#but maeve of all people NEEDS to be looked at with a critical eye

[blindmagdalena]

I do feel like it's important to also acknowledge that she's deeply traumatised and broken, but Maeve's also very much a shitty person for most of the show too. Starlight even calls her out more than once on how callous and selfish she is, like how Maeve's response to seeing a young woman crying in the bathroom after being sexually assaulted by someone she looked up to was to tell her to suck it up or she'll look weak. I know she's hardly the poster child for healthy coping mechanisms, but she's definitely no saint.

why does she need to be a saint? who ever said she is?

nothing in the show ever tries to tell us that Maeve is a good person. just a damaged one. most of her arc is the discussion of how she used to be a good person, and how she does want to be again.

to me, the callous and jaded version of her we see in s1 is incredible character work. it makes for SUCH an interesting moment when we see that contrasted against her begging Homelander to save flight 37. even two, just these two, please. of course, her begging falls on deaf ears because Homelander is more cruel and dispassionate about human life than Maeve will ever be, and ultimately she gives in and leaves with him, but i feel like that entire sequence SO succinctly sums up why Maeve is the way she is, and what their dynamic is.

“suck it up or you’ll look weak” was a caring moment for Maeve. that was the moment we knew she saw herself in Starlight. she didn’t mock her. she said ‘if you’re going to survive this, you’re going to have to be stronger.’

was it a kind response? a compassionate response? of course not. but at this point the show was illustrating to Starlight exactly what kind of world she has entered. everyone was awful, greedy, perverse, cruel, dog eat dog from the ground up. they’ve been exploited, and now they exploit in turn. a cycle of abuse.

Maeve said it herself: she gave away pieces of herself until there was nothing left to give. when they met, she had nothing left.

and yet. Starlight changed that. Annie reminded her of what it felt like to care about more than her own survival, which for a long time was the only thing she could afford to care about. i know we love Homelander around here, but i think we’ve lost the sense of how truly horrific living under his thumb must have been for her. how it eroded her capacity to care when again and again and again, in exactly the way we see it happen to Annie, she failed to prevent his cruelty.

Maeve serves exactly the narrative purpose she’s intended to: she shows who Starlight could become, and ultimately helps prevent it.

i don’t want saints. i want compelling, nuanced characters. Maeve IS that.

#how come i can discuss homelander’s trauma until i’m blue in the face and it’s great #but maeve of all people NEEDS to be looked at with a critical eye #literally no one on this show is a saint #i do apologize if this comes across curtly i don’t intend it to #but truly the disparity between how male characters are discussed vs female characters is bewildering #the boys meta #queen maeve #darling anon #ask and you shall receive

[grigori77]

Critical Role, Campaign 3 Episode 66

Stray Gods? Ooooh ... yeah, that does look pretty cool. And yeah, shout-out indeed to our own girls on board! And ... oh boy, here we go ... Sam's singing ... great ... and it's bloody awful as always ... that's it, Sam, make my ears bleed ...

Yes, last Candela Obscura ep coming SOON ... but I heard it's only the FIRST story, apparently there are more on the way?

Oh sweet, Daggerheart? Cool. Can't wait ...

And so we begin. Again. And I'm like STUPID excited about this one ...

Yay! Zephrah! Sweet! I've missed this place ...

And yes, Orym is home ... I'm so happy for our boy ... super nostalgia for him ...

Wow, that's a SHIT roll for Chetney's sense of smell, Travis ...

Strength Save? Already? Gah ... roll good, guys ...

It fucken wimdy ... and now we're losing THREE OF OUR PEOPLE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

Oh, so it's just a welcoming committee? Sort of?

Yes! Hello Orym, yes, he's a welcome defuser of tension, definitely.

Maeve? Half-elf? Wait ... HIS SISTER?!!! Really? Awesome! Awwwww ... hello, cutie! :3

Take forms? Oh, so she's a druid? Cool! I mean yeah, of course she is, but still ... COOL!!!

There's a Nexus close? Crap ...

Whoa ... Maeve was AT THE BATTLE!!! Okay then ... and now it's all fucken CRAZY ... yeah, it would be ...

No communication with Whitestone? Crap ... but not unexpected ... and folk got scattered? Again, not a surprise ...

YOUR mom ... oh, so she was WILL's sister ... yeah, I get it. But slso awwww ...

No, I'm ahead of you, FCG. They're IN-LAWS.

Yeah, he was in love, very much ... and my heart's breaking all over again just remembering ...

Matt once again reminding us that Zephrah is one of the most beautiful places in all of Exandria ...

Maeve (regarding Laudna): "Is that her? She looks cooler than I thought." Awwwww ... :3

More reunions ... yeah ... awkward ... but yeah, hello Leeta ...

Red dragon? Thordak, yeah ... cool ... Nice trip down Campaign 1 memory lane ...

KEYLETH!!! Yay!

FCG tries to bow and just faceplants cuz he ain't got knees ...

Ouch ... that's gotta hurt ... that looks NASTY ...

Oh yeah! THE Staff! Nice!

Yup, just as we thought, it's that nasty shit poison again ... a remedy? Blue Perennium flower? Oh boy ... no, not LIKE THAT!!! Matt is irritated by the smutty jokes that now ensue and I don't blame him ... oh, how many PCs is he gonna kill for this? XD

So this COULD heal her? Oh yes ... so ... quest time again, maybe?

It grows in places marked by strife? Hmmmm ...

So there are THREE others hurt like her? Two dozen more dead? Ouch ...

The last thing SHE saw ... yeah, OF COURSE it was Vax ... this is gonna be hurting her WAY worse than her wounds ...

The white light? Hmmm ... so what, Illianna might have sent them all away to SAVE THEM? Interesting ...

Ah yes ... so here we go ... revealing Imogen's connection indeed ... Keyleth: "But you're here to help?" Oh yes ...

So the Ruby Vanguard are OPENLY recruiting now? That can't be good ...

Orym: "I've been struggling with the blood in my eye for weeks now. I've never been so fucking angry!" Oof ...

Keyleth: "Sometimes it's just what you need, so don't let go of that anger. Learn how to use it."

Orym: "I promise you I'll give you every last breath to make this right."

Keyleth: "Together we'll rain the fury of every power in Exandria down on these ... shitheads."

Get hold of the toxin, reverse engineer an antidote? Smart, Chetney, smart.

Yeah, Keyleth never really had that much to do with the gods, generally.

"The Ascension and the Sealing". Oh yeah ... so cool ...

Letting the Voice of the Tempest rest, then ...

Laudna: "We dropped the airship." Leeta: "That was you? That was GREAT!!!" Yeah ... :3

Ah yes, finding out what happened after they all got shunted away at last ...

27 ... Whispers! Yay! What's Leeta hiding, Fearne?

Wait, MOLES? Really? Like another Bor'Dor situation? Hmmmm ...

Thollo? Okay ...

The Scattered War of Gwessar? Intriguing ... so the Grey Valley is ... a creepy, fucked up place ... sounds about right. And apparently this is the SAFEST place for them go look for the flower? Ye gods ...

Liam: "We all know what you WANT to hear, Travis Willingham." XD

The Hishari helmet? Intriguing ... oh, here we go, then ... so Ashton COULD finally get some answers after this? Cool ...

So, going to meet Orym's mum ... sweet ...

Home sweet home! Cottagecore? Cute! :3

Awwwwwwwww ... she's the sweetest mum ever, hi Alma! Oh yeah, she DOES know Fearne already. And she's definitely fascinated by FCG ...

Oh yeah, Laudna does love her some biscuits ...

Oh, intriguing, the possibility that Chetney might hit on Alma ... XD

Such a lovely cosy place, I love it ...

Muffins? Really? Cool ...

No stealing stuff, Fearne. "I would never steal from a mother." Okay then ...

Yum! Freshly baked goodies! Yay!

Alma: "I worry about you, Orym. You carry a lot of weight on your face."

Whoa ... the Ashari have means to delay births to prevent babies from becoming Ruidusborn? Intriguing ...

Alma:"Just don't be a hero if you don't have to." Orym: "I just do what I have to, mom."

So Orym was a truly TINY baby? I mean OF COURSE he would have been ... awwww, the cavalcade of baby memento-based embarrassment for Orym, I love it ... XD

Recipes to go for FCG? Adorable ...

Chetney's carved a little wooden Orym for her? That's so cute ... is this Chet flirting? Wait ... Orym ACTUALLY HAD C-POP toys when he was little? Oh my gods ...

Orym: "Did you invent Optimus Prime?" Chetney: "I killed him, too." LOL

FCG trying to work out if Orym looks a little like Chetney ... 4 perception roll? Yeah ...

To Torth's shop for fresh armour, now ...

Sage and herbs in the metal AS IT'S BEING TEMPERED?!!! Intriguing ...

Old Fanny Z? Hmmmm ...

Oh, this place looks FASCINATING ... oh, and Fanny is too ... wow ... oh yeah, she is just FABULOUS, definitely ... XD

Fanny: "Anti-hero chic?" Oh yes ... that's perfect Ashton, definitely ...

Marisha: "Whitestone's for lovers, Zephrah's for fuckers." LOL

Meanwhile Laudna's flying Pate on a string like a kite. Pate: "Hey, there's a big hawk up here, circling! I think he wants to be friends!" O.O

Big-ass backpack? Okay ... so they need to fill THIS with the flowers ...

Oh boy ... a shit ton of healing potions ... NEVER a good sign of things to come ...

Whoa ... so Orym's fighting style is like THE regimental style of Zephrah? That's so cool ...

Maeve can do the tree portal thing too? That's so cool!

Matt: "And we're gonna go to break!"

Oh, so they're actually Blue Perennum flowers? Ah ... so basically Matt dug his own grave there ...

Liam: "I'm just glad we don't have to find some Taintweed." Snort ...

Always nice to get to see a pair of Jesters drawing little cartoon dicks in the air ... XD

Back to the game ... and the Grey Valley ... hmmmmm ...

The smell of ash and BURNED FAT?!!! That's not, like, foreboding at all ...

The whole place is COMPLETELY monochrome ... fascinating ... in a really creepy way ...

Perception check for blue flowers ... 30? Fucking hell Orym ... no joy, though. Not here ...

FCG doing a Divination spell on the inside of Orym's shield to find the way from the Changebringer ... oh ... is it working? Intriguing ... cool, another genuine divine visitation ... ooooooh ... and a marker? Cool ... go west, young man!

Chetney trying to get a read on the burned fat smell ... what ... a Religion check? Hmmmm ... oh, it's a smell of demons? Oh shit ... not great ...

Hello again, Pate ... he turns invisible and goes looking for possible demons and blue flowers ...

Single file, to hide their numbers ... and Pass Without A Trace? Okay ... sneaky sneaky ...

Lightning split trees? Yeesh ...

Bits of tarnished metal? Hmmmm ... that's suspicious ... not fresh, at least, but ...

So it's a helmet ... with a skull still in it? Not good ...

Nothing inherently fancy about any of it ...

Pate sees fuck all ... with a Nat 1 ... oof ...

FCG casts Death Ward on Orym in order to make sure they can get him back to his mum ...

Something's flying in ... TWO somethings, in fact ... bug and black ... black SMOKE?!!! Oh hell ... they don't spot thd party, but ... creepy ...

Chetney climbing a big rock to get a look round ...

Smells like a volcano? Lovely ... that's not a good sign ... and part of the forest is smoking ... great ...

Everybody's doing Pate impressions while Matt looks stuff up ... it's adorable. XD

Oh, the TREES are smoking? Hmmmm ...

FCG casts Owl's Wisdom on Fearne? Intriguing ...

Orange glow under the tree bark? Hmmmm ... FCG casts Detect Thoughts ... nothing in particular ...

Some kind of potential damage site? Hmmmm ...

An ash MARSH?!!! Seriously? Urgh ... hard going now ... no surprise there ...

Back onto solid ground without incident ... phew ... or not ... some kind of ancient battlefield now ... lovely ...

Something got badly charred here ... and there's some kind of dark crater? Hmmm ... AND there are flowers ... okay ... is it a trap?

Bollocks ... turns out Pate is colourblind ... THAT'S not exactly useful for finding the flowers ...

Pate land on the bush ... and falls into it. "They're thorny!"

Chetney goes in to try and see what's what ... and starts doing an English accent when he finds himself interacting with Pate.

So THESE are the flowers ... BINGO!!! Chetney starts cutting blooms, also casts Hunter's Bane just in case ... and he gets a little prickle of SOMETHING ... hmmmm ...

Oh fuck ... some of the bodies start moving ... great, it's undead time ... and there's something else there too ...

Okay, this thing definitely SOUNDS like a demon ...

Chetney pretends he doesn't actually see this thing znd starts to nonchalantly walk away ... yeah, this thing ain't convinced at all ...

Oh yeah ... "Roll initiative." HERE WE GO!!!

Battlemap time! Wow, that shit is BLEAK!!!

Top of the round, then ...

Here come the undead! Aaaaaaaah! Chetney's under attack ... crap, and he is now GRAPPLED ... oh shit, they're Ashari! It's some of the missing warriors!

Chetney: "Nuke us!" FCG: "I'm a healer! I don't Nuke!" Chetney: "Bring the falling fire!"

FCG casts Compulsion and they both FAIL!!! Now they're dragging Chetney through the nasty ashen mud ...

Imogen's up ... Laura has a very dubious plan ... Watery Sphere? Interesting ... she tries it on the demon ... a strength save? 17 plus more ... nuts ... then she uses her Telekinetic Shove to try snd free Chetney ... nope, it's like FREAKISHLY strong ...

The demon just SINKS INTO THE GROUND ... andnow it's FUCKING CLOSE to them all ... CRAAAAAAAP!!! A Soul Rend Vortex? WHAT THE FUCK?!!!

38 points of Necrotic damage to Orym and FCG, 19 to Fearne ... ouch!

Ashton RAGES!!! YEAH!!! Yeah, he's making some crazy gravitational wave as he charges the thing ... Density Well? So cool ... BOOM!!! 18 points of bludgeoning damage AND it's knocked prone ... AND some fire damage? 8 points! Nice .. but it's fiendish, so not yhat much of zn effect ... another attack ... another 19 points of damage because it's BIGGER than he is? Awesome ...

Orym performs a Disarming Attack to free Chetney ... yes! Success! AND 11 damage on the undead! Second hit ... only 8 points more? Not so good ...

Oh man ... Orym KNEW this guy? Crap ...

Chetney wolfs out ... he charges and while taking damage from the undead (8 Necrotic) as he moves away, inflicts LESS damage on the demon within ice attack than he'd like ... hmmm ... how CAN they kill this thing?

Fearne speaks Infernal? Of course she does ... "Stop it!" And here comes Mister ...

Laudna casts Mirror Image on herself, then ... oh man, that is HORRIFYING ... oh! Hey! It's the wolf! Laura is DEEPLY impressed! Matt: "That's your girlfriend!"

Here we go ... the wolf attacks the demon ... 14 piercing damage! Nice!

Oh crap ... now there are creepy shadow wraiths coming out of the marsh... great ...

A TOTAL MISS on Imogen! Phew ... now Ashton ... Erratic Defence? What is THAT?!!! Cuts it down to 11 points of Necrotic damage, but Fearne's fancy aura softens it ... now he's just chucking one of the wraiths around ...

An attack on FCG ... but Silvery Barbs from Laudna AND Fearne's spell saves the day AGAIN!!!

Undead longbow attack? Really? Both miss, though ... but the other one hits Orym with its sword ... crap!

Orym strikes back HARD!!! 15 points of damage! Nice ...

Spiritual Weapon from FCG ... a chainsaw? Really? Crazy ... attack on the undead! 7 points of radiant damage? Hmmm ... not THAT impressive ...

Imogen tries to get the Watery Sphere to actually DO SOMETHING this time ... okay, that's more like it ... ooh ... 4th Level Lightning Bolt AND it's Quickened by Ashton? Wow ... double hit INCLUDING the demon ... okay ... NINE D6 OF DAMAGE?!!! Fucking hell ... 24 points ... wow ...

Demon boy VANISHES again and reappears in front of Fearne? NO!!! Shit ... 10 slashing damage PLUS 13 Necrotic? Oof ... second attack CRITS ... 13 slashing and 21 Necrotic? AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! Damn, that hurts ...

Soul Rend? Crap ... EVERYBODY but FCG has to save ... oh man, this is all round SO BAD ... pain all round, but SOMEHOW Fearne still maintains her concentration ...

Ashton hits HARD on one of the wraiths ... POW!!!

Orym jumps over Mister and charges in to pull Bait and Switch on Fearne, then attacks the demon! POW!!! 18 points of damage all round! Oh shit ... another Ashari inside the demon? Not good ...

Chetney tries to just JUMP attack the demon ... in the end just GRAPPLES it ... okay ... second attack then ... still not that heavy with the ice damage ... hmmm ...

Fearne casts Daylight right on its chest ... oh shit! Oh, and that HURTS IT BAD!!! Nice! AND it repels EVERYTHING!!! Okay, then!

Mister chucks some flaming shit! XD 7 points of damage ... meh ...

FORM OF DREAD!!! YES!!! Always awesome ... Laudna sends Pate into the Watery Sphere and then twins a Shocking Grasp through him ... NAT 20!!! Oh shit! Pate: "Special delivery!" She electrocutes the guy ... and gets the HDYWTDT!!! Nice ... oh shit ... TWO kills? Way to go, dead girl!

Now the wolf attacks the demon again ... 11 damage! Sweet!

Undead attack on Fearne! Crap ... Laudna casts Silvery Barbs, but it still hits ... 12 slashing damage! Double crap ... and she's unconscious! NO!!!

FCG casts Mass Cure Wounds! Phew! 16 points all round! Nice! Fearne's back up!

Buzzsaw attack from FCG! Oh, Divine Strike? No ... ALMOST killed that zombie ...

Imogen chucks a 4th Level Witchbolt at the demon ... 42 points of damage ... and she gets the HDYWTDT!!! YESSSSSSS!!! Oh yeah, she full on LIGHTS THIS FUCKER UP!!! Oh yeah, the demon is TOAST.

For the sake of brevity, Matt lets the rest of the thralls die ... yeah, seems fitting ...

Orym finds a fading spirit within the demon's body ... oh man ... it's tragic, but bittersweet ... at least he gets to put her to rest in the end.

Ah, they at least found enough flowers before they died to fill a 3rd of the satchel ... cool. Meanwhile Orym's looking for personal effects, then performs last rites in the Ashari manner.

Moody, mournful wind ... hmmm ...

Matt: "And that's where we're gonna end the night."

All round, EVERYBODY is in awe of Ashley saving the day so it wasn't a TPK ...

#critical role #crit role campaign 3 #crit role spoilers #campaign 3 spoilers #campaign 3 episode 66 #matt mercer #marisha ray #laudna #travis willingham #chetney pock o'pea #laura bailey #imogen temult #liam o'brien #orym of the air ashari #ashley johnson #fearne calloway #taliesin jaffe #ashton greymoore #sam riegel #fresh cut grass

[epcatwastaken]

Alright, I like character analysis, and I'd like to focus on Hughie and Annie for a second because I've seen people villainizing and saying one is 100% justified and the other isn't, and like... I can kinda see it but also not at the same time. (We don't stan 100% perfect angels in this house okay)

Feel free to point out anything I miss, because I'm not perfect and also need to rewatch the series a third time with season 3 eyes, but this is how my mind is playing it out right now.

Annie

Told from a young age her powers make her special

Told from a young age to do beauty pageants even though she didn't want to and wanted to be a hero

Became a hero the fair and square way in her own eyes but was picked because of "diversity" and numbers she could bring in

Sexually assaulted by Deep and threatened to have her dreams ripped away from her if she didn't comply

Told by her childhood hero (Maeve) to basically sit down and take it because there's no use in fighting those who use them

Was told to be quiet about her sexual assault (eventually took her power back for that)

Trapped into being a member of The Seven and told she'd never be a hero if she quit

Shamed by the company for protecting an innocent woman from being raped, then eventually praised when it benefitted them and not because it was the right thing to do

Told to keep quiet and work in the shadows to take down Vought because it was the best way to expose them

Nearly got Hughie killed by following Homelander's orders

Told to be Homelander's co-captain and take the high road even though she didn't want to, putting her in a damsel in distress position

Tried to be sneaky with Maeve and Alex, and it ended up getting Alex's face bashed in and Maeve at best kidnapped

Annie had her power taken away from her by the people surrounding her telling her to sit down, shut up, and look pretty, and now she wants to take that power back for herself. She never felt in control her whole life. Imagine the person who originally supported you for your power telling you now to sit down and be quiet. Annie's tired of being pushed around and she wants to do the right thing by taking her power back, and that means fighting Hughie's "whatever it takes" mentality.

Hughie

Told from a young age he came from a long line of cowards and to sit down and shut up

Powerless to stop his girlfriend from being killed in front of him and denied justice by people more powerful than him

Taunted by Translucent whose "real superpower is reading people" and told he was a coward and had no chance standing up to superheroes

Literally puts himself in Homelander's hands and is nearly drowned and unable to stop it

Surrounded by three skilled men and one superpowered woman who are desensitized to doing what they're doing, making him feel like the weak link in the group

Has his dad threatened by the very man who took Robin's life and has to rely on Kimiko and Frenchie to take him down

Stood up to Butcher when Butcher came back out of nowhere and got knocked on his ass for it (eventually punched him back but got held back by MM)

Finally gets Vought exposed like they wanted and gets it downplayed by Butcher, making him believe he didn't actually win anything

Gets blasted by Starlight, nearly killed by Homelander, and forces the team to let Kimiko's brother go to protect him, all getting Kimiko's brother killed in the process and losing the edge they had

Gets told by Butcher to run when Black Noir comes and finds them and is proven too weak to stand up to him, causing Billy to put his life further on the line to protect him

Has a piece of metal shoved into his abdomen and causes Billy and Starlight to save him again to get him help

Told to babysit Lamplighter because he's too weak right now to help, which eventually gets Lamplighter killed and criticized for it

Finally gets the feeling of helping out and doing greater good working for Neuman, finally feels like he's gotten some power and making a difference, finally feels like he can protect those he cares about and get justice for supes abusing the system, then gets it all ripped away when he finds out Neuman is just as corrupt as the others and everything he's been doing for the past year has been for nothing

Sees Billy injecting himself with V24 and realizes he can stand up to superheroes again if he takes some too, and no one is going to stand in his way of doing so

Hughie had no power and got those around him hurt, finally got power to protect those around him, then has that power taken away from him after he tries to follow the rules. He feels like he's losing control, which is a scary feeling. Now, imagine your choice putting your partner in danger of being murdered by a power you have no chance of defeating on your own, facing the possibility of your girlfriend being killed by a superhero again, and feeling that power rush you felt before returning. Hughie's tired of being pushed around and he wants to do the right thing by taking his power back, and that means fighting Annie's "doing it the right way" mentality.

I don't think either of them is being an asshole to each other. I think it's a lot of "I'm tired of being told I'm this when I want to be this" and lack of proper empathy and communication. Believe it or not, you can be toxic to someone without being the bad guy or meaning to be.

However, they're both heading down a dangerous road if they don't sit down and examine how their actions will affect other people. In Starlight's path, innocent people are now going to be hurt for her exposing Vought and Homelander. In Hughie's path, innocent people are going to be killed as collateral damage by Soldier Boy. Neither of their paths is free of consequences.

Honestly, I'm interested to see the fallout of their choices, especially since it's been proven you need a team to take down Homelander. And our team is very much not a team right now.

#the boys #the boys spoilers

[anunvalidcritic]

The Boys: SN3.3

(DISCLAIMER: MY OPINION IS MY OWN AND CAN BE DEEMED INVALID TO THOSE WHO DON’T CARE FOR IT.)

“Let’s hear it for the boys!” - B12... If you don’t get this then... I’m not sorry. 

                                           Barbary Coast

Beauty Pageants are fucking insane with that being said... the talent section is always the best. 

“Pain is weakness leaving the body.” - DONNA

We really need to sign up to have kids because a child shouldn’t have to go through that. 

Yo, it’s at the talent section!!!

DONNA JANUARY = JUNE GEORGE

ASHLEY looked like she was barely making it across the hallway lol

Naked...on a leather couch?!??! Ik his ass is sweating!!!

LMAO ofc the urban areas didn’t give a fuck about that speech... dude is fucking wild. 

ASHLEY gettin’ hot and bothered ROFL

Seeinf BUTCHER as a supe is pretty fuckin’ awesome though

“I’m-a be back, you got to police your shit. This is the Flatiron Building. It’s a historic motherfucking building. We got to put some respect on the building’s name.” - MOTHER’s MILK

WELCOME BACK M.M.!

MEMORABLE DIALOGUE

M.M. - “Uh-uh-uh. Use a plate.”

FRENCHIE - “But I don’t use a plate when I eat your mother’s sweet and savory vagin.”

M.M. - *stares then giggles*

KIMIKO I agree with you 100%!!

Cunt of the Year Awards lol

Woow.... HUGHIE said either I’m all in or it’s nothing!

LMAO FRENCHIE already got him covered!

...YIKES....

pantydroppers and 11-14 yrs should definitely not be in the same sentence.

It’s nice to see CHERIE again. 

Eleven kilos!! Oh, she was pushin’ pushin’!

A-TRAIN = RIHANNA

KIMIKO + RYAN = BFF

MALLORY just spill the fucking beans we don’t have all day!

Fuck MALLORY, fuck the government because they clearly don’t want to see any minotiies thrive.

STAN EDGAR!?!?! So, these motherfuckers are old old!?!

Who tf tans and smokes a ciggy at the same time?

Nah, because why did SOLDIER BOY look like he was about to cry when saying, “If you were a little nicer, maybe you’d find a man.” That lip quiver took me out ROFL

So, V24 gives folks the shits??

THE DEEP is fuckin’ weird man and so is his wife 

STARLIGHT stand up for yourself! Don’t be scared of that motherfucker!

