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arlert-angel · 3 years

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love fast, die young ☪

♡ jean x fem!reader

❥ you know that at any moment your life could be cut short as a scout, and the last thing you want is to die a virgin, so why not ask your best friend that you’re in love with for some help?

❥ wc: 5.8k

❥ cw: near death experience (reader), virgin!reader and virigin!jean, cannonverse but no plot, loss of virginity, slight size kink, cream pie, aftercare, fluff

❥ note: i was invested in the story of this one lol, it's a lot more romantic than i initially intended. they’re aged up, but the cannonverse details don’t make sense for the plot, so let’s pretend it does yay.

Arriving back from expeditions was always an exhausting feat within itself, sometimes more so than the actual expedition.

Commanding officers had to count their losses, healers had to tend to the wounded, and everyone who was good enough to stand had to report their kills and assists. Of course that was the immediate tasks that needed to take place, but then came the grief. Friends looked for one another, many people cried, and names could be heard shouted all around as everyone arrived at headquarters.

You weren't that different, but you were silent as you scanned the crowd looking for your tall best friend. You knew he was with the best of the best in Levi's squad, so you weren't too worried. However, you also knew the previous best had been wiped out before the new group came.

Anything could happen which made you all the more anxious.

You and Jean were not on the same squad. You first were offered a position on the Levi squad with the rest of your friends, but then Hange handed picked you to help them with their experiments, claiming they needed your mind to work with them. Hange is very likeable and now one of your closest friends, and at the time it seemed impossible to say no to them.

Hange's and Levi's squad tended to work together a lot and definitely trained together, so you didn't miss your friends too much. It was only when expeditions approached and new formations were made, when you had to be separated from the rest of your 104th pals.

You never complained about the separation. It wouldn't last forever, maybe a couple days at most, and then you return to laughing and working with the rest of your friends. You had no complaints until this particular expedition.

You had a close call.

In fact, so close, you might as well have kissed Death on the lips while you were so close to the afterlife.

The mission was going according to plan. It was a simple scouting mission in the mountains that were, for the most part, titan free. Your squad was on the left flank of the formation, near the edge of the mountains. The cliff sides surrounding you guys held a beautiful, yet slightly scary view. The drop had to be at least 300 feet.

You should've known something bad was going to happen as soon as Hange called out, "Hey, Y/N, check it out!" But you weren't thinking that hard, for the day had been so peaceful.

The path you all had taken was so close to the cliffs that the squad was riding single file for safety. There was enough room to pass one another, but you had to do so very carefully.

You rode ahead, passing Moblit. You sent him a questioning look as went by, but he only shrugged, not knowing what Hange was raving over. When you slid off your horse and next to Hange you saw what they did.

A very large cave.

"Should we go inside?" Hange looked at you, clearly excited, but it was an awful idea.

"No!" You tried to sound stern, knowing how they needed a firm rejection or they'd always get what they wanted, "Do you see the size of the thing? This looks like a comfy home for a 10 meter titan, maybe even 15 meter class if they hunched over."

"Do you think they'd crawl around in there?!" Their eyes widened and the familiar look that you've seen so many times on their face appeared. It was their usual expression they had when you conducted experiments with them. You swore to yourself how you fed their curiosity on accident.

"What's going on?" Moblit now arrived, wondering what the hold up was about.

"They want to go inside that death trap," You pointed at the ominous cavern in front of you all.

"You cannot be serious!" Moblit exclaimed in surprise, the volume echoing down the stone and dirt walls. Moblit continued his rant, stating the obvious, but you tuned their debate out. You just stared into what looked like an abyss.

There was no movement, no noise, not even the breeze seemed to reach here.

But for some reason you had a gut feeling. A gut feeling that saved all of your lives.

"Move!" You shoved Hange into Moblit which effectively knocked them both to the side of the cave and used your ODM gear to swing yourself to the opposite side.

The large hand reached out as you tried to get out of the way, but because you helped the others you weren't quick enough.

Luckily, the titan's grasp only managed to get tangled in your ODM wire and couldn’t quite reach your actual body.

Unluckily, the titan was managing to drag you like a ragdoll and if you didn't do anything quickly you would be engulfed in the darkness where it was hidden, and then probably engulfed in it’s stomach.

You had to think quick on your feet and so you drew your blades and slashed the wire on your gear all together. You could've attempted to slash at it's hands, but that was no guarantee. The wire was sliced with a clean snip.

Now you were free, you stumbled back at the loss of momentum. You took one two many steps back, and that last step didn't hit the gravely earth that the others had.

Your foot didn't hit anything at all.

You were about to fall off a cliff.

Ironic to escape death one way only to quite literally fall into its clutches another way.

But, you didn't fall.

Your eyes were squeezed shut in absolute terror, and when you opened them at the lack of free fall, you saw Hange.

They had managed to save you by the front of your shirt, yanking you back on solid ground. Moblit had been keeping the titan at bay, and continued to do so as you and everyone else turned their horses carefully around.

Thanks were shared by yourself, Hange, and Moblit at the different lucky saves. They praised your quick thinking and response. None of you actually saw the titan coming. You just knew. You seemed to recognize the familiar feeling of dread from the presence of a titan that wanted to eat you. Even if you couldn’t see it.

Hange continuously apologized on the way back, but it wasn’t really their fault. It’s not like you actually entered the cave like they wanted. And it was probably a good thing you guys stopped when you did. If the group rode past the cave something worse might have happened.

After that close call you wanted nothing more to find your best friend and have his familiar comfort.

"Y/N? Whatcha still doing out here?" You spun around quickly and saw Connie.

“Oh, hey! I’m just looking for Jean, have you seen him?” You didn’t want to panic, but it was weird to see Connie without Jean.

“Yeah! Mikasa killed this titan that had snuck up right above us and it’s blood got all over Jean it was so funny he screamed like a girl. But yeah, he went to the showers immediately,” Connie explained laughing at the memory. You laughed along and wished you could see it yourself.

“That’s funny, I should probably shower too, this mission felt particularly long,” You grumbled more to yourself than Connie, but he picked up on your off tone.

“Did something happen?” He asked genuinely concerned. You might’ve been closest to Jean, but Connie and Sasha were also very close to you. The four you always had the most fun together, and got in the most trouble.

“Kind of, a titan snuck up on us too, but we were near the cliffs so there wasn’t all lot of room to work with. I almost fell, but on the bright side I overcame my fear of heights,” You laughed, but it was more anxious than joyful.

“Oh shit, that’s awful!” Connie’s eyes widened in horror, “I'll tell Jean to come find you when I see him.”

“What why?”

“You were looking for him right? He’d definitely want to know that you’re okay after that. He worries a lot, you know? It’s always: I hope Y/N okay, where’s Hange’s squad again, I wish Y/N was here, Y/N would love this view. Someone has to tell him to shut up at least once every expedition.” Connie actually did an okay Jean impression as he ranted to you, but you didn’t comment on it.

You were too surprised. You didn’t know Jean worried about you. He never once came to you with any fears about expeditions. He always asked you what happened, but that’s just a normal conversation. It wasn’t too strange for someone’s best friend to think about them when apart. What was strange was the happy feeling you got knowing that Jean couldn’t shut up about you. A weird fluttery feeling danced in your stomach and you felt almost giddy.

Connie noticed your lack of response and noticeably paled.

“Fuck, wait, I didn’t tell you that! Jean’s gonna kill me, Y/N please don’t tell him I told you!” He grabbed onto you, begging. He shook you enough that it got you out of your confusing thoughts.

“Um, okay? I don't see what the big deal is. I think about Jean on expeditions too, that’s not weird right?” You smiled reassuringly and Connie’s whole body sagged in relief.

“Not at all! Have a nice shower!” Connie ran away, actually ran, trying to separate himself from that conversation. He thanked the Walls that you couldn’t read between the lines.

After that odd conversation you got a change of clothes and towel, and then headed towards the showers. You passed Sasha and Mikasa on the way in and they both gave you pleasant greetings, all parties glad to see each other alive and well.

You tried not to overthink, but the hot shower gave you all the time to do so.

Your thoughts jumped from almost dying, to Jean, to these overwhelming feelings you seemed to harbor.

You knew you loved Jean. You both even told each other sometimes. Your mind never wandered further than viewing Jean as your best friend only because you didn’t think that’s what he’d want.

When you first met Jean you had a small crush on him, admiring him from afar until Marco introduced the two of you. Once you grew closer and noticed his infatuation with Mikasa your feelings sizzled out in a bitter simmer. Your bitterness didn’t last long though, you were happy you had someone to rely on no matter what. After Marco passed, Jean was your crutch and vise versa. Romance would only make things confusing and besides you didn’t have any experience in the matter.

But now as you think more and more about him you wondered if those feelings ever went away. You thought about his laugh and stupid tone he gets when he tries to act cocky. You thought about his eyes and how pretty they look in the sunlight. You thought about his ability to read your mind without you having to tell him something’s wrong. He was your person.

You came to the conclusion that there definitely was something more than platonic there, but there was no certainty he felt the same. He would’ve said something by now. When he liked Mikasa he was so obvious, openly talking about her to everyone. You would’ve known something by now if it were the case, right? You knew he didn’t like Mikasa now, he told you explicitly for some reason, stating you needed to know. He also didn’t talk about liking anybody new.

Sighing in frustration, you turned off the shower, now squeaky clean. What was supposed to be a relaxing shower just stressed you out because of your stupid brain’s overthinking.

And it didn’t stop. As you dropped your messy uniform in the laundry, it reminded you of the day.

Today proved that any moment could be your last. Being in the scouts has always been dangerous, and you knew you were a disposable soldier. You didn’t mind it much, but now you realized how little you had experienced. You had never been drunk, your only kiss was with Marco in a game of truth or dare, and you were a virgin.

You didn’t want to die a virgin.

You thought of Jean. You wanted to be with him at least once before you died. You didn’t want to die without knowing how it felt to have everything with Jean. Your love for him definitely wasn’t platonic. You didn’t want to die without him knowing.

Your mind made up, you walked the halls with a little more determination than usual. You wandered around for only a couple minutes before running into Eren.

“Horseface is looking for you,” He pointed around the corner. You gave a quick thanks before quickly going in that direction only to collide with the person you were searching for.

“Y/N!” Jean surprised you by pulling you in a tight hug. As he pulled away he took note of the blush that was now on your cheeks, but didn’t comment. He also didn’t let you go completely, leaving his hands on your shoulders. Unable to help himself.

“Hey, I was looking for you,” You smiled genuinely, only slightly nervous now. Even with the giddiness he gave you, he still managed to calm you down.

“Me too, Connie said something happened with your squad, so I asked Hange about it and they told me everything,” His eyebrows were pulled into a worried furrow, “I wish you were in our squad.”

“Me too, but I like being with Hange too,” You stated honestly, “But it’s alright, everything worked out in the end.”

“Yeah, but you almost fell off a cliff! Y/N if I lost you I’d…” He cleared his throat before shaking himself out of his thoughts, “I’m just glad you’re okay. You said you were looking for me, what for?”

“Oh! Um…” You looked around and saw Eren eavesdropping blatantly with a knowing look, causing you to quickly turn back around, “Can I talk to you in my room about something?” You shift your weight from side to side, visibly jittery.

“Sure?” Jean was confused and noted you looked more flustered than before, but he couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong like he usually could.

You walked side by side, passing Eren along the way who gave you both a smug wave. When Jean wasn’t looking you turned around and gave him the finger. The walk was silent and your hands brushed each other softly.

Once you were behind closed doors you felt yourself relax a little more. It was just Jean, you hyped yourself up. Even if he did reject you the worst thing that could happen is him make a stupid joke out of everything, but you doubt he would. You knew he at least respected you.

“So, what’s so serious that you needed to be away from nosy Yeager?” So he did see that ass listening, you thought.

“Well… You know about my close call today… It got me thinking,” You started safely.

“You can think? Like, there’s a brain in there?” Jean acted surprised and grabbed your head teasingly.

“Shut up,” You laughed and slapped his hands away before adding, “It’s serious.”

“Okay,” He took a seat on your bed comfortably, an action that was not unusual, you hung out in each other’s room all the time. He gave you his full attention, no longer joking around.

“I thought about how at any moment we can die, that sounds morbid, but it’s true. And then I thought about all the stuff I haven’t done and all the things I haven’t said,” You explained further, still not getting to the point.

“So, you want to make a bucket list?” Jean tilted his head, trying to follow, “That’d be fun.”

“No,” You rolled your eyes lovingly, “I, more specifically, thought about all the stuff we haven’t done together.”

“Oh, you want to make a bucket list together!” Jean perked up.

“Jean stop trying to guess and let me explain,” You laughed and he complied, pretending to zip his lips shut.

“Jean,” You approached the man, invading his personal space, “I don’t want to die a virgin, do you?”

“No…” Jean blushed at the sudden topic change, wondering why on earth you were bringing that up right now.

“And… I love you, and I know you'd treat me right,” You cupped his cheeks in your hands. You were standing in between his legs now, him leaning back on his hands looking up at you. He was tall, so he didn’t have to tilt his neck that much.

“I love you too, what are you going on about?” His face was drawn in clear confusion, a cute expression, if he wasn’t being so frustrating.

“No, Jean,” You leaned impossibly close, your face right in front of his, “I’m in love with you.”

Then you boldly straddled him before you planted your lips on him.

You were shy, unsure if he would reciprocate the kiss, and it seemed like he wasn’t. You panicked instantly. Your heart was pounding and you pulled away. You were terrified you screwed everything up. You looked at him and he seemed to be frozen.

“Jean?” You worriedly looked at your catatonic friend whose eyes were wide in shock, “I made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry! Please don’t hate me!” You began to try to climb off him, but his hands shot to your hips, holding you in place.

“Y/N, you’re in love with me?” He still seemed to be stunned, or maybe he didn’t believe you, but he held your gaze with serious eyes.

“Yes,” You made sure to keep eye contact despite the heat that rose to your cheeks, to make sure he knew you were dead serious.

“Good,” One of his hands left your hips to your cheek. He guided your mouth back to his.

He was kissing you. He was actually kissing you. It was slow and sweet at first. He stroked your cheek lovingly and your lips slowly moved in sync. It was when you repositioned yourself on his lap, accidently grinding into him, when the kisses started to become more feverish. He groaned into your mouth and the hand left your face and found it’s new home on your ass. He squeezed it harshly, making you gasp. He took the opportunity to introduce his tongue to yours. He surprised you when he sucked on your tongue, making a small whimper escape you.

Jean pulled away, taking in your flustered state with blown pupils of his own. Both of your lips were swollen and you both needed to catch your breath.

“I love you too, you know?” Jean pushed some of your hair out of your face with a soft smile, “I figured you didn’t feel the same and wanted to just be friends, so I didn’t say anything.”

“I thought the same, or that you might still like Mikasa,” You admitted shyly, looking down where your bodies met.

“Hey,” He tilted your chin so you held eye contact again, “That was a stupid crush when I was kid, and I told you that ended a long time ago, didn't I? I’m in love with you.”

“We were so stupid keeping it to ourselves,” You laughed and Jean openly admired you in what looked like awe. His gaze made you feel bashful, almost wanting to hide your face with your hands.

“We were, I could have been kissing you so much sooner,” Jean mumbled, already leaning back to you. This time when your lips met your tongues danced together immediately. You knew Jean also didn't have much experience, but with the way he kissed it seemed like he did.

"Did you mean what you said?" Jean pulled away only for a moment to ask before returning right back to your lips.

You pulled away, trying to decipher what he was referring to. "Wha–" Your breath hitched when you felt Jean kiss your pulse on your neck. He began sucking on a particular spot that made you moan, surprising both of you.

"You're so beautiful," He commented then explained, "Did you mean what you said about that virgin stuff?" He seemed shy all of sudden, his hands were sliding from your hips to your thighs, almost like he was trying to soothe himself.

"I meant every word," You said honestly, "I want to experience all of you."

"God," Jean seemed to like that statement, "I don't know what I'm doing, so just know I'm learning as I go. Just tell me what you like and don't like."

"Of course," You gave him a reassuring smile, "I'm not worried, I trust you."

"Good," He said again before spinning you around and lightly throwing you on your bed. He hovered over you, not putting much, if any weight on you. He resumed the make out session, but this time letting his hands wander.

He first tugged at your shirt, which you helped him quickly pull over your head. You hadn't worn a bra, assuming your plans for this evening were eating then just passing out.

Jean seemed to drink your body in, just staring in lust and awe.

"You can touch me," You tried to sound reassuring, but it sounded more like a beg.

Jean took your breasts in his large hands and just felt you. You almost laughed at how mesmerized he looked, but that was when he latched his mouth on your nipple. That action seemed to send a current of electricity straight to the heat in between your legs. You arched your back and let out a surprised moan which made Jean quickly pull away.

"Did I hurt you?" He looked scared.

"No, it feels good," You murmured as you unconsciously rolled your hips wanting friction.

"Oh, that's good," He shot you a grin before throwing his own shirt to the side. He went back to kissing your chest, this time his hand tweaked the nipple he wasn't sucking on, causing even more pleasure. You bit your lip only letting out whimpers, a little embarrassed of moaning so loudly again.

"J-Jean," You stuttered out, gripping his broad shoulders.

"Hmm?" He hummed, he had been having fun leaving purple marks across your tits.

"I-I need…" You didn't finish.

"What do you need, princess?" He asked genuinely, but his deep tone sent shivers down your spine.

"More, I don't know," You admitted.

"Okay, don't worry," He gave you a peck, "I'll take care of you."

He began taking off your pants, helping you get them off your ankles. He stood to take off his own pants as you admired him. His body was so toned from the life of being a soldier. As you took him all in your eyes landed on the bulge that was very prominent in his briefs and for the first time you felt nerves about having sex with him.

"Jean, how the hell is that supposed to fit in me?" You didn't even see it out of it's cage, you couldn't imagine that monster in action.

"It has to fit right? People have sex all the time," Jean looked down at his own dick before looking at your panties with a frown, "I'll make sure to stretch you out with my fingers to help."

"What do you mean?" You blushed as Jean returned his body on top of you, giving you warmth again. This time putting a little more weight than last time. You could feel his restrained cock against you this time.

"You know, fingering, you've done it to yourself before right?" Jean asked curiously.

"I've tried, but I couldn't reach any particular spots that made me feel good, so I mostly just got off with my clit," You explained, a little embarrassed.

"Well, I have long fingers," Jean began to slip off your last item of clothing. You gulped nervously, you now were exposed completely to him.

"So pretty, and you're wet," He groaned and looked back up to you, "Open your mouth."

You almost asked why, but you didn't want to kill the mood, so you complied. Jean slid two fingers into your mouth and you got the message. You wrapped your lips around his fingers and hollowed your cheeks, sucking on them.

"Fuck," He sighed out and you felt him twitch against you.

He pulled his fingers out and moved them back between your legs. He first slowly thrusted one finger inside you, to get you used to the unfamiliar feeling. The stretch wasn't too painful, and he was definitely right. His fingers were longer.

He moved the one finger in and out of you slowly at first, picking up the pace as he continued. When he felt you relax completely he added a second finger. This time the stretch was a little more, making you tense.

"You're so tight," Jean was watching your pussy in wonder and slid his body down, so his face was near it.

"What are you– Oh my God," Jean's lips sucked on your clit softly, then continuously kitten licked it, all while maintaining his finger thrusts.

"You taste good," Jean said it so casually, you'd think he was talking about the weather. He removed his fingers for a moment to get a better taste. He kissed you directly on your cunt before penetrating you with his tongue. He moaned against you, sending vibrations into you. You tried to unconsciously escape the pleasure, your thighs attempting to close, but Jean's large hands held you down.

He returned his fingers inside you and this time adding a third. It stung more than before, but Jean's mouth on your clit made you forget all about the uncomfortableness. He began curling his fingers inside you reaching a spot that instantly had a knot forming in your stomach. Your hands shot around you, one gripping the sheets and the other in Jean's hair.

He latched onto clit again and you gave up on trying to quiet your moans, embarrassment be damned, it felt too good.

"Jean," You moaned his name, which only made him moan back in return, "I-I'm going to…" You whined a little, not quite there yet, but right on the edge.

"You're going to cum?" Jean asked, not even completely pulled away from your clit to do so, "Go ahead and cum on my fingers, baby." He quickened his strokes and returned to your clit. It was just enough to send you over.

You grinded into his hand and cried out. Jean moaned too as if he was being pleasured just at the sight of you or maybe it was because of the sensation of your tight pussy clamping around his fingers. He couldn't help himself and licked up some of your release, making you jump.

He moved back up to you with a content smile, "Did that feel good?"

"Yeah," You smiled back through half lidded eyes, still buzzing from the pleasure.

He gave you a deep kiss and you could taste yourself on him. Tasting your own saccharine flavor was strangely erotic.

Jean pulled away, "Is it alright if I take my cock out?" He asked beforehand just in case you changed your mind.

"Yeah, of course, I want to see the monster that's going to destroy me," You joked and earned yourself a cocky smirk.

Jean took off the only clothing that was separating the two of you. You glanced down and saw his size more visibly now. You were right to be intimidated before, he was huge. Jean seemed to take note of your apprehensive expression so he returned to giving you some kisses in order to soothe you.

“We’ll take it slow and if it’s too much just tell me,” Jean assured you which helped calm you down.

“Okay, I’m ready,” Your eyes met as he began to rub the head up and down between your folds, collecting its wetness. He rubbed it over your clit and back down, making you feel particularly tingly. When he started pushing the head inside you had to remind yourself to not tense up, but it was hard. He was stretching a lot more than his fingers did. His cock added an unfamiliar pressure inside you that his fingers didn’t.

“God, that’s just the head and you're already squeezing me,” Jean threw his head back trying to regain composure. It was also his first time and he did not want to embarrass himself by finishing quickly. Also the gentlemen inside him wanted to feel you cum around him first.

He slowly continued to push further in as you grabbed his arms to brace yourself. When he finally bottomed out you swore you could see the bulge on your tummy. He kept still and waited for you to give him the go ahead even though he had the incredible urge to just thrust forward.

“You alright?” Jean's voice was more strained than usual.

“Yeah, why the fuck you gotta be so big, Jean,” Which only made Jean smile and give an apology kiss. You took a few more moments getting used to the stretch when the pleasure overtook the pain. You felt the veins on his cock inside you. You felt so full, but so good. You grinded into him trying to feel more and Jean noticed.

“I’m going to start moving now,” Jean warned and began pulling back before snapping his hips forward. You both cried out how he filled you up, your walls fluttering around him.

The pace was unrushed and steady to begin with. He withdrew his cock only to plunge it back into you, hitting you deep, in a repetitive matter. You felt the pleasure everywhere, all the way in your toes.

You started meeting his thrusts, moving your hips in order to do so. Jean hitched your leg higher which only made you feel him deeper, hitting a sweet spot that caused you to gasp.

“You can go faster,” You said breathlessly, “Please, Jean, it feels so good.”

“Fuck,” Jean moaned back, his slow deep thrusts turned into a quick pounding. He continuously hit that new spot every time. Your whimpers turned into uncontrollable moans. Not wanting to make too much noise you buried yourself into the crook of his neck, sucking and biting his skin.

You briefly looked down where your bodies met and saw him pumping out of you, your slick covering his cock and your thighs. The sight made your eyes roll back into your head.

“Please,” You moaned into Jean who brought his hand to your chin, forcing you to look at him.

“Please, what? What do you want, princess?” He grunted a bit after, not once did he lose his pace.

“I want… Ah… Please, I don’t know,” You felt like you could cry, you were right on the edge. You didn’t know what you needed, but you felt too good to try to figure it out. You figured he was close too by the way he was twitching inside your pussy and his thrusts became a little more desperate.

“Open,” Jean brought his fingers back to your mouth, groaning at the sensation. He kept them there for a few more moments than necessary, just enjoying the way you looked with your pretty lips wrapped around him.

Then he brought them between your legs and began rubbing your clit at the same pace he was thrusting into you.

“J-Jean, I’m gonna cum,” You grabbed his wrist, almost overwhelmed by the feeling.

You cried out his name as your pussy milked him, triggering his own release. He groaned your name as he came. You felt the warmth of him spill deep inside you and it made your pussy tremble all the more. He gave a few final thrusts before slumping on top of you.

“Look at me while you cum, princess, come on, cum on my cock,” He encouraged you. You held eye contact for as long as you could, but when that coil in your tummy snapped you had to squeeze your eyes shut in absolute bliss.

“We definitely should’ve done that sooner,” He mumbled into your hair, making you giggle.

“Definitely,” You echoed back.

He slid out of you after that, making both of your bodies shudder at the loss of connection. You pussy still trying to pulse around something.

“I just showered,” You commented with a frown, looking at the mess between your legs.

“I’ll go get a towel?” Jean offered, and you gave him a nod. He redressed quickly, kissed you deeply, then stated he would be back soon.

You threw your shirt back on while you waited. You felt so sleepy after that. Even though you wanted to feel clean, you wished you cuddled with Jean some more, already missing him.

After a couple more minutes the silence was broken.

“I knew it!” You heard Eren’s familiar voice shout from outside your door and you sat up confused.

