#and despite that i've still found comfort in identifying with it and in being friends with others who identify with it as well | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aptericia · 3 months

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Not proud to be here.

Ok, here goes draft like 5 of this fucking post. I spent 4 hours tossing and turning in bed last night thinking about this, and then this morning I found a tumblr post that really helped me understand what I was trying to say.

The post talks about how aromantic "advocates" claim that "aros don't take up resources, so there's no reason not to include them!" And if that's actually what people believe, I think I can finally articulate why it is that I feel so alienated in queer spaces.

It's because aspecs in general aren't "welcomed" by much of the queer community. We're tolerated. We perhaps get the luxury of not being contradicted on our own identities, or not being specifically kicked out of LGBTQ-only spaces, but that's the whole point: what we get out of the queer "community" is people NOT doing things, not actually doing things FOR us. And that, frankly, is not enough. We deserve conversations about us. We deserve to have others consider our feelings, even when making lighthearted jokes. We deserve varied, respectful representation in media. We deserve the active deconstruction of amatonormativity in society. We deserve to have space made for us, rather than at most being told we should "go take up more space!" ourselves.

Of course, the reality is that my being aspec is a personal matter that does not inherently affect anyone else. But the same can be said for literally any queer identity. Your being gay doesn't say anything about me, so of course I shouldn't hurt you for it, but why should I help you either? Because your happiness and comfort are important. The same goes for aspecs.

And most of the time, I don't even need anyone to make space for or expend resources on me; I can live fine in everyday, non-queer-specific places without mentioning my identity at all. But it's the queer community that claims it will make that space for me, doesn't, and then acts defensive and morally pure if I call out the hypocrisy because "we're queer too, you can't erase our identities to advocate for yours!!!!"

Again, this post isn't about specifics. I have queer friends who are incredibly thoughtful and supportive about my identity, just as I have non-queer friends who are. I find more solidarity in aspec-only communities, as well as trans/genderqueer ones, although there are still many exceptions. This post is also not about amatonormative ideology, which is extremely common from queer and non-queer people alike. This post is about the reason I've felt so betrayed by the queer community.

On a personal note, I remember being so excited when I started identifying as aromantic (and later asexual). Fitting myself into labels has been a lifelong struggle for me; to this day I still can't confidently say if I'm White or PoC, neurotypical or neurodivergent, abled or disabled, cisgender or not cisgender. I continue to struggle making friends because I don't fall into social cliques. To discover that I officially, certainly, was LGBTQ+ lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. And now I'm just so sad to find that despite that, I'm still stuck in the middle. I didn't get rewarded with a community. I still feel alienated from both queer and non-queer people. I know it was silly to get my hopes up when there's such vast diversity in both groups, but it really was a disappointment. Going to my first Pride parade last year was really the moment where I realized this.

#my art #lgbtq+#lgbtqia #queer #aromantic #aro #aromantic asexual #aroace #aspec #social commentary #aro tag #eyestrain #<- idk?#kissing #long post #aphobia #arophobia #vent art

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mitch4tune · 3 months

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My Aroace Journey

Teacher during Sex Ed: You'll all feel sexual attraction at some point. Me, years later, still waiting and panicking: Where is it? *manic chuckle* Wh... Where the hell is it...??

I've only really celebrated Valentine's Day once (aside from exchanging cards with my class in elementary school), so I'll contribute to the aromantic awareness that's been trending on Tumblr by sharing my experience of how I found out I'm aroace.

I first heard of the term "asexual" in an LGBTQ context in September or October of 2020 because of Alastor's sexuality being officially confirmed. "Very interesting! Can't be me," I thought.

I got into researching and asking reddit anyway. I think I determined that I'm ace later that year in October.

In April of 2021, the thought of me possibly being aromantic as well struck me. I hated that thought, telling myself, "I've already had one thing taken away; why do I have to lack something else?!"

(I want to clarify that lacking sexual and romantic attraction doesn't make someone any less of a person.)

Once I accepted that I'd probably never fall in love, I ironically got into a romantic relationship in July and determined that I'm demiromantic. During that relationship, I experienced waking up looking forward to messaging them each day, seeing the world in more saturated colours, and even properly enjoyed my first Valentine's Day date. I'm forever grateful for all of that.

The relationship lasted a little more than a year before I fell out of love (that doesn't mean I don't still love them; I'm just not in love anymore). A year after the breakup, a friend suggested that I could be cupioromantic. I joined the subreddit and described my situation, to which someone recommended I check out r/lithromantic.

I spent a long time feeling like I'd gotten robbed of something again ("Why can I even fall in love if that's going to be taken away after it's returned?"), but I eventually accepted my orientation despite still getting sad about it every now and then.

I speculated on another part of my identity from January to February of 2024. I'm not comfortable saying what it is yet, but I will say that a big part of that ordeal was spent worrying about how my identity would affect other people, which is ridiculous; your identity is part of you; not anyone else.

I only told two people because I felt disgusting for the thought even having crossed my mind randomly. I don't know why, since I'll always speak in favor of people who identify that way. But I still felt that way, no matter how much I reassured myself. No matter how much those two friends reassured me.

I came to the conclusion that it doesn't apply to me (though I'm not putting it completely off the table).

That brings us to now. I'm exhausted. (^ ^ ;) I'll end this off with some memes I saved up while I was still in the closet. Happy Valentine's Day!

#aromantic #aro #aroace #asexual #demiromantic #lithromantic #questioning identity #lgbtq community #long post

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skynapple · 2 months

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Budding Romance | Ch. 4

Love and Deepspace | Jeremiah x MC / slow-burn / friends-to-lovers

warnings: none

Multi-chapter | A03 link

Beginning | <- Prev | Next ->

Back in the present, new friends begin to reconnect. Pizza will be had.

[Present]

“She…died.” He had said. The air hung around them, dust sparkling in the glow of the grow lights around the store.

Her stunned expression turned somber, crystalline eyes brimming with compassion. ”Oh my God, I'm so sorry. What..." Her sentence trailed off as she hesitated to ask.

It’s not that he’d wanted to bring up the subject so quickly, but he couldn’t help it. After years of being one of her closest friends, all he wanted to do was catch up, brimming with desire to share his happenstances. He was trying his best to keep it contained, remembering the fact that he had no right to expect immediate closeness with someone who was nearly a stranger.

"I was young. Brash. In love. Proposed after like, 6 months. I guess she was into that.” He shook his head, reminiscing. “She passed away before we got married. Car accident."

More like the Deepspace Portal event 30 years ago.

"But it was... humbling, and beautiful, being with her. She loved this little shop.” I wish you could have met her. She would have loved you. You would have gotten along so well.

"Philo...It means love. Because you loved her."

He nodded. The dirt he’d accidentally smeared on his brow began to irritate the skin, and he instinctually rubbed it again, making it worse. “Don’t worry about me. I’m ok. It was years ago now.” After so much time had passed, it was the truth.

Meanwhile she stood across him, only a little comforted, a light ache in her heart at the topic and slight embarrassment after being the one who initiated the conversational direction.

Seeing her expression and immediately wanting to comfort her, he smiled, "Trust me, she's looking after this place. I've had nothing but good luck here." His grin widened. "Even you walked in."

---

A season later, it was a warm spring day, with flower blossoms floating through the light breeze, adding a romantic touch to the environment, but the shop was closed, and Jeremiah had no idea what the weather looked like. There he sat in the secret back room of his shop, plugging away at research and data. Several chat windows were open - an entire network of Lightseekers utilizing adapted technology with the remains of what was with them from so long ago, still quite advanced compared to what earth contained me.

He’d instant messaged Xavier a few coordinates and some wanderer identification, paused to stare thoughtfully at his phone and added,

[Take care of her if she's with u.]

Seconds later, [Not coming.] was all he received in response.

Course not. Let me guess, ditched her. Again. He only thought it to himself, stretching his right shoulder. The hours had passed quickly, and he’d completely lost track of it all. When he finally stood, his knees cracked from lack of movement. Grogginess threatened to plague his mind. There was still so much to do.

A growl escaped his stomach. He grumbled. Not enough groceries for anything quick. Instant noodles for the 3rd day in a row? No. Delivery was too expensive when he was quite literally in a walkable downtown area. He grumbled once more, sleepily grabbed his keys, and headed out the door.

He ended up at a nearby pizza place and despite the noisy interior, found himself beginning to nod off as soon as he sat down at a booth in a far corner to await his order.

