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20moonchild21 · 3 years

Text

𝗦𝗲𝗵𝗻𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗵𝘁 [𝗯𝘁𝘀]

⇉ 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 10

[pairings]

JK x female!oc, Bunny!JK x human!female!oc, Jin x female!oc, Leopard!Jin x human!female!oc, Jimin x female!oc, white Tiger!Jimin x human!female!oc, Taehyung x female!oc, black Tiger!Taehyung x human!female!oc, JK x Jin x Jimin x Taehyung x female!oc

[warnings]

actually none who need to be mentioned

[words]

4.1k

[author]

Today was soo exhausting for me, but uploading a new chapters somehow makes me happy again. I hope you all have an amazing day!

If you want to make your day even more amazing, I can only suggest you to check out Inferiority complex written by my favorite author @starlightauroras-main. Please, make sure to show her your support, because she deserves it so so much!

You can also leave this chapter a like or comment, if you want to. It would make my day!

Stay healthy and safe!

Mꨄ

[chapter 9 ||| chapter 11]

“Jin.” The girl nudged the older boy’s shirt, as he was about enter the kitchen. “Could I talk to you for a moment?”

It had become quiet in the apartment, since the sun had set a few hours ago. She had waited for the right moment to talk to Jin, because Jungkook had been around him all day long but right now, it seemed like he was occupied in his room.

Jin had followed the girl into the kitchen. He looked quite confused, as Hope looked back into the hallway to make sure no one would ear dropping, before she turned to the leopard, a wide grin played on her face.

“Where is Jungkook?” She almost whispered.

“Ehm – I think he was already asleep when I left the room.” Jin’s confusedness began to grow. “Why? What is with him?”

The girl’s grin went even wider, when she walked past Jin over to the end of the kitchen. On the counter next to the fridge was his cookbook laying upside down. When she reached it, she flipped it around and pointed her finger onto the opened recipe.

“Kookie’s birthday is tomorrow, do you remember?” She said happily, while clapping her hands in excitement. “I thought that you could help me to surprise him?”

Jin didn’t say anything at first. He just kept staring at the book with his eyes wide open, while he mumbled the word ‘birthday’ under his breath. Hope knew that they had probably never celebrated his or Jungkook’s birthday, but this chapter of their lives had ended when she adopted them. From now on, she would give them anything they deserve.

“Yes, his birthday and I am planning on surprise him.” She carefully pushed the book over the marble counter. “You will help me, won’t you?”

Jin nodded immediately, he started to gather up all the supplies he would need to prepare the cake from the book. Meanwhile, the girl got all the wrapping paper from her storage, before she spread it out on the dining table. She had printed and framed the picture of Jin and Jungkook after she had gone to the authority, a few days ago. This picture, she would just hang up at the wall for him as a surprise when he would look over the wall in the morning.

In addition to that, she had also printed another picture of Jungkook sitting on the couch and staring at the camera with his eyes wide open and his ear up in the air. This picture would perfectly fit onto the small shelve under the TV. She looked at the picture for a few seconds, before she started wrapping it up.

She placed the picture of Jungkook upside down onto the sheet od wrapping paper, before she carefully folded and taped it. When she was almost done, the sound of an opening door suddenly rang through the apartment. Hope stopped in her track and prayed that not Jungkook would come out of his room or else the whole surprise would be ruined.

To her luck, someone else stepped out into the hallway: Taehyung. The black tiger sniffed the air, before he cocked up his eyebrows and slowly walked up towards the sitting girl. When he had reached the table, his eyes fell onto the picture of Jin and Jungkook.

“Aww, what a cute little picture of your pets.” He had taken the picture from the table and was now fake-marvelling over it.

“Please, don’t break it Taehyung. It’s fragile.” She tried to sound stern and be quiet at the same time. Taehyung just gave her a look, before he carefully placed to frame back down on the table. She quickly took it and placed it in a safe distance next to her, before he could have a sudden outburst. “How can I help you, Taehyung.”

“My brother is snoring.” He pulled himself a chair back and sunk down.

Hope cocked an eyebrow up at his reason to be up this late. She didn’t know what he wanted, but she deeply hoped that he wouldn’t reveal her birthday secret to Jungkook because he couldn’t stand the girl.

“Jimin is – snoring?” She asked again, and he nodded. “You wanna tell me that a snoring Jimin caused you to leave your room and sit down next to me willingly?”

Taehyung didn’t say anything to that. He kept staring at the girl with wide eyes and nose trail, before he breathed out and sunk his head down, mumbling something under his breath she couldn’t understand. When she asked him to reaped what he had just mumbled, he just tapped his fingers against the wooded table, before he turned his head after a few minutes.

“My arm hurts, okay?” He snapped at her, crossing his not injured arm over his chest. “Just – just help me human. Please.”

If it wasn’t so damn funny to watch him jumping over his pride, she would clearly be angry at the boy. Anyone could see that he was embarrassed to ask her for help, but somewhere deep, deep down inside her, she somehow felt proud that he had asked her willingly for help.

“Okay.” She sighed and shoved the wrapping paper to the side, before getting the first aid kid. “I will look over your wound. But please try to stay quiet, I don’t want Jungkook to wake up and see his surprise.”

“Ah, you want to surprise your bunny.” He sarcastically stated, leaning back in his chair. “What did he do? Is he finally potty trained?”

Hope just rolled with her eyes and kept unwrapping the bandage around the boy’s arm. She could understand that he was angry with her, but why he couldn’t stand the other Hybrids, she didn’t know.

“No.” She simply relied, tossing the blood stained bandage aside. “It’s Jungkook’s birthday tomorrow. We will give him presents and eat the cake Jin is preparing right now. You are very welcome to join us, if you behave and not ruin his day.”

His arm didn’t get any worse over the day, which was a good sign. The skin around the scratch wasn’t as swollen and red as two days ago, and on the top there was already a new layer of skin forming.

“Naaah, I think I won’t come.” The tiger tried to sound cool, but she didn’t miss the sad undertone in his voice, as he kept talking. “Your cat and that bunny can’t stand me joining you at the table.”

Hope sighed. She knew that Jungkook overreacted the previous day when he had growled at Taehyung and Jimin, but the young boy had also been knew to this situation. He never had to share his territory with strangers, and the past day had been simply too much for him to process all at once.

“No one does not want you here, Taehyung.” The girl carefully added some more salve onto his arm, before she looked up at the older boy. “Jungkook – he is just scared, like you and – “

“I am not scared.” Taehyung quickly interrupted her.

“Whatever.” She just rolled her eyes and wrapped the new bandage around his arm. “What I wanted to say is that you and your brother are welcome here. Jungkook just needs to warm up to the both of you, and I think he already likes Jimin. He is a good boy.”

Taehyung just looked away, not saying anything else. Hope knew that secretly he just wanted to belong somewhere, where he and his brother would be accepted and loved. He wasn’t a bad person, but he was thought to act the way he was, because he had no other choice.

“Okay, your wound is okay. I will give you some painkillers, though. It will make the pain go away within the next minutes.” Hope announced, before she stood up and went into the kitchen, where she had placed all her medicaments.

When she came back, Taehyung was still sitting in the same position like when she left, but now, his eyes were once again fixed on the picture of Jin and Jungkook. She felt her heart breaking when she saw the sadness in his eyes. She waited a few more seconds, before she carefully placed the pills in front of Taehyung.

He quickly took them and stood up from the table. When he stood there, she could see his mouth opening to say something, but in the same moment he closed it again, before slightly shaking his head. Instead, he bowed his head almost unnoticeable and turned around to go back to sleep. It wasn’t the ‘thank you’ she had expected, but it was a beginning.

She tossed away all the supplies she had used to change Taehyung’s bandage, before she sat herself back at the table to continue wrapping up Jungkook’s giftss. While she thought about how she would set the presents and cake up the next morning, she heard how Taehyung just opened the door to enter his room, but he didn’t went in.

“I – “ He stopped his sentence, and the girl shot her head up. “I think he will like his presents.”

Before she had a chance to reply, the tiger was already entering the room, carefully closing the door behind him. Hope looked surprised into the dark hallway, before a small smile formed on her lips.

“One more step, Kookie.” Hope pulled the bunny’s hand slightly, until the four of them reached their final destination.

So far, it had been a wonderful birthday. When Jungkook had woken up this morning, he didn’t even remembered that it actually was his birthday. He had been so surprised when he had stepped out of his room and saw the set table in the living room.

Jin and Hope had prepared the table at night and just added the candles and cake in the morning before the bunny had woken up. They had placed the cake in the middle while gathering the candles and presents around it. In addition to that, they had added some confetti, balloons and streamers. Jin had already been overwarmed form all that colours, but Jungkook’s reaction had been priceless.

His eyes had been so wide that they had seemed to pop out of his head, when she had told him that they had prepared all this for him, and only him. But he looked even more speechless when he had opened his gifs.

First, Hope had bought him ‘The Lord of the Ring’ in addition to his hobbit book, hoping that he would also read something else if hobbits were included. All her worries had been gone when he immediately had started to flicker thought the pages, almost forgetting about his other present. Before he had the chance to unwrap it, a curious Jimin had come out of his room, lured by the scent of the cake and the candles.

The white tiger had looked shocked when he saw all the colourful balloons and streamerss. He had shyly asked what they were doing, and when they had told him that they would celebrate Jungkook’s birthday, Jimin had backed away immediately. He had told them that he didn’t want to be a burden and that he would just go back to his room, but to the girl’s surprise Jungkook had told him that he was welcome to celebrate with them.

Jimin had hesitantly agreed, but he didn’t want to sit down on the table or step too close towards it, so he had just been standing a few inches away, watching wide eyes what Jungkook was doing. Meanwhile, Jungkook had been occupied with opening his second present. Once he had pulled away alle the wrapping paper, he had been looking like paralyzed at himself at the picture.

Together, they had placed the framed picture at the small shelved under the TV, next to the single portrait of the girl that had already been placed there. While Jungkook had squeezed the girl to death, she had announced that she would need a single picture of Jin too, so he could be the next one on the shelve.

Despite all the happiness she felt when her two Hybrids were excited about their new found ‘family shelf’, she hadn’t missed the sad expression on Jimin’s face. He had wrapped his tail tightly around his leg, with his ear pressed against his head and his head sunk down. She had been wishing for nothing more than to hug him tightly.

So right now, the four of them were making their way over the photo wall. Jin had blinded his younger brother’s eyes with his hands, Hope was guiding the bunny by his hands and Jimin was trailing behind them down the hallway.

“Where are you taking me?” Jungkook asked for the fifth time, as he twitched his ears back and forth, hoping to hear something that would reveal the surprise.

“Here we are.” Stopped and turned back towards the still blind Hybrid. “Are you ready for you last surprise, Kookie?”

Jungkook didn’t hesitate a moment. He nodded his head like crazy, as the girl gestured for Jin to take his hands away from Jungkook’s eyes. The younger boy moved his eyes wildly around, trying to take in his surroundings. When his gaze fell onto the wall on front of him, he pulled his eyebrows together in confusion.

“Why are we here?” He asked, eyes still roaming round his favourite pictures. “Not that I am complaining but – “

He suddenly stopped in his mid-sentence when his gaze fell on the new picture hanging on the wall. Hope had replaced the picture of her friends with the picture of Jin and Jungkook. It wasn’t an easy decision for her, but she knew that it was time for her to move on.

Her friends form high school would always be her friends, but with them moving away all around the country, they hadn’t been able to hold their contact with each other. They had stopped talking, and they had stopped meeting several month ago, and she for a long time now, she had loose hope that they would ever talk again. It was time to move on.

“Is that – is that – “ Jungkook looked wildly between the photo on the wall and the girl, who was smiling like a child on Christmas eve. “But how – why – that is Jin and me.”

“Yes, Kookie. Do you like it?” The girl was looking at him with wide eyes.

Jungkook had her wrapped in his arms so fast, she didn’t even had a chance to react. He buried his nose in the creak of her neck and pulled her closer, squeezing and hugging the small female in his arms.

“But Hope.” The bunny suddenly pulled away, cocking his left eyebrow up. “What is with your friends? Why did you remove them?”

“You know, Kookie.” She sighed, as she looked at the spot where now the photo of Jin and Jungkook was hanging. “I haven’t seen them in a very long time and I think I won’t see them in a very long time again. I just – they are not in my live anymore. It felt right to let go of the past, because I have you now as my family, and I just thought that it was the right time to move on, you know?”

Jungkook’s eyes were wet, as his gaze flickered between the picture and the girl. It was heart-warming to his hi happiness. That was everything she had every wished for.

“Come on, Jimin.” Tae heard Jin saying from outside of his room. “We want to cut the cake soon. You should join us.”

The black tiger was standing next to the door inside his and Jimin’s room, with his ears pressed against the piece of wood. It wasn’t difficult for him to take in the voice from the other since he had animal-like instincts.

Today was the bunny’s birthday and Jimin had been with them the whole day. He had asked a few times, if Tae wanted to join them, but he had refused every time. It wasn’t that he cared about that bunny or even the girl. The only reason he was leaning against that door, ears roping what the people outside were talking about, was because he wanted to make sure that Jimin was okay. Yes, that was the only reason. At least, that was what he told himself.

“I – can I ask my brother if he wants to come, too?” He heard the quitter voice of his brother. “Maybe he wants to come out of the room today.”

Quicker that quick, Taehyung pushed himself off of the door when he hear the steps getting closer. He sprinted over to the bed, threw himself onto it and leaned against the headboard, before he crossed his legs and grabbed the book from beside the him.

Jimin entered the room, quickly closing the door behind him. Trying to look as if he wasn’t caring, Tae flicked open another page, not looking up at his brother, who was just about to sat down next to him on the bed.

“You smell like those people.” Tae muttered when Jimin put his head against the younger one’s shoulders, wrapping his arms tightly around his slim torso.

“I helped Hope with decorating the table earlier.” Jimin whispered.

Taehyung growled slightly when Jimin used her name. He had seen the way Jimin was warming up to the girl and her Hybrids over the past few days they had been staying here. He had joined them for breakfast a few times and today, he had spent the whole day celebrating that bunny’s birthday. He didn’t want his brother to be so close to them.

“I don’t like you smelling like them.” Tae just muttered back flickering open another page of his book.

“Hmm.” Jimin completely ignored his younger brother’s statement and lifted his head from Tae’s shoulder, looking up at him and the at the book Tae was holding in his hands. His eyebrow cocked up. “Are you really reading this or are you just flickering the pages, because you are holding the book upside down?”

Taehyung breathed out sharply, before throwing the book at the end of the bed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Stupid human book.” He hissed, as he looked at his brother. “I can’t understand why they are reading this. This is nothing but boring.”

Lie. The girl had given the book to Jimin the other day, recommending to read it. Because he had been bored, Taehyung had started reading the first pages. The book was quite interesting. It was telling the story of a small white whale and a boy named Ishmael. The other night, Tae had found himself being fascinated by that book, but there was no chance he would admit that.

He tried to tell himself over and over again that that girl and her pets had some bad intentions in everything they do. He tried to find something he could use as a reason to hate her, but he couldn’t. And that was what made him even more grumpy.

“Maybe if you weren’t so negative you would like it.” Jimin suddenly chuckled, as he put the book back onto the nightstand next to the bed.

“I am not negative, Jimin.” Tae snapped back, rolling his eyes when he saw Jimin’s amusement.

Jimin had always been the one to always see the positives sides of life. Even if they had been threatened badly or they had been living on the streets for months, Jimin was joking and smiling constantly. Even though he knew that Jimin was also putting up a façade, he sometimes just needed his bubbly personality.

“Whatever.” Jimin mumbled. “Jin made a cake and they invaded us to join them. I thought that maybe you would want – “

“No, I don’t want to.” Tae’s voice changed into an angry tone, before he stood up from the bed and walked over towards the window, not wanting to face Jimin. “You can go and eat with them but without me. It’s not like they want to have me there anyway.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and looked outside, where the fresh autumn wind was twirling around the colourful leaves. He didn’t like that time of the year. Autumn always reminded him that winter was coming, and winter meant that they would have to be out in the cold for a couple of months again. They would have to find a warm place to stay, they would have to find something to eat. He hated that time of the year.

“Why would you think that they don’t want you there too?” Jimin’s innocent voice ripped him out of his thoughts, as the older one walked up behind him.

The black tiger wrapped his tail tightly around his thigh when he thought about that night a few days ago. He knew that he had tried a few times to intimidated the girl or the other two Hybrids, but when he heard that they were really scared of him, and only him, it was like someone would punch him into the stomach.

“They are scared of me.” He just muttered, his voice held a tiny spark of sadness, but he tried to over play it.

“Why – why would you think that, Tae?” Jimin was fiddling with his hands when Taehyung turned around to face him. “I don’t think they are scared of us.”

“No, Jimin. They are scared of me, not of you.” He walked closer and towards his older brother, who was looking heartbroken because of what he was hearing. “Since the night we first came here, I can hear that bunny guarding her door at night. He said that he wouldn’t trust me, and that he thinks that I want to hurt her at night. I heard them talking about me. Pah, pathic little bunny. As if I would get my hands dirty with some human blood.”

He had sat down onto the edge of the bed, fiddling with his fingers while talking. It somehow bothered him that the girl and her Hybrids were that scared of him, even though he knew it had been his own fault when he showed off his fangs a few times. But it also made his jealous that Jimin had already found such a good relation towards the other three.

“He was just worried about her, Tae.” Jimin had waked up and sat down next to Tae. “He cares much for the girl, and when we came into his territory, he was just scared about her. I don’t think he really thinks that you would hurt her or his brother. You and me would do the same, Tae.”

Jimin was right. Of course he would try to protect his brother if there were any random intruders strolling around his territory. He really couldn’t blame that bunny.

“Come on, Tae.” Jimin whined as he stood up from the bed. “I don’t want you to pout in that room by yourself all the time. Let us enjoy the time we are allowed to spend here.”

Unwillingly, Tae’s gaze fell onto his still wrapped up arm. The girl had offered them to stay until he was healthy again, and that day would be coming along soon. His arm was getting better with every day.

A shiver ran down his spine when he thought about being on the streets again. Alone and scared, not knowing if they would survive the next night, or if someone would catch them and bring them God knows where to.

He only noticed Jimin’s absence when he heard the clinging sound of dishes and the sound of singing coming from outside. Slowly, he rose from the bed and walked towards the door. His pride was arching in his chest, as he battled with himself whether he should go out or not. He carefully peaked his head around the doorframe.

Down the hallway, at the dining table, he spotted Jimin, the girl and the other two Hybrids sitting at the table, clinking their glasses and eating the cake which’s smell was swirling around the apartment. The warm light the candles from the table and the happy voice sounded inviting to Taehyung, as he was still watching them having fun.

He wanted to go out and join them. He wated to sit at that table too, like Jimin did, but his pride and his pain were fixed too deep in his bones. At some point, they would have to leave anyway, so there was no use in getting attached to them. It would only break his heart at the end, so he took one last glance at the four people in the living room, before turning away and leaving the scenario.

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amidstsaltandsmoke · 3 years

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Drabble challenge- 46 and maybe extra angsty please 🥲🥲🥲

Hiiiiiii! Ok, I don't think that I really pulled off the EXTRA angsty, but there IS angst involved!😆 Then I had to throw in the hurt/comfort/fluff. I also changed up the quote a little bit, I hope you don't mind! This is from an unnamed universe I'm currently working on 😌🥰 Hope you like!!!! Thanks for the ask! 🤗🤗🤗 ________________________________________________ 46.) “I thought you were dead!”

Jon was losing his damn mind.

Dany never went this long without responding to his texts and calls, especially when he was out of state for work and he only had technology to rely on to reach her. He wasn't possessive by nature, but ever since learning of her sometimes fragile condition - to which she insisted was not the case - he couldn't and wouldn't dare let his protectiveness be put by the wayside.

She was too important to him, and he really didn't know what he would do without her. Couldn't even begin to outline a picture of what his life would even look like without her right by his side in it.

He'd left the project early so he could return to the rental house and try her again. His boss had all but tossed him off the property by the hem of his pants because he'd been not only obsessively checking and rechecking his phone, but he was far too distracted and had already nearly drilled his thumb into a roof.

It was all in support, however - his boss knew Jon well, and understood the situation, and wouldn't sack him just because he loved his wife so hard it made him physically ill to think she might be in some form of danger. He didn't even care if she'd suffered a paper cut. He'd disinfect and bandage the shit out of that, too.

Gods, he was just as bad as her father had been, wasn't he? The very hovery, constantly-looking-over-shoulder person that Dany loathed and grew up with. He tried not to be, and most times he was successful. But he also wasn't typically eight hours away, halfway across the country, either.

He paced the living room, the other line just ringing and ringing with no answer. Her silky voice in the form of her voicemail passed through his ear again, and he sighed heavily. "Dany, I don't know what's goin' on, but you're really freaking me out. I'm sure you'll have my head when you see all the missed calls and messages...but please just let me know you're ok. You can send me the middle finger emoji for all I care. Love you more than anything. Bye."

Thumbing the red "END" button, he chewed on his lip and looked around the mostly-barren room, save for his suitcase which was still packed with his clothes. Tomorrow was the last day he needed to be here before flying back home...how crazy would it be to catch that night's red eye, anyway? And how livid would Dany be that he ditched this huge contract at the tail end?

His heart was made up before he could even try to rationalize it.

"Davos? I'm gonna take off...it's not like her to-," he chuckled nervously, while Davos commanded him to 'say no more and go get your girl'. "Thanks, mate. I'll keep you updated."

He wasn't sure Davos wanted to know any more than whether or not he found Dany safe and sound with all of the sulking he'd been doing the last several days.

Jon gathered up his toiletries from the bathroom in one hand, while his other was busy weaving around the airline website to book the soonest flight. To his relief, there was one in an hour and a half, which would give him just enough time to call for a rideshare and zoom his way over with thirty minutes to spare.

After the typical hell that was the airport and boarding process, plus the hole he burned through his credit card in just two hours alone (beyond worth it), he was in the air. Another torture was the distance; he managed to get himself a nonstop flight and shaved off two hours but still…

Naturally, he refused to sleep. His phone was clutched in his hand so the moment he landed, he could check it to see if he’d gotten any responses.

No luck.

He rushed through baggage and had already scheduled his next rideshare prior to his flight. Now that he was in his homeland and a mere twenty minutes from home, the anxiety and nausea were really setting in, the what-ifs and the endless possibilities; he wouldn’t know what he’d do if she wasn’t at the house…

When they pulled up, he was flooded with relief to see that her car was in the driveway, had he couldn’t have grabbed his luggage and get to the front door fast enough. He rifled for his keys and jammed it into the lock, Ghost’s howls instant and persistent until he got the door open and he whined upon seeing Jon walk through.

“Hey boy,” he greeted quietly, giving him a few good scruffs before haphazardly dumping his stuff on the floor and locking up behind him. He paused and strained his ears, exhaling when he heard the shower running upstairs.

Once he was in the conjoining bedroom, Ghost hot on his heels, he took his time shedding some layers and kicking off his shoes. On the nightstand sat a brown paper bag, folded shut, which was a little odd, but everything appeared to be in normal order. Their regular things skewed about as it was when they were there, Dany’s pajamas laid out on her side of the bed.

As he was going through his drawers to find some pajama pants, the bathroom door opened and he spun on his heel, just to confirm that she was there, safe and in the flesh.

A gust of air gasped into her mouth, her hand flying to her towel-clad chest as she jumped backward. “Seven hells! You scared the life out of me!” She breathed, her cheeks pink from the warm shower and damp hair tumbling about her shoulders. Even just the good-natured joke made him wince; it was the dormant worry that had been on his mind for hours now.

Then, a fond smile came over her face. “You’re home early.”

He was exhausted, and maybe that was why he couldn’t find it in him then to be playful, his brows twisting and her face falling a fraction. “You didn’t answer my texts or calls,” he said as gently as he could, but the fatigue was evident in his tone.

Dany blinked, then crossed her arms over herself, but she was still trying to keep it light. “Missi and I went on an impromptu girls’ vacation after my test and...,” she paused and stepped over to the mysterious paper bag, rustled her hand in it, then withdrew her phone and wiggled it, “dropped it into a pool.”

Jon took a moment to himself to shuck off his jeans and slip into his pajamas. He didn’t want to admit it...didn’t want to give her the ‘w’ word, but they were honest to the bone with one another. It was just how they programmed. He was still a little cowardly, avoiding her eyes when he said it. “I was worried sick about you.”

He heard her huff, and finally lifted his eyes to get a read on her. Clearly she was irritated, but not entirely furious. “There was nothing to worry about, Jon. I was stupid and dropped-”

“Not stupid,” he chided, cutting her a stern look. She was anything but.

Now she rolled her eyes. “It was only a little over a day; I didn’t think it was such a big deal if I just waited until I got home to try and fix it. All the stores were closed by the time I got in. And it was only a little over two days,” she defended.

Slowly, Jon frowned, and it grew deeper by the second. “A lot can happen in a little over two days, Dany,” he stated, tossing his jeans into the hamper in the closet.

“What did you expect had even happened?” She laughed humorlessly, getting more agitated by the second. Then she buried her phone back in the bag, which he now realized was full of rice, and disappeared into the bathroom, returning with her hair brush and began to detangle the damp knots.

He grit his teeth, fists clenching and loosening at his sides. “I don’t know, Dany, but I always get this terrible feeling in my gut after a period of time passes and I don’t hear from you,” his voice rose a hair. “I know you don’t want to hear it, and it’s bloody ridiculous on my end, but it kills me that I can’t turn it off. I worry when you’re at work, when you do a grocery run and I’m not there…,” he huffed and shook his head, running his hands down his face and briefly hiding behind them. He was overwrought with jet lag and lack of sleep and emotions on high, but he’d opened the floodgates now.

