#and i wish that i had an easier time sleeping and taking my meds | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

adviceformefromme · 17 days

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Personal health hacks that have completely changed my life in the last 9 months.

Absolute number one is removing carbs from my diet. I had THE WORST crashes and lethargy every single day after my morning oat meal, after my carb heavy lunch, and carb heavy dinner. Despite being vegan my body lacked nutrients and calories from under-eating being plant-based and carb-overloading.

Introducing grass-fed meat and high quality eggs into my diet. Red meat gets such bad press in the media, but personally it has given me energy, strength and I feel much better eating this in moderation.

Little exercise each day. Not killing myself with a hardcore workout and then not being able to move for rest of the week (which I was doing previously). I now do a little each day. 1.5 - 2mile run most days, and daily stretches and weights at home. Nothing crazy, but a little goes a long way and I find it much easier to be consistent doing smaller bouts on my own schedule daily.

Hormone health, ensuring I am keeping my hormones balanced. I make watermelon juice daily with 1.5 heaped tablespoons of flaxseed. Alongside that. I take omega 3, DIM, Selenium, Iodine, Vitamin D +K2, Evening primrose oil for womens health. I eat foods that support healthy hormones, broccoli, carrots, sunflower seeds and removed the foods that cause imbalances (carbs, sugars).

Removing all stress from my life. Including moving overseas, deleting social media and keeping my circle small but wholesome.

Quit drinking alcohol. Initially I thought I would have the occasional drink but I truly have no desire anymore. My life is significantly better for not drinking. My body never responded well to booze.

Sleeping properly for 7-9 hrs per night. Meditating for 1 hour before bed usually puts me in a completely zen mode for relaxation. That means my phone is switched off, I use a lavender pillow spray and light candles to set the mood for a goodnight sleep.

Zeolite detox for heavy metals (currently in the process). I have Zeolith Med powder each day with water to flush out any toxins.

Learning about gut microbiome, and probiotics..in the process of obtaining kefir grains to make my own batch. Making sauerkraut on weekends and introducing a wider variety of foods into my diet.

These are completely personal and I can honestly say I feel better than ever. I wish I had done the above years ago, especially the carbs! I got a continuous glucose monitor of Amazon to see how my body was responding to carbs before I completely cut them off and I recommend doing this if you want to know more about how your body is reacting to glucose.

*this all took time and effort, but once I removed the distractions, the meaningless socialising, the boozing, the scrolling I’ve had time to invest in myself + my health

#manifestyourreality #levelupjourney #levelup #manifesting #lawofattraction #levelup confidence lawofattraction powerofthemind #growthmindset #manifestingmindset #manifest #leveluphealth #healthy body #health and wellness #health & fitness #mental health #detoxification

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brnesblogposts · 3 months

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Moon boys when you’re on your period!

pairing(s) gn!reader x steven grant, gn!reader x marc spector

warnings just fluff and comfort. mentions of everything a period entails.

a/n i didn’t write for Jake purely because i don’t know spanish and it’s 2am, this took a lot longer than i thought it would and it would take even more time to translate words into spanish to write his pov, BUT if you do want me to do a jake pov let me know and i will! when you know- it’s not the middle of the night :)

Steven

Steven was awoken by you stirring in your sleep, he leaned over to check the time on his phone, 4:14am. He didn’t want to wake you, knowing full well someone shaking you awake when you’re having a nightmare is not a pleasant experience nor does it make it any less scary.

He decided to take a gentle approach, without touching you he just started saying your name in a gentle tone.

Y/n”

“Y/n wake up love, it’s me, steven.” He saw your eyes stirring and continued to softly speak. “Love, you’re okay, you’re safe” Your eyes fluttered open “Steven?” He gently caressed your arm “I think you were having a nightmare” You looked perplexed, as if you didn’t recall a nightmare. “I don’t think I- OW, UGH” You started wincing all of a sudden, Steven’s eyebrow raised “Y/N? What’s wrong?!” A trace of concern in his voice.

“CRAMPS” You screeched out while balling yourself into a fetal position and taking deep breathes, “I must of been stirring because o- of my cramps” You were squeezing your eyes shut in sheer pain. “I’ll get your water bottle!” Steven rushed to get to the kitchen, but before he swiftly got out of bed he made sure to give you a kiss on your temple. He kept looking back at you while he waited for the kettle to boil, making sure you were okay despite the tremendous pain he knew you were in. Steven wished he could take it away, he’d rather have cramps then see you like this.

Steven quickly filled the bottle, wrapped a tea towel around it and made sure to grab two painkillers and some water on his way back. “Here you go, my darling” He spoke with the upmost sympathy as he placed the water bottle on your abdomen. “Thank you, my perfect boy” You replied and watched a tint of red takeover his face. “Sit up a bit for me, yeah?” You obliged and sat up as best you could while not inducing anymore pain, Steven handed you the tablets and you plopped them in your mouth. He held the glass up to your lips for you as you downed them then ever so gently pressed a loving and soft kiss that said “I’ve got you”.

Steven climbed back into bed and rubbed your back for about 45 minutes as you both waited for the meds and heat pack to kick in, and for the pain to subside. He heard your deep breathes turn into content sighs and took that as a sign that the pain was gone or at least mostly to a point where it was bearable. He wrapped his arm around you and pressed a kiss to your shoulder blade, “I love you my darling, Y/n” And with that, he too drifted off into a peaceful sleep, still of course keeping an ear out for you, his person.

Marc

Marc was out getting a few food bits in, he’d left you on the sofa where you were reading a book. He wasn’t out ten minutes before he received s text. Can you buy me some pads pls? Off he went to the sanitary towel isle, little did he know just how many options there were. Between all the different brands, sizes, wings or no wings, he was out of his depth.

Which kind do you need, baby? He sent back to you, and within a few seconds you responded with a brand name and size, making his job a whole lot easier. He decided to cut his shopping trip short knowing you’d need these ASAP.

Marc arrived home and walked in to see you that you were nowhere to be seen, “IN HERE!” He followed the sound of your voice to find you in the bathroom. He handed off the pads and decided to surprise you, while you cleaned yourself up in which he had noticed you decided to go for a shower. Marc made you a hot water bottle, a cup of tea and was currently making you a plate of your favourite treats. He set them on a tray on the bed just as you stepped out the bathroom.

“Baby, how are you feeling?” His eyes showed how deeply he meant that, wanting to do everything he could to make you feel comfortable. “My cramps aren’t too bad yet, I have a little headache coming on and am craving sugar.” He could tell you were trying to downplay it, not wanting him to be too worried about you, he could see through you though.

“Oh Marc this is perfect!” You said as you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him, “I was just about to say I feel like today is a bed day” You smiled, his favourite smile. He helped you settle into the bed, making sure your pillows were fluffed to your liking and set the tray over your lap and the water bottle on your abdomen. As he went to sit on the sofa you called after him “Baby? Can you stay with me? I just want to be with you” He didn’t hesitate a second and was next to you, feeding you grapes quite literally.

After a few minutes he noticed you tearing up “Marc, my sweet, perfect, most handsome boyfriend. What did I do to deserve you?” By this point tears started streaming down your cheeks. “You’re just so perfect, always making sure I feel loved and seen, listening to me ramble about things I know you don’t care about or when I come home from work and I’m in a bad mood you give me my space and don’t question it if I snap at you. I really don’t deserve you” You were in hysterics. Marc looked at you, upset that you’d ever question if you deserved him. Of course you did, you were the most amazing person he’d ever met, the most accepting, loving, caring person. You made sure him and his alters felt safe and if he was having a nightmare you were there to pull him out of it and calm him down.

