#and it's a good two hours before you can expect me to be fully functional | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ninapi · 1 year

Text

○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●●

Save me (Ushijima Version)

Premise: Ushijima struggles to understand the concept of love and what is expected of him in said equation, but he finds himself in the predicament of wanting nothing more than to be with the woman he loves even if it gets in the way of his established lifestyle.

Word Count: 2510

Note: Welcome to the second route of the 'Save me' series! This one will be a bit less intense and will focus mostly in Ushijima himself, however, it starts right after chapter 1 from Semi's route (Link here), so I would suggest you read that one first if you haven’t.

Chapter 1: Soft colors in the air.

Ushijima was a simple man.

He would follow the same routine every day and it mostly revolved around volleyball.

The first thing he did when he arrived at his school was going to the gym and leave his sports bag there before heading over to his class and read his notes in preparation for the first class of the day.

But this morning things didn’t go as planned.

He was on his way into the main building when he saw you crouching down in what looked like a lot of pain, hovering over a flower bed. Once again, his body was moving on its own, it was starting to worry him how he wasn’t able to control his body at will lately. Thankfully, it only happened when you were there and you were rarely involved in anything volleyball related, otherwise, his career would be over.

“Good morning, (Y/N). Are you ok?” you looked up at him with glossy eyes, one of your hands cradling the other, “Oh! Ushijima-san! Good morning! Yes, I’m fine, don’t worry. I just got a thorn stuck in the palm of my hand and just can’t take it out, working with cacti is a pain, wouldn’t recommend it.”

Your smile was so bright, he thinks of how it could possibly light up an entire room. “Can I do something to relieve your pain?” he was now crouching besides you, giving the evil aggressor a heavy scowl.

He’s cute.

“Uhm, can you keep my hand steady? I can try to pluck it out with some tweezers.” he nodded while you were diving into your backpack one handed, looking for the much needed tool.

He held your hand as carefully as he could, gently prying it open for you. Your faces were only inches away, you were fully concentrated in the task at hand, your tongue poking out the side of your mouth while you plucked out the small invader. Ushijima was just lost on your face, the way your eyebrow twitched every time you dug deeper in your palm, the slight pool of tears in one of your eyes, your rosy lips parting in small gasps at the constant prickle.

This was the first time he’s seen someone’s face this close and in so much detail. He was intrigued, not only by you, but by his reactions. He doesn’t care much for people, specially not those who aren’t linked to the sport in any way.

But you were different.

He could compare seeing you with how he felt after a morning run. It was his favorite moment of the day. He would run along the coast, watch the sunrise, pet a cat or two on his water breaks. The air tasted wonderfully, and he felt so full of energy afterwards, ready to tackle the long hours of study and practice ahead. He felt the same way every time he saw you smile, this sort of thing has never happened to him before, and he wonders what is it about you that make him feel so many things at once.

“YES! Got it!” your little outburst startled him, and he ended up bumping his forehead against yours. “Ouch. Sorry, Ushijima-san. Got too excited. Are you alright?” still being extremely close, you reached over to check his forehead, gently moving his hair away with your fingers, “My head is sturdy, nothing to worry about.” his answer made you chuckle, helping yourself up by holding onto his shoulder. “I wish my head was sturdy. Thank you for your help, Ushijima-san. You should probably hurry, I don’t want you to be late to class on my account.” he was about to leave now that you didn’t need any help, but his brain was having problems functioning on the way it normally does, he felt troubled, everyone called him by his last name, that was completely normal, but he kept on calling you by your first name, was that a bad thing? Was he being rude? Did you perhaps not want to call him by his first name? He wants to believe you’re already close enough to be in first name basis, could it be possible that you don’t know his first name? He doesn’t remember ever telling you what it was.

“(Y/N)” he gave you a pointy look, and that’s when you realized he hasn’t moved an inch yet, he was just there, staring at the flowerbed, “Yes, Ushijima-san?” you knew he had communication issues, this is in fact the first time you’ve talked this much, even if its been mostly all you, “Would it be ok for you to call me by my first name too? Its Wakatoshi.”

Was that what he was thinking about so thoroughly? His oddly cute side was making you smile so brightly, he was just glad he still had some of the medicine he got the other day because his breakfast was coming back up at an intense speed, “Can I really? I would like that very much! But how about I call you…..Toshi-san! Yes, I like that better.” you were swaying happily, and it all ran in slow-motion in his eyes, the way your eyes sparkled at the mention of his name, the way your hair moved in the wind, he could swear he could even hear music in the background.

His expression softened and it’s the closest you’ve been to see him smile.

“Toshi it is, then.”

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

That afternoon right before practice he saw you talking with Semi in a corridor. He’s seen the two of you together often and he wonders why it bothers him this much. He should be happy for you, having friends is a good thing, his mother used to say that.

But his body keeps on playing dirty tricks on him, he feels restless whenever he sees the two of you spending time alone and he just can’t stop himself, he was nearly charging on your direction when thankfully, Tendo spots him and gets in the way. “Woah woah, buddy. Chill. What is it?” he looks around until he spots you laughing while Semi was laying against a wall with a smug grin on his face, “Oh ok, I see what’s happening. Breathe, Wakatoshi-kun. Come on, let’s go to practice.” he literally had to drag the heavy man around the school, his feet refusing to listen to his friend, “What is happening to me, Tendo?”

He was honestly worried and disheartened. He’s never been a violent person, he doesn’t even have time to analyze human behavior, he should be practicing right now, not sulking about life.

“It’s called having a crush. Happens to everyone.” Tendo pulled his friend to a bench, sighing at the look of confusion in his teammate’s face, “A crush? I haven’t crushed anything, Tendo. What are you talking about?”

“Well you almost crushed Semi.” he snickered at his own remark, “But I mean you like her. Don’t you?” Ushijima pondered the question; did he like you? Well, of course he did. You are a wonderful person, always kind to everyone, “I do. But don’t we all?”

“We do, my dear Wakatoshi, we do. But I mean as a woman, not as a female schoolmate. You know like, like like?” his head was spinning at this point, this conversation was more complicated than the math problem he had to solve this afternoon. “You speak nonsense. How am I supposed to understand what you mean when all you do is repeat the same word multiple times.”

Tendo sometimes wonders why he puts up with this man. There has to be a limit of how clueless one can be. “I mean like romantically; you want her for yourself. That’s why it bothers you when Semi is around her.”

Romantically? He’s read some romance novels that were a requirement for school work, but he never really understood their plot.

“How can you be so sure is that?” the wild grin in Tendo’s face was giving him the chills, “All I need to do is see your face to know that’s what it is about. You look at her the same way I look at chocolate cake. And that, my friend, is called love.” this was the first time Tendo ever heard Ushijima sigh, this was really getting to him.

That’s when they noticed you were coming their way, Semi tagging along. “Toshi-san!!” the sound of your voice is all he needed to understand that Tendo was probably onto something. He’s never felt anything similar to the way he feels when he hears your voice, it tingles his internal organs. “Do you like carrot cake? I baked some in class just now, it’s still warm!” you wiggled yourself out of Semi’s grasp, running all the way over to the bench.

He looked up at you with an almost defeated looking smile, making your breath hitch.

“What’s wrong? Are you feeling sick?” your hand went straight up to move his hair away from his face and pressed your forehead gently against his, closing your eyes to feel in his temperature. He was definitely warm, but nothing too out of the ordinary as temperature goes. “You don’t seem to have a fever.” he shook his head, looking into your eyes. “Then what is it? Is it your tummy? Maybe carrot cake isn’t such a good idea.” you started retrieving the cake when Ushijima’s larger hand clasp around it, “It is not. I would like some carrot cake.”

“You sure? I can bake more for you another day if you aren’t feeling well.” the look of concern in your face was making it increasingly hard for him not to lose composure.

“My dear, (Y/N). Let the man eat some cake. Though, why are you just offering cake to him? What about me? You hurt my poor lonely heart, ingrate woman.” he heaves a pained huff, making you chuckle. “Sorry, Tendo-san. I didn’t see you there.” You didn’t see him? He’s been there the whole time.

“I see. Nothing to worry about, just make sure you give me some cake too.”

Semi was watching the entire scene unfold from afar, giving him mixed feelings. He’s gotten closer to you as time went by and he is confident now that you two are good friends and good friends support each other. He would like to think of a future where he would be the one getting the girl and not the guy who already has it all, but truth is he cares for both of you just as much and it is true what Tendo said, he’s never seen his captain make a face like that, let alone let someone touch him so freely.

“(Y/N) you are a wonderful cook.” the cake was gone before any of you noticed, making Tendo gasp in despair and Semi laugh.

He ate it all.

“Oh my god, that was fast! Sorry, Tendo-san. I’ll make sure to save some for you next time."

“What about me, (Y/N).” his face was full of crumbles, softening your heart and quickly turning it into a puddle of goo. “You can have as much as you want.” brushing the crumbles off gently with your hand, you smiled adoringly down at him.

“You’re right, Tendo.” he just blurted out staring at his friend while still being tended by you, having his friend panic and cover his mouth instantly.

“Right about what?” Tendo got up and stretched to get your mind out of it, “Oh, we were talking about cake just before you came. About how much I love it.” that made you feel bad, you didn’t know he liked cake so much otherwise you would have set some aside for him earlier. “I’m so sorry, Tendo-san. I just thought of baking this cake for Toshi-san and I…it was not nice of me to not think of the others, I will bake a larger cake next time, I promise.” This time was Ushijima the one standing from the bench, “You made it for me?” the surprised expression on his face was unlike anything you’ve seen before, he was showing you so many different sides of him today, it made you feel things. “I did…I…I was thinking about this morning, and I thought maybe you’d like to have some carrot cake.” You were tripping over your words; your face was slightly red and your shaky smile was just out of this world precious. He didn’t know how the happening from this morning translated in your head to carrot cake, but he was thankful nonetheless, you were thinking about him when you baked it, and it was delicious.

“I didn’t know I needed carrot cake. Thank you for noticing, (Y/N), it was very good.” you nodded proudly, of course he would follow along, he’s always like this, even when he doesn’t fully understand what’s going on, he would never put you on the spot. His kindness was what you liked the best about him, even when people can’t see it straight away, you did. “Of course! Whenever you need something, I’m your girl! I mean…what? I..um…yeah…cake!”

Semi laughed so loud it made your shrink onto Ushijima’s shadow. “Shut up, Eita!” you pouted, grabbing your school bag and stomping away on the direction of your dorm. Just before you were too far away you turned around and saw Ushijima was looking at you without blinking, this made your smile come back and you waved at him before returning to your room.

“So I’m right, huh? Did you see that Semi-semi?? She literally had her face on his just like that! I wonder what they are not telling us. Do you know anything that I don’t? You’re awfully chummy with her.” to this Semi scoffed, of course he saw it all, the look on Ushijima’s eyes wasn’t one of surprise or discomfort, it was one of fondness, it was like he would let you do anything, without questioning. Very unlike him.

“Well of course I am, she’s my best friend. But sorry to disappoint you, I know as much as you do.”

“So that means you are not romantically involved with her?” his chest felt so much lighter, even without the medication, he could breathe more comfortably now.

“What? No, I’m not. Are you?”

What was it even being romantically involved with someone? He knew he had something different going on with you if he compared it with how the others treated him, but was that being romantically involved? Or what does it even entail? “I don’t think I have an answer to that question.” the two of them just nodded in understanding, they knew this wouldn’t be easy, but Tendo was satisfied with the progress, he got him to agree there’s something that needs to be thoroughly discussed and it would steal a few of his well-rested nights away.

○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●●

Tagged babes: @dazaisfavgf, @lauraagrace

Masterlist Next Chapter

101 notes · View notes

arrthurpendragon · 10 months

Text

Life Rant-ish

I had hoped that by now, I’d be in a better place and writing much more. But things only seem to be dragging on. The depression has come back - I mean, I know it never fully goes away, but like I said on here - last week, I finally realized it. Brushing one’s hair once in two months should be an obvious outward sign. Not showering for two weeks should be another. But apprently not, at least so it seems to my school.

My principal doesn’t “believe” I’m burned out. I’m guessing he thinks it’s all in my head - or I’m making myself burned out. (Like he thought I did with COVID - how the hell does one mentally give oneself COVID?) He’s pissed I didn’t get a newsletter out every week. First, I couldn’t even brush my hair or teeth for like a month - you really think I’d be able to get a newsletter out? Second, this was something completely new to us as a school. Compared to the year before when I didn’t do it at all, a newsletter every three weeks was better than nothing. Again, I know I didn’t do as expected (or apparently agreed upon - according to principal, but I never “agreed” I was told. There’s a difference)

3/5 of my teaching standards for review were given the lowest rating . . . because of my church attendance. Yes, once I moved I had a harder time getting to church - but that’s also when my depression started getting bad. My principal was told by my counselor - which I was made to go to by him - that I should be “allowed” to attend another church (same denomination) for my mental health. I was told in my review that “they need a teacher who can be at there church” That being said, I ended up going more like once a month the last 4 months of the school year and the weeks i didn’t, I watched online. But then because I didn’t take communion, it all but “cemented” my low score.

I told my principal that I had been getting panic attacks going to that church. His only respone was “I didn’t know that” But I reluctantly went on Sunday. I stayed in my car for 20 minutes doing a zen color by number and then went in to sit in the basement. And then there was communion. So, I went up. The pastor hugged me during communion. And then after the service, he waits for me, gives me another hug and then tells me that I’m wanted there.

Then comes the emotional whiplash.

A few hours later, a school board memeber emails me and tells me that they need to meet with me due to “parental concerns” (never been told about any before) “council memeber interactions” (literally no idea what this is) and “my end of the year review” (which considering I was in a trauma response the entire time because my principal told me one minute before the review that the pastor would be sitting in on it - when he had been told one month prior that I don’t do well with those things due to my trauma response - HE KNEW) and they pigeon-holed me into certain days.

Thankfully I talked to my counselor - she told me to tell them that for medical reasons, I can’t meet those days. Which is true - but due to mental health reasons. She also said that I should bring someone with me to this meeting. I told them dates I’d be available with another person - but they still haven’t gotten back to me.

. . . but I’m anxious that they’ll just randomly show up at my house. Because that’s what my principal has done in the past. Because I didn’t answer my phone . . . because it was dead. He dragged another teacher to show up at my house to “check” on me.

Like don’t get me wrong, this year was crap. But the way they are going about it, isn’t helpful. Clearly they haven’t taken the time to get to know me.

When I was debating this job, I was told so much of how this place is like a “family” My mistake for thinking it would be a good family, not a crappy one.

I even told my counselor that i feel like the “appendix” of this body. (For those who aren’t Christian, the church is often related to a body that functions together) The appendix - ignored when it’s “doing directly as told” and threatened to be cut off when it doesn’t do exactly what they want.

So, I’m back to counseling every week, instead of every 4-6 weeks. And my counselor has recommended me for IOP (intensive outpatient program) to work on DBT skills.

I’ve been trying to work on getting a public school job, but it’s the kids that keep me second guessing. I have one student I’ve even been tutoring this summer. I know he needs me and it breaks my heart. But at the same time, I can’t pour from an empty glass.

. . . oh, and since it’s we get paid 12 months of the year, we’re supposed to be at school 12 months of the year. And we’re supposed to sign in and out and write what we did.

I’m sure there’s more drama/crap I’m forgetting. But this is what I’ve been dealing with for the past few weeks. This is why I’ve been overly-stressed. This is why I haven’t been as active as I’d like.

To those who have reached out so far - thank you.

To those who have left me encouraging messages or compliments or reviews - thank you.

Y’all mean the world to me. Truly, I feel that y’all are more of a family to me than my family or this supposed “church family.”

Although, there’s one thing I’ve come to learn from all of this. I don’t beleive in organized religion anymore. The group I’ve associated with because it’s what I was raised in has a lot of cultish tendancies (like having no say because I’m a woman without a husband? Yep) But I do cling to my faith. It’s such an odd thing. But a big reason for my faith is because I want to see my mother again (she died when i was 9, for those unfamiliar) So, religion crisis, but not faith crisis? Does that even make sense?

On top of this all, the iRS messed up my taxes from last year. I made a quarterly payment before April and they applied it to the year before’s taxes, so I got it back in a refund (didn’t realize that) so I owed money when i thought I was getting a refund. Joy.

But this too shall pass. I know that things will get better somehow. No idea how, but things will get better. I did sell the lawnmower that came with the house - so I made a bit of money. And my kitties DEMAND snuggles with me. Marsali keeps me laughing because she’s a crazy puppy. I’ve fallen in love with reading again - that’s what I’ve been doing for anxiety relief - reading. Read the Bridgerton Rokesby prequels (well the first three) If you like Bridgerton - I’d highly suggest giving them a read.

tldr: life sucks right now, but I’ll get through it. I always do. It’s just not fun.

#tw: depression #tw: culty vibes #tw: religion

23 notes · View notes

randalsgrave · 11 months

Text

Sweetness and Light: Part Six

Holy Mother of GOD you guys. This part was literal hell to write. It's definitely a lot closer to the material I WANT to write, but good god, there was a LOT of it to write for this part. You'll see what I mean. Anyway, thanks for your patience for the last 4 months. I hope you guys enjoy this latest update!

Two casual weekend outings lead to some fairly interesting encounters.

BobxFemale!OC. F/C: Kacey Rohl

Word count: 9.6K

WARNINGS: colorful language; not beta-read (we die like men); discussion of toxic family dynamics; anxiety attacks

Recommended soundtrack: Sweetness and Light - Lush; Peace Frog - The Doors

***

Week four of training begins in earnest with the section unit, and as expected, it’s more in-depth and mind-boggling than the previous one. Katie - and everyone else, for that matter - was already anticipating the coming units being more challenging than the last. She wasn’t, however, expecting it to be the brain melt that it actually is.

She’s fully convinced she’s in over her head (way, way over her head) when she gets back to her hotel room Friday afternoon, head absolutely scrambled after a day of dense lecture and lab work, and collapses in the armchair by her window with an exhausted groan. Activities with little-to-no brain function are going to be an absolute must tomorrow - and likely Sunday too, if she wants to give her brain a chance to recuperate before Monday.

Luckily for Katie, the universe has just that in store for her.

Mostly.

It’s just past 08 the next day when she awakens to the chirp of her phone on the nightstand. Well, sort of awakens. She can barely crack her eyes open as she reaches out and slaps her palm against the hard surface, nor as her fingers curl around the phone and bring it to within inches of her face.

Turns out, it’s a text from Bob - nothing too out of the ordinary, considering how often they spend time together these days. She wonders what he could be up to at this hour.

She taps open the message, squints at the gray bubble on her screen. “Planning on getting breakfast in downtown SD,” it reads. “Wanna come with?”

Hm. Katie could go for a full breakfast plate. Yet…

Her fingers fumble their way across the keyboard. “I thought you weren’t a breakfast person tho.”

“I mean normally I’m not, but if it means I get to spend time with a friend like you, then I can be persuaded otherwise.”

Well then.

The flush is creeping across Katie’s face before she’s fully processed the message. Thank god he isn’t in the room with her; she’s pretty sure she’d die of embarrassment if he saw just how crimson-faced she is after reading that text.

But why is she, though? It’s an invitation to get breakfast with Bob. Breakfast with a member of the opposite sex is a total non-issue. Hell, it’s not like she hasn’t done this sort of thing dozens of times in the last couple of weeks with him. Granted, those ‘dozens of times’ are short mornings sipping coffee in his hotel room, but what does it matter?

It’s not a date. It is 100% not a date. In fact, as far as she’s concerned, as far as she’s forcing herself to be concerned, it’s the opposite. It’s a shared outing, something as casual and noncommittal as the hike they went on during their first week here. There’s no need for her to freak out and turn red like this. She needs to calm down, and right now.

Closing her eyes, Katie takes a deep, steadying breath, gives herself a moment to recompose before opening her eyes and tapping out a reply to Bob.

“Can I dress like a bum or do I have to put in some effort with my outfit?”

“Dress however you want. If it helps, I’m wearing jeans and a tshirt.”

Shit. No sweatpants for her then. “Put in some effort with my outfit, got it. See you down in the lobby in 10?”

“Yeah, that works.”

“Cool cool. Who’s driving?”

“Uhhhh, you know what I will. Least I can do to say thanks for driving me everywhere most days.”

“Works for me.”

Katie doesn’t give herself much time to think; she just sets herself in motion and goes. She quickly settles on jean shorts, an oversized worn green shirt with ‘FEAR THE DUCK’ scrawled across the chest, and her Birkenstocks. Then, it’s on to the bathroom. Teeth? Brushed and flossed. Face? Moisturized. Hair? Loosely French-braided. All things to suggest she made somewhat of an effort this morning, but not too much. Besides, why should she make a big fuss over how she looks? It’s breakfast, not a red carpet event.

Heaving a sigh, she grabs her phone, wallet, and sunglasses, and makes her way down to the lobby, where Bob’s waiting for her on one of the side couches. True to his word, he’s wearing jeans and a navy blue t-shirt. However, it’s a t-shirt that hugs his biceps just a little too tightly, and it’s all Katie can do not to outright ogle. Holy Christ, has he always had those?

C’mon idiot, say something - “You ready to go?” she asks with a bright - if not somewhat forced - smile on her face.