“Well, I’m not a fragile piece of glass that needs to be in a bubble day in and day out,” she returned, “or maybe I am, who knows! But I don’t want to be thought of that way. You know that. It makes me feel worse about myself and what I’m capable of and gives me heightened anxiety. I worry when you worry and it’s a vicious cycle!”

Closing his mouth, he forced himself to inhale a lungful of air through his nose, releasing it between his lips. “I do know. But it’s how I’m wired; I can’t help it sometimes.” Dropping his arms to his sides, he sighed. Gods, of course she wasn’t fragile. She was, far and away, the strongest woman, the toughest human being he’d ever had the pleasure of knowing let alone sharing a life with. He made it a point to remind her of that every single day, with all sincerity. She was the best thing that could have ever happened to him, bar none. Some days he wondered how and why he’d gotten so damn lucky, such as now. He was doing the very thing he swore he wouldn’t. Her father had been overbearing enough. And it wasn’t all-consuming always, but sometimes his nerves got the best of him.

Dany’s eyes narrowed. “Did you think I died or something?”

The dagger twisted in his stomach once more. “That’s where the worst of my thoughts went, yes.”

With a hard look and silence, she went back into the bathroom. For a while there was nothing but the sound of her trying to feed her brush through her hair.

“Dany.”

“What?” She asked through her teeth.

Maybe he ought to give her time and space to breathe for a few minutes, but gods, he needed her so, so bad. Just to physically hold her and know she was safe and whole and unhurt, but also that he had made a colossal fuck-up. He’d seen the tears welling in her eyes before she could hide them away, and it broke him. He was a blistering idiot. She had texted him that her test came back normal, and yet here he was with frazzled, totally frayed nerves.

Dany had one too many brushes with death in her young life, and he knew how she felt about that, too.

He crossed the room and stopped at the threshold, discovering that she was having a hell of a time getting the tangles out, and her face was scrunched adorably. Without a word, he reached for the brush and took it from her. A little stubbornly, her arms fell to her sides, defeated. Jon parted her hair in half and twisted it up out of the way while he gently began with the under layers first.

He could feel her eyes burning through him in the mirror. “I’m sorry,” he murmured as he looked her straight in the eyes, his voice thick and gruff.

Wordlessly she spun around and curled her arms around his shoulders, nestling her face into his neck. In return, he secured her against him, nuzzling into her half dried hair and kissing the top of her head several times.

All of the fear seemed to evaporate off of his shoulders having her gathered up in his arms, grounding him, and maybe even herself. They stayed like that for a while before Jon moved them to the bedroom and he had her sit, then crawled up behind her on the bed to finish her hair. Nobody spoke for a time, but it wasn’t a tense silence, at least.

Once he finished, she reached back to squeeze his thigh, then stood to her feet and dropped her towel. Although his body reacted as it always did, it was evident that they both needed a good rest. He scooted to the edge of the bed and after she’d pulled on her silky sleep shorts, he motioned for her to lift her arms, and he slid on the matching top.

Before he could move again, she stepped between his legs and curled her arms around his head, holding him against her abdomen while he, happily, linked his arms around her middle and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, too,” she whispered. Softly, she hushed him when he made a sound to argue. “I wish I didn’t get so defensive. Maybe it’ll get better with time.”

Shifting his head, he planted his chin on her breast bone and peered up at her, while she gazed back down on him and raked her fingers through his hair. “I don’t want you to change, Dany. Not anything, not ever.”

She studied his face for a few beats, her other hand cradling one side before she leaned down to kiss him sweetly. Jon did not consider himself a religious man, but she was the closest thing to heaven that he could conjure up. Rolling back, he took her with him fully onto the bed as she squeaked, and situated them so he could lay beside her. There was barely any part of them that wasn’t touching, their limbs a tangled mess.

“And anyway…,” he smirked slyly, “S’kind of sexy when you put me in my place.”

She quirked one thick eyebrow, her index tracing over his facial features. He was seconds away from completely passing out, the heaviness looming over his eyes. “Is that so?”

“Mhm,” he conceded lazily, sliding his hand under her shirt to smooth over her warm back, her velvety skin a contrast against his worn hands and making her shiver under it. “How was your vacation?”

Dany pulled a face, lifting one shoulder. “Fun, but I bet I missed you more than you missed me.”

“I doubt that very much,” he croaked, blinking slowly now, but fighting it. “Has your boss ever thrown you out of your workplace for moping over your husband?”

“Jon!” She gasped, perfectly affronted and pinching his cheek.

He chuckled sleepily, then buried his face in her chest, kissing at the exposed skin there. “I think it did everyone a favor, honestly. And it was almost completed anyway, so…”

“So, you risked a job you adore and traveled eight hours unplanned, all because my arse was clumsy and let my phone go for a swim?”

“No,” he resurfaced from the warm haven of her skin, tilting his head up to see her properly, “because I love you. And don’t think I wouldn’t do it again,” he frowned in thought as an idea formed, “maybe we should get you one of those old people phones that you can wear like a necklace.”

Dany tossed her head back with a burst of laughter, and Ghost materialized on the bed to see what all the ruckus was about, until he decided he didn’t care anymore and stole Jon’s side of the bed. Jon grinned madly, rolling onto his back. Dany folded her arms over his chest while she caught her breath, her hair a silver curtain around them. “You wouldn’t dare,” she challenged quietly, leaning over to switch off the lamp, then curled herself around him completely, her breath tickling his cheek. “I love you so much,” she whispered, her hand returning to his face to caress.

The dull moonlight filtered in through the window, casting one half of her face in a faint blue. She pulled him closer and he poured all of his words and soul into his kiss, giving her a few small pecks afterwards. “I love you more than anything in this world, Daenerys.”

#jonerys #jonerys drabble #fic prompts #is it really a drabble if its 2700 words?

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kcatta-wodahs · 3 years

Text

Trans, Enby, or anything not Cis MC + OM Demon Bros!

TLDR; they all fuckin love you okay you’re wonderful

Lucifer

It happens right away honestly, as he is your introduction to Devildom

You arrive suddenly in the student council, with no fucking warning, and with a bunch of people who are saying they’re demons. And like yeah okay sorcery obviously exists in your world so we can work with this but

He looks at a file, and states your deadname, and in a fit of bravery or just “i guess im here now” you correct him.

The silence after that is palpable and every negative emotion you’re feeling as you wait shows up on your face.

Lucifer only has a slight frown, looking at the paper, and at you, before it clears.

“Oh. Humans. I understand.” He marks something on the paper, and repeats your name. Your real name.

“Should I assume that the pronouns listed are incorrect as well?”

He calls for a RAD uniform that you’re most comfortable with, while Diavolo gushes over “HUMAN!!!”

Okay, cool, you’re hanging with demons now but at least they respect your pronouns? Guess this is your life. Your next question is whether you’re dead lol

So he knows the whole time, but it doesn’t change a thing! He loves you the same.

When you’re closer, he is very to-the-point about caring for you when you’re feeling dysphoric.

He offers you tips, makes sure you maintain your voice training even if you’re embarrassed about it, and always pushes you to express yourself how you want.

Hell maybe they use that princely riches to get you whatever surgeries you might want!

And he will *very clearly* show you how much he likes your body, however it is.

After all, by the end of the game you belong to him, don’t you?

Mammon

When he's first assigned to be your guardian or whatever in Devildom, he didn't get the memo.

Didn't read the paperwork, cause he's just like me and puts off homework for way too long.

So he doesn't know these pronouns of yours that Lucifer has fixed in the documentation.

Which means, unfortunately, you have to correct him when he first speaks to Levi about you.

What's funny about it is that he'll complain about LITERALLY EVERYTHING having to do with you and you being a human and UGH he has to take care of a FRAGILE HUMAN

But when you correct the pronouns he doesn't even fucking blink.

You don't even explain.

You just say the correct pronoun after he messes up, and then he repeats you and *continues complaining about you* but this time in the correct pronouns.

This is the first moment out of a million of "hidden endearing things about Mammon" that you will come to learn.

Later, when you're closer, he will always be there to stand up for you and put up a fight if anyone wants to give you shit.

He will defend you to the end of time.

And he adores you. If he -- The Great Mammon -- adores you, then you must be perfect. So you can tell your stupid human brain to stuff it with the negative talk.

Leviathan

This one is written as AFAB

When you deny wearing the Ruri-chan dress for him, he's sad.

He KNEW you thought he was weird… and his thing for Ruri-chan was weird… and weirddmmm

So, you hesitantly tell him that… no, truly its not because of Ruri-chan

You just.. feel so sick when wearing dresses.

Something in you physically hurts, and you feel so *wrong* when in a situation where you're supposed to act "girly".

And you tell him that you don't really identify as female. You try to avoid that image whenever you can.

Levi is so touched that you would tell him and be honest with him.

He hugs you tightly and then turns beet red.

"D-Does that mean that you m-might.. kabedon… as Henry….?"

Cause he has that costume too and has never told anyone that he def would be seduced by his TSL hero.

You can get behind that one, and seeing how flustered he gets around you being yourself (through Henry?) has your confidence skyrocketing

This makes way to you flirting with ya boi 100% more often to see his adorable face.

Beelzebub

You go with him to work out, which is nothing really new, but this time he's looking at doing endurance training

...by swimming.

You have no idea what to do.

He didn't think twice about it, either. He didn't assume there would be any problem at all.

But for some reason your brain decided that his helpful and loving attitude wouldn't extend to this? Brains are silly when scared.

You try not to tear up when he questions why you've frozen in the doorway when he told you his plan.

You have no reason to be ashamed, or fearful, but the suddenness of the moment overwhelms you.

"I can't wear a swimsuit," is what comes out.

He pauses and then just looked vastly confused. He thought humans could swim..? Anyone could wear a swimsuit. You were wearing clothes right? What's the difference?

You wrap your arms around yourself, tryiing to soothe your nerves. "It's.. It shows too much.."

Then he looks you over, causing you to blush further, and he tips his head. "But you look nice."

Well if you weren't blushing before, now you definitely were. But it's not that. You hold your breath.

You try to explain without actually saying it, almost as if the word transgender has been blocked from your internal vocabulary.

But this babe just insists that you look great no matter what. Is it scars? Like everyone here has scars, it's okay. Weird toes? You should see Belphie's. There's a reason he wears socks all the time.

That almost makes you giggle, and you use that courage to say that you're trans.

He pauses for just a seond to blink. "Oh... nobody cares about that here."

He pulls you into a hug while you struggle for words. He tells you that you don't have to go swimming if you don't want to.

But he makes sure you know that he thinks you're wonderful. You're strong and brave and amazing. He will fight anyone who makes you feel differently.

Asmodeus

This one is AMAB

It’s seeing Asmo be unequivocally himself that gives you the courage to do it.

You haven’t even told your human friends yet. Your human family.

You’ve known for ages, but..

Seeing Asmo flounce over to you wearing the most STUNNING evening dress has you weak at the knees, for reasons other than he assumes.

He assumes that you’re wildly in love as you duck your head and try to mumble something through your shaking breaths, and of course, who wouldn’t be?

But when he coaxes you to speak up for him, delight of a whole different kind lights up in his expression.

“Could you… make me as pretty as you?”

Oh, darling, he wouldn’t even need to try.

He dolls you up, hosting a lovely makeover session in his room. What he doesn’t expect is for you to start crying when you look at yourself in the mirror.

Asmo’s unshakeable confidence is shaken. He rushes over to you, trying to brush away tears and learning what’s wrong.

That’s when you tell him what you’d been hiding for so long.

The adoration in his eyes catches you off guard, and he takes your hands lovingly. “Oh, honey..” he mumbles, affectionate and sweet instead of seductive. “What’s your name?”

He takes you out shopping the next day, and is always ready to help you be yourself.

He makes the switch almost instantly, and calls you the prettiest thing he’s ever seen even when you’re just waking up in the morning and kind of feel like a toad.

(You blame him for those mornings, though, since he’s the one working so hard to *thoroughly* exhaust you the night before.)

Satan

This one is AFAB

You and Satan have begun meeting rather often for tea.

It’s even gotten to the point where you’re both perfectly happy to sit in silence around each other. You’ve never been more comfortable.

But today, chaos reigns, and it has decided to make you clumsy today. Not even like, oh “that’s reasonable” clumsy.

No, you were enthralled in your fucking book, and you MISSED.

Tea, all down your chin and neck, and you hear a snort of derision.

Satan is looking at you, very clearly amused. “Very graceful.”

You huff and puff out your cheeks at him to prevent from blushing. “Shut up. Do you have a towel?”

Looking no less amused, he just pulls a new shirt from the dresser behind him and offers it to you.

You guys are chill. Good friends. Like. You don’t want to get up to go find a bathroom to change in. Your book is good and like Satan’s not about to be a creep, so you ask if it’s cool if you just change there, and he shrugs in response.

So, you swap shirts quickly, but when you’re dry he’s looking at you curiously.

“You have battle scars.”

You realize that you’d never told him. About your past, or your surgery, and you suddenly feel very self-conscious.

“It’s- .. Not exactly,” you fumble out, realizing that now, instead of finishing your amazing book, you have to deal with *coming out?* Ughhhhhh. “They’re from a surgery.”

Satan’s eyes don’t leave you. “I’ve read enough about the human world to know what they are,” he said, then he nods to himself. “I didn’t know you’d had such a fight.”

You are either very, very impressed or very, very confused and you really don’t know which to lean towards just yet.

“I’ve never been in a battle, Satan.”

“You fought to become yourself,” he answered, a small smile tracing his lips. “You never cease to impress me.”

Belphegor

The best part about becoming best friends with Belphie is the snuggle naps. It's the sweetest, calmest thing.

He is a little confused about why you insist on hugging a pillow when you nap with him, though.

He admits, its adorable. When he's big spoon he loves looking at you as you snuggle the big fluffy pillow.

When he wants to face you, though, he wants to be closer, he doesn't really understand it. He doesn't want to make you uncomfortable but also.. why?

Eventually, he tries to get answers out of you by teasing you about getting closer *intimately*.

He does expect the blush.

He doesn't expect the look of despair that you hide from him.

He's stunned for a moment before demanding to know why the hell you would look so sad about that.

You try to shake it off, but Belphie's nothing if not persistent and annoying when he wants to be.

He learns that you have been trying really hard for months now to hide your body from him. To keep your personal info private, even while snuggling.

You didn't know how he would take it, after all.

What if he got something he wasn't expecting?

Honestly, Belphie sulks after hearing this. He flicks your forehead and glares at you for doubting him.

But he looks you dead in the eyes and reminds you that you could never convince him you were anything less than perfect.

If you expected him to be disappointed by whatever you hid during snuggles, he would never be. You would never be a disappointment to him.

Your next nap together doesn't feature the pillow between you, which makes your heart feel fit to burst while he snuggles you closer.

#hhhhh i posted this to the wrong blog at firsttttt #it took me fucking forever to finish this agh #it was so hard to come up with prompts that were unique and fun while not embarassing in any way #or well #not like bad bad embarassing?#i headcanon that all of them are some form of gender fluid or nonbinary anyway so like the demon bros just love you okay #bast babbles #my writing #obey me headcanons #obey me #obey me!#obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me beelzebub #obey me asmodeus #obey me satan #obey me belphegor

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rosesandfandoms · 3 years

Text

MidCin: He spends time with your child.

Louis:

When Y/n first got pregnant, she and her husband decided, that although they have maids, they want to take care of their child.

So when Y/n had to attend matters in town, Louis was left to take care of their son Lucas, who had just gotten faster on his feet and started talking.

“Dada, come” Lucas giggled as he ran in the palace halls as fast as his little legs could carry him.

However, his father was much faster than him. Louis sighed as he picked up his son, kissing the top of his head.

“Where?” Louis asked.

“Oudsite” Lucas said pointing out the window.

“Outside, buddy,” Louis pronounced, “but you’re getting there.”

Louis took his son out to the garden and would chase the giggling child.

“Flower, mama.” Lucas pointed at the roses.

“You want to pick flowers for mama?” Louis smiled when Lucas nodded, “okay buddy, let’s pick some roses for mama.”

When Y/n got to the palace around lunchtime, she saw her husband and son at the entrance, Lucas in his father’s arms, holding a bouquet of roses in his little hands.

“Mama!” Lucas squealed when he saw his mom, Louis sat him down, which resulted in the toddler running to Y/n

Y/n picked him up and kissed his cheek, “Did you have a fun day with Daddy?”

Lucas nodded and put the roses in his mother’s face.

“He wanted to pick them for you.” Louis smiled as he made his way to his wife and child.

During lunch, Y/n listened to Lucas blabber what he and his father did while she was gone.

Louis smiled, though the morning was mostly spent chasing the toddler around the palace, he wouldn’t change any of it for the world.

Sid:

Based on Sid’s sugar ending.

Sid’s whole life changed when he fell in love with Y/n, after all, he left everything behind to be with her. But Sid didn’t mind, he didn’t like the aristocracy life anyway.

When Y/n told him that she was pregnant, Sid was more than happy. And throughout the pregnancy, he made sure everything was ready, he worked so hard that he started to stress himself out.

Even more so when Y/n went into labor. Sid was in a daze, while he held Y/n’s hand, he felt like it was just a dream.

But then he heard his little girl’s cry as she finally entered the world. That’s when reality hit him. This was real. His family was real. And he couldn’t be happier.

When the midwife laid the baby girl on Y/n’s chest, Sid vowed that he would never forget that sight. His wife holding their baby for the first time. His whole world was in that room, both his wife and his daughter.

Sid and Y/n decided on the name, Chloe.

After the skin to skin moment between mother and child, Sid got to hold the baby. He wasn’t so sure at first, afraid to hurt her, but after reassurance from Y/n, Sid gently held onto his daughter.

She felt so small and fragile in his arms. He couldn’t believe that this little bundle of joy was his. He smiled down at Chloe, then held the same smile as he looked over at his wife, who shared the same smile as she watched her husband hold their baby.

Sid noticed how tired she looked. “Get some sleep, I’ll watch over her.”

“Okay, but if you get tired, put her in her crib and sleep too.” Y/n yawned.

“I will, honey,” Sid replied, “thank you for this life we share, and for our beautiful baby. I love ya.”

“I love you too.” Y/n smiled before falling asleep.

As Y/n slept, Sid rocked their baby girl back and forth. A smile on his face, even tears in his deep blue eyes.

“I promise I will always protect you and your mom. I promise to give you the best life. I love ya, Chloe.”

A few minutes later, Chloe started to whimper a little. “Shhh, it’s okay, darlin’, daddy’s got ya. Want to look out the window?”

“See those little glow things in the sky, those are stars.” Sid pointed out “and there’s the moon, that’s what night looks like, and during the day, the sky is blue, there are white fluffy clouds, your mom says clouds remind her of cotton candy, you’re still too young for that, but when you’re older I’ll get you some.”

After a few more minutes, Sid decided it was time to get some sleep before Chloe would decide to wake up again.

Once he laid down next to his wife and wrapped an arm around her, Sid look at the crib by their bed and smiled before falling asleep.

Leo:

Based on his sugar ending.

Leo woke up early and made his way to Sophie’s crib, seeing that the one-year-old was awake.

“We have to be quiet mommy is still sleeping.” Leo shushed his daughter, who grinned up at him.

Very quietly, he carried Sophie to the living room. And sat her on his lap.

“Okay, I’m going to teach you a word,” Leo said in a small voice, “say, da-da.”

“Da-da,” Leo turned his head to the squawk in the corner of the living room.

“Not you Sebastian.” Leo groaned before looking back down at his daughter.

“Say it. Baby,” Leo laughed, “da-da.”

“Ma-ma,” Sophie spoke.

Her first word.

Leo didn’t care that she didn’t say Dada, he was just happy she spoke her first word.

“That’s my girl,” Leo cheered.

“First word,” Sebastian squawked.

Leo danced with his daughter around the room.

“This time say,” Leo grinned, “da-da.”

“Ma-ma,” said Sophie.

“Ha, Leo.” Sebastian fluttered in his cage.

“I’m dada,” Leo tickled his baby, “mama is sleeping.”

Then Leo came up with an idea.

“Say mama,” Leo smiled.

“Mama,” Sophie smiled back.

Leo sighed, “we’ll try again later, but now we should let your mommy know you said your first word.”

Though Sophie didn’t say da-da, Leo was proud either way.

He would get her to say it soon anyway

However, Sophie’s second word was Bastion, meaning to say Sebastian.

Leo groaned when he heard it.

Rayvis:

When Y/n first got pregnant, she and her husband decided, that although they have maids, they want to care for their child.

Rayvis had finished his work early so that he could spend some time with his family.

However, Y/n had got held up with some work, so it would just be him and their daughter Anna for a couple of hours.

Rayvis went to the library where Anna was having a lesson with Giles about French.

"How is she doing?" Rayvis asked.

"Splendid." Giles explained, "even better than me when I was her age, soon she'll be speaking sentences.

"Great job, honey." Rayvis ruffled his daughter's hair.

"You've come just on time too, here lessons are done for the day." Giles grinned before he bowed and left the room.

"Can we go play with Rook in the garden?" Anna asked,

"Yes we can, he'll love that." Rayvis smiled gently, "your mother got caught up in some work, but she'll be done in a couple of hours, then we all can do something together."

"That's okay." the younger girl smiled.

Rayvis was already laying in the garden when the daughter and father got out there.

The wolf mix wagged his tail happily. And ran up to Anna, licking her face.

"Sit boy." Anna giggled "I got your favorite ball."

Together, Rayvis and Anna ran around in the garden, with Rook chasing after them, howling with fun

"I'll distract him, you go hide and we'll try to find you." Rayvis smiled.

While Rayvis had Rook distracted, Anna ran to find a place to hide.

She decided the castle would be best. Trying to think of a place, Anna ran to her mom's study and hid under the desk, confusing Y/n.

Anna told her that she is hiding from her father and the wolf mix.

Y/n decided the best way to hide where her daughter was, was to continue reading the documents.

Sometime later, Y/n's study door opened, revealing her husband and Rook.

"Have you seen Anna?" Rayvis asked.

"Not since lunch." Y/n kept her eyes on the paper.

"Really?" Rayvis smirked.

"Yeah," Y/n continued to read.

"Then why is Rook sniffing around your desk?"

"I snuck snacks earlier," Y/n remarked like it should be a fact.

"Get her Rook." Rayvis walked over to the desk.

Rook put his head under the desk and started to like Anna's face.

Rayvis smirked at his wife when he heard their daughter's giggles.

"Oh, when did she get under there?" Y/n looked confused.

"This makes me scared of when she gets interested in boys." Rayvis sighed.

Anna giggled. Which made Rayvis and Y/n look at each other.

"I hope she doesn't sneak out," Rayvis whispered.

"Like mother, like daughter," Y/n whispered back.

Rayvis smiled. He was taken back to when he and Y/n met, a lot has changed since he caught her from falling down the stairs, but he wouldn't change it for the world. He had gotten a beautiful wife and daughter out of it.

Byron:

When Y/n first got pregnant, she and her husband decided, that although they have maids, they want to care for their child.

Byron was in his study about to go to join Y/n in their shared room, it was a busy day and the King of Stein wanted nothing more than to sleep with Y/n in his arms.

The door opened, drawing his attention. That's when he saw Emma slowly walking in, holding a book in one hand, and itching her eye in the other.

"I thought you were in bed? Are you okay?" Byron asked his daughter.

Emma nodded as she crawled up into her father's lap, resting her cheek against his chest, "can't sleep, can you read to me?"

Though he was really tired, Byron couldn't turn down those puppy eyes that match her mother's.

Byron smiled fondly when he opened the picture book, it was the story about the girl and wolf.

It was Emma's favorite like it was Y/n.

Byron started to read the book as Emma got comfortable. He was also fighting to stay awake.

He knew that ever since Y/n got pregnant with their second child, Emma started to feel that once the baby was here, she would be left out. So he wanted to make Emma know that she doesn't have to be afraid of that happening.

"I also had a nightmare, can I sleep with you can mommy?" Emma asked after a few more minutes.

"Yeah, you can." Byron patted her head, "do you want to talk about it?"

"There's a monster under my bed." Emma furrowed her eyebrows.

"There's no monster, honey," Byron spoke softly.

"Are you sure?" Emma asked hesitantly

"Of course! Even if there were monsters, I have a whole army of knights ready to protect you. And mommy and I would protect you too."

Emma nodded and Byron resumed reading. After a few more pages, Byron noticed that his daughter fell asleep,

He gently picked the little girl up in his arms and carried her to his and Y/n's room.

He laid her down between him and Y/n, who was already asleep, a hand on her growing baby bump.

Byron grinned, thankful for his family, he kissed the top of his wife and daughter's heads, and then placed his hand on Y/n's baby bump before falling into a peaceful, much-needed sleep.

Alyn:

Based on the sugar end, I don't know all of it, so I'm taking a guess.

It has been a couple of years since Alyn and Y/n ran away together, going as far from Wysteria as possible, getting married, and soon after bringing their son Liam into the world.

It was Y/n's birthday, so Alyn got up early, as did Liam. The little boy wanted to do something special, so he and Alyn decided to make breakfast in bed.

"We have to be quiet okay?" Alyn told his son as he helped him up on the chair so Liam could see over the counter.

"Can I help mix?" Liam asked.

"Of course little man." Alyn handed the wooden spoon over to his son.

Alyn would hold the bowl and Liam would mix, letting him know to mix a little harder and faster.

"I hope mom likes it," Liam spoke as he watched his dad put the batter into the pan.

"She will, especially if she knows you made it," Alyn reassured the little boy who resembled his mother.

"I drew her a picture too," Liam smiled.

"She will love it, she loves your drawings," Alyn ruffled Liam's hair "you can give it to mom when we give her the breakfast."

After the food was made, Liam followed his dad to his parent's room.