Unbeknownst to him, several minutes past. A warm hand on his shoulder stirred him, although it took him moment to get his bearings. He straightened, rubbing his eyes, straining to identify who the hand was connected to through his bleary state.

"Wow, birds of a feather." A familiar voice said.

What is she doing here?

"Hmm?"

"I wasn't sure if it was you, but then they must have called your name a dozen times. I grabbed your order for you."

She indicated to what she placed across him.

"Oh, sorry. Thanks."

"You ok?"

He rolled his neck, not entirely remembering the sequence that put him in the shop, and still processing her presence. Sleeping in public too? Now that was something he hoped Xavier never discovered. "Just pulled an all-nighter. I'm good."

"That's what Xavier said. Hah. You two really are similar.”

Ah, so they’re talking at least. That’s good.

Jeremiah picked up his slice, not minding that she was still sat next to him. "Did he also tell you he's headed to the no-hunt zone without you?” He prodded, half-curious, half-hoping that this would fall back on Xavier somehow.

“What?"

Her flabbergasted expression rang genuine to him, making him chuckle. Got ‘em.

"You did not hear that from me."

She spent a minute texting Xavier, muttering to herself under her breath. Immediately after, his own phone lit up. He decided to not look at it.

"You gonna join him?" He said between chews. The restaurant seemed to pick up in business now, and he glanced non-chalant at the growing line. Distracted, he observed it.

She scowled, leaning her head on her hands, almost pouting. "I wasn't assigned like he was..." A sigh. "And today's my day off."

“The guy can handle himself, don't worry." A bubble of irritation rose through him, and he felt the fought the urge to roll his eyes. It was a habitual response, born from years and years of needing to reassure her. Of course she was like this cause he left her. She didn't have to try to sound so tough about it. "He'll return to you before you know it."

Except, this time, she only shrugged. "Yeah ok. You know he just does what he wants. Shows up when he wants. And hey, pizza or wanderers... tough choice but I think I made the right one." She nudged him with a free arm.

He felt himself smile tiredly. Despite still getting accustomed to the differences in her personality, he appreciated that it felt like he could be friends with her in this life too. He was beginning to look forward to the ways she surprised him. Just what was in that brain of hers?

"What are you doing after this?" She asked casually enough.

"Going to bed."

"Makes sense.” She stood finally, brushing a few long dark strands behind her ear and smiled warmly. "Well, I'll let you go. I'm meeting up with an old friend today. Don't wanna be late."

“Have fun. See ya.”

It not that he wasn’t thrilled to see her, it wasn’t even the tiredness in his brain, but the fact now that she was a little more playful, a little more curious, a lot more casual, he was struggling to wrap his head around it. There were moments when it felt very surreal being around her. The fluctuations in her tone, the way she pointed things out, obviously her appearance and the way her eyes were so expressive all stuck out to him.

It’s her, but it's… not. But it unmistakably is.

And yet it was a very comforting thing, being reunited after all this time. When he was around her, he felt a little more like his old self, an old self he’d nearly forgotten. He smiled to himself and finished his now cold pizza, a little amused at himself that she’d been the one to find him in this state. Memories of late nights in encampments, watching over each other through the long nights, chiding each other over small things, the bickering, the banter.

Fine, I missed you.

#madi writes #jeremiah x mc #lnds jeremiah #love and deepspace jeremiah #love and deepspace mc #love and deepspace xavier #lnds xavier #lnds mc #lnds #l&ds #love and deepspace

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prince-liest · 7 months

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ARO/ACE NAVELGAZING

Now that I've unlocked the final square on my ell gee bee tee bingo card, I've begun to wonder how much of my gender thing is sourced in being an aroace thing. I find that despite being 27 years old, being called "girl" has never actually quite bothered me, but the word "woman" in relation to myself is so viscerally unappealing that I can't find any way in my imagination to comfortable with it. I've noticed that about myself before, but I've never really thought about it overmuch, and now I'm wondering if it is because "adult woman" is a status that is just inextricably connected with being an object of sexuality and romance in my mind for messy societal misogyny reasons.

I've always identified extensively with robot/android/AI characters - Breq from Imperial Radch, Murderbot from the Murderbot Diaries, Connor from Detroit: Become Human - and I used to think that it was, in fact, the gender thing.

But the other thing all of those characters have in common is that they're not canonically subjects of romance or sexuality and, in fact, in some cases are explicitly portrayed as finding those things repugnant. Further introspection also reminds me that I've found similar comfortable relatability in female characters who aren't inhuman in any way, but also aren't involved in romance in any major way. Archivist Wasp comes to mind, and so does Baru Cormorant (who is very notably a lesbian, which is an active threat to her existence, but did not feel to me like she ever had a romance so much as she had close, complicated, painfully unromantic yet codependent relationships that she then destroyed - though I haven't read the third book).

In those cases of female protagonists who aren't involved in romance, they are significantly more relatable than non-romantic male protagonists because non-romantic male protagonists still feel very male to me. Society and media don't usually hinge male characters' masculinity on their romantic and sexual experiences in the same way that feels like a default for female characters. And in comparison, female characters that aren't involved in romance still experience the societal consequences of being female, which are important to my ability to relate to a character. And in the meanwhile, separating them from any romance feels like it de-sexes them in the narrative, in a way. I get that I'm reading a female character, but I don't feel like I'm reading about a woman because woman is something that has been drilled into my head as "object of sexualization and romance."

Despite the lack of discomfort, "girl" is still not a word I identify with strongly. Rather, it feels more like a safe mask, particularly since most of the people who use it are people who I do in fact have to mask with. But it's a comfortable mask. It's not one that I mind. In contrast, any time someone calls me a "woman" it makes me want to crawl out of my fucking skin. On the other hand, being called "boy" was outright delightful as a kid. On the third mutant hand presumably growing out of my rib cage, I strongly identify with the term "lesbian" because I feel like it encompasses many of my experiences, ranging from misogyny to compulsory heterosexuality. It just also turns out that the discomfort I feel at someone being interested in me isn't restricted just to men.

Coming to the realization of the aroace thing feels freeing in the sense that I no longer feel like I have to seek and perform romance that I have no interest in, and that I'm allowed to continue being comfortable in my skin without ever wanting a romantic partner. However, it does also certainly highlight how strongly I value my platonic friends and makes me wish that deep platonic relationships and non-sexual closeness were more normalized in society. I've spent a long time mentally prodding my feelings about closeness with people with a stick (particularly the way that they are sometimes very hot-and-cold), and I think a lot of it comes from the fact that I do in fact really value closeness and intimacy, but that on top of having strict personal limits, I am also just extremely put off by this perpetual undercurrent of anxious concern that what if someone thinks this is not platonic.

People having romantic interest in me is very stressful and frequently makes me aggressively disinclined to be around that person at all, and I have not always handled that well in the past. I actually recently had someone (cishet, unfamiliar with the term) say that the very concept of being aro/ace sounds like a code word for "intimacy issues." Which sucks! I didn't see that statement coming and had a difficult time explaining how incredibly not-uncomfortable I am with intimacy. If I had any desire for sexual or romantic intimacy, it would not be even remotely anxiety-inducing to acquire. Source: Been there, done that, it was gross. I am very full of love. I would just like it to be platonic. The wires simply don't run in the direction of romance for me and I want people to stop assuming that they do whenever I do express fondness.

Shout out to the one friend I have that actually did have a crush on me but never acted on it because she picked up what I was putting down before I realized what I was putting down, pfft. She is the best. I can't wait to further irrevocably integrate myself into her life and babysit her future children.

Anyway, I'm gonna go bury myself in another several dozen Hank & Connor fucked up found family fics and also continue to emotionally identify with robots because that is how I see myself emotionally, which I am very comfortable with.

#personal #this is introspection #this is NOT political or queer analysis #don't come at me for committing wrongthink I'm just trying to figure my own shit out here #shoutout to my ego for this literally never having been a “what's wrong with me” problem #and literally always having been a “what's wrong with other people” problem lmfaooooooooo #long post #sexuality #introspection #navelgazing

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parvulous-writings · 18 days

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I have several questions about your BG3 ocs again! I'm still curious!

What are Renton Hillmane, Thornbrooke, Markus Bluebrook, and Ilvon Leafgrace's sexualities/sexual presences?

How are their families & friends like?

Romantic partners if they had any or are any of them dating anyone?

Fears/Phobias?

Best traits?

Worst traits?