“Shut the fuck up before I hit you!” You heard Jean’s voice shout back and then a few more quieter exchanges that you couldn’t make out from the two men. Then your door opened fast, Jean slipping quickly inside, locking it behind him. In one hand he had a warm towel and in the other he had a new set of sheets.

“What happened?” You pointed at the door and Jean scowled.

“Apparently those assholes bet on when we’d finally hook up,” Jean explained before cleaning you up. You blushed as he took care of you. Despite what just took place you still felt embarrassed. Jean noticed and just pecked your cheeks.

“That’s kind of funny, we should’ve placed our own bets,” You hummed and stood shakily, grabbing a new pair of underwear as Jean changed your sheets for you.

“I can’t believe Eren won,” Jean frowned, but when your arms wrapped around him from behind he couldn’t help but smile.

“Will you stay with me? I kind of want to nap,” You mumbled into his back.

“Of course,” You both returned to your bed this time with more innocent intentions.

Jean laid on his back and you threw your arm around his chest and your leg over his, snuggling up into his side.

“I don’t want to die,” You murmured sleepily.

“You won’t,” Jean stated firmly.

“How do you know?” You looked up at him.

“Because we both have something to live for,” He met your gaze softly, before kissing your head again.

You told each other you loved another once again before you both fell asleep. It was a sleep where neither of you had the common nightmare about your untimely deaths.

Instead it was a sleep where you both dreamt of the future you now could have with one another.

#this was so much more fluff than i wanted lol #aot smut #aot #aot jean #jean x reader #jean kirschstein #jean kirstein #jean kirschtein smut #attack on titan #mikasa ackerman #hange zoe #aot eren #eren aot #connie springer #arlert angel

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mercy-burning · 3 years

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Cold Feet

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: After receiving a letter from an old flame just days away from her wedding, Reader wonders if she should call it all off. —Inspired by the song Cold Feet by Tenille Arts Category: Angst (happy ending) Content Warnings: An almost kiss that isn’t with Reader’s fiancé, and blink and you’ll miss it implied smut Word Count: 1.7k

MASTERLIST | Alternate Version/Ending of Cold Feet

NOTE: When @meganskane announced her 700 follower celebration I just knew this idea would be the perfect way to implement one of the prompts she gave! The one I chose is “quit looking at me like that” ❤

Also! Fun fact: this song opens with “they’re all set to go on the 18th of June”, and that’s today, so it’s festive 😊)

***

She should be happily wrapped in a dream, Dying to kiss him and put on his ring. So why is she walking alone after midnight, Down a small town street, with cold feet?

Y/N is currently finding it difficult to breathe.

It was easier a couple days ago when she knew exactly what she wanted. Her husband-to-be was more than excited to marry her, and she'd reciprocated that feeling entirely. Everything was ready to go. Truthfully, they could have gotten married right this second if that's what they wanted, that's how ready to go they were.

But now? She was questioning everything.

She still feels the thin paper in her hands, even with its folded body currently tucked away in an old book she knew was never going to be opened again— a gift from the man who'd written the letter in the first place.

The first time she read it, her heart sank. And by the third time she'd read it, her heart soared.

And then her fiancée walked in, asked her about what to make for dinner, and her heart sank all over again.

Honestly, damn him for choosing now to finally confess. Damn him for making her question everything, after she'd finally moved on and found someone who would always be around.

But then again, she'd ended up choosing to live in a house in their hometown, just blocks away from that creek he'd mentioned in his letter. So... Maybe she hadn't moved on entirely

She hated that she even had to think about it.

She hated that her thoughts were so consumed with this man she hadn't seen in years when the man she was about to marry slept next to her every night, unaware of the start to her inner turmoil. Each night since then, she dreamt of dances with both of them, alternating between the two until they made her choose which of them she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. And every morning she'd wake with an even bigger tear in her heart than when the old flame had burned it alive and left her alone in the aftermath to piece it back together.

Her fiancée helped her do that, though. Day by day he taught her to love again, to trust in somebody again, and he was truly a good man.

So why was it absolutely destroying her, thinking of getting married to him when there was someone else in the picture to think about? Someone who'd had a hold on her for well over fifteen years?

Again, she hated that she even had to think about it.

But she wasn't about to get married with all these conflicting thoughts, so whether she wanted to or not, her only real option was the one that would also be the hardest on her tattered heart.

She'd sent him a text message this morning that read, Midnight, and tucked her phone away for the rest of the day, drowning herself in mindless work and looking to keep time moving forward.

Now, she struggles to breathe as she makes her way down to the creek.

It's cold, having just rained fifteen minutes prior, and she wraps her fiancée's cardigan tightly over her her arms, searching for warmth and comfort. She would have settled for one of her own, heavier pieces, but in some strange way she thought maybe having something there that belonged to her fiancée would ground her, something to remind her of the gravity of the situation at hand.

Nothing could have grounded her upon seeing her ex boyfriend after all these years, though, especially when she finally shows up to their old spot and sees him perched on the big stump right next to the water, relief and joy flooding through his features at the sight of her. His smile is just as bright and familiar as she remembered, and it just about knocks the wind out from under her feet.

"Hi, Y/N," he greets softly, standing up and stretching his hands out over his legs. It's obvious that he's nervous to meet up with her after all these years apart, and she couldn't blame him in the slightest.

She's just as nervous as her feet take baby steps towards him. Meanwhile she's hugging her fiancée's cardigan around her body tighter than before. "Hi..."

"I... I can't believe you actually wanted to meet. Truthfully I thought I wouldn't hear back from you."

"Well... Your letter kind of rattled me... You rattled me. I guess I just had to know..."

There's a long pause before he takes a small step towards her and tilts his head. His words are hesitant, like he thinks she might say something he doesn't want to hear. "And... What do you know?"

"I know that I love my fiancée. After you, I didn't really think I'd ever love anyone the same way again, but... He makes me happier than I've ever been, and I... I can't just discard that feeling because you decided too late that you still love me. You know?"

"I do, Y/N, I really do," he answers earnestly, and this time his hand reaches out to grab hers. "But... I mean, you showed up here, didn't you? That has to count for something..."

She isn't really sure how to respond after that. It's true that seeing this man in front of her for the first time in years has brought back a wave of feelings that she'd repressed and even experienced with someone new.

But it's also true that with those feelings comes an inevitable aftertaste of bitterness. He'd left her, decided ultimately that his career was more important to him, and now that she has someone new he's asking her to leave behind this peace she's found. And for what? For him? What's to stop him from leaving again, or deciding years or months down the road that he'd made a mistake and gotten her to leave her one shot at happiness after him?

Nonetheless, she sits with him for hours, listening to him explain... Giving him a chance.

He apologizes for the past, he promises to do better in the future, and in between he makes her laugh. Their hands brush, their breaths mingle as they huddle from the cold, and with every passing minute, the cardigan on her shoulders becomes looser and more forgotten.

Slowly but surely, he's lowering her defenses and gaining her trust. He's showing her bits and pieces of the man she fell in love with until they're laughing at close to 3am.

And then, for a moment, it's quiet. Absolutely quiet, save for the crickets and the soft rolling of the creek behind them.

Y/N almost lets him kiss her then.

But then her heart hammers in her chest, and not in a good way. Suddenly, she's imagining the pure heartbreak that would surely manifest on her fiancée's face if he found out- if she really decided to leave him for this old flame that had barely started to kindle once again years later.

She has to be absolutely certain of her decision.

So she pulls back and wraps her fiancée's cardigan tightly around her arms. "I should go home."

There's disappointment in his eyes, and it twists her gut a little. "Right... Um... I-I can take you back, if you want."

"No, I, uh... I think I'm gonna walk. I have to think."

Y/N avoids his gaze just quickly enough that she doesn't see the disappointment in his eyes fizzle into a tiny sliver of hope.

Rain on the sidewalk, doubt in her mind. One thing's for sure, she's running out of time To decide what's right, And who's heart she's willing to break.

She climbs into bed some time later, the cardigan still wrapped tightly around her body, and she can't quite bring herself to face the man sleeping next to her. It feels wrong, like somehow she's betrayed him by even thinking of spending the rest of her life with another person. She doesn't feel worthy of his love.

When she wakes up the next morning, she'd somehow ended up facing him anyway. He's staring at her with adoring eyes, and under his gaze she can't help the guilt that washes over her.

"Quit looking at me like that..."

Her words are grumbly and soft because of having just woken up, and because her face is half hidden behind blankets and his cardigan, her fiancée doesn't know anything is wrong.

Instead, he laughs. "What, you're beautiful... And before you start arguing with me, yes, you're even beautiful when you wake up."

She only grumbles, feeling anything but.

It's quiet for a moment or two before he speaks again. "You're wearing my cardigan..."

Peeking her eyes out from the mountain of fabric, she can see the enchantment in his eyes and it makes her warm. "I was cold..."

While true, she mostly means I had cold feet.

"Come here."

Two simple words, two syllables, and yet it's the softest declaration of love she's ever heard. Her body instinctively nestles into his, face going straight into the crook of his neck while he wraps her up in his arms.

"There," he says, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "You feel warmer yet?"

"Mhm..." She sighs into his skin and then takes in a deep breath.

He smells like home.

He feels like home.

And as he starts softly humming her favorite song, rubbing soothing circles into her back as he holds her close, Y/N wonders why she'd ever doubted her love for him.

He is home.

James never was.

Y/N burrows herself further into Spencer's body and plants a gentle kiss to his neck, shivering slightly at the way his curly locks tickle her temple.

He stops humming and laughs. "What are you feeling for breakfast?"

"Hmmm... You." She articulates her point by selfishly kissing his neck, reminiscent of Cookie Monster.

Pretty soon, the two of them are laughing together, limbs tangling and breaths mingling, and then an hour and a half later they're in the kitchen, sipping on coffee.

As its warmth radiates through her throat and chest, Y/N studies him from across the room. He flips through pages of a book as he drinks his coffee, and for a brief moment, his eyes flick up to see her staring.

The action brings a smile to both their faces, and Y/N has never felt happier.

She's never felt more loved.

***

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let-them-read-fics · 3 years

Text

Conflicted Connections

Requested By @rc11: “Reader is drunk and calls Rosé to pick her up since she’s worried. And on the way home, the reader confesses but since she knows Rosé is out of her league she gets all sad. All fluff throughout the way, and the next day she avoids Rosé since she recalls herself confessing and is to embarrassed to face her. Gets a lil bit angst but then they somehow make up at the end.”

Pairing: Rosé x Fem!Reader

Word Count: ~ 6,505

Warnings / Misc. – Mentions Of Alcohol & Partying, Angst, Fluff

Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.

A/N: Thank you for the request! I had fun writing this one, and I really hope you enjoy it. I stuck with the gist, but I added quite a bit :) AND WHO ELSE IS HYPED FOR THE SHOW??? 🥳 I can’t wait to see our girls own that stage 😌

PS ~~ The song used is called "Baby, I Love You" by Tiffany Alvord, and it was specially requested.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

With yet another steaming cup of tea in hand, Rosé makes her way back to her room, settling onto the soft cushions of the bed. Her notebook lays open in front of her, lyrics and annotations beautifully etched into the paper.

She pulls her guitar back into her lap now, allowing her fingers to glide along the strings as she strums out whatever comes to mind. Nothing makes her feel as relaxed as this; she's free to sing whatever she feels -- to play whatever feels right. If only for a little while, she can connect back to her roots and remember how she felt as a little girl; when her heart and mind were unburdened by fear of judgement.

Life isn't always easy, but she takes comfort in the fact that her love of music will always remain childlike, in the sense that there's always something new to discover or tell the world. It goes without saying that being a songwriter is much easier when you're inspired, and Rosé can attest to that. A certain someone has become her muse over the course of the past few months, and her mind is constantly filled with ideas for new material.

As another line pops into her head, she takes the page between her fingers to flip to a clean sheet. A few seconds later, thinking she found one, she begins writing. Soon, though, she discovers that this wasn't an empty page: in the upper right hand corner, a small heart is drawn, encompassing the words "Hi Rosie" and a small smiley face. Your initials are printed next to the doodle, and the sight brings a soft smile to her face. You must've sneakily drawn that when she wasn't looking one day.

Her fingers run along the markings, tracing over the lines as your face flashes in her mind for the millionth time today. The universe must've been listening, because no more than 5 minutes later, her phone starts ringing. She reaches backwards towards the bedside table, and her fingers soon make contact with the device.

"Hey, I was just thinking about you--" She starts, before being interrupted.

"BABY YOU LIGHT UP MY WORLD LIKE NOBODY ELSE--" Your voice booms through the phone as you sing loudly, nearly making Rosé go deaf in the process. She blinks a few times to refocus her thoughts before chuckling lightly.

"Y/N?"

"Rosie I'm at this really fun party, you should come hang out!" Your words come out slightly slurred, but excited nonetheless. It's a bit hard for her to hear you now over the music blasting in the background.

"Ah, I don't know…" She trails off, voice unsure. She'd much rather spend the evening writing about you than at some random party.

"Pleaaseee?" You drag out, making sure to whine for even more emphasis. "I miss you."

Rosé's heart skips a beat at that last part, now thudding obnoxiously loud in her chest. She misses you too, probably more than a 'friend' should, but she can't help it -- you're simply too amazing.

She takes a breath, knowing that she'll likely regret her next decision -- after all, hiding her feelings becomes harder every time she's around you. Regardless, she can't find it in herself to say no to you. "Alright, fine. Where are you again?"

You let out a loud cheer upon hearing her cave in, and she just knows you look like a dork, likely having that stupid little smirk on your lips that she loves so much.

After getting the address from you, she goes into her closet to find a good outfit. For anyone else, she might've just shown up in whatever was comfortable; but knowing that you're there is enough motivation for her to put a bit more effort into it.

Her signature style shines through: she dons a black crop top and jeans, paired with a long, hickory colored trench coat. She finishes the look off with her white sneakers, giving the outfit that final umph that it needed.

With one last look in the mirror, she adjusts her clothes and hair again before heading out.

-----

The moment that Rosé steps foot inside the house, her eyes widen. She's been to plenty of parties before, but never one as chaotic as this. A large crowd is gathered in the living room, making the area that was likely once spacious now appear cramped and tiny. Some people move with the rhythm, while others dance wildly to the beat of their own drum. The music was audible from outside, but inside is a whole nother story: it's nearly deafening now.

In front of her, just past the living room, two guys are fist fighting. To her left, a long hallway is filled with couples making out, likely on their way to the bedrooms. She grimaces before pushing her way past everyone and walking towards the kitchen.

The bright strobe lights from the living room still manage to reach the area, but things are definitely a little calmer here. That's not to say that it's quiet, though: people are gathered around the counters, downing shots and cheering each other on at the same time. Some stumble around, nearly falling over as their friends laugh hysterically and help keep them vertical.

In the adjacent room, two teams of partygoers are busy playing beer pong. It seems to be boys vs girls, and Rose smirks when she discovers the latter are in the lead.

She scans the rooms one more time, but you're still nowhere to be found. A pang of worry settles in her chest, but it only makes her more determined to find you.

And, 10 minutes later, she does. You're outside in the backyard, sitting near the fire pit with a bottle of wine in your hand. The flames are dying down now, long ago forgotten about -- the stars shining in the midnight sky had captivated you, stealing your attention away from keeping the fire fed.

Before she begins her journey over to you, she takes a moment to appreciate how beautiful you look. The remaining embers flicker lazily, creating a deep haze that casts onto your body. The shadows contrast with the light, making your features pop in all the right ways. The sound of someone shouting again brings her out of her daze, and Rose makes her way to you.

At first, you don't notice her. Your eyes are wide, filled with wonder as you gaze up at the sky in awe. Space has always baffled you, and Rose thinks you look adorable when you get like this.

"Y/N," she says gently, standing beside your chair. After pulling your eyes away from the sky, you meet her gaze. A light blush rises to your cheeks at the way she's looking at you.

"Hi Rosie," you slur. The words come out cutely, but she can tell that you're much drunker than you had been when you called earlier.

"How much have you had?"

You scrunch your face up in thought as the last two functioning brain cells in your head go to work. She can practically see the wheels turning, and she can't help but laugh at the look of effort on your face.

"...a lot." You ultimately conclude, taking far too long to come up with such a simple answer. "Alex gave me a couple of his special mixes earlier, I had some shots, and now--" you declare, holding the wine bottle up triumphantly, "--this!"

As soon as she heard his name leave your lips, she frowned. Alex is one of your coworkers and friends, and he's totally in love with you. You're oblivious to it, but Rose isn't and she can't stand him. On top of the fact that he's a guy, he has the audacity to like you? Well, she can't exactly blame him for those things, but that doesn't mean that she has to like him. She's civil around him for your sake, but that's all.

"Do you want some?" You ask, always willing to offer her whatever you have. Sharing is caring, and you definitely care about a certain Australian beauty.

She looks down at you before shaking her head. "No, I'm good." You swish the liquid around, peering down into the bottle as it glides from side to side. "Me too," you say, setting it down beside your chair. "Let's go dance!" You suggest excitedly, using your strength to hoist your body out of the seat. Sorely miscalculating your moves, your foot doesn't quite connect with the ground how you intended; you stumble, falling right into Rosie's waiting arms.

She was watching you carefully, having a feeling that this would happen.

"Nope, I'm taking you home. No dancing for you." You whine and pout, but Rose doesn't budge. Eventually you give up, and allow her to hold you close as she helps you walk out of the house. You rest your head on her shoulder, and she has to fight the butterflies that take flight.

As the two of you near the door, Rose spots Alex in the living room. She shoots him a cocky grin, as if to say 'checkmate' before she leads you out the door.

-----

The ride home was getting off to a rather interesting start. It took Rosie a while to wrangle you into the car and buckle you in, but she eventually managed to do it. Now, though, a new problem is arising: you're being flirty, and she doesn't know what to do with herself.

"You're so pretty," you compliment, leaning over the center console to whisper the phrase in her ear. She gulps and attempts to calm her heart down, but she's having trouble. "Shush," she commands, blushing as she lets out a little giggle. She tries to remind herself that you're just drunk -- that there's no real meaning behind your words -- but it feels good to pretend.

After a moment, you return to your seat, and she lets out a sigh of relief.

Barely 2 minutes later, you place a hand on her knee, saying gently, "You always take such good care of me. Thank you, Rose." She sneaks a glance at you, and her heart nearly melts at the smile you're sending her way. Your eyes are shining with sincerity, and she'd surely get lost in them if she weren't busy driving.

The rest of the ride is filled with more flirting and compliments from you, all of which send her into a gay panic, but she wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

----

Now, laying in your bed as Rosé rounds up some pajamas for you, the effects of the alcohol really begin setting in. You're still in the playful, teasing phase, but you know you'll have a major hangover tomorrow. Whatever Alex put in those drinks is catching up with you and running its course throughout your body.

"Rosie, do you like anyone?" You call out, toying with your fingers like a toddler. She emerges from the bathroom, washcloth in hand, just as you ask the very words she's been fearing.

She goes to respond, but you interrupt her with a drunken giggle. "Because I do. Her name rhymes with nosey." You chuckle at yourself, but she's too busy trying not to freak out to return the gesture. When you don't question her further, she relaxes her shoulders. How many more times could she get away with avoiding her feelings?

She pushes the scary thought away, instead opting to bring over your clothes and give you a minute to change. Thankfully you're coherent enough to do that on your own -- the thought of you flirting with her while half naked and self-assured sends her wild, and she knows she'd slip up and confess.

Once you're dressed, she comes back over to the bed and sits down in front of you. She brings the rag up to your face and slides it across your cheeks and neck, knowing just what you need. This isn't the first time she's done this for you, and she can't deny the rush she feels when you look up at her with those big eyes, filled with gratitude.

You sigh at the coolness, relishing in the way that it soothes your hot skin. A soft thank you slips past your lips as your eyelids flutter shut, and Rosé almost lets herself imagine that you're hers. That she just brought her girlfriend back home and now she's taking care of her. But before she can get too lost in that fantasy, she pulls away, slipping the rag into your hand so that you can use it on yourself now.

"Well, I think my work here is done." She declares, patting your leg lovingly. She moves to stand, and the action prompts you to speak up.

"Wait," you start, grabbing her wrist before she can get away. You meant to tug gently, but you must've misjudged your strength; in an instant, she's close to you again, just a breath away. Her face is right in front of yours, and you can feel her warm breath against your lips.

Her eyes are wide now, and a subtle tremble runs through her. She's never been this close to you, and although she's terrified, she doesn't want to move away. She wants to give in -- to lean forward the tiniest bit and capture your lips -- but she can't. Her breathing becomes labored as she notices your gaze move from her eyes to her lips. Do you like her back? Surely not, you're just drunk...right?

Her pink lips look so kissable right now, the gloss on them shining in the low lamplight. She's close enough that you can smell her fruity shampoo and feel every jagged breath she draws in.

"Y/N--"

That's all it takes to set you into motion. You bring a hand up to her cheek, cupping it sweetly as you press your lips to hers. She sighs at the contact, melting into your embrace, and allows herself to let her walls down. Her lips move against yours slowly, unsure -- this is new for both of you, and you're testing the waters. One of her hands comes up to rest against the back of your neck, and she pulls you impossibly closer.

After she subconsciously bites your lip - the action drawing a groan from you - she snaps back to reality and pulls away. Her lips are red and swollen, and you have to stop yourself from leaning back in. She looks like she wants to do the same, but she centers herself before she can.

"I, uh, I'm gonna go. Goodnight, Y/N." She says breathlessly, swallowing as she runs a hand through her hair. She doesn't give herself anymore time to change her mind, and soon she's rushing out, failing to even give you so much as a second glance.

Shocked, you sit back and let your mind try and piece together what the hell just happened. The kiss worked well in sobering you up, at least for the time being, but you wish it hadn't. Now, you're forced to sit alone with your feelings again, lips still tingling with the memory of hers against them.

----

The Next Morning

*ring ring*

The blare of your ringtone sounds especially loud now, making you wince in pain. Your head is pounding, and that definitely isn't helping. Quickly, you roll over and pick it up, keeping your eyes closed as you press the button and hold it to your ear. "Hello?" You ask groggily, voice still laced with sleep.

"Hey, Y/N. The girls and I are going out later; do you wanna come with?" Jennie's sweet voice asks. You rub your forehead, now opening your eyes and staring at the ceiling as you ponder your options. With a glance at the clock, you see that you've already slept a good portion of the day away.

"I'd love to, but I'm pretty hungover right now Jen." You chuckle despite yourself, grinning when she laughs back.

"Rosie told us you might be dealing with that." Jennie laughs again, but you go quiet. Did she tell them everything that happened, or did she try and forget about it? After all, she basically ran away -- surely she regrets it. You scold yourself for even thinking that someone as out of your league as Rosé could like you back.

"Jisoo whipped up her special 'hangover-reverser' drink for you, as she calls it." She adds, hoping that'll win you over. Lost in your thoughts, you forget to answer her.

Jennie takes your silence the wrong way, saying, "You don't have to come, but we'd love to hang out." She sounds sad at the thought of you staying home, and a feeling of guilt creeps into your mind. Work has kept you from hanging out with all of them recently, and they miss you. You miss them too, and quickly decide that a hangover (and the awkward situation you'll be subjected to when face to face with Rosé) aren't enough of a deal breaker to decline their offer.

"I'll be over in a few. Tell Jisoo to make a couple more for the road… I'll need all the help I can get."

Jennie laughs again, and you pep up at the sweet sound. She celebrates, and you can hear the girls clapping in the background, shouting praise at her for convincing you to come. The two of you say your goodbyes, and you begin getting ready.

-----

"Jisoo, you're a lifesaver." You confess, flopping back onto the couch. The unnie responds with a smug, "I know," from her place in front of the mirror.

You lick the remaining liquid from your lips, and Rose shifts in her seat across the room. She can't get the feeling of your kiss out of her mind, and seeing you do that only makes things worse.

"Here's the second one," Lisa says, smirking as she pats your shoulder and hands you the cup. You smile back at her and smack her butt as a wordless thank you.

"Alright, so where exactly are we going, girls?" You ask as you tuck your feet underneath your body.

"I was thinking we could shop around Hongdae. They changed some stuff since we were there last, and it looks awesome." Jennie informs.

"Sounds good to me." Jisoo replies from the adjacent room, applying the finishing touches to her makeup.

Lisa agrees as well, and so does Rosie. At the sound of her soft voice, you make eye contact with her for the first time today. Ever since you arrived earlier, you've avoided her. She's done much the same, refraining from saying much to you at all. The girls haven't seemed to pick up on the tension yet, but they're observant; surely it won't take them long.

As you replay the fateful events in your mind again, you allow your head to lull back and rest against the cushion of the couch. Last night, Rosé’s eyes were speaking all of the words she could never tell you out loud, sparkling with repressed desire. It wasn't hard to tell that she was nervous, but she kissed you like she had been waiting to for an eternity. So, clearly, your confusion at the whole situation is understandable. Why did she run away?

"Ready?" Jisoo asks, kicking your foot to get your attention.

"As I'll ever be." You state as you stick a hand out to her. She understands immediately, swiftly helping you up. A little groan leaves you, your head spinning from standing up so quickly, so she doesn't move until you get adjusted.