Liam jumped on the bed and put his arms around Y/n, "Mom, wake up, it's your birthday!"

Y/n slowly opened her eyes before stretching.

"Good morning baby," Y/n kissed the top of Liam's head.

She smiled when she saw her husband leaning against the doorframe, holding the tray of food. Alyn smiled back and walked over to her and sitting the tray on her lap.

"Happy Birthday, my love."

As the family ate their breakfast in bed, Alyn watched over them, smiling, he and Y/n went through a lot, but he wouldn't change the life he had now for anything.

Nico:

When Y/n first got pregnant, she and her husband decided, that although they have maids, they want to care for their child.

Nico sat in his daughter's room as she put a hat on top of his head. He smiled as Grace sat up the little table with her stuffed animals that her uncle King Byron gifted her on his recent visit.

Earlier, while Nico was finishing up work, Grace had gone up to her father, asking him if he could play tea party with her. Nico immediately agreed.

So there he sat, dressed as a pretty princess, just to make his little girl happy.

"Your tea," Grace did a little bow before pouring a little tea in her father's teacup. Nico noticed her face twist in pain.

"What happened?" He asked alarmed.

"Teapot is still hot." Grace whimpered as she held her hand.

"Let me see." Nico gently grabbed her hand to examine it, "aww baby, let's go run it under cold water."

Nico would carry the little girl to her connected bathroom and put her hand under cold water.

"It hurts." Grace cried.

Nico would hold her close, whispering reassurance in her ear, "It's okay, when I use to pour tea for your mom, I would do the same."

Once Grace's hand felt better, Nico would carry her pack to their little tea party and would pour the rest of the tea.

He could sense Grace was still upset so he would try to do silly things to make her laugh.

After Grace didn't feel any more pain, she was more lively. More so that she wanted to play princess fairy pirates.

Though that meant dressing up more, Nico didn't mind, even if it meant he had to wear fairy wings.

Nico would do anything to see his daughter happy, even if it meant playing princess fairy pirates and having a tea party with stuffed animals.

Albert:

When Y/n first got pregnant, she and her husband decided, that although they have maids, they want to care for their child.

Albert had woken up early, Y/n still asleep by him.

Last night, Albert had promised his son that he would teach him how to be like a knight.

Y/n said as long as they practice with wooden swords.

Albert kissed the top of Y/n's head before climbing out of bed and getting dressed.

Finn was already outside waiting with the wooden swords that Alyn had laid out for them the night before.

"Okay, you hold a sword like this," Albert showed, "it helps it move easily while you still have control over it."

"Like this?" Finn asked trying to mimic his dad.

"Yes, very good." Albert approved, "now you stand like this. It helps you keep balance, helps you stay standing and strong."

Albert walked around Finn, giving him pointers on his posture.

As Albert taught Finn how to fight, he also taught him the rules of a knight.

"Good job, buddy." Albert praised, "you're a natural."

Albert let Finn practice on him.

He took it easy on the young boy.

Albert could help but smile, he was so proud of his strong, determined son.

After a playful fight, they fell to the ground laughing.

"You did amazing for your first day." Albert ruffled his son's hair as they walked to the dining room.

"Thanks Dad," Finn smiled, "I want to be just like you when I'm older."

During breakfast, Finn told Y/n all about the morning with his dad.

Y/n agreed on her husband and son showing her later.

She cheered Finn on the whole time.

Wanting his son to be happy, Albert faked a fall, letting Finn win.

"Pretty soon you'll be better than me," Albert told his son.

While Y/n wasn't paying attention, Albert nudged Finn's shoulder and leaned down to whisper, "want to go sneak attack Nico?"

Finn nodded and Albert couldn't be more proud.

Giles:

When Y/n first got pregnant, she and her husband decided, that although they have maids, they want to care for their child.

When Y/n told Giles that she was pregnant, he was beyond happy.

Even more so when he heard the cries of a healthy baby girl.

Got confused Y/n confessed to feeling the need to push more.

Then it hit him.

They're having twins.

It was another healthy baby girl.

As they got older, they shared their father's love for cats.

So one day, while Giles and Y/n were in town for business, they took Lilly and Lara with them.

Y/n had a meeting to go to while in town, so the twins stayed with their father.

The three of them walked around town, talking to the townspeople and looking at all the different shops.

The five years old twins, saw someone selling kittens.

Both of them turned to stare up at their father.

With puppy eyes.

Giles lost.

He bought the girls the kittens, who happened to also be twins.

Giles knew Y/n wouldn't mind since they were talking about kitting the girls a pet, to help give them responsibilities.

While Giles carried the box with the kittens, he taught his daughters what the cats would need.

Later that night, Giles on the floor in the library with the girls around him, playing with the kittens.

Michelangelo was jealous, so he went and sat on Y/n's lap, who was readying a book, watching her small family have fun.

"Okay, girls," Giles explained smiling at them, "in a little bit, during dinner, we need to let them get used to the palace."

During dinner, Giles would tell the girls facts about cats.

Robert:

Robert thought that Peter was finally old enough to hold a paintbrush.

So while he had some free time, Robert took his son to his paint room.

The child was amazed by all the colors in the room.

"Mom?" He pointed at a painting Robert did of Y/n sometime after he and got engaged.

"Yeah, that's your mommy." Robert smiled.

Robert sat Peter on his lap in front of the easel that held a black canvas.

Robert picked up a brush and dipped the tip into some paint.

He did a little line on the canvas, showing Peter how to use it.

Peter made grabby hands with his chubby little hands, giggling with amazement.

Robert handed the boy the brush and moved Peter's hand to the paint.

"And now you move it across the canvas," Robert explained, "we'll do it like this for now and when you get older I'll teach you more about painting."

Robert watched with pride as his son had the time of his life decorating with all kinds of different colors.

"When this is done drying, do you want to give it to mom?" Robert asked.

"Yeah," Peter spoke before rubbing his hands all over the still wet canvas, smearing paint all over it.

Robert's eyes widened, but his lips turned into a smile, once he heard Peter's giggles.

"Well, that's one way to do it." Robert snickered.

Robert let Peter paint until he was done.

"Good job, buddy." Robert praised as he kissed the top of his son's head.

From that moment, on Robert loved teaching his son how to paint.

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themadlostgirl · 3 years

Text

When It’s Cold (2)

*Horny teens are horny. Mild smut mentions ahead.*

~~~

I laid in bed watching the lightning flash outside my windows as thunder shook the room and rain poured down. As a child a storm like this would have had me hiding under my covers. Tonight though I watched the storm, every inch of my body on alert with every crack of lightning and thunder. The doors to my room burst open with a roll of thunder. A shadowed figured stood in the hallway. My heart hammered fast as I tried to see through the darkness at my intruder. A flash of lightning illuminated the once dark room and I recognized the jagged line down my visitor’s face.

“Felix?” I sat up straighter. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to make sure you weren’t scared.” He prowled closer, a wicked grin on his face as he got to the foot of my bed. “You always were so scared of storms.”

“I was…” I murmured. He was dressed only in a pair of pants. That same chiseled torso I had gawked at earlier on full display.

He crawled onto the bed until he was hovering over me. “Do you want me to stay?” His voice purred in my ear, “I can keep you warm if it gets cold.”

“Yes please,” I let the robe around me fall from my shoulders leaving me exposed. “Keep me warm, Felix.”

“Gladly.” He swooped down upon me.

~~~

I woke with a start. My body was wound up tight and I was tangled in the blankets on my bed. I gazed around me confused before the previous day’s events caught up to me. It felt like a dream that Felix and I had found this mansion last night.

Felix…

The real dream came back to me with stark detail. What had that been all about? I’ve never had a dream like that before. I never have dreams in the first place. Even when I do they’re nothing like that and most certainly do not feature Felix. Yet he had been the epicenter.

Half naked with a devilish grin looking down at my own nude body. I had wanted him to--to--

I buried my face in my pillow. This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t gone to his room last night and saw him coming out of the bathroom. Why did I have to see that? Now I was having borderline erotic dreams about him. Oh screw borderline! I knew exactly what I had been hoping to happen and the aching between my legs only solidified it.

It’s not like I never found Felix ugly or anything. He was pleasant to look at. I dare say at times he was handsome but I never dwelled on it. Maybe a stray intrusive thought or two but they never went so far as my dream had. I couldn’t stop picturing it. Felix and I in bed, his large hands on my body, his lips caressing my skin…

I pressed my legs together as the image took root in my head. Maybe I deserve to indulge a little. For right now there is nothing to worry about. Besides, it’s not like Felix will ever know. My hand dipped between my legs as I let myself fall back into the dream. My body was extra sensitive since I hadn’t been able to indulge in this particular past time since Neverland. Not that I got to do it a whole lot there either. I swear there is absolutely no privacy on that island.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

And none here either it seems.

With a small whine I swung out of bed and pulled my robe in tight. I opened the door and Felix was waiting on the other side already dressed. Could it be considered poetic irony that the boy I had just a moment ago been masturbating to interrupted said masturbation?

“Did you just wake up?” Felix looked me up and down.

“Kinda. I figured I was allowed to sleep in. What do you want?” I stepped back and started collecting my clothes from the floor.

“Get dressed. I discovered something you’re gonna wanna see.”

“Can’t you just tell me?”

“No. Now hurry up.” He closed the door and left.

With a sigh a pulled my clothes back on and followed Felix up a set of stairs to a hallway that led to a dead end. “This is what you wanted to show me? A wall with a picture on it?”

“Watch this,” He pulled the light fixture next to the painting and suddenly the wall came loose and rotated opening up a passageway into a whole new room.

“This place has secret rooms now. Very cool.” I stepped inside. “A library?” I looked at the books but there were no names on the spines. I pulled one off and flipped through it but all the pages were blank. “I will say I wasn’t expecting this.”

“Oh but it gets better.” Felix went over to the desk at the end of the room and pulled open the drawer. There was a button inside. He pressed it and a section of the floor popped up. I knelt down and opened the hatch and my eyes went wide. It was a safe!

I turned the latch and nearly cried at what I saw. Money. Just stacks and stacks of money! One less thing to worry about. We wouldn’t need to scrape by or get jobs. This safe could keep us comfortable for months! Years even!

“How did you find this?” I asked Felix.

“I like puzzles and I like to snoop.” He grinned pulling out a stack of hundreds. The band around it said ten thousand. Ten thousand dollars and there were easily a hundred or more just like it from what I could tell from the naked eye. We have someplace warm to sleep and we have money for food.

I started sniffling and I could sense Felix watching me befuddled. “Sorry, I just--” I took a deep breath and wiped the tears from my eyes, “We’re going to survive the winter. We don’t have to be hungry or cold again.”

“I know,” Felix pulled a few hundreds from the stack and dropped the rest back in the safe. “Now how about we go do that grocery shopping you were so insistent on?”

“Yes!” I hopped to my feet. We put everything back in place and left the room. I found a pad of paper and started making a list of everything we would need. Unlike Felix who had spent so much time on Neverland that he couldn’t remember who he had been before being a Lost Boy , I did remember who I was. I remembered the responsibilities I had before Neverland. What was needed when I was made to go to market. The grocery store wasn’t like the open air markets I was used to but it was still the same general concept.

Felix and I got weird looks as we entered the store and I took one of the trollies. My first stop was to grab some toiletries. Toilet paper, shampoo, body wash, loofah, deodorant, toothbrushes, toothpaste, floss, and even a set of razors in case Felix wanted to shave. Next we grabbed laundry detergent, dish soap, paper towels, spray cleaner, trash bags, aluminum, and hangers. We would need to go to a different store for clothes. Lastly, food. Now, being the designated responsible person out of the two of us I know we couldn’t just indulge in the sweets and other delicious yet not necessarily healthy food for us.

I sped up and down the aisles with Felix trailing after me as I dumped stuff into the trolley. Chicken, beef, bacon, vegetables, fruits, a ten pound bag of potatoes, bread, milk, two dozen eggs, pasta, rice, butter, flour, sugar, brown sugar, baking powder, baking soda, vanilla, yeast (it’s been forever since I baked anything but I figured I could give it a try), orange juice, apple juice, cheese, canola oil, olive oil, and spices. Then came on the things I knew less about, peanut butter, chocolate chips, gummy candies, dressings, chips, ice cream, instant brownie mix, pizza rolls (they sounded good), cans of soup, yogurt, pancake/waffle mix, whipped cream, cereal, granola bars, pretzels, and tea bags.

Our trolley was overflowing with items as we wheeled our way over to the register. The man bagging our items looked at us strangely as we started unloading our groceries onto the counter. Several minutes and a trolley full of groceries later we were given our grand total. I was scared that we wouldn’t have enough but thankfully we did. We left the store and looked at our haul.

“Hey, Felix,” I paused as we were halfway through the parking lot, “How are we gonna get all this back to the mansion?”

“We steal the cart.” He said it like it was obvious. “Who is gonna stop us?”

“True.” We started out trip back to the mansion and pushed the trolley into the house. We spent the next several minute cramming things into cabinets and the icebox. I pushed the trolley back outside and went to put my toiletries away while Felix took the laundry items down to the basement. I would also need to learn how to use the electronic washers they had here if I wanted clean clothes.

Speaking of clean clothes, “Felix!” I shouted down the steps, “We’re not done yet today. We need to go clothes shopping.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t bring any extra sets of clothes with me when we left Neverland and I’m sick of wearing these dirty rags. Now get a move on!”

Felix came upstairs with a scowl. “Don’t pout. Even if we kept these clothes clean they stand out too much. I think it’s part of the reason everyone glares at us. We’ll arise less suspicion if we blend in. Especially since our mission is to find a way out of here and back to Neverland.”

“Fine.” Felix grumbled. He counted the remaining money in his pocket. “Let me grab a few more bills from the library just to be safe.”

My stomach grumbled and I decided to grab a granola bar to settle my stomach while I waited for Felix. This house was so strange. They didn’t have any dish soap but they had pots and pans. No shampoo but they had combs. Not a lick of food but a cabinet dedicated to what looked like a very fragile table set.

Felix came back a few hundred dollars richer and we made our way back into town for the second time that day. The clothes store was emptier than the grocery store which put me more at ease. Felix and I went our separate ways as I perused around the racks and racks of clothing. I grabbed a few shirts, pajamas, sweatshirts, sweat pants, underwear, socks, gloves, a scarf, hat, a thick jacket, a new pair of boots, and a large messenger bag. When I went to try on some pants though I was thoroughly disappointed. They fit fine but the pockets on them were tiny! I could barely get my hand in them. Was this what pants were like here? Why?!

I went over to the men’s section and found Felix also trying on some new clothes. It was a simple black t-shirt and a pair of dark denim jeans but it looked really good on him. He almost looked less foreboding. Maybe that was just due to the fact that he didn’t have his cloak hood up like usual.

“You look mad,” Felix chuckled upon seeing me stomp up to him.

“I am! Look at this.” I squeezed a few of my fingers into my jeans pocket. “These pants have absolutely no room! Are yours like this as well?”

“Mine?” he stuck his entire hand in his pocket up to the middle of his forearm. “Nope.”

“What the hell?” I stuck my hand in his other pocket. These were so much roomier than mine! “Why are these better than the ones in my section?”

“I don’t know,” Felix pulled my hand out of his pocket, his face was red with anger again and he wouldn’t look me in the eye, “You can stop invading my personal space though.”

“Oops, sorry.” I snatched my hand back to my chest. What had I been thinking? I essentially stuck my hand down his pants and for what? Because I was jealous of the size of his pockets? I grabbed a few pants from his section that looked to be my size and raced back to the dressing rooms in my section. These fit just as well as the ones I was wearing now but the pockets were much roomier so I chucked the others away and got the men’s pants.

Felix met me at the registers when he was done browsing. He still wasn’t looking at me. I think I made things between us really uncomfortable. We paid for the clothes but had no trolley this time so had to carry everything in large bags back to the mansion. After we got back Felix disappeared into his room. I changed into a pair of the comfy new clothes I bought and went downstairs to make myself something to eat.

I heated a can of soup up and sat down to eat. I wasn’t in the mood to be so adventurous as to make a full blown meal. Now that we had all the essentials Felix and I could start our search for a way back to Neverland in earnest.

I didn’t see Felix for the rest of the night. Figures he wouldn’t want to be around me after we spent all day together. I drew myself another hot bath and this time was able to actually wash myself with the soap and shampoo we had bought. I felt truly clean for the first time in a long time as I slid on the pajamas I bought and crawled back into bed.

