#i love when my dad goes to work because i feel a sense of freedom because who freaking knows what his massive plans are.

[brightsun-and-darkmidnight]

I love how anytime I try to sit down and write someone has something for me to do.

#My dad is a workoholic #constantly working on home improvement projects #I always get dragged into things #almost always without warnings #i dont have a job and live with my parents #i get disability payments #living on my own is impossible for many reasons #mostly financially because i have sat down and tried to figue out how to #my parents helped me with numbers but i cant #i pay my parents rent. I do the shopping for the house. I meal plan. I cook the meals. I make sure the dogs are taken care of. #I clean the house. my dad never cleans up after himself if he does its a miracle. I do the laundry for everyone. #i love when my dad goes to work because i feel a sense of freedom because who freaking knows what his massive plans are. #my mom hates when he calls off work too. #but even with my mom working from home...I still get asked to make her coffee and make her lunch. #im expected to jump up and do what they say but god forbid i ask them to look at my car that i need for dr appointments and errands #they complain about the rest of the family asking for hand outs but what do they do when they demand my time #i wish i could get away for a few weekends. I say weekends because i used to stay at other family memebers house and my dad hated me gone #he had to buy all the food because my mom wouldn't cook and he admitted he even got hangry at one point. #i know they need me but i dont think they even comprehend what i do for them.

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | February 12th-18th 2024

No thoughts, head empty except for that new S7 trailer.

Complete

all things go, all things go. by dylaesthetics (Post-S5E10 Wrapped in Red | 11K | Teen): “He doesn’t hate you for transferring,” says Hen, as though reading his mind. “But the guy thinks everything’s his fault. He probably blames himself for it.” “Why would he? It was solely my choice,” says Eddie. It doesn’t make any sense. “I’m the one who got shot and had to live with the consequences.” Hen considers him, her eyes a bit sharp. “And he’s the one who watched that happen to you, and couldn’t do anything to prevent it from happening. It might be your trauma, Eddie, but it is also his.”

🔥 the distance to the stars by cloudydaisies (Didn't Know They Were Dating, Post-S3 | 27K | General): or, everyone knows eddie is dating buck except for eddie, literally.

Fractals from the Lightning Bolt by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (One Shots Collection | 49/54 | 91K | Not Rated): A collection of oneshots, some originally posted on tumblr. Each chapter is individually rated.

48. We Objectify One (1) Man Here, Sir (Honeymoon, Explicit) 49. It's Called Stress Release (PWP, Explicit)

🔥 A Minor Delay by rainbow_nerds/ @rainbow-nerdss (Post-S6/S7 Spec | 43K | Mature): Almost a year after the bridge collapse, a lot has changed. The team are scattered—Bobby and Athena on their Honeymoon, Hen on adoptive parent's leave, and Buck and Eddie... They may still work together, still have movie nights with Chris whenever they can, but things have changed. With Maddie and Chimney's wedding around the corner, Buck tries to make it perfect. And maybe, along the way, he might figure out why everything still feels... wrong.

come back by lecornergirl/ @clusterbuck (Christopher POV, Tsunami | 1,6K | Teen): “Okay, Christopher,” Gabriella says. “Let’s try and find your dad, huh? Or your mom?” “My dad is a firefighter,” Christopher says. “He’s helping people. And my mom—” he blinks. “My mom isn’t here. We have to find Buck.” “I haven’t seen him,” Gabriella says, her voice a little sad. “There was nobody else with you when we saw you. But we can look for him together, okay?”

🔥 hey baby (i think i wanna marry you) by asteriasera / @asteriasera (Post-S6, Established Buddie, Proposal | 13K | Teen): Two months into officially dating Eddie, Buck begins to plan the perfect, extravagant proposal that his boyfriend deserves. As usual, nothing goes according to plan

🔥 finally found what i’ve been looking for by fleetinghearts/ @shitouttabuck (S7 Spec | 5K | Explicit): or, buck's good at basketball, eddie's trying really hard not to commit an act of public indecency about it, and maybe, just maybe, a slightly bloody beachside pick-up game can be the start of something new

paradise under a pine tree by Maira / @carrierofthepaperclips (Valentine's Day | 4K | Mature): ... or, the one where Eddie brings Buck a gift and ends up with a fiancé.

quiet my fears with the touch of your hand by devirnis/ @devirnis (S7 Spec | 1K | General): Eddie comes to with a burning in his chest and Buck’s name on his lips.

might as well be drunk in love by fleetinghearts/ @shitouttabuck (Madney Wedding, Bed Sharing | 2K | Teen): or, getting little-spooned by his drunk best friend was not on buck's maid-of-honour checklist, but. it's happening

WIP

🔥 Any Other Way by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, S2 | 3/18 | 20K | Mature): In a switcheroo alternate universe, Buck spends young adulthood in the military, while Eddie, who has no idea Christopher exists, spends his twenties messing around, finally enjoying freedom away from his family’s expectations. When they both end up in Los Angeles, at the 118, some things are different, and others will be the same in any universe.

🔥 because we'll all arrive in heaven alive by callmenewbie/ @puppyboybuckley (Post-S6, Disaster Fic | 5/9 | 33K | Explicit): During a search and rescue, Eddie disappears without a trace, leaving Buck to grapple with the sudden possibility of a life without him.

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briar / @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon S1-S6, S7 Spec | 115/? | 339K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

Kiss Me Once Cause You Know I Had A Long Night by I_still_dont_understand_13 / @sherlockcrossing (Prompt collection | 26/? | 17K | Teen): 100 kiss prompts.

27. 51. Spinning your lover into a kiss on the dancefloor

#buddie #buddie fic #buddie fanfic #buddie fanfiction #buddie fic rec #epic buddie fic rec #911 fanfic #911 fanfiction #911 fic

[explosionshark]

my favorite Miorine thing is that she's so laser focused on suletta to an almost comical degree. prospera reveals that she wants to ruin delling's life (like, her dad, who is dying at the hospital) and miorine goes "ok but leave suletta out of this!". near the end prospera goes on a tirade about eri and miorine, pissed out of her mind, says "you have another daugher! suletta, remember??". i love her.

LIKE. YEAH.

I think the show does a really good job acknowledging that 1) Suletta and Miorine both have REALLY different methods of parsing their emotions and expressing themselves and 2) holy shit they're fucking IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER FOR REAL

You really cannot meaningfully analyze these characters and the decisions they make and the way they relate to each other without keeping their toxic relationships with their parents in mind. There's SO much projection going on - Miorine project herself onto Suletta and Suletta projects her mother onto Miorine.

When we meet Miorine she's isolated and miserable and her only concern is to spite her father and secure her own future. She feels at once dismissed by Delling and also oppressed and controlled by him. Suletta and, subsequently, Earth House are the only real connections she's made with other people. It doesn't take very long for her priorities to shift from getting herself away from her father to providing for her groom and gund-arm.

By late S1 she's undergone this massive shift - she's in charge of a project she chose, working with people she cares about. She's got two things she never had before: autonomy and support.

When Miorine hurts Suletta's feelings by trying to take greenhouse duties away from her, by endorsing her spending time with Elan, she is trying to give Suletta the most important thing she can think to give: autonomy. Freedom to choose how she spends her time and with who. It's a great conflict because it's such a revealing miscommunication. By projecting her own feelings and trauma onto Suletta, Miorine misses what Suletta actually needs. And it beautifully foreshadows the conflict in s2.

Bc the turn in s2 is that Miorine needs to reconcile the version of Suletta that she has come to know and care so much about with the Suletta she was confronted with at plant Quetta. Correctly, Miorine identifies that Suletta is being manipulated and controlled by Prospera. But she takes it further - she overlays her own parental trauma onto Suletta. Miorine sees herself and her father in Prospera's control over Suletta. Worse even: to her father, Miorine was a chess piece in reserve. But Prospera isn't holding Suletta back from anything to preserve her though: she's putting her on the front lines. She's using her as a weapon. And Suletta lacks the perspective to see it.

Suletta is, it seems, incapable of conflict. She can't stick up for herself. We see this all the time but especially in the whole lunch fiasco when she decides everyone hates her because she's too sad to ask for food. Miorine, on the other hand, actually has an easier time expressing conflict and disapproval than she does vulnerability. Calling out Prospera for the way she dominates Suletta makes perfect sense because Miorine has been calling her own dad out for the same things pretty much her whole life.

So, ultimately, Miorine deciding that she has the moral right and authority to make decisions on Suletta's behalf is a great piece of character work. The thing she spent her whole life resenting her father for becomes exactly what she does to Suletta.

Suletta projecting her mother onto Miorine is definitely another part of the dynamic. Again, it's something we see most in s2. Right before the sabotaged duel, we see this moment of total cognitive dissonance in Suletta's thinking. Miorine and Prospera come to hold fully oppositional places of importance in Suletta's world. She ascribes basically an equal level of authority to them.

She loves her mom > her mom loves her > her mom would never make choices against Suletta's best interests > whatever her mom says must be right > if it hurts or if it feels wrong, it's because Suletta has to be more mature. And at the same time she loves Miorine > Miorine is smart and capable > Miorine wouldn't make a wrong decision > if she hurts Suletta, it's Suletta's own fault.

After she loses to Guel, Suletta copes by blaming me herself. She doesn't know how to be angry at someone she loves, but she does know how to feel shame for not being good enough. She wasn't the victim of a cruel betrayal, because her love for Miorine means she CANNOT be capable of doing something that bad. It becomes instead a failure of Suletta's - if she has been better, Miorine wouldn't have abandoned her. It's her own fault for losing and for wanting more than she should have in the first place.

It's the exact kind of broken, warped thinking she applies to Prospera. And it's why Prospera is exactly right when she tells Miorine that she too could get anything she wants from Suletta.

This is why I love the reunion so much. It's so explicitly about owning your own actions and allowing the person you love the space and freedom to decide how to respond. Suletta extends her hand. Miorine decides to meet her there.

Suletta chooses to risk herself in the Calibarn. Miorine alone respects her choice enough to raise the permet score, even if she breaks down immediately after.

Anyway wow I'm fully brainsick about these two. Sorry for that long ass rambling reply but oh my god I'm in a chokehold atm

#the witch from mercury #the witch from mercury spoilers #WOOOOOOO

[herrlindemann]

Bravo 05.06.1997, interview with Till

The halls burn at their concerts. With their spectacular fire show and their super hit 'Engel' (this week number 3 in the German single charts), Rammstein from Berlin rose to become the new stars of the German rock scene. Frontman Till Lindemann plays the wild man on stage: The muscular, broad-shouldered singer fires flamethrowers, lets showers of sparks spray and dances across the stage as a living torch - without batting an eyelid. In the BRAVO interview, on the other hand, the shrill 'fire devil' shows a completely different side. Till, who has recently dyed his hair silver, speaks softly, in a deep but gentle voice. He seems very thoughtful, almost shy — and he rarely smiles...

Rammstein landed their biggest hit with 'Engel'. How did you get the idea to sing about angels?

The text goes back to a fairy tale I heard as a child. A boy asks his dad about his deceased mother: "Where is my mommy now? » The dad replies: «She is now an angel in heaven. Look up at that star. There's your mommy now! » This story fascinated me. I could sense how lonely and vulnerable the boy must have felt without his mother.

Do you believe in angels yourself?

Anyway, I've never seen one. Richard always says my lyrics are childish and wise at the same time. I really am like a big kid — naughty but innocent. People always think I'm strong and badass. That's not true. I am sensitive and easily hurt — and romantic and passionate in love.

How did you grow up?

We lived in Schwerin in what was then East Germany. My parents are artists. They left me alone, I could do whatever I wanted. I was mainly interested in sports. I was good at swimming, so when I was ten I went to a sports school where I trained for an international career. At first everything went great. When I was 16, I went to Rome with the East German team for the European Championships.

Was that your first trip abroad?

Yes, anyone who went abroad in GDR times was king! We didn't have the freedom to travel back then. I was totally fascinated by Italy. After the competition I abseiled with a girl I met in Rome. I had no intention of running. The next morning I reported back to the team. Unfortunately too late. I got into big trouble and was interrogated by the Stasi. What I did was a crime for them. It was then that I noticed for the first time in what a slave system we lived in. After this trip, I was fed up with the system. I got out and became punk.

How long has Rammstein existed?

Richard, our rhythm guitarist, founded the group in 1993. At Rammstein all band members are equally important. The group can only function with this cast. If one of us gets out, it's over. The guys played in various Berlin groups like Feeling B and The Instabokatables until 1993. I got by in Schwerin as a basket weaver. From time to time I played drums in some punk bands for fun. Richard is an old friend of mine. My voice has always fascinated him. I used to sing out loud at work and he would listen for hours. One day he brought cassettes with new, super hard songs and told me to sing along. At first I didn't feel like it because I didn't want to go to Berlin.

But then you went to Berlin after all...

Yes, Richard talked to me for three days. Finally he convinced me. We then recorded the first demos in the apartment he and Schneider shared at the time. I always had to sing under a blanket because my voice woke the neighbors from their sleep. The three of us formed the core team. Paul, Flake and Olli came later when we won our first studio session at the Berlin Senate Rock Competition in the summer of 1993.

Where does the band name Rammstein come from?

At first we didn't expect to be commercially successful. For over a year we went without a name because we only played at friends' parties. When we signed the record deal, we had to come up with a name quickly. Someone said: "Rammstein. » We liked this name — «Ramm» and «Stein» express movement, strength and hardness. We knew nothing at all about the plane crash that happened in the 1980s at the military training area in Ramstein/Rhineland-Palatinate. We all come from the east and didn't notice anything about the catastrophe.

At the beginning of your career there were rumors that you were right-wing extremists...

Absolute nonsense! We have nothing to do with fascists. When Rammstein started, we seemed like a foreign body in the German music scene because we didn't conform to any cliché. We're just not easy-going heave metallers with long hair and short pants. People didn't know which box to put us in. The box on the right was obvious because we acted very tough and monumental, with long leather coats, shimmering metal, bare shiny skin and all that fire. We wanted to provoke people and do something totally crazy.

« Mein schwarzes Blut und dein weißes Fleisch, ich werd’ immer geiler von deinem Gekreisch. Der Angstschweiß da auf deiner Stirn, hagelt in mein krankes Hirn… » you sing on the number 'Weißes Fleisch'. Are such harsh texts also created out of sheer desire to provoke?