He kissed your tear stained cheeks, no words spoken but the actions spoke louder, telling you that you did deserve him. Nothing was going to change that. He wrapped his arms around you and you tucked your head into his neck, after a couple minutes you’d seemed to calm down but he still held you, not letting go. Not until you wanted him to. Another 10 minutes passed and you still hadn’t peeled away, and that’s when he noticed you were asleep. Your eyelashes resting softly and your mouth parted. He kissed the top of your head and held you and never let go.

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humanitys-strongest-bamf · 6 months

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lmao idk if this is even any good but all i want is levi ackerman taking care of me during the times that my brain's being mean to me :(

Who You Are | Levi Ackerman Hurt/Comfort Oneshot

✧ word count ➼ 1.7k ✧ notes ➼ hurt/comfort, negative self-talk, levi being comforting in his levi way, explicit descriptions of depression (specifically the catatonia)

You could tell it was another one of those days.

You weren't surprised, but you sure were disappointed. You had gone to bed telling yourself that today would be better, that this recent episode had finally passed.

Your body felt heavy, like you could barely move. Even adjusting the blanket when you got too warm, and peeling your eyes open to check to time felt as effortful as dragging an oversized briefcase up the flight of stairs to your apartment when the elevator was down.

Now that you thought about it, you noted that the briefcase might actually be easier than this.

Not only did you feel heavy, but you also felt numb. You were barely present and you felt like the world was passing by around you, as if you were an outsider simply watching. You could likely receive devastating news and not feel a single thing.

You couldn't get yourself to cry. Oh how you wished that you could finally cry.

Getting up was impossible. You felt like your bladder was going to explode. The bathroom was only a few steps away—but you couldn't get yourself to move.

You were miserable. Getting up was miserable. Lying in bed was miserable. Falling asleep was miserable. Everything was just miserable.

Things had been getting better for a while. You would convince yourself that it was over, that you had finally 'beaten' your depression, that you were on the right meds, doing the right things, taking care of yourself, and practicing all of your therapy skills.

Then out of nowhere, it'd hit like a truck. The monster known as depression would engulf you in the blink of an eye, and you'd find yourself suddenly confined to the four walls of your bedroom, wrapped inside your blanket as if you were in a cocoon, begging to yourself and counting down the seconds until the depressive episode passed.

Sometimes it did. Other times it didn't.

You peaked one eye out of the blanket as you heard the door to the bedroom open, watching as your boyfriend sat down next to you.

"Rough day?" Levi's voice was gentle and quiet. He had seen you like this for the past few days, so he wasn't all that surprised when he came home and noticed that you were still in bed.

You buried your face into the blanket, ashamed to tell him that you've yet to actually get up even though it was late into the afternoon.

Levi's eyes scanned your body, noticing that your hair was still messy, and that you were still wearing the clothes that you had gone to sleep in the previous night. His gaze wandered towards your nightstand, seeing that the water he had left out for you that morning was untouched, which likely meant that you couldn't get yourself to take your meds for the day.

His eyes furrowed together with concern. Although he wanted to, he knew that asking you about if you had taken your meds or grabbed a bite to eat was just going to make you feel worse.

"Wanna go on a drive with me?" he finally spoke up, gently lowering the blanket away from your face so he could see you better. "Gotta pick something up from the office."

You remained silent as he cupped your cheek with his hand, gently running his thumb across your cheek.

You did usually enjoy your drives with him, even if it didn't feel like it right now.

"You don't even have to change. Take the blanket with you if you wanna keep being a burrito."

You saw the edge of his lips slightly tug up as he playfully commented on your cocoon. If you were feeling better, you'd chuckle with him, but you instead just stuck your bottom lip out in a small pout.

Still, a pouty look in your eyes was better than an empty one. That counted as progress.

"...it'll get dirty," you finally spoke up, your voice hoarse from the fact that you hadn't had a drink of water since the night before.