Rain pattered outside and I was reminded of my dream from this morning. A part of me dreading and hoping that I would have another just like it.

~~~

Fucking hell! You were killing him! You had to be trying to kill him! That’s what Felix concluded as he locked himself in the master bedroom of the mansion.

Ever since Felix had let himself be talked into going to Storybrooke with you he had been forced by your side. You were the only Lost One in Storybrooke still loyal to Pan when all the others had run off to find families for themselves. He told himself he was tagging along instead of staying in Neverland to enact revenge on those that murdered Pan but that was only half of the story.

He should have never followed you though. Revenge aside. It hadn’t worked out anyway. Even after he learned that Pan was still alive, albeit in someone else’s body, it wasn’t enough. Pan died anyway before he got to enact the curse that would have turned this worthless town into a new Neverland. Now everyone was happy and safe and you and Felix were both very much stranded.

Finding this mansion had been a sweet turn of luck. He knew you were right when you mentioned needing a better place to stay over winter. Felix didn’t like the cold either but he could tolerate it better than you. Every night since you two got here you would shiver the night away at your camp. The night before it had been so cold that even Felix was cursing the wind. While he shivered though he glanced across the fire pit at you. You were huddled in so tight to yourself. Teeth chattering and body convulsing.

He was glad that you didn’t make any mention of him giving you his cloak as an extra form of warmth that night. He didn’t want to try explaining why he had done it. Terrible complicated feelings that he refused to acknowledge. He pushed them down hard, stomped them into dust so they could never rear their ugly head again.

Then he had gotten out of the bath. Truly clean for the first time in years he had left the bathroom and all those complicated feelings from before shot to the surface at the scene laid out before him. You knelt on the ground with only a towel barely covering you. Your wet hair leaving drops of water rolling down your shoulders and back.

His jaw clenched and he fumbled to maintain some composure as you explained what you were doing practically naked in his room. He had found the robe in the master bathroom and was planning on wearing it to bed himself but when he caught sight of you he was only too happy to chuck it into your arms. He needed you to cover up. He needed you clothed and out of his room that instant!

He was far from relaxed after you had left that night. The sight of you knelt over, the towel just barely covering your ass was burned into his brain. He ignored the stirring under his towel and dove into the large bed. He tossed and turned most of the night trying to rid the image and the thoughts he was having. His mind betrayed him though as it brought him much more vivid fantasies of you on his bed wearing nothing at all and beckoning him to take you.

He woke soon after breathing hard and his hand around his cock. Felix cursed the fact that he had a lewd dream about you of all people. He tried to ignore the images flashing in his head but when he closed his eyes there you were on all fours again with a teasing smile. He jumped into the bathroom and turned on the shower hoping a cold jolt would snap him back to sense but then he was thinking of you in this shower with him. Water rolling down your body, that same teasing smile and sultry voice begging him to take you against the wall.

For a few minutes he swallowed his embarrassment and let the fantasy play out fucking into his fist and pretending it was you squeezing around him instead. He thought of your moans and whimpers egging him on. Begging him to be harder, faster, rougher. He bit his lip to keep from shouting as he finally spent himself and started coming down from his high.

He felt more relaxed afterwards but the release of tension didn’t make him feel better knowing he had masturbated to you. You were his...friend? You two had never been friends before coming to Storybrooke and he doubted that you two were that now. Whatever you were to him he shouldn’t be thinking about you like that. You both wanted to get back to Neverland and having obscene fantasies of you was not the way to go about that.

It was still fairly early but he was too wound up to go back to bed. So he got dressed and went exploring throughout the mansion. That’s how he had found the secret library full of blank books and that secret vault under the floorboards. He put everything back in place before racing to wake you up and show you. He had almost forgotten about his dream until you opened the door and he was met with your sleepy face and bedhead. Had you always been this attractive or was it just the layers of dirt that had gotten washed away last night that made you much more appealing to him suddenly? He decided not to dwell on why he was having these thoughts and instead took you down to see the stash of money he had found.

You were so giddy at the knowledge that you could actually have a roof over your head and food in your belly that he found himself smiling too. Your smile was so infectious. He let you take the lead when you went shopping. He didn’t recognize half the stuff he saw in that store but trusted your judgement when you dropped something in the cart.

Then there was when you went to go clothes shopping. Felix wouldn’t admit that he was getting a little worn out of his Neverland attire. It was functional but that was all he could say about it. The smell of it after he had gotten out of the bath the night before almost made him gag. Perhaps this was the reason no one wanted you or him around. You both reeked of years of living in a jungle.

You two were on totally opposite ends of the clothing store so Felix thought he was safe until you came charging into his dressing room ranting about the tiny pockets on your pants. The tight fitted pants that hugged your legs and ass perfectly. Then when you unceremoniously stuffed your hand down his pocket to see how deep they were it took all his self control and thoughts of rotting animal carcasses to not pop an erection right there in the store.

You were trying to make him burst a blood vessel and you didn’t even seem to notice! Which is why he was back in his room sitting on his bed hungry and horny. He was waiting until after he was sure you had gone to bed to get some food. He really didn’t want to chance running into you again and risk those impure thoughts bubbling to the surface once more.

Hopefully today had just been a spoof and tomorrow all these strange new thoughts and feelings would be gone. You two had a mission after all. Get back to Neverland. Lust wasn’t going to help that mission.

---

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#felix imagine #felix x reader #ouat felix #ouat #neverland #peter pan ouat #roommate au #felix's pov is in 2nd person

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aliensunflower-fics · 4 years

Text

Adrien ‘Amok’ Agreste: A dark theory/prompt

I believe that there is something more to Emilie Agreste's coma. I believe that there is something more to the broken peacock pin. I believe that the Adrien Agreste that we know and love is an amok. And that he has been for a very long time. In fact, I believe that the original Adrien Agreste is dead, and has been for many many years.

Why do I believe this? Simple, I believe that when the show tells me that THE wish Gabriel so desires would have consequences that they aren't just saying the wish has consequences but rather that all magic may have consequences. Wielding the power of the gods must surely come with a price to pay. And I believe Emilie Agreste paid that price with her very life. All so that 'Adrien' could become real. Now I base this on the fact that the wish would have consequences but also on what I can see in the show. Marinette has terrible luck, her gifts always backfire, her best-laid plans blow up in her face, sure she has a loving family but even they think she's so clumsy that they don't fully trust her. I believe that Tikki is eating Marinette's luck. What about Plagg and Adrien? Well if I'm correct then I'm not sure how Amok Adrien wielding a miraculous could work but id easily argue that Adrien has a tendency to destroy that which is most important to him, we have all seen the other timelines, after all.

But enough about that. Let's get to the meat of the topic. Emilie Agreste and a certain peacock brooch. I don't think Emilie simply collapsed from a broken pin [though I do believe it is what was making Nathalie sick.] I think the pin was once completely fine, unbroken, and fully functional. And I think Emilie Agreste was used to using it, bringing toys to life for young Adrien's entertainment! In order to pay her price, Duusu would take just a bit of Emilie's life force not enough to impact the woman's life much, but she'd be tired at the end of the day, too exhausted to do much of anything physically. But I think she was friends Duusu, and loved hearing and seeing Adrien laugh and play amazed by his mother's magic!

And then Adrien Agreste died. And in order to bring him back, I believe Emilie broke the rules of the peacock, she defied the temporary nature of the magic and in-exchange for her very own life she gave birth for a second time to Adrien, an amok with the true soul of a human. Of course, this sucked out Emilie's own life leaving her an empty shell, and as for Duusu and the miraculous? After having its magic so violated it broke and went dormant, waiting for the day that Mayura would appear. Only because the miraculous was still broken it began sapping away more of the woman's health than it would have otherwise had it been whole.

I believe Gabriel knew of the Miraculous and what they could do but never thought much of it until it was too late. I think Emilie kept what she did, a secret a dark, and when Gabriel found her unconscious that the broken pin was his only clue leading him to believe that it was his mistake allowing a strange magical artifact into his home in the first place.

Now with that explanation, I present to you my dark little prompt on how Emilie and Adrien Agreste died:

Adrien Agreste died on his 5th birthday. His father was at work until that evening, and there was no party [they had all agreed to have the party in two days when it was the weekend and everyone was free]. In order to keep Adrien entertained and make his birthday extra special Emilie had transformed using Duusu and was using her powers to bring to life Adrien's toys. It wasn't the first time she'd done this but she kept the occurrences rare, a special treat, and a special secret that they were NEVER to tell Daddy about! Adrien was good at keeping secrets and loved playing with the 'friends' his mother would make him. She'd reenact fairytales for him she'd chase him around. It was special it was fun, it was everything Emilie ever wanted.

And then something went wrong.

Maybe Adrien slipped and fell, maybe he was reckless and hid in a dangerous spot without knowing, maybe when they stopped for lunch he ate something he was allergic to. All you need to know is Adrien Agreste died on that day, his mother screaming and crying and begging for everything to just be a bad dream. She NEEDED it to be a bad dream. Adrien was her life, her soul, her reason for being. She did not want another child she wanted HER child her precious perfect baby boy! And then perhaps it was something Duusu said, perhaps the idea came over her like a possession. But in that moment despite Duusu's pleading, despite knowing the risks, despite the fact that reality was staring her in the face. She transformed and called for every ounce of magic she had and she commanded the miraculous to bend to her will twisting and breaking the magic and its laws. And when the feather sunk into Adrien's lifeless corpse it jolted and twitched and was overcome. And suddenly there he was! Her bouncing perfect happy baby boy! He jumped into his mama's arms and she laughed and twirled him holding him closer to herself. She had FIXED him, everything was okay now. That night Gabriel returned trying in vain to hide a massive teddy bear behind his back. He laughed and smiled when Adrien his 'son' ran up to greet him and cling to his legs. He never noticed how tired Emilie looked.

But unknown to her the smallest crack had appeared in the miraculous. And it would only grow.

Adrien was fragile. As she would come to learn. Two days after the day he died they were all celebrating at the boy's late birthday party, Chloe, Felix and Adrien were playing. Chasing each other around and having fun while only Emilie looked after them, Gabriel was inside away from the children catching up with Audrey, Andre, and Amelie's husband. Amelie her sister had gone to get them drinks saying she'd be right back. And then Adrien tripped on his untied shoelace and hit his head. And then he didn't get up. His body twitched and shook, Chloe screamed and ran inside, while Felix tripped and fell to the ground unable to tear his eyes away while his cousin seemed to melt away revealing SOMETHING. Emilie ran to her childs side calling all of Duusu's magic into her hands. By the time Gabriel made it outside 'Adrien' was just fine with only a little scratch and a bit of blood on his perfect little head. Emilie smiled tiredly and told Audrey and her husband that Chloe had just gotten a little scared when Adrien fell and started crying. Chloe tried to deny the claim, tried to say Adrien's body had been OOZING something but her parents simply rolled their eyes and told her to stop being dramatic about a little blood. Felix meanwhile ran into his mothers arms and said he wanted to go home. The sisters shared jokes about how dramatic children could be!

Emilie thought that would be the end of it. But it would happen several times each time she would just barely be able to call on the magic to keep Adrien together, and each time she was very VERY lucky that Gabriel had missed it. But it was clear to Emilie that Adrien was too fragile for school, she needed to keep her child home where she could keep him safe and sound. And so when it came time for Adrien's annual check up Emilie volunteered to take him alone after all Gabriel was a busy man he needed to focus on work right now, so that one day Adrien could inherit the company! The doctor she chose looked perfect on paper, but all it took was a little cash to convince the man that Adrien was a sickly weak child who's health would suffer if he were to attend public school. When Emilie returned home with the bad news her husband was concerned un-sure if they shouldn't perhaps try to get a second opinion after all Adrien seemed fine! He was such an energetic happy boy! Emilie felt guilt gnaw at her insides as for the next month she distracted her husband with excuses and lies, finally he saw it her way and told Adrien himself that they would have to break their promise he would not be going to public school. Adrien threw tantrum but Emilie ended it easily. Adrien was always SO well behaved for her, he always listened to EVERYTHING she said. Her perfect baby boy, who was going to be safe now, safe and home.

As the years wore on Emilie grew weaker, unknown to her the miraculous she wore had gained cracks and fissures another one for each and everytime she defied the laws of nature to keep her 'perfect' child alive and well. Duusu had tried many times over the years to make the woman see reason until finally she grew tired of the arguing and commanded the little god to stay quiet and listen to her every word. Duusu had no choice but to nod and continue watching as Emilie destroyed her own soul, giving her life piece by piece to the amok she called 'son'.

And Adrien? Well he was PERFECT. He grew up just like Emilie wanted, he looked just like she always thought he would as a child, he never spoke out of turn, never fought her for anything, he was polie, kind, innocent, sweet, a romantic like herself, he was like a prince from the fairytale books she used to read him every single night. He learned everything so quickly it made Emilie glow in pride. It was like Adrien had become everything she ever wanted and hoped for. Gabriel was just as proud though he sometimes admited he was envious at how Adrien seemed to listen to his mother more then he listened to his dear old dad. Emilie would just laugh and say it was because Adrien was a momma's boy and that it would change when he got older. But she honestly hoped it never did. After all her son was perfect the way he was now! And who wouldn't want a perfect son?

And then it was his birthday again.

Just like all those many years ago, Gabriel was busy with work. It was just her and Adrien yet again. They plaid piano, they watched her movie, they read books together, it was perfect just perfect. And then... It wasn't.

The second time Adrien died. Nothing went wrong. He got up to get his mother a cup of tea and then he was on the floor. Emilie ran to his side and called for the magic to keep him sustained like she had every single time before for so many years. But the miraculous glitched and sputtered too broken to listen to the command. Emilie was forced to watch as her now teenage son, her perfect wonderful flawless son, dissolved away. Until the only thing that remained was the body of a 5 year old taken too soon from the cold cruel world. He hadn't changed at all. Still like she saw him all those years ago. Still dead.

And for the first time ever Emilie allowed herself to weep and allowed reality to break into her perfect wonderful life. Adrien was dead. He'd been dead this whole time, the boy she raised the boy she loved he was a being of her own making. A creature she had burdened with all her hopes and dreams a creature she had shaped into a perfect ideal son. But Adrien... Her Adrien. He hadn't been a perfect child. He'd been reckless, he'd been overdramatic, he threw tantrums, he pouted and wailed and was naive, sometimes he just would not listen to her. And when he'd died she had not only refused to accept his death, but she'd refused to acknowledge who he actually was. The Adrien she'd been raising was a pretty lie, a perfect painting covering a rotting canvas. So she cried and screamed and wailed. She mourned her child, the real and the fake. She mourned her marriage had Gabriel even noticed how sick and weak she was? She mourned for the years she would not have and the things she would not see.

And Duusu. Duusu who had tried to warn the woman, Duusu who had been her dearest friend once upon a time, Duusu who already knew what she was going to do, Duusu who felt tired his body aching as his miraculous broke more with each act of twisted magic, Duusu who laid his little paw on Emilie's cheek and cried his own tears and gave the woman a solemn nod.

Just once more Emilie called for the magic and just once more she twisted it and broke it and shaped it. But this time she let go, she let go of all restraint, this time she let go of her own soul, this time she let go of who she wanted Adrien to be and instead remembered who he WAS. This time, this very last time she would for the third time gave birth to another life. The first had been Adrien, the second had been what she wanted him to be, and this last time he would be who he wanted to be. The feather again sunk into the childs body.

When Adrien awoke his head lay on his mothers lap. She looked pale and tired, had she always looked this tired? She smiled a weak and frail little smile and told him he'd fallen asleep. That night Gabriel came home with a gift hidden behind his back for Adrien. And he remarked that Emilie looked like she needed some rest while Adrien tore open his present. Emilie just smiled and said she would get some later, she wanted to spend time with her family tonight and take in every last second she could.

Perhaps it was the universes blessing that gave Emilie a little more time with her son. Or perhaps she'd been a little selfish in the end and made sure she had enough life left over so she could bask in the warmth of her sunshine one last time. But in the end she broke the laws of the universe and magic, and she had a price to pay. But she was happy now, so happy, Adrien even if he was made from her energy, a feather and some magic, was real now, he was free, and he would grow up and live his own life, maybe have his own children. She would never see them but she would love them through Adrien. It was with that thought that Emilie finally fell asleep.

Gabriel would never know what truly happened to his wife. Duusu would never tell him, the poor man would blame himself, and magic, yet he'd seek it out same as his wife had so he could cling to the past. And Adrien? Well Adrien was dead. But he was also alive, and for the first time in years he was free. But now he had to figure out what that meant.

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#my fic #character death #technically? i guess???#miraculous fanfic #adrien agreste #ml au #ml theory #ml prompt #miraculous ladybug fanfiction #gabriel agreste #ml hawkmoth #ml mayura #do i tag this as salt???#ml angst

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my-happy-little-bean · 3 years

Text

The Bookkeeper – Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Nihilism and the Death of Art (I)

pairings: logan/patton (logicality), roman/virgil (prinxiety) words: 3611 chapter warnings: mild swearing, nihilism, existential crisis, arguments, implied deaths/”ghosts” chapter summary: the reunion episode

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< previous chapter

—

Fray and Far Fables dwelled in silence for a week. Logan kept himself busy with writing, but worked on everything except for his speech. Instead, he scrawled questions in the margins of his drafts, annotating his work in the hopes that it’d meet Virgil Aries’ careful eye.

He knew he should have let it go ever since Roman’s breakdown—the deadline for his drafted speech was fast approaching, after all—but he couldn’t help it. Part of him truly believed that if Roman saw how much he wanted this, he’d change in his mind.

Logan underlined a few words of his annotations, narrowing his eyes. Blue sparks trailed his writing.

Roman had to change his mind.

Logan sighed, looking over at Virgil Aries’ book sitting on his counter, closed. He used to think it was taunting him, but now it felt like it was begging him for anything, anything, anything.

He hadn’t seen Roman much in the past few days, but he made sure that the book sat in Roman’s line of sight, just as much as it sat in his. But still, Roman hid in the shadows between each book. He didn’t even come out for Patton, who had only visited once or twice, as if he was a child walking into the middle of their parents’ feud.

Logan crumbled a sticky note in his hand and flicked it off the counter, a trail of blue magic shooting it straight into the trash can.

“Oh isn’t this quite the show.”

Logan blinked. Sitting on Virgil Aries’ book was Roman, magically there with no trace of entrance.

“I...how did you...”

Roman snapped his fingers, and a spark of red fizzled out like a fading sparkler. Logan abandoned the current point of intrigue almost immediately, and settled for the next.

“Where have you been?”

“I’ve been bookkeeping.” Roman shot him a glare. “That's all I do.”

Logan winced.

“Roman, I want to talk to you, about what I said–”

“Already forgotten, Specs.”

“ Please just...just hear me out. Okay?”

Roman opened his mouth to protest, but it eventually thinned into a tense line. Logan took a deep breath, closing his eyes and pushing up his glasses.

“I’m sorry about what happened in the book nook,” Logan murmured. “I...I was being too eager.”

“You were being unrealistic, Logan.”

“I just don’t think it is unrealistic.” Logan sighed. “I...I know that it is a lot to ask for. And I discredited you a lot that day, and I just want you to know that what I said...it isn’t reflective of what I think about you, Roman. I think the world of you.”

Roman softened, Logan could tell, but he did his best not to show it.

“...Go on.”

Logan let a small smile slip.

“That’s why I think we can do this, Roman. I know you are apprehensive, but I want to work through that with you. And if we can perfect this, it opens up so many possible avenues for the state of research as we know it. We could contribute so much , Roman.”

A pause. Roman hopped off the closed copy of Virgil Aries’ book and floated off the counter, flying slowly along the shelves. He ran his hand across the spines of the books.

“Why do you want to meet Virgil?” Roman asked quietly.

Logan found himself taken aback.

“I...there’s so many reasons, Roman. You know I could go on for days about his work–”

“But why him? ” Roman stopped mid-air and turned around to stare at Logan. “Why do you want to hear it from him?”

It was only then that Logan saw a glint of red in Roman's irises, buried beneath a mix of tiredness and hope. He had seen both before, but never together.

Logan frowned, face scrunching up in thought.

“There’s knowledge that needs to be explored, even just a little,” he finally said. “And I know Virgil Aries had more to say. I’m sincere in my intentions, Roman — I want to finish the thoughts he wanted to explore.”

Roman looked at Logan, almost defeated. The red glow around him dimmed to the point where it dropped him slightly. Logan jolted forward, as if ready to catch him, but Roman lifted himself back up with a heavy sigh.

“You used to do that a lot, you know.” Roman smiled, yet it felt hollow. “As a kid, you used to finish everyone’s sentences. You always seemed to know what to say; you always seemed to know every answer. So...seeing you like this puzzles me, I suppose.”

“What are you saying, Roman?”

Roman closed his eyes and floated back to the counter, sitting on Virgil Aries’ book once more.

“They say that the desire to know– truly know– everything about anything runs deep in one’s veins. And like any sort of power, it can become...well, overpowering.”

Roman opened his eyes and looked up at Logan.

“What I’m saying is that this will change things, Logan. You deal with a greater power than what I am exerting. You deal with the past and you deal with knowledge: both the reaffirming kind and the new, hidden kind– the one that lays in unexplored realms.”

“Roman, what are you–”

“I’m scared, Logan,” Roman blurted out. The air grew thick and the shop became quiet. Roman rubbed the bridge of his nose, ducking his head, almost embarrassed. “I’m...I’m just scared.”

Logan softened.

“Who wouldn’t be?” Logan held out his hand against the counter, palm open for Roman to land, as he always did. “But fear underlies every pursuit, yet the pursuit itself is worth it. It always is.”

Roman looked at Logan’s hand, looked down at the book, and took a deep breath.

“You’re a nerd, you know that?” Roman floated off the book and towards Logan’s hand. “You are the biggest nerd, and I hate what you’re about to make me do because of your whole...nerd thing.”

Logan’s smile only grew. And when Roman landed on his open palm, sparks of blue and red fizzled together, leaving a second-long burst of purple; then the blue grew like small tides of smoke and washed over the red.

(As it was always meant to do.)

—

Logan stood at the front counter, flipping through his drafts in his hand. Patton, who Logan had called for moral support, stood alongside Logan. He tapped his foot quietly as Roman scanned the pages of Virgil Aries’ book.

“Okay, listen up,” Roman said, not breaking his stare from the pages beneath him. “Before we do this, I gotta lay down some ground rules.”

“Oh, wonderful,” Logan said dryly. “I feel like a child on a field trip.”

Roman looked up and narrowed his eyes at him. Logan gulped.

“I mean...go on. I quite thoroughly enjoy rules.”

“Me too!” Patton spoke up. “Rules rule! ”

Roman smiled wryly and nodded, continuing on with his reading.

“So first off, do not touch anything. Not only am I going to be putting a lot of energy into creating a physical manifestation of Virgil Aries’ soul, but also my magic has been a bit rusty as of late. So this book nook is going to be extremely fragile. Think of it like a house of cards: one wrong move and the whole thing is going to fall apart.”

“Got it.”

“Also, you can’t touch Virgil Aries, you can’t tell him that he’s in a book nook or make any reference to the fact that he’s dead, and you can’t give him anything. On top of the whole ‘fragile book nook’ thing, the entirety of his soul isn’t really in the book. Remember, there are many parts of a soul, and since Virgil’s life is a single fragment of that soul, it is still not fully him; you wouldn’t want to confuse the poor guy, the whole thing will fall apart. Plus, most of his soul is in the astral plane, so anything you’d try to give him would probably wind up there too — and there’s no ‘lost and found’ box in the astral plane.

Patton blinked and slowly, but hesitantly, nodded. Logan smiled and shook his head, patting Patton’s shoulder.

“And finally–” Roman stared at the papers in Logan’s hand– “you can’t stay for too long.”

Logan’s eyes darted up to meet Roman’s.

“What do you mean? You and Patton stay in the other book nooks for hours on end–”

“You’re different,” Roman snapped. A pause. Logan tilted his head. Roman cleared his throat.

“I– I mean... it’s different. It’s different...for you.” He crossed his arms and huffed. “Look, I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

“...You do have to explain it to me.” Logan waved the papers at Roman. “I have so many questions for him, it’s going to at least take an hour to walk through my first draft– I even devised my own interview with him with several questions and–”

“No, Logan. It’s– It’s my job to protect you, and I– I swore to your grandfather which means this is already a huge violation of that promise and– and you…”

Roman sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “You just can’t, okay?”

A beat of silence. Logan stared at Roman and couldn’t help but think about how far back the two of them went; how much Roman knew about him that he didn’t yet know about himself. And even if the rules of magic would allow it, would Roman tell him any of it?

Logan closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before setting some papers aside. All he kept in his right hand was one paper: the cover of his speech, with his research question sprawled on it; the only part that wasn’t completely drowned in red ink. Patton held his other hand and squeezed it softly. Roman nodded.

“Okay, so if everything is understood, we can get started.” Roman pressed his hands on the page and closed his eyes. A soft, red glow...

And nothing happened.

“Uhh, Roman?” Patton spoke up after a few seconds. “Do you, um…”

“I– I’m fine.” Roman gritted his teeth. “Just need to get everything together. In– in place.”

“How can we assist you?”

Roman looked up at Logan, then back down at the book. He took a deep breath.

“Grab the book, Lo. I need you to read an excerpt. Kinda move things along.”

“Are you not able to read it like last ti–”

“ Time’s ticking, Logan.”

“Right, got it.” Logan grabbed the book, being careful not to drop Roman.

“Now hold it out in front of you and hold on tight.”

Patton moved his hold on Logan to his arm, bringing himself closer to his side. Logan took a deep breath.

“ ‘ Nihilism is defined by nothingness, the belief that life is meaningless. In this true nothingness, artists hence pursue their work in the hopes of creation within said void. However, the newfound rigidity of their work is more prevalent than ever. The artist has become a mass-produced object, producing in turn. Any optimism in the practice has turned to neutrality and helpless routine, if not a nightmare. The loss of identity and purpose is welcomed and–’ ”

Logan felt himself jerk forward, a blinding void of darkness– no, not darkness, nothing– filling his vision and blurring the words.

He snuck a glance at Patton, who held him even tighter. Then, he looked at Roman, who had his eyes closed with tears of exertion beading his face.

“K-Keep– going.”

He clenched his jaw as the nothing swirled up his legs and crawled through his skin.

“ ‘– And art has become a defense mechanism — an emotionally-neutral act of creation. If there is no spark behind the canvas, is there anything truly meant by its existence, or is it just – is it just dark– is it– ’ ”

And before the darkness swallowed him whole, Logan looked up and saw two steely, purple eyes, staring right at him.

...

(But he can’t go back, he just can’t .)

—

Logan blinked, trying to gain sight of his surroundings. He stood in what seemed like an ink-filled void, the air thick and hollow. All he could see was a wooden, barely-together chair and a single, dimmed lightbulb strung up from nowhere.

And on the chair, shrouded with a cloak of matching darkness, was Virgil Aries.

Virgil was leaned forward in the chair, his tattered cloak falling at his sides. Peeking out from under his hood was strands of silver hair, yet Logan noticed that Virgil looked younger than he expected, at least mid-20s.

But that wasn’t what Logan was looking at. Logan couldn’t break his stare away from Virgil’s eyes: purple and pulsing with a light that was almost blinding.

Logan dropped the book with a deafening thud , and Roman fell with it.

Virgil stared at him for a moment, then looked at the book. Logan watched Virgil make eye contact with Roman before he buried his stare into Logan’s skull.

“...Um, ow. ”

Logan frowned, then looked at the book on the floor. Roman frantically motioned for him to pick him up. Logan’s mouth dropped to a small ‘o’ and he scrambled to pick the book up.

“Oh– I apologize, I don’t know what I was thinking I–”

“Don’t sweat it. It was...a joke. Yeah.” Virgil rubbed the back of his neck. “Just a joke.”