Secrets whether it's something they would never admit or only if they truly trust someone enough to tell?

Would you accept x gn reader requests for your ocs that I asked about? Only if you don't mind of course! Thanks! - Fluff anon

Notes: Anon.. I would Love to write requests for these characters! I've always wanted to write for my ocs, but I'm often nervous to - the only person I know (besides now yourself) who enjoys these is my best friend!! So I only have limited pictures of these characters, so I'll save them for if/when there are full oneshots! Thank you to @rey-is-not-a-skywalker for some help with some parts (both whilst writing this, and in the past!) My requests are currently open, though limited! My pinned post (found here) contains both a list of characters I write for, and a masterlist! Original character list - please request for these too!

Renton

Renton is bisexual - when he left the family farm at the start of his adventure he identified as straight, but after travelling with the companions after the Nautiloid, he discovers that he is in fact bisexual.

He comes from a family of two; himself, and his father - if you don't count the abundance of animals on the farm. His mother died when he was very, very young. Renton and his father are very close, and his father (Acton) is the one who encouraged Renton to seek out adventure in the wider world, so that he could be sure in the decision to stay on the Hillmane farm.

Canonically, Renton is in a relationship with Gale, and this is his first relationship (and also his queer awakening).

Renton is scared of most monsters; so the beginning of the adventure is quite difficult for him, as he often gets frozen in fear. This also, unfortunately, extends to Astarion. This poor man is absolutely terrified of Astarion when he finds out he's a vampire. The first time he sees a Beholder he is screeching like nothing on earth. He also doesn't like balloons (including hot air balloons.)

His best trait, without a doubt, is his optimism - one of the few ways that his naivety serves him well. No matter what he's faced with, he always manages to find a way to think on the bright side, no matter how bleak the situation is. His worst trait is probably his stubbornness; back home, there was no problem that couldn't be solved with a bit of elbow grease, and it takes a long time to try and get over that idea when he's travelling.

He sometimes serenades himself in the mirror when he's feeling or looking good. They also will put on mini shows for themselves as if they're at a concert - he does an amazing rendition of Song of Balduran when he learns it.

Micheal

Micheal is pansexual; the gender of his partner is of little relevance to him, what matters more is the connection he has with them. He's had quite a few flings in the past whilst on the road, but he feels little shame about it, he's very comfortable in himself.

Micheal comes from a large immediate family - and also views a lot of his close neighbours as family too! He has his mother and father, and his three younger brothers, all of whom he loved very much (despite the youngest of those three brothers being only a baby when he left.) His mother and father are both half-elves, so he and his brothers are as well.

Canonically, Micheal courts Shadowheart, finding himself most drawn to her out of all the companions he travels with; this being said, however, his partners have been of all classes, creeds and races, there's not really any pattern - he just wants someone he can bond with and feel close to.

Micheal's biggest fears are being forgotten by his family, and becoming like those he has sworn to take down - the men who take things too far, kill too often. He's often grappling with the line between man, and monster - and whether he's crossed that line, despite fighting for the good of the world.

His best trait is his loyalty; it's not that he's loyal to a fault, but he's loyal until he knows that there is reason not to be. He looks for the good in people, and tries to bring it out of them as well. His worst trait is probably the fact that he pushes himself far too much; he puts others before him so much that he doesn't always take care of himself properly. He also has a temper - which although he is difficult to anger, can get out of hand if he does lose his cool.

His biggest secret probably is the fact that his family were once slaves; he himself was never one, but whilst it is a point of pride to be a freeman, in his father's eyes, Micheal rarely ever talks about it, unless he's deciding to be more open with someone that he really trusts.

Markus

Markus has a slight preference for men when it comes to his love life, but wouldn't refuse someone if he felt a connection with someone else. He doesn't exactly use labels, letting his heart wander wherever it desires.

Markus' family is long gone, and he refuses to speak on them. When pushed, he'll reply with; "Silvanus is my father, and nature is my mother. Speak no more of this to me - you know me, and I believe that is all that matters." He is, of course, close friends with Ilvon as well, who acts like a quasi-big brother to him. He was also the 'ward' of Laenna (as previously mentioned) up until their separation.

Markus doesn't have a current romantic partner - and in fairness, he's still very sour and struggling to sift through his own emotions in regards to the shadow curse. Much like Halsin, he'll probably search for a partner after the curse has been lifted.

Markus' biggest fear is being unable to see his home in it's former glory - free of the Shadow curse, and thriving in harmony with nature. It's a plague of a thought, but it's never far from his mind.

His best trait is probably his ability to lead; he's headstrong and confident, which helps him to corrale Harpers, Druids, and others alike when it comes to eventually storming Moonrise Towers. His worst trait is without a doubt his temper; it's unruly and he struggles to keep it under control.

(If the shadowcurse is lifted) He keeps Laenna's shadow-vestige in a small, protective case, labelled with a plaque that reads "The night is darkest before the dawn. May the Morninglord give us strength to see it through." In remembrance of her, and her duty to Lathander.

Ilvon

Ilvon is a man who puts emotional connection above physical appearance when it comes to his relationships; he also, like Markus, doesn't really use labels. He's very free when it comes to love and relationships.

Ilvon left his family to pursue the life of a druid, and hasn't had much contact with them since. He still sends letters to his family, but doesn't receive any replies. He doesn't mind, though, he accepts that his desertion of his family may weigh heavily on them.

Ilvon also doesn't have any romantic partners at the current time; he hasn't managed to form that connection with anyone at Last Light; but he has had a few relationships in the past, which varied in length and partner. He typically gravitates to more open minded people than anyone else, since they seem to accept him and his lifestyle more than most others.

Ilvon is scared of the dark. If there's minimal light he can just about manage, but if there's no light then he's hit with a paralysing fear that makes his chest feel very tight - he's also afraid of heights. He can kind of get over it by not looking down, though!

His best trait is his patience - he has an abundance of it! He's the perfect mentor for unruly children in this regard, always making sure to treat them with kindness, no matter what they through his way. It also gives him the ability to sit for long periods of time - such as whilst hunting or waiting to attack an enemy. His worst trait is probably the fact that he doesn't always know how to assert himself in certain situations. He focuses a lot on being kind, and sometimes accepts workloads that over-burden him, when he should have just said no, but couldn't bring himself to.

He doodles little pictures of his friends, or animals, from time to time - though if caught or asked about it, he will utterly deny it. He's self-conscious of his artwork and mostly only does it to keep himself occupied, and entertain himself.

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princesssarisa · 3 months

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Autism headcanon: Runt (Animaniacs)

Maybe this is cheating. Maybe this is less of a headcanon than it is canon in all but name, because Runt's voice and verbal tics are based on an explicitly autistic movie character: Dustin Hoffman's character Raymond Babbitt from Rain Man. This is probably why he and Rita were left out of the 2020 Animaniacs reboot, since it's not very PC to have a goofy cartoon dog caricature an autistic movie character's speech patterns.

Still, I've always liked Runt and I still do. Until I saw someone else point it out, it never occurred to me that his autistic-seeming mannerisms could be offensive. As a person on the spectrum myself, I've always found him relatable.

Here are the reasons why:

*He compulsively repeats sentences and words – especially his favorite word, "definitely."

*He often talks out loud to himself.

*His physical actions can be compulsive too. For example, when someone throws a ball, he has to chase it. Or when he sees a dangling tablecloth, he has to charge at it and tug it with his teeth. And almost every time he hears the word "cat," he goes into a wild, snarling rage, threatening to tear it to pieces... yet never once realizing that his best friend Rita is a cat.

*While he doesn't usually show the savant skills of his Rain Man counterpart, he does show a hint of them now and then. For example, when he points out that a rock pile contains 147 rocks, or when he instantly identifies a dish of fish as Mahi-Mahi.

*He's very literal-minded and doesn't understand sarcasm. This causes headaches for Rita, since he constantly misunderstands her sarcastic remarks.

*He tends to be oblivious to the world around him, and he often doesn't recognize danger or notice when a seemingly friendly person is behaving suspiciously. This is why Rita needs to look out for him. That said, he's not completely clueless, and rises to the occasion whenever Rita or someone else he cares about is threatened.

*His debut episode implies that he's never responded to normal training methods. Despite being an adult dog, he's still not housebroken and still chews things, which is why his owner abandoned him at the pound.