QUEEN MAEVE is from a “cousin fucker hick town”

Did this motherfucker not learn from the dolphin incident?!?! Now he’s tryin’ to get with the octopus?!?!

I understand RYAN is attached to BUTCHER, but why tf would you he jiggle the doorknob to help him in the bathroom???

“Since when you been down for any cause?” - A-TRAIN’s BROTHER

A-TRAIN has a point, but he’s needs to stand for something that has true meaning. 

These must be the people CHERIE were talking about...

“Yevgenny. How’s your wife? She still enjoy getting her salad tossed by a Frenchman while her husband tosses nothing?” - FRENCHIE

BUTCHER better not burn that fucking house down with his laser eyes...

RYAN + BUTCHER = A Unique Dynamic Duo

SWATTO deserved what he got.

Dude was shooting just to shoot smfh

Well, at least we have an explanation for BLACK NOIR’s face...

Oh BUTCHER, don’t push RYAN away

Hey, at least he controlled his anger. 

“I’m sorry Yevgenny got a bit rough. He’s still upset you ate his wife’s anus.” - NINA

Not the Honda Odyessy Mini-Van!!

I forget that FRENCHIE’s real name is SERGE

Vicent Cassel?!?! I didn’t know FRENCHIE got down like that!

KMSL THE SEAFOOD FOR DINNER

THE DEEP is going through it at the dinner table

“EAT THE FUCKING OCTOPUS” - CASSANDRA

SUPERSONIC is team ANNIE

Don’t start getting weak now BUTCHER

EWW RIGHT ON HIS FACE?!?!?!

HOMELANDER isn’t shit, but we already knew this.

STARLIGHT turned into ARTHUR for a minute.

_____

If I say that I’m flabbergasted, would you believe me!?!? Here’s episode two and the link to episode four will be put here soon. Even though we have to wait until next Friday, you should always remember that everyone’s a critic when their opinion matters the least. 

#the boys #the boys season three #butcher #karl urban #hughie campbell #jack quaid #erin moriarty #starlight #karen fukuhara #the female #tomer capone #frenchie #Mother's Milk #Laz Alonzo #homelander #anthony rapp #Jensen Ackles #soldier boy #seth reed #evan lambert #malcolm barrett #silver knicaid #supersonic #grace mallory #cameron crovetti #miles gaston villanueva

[sankta-alina-s]

Sebastian had heard of Ghezen, everyone had. He was rumored to be a Forger like Vesperus. He was ruthless, spending his time hunting down powerful Ilken and Valg to consume their hearts.

Of course, their journey home would take them past his floating island in the sea.

Cyrus reached for his sister, Djel. The newly crowned Ocean Queen watched on in disgust. Ghezen had killed her mother to devour her heart. She had lead them here to kill the beast, not for a family reunion. Still, she looked to Natalia, Maeve and Eosphorous.

"My people will remember this help. Ghezen is not an easy for but his hold on the ocean needs to -"

"Leave."

Djel pulled away from her brother, pulling her robe closer against the howling wind. She turned to her brother, her eyes wide.

"You all must leave. I cannot leave with you Cyrus."

Cyrus gritted his teeth stepping closer, ignoring as the metal animals began to wake. Golden Lions prowled closer, silver Hawks took to the sky beginning to fly over the city. He was thankful Sebastian had allowed them to sail here. He'd probably done so because he knew Noelle would have taken him and gone without approval.

Noelle loved Natalia deeply, she trusted her sister. But she would not let her mate Cyrus do this alone.

Sebastian remembered Djel, vaguely like he did everything else now. She'd been a soft heart, a laugh like a bell. She looked terrified now for them. But Cyrus hadn't forgotten her in all these years. He remembered being taken from Winter, sold to the Valg.

His sister had been older, old enough to understand the only correct answer when Ghezen had asked if she would mate him. He'd come to that small shed dressed in gold and silver. He'd made the air shake with his power, with the stolen magic he'd consumed.

Cyrus had been freed, she hoped he'd survive.

Djel stared at them all, pale skinned, pale blue eyes jumping between all of them.

"Take my brother and flee. You will all die here, he will -"

"Mama?"

Djel spun away, reaching for the child who had walked onto the rooftop. She loved the rooftop, Ghezen had made it a winter garden for her. A link to the home she was remembering less and less of.

Cyrus paled at the child as Djel picked him up. He exhaled and stepped closer, the sky was beginning to grow stormy.

"Come with us. We'll take the child, we'll go home. Winter will protect you both, I will. Djel please you don't need to stay here with -"

"You act like she cannot leave if she wishes."

Ghezen stood on the roof railing, gold snakes moved up his arms. Cyrus gritted his teeth at his awareness slammed into them. He was one of the Old Ones. The ones who still had untainted bloodlines.

Ghezen inclined his head to Eosphorous, the only one of them he seemed to acknowledge.

He looked to Melusine with a sneer stepping down onto the rooftop.

"Have you come to die like your mother then?"

Melusine barred her iron teeth in a feral smile.

"Her magic still calls to me. You consumed her but she still will not bend. The ocean will not bend to -"

"I had respect for your grandparents boy."

Ghezen spoke over Melusine, acting like she hadn't spoken. Sebastian stiffened at the attention. He focused on the child clinging to Djel. His eyes wide, he whined into his mother's chest.

Sebastian snapped his eyes to Ghezen as Cyrus edged closer.

"And? Did you hear how they ended?"

Ghezen clicked his tongue, he looked out on the rolling waves.

"Your grandfather is a Valg. They don't know anything of loyalty and -"

He turned, the golden snake snapped from his arm to bite into Cyrus face. Cyrus howled falling to his knees. Noelle scrambled to him.

Sebastian heaved a mental sigh reaching for his spear, lightning sizzling up the staff. Ghezen ignored Djel's frantic pleas.

He focused on the staff with a critical eye.

"Did you make that Sebastian? It's exquisitely designed. How did you make the bones bow to you?"

Sebastian grinned and nodded to Athril.

"He did. As I take it his family isn't welcome in your little guild."

Ghezen frowned at Athril's smile and exaggerated bow.

"Your family lost Reshaye. Of course we would expel them. It is a weapon not such a -

He turned finally focusing on Djel as she set the boy down and pushed him toward Maeve and Athril. Her eyes pleaded with the newly crowned Valg High Queen.

"Get my boy in Autumn Maeve. Beron will understand."

"Djel what are you doing?"

She turned to him, light flaring in her veins.

"You swore to me Cyrus will be safe if I went with you."

He titled his head, stepping closer. He touched her cheek, Cyrus snarled trying to push Noelle off him.

"I swear I would not harm him. He comes here, to my domain - bringing weapons and enemies. Am I not allowed to protect our home? What lesson is it to our boy?"

He nodded to the child now held back by Maeve. Ghezen didn't seem too concerned by them, but then he was arrogant.

Djel turned, spurning Ghezen's touch. She leaned down to touch Cyrus eye healing it. She held his cheek, her tears falling as snowflakes to the ground.

Sebastian wondered if that's why there was a fine dusting of snow on the floor. Was it from her?

"Narcissus is a good boy Cyrus. Don't blame him for who his father is - Ghezen was good to me, to both of us."

Ghezen began to pale, seeing the light flare brighter. He shook his head as Djel turned back to him.

"Narcissus will not survive this. You may not love me but do not let that boy be raised by such things."

Djel flared brighter, Narcissus began to pull, screaming for his parents. Cyrus reached for Djel's ankle. He screwned her name, beginning to sob as the light began to flare brighter and brighter.

She smiled up at Ghezen, a sad smile.

"Did you ever love me? Or was it your duty and lust that had you come to me?"

Ghezen eyes narrowed, as if they'd had this conversation many times before.

"You know I love you. You know I did this all for you. Do not die like this Djel. Do not leave me -"

"Then come with me. Theia will come here, she will kill us both. This way Narcissus will survive. He is our legacy. Do not let him die here."

Ghezen stared at her outstretched hand. He slipped his ring, the gray stone burned silver in the weak dawn light. His gold serpent gripped it in its mouth, sliding up Narcissus's small shaking body.

Djel took off her purple pendant, a golden hawk taking it to loop around Narcissus's neck. He had stopped screaming, staring in growing horror.

Ghezen shook his head, his eyes finding Melusine.

"I suppose your mother has won, the magic will go back to you. What doesn't go to our gems for our son."

------

Eurymachus eyed the boy with distrust. He looked to Sebastian.

"Are you sure about this?"

Sebastian gripped the railing, the ship leaving the now sunken island. The boy had found a corner and hadn't moved. The animals hadn't followed him beyond a golden wolf and silver hawk. They stood Gaurd around him. Narcissus twirled his father's ring over and over in his hands.

Sebastian looked to one of his oldest friends.

"They asked him to go to Autumn, to Beron. Perhaps there's something there for him. We must try to keep the boy alive -"

"And will Winter allow it?"

Sebastian shrugged and pushed off the ship railing.

"It is the risk we must take."

------

Eurymachus set Alina down on the small grass courtyard. He didn't particularly want to be back here. But they needed to understand what to do now that Theia was dead and gone.

Her daughters needed to be collared and mated. He exhaled and touched Alina's cheek.

"I'll be right back alright Sunshine?"

Narcissus watched Eurymachus walk away. He stepped down the small steps to look at the young girl. He was 10 now, he remembered being her age.

He remembered the confusion when he'd suddenly felt his parents gigantic loss.

"Would you miss your parents if they died?"

"Narcissus."

Amarantha shook her head at him. Even at 10 he understood that whatever was between him and Amarantha wasn't just mere friendship.

Was this why his mother told them to bring him to Autumn? Had she known what they'd eventually be?

Narcissus smirked.

"What? She's fine."

"She's five don't traumatize the girl."

Amarantha gazed down at Alina.

"She's young."

//For Alina!!//

Alina wiggled in Eurymachus' arms in an effort to get down quicker. She'd been cooped up all day and was eager to run around as much as she could. She gave Eurymachus a smile in farewell before darting toward the nearest flower patch. She was picking flowers when she heard Narcissus' question.

She hastily turned, nearly dropping her disheveled bouquet, to observe the interloper.

Her brows furrowed as she spoke.

"That's a weird question," she said, wondering why the boy had opted to ask that.

Why not ask her favorite color or her favorite flower?

"I'm five!"

Alina held one hand out, fingers splayed, to display her age. "See? That's not so little."

#tag: bb Alina #verse: acotar #siderealxmelody

[luxmaeastra]

//YEE FOR ANYONE!!!//

Sebastian had heard of Ghezen, everyone had. He was rumored to be a Forager like Vesperus. He was ruthless, spending his time hunting down powerful Ilken and Valg to consume their hearts.

Of course, their journey home would take them past his floating island in the sea.

Cyrus reached for his sister, the newly crowned Ocean Queen watched on in disgust. Ghezen had killed her mother to devour her heart. She had lead them here to kill the beast, not for a family reunion. Still, she looked to Natalia, Maeve and Eosphorous.

"My people will remember this help. Ghezen is not an easy for but his hold on the ocean needs to -"

"Leave."

Djel pulled away from her brother, pulling her robe closer against the howling wind. She turned to her brother, her eyes wide.

"You all must leave. I cannot leave with you Cyrus."

Cyrus gritted his teeth stepping closer, ignoring as the metal animals began to wake. Golden Lions prowled closer, silver Hawks took to the sky beginning to fly over it city.

Sebastian remembered Djel, vaguely like he did everything else now. She'd been soft heart, a laugh like a bell. She looked terrified now for them. But Cyrus hadn't forgotten her in all these years. He remembered being taken from Winter, sold to the Valg.

His sister had been older, old enough to understand the only correct answer when Ghezen had asked if she would mate him.

Cyrus had been freed, she hoped he'd survive.

Djel stared at them all, pale skinned, pale blue eyes jumping between all of them.

"Take my brother and flee. You will all die here, he will -"

"Mama?"

Djel spun away, reaching for the child who had walked onto the rooftop. She loved the rooftop, Ghezen had made it a winter garden for her. A link to the home she was remembering less and less of.

Cyrus paled at the child as Djel picked her up. He exhaled and stepped closer, the sky was beginning to grow stormy.

"Come with us. We'll take the child, we'll go home. Winter will protect you both, I will. Djel please you don't need to stay here with -"

"You act like she cannot leave if she wishes."

Ghezen stood on the roof railing, gold snakes moved around his arms. Cyrus gritted his teeth at his awareness slammed into them. He was one of the Old Ones. The ones who still had untainted bloodlines.

Ghezen inclined his head to Eosphorous, the only one of them he seemed to acknowledge.

He looked to Melusine with a sneer stepping down onto the rooftop.

"Have you come to die like your mother then?"

Melusine barred her iron teeth in a feral smile.

"Her magic still calls to me. You consumed her but she still will not bend. The ocean will not bend to -"

"I had respect for your grandparents boy."

Ghezen spoke over Melusine, acting like she hadn't spoken. Sebastian stiffened at the attention. He focused on the child clinging to Djel. His eyes wide, he whined into his mother's chest.

Sebastian snapped his eyes to Ghezen as Cyrus edged closer.

"And? Did you hear how they ended?"

Ghezen clicked his tongue, he looked out on the rolling waves.

"Your grandfather is a Valg. They don't know anything of loyalty and -"

He turned, the golden snake snapped from his arm to bite into Cyrus face. He howled falling to his knees. Noelle scrambled to him.

Sebastian heaved a mental sigh reaching for his spear, lightning sizzling up the staff. Ghezen ignored Djel's frantic pleas.

He focused on the staff with a critical eye.

"Did you make that Sebastian? It's exquisitely designed. How did you make the bones bow to you?"

Sebastian grinned and nodded to Athril.

"He did. As I take it his family isn't welcome in your little guild."

Ghezen frowned at Athril's smile and exaggerated bow.

"Your family lost Reshaye. Of course we would expel them. It is a weapon not such a -

He turned finally focusing on Djel as she set the boy down and pushed toward Maeve and Athril. Her eyes pleaded with the Great Queen.

"Get my boy in Autumn. Beron will understand."

"Djel what are you doing?"

She turned to him, light flaring in her veins.

"You swore to me Cyrus will be safe if I went with you."

He titled his head, stepping closer. He touched her cheek, Cyrus snarled trying to push Noelle off him.

"I swear I would not harm him. He comes here, to my domain - bringing weapons and enemies. Am I not allowed to protect our home? What lesson is to our boy?"

Djel turned, spurning Ghezen's touch. She leaned down to touch Cyrus eye healing it. She held his cheek, her tears falling as snowflakes to the ground.

Sebastian wondered if that's why there was a fine dusting of snow on the floor. Was it from her?

"Narcissus is a good boy Cyrus. Don't blame him for who his father is - Ghezen was good to me, to both of us."

Ghezen began to pale, seeing the light flare brighter. He shook his head as Djel turned back to him.

"Narcissus will not survive this. You may not love me but do not let that boy be raised by such things."

Djel flared brighter, Narcissus began to pull, screaming for his parents. Cyrus reached for Djel's ankle. He screwned her name, beginning to sob it as the light began to flare brighter and brighter.

She smiled up at Ghezen, a sad smile.

"Did you ever love me? Or was it your duty and lust that had you come to me?"

Ghezen eyes narrowed, as if they'd had this conversation.

"You know I loved you. You know I did this all for you. Do not die like this Djel. Do not leave me -"

"Then come with me. Theia will come here, she will kill us both. This way Narcissus will survive. He is our legacy. Do not let him die here."

Ghezen stared at her outstretched hand. He slipped his ring, the gray stone burned silver in the light. His gold serpent gripped it in its mouth, sliding up Narcissus's small shaking body.

Djel took off her purple pendant, a golden hawk taking it to loop around Narcissus's neck. He had stopped screaming, staring in horror.

Ghezen shook his head, his eyes finding Melusine.

"I suppose your mother has won, the magic will go back to you. What doesn't go to our gems for our son."

The scene before them was a travesty, it was a story of forbidden love that ended in heartbreak. It was a story of caution to the world of mates and love, of the price some paid for the greed of what maybe they did not deserve. At least that would be the take for some, that would be the words whispered.

Melusine knew it would be a story of caution she would use for her children, to not go into something blindly. Though…there was always the whisper of promise. Her eyes settled upon the boy who was held tight within Maeve’s arms, crying for his parents.

Her chin rose as she looked back to Ghezen, a flicker of recognize to his words flared in her eyes. “I am sure your son will be wiser in how he wields his powers…” Her attention turned to Djel, everything she was giving put and putting upon the line.

“You will always be remembered by your son, his event will be forever in his memory…I hope you rest peacefully with that knowledge.” She meant no ill harm to the boy, but the realty had to be said.

#Muse | Melusine

[eyeofthedrgn]

A Heavy Battle Symphony Chapter 8

Catch up here >> AHBS Masterlist

TW: language, mental abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, violence, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, self harm, self-esteem issues, sexual abuse (only alluded to briefly in future chapters), drinking (comes up late in the story) just a lot of trauma, angst, smut - lots of lovely gay smut

Word count: 1739

Notes: This chapter is slightly graphic on the physical abuse. It's only like two lines, but I wanted to make it known.

Chapter 8 - Sorry for Now

After a while you may forget

But just in case the memories cross your mind

You couldn't know this when I left

Under the fire of your angry eyes

I never wanted to say goodbye

Four months, thirteen days, and ten hours, not that he was counting, since he left. Since the dark haired boy had walked away, leaving Rowan standing on the sidewalk. Since his mind spiraled out of control, and it felt like part of him died.

Rowan had been seeing a therapist for the last three months. It had helped, somewhat. At least he could function as a relatively normal human being again, when he was around people anyway. Most of the time. He almost didn't graduate. Thankfully, his mom, his friend group, and his therapist had helped him get through it.

But all in all, Rowan felt empty. Somehow his heart was broken. He hadn't realized someone could get so attached to someone so fast even though they never really talked or hung out. Maybe it was because they shared such vulnerabilities with each other that day in the park or there really was such a thing as a soulmate and his just left him. Either way, he was broken inside. Yet, he still went to parties with his friends, hung out, but he wasn't always present. Everyone noticed the vacant stares, but they usually left it alone. They all knew the general gist of what happened that day, but they could never understand the emotional gravity well that that day had caused. No one knew that Rowan had fallen for the other boy.

Except the ever observant Elide. She noticed everything. The way Rowan spoke about Lorcan, the way his eyes lit up when he saw the other boy walking down the hall, and the small looks they both shared on cast signing day.

But nobody had seen Lorcan after he had walked away. He never came back to school. No one knew what to think. Most assumed they moved again and they left it at that. Rowan assumed the worst after seeing Lorcan's bruises and him basically saying this was a usual occurrence.

Rowan was brought back to the present when a beach ball hit him in the head. He was sitting on the edge of Aelin's pool, sulking, feet dangling in the water. Aelin was throwing one of her parties, it was nearly the end of summer and soon most of them would head off to college. The noises from his friends finally filtering back into his head, it was suddenly too loud, too bright, and too hot. He ran a hand down his face.

Fenrys had been the beach ball throwing culprit, Rowan just glared at him.

"Come on, Ro. Try and have some fun?" Fen had swam over to Rowan and crossed his arms over the edge of the pool. The roguish blond just wanted him to be happy.

“I’m sorry.” He said that a lot now. Fenrys just raised an eyebrow at the boy… man.

He was eighteen now and he wasn't that scrawny, nerdy looking boy anymore. Rowan supposed that was one good thing that came out of Lorcan leaving, he got addicted to working out. There was a punching bag set up in the garage with some weights. He was fit now, muscles defined, but not bulky.

Elide walked up and mussed up his hair. "Come help me get some drinks." She didn't leave any room for argument.

In the kitchen, Elide just leaned forward on the island and looked at Rowan.

"I thought we were getting drinks."

"Yeah, we will. But-"

"But what?" He really didn't mean to say that with such an attitude, but he was hot and emotionally exhausted. Honestly, he just wanted to go home.

Elide was on her phone, waiting for him to chill. Taking a deep breath he said, "I'm sorry. What did you want to talk about?" Rowan was trying, he really was. She just slid her phone over the counter towards him. He furrowed his brows as he looked at the article on the screen.

Consultants for Erawan Enterprises arrested on counts of fraud, child abuse, human trafficking, and other illicit activities

"What's this?" He had no idea what this was about. Why would he care about Erawan Enterprises?

He picked up the phone and kept reading since Elide clearly wasn’t going to answer. It was short and there was a photo of a devastatingly beautiful woman with dark as night hair, that reminded him of Lorcan, and alabaster skin in handcuffs being pushed into a cop car and a very angry man shoved against the hood of the same car.

Maeve Valgerian and James Perrington were arrested Wednesday night. After some anonymous tips to the Morath Police.

"Who are these people?" Rowan didn't understand.

"Pretty sure she's Lorcan's aunt."

Oh.

Rowan had searched for Lorcan online after he disappeared, but there was literally nothing. Absolutely zero results. It was like he was a ghost.

They were consultants for Erawan Enterprises and moved all over the world for the very powerful man. Erawan Enterprises is under investigation for fraud, money laundering, and human trafficking.

After Valgerian and Perrington were arrested, MPD searched their residence and found incriminating evidence against them.

There was also a teenager held captive in the basement. They were taken to the nearest hospital with severely critical injuries. The name and gender of this individual will not be released for their safety.

The article was published nearly two months ago.

Human trafficking…

Held captive...

Severely critical injuries...

"Please, don't break my phone." He was squeezing the device and didn't realize it. Quickly handing it back to her, his hand went straight to his hair.

“Are you sure this is his aunt?”

“Well, not 100%, but they have physical similarities and their hair…” she trailed off. “And Lorcan had mentioned his aunt’s boyfriend living with them one day in class.”

"Fuck!" He felt like he wanted to rip his hair out.

"Ro." Elide's voice was quiet.

"FUCK!"

After a couple deep breaths, he ran his hands down his face, and then turned to face his friend. "Is he dead?" His voice cracked.

"I don't know. All of the other articles I could find are just about them and Erawan Enterprises. No mentions of Lorcan. Anywhere. It's like he doesn't exist."

Elide pulled him into a hug and he broke.

---

Lorcan had been through shit show after shit show since he left the Whitethorn house. As soon as he returned to the apartment, it was packed up into a moving van and they were gone.

They were in Fenharrow for a couple months. Maeve didn't enroll him in school. He was locked in the basement of the small house they rented, it felt like he had gone crazy. He hadn't seen the sun until they moved again. His skin turned a sickly gray. By the time they moved again, he could feel every one of his ribs, and his hips stuck out, his fingers overlapping when wrapped around his wrist.

Next move was to Morath. Lorcan didn't know if he would survive. He didn’t have a good feeling about this place. The basement became his home yet again. It was filthy. There were thick iron hooks in opposite walls and chains hanging from them. This was where he was going to die. He closed his eyes as Perrington latched the shackles around his wrists.

---

One day, Lorcan heard sirens intermittently. He kept passing out. He wasn't even sure he was hearing sirens or if it was just a ringing in his ears. They were always ringing nowadays. A punch to his face made his vision flicker. Blood and saliva leaked from his mouth as his head rolled down to his chest.

The ringing in his ears got louder. There definitely weren't sirens. No one was going to save him. He was going to die here. He knew it. It was what he deserved. The bastard born half-breed that no one cared about, left to die in his own filth in a disgusting basement. The world slowly faded to black.

---

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

He was in Hel. He had to be.

Beep.

The incessant beeping was there to drive him insane. And the smell of bleach was there to make him sick.

Beep.

---

Lorcan startled awake. How could he be awake? He was supposed to be dead. Right?

The nightmare he was having felt so real. Probably because he had lived it before. He assumed that was just what Hel was supposed to be, reliving the worst parts of your life.

But instead, he was in a bed, a hospital bed. Why did they save him? Lorcan wasn't worth saving. Yet, here he was covered in wires, tubes, a needle stuck in his hand, a device on his finger. It was dark outside and the lights were dim in the room.

Deciding he wasn’t actually dead, he took stock of his body, he was certain he had some broken ribs, but nothing else seemed to be broken which was surprising. He was definitely sore and stiff. And exhausted. So exhausted.

---

After… Lorcan didn't know how long he was discharged. He had put on some weight, though not a lot. The staff made sure he ate. They were all nice and cared for him. But now, he stood outside the main entrance of the hospital in some scrubs they gave him. Now, he had nothing. Nobody. He may as well have been lost at sea.

Why had they saved him? He still couldn’t figure that out.

Somehow, he managed to find the small house that he had been stuck in for who knows how long. There was police tape over the door. The door was open.

He pushed through the tape. The house was a mess. It seemed the cops had ransacked the place. But he finally found his things, they were strewn about the floor. Thank Hellas, his journal was still there. After changing, he packed up his books and journal, some clothes, and a few other other necessities.

He needed money or something he could sell. Maeve's jewelry would help. He could pawn it.

Lorcan asked the pawnshop owner for directions to the bus station, and then he set out to see if there was still one person who cared about him. Hopefully this wasn’t a bad idea.

____

Thanks for reading. Things will get better, I promise! Let me know if you'd like to be tagged.

Edit- oops! I forgot to actually put in tags... My bad. Sorry!

@thenerdandfandoms @starlightorstarfire

#rowcan #rowan x lorcan #rowan whitethorn #rowcan fanfic #lorcan salvaterre #linkin park #heavy battle symphony #crackship #throne of glass

[feysandfeels]

Bless that T Swift/SJM crossover anon!! Can I add some other ones?!

The 1 - Chaol & Celaena after she’s Aelin again (or Chaol & Nesryn.....poor Chaol)

The Last Great American Dynasty - more like the Last Great Terrasen Dynasty lol

My Tears Ricochet - Aelin @ Arobyn

Mirrorball - Lysandra

Mad Woman = AELIN

The Lakes - Aelin talking about Rowan when she’s tired of it all

Not my (Chloe Ting sponsored) ass realizing just now that the original anon meant all the sjm pairings, but since I’m deep in the acotar trash atm I only made those. 