“Always.” Bob stands, palms his car keys, motions for her to follow. “You hungry?”

“Starving. Where are we going for breakfast anyway?”

“You ever heard of Harry’s Coffee Shop?”

Katie shakes her head. “Don’t think I have.”

“It’s this little diner-type place out in downtown. I’ve heard nothing but good things about it so I thought I’d go and check it out, y’know?”

“Fair enough.”

“Yeah. They’ve supposedly got really good cinnamon rolls.”

“So you’re a sweets for breakfast guy,” Katie says with a wry smile. “Wouldn’t have guessed that with the way you drink coffee.”

Bob snorts, almost as if it’s an obvious revelation. “Of course. It helps balance out the bitterness.”

The two are now making their way down the far right aisle of the parking lot, towards the nose of a dark gray car - a Subaru, Katie realizes when they draw closer. It’s one of the sporty hatchback models, complete with carbon-black rims and what’s sure to be its own bite under the hood, but it’s… small. Granted, Katie wasn’t sure what to expect (with Bob, she hardly ever knows these days), but she’s not entirely sure she expected this.

“A Subie, huh?” Katie’s lips curl into a gentle smirk as she ducks into the passenger seat. “Not really a big truck type?”

“Nope,” Bob replies, lips popping on the ‘p’. “I make a living flying around in a massive multimillion-dollar aircraft, but take comfort driving a little hatchback. Ironic, huh?”

“I mean, I guess.”

“End of the day, the less machinery I have to operate, the better.”

“Considering your car’s a manual, I’d call that ironic.”

“Oh har-har.” He sticks the key in the ignition, turns the car on. “Do you know how to drive stick?”

“Only in theory,” Katie says with a sigh. “I’ve tried so many times to learn from different people but I have the worst time trying to get-”

“-TOO MANY DOSES AND I’M STARTING TO GET AN ATTRA-”

Bob’s immediately slamming his hand on the audio power button with a grimace and a hissed ‘Jesus Christ’. Katie, though startled (more like scared shitless) by the sudden blast of music coming from Bob’s speakers, frowns, letting the lyrics roll around in her head like a ball in a roulette wheel. She’s heard those lyrics before, she knows it…

After a moment of contemplating, she glances over at Bob, brows furrowed. “…Was that Avenged Sevenfold?”

Bob cringes. “Teenage Bob was a big fan,” he replies sheepishly. “…You were saying, though?”

“I was saying that I have the worst time trying to get moving in first. Honestly, I think I’m just destined to drive automatic for the rest of my life.”

Bob scoffs as he maneuvers the car out of the parking lot with practiced ease. “Oh please - not like you’re much worse than I was. First few times I drove, it took me twenty minutes just to get moving in first gear. Twenty.”

“Twenty minutes?”

“Yep. It was bad.”

Katie can’t help herself. A snicker bubbles from within her. “Okay, yeah, that’s pretty bad.”

“Glad we agree on that,” Bob snickers back. “Anyway, um… If you ever wanna get better at driving stick, I’d be happy to help you practice.”

“You risk me breaking your transmission.”

“This baby can handle it. She’s sturdier than she looks. Seriously though, let me know. Your issue is nothing that practice can’t fix.”

“If you say so.” Katie pauses, contemplates, chuckles after a moment. “I promised myself I wouldn’t do anything too strenuous this weekend, ‘cause, y’know, this past week in class was hell, but uh, I guess… if you’re not doing anything tomorrow and are cool with me stalling your car a bunch of times, maybe…?”

Bob grins. “Let’s do it.” He wheels the car left, right, left, right, shifts seamlessly between the low gears as they drive off-base. “So, what are we listening to?”

Katie shrugs. “I mean, it’s your car; it’s your call.”

“Well, considering I stole your aux cord and played my music last time we went somewhere, I think it’s only fair that you get to do it this time.”

“Hmm…” Katie pulls up her Spotify playlists, thumbs through her myriad of songs while she chews on her bottom lip. Song-wise, there’s any number of directions she can go in - there’s Milo Korbenski and the Hot Garbage album; there’s My Bloody Valentine’s Loveless album (actually, on second thought, maybe not that one - the ‘noise’ aspect might be a bit too much this early in the morning); there’s copious amounts of Swervedriver and Catherine Wheel and Echodrone.

And then she scrolls past one song and suddenly, she knows what she wants to listen to.

“You ever heard of the band Lush?” she asks as she hooks her phone up to Bob’s soundsystem.

Bob shakes his head. “Can’t say I have.”

“Okay… How do you feel about shoegaze or dream pop-type music?”

“I mean, I’ll listen to anything once. Usually wind up liking whatever I listen to. And honestly, I’ve liked whatever you put on when you drive.”

“Good,” Katie smirks, “that makes me feel better about putting this on.”

And with that, she hits the ‘play’ button, and out comes the opening chords for Lush’s Sweetness and Light, ringing out in hazy, perfect harmony and glory. It’s a song she’s heard many times over the last several years, but it never gets old. There’s beauty in the lyrics’ sweet nothings and warm sentiments - and it’s beauty she’s all too happy to revel in, and to share with others willing to listen.

“I like it,” Bob muses over the music’s heightening volume. “Very spacey.”

“Yeah, that’s shoegaze for ya.” She settles back in the passenger seat, closes her eyes, smiles blissfully. “This is what happiness sounds like to me.”

“Yeah?”

“Mm-hmm.” She swirls her hand through the air, loosely matches the rhythm of the song. “Love, adoration, and… sweetness and light.”

“Well, whaddaya say we play it good and loud?”

Katie’s eyes slide open, and Bob’s looking at her with a smirk on his face and his eyebrows quirked as he’s reaching for the volume knob.

He’s getting to know her quite well now, isn’t he?

She grins. “Crank that shit.”

Bob obliges, turning the dial up high just as the intro crescendos, spins into the main verses, the sound of saturated guitar and endless dreamy reverb soaking into them as readily as the morning sun does.

And Katie? Katie just grins, and grins, and grins. This. This is what makes her happy.

What a wonderful way to start things off today.

***

Harry’s Coffee Shop on Girard Avenue is a veritable time capsule of the ‘60s. Big and white with red lettering adorning its roof, its outside appearance serves as a small taste of its overall retroness. Inside, it’s tenfold, with walnut-colored wood paneling running the whole perimeter of the restaurant, two-tone leather-covered booths, schoolhouse pendant lights hanging over the diner counter, green carpeting, and framed photos of various sizes hanging on the walls, telling the restaurant’s nearly 60-year-old story in shades of faded color and black and white.

The restaurant is buzzing with activity when Bob and Katie walk in through the double doors. Customers occupy every other booth and table. Waiters breeze from spot to spot, customer to customer, carrying various elements of each person’s breakfast. Somewhere through the din of conversation and hustle-bustle, the Doors’ Peace Frog beats out a jaunty, keyboard-laden rhythm that sets the tone for the morning. Every inch, every movement, every sound contained within the space screams ‘busy Saturday morning’ - and yet, that only makes the restaurant all the more inviting.

Katie and Bob quickly find themselves seated in a small booth at the front, right beside a window that looks out at the street and surrounding neighborhood. It’s the ideal place for people watching that maintains some semblance of privacy, of anonymity, and normally, that would be a big draw for two people like Bob Floyd and Katie Garland.

But neither of them are here for that.

Bob’s in the middle of regaling Katie with tales of past OCS instructors when they’re seated, and he hardly misses a beat as they take their spots opposite each other. “I had this one RDC when I went through; still not entirely sure what I think of him,” he says. “He always had this blank, borderline-bored look on his face, and it stayed that way the whole damn time we were going through it. He’d be absolutely beating our asses in the compartment and it would just be” - Bob passes his hand over his face, which immediately relaxes into the blank look he speaks of - “completely flat.”

“By any chance, was it Lieutenant Reynoso?”

“Yeah, actually, it was.”

Well, boy howdy.

“Reynoso was one of my RDC’s when I went through,” Katie smiles wryly. “That guy honestly scared the shit outta me for a while.”

Bob’s face instantly splits into a grin as a laugh bubbles from him. “Scared? Why?”

“I didn’t know what he was thinking! He always had that blank look in his eyes, AND major resting bitch face; I didn’t know if he was contemplating murder or playing the Mii Channel theme on loop!”

“Oh c’mon, it wasn’t that bad!”

“Oh bullshit - tell me you weren’t intimidated as hell by him that first week.”

“...Okay, maybe a little.”

Katie giggles. “See? Reynoso was fuckin’ scary. Probably would’ve stayed scary if he’d let the other RDC’s do the talking. Oh man… Who else did you have?”

“Let’s see…” Bob holds up his hand, counts off instructors with his fingers. “There was Gunny Haltermann, MMSC Stennis-”

“No fucking way, you had Stennis?!” This conversation keeps getting better and better. “He was one of the RDC’s for my brother div!”

“No kidding.”

“Oh my god, this is wild - did he play Tupac during your div’s PT sessions?”

“Sure did. Had the lyrics to Ambitionz az a Ridah practically memorized after a few weeks with him.”

“Oh my god, yes, same.” Katie is practically giddy with excitement over the new information; after all, what are the odds of knowing someone who had virtually the same training experience as you, the same mentors and instructors? “He played that shit all the time during our sessions with brother div. It was kind of nice, actually. Like, nice in the sense that we got to hear music other than cadence during training.”

“Honestly, nice that we got to hear music, period,” Bob comments.

“I’ll take a black coffee, thanks - yeah, true. Y’know I made a list of music I was gonna listen to the second I finished training?”

“Yeah?”

“Mm-hmm. I had, like, somewhere around 75 songs on that list,” she laughs.

“Make that two black coffees, ma’am - what was the first one?”

Katie snickers. “Highway Tune - Greta Van Fleet. Specifically so I could blast it as I was leaving base and yell ‘see ya fuckers’ out the window.”

“Sounds about right,” Bob snickers back. “Kinda figured you’d have shoegaze at the top with how much you listen to it.”

“Oh trust me, there was plenty of it there. If I remember correctly, song number two was a My Bloody Valentine song.”

“Hell of a band name.”

“It belies the dreamy acid trip vibe.” With their coffee having been delivered by their waitress, Katie takes a sip, proceeds to doctor it with a packet of creamer. “Enough about me though - I wanna hear more about you.”

“The La Jolla Scramble, cinnamon roll on the side please - uh, not really much to tell. Got orange-carded once for screwing up facing maneuvers. Listened to a lot of Tupac and Childish Gambino when Stennis was leading things. Honestly, you’d have gotten a better answer if you’d asked me about college.”

“I’ll have the Mediterranean omelet and a cinnamon roll on the side, please - well, I guess this is me asking you about college then.”

Bob purses his lips, ponders for one, two, three seconds. “Well, I went to the University of Georgia, graduated with a degree in mechanical engineering. In and out in four years.”

“Definitely weren’t in NROTC while you were there, if the, uh, OCS bit was any indication.”

“Nope,” Bob replies with a shake of his head and a sip of his pitch-black coffee. “Honestly, the Navy wasn’t even a thought in my head until after I graduated.”

“Wasn’t in mine either.” Katie pauses - then smirks. “Did you have a raging hard-on for your college football team?”

Bob scoffs, and loudly at that. “Hardly. Couldn’t care less about football.”

“Isn’t college football a big thing where you’re from, though?”

“It is - but you forget this is me we’re talking about,” Bob replies wryly. “Only reason you’d really catch me saying ‘go ‘dawgs’ was so I didn’t get the shit beat outta me, y’know?”

“Mmm. So not much of a football guy, got it.”

“Eh, not much of a sports guy, really. I like hiking though. And biking. Shit, put my happy ass on a bike and I’ll ride it ‘til the cows come home.”

“So what I’m hearing is that you like anything that gets you outside and exploring the world around you.”

“Exactly.” Another sip of coffee, then Bob sets his hands one on top of the other. “Your turn now. I think I know what you’re gonna say, but where’d you wind up for school?”

“U Oregon. Go Ducks and all that, woo woo, rah rah.”

“Kinda sounds like you weren’t much of a sports person either,” Bob comments with a chuckle.

“Sports, no. School pride, yes. I loved it there.”

“Very well then. Whadja major in?”

At that, Katie snorts out a laugh. “Political science,” she says around the rim of her coffee mug. “I had this convoluted - and I mean really convoluted - reasoning that it would be useful for working in nonprofit - something about ‘understanding how our laws and policies work and using that knowledge to help nonprofits with their missions’.”

“Yeah, how’s that working out for you now?”

“I dunno,” Katie laughs, “ask the Navy.”

“Man, I’m one to talk, though. All this ‘ooh and ah’ with a mechanical engineering degree and you don’t see me putting it to good use eith-”

“No, you cut that out; you actually have a useful degree. Mine’s a glorified scrap of paper that’s going to sit in my important files and collect dust for the rest of my life. And clearly, I’m putting my knowledge of U.S. and foreign policy to good use as a pilot in the Navy, right?”

“I mean, just because you’re not using it now, doesn’t mean it’s useless for the rest of your life. Pretty sure all the three-letter agencies would go nuts for someone like you. They’d be worth considering when you’re done doing barrel rolls and shooting things out of the sky.”

Yeah, I suppose.” An amused smirk makes its way across Katie’s face. “I could go to work for the NSA and do some spooky government stuff. That would be pretty neat.”

“See? That’s the spirit. Just gotta consider the possibilities.”

It’s not long before their waitress comes ‘round with their breakfast, fluffiest of omelets loaded with filling, lustrous scrambled eggs, and hand-sized cinnamon rolls painted with white icing, and goddamn, does it look good.

More than that, it tastes good. Katie takes a bite of the massive cinnamon roll she’s been presented with and her eyes practically roll to the back of her head. Yeah - Bob definitely knew what he was doing when he picked this place out.

He’s in a similarly rapturous state with his plate of scrambled eggs, Katie sees when she regains (some of) her senses and looks across the table at him. “Remind me to come here every weekend for breakfast from now on,” he all but groans. “Christ, this is good.”

“If the food I get is this good, honestly, I’d trust you to take me anywhere.”

“Good,” Bob snarks around a mouthful of eggs, “there’s a lotta places I wanna try while we’re here.”

“I’m gonna hold you to that,” Katie snarks back.

Silence soon fills the space between them, the easy kind borne of mutual understanding and comfort with one another. Katie tucks into her omelet and cinnamon roll in turns, pondering the state of things. It’s… strange. Good strange, to be sure, but still. She’s not really the type to sit comfortably in silence with another person. People have expectations for her, for the interactions between them - expectations that usually don’t involve silence. Anything contrary to that is… unnatural.

But not here. Not with him.

With Bob, it’s different. Katie doesn’t have to worry about filling the empty spaces with talking and constant noise. She can just be, exist in the quiet moments. Hell, they both can. It’s nice, being this kind of comfortable with each other - and no doubt Bob has been thinking the same.

She’s cutting off a piece of omelet to eat when Bob breaks the silence between them. He sips his coffee, clears his throat. “So, uh… Not to bounce around or anything, but… What made you decide to join the Navy?”

There it is - the question that everyone inevitably asks her. Oh boy.

Katie takes the bite of her omelet, chews thoughtfully, shrugs. “I mean, it’s not like I was ‘unfulfilled’ or anything. I went home, got a job at a nonprofit for homeless veterans, and it was great and all, being a part of my hometown in that capacity, but…”

The truth. It lingers on the tip of Katie’s tongue, waiting to make its appearance in the conversation. And god, does she want to let it out, but…

“It didn’t… I dunno, add up. Job wasn’t really going anywhere and I felt stuck. Trapped, actually.”

“Yeesh, don’t I know that feeling.”

“Like, it was at work and at home. Practically everyone I’d gone to school with had up and left Portland and started living their lives, and I was just… home, suffocating. Tethered to my house like I’d been for the last eighteen years, and… I didn’t want to be that anymore.”

“So you joined the Navy.”

Yeah, pretty much. “Walked into the nearest recruiting office and asked what was available for someone with a degree,” Katie says. “The AO2 I talked to basically told me I could do anything, buuuuut he also told me that he’d personally kick my ass if I came in and tried to pick a rate without putting in a package for OCS. Told me it’d be a waste of my degree if I went enlisted.”

“You actually had an AO tell you to go officer? Man, I had a CTIC at my recruiting office and he was hell-bent on trying to get me to go enlisted.”

“Thank god you didn’t; you make a lot more sense as a WSO.”

“And you make a lot more sense as a pilot.”

Heat and blush (seriously, what is with you?) creep their way across Katie’s cheeks. “Took me until BFT to realize it, but I’m glad we agree on that.”

She’s about to slip another piece of omelet in her mouth when her phone vibrates and chimes from her pocket. She pops the piece into her mouth, pulls it out to look at the message that’s come through - most likely from Fanboy, she thinks. No doubt he’s dying to know what she and Bob are up to (nosy bastard he is).

Only it’s not from him.

No - it’s from someone much worse.

“Katherine, we need to talk,” the text reads. “Your behavior last week was absolutely unacceptable and needs to be addressed immediately.”

Carrie. It’s all Katie can do not to groan out loud, not only at the timing of the text, but at the sheer audacity of it. Her behavior was unacceptable? Was she being serious?

Keeping her face smooth and neutral proves to be difficult as she types out a reply. “Pretty sure I told you not to contact me. AND to give Naomi her phone back.”

Carrie’s response is almost immediate. “What gives you the right to talk to your mother like that?” she seems to snap through the phone. “Call me NOW.”

The reaction is almost instantaneous - stomach in knots, shakes radiating outwards from within. No, not this, not now. She doesn’t need this woman barging back into her life and bullying her.

Tightness in her chest is starting to set in. Anxiety. Strong anxiety. Oh no. Oh, no, no, no.

Katie stands abruptly, shuffles out of the booth with a mumbled “gonna use the head” and takes off in a brisk march towards the bathroom. If it wasn’t for the fact that Bob and the entire restaurant have their eyes on her, she would be running. She doesn’t want people - especially him - seeing her on the verge of an anxiety attack.

She shoves through the restroom door in the back of the restaurant, trudges to the nearest sink and curls her body above it, hands gripping the edges white-knuckle tight and breath coming in shallow shudders. God damn it. God fucking damn it. This isn’t happening. It can’t be happening. Two texts from her mother and it’s enough to reduce Katie to a near mess in a diner bathroom. It’s as if the last four years of silence and purposely missed calls and texts never even existed. Worse still, it’s as if she’s back in college and her mother is down the road from her, ready and waiting for her to do something, anything to snatch her away and prove that she is helpless without her.

That she is nothing without her.

Katie swallows thickly, grips the sink edge so hard that her hands ache. She’s wrong. She’s a fighter pilot in the world’s finest navy, a warrior, an angel of death and savior of people. She is all of these things and more, a real powerhouse of ‘something’ - and she did all of it without her mother. Carrie can go fuck herself. After all the shit she’s put her through, Katie owes her nothing.

She lifts her head, stares down her reflection in the mirror. “I owe her nothing,” she utters in a low voice, steeling it against the shaking wracking her body. “I owe her nothing. Not a phone call, not an explanation text, not a single goddamn thing. I owe her nothing after everything she’s put me through, and I will not let her guilt me into anything else.” She repeats the words, over and over and over again, wills them to stick. I owe you nothing. I owe you nothing. I owe you absolutely NOTHING.

Eventually, the words do stick, and she’s able to calm down enough to suck in a deep breath and steady herself. She can do this. Carrie can rage and harass her daughter all she wants, but she has no power over her. Katie won’t let her have it.

She takes another big breath in, blows it out nice and slow. She’s ready. She can face the world again.

With a final breath, Katie turns and makes her way back out into the restaurant, mind working its way back to the point before Carrie interrupted her and Bob. She was having such a nice time with him before she had to show up… She just wants to go back to that point and forget that the last 5 minutes ever happened…

Unfortunately for her, there are other plans in store.

When Katie makes eye contact with Bob, there’s no missing the gleam of concern in his eyes. Oh no. “Hey, uh, your phone’s been ringing nonstop for the last five minutes.”

Oh fuck me, she didn’t - “Has it now?”

“Yeah. Same person too, from the looks of it.” Bob’s face colors as the implication that he might’ve done something stalkerish dawns on him. “Not that I was going out of my way to get in your business, you left your phone facing up and I could see the name on caller ID-”

“No no, you’re fine; I get what you’re trying to say.” Katie slides back into the booth and takes her phone in her hands, stifling another groan when she sees the never-ending list of missed calls from her sister. Only it’s not Naomi, she thinks, her thoughts edged with a growl. Christ, Carrie’s in fine form today.

No sooner does the thought pass through her head than her phone starts ringing again, ‘Naomi’ scrolling across the top of the screen, the damn thing playing that stupid marimba ringtone while it buzzes expectantly in her hand. It has to be the 11th time her mother’s tried to call her now.

Nope. Nope, nope, nope. She clicks the power button to decline the call, switches it to silent mode, and all but whips it to the far end of the table, fingers pinching the bridge of her nose in a death grip. Stepping out to fend off an anxiety attack was bad enough, but this… She does not need this today. She absolutely does not need this today.

“…You’re not gonna take that?”

Katie doesn’t even hesitate. “Nope.”

“You sure? Whoever’s calling must really wanna get a hold of you if they’ve been going like that.”