"Thanks," you smile, giving her a sweet kiss on the cheek. Having such good friends always comes in handy, but there's something special to the little moments like these. She hums in response, and the two of you lead the way out to the car.

Rosé watches the whole encounter as she falls in line behind you, wishing she were in Jisoo's place. Last night was a wake up call for her, unexpected in literally every way, and she panicked. Looking back now, she wishes she would've at least explained her behavior to you. The kiss awakened something within her, releasing all of the feelings she's held in for so long. She didn't rush out because she didn't enjoy the kiss; if she had any idea that that's the impression it left on you, she would've ran back in and kissed you a million times over.

Lisa notices Rosie's furrowed brow and downcast eyes, and instantly knows something's up.

Now in the car, she leans in close to ask, "Everything okay?"

"Mhm." Rosie replies, doing her best to sound like her normal self.

The years have made Lisa an expert at reading the slightly older girl, but she doesn't want to push her. If she wants to talk about it, she will.

"Okay…" Lisa trails off, coincidentally making fleeting eye contact with you through the rearview mirror. On any other day, you would've fought Lisa over the seat next to Rosé; but today, of course, is unlike any other. You're in uncharted territory now, and you have no idea when -- or if -- you'll return to normal. For now, you make do with the passenger's seat, keeping yourself busy by looking out the window. Jennie's driving is smooth, and you appreciate that in your altered state. A low pulsing still vibrates through your head every now and then, but it's become much more bearable. Jisoo truly knows what she's doing with that concoction.

----

Hongdae, Seoul -- A Few Hours Later

"Jennie," Lisa huffs out, struggling to carry everything she’s been handed. "How much stuff do you need?!" The maknae does her best to keep the bags from touching the ground, but that task is proving difficult.

"We're almost there!" Jennie says, dismissing the younger girls complaints.

A few minutes later, you're seated at the new restaurant Jennie's spent the night talking about. Seeing the girls so happy today has taken your mind off of your own problems somewhat, but sometimes the issues are unavoidable… like right now.

Though she tries to be discreet about it -- even going so far as to hide behind her menu -- you can feel Rosé's eyes on you. The waiter seated you at a booth, and of course she happened to sit right in front of you. Having her attention has always been something you enjoy, but you're so embarrassed about what happened that you can't help but shy away from it now. If drunkenly confessing your feelings for her wasn't bad enough, you also kissed her. What could be next?

Rosie's dying on the inside a little more with every minute that passes. The past few hours were filled with plenty of fun and stupidity for the lot of you, stopping in just about every store you came across and joking all the while. But the entire time, you and Rosé kept your distance. Occasionally you'd crack a joke to make her laugh or the two of you would share a look, but the air around you was always thick with the emotions you couldn't give voice to. It also doesn't help that part of Rosé is afraid you didn't even really mean to kiss her. If she blames it on your drunkenness, she doesn't have to process her feelings; she can just go back to suffering in silence. When she looks at you, though, she knows there's no denying what you both feel for each other.

"Can I get you started with some drinks?" The waiter approaches again, pen and pad ready to go.

"Do you have sikhye?" You inquire, raising your head to look at him.

"We do."

"Great," you smile, getting an idea. "I'll take one of those and a glass of water, please." He jots down your request before recording the other orders and setting off to get the drinks prepared.

In order to preserve the plan, you don't dare look in Rosé's eyes.

A couple minutes later, he returns with a big tray of drinks; it's a wonder he didn't accidently drop any on the way. Jennie and Jisoo ordered multiple for the table so you could sample them, and you smile at the gesture. They all look tasty, but one in particular catches your attention.

When he hands it to you, you wordlessly slide it over to Rosé. You know she loves it, and you did order it for her, after all. She lets out a little gasp of excitement, and you choose this moment to really look at her. Her eyes are shining again, and you laugh -- if anything is capable of cheering her up, it's something that she can eat or drink.

She beams at you while extending her hand, gently resting it against yours on the table. It's warm and comforting, and you can't help but want to hold it forever. Her fingertips brush against the soft skin of your wrist, and you almost melt at the tenderness of the motion.

Thankfully the other girls aren't paying attention, or else you'd be thoroughly embarrassed. They continue on with their conversation, leaving you and Rosé to get lost in your own world for the next while.

More time passes, in which you place your food orders and the waiter later brings it out to you.

"Enjoy, ladies." He declares before bowing and returning to the host stand.

"It looks so yummy," Rose moans, snatching up her chopsticks before digging in. The other girls agree as well, and soon all of you are eating like there's no tomorrow. The flavors go perfectly together, and you pat yourself on the back for choosing the dish you did.

"Do you wanna try some?" You ask after noticing Rose eyeing your plate. You quirk an eyebrow at her as you wait for her answer, which comes in the form of a sheepish nod.

"That's my girl," you declare with a smile on your face, happy to bring back some of your playful banter. Rosie's heart speeds up at the title, but she tries not to show it too much. Although it's a bit unmannerly, you reach a bite of your food across the table to her and grin when she takes it. Her cheeks puff out in that signature chipmunk pose, and your smile widens.

"Yah, that's delicious." She sighs, closing her eyes to allow her palate to focus on the flavors.

You shake your head at how much of a dork she is for food, but giggle despite yourself. She really is the cutest.

-----

"Good evening, everyone, this is the manager speaking. Our lounge area will open in 10 minutes, and karaoke will begin shortly after!"

Lisa looks at Jennie incredulously, her mouth hanging open. "They have karaoke, too?? How cool is that!"

Jennie smirks, knowing how good she is at choosing places to take you guys. This joint is definitely somewhere that you'll frequent whenever you're around. "I know right?" She asks, satisfied with herself.

In Rosie's eyes, the karaoke announcement was fate working its magic. She's spent the day mulling over everything that's transpired, deciding earlier that all she needed was one more sign. Now that she had that last little push, all she has left to do is gather up all the courage she possesses.

As the 5 of you finish up your meals and wait for it to kick off, she racks her brain for the perfect song to sing. She's going to confess.

---

Fully stuffed and satisfied with the amazing dinner you just had, you all follow the waiter towards the lounge area. Located in the back of the restaurant, it's complete with 1 main, corner stage, and 2 smaller ones off to the side. Plush couches and chairs stretch out in front of the stages, allowing the audience to kick back and enjoy the performances.

A small bar is tucked away in the far corner of the room, stocked with a vast array of different liquors and mixes. Strips of light line the shelves behind the bartender, giving the space its own unique style, and you take some time to admire it all. A few small disco balls hang from the ceiling, placed strategically throughout the room to allow for the most amount of ambience possible. All of the different colors of the rainbow take their turn cycling through the projector, flashing and shining around the room in their random patterns. It's a very welcoming place to be.

You're the first guests in there, so you're free to choose whatever stage you want. "Which one should we go to?" Jisoo asks, doing a little half spin as she looks around the room.

"Really, unnie? You have to ask?" Lisa rolls her eyes and scoffs; she thought her best friend knew her better than that. Obviously Lisa wants to go to the big stage. How else would she show off all of her moves while she sings?

"You're so dramatic." Jisoo grumbles, sending the maknae an annoyed look of her own as she's dragged over to the performance area. You, Jennie, and Rosé trail after them, shaking your heads at their behavior.

----

"Come on, we're going first." You bite back a laugh as you watch Lisa tug Jennie up from her spot on the sofa, where she had just sat down and gotten comfortable. Jennie tries to protest, even pointing at the drink she just got from the bar to convince Lisa to let her stay, but she isn't having it. They walk over to the kiosk built into the wall, and take their time in choosing a song to sing.

Their performance is a wild ride, to say the least. Lisa forgets the words at one point, opting to compensate by freestyling a rap and dancing around wildly while everyone hypes her up. She could've just looked at the lyrics on the stage screen, you realize, but that wouldn't have been even half as fun. Jennie breaks into the box of props sitting just off stage, pulling out a multicolored, frilly scarf and wrapping it around her singing partner. To finish off her own look, she rummages around until she finds a comically large top hat and pair of heart shaped glasses.

"Golden buzzer!" You shout out, pressing an imaginary button on the table. The girls celebrate, and your combined laughter fills the room.

Next up is Jisoo, who decides to put her charm on full display and serenade all of you. She starts off on stage, letting her deep voice lull you into a state of entrancement before she approaches the couch. She greets each of you individually, giving you separate attention just like a rock star would, and all of you go wild for her. She tries to keep up the edgy, heartthrob persona, but it fades a bit when she cracks a smile, her eyes turning into those adorable crescents that you all love so much.

As her song comes to an end, you excuse yourself to the bathroom. In order to go through with your plan -- that is, singing a song to Rosie -- you have to calm your nerves a bit first. You splash water on your face and sigh as the chilly liquid slides down your skin. A bead of it trails down your neck, soaking into the cotton of your collar the second it hits it, and you're reminded of last night. A familiar warmth runs through you at the memory of Rosé's hands on your body, taking care of you like always. She's the definition of girlfriend material, and you always kick yourself for waiting so long to tell her about your feelings.

A basket of paper towels sits on the marble countertop of the sink, and you reach forward to grab one and dry your face. With one final look in the mirror, you throw the paper away and exit the restroom.

Too busy mentally preparing yourself for the performance, you fail to notice that Rosé is already standing on the stage, mic in hand. You lift your head as you near the stage, and she makes eye contact with you; she looks nervous, so you give her a reassuring smile and move back to your seat. Behind the nervousness, you can see how excited she is; you're intrigued.

"So, this song goes out to a very special girl here tonight. I hope you like it." She announces shyly, garnering some applause from the small group of diners that have filtered their way in from the restaurant. She presses play, and shakes her hands out in an attempt to get rid of the anxiety building within her. Up until now, keeping her worries in check had been doable; though as she stands alone on stage, looking down at the object of her affection, she's afraid all over again. And yet, somehow in an instant, you take some of those fears away. You're looking at her with so much love and encouragement in your eyes that Rosé thinks she can accomplish anything.

The song -- one you're hearing for the first time tonight -- picks up, and she begins.

There are three words, & I want you to know they are true

There are three words, that I've been dying to say to you

Burns in my heart, like a fire that ain't goin' out

I need to let you know

You're unintentionally holding in a breath as she croons the words out, singing straight to you. Her soulful vocals ring out across the space, making goosebumps appear on your skin; her voice always strikes a certain chord within you, the beautiful tones sounding like Heaven. She makes it feel like you're the only two people in the room; that even the world stopped for a moment to watch this play out.

I wanna say I love you, I wanna hold you tight

I want your arms around me & I, want your lips on mine

I wanna say I love you, but, babe I'm terrified

My hands are shaking, my heart is racing

Cause it's something I can't hide, it's something I can't deny

So here I go

Baby I lo-o-o-ve you

The smile on your face can't be wiped away by anything; no natural force of the universe could get in the way of this. Your heart swells at her confession as things finally fall into place. Possessed by the love you hold for the goddess in front of you, you decide to be brave and join her on stage.

She squeals and covers her face as you approach, and the audience erupts into cheers at this. They whistle and clap loudly, and you can hear the distinct voices of the girls from behind you. Pulling her hands away, Rosé's adorable face is revealed in all its glory. She has tears in her eyes, and they let you know that the past 48 hours have been just as much of an emotional rollercoaster for her as they have been for you.

You press a kiss to the back of her hand, feeling your chest tighten at the way it lightly shakes against your lips. You take a step closer and wrap your arms around her waist as she hooks her right one around your shoulders. Her left hand holds the mic between you two, making it so that you can sing the next part together.

I've never said, these words to anyone, anyone at all

Never got this close, cause I was always afraid I would fall

But now I know, that I'll fall right in-to your arms

Don't ever let me go

I wanna say I love you, I wanna hold you tight

I want your arms around me & I, want your lips on mine

I wanna say I love you, but, babe I'm terrified

My hands are shaking, my heart is racing

Cause it's something I can't hide, it's something I can't deny

So here I go

Baby I lo-o-o-ve you

The entire time you're singing, she can't take her eyes off of you. She watches as your lips move along with the words, your face scrunching up occasionally to aid in hitting all the notes, and she even forgets to keep singing a couple times. You're so close to her, just like last night. She vows that this time will be different, though.

After you finish the verse, Rosé surges forward, closing what little distance is left between you. During the performance you had gradually migrated closer to one another, so that made her job all the more easy.

She leans into you and smiles at the feeling of your racing heart. It lets her know that this is actually happening -- that after spending so many months waiting to finally confess and have you return her feelings, it's happening.

She tastes the strawberry chapstick on your lips, and it reminds her of the time she told you it's her favorite type. You used to wear a vanilla kind… does that mean you switched to strawberry after she told you that? (Yes, yes it does).

You bring your right hand up to her jaw and cup it as you move to deepen the kiss. A soft groan escapes her lips at this, and she doesn't waste any time in kissing you back even harder than before. It's long-overdue, and she can't get enough of you.

All too quickly, though, Rosie gets lost in the embrace, and the lounge is filled with feedback as the mic drops to the floor. She jumps at the sudden noise before snatching it up, her face crimson with embarrassment. After placing it back on the stand, she turns to hide her face in your neck. You just chuckle as you wrap your arms around her again. She snuggles in close to you, and you rest your head against hers.

"Awwww, they grow up so fast!" Jisoo wails, wiping imaginary tears from her eyes.

"Cough it up, Jendeukie." Lisa smirks, sticking a hand out in front of the other girl. Jennie shoots her a glare, but nonetheless reaches to the table in front of her to grab her purse.

"Not another word, Manoban." Jennie says, shoving the 5 dollar bill into Lisa's waiting palm.

The younger girl clears her throat dramatically before saying loudly, "I TOLD YOU SO! Nobody ever listens to the maknae."

You and Rosé can't contain your laughter anymore, and neither can the girls.

Soon the two of you are back on the couches, cuddling in the corner seat as the others make kissy noises at you.

She's nestled up against your side, resting her head against your chest contently.

"I know we kinda did things out of order and all, but I might as well ask. Will you be my girlfriend?" You smile dorkily as she raises up to look at you, a playful smirk of her own tugging at her lips.

"Absolutely, Y/N." She has stars in her eyes and a dreamy expression on her features as she leans in to kiss you again.

626 notes · View notes

ddosie · 3 years

Note

# 2 and soobin for the prompt please!

you wouldn't say you were the sentimental type.

things came and went. kids grew into adults. that was just how life was. people grew apart, sometimes closer, and it was all expected.

you just never thought you would have to face it yourself.

it was a problem that you had only read about in story books. the handmaiden watches the price she fell in love with get married. she moves on. the king lets go of the memories of his favorite knight. he moves on. the queen loses her son, her only son. she moved on.

they all moved on. so why couldn't you?

"class! class! let's start this school year by introducing ourselves! i'll go first. my name is ms. hilton, and i'm your english teacher for this year! i've worked at this school for a long time now, and i can't wait to teach all of you kids!

okay, now that i've done my introduction, shall we go along the classroom and introduce ourselves? starting from you sir, yes you with the white and black sneakers. please start by telling us your name and a fun fact about yourself."

you watched as the said boy stood up, pushing his hair back with his hand.

"uh... hi everyone, i'm soobin, and one fun fact about me is i went to Europe this year."

as the next person got up to introduce themselves, you found yourself staring at him.

jeez, he was tall for a middle schooler.

the sun is filtering through the blinds in your room, and rays of light are being painted across the walls. everything is a golden color, from the desk to the bedside.

"so... what topic are we choosing for this project?" you watched through the lens of your glasses as soobin furrowed his brow.

"do you think, maybe aristotle?" you nodded your head eagerly, so soobin stood up and walked over to the teachers desk. a second later he sent you a thumbs up.

"aristotle it is."

you twirled your pen in your fingers as soobin took a seat. "hey do you want to work on the project with me over the weekend? i know a really good café...?"

there was a small smile on your face, and you nodded.

"yeah sure, what time?"

you got up from your chair, grabbing a camera. in this lighting, the room was just too pretty to not take a picture of.

"y/n, for someone of that height, there is no reason you should be walking that fast."

you sent a small smile to the long-legged boy trying to catch up with you in the hallway.

"if you don't want to be late to class bin, you're going to have to put those legs to work."

you let soobin catch up with you, and you slowed down your pace from thereon so the two of you could walk side by side. soobin pointed at the trophy shelf.

"do you think we'll win this year too? i hope we do, yeonjun promised a party at his house if we get placed first."

you gave soobin a reassuring pat on his arm.

"you'll be finneee... if you win, i'll take you out to icecream after."

the boy turned to look at you, a smile creeping into his eyes.

"really?"

"really."

fiddling around with the camera, you brushed the light dust that had collected on the top off. you watched as the particles were swept away, dancing in the dying sunlight.

"we should do this every year."

you turned to look at soobin lying next to you, ice-cream sandwhich in one hand, while the other was tucked behind him, supporting his head. he was looking above, admiring the night sky.

"you mean climb some random apartment stairs to get to rooftops? and risk our lives every season game to see a different view of the city at night?"

soobin let out a small laugh. "yeah, well when you put it that way, it does sound bad." you smiled, lying down with your own ice-cream sandwich, propping an arm under your head.

"...i meant the icecream tradition. you'll be there for my next season game, right?"

now it was your turn to admire the night sky.

"of course. i wouldn't miss it for the world"

grabbing a tissue, you went to work at the camera, cleaning dust from all crevices and corners of the lenses. you were surprised. when was the last time you had even taken a photo on this thing?

"hey bin, what's up?"

grabbing your phone and placing it on your desk, you made yourself comfortable, ready for any facetime tea he would spill.

"ah, y/n..." you watched as he ran a hand through his hair from the other side of the screen. "i don't think... i don't think i'll be able to make it to your birthday this year."

there was a quiet silence. you felt like you'd been punched in the gut.

"if i can ask, um, why?" you fiddled with the hem of your hoodie, waiting for an answer.

"the schedules for the basketball game lineups just came out, and the final season game is happening on your birthday. i just wanted to tell you in case we do win that far and i won't be able to come."

you decided to smile at the way soobin had said just in case they win. the two of you were in your sophomore year, and he hadn't lost a game since middle school.

"yeah, don't worry about it soob. we can still get icecream after."

you felt a turn in your stomach when the boy gave you a relived smile, running a hand through his hair again.

"that's all i wanted to say, i've got to go now"

"hm? why?"

"chem tutoring. these freshman are horrible at science."

adjusting the camera, you zoomed in on random objects in your room. the bookshelf. your water bottle. the lamp. click. click. click.

“did you hear? that senior yeonjun will be throwing a bigger party than last year! are you going y/n?”

you shrugged. “when is it?”

“I think it‘ll be this saturday.”

"can’t. I’ll be out of town”

"for what?

“college. I sent an early application, and one of them reached out and wants me to tour the campus. if i go, I’ll have a guaranteed spot next year, and I probably won’t have to apply to any others.”

your friend let out a low whistle and patted your head.

"well when you put it like that, I guess you really can’t go… but maybe we could get something after the game? i heard the ice cream place was still open”

just like that, a mere sentence felt like a silent punch to the gut.

you looked away from your friends face, scanning the cafeteria unknowingly. you were met with the view of a senior tussling soobin's hair, an arm slung across his neck. you could hear their loud conversation even from where you were sitting.

"you coming to my house after the game? me and the guys we're planning to get some icecream and stay over at my house for the night."

you thought you saw something flash in soobins eye's before he smiled, nodding in agreement.

abruptly standing up, you tossed an apology to your friend about how you wouldn't be able to make it and you had just remembered you had some important emails to send. you didn't want to be around when the words of confirmation came out of his mouth itself.

so much for a flash. the last time you had icecream with him was two years ago.

adjusting the lens once more, you caught your eye on a ticket stuck between two books on your desk. you slowly pulled it out. it was blue and grey, your school colors. there was a hole punched on the bottom, indicating it was used.

"and it's the last two minutes of the game, and hybe high is in the lead! if they can make this basket, it will guarantee a regional win for the school. oh! there goes hyunjin... passing to donghyuck who... also just passed to eric who, jeez, passed to soobin...! look at that! look at that!! we are in the last minute everyone, and if captain of hybe high makes this basket, like i said they will be the regional winners!!"

you let the sound of the announcer wash over you, leaning forward in your seat to watch the game.

for some reason you kept coming back. to this gym. to the basketball games.

to soobin.

it had been over a year since the two of you had really talked, the last icecream run being well over three years ago (a promise to go before your birthday was conveniently broken), and the last facetime was to ask for calculus answers.

you knew that you had faded out of the life of the star basketball player.

you just couldn't accept it.

"and soobin gets closer to the rim... oh! it looks like taehyun from bighit acadmy is a pretty good blocker... anyways look at him go! we have twenty second left, and even if he doesn't score hybe is still in for a win... okay, okAY?? WAIT WHAT!! WHAT!!"

there's a loud screech of the intercom that mixes with the cheers of the crowd. you found yourself on your feet, fists pumping in the air in celebration alongside the students in the bleachers despite yourself.

"AND CHOI SOOBIN SECURES THE PLACE OF HYBE HIGH IN DISTRICT REGIONALS!! ONCE AGAIN THE ACE HAS TOPPED EVERYONE AND BRANG HIS TEAM TO VICTORY!!"

you held the ticket tenderly. on the backside was stamped senior, a marker that counted as a discount for the upperclassmen that wanted to watch the game. flipping it over again, you felt a wave of something hit your stomach as you took in the grey and blue.

"hey y/n, wait up!"

you whipped around at the sound of an all too familiar voice.

there, stood soobin, in all his six foot and one inch glory.

"you.." he panted, hands on his knees as if he had run a million miles. "you walk too fast. what's the rush? you were cheering for me so loudly."

there was that feeling again. of being punched in the gut. by that invisible hand that seemed to favor your stomach whenever soobin was around.

"ah, you know... just getting home."

you tried not to stare too long. soobin had grown, matured. the baby face he donned as a middle schooler was gone, only his dimples a reminder of the childhood smiles you shared together.

"you're not... going anywhere? going straight home?"

you gave him a small smile. "...yeah. i'm going soon, so i really need to pack. good game though! you really did good this time around."

"going soon... to where y/n? are you taking a road trip without me?" you sensed a wary tone under his teasing words. three years apart, and this was the news you would have to tell him. curse the fates.

"yup! im, ah... moving cross country. i got accepted a while back."

you could already see the question in his eyes. how far? which major? on campus or near?

why didn't you tell me?

there was a moment of silence while you rocked back and forth on your heels. soobin pushed his hair back, looking into your eyes.

the heaviness of a thousand unanswered questions weighed in the air.

"so... want to catch up over icecream?"

as you held the basketball ticket from senior year, you realized three things.

one: you were the sentimental type. you clung onto old memories and good times like they were life jackets, keeping you afloat in the mundanity of your new life.

two: you didn't really like the idea of always moving on. it seemed so easy in the story books, that after a couple years the queen goes back to her ordinary life, the king appoints a new knight, and the princess finds someone she truly loved. but was there a time where you would just stop caring? was there a day you would wake up and didn’t think about what could have happened, the if only’s and what if’s?

three: you couldn't move on. you prided yourself on being able to move faster, walking a pace before everyone else. life was a journey, and you were going places. quite literally. you were floating when everyone was sinking.

but you were only floating because you had your life jacket.

...

things came and went. kids grew into adults. that was just how life was. people grew apart, sometimes closer, and it was all expected.

you clutched the ticket in your hand, the end slightly wrinkled by your fingers.

you just never thought you would have to face it yourself.

#sorry for the angst anon 😬#this was maybe quite possibly perhaps influenced by real events #txt #txt x reader #txt angst #txt imagines #txt scenarios #txt soobin #soobin #soobin drabbles #soobin imagines #soobin scenarios #soobin au #soobin angst #soobin x reader #choi soobin #soobin choi

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sankyeom · 4 years

Text

splash! | l.jy

pairings: lee juyeon x reader genre: lifeguard!juyeon, summer love, strangers to lovers summary: in which you fall in love with the lifeguard at the hotel pool during your summer vacation and don’t want to have to say goodbye word count: 5.1k warnings: i said bullshit like once i think requested: nope, this is the result of me having a daydream about lifeguard juyeon and missing my home in santa cruz a lot bc i’m overseas right now note: i should have called this water after the boyz’ song, but i already made the banner say splash and i was too lazy to change it. also i was picturing ddd era juyeon for this fic so keep that in mind if you want 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝

The salty air blowing in the breeze wasn’t a familiar scent, but you welcomed it as you draped yourself across the beach lounge chair by the hotel pool. You couldn’t have been more thankful for your best friend who surprised you with a beach-side vacation for the summer. Your third year of University had been difficult to say the least, and after your friend had seen you buried in books and notes, they decided enough was enough.

“Didn’t I say this was a good idea?” your best friend asked, shielding their face with a broad-brimmed sun hat. The two of you had opted to lounge by the pool for the day instead of hitting the beach, mostly because your friend wasn’t particularly fond of the ocean.

“Yes,” you hummed in agreement. “Didn’t I already acknowledge that you’re a genius?” you retorted, turning on your side to face your best friend. They made a vaguely dismissive motion with their hand, eliciting a laugh from you as you decided what book to read while you soaked up some sun.