“Is this where you live?” Patton blurted out. Virgil tilted his head. Everything he seemed to do was so sluggish.

“I live in London.” Virgil slowly looked around them. “And this isn’t...this…”

Roman hopped off the book and onto Patton’s shoulder. He loudly cleared his throat.

“Nah, this is all me, Pat. I took us here, remember? I would’ve made– er, brought you guys to a better place, but this is sorta all I could, um...get to on time, heh.”

Patton patted Roman’s head with his index finger. Virgil glared at Roman once more and narrowed his eyes.

“And who exactly are you?”

Logan turned to Roman, waiting for him to introduce himself, but he instead stayed quiet. Logan decidedly stepped forward.

“I am Logan Fray. Professor Aries, it is an honour to meet you.”

Patton whispered to Roman, “Professor?”

Roman said nothing.

“Alright, cool, so first rule — let’s not call me that. Pretty sure you aged me, like, seventy years. And you’re reminding me of my crippling student debt and the corruption within academia. So Virgil is just fine.” Virgil leaned back in his chair. “And I asked who you are — what the hell am I supposed to do with a name?”

Logan felt his cheeks burning red.

“Um– of course!” He loosened his tie and broke into a shaky smile. “I own a bookshop named Fray and Far Fables, but more notably, I am currently conducting research on the practicality and implications of nihilism in regards to...well, the death of art, for lack of better phrasing.”

“ Oh.” Virgil’s smug smile dropped. “You’re here to talk about…”

“Your book.” Logan held up a piece of paper with a bright smile. “I have a few questions for you in regards to your writing. Since we’re on a bit of a figurative time crunch at the moment, I am just going to go ahead and start. On page 34, when you stated that art’s foundation has been encased in an hopeless paradox, do you mind clarifying what tha–”

“Now I’m going to stop you right there,” Virgil cut in, waving his hand dismissively. “Are you seriously asking me to explain my book to you?”

Logan blinked.

“Not explain it, per se. I just assumed you had more to say. The book was published before you– well, it was published early. And it more or less ended with a question that I now pose today: what is, then, the point of art in a meaningless life? I am seeking these answers too, and I think we can answer them together.”

Logan took a brave step forward. “We have the most precious thing before us: knowledge and time. ”

A beat of silence. Virgil looked over at Patton and Roman.

“Is he always like this?”

“Yeahhh.” Patton gave him a small smile. “It’s cute.”

“If ‘cute’ means hopelessly pretentious, then sure.”

Logan’s jaw dropped.

“I– what?”

Patton stifled a laugh. Virgil, however, laughed openly. Logan felt himself stumble back. He turned to Roman.

“Is– is this some sort of joke? Am I being punished, and this is not actually Virgil Aries?”

“I’m right here–”

“I’m not punishing you, Logan.” Roman’s voice was barely above a murmur. “This...this is Virgil Aries.”

Virgil shrugged, leaning back in his chair. Logan stared at him, trying to imagine what he used to think Virgil looked like: straight-postured, wisps of brown hair, wise, passionate. He attempted to place the illusion on top of what he saw right now: a small, tired man.

“Your...your book is brilliant,” Logan murmured, his heart sinking. “There has to be something you can tell me.”

For a split second, Virgil’s smile fell.

“It’s all in there,” Virgil replied quietly. “There is nothing left for me to say. Who cares about knowing whether art means or does not mean something when...when everything means nothing?”

Logan blinked. To himself, he quietly murmured, “I care.”

(Buildings crashing, everything crashing– )

“Besides,” Virgil continued. “I have never really met someone who was this passionate about my book — that includes me.”

“But– but it is your life’s work,” Logan stammered. He felt the air around him grow heavier. “Y-You– you wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t.”

Virgil blinked at him. “This ... was my life’s work?”

Shit. He forgot about that rule. Logan looked over at Roman, who stayed still.

Logan turned back to Virgil.

“Okay, okay. Even if you didn’t have anything left to say about your work, you have to at least have any insight about my question. T-There...there has to be something. ”

“Logan,” he heard Roman finally whisper behind him, “I– I think we have to go.”

“No!” Logan stormed up to Virgil, despite feeling Patton attempt to grab him back. “No, we– we can’t go, there– there has to be an answer, there has to be–”

“There isn’t anything, Logan.” Virgil’s voice suddenly became buried in overlapping echoes. He turned his head away from Logan. “There is no answer– the point of nihilism is that there is nothing. There is nothing to live for, there is nothing to write — there is no answer, Logan, because the answer is that there is none.”

“L-Logan, we have to go. ” For the first time in a long time, Roman’s voice trembled with the force of an unsteady storm. “We– we have to leave, please– ”

“Lo, I– I think you should listen to Roman, just–”

“How could you be telling me this?!” Logan felt himself gasp for air with each word. “You– you can’t understand art’s meaning without understanding the implied lack thereof, and if you already know the lack thereof, you– you have to know the– the thereof! ”

“What are you even– Logan, when will you understand?” Virgil stood up slowly. Logan felt as if the air around him was starting to suffocate him. Virgil’s voice was shaking with dark echoes that sent chills down Logan’s spine.

“I’ve been waiting for someone to prove me wrong. And no one has. ”

Logan paled. In front of him was the answer– this had to have been the answer– Virgil had to have the answer, even if he didn’t know and– and if this wasn’t the answer– if there was no answer, then–

In the blink of an eye, Logan lunged at Virgil with a frustrated roar, hearing the shouts of Roman and Patton drown out behind him. But before he could grab onto Virgil, he stopped dead in his tracks.

His hand...was grey.

And climbing up his arm was grey, something in his chest went grey, and he could feel it in his neck, in his skull–

“W-What is…” His voice was barely above a whisper. “What is happening to me?”

Virgil looked down at Logan’s darkened hand and sighed. Everything around him and Logan froze for a brief moment in what felt like a never-ending tunnel of time.

“You know what pessimistic nihilism is, right?”

“Y-Yes. It’s– it’s usually reserved for people mid-crisis before recovering into some sort of belief system”

“Then find it.” Virgil shakily grabbed the collar of Logan’s shirt. Time slowly returned in dredging slumps. Virgil's purple eyes haunted Logan in a way that he knew could not ever be reversed. “Find what you believe in because it’s not here– there’s nothing else here–”

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” Roman screamed.

Before Logan could say anything else, he felt himself fall down, down, down; past the darkness, past Patton’s screams and tears, past Virgil and Roman and the answers, just out of his reach–

And when Logan returned to the shop, panting for air, he looked up at his hand. Patches of the inky void that carved into his skin crawled down his fingertips and disappeared into the air in front of him. .

In his other hand, he saw his tight grasp on the paper with his question. Strings of words burned into his retinas.

“If life has no inherent meaning….”

“Why are humans so eager to escape …”

“What’s the point in creating something out of nothing ?”

“What’s the point of anything at all if there’s—”

And with a strangled cry, Logan ripped the paper in half, and then again, and then again; until it was all gone, and there was nothing, nothing, nothing.

—

next chapter >

#TS Storytime 2021 #gabbie writes things #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #logicality #prinxiety #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #logan/patton #roman/virgil #logic/morality #creativity/anxiety

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sopxhiea · 4 years

Text

Ecstasy

Alfie Solomons X Reader

“Neither of them knew whether this was fate or a cruel joke made by the souls above...but there was one thing he knew for sure, he wasn’t going to let go..”

The air was pleasantly soft, winter was long gone and the vivid colours of the nature decorated the corners of the busy street. The markets were lively today, the sounds of laughter and pleasant chatter filled the air along with the lovely smell of flowers, blossoming early this year. The sound of her heels were rather silent against the pavement, giving soft smiles on her way to the bakery.

It had been a while since she’d seen him, he haunted her in her dreams. She was supposedly his left hand, Ollie was the right one. She lost count on how many years it had been since she had started working for him, it was the most pleasant years she’d spent around London. The work was good, doable but what she liked the most was Alfie’s company.

He was kind with her, more so than he was with anyone. Years spent working with her had taught him how fragile she could be, she wasn’t just any woman he had picked up from a bar. Their relationship was one for the books: they worked together but they had also become each others’ best friend. Alfie was not one to talk but the first year she worked for him, she had managed to take his hard walls down.

Despite being close, there were always things left unsaid. Alfie was desperately falling for her, maybe too hard to even comprehend what was happening. A part of him wanted Y/N, and only her. Most days, the sun rose and went down with Y/N for Alfie. She was a sight for sore eyes and the only thing that kept Alfie going for most days. The amount of stress and frustration disappeared from his shoulders the minute she was in sight.

Today was one of those days Y/N was told to turn in later than usual. Alfie had a meeting with the infamous Thomas Shelby and the last time they had a meeting, Y/N was in the room and the looks Tommy was giving her had made Alfie burst out with anger so she was left out from this meeting. She didn’t mind, she wasn’t particularly fond of Thomas Shelby, even though she thought his brothers and sister were good company when she was looking for one.

In Y/N’s part, Alfie was practically her saviour. Despite paying her a good amount of money, he was also the her rock when she needed someone. In the lonely London corners, they were each others safe place. There were feelings Y/N had, ones she kept to herself and herself only. She was afraid that those feelings would be the thing that would ruin the things going on between her and Alfie, the relationship itself was something too precious to lose.

She opened the door to the bakery, the mixed smell of sweat and rum filled her lungs, making her feel a little dizzy when Ollie greeted her with a low chuckle. Ollie and her got a long exceptionally well after the first two years of trying to avoid Alfie’s tantrums together. She softly smiled at him, murmuring a low ‘hello’ as she walked into Alfie’s office.

It had been a couple months since Alfie moved her office into his, achieving his aim of having her around more but also the office ran more efficiently. She knocked once to warn him but didn’t listen for the approval and went in right away. Thomas Shelby was nowhere in sight but instead, there was a grumpy old man sitting on one of the sofas in the corner of the room.

She looked at him for a while, slowly solving the puzzle of why he was so groggy as she put down the bouquet of flowers and the pastry she bought on her table. She started humming as his gaze met her figure, his mood suddenly altering. As she sang lowly while putting the flowers in the vase, he watched his little angel walk around the room, spreading light around the dimly lit room as she waited for him to speak first but he just watched instead.

“Good afternoon.” she said softly, sitting next to him on the sofa and opening the bag of pastries. If she knew him well, and she did, he hadn’t had breakfast before a meeting with the Shelby, he was too grumpy to eat in mornings like these.

“It is, love.” he murmured, eyes never leaving her presence. She looked at him for a while, noticing how tired he actually was.

Alfie was a hard worker and there were times it became too much. He forgot to take care of himself often and when it was time, Y/N stepped in. There were many times Y/N had to stay over at his house so he actually did rest and didn’t go into work early like he usually did, even on Hanukah once. There were nights where she was the one to drag him out of the bakery so that he slept and she thought she might have to do that now.

“Did you leave the bakery yesterday?” she asked, lowly as they looked into each others’ eyes. She didn’t break eye contact, knowing if she did, he would dismiss the question.

She slowly set up a small table in front of him, a few kinds of pastries and coffee as his mind ran after the events of the meeting. Thomas Shelby was complicated but Alfie was even more so and this alliance could be something of a problem if things went the way Alfie suspected them to go. She slowly fixed his hair, pushing back a few strands of the disheveled hair decorating his forehead. He slowly started eating as she waited for an answer. Alfie would speak when he needed to, she just needed to wait a little for it.

“I did, yeah.” he said, taking big sips from his coffee as his eyes met her gaze, she was unimpressed. “I promise, love.” he slowly spoke, one of his hands resting on her knee to reassure her.

She worried about him, more than she worried for herself. On most days, her world revolved around him: she made sure he was feeling okay, he was calm and happy and ate. He was a big baby in her eyes, he would always be. He was her Alfie after all. She knew of the things he had been through, the things he had to endure in the war and the losses he endured. As someone who had no family other than a pressing mother, she had become the cure to his troubled soul.

They stayed like that for a long time, she watched the hot drink slowly cool off while he watched her. She was slowly becoming his whole world and a part of him was scared. Alfie had loved women before but he had never gotten his heart broken and he had no intentions of having a bruised heart so he had to stop himself at times like these.

She was too good for her, he thought. Alfie had killed people, he had seen and done horrid things, he deserved the worst in his own eyes. What he missed to see was that he was her world already, she was willing to do anything he wanted, she would always be by his side but Alfie was often overthinking it, as he always was when it came to important things.

With his hand on her knee, the room grew silent for a while. The silence, unlike what many would’ve thought, was comfortable. It was their time off when it came to it and Alfie always enjoyed her company. A small sigh left her lips, it was only the afternoon but she was slowly getting sleepy due to the warmth he was providing.

“Here.” he said, offering his cup of coffee to her as she took a sip, their hands becoming one as she cupped his hands to make sure he wasn’t spilling anything on her dress.

“Thank you.” she said, a little drop of coffee on her lower lip as she slowly leaned to wipe it off with a handkerchief but he was faster, wiping the drop with his thumb and giving her a soft smile.

Alfie came off as a harsh man, someone who was ice cold to most but not to her. He was the sweetest man she’d ever met and she’d met a lot of men, Alfie clearly stood out for her. There was a spark to him she was unable to explain. The more time she spent with him, the softer he became. He was a fragile man, too. He often needed someone next to him to care for him, but she didn’t know that this was the case because she had been so willing to take care of him, he would lean into her at all times.

Soon, they were both sitting down in front of their desks, working the hours off as the day passed. This was the usual routine, plus some chatter from both as they filled in blank pages and signed contracts off. Ollie had come in a few times, either bringing news about a new contract or a man with him. Y/N was used to this, it had been a couple months of it after all.

The sun slowly came down, the streets were calmer now. It was a friday night which either meant people were going our or resting. Y/N thought about the last time she went to a party, it had been a business occasion and Alfie was also there, she was the date as usual. At first, Alfie had thought that this was quite practical since she was both his date to most events and the secretary, she understood business and did interfere when it was necessary.

But as time passed, this became a problem. Alfie had to try his very best to keep his hands to himself and to keep his gaze away from her. She was a piece of heaven on earth right in front of him and these parties became scarce as time passes because of how easily Alfie got affected by her, she didn’t know it. The day came to an end as they spoke about daily things, munched on a few things and filed papers away.

It was nearing 7pm when she got up, slowly gathering her things as to tell him that she was done for the day. This was the usual routine, it had always been. She shook her coat and put it on as he watched, he liked admiring her a lot more than he was willing to admit. She gave her a soft smile and a nod of her head before speaking, words sounding like honey coming from her tongue.

“Come on, old man.” she said and chuckled when Alfie shook his head.

He knew not to protest when she had asked for something, in closed doors she was the boss. Soon, they were out of the door, waving Ollie goodbye as Alfie threw his arm around her shoulder, a smile appeared on her lips as she looked at him. To someone from outside, they could easily be mistaken for a couple, they acted like lovers on most bases but Alfie was still waiting for the perfect time to kiss her, to tell her that she meant the world to him.

In truth, he was well aware of the fact that there would never be a perfect time for the kiss. He was usually busy, even when he was around her. He was a man capable of making tall lads shiver with a simple look but his heart was too soft when it came to this particular lady. He would always do as she said, never making her say something twice just because he was a grown man who was well aware of the fact that this girl was one in a million.

Alfie had seen war, he had seen death up close and had experienced loss, maybe too much of it. He knew pain, he knew the feeling of being alone all too well and he didn’t want that feeling to ever come close to his soul again. The first year Y/N started working for Alfie had been the first year he had ceased to know what loneliness felt like, she was his moon and sun.

She was so gentle with him, even more so than she was to others. She was a sweetheart, a nervous one but she was lovely regardless. The first time she walked in when Alfie had a meeting with Sabini was the first time Alfie had felt fear since the war, he wanted to protect her from all harm no matter what it cost him.

Soon, Y/N was giggling at something he said while she gazed at the stars as he drove to her place. He knew the way too well. It had been a tiring day for both of them, it was a given and was quite regular occurrence. He gazed at her silently when they arrived, he wished that she’d stay. There were times like these when he’d be pleased that fate, god or whatever was up there brought her into his chaotic life.

“Off you go, love.” he said, taking her hand and escorting her out of the car. His touch has gentle on her skin.

“You wanna come in for a cup of tea?” she offered, sweet and innocent. Her tired yet beaming smile lured him in as he chuckled, nodding tiredly.

She felt the warmth of the place hit her face before her heart settled in. They had done this way too many times for her to not know how he liked his tea. A part of her longed for his stay, wished that he would be around her more regardless of the fact that she was around him almost every day for over eight hours.

Her heart longed for him, his company and his sweet smile. Y/N was aware of how soft he was to her, how much gentler he automatically became due to the soft spot she had earned for herself in his heart. Her heart was in a bliss when it came to Alfie, she knew that they were boss and employee, that things would be complicated but she certainly wasn’t dumb when it came to certain things.

She didn’t miss to see the spark in his eyes when she would arrive: she felt his hand on the small of her back way too many times to not know what electricity felt like. She thought that if anything, they had met for a reason. She was well aware of the fact that her mood would perk up when he was around, she cared for him like a lover would and not only her but most of the place was aware of it. Alfie was absolutely smitten, no matter how much he tried to hide it.

In the next fifteen minutes, they settled in the couch, facing the fire place while their faces warmed up, waiting for the water to boil. She felt his smell all around her as she sat next to him, almost laying on the sofa as he faced her, never letting an opportunity go to waste. As the shadows from the fire played with the frame of her face, he thought this was what they sought art to be, this was what all love letters and heart-wrenching poems were all about.

A sigh left her lips, soon returning with two cups of tea next to him. This time, she sat on the table where his feet rested. She put the tray next to his feet before he pulled them down. The tea was ready in a minute as he took the cup from her hands, she watched him in his natural state. Her heart was as warm as a summer morning.

“I heard the meeting went well today..” she spoke up first, touching the fabric of her dress as she sat on the table across his figure, facing him directly.

“It did, yeah.” he spoke, his voice low due to the late hour.

“Those fucking gypsies know how to do business.” he spoke up, slow but each syllable filled with his cockney accent.

She smiled warmly, her sleepy state becoming a comfortable one. She nodded, she wanted to turn the radio on or put music to fill the silence but it was simply too good, the silence felt blissful next to the fire she was staring at. He often wondered why she worked for him, regardless of the good wage.

She was the most beautiful girl in Camden Town, she could easily get a new job. On top of all her charm and beauty, she was smart and quite sharp too, she had taken up accounting faster than anyone he’d seen. She understood strategy and business and was kind, good with people yet, she worked in a dump.

“I heard, right, the opening of that dress shop was today.” he said, still testing waters after years of her working with him.

She nodded lightly, agreeing with the statement but soon realised he wanted to speak, to have a conversation about it so she spoke up. “They say the silk ones are exceptionally good.”she said, taking another sip from her tea before speaking.

“The dresses I mean.” she says, quiet but every word filled with amusement as he chuckles.

“Love...” he spoke up under the dim light, feeling his heart clench with each blink of her eyes.

She waited, she waited so that he’d say it. He wanted to tell her that she was all he cared about, that the beauty of moon was nothing compared to her morning glow. He wanted to ask for her hand, not only in marriage but in life, in every life that they may or may not have but a lump in throat stopped him, he smiled and she spoke lowly.

“You’re stuck with me..” she said, reading his mind.

She knew a little about how Alfie felt, she could feel it but she never said anything, she was too afraid. These relationships were fragile, especially when it came to the one person she was ready to risk it all for. She didn’t want to meddle with the timing, she didn’t want to mess anything up but she was also so desperate for the words.

He knew she was aware of the fact that he was incredibly fond of her, everyone was. The long hours spent together in cold bakery corners, worries shared and the joy spread from her heart to his were all signs that she wasn’t empty at heart for him but he knew the matters of the heart were not to be taken lightly. He did not want to rush yet his heart screamed for him to do so.

He was glad to be stuck with her, if anything it had been his dream all along.

“Lucky me.” he said under his breath, well aware of the fact that she heard him.

A pink hue spread on her cheeks, coloring her face even more so while Alfie watched the woman with adoration. She put her tea down and sat next to him on the sofa, snuggling even closer to get a better position so that she’d be even warmer. His hands found her body, cozying up as she practically laid on top of him. They didn’t say anything for the next hour, they didn’t need to.

The night ended when Alfie woke up in the middle of the night and carried her to her bed, taking off only to see her in a couple hours.

#alfie #alfie imagine #alfie solomons scenario #tom hardy alfie #Alfie Solomons #Tom Hardy #tom hardy fanfiction #tom hardy imagine #tom hardy fluff #alfie solomons x reader #alfie solomons fluff #alfie solomons angst #alfie solomons smut #Peaky Blinders #peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinders alfie #alfie peaky blinders #peaky blinder imagine

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shesey · 3 years

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Wintering by Katherine May

“Wintering is a season in the cold. It is a fallow period in life when you’re cut off from the world, feeling rejected, sidelined, blocked from progress, or cast into the role of an outsider. Perhaps it results from an illness; perhaps from a life event such as a bereavement or the birth of a child; perhaps it comes from a humiliation or failure. Perhaps you’re in a period of transition, and have temporarily fallen between two worlds. Some winterings creep upon us more slowly, accompanying the protracted death of a relationship, the gradual ratcheting up of caring responsibilities as our parents age, the drip-drip-drip of lost confidence. Some are appallingly sudden, like discovering one day that your skills are considered obsolete, the company you worked for has gone bankrupt, or your partner is in love with someone new. However it arrives, wintering is usually involuntary, lonely, and deeply painful. Yet it is also inevitable. We like to imagine that it’s possible for life to be one eternal summer, and that we have uniquely failed to achieve that for ourselves.” “Plants and animals don’t fight the winter; they don’t pretend it’s not happening and attempt to carry on living the same lives that they lived in the summer. They prepare. They adapt. They perform extraordinary acts of metamorphosis to get them through. Winter is a time of withdrawing from the world, maximizing scant resources, carrying out acts of brutal efficiency and vanishing from sight; but that’s where the transformation occurs. Winter is not the death of the life cycle, but its crucible. Once we stop wishing it were summer, winter can be a glorious season when the world takes on a sparse beauty, and even the pavements sparkle. It’s a time for reflection and recuperation, for slow replenishment, for putting your house in order.” “That’s what humans do: we make and remake our stories, abandoning the ones that no longer fit and trying on new ones for size.” “In the changing room later, I experience a different kind of warmth: the nakedness of a dozen women, all unashamed. These aren’t the posing bodies you find on the beach, dieted beyond al joy to be bikini-ready, and tanned as an act of disguise. These are northern bodies, slack-bottomed and dimpling, with unruly pubic hair and the scars of hysterectomies, chattering companionably in a language I don’t understand. They are a glimpse of life yet to come: a message of survival, passed on through the generations. It’s a message I rarely find in my buttoned-up home country, and I think about the times I’ve suffered silent furies at the treacheries of my own body, imagining them to be unique.” “Ghost stories may be a part of the terror of Halloween, but our love of ghost stories betrays a far more fragile desire: that we do not fade so easily from this life.” “Winter has decorated ordinary life. Some days, everything sparkles.” “You realize that no one is what they look like, on the surface. Everybody has their dose of suffering; it’s just more hidden in some than in others.” “I think about this a lot, she says, the needle breaks the fabric in order to repair it. You can’t have one without the other.” “In the absence of sunlight, it would be too costly to maintain the machinery of growth.” “I’m fairly certain that my decision not to have a second child rests squarely on my worship of sleep.” “I have nothing to show for my forty-odd years on this earth, except for a pile of dusty books.” “4am. The ego flares like a struck match: bright, blue, fleeting. I am thankful to be alone when this happens, to let it burn out in private. We should sometimes be grateful for the solitudes of night, of a winter. They save us from displaying our worse selves to the waking world.” “Certainty is a dead space in which there’s no more room to grow. Wavering is painful. I’m glad to be travelling between the two.” “Sometimes writing is a race against your own mind, as your hand labours to keep up with the flood tide of your thoughts, and I feel that most acutely at night, when there are no competing demands on my attention. That slightly sleepy, dazed state erods the barriers of my waking brain.” “I can confess all my sins to a piece of paper, with no one to censor it.” “Our personal winters are so often accompanies by insomnia, but perhaps we are still drawn towards that unique space of intimacy and contemplation, darkness, and silence, without really knowing what we’re seeking. Perhaps, after all, we are being urged towards our own comfort.” “Lucy is a symbol of absolute faith and utter purity, but the sins for which she suffers are not her own. Instead, she shoulders the weight of the male gaze, and is destroyed by it.” “Some winters creep up on us so slowly that they have infiltrated every part of our lives before we truly feel them.” “We felt broken into pieces, but at the same time, never so loved.” “We changed our focus away from pushing through with normal life, and towards making a new one. When everything is broken, everything is also up for grabs. That’s the gift of winter: it’s irresistible. Change will happen in its wake, whether we like it or not. We can come out of it wearing a different coat.” “I could have stood there and cried on the spot, just knowing that I wasn’t alone.” “I felt accepted in a way that I hand’t for months.” “This isn’t just an unkind attitude, it does us harm, because it stops us from learning that disaster happens, and how to adapt when it does. It stops us from reaching out to people who are suffering. And, when our own disaster comes, it forces us into a humiliated retreat, as we try to hunt down mistakes that we never made in the first place.” “I simply had no defence against the changes that were happening in my life.” “Life never does quite offer us those simply happy endings. I often that that it’s all part of my own craving: the moral clarity of cause and effect, reward and punishment for my actions. A map for living that renders everything explicable.” “All her desires were for elemental things: love, a little comfort, the society of interesting people. Everyday life is so often isolated, dreary, and lonely. A little craving is understandable. A little craving might actually be the rallying cry for survival.” “I love the inconvenience [of snow] the same way that I can sneakingly love a bad cold: the irresistible disruption to mundane life, forcing you to stop for a while and step outside of your normal habits.” “In autumn, the male drones are sacrificed because they’re no longer of any use, and would otherwise just be hungry mounts to feed.” “Our lives take different shapes: we do not work in a linear progression through fixed roles like the honeybee. We are not consistently useful to the world at large. We talk about the complexity of the hive, but human societies are infinitely more complex, full of choices and mistakes, periods of glory and seasons of utter despair. Some of us make highly visible, elaborate contributions to the whole; some of us are just part of the ticking mechanics of the world, the incremental wealth of small gestures. All of it matters. All of it weaves the wider fabric that binds us.” “We may sometimes drift through years in which we feel like a negative presence in the world, but we come back again, not only restored, but bringing more than we brought before: more wisdom, more compassion, a greater capacity to reach deep into our roots and know that we will find water.” “Usefulness, in itself, is a useless concept when it comes to humans. I don’t think we were ever meant to think about others in terms of their use to us.” “We flourish on caring, on doling out love.” “Winter is a time for the quiet arts of making: for knitting and sewing, baking and simmering, repairing and restoring our homes.” “We sing because it fills our lungs with nourishing air, and lets our heart soar with the notes we let out. We sing because it allows us to speak of love and loss, delight and desire, all encoded in lyrics that let us pretend that those feelings are not quite ours.” “As I walk, I remind myself ot the words of Alan Watts: ‘To hold your breath is to lose your breath.’ In The Wisdom of Insecurity, Watts makes a case that always convinces me, but which I always seem to forget: that life is, by nature, uncontrollable. That we should stop trying to finalize our comfort and security somehow, and instead find a radical acceptance of the endless, unpredictable change that is the very essence of this life. Our suffering, he says, comes from the fight we put up against this fundamental truth: ‘Running away from fear is fear, fighting pain is pain, trying to be brave is being scared. If the mind is in pain, the mind is in pain. The thinker has no other form than his thought. There is no escape.” “The future, to which we devote so much of our brainpower, is an unstable element, entirely unknowable.” “When we endlessly ruminate in these distant times, we miss extraordinary things in the present moment. They are, in actual fact, all we have: the here and now; the direct perception of our senses.” “I’m beginning to think that unhappiness is one of the simple things in life: a pure, basic emotion to be respected, if not savoured. I would never dream of suggesting that we should wallow in misery, or shrink from doing everything we can to alleviate it; but I do think it’s instructive. After all, unhappiness has a function: it tells us that something is going wrong. If we don’t allow ourselves the fundamental honesty of our own sadness, then we miss an important cue to adapt. We seem to be living in an age when we’re bombarded with entreaties to be happy, but we’re suffering from an avalanche of depression; we’re urged to stop sweating the small stuff, and yet we’re chronically anxious. I often wonder if these are just normal feelings that become monstrous when they’re denied. A great deal of life will always suck. There will be moments when we’re riding high, and moments when we can’t bear to get out of bed. Both are normal. Both, in fact, require a little perspective.” “We need friends who wince along with our pain, who tolerate our gloom, and who allow us to be weak for a while when we’re finding our feet again. We need people who acknowledge that we can’t always hang on in there; that sometimes, everything breaks.” “I recognized winter. I saw it coming (a mile off, since you ask), and I looked it in the eye,. I greeted it, and let it in. I had some tricks up my sleeve, you see. I’ve learned them the hard way. When I started feeling the drag of winter, I began to treat myself like a favoured child: with kindness and love. I assumed my needs were reasonable, and that my feelings were signals of something important.” “We tend to imagine that our lives are linear, but they are in fact cyclical. I would not, or course, seek to deny that we grow gradually older, but while doing so, we pass through phases of good health and ill, of optimism and deep doubt, of freedom and constraint.”