"We have other blankets," Levi reasoned. "Take the fucking blanket."

~~~~~

You compromised and brought the throwover blanket from the couch with you instead. You were surprised that you had the energy to make the swap instead of just dragging yourself out with the duvet that had been providing you shelter for a few days straight.

Levi had said he needed something from his office, but you knew he was lying. It was likely that whatever he needed to grab wasn't actually that important and could've waited until after the weekend. You knew he was already busy enough as is, which only resulted in you feeling terrible about the fact that he was putting in extra time and effort to attempt to help you feel better.

You sat in comfortable silence as he drove, with you snuggled up in the blanket on the passenger's seat. Your chair was reclined enough so that you were leaning backwards, but were still sitting. The gentle hum of the car helped provide some comfort, although it was barely noticeable.

You eventually looked over at him as he pulled to a stop. You were now at the drive-thru at the local cafe. You listened passively as Levi ordered himself a fresh cup of Earl Grey, shaking your head when he glanced over at you to see if you wanted something.

Levi placed his tea in his cupholder and then placed a small cup of yogurt in yours, indicating that it was there for you if you could get yourself to eat without making you feel too pressured if you couldn't.

When the car came to a stop again, you sighed. He had driven the two of you to the park where you first met and a slight hint of light appeared in your eyes as you were able to pull up the happy memory despite the depressive funk you currently found yourself in.

The back windows of the car were cracked open to let in some fresh air. While you had a brief moment of respite upon seeing that you were at the park, the thoughts of inadequacy quickly returned, swirling in your head like a storm that refused to let up.

Levi looked over at you, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion once he heard you mumble an apology.

"For what?"

Your voice was barely audible and you weren't even looking at him as you spoke. He vaguely heard you say something about being useless.

Noticing that he wasn't responding, you looked up at him, seeing a look in his eyes that resembled one of exasperation, but not quite so. The expression communicated that while he wasn't expecting the comment at this moment, he wasn't surprised by it either.

"Is that you," he began, poking at your forehead, "or that little voice in your head talking?"

Your lips downturned into a pout, both at his question and the way that he was reacting. You knew that he was being gentler since he knew that you weren't in the headspace for his usual commentary. While Levi Ackerman was not one to sugarcoat and say things for the sake of appearing affectionate alone, he also wasn't a dick. He wasn't going to put more distress on you when you already felt like you were drowning.

"You're not useless," he eventually said with a sigh. "I know that feels like a wild concept right now, so you don't have to believe it—but you're here."

He gestured towards your body, including the blanket that was wrapped around you.

"You dragged your ass out of bed and into this car despite feeling like shit," he continued, "and don't start with saying that I forced you because I didn't. You did that on your own."

The little things counted, even if it really was just moving from laying down in bed to sitting in the passenger seat of Levi's car.

"...'m sorry for being a burden," you whispered.

"You're not," Levi interjected, barely allowing you to finish your sentence. "Even if you were, I love you for who you are, not just what you can do or accomplish."

He leaned forward once he noticed that you weren't responding and grabbed onto your hand, gently shaking you to get your attention.

"Hey, look at me," he commanded, his tone of voice a bit more firm.

He gestured towards the blanket and the fact that you were wrapped up in it.

"This does not define who you are. It's a part of you, and we've accepted that," he said before poking at your forehead again, "but it doesn't change who you are."

You felt your eyes begin to heat up as he spoke the words that you needed to hear—that you were more than just your depression, and that no matter how much your depression was weighing you down right now, that he still, and always will, see you as the same person that he fell in love with all those years ago.

The tears threatening to gather in your eyes was a sign of progress. At least you were feeling something now.

Noticing that his words had struck a chord within you, he pulled you into him, placing his hand on the back of your head as you buried your face into the nape of his neck, giving you the space to simply exist and process those emotions you were finally able to get yourself to feel again.

Depression was a bitch to live with. The moment you were told that this could be something you'd always have to deal with from time to time, and that it's hard to say if it'll ever truly go away—you were mortified. The idea of having to do this randomly, with there being nothing you could do to stop it made you want to cry and give up—but Levi was always there to pick you back up.

Although you were still the one that had to drag yourself up, Levi kept you from falling further into the trenches. Unlike everyone else that either looked at you with pity or continued to mutter empty phrases like "it'll pass" or "you'll get better", Levi just accepted you for who you were—because as he said, whether you lived with depression or not, he would always love you for who you were.

#: @chaotic-on-main @romantichomicide95 @levisbrat25 @leviismybby @moonmalice @averysmolbear @cathybarn @tclbts @emiwhore @bejewelledd @sad-darksoul @ackermendick @aomi04 @apolloshaiku @laraackerman @pulpolicia @raenacreates @nube55 @roseofdarknessblog @saenora @noctemys @sixpennydame @grav3bab3 @heichoucleanfreak @svftackerman @catskze @nixie-writes-aot @la-undercover-latina @v4mp-wife @darkstarlight82 @professorweezy @braunsbabe @lovedbylevi @levis-squishy-cheeks @dumbfound-princess @deepzombieyouth @evas-leslas join my taglist!

#levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi heichou x reader #captain levi x reader #levi fluff #levi #levi ackerman #levi heichou #captain levi #attack on titan #aot #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyoujin #snk

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munsonxmayhem · 2 years

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Just you.

Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Warnings:

- angst

- fluff

Requested by Anonymous

————————————————————————————————————————

You’d never really been one to get insecure in your relationship. Sure, you’d had the occasional thought, but that was normal. Recently, you’d been under a lot of stress because of school, you were a Med student and lately it’s been really hard; studying occupying most of your free time.

You and Joseph had been dating for a little over a year now, and after his role in Stranger Things, you’ve been seeing him a lot less. He’d offered for you to come to his most recent convention in Canada; but you needed to study for mid-terms.

Scrolling through your phone, taking a brief break from studying, you notice a bunch of fans tweeting about the ‘Eddie and Chrissy Reunion’ and you notice the pictures and videos tagged along with them. They looked so happy to be in each other’s presence, having so much fun together. You couldn’t help the ache of jealousy in your chest as you scrolled through them.

The insecurity had started before this, but only slightly, when you’d noticed all the tweets about how ‘Joseph and Grace belong together’ and all the fans that shipped them together, along with their characters. You’d rarely seen that same sort of affection towards you and Joseph as a couple.

You get it; she’s pretty, talented, smart, and famous. Basically everything you don’t really consider yourself to be. Usually you wouldn’t let this get to you, but you’re just so exhausted from the copious amounts of studying, that’s usually followed by lack of sleep. On top of the fact that you hadn’t seen your boyfriend in so long, and you miss him; achingly so.

You sigh deeply, rubbing your hands against your face. “Fuck.” you groan as you toss your phone onto the mattress. Standing up, you walk to the mirror on your vanity, inspecting every single feature of yours. Thoughts of him and Grace flow through your mind as you stare at your reflection. How you wish it was you he was having that good of a time with, how you wish you could’ve been there, how it would be easier for him to just be with someone that does what he does.

Your phone ringing catches your attention, and you walk over to it. Your phone lights up with an incoming call from Joseph, and your heart squeezes. It’s then that you feel the tear falling down your cheek. Slowly picking it up, you answer.

“Hello?” Your voice is quiet, to keep the tears at bay.

“Hi, darling! I just got done at a photo op, but I thought i’d call before my next Q and A.” His voice is loud and full of life as he speaks to you.

“That’s great, Joe. I’m glad you’re having a good time.” You try your best to be happy for him.

“I am, but I wish you were here.”

Your heart aches at his words, the flashing images of him and Grace in your mind.

“Well at least you’ve got Grace there.” You say without thinking, immediately squeezing your eyes shut.

“What do you mean, darling?” He inquires, confusion lacing his voice.

“Nothing.. just.. nothing.” You sigh. But he doesn’t buy it.

“(Y/N), what’s wrong?” His voice is soft and caring.

“Nothing, Joe. You’ve got to get to your uh.. thing, so I’ll just talk to you later, okay?”

He sighs on the other end, knowing you’re right. “Yeah, baby.. Promise, we will talk later.” He states.

You both exchange ‘i love you’s’ and ‘byes’ and end the call, you groan in frustration before throwing yourself on the bed. “What is my problem?” You whisper to yourself.

A few hours passed and you had spent that time studying as much as you could, your eyes burning with exhaustion. You hear your phone ringing from the nightstand, reaching for it you answer the call.

