#each time was successively worse and more difficult to overcome than the one before. Once she finally got to the root cause of what was

[kajmasterclass]

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[aphrostarot]

Next Significant Relationship Pick a Pile

Who is your next partner and what will the relationship be like?

Please remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Don't force it to fit. I offer paid readings on my page if you would like a personal reading. Prices are listed there. Please message me or email me if you are interested!

(All poems are in Perry Poems: A Collection. You can find it here)

Pile One:

Who is this person? What are they like?

Nine of Winter:

This is the nine of pentacles in this deck. Usually, the Nine of Pentacles represents a woman, but not always. A person represented by this card is highly feminine and an extremely independent individual. They are very hardworking, they appreciate the finer things in life, and their hard work has allowed them to enjoy these things. Your next partner will embody this energy.

King of Autumn:

In this deck, this is the King of Swords. Besides being a hard worker and extremely independent, this person is also calm and collected. Before making any decisions, they weigh the pros and cons of every situation. Your next partner will be someone you can turn to when you have trouble making decisions. They are a very mature individual, someone who is extremely logical and can sometimes appear to be judgmental.

How will you meet?

Three of Spring (Reversed) and The Crow:

One or both of you will be in a state of disarray when you meet this person. It will be difficult to make decisions in your life, maybe even in one particular area. Several directions will be pulling at you, and you won't know which one to take. Your progress in your personal development will be affected by this. The energy I'm receiving from this pile indicates that it will be you who is struggling and that when you meet this person, they will be drawn to you because they feel like they can help you, and ultimately they will.

How will you know it’s them?

The Lupin:

The Lupin is a highly intelligent and confident individual. Here your guides are telling you that the way you will be able to know that this is your person is by recognizing that they exude these qualities. As far as the environment goes there may be some flowers around you when you meet which is a sign to you that this is your person. You or they could be wearing purple as well.

What will your first impression of them be?

The Goldfinch:

The first impression you will have of this individual is that they are a very organized free spirit, willing to travel. Initially, you may be intimidated by their confidence and their refusal to get involved in drama or chaos. Initially, their eyes may also catch your attention and seem beautiful to you. If you are highly spiritual, you may even observe that this person's third eye is open whether they are aware of it or not.

How will they affect you?

Ace of Winter and Queen of Autumn:

When you are with this person, you will find that you have so many opportunities. You will become extremely passionate about your career and life choices. You will become more aware and even more in control of your path. Pursuing your dreams will be so much more fun because unlike in the past, you will know exactly what you want. With this person, you can regain control over your path and enjoy life again.

What kind of relationship will it be? What is the main bond between the two of you?

The Empty Cottage and Eight of Autumn:

It seems that this relationship may not be a good one. Although this person will provide you with many opportunities in your career, they are not healthy for your mental health. There is a strong possibility that they are very possessive and jealous in your relationship, which isn't healthy. Your anxieties might get worse or they may not understand the reasons for your mental health. The problem is that the person is extremely rational and does not deal with emotions very often, whereas you are an extremely emotional person. Relationships like these do not mix well and you may end up feeling very alone as a result.

Current obstacles standing in your way?

The Lighthouse:

One or both of you may be lacking in the stability department and also in the confidence department. I believe that it may be you that is struggling in this department and your guides are telling you here that this is blocking you from entering this relationship at the moment. I know that with the way that I just described this relationship you may not want to enter this relationship at all and so you may be saying “what is the point of clearing out these obstacles if it won’t be a good relationship.” to that your guides have to say that you are meant to be in this relationship. It won’t all be bad in the relationship, there will be good, especially when it comes to you getting out of a funk and finding joy and drive for your passions. This is something that is needed in order for you to excel in life. This person is meant to help you in your career and your passions, which is why you are meant to be in this relationship.

How to break through those obstacles?

Ace of Spring:

To overcome these obstacles, you need to become aware that this person is going to push you to pursue your passions and career further. You will learn how to succeed in your passions and career through this relationship, regardless of how short it may last. As your guides are telling you here, this is what you need to hold onto so that you can move forward with this relationship.

What will you learn from this person?

King of Winter:

You will learn how to be a successful and driven person through this relationship. It may not be good for your anxieties and your emotions but it will be good for your career. The two of you may have a lot of 10th house overlays in your synastry chart because the energy of this relationship is not at all emotional, it is way more career-centered.

If you would like to see some channeled messages from this person and spirit regarding this relationship click here.

Pile Two:

Who is this person? What are they like?

The Hermit:

The person may be a Virgo or have significant Virgo placements or energies in their chart, more than likely they are a Virgo Rising. This person is wise beyond their years and prefers their solitude. They are extremely observant, and constantly seek to expand their knowledge. Additionally, they may even have a deep connection to spirituality. All that being said, they are highly sensitive, especially to judgments and criticisms from others.

How will you meet?

King of Swords:

You might meet them at work, and either you or them will have some authority. Based on the energy I am getting from the two of you I believe that it will be them who is in authority. Once you start working for them, they are struck by you and your presence. You are constantly on their minds, and they watch everything you do. The two of you will be following a very common office romance trope.

How will you know it’s them?

Seven of Pentacles:

Your future may not be something you enjoy thinking about or planning. You don't seem to be a type A at all. Your preference is to go with the flow rather than make a solid plan. It might however turn out that, once you meet this person, you have a greater sense of direction and need to plan your future in a more structured manner. It is quite likely that this person is very much a planner and a critical thinker, so when they are around you will be trying your best to impress them. It is for this reason that you will begin to become more like that person. It is also possible that both of you will be wearing red or blue when you meet, which will be a sign that this is your person. Question marks may be involved in your meeting as well. They could be in the environment or you may find that you are very curious about this person which will result in you wanting to ask a lot of questions.

What will your first impression of them be?

King of Wands:

When you meet this person, you will think they are extremely confident. Their ability to lead and their determination to achieve their goals will impress you. As friendly and outgoing as they are, I can tell you that it may seem intimidating at first because you are really hoping that they will like you, and they can be hard to read so you aren't sure what they think of you.

How will they affect you?

The Hanged Man:

Part of you knows that there are aspects of yourself that do not serve you. Despite this, you continue to do nothing about eliminating these toxic behaviors from your life. This person will help you to do this. They do not tolerate toxicity, especially from the person they are pursuing, so when you begin to see them, they will work toward helping you eliminate those behaviors. This enables you to lead a healthy life.

What kind of relationship will it be? What is the main bond between the two of you?

Temperance:

It will be a very satisfying relationship for you both. Together you will build a solid foundation and live very comfortably. In the end, you'll feel at home with each other, seeing each other as family. Perhaps you both have never experienced something like this before, and for you both, it is a breath of fresh air.

Current obstacles standing in your way?

The Heirophant:

You may be stuck in a pretty traditional mindset especially when it comes to love. In that, you may believe that dating your boss is very unprofessional and that other people will think you are sleeping your way to the top. The last thing that you want is other people viewing you negatively and in your eyes, pursuing this is a disaster waiting to happen. According to your guides, this mindset is currently blocking the two of you from coming together.

How to break through those obstacles?

Page of Cups:

Your guides are telling you here that the way for you to release these blocks is by allowing yourself to feel emotions. You can’t help who you fall in love with most of the time and that is the case with this person. Instead of denying yourself this relationship, your guides are encouraging you to allow yourself to express your feelings, especially when it comes to this person.

What will you learn from this person?

Death:

As we have discussed, you have some toxic behaviors that you refuse to let go of, and this person will help you let go of them. In this person, you will learn how to shed the old side of yourself that doesn't serve you anymore and be transformed into the person you were created to be.

If you would like to see some channeled messages from this person and spirit regarding this relationship click here.

Pile Three:

Who is this person? What are they like?

The Moon:

This person may be a Cancer or have significant Cancer placements, more than like they are a Cancer Rising. They are a natural daydreamer and will stop at nothing to make their dreams their reality. Because of this, they have very strong opinions about how and what they want their world to look like. They tend to struggle when it comes to trusting other people because they wear their heart on their sleeve and have gotten screwed over quite a few times because of it.

How will you meet?

Nine of Pentacles:

You may meet this person right after you make a significant purchase in your life, whether that is a house, a new car, home renovations, or even garden improvements. They may be the person who helps you get these things done, or you will simply just meet them around this time in your life.

How will you know it’s them?

Five of Pentacles:

It really does seem like you will have just purchased a new home or you will have some renovations in your current home around the time you meet this person. I say this because in the imagery on this specific card you can see a door with a house key. I believe that when you meet this person you will be in a great place financially but they will not be. You may even need to provide this person with a place to stay. You will know it is them because they are in a very dark place when you meet and you will be in a very bright place. This will lead you to want to help them get back on their feet.

What will your first impression of them be?

Eight of Pentacles (reversed):

You may not have a good impression of them when you first meet them. You will think that they are lazy and have a bad reputation, especially when it comes to money. I get the feeling that you will know who this person is because they may be a family friend or a friend’s friend. However, you will not have officially met this person or really gotten to know them, hence you having quite a bad impression of them. I think that someone will ask you to invite them to stay with you and you will say yes even though you don’t want to. This is because in your eyes this person has gotten to their dark place because of their own actions and you feel like helping them will only encourage their behavior. However, you will be wrong about your impression of them and once they come to stay with you, you will see a different side of them and realize this.

How will they affect you?

Ace of Swords:

You will experience many powerful emotions with this person. They will make you hate them so much one day but then the next day you will be madly in love with them. You may have been in relationships in the past that were filled with simplicity and ease. You will experience an entirely new type of relationship with this person, one that will send your adrenaline soaring.

What kind of relationship will it be? What is the main bond between the two of you?

Eight of Wands:

You two will never grow tired of each other. Even when you are apart, you will always want to stay in touch. Whenever you are with this person, you will feel as if you can tell them anything. With this person, you will feel at ease, and you won't worry about what others think of you because of how comfortable you feel around them. You will be able to fully express yourself around them without fear.

Current obstacles standing in your way?

Three of Pentacles (reversed):

Right now your ego is getting in your way when it comes to this relationship. You may believe that you are better than this person and therefore you do not need them in your life. There is another part of you that may even be struggling when it comes to working in teams, you currently prefer working on your own and do not go out of your way to hang out with other people or work with others. Your guides are saying that this is blocking you from experiencing this relationship.

How to break through those obstacles?

The Tower (reversed):

You have been holding off the inevitable for quite some time now because you fear change and this person will be bringing you to change. Your guides are telling you here that you need to release your fears and allow this person to come forward. They are telling you that they have your best interest at heart and would never bring you something you can’t handle and this person is someone that you are meant to be with.

Two of Cups:

Part of you may think that this relationship will not be true love or you may even believe that you are not worthy of true love and your guides are telling you that you are incorrect. This person will show you a whole new side of what love means and feels like. They say that it is definitely true love, even if it isn’t how you define what true love is.

What will you learn from this person?

Six of Wands:

In your mind, you think you know what success looks like, whether that be in love, or just in life. The only problem is that you are still not expanding your view of what success really looks like, and it will be this person who is able to introduce you to the different facets of success. Through them, you will learn how to truly experience success in all of its glory.

If you would like to see some channeled messages from this person and spirit regarding this relationship click here.

Pile Four:

Who is this person? What are they like?

Ace of Cups and Strength:

This person may be a Leo or have significant Leo placements, more than likely they are a Leo Rising. They may also have significant water placements. They are extremely confident and courageous. They hold a great deal of power and many people come to them for guidance. They are also extremely romantic and sensitive. They love love and are a huge hopeless romantic.

How will you meet?

The Artist:

It is possible that one or both of you are artists. A gallery opening or an art museum may be the place where you meet. On the other hand, based on the energy I sense that one of you will have your art on display, and you will meet them through the event. You will get along almost immediately since you have very similar views on art.

How will you know it’s them?

High Priestess:

One of you may be wearing blue when you meet, maybe a long blue cardigan or dress. A floral pattern may be significant as well, whether it be wallpaper in the room you are in or someone is wearing it. This is a highly spiritual connection so you will almost just know it is them. You will feel how you have never felt before in their presence, it’s like they awaken your spirituality. You will feel your connection with this person almost instantly.

What will your first impression of them be?

Seven of Pentacles:

This person will seem like an extremely hard worker, someone who is very talented but doesn't see their own talent. You might also think that this person overworks themselves. However, you will also see them as kind and patient. You see this person as someone who has a lot of talent and is going to accomplish so much.

How will they affect you?

The Emperor:

They are very much someone who loves to be in control, and they enjoy bossing others around, especially when it comes to love. It seems that they want to dominate you and make sure you are doing exactly everything they want you to do. They will express a lot of their masculine traits in this relationship. However, it could also be you who expresses all of this rather than them.

What kind of relationship will it be? What is the main bond between the two of you?

The Lovers and Ten of Swords:

True love will be the foundation of this relationship. Both of you will experience the kind of love you have always dreamed of. However, this is not to say that the relationship will be easy, as there will be challenges along the way. However, due to your love for one another, you will get through each challenge together. This relationship may last for a long time.

Current obstacles standing in your way?

Six of Pentacles:

You may be an extremely generous person, especially when it comes to your time and energy. Your guides are saying that this aspect of yourself is hindering your progress towards this person. Yes, it is nice to be generous with the people you care about, but that generosity should not come at the price of your health or sanity. Make sure you are maintaining some boundaries in your life.

How to break through those obstacles?

Two of Wands:

It is time for you to set better boundaries especially when it comes to the people you are close to. You may be scared to set better boundaries because you feel like people will be mad at you. You need to release those fears because if people get mad at you for taking care of yourself, they do not truly care about you. Now is the time to make sure the partnerships in your life are healthy and the first step in doing that is by making sure that the partnership you have with yourself is healthy.

What will you learn from this person?

Eight of Swords:

This person will teach you how to get out of your own way. You have a lot of anxieties and insecurities, especially when it comes to relationships and this person will show you how to heal. Through them, you will learn how to let go of your fears and fully express yourself in a healthy way.

If you would like to see some channeled messages from this person and spirit regarding this relationship click here.

#pick a pile #pick a card #tarot readings #oracle readings #love reading #divination #astrology #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces

[magic-study]

All Possible House Placements

All of this information has been copy/pasted from http://www.astrology-zodiac-signs.com I’m simply putting it here so I can see the different combinations compiled.

:readmore:

Asc Aries

**1st - Aries **If your Ascendant is set in the sign of Aries, no matter if it falls on its first or last degree, it makes you an Arian. This position speaks of the importance of knowing one’s limits, your basic instinctive energy, and animalistic nature that needs to be guided, used, and sometimes contained. The main challenge of this position lies in the inability to see other people as equals, have tact, care for others or accept being cared for. It will challenge one’s commitment to relationships, marriage or their ability to find compassion for their own emotional needs, let alone needs of other people. On an individual level, these people are represented by planet Mars. 2nd - Taurus The second house cusp in Taurus is the most natural position for this house. People born with it have the ability to recognize value of all things, relationships, other people, and experiences in life. In some cases, this speaks of an accented challenge in which a person is supposed to learn about their own value through series of demeaning experiences. However, this is rarely the case, and has to be confirmed through a challenging position of Venus in one’s natal chart. This is someone who has a talent to earn money, for as long as their sense of the material world isn’t tainted with other people’s convictions and opinions. If they give in to guilt of any kind, the quality of their relationships will suddenly drop and they could have a hard time recovering from taking too much responsibility. These individuals were born to enjoy our material reality and should always remind themselves to do just that. 3rd - Gemini The position of the third house in Gemini is the most natural of all positions. It is a blessing in itself, and a person always has a smart approach, clarity in their choice of words, and the same clarity in their mind. In a practical sense, it often speaks of one’s attachment to their sibling, and points out that communication is an important part of a person’s life. Depending on the position and the dignity of Mercury, we can see how challenging or positive their mental world actually is. What people with third house in Gemini often lack is compassion, as well as reason when it comes to practical material issues. More often than not, these individuals need a healthy routine and to build respect for time and their own body in order to truly be satisfied and learn to get in sync with, and speak from their heart. 4th - Cancer Each fourth house set in Cancer speaks of the connection one has to their family. It is a house of inheritance in its core, and the sign of Cancer here gives an emphasis on family matters that came into one’s life only to be resolved. This is a position of gratitude, incredible opportunity, and all challenges left in one’s genes. Emotional issues will be truly important and the heart often won’t go where it is supposed to, simply out of subconscious need to find what was left by other people, grandmothers and grandfathers who lost something, have been closed up, or were gone before their time. The most important thing a person has to find with this position is the love for oneself and the ability to be gentle, slow enough, and filled with compassion for their own needs. It speaks of closeness with the parent of opposite sex, but also speaks of the lack of it in a challenging setting, and the way it affected all close relationships one is able to build in their adult life. 5th - Leo The fifth house in the sign of Leo represents a natural rule that strongly emphasizes one’s personality. The masculine, productive energy of Leo has to be used, and the worst thing these individuals can do is try to adapt to opinions of people around them, and end up in a strict routine with no room for their fiery expression. This is someone whose Sun sign is truly remarkable and important, on a mission to express through it and find happiness inside it, no matter the power of the Sun, its dignity, or the aspects it makes. It is good thing that these individuals are fully aware that happiness is a goal they CAN reach, and with a certain ease they will search for their center of gravity and learn to express in a way that makes them feel important. In general, this position means that the expectations of their father have to be overcome in some way, and a person has to find their own identity to build a strong character and reach personal satisfaction. 6th - Virgo The sixth house finds its natural position to be the one in Virgo. The connection between them is incredibly strong and grounding found through this link is truly an imperative in one’s life. When this is the case, answers to almost every physical issue are hidden here, and you can see that a person has the ability to heal and materialize anything at all, for as long as their energy is focused in the right direction. When we speak of modesty, it is extreme here, and takes some of the joy and color out of a person’s life if they don’t choose a career path they truly love and deeply care about. Work has to be loved and Venus respected more than in other natal positions, so that health can be maintained and one’s routine enjoyable and healthy at the same time. 7th - Libra This is a natural position of the seventh house, leading to a natural approach to relationships, marriage and an ability to be tactful and diplomatic towards others, no matter if they are our friends or enemies. People born with the seventh house in Libra have a natural ability to choose those who mirror their core personality. However, the sign of Libra carries its challenges in relation to the Sun and always presents a test when it comes to holding on to our personality as we get intimately involved with others. The good thing coming with this position is in the ability to separate social from personal life, but a rational approach can be damaging for the heart, and emotions need to be cherished and respected at all times. The institution of marriage often becomes important over time and these individuals tend to grow from confident solitary lovers to married, faithful partners for better or worse. 8th - Scorpio This is a position that easily collects all trash into one place. There is a deeply seeded knowledge of endings and beginnings of all things in life, while these individuals accept the whole cycle of life and death different than some other people in their lives. Fears they carry within go to extremes, from panic to absolute bravery, and it is not easy to catch them in a certain state for too long. While at one hand extremely ready to face any challenge that comes their way, they will give in to mass hysteria in a minute, and you won’t have any idea how this connects to the same person they were just a while ago. If Mars and Pluto give strong support, we will see that these people have an almost magical ability to face danger, stay calm in the most challenging situations, as if their whole energetic body is always prepared for anything. Depending on the position of the Moon their waters will be clean and their emotional state easy. 9th - Sagittarius The ninth house in the sign of Sagittarius speaks of a higher mind, in a way, and shows one’s need to travel, learn, and widen their horizons as much as possible. The trouble with this position is held in the inability to go deep enough to actually ground ideas and entire mental belief systems. Even though these people can be incredible teachers, attorneys, gurus, or motivational speakers, they will often have trouble accepting change as a necessary tool for improvement. Sticking to their moral convictions without a doubt in their mind, they will forget that change is the only thing that will truly help them regenerate. Aiming high, they don’t have a clear idea of everything going on at planet Earth’s surface and need a reality check from time to time, just to remember that distances are there to be crossed, not just to be observed. 10th - Capricorn When the tenth house begins in Capricorn ambition isn’t a problem and things tend to be as clear as day. The problem will arise once the person realizes that their lack of energy led to some bad choices, pushing them into unnecessary feelings of guilt. A mistake has been made while they formed plans in their previous lifetimes, and now they have a debt to repay being responsible, serious, and committed to causes that might not give results. Progress will be hard to make but when properly approached, high positions will be reached. Success will come only through hard work and correct actions that might even seem annoying to some people around them who always have an easier way out. This is a good practical position though, for there seems to be a deep understanding of reality and everything it might bring, giving one a strong sense of right and wrong as they grab responsibility for their life. **11th - Aquarius **The eleventh house in Aquarius speaks of liberation a person needs. Slaves to our unhealthy routines, choices, habits and relationships, these people will have a clear wish to be free and expressed as exactly themselves in their society. While humane and righteous in their approach, they will rarely be brave enough to endure in their chases, unless if the Sun is extremely well set in a personal chart. This is a position that gives as many friends as we need, to be there for us, wake us up, and help us find our connection to the Universal thought. If the positioning is extremely difficult, they become aware of the direct link they have to the skies above and wish to go there before their time. In most cases, however, this is a position that allows individual growth through the group and gives the opportunity to truly become enlightened and free.

**12th - Pisces ** If the twelfth house is set in the sign of Pisces, all secrets will be sunk even deeper than in other cases. This practically means that all digging through subconscious matter will have to be thorough and results will seem more distant than those others tend to dig up. Usually, these individuals tend to look forwards, fully unaware of their dependencies and ties to the mysteries of their distant past. They will live their lives unaware of their own inner faith, needing healthy sleeping routine in order to stay in a calm and peaceful state. In many cases, these people will sleep every day for eight hours, avoiding late nights out or losing sleep over any burning issues at hand. They understand that the night is not to be messed with and hide from their own family in plain daylight. With true faith in the background, it would be good to raise awareness about their talents and their true life within, however scary that might seem.

Asc Taurus

1st - Taurus If a personal chart begins in Taurus, we see a person of earthly pleasures, in search for love, hedonism and satisfaction. Depending on the level of challenges this sign, house or Venus have, it can be a very fine position that allows us to enjoy life in full color and using all of our senses. This speaks of an individual well-built, strong and static, and also a bit passive. With an Ascendant in Taurus you might be prone to gain weight or chase too many pleasures through self-destructive behavior. The greatest challenge for a Taurus is to accept the necessity and the beauty of change. Once recognized, it can liberate these individuals to show initiative, vigor, and when needed – fight for their satisfaction. This is someone represented by Venus. ** 2nd - Gemini** If the second house is set in the sign of Gemini, we can instantly presume that a person will make money in quick, freelance activities, rather than have a serious job that will bring a lot of deep, stable satisfaction. This is someone who can profit from writing, journalism, constant movement, oratory talents, or good trading skills. If there is a challenge to be faced through planets set in this house or Mercury, we can see that superficial approaches to value of things lead to disharmony and make a person nervous and edgy, while unable to create anything stable or big enough to meet their needs. This can also represent a “trickster position” and speak of someone who makes money from shady activities, especially if Mercury is retrograde, or set in the sign of Pisces. 3rd - Cancer The third house in Cancer speaks of inherited intelligence, for better or for worse. If one is born into a family of well-educated individuals with a wide dictionary, we can safely presume that theirs will be similar and deeply rooted with their ancestry. However, problems with any sort of reasoning especially when it comes to division of rational from emotional issues, has the root in the same place too – their parents. They need to build a strong personality and care for their individuality in order to release some pressure from their mind. The main challenge of each Cancer thinking individual is in expressing their emotions in a practical and acceptable way, and they will often fight the battle of reason vs. emotion even though they should be accepting both rolled into one.

** 4th - Leo** With the fourth house beginning in the sign of Leo, we see a line of proud and brave ancestors that led to the birth of this individual. This can be wonderful or challenging for there is obviously an emotional push into one’s world of character, confidence and self-recognition. The Sun has to be extremely strong in its dignity and aspects in order for this position to provide one with the sense of gratitude, confidence and satisfaction. This is a position that pulls with its gravity towards personal issues, fiery emotions, and a certain battle for personal satisfaction that is deeply rooted in one’s home and their relationship with a dominant parent that maybe didn’t give them enough space to develop entirely healthy emotions. In its best light, this can be a place of warmth, joy, laughter and openness, giving one the sense of personal bravery to engage in any emotional challenge with ease and clarity. 5th - Virgo With the fifth house in Virgo, the main challenge is to avoid self-criticism on a way to happiness. Joy is found in details, in things well-done, and everything that needs fixing and additional attention. This is the fifth house of practical issues and it is a bit hard to satisfy, but extremely rewarding when it comes to writing and expression through specific words and manual work. The problem, however, hides in the fact that a person simply loves damaged things, people who are in a way broken, sad, or chooses partners that need to be “fixed”, changed or accepted as not-perfect, whatever the specifics. This will be a lot easier if Venus is well set and one has a tool to reach personal satisfaction through relationships in general, especially in connection to the seventh house of the horoscope. If not, Mercury’s positivity will define their ability to find perfection in the most common of things and daily pleasures. 6th - Libra With the sixth house in Libra the key to one’s health lies in balance, as in all things connected to Libra. With enough information these individuals get to eat healthy, taking responsibility for their state and easily adapting to new working environments. The problem will arise in the field of relationships, for Libra wants marriage and official vows, while the sixth house takes away their potential perfection and turns them into fixable, changeable bonds that always have to be worked on. Since the sixth house is the house of work and our tendency to clean, fix, and make things functional, these individuals will usually choose partners that need to be approached in this manner, damaged, fixable, or unclean in some way. Even though a lot of intelligence is hidden in their relationships, there is always a lack of satisfaction and choices that seem to accent one’s inability to understand that they deserve to love and be loved in return. 7th - Scorpio With the seventh house set in the sign of Scorpio, ultimate intimacy is needed in order for the person to find satisfaction. This is a position very hard to please and the nature of the first house already shows the ability to create tender intimacy and closeness, usually dismissed and diminished by others. The trick to finding happiness with the position such as this one hides in the Moon’s pool of emotion, love for Self and the ability to forgive, forget, and make changes when the right time for them comes. Once this person sets deserved satisfaction on the top of their priority ladder, things will become easier and ties to other people will fade while a healthy relationship with their own life, decisions, and choices becomes imperative. Until then, jealousy and possessive relationships are inevitable, while happiness becomes this distant light seen from the underground ruled by Scorpio. 8th - Sagittarius When the eighth house is set in Sagittarius there is something strange about the convictions this person has. Everything that they anticipate will work – won’t, and vice versa, as if the entire Universe is there to teach them about the relativity of all things. While they are protected from danger with something as beneficent as the sign ruled by Jupiter, they will also have trouble with accepting all Jupiter related matters, teachings, and philosophical approaches. For as long as they feel their entire life has great purpose they will be fine, but this is a state that runs off pretty quickly and pushes them to new activities, choices, and changes in their life path that happen too often for the rest of the world to understand why. All negative things that happen will be a blessing in disguise and all positive quite the opposite. To understand that their whole life is turned upside-down, they will have to separate from common people and realize how different they are. If they lose faith, all can be lost in an instant. 9th - Capricorn If one’s ninth house is set in the sign of Capricorn, their beliefs can be annoyingly stiff. It will be very hard for them to make a change in pace or direction once they set out to do something. Their main problem is hidden in the real purpose of all things in their lives. This is why they sometimes have to exchange their practicality and common sense for a dream or two. The main objective with this position is to achieve a state of acceptance that allows these individuals not to push their convictions on everyone around them. There will be an ease in learning about ancient teachings, history, substance, and mathematics if their Saturn is well set in a sign that gives it dignity. However, responsibility they need to take seems to be too distant for them to reach its understanding. Once they do, they will finally have a chance to create a solid foundation for their future endeavors. 10th - Aquarius If the tenth house is in Aquarius, a person is almost always eccentric, different, dressed in colors you don’t see every day, or in another way strange to the outer world. An outcast and someone who is born to develop their mind, this is a person who wants to be your friend and knows that they have the ability to find enlightenment but don’t yet have the body to reach it. They need to take care of their daily routine in order to ground all of this lightning energy and power. We could say that in case of a good position of Saturn and Uranus these individuals become true children of the Universe, open to things larger than our human race and aware of the network that connects us all. With enough bravery and initiative, there isn’t anything these people aren’t able to create. **11th - Pisces **When the eleventh house is in the sign of Pisces, friendships are hazy and unclear. This is a person who has a task to find faith in others and it will always come with challenges and difficulties in their way. If they believe enough to spread love without many expectations, they could find those several soulmates that were deserved through previous lifetimes. Purity is the key to solid relationships, and with Pisces everything is prone to change and endings. Many friendships will begin only to end, pushing this person in the right direction. Others will be kept at a certain distance and lack intimacy. What these people need to do is sink in, and give in to every relationship that feels good without fear of betrayal or loss. If their friends are supposed to end up at sea, on another continent, or in their dreamland, this is fine for as long as they share an emotional bond wherever they are.

** 12th - Aries **When the twelfth house is set in the sign of Aries, it is almost always a sign that problems with healthy boundaries will be present in a person’s life. Others will intrude in their world as if they had no membranes to recognize and defend themselves from those who steal their energy. In time, they will have to “remember” what it was like to follow the passion within, fight for their rights , yell at others if that is what the moments asks for, and be true about everything that is on their mind. While Aries would like to have a certain goal and aim all its energy towards it, this energy seems to get bended here only to end up in a strange subconscious state where it is neither manifested nor used. This is a position that speaks of a past life that ended in aggression, in the army or from fire weapons, sharp objects, and most often “before one’s time.”