ACOTAR I & II

Apologies jeje. 

Manorian: generally speaking they have such reputation vibes. Immaculate record for immaculate couple.

... Ready for it? - “But if he's a ghost, then I can be a phantom Holdin' him for ransom” // “Younger than my exes but he act like such a man, so I see nothing better, I keep him forever Like a vendetta-ta” // “You should see the things we do, baby In the middle of the night, in my dreams I know I'm gonna be with you So I take my time Are you ready for it?”. Listen do I really need to explain this or do we all just see it?. This song has the electricity, the sexyness, the roughness, the daring aspect that makes manorian be the GOD tier couple that they are. 

I’d Lie - Right, bare with me  but I will lol at this forever because Manon is basically “And I could tell you his favorite color's green He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes And if you asked me if I love him, I'd lie”. It’s such a weird song to associate with them but it fits her so well hahahahaha because my girl lives in such denial that I just can’t hahahahahahaaha and like “I don't let nobody see me wishing he was mine” this is MANON FOR DORIAN ALL THE TIME, and everyone is like but we see you wanting him so just do something about it!!!

Rowaelin

Willow - this screams Rowan looking at Aelin: “Wherever you stray I follow I'm begging for you to take my hand Wreck my plans That's my man”. He straight up left Maeve and the blood pact thingy they had for the blond girl he met three months prior. Also “Wait for the signal and I'll meet you after dark Show me the places where the others gave you scars Now this is an open-shut case Guess I should've known from the look on your face Every bait and switch was a work of art”, this speaks of the vulnerability shared through HoF about their scars and of Rowan realizng that every step he took was so he would met her. Willow is Rowan’s song for Aelin. 

The Lakes- LET HER GO TO TERRASEN WHERE ALL THE POETS WENT TO DIE, LET HER STAY SO THAT WISTERIA GROWS AROUND HER FEET BECAUSE SHE HASN’T MOVED IN YEARS. 

Elorcan

Hoax - the balance of the deep betrayal and the love, the hurt and the I would choose you again all of the nuances of Lorcan’s betrayal and the shattered illusions that speak of them even in their absences, are in Hoax: “Stood on the cliffside Screaming, "Give me a reason" Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in Don't want no other shade of blue But you No other sadness in the world would dI believe in Don't want no other shade of blue But you No other sadness in the world would do”.

Lysandeon

Paper rings- “The wine is cold Like the shoulder that I gave you in the street Cat and mouse for a month or two or three Now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe”. This song matches their energy so well even if the lyrics don’t all offer exact parallels. They did however play cat and mouse for a month or two or three. “I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings Uh huh, that's right Darling, you're the one I want” Lysandra being accustomed to the finer things in life but she would slum it for Aedion; she is here for thick and thin.

Nesraq: 

Gorgeous - “Of your magnetic field being a little too strong And I got a boyfriend (Chaol), he's older than us He's in the club (palace) doing, I don't know what (Yrene....) You're so cool (Sartaq really is the coolest), it makes me hate you so much (I hate you so much)” // You make me so happy (dude Nesryn loves spending time with him and he feels valued), it turns back to sad (fuck what about Chaol.. we promised each other it give it ago), yeah There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have (because he’s the prince and I’m not royal) You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad”.

Chaorene: 

Dancing with our hands tied - even if the lyrics don’t create perfect parallels, I think the main theme of the song being two people that want to be together, but feel their relationship has a lot of baggage would fit them well. Yrene has to get over her hate for Adarlan (even though she has every every every right to hate Adarlan) and Chaol has to get over *himself*. “I, I loved you in spite of Deep fears that the world would divide us So, baby, can we dance Oh, through an avalanche? And say, say that we got it I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted”.

 Sam x Celaena:

I know places - them trying to run away so they could find a safe place to be in love? indeed. Me crying right now because they never got to? you bet: “'Cause they got the cages, they got the boxes And guns They are the hunters, we are the foxes And we runBaby, I know places we won't be found and They'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down Cause I, I, I, I know places we can hide, I, I (...)”.

Dorian x Celaena: 

The Way I loved you - To Dorian from Aelin... with love, friendship love that is. Because she recognizes the potential in him, in them, she knows he would be good to her and she knows that she indeed fell for him hard enough to want him for herself, but it just doesn’t feel like *that* anymore.

Red - From Dorian’s perspective: “Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly”// “Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted Was right there in front of you Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words To your old favorite song Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword And realizing there's no right answer”. They were literally a crash and burn. But neither of them can actually bring themselves to regret it. It was fun while it lasted and in its way it brought them closer. 

Chaol x Celaena: 

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together - self explanatory, this is them through QoS. My Celorian ass is here for this pettiness I will take no criticism.  

Forever and Always - “Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide Like a scared little boy I looked into your eyes Thought I knew you for a minute, now I'm not so sure So here's to everything coming down to nothing Here's to silence, that cuts me to the core Where is this going? Thought I knew for a minute, but I don't anymore” This was essentially Chaol’s thought process wondering why him an Celaena don’t work anymore and feeling like... a “we were supposed to be together 5ever what happened.... besides me not doing much to prevent her bff’s death and working for the dude that orchestrated the murder of her nation ?”

August - if I’m being honest this song fits them too not my fave song from folklore being for my least favorite couple in this story but if I gave Feylin some of my all time favorites I can give this one to them, but like “But I can see us lost in the memory August slipped away into a moment in time 'Cause it was never mine And I can see us twisted in bedsheets August sipped away like a bottle of wine 'Cause you were never mine Your back beneath the sun Wishin' I could write my name on it” Even though Chaol was ready to leave it all for her (he would literally cancel plans.. his life plans in case she’d call) she knew that this was an impossibility, their time was brief and it slipped away like a bottle of wine. She could never be his, because she was not entirely herself with him being Aelin meant opening up a lot of things and if Chaol had a hard time getting past a lot of Celaena’s traits then we can imagine the work, literally work he would have to do to accept Aelin... you know what, we don’t have to imagine it... it’s right there in QoS and ToD, anywho, he could never write his name on her back because she was never his, because he did not accept her for all that she was. 

Aelin x Dorian x Chaol: 

Long live - “I  said, remember this moment, in the back of my mind The time we stood with our shaking hands The crowds in stands went wild We were the kings and the queens” // “Will you take a moment? Promise me this That you'll stand by me forever But if, God forbid, fate should step in And force us into a goodbye If you have children some day When they point to the pictures Please tell them my name Tell them how the crowds went wild Tell them how I hope they shine Long live the walls we crashed through I had the time of my life, with you” // I’m emotional right now and I need to cry it out.

I’m not 100% sure on the Chaoyrene one... but I think it’s good enough for me to post this hahaha

Anywho, I hope whoever asked for this enjoyed it 💛💛

#Feysandfeelsasks #Rowaelin #Manorian #Elorcan #Chaorene #Nesraq #Lysandion #Celorian #I don't know what Chaol and Celaena were #sorry

[mitchloveswriting]

Could I request something with Fenrys from Throne of Glass and his mate?

A/n: You most certainly can my dear 🧡 I hope you all enjoyed this, feedback and constructive criticism is always welcome, but be polite please 🧡

Hiding

Fenrys Moonbeam let loose a huge sigh the moment he was out of Doranelle.

Maeve had sent him off on a task to hunt down a merchant she believed would cross her.

The merchant was from within Doranelle, but the ancient queen had been vague with her orders and had given him much longer to fulfill his task than he would need.

He took advantage of this and sent word to Y/n L/n to meet him at the border of Doranelle so that he might take them both away for a while.

As they strolled through the woods - knowing they should find a place to stay soon, but unwilling to leave this peaceful moment - Fenrys looked down at the female by his side.

And now he couldn't look away.

"What is it?" Y/n's voice mused, bringing Fenrys to the realisation that she had looked back at him.

Her eyes glowed in the setting sun; her hair was messy, strands strewn across her face from the wind; her lips curled into a soft yet cheeky smile. She was breathtaking.

The words clanged through Fenrys just like the very first time they met.

Mate. My mate.

Their mating bond had snapped into place the moment they'd met.

He remembered it vividly.

Y/n was tipsy and not at her cognitive prime; not to mention being thrown out of the bar Fenrys was stood in front of.

"I didn't start shit you old bat!" She had been yelling at the closed doors of the bar.

"Trouble in paradise?" Fenrys had drawled at the female who was then taking up much of the sidewalk and preventing him from passing.

Y/n had turned to the warrior with a scowl, but he only smirked and looked her directly in the eyes. And that's when they felt it.

A connection- no. A bond. A bond, falling into place between them, entwining their minds and souls. The mating bond.

Y/n had sobered up almost immeadiately and Fenrys had ditched the smirk for a small, but genuine smile.

"Do want to get some dinner?"

"It's nothing. I just, can't believe it sometimes. That I found you. That you're mine. My mate." He finally responded with a shake of his head that caused his bright, golden hair to cascade down his shoulder.

Y/n smiled, but it was subdued.

"Maybe you could believe more easily if we weren't sneaking around all the time." She muttered and Fenrys froze for half a second.

"Must we have this conversation now? We're supposed to be spending a good time together before I have to go back." He sighed and Y/n stared at her feet.

"You're right. I'm sorry, we shouldn't discuss this now." She apologised, her voice was soft and sad on Fenrys' ears and he gulped guiltily.

He stopped walking and Y/n looked up at him in confusion. He gripped her shoulders and squeezed, then pulled her tightly into his chest.

Wrapping his arms around her waist, he buried his face into her neck and took in her scent. She smelt like orchids and roses. And she smelt like contentedness. And a little annoyed, but he decided not to mention it.

Her scent was beautiful and comforting. For Fenrys, her scent was home.

And for Y/n, Fenrys' slightly sweaty, but grounding smell of the lavendar soap she had made for him (that he lathered himself in every bath) was her comfort. Her home.

Her arms squeezed tightly around his neck.

"I love you." Fenrys muttered and Y/n smiled against the tender skin of his neck.

"I love you too." She whispered back and they both huffed little laughs.

They pulled away and Y/n slid her hand down his arm, intertwining their fingers.

Fenrys chuckled as he looked down at their connected hands.

"What now?" Y/n teased with a small smirk.

"Your hands are so tiny. Mine basically swallows yours up." He swung their hands back and forth and Y/n burst into laughter.

She wasn't one to laugh often, but being alone with Fenrys. Her mate. Surrounded by his scent and his voice and his warmth. She could do it then. She could laugh.

She could smile and be happy and relax.

"Fenrys look! Oh it's so adorable. We should stay there tonight." Y/n claimed excitedly pointing at the small inn that lay in the clearing.

"Do you want that my love?" He brought their joined hands up to his lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles.

"Yes! Yes please!" Y/n had a wild grin lighting up her face.

"Then that's what we'll do." He quickened his steps and they reached the inn in no time.

🔸️

After finding a room, Fenrys and Y/n sat curled up together on the bed.

"When are we going to stop hiding? It's not easy for me to sneak out of Doranelle every so often." Y/n mumbled and Fenrys stood up suddenly, causing her to fall down on the matress.

"We already talked about this. We said we weren't going to mention it!" Fenrys kept his voice level. He didn't want to yell at her.

"I know, but it's hard Fenrys! It's hard when you haven't even told me why we're hiding! It's been so long, don't you think I want to show off my mate? Tell my family? Be with you and not feel like a dirty little secret?" Her eyes burned and bottom lip quivered, but her voice was quiet.

She stood up on the other side of the bed and Fenrys looked her in the eyes. Those broken, confused eyes that had filled with tears Y/n wasn't going to let drop. And for a moment, he wished she was yelling. He wished she was screaming at him, berating him.

But she just stood there, upset and expectant. And he couldn't stop himself.

"Y-you...you can't know Y/n..." He stumbled over his words.

"Why not? Do you not trust me? Are you in with bad people? At least give me a reason." She snapped.

"A reason. I don't care if it's a lie. Just any reason for me to not tell my mother that her only daughter found her mate. That he's the most amazing male anyone's ever met!"

Fenrys just stared at her. He felt like his brain had stopped. She really thought he would do that?

He took two large steps around the bed and gripped her chin in his large hand.

"I would..." he took a deep, shaky breath, "I would never lie to you. Especially not about something like this."

She reached a hand up and held on to his wrist.

"Then... then why..." She trailed off. She had no words. All she wanted was to be with her mate. To have a big happy family that she didn't have to hide.

Fenrys sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled Y/n onto his lap. She looped her arms around his neck and rest her head on his shoulder. His arms wrapped around her waist and he pulled her closer to him.

"Y/n, the reason we have to hide is because the female I serve, she... she can't find out about you. Because she'll torture you in every way possible. I want you unruined by that- that-"

"Calm down Fenrys. Take a deep breath." Y/n cut him off. She pressed three soft kisses to his neck and he sighed.

"Who do you work for, love? How bad could it possibly be?" Three more kisses and one tear hit his neck.

"Don't cry. Please don't cry. I- I work for... I can't..."

"Yes you can Fenrys. I won't get hurt. I can handle myself." Three more kisses.

"You're distracting me."

"Excuses excuses."

They each chuckled a little and Y/n pulled away from from the crook of his neck.

"Fenrys." Her tone was stern and he blinked for a moment before sighing once again.

"I-I am blood-sworn to Queen Maeve."

And silence.

More silence.

Even more sile-

"Please say something Y/n!" He sounded so desparate.

"You're my mate, Fenrys. I love you. And I understand. I just... wish you could've told me sooner."

"I'm sorry." He whined and this time he pressed three kisses to Y/n's neck.

"I know you are. I love you "

"You're still mad."

"Yeah, yeah I am." She rested her hand on his jaw and pressed their lips together.

#throne of glass x reader #reader insert #x reader #fenrys moonbeam #fenrys x reader #fenrys moonbeam x reader #pls request #imagine #throne of glass #fenrys is the greatest #you cant change my mind #fanfic #fanfiction

[bisou-doux]

The Starving Games ft. Freddie Weasel: AKA Pt. 1 of my Hunger Games x Harry Potter crossover series (OC x Fred Weasley)

Warnings (None of these are really graphic, but feel free not to read if any of these things make you uncomfortable!!): Blood, knives, knife wound, character death(s), severe injury mention (lost limbs), dead animal mention?? (a rat) 

This is the first fic I’ve ever written! I got the idea from a post I saw from @wand3ringr0s3 Comments and criticism are GREATLY appreciated and it’d be really cool to get some feedback on my writing style!! 

a/n: Also if I do write more, this is gonna be an enemies to allies to lovers situation bc I <3 angst 

Tagging my mutuals: @ourloveisforthelovely @darthwheezely @amrtxntia  @anchoeritic @kellsslut @whizboingies @beiahadid

Darkness. Pure black. I hear noises coming from somewhere. Muffled. Echoing through the endless void around me. The noises become louder. Someone is talking. The more I listen, the louder and clearer they get. Clear enough that I can almost make out the words. Suddenly, everything goes deafeningly quiet. My ears start ringing. But then, a single voice echoes through the silence, “Seph?”. I recognize it immediately. “Maeve?” I call out. “Seph? Is that you?” she responds, her voice shaky with fear. “Yes, yes, Maeve, it’s me. Where are you?”

“I don’t know.” she responds, panic rising in her voice. “Seph, I’m scared.”

“I know. I know, kiddo,” I swallow hard, “Hey. Hey, listen, I’m gonna find you, okay? Just stay calm.”

My heart is racing. I look around for some sort of clue, but nothing but complete darkness surrounds me. I tentatively reach my hand out in front of me. My fingertips graze something. Something cold. I take a step forward and reach out again. My hand finds what feels like a thin chain. I roll it around in my fingers before pulling down on it. The space is immediately flooded with blinding white light. I blink a few times to adjust my eyes to the sudden brightness. I’m at home; a tiny one room flat that I share with my mother, sister, and our cat. Except it’s empty- no furniture, not even a door. I see my sister standing a few feet in front of me, her hands bound together by a thick rope. “Maeve!” I rush towards her. “Seph!” she cries. As I reach out to hug her I’m pushed back by an invisible force. I look up and there she is- standing inside a giant glass dome. I take a few steps back, trying to register what I’m seeing.

“Shall we draw the names?” I whip my head around to see a woman in a magenta frock standing on the other side of the room. Her dress is covered in so many frills and flounces that she takes up half the flat. On her head is a ridiculous blonde wig that must add at least two feet to her height. Her face is covered entirely in white powder, with her cheeks overly rouged, and her top lip painted magenta to match the dress. She looks like a very posh clown.

“I-I’m sorry what?”

She laughs airily, “The names, darling. Surely you remembered?”

“Remember what?”

She tsked then pulled out two smaller versions of the glass dome from the frills at the front of her dress. They each had a small slip of paper in them. “Go on. Pick one.” Her voice was incredibly high-pitched, and she spoke with a capitol accent. I stepped towards her and hesitantly reached into the bowl in her right hand. I unfolded the slip of paper, ‘Maeve Whitlock’. I stared at the name in confusion.

“I don’t understand.”

“Will you take her fate as your own?”

“What do you mean? What fate?”

The woman let out another laugh, this one high and cold, it echoed around the entire room and caused the floor to shake. Suddenly, I heard Maeve call out to me, “SEPH!” I looked back to where she was in the dome. There was a dark, shadowy figure standing behind her, holding a knife to her neck. Her hands and feet were bound to a small wooden chair, and her mouth was now gagged with a dishcloth. I ran towards the dome, panic rising further in my chest. “MAEVE!” I shouted desperately. She looked at me fearfully, tears rolling slowly down her cheeks. I banged and kicked and rammed my body at the glass so hard, I should’ve shattered something. But it was no use. I looked back to where the woman had been standing, but she was gone. The shadowy figure stood still, holding the knife to my sister’s neck.

“LET GO OF HER YOU FREAK!” I cried, banging my fists against the dome. Maeve was panicking now, her chest rising and falling rapidly, tears running down her face, her muffled pleas penetrating through the glass. “MAEVE.” I cried out; my voice cracked as the salty tears streamed down my cheeks. But I was too late. The dark figure suddenly slashed the knife across her throat, her cries stopped and she slumped down into her seat, eyes still half open, blood now seeping into her blouse. “NO!” I screamed, sinking down to the ground. The glass squeaked as my hands dragged down over the exterior. I looked back up towards the shadowy figure, only to see it was no longer there. In its place I saw myself, a satisfied smile on my face. I heard the clownish woman’s disembodied laugh echo through the flat, “What a pity,” the voice said, “you could’ve saved her! But now, I’m afraid, you must face the consequences of your actions.” The clone slowly raised the hand still holding the knife, and pointed directly at me. Suddenly, I felt the cool touch of metal against my throat. The other me winked, and I felt the blade drag deep across my neck. I started to choke, the blood pooling into my airways. I instinctively brought my hand up to the wound. My vision started turning black around the edges. I looked down to see the front of my dress already soaked in red. The last thing I saw was my own hand, holding the knife, droplets of blood falling steadily from the tip of the blade. Then, everything went dark.

My eyes shot open. All I saw was fur, and something was blocking my breathing. I sat up quickly, and the ball of fluff leapt off my face. The cat looked up at me from his new place on my lap- those big amber eyes practically staring into my soul- and meowed loudly. I sighed in annoyance. “Stupid cat.” I grumbled as I lifted him up and let him jump to the floor. I rubbed my eyes and tried to slow my racing heartbeat. My body was covered in a sheen of cold sweat. I looked down at the bed to see my sister still sleeping soundly beside me. I took a deep, shaky breath and stroked the top of her head, moving away some of the stray hairs lying across her face. I glanced over at the digital clock next to me, SUNDAY: JULY 4. 8:26 AM. Today was Reaping Day; no wonder I had that horrible nightmare. This would be my 4th year participating in the drawing, it was Maeve’s first. How unlucky it was that her twelfth birthday had only been three days prior. If she’d just been born a few days later, she could’ve been spared for another year.

I sighed and swung my legs over the side of the bed. My mother was already awake, sewing some buttons back onto Maeve’s school shirt. “Hi, mom.”

“Hi, sweetie. Did you just wake up?”

“Yeah, just now.” I yawned.

“Is Maeve still asleep?”

“Yeah.”

“What time is it?”

“Almost 8:30. Should I wake her up?”

“No, it’s okay,” she sighed, “let her sleep some more. I’ll wake her up soon.” She held up the shirt to examine her work, “Still needs a few more stitches…” She held the needle between her teeth and reached down to her sewing basket to grab another spool of thread. I looked down as I felt the cat’s bushy tail brush past my ankles. I knelt down and scratched behind his ears.

“Did you feed Tulip yet?” I asked. The fluffy, tricolor, flat-faced cat was now sitting at my feet, purring contentedly.

“Didn’t have to; he caught his own breakfast. A huge rat, which he so lovingly dropped on my pillow this morning.” My mother replied.

I stifled a laugh.

“Since you’re already up, go ahead and shower. I’ve laid out your clothes for you on the kitchen table, so when you’re done, just change into them and come back here so I can do your hair. Okay?”

“Okay.”

She smiled at me then went back to her work. I grabbed some soap and a clean towel from the small shelf near the entrance and walked out. “Make sure you don’t use up all the hot water!” she called out as I closed the door behind me. “Don’t worry, I won’t!”.

We didn’t have our own bathroom- there was one toilet and one shower per floor, which could be shared by anywhere from 5 to 20 people. There were 5 apartments on each of the 4 floors- all one room- with one bed, a stove, a sink, a small table and chairs, and some shelves for storage. Each apartment had a heater and air conditioner, but they were never guaranteed to work when you needed them. Sometimes only one side of the building would have heating, or only certain floors had AC, or only specific apartments. Often, the whole building wouldn’t have either for days at a time. The same thing happened with the water and electricity. You could never fully rely on any of the appliances being in working order. As a result, we shared a lot with other apartments. If someone’s stove wasn’t working, they could just knock on a neighbor’s door and use theirs. If only one apartment on our floor had heating during the winter, there were no objections when everyone else would come over and make themselves at home. It made it feel like we were all one family, and it was customary to refer to many of your neighbors as your aunt or uncle. This was common throughout the District, as almost everyone aside from the mayor and peacekeepers lived in small, rundown tenements, expanding outwards from the city center, which was home to the Justice building. Here, in District 8, we produce textiles. There are 6 factories in total; one of which is entirely dedicated to making peacekeeper uniforms. We typically start in the factories at 14, splitting the day between school and work. We aren’t assigned specific jobs until we turn 18. Until then, those in charge of production make requests for certain numbers of workers, and we go wherever we’re needed. Once we finish school, we’re assigned permanent job positions based on both our aptitude tests and our performances in various factory tasks. The better you do on the aptitude test, the better (or at least safer) your job will be. Those with the highest scores tend to be assigned as desk jockeys- where the risk of dying on the job is fairly low. Those with the lowest scores are sent to work in the most dangerous parts of the factories; you can always tell who works there because chances are, they’ve lost some part of their limbs...or face...or they’re, you know, missing a hand...Then there’s those whose scores fall somewhere in the middle; if they have a specific skill, like baking, or perhaps healing, they’re assigned a job based on that. The rest are assigned mid-level factory jobs, which were still dangerous, but the chances of getting to keep all your fingers were significantly higher! (But not guaranteed).

When I turned on the shower, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the water was delightfully warm. It took everything in me not to keep standing there, enjoying the warmth, until the water would turn cold. I shivered as I stepped out of the shower and quickly wrapped my towel around me. I walked swiftly down the hall and flung open the door to the apartment. I grabbed my outfit from the kitchen table. A white trapeze-line dress ending an inch or so above my knees, long billowy sleeves pulled tight at the wrists, and a mock turtleneck with tiny ruffles adorning the edge. My shoes sat on the floor next to it; dark blue suede ankle-boots with small square heels.They were a birthday present from my mother; most definitely from the black market. I got dressed and pulled up a stool in front of my mother’s chair. She combed through my curls as gently as she could, but I still winced when she pulled too hard at a knot. She braided four small plaits at the front and sides of my hair, pulling them into two larger braids that she twisted together and pinned to the back of my head. She handed me the mirror. I looked into it and smiled, “It’s beautiful. Thank you.” I turned around and hugged her tightly. She smelled of soap and clean linen, and something else I couldn’t quite put my finger on- all I knew was that it was comforting and warm. I held on a little longer than usual. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, inhaling her scent. She brought her hand up and gently stroked the back of my head. We both knew what could happen today...I tried my best not to think about it. Maeve soon came back from the shower and changed into a mod-style purple dress and black mary janes. My mother braided her hair in a similar style to mine, adding a small flower clip at the side. She looked us once over, nodded, then stood at the mirror and added a few pins to secure her own hairstyle. She sighed, “Ready?”

“Yeah.” “Yeah.” my sister and I said in unison.

My mother chuckled lightly as we stepped through the threshold.

We walked the few blocks over to the underground and boarded the train headed to the Justice building. The train car was packed. Everyone was dressed in their best (and most colorful) outfit. These types of clothes were only worn on special occasions; those above working age wore grey coveralls to work and school, and something drab and ill-fitting otherwise. As we exited the train car, I kept a tight grip on Maeve’s hand. As we emerged from the underground, our eyes were bombarded with light, and I squinted as the brightness flooded my vision. When my eyes adjusted, I spotted the registration table. I gave my mother a brief hug and went to join the girls’ line with Maeve. Soon, we’d reached the front. I looked down at Maeve, “You want me to go first, kiddo?”

She glanced up at me with wide eyes, then stared forward and shook her head. 

“You sure?”

“Mhmm. I just wanna get it over with.”

“Okay.” I hunched over and whispered into her ear, “You’re gonna be fine, I promise. It’s not as bad as you think. I’ll see you in a few minutes, yeah?”

She nodded. I gave her hand a squeeze and watched her walk up to the table. I heard them speaking faintly and a few minutes later, she turned around to look at me, a nervous expression on her face. I gave her a reassuring nod then headed over there myself. 