“Hello?” Your voice is hoarse from sleepiness.

“Hey, baby. Just got back to my hotel. You sound tired.” He comforts through the phone.

“I am, I’ve been studying like crazy.” You sigh, closing your textbook and putting it on the stand.

“I’m sorry, darling. I wish you didn’t overwork yourself like this.” He coos, voice gentle.

“I’m fine.” You state, simply.

“Alright, what’s going on? Talk to me, sweetheart.” His voice sounds genuinely worried.

Sighing, you lean your head back against the headboard. “It’s just.. I don’t know, I guess I’m a bit jealous. Or insecure. I keep seeing all these tweets about you and Grace and how happy you guys look together, and it’s not a new thing. It’s just really starting to get to me..” You trail off, eyes trained in the ceiling above.

“Oh, love.. There’s nothing to be insecure and jealous of, okay? We’re just coworkers who haven’t seen each other in a long time, that’s all. You know I love you.” He speaks softly, trying to reassure you.

“But wouldn’t be easier for you to be with her or someone like her? She has the same career as you, she’d be able to travel with you; unlike me, who’s always studying and doing school. Wouldn’t you rather be with her?” You explain, feeling awful for even being like this.

“No, don’t even think that way. I want you, I don’t care how hard it is to be away from you. Seeing you again is what gets me through it, of course I’d love for you to be here but I know you’ve got your own things, your own career you’re working on. I’d still choose you, any day. Just you.” You smile at his words, trying to bring yourself to believe them.

“I just wish it were me you were having fun with there..” You sigh into the phone.

“I know, baby. I wish you were here, too. Stop listening to what the internet has to say, my love. I know what I want, and it’s you. I’ll be home soon, okay?” You can’t help the tears that fall at his words.

“I try not to, you know that. It’s just hard sometimes. All the people telling the world that my boyfriend belongs with someone else.” You admit.

“Well that’s the thing about being able to make my own choices, because I choose you. I’ll always choose you. You mean the most to me. I love you.” You can hear his smile as he tells you.

“I love you.. please come home soon?” Your entire body yearns for him to be near you again.

“Soon, darling. I promise. Now get some sleep, okay? I know you need it.”

“Okay.. I’ll try. I love you, Joseph. Goodnight.”

“I love you. Goodnight, my angel.”

Both of you hang up and you climb under the covers, turning off the light on the stand. You slowly drift asleep to the thought of your loving boyfriend. Unbeknownst to you that he’d already booked a flight home and he’d be there the following morning, that even though he was smiling in the photos and videos; you were all that was on his mind, and he couldn’t take another day without seeing you again.

#joseph quinn x you #joseph quinn x fem!reader #joseph quinn x y/n #joseph quinn x reader #joseph quinn #eddie munson

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calebwittebane · 19 hours

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gaia update!

her next appointment is later today, still monitoring the new tumor before we decide on the next step... sure hope this time chemo ends up being enough, i really dont want her to have to go thru yet another surgery. its a risk every time for an older cat like her. plus its in a difficult spot this time, close to ligaments and stuff. also, and i know its a strange thing to say, in this case her loving me so much actually constitutes something a problem... she fully wakes up the second she hears my voice or smells my presence, when it wouldve been better for her to sleep off the nausea and grogginess for a little longer 😭 but at the same time i dont wanna wait longer to pick her up because i know she'd be very very upset to wake up while i wasn't there. babyyyy

right now shes feeling and looking okay though. she got some anti-inflammatory shots on monday to help with her teefies, cuz her gums had been hurting (probably its cuz her immune system aint doing so hot rn), and it really helped. she ate a LOT yesterday and seemed really content about it. full tummy gaia :) the problem with her and her teeth is that it's kind of a recurring issue, once again probably stemming from her immune system getting kinda overwhelmed, and it makes it hard for her to eat her kibble (even if the bikkies are small, and soaking them isn't an option because she will NOT touch soggy bikkies even if she's very hungry). while id love to just switch her to wet food full time, that makes her poops very soft (very bad news for her and her funny furry pantaloons) and i... dont have the budget for it... i wouldnt give her and amity anything with a vague ingredients list and without stellar reviews, and high quality wet food in the "full meals every day" quantity is just not something i can afford. so she gets a nice spoonful of her favorite wet food (or canned tuna! she loooooves tuna) after taking her meds and thats it. i love that since its a reward for swallowing her pills, and amity gets the wet food too, amity always stands close and bonks gaia beforehand, like she's encouraging her and saying good luck... amity has been very nice to gaia in general lately. i mean she's still a bit of a nuisance to her, just because their personalities clash a little, but shes been trying hard to be very gentle. i loooooove amity's new habit of kissing gaia's paws. it's so sweet and adorable... thats right amity, your big sister is very fancy and chic, with dainty pawsies that need to be kissed!

she's also been very playful, which is good. she's got energy! and a new favorite toy, once again its part of a larger toy amity customized for herself (ripped parts off of) and it's this soft fuzzy orb thing. she's also been a little whiny, but i'm pretty sure that's just her complaining about the heat, it's not uncommon for her in summertime. she feels better when the fan is pointing at her. oh and she hates the lawnmowers outside... i dont wake up from the noises i wake up from her yelling at the noises ajdhfbxkdj. shes so annoyed.

wish it were easier to get a pet groomer appointment in this doggone town. a lion cut would definitely help her cope with the temperatures. plus knowing how funny she looks when her fur is wet id love to see her BALD she would look soooo funny. all the places with good reviews are always fully booked though it seems. swear to god this is all such a scam, Back In My Day if your cat was in surgery you could ask the vet to go ahead and give them a lion cut while they were still under anesthesia lmao. my own clippers just don't work with her fur either, it's too fine and soft. the cons of being a fluffy cloud... a toasted meringue angel... a lovely tiramisu girl... a silly baby s'more... a caramel frappucino princess...

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beneathashadytree · 1 year

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Hello there I found your blog and was wondering if you still do KnB requests been a bit sad lately with all sorts of different situations. Mostly because of insomnia and depression probably a bit of the jitters if you know what I mean. I would like request comfort headcanons Idk anything easy and convenient for you with the Takao or Midorima (whichever is easier for you to write) mostly cause I want to sleep so maybe I can read them lull their SO to sleep you know that fluffy goodness to help cheer me up. Does that make me weird? Idk. Sincerely Anon.

SOOTHING - MIDORIMA SHINTAROU X READER

Warnings : none I believe, this is set during college, Midorima is a pre-med student, this is not proofread, reader is gender-neutral!

Genre : comfort and fluff <3

Word count : 1.2K words (oops hehe)

Additional notes : So sorry for taking so long, nonnie! I’m sure by now you know how things have been for me. I was halfway through this when I realized that you’d asked for headcanons, and by then I was in far too deep to stop🫣 Given how soft I am for Midorima, I decided to choose him! I hope that—despite being so late—this request offers you some semblance of comfort 💗

Requests : Are closed for the time being.

Want to support me financially? Here’s my CashApp!

Masterlist

A groan came from their right, causing them to still in place and awkwardly twiddle their thumbs around their phone. Though they hoped that they hadn’t woken Shintarou up, they could tell from the stirring that it was too late to lament that.

“It’s not the brightness,” he mumbled, before they could apologize for their phone’s screen. “Just didn’t feel you close.”

“Aha,” they quietly said, knowing that their lover was referring to the way they usually curled into the warmth of his chest and never let go—something that they haven’t done in over a month, maybe. That was something they ought to remedy now.

Really, it was completely out of their hands. After all, they couldn’t even remember the last time they’d gotten a good night’s sleep while cuddling Shintarou. That was partially owed to the fact that he was too much of an early riser to wait up for them in bed, and was almost always found passed out under the covers before the clock struck 10.

The other reason (that also contributed to the former) was that they simply could never fall asleep so easily anymore. No matter how much they tired themself out, how many glasses of warm milk and chamomile tea they had, how many damned sheep they had to count behind closed eyelids, sleep just never came to them. Only when they’d bored themself halfway to death did their body sometimes give up on resisting the urge, and they woke up a disoriented mess a couple of hours later. Needless to say, it was never enough.

Their growing insomnia seemed to drag along with it a whole bunch of other symptoms that made their overall day-to-day life all the more tiring. Constantly feeling weary, they barely trudged through their daily routines and ran on 2-4 hours of sleep a day, if any at all. They couldn’t pull themself to brush their teeth in the morning without a sigh, nor could they shower without feeling their muscles ache from disuse.