“Yeah, well, she can choke.” Katie stabs her fork into the piece of cinnamon roll she’s just cut up, sticks it in her mouth and chews stiffly. Christ, she can’t believe this is happening right now.

“Oh.” Bob’s gaze shifts down, blinks as he contemplates his next move, if it’s even appropriate to have one at this point. Katie’s hoping he drops the subject and moves on to something different, but she can’t say she’s surprised when his eyes steel and he looks back up at her, trying to understand. “What’s, um… What’s the story with” - he steals a glance at the list of missed calls - “Naomi?”

“She’s my little sister,” Katie replies around a sip of coffee. “Problem is that she’s not the one spamming my call log.”

“Oh? Who is then?”

“My mother,” she mutters.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Silence falls between them again, permeates the air for one, two, three, four, five seconds. This silence, however, is uncomfortable, uneasy, heavy. It’s not often that Carrie and her bullshit make their existence public. In the four years she’s been in the Navy, Katie has worked hard to keep it that way. Now? She’s being forced to acknowledge it (in public, and to one of her friends, no less), and she hates it. Hates it, hates it, hates it.

“I don’t…” Katie closes her eyes, takes a long, deep, steadying breath. No one wants to hear this. Why the fuck am I doing this? “I don’t have a good relationship with my mom.”

She pauses, looks at Bob, wills him to say something, anything in reply. But he doesn’t. He just stares, gives her that intent look that tells her he’s listening and that he’s not saying anything until she’s good and done, REALLY good and done.

Fuck. Not the reaction she was hoping for.

Well then. Looks like brevity is about to be her best friend for this conversation.

“It took a long time for me to realize it, but she’s… damaged. Like, really fucking damaged. And she’s done stuff that’s messed me and my sister up over the years.”

“Like what? Um, if you don’t mind me asking.”

So much for keeping this brief. Fuckity fuck.

Katie licks her lips, sucks her teeth in thought. “Well… A lot, really, but uh… Gaslighting, emotional abuse, manipulation… You uh, you name it.” Her chest aches from the truth and the rawness of it all straining against it, but she forces it back, forces it deep inside her where it can’t see the light of day. She doesn’t want to talk about it with Bob anymore, not right now, not when things are going as nice as they are and he thinks she’s a good person to be around. He certainly wouldn’t think that if he knew, would he, Katherine Mae? You’re not damaged. You’re worse than damaged; you’re categorically shattered-

“…Katie? You okay?”

Katie blinks, punches Carrie and her noxious words deep into the recesses of her brain. She really needs to stop having moments like these.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” she mumbles. “It’s, um… It’s a tricky thing for me to talk about.”

“It’s all right; I shouldn’t have asked about it in the first place. I’m sorry.” Bob takes a long, ponderous sip, eyes following the people strolling on the other side of the window. “Guess that explains why you joined after college.”

“Yeah. Shitty circumstances, but definitely the best decision I could’ve made.” Katie’s mouth curls upwards in a soft smile. “I have a job I love, I’ve already been to a few cool places, and I’m basically in an honors program for fighter pilots… I’d say I’m doing pretty okay these days.”

“I’d agree with you.”

“Bonus points for some of the people I’ve met recently, too,” she adds, the smile growing just the tiniest bit larger. “I haven’t known them long but they’ve made a pretty big difference in my life.”

At that, Bob’s cheeks go pink and he grins sheepishly. He still can’t quite smoothly take a compliment, but at this point Katie doesn’t care and she chuckles to herself. If anything, she finds it rather endearing.

They soon return to the silence of before, tuck into their breakfasts amidst the din of the restaurant and with a renewed sense of ease and contentment. There’s beauty in being comfortable with silence. The simple pleasure of their company is enough for them; there’s no real need to speak.

Until…

“We’re being watched.”

Bob’s buttering a piece of toast when he says it, and he says it so nonchalantly and with such a calm face that at first Katie thinks he’s joking. But, she follows the line of his gaze, and sure enough…

She’s not really noteworthy, the old lady sitting by herself at a nearby table. She nurses a cup of coffee that’s far more milk than it is coffee, and picks slowly at a raspberry danish on a small white plate. If she’s not holding the coffee in her veined right hand, then it’s a weathered copy of some old romance book. So absorbed is she in her little routine of coffee, pastry, and reading that Katie wonders if Bob’s imagination might be playing tricks on him.

However, all of that goes out the window when the lady looks up and catches Katie’s gaze with her own. She grins at her, and suddenly, inexplicably, Katie has a bad feeling about where this is heading.

“Y’know,” she says, “I’ve had dozens of boyfriends in my time, and none of them ever treated me the way he treats you. You’ve got yourself a good one there!”

Jesus Christ. Jesus fucking Christ.

Katie’s not sure who turns beet-red first: her, or Bob. She’s also not sure who starts coughing first. Oh my god. That actually happened.

She can’t believe it. First there’s Fanboy making jokes during PT. Then there’s Halfpint making snide comments whenever he sees them together. Now there’s some old lady mistaking them for a couple at a diner. Holy Christ, Katie’s inner thoughts moan, what is going on here?

“Oh no,” Bob coughs, “no no no, we’re just friends, ma’am.”

Katie’s quick to voice her agreement with Bob (albeit around a massive wheezing fit), but she gets the sense that the lady isn’t buying it. She nods politely and smiles at them before returning to her book, but there’s no missing the twinkle in her eye, the one that clearly says ‘you’re in denial’.

Christ - if Katie didn’t know any better, she’d say that this little old lady is a damn Cupid in disguise, trying to bend the universe and push her and Bob together.

Whoo boy. She doesn’t want to dedicate even a second of thought to that. Breakfast has already been complex enough without adding that in.

Thank god for the both of them, their remaining time in the restaurant is short-lived. Bob has them rung up and checked out in less than two minutes, and they slip out of the booth and through the front doors with hardly a word exchanged between them. The last thing Katie sees before they leave is the old lady grinning at them, twiddling her twisted fingers in farewell.

It’s only when they’re outside that they fully react to the exchange that’s just taken place, and while Katie heaves a heavy breath and stares up at the sky with her hands on her hips, Bob damn-near doubles over with laughter.

“Well, that turned into a real interesting breakfast, didn’t it?”

“Yeah, sure did… God, I can’t believe she thought we were a couple…” Katie’s head is spinning and her insides are burning. The universe, it seems, is really trying to pull something with her and Bob, and with each passing day, with each shared moment and second-too-long glance at one another, she’s beginning to question whether she even has a choice in the matter.

We’re friends and nothing more. We’re friends and nothing more. WE’RE FRIENDS AND NOTHING MORE.

But, as they start making their way back to the car, Katie looks down at Bob’s hand, veined and strong and relaxed beside his leg, and two thoughts pass through her head. They’re thoughts so… out of left field, so dubious and unlike her, she wonders if it’s really even herself: what if? What if she were to reach out and take his hand in hers?

And… what if they were ‘something more’?

***

A day and some change later, Katie has effectively put Bob’s Subaru through its paces and thensome. They spend close to four hours in the car, doing everything from going forward and backwards in one empty aisle of an isolated lot, to puttering around one of the on-base neighborhoods, to making full laps around North Island.

At first, it’s rough - really rough. Seeming to follow in Bob’s footsteps, Katie stalls out multiple times and struggles to make the car move in first gear. There’s frustrating, and then there’s what Katie feels, and it’s borderline agonizing. She knows how to drive, and goddamn it, she’s good at it; why is she suddenly so categorically unable to now?

She’s certain Bob’s going to boot her out from behind the wheel and take over driving, is certain that this is the worst attempt anyone’s ever made to drive manual, is certain that she’s a lousy driver and that everyone, Bob and the entire on-base population included, knows it. After all, she’s long since lost count of how many times the car has jerked forward and shut off, has lost count of the number of times she’s sworn out loud every time she’s slammed them back in their seats. Bob’s car has to be the damn finickiest piece of machinery she’s ever sat behind, but good god, it REALLY doesn’t help that she can’t get her shit together and just drive the car. She’s making an ass of herself and at this point, she’s waiting, waiting, waiting for Bob (Christ, practically begging him in her head) to just heave a sigh and tell her to stop.

But he doesn’t. Quite the opposite. He sits calmly in the passenger seat, bears each violent jolt and jerk with an understanding smile, tells Katie that she’s doing great in a way that makes her stomach flutter and her cheeks threaten to burn crimson. There it is again, that calm, quiet kindness of his. It’s like a pressure valve loosening within her.

Katie grits her teeth, pushes onward. Goddamn it, she has to nail this - if not for herself, then for the man sitting beside her.

And she does. For as awful as it is subjecting him to her inexperience, the numerous attempts and spiteful reattempts do finally pay off. She’s not perfect, but she does manage two laps around base without stalling or any significant lurching. And that? That is a victory she’ll take.

Hours later, it’s closing in on 8 p.m. and the two of them are occupying their usual corner of the Hard Deck, accompanied tonight by Fanboy, Halfpint, and a rather hefty pitcher of Coors (at Katie’s insistence because, even with her earlier success behind the wheel of Bob’s car, holy Christ, does she need a drink).

“So what’s this I hear about you learning stick with Bobber earlier?” Fanboy asks as he’s pouring himself a glass.

It takes all of Katie’s strength not to roll her eyes at the barely-there sly smirk on his face. Still trying to imply shit. Of course he is.

“It was more putting the theory into practice, but yeah,” Katie shrugs, just as a wince flashes across her face. “Pretty sure I tortured Bob’s car doing it, but I guess it all worked out.”

“Yeah?”

“Mm-hmm. Did a couple laps around base with little issue, so I’d say I did pretty good.”

“Sheesh,” Fanboy says with a whistle, “maybe I’ll let you start driving my car when we get back to Virginia-”

“Nah, I had my fill driving Bob’s today; I think I’m good for, like, the rest of my life.”

“Wise choice,” Halfpint mutters around the lip of his beer glass. “Trust me, you don’t wanna get behind the wheel of that thing.”

“Bro, why you gotta be like that?”

“Because your car’s a death trap and the last thing you wanna do is put a newly-minted manual driver in it!”

“Oh my god, it’s not that bad.”

“What do you drive, Fanboy?” Bob asks.

“An ‘09 370Z.”

“What, like a Nissan?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s a shitbox,” Halfpint cuts in, much to the annoyance of his WSO, who throws his arms up in exasperation.

“It is not a shitbox! It gets from point A to point B with no issue, and it sounds cool doing it!”

Halfpint snorts. Loudly. “My dude, you put more emphasis on that trash can exhaust mod than on, like, anything else in that car - y’know, like safety, or what actually makes the car run.”

“Oh what the fuck would you know, huh?”

“More than you, apparently.”

“First of all, if I’m gonna go anytime soon, then it’s gonna be in a blaze of glory. Second, bitch, have you heard my car? If it don’t sound like I have a hive full of angry fuckin’ bees under the hood, then it’s not a proper tuner!”

“Well if you’re going for loud, then you’ve definitely got that down, because Jesus… You’re worse than the fuckers who blast down the highway at two in the morning.”

“Well” - Fanboy swills the last of his beer and clanks the glass down hard on the tabletop - “I’m clearly being attacked here, so I’m just gonna go home now.” He stands up, and makes like he’s actually going to walk out and head out, but allows himself to be swung back to the table by Katie, who loops an arm through his with a laugh and a promise not to bully him anymore.

“We’re literally just giving you shit. Promise we’ll stop.”

“Yeah girl, you better,” Fanboy scoffs. “I know where you work.”

“Yeah, I know where you work too, dumdum,” Katie shoots back with a roll of her eyes. “Enough about shitboxes though - how was y’all’s weekend?”

“Couldn’t tell you a damn thing about Halfpint’s weekend, but mine was pretty good - hit up Coronado Beach yesterday, then spent the rest of it catching up on Demon Slayer and Jujutsu Kaisen-”

“Nerrrrrrrd-”

“Fuck off, Kozer! At least I left my room this weekend!”

As the pilot and his WSO launch into another spat of arguing and name-calling, Katie leans over towards Bob. “I swear, it’s like hanging out with a married couple with these two,” she murmurs to him around a sip of beer.

“Tell me about it… Do we break ‘em up or let ‘em keep going?”

“Eh,” Katie shrugs, “let ‘em bitch. Think they’ll notice if we drink all the beer?”

“Dunno. Let’s find out.”

Katie merely clinks her glass with Bob’s, then swills down the remains of her drink and pours a fresh one. To no one’s surprise, neither Fanboy nor Halfpint notice their classmates quietly kill the pitcher of Coors between them. When Bob orders them a second pitcher, it’s much of the same: more drinking, more people watching, more quiet laughing. For a Sunday evening, it’s a good way to pass the time.

Eventually, things wind down for the night. When the Hard Deck closes things down at 10, the two of them are among the last to leave. Fanboy and Halfpint have long since headed back to the Navy Lodge, and there are maybe four other patrons occupying the bar with them, all paying their tabs and shuffling off to their cars or loping their way back to their quarters. Despite Bob’s protesting, Katie pays for the pitchers.

“Gotta let me pay for something sometime, Bob,” she says with a wink as she’s scribbling her signature on the receipt.

“Do you realize I have a Georgia-based mother to deal with?” Bob groans (albeit jokingly). “She’d kick my ass if she found out I didn’t pay for a lady.”

“Well, guess it’s a good thing you’re all the way on the other side of the country in California,” she grins. “C’mon, let’s get outta here.”

“You wanna drive or do you want me to drive?”

“Oh dude, that’s all you. I put you and your car through enough today.”

“You sure?”

Katie nods with a tight smile. “Oh yeah.”

They push through the front doors into the warm, salt-tinged air of the night, chatting casually amongst themselves, ready to end the evening with a nice, easy drive home...

“Hey, you’re gorgeous.”

Katie whips her head around to the source of the comment, and finds herself looking at a man propped up against one side of the walkway railing. Judging by the way his words slur, he’s drunk - very drunk. Katie pays him no mind, continues on her way to the parking lot with Bob.

“Damn, I give you a compliment and you can’t even be bothered to say ‘thank you’? Th’ fuck’s amatter with ya?”

Oh Christ, I SO don’t need this right now - “Well,” Katie huffs as she turns on one heel to face the guy, “I’m a little hard-pressed to when I don’t even know you.”

“Oh. Well, that’s easy to fix.” He pushes himself away from his spot on the railing, stumbles over to Katie, body lurching to a stop when their chests are practically touching. Only they aren’t. Katie’s eye-level with his collarbone, and the realization of this twists her stomach. This guy is a fucking giant compared to her, and something tells her he knows it and is using it to his advantage.

Shit. She already doesn’t like how this is going.

“Gimme your number and we’ll get to know each other better sometime.”

She tries to play things cool, plays the noncommittal angle. “Maybe,” she sighs. “They keep us pretty busy at TOPGUN. Doubt I’ll have time to get away from all that-”

“Oh, you’re one of those snobby pilot bitches, aren’t ya?” The guy leans down, leers in her face, sour beer breath curling across her nose. “Think you’re too good for me, huh?”

“Seriously? You’re the one acting like an asshole and getting all up in my personal space,” Katie bites.

“Wouldn’t be a problem if you’d just gimme your number - so how ‘bout it?” Inch by inch, he’s moving forward, and inch by inch, Katie’s moving backward, closer and closer to the wood railing behind her, closer and closer to trapping and being trapped. “Make this easy for the both of us, huh?”

“C’mon man, she’s not interested” - Bob makes to step between Katie and the nameless guy harassing her - “leave her alone-”

It’s like Bob’s not even there. The guy shoulder checks him out of the way and continues on with Katie as if nothing happened. Undeterred, Bob makes another attempt to shield her - and is shoved off with a laugh and a ‘get lost bitch’.

Katie’s vision immediately goes red. Enough of this. It’s bad enough that this guy’s harassing her - but putting hands on her friend and calling him names? Absolutely not.

“You want my number? Here.” She snatches the guy’s phone out of his hand, punches in a series of numbers, and all but throws it back at him. “There’s my number. Now can you leave me the fuck alone?”

“All right, all right, damn, don’t need to be a bitch about it! I’ll hit you up later, yeah?”

In your dreams, asshole- “Yeah, I’m sure you will,” Katie mutters before taking Bob’s hand and leading him down the ramp to the parking lot. She doesn’t even care that she’s being rude or putting herself in a risky position anymore; she just wants to leave and never see this asshole again.

“Better be ready for me when I do!”

Katie doesn’t even dignify that with a response - just stomps off for the car with Bob in tow. She’s fairly certain that if she did, it would be an aggressively physical one - and she definitely doesn’t need the kind of trouble that would bring. Neither of them do.

The instant they’re out of earshot, Bob’s got an arm around her shoulders and he’s pulling her tight to his frame, sheltering her from the two pricks they’re fast leaving behind. Were this a normal situation, Katie would be a blushing mess right now, but after the last five minutes, she’s too rattled and on-edge to be flustered. She wordlessly accepts the pull into him, snakes her own arm around his waist - and he jumps, just the tiniest bit. He must not have been expecting reciprocation from her. No matter.

His voice is soft, low. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine… Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine…” He pauses, purses his lips. “Please tell me you didn’t actually give that guy your phone number.”

“Wha- no. I gave him a bunch of randoms. I don’t even know if what I gave him is a phone number.”

“Good…”

“Believe me, I want nothing to do with that asshole.”

“Yeah, neither do I.”

Bob says nothing else beyond that. At least, he doesn’t at first. He’s far too focused on putting distance between them and the harasser - but it’s clear that he’s got something on his mind, something to say.

“...Bob?”

No response. Just step, after step, after silent step.

“C’mon Bob, talk to me.”

Still no response. Step, after step, after silent step. Katie exhales in disappointment and goes to drop the subject, but before she can, he speaks.

“That’s why my callsign’s Bob.”

“…What?”

“You asked me three weeks ago why my callsign’s my first name. That’s why.”

There’s no missing the hard edge in Bob’s voice. He’s angry - a rare thing, given his usually easygoing, soft spoken disposition. It’s not just in his voice, though. It’s in the way he stares straight forward, even when he’s speaking directly to Katie; it’s in the stiffness of his walking; it’s in the tautness of his arm around her shoulders. This is a full-body, full-brunt feeling - and quite honestly, it unsettles Katie.

“Wait, hold on-” She steals a quick glance over her shoulder, turns back and looks up at Bob as she juts a thumb back. “What does he have to do with it?”

“It’s guys like him,” Bob replies stiffly.

Katie’s brow furrows but she says nothing. She’s not entirely sure where he could be going with this, but she’s not so sure she wants to find out - or, rather, that she should be finding out.

“All my life, I’ve been pushed around and counted out by guys like that. It happened every three, four years when dad would haul us with him to a new duty station; it happened when he retired and we settled in Georgia; it happened when I went to college.” He pauses, inhales deeply through his nose, presses on. “I joined the Navy because I thought things would be different - y’know, that I’d get to prove myself and show people I’m someone to be taken seriously. You know what it actually was? Same shit. More pushing around, more laughing, and more forgetting.”

“Bob-”

“Guys like that who look at me and don’t think I’m even worth the dirt on their boots, much less their time and consideration? They’re everywhere in the Navy, but I picked the one community that’s absolutely infested with them.” He barks out a laugh, a mirthless one. “God, what was I thinking?”

“You were thinking you were gonna end that cycle of bullshit.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t. I tried to, but… Nope. I wound up being an afterthought all through OCS and primary flight training. I didn’t even get a callsign until well over six months at Lemoore, and when I did, it was a matter of ‘who are you and why don’t you have a callsign? I guess it can be Bob, whatever.’” When Katie looks up at him again, Bob’s gaze is glazed over, distant - and while the rest of his face is smooth and neutral, there’s no missing the shame, resentment, and hurt in his eyes. “They gave me that name because I’m forgettable and don’t mean much. And… And what you saw just now proved what I am and what people think of me.”

Oh, Bob.

Katie’s throat closes and she thinks she might actually start crying. So that’s why Bob never told her. That’s why he’s kept that story so close and tight to him. And it makes perfect sense, but god, if it doesn’t rip her heart into little pieces.

“Do you really think that?” she asks him quietly.

Bob sighs, shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter what I think. It’s what everyone else thinks.”

In an instant, the hurt and sadness is replaced with anger of her own, a burning, snarling anger.

The words that come out of Katie’s mouth bite the air around them. “Fuck them,” she spits. “Fuck all of them. They don’t know a damn thing about you. And for the record, I don’t think that about you.”

“Katie, you don’t have to-”

“No, lemme finish.” She shushes Bob with a single pointed glance. “You’re genuinely one of the nicest, smartest, coolest guys I know, not to mention you’re pretty terrifying in a Super Hornet. I think you’re fucking incredible, okay? I could never forget about you - and quite frankly, I don’t wanna forget about you.”

Bob is silent, staring at her with a gleam of awe in his eyes. One would think he’s never heard reassurance like this before; judging by the way he was talking earlier, he hasn’t. Well, enough of that. He deserves better and Katie knows it.

“Seriously, fuck that guy back there, and people like him. I doubt you’ll ever run into him again, but even if you did, he doesn’t matter in the long run, and neither does his opinion of you.”

“I know. Just…” Bob exhales, long and exhausted. “I’m tired, Katie. I’m so tired of it.”

“I know you are, and I’m sorry that you’ve had to put up with that shit for so long.” She’d give anything to reach over and just wipe away the tired, defeated look on his face. She hates seeing him look like that.