My texts arise from feelings and dreams, more from pain than from pleasure. I often have bad nightmares, waking up at night drenched in sweat from fear because I saw some bad bloody scene in my dream. My lyrics are an outlet for the emotional lava boiling over in my soul.

What scares you?

We all try hard to hide behind a well-mannered facade that we are ruled and guided by drives and feelings: by hunger, thirst, fear, hatred, greed for power and sex. Of course there is also a very strong positive force in us - love. Without them, humanity would have exterminated itself long ago. Drives and negative feelings are particularly dangerous when they are suppressed and hidden from consciousness. In my texts they are allowed to come into the open.

Are you a pyromaniac?

Fire fascinates me. I once brought two New Year's Eve fire breathers to a gig and lit them between songs. The fans cheered and I burned my hands. But I thought it was great that I didn't have to stand around stupidly between the songs, but had something to do. I made myself a gauntlet that could spit fire, then a fire arm. At one point, the fire department showed up behind the stage. On this occasion I learned that you need a ticket to play with pyro effects. So I took the firework exam.

How do you actually live privately? Do you have a girlfriend?

No, not at this time. None of the six of us have an intact relationship. We're just too much on the go. But I don't live alone. I am single father. My daughter's name is Nele and she's twelve years old: she's my everything - for me even more important than Rammstein!

#Rammstein #Till Lindemann #Richard Kruspe #Paul Landers #Christoph Schneider #Flake #Oliver Riedel #1996 #interview #translation #*scans #*

[ohplagg]

Keeping Track of Time in I Love Yoo

I am back again with another timeline because I guess this is my life now. This timeline, though, is specifically about the events for December 21st 20XX and forward since I've noticed that Quimchee is adding clocks ever since Nol got stabbed, and everything feels like a race against the clock for some reason.

I'm not going to add any screenshots since this is just, as the title says, keeping track of time. Nothing more, nothing less.

Just in case someone is not paying attention to what they are about to read, this contains spoilers up to I Love Yoo's Episode 244.

If more clocks appear in future episodes I might update this.

As always, I love hearing what you guys think so feel free to reach out!

Italic means that it's not known when exactly in the timeline that specific event took place. I still placed the event where it makes most sense.

(Ep. XYZ) means the episode where the time is mentioned/seen.

Saturday December 21st

9:42pm Nol falls from the second floor to a glass table. (Ep. 210)

Before 11pm Nol is rushed to the hospital (Ep. 215)

Kousuke went to Hirahara's hostpital to look for Nol after being spaced out for around 30 minutes. (Ep.213)

Kousuke get's knocked out by a wall.

11:55pm YuJing leaves Rand alone. (Ep. 215)

Sunday December 22nd

12:00am Kousuke wakes up to hear Hansuke arguing with Yui (Ep. 220)

12:19am Meg find's Rand's present for Kousuke in the trash (Ep. 220)

12:22am Hansuke steals the blood samples (Ep. 221)

4:28am Rand leaves to visit Kousuke. Kousuke has been knocked out by the tea. (Ep. 221)

4:21am Nol wakes up. Shin-Ae texts Dieter and Soushi who are out of the hospital (Ep. 215)

4:47am Dieter and Soushi leave WacDonalds (Ep. 225)

5:06am Dieter and Soushi arrive to the hospital (Ep. 225)

5:09am Shinae goes to get Dieter and Soushi/Birthday party starts. (Ep. 225)

5:26am Stalkyoo dance to christmas music at sunrise. Geez, not even 20 minutes? no wonder Dieter was still awake to witness it all. (Ep. 220)

Hansuke visits YuJing and stores the blood samples.

Nana arrives to the hospital and Nol's jail time is pushed for 3 days counting today (so December 24th is his last day of freedom)

Hansuke takes the blood samples to get tested

7:52am Shin-Ae texts Dieter "Is everything okay?" after he and Soushi left the hospital (Ep. 225)

8:21am Shin-Ae and Nana meet (Ep. 225)

Kousuke wakes up, goes with Yui for breakfast, Hansuke and YuJing pick him up afterwards

8:40am-ish Yui arrives to church right after mass ended (Ep. 230)

"Convince me"

Shin-Ae gets picked up from the hospital by her family

Maya and Shin-Ae talk

Kousuke get's medically checked

11:30am Dieter texts Shin-Ae about going to the hospital together during the afternoon. Shin-Ae takes a nap (Ep. 235)

1:30pm Kousuke drops off his phone at his apartment before heading to Nol's hospital (Ep. 244)

3:30pm Dieter texts a sleeping Shin-Ae (Ep. 240)

Dieter comes to pick up Shin-Ae

Dieter talks with Nol

Kousuke arrives at the hospital with Hansuke and YuJing

Kousuke has a panic attack

5:51pm Shin-Ae wakes up from her nap (Ep. 240)

5:55pm Shin-Ae texts Nol "I know I'm blocked but just in case..." (Ep. 243)

The AA 101 Group to which Shin-Ae and her dad go to is at 7:00pm

7:41pm Hansuke and YuJing are hanging out with college friends. Kousuke isn't picking up his phone. Gregory M tells Hansuke that he can get his stuff done by the end of the week (Friday is the 26th) (Ep. 241)

8:35pm Nana, Dieter and Soushi leave the hospital for the day. (Ep. 242)

8:45pm Shin-Ae is at the AA 101 Group and receives a text apology from Dieter (Ep. 242)

Alyssa tells Nol she "really needs to see him"

Monday December 23rd

10:10am Kousuke's secretary looks at his watch and notices Kousuke missed work (Ep. 243)

10:30am Yui get's a text message from Alyssa saying she's going to visit Nol (Ep. 244)

11:05am Meg mentions how she is heading to the library soon (Ep. 243)

A bit before 11:45am Alyssa arrives to Nol's hospital to talk (Ep. 243)

Between 11:45am and 12:25pm Nol and Alyssa stay quiet (Ep. 243)

12:25pm Alyssa and Nol finally start talking and Yui arrives. (Ep. 243)

Shin-Ae will arrive to the hospital around 2pm (Ep.244)

Nana mentions she'll arrive around 3pm. (Ep. 243)

#i love yoo #i love yoo webtoon #quimchee #shin ae yoo #kousuke hirahara #nolan lochlainn #nol hirahara #yui hirahara #yeong gi hirahara #webtoon #rand hirahara #ilyoo #nol lochlainn #i love yoo timeline

[pacificwaternymph]

In a superhero mood so I'm revisiting my old Empires Season 1 Superhero AU that I never really talked about. No one asked for this but I need some place to put it down and y'all followed me so this is your own fault.

Scott. He's a villain. He flirts with Jimmy a lot on the battlefield and he's very charming and quippy, definitely the kind of villain that always partakes in a lot of back and forth banter between him and whatever villain he's fighting.

More below the cut because this gets LONG

His parents died when he was young, so he was basically raised by Xornoth. Which, you will note, does not make for a particularly healthy environment.

Xornoth in this au is not... redeemable, so to speak, but they are sympathetic. Between losing their parents at a young age and having to take full responsibility for a younger brother who's barely old enough to have a very basic understanding of death but still doesn't fully grasp where mom and dad went and still hasn't really figured out they aren't coming back, they had a lot of pressure on their shoulders.

They genuinely loved their little brother, but they weren't the most... equipped to raise him and unintentionally left behind some pretty significant trauma that comes from being raised by someone who was shoved into parenthood suddenly and unexpectedly.

Xornoth's parents were both villains, so they felt obligated to keep up the work. And, in the process, they found they really, really liked it. This started them on a downward spiral where they gradually lost the ability to feel compassion or empathy towards others and they started to neglect Scott.

Scott didn't necessarily want to become a villain, but he really didn't want to fight his older sibling. He found that he quite enjoyed the freedom of being a villain, getting to do what he wanted just because he wanted to, and used that as a justification for everything else.

So he became Xornoth's sidekick in a sense, but due to growing tensions between the two of them as the previously mentioned trauma's long term effects started to reveal themselves, this didn't last long and it blew up into a huge argument that resulted in an incredibly destructive battle.

So Scott's been soloing as a villain for quite a while when Jimmy appears on the scene, and he immediately takes an interest. He starts flirting with him, leaving him flowers, generally trying to mess with him however he can, finding the hero's reactions funny. Part of him intends to corrupt him into becoming his partner, but the other part knows that's unlikely to work.

And then... feelings happen, and Scott finds himself growing attached. Next thing he knows, he finds the hero on a rooftop, sitting by himself and looking quite glum. When Scott goes to taunt him, and Jimmy responds with a simple "Not now, Smajor," Scott ends up comforting him.

The two of them bond over never knowing their parents, and being raised by their older siblings, because Jimmy was raised by Lizzie.

That's sort of a tipping point for Scott. His dynamic with Jimmy on the battlefield starts to shift. The taunts become less malicious and more teasing, the flirting starts to become more genuine, and his attacks start to get... softer.

Several times he switches sides mid-battle, typically whenever Xornoth showed up to a fight, just out a pure spite. He'd pause the fight and ask if he helped the heroes take Xornoth down, would they please not arrest him just this once? Somehow, he keeps getting away with it.

At one point, Scott uses himself as a human shield, taking a serious blow meant for Jimmy. Jimmy... goes a bit feral trying to keep him safe. That's when Scott realizes that he is not just fond of Jimmy... he's outright in love with him. He's not quite sure what to do with that, since a match between the two of them just... isn't possible.

After the fight has been won and the villain subdued, Jimmy starts begging him to get up, because the cops aren't far away and he can't let Scott get arrested. Scott mutters that it was worth it, but when Jimmy continues to plead with him, he reaches up and kisses him, telling him to shut up.

He manages to make it out without being arrested, before dropping off the face of the planet for months, Leaving Jimmy to wonder if he's even still alive, and if he'll ever get closure about what the kiss was about.

And then... Xornoth tries to kill Jimmy.

Scott finds out via Mythical Sausage, who kept in contact with Scott even after he left the Champions of Exor, and at this point has switched sides and is now in a program set up for villains seeking redemption (in which a hero is assigned to "sponsor" them, basically acting like a parole officer and a mentor who takes all responsibility for their actions)

Jimmy's not doing well at all by the time Scott shows up, and then to add to that, he gets knocked to the ground, severely injured. Xornoth is about to deliver the finishing blow, and before Scott can fully think it through, he puts an icicle through their chest.

Of course, killing the person who raised you doesn't just have no consequences. Scott sinks to his knees, tears streaming silently down his face as he looks on in shock at what he just did. Jimmy comes up beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder for comfort, and Scott cries into his shoulder.

Jimmy and Scott end up moving in together while Scott is trying to stay on the down low, at which point they work out their relationship and what they mean to one another. Scott kind of just... drops off the radar as a villain, debates whether or not he wants to enter the program for reformed villains, decides not to and gradually shifts to vigilanteism instead.

The next time he shows up at a battle he kisses Jimmy in front of everyone. To which the general response among the other vigilantes and heroes is "It's about time."

Meanwhile, Joey loses his fucking mind over the death of Xornoth, escalates in villainy and goes completely off the rails. So that's neat.

#empires smp #superhero au #scott smajor #smajor1995 #dangthatsalongname #solidaritygaming #solidarity gaming #jimmy solidarity #xornoth #empires xornoth #xornoth empires smp

[angry-geese]

Goose, my beloved my bestie, if I want to get into the Fallout universe, where do I start and what do I need to know?? (pls infodump 🥰 I figured an ask post would be easiest so I don’t lose it)

i had to hop onto my laptop to type this out because i already know its going to be long xD

adding a cut so this doesnt take up the entire dash skdjhfskhj

tbh it's pretty hard to play through the series chronologically because it's not really one consistent story: it's a bunch of different stories being told in the same setting. i think the best place to start kind of comes down to which you enjoy most: rpg elements, story, or gameplay.

the older games (like 1 & 2) grant you the most freedom as far as roleplaying goes, but their top-down aspect can be a little off-putting to some people, as well as (at least from personal experience) they're a lot less forgiving than the newer games. your build has to be pretty particular in the beginning if you want to survive combat. even if I'm playing a speech heavy character, i find that i have to tag unarmed/melee skills just to get through the tutorial sequence in the beginning of 2 if i want to survive the intro. a lot of people like them due to their rpg value. it feels like your choices really matter in the wasteland. compared to the later games, they're pretty lax with what they let you do. there's not really a lot of icons on the map telling you where to go or what to do. personally, i need a little more direction when playing a game, but i understand the appeal. out of all of the fallout games, 1 & 2 are probably the ones i have the least hours into out of all of them

fallout 3 and New Vegas are a little clunky with their combat systems but that can be blamed on their age (and probably nv's shorter development time). new vegas and 3 are quite different but im lumping them together because they came out around the same time. new vegas is a cult classic. probably the most (at least openly) loved of all the fallout games, and for good reason. the story felt like old fallout while using the same game engine as the newer one. a lot of the same people who worked on the first two fallouts went to work for obsidian (who developed new vegas) after black isle studios went under so they took a lot of their ideas for the original fallout 3 (which was meant to be another top down one set in California if I'm remembering correctly!) but made it into the 3d rpg style we know today. the combat can feel a little clunky in fnv, but if you want to play a game that has the feeling of "old fallout" with the gameplay of the newer ones, new vegas would be a good place to start

fallout 3 was the first game i got into back when it came out in like 2008 bc my brother had it for his old xbox xD. compared to 4 and new vegas, the capital wasteland is a lot less populated and more barren feeling than other games. supplies and ammo are rarer (assuming you don't know where to look for them) making the game feel like more of a struggle. it makes sense seeing as you start out as a squishy vault dweller who has never seen the wasteland before. story-wise it's pretty good. you can bypass like the first half of the main storyline by just making a beeline to where your dad is in vault 114(?? I'm blanking on the number rn so this might not be the right vault) and avoiding megaton altogether. i don't recommend doing this though because you will miss A LOT of worldbuilding and experience/levels. as far as rpg elements go, you can either be a savior of the wasteland or a real evil bastard depending on what you choose. it feels like you really make a difference for all the settlements/people you decide to help. part of my gripe with this game comes down to the ending. ill avoid spoilers as much as i can just in case you want to play through the game but im not a fan of games you cant continue playing after the ending especially when there's a workaround with one of the companions. overall fallout 3 is pretty enjoyable if you can look past the limitations of the game engine