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Asc Gemini

1st - Gemini If one is to start their life in the body of a Gemini, they have to always stay on the move. This is a sign of spoken word, intelligence, quick experiences, change of character, and movement of all sorts. People born with this rising sign are often fast, thin, movable, unstable, and sometimes superficial. They need to stay well-informed, infiltrated in their social environment, and always have a reason to communicate or brainstorm on issues that surround them daily. Their greatest challenge is to focus on one goal, a point in space and time that gives their life purpose. They need to find synthesis, one thing to cover all of their information, and form a well-educated opinion only after learning their inner truth. They are represented by Mercury. ** 2nd - Cancer** If the second house begins in the sign of Cancer, this is a strong sign that a person will have a chance to earn from a family business or a private company of their own. This is someone capable to work from home, or someone who goes with the flow and relies on destiny to bring them their wealth. In general, this might not be such a strong position if the Moon isn’t very strong, but gives the ability to find incredible joy in food, cooking, and family gatherings. This is a position that accents one’s inner search for gratitude and love, and it will often speak of genetic predispositions as a potential for personal gain. It can also be a position that speaks of inheritance they have been spending since the day they were born, as opposed to inheritance matters of the eighth house in which someone has to die or give up on something in order for gain to come. 3rd - Leo When the third house cusp is set in the sign of Leo, thoughts are mostly focused on one’s Self. Even though this can be troubling to many friendships and tricky relationships in their lives, these individuals have a task to build up their personality and character with clearly set boundaries towards the outer world. This is a strong position that brings a lot of ego challenges, unless one is truly enlightened and fully aware of their infinite abilities, including the one in which they understand that there is no thing that should be taken personally. In a way, these people can become the happiest of all individuals once they learn to accept and nurture their child within, clear on their own desires and goals in life, and aware of their responsibility. Only then will they express their core personality with easy and shine a light on everyone around them. 4th - Virgo The fourth house cusp in Virgo points out to the lack of something in their primary home. Whether it is love or approval, there always seems to be something that needs to be fixed, changed, or nurtured in their soul, as if it was a bit damaged from the start. This isn’t a position that necessarily speaks of emotional hurt, as much as it speaks of emotional lacking, and one’s inability to reach the point of perfection in their emotional world that will finally allow them to be truly satisfied. Very often, this comes as a consequence of a deeply cold relationship with the parent of opposite sex, or a rational bond that leaves too much room for personal improvement, leaving one never satisfied with their own accomplishments. The greatest thing this position brings through genes is incredible intellectual strength and strong mental powers that one will be able to use, probably until their dying day. 5th - Libra When the fifth house is set in the sign of Libra, we see a strong signal that happiness is reached through other people. This is somewhat challenging for independence needs to be nurtured in order for any personality to reach healthy development, but it is also necessary to manifest oneself through other people and pay attention to everyone that make one happy along the way. This is not the easiest of positions, but it does speak of one’s ability to recognize true, creative love, and give it a serious glow, turning it into long-term romance and marriage for all the right reasons. In here, the love we find for ourselves is what truly inspires us, and it is imperative that a person stays in a good relationship with their own inner Self in order for all of outer relationships to blossom. 6th - Scorpio If the sixth house is set in the sign of Scorpio, self-destructive behavior is the greatest enemy to one’s physiology and psychological state. Challenges that hide in this position are not at all easy to handle, for their core rests in emotional dissatisfaction, forgiveness and change. If there is denial, dismissal, and resistance towards change, Scorpio will not make one happy and a lot of anger will accumulate here. This is a position of prejudice and the breaking of sexual taboos, often speaking of the importance of sex in a person’s life. Not only will it speak of repression, but also of unused nuclear energy located beneath our feet, giving practicality a special essence, and sometimes leading to obsessive compulsive disorders and in general, obsessive behavior. Once deepest emotions are accepted, a Scorpio-set sixth house becomes a pool of endless energy and everything gains sense and becomes as easy as a breeze. 7th - Sagittarius If the seventh house is set in Sagittarius, the mutable nature of it interferes with one’s ability to form lasting relationships. There is always something unreachable set in this distant sign, and the inability to materialize desires often leads to long-distance relationships, or simply bonds with people who aren’t stable, close, intimate, or those who are already taken. With Sagittarius, there is always a philosophy that leads to certain events and this position will simply materialize convictions. In the practical sense, we can understand this best through an example of a person who lives convinced that all people of opposite sex are not to be trusted. This specific conviction will lead to relationships that will prove them right, and one will be disappointed again and again, proving the image projected to the outer world in cycles. To move from repetitive choices, the person needs to learn and widen their perspective until they realize what sort of inner change can lead to a more satisfying environment. 8th - Capricorn If the eighth house is set in Capricorn, responsibility is something that doesn’t seem to have value to the individual. This can lead to all sorts of difficult circumstances in case Saturn is challenged and there is not enough rest and calm experiences in their life. The pressure caused by Saturn is always there to push us towards evolution, but with this position this pressure can sometimes be overwhelming and liberation is desired more than anything else. The main problem hides in the fact that this is held at an unconscious level and a person simply sees hard circumstances that create pressure while failing to see their part in avoiding them. There is always a side to their family tree that is hard to understand, while they lack structure and a healthy routine, especially in sleeping patterns and rest. If this position is approached in a tender and understanding way, with confidence and strength of will, there is no reason not to find a way out of endless loops family problems tend to create. 9th - Aquarius With the ninth house in Aquarius, one’s strivings and desires are never ordinary. Learning through symbols will be as easy as it gets, which makes these people turned to astrology, mathematics and programming. The problem will arise when a person with this ninth house doesn’t feel the need to accept responsibility for their own life. A truly disappointing thing here hides in the fact that their routine is shattered enough to make them too tired to learn everything that interests them. This great mind will be truly disturbed by the lack of substance, seriousness to their approach, and a sort of superficial Air-like nature that won’t allow them to sink deep enough to create a strong foundation for their ideas to land. If they take matters in their own hands and make a plan they will stick to at all times, they will feel their energy rise. Finally, this will result in their creativity leading them to incredible innovative moments they have been wishing for since they were born. 10th - Pisces When the tenth house is in Pisces, there is no saying how long their career choices will last. This is often frustrating as the purpose of each job slowly fades making room for obligations and responsibility a person is not ready to sink into. There is a talent somewhere in the horoscope of these individuals that needs to be discovered and used in order to spread their message into the world. Many musicians and painters have this tenth house position to shine like a lighthouse taking them home. The ties created through the sign of Pisces are strong and they will often speak of dependencies of all sorts. This means that one might have one goal in life – to shake off self-destructive habits and dependencies, no matter if they are in relation to narcotics, alcohol, or ex partners who made the world of this person toxic in any way. **11th - Aries ** When the eleventh house begins in Aries, things are never peaceful in this person’s social life. There are always new acquaintances waiting down the road, and this can make their approach a bit superficial because of the certainty life will always bring someone new our way. It will be easy to make friends but a little hard to hold on to them for very long. Boundaries need to be set and respected, as well as the dedication that flows both ways in order for their relationships to last. As if their God spoke through energy of Aries, these individuals often see life as a battlefield or a game that needs to be won. Once they open up to the Universal thought, they will realize where their energy lies and how to use it, show initiative, and move forwards just as they wish to.

12th - Taurus If the twelfth house is in the sign of Taurus, the mystery of the material world can remain a hidden for years, as well as hedonism and the chase for satisfaction in this material world. This is a position typical for those who have never felt real pleasure, and everyone with secret sexual encounters, or at least those who have the need to eat hidden from everyone else. Spirituality and real talents fall into the sign ruled by Venus, meaning creativity and inspiration come as a given, but only once they are discovered and approached studiously. True intimacy is found in secret bonds, and warmth will have to be built in solitude, realizing at first just how much we are worth and only later starting to search for someone who will recognize this. If one wants to make their dreams come true, this position is perfect, for it brings the Earth into our personal dreamland, making everything we imagine possible.

Asc Cancer

1st - Cancer When the first house begins in the sign of Cancer, it is often said to be the sign of home, family and emotion. What we often fail to understand is the sensitivity of this sign and its effect on our physical body. The ascendant represents our physical strength and this isn’t the best possible position to feel strong and confident, or to exercise, or train. Cancer-individuals are often pale, strongly influenced by the movements of the Moon, have a tendency to look like the food they eat, and always have a strong genetic influence on their overall health and appearance. Their greatest challenge is hidden in strong plans, unmovable will, a healthy routine, and responsibility they have to take for the direction their own life is moving in. This is a sign ruled by the Moon. ** 2nd - Leo** If a person’s second house cusp is set in the sign of Leo, we can see the ability to pose for money and this is often seen in models, actors, and people who have to be theatrical in order to get something for themselves. Depending on the dignity of its ruler, this is the second house position that speaks of strong confidence when it comes to material issues, but it can also make a person vulnerable to other people’s opinions when it comes to their own value. With a close correlation to one’s ego, this is a tricky place for the second house, for the outcome of every situation links not only to self-worth, but also to self-respect. This can be challenging if a person isn’t brave or strong enough to face all obstacles that could manifest through other people and the society. 3rd - Virgo If the third house is set in Virgo, this is a strange position that is as often weakening as much as it is empowering. While the sign of Virgo exalts Mercury and speaks of intelligence and incredible mental abilities and clarity, it is also a point of practical issues, matters of physiology and routine, and health issues that don’t need to be discussed as much as they like to. In many cases, people born with this position get burdened with their health, turn to the role of a victim, and some even end up in a state of mild or severe hypochondria, simply because they lack emotional satisfaction and search for faults in everything, especially in themselves. They have to develop strong faith and always leave room for love, inspiration and creativity, without digging for rational explanations for every single thing throughout their lifetime. 4th - Libra If the fourth is set in Libra, we see someone who carries a strong basis of their parents’ relationship in their deepest core. Since the fourth house represents our home, we instantly understand that this is a person whose home was balanced and seemingly happy, but the main problem of Libra is the inconsistency of the image shown to the outside world and the true joy hidden behind it. This can be someone taught throughout their upbringing to always compare themselves to other people, and feel to be superior or inferior depending on their success in life. The good thing here often comes from the fact that one of the parents was calm and tactful, able to teach responsibility and basic manners that a person will be able to use to make progress in various fields of life. In case of a good positioning of Venus and the Moon, this is a fourth house that gives one the image of what their own marriage will be like, as well as the ability to sink into closest of relationships without fear or holding back. 5th - Scorpio The fifth house set in the sign of Scorpio speaks of the love for deep emotional challenges. To understand someone who carries this position in their natal chart, we have to understand the necessity of change, pain, addiction, fear, and ultimately death. While the sign of Scorpio speaks of some pretty dark issues, it is also incredibly sensitive, emotional, deep and mystical, almost always speaking of talents that are supposed to be used, and strong past life experiences that have to be resolved. This is someone who loves their ancestors, even those that weren’t loved by the rest of the family. As a strong magnetic pull, the fifth house in Scorpio will ask to be manifested in strangest of ways, but on an everyday level mostly through constructive change. This is someone who cannot settle or be happy with little things in life. Grandiose and strangely addicted to the idea of happiness, they will often be unhappy simply because of their inability to instantly reach absolute peace. 6th - Sagittarius The sixth house in Sagittarius is in its basis a protective force for someone’s health. This is a position held by people with large pets, big goals, and dreams that can be brought down to Earth by a simple set of convictions. The entire organization of life mostly depends on a person’s focus and the ability to find the right calling and the right direction. For as long as things done have a strong purpose, health will be strong, as well as all that happens in their daily routine. Although this position can lead to weight issues, it won’t present a permanent problem or lead to chronic conditions for as long as there is something to look forward to tomorrow. The main problem with Jupiter is the uncontrolled growth of things, and this can manifest through large cists, benign changes, and pressing internal problems that sometimes have to be resolved by drastic measures. 7th - Capricorn Even though the seventh house in Capricorn often speaks of restrictions and characters that are hard to combine with one’s core personality, it gives a certain sense of responsibility and patience towards other people. With enough rest and solitude, this is someone who can predict other people’s behavior and approach them in a way that makes everyone feel protected and safe. The main challenge here is in breaking all walls around the heart of the chart’s owner and people in their life. Every hurt will reflect in the inability to form a close relationship, and memories tend to distract a person from building a future they wish for. If there is guilt involved and they think they have made too many mistakes, these individuals could even give up on love, thinking they don’t deserve it or they are unworthy of those who’d make them truly happy. Each lesson learned here has to be deep and complete, while one has to always make progress overcoming the static need to stand in one place, tied to those who don’t make them smile. 8th - Aquarius We are all aware of positive sides to the sign of Aquarius, especially those of us who love Astrology or commit out existence to it. People with their eighth house set in Aquarius tend to see only negative sides to this sign, and can’t handle the stress, changes, the movement of civilization, and fast conversations that don’t seem to have their grounding. This position speaks of the inability to open up for progress and new things, and even though the value of memories is incredibly important, letting them go can be even more satisfying for someone with this setting. Once they realize the value of solitude and freedom, there won’t be so many unrealistic expectations from other people, and mental pressure they create for themselves will slowly fade. Friendships have to be nurtured but also allowed to change, grow and bring all the challenges of interpersonal relationships with them.** 9th - Pisces** If someone’s ninth house is set in the sign of Pisces, there is definitely a mission they should follow in this lifetime. In case they haven’t found their right calling, these people will be dreamers, prone to stressful experiences that could have been avoided if they gave everyone in their life enough freedom. They cannot be tied down and shouldn’t ever try to bond too strongly to other people. When they give freedom they will get freedom to grow and find their right direction in life before they start feeling like its whole meaning is lost. The sign of Pisces creates magic, but also rules all poisonous and unexplored areas of life. This will lead to education in chemistry, pharmacy, psychology or sailing. For as long as these individuals are not asleep but wide awake and pursuing their passion, they will have a chance to truly leave a mark in this world. 10th - Aries If the tenth house is set in the sign of Aries, there is a natural need of a person to focus their energy on career goals and the material future they can build. This is the position connected to innovators and those who started something new, becoming widely known because of their initiative and their ability to lead the way. On the other hand, this is a signal that some anger, neurosis or hurt was linked to the beginning of the pregnancy that brought us to this world. This can lead to the tendency to manifest masochism, thinking of ourselves as unworthy or unfit to achieve something great, mostly triggered by the relationships Mars has with Venus and Saturn. To reach the point of personal and professional fulfillment, these individuals have to be brave enough to aim high, and start something new when the time is right.** 11th - Taurus **The eleventh house in Taurus speaks of the importance of social life for a person’s material satisfaction. This doesn’t mean their relationships with friends have anything to do with money, although they easily could, but rather that the satisfactions of the Earth are recognized through them. They will learn about their senses through social contacts and often have many stable, loving and tender relationships that last a lifetime. This is a typical position for individuals who truly know how to nurture people they love, without unrealistic expectations, holding on to practical values and morals. There are no false pretenses here, for they wouldn’t last, and natural approach is the one that is easiest to incorporate into their life. Their deep desire for love, peace and emotional stability is so strong that it often doesn’t allow them to change in a proper time or the right way. If they remain flexible, this is a promise of joy and financial security at old age.

** 12th - Gemini **The twelfth house in Gemini isn’t very easy because of its Piscean nature and everything it has to do with emotion as an entity entirely apart from rational thought. Speech can be impaired, while those with lower self-esteem easily turn to gossip and matters that aren’t theirs to discuss to begin with. This is also a position that could give a wonderful talent for languages, words and writing. It is a shame to use it on other people and spend too much time thinking of their business, abilities and weaknesses. Those born with the twelfth house in Gemini must have ended their past life with a vast desire to speak their mind, share their inner truth, and express their personality in some way. Ties that get created here will manifest through strange friendships and their relationships with children, but most of the time, they will manifest through difficulties in their mind they cannot fully explain.

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Asc Leo

1st - Leo With your first house set in the sign of Leo, there is always an ego battle that has to be recognized. This is a fiery sign that gives these people bravery and the ability to show themselves in the best possible light in the most challenging of situations. They are turned to themselves, with a strong physique but little ambition to spend too much time working. Warm and cuddly, those born with the rising sign of Leo can be incredibly “soft around the edges”, with large, round ears, handsome, and dressed in new and branded clothes. Their greatest challenge is to set free of the image they create out of vanity. They need to recognize their individuality and feel free to stand out, be different, become a rebel and think about the wellbeing of humankind. Their ruler is the King of the skies – the Sun. ** 2nd - Virgo** If the second house begins in the sign of Virgo, it is safe to presume that this is someone who has a thing or two to learn about satisfaction. This is a sign that brings Venus to its fall, and since Venus is a natural ruler for maters of the second house, we can see that the challenge here is to actually value one’s actions and successes, instead of searching for faults in everything they do. In case when strong Mercury colors this position, we can see someone rational and capable to fix anything that comes their way. However, it is still rare to find a person with this setting who is actually satisfied with what they own. Money comes from hard work, dedication, and attention to detail, and this is carried by someone who will rarely gain anything quickly or earn something they didn’t well deserve.** 3rd - Libra** When the third house is set in the sign of Libra, we can see someone who thinks and speaks of other people way too often. As much as this position can be good for one’s love life, speaking of childhood sweethearts, handsome neighbors, and the ability to see “the other side of each story”, it is also a challenge to turn to their own inner core unless they are properly built through their upbringing. This is someone who has to have a strong personality, always aware of their own judgment and attitudes, before talking to anyone else about them. Once they learn to incorporate their own opinions into the society, they become great thinkers and orators, with the ability to touch others and raise their confidence, awareness and clarity. If they become too judgmental, it is usually time for them to make an inner change and build a more satisfying personal life.

4th - Scorpio With the fourth house in Scorpio, we can see the strongest ties to family that often aren’t healthy or emotionally supportive. Scorpio is a sign that brings the Moon to its fall, and as such isn’t in the best relationship to matters of family, parenting, upbringing and closeness. The challenge of this position hides in the darkest, deepest emotions, ones we all try to dismiss, demean and avoid. A person with this fourth house position has to find a way to forgive, forget, and turn to the future instead of staying tied to the past, or to negative emotions that have to be let go. This is one of the strongest and most challenging positions we can have in our chart, and speaks of the search for true unconditional love one must find within in order to be truly happy. Once they find a constant reason to smile, these people become the root of strongest emotional connections imaginable. Until then, they are easily manipulated, held too close to home and dissatisfied, while unaware of the reason for their negative feelings. 5th - Sagittarius When the fifth house is set in Sagittarius, we see that a person has a great love for philosophy, travel, teaching, and education. In most cases, this is a good sign that will allow one to develop and stay open for wide teachings and all sorts of perspectives changed on their path to happiness. Childish and enthusiastic, there is hardly anything that can hold these individuals back once they find their true calling and realize what their main direction in life should be. Love and creativity are a blessing here, and this is someone who understands this part of life genuinely and deeply, while often expecting miracles from their loved ones. They need to keep their feet on the ground so they can manage to find connection to planet Earth, bring their philosophy to life, and truly follow their mission and their hearts. 6th - Capricorn With the sixth house in Capricorn, rest and a repetitive routine are the only things that can help one regain energy and feel confident and strong. Career seems to be dependent on outer circumstances, authorities that are hard to accept, and this is extremely challenging if the Sun has any sort of trouble with Uranus, Aquarius, or the eleventh house ruler. Capricorn will make this person take too much or too little responsibility, bringing matters of competence and abilities to focus, even though strength and endurance are usually not a problem. What a person always lacks with this position is rest, and the problem gets really serious if one starts to search for substitutes for it instead of actually establishing a healthy sleeping routine. More often than not, these individuals need more sleep than standard norms would state, and time needs to be made for peace and serenity in order for the body to properly function. 7th - Aquarius Aquarius is a sign that speaks of divorce and separation, as well as all oppositions that are combined in perfect harmony in nature around us. When the system is balanced and a person has an equal perception of their Self and others, this is a liberating sign that will bring a lot of excitement, joy, and constant surprises, while emotions tend to spark every now and then, creating fireworks in their love life. Still, Aquarius comes after Capricorn and its basis is cold and generic, while the mental nature of Aquarius doesn’t help emotional closeness. This is much less a challenge of honesty towards others, but rather a challenge of honesty towards oneself. We need to understand that partners show as unstable simply because of this person’s inner need to reflect in people who are different and on the move. Closeness has to come from the deepest core of the heart, and with a strongly set Moon, this is the seventh house that fills everyone around this person with excitement and beauty. 8th - Pisces When the eighth house begins in the sign of Pisces, dreamland is the most distant place for a person. This can mean either that they are too rational in their everyday circumstances to give value to their dreams, or that all their efforts to materialize their desires fail. Fear of failure and betrayal is strong with this setting, and they will be strongly judgmental and opinionated on lies coming from other people. It is typical for these individuals to breakup some relationships due to mistrust or disappointment, as their faith fades and even stronger fears kick in. They have to take good care of their boundaries and keep their membrane to the outer world intact and nurtured. When they accept their mission and get in touch with their real talents, all things around them will fall into place and they will reach the state of happiness and faith they wish for. 9th - Aries When the ninth house is in the sign of Aries, a person can be too passionate about their beliefs, not allowing others to express their system of convictions. Fighters for religion, ethical approach, college, or their own progress of any kind are seen here. In general, this is a strong position that finds energy in the future and draws a person towards positive change. However, any ties to the past will make their dreamland vivid and blur the direction they are supposed to follow. Once they feel they are on the right path, with a mission to accomplish and deep beliefs leading forward, these are the exact people who will learn about boundaries, conflict, and fiercely achieve any goal they set out to reach. They tend to find purpose only in things they are truly passionate about and wither in any circumstances that don’t invigorate them and make them feel alive. They need their talents put to use and the fire in their stomach constantly burning in order to live a long, creative and healthy existence. 10th - Taurus With the tenth house in Taurus, a person’s goal in life seems to be physical, sensual satisfaction. The position of Venus will tell us of the area of life this applies to, but it will always be connected to the search for sexual pleasure and the right, healthy routine. These people have to eat what they want to, make as much money as they want to, and enjoy themselves as much as they want to. Although this position primarily leads to a career in financial waters and banking, it will always be a simple sign that the love of one’s job has to be strong in order for the job to get done. All of the energy these individuals focus on activities that don’t make them happy, tend to take too much of their energy, making them tired and seemingly lazy. No matter if their calling is art, cooking, or finances, they have to find joy in it so the inertia of love will drive ambition to actually pull them anywhere from a standing point. **11th - Gemini **With the eleventh house in Gemini, we see someone who wishes to communicate has something to express and always finds several persons to listen. Friendships are fast, exciting and adventurous. There is always a lot to discuss and think about, while brainstorming is the most satisfying activity in their social encounters. On the downside, they can become too superficial out of their need to remain free of solid bonds, and while they would want to have enlightening encounters, they become less satisfying as they shut off their emotional side. The important thing to remember with this position is the importance of self-expression and our brothers and sisters, no matter if we have any from the same parents, or we have cosmic ones in our surroundings. For as long as ambition doesn’t make these individuals too static and committed to work, they should find the time to enjoy the benefits of this airy eleventh house.

** 12th - Cancer **With the twelfth house in the sign of Cancer, you can see a family secret instantly, as well as the tendency to idealize one or both of the parents. This is a burden of an entire family tree and a mark that debts were left in spheres of the emotional and the fragile within. Strange matters are hiding in the twelfth house and when Cancer is here, you can see these strange matters in one’s home and intimate relationships. Depending on a very personal position of the Moon, we will see how well incorporated this can be in their everyday life and if disappointment is their family story or not. The emphasis on sensitive emotion is also seen here, and we will come to find that the twelfth house cusp in any Water sign gives one the ability to feel what others feel, often being unable to recognize where one person ends and their emotional body begins.

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Asc Virgo

1st - Virgo If your ascendant fell in the sign of Virgo, this could easily be a signal that you were born to help others. Even though this is the sign in which Mercury is exalted, it doesn’t give much strength to one’s physical constitution and speaks of all sorts of health issues that might surface. It is a sign that shows a fine physique, someone who looks like a library type, with glasses, thin hear and a strong belief system when it comes to all matters of healing. On the plus side, it will speak of intelligence and mental clarity. The biggest challenge of these individuals is to see the bigger picture, separate from dull details and have some faith in the greater order of things. This leads to their problems with trust and makes them vulnerable to all sorts of deception. Their ruler is Mercury. 2nd - Libra When the second house is set in the sign of Libra, this gives an individual a sense of self-worth through relationships with other people. In a way, this can be problematic and lead to envy and all sorts of assessments that the Soul is not ready for, while at the same time providing one with a lot of material blessings through partnerships or a chosen spouse. In a poorly set position, this can make a person see their partner thought their possessions, vain and turned to belongings of other people. Luckily, this is not very often, but it is still challenging to value oneself with all the influences they get from the outer world. This is a predisposition to make money working with other people, in a team or through relationships, partnerships, law, or the chase for justice. 3rd - Scorpio When the third house starts in Scorpio, it is never easily handled. This is a strong, deep mind, often enriched with a sense for dark humor, and thoughts and words that are difficult to remain pure and free of dissatisfaction. This position is a strong one for science, research, and occult matters, but brings challenges in areas of the heart and emotional contacts with the closest people. Darkness of Scorpio is best seen through one’s mind and a person needs deep emotional clarity and enough laughter and easiness in life to accept it with grace and beauty. The best practice for such strong personalities is to imagine beauty daily and choose a creative line of work. If they manage to recognize the good in all things, it will clear up the fog and help them discover incredible treasures within. 4th - Sagittarius With the fourth house in Sagittarius, it is not exactly easy to feel at home, wherever one tries to settle. This is one of predicaments leading to a life abroad, often because there was distance and space in their upbringing that makes it impossible to incorporate their beliefs into the country they were born in. Satisfaction is found through education and traveling, and a person with the fourth house here has to remain true to moral and emotional imperatives in order to be happy. This is almost always a beneficent, strong starting position, with enough wealth and width to support one’s emotional growth. However, it can detach their heart from true emotional satisfaction and turn them to philosophical and mental issues instead of giving them the ability to find their place. Whatever the case, this is a strong guiding point to discover the entire world is our home, not just the couch we choose to sit on. 5th - Capricorn When the fifth house is in the sign of Capricorn, the difficulties of fear, panic, spasm, and an obvious lack of rest, seem to reside here. It is never easy to have the fifth house here, as it drains a lot of energy from an individual and speaks of the inability to enjoy, have fun, and share carefree and light activities with other people. These individuals are strict towards themselves and others, especially their children, and plan too much while forgetting that spontaneity is the key to true happiness. Great joy can be found in archaeological, spiritual, or historical issues, and their life path should definitely be evolving around matters of time, serious commitments and responsibility. The best cure for any chronic condition they develop in life lies in rest, meditation, and the building of a strong connection with God, however they might recognize God in this lifetime. 6th - Aquarius When the sign of Aquarius is at the sixth house cusp, it is always a signal that a routine found in the primary family isn’t healthy or supporting for the physiology of the person. Changes are necessary and fast food, light sleep, and mental preoccupation won’t help the stress or problems with nerves. With a strong foundation and a lot of physical exercise, this is a position that allows one to get in touch with the infinite intelligence of their body, making it easy for a person to ground ideas through a simple train of thought and this is when materialization becomes incredibly easy. With enough jobs changed, these individuals usually find their group of people, their cosmic brothers and sisters, only to end up in circumstances stranger than imaginable to any of their ancestors. If they remain open for change and find acceptance for all circumstances with as little stress as possible, they can become true innovators, able to ground any idea that comes to their mind. 7th - Pisces When the seventh house begins in Pisces, matters of trust are of outmost importance for any healthy relationships a person might have. Beliefs will create destiny, while there is often some sort of mission one has to fulfill in order to find satisfaction and happiness. In many cases this is a position that speaks of betrayal and strange partners, intimate bonds with people who are talented and artistic but also unstable, lost, far away, psychologically challenged or turned to substance abuse of some kind. Dependencies are almost inevitable here until one learns about ways to believe in their own abilities and believe in others in the right way and with clearly set boundaries. There is a lot of emotion and romance here and for as long as the minds of these individuals don’t meddle in matters of the heart they will advance towards more and more fulfilling relationships through life. There is magic to this position and the greatest potential for a fairytale ending is hidden here, if only there is enough faith and devotion to reach this destination. 8th - Aries With the eighth house in Aries the main challenge of life is to accept the constructive force of anger and conflict. If Mars isn’t extremely well positioned, this speaks of one’s tendency to waste their energy on irrelevant issues, these seen primarily through challenging aspects of Mars. Change will come pretty much naturally, but with a lot of fire and fuss and never easy. Instinct needs to be nurtured and most often this is the position of those born with an ascendant in Virgo, meaning they tend to overthink things and shove their instincts and gut feelings aside. The most damaging thing a person can do with this setting is to approach life reasonably instead of instinctively. This is also a setting that accents the fact that all problems with young men full of energy, leadership, police, or army, have to be mended and brought to a level of emotional acceptance and understanding. 9th - Taurus If the ninth house is set in Taurus, the purpose of a person’s life is always found somewhere in the material world. Experience needs to be built in the real world, through financial and physical matters, and this is the exact reason why these individuals turn to education in fields of finance, agriculture, cooking, or real estate. For as long as they don’t lack initiative and primal energy, they can truly be fantastic in practical issues, but also tend to close up for new experiences if they get hurt or disappointed. This is a tricky position for as much as the beneficent sign of Taurus can be mellow it can also be lazy, static, or stiff to accept change and the beauty of constant movement. There is a special joy these people find in tradition if their Venus is beneficently set, and they will strive to reach family values and practical pleasures as much as they can in this lifetime. 10th - Gemini If the tenth house is set in Gemini, we can instantly presume that a person likes to talk and be seen talking. Just as the seventh house Gemini likes to share their opinions with the world, this is someone who not only shares, but also lets information define them in the society. This position often leads to strange circumstances in which gossip, nicknames, and empty stories surround one, until they find the right words to show their true selves. People with the tenth house in Gemini have to learn to be carefree and deep at the same time, quick enough to take action and human enough to make mistakes. If they build up a beautiful image of their personality within, they will have no trouble manifesting it on the outside, creating incredible social contacts and opportunities for everyone around them. **11th - Cancer If the eleventh house begins in Cancer, everyone in this person’s family will feel like friends. This is a strange position as the eleventh house should be there to free us from our emotional ties, but this is not the case here. These individuals have strong feelings for those they socialize with, have heightened senses around other people and treat others with empathy. However rational they might seem to be, there is something warm in their approach. The desire of the eleventh house in Cancer is in emotional awareness, acceptance and peace. In order to find it, they will have to embrace their emotional depths, however flawed they might seem. The truth is they deserve a calm, serene place in their hearts and minds, but their genetic inheritance stands in the way too often. If they haven’t been told they are beautiful, smart and special often enough when they were children, they should make self-affirmation a regular part of their daily routine. 12th - Leo **When the twelfth house begins in Leo, the personality itself seems to be strange, sensitive, and unknown. These individuals will have to learn about their power and their inner truth, while they remain in the blurry waters hidden from plain sight. This is often a signal that previous life carried a story of success, and image that was maintained and remained important to the person until they died. It can be extremely rewarding if unconscious memories of it are pleasant and bring confidence and peace. However, if there was any dishonesty in their approach once upon a time, this will be the life to rectify it, accept the flaws in others, those we don’t want to see and don’t want to show, and find brothers and sisters in crime finally set free from self-criticism. Since the clear image of one’s Self is blurry, overall good of the mankind will be important to these people, as well as humanitarian efforts they often turn to at some point in their lives.