“Gonna have to put up with it as long as I’m in the Navy…” The look lingers for one second more, then in an instant it’s gone, replaced with one of resolve, of steel. “You’re right, though. He doesn’t matter.”

“No, he doesn’t - and I’ll tell you what, if that guy had put his hands on you one more time, I would’ve turned around and decked him.”

“…Really?”

Katie nods. “Really. You matter more to me than he does.” Her cheeks are burning bright and she’s certain that Bob can see it, but she doesn’t care. It needs to be said.

When Bob speaks again, his voice is soft, softer than anything it’s been in the last five minutes, so soft that she has to strain to hear him - but she does, and oh.

“You matter to me too, y’know. A lot.”

It’s no different than what she just said to him a moment ago, but coming from him this time around? It hits differently. There’s something there, something peculiar, something hanging between the two of them; Katie can feel it. She’s certainly not one to read too much into situations or energy, but there’s no ignoring the something between them, not after the last few weeks. Hell, the last 24 hours. She can’t.

And, with one look into the cerulean blue eyes walking beside her, Katie is certain that Bob can’t, either.

“C’mon, let’s go home.”

And off they go, Bob’s arm around Katie’s shoulders, her arm around his waist, their steps synched with the other’s…

And god, if it isn’t the most natural feeling in the world.

It almost feels like home.

@thestagsheadsblog @everything-i-love-in-life @luckyladycreator2 @docdetective

#top gun maverick #robert bob floyd #bob floyd #lewis pullman #bob my beloved #top gun #movies #bob top gun #film #top gun: maverick #robert floyd x female oc #female oc #fanfiction

12 notes · View notes

x-authorship-x · 1 year

Note

Shisui and Kisame being on opposite sides/enemies kinda made me think of a Hunger Games AU. Just imagine the type of chaos two tributes from different districts allying and sticking by it would cause on the capitol 😭(also the angst potential??? Jesus)

But that begs the question, would the stunt that EverLark pulls with the nightlock berries even work with KisaShi in this scenario?

I think they “allowed” it in HG because they were from the same district, but I think that would be harder to achieve in this AU.

Not to say that I think that these sacrificial idiots would not do the stunt fully expecting to die, because they absolutely would.

( They did kill themselves in canon for the causes they believed in, so if there was a possibility that them dying that way did more good that harm, i think they would take it)

(Also i have no ideia who's Katniss and who's Peeta in this scenario, i think they both have the potential to be either them)

(Also also, i have thoughts about the reaping itself but i didn't want to derail the subject away from KisaShi, so let me know if you wanna talk about that lmao)

And, would KisaShi even manage to end up playing the romantic act? I feel like they would lean more in the friendship thing because Peeta an Katniss had known each other before the games, so that gave them something to work it, but Kisame and Shisui literally would only have assumed hostility. I feel like it would suit them more to have romance later.

Anyways, so sorry this is so long, the revival the HG fandom got in tiktok just got me really happy

(Do you have any thoughts on this AU? Maybe even another duo that would be interesting to see as Peeta and Katniss? Would love to hear opinions! No pressure though! ❤ )

xoxo

Nalyvia, babe, I haven't interacted with HG in a long time so its very dusty in my mind... But, frankly, I love this.

You should also know that I am (affectionately) cursing you.

I was never a fan-fan of HG (I'm always a bit more happy-escapist, I say like I don't write angst and read non-fiction 🥴) but you unlocked my brain with this one. This was written via voice-transcript because the brainstorming wouldn't stop and my fingers aren't fast enough. It took half an hour to edit this 🤣

To feign normalcy for a moment, I agree that romance would be amazing later. If they somehow both survived, maybe the crowds at the Capitol rioted or something, then can you imagine the tension and looks across rooms? The winners don't exactly socialise amongst each other, probably for fear of collaboration, so it's just glimpses at functions and shit....ARGH

At the same time my horrible goblin brain would LOVE a lovers speed run, like imagine an adrenaline kiss and then it's all angry and they bite and the crowd is going BALLISTIC 😵👀

Okay, back to my honest reaction to this ask.

I lost it, like dropping a ball of yarn and it won't stop rolling and unravelling. Except I didn't expect to lose it so imagine I didn't know the yarn was there and went flying when I tripped on it. Except the yarn is a daisy chain of writhing poisonous snakes and they're also on fire and I'm on fire and everything was very much out of hand ✨🥹

Disclaimer: I planned this so much, it's basically begging to be written. However, my interest in delving into HG is extremely low (ha!) so if anyone would like to collaborate on this idea, then DM me.

To fit the Narutoverse characters into the HG social structure... We need to rethink exactly why the districts are shaped and viewed the way they are. Also only one champion per reaping because I can't be bothered with thinking about expendable people and having them clog up the plot.

Konoha is the first village. It's the biggest, the winner of every war, it's the largest and probably the richest. It is District One: Lumber, Military, Agriculture, mercantile goods.

Who is District Twelve? I would say Ame. It's poor, there very little there, small population, overlooked until it's too late. Nagato (volunteering for Konan) was be the first and only champion to win for this district (Yahiko was killed for resisting the Reaping and inciting civil unrest when Konan was called).

Kiri is somewhere in the middle. They are where the capitol's Naval fleet is based and all funding goes to public offices there, leaving the locals to forge weaponry and build ships or starve in poverty. They have a long history of revolutionary excitation and this means the Capitol are particularly brutal with them. District Six.

Plotline background!

Shisui survived and won the games when he was a preteen. He was picked, he trained hard (as all District One Champions are), and he absolutely demolished the competition. Because winners are so common from the top few districts (in keeping with the Five Great Shinobi Nations, the others are Uzushio (hold your horses, wait for it), Kumo, Iwa, Suna, with Kiri as the problematic straggler) they have policies in place to give the champions higher social status. Shisui is chosen to be the bodyguard of a local Elder, Danzo.

When his young cousin Itachi is chosen at a Reaping a few years later, Shisui defies his new social status (snubbing the Elder Danzo) and volunteers in Itachi's place. There is absolute scandal and Shisui is threatened by the Elder and Peacekeepers (ROOT) into allowing Itachi to compete as intended and not make waves. With the support of some of his fellow District One winners (Kakashi, who was traumatised that his fellow competitor and best friend Obito was killed off by the organisers because they both couldn't win, and Tenzo, who was personally trained in one of Elder Danzo's fight rings to ensure he won money and political favours that year) Shisui stands firm.

Meanwhile, Kisame has grown up in the shipyards of Kiri. His parents were both killed in failed uprisings and he had to mature quickly. Because he is so tall and strong, he has survived where many of his peers haven't and he was able to get his hands on food and shelter because he could work so hard. He has grown up with the mutterings and stories of the disillusioned around him and he truly hates the Capitol (and, to a lesser extent, the Top Five Districts, who are considerably richer and more successful than the rest and seen as largely complicit). When he's chosen, the shipyard community descends on him and he's stuffed into a secret underground collective that are looking to make yet another run at revolution. They need Kisame to not only win the games but provide them access to the Capitol. He needs to survey how the whole city functions, how to gain access to the main buildings both in Kiri as well as in the Capitol, and he needs to incite revolutionary fervour in the other districts if he can. Zabuza and Mei, two previous Champions, are able to swing themselves onto Kisame's 'prep team' and the trio set off for the Capitol.

Plot thickens!

In the Capitol, Shisui is the clear favourite. He's their darling, a familiar face and a proven good bet (he shocked them all as a kid, but now he's a man and only more talented/skilled, as well as old enough for sex appeal to also factor into his campaign). He is constantly playing an act, even in his rooms, because every single member of his team is in Danzo's pocket and Shisui knows that Danzo is going to control him and punish him if he's not extremely careful. However, one of the guards subtly does let him breathe a little more.

Shisui wows the crowd at the parade by wearing a richly decorated silk kimono (as Konoha includes luxury fabric and mercantile goods) that appears to blossom with real branches and flowers before bursting into flames (Shisui looks very hot when on fire ok) (I wanted to do the Katniss moment, it's a need, and also Shisui IS an Uchiha and it is KONOHA so fire has to be in there, let's say the fire is because.... Forest fires? They burn fields every year and it's visible from the Capitol? Idk let me have this)

Kisame, however, absolutely robs the show for District Six because, in his ship-shaped chariot, he's (done a Finnick) draped in just a bit of net and oiled up like a sea god. He's blue (because I say so 😤) and tattooed to high heavens and... It's a lot of muscle, a lot of man. The dark horse, if you will.

Kisame isn't one to lie or deceive, that's what the officials and Capitol do, but this is justice to turn it back on the lot of these rich fuckers. Mei has way too much creative license. Zabuza is making a lot of bets to ensure they get as much money as possible as well as sneaking off at every chance to scout the city. The crowd are so delighted that two Kiri champions have stepped up to prepare this new one, it's very fun to see familiar faces again.

They are massive rivals. Shisui is trying to play a political game here and fuck up the whole party. Kisame is trying to incite a revolution and Shisui is part of the enemy in his eyes.

They get into the arena. Its a labyrinth outside of the capitol that they have to escape. Closest to District Two, Uzushio.

Lots of hunting, killing. Shisui starts causing problems because he's so fast that half of the others are tracking him and failing spectacularly. Kisame, meanwhile, is killing the hyperagressive ones without mercy whilst trying to form alliances with the more downtrodden districts.

Cutscene to Mei and Zabuza who are fucking around and finding out with the capitol and meet elder danzo who lets some stuff slip about district one and shisui and shit.

Cutscene to one of Danzo's guards, that had been making life horrible for Shisui, pushing another over a balcony to terrible injury. Another bodyguard is sent from District One. It's revealed to be Kakashi in disguise, with Tenzo (who has a history as one of Danzo's private fighters) having been the one to maim the other guard and who was the friendly but silent guard watching Shisui's back~

The President (I completely forgot lmao) is Kaguya! Games organiser is Zetsu I guess

Kisame meets contestant Anko (they met during the rallying at the Capitol before this, obvs, but just bear with me dammit), from the newly formed Sound District (she was previously from Konoha but, when the new district was formed for medicinal and scientific manufacturing shit stuff blah blah then she was transferred) and manages to recruit her before realising that she's originally Konohan. He belatedly remembers her strange behaviour (exchanging secret messages) with Shisui and she reveals to him that it's not what he might assume. Anko goes off to help the other (subtly because cameras, so want to make a statement but also don't want to get nuked by the organisers) converted competitors and Kisame finds himself facing Shisui at last (they squared up in the Capitol obvs but that was brief posturing and UST), who was secretly watching on to make sure Kisame didn't kill Anko.

They fight.

It's badass.

(Small scenes of various Capitol reactions. Danzo is smug, thinking Shisui will put Kisame down and quiet whispers about political dissent as well as his own disobedience. Kakashi and Tenzo watch from behind Danzo's shoulders, hidden by Danzo's personalised Peacekeeper helmets. Zabuza and Mei watch with wariness for Shisui's professional skill/speed compared to Kisame's strength and creativity, as well as growing realisation -from the interactions with Anko etc - that more districts might be on side if they try hard enough.)

Shisui guesses what Kisame is doing with the revolution and he's right. Kisame goes to attack him but Shisui decides to return that transparency (even if Kisame's wasnt exactly willingly shared) and reveals that he's actually been scouting the perimeter this whole time.

And he thinks, combining the differing specialities of different districts and competitors together, they can break out. And survive getting to the Capitol.

Cue the slow progression of wary allies to friends to pining counterparts to lovers!

In the Capitol, Kakashi and Tenzo team up with Zabuza and Mei. They also make friends with married couple Minato and Kushina, previous winners from Uzushio (District Two, power station and security of the Capitol) who have become such favourites that they are welcome guests each year... But they hate the system and have secretly been running a smuggling route for years~

They also meet Orochimaru, the first (and only) winner from Sound, who has wiggled his way into being the President's private doctor.

Lots of shit happens.

The competitors break out, Kakashi (who has become extremely close with Minato and Kushina) is subsequently devastated when Minato nearly (aren't I nice) dies when taking one for the team and sabotaging the Capitol's security network to allow the districts to rampage and help the competitors make it back to the Capitol alive.

The districts rise up, it turns out that Nagato and Konan of District Twelve have been preparing since before Yahiko died, and the Capitol is quickly overrun. The people rise up, the President begins to flee!~

And this my brain starts to get mushy 😅 hmm, something-something Obito didn't die but Zetsu saved him and squirrelled him away as like a "Super Peacekeeper" (Winter Soldier parallels whoops lol) as an ace in case he needed personal protection/as a crowd shock factor as games organiser (gotta think of the views, even in a civil war!) And there's a huge thing blah blah Kakashi breaks the indoctrination, the President is killed by Shisui and Kisame Eternal-Honeymoon-Dream-Team and society is restructured.

Turns out Itachi's mom (and dad, who is forming a proto police force) took the chance to lead the District One revolt, and Itachi is like the poster child/mascot of the revolution there lol mikoto is pregnant with Sasuke and kushina is pregnant with Naruto!

Happy ending all around! (And look at that, none of my favs died, amazing 🤩)

This got out of hand and I wrote it in one go so now my brain is dead, if you couldn't tell by how...wonky... Things started to get at the end 🤣 it only took me.... Uhh two hours PFFFT-

"Do you have any thoughts on this AU?" Nalyvia, darling, don't JINX IT look what happened?!

#torship #torship talks #torship OVERtalks #ask #nalyvia #shisui #kisame #hunger games #HG AU #kisame x shisui #KisaShi

14 notes · View notes

djbeatz · 1 year

Text

Let Chuuya Live Please?

So, I got like, two requests for this so here we go?

Let’s start with the fact that Dazai is smart, like, painfully smart. So much so that we all know that he is capable of predicting situations before they happen and plan accordingly. This is shown in Dead Apple. From the very start of the movie Dazai had known what would happen, and he had hidden a pill in his mouth for what would happen hours later.

Just by that we can tell that when he knows something is going to happen, he knows a long time before because if think about it, he had to have gotten that pill from somewhere right? An antidote for poison, and you can’t just take any pill of course, he had to have known which kind of pill he needed for it to work, either that being a pill that can deal with more than one kind of poisoning (if that exists, I’m not an expert) or a pill for that specific kind of poison. Of course, he had told no one about what was going to happen and while it is possible that Dazai had stolen a pill from Yosano, as a doctor, you can expect her to know just how much of what product or such she has, not to mention, if he tried to put a fake it wouldn’t take her long to know.

I don’t necessarily need find out exactly where he got the pill, all I know is that he obtained from somewhere before the timeline of movie. Maybe days before or weeks, all I know is that he might’ve known long before the movie that something was going to happen and that gives a good testament to his knowledge.

Now, why did I talk so much about Dead Apple? Because I think he could’ve (very hypothetical) told Chuuya sometime during it. Which sounds strange really because the only time they are seen together throughout the movie is in that one scene where Chuuya defeated the dragon and punched Dazai back to life all the way until Chuuya passes out and the scene ends.

But then comes the obstacle of Chuuya’s consciousness. He passed out fairly quickly which poses a problem in getting the message across. That’s why if y Dazai wanted to get the message across he had supposedly two options.

That time when they were falling from the sky, they must’ve been hundreds of feet in the air and I’m not sure if I should fully testament cinemtaic effect for the fact that they fell so softly and not to mention slowly for what must’ve been skydiving height, but if they were in the right position then it is possible that he used his heartbeat to communicate it to Chuuya as they descended, and it was obvious that at the time, Chuuya was more lucid. Directly after the use of corruption, for how many times we’ve seen him use it, there was, if I remember right, some time when he wasn’t delirious and maybe not completely alert, but alert enough to function, speak and think. Of course, once they hit the ground, too much time would’ve passed, and he’d get knocked out cold.

Before you tell me about Stormbringer. Keep in mind that that was the very first time he used it and it was a completely new experience for his body so there was no way he could’ve stayed awake after going through something so excruciating for the first time and probably for a bit longer than he normally does now as they had not known the limits at the time. But he has used it more than once and the more he uses it, the more his body gets used to it. It’s kind of like lifting weights, it doesn’t get easier, you just get stronger, you get used to it and as time goes on it becomes manageable.

His body became used to the activation of corruption, it did not get easier on his body, he could just handle the aftereffects better. Of course, there was the 4-year gap where he didn’t use it at all, but when you see him use it again at 22, he didn’t immediately go down, it took him a second at most. So that helps us get some kind of idea of how well his body can still handle the aftereffects. In Dead Apple, it took him a solid minute or two to pass out, but if you count that and the added time it took for them to reach the ground, I bet it was at least five minutes.

The second option seems just a bit less or more likely depending on how you look at it.

After the initial battle with Atsushi, Kyouka and Akutagawa, we get a scene where Akutagawa and Chuuya share a bit of small talk and besides from the injuries, he looked quite fine. He didn’t look like he’d drift off or as if there was something wrong with his head. No, he looked completely present and alert, well aware of what was going on and a very clear absence of Dazai.

We all know that Dazai has a tendency to ‘clean up’ after corruption. Who else but him would clean Chuuya’s face and retrieve his coat and hat? with that thought in mind, it’s clear that he stays behind for a few minutes at most after corruption, and with how awake Chuuya was, he’d have to have been awake for a while. We also don’t get to see exactly what went down before Dazai left. We saw them both and then it was only Chuuya.

So, what happened?

Of course, Dazai could’ve left before Chuuya woke up, but for the sake of the concept I’m working with here, lets cross out that possibility for a moment. Dazai could’ve easily waited for Chuuya to wake, he could’ve lied him on his chest and used his heartbeat to convey his message. Why would he have to do that? Fyodor probably. Season 4 actually gives me reason to believe this.

If you haven’t watched Season 4 yet than skip from this line to the next

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you’ve seen the scene where Fyodor escapes detection from Fukuzawa of all people, then you know where I’m going. Sure, it can be argued that he didn’t completely escape detection from Fukuzawa, he had turned to investigate the gaze at the back of his head, but the fact remains that Fyodor wasn’t caught. Fukuzawa didn’t even try to investigate, meaning he hadn’t thought there a need to check it out or something close.

Keeping this into account, that also means that he has been in Yokohama for years now and went without even being suspected as a presence there much less a threat. So how easy would it be for him to spy on anyone in the wreckage? He was given the perfect amount of hiding spots. He’s slick so with all those rocks and rubble, I don’t doubt that he could’ve snuck up on anyone.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And seeing as they are on the same level, Dazai would know this.

He would know and expect this so he couldn’t risk speaking allowed. So, what if he closed his eyes, laid back and ‘slept’. What if he waited for Chuuya to wake up. Knowing exactly how Chuuya would wake up in this situation. He would wake up, won’t open his eyes for a while because everything hurts. His eyes hurt from the physical adjustments that happen during Corruption and his ears are ringing at first, but the first sense he always gets back is his hearing.

Dazai will grab his attention with a signal using his heartbeat and Chuuya will stay and listen, because it is important when he does this, as begrudging as he is to admit. Dazai only does this on special occasions. So, for a few minutes they’ll lay there in silence. On the outside, it looks as if they are both sleeping, but in truth, Dazai is informing Chuuya of some very important information.

Granted, it is very early for Dazai to know something like that, so the plan may not be fully developed yet, but Dazai has some idea of what will happen and as time goes on the plan will become susceptible to change. The best they could do was find a way to keep in contact without being caught or seeming suspicious.

But we got a time skip after the movie. We don’t know what happened during the time we couldn’t see so anything could’ve happened. There could’ve been rendezvouses, secret meet ups, seeing each other every now and then and communicating in a way only they knew. Really, anything could’ve happened before those events.

Also, as a side note, why does no one talk about hod Dazai changed out of the white suit before meeting up with Atsushi and Kyouka? Maybe because he didn’t want them to see it, or because he had blood on it, or because he might’ve used the sleeve to wipe the blood off of Chuuya’s face, who knows.

Well, with that said, I’m too tired to check for errors in grammar or plot, I got basically all of it off the top of my head and I’m tired so do with it what you will Ig.

@beautyandthepeith

#Rambling #theorising #bsd #bungo stray dogs #dead apple #Dazai Osamu #chuuya nakahara #dazai controlling his heartbeat #idk what to do with this #enjoy?

20 notes · View notes

beautifulpersonpeach · 1 year

Note

Do you think jimin’s debut will be affected by the many projects happening right now? The fandom is already overwhelmed and (broke lol). Why does if feel like as fans we have to pick which member we have to support because a lot of us can’t support them all at the same time! And i mean financially before anyone jumps me

***

Hi Anon,

Of course, Jimin’s project will be affected by all the releases around March 24th. Fall Out Boy, Lana Del Ray, Morgan Wallen etc all releasing music around the same time, will be a nuisance on the charts since they have more support. ARMYs will just need to do what they do and hope for the best.

But that’s not really what you’re asking. To answer your actual question:

It’s possible Namjoon’s collab project impacts some of the gun powder in the fandom for Jimin’s solo project. But even if this happened, the impact would be negligible. In my opinion.

Personally, I don’t fully understand the worry around multiple projects dropping around the same time. To me this honestly is the sort of thing someone who either spends time in solo-stan adjacent spaces would say (or else they’d notice the same complaint coming from six other quarters), or someone who doesn’t think all that highly of the fandom’s effort when it comes to specific members, relative to that person’s expectations.