If you want something that's a lot more forgiving during gameplay, but still feels like the wasteland, I'd start with fallout 4! the combat handles a lot better than 3 & new vegas, but as far as rpg elements go, you're kind of railroaded into the typical good-guy path which i personally don't mind because that tends to be my playstyle in games anyway lmaoooo. fo4 was one of the first "mainstream" fallout games so the story is made to appeal to a more general audience. it's not nearly as dark as the storyline of the earlier games although you can find these more ominous elements tucked away in terminals and environmental storytelling. this game has some of my favorite companions out of the entire series, and fo4 has one of my favorite dlc's out of the entire series which is Far Harbor. if you're into modding your games, the community for fo4 was still pretty active for it even before the show came out. i know a lot of fans of the series have a gripe with the storyline of this game in particular due to it railroading you down a certain path. not to mention, a lot of the actions you make in the commonwealth feel like they don't really change the outcome. however the gameplay is pretty forgiving to someone who hasn't played this series before. your starting stats aren't really the difference between life or death as they give you a lot of room for error. i personally really enjoy the settlement building system and i'd love to see it implemented in later games with tweaks to make it even better. I'm also pretty biased in what i say about fo4 because i have the most hours into it out of any of the other fallout games and it's very near and dear to my heart xD

also slightly related to fallout 4-- if you're looking for a youtuber with some amazing settlement ideas, i really like the creator IfThenCreate who has a whole ongoing series about different settlement builds around the commonwealth. she's very charming and her videos are very cozy and tbh i could listen to her for hours (which i probably actually have because her videos about sanctuary hills are like four hours combined xD). not all of her content is fallout related but at the moment she has probably one of my favorite fallout related series :3

tbh i can't really speak a whole lot about fallout 76. out of all of the games (ignoring tactics and the brotherhood of steel ones) it's probably the game i have the least hours into. as far as gameplay goes, it seems pretty solid. i enjoyed the way they did Appalachia, but I don't think this is the best game to start with if you're just getting into the series. 4 or new vegas is going to be a better place to start imo

if you have amazon prime I'd say start with the show ksdjfkj I've only seen the first two episodes (as of right now at least) but it looks amazing so far. it's the best way to dip your toes into the series without having to commit yourself to tens or hundreds of hours of gameplay xD

also if you get into the games prepare for them to crash. like a lot xD my poor old xbox one could barely handle downtown Boston in fo4 and while it's definitely better on my computer, it still struggles. i also tend to mod my games to hell so that might be part of my problem lmaoaoao. the games can be buggy at times (especially the Bethesda ones) but if you can look past that they're all pretty enjoyable

#goose answers #ari <3 #its perfect timing you ask this because like all of the fallout games are on sale on steam right now xD #it was like 6 in the morning when i started writing this so sorry if its a little incomprehensible xD #this is all my opinion of course and i think some of the beauty within this series comes with finding out which part of it you like best :) #as far as pc v console goes i dont really have an opinion on it #the first two games i think you can only play on pc #i find a controller is easier to use for shooter games but my computer tends to run fallout better than my console #but console is the one i have more hours on by far #so really it comes down to personal prefrence lol

[vessel-full-of-stories]

This is absolutely my favorite analysis so far and it helps that I've already established Buck and Eddie's association with physical affection. Now I can build off of those, including Chris this time. :)

HERE WE GO! (So excited.)

EDDIE : As previously discussed, Eddie has strong emotional ties to physicality, so much so that I would label it as a love language for him.

Some might assume that he manifested it thanks to his son, seeing as children can bring out a vulnerability and nurturing nature in adults. However, I don't think that is the case for him.

As discussed, Eddie has a physically affectionate family. He was likely raised with it, seeing how easily he responds to his tia and abuela's touch.

When examining Christopher's birth, Eddie shows that he is nervous and unsure how to love his new child. He turns down cutting the umbilical cord at first (a literal physical, symbolic gesture for parents), but agrees with some encouragement. After that, he gets comfortable enough to interact with him, enjoying the connection.

The problem is, he only spends a week with the new born before he's back in Afghanistan.

By the end of his tour, Christopher has been diagnosed with CP, Eddie is struggling to keep up financially, and nearly all of his emotional ties to Shannon and Chris have degraded greatly.

It's the way he holds Chris away from him at first, then struggles to provide comfort with his touch. It's a serious mental stressor not being able to provide for his family in so many ways. And his pre-therapy approaches (anger or running away) are only making things worse.

He realizes this as he's under a hail of gunfire and bleeding out in The Valley of Death. It's why he holds his photo of Chris and his necklace so tightly in what he thought were his final moments.

They weren't.

He goes home, and there is a distinct shift in his approach to Christopher. He's trying. He's smiling and happy to be in his son's space. But his mother, with his parents' insistent coddling, steamrolls the moment and Eddie feels obligated to follow her orders.

He doubts himself. Doubts his ability to be a good parent. Shannon understands because they're doing the same to her, but their own issues and broken relationship prevents them from finding any comfort in each other.

Eventually, Shannon leaves, Eddie picks up additional jobs, and his parents sit him down to try and guilt him into giving them his son. When anger doesn't work, he runs from them, finding Chris outside.

And there's something beautiful in the way the distance closes between them as the scene progresses.

It's this conversation and this hug that finally, finally cements a relationship between them. It gives Eddie the courage to break away from his parents. He has something to build up from there, in his own space, on his own terms. And he does.

It takes a bit of self-correction (as manually helping would show his love) but he's determined to allow Chris to grow and do things on his own, unlike his parents who wanted to do everything for him.

He sees Chris fumbling with his sock and moves to help him, but stops. Instead, he lets him take his time, do it for himself, and they both share a sense of accomplishment by the end. Eddie reinforces this idea when his abuela tells him to help Chris as he walks. As much as he loves and respects her, he tells her he can do it.

(A cute sidenote : Eddie giving Chris that extra time might have influenced his quick "Dad's running a little behind" while dropping him off. It puts the focus on him, rather than Chris thinking he made his dad late.)

At last, Eddie is surrounded by family (both biological and found) that wants to support him. In this freedom, he is able to express all the love he has for Chris and he makes sure to show it every chance he gets.

(Y'all, I told you he was affectionate.)

Christopher is shown to pick up his father's verbal and physical habits, using them in practice to support the people around him.

But Chris isn't the only one Eddie influenced.

BUCK : Someone who waits for some form of permission before engaging in physical affection and does not tend to ask for any himself.

We know Buck's family history and the neglect he suffered from his parents. We know Maddie did all she could, but she was still only one person (one kid) with her own problems and her own desire to find someone to love her like her parents didn't.

Buck's solitude followed him into adulthood, made itself an issue with a sex addiction, and clings to him even as he settles into what he hopes is a forever-family.

Insert Eddie and Christopher Diaz.

The first time Buck meets Christopher, Eddie is reunited with him after a disastrous earthquake. The overwhelming love is apparent in Eddie's physical responses, all visible from Buck's Jeep.

A short time later, Chris is permitted to accompany the 118 on their shift which means Buck and the rest of the team get to participate in these acts of physical affection.

Approximately one year passes between that day and Buck taking Chris to the pier. By the "He's hanging out with his Buck today!" comment from Eddie beforehand, there is clearly a relationship there but it's likely surface level as Buck then asks, "So, what do you like to do for fun?"

And they do have fun. With someone as tactile as Eddie for a father, Buck pushes himself to be somewhat more affectionate and it seems simple, almost, since he genuinely enjoys Chris' company. But there is still a barrier.

(He's stretching that shirt so much. Just hold him by the waist, omfg.)

Like half the city, that barrier gets knocked down by a giant tsunami. And it sparks a major shift in their relationship.

Not only does this experience deepen their connection with shared trauma, it's the first time Buck takes comfort for himself instead of just hoping someone gives it to him.

Like I discussed, Buck is not one to ask for comfort, and he doesn't exactly do that here. In this arc, Buck is absolutely giving as much comfort as he can in this horrible situation, but, at the same time, he's allowing the contact to let himself relax, too. Because He. Is. Also. In. Danger.

He is scared. He is terrified. And he's gonna physically lock himself around Chris as much as he can because it makes him feel better, too.

For instance, when they are first safely on top of the firetruck, they're not moving or sliding, yet Buck still reaches out to cling to Chris' shirt just in case. As they find their seats, Buck presses himself as closely as he can, wrapping his arms around him and keeping their heads close.

And it's not like it's to conserve body heat or anything, seeing as they're under the summer California sun. They're not cold. Chris is smiling, proud that his surfing lessons (thank you, Eddie) came to fruition and helped keep him afloat. So he's not in any severe mental distress at the moment.

Yet, Buck melts himself against the boy with a sigh of relief. Chris is not the one who needed that extra bit of contact. Buck is. And he takes it, seeing as they're already there.

After that? Buck feels comforted enough to let go and survey the area around them, still staying within arms reach. But then he has to leave as more and more people appear in the floodwaters, Buck knowing he can save them.

That bit of space stays, even as he continues to touch and poke Chris, until Buck needs to distract him with another round of I-Spy. Then, Buck acts as a wall to block Chris from seeing anything that might be floating in the waters.

It's only when the people right in front of them fall from the truck that Buck leaps from Chris' side and that's all it took to be separated again, Buck jumping in after him.

That failure, in Buck's mind, reels him back and when Chris and Eddie show up to his front door after everything, he can barely put his hand down to return Chris' nudge/hug. He doesn't feel worthy.

It's Eddie's words and touch that ground him and remind him he did everything he could. That neither of them think less of him, only more.

With that, their relationship continues to grow.

Buck is his friend. A safe space he can run to when he's upset with his father. Someone who promises that he will stay by his side when it feels like everyone else is disappearing.

And when he makes good on that promise, going to him after Eddie is shot, something absolutely amazing happens.

Buck ASKS for physical comfort. It's subtle and non-verbal, but when he goes to Chris to explain what's happened, he starts at a distance.

It's the same as the tsunami : Buck feels like he's failed the Diaz family by letting Eddie get hurt (maybe more than hurt, Eddie's still in surgery) and doesn't feel worthy to take comfort.

As he's fighting to stay hopeful for Chris, he gets the text that Eddie pulled through and Buck breaks. The relief is too much and it floods in with every other emotion he's been repressing until then. He bursts into tears, and leans.

Not just anywhere. He leans towards Chris.

And Christopher, taking after his father, recognizes exactly what Buck needs. What he can't put into words.

He drapes his arm over Buck and hugs him. And there's no surprise from Buck because, again, it's what he asked for. Then, Buck takes the opportunity to seek more, while also providing some comfort in return, by pressing his hand to Chris' knee.

After a major milestone like that, it's no wonder Buck is shown to be just as affectionate as Eddie the next time they interact, directly mirroring the rush forward and swooping hug they pull Christopher into.

Buck, with all their shared experiences, developed a physically affectionate relationship with Chris. Something he doesn't share with anyone else on the show. (Yet. I'm hopeful.)

And to prove it, examine how he reacts to Christopher's distress call in 5x13.

When Buck knows someone he loves is in trouble, he is 100% the person to run in and help them at any cost.

3x14 : Maddie is held hostage at the dispatch center and Buck races after her in his Jeep, Athena pulling him over for it. 4x01 : Bobby is still in the bus as it explodes, so Buck rushes back in. 5x06 : Buck hears a gunshot after being separated from Eddie and sprints outside regardless of his personal safety just to be by his side.

You know how all of these situations end? Not with physical comfort from him.

Maddie reunites with Chim and Buck purposefully keep his distance because "she already has everything she needs." Buck walks through the smoke and ash of the bus to see Bobby and the passenger are alright, so he stops and takes a breath. Buck halts feet away from Eddie, who is working to keep a heart alive, then switches to following orders.

Basically, he never approaches them because they don't actively, physically need or ask for him. That is a boundary he has when it comes to physical affection. (Not that it's a warranted boundary, it's just how his mind perceives his role in the situation.)

This does not apply to Chris.

Christopher calls Buck with the intent to help Eddie, his father. It would make perfect sense for Buck to move past him and go directly to Eddie's bedroom, but he doesn't.

Instead, Buck recognizes how frightened and closed off the boy is and essentially breaks his own rule of explicit consent. He moves in, grabbing Chris' shoulders, his neck, shifting his hands gently to convey comfort. He is in his space, assuring him he is going to get his dad out before he even approaches Eddie's door.

That is how far their relationship has come and that is how much they mean to each other. Buck loves Chris enough to break his own rules and Chris trusts Buck enough to know he would never take advantage of that unspoken consent.

And we know it's still a strong rule for Buck because physicality-is-my-love-language Eddie Diaz is on the other side of that door. And when Buck breaks it down to get to him, he never tries to physically touch him. Eddie is a sweaty mess, suffering the aftershock of a violent breakdown, bloody knuckles wrapped around a baseball bat and Buck never backs away once, even if he doesn't completely move in.

Because he loves Eddie. And while Eddie isn't giving him consent to come closer, Buck won't give up the ground he's claimed. Being near him is enough.

TL: DR : The influence Chris has had in both of their lives and the way it helped shape their current relations with physicality is incredible. With seasons 4 and 5 really showing how far Buck has come, it could lead to him breaking those same boundaries down with other characters in the future.

Eddie will continue to grow and maybe adapt more forms of love languages into his life (*cough* cooking *cough*) just like Buck is learning to expand physical affection within his.

And Chris will continue to learn from both of them, maybe finding some of his own along the way.

#wow that took forever to formulate properly in my head #i hope it all makes sense hahah #911 fox #buddie #911 on fox #911 buddie #evan buck buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #buddie edit #buckley diaz family #i love them so much #character analysis #physical affection #love languages

[hiddenthoughts7]

Why does it hurts so much?..

Lately I can't help but cry at any time, even though I'm trying my best not to....

Time passes by so fast is scary, I feel so stuck, never advancing, always following the routine, wake up, eat, work, eat, work, eat, work and then a "little free time" at night, where I have to wait till my little sister sleeps so I can cry in peace without having to worry her, is at this time, where I am alone that I can have a little sense of freedom, and I hate it, all I do is feel anxious, worried and sad, then I go to sleep and the cycles starts again, is so tiring, it feels like I'm wasting my life making everyone happy or confortable, pleasing them with whatever they want because I can't say no.

This is consuming me, I really don't know what to do, this is tearing me apart, always having to have a stupid smile in my face so I don't ruin anyone's day, sometimes I don't know if I have any right to feel this way, am I complaining to much? am I exaggerating? why does it hurts if everyone seems to see it as normal, as if what I'm feeling is nothing?