#winter #books #quotes #katherine may

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shoutoismybaby · 5 years

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Bakugous crush gets hit on...

Im on mobile so sorry for the weird set-up

Warnings for Cusing and Physical Violence

***

Bakugou had developed a crush on you since the day you got snarky with him over yelling at Izuku. Izuku had stepped on his foot on accident, setting the blonde off into another one of his rage fits. Usually, this was something you would have ignored, like the rest of the class that had become accustomed to his outbursts. But the night before you had stayed up watching Netflix, meaning you had gotten no sleep. Which lead to your tolerance level for the day plummeting to an all-time low. He hadn't even noticed as you pushed yourself out of your seat until you were standing in front of him, jabbing a finger at his chest and causing him to stumble back a few inches. He had opened his mouth the yell at you, but you simply interrupted him.

“Do you EVER shut up?” It took him a couple of seconds to register just what was going on, just like the rest of the class. They had never seen you angry before. “You are so fucking extra! It's 7, AM, it’s too early for your bullshit, Bakugou. Some of us didn’t sleep well last night and would like some peace and quiet. It’s not us ‘extras’ fault no one listens to you at home.”

With that you turned around on the ball of your foot, ponytail smacking him across the face. Almost emphasizing your point in a way. Everyone watched as you sat back down in your seat and took this as a warning to never piss you off.

That was the day he began to remember your name, and start thinking about you outside of class. It was annoying to him for a while that he couldn't seem to get you out of his head. Every time he went out with his friends, he wondered if you would somehow run into them. Each time he tried a new food, his brain wanted to know if you would like it. Every time you changed something about yourself, such as your hairstyle, he would notice. And he couldn’t stop thinking about it until he fell asleep at night.

It didn’t register in his head that he had a crush on you for a while. Not until Mina had been gushing about a boy she had met at a coffee shop, talking about how she never stopped thinking about him. As soon as it hit him that he viewed you the same way Mina viewed the random barista, he interrupted the whole conversation with-

“If any of you extras ask out (F/n) (L/n), I will kill you.”

And that soon became the unspoken rule of the class.

Not only did people not want Bakugou to target them, most of them also thought that you two would make a cute couple. You seemed to balance each other out. He was very aggressive, and you were typically passive. However, you could kick Bakugou off of his high horse if you needed to. And that's what he liked most about you. Not only were you cute, but you also had a backbone.

Unfortunately for him, he wasn’t the only guy to notice this. It was rare that the class could go one day without someone who didn’t know about Bakugou's threat hitting on you. Not that they would do it twice, considering Bakugou made sure they were aware of the threat soon after.

Many people wondered why Bakugou didn’t just ask you out. When asked, he simply yelled at them that it was none of their business. In reality, he didn’t think you felt the same way as him, and he didn’t really want to create the awkwardness that would come with you rejecting him.

Until you changed his mind of course.

It was about 30 minutes before class, and Bakugou was wondering the halls in an attempt to get rid of the extras he occasionally thought of as friends. He had passed the classroom he spent most of his time in, 1-A, only to backtrack when he realized the door was open. Aizawa was always late, so why would the door be open? He almost charged in to yell at whoever was in there when he heard your voice.

“Oh, you think so?” He snuck over to the opening of the door and peeked around it. You were holding a textbook, Hero Laws Volume 2 if Bakugou recalled correctly, and using it as a flat surface to write on next to his desk. Why you weren't just using his desk to write on, he didn't know.

But the person in front of his desk is what made him lose his cool. It was a third-year boy, and from the look at his stance, he was trying to make a move.

Bakugou contemplated busting in and interrupting the whole conversation, but it would be too obvious what he was trying to do. And you would have questions he couldn't answer. So he waited,

“Yeah, I think we would end up being both the cutest and the most powerful couple on campus.” This statement caused Bakugou's blood to boil, and you to freeze. It took you a moment to regain your bearings,

“You just met me yesterday,” You scoffed, rolling your eyes as you bent over and set the textbook down on Bakugou's desk, beginning to sign your name on the paper that sat on top of it.

“I don’t see how that matters,” the boy replied, closing the distance between you two. But you hadn’t noticed, focusing too much on making your name neat and wishing you hadn't chosen to write with a pen. “It doesn’t change my feelings.”

It was then that you regretted taking your eyes off the boy as you jumped, his hand has made its way to your bum, giving it a squeeze you did not give permission to.

Bakugou at this point began to run into the room so that he could kill the son of a bitch, only to have you beat him to it.

Letting go of the pen, you had picked up the textbook. Allowing the paper to fly off as the large book connected with the jerk's face. Knocking him out cold instantly. Bakugou watched for a moment as you stood there, face red and quickly looking up at him. He was in the middle of the room now, frozen. Seeing your panic, he took a deep breath.

“Are you okay?” He asked, attempting to use an indifferent tone.

“Um, yeah. I was just… I wasn't expecting that.” You sighed, dropping the book and crossing your arms over your chest. “Do you think he’s okay?”

“Is he okay?! Are you kidding me?” Bakugou's anger instantly came back. Why did you care about the pervert who just assaulted you?

“I..” You trailed off, seeming unable to come up with a response. THough your mind was racing. You instantly felt uncomfortable in your own skin, and all of the confidence you had talked into yourself that morning quickly crumbled. You felt too exposed. Too vulnerable.

Even though you were the one who had caused your attacker to be unconscious on the floor. Something about having your bodily autonomy invaded, even though some wouldn't have found it to be that big of a deal, made you want to scrub your body with soap over and over. You felt invaded. All you wanted to do at that moment was to go home. Maybe cry.

You weren't sure. Your thoughts were rushing by you so fast you weren't sure how to react. Maybe you were still in shock.

Bakugou's eyes narrowed as he took in your form. You had curled into yourself, making you seem small and fragile. It was a state he had never seen you in before. So scared and uncomfortable.

It made him angry. This lowlife had no right to touch you, much less even look at you. He was luckily that you would most likely prevent Bakugou from murdering him then and there.

But the look in your eyes made Bakugou realize that he could deal with that douche later. He needed to be there for you right now. He slowly approached you and began picking things up from the floor. The pen, the textbook. These were sat on his desk before he gently grabbed your wrist, finally feeling the small shake that your body was emitting. He murmured some gruff assurances under his breath as he pushed you backwards with little force, and lead you to sit down in his chair.

You seemed dazed and stuck in your own world, so Bakugou did what he does best.

“Hey!” He yelled, “Snap out of this stupid daze thing and go back to being your normal self. You're too strong to even be worried about an extra like that. You could have blasted him into next week if you had wanted to, so stop freaking out!”

At his outburst, you flinched slightly and blinked a few times. Bakugou almost worried that he made things worse before you let out a breath neither of you knew you were holding.

“You’re right Bakugou-Kun. Thank you.” You took another couple breaths before the color seemed to return to your face. You weren't sure why, but Bakugou's yelling always seemed to ground you when you began to panic. Whether in class for a test, or in the field for training. Even if he didn't know it, and wasn't even screaming at you. Something about it always made your brain stop and slow down.

That was part of the reason you were even in class this early anyways. That thought made your eyes widen. Where did that paper go?!

“Tch, whatever. You were freaking out for no reason, it pissed me off,” he responded nonchalantly. He noticed that your eyes started to search the room. He found what you were probably looking for, the paper from earlier, near the blackboard. “This what you're looking for?”

He started to walk over to it, stopping when you let out a squeak.

“You don't have to grab it for me Bakugou, I can get it myself.” You were pushing yourself up quickly in an attempt to stop him. But he didn’t stop.

“Sit back down you shitty girl! Its a piece of paper you idiot, also stop calling me Bakugou.” He growled out. You were prepared to argue with him over the paper, but the last thing he said stopped you in your tracks.

“What should I call you then?” Your brows furrowed,

“My name, katsuki, dumbass.” it was then that he knelt down to pick up the paper.

“Katsuki..” You tested the name out, enjoying how it sounded in your mouth. Unaware he felt the same way, he looked the paper over, but at this point, you were too distracted with the name change to remember that you didn't want him to see it. “Why do you want me to call you by your first name?”

Your question went unanswered, causing you to cock your head.

Bakugou had recognized his name written neatly at the top, and read through the love letter. The love letter that had your name written neatly at the bottom.

Reality slapped you in the face once more and your heart dropped into your stomach.

“(Y/n),” His face was almost matched his eyes as he looked back at you, and blood quickly rushed to your own face so that it matched his in hue.

“I'm sorry-”

“You could have just texted me. It would have been easier you idiot.” Your wide eyes darted up to meet his.

“What?’ You stuttered the simple word and watched as he crumpled the paper, tossing it into the wastebasket across the room perfectly.

“Did that idiot steel your brain cells or something? I’m saying I’ll go out with you, stupid girl!”

“Oh,” A soft smile fell upon your lips, “I’m glad.”

“Well of course you are! I'm THE Katsuki Bakugou, any girl would be lucky to have me.” He huffed, crossing his arms as you giggled. He looked away from you trying to hide his blush and spotted the jerk that was still snoozing away on the floor. You followed his eyes and sighed,

“What should we do with him?” You asked,

“There's 20 minutes before class starts,” Katsuki stated, his eyes meeting yours. You paused and furrowed your brows.

“...So?”

“Let's go get some breakfast.” he stuck his hands into his pocket and started to walk.

“We’re just leaving him?” You rushed after him, careful to not step on the 3rd year.

“Yeah, you have a problem with that?” He growled, you just smiled wider and hooked your arm around his.

“Not at all,” You pressed a kiss to his cheek, laughing at the way his face turned red once more.

***

#katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugo x you #bakugou katsuki x reader #mha x reader #mha x you #bnha x y/n #bnha x reader #bnha x you #nesawrites

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thesibyllinebooks · 4 years

Text

The New Yorkers (Part 26)

Percy opened the door to Annabeth’s apartment. He shut the door with his foot. Annabeth didn’t even look up. She sat with her feet propped up on the coffee table, alternating between staring at her laptop and the textbook next to her.

Kicking off his shoes, Percy kissed Annabeth on the forehead and joined her on the couch. She’d been pretty quiet ever since their return from Camp Half-Blood a few days ago. Thankfully, her siblings had heard her out and voted to vacate the Athena Cabin. They’d admitted to Annabeth Athena hadn’t been much of a mother to them either, so when it came to choosing her or choosing to hopefully end a war, it wasn’t much of a choice to make. Annabeth’s sister Sophia had promised to alert the rest of the camp that same evening. Percy knew Annabeth had wanted to stay and deliver the message herself but Chiron had encouraged them to leave and allow the current campers to handle it, as that was how things were meant to be. Annabeth, never the type to want someone to do something she could do herself, was taking it hard.

“You’re like a dog,” Annabeth sighed, looking down as Percy cuddled up to her and put his head in her lap, nearly knocking her laptop off her legs.

“I missed you, so sue me,” Percy said. He breathed in Annabeth’s lemony smell.

“You saw me this morning,” Annabeth pointed out. At this point, Percy sleeping over was pretty common. Annabeth of course didn’t mind. He couldn’t imagine Jason or Piper were upset about it either.

Percy glanced at the clock under the TV. “Yeah, but that was a whole ten hours ago,” he whined.

Despite herself, Annabeth glanced down at her boyfriend and smiled. He was such a doofus. She put her fingers in his hair. “You know,” she said slowly. “Your lease is up in July and I was thinking...”

“Is Annabeth- I like my space- Chase asking me to move in with her?” Percy said, faking an expression of awe.

“Shut up,” Annabeth said back. “I mean you’re always over here anyway. And... it was going to happen eventually.”

“What makes you think that?” he asked. When Annabeth’s face went red with embarrassment, Percy laughed. He squeezed her tighter. “I’m just joking. Of course, I’d love to move in with you, Wise Girl. As long as you don’t mind a little mess.” Truly, Percy was excited to live with Annabeth. He looked forward to the fun parts like blowing up the kitchen while trying to cook together, and cuddling and watching movies. He didn’t exactly look forward to fighting over who left the toilet lid up, or their differing levels of cleanliness.

Annabeth shook her head. “I know who I’m dating.”

“Well, at least you’ll have someone around to make sure you eat. I’m sure you’ve been studying all day,” Percy said. “Speaking of which, I ordered a pizza on the way home.”

Annabeth nodded absentmindedly. Even though his gestures were usually small, Annabeth couldn’t ever get enough of how thoughtful Percy was. “Well, you know I have that huge honors paper on the evolution of Revivalism,” Annabeth said.

Percy nodded. He reached across Annabeth to move her textbook out of the way. “I also know you drown yourself in books and studying when you’re stressed out,” he said gently.

Annabeth sighed. “No, Percy. I have work to do,” Annabeth persisted. “Not everything is about-”

“I know, I know,” Percy said. “I just think- you know, based on the last two wars... I’d hate if we lost ourselves again. Not that I don’t care and I’m not worried, but we can’t let it consume our whole lives.”

Annabeth’s expression softened. She knew her boyfriend was right. Stewing on the matter wasn’t going to help anything, especially if there was nothing that could be done in the moment. Sophia and Chiron were handling things at camp.

“I know, Percy. But my mind wanders and then I feel guilty for not worrying sometimes even though I know worrying isn’t going to fix anything.”

“I get it. But we deserve lives, too. Chiron was right. We’ve made it this far, so we should be at least somewhat happy.” As if on cue, the doorbell rang. Percy let go of Annabeth and got up to open it. After he exchanged a few nice words with the pizza guy, he returned to the living room and set the box on the table. Annabeth got up to get plates.

“Hey, I’m going to change real quick.” Percy called.

“Okay.” It made Annabeth happy to know that in a few months, she and Percy would be living together full-time. Instead of him having a few changes of clothes in her apartment, all his things would be there. They’d be living like a real couple, happy and discovering life. If the gods’ alternative plans didn’t completely destroy their lives first. Annabeth tried to push the though out of her mind. She couldn’t think about that. She couldn’t give attention to her mother either, or else Athena’s presence would start to grow again.

Annabeth plopped down on the couch. She opened the pizza box. Only when she smelled the food did she realize she hadn’t eaten since she’d come home that afternoon. Her mind had been reeling about schoolwork, and Percy, and everything else. Hazel had IMed and promised she’d get back in touch when Frank returned from Camp Jupiter in two days. Annabeth tried to take Percy’s advice. After all, it was a Friday night. They should be doing what any other young couple did- watch movies, hang out, just love each other. After all, who knew how much time they had left? Annabeth hoped it was eternity, but she knew better than almost anyone the next day wasn’t promised.

Percy walked back into the living room. He stopped when he noticed Annabeth staring at him dumbly. She sat there, frozen, her plate in one hand a pizza slice in the other. “What?” Percy asked.

“We should get married,” Annabeth blurted out.

Percy stared at Annabeth, mouth agape. It was unexpected but he knew she wasn’t joking. “Um, not that I don’t want to marry you, but where did that come from?” Percy asked cautiously, sitting next to her on the couch. He had half a mind to lay his hand on her forehead to see if she had a fever.

Annabeth shrugged. “I mean, we love each other,” she said casually. “And it’s not like we haven’t talked about it.”

“Yeah,” Percy agreed. He reached for a piece of pizza, trying not to make it obvious he was in absolute shock. “When we were older. And besides, we can’t get married before Hazel and Frank. That would be kind of rude.”

Annabeth pursed her lips like she hadn’t thought about that. “We could just go to the courthouse or something, Percy,” Annabeth suggested. “I don’t want the whole big wedding thing. I just want you. We don’t even have to tell them just yet.”

Percy was silent. He was thinking about how to approach the situation gently. Just minutes ago, Annabeth had asked him to move in, and now she wanted him to marry her. Both things had been completely out of the blue. Even though he loved Annabeth probably more than he loved himself, he knew she wasn’t just asking because she was eager to take their relationship to the next step. She was stressed, and scared, and wanting to grab hold to Percy in any way she could.

“You think I’m going to leave you,” Percy realized. “And I’m not. I swear it on the River Styx.”

Annabeth’s eyebrows wrinkled. “Percy, don’t,” she said quietly.

“But that’s why you’re asking, isn’t it? Because you’re scared.”

Annabeth stopped chewing. “I mean, I also love you, but don’t let that be a deciding factor,” she said bitterly.

“Of course, I know that,” Percy said, trying to keep cool. “But I also know that you think whenever things get a little difficult, I think about leaving you. I never do, you have to trust me on that.”

Annabeth didn’t know what to say. By the look on her face, Percy knew he was right. “I’m just saying it wouldn’t hurt,” she persisted. “Even if I know you aren’t going to leave me, it would feel even better to have something-”

“Permanent?” Percy guessed, thinking back to the conversations they had when they were teenagers. After everything that had happened, that seemed like decades ago.

Annabeth nodded. She didn’t have anything else to say.

Admitted, things had been moving quickly since they’d gotten their memories of each other back. Things still felt new to Percy since he had to go through meeting Annabeth all over again, but things also felt very much the same. He didn’t know how to explain it well. He’d become accustomed to only dating her for a few months, only to realize they’d been together for years, and best friends longer than that. They had talked about marriage, and kids, and being a family, so Annabeth wasn’t out of line to bring it up again. And, shocked as he was, Percy would be a liar if he said he didn’t want those things too. What could it hurt if it happened a little earlier than planned?

“I’m not upset,” Percy assured her. “These last few months have been crazy but I get how you feel. I know it’s like we just lost each other, so things feel kind of fragile. But I promise it’s only made me love you more.”

Annabeth finally turned to look at him. “I love you too, Percy,” she said. There was still anticipation in her voice, like she was still waiting for her question to be answered.

Percy sighed and leaned back on the couch. “I always thought I’d be the one to propose,” he started with a small smile. “I mean I figured I’d goof it up but still. I didn’t think it would come from you sitting on the couch looking like an absolute bum eating pizza.”

Annabeth hit him on the shoulder, but a smile crept across her face. “I mean, when have we ever done anything the normal way?”

Percy shrugged. He stared at his girlfriend- well, his soon to be wife. He couldn’t help but smile at the unexpected thought. “Good point. I guess we shouldn’t start now. Let’s do it, Annabeth. Let’s get married.”

#the new yorkers #percabeth #you can have some fluff...as a treat #percy jackson #annabeth chase #pjo fanfic #heroes of olympus

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tubbyliltuna · 4 years

Text

.home // thorin oakenshield x reader.

Just a little something I wrote on another website awhile ago, throwing it out here. I love the hobbit, but I’m always too scared to really write for it.

No warnings. Just fluff.

❤️

It was cold along the peaks of the wilderness, whether it was summer, spring, fall, nor winter, chilling specks continued to gracefully fall in a slow rain, landing deftly onto your shoulder and dotting wet spots as it melted away from the radiating warmth of your body that shivered. But it wouldn't be long until you would be at the foot-holds again, planted firmly on solid ground that would't strike a constant worry of crumbling from beneath you, and miles closer to Lake Town, the ruins of the once great city of Dale, and the walls of the destination - Erebor. The Lonely Mountiain, a peak ever so high that the tip pierced through the rolling clouds and could have touched Heaven, one that sat alone in a strategic position and the halls delved deep into the Earth for miles on end, flowing with treasures beyond a wild dream that the sin Greed himself could ever dream. Of course, it wasn't all gold and jewels that lay inside, but the memories that were made and cherished, and the ones that never had the chance to be before the dragon Smaug terrorized the land and made the home of your friends his own only to cure his lust. Though most would believe it had been the hunger - a sickness - for more that Thror, Thorin's grandfather, that bought their demise upon them with the dragon, for the creatures love it beyond anything else and that the two species were not so different after all and though at times you would become so frustrated with them all and their stubbornness that you would mindlessly and inwardly agree, you had to disagree more so often.

Dwarfs were stubborn beyond belief; rude; ill-mannered; hot-headed; unsightly, and your list could go on for hours and if it were on paper it would drag for miles, but they're also kind in their own special way; understanding to suffering; joyous in dark times, and loyal to a fault, and everything beyond anything you could have asked for in friends. The same could be said for the timid, yet growing, Hobbit - Bilbo Baggins - and the Wizard, Gandalf, the both of them showing to be just the same, and equally reliable.

Though, you all had your secrets - perhaps except little Bilbo(and you say little with you standing a head taller than the tallest Dwarf) - and that was understandable, and of course, they weren't all accepting to you at first, being a friend of Gandalf who was neither a wizard, nor warrior, nor blacksmith, nor ... anything of that sort really. You were a ranger, to be exact, and stealth was your main key, and while the Hobbit was the burglar, you were the hunter. Not much was known about you; you weren't in any books, never made history, no kings or queens knew your name, nothing fancy of the sort, and perhaps that's exactly why they were so distant and quiet towards you. They had nothing to go by for the start except for your meeting - a smile, a greeting and a bow where you hood clumsily flipped up onto your head, and a disbelieving glance from all of them that you were what you are. But Gandalf knew better, having known you since you were a child, meeting you one day when you were lost and threatening him in a small voice(you were the stubborn child!), but nothing of the sort swayed Thorin or sat well with the Dwarf prince. You were a woman, you were a stranger, and he wanted no liability to risk the life of his kin or the fate of their quest, because the 'burglar' was filling that position well enough.

You and the Wizard devised a plan right behind Thorins back - literally, with simple looks, you knew what to do and you departed with none of them noticing, only catching a sigh of relief with your keen ears from the Dwarf before you disappeared into the woods. But you followed, you tagged, laying back into the shadows, on foot as it would be too noticeable to ride a horse, and though you were extremely tired at the end of the day, you were successful, only being spotted twice by Bilbo(who's shaping up to be quiet the burglar if you could say so yourself). You were no stranger to each race, having studied them a lot in your free time as a child, aside form hunting, and Hobbit's have keen ears, wonderful eyesight and the ability to go unseen, and you were quiet envious of them having it naturally, having had to work on it yourself, but he never said anything, obviously figuring Gandalf wanted you to come for a good specific reason, and you were grateful he was using his head.

Thorin was furious when he found out, down right angry that this had been going on for a whole month, behind his back, but his trust in the Wizard never swayed or faded, only his distrust in your growing to the max. You figured that would happen, so it didn't upset you completely, especially with the fact you had saved his holiar-than-thou rumpus when he found out, so that could have upped your chances of being accepted. Though time went on, and the Company's weariness of you faded, slowly and painfully as you proved to be useful to them; finding their food, safer routes, taking food from stalls when you passed through small towns(though you pinned that one on Bilbo to help his status as their burglar, and you're proud to admit you taught him some things and he put them to good use sometimes), being the back-up defense in battles or the 'secret' weapon which you found a bit skeptical but you didn't like fighting much anyway so you dealt with it easily. You preferred to be at a good distance of your target, never having to actually get close to them, because - as everyone had found out - looking your prey in the face made it impossible for you to kill it or them, and that was your weakness.

Now here you stood; chapped lips parted and white puffs of warm breath rolling up through the bitter and bleak sky, your feet paused on a high rock that over looked the horizon and out above the world from the peak in the wilderness you and the Company now passed on, your chest heaving with baited breath and a lump in your throat from the dry air as your eyes scanned out slowly, drinking in the sight for both danger and for your own pleasure. It was beautiful, despite being cold, but you grew up in a part of the world that didn't get snow - below the Shire - and while you had been in places where winter fell, it was never like this. Beautiful, and pure white like it was slowly cleansing the world of all the evil that had been done to it, purifying the earth of wanton blood spill, and while the thought was extremely naive and short-lived, it brought a warm smile through the harsh onto your lips until you caught something in the distance. It looked so small, so fragile from where you stood as the clouds rolled slowly like molasses past it, the grey foggy color splitting and fading, showing the large majestic mountain to look like a simple rolling hill that would be spotted in a pasture for horses. But it was so much for than that, and it caused your lungs to expand quickly, sharply, like the ragged edges that out-lined the sides and bottoms of it. One word escaped your mouth, something dry and raspy one that contained three simple syllables;

"Erebor,"

It was immediately after the word that seemed to echo in the silence escaped your mouth, the sound of feet stopped and the sound of murmuring quieted to nothing, only the whistling of the steady wind ringing in your ears and you heard something foreign and harsh a few feet beside you, causing your head to whip around. It was Thorin, the prince himself, gazing past you, his eyes that held a storm in both emotion and color resting solid on the distant mountain, but your eyes narrowed questioningly as his irises landed on your face. "Home," and every expression on your face dropped, faster that a fresh branding iron that landed on your hand, setting in one of shock and awe.

You knew that language; the harsh and sharp, tongue cutting sounds that escaped the mouths of the Dwarfs ever so often, but more Bifur than anyone else since that was all the poor man was capable of. It was their native tongue, one of their most prized and secretive things. Of course, it was no secret to you what it sounded like, but you never understood a single word of it - it wasn't something they taught to other races, or even enjoyed hearing them speak, and the curl that crossed the princes pale and cracked lips was warm and comfortable, defying everything the air and temperature around you stood for, completely contrary to it and it was genuine. It made you happy, safe even, seeing something so rare come onto his features that are usually so sullen and irritated, and you couldn't help the one that begin to twitch at the corners of your mouth, the spasm in your muscles as a slight stinging crossed over your eyes.

"Thorin - "

And he returned it, slowly turning as a sense of pride and welcoming washed over every fiber in your body, his eyes trained on you even over his shoulders before his face completely left your view, facing the cold white of the world once again, and the wonderful Company who watched in amusement and listened in wonder. "It is Home."

#the hobbit #thorin #thorin oakenshield #thorin x reader #the hobbit x reader #readerinsert #thorin oakenshield x reader

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back-and-totheleft · 4 years

Text

Oliver Stone thinks Hollywood is crazy