And what probably pained them the most? Their tired, tired heart. There was a certain desolation in every chamber; some sort of numbness they just couldn’t fight back. It threatened to choke them every single time they gasped around its cloaked darkness, and struggled to stay afloat under its influence.

God, how they wished that Shintarou was around more often. To their disappointment (that they tried their utmost to shove below the surface), ever since the new college year had started, his time had been split between spending it studying as hard as it took him to maintain his excellent scores, and at strenuous basketball practices—trainings hard enough to have him barely conscious as he walks through the door at night.

It’s not like he was neglectful. If anything, he was just as (to some, surprisingly) wonderful of a boyfriend as he’d always been, but he just seemed far too drained these days to notice much changes in his partner. He’d greet them with an “I’m home,” before helping himself to a belated lunch that they’d prepared for him. He was an awful cook, so he never offered to help out with that, but he did always contribute to the rest of the household chores despite how exhausted he always was.

Really, Shintarou wasn’t just thoughtful in that subconscious way. Though he still struggled with receiving and doling out the affection he felt deep in his heart in direct ways, he made sure to softly kiss them at least once or twice a day, with that subtle quirk of his lips that they happened to love far more than his rather cocky smirk on the court.

As always, he was ever-so-attentive over meals, tired eyes still trained on his sweetheart as he listened to whatever stories they had to tell, pitching in every now and then with his commentary. And when they turned to him with an encouraging sweet smile of their own, he’d be flushing to his ears and haltingly retelling some events of his own, encouraged by the love he knew awaited him.

So really, it wasn’t his fault that they’d suffocated every terrible thought and feeling in front of him, and that they took advantage of his early sleep schedule to hide their insomnia. But they did feel guilty that he had to find out in such an irritating way like this: abruptly woken up by his partner’s phone screen lit up in his face.

Shintarou didn’t bother to wear his glasses, probably knowing that he wouldn’t last long. He never was the type to stay awake during the night, so he simply resigned himself to leaning over, gently taking their phone and setting it on their bedside table. His body was warm against their back, and they couldn’t help but involuntarily lean into him—something he clearly encouraged, as the distance between them became all that much smaller.

Pressed into his chest like that, they could feel something thawing deep inside of them. Something rock-hard melted in the pit of their stomach, and for some reason it felt a little easier to breathe. They couldn’t stop themself from twisting around and facing him, tired eyes meeting his bleary ones.

He cleared his throat twice, before asking, “Can’t sleep?”

After a few seconds of contemplating their options, they decided that there really was no point in hiding it any longer. They nodded. “Yeah. Haven’t been able to sleep since… I think it was the start of the season.”

A crease formed between his eyebrows as he put two and two together. “That’s been more than a month.”

Shrugging, they just opted to wrapping their arms around him and indulging in his warmth. With careful, steady hands, Shintarou began to finger through their hair. It was a little awkward, given how stiff his approach was, but it was endearing nonetheless. If nothing else, they could feel the love at his fingertips.

It was surprisingly soothing, and almost like magic, they could feel the knots in their muscles come undone. “Tell me what you took in class today.”

He gave them a skeptical look. “Are you sure you want to know about something so boring like that?”

“‘S exactly what I need to fall asleep,” they replied, pausing for a second to press a kiss to his sternum above his sweatshirt. “Besides, nothing’s boring when it comes from you. I could honestly listen to you read an IKEA table instruction manual.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” came his muffled reply from above, though they could barely see out of the corner of their eye the faint blue on his cheeks and the half-smile on his face as his hands trailed to their hips. Still, as they knew quite well, he could never refuse any request of theirs.

So, with a resigned sigh and a squeeze to their hips, he pulled them just the tiniest bit closer, close enough so that they could smell his perfume they always said they liked. Already, they could feel their eyelids drooping against their will, driven into a cocoon of comfort and familiar heat that lulled them to an easy sleep in the arms of the man they loved so dearly.

“First class of the day was Chemistry, with an advanced approach to sulfur and its derivatives…”

Taglist: @mrsgiovanna

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kiindr · 5 months

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Hey I wanted to just kinda share my success story here because I think it's important for people to hear

Trigger warnings for suicidal thoughts, self harm, eating disorder, being young, mild sexual harassment, anti-depressants, anxiety meds, and sedatives, toxic relationships ('romantic' but it was petty and short, so I'd say mostly friendships), and talking about therapy and mental hospitals.

- Just turned 15 recently (Present)

*FIRST YEAR*

- Was 11, in 6th grade, when covid hit hard

- Sister has mild disability in her legs so my family was extremely extremely cautious to not catch the 19 because viruses trigger it

- At this time my thoughts were as follows:

"Emotions make me weak"

"Crying is a sign that I'm not strong and confident"

"If I can just get rid of these god damn emotions I can manipulate and gaslight my way through life and be successful"

- I was so desperate for attention I would seek out negative attention. And not sexual negative attention or doing weird stuff... I mean I would sit in gaming chat rooms and tell people to insult me for hours.

- I didn't know crap about mental health at the time

*SECOND YEAR*

7th grade. 13. My lowest. God, so fucking low.

- Still desperately sought out negative attention. I was the weird girl and the pick-me girl in one. I was convinced that if I just brushed off every insult and wrongdoing to me, I'd be "chill" and "fun"

- Hang out with people that used me as entertainment when they were bored, yelling at me and degrading me and insulting me and the worst part is that I LIKED it because I was just so damn lonely

- Started dating some boy. He was 12 I was 13. We never really talked to each other. We were making out before he ever said he wanted to be my boyfriend.

- Soon he was pushy, and disgusting. He would dry hump me, rut against me, spit into my mouth, squeeze my throat...

- And I never said no. Because I was so scared of losing what I had convinced myself was someone who actually loved me.

- But when I tried to 'lightheartedly' protest, or struggle or try to get out of his grip, he would grab me and pin me down and no matter how much I tried to escape he would just force me not to move and he didn't ever actually penetrate me but dear lord that horny ass 12 year old boy had boners more often than not. I didn't tell anyone bc I was scared that they'd be mad that I didn't tell them sooner.

- Also went through a huge identity crisis. It wasn't because I was trans, it was because I wasn't allowing myself to be me so I didn't feel like ME and so I turned to the easy thing. At one point I was "Demiaro pan genderfluid trigender"... I'm just a cis lesbian though.

- My thoughts at this time are as follows:

"Oh."

"I don't care."

"Eh"

"It is what it is"

"I want to sleep"

"I wish I was sleeping right now"

"I can't be here, I have to go"

*SECOND PART OF SECOND YEAR, WORST TIME OF MY LIFE*

- I hate my body. I dont eat all day long. I don't eat lunch at school and told my friends I prefer to eat at home and at home told them the opposite.

- I can't take it one day and I cut myself with a dull old xacto knife.

-It's addictive. I've been punching myself for ages, but cutting is completely different. It made me feel like everything would be okay... for a few seconds... and then I'd look down and all there would be is blood and a rusty blade and a mark that will never be erased.

- I begin to feel suicidal. I think about how much easier it would be to just not exist. I sleep 24/7 so I dont have to be conscious

- I begin to throw up all my food to try to be skinnier

- I progress, I'm fantasizing about killing myself and I'm writing out 3rd person blurbs of me doing it. I drew it too. It was all that consumed my thoughts. It wasn't long until I couldnt trust myself at all to be alone for a minute.

- Living is just so hard. I couldn't describe it then, and I can't describe it now. There are simply no words that will begin to encompass the sheer delusional, wrenching, miserable agony of what that low low feels like. I am positively amazed at 13 year old me for every day she woke up and lived.

- Im missing 1-2 days of school every week. My grades drop, hard

- We try a new anxiety med with my therapist that is known to potentially cause suicidal thoughts. I see it as my chance

- In a month my parents are checking in with me, making sure I don't feel suicidal

- I kindly inform them that I, in fact, am. Very.

- I sleep in their bed at night. I silently get in and we turn the lights out and we all silently cry ourselves to sleep every night.

- I come foward about everything

- We switch meds, I'm getting treated for not OCD but now depression and the likes

- The biggest thing in my life was recovering. Every day I worked SO fucking hard to recover. Every time I opened my eyes in the morning, or put on clean clothes or went to school or took a shower or said hello to someone or finished my homework or ate something was a MASSIVE battle. It was so tiring. I was SO tired.

*THIRD YEAR*