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Asc Libra

1st - Libra If your first house cusp is set in the sign of Libra, it is like your whole horoscope is turned upside down. While one should be able to drain the energy out of Self, people born with this Ascendant have to find it in people they are surrounded with, always in search for balance, and finding ways to mend relationships to the point in which the don’t trigger exhaustion. This will create a person that needs to be well-dressed and well-behaved at all times, often failing to turn to physical activities and personal boundaries in relation to others. The greatest challenge a Libra first house has to overcome is the acceptance of anger and constructive conflict. They are represented by Venus.

** 2nd - Scorpio** If the second house has a cusp in the sign of Scorpio, this speaks of finances left to us by our ancestors. Depending on our genetic predispositions, this can be a blessing or a curse, since it greatly depends on those that were here before we came to this world. It might seem like we have little influence on our own wellbeing when this setting takes over. In order to find joy in the material world, this is a position that challenges a person to find it in change and accept that the energy has to flow and circle at all times. In the practical sense, this means that one has to give in order to receive and there will never come a reward without it being earned through all sorts of deeds, life choices and ancestry. This is also a position that can speak of a debt that has to be repaid, and isn’t always easy to comprehend or enjoy. 3rd - Sagittarius With the third house in Sagittarius, we instantly see someone who talks a lot. This is a position for philosophical thinkers and people of wide perspectives, opinions that always shift to more positive views, and the ability to use their beliefs in the scope of their practical existence. It can also speak of solutions that always seem distant, in case lack of direction in life is accented and one has no knowledge on their own true path and destination. In a positive setting, these people are optimists, travelers and teachers, blessed by a giving nature and a mind that is always ready to learn. In a negative one, they get lost, talk excessively, while thinking and talking rather than actually acting in their own best interest. Scattered opinions and expressions will easily take over when they are tired and lost in their path through life. 4th - Capricorn There is no reason to make it prettier than it is – the fourth house in Capricorn is never easy. In the best possible scenario, this is a position that gives one the ultimate faith in the Universe, and a strong connection to God. With a deeply seeded need to take responsibility, this is an individual who often takes too much of it, usually grabbing some for every mistake made by their parents. This is a typical position that gives one the sense of guilt for wrongness they suffered at home, and creates a lot of pressure and coldness in one’s emotional world. Dissatisfaction and the strict regime at their primal home can give a strong foundation for the tenderness and love in the family they create, and this is the most beneficent use of such a position, however hard or challenging it might get. 5th - Aquarius The fifth house cusp in Aquarius speaks of strange priorities and people who dare to dream big. Aquarius is a sign of innovations, higher communications, and the network we are all unconsciously wired to, so this is often a signal that someone has a strong impulse to create something extraordinary, different, new, and incredible, if they only find a way to express their true inner personality. Love has to be real in order to last, or it will just be a series of failures, casual flings, and relationships that burst into flames as soon as some time goes by. With so much change, it is not easy to hold on to clear priorities, but friends will help greatly and the love for the divine will definitely pull the person out of any trouble ahead. This is a position for gamblers, good and bad, depending on planetary positions, and speaks of the ability to test luck with bravery and a “silly” but obviously productive attitude that everything will be alright in the end. 6th - Pisces With the sixth house in Pisces, there is something shady about the approach to a healthy lifestyle. Energy can get really low and reality can start seeming faded and lost, as if it was impossible to keep both feet on the ground however hard one might try. This is a position that speaks of psychosomatic problems and as such, always gives one the talent and the ability to heal, others as well as themselves. However, reaching the point in which the secrets beyond the sign of Pisces are entangled can be difficult, and unless a person already has a strong basis for medical or humanitarian work, it won’t always be easy to find a path that leads in the right direction. Faith and reality will intertwine, and one has to have infinite wisdom and patience, always ready to follow what seems like their mission in order to remain vital and strong. 7th - Aries With the seventh house set in the sign of Aries, tact is not seen very often in close relationships. There is always something hidden in the culture of conflict that needs to be learned, and the most typical scenario speaks of one’s tendency to dismiss the benefits of conflict, avoiding it even though it would be constructive and useful. This will represent a challenge in creating clear boundaries and in any case of repression, it will speak of anger and aggression linked to intimate bonds. In a very positive setting, this is a position that points to resourcefulness and vigor of a partner, and a strong attraction filled with rich sexual experiences in marriage and serious relationships that a person has. As soon as constructive conflict is accepted and strong boundaries set towards those who endanger one’s wellbeing, this becomes an energizing seventh house that gives strength and makes us feel alive. 8th - Taurus Taurus is a sign that celebrates life while the eighth house is the one to destroy it. One of the greatest oppositions of the zodiac is seen in this position and change will come as this slow, difficult interference with life that simply has to break at some point. There is something too different from what one’s primal nature would desire in this position, and to mend differences between personal and the collective might come as extremely hard for this person. Joy is found in bizarre choices, and changes are truly hard to accept. Transformation is slow and has to be enjoyed or it won’t happen at all. This leads to all sorts of problems in letting go of people, circumstances, career ventures and even physical waste. These are the people that have to throw used and broken things into trash and don’t want the energy of broken material treasures tainting their emotional world. 9th - Gemini The ninth house in Gemini leads to growth through communication. These individuals will learn new things quickly and with passion, while at the same time having trouble holding on to large chunks of knowledge or finding synthesis for everything they’ve learned. To mend the troubles found in overthinking, they need to also learn to stay concise and focused on one point at a time. If they have too many goals at once, they will rarely manage to reach any of them, and the most important thing the ninth house in Gemini has to teach, is how one should think and use their words. If they find true emotional intimacy, it will usually give them a strong basis to improve their approach and help them thrive in fields of oratory skills, public exposure, trade, and information technology. 10th - Cancer When the tenth house is in Cancer, we see that roles have been reversed, and the family this person wants to create resembles greatly of the family they came from. Emotional and professional are intertwined here, so it is quite typical for them to continue running a family business, or turn their lives towards children and the image of a perfect family. Many housewives will have this setting in their natal chart, but also those who feel at home when they are at work, sleep in the office, or start a new business venture with their parent. In the equal house system, Cancer on the tenth house cusp means that the ascendant is in the sign of Libra, the sign of Saturn’s exaltation. When we connect the dots we will see that these individuals have a task to learn something about compassion, forgiveness and love in this lifetime, even though a chase for a meaningful career might seem like their priority at first. However much they respect tradition, they should always hold on to their individuality and act on emotions to reach their destination. **11th - Leo **With the eleventh house in Leo, the image of friendships easily becomes more important than actual friends. On one hand, this is obviously a very important issue in a person’s life, and on the other, they tend to socialize only with people who make them look good. Self-recognition comes through other people and it can be difficult to steer clear of control and people who impose their will and show disrespect. The key to creating healthy relationships with this position is to put everyone’s individuality to focus. This doesn’t mean one should neglect their own inner being, but rather that each relationship formed should have a deep personal understanding and respect. Once they realize how each of their friends or siblings is special, without becoming envious or strangely tied to them as if they should become someone else, they will start to surround themselves by honest people with warm hearts. Desired respect can be hard to reach if they don’t have enough respect for themselves.

** 12th - Virgo **If the twelfth house is in Virgo, we can almost imagine the mechanism in a person’s mind making them seem stupid when they want to show how smart they are, and incredibly intelligent at the most unpredictable situations. They will rely on their brains while practical matters will keep some of their mystery at all times. Ties created here will have to do with old, used things, those that can or cannot be fixed. That halfway principle of Virgo can be quite difficult when we speak of someone’s twelfth house, for dreams tend to get crushed by reality, sensitivity by common sense, and vice versa. If a person with the twelfth house in Virgo wants to find happiness, they have to realize where their true talent lies, so they can use it and share it with the world. Very often their talents will be found in writing, detailed analysis or communication with the strangest of beings here on planet Earth.

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Asc Scorpio

1st - Scorpio To be born with an Ascendant in the sign of Scorpio, one has to have incredible connection to the material world. This is someone strong, fixed and determined, buy also deeply sensitive and emotional, however hard these individuals might try to resist this fact. This is a sign of dark makeup, people with strong, dark hair, large noses, and fierce attitude always sparkling from their deep eyes. Even if they are born blond, the look in their eyes will always show the power within, as if they had to overcome death even before they were born. The big challenge here is to accept the beauty of constant satisfaction, feel gratitude and forgive those who brought hurt or pain into their lives. Blame, possessive and obsessive behavior are just some of the signs that they have trouble realizing what keeps them healthy and alive. They are ruled by Mars and Pluto. 2nd - Sagittarius If the second house found its cusp in the sign of Sagittarius, it is hard to hold on to money or stick to beaten trails to earn it. Even though this is obviously someone who can profit from teaching, philosophy, or travel, the quantity earned won’t be easily contained and will be spent quickly. Although there is always a lot of luck where beneficent Sagittarius is, there are many unrealistic approaches and a tendency to overdo whatever the symbolism of the house involved. This is exactly why these people tend to eat too much, spend too much, as well as earn too much, or be in any way unrealistic about their own worth and the value of the things they do and their accomplishments. For as long as there is enough depth and common sense in their approach, here lies the seed for true satisfaction and earthly happiness. 3rd - Capricorn With the third house starting in Capricorn, we can see a pretty tough individual. Although Capricorn is the sign of depth and rational choices as well as practical use of all things in life, it is also a sign of karma, damaged things, mistakes and coldness of heart. To keep your third house in Capricorn balance, you cannot detach from your emotional core. Compassion followed by rest is the key to any challenge of this house, especially in cases where a sibling has constant, chronic problems, no matter if they are material, physical, or any other kind. At the same time, strong boundaries and the need for rest are accented, and one can easily give in to stress and discover that as soon as they’ve had enough sleep, their mind clears up and the future seems much brighter, or at least acceptable. If they learn to not take life too seriously, they can be incredible in-depth, practical mentors and a real inspiration for everyone around them. 4th - Aquarius With the fourth house in Aquarius, a person always seems to be in search for consistency. This is a signal there was a lot of moving and changes at a young age, or points out the importance of the divorce parents went through while they were still in the phase of emotional recognition with their child. The greatest satisfaction here is found through personal freedom, and it is not always easy to incorporate it in one’s relationships, dominant roles of their partners, managers, superiors of any kind, or any society they are trying to fit into. Emotional independence and clarity are unimaginably important, and without them, there is no basis for personal happiness and satisfaction. Keep in mind that this is someone who needs to find something constant and satisfying in changes, riots, ego battles, and their own differences, while the state of inner peace is reached through the most unusual methods. 5th - Pisces With the fifth house beginning in Pisces, a person definitely has a talent that needs to be discovered and used. Whatever they find love for will become their source of inspiration, and even though the sign of Pisces is mutable and not very stable as such, this is always a pointer to great love, one we’ve met in our past lives. Deeply seeded fears can damage a person with this setting, for their aura needs to be strong, their confidence intact and their love for themselves grand. In every other case, this can lead to all sorts of deceptions and disappointment, in the worst scenario turning them to the use of mind altering substances and self-destructive behavior. This is someone who should never lose faith in love, beauty and the goodness of mankind, if they want to find true happiness. 6th - Aries When the sixth house starts in the sign of Aries, we see someone whose energy is closely linked to their working routine. This is a position that puts an accent on one’s need to practice, start something new, exercise daily, and usually speaks of the energy rise that is triggered by changes to one’s routine. The sign of Aries gives initiative, and it is often “too modest” when related to the sixth house, giving a person the ability to work very hard, but stealing their ability to find joy in their achievements, always pushing forwards without stopping to see if they got something in return. The main problem of this position hides in Venus, wherever it might be located, for Aries is its detriment, and the sixth house represents its accidental fall. The important thing in this situation is to find personal value and avoid pro bono activities that other people might expect as a given. 7th - Taurus With the seventh house in Taurus, there is always a challenge of two sides of Venus in the field of relationships. Taurus is a sign of practical values and grounded, earthly beauty, sometimes too simple for “blue-blooded” individuals turned to fine, sensitive, outer beauty. The seventh house is corresponding to the sign of Libra, and as such speaks of outer beauty, makeup, pose and vanity in its challenges. When these two extremes coincide, envy will easily come to the surface and matters of balance will be emphasized, once again. Relationships can become vain and judgmental, typical for those who weren’t told often enough how pretty they are in all their glory. It is of outmost importance for outer and inner beauty to connect in one whole, so that all relationships in a person’s life can become truly enjoyable and filled with sensual physical contact and intimacy, which are provided by Taurus when matters of Venus are settled. 8th - Gemini With the eighth house in Gemini, changes always move through one’s mental plain and superficial approach is almost impossible to accept. This is a typical position for those born with their ascendant in Scorpio, and we will see that they have real trouble accepting anything carefree that lacks depth and deep instinct in its core. Individuals with their eighth house in Gemini will steer clear of small talk, often not realizing how necessary and helpful it can be. Dismissal of brotherly love or love with a sibling is almost always present, so it needs to be found in their heart and accepted for better or worse. Changes in life will be strangely casual when they are big and usually approached to with ease and vigor. This is the position that allows love of change and these dreamers will search for happiness in strangest of places. 9th - Cancer With the ninth house in Cancer, there is always a simple striving held in a person’s path – to find peace. This is not an easy mission for someone with their mind standing in the way, for our human nature often doesn’t allow enough silence and peace to reach that much needed state of clarity and peace. A strong purpose is always in connection with family issues that have to be resolved or gained through their own ability to form calm relationships with their partner and children. Very often, this position will point to the possibility of life abroad, in case it is confirmed with at least two more significations in the chart. Their greatest teachers are found in their own heart and they will come to see that only people they love can actually teach them anything at all. This will lead to some hurtful emotional experiences for the purpose of each feeling they have might be to teach, rather than last or provide them with that much needed peace.** 10th - Leo** With the tenth house in Leo, you get a typical manager. Even if this person isn’t talented to govern people and their Sun is weak, they will still try to show off and present themselves as dominant, strong, big, or as if they are the ones who rule. All beneficent positions that follow this one only improve one’s energetic state and provide the confidence to materialize goals. To come to any leading position with the tenth house in Leo, these individuals often have their family standing in the way. Either their parents will support them and give them all they need to lead, or they will burden them with difficult genetic debts that need to be repaid in order to blossom. Whatever the case, this position has a strong gravitational pull that won’t allow much weakness, let alone the feeling of powerlessness or the loss of colors in life. **11th - Virgo **When the eleventh house is set in the sign of Virgo, there is often something wrong with friends this person finds. While in the best possible light this could show friends who are healers, truly intelligent and incredibly dedicated to their cause, in most cases it also speaks of betrayal of some kind and people who aren’t adequate to fulfill a person’s needs. There is always a question of what is truly deserved here, and it is typical for them to consider themselves unworthy of honest social contacts who as similar to them as they should be. Usually, a lot of time will pass before they realize who they need to be around with, and this comes with age and experience if they don’t close their heart entirely because of several bad wounds. The greatest wish for those born with their eleventh house in Virgo is to be grounded, practical and caring. Lucky for them, this can be reached through inspiring relationships, healthy routine and everyday simplicities of life.

**12th - Libra **With the twelfth house in Libra it seems inevitable to lie or be lied to, and usually both. Still, if we put this aside, we can see the magical story of Libra in this mysterious house and realize that someone we once left behind is there for us to find them again in this life. Things that were lost in our twelfth house have a tendency to show themselves someday. This goes specifically for great loves, and with strongly set Venus, even greater loving relationships. If Venus is not that strong in this kind of horoscope, the obvious debt has to be repaid through emotional sacrifice of some kind. In most cases, this will develop through a romantic relationship in which the trust has been broken, finally liberating the person from unrealistic expectations. This is always someone talented to recognize beauty, often artistic and with a knack for drawing or music. However, they have to be very careful not to disrespect people around them in any way so that their personality has room to grow.

Asc Sagittarius

1st - Sagittarius Those born with the Ascendant in Sagittarius often get to be physically larger than other people in their family tree. If not, their perspective gets to be wider, their convictions strong and their mind extremely important. Philosophers and teachers, these individuals have the ability to see the bigger picture, but often have trouble staying realistic, while fighting with their need to see the world through pink goggles. Always looking forward, they are usually fun and a pleasure to be with. The challenge they have to face hides in their irrational approach. They have a task to recognize smart, realistic and practical sides to each thing in their life. This is a sign ruled by beneficent Jupiter. 2nd - Capricorn If one’s horoscope carries the second house cusp in the sign of Capricorn, this is often seen as a cross of destiny that cannot be changed. The greatest problem here lies in the guilt carried deep in one’s soul that leads to unfortunate circumstances and mistakes made in the field of finances or their eating habits. This is not a position that will forgive much, especially if one is not ready to take on all of the responsibility for their life and their financial or material belongings. A lesson that needs to be learned in Capricorn is always learnt best through rest, and one cannot see just how much they are worth unless they are well-rested. For as long as they are in a constant spasm, stuck in their inability to feel responsible for their own wellbeing, they won’t be able to see the healthy routine they need in order to become satisfied with what they have. 3rd - Aquarius When the third house belongs to the sign of Aquarius, we instantly see an incredible mind filled with brilliant ideas and a rich social life. This is a rebel that never relies on advice of others, and falls into the field of problems if they start feeding their ego through endless advice they tend to give. The important thing to acknowledge here is that everyone is smart in their own way, and nobody needs any advice given unless they specifically asked for it. With liberal expression and a mind turned to alternative ways of reasoning, these people make good astrologers, innovators, and friends, for as long as they don’t give in to stress and take good care of their body and their physical state. Without a strong physique, one’s incredible mind simply has no grounding to bring its sparkling existence down to planet Earth in a satisfying way. 4th - Pisces It is often said that the fourth house in Pisces speaks of family secrets and shady ancestors that have done who-knows-what. However, this can sometimes simply speak of the lack of clarity of emotion one receives in their primary environment. It is the image of a parent who wasn’t there while at the same time idealized, giving the person a constant feeling of not-belonging, abandonment and distracting, changeable emotions. Being lost is the least of their concerns in the case they have had to face addiction problems in their closest family, or passive aggression accompanied by emotional blackmail, that remains well-hidden from them even when obvious to other people around them. Of all emotional extremes, this is one of the strongest and comes very close to the fourth house in Scorpio, as all ancestors can be blended together into a mush that is truly difficult to understand, making a person feel detached, lost, lonely, or even depressed. 5th - Aries It is always invigorating and satisfying to have the fifth house set in a Fire sign. In addition, Aries is a sign that exalts the Sun and in connection to this house it speaks of one’s strong life force, confidence and initiative in pursuit for happiness. With this position, joy is almost always found in physical exercise and demanding activities, challenges and competitions. This is someone who loves to win and feels good as soon as they find the time to commit to an energizing activity. The love for Self is the most important thing with this position, and if individuals born with it want to find happiness, they always have to search for it within, with no regard to the outer world and other people. Depending on the positioning of Mars, we will see if they have the energy to do so or if this is something that should be worked on and brought to perfection through solitary activities. 6th - Taurus With the sixth house beginning in Taurus, we see a primal challenge of food, meaning it is imperative to find a good routine in this lifetime, eat healthy while also enjoying what’s on the table in the best possible way. Even though Taurus is a lot different from Libra, its ruler is still Venus and speaks of balance that needs to be found, in the field of material issues such as food, money, and physical activity. This is someone who should never become lazy, and needs to stop bouncing to and fro, up and down, when it comes to activity, weight, spending, or emotion. Since the element of Earth is an unconscious category, it is not always easy to approach matters set here through an Earth sign, and a lot of self-control is needed in order to balance out all of these things. A good start always hides in a healthy diet and an hourly routine that satisfies the stomach and the heart equally. ** 7th - Gemini** If the seventh house is set in Gemini, there is obviously a lot to talk about in this lifetime. This is a person who sees communication as a key to any situation at hand. Closeness is reached through conversations, people are met at social gatherings, and the image of a talkative friend is often too accented. This can lead to detachment and one’s inability to create true intimate contact, especially if the Moon is not strong enough to handle the mental capacity of a person. It is always important to work on the emotional state when this is the case, for only deep emotion, forgiveness and childish joy can make this Gemini partner as happy and light as it is supposed to be. In many cases, this is a position that speaks of multiple marriages, often as a consequence of overthinking combined with strange mental spontaneity, while not in sync with one’s heart. 8th - Cancer With the eighth house in Cancer, it is almost impossible to control inner fears left as inheritance by our elders. This is a typical position for those whose mothers were afraid of pregnancy, maybe feeling lost and lonely in their state of mind. It is a caring position that makes these individuals more sensitive than they might seem, and it is never easy to accept this deep emotional nature that hides within. People born with their eighth house in Cancer tend to dismiss emotions, pretending they are not as important as their rational mind, and will surround themselves with those who support this theory. This is dangerous simply because it could lead to overall fast downgrade of the level of satisfaction they want to achieve. Forgiveness and acceptance, joined with compassion and sensitivity, save these strong-willed individuals from breakdown. 9th - Leo When the ninth house is set in the sign of Leo, we see that someone has to clarify the image of self apart from their family, upbringing and values taught at home. If they are too proud to accept that truth is relative to all people, they can become pushy and force their opinions and convictions on everyone around them. The key to a healthy existence here is often hidden in their chase for emotional satisfaction and the Moon will speak of their ability to forgive, move forward, and accept their feelings instead of trying too hard to remain in a rational mode. Awareness will grow as soon as they realize how vulnerable they actually are, face the fact that they are human and that their emotional core gives them much more benefits than weaknesses. They will learn from dominant figures, their boss and their father, but rarely have enough respect for the feminine side within to achieve their incredible full potential. 10th - Virgo When the tenth house is in the sign of Virgo, a person seems to be born with a need to fix their own goals. They will rarely aim high enough or chase positions they might have been made for, as if they turn to self-judgment too easy to make any professional progress at all. This is a position that speaks of all those who end up buried in paperwork, accountants and worker bees of any kind. They will work for others, loyal and dedicated to the preservation of their practical benefits. Just as their other Mercury related “colleagues” with the tenth house in Gemini are turned to oratory fulfillment, these individuals will often have the need to write. Spoken word will be much more distant than the written one and their talents will pull them to journalism and writing of any kind. **11th - Libra **The eleventh house likes to be in Libra for its communication issues are focused on important relationships making it easy to form social contacts. However, the sign of Libra itself doesn’t exactly enjoy this position leading to too many changes in their emotional life, as well as breakups or divorce if they haven’t chose a partner who is both their friend and their lover combined. The search for balance these people need becomes clear in their relationships, emotional, social or professional. It is never easy to find it though, and they will jump from one serious social bond into another, in long time periods, as if they had no intention to settle for a friendship that isn’t perfect. The problem is - there is no such thing as a perfect person in this world, unless if you observe the entire humanity as a manifest of perfection. While these individuals reflect in their friends, they will never be happy this way if they don’t accept the imperfections in human nature.

** 12th - Scorpio **The twelfth house in Scorpio is an interesting place. Something as taboo and as hidden as Scorpio rarely finds an appropriate secretive hideout, but this position allows them to. The most unfortunate thing here lies in one’s ability to bury their own feelings, doings, or aspirations, finally ending up without any awareness of their true inner light. This is the sign that speaks of our shadows and everything we want to bury and dismiss along the way, and when it is set in such a secretive house, shoving things under the rug becomes a routine. This can make these people explode in numerous ways, ending up in strange circumstances, weird conversations, interventions, institutions or even jail. To see the magic in Scorpio this person has to be truly and deeply open-minded, fully willing to accept the most devastating, darkest and most dangerous emotions they carry within.

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Asc Capricorn

1st - Capricorn If someone’s Ascendant is set in the sign of Capricorn, they will be practical and turned to material issues and goals in life they feel they have to achieve. Depending on the positions of planets in this house and its ruler, they will be successful or challenged in their reach for a certain destination, defining whether or not they will be able to make a plan they can follow. This can be a sign that speaks of a heavy cross that needs to be carried, just as it can speak of a practical individual able to recognize the use in everything that happens in their life. Strong and stiff, these people often have a spasm to attend to, problems with their spine and bones, or their faith in God and their relation to religion. Their biggest challenge is to find understanding and compassion for those that are weak, overly sensitive or strongly emotional. Their ruler is Saturn. 2nd - Aquarius In cases where the second house begins in the sign of Aquarius, matters of value will constantly change. The only constant value the person will recognize will be seen in their friendships and common goals of the society, while it will be pretty hard to remain stable in one financial approach. This is a person that has a need to take great financial risks, just like they will take risks with their health and all the things their body can handle consuming fast and junk food way too often for their liver and heart to take in. In most cases, the first house of someone born with this second house position is set in Capricorn, adding a new dimension to the use of their energy when creating anything in the material world. Stable and with a strong plan, they seem to find liberation through money and this will often make them strangely irresponsible and full of surprises in all financial matters. 3rd - Pisces If the third house is set in Pisces, we have to keep in mind that this is a sign of Mercury’s fall. The greatest conflict of emotion and reason is seen here, and it can be confusing, strange, and deeply challenging for one’s ability to speak, write, or even think clearly. However, the sign of Pisces speaks of our talents too, and depending on the position of Mercury, Jupiter, and Neptune, we can see that one of these talents can be grounded through positive aspects and dignities of these celestial bodies. In order for the third house in Pisces to reach clarity, all mind-altering substances should be avoided, including alcohol, narcotics, medicaments and even nicotine. Purity within will allow purity of mind, resulting in purity of words and reasonable life choices. If they practice what they preach, they could discover that magic of life is there for the taking. 4th - Aries When someone has the fourth house cusp set in the sign of Aries, it often speaks of impatience of the parent of opposite sex when the chart’s owner was still a baby. In case of a perfect positioning, this is a sign of fiery emotional clarity, speed of decisions and the confidence one brought from their home and their upbringing. Each imbalance here speaks of pain and hurt, and even abuse or anger deeply seeded in one’s family tree. Aries is a sign of fiery nature, and often doesn’t give enough room for an individual to develop its emotional nature to the point of self-recognition, understanding, and enough compassion to reach the point of true satisfaction. This is someone raised in a loud home, with a lot of conflict, constructive or destructive, and gives as much energy to one’s soul as it can take it away. 5th - Taurus With the fifth house in the sign of Taurus, it is common to presume that one’s satisfaction lies in financial and material things. However, it is rather a story of Venus and we cannot say that it primarily speaks of money. This is someone who has to find joy in the material world, and such a position will often speak of the love for food and overeating as the means to cover dissatisfactions that lack of initiative prevents them from resolving. Taurus is a sign that speaks of creative artistic expression, and with a convenient link to the twelfth house, this is someone with a talent for singing and music, as well as any art that leaves its solid mark in the world. Their inner child needs rest, hedonistic choices, and emotional bonds accompanied by incredible intimacy and physical pleasures. 6th - Gemini The sixth house in Gemini speaks of one’s mental occupancy and the ability, or the inability, to separate from the world of imagination and thought, and come down to the real world where grounding in found. As Mercury rules the sign of Gemini, there is a link here to this two-faced magician, and it often helps the person to understand “the other role” they need to play to make their physique and their circumstances work for them. This is a chatty position with a tendency to draw one to gossip at a workplace, but also brings a talent for trade and small financial matters that cumulate to create wealth. For as long as mental problems don’t preoccupy a person, this is a practical position that allows multitasking and a realistic approach to daily matters and work. 7th - Cancer If the seventh house begins in the sign of Cancer, there is a lot left in the field of relationships from our ancestors and family. It is almost impossible to separate one’s personal goals and bonds formed with other people from those of parents and close family members that presented role models in the person’s upbringing. With this position, ego and personality have to be well defined, and the Sun needs to be nurtured through creative activities and a thorough approach to the child within. All this person needs is awareness of their true core and specifics of personality that set them apart from family members and values learned at home. When partners are chosen in accordance with one’s sensibility and character, relationships will be filled with tenderness, emotion and intimacy, leading to a healthy family life and functional marriages that last. 8th - Leo If the eighth house is in Leo, there is no easy way to accept authority. Not only will a person need a change of personal image and scenery, but they will also see all of ego related problems of their own, in other people. In case they won’t accept childish behavior and efforts of others, this simply means they are not on the right track. There is almost always something off with their perception of success. To truly evolve and transform into successful and strong individuals full of life, they have to build their level of respect for others and themselves to infinite heights. The challenge here lies in their ability to respect those who aren’t deep, practical and responsible as they think suitable. Once they see that a smile on their face is directly related to the respect they nurture for their own child within, their perception will change and they will be ready to manage, rule, and shine their warm light on other people. 9th - Virgo The ninth house in Virgo speaks of the focus on helping others, charity work, and matters of modesty and detail. Those who were born with this house position often have the need to learn how to heal and rationally understand the intelligence of their physiology and practical issues in the material world. However, their ego stands in their way and they will always have a challenge of their Sun to overcome to truly reach the state of wisdom and purpose. Something is always used and needs fixing in Virgo, and it is quite common for these individuals to have problems while traveling for choosing accommodation that is too cheap to be enjoyed, or overpaid for the one they get. They will have a flare for literature and many linguists and writers will have this position accented, if their tenth house supports strong materialization of everything they have learned. 10th - Libra If the tenth house is set in Libra, we instantly see that the center of one’s world is found in their relationships. Other people will define the destination this person will choose, and it will not be easy on their personality if the Sun isn’t very strong in its position and disposition through the planet ruling it. Tenth house in Libra speaks of one’s chase for marriage, search for a soulmate or someone to define their strivings in life. While they seek balance, they will find as much of it as their Venus allows, and in time build a strong basis for an equally manifested personal and professional life. Tact, diplomacy and dedication are the main traits a person with this position is trying to gain. This is why they will turn to professions in politics, law, marriage counseling, or simply point their life towards finding their one true love, putting every other segment of life aside. **11th - Scorpio **While many would think that the eleventh house in Scorpio is quite difficult and bonding, we shouldn’t forget that the sign of Scorpio is the sign of the exaltation of Uranus and speaks of the best friends we could find. Friendships in Scorpio represents our deep bonds for life, and they will be hard to achieve, build up, but extremely satisfying every step of the way. The depth these relationships are approached in is extreme and not always easy to comprehend. The preconditions for any true bond here are brutal honesty and the ability to turn to dark humor in the time of need. Individuals born with this position wish to reach emotional depth they don’t recognize within, and they are often not fully aware of this need. Their road in life will be based on reasonable choices and things they can cold-heartedly achieve, but their real goals will never be easy or at the palm of their hand if they don’t deal with family issues and emotional blockages they made along the way.