A shout interrupted your thoughts. “Hey!” the call came from the lifeguard up on the tall wooden chair that designated his position. Your eyes followed the sound, intrigued by the sudden call. The man in question was tall, slender, and broad-shouldered, with light brown hair and honey blond highlights. He was speaking into a megaphone and seemed to be targeting a group of teenage boys. “They’re not interested. Stop bothering them and go along with your day,” you noticed the group of boys in question seemed to be lingering near some teenage girls. They scowled at the lifeguard, faces clearly displaying their embarrassment at being called out. It seemed as though they wanted to reply, perhaps say something snooty about them being guests there, but the lifeguard wouldn’t have it. “Don’t make me go down there. I will go down there,” he warned.

You cracked a smile as the group of boys mumbled to one another before stalking off with glares on their faces. “Well that was nice of him,” your friend had peeked out from under their sunhat long enough to witness the encounter. “He’s pretty cute,” they observed.

Pretty cute was an understatement.

As far as bodies went, his was clearly well maintained and rather impressive, but his face was what had caught your attention initially. He had clear, sharp eyes and a small, slender nose. His dyed hair made him appear to almost glow in the summer sun, skin tanned from being outside all day long. When you glanced down to observe his face, you realised you had been glancing at the stranger’s lips for far longer than socially acceptable and decided to just look away.

“I saw that,” your friend pointed out. “You think he’s more than just pretty cute, huh?” they teased you, wiggling their eyebrows as best as they could to further taunt you.

“No, don’t be ridiculous,” you lied, risking another look back at the lifeguard.

You hadn’t realised it, but the fairly close proximity to the lifeguard’s chair gave Juyeon both a clear view of you and your friend as well as the ability to hear your chatter. Having noticed you earlier as well, Juyeon could feel his ears burning with embarrassment as the two of you locked eyes. When you and your friend arrived, you had caught his attention because the two of you looked like you were very close and having a lot of fun. His summer job thus far had been anything but fun, and the way you looked when you laughed was simply radiant.

Noticing the tension in the area, your friend beamed. “Do you need me to work my magic?” they wondered, taking their hat off and giving you their full attention.

“You don’t have any magic,” you hissed back, breaking eye contact with the cute lifeguard to hush your friend. “And don’t be so loud, he’s not that far away,” you added in a whisper.

“Oh honey,” your friend sighed. “You need all the help you can get. Leave this to me,” they winked, taking off their cover up as you began to protest.

“No, stop that,” you whisper-yelled. “What are you doing, why are you-“ you cut yourself off as your friend not-so-elegantly dove into the pool. You exhaled loudly, looking up at the sky and hoping to any god that existed that your friend wasn’t going to embarrass you.

When your friend started swimming and going nowhere near the lifeguard, you decided you could calm down and not worry about their actions anymore. That was until your friend started shouting and flailing about in the pool, calling out for the lifeguard to help them as they struggled in the water. You furrowed your brows together. They were a perfect swimmer, there was no way they could really be drowning in a pool shallow enough for them to stand.

Without waiting, the lifeguard gracefully dove into the pool and paddled towards your best friend. “I’ve got you, you’re okay,” he told your friend, pulling them towards the edge of the pool. Still, your friend made a big show out of panicking and clinging onto him as he lifted them out of the water.

“Please,” you friend said between exaggerated coughs. “Get my friend,” they pleaded.

You groaned. This had been their plan all along.

With quick steps, you made your way towards the pair. “Are you okay?” you asked your friend, narrowing your eyes at them in warning. Translation: you’re so dead when we’re alone.

Their eyes widened as they nodded. “I had a leg cramp,” they explained innocently, stretching out their right leg and wincing. “Oh look, all better!” with that they jumped up happily and walked back to your lounge chairs.

Your jaw dropped in surprise at their actions as they left you and the lifeguard to kneel on the floor alone. His eyes drifted back to meet yours and he coughed, reaching up to rub the back of his neck with flushed cheeks. The way your eyes peered curiously at him made him want to squeal like an excited child, but Juyeon managed to restrain himself. “Um, I hope they’re okay,” he said awkwardly instead.

“I’m sure they’ll be fine,” you assured him, feeling your face warm up. “Um, I’m really sorry about them,” you tried to apologise for your friend’s obvious, and terrible, acting.

The handsome lifeguard blinked innocently at you. “Oh, it’s fine. Leg cramps are really common and I wouldn’t want anyone getting hurt under my watch,” then he smiled in a way that made your insides melt, and you had to remind yourself to breathe.

He was the definition of breathtaking, and he seemed innocent and sweet enough to believe that your friend had really been in peril, which made him all the more cute. “I’m Juyeon,” he introduced himself, going to hold out his hand for you to shake before realising it was wet, and lowering it.

“I’m Y/n,” you replied, a laugh naturally escaping you without even trying. He was too sweet.

By the time you made your way back to your friend, they were already grinning at you with a knowing look on their face. “And you said I don’t have any magic,” they scoffed. “I wrote the book on magic, okay?”

“That was embarrassing as hell,” you said instead of agreeing with them. “Never do that again.”

Your friend ignored you. “What’s his name?” they asked.

You paused, getting comfortable on the lounge chair before facing them. “Juyeon,” you answered, and that was just as good as admitting their absurd plan had worked for your friend.

The bonfire was almost twice your own height by the time you arrived at the beach. Your friend had caught wind of the midnight bonfire from one of the waiters at the breakfast bar that morning, and had begged you to go almost all day long. After not seeing Juyeon at the pool all day, you were in the mood to get out of your head and eventually agreed to go.

You felt stupid looking for the lifeguard after only meeting him once, but there was something about him that made you want to get to know him better. Good looks aside, he was sweet and innocent and he had made your vacation a little more interesting by being your summer crush.

The night was slightly chilly, making you relieved that you had thought ahead and worn a cardigan so that you wouldn’t be cold. “Let’s get closer,” your friend suggested before dragging you to stand right by the fire pit. “Oh! It’s you,” their cheeky tone warned you of the fact that they had bumped into Juyeon before you even saw him. He looked comfortable in a short sleeve button up and jeans, and the fire illuminated his honey skin to make him appear as though he was truly glowing. “You saved my life,” your friend told him.

He laughed a low chuckle. “Ah, it’s just my job,” he waved it off with a small shrug. Then, his eyes met yours. “It’s good to see you again, Y/n,” Juyeon greeted.

The fact that he remembered your name shouldn’t have been such a big deal, but it definitely felt like a sign to you. You smiled. “You too,” you assured him. “What brings you here?”

“My friends Kevin and Jacob organised the bonfire,” Juyeon explained, pointing them out nearby. “I figured I might as well do something other than work all summer long,” he added with a bashful smile.

“Great idea,” your friend chimed. “I’m going to get some drinks, Y/n?” they offered but you waved them off, uninterested. Music started playing softly through a bluetooth speaker, and for a moment you were nervous that Juyeon would ask you to dance. You weren’t so confident in your ability to remember to breathe around him, nonetheless actually dance in an appealing way.

Almost as if he sensed your nerves, Juyeon held out his hand to you. “Want to see something cool?” he offered, titling his head slightly at you. Shrugging, you took his hand and let him lead you away from the bonfire and to a darker part of the beach.

“This is super suspicious, just so you know,” you informed him in a teasing tone. You weren’t actually nervous to be alone with Juyeon, there was something soothing about his presence that made you feel at ease.

Juyeon laughed. “Don’t you trust me?” he teased you right back.

“Well,” you hummed. “All I know about you is that you’re a lifeguard, your name is Juyeon, and that your friends are all back at the bonfire along with mine.”

“All the more reason to follow me,” he grinned, coming to a stop further down the beach. “Now,” Juyeon said, gently taking you by the shoulders to stand in front of him. “Look at this,” he pointed up, and you followed his finger until you saw a small cluster of golden lights leisurely twirling through the air.

Realisation struck you and you gasped audibly. “Oh my god,” you exclaimed. “Are those fireflies?”

Said fireflies were floating about the sky, some above you and some lower at the water, exploring their surroundings. “You ever seen those before?” you shook your head at Juyeon’s question. “They usually like to be in marshy, forest areas. But the other night I saw them close to here, exploring the shore.”

“This is incredible,” you admitted, eyes following the small glowing insects as they soar. “What makes them glow?” you asked, feeling Juyeon’s chest against your back as he inched closer.

“Isn’t it obvious? It’s the same reason you and I are here right now,” you turn your head to look at Juyeon, curious. He was already smiling, as if he knew something that you didn’t. “Chemistry,” he whispered, making you laugh.

“That was cheesy.”

��Maybe so, but it’s true, isn’t it?”

You nod. “I suppose so,” you manage to agree.

Juyeon smiles. “Do you think I could kiss you?”

“I definitely think you should.”

When he kissed you, your eyes closed and you saw little dots of gold on the inside of your eyelids, perfectly mimicking the glow of the fireflies surrounding the both of you.

After your kiss with Juyeon, he seemed to be appearing everywhere you looked. At the pool when he was on duty, at the bar you and your friend were snacking at during his breaks, the beach during the sunset, and the dining hall for dinner. Your friend was pleased that you were finding something – or rather, someone – to entertain and soothe you after the difficult year you had at University.

Before you exited the pool for the day, Juyeon leaned down to whisper in your ear: “Meet me at the gate at midnight,” without any further explanation. Excited to spend more time with him, you easily nodded in agreement and left to tell your friend about your evening plans.

When the time came, you made your way down to the pool’s gate to meet Juyeon, finding it locked since the pool closed before sundown. As Juyeon approached you in a pair of board shorts and a t-shirt, waving a key in the air with an excited glint in his eyes, you quickly figured out what his plans for your night were. “Are you up for a midnight swim?” Juyeon wondered, greeting you with a hug. The small act of affection made an unavoidable and automatic smile appear on your lips.

“I’m up for anything,” you replied, winding your arms around his waist and leaning back enough to smile at Juyeon. “As long as you don’t get into trouble for it?” you added, eyeing the thick metal lock on the pool gates.

“I won’t get in trouble if we don’t get caught,” he retorted with a small wink, lifting his hand to gently stroke your cheek with his thumb. This was something you liked a lot about being with Juyeon: everything always felt easy and relaxed. “I’ve never gone for a midnight dip before, and I figure a lit-up pool is safer than the ocean.”

“Ah yes,” you laughed. “Safety first. How could I forget that I’m amidst Lee Juyeon, lifeguard extraordinaire.”

Juyeon burst out laughing at your words, eyes crinkling with his widened grin. He gave a shy smile when he was done, opening the gate to the pool for you and allowing you to enter first. Slightly excited at the idea of sneaking around with Juyeon, you made your way towards the pool, closely followed by Juyeon.

As you and Juyeon started undressing down to your bathing suits, you eyed the empty lifeguard chair that he usually occupied. “You’re pretty distracting up there on your little chair, you know?” you admitted, tucking your hair behind your ears.

“Me?” Juyeon exclaimed, pausing while attempting to take off his t-shirt. “I’m the one that has to work and pretend that I’m not sneaking glances at you every minute because you’re so captivating,” he argued, shaking his head in disbelief.

You snuck a quick look at his torso, half exposed from where he was paused. “You’re clueless,” you accused with a sigh, not understanding how Juyeon couldn’t understand how attractive he was. “Now hurry up, I want to swim,” you added with a slight whine.

At your encouragement, the two of you had soon made your way into the lukewarm water of the pool, gently splashing each other in a playful manner. Rather than swimming laps or diving in the water, you and Juyeon decided to stand in the water next to each other and see how the water trickled from your hands to his, underneath yours.

Although the silence wasn’t uncomfortable, you still wished to know more about the boy in front of you. “What’s your biggest fear?” you wondered, watching how little droplets of water sliding down the side of your palm fell into Juyeon’s larger palm.

Each time your fingertips brushed against his palm, tingles shot from the very tips of your fingers down to your toes. Warmth spread throughout your body. You always felt warm when you were with Juyeon.

Juyeon made a quiet sound akin to a chuckle, but thought about his answer. “Heartbreak,” he told you. You paused playing with the water to observe his expression. Usually, his eyes smiled whenever you looked at him. Now, his eyes seemed to be lost in something else.

“Funny,” you said. “That’s mine, too.”

The realisation that whatever the two of you were doing – be it dating casually or just having an exciting summer fling – might end in both of your biggest fear put a temporary stop to the careless relaxation you had been experiencing up until that point.

“I guess we just won’t break each other’s hearts,” Juyeon said it so simply that you believed him.

Believed that you could have nothing but a small, summer fling with Juyeon. That maybe you wouldn’t fall for the kind-eyed man in front of you, and that your summer wouldn’t end in heartbreak.

So you smiled back at him and agreed.

Silently, you and Juyeon agreed to keep things fun and casual that summer. You had in depth conversations about your hopes and dreams for your futures; the lives you intended to live after your education was over. However, you never told one another things about your everyday lives that could make you get attached to one another. You didn’t speak about where you lived, your daily schedule, or what you looked for in a partner.

Lying beside Juyeon, your thighs brushing his and hands intertwined on his chest, felt comfortable; familiar. The night was still fairly warm out despite it being well past midnight, and the two of you had decided to lie down by the beach and admire the night sky.

The stars were so bright that evening, glowing and shimmering as if they had come out just so you could admire them. The glow they released felt like little fireflies hung up in the sky, as though you could reach out and touch them.

“I don’t know,” you answered Juyeon’s question about what you wanted to do as a career. Your tone caused Juyeon to turn his head to face you. His hair was still damp, and it fell flat against his forehead in a short fringe. You angled your body to face his, raising your hand to run your fingers through his hair. The intimate action didn’t seem to bother Juyeon, and you tried to ignore the way it made your stomach swirl. “I’m always scared to think about it. I just finished my third year of Uni, and I still have no idea what I want to do.”

“You have all the options in the world open to you,” Juyeon rephrased your troubles lightly. “All you have to do is reach out and take them.” he paused, closing his eyes to relish in the feeling of your hands in his hair. “I know what I want to do.”

“Yeah?” you asked, tightening Juyeon’s zip-up hoodie around your frame as the breeze blew stronger; the sound of waves crashing against the shore music to your ears. “What’s that?”

“I want to be a dancer,” Juyeon said. “I want to perform for others and tell a story. I want to sweat and bleed and hurt for it. Because I want to be perfect,” he chuckled. “I guess that’s my fatal flaw. Perfectionism.”

“Perfectionism is hardly fatal,” you disagreed. “Then go out there. Hurt and bleed and do it.”

“I wish it were that easy,” Juyeon muttered, pulling you gently against him. The moderate rhythm of his heart beat tenderly against your ear. “I just don’t know how to tell my parents. They still think I’m majoring in Economics. Guess I have one more year to tell them,” somehow, his statement managed to make the both of you laugh.

You mentally noted that you were in the same year of University, something personal that the both of you had agreed not to talk about. It would be foolish to get your hopes up about Juyeon wanting something serious with you; you forced yourself to let go of the idea altogether.

After all, you were scared of heartbreak too.

“Why is it so easy to talk to you?” Juyeon marvelled. “When I’m with my friends, I always feel like I never have a clue about anything. They’re always faster, wittier, and smarter than me. But with you, I feel like I can take my time.”

Your breath hitched in your throat as you pondered on how to respond. Not only had Juyeon captured exactly how you felt around him, but he had made a statement so personal that you couldn’t ignore it.

“You can take your time,” you decided to say. “We have all summer long.”

As the summer was coming to an end, you were already dreading having to say goodbye to Juyeon. He introduced you to his friends throughout the summer, too. Jacob and Kevin from the bonfire, and Hyunjae the bartender from the hotel bar. You understood what Juyeon meant about feeling slow; his friends were balls of energy and quick-wit. You had spent every night with him, walking the beach, exploring the island, and forgetting any of your troubles. The next day, you would always bring your friend to the places you had adventured through the night before; recounting your escapades with Juyeon and admiring how different things looked in the light.

“You really like this guy,” your friend realised immediately. “And not just in a hot lifeguard way.”

You smiled sadly. “Yeah,” you admitted. “I don’t want to say goodbye to him.” The view of the beach during the day with the sun shining wasn’t the same as the way the beach appeared at night. You almost wanted it to be dark every time you went to the ocean.

Your friend smiled. “Maybe you don’t have to? Long distance relationships can work out, too.”

“He doesn’t want to be in a relationship,” you denied.

With a small shake of their head, your friend asked “How do you know that?”

“Because he’s afraid of heartbreak,” you looked out into the sea, observing the families and couples playing in the water together and laughing.

“I’ve heard that before,” your friend recalled all the times you used that as an excuse during the semester. “You know, I love heartbreak.” With wide eyes, you faced your friend to listen to their reasoning. “If I get heartbroken, at least it means I felt something.”

“Well, yes,” you allowed. “But why would you want to put yourself and your feelings out in the world, only to have them broken and exploited?”

“Who cares?” your friend said. “Who cares if my feelings get broken and exploited? How am I ever going to feel anything – love, happiness, admiration – if I’m so scared of being hurt that I never let myself feel it to begin with?”

You knew your friend was right. The more you got to know Juyeon, the more you knew that no matter how hard you tried, it was impossible to prevent yourself from feeling an emotion you truly felt.

“I know that,” you confessed in a mumble. “That doesn’t mean that he feels the same.”

“Maybe you should try asking him?” your friend proposed. “Maybe he’ll surprise you. And maybe you should do it today, before we have to leave this afternoon,” they added, patting you gently on the shoulder and giving you their best encouraging smile.

You had already told Juyeon that you were leaving that day. He had mentioned that he had a shift at the pool in the early afternoon, but he promised that he would get away and say his goodbyes to you.

Perhaps you were holding on to his promise a little too tightly. That was why you felt so destroyed when Juyeon never showed, and you had to get the taxi on the way to the airport so you wouldn’t miss your flight.

“Are you okay?” your friend asked, sympathetic to your feelings.

“I’m okay,” you said. “Maybe I shouldn’t be so scared of being heartbroken. It seems like I have no control over that, anyway.”

When autumn came, you welcomed the cold.

The cold meant that you no longer had to think about Juyeon. Autumn in Seoul meant the leaves falling in magnificent shades of burnt orange and yellow, and it also meant going back to University for your final year of your degree. When school started again, you were thankful for the distraction. The more specialised and specific your classes became, the better idea you got of what you wanted to do with your degree in the future.

Coming out of a counselling session with your career counsellor, you felt confident with the options the two of you had come up with for careers to look in to. “I’ll be at the café soon,” you told your friend over the phone, almost rolling your eyes at their excitement over it being Friday. “Yes I promise. No more than ten minutes. Yes, I swear.”

As you hung up the phone, you hardly noticed someone in a black coat walking by you. “I’m so sorry!” the man exclaimed, picking up your dropped phone and handing it over to you. “I hope nothing happened to it,” he said.

You examined your phone, discovering that the screen wasn’t cracked and seemed to be functioning just find. “Don’t even worry about it,” you assured the man, glancing up at his bespectacled face. You paused. “I’m sorry, are you Jacob?” you asked him, vaguely recognising his face.

The man chuckled. “Kevin, actually,” he corrected. “It’s Y/n, right?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry,” you said. “I’m not so great with names. Not that I was really trying to remember this summer, anyway,” you added awkwardly.

Kevin hummed. “Do you go to school here?”

“I do,” you nodded.

“Me too,” Kevin smiled.

Your eyes widened. “You go to school with Juyeon, though,” you recalled. “That means…”

“He goes here too,” Kevin finished for you. He studied your expression. “You should really talk to him. I think that a few things got mixed up between you guys and I’d hate for you to keep thinking poorly of my friend.”

Talking to Juyeon again just when you were getting over thinking of him didn’t seem like the wisest idea to you. And yet, “Okay,” you agreed. “I’ll meet him.”

It seemed almost too ironic that Juyeon was waiting for Kevin in the same café your friend was waiting in. When you saw the two sitting together, you realised why your friend was so desperate to get you to the café quickly. Sneaky.

“Hey,” you greeted Juyeon, taking a seat opposite him as your friend and Kevin gave you some privacy.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t meet you,” Juyeon apologised. “I know this sounds ridiculous but I got fired for breaking into the pool at night.”

You hadn’t been expecting that. “What?”

“The manager saw that someone had been breaking into the pool after hours. It seemed that he hadn’t gotten the keys on the nights where I locked up, so he pretty quickly figured out who it was,” Juyeon was sheepish to admit. “They escorted me out of the hotel so I couldn’t stay to talk to you.”

“Why didn’t you call?” you wondered.

Juyeon smirked. “It’s not like we exchanged numbers,” he argued.

“That stupid not falling in love and not getting heartbroken bullshit,” you sighed.

Juyeon rose an eyebrow. “You think it’s bullshit too?” he asked. “Glad to hear it. I was getting pretty sick of it by the end of the summer too.”

“Tell me about it,” you grinned. “So, we go to the same University,” you stated the obvious.

“Looks like it,” Juyeon grinned back at you. “I don’t know. It almost seems like it’s fate or something.”

You snorted. “Fate? Three months ago you refused to fall in love, and now you believe in fate?”

“People change,” Juyeon defended himself. “Especially when they meet someone worth changing for.”

You rose an eyebrow in surprise. “Oh really?”

Juyeon leaned forward. “Go on a date with me,” he requested. You merely smiled disbelievingly at him. “Seriously,” Juyeon insisted, eyes slightly narrowed with focus. “I’ve had three months to get to know you and I’ve been missing you for two more. I don’t want to wait anymore.”

Your stomach fluttered with butterflies. You didn’t have to think about your answer for even one second. You were already head over heels for him. “And if we get heartbroken?” you asked quietly.

Juyeon cocked his head to the side, his familiar eye-smile appearing as he realised you felt the same as him. “Then at least I know that I loved you.”

note: this took me so long to write i’ve been working on it for a whole month. i hope you enjoyed it!!

updated note: guys i wrote this fic a year before thrill ride came out i basically predicted the future lmaooo

#the boyz #juyeon #tbz #lee juyeon #the boyz imagines #the boyz scenarios #the boyz timestamp #the boyz x reader #juyeon x reader #juyeon imagines #juyeon imagine #the boyz imagine #the boyz fanfic #the boyz fic #the boyz fluff #deobiwritersnet #fic: splash!

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simpsiren · 3 years

Text

jaehyun x reader

description. A relationship with Jaehyun wasn’t always perfect. There wasn’t a definite label on it, which only sent the relationship down a complicated pathway as we tried to find the meaning of our love once again.

genre. ANGST, college!au, enemies(?) to lovers, dancer!reader x barista!jaehyun

word count. 7k~

warnings. toxic relationship, im so sorry i had to make jaehyun a bad boy here BUT IT HAS A GOOD ENDING I SWEAR

a/n. hihiii so this fic is basically based on using lyrics of a song to form a story and for mine ill be using boyfriend by ariana grande so hope youll enjoyy! please check out the other stories by the other authors here too!!

“I don't wanna be too much

But I don't wanna miss your touch

And you don't seem to give a fuck”

It’s been weeks. Weeks since I’ve talked to Jaehyun. Weeks since I’ve made any form of interaction with him. Weeks since I had his body close to mine.

He’s been ignoring me and yet I still can never guess why. I saw him walking out of his Psychology class today. I put my foot down, determined to settle on the decision that I just have to force it out of him instead of floating around mindlessly trying to dissect and figure out his weird attitude.

He walked down the hallway, bag lazily hung on one shoulder. He wore his black hoodie and grey sweatpants. His messy and unkept hair bouncing in the air with each step he took. It meant that he’s had a bad morning. I knew him long enough to know that if he doesn’t put effort into looking good then it meant that he wasn’t having any of it. I did think twice before approaching him. But he has left me in the dust for too long for me to handle.

“Jaehyun.” I said with a firm voice, running up to him and grabbing his arm tightly. He stopped in his tracks, his head turning slowly as his eyes trailed from my grip and to me. “What?” Jaehyun asked, sounding annoyed with his brows furrowed and narrowed eyes.

“What? That’s all you have to say?” I jerked my head forward, copying his same expression except that mine was intensified with how arrogant is What sounded. “Three fucking weeks. And that’s all you have to say?”

Jaehyun shook his arm to get off of my grip. Due to the force of his strength, I stumbled back slightly. He folded his arms, hands hugging his waist as he glanced down with a sigh and looked at me. “What do you want me to say?”

I scoffed loudly, running a hand filled with frustration through my hair. I adjusted my tote bag on my shoulder before standing firm and upright in my spot.

“An explanation on why the fuck you’re ignoring me would be nice, you know.” Jaehyun smacked his lips, almost in an awkward manner. But he kept silent for at least ten seconds, just staring down at me.

“I have nothing to explain.” Jaehyun finally let out dryly. But in a way it sounded like he was mad. My pupils flared. Rage was starting to build up in me while he kept up his nonchalant attitude. Jaehyun shoved his hands in his sweatpants and walked off. I would have stopped him, but I chose not to.

I didn’t want to annoy too much if I asked him again. All I wanted was to know why he kept ignoring me all this time. But it seemed like he didn’t care. Like he was able to erase me cleanly out of his life, ignoring me completely. He avoided my glances in class, he acted as if he didn’t hear anything when I called out to him and he’d walk past me casually as if nothing between us happened.