*Despite his sweet nature and devotion to Rita, he sometimes shows an innocent lack of empathy and obliviousness to Rita's discomfort. For example, when he shakes rain water onto her, or eats food that she was about to eat, or doesn't notice when a human is mistreating her as long as he's being treated well. This is all naïve and unintentional, however, and in the rare moments when he realizes he's upset Rita, he's always contrite.

*Sometimes in scary situations, when the obvious thing to do would be to spring into action, he freezes up instead. For example, the first time Rita fights the Nazi dog in "Puttin' on the Blitz," or when Ross Perot almost falls over the waterfall in "Icebreakers." That said, he always comes through and takes action when it matters most – namely whenever Rita is in danger.

*He seems to particularly like music and find it comforting, especially Rita's songs. He can even hear the word "cat" without going into a berserker rage as long as Rita sings it. But then, who wouldn't be soothed by her beautiful voice?

#animaniacs #cartoon #autism headcanon #runt #runt the dog #rita and runt #frank welker #rain man #tw: dustin hoffman #autism #autism spectrum #headcanon

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judasgodness · 1 year

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Aro week

I'm going to talk a lot about loneliness here because it's my experience as an aromantic having, amazingly, my own life and psychological and social problems to deal with.

Before discovering myself aroace, I always thought about how good this sexuality should be, because someone who doesn't feel romantic or sexual attraction is someone who was born completely armored. Someone who had no chance of getting a broken heart must have been born very lucky. God really does have his favorites.

I already knew it wasn't quite like that, but I found (and still do) that illusion amusing.

However, as I got to know this sexuality more, I identified myself and became even more familiar with it, but I denied it because it was impossible for me to have been "born armored", after all I am afraid of spending the rest of my life alone, despite since then this is an idea that I've made peace with.

But I'm not the only aroace who feels that way, right? Someone who has emotions and is lonely (in the romantic sense or who feels that they are not the priority in someone's life) feels the loneliness solidifying as time goes by.

And I'm certainly not the only one who has "forced" himself to like someone or just stuck with a certain person because he didn't know and didn't want to deal with his own frustrations alone.

Although the idea of being lonely is something I've come to terms with, when I find myself thinking about the future I imagine two situations: one where someone is interested in me romantically, it's not reciprocated and we move away. It's an imagination of my desire to be desired mixed with the only realistic end I can think of. And in the other I imagine myself living in a place close to the beach, with children and having the same closeness that I have today with my family and friends, and in this imagined future I realize that I am genuinely happy, even in the only way I know how to live: more distant and lonely.

So that's how I realized that I still want to have a family, living close to my favorite place. And there's no one like my life partner in this dream simply because I don't imagine that person could exist. Even if it makes me a little sad to think that I'll never be someone's priority, it's still a comfortable dream, it's still something I wish I had just because, put it that way, it feels like there's something missing.

But if something or someone comes along, it's welcome.

However, despite all this loneliness that I feel is something very real, it's not the only thing.

Imagine that you are assembling a puzzle little by little, but the last piece is lost somewhere and when you finally find it, you think you were in the most obvious place in the world and rush to fit it in its rightful place.

This is exactly how I feel every time I find something about myself. The path to discovering yourself aro(ace) is certainly a journey and, depending on the person, the fear of loneliness will be something that will haunt you for a long time, but still the feeling of "fuck it all makes sense" is there, mainly because with that understanding comes the realization that there's nothing wrong with you just because you didn't have any interest in a romantic relationship in high school, or curiosity (enough) to want to try dating and casual sex even though you're already 19 years old.

And sometimes I can feel attracted to someone to the point of imagining a lifetime with that person, but that (at least so far) doesn't mean that I have real interest in living all those things with that person. Sometimes I just want to imagine how I imagine any other story anyway. Because it's cool, because that person aroused this interest in me and it's something comfortable. Or sometimes because I really had a crush on the person.

But the saddest (and most revolting) thing (because everything I've said so far is my own thing) is when I feel the questions and judgments coming out of people's pores who think I'm weird because I don't have anyone I like.

"Ah but surely you already liked someone", already, nothing happened and nothing changed.

"But is there anyone who likes you?" If there is, I don't know, but it's probably going to be someone I don't want.

You know, asking me if someone likes me or if I'm interested in someone or if I'm seeing someone just makes me unhappy, because it reminds me that, in this world, I'm basically alone and even rejected, which makes me feel feel weird, pissed off and depressed.

Weird because "what do you mean I don't have anyone?"

Pissed because "fuck I have no peace in this shit".

Depressed because "nobody wants me (if someone shows up wanting me I don't. Let me wallow in my drama in peace)".

#aro week #aro #arromantico #aromanitc #aromantism #lgbtqia+#lgbtqia #lgbt

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butchered-icarian · 1 year

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Man, I think fandoms are fucking great.

Because like, back in 2020, during the pandemic, I had to go back to my parent's home and this was one of the most depressing events that ever happened to me thus far, I was beaten down and all that. The situation was bad *bad*, on top of that, I didn't know who I was, or what I was anymore. Then I blinked and I found myself stumbling back into the Les Mis fandom, then a little bit deeper this time, because way back in 2012 I was still fairly a kid, right. So I got back to the Les Mis fandom, get myself a discord account and determined to learn how to use it this time, then joined a server.

It was wonderful, because honestly, at that point I identified myself as bisexual and genderfluid, despite that I was way more comfortable whenever someone addressed me as a dude, because you know, innerlised transphobia - and let me tell you, I've never interacted with so many queer people who are so proud of being themselves: trans people, genderfluid people, non-binary people, you name it. Which got me started questioning myself, y'know, as one would.

And then Elliot Page came out. I love T.U.A and Vanya at the moment was one of the characters I enjoyed dearly, and I adore Elliot Page, so when he came out, something in me cracked along with it the moment I saw him on Oprah and was beaming with genuine happiness and relief. That's when I know, so not long afterwards, I came out.

After that, I rejoined the Star Wars fandom. Well, I write, but at the time, I've basically swore off writing, because I found discontentment everytime words hit the paper. I couldn't write long because I couldn't stay focus, and I was too busy wallowing myself in what would people perceive of my writings, and whether the thing that I wrote entertain others or not; that I was in constant jealousy of friends who also write and have better view counts. So I decided to stop. Then I found love in Star Wars again with The Mandalorian and the odd pair of DinLuke, which was why I joined the big DL server back then.

This time I was greeted with a space full of - let's say - people who are ahead in life, people who are way older than me, basically internet grandparents etc. - and they're still here kicking in fandom space and write stories about characters they love. I looked at them and I thought, wow, I want to be like them when I grow up. I want to stop feeling miserable all the time and make it that far in life still being able to do what I love and enjoy like they do. So I started working on myself. I got myself to seek professional help. My therapist, though I was only able to did few sections with her, was extremely helpful. I started nudging myself towards the light, then I started writing again.

People in the server were so helpful. They gave me advices and tips, encouraged me endlessly, until finally, after years, I was able to write something that I found myself truthfully enjoy, not for the sake of anyone else.

Which then later lead me to the Top Gun fandom, which I was never able to imagine myself being interested, yet here we are. This fandom really is something, a celebration of creation if I may say so - I've lost count of the events currently hosted within the fandom space, but it's a joy knowing you can always jump into one anytime of the month - and once again I found myself surrounded by writers, who are cheerful and encouraging, which lead to me finally joining NaNoWriMo officially without bailing out for the first time ever. The joy of November, waking up to work then whenever I got to rest, I could always find people scattered from all over the globe to write with me, cheering each other. I was able to write 30k!!! Can you believe it! And now I can't wait for this year's NaNo, because this gave me the boost I need to start working on my original fiction idea.

So yeah. Fandoms are fucking great, and I love my amazing fandom friends that I've made along the way.

#croissant rambles

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mysuperdupersecretsideblog · 10 months

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I've always known I like girls.

My first fictional crushes were girls, and my first real life crushes were girls.

I was outed when I was 11 because someone in my small, conservative, religious town saw me kissing my first girlfriend and I decided to own it because going back in the closet wouldn't do anything since everyone already knew.

So I came out as bisexual.

I only ever kissed, cuddled and held hands with people I dated between the ages of 11-13.

When I started highschool at 14 though, I actually started sleeping with people.

Guys and girls.

Thing was, I was always drunk, high, or both when with guys and half the time with girls.

I slept around A LOT.

I was very neutral to all sex when high or drunk, no matter who I was with.

i was only ever sober with some gorls and I enjoyed that and didn't even process that I had never been sober with a guy.