** 12th - Sagittarius **When the twelfth house is set in Sagittarius, we usually see someone who has no idea where they are going. Being lost seems to be the congenital disease in these people and they have no way of knowing where they want to end up. Ties were made to the most distant of places, and past life regression could help them discover where they have lived and what makes them lose their place and their hopes. Beliefs have to be examined, as well as their religion views. Blessings will come from the most unexpected people and places, and although there are a lot of secrets to be expected in lives of others, these individuals are able to sense anyone’s goodness of heart from miles away. This is a very strong position for spiritual work and meditation, but if they don’t get enough sleep, they risk their entire life passing them by.

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Asc Aquarius

1st - Aquarius With an Ascendant in Aquarius, no person can adapt to social norms and blend in. This is someone who looks strange, in any imaginable way, while at times eccentric, wildly liberal or rebellious. These individuals are often tall and etheric, or simply nervous and edgy most of the time. The greatest challenge of every Aquarius is to find their core and the center of their personality, filled with respect for their own needs and personalities of everyone around them. They will fail to see the purpose of authority, and have to understand that royalty, as well as organizing and managing, are necessary and useful in their life. They are ruled by Saturn and Uranus. 2nd - Pisces When the second house is positioned in the sign of Pisces, many belongings will get lost from time to time. This is seen in someone who doesn’t know where their keys are, just like they aren’t sure where or when they will be able to earn something on their own. The complicated thing here lies in the fact that delusions with Pisces tend to take over, and one can feel truly and deeply satisfied without having much, just like they could overestimate their abilities in certain fields, lost in their true mission and focus towards material goals. The main goal of a person in this case is to follow their true calling and a mission they are supposed to fulfill in this lifetime, for this is the only thing that can bring enough real satisfaction to their life.** 3rd - Aries** If the third house starts in the sign of Aries, we see an individual with a fast mind and an aggressive approach to communication. This is someone energized and filled with active ideas, whose mind never stops working. It is a blessing as much as it can be a curse, for the sign of Aries holds our unresolved anger issues just as much as it brings speed, intelligence and clear reasoning. When this position is accented, a person has to learn about consequences of their words, as well as words spoken by other people, and build up their patience for matters they obsessively think about. Stubborn communicators, they can be quite annoying when in a large group, at least until they realize what they need to do to become true leaders, giving respect to everyone around them. 4th - Taurus If the fourth house is set in Taurus, we see a natural position of care and physical devotion coming from one’s parents. Although it can point out to traditional or strict upbringing, it always provides one with a certain sense of comfort and joy that creates a strong, fixed basis for a satisfying life. Only in the case of truly challenging position of Venus and the Moon can we presume that the person in question has an emotional debt to repay, and has to deal with feelings of guilt and incompetence coming from their early environment. In most cases this is a very warm position, enabling one to find beauty and see the world in color, as well as provide them with the ability to enjoy material reality and engage in practical matters in a healthy way. 5th - Gemini In the case of the fifth house set in Gemini, we can see someone whose child within is truly childish and talkative. It is quite easy to relate to children with this position, and become aware of one’s true inspirations, motives and personality at a young age. Depending on the positioning of Mercury, this is a changeable position that can throw one from one extreme to the other. There are always two sides to the sign of Gemini, and the real challenge here is to find the golden middle and a place where one would satisfy both of their needs, the light and the dark one. This will be done through constant movement, communication, or a solid relationship with a sibling. The need for self-expression is extremely strong here as Gemini already point to our ability to show who we are through the art of conversation and thought. 6th - Cancer The sixth house in Cancer links one’s deep emotional roots to the house of work and health, and speaks of the unconscious tendencies that lead to certain conditions and practical circumstances. It is a strange connection of emotion with practicality and reason, giving a task to jump out of a family, inherited routine, to find the right one for our own body. A person with the sixth house in Cancer often approaches household chores as obligations, and the real question is hidden in the joy behind daily activities. Once they find true joy in cooking and cleaning, turning their heads to family matters and seeing them in all their glory with qualities that they often fail to see, they will find a way to be healthy. The motto “clean house makes a clean mind” is perfectly suited for these individuals and their routine needs to stay enjoyable and clear as much as possible in order for them to feel good. 7th - Leo With the seventh house in Leo, all relationships depend solely on a person’s ability to find middle ground and a point of agreement with others instead of compromising senselessly and going to extremes of doing and not doing what others want. The main challenge of Leo hides in oneness found in connection with the rest of the human race, and since this already puts an emphasis on an Ascendant in Aquarius, this is always hard to reach as an innovative, strange, and special individual. These people need confident partners who don’t take things too personally, and have to discover ways in which they can function as one with those who are less rational and far fierier than they seem to be. There is no authority in “we” and for as long as they realize that respect has to be unconditional and flowing both ways equally, they will form healthy bonds filled with warmth. 8th - Virgo The sign of Virgo rarely has some idea what hedonism is, and seems to have the need to go into detailed analysis of everything, taking out all colors out of creative things in life. The main problem is hidden in the fact that without detail, there wouldn’t be functionality, and to ground any grandiose idea, we have to be practical enough to commit to details. Resistance given to practical, daily matters with this natal position leads to all sorts of health related problems. A person has to realize that the only way to find satisfaction in the material world is through the material world, and it will be tossed aside as irrelevant comparing to their incredible mental dominance. True intelligence hides in out body, our routine, and our physiology. Mercury is exalted in the sign of Virgo and the element of Earth, so any mental effort must have its final goal in its manifestation in the real world. Everything else will look like a bundle of empty words if no substance is given through practicality and grounding. 9th - Libra If the ninth house is set in Libra, there is something strangely confusing in a person’s belief system, the main problem being the fact that their beliefs seem to be defined by other people. They will find many role models in this lifetime and need to overcome their self-criticism in order to truly reach their desired state of mind, physical state, or professional goals that they see as their calling. Hard work is needed for their plans to materialize and they will often be stuck in their dreamland, or when disappointed too many times, in their world of envy and feelings of incompetence. Relationships with quality will have to stand the test of time, and it is very often that these individuals remarry, sometimes only to find that marriage is too serious for them in the first place. When well supported, they will blossom in areas such as law, diplomacy, marriage counseling, and all activities done with a partner or someone they have an emotional bond with. 10th - Scorpio If someone’s tenth house begins in the sign of Scorpio, the main thing they are supposed to reach in this lifetime is emotional depth. This is a deep Water sign that allows no superficial feelings, and as such it is a strong basis for professional success. Obsessive chase for their goals makes them incredibly strong, motivated, as if they were magnetically attracted to their calling seen through Mars and Pluto. Still, it will also show how aggressive they can get in their approach. The best manifestations of this position hide in great sexual satisfaction they will achieve, as well as through roles of healers, scientists, psychologists, and all those incredible souls who aren’t afraid to dig for truth and show it to the world. From coroners to Bach practitioners, these individuals will have a calling that isn’t easy to understand and accept by many people in their world. **11th - Sagittarius **If the eleventh house is in the sign of Sagittarius, people who surround this person are benefactors, teachers, travelers, and open-minded friends who don’t mind differences in opinions, education or race. This is an inviting position as it speaks of all good men and women who have a lot to give, teach, and learn at the same time. Their friends can overdo the favors and the problem that appears in these souls will come from the inability to achieve anything alone. Once this person starts relying on others for help, they will wonder too far from their own character and burden those who wanted to show good faith. This is a wonderful position for all those special souls who came to this planet to reconnect with the Universe. God will speak to them as they breathe together with planet Earth, and find incredible joy in meditation and new techniques that will help them shape their future.

**12th - Capricorn **With the twelfth house in Capricorn, there is no knowing which responsibility falls under whose jurisdiction. The difficulty of this setting hides in the inability to see that a strong foundation makes all the work, and while good ideas can come a long way, they aren’t easily materialized if hard work isn’t put in. Even though it might not seem like it, this is one of the most demanding positions in the twelfth house, for it speaks of karmic ties and our strong, physical connection to past life experiences. Strange things will manifest as circumstances that are hard to avoid or overcome, with many obstacles standing in one’s way towards liberation. If Saturn is strong in a person’s chart, there will be a sense of security, wisdom and unconscious power in doing the right thing, and that will become a wind in their sails and open them up for real inner experience of faith.

**

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Asc Pisces

**1st - Pisces **When the first house begins in the sign of Pisces, we have to understand that this is a person on a mission, born with a higher cause that needs to be recognized. This is someone fine, sensitive, emotional, with big eyes and a tender soul. Often, this is a sign that gives a troubled physique, especially affecting one’s mental state. In order to use the best the sign of Pisces has to offer, a person has to have enough faith, and a strong basis in upbringing and education to fulfill their incredibly large appetite for happiness. Each of these individuals has to accept paperwork, rational thought, and reality in its purest and most obvious form. They have to learn how to handle details and focus on specific small things in order to create a bigger picture with quality. Practice makes perfect, and this is something they should always remember. Their rulers are Jupiter and Neptune.

** 2nd - Aries **If the second house begins in the sign of Aries, we can see that this person follows their instincts to create something in the material world. This will be a strong hunger and often speaks of instinctive overeating, or undereating, strongly related to one’s fears. This is the position that speaks of quick gain, strongly pointed energy into matters of self-worth and the value of all things in life. This will also speak of one’s tendency to eat too fast, choose food rich in red meat, often too spicy for their stomach to handle. Aries on the second house cusp can speak of a person’s inability to enjoy things that are slow, homey, cozy, or tender. This can be a rough position that forms a rough personality, unless feminine planets and the Moon are strongly positioned in their horoscope.

** 3rd - Taurus **With the third house cusp in Taurus, thoughts are often slow, static, and turned to hedonistic or material matters. This is one of the most practical and constructive positions, although sometimes irritating for people with third house cusp in signs that belong to the element of Air. When a person born with this position discovers their talent to create, it is easily incorporated into their daily routine, with ease in taking responsibility and handling dull details that would turn others away. This will bring them a lot of satisfaction in the material world, shown through financial gain and everything it has to bring through beauty and a cozy way of life. The greatest challenge of such a mind hides in their lack of flexibility and the inability to accept change, as in all loving matters of the sign of Taurus.

** 4th - Gemini **With the fourth house cusp in Gemini, we can see the changeable and a bit unstable nature of one’s home. Very often, this comes as a root for a person’s feeling of inconsistency, seen through possible dishonesty of their same-sex parent, or the image of two fathers or two mothers, that they cannot mend into one. This can be a very rewarding position, especially in the case when Venus is involved in the fourth house story, but very often represents two entirely different angles that are hardly brought into one point, and the row of opposing feelings, changes, and inconsistencies in one’s emotional state. Since the sign of Gemini is the sign of communication, it carries a risk of a certain lack of compassion, coming from a parent who overly rationalizes person’s emotions, not giving them a chance to recognize and accept them as they are.

** 5th - Cancer **When one’s fifth house is set in the sign of Cancer, satisfaction is always found somewhere in the family tree. This can be as fulfilling as it can be challenging, for one’s personal expression and joy seem to depend greatly on their ancestors and their level of consciousness. The important thing to remember here is that responsibility taken gives us freedom from all other people, and the tenderness of Cancer always shows the importance of one’s emotional core in their personal path. This will show importance of family and parenthood in one’s chase for happiness, as well as a deep understanding that they don’t need exhilaration or too much excitement, just a calm, peaceful life that other people often take for granted. When the Moon is strong and in empowering aspects, we will see one’s ability to manifest their personality through all sorts of tender, caring activities, bringing love, compassion and creation into all aspects of their lives.

** 6th - Leo **With the sixth house set in Leo, childish joy needs to be found in a workplace. This is a position that emphasizes physical strength in some way, and its manifestation is mostly seen through the position of the Sun. If it is strong and vigorous, a person’s energy serves other people and creates an atmosphere in which advancements are possible and managing positions there for the taking. In case ego problems take over and one’s creativity and self-image is low, it can lead to problems with authority, all sorts of health related issues and even heart conditions triggered by a simple lack of energy and joy in one’s life. The best way to improve the energetic state hides in creative activities, for talents need to be employed daily and in the best possible way to truly feel the joy of Leo.

** 7th - Virgo **The seventh house set in the sign of Virgo speaks of humility and brings focus to matters of criticism, the ability to find satisfaction in the real world and form relationships that don’t have to be perfect in order to last. There is always something that needs to be fixed in the sign of Virgo and this position will make a person look for something impossible to reach in many cases, or make them settle for less than they deserve out of feelings of guilt, incompetence or a simple lack of self-worth. All unhealthy issues will tend to accumulate here so this is a house that needs a lot of cleansing, constructive efforts and changes in order to reach the state which satisfies that dreamy first house in Pisces. Matters of faith and disappointments greatly depend on the story of Venus, for one obviously needs to set reasonable expectations through dealing with other people.

** 8th - Libra **The eighth house in Libra is a truly strange position for this seems to be linked to people who want to be alone. Even though it is our natural need to have someone to love, reaching for perfect harmony, this obviously doesn’t apply to everyone in the zodiac. Even though these dreamy individuals might wish for their fairytale ending, their acceptance of togetherness will be flaky and unstable. They need to build a personal approach to partnership, marriage, and all things that are related to other people from scratch, as if their life is marked by inconsistent relationships and parents who weren’t as functional together as they were when apart. As those who lack tact and wish to be independent, they find themselves in strangely satisfying relationships before marriage while having trouble coping with the institution of marriage in the end. The key here obviously hides in their deep, intimate world and recognizing the difference between marriage and obligation.

** 9th - Scorpio **With the ninth house in Scorpio, we have to understand that a person will make choices that many would think of as strange. In the most positive manifestation, this will give one an incredible depth of mind, belief in the power of planet Earth, connection to endless pools of inner energy and a tendency to study science, psychology, or even occult teachings. Still, we have to keep in mind that practically speaking, these individuals have a belief system rooted somewhere in the river of their ancestors, highly unconscious and strange for many people around them. Their convictions will be powerful and obvious in their manifestations, while their need to learn about deep matters that others don’t want to deal with often sets them apart from their group at school, college, or at any family gathering. They have to find a way to satisfy their inner craving for deep understanding of the Universe and Unity, but they will find it only if they mend their broken relationships and realize that no man is born into this world to be alone.

** 10th - Sagittarius **With the tenth house in Sagittarius, it is evident that learning leads to progress as if life was a simple equation. However, this is the sign of all distances and it shows the tendency of a person to work abroad or chase their career goals somewhere far from the place they were born in. While they learn about their true calling and direction in life, they will easily scatter their energy on too many things at the same time, wasting their potential on a personal search for their mission. Overthinking will make them seem like incredible philosophers, but it will rarely give them the material results they wish for. In order to reach true satisfaction, they have to let these distances flow through their heart, realizing that we all share the same planet, the same Universe, and none of us is far from home at any point in time.

** 11th - Capricorn **When the eleventh house begins in Capricorn, friendships last, filled with patience and the sense of obligation. Without a strong basis, there is little that can be done to improve social life, and they need to be surrounded with those who come highly “recommended” by those they already trust. This is a closed circle of friends, as a loop that may last forever. Still, Capricorn doesn’t bring much joy into any house, and especially not in the eleventh. One will have to reach structure, have an organized schedule, and dedicate their life to finding the right balance that will keep them healthy and situated. Karmic friendships are typical here, and those a person is bound to form a strong bond with will feel familiar. Close friends met this person in the past, with their lives intertwined in a loop of karmic debt or reward.

** 12th - Aquarius The twelfth house in Aquarius speaks of a stressful death that happened in our past life. This is a place of stress and strange mental orientation, pulling strongly with its humane gravity and the unconscious need to set free, set apart from everyone else, and sink into all natural oppositions as if there was no other way. Mending the differences and finding middle ground seems distant and impossible to these individuals, as if they had a talent for true friendship, but lack of awareness for those who don’t fall into this category. They need to learn to be humane, so charity work will come in handy, especially if they are the secret benefactor nobody knows about. Their eccentricity will make them happy but in secret and in silence, with as little words said as possible. Even though they might be on the mission of solitude, they are often calmed by the peace of their marriage and relationships that represent a good basis for their personality rather than making them feel at home. **

#astrology #astrology houses #zodiac #zodiac signs #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces

[ddarker-dreams]

Pandora’s Box. Yan Chrollo x Reader

Warnings: Medicine mention, descriptions of anxiety, and implied minor character death. Word count: 2.7k.

A simple plan is the best kind to have. 

The less variables at play, the higher your rates of success are. You’ve anticipated some margin of error, a safety net of sorts, to be used if necessary. Everything within your realm of influence has been taken into account. Your friend in a car meeting you at a dead spot, a train ticket purchased with a prepaid visa card on a VPN, and a few precious pieces of jewelry to be pawned off at a later time. Scraping these assets together is a commendable feat, having to skulk around to make it this far.

Nothing feels out of the ordinary, you think. Your preparations are almost complete. All that’s left is to wait to ensure the beast in hiding cannot come for you.

Prayer doesn’t traditionally feel worth the effort -- any god that’d allow you to be subjugated to a hell such as this is no god worth pleading to -- but tonight is different. Tonight you pray to any deity that may spare you some pity, that this plan may succeed without a hitch. The time signals the beginning of the next phase, the most vital aspect. 

Tonight’s soup had an additional ingredient, a generous helping of sleep inducing pills. To avoid suspicion, you partook in the meal as usual, hoping to cancel out the effects later by ingesting a gratuitous amount of energy drinks. It served the original purpose of fending off fatigue, but not without presenting a unique set of problems of its own. The caffeine has served to heighten your anxiety, upping what was already a nerve-wracking experience to a new level. 

Your guts feeling like they’re rearranging themselves, your body not capable of forgoing fidgeting a single moment. No longer can you tell if it’s nausea, stomach pain, or hyperventilation. Maybe it’s everything at once. All you know is that you’ve never had your body working against you more than now. Every nerve is frayed, your senses on high alert to any shadow or noise.

Deep breaths no longer bring you reprieve. Each raggedy breath you manage to squeeze out is an accomplishment, overshadowed by the fear that he might hear you. How irrational a thought, that Chrollo would be capable of picking up on the differences in your breathing from afar. It doesn’t matter how illogical the worry may be. With Chrollo, you’ve learned that nothing is impossible. To expect the unexpected has been the mantra of your mind these past few months. 

Just a bit longer... I need to know he’s asleep for sure. Or else it’s over.

Your foot taps against the ground in a frantic rhythm, ears ringing like funeral tolls. The last time you dared peak into your shared room with Chrollo, he was supposedly fast asleep, out like a light. What should’ve been a cause for victory brought nothing but a fresh wave of dread. A guessing game ensues. Trying to decipher his body language from earlier for hints only serves to make you feel worse. You’ve been so cautious, walking on sheets of thin ice at every move. Chrollo hadn’t acted out of the ordinary to your knowledge. Not that he has a way of acting ‘ordinary’ anyways, your limited understanding of his person having to suffice. 

Should everything be going according to your design, your friend will be in position to pick you up. There’s no more stalling, the point of return ahead of you.

It’s time.

You do a final check over your mental checklist. Your backpack is stocked with the necessities: toiletries, a few changes of clothes, a filtered hydro flask, non perishable foods and your train ticket. To any onlooker it might look like you’re going hiking. Sporting worn sneakers, loose-fitting clothes, and having your hair pulled away from your face. This is really it. The culmination of sneaking around behind Chrollo’s back for months, unfolding before your very eyes. Everything is falling into place as it’s meant to.

You walk to the door. 

Each step you take is quiet as can be. Every shuffle of clothes, or the slightest of creaks from the floorboards, causes you to wince and pause. This penthouse has served as your personal circle of hell for months on end, the walls absorbing your cries and screams. You despise this place with every fiber of your being. The antique décor, the ancient texts that lay strewn about, the scent of sandalwood that you find nauseating. 

Ghosts of the past return to haunt you as you walk through different areas. Swirling around your head, they threaten to consume you, chipping away at your resolve. His hypnotic voice resonates in your mind like whispers of the serpent in the garden, tempting you. Weighing you down. Not even your own mind is a safe haven from his speech that disguises itself as flowery, when the reality is far more sinister. Chrollo’s words are constricting vines, lined with thorns, embedding themselves deeper into your flesh the harder you try to pry them out. 

“Don’t you remember how difficult your life was before me?” 

Another step.

“All those people who left you, who took advantage of you?” 

Your hands shake around your small, homemade EMP. It’s made from spare parts you managed to find around the penthouse, clumsily assembled through trial and error. The pulse it emits is next to nothing. Copper coils threaten to fall loose at any second when you raise it to the security system by the door. Holding your breath, you press down on the trigger. The device lets out rapid clicking sounds, the security monitor flickering before going blank. 

“I know you’ll come around.” 

Finally, come the excessive locks on the door. The compressed air you said you needed for cleaning is next up. The can is cool against your trembling fingers, white specs decorating the locks as you spray them over. With some persistence, they come undone, one after the other. Unshackling you from the depths. You open the door that’s mocked you relentlessly for months, withholding your prized freedom. 

“But even in the event that you don’t...” 

The surrounding world is a blur of colors. Your eyes don’t focus on any object for too long, scanning your surroundings for potential threats. It feels as if your stomach is in your throat when the elevator starts its descent. He had you up on the fiftieth floor? 

You fixate on the screen, numbers not flashing by fast enough for your liking.

40. 

20.

5. 

1.

“Well. There are always ways of overcoming inconveniences such as that.” 

It’s an extravagant lobby. Far more luxurious than you could ever have hoped to afford, this building being one of the most exclusive in Yorknew. The person at the front desk calls out and you ignore it. You must look mighty suspicious, not that you care. The priority now is escape. Running out the revolving door, crisp autumn air greets you. You’ve never felt more grateful for the bustling streets of the city. Even at night the city remains awake, making it easier to blend in. No one out here spares you a second glance as you weave in and out of fast paced crowds. 

23rd street. That’s where you’ll meet up with your friend, who will then transport you to the subway. Glancing up at the signposts, you realize you’ll be in for some walking. There’s no letting your guard down. Constantly looking over your shoulder, all you see are the faces of strangers. You’ve never felt so grateful to be a part of a crowd. 

Finally, after walking for what feels like an eternity, you spot your beacon of hope. A clothing store’s bright neon sign, which your friend sits parked in front of. Since these stores are closed this time of day, the crowd that once surrounded you have thinned out, yet you try not to fixate on the lack of cover. Jay walking across the street doesn’t prove to be an issue. The pollution from the city hides the stars behind a layer of smog, streetlamps your lone source of light.

Heart hammering in your chest, you tap on the window of her car with urgency. “Amelia, it’s me. [First].” 

You hear the doors unlock. 

Taking it as a sign she heard you, you waste no time swinging into the passenger seat of the car. Amelia immediately turns the keys, car humming to life. Your chest heaves with exhaustion from the draining events. This is it. The second to last step before you reclaim your freedom. It’s almost like a dream, the light at the end of a long tunnel. Amelia’s appearance is just as you recalled it. Hazel eyes, tan skin, long black hair, and an average build. Your heart leaps at the sight of her.

“I’ve been so worried about you,” your friend confesses in a hushed whisper. “[First], what... what happened? You completely fell off the face of the Earth for months. Then you contact me out of nowhere? What’s going on?” 

It isn’t easy meeting her eyes, so you don’t. “I... I don’t know if it’s safe to talk about it. The less you know, the better.”

She takes a moment to assess you before sighing. “Alright, I can tell this is serious. Just... I’m glad you’re alright.” 

Amelia begins driving without another word. Silence hangs in the air, offering a time to reflect. Your plan, Chrollo, what you’ll do next... it whirls around your head like a vortex. A gut feeling refuses to leave you alone whenever you picture his face. A dreadful thought that this entire escapade was too easy. Is it just your paranoia? It could very well be. Hugging your backpack closer to you for comfort, you’re startled by Amelia suddenly speaking up.

“The subway station, huh,” she reminiscences aloud, eyes flickering from the road to you. “So you’re leaving Yorknew?” 

There’s no way to continue dodging her questions. “... Yeah, I am.” 

“Where are you going?” 

It’s natural she’d have lots of questions. Had the situation been reversed, you’d have plenty of your own. For her wellbeing you don’t want to indulge more than necessary. Lying to someone who is helping you lives a sour taste in your mouth. It’s for her sake, you remind yourself. Having to involve Amelia in this at all was the last thing you wanted to do. 

“I’m going to Zaban City. I have some extended family there.” 

Amelia hums in confirmation to your story. “Your cousin, right?” 

“Right.” 

She stops pressing that particular subject, likely sensing your apprehension. You take advantage of the peaceful atmosphere and close your eyes. The sleeping pills from earlier are starting to grow more prominent. Losing consciousness is the last thing you need right now, but indulging in some much needed rest sounds too inviting. 

“There was something else I was wondering about.” Amelia starts, earning your attention. Looks like sleep will have to wait for later. You yawn, stretching your weary limbs, and wait for her to continue. She smiles, dark eyelashes fluttering shut in deep thought.

“Oh, sweet [First],” she whispers your name in the gentlest of tones, and looks over at you. “Why are you so selfish?” 

You blink, the words not settling in immediately. “What...?” 

She continues without missing a beat. “You used to be so envious of me. Always pretending to play nice, because you were too passive to say how you really felt. How you hated me.” 

“Amelia? What are you talking about? I... I never hated you, what--” 

“Even now you can’t bring yourself to admit the truth,” she sighs. “Not that I’m surprised. You’ve always cared way too much about what people think. Why would now be any different?” 

Her unexpected attack on your character has you shifting in your seat. Every word that leaves her lips is in her voice, yet feels so different than her normal character. Did something happen in the time Chrollo took you away? Anxiety rears its ugly head at the line of questioning. You take a sudden interest in your fingers, playing with them on your lap. 

“I don’t understand where any of this is coming from.” You admit, eyebrows furrowing together. The shift in atmosphere is tangible. What was once a warm reunion under stressful times has corrupted into a frosty confrontation. These insecurities of hers that laid dormant in your heart... why is she bringing this up now? In your most vulnerable hour? Nothing is making sense. These ugly feelings of yours were only ever confided in one person. 

“You knew it’d be a danger to my life to contact me. You knew that, and still you did it all the same. I wonder why that is. Could it be... that you wouldn’t care if I died? If I was tortured for aiding your escape?” 

Your heart drops. This knowledge... how can she know any of this? Amelia used the word escape, clear as day. Is that a coincidence? You look over at the car door, seeing it’s locked. Something’s not right here, you deduce. I don’t know what it is exactly, but something is very wrong...! 

She continues on. “I really do want to know what your justification for this is. Out of everyone you could’ve picked for help, you specifically chose me, knowing the danger it’d bring. Did you think I’d be spared in some sort of miracle?” 

The spare moonlight streaming in illuminates Amelia’s face, highlighting how pale her skin looks. Veins that would normally not have been so prominent have a blue tint, her lips a similar shade. Your eyes drop to the unnaturally large scarf that surrounds her neck. It’s not that cold out yet, why is she wearing something so cumbersome? Reaching out with unsteady hands, you pull the fabric back. Your gut feels like it’s been punched at the sight, eyes widening in horror. 

On the back of her neck is an antenna, with bat wings on the end. 

Shit! Shit, shit, shit-- 

In a frenzy, you stretch forward, searching for the button to unlock the car door. The second you find it, it’s pressed, and you unbuckle your seatbelt. You hear her speaking up again. Your heart feels like it’s about to burst from your chest as you jump out the car, grateful it isn’t going too fast. Skin meeting asphalt, you hiss at the pain, rolling onto your side. None of that matters now. How did he do it? He has to be nearby, maybe you can still make it to the station in time. Your head hurts from the impact, legs wobbling like jelly. 

It’s difficult to focus. You grit your teeth, utilizing the remnants of your strength to get to your knees. Why did the caffeine have to wear off so soon...? It was going so well. You finally had your chance, your time to take back your life. To go back to how things were. Struggling to get to your feet, you throw your backpack off, praying the lost weight will help you get up. 

“You never answered my questions,” calls a deeper voice. You gulp back acidic bile as a hand is extended in front of you. “I was hoping you would.” 

Your head hangs down. It’s over. For a transgression such as this, you imagine you’re in for quite the punishment. How funny a thing fate is. Similar to streams of rushing water, there are many twists and turns, leading you down paths you never wanted to go. Fingernails dig into the sensitive flesh of your palms, the pain anchoring your wandering mind to reality. All other parts of your body have lost feeling. Numbness is what you’ve come to know. 

The devil incarnate bends over, taking your tearstained face into his fingers, and lifting it to meet his eyes. An abyss of grey stares back at you, devoid of humanity. Taking pleasure in besting you yet again. Disappointment is mixed within an interest to see what you’ll do next. There’s no smile on his face as you’ve come to expect. You see an empty shell of a man glowering down at you, from a place just out of reach. 

“I can’t say I’m too pleased about this, [First]. We’ll need to have a long discussion, don’t you think?” 

#chrollo lucilfer #chrollo #chrollo imagine #chrollo lucilfer imagine #chrollo x reader #yandere chrollo #yandere chrollo imagine #yandere chrollo lucilfer #yandere chrollo x reader #yandere #yandere x reader #Hunter X Hunter #hunter x hunter imagine #yandere hunter x hunter #hunter x hunter imagines #hxh x reader #yandere hxh x reader #my stuff

[the-girl-in-the-box]

Can You Imagine? V

A/N: So, I had SOMETHING I wanted to add at the end of this chapter, but I have entirely forgotten what that was. This means the chapter isn't *quite* as long as I'd have liked to be. Hopefully it's still enjoyable, especially as I do think a lot still happens in the character development here. Skål!

Summary: Freydis was dead. At least, when she’d lost consciousness, she’d been sure she was. But now she has woken up in a cold, sterile environment, one she is certain is not Valhalla, and the world as she once knew it has changed. People now have strange abilities, some of them, and people they call ‘scientists’ are trying to give them to her. The bigger issue, though, is the fact they have also woken the very man who killed her. Ivar the Boneless lives again as well, in the same way Freydis does, and if they want to survive… she may have to learn to trust him again.

Masterlist

--

You Forfeit All Right to My Heart

Freydis received a, truthfully, rather horrible shock in her opinion. Everyone had seen how badly putting her and Ivar in the same room had gone. But, Professor Andersen had come to speak with her, and asked her what had happened, why their reunion had gone so wrong.