I stood there, staring at his back as his figure started to get smaller and further till he turned a corner and disappeared. I balled a fist in my hand, squeezing it so tight that my fingernails made an impression on my skin and having red marks on my palm.

To be honest, as much as I was mad at him, I missed him a whole lot more. I missed having his arms around me, I missed his whispers, I missed my fingers running through his soft locks. I missed his touch. I didn’t know I could be this touch-deprived till he ignored me. I walked back to my dorm, specifically Mark’s so that I could let off some steam.

“Wait like actually?” Mark shouted from the kitchen while he took out the large tub of strawberry ice cream and watermelon slices from the fridge.

I screamed into the pillow more, digging my face into it till I finally lifted my head up and took in a deep breath, turning my head sharply to Mark. “Yeah. Can you believe it?!” I shouted back, watching Mark bringing the desserts and taking a seat next to me. I shoved the pillow beside me and slumped into the couch with folded arms.

“I never thought he’d do something like that. He’s always been kind to me. And everyone.” Mark commented, picking up and watermelon slice and munching on it with a dreamy sigh. I huffed, grabbing the ice cream angrily and picking up the spoon, shoving it in forcefully to take a spoonful and eating it. “Not to me apparently.” I said with rolled eyes.

“We were completely fine before. I don’t know what happened and that’s what’s driving me insane!” I groaned out. After forcing Mark to get me ice cream, I thought my anger would subside at least a tiny bit. But having Jaehyun running circles in my mind has done it for me. Isn’t mind Jaehyun suppose to be the tired one here?

“Ah wait!” I alerted Mark, gaping my mouth open as I quickly turned my head to him. Mark does the same with raised brows. “Huh what? You know why he’s ignoring you?” Mark tilted his head and leaned in with curiosity.

I shook my head furiously, making Mark backed his head till his double chin showed. “Then what?”

“The dance assignment! Shit I forgot! Did you start?” I dropped the tub in my lap amd slapped Mark’s thigh vigorously, starting to get panicky as I remembered the assignment I’m suppose to pass up in a month’s time. Mark gave a half-shrug. “I’m doing solo for this one. Have you not started?”

“No! Urgh I can’t do solos. Is there anyone that wants a duet?” Mark puckered his lips, tilting his head up as he thought about it for a moment. “How about Taeyong?” He suggested. I looked at him with disbelief.

“Um hello? It’s Lee Taeyong. I’m pretty sure he’s doing solo. Even if he were to do a duet, all the girls would be fighting for the spot next to him.” I reached forward to pick up a watermelon slice and shoving it in my mouth despite the fact that I still had a little ice cream in my mouth.

“You never know. Just ask him next practice.” I let out a quiet ‘tsk’ I stared down at the table while I slowly chewed and swallowed all the food in my mouth. At least now I had something to do that can hopefully get my mind off Jaehyun.

“And I might not be the one for you

But you ain't about to have no boo.”

During dance theory in the lecture hall, I kept my eyes on Taeyong, who was sitting in the center a few rows lower than me. I rested my chin on the palm of my hand, head facing him and I pondered about how I can master up the courage to talk to him.

He’s the best dancer among all dance majors. From techniques to theory, he’s gotten perfect scores every time. It felt somewhat wrong for me to talk to someone of a high status like that. And of course his talent and visuals has had girls swooning over him for years.

I snapped back to reality when I reallse everyone started to pack and stand up from their seat. I blinked my eyes rapidly as I looked around before turning back to Taeyong, heaving a sigh as I notice him still standing there. I quickly packed up my things, slinging my tote bag on and rushing down the flight of stairs to where Taeyong was.

I was now standing in front of him, his bright red hair standing out while he kept his eyes on his things while packing up. “Taeyong?” I called out softly, bending forward. He finally lifted his head up. “Hi?” He asked, questionably.

“Um I was wondering what you’re planning to do for the assignment.” Taeyong glanced sideways before meeting my eyes. As I stared at him, I really now could see why all girls fall in love with him. I’ve never seem to notice since I’ve always been caught up with Jaehyun.

“Actually I’m-”

“It’s fine if you have another person to do duet with you. I’m sure you’ve got a lot of options and that’s totally fine I understand-”

“I didn’t even finish my sentence.” Taeyong cut me off with a light chuckle, a small smile forming on his face. He was so attractive. “Oh right sorry.” I blurted out, turning my head to the side and rubbing the back of my neck nervously.

“I was saying that I haven’t thought about what I wanted to do yet.” Taeyong stood up, holding his bag in his fingers with the handle. He was so close to me and I got extremely terrified with his height. Though the gap difference wasn’t much. I guess I’m just intimidated by his presence. “Mark recommended that we should team up.” I finally let out, forcing myself to not beat around the bush anymore to get this done and over with.

Taeyong’s smile got a whole lot brighter and bigger till his eyes form a thin line. “Sure! Been doing solos too much and you’re quite good.” I couldn’t believe what I just heard. Firstly, he said yes. Secondly, he noticed me dance before? I mean of course we saw everyone dancing but I never imagined Taeyong to actually look at me dances.

“Wait really?! Oh my God thank you! Um so do you have any classes after this?” I bounced on the ball of my feet excitedly, a smile unconsciously forming on my lips. Taeyong shook his head. “You want to start today?” I nodded my head eagerly.

“Alright. Let’s head to the dance studio. We only have one month left.”

Due to the limited time we had, it forced Taeyong and I to have dance practices almost everyday, particularly every night. We’d either use the dance studio and his own one out of campus that wasn’t far away. I started to bond with Taeyong more and more, realising how sweet and soft he was despite looking so intimidating at first. I liked the time I spent with Taeyong. He was able to make it fun for us even though we’d be laying on the floor dying by the end.

One practice, Taeyong and I just finished cleaning up our choreography that Taeyong was expertly able to come up by the third practice. It became normal for us to just lay down, arms and legs spread out on the floor as we stared up at the ceiling and let out loud and heavy breathing be heard.

That is, until my phone rang.

“You should get that.” Taeyong rolled over, his stomach on the floor while he kept his upper body up with the support of his elbows and forearm on the floor. I sighed, frowning. “I can’t be bothered to move.” The phone’s been ringing for minutes now.

Taeyong chuckled and stood up after taking in a deep breath, reaching his hand out to my bag and sliding me my phone. “Thanks.” I muttered as Taeyong sat down beside our bags to grab his drink.

I looked at the caller, instantly sitting up straight when I reallsed it’s Jaehyun. My sudden actions caused Taeyong to let out a, “Who’s calling?” I assumed he examined my shocked expression after asking that as I kept my eyes on the phone, Jaehyun’s name bolden on my screen.

I then remembered the fact that I blocked his contact a few months back and it had a time limit on it. And I guess the limit ended today.

“I’m picking up the call. And if I start screaming, you might want to run. Cause’ I’m about to get a lil bit psychotic.” Despite my warning, Taeyong let out a humorous laugh, nodding his head in response. “Alright, alright.” He said, waving his hand out lazily as a way to say, “Now go pick up the call.”

One click of a button and I brought my phone up to my ear, hearing Jaehyun’s heavy breathing. “Where the fuck are you?” His voice was low and deep, one filled with anger, but not the shouting kind. “I’m at a dance studio...?”

“Yeah and with who?” Jaehyun growled. I turned my head to the mirror, seeing Taeyong looking at my back. “With Taeyong. So what?” I questioned him, wanting to sound nonchalant.

Jaehyun scoffed in amusement. “At two in the morning?! You serious right now?!” His voice raised with each word, he was now screaming and I began to get scared. “How’s this your problem?! I’m practicing for my assignment with Taeyong. What the hell did you think I was doing!” I couldn’t help but shout back, wanting to fight and top his level of rage and anger. I had the right to be mad since he ignored me for so long. But for him to suddenly care about what I do and who I’m with? That wasn’t going to cut it for me.

“I don’t give a damn. I’m picking you up right now. Tell me your location.”

“No! We’re not done practicing!” I lied, groaning as I leaned forward and placed a hand on my forehead to cover my eyes.

“Practice another day-”

I didn’t notice Taeyong creeping up behind me, flinching when I felt his hand on my wrist, pulling my phone away from my ear. He snatched it out of my grip and held the phone to his ear. “You heard her. We’re still practicing. I don’t why you’re so worked up. But you can speak with her tomorrow. Have a good night now.” Taeyong sounded extremely professional, proceeding to end the call and handing my phone back.

“You didn’t have to...” Taeyong sat down beside me and sighed, the two of us now facing the mirror as we stared at ourselves. “I didn’t want you to go psychotic.” He joked, making me laugh slightly, though it hurt my core due to the physical training we did before actually practicing.

“Is that your boyfriend or something?” He sounded curious. I kept silent, looking up as I try to phrase who Jaehyun was to me. But I ended up with no answer. “I don’t know. We’re just... complicated.” I whispered. “Let’s not talk about Jaehyun. I’m getting sick of it.”

Absentmindedly, or perhaps not, I laid my head slowly onto Taeyong’s shoulder. He didn’t move and instead stayed there as comfortable silence filled the air, not giving a thought about our sweaty bodies touching each other.

Biology lecture ended. I was walking out of the hall when I thought of texting Taeyong to see if I could meet him for a short practice. I didn’t know why, I just wanted to see him and do anything with him, it didn’t have to be practicing.

Before I could even type a single letter, my wrist was suddenly being pulled back from behind, making me fall back a few steps till the grip guided me to stand. I looked up, seeing Jaehyun standing in front of me. Immediately, my eyes looked back at him filled with arrogance. “Why were you with Taeyong yesterday?” Jaehyun asked. Suddenly, his eyes grew soft and sweet. Which made me very surprised. It’s been long since I’ve seen the sweet side of Jaehyun before he ignored me. It made me feel something in my stomach indeed.

“I told you I had practice. I’m doing a duet with him for my assignment.” I said with a quiet sigh. Jaehyun ran a hand down his face, biting his lower lip as he looked away for a moment. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry... for getting worked up. I shouldn’t have since it’s for school.”

I clicked my tongue in amusement, smugly folding my arms and placing my weight on one leg. “An apology but no explanation? You’re an odd one Jaehyun...”

“We need to have a proper chat.” I tilted my head slightly at his weird words. Confused, but also nervous as to what he wanted to talk about.

We ended up going to his dorm. His roommate was out. We sat down on the couch together, his body leaning forward to reveal his back while I leaned back into the couch. There was a gap between us, which made me feel weird. The space in between was just... just there. And the fact that we used to cuddle on this couch made this more awkward.

“So?” I asked, my curiosity already killing me. Jaehyun let out a frustrated sigh. “I think we should just cut whatever we have completely.”

“What...?” I didn’t know what else to say. I wasn’t sure what to feel either. I could tell he was breaking down silently. I didn’t even need to look twice to confirm that. But I was breaking at his words as well, looking down to my lap amd biting my bottom lip. “Why?”

“I don’t know what we are,_____. Are we friends? Cause’ from the way we treat each other we’re definitely not. We aren’t in a relationship together either. We aren’t friends with benefits. We’re going back and forth and I’m sure you’re as tired about this as I am.”

As much as I wanted to deny, I couldn’t. Our relationship and what we were to each other was certainly not definite. It always confused me and put me in a tough spot. The way we treated one another was as if we’re in love. Maybe we were, or maybe we weren’t. Questions about us had always kept me up all night. And I guess it is right that we just cut it off completely.

“You’re right. I don’t see why we should be together. Or not. I don’t fucking know.” I stood up, making my way to the door. I had my hand on the doorknob. At that moment, I didn’t want to leave. I wanted everything to go back to normal. To when I would be in Jaehyun’s lap as we talked for hours, his turn table playing old school songs that I’ve never heard of but grew to like. To when we would go out together and do whatever we wanted till late at night. Basically back to when any of this confusion even happened.

“You still haven’t told me why you completely shut me out for three months straight though. It hurt me. You owe me an explanation soon. Goodbye, Jung Jaehyun.”

“I wanna kiss you, don't wanna miss you

But I can't be with you 'cause I got issues.”

Jaehyun could only seat there in silence, not sure of what to do now. His mind went blank the moment the door closed. He felt his phone vibrating in his back pocket. He leaned forward to take it out, proceeding to pick up the phone without even looking at the caller.

“Hey.” Jaehyun said plainly. He heard a few shuffling before someone comes up to the phone, their breathing could be heard. “Jae. I need to see you. Now. It’s urgent.” He recognised the familiar voice immediately.

“Soo? Why are you calling me?” Out of all the people that could’ve called him, she was the one that Jaehyun would least expect a call from. Let alone one that he wanted to hear from either. “A matter we can’t discuss on the phone. You know where to meet. In ten minutes.” The call quickly ended.

Jaehyun raised a brow at this. Many questions and possibilities popped up in his head. He quickly dashed out the dorm after grabbing his necessities, wanting to get this done and over with.

He waited by the park. A place that he and soo have had many memories. Ones that he wish to forget. But upon his visit to the park, of course they all had to come crashing back in his mind.

Soo came and motioned him to sit down on the bench that faced the lake. The dark sky being reflected on the lake’s surface as the cold breeze of the night touched their skin. “It’s about us.”

“There’s nothing between us.” Jaehyun was quick to reply, wishing he could just get out of this situation and think over about his other problems. Particularly the one about his complicated love life with a partner that he wasn’t even sure was his partner in the first place.

“Our parents are suspicious of us, Jae. You say that us not meeting anyone would solve it but if they don’t see us together-”

“It’s been three months do you think I wouldn’t realise it?” Jaehyun leaned forward and covered his face with both his hands, exhaling before lifting his head up back and looking at the scenery, hoping it’ll put him at ease even the slightest bit.

“You don’t want this. I don’t want this either. I have my own problems you know. I have someone I love.” Soo nodded her head, humming agreeably. “You’re right. We both don’t want this. But our parents do.”

Jaehyun groaned in annoyance, turning his head back to look at her. Soo blinked her eyes rapidly. She’s never seen him this mad before. “I know that way too damn well.” Jaehyun slapped his thighs and stood up, shoving his hands in his pocket and turning around swiftly to Soo.

“I don’t care what you do. You have a higher status than me and therefore you have a higher chance and authority for our parents to listen to you. Tell them I’m sorry but I really don’t want to be tied down to someone I don’t love.”

With that, Jaehyun stomped off, making his way back to the dorm. He immediately plopped himself onto his bed, sighing and he stared up the window. The couldn’t stop thinking about his lover. The fact that he couldn’t explain to her made his heart breal in every way possible.

He jusy wanted to be with her. But it was now his fault that she hates him now. And he’s not sure of what to do. The fact that he had to call off whatever they had couldn’t be anymore painful.

He wanted her with him right now. To have her presence right next to him. His arm wrapped around her as a way to protect her small figure from the world though he knew well enough that she was capable on her own. He wanted to plant light and sweet kisses filled with love all over her face. He wanted her touch of love that could send electric shocks throughout his body. He just missed her so.

“Even though you ain't mine, I promise the way we fight make me honestly feel like we just in love

'Cause baby, when push comes to shove.”

It’s been a few days since Jaehyun and I called it quits. And honestly, I was falling apart. I missed him a lot. It felt weird not having him around. It felt like back when he ignored me for three months. Except now the anger has disappeared, and all I craved for was his presence.

“The performance and assessment’s tomorrow. You ready?” Taeyong asked, breathing heavily as he walked to the speaker to stop the music. I squatted down on the floor, hugging my knees to catch my breath before gulping and nodding my head. “I’m surprised we managed to do this in a month despite our professor giving us four.” Taeyong nodded back agreeably.

“Let’s just hope we do well tomorrow then.” Taeyong walked back to me with his hands shoved in his pockets. I eyed him up and down taking the time to admire his outfit, which was simply just a tucked out loose white button under a muted blue waistcoat and black jeans and pointed shoes. The blue waistcoat was just to match his light blue hair that he dyed recently that suited him very well.

“Your outfit is simple, yet so pleasing.” I mumbled, my finger placed under my chin. Taeyong chuckled, taking one step closer to me. For some reason it made my heart race, the space between us got smaller and smaller unintentionally. “It’s probably because of my physique and natural features.”

Taeyong bent down to meet my eye level, tilting his head as he gave his cheeky eye smile that I got used to seeing very quickly. I ruffled his hair and laughed loudly. “Of course it is. You’ll definitely outshine me tomorrow.”

Taeyong slipped a hand around my waist, pulling me closer. This was definitely normal since our choreography included him doing this, but it made my face hot this time. “The purpose of a duet is to help each other shine together. I don’t think I’ll ever be outshining you.” Taeyong commented softlt with a gentl smile.

It was finally time for the performance. Everyone at the hall was seated, murmurs and chatters can be heard all over. Backstage, everyone was rushing to get ready. But I couldn’t help but peek at our professors and dance instructors that were about to grade us from behind the curtains.

“Nervous?” I heard Taeyong’s voice from behind me as he placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. I glanced back before taking in a deep breath. “We’re the fifth to go. Calm your nerves.” This time, he placed his other than on my other shoulder, proceeding to rub his hands up and down slowy and soothingly, which instantly calm me down. “I’m trying.” I whispered.

The two of us waited anxiously backstage as we counted the number of performers going up on stage. Now’s already the forth and we’re up next. Our names got called. Before we headed up on stage, Taeyong held my hand, interlocking his fingers with mine for a short moment before flashing me a smile and letting go, proceeding to walk forward as I followed behind.

The music played and we started to perform. The lights on the audience shined brightly and I could see everyone’s faces. Of course to calm myself down I kept my eyes straight ahead. Everything went as how it should. Taeyong and I danced perfectly in sync as if we were made to dance together. Taeyong had to lift me up for a few counts, holding me by the waist. And one glance to the audience and I instantly saw Jaehyun sitting somewhere in the middle, his eyes looking right at me. I was shocked but I had to continue.

We ended the performance with a deep bow. I smiled widely at the audience, but I avoided Jaehyun’s eyes completely. Taeyong and I walked off stage. “That’s was amazing! You did so well!” Taeyong shouted as he pulled me into a tight hug. I hugged back and laughed, panting heavily as I tried to catch me breath. “You were great too, Taeyong.”

Taeyong pulled away from me. And as we were about to walk to the changing room, I felt a hold on my wrist. A tight one. I turned around, noticing Jaehyun right in front of me. He looked over at Taeyong before me. He didn’t say a word and dragged me away. I glanced back at Taeyong, his worried eyes making me want to release my grip off Jaehyun but I knew I can never since he was way too strong.

“What the hell do you want?!” I shouted when we finally came to a stop at a secluded and somewhat dark corner. “I can’t see you dance with Taeyong. I got jealous.”

My eyes squinted at his words, completely confused and bewildered. My mouth gaped open as I let out a scoff. “Jealous? Why should you be? We aren’t anything anymore. What’s my relationship with Taeyong have anything to do with you?”

“I don’t like seeing you with him, okay? Didn’t you ever think about how I felt when you’re always staying up late with him for practice? Or did you even think about me at all?” I grew quiet, struggling to even form a sentence of what to say.

“I don’t like seeing you with any guy.”

“You aren’t my boyfriend. You don’t have any say in who I hang out with.”

It was now his turn to keep silent, avoiding my eyes completely as he looked elsewhere. “You aren’t mine. But don’t you think we had something between us at all? It drives me nuts whenever I think of you. I had my reasons for avoiding you, okay?”

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “Sorry but I can’t handle any of this right now. I’m way too tired. Let’s talk some other time.”

With that, I walked off, trying to find Taeyong who just came out of the changing room with his outfit hung on his arm while he wore back his loose white tee and sweatpants. “You okay? I got worried.” Taeyong immediately rushed over to me and looked me up and down, concerned as to what happened just now.

“Yeah I am. I’ll go back to campus now. I just need some rest.”

Before taking a step, Taeyong stopped me. “Need a ride?” I shook my head.

“Thanks for the offer, but I much rather be on my own for now. I have too much on my mind.”

“I know we be so complicated

Lovin' you sometime drive me crazy

'Cause I can't have what I want and neither can you.”

I ended up staying late at night, staring off into the ceiling while hugging my cat plushie. And all I thought about was Jaehyun. I could never get him off my mind no matter how hard I tried to force myself to sleep. I could be staying up since I didn’t have classes the next day but my body was too physically tired. Yet my mental state seemed to be wide awake.

The next morning, I stayed in my dorm, pacing back and forth in circles as I figure out what to do. Suddenly, the door opened, making me flinch in shock as I realised it was just Mark. “You look stressed. You nervous about the results?”

“My mind is all over the place, Mark. Jaehyun’s driving me crazy and I just-” I grabbed my head with both my hands, letting out a loud groan and I plopped myself on my bed next to Mark.

“Won’t it be easier to just settle things with him?” I gave Mark and unimpressed look. “We did. We promised to not see each other again.” I let out a dreaded sigh. “But he came up to me yesterday and now all I can think about is him.”

Mark swung an arm around me, clearing his throat. “Then just tell him to back off. Now and forever. I can’t see my friend going crazy because of some frat boy.” I chuckled shaking my head. “He’s not a frat boy.”

“Sure acts like one.”

I hummed, giving a moment to think it over. “How can I meet him today though? He’s working.” Mark raised a brow, facepalming. “You know he has a thing called breaks, right?” Mark deadpanned. And just like that, I made my way to the cafe where Jaehyun supposedly worked the afternoon shift.

I walked in, the bell above the door ringing to signal that someone has entered. I didn’t see Jaehyun brewing the coffee. I walked up to the counter, seeing a familiar face and decided to ask him where Jaehyun was.

“Hey, Jeno?” I called out to him gently, watching pouring his ready made coffee into a small cup. He looked up, instantly smiling brightly when he made eye contact. “Hey! Haven’t seen you for so long! Looking for Jaehyun?” I nodded, gladly thankful that he read my mind.

“He went out somewhere for awhile. He’s coming back soon. Want to wait here while I serve you some caremel frappe?” I exhanged his smile with mine, nodding my head eagerly. “You know me well, Lee Jeno.” I tapped my hand on the counter before walking off, taking my usual seat at the far corner of the cafe that’s out of sight from public eyes. I used to sit here when I would wait for Jaehyun’s shift to end before walking back to campus. It felt weird coming back here after avoiding it for so long.

After a few minutes, Jeno brings me my drink. I thanked him as he backed away and I resumed my waiting. I checked the time on my phone. Thirty minutes have passed and he’s still not here. Each time the bell rang, I instantly lift my head up only to find that it wasn’t Jaehyun.

Heaving a sigh, I leaned forward, my shoulder raising up as I continued to stare at the entrance. Finally, I saw Jaehyun through the window, walking to the door. But... he’s with a girl?

The door opened and Jaehyun walked in, the girl close beside him. She was wearing Jaehyun’s hoodie too. The plain black that he often wears. I kept silent, wanting to see where all this was going. Why was I feeling something? I shouldn’t be... right? I have nothing to do with Jaehyun, let alone his love life. Wait why am I even assuming that they’re together?

Jaehyun went up to the counter. He turned around to look at the girl. They were smiling and laughing together, which made the knots in my stomach tighter and my heart began to ache at the sight. As cliche as it sounds, I muttered a, “That should be me.”

The girl took off his hoodie. She was wearing a shirt under it. It seemed like she wanted to give it back but Jaehyun insisted on her keeping it, continuously shoving the hoodie back and forth till she threw it at him, kissed him on the cheek and ran out the cafe laughing. I frowned. I really didn’t like how this was going.

Jeno went up to Jaehyun, motioning to where I was seated. I instantly looked out the window as if I didn’t even see Jaehyun coming in and was minding my business. I heard his heavy footsteps walking up to me, and he sat down, dragging the chair closer to the table. “You didn’t say you’d be here.”

I turned my head and faced forward to Jaehyun, picking up my drink to take a sip, nodding my head. “I didn’t.”

“Who was she?”

I couldn’t help but ask. I was too eager to know. Too eager for something to confirm my suspicions, closure. “A friend.” Jaehyun said after exhaling sharply.

My lips form a thin line, my brows raising for a moment as I gave a “You sure about that?” expression with a hum. Jaehyun stared at me for a moment. I couldn’t read his face. “She’s just like Taeyong. Someone I’m working with for a project.” He said with simple directness.

Anger started to settle in, the tension between us growing tighter and tighter with each moment of silence in the air. “Your project partner comes waltzing in wearing your hoodie and giving you a kiss on the cheek? Some partner there.” I replied with sarcasm, nodding my head over and over.

Jaehyun cocked a brow, the side of his lips turning up slightly as he leaned forward, so close that our faces were a mere inch away from each other. “Now you’re jealous? That’s cute.” He chuckled lowly.

I blinked my eyes rapidly. Is he really going to do this right now? Despite me blushing slightly at him calling me cute. I couldn’t shake the fact that he was probably trying to get back at me and making me feel how be felt when I was with Taeyong.

“Why can’t I? You were jealous when I was with Taeyong too.” I blurted out, not sure if that was the right thing to say.

“You aren’t my girlfriend, and I’m not your boyfriend. But we can’t see each other with anyone else, or touch anyone else. We can’t have who we want either. Make an inference. Connection, hidden meaning.”