- Over the summer, I'm able to continue to work on myself without worrying about school, it helps a ton.

-Come the school year I'm 6 months free of self harm, no longer suicidal, and eating healthy and balanced meals. I'm into fitness, as running became my coping mechanism for self harm urges (Because running is horrible 💀). I'm going to school almost all days and I'm dropping friends that were bad for me and open myself to new friends.

- It's still hard, I still struggle with my OCD and severe social anxiety, but the depression is so so much better.

- My birthday comes. I'm turning 14. It was so amazing... I was excited for it.

I was EXCITED FOR IT.

I CARED.

I was excited to see my family and I was excited to have a yummy dinner and I was excited to open Presents! I didn't feel like a burden or like gifts for me was a waste of money and my party a waste of time.

This happens at Christmas too. It's so hopeful for me.

- I dunk back into depression towards the end of the school year but resurface a few weeks into summer even better

- We take month long vacation where me and my lil sis have full access to the city and everything while my parents work in our camper. This was so impactful on my social anxiety. I was empowered by my independence.

*NOW*

- I've learned to set boundaries

- I have a healthy friend group with wonderful communication

- I feel HAPPY at least once every day (!) and I let myself cry and it feels so good to let it out and I let myself be sad or angry or dissapointed

- Im not afraid to ask for what I need (Okay well I'm afraid but I've learned to cope with that fear and do it anyway). People like me BETTER when I just ASK for water when I'm thirsty, or I just ask if I'm allowed to use their TV, or I just ask for some milk because Asian food is too powerful for me (😔).

- I have learned how to NOT give advice and just listen. I can hear someone's problems and not want to fix them.

- I have learned what I can and cannot control

So, in summary, I was just in the PITS and I am in awe of myself for my recovery but I am BETTER now. I feel GOOD.

The biggest piece of advice I have to anyone struggling with suicidal thoughts is to think about how PROUD future you will be of you for every day you hold on. Future you will try to give you hugs and comfort and they cant... not until you reach them. Future you is watching from above and sees your path to recovery but in the thick of it you can't see it. Future you is counting on you. Don't let them down. Just, hold on. They deserve a chance right?

(I'm sure this is littered with typos so I'm sorry about that, I don't have the energy to check right now, it's kinda late and I have to get up early)

♡

i love this!

i am so proud of you!

#ask #recovery story #mental health #mental health awareness #mental health support #mental health reminders #coping #reminders #therapy #positivity #kindness #wellness

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howtobeapersonwithfibro · 1 year

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first four-hour day of work yesterday. I substituted as an aide in a special education classroom, which I love to do, but my body has gotten so weak that even after sleeping a very long time and taking meds I am just in so much pain.

Last night I barely talked at all because I was so fatigued. I hate feeling so weak after doing a fraction of what I wish I could be doing -- what I used to be able to do.

I’m in luck that as a sub I can space days out as much as needed. I already had a scheduled work day for two days from now so I’m a little nervous but I’m hoping the more I work the easier it will be.

#my post #about me #personal #spoonie

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vanillacreambunny · 1 year

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Mentions of self-harm.

My brother got into my mom’s and sister’s meds, taking a bunch of adderall. Then snuck into my parent’s room again to take some of my dad’s whiskey. He might have taken anxiety pills too, but I’m not sure.

I felt a lot of emotions when my mom was doing similar years ago, and I was the one who had to babysit her and make sure she got to the hospital when she needed to. It was scary, and I was sympathetic because I know mental illness is difficult to deal with, but I was also angry and frustrated. I feel the same way now.

He’s not doing what he should to get better. He stopped taking his meds and going to group therapy. My parents can’t force him because he’s 19. I also wish the hospital and doctors did more to help people like my brother. They give a quick fix and once he’s not feeling suicidal they send him on his way only for it to happen again.

My mom didn’t take it seriously until she almost died, and if I didn’t yell at my dad to take her to the ER she would have because he thought she should sleep it off.

And my mom asked my dad to come (he only went the first time out of three) but he said he needed to eat dinner first then got angry and started screaming because everyone thought he was being inconsiderate.

My parents definitely don’t make things easier.

#dear diary

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ghost-town-story · 2 years

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(Hi y’all get to deal with the fact that I’m procrastinating worldbuilding like my life depends on it lmao)

The first thing Isadora noticed was the noise. If she woke early enough, her room was dead silent, but more often than not she would be woken by her mother or Inkanus when they were still alive or by a servant.

But Isadora was very clearly no longer in her own room. There was a constant stream of mechanical beeping and chittering interspersed with a soft sound like shifting papers, and an occasional deep, metallic groan. Isadora was somewhere far from home, and she had no idea how she’d gotten here.

For a moment she wanted to curl up and go back to sleep in the hope that she’d wake up in her own bed the next time. She’d always been a coward, the cautious one, the sister that hid behind her older sibling and let them deal with everything that frightened her. But deep down, Isadora knew that wouldn’t help her current predicament, and she could no longer hide behind Inkanus, so she swallowed down her fear and opened her eyes.

The room was dimly lit by a series of computer monitors, though most of the light was blocked by a dark figure sitting in front of them. Isadora was unable to make out any other details of the room.

The figure shifted, then started suddenly, emanating a series of hissing sounds. A moment later, she spoke. “Oh, I hadn’t realized you’d woken up!”

Using a translator, Isadora filed away in the back of her mind, recognizing the default voice.

“My apologies, just one moment.” She shifted slightly, and after a few seconds, overhead lights turned on, briefly blinding Isadora.

The room she was in looked like the med bays commonly found on Imperial ships, all blinding white walls and shiny metal appliances. Isadora took it all in, wondering just what she was doing in a ship’s med bay of all places, then she turned back to the figure. Now properly lit, Isadora realized she was a [alien], one of the races that lived out in the fringes of the Empire. [more description lol].

“It’s good to see you awake,” the [alien] said. “My name is—” The translator cut out as she emitted a series of varied hissing sounds. “But most call me Syl,” she finished. “Easier for them to pronounce.”

Isadora nodded. “Pleasure to meet you,” she said, hoping her voice wouldn’t shake and give away just how terrified she was. She wished for probably the thousandth time that Inkanus was with her, just so they could take over all the pleasantries and playing nice with strangers. “Where—” Her voice cracked, and she tried to cover it with a little cough. “Where are we?” she asked.

“You are aboard The Artemis,” Syl answered. As she spoke, her tentacles flew across the touchpad of the computer. Isadora couldn’t help but wonder just how she was multitasking so flawlessly. “And we are currently in the Kronn Asteroid Field.”

Isadora blinked. That wasn’t far from home, but it was also supposed to be notoriously dangerous.

“Now, I’ve informed the Captain that you’re awake, so I suppose we’ll be having visitors very soon,” Syl said.

Almost as if on a cue, the door at the end of the room hissed open.

“Or now,” Syl said, the translator turning the words almost deadpan.

The first to enter was a woman Isadora didn’t recognize. She wore her long hair in a low ponytail, and her dark eyes studied Isadora intently as she moved out of the way of the doorway.

The second person, to Isadora’s surprise, was Rossano. He grinned, likely basking in the shock his appearance had made. “Good to see you’re feeling better,” he said.

As he moved further into the room, Isadora couldn’t help her gasp as she caught sight of who was standing behind him. Their name caught in her throat, too scared that saying it out loud would cause them to disappear like they ghost they were supposed to be.

Inkanus crossed the room and sank down on the edge of her bed. “Hi Isa.” They tucked her hair behind her ear.

“Kan.” It was the only part of their name Isadora could force out of her throat, trapped behind disbelief and desire so strong it hurt.

Slowly, as if expecting her to try and pull away, Inkanus wrapped their arms around her and pulled her close. “It’s okay Kezhi,” they whispered, their voice so low that only Isadora could hear. “I’m here now.”

Isadora clutched at their shirt with an iron grip like it would keep them from ever disappearing again, and finally the dam in her throat broke with a shuddering gasp.

#writing #in which i write #snippets #space pirates #nanowrimo #nanowrimo 2022

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rachymarie · 1 year

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Cyclone Update:

Day 7 with no power. Wishing and waiting. Hoping that we get power soon before they start introducing rolling blackouts, as has been rumoured. We need time to catch up power-wise to those that got power two nights ago. Constantly exhausted, and think mum is starting to understand a bit what it's like to be exhausted all the time (as per my mental illness), we've been saying "I just don't have the spoons for that".