She’d told him the truth, told him how history had been inaccurate, and the man had simply watched her in shock. If the two were to be a team, they were going to need to learn how to better get along with each other. So far, it didn’t seem that would happen, even if they were made to talk to each other again.

Freydis had said that if she were put in a room with Ivar again, locked in with him, she’d just find a way out. This was what she’d meant when she thought giving a prisoner powers would backfire. They couldn’t control her, and they knew it. Her power was growing every day.

A plan had to be devised, then, to bring Freydis and Ivar together. They couldn't be left to figure things out slowly, over time. The whole purpose in choosing two people who had been married before they died was that they'd already be a perfect team. They weren't meant to choose a couple who had fallen apart in the final years of one's life!

But, as Freydis told Professor Andersen, when he had expressed this to her, fate had a funny way of making things more difficult for those who were determined to outwit it. It wasn't that, in her belief, this couldn't be done. It was simply that one would have to fight harder if that was what they wanted to do. And even so, how could one be sure that wasn't their fate after all? To overcome what they believed to be their fate?

Professor Andersen had simply been more confused by what she said, but after discussing this with Dr. Schmidt, who then talked to the doctors and scientists in charge of Ivar, he had been tasked with the role of coming up with a way to bring Freydis and Ivar together. He'd considered putting them in a perilous situation together, so they would have to work together to survive, but he knew how that would turn out from the conversation the two had had before. Ivar would sacrifice his life to let Freydis live, she'd let him, angry as she was, and they'd be done. No team there if half the team is dead.

That didn't mean he hadn't come up with something he thought was brilliant, though. No, in fact, he had come up with something that he was sure would work. His plan had required new technology to be developed, technology that would be able to restrain the magic that now ran through Freydis's veins, and eventually, they'd come up with something.

It was a space in which she couldn't use her powers. Ivar wouldn't hurt her (again) they didn't expect, so it wasn't as though she would need those powers. Besides, security would have access to the room at all times. If he did try to hurt her somehow, for any reason, they could step in.

So, that was how Freydis found herself being offered a new space to live in, being told it would be much more comfortable. When they took her in and she saw Ivar, she'd tried to escape as fast as a cat being put in the bath. Finding that her powers didn't work sent a shock of fear through her, and very little to do was made before the door was shut, locked from outside, and she was left in there with Ivar.

The plan Professor Andersen had concocted was to force the pair to learn to live with each other, as now it was almost guaranteed Freydis wouldn't be able to kill Ivar with a flick of her wrist. With a weapon, sure, but that would be when security would step in before she could.

A thick silence filled the room as they stood and watched each other. The shock of Ivar being alive had worn off for her, the shock of being in the same vicinity as him, but that didn't mean she had to be happy about any of this, or let him off easily. Instead of trying to make peace with him, she crossed her arms, looked over him once, and said, "Your legs work now."

She seemed almost skeptical, and it brought an honest chuckle out of Ivar when he heard that. "They work," he confirmed, nodding a little. "The technology is quite impressive here, you see. Better than anything we had in Kattegat."

Freydis cocked a brow for a moment. "I would still prefer to be in Kattegat," she said sharply.

"As would I," Ivar said. "But we are here."

"We wouldn't have to be here if you hadn't killed me," she now snarled.

Ivar sighed. "Are we going to spend all of our time going over that?" he questioned. "Yes, I killed you, because you betrayed me to my brothers. Would you have preferred I let you be put on trial before our people? Found guilty of treason and executed in front of them? I was saving you the humiliation."

"You lost! If you had waited to see what happened, you'd have seen I didn't have to die!" she snapped. "That is the problem with you! You never believe you can lose, do you? Everything you do must be successful, because you have the favor of the Gods! Do you realize not everything good comes to those with their favor, but sometimes you fail because it is their will regardless of what their favor is?"

Ivar chuckled bitterly, shaking his head and leaning against the wall. He crossed his arms, and Freydis glared. "I know I cannot win everything," he said. "I learned that when my campaign with the Rus in Scandinavia was crushed by my brother. I learned that when you betrayed me. When our son- no, your son- was born how he was, and I realized I would never have a family of my own."

"Perhaps you could have if you hadn't left him out to die," she countered, and he began to laugh, leaning his head back.

"Or perhaps if he had truly been my son!" Freydis opened her mouth to protest, but Ivar cut her off before she could. "Do not lie to me and tell me he was, we both know the truth! I could not have children. Not when I was with you. We could not have had a child together. Whatever you told me, about how you conceived that child, was a lie, I know that now. Because if he had been mine, it would have meant I was a God, but I know that cannot have been true because of the way he was born!"

Freydis glared at him harshly, in the sort of way he recognized as her anger cooling off. Which, in all truth, was worse than when it was hot. When it was cold, she was giving up the argument.

"I did it for you," she hissed. "I wanted you to have a family, and an heir."

Ivar blinked as he looked at her then, the cold, harsh anger in her eyes. When he realized Baldur could not have been his son, his mind had immediately pictured the worst. He'd pictured Freydis in love with some other man, carrying a child she could not confess was his because she had married Ivar the Boneless. If he had discovered the identity of the child's father, had even learned it wasn't his, they both knew his temper. He might have killed someone for it- certainly would have if he'd found the child's father.

But the way she spoke now, it almost seemed as though she hated what she had done. Perhaps there was guilt, perhaps disgust, he couldn't say. But he knew who could, he knew that Freydis could say what she felt about what she'd done. Freydis could also say what she had done.

His anger seemed to subside out of almost nowhere, and he looked at her with a cool, curious expression. "And what did you do, hm?" he asked. "You seem upset about what you did, and that is why you are angry with me for being angry with you over it. Is that right? Or am I wrong, and you are angry for another reason? Aside from the death of your son, and your own death, I know those things already." He waved a dismissive hand, to keep her from bringing it up again.

Freydis huffed, crossing her arms and turning away from him. "If you must know," she began. "I killed him. Baldur's biological father. He was one of the slaves we had. As soon as I knew I was with child, I had him killed. The official story I gave for wanting it was that he had behaved inappropriately with me. It was not questioned. Who would question it? I was the Queen. If I said it was true, it was true." Her eyes swam with some expression he couldn't quite understand, but if he had to guess, it was a mixture of guilt, and pain. "I never even asked his name. He probably had family. I don't even know he was a slave- for all I know, he was a servant in our house, and he had a wife and a family, children of his own."

She swallowed hard, and looked back at Ivar. "I was not a killer before I met you," she said. "I told you I would do whatever you wanted me to do, whatever you asked of me. I told you I would do anything for you, and it was true, what I told you. You wanted an heir, even if you believed you could not have one, so I concocted a plan to give you one. And whether you want to believe it or not, he was your son. You were with me through every day I carried him. You were there when I birthed him. You held him. And you killed him."

Her voice cracked under the emotion she felt at her last words, and Ivar's jaw clenched. He swallowed hard and his eyes fell to the ground. Somehow, Freydis was pleased to see he still had the same tells when he felt guilty. The truth was out, and he knew now why she was angry whenever he just cast aside what she had done to give him a son.

Because, the truth was, Baldur had been his son, in all but carrying his DNA. (Ivar had only recently learned about DNA, but he decided just then he would have to see if people took care of children now who were not theirs by birth.) Everything Freydis said about that was true. He distanced himself from what he'd done by claiming the boy hadn't been his, by distancing himself from the child himself, because perhaps he wouldn't hate himself for what he'd done if it was just some poor man's son.

Sometimes, Ivar thought back to that night. Especially after seeing Freydis here again, after their confrontation, he found himself unable to stop thinking about that night. He still believed what he told Baldur, the reasons he had left him, but he wondered if Freydis had ever known why he'd done it. Regardless of what she had known before, he decided she was going to know now.

With a great sigh, he began to speak.

"I couldn't let him suffer how I had suffered all my life," he said. "Even if it would only be a few days, I could not let him endure such a thing."

Freydis looked up at him, her brows drawn tightly together as she considered what he'd just said. He couldn't meet her eyes, couldn't handle seeing the devastation he imagined in her as she relived this nightmare. He was certainly reliving it, he knew that much.

But, not looking at her, he couldn't see how tightly her arms were wrapped around herself, the pain that seemed to radiate from her. Well, no, that he could feel. It was thick in the air, just as the silence had been when they'd first been left alone. He hated it.

After quite some time, Freydis finally said, "He should have been at home with us." He didn't need to look to hear that tears were now leaking from her eyes. Ivar knew her voice better than anyone's- perhaps even better than his own mother's, by now. But he owed it to her, to face what he'd done to her, so he finally looked up, and met her eyes.

It was so much worse than he could have imagined. He didn't know when she'd started crying, but the tears that rolled down her cheeks, just as he predicted, were clearly not the first she'd shed in this conversation. She looked so much worse than devastated, she looked desperate, and all he could say was, "He should have been."

When all had been said and done, and Ivar found himself in Kievan Rus without his wife or son, he had thought often about how Baldur's life had ended. When he was dying himself, lying there and looking up at Hvitserk, he realized how much worse it would have been to have died alone, the way Baldur had. Everything had fallen into place in that moment, so many moments too late.

Shock registered then on Freydis's face, or rather a more mild sort of surprise at his confession. No part of the woman had ever expected Ivar to admit he was wrong about something, and yet here they were.

She gave a curt nod, and wiped the tears from her face. "Then we agree on something," she allowed, and walked into the kitchen the pair had been provided with. Ivar watched her go silently, and swallowed hard.

Perhaps this was going be the beginning of healing. Or, perhaps at least the beginning of a peaceful coexistence. Whatever it was, he knew he couldn't take the screaming again and again. He was a strong man in his former life, was stronger now, but he wondered if any man had been strong enough to see the woman he loved in that sort of pain so frequently. He couldn't.

Neither of them ate that night, despite Freydis having gone into the kitchen at one point. She’d looked around rather aimlessly, but found her appetite was rather nonexistent after their conversation. Ivar’s was as well, and so silence reigned in the little apartment until night fell.

It wasn’t a very comfortable silence. The air in the room was tense still, and when night fell, they stood together in the doorway of their new room. The apartment was only built for one couple, and so there was one bedroom, with one bed. Freydis turned to look over Ivar again, and then the bed.

“Your legs are healed,” she said. “You can sleep on the floor or the couch.”

Ivar grimaced a bit, but watched her go into the room. She turned around and looked at him as he stood in the doorway. It seemed like there was something he wanted to say, and she waited just a moment to let him, but when he didn’t, she grabbed the door, and moved it so that she was about to close it. Ivar swallowed as he looked down at her.

“Goodnight, Ivar,” she said. Her voice wasn’t unkind, but her words were final.

He took a step back, and replied, “Goodnight, Freydis,” before watching her close the door.

Ivar sighed quietly and went to the couch, laying down and getting himself comfortable- well, as comfortable as he could be. The couch wasn’t exactly great. He missed Freydis, and she was right there. He wanted to be with her, but she wasn’t open to it. But, they had managed to exist in the same space without fighting for some of the day. Maybe that was a sign that things were getting better. If they could get used to living together, maybe they could heal.

It was a start, if nothing else, and a start was better than nothing. It meant there was hope.

 Taglist: @youbloodymadgenius, @katfett, @zuzus-sun, @heavenly1927, @punkrocknpearls, @pomegranates-and-blood

If you want to be added to the taglist, feel free to reach out either by commenting, reblogging, DMing me, or sending an ask, and I’ll be more than happy to add you!

#ivar the boneless #vikings #ivar ragnarsson #alex hogh andersen #history channel vikings #ivar's heathen army #vikings history #can you imagine? #chapter five #ivar x freydis #freydis #queen freydis #ivar #freyvar

[mbti-notes]

I'm an isfj. I know someone with serious mental illness and I don't feel very compassionate when I hear about his life. I feel pity, I feel very helpless/powerless and angry, I feel guilty, or I feel uncomfortable and want to turn away coz it's scary that people's lives can go really badly. I feel really selfish being like that and I don't want to be this kind of person. How can I nurture more compassion?

Assuming typical brain development, you are born with the capacity to empathize. Empathy is an important part of human genetic history because we needed it for survival, specifically for successful cooperation. To work together well, we must understand each other well, we must support each other’s efforts well, and we must help each other contribute well. As with any raw, inborn capability, it’s up to you to develop it to its higher potential through the choices that you make. Your choices have decreased your ability to empathize. There are two common obstacles to overcome in the process of empathy development:

1) Egocentrism: People at low levels of ego development aren’t able to empathize because they aren’t able to recognize other people as subjects. Do you understand the difference between a subject and an object? Many people only know the difference in theory but can’t apply it. In English grammar, a subject is the “active” part of the sentence, e.g., the person who is doing something. By contrast, the object is the “passive” part of the sentence, e.g., the person who is having something done to them. This basic grammatical structure belies the framework that the mind uses to understand relationships in the world.

Everybody has their own experience, which means that your understanding of reality begins from your own personal vantage point - you see yourself as a subject, experiencing and doing things in the world. Your vantage point includes things like your self-concept, thoughts, feelings, ideas, beliefs, values, judgments, schemas, triggers, past experiences, etc. When you look out into the world through your vantage point, you don’t see the world as it is, rather, you merely see the world as it gets interpreted through the content of your vantage point. A simple example: When you look at a painting, what happens? All you see is a canvas with some colored paint smeared all over it? If that’s all you see, then you’re either not human or you don’t have a personality. No, for instance, as ISFJ, you see the colors and whether you like them, you see the image and how it makes you feel, you see the style and how it compares to the aesthetic styles that you’re already familiar with, and so on. 

The same principle holds true when you deal with people. You, the subject, acts upon the other person, the object, with the contents of your vantage point. You don’t see people as they really are but only as you want/expect/hope them to be - it’s all about you. For example: You think about how they make YOU feel, when in fact, they’re not purposely doing anything to make you feel anything. You think about who they remind YOU of, when in fact, they bear no relation to the people you’ve known before. You think about whether YOU are better/worse than them, when in fact, they are simply a person with strengths and weaknesses just like you. And so on.

There’s nothing wrong with having your own vantage point, as we all have every right to our own existence. However, the problem arises when you never learn or never acknowledge that there’s more to the world than your own vantage point, which means that you are, in essence, completely confined by it psychologically. In short, your vantage point gets in your way instead of aiding you. Egocentrism makes it difficult to empathize because you don’t really see people, rather, you only ever see aspects of yourself as you constantly project the contents of your vantage point onto them. This creates ego drama, as you are more concerned with your experience and how you’re reacting than what’s actually going on with the other person. When you’re not grasping the truth of someone, how can you know the most appropriate way to relate to them, comfort them, help them, or guide them, especially when their experience is very different from yours? You’ll be grasping at straws.

Therefore, empathy requires the ability to transcend egocentrism, essentially, to stop approaching the world as though your own experience is all there is (oblivious) or all that matters (narcissist). To have meta-awareness of your egocentrism and understand how it holds you back (in limiting your perception and distorting your judgment) is to create the space to choose differently, i.e., to refuse to be a slave to ego drama. When you finally wake up fully to the fact that you aren’t the center of the world but rather only one equal part of a greater whole, you will possess the humility that is necessary for empathy. Humility refers to the ability to put yourself into the right perspective. A genuinely humble person knows their rightful place because they are no longer a slave to the ego dramas that create craving for strength and superiority and/or fear of weakness and inferiority. Humility allows you to stop treating people like objects and respect them as subjects in their own right. In other words, their experience is just as important to them as yours is to you, and you are both fully equal in that respect, so you know to honor their existence, as you honor your own. This is the basis of the classic golden rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

What does humility look like in real-life relationships? It looks like LISTENING. To be a good listener is to listen without all the biases, prejudices, and judgments of your ego dramas. Reasonable and sound judgment comes only AFTER you have collected all the facts, which requires listening - only then should you be trying to apply what you know to their experience. But you won’t be capable of listening well if your ego drama is always twisting the facts or if your ego drama always gets triggered every time you interact with someone. To truly hear someone is no small feat. Not everyone who talks about their struggles wants “help”. A lot of human problems arise from never feeling truly seen and heard. Therefore, to be a great friend is, first and foremost, to have the ability to see and hear someone and receive their experience without judgment. Once you are capable of listening empathetically, compassionate action naturally follows.

2) Poor Emotional Intelligence: I have already written about this, so you should read the articles provided. It’s obvious from your description that you have poor emotional intelligence. The development of emotional intelligence is correlated with the development of the F function, so you struggle with using Fe properly. Being confronted by your friend’s struggle with mental illness, your emotions get triggered, your ego dramas start playing out, and in the end, you are stuck in your own head trying to make sense of what’s happening. Your attention isn’t on your friend, is it? You’re not really listening.

It’s common for people who struggle with empathy to frame the problem as “me versus them” - either I protect my own experience or I surrender to theirs. This defensive attitude is rooted in egocentrism. There’s “me”, there’s “them”, and there’s “us”. When you are egocentric, all that really matters to you is "me”, and "they” are only important insofar as they impact you. In “me vs them” mentality, you don’t want to feel any negative disruptions from the outside world, so you close yourself off to emotional influence (a common symptom of Ti loop). By being defensive, you are directly hampering Fe development. Without healthy Fe, establishing a sense of “us” in a relationship is impossible, because the wall of defensive fear never allows anyone to actually reach you. But what about the other side of F dysfunction, such as the people pleasers of the world? They are also egocentric in that they only care about their craving for acceptance and affirmation - it is still ego drama all the same. People pleasers give the illusion of not caring about “me” to get what they want from “them”, but it is actually all about ME and getting them to like ME, not about “us”.

When you have poor emotional intelligence, you aren’t able to accept and resolve your own feelings and emotions, which results in them becoming self-inflicted obstacles - they get in the way of good judgment. Having good emotional intelligence means knowing how to put feelings and emotions into the right perspective, such that they inform you to make BETTER decisions. Resistance to your own emotional life means damaging your decision-making ability as well as resisting all the negative things out in the world. When you encounter negativity in someone else, it reflects back to you your own negativity, and thus begins your ego drama of fighting and trying to bury the negativity in yourself. You are at least aware enough to honestly describe what you feel when you encounter someone that triggers you, but you don’t have the ability to resolve those negative feelings.

One of the main problems of poor emotional intelligence is not being able to tell the difference between thoughts and feelings. Feelings are simple, all you have to do is say, “I feel sad” or “I feel guilty”. That’s it. That’s a feeling. Once you start to say more, once you start to talk about the feeling, then you’re having thoughts. Feelings need not become anything more than what they are, and they come and go like the wind. But thoughts are complicated because they are about analyzing, evaluating, believing, speculating, etc. Thoughts stick to you in the form of ideas and beliefs, and they impair your judgment when you’re not addressing the underlying negativity that creates them. People often try to think their feelings away (i.e. rationalization), which doesn’t resolve anything and even spins you out of control.

You say that you feel guilty when hearing about his suffering. If you feel guilty, then feel guilty. Do you believe that there’s something wrong with feeling guilty? Is it not normal to feel bad for having more than someone when you’re an empathetic person who hopes that everyone can find their happiness? You say that hearing your friend makes you feel uncomfortable because you’re scared of confronting negativity. If you feel scared, then feel scared. Do you believe that there’s something wrong with feeling scared? Is it not normal to feel scared when imagining negative things that could threaten your survival? Why do you view feelings as abnormal or as something to be banished out of yourself? It’s a form of self-loathing.

From these two examples, do you understand that it is your own inability to accept yourself and your feelings that is the root of the problem? As SJ, it is typical to be more concerned with being “proper” than being real, so you consistently deny the truth about yourself because you don’t want to see the many ways that you are “improper”. Resisting your negative feelings and the truth that they reveal about your impropriety only feeds the negativity as you start judging yourself harshly, calling yourself “selfish”, thus your negativity escalates into ego drama and throws you for a loop. By contrast, if you were to simply allow your feelings to inform you about the truth of what’s happening with you and accept that truth gracefully, there would be no need for negative feelings to turn into a big ego drama. 

In the history of psychology, the humanist psychologist Carl Rogers was perhaps best known for his ability to empathize very deeply. He said: “If I let myself really understand another person, I might be changed by that understanding. And we all fear change. So as I say, it is not an easy thing to permit oneself to understand an individual.” 

If you fear change, if you fear your heart being disrupted, if you fear confronting what is strange and unknown to you, if you are easily threatened by difference or negativity, if you fear feeling the heavy moral responsibility of helping someone in need, then you will fear the act of empathizing with people, because they may, at any moment, say/do something that turns your world upside-down. It is that fear which keeps you closed off and stuck within yourself, refusing to empathize when you clearly have the ability to empathize. It’s up to you to acknowledge the fear, accept it, and let it go. Until you make that conscious choice, you are merely stuck on your side of the wall, never able to truly see past it. Only by letting someone into your world, being emotionally strong enough to feel touched without feeling undone, can you establish a connection with them. Once you’re connected to someone emotionally, compassion comes easily (and that is the basis of having a healthy F function). 

#isfj #auxiliary fe #ti loop #empathy #compassion #egocentrism #emotional intelligence #defense mechanisms #self compassion #fear #morality #ask

[niishiki]

There is no place like home

For the 1k celebration of @youbloodymadgenius

Characters: Ivar the Boneless, Ubbe, Hvitserk, Bjorn Ironside, Sigurd Snake in the Eye

Relationship: GEN

Warnings: Light Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort

Ubbe was worried as he watched the thick snowflakes fall from the darkening sky that stretched above these strange lands. England was still as unfamiliar to him as it had been when the Great Heathen Army had first landed on the shores of Northumbria months ago. King Aelle’s death, their campaign against King Ecbert and his ilk, all that seemed so far away now. Ubbe had wanted to settle and so now he stood on the land that they had pried from the hands of their enemy and was overlooking the settlement that they had built on the ashes of the one their father and Lagertha had built a lifetime ago. This time, Ubbe Ragnarsson knew, it would be a success for the young prince Alfred was already a better and smarter leader than his father had ever been and his brother Aethelred was smart enough to heed his brother’s advice. 

Bjorn had left them shortly after their victory over Ecbert but he had returned this morning to see what had become of his brothers and their plans in this strange land - and, of course, to celebrate Yule with them. Their first Yule in this new land where they were not only the sons of Ragnar Lothbrok but able to make names for themselves, where they would create their own sagas. 

“Still no news of Ivar?” Bjorn’s voice would have startled him had he not already heard him approach, his heavy steps crunching on the snow. Ubbe sighed and his breath fogged in front of his face. It was bitterly cold out here and most people were in their houses already to escape into the warmth of their new homes. Regardless of the cold and the harsh winds, every night Ubbe would find himself standing on that hill that was overlooking his settlement - watching, waiting.

“No,” He replied quietly almost as if he hoped the wind would rip his words away. “Nothing. Hvitserk thinks he is dead.”

“What do  you think?”

“I think,” - He turned the words over and over in his head, tasting them on his tongue, and found them to be lacking. Still, he said them regardless -“I think that the chances of a cripple surviving out in the wilderness in a strange, and unfamiliar country where he has no friends or alleys and is all by his lonesome, are slim to nonexistent. I do not want it to be true. However, I would be a fool to claim that Ivar is anything but dead. I think, as much as I hate it, that Ivar is dead. He might have starved out there. He might have frozen to death. He might have been attacked by an animal. He might have hurt himself and could not find help. Or he might have been attacked by Saxons. Whatever happened to him, he has probably not survived his first months out there.”

Bjorn was silent for a while before he put his arm around Ubbe’s shoulders. There had been a time when Ubbe had looked up to his brother with nothing but admiration and thought that Bjorn always knew what the right thing to do was. He knew better now. Bjorn had left them behind without consideration for what would happen when he would leave and still Ubbe found it difficult to be mad at him. Maybe he would have done the same thing. They were all adults, after all. They were no longer Bjorn’s kid brothers, no longer that hoard of puppies that he needed to protect. 

“It has been his choice to leave,” Bjorn said after a while. “He has decided to leave because he could not deal with what he has done. It is not your fault, Ubbe. I know that it pains you greatly that Ivar is dead but you have no blame in that. You would not have been able to stop Ivar.”

“I know,” Ubbe muttered and wished that the words would reach his heart. Maybe then he would not find the need in him to come out here every night to look for his lost lamb. He had the feeling, however, that this was what his life would look like from now on. As long as he would not know what happened to his baby brother, he would find himself searching and restless. “I know … No one was ever able to stop Ivar the boneless.”

Bjorn patted him on the back at that. “How is Sigurd?” He then asked a little more light-hearted and forced his younger brother to turn his back to the settlement. Together the brothers walked down the hill. The longhouse was calling for them with the promise of warmth and good food. 

“He is getting better each day,” Ubbe replied with a smile. “But his recovery is slow. Much slower than he would like, of course. The last infection he caught almost brought him to his knees but I think the worst is behind him now.”

“None of us can claim to have much patience. It is not in our blood for our father was not very patient either.”

They reached the foot of the hill within minutes and walked through the settlement, greeting whatever soul was still out there with them, and finally walked into the longhouse. Tomorrow the big Yule celebration would take place but tonight it was only them, the remaining sons of Ragnar enjoying a night in peace all to themselves. Yet, as they later sat around the fire on pillows or propped against stools with bowls of delicious smelling stew in their hands and mead in their cups, none of them spoke, none of them could shake the feeling that something was not right. Sigurd ate like a bird since his injury. He sat propped against a column on a few pillows, a fur draped over his shoulders and his lap, his face pale and his eyes tired. The fever and the infection had almost taken his life even as Ivar’s ax had failed to do so.

Until now, even though it had been months, Sigurd had not yet talked about the incident or his little brother. He could not fool Ubbe, though. No, Ubbe knew that Sigurd thought as much about Ivar as he and Hvitserk did. He would catch him sometimes looking over his shoulder, expecting to see Ivar to throw some snarky comment at him for something he had said or to goad his little brother into a fight only to be disappointed when there was only thin air staring back at him. Ivar’s absence from their life was as loud as Ivar himself. Sigurd and Ivar’s relationship had always been rocky but Sigurd loved his little brother all the same - even though it had taken an ax to his chest and for his little brother to vanish for Sigurd to realize that. And now they all knew that it might be too late. 

“It is our first Yule away from Kattegat,” Hvitserk said after a while, his usually so open expression guarded and unreadable even for Ubbe. Hvitserk was not really the sentimental type of guy and yet he seemed overcome with great nostalgia. “Our first Yule without Mother and Father.”

“Our first Yule without Ivar,” Sigurd added quietly, his eyes lowered on the bowl in his hand. “It is strange … not having him here, is it not?”

“It is,” Bjorn agreed. “He would be starting fights with us right now over the food or the quality of the mead or he would ridicule our plans. I can not deny that I miss that. He kept us on our toes because he would pick apart every plan we made and thus, in turn, made them better.”

“To Ivar,” Ubbe said and raised his cup. “Wherever he is.”

“To Ivar!” His three remaining brothers chimed in. They emptied their cups and refilled them and finally, they began to eat. Yet, Ubbe already knew that tomorrow, he would be up on that hill again, looking for his lost brother and his brothers knew that too. They all had found their own way to cope with the loss of their youngest. Bjorn had committed his life to exploring the world, Hvitserk was keeping an eye on the children of their settlement even though Ubbe could tell that his war-hungry brother was getting restless, and Sigurd played his Oud for the people that wanted to listen to it, maybe hoping that one day he might just hear the voice of his little brother in the crowd telling him to shove it up his ass.

The settlement was silent and still and the moon stood high above the valley as Ubbe walked over to the open doors of the longhouse once again. Outside, the flurry had started to become worse. A snowstorm was sure to hit soon. He and his brothers had sat for hours around the cozy fire, eating and drinking and exchanging stories but things were different than they should be. It was time to lock the doors to the longhouse, to keep the snow and the cold outside so that he and his brothers might retreat to their beds. Tomorrow was a new day and the people of their settlement wanted to celebrate Yule. None of them shared the pain the brothers were feeling that night. 

Just as Ubbe shoved the first of the doors closed, he noticed a figure approaching through the snow. At first, he had not seen them but the closer they came, the clearer their dark silhouette stood against the white snow. The way the figure moved was strange, although it took Ubbe a second to notice that.

“What's wrong?” Hvitserk asked as he approached his older brother but Ubbe only pointed outside towards the figure that was clearly coming towards them. They were dressed in a cowl that was gently swaying in the wind, as far as he could tell and for a moment, Ubbe felt painfully reminded of the day Odin had come to him and his brothers to inform them of Ragnar’s death. The closer the figure came, however, the clearer Ubbe could see that they were limping quite badly, one leg dragging behind them as they were putting all their weight onto a thick knob. His heart stopped for just a single beat.

“Ivar” The word escaped him without thinking, so silently it was ripped from his lips by the harsh wind. He stepped outside without waiting for Hvitserk, not yet sure if the figure outside was nothing more than a drunk hallucination of sorts or actually there. Hvitserk did not stop him, though, as he walked into the snow and the flurry. As only three steps separated him from the figure, they stopped and brushed the hood off their head. He was met with bright blue eyes and a tuft of dark hair, a pale face, and a lopsided, though uncertain smile. Before one of his other brothers could say anything or call for his attention and not yet sure if what he saw was really there, Ubbe bridged the remaining distance and closed his arms around the figure of his brother.

Silence lay like a blanket over the five sons of Ragnar as they sat around the fire in the longhouse, reunited at last after seven long months. The sons of Ragnar were not known to be quiet characters but right now none of them knew the right words to say. As he looked at his youngest brother now, his lost little lamb, he saw once again how he had thrown his ax in a fit of rage at their brother Sigurd, saw Sigurd fall to the ground, saw Ivar’s face frozen in panic as he had realized what he had done. The same moment that had sundered their family for seven months was replaying over and over and over in his head without mercy.

“Where have you been?” Hvitserk asked after a while as he refilled his brother’s empty cup. Ivar’s black armor was in tatters by now after the months he had spent in the wilderness, his hair was longer and unkempt. Still no beard though, a proof of how young his brother truly was. 

“Everywhere … nowhere…” Ivar replied calmly and took a sip from the mead his older brother had just refilled so graciously. “I drifted through the land without knowing where to go, really.”

“How are you still alive?”

“Ah,” Ivar murmured, a small chuckle escaping him as Bjorn could no longer hold back the question that all of them really wanted to know the answer to for it seemed a miracle that Ivar was sitting with them now, alive and well. It was so miraculous, that Ubbe could barely keep his hands to himself and stop himself from touching Ivar just to make sure he was really there. “Father warned me that everyone would always underestimate me but I would not have thought my own kin would make that mistake too. I am much more capable than you think I am. I hunted when I was hungry. Sometimes I survived on plants and mushrooms and whatever I could steal. I avoided villages and towns, of course. A cripple like me … there is no way of knowing what they might have done to me. Most of the time I spent in the woods, exploring the land, thinking.”