“Don’t bring the method to answering History questions into this.” I couldn’t help but laugh softly at his attempt to joke. I knew very well right now wasn’t the time, but I just missed it.

“Stress high when the trust low

Bad vibes, where'd the fun go?

Try to open up and love more.”

“Don’t you miss it?” Jaehyun asked, his face getting soft and gentle. He reached his hand out to mine, holding my finger with a light touch. Our eyes went down in unison, staring as our hands fit perfectly together.

“We’re complicated, indeed. We aren’t sure of who we are. And we don’t even know the reason for that. But doesn’t it all come down to whether we love each other...?” Jaehyun lowered his voice to a whisper, pur noses were now touching as I gulped, closing my eyes for a moment as I inhaled his naturally strong scent that not even his perfume could mask.

“I guess...” I started, breathing heavily. “I guess we’re just scared. I don’t know about you, but I can somewhat admit that I’m scared.”

“It’s been years, Jaehyun. Years since we’ve showed affection for each other yet we never seemed to get anywhere. But I liked it nonetheless. Despite the fact that we were just... stagnant.” I smacked my lips. “Or not perhaps I’d call it going back and forth.”

At that moment, I thought of us. Jaehyun and I. Years ago. When we first started. I met him here, at the cafe. I got addicted to him from first sight and I’d make it a mental note to visit him everyday and demand that only he should make and serve my orders. That’s how we grew close. Not on campus, but out. We kept our relationship like a little secret. But that was only for the fun of it; for excitement and thrill. I liked that about us. Being alone and only having each other. Turning back time was what I always wished I could do.

“I love you, _____. I missed us. When we were just happy. I guess this all started when I ignored you. I’m sorry for that. And you know I mean it.” Jaehyun couldn’t keep his eyes on me. He constantly looked down or avoided my gaze. He bit his lip intensely, as if trying to hold back tears.

“But if you would let me, I’ll explain it over dinner.” Jaehyun gulped, breathing in as his chest puffed up. I wasn’t quite sure of what to make of this. But in the end, my main goal was to settle this, on a good note. Whether I’d be with Jaehyun in the end or not. I just needed closure.

“Sure.”

Jaehyun offered to meet me at a high end restaurant. Somewhere I’ve never been in years since I was just like any regular college student. Poor.

I didn’t know what to wear. And I guess my outfit seemed to lower itself a lot when I stepped into the restaurant. I glazed my eyes over the place, spotting Jaehyun at the far end wearing his usual all black shirt, jeans, and shoes. A combination that never failed to cup his masculine body perfectly.

“You didn’t have to take me to somewhere this expensive.” I said, sitting down. Jaehyun smiled softly in greeting. “It’s only slightly above average.” He commented.

We ordered our food. It was taking quite awhile to come. “Um.. I suppose I should be giving that um explanation to you now.” Jaehyun spoke up, his hands on the table with his fingers interlocking with each other. I nodded my head, pushing the glass of iced water that was served to us earlier on, bringing it in front of me and leaning forward to take a sip.

“My parents want me and Soo, the girl you saw at the cafe to get together. I honestly didn’t even know why. And I never cared either.” Jaehyun lowered his head, fidgeting his fingers. “And just so you know, I never had feelings for Soo. She has someone else. The two of us agreed that we’d still maintain our private lifes and not let it interfere us.”

I bit my lower lip. I could tell he was telling the truth, that he was being sincere. It made my heart soften. But I didn’t want to show it. I didn’t want to seem easy and to just fall for him all over again just from a simple explanation.

“Are you going to do anything to fight back against your parents about it?” I asked, not wanting to say silent throughout.

“I simply told Soo to do something about it since she would have more influence on them than me.” Jaehyun leaned in, again his hand creept up on mine. He held my hand in his, bringing it up slowly and planting a light kiss on my fingertips. A gesture that I only ever knew would feel this amazing because its him. He was the only person I’ve met to have such a gentlemanly feature.

“Can we slowly... get back to how we were? I know it’s my fault. I know you won’t forgive me immediately. Do whatever you want with me. Whatever decision you choose, I’ll just have to accept it.” Jaehyun whispered, his voice growing quiet with each word as he looked down to my hand and caressed it with his thumb. I could still feel his kiss lingering on the tips of my fingers.

I brought my hand up to his chin, lifting his head up and eyes off the table, forcing him to look me in the eye. I leaned in and kissed his cheek, letting my lips stay there for a long moment before pulling away. I could see Jaehyun smiling slightly at my touch. He thought he could cover it up with a cough, making me giggle softly.

“I’m not forgiving you just yet. But I do admit that I missed how we were two years back.”

296 notes · View notes

chuckbass-love · 3 years

Note

56 and 100 with andy or steve plss

Hellooo lovely. First of all thank you for the request and i’m sorry for the long wait. I was taking a break from requests to work on the multiple series that i’ve got going on but i’m back now and i hope this is worth the wait. Secondly, i chose Andy for this and i really hope you love it.

Prompt #100: “Call me selfish, but i don’t ever want anyone else to touch you”

Prompt #56: “Come sit on my face, let me show you how much i missed you”

Disclaimer: My work is not to be translated or to be posted anywhere else other than MY Tumblr, Wattpad and Ao3 without my permission. However, reblogs are welcome.

Pairing: Andy Barber x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Jealousy, fluff, smut, oral sex ( f receiving), language and ass grabbing. 18+ guys

Word Count: 2,861

GIF NOT MINE!!! Credit to @lovingpostit go check them out💜

I’ll Show You

It’s been one hell of a day at work today and all you want now is just to cuddle up on the couch next to Andy, a glass of wine in hand and some random movie that he’s been dying to watch all week on the TV. To tell the truth you don’t even care what movie it is, all that matters is that he’s next to you, holding your body close to his with his cologne filling up your senses and intoxicating you. Oh and lots of kisses are also a must.

You could honestly spend forever in his company and it’s been that way since you first met, you’ve always been drawn to each other like magnets, to put it in the most cliche way possible. But it suits the two of you because you’re both introverted and home bodies. So any time you get where you can just sit together and enjoy each others company, you take it no questions asked.

This week has surprisingly dragged, probably due to all of the clients you’ve had. Your calendar has quite literally been chock a block full not to mention the severity of the things your clients unload onto you. It’s been tough. But you got into this business because you can’t help but help people and you knew the second you started on your journey to becoming a therapist that it was never going to be easy. Nothing good ever comes easy. But you don’t mind that, you’ve never shied away from a challenge before and your brains are just another thing added onto a long list that Andy keeps of why he fell in love with you.

That along with your heart of gold.

On the drive home you decide to turn the radio volume up a little more than usual, you need something to keep you going until you can run into the arms of your love and as Led Zeppelin comes onto the radio, you know you picked the right day to crank the volume up. What a band.

----------------------

Andy is just making his way out of his own office and down to the parking lot to drive home himself. He’s usually home before you but tonight he had to clear up a couple things before he got to leave and much like your career, his is also never stress free, but he loves it too much to give it up.

As you park your car you notice Andy’s isn’t here yet which isn’t unusual, you know he’s most likely had to stay behind a little later so you decide that you’ll be the one to start cooking dinner ready for when he arrives. You step out of your car and head to the back seat to retrieve your bag along with your jacket from this morning before strutting up to your front door. But before you can even put the key in the lock, your neighbour Ian jogs over, calling your name to catch your attention.

“Ian, hi” you beam, greeting him with a friendly smile, one which he returns gladly.

“Y/N, me and Julie were just talking and since i’m taking the boys out golfing tomorrow, she’ll have a spare coupon for the spa, if you’re interested in joining her”

You have been rather tense lately and since it’s Saturday tomorrow, you’re not gonna pass up such a wonderful opportunity to relieve the tension building and the knots forming all over your back.

“Sure, that would be great. What time?”

“11” he responds simply and you nod your head rather enthusiastically.

He places his hand on yours as he smiles from ear to ear “brilliant, she’ll be over at half ten then just to be safe. Have a nice evening” and with that he walks away just as Andy is walking towards you with a not so cheery look on his face. Must have been a tough day at work for him too.

“Hi handsome, what’s with the pouty face?” you tease as you let the two of you into your shared house but he doesn’t seem to be laughing at your not so funny joke.

“Andy?” you press him for some kind of response even if it’s a nod or mumbling, you’d rather something than to be blanked by him but to no avail.

He just shrugs his coat off, hooking it onto the coat rack before slipping his shoes off and placing them in the shoe holder. And since he doesn’t seem to be responding any time soon, you do the same before padding into the kitchen to have a look at what you have in the refrigerator and the cupboards to cook for dinner. You eventually settle on a simple dish, mac n cheese. It doesn’t take too long to cook and that’s exactly what you need seeing as you’re starving.

You take one of the many pots and pour some water in it before setting it on the stove on a medium heat to boil whilst you change into something a little comfier.

As soon as you enter your shared bedroom you see Andy making his way into the closet too and when you walk in he turns his head to see you staring right back at him, confusion all over your face.

“What’s wrong?” you ask, hoping that this time he might actually tell you rather than acting like you didn’t open your mouth “what did Ian want?” is all he says and it’s all he needs to say for you to know just why he’s acting off with you.

Ian and Julie have lived opposite you ever since you moved in and you automatically got along, all four of you. They’d get a babysitter for their children and you’d double date every now and then but those fun times were interrupted when Andy insisted that Ian had a thing for you. Although you tried to convince him that it wasn’t true and he was just paranoid, you couldn’t help but notice the evidence too. The way Ian would look at you and hold his stare a little too long, the way he’d flirt without you realising it at the time and obviously today, the way he had his hand on yours. Andy must have taken one look at that and assumed the worst.

“He asked if i’d go to the spa tomorrow with Julie, i said yes, why?” you have to be sure though, although you’re assuming now, you want him to be able to tell you what’s got him so bitter.

“I don’t trust him” he mutters as he finishes changing into some sweatpants and a sweatshirt.

“He’s harmless Andy”

“I saw the way he was with you just now, touching you and giving you that shit eating grin, he knew what he was doing”

“Andy, whatever he thinks of me, i don’t care. I’m with you for a reason, can you just trust me”

“It’s not that i don’t trust you” he snaps

“Except it seems that way”

You hold off on changing for now, deciding that storming off childishly is the better option. Once you’re back downstairs you then place the pasta into the now boiling water, making sure to turn the heat up one more too.

“Why can’t you just see things from my perspective here?” he wonders out loud as he leans on the kitchen counter, catching your attention. The way his hands are in his pockets and his shoulders are hunched over, it makes you feel bad for even getting mad at him. Sure jealousy isn’t great but when he gets so worried about other men stealing you away you can’t help but realise just how much he loves you. He loves you so much that the thought of you leaving breaks him let alone if you were to actually go.

But he doesn’t have to worry about that and you’ve told him plenty of times.

“It’s not that i don’t see things from your perspective, it’s the fact that there’s no telling you. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than be without you yet you’re too caught up with Ian having a little crush to notice that”

“Yeah well call me selfish Y/N, but i don’t ever want anyone else to touch you let alone flirt”

Instead of fighting back against him you step closer and wrap your arms around him as you stand on your tip toes and just as your lips touch his, his hands grip your face gently.

His grip tightens the more you kiss him and when you slip your tongue in, he loses all control. His hands dance all over your body, leaving no spot untouched. Goosebumps form all over as the kiss heats up, the pasta long forgotten on the stove as you’re too busy being ravished by your man.

“Someone’s very possessive” you mock, smirking a little into the kiss before he kisses you so hard it knocks the air from your lungs and when you pull away you’re gasping.

Your breathing hitches as he rests his forehead to yours, his handsome face inches away from yours and all you want to do is just claim his lips, just like you did seconds before. You can’t get enough of him.

However, he beats you to it, gripping your chin aggressively as he bites down on your bottom lip with need. You pull him closer by wrapping your arms around his neck loosely to which he happily obliges.

“Is that a problem?” he asks, raising his brows at you as you struggle to regain control of your breathing, you simply shake your head no in response, half expecting it to end here. But he has other plans.

“Good” he starts, slowly walking into the lounge leaving you stood there confused. So you decide to follow, only to find him laying down on the couch with his eyes trained on you.

“Now, why don’t you come sit on my face, let me show you how much i missed you today”

Your heart skips a beat as you watch him smile afterwards, you can’t quite believe that he’s all yours.

Without another second left to pass, you head over to him and begin to straddle his waist. He quickly takes control, moving you further up until you’re hovering above his chest.

Large calloused hands grip the hem of your skirt, slowly pushing it up to expose your laced black panties. Andy can’t help but choke on air as he sets his eyes on your panty clad mound. But rather than waste time, he starts to devour you over the lace before eventually slipping them to the side and feasting on you like a man starved.

The sensation causes you to throw your head back and practically scream due to how good it feels. His tongue on you like this will never get old, it’ll always be one of the best things in life, one that you’ll continue to enjoy for many years to come. The way his skilful tongue glides over your puffy folds with such precision before he eventually latches on to your bundle of nerves, it’s almost too much to bare and you can feel the coil tightening already with every suck and lick.

And when he slurps on you as he drinks the juices that pour from your fountain you’re unable to stop your hips from moving on their own accord and before you know it, you’re grinding yourself on him desperately as he lays there taking it like the greedy man he’s always going to be for you.

For him, you’re it. You’re the one and you always have been since he first met you.

After Laurie he didn’t expect to ever want another woman again until you came along. You rocked his world, turned it upside down and since then, he’s been hooked. He’s obsessed with the taste of you, the smell of you, the sight of you and the sound of you. You ignite a fire within him, alert all of his senses and turn his whole body into gooseflesh. Just the way he loves.

He flickers his eyelashes before looking up at you as his hands make their way to your perfectly shaped ass so that he can dig his claws into the soft skin of your round globes, causing you to keen for more.

The sounds your making should have alerted the neighbours by now but even if they do, Andy doesn’t care. He just loves the music you make as you arch your back, still riding his tongue as he pushes it further into your tight and wet hole.

“Please, Andy” you cry out, reaching down to run your fingers through his fluffy hair, you’re desperate now, even more so.

“Hm?” he mumbles, the noise vibrating onto your pussy “i’m gonna cum” you breathe out heavily, trying to gain control over the situation but failing miserably.

Andy rests his hands on your hips, stilling the movements before diving back in for more. He swirls his tongue around your folds once again before ultimately settling his plump lips around your pulsating clit and sucking like his life depends on it.

You can’t hold back anymore, the sinful moans are enough to make him cum too without you even so much as touching him.

And with one final suck and two of his fingers massaging your folds, you cum with a frantic sob. Your body launches forward and he pulls you down so that you’re laying on top of him.

He strokes your back delicately, soothing your shaking body. He can feel your legs jolting every couple of seconds.

Eventually you get off of him and attempt to stand up but of course, you fail miserably.

“So, how was that?” he rasps, chuckling simultaneously

“Perfect, oh and i missed you too today” you smile and he eventually stands up as you slouch down.

“Good, now just let me finish the job then we can order takeout” he says, causing you to furrow your brows but the unasked questions have their answer once he gets on his knees on the floor between your legs and dives right back in.

You shiver a little, your pussy is still trying to recover but he just can’t get enough. His tongue laps at the cum still spilling out of you, making sure that every last drop is inside of his mouth before swallowing it all.

“Now i’m done” he quips and you sit up a little, pulling him closer to you so you can get a taste of yourself on his tongue. Once he slips it into your mouth you can’t help but get carried away, until the door knocks, disturbing you from your peaceful and romantic moment.

You stand up to go and answer it, quickly sorting out your appearance in the hallway mirror before you open it. It’s Ian.

“Ian, hi... again” you giggle nervously as you turn to see Andy’s face change from content to angry in seconds. He practically jumps up off the couch to join you at the door, his beard still damp with your arousal.

You watch as Andy stares the poor man down before wiping at his face.

“I was just stopping by to let you know that Julie wants to leave at 10 instead, you know because of traffic and all” you can practically smell anxiety on him and Andy notices it too.

“Sure, that works for me” you say before the situation turns awkward.

You glance over at Andy who is just stood there watching him intently but he’s coming off rather intimidating.

“Anyway, we’re about to order takeout Ian so we have to go” Andy adds in before snaking his arm around you waist and pulling you closer to him, you follow Ians eyes as he looks down at your skirt and you can only hope Andy didn’t spot that but judging by the change in his breathing, he did.

Shortly after Andy bids Ian goodbye and as he’s walking off, you’re still in the doorway.

You turn to your jealous boyfriend and tut, resting your hands on your hips but he soon disbands your serious facial expression as he smacks your bum which causes you to squeal.

“Andy”

“Let’s get you to bed so i can really show you how much i missed you” he kicks the door shut as he picks you up to carry you to your shared bedroom and you just know you have a long night ahead of you.

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makeste · 3 years

Text

BnHA Chapter 290: It’s Touya Time

Previously on BnHA: Iida and Hadou showed up like a couple of Pennsylvanias and Georgias to bail Shouto out at the last minute. Ochako and Toga had an exceptionally strange fight which consisted of Toga being all “guess what Ochako, I used your quirk to murder someone, how do you feel about that”, and Ochako being all “I do not like that”, to which Toga was all “:(”. There was some doll-stealing and some bookcase-yeeting, and then Toga left in tears because Ochako was all adamant that murder has consequences. Anyway so I have absolutely no idea what Toga is thinking now, but I guess we’ll have some time to stew on it, because we ended the chapter by cutting back to the Iida+Hadou+Shouto VS Afomura battle, which was interrupted by Gigantomachia and the LoV showing up like a bunch of Floridas to ruin everyone’s nice day.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi hands the mic over to Dabi and is all “take it away, kid.” Over in Room 315 of Musutafu General, Rei is all “may I please watch some TV” and the hospital staff is all “sure”, and so she tunes in just in time to catch Todoroki Touya’s Peabody Award-winning documentary “Number One Hero, Number One Fraud: The Todoroki Enji Story”, which is being broadcast nationwide courtesy of Skeptic and his magic laptop. Meanwhile in Jakku, Dabi is all “I’M TOUYA, BITCHES”, and Shouto and Enji are all, “(゜◇゜ )”, and Dabi is all, “anyway so just to sum it all up, because of how much of a jerk Endeavor was, I am now Evil.” Everyone continues to be all “(ﾟoﾟ)” except for Dabi, who is all “└(˘▾˘┌ )≡ ( ┐˘▾˘)┘≡┗( ˘▾˘)┛≡┏( ˘▾˘)┓≡┗( ˘▾˘)┛” for pretty much the rest of the chapter. Idk. Just let the man have his fun, guys. He’s waited a long time for this.

y’all I have a confession to make. I am technically not spoiled for this chapter thanks to my robustly paranoid system of spoiler-tag-filtering, which is extensive enough that it pretty much will catch whenever someone so much as breathes something even remotely new-chapter-related. that being said, I like to think that I am capable of making basic logical inferences! and so the fact that for the past 36 hours, my dashboard has pretty much nonstop consisted almost entirely of this...

...has led me to conclude that MAYBE, POSSIBLY, PROBABLY, BUT ALSO DEFINITELY, a certain someone is finally going to reveal his ~secret identity~ woop woop. lmao

anyway so everyone, please remember to act surprised though, as we would not want Dabi’s feelings to be hurt at all. he has been planning this moment for the last decade or so and I wouldn’t want him to feel like all of that effort was for naught. so just play along, okay. OH MY, IF IT ISN’T THE LEAGUE OF VILLAINS’ MYSTERIOUS DABI. WHATEVER COULD HIS ARRIVAL POSSIBLY BE HERALDING, I JUST DON’T KNOW

“Dabi’s Dance” lmao. I’m sticking with Touya Time myself. ngl I had this recap title planned out for at least the past year or so. just waiting for that day to finally come

anyway so some people in some building somewhere are all “TURN OFF THE TV IN ROOM 315” and idk. I’m guessing the LoV is hacking the airwaves to livestream the reveal, as predicted

-- oh shit. UHHHHHHHH

did she always have this TV or did she get it just recently?? jfc of all the times for the hospital staff to finally loosen up

um... so that’s... (・＿・；)

well but I mean, she was gonna find out one way or the other at some point though. like you can’t really just keep her locked up and isolated from all news of the outside world forever and ever and ever. granted, this isn’t exactly the ideal way for her to learn this particular bit of information, but it’s not really ideal for anybody else either! EXCEPT DABI, THAT IS. have yourself a day you funky little terrorist

oh shit what is this?? it’s not live???

over in Jakku, a red-faced, sputtering Dabi makes a frantic grab for Skeptic’s laptop. “WAIT, NO, JESUS, NOT THAT TAPE!”

lol. but seriously Dabi are you even wearing a shirt. like I’m not one to slutshame anyone bro, but it’s just, exactly what type of mood were you looking to set here??

anyway so we really are cutting back to Jakku now, and Gigantomachia is all, “MASTERS”! which, I wonder if he really did use the plural? that’s right Machia, both of them in one place now! that sure is convenient for you huh

lol what is this with all this AFO monologuing. you’re really gonna make me read through this when I’m sitting here all sleep-deprived from election week. JUST GET TO THE TOUYAS. WE WERE PROMISED TOUYAS!!

sigh

“tee hee it’s fucking hilarious how goddamn powerful I am now lol”

alas, in spite of myself I do have two serious takeaways from this. one is that AFO is still controlling most of Tomura’s body behind the scenes, which both does and doesn’t bode well for Tomura (like, at least he’s not dying, but the long-term implications of this for his free will and such certainly are not Good). and two is that this confirms that Ujiko did give Tomura at least one powerful mutant quirk, which explains why he was still so deadly and indestructible even when Aizawa was using Erasure on him (since Erasure doesn’t work on mutant quirks, just emitter and transformation ones)

MEANWHILE ON TODAY’S EPISODE OF “TODOROKI SHOUTO’S TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD LIFE”

I like how he doesn’t actually say that he can’t take on Gigantomachia. just that he can’t take on him and Afomura at the same time. that’s confidence, baby. that right there is why you always draft Todoroki Shouto in the first round for your fantasy team

HADOU!!!!

OOOH, TOMURA’S ALL “MAN, THIS GIRL’S WAVE POWERS AND THIS KID’S ICE POWERS ARE A SUPER-STRONG COMBO DAGNABBIT.” YESSS I LIKE THAT, TELL ME MORE ABOUT HOW COOL AND POWERFUL THEY ARE

HOT DAMN LOOK AT THAT

um but not to take away from this exceptionally cool moment or anything, but why is Endeavor dying and shouting “RUN” down there in the corner um

excuse me. not to take away from How Bad This All Is, but!!

just a little, smol, IidaBaku for everyone. Iida, who apparently doesn’t know a damn thing about first aid and is all, “hmm that’s a pretty bad-looking puncture wound he has in his left shoulder there, I think I’ll just let his arm dangle freely like that and I won’t bother taking off his heavy gauntlets either. I mean. he’ll be fine, probably.” smh. at least Shouto probably cauterized the wounds

EXCUSE ME WHAT

TIME FOR MORE OF THAT GOOD OLD FASHIONED SHOUNEN RIDICULOUSNESS I GUESS LMAO. KACCHAN YOU HAVE A HOLE IN YOUR TORSO. THERE IS A HOLE IN YOUR TORSO, AND YOU LOST LIKE FOUR GALLONS OF BLOOD, BUT SURE. “PUT ME DOWN” HE SAYS. FIRST OF ALL, PUTTING ASIDE THE FACT THAT YOU ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT BE CONSCIOUS, THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN GOING TO DO, LIE DOWN AT THEM?? LISTEN, YOU SWEET IDIOT. TAKE HEED, BELOVED DUMBASS!!

ah well. I guess he gets to watch the Touya Show now too then lol

LMAOOOO now Machia’s lifting Tomura carefully in his palm like a broken action figure and Spinner is all “THE FUCK, YOU LOOK LIKE DEATH WARMED OVER”

“oh hey there Spinner. well let’s see, I woke up from my three-month coma and destroyed a city, had my body incinerated, and am currently being possessed by a diabolically evil potato. but please, tell me more about everything you've been through”

AW YISS AND THE FOCUS NOW SHIFTS TO THE TODOROKIS. EVERYTHING IS PROCEEDING EXACTLY AS WE HAVE FORESEEN

Endeavor my dude. it’s as if you want to die here. also holy shit, that bit about his lungs definitely does not bode well for him either

MOTHERFUCKER

GO AHEAD AND SIGN YOUR OWN DEATH CERTIFICATE, WHY DON’T YOU!! FLAGS UPON FLAGS. JESUS CHRIST

meanwhile Dabi’s just waving at ‘em

lmaoooo please oh please Caleb please keep this ‘EYYYYYYY’, it’s fucking perfect kdlshk;hg

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(ETA: so as you will see very shortly, I completely missed this detail in my first read-through because I was so anxious to get to the reveal page, but THIS MOTHERFUCKER LITERALLY DOUSED HIMSELF WITH INSTANT HAIR DYE REMOVER THAT HE’S JUST BEEN CARRYING AROUND IN A LITTLE HIP POUCH APPRENTLY SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME. MOTHERFUCKER. I HAVE NO WORDS.)