The woman at the table sat there with a bored expression. She looked to be in her 30’s, but the heavy dark circles under her eyes seemed to age her quite a few years.

“Last name?” She said. She didn’t bother to look up at me. 

“Whitlock.”

“Whitlock…” she muttered, flipping through the pages, “Right, Whitlock. Persephone?” 

“Yeah.” 

She crossed my name off the list. “You’re sixteen?”

“Yes.” 

“Okay,” she sighed, “Hold out your hand, please.” She took a small device next to her and clipped it onto my index finger. I winced when I felt the needle prick my skin. She unclipped the device then stamped my wrist with the capitol’s sigil. 

“You can go join your age group, fourth line from the left.”

“Thanks,” I muttered.

She paused, then looked up at me sympathetically, “And um, good luck.”

I nodded and gave her a curt smile before heading over to join my peers. We were arranged by age and gender, boys and girls separate, all standing in rows in front of the stage. I stood waiting, and mindlessly watched the rows slowly multiply. I didn’t know how much time had passed, but soon enough, I looked up at the stage to see a woman in a bright magenta pantsuit. The hem of her skirt was decorated with a flounce of fabric, and she wore a light pink blouse underneath her suit jacket. The front of it contained so many ruffles, you could hardly see her neck. Her hair was pale blonde, and styled in a way that made it look like a cloud sitting on top of her head. Her face was powdered white, save for her blushed cheeks and glossy lipstick. Her lips were absurdly over lined, both painted a shocking fuchsia that closely matched her outfit. She approached the podium with tiny steps and cleared her throat daintily, “Welcome, everyone, to the reaping ceremony for the 59th annual Hunger Games!” People remained silent; the only reaction being a cough from someone in the crowd. She cleared her throat once more, “As always, we shall begin by watching a special film from the capitol, telling us the history and origins of this unique tradition, and to remind us why we are all standing here today.”

At her words, the two televisions turned on to display the Capitol’s sigil. It faded out, and a film about the glorious history of Panem started rolling. I tuned out and stared blankly at the rows of people ahead of me. When the film concluded, Ms. magenta up at the podium clapped enthusiastically. She was the only one. “Oh, wasn’t that wonderful?” She exclaimed, “What a rich history this nation has.” 

I scoffed, that’s one way to put it, I thought. 

“Now, as always- ladies first.” She stuck her hand into the large glass bowl on the right side of the podium and shuffled her hand through the slips of paper before snatching one up. She gingerly unfolded the paper and held it delicately between her index finger and thumb. 

She cleared her throat and read out the name, “Maeve Whitlock.”

I felt my heart stop in my chest.

No. 

My eyes darted through the crowd and I saw people make way for her as she slowly walked to the stage, shaking with every step. Images from my dream flashed through my mind- most poignantly, the image of me watching helplessly, as a dark shadowy figure slashed a knife across my sister’s throat. Panic rose in my chest; my heart beat so loudly in my ears that I barely heard myself shout, “WAIT!” Everyone turned to look at me. My breathing sped up as I suddenly felt at a loss for air, “I volunteer.” I added, my voice cracking slightly, “I volunteer as tribute.” Maeve looked back at me with pleading eyes and shook her head furiously. I avoided her gaze and stared straight ahead as the crowd parted to allow me through to the stage. I paused to grab Maeve’s hand and squeeze it tightly. I cradled the back of her head and planted a kiss atop her forehead. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment as I shakily released her from my grasp and allowed the other girls in the crowd to place a comforting hand on her shoulders as they quietly pulled her away from me. I walked up to the stage and slowly climbed the short flight of steps to then take my place just behind the glass bowl from which my sister’s name was drawn. I can’t believe I’m about to be shepherded to my untimely death because of a stupid glass bowl. I felt my hands getting clammy, and I held to the hem of my dress to keep them from shaking. Ms. Magenta smiled and stepped towards me, “And what is your name, dear?”

“Persephone Whitlock.” I stated.

“And you are…?”

“Her sister.”

“Her sister! Oh, well, of course you are!” she remarked, “Well, that was a very brave thing you just did, Persephone. I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say that this was a truly inspiring moment! Well done! And may the odds be ever in your favor.” she smiled brightly and turned towards the crowd. There were a few measly claps, but they quickly fell silent. “And now, let us draw our male tribute.” She stepped over to the glass bowl on her left and repeated the process. I stared blankly past the rows of people; only when she read the name was my trance broken, “Frederick Weasley.” A tall, redheaded boy emerged from the crowd. I stared as he made his way up to the podium. I recognized him from school. I didn’t know him well, but I knew he had a twin brother- George, I think- who’d lost an ear in a factory accident a few years prior, and was thus ineligible to compete in the Games, as his injury would be an unfair advantage to the other tributes. Apparently, he’d been checking the cogs underneath a broken machine when it somehow turned on and cut his left ear clean off. It was formally reported as an accident, but it’s been rumored that he did it on purpose. There were no witnesses, so no one can say for sure, but if it was intentional, I can’t say I blame him for doing it. There are very few ways you can get out of the games if you’re under 18- something as extreme as losing an ear would certainly fall under that category. I stared at the redhead as he took his place behind the other glass bowl. He was tall, at least 6 foot 4, and seemed to tower over my own 5 foot 10 frame. I’d always thought I was fairly tall for my age, and was used to surpassing most adults in height; but standing next to him, I felt like a child. His entire body was long and lean, but I could tell from the way his shirt clung to him that he was not just skin and bone. He had a well-structured face. Round brown eyes, thin lips, a prominent, romanesque nose; his jaw was clenched as he stared straight ahead and refused to look at me. Him and his brother were known for pulling pranks and cracking jokes at school- there was a strange, impish quality to his features that unintentionally revealed his penchant for mischief. Every inch of his cool, pale skin was covered in freckles. Despite his pallid complexion, his cheeks always seemed to have a slight blush to them that made everything about him appear bright and lively. However, at the present moment, his face had been drained of all colour, save for a rather sickly green tinge. No wonder he doesn’t want to look at me- poor kid looks like he’s about to puke. Ms. Magenta finally stepped forward, “Excellent! We now have our two lovely tributes! Both of whom will now be escorted into the Justice building to await further instructions; Happy Hunger Games, and may the odds be ever in your favor!” And with that, the Capitol’s sigil was once again displayed on the TVs, and its anthem blasted through the speakers. Suddenly, I felt four hands grab me by the arms and forcefully pull me backwards. I stumbled slightly, and looked up to see the two peacekeepers responsible. They continued to pull me across the stage before practically shoving me down the stairs and onto the cobblestone street. From the corner of my eye, I could see that my fellow tribute was receiving the same gentle treatment as they dragged- I’m sorry, escorted him- to the large, looming structure behind us. As they “escorted” me towards the building’s heavy brass doors, I looked back frantically, trying to spot my mother and sister. But the crowd had gotten rowdier, and they were all being jammed together as the peacekeepers continued to push them away from the stage. My breathing quickened, and I could feel the blood pumping through every vein in my body. When we reached the threshold, the brass doors opened to reveal a high-ceilinged marble hall, and a rush of cool air escaped them. So THIS is where all our air-conditioning goes, I thought to myself. Every sound echoed through the building’s marble interior. I craned my neck upwards and tried to take in every opulent detail as I was dragged down a hallway and shoved into a small room, where the peacekeepers finally released me from their vice grip. “Wait here,” one of them said. They both left and shut the door behind them. I massaged my sore upper arms. “You didn’t have to pull me so hard, you know!” I shouted at the door, “not like I was planning on going anywhere!”. I sighed and stepped back from the door. “Assholes,” I muttered to myself. I plopped down onto a green velvet armchair and examined my surroundings. The walls and ceilings were paneled in rich, mahogany wood. The square panels above me were covered in intricate carvings, complementing the elaborate crystal chandelier hanging in the center. While I assumed the floor was wood, it was hard to tell because of the heavy oriental rugs that adorned its surface. There were two large windows behind me, both framed by plush velvet curtains. They were the same emerald green as the chair, and were tied back with a thick, gold rope that had tassels on the end of it, so as to allow in natural light. There was not much furniture in the room aside from two armchairs- one of which I already occupied- a round, wooden coffee table between them, and two empty bookshelves inlaid in the wall on either side of the room. A thin blue vase containing a single white rose sat in the center of the coffee table. The smell of it was unnaturally overpowering. Something about it made me uneasy, so I carefully pushed it to the far side of the table and shifted away from it. I unconsciously started chewing on my lip. I couldn’t sit still. Sitting there shaking my leg, or playing with the hem of my dress, wasn’t helping. I let out a frustrated groan and jolted up from my seat. I continued to chew my lip as I restlessly paced back and forth across the room. The heavy rugs didn’t hide the creaking of the floorboards as I stomped across them. After what felt like hours, I heard the door creak open. I stopped in my tracks and ran to the door to greet my mother before she’d even entered the room. Her and my sister enveloped me in a bone-crushing hug which I eagerly returned. The peacekeeper standing behind them cleared his throat. We slowly let go of each other and turned to face him. “You have ten minutes to say goodbye- not a second more.” he said in a gruff voice. As my mother and sister stepped fully into the room, the peacekeeper roughly shut the door behind them and left. 

END OF PART ONE

a/n: If you’ve made it this far,  1. Hi, I love you 2. Will I write more for this series? To quote John Mulaney, “Who’s to say?”. 

#hunger games #the hunger games #hunger games au #hunger games fanfic #hunger games x harry potter #harry potter #harry potter au #crossover #fanfic #original character #oc #my oc #oc x character #fred weasley x oc #muggle fred weasley #harry potter oc #hunger games oc #fred weasley #harry potter fanfic #harry potter fanfiction #hunger games fanfiction #fred weasley fanfiction #fred weasley fic #fred weasley fanfic #enemies to allies #allies to lovers #tw blood #tw knives #tw injury #tw death

[vampylovesaliens]

Duality - p17

--out of depth

“You’re asking a great deal.” Dre’vik-kha’s eyes narrowed as she regarded Silas, the human shifting uncomfortably under the harsh nature of her gaze. “You’ve only just earned yourself enough trust to walk among us; you really want to push for your kind to be allowed free reign in our jungle? What they haven’t already destroyed, that is.” She clicked irritably, her mandibles flexing and her spine-studded brow furrowing deeply.

Silas cleared his throat awkwardly as he held his head up, making himself hold her stare even though it went against his instincts. “Not free reign; I don’t expect that. I just...thought it might help to soothe tensions if we….er, they...were given permission to do some field work. Right now they’re understandably too tense to risk stepping outside, even without KNOWING you’ll do anything to them, but I thought a compromise would--”

She uttered a growl that silenced him, and for a terrifying moment Silas wondered if he’d made a critical mistake in even bringing up the subject. “A COMPROMISE.” She repeated loudly, her claws flexing at her side as she stepped toward him, one stride already drastically reducing the distance between them as they stood there in her dwelling, her Youngbloods watching silently from the side, knowing better than to interfere. “You ask me to compromise with your kin, who have invaded and destroyed my territory? By all rights, I should be adorning this village with their bones, Silas.” His name dripped from her tongue laced with anger, and Silas scowled. He understood her anger, but at the same time it frustrated him. The stalemate couldn’t go on forever, and since she apparently wouldn’t--or couldn’t--be the one to break it, he knew it was only a matter of time before his people made that move for her.

“So why haven’t you, then? I’m trying to HELP, here.” He lifted his hands placatingly as her eyes flashed at his challenging tone. “I’m just saying, there’s clearly more going on here. You’re not afraid of us, but you won’t start a fight either; I’m just trying to find a way to smooth things out before one starts regardless.”

Dre’vik-kha’s mandibles twitched restlessly, her eyes narrowed dangerously. She closed the distance between them quickly, and Silas flinched reflexively as her claws closed around his neck, his pulse beating frantically against her palm as she took hold of him just firmly enough to be threatening without actually placing pressure on his breathing. “We do not need you to be our savior, Silas. You overestimate your significance.”

He swallowed tensely, the sharp edge of her claws as they rested against the nape of his neck scraping lightly through the fine hairs on his skin. He looked up at her silently, weighing her words as he forced himself to hold her gaze despite the ferocity in her angry eyes, the vivid blue of her irises bright with barely-suppressed emotion. Finally he lowered his gaze again deferentially. “...I’m sorry. You’re...you’re right, I’m not a savior. But still, things can’t stay like this forever.”

“They won’t.” She released him, apparently satisfied with his submission. “I am not sitting here taking no action whatsoever, if you must know. But I am only a Matriarch of one small clan, Silas. I will not endanger my people needlessly, not without support from the Primarchs.” She scoffed, shaking her head as if disappointed--in him, he wondered? “Your kin have not even begun to establish themselves among the galaxy’s other peoples. Do you really think that we are the height of the Yautja civilization, here? You insult us with your platitudes.”

Silas blinked slowly, then shook his head with a grimace. Of course--he felt foolish now, thinking about it properly. She had made reference to the rest of their kind before after all, had talked about their expansive reach through the universe. Of course she would have to communicate to higher-ups somewhere else. Now he found himself wondering if his concern was really so ill-placed; if there was such a powerful force out there then surely their trespassing would be all too simple to obliterate. He grumbled to himself, rubbing his hands over his face to try and soothe the burning in his cheeks; he was embarrassed, frustrated with himself for overlooking what seemed so obvious, but at the same time it didn’t diminish the imminent tension that loomed over them all. When he looked up, Dre’vik-kha had turned away, the irritable rattling in her throat unchanged as she spoke a few curt words in their harsh language to the Youngbloods that had wisely remained out of the conversation. As they turned to leave the dwelling again she looked back at Silas with a withering glare. “You can tell your people they are free to do their research in the land they have already razed down; they may as well make use of it. But they set foot in the jungle at their own risk.” The threat was palpable even without elaboration. “Go report that.”

He didn’t dare to find relief in her...permission, such as it was; there was venom in her tone that made him uneasy. “...Are you sending me away?” He shifted his weight, his hands moving to clutch at the straps of his backpack anxiously. After all his arguing with Maeve he’d finally been granted her clearance to come out here again, only to now worry he’d gone and ruined his standing with the fearsome Matriarch and her kin.

Dre’vik-kha’s eyes narrowed at him. “I’ve afforded you more trust than you deserve, ooman. If you’re as dedicated as you say you are, then make your own choice.” She leered, before turning away briskly to follow the others, leaving Silas standing alone in the house. He fidgeted again, very uneasy with that response; it was a test of some sort but he wasn’t sure what the correct answer was. If he left now to report back...would she take that as a sign he’d been simply using their interaction as a tool to advance the humans’ plot here? But if he followed, would she get angry with his pestering? He chewed his lip, frowning heavily at the problem before he sighed harshly, pulling his backpack off and setting it down with a thump. “Fuck it.” He grumbled, hurrying out the door and onto the elevated walkway, looking around. Thankfully they hadn’t gone far, having just reached the platform for the lift that would take them down to the ground, and so he scrambled to catch up with his boots slipping a bit on the tough, fibrous vines that were woven into the bridge beneath him. “Wait!” He called, despite how pathetic it sounded. But it caught their attention, and Dre-vik’kha’s eyes narrowed skeptically as she watched him approach….but she did not snarl or otherwise give him a sign she did not want him there. She clicked quietly, then gave him a curt nod as he stepped up beside them, her gaze turning away. “Keep up.”

Silas nodded, but even as he braced himself for what would doubtless be a rather grueling pace to keep up with he found himself ill-prepared. The lift took them to the jungle floor, and from there the Matriarch was off at a loping jog, her Youngbloods flanking her like a small pack of deadly wolves in vaguely-humanoid skin that Silas found he was nearly having to sprint to remain in sight of them. And naturally it didn’t take long for his lungs to burn as he pulled at the heavy humid air, his muscles stiffening in protest as he forced his legs to keep churning after them. The worst part was, he was certain that they were already going slower than they normally would, for his sake. He knew it when Rok’aan broke off from the group, doubling back to jog easily at Silas’ side with a chuckle rattling behind his mask. “You don’t run like this much?”

“Not...at full pace…” Silas managed to wheeze, barely avoiding a tree root that broke through ahead of him, but the adjustment took its toll on the rest of his balance and he was force to stagger to a halt, panting as he leaned on a tree and tried to catch his breath and stop the trembling in his legs. He glanced up, watching as Rok’aan disappeared into the humid haze that hung between the trees, his heart sinking even as it hammered against his ribs. “Keep up,” she had said, and he’d failed to do even that. How could she expect anything else, though? He was just a human, and not even a soldier with intensive training. Maybe then her words had been some kind of veiled insult, a taunt knowing full well that he couldn’t manage.

His shirt was sticking to him like a second skin thanks to the moisture in the air and his own sweat, and he could feel it plastering his hair across his brow. He straightened up, cursing under his breath as he simply stripped the garment off, draping it over the raised roots he leant among, baring his chest and raking his hair back from his face. It wasn’t perfect, but it was something. At least the Yautja’s prints were easy enough to follow in this casual jaunt of theirs, claws tearing and pressing distinctly into the soft dirt and moss that blanketed the jungle floor. He took a few more deep breaths to steady himself, before lurching forward to follow those tracks. Maybe he couldn’t “keep up”, but he’d be damned if he gave up.

The tracks wove through the trees and under rocky outcrops he hadn’t seen before, places where the sky opened up overhead because the canopy couldn’t extend over the more rugged, stone-heavy stretch. It was harder to follow the tracks now, as there was less dirt to mark their progress, but as Silas scanned his surroundings he felt reasonably sure where they were headed. The rocky slopes canted downward after a bit, worn tracks from generations-worth of travelers--Yautja and beast alike, from the look of it. It followed a narrow ridge in the ever-steeper crags, which opened up into a deep chamber where Silas found himself having to take a moment to absorb the scene as well as catch his breath again. A great waterfall plummeted down into a lagoon at the bottom, perfectly round, the stone smooth and crisp as it rose in great spires to cradle the falls and funnel the sound.

At the edge of the pool he saw them, Dre’vik-kha and her Youngbloods. They were talking amongst themselves, their armors discarded and set aside as they lingered in the shallow water to cool off from their trek. Silas steadied himself, his jaw flexing tensely before he started down the final stretch of the curving path to meet them, all the effort required to keep him from dragging his boots against the stone in his exhaustion.

“Hey, the ooman actually found us.” Epi’ta-kha was first to spot him, or at least first to openly acknowledge him, raising a hand to wave in a reassuringly friendly manner. “I was starting to worry something would have eaten you along the way.”

“Ooman flesh is too stringy, I would think.” Rok’aan teased, shaking his head and flinging water in spectacular arcs off his tresses. “He’d barely be a toothpick to a Mak-udra’hk.”

“Pretty sure you guys have made these jokes before.” Silas managed a half-hearted chuckle, unable to help but notice that Dre’vik-kha had said nothing, and indeed had not even looked at him yet, kneeling in the shallows and lifting water to her face, her mandibles flaring aside in order to make room for her to pour the cool liquid into her toothy mouth.

Kray-ekh’a let out a low rattle, a sound that Silas felt was both wary but approving overall, and he stepped aside to make room for the young Yautja as he left the water in order to shake off a bit, his tresses slapping across his bare shoulders. He was smaller than the twins but still tall enough it intimidated Silas, who tried to distract himself with a cough and a gesture to the chamber around them, the steady rush of the waterfall loud but not overwhelming, channeled primarily between the sheets of rock that formed its channel. “This place is...breathtaking. Is it natural? The edges all look so clean.”

“It’s said it was created by a species that lived here long before the Yautja, those who left the planet to the Mak-udra’hk. But we can only speculate.” Epi’ta-kha shrugged, stepping out alongside her brother and running her hands through her tresses to strip the water away from the smooth tendrils. Rok’aan was less-graceful, simply shaking himself again and making her hiss in annoyance as he only got more water on her as a result. “We come here for meditation sometimes, or just to relax. It’s soothing, hm?” She nudged Silas as they approached him, the human feeling almost giddy with the anxiety of the powerful aliens that towered over him, their discarded armor leaving them mostly-naked and their muscular builds only more obvious. “We’re going to climb the tower soon, so we can jump off.” Rok’aan’s mandibles flared in a grin as he gestured to the falls, where Silas could now see the sheer face of the cliff was actually studded with ridges and pockets, small ledges and hollow gaps that formed a more-or-less climbable-looking surface….all the way to the top of the waterfall itself. He got a little dizzy trying to look directly up at it from this angle. He guessed it was at least seventy feet, a daunting prospect for a human but the Yautja seemed perfectly casual, playful even. And that was not even regarding the arduous climb to get up there. But even as he weighed the unease Silas could feel his determination solidifying in the back of his mind, especially when he looked to Dre’vik-kha as she finally stood from the shallows, pacing steadily back to her young companions, and found her still solidly ignoring his presence.

“Let’s go.” She spoke curtly, and the Youngbloods clattered and snarled their excitement, leaving Silas behind as they headed for the ‘tower’, as they called it. He scrambled to follow, only to stop abruptly when Kray-ekh’a turned and held out a hand with a warning rumble. “You think you can climb that?” While the question sounded snide, he seemed genuinely curious, raising a thick brow slightly as he eyed the human.

“Er...well, yes.” Silas cleared his throat to shoo away his unease, straightening up confidently and hoping it was enough to convince them--and maybe also himself. Kray-ekh’a studied him skeptically, then shrugged, gesturing vaguely with his claws toward Silas’ boots. “You should leave those. They won’t help you climb. Take only what you need; clothing and armor only hinders.” And with that he turned to step away again after his companions, Rok’aan and Epi’ta-kha already in a furious competition to beat each other to the top of the tower while Dre’vik-kha waited for her son to go ahead of her. Silas frowned uncertainly as he headed to where they’d each left their things, trading the security and coverage of their gear for the toughness of their own hides, save for minimal coverings for the sake of politeness, he assumed. Between the males and females there was little to no dimorphism above the waist--he still wasn’t sure about beneath, but considering they were all still wearing coverings over their groins he assumed there had to be SOMETHING. He was already shirtless, a big move for someone as typically reserved as he was, but now he supposed he had to take it a step further. He set his boots aside, the damp stone warm and solid under his bare feet, and then after a moments’ further hesitation he pulled his heavy cargo pants off as well, folding them and trying not to let his very human self-consciousness creep into his head. At least he was wearing underwear, and didn’t have to deal with being nude in front of strangers--even if they were aliens.

Dre’vik-kha was already climbing after the others when he returned to the tower, steadying himself with a deep breath before he started after them himself. The irregular surface of the stone was at least kind to his smaller stature, allowing him plenty of spaces to grab and find footholds as he started, but the rock was damp and sweat already slicked his skin, making it nerve-wracking as he clambered slowly but steadily after the Yautja. Their strength alone made it an easier task, and their clawed hands and feet made keeping their grip simpler too. But Silas’ blunt phalanges were ill-suited, and he cursed under his breath as he clumsily dragged himself up the stone face. He was already worn out from the run, and he was afraid his legs might give out at any time. His arms trembled as he hauled himself up into a hollowed space in the rock, just enough room to give himself a breather without having to support his entire weight. He craned his neck and he could see the Youngbloods had already disappeared over the top of the tower, still impossibly far away. But looking down felt like he’d already scaled a mountain, and he closed his eyes for a moment to staunch the vertigo that threatened to overwhelm him.

“How’s it going, ooman?” He heard Rok’aan call, only a hint of taunting in his deep, brash voice. Silas sighed tersely, then forced an air of levity into his own before responding, “I’m getting there! You’ve got longer limbs than me, and you had a head start after all…” He heard their chuckles--the Youngblood trios’, at least. Dre’vik-kha stayed silent and that alone was almost enough to push him upward again, his jaw setting tightly as he grasped at the rocky crags. Damn it, he thought to himself, she can’t just ignore me now, after all I’ve done to get on her good side. Surely when he jumped off the waterfall she would have to grant him at least some shadow of respect again, right?

But mind-over-matter could only get him so far. His breath came in ragged gasps, his lungs burning. His muscles screamed in protest as he fought to keep himself supported, barely able to keep his grip and avoid falling, much less ascend further. He kept his mind trained solely on his task, knowing that if he slipped up he’d surely be dead if he fell from this height onto the cold stone. Even the Yautja were muttering quietly amongst themselves, the Youngbloods peering over the edge to watch his progress with what he hoped were looks of concern, but he didn’t dare raise his eyes from watching his own careful hand placements to check. What an idiot, he cursed himself. So desperate to impress these aliens he was going to get himself killed trying to follow them. He was smarter than this, or so he’d thought--

His foot slipped and he gasped, scrabbling frantically for a moment to get a grip again. He looked up--the top of the tower was so close now but this was it, he knew he could go no further and there was no way he could climb back down in his state--he was dead and they were going to witness it.

Or, that’s what his panicked brain ran through before his eyes actually registered, Dre’vik-kha having lowered herself over the side again, expertly bringing herself down closer to him without him even hearing her claws on the rocks. She reached out, his shaking and tenuous grip alleviated when she gripped his arm, hauling him up carefully to where she was. “Are you alright?” She asked, her voice a low rumble as she pulled him closer, bracing him between herself and the rock to give him a chance to rest.

“Uuh.” Silas stammered faintly between his labored breaths, needing a moment to gather his thoughts. Not only because of his near-death experience, but also now because of his position, practically resting against her as she easily clung to the rock wall. “Y-yeah, I think so. I, uh...I thought I was a goner for a second there.”

“I can tell.” She chuffed, her mandibles twitching just above his head. “Can you hold onto me? I will bring you up to the top.”