What I am? What is my purpose in life? I seriously don't get why I'm even here...I want to stay, there's so many things I want to accomplish, but at this rate would I be able to do it? When could I scape this misery?...

My life is so busy doing anything people need, a people pleaser they call it..

But when is my turn? Is happiness really that hard to get? Do I really have to spend my whole life looking for a moment to feel happy?

I miss being a little girl, things were so simple back then, it definitely wasn't perfect either but I was a little bit happy....I guess, to be really honest I don't remember much from when I was young, most of my memories are full of sadness and disappointments…

The first thing I remember that broke my heart was seeing my parents fighting, getting divorced, i still have that flashback of my father having to leave our house...it breaks my heart every time i remember, i wanted to go with him, i still do...

A part of me is glad that my parents are not together anymore, i know how toxic they were in their relationship, and i didn't want any of them to get hurt, but other part of me also always hoped to see them together again...i always wished that every birthday, but it never came true so i stopped making wishes, i stopped believing in god that day... because what did i do to hurt me like that?

I always wanted to stay with my dad, i miss him, i love him, he is the best dad, i know he is not perfect, but he did his best to be by my side, he couldn't do much economically, but that didn't matter to me, he gave my love and support every time, so that meant much more for me, that's all i needed...

He still supports me, we really get along well even better which I'm glad, but i really miss him, now I'm even far away from than before..

It makes me feel anxious and worry to even thinking my parents can get sick, again, they are not perfect....but I love them.

There's so much i want to write in here...but I'm not sure if I can, my mind gets blurry trying to remember my life while listening to sad music, the only thing i know is that I'm an ocean of tears...my heart aches, it's an estrange feeling, i feel my heart getting twisted and punched.

Why can't i go back? i would love to spend more time with my family, my little dog..my house, everything i just want to go back and stop time so i can have them with me again...

I miss my friends...I feel so lonely, this world nowadays is just full of hatred and sadness, work life devours you, you have to put your wants and needs aside to continue with the same thing over and over again, things that doesn't do anything for you besides giving you money, and for what? everything goes to basic human necessities that we sadly have to pay for.

I rarely find the time to even listen to music, that's how sad and toxic my life is..at 1 am is when i can be myself...

I love my little sister, i want her to be the happiest human on earth, i want to protect her, I've been taking care of her since I'm 13, while my mom and her husband went to their disco business, or went to the casino while i had to take her, they didn't care at all, they always have used me, because it was spected for me to do those things, was it fair? My sister even called me mom at some points.

Always taking care of everyone, always making everyone happy, what have they done for me? Give me food and a roof? Education? Yes, thank you for that but those are my rights, that's your responsibility, to be honest i didn't asked to be born at all.

Is always complicated when i wanted something, is always a trouble when i need something, that's why i stopped asking for anything.

I never had the best relationship with my mom, now is better than before, but still..

Every time I'm trying to remember the past my mind blocks it and i started to cry...

I don't know what to do, i want to remember so i can do something about it, it wasn't only my family who has hurt me, my "friendships" back then also have betray me and leave me in pain.

I was always that replaceable friend in every group i was, always the extra person in the room, the one who didn't matter at all, then one who was being used for whatever reason, this is not me trying to be the victim in all this, no, this is me, recognizing my pain as valid, I'm tired of hiding my feelings, i;m tired of thinking my feelings are just an exaggeration.

The first time i ever felt loved, the first time I felt this feeling was truly mutual, why did it have to be with him? Why that had to happen?

I was so blinded by thinking what he did was normal, at 15 years old, i really thought that being forced to have sex was okay, i hated myself for allowing that to happen but what did i know? he was stronger than me, i really tried to stopped him from doing that, but maybe i didn't fight enough..i was so scared i have to faked an smile in front of him and act normal after that even though i was furious and shocked..i continued to be with him thinking that was the best thing to do, why? i don't know maybe i was scared of what could have happened after that, and i was actually right, everything was worst after that, i was so conflicted with myself, i loved him, but i also hated him, he was so manipulative, making me feel stupid, at the end i realize, none of that wasn't love, you don't hurt the person you love, i was just his entertainment, i always spected something romantic, spending time together talking, looking at the stars, laughing, watching movies, doing simple things, and all i got was someone who always came to me to pretend to be the person i always wanted, always coming to me just so i can satisfy his needs for hours, forcing myself to do those things, just so i could see him happy...what an idiot i was.

That was our relationship, just based in physical affection, just so he can leave my place with an smile in his face, while i was destroyed...at some point he didn't even have a proper conversation whit me, he waited for us to be alone so he can do those things, and all i wished was for him to get away...every time, Thankfully I realized that i deserved better, not a person who even recorded me without my consent and show it to others, not a person, who used me.

I also stopped trusting anyone the moment my supposed male best friend tried to r**e me as well, my female best friend at that time set me up and betray me, i went to her house to spend time with her, playing video games or something, what she did? She invited him and faked being sick so she could get out with her mom to the pharmacy and she leaved me alone with him, i was so stupid so innocent, it didn't crossed my mind that he could do that, i really though we were going to watch a movie while we wait for her, he got on top of me, trying to forced me, 2 times, i didn't know what to do, i was scared to death, luckily i have my phone in the pocket and i hit him with that in the head, and then i went to the kitchen to look for a knife, what else was i supposed to do? he calmed down and went to the bathroom to finish with his desires by his own, how disgusting.

I didn't know where i was, i came with my fake friend there, and i didn't know how to leave, my only option was to ask him to accompany me in a taxi, the least he could do.

The next day? i saw my 2 "friends" in the school stairs, looking at me, laughing at me....I've never felt that disappointed.

All my classmates knew me as the shy one, or the crazy one, or the weird one...there's always a reason for that, if nobody was going to protect me, then i have to do it myself.

Nobody really cared.

I want to be happy, but i also don't want to exist anymore, i want to succeed but I'm also tired of keep trying, i want to be alive but i also want to die, honestly.

There's more sad memories to tell, but that's all my mind could remember today. Now is time to continue crying while listening to sad music.

#sadnees #feelings #pain

[loulougoingsolo]

Don't ask why I wrote this (thoughts on the latest Ear biscuit)

It's been a good while since I've written down my thoughts on an Ear biscuit episode. I can tell you, there are probably dozens of unfinished drafts saved on my tumblr. I'm determined to post this one - if that doesn't happen, hi, me, from the future, trying to cypher why this text never got posted.

This was the rpisode after Good Mythical Evening, and, as we learn from Link, Rhett is still sick, but I think it's safe to say he's not premused quite as dead as he was during the Streamys anymore. Because of all of my neuroses, I've been genuinely worried for a few days, but I guess it's okay to breathe again.

So, Link was doing the podcast with Jenna, and I have to say, this was an excellent episode. The past few times when Jenna had been on the podcast with both Rhett and Link, the dynamic has been a little off, more confrontational with Rhett and Jenna teaming up "against" Link (which of course is not really the case, but because I tend to see things more like Link than Rhett, I'm often rooting for him). This episode, Link and Jenna have a great discussion as complete equals, and it is really enjoyable.

First, Link and Jenna go through GME and the Streamys, and sounds like they are both proud of Link's performances on both occations. It seems Rhett was pretty sick on the night of GME already. I hope GME 4 happens next year, not just because I've loved every show thus far, but so they get a chance to do one with both guys not sick, and with the technical stuff going as planned.

My heart kinda melted, when Link said he was missing "his dude" at the Streamys, and turns out he had talked about what to say on stage with Rhett. The way he presented Mr Beast's award was epic, but apparently, had they won Show of the Year, something even better would have happened. Next year, maybe.

So, the majority of this episode is dedicated to a solo camping trip Link made (with Jasper) during their summer break. He compares notes with Jenna on why they both enjoy solo travels, and talk about things you gotta do to stay safe while staying in the wilderness alone.

The reason I ended up writing my thoughts about this episode, in particular, is that listening to Link and Jenna talk about how freeing solitude is. I got envious.

The reason I've been so absent from Tumblr and everything else is that with my parents getting older, a lot of my time these days involves me doing things for them. My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last year, and he no longer has his driver's licence. My mom has had some pretty major health scares in the past year, and it's near a miracle she is currently alive and actually physically functional. As if these things weren't enough, my sister was diagnosed with cancer, went through surgery, chemo and radiation therapy in the past year, too. She is doing better, now, but with my parents and my sister all struggling, I've suddenly ended up being very necessary. And that means, the most time I've had for myself in the past few months has been two days at most, but usually, not a day goes by without someone needing my help. And, I could really use a solo trip right about now.

Link talked about how being alone gave him a sense of being fully in control, and that made him happy. And for Jenna, solitude meant freedom. I can relate to both of these feelings. I've never really been able to be truly myself when other people are around, and it can be really suffocating. For me, it took a world wide pandemic to figure out that I actually like being me, but the problems, the anxiety and stress, emerge when I'm expected to interact with other people. As much control as I have over my own existence, I can't control other people. I've tried, doesn't work.

I csn't wait to see the video version of this episode on Wednesday. Link showed Jrnna a video he had made while watching the sunset with Jasper. I'm not religious, nor particularly spiritual, but if I ever feel connrcted with the universe, it's when I'm in the wild, surrounded by the beauty of nature. One August night this summer, I sat in the dark, staring at the sky, searching for shooting stars. I was alone at that time, apart from a million mosquitoes eating my ankles, and at the same time, I felt free, yet not lonely. And then I heard something crack in the dark, and, because I was in my garden, I calmly stood up and walked inside.

So, yeah, after sll of this nonsensical rambling, what did I actually want to say? Enjoy the little moments in life, alone or with someone you love. If you can, go on a solo trip - and if that is not an option, go outside, look at the stars and breathe. And even if this text probably isn't the best ad for this Ear biscuits episode, listen to it.

#ear biscuits #eb 392 #link's solo adventures #link and jenna #freedom #interesting discussion #ignore my rambling

[romeulusroy]

you writing is so delicious so it thought I’d throw my hat in the ship ring. My name is Anna, my pronouns are she/her, I’ve been a card carrying bisexual for the longest time but I’ve also been giving serious thought to whether or not I’m also asexual so that’s a whole fucking mess. I really don’t have a gender preference when it comes to my dating life, as it’s pretty nonexistent. I’ve got pretty curly hair that’s hard to manage, and I’m slightly taller than average at 5’8”. I’m a film major (ashamed to say it but I’m more of a film bro than I want to be), my favorite genre is horror, and one of my favorite actors is Harvey Keitel. My love language is basically forcing people to watch movies with me. I love 70s music, especially George Harrison, and I play a couple instruments. When I travel I like to visit cities, and I always try to root out the best indie theatres. I like baking, and I’m pretty good a cooking, especially spaghetti bolognese. My sense of humor ranges from pretty dry to stupidly silly, idk my dad thinks I’m funny. I really don’t have a dream future, the most I want is the freedom to do what I love, whatever that looks like. I’m a yearner, big yearner and craver. What I really want is someone who understands my certain flavor of mess. Uhhhhh I have a scar on my knee from the last time I tried to walk in heels, and my hobbies are writing and crocheting. As you can tell from this whole autobiography I’ve sent you I’m quite wordy and I like to hear myself talk.

I’m also literally in love with you and your blog, peace and love

Hi my love! I ship you with: Greg Hirsch!!!

He loves your height. Greg is quite tall and finds that having a shorter partner just doesn't work out. He especially loves when you wear heels, making you even taller. It's the perfect height for forehead and top of the head kisses, his favorite. He also loves your cooking skills. Greg is still trying to figure out how to be an adult. He finally has an adult apartment and a corporate job, but he's pretty bad when it comes to cooking and food shopping in general. Watching you is like watching magic. The first and last time he tried to cook for you, the pasta was totally overcooked and congealed into one mass lump. You tried to make him feel better about it, but he could tell by the look on your face it was not as good as you said it was.

You love how flustered he is. Of course he can't help it, but you really do adore it. it gets worse when you're around. Not only is he tripping over his words, but his own feet, too. He becomes this gangly, clumsy mess of a person when he sees you, walking into glass doors and spilling his coffee all over himself. At first you think you're bad luck, even going so far as to avoid him, but he seeks you out. Whatever disaster that occurs in your presence is totally worth it if he gets to spend a few minutes with you around the office between meetings.

Your relationship is clumsy. You know what you want, what you yearn for, and Greg is more than happy to come along for the ride. There's always a hiccup, a bump in the road, there is something that always goes wrong, but the two of you can typically shrug it off and laugh. Nothing gets taken too seriously. He learns from you that not everything is the end of the world and that there's more to life than the stress of dealing with his family and all their drama.

Your first date is to a horror movie. Greg is pretty jumpy and can't stand when the music gets higher and faster, but nothing has jumped out yet. But, he knows that you love them, so it's worth it. Every time you look over at him he's hugging the popcorn and covering his eyes, jumping at the slightest sound. You hold his hand, both because you want to and because you think it'll help. The grin that spreads across his face is so sweet. For the rest of the movie he's a lot more relaxed, even making jokes to get you to laugh.

Relationship Headcanon: Greg finds you hilarious. You're the only one who can make him laugh til he cries. Hyperventilating, struggling to breath, thinking you're gonna die laughing. That makes you laugh harder at your own jokes and there the two of you are, struggling to catch your breath, unable to look at each other or else you'll laugh harder. He has a good laugh, the kind that makes a joke even funnier.

Thank you my love!!! Hope you like it! 💜💜💜

#greg hirsch #kaitbishop-ships #ships are closed!

[havin-a-wee]

If Only She Knew

pairing: dad!harry x cheerleader!reader

word count: 4.2k

warnings: smut (fingering + unprotected sex), cheerleading position implies readers weight, 20 year age gap

hi! ive been having some really bad writers block but i wrote this and even though its def not my best work i like it enough to post it :) also, i totally didn't mean to imply the readers weight, i only realized afterwards, so im really sorry about that. also the age gap is kinda big, so if ur uncomfy with that you shouldn't read this <3

PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU ENJOY

“Geez watch where you’re going!”

You don’t even look up at the girl, recognizing her nasally voice easily from how annoying it is. You were nose deep in a book while walking down the school hallway, and of course your worst enemy had to be walking down the same hallway, at the same time, in the opposite direction. You are both at fault for the collision, considering Ella had her eyes locked on her instagram feed. But knowing the girl, there is no way in hell that she will take any responsibility, even though you are the one who has coffee dripping down the front of your white blouse.