Beginning in 1986 with the release of his films “Salvador” and “Platoon,” Oliver Stone kicked off a decade-long run of remarkable success. Many of the controversial and stylistically brash films that he made during this era were box-office hits and established Stone, who twice won the Academy Award for best director, as a bold generational voice. While films like “Wall Street” and “Natural Born Killers” didn’t have a particularly nuanced take on the rotten amorality at our society’s core, and the treatment of the country’s self-deceptions in “Born on the Fourth of July” and “J.F.K.” wasn’t especially subtle, no one could deny that Stone’s work spoke directly to America’s dreams and nightmares. Since then, though, the director’s standing as a finger-on-the-pulse filmmaker has been gradually subsumed by the image of him as a political provocateur, thanks to his documentaries about the likes of Fidel Castro and Vladimir Putin. But it’s the long lead-up to that golden year of 1986 that is the focus of Stone’s upcoming memoir, “Chasing the Light,” in which all his questionable bravado and self-admitted insecurity are on full display. “I never wanted arguments,” Stone says. “I never wanted to provoke. I was just seeking the truth.” You’ve made a lot of movies and documentaries based on other people’s lives. Did that experience help you tell the story of your own?

Well, I thought of the book as having the structure of a novel. You set up a problem in the first chapter: The protagonist is in a box. He’s in New York City, 1976. He’s broke. He feels like a failure and has to take his whole life into account. Then the novel winds its way into the 1986 period. It’s a picaresque. It’s a bit like a Thackeray novel. Should I be reading into the fact that you’re calling your memoir a novel and referring to yourself in the third person?

You can read what you want. It is “me,” but you have to distance yourself from yourself. That’s not to say you’re fictionalizing. If I write another book, which I hope to do, it’d be nice to get closer to where I am now. I’m not there yet. Making a film to close out your life? I don’t know. There might be a way. There have been some very nice farewell films. Mr. Kurosawa did “Rhapsody in August” — a very nice and gentle film. Would you close out your life with a nice and gentle film?

You think I’m so ungentle? I don’t know if gentle is how I’d describe your sensibility.

Fair enough. But even in “Natural Born Killers,” if you look closely there’s a tenderness there between Juliette and Woody. Or the Bush movie that I did, “W.”— at the end, it’s very tender with him and Laura. I know you’ve felt marginalized by Hollywood in the past. Do you still?

I don’t think they think about me. I don’t feel bitter about it. “Savages” was my last movie in the mainstream, so to speak. I thought it was mainstream, and Universal did too, up until they distributed it. They decided to move it at the last second from fall to summer. So they put us in the middle of a schedule that was pretty tough. “Ted” was there. Remember that movie? It was hilarious. You don’t want to open against “Ted.” I do still get offered stuff, but I’m not inspired to make a movie. I don’t feel anything inside me, fire for going through that pain and misery. The last film I did was “Snowden.” It was so difficult to make. We struggled to get financing — I believe — because of the subject matter. But I’m still keeping my hand in with documentaries. I am working on two right now. One is on J.F.K. Since the film came out in 1991, there’s been quite a bit of new material revealed that people have basically ignored. It’s a hell of a story. “J.F.K.: Destiny Betrayed” is what we call it. Then I’m starting “A Bright Future,” which is about the benefits of clean energy, which includes nuclear energy. These are documentary subjects and aren’t necessarily going to be popular, but they’re important to me. Are you poking the hornet’s nest by going back to J.F.K.?

I’m not scared of that. I’m past that age. I don’t need to make a Hollywood movie. I don’t need to get the approval of the bosses.

Do you think you’ve made your last Hollywood film?

I would have no problem doing another one, but I don’t feel it right now. Frankly, I did 20, and I got worn out. You had about a 10-year period, starting with “Salvador” and “Platoon” and going up to “Natural Born Killers” or “Nixon,” when your films felt like these major statements on the country and the culture. When that zeitgeist-y period ended, which it inevitably does for artists, did it change how you approached your work?

I recognize the impact I had, but at the same time I enjoyed doing the films I did afterward. In 1999 I did “Any Given Sunday.” I get so much attention for that. “World Trade Center” was one of my most successful films financially. So the parade continued. The problem is in Hollywood. It’s just so expensive — the marketing. Everything has become too fragile, too sensitive. Hollywood now — you can’t make a film without a Covid adviser. You can’t make a film without a sensitivity counselor. It’s ridiculous. Why is that ridiculous?

The Academy changes its mind every five, 10, two months about what it’s trying to keep up with. It’s politically correct [expletive], and it’s not a world I’m anxious to run out into. I’ve never seen it quite mad like this. It’s like an “Alice in Wonderland” tea party. In what respect?

Oh, David, don’t go there. That’s going to be your headline. You know, I just read something about how films are going to be very expensive to make now, because you need to take all these precautions, and a 50-day shoot becomes a 60-day shoot, and social distancing for actors. That’s what I’m talking about.

Tell me more about your J.F.K. documentary. Is there a big revelation in it that you can share?

I would be doing an injustice to say there’s one big one. There’s no smoking gun. It’s accretion of detail, David. Please watch the film when it’s out, and write me an email when you see it, and tell me if there’s cogency in it. Does it turn out that the bullet went back and to the right?

We can make fun, but let me give you some quick points about what is in the documentary: There’s no chain of custody on the magic bullet, which is called CE-399. There’s also no chain of custody on this damn rifle, the Mannlicher-Carcano, which Lee Harvey Oswald was accused of shooting. I don’t want to go into the details, but we can’t account for who was in possession of the bullets and the rifle at various times. It’s a mess. Then we got more detail than ever showing that there was a huge back-of-the-head wound in Kennedy, which clearly indicates a shot from the front. It’s also clear that the autopsy from Bethesda, Md., was completely fraudulent. And there’s Vietnam. No historian can now honestly say that the Vietnam War was Kennedy’s child. That’s crucial. The last thing is the C.I.A. connection to Oswald. We have a stronger case, not only for post-Russia but also for pre-Russia. In other words, he was working with the C.I.A. before he went and when he came back. Those are the main points. I don’t want to criticize your paper, but if it was honest, it would be doing this work instead of just saying, “It’s all settled.”

But on some level you must know that we’ll never be able to tie up all the loose ends of the Kennedy assassination. So what do you want people to take away from your new work on this?

Those who are interested will find it’s pretty clear that J.F.K. was murdered by forces that were powerful in our government. We point the finger at a couple of individuals. But I don’t want to get into that here. Now, why do I have to do this? I’m doing the documentary for the record so that you can see for yourself what the evidence is. That’s all. We’re just finishing it and beginning to show it. It will be out. Even if it’s on YouTube. Or in Transylvania.

So many of your movies, “J.F.K.” in particular, are about presenting counterevidence to the sort of officially sanctioned grand narratives that America tells about itself. Can you think of any areas where your belief in the importance of counternarratives might have been detrimental to your own political thinking? I’m thinking here about your series of interviews with Vladimir Putin, where it seemed that you were more interested in letting him lay out contrary perspectives to the popular American view of him rather than really challenging him on anything.

I don’t think President Putin’s views from the 1999 period to the 2016 election period were ever presented honestly to the American public. The documentary is a great work of scholarship. It can be studied because he’s saying a tremendous amount that was fluffed off: “Oh, Oliver Stone is an apologist.” I’m not an apologist. I’m always probing, and that’s why he liked me to the degree that he did. He didn’t think I was a patsy. He was a very patient man. He reads. He prepares. He’s not like so many of our fool politicians, and that’s why he has lasted for 20 years. But the American press has demonized him. Even though he benefits from American destabilization and therefore tries to foment it?

I don’t think he thinks that way. I think he sees American destabilization as a dangerous thing because he thinks about the safety of the world. If anything, he would like a balance of power to exist and he would like to have a nuclear treaty with us. It’s very difficult to talk when America doesn’t talk. It hasn’t been dealing honestly with him in a long time. Putin is obviously a canny politician. What do you suspect he believed he had to gain by talking with you?

I think his intention, as he forthrightly says again and again in the documentary, was: Let’s talk. Let’s be mature. Let’s be adults in the room.

Could it have been something else maybe? There’s that term “the useful idiot.”

First of all, you should just look at the documentary.

I’ve seen it.

Where is it clear that I’m an idiot? I think it’s a very articulate dialogue. I would also point out that when we started, which was in 2014 roughly, the relationship with the United States was not as bad as it would become. Things got much worse. In 2017, we went back to him, and you have on the record what he says about Donald Trump and the American election. I don’t think Russia has the desire or the money to spend on “destabilizing” an entire election. And how can you even compare it to what we’ve done in other countries? But two evils don’t have to be equal for them to both be evil.

We’re getting too much onto Putin. That’s not in this book.

This is mostly related to the book: How present in your life is your experience in Vietnam? Is it still with you from day to day?

It doesn’t disturb me. In the book I talk about everything that I felt over there and how strange it was. Vietnam influenced my work because of my feelings about war and peace in this country and militarization and where we are now. If I can do any good in this world, it would be to pass some of that message on to younger people so that they recognize where we’re going with continued militarization. But, no, the war doesn’t personally disturb me. I’ve reached an age of acceptance. I have a meta question for you: It seems, at least at this point in time, as though your political opinions have almost overshadowed your achievements as an artist. Does it bother you to think that your willingness to get into it about politics might ultimately obscure or distort your legacy as a filmmaker?

I’ve negotiated my way, sometimes with great controversy, through life. My domain is wide. I enjoy give-and-take. I learn from people. I will continue not to run away from who I am. I’m going to own who I am.

-David Marchese, "Oliver Stone thinks Hollywood has gone crazy," The New York Times Magazine, July 10 2020 [x]

#oliver stone #The New York Times #david marchese #chasing the light #vladimir putin #jfk #a bright future #jfk: a destiny betrayed #the vietnam war #politics #hollywood #covid19

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thesummerstorms · 4 years

Text

Rev Recaps Hard Contact (Chapter 17)

CW: series typical violence. discussion of a passage where the author decided to use a common slur against transgender people as an abbreviation of “Trandoshan”, which, what the fuck.

TL;DR Recap: Hokan freaks because he doesn’t know how the commandos got in & he can’t get through the bulkeads to where Uthan is trapped with them. Atin and Darman get into a brief, intense fight against some Separatist personnel before capturing Uthan. Hokan finally manages to get the bulkheads down, but all that’s left are some of Uthan’s staff.

Beginning Kal Count: 32 Ending Kal Count: 35

Hokan, naturally, doesn’t take well to the fact that Darman and Atin finally breached his supposedly secure facility. In fact, he still has no idea how it happened; however, with the various blast doors down, he can’t get to Uthan or her team to figure it out, much less solve the problem. It’s revealed that the bulkheads were lowered automatically when Darman and Atin cranked up the other security door; it’s a precautionary measure on the computer’s part. What that means is Atin and Darman are cornered with Uthan and the Separatist fighters, at least unless they can escape through their previous tunnel, but Hokan also can’t get it to kill them.

The man also has an ego.

His new favorite Lt. promises to keep trying to override security to raise the doors. Hokan tries a crowbar, but the gap is only about the size of a piece of paper flimsi, so it doesn’t work and he throws it to the floor and has a momentary fit. He doesn’t have explosives, so he pulls out surprisingly he can’t immediately cut through.

I’m very interested to know what the hell that door is made of, but given the kind of work Uthan is doing, I suppose it makes sense to Jedi-proof your entrance to the best of your ability. Still, it had to be REALLY expensive.

With Hokan otherwise occupied, we cut back to Darman and Atin, who are also not having a fun time, but more because Uthan is armed with a Verpine gun and has a few Separatist officer friends hanging around and their only way out is back out the tunnel into the sewers that they just dug.

CW: Canon usage of a word that is also a slur against transgender people.

There are some great small moments here, but unfortunately this whole POV section is liberally salted with the usage of the word “Trannie” disguised used as a short-form of “Trandoshan”. I barely remember 2004 and I had literally only just turned 10, so I have no idea what kind of prevalence there was to the knowledge that this was, in fact, a slur.

But even if I wanted to look into that, that a) assume that KT literally ever thought to look into other people’s perspectives as a writer and would have cared or b) ask me to believe that a white English woman with strong conservative isolationist tendencies who writes books with pervasive misogyny and heteronormativity wouldn’t have purposefully slid that in under the radar.

And it really doesn’t matter in the end, because ultimately you still have the book you have. I’m just going to have to settle for minimizing my screencaps for this section because I don’t feel like endlessly repeating the word without need.

Back to plot:

Dar tells Niner that they have Uthan cornered but she has a gun on her. Niner tells her, essentially, to scare her into dropping it because Verpine rifles are fragile. I have no irl knowledge of guns to compare this to. Niner says that if Darman and Atin need help capturing Uthan, that’s probably too bad, because he and Fi will have a hell of a time getting in. Majestic is the only thing currently firing on the surface, but Niner’s hesitant about using the battering ram on the front door when Dar asks. Dar consents to trying to evac Uthan out the drains first, but wants Niner and Fi busting in to be the back up plan.

Oh, Fi. But that disagreement goes nowhere as Atin hears something and he and Darman realize Uthan isn’t alone. Since the only folks on Darman’s side are with Niner, that means that these are Separatist fighters. Darman is generally pissed, and apparently I’ve missed something about a locking door somewhere or misunderstood part of the scene, because we get this line:

Okay. Door opens. No Uthan. Door has Trandoshan thugs. Dar is in close contact range with said thugs.

Darman and the and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Darman feels like he just hit a brick wall, despite his armor, and only manages to make the first Trandoshan stumble. The second Trandoshan starts to advance on him with a knife, but looks at his armor for a second “bewildered”. Fair.

Lmao. There’s actually kind of a neat fight scene that follows, but I’m not screencapping any of it because word usage. Darman body charges the Trandoshan at ramming speed and tries to stab him in the throat with the vibroknife built into his gauntlet, but the Trandoshan grabs his wrist and is trying to stab Darman at the same time. Darman chooses that moment to wonder, “Hey- are our bodysuits stab proof? I don’t remember.” So since obviously that’s not a great risk to be taking, he uses “bar-brawl tactics that Skirata made sure they all learned” (Kal Count increase to 33) and kicks the Trandoshan in the shin followed by stomping on his instep. That loosens the Trandoshan’s grip enough that Dar can stab him, which he does “over and over, not sure what he was hitting” until the Trandoshan stops screaming. He notes that “Skirata was right. Stabbing someone was a slow way to kill them.” (Kal Count 34.)

He turns around and sees Atin covered in Trandoshan blood, but otherwise okay. Darman is about to explode the door in to get to Uthan, and Atin pulls out the Trandoshan shotgun array blaster.

Darman uses explosive to blow the lock on Uthans door, tosses in some EMP grenades, and they rush in.

“He had become used to Etain’s resilience.” Okay, y’all had to know I wanted to make a note of that. It’s good to have some positives acknowledged occasionally. Darman comms Niner and Fi “whoops” loud enough to hurt his ears. Darman realizes that Atin has killed three more Trandoshans and a lab assistant. There’s some weird shit there about the lab tech not being pretty anymore and Dar wondering if she’s Uthan’s daughter, which honestly makes zero fucking sense, especially since Darman apparently didn’t see her alive. Darman tries to ask how many staff Uthan has, Uthan groggily says something about them murdering her assistant-

and weirdly, Atin seems to be having a tiny moment of doubt now, as he’s staring at the bodies. It’s subtle, since we aren’t in his POV, but I think he’s having the same kid of reaction Dar had earlier in the book:

“Almost to himself”. I don’t know, I could be reading a lot into a tiny phrase where there’s nothing, but ... in the context of discussing how the book handles various characters reacting to killing, it caught my attention. Darman, on the other hand, currently has no fucks left to give.

.... okay.

Darman asks again about the staff, and:

You know, I could do with out the Kal Count increase (35) but at the same time, I agree with Darman. It’s very, very rich for someone working on biogenic weapons to trot out the “They’re civilians” thing. Darman comms back, gets confirmation from Niner that he doesn’t need to capture Uthan’s staff. They gag and restrain her, Darman literally throws her over his shoulder, and now they have to find their way out of the tunnels with a captive scientist in tow. Darman is worried they’ll get lost.

We cut to Hokan, whose staff is finally getting the doors from their end open, too little too late.

Hurati, again, is the lieutenant Hokan had murder the previous lieutenant because Hokan didn’t like him. But the “whether he wanted to admit it or not, he actually cared what happened to him” line is weirdly funny to me? Hurati, admittedly, has managed to override all the doors, so all the security bulkheads AND the front door open at once, which is bound to earn him favor. But then we get:

Even the weirdest, most extreme, got-kicked-out-of-Death-Watch-because-they-couldn’t-function Mandalorians have an adoptive instinct. Or rather, that’s how I’m choosing to read this line, because it’s funny to me.

Hokan finds the rest of Uthan’s team, but can’t confirm whether any virus samples survived, and Uthan is already gone. He seems to be finally waking up to the situation, as we end with this quote:

#Republic Commando #RepComm #Rev Recaps RepComm #Hard Contact #Darman Skirata #Atin Skirata #Ghez Hokan #Qail Ovolot Uthan

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theboyz-engup · 5 years

Text

To All The Boyz I’ve Loved Before; Letter Six

Summary- It was wonderful what a few little letters could do; they could make or break a friendship, cause someone to laugh or smile, make someone remember the time of their life or that moment they wanted to forget. Just some words on paper and poof, everyone knew the way your heart beat and workings of your brain. High school really did wonders on you, as did those twelve boys. Maybe they didn’t know it, but they changed your whole life with each smile, each wave, and each word you typed into paper. You made them permanent, and now they had to know why.

Word Count- 8.8k

a/n: i legit cannot believe i’m halfway through this story hnngghfgjd i hope you guys all enjoy this, thank you all for sticking with me through it xx

Previous Letter - Next Letter

Coming home to an empty house wasn’t necessarily surprising at this point but the disappointment in his chest didn’t go away. He’d specifically told his parents that this was his only week off and he would be home only for a while if they wanted to see him and still, nothing. He should’ve figured from the train station when neither of them had come to pick him up but, as it turns out, he never learns.

Frowning, Jaehyun knocked his shoes off and placed them to the side, listening for the sound of Honey but realizing she wasn’t here either. He missed her too, almost most of all, and of course they’d taken her too. Bitterly, he made his way to the kitchen and found a few letters stacked up on the counter. Reading the note left by him mom about making his own dinner, he sighed and scoured through the rest of the mail if some was his. Catching his name in typewriter print, he felt a bit excited and, as he walked over to the freezer for some easily made food, he began his read.

Dear Lee Jaehyun,

What you’re about to read has been the best part of my grade ten year. I hope you aren’t upset by the fact that you’re what made it so great.

Early February, 2016

“Did you guys hear?” Amalia was loud, as usual, but this time with something urgent on her lips. She rushed into your little study room, flinging her bag off her back and plopping it on the table with a rush of words following her. As she took out her books and sat down, she rambled, “there was a robbery earlier this morning. Apparently, they hit like four houses down your street, y/n. It’s super weird and dangerous for down here since we all like know each other. I can’t even imagine-”

“Did you just say near y/n’s house?” Shankeri sat up in her seat, taking her boots off the table and suddenly becoming serious.

Amalia nodded, though she didn’t seem worried. “Yeah like a few houses up from her. Police and stuff came before they could loot more so you’re safe but yeah.”

“You sound insane,” Sunwoo stated, not looking up from his paper. He’d taken to keeping his hat on around school, hood on over it and withdrawing into his paper and pen for some quality lyrics. Jace smacked the board Sunwoo had in hand, looking serious as well.

“How are you so calm right now?”

Sunwoo shrugged, pointing the end of his pen at you. Before he returned to his work, he gave Jace a bitter look and muttered, “do you see y/n freaking out? No? Then why should you?”

“Y/n wouldn’t scream if they were about to get hit by a bus,” Amalia hummed, countering Sunwoo. “Their fight or flight instinct doesn’t work. It’s just freeze.”

You had to admit she was right there. You would hardly ever scream, recalling how hard it was to imitate a scream when you were doing a play in grade four. The thought made you cringe and you retreated back to your work.

“Well, it’s no big deal,” you started, picking up your pencil to stare at some numbers that made absolutely no sense to you, “as long as I still have my fridge and microwave, I think I’m good.”

“See,” Sunwoo chimed, drawing the word out. “Now hush, I’m trying to think.”

Hyunjoon from across your little table met your eyes as you looked around. He was the only one who noticed, and he gave you a little smile.

As much as you pretended you were okay with it, the thought of a crime happening in your neighbourhood- so close to you, really- it scared you a lot. You wanted some support or just someone to walk home with you and stay so you wouldn’t be alone. You doubted a robbery would happen again, there were police staggered up and down the streets surrounding your house but you couldn’t help but feel like something ominous was about to happen. It was like there was this ghost floating just paces behind you and you couldn’t see it but you could feel it. That night, luckily, everyone was home. Tomorrow was another issue, seeing as Haymond had an away game for the weekend and your parents needed to visit someone in the city.

Amalia took long strides beside you as you travelled from class to the cafeteria. Her fingers were in the loops of her backpack and she was wearing more makeup than her usual eyebrows and lashes. Her lips pouted out as she spoke, genuinely upset.

“My parents said I’m not allowed to keep you company this weekend while your parents and Haymond are away. They offered for you to come over but my sister’s allergic to dogs.”

Linking arms with her, you only shrugged, trying to play it cool. “That’s fine.”

Panic set in soon after as you realized nobody else was available this weekend. Sunwoo was in the city, far away and training this weekend. Hyunjoon was out for his grandmother’s birthday, and Jace and Shankeri weren’t your closest friends. You could’ve asked them but felt like that was probably more awkward than being alone.

Slowly, on your walk home, you began to realize you really didn’t have any other option. You trusted him, he took care of your dog, he was nice. You went on walks together often enough and texted sometimes. Your mum had even ordered you and Haymond over to dinner with him whenever his parents weren’t home and she wanted a nice date night with dad. It wasn’t the worst idea you had, you admitted; but, maybe if your parents hadn’t left by the time you got home, you could change your mind. Doing some homework on the road wouldn’t be so bad.

Steadily, you rounded the corner to your street and squinted to see further, hoping to see your car in your driveway. There was no such luck and your great idea turned sour in your mouth. You liked Jaehyun, you did, it was just that this was supposed to be a different kind of weekend. You were supposed to relax and study for your classes with Amalia, paint each other’s nails, watch romantic comedies and then break into Haymond’s room and play his video games. Now, you would spend it being entirely nervous but not out of fear; Jaehyun just made you nervous with each look he gave you and each smile. He made your stomach tie in knots and it was so hard to untangle them the more you got to know him. He went from being this quiet and observant boy to a loud and boisterous man, someone who would text you over and over just to pay attention to him and then leave you on read whenever he was busy.

He was so weird and complex and yet, so fun and happy when you caught him on his good days. Sometimes he got really upset though and he caved into himself. He would become so quiet not because he was reading his crowd but because he wasn’t even there. He was thinking and forming a mass of nervousness and self doubt in the pit of his heart. You never knew what to say to him when he got like that, this man who was three years older than you was still just so fragile. Maybe he’s afraid of being alone too, you thought, taking your phone out of your pocket once you got inside and sending him a quick text. It was just a hello but you hoped it would warrant a response.

After a few hours, you figured it wasn’t. You sent one more and then two and then five more messages, all saying the same thing- all just saying hello. The moment you were about to send another, just as the sun dipped over the hill and darkness was holding the world still, your phone rang. The picture of him and your dog showed up, the one you used for his contact photo, with two little buttons for ignoring or answering the call. Quickly, you swiped and brought your phone up to your ear.

You didn’t even have time to say hello. He just went straight into his sentence, deadpanning, “you know, I’ve figured out that if you just stop responding to people then they stop texting.”

Not knowing what to say, you simply stood silent, mouth opening and closing but finding no air for words. Jaehyun didn’t have a problem continuing his thought, voice lighter and more teasing.

“You’re clearly an exception. What’s up, why did you spam me?”

The idea of you hearing your request out loud made your throat swell. Did it sound like you were asking him over because you wanted something from him? You just wanted company- not to be alone and sleep easy knowing someone else would also be there to protect you against the imaginary burglar that could show up. He didn’t even have to interact with you, in fact, you’d prefer it that way. You could just be in the same house and that was enough.

“C- can you like come over or something?” The question took a bit of effort but you made it out. Your eyes were on the ground, watching your feet carry you from tile to tile in your kitchen. The silence made you anxious and you were so close to explaining yourself but decided against it. If he took it the wrong way, that was his fault.

All he did was hang up, the dial tone loud in your ear. With your lips parted, you took your phone from your ear and looked at it. The audacity, you thought, absolutely beside yourself. Jaehyun, the person who’d told you to always call him if you needed something, had just ignored your request. To be fair, he said that with reference to Barly but still, it hurt your feelings.

Barly rounded the corner, his collar creating small chimes as he came closer and closer. He looked up at you in the kitchen and then sat, expectant. You would’ve forgotten to feed him if he hadn’t come to see you, tilting his head towards his food bin.

“Right, I’ll get some dinner for us both, yeah?”

Slowly, you worked around the kitchen and got the meal your mom had written out for Barly. He needed to lose some weight so he was on a strict diet for now and your parent shad been careful enough to list exactly what was needed for each meal and tape it onto the fridge for you to see. As you set the bowl down, telling Barly to wait, you murmured, “guess it’s just me and you tonight.”

He barked in response and you took it as a sign of solidarity. If anything, you could watch some bad movies together. Sure, you wouldn’t have anyone to direct your comments at but it would still feel like you weren’t alone.

“Here you go, buddy,” you hummed before a grown slipped past your teeth. Why did it hurt so much just to bend over. As you walked towards your door to put your extra lock on, rubbing the small of your back, you heard Barly bark again.

He didn’t like to bark and hardly did so it was an odd occurrence. Despite yourself, a chill creeped under your skin and you hurried to your door, knowing the extra lock would give you peace of mind, though the fear wouldn’t really go away. Barly followed after you and got there first, sitting quietly. His tail wagged back and forth slowly and then, one final bark. You couldn’t help yourself and you ran to the door, really just wanting that one final lock on but-

A shriek slipped past your lips and you nearly fell over, your eyes trained on a shadow that appeared before the window of your door. A soft knock fell through and the figure became slightly recognizable, though you didn’t really believe it. Barly came over to you, knocking his nose against your leg almost as if to ask if you were okay.

Jaehyun’s voice followed suit, coming through the door. “Y/n? Did you just scream, what’s wrong?”

“Lee Jaehyun!” you nearly yelled, rushing to the door and ripping it open to be faced with such a casual looking boy. He was wearing joggers and a pair of sneakers with the thinnest hoodie on. A little cap was atop his head and, over his shoulder, he’d strung a bag and a windbreaker.

“You scared the living crap out of me,” you said rather loudly, though your voice shook and wavered near the end of your sentence. His pouted lips formed themselves into a smile as he looked down at you and laughed lightly.

“How? By showing up when you asked me to?”

Puffing your cheeks up, you tried to think of a response but he was right. You did ask for him to come over and he did as was told, only he didn’t tell you he was coming. With a great big sigh, you let him know that he could’ve said he was coming over instead of hanging up because then you wouldn’t have been so worried. Jaehyun was much too preoccupied though, having come in and squatting to rub at Barly’s ears.

“Who’s a good boy? You, yes, you,” he crooned, using his baby voice quietly. When he grinned, his eyes became long and nearly closed, matching Barly’s eyes as he moved his head into Jae’s hands. His lips came forwards as he made ridiculous sounds at your dog, acting so sweet with him. Barly was a second away from falling in love when you called him over to finish his dinner. Swiftly, he left Jaehyun’s hands to come and rub his head under one of yours and then went to his food.

Jaehyun, abandoned, was now forced to take his shoes off and borrow one of your dad’s pairs of slippers, seeing as Haymond’s didn’t fit him. As he got settled in, he asked teasingly, “are you jealous because your dog likes me better? Hmm?”

“He does not,” you protested, crossing your arms as Jae made his way to your living room. He was now holding his bag straight, looking around the place before settling on you.