“Uhhh.” Another vague mumbling of confusion, but Silas lifted his leaden arms and awkwardly hooked them up around her neck, her long tresses falling over them in sleek black cords that shifted smoothly with every move she made. She climbed with ease, and they were at the top before he could even fully process what had happened, the Matriarch lowering him to sit on the level top before she stepped away again and left him with his confusion. The Youngbloods provided a distraction at least, crowding around to voice their approval at how far he’d managed to get, their surprise that he hadn’t fallen off far sooner--and maybe a hint of disappointment that he hadn’t sustained some kind of injury, though at least it was a friendly kind of disappointment, in some strange way. Silas simply sprawled on the flat stone, staring up through the curving barrel of rock that formed the whole chamber at the sky overhead as his mind swam. But finally he felt recollected enough to sit himself up as the Youngbloods left him there, heading for the outcrop that they intended to jump from. Dre’vik-kha stood by to make sure each was ready, letting them bicker amongst themselves for a moment to decide who was going first. Finally Kray-ekh’a won out, the twins falling in line behind him as he stepped up to the edge. He leaned out, far more than any sane person should, according to Silas’ human sensibilities, to look down at the arch of the water that cascaded into the pool far below, before he took a breath, his mandibles folding tight over his mouth, and leaped out into the air. Rok’aan and Epi’ta-kha cheered, their roars and whoops echoing around them as he plummeted out of sight, and Silas heard the clean splash as he hit the water below.

Silas tottered to his feet to come closer as Rok’aan prepared to go next. He did not display Kray-ekh’a’s careful consideration for the action, though, slapping his claws against his bare chest and snarling out his excitement before he launched himself out over the water, Silas peering timidly over the edge just enough to watch as the Yautja boldly remained spread-eagle in the air until the last second when he pulled himself together tightly in order to pierce the water neatly, resurfacing a short distance off to join Kray-ekh’a already in the shallows again.

“You’re really going to do this? You’re braver than you look.” Epi’ta-kha teased him briefly, before turning with a flick of her long tress and taking a running start, her body arching powerfully as she swan-dived down toward the lagoon, her body streamlined perfectly to cut through the water, surfacing again with a sweep of her arms that sent water splashing in a cascade over her brother and Kray-ekh’a, who laughed and growled in playful protest.

Dre’vik-kha looked to Silas, who inched forward to regard the full drop. His stomach sank at the distance, his head reeling as he swayed nervously. “Scared?” Dre’vik-kha spoke, but she was not taunting him, her spiny brow furrowed curiously as she studied him with her ever-intent glare.

“Yes.” Silas nodded breathlessly, not ashamed to admit it. “I, uh...I’ve never done something like this. Well, once, when I was a kid, but it was…a much smaller distance.” He looked up at her, smiling halfheartedly. “I’m afraid I’m gonna fuck it up and hurt myself, heh.”

“When you jump, fold your arms in tightly like this.” She demonstrated, crossing her arms across her chest. “Point your feet down and keep your legs tight together. Exhale as you reach the water, and you’ll do just fine. I’ll follow you down right after, anyway; I’ll help you.” She dipped her head slightly, her eyes no less fierce and studious but her tone uncharacteristically softened.

Silas nodded, licking his lips before he looked to the jump again. There was no backing out now. Was he really brave enough for this? He wasn’t sure if it counted, but it felt nice to think that way. He closed his eyes, steeling himself, and then with all the strength left in his shattered legs he took two long strides and then leaped, giving himself plenty of room to avoid the rocky wall behind the waterfall itself.

For a moment it didn’t even feel like he was falling; the water that rushed at his back felt like it was standing still with him, save for the air that rushed around his face. The fear that had built in him had burst like a balloon as soon as his feet left the ground, and now his heartbeat thundered in his ears louder than the roaring water, a strange sense of elation flooding him now. His arms pressed tight across his chest and he closed his eyes as the lagoon below approached, a dark blue hole that glittered in the mist from the falls like the eye of some ancient primeval alien god. He exhaled forcefully as he felt his feet breach, time dragging as if it had been slowed and allowing him to feel every inch of the water that covered him as he plunged down into it, the end of his exhalation exploding in bubbles around his face as his descent was finally slowed and he collected himself, reality closing like the water over his head until he woke up and floundered his way to the surface.

He sucked in a deep breath as he came up, the sound of the roaring falls clarified once again above the surface and joined with the celebratory howling of the Youngbloods who were applauding him, of all people. He couldn’t help the stupid grin that split his face, the elated feeling still lingering and giving him the strength to paddle forward to the shallower water while Dre’vik-kha dove behind him, the ripples from her impact propelling him forward easily.

“I didn’t think you had it in you.” Rok’aan’s claws scratched against Silas’ skin as his sodden hair was roughly tousled under the Yautja’s hand. “Well done, little ooman.”

“Well done.” The words were echoed by Dre’vik-kha as she emerged behind him, shaking the water from her tress and letting it run from her maw again before she focused down on Silas, her expression softening again. He didn’t understand it entirely; the Yautja customs and the way they addressed and acknowledged each other was still something he hadn’t researched thoroughly enough. But his stubbornness, despite the stupidity of it--or maybe because of it, he wasn’t sure--had somehow warmed her to him again. He certainly wasn’t going to complain about that.

Especially if it meant he could get close to her again--that train of thought caught him off guard. He brushed it off hastily at least, busying himself with wringing the water out of his hair and attempting to do the same for his underwear without having to strip it off. He wasn’t really sure what that kind of thinking meant, but he didn’t feel equipped to tackle it now, especially when he realized they were going to have to get back to the village somehow and he wasn’t sure he’d be capable of walking, much less running, anytime soon. But thankfully the Yautja seemed keen to relax a while too, reclining among the rocks around the pool’s edge as they chattered amongst themselves, Dre’vik-kha perched on a boulder nearby to dry off.

Silas on the other hand felt he could do with some more soaking, his tired muscles soothed by the cool but not chilly water as he sprawled in the shallows. Staring up at the window of sky above, he exhaled heavily, another smile pulling at his mouth. Maybe this planet was making him crazy after all; he had never been one to take risks or do anything as daredevil as what he’d just done. And certainly never for the sake of anyone else, except perhaps Maeve. But as he closed his eyes to let himself recover a bit, he thought of how Dre’vik-kha had looked at him, coming to help him there on the side of the rock wall when he’d for a second been certain that he was going to die. The warmth of her tough, scarred skin as she’d let him hold onto her, hanging against her chest as she brought him to the top of the tower.

He couldn’t even remember the fear now.

#my writing #duality #alien #yautja #predator #avp #fanfic #Silas #human #Dre'vik-kha

[sierraraeck]

Break (Pt.1)

BAU x OC Aundreya

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Summary: As the situation for Spencer in prison continues to get worse, Aundreya has to come up with something to save him and fast. Story fourteen.

Category: Angst.

Warnings: Cussing. Mentions of drugs and homicide. Sexualized comments.

Word Count: 4.0k

A/N: Just a reminder that I don’t actually know how prisons work.

All bad things happen at 3am.

I am convinced.

If you can get to 4am, you are in the clear, but until then, 3am is coming to bite you in the ass.

The last time I got a call at 3am, it was to inform me that Derek’s cousin was missing and we had to save her.

This time, it was to let me know that Spencer was in critical condition in the prison infirmary.

I was the first one at the office other than Hotch who made the calls. The rest of the team wasn’t too far behind me, all walking in with the utmost sense of urgency.

Except for Derek.

Who was pissed.

“I thought you said that those things were going to help him!” he spat in my direction. Derek, Aaron, and I had kept our promise on not telling the rest of the team how bad of a condition Spencer was in, and I didn’t let either of them in on my plan with the chains and fake backstory until Derek figured it out and told Aaron.

The rest of the team stopped in their tracks to try and understand what he was talking about. “Yes, they were supposed to and they have for weeks,” I replied, attempting to stay calm.

“That’s not good enough. Instead of protecting him, you put a target on his back,” he accused.

“Woah, calm down-” Prentiss tried.

“I am not going to calm down! Reid got stabbed, Emily. He almost died! And it’s because of her,” he said, turning his fiery gaze on me again.

“That is not fair,” I dropped my voice almost to a whisper and my nostrils were flaring.

“Oh really? Because I think that those guys wouldn’t have made an elaborate plan to kill him if he’d just kept his head down. Those bracelets of yours drew attention to him and they probably hurt him only to get back at you for whatever the hell you did to them,” he said. His voice was cold and dry, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was right. If Spencer would have been better off without me altogether. The answer had to be yes.

I was thankful for Emily’s persistence to understand because she saved me from having to respond. “What are you talking about?”

“Chambers here went to visit Reid. She gave him those bracelets and rings of hers that identify her as The Figure, or the gang-slash-ring leader or whatever. She told him to wear them and to ‘drop the innocent act’ and to tell other inmates that he was associated with her. Look where that got him.”

“It’s not her fault, Morgan. That could have happened to him either way, and it could have happened sooner had he not had those with him,” Prentiss tried. She was one of the best people who could get through to Morgan, but this time, it didn’t seem to be working.

“Or it could have not happened at all. I guess we’ll never know considering she continues to make decisions about his safety without input from the rest of us,” he hissed.

“You’re right, we won’t know,” Hotch said, emerging from his office. “All we have now is that it happened and we have to move on and try to do what’s best for him. Which includes working together to solve this case and get his name cleared. Understand?”

Derek sent one more dagger through me with his eyes before looking up at Hotch, “Yes.”

“Chambers?”

“Yes.”

“Great. Rossi is on his way to visit Reid and update us along the way. The rest of us need to look harder at this case,” Hotch said.

We all headed up to meet him in the briefing room and Prentiss quickly caught up to me. “Hey, it’s not your fault. Don’t let him make you feel bad about it. You were just trying to help.”

“Thanks Emily, but he’s right. I wasn’t being helpful,” I let out a small sigh and shook my head, “and it never seems like I am.”

With that, we entered the room and got to work.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

“So all we have is Reid talking to Corbyn Young, a kid who was a part of Aundreya’s ring who ended up dead only hours after Reid talked to him because he thought Corbyn was stalking him, and a sketchy message from someone who she’s pissed off?” JJ confirmed, gesturing my way.

Morgan scoffed under his breath, “Yeah, that really narrows it down.” I didn’t even bother to glare at him.

“Chambers, can you think of anyone in particular that would do something this intricate?” Hotch asked.

“Yes. Like half of the people from my past,” I said, confirming what Morgan stated. Hotch sighed.

“We’ve been going over all of this and looking into more angles for weeks and we are no closer to getting him out that we were when we started,” JJ huffed.

“This sonuvabitch is thorough,” Morgan said.

I sat there going over every single person I thought was capable of doing this, hoping I could think of anyone other than who I’d already suspected.

My train of thought was interrupted by a phone ringing.

“Yes?” Hotch answered. There was a mumbling on the other line before Hotch paused and said, “He’s going to be fine. He just woke up.” A collective sight spread throughout the room. “Yeah… Are you sure?... Anything else we need to know?... What do you think?... Sure… Yes, that is true… I’ll let her know. Thanks Dave.” With that, he hung up and turned to look at me. “He wants to see you.”

“What?” Derek, JJ and I all blurted at the same time.

Hotch and Prentiss exchanged an unreadable look.

“Head down there. We will continue without you,” is all he told me. I nodded, and quickly scanned the reactions around me. Confusion, disgust, betrayal, concern. A mixture of some or all of those.

But there wasn’t much time to think through it. I just left the remaining five of them to their work and headed for the prison.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

“Hey Doctor Genius,” I said as I slipped into the infirmary. Rossi was sitting in a chair next to him.

“Hey,” he said, sitting further up.

“I thought we agreed that this wouldn’t happen again,” I playfully scolded. He quirked one side of his mouth up.

“I guess you’re just gonna have to keep showing up to help me,” he said. It was meant to be a joke, and I knew that the time he got shot wasn’t what he was trying to get at, but it was all I could think about when he said ‘help me.’ I vividly remembered what happened the last time I offered to help him.

But I played along. “Maybe I should start charging.”

“Hey, that’s my line,” Rossi accused. I let a small laugh escape my lips as Rossi got up to leave. “I’ll be back.”

Once he left, I occupied the seat he’d just vacated. “Darrell?”

“Yeah.”

“And his two friends?”

“Yeah.”

“Where?”

Instead of answering, he exposed his stomach to me. There were two wounds with stitches through them. One was just to the left of his belly button and the other was just above it, forming a line about two inches long. If I had to guess, the scar ended right where his ribs started.

“They compliment your other one,” I commented.

“Thanks,” he said, covering himself back up.

We sat in silence for a while before the question I’d had for almost two months starting nagging at the back of my mind. I wanted to wait for the right time to ask, but I really didn’t think that would ever come. So I just went for it.

“How was your date with Maeve?”

He was thrown for a loop. His eyes got wide and he furrowed his brow. Clearly this was not the question he was expecting. “It was fine.”

“Fine? That’s all?” I gave him an encouraging smile.

“I showed up, she almost got all the way to the restaurant when I thought I saw her stalker.”

“Her stalker?” I was astonished. He’d never mentioned this before.

“Oh. Yeah. That’s why we didn’t plan to meet sooner and why I have to call her on payphones. It’s because she has a stalker,” he tried to sound matter-of-fact, but I detected the disappointment behind the statements.

“Oh Spence,” I said. His nickname just slipped out and he noticed, but I kept going. “I’m so sorry. What made her wanna meet, then?”

“She thought they were gone. She thought she was in the clear, but when I showed up, there was a man who just kept looking over at me and I got worried and called it off.”

“I’m so sorry,” I repeated.

“Me too,” he said, dropping his gaze.

“Is there anything I can do?” I offered. It was a long shot, but I figured I might as well put it out there.

“What do you mean?”

“I just mean that you haven’t been able to contact her for weeks, and she’s got to be worried. If I can call or check up on her…” I trailed off, not really knowing what I’d do. I was hoping he had an idea.

“Um, I don’t know. I don’t want her to know about … this,” he said.

“I understand that. I can leave that part out and just assure her you’re okay and that you didn’t just fall off of the face of the Earth,” I suggested.

“Yeah. I guess. I just don’t know how she’d feel about me giving her number to someone else, you know?”

It was a valid point and I could tell he was conflicted. “It’s up to you. I will do whatever you want.”

He sat there pondering before answering, “No. As much as I don’t want her to worry, I won’t risk her safety.”

“Okay. That’s a good choice,” I said, granted, I would have agreed with his decision either way.

“Do you guys have anything?” he asked.

I tried to ignore how desperate his eyes were when I replied, “We’re working on it.”

“Okay.”

“But I have a plan,” I said. His eyes snapped right back to mine. “Please, just hold on for a little bit longer.”

“What are you thinking?”

“I’m going to get you out of here,” I whispered.

Realization struck his eyes. “Don’t. It’s not worth it.”

“Of course it is. I will be in and out,” I promised.

“You could get caught,” he pleaded.

“I won’t. They didn’t catch me the first time, they won’t catch us the second time.”

“Us?” his level of concern was on the rise.

“I’ve got a round trip ticket and you’ve got a one-way out.”

“It’s a bad idea.”

“It’s the best one we have.”

“There’s got to be a better way,” he breathed.

“I’m not sure there is. And I’d rather have us both be on the run than leave you in here and have you end up dead, knowing I could have done something more.” He had nothing to say to that, so I finished with, “One of those situations you can get out of, the other one you can’t. Buying you, and the team, more time to clear your name is the best case scenario.”

I saw his eyes flick towards the door and I turned around to see Rossi approaching.

I rushed, “Don’t worry about it. Just keep yourself in here and in solitary as long as you can. I’m coming to get you.”

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

I signed myself up to go back to my least favorite place on Earth.

Prison.

The problem was, that if I was going to break him out, I very well couldn’t do it as a visitor. I would have to become a bit more involved. As much as I didn’t want to, being an inmate again was going to be the easiest way in and out.

That being siad, I had to do something that would warrant me going to prison, without being something super extreme like murder. White collar crimes would take too long to set up, so I was thinking theft? Vandalism? Destruction of private property? Trespassing? Drug dealing?

While those were all viable options, I had one that seemed even better. Or maybe worse. But definitely quicker, more effective, and immediately on hand.

Assaulting an FBI agent.

Granted, I was an FBI agent, so it might seem more like a workplace quarrel, but I went into it with a Plan A, a Plan B, and of course a Plan C.

I arrived back at the office, but waited in the parking lot for my text to be delivered.

It only took a couple of minutes before Derek Morgan was exiting the building, approaching me at a rapid pace.

“I got your text, what’s up?”

“Hit me.” It was a simple command but one that obviously didn’t make sense to him.

“What?” Derek’s eyes got wide.

“Hit me!” I said louder, as if my volume change would help him understand. When he continued to look at me dumbfoundedly, I blew an irritated breath out of my nose, then hit him right in his perfectly chiseled jaw. It kinda hurt. “I said hit me!”

As he recovered, he turned around and tossed a fist at my head, which I easily ducked under. I was honestly surprised he was willing to come at me after only one punch, but I guess his anger and disgust for getting his younger brother hurt overpowered his usually clean conscience. That, or my commanding and urgent tone really convinced him to do what I asked. Potentially both.

“Oh come on, Derek,” I taunted, “That can’t possibly be your best.”

He wiggled his jaw, but took a step back. “I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I am not going to do this.” I guess he’s stronger than I thought.

He turned to walk away, but I came up behind him and swept his legs out from under him. He landed on his ass and had the wind knocked out of him.

“The first rule of fighting is to never turn your back to your opponent,” I said with a condescending tone. I gave him room to stand up, which he quickly utilized, turning to face me.

“Why are you doing this?” he asked me. It’s as if the asphalt stripped him of his anger in addition to his breath.

“Because I figured I’d have the most fun kicking your ass,” I replied. I went in for my second strike and he moved out of the way, catching my fist in his. I pivoted away and elbowed him in the ribs with my free arm.

I don’t want to hurt you too badly, I thought, but I need to fuel you enough so you’ll fight back.

He grunted but tossed me away from him, putting his foot out in the process causing me to trip. The sting of the pavement left nice tears in my pants right over my already bleeding knees.

“No need to hold back, Derek,” I grumbled, “I thought I already warned all of you to never go easy on me.” He could have hit me with no problem, but he opted to trip me instead. I couldn’t have any of that if my plan was going to be successful.

“Why are you doing this?” he repeated.

I pushed off from my hands so I was standing, brushing the little rocks out of my palms and raised my eyebrows, “I deserve it, don’t I?”

I didn’t give him time to answer because I went in for a kick. I made contact with his shoulder which made him stumble backwards.

“Huh?” was all he could manage.

I went in for another kick, aimed at his right shoulder this time, and only barely made contact before he grabbed my ankle with his strong hands. He held me firmly where I was, and I almost wanted to smile at the opportunity. It was a move I had mastered, but hadn’t performed in a long time. I pushed off of my other leg, springing into the air and completing a 360 turn. Usually, I’d kick the other person in the face as I went, but I didn’t want to do too much damage to Derek. That wasn’t my main goal. Instead, I kicked over his head, but the movement was strong enough to break his grip on my other ankle. I landed one foot after the other, returning to a typical fighting stance and read the look of astonishment in his eyes.

I persisted, “I mean, I’ve hurt people. Killed people. I’m no better than the murderers we hunt. I’ve been manipulating all of you, getting you to trust me for my own benefit, and look how that’s ended up. Some kind of profilers you guys are, letting a grade A criminal join your unit, then letting her rip you apart right under your noses. I’ve caused nothing but trouble for all of you since the day I joined. I almost got your best friend killed. Can you imagine that? Being shoved against the wall, the blade dripping with his blood. Slowly bleeding out on the floor of his dark cell, wondering if he was gonna die alone in a place he didn’t belong, having that be his lasting legacy. I mean, I was the only reason they targeted him. You said it yourself. I’m the reason he’s in prison in the first place,” I said deliberately, making sure to emphasize each word, letting the weight behind them sink in. I could feel him winding up and it brought a curl to my lips. If there was one thing I knew how to do, it was act deranged and sound enticed by the idea of Spencer’s blood on the floor, hoping it would be enough.

And it was.

I saw his foot shift forward an inch or two before his fist followed. This time, I let him hit me.

My head snapped to the far right. It was a dizzying feeling, and it almost forced me off my feet.

I cackled as I turned to look at him, bringing the back of my hand to my mouth to wipe the sticky blood from my lips. The sight and smell, the whole atmosphere of fighting, brought back memories of my worst days, but honestly some of my proudest moments. I hated myself for it, but I meant it when I said, “I forgot how exhilarating this is.”

The look on his face was one I’d only ever seen him wear when staring down an unsub. I reveled in the fact that not only was my plan working, it was working perfectly. I decided I’d rip that disgusted look of his face, going in for a punch I knew he’d dodge, instead making contact with my knee at the base of his throat. I heard him cough and bring a hand to his neck, but by now, I had his adrenaline pumping. He brought his other fist up and made full contact with the center of my stomach before following it up with a strike to my face.

We were both clutching at our most recent sore spots, my eye socket throbbing, preparing for the next blow when the doors behind me blew open.

“What the hell is going on out here?” Hotch hollered.

I turned to look at him, and realized that the entire team had followed. I glanced above their heads and noticed the camera there. Garcia must’ve been watching. I accounted that they’d get us on camera, noting that I initiated it and he resisted, but I didn’t anticipate having a live audience.

Before either of us could answer, Derek came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, attempting to restrain me.

“First rule of fighting: never turn your back on your opponent.”

“Second rule: make sure you have the proper grip.” I clasped my hands together and brought both of my elbows down into his ribcage, then shot my hands up into his face. It pushed his weight slight backwards, and while he still had a pretty good hold on me, it faltered only for a second. But that was all the time I needed.

I pushed my arms against his while forcing my spine into his chest. It created even more wiggle room, enough that I could turn and face him. He grabbed my wrists, and I wrapped my hands around his in return. I tossed my whole body weight towards the ground while driving my heel into his shin, forcing his weight toward me. Before he could land on top of me though, I put my other foot up, centered on his torso, and flipped him clean over me. It was the second time I knocked the wind out of him, and I kipped-up to standing.

I could have easily kicked the shit out of him at this point, but the look of horror on sweet Penelope’s face stopped me from completely losing myself. Had I not looked away, I wouldn’t have been able to follow through on my plan. My plan to save Spencer. That’s what I was repeating over and over in my head, convincing myself this was the right thing to be doing.

I planted a single foot on top of his chest, and looked down at him.

“Why are you doing this?” he pleaded, but this time it was different. He was no longer asking me why, he knew why, he was now asking me why I thought this was the best solution.

“I have to.” It was the best, and really the only, explanation I had.

I heard Hotch approach us and I turned to him, drawing my gun.

He halted in his tracks, and Rossi and the ladies behind him gasped.

“Aundreya, what are you doing?”

“Cuff me.” It was a similar command to the one I gave to Derek only minutes earlier.

“You want me to cuff you?” Aaron confirmed.

I fired into the air, then tossed my gun toward him, watching it slide on the ground with a screech before being stopped by his rubber soles.

“It’s protocol. I’ve assaulted an FBI agent and I pulled my gun on you, even firing off a shot. Cuff me.”

He slowly continued his path to me, all the while pulling his cuffs from his pocket.

Derek stood up and helped restrain me as Hotch linked the cuffs behind me. He ushered me by the frozen agents, and it was like I could see the gears spinning in their heads.

Once he got me through the entry doors, he whispered, “There was a better way. We were going to solve it.”

I knew I could count on him to put it together that quickly. He always did do the best job reading me. “You still have to. This is only a temporary solution.”

“Why?”

I was getting really tired of that question. If I never heard it again it would be too soon.

Other security guards were rushing down to detain me and move me to a temporary jail before transferring me to a prison. I quickly said under my breath, “If I don’t, he’s going to be dead before the end of the week. Then we will never save him. Do me one favor, and get me transferred to the same prison.”

He nodded as he handed me off to a bunch of guards in white uniforms. I gave him one single nod before turning away, awaiting my new cell; my new home.

Part 2

Series Taglist (open)

@justanothetfangirl

@kris-stuff

@blameitonthenight21

#criminal minds fanfic #aundreya chambers #bau x oc #spencer x oc #criminal minds #cm #criminal minds fandom #criminal minds fanfiction #bau #behavioral analysis unit #dr spencer reid #spencer reid #reid #derek morgan #morgan #aaron hotchner #hotch #david rossi #rossi #emily prentiss #prentiss #penelope garcia #garcia #jennifer jareau #jj

[jezfletcher]

1000 Albums, 2020: The Big Lists

Hey folks, I’ve written up my top albums and my top tracks of 2020, but there’s so much music released in a year, and restricting myself to just 30 albums, and 50 tracks is a difficult task.

As a result, I’ve compiled a longer list of my top tracks and albums (without write-ups), for your perusal. This is obviously more for the sake of completeness, but are here in case you’re interested in finding out if I at all rated something you liked this year (or, if you’re Sam, if you want to actually do a detailed comparison).