Since middle school, Ella Styles has always hated you. You have never known why, but she seems to have a vendetta against you, and tries her best to make your life miserable. You never let her, always refraining from giving her the explosive reaction that she was looking for. And that makes her hate you even more.

High school is over in 2 months, and although you are going to miss the freedom of being a child, you most definitely won’t miss the people from the tiny town you’ve lived in since you were young. You’ve always been the type of person to have a small friend group, only 4 people in your circle. But that’s how you like it, because crippling social anxiety makes it difficult for you to meet new people.

“I- sorry.” You still don’t look at her, instead peeling the soaking wet top off of your stomach.

“You better be sorry.” She flips her blonde hair, ensuring that the fluffy locks hit you right in the face. You are lucky this time seeing as she didn’t take it further, because sometimes she would purposely embarrass you after small incidents such as this one.

Tears well at your waterline and you run into the nearest bathroom, pushing open the blue door and locking yourself in a stall.

After all these years of torment, Ella rarely was able to get to you. But sometimes, she does something that pushes you off the edge, leaving you with red, tear-stained cheeks. The final straw this time was her ruining your brand new shirt, the one you were anxiously waiting to debut at school.

But now there was coffee dripping down your chest and staining the bright white fabric. Your only saving grace is the cheerleading uniform in your backpack. In fact, you were walking to the locker room to change for practice, and then for the game at 6 tonight.

You had been excited for the game, knowing that Friday night games always led to parties and fun afterwards. You rarely go to parties of course, but the buzzing energy never fails to rub off on you. But now that stupid Ella had to go and mess up your day, you’re dreading seeing her smug face while she asserts her dominance as cheer captain.

You untie your top and rip it off in a haste, frustrated tears running down your face periodically. You could’ve put a jacket on and gone to the locker room, but Ella would be going there soon, and the last thing you want to do is run into her with teary eyes. She can’t know that you let her get to you.

You brush your hands down your uniform, pulling down the skimpy costume and stuffing your old clothes in your backpack. Once out of the stall, you pull your hair up into a high ponytail, reapply your lip gloss and walk back into the hallway, having already done your makeup that morning. You’re happy that it’s a home game today, because the home game uniforms are two pieces and the skirts are smaller than the ones on the away game uniforms. There is a certain someone you are looking to impress, and the way your tits spill out from the top of the outfit will most certainly help you in your mission.

It’s not like you need to impress him, because he’s shown time and time again that he finds you sexy no matter what you wear. And when he doesn’t tell you, he shows you, by pressing his hard on up against your ass after you just woke up, despite your messy hair and bare face.

However, he also loves when you tease him. And that’s exactly what you’re planning to do.

You sling your heavy backpack over one shoulder and trudge down the hallway, the old fluorescent lights practically blinding you on your journey. The locker room is dingy, smelling of cheap soap and Victoria’s Secret perfume. At least it doesn’t smell like the boys locker room, which smells like sweat and more sweat.

It's already bustling with people, your teammates scrambling to get ready in time as to not get yelled at by the coach.

“Y/N!” The familiar shout of your best friend Rose is like a breath of fresh air, and you bound over to her. She’s standing in front of your lockers, the two of you obviously picking ones next to each other. “Wait, why are you already changed?”

“The bitch spilled her coffee all over me,” you grumbled, your eyes shifting over to where Ella and her little goons are giggling.

“I keep telling you, anytime you want me to beat her up I will gladly do it.”

“Not that I doubt your abilities Rose, because I know you would have her on the ground in a heartbeat, but I can’t let you do that. She can’t know that she upsets me.” You lower your voice for the second sentence, irrationally fearing that she can hear you over the loud chatter echoing through the room.

“I still think you should let me beat her up, but you do you I guess.” Rose shrugged her shoulders and turned back to her locker, bursting out into laughter with you after a beat of silence.

The rest of the getting ready process goes smoothly, Rose distracting you from the girl side-eyeing you in the corner. Soon enough, the whole squad was in formation outside, and you have your hands on the shoulders of Rose and another girl named Bethany. You are a flyer, meaning that you’re the one who the bases support while you pose and flip in the air. Its a hard job, but you are one of only three girls on the team who is advanced enough at flying to be safe doing it in routines. One of the other three girls is Ella.

Ella is the flyer for the middle group, seeing as she is the captain. You are on the right and the other group is on the left. Luckily, Rose is a base in your group, so you feel a lot better putting your safety in the hands of someone you already trust with your life.

“ELLA! YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!” Coach Habbiths voice is piercing, her angry shrieks bouncing off your ear drums. Ella audibly huffs, displaying her frustration with the critiques she has been receiving since we learned the routine weeks ago. That’s one of the biggest problems with Ella, she believes that she's always right.

Every single practice she has done a needle instead of a scale at the end of the routine. It's aggravating for everyone, and that frustration is amplified everytime she makes the same mistake over and over. “Alright, everyone down. group 1 and group 3 take five, Ella and group 2 stay on the field.

The team obliged to her instructions, and you are brought down from the air.

“Okay Ella, I want you to watch how Y/N does the last move, because she’s actually doing it correctly.” Coach is standing in front of you now, and she emphasized the word ‘correctly’. This is much to Ella’s dismay, and much to your excitement.

Nothing brings you more joy than seeing Ella’s face when you one up her, and this time is no exception.

Aside from a few eye rolls and nasty looks, Ella corrects the move without much fuss. By now there's 15 minutes until the game, and the players have been warming up on the field for about half an hour.

“Did you see her face!” Rose tugs on your arm while you walk back to the locker room, water bottles in hand.

“I know! I should’ve taken a picture!”

“We can only hope that it knocked her ego down a peg.”

“I doubt it” Rose nodded in agreement and you continued your chatter, talking about the random things that best friends talk about.

“It’s go time ladies!” You jumped in surprise when Coach Habbiths yelling booms through the locker room, the hefty amount of metal in the room enhancing the echo.

In a blur, your entire team rushed out onto the field, the crisp air cooling your warmed skin. There was a huge crowd. probably the biggest the teams ever had. But that makes sense, because this game was against your school's biggest rival. Luckily, despite the huge crowd you were able to lock eyes with those piercing green irises you have gotten to know so well over the past couple months. Everytime you see him he gets more and more attractive, and this time is no exception.

At this point, the teams routine is muscle memory and you’re done with it before you can blink. Most people would think that being thrown in the air is memorable, but your main concern is the growing wet patch on your panties that spreads each time you squeeze your thighs together. Just the thought of the man is enough to turn you on, and now that you’re sitting on the cold metal bench your imagination has time to go wild.

The only thing that snapped you out of your daze was the eruption of appaulause from the audience, and the realization that the other cheerleaders were standing up and running towards the players. You breath out a sigh of relief, recognizing the cheering as a signal that the game has ended.

“Hey, you coming?” Rose tugs on your arm, looking down at you still on the bench.

“Um, actually I don’t feel so well, I think I’m going to go home.”

“I should’ve known. You know, one day you’re going to have to go to a party.” Rose places her hands on her hips, giving you a sarcastically annoyed stare.

“And today is not that day.” You grab your backpack and sling it over your shoulder, turning back to Rose for a second. “Have fun and be safe.”

“I always do.” Rose places a chaste kiss on your cheek before turning back to the gathering crowd on the turf.

Instead of heading to the sidewalk and walking home, you duck under the bleachers and walk down the gravel path, pushing open the fence that separates the field and the school. The contents of your backpack slosh around while you sway your hips as you walk. Finally, you make it to the back wall of the school, leaning your back against it and plopping your heavy backpack down by your feet.

And now you wait.

Much to your convenience, the wait this time isn’t long, only five minutes passing before you see the familiar man following the same path you did earlier.

He has a pair of brown slacks on, pressing against his waist courtesy of his black belt. A button up white shirt hides the tattoos on his stomach, but he's rolling up his sleeves as he walks over to you. He's walking with intention, hungry eyes zeroed in on you.

When he’s only steps away, you cheekily bite your lip and use your finger to push up your skirt a little bit more.

Your actions have the intended effect, his eyes blowing wide and hands grasping at your waist.

“Y’can’t do that.”

Before you have a chance to ask what he means, his lips collide with yours, his tongue slipping in only moments after the initial kiss. But as soon as he started, he pulls away.

“Y’can’t be teasing me on the field like tha’, had me hard next t’my friends.” His hand is on the wall above your head, and his other arm is wrapped around your waist pulling you into his chest. He’s panting, and you are too.

“Sorry Mr. Styles,” you push your bottom lip out in a pout, giving him the most innocent look possible. “Just wanted to wear it cause I know how much you like it.”

“Aw, my babygirl wore this f’me? Well I guess y’can be forgiven. Now let’s get t’my house before I fuck yeh right on this wall.” He places a soft kiss to your lips picking up your backpack from the floor and turning to the direction of his car.

“But it hurts!” He turns around again, giving you a sympathetic look and caressing your cheek. The rings on his fingers are cold, but you’re used to the feeling.

“I know sweet girl, but I can’t take care of yeh here, s’too risky.” He pauses for a moment, thinking of a solution to your not so little problem. “How bout I give y’my fingers in the car? Hows that sound hm?” You nod eagerly, pulling his hand down from your cheek and holding it. He takes the signal and begins walking to his car while you follow him.

You never planned to sleep with your bullies dad. But a few months ago your parents dragged you to a family friends housewarming party, and that friend happened to be a friend of Harry’s too. There were no other teenagers there, so your focus was on the attractive older man who had been checking you out since you first locked eyes, and after ending up in the upstairs bathroom together the two of you have been fucking at least twice a week. You only learned that he’s a dad when you saw him for the first time outside the party. He didn’t look the part, and you actually thought he was in his 20s until he corrected you. He’s 38, having become a parent at only 20 years old. Your relationship is a bit taboo, but you’re a mature 18 year old and you and Harry get along well. So well that your time together has developed from casual sex to a mutually exclusive relationship. (Neither of you like labels, but you’re basically boyfriend and girlfriend).

He makes you really happy, and when you have to face off against Ella, it helps knowing that you have power over her, even though she doesn’t know it.

“Did she do anything today?” Harry is walking beside you, hands still intertwined.

“Besides spilling coffee on my shirt, nothing much.” Harry sighs in frustration and squeezes your hand as a show of affection.

“M’so sorry, I wish y’didn’t ‘ave to deal with her.”

The thing about Harry and Ella is they can barely be considered family. Ella’s mom is, for lack of a better word, a bitch. She’s snobby, conceited, and rude, and those behaviors have rubbed off on Ella. Another thing that rubbed off on her was her mom’s hatred for Harry. Being young parents put strain on their already struggling relationship, and they split before Ella’s first birthday. Harry said he tried his best to make it work for Ella’s sake, but her mom was looking for someone to pay for her life, and Harry had just started working his way up as a businessman.

Now, he’s a CEO, but luckily Ella’s mom already found a new beau with plenty of money, so she didn’t come crawling back to him. However, the success Harry achieved only a few years after their breakup made her jealous, and so she instilled that anger in their daughter. So currently Ella spends most of her time with her mother, and when she is with Harry she doesn’t treat him kindly.

“It’s not your fault Harry, you don’t have to apologize for her actions.”

“I know, I jus’ hate tha’ she treats yeh like that.” He sighs again, reaching into his pocket to grab his keys. In a few more steps you’re standing outside the sleek black suv, walking around to the passenger seat and sliding in once you hear the click of the door unlocking.

You both take a few seconds to breathe, an unspoken gesture to prepare for the night's events. Harry turns to you, a sexy smirk plastered on his face. “What d’ya think about fixin’ that ache darlin?” You nod eagerly, sliding down a bit in your seat to give your legs room to spread. “Think yeh can take off y’skirt fo’me?” Your head bobs once again as you nod, hooking your fingers under the elastic waistband and shimmying out of the skirt. While you’re doing that, Harry turns the car into the deserted street, using only one hand to steer.

You toss the tiny skirt into his lap, giving him a signal without distracting his eyes from the road. He reacts immediately, his free hand coming down to squeeze your thigh. You mewl at the contact and bite down on your lip, trying to stop your hips from bucking up in search of relief. His squeezes move up your thigh, and finally his fingers press against your weeping cunt. Swiftly, he pushes your soiled panties to the side, swiping his fingers up your folds collecting your juices. You shriek and buck your hips up into his hand, but much to your dismay he removes it from between your thighs. The car comes to a stop at a red light, and Harry takes the moment to look at you, his eyes wandering your squirming body. He’s practically drooling when he places his fingers in his mouth, tasting your sweet wetness.

“Sorry pup, jus’ needed t’taste yeh.” He chuckles again, and you whine softly in desperation. In one quick motion, he dives his hand back to your pussy, pressing his thumb on your swollen clit.

“Fuck!” The pleasure shoots up your spine, goosebumps raising across your body as he rubs circles on the puffy button. “Harry- please,”

“What d’ya want puppy? Want m’fingers?”

“Yes, yes,” you breathe out, words barely comprehensible through your panting.

“Alright, alright, I gotcha.” And with that his two fingers press into you, filling your tight hole perfectly. There is no hesitation before he begins pumping the digits in and out of you and his thumb never lets up on your bundle of nerves. “Such a needy puppy, got yeh soaking f’me from out in the stands hm?” His eyes are still on the road, but you can picture the lust filled eyes that are undoubtedly on his face.

“Get so wet jus- just thinkin’ about you,” you gasp, writhing as his fingers slam in and out of you.

“Yeah? This is my cunt, m’the only one who can make yeh this wet, isn’t tha’ right?”

“Only Harry.” At your confirmation he speeds his hand up, your vision clouding with white spots as the knot building in your stomach grows tighter and tighter.

All of a sudden, he pulls his fingers out of you, leaving you empty. “Wha-” You begin to question him but you realize that he’s pulling into his driveway. Instead of complaining, you sit up quickly and unbuckle your seatbelt, pulling your skirt back up your legs to avoid being nude on his front lawn.

As soon as you feel the little jolt your hand yanks on the handle and you hop out of the car. Your brain is fuzzy with need and all you are focused on is alleviating the aching between your thighs. You hear Harry lock the car while you're on the steps, and you turn back to ensure that he’s behind you. And sure enough, he’s hot on your trail, just as eager as you to get inside and onto his bed. Your foot is tapping on the ground anxiously, waiting for Harry to unlock the front door. After what seems like an hour, he is next to you again, fumbling with the silver keychain in his hand, eventually unlocking and pushing open the door. You both practically run inside, hands roaming each other's bodies and lips locking as you shuffle through the hall.