IS THIS THE TIME. IS THIS THE MOMENT?! HERE IT COMES SLKFHS BRACE YERSELVES LADS

EYYYYYYYYYYYY

OKAY EVERYONE JUST LIKE WE PRACTICED!! SURPRISED FACES ON THREE! ONE... TWO... (•̪ o •̪) !! okay how was that

LMAO ENDEAVOR

at least Shouto looks properly stunned. Enji just looks like endeavor.exe just straight up stopped working

meanwhile Deku’s out here trying to do the math on this latest surprise family reveal! first Tomura is related to Nana, and now this. what’s next. who are you related to, Spinner. he rips off his boots to reveal engine legs and declares himself Iida’s long-lost uncle

oh shit Touya

it’s as if a million fanworks suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly jossed. who knew that all this time he was secretly sporting a crop top scar

also, THIRTY?! holy shit son you been busy

la la la two-page spread of Touya casually driving the dagger into Endeavor’s hero career and rocking the foundations of hero society as we know it la la la

la la la!!!

OH IS THAT THE END OF THE STORY THEN

almost got confused for a sec. there’s two monologues happening at once here. Endeavor doesn’t even know that his dirty laundry is being aired out nation-wide as we speak ffffff

btw while I appreciate the close-ups of Enji and Shouto here for sure, ngl I would also really love to see everyone else’s reactions right now. SHOW ME BAKUGOU AND THE LOV YOU COWARDS

is his hair actually turning white all of a sudden?? your hair dye just reacts on command??

(ETA: in all seriousness though, the hell kind of hair dye was he using? all he has to do is pour a bottle of that stuff and not even lather it in and it’s just gone just like that?? what the fuck would have have done if it ever rained lmao.

and this motherfucker just goes and leaves the dye remover in afterwards, too. I have never dyed my hair in my life and even I can tell you that’s probably not a good idea, Dabi.)

is this it. is this the legendary Dabi Dance in action. lmfao

oh hey what the fuck

so you figured you’d just murder your innocent younger brother to get revenge on dad, huh. well that’s nice

is that really all there is to the origin story though?? feels like we’re still missing a huge chunk of it. what was it that finally sent him over the edge? or was the trauma of being created as Endeavor’s perfect little hero tool and then being subsequently rejected by him enough on its own? because I’m still kind of confused on the part where he goes from “abused and discarded by his father” to “killed thirty people and was plotting the murder of his own brother” to tell you the truth

(ETA: lmao the initial fandom reaction to this did not disappoint. listen guys. people can be traumatized and shaped by awful circumstances that are completely out of their control, and grow up to be people they wouldn’t have grown up to be if things had been better, and all of that absolutely sucks, but. it doesn’t mean they get a get-out-of-jail-free card for all of their future actions, either! the tragedy of this situation is that terrible things happened to Touya, and he then went on to do terrible things himself. the tragedy of it is that this is exactly how the cycle of abuse keeps repeating itself on and on and on. maybe one of the people Dabi killed had a child who will now grow up traumatized themselves, and potentially go on to pay it forward themselves when they grow up. the tragedy is that the eye-for-an-eye justice that Touya is seeking out won’t actually make anything better in the end. the tragedy is that we understand why Touya is so angry, but that anger has basically warped him into the gleefully sadistic dancing figure we see in this chapter who has stopped caring about anyone else’s pain or suffering and just wants his own revenge.

anyway. basically what I’m trying to say is that it’s possible for the concepts of “Todoroki Touya was an innocent child and a victim of abuse” and “Dabi is a grown-ass motherfucking adult who killed thirty people and PROBABLY NEEDS TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THAT” to coexist lol. like, y’all wanted your moral grey, well HERE YOU GO lmao, eat up.)

lol but LOOK AT THAT BOY DANCE HIS LITTLE HEART OUT though

Todoroki Touya confirmed not a fan of the Endeavor redemption arc huh. well we all saw this coming lols

anyways here’s a sexy Touya for y’all

you really are the most theatrical bitch I s2g lmao

also for real though, what is happening with his hair? anime team in shambles here. they’re probably just gonna double down and keep it red. too bad though cuz this is a surprisingly good look on him

SO MANY CLOSE-UPS OF THE TODOROKI FACES

friendly reminder that Dabi without a doubt REHEARSED this speech like a thousand fucking times. LET US FALL TOGETHER!! COME DANCE WITH YOUR SON IN HELL. apparently if you fake your own death in middle school you will never mentally age past that point and will remain a permanent chuuni

OH LMAO THAT’S THE END

we really just gonna end on “DANCE WITH YOUR SON IN HELL”, huh. very well then. you know what song to play, Horikoshi. one, two... YOU ARE MY DAD. YOU’RE MY DAD!! BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE

#bnha 290 #dabi #todoroki touya #todoroki enji #todoroki shouto #todoroki rei #bakugou katsuki #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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crescentsteel · 3 years

Text

Keeping a Secret - Part 5

pairing: Tsukishima x f!manager of Sendai Frogs genre: sexual tension/crack/fluff/slow burn wc: 6.8k

[a/n]

Let me know if you want to be part of the taglist uwu

AO3

Part 4 || Part 6 || masterlist

“Your lips aren’t disgusting,” Tsukishima says quietly, but loud enough to reach your ears. You did hear him the first time though. You just didn’t understand what he meant so you brushed it off as garbled words induced by your sleep-deprived brain.

You didn’t expect him to contradict the subtle insult you unconsciously threw at yourself. From his reaction to your suggestion a while ago, you’d think he’d be glad that you instantly discarded it instead of pushing it further.

You pull back just enough to see his somber expression meeting your baffled one.

“I thought you didn’t want to do it again,” you mutter softly even though the kiss snapped you out of your drowsiness.

“I changed my mind,” he simply says.

“Uhhh. Care to elaborate?” you ask, still confused as to what his change of mind entails. Does he now agree to your earlier proposal? Or is he just saying that he doesn’t mind kissing you again?

...Wait, isn’t that the same?

Okay, so apparently your mind is still fuzzy and not digesting the situation clearly. His closeness isn’t helping either.

Maybe you’re actually still asleep and you’re having sleep paralysis on their sofa. In just a matter of seconds, Tsukishima’s face will turn demon-like and scream at how moronic you are for dreaming about this.

“You’re allowed to kiss me when it’s just the two of us,” the boy sitting in front of you announces.

Tsukishima tries not to look away so you wouldn’t think he feels awkward agreeing to your suggestion the same way you offered it. You look way better and more alert after he kissed you so he’s expecting you to say something sassy to get back at his brutal words.

Instead, you wrap a hand around your throat. Before he can even process what you’re doing, your hand is already joined by the other.

“What are you doing?” he asks both confused and worried as your hands tighten on your neck, but you don’t answer. He only confirms that you’re indeed choking yourself when you start gasping for air.

“What the fuck!” He hurriedly yanks your hands away from your throat, gripping each wrist and pulling them away from one another.

You inhale sharply from the absence of your hands blocking your windpipe.

It didn’t work. You’re still in sleep paralysis and with absolutely no idea how to get out.

You close your eyes and dejectedly lean on his chest. “I’m too tired to tell if this is real or a poorly conjured dream. Demon, begone,” you mumble while feebly knocking your head against him.

“Tsukishima will think I’m an idiot,” you add.

He usually doesn’t care about the aftermath of his words. The more they get under a person’s skin, the more it amuses him. But you seem to have really taken his words to heart this time, and he hates the fact that he’s bothered by it. He’d rather be annoyed by you than plagued with guilt.

He admits he was being a complete dick earlier, but he didn’t expect it would get to you like this, to the point that you’d even think you’re dreaming.

He sighs, accepting that he needs to deal with the consequences of his sharp tongue. “You’re not an idiot, y/n,” he softly says. You lift your gaze and look at him like he’s grown two heads. “So stop acting like one already,” he spurs on, unable to help himself as his true nature immediately returns.

You detach yourself from him as life returns back to your eyes. “Okay, I’m not dreaming. You’re definitely Tsukishima.” You shake your hands, probably to shake off the lethargy from your nap, then slap both your cheeks with your palms.

You steady yourself as you face him again. You verify the vague exchanges you two had with one question. “I take it we have a deal then?”

He holds your resolute stare, trying to come up with some set of rules but weariness is already hitting his cognitive capabilities. However, there is one that’s extremely necessary for the both of you to follow.

“No one should know about this.”

You scoff at his answer. “No one will know about this,” you repeat his words with a more convincing variation. So despite the insane premise of the arrangement and its lack of detail, he agrees.

“Deal.”

Tsukishima heads straight to the kitchen as soon as he gets home. In spite of the audacious agreement you now have, neither of you felt awkward when he walked you to the main road to see you off. Once again, you were right. Accepting that he is also attracted to you somehow cleared his head. He still doesn’t like it, but it’s better than constantly being irritated at the strange pull you have on him.

Since you’ve proven yourself to always be right, he’ll give this a go. It’ll only be until the end of the project anyways, which won’t be long from now considering the timetable you laid out.

As he gets a pitcher of water, he sees Akiteru approaching the kitchen as well. He moves away from the fridge to make way in case his brother is going to get something from it. But Akiteru passes him by and leans on the counter next to him instead.

He pours himself a glass while growing prickly of Akiteru’s not-so-subtle staring.

“If you’re going to say something, just say it,” he snaps.

Akiteru laughs lightly at his displeasure. “She’s very lovely,” his older brother comments randomly, and yet he already knows Akiteru is without a doubt talking about you.

Lovely?

His mind instantly goes back to when you were: (a) dancing like a crippled fledgling; (b) squawking like a dying seagull to imitate a crocodile; and (c) choking yourself because you thought you were dreaming.

“If an alien in a human suit is lovely, then sure,” he answers dryly as he returns the pitcher back to the fridge.

“She’s really just a classmate?” his older brother probes.

Akiteru has been insinuating for a while now that he should get a girlfriend, as if not having one will cause him to miss out on this ‘great’ experience of life. So now that he’s finally brought someone home, Akiteru had decided in his head that you’re a potential romantic partner.

“How many times do I need to answer that?” he responds sourly.

His brother smiles apologetically, but his face shows a regaled glimmer. “Sorry, Kei. I must have misunderstood since I don’t kiss my classmates on the lips.”

He stills right as he was about to bring the glass to his lips.

He did not hear Akiteru’s steps back then. If he did, he’d quickly give himself adequate distance from you. He’d blame you for the distraction, but you weren’t really doing anything outrageous at that moment. You were actually unobtrusive and reasonable for the first time. It was him and his guilt that preoccupied him well enough to not notice Akiteru.

He finishes his water and leaves the glass on the counter. “Goodnight,” he says without looking at Akiteru as he hurriedly goes back to his room.

It hasn’t been an hour since you two made the deal but someone -- worse, his own brother, has already found out. His only consolation is that Akiteru doesn’t really talk with his social circle so there’s no need to be worried. Also, Akiteru is not really the type to babble about stuff like that.

The disadvantage is also the same as its advantage, it’s Akiteru. He might get all excited and continue assuming that there’s more to the two of you than this limited agreement, when the truth is you’re just two individuals who agreed to make out in secret.

But that’s something he wouldn’t dare reveal to anyone, most especially to Akiteru.

When he reaches his room, he immediately texts you.

‘We meet in your place next time.’

Hopefully, Akiteru will forget whatever he saw tonight if you don’t come back.

Surprisingly but not really, you and Tsukishima are getting along swimmingly since you made the deal. ‘Swimmingly,’ meaning he still ignores you and regards you as a pest during practice. During your private meetings, however, he is agreeable.

It still seems unbelievable to you when you actually think about it. You and Tsukishima exchanging kisses when no one’s around? You’d have a good laugh if someone even suggested that idea to you before you shared that first, completely unintended kiss.

It is indeed comical, how you two would sit across each other, and with only a certain glance, both of you already know what’s up. Eventually, it became a bother to stand and go over to one another just for a kiss so you two sit side by side now.

Tsukishima is funny though. Sometimes, he wouldn’t act upon it because he expects you to take the initiative. You don’t mind doing it, but it’s fun to see him all bothered while trying to study.

“Tsukishima, you look weird. Are you okay?” You feigned concern even though you clearly know why.

He didn’t spare you a glance at all and just mumbled, “I’m fine,” while typing.

“Hmmm, alright! I’m done so we can wrap up now,” you let him know as you started fixing your stuff up. You thought that he’d hold on to his dumb ego and follow suit since you’ve finished cleaning up, but he still hadn’t done anything.

You held back a smile when you felt him grab your arm. You swiftly composed yourself before turning to his direction.

“What?” you ask like you don’t have a clue.

He glowers at you. “You know what.”

You pursed your lips to the side as you gently shake your head. “I am very confused right now,” you acted persuasively.

He puffed tempestuously before he grabbed your nape and roughly descended down on your lips, utterly disregarding his unnecessary pride. You willingly reciprocate it. You latched your fingers in his wrist beside your cheek as you responded to each suck and nip of his lips.

When it ended, you smiled into his mouth which effectively gave you away.

He harshly pulled himself away from you. “You fucking knew,” he muttered furiously.

You scrunched up your nose and grinned mischievously as you gently tapped his cheek. “Of course, I knew. See you tomorrow at the match, Tsukishima,” you said, gesturing to his scattered belongings.

Needless to say, he was extra salty with you during the match with the Lions. But hey, at least they won the game.

However, despite the Lions now out of the picture, your workload isn’t any better because winning only means needing to prepare the next opponent’s profile. You’re just a bit thankful now that unwarranted and unexpected kisses are no longer bothering you since the two of you acknowledged the stupid attraction you have for each other.

Still, that doesn’t mean that your body has magically recovered and you’re no longer stressed all of a sudden. Because you are. You are stressed as fuck. With your academic load also on the line, you can’t rest yet.

You’re starting to feel overwhelmed and whenever that happens, you succumb to your one coping mechanism: stress eating.

You’re about to meet Tsukishima but you have a few minutes to spare, so you head to the nearest cake shop. You buy a mini cake for yourself and one slice for Tsukishima. You don’t feel like sharing yours so you just get him his own.

With a paper bag in hand, you see Tsukishima waiting for you by your dormitory’s entrance. You waste no time and ask him to follow you even though he probably already knows where exactly your room is.

One would think that when the door closes, you two would jump on each other’s arms and just get on with your deal, but nah.

You two get to your usual seats with your mind solely on the cake you bought as both of you take out your notes and laptop.

After you pull up the journal you need to look at for the day, you eagerly bring out the cake.

‘Hnnnngg,’ you groan internally. The cake’s design is so pretty that you almost don’t wanna eat it. But of course you will. You’ve never had strawberry shortcake from that shop before, so you’re curious to taste if it’s as good as it looks.

Just as you’ve been ogling at your cake, you catch Tsukishima staring at it as well. “Do you want some, Tsukki?” you ask before you give the slice you got for him.

“Why would I want something childish?” he asks back with a scowl.

“I don’t see how a cake is childish but okay.” You would’ve felt bad, but you’ll have the extra slice for yourself anyways so it’s not really that bad.

Normally, you would like to savor the pastry while doing something fun, but you don’t have the time for it right now. You’ll just eat it while doing your assigned stuff for the day.

For someone who thinks cake is childish, he keeps glancing at you with tiny hints of envy every time you take a bite. When he sees you catch him peering at the cake, he instantly flicks his eyes back to his laptop.

To verify your hunch, you moan exaggeratedly the next time you take a spoonful of the cake, instantly earning you a menacing glare from the blonde across you.

“I’m sorry. It’s just so good, you know. The bread is so fluffy. The cream is not too sweet. The strawberry filling has actual bits of strawberry.” You enact a chef’s kiss after your detailed remarks.

“Amazing. Best I’ve ever had. 10/10 would recommend and buy again,” you give a positive review before getting another slice.

When you get another spoonful, you groan again and roll your eyes for added effect. You look at Tsukishima and you can tell that it’s getting to him. Yet, he’s still not saying anything. He only keeps staring as if silently imploring you that you should let him have a taste as well.

As if you’ll bend to his will just like that.

“If you want some, just say so,” you taunt him with a smirk as you scoop the last spoonful in the plate, giving him not much time to swallow his pride and ask.

Before you can put it in your mouth, he stops you. “Fine,” he says as he grits his teeth. “I want some.”

Tsukishima really is funny. It’s only cake but he sounds so angry and embarrassed just because he asked for a tiny piece. How can you not tease him just a bit more?

You take the remaining piece and move beside him. You get the spoonful of cake, extending your arm and offering it to him that way.

He looks at the cake and then you. “I know how to eat,” he enunciates coldly at your attempt to spoon feed him.

You shrug it off with an ‘okay,’ then proceed to withdraw your hand so you can have it for yourself.

“Wait.”

You comply and let your retreating arm stay in place. A faint pink tint surfaces on his cheeks as he leans down and takes the cake from the spoon with his mouth. When he starts munching on it, he looks away and slump a little while savoring the small remains you gave him.

You press your lips together to repress a smile cause you know he’ll be even more embarrassed. But holy crap, Tsukishima is so cute like this! You want to take a picture of him right now and just ogle at how adorable he is when he’s this flustered.

The Sendai Frog’s nastiest middle blocker, standing at 6’3, likes strawberry shortcake. You’re reeling internally at your astounding discovery.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he snarls with the tiny blush still on his face.

You can’t help it anymore and give him a tight-lipped smile. “Nothing,” you squeak out from how hard you’re trying not to gush at his cuteness.

He suddenly regains his composure as he narrows his eyes while studying your face.

It’s your turn to be conscious from how he seems to have discovered something about you as well.

“What?” you ask warily.

You’re completely caught off guard when he puts a hand on your shoulder and lunges down. His lips capture the skin just beside the corner of your mouth, delicately sucking on the skin before brushing his warm tongue against it.

You go rigid on your seat at the totally unexpected action from him. It’s not even a kiss but you feel goosebumps prickling your skin while the air you’re breathing gets stuck in your throat.

That’s all he does then hoists himself back up, his features devoid of any emotion as if he didn’t just do something bold. His hand on your shoulder goes up to spot he just licked and strokes it with his thumb.

“You eat like a ten-year old,” he says blankly.

Just like that, the situation is reversed. He now has the upperhand while you’re completely frozen as your mind helplessly tries to come up with something, anything, to hide the fact that you’re a complete muddled mess on the inside.

But nothing. Your mind does not work and all its attention is still on the little stunt Tsukishima pulled just now.

Being the manager of the Frogs, you’ve always seen them as cute little puppies you need to take care of. You’re the one in charge of them so you always feel like you’re the one in control. The sense of control is even more reinforced with other male athletes getting swept away with your antics during matches.

Even with the several kisses you shared with Tsukishima, it’s only now that you’re rendered utterly disconcerted. Your lips start to tremble while your brows contort with horror from the foreign feeling that’s creeping on your whole body.

Fuuuucck, you curse silently at your mind’s incapability to come up with a solution to handle the situation.

To make it worse, the corner of his lips start to tug up, forming a smug grin that suits him ludicrously well.

“You okay, y/n?” His pompous demeanor lets you know that the question is not out of concern. He is very much aware of the effect he has on you. He’s just milking it.

And it’s fucking working.

He drags his thumb to your chin and tilts it up to get a better view of your features growing even more at loss by the second. “What’s wrong, hmm?”

You press your quivering lips together as you harshly avert your gaze from his. “Nothing,” you say too softly, losing the playfulness you had not long ago.

“What’s that?” He pretends to not hear it.

Seems like you’ve had enough because you swat his hand away from your chin and cover your whole face with both hands.

His grin spreads wide from your surrender as a chuckle escapes his throat. To entertain himself even more, he pries your hands away from your face. It’s easier than he expected since your wrists are like twigs with no strength in them.

Your face is a furious shade of rose as you glare at him with both shame and anger. You try to retrieve your arms but he’s obviously way stronger than you. “Tsukishima, you smooth li’l shit, let go of me!”

With that, he releases you as he cackles from your remark. He can now see the merits of acknowledging the inexplicable magnetism between him and you. Now that he doesn’t have to feel conflicted about it, he can relish breaking your previously impervious defenses by teasing you this way.

There wasn’t even any cake on your face. He just made it up to get back at you for toying with him like one of your dumb admirers.

You give off one enraged puff then you go back to face your laptop. You try to look fine but you’re trying too hard. He can tell that you’re still bothered by it even when you’re focused on your screen now.

He gets back to his own as well, the same grin he had earlier still there. He thought you’re going to keep ignoring him for the rest of your meeting, but before he can even focus on his own task, you awkwardly slide him the paper bag you had.

“I actually got you a slice in case you wanted one,” you huff timidly while meeting his surprised gaze. You don’t say anything else and get back to working.

That was… thoughtful of you. You got him one even if he didn’t ask for it. And despite teasing you like that, you still gave it to him. If it was him, he wouldn’t have bothered.

He gets the cake and saves it for later at home. He’d like to enjoy it alone away from your cheekiness, ridding you the chance to make fun of him the second time.

When he looks at you again, you give him a brief glance before settling in to do your assignment. He does the same since you two have frolicked enough for the day.

He had learned something about you from your former meetings: you have unbreakable focus when you start concentrating on something. You don’t talk. You don’t fiddle with your phone. You don’t even peel your eyes away from the screen unless you’re checking something on your notes.

The remarkable thing is how efficient you are. You work fast and come up with decent output. He’s seen it both in your write up for the project and in the reports you give to the team.

It’s almost impressive, if not for its inevitable downside: you run out of steam just as fast, which is what seems to be happening right now. He’s ignored the first two yawns he’s heard from you, but he can’t dismiss the third consecutive yawn.

He looks at your direction and confirms that you’re indeed starting to drop your attentiveness. Your eyes are becoming lazy and you’re just pressing your keyboard too hard one key at a time.

“Oy, it’s still early for you to be sleepy,” he scolds you.

You tap your face, a futile attempt to wake yourself up because your eyes are still dazed when you look at him. “It’s the cake. I overfed myself and now I want to sleep like one.” You groan as you realize your mistake. “No worries though. I just need coffee,” you mutter.

He slams his palm on the wooden surface of your table. “Do not get coffee,” he warns almost threateningly. He does not want a repeat of what happened the last time where you’re one wheeze away from death because of your damn coffee.

“But I need it,” you protest.

“No, you don’t. What you need is rest.”

“Don’t wanna. It felt weird last time. I don’t like slacking off when someone else is being productive,” you insist further.

He sighs irritably at your obstinacy. There’s no need to rush because you two managed to get back on the schedule you set, but then again he understands why. You’re trying to get as much shit done before your responsibilities become too much for you.

That’s probably how you’ve been getting by for the past three years, being a university scholar while managing the team. If being a student while being an athlete is already difficult for him, how much more for you who has grades to maintain while working as well?

If it were anyone else, they’d have exploded from the humongous amount of work that entails. Yet, you come to the gym with that carefree attitude of yours like you’re not burdened in any way. In all the times you’ve met with him outside the gym, not once has he heard you complain about it.

You don’t whine. You just do what needs to be done.

It’s something worth respecting, to say the least. But you should really rest when your body tells you to.

“I’ll stop doing the report and watch volleyball clips from last year’s Olympics. Take your nap,” he says.

Your face brightens up at his suggestion. “Can I watch with you?”

“No.” The point of him watching is so that you can rest easy, not for you to join him. However, the look on your face tells him you won’t budge unless he lets you watch with him.

“I swear, it’ll do me better than a nap,” you press on.

He rubs his temple with irritation as you leave him with no choice but to agree. “Fine.” You squeal at his approval and scamper to his side.

He opens his folders of volleyball clips he’s yet to watch while you tuck your knees together the same way you did last time you watched documentaries for your project.

Halfway through the first clip, he feels your head bump his shoulder. He peers at you from his peripheral and sees your hazy eyes fighting off sleep. He doesn’t say anything and just waits for your drowsiness to successfully take over.

By the end of the first video, he feels your head bobbing forward which he can no longer ignore. “Can’t you just go to your bed and sleep?” he asks almost desperately.

You fix your posture and open your eyes again. “I’m fine.”

He rolls his eyes and gives a resigned huff as he skids his laptop to your front. You shoot him a puzzled look while he positions himself behind you.

“Continue watching then.” He scoots closer until your back is pressed to him, effectively caging you as he extends his legs on your both sides. There’s no use trying to convince you to sleep when you’re this stubborn. So, he’ll just provide you the means to do so.

You frown at him which he answers with a raised eyebrow. In the end, you just shrug it off and go back to watching.

Just as he anticipated, you’re already unconscious in a matter of minutes. Your head falls back to his chest. He lets you settle deeper in your sleep, watching you unconsciously find a position you’re most comfortable in. By the time the second video ends, you’re no longer wiggling around and have found refuge on the front of his shoulder with your arm loosely wrapped around his bicep.

Although he did say that he’ll slack off with you, he sees no reason to uphold it now that he’s finally got you to rest. Unlike you, he works at a normal pace. He needs to continue doing his own tasks so when you wake up, he’s already done as well.

He carefully reaches for his laptop and closes the video currently playing. He gets back to working on the current draft of the project, feeling the strain on his back with nothing to support him while you lean against him.

He shouldn't be doing this. There is no reason for him to be inconvenienced this way by you. This isn’t part of the deal.

But seeing how you’re working so hard yet still face everyone else with that vexatious cheerful smile of yours, he deems you deserving of that serene look on your face while you’re peacefully snuggled within his grasp.