“Thinking?” Bjorn asked, his voice raised several octaves as if the word itself was foreign to him. It spoke to Ivar’s exhaustion that he was not taking a jab on his brother for that. “About what?”

“The Gods … this land … the opportunities ahead, myself, and my actions, my family.” Ubbe grabbed the back of his brother’s neck just like he used to do without thinking too much about it. Ivar’s skin was cold to the touch and he needed rest and something warm to eat. “I won't lie … sometimes it was a pretty close call. I broke my leg a few months ago. I thought … I was sure that I had to cut it all off or die of infection. I was delirious from fever and sickness. I would have gone through with it too but I came across a priest who took me in and helped me.”

“Why did you leave?” Ubbe asked at last but this time he did not get an answer right away. Ivar bit down on his bottom lip instead and looked into his cup as if he would find the answer he was looking for on the bottom of it. So far he had avoided looking at Sigurd for the entire time they were sitting here. 

“I am glad you are alive, Sigurd.” Ivar surprised them all as he finally looked at his brother. “I didn't know if you would make it.”

“Is that why you left?” Bjorn asked with raised brows. “To escape the punishment for kin-slaying?”

“No!” The answer came out more forcefully than before. His voice had been soft and even until now. “I would have gladly taken the punishment! I am not a coward, Bjorn Ironside. I left because … I could not stand the thought of what I have done. I…” Again, he bit his bottom lip before looking back at Sigurd. “I never wanted to hurt you. I acted out of anger and … I am truly sorry, Sigurd. I did not have control over myself-”

“If that is-”

“I allowed for too long that my anger controlled me,” Ivar spat, cutting Bjorn off once more. “Because for all my life it served me well. All my life I never knew anything but anger but I never meant to hurt my own flesh and blood. I regretted it the moment the ax left my hand and if I could take it back I would - but that is not in my power. I realized that, if I would stay and if Sigurd would die, that you, my brothers, would have to render a judgment over me. The punishment for kin-slaying is death. Although I would have readily accepted it … I did not want any of my brothers to have to do it. I thought one dead brother was more than enough pain to be put upon my family. So, I decided to leave and free you from the burden. I would not have thought to survive for as long as I did. I thought that I should put my fate in the hands of the gods. I thought, if Sigurd would die, certainly the Gods would see to it that I would die too out there. But they did not. I survived and survived and survived until I heard about this settlement and my brothers playing farmers. For a long time, I did not know if I wanted to return.”

“And why did you?” Ubbe asked, at last, his voice soft as he squeezed Ivar’s neck carefully.

A small laugh escaped Ivar. “I fell into a frozen lake,” He huffed. “A fortnight ago. I was certain the ice would carry me but it did not. You know I cannot swim and I … I can admit that I am scared of the water. So, when I fell through the ice I was sure that this time there would be no way out, this time I would die. And yet, I did not. Somehow I managed to find my way back to the surface and I survived. As I lay there, cold and alone, above me only the stars, I decided that I had tempted the Gods enough and that, if even then they did not want my death, that they wanted me to return home - to my brothers, to make amends for what I did. The only thing I can hope for now is that my brothers will actually allow me back into their fold.”

Ubbe wanted to pull him into a hug and he could tell that Hvitserk thought the same thing but they both held back.

“That is not on us to decide,” Bjorn, always the leader, said. “You almost killed Sigurd. It is his decision to make if he wants to forgive you or if he wants you gone.”

Sigurd did not appear to be rushed to say something as he stared into the flames between himself and his little brother. Sigurd and Ivar’s relationship had always been fragile at the best of times but for months Sigurd had battled with the injury his brother had inflicted upon him and the resulting consequences. However, sometimes when Ubbe would talk to him he felt like being confined to his bed and being reliant on the help of his brothers for such a long time, had taught Sigurd a thing or two about Ivar’s plight. 

“If I would send him back out into the cold, Ubbe would never forgive me,” Sigurd then said, his eyes finally meeting Ivar’s. “I can see that he is lactating already now that his baby is back at his side, ready to suck on his teats.” Hvitserk barked out a laugh at that and Ubbe felt the heat rise in his cheek. Instead of pushing Ivar away from him, he pulled him closer and kissed the side of his head.

“Besides,” Sigurd then continued, the smirk still remaining on his face. “I am still alive and we can thank the Gods and Helga’s magnificent healing hands for that - but we can also thank the Gods that Ivar too is still alive. This Yule celebration marks the end of the year. We lost our father this year. We lost our mother this year. However, we were also victorious over the Saxons and took our revenge for the death of our father. We conquered land and we built something new. We opened the path for more of our people to follow us into this new land so that our people might thrive. I do not wish to end this year by casting my little brother out into the wilderness for him to die after all. I can admit that I have not been the best brother to you, Ivar.”

That took all of them by surprise, especially Ivar, who quickly looked away again. 

“I can admit that I have been jealous because Mother clung to you and cast me to the wayside. When Siggy died” - Bjorn stiffened beside them but he did not say anything - “I realized that it might as well have been me and she would not have noticed. But that was not your fault, Ivar. I should have seen that earlier and tried to be a better brother. You may have thrown an ax at me out of anger but I too have lashed out in anger at you and I hurt you just as deeply as your ax hurt me. As far as I am concerned, I would like to bury the hatchet so that we might just begin the new year as a united front once again.”

Ivar had never been particularly good at hiding his emotions and he was not even trying to now as he sat beside Ubbe, a tear rolling down his face before he clenched his jaw, squeezed his lips into a tight line, and gave a sharp nod. 

“Now, kiss and make up!”

With as much accuracy as he had applied throwing his ax so many months ago, Ivar now threw his cup, hitting Hvitserk right on the forehead. His brother fell back playfully against the ground, groaning in mock-injury and Ubbe watched, amazed how Ivar quickly crawled over to finish him. He watched them scuffle on the ground like children, before Hvitserk regained the upper hand and pressed a very wet, very audible smooch to his brother’s mouth before falling onto him and remaining there, pinning Ivar beneath him.

“I should not have returned,” Ivar groaned and, just like that, the spell that had hung over their heads, seemed broken.

“He is your problem now,” Sigurd shot back with a grin as he slowly managed to get off the floor to retreat to bed. It would be the first night in seven months that all of them would sleep in the same room again and it would be the first time in seven months that Ubbe too would finally find a peaceful slumber.

#Youbloodymadgenius1kCelebration #vikings #ivar #ivar the boneless #sigurd #sigurd snake in the eye #Hvitserk #Ubbe #Bjorn Ironside #canon divergence #hurt/comfort #angst #bros being bros

[caddy-whump-us]

There's "cutting off wings" wing-whump, to be sure, and it is delicious, but I haven't seen as much "adding on wings" wing-whump. So I thought I'd provide some.

This is also for @whumpinbloom and their marvelous prompt here, though that particular scene comes at the very, very end and this got...really, really long.

For reference, I was thinking about the mechanical wing imagery that figures in CLAMP's manga Clover: mechanical, but delicate

Also I was listening to this garden ambiance audio the whole time I was writing this. So, yeah.

Cautions: surgery references, medical references, very vague religious overtones

---

When the doctor came into the aviary, the boy was resting near the waterfall with the apparatus of his wings propped on a stone next to him. His eyes were closed; perhaps he slept.

Of course his wings pained him: that was obvious and unavoidable, even with the gold wire wrapped down his spine and into the small of his back (like tattoos of golden thread) designed to support both his skeletal structure and the metal wing apparatus. The muscular connections necessary to both support and provide motion to the wings had left him with a constant backache just below his shoulder-blades and perpetual tension in the external obliques along each side. All of which obliged him to breathe intercostally, which made speech difficult and singing impossible, which was a pity.

The doctor began to pick his way up the stone path to the waterfall ledge where the boy was resting. The boy opened his eyes: pale, opalescent eyes, carefully restitched with iridescent nanotubes and with new lenses that flashed gold in the light.

"Good morning," the doctor said, "Ramiel."

The boy watched him approach with a soft and empty expression, which was perhaps indiciative of an excess of facial surgery? Or the subcutaneous polymer sheet, though that had been implanted a good five weeks ago and was surely healed. Certainly it was successful: his skin was smooth, soft.

The doctor picked his way across the patch of grass and tidy plantings to the lower level of the waterfall and hoisted himself up to the second level, where the boy waited (or, at least, sat). He took a seat on another stone--all artificial, all of it: the stones sourced and hand-cut when needed, the water purified and oxygenated, the trees and plants and flowers imported and tended to by expert gardeners, the birds bred and raised in captivity, the carp and goldfish from old Japanese lineage, the handful of rabbits pedigreed. And, of course, there was Ramiel.

The last movement of the Dawn Chorus was fading for the day. A shame that the angel in the midst of this absolutely palatial greenhouse couldn't fly. But that was a problem that would have to be solved by other means--the current swarm experiments, for example.

Ramiel turned his eyes away and back to the water streaming past. The doctor set the box full of flowers at his feet.

"Haven't I been good to you these last days? No operations, no procedures, no punishments, sweet fruit to eat, no visitors."

The doctor took the boy's face in his hands and the boy rested his cheek against the man's palm. His eyes fell shut. He nodded. The doctor smiled.

"I like your nose much better now. I think we're coming very close," he said, with a "we" that would never include Ramiel, "to the correct balance for your face."

He ran two fingers down the length of Ramiel's jaw. "Just a few more operations, I think."

Ramiel kept his head still where the doctor had left him for a moment, then looked aside.

"Do you hate me?" the doctor asked. "You mustn't hate me. A holy sacrifice requires flesh and blood."

The blood test. Then the first gold wires, his teeth ground down and rebuilt, the second round of gold wires, the third round of gold wires that had them threaded through his spinal cord (which had left him crying nonstop for literal days), the initial installation of the base of the wing apparatus (again, nonstop crying for days), testing and adjustment, testing and adjustment, testing and adjustment, before finally being able to install the first quarter of the polymer-plastic feathers, the physical therapy for balance, the work on his joints and connective tissues, the stabilization work for the apparatus (which was more than once), the procedures to strip his skin, the purely cosmetic procedures of course, the ocular surgeries (which were done only under a local, and a nurse had held his hand and whispered prayers the entire time) which had left him stumbling around in a blindfold for several days, and of course the facial surgeries throughout (jaw, brow, nose more than once, cheekbones, at least; he began to get used to waking up with his face swollen and covered in gauze). And now, the latest, more gold filigree wrapping from his shoulder-blades, over his shoulders, and up his neck: anywhere and anything for stabilization and the harvest of muscular electricity.

"And you were the one who made the first promise. Everything that's followed has," and he gestured towards the water, "cascaded from that."

He reached out and buried his hand in Ramiel's soft curls. The muscular electricity technique was not looking especially promising. Like as not, Ramiel would need brain surgery soon to implant control wires directly. It would be a shame, though, to have to shave off his curls. And it had been a trick to get his hair that shade of pale gold without blanching out his eyebrows or, worse, his eyelashes. The earlier botch-up had left useful stem cells after all.

"When I found you, you were good enough for humanity, but not yet good enough for me. Do I need to tell you about Galatea again? Or about Michaelangelo and the marble?"

Ramiel dropped his gaze and shook his head. The doctor was still clawing through his hair, scratching at the short hair at the nape of his neck as though he were a cat.

"Good. Besides, if you do hate me, I'll have you lobotomized."

Ramiel was watching the water again, the dragonflies skimming over it. The doctor sat with his chin in his hand.

"Spread your wings for me," he said. "Let me see you."

Ramiel turned back to him and got up from his place on the stone. Spreading the wing apparatus took a ripple of muscle tension from his lower abdomen, up his sides, then to a tensing sway up his back--a wave. He stood on that patch of moss and grass before the doctor and drove the rippling tension up his back. With his face pointed skyward (but there was glass between him and the sky), the copper armatures extended.

The doctor stood before him now, his face ecstatic. He ran his hands down the length of each wing, touching the edges of the primary polymer feathers, teasing Ramiel's wings higher with soft fingertips under the secondary feathers. Then, overcome completely, he caught Ramiel's face in his hands and kissed him: forehead, face, neck. He smelled of frankincense and roses. Ramiel's wings drooped.

But then, just as suddenly, he stopped and held the boy's limp body against his. He could feel Ramiel's heart thudding, feel his breathing fast and shallow. "But this is how angels fall, isn't it?"

It was then, just as he began to pull away, that he saw the spattering of blood on the grass. He looked down at his hand where it rested in the open back of Ramiel's shirt, just where the wing apparatus slipped under the boy's skin: blood there as well. He reared back and caught the boy by the hair with his clean hand.

"You pushed yourself too far." His grip was strong but his voice was kind. "You must never do that again. Certainly not today. Don't you dare bleed on the fine things I give you."

The doctor washed his hand in the waterfall stream, and dragged Ramiel closer with him. He undid the buttons at the back of the collar of the shirt the boy wore, sewn for him and him alone with an open back for his wings, and jerked the shirt so it fell around the boy's ankles. But he was gentle when he blotted away the rivulet of blood, even if the water was like ice.

"Not today, Ramiel. I have guests coming in an hour."

The doctor wrung out his handkerchief and collected Ramiel's shirt. Ramiel sat back on the stone near the ledge so he could rest his back--just a moment, just a moment without the weight and the strain.

He had had another name before and another life. But if he thought about that too much, it would only make the cramping, aching pain clearer. He leaned against the rocks and watched the doctor carrying away his shirt and meeting someone who was just coming in to the aviary.

The doctor took something from them, a flat box tied with ribbon, spoke to them, and then they began to lay out the rest of Ramiel's feathers on the grass so they could unfurl like ferns before they were threaded onto his wings. If there were to be visitors, then he would have to wear the full set.

The doctor, though, came back up the rocks with the box and sat down again.

"This is for you," he said, but he was the one who untied the ribbon and took off the lid.

He lifted up a shimmering silk tunic, though more at a blouse, translucent, sheer, with tight pleats at the shoulders and wrists and neck.

"It was made for you," the doctor said and turned the shirt around to show the opening in the back. "Come on, let's get you dressed."

Ramiel let himself be dressed, drawing the shirt up and sliding his arms in. The doctor closed the tiny pearl buttons at the back of the neck and tugged at the open back so it would frame the wings as he wanted. He turned Ramiel with a push to his hips to adjust the front. The collar could be cinched shut with a tasseled cord, but the doctor left it open to show off the gold wiring around the boy's neck. But he did tighten the cord at the waist, drawing up the hem into a flounce that Ramiel disliked and showing the edges of the shorts he wore (for modesty, as the doctor had said, but the doctor had also said that that wouldn't be such a issue after a surgery scheduled for the very near future). He let himself be fussed with, let the confectionery details of this blouse be adjusted, let the cords be looped or unlooped, let the buttons be pulled tighter. But the doctor was happy.

He took the boy's face in his hands again and kissed his forehead. "We need to attach the rest of your feathers. But I'll sit with you a while."

They made their way down from the waterfall, with the doctor balancing Ramiel along the way. He was thin, so thin and kept thin by careful dietary practices, and the adjustments to his joints and his ligaments meant that he was frail in strange and delicate ways.

The doctor settled Ramiel in the little grass clearing where his feathers were finishing their unfurling. Two technicians measured out gold wire to thread through the feathers so they could be laced into the wing apparatus and connected to the interface. The connection of the new lacing to Ramiel's nerves stung and snapped like cold electricity (of course). He did his best to breathe deeply, but his breathing shuddered.

Meanwhile, the doctor had wandered away, it seemed, to admire the hydrangeas and gardenias and orange blossoms nearby in the White Garden. He took out a pocketknife and cut a handful of white flowers before coming back.

He knelt down in front of the boy, who looked pale and drawn. He tipped the boy's chin up.

"You look as though you were about to weep for the ills of the world," he said, softly. And he began to cut apart the bunches of flowers.

As the technicians went on, threading on feather after feather, sparking each connection between the wings and his spine, Ramiel was watching the doctor as he cut bunches of orange blossoms, hydrangea clouds, sprays of jasmine apart so that each flower fell to the grass alone.

He took them up, one by one, and with such careful hand's, doctor's hands so soft and clean, began to set these white flowers in Ramiel's curls. He nestled them inside a curl or let them rest on top as if it were the crest of a wave. He scattered them in Ramiel's hair like they were snowflakes (the sun was shining brighter through the greenhouse windows now and he could see the fine mist of water droplets in Ramiel's hair and he was almost overcome with love, but also with hatred that this thing he had created could dare to be so beautiful).

He took ivy and some of the gold wire and wove orange blossoms and jasmine and gardenia and white roses and lilies with maidenhair ferns into a crown, a halo.

The technicians finished their work, gathered their tools, and left.

The doctor, still kneeling, set the crown of flowers gently on Ramiel's head.

He sat back on his heels to look at him: his head gently bowed and half-turned away, his wings spread across the grass and full with translucent feathers. The doctor reached out, then, and stroked Ramiel's face with the back of his hand. Ramiel stayed very still, even when the rage swept over the doctor and he gripped the boy's throat just above the gold wires, just below his jaw and began to squeeze. Ramiel closed his eyes.

And the doctor let go.

"I think you want to die," he whispered savagely. "You're in Eden and you want to die. But you won't. You can't."

He tossed his head and then his voice was gentle. "Go back up to the waterfall, play with the birds."

He slipped his finger through one of Ramiel's curls, drew it out straight, let it snap back, drew it out again.

"And when your visitors arrive to see you, show them your wings. And if you disobey me or are naughty," his voice was teasing, "we'll have to do your next surgery without anesthesia."

#whump #creepy whumper #doctor whumper #human experimentation #angel whump #sort of #wing whump #captivity #medical #psychological #ocs

[nicklloydnow]

"Hereditary monarchies represent the historical example of privately owned governments, and democratic republics that of publicly owned governments.

(...)

From the vantage point of elementary economic theory and in light of historical evidence, then, a revisionist view of modern history results. The Whig theory of history, according to which mankind marches continually forward toward ever higher levels of progress, is incorrect. From the viewpoint of those who prefer less exploitation over more and who value farsightedness and individual responsibility above shortsightedness and irresponsibility, the historic transition from monarchy to democracy represents not progress but civilizational decline.

Nor does this verdict change if more or other indicators are included. Quite to the contrary. Without question the most important indicator of exploitation and present-orientedness not discussed above is war. Yet if this indicator were included the relative performance of democratic-republican government appears to be even worse, not better. In addition to increased exploitation and social decay, the transition from monarchy to democracy has brought a change from limited warfare to total war, and the 20th century, the age of democracy, must be ranked also among the most murderous periods in all of history.42

Thus, inevitably two final questions arise. What can we expect? And what can we do? As for the first question, the answer is brief. At the end of the 20th century, democratic republicanism in the United States and all across the Western world has apparently exhausted the reserve fund that was inherited from the past. For decades, real incomes have stagnated or even fallen.43 The public debt and the cost of social security systems have brought on the prospect of an imminent economic meltdown.

At the same time, societal breakdown and social conflict have risen to dangerous heights. If the tendency toward increased exploitation and present-orientedness continues on its current path, the Western democratic welfare states will collapse as the East European socialist peoples' republics did in the late 1980s. Hence one is left with only the second question: what can we do in order to prevent the process of civilizational decline from running its full course to an economic and social catastrophe?

First, the idea of democracy and majority rule must be delegitimized. Ultimately, the course of history is determined by ideas, be they true or false. Just as kings could not exercise their rule unless a majority of public opinion accepted such rule as legitimate, so will democratic rulers not last without ideological support in public opinion.44

Likewise, the transition from monarchical to democratic rule must be explained as fundamentally nothing but a change in public opinion. In fact, until the end of WWI, the overwhelming majority of the public in Europe accepted monarchical rule as legitimate.45Today, hardly anyone would do so.

On the contrary, the idea of monarchical government is considered laughable. Consequently, a return to the "ancien regime" must be regarded as impossible. The legitimacy of monarchical rule appears to have been irretrievably lost. Nor would such a return be a genuine solution. For monarchies, whatever their relative merits, do exploit and do contribute to present-orientedness as well. Rather, the idea of democratic-republican rule must be rendered equally if not more laughable, not in the least by identifying it as the source of the ongoing process of decivilization.

But secondly, and still more importantly, at the same time a positive alternative to monarchy and democracy — the idea of a natural order — must be spelled out and understood. On the one hand, and simply enough, this involves the recognition that it is not exploitation, either monarchical or democratic, but private property, production, and voluntary exchange that are the ultimate source of human civilization.

On the other hand, psychologically more difficult to accept, it involves the recognition of a fundamental sociological insight (which incidentally also helps identify precisely where the historic opposition to monarchy went wrong): that the maintenance and preservation of a private-property based exchange economy requires as its sociological presupposition the existence of a voluntarily acknowledged "natural" elite — a nobilitas naturalis.46

The natural outcome of the voluntary transactions between various private property owners is decidedly nonegalitarian, hierarchical, and elitist. As the result of widely diverse human talents, in every society of any degree of complexity a few individuals quickly acquire the status of an elite. Owing to superior achievements of wealth, wisdom, bravery, or a combination thereof, some individuals come to possess "natural authority," and their opinions and judgments enjoy widespread respect.

Moreover, because of selective mating and marriage and the laws of civil and genetic inheritance, positions of natural authority are more likely than not passed on within a few — noble — families. It is to the heads of these families with long-established records of superior achievement, farsightedness, and exemplary personal conduct, that men turn with their conflicts and complaints against each other, and it is these very leaders of the natural elite who typically act as judges and peacemakers, often free of charge, out of a sense of obligation required and expected of a person of authority or even out of a principled concern for civil justice, as a privately produced "public good."47

In fact, the endogenous origin of a monarchy (as opposed to its exogenous origin via conquest)48 cannot be understood except before the background of a prior order of natural elites. The small but decisive step in the transition to monarchical rule — original sin — consisted precisely in the monopolization of the function of judge and peacemaker. The step was taken, once a single member of the voluntarily acknowledged natural elite — the king — could insist, against the opposition of other members of the social elite, that all conflicts within a specified territory be brought before him.

From this moment on, law and law enforcement became more expensive: instead of being offered free of charge or for a voluntary payment, they were financed with the help of a compulsory tax. At the same time, the quality of law deteriorated: instead of upholding the preexisting law and applying universal and immutable principles of justice, a monopolistic judge, who did not have to fear losing clients as a result of being less than impartial in his judgments, could successively alter and pervert the existing law to his own advantage.

It was to a large extent the inflated price of justice and the perversions of ancient law by the kings which motivated the historical opposition against monarchy. However, confusion as to the causes of this phenomenon prevailed. There were those who recognized correctly that the problem lay with monopoly, not with elites or nobility.49 But they were far outnumbered by those who erroneously blamed it on the elitist character of the ruler instead, and who accordingly advocated to maintain the monopoly of law and law enforcement and merely replace the king and the visible royal pomp by the "people" and the presumed modesty and decency of the "common man." Hence the historic success of democracy.

Ironically, the monarchy was then destroyed by the same social forces that kings had first stimulated when they began to exclude competing natural authorities from acting as judges. In order to overcome their resistance, kings typically aligned themselves with the people, the common man.50

Appealing to the always popular sentiment of envy, kings promised the people cheaper and better justice in exchange and at the expense of taxing — cutting down to size — their own betters (that is, the kings' competitors). When the kings' promises turned out to be empty, as was to be predicted, the same egalitarian sentiments which they had previously courted now focused and turned against them.

After all, the king himself was a member of the nobility, and as a result of the exclusion of all other judges, his position had become only more elevated and elitist and his conduct only more arrogant. Accordingly, it appeared only logical then that kings, too, should be brought down and that the egalitarian policies, which monarchs had initiated, be carried through to their ultimate conclusion: the monopolistic control of the judiciary by the common man.

Predictably, as explained and illustrated in detail above, the democratization of law and law enforcement — the substitution of the people for the king — made matters only worse, however. The price of justice and peace has risen astronomically, and all the while the quality of law has steadily deteriorated to the point where the idea of law as a body of universal and immutable principles of justice has almost disappeared from public opinion and has been replaced by the idea of law as legislation (government-madelaw).

At the same time, democracy has succeeded where monarchy only made a modest beginning: in the ultimate destruction of the natural elites. The fortunes of great families have dissipated, and their tradition of a culture of economic independence, intellectual farsightedness, and moral and spiritual leadership has been lost and forgotten. Rich men still exist today, but more frequently than not they owe their fortune now directly or indirectly to the state.

Hence, they are often more dependent on the state's continued favors than people of far lesser wealth. They are typically no longer the heads of long-established leading families but "nouveaux riches." Their conduct is not marked by special virtue, dignity, or taste but is a reflection of the same proletarian mass-culture of present-orientedness, opportunism, and hedonism that the rich now share with everyone else; and consequently, their opinions carry no more weight in public opinion than anyone else's.

Hence, when democratic rule has finally exhausted its legitimacy, the problem faced will be significantly more difficult than when kings lost their legitimacy. Then, it would have been sufficient by and large to abolish the king's monopoly of law and law enforcement and replace it with a natural order of competing jurisdictions, because remnants of natural elites who could have taken on this task still existed.

Now, this will no longer be sufficient. If the monopoly of law and law enforcement of democratic governments is dissolved, there appears to be no other authority to whom one can turn for justice, and chaos would seem to be inevitable. Thus, in addition to advocating the abdication of democracy, it is now of central strategic importance that at the same time ideological support be given to all decentralizing or even secessionist social forces; that is, the tendency toward political centralization that has characterized the Western world for many centuries, first under monarchical rule and then under democratic auspices, must be systematically reversed.51

Even if as a result of a secessionist tendency a new government, whether democratic or not, should spring up, territorially smaller governments and increased political competition will tend encourage moderation as regards exploitation. And in any case, only in small regions, communities or districts will it be possible again for a few individuals, based on the popular recognition of their economic independence, outstanding professional achievement, morally impeccable personal life, and superior judgment and taste, to rise to the rank of natural, voluntarily acknowledged authorities and lend legitimacy to the idea of a natural order of competing judges and overlapping jurisdictions — an "anarchic" private law society — as the answer to monarchy and democracy.”

[patchcreator]

Tips for Easy Jacket Back Embroidery for Patch Creator

Master 2 essential variables-- hooping as well as placement-- for less complicated, rewarding sew outs.

It's that time of year once more. The climate is getting cooler, the fallen leaves are altering colors and also individuals are drawing jackets out of closets. As an embroiderer, why not profit the possibility to market more embellished things in this apparel group?

Coats and jackets can be great moneymakers. They are more pricey and offer themselves to higher margins. Additionally, if a customer wants a large design on the back, you can get maximum production from your equipment, which indicates maximum revenue if you are a patch creator.

I utilized to dislike doing large layouts on jackets. They are harder to hoop and also the huge designs take a long time to run; I used to think such styles were consuming my maker time. I eventually realized my reasoning was incorrect. Yes, the jacket was on the equipment for a very long time, however the layout still was producing cash for me-- and also at a greater price than a lot of my left-chest logo design sewouts.

Let's say I'm running a 5,000-stitch logo on polo shirts. I can get perhaps eight runs an hour. If I'm charging $1 per thousand stitches, that's $40 a hr (per head). On the other hand, if I have a 60,000-stitch style, it is mosting likely to take a hr as well as 20 minutes to sew. Nevertheless, I'm obtaining $60 for the coat back layout. That exercises to $45 per hour and also I really did not need to work as tough. I might kick back and also relax and also the allow the maker do the benefit an hour or so. This remains in addition to the fact that there usually is much more revenue margin in the markup of coats because of their high price point.

Now that it's evident that jackets can be as profitable-- otherwise a lot more so-- than the "normal" things most embroiderers sew, let's look at the challenges of dealing with coats. First off, there are various jacket varieties. From wind breakers and also warm-ups to Varsity jackets and workwear, they are available in all materials and also thicknesses. Some are glossy, rugged, thick and also thin-- and then, certainly, there's natural leather. Finding out to take care of all the variations takes a while as well as practice, yet there are some principles you can adhere to-- regardless of the kind of coat you are dealing with-- that will certainly help ensure success.

STABILIZING AND HOOPING

Before starting any kind of task, it is necessary to choose the correct stabilizer. Fortunately, the selections are easy when it comes to jackets. For light-weight coats, like wind breakers and also various other nylon coats, a sheet of tearaway stabilizer need to suffice. For thicker coats, little or no stabilizer whatsoever is required.

When making your choice, remember that the secret is how much an item stretches. Thick coats have little stretch and so much cellular lining that including one more layer of something is not truly helping anything. If you stress over distortion, throw an item of tearaway stabilizer behind it and that will be greater than sufficient. The only time a cutaway stabilizer is required is when you're embroidering stretchy knit coats.

Hooping coats, specifically thick ones, always is an obstacle. They are larger than a normal-size garment. Often, embroiderers don't have a template for the mounting board to fit the back hoop dimension and also there are very few recommendations for you to know whether the coat is hooped right.

If you stitch a lot of coats, it pays to buy or make a mounting theme for your framing board, or have a table that appropriates for hooping these larger items. It doesn't have to be expensive; I use an old school desk. I discover it is the ideal size for the coat and it likewise permits me to apply more descending pressure as I attempt to press thick jackets right into a hoop.

LINING IT UP

The point of using a hooping device is to aid in getting points lined up regularly from item to piece. Coats can be a little challenging when it concerns alignment, particularly when they do not have many marks or joints. Facility joints create easy alignment, and also lots of coats have a seam up around the shoulders, that makes a great, straight line to recommendation. Just make certain the style remains below that shoulder joint for proper placement.

If there are no joints or various other reference marks, begin by noting where you desire the center of the style to be. Positioning guides say to place the layout 7-10 inches below the neck. This depends on the dimension of the layout as well as the style of the coat.

You constantly can reference the sleeves and also all-time low of the coat, as well. Line up the clips on the hoop with the sleeves to help straighten out the layout. After that, to ensure straightness, step from each side of the hoop to the bottom of the coat to ensure it is even. I use the tab on the hoop where the steel clips are screwed on for the recommendation point on each side of the hoop.

PRESSING THINGS IN

Hooping a slim coat isn't truly a big deal. Thick coats, nevertheless, are one more story. Relying on its density, there are different techniques you can use to obtain the coat onto the embroidery machine, and also there are some traditional and not-so-conventional strategies for achieving this.