People have been really nice offering help and quite a few local businesses have been giving away free food/hot food (meanwhile the supermarkets have been taking advantage and hiking up their prices then labelling them as !low price deals! 🙄

Pre-cyclone we had been wondering where the so-called bread shortage was that was forecast for this year - well now we're seeing it. Bread has become a bit of a commodity. Just wish my friends with power back would offer to drop some ice packs off in our letterbox so we can at least make a vain attempt to eek out the use of our refrigerated food. But only in the letterbox cos we don't have the spoons to be chatty/social right now.

Police Eagle helicopters are having to patrol the streets from the sky at night, thermal imaging and everything apparently. This is to stop the looters. Am hearing that people are stabbing people for food in supermarket car parks/atms and there's been a gunman that MAY or may not have taken a baby hostage the other night.

Of course the mainstream news is being notoriously useless at reporting on the devastation/what's going on here because a they care about is Auckland and Coromandel. Which, yeah it sucks for them but we still need news coverage too as half the country/world don't seem to realize what's going on here. It's kinda chaotic

Also, my telco Spark finally gave me my free 5gb as per their Connection Promise, but it didn't come until I messaged them in the Spark app. I did that early this morning and they replied within about 2 hours and had it sorted which was good. Still a bit nervous about whether the 10.3gb I have now will last me through the rest of this powercut but I hope so. So apologies for not blogging like I usially do with pictures/reblogs but I can't really afford the data to load/browse pics and videos as usual. Also in power saving mode which only allows 4 apps of your choice on top of the basic essentials such as Settings.

It's been especially hard for me as no access to my usual coping mechanisms that require wifi.

Of course that's nothing compared to people who have lost family/friends/homes but it's just been a really hard time on my mental health, with me accidentally overdosing on an anxiety med the other night cos I was so tired and in the dark so couldn't see much and didn't read the label.

So yeah we got advised to take me to the hospital immediately cos I'd had some red wine earlier with bbq dinner but I didn't know that at the time bc that info was kept from me so as not to stress me out further cos we couldn't actually physically get to the hospital as all the bridges into the next city, where our only hospital is, were washed away etc in the cyclone. So instead i was to be monitored every few hours for 6 hours.

Mum got really stressed which was what I was trying to avoid by taking that pill so yeah major fail on my part :/

So now I'm just trying to avoid that particular med and keep ontop of my regular ones and get lots of sleep where I can (usually my afternoon nap as I often have terrible sleep at night). Just tryin to babysit my mental illness as best I can out here.

So power asap would be great. We've been through enough already. We've half lost hope and half hopeful that it will be soon.

In the meantime I might try get back to sorting/organizing my room out especially since it's been hard to deal with that dang drawer unit in the middle of the floor in front of the wardrobe, waiting to be filled and put in the other corner of the room. And with all the clutter it's easier to trip at night in the dark (as per no power)

One upside is that we've got some sweet new solar lamps. Sorry if tmi

#spoonie #spoonie in a cyclone #Cyclone Gabrielle #Gabrielle #New Zealand #Spoonie: cyclone edition #tw overdose #content warning overdose #tmi

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 year

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tw: steroids, asthma, health trauma? (if that's a thing i'm not sure)

hello! so i'm a little unsure about if what i'm dealing with counts as trauma, or just stressful, or what, so i was hoping you guys could help me figure out what's going on with me?

i'm eighteen years old, and i have asthma. i know it's technically one of those things you can grow out of? and i don't live the healthiest lifestyle, but i play a sport, have an outdoor/semi laborious job, etc. But it's a big part of my life.

I've been on daily steroids since early middle school i believe-- six or seven years? It might be longer but I'm not 100% sure of the timing. Before that, I was diagnosed with asthma after incidentally describing to my mother that i can't ever seem to completely take a deep breath. Until I was put on steroids, I could only ever seem to fill my lungs 75% or so.

I take daily steroids, and even so, occasionally I've been briefly hospitalised or brought to the doctor for bad attacks, after which I have to take heavier steroids for a week or so. Last time was years ago, but I think about it a lot. I was on a ventilator for about eight hours in the emergency room, after I had spent the day before at school tired and lightheaded, feeling extremely sick. It turned out my oxygen levels had dropped dangerously low; hence the ventilator.

Even with my daily meds, I need emergency albuterol sometimes, which has bad side affects like heart palpitations and shaking. If I'm sleeping and need it, my dreams change to chaotic black and white swirling shapes with red spots.

I get triggered by sounds or visuals of heavy breathing (like on tv) and it can induce panic attacks. I have the memories of being on the ventilator, and lying in bed not having enough air to get up and get my meds or call for help. Lying there wondering if I would wake up in the morning.

Writing this all down makes me realise... it's scary. But no one talks about asthma! It's all "out of shape" people or "not caring about your body". I'm scared! I'm angry! What would my life be like if I didn't have it? And with all the shit I've been through, why am I embarrassed that I have asthma?

I'm sorry this is so long. I guess I'm both dealing with the stress of it all but I don't feel like I can truly be stressed about it since it's just asthma?

Hi anon, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with asthma - it’s one of my own personal co-morbidity health issues - so I jumped at the opportunity to validate your diagnosis and experiences. I wanted to start by saying that any medical diagnosis is hard, and though maybe you’ll “grow out” of it one day, there’s also a chance you won’t, and there can be a bit of a grieving process to have to acknowledge that loss of “healthy body” when it comes to both your age, but also with the societal-culture we live in. Ableism is rampant, and sometimes it’s more of an unconscious bias from those around you, a desire to dismiss the medical needs in favor that “youth” win out. But this can be dangerous when it comes to our condition, and considering you’ve needed steroids for years, there are certain side effects from the medication to be mindful of as well. None of this means that you cannot have a full, functional, and wonderful life! And I think that’s where it’s important to advocate for chronically ill persons, as well as push against the narrative that a successful life only fits within very specifics able-bodied norms. It’s a fine line to tip toe on - one where we acknowledge the struggles (article with symptoms, impacts, and support groups) so we do not experience worsening mental health from denial on top of everything else, but also find ways to life our own lives to the fullest with the adaptations we may need, but with practice, becomes easier and more natural as times goes on. Either way, I wish you well <3 - Mod Kat

#mod kat #trauma talks #tw ableism #chronic health issues #asthma

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dzpenumbra · 2 years

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11/13/22

In bed before 3:30?! Gonna need it. I swear to god, on those "I can't sleep until it's light out" nights, I get like... one hour of daylight after I wake up. It's just miserable. This time change really fucks nocturnal PTSD folk like myself.

I slept pretty poorly last night, I've been nodding off since like midnight, but Max's hyperthyroid meds need to be done every 12 hours and I've been doing them at the 2's(ish). So here I am, tryin to reset my sleep schedule a bit.

There's a homemade candle place in town my mom and I are hoping to go to tomorrow to see if they have any raw beeswax I could get for sealing wooden beads. Today, I sanded down a big piece of layered greenstone/quartz into a sorta soapdish so I could use it as a mortar. I scraped off some incense resin and ground it up into a fine dust, and mixed it with the wax/honey/propolis stuff. Unfortunately, that stuff is more like a petroleum jelly consistency than wax, so it was pretty hard to mix properly. I imagine heating up wax to a liquid state and mixing in powders is much easier than trying to grind it into a gel with a rock. But it worked. Another unfortunately, the wax gel stuff has its own scent, which is pretty strong, so it kinda competes with the incense smell a bit. It's not bad, but it's not ideal. So hopefully I can get my hands on some good wax to play around with.

I tried the wax gel mix on a new handcarved bead, it definitely took a darker stain and the darkest of it went into cracks in the wood, accenting the grain, which was a nice touch. But I'm not sure it's really penetrating the wood the way a legit heated wax would, I'm afraid it's kinda just sitting on the surface. I made a few more blanks too. I broke out the old box fan grindwheel thing I jury-rigged a while back. I can speed up the grinding process pretty quick with it, but... I really just wish I had a lathe. I'm doing it all backwards. If the bead itself is stationary and spinning rather than the sandpaper, then I can get much cleaner symmetry. Right now, I'm really shaping it blind and praying I get it right, and it's not really necessary. I decided to take a tip from the internet and grab an old allen key I'm not using that fits into my portable rotary tool and sawed off the L section of it, just making it a straight shaft. Unfortunately, the bit is just... too small. The bead blanks just fly right off the end of it when I try to shape with it. :( So... might be looking into some kind of lathe or something? Something quiet, maybe even manual.