You disconnect breathlessly when you reach the stairs, subconsciously wrapping your hands around Harry’s neck so he can pick you up bridal style. He does so hastily, barely a second passing before he’s plopping you onto the fluffy mattress. “Finally,” he pants, hands fumbling with his belt buckle. There’s a prominent bulge in his trousers, and although you’ve seen it plenty, you are always in awe at how thick and big he is. While he’s busy removing his clothes, you are practically drooling at the sight of his bare cock, full, heavy, and dripping precome.

“Harry?”

He looks back down at you with his emerald green eyes, simultaneously dropping his recently-removed shirt on the floor. “Can I ride you?” The look he gives you is indescribable, a mixture of need, lust, cockiness, and beauty all rolled up into one.

“Whatever y’want puppy,” His hands scoop under your ass, and he lifts you up and switches your positions. Now it’s your turn to undress, and Harry makes himself busy by running his hands up and down your torso. “So gorgeous, y’know that?” You nod quickly then pull your shirt off of your head. “Most beautiful girl in the world I reckon.” You blush at the compliment, butterflies being added to the many sensations occuring in your body. You straddle his thighs, wrapping your hand around his length and tugging a few times. A loud groan rumbles through his throat, and you smile knowing you’re the one who made him feel like that. “Thought- thought yeh said y’wanted to ride me pup.”

“I do.” You keep your hand on his cock, sitting up on your knees and lining him up with your weeping cunt. All at once, your body is put at ease as his cock fills you up perfectly. He bottoms out inside of you, both of you moaning and groaning while you adjust. “So big-” Your words come out in choppy pants, the syllables being cut off by your heaves. You suck in one deep breath and move upwards, sinking back down onto him quickly. His large hands hold a tight grip on your waist, guiding you up and down his member. His lips attach to your neck, suckling on the supple skin just enough so that it doesn’t bruise.

“What a dirty little puppy you are,” he growls, eyes focusing heavily on where your bodies connect, watching himself disappear inside of you as you bounce up and down on his cock.

“Feel so full-” Tingles ricochet down every part of your body, and your legs are becoming weaker with each movement. Harry can feel your movement faltering, so his hips thrust upwards to meet yours, fucking you from underneath. “Harry!”

“I know pup, I know.” His thumb strokes your cheek and he leans in for another kiss, devouring your plump lips and swirling his tongue around yours. “So fuckin tight,” The words tumble from his mouth in a low growl, which sends the butterflies in your stomach into a frenzy. His cock twitches inside of you, encouraging you to muster all your energy and finish both of you off. Adrenaline kicks in and your strength returns, riding him faster and harder than before. “Let go f’me Y/N.” It only takes a few more thrusts for you to come undone, Harry’s orgasm following suit. The waves of pleasure roll through your body, and you throw your head back in ecstasy as you allow the feeling to overcome your body. Spurts of his hot cum cover your velvety walls and you ride out your orgasms together, resting your foreheads against one another.

You end up sleeping at his house, feeling safe knowing that Ella is staying with her mom today. It’s normal for you to sleep at his place, seeing as both of you are usually so tired that you pass out before you can leave. What isn’t normal is for you to be woken up in the morning by Harry’s phone ringing. Harry is a deep sleeper, and you laugh at the sight of him conked out while his ringtone blares on the nightstand just a few inches away. Carefully, you reach over his sleeping body and grab the phone, planning on hanging it up and going back to bed. However, when you saw that it was Ella calling, you changed your mind. Making a split second decision, you slide the icon to the right, holding it up to your ear.

“Hello?” Her whiney voice rings through your eardrum and you wince. Not the nicest thing to be woken up to.

“Hello,” you answer, your voice not reflecting the cocky grin that spread across your face.

“Who the hell is this!” she shrieks, and you make a mental note that she must not be a morning person.

“A friend of your dads.” Your response is once again calm and monotone, trying to stifle the laugh that is bubbling in your throat.

“Ugh! What’s your name?”

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N”

#harry styles smut #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles blurb #harry styles fic #harry styles imagine #harry styles story #harry styles one shot #harry styles writing #harry styles blog #harry styles headcannon #harry styles au #dad!harry #one direction smut #one direction fanfiction

[ariesjupiter]

Mitski Birth Chart Reading

This is just my interpretation based on Mitski’s birth chart and what I know of her music. Let me know if you have any suggestions of someone I should make a post on next! If you’re interested, I offer natal chart readings, just check my pinned post!

Libra sun: In terms of basic personality and ego, Mitski is focused on creating balanced, harmonic relationships. Intimate, one-on-one relationships are a major part of her identity. Libra is ruled by venus which represents love and beauty. After all, she is known for her lyrics relating to her romantic relationships. The lyric “I love everybody because I love you” is so profoundly Libra to me. She is friendly and charming. She sees herself reflected and other people and people see themselves reflected in her (for better or worse). Venus also rules the arts and Mitski is a natural artist in every sense of the word. Her music sonically is very unique, inventive, and creative as she experiments with mixing different genres. This is influenced by her sun in the 11th house. Sun in the 11th house also indicates an emphasis on friendships and memberships of certain groups and communities. It also indicates an importance of her hopes and dreams. Her sun in 3° explains why she is such a talented writer, communicator, and lyricist. Peak libra sun culture: “Young adult romance is the shit” (a real quote from the queen herself). And let’s not forget her iconic quote from 2016: “I’m a libra so my sexuality is essentially “you can really be any gender as long as you treat me like a princes.” Truer words have never been spoken.

Capricorn moon: Despite how personal her music is, Mitski is a rather private and reserved person, particularly when it comes to expressing her emotions. Also, Capricorn is associated with the father and she has been known to be especially private regarding her dad’s career. She is serious and intense with emotions but can sometimes get detached. The emphasis is on having control over her feelings. She is ambitious and a practical person. Her emotions are connected to her career. Those who do not know her well may see her as cold. In temperament she tends to be melancholic. Emotionally mature and wise beyond her years. Straightforward and honest with her expression. She is dependable, loyal, hard working, & realistic. Emotional fulfillment is often tied to achievement and success. Her moon in the 2nd house and 2° suggests material comforts make her feel safe. With the 2nd house being associated with venus, she is able to express her emotions in an artistic way. Could be protective over material objects. Sentimental. Music has a big impact on her emotions and mood. Peak capricorn moon culture: “I didn’t really feel anything. I’ve stopped feeling things for a long time” - Mitski, The Fader Interview, 2017. In all seriousness, I hope my capricorn moons are doing good.

Virgo mercury: Mitski is practical and detail oriented when it comes to communication and matters of learning. She takes the time to choose the right words to convey her thoughts. She is clear and concise. Mercury is in its sign of rulership here. Her mercury in the 10th house suggests that she will be known for her communication style. Has a lot of thoughts but is also organized. Analytical. Mitski likes making lists. Loves to give advice. Mercury is in 16° (cancer degree) and she has a soft spoken voice. Talks about the past and her roots (cancerian themes).

Virgo venus: In love, Mitski will assume a caretaking role and will gladly help her partner finish mundane tasks and chores. A devoted and faithful lover. Love is about the mundane and routine details of life. Love is about service. Acts of service tend to be virgo venus’ main love language. She wants to help improve her partner’s life. She is patient and observant. Values love that is simple and authentic. Appreciates a partner with whom she can have intellectual conversations. May have a tendency to be too critical on herself when it comes to love. Venus rules aesthetics & style and she tends to have a modest fashion sense. Mitski has voiced her interest in astrology and how she has asked people she’s interested for their birth times lmao. Her venus is in the 11th house, she treats a lover like she would treat a friend. In fact, romantic love probably equates to platonic love in her book. She has her venus in 24° which is a pisces degree, which explains this natural interest in astrology.

Gemini mars: Could be impatient because she moves quickly. Efficient. Has a lot of goals and likes to keep busy. She thrives when she talks to others and exchanged ideas. Likes to multitask. Very versatile. Probably has a flirty, bubbly energy when she’s attracted to someone. Attracted to intellect. Desire to see things from multiple perspectives. Gemini rules the hands so she’s skilled with playing instruments and writing. Likes to try new things. Witty and humorous. Could have nervous energy or fidget often.

Leo jupiter: The planet of luck and expansion in Leo is a big indicator of fame. Her jupiter is also in the 9th house and in 7°. Jupiter in the 9th indicates being born in a different country from where you reside now. Mitski is biracial and has lived in multiple countries growing up. She loves to learn, particularly about other cultures and ways of life. She is open minded, philosophical and values freedom and being independent. She attracts good fortune when she travels (touring!) and also when she focuses on partnerships/intimate relationships (7°). Combining this energy, Mitski attracts luck when she acts dramatically, demonstrates/teaches her knowledge, expresses herself artistically, shows her warm hearted and sometimes stubborn side, & takes chances, shows her bravery, and takes the lead. Be the Cowboy is big leo energy 🤠

Capricorn saturn: Mitski is responsible, practical, goal-oriented, and cautious. With saturn in the 3rd house, she probably had to grow up quickly and become mature at a young age. Capricorn saturn people tend to be very successful people. Strong willed. Tendency to be quiet and is a good listener. Could also be outspoken. With saturn in 18° (virgo degree), she’s very hard working but she may need to learn how to take a break and let herself rest and recharge.

Capricorn uranus: This placement also indicates that she goes after her goals and is efficient and practical in achieving them. Uranus being in the 2nd house shows that she could make money from being unique and groundbreaking. 2nd house also rules the voice! Her values are unique and she could be resistant to change them. Her self esteem could be in a constant state of flux and be tied to money. Her income could rapidly change, like maybe she did not get paid much but then suddenly she starts making a lot of money. Uranus is in 5° which is a fame degree. She’s famous for being authentically herself and very much an individual in the industry that can’t be compared.

Capricorn neptune: Capricorn neptunes are most likely realists. She is skilled at going after her dreams. Her dreams are practical and connected to themes of wealth, power, and control. Neptune in 3rd house shows a dreamy, poetic way of communicating. A very creative placement. Dreamy vibes. Could be elusive in communication, open for interpretation. Neptune is in 11° so this gives aquarian energy. Idealistic with friends and always searching for ways to achieve her dreams.

Scorpio pluto: Her power lies in her ability to analayze human interactions and be introspective with herself since it’s in the 1st house. She is very self aware. Mitski understands that life is about going through changes and she welcomes the ability to grow and rebuild. She has intense, deep emotions but has control over them and how she expresses them. Pluto in 16° adds a cancerian energy. Her strength lies in her ability to nurture and be empathetic.

Scorpio rising: First impressions of Mitski can be that she’s mysterious and secretive. A powerful and intimidating presence. This explains to me why she loves dressing in black. She probably has a strong dislike for anything superficial. She likes to get to know people on a deeper level and connect with them. She likes honesty and is probably very perceptive and intuitive. Privacy is so important to her! She has a lot of layers and wants people to unpack them, but it may take her a while to open up. She is powerful and has endurance. Her presence leaves an impact on people. Loyalty and intimacy is important. She’s not afraid to talk about taboo topics or scary, heavier emotions. Passionate and even a tendency to get fixed on or obsessed with something or someone. Her rising is in 15° (gemini degree) so she’s clever, curious, and thinks quickly. a little more flexible than a regular Scorpio rising would be.

Leo midheaven: People might see her as dramatic or arrogant. In the public eye, she was meant to be a performer. At her concerts she’s known for putting on a good show & includes interpretive dance and choreography. She becomes herself more when she’s on stage. The stage is where she shines. Has a lot of pride connected to her career. Reputation for creatively expressing herself and being brave and taking risks. Wants to be admired, especially regarding her career. Her purpose is to become a leader. Mc in 22° (capricorn degree) shows that she is a very hard worker when it comes to her career. She won’t let anyone stop her when it comes to achievement and success in her field. Another indicator of being at the top of her career and being publicly recognized for it!

TLDR: Mitski is a natural born singer, performer and artist. She is unique, talented, and an introspective writer. Being earth and water dominant, she balances practicality & stability with sentimentality & raw emotion. With all of her Capricorn placements, she is grounded and doesn’t let fame get to her head. Her chart ruler is Scorpio pluto in the 1st which means that major transformations will be a big theme in her life, especially regarding herself & her identity. She is always reflecting and looking at herself on a deep level.

#mitski #astrology #astro blog #astroblr #astro community #astro notes #astro observations #astrology observations #astrology notes #birth chart #natal chart #birth chart reading #natal chart reading #libra sun #capricorn moon #scorpio rising #celeb charts #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces #working for the knife

[nastybuckybarnes]

Deep End  -  Four

Pairing: Dark!Steve Rogers X Reader

Summary: He’s back. After all your best efforts at getting away, he’s found you again. And this time, he’s not letting you go so easily. He’s determined to do whatever it takes to get you to be his. Forever.

Warnings: Dark Themes, Language, Angst, Manipulation, Fluff, Smut, 

Word Count: 2.9K

A/n: Hello and welcome, formally, to part four. I hope you all had a lovely weekend and have an amazing week! I love you all very much.

Madness Masterlist

Bad Dream Masterlist

THIS IS A DARK FIC WITH SEXUAL AND TRIGGERING CONTENT!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!! 18+ ONLY!!!

~*~

You sit nervously on the lip of the bathtub, picking at the skin around your thumbnail as you wait for the timer to ring.

It feels like it’s been hours already.

“It’s okay, honey. Don’t worry. If it isn’t positive, we’ll just keep trying.”

Steve's words don’t ease your anxiety the way he thinks they do.

Your eyes are trained on the timer, counting down the seconds, though you already have a feeling of what the tests are going to say.

The alarm sounds like war drums and you’re racing for the row of sticks on the bathroom counter, your heart dropping into your stomach as you inspect them.

Positive.

Every single one of them.

Tears fill your eyes and you bury your face in your hands, shoulders shaking with sobs.

There it goes.

Your last shred of hope for gaining freedom. Out the window, just like that.

Steve’s arms come up around your shoulders, hugging you tightly.

“I knew it. I just... I knew. You smell different, your breasts are bigger. I fucking knew it.”

He nudges his nose against your cheek until you finally tilt your head back, and then his lips are on yours.

You don't fight him, too hopeless to even try anymore.