It’s true that everyone’s financial situation is different and so not everyone can multiply their k-pop spending by 7 (and even more than that if we count collabs). But the fandom is huge enough that there’s a wide variance in spending power and ultimately, the boys’ efforts will be supported. As a couple of examples: ARMYs raised $100,000 in 24 hours on a whim to support MeganTheeStallion during her fight with her label in 2021 (also for charity). ARMYs have sold out car models before, in between back-to-back tours. In my case, I work hard for my money, have always been the sort of music fan who puts her money where her mouth is, and I actually like all seven members and so I have no problem spending on them if I like the music. And I’m certainly not the only ARMY like this. If your concern is financial support, then I honestly don’t understand why you’d be worried.

With one exception:

It’s true that Chapter 2 has allowed those more inclined to like only one or two members, to detach more from the rest of the group. I’m talking the sorts of people who while BTS were in Chapter 1 as a group, mostly tuned in for their favourite member(s), and now that those people are not required to support BTS as a group, they will only focus on the select members they like. These people wouldn’t think of themselves as solo stans, and in fact many of them have enough awareness to usually avoid the more poisonous behaviours of akgaes, but they essentially function like solo stans and will be less inclined to support other members in the band. And really, that’s all good and fine. We all like what we like, after all.

What I’ve observed though is those people happen to be the same ones sensitive to seeing other people like them, who happen to not support their favourite member(s). It’s ironic, but predictable. And yes the fandom has certainly fractured more in Chapter 2, leaving a smaller core of OT7 ARMYs to consistently support every member even as they are still figuring out how to replicate BTS-scale success targets 7 times over. But these are growing pains necessary for the fandom to mature. In my humble opinion. So while some see it as the fandom getting burned out, I see it as the core of the fandom reaching a more realistic equilibrium. These are real changes happening in the fandom that I think your ask alludes to and it’s fair to acknowledge it.

But that aside,

I doubt there’s the expectation for every ARMY to spend beyond their means to support BTS. If you can’t afford it, don’t sweat it because financial contribution through music/merch purchases is only one of several ways to support BTS and any of the members. Streaming/listening to their music, recommending it to friends and family, requesting it on radio, making fake make-up line ads on TikTok, hosting parties with their music, making fan-art, etc, are all ways to support that aren’t financially cantered but still mean a whole lot.

Jimin’s album release will do well, and I think almost just as well as if Joon’s release never happened. Since I’m nearly certain that’s why you’re asking. At the end of the day, so long as you’re actively listening to their music, enjoying it, and encouraging the people around you to do the same, this might sound cliche, but what I’ve observed with BTS and ARMYs is that those things ultimately mean more and eventually lead to positive financial returns to the guys.

Rest assured Jimin will be getting laid paid in 2023. The fandom will make sure of it.

#including his solo stans #PJMs are many things but one thing even I can see is those mfs are dedicated to the cause #it’s a shame so many of them can be a bit stupid #but there’s a bit of that in ARMY too #lol #anyway #pre-order FACE #get ready for RM’s collab too #personally I just get excited at the prospect of good music in general #park jimin #jimin #Namjoon #BTS #bts army #bts fandom #fandom behaviour

14 notes · View notes

whentherewerebicycles · 1 year

Text

my beloved pups :) period started overnight and I woke up so sad. but I think the one good thing from this bummer of a weekend is that I feel like I’ve reached some clarity about next steps. I want to hold firm to the original boundary I set before starting this process: no IVF, at least in the US. truly zero judgment of anyone else’s choices but having a biological child is not so important to me that I want to mortgage my own future (and my kids’ futures) to it financially. and I’m genuinely interested in and open to fostering to adopt even though I have some nervousness around the idea.

so here’s my plan, because you know I can’t function without a plan:

depending on what my dr says tomorrow, I’ll pursue additional testing if it’s not crazy expensive. if there’s a physical reason IUI can’t work for me I would like to know so I can feel confident I’ve fully tried that option.

assuming there isn’t a physical reason and I just haven’t gotten lucky yet… I have gone through a lot research to try to understand the clinical guidance. I wanted to understand if the “3 failed IUIs = IVF is your only option” advice is based in good science or if it’s one of those things that people repeat to each other because they’ve heard it a lot. (I also wanted to know if it’s one of those things where our culture’s tendency to pathologize and hypermedicalize pushes people towards the invasive high-tech expensive options sooner than necessary). I am not 100% confident in my ability to interpret scientific data so you know, grain of salt but: it does seem like a lot of the studies that recommend the 3 cycle limit are single-clinic studies with small sample sizes. I found a more recent and much larger study that concluded that people who do 6-9 cycles still achieve similar rates of pregnancy as people who do 3-4. so it seems like the drop-off maybe isn’t as precipitous as the internet would have you believe. it’s hard to imagine doing 9 cycles (financially and emotionally) but I think I could do up to six.

I signed up this morning for the foster care licensing course online (in my state you have to be licensed both to foster and to adopt from foster care). I have to complete eight 3-hour sessions plus additional in-person stuff at the end. I want to set a goal of completing one session per week—maybe an hour a night spread over a few nights. I also want to use this process to engage in sustained reflection and writing about my feelings/fears around pursuing parenting by another route. it seems totally normal and expected that I’d have a lot of head/heart-clearing to do before I’m ready to tackle a big life-changing commitment. so I want to begin that work now. I would like to complete the online training by July 15 (and I of course have my own syllabus of secondary readings I want to do too lol). I’ve heard the home study process you have to complete after training can take anywhere from 3-9 months, so starting now will get me moving in that direction but won’t obligate me to make any big decisions for a while yet.

IVF abroad is still a possibility—I budgeted it out for one of the Greece clinics and I think I could do it for $8-9k which includes all travel and lodging costs (not bad if I also get a fun two-week vacation out of it!). but I couldn’t afford to do that financially or PTO-wise until November/December, so I think it makes sense to move forward on other fronts for now and keep that as a back-burner idea I can return to in a couple months.

and lastly: here’s a final emotional thing I want to register. as I expected it might, this process has been stirring up a lot of old buried gender shame, which isn’t specifically about my body but has more to do with that one quote people reblog on tumblr that goes something like I have always been ashamed of being witnessed in the act of wanting what I can’t have. my gender shame has always had so little to do with my gendered body and so much to do with the feeling that people are watching me want to embody something I can’t embody in a way that convinces anyone. I spent so much of my life feeling shut out of girlhood, and even though most of the time I couldn’t decide if I even wanted to be let into girlhood (my feelings are still decidedly mixed!), that feeling of being shut out still kinda fucks you up inside, you know? I feel like I’ve made a lot of peace with that old pain and a lot of progress towards expanding my conception of what being a woman means (as emi koyama puts it in the transfeminist manifesto: there are as many ways of being a woman as there are women). but it makes sense that when you encounter new triggers for old pain it would take a while to kinda recalibrate and find your equilibrium again. right now I want to have a baby—ie I want to do this human thing that our culture associates (strongly, insistently, at times punitively) with “successful” womanhood. and I am so far failing repeatedly to have a baby! I am failing even with the help of medical interventions that are supposed to ramp up my ~insufficiently feminine~ body’s ability to do this thing that “women’s bodies” are supposed to be able to do without help. like, one million scare quotes around ALL of this—this isn’t what I believe in my head but it is the deeply ingrained cultural script that’s been drilled into my heart! so I think a lot of the heaviness I’m feeling around this whole thing is just like, the old pain, the old shame, the old buried humiliation of being witnessed in the act of wanting something I can’t have. and I may need to make a bit more space for myself to do some gentle and compassionate excavating of those ugly, shameful feelings so I can look at them in the light and say: yes, that’s a thought, but it isn’t mine. it never was. it came from somewhere else, a tiny little fragment of cultural shrapnel embedded in my heart. I may never be able to remove it completely but I don’t have to confuse it for part of me and I have the tools now to keep its slow poison from leaching into my blood. I am whole as I am. I am loved as I am; I love myself as I am. I can acknowledge the old bad feelings with compassion, but I don’t ever have to ever go back to that time in my life when I treated shame as the only or truest truth.

#IUI tag #long post #personal #girls I have been

15 notes · View notes

thatll-do · 11 months

Note

top five favorite video game characters?

Ok, so I originally had this whole thing with pics and gifs typed out, and I was on the last sentence before posting answer when tumblr glitched out and deleted all of it. So Imma redo it and hopefully do the original draft justice, but without gifs and pics just in case that was what screwed it up

Edit: it happened a third time >:(

1: As a devout Haru stan and apologist, it pains me a little to say that I have not had the full Haru experience, having not played any of the spinoffs or supplementary material outside of Persona 5 Royal, and we are not counting the Haru that exists only in my head, which is why despite my love for her, I cannot in good conscious call her one of my favorite video game characters, yet. With that in mind, I will have to with mild begrudges have to hand it to Futaba. What can I say? I have no choice but to stan an internationally wanted hacker who is capable of shutting down governments from her phone while being incapable of calling the pizza place down the road without going into a nervous breakdown. Plus, have you seen her? She smol. Diminutive. Gremlin shaped. Perfectly scampable. Plus, I feel she provides a very welcome change of pace with her palace in the story, being the only one where the antagonist is not some overtly hostile villain being quite refreshing for when she comes into the story, with her overall arc being very satisfying to watch play out, both in the grand narrative and in her smaller personal interactions. However, I must admit I'm not overtly fond of how navigators are used in Persona games, with them feeling generally detached from the general gameplay loop of them not being active party members, but as someone who doesn't typically go for JRPG's I am totally willing to recognize this may just be a me thing and that my sensibilities might not quite line up with how these things typically go

2: Surprise motherfucker! Nobody expects Wheatley! Which is a shame, because he's great, but it's understandable. On the one hand, you have GLaDOS, who was scientifically engineered to be fucking hilarious at every possible moment. And then in the other corner you have Chell, a fine self insert to insert your sense of self into, who shoots things when you tell her to. But people often overlook this little metal ball of idiocy, and what he brings to the table. First, he brings a very different kind of humor to the table that I think tends to go a bit underappreciated by the audience, and I'm not just talking about the slapstick and general incompetency, although that is also top notch. Honestly, just his inane ramblings are fucking comedy gold on their own that I could listen to for hours. He's also surprisingly arguably a more effective antagonist than GLaDOS. I went into Portal 2 almost completely blind, and while GLaDOS's insults were funny, they never really like stung or anything. There wasn't any real substance to it, it was just a one-sided hatred from my perspective. But Wheatley? When he did his heel-turn, I was in active shock. It took me several seconds to fully process what the fuck had just occurred. Unlike GLaDOS, there was a genuine bond formed, and breaking that opened so many doors despite slamming my fingers in them. And highlights what he does incredibly well. He brings a certain element of chaos and danger that GLaDOS could never have due to the fact that she has a functional sense of self preservation. With GLaDOS, you know what you're in for. She's gonna try to kill you, but she's gonna do it through elaborate traps and her patent pending Aperture Science Testing Chambers, but never directly, and she sticks to those rules. She is bound to them, and because of that you can plan around them and monkey your way out of it. But Wheatley? Wheatley in charge of Aperture is like a ticking time bomb without the watch. He doesn't even know what the rules are, otherwise he wouldn't mash two testing tracks together like a four-year-old smashing two lego master-builder sets together and almost accidentally killing you in the process.

3: Madeline, from Celeste. She is trans and I can project myself onto that

Not much else to say, really

4: Nope, you're not getting off that easy. The actual thing about Maddy is that, genderisms aside, I don't think I've ever felt quite as seen as I have with her. Celeste, by all accounts, is a very simple game. Both in terms of story and mechanics. The story is you climb a magical mountain in Canada, and the mechanics are run, jump, and climb. But it's how these two interplay to put you in the mindset of her, how anxiety hounds you, how it unnerves and undermines you, getting you stuck doing the same things making the same mistakes over and over again, is where Madeline really strikes a chord with me. And the game really doesn't shy away from how "tricks" and coping techniques can help but they're not a cure-all, they don't always work. Your fears and worries will break through, and you can try to ignore them, or leave them behind entirely, but you really can't. The only way to deal with them is to accept them for what they are, that they're just a part of you but you nonetheless and need to work with them. Her frankly snippy personality is also appreciated, because like, while it's not the nicest thing it's refreshing to see someone who's kinda just really tired of people act on that annoyance even if it's not strictly other people's fault for setting it off. And also her being trans just really brings it in for me

Actual number 4: This may be because I'm a horny shill, or maybe because I would prefer to liken myself as something of a philosopher, but I find myself drawn to 2B and her plights and think that the world of Nier:Automata provides some of the most profound and insightful moments modern gaming can offer. She's something of a stoic hardass, meant to be unfeeling of the world around her but still taking note of the absurdity of it all and sometimes going along with the unexpected asides from the farce she finds herself in. For all intents and purposes, she's just a cog in the machine, just a perfect mindless unthinking AI soldier in a proxy war with machine enemies that has spanned millennia. But as much as she plays the part, she can't help but display an overt world-weary awareness of her role that she's lived and relived time and time again. It may be only displayed subtly most of the time, but those tinges in her interactions quickly bleed out once you get a fuller picture of the story at hand.

5: Ok, as tempted as I was to put a FromSoft character here, even I have to admit that I find their interactable NPC's rather lacking. And while I like a fair amount of them, I would never call them my top of the list favorites. Instead, I'll go with my favorite companion who is trapped in one of my least favorite games, Curie from Fallout 4. I'll try to keep this spoiler free since I think you've been playing it and I don't wanna ruin anything for you, but simply put Curie is a sweetheart. You find her long abandoned in what was one of the most monstrous vaults designed, made purely to violate every medical ethics code in the book, but she spends her days toiling away trying to create medicines instead. After nearly 200 years alone, she's eager to explore the world, and she just has this bright-eyed curiosity about the wasteland that's rather infectious. Where most people see ruins and decay, she sees resilience and life persisting, and that kind of optimism in such a jaded setting hits like a hot shower after a filthy day outside. She's not terribly complicated, but she doesn't need to be

#sometimes i answer these things

2 notes · View notes

rpgchoices · 2 years

Photo

Sometimes I really want to read a short summary of what to expect from a game… and thankfully people can also submit their summaries of games they played and help me (and others) find games that cater to their interests!

submitted by @lairofsentinel

(click here for other videogames)

what to expect from IRON DANGER

Steampunk tactical linear game which uses a unique time mechanic feature, allowing you to undo your actions in time when they go wrong or the final outcome is not satisfying.

This game is not an RPG despite being called as such. It has no XP or loot or items. You do not make choices that influence the story. It is a completely linear experience. Character progression is based on milestones, which allows you to learn and upgrade skills at the end of a chapter or mission.

Soft lore inspired on Finnish folklore and especially on the national epic compilation called Kalevala.

Your main char is a girl called Kipuna.

You find three companions along the story. One of them can always be used during your exploration and combat.

Real time with pause / time control combat features. You can use your environment as part of your strategy too ( by using objects that explode or poison those who stand close to them, for example)

There is no exploration or open world style. Every mission is settled in a level that must be fully completed to finish it.

There is no manual saving and instead the game autosaves between levels. During missions you can rewind to save a dying character, but you cannot rewind all the way to the beginning, so if you play too recklessly you can still lose the mission.

It’s claimed to work only in Win 10 but I played it in win 7 without problems.

It can be played entirely with a two-button mouse with relative ease, though many keyboard shortcuts and functions also exist.

Beautiful design and art, and a really good work in voice acting. All characters are voiced.

The ending is unsatisfying, leaving you with the feeling that the “real game” has just started. It can’t be called a cliffhanger because it’s really too rough. It seems that the developers wanted to keep it truly open (maybe too much) for a second game.

Short game, around 12 hours of gameplay.

——- Plot? ——-

Iron Danger is set in a Finnish folklore-inspired world following the story of Kipuna, a normal village girl whose home is unexpectedly razed by Northlander invaders. During the assault, while trying to escape from the madness, Kipuna ultimately falls to her death. Thanks to divine intervention from a forgotten god, Kipuna finds herself revived with the ability to manipulate space and time. Before she even has much time to mourn the loss of her home or even get a chance to think, Kipuna is soon thrown into a larger conflict that could decide the fate of civilisation.

——- Gameplay? ——-

Typical for a tactical game with pause. The timeline mechanic actually most closely looks like something you would see in a video editing program, but instead of lining up clips/audio/effects, you're lining up your attacks and character positioning. Each movement or action takes up slots on the timeline, each slot called a heartbeat, and learning how to modify the system is effectively how you play the game. Throughout Iron Danger, you are controlling two characters, Kipuna and a different companion depending on where you are in the storyline.

——- Characters? ——-

Kipuna as your main character who works like a mage/soft healer and her three companions: Topi, a dwarven blacksmith who works like a warrior/tank, The Healer, who works as such, and Lemichen, a rogue-like archer.

——- LGBT? ——-

None.

——- Sadness level? ——-

None.

——- Happy ending? Deaths? ——-

Unsatisfying ending due to its abruptness, clearly leaving open the need for a second game.

#iron danger #what to expect #lairofsentinel

4 notes · View notes

iovchlde · 3 years

Note

hi!! may i request some reverse comfort headcanons for diluc, kaeya, childe, and xiao? maybe about relationship insecurity or something of that sort??

relationship flaws and insecurities.

no one is perfect— so what exactly are their flaws in a relationship? and what do they feel most conscious of in a relationship?

featuring diluc, kaeya, childe, xiao

diluc

he feels that he might scare you off with his overprotectiveness. he’s already lost someone before, and he doesn’t think he can handle losing you either.

it’s not that he wants to control your life— in fact, he wants you to live it to its full extent. but there’s always that small worry, an annoying voice, in the back of his head that reminds him that the wilderness of teyvat is dangerous.

subconsciously, he may find himself interrogating you if you plan on leaving the house early in the morning, or late at night. there’ll be times where small quarrels stem from this, and inevitably it can get heated sometimes.

if you walk out on him for more hours than what feels comfortable, to cool off, he might start to think if you’ve left him for good.

diluc’s sitting at the edge of the bed, and there’s a consistent tapping on the floor as he anxiously drums his foot against it. it’s way past his assigned time to sleep, knowing he has to be up early to run his business. he doesn’t have half the mind to check what time it is, at least, not right now. all he can think about is that you’ve been gone for way too long.

he expects this from the two of you, especially after a heated argument. you two take the time away from one another to cool off and collect your thoughts, but this? this is just outrageous. if he were to give an estimate for how long you’d been gone— it would be two hours longer than you’d typically be gone for. and this just feeds into his worries from earlier, about your well-being.

the whole fight was about you and your safety after all. you would tell him that you’re fully capable of looking out for yourself; he’d say that he has enemies who may come after you; it goes back-and-forth. sensing that the argument was getting nowhere, you took it upon yourself to see yourself out first. “let’s just,” you pinch the bridge of your nose. “let’s just take time to cool off for a bit, shall we?”

“it’s been longer than a bit,” he mutters to himself.

he’s snapped out his thoughts as he hears the bedroom doors open slowly. you peek your head in, just to make eye contact with diluc. you two freeze, simply caught off-guard in the moment. he notes how your hair is a mess— it sticks out in certain areas, and obviously has not been brushed down— and you look a bit rugged. “hey,” you mutter sheepishly.

he wonders if he should ask you where you’ve been, but he holds his tongue. “are you okay?” diluc asks instead, and there’s a certain tenderness in his voice as he addresses you. “you look a bit... rough.”

you snort, throwing a feign hand of offense over your chest, at his words. “gee, thanks. nice to know i’m looking very appealing right now.” you joke. he stares at you, but you can see the faint smile on his lips at the way you’re joking around already. it’s good to know that you two are still okay. “but to answer your question, yes. i simply tripped over a pebble— it was so dark out and my foot got caught. who would’ve known that a pebble would be the one to take me down.”

he laughs at this, and you feel the tension from the argument completely lift.

kaeya

he’ll often wonder if you’re slowly becoming untrusting of him. he’s generally reserved, and quite mysterious— and it could easily be read in the wrong way.

kaeya knows that a relationship is all about communication and trust, well, for it to be healthy at least. and for the most part, he’s pretty open with you.

but there’s still certain aspects of his life that keeps in the dark from you. from his unknown past, to the business he does out of the knight of favonius— he likes that you look up to him as a respectable knight.

sometimes, you’ll ask him why he has duties to attend to at the dead of night, to which he reassuringly tells you that he’s simply off to bother diluc at the tavern. but he knows you’re catching on— diluc hasn’t seen him in the tavern for quite a bit.

“i know you haven’t been at the tavern.” you finally speak up, and you keep your eyes trained on the plate of food in front of you. you dig at the food, poking it around with your utensils— anything to keep your mind off of the fact that your heart is slightly racing right now. you don’t mean to be confrontational, but to be frank, you’re fed up that kaeya hasn’t been honest with you. “you can say that it came as a surprise to me when diluc said you hadn’t been there for a while now.”

“i guess it was only a matter of time before you’d ask diluc about me, and my whereabouts.” he sighs. he’s leaned into his chair by now, and he’s looking at you. your lips are locked into a tight line, a little peeved at the way he still talks so smoothly, and treats this so casually. as if he weren’t taking this seriously, and that this was just some other conversation to him. “i’m simply handling nightly duties.”

your grip becomes slightly tighter around your utensils, and he notices; your knuckles are turning slightly white, and your breathing is slightly out of pace. there’s a small change in his expression, and you can see the way his eyes narrow slightly.