A lot of jackets you stitch will certainly fit in a hoop; they simply need a lot of effort as well as strength to do so. In these cases, you can attempt to loosen the adjusting screw more than what need to be needed to hold the coat prior to hooping. When the item is hooped, simply tighten up the screw.

Usually, it is not advised to utilize tools to help in tightening up the screw-- yet I make an exception in the case of thick, resilient products like hefty coats. It occasionally requires even more utilize than can just be generated by even the best of fingers. A set of pliers (or screwdriver, depending upon your changing screw) may remain in order.

Most of the moment, jackets should be hooped inverted due to the fact that the waist has a bigger opening than the neck. That suggests less product will be accumulated in the back, and it makes the jacket less complicated to jump on and also off the maker. It also is much less likely to catch on something or push the hoop off the device.

There are numerous hoops on the market with numerous attributes to aid with these issues. Allied's Grid-Lock collection includes a really lengthy readjusting screw that enables the hoop to open broader. These hoops likewise include grid lines to help with alignment.

When pressing the inner ring into the hoop, begin with one side and afterwards the other rather than attempting to press the entire hoop in entirely. This "heel-to-toe" technique assists for leverage and also to line things up. Let's state I'm making use of the top-shoulder joint as a mark. I can line up and also establish that side of the hoop initially, after that press in the bottom side.

Another option is to utilize a larger-than-necessary hoop. I understand this violates the conventional wisdom that says to make use of the smallest-possible hoop, but in some cases it is nearly difficult to obtain a thick jacket right into hoop of a smaller sized size. The additional area in a bigger hoop makes this possible. This periodically is the case, especially with smaller placements.

The hoop popping apart is one of the most discouraging things that can occur when dealing with thick coats. This typically happens right after you get it hooped and also are moving it to the equipment. Even worse is when it occurs while embroidery. To alleviate this trouble, I utilize plastic springtime clamps around the outside of the hoop. You have to be careful to ensure they do not hit anything, yet that they assist keep the hoop together while sewing.

Whatever you do, some coats just will not fit in a hoop. Do not stress. There are means to get things onto the needlework equipment that aren't in a hoop. For beginners, when utilizing a normal hoop as well as glue stabilizer, you can stick the item into the hoop. To do this, hoop the stabilizer with the peel-away paper still on it. Once it is hooped, score the paper to as well as peel it away. Put the hoop onto the machine and afterwards straighten the coat over it. It is a good concept to utilize basting stitches at the start of the design to better secure it to the stabilizer. Basting stitches are truly lengthy (9mm-10mm) running stitches around the beyond the style that can be utilized to tack it down prior to the needlework starts. The size makes them simple to eliminate as soon as the style is completed.

This is the same concept as the Fast Frames and the EMS HoopTech Quick Change structures use. These supply a less complicated means to obtain the jacket onto the machine as opposed to hooping truly thick things.

Nevertheless, there are a few downsides to utilizing this method. First is the alignment. Since the hoop is on the within, there is no visual recommendation that will certainly suggest whether it is straight. Second, the coat's cellular lining will stick, leaving the outer layer to move. To overcome this, I connect the plastic springtime secures around the outside of the hoop to hold things together.

You can now really eagerly anticipate the cooler weather and the subsequent coat orders you will get this season. They may need a little even more job, but the payback is absolutely worth it. You can unwind as well as appreciate the attractive autumn leaves while your maker ends up those long, lucrative jacket back runs.

[cyclone-rachel]

Karadox, please - “I love you. I knew it the moment I met you. I’m sorry it took me so long to catch up.” 

Querl has often imagined what it might be like to be uninhibited.

Many times, in the past twenty-three years, he’s considered taking them off- when there is an especially difficult problem, in either century he’s called home, or when he has been ostracized by his fellow Coluans, or even in social situations he doesn’t understand, just to name a few. And each time he has weighed the benefits and disadvantages of such an act in his mind- removing them would certainly help him, or put an end to how others treat him, and it’s certainly something he wants.

But on the other hand, Querl still remembers his father’s reaction when Querl demanded his planet back, the raw anger he felt towards his father then. The pride on his mother’s face when she looked at him, realized that this was truly her son, the heir to the Brainiac line- and how much his father hadn’t wanted that to happen, making sure then that he would never feel such things again.

How he could, if the inhibitors were taken off, and something happened to trigger his temper.

Did he really trust himself that little, that he couldn’t regulate his emotions as an adult? Could he really risk his friends’ lives, exposing them to his true self? Would he be even worse, if he took them off now? What were the side effects of having them on for as long as he had?

He wasn’t sure. He couldn’t. He didn’t know. He didn’t know-

So he always tried to overcome. Always pushed towards being better, doing better, the inhibitors mocking him when he looked at his exhausted, but safe face in the mirror.

Better than being free and dangerous. Better to be trustworthy, than like the rest of my family.

It was a lesson he learned after acting out in spite of the inhibitors, and being coerced into joining his mother, especially necessary when in the Legion.

(With them, he had to be the good Brainiac- upholding that image, of someone truly trying to do good and redeem themselves. And he couldn’t do that without the inhibitors.)

That was what he thought, at least, until a year and a half after he began to live in the twenty-first century- after the Crisis.

In his time growing up on Colu, he had always been confronted by “perfect” Coluans- those who didn’t have to have inhibitors forced on them because their parents trusted them enough. Those who could safely take part in the collective, using its knowledge, without fear that their mind might poison it. Those who mocked him, knowing exactly who he was and why he was different, taking solace in the fact that they weren’t.

(He tried not to hate them. He even tried to be on his best behavior, hoping someday that his father might see the error in his ways, and take the inhibitors off- perhaps within a year or two, or when Querl was done with school, or came of age.)

(That day never came, and his hope for that ended when he found his father dead in his own house, and he hadn’t been able to do anything about it)

He had never before, though, met perfect versions of himself- and that was what he thought they were, when he met them. Uninhibited, lording it over him, not knowing how lucky they were because their versions of his parents understood them better. They acted like they weren’t judging him, but he knew the truth. They were just like every other Coluan he’d come into contact with, everyone who knew what the inhibitors really meant and acted differently towards him because of it.

They pitied him, and he resented them, resented that he couldn’t have come from a universe like theirs, where he could have reached his full potential, didn’t feel a constant pressure on top of the one he had just living with his last name and title.

But… Kara, Supergirl, changed all of that. Her perspective, once he’d opened up to her with his story… it was like magic, to him. She trusted him, even with what little she really knew, and he felt comforted by that gesture. She was warm to him, she always had been, and when his communication with others he’d worked with in his second home century wasn’t the best, they had always understood one another.

And so it was now.

He’d once said that she was stronger than any other Legionnaire, and he had faith in her (only hoping that he could be a fraction as strong). And though he’d doubted their connection other than as coworkers, he now knew that she had faith in him, just as much.

There was no way, then, that Querl would let her down, and with her words echoing in his mind- as well as those of his doppelgangers, who seemed to want the best for him despite behaving as though they didn’t initially- he finally removed his inhibitors.

And when he does, he feels the change- he’s stronger, his mind is clear, just to begin with. But he can’t dwell on it, not until after the battle, when he meets with his doppelgangers and they give up their life projectors to him, willing to sacrifice their physical forms and become one with the collective.

Once they do, he feels them strengthening him- but more than that, is able to access their memories as well, see the Earths they came from.

(Understands that just because they didn’t seem inhibited, didn’t mean they were free of problems- they were still Brainiacs 5, still bore his title, and they had gone through so much more loss.

But he would succeed where they failed, be a Brainiac 5 worthy of admiration, and once he did, everything would be alright again.

He hoped)

But with those memories comes something he didn’t expect- he sees the doppelganger with the ponytail and force-field belt snuggled up with his Kara, wearing a slightly different outfit from the ones he’s known her to have. He accesses all manner of their happy moments, hoping he isn’t being too intrusive (refraining from looking at the memories of their being intimate), and again is jealous- wishes his inhibitors hadn’t prevented him from having successful relationships.

He sees, as well, his female doppelganger- she too has a successful relationship, is happy with the woman she married just as she’d told him- and begins considering the partnerships he has had, in both the centuries he has lived in.

And over the course of the months he has to work for Leviathan, he holds those memories in his mind, telling himself he will think on them again when the time is right, that he has to focus on what he must do right now. Anything else is negotiable.

But once he is almost killed, and brought back, sees that Kara has devoted so much of her time to caring for him, has cared for him all along even when she is busy or otherwise occupied, he has to act on it.

Even if there are risks, like when he was inhibited, he’s free to take them now. Wants to take them, when he might not have much time left as it is, and won’t let those words go unspoken.

So, once they are alone, he tells her.

“I love you.” He says. “I knew it the moment I met you. I’m sorry it took me so long to catch up.”

#papa don't look #rachel answers questions #minifics #supergirl #karadox #bluerose512 #fanfics #kara danvers #kara zor el #querl dox #brainiac 5 #ship: believe in all the possibilities #supergirl season 5 #supergirl spoilers #i'm sorry this took so long #hope you like this!

[authorwiththedragontattoo]

The Snitch Seeker Chapter 4

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3  

When he had first heard about Hogwarts eighth year, the thought of attending didn’t even cross Draco’s mind. He had run away from the dark lord, barely evaded Azkaban and spent the last four months living in a house that was being monitored 24/7 by the ministry. They knew every move they made, if Draco decided to put an extra sugar in his coffee one morning, the Ministry knew about it.

So, when Narcissa Malfoy came into his room one day holding a letter from Minerva McGonagall requesting his return to Hogwarts in September, he was shocked to say the least. —– or yet another hogwarts eighth year in which draco redeems himself fic

Rating: Teen and up audiences

Draco startled awake as the dipping of his mattress jostled his sleeping form. His eyes blinked open and he looked to the window, groaning at the stars still twinkling bright and no sunlight in sight. 

“I’m sorry dear, I didn’t mean to wake you.” The low voice of his mother whispering into the darkness eased Draco’s confusion. 

Suddenly a warmth was at his back as he felt Narcissa shuffle closer to him until her arm was draped around his waist and her forehead was pressed between his shoulder blades. Draco sighed sleepily and reached up to hold her hand.

“It’s okay, I was having a nightmare anyway.” 

Draco let his eyes slip shut again, ready to let himself slip back into his slumber, this time with his mother’s presence to make the night a little less frightening when he heard a small whimper from behind him. His eyes shot open again, listening hard to see if he had imagined the noise, but another weak whine confirmed he hadn’t.

“Mother?” He asked, the question met with a sniffle and the grip around his waist tightening.

“I’m okay, my love. Go back to sleep.” Narcissa’s voice wavered and cracked.

Ignoring his mother’s request, Draco gently span himself around in her arms to finally look at her face to face. The moonlight only dimly lit the room but it was enough to see the glow of tears running down Narcissa’s cheeks and to see her crumpled expression. 

“What’s wrong?” Draco brought a hand up to wipe away the tears with his sleeve. 

Narcissa leaned into his touch, and a pained sob left her chest despite her best efforts to hold it back. This seemed to be what broke the dam as many more sobs quickly followed suit.

“I’m so- I’m so sorry…” She tried to speak through the outburst but it only caused her breathing to become more laboured, leaving her gasping for air. 

Draco pulled himself as close to her as he could, tucking his head into her neck and hugging her waist. He shushed her gently, trying to calm her by slowly rubbing circles into her back. 

“My precious boy, I’m so sorry…” She continued to mutter apologies through her crying until eventually she got her breathing under control and her tears ceased. 

She didn’t have to explain what she was sorry about, she didn’t need to tell Draco the reason she climbed into his bed in the middle of the night. He knew. They both did. So he didn’t try to ease her guilt, he didn’t try to tell her that nothing was her fault or that she was completely innocent - he knew as well as anyone that guilt was not that easy to overcome. So instead he whispered, “I love you, more than anything.” into her neck before they were both eventually consumed by sleep once again. 

A bang jolted Draco from his sleep. 

He jumped up into a seated position as his brain quickly tried to catch up with his eyes. He wasn’t in the dormitory, he observed, glancing around the room in confusion. He eventually recognised the large fireplace, concluding he had fallen asleep in the common room. Again. 

He groaned as he felt the ball of pain at the base of his neck that always came from sleeping on the sofa - his body too long to fit on the damned thing. As he blinked back the blurriness of his vision Draco startled to see what he assumed to be the cause of his abrupt awakening. Harry Potter was knelt on the floor frantically trying to pick up what appeared to be pieces of a broken mug. 

Draco froze, unsure of what to say as his eyes found Potter’s. It had been three months since they arrived at Hogwarts and Draco could probably count the number of times he’d seen him outside of lessons on one hand, despite their beds being right beside each other. At first Draco assumed he just didn’t sleep in the dorms at all, but on one bad night in which he couldn’t get a wink of sleep he discovered that Harry usually came in after everyone had fallen asleep and left before anyone woke up. Draco never really slept well, and his light slumber was often disturbed by the rustling of bedsheets in the early morning. 

 It was as if he was actively trying to avoid Draco. Which he probably was. Draco was definitely actively trying to avoid him. 

He could deal with the loneliness, he could deal with constant looks of disgust and disapproval. Merlin knows he’s used to them anyway; but there was something about Harry Potter. Something that had shame burn a hole through his chest and leave his lungs spilling with acid. When he was looking at him Draco suddenly felt like he was taking up too much room, like he wanted to shrink until there was nothing left of him. It wasn’t like Harry looked at him with hatred or disappointment, in fact he didn’t really look at him with anything. Everytime it had been a blank stare, like he didn’t quite know how to react. It was a change from the years of scowls he used to receive from him, although this is somehow worse. 

Although this time, there was a flicker of something; Draco couldn’t place it, he had an almost incredulous look to him as they made eye contact. And his cheeks had dusted slightly pink, probably due to causing such a disturbance. 

“Sorry,” 

There it was, the first words he had heard from Harry Potter in seven months. Draco tried not to dwell too hard on the irony of it. 

“I was trying to make a cup of tea, I didn’t want to disturb you but I… I dropped it.” 

Draco’s eyes gave Harry a quick once over, taking in his mussed up bed hair, the stubble on his chin, the almost childish plaid pajamas. Although Draco couldn’t judge, after all he had unfortunately slept in his robe. He looked back to Harry’s face, which was still looking at him with an odd expression. 

“It’s uh… it’s ok.” Draco stuttered, cursing the roughness of his sleep-heavy voice. 

Harry nodded and offered him what seemed to be a half smile; although it could have easily been mistaken for a grimace, before turning and awkwardly shuffling from the room. 

The tension finally seeped from his muscles as the awkward situation dissipated and Draco felt his breath return to him. He glanced to the grandfather clock beside the fireplace and tried to ignore the fact that it was 5:15am. 

He brought a hand up to rub his tired eyes but froze when he felt a wetness on his cheek. Tears. 

He had been crying in his sleep, and Harry Potter had seen it. Bollocks. 

He frantically wiped the remaining tears from his face, cheeks burning with embarrassment. God he must have looked pathetic. No wonder Potter was looking at him like he had grown another head. 

The memory that came to him in his sleep had left him feeling vulnerable, reminding him how terribly he missed his mother - he missed both his parents, really. But he felt a fierce need to protect his mother, he hated being away from her for so long. She could take care of herself, of course - but something about remembering the night she had sobbed in his arms left Draco wondering if he should just go home for Christmas and stay home, and never return to this godforsaken place. 

After deciding some tea ought to calm him down he moved to stand when he was reminded of the exact reason he had fallen asleep in the common room in the first place. His (still unfinished) potions homework lay crumpled on the sofa where his body had just been. 

-----------------------

Draco could swear steam would start rising from his quill any second.

Potions had once come so easy to Draco. He was easily in the top three in his class for most of his time at Hogwarts, he was gifted in it and he really did enjoy it thoroughly. He had often pondered the idea of taking up a career in it, maybe a potioneer or possibly even a Healer. 

Of course, he had to let that dream die when his sixth and seventh academic years were spent practicing the Cruciatus curse instead of doing his potions homework. The result was he was almost a year behind everyone else in terms of knowledge - and he was struggling to keep up. 

“Mr Malfoy?” 

Draco’s eyes darted from his parchment and resisted groaning out loud as he saw Professor Slughorn looking at him, ready to ask him a question no doubt. 

“Professor?” 

“A fire protection potion turns a total of three different colours while brewing. What colour should it be when it is ready?”

Fuck. He hadn’t gotten to the fire protection part of the homework. He had fallen asleep while doing the Veritaserum section. 

“Um… blue, sir?” 

“Afraid not,” Slughorn shook his head, “It should turn red. Blue, green and then red.”

Draco frowned and brought his pen back to scrawl down more notes. 

Brewing the potion was even harder. It wasn’t exactly a particularly difficult potion, but it was sensitive to how you sir it - and if you stirred it the wrong was then the consistency wasn’t correct. Draco was on his second attempt and the room had dwindled down to only a few people who were still left brewing - most people having been successful quickly. And it wasn’t exactly like people were rushing to be his partner, so there wasn’t anyone he could ask for help. He’s not exactly sure his ego would allow him to do that anyway. 

He looked at the crushed Wartcap powder in his mortar, and figured it was ground enough, so he went to add it to the cauldron when a voice came from beside him.

“It needs to be finer than that.” 

He turned to see Hermione Granger looking at him. Draco didn’t like looking at Hermione, it made him feel ill to his stomach. Not because she’s bad to look at; she’s rather beautiful actually. But because every time he saw her face, he can still hear her screams echoing throughout his home. 

But it seems he was doing a lot of things he didn’t like lately, so he looked at her anyway. 

“The Wartcap powder.” she confirmed, evading her gaze from him to the mortar, “you haven’t ground it enough.” 

He continued to look at her in confusion, making no move to alter his mistake. He was in enough shock that the girl had even approached him, never mind offered him advice on how to pass the class. She could have gone the rest of her life never saying a word to Draco, never even looking in his direction and Draco wouldn’t have blamed her one bit. He would have encouraged it! Hell, she could even jinx the back of his knees every time they were in the same room and he would have written her a ‘thank you’ note. 

Yet here she was, offering her help. 

She seemed to become visibly uncomfortable at Draco’s continued lack of reaction, so she reached for the textbook that Draco had failed to actually look at, “you need to read the instructions carefully. it says it needs to be ground until it resembles sand, yours looks more like breadcrumbs.” 

Draco still remained confused and greatly uncomfortable with the situation, but he concluded he wasn’t quite ready for his mother to receive a letter home saying he was failing, so he looked to his mortar. It did kinda look like breadcrumbs. 

He hesitantly brought the pestle back to the powder and began to grind again, after a few long, awkward minutes, it reached a finer consistency. 

“There, now add it to the cauldron and stir clockwise.”

“Look I can read a textbook, you don’t have to be such a know-it-all.” Draco spat, feeling increasingly embarrassed about the situation. 

Hermione blinked at him and stepped back, looking frustrated, “Fine, you can complete it yourself.”

She turned to leave when Draco’s arm reached out to grab hers. He immediately let go when he noticed he had grabbed her left forearm, much like him she kept it constantly covered up. 

“No, sorry. Please help me with the incantation.” He muttered quietly. 

Hermione looked briefly to the arm that Draco had grabbed, before nodding her head and turning back, “Stir it in then.”

This time without argument, Draco stirred the potion until it finally turned the deep red colour he had been hoping for. He felt his lips tilt up into a small, timid smile. 

“Now, flick your wand like this,” she motioned her wand in a psi shape, “and say the incantation frigore flamma”

Draco complied, and the skin of the potion set alight with flame, the flames then turned blue before disappearing, leaving a perfect Fire Protection Potion. 

Draco sighed in relief, “It finally worked.” 

“Well done.” Hermione smiled. 

Draco looked to her, and remembered all the times he had envied her for her potion making skills. Potions was supposed to be his thing. Something he excelled at. Something that had made his parents proud. And then a muggleborn came along and was suddenly always above him. It had infuriated him, and yet he never once thought that perhaps he could learn from her. A chuckle slipped past his lips.

“What?” She asked him.

“All that time I spent trying to beat you. I should have just asked you for help.” 

A funny look graced her features, it almost looked like… shock, but also, pride? Like she had wanted Draco to say something of the sort but like she never expected it to happen. 

“Well done Draco! A fine example of a Fire Protection potion!” Professor Slughorn interjected as he looked into Draco’s cauldron, “You ought to take a vile with you, it can be a very useful potion.” 

Draco did, and he looked at the potion in pride as he left the room before slipping it into his pocket. He hadn’t made a successful potion in months, and now that he had he finally started to feel like perhaps he could complete the year with good grades and maybe even think about having a life in the future. 

“You’re about seven months too late, Malfoy.” Seamus Finnigan approached him. Draco felt his heart sink, he had been trying his hardest to avoid him. 

He didn’t necessarily blame Seamus for not wanting him around, but he didn’t appreciate how he actively seeked him out to remind him what a vile human being he was. Draco wasn’t blind to the irony of it. 

“What?” 

Seamus gestured to his pocket, “That potion. I think Goyle could have used it seven months ago, but I doubt it’ll be much use to him now.” 

The people that had heard what he said went silent, and stopped to look at Draco. People around them audibly gasped. And for good reason. Draco felt a raging fire burn through his veins. Finnigan was always vocal and was never one to wait to voice his displeasure. He could be a little mean now and then, but he was never cruel.

And using Draco’s dead friend against him was cruel. 

“That’s not fair, Seamus.” Draco heard the voice of Ron Weasley behind him but he made no move to look, he was too busy trying to burn holes into Finnigan with his glare. 

He itched to reach for his wand, his hand twitching towards where it was concealed in his cloak. The action made Finnigan arch a brow, challenging him. He knew what he was doing. He wanted Draco to hurt him, or at least attempt to. Because he knew if he did he would be sent home and his second chance would be blown, he would just forever be known as the irredeemable Death Eater and eventually people would forget about him. He almost considered taking the bait, this whole ‘second chance’ thing was becoming tiring, he missed his mum, had no friends and he wasn’t even doing well in his classes.

But as always, the image of his mother stopped him in his tracks. Her getting kicked out of their house with no money to fall back on, having to take care of his father while trying to house, clothe and feed them. Draco being unable to get a decent job due to having no N.E.W.Ts. He lowered his hand, not taking his wand. 

“I don’t need this.” He muttered, before storming past. 

He avoided looking at the portrait of Goyle on the wall as he carried on walking until he was out of the castle doors. 

People who asked to be tagged:

@fantasticreads0402

@idk-i-draw

@laviepotato

#look at him #finally being nice to someone #kind of #it's not mean #anyway #harry potter #draco malfoy #the snitch seeker #writing #draco malfoy redemption #good draco malfoy #hermione granger #seamus finnigan #ron weasley #horace slughorn #drarry #its not really i just like using the tag for clout #narcissa malfoy

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: Pure (2/?)

Summary: Belle wanted to wait until marriage before she had sex for the first time. It was the one thing that still stuck in her mind after leaving her small town upbringing steeped in religious doctrine and abstinence culture. When her wedding night comes, however, the purity ideals of Storybrooke’s sex education are hard to shake off, and making the transition from virgin to sexually active is more difficult than she anticipated. With the help of a patient husband, Belle begins an intimate journey into understanding her body, her desires, and her identity as a woman.

Rated: E

======

Pure

Two

When she woke the next morning, sunlight peeping in at the edges of the thick curtains, the first thing that Belle felt was hot. She’d rolled away from Aiden during the night, but even so, she hadn’t reckoned on how warm a second person would make things under the covers. She liked it; she’d never need to bring a hot water bottle to bed with her again at this rate.

She rolled back over onto her side, pressing in close against Aiden again. She could feel him hard against her thigh, but she wasn’t unduly worried. Thankfully basic biology had been one thing that she had managed to teach herself that had stuck, after she’d left high school with an only very vague understanding of how the human body, whether male or female, worked. She wondered if the school still had all the old textbooks, with the pictures of genital anatomy inked out in Sharpie to avoid the teenagers getting any unsavoury ideas about the opposite sex’s naughty bits.

Waking up beside Aiden was something that she wanted to do for the rest of her life. That was one of the reasons why she had agreed to marry him, because even if she hadn’t actually slept in the same bed as him before now, she had always known that it was something that she wanted to do in the future.

And she did want to have sex with him. The thought of waking up with him after a night of passion was a thrilling one. Even more thrilling was the idea of waking up and then going straight back in for a morning of passion.

The problem was that she had such vague and nebulous ideas about what a night of passion actually entailed. Fiction had been her only guide so far, and she had grown out of her wide-eyed, small town naivete enough to know that fiction wasn’t reality. You couldn’t get decent sex education out of a romantic novel.

The internet had proved slightly more helpful, but almost more contradictory than everyone in her hometown had been, and every time she went looking for more useful resources, she always felt that snide little voice in the back of her mind telling her that this wasn’t something good girls ought to be looking up. Good girls shouldn’t be interested in sex. Good girls just lay back and let it happen. Or, if they were very good girls, then they didn’t let it happen at all. As much as she tried to counter-argue, ultimately that little voice would win, and would send her scurrying to close the browser and go and stick her head in the fridge to cool her blush.

Storybrooke was a good little religious town. Since leaving it to go to university in Boston and never returning on a permanent basis, Belle had lost most of her religious beliefs when she had learned that what was practised in Storybrooke wasn’t so much religion as a way of scaring everyone into subservience.

Ever since she had left and had her eyes opened, Belle had never really called the place home again, but still felt enough of a connection to want to get married there among the friends and family that she’d grown up with. She thought that they’d have more of a problem with Aiden, since he was twenty years older than she was and was already divorced, and like he’d said last night, half of the town seemed to think he was some kind of devil who’d seduced their sweet Belle away from them.

The other half were willing to ignore that in favour of the fact he was a successful businessman and property owner who could probably buy the entire town three times over if he had a mind to.

As part of its good little religious life, Storybrooke was obsessed with virginity. Especially the virginity of its young women. It was almost creepy, how seriously they took their abstinence education. Belle had recognised that only once she’d left the place, and she wondered how many women who had lived their whole lives there had missed out.

Sex before marriage was practically worse than murder when it came to the many deadly sins, which had led to the current dichotomy in Belle’s head that she could not seem to reconcile. Sex was terrible, sinful, an awful thing that you should never ever do. If you had sex before you were married, then you were used, marked for life, sullied. You would never again be pure in the eyes of God.

And yet, sex was also something that was so pure, so special, that the entire reason you should never have it before marriage was because it was something so heavenly it should only be experienced with the person you would spend the rest of your life with. It was precious and shouldn’t be shared around willy-nilly with everyone.

Belle had never truly been able to get her head around the paradox of something being terribly sinful and yet heavenly pure at the same time, that something could be evil or good depending on whether or not there was a ring on your finger at the time you did it.

As if that wasn’t enough food for thought, there so many paradoxes when it came to the act itself; once you’d got past the marriage part and therefore sex was no longer evil but actually a duty to be performed in order to have children. Yes, nice girls, pure, virginial girls, weren’t supposed to enjoy this wonderful, heavenly act of love, after all. Sex was for making babies.

But not your wedding night, obviously. You had to be on contraception on your wedding night in case, shock horror, you were on your period that day. You couldn’t present your husband with a bloody mess, after all. That was supposed to come later once the hymen was broken and you were officially deflowered. No longer a virgin. No longer pure.

No longer meaningful in the eyes of the town.

You weren’t supposed to like this act that you’d spent so long waiting for and preparing for.

As these thoughts were tumbling over and over in Belle’s mind, she began to come to the realisation of what had gone wrong last night. She hadn’t got to the bottom of it all by any manner or means; there were still going to be a lot of conversations to be had. But at the end of the day, she’d reached the crux of it.

She was scared, as simple as that.

The realisation took a huge weight of her mind. She had no idea what she was going to do with it now that she had come to it, but at least she could give voice to it properly. And if Aiden was the Aiden she had always known and loved, then he would help her through it. He had wanted to help her last night when she had been too emotional and overwrought to articulate anything of any use to anyone.

She smiled against his chest, closing her eyes again. It was a start, a baby step in the right direction.

A few minutes later, Aiden shifted and woke, pressing a kiss to her forehead before stretching out his arms and legs.

“Good morning, my beautiful wife.”

“Good morning, my beautiful husband.” Belle laughed. “We’ve only been married less than a day and we’re already one of those sickeningly happy couples from the commercials.”

“I’m very glad to hear that you’re feeling happier this morning.”

“Very much so. Yes. I’ve been thinking.”

“Good. Maybe hold that thought until after breakfast?”

Belle’s stomach gave an aptly timed growl. The reception did seem a long time ago now.

“Yes. Good idea.”

Belle reached for the room service menu as Aiden got out of bed and padded towards the bathroom, and she felt absolutely no shame in checking out his ass as he crossed the room. She had already accepted so much of what her upbringing had told her was sinful and she had no fears of going to hell. Appreciating her husband’s body was not something that she was going to feel guilty about. There were several reasons why she had married him, but the fact that he was very attractive was certainly among them.

They feasted on fruit and pastries, sitting on the end of the bed wrapped up in the hotel’s fluffy robes whilst they fed each other pieces of melon and strawberry, laughing with the sweet romance and silliness of it all. They needed to talk about what had happened last night, or rather, what hadn’t happened, but it wasn’t hovering over them like a black cloud, which Belle had worried it would. No, it was just a conversation that needed to happen. There was no blame on either side. No one at fault except the culture that had messed with Belle’s head so much.

It was only once they were full and leaning back against the headboard that Aiden turned to Belle again.

“Do you want to talk about it yet? We can put it away if you’re not ready.”

“No. I think the sooner we talk about it then the sooner we can work through it and the sooner it’s sorted. Otherwise it’s just going to be hanging over us forever.” She sighed, accepting Aiden’s arm around her shoulders before cuddling in against his side. “There’s a lot to unpack, and I accept that I probably should have talked about it before you know, the actual event, but there are some things that have become so ingrained that I just accept them for what they are. Not talking about losing my virginity being one of them.”

Aiden didn’t say anything; he just gave a small nod for her to continue with her piece.

“I think the thing that really freaked me out last night, the first thing to overcome, is that I was scared. I still am scared, and I’m not really sure how to stop being scared.”

“What are you scared of?” Aiden asked. “The first step to conquering a fear is always to name it so that you can confront it head on.”

“I’m scared of it hurting.”

“Sex shouldn’t hurt. If it does then I’m doing my job wrong.”