Want playlists? I’ve got playlists for you too:

My Top 50 Countdown - which I posted yesterday. This provides a sorted countdown of my top tracks from #1 to #50. (50 tracks)

My Top Tracks - a longer list of all the tracks I really rated highly this year. This accounts for a much larger number of artists, and includes most of the tracks I’ve listed below. (169 tracks)

My Top Tracks & Albums - a playlist containing all my top tracks, plus selections from all of my favourite albums of the year. (216 tracks)

My Top Tracks, Albums + Much, Much More - Are you game? Contains a huge, varied collection of music that we listened to this year. I really enjoyed all these tracks, and they provide a much broader collection of albums, artists and genres. (1,014 tracks)

Anyway, without further ado here’s my Top 200 Tracks, and Top 100 Albums:

Top Albums of 2020

100. Winnetka Bowling League - Congratulations (power pop)

99. Locate S, 1 - Personalia (art pop)

98. Dua Lipa - Future Nostalgia (pop)

97. LukHash - Transient Offworld (synthwave)

96. The Drowns - Under Tension (street punk)

95. The Mystic Underground - Wrapped in Riddles (electro disco)

94. Jonathan Wilson - Dixie Blur (Americana noir folk)

93. Mighty Oaks - All Things Go (indie folk rock)

92. Kiesza - Crave (synthpop)

91. Dance Gavin Dance - Afterburner (post hardcore)

90. The O’Reillys and the Paddyhats - Dogs on the Leash (Celtic punk)

89. Warm Digits - Flight of Ideas (krautrock)

88. Dandelion Wine - Le Cœur (Australio dreamfolktronica)

87. Marc Scibilia - Seed of Joy (indie singer-songwriter)

86. Biffy Clyro - A Celebration of Endings (Scottish indie rock)

85. Savant - Void (complextro)

84. Cordovas - Destiny Hotel (Americana folk)

83. TTRRUUCES - TTRRUUCES (wonky pop)

82. The Claudettes - High Times in the Dark (Chicago piano blues)

81. Dustbowl Revival - Is It You, Is It Me (post country)

80. Sea Wolf - Through a Dark Wood (indie folk rock)

79. Cory Wong - The Striped Album (funk rock)

78. Someone - ORBIT II (psych pop)

77. Days N’ Daze - Show Me The Blueprints (H-town thrashgrass)

76. Blossoms - Foolish Loving Spaces (indie pop)

75. Kyros - Celexa Dreams (prog synth rock)

74. Dub Pistols - Addict (dub)

73. Grimes - Miss Anthropocene (dreampop)

72. The Hanging Stars - A New Kind of Sky (psychedelic folk)

71. Neon Trees - I Can Feel You Forgetting Me (indie pop)

70. The Corner Laughers - Temescal Telegraph (folk pop)

69. 3D Stas - Eleven (soiltronica)

68. Pantayo - Pantayo (kulingtang gong pop)

67. The National Parks - Wildflower (folk rock)

66. Pigeon John - Gotta Good Feeling (underground rap)

65. Novo Amor - Cannot Be, Whatsover (indie folk rock)

64. The Explorers Club - The Explorers Club (sunshine pop)

63. Poppy - I Disagree (bubblegum metal)

62. Overcoats - The Fight (indie pop)

61. Chemtrails - The Peculiar Smell of the Inevitable (psychedelic garage pop)

60. Joywave - Possession (indie pop)

59. Heart Bones - Hot Dish (indie pop)

58. Mitochondrial Sun - Mitochondrial Sun (darktronica)

57. L.A. Salami - The Cause of Doubt & A Reason To Have Faith (post blues)

56. Car Seat Headrest - Making a Door Less Open (alt rock)

55. Tunng - Dead Club (folktronica)

54. Butch Walker - American Love Story (glam rock)

53. Polly Scattergood - In This Moment (experimental pop)

52. The Beautiful Fear - The Waltz of the Moonshine Blind (prog rock)

51. The Altogether - Silo (acoustic pop rock)

50. KES - We Home (Trinidadian soca)

49. Man Man - Dream Hunting in the Valley of the In-Between (experimental rock)

48. Creeper - Sex, Death & The Infinite Void (horror punk)

47. Darlingside - Fish Pond Fish (indie folk)

46. Enter Shikari - Nothing Is True & Everything Is Possible (electronicore)

45. Trixie Mattel - Barbara (drag country)

44. City Mouth - Coping Machine (indie pop rock)

43. Bright Eyes - Down In The Weeds Where The World Once Was (indie rock)

42. The Texas Gentlemen - Floor It!!! (heartland rock)

41. Will Wood - The Normal Album (cabaret rock)

40. Maeve Gilchrist - The Harpweaver (harp folk)

39. rook&nomie - me&you (experimental pop)

38. Steep Canyon Rangers & Asheville Symphony - Be Still Moses (orchestral bluegrass)

37. Fiona Apple - Fetch the Bolt Cutters (art pop)

36. Sea Girls - Open Up Your Head (indie pop rock)

35. Michael Franti & Spearhead - Work Hard & Be Nice (reggae fusion)

34. Oneohtrix Point Never - Magic Oneohtrix Point Never (experimental electronica)

33. Ultrahappyalarm - Critical Daydream (happy hardcore)

32. The Living Tombstone - zero_one (Israeli electro rock)

31. The Flaming Lips - American Head (psychedelic rock)

30. Saint Saviour - Tomorrow Again (experimental folk)

29. Post Animal - Forward Motion Godyssey (psychedelic rock)

28. The Jerry Cans - Echoes (Inuit neo-folk)

27. Aloud - Sprezzaturra (blues rock)

26. The Phenomenal Handclap Band - PHB (psychedelic soul)

25. Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit - Reunions (alt country)

24. Badly Drawn Boy - Banana Skin Shoes

23. MOBS - Cinema Paradiso (80s pastiche pop)

22. Jason Wilson - Sumach Roots (eclectic folk)

21. DMA’s - The Glow (Australio indie rock)

20. Cornershop - England Is A Garden (chamber psych)

19. Igorrr - Spirituality and Distortion (baroque breakcore)

18. Eleventyseven - Basic Glitches (synthpunk)

17. Kate Rusby - Hand Me Down (indie folk)

16. Indigo Girls - Look Long (folk rock)

15. Another Sky - I Slept On The Floor (indie rock)

14. Courteeners - More. Again. Forever (post britpop)

13. Dutty Moonshine Big Band - City of Sin (jazztronica)

12. Nelson Kempf - Family Dollar (art folk)

11. Beans on Toast - The Inevitable Train Wreck (drunken folk rock)

10. Joe Wong - Nite Creatures (baroque pop)

9. Luis Pestana - Rosa Pano (experimental electronica)

8. Sufjan Stevens - The Ascension (art pop)

7. MisterWives - Superbloom (indie pop)

6. Lola Marsh - Someday Tomorrow Maybe (Israeli noir pop)

5. Dyble Longdon - Between a Breath and a Breath (chamber folk)

4. Hugo Kant - Far From Home (downtempo nu-jazz)

3. The Lemon Twigs - Songs For The General Public (alt rock)

2. King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard - K.G. (microtonal psychedelic rock)

1. Ada Rook - 2,020 Knives (electropop concrète)

Top Tracks of 2020

200. Sea Wolf - Forever Nevermore (indie rock) 199. Steep Canyon Rangers & The Asheville Symphony - Easy to Love (orchestral bluegrass) 198. Dandelion Wine - Too Late She Cried (experimental pop) 197. Aloud - Oh Danny (blues rock) 196. Car Seat Headrest - Weightlifters (anti-folk) 195. Michael Franti & Spearhead - I Can Still Feel You (reggae fusion) 194. Dance Gavin Dance - Lyrics Lie (post hardcore) 193. Post Animal - Post Animal (psychedelic rock) 192. La Oreja de Van Gogh - Menos Tú (Spanish indie folk) 191. The Hanging Stars - Heavy Blue (cosmic country) 190. Oneohtrix Point Never - Long Road Home (experimental electronica) 189. Will Wood - I / Me / Myself (cabaret rock) 188. Butch Walker - You Gotta Be Just Who You Are (glam rock) 187. Brothers Osborne - Muskrat Greene (country) 186. Tycho - Easy (downtempo IDM) 185. The Altogether - Brown of Gold (acoustic pop rock) 184. Dua Lipa - Cool (pop) 183. Circa Waves - Jacqueline (indie dance rock) 182. Sangatsu No Phantasia - Rendezvous (Japanese pop rock) 181. Moonchild Sanelly - Bashiri (South African future ghetto punk) 180. Needshes - Love (Uzbek indie pop) 179. The Explorers Club - Ruby (sunshine pop) 178. Osi & the Jupiter - Appalachia (pagan folk) 177. Thievery Corporation - The Forgotten People (Symphonik Version) (orchestral world triphop) 176. Enter Shikari - Marionettes (I. The Discover of Strings) (electronicore) 175. Zuzu - How It Feels (pop rock) 174. Los Mocosos - Viva Los Mocosos (latin funk) 173. DJ Plead - Going For It (mahraganat) 172. Igorrr - Camel Dancefloor (baroque breakcore) 171. Someone - Pull It Together (psych pop) 170. Dizzee Rascal - You Don’t Know (grime) 169. The Corner Laughers - The Accepted Time (power pop) 168. The Claudettes - 24/5 (rock and/or roll) 167. The Ballroom Thieves - Tenebrist (neo Americana) 166. Joe Wong - Day After Day (baroque pop) 165. Porter Robinson - Something Comforting (complextro) 164. Jason Wilson - Happy Little Sisyphus (indie folk) 163. Jason Isbell & the 400 Unit - Be Afraid (alt country) 162. Hayley Williams - Dead Horse (indie pop) 161. Badly Drawn Boy - I Need Somebody to Trust (indie pop rock) 160. Bleached - Stupid Boys (bubblegrunge) 159. Man Man - Lonely Beuys (experimental rock) 158. Dustbowl Revival - Dreaming (neo Americana) 157. The Texas Gentlemen - Easy St. (neo Americana) 156. Maeve Gilchrist - The Storm (harp folk) 155. The Drowns - Them Rats (street punk) 154. Mr. B The Gentleman Rhymer - Frolicholic (chap hop) 153. Zutomayo - Obenkyou Shitoiteyo (Japanese jazz rock) 152. Jonathan Wilson feat. Mark O’Connor - ‘69 Corvette (Americana noir folk) 151. Dub Pistols feat. Natty Campbell - Sound Sweet (dub DnB) 150. Cordovas - I’ma Be Me (Americana folk) 149. The Birthday Massacre - Enter (gothic darkwave) 148. KIDS - The Mourn (indie rock) 147. Kyros - Rumour (prog synth rock) 146. Paul Heaton & Jacqui Abbott - A Good Day Is Hard To Find (pop rock) 145. The O’Reillys and the Paddyhats - James Brian (Celtic punk) 144. The Fizz - The World We Left Behind (MOR pop) 143. Beans on Toast - World Gone Crazy (indie folk) 142. Liraz - Shab Gerye (arab groove) 141. 47 Soul feat. Shadia Mansour & Fedzilla - Border Ctrl (Palestinian shamstep) 140. 3D Stas - Dislocated Minds (soiltronica) 139. Bright Eyes - Tilt-A-Whirl (indie folk rock) 138. Darlingside - Ocean Bed (indie folk) 137. Once and Future Band - Freaks (psych pop) 136. Prizm - We Were Young (synthpop) 135. Z Berg - To Forget You (dreamfolk) 134. L.A. Salami - Things Ain’t Changed (post blues) 133. Kero Kero Bonito - It’s Bugsnax! (hyperpop) 132. Days N’ Daze - Addvice (thrashgrass) 131. Sufjan Stevens - Tell Me You Love Me (art pop) 130. Fiona Apple - Shameika (art rock) 129. Dutty Moonshine Big Band feat. HypeMan Sage - Big Band Fam (jazztronica) 128. Five Finger Death Punch - Leave It All Behind (nu metal) 127. Sundara Karma - Artifice (art pop) 126. TTRRUUCES - Lost Boy (wonky pop) 125. Theory of a Deadman - Ted Bundy (post grunge) 124. The National Parks - I Can Feel It (folk pop) 123. The Innocence Mission - John As Well (ambient folk) 122. King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard - The Hungry Wolf of Fate (microtonal indie rock) 121. The Jerry Cans - Atauttikkut (Inuit folk rock) 120. Sufjan Stevens - Lamentations (art pop) 119. Pigeon John - They Don’t Make Em Like Me (jazz hip hop) 118. Michael Franti & Spearhead - Lay It All Down (reggae fusion) 117. ARASHI - Party Starters (J-pop) 116. Neon Trees - Used To Like (indie pop) 115. Savant feat. Jahari Medina - Zealot (complextro) 114. Alestorm - Tortuga (pirate metal) 113. MisterWives - Valentine’s Day (indie pop) 112. Alex the Astronaut - Happy Song (indie folk pop) 111. Big Freedia feat. Kesha - Chasing Rainbows (bounce) 110. Cory Wong feat. The Hornheads - Click Bait (instrumental funk) 109. Suzzy Roche & Lucy Wainwright Roche - I Think I Am a Soul (neo Americana) 108. Victoria Anthony - Temporary Tattoo (synthpop) 107. Novo Amor - I Feel Better (indie folk rock) 106. Harper Bloom - Walk My Way (indie folk pop) 105. Badly Drawn Boy - Is This a Dream? (indie pop rock) 104. Bywater Call - Arizona (blues rock) 103. Mitochondrial Sun - Chronotopes (voidgaze) 102. Kronkel Dom - Giftig (Deutsch rap house) 101. The Phenomenal Handclap Band - Riot (nu disco) 100. Woodlock - Collateral (indie folk rock) 99. SKIES - It’s Alright (pop rock) 98. Pinguini Tattici Nucleari - Ringo Starr (Italian indie pop) 97. Warm Digits - False Positive (neo-krautrock) 96. Winnetka Bowling League - Come To The Beach (power pop) 95. ViVii - Whistle (folk pop) 94. Fame on Fire - Roxanne (post-screamo) 93. Tunng - Death Is The New Sex (folktronica) 92. Feuerschwanz feat. Melissa Bonny - Ding (neue Deutsche härte) 91. Jamie Cullum - Don’t Give Up On Me (jazz pop) 90. The Living Tombstone - What I Want (Israeli electro rock) 89. Walk Off The Earth - What’s Love Got To Do With It? (indie pop cover) 88. Hildegard von Blingin’ & Cornelius Link feat. Friar Funk - Pumped Up Kicks (bardcore) 87. Loma - Don’t Shy Away (ambient rock) 86. Pantayo - Heto Na (kulingang gong pop) 85. Gin Wigmore - H B I C (indie rock) 84. Dyble Longdon - Crossbones (chamber folk) 83. DMA’s - Never Before (Australian indie rock) 82. Mighty Oaks - Tell Me What You’re Thinking (indie folk rock) 81. Circles Around the Sun - Landline Memories (instrumental prog rock) 80. Blossoms - Your Girlfriend (indie pop rock) 79. Grimes - 4ÆM (industrial pop) 78. Ada Rook - 2,020 Knives (electropop concrète) 77. Walk Off The Earth - Oh What A Feeling (indie pop) 76. AWOLNATION - Radical (stomp pop) 75. Little Big Town - Bluebird (alt country) 74. Dutty Moonshine Big Band feat. HypeMan Sage - Outlaws (jazztronica) 73. Hugo Kant - Everything Is Transformed (downtempo nu-jazz) 72. King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard - Intrasport (microtonal indie pop) 71. Stuck On Planet Earth - Higher Than The Drugs (dance rock) 70. Kesha - Potato Song (Cuz I Want To) (pop) 69. joan - want u back (indie pop) 68. MisterWives - Love Me True (indie pop) 67. Butch Walker - Fuck It (I Don’t Like Love) (glam rock) 66. Heart Bones - This Time It’s Different (indie pop) 65. Anamanaguchi feat. meesh - Pop It (glitchhop) 64. Poppy - Concrete (bubblegum metal) 63. Creeper - Cyanide (alt rock) 62. The Lemon Twigs - Only a Fool (alt rock) 61. Purity Ring - stardew (dreampop) 60. Curt Cannabis - Falling Sensation (indie rock) 59. Custard - Funky Again (Bluey’s dad rock) 58. Ryan Hamilton and the Harlequin Ghosts - Newcastle Charm (power pop) 57. Indigo Girls - Howl at the Moon (ectofolk) 56. Cornershop - Highly Amplified (chamber psych) 55. ShockOne - Follow Me (drum n bass) 54. Yelle - Karaté (French hip hop) 53. Ultrahappyalarm - Wanna Cam??? (hyperpop) 52. Biffy Clyro - Tiny Indoor Fireworks (Scottish alt rock) 51. Heaven Pegasus feat. rook&nomie - Nomi (pop rock) 50. L.E.J. - Pas Peur (French chamber folk) 49. Avec Sans - Altitude (vapor pop) 48. Trixie Mattel - Malibu (pop rock) 47. Beans on Toast - Logic Bomb (jazz folk) 46. Nelson Kempf - Family Dollar (art folk) 45. Marcelyn - Guilloteens (experimental folk rock) 44. Little Big - Hypnodancer (funeral rave) 43. Walk Off The Earth feat. Harm & Ease - Toxic (eclectic pop cover) 42. Stormzy feat. Aitch - Pop Boy (grime) 41. The Fratellis - Six Days in June (pop rock) 40. MOBS - Big World (80s pastiche pop) 39. The Lemon Twigs - The One (alt rock) 38. The Cuckoos - Weekend Lover (glam rock) 37. MisterWives - It’s My Turn (indie pop) 36. Sammy Brue - Pendulum Thieves (alt country) 35. TheFatRat feat. Laura Brehm - We’ll Meet Again (pop EDM) 34. Starbenders - Holy Mother (glam rock) 33. Minh Beta - Let’s Fight COVID! (Vietnamese coronavirus pop) 32. Kiesza feat. Lick Drop, Cocanina & Shan Vincent De Paul - Dance With Your Best Friend (pop) 31. Ultrahappyalarm - Messy Gyaru (happy hardcore) 30. Saint Saviour - Taurus (chamber folk) 29. Kate Rusby - Love of the Common People (indie folk cover) 28. Seazoo - Honey Bee (indie pop rock) 27. City Mouth - Sanity For Summer (indie pop rock) 26. Cory Wong & Chris Thile - Bluebird (jazz-bluegrass crossover) 25. rook&nomie - soft atrocity (hyperpop) 24. Will Joseph Cook - Something To Feel Good About (indie pop) 23. Courteeners - Better Man (britpop) 22. MOBS - School’s Out (80s pastiche pop) 21. Luis Pestana - Sangra (experimental electronica) 20. Hugo Kant - High Gravity (downtempo nu-jazz) 19. The Flaming Lips - Mother I’ve Taken LSD (psychedelic rock) 18. eleventyseven - Battlecats (synthpop punk) 17. Igorrr - Lost in Introspection (baroque breakcore) 16. Polly Scattergood - In This Moment (spoken word triphop) 15. Dent May - Hotel Stationery (indie fuzzpop) 14. Another Sky - Fell In Love With The City (indie prog rock) 13. Lola Marsh - Like In The Movies (Israeli pop rock) 12. Ada Rook - Reverie (JH Ligation Experiment 1) (breakbeat electropop) 11. Trixie Mattel - Video Games (country folk cover) 10. KES - Na let go / (when ah) Jamdong / (with d) Boss Lady (soca) 9. Emerson Hart - Lucky One (heartland rock) 8. Uncanny Valley - Beautiful the World (AI dance pop) 7. Villagers - Did You Know? (indie folk) 6. Chemtrails - Uncanny Valley (psychedelic garage pop) 5. Andy Shauf - Try Again (indie pop) 4. Lola Marsh - Echoes (Israeli pop rock) 3. Sea Girls - Do You Really Want To Know? (indie pop rock) 2. Kishi Bashi - Never Ending Dream (indie pop) 1. Dyble Longdon - Obedience (chamber folk)

#1000albums #albums #best of the year #songs

[anunvalidcritic]

The Boys: SN2.5

(DISCLAIMER: MY OPINION IS MY OWN AND CAN BE DEEMED INVALID TO THOSE WHO DON’T CARE FOR IT.)

I just finished a documentary on Netflix but as soon as I saw the time I knew I had to come here and do my job for the people!

                                      WE GOTTA GO NOW 

(Photo Credit: @01091006)

Watching the recap makes me want to believe in the relationship of BECCA and BUTCHER

Anyways, this movie introduction is LAME!!!!!!!!!!

“Yeah, so what is that?” - RUBY

I bet you a dollar she’s gonna says she’s a lesbian. 

CALLED IT

I honestly just want to hear the director say cut at this point...

I see the supes are still fuckin’ up impoverished areas.... good to know...

“So, what, they’re all starving but one of them’s got a fucking cell phone?” - HOMELANDER

bro ASHLEY should not have a job where she’s fucking scared all the time. Hope she doesn’t meet her demise by dying in this series. 

I get that BUTCHER wants to release his angry but that definitely wasn’t the way to go my dude. 

“LIBERTY, that supe that RAYNOR was looking into turns out it’s STORMFRONT. Vought changed her name, they’ve been moving her around like a fucking Catholic priest.” - HUGHIE

wtf did he mean by canary. Did he mean it as way of him being able to sense danger or something??

ICONIC DIALOGUE

“What are you watching” - HUGHIE

“A show called Eat My Dick.“ - MOTHER’s MILK

is KIMIKO about to set something on fire?? FRENCHIE stay on that ass 

TERROR’s back!!

I wish my mom’s do was that obedient. 

What a fake relationship.... lol the way he shook his head when he said “french toast”

Ik this mf isn’t dragging the musical Hamilton just because the lead actor wasn’t a white man?????

Bros/Bruhs Dear Evan Hansen is a really good musical. If you don’t like hearing all the singing I get it but it has a strong message of what kids these are going through and what they’re willing to go through just for a little bit of notoriety. 

“Bitch ain’t right in the head.” - RUSSIAN GUY 1

you got that right!!!!

BRO SHE DIDN’T HAVE TO DO ALL OF THAT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

I like how he kept shooting her in the same spot and didn’t even try to go for the head. 

“Merde.” - FRENCHIE

ICONIC DIALOGUE

“No, we... we came ‘cause we’re worried.” - HUGHIE

“Your cunt sense tingling, is it?” - BUTCHER

“Just so you know that’s TERROR’s girlfriend.” - AUNT JUDY

“What?” - HUGHIE

“His fuck pig.” - AUNT JUDY

Bro BLACK NOIR has no fucking chill whatsoever!

“Ma’am, do you have any nails, ball bearings, electrical wiring, pressurized aerosol products. I need a can about this big. *motions with hands the size* Really appreciate it.” - MOTHER’s MILK

dang, he has me really thinking if I have any of those things in my house smh Lol

oh fuck no not ANNIE’s MOM... send this bitch back home!

Ik this racist mf is not inserting herself into a conversation that she definitely has no right to be in???

“Why are you talking to a stranger about out relationship?” - ANNIE

FUCK A TEAMMATE

Sometimes you just gotta walk away from the bullshit and deal with it another day...

Bro it’s the screen writer who got his dick froze and broken off by a supe while having sex!!!!! And his friend EVAN!!! Some of the best screen writers in the game KMSL

“Guest spots on Queer Eye.” - SETH

My mom fucking loves that show

.... so is MAEVE bisexual and ELENA a lesbian or are they both bi?? 

“We’re gonna take that motherfucker down.” - MAEVE

BUTCHER really is about to commit suicide like that?!?!

Totally forgot about ROBIN he moved onto ANNIE so quickly

Well... BUTCHER kinda said what I was thinking

He better not knock the shit out this boy again LMAO

KIMIKO + CHERIE = BBDB (bad bitchies doing business)

“Que passe-t-il?” - FRENCHIE

Bro you just can’t name drop her brother like that... that wound has not healed yet. 

It’s the cussing in the church for me

I bet that old ass man was problem thinking “these goddamn millennials.“

Not another fucking motivational commercial

Yeah she got a problem that bitch is racist! You know if his heart wasn’t fucked up he could kill her right then in there. 

“Look, I know it’s not easy losing your job. Okay? When I got fired, I tindered my way through Barcelona. Everyone in that city ate my paella. Fucked a guy with elephantiasis. But I got through it and so will you.” - ASHLEY

I bet you anything she no longer has a WAP iykwim

Previous speedster = MR. MARATHON

VICTORIA don’t start lookin’ all scared now! As Megan Thee Stallion once said, “talk yo shit.”

BRO PLEASE TELL THIS IS SOMETHING HE’S THINKING ABOUT DOING AND NOT ACTUALLY DOING!!!!!!!!!!

Now he’s gonna go runnin’ to STORMFRONT after this little mental break down

ICEMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why is she speaking about LENNY in a past tense?? Is he dead?...nvm

it’s amazing how this dude can walk after going through all of that and ofc the goddamn dog gives them away!!

House is fucked up Ik the neighbors heard all of that ruckus. 

BLACK NOIR must be a lab rat because if anybody else had walked through that probably would’ve died. 

“You can’t. Roll the dice cunt.” - BUTCHER

I hope this woman has home insurance. 

Seeing this episode makes me want to be a movie set even more 

STARLIGHT GOTTA CHILL

I don’t see how someone can be so racist but use urban slang like “what’s up”???

Aerosmith’s - Dream On is a legendary classic

These ppl are going extra hard like woah there my dudes

WHAT THE HELL IS IN STROMFRONT’s DNA?!?!??!?!

________

I think it’s safe to say that today’s episode wasn’t as nearly weird as Episode 4. As usual a lot went down in this episode and I’m just gonna let all this information marinate in my brain. But I’ll never forget that everyone’s a critic when their opinion matters the least. Episode 6 will be next week.

#the boys #the boys season two #stormfront #queen maeve #frenchie #black noir #the female #the deep #mother’s milk #erin moriarty #anthony starr #jack quaid #karl urban #billy butcher #hughie campbell #homelander #annie january #jensen ackles #shawn ashmore #aya cash #dominique mcelligott #tomer capon #nathan mitchell #karen fukuhara #chace crawford #laz alonso #jessie t. usher #giancarlo esposito

[artificialqueens]

Girls Interrupted, Chapter 2: She Wants To Dance Like Uma Thurman, But She Can’t (Vatya) 2/2 - Maeve

A/N: Hi, it’s Maeve here, and holy fuck this is long! Sorry for the wait, everyone, it’s been a real time. I’ll admit that I spent a lot of time collecting firsthand accounts of real teen parties because homegirl has never been to one of the cool kid ones. I feel no personal shame! I hope you all enjoy it. I’m a one woman show over here, but I’ve tried to be as accurate as possible with the characterization of the queens. There are some parts of this chapter that might be a little confusing, but that’s because the story is told through Katya’s eyes and she doesn’t always have all of the information. She will soon, though! As always, constructive criticism (really feedback of any kind) is welcome. If there’s interest, I’ll drop my sideblog one of these days. Here’s some petty teenage bullshit to take your mind off of the outside world.