When exploring my own likes and interest through porn, dating sims, etc, I always found myself leaning more towards women but didn't fully connect.

I also, in highschool, found out about pansexuality and started identifying with that more so than with bisexuality.

So I was pan.

Around this time(16), I came out as trans and started identifying with he/him pronouns.

That confused me about my sexuality even more.

For a very short period of time, I identified as a straight trans man, but then I saw a pretty boy and when back to pan.

Eventually it changed again, I settled on demiromantic, pansexual, upon realizing that I was still very neutral to sex no matter what(I was still crossfaded 90% of the time) but that it was hard for me to properly connect emotionally to anyone until I got really used to them.(This was really mostly guys though. I wasn't with many girls at the time because I was getting physically assaulted for being queer and thought it'd be safer if I dated a lot of guys.)

It went that way for a long time.

Finally, at 23, after a death in my family, my stepdad, who had made it clear he didn't like my sexuality, gender identity, or religion, used that as an excuse to kick me out of the house.

I told my friends about this and some of them panic bought me a plane ticket to their state. So I moved halfway across the country and am living with them now.

Since I've been here, I've had room to explore myself and who I am without having overly scrutinizing eyes watching my every move.

I've realized that I am not a trans man and am actually genderqueer(It/They) and, after having sex for the first time SOBER with a guy and

not feeling neutral

in fact feeling disgusted and kinda sick afterwards

I decided maybe HE was just bad at it.

Despite him actually managing to pull out all the stops and make me cum twice.

Still grasping onto my heteronormativity like a lifeline.

Then another guy.

Great friend.

We date for a while.

Everytime he tries to do anything further than kissing and I actually feel sick.

I hook up with a girl I know as a one time thing.

It feels so right and amazing.

A wonderful experience.

Reminded me of the little flashes of enjoyment in the sober experiences with girls in highschool.

And I finally realized it.

I only like women.

I don't feel right using lesbian to define myself though.

As an afab enby individual, I feel uncomfortable pushing so much implied femininity into my label.

I know that there are a lot of enbys who identify as lesbians and that's fine. I'm happy they have a label that they are comfortable with. It just doesn't suit me, personally.

I did some research, looking up sexualities that define an individual who is not a woman or a man, who loves women.

i finally found it.

Donnasexual

An unaligned nonbinary person who is attracted to exclusively women.

#coming out #I think #sapphic #nblw #queer #lgbt #lgbtqia+#nonbinary #transgender #donnasexual #donnaromantic #realization #my story #gay #tw mentions of homophobia #tw mentions of abuse #tw mentions of transphobia #tw mention of religious discrimination #long post

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thestarseersystem · 2 years

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Um hello! I hope I’m not bothering at all, I was wondering if I could ask a question about being polyfrag? Have you always been polyfragmented? Or is it something you found out later on? Hope your having a great day! ^^

Yeah, so like,, I wouldn't say I've always known, but I may have been always, I don't think someone just becomes a polyfragmented system after they already became a system, it's more like a type.

For the reasons that I believe that I am polyfragmented, I will list, to give you a better understanding.

For starters, I believe polyfragmentation may come from layered trauma, aka, multiple different types of trauma that happens at once. Say, you have trauma for being at home vs being at school, and then, religious trauma on top of that. You might form multiple hosts for reasons like this.

Secondly, I don't necessarily know why I split easily, but fragments are a big part of being polyfragmented. Fragments, in my opinion, are similar to asteroids while full alters are planets. Some fragments may form to make a full alter, while some just orbit around some alters, or orbit around the system itself. Fragments are little inklings/identifiable feelings, like if you ever really related to a character but it wasn't to the extreme.

For that reason, multiple alters in my system, such as introjects, have multiple sources (fragments) that makes up who they are. Like, several introjects in my system, are made up of many parts/sources, but all of those parts aren't individual, they're a part of that specific alter. Such as my introject, Alyce, they have sources from many different alice in wonderland themed media, but all of their sources are just what make up Alyce.

Because of this, "splitting" may not be noticed in my system, lest it be a fully fledged alter. I think we are quite similar to other polyfragmented systems, despite it being difficult to notice. (The adhd brain fog definitely doesn't help).

Also, in the cases of alters that split from one another, many of us share memories, so it's definitely harder to decipher who is who when fronting. For example, as main host, my co-hosts split off from me, rendering little dissociation between the three of us, and several alters like the littles, Alyce, Aiko, Tsuki, Julia, etc., also split off from our main part. Many of us share childhood or previous memories, despite all being different alters. I think that's what can make us different from other systems who have more dissociation between alters.

On the other hand, there are subsystems in our system that I do not share memories with, and it's more difficult to reach some alters or know their names. For one of these subsystems, that host is a gatekeeper, and I am not given free access to their memories, I am only to guess the sort of things that they know. I only found out about them rather recently, and I still don't know the host's name. (We call him big brother, because he is also an innerworld caretaker, also he was previously dormant).

Plus, there are many alters who share similar appearances or are related (twins, triplets, siblings), that seems to be common amongst polyfrag systems.

I don't have a lot of reasons or knowledge, or even know why we function the way we do. But polyfragmented systems seem to be a lot more complex than other systems are. My best friend is a system, and she has much fewer alters than me, and does not switch as often. If she does switch, she experiences possession switches, and forgets more than me.

Because of my connection to several other alters in the system, I tend to guess what's going on more, and seem like I have less memory loss than other systems. But to be honest, I don't know whether or not I experience enough dissociative amnesia in order to be classified as someone with DID. There's multiple types, regardless. The reason why I feel comfortable in the OSDD-1b label is that, I feel safer knowing that I can share memories, and I don't relate to other DID systems as much. I don't have hard barriers, we're all links to a chain, and that might be because of my polyfragmentation.

#ask.txt #sekai.txt #polyfrag #polyfragmentation #it's terribly inconsistent #the cracks started showing a long time ago

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squ1shsqu4sh · 3 months

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MY XENOS!!!

This post isn't style related, but I've been itching to talk about my xenos somewhere! And ppl here seem nice enough so I thought I'd indulge :>>

This post is gonna be kind of long?? And it's no specific order, they're all just the ones I identify with the most out of the ones i have!!

Last thing, i got these from Pintrest, so I might not have all descriptions/creds atm :,<

1. Celestial nonhuman

There's no description, but from what I saw this means your gender feels sort of god/godess like, nonhuman, Angelical, or creature like. Unfortunately there were no specific creds either but I believe this was posted by duskprince on pintrest!

I already know my gender feels very non-human, but if I were to specify it it would be with this xeno(or at least this one would be in the top 3 or so~)!!

2. Inkongender

- desc from pintrest: "someone who has a vague inconsistent relationship with gender! Sometimes they may feel like gender doesn't apply to them at all and other times feel like they may have a gender but can't describe the gendered experience they are having. Despite the vague connection/overall disconnect from gender, they still use gender tables that fit them best and/or collect genders they have a connection to!"

Posted by __ Victor on pintrest!!

My gender has always felt kind of wishy-washy and even though I sort of have a grasp on it more now, it's definitely still blurry and inconsistent!! :>

3. Anomalyic

- desc from pintrest: "a gender term for those who want to be perceived as something beyond human, non-human, or “anomalous” in nature, and for other’s perception of them to be full of uncertainty or as to whether or not they can clearly be defined as human. A desire to have their identity be so shrouded in mystery or so cryptid that it’s unclear if they’re truly from this standard plane of existence."

Coined by snowymogai here on Tumblr

This is probably in the top two for "genders I feel most connected to". Like, I read the desc and was like "yes!! Absolutely!!! This is what I've been looking for!!!!"

4. Humanthing

- desc from pintrest: "a gender relating to feeling like a human but not, as if you know you're human but you don’t feel human. you feel separated from your human identity and you feel comforted / more comfortable being seen as a thing &&/or non-human better."

Coined originally by maidish, but they've moved to engagedkiss I belive :>

Obviously there's a pattern going on lol. My (art) persona actually very much reflects how I interpret my gender now, as in though they appear to be human they are very much not, and that's how I feel!! I think I'll post them here one day :33

5. Universpacic

- desc from pintrest: "a xenogender encompassing the entirety of space and the universe. It is space itself as well as stars, planets, black holes, nebulas, and even the space between those galaxies"

Coined by Jolie ♡ on pintrest

This is actually the first ever xeno I identified with!! I thought for awhile about weather or not it was right for me to seek out xenos to really explain how I experienced my gender, but as soon as I found this one the list kept growing and I don't think I'll ever regret that decision :33

6. Clouvoidic

- desc from pintrest: "a xenogender that is or is connected to clouds and voids. This gender can feel like a void with random floating clouds or the feeling of falling through clouds into a void"

This was posted by Will on pintrest, but they dont own this, so if anyone knows who coined this pls lmk!!!