“does it hurt to be honest to me about these things?” you ask him, genuinely hurt at the way it feels like he doesn’t trust you enough. “as your significant other, i guess i’d expected you to be more open to me. i’ve already told you countless times that no matter what, i’ll stick around— and even right now, i mean those words.”

once i tell, there’s no going back, is what he wishes to say. that it’ll be hard to look at someone the same way you’ve done before. “look,” he says as he sighs. kaeya wracks his mind for a way to respond— in a way where he wouldn’t be lying, but he wouldn’t subject you to danger either. “these matters, my nightly duties if you will, are matters between the abyss order and i. i’m afraid that if i tell you anything more about what goes on, you’ll become a target as well. too much knowledge can be harmful.”

“and you couldn’t just tell me that from the get-go?” it’s a fair point, and he throws you an apologetic look from across the table. “i understand, okay? just,” you swipe a hand through your hair. “no more secrets. i don’t think i’ll be as understanding if there’s a next time.”

“of course, my love.”

childe

he fears that one day, he’ll come home and you won’t be there anymore; his involvement with the fatui doesn’t make it any better.

the fatui is known for... it’s notorious deeds, to put it lightly. he had warned you beforehand, that dating a fatui harbinger will be exhausting. mentally, that is.

he’s bloodthirsty and thrill-seeking— it’s his nature. but he knows you don’t agree with the brutal ways the fatui handles their business, and he tries his best to take your mind off of it.

but it’s hard to ignore the words that circulate around liyue about certain things that he’s been up to. childe wonders that if you’ll get fed up one day, and just leave him.

there’s always a small amount of anxiety that bubbles up within childe whenever he approaches the doors of your shared bedroom. there’s that slightly irrational fear that he’ll walk in, and the room will be empty; you won’t be beneath the sheets in deep sleep, and your small breaths wouldn’t fill the room. his hand is hovering over the doorknob, and he almost laughs. a man like him, who stares death in its eyes, too afraid to open the door in fear that he’ll see something he doesn’t like.

childe gathers the courage to twist the knob, and the door creaks softly as he pushes it open. he pauses halfway, the fear taking over him for a second, but pushes through. he lets out an audible breath of relief— seeing you alive and well in front of him, and the comforts of just seeing that. his shoulders slack visibly at the confirmation, and he allows himself to enter the room.

he strips himself of clothes that he’s worn outside, changing into ones more fitting for bed. he’d jump straight into your arms if he could— but he knows that even in a sleepy state, you would still scold him.

he stalks towards the bed after doing the necessities. you stir at the way the bed dips beside you, feeling a pair of strong arms wrap around you. “childe?” you mutter. your voice is laced with sleepiness having just awoken, and you’re rubbing at your eyes as you turn to face him. it takes a second for your brain to start functioning, and you blurt out the first word that comes to mind. “hi.”

“hi to you too,” he mirrors, a small smile gracing his lips. your eyes are barely open as you glance at him, and your words are slightly slurred— but despite that, he truly thinks he’s the luckiest man in the world that he has someone as good as you. someone who sticks around, despite his affiliation. “i’ve missed you a lot, y’know.” he says.

“i missed you more,” you challenge, even in your sleep driven state.

he chuckles at you, before pressing a small kiss to your nose. “sure, sure. let’s fight about who misses each other more in the morning, okay?”

xiao

he’ll often doubt why you’re with him— and wonder if there’ll ever be a day where you run out of patience with him.

he’s getting better with affection, and he’s not finding it as weird as he had before. he doesn’t initiate things, still too embarrassed about the last time he failed to hug you. he wants things to be intimate, but there are still times where he flinches if you touch his hand or hug him, after forgetting to give him a heads up.

you always smile at him, and tell him that you care for his comfort the most. he can see the pain behind your smile though— almost a year of dating and he still hasn’t warmed up to you.

xiao still doesn’t fully understand the logic and need behind affection. but what he does know is that humans seek affection. they are social beings after all. knowing that, he worries that you’ll eventually want someone else who can give you the affection that you deserve.

“i’m sorry,” xiao apologizes in a panic. he was so thrown off-guard and so deep in his thought, that when you’d given him a back hug, he had reacted more violently than intended. thus, he had instinctively pushed you off his shoulder. it was hard to miss the flash of hurt in your eyes as you stumbled back, a little baffled, not expecting xiao to react in a such a way. “i... i apologize for that, y/n.”

it’s easy to notice the literal distance between you two and he reaches out for you, to which he stops himself midway. there’s just something that feels so wrong about touching you right now, especially after he’d just shoved you— it doesn’t feel right. even to now, he’s still scared of touching you. he finds himself getting frustrated at the way that he just can’t wrap his head around doing things in a romantic aspect. even he’s running out of patience with himself, so why do you still have so much?

you notice the way his hand stops, and you can see the countless of emotions within his eyes as he stares at his hands. there’s little glimpses of worry, of self-doubt, and you can tell right now that he’s being critical of himself. you don’t blame him for reacting that way, now that you look back on it in hindsight. anyone would’ve reacted like that as a form of self-defense.

“it’s alright, xiao, it really is.” you reassure him. “don’t be too harsh on yourself, okay? i said we’d take it as slow as we have to, and i plan on keeping my word for that. now... may i?” you gesture to his outstretched hand. he gives you a blank look at first, but nods slowly.

you take his hands in yours— you take your time to link your fingers, intertwining them and appreciating the way they mold together perfectly. you let him feel the way you draw soothing circles on the back of his hand. it’s such a simple action, but it flows with intimacy, and it has a weird feeling erupting in his stomach. (butterflies, he recalls you telling him.)

“see this?” you raise your linked hands. “if this is what you’re comfortable with at the moment, then i’m more than willing to hold hands for as long as you want.”

he wonders if you’ll grow impatient with him— but for now, he’s reassured you’ll stick around.

author’s note.

i’ve put this off for so long, and i intended on keeping it short— but then i felt bad and so i decided to indulge just a little

#genshin impact #genshin impact fluff #genshin impact angst #genshin diluc #genshin xiao #genshin kaeya #genshin childe #kaeya x reader #childe x reader #diluc x reader #xiao x reader #genshin impact x reader

2K notes · View notes

supeson · 3 years

Text

medicine

There was a simple routine to Monday mornings that Damian had come to expect. He was to wake up, do his morning bathroom activities, put on his pressed Gotham Prep uniform, eat breakfast, and finally, Pennyworth would take him to school. This was not apart of that routine.

"C'mon Damian, you don't wanna be late, do you?" You ask from the driver's side of your two door 2003 Ford Escort ZX2. The front bumper and grill have been replaced with used parts, not the same bright red as the rest of the car. The back end has chunks of plastic missing from the back bumper, and the back windshield has an old, fraying NYC firefighters sticker. "Hop in! Alfred said he had a morning appointment, so your dad asked me to take you to school!"

"No. I'll walk." Damian starts down the steps, giving an extremely wide berth to your atrocity of a vehicle. You crumple in on yourself, ready to take your car back to the garage, when a shadow casts itself over Damian.

"Get in the car. I specifically asked," Bruce says from the door of the Manor. Damian gives him the side eye, but then pivots to the car. He grouchily climbs into the passenger seat, throwing his bookbag to the floor. He goes to roll down the window, only to see there's no button. He spots the manual handle and groans, aggressively rolling down the window.

"Hey, squirt." You lean over him and look out the window to Bruce. "Bye babe, I'll be back in half an hour! Love you!"

You situate yourself back in your seat and start up the car. You immediately blast the AC, and start up the band you've been obsessed with lately. Damian can feel his soul leave his body as you peel out of the driveway.

"Why do we have the windows down if your air conditioner is fully functional?" Damian asks as you miss a turn into the city. "And where are we going?"

"Well for one, it's a nice day, a little wind won't kill you, and two if I don't keep the AC on max power while the car is running, it won't open this vent that goes to my engine, and it'll start to overheat. Thirdly, I figured I'd stop by a coffee shop, get us some coffee. I know this ride to school is a not-so-secret punishment from Bruce, 'cause you pulled some stupid shit on patrol last night." You pull into the drive-thru of the local Dunkin', pleased that you're only the third car in line.

"Why don't you just purchase a new vehicle? Surely that would solve all of your problems." And prevent this particular punishment from happening again, he thinks.

"I like my shitty little car. Also, I don't have the money for a new car right now. Contrary to popular belief, I don't use any of the Wayne money. Everything I buy is with my own money, and -" You cut yourself off as you roll up to the window. "Good morning! Can I please have a medium frozen hot chocolate and a Boston creme donut?" You turn to Damian and raise an eyebrow.

He purses his lips, then turns away. "...a large coffee, with extra milk and regular sugar."

You smile could blind him. "And a large coffee, extra light, regular sweet. Thank you!"

You roll up to the window and secure your purchase, popping a twenty into the tip jar. Damian gives you a look as you pull out, and you just shrug. "I don't have to pay rent anymore, thanks to Bruce, so I can afford to tip stupid well."

The rest of the ride to Gotham Prep is silent, well, for the most part. Damian is silent. You're in the driver's seat belting out whatever song comes on shuffle. You thankfully tone it down as you get into the carpool lane at GP, just tapping your left foot against the floor. Damian gets out when you make it to the doors, grabbing all of his stuff quickly, but not before thanking you for the ride, his mind forming a new appreciation for you altogether. You wave him off. "See you this afternoon for pickup, son!"

He pales at that, then feels his cheeks heat in anger at the moniker of 'son'. You cackle as you pull away, knowing full well that Alfred is gonna be the one to pick him up, but wanting to ruffle his feathers, as per Bruce's instructions.

#damian wayne #robin #damian wayne x reader #robin x reader #batman #bruce wayne #batman x reader #batman/reader #bruce wayne/reader #bruce wayne x reader #robin/reader #damian wayne/reader #STRICTLY PLATONIC THO

266 notes · View notes

checked-windows · 3 years

Text

IN SERVICE

Aaron Hotchner x trans male reader

Warnings: references to addiction.

Jack had told his dad about his new friend 'Nero' and kept going on about him and his dad who was also 'so cool'. Aaron Hotchner had listened intently nodding when he felt like it was needed.

A few days later Jack was telling him. About how Nero had knocked him over and he'd scraped his knees. Aaron had been worried at the bandage that was wrapped around his sons knee. It had been Nero's dad who had patched him up and scolded the other boy.

Another week past and Aaron was taking Jack to the park for a team day out to enjoy the sun and a rare day off. They were all sat on a blanket watching the kids run about with a ball when a speeding mass of grey collided with Jack and had him pined to the grass. Aaron was on his feet in seconds panic rising in his chest making him feel sick.

"NERO!" a voice called from the side and a man was hauling the mass off of his son by its collar "Do you ever listen? You okay kiddo?"

"I'm fine Mr (l/n) ! Hello Nero!" Jack answered petting the large dog.

"Nero, apologise to Jack" you ordered and the dog licked Aaron's sons face. Jack was giggling and you finally released the dogs collar, smoothing down the fur "Run away again and your going to live on a farm"

Aaron was standing in mild shock when you turned to him with a sheepish smile.

"I'm so sorry about him. He seems to have taken a liken to Jack" the man said rubbing the back of his neck.

"It's OK. I think I got a fright" Aaron responded "Aaron Hotchner, you must be Nero's dad then"

"That's me! (y/n) (l/n)" you answered and Aaron finally took you in fully. What he had originally thought was a strange shirt turned out to skin, littered with tattoos of all sorts, down your arms and across your stomach and chest. A shirt was tucked into the waistband of grey shorts. But it was two faint scars across your chest that drew Aaron's attention. He quickly snapped his eyes back up to meet yours and a small smile.

The dog was sniffing at Aaron's pants and you huffed a laugh.

"Maybe it's just Hotchner's he likes so much" you pointed out. Aaron reached out to let the dog sniff his hand and stroked over his head softly.

"What breed is he?" Aaron found himself asking.

"Tamaskan" you answered "They are bred specifically to look like wolves but honestly he's just a big softy"

Aaron seemed to remember that he was with the team and froze for a second.

"I'm going to get him home. It's hot out and he's gonna need a nap, you should get back to your team. Tell Jessica I say hi"

"Yeah I will do" Aaron said and you beconed the dog to follow, waving to Jack as he led the Nero away. Aaron turned back to the team who were pretty much leering at him at this point. He huffed at them with a glare that had no real heat behind it. Aaron began taking Jack to the park more to even catch a glimpse of you but fate never seemed to be on his side. A large part of him wished he had given you his card or something to contact him on. The agent eventually just excepted that he would most likely never cross paths again.

Emily Prentiss stepped into the tattoo parlour slowly a familiar dog catching her eye as she moved to the front desk. This would be the eighth shop that she had tried, the rest were either booked up or refused to do the work.

"I'm just going to send you straight through. We should be able to sort you out" the receptionist stated shoving things in her bag. Emily followed her gesture into the main part of the shop, the dog nudged her hip and lead her towards the man sitting on a swivel chair. You hair had been dyed an electric blue but when you looked up she knew your face, even only from a brief view. You breifly recognised her.

"How may I be of help?" you asked with a smile, Nero sided up next to you and you buried a hand into thick fur.

"I want to get a tattoo, over a brand" she said and you nodded. This was the 8th time she'd had this conversation and expected you to shut her down.

"Cool. How big of a brand are we talking?" you asked "And depending on the scarring it will most likely have to be greyscale but I can add a pop of colour if you wish"

Emily's eyes widened a bit and her shoulders slumped with relief.

"Are you OK?" you asked going to reach out but changed your mind before making contact.

"I was expecting you to tell me that it wasn't possible. That's what everyone else has said" she said. Nero rested his head on her thigh, she hummed stroking his head.

"I find tattooists in the area are a bit iffy about tattooing over scar tissue. I am too but I'm sure I can work it out for you" you said "How big are we talking roughly? And where is it?"

"I'll just show you" she said shucking off her blazer and unbuttoning her blouse to show the brand on her chest. You winced slightly before scooting closer and tilting your head to get a better look.

"Do you mind if I touch it?" you asked and got a nod in return. You pulled on a black latex glove, and gently touched the brand, poking at the skin "Is this painful at all?"

"No, I can't feel much there anymore. I think the nerves were burned" she answered and you put a bit more pressure on it to see if she flinched away but she sat still and you nodded.

"Oh I'll be able to tattoo over this easily" you said pulling the glove off and throwing it in the trash "What do you think you'd want to cover it with?"

"I was thinking a bird or something" she answered quietly.

"A bird? I can do that gimme like 30 minutes to draw something up for you and you can tell me what you think." you said spinning the chair away from her to grab a notepad and pencil "Also I'll need your full name and some form of ID to photocopy. For our records"

"Are my credentials OK?" she asked and with you nod pulled them out of her pocket.

"Thank you" you said and peeked in the leather holder "Emily Prentiss"

You moved away to copy her details before coming back and handing it to her.

"I strongly recommend going to get something to eat while I'm getting this sorted for you. I wouldn't want to phone Mr Hotchner to say one of his agents has passed out in my studio" you were smiling and Emily followed the order. Going to the cafe around the corner sending a text to the team group chat.

E PRENTISS: I found out where Hotch's eyecandy works.

P GARCEA: ohhhhh! Where!?

A HOTCHNER: Not my eye candy.

E PRENTISS: Lucifers tattoos. He's dyed his hair blue.

D MORGAN: I was thinking about getting a new tattoo.

P GARCEA: very interesting indeed :)

Emily laughed at her phone and realised her 30 minutes were up and headed back to the studio where Nero met her at the door and lead her back to his human who was finishing wrapping the chair. You looked up and laughed.

"Clearly he likes you, Mr chauffeur" you laughed and the dog bounced away to his bed in the corner.

"He's very well trained" she pointed out sitting down when you patted the padded chair.

"Only when he's wearing his vest. When he's not he knows he can misbehave cause he's not working" you said and sat on the swivel chair again holding something that looked an awful lot like a hospital gown out to her. "Nero is a service dog. He helps me with daily tasks like remembering to eat as well as being out in public spaces. He's also very good as noticing the signs of a relapse"

Emily shot you a look while he was flattening the stencil over the brand on her chest trying to keep your hands as gentle as possible.

"How's that for you?" you asked.

"That's perfect, it covers it amazingly" she said and got a grateful smile in return, you spun around and pulled out a fresh pair of black gloves from the box and started the needle.

"You good? Needing anything before we start?" you asked.

"Yeah and no I'm good" she answered. And you started the tattoo, she could see your chest moving when you breathed and moved hair from your forehead with an arm.

"I can hear the cogs turning in your head. Ask the question that's bugging you" you said keeping your head down

"You were an addict?" it left her mouth with far less tact than what she would have wanted.

"Yep. Nothing too hard but enough that I couldn't function as a 'normal' person, I couldn't hold a job this studio saved me" you said and wiped the ink gently "Nero keeps me functioning and safe"

"Well I'm glad your better now" she said and you smiled.

"Cravings come and go but I'll be fine. Oh if you find yourself talking your team don't mention this to them, Nero likes Jack" you said and laughed. The conversation lulled and the sound of the needle filled the room.

"Do you want to take a break?" you asked and got a nod in return "Can I get you a drink?"

"No, no it's OK" she answered. You removed the gloves and throwing them away before stretching out your legs and grabbing a bottle of something green out of a mini fridge. Nero whined loudly and you laughed.

"I'll be back in 5. He needs to pee" you said tapping you thigh so that the dog followed him. Emily noticed the badges pinned to the dogs vest, each clearly outlining the position of service animal and 'do not touch'. You wandered out a door and were away for close to 10 minutes before coming back you looking at the dog with a scowl.

"I cannot believe you did that. Pissing on a car. You're better than that" you huffed before sitting back on your chair and putting a fresh set of gloves on. "Ready?"

"Yeah. I think so" she answered.

"We can stop here and continue another day" you offered leaning back slightly.

"If I don't finish it today, I never will" she responded and you shrugged before putting the needle back to her skin. An hour and a half past before you were putting the needle down and cleaning her skin gently.

"All done" you said "You wanna see it?"

"Please" she breathed and you pulled a hand mirror off the tray next to you holding it so she could see. "It's beautiful thank you"

You smiled and let her keep looking while you tapped a tablet before handed it to her and she looked at the price.

"$200?" she asked eyes widening. You nodded slowly "Surely it's more than that"

"We have a deal on. Half price for cover ups on hateful or hurtful tattoos. I know the brand isn't a tattoo but I'm sure it's definitely hurtful, especially to the wearer" you said before directing her how to pay. Emily tried not to cry as joy filled her heart. She tapped the tip button and typed in $100, paying and handing the tablet back to him. You didn't notice to begin with until you did and smiled softly at her.

"Thank you" you said and put the tablet down "Try not to put a lot of pressure on it and if you need to put a vest on put some tissue over it in order to keep it happy"

She hugged you gently with another 'Thank you' before leaving the studio.

You were suprised when more FBI agents flooded the studio one after another, sometimes weeks apart. You didn't mind in all honesty, they were all lovely people and learning about them was an interesting endeavour , Derek Morgan had a son but loved his job equally, Jennifer Jaraue wasn't too sure of her own sexuality but had two sons to worry about, Penelope Garcia tried to see the good in everyone and everything but had definitely seen too much in her life, David Rossi (hadn't gotten a tattoo) but had spoken to you for a solid two hours about your' life and how you were doing a nice thing for his team and Spencer Reid had come in to get a constellation over scars on the crook of his elbow and told you the story behind them. You had felt something snap in your heart for the doctor once he had told you about Hankel, Spencer had been forced into addiction, you had not, you had chosen it.

More time past before you bumped into Aaron again, and by bumped we meant Nero had threw himself full force at the FBI agent bowling him over. You knew immediately who it was even before the man's shout of indignation reached your ears and raced after the dog screaming his name.

"Nero! I see you pup" Aaron laughed ruffling the dogs fur. You stopped next to them and hauled the dog off panting for air.

"I swear he just loves you and Jack" you huffed and helped the man to his feet. The man laughed and shook his head.

"I wanted to give you this" he said handing a small card over "It's got my number on it"

"Thank you" you said taking the card and smiling at it before shoving in your pocket. You didn't know if calling him was a good idea but it didn't need to happen because you bumped into him first, full on face into his chest.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry" you rushed before even noticing who he was, it was the laugh that made it through the panic "Oh Agent Hotchner. Hello. I'm sorry"

"It's alright" he steadied you with a half smile. "However while I have you in front of me I was wondering if you might want to go on a date with me?" Aaron asked "Dinner or drinks or I don't know something"

"Can Nero come?" you asked raising an eyebrow. Aaron laughed and nodded. Nero sniffed the bottom of Aaron's pants again and their hands brushed slightly.

"Listen, I'm not suggesting that we-" Aaron started but you were moving close to him grabbing the lapels of his jacket and hauling your bodies together, leaning up to press your lips together.

"I've been wanting to do that for a while" you said a blush rising up your neck. Aaron cupped your jaw and pulled you towards him bringing lips back together, tattooed fingers gripping his suit jacket.

"So was that a yes?" Aaron asked breathless. You laughed stepping back to pick up Nero's leash.