What do normal people wear? What’s ‘in’ with the youths? Katya furrowed her brow. She grew out of following trends in middle school. The clothes weren’t her, and they didn’t magically assimilate her into a friend group either. So Katya was no manic pixie dream girl, more of a manic sexy carny And that was okay…most of the time. There would be a wide variety of teens at the party—Alaska ran in many different circles—but all of them had eyes, and Katya wasn’t about to make Alaska question her judgement over unironically worn Hawaiian print. She’d have to pass for artistically different. Dresses were risky, so Katya opted for a pair of skintight black denim shorts and a well-worn Warner Brothers Studios shirt. A good french tuck and a statement jacket were just enough to polish off her shabby-chic ensemble. It would have to be good enough.

Katya’s freshly washed hair had dried in loose waves that framed her face beautifully. Two things she refused to guilt herself into were shaving her legs and putting on makeup, and she wore her bangs down to hide the hairline she was so self-conscious about. It wasn’t like she was trying to impress anyone. Katya had given up on that a long, long time ago. She glanced at the clock. It was only a few minutes past 6:00. Living in a constant state of perpetual anxiety was a real bitch.

Katya sighed, Wheel of Fortune and Diet Coke it is. Her parents were at the neighborhood’s annual Back to School Barbecue, so she had the entire house to herself. She hoped there would be a familiar face or two—or at the very least caffeine—at Alaska’s house.

Katya could hear the music coming from the inside of Alaska’s house through her massive front door. It was a hot and humid evening, yet Katya chose to linger in the yard. She wasn’t the first one there, and she wouldn’t be the last one, either; there was just something about crossing the solid oak barrier that made her presence…pressing. Awkward, even.

Alaska wouldn’t have invited you if she didn’t want you to be here, Katya reminded herself. She knew this was true—Alaska Honard was an absolute sweetheart—but her paranoia got the best of her. She pulled out her phone and sent a message to ‘Bianca del Realest’:

I’m outside. Walk me in? I don’t wanna know if pigs’ blood comes out of denim.

Her phone vibrated seconds later with a response from Bianca:

Pussy.

Soon, the door opened, revealing a smug Bianca del Rio. Katya grinned, “Yes, I do have a pussy, mama, and I’m serving fish all night.”

Bianca howled, “I don’t put things in me if I don’t know where they’ve been, and you’re a filthy whore.”

“You rotted cunt! That was a rash, not a herpes sore!” Katya protested.

“Just get your ass in here, Zamo, before the neighbors call the police to report a solicitor on the premises,” Bianca stepped aside so Katya could enter.

The first thing she saw was an ornately framed oil painting of Alaska and her family. It had to be at least her height. “Holy mother of pearl…” Katya gaped.

“Mother of Alaska, actually. Father and sister, too,” Bianca corrected. Katya gave her a shove. “What? I do this out of love, honey.” The blonde rolled her eyes. “Come on, there’s someone I want you to meet,” Bianca grabbed hold of Katya’s arm and steered her towards the kitchen.

Alaska’s kitchen—which was a literal gourmet kitchen—was relatively empty save for an entire island of snacks and several coolers with drinks. She could still feel the thrum of the bass in her teeth, but the walls muffled the music’s full volume. What Katya found most shocking was actually who was in the kitchen. Trixie Mattel was leaning against the sink in a pair of light wash jeans and a flowing pink top.

Wow, Katya’s eyes went wide. She was in the same room as Trixie Mattel, about to be introduced by their apparently mutual friend, and she desperately needed to be able to pull herself together.

“Oh, honey, send in the clowns!” Trixie exclaimed, noticing Bianca’s return.

“I prefer to be called an erotic clown,” Bianca shot back. Katya snorted. “This is the creature I was telling you about.” Bianca gave Katya a small shove forward.

“Hi, I’m the chemical burn from the spiral perm, Trixie Mattel,” Trixie introduced herself extending a well-manicured hand. “I sit across from you in English, but we’ve never really talked.”

“Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova. But your dad just calls me Katya,” Katya winked and took Trixie’s hand, gently kissing her knuckles. Inside her head, Katya was screaming, Fuuuuuuuck. However, Trixie’s smile only grew. The life-sized Barbie doubled over with laughter.

Trixie turned to Bianca, “I’ll keep her!” Katya scrunched up her nose. She didn’t realize she was for sale.

“Just make sure to walk her often. She’s not house trained,” Bianca warned.

Katya wasn’t given the chance to retort because the door that connected the main room to the backyard flew open, and all three girls reached to cover their ears as Travis Scott’s voice grew three times as loud. An out-of-breath Jinkx Monsoon stood in the doorway, and her mouth began to move.

“What?” Bianca shouted over Sicko Mode.

Jinkx came further into the kitchen and screamed, “I said the hotshots just pulled up! If you don’t wanna get trampled, we should probab—”

“Bottoms up, bitches!” Willam shouted from somewhere in the hall. A cacophony of voices seemed to flood the space all at once, and then the kitchen was swarmed with all of the juniors on the cheer squad and football team. Hands and bodies were everywhere. Katya, standing at 5’1”, was swept away in the sea of future frat boys. Thankfully, the kitchen was only a stop on their route, and once the kitchen had been successfully raided, the four girls could get their bearings.

Jinkx straightened her dress. “Leave. I was going to say leave,” she finished her earlier thought and slumped against the kitchen island. “The real party’s out back. Now with added kegs.”

“Now, this I gotta see,” Bianca chuckled, “You in?” Katya shrugged and followed Bianca and Trixie past the horndogs sucking face in the living room and into Alaska’s massive backyard. She didn’t know what she’d gotten herself into, and she didn’t see it getting any better.

The glass doors let out onto a patio with a cabana and firepit. Stone steps led down to yet another seating area and a resort-style pool filled with floats, fountaints, and colored lights. There must’ve been at least a hundred people outside. She’d never seen so much illicit activity in one place. What was the word? Collusion? Collusion. Collusion vibes but not in a good way, Mama. We’re all going to hell, Katya swallowed thickly. The blonde was overwhelmed by the sweaty bodies, loud music, and flashing lights. Was this what a rave was like? The kegs by the pool were a happening place, and she planned to avoid them as much as possible.

When she looked to her right, she noticed Bianca had slipped away unnoticed, leaving her completely and utterly alone with one Trixie Mattel. Fuck. Again.

“Come get a drink with me!” Trixie insisted. She might not have been entirely comfortable alone with her crush, but tagging along was a significantly better option than hiding in a corner. The two pushed their way towards the booze. Trixie filled a red solo cup for Katya before grabbing one for herself and maneuvering them over to the poolside loveseat.

Katya’s drink felt awkward clutched in her hands. She knew that most highschoolers had experience with alcohol, but it was different watching her peers getting trashed. What’s the point? Katya wondered.

“That’s gonna get warm, you know?” Trixie snapped Katya out of her thoughts.

Katya gave her a sheepish smile, “I don’t really drink. Like at all. I just took it so you didn’t think I was lame.”

“Oh, honey,” Trixie began softly, “I would never judge you for something like that. Here, let me take that.” She made a grab for Katya’s cup, but Katya pulled it away.

“One sec!” Katya stuck two fingers of her free hand right into her beer and pulled them out. She saw the confusion on Trixie’s face and gave her a mischievous look. Katya took her beer fingers and wiped the alcohol across the pulse points on her neck. Playing it safe, she repeated the action until all the places she’d usual spray with perfume were sticky with beer. She was sure she smelled like a distillery. Perfect. Once again, Trixie made a grab for the cub, but another hand beat her to it. Alaska Honard in all her glory snatched it from Katya and drained its contents.

“Thanksss, Kati,” Alaska slurred. “Jus’ needed a lil’ liquid courage before I go on.” She swooped down to give Katya a sloppy kiss on the cheek. Alaska was sloshed. Her makeup was smudged she was swaying on her feet, and she smelled worse than Katya, who had just taken a bath in her beer.

“Go on what, Alaska?” Needless to say, Katya was a bit concerned. Because the two had done most of the work for their partner scene the previous class, Alaska and Katya were able to spend the day’s 3rd period chatting away. The demure girl from earlier was nowhere to be found. She was beginning to wonder if her friend had even processed her question when Alaska finally responded.

“‘M gonna be a star, Kati,” Alaska giggled. “Britney, bitch!” She then proceeded to fist up the fabric at the bottom of her dress and try to pull her black bodycon sequin gown up and over her body. Katya could only watch as she writhed around and made pitiful whining noises in her attempt to undress. “Off!” Alaska pouted, giving Katya her best puppy dog eyes.

Katya shared a look with Trixie before standing up and carefully spinning the blonde around. Her small hands were perfect for pulling down tiny zippers, and the dress slid down Alaska’s lithe body and pooled at her feet. Katya’s throat went dry.

Underneath her dress, Alaska wore a lacy, black strapless bra and a matching set of panties. Katya could not handle it. She didn’t mean to stare, but she couldn’t bring herself to look away. Soft, pale, flawless, Katya took in the beauty in front of her. Talk about body-ody-ody. Alaska was toned with the supple legs of a dancer—unfortunately, she lacked a dancer’s poise. Katya’s aneurism was cut short when the cheerleader stumbled trying to get out of the offending garment.

“Geez, Alaska,” Katya exclaimed, “Would you be more careful?”

“I may not be graceful…” Alaska trailed off, beginning to sway on her feet.

“I need my Lasky!” Detox shouted from the edge of the pool. Alaska visibly perked at her nickname and gave Katya a sloppy goodbye kiss on the cheek before teetering off towards Detox and Roy.

What the fuck? Katya raised her eyebrows. She turned to Trixie in search of an answer as to what just happened, but all the blonde had to offer was a shrug. Katya looked back to Rolaskatox and noticed a few pertinent details she’d missed in her first glance: Roxy and Detox were also in their skivvies, three chairs were now in a row on the bridge that separated the two halves of the pool, and the music had stopped.

Katya tried to do the math in her head: liquid courage + 3 scantily clad girls x 1 chair - Kendrick Lamar = ???? She had to be missing something. “‘I’m gonna be a star,’” Alaska had said…Fame = liquid courage + 3 scantily clad girls x 1 chair - Kendrick Lamar. Katya’s brows knit together. Some kind of performance? And then it hit her. “‘Britney, bitch,’”…They’re performing a Britney Spears number practically naked. Obviously the ideal way to spend a Friday night. Katya could think of no other explanation for the weird happenings of the last few minutes, but the answer she’d arrived at wasn’t any less of an acid trip.

The three girls took their places behind the chairs, and Roxy, who had at some point manifested a microphone, gave pearl a thumbs up.

“Where my party people at?” Roxy shouted into the microphone. Praise Putin for Pearl because the feedback on the mic might have made their ears bleed. The crowd around the pool hooted and hollered. Yuck, Katya gagged on the high school movie realness. “We’ve got a special treat for you tonight! Our little Lasky here,” Roxy pushed Alaska forward, “Didn’t think that she was going to make the varsity cheer team.” Alaska flushed at her friends divulgence and squirmed in her grip. Naturally, Roxy paid no attention to her friend’s discomfort, “So Toxy and I, we made a bet: if Lasky didn’t make varsity we’d have a Golden Girls marathon, but if she did…she’d have to show off her sweet moves at the Back-to-School Bash!”

“Hit it, Pearl!” Detox shouted. Roxy tossed the microphone to someone near the end of the walk, and the three girls took their places by their chairs. Alaska was clearly less thrilled about the performance than she was when she had been talking to Katya minutes ago. Liquid courage? No dice. The instrumental intro into Britney Spears’ “Toxic” began to play from the outdoor speakers, and Alaska’s gyrated her hips mechanically to the beat.

Baby, can’t you see

I’m calling

A guy like you should wear a warning

It’s dangerous, I’m falling

Katya was dumbfounded. Mouth agape, she wondered, Does this shit happen at all high school parties? Mother, I swear I’m sober. She hadn’t had anything to drink, so she couldn’t have been drugged or anything crazy like that. This was, in fact, happening. And Katya had thought she was fucking mental. A glance to her side told her that she wasn’t the only one questioning her sanity; Trixie’s eyes were bulging out of their sockets.

There’s no escape

I can’t wait

I need a hit, Baby, give me it

You’re dangerous, I’m lovin’ it

Dangerous. There was something sinister about the atmospheric red that bathed the trio and spilled into the audience. Her hands began to tremble. Brenda, not now, she willed herself to calm down.

Too high

Can’t come down

Losin’ my head, spinnin’ ‘round and 'round

Do you feel me now?

It wasn’t just her shaking, though. Alaska’s body was vibrating with tension—not ‘loving it’. Her sisters in scandal moved a lot smoother than she did, and she was concentrating hard on keeping herself from falling off of her chair. How much “‘liquid courage’” did this bitch have? The trio had gotten up on their chairs at the beginning of the chorus and were doing what looked like Christina Aguilera choreography circa Genie in a Bottle. Katya wouldn’t be surprised if Rotox had actually gotten the wrong blonde when choreographing. Katya frowned, Alaska, please don’t crack your head open.

With a taste of your lips I’m on a ride

You’re toxic I’m slippin’ under

With a taste of a poison paradise

I’m addicted to you

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

And I love what you do

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

She regained her breath when the chair acrobatics were finally over. The dance routine had evolved into what could probably qualify as softcore porn. Roxy, Alaska, and Detox were writhing on the platform in an obscene manner. Katya thought they looked like cats in heat. Alcoholic cats in heat. Which was actually quite a shame because real alcoholic cats in heat were something that Katya would totally like to see.

It’s getting late to give you up

I took a sip from my devil’s cup

Slowly, it’s taking over me

Too high, can’t come down

It’s in the air and it’s all around

Can you feel me now?

Britney Spears you are a cruel bitch, Katya chewed her lower lip. She was trying her hardest not to feel anything.

With a taste of your lips, I’m on a ride

You’re toxic, I’m slippin’ under

With a taste of a poison paradise

I’m addicted to you

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

And I love what you do

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

If she weren’t so put off by the course the night had taken and concerned for her friend, she might have been more than a little turned on. There was no denying that Alaska was attractive—even as she flopped about like a fish on a marble platter—but her mother raised her right. We do not objectify women, and we definitely do not allow others to take advantage of inebriated ones.

Taste of your lips, I’m on a ride

You’re toxic, I’m slippin’ under

With a taste of a poison paradise

I’m addicted to you

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

With a taste of your lips, I’m on a ride

You’re toxic, I’m slippin’ under

With a taste of a poison paradise

I’m addicted to you

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

Katya had to admit she was impressed. There really was no better way to draw attention to yourself than repeatedly slamming your pussy into the makeshift stage. It certainly seemed to be working now; she might just have to try it sometime.

Intoxicate me now

With your lovin’ now

I think I’m ready now

I think I’m ready now

Intoxicate me now

With your lovin’ now

I think I’m ready now

Roxy, Alaska, and Detox all struck their final poses. Katya could see their chests heaving wildly as they held for the raucous applause of the party guests standing poolside. It was certainly strange, but she couldn’t knock their performance. Kids would be kids, right? She was about to chalk it all up to a bit of harmless fun, after all, when tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber broke formation and pushed Alaska straight off of the platform. Suddenly, the tall blonde was in the water, limbs thrashing about in response to the sudden change in environment.

“Pool party!” Willam shouted, stripping off her own dress. Leave it to Willam to make a splash. Literally. For some reason the most inebriated of the guests decided that it was a fantastic idea to accidentally drown themselves instead of their sorrows. Soon, the pool was full of bodies and she could no longer keep track of her friend.

Alaska finally scampered to the steps with the stability of a newborn fawn. She all but fell out of the pool and took half of the water with her. Alaska’s mascara streaked down her cheeks, and her hair hung limp and matted. Roxy and Detox were nowhere to be found—either to help her clean up or to read her for filth. Coco Montrese and her longtime frenemy Miss Alyssa Edwards, however, were more than happy to fill in.

They sound like those brain dead hyenas from The Lion King, Katya snickered to herself. Maybe not that lady one, though. That bitch was fierce.

Alaska coughed up a mouthful of water right at their feet. “Hey, Coco,” She began, “Your makeup is terrible.” Coco wasn’t laughing anymore. Point Alaska.

“Have you seen yourself, mama?” Coco fired back, The blonde rolled her eyes and snatched the drink in Coco’s hand. Alaska tossed it back all in one go.

“Thanks,” Alaska drawled, tossing the empty cup back and wrapping herself in the first available towel.

Katya turned to Trixie with a question on her lips. “Does this happen often?” She asked. Trixie gave a low whistle.

“Pearl has dragged me to a lot of weird shit, but I think this might just be a first,” Trixie answered with gusto. She checked her watch, “And it’s not even 10:00! The night is still young, honey!”

Right, Katya thought, the night is still young. Just great.

Trixie soon ditched Katya for Pearl—something about the stupid pumpkin carriage coming to steal her friend after midnight—and Katya hadn’t known Trixie long enough to reasonably protest the abandonment. She hoped Bianca was somewhere inside the house.

There were still people in the living room, but it looked like the horny gremlins from earlier had finally gotten a room. Literally. Unfortunately, the cheerleaders that had taken their place were not much better. Head bitch Violet Chachki had her legs draped over one of the arms of a stately armchair in a carefree yet superior manner. Why anyone would want to be queen of the hot messes? Katya couldn’t tell you. But apparently power—or at least the perception of power—gave one Violet Chachki a raging hard on. Gag.

Bianca wasn’t in the room, but the blonde was determined to see her valiant quest through. Hopefully, she’d stumble upon a nunnery with some sexy ladies along the way. Sneaking past the wicked bitch of the west and her flying monkeys, she regrouped in the kitchen. Katya went down her mental checklist: Keys? Check. Assorted limbs? Check. Clothes? Check. Inhibitions? Check. Virtue? Debauched. Sanity? Remaining hopefully optimistic. Bianca? Still M.I.A. The kitchen was empty due to the commotion happening poolside. Chips crunched under the soles of Katya’s sneakers. That was another reason she didn’t enjoy being out in the general public for extended periods of time: bitches be nasty.

The second floor was significantly cleaner than the first. An entire floor of the Honards’ house was dedicated to entertainment. Katya knew that Alaska had an older sister, Nebraska, but she couldn’t fathom why any child—or two children for that matter—needed an entire floor to play. How could the rooms not feel so…empty? Katya wondered, shuddering involuntarily. The blonde couldn’t picture Alaska spending much time up here now. She felt as though she was looking at an abandoned playground and couldn’t help but think it made Alaska sad, too.

After a few moments, it became clear to Katya that Bianca wasn’t there, but she continued to linger on the landing. Her blue eyes were drawn to the set of stairs that would take her to the third floor. It was an idea for the pantheon of bad ideas; she was tempted nonetheless. Katya could hear her grandfather’s words in her head: ‘Curiosity killed the kitty, лисичка,’ What her Deda didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. Besides, I’m not that kind of pussy, am I? She justified.

Katya crept up to the dark third story of the house with the innocence of an intruder—she’d plead the fifth if necessary. The second door down from the landing was ominously open. Honestly, there may as well have been a big red arrow pointing towards the room because Katya’s feet were already carrying her towards it. Darkness engulfed the room, itself, save for a rectangle of warm light.

“Jinkxy, is that you?” Alaska groaned, presumably from the same direction as the light. “Jus’ leave the dress on the bed. Save the lecture for the morning.”

Katya cleared her throat, “Alaska? It’s Katya. Can I come in?” She received a grunt in response. The blonde followed the sound into what turned out to be Alaska’s master bathroom. Her friend was curled up against her marble tub with a beach towel wrapped around her.

“How was I, Kati?“ Alaska drawled.

Katya took a seat in front of her and pulled her legs to her chest. She thought for a moment before speaking, “80% sexy, 20% disgusting…like me.” Alaska whined. “Why are you still in your wet clothes?” She asked. Her friend shrugged. Right, Katya sighed. Alaska was half asleep; this wasn’t going to be a one woman job. Thankfully, Jinkx appeared moments later with her heels in one hand and Alaska’s little black dress in the other. Katya raised her hands in surrender. “I swear she was like this when I found her,” she blurted.

“This isn’t even the worst of it,” Jinx spoke candidly. She tossed her shoes onto the floor and pulled up her long, red hair. “I’ll wrangle the monkey if you go and find her some dry underwear and something to wear to bed.” Jinkx’s tone left no room for questioning.

Mother, I never thought I’d be a panty snatcher, much less an invited one, Katya made a face. Alaska’s dressers were easy to find, and she felt undeniably dirty as she began her game of panty roulette. Pulling open the first drawer, Katya sprang back, ready to strike. Assorted pajamas were hardly a foe, and she vanquished them swiftly. Rebel athleticwear laid in wait behind drawer number two. They, too, were no match for her feet of fury, Katya kicked the drawer shut with a battle cry.

“Katya, what the hell are you doing out there?” Jinkx called.

Katya had the dignity to look sheepish. “Nothing!” She shouted back. “Be there in a second!” The underwear turned out to be in the next drawer down. She thrust a hand inside without looking and tightened her grip on the first piece of fabric her hand found. Her feeling of triumph only lasted the few seconds it took for her to realize what she’d managed to retrieve: a lacy black teddy. Katya dropped the offending garment as if she’d been burned. I am going to hell, she shook her head, Straight to hell. I will not pass go, nor will I collect $100…Deuces never loses, right? The scarlet thong she fished out next begged to differ. Her face was almost as red as the fabric, itself, when she flung it across the room. Fortunately, the third time was the charm. The pastel pink boyshorts seemed like a more appropriate item to put on a drunk girl, so Katya returned to the bathroom to present her nightwear bounty to Jinkx.

The motherly redhead, unsurprisingly, was not impressed. Jinkx arched a brow expectantly.

“You see,” Katya began, “I wasn’t comfortable—I didn’t um feel right digging through her things without, you know, her permission?” She swallowed thickly. “So I thought maybe it would be less creepy if I just reached in and grabbed the first thing I touched. Well, you see, Alaska’s got such a wide range of tastes, and it-uh…It took a hot second to find something appropriate…for the…occasion?” She was expecting to find disgust when she raised her eyes to meet Jinkx’s, but the redhead cackled loudly instead.

“Lemme guess, you saw something you didn’t want to see?” Jinkx chortled. Katya managed a weak nod. “I’m sorry, doll, I forget that not everyone is as acquainted with Miss Honard’s unmentionables as little ol’ me.”

Not everyone is as acquain—Oh! Blue eyes threatened to burst from their sockets as Katya processed her words.  

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, not like that,” Jinkx exclaimed, reading the thoughts reflected on Katya’s face. “Lasky and I did community theater together. I’ve known her since the first grade. Drunk proof her nightstand for me? I’ll dress blondie over here.”

“Does this happen often?” Katya asked Jinkx after Alaska’s door was closed. The incapacitated cheerleader was finally sound asleep in her bed, and the two girls didn’t think she’d be up anytime soon.

Jinkx sighed sadly, “It didn’t use to. Roxy and Detox are more toxic than Drano, and there’s no one to stop her from going out with them. Look, Lasky’s a sweet girl. A good, smart girl. But she makes bad choices sometimes, and there’s nothing that I—that we—can do about it. She’s gotta be the one to say enough is enough.”

Katya understood. Katya understood more than she wanted to. She’d been a shell of a girl drowning in the voices in her head not too long ago. It didn’t matter how many hands reached out to her if she refused to take them. Alaska—happy and hopeful Alaska—might just be drowning, too. Katya wondered if she drank to impress, to keep up, or to forget.

Jinkx promised that she’d look over Alaska until the next morning, so Katya reluctantly chose to rejoin the land of the living downstairs. The first floor was significantly louder than it was when she left it. Games of flip cup and beer pong had picked up in the dining room, and Violet’s flock had not only grown, but had grown to include both Trixie and Bianca, who were trying their hardest not to laugh at the spectacle in the middle of the living area. Willam and Courtney were having a major bitchfest for all to see. Normally, Katya would run for the hills, but if Bianca and Trixie weren’t afraid of getting caught in the crossfire, she figured it was safe enough to stick around and tuned into the conversation.

“Your tone seems really pointed right now,” Willam pursed her lips. She was clearly the calmer of the two, as Courtney was beet red and positively radiating tension. Katya could tell Willam’s nonchalance was only winding the Australian up more.

Courtney folded her arms defensively. “Well, I’m sorry you think that, Willam,” she took a deep breath. “I feel like everything I say kinda comes from the heart, and I’m truly hurt that you threw yourself at Daniel when you knew how I felt about him.”

“Sorry ‘bout it,” Willam scoffed, picking at her nails. Her words reflected everything but the sentiment they were meant to.

Katya knew that Willam was a bitch, but this was a little much even for her. Willam and Courtney had been best friends since Courtney moved from Australia the summer of their freshman year; it was hard to believe that Willam would throw their relationship away. Katya held her breath. Everyone in the wings was uncomfortable during the pregnant pause. The scene before her was straight out of a 90s teen movie, and she didn’t have the popcorn to go with it.

All movement stilled when Willam finally looked up. “I tend to think emotions are for ugly people,” she deadpanned. The room let out a collective gasp. Courtney was across the room in a flash, and her palm made contact with Willam’s cheek. It would be logical to assume that Willam, who was just slapped across the face by her best friend, would be the most in shock at the sudden turn of events; it would also be the wrong conclusion. Courtney’s features were frozen in fear. The offending hand still hovered in the air, trembling like a leaf.

Willam was the first to react—and in a very uncharacteristic way. She engulfed the smaller girl in a tender hug. Courtney began to sob muffled apologies into her neck, and despite her obvious desire to recoil, Willam continued to hold her close.

Maybe Willam actually does have feelings, Katya’s eyebrows raised. The sight of Willam whispering words of reassurance into Courtney’s ear was enough to make even the coldest heart melt. Well, the coldest heart with the exception of Violet Chachki’s. Katya was pretty sure the stick up her ass was a permanent installment.