I saved this one when I started to move on from space genders and started to really notice the nonhuman aspects of my gender (at this time I actually used to send my friends tiktoks of art of these very beautiful creature like beings and would text "gender envy" immediately after, and even tho my tone was jokey I very much felt that way and still do!!)

7. HumanDisconnect

- disc from pintrest: "a gender relating to not feeling human anymore. Feeling totally disconnected with humanity despite still appearing human"

Coined by rottinggri on Tumblr

This is definitely the gender I connect with the most out of all the ones I've got saved up. I feel so inhuman and unnatural (in terms of gender mostly), but in a form that's comprehensive to ppl I guess? Not sure how else to explain it :,>

TYSM FOR READING ALL OF THIS IF U DID!!

I love the way I experience my gender so so much. I love how it connects to my audhd and how it doesnt feel restricted by anyone or anything. It's so freeing to me I can't imagine ever going back to just being a girl and being that way forever. I've felt this way since I was at least 9 or 10, and to be able to put it into words today is amazing. Hopefully one of these days I'll transform into something the human eye can't even comprehend and fly off into space somewhere. But for now, my human body is great and I love it lots (this is all jokes!!....mostly jokes-) <333

Pls lmk if I missed any credit, or if you know any of the ppl I wasn't able to credit so I can edit it asap!! Oh, and srry for any typos :,>

Again ty for reading :>>

Tags 4 reach :P

#xenogender #tldr for last pg my xenos make me so happy!!!#xeno safe #nonhuman #genderqueer #demigirl #I love my xenos #pls feel free to rant about yours to me and talk about your weird and beautiful connection to your gender pls pls #fypシ #silly

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genericfiredemon · 5 months

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A random dump of trauma [or why i stopped worrying about when a friend might backstab me, and just learned to enjoy their presence for what it's worth]

TL;DR: This was going to be a post about me warning people about how to be careful with who you chose to be your friend, but upon revision, I realize that's not the case. Be polite, be efficient, and have a plan to abscond from any toxic community that makes itself hell for you. So for a long LONG time I've spent on the internet I can say that I've probably only had one healthy relationship that lasted several years across the internet, and it was back when I was on Xbox live gold and farting around with other 12-17 yearolds. It was great but we all fizzled out when I lost access to one of my old accounts, but even then at that point life was getting to each one of us one by one. I share this because I think this was the only friend group that I've had online that was genuinely concerned about my well being more often than not, people i was safe sharing some slivers of my living situation with, sure not as much as I'm open to share now but I feel like it was fun. The other 2 major places I had hung out with were less so. One was a far right echo chamber that I had to be threatened with violence (among other things) to get out of [Thank god I actually respect my brother for this] and there was a mentally draining toxic as hell cesspit was slowly wearing me down until I eventual self-exiling. Not going to name names but, respectively These communities were a Doom Multiplayer Community, and the other was a Youtube community. The former I joined during the Height of the whole "Make America gooder again" bullshit parade. When I joined the server I was happy to finally find something that I can actually connect with outside of the random bullshit I was doing in Gmod and Roblox still. I had just started getting into sketching random ADHD addled story ideas in my study notebooks and I thought this was a good place to share them. Then I saw they had a Trump channel dedicated to political shitposting. I did not take this as a red flag at the time. I really REALLY should have. I did eventually start spending a lot of time with these people and forming genuine connections with them because well they seemed nice (and I had not come out as trans at that moment, I was still super masc Identifying despite having a MYRIAD OF FEMALE CHARACTERS AS MY PROFILE PIC) I shortly started distancing myself when I started casually saying antisemetic rhetoric and jokes in my real day-to-day life and my parents had every reason not to like that I did that.

Theeen they started makeing jokes about the Transgender suicide statistics. Then I got really REALLY icy with them and just gave them an Irish goodbye. And then after a while I just kind of went to youtube and started watching through random shit, and lo and behold a new "The Room" of Video games dropped and I was watching so many youtubers reviewing it because it was just SO BAFFLING to me. Through this I got in contact with another community I felt rather comfortable spending most of my time in. I was one of the first wave of people who were even aware of the central community's existence so it felt like I had found something cool! I chatted with a lot of people who were a lot more sane about current events and started making more genuine friends online again. About a year passes, server priorities were changed and I ended up being a solid part of the community, for better and worse. I did have a few hangups here and there, a few crazys here that made it clear that the community needed frequent moderators. And with that a few bad mods that either didn't do their job or rule lawyered over every single user that they didn't like. And then the first really bad thing happened to me. At this point the youtuber, a person who I kind of hung out with on the regular takes me and a few others and gives us a special secret role that sets us in a separate field that isn't visible to the regulars. Their reasoning was because the voice chat gets overwhelming while they're trying to work and talk with people. At the time I understood and for a while it was in fact a great place to hang out! And then one of the members lets slip that their wife actually owns their discord account and proceeds to make another to join the server.

I want to STRESS I met her when I was 17-coming on 18 when I continue down this part. I have already went into detail about how she really messed me up and I have named her on my twitter, but Tumblr won't get that honor (and also I don't want to get anymore death threats over how their favorite furry vtuber got scared off the platform by a meanie clout chaser). For a while the friendgroup and I got along great, including and ESPECIALLY me and the "wife" as I'll dub her, the youtuber, and quite a few other people. Time passes, I find out about how "wife" streams occasionally and since i'm starting to get into watching live streams I decide to give her a watch a few times. Then I let slip that I just turned 18 after a birthday recently. Biggest fucking mistake of my life, I now know that I did the equivalent of accidentally letting a vampire into my life. She then proceeded to slide into my DMs about increasingly lewd topics. I had BILLIONS of questions comments and concerns running through my brain but for some reason I ignored all of the red flags because a girl was interested in me and at the time... i was a little attention starved. Things got more clearly gold-diggy as time went on, her not so subtly bugging me for free art and amazon gifts when I in fact did not have a job and barely any money. On top of the fact she was going around in the youtuber's chatrooms asking for games so she can stream, flat out. But I still thought nothing of it, that it was all ok. It didn't matter that she was married, right? So I hang out with her, Dm her, and attend her streams quite a bit more frequently. I allowed her to all but fully bully me under the guise that it's just a fetish thing, that I haven't voiced consent for because it genuinely flustered me in a way I liked. I even drew fanart of her fursona both lewd and not lewd!!! And then she sends me a picture of a thousand dollar bad dragon dildo. She starts by asking which one she should get, I joke about getting one with seminal fluids, and the bold bitch straight up asks me to help pay for it. I told her "I don't actually have any money to do so... sorry." Trying to let her down gently instead of saying what i was thinking "Why the FUCK are you asking me to help you pay for a thousand dollar monster cock." She went "oh :c" and left me alone for the night. The Next fucking morning a friend asked in voice chat "So uh... did anybody else get "the wife" asking them to help her pay for a thousand dollar dildo?" At that moment my image of her and our relationship was fucking obliterated. It fucking emotionally ruined me. I have some inkling of an idea as to why I was so emotionally invested in this relationship of what was essentially sexting. I ended up recieving one end of a girlfriend treatment affair with The "Husband and Wife" and when this all came to light the illusion faded. I wasn't having a meaningful relationship with anybody! It was just a transaction on one end and I was about ready to just fully dedicate to the bad end of simp culture!!! like full stop she was manipulating not just ME but a whole slew of potential paypigs to bankroll her streaming career. We eventually ban her for the implications of knowing me since I was a minor and probably intelligently sussing me out as a potential paypig. At that point I became a moderator for the community and... unfortunately I was a terrible moderator there.

#rambles #random thoughts #cw: trauma #trauma dumping #friendships #Don't let the dark thoughts win >:u #wall of text #too long #i'm so fucking sorry lol #generic posts #multiple posts

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alostlittleriverlotus · 1 year

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I got a doctors appointment tomorrow and I'm nervous. It's just about my anti anxiety meds and switching my blood work and A1C stuff to my primary doctor instead of the endocrinologist since I don't have any need for her cause I don't have thyroid problems after all and I won't be seeing her for a while. But it still has me SO nervous even though this doctor was ultimately really nice. Not the nicest I've had, that's still my dentist and orthodontist, eye doctor, and my obgyn, but she didn't make me feel like crap and even if I felt nervous, I felt comfortable around her.