Just as he allowed you to kiss him, he also allows you to hold on to him like this.

“Hey, number 17!”

Tsukishima hears someone yell. He’s sure that it was him who’s being called because he recognizes the voice. It’s someone from the Jaguars, the team they’re up against after winning against the Lions the previous game.

Still, he’d like to pretend that he doesn’t know it’s him the other athlete is shouting for. The gym is filled with other number 17s from different teams anyways. He can easily dismiss it.

However, he hears his last name not long after, automatically singling him out from the other players who also wore his jersey number.

Even though he despises small talk, it would be rude to ignore other players when they specifically call for him in public. Not that he bothers about what other people think of him, but more about how he represents his team.

In high school, he didn’t care at all. But things are different now in the professional level. He’s forced to engage in insignificant nonsense with other players.

He just hopes that this time it won’t be one of those times and that whatever this is is actually important

He turns around lazily and sees not one, but two Jaguars approaching him. It’s their starting setter and their pinch server. “I thought you couldn’t hear us, dude,” the setter says. He doesn’t reply and just stands his ground while waiting for what they’re going to say.

“Anyways, mind if we ask the number of your manager?”

It’s worse than nonsense. They approached him because of you.

They turn towards each other and simper at how they seem to think that it’s a genius idea to ask him instead of you.

“You can ask her yourself. She’s just over there with the rest of the team,” he passively suggests. He’d be glad to lead these two poor hopeful souls if they want to. He’s sure you’d be more than happy to entertain them, in your own kind of way.

“Nah. We know how she disses everyone. That’s why we’re asking you, Tsukishima-kun,” the pinch server counters.

He’s the least protective of you compared to the rest of the team. He doesn’t care if you flirt all day long with these people or if you give your number to every single person here at the stadium.

But whatever these hoodlums the idea that he’ll be the one to give your number to them? It’s not his to give. It’s yours. “It’s not really my decision to make,” he responds.

“Is she really that good of a manager that you won’t share her?”

He would’ve not perceived anything out of it if not for the malicious grin that surfaced on the setter’s poor excuse of a face. The two athletes step closer and speak in a volume only for him to hear.

“Come on now. Don’t tell us you guys are not touching that hot piece dangling itself in front of you.”

‘Lowlives.’

That’s the most fitting word he can describe these two uneducated imbeciles who talk like you’re a slice of meat. No one deserves to be treated like that, especially you who madly dedicate yourself out of actual interest and affection for the team and the sport.

Yet, these two fucking dimwits are insinuating that you’re available for him and his teammates to sleep around with. It’s more than just disrespect. It’s an absolute mockery of the effort and commitment you have for the job.

It’s not his place to be angry. He’s not the one being slighted. But the image of your exhausted features fighting off sleep to do the report of these scumbags in front of him makes him want to do something about their blatant lack of intelligence.

“Don’t look so scary now. We’re not going to steal your manager. We just want to know what it’s like to have a hot one managing us,” the setter once again proves his brainlessness to Tsukishima, successfully provoking him to do what he’s been itching to do.

He offers them a too-pleasant smile that he gives to people who are about to get a taste of his snide irony. “Sorry, but it’s not really my problem that no one wants to manage a bunch of unsightly goons.”

A vein on the setter’s temple looks like it’s about to pop out as his hand yanks Tsukishima’s collar.

“The fuck did you say?!” The setter of the Jaguars lashes out, quickly losing his temper amidst the public gymnasium.

The feigned smile on Tsukishima’s face is replaced by a genuine smirk as the two dimwits react exactly the way he wants them too. Although he can rile them up even more than he did, something tells him that these peabrains will actually resort to violence if he does so.

They’ll definitely be held out from playing the game if they do get violent, but so will he if he gets involved.

Even though he looks unmotivated and lazy, he actually likes being on the court. And if he’s going to be honest, he looks forward to blocking the tosses of the setter who’s clutching his shirt at present.

“You shitty blocker,” the pinch server backs up his teammate.

The shift of attention from you to Tsukishima doesn’t surprise him at all. From slandering you, they quickly move to verbally attacking him. His eyebrow twitches up from the remark but doesn’t bother responding to it.

Why would he when he’ll just prove them wrong later? Instead of engaging with these two, he should be getting back to the rest of the team to get ready for their match.

He’s about to grab the setter’s wrist to yank it off him when a set of feminine fingers beat him to it.

“My, my. Thank you for wanting to be friends with one of our players, but he really needs to warm up now,” you say with congenial sympathy to the upcoming competition.

They seem to have forgotten that you’re the reason why they approached him. The setter releases Tsukishima’s shirt with a glare before the two Jaguars walk away.

“Bye, bye! Let’s get along well, yeah??” you shout and wave at them way too enthusiastically. You probably didn’t catch them talking about you, which is a good thing because you didn’t need to hear that kind of horse shit.

You put a light hand on his shoulder, making him anticipate a lecture from you for dawdling around. But you only tell him that you two should go back already.

As you both turn around, the smile on your face drops while your grip on his shoulder tightens.

“Did it bother you that much?” he asks as you both walk back to the court.

“You bet it did. The gall of them to call you a shitty blocker, those fuckfaces. I swear to God, I would’ve,” you take a sharp breath then slowly let it out as you take your hands off him. “I’m fine. Everything’s fine. It’s just the usual gibberish talk among athletes,” you say to yourself, more than to him.

“What about what they said before that?”

Your brows scrunch up as you try to figure out what he’s talking about. “You mean when they assumed I’m sexing everyone from the team? Nah. I know some people think I’m a slut because I’m too sexy for their lame asses. I’m used to it so I don’t really care about crap like that,” you explain way too casually.

He thought that at this time and age, people would be a little more progressive with how they think. Apparently, he was wrong. He’s always observed how you put yourself out there, entertaining any flattery that’s thrown at you. It’s also very obvious how open you are to showing affection for the team.

But he didn’t think people would have such indecent assumptions about you. What surprises him even more is you’ve been aware of it for some time now. Still, you continue being yourself.

“But Goooood. Their childish shit talking really pissed me off.” Your previous attempt to calm yourself down fails as anger graces your features once again.

“Promise me something, Tsukishima,” you tell him a few steps away from the court.

“What?”

“Up your blocking game and win. I want to see those fucktard’s faces pulverized with defeat,” you announce as you seethe with fiery determination.

“There’s no need to promise,” he says calmly before the curve of his lips form a subtle yet definite grin. You immediately get his message as you mirror the arrogant pride on his face with a smirk of your own.

—

You’re not particularly competitive. Even as the captain of your own team before, you did not play to win. You played with your very best because you want to experience all the sport has to offer.

Maybe that’s why you stopped playing and decided to be a manager. You love the sport, but not as an athlete. You just love pushing people to their potential and being their support so they can give their all during matches.

Although you do like winning, you’re not hellbent on it. As long as the team gives their everything and you see them at their best, you’re happy with that.

This match is an exception.

At 23-24 with the Sendai Frogs on their match point, you’re clutching your notebook way too hard that the pages become crumpled and the edges dig in your palms.

When you saw Tsukishima earlier approached by the two Jaguars, you didn’t intervene immediately. You were near the area, watching and listening as to how things will unfold. You didn’t hear much of their mumbled conversation, but you caught enough words to put together that it was you they’re talking about.

You do gain a lot of attention, but some of them are not exactly wholesome. Apparently, being outspoken and open equates to being easy to bed.

You just wish they said something more interesting because you almost yawned at how unoriginal their speculation is. You fucking around with the Sendai Frogs? Groundbreaking.

What amused you though is Tsukishima’s response. Right at that moment, you wanted to kiss his snarky mouth. Not because he defended your honor, but from the clever snide comeback he quickly spat at their faces.

Your amusement was quickly ruined when one of them laid a hand on him. You didn’t care that the fuckfaced setter did it in public. Even if he did it with no one around, your blood still would’ve boiled. But when he said that Tsukishima was a shitty blocker? The palm of your hand itched to get roughly acquainted with the opposing setter’s face.

If this isn’t a tournament, you would’ve had a hard time deciding whether or not you’d have done it. But since this is a tournament, you can’t do that. You need to be civil and maintain good relations with every team, even if some of their members lack basic decency and proper manners.

Luckily, there is a way to get back at them: that is to win this match which has got you to the edge of your seat as soon as it reached the 20s of the second set.

With Tsukishima, Eiji, and Kogane in front, there’s nothing to be scared about. It’s just that you really want them to score that last point already.

The ball gets to your court and is received by Kogane, effectively cutting out your most optimal set-up to attack.

“Tsukki!” Kogane calls out. Tsukishima runs to the center of the court, right in front of the net. The opposing blockers observe him to predict who he’s tossing the ball to, only to leave him completely open as he dunks the ball to the Jaguars’ side of the net.

You were sure it happened fast, but the pounding of your heart made it seem like the ball hitting the ground was in slow motion. You wait for the referee’s signal, hoping that there were no misplays on the Frog’s end that would prolong the game.

The referee whistles and extends his arm to the Frog’s court, letting everyone know that it’s your team’s win. Cheers from team members themselves roar inside the gymnasium, soon joined by the applause from the audience.

You’re supposed to check the losing facade of the Jaguars, but the joy and relief of winning floods you that you completely forget about how they insulted your clever middle blocker. You leave your tally notebook on the bench and rush to the court along with other members.

You’ve always been impressed with Tsukishima’s blocking skills, but to win from his offensive mindfuckery with the other team just sent you to a whole different level of being proud. So it’s him you first go to.

Without putting any thought to it, you wrap your arms around his waist. You don’t mind that he’s sweating and that his body heat is emanating from his skin. You’re too thrilled that he scored the winning point to even care.

“Good job, Tsukishima!”

Right after saying it out loud, you feel him tense beneath your touch. You lift your gaze up to him and meet his eyes which are wide from shock and panic. Immediately after, your eyes do the same when you realize what you’ve done.

The loud cheers from the team have stopped. You slowly turn your head to see why, even though you already know the reason.

It’s like a paused scene from a movie where everyone completely halts whatever they’re doing. The only difference is they stopped with their attention completely on you, specifically on how your limbs are enclosed around Tsukishima’s waist and your cheek flat on his chest.

Shit.

You’re hugging Tsukishima in public, in front of the whole team.

Part 4 || Part 6 || masterlist

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#tsukishima x reader #tsukishima smut #tsukishima fluff #tsukishima angst #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu angst #haikyuu smut

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winterscaptain · 3 years

Text

balancing out.

Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader a joyful future fic

a/n: thank you all for your patience this week! i hope you enjoy this one - a few of you have been asking for mom’s route 66 moment. here it is! i’ve got some really fun graphics comin out this weekend, so keep an eye out!

words: 3k warnings: canon typical mentions of injury and death, language

summary: “accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.” ― marcus aurelius, meditations. au!january 2021

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | ajf faq | requests closed!

Haley’s sitting next to you when you snap to, sitting on a bench in a park. The same park, in fact, down the block from the apartment where you first lived with Aaron and Jack in 2012.

This is the park where Jack learned to play soccer…

You have a feeling that something terrible has happened, that something isn’t right.

“Don’t worry about that, right now,” Haley says, startling you a little. “You’re safe.”

You look at her, finding her surprisingly aged in the time since you last saw her. “Haley? It really is you, isn’t it?”

She smiles at you. “Glad you can still recognize an angel when you see one.” There’s something behind her voice, the glints of her offbeat sense of humor you love so much.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” you snort. “You’re not an angel.”

She shrugs with a wry smile. “Maybe not, but then again, maybe none of us are.”

You take a moment to look around, finding the park exactly the same as you left it. Except, you note, you’re the only people there. The playground rests empty of children, curious dogs are absent from the grounds, couples lounging in the grass are nowhere to be found.

Why here? Why now?

All at once, the memory rushes over you.

“Aaron,” you say, struggling for breath. You cough, and something wet crawls up your throat, making you cough again. Something dark lands in spatters across Aaron’s face and the collar of his shirt. You feel the compulsion to brush it away, but one of your arms feels leaden, trapped.

He’s crying. And talking.

“Hang on, baby. Hang on. I’m here.”

All you can say is his name, over and over, as you reach for him with the arm . There’s blood on your hands and part of you realizes you’re dying, probably.

“What happened?” You hear yourself sputter.

Aaron shushes you, brushing a shaky hand over your forehead. “It’s okay. You’re fine. You’re going to be okay. I love you. I’m here. You’re gonna be just fine.”

It sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself rather than you. You don’t mind.

Everything goes dark.

“Haley…” You look over at her again and she grabs your arm, stemming your panic.

She shushes you once, short. “You’re fine.”

Tears pool in your eyes before falling down your cheeks. “I don’t want to die. I’m not ready to go. Aaron, the kids, they - ”

“You’re not going to die,” she assures you, standing and holding her hand out to you. “You’re just spending some time with me for a little while. Is that okay?”

Her small, concerned frown warms you, and you know she’s actually asking. There’s a kind of understanding that she’ll just go away and you’ll be left in the darkness if that’s what you want.

It’s not.

“Yeah,” you reply. “That’s okay.”

“Good.” Her face brightens and you stand. She tucks your hand into the crook of her arm and the two of you begin to walk, the landscape transforming around you.

It doesn't make a lot of sense. You seem to walk through the park, then the apartment where you lived when Isaac was a baby, then the new house in Woodbridge with the twins, then the bullpen, all the way down the block to a house you recognize as Aaron and Haley’s - the big house they bought when they moved to D.C. in ‘98.

The house where she died.

“I have a couple people who really want to see you,” she says, by way of explanation. “I figured it would be easiest to meet here.”

You step up to the porch and into the house, removing your shoes out of habit. There’s no trace of the blood or broken glass from the Foyet altercation. Everything seems in place, right down to Jack’s army men neatly arranged on the living room coffee table.

It even smells the same - the light, floral smell of Haley’s perfume and something you can only describe as Aaron winds through the house, making it feel more lived-in than any time you’d been inside it after the divorce.

“Momma!” A little girl with dark hair streaks across the room and throws herself into your arms.

You catch her and bring her close. She’s probably six years old, maybe a little younger. When she leans back to look at you, you’re met with Aaron’s eyes.

The recognition is immediate and you grin at her. “Hi, baby girl.”

She smiles back at you, a mirror image. “Auntie Haley told me you’d come to visit.”

“Did she?” You look over at Haley, whose fondness for your daughter is open and obvious.

It’s only fair - my fondness for her son knows no bounds.

“Yep. Gramma’s here, too.”

You look around, your baby girl tucking into your chest as best she can given her size. Evelyn steps in from the back porch, closes the sliding door behind her, a glass of wine in her hand just like it would be in life, and smiles at you.

“Good afternoon, sweetheart,” she says, crossing the room to embrace you and press a kiss to your cheek. She and Haley look about the same age, maybe forty or forty-five. Her resemblance to Sean is more obvious in her youth, but Aaron’s still her own personal carbon copy.

You relax into her arms, your daughter squished between your bodies. “Hi, Mom.” On the first inhale, the smell of her detergent washes over you and tears spring into your eyes again. “I miss you.”

She laughs, leaning back to place one hand on your cheek and the other on your daughter’s shoulder. “I miss you, too. How are those girls? And my sweet boys?”

The thought of your family makes you smile and you attempt to push away the fear of leaving them…

Of leaving Aaron a widower again…

Stop.

“They’re perfect.”

Haley huffs from beside you. “Ev, can you please tell someone stubborn that dying isn’t an option here? At least, not right now?”

Evelyn smiles at you. “You’re not going to die, sweetheart. This is just a stopover point so you’re not alone. Aaron had one too, when he was in surgery a few years ago.”

“He told me,” you say, feeling a little more confident. “He told me he talked to Haley.”

“Yeah and I reminded him it’s a good idea to pull his head out of his ass every once in a while.”

You look over at her. “Thanks for that.”

She snorts. “I thought he’d never ask you. It was the least I could do.”

+++

Eventually, you end up on the back porch, sitting in the lawn chairs with the other Hotchner women. Time seems to move differently here, the golden light of the evening hours stretches far beyond what you’re used to, but it's nice. It’s not cold, not too warm, just comfortable.

You hear the gate open and a familiar voice calls, “I thought I might find you here.”

Standing, still keeping your little girl on your hip, you embrace Jenny with your free arm.

Her smile is just as bright and warm as the first day you met her. Your daughter wiggles out of your grip and latches onto Jenny’s slacks.

“Auntie Jenny, did you bring Aunt Shannon with you?”

She shakes her head. “Not today, sweetie. Today is for your momma.”

You take a seat on the arm of Haley’s chair and she snags her finger into your belt loop and says, “It’s almost time to go back.”

You look back at her, a kind of forlorn feeling creeping up in your chest. “Can you come with me?”

With a rueful little smile, she shakes her head. “No. But, I can show you something.”

A screen sort of comes from nowhere, propped like a drive-in movie on the other side of the yard. Foyet’s there, manning the projector. You squint at him and he shoots you a salute and blows Haley a kiss. She catches it with a smile and a fond shake of her head.

By way of explanation, Haley says, “Things are a little different here. If they weren’t different here, they’d be different there.” She points at the screen and you redirect your attention.

Time moves a little differently, but you learn that you’re watching your life unfold as if Haley hadn’t died, as if the most pivotal moment in your life with Aaron hadn’t happened at all.

You see years pass by on the screen - Foyet is eventually caught and killed (by Derek - a surprise). Haley and Jack come home.

Aaron and Haley come to an understanding, and you make up the tripod in their odd little fitful family unit. Aaron moves back into the big house on the river - he’s never there anyways and he sleeps in the room that used to be his office when he is home.

Emily actually dies. That one is another, rather more unpleasant, surprise.

When you look at Haley, she tells you, “Where there is death, there will always be death, eventually. It balances out, one way or another.”

With Haley in the picture, Aaron isn’t as fearless in love as he learned to be with you, doesn’t have as much perspective. He’s riddled with self-doubt and addled with fears of disappointing her, of disappointing you.

You and Aaron dance around each other for years and years and years - it’s almost 2015 before he kisses you for the first time, almost another two years before he finally asks you out, another one before you get married, another one before you have your first child.

Upon seeing him, you can tell he’s not Isaac. He’s a different boy, one that looks more like Aaron than you, who’s remarkably neurotypical, loud, and much scrappier than Isaac.

Jack doesn’t call you ‘Mom’ and you’re not as close.

Things are...wrong.

Well, maybe not wrong, but they aren’t the same. Even with the added joy of having Haley in your lives after the fear and uncertainty, you’re acutely aware that this is the timeline that was warped in some way or another. Everything feels delayed or just off.

You never have the twins or move into the Woodbridge house. Aaron doesn’t close the gap with Sean, who overdoses after a tumultuous battle with his addictions and demons.

There’s a kind of smallness to that life that you don’t have in yours.

The images fade, leaving the blank screen, after what seems like an eternity spent experiencing an alternate reality that you might have wished for if you didn’t know any better.

Haley tugs on your belt loop. “See? Couldn’t stay, can’t go back. The life you have is the best one that exists. And,” she adds with another little wry smile, “the only one you’ve got.”

Jenny places her hand on your shoulder, your daughter still stuck to her leg like glue. “You’re not done yet.”

“And,” Haley adds, “you have another surprise coming next year - around August.”

At your squint, she continues with a little smile.

“I’m not going to tell you, so you’ll have to stick around and find out.” She winks. “Thank me later.”

When she stands, you follow Haley to the front porch. The rest follow behind you like a little band of ducklings. Even Foyet, who could be an unwelcome interloper, seems like a member of the family. Evelyn passes him a glass of iced tea when she settles in the doorway.

It’s kind of funny, if you’re honest.

“Aaron and Jack will be there when you wake up. Jessica has the little ones at home.” Haley holds your hands as she speaks, swinging them back and forth a little. “You’re…” She sighs, “really hurt. Like, really really hurt. You’re gonna be out of work for a little while, and your lung capacity will be pretty fucked...forever. You’ll be able to do everything, but you’ll need to take more breaks than you’re used to.”

Your lower lip disappears into your mouth. “How’s Aaron?”

“Terrified.”

+++

Aaron sits by your bedside holding your hand, watches the way your chest mechanically rises and falls with the ventilator. They intubated you right away to give your lung the space it needed to heal, but all he wanted was to hear your voice before they put you under, just one more time.

It’s been a wretched three days. Your surgery seemed to stretch on forever, digging the bullet out of your chest, repairing the gunshot wound that shattered four ribs and perforated your left lung in six places.

After surgery, you coded after your lung collapsed again due to a pulmonary embolism. That little incident sent you right back to surgery and Aaron’s blood pressure to the stratosphere.

Since then, you’ve been stable, quiet, and, in the doctor’s words, “lucky to be alive.”

He can still feel the blood you coughed up running over his fingers and landing on his face, the shallow heaving of your breath under his hands.

Images of Haley and Kate and Emily flashed before his eyes as he tried to hold you together - horrible, horrible reminders.

Would he lose you in the field, like Emily?

Would he lose you in surgery, like Kate?

Would he be too late, like Haley?

Selfishly, the thought of playing the part of a single parent to four young children scared the hell out of him. The twins were hardly two and a half, Isaac almost five. Jack…

He really hoped he wouldn’t have to hold Jack’s hand as he delivered another eulogy for another person he called ‘Mom.’

If he was a single parent again, he would be tasked with raising three more children who wouldn’t know their mother - wouldn’t remember you after some time.

Just like Jack with Haley.

He was terrified of becoming a shell of a man without you, leaving his children practically orphaned overnight.

Sitting in the waiting room during your first surgery, he decided that he’d quit. He’d take whatever the bureau offered and quit for the sake of his children, for the sake of Jack and Isaac and Caroline and Sophia. He wouldn’t let them lose another parent to the field, to the relentless pursuit of evil.

Now, beside you, he holds your hand and talks to you as much as he can, knowing all the while you can’t hear him.

+++

“I love him, Haley.”

She grins at you while Foyet rolls his eyes. “I know you do.” Pausing as if to think for a moment, she adds, “When you wake up, don’t panic. You’re intubated. It’s...” Her head wavers back and forth a little as she searches for words. “...Unnerving. And uncomfortable. But you’re tough.”

She kisses your cheek, Evelyn and Jenny give you a hug, and Foyet kisses your hand.

“Say hi to big man Aaron for me, will ya?” He asks.

You snort and shake your head. “Gimme a break.”

He shrugs. “Worth a shot.”

+++

Your eyes snap open and you see the ceiling before anything else. Remembering what Haley said, you try to ignore the deeply uncomfortable pressure in your throat, chest, and mouth as you squeeze Aaron’s hand. Jack’s asleep, his long legs curled up like a little spider in the little corner chair.

Aaron meets your eyes and immediately reaches for the call button, assuring you, “You’re alright. You’re intubated, honey. Don’t try to talk. Just a second, I promise.”

The nurse arrives and takes care of your ventilator. You take it like a champ, mostly to avoid scaring Aaron any further. Your voice is raspy and worn when you speak.

“Hey.”

He takes a shaky breath. “You scared the hell out of me.”

A little chuckle leaves you and you cough once. It hurts. “Did you think you could get rid of me that easily?”

“That easily,” he scoffs, reaching for a lidded cup of water with a straw. “Your left lung practically exploded. You think that’s easy?”

You take the cup of water, pulling small sips. It instantly soothes your throat and you latently realize you have a feeding tube winding its way up your nose and down your throat.

That’s a problem for another time.

“Easy enough. You were stabbed multiple times - I hardly think one-upmanship is useful here.”

Your humor has the intended effect. His shoulders relax and he leans over, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Before you ask,” you tell him, “I feel like hell.”

“Yeah I bet.” There’s a little laugh in it.

“I saw Haley, though. And our little girl. She’s almost six now.”

Aaron perches on the edge of your bed, still holding your hand. “Tell me about her.”

You do, as best you can remember. Things are disappearing from your memory, but you cling to the important bits. You tell him what you saw, how life would be different if Haley had lived, the way you two talked about him, the way his daughter fits seamlessly into the lives of those they’ve lost.

“So she’s alright.”

You nod. “She’s perfect. Haley’s taking excellent care of her, of course.”

“Only fair,” he says.

“My thoughts exactly.”

+++

You’re in and out of sleep, but eventually, they remove the feeding tube and let you sit up to eat some bland pasta with some juice. It’s the best meal you’ve had in what feels like years.

Jack sits on your good side, tucked under your arm and drinking all your cranberry juice and showing you the new games Dave got him on his Nintendo DS. The girls sit at your feet, playing with some blocks Aaron brought them. They’re attempting to stack them on your shins to no avail.

Isaac’s sleeping against your chest. It hurts to breathe with him there, but you don’t want him anywhere else.

It’s Aaron’s turn to sleep. He’s got untouched files on the little table beside the chair, just as he usually does. Maybe one day he’ll give up trying to pretend to do work with one of the team hospitalized.

Haley’s right. This is the life you’re supposed to have.

+++

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#aaron hotchner x reader #hotch x reader #aaron hotchner imagine #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfiction #aaron hotchner #criminal minds #hotch #tali writes fanfiction #tali talks cm #a joyful future #a joyful future fanfic

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