While my rotary was charging for that whole trial-and-error adventure, I went to the bathtub and sanded a bunch of softer stones with pretty cool color pattern in them into what will hopefully be beads. For like... and hour and a half. And my fingers are damn sore after that. I figured with softer stone, I can probably just use my portable dremel to drill a hole through. It's just gonna be tricky using a vice on something as small as like the tip of my pinkie finger.

So yeah, today was a lot of trial and error in using found materials to try and build up a stock of kinda... filler materials? Like... not centerpieces for jewelry, but accompanying beads, accents and such. Or centerpieces for simpler pieces. Figuring out a process is exciting but it can get a bit frustrating and it can really feel... unproductive. Because I have no idea if this process is even going to stick. But that's just how it goes, you have to try things to find out if it works for you or if it's not your thing. I think the wood beads are much easier to make than I thought and I can do those pretty easily anywhere. Stone might be trickier without making a ton of noise. Unless I take the tumbler route. But I'm really not sure how that's going to go over if I have neighbors... and I still would have to drill the holes. I don't know how I can make that not loud.

I have to go up to meet with my new landlord (at least someone who works at the building) next week. I'm a bit concerned because I'm not really sure how I'm going to work around Max getting her meds. If I give her the 2PM meds... then I drive up immediately... I'm getting up to the new city around 4:30ish. I guess that's not too bad, but it's the earliest I can get there, and I'm going to have to head back later that night too. So I might as well take a load of stuff with me when I go, I guess? I'll have to brainstorm that tomorrow. The move is starting to get real. It's 1/4 exciting, 1/2 scary and 1/4 no feelings because I'm not really processing it fully. Could be worse!

I played drums again today because skating didn't work out. I didn't record, but I did jam out and it was pretty damn good today. I remember very clearly one sorta hip-hop beat that I was absolutely killing it on. It's such a cool feeling when you really get in the groove and are just locked in. I've never felt that with actual people while on drums, but I imagine it's pretty crazy. I just wanted to share that moment because it was really a highlight of my day.

My Rimworld colony is heading into their second winter and we rescued in a 4 year old boy and 7 year old girl, both orphans. It's... odd... having children around a grim survival situation, but they're doing great and the growth and learning system in the new DLC looks very interesting. I'm curious to see how things turn out. The colony is very stable right now, we even have a solar grid, batteries and a heated greenhouse so that (hopefully) food can be grown even when it's -30F out, cutting down that dreadful reliance on hunting in the winter, which can be pretty rough. We have a good stockpile of food, a reliable power supply that's not dependent on fuel, tons of hay for the yaks (plural, and Savannah, the original yak, has a mate and a child now) and the cows (I think we have 3 or 4 now). This colony has had a lot of twists and turns, it never goes how you plan. The new DLC is pretty cool I guess, it's just kinda weird when you think you're fighting a dude and then suddenly he just starts breathing fire at you and you're just like... "what the fuck are you, dude!"

Time to catch up on sleep. Fingers crossed for a sunny day tomorrow, I'd love to get the board out a few more times before the snow hits! Then out comes the snowskate!

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

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neverluckygoldfish · 7 months

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26 -

I’ve been doing okay. I’m content. Life isn’t chaotic and my days aren’t riddled with anxiety as much anymore. The meds are working!!! Yay.

I can taste, like really taste the texture & the flavor of my food. I find a joy in cooking nourishing meals. I’m grateful to have access to these.

I can smell, this is good and bad (lol). Right now, the air is bursting with a light floral scent, I think it’s rose? From my candle.

I can feel. I’ve felt irritation, I’ve felt contentment, I’ve felt anxious, I’ve felt like I’m moving too fast, I’ve felt shame, I’ve felt embarrassment, Ive felt angry, I’ve felt shock, I’ve felt doubt, I’ve felt nervousness - I’ve FELT EMOTIONS! And funnily enough, they aren’t as scary anymore. They are just signals.

I can see. Sometimes I’m still stuck in my head and so disconnected from what’s around me but I can bring myself back to present. I can ground. I can take in a beautiful sunset and let it warm me to the core.

Sleep is well….it’s still elusive. Tossing and turning and anxious dreams. Waking up startled. Oh what I would give for 8 hours and to feel rested.

I’ve been struggling to write. The words just ping pong around in my brain and I can’t hold on long enough to get them down.

It’s getting easier to think through my responses instead of reacting (yes hello I am enlightened!!!!). I feel grounded these days.

I am unapologetically me. Lately I’ve found a renewed sense of purpose - I’m thinking of the bigger picture of my life.

I’m building my dream life, one that feels good, and I believe, no I know, that it will come true for me.

This peace and self-certainty is everything to me. Maybe it’s selfish. Eh

I recently shared in a meeting that I can’t remember why I ever drank or used in the first place. Perhaps my pain and shame were so great - I didn’t know how to work through them. I didn’t know how to hold them and live. I thought they were a part of me I had to “fix” to be worth anything. I let them define me. For so long. I feel sorry for that little girl. She was confused and chasing all the wrong things - things that maybe looked “good” on the outside, but were full of emptiness on the inside. I wish I could tell her that it gets better, I promise.

I told my mom recently about a decision that I knew she wouldn’t approve of. I was sooo nervous to tell her, like I wrestled with it for days. Didn’t want her to think I was stupid or foolish or impulsive. (lol hi mommy issues)

And then I just had to do it. Did it without apology or justifying - just a confident “this is what I am doing, it’s my life, and I don’t care what anyone thinks of me as a result”. Holy fuck, it was so empowering. And my mom took it. Sure she had her little mom things to say and her sniffs and tone….but I let it roll off me. Fuck it!! Man it was so good. Like drugs ;)

I forgive myself. For all of it. I know I was doing the best I could, with what I knew. It doesn’t make me a bad person — it makes me a human being.

I wasn’t always the best me (and still not 100% of the time) but I didn’t give up. I held on to a sliver of hope and kept trying to be better.

I’m happy with myself today.

There is a greater She within me (the spirit) and I am trusting in Her plan for me.

#self love #healing #recovery #mental health #sobriety #healing journey #addiction recovery #depression recovery #drug and alcohol addiction #spiritual growth #alcoholism #spirituality #self compassion #that girl #dream life #sober #soberlife #living sober

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lifewingsart · 9 months

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Longest Artblock? Or Complete Burnout?

Hi, again. It is 6:06AM as I am typing this down, and I've been steadily getting worse, I guess haha. I'm not sure if anyone would read these, my friends rarely visit tumblr, which is... understandable, I mean Twitter's a lot more "convenient" after all... But at the same time, I wish there was a straight forward answer to my problem, so far, I've just not been... finding the root of the problem, I know what the problem is, not the whole... idea of what has been going on.

My sleep has been longer and longer but not... better? Because I've noticed how more tired I get, and easier to just become tired, which is... not great at all. I'll be honest, I haven't been outside in a long time, the only time I've really went out is for my weekly ADHD meds and counseling. And I know how I should exercise more, or just go out often, but honestly, I see no purpose really. I dunno, I just been trying to focus on my art that I just can't go outside just to be distracted more, I can't afford to! But even then, I feel bummed out, I can't pick up the pen and... start. And I've been having doubts of losing something that I've cherished, that I've gotten used to for so long that it just go poof, like nothing. I've had visions, or I guess "what if's" I couldn't be able to do art no more, what happens then? Would I just move on? And I know myself, like how I know my father, he would go take a job at one place, do that job for years, quit, then move onto the next job, like it irritates me how careless he is! Like you can't just play with your food like that! You are pushing your luck, and yet, he does it anyway. And I don't get that, I don't get any of that, what? Am I going to have one hobby that I like, do that for a few years then go to the next hobby? At that point, I'll LOSE hobbies before I reach 50!

I really love art, I really do, I want to improve my craft and become something worth fighting for, something that I can be proud of myself and go "I did that, I did that thing and I'm proud of it" and for other people to go "I am inspired, thank you", I dunno, I don't like these hands, they destroy things, in a metaphorical and a literal way, I am scared that I'll destroy things that I've cherished and ruin everything, cause I do, I do ruin everything with these hands.

Good night.

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