But also I get my new glasses tomorrow! My prescription only changed a little bit in the good few years it's been and I'm super happy it's that way. I was really autistic and almost had a meltdown over not getting the same frames I had cause I love these glasses, but I like the new ones. They're pretty similar in style but with a pale grassy mint green on the inside of the sides.

Health wise, I'm about 80% sure I have knee arthritis. Swelling is the only symptom I don't have and unfortunately knee problems and knee arthritis run in my family so it's super likely I got it. It flared up last night and kept me up till 6 am. I even had to finally wear my knee brace again to help. But it feels nice to have at least a general area to focus on when it comes to my knee problems. I'm getting better at identifying the pain and learning how to help it.

Overall I'm vibing. I'm super stressed cause of my friend going to beauty school 5 days a week and I miss them, but also cause I'm really unraveling some of my cover s*xual trauma/abuse/inc*st. Like it was so hidden from me and I finally found the term for it. And it's making so much sense why I'm so triggered by such things despite not having any overt experiences. It's just little things that built up and me knowing at a young age that my looks and body were all that mattered.

I'm working through a lot it and it's really scary, but I'm glad I could finally find the term for it. Now I can truly start reclaiming my sexuality and my body.

So yeah, I'm doing pretty good myself. I'm trying not to scroll cause of hyperfixation and executive dysfunction causing me to neglect myself and I'm trying to avoid any pokemon leaks since it's always around this time they start coming out.

Also to the anon that thanked me for my post and humanizing szpd and saying it helped you, I am so very glad. That is the exact reason that I do it. Cause I never know when someone will stumble upon it and feel glad to read those words. I'm so very happy my post could help you feel better and that is exactly what I aim to do whenever I post stuff like that. All the love to you, any other schizoids or might be schizoids, and literally just anyone else. 💜💜💜

So that's a real update on me and my life. I'm mostly just vibing and tryna get through till Pokemon releases. And also dealing with stuff. Cause first it was sinus infection then period then leftover sinus infection problems then period + IBS and then knee arthritis. Oh the world is throwing everything at me. But I'm coping and doing my best and allowing myself to be disabled and take things slow. Cause I'm doing what's best for me. So basically just really good self care for my disabilities :p

Anyway! Continue being amazing! Thanks to everyone for the love on my posts! And thank you for any kind messages sent to me as well. I wish everyone well and I'll still come on occasionally cause I love it here. :)

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yourfaveisagendermlm · 2 years

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Self-submission (aka semi joke-y) anon again but same tho I never saw myself in media so I totally can relate (tbh the entire reason I found this blog is cause of the Buttercup headcanon since she was my fave PPG growing up and I'm a trans/nb dude now so I'm projecting lmao) also the whole “you can’t be agender and mlm that’s contradictory” comment made me realize I might still be dealing with some internalized trans/enbyphobia oops

OKAY YES I'M A MASSIVE FAN OF BUTTERCUP TOO!!! I LOVE trans buttercup headcanons, and me and my friends (all agender powerpuff girls fans btw) are huge fans of it too!! Hell yeah for buttercup projection!!!

That's a sad realization to have, but I hope you're able to work through it. It took me a long time to get this comfortable at openly identifying as agender mlm, honestly. Despite my connection to the mlm community and being gay, I've always been afraid to ID as such out of fear I'd be called a man. I both want to be understood and accepted as gay but not to be called a man, which is pretty hard to accomplish sometimes! I identified as nblm for a long time (and it's not at all a bad identity!) but it just wasn't for me. I'm happy to be more open with how I identify cuz screw people who say I'm anything otherwise. I hope you're able to feel comfortable identifying as that, or whatever label you choose, soon enough

#internalized transphobia is rough but I'm sure you'll make it through!#anonymous #ask #talking

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achaoticeternal · 2 years

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two slow dancers | druig x eternal!reader

DRUIG(eternals) X ETERNAL!READER masterlist

Summary: As (Y/N) and the Eternals go to find Druig, memories of their lives before the Eternals went their separate ways. Word Count: 2.6K Warnings: *SPOILERS FOR MARVEL'S ETERNALS* Slightly Angsty, Some Fluff, Only Love for Druig. A/N: Based on the song 'Two Slow Dancers' by Mitski; The 'Eternal' name from (Y/N) is Valor, but feel free to think of another name!

DO NOT REPOST ON ANOTHER WEBSITE! LIKES, REBLOGS, AND COMMENTS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!

It was a calm day in the little cottage you called home. Music played softly from the record player that you had bought and kept restoring with Phastos' assistance across the decades. You hummed along to the tune as you tidied up the mess you had made in the kitchen from cooking. It was something you did quite routinely, cooking large meals - not for yourself - but for the nearest towns to drop off at any shelter or food bank that needed assistance. It was your way to keep helping humanity in even the simplest of ways.

As you pulled out a tray of rolls from the oven, a knock interrupted the atmosphere. Visitors to the home were rare and never had someone purposely come knocking at your door. Setting down the tray, you made your way towards your front room, tapping the bracelets on your wrists and they turned into golden cuffs.

Looking out the peephole, you identified three familiar faces. A smile found its way to your face. Eagerly, you pulled open the door and immediately pulled Sersi into a strong hug before the others, "My friends! How great it is to see you!"

"Va-" "No, it's (Y/N) now," You swatted Ikaris' arm, "Haven't you received my letters?"

"Of course," Sprite pipped up, "but-"

"Here, come on in. I've got food fresh out of the oven," You stepped back into the safety of the home, inviting them in after you, "It has been too long! Now I know my letters can be difficult to get and some of you prefer e-mail but I still haven't understood this human technology. It's very-"

"(Y/N), Ajak is dead."

The room became still as the breath left your lungs. The weight hit you and you stumbled over towards the couch to take a seat, "Non, no... that's not possible. She just- we talked only..."

A sob left your mouth as Sersi quickly came to your side to comfort you. It was a devastating reality, news that you could hardly bear to hear.

"I know this is difficult to digest but... we need to get everyone back together. And you're the only one who has been somewhat consistently in contact with everybody," Sprite added, taking your hand into hers trying to offer what relief she could.

"O-Okay."

...

"Someone is in a hurry, I don't think I've ever seen you move that fast unless it was in battle," your voice called out to Druig who had paced far ahead of you.

"Well, if we had left when I advised, I probably wouldn't be making up for lost time," He replied back to you as he continued the hike up the plateau.

On the way to wherever you both were wandering off to, you spotted a group of children who were playing outside the walls of the palace. And despite already being 'late' in Druig's mind, both of you knew better than to let any civilian, let alone children, be outside the gates of Babylon as night approached from her slumber.

"Since when has time ever been of the essence to you, my friend," you snarked as you made your best attempt to get your footing on the rocky terrain. Druig had already made it to the top of the flat surface, peering out towards the skyline. Before you could throw another sarcastic comment, a hand presented itself to you. Your eyes trailed up to meet Druig's, a smirk evident on his face, "In need of assistance, my dear?"

Taking his hand, he helped to guide you up to the final steps. Once you were on more stable ground, you lifted your head only to meet the ocean of his eyes. The pair of you stood still in that moment, not uttering a word or risking any movement, just so that you could soak up this moment together.

"What- what was it that you wanted to show me?" You questioned, releasing the tension building. He raised his brow before guiding you towards the edge of the rock, "This is what I wanted you to see."

Looking out at the horizon, colors danced together, fading into each other to create the most gorgeous sunset you had yet to see on this planet. Above stars began to twinkle, but the final rays of sun that day still danced over the Earth like a child full of glee. It was magnificent and refreshing, nothing like what you could see inside the walls of Babylon.

"Druig, this is absolutely..." But you were lost for words as the painting before you kept morphing as night melted over the day.

"Astonishing," Druig finished the sentence. You turned your head to see him admiring you, your cheeks warmed in reaction, "It reminds me of you."

His words were too kind, and unlike anything, he dared say to you or any other being. Instead of his usual sarcastic and moody manner, Druig revealed to you what he truly had in his heart. Not just for you, or the team; but for the people of this planet, a feeling he masked behind scowls and snarky remarks.

"Thank you, Druig."

"Anything... for you."

...