Your tears are salty, you can taste them on his lips, but he doesn’t seem bothered at all by them. No, he still kisses you, walks you out of the bathroom towards the bed.

He helps you out of your clothes, his hands groping and squeezing every inch of you as if he’s never felt you before, as if you’re the first woman he’s touched in forever.

The tears are steady, continuing down your face as he pushes you gently onto the bed, his lips trailing over your inner thighs while his eyes raise to yours.

“We’re gonna have another baby, honey. I always knew your body was perfect. Absolutely made for me. And now you’re gonna give me another baby. You’re gonna grow all nice and round...” He trails off, his eyes dark and full of lust as he gazes down at your stomach as if picturing you pregnant again.

“C’mon, darling. We need to celebrate.” He sheds his clothes so that you’re both naked, his warm body pressed tightly against yours, though it does little to quell the shivers of distress rolling down your spine.

Pregnant. Again.

He places kiss after kiss onto your neck, trailing down to your breasts and halting there.

“Can’t wait for you to be nice and big again, all full and round because of me. Fuck, can’t wait ‘till you start makin’ milk again, honey.”

His lips latch around your nipple, sucking hard enough to make your back arch, a whine of pain and pleasure rolling out of your mouth.

“That’s it. M’gonna make you feel nice, honey. Gonna make you feel loved. You know I love you, huh? Yeah. I do.”

His words make your stomach twist in uncomfortable knots, and you close your eyes to avoid the intensity of his gaze. You focus instead on the feel of his body against yours, nice and warm and heavy.

One of his hands snakes between your legs, toying with your clit and dipping into your heat to prepare you for his cock.

“Getting all wet and messy for me, huh?” Your eyes remain shut, blocking out his face, the face of the man who’s done so many atrocious things to you.

He thrusts his fingers in and out rather slowly, dragging them against your sensitive walls until he deems you ready enough for him, though there’s no way to truly be ready for him.

He positions himself between your legs, perched on his haunches while his hands rub over your thighs gently.

“Can’t wait for you to have my baby, sweetheart. Gonna watch you get all nice and full, bring another life into this world for me. That’s what you’re here for, darling.”

He slides his manhood through your folds, coating himself in your essence before slowly pushing into you, forcing every inch into your tight wet heat.

Your mouth drops open, brows pulling together at the stretch of him so deep inside of you, pushing against every resistance your body brings forth. He forces himself into you until he’s seated comfortably, cock held tightly by your fluttering walls.

“Fuck, feel that. Feel you. So tight... tight ‘n wet. Fuck... Fuck...”

He pulls back then pushes in, each thrust slow and precise and far too good. You hate how good he makes you feel, how well he knows your body. You hate how good you feel beneath him, how right it feels to be with him, to be held in his arms.

And you fucking hate him for making you enjoy a single second of time spent with him.

His thrusts speed up until he’s hammering his hips into yours, each movement of his hips forcing his cock to press against your cervix painfully, but the pain is welcome.

It’s what you deserve for enjoying it.

A soft moan falls from your lips when he drops his hand between your legs, fingers working your clit with practiced ease.

He’s spent months learning and re-learning your body, he knows you almost as well as he knows himself, and if the only way you want him is physically then fine, but he’s going to make that want stronger than your hatred for him.

“O-oh god...” Your eyes squeeze shut as the edge creeps closer, each pass of his thumb on your clit and his cock between your walls bringing it so much nearer.

“You gonna cum for me, honey? Yeah? Gonna be my good girl?” You nod, if only so he doesn’t stop.

“Fuck, you feel so good, darling... so good.” He picks up speed, and you get lost in your orgasm like a leaf in a windstorm.

It picks you up and pulls you from reality. Bliss clouds your mind, your senses, and nothing matters except the rolling waves of pleasure flooding you.

“Just like that, honey... fuck.”

He drops his head into the crook of your neck, breaths hot and damp against your skin as he follows you into the blissful embrace.

His hips stutter to a stop, warmth painting your walls and filling you to the brim, just like he always does.

He pants against you, his mind consumed with obsession, adoration, love. He finally has you back in his arms. Finally gets to rebuild his family, get the happy ending he’s been craving.

He’s not gonna give it up.

You’re right where you belong.

~*~

He waits an absurdly long time before telling anyone.

He doesn’t want anyone to know, especially not Nat. Bucky, sure, he can know, but not Nat. Not after the way she kept so many secrets for so long.

It isn’t until you start showing -about two months after the positive tests- that he finally tells the two of them the good news, inviting them over to help set up the baby's room and have a nice night with his family.

Bucky and Steve have just finished painting the walls yellow, a neutral baby colour that you suggested.

Steve insists that you sit slightly outside the room, even though both windows are open and a fan is going, the paint specifically bought because it’s non-toxic.

But you don’t argue. You’ll sit as far away from them as possible.

Sarah’s in your lap, her eyes focused on the colouring book on the ground in front of her, her tongue poking out between her lips as she tries to stay inside the lines.

“Alright. That’s the crib all done. Honey, you wanna grab us a drink?”

Your head snaps up at Steve’s request, and you nod, rising to your feet and instinctively dropping a hand to your small bump.

“Can I help?” Sarah asks excitedly, bouncing up onto her toes and following you down the stairs.

“Of course. You wanna bring this up to Uncle Bucky?”

You pour two glasses of lemonade, one for the blond and one for the brunet.

“Can I have some?” You nod, grabbing a cup for her as she starts carefully up the stairs with the glass.

“Need a hand?” You stiffen, eyes slowly raising to the redhead’s.

“No.”

She sighs, taking a seat at the counter.

“Just hear me out, (Y/n), please. I just... I just wanna explain. Please.” You grind your teeth together at her.

“What could you possibly have to say to me? How could you possibly explain the way you betrayed me? Betrayed Sarah? You got my dad killed, Natasha, and now I’m pregnant again.”

She looks so lost, so desperate, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s her fault you’re here.

"Just please, (Y/n). Please.” There’s nothing you can really do to stop her. It’s obvious that Bucky and Steve would side with her over you in a heartbeat.

“I never breathed a single word of your whereabouts to anyone, I swear. Not even my therapist. I swear on my life, (Y/n) I never told anyone where to find you.”

You look up at her and shake your head.

“You were the only other person who knew where we were hiding.”

She lets out a shaky breath and looks away from your eyes.

“After what happened at the cabin I started going to therapy. Saw a good therapist who helped me get through a lot of stuff. James was going to therapy too, we were getting better together.”

You don’t think any therapy in the world will change the fact that James Barnes is a monster through and through, but you don’t say that to her. No, you let her continue.

“I started getting better. James did too. We got back to work, to helping people,  being the good guys.”

She pauses, sniffling then scrubbing at her cheek.

“I told him that uh, one of my friends had a baby and that spending time around them made me want one too. It upset me because that... that’s a dream that I’ll never be able to have. Or, I thought it was.” A smile tugs at the corner of her mouth, but it lacks any positive emotions behind it.

“He told me about this experimental procedure that they started doing in Switzerland. Reversals for female sterilization. Highly experimental but... he said I should give it a shot. The worst that would happen would be... well... no worse than what I’ve had to live with for most of my life.”

She crosses her arms over her chest, not in defiance but in comfort. Self-comfort, and for a moment you feel bad for her.

“I talked it over with Bucky. Told him about how much I wanted a baby, a little mini version of him or I, and he was on board. Said he wished I told him sooner.” She chuckles, shaking her head fondly at the memory.

“That’s when I left for that while, remember?” You nod.

She missed Christmas and you were only slightly devastated at having to spend the holiday alone.

“I got the procedure done. Was on bed rest for a while after and even after I was given a clean bill of health I... I didn’t want to try. I was too nervous. Afraid that it wouldn't work but more afraid that it would.”

She takes a deep breath, her eyes squeezed shut tightly as she recounts the events that occurred leading up to your abduction. Her betrayal.

“It uh... it took three months but we conceived. I was finally pregnant.” She smiles a tearful, wet smile at you and your own eyes prickle with tears as you realize that her story won’t have a happy ending.

Your mind immediately goes to the worst things you can think of, ranging from miscarriage to murder, and you find yourself wanting to call Sarah down away from her father.

“I was ecstatic, (Y/n). I was so fucking happy.” Her eyes are filled with a type of sorrow that you’re far too familiar with. One you’ve felt too much in your short life.

“I told my shrink about it, told him how happy I was. Bucky and I cried together when we found out cause... we were finally gonna be parents. That’s around the time when I started coming by more often. What, sic months ago? Yeah, right around then. I uh, I wanted to wait until I was showing more to tell you, but...” She trails off, her face falling even more and tears trailing down her cheeks.

“That’s around the same time when Bucky started seeing Steve more. Spent less and less time at home with me and more time with Steve. I uh, got a call one day from his therapist, asking if everything was okay because she hadn’t seen him in weeks. That’s when I knew something wasn’t right. We hadn’t spoken to Steve since the cabin incident and then Bucky was spending every waking moment with him.”

She stops speaking, her fingers trembling and her bottom lip wobbling.

“What happened to the baby?” You ask softly, needing to know who hurt her, who caused it.

She exhales deeply and slowly opens her eyes.

“I uh, I guess Bucky must’ve told him. And uh... if Steve can’t have his happily ever after then no one can.”

My heart drops into my stomach.

“What did he do?”

She doesn’t answer right away. No, instead she picks at her fingers for a long moment.

“Did you know... that drinking certain teas can cause a miscarriage? Because I didn’t.” You furrow your brows, trying to figure out what she means until it dawns on you.

“He made you drink it?” You’re not sure which ‘he’ you’re talking about, but you know it must’ve been at least one, if not both of them.

“The last time I uh, set foot in this house before that dinner we had together... he invited us over for drinks and to watch the game. He made me some tea and asked me why I thought it was okay to keep secrets from him. I didn’t understand what he meant at the time but... that hardly matters. A few days later I started bleeding. A lot. I was in the infirmary for days on end only to find out that he’d poisoned my baby.”

She sniffles again and wipes her cheeks with the back of her hand.

“After that, he didn’t trust me, only trusted Bucky. Went to my therapist and took his notes, beat answers out of him when he refused to speak. I’m assuming they bugged me o-or something. Or followed my licence plate, searched through my history to figure it out."

Her candy apple green eyes meet yours, vibrant and staring directly into your soul with passion and fire rivalling that of a forest fire.

“I never breathed a single word of you or Sarah to anyone. Steve figured it out on his own, after almost killing my therapist, and killing my baby. I never said anything, I swear. On the life of my child, I didn’t say a thing.”

Your breaths come in shallow bursts, anxiety spiking as you shake your head.

“I-I don’t...” She puts a gentle hand on your shoulder and nods, guiding you towards the couch.

“I’m sorry. But that’s... that’s the truth. Steve is a monster, and he’s got Bucky following him mindlessly. I don’t... I don’t know what to do or who to turn to.”

You open your mouth to speak, but the sound of feet trudging down the stairs cuts you off.

“Everything alright down here?” Steve asks, reaching for his glass of lemonade but pausing when he sees the look of distress on your face.

His eyes flutter between you and Nat before he takes a seat beside you, grabbing your hand gently in his.

“Honey? You okay?”

You shake your head, trying to rid it of the overwhelming thoughts.

“Mommy?” The three of you look up as Sarah bounds down the stairs, climbing into your lap.

“Where’s my juice?” You pick her up and rest her on your hip as you stand up, walking into the kitchen to grab her cup of juice and distance yourself from the people on the couch.

Bucky comes down the stairs next, confused and wondering where everyone went.

His eyes find Natasha’s first, the poorly masked sorrow colouring her features, and his heart aches.

Sarah drinks her lemonade quickly, making a loud ‘ahh’ sound once she’s devoured the last drop.

“Can we have pizza for dinner?” She asks eagerly, looking up at you with big blue eyes.

You swallow hard then nod, your eyes slowly raising to Steve’s as he walks over to you.

“Pizza?” You ask softly, turning back to your daughter when he nods.

“Of course.” She squeals excitedly, wrapping her arms around your neck and hugging you tightly.

You hug her closer to your body, burying your face in her hair as a tear slips down your cheek.

You knew he was a bad man, but you never thought he’d hurt a child. That would’ve been his niece or nephew, a friend for Sarah and your new baby. But no, he decided that Natasha didn’t deserve her happy ending, neither did Bucky.

Natasha is one of the few friends you’ve ever had, and the fact that he’d hurt her that way, kill off her one dream, is disgusting.

It makes you wonder what he’ll do to you, or even Sarah.

You thought hurting kids was something Steve would never do, but now you’re not so sure.

#Steve rogers #Steve Rogers x reader #dark!fic #dark!steve #dark!fanfiction #steve x reader dark fic #stucky x reader dark fic #Steve rogers x reader dark fic #dark fic #Steve Rogers x reader dark au #trigger warning #tw: rape #tw: miscarriage #trigger warning: miscarriage #miscarriage #Dark au #marvel dark au #marvel dark fic

[aspoonofsugar]

Penny’s Final Word

Cinder might have had the final word of the volume and that is a meta for another time. Still, there is another character who got to have another important final word:

Penny: Let me choose this one thing.

Penny’s arc has always been about self-actualization and escaping objectification.

She was created to be a weapon and everything was decided for her by basically... everyone:

Both enemies and loved ones alike ended up choosing for her multiple times, so it is fitting that Penny herself is the one who has the last word about herself. She makes the final choice that decides how her life should end and what her legacy should be.

At the same time, Penny’s final choice and sacrifice perfectly tie together all the major themes explored in the Atlas arc.

This analysis will try to explore her arc and to show how it is central to everything the Atlas volumes wanted to convey.

PENNY AND HER FAIRIES

What makes a person a person and not something else?

This is a key question in Penny’s story and it can’t be answered without addressing who her Blue Fairy is.

Is it Fria?

Or Ambrosius?

The answer is neither and both. These two characters are definately references to the Blue Fairy, but they are not the ones who make Penny feel human. The one who does is ironically a red fairy:

You saw my soul Through the nuts and bolts You're the friend I can trust Helped me see I'm not just a machine

It is Ruby’s aknowledgement of Penny’s personhood that makes Penny feel alive.

So, what about Fria and Ambrosius? What is their role?

Fria chooses Penny as the next Winter Maiden. This is a powerful moment thematically because it is an aknowledgement of Penny’s humanity. She has always been a real girl, a Maiden at Heart, hence she can be given the powers and protect them.