“I’ll prove it tomorrow,” he seemed to promise. There was something about his eyes that made it feel like he was the son of Hermes. They flashed and glittered like he had secrets and jokes hidden in unorganized piles of papers. Sometimes, you could swear he had figures dancing across them, like he was telling a great story without saying much of anything.

“So,” he started, clearly excited but equally exhausted, “where am I sleeping?”

Leaving Jaehyun to get settled in the living room let you have some time alone for the time being. He promised he’d stay only if you watched movies with him and made him some popcorn. About three times in your little negotiation, he threatened to leave but he was already so comfortable on the couch. The blanket that was thrown over an arm of your sofa was hanging off his shoulders as you played rock, paper, scissors to decide on your final terms, which was the flavour of popcorn. Luckily, it landed on plain popcorn and, while he got ready for movie night, you went to get ready for bed.

You took a shower and got changed, even washed your face and primed it for a face mask, which you were going to force Hyun to do with you. Grinning as you walked downstairs in your winter pyjamas, just a pair of long, plaid pants, and a long sleeved shirt of your father’s, you caught sight of Hyun changing and paused. Dashing back up the few steps so he was out of sight, you whined quietly to yourself, hating the way your heart raced at seeing his shoulder blade. You mean, really? Who cares about a shoulder? You had a shoulder and nobody fawned over yours.

Shaking your head quickly, wishing for the nervousness to disappear and trying hard to manually shove it down your throat, you finished your walk down the stairs. He was now just sitting on the couch, eyes on the television screen and flipping through channels. He perked up seeing you, eyebrows raising and eyes settling on you. He looked so soft, hair now settled so it dared to fall into his eyes and clothes just the slightest bit bigger than they should be to fit. He looked like he had rushed to pack which, honestly, you figured he probably did. He wasn’t wearing the most flattering clothes and yet, he still managed to make you feel all knotted up.

“I brought face masks,” you mused, lifting them up in the air. Hyun clapped, the remote between his hands as he did so.

“Popcorn?” His ears perked up almost as if he were a dog himself, legs crossed and chest leaning forwards expectantly.

“After,” you drew out, sitting on the couch beside him and handing him the one labelled ‘pore control’. Clicking his tongue, he gaped at you as he read the description and tapped your shoulder.

“Excuse me!”

The laugh that slipped past your teeth was calming enough, even though he did complain as he took his out of the sleeve. You were putting yours on without a mirror so you hoped it would turn out fine, your hands smoothing over the bubbles you felt on your cheeks.

“But it’s necessary, have you seen your pores? So open,” you giggled, animated as you explained to him why he was getting his mask. He looked at you incredulous and with his lips parted like a fish’s out of water.

“Okay, I repeat, excuse me, I have great skin, thank you very much,” he huffed, trying hard to put the mask on without his hair getting in the way. He was bending forwards, figuring that gravity would be enough to get his hair out of the way and he wasn’t necessarily wrong. You were chuckling lightly, watching him struggle as you turned the hair tie you had round your wrist around and around.

“You’re just jealous,” he finished, giving up and letting his hair fall on the damp mask.

“No,” you hummed, looking down at your hair tie and deciding to be nice as you beckoned him forwards. “I’m sorry you can’t admit the truth, Hyun.”

His eyes watched you as you got on your knees, hoping the extra height would help you tie a better knot to keep his bangs out of the way. Your fingers grasped as much hair as possible and you tied a knot carefully so that it wouldn’t hurt him but also so he would look like a little pineapple sprout.

Giggling as you pulled away, you sat back down on your legs and announced, “there. You look perfect.”

“I hate it when you laugh like that,” he said worriedly, bringing up his phone to check what he looked like in his camera, “that always means you did something ev- y/n!”

“Take the picture,” you demanded, getting in so your face was in the frame and making a silly face. He took the picture with him looking stern, though he did crack a smile at it after.

“Told you that you look great,” you chimed, sitting down in your spot next to him. You were cross legged with your hands placed in the hole in front of you and your smile was ridiculously easy. Jaehyun just looked at you and scoffed, though he was laughing himself.

Quietly, he reached out and fixed a part of your mask, smoothing out a bubble there before turning his gaze back to the screen.

“Now can we get popcorn?”

You had to pretend like the touch of his skin meant nothing to you as you nodded, suddenly silent as you paced to the kitchen. Unknowingly, you reached to cup the part of your mask he’d fixed and smiled to yourself. All the while, as the popcorn popped and the movie went on, your little smile never faded.

That night was so sweet. It was almost unimaginable that you would be this kind to me. I remember you looking up at me from your spot on the floor (which you said was more comfortable for you but I have my suspicions that you were just trying to make me more comfortable) and asking me so seriously why my parents left me at home that weekend. I don’t think I would’ve had it any other way. You were so nice to me but not because you had to be. You were just a kind person and it felt so good to just be myself with someone who wasn’t going to judge me. Even when I made stupid jokes, you would just look back at me and laugh as if you couldn’t believe I was real. You made me really happy that night and I held onto it for a while. I expect I’ll be holding on for a very long time.

Early March, 2016

“Hey, y/n,” Jaehyun called, shuffling past people in the hallways to catch up with you. Hardly hearing it, you tried to keep going forwards but Amalia stuck her foot out in front of you, stopping you in your tracks.

He was right behind you when you turned to face him and you had to stumble backwards so you weren’t craning your neck up to meet his gaze. Sunwoo’s little story was interrupted as Hyun began his speech, though he was really only talking to you.

With his hands pressing down on the straps of his bag, he asked, “can I take Barly out after school today?”

You blinked. He would usually text you to ask you this, seeing as your classes weren’t close to each others at all- and that he was a senior. There was no sound between you two, which seemed to go for too long since Amalia’s elbow poked your side. From the corner of your eye, you could see her staring you down, eyes wide as if to convey a message.

“Uh, uhh, yeah? Yes,” you decided on saying, snapping out of your head for a moment. Regretfully, you replayed your answer in your head and winced internally, hating the way you sounded. It was like your brain was made of air.

Peaking a smile, Jae straightened, clearly glad. As his face softened, he pushed another question. Somehow, it seemed so calculated, like he was gauging how and when he should say what. Is this what people called feeling someone out?

“Do you want to come with? I want to train Honey near the river and I think you could try it with Barly too. It could be fun.”

Once again, you had nothing to say. The whole situation was entirely overwhelming and you didn’t understand what he wanted. Why he was asking you this, where he wanted to go, why he wanted to go with you: all of it went over your head. All you knew was that your breath could hardly make it past your throat.

Noticing another quiet spell, Amalia took it upon herself to answer, confidently saying, “they’ll think about it and text you? We’re preparing for a test so they’re kind of out of it right now.”

Sunwoo nodded to that, though he didn’t seem quite interested in Jaehyun. His eyes were on your face, carefully drifting between you two. Picking up the ends of what Amalia said, you quickly added, “I’ll let you know. Promise.”

Jaehyun’s smile never wavered, though you noticed how a glitter in his eyes seemed to fall away. He nodded, saying he’d see you later, turned on his heel and walked away. Dumbfounded, you couldn’t move from your spot until Amalia nicked you in the side again. You were so lost in your head, wondering what exactly he meant to do with all of that. The interaction seemed stale and directed, like he came talking with a purpose but not a malicious one. Did he really want to hang out with you, without Haymond or your parents in the way? What his intentions were, you couldn’t even begin to imagine. Your final thought was that maybe… maybe he felt the same flutter in his heart when you tied his hair that you did when he fixed your face mask.

Thinking about it dared for heat to rush up your cheeks but you quickly pushed it down with the elbow in your side, trying to return to reality. Slowly, you looked up at your friend and murmured, “do we really have a test today?”

“N- no, you idiot.” Amalia began somewhat serious but broke into a giggle. With her arm strung around your shoulder, she turned you round and you continued on your way to the cafeteria. Sunwoo was unusually quiet.

“Think you’re going to go?”

“Why wouldn’t they?” Sunwoo spoke up, somewhat sullen but clearly trying to force his point. “Y/n’s been into him since they first moved in.”

“Hey,” you tried to protest, raising your voice the slightest but knowing you had no response. Then, quietly, you just nodded your head and said, “I mean, that’s not wrong.”

Amalia giggled, musing as she continued taking the group to your table where Hyunjoon was already waiting, “you don’t even know. He was all she talked about until she found Sangyeon. Do you remember that? No, never mind, we weren’t friends back then. Wow… time really flies, huh?”

And so, she continued rambling, letting people in for interjections but laughing loud and leading the conversation nonetheless. You loved seeing her like this, so carefree and happy. You wanted to really bask in it but in the back of your mind, all you could see was Jaehyun.

Apparently, he was all you would see for the next few months. You would go everywhere together, under the excuse of taking your dogs out for walks. Haymond joined often, saying he didn’t want to eat dinner at home or that Juyeon was busy, so it felt like it was the three of you against the world. Whenever work allowed it, or you were feeling particularly lazy, you’d knock on Haymond’s door and asked him if he wanted to come out with you and Barly. Hyun almost always followed, bringing Honey around. You would risk eating in dog parks or near the river as the weather warmed up. Soon, you felt like you had your own separate friend group. It was your school friends on the weekend but, on weekdays, it was your brother and Jaehyun. You had to admit, you rather loved it.

Your parents seemed to adore it too, happy you and Haymond were spending time together. They would see you two leaving together and beam at each other. It wasn’t that you and Haymond weren’t close before but hanging out together did seem weird at times. Except now, you were practically the same age. One year between you seemed to mean less and less. He wasn’t weird about your crushes and you could talk openly about more things. He didn’t really mind driving you around either, teaching you the ropes before you got your learner’s license.

It felt like being around Jaehyun gave you so many good things in your life besides his time and company. You felt yourself starting to become more of a person and less of a child. While you loved your friends, you wanted to be more mature. You wanted to be respected and to be seen as an equal to Haymond or even Jaehyun. Being with them taught you just slightly how to grow up, despite the fact that they were both absolutely insane when it was just the two of them. Though it wasn’t simple or expected, you were happier, and you couldn’t wait to tell Eric about every day that made you lighter.

“So, then we were walking along the river and Haymond was already covered in mud, like dripping, and Juyeon came along so he dared him to go into the water and as if on cue,” you giggled, harder now that you stopped to really replay the scene you were painting for Eric, “Bartholomew comes up behind Haymond and like pushes against his leg with his nose for Haym falls in.”

At this point, you’ve already given into laughing about the scene, it being the final stretch of a series of ridiculous stories you were subjecting Eric to. You were laid out flat on your bed, stomach down with a pillow underneath your chest as you spoke, absentmindedly scrolling through an app on your laptop. Eric’s chuckles came through, almost in perfect harmony with yours as he came around to responding.

“You sound like you’re actually having fun, y/n. It’s really nice.”

You hummed a note, nodding as you jokingly asked, “am I less sad and depressed, as you liked to put it?”

“To use the word lightly, yeah,” he mused before stopping for a bit. Once he figured out what he wanted to say, he was much softer. “When are we going to hang out again?”

You shrugged, feeling the way the air changed and frowning. “I don’t know.”

“I just- I have something to tell you, is all. I want to do it in person.”

Blinking, completely unknowing, you attempted to ask what it was but Haymond cut you off. With a brief knock, he swung your door open and motioned with his head to come downstairs. “We’re studying, right?”

“Oh, right, shoot,” you muttered, hating how sudden it had to be that you’d leave. Visibly pained, you tried to explain to Eric that you had to go but his usual lightness appeared in his voice again.

“It’s fine, I heard. Good luck on your exams!”

“You too!” you tried to say but the dead tone hit your ears faster. Pouting slightly, you put your phone down and did your usual groan as you got up. Collecting your books as Haymond spoke, you tried to be as quick as possible.

“Was that Eric?”

You nodded, wanting to tell him that Eric said he had something to tell you, but Haymond sighed. With his hands in his pockets and his back against the door, he fixed you with a serious look.

“You know he likes you, right?” The question stung your ears and you hated how matter-of-fact he made it sound. He had no idea what he was talking about and yet it made you give pause.

With your notebooks and textbooks piled in your arms, pencil case the cherry on top, you looked at him seriously and shook your head. “Don’t say that. You don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re-”

“Just friends,” he finished with you, mockingly as he beckoned for you to hurry up into the living room. He shut your door behind you and followed, casual as he spoke. “Well, don’t say I didn’t tell you.”

“Mom and dad aren’t home?” you asked, quick to change the subject as you made your way down the stairs and into the living room where you set up your books. Haymond’s were already laid out on his side of the coffee table and couch. All that was left was Jaehyun and the few other people who were invited to come over to study.

It was agreed upon from all parties that afterwards, when you all finished studying by eight p.m. latest, you were all going to sit down and chat or play games or something. It was meant to be a rather relaxed get-together but the part where it was just going to be you three: you anticipated that the most.

Jaehyun got there moments later and took up residence on the couch beside you, closest to the table. It was a sofa made for two so you were very close- so close you could reach out and link your fingers together. The thought crossed your mind once or twice as you studied away at math and science, both courses you needed Amalia here for the help you with. She was going to be late though, so you switched over to history in hopes that it wouldn’t be too heavy for you. Yet, Jaehyun’s face kept surfacing in your mind and you couldn’t help but steal glances at him.

“What’s that face for?” Jae asked, breaking the silence as he looked over at you.

Your hands shot up to cover your cheeks, pencil laid flat against your skin as you asked, “what face?”

Haymond gave you a look over and chuckled. As he spoke, he returned to twirling his highlighter between his fingers, eyes trained on his work. “You looked like you were daydreaming just second ago.”

“What are you studying?” Jaehyun asked, leaning over to look at your work. Your lack of notes was embarrassing and you were sure he noticed but made no comment. Instead, he looked over at the textbook you had open and let out a small sound. His lips were formed in a perfect circle.

“Trotsky, huh?” he prodded, giving you a small wink. “That’s the kind of man you dream about? Interesting.”

“W-what, no!”

Yet, the laughs had already ensued. He was making a little joke and you were glad for his attention, even if it was a little embarrassing. Deciding against protesting, you tried to work with it but got cut off by the doorbell ringing.

“That’s probably Juyeon,” Haymond groaned, getting up and stretching as he walked to the door. Jaehyun gave you another look, lips soft and turned upwards before he returned to his work. The more he smiled, the more you wanted to leave your work behind and just look at him. It was hard to imagine that he was really right there next to you, just a fraction of an inch away. If you wanted to reach out, you could. You could just take his hand in yours, maybe make his eyes see you only. Maybe-

“I bought iced coffee,” Juyeon proclaimed, looking proud as he set down the tray of four on your coffee table. Instantly, you were pulled out of your stupor and your attention was on another boy, one who looked please with himself for doing something small like getting some coffee. You gave him a wave and told him thank you. The rest of the night felt like a blur.

You may not know it or care but you’re the main feature of my grade ten year. You’re part of almost every fun memory I’ve had in this stupid town. You don’t even know how happy you made me just by doing nothing. I would feel so sad and alone when I was home but then, in an instant, as you came over with some snacks and movies, I was the happiest person alive. I enjoyed being with you so much, through my exam season, in the halls, or just across our lawns when we were both doing nothing but still together. No matter how spontaneous, I

was happy but I felt so weird too because I just wanted to tell you. I felt so bad not telling you just how much I liked you. I liked you so much it created a ball in my chest and weighed me down. All I wanted was for you to notice how I really feel about you but there wasn’t any chance for me to say it- not that I ever would. You know more than anyone else how scared I am of these things.

Late June, 2016

Happy to be done with school, you and your friends promised to do many things. Yet, the moment exams ended, everyone was too exhausted to do much. You couldn’t blame them necessarily, you were rather sleepy too, it was just that you felt so restless. You wanted to do something, even if it was playing monopoly in your backyard or walking around senselessly but there was no such luck. So, there you were, lying face up on your bed and staring at your ceiling hoping something to do would come to mind.

In the middle of your deep thinking, your phone buzzed once on the nightstand beside your bed. Groaning, you reached behind you and felt around until your fingers grasped the cold metal. Bringing it forwards, you muttered about someone disturbing you and how it was so disrespectful until you saw Jaehyun’s text and immediately bounced up.

Jaehyun, 3:26p.m: open your window

Doing as you were told, you went and propped open the window, hearing the glass squeak as rubber brought it forwards. Leaning forwards and out of it slightly, you caught sight of him on his lawn and he waved.

“Wanna go somewhere?”

You didn’t hesitate to say yes.

Swiftly, you put on a pair of shorts and a long-sleeved shirt, noticing the discrepancy but not necessarily caring in the moment. Your heart was in your throat, pounding like crazy as you kicked your sock drawer closed and bounded down the stairs to get to your shoes. Hearing the commotion, Barly came to the front door with his tail wagging. He looked between you and his leash expectantly. With a quick thought, you reached for his leash, placed it on quickly and slipped your shoes on, ready to go. Jaehyun was sitting on your lawn now, Honey between his hands as he rubbed small circles behind her ears. At the sound of your door opening, he looked behind him and smiled. Quick to get up, he turned on his spot to meet you face on, looking particularly light. He never wore shorts but his pants were of material and fitted well. Just a plain white shirt crossed his midsection, waving in the wind and pressing against his chest to outline lean muscle.

“That was fast,” he noted, but you didn’t have much to say about it.

Looking down and spreading your arms unceremoniously, you asked, “is it good enough for whatever we’re doing?”

“Perfect,” he chimed. Then, he started on his way ahead of you, probably noticing how he stunted you and grinning about it as he walked. Holding onto Barly, who was just happy to be outside, you paused and then began your jog to catch up with him.

As you neared his side, he began to answer the question on your lips. “I wanted to show you the summer fair. It’s kind of small with no rides but all the local shops have little carts where you can get food, there’s cotton candy, vendors and stuff. It’s nice.”

“How long has it been going on for?”

He shrugged, looking up to think. When he squinted because of the high sun, you noticed the slight crinkles in his skin. “I think about five or six years? It’s not new but it’s not old; and definitely not a place lots of people our age go.”

“Why not?” you mumbled, thinking it sounded kind of fun. The sun was also getting in your eyes too, forcing you to squint just as hard.

Looking down at you, he leaned his head so his hair fell just a tad to the side. His eyes were as wide as he could manage and he smiled lightly. “It’s boring unless you know where to go and what to get.”

The second you got there, you understood what he meant. It was on the far side of town which meant the walk was long but it was very calm. He made it easy to talk to him about anything. He felt so akin to Eric sometimes, just in the way his presence seemed to wrap around you and make you feel safe. A few instances, you would bump shoulders and you swore you could see him get just a bit tongue-tied, losing track of his sentence or shifting his feet when you were waiting at a crosswalk; but he recovered well. Keeping his composure, he led you right to the middle of the fair and looked around.

You could only see food vendors and shops for various things like hats, jewelry, and anything small or portable. One place was selling henna tattoos and you were intrigued but Hyun tugged you away, chuckling a bit as he shook his head.

“No, no, that place is really not good for henna.”

“How would you know?” was the question that launched him into a story of how he got dared to get a whole back tattoo in henna and how it was horrible. “I cried myself to sleep that night, no joke,” he finished, though he was laughing as he spoke. You couldn’t help but giggle with him, poking fun at him out of disbelief but also admiration.

Once you got to the other side, the quieter side of the fair, Hyun exhaled and smiled. The only really big line you could see was one for a lemonade stand, which he insisted was the best place to get lemonade from.

“But I don’t like lemonade,” you murmured softly, to which he gave you a really incredulous look before shaking his head at you.

“Well, now you will,” he promised, seeming very intent.

“Can I walk around while you wait in line? I don’t think Honey and Barly will take to being still for so long,” you pointed out, reaching down to pat Barly’s head. The sun was still so high in the sky that even he seemed to be squinting as he lifted his head to reach your touch. Reluctantly, Jaehyun agreed but asked you to stay in this area.

“It’ll be hard to find you afterwards.”

Assuring him you wouldn’t stray too far, you went and started to look at a few shops. There were some games like whack-a-mole that you were interested in and you made mental note of where it was to come back to it. Hopefully it doesn’t cost too much, you thought to yourself before your eyes landed on a psychic’s tent. It was purple and had stars attached to it, with small coins hanging from fabric all around the entrance and skirt of the tent. Without knowing why, you felt drawn towards the place and made you way. Honey and Barly barked a bit but quickly settled down once they reached the tent, being allowed to come inside with you. As you parted the silken material, your nose was exposed to a heavy scent of some type of herb you couldn’t place.

“Welcome,” the woman said sweetly. She was frail and old, sitting at a brown table with a white cloth laced with purple fabric. You found yourself sitting down and looking at her seriously. Presented with playing cards, you were made to exchange something of yours to influence the cards. Then, once she’d given your small ring back to you, she beckoned for you to pick some and she read what they meant to you.

Most of it went over your head but one thing you remembered very vividly. It seemed to even be written on your face as you exited the tent, heaviness in the lines by your mouth. Jaehyun hurried up next to you, extending a hat to you.

“I got these because I couldn’t see you and thought it’s sunny so… hey. You okay?”

Blinking, you glanced up at him and pushed a smile. Though your mind was on her words, you didn’t want to think about it anymore, or worry him. It felt too real to be there but, for the most part, you never believed in stuff like that. You wanted to go in as a joke. Looking behind you, Hyun smiled.

“Did you talk to Lady Enya? She scares a lot of people.”

Wrapping your fingers around the hat, all you did was murmur thank you and nod. Then, slowly, you managed, “she said some freaky shit.”

“Do you believe it?” His question was serious but you could tell he wanted to keep things light. After a shrug of yours, he extended the large lemonade bottle and hummed, “okay well here, have some. It’ll make you feel better.”

Gasping, trying to make a joke as you regained your grip on reality, you mused, “that’s exactly what she said you’d say.”

Laughing, though somewhat nervous, Jae said, “shut up.”

“Oh my god, that too!”

You pointed at him while your free hand grasped the lemonade to have a sip. He began laughing now, noticing how your skin lit up and laughed. Leading you and the dogs away, you began to talk about whack-a-mole and left the situation behind you.

Once the sun started to get low in the sky, Hyun suggested going home. He mentioned something about exhausting all his resources and you immediately apologized, offering to pay him back but he shook his head no.

“I told you to come out, so it’s fine.” He looked confident in his answer. Immediately, you wanted to point out that this wasn’t a date but something stopped you. Even if he did invite you out, he didn’t have to pay.

Chewing on this, you fell slightly silent on the way home. He didn’t seem to mind it, not needing to say much either. Instead, he stopped and let Barly and Honey off their leashes, calling them back every few moments to train them off-leash. You paid attention to him and the dogs, being soft but firm. They seemed to really listen. You once heard that someone who loves animals has to be kind-hearted. Silently, you thought of how much warmth was within his heart and who could possibly abandon him.

Thinking of his parents leaving him home often made you hurt. You wondered how often he felt like he wasn’t enough. He would text you and ask to come over and you thought it was just to hang out but maybe it was to fill a void he felt. Stepping a few paces behind him to watch him well, you felt like you could see him so much clearer. It made your heart well. With all this hurt, he was still as kind as ever. It was hard to imagine. You doubted you would be as nice as him in his circumstances.

“You okay?” he asked, turning his head to see you stopped in your tracks. Your jaw, which had dropped slightly, came back into place as you tried to compose yourself. With a nod, you hurried up beside him and murmured about something being on your mind. When he asked what, you felt it might be inappropriate so you said something else, trying to cover it all up.

“Well, I was just thinking about what the psychic would have said to you. You’re really good with dogs and all, it might have some supernatural reason.” The fib was easy enough to make, though you did feel a bit bad about it. Maybe you shouldn’t have lied and let the opportunity to talk about something genuinely serious slip but you had to. It wasn’t your place to ask him. Deep down, you felt this was the right choice.

Thinking hard, though letting his laughs get the most of him as he spoke, he began, “she’d probably be like ‘oh, you are one with the dog. Your ancestors lived in caves and were werewolves. You were grown up on the soil and a natural hunter.”

As he continued his little schpiel, he became more and more dramatic, and it made you laugh. With your elbow, you touched his side and told him to be quiet. His eyes became the biggest crescents as he giggled; he was so perfect, he looked almost drawn. Once that subsided, he asked if you still had the cotton candy which he’d got earlier on. It was in a plastic bag which you pressed into your small backpack and you struggled to get out.

Without hesitation, you both began to share the bag and talked as you did so, his voice not letting you slip into your mind again. He enjoyed to share things, even if they were meaningless, but you loved to listen to what he said. Slowly, you stopped eating and just let him talk, watching as he kept his animated voice all throughout a story or listened to your small responses.

“Can you hold this for a second?” he mumbled, looking ahead and calling for the dogs to stop. Doing as you were asked, you came to a pause as he handed you the bag. Your houses were beginning to show just behind him and you nearly asked why he’d stopped but then his fingers curled around your sleeves and began cuffing them.

“They’ll get dirty from the sugar,” he said so absentmindedly. Then, he quickly dropped your hands and plucked the bag from your fingers. Entirely embarrassed, you brought one hand up to your face and felt the heat there. This time, you couldn’t blame it on the sun, since the bill of your cap stretched far enough to cover most of your cheeks and nose.

“W-what did you do that for?” The question was asked even though you knew the answer he gave. From the side of your eye, you saw his face turn to see you, his smile so soft. Though most of his face was shrouded from the cap, the sun hardly any help as it rested its cheeks against the hills of your little town, you could tell there was something changed in his eyes.

Softly, his fingers came to twist with yours, fitting in the spaces between yours. He was so light, so careful to not make you do anything you didn’t want to do. You didn’t know how to say that this was what you wanted to do the whole day, how you’d thought of holding his hand and bringing him closer almost everyday you spent together. So, you didn’t say anything at all. You simply closed your fingers around his. At this, he brought you the slightest bit closer and you walked home together, blind to how silly and large your smile was.

I truly cherish every moment we’ve spent together. We would walk around doing nothing and feel like we were doing the most daring things. We were alive but I felt like we were really existing. I sound like a stupid romance novel but it was hard not to romanticize everything about you. You were and are so present in my mind that I have to write this to let you go. I can’t be with you and we both know that. When you let go of my hand, I could see it in your eyes. You couldn’t do it again and neither could I. I can’t sit there and fall for you more and more. God, is this even love?

I don’t know the answer to that. All I know is you overwhelm me and make me so nervous. I’m glad for everything we’ve done but I don’t think I can take anymore. I want to be free of it. I like you so much that I can’t take it. Please take it away from me. Please.

From y/n y/l/n. On June 28th, 2016.

The oven beeping snapped Jaehyun out of his head. Quickly, he moved to take the chicken strips out, nearly forgetting to put on oven mitts. He was so wrapped up in what you’d written. He was sure you’d done this at the time yo’d written it. It was so fresh in your mind then that every moment you described- he could feel them. He was there, watching you watch him. He could imagine it all, reading how you felt and pairing it with his heart.

Two years ago. It was so confusing back then. He had so many emotions but he didn’t know what they meant only that he liked you too; but then there was age and college. He wasn’t going to be here and you were going to forget. You were right and he hated that. He hated that, in his eyes, it was over before it started. He wished it wasn’t like that. He wanted to see you but it wasn’t that easy now, was it? You were dating someone now and he couldn’t get between that. He even saw you at Christmas. You seemed so happy.

Frustrated, Jaehyun practically tossed the tray onto his counter, the metal shaking in its spot. The sound resonated through his empty house.

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