"Yeah. It is" you answered your other hand coming up to brush your lips.

#aaron hotchner #criminal minds #bau #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x trans male reader #trans male reader #criminal minds fanfiction

264 notes · View notes

lubdubsworld · 3 years

Text

物の哀れ ( ‘the sadness of things’.)

Characters : Alpha! Jungkook x Omega ! OC.

ABO Dynamics.

Genre : Arranged Marriage / Temporary contractual Marriage.

Warnings : Non- Con/ Extremely Dubious Consent . High functioning alcoholism. Genre related consent issues. Implied suicidal thoughts.

Summary : A recently widowed Jungkook agrees to a contract marriage to keep his company afloat. His grief overwhelms him and it is hard to look at his new wife as anything other than an intruder .

[ Author’s Note : 物の哀れ ~ Mono no aware can be translated as ‘the sadness of things’. It comes from the words 物 (mono – thing) and 哀れ (aware – poignancy or pathos). The ‘sadness’ in question comes from an awareness of the transience of things, as taught by Zen Buddhism. When we view something exceptionally beautiful, we might feel sad because we know it won’t stay so beautiful forever – but appreciation only heightens the pleasure we take in the beautiful thing in that moment. ]

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

I wrapped the white wool shawl tighter around my shoulders. The night was still chilly and the and smelt faintly of impending rain. Why they would plan a party outside while it rained, was beyond me.

After my little skirmish with Jungkook, I had found Namjoon quickly only to be told that we couldn’t leave for another hour at least because there was a certain investor who wanted to meet Namjoon . The guy was running late and he had to wait for him. So here I stood, shivering lightly, all while keeping an eye on my husband as he got progressively drunk.

Namjoon’s words made me sigh a little.

“You can’t decide what someone else’s normal is, Namjoon. Especially when it comes to grief. But the drinking is an issue. And you’re right about the therapist. I know she’s doing her best but I’m not sure if she has the right answers for him. Or even the right tools to help him.”

“I’ve been searching up on therapists who specialize with alphas. There’s one in Itaewon , his name is Kim Taehyung. I really think he could help. He’s an alpha himself.”

“That sounds good. Betas may not fully understand alpha mating bonds or what it’s like when one of them dies. Taehyung may have a better understanding of what Jungkook’s going through.” I nodded, a little hopeful.

Therapy with the beta lady the hospital had recommended wasn’t really helping Jungkook the way it ought to.

Namjoon hesitated.

“Would you be willing to go with him? Taehyung insists a family member stay in the waiting room just in case...” he asked gently. I turned back to look at my husband, leaning on the mahogany countertop of the bar, fingers curled around a glass of whiskey.

“And I’m the one you want to consider for that? That’s ridiculous. Jungkook hates me.” Did I really have remind him of this salient fact?

“I’ve offered to, before. He doesn’t want me there." I sighed as Jungkook threw the drink back with ease.

“That was three months ago though. Things have changed now right?” Namjoon prodded.

I laughed, shaking my head.

“Not between us they haven’t. He’s spending more time with Mina and he isn’t throwing stuff around but he still loathes me.”

“He loathes what you represent: his own shortcomings and failures. Your father wasn’t kind in his approach and you are a reminder of all the things he can’t control.”

How fucking unfair, I thought playing with the tiny ring on my finger ( or should i say handcuff really? ), my wedding ring , the platinum band engraved with my husband’s name, a drop of his blood embossed into the metal.

An archaic tradition, that carried no meaning in modern Seoul but the idea of it was still alive and well. The idea that what we had was a blood bond, imbued in our veins now. An alpha’s connection with a beta or an alpha mate was usually quite fragile. But an alpha and omega mate bond. That was supposed to be powerful.

Unless the alpha was still phantom bonded to a dead wife , that is. It was odd thing. Mate bonds had to be mutual to work. So there was no bond between Jungkook and I . We didn’t have any feelings for each other of course. But wearing someone’s blood on yourself changed that . it forced a bond that wasn’t there. It was ancient magic and it worked on my kind. Not on his.

How fucking unfair because it wasn’t like I could control any of this either?

I grimaced. I had thought of taking the ring off

“Ouch.” I said with a smile. Namjoon waved off my self pity with an eye roll.

“You know what I mean. Even for an Alpha, Jungkook has always held on to his pride. Losing his wife and his company all in the same week probably left him feeling incredibly helpless and your father browbeat him into this whole thing. Of course he isn’t going to be eager to share heart to heart talks with you. ”

I held my hand up.

“I know all that Namjoon. I was there, remember? And I’m not blaming him for any of that. Trauma makes you do shitty things and I understand that . I also understand that if he was in his right mind he wouldn’t behave the way he does now. But that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t change his mind for him. If he doesn’t want to get help, I’m kind of helpless myself, you know?”

Namjoon reached out and squeezed my hand.

“I’m just asking you this because , he does listen to you at times. I’ve noticed it. He doesn’t outwardly agree with you but he takes your opinions into consideration. And, Heejin you live with him and you’re the one who managed to convince him to start scenting Mina. ”

And God, how exhausting that had been. I had kept at it because Mina was so young and she needed her father’s scent to grow. And while i could be persistent when necessary, I couldn’t work miracles.

“Namjoon oppa, “ I said softly, trying to explain myself without sounding like a horrible human, “ I don’t hate Jungkook. Far from it. I want him to get the help he needs and I’m here for him. If you can convince him to go see Taehyung and he’s okay with me coming along, I won’t say no. Mina needs him and there’s nothing I would like more than for him to get better. ” i smiled a little, “ But he’s still going to have to be the one to make that choice. i can’t make it for him.”

Namjoon nodded.

“ Fair enough. Well, I’ll talk to him about it. We’ll set something up. Thank you for not refusing Heejinah. I know it can’t be easy for you either.

I opened my mouth to respond but out of the corner of my eyes I caught a glimpse of someone, staring intently right at me.

I turned sharply, eyes locking with those of Kim Yugyeom and I stiffened, stepping closer to Namjoon on instinct. Yugyeom smirked, winking at me.

I shuddered in disgust.

Creep.

Namjoon followed my line of vision and swore.

“This motherfucker.” He made to move towards him. and I grabbed his arm, fingers digging into his forearm. The last thing i wanted to witness was an alpha alpha showdown in the middle of a party with me in the middle.

“Please, no. Don’t make a scene. It’s what he wants.”

“Jungkook has the shittiest friends on the planet.” Namjoon shook his head and I couldn’t agree more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mina’s appointment with the doctor went about as expected. She was right on time with her milestones and I sat in the waiting office for a mere twenty minutes before being called in. The doctor, an alpha named Min Yoongi gave me a small smile of recognition before flipping through the pages of her file.

“ Jungkook didn’t come along?” He asked casually, grabbing a pen and making a note of her weight and length before plotting it on the small graph. She was a little on the smaller side but she was growing well.

“He’s busy...” i said with a shrug, “ So I still keep giving her the polyvisol supplements?”

Yoongi nodded, “ The nurse will fill in the prescription for you. Are you sure he’s busy? He called me last night and told me he wanted to come see me?”

I blinked.

“He did ? “ I couldn’t quite process this.

“He wanted to talk about how she’s doing and I told him he could come in for her appointment today.”

I imagined a world where Jungkook actually spoke to me, instead of forcing me to navigate stormy waters on rotten plywood. Nine more months, i told myself firmly, already digging for my phone. Nine more months and I would be out of this living hell I’d gotten trapped in.

“Can I try calling him? He’s probably forgotten. I think he might regret missing out.” I begged and Yoongi gave me a small smile, waving me off.

“Of course you can Heejin-ah and tell him that if he wants I can drop by at the office and talk to him as well.”

I nodded quickly , moving out to the waiting area while the nurses held Mina, soothing her before getting her ready for her shots. I tried calling him and not surprisingly he didn’t pick up. I called his office next and Jungkook’s secretary picked up the phone .

The woman hated me.

“He’s busy.” She said curtly.” He’s specifically asked me not to bother him with stuff that isn’t important.”

Her whiny voice grated on my ears and i bit my lips to keep the irritation in.

“Since when does his daughter make that list, Ms Lee?” I said calmly and she hesitated.

“He’s in a meeting right now and-”

“I’m in the hospital with his daughter. I hope you’re willing to take the heat when he finds out that you wouldn’t let me get through to him. “ I said casually.

It was a twisted version of the truth for sure. Meant to imply that Mina was hurt in some way. But I couldn’t bring myself to regret it much. I had enough on my plate without dealing with twenty year old secretaries who fancied themselves in love with their hot boss.

“I... just a moment, Mrs. Jeon.”

I loathed the name. It wasn’t mine. It was hers and I felt like a thief every time someone addressed me that way.

After two minutes, Jungkook’s familiarly low and perpetually exhausted voice came out ,

“Hello? Heejin?” He sounded listless and his voice just a little slurred and i groaned.

“Please tell me you aren’t drunk.” I whispered.

“I’m not. “ He said shortly. “ What’s wrong? What happened? Is Mina alright? ”

“Did you tell Yoongi that you were going to meet him today?”

He was quiet for a second.

“i’ll talk to him.”

He hung up and I stared at the phone. I realized that I shouldn’t have called him in the first place. Should have asked Yoongi to call him himself. What was wrong with me? Even a few syllables exchanged with Jungkook felt like staring into an abyss .

I moved back to the clinic , just as Mina plaintive wail filled the room. The shots were done. It took us another thirty five minutes to finish filling her prescriptions and for Yoongi to finish examining her. She was already dozing off and I wasn’t supposed to feed her for another thirty minutes so perhaps the nap would do her good. I had just finished settling her into her Bjorn carrier when Jungkook’s voice came from the entryway.

“Is this the way to Dr. Min’s office?”

I glanced back to watch him . He looked ridiculously handsome in a three piece suit, jacket thrown over his arm and hair lightly damp from the misty drizzle outside. I saw the secretary’s mouth actually drop open and stay agape as she tried to process his questions. i could see the way his beauty had rendered her entirely witless and as someone who had experienced it first hand , i could sympathize,

But Jungkook was beginning to look annoyed from the lack of response and i decided to give the poor girl a break.

“He’s waiting for you.” I called out and Jungkook startled. He glanced up at me and for some reason he looked surprised. He always looked surprised when he saw me. As if i was just some monster out of his worst nightmares turning up in odd places . As if he couldn’t quite believe that i did exist in his life now. Unwelcome but impossible to avoid.

“You’re here.” He said blankly.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

“Yes, i am. I’ve been here for three months now. “ i said shortly, before i could stop myself, “ Mina’s fine. She just had her shots. I’m going to drive home and put her down for a nap. Do you want me to come with you ?” I pointed at the clinic.

He hesitated before shaking his head.

It was all according to script then. Jungkook would never include me in a single thing. Even if i was smack damn in the middle of the room with nowhere else to go.

“Alright. i’ll see you after work.”

“We’ll have guests for dinner today. ” He said suddenly.

I stared at him, confused.

“For dinner??”

“ Sooah’s parents.”

Oh, God.

Wary of the extra nurses suddenly filling the room, the little whispers and the curious glances, i kept my smile even.

“Of course. ” I bowed a little before turning on my heel and walking away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sooah’s parents were, for lack of a better word, selfish .

They had lost a daughter, so of course i could understand with their need to keep their daughter’s memory alive. But the way they chose to do it was unhealthy and borderline vindictive.

" She’s growing well.” Mrs. Kim had the same statuesque figure as her model daughter and she held her grandchild with a slightly unsure grip and Mina felt the uncertainty in her grip, breaking out into cries at once. I stayed still, my throat dry from disuse. I hadn’t said a word since they came in.

We were seated at the table, dinner was done.

Jungkook sat next to me, staring straight ahead while his father in law tried to engage him in conversation.

With Jungkook, the grief came in waves. Some days, the waves were small and gentle, like the ones that lapped at your feet on the shore of a tranquil lake. on those days e went about his day as usual, spoke to his friends and signed deals. And somedays they were big, behemoths carrying guilt and accusation, crashing over his head with a vengeance.

On those days , he looked like he’d been run over by a two ton truck.

Today was just one of those days and i could sense it.

The man was going on an on about some charity that Sooah had been involved in as a young girl... Could Jungkook make a contribution in her name?. Could Jungkook pay for a concert of her favorite singer in her hometown..? Could Jungkook possibly consider contributing to opening a foundation in her name?

I could feel the urge to scream, grow by the minute.

Each syllable that spilled out of her father’s mouth was aggravating, the sentences began and ended with her name, over and over over again and It felt terribly like she was standing right next to me, ice cold and dead but real and relentless at the same time. He spoke of her like she was still alive and i couldn’t fathom how that was healthy. How that was going to help Jungkook move on.

If anything it made it harder for him to move on.

And in a moment of chilling clarity, i realized that this is what they wanted.

They didn’t want Jungkook to move on from her. They wanted him to be consumed by her. In the wake of that realization , i felt anger surge.

There was just enough hurt and heartbreak and pain and grief in this room without these idiots adding to it.

“Jungkook is tired tonight, uncle.. Perhaps we can discuss this later.” I said finally, unable to bear it any more.

The man gave me a glare.

“I wasn’t talking to you girl.” He said sharply. I frowned.

“We’re trying to help Jungkook. “ The woman said sharply. “ Unlike you and your father we do not prey on the weak. “

Jungkook shifted at the phrase and I glared at her.

“He isn’t weak. “ I snapped, resisting the urge to add on a you bitch , “He’s grieving . And what he needs is space to process his grief. Not you people trying to shove your daughter into his throat with every sentence. “

“Don’t you dare talk about our daughter!” Mrs. Kim snarled and i felt a headache come on.

“I thought that was why you were here? To talk about her? Or should I say use her as an excuse to get money out of him?? What you’re doing is unfair and awful!! . Jungkook isn’t ready to talk about this and one look at his face should tell you that, if you even bothered looking at anything except his wallet.” I shouted.

“Heejin, that’s enough.” Jungkook said hoarsely and i bit my lips.

Of course he wasn’t going to support me even if we were on the same side. Defending him, protecting him was exhausting and it was such a thankless job. i wanted it to end.

“I think we should call this a night. please, just leave” I said sharply, standing up and reaching for Mina. She glared at me but handed the baby over.

“You don’t get to make that decision. My son in law is who I’m here to see. You’re just the parasite that’s attached herself to him. You sit there in my daughter’s place and you dare disrespect me this way. ” The woman snapped.

“Its still my house. “ I gritted out. “ I’m married to Jungkook whether you like it or not and so i have the right to ask you to get out of my house.”

“Heejin, stop.” Jungkook’s voice only made me angrier. He sounded drained and empty and still these leeches wanted to suck him dry. And he was too blind to see it.

“I’m done with this” I stood up moving to the small pack and play that sat in the corner of the living room. i placed Mina in and watcher her eyes flutter shut gently.

i turned back to stare at Mrs. Kim.

“i want the pair of you to leave. Get out before I call security.”

She gaped at me.

“you had a wedding... that doesn’t make it a fucking marriage. “ she sneered. “ Its probably not even legal until you consummate it. So go ahead, call the cops right now. You think i wouldn’t take you to court. ??!! ”

She was spouting absolute nonsense, probably driven by her own grief but i wasn’t feeling particularly charitable tonight.

“Why don’t you ask your son in law that? Ask him if the marriage was consummated or not...” I smirked.

She faltered, eyes wide and disbelieving.

“No. You’re lying ...he wouldn’t.” She turned to Jungkook who looked at me with fury in his eyes.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He said sharply and I scoffed.

“With me? What the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with these idiots that they think they can come here and ask you to sign a fucking cheque when you’re still out here grieving for their daughter?!”

“You don’t know shit about them or her...”

“I don’t have to. I don’t have to and i don’t care to either. All I know is that i married you and you’re my husband and whether you meant those vows or not, i did. I swore in front of my God and my family and I’m going to keep those promises. I’m going to protect you because I love your daughter . I’m going to protect you because you need to fucking live to be able to care for her. “

i turned to stare at his in-laws. They were staring at me, some of the fire dying out and in the span of a few minutes they somehow looked older .

“You don’t deserve to be here.” Mr. Kim said finally, voice cracking and i exhaled.

“And yet, here I am. And I’m not leaving. you are.” I said calmly.

They stared at me for one more second before standing up and moving out of the dining space and into the hallways leading out.

“We’ll call you later Jungkook-ah...” The man said before walking out of the door and slamming it shut behind him.

The silence between us grew heavier as the seconds ticked.

“We can’t decide how people grieve.” Jungkook said softly.

I stared at him in disbelief.

“You’re telling me that , Jungkook? Or did you forget all the times I indulged you when the only way you could grieve was apparently by forcing yourself on me.” i snapped.

His eyes widened , just a fraction before going blank again.

He took a deep breath and went on.

“They lost their daughter and they’re hurting. We can’t tell them they aren’t allowed to honor her memory...They’re clearly in pain...”

“Not more than you!” i snapped. “ You’re the one in pain here Jungkook. Your pain is so much more than theirs ..... Or may be it isn’t i don’t know.. But i do know that I can’t sit here and watch them bleed all over you when you’re cut just as deep as them.”

“You don’t know shit about e!” He roared. “ Don’t you fucking dare talk about my grief like you can understand it...like you actually know what its like to lose the woman who had your fucking heart, because if you did you wouldn’t have agreed to this fucking marriage...you wouldn’t be here in this room with me, intruding on my grief and my pain... “

The sound of his voice made my entire body freeze in fear. I stayed perfectly still, jumping when he crossed the distance between us and grabbed my face, fingers curling around my jaw.

“ You want to know how i wanted to grieve? I wanted to grieve in solitude!!! I wanted to grieve without some fucking stranger hovering over my shoulder like a fucking plague!”

I exhaled shakily, fingers trembling as i reached up to hold his wrist, my entire jaw throbbing with how hard his grip was.

“It’s the price you pay for getting your company back. Jeon Jungkook. “ I choked out.” Or did you forget that marrying me is the reason you aren’t homeless on the streets “

He laughed a little yanking me closer and wrapping an arm around my waist.

“You’ve learned to talk back these days...” He muttered , “ I think I preferred the girl who hid in the nursery for the first three weeks of our wedding.”

“I wasn’t hiding . I was avoiding you. Because your misery was contagious and i didn’t want any of it on me.” I snapped and his hold on my waist tightened.

“Are you trying to make me angry? ” He snapped, fingers curling on my waist and I swallowed the whimper of pain that threatened.

“Maybe i am... Maybe anything is better than watching you walk around this house like a corpse. You’re alive so I don’t see why you act like you died with her.”

He growled at that, eyes blazing as he stepped back enough to stare into my face.

“You’re right... I didn’t die with her. Although i wanted to...Maybe if i wasn’t such a fucking coward, i would have gone through with it. .” He laughed and I felt my heart go ice cold at the very thought of it.

“You didn’t die... So why don’t you get some help. There’s no shame in getting help... Taehyung...”

“I don’t need help. i need to be alone.” He snarled. “ I need to be allowed to cry and mourn my wife the way I want to but you and your father made sure that i couldn’t.”

I sighed, looking away in defeat.

“Fucking look at me!” He snarled, hands grabbing both my arms and yanking me forward. “ Why won’t you look at me huh? is the guilt finally catching up?”

“No. No guilt. Just loathing and resentment.” I snapped back and he laughed again.

“Well too bad. Because you know what? You’re right. I paid for my company with my right to grieve and you...you paid for my name with your right to say no . “

I swallowed as he yanked me away from the table, dragging me to the couch in the side.

“ I never refused you a thing.” I choked out, breathing ragged as he shoved me into the soft leather surface, crawling on top of me at once. “ I only said no when you were drunk out of your mind. When you thought it was okay to fuck me and call me by her name.”

He made swift work of the buttons of my blouse and I stayed still, arms lying by my side.

“ Are you telling me you want this ? You expect me to believe you want my hands on your body?” He sneered, fingers moving up to grip my hair. “You don’t want this and you don’t want me....Just like i don’t want you either. i’ll never want you. ”

“You don’t want me.??.. You have a funny way of showing it..” I scoffed , staring right into his eyes rolling my hips up into his , greeted by the hard press of his length against my thigh. “ And to be honest i don’t give a damn if you’re still in love with her , all I want is my name on your lips if you want to get off with me. Because I’m not just a toy you can use to replace your dead wife. I have a name and you should remember it. "

He growled again, fingers squeezing hard against the back of my head till my scalp felt like it was on fire.

“I hate you. “ He said clearly. “ I hate you and everything you’ve done to me.”

“Everything I’ve done to you? Oh you mean save your life? Taek care of your baby girl like she was my own? Give you the chance to rebuild your entire career.? Turn you into multi millionaire again? Good. Hate me. The feelings mutual. “ I snapped. “Now if you hate me so much why are you still here? Get off me.”

“I’m not going anywhere, wife.” He sneered. “ Because like you said, I’ve paid for this.” He drawled, reaching down and squeezing between my legs. “And I’d be a pretty bad businessman if i don’t collect from my investments.”

Before I could retort, he pulled back, just enough to grab me by the waist and flip me over on my front. I flinched when he grabbed my arms, yanking them back and trapping my wrists together in his fist at the base of my spine. My cheeks pressed into the leather couch, sticky and uncomfortable.

i heard the sound of his zipper, the clink of his belt buckle.

Coward.

I shivered when he pushed my skirt up.