Ambrosius removes Penny’s robotic parts and makes the “real” Penny come to the surface:

Ambrosius: Okay, but if I take the robot parts out of her, that would leave...

Blake: Penny. The girl who's always been there underneath it.

Penny’s new body is human because Penny has always been human and has always wanted to feel human.

In short, these two moments are moments of recognition of Penny’s humanity. She becomes a human both in soul (Fria) and body (Ambrosius). In particular, she has always had a human soul and this is why it can be tied to the power of the Maiden. When it comes to her body, she aquires a human one because her new appearance is nothing, but a mirror of her soul.

Still, even if these two moments are both meaningful, they are also moments where Penny receives something passively. They are aknowledgements of Penny’s humanity yes, but Penny wants more. She wants personhood aka to live as her own person.

To truly become a person one must be able to make their own choices. And interestingly, Penny’s free will is linked to both moments with her two blue fairies.

Ambrosius’s magic does not simply give Penny a human body, but it gives her back her freedom. Not only that, but it makes it impossible hacking her ever again.

Fria’s interaction with Penny is more complicated.

First of all, Fria does not impose the power on Penny, but asks her to make a choice:

Fria: Penny. Are you the one?

Penny: I…

And Penny does so in a sense, but it is gray. Penny is given no time to think about this choice, differently from both Winter and Pyrrha. It is something imposed on her by the events:

Penny: But taking the Maiden power was the only way to stop--

Moreover, it is something she very clearly does not want:

Penny: I was the protector of Mantle, but now, I am much more than that, and I wish I was not.

In short, Penny’s interaction with Fria is a recognition of her humanity, but also a duty imposed on her by external occurrences.

It is not what Penny herself wants. To truly be human, instead, Penny should make her own choices and be given the chance to pursue what she wants.

Still, what does she truly wishes for?

PENNY AND HER JIMINY CRICKETS

Penny’s wish is made obvious since her first appearance:

Penny: "You called me 'friend'! Am I really your friend?"

Ruby: "Uuuum... Y-Yeah, sure! Why not?"

My wish came true That day that you appeared And called me friend

She wants friends to the point that Ruby’s awkward aknowledgement of their friendship is enough to make Penny completely loyal to the other girl.

At the same time, there are many Jimini Crickets that go in the way of Penny’s wish for friendship:

Penny: I've never been to another kingdom before. My father asked me not to venture out too far, but... You have to understand, my father loves me very much; he just worries a lot.

(...)

Penny: I... was asked not to talk to you. Or Weiss. Or Blake. Or Yang. Anybody, really.

Ruby: Was your dad that upset?

Penny: No, it wasn't my father...

Both Ironwood’s high expectations and Pietro’s overprotectiveness make so that she is not free to enjoy her own life as she wants.

She arrives to the point that she comes up with a plan to stay at Beacon with her new friends:

Penny: Ruby, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about. I want to stay at Beacon.

Ruby: Penny, they'll never let you do that.

Penny: I know, but I have a plan.

However, we never discover what this plan is:

This does not happen by chance and Penny’s plan is not a dropped plot-point. It is symbolic of how her agency is completely negated. She is objectified to the point that her story is interrupted before she can take any action. It is a meta-way to comment her character and her major struggle.

Penny’s first death is more than a murder. It is a way to refuse Penny’s personhood and agency:

Ruby:  And Penny… was killed… just to make a statement.

She is used as a symbol of Atlas’s shady research. Penny’s own self is forgotten in the chaos that follows.

The same thing happens in Atlas as well:

Ruby: I don't think Robyn was their target. Salem's goal has always been to divide us. I think Penny was exactly where they wanted her, just like at the Vytal Festival.

This time she is not framed as a victim, but as a perpetrator and used as the symbol of an authoritarian regime.

Her enemies’ objectification of Penny is made clear in many ways:

Cinder: I have come too far to be stopped by some toy!

Cinder: You’re just a tool to be used!

Salem:  Although he remains in captivity, it seems that he has worked with Ironwood to gain some control over the puppet masquerading as the Winter Maiden.

And Watts’s virus is just the culmination of it. It is the embodyment of the Jiminy Cricket trying to overwrite what Penny wants.

At the same time, though, Penny’s enemies are not the only ones who try to control her:

Pietro: I lost you before. Are you asking me to go through that again? No. No. I want the chance to watch you live your life.

Penny: But dad… I am trying to.

Penny’s loved ones have tried to protect her all along. However, this wish of protection ends up going in the way of what she really wants:

I've been combat-ready since The day dad made me Now I'll fight for something more Might sound wholesome, But strangely I've got friends Fighting for

What Penny wants is to fight together and for her friends. She does not want her life to be considered less than others’. Still, she does not even want it to be put before others’:

Cinder: I don’t serve anyone. And you wouldn’t either, if you weren't built that way.

Penny: That is not…I choose to fight for people who care about me.

In short, it is as Maria says:

Maria: Don’t you think Penny has had enough people telling her what to do?

PENNY AND BEING A REAL GIRL

At its root, Penny’s struggle has always been this:

Penny: I feel like I wish I could do both the things I need to do and the things I want to do. Is that normal?

She wants to reconcile her duty and her personal wishes.

It is her duty to accept the power of the Maiden and to protect it.

It is her wish to live with her friends and to protect them.

These two things end up coming into conflict multiple times:

Penny: And after the launch, I’ll return to help you all with the evacuation.

Pietro: About that, Penny. When Amity goes up, I think you should be on it with Maria and I.

Penny: But they need me here. Right?

Ruby: Well, if you stay far out of Salem’s reach, then she can’t open the vault. She can’t get to the relic. So...

Weiss: Maybe it is for the best?

Until the finale where Penny makes a specific choice:

Weiss: Penny, no!

If Penny were to act as the perfect Maiden, she would have just gone to Vacuo with the staff. In this way she could have protected both the relic and the power. Even if Cinder had ended up killing all her friends, Salem would have still lost.

However, Penny decides not to act as a Maiden, but as a friend:

Penny: You wouldn’t know anything about friends.

Even the reason why Cinder manages to mortally wound her is because Penny is worried about Jaune and Weiss and gets distracted for a second:

However, it is specifically in the moment of her death that Penny is able to make a choice to reconcile both who she is and what she has to do.

She chooses to protect the power:

Penny: She can’t get the staff..and the power.

And to save a friend:

Penny: I thought of you. And here we are.

Winter would have died without the Maiden powers and the same can be said about the people stranded in Vacuo. Penny saves all by choosing to be the one in control of her death.

Her choice is extremely powerful thematically and it ties together all the themes explored in these last two volumes.

1) It is a choice about trust:

Penny: Trust me.

Winter: Thank you for trusting me with this.

Penny asks to be trusted and chooses to trust as well. After all, this is what friendship is all about:

Attached but not By strings

It is a choice that uses the motif of “the part of you” in two different ways.

2)  Becoming a part of someone else can be seen as a reference to the process of grieving, which is one of the themes explored in this volume:

Grieving means to come to terms with your loss, to accept your feelings for the people who are gone and also their contradictions:

Robyn: Clover was a lot of things. You respected him, but I gotta tell ya, I think you’re the better Huntsman.

Vine: Then perhaps Clover was wrong too.

The lost ones will be missed regardless:

Harriet: Don't you dare! Clover was... He was...

Vine: ...Important to you.

Still, once you manage to finally grieve, you’ll realize the other person has become a part of you:

It does not matter if Qrow’s semblance has evolved, if it is a part of Clover’s power having stayed attached to the pin, both or if it is Clover looking out for them.

What’s important is that Clover will keep on living inside Qrow because Qrow will never forget him or what Clover has taught him:

Clover: You shouldn't do that, you know.

Qrow: Don't worry, I-I gave that up.

Clover: I meant deflect a compliment. Those kids wouldn't be where they are without you. You've had more of an effect on them than you realize.

Qrow should love himself. Only in this way he can stop being a self-fulfilling curse. Only in this way he can start looking at his own life with hope and wish for good luck.

Similarly, Penny won’t be forgotten and her legacy will live through Winter:

Penny: She's… gone.

Winter: No. She's a part of you now.

Penny: I won’t be gone, I’ll be part of you.

3) Penny becomes a part of Winter because Winter is finally able to do this:

Winter: But yes Penny, we must still acknowledge our personal feelings, wrestle with them. It ensures us that we're on the right path. It's what makes us human.

Winter is the one who taught Penny this, but it is obvious that through volume 7 and 8 she has avoided to face her feelings for both her family and Ironwood. By the end of volume 8, however, she is finally able to accept her emotions. She can finally follow her heart. Penny becoming “a part of her” is symbolic of this. As a matter of fact their dynamic has always been about Winter acting as “the mind” and Penny being “the heart”.

Symbolically they integrate because they both are becoming their own person even if in different ways.

Winter becomes her own person because she rejects this mentality:

Winter: Penny. The general is making hard choices so we don't have to.

Penny becomes her own person because she is finally in control of herself and her destiny. Moreover, she is able to do for Winter what Ruby has done for her:

Winter: No, Penny, you were always the real Maiden at heart. I was just a machine. Just… following orders.

Penny: You’re my friend.

She affirms Winter’s personhood and in this way she affirms her own as well.

In other words, this version of Pinocchio does not end with the protagonist being transformed into a real boy by the Blue Fairy, but with Penny transforming Winter in the Blue Fairy:

So “becoming fully human” in RWBY means to do this:

Qrow:  This last great creation would be given the power to both create and destroy. It would be given the gift of knowledge, so that it could learn about itself and the world around it. And most importantly, it would be given the power to choose, to have free will to take everything it had learned and decide which path to follow - the path of light or the path of darkness. And that is how Humanity came to be.

It is about gaining knowledge, like Penny does about feelings and relationships, loving life and accepting death. Finally, it is about making a choice, even if it is painful.

This is because being human is not always simple. It can be hard:

But I found that humanity It came with sacrifice

Having a human soul means you have a duty to do the right thing out of your own free will, like Fria’s gift showed.

Having a human body means you can experience the warmth of a hug:

But it also means you can be mortally wounded:

This is Ambrosius’s teaching.

Still, it was worth it all for Penny because she got the chance to meet friends and to feel alive:

An answered prayer A chance to Share the world To be a girl Who fin'lly felt alive

This is why her second death can be juxtaposed to her first one. Both times she was killed by Cinder. However, the first time she was used as a pawn in Cinder’s plan. This time instead she is not letting herself be controlled and she negates Cinder what she really wants out of her own free will.

In conclusion, there is this phrase by Jean-Paul Sartre:

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

And I think it sums up Penny’s story perfectly.

Penny does not choose to be born a robot or to be used as a weapon. She is objectified in multiple ways...

Still, she manages to make something amazing out of herself.

#rwby #rwby vol8 #penny polendina #rwby meta #rwby spoilers #my meta #qrow branwen #even if only a little

[earnestly-endlessly]

hi! hope you're doing well :) do you have any domestic!cherik fics? or established relationship ones?

Hi anon, thanks for the ask. I'm doing very well, been super busy because I'm currently moving but it's all good. I have plenty of great domestic/established relationship cherik fics for you. I hope you enjoy!!

Domestic/Established Relationship cherik

Daycare ‘Verse’ – orphan_account, pocky_slash

Summary: A modern AU in which Charles runs a mutant daycare and Erik is his long-suffering engineer boyfriend.

Runs in the Family – Anonysquirrel (chibirisuchan)

Summary: Alex knew his own reputation. Hell, he'd started some of his own reputation, because it kept some of the smarter thugs off his back. Everyone knew Alex's reputation. There was no way Hank didn't know his reputation, but he'd brought Alex into a house with some really expensive things and a lot of innocent little kids and his too-friendly, too-harmless dad.

But clearly Hank hadn't told his family anything about Alex, just like he hadn't told Alex anything about his family. At least, not about the brain-breaking parts of his family.

"I didn't know where to start," Hank said, for the dozenth time.

Gift of the Magi, But Screw it Up – librata

Summary: He doesn't know if he's buying too much, too little, or even the right things at all, because he's never entertained a guest as important as Edie Lehnsherr.

Making perfect – aesc

Summary: As is the case with most trials in Erik's life, this one starts with Charles gazing beseechingly at him and asking him for a favor. Not that their going-on-three years relationship is a trial, even though it started with Charles giving Erik the full benefit of sad blue eyes and asking him if he wouldn't mind opening his car door since he'd locked his keys inside, but still.

Continue firm and constant – aesc

Summary: Moira hasn't seen her old partner in saving the world from threats human and intergalactic, Erik Lehnsherr, for a few years. When she finally does see him again, she finds a man different from the one who's been with her down in the dark and the dirt and the blood... or maybe he isn't so different after all.

After School Special – listerinezero

Summary: Charles was barely seventeen and Erik was his social studies teacher. But after almost fifteen years together, does it really matter how they met?

Terrifying Domesticity – ishipitsobad

Summary: Erik is the most dangerous and notorious mafia boss around for miles, and yet the strangest things terrify him.

For example: his children, and his very pregnant mate.

Trying is Half the Battle – Pookaseraph

Summary: Post-Cuba, no divorce, Charles and Erik are in an established relationship and when Charles gets sick with a random flu bug, they discover that Charles can get pregnant. They then try to get pregnant, and try, and try.

We’ll all be gone for the summer – pocky_slash

Summary: Charles and Erik's usual family beach vacation gets a little bigger when they agree to watch Erik's teenaged twins for the summer. Charles is looking forward to a chance to bond with his step-children. Erik is terrified of screwing them up even more.

A Summer Day So Late in Coming – helens78

Summary: Fifty years after they fell in love, Erik comes to Charles with a proposal that rocks Charles's world.

Still Going Strong – JackyJango

Summary: Speaking of forty-eight, Erik hates it. Hates it even more that others are aware of it. While he’s pragmatic enough to know and accept that aging is inexorable, the increase in number gives the people around him the freedom to pounce at him with questions, opinions and advice he'd fought to keep at bay all year.

Besides, Erik believes that youth is a state of mind, not a phase in one’s life.

You have a child’s mind in a man’s body, Charles constantly tells him.

But despite his age, Erik is healthy. He works out daily. His muscles are steel and he can dead-lift four hundred pounds. He can break bones without breaking a sweat. Most importantly, he can still carry Charles to the bedroom and fuck him senseless. And as long as Erik can do that, he’s perfectly happy.

Before You Attempt Me (Fair