"Okay, anything the movie star says must be accurate," Sprite sniped at Kingo after making another remark about her youthful appearance.

"Hey, I also write, produce, and I've directed a few things. I have quite the media dynasty-"

"Oh the two of you," Thena shook her head and took another drink from her cup.

You laughed at their behavior, then settled into a content smile, glad to be around your loved ones. You turned your head towards Thena to continue catching up, "They still at like children."

"Yes, and you, my dear. Thank you for always writing to us. I know Gilgamesh and I lead a very... secluded life, but I find your letters quite grounding when I feel out of my body," She offered you a half-smile, an endearment in her own way.

Around the table, your family was reunited. Well - part of your little family was and others still needed to be found but at least you had reconnected with Sersi and Kingo, and also with your dear Thena who was now the closest thing you personally had to a mother with Ajak now gone. It felt good to laugh and dine amongst friends that you hadn't seen for centuries.

Sersi and Ikaris reentered the hut which brought everyone to silence. Before speaking, Sersi glanced around the table before letting out a sigh. And then the room received the most dreadful news, the reason for their existence and presence on this planet. It felt like the air had been knocked right out of your lungs as a sinking reality set place in the room.

Finally, you lifted your gaze from the table to meet Sersi's eyes as she gave you an almost apologetic look.

"We have to find Druig"

...

The group had stopped at a little hotel to rest before continuing their search, a much-needed break to at least improve everyone's morale. Yet as you lay in the queen-sized bed, your mind played over past thoughts and memories like a movie you had seen long ago.

It was a beautiful night in Greece after a long day of meeting several new citizens of a city-state, seeking refuge from the dangers that lay far outside the city. Just like generations before, these people continued to enjoy the art of storytelling - especially when it came to however Sprite told them, using her abilities to make the sky light up with faces and beasts to amaze the crowd in the plaza.

As Thena talked to many of the elders of the city, you stood by her side to observe how she interacted with the humans. It was a rare sight to see and one that you were grateful to see. However, it was clear to see that other thoughts were occupying your mind, so Thena dismissed you to enjoy the night.

You weaved through the crowd, spotting other members chatting either amongst themselves or with the humans. It was then that you were approached by a young couple which you had ordained the marriage of just that morning. They presented you wine a chalice of wine as thanks before asking for your eternal blessing of their family.

Once they offered one final praise, the couple went about their way and another figure approached you from behind, "The humans are taking quite the liking to you, (Y/N)."

"Well, I don't try and seclude myself from them like you or Ikaris do, Druig," You turned to be met with Druig only inches away as his blue eyes scanned over you.

"I prefer to... observe them," He said cooly as he leaned against the pillar, the corner of his mouth twitching upwards. He crossed his arms over his robed chest, appearing brooding to any onlookers of the exchange.

"The humans are starting to believe that you are Hades, the way that you lurk in the shadows, the dark clothing..." You teased and raised the chalice in your hands, taking a sip of the sweet wine from the couple before joining Druig in leaning against the column. The fabric of your chiton hugged your figure to perfection.

Feeling playful, Druig snatched the wine from your hand, peering into it. "Does that make you Persephone, then?" He questioned as he pressed the chalice to his own lips, eyes meeting your own.

...

"Hey, (Y/N), I think we've found something!" Gilgamesh called back to you as you trailed behind the group, lost in thought. A knot took hold of your stomach, it had been well over a century since you had last seen Druig, and his letters had become sparser over time.

The group crossed the threshold of the jungle into a clearing to be met by a small community where everything had its place. It resembled exactly what you would expect from Druig's mind. From the settlement to the face of harmony the haven had; it was a design of a place that did not see war, famine, or any other byproducts of what you would consider being - human flaws.

But still, your breath was shallow as the minutes passed before you would see his face again. And as you felt years and eons of buried thoughts built up to words caught in your throat, your mind raced back to Tenochtitlan.

...

"I want to remember," Thena begged Ajak. The effects of mahd w'yry now troubled the mind of your beloved warrior and personal guide.

"You will still be Thena in spirit-"

"But she has lived a great life, she founded a city and is one of our greatest warriors. She has killed more deviants than... than Ikaris, we- you can't take that away from her," Your bottom lip quivered as you attempted to haggle with Ajak. Your gaze jumped between Ajak and Thena, finally landed on Druig.

Druig had been quiet ever since Ajak told him to stop meddling in the humans' war earlier in the night. Anyone could tell it had been eating him alive and still was as screams of pain and agony cried from the village below.

"Arishem says-" "Oh Arishem says! Are we sure that our mission isn't a lie? We are not better than the humans below, following a leader with extreme loyalty, but still blind. Well... I'm done," Druig spat, his usually calm and sarcastic manner cracking under the anger that coursed through his body.

He turned, now standing at the top of the grand staircase. With a wave of his hand, you could hear the cacophony of swords, shields, and guns hitting the ground. But before anyone could say anything, Ikaris slammed Druig to the wall, the Eternal's eyes twinkling with a spark of yellow, "Let them go!"

"Stop it!" You lunged forward, pushing the two apart from each other, "We are better than this, we are a family, we are... we are..."

"Valor, please," Ajak interrupts, still calm and collected despite the chaos in the air, "If Druig wishes to go, then he may go."

Everyone turned to look at the brunet man, all quite certain of what the answer was. He looked around one last time before sending a final glare to Ikaris and began to make his descent down the stairs.

You looked to Ajak and then to Thena, eyes pondering the question of if you should dare go after him. With sympathy and love in their eyes, both women nodded to you. Swiftly, you trailed down the steps after him, calling out his name.

"Druig! Druig, please! Stop!" You gasped as you tripped, missing a step. Your body lurched forward but no impact came. Opening your eyes, Druig stood clutching your frame. Your chest rose and fell as you stayed silent, looking into his eyes for an answer or something that would relieve you of the pain in your heart.

With a deep breath, your lips parted, "Please, Dru, I'm pleading with you. I can't see you go."

"Then come with me," Now he urged you, "I know that it seems mad, but what if this is what we are meant to do."

"Druig, you- you should know better than anyone that I can't just leave Thena now. Not after this night and the attack. I- she... I am fiercely loyal-"

"That is something I admire about you, my dear. And it would be cruel of me to break you away, but I can not stay. If you ever are in need of me, know that I am always at your service," Druig pressed a chaste kiss to your forehead, "my beautiful."

...

That was one of the last times you had seen Druig. And now standing at the center of this village, you could just feel him all around; not as if it were a containment, yet as if you had finally found a home.

After Sersi caught Druig up to speed on all of the details, you watched him ponder it over in his head. But soon the hall delved into arguments and passive remarks, it was clear to see that the group was at a standstill. Yet as the other made their way back outside to give Druig space to think, you stayed behind to see if he would give notice.

However, the doors quickly shut and he swiftly turned to meet your gaze, "If you stayed behind to encourage me further, I'm afraid that you hardly know me."

A light chuckle left your throat as you shook your head, curling into yourself, "No Druig, I know you better than to attempt to persuade you. It's one of the few things on my list of impossibilities."

He took a seat next to you, and silence fell over the two of you. Over a century since you had last seen each other, thousands of words you had thought of to say, but now your tongue betrayed you. How human of you both.

"You know, I apologize for my lack of consistency when it comes to writing. It makes it difficult to write when time seems to have passed us," He spoke, breaking the hanging silence.

"Did it pass us, though?" You asked, glancing over at him. You shifted your body to better face him and pulled a tattered piece of paper from your pocket, "It's a letter you wrote to me after the last time I had seen you after everyone split up."

It would be a hundred times easier

If we were young again

But as it is

And it is

To think that we could stay the same

But we're two slow dancers, last ones out

You dropped your hands, looking back down to the floor. Tears threatened your eyes as the weight of this world sat on your shoulders. Millions of thoughts, questions, and feelings raced through your mind as you ached for Druig to say or do anything.

Suddenly, a hand captured your chin, drawing your face to look upwards at him. A single tear spilled down your cheek, only to be caught by his soft thumb, "Oh, (Y/N), my beautiful, beautiful (Y/N)."

---

Hope you enjoyed! Again, please like, comment, and reblog if you liked it and would like to see more Druig content!

#marvel eternals #eternals #mcu #mattie writes #eternals x reader #druig x reader #druig imagine #druig fic #druig x y/n #druig x you #druig oneshot #druig eternals #barry keoghan #marvel #marvel x reader #ikaris #sersi

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