taken up more and more by his role.

At this point in the series, it's a wonder he's involved at all except to provide exposition when asked. No matter all the times he's been dismissed or silenced, he adapts and finds new ways to benefit Thomas and fulfill his role while staying out of the way as much as possible. But, at some point, he's either going to adapt to something harmful (either to himself or Thomas) or he's going to refuse to keep adapting and stand up against his unfair treatment, challenging Thomas and the other sides' perceptions of him and the role he serves.

I hope it turns out okay, at least.

#sanders sides #logan angst #logan sanders #my brain just won't shut off today i swear #long post #mothman reference #spiderman reference #it makes sense if you read it just trust me on this #orbs thought bubbles #sanders sides analysis

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cooki3face · 2 years

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"Tips For Navigating Men That Aren't The One": Part 2

this is the second part of a blog post I made some time ago with the same title. If you haven't read that one please go read that here. The first post was both a satirical and basic set of rules that you can apply to help separate good men or potential partners from the rest. I fully intend to make this second one a more in-depth version of the first. Adding on to make a more complete and secure set of rules to follow.

Disclaimer: As stated in the first post, you don't have to follow these rules if you don't want to, these are what I believe helped/helps me. Thank you. <3

I hope that you're doing and feeling well and that all of your desires come to you effortlessly. 🤍

Rule #1: Please be aware that men will choose for their ideal life/ or dream.

As a woman, at least once in our lives, we may discover a man who cares for us or maybe even loves us but will choose someone over us who is completely different, looks different, behaves different, thinks different, or simply does not even fit into the same category we separate ourselves into. And this is okay, this is okay because we have to understand that men will always choose someone who fits better into the lifestyle they desire to live or the lifestyle they feel they want to live.

for example, a man who is wealthy and is looking for someone high maintenance or interested in the life that he is living is going to seek out someone who fits the criteria for what he feels is ideal. A man who is religious or has a pretty saturated cultural background and fully intends to remain that way may seek out someone of that same religious or cultural background.

Now, remember, stray away from subjecting yourself to a critical and harmful mindset that pushes you to believe that you are below someone or the issue. You are not. People will simply chase after what they think is ideal. But also, if you are a high-value woman yourself and believe that you are a prize, have a lot to offer, and anyone would be lucky to be with you in the first place, do not dwell on a man choosing someone who you may perceive to be not as well sorted out then you are or someone who lives a completely different lifestyle than you do. We often find that men will go to who they feel understands and reflects them. Whether he's a drug addict or a model for Ambicrombi and Fitch.

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Rule #2: Beware of men who do not truly respect you.

If a man can cuss you out, belittle you, refuse to validate your emotions, ignore your boundaries, apologize without change occurring afterward, lie to you, make fun of your appearance (physically or even your fashion), not prioritize your time together or communicating with you by choosing to put things above that, etc. He does not respect you. It is your responsibility as your own woman and your own person to immediately remove him from your space as soon as you notice that he doesn't respect you. Not only as a woman but as a person.

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Rule #3: If he can disappear or leave he doesn't deserve to be there.

A man who loves, respects, and honors his woman would never willingly disappear or leave his woman to be alone and all by herself or face the world alone. This could be as simple as him leaving you alone at a function or a party or in life by ghosting or disappearing.

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Rule #4: It's your responsibility to identify your triggers and your trauma.

The art of seeking out, attracting, and choosing a good and worthy partner if that's what you're looking for needs to start with healing and identifying patterns in your own life. You undermine the work of your spirit guides and ignore your own self-value by continuing to choose men or participate in bad habits because of your trauma. You have an unhealthy attachment style? Work on yourself and do what's necessary to change that so that you can securely be in a relationship. Have you forgotten to realize that your past relationships and partners may be a reflection of your parental relationship and parents? It's time to heal that trauma so that you can be attracted to better and choose better rather than being attracted to and loving a narcissist or someone who exudes narcissist behavior just like your mother or your father.

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Rule #5: See men for their actions and not for their words or their beauty.

Sometimes, and more often than not, we miss out on the crucial step of seeing people for who they truly are, the types of things that they do in comparison to what they say, and their behaviors. You have to do a better job at identifying red flags. Sometimes when we love people or are infatuated with people we become blind to the truth. Repeat after me, "It is my responsibility to identify red flags of people who come into my space." Remember this for later. We get caught up, confused, played, and mistreated when we don't do a good job at holding people to their actions and behavior and we just listen to the dream they're selling us instead. We must hold people accountable even if we love them or want to be with them. Because nobody else will do this for you.

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Rule #6: Remind yourself of the truth when recovering from breakups.

When you get out of a relationship with a narcissistic partner or someone who hurt you and didn't care, someone who didn't turn out to be the person you thought they were. Remember that it was your love that made them so special, so kind, so gentle. That they were none of those things at least not to you. Remember, "It was my love that made this person so special, not them." and "It is my responsibility to hold them accountable for them not being very kind or good to me." If that person loved you or cared for you the way you thought they had, they would not have done what they did to you.

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Rule #7: Activate your "dark-feminine" energy and preserve your "light-feminine" energy.

Your dark feminine energy is the part of you that protects you against anyone who tries to come in and do wrong to you, especially men. strengthen your intuition, be able to identify when someone has good intentions and when they don't, and do what's necessary to step into your dark feminine energy so that she can build boundaries that bad men and bad people cannot cross. Save your light feminine energy for those who truly deserve it, your compassion, your nurturing, and your soft interior for those who earn your love, and deserve your love. Repeat after me, "It is my responsibility to harness my power and look out for my heart and my peace."

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Rule #8: No more wasting your energy or your time on men who can't give you what you want, don't give you want, and don't offer anything for what you offer.

this one is quite self explanitory. Again, cannot. do not. and don't offer anything that you want. is a no go. Those types of people are a waste of time and space in your life. If you are manifesting marriage, a divine connection, true love, or a long-term partnership why are we sitting around wasting our time, energy, and love on someone non-committal and unhealed? Ladies, why? Do better.

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Rule #9: No more "but.. he changed." excuses or sympathizing.

I've just told you that it is your responsibility to identify red flags and bad behavior. Hold yourself to that, and hold the women in your life to that standard as well. "bUt He WaS dIfFereNt aNd hAd EveRyThINg BefORE I sAcRifICEd EvEryThInG aND nOW hES cRAzy, MeAN, aNd iNcApAbLE oF beHavInG LIkE aN adUlT!" Listen to how that sounds. We know that it is very difficult to unlearn bad and old behaviors so how do we come to the conclusion that after someone was "perfect" they suddenly began to behave differently or display outrageous expressions of behavior. It just doesn't make any sense.

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Rule #10: Be careful what you wish for.

This one can be kept short and sweet, don't manifest a partner, don't tell the universe you would like love...without being specific about what you're asking for. Set your intentions and desires straight.

"I'd like a partner." ✗ WRONG!

"I'd like a healed partner." "A balanced partner." "I'd like the right partner." ✓ WELL DONE.

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These are my ten rules, I hope these inspired you, or you found something useful here. Remember, what you put out into the world is what you get back, look out for yourself, and uphold accountability above all. I love you. <3!

#manifestation #self love #self expression #note to self #self discovery #self improvement #self worth #love yourself #self healing #standards #raiseyourstandards #boundaries #dreamgirljourney #dream girl #self care #pink

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