When the two pulled apart minutes later with smiles on their faces, they were met with a round of applause. Courtney wiped at her eyes, careful not to smudge her makeup. If she noticed Willam’s arm around her waist, she didn’t give any indication as she addressed the spectators that had gathered, “Well, I’m gonna need to be less sober before I spill any more about myself. Truth or drink, anyone?”

Truth or drink? No thanks, Katya turned to sneak out. Unfortunately, Bianca had also chosen that exact moment to glance in her direction, and Katya was caught in the act.

“Bitch, you can’t leave yet. It’s not even midnight!” Bianca half whispered, half hissed.

And Bianca doesn’t associate with losers, Katya reminded herself. Don’t be a loser. “If my locker gets filled with worms next week, I will personally marinate you like a chicken,” she promised her friend.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it all before. Blame it on Bianca Del Rio. Take a number, sweetheart, you’re holding up the line,” Bianca patted the space next to her on the floor.

Laganja had batted her eyelashes—and used her mouth—to coerce one of the mindless jocks to bring in one of the kegs from outside for their “slumber party secret sesh”. There were fifteen girls, including Katya, who stuck around for the potentially risky game, and Katya wasn’t thrilled to be playing with most of them. Adore finished off her beer and placed the empty bottle in the center of the circle.

“Party!” Adore shouted before giving the bottle a good spin. Around, and around, and around it went before coming to a stop at Coco’s feet. “Miss Coco Montrese, truth or dare?” She asked.

“I’ll pick truth, mama,” Coco answered.

Adore thought for a moment before speaking, “Are you afraid that you’ll always be the runner up?” There was a chorus of oohs. Everyone knew that the race for junior varsity squad captain their sophomore year was a sore spot for both girls. It was no secret that Alyssa was originally chosen to be captain by her teammates. However, when she became implicated in a cheating scandal, Coach Calhoun was forced to denounce her and give Coco, Alyssa’s best friend and the candidate to receive the second most votes, the position. To make matters worse, it was rumored that Coco was the one who suggested that Alyssa had committed academic dishonesty in the first place. Alyssa and Coco had patched up their friendship over the course of the last year, but there was no telling whether or not the structure would hold if tested.

“Out of respect for me and Miss Alyssa, I am going to drink,” Coco responded without hesitance. Adore poured her a shot, and Alyssa gave her hand a grateful squeeze as she tossed it back. “Ain’t no use bringing up what’s past.”

Coco spun the bottle next, and it chose Trixie as its victim. “Truth or dare?” Coco asked.

“I think I’ll pick dare?” Trixie responded with hesitance. Katya didn’t know much about Coco Montrese, but for Trixie’s sake she hoped Coco was one of the nice ones.

Said cheerleader gave Trixie a small and genuine smile, “Okay, mama, I dare you to let Miss Pearl over here do your makeup. Something has got to be done because you aren’t doing a pretty girl like yourself any favors.” The reactions to Coco’s dare for Trixie were mixed. Some of the she-demons tried and failed to hide their amused laughs, Pearl’s eyes opened fully, Violet’s grip on her chair tightened, and Trixie seemed to be not entirely opposed to the idea.

“Pearlie girl,” Trixie began, standing up and crossing to her best friend on the opposite side of the circle, “Treat my face like a princess and then fuck it like a slut.” The life-sized Barbie batted her eyelashes animatedly, earning her a laugh from pearl and a glare from Violet. The ice queen’s elevated irritability prompted Katya to reconsider her previous assessments—maybe it was an entire branch up her ass.

When Pearl and Trixie left, there was a void that seemed to swallow Violet whole. The physical space around her remained largely unchanged, but Katya could feel the emptiness that moved to fill the space Pearl left. And for the first time it occurred to her that Violet Chachki might be alone. I guess there might be some truth to the saying, she mused. After all, if you’re at the top, how can anyone else be? When you stripped away the glitter, the makeup, the clothes, you were left with a girl—albeit an arrogant, entitled, straight up cunt—plain and simple.

“Heavy is the head that wears the crown, huh?” Bianca nudged Katya’s arm, snapping her out of her thoughts.

“What?” Katya asked. Had she missed something while she was contemplating the character of Violet Chachki?

Bianca chuckled, “You’ve been staring at Chachki since Trixie and Pearl left.” The blonde feigned innocence. “You know how I feel about that 48 Hours show, Zamo. Share with the class before your peanut brain short circuits.”

“What’s her problem?” Katya whispered. “I mean, aside from her general disdain for anything that has a pulse and moves.”

“With Trixie?” Bianca confirmed. Katya nodded. “Oh, this is old news. Her Royal Hardass doesn’t share, but Sleeping Beauty’s got a soft spot for one Trixie Mattel.”

The dots aligned in Katya’s head once again. “Violet’s the pumpkin carriage!” She whisper-shouted.

“Bitch, that was not English,” Bianca snarked, “You been hanging around with Jose Cuervo?”

Katya rolled her eyes at her friend’s question, “I have ninety-nine problems, and substance abuse won’t be one of them if I have anything to say about it.” She turned back to the circle just in time to see the neck of the bottle stop on Bianca, who didn’t even flinch. Katya was secretly proud; her friend had bigger balls than most of the ‘macho men’ at the party—this was going to be interesting. Since Trixie had gone upstairs to get her face redone, Detox decided that she would be the brave volunteer to issue the next truth or dare.

“Bianca, truth or dare?” Detox asked smugly. Katya couldn’t guess which one would be worse. Unsurprisingly, Bianca chose dare. “I dare you to ask Max for his number.” There was, again, a chorus of oohs, and it was Bianca’s turn to roll her eyes.

“Really, bitch?” Bianca asked. She stood up and righted her denim shorts before striding over to the meatheads playing beer pong with a clear purpose and her head held high.

Because Bianca could run with the boys, no one batted an eye—unless she wanted them to. She hoisted herself up onto the pool table in front of Max and held out an upturned palm. They were too far away to make out their conversation, and Katya was a terrible lip reader at best, but she could picture how the exchange would go down:

“Gimme ya’ numbah, beefstick,” She imitated Bianca in her head. The 1920s gangster voice was a bold choice, but she wasn’t going to mock it just yet.

“D’uhh…okay,” Fake Max droned.

The blonde chuckled to herself as the real Max stuck a fist in the pockets of his jeans and fished around. Finally, he produced what looked like a wadded up gum wrapper and snagged a pen from his pal, presumably jotting down his number. Bianca hastily took the offering and sashayed back to the group of girls. She dropped the wrapper in Detox’s lap before taking her seat by Katya.

While the hens squawked over her success, Bianca leaned over to Katya and whispered, “Never let a bitch see you sweat.” Katya had so many questions, but she wouldn’t be able to ask them until later. It was Bianca’s turn to spin the bottle, and Adore, unsurprisingly, chose truth when landed on.

“Adore, which girl on the squad is the skunkiest?” Bianca waggled her thick, black brows. Because she was the mascot and didn’t change in the locker room, she genuinely had no idea how rank the girls smelled after practice or a game. Sue her; she was curious. What Bianca also didn’t know was that the question had a definitive answer, and that answer would do damage far beyond her intent to poke a little harmless and innocent fun at one of the girls.

Even completely sloshed, Adore recognized the gravity of the question. “Fuck! If I drink any more, I’m gonna be sick,” Adore groaned. Her teammates looked at her with pity in their eyes.

“Yeah but it’s not like anyone’s ever died from drinking too much!” Laganja came to her rescue, topping off her cup, “What’s one more?” Adore could only offer her a weak smile.

“Uh, I think I’m just gonna spin the thing now…For everyone’s sake,” Adore informed the group. The bottle landed on Gia, and she picked dare.

The turns only seemed to bleed together as time went on. After Gia drank from the toilet, Roxy refused to reveal her weight. Laganja told her dad she was eloping in Vegas, and when she spun the bottle it landed on Violet. Because ladies don’t kiss and tell, the brunette tossed one back instead of revealing the number of sexual partners she’s had. Alyssa confessed that she was afraid she would never achieve her dream of owning her own dance studio. Courtney shared that she’d never been in love, and Willam exposed her entire browser history, telling Katya a lot more than she wanted to know about the girl. For obvious reasons, Joslyn refused to eat a raw egg. Detox followed by removing Adore’s socks with her teeth. Katya played it safe and suggested that Bianca would be a bad date because she’s insulting people all the time before daring Gia to reveal any childhood nickname she had. Things didn’t start going downhill until the bottle landed on Violet a second time.

“Violet,” Gia cooed, “Truth or dare?”.

“Truth,” Violet answered with an unreadable expression.

Gia thought for a moment before asking the first truly problematic question of the night, “Who in this room do you like the least?”

Ruh-roh, Katya winced.

Violet didn’t waste a moment before answering, “Willam.” There was a collective gasp across the room. Willam, on her part, didn’t seem to be phased in the slightest. Then again, you could never really read Willam Belli.

Pearl and Trixie returned, arm in arm, before Violet could spin the bottle. Katya’s jaw—along with all the other girls’—dropped. Trixie looked gorgeous. Pearl reclaimed her seat next to Violet, much to the cheerleader’s delight, but brought Trixie with her. At the group’s insistence, Trixie was allowed to take the turn that she missed, and Detox was dared to call a random number in her phone and deliver the worst pickup line she could think of. Katya was glad for the change in the room’s atmosphere after Violet’s confession until Detox took her turn. After the call, Detox dared Violet to spend the next hour trapped in a bathroom with another girl from the circle chosen at random. Anyone who didn’t know Detox might think she was trying to create a seven minutes in heaven type deal, but even Katya could pick up on her intent to stir up trouble. She pitied the poor soul who ended up stuck in there.

Of course that poor soul ended up being her, and she wasn’t about to pussy out in front of the most popular girls in school. Peer pressure was a bitch. Judge, jury, and executioner had all decided it was her time, and she accepted that; she just wished her death march had a better soundtrack. Katya would be cooped up in one of the Honards’ bathrooms with a less than pleasant—soon to be considerably more less than pleasant—Violet Chachki. She was going to punch Detox in her stupid mouth.

Katya entered the bathroom the same way she’d rip off a band-aid: quickly and without much thought for the immediate consequences. Violet, who was perched on the bathroom counter, had been engrossed in her phone when the door swung open to reveal the one girl that she just couldn’t seem to get away from. Unsurprisingly, the cheerleader wasn’t thrilled.

“Really, bitch?” Violet griped, giving Katya a once over. It wasn’t like the situation was ideal for either of them.

Katya put her hands on her hips, “You know what you can suck? My whole dick.” She unenthusiastically plunked herself down against the wall opposite of the door. “We’ve got two options, Chachki, we can either suck it up and spend the next hour in here in silence, or we can French a little.” Violet was aghast at her words. If Katya were a proper woman, she might have been able to hold in the cackling fit prompted by the girl’s scandalized reaction. Violet wasn’t impressed with her wheezing, either. Katya finally calmed down and attempted to explain herself, “Sorry, I could have been more clear, but your reaction was priceless.” She wiped at her eyes. “Thanks. I needed that. Detox said she was “‘feeling generous,’”  and if we so choose, we can suck face and then get the hell out of Dodge.” Violet sneered, and Katya wondered if it was with anger or disgust; she didn’t know which one was better.

“As fucking if,” Violet scoffed, clearly feeling as though Detox’s so-called coup de grâce was more of a personal attack.

“Well, I don’t see anyone lining up to get the kiss of the spider woman, either,” Katya observed. “I told you that you weren’t going to like it.” The cheerleader exhaled sharply, and she was surprised not to see steam come out of her flared nostrils.

Violet pursed her lips, “Just shut up and stay on your side of the room.” With that, Violet returned her attention to her phone, but Katya didn’t fail to notice that her expression didn’t soften. If Katya weren’t trapped in the room with her, she’d probably find Violet’s situation hilarious.

Katya had made the mistake of leaving her jacket—and consequentially, her phone—on the coat rack in the hall. Call her old fashioned, but it was a force of habit. Besides, she didn’t need her phone because Bianca was supposed to be there to pull her out of trouble if it arose. But are we really surprised to find ourselves here? Katya asked herself. No. Not at all. At least she found herself entertaining. Hoping to bring forth inspiration, she laid back on the floor, let her gaze unfocus, and tried to lose herself in the plain ceiling. Katya didn’t know how long she’d been drifting for when Violet’s voice shattered the silence.

“Fuck!” Violet cursed, and the sound of hard plastic hitting the floor made Katya’s whole body go rigid. She squeezed her eyes shut. I am not going to be equipped to handle this, Katya bristled. Maybe if I just keep my eyes closed, I can fall asleep. It seemed like a feasible plan until she heard the first sniffle. Of course I find out she has feelings when I’m stuck in a room with her, the blonde facepalmed inwardly. Why today, of all days, to be railed in the ass by life? Her left eye opened first, searching for any signs of danger before being followed by her right eye.

“I knew you didn’t like me Chachki, but I didn’t think you found me this repulsive,” Katya spoke. “Quite frankly, it’s offensive.”

“Fuck you,” Violet spat, but the usual venom in her voice was gone. Katya propped herself back up against the wall to get a better look at the girl on the counter. Her attention was unwanted, and Violet turned towards the door with a huff.

Clearly comedic relief wasn’t the answer. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Katya tried again. No response. The girl’s side profile was growing red and blotchy, and Katya had sent her mom enough photos of her crying to know that Violet was trying and failing to stifle an emotional response. Go figure. “I won’t tell anyone if you cry, you know?” She said softly. “Bottling it up is just gonna make you feel shittier than you do now.”

“Do you think I’m a goddamn idiot?” Violet barked. She wiped furiously at her eyes before whirling around in an attempt to intimidate the blonde. “Better make your fifteen minutes last.”

Katya was genuinely taken aback. Does this bitch really think I’m in on this? She shook her head incredulously. Her airhead friends would literally eat me alive, and I’m pretty sure I haven’t given her any reason to think that I’m faker than Malibu Barbie. If I were made of plastic, why in the hell would I keep my hands this small? “Are we really back on this bullshit, Violet?” Katya snapped. “I’m sorry you think that the universe revolves around you. I hate to burst your bubble, but I have better things to do than conspire against you with your teammates over scones. Get over yourself, Princess.” In her head, Katya blew the smoke from the pistols in her hands. Call me perestroika, Mother, for I am reforming problematic practices, she hooted.

“Whatever,” Violet grumbled. Katya, on the other hand, wasn’t willing to let this go; some conversation was better than nothing.

“How’s the back?” The blonde inquired and was pleasantly surprised when Violet outright snorted at the shift in conversation. Katya took her in as she threw her head back in laughter. There was something about this Violet—the unguarded and natural Violet—that captivated her. Violet’s eyes crinkled, and she clasped a hand over her mouth in a flimsy attempt to stifle the noises she was making. It was frustratingly endearing.

Violet cleared her throat before answering, “Fucked. I’m considering outlawing acrylics on the squad. That shit’s not even practical for a cheerleader, and it’s hurting like a bitch to corset.”

“You’re wearing a corset?” Katya gasped. For the first time that night, she took all of Violet in. She wore a nude illusion dress with a loose black lattice pattern. It covered just a little more than her ass and was cinched at the waist with a rocker belt, squeezing her in a way that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. How in the world do you hide a corset under that? Katya wondered. In addition to the dress, she donned thigh high, slick black boots and a thick, black leather choker that looked more like a collar. Hot damn, Katya could n e v e r, and she knew it. She finally composed herself, “First of all, you’re literally a cheerleader with a body to die for. Second of all, why wear something that hurts you?”

The cheerleader didn’t even seem phased by the inquiries, almost like she’d dealt with them hundreds of times before, “Pain is beauty, and I’m the prettiest.” Katya couldn’t argue there. Violet was beautiful, but she still thought her ideology was questionable.

“So what actually happened at the pep rally? We all saw you fall, but I’ll believe it was your fault when the garden is full of ducks holding pastry in their hands. You’re too much of a hardass.”

Violet raised her eyebrows, as if daring Katya to say it again, “I will let that slide only because it’s technically a compliment. And you’d be correct; I am a professional, unlike others. You’d do well to take note: one of my biggest pet peeves is when people don’t take the things I love as seriously as I do. I accept nothing less than perfection.”

“That must be lonely,” Katya couldn’t stop the words from spilling from her mouth. “You know, having such high standards? Does anyone ever make the cut?” Opening her mouth was clearly a mistake because Violet seemed to shut down all at once.

“What do you know about how I feel?” Violet fired back, crossing her arms over her chest.

Keep digging yourself deeper, why don’t ya? Katya shook her head. She needed to tread carefully. It was a miracle that she had even been having a civil conversation with Violet in the first place, and she didn’t want to ruin the progress they had made. “I know that you work harder than anyone else on that squad, and nobody gives you credit or appreciates you for it,” Katya began. “I know that people are fast to discredit your talent because of how young you are. I know that you’re waiting for the day those bitches stop hoping that you’ll screw up or get hurt, the day you can finally stop looking over your shoulder, the day that you no longer have to prove yourself. I know that you’re tired of fighting tooth and nail for the respect that you’ll probably never earn, and I know it’s fucking hard for you to pretend that your peers aren’t harboring resentment towards you. I know that at night you try to wash it all away because you’re still holding out hope that it will all be worth it in the end. Cheer and theatre aren’t that different. It was obvious in the gym, and it’s obvious now.” Katya took a deep breath. Maybe she’d been thinking a little more about Violet that afternoon than she’d like to admit. She hadn’t meant to go off on a tangent like that, but she certainly didn’t regret what she said. Based on Violet’s reaction, however, maybe she should have. The brunette’s hands were clenched into tight fists at her sides, and tears began to roll down her cheeks. Katya tried to backtrack, “Violet I—”

Katya was cut off by the bathroom door swinging open. Pearl, who stood oblivious on the other side, immediately noticed the state of her friend. “Vi?” Pearl approached her hesitantly. Violet’s gaze didn’t move from the floor. “Hey, what’s going on? Talk to me.” She moved to lift Violet’s chin up, but Violet recoiled from her touch.

“Don’t touch me!” Violet shouted, her voice almost frantic. Katya’s eyes darted from one girl to the other. Pearl, who was visibly shocked by her reaction, looked hurt, which was very uncharacteristic for the mellow girl. Katya, herself, had never seen anything but characteristic nonchalance reflected on Pearl’s face, and the change made her uneasy.

Pearl took a reluctant step forward and spoke in a whisper, “Violet, did something happen? You know you can tell me anything.”

“Is that the truth, Pearl?” The brunette questioned. “Because clearly I don’t know you as well as I thought I did.”

Pearl shook her head in frustration. “Cut the crap, Vi,” She demanded, “You’re literally my best friend, and—”

“Bullshit!” Violet interrupted. “I call motherfucking bullshit!” Both girls were standing now with less than a foot between them, the situation escalating by the second, and Katya was stuck in the middle of it. She tried to push her back further into the solid wall behind her, but there was nowhere for her to go. Fuck me! Katya grimaced. Why is Toxic so damn appropriate right now?

“What the hell, Violet?” Pearl shouted back. “God, you’re fucking impossible.”

“Fuck you, Pearl!” Violet pushed Pearl, and the blonde hit the wall with a dull thud. “Fuck you! You and I are done! You hear me? Done! Save your goddamn lies for that pathetic dress up doll. I never want to see you again.” With a huff, Violet stormed out of the bathroom, leaving an uncomfortable Katya and a drained Pearl alone. What the fuck just happened? Katya tried and failed to process the encounter.

She was caught off guard when Pearl finally acknowledged her presence. “Forecast predicts drinking to forget,” Pearl deadpanned, nodding her head towards the door Violet had just stormed through. “Want in?” Katya shook her head furiously. Getting piss drunk with those two would be like making smalltalk with a Molotov cocktail. She’d pass. She’d pass hard. Pearl seemed to understand. “It’s flazéda or whatever,” The corners of her mouth turned up slightly. “Just do me a solid and remind me to fuck with Willam’s weed on Monday.”

Katya didn’t know what “‘flazéda’” meant, or the why and how of Pearl tampering with Willam’s weed, but the questions weren’t enough to persuade her to stick around the party longer. When Pearl left, Katya made a run for the Honards’ front door. She grabbed her jacket before taking off down the street. The blonde didn’t stop until she could no longer hear the music pulsing from the house. Her phone buzzed in her pocket with a text from ‘Bianca del Realest’:

Bitch, where are you?

What the fuck happened in there?

Earth to Yekaterina?

Katya sighed and pocketed the phone again. She’d call her when she got home. That would buy her some more time to put the experience into words…and to decide just how much information she should share.

The drive home from the Honards’ was quiet—too quiet. Music normally made being in the car enjoyable, but there was something about the night that didn’t allow Björk to keep her out of her own head. It didn’t feel real, and that terrified the shit out of her. Life was monotonous, life was mundane, life was one of those stupid time loop movies where you had to learn from your mistakes over time and find out what was important in the stupid haystack of chaos. Violet Chachki and her ex best friend potentially ex best friend were not supposed to have the Chernobyl of all relationship meltdowns in Alaska Honard’s guest bathroom right in front of her. Katya didn’t know who opened this tragic can of worms, but when she found them, she was going to slap a bitch silly.

#rpdr fanfiction #katya zamolodchikova #violet chachki #alaska thunderfuck #bianca del rio #trixie mattel #roxxxy andrews #detox icunt #high school au #lesbian au #slow burn #fluff #angst #enemies to friends #enemies to lovers #girls interrupted #maeve #tw anxiety and depression #tw drinking

[ranawaytothedas]

slightly emotional venting...

I put the actual post below a cut if you want to avoid the emotional word vomit...

(TLDR - My anxiety over potential backlash for Maeve has caused my writing to slow and my anxiety over posting to increase because she is so much of a self-insert and I deal with a lot of my personal trauma with her...thus making her “problematic” in some people’s eyes. We also just need to generally be better to each other in the fandom... just a lot me rambling and spewing emotions...)

You know what’s frustrating when you want to put out new content but you are also in the middle of evolving your writing style and learning digital painting.. so you don’t have anything that you can/want to share. I have a bunch of half-finished oneshots....a folder full of WIP.... but nothing like... substantial... not right now.

Since becoming part of this fandom, one... I just am way more critical of all my work because DA is not an active fandom. The handful of things I wrote in my old style haven't done well.. I know that likes and comments are not the purpose behind writing but it’s nice. So that just makes me think I must be a shit writer... maybe I am... IDK.. but it’s forcing me to change the way I write to try and see... if I am a shitty writer. I have never doubted my ability to write fic...till now....

The second big factor is that has somehow, after 20 odd years of active fandom participation, I am actually scared to post stuff... I am scared for people to read my writing. I have lived a rather...shit... life... not looking for sympathy but it’s just a matter of fact. A lot of my trauma comes up in my fics (points to her AO3). This means I often write things that people could deem problematic. I make no secret of the fact Maeve is very self-inserty... Poly-Bi, snarky and deflects all real emotions with humor, has a soft spot for the unwanted creatures of the world, with a mischevious and sassy male cat <.<., that falls in love with a guy she has known most of her life and was like a brother for a time (this is actually how I ended up with my husband IRL), with a narcissistic control-freak mother who wants to impose her will upon her child... like guys... *gestures wildly* that is basically me... yes things are different but there is reason Maeve has such depth because I put sooo much of myself in her... She is fairly unique among DA OCs, at least through my digging and the pride I have in creating her and doing all this stuff for her is immense... like SO MUCH pride. I love each person that engages in Maeve’s content because like that engagement is validation for the countless hours I (and cornfedcryptid) have put in fleshing Maeve out (and she is still isn’t 100% there) and also because there is so much me in her... maybe I do take things a little more to heart with Maeve but... like I don’t know if I can express how much this character I created has come to mean to me...

So that fear of people reading her story and saying “Well... this is problematic. for all these reasons..” And then come at me is SO real. I has me actually terrified to do anything. I am not saying that I have had anything but fairly decent interactions with the fandom. Even the few times I have put my foot in my mouth or said something that was/could have been taken the wrong way... things were fairly civil. I am a grown-up and know that yes, I still have growth to do as a person... At 31 almost 32... I still have more to learn... but I just want to write my fic and be in my happy bubble of trash...

One reason I am so excited about all these little “fandom positive” things that are popping up lately is that it reminds me of the communities I was in back in the days of LJ and early tumblr... when people got excited over their friends and fellow fans creations... like some young people may have missed this but it used to be... amazing and I still am real friends with some of the people I met through these types of events. 

The modern world is a lonely, hate-filled, tragic place... I do all I can to make my corner of it less so...I retreat to the internet to find people who have the same interests as me because my life doesn’t afford me the ability to have a social life in the “normal” way... It doesn’t... I love my son, I would die happily for him... but he takes up so much of my attention, time and life... No regrets but it is what it is... I am home all day watching Paw Patrol and Super Monsters, doing laundry or cleaning.... It’s not some grand life... my grand life comes from being able to write fanfic...do art and make friends who enjoy doing the same...

I am really lucky to have made the friends that I have in this fandom, I meet amazing and lovely people... but I have seen a lot of really not nice things in my short time.. like these little events like the Awards and stuff like that can have consequences at times... I know this. I lived through LJ I KNOW THIS, but I also know that the intent behind these types of things are usually genuine and come from a place of wanting people to feel validated by their peers. 

I get people may be overlooked, I am one of them, but I also like to think I am self-aware enough to know that just because I may be overlooked because Maeve isn’t popular, my fear of potential backlash has slowed my writing to GRRM like pace so she has little actual content other than HC, a few drabbles and some art I did and really lovely commissions...that other people who even if they are “popular” don’t also want/crave/enjoy the validation that comes from people say... yes... I LIKE YOU... I LIKE WHAT YOU DO... here is the made up award that says WE LIKE YOU...  

I guess my point is... we need to be better to each other... I get why people don’t want to be nominated but it also is a sweet idea at it’s core... and we need to make this fandom a place (even a small corner of it) someplace where people aren’t petrified to post their fics... because feeling like this honestly sucks fucking ass...

#jane has emotional word vomit #feel free to ignore #I should probably delete this later but will forget