“Don’t enjoy this too much, yeah?” I snapped, “ You hate me remember?”

“Easy enough to forget its you when I don’t have to look at you.” he retorted.

He slipped one arm under my waist, lifting me up just enough for him to yank my panties down.

“Just remember , you don’t get to blame the alcohol for this .” I sneered. “ You’re sober and clear headed and you’re hard for me. “

Somehow that seemed to bother him.

He stopped .

I could feel the hesitation in his limbs.

It made me laugh.

“You know Jungkook, i took you for lot of things but a coward wasn’t one of them.”

“What the fuck does that mean huh? I should put you in your fucking place for how insolent you are with me... ” he pressed down on me and i gasped when I felt his chest pressing into my back, his face inches from my own. I flinched when he sank his teeth into the mating mark on my neck.

“it means that if you’re going to do this, if you’re going to talk big about putting me in my place like the big bad alpha that you are, at least own up to the fact that you’re attracted to me. ”

“ You forget your fucking place, omega.” he hissed, voice sharp and furious against my ear. “ Another word out of that mouth and i won’t be responsible for what i do.” I gritted my teeth when he curled his fingers around the inside of my thigh, parting my legs and settling in between.

He pushed into me in one strong thrust and my eyes flew open in shock.

“Fuck.... why are you so fucking tight...” He groaned and my shoulders began to throb as he fucked into me, setting a punishing speed that left both of us panting . We were too fucking would up for it to last any longer than a few minutes and yet, i could feel pleasure swell inside me, wetness seeping out of me and onto the leather couch beneath us.

I wondered just how fucked up this whole thing was. Just how much damage were we doing to each other?? But it was hard to care too much about it, because even if though it was a terrible way to talk things out at least he had talked. It was nothing new....nothing earth shatteringly enlightening but he had said it all out loud and that made a difference.

“You think you can come into my life and dictate how i fucking live.” He grunted against my ear, fingers tightening on my hair. “ it pisses me off.”

“Everyone dies, Jungkook. People die and they leave loved ones behind but Life goes on. It has to go on. You can’t just pause life to grieve. Mina needs you.” I felt my eyes begin to sting with tears, the adrenaline from the argument fading and my body threatening to go limp as he drove into me at the same punishing pace.

He didn’t respond, fingers closing around my throat and squeezing lightly instead.

“Save your platitudes before i decide that the warmth of your body isn’t worth the grate of your voice on my ear.” He snapped and I whimpered when he stilled, spilling into me.

He stayed pressed up against me. breathing harshly against my ear and i waited till both our breaths evened out.

“It’s not selfish to move on Jungkook. You aren’t insulting your wife’s memory by wanting to move on. “ I said softly. ” Someday your heart and mind will agree with me. Whether you like it or not. That’s just how pain works, Jungkook. One day it’ll pack itself up and walk out of your heart in the middle of the night. You just have to hold on till then.”

He didn’t reply, merely drawing himself up and off me.

Once i heard the door to his bedroom slam shut i dragged myself up , thighs shaking and sticky. I grimaced at the mess on the couch. I stared at the packet of baby wipes on the table nearby and shuddered. That just felt wrong.

I’d just have to go grab a washcloth from the bathroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On that weekend, we had another dinner to attend, this time with a few investors from out of the country or so Namjoon told me.

Although we didn’t talk about what happened and he didn’t try to touch me again, things were subtly different.

Something had changed in the way Jungkook behaved with me. There was a little less of the usual zombie like indifference and he actually seemed to be avoiding alcohol actively. It was a welcome change. But to make up for it, Mina went into a growth spurt. Which meant ten minute naps every hours or so with wailing sobs in between.

i was exhausted.

So much so that Jungkook told me that he didn’t want to pick Mina up from Seokjin’s place till the next day.

It was a little past one in the morning when I finally trudged into the apartment. Jungkook wasn’t black out drunk but he was definitely a little loose limbed, eyes just a shade more glassy than usual.

“Tonight went well. I’m thinking the guy from Macau is definitely going to consider investing.” He muttered, gripping the door frame and taking off his shoes.

I toed my own heels off, feeling upset and bereft.

“Why would you tell Jin oppa that we’ll get Mina in the morning? She’s not used to being away the whole night.” I complained, feeling jittery and nervous because the house felt so empty and strange .

I didn’t like the idea of being alone with Jungkook without the buffer of his daughter between us. The house felt foreign, the walls seemingly closer together , the space to cramped.

Jungkook dropped his keys in the bowl and tugged on his tie, watching me carefully.

“It’s too late and Jin hyung said she was already asleep. He’ll drop her off in the morning. Just relax. Would you like a drink?”

I stared at him.

What now?

He looked nervous and a tad worried.

Swallowing , I shook my head, turning on my heel.

“I’m going to bed.” I was almost at the door to the nursery when he grabbed my arm, seemingly moving faster than I could breathe.

“Wait, Heejin… “ He stopped, worrying his lip between his teeth before sighing, “I… I need to say something..” He finished and I exhaled sharply.

I tugged on my arm but he wouldn’t let go.

“Jungkook , let me go.” I said sharply. “ I’m not in the mood tonight . You aren’t drunk now and I’m running out of reasons to excuse your actions.”

His hold on my arm relaxed but he didn’t let go.

“Namjoon hyung told me about that new therapist.... Kim Taehyung?? . I don’t think it’s a good idea.” He said roughly.

I sighed, defeated. It was expected and yet it stung. I wondered if perhaps I was just beating a dead horse at this point. But Mina deserved to have a father who loved her with all his heart and Jungkook’s heart was so filled with grief it had no place for his daughter. If there was any chance I could help change that, I would take it.

I tugged my arm away again and this time he let go.

I tried to smile encouragingly. it was hard because i was all out of comfort, my own exhaustion too overwhelming at the moment.

So I took a deep breath and reached out to lightly touch his arm.

“Listen, no one’s asking you to make a decision tonight, Jungkook.” I tried to smile a bit more widely but it probably came out as a grimace, “ Just sleep on it and think about why you think it isn’t a good idea. Taehyung’s an alpha and he may understand you better. Think about it and you can let Namjoon know later.”

He didn’t reply, merely staring at me till I began to feel a little hot around the collar.

“Well, Good night then.” I made to turn away but he grabbed me again, this time by my wrist.

“Wait.”

Patience wearing just a little thin, I stared at him, waiting as he requested.

“I’m sorry about what I said that night. At the party last week. About you not being her mother. I shouldn’t have said that.”

It was the first time he had apologized for anything.

It took me a second to even remember what he was talking about.

“Alright. I’m not mad. And I understand why you said it. Its fine. And you’re right. I’m not her mother and I should be more careful. ”

He nodded and then stepped back.

“ I’m sorry. For a lot of things. ” He bowed awkwardly and I could only stare at him, shaking my head. The apologies were somehow both welcome and abhorrent to me.

They were the kind of apology you would offer a stranger. And that made them insincere because I wasn’t a stranger. I’d been through too much these past few months, to be treated that way.

For now I could only accept them at face value.

“ Its alright. Just go to bed Jungkook. And listen to Namjoon oppa . I know you don’t trust me but you should trust him. He only wants what’s best for you. ”

I sounded twenty years older than I actually was and grimaced.

"There’s one more thing. Can I... I need... “ He stopped and stared at the floor.

I felt a huge sense of foreboding rise up at that.

“Are you going to pull the i paid for your body card? “ I said bitterly. “ You made it very clear that i can’t say no. I don’t see why you’re bothering to-”

“You can say no.” He said softly. “ You can say no.”

And then he looked up at with limpid doe eyes, shining with all the stars in the galaxy and I wanted to sob at the unfairness of it all.

“ And if I say no, where will you go? To a brothel? you’ll come back smelling like another beta or omega and you can’t come near your daughter till it fades. Which is what? A week? “

Jungkook didn’t say anything and I felt helpless.

“Is that why you sent her away tonight?” I demanded and he looked genuinely surprised.

“What? No. Of course not . i just...You looked exhausted. I thought you’d like a night off. And just... I don’t want to have sex. Can you just sleep with me. I just... I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“What’s so special about tonight?” i rolled my eyes already moving to his bedroom instead of the nursery.

He stared at me for a few seconds, eyes empty in the dark of the hallway.

I waited a whole minute before sighing. This was excruciating and my heels hurt from wearing heels all evening. i wanted to curl into the air mattress on the floor of the nursery , possibly lie sleepless till dawn and then drive down to pick Mina up from Jin’s place.

“Jungkook , let’s just go to bed and forget-”

“Its her birthday.”

I barely heard him, his lips barely moved and his voice was so low.

I stared at him. Not sure if I’d misheard.

“What?”

“Its her birthday. “ He repeated.

“You can say her name.” i said calmly. “ You’re not betraying her by saying her name out loud in front of me.”

He went a little stiff at that and i wanted to kick myself for the remark. What a hypocrite I was. I’d reprimanded Namjoon for trying to dictate Jungkook’s grief and here I was , doing the exact same thing.

“I’m sorry. God, Jungkook... I’m sorry. i shouldn’t have said that. i didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me.. I... of course you don’t have to be alone. Should i call Namjoon oppa? Or Jimin?” I asked gently.

“It’s Sooah’s birthday.” He was still staring at the floor, apparently he hadn’t heard a word I’d said.

I had a sudden flash of memory, remembering that Jungkook used to sing. He had sung at his wedding seven years ago. Serenaded his wife as she walked down the aisle. I had been young then but i remembered thinking how evident his love was in every syllable sung .

Something i could hear even now, in the way he said her name.

“Okay. What would you like to do? I... I can make seaweed soup.” I said softly. “ We can go see her if you like?”

He stared at me.

“I want to go alone.” He said finally.

I hesitated.

“I’ll drive you. i’ll stay in the car. You can’t drive.” I reminded him.

Jungkook’s driver’s license had been suspended after one too many traffic violations. I drove him around often .

He didn’t reply, staring out of the huge bay windows and i sighed.

“Alright... Why don’t you go change into something more comfortable yeah? i’ll get the soup going and we, “ i bit my lips, “ , I’m sorry, And you can go see her. “ I smiled, before moving to the kitchen and grabbing the dried seaweed. I soaked it in cold water, before getting the beef, garlic, soy sauce, salt and pepper and the sesame oil from the cupboards.

Ten minutes later, the soup was boiling away and I peered out at the door leading to his bedroom. I was still wearing the cocktail gown and my head was beginning to throb. I oved to the nursery and stripped quickly, slipping on my white t shirt and a pair of pink corduroy shorts.

I would be in the car anyway. By the time i finished taking off all my make up, the soup was done and Jungkook was slumped over the counter. He looked drained, more so than usual . In fact he looked notably worse than how he was ten minutes ago.

Torn between the urge to draw him into my arms and the helpless knowledge that he would absolutely hate me touching him , i merely hovered near the stove, pouring the stove into a small airtight container.

On a whim I moved to the cupboard in the corner that housed all the crockery and threw it open.

“What was her favorite bowl?” I said casually, staring at him.

He blinked, staring at me like i was speaking a foreign tongue.

“Her favorite bowl , Jungkook The one she always drank or ate from?”

He swallowed but leaned his palms down on the granite countertop, levering himself off the tall stool of the kitchen island and making his way over to me. I stepped back, giving him space to peer into the depths of the black marble shelves.

He finally stuck a hand in and drew out a pale yellow and mauve bowl , a little worn but intact.

He held it carefully, running his fingers gently over the bowl, savoring the surface his wife had once caressed with her own fingers. I watched as his lips curved, a pale pale imitation of a smile but a smile nonetheless and I felt my breath catch in my throat.

This was probably the first time he’d smiled in the three months i’d known him.

My heart began to pound, a steady staccato that began rising in volume and i willed myself to stay calm.

“I..uh.. I can wash it for you.” I said softly .

The smile disappeared as quickly as it had come and he stared at my outstretched hand like it was a snake .

Face almost eerily blank he cleared his throat.

“I’ll do it.”

i watched as he moved to wash the bowl under the spray from the faucet and finished clearing up the kitchen. i grabbed a small bag to keep the sea wood soup in and held the bag open when Jungkook finished washing the bowls. He grabbed a fresh kitchen towel and carefully wiped down the moisture before wrapping the bowl in the towel and keeping it inside the bag, carefully.

I smiled and zipped the bag shut.

“Lets go shall we?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I sat waiting in the car, staring out into the darkness of the parking lot, while the rain poured torrents outside the glass windows of the car. I felt unaccountably alone, like I was the only human being left on the planet.

It had been a little past an hour since Jungkook had disappeared into the building that held his wife’s ashes. I wasn’t sure if i should give him a call. Had he fallen asleep in there.

I told myself I would wait another hour and if he didn’t come out, I would go check on him.

I dozed lightly against the window, exhaustion beginning to creep in. I wanted to sob at how tired i was. I could have gotten a full nights sleep, something i hadn’t had since the day I took Mina into my arms.

But then, i remembered the tiny smile that had sprung up on his face and i grinned despite myself. That was progress wasn’t it? It definitely was. I was sure that if only Jungkook could be convinced to go meet Taehyung , the alpha therapist, things could get so much better for him. I wanted to have him at least halfway to being ..... capable of handling his own daughter, before i left him. if not the worry alone would eat me alive.

I was just getting ready to perhaps climb over the console and nap in the backseat when my phone rang.

I glanced at the dashboard, frowning. it was two thirty in the morning.

Who?

I grabbed my phone from the bag and my heart leapt to my throat.

“Jin? What’s wrong? What happened to her?” I could feel my heart threatening to give out, any number of terrible possibilities running through my head in a vicious loop.

“nothing happened, Heejin , take a deep breath... She’s just running a fever. it was quite low earlier but its hitting 101 now and I’m getting a little worried. I’ve given her cold baths and kept a wet towel on her but it doesn’t seem to be coming down.”

“We’ll be there in ten minutes! “ i said quickly.

“I’m sorry, Heejinah, i don’t have any experience with babies and-”

“it’s alright...thank you for calling me oppa!” i hung up , already fumbling with the door and stepping out into the rain. i was soaked through in three second flat. What a day to wear a white t shirt.

I ran quickly, stumbling a little on the gravel pathway and hoping to God i was going the right way. I ran into the foyer, the poor security guard falling asleep over his desk glancing up at me in sympathy.

“there was a man here earlier?”

“Second floor third room.” He said casually.

I nodded, already rushing for the steps. I climbed the four flights of stair in two minutes, my heart threatening to give out. I found Jungkook in the room , kneeling on the floor and he looked at me in shock that swiftly turned to anger.

“Jungkook-” i gasped because the run up had robbed me of my breath.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He moved so quickly I could barely blink before he was right up in front of me.

“Jungkook, I... We need...” I tried to draw a breath in but before I could form the words he grabbed my arm, so hard that I whimpered in pain.

“I told you i wanted to be alone, what the fuck is your fucking problem?!” He snarled.

“Jungkook-” Before i could finish, he yanked me just a bit closer to him before shoving me out of the room with his wife’s portraits and the small ornate vase that held her ashes.

it wasn’t that hard.

He didn’t push me in a very brutal way.

In fact it was probably with lesser force than what anyone slamming a door would use.

But,

Jungkook was six feet two. He weighed a 170 pounds.

I was a hundred pounds wet and barely came up to his shoulders.

And it was just my luck that the wall opposite to the door had a large concrete and granite horse figurine placed right in front of it.

I crashed into the torso of the equine, my bones rattling inside me and I whimpered when my wrist made contact with the hard surface, bending a bit out of place.

I slid to the floor in a wet lump, trying to catch my breath and process what had just happened.

Jungkook stood frozen by the door horrified as he stared at his hands, as thought he couldn’t quite fathom what he had just done.

A sharp burning pain began in my sides and I gasped out.

“Oh, fuck.” I swore.

Jungkook moved to help me up but i was already crawling away from him, scrambling to my feet, ignoring the ache in my side.

“I’m sorry.” I said softly, holding both my hands up. “ It’s Mina...she’s running a fever. We need to go get her.”

“Heejin-ah, I’m...”

One more apology and i would officially lose it, i thought slightly hysterically.

“its my fault.” I said sharply, “ I should have probably tried calling you from the car instead of barging in like this but Jin called and i got worried...I wasn’t thinking straight so I’m sorry about that... I think we should go get her as soon as we can.”

“Did i hurt you?” He demanded , reaching out for me again and I nearly fell again trying to move away from his touch.

“No.. No I’m fine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you sure, we don’t have to go the doctor.? “ He asked nervously, watching me carefully wipe down her body with the slightly damp wet cloth. I nodded, carefully squeezing the water out before dipping the towel in water again.

“She’ll be fine. Her fever’s come down and with babies this young, its safer to care for them at home than to take them to a hospital.” I said casually,

“I wasn’t talking about her.” He said stiltedly.

I blinked, staring up at him in surprise.

“What?”

“I think we should go to the doctor. You fell hard. ”

“Jungkook what are you even on about?” I said crossly, steadfastly ignoring the pain in my sides. It was sharp and unbearable with every breath I took in but I was too terrified to go to the hospital and have them tell me I’d cracked my rib or something.

Partly because that would be so inconvenient.

Partly because Jungkook would probably go back to being a guilt ridden shadow of himself if that happened.

“I’m going to call Yoongi hyung.”

Before I could protests some more he was already on his feet, moving to the living room.

Yoongi arrived thirty minutes later , annoyed and sleepy, dressed in a soft white t shirt and stone wash jeans.

“It’s four thirty in the morning , she better be dying Jungkook..” He rasped out near the front door and i flinched at the murderous tone to his voice.

Suddenly , i hoped desperately that my ribs had cracked.

Yoongi stepped in , staring at me . He took in the mess of quilts i sat on and sighed.

“Come here and take your shirt off.” He said gruffly.

I blinked, feeling blood rush to my face. Was he always this handsome? Hating the very unwelcome flutter of nerves, I moved to stand in front of him, grabbing the hem of my t shirt .

But the movement jolted my rib and pain sharp and lancing shot through my side. I yelped and dropped my hand again breathing harshly which only seemed to make things worse.

I swallowed and Yoongi blinked, reaching out to gently grip my elbows.

“Hey...relax ... “ He said gently.

I felt the press of a warm chest at my back.

“Let me help hyung.” Jungkook’s voice rumbled through my body, his chin brushing the top of my head and he bent over me from the back, fingers gripping the hem of my shirt and carefully lifting it up to just above the curve of my breasts.

Yoongi was staring at Jungkook over my shoulders expression unreadable.

“So you do know how to act after all.” He commented drily and I heard Jungkook inhale sharply behind me.

“Hyung...” He said sharply, and Yoongi merely rolled his eyes.

“How did this happen?” He ran slender fingers all over my skin, feeling each dent and dip carefully.

“I ..uh.. I sort of fell into a statue? It was made of concrete and quite heavy.”

His face shifted into a frown.

“Jungkook , tell me you didn’t push her.” He said sharply and I jumped a bit.

“No...he didn’t.” i said sharply and Yoongi ignored me , staring right at the alpha behind me.

“I didn’t mean to.” He said finally.

“You broke her rib, kid.”

I groaned in defeat. Behind me Jungkook stiffened.

“It was an accident.” I said sharply and Yoongi gave me an unimpressed look.

“If i had a won for every wife that told me that.”

“It was my fault and-” I shut my mouth. I did sound like the poster child for abused wife in denial.

“Relax... I’m not going to send your handsome husband to prison.” He chuckled. “ This time.” He added, giving Jungkook another glare.

“It won’t happen again. ever. “ Jungkook’s voice shook a little.

I sighed, already imagining the self flagellation that was probably going on inside the alpha’s head.

Yoongi’s voice drew me out of my head.

“Its not a break. It looks like a crack which is easier to heal. But i still want you to come in tomorrow. We’ll get it x rayed. Its going to take a couple of months to heal.”

I gaped.

“Months?”

“As long as you take it easy you’ll be fine. Now where’s the little one?”

Yoongi dropped off a small bottle of pediatric paracetamol and told me to keep an eye on her temperature before bidding us goodbye.

Once the door closed behind him, Jungkook turned to me , eyes wide and lips parted.

“If you apologize , I’m going to throw this at your face.” i said calmly, fingers closing over the neck of the ceramic vase on the table.

Jungkook blinked.

“I’m sorry. “ He said nonetheless and I sighed, pulling my hands away.

How fitting. Neither of us could act out of character.

Jungkook couldn’t stop blaming himself for everything under the sun.

I just couldn’t bring myself to hurt him in any way.

“Just go to bed , Jungkook. I’ll be fine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : As always the pain is here and probably going to get worse. But Jungkook seems to be turning mildly human so let’s see if he can keep that up. Also handsome pediatric doctor Yoongi as second lead because i like to torture myself.

If you want to be on the taglist please leave a comment!!

@girlinthemikrokosmos @xius-exos @sugainfireslex @yunkichiee

@kpopstudybee @ephyraaaa @peachoney9795 @ggukkieland

@veronawrites @blr1004 @tinyhoagiepartylover @btsis7okay

@squishyjk @itsdingdong @emmmui @honeeybunneey @yeonkiminnie

#bts smut #bts smut fic #bts fanfic #bts fics #jungkook fics #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook #jungkook alpha #alpha jungkook #jungkook abo #bts abo fic #bts abo au

607 notes · View notes