“Yeah, I know that it’s not supposed to hurt normally. I’ve read enough and seen enough to know that most sex scenes in books and films have the heroine screaming with pleasure, not pain. But this is the first time, and in books, it’s not normally so. The ones I’ve read with virgins are usually as prudish as I am and cut to black before the deed gets done. The first time always hurts. Breaking hymens and bleeding and the like. And you know, I’m not exactly stretched a lot. I’d had such a wonderful day, and I didn’t want to end it in pain.”

“Sex shouldn’t hurt,” Aiden repeated earnestly. “Not even the first time. The whole breaking and bleeding thing, it’s a load of bollocks. If you’re ready, then it won’t hurt, I promise. And if it does, then we stop, it’s as simple as that.”

“Yeah, but what if the fear of pain is the thing that’s making me not ready?” Belle thumped the pillow behind her in her frustration. “It’s a vicious cycle. And I think I am ready. I’ve been ready for ages, but I stuck to my resolution to wait till last night. It’s just this fear.”

“OK, maybe ready was the wrong word.” Aiden stared off into the middle distance, concentrating hard. It was his thinking face, the little furrow between his brows back again, and Belle had to laugh at it.

“Normally you’re so good with words,” she said. “You always seem to find the right ones when you’re making your deals. I’m sure you used to slaughter people in the courtroom with a well-placed word.”

“Oh, I did, which is why it’s so important to me to choose the right ones now.” Aiden gave a definitive nod as the correct words evidently came to him. “Ready probably isn’t the right word. Physically ready. Sufficiently aroused and begging to be touched. Then it won’t hurt. I mean, if you’re tense, then it will. But if you’re so drunk on love and orgasms that you’ve lost all that tension, then you’ll be fine. Think of it this way. When it comes to sex, I’m more like a Ford Fiesta.”

“What?” Belle looked at her husband as if he’d gone mad. “Aiden, you’re a Ferrari. Or Cadillac at least. I’ve seen your ass.” Which reminded her, in that moment, that Aiden still hadn’t actually seen her naked.

“I’m very flattered that you think so; but go with the analogy for a moment here. Considering I thought it up on the spot, I’m quite proud of it.”

“All right, all right.” Belle pecked a fond kiss to the end of his nose. “Going with the analogy. You’re a Ford Fiesta.”

“Yes. When you drive a Ford Fiesta, all you have to do is get in it and turn the key and you’re pretty much good to go. Are you with me so far?”

“Yes, but I still have no idea what this has to do with sex.”

“We’ll get there. You, on the other hand, far from being a Ford Fiesta, are more akin to Jefferson’s prize vintage Mustang convertible.”

“What, I only go out in summer when it’s not raining, and I get shut in the garage for the rest of the year? Sorry, sorry. Going with the analogy.” She giggled as Aiden gave a good-natured eyeroll and attempted to silence her with another kiss.

“No. Before you drive the vintage convertible, you take very good care of it. There’s a lot more to do before you can just get in and go. You check the lubricant levels, you check the fuel, you polish the mirrors, you check everything’s all right under the hood… Please say you’re with me now, because I’m not a car expert and I’m running out of things to say.”

Belle nodded. “So, what you’re saying is that I’m high maintenance?”

“No!” Aiden gave an exasperated sigh. “I just mean that when it comes to sex, it takes longer for you to be ready to go. You need more care and attention; you can’t just shove something up there and go. We guys have it easy. Get hard, insert tab A into slot B and ta-da, job done.”

“So, really, you are saying that I’m high maintenance.”

“Yes, but the maintenance is all part of the fun, my dear, and the myth of sex being painful on the first go is perpetuated by people who are too young and-or inexperienced to realise that, or too damn lazy to enjoy the maintenance. I mean, you said yourself, you’re fairly well-read. Wouldn’t all these stories have been so much more boring if it was a simple case of mindless fucking all the time?”

Belle thought about it. “Ok, you’ve got a point there. So, as long as I’ve warmed up properly before the sexual work out, I’ll be fine?”

“Yes.”

“I really need to start reading these books more carefully. This is what happens when you get your sexual education from fiction.”

“All things considered, having seen your home-town, I don’t really think you can be blamed for getting your sexual education from fiction. As fictional as it might be, at least it’s better than non-existent.”

Belle sighed. “You really didn’t know what you were letting yourself in for when you got together with me, did you?”

“Belle, I love you. The bags and baggage that you come with are all part of that. God knows, I’ve got an entire luggage compartment full of my own. I love you, and that means I’ll overcome these hurdles with you.”

“I love you too.” Belle turned fully on the bed so that she could face him, cupping his face in both her hands and kissing him slowly, deliberately. “I love you so much, and I am so glad I married you.”

Feeling emboldened by the conversation, she unfastened the belt of her robe and shrugged it off her shoulders. Although she had no intention of going much further right now, at least she’d know if the sight of her sent him screaming for the hills.

“Belle?”

She took his hands and brought them to the hem of her nightgown, kneeling on the bed.

“I love you. And I want you to see me. All of me. Maybe I’m not ready for the sex part just yet, but I’m ready for the getting naked part.”

Together they pulled the nightgown up and over her head, and immediately, Belle knew that she didn’t have to worry about Aiden running for the hills.

“Oh my, Belle. As gorgeous as you look with your clothes on, you’re even more wonderful with them off. Come here.”

Belle was lost in a flurry of kisses, heated and frantic as she pushed Aiden’s robe off so that she could be skin-to-skin with him, his hands splaying over her bare back and running up and down her sides. She could have kept kissing him all day, but the energy eventually petered out, leaving them lying in a tangle of silk and soft towelling, nestled close together and basking in each other’s warmth until the time came to get dressed and check out of the hotel, ready to start their honeymoon.

There were still things to talk about. The voice at the back of Belle’s mind had not gone away, but at least her immediate fears had been quelled, and she knew that whilst this was going to be a learning curve, it was not going to be a painful one.

They had an entire lifetime to work through it all, and what better time to start than on a honeymoon?

#rumbelle fic #rumbelle #Belle French #Mr Gold #virgin!Belle #Fic: Pure

[dancingsparks]

Don’t forget the fish

Also on Ao3

That was not good. Not good at all. Pansy was going to skin him alive and make him eat it. Or worse. Honestly, Draco should have expected something like that might happen. It was hardly the first time he forgot everything around him, caught up in some bizarre topic or other. That tended to happen rather often actually. Draco might say it came with the job, him being a journalist and all, but in reality he chose his work exactly because of this tendency. It allowed him to study anything he thought fascinating or curious and write enthusiastic articles about it. So while he was supposed to feed Pansy’s fish he had instead spent the last week in the library, buried in books and gathering facts on the mortuary cult of Ancient Egypt. Which was way more interesting than feeding some stupid fish anyway.  But Pansy had entrusted him with this responsibility, which really made the whole thing her fault if you think about it, and left for her holiday somewhere warmer and sunnier. And while he could try to distract her with delightful facts about soul and consciousness of the dead, Draco was pretty sure she would eventually notice her precious fish missing. And somehow he doubted Pansy would appreciate him shifting the blame to her.

He might be able to replace it if he had more time but Pansy was supposed to be back in only a few short hours, which left hardly any time at all to find a convincing substitute. It might be just enough time to flee the country though. But as soon as Pansy realised he’d killed her fish and cowardly fled she would undoubtedly hunt him down and it’d be worse than if he had confessed to it directly. Probably. After all, it wasn’t cold blooded murder but rather an obsession induced forgetfulness that caused the poor animals death. Draco wasn’t sure that distinction would make Pansy any less likely to murder him in return though. Maybe if he could start making amends already, to show his good will, she’d be inclined to let him redeem himself. Expressing his honest regret was surely more believable if he had flowers or something as well as his verbal assurances, wasn’t it? Even if it wasn’t, it could always serve as bribe.

Draco desperately wished for some inane social rule on what to do in this situation, some commonly accepted gesture saying “I’m deeply sorry I accidentally killed your fish. I promise I honestly didn’t mean to and will do everything in my power to make it up to you.” To his knowledge, which was quite extensive thanks to his mother insisting on its utmost importance, there was no such gesture. Ridiculous really, there were social norms for the weirdest things but of course nothing you would actually ever need. He supposed he could always ask his mother for advice, she would probably know exactly how to handle the situation. She would also be very disappointed, way too amused and just a little bit smug about it. No, better to leave his mother out of it completely. She would never let him forget it and Draco was reasonably sure Pansy would see to that already. The only thing Draco could think of presently were flowers, which was rather standard really but would have to do. Pansy would certainly be able to think of more he could do to make amends, just a subtle reminder to that one time he killed her fish and how he kind of owed her. He would have to do whatever she wanted for the next month at least.

***

The flower shop seemed to belong in one of these old paintings of sunny market places with its buckets filled with various flowers shaded by a striped marquise. Honestly how he never noticed it before was a mystery to Draco, seeing as it wasn’t far from his flat at all. Entering the shop he was immediately engulfed in that special smell that seemed reserved for flower shops only, exhilaratingly alive while simultaneously calming. Looking around he saw pots with more flowers, ready-made bouquets and other floral arrangements. It was absolutely beautiful. He was startled out of his reverie by someone who must be the shop assistant greeting him. The unexpected noise made Draco flinch as he stumbled around, causing the bloke to laugh. Wanker. Admittedly, he was an extremely good looking wanker, so maybe Draco could forgive him this once. The most noticeable thing about him were his strikingly green eyes, full of life and humour. It shouldn’t be allowed to have such expressive eyes, brimming with emotion. They should also be hidden by the glasses he wore but they only served to make them stand out more. Same with the black mess of hair. What could easily resemble a bird’s nest instead gave him a just shagged look. The look was continued with a pair of well-worn jeans that sat dangerously low on his hips. Draco quickly looked up again, trying hard not to blush. Judging by the smug smile though he was not very successful with that. Deciding to pretend he wasn’t horribly flustered he quickly pulled himself together, donning what Pansy liked to call his Malfoy-mask and moved to stand in front of the incredibly handsome man.

“I accidentally killed a fish and am now in desperate need of some flowers to stop Pansy from murdering me.” The smug grin fell from the man’s face and he was instead frowning in confusion. Irritatingly, he didn’t look any less attractive for it. Or maybe it was a good thing he didn’t. Draco certainly wasn’t going to complain. He didn’t understand the reason for the confusion though; he thought he was being perfectly clear.  He had killed a fish and therefore had to earn forgiveness to prevent his impending murder, what was not to understand there? Not allowing his own internal frown to show on his face he continued smiling patiently and watched as his request was slowly processed.

“I’m sorry, you did what?” Oh, Draco had been sure he had finally overcome whatever caused the problem but apparently not. The bloke looked incredulous and terribly amused. Draco frowned at him. “I literally just said that, I killed a fish. Is that somehow difficult to understand?” Okay, so maybe he was slightly defensive and just snapped at the man for a justified question. He supposed he had given very little information.

“Oh of course, my apologies. Just right over there is where we keep our Sorry I killed your fish assortment. Do you want a Please don’t murder me card or balloon?” Draco couldn’t help it, he laughed. Evidently the bloke wasn’t stupid after all and rather funny. Maybe the Malfoy-mask wasn’t the right approach here.

“Let’s try that again. Hi I’m Draco, pleased to meet you. I was recently entrusted with the welfare of a fish by my dear Pansy who is just now coming back from her holiday. Unfortunately I got lost in the Egyptian realm of the dead and consequently forgot all about the fish in my care. Which cost the fish his life and maybe mine as well if I can’t convince Pansy to refrain from murder and instead make me pay until the natural end of my life, trying in vain to gain forgiveness. I had hoped that a carefully chosen bouquet of flowers might reflect these intentions and thereby save my life.” He looked confused again and for a short moment Draco debated whether he should just leave and buy flowers somewhere else, when he broke out in a loud laugh. He had a really nice laugh. Draco decided to stay. For totally unrelated reasons of course. He simply had no time to search for another flower shop, convey the dire situation and be back before Pansy arrives, that’s all.

“It’s very nice to meet you Draco, I’m Harry. I am deeply distraught to hear how very near your death is and offer my services to help you avert that horrible fate.” Then he went down on one knee, pretending to be a knight of old, offering his sword in service.  Draco wasn’t sure if he was mocking his melodramatic little speech until Harry looked up at him, eyes sparkling with mischief and failing to hide a smirk. It seemed Harry had a flair for the dramatic too. Thus encouraged Draco drew himself up to his full height and tried to look imperious. “I gladly accept your service, you may rise” With Harry once again standing (was he closer than before or did he imagine that?) Draco actually had to tilt his head up a little to look into his eyes. They silently stared at each other for a moment until they were suddenly laughing again.

The following silence had the potential to become very awkward, very fast and Draco was searching for something to say when Harry cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair. He seemed rather flustered. “Well now that I pledged my soul to you-” here he smiled at Draco, not flustered anymore but surprisingly warm and earnest -“did you have anything specific in mind?”

“I haven’t really thought about that actually. Purple hyacinths classically express sorrow and apologies and they are quite beautiful, so these. Geranium means stupidity or folly; that might fit as well. Maybe bluebells too, they stand for humility. Hydrangea can mean thank you for understanding, if paired right. Daffodil might represent forgiveness. Why are you looking at me like that?” Harry stared at him, astonished and apparently just listening to Draco naming flowers.

That shook him out of his daze. “Nothing, just -” and he ran his fingers through his hair again, which explained the glorious mess it was in –“I wasn’t aware you knew what all those flowers meant, is all.” There was that smile again, that bright, honest smile making Draco feel warm and wanting to smile back.

“Oh, well. I don’t know all that many really. Just the major ones, I’m sure you know more than me, part of the job and all that.” Why did he have to be blushing again? It wasn’t even a real compliment, no need to blush.

“In fact, I know absolutely nothing about the Secret Languages of Flowers. And I don’t actually work here. I mean, I kind of do, but not on a permanent basis? The shop belongs to my grandma, you see. She has always wanted one, since she was a little girl she says, so when she came from India with grandpa he bought her this shop. Anyway, bottom line is, this shop here is her dream come true and she wouldn’t trust anyone not-family with it. So whenever they go on holyday or something I mind the shop for her.”

“Wait, are you saying you don’t know what a single flower in here means?” That couldn’t possibly be what Harry meant, could it? Wasn’t one required to know that when one worked in a flower shop, on a permanent basis or not? Even more importantly though, flowers are beautiful and a whole language consisting of them was simply marvellous.

“Not quite. Hyacinths mean sorrow, geranium folly and daffodil forgiveness. I did listen to you, you know.” Predictably, that made Draco’s heart beat faster than the situation warranted. It seemed even small smiles of Harry had the power to render him completely useless. He had to sternly remind himself of the marvel the Language of Flowers was and how Harry had to discover it as well. And maybe, how very much Draco would like to be the one to introduce him to it.

“That is unacceptable. I can’t allow you to live in ignorance any longer. I will have to teach you, anything else isn’t fair to the flowers.” Draco was proud to say that he sounded very determined und self-assured. He felt neither of these things. Quite the opposite, he was scared Harry wouldn’t want him to; that he would make him pay for his flowers and throw him out. But Harry smiled and this particular smile relieved all his fears.

“I would like that very much, Draco”

#my writing #drarry #Harry Potter #fluff #flower shop #flower #language of flowers

[oh-warukunai]

Hangeauweek - Day 3: School

Trigger warning: Bipolar disorder

A/N: I literally just translated this from my original version in spanish, so bear with me here. 

Title: Three

She would’ve liked to say her school years were good. She really did. When her colleagues shared all those stories of foolishness and high school crushes she listened to them as a far away tale, difficult to understand.

“What about you, Hanji? Did you do something crazy with your classmates?” Nanaba looked at her with wondering eyes. Hanji had kept herself unusually quiet the whole conversation.

“Not so much, if I’m being honest” she answered with a shrug. She gazed at the day outside her window, the summer warm that didn’t penetrate her office. She pretended to be a bit more focused in her work than in the casual chatting, but Nanaba was persistent when she wanted to.

“I don’t buy that at all! Someone like you! I bet you did so many wild shit they became normal to you” she laughed; but her laughter stopped abruptly when she noticed Hanji’s expression. A private look that was did not seemed focused on the topic at all.

“Just say yes, Levi! Tell me we’re going to leave this place for good! I can’t keep going like this, everyday, all the time”

“Of course you can, you have to! The hell you want? To end up like me?!” His voice was sharp

“Would that be so bad? You are free, you can do whatever you want” she insisted

“I do whatever I want because no one cares. That’s not freedom”

Nanaba touched her shoulder. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No, not at all. It’s just… that I really don’t have anything interesting to say on this subject. Just boring teenager stuff”

Nanaba got up with a frown. The conversation had became uncomfortable, there was a certain tension in the air that Nanaba preferred to avoid with the excuse of making more coffee.

Hanji stayed there, still. Ignoring that endless report in her screen that she still hadn’t finished, remembering things that she had tried hard to forget, stories that belonged to an fathomless past.

“The psychiatrist put the documents over the desk and examined Hanji, with the kind of look that tries to read the mind. The doctor then turned her gaze towards Hanji’s mother.

           “You understand what I’m saying, right?” 

           “You’re saying that my daughter has Bipolar Disorder. A sixteen year old girl! I’ve been reading, you know? Don’t you think I haven’t. I’ve been reading that that thing isn’t easily diagnosed on a teenager, it’s usually adults that…

“That’s true, it’s not easily diagnosed, but I’ve been seeing Hanji for over a year. The diagnosis is clear.

“No, no” her mother shook her head. “That’s a mental illness and my daughter is not mentally ill. Are you telling me she’s mentally ill? Like the kind of people that would wonder the street, screaming nonsense all over the place”

The doctor moved in her seat, with an obvious awkwardness. “Hanji, I think it’d better if your mother and I discussed this in private. Please wait outside” Hanji hesitated, gave up in the end. While she was closing the door, her mother muttered those damn words.

           “She’s not crazy, doctor!

Hanji sat at the waiting room, took her headphones and tried to focused on something else. So what if she was bipolar? Or was it “have” bipolar? Whatever! It didn’t matter, she would still be miserable, the difference is that feeling would now have a name. Yes, she tried hard to bring logic into it, but she wasn’t successful. She found herself covering her eyes with one hand and the tears streamed down the sleeve of her school uniform. She drowned the pain as much as she could.

A touch of a hand made her jump. When she looked up, she hesitated. She knew that person well, but never expected to see him there.

           “Erwin, what are you doing here?” the boy was a class above her and they have exchanged a couple of words more than once. They were both grade A students, but Erwin was also on the football team which gave him a popularity beyond her reach. She felt intimidated, but she managed to mask it.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“No” Hanji remembered that Erwin had lost her father not so long ago in what everybody said was a horrible accident. There was a reason he was seeing a shrink too. Erwin gave a empathetic smile and relaxed in his own seat.

“Me neither”

Hanji took off her headphones. She did not said any other word, but also stopped crying. For a moment, she breathed in peace with the silence, Erwin’s presence gave her a serenity she could not put into words”

Hanji’s mood was already ruined after Nanaba’s inquisitive question. No, her school years where marked by an unique adolescence, filled with meds, doctors and pain.

She lied on her stomach over the couch, trying to hide from the world for just a second. Nonetheless, she knew herself pretty well and nothing good could come from locking herself into her own mind. She grabbed her phone and looked for the name that would ease her mind, the one that could definitely understand her.

The velvet voice on the other end said hello to her with the surreptitious warm that was so usual on him

           “Can I ask you something?”

“You will ask even I say no, right?

“Do you remember anything good about our school years? The teenager years? I can’t… I can’t remember anything”

Levi stayed silent for a couple of seconds

“Nothing, you say? Nothing good? I can’t believe you”

“There was nothing! I just can’t recall anything. I just remember my mom thinking I was crazy, my nonexistent father, my cruel brother, the bullying in school, the depression and the mania. It was not a happy time like everybody says it is. I know you see my point”

“Hanji, did you really called me to ask me this? I’m a bit busy, let’s talk about this later…in some other time”

Hanji nodded, but her heart sank. After hanging up, she looked at the roof until absolute boredom, until she had counted all the stains and identified a half-dead fly. If Levi didn’t want to talk about it, nobody would. Erwin didn’t like to remember the past, ever. Levi, in the other hand, was not afraid of open bitterness. She was certain no one else could understand what it was like not being a “normal” teenager, to feel like a share of what everybody in the world has had a taste had been stolen from her.

The bell of her apartment rang and Hanji was ready kick out anyone who dared interrupt this moment.

“It’s me”Hanji recognized the voice. She opened the door and Levi stood there, with a coffee in one hand. He gave it to her. “Here, it’s the one you like, with the cream and that ridiculous amount of cinnamon”

“Thank you” her words sounded like an interrogation. “What are you doing here?”

Levi did not answered, but invited himself into the apartment.

“I can’t believe you said you had no happy memories from back then”

“Levi, you more than anyone can understand me! You were kicked out of your home, you had to work for a living when you were fifteen, you were always about to drop out. That’s worse than what I experienced. I know you did overcome all of that, you have that great job, that beautiful home and the most adorable dog, But that doesn’t mean that anything before that wasn’t absolute trash”

“No, you don’t get it” Levi got close and put his hands in each of Hanji’s shoulder. “We were together, weren’t we? You, Erwin and I. After we met, we were always together. That’s the good thing that happened to us”. Levi’s voice was almost a whisper, but Hanji felt like it slapped her in the sweetest way, “Yes, a bipolar girl, an orphan guy and other one abandoned by the only family he had left was not the most brilliant or positive group, but we survived. We survived, because we stood together all the time” Levi’s eyes met her own in a way that felt so intimate. “Don’t you remember that?”

Hanji covered her mouth with one hand, the thoughts were spinning in her head. With her free hand she grabbed Levi by the neck and pull him towards her to hug him. She hugged him so hard Levi had to push away just a little bit to have room to breath. Hanji hugged him to the past, until those years that she will, from now on, remember as the time she met the most important men in her life, the first ones she truly loved. She will only remember them and blur the rest. Only the three of them chatting at the park, lying in the grass, looking at the sky, dreaming about a future that already arrived.

#snk #hange zoe #levi ackerman #hangeauweek #hangeauweek2019 #tw: mental illness #school #teenager angst #aot #erwin smith #fan fic #tbh this little thing happened because not so long ago I had the same issue as Hanji #I couldn't remember being happy while being a teenager #I'm bipolar and I spent my teens being depressed #but i realized that I had my friends with me #one of them who is until today my best friend #i also met the love of my life then #and we're still together #i met the most important people in my life during my teens #and yes those years were awful #but they gave me something so good in return #so yeah sorry for writing for a very personal experience #couldnt help it #thats all i could think about when i thought about the school prompt

[myouki]

Misery Loves Company: Chapter 2

Chapter Warnings: 

Depression

Credits: 

Goth: @nekophy

Palette: @angeutblogo

***

Overcoming the shock of the normally calm and collected Reaper shouting at him, Palette squeaked out, "Y... Yeah, he’s here. He showed up about ten minutes ago looking really upset saying he didn't want to be alone. We're about to eat and play some video games."

The young skeleton could hear the tension drain from the adult's voice as he breathed, "Thank the stars... I swear that kid's gonna be the death of me."

Palette noticed the older skeleton wasn't laughing at their own joke. Turning to make sure he was still alone first, he asked quietly, "... If you don't mind me asking, did something happen?"

There was a pause on Reaper's end before he said, "Has Goth told ya what he does for a living?"

"Yeah... he said he collects souls from people that have passed away and guides them to the afterlife," the young skeleton stated in a wary tone.

"Yup," the parent confirmed only to release a heavy sigh as he continued, "Unfortunately, some cases are more... difficult to handle than others. Those are usually assigned to more senior reapers or I do them myself if I have time.

“Goth was acting like his normal self when he picked up his list this morning, but the day passed and he never showed up to hand in his report. I wasn’t too worried since it’s not unusual for collections to drag on longer than intended. It wasn’t until I looked into his assignments that I found out there was a mix-up and he somehow got saddled with one of the more violent cases by accident."

"Oh stars...," Palette whispered, his mind buzzing in dread at the thought of what 'violent case' could mean. It would definitely explain Goth’s earlier behavior.

"Pretty much my reaction when I found out," Reaper confessed, "I called Goth right away to check in and got his voicemail. Then I tried Geno and he was out shopping. Said he forgot something he needed for supper and wanted to get some errands done while he was out. Geno teleported home once I told him what happened and he found the door was unlocked, but Goth was nowhere to be found. To make matter worse, Geno started panicking when his call to Goth’s phone went straight to voicemail as well."

That explained Reaper’s outburst. They were both probably fearing the worst.

"Well, he seemed really shaken up when he came over and didn't want to talk about what was bothering him, but it didn’t look like he was hurt," Palette explained as the microwave beeped, prompting him to shift the phone between his shoulder and skull to free up his hands, "I brought him inside for some video games to help distract him and started making some bagel bites for us to eat. Do you want him to come home instead?"

Reaper's voice seemed unsure as he said, "Goth’s only had one bad run-in on the job before, one of his first assignments. I had to step in and it took him over a week before he was able to go out and try again. I’ve tried to keep him to tamer collections since then, but he might need a few days to relax if the assessment in front of me’s anything to go by.

"Geno most likely wants him home... but honestly, it'd probably be better for him to stay with ya since you’re the one he went to for help. If ya think ya got a handle on things and Dream doesn't mind him staying over, he'd probably be more comfortable there."

Palette put the last of the bagel bites onto a plate, tossing the greasy paper towel into the trash and moving over to the sink as he replied, "I don't mind and mom's supposed to be gone all weekend, so we can keep each other company. If anything happens or Goth decides he wants to go home, I can just call you or Mister Geno, right?"

"Sounds like a plan. I'll let Geno know Goth's okay and he’s staying with you," Reaper sighed in relief, "Just try not to have too much fun, or Geno might blow up at both of us."

Palette paused from washing the grease off his hands, "Why would Mister Geno be mad at us having fun?"

"... Nevermind, you don't need to worry about it," the parent chuckled nervously before composing himself, "But seriously, thanks for being there and looking after him. Our job can be emotionally taxing, so it's good to know Goth has someone he can trust besides us when things get to be too much."

"No problem, I'm happy to help," Palette chirped, drying off his hands and retrieving the plate, "is there anything you want me to tell him?"

"Let Goth know he’s got the weekend off," Reaper suggested, "though I’ll need him to send over whatever collections he completed today so I can figure out what's done and what needs to be juggled around. I'd also remind him to call or text his mom before taking off next time... maybe have him send Geno a text later for some peace of mind."

"Right," Palette cringed, knowing how Geno tended to be, "Anyways, I should get back to Goth. I'll call if anything changes."

"Thanks, have a good night," Reaper bid farewell, a soft click signaling the end of the call. Pocketing his phone once more, Palette jogged back up the stairs with their food.

Peeking into his room, Goth seemed to be lost in thought as he stared at the screen, tapping through the clothing menu. Palette announced himself by rapping his knuckle against the doorframe and entered the room, "Hey, how's it going? Find anything you like?"

"Oh, yeah... I think I'm almost finished," Goth confirmed quietly as Palette set the plate down in front of them and flopped onto his pillow. With a soft murmur of thanks, the hooded monster took one of the bagel bites from the small pile and nibbled on it as his attention returned to the T.V.

"Your dad called while I was downstairs," Palette relayed as he picked up one of the bites, "He wanted to make sure you're okay. He said you have the weekend off and could stay over if you wanted. He also needs you to send him what you collected for work and recommended you text your mom later."

Goth flinched, "Sh- shoot, mom must be worried sick... and I completely forgot to report back to dad, I should do that now." Setting down the controller and reaching for his phone, he tapped on the screen and frowned when it didn't light up. Pressing the button on the side did nothing as well.

Palette peeked over, "It must have died. You can put it on my charger and message them later."

"Alright, thank you," the smaller murmured with a tired expression, plugging his phone in and setting it on Palette’s nightstand, returning to his seat and picking up the controller once more. Watching closely as Goth refocused on the game, the taller skeleton could make out faint bags lining the smaller's sockets. His legs were tucked up against his chest as his arms curled around them holding onto the controller and there was a distinct slump to his posture. He still looked sad.

Determined to change the mood, Palette scooted closer and wrapped his arms around Goth's shoulders and neck, nuzzling his cheek into the top of Goth's hood. The smaller yelped at the contact, "Palette?! W... What are you doing?"

"Sorry, you just looked like you needed a hug," the taller skeleton explained, resting his chin on top of their skull, "Do you want me to stop?"

"N... no... it's nice, thank you," Goth mumbled, grabbing another bite to cover his blush and returning to the game. Palette watched from his position as the smaller skeleton eventually settled on an outfit reminiscent of a purple and white wizard with various stickers scattered about its clothing.

Detaching himself from his friend and picking up his own controller, Palette quickly selected his own costume. The smaller snorted at the hodgepodge of items thrown on his companion's character, "What are you supposed to be?"

"I am a mutant bunnycorn sailor!" Palette stated proudly, puffing out his chest as Goth huffed amicably, "Anyways, let's start the first level."

As the pair were taken to what looked like a garden level, Goth quietly said, "Thank you, Palette."

"Hmm?"

"For letting me stay with you... and trying to make me feel better. Thank you," the smaller elaborated, his face flushing a bit.

"Of course!" Palette smiled brightly, "Anything you want to do, we have all weekend to do it!"

As Palette showed Goth how to move his character through the obstacles and they progressed through the game, he noticed the small skeleton’s posture slowly shift and the air of melancholy around him seemed to dissipate a little.

It wasn’t perfect, but Palette had all weekend to help Goth pick himself back up. For now, it was a step in the right direction.

***

Some of you might be wondering about Goth's first run-in. I used an ask from nekophy as a reference. Reaper would handle the violent or aggressive collections while he would let his brother (Reapertale Papyrus) handle the more mundane ones. When Goth came of age and Reaper brought him along for his first job, he figured Goth could handle the aggressive ones as well.

Unfortunately, the malevolence and hatred within the soul proved to be too much for Goth. It overwhelmed him, nearly causing another Reaper Chara to be born. Reaper stepped in before that could happen and reaped the soul in Goth's stead, but the incident left a mark on Goth and he wasn't able to work for a while.

Once he was finally ready to try again, Reaper tasked him to collect the soul of an old man. The old man was stubborn at first, but Goth was able to talk with them and help them pass on safely. That was Goth's first successful job.

Since then, I imagine Reaper is very careful who he hands out violent collections to, scattering them between the ones he thinks can handle them. This cuts down on the chance of another Chara incident happening while keeping his employees from going off the deep end and becoming the next name on the list.

#Poth #Goth #Palette Roller #MLC #Short Stories #MyWriting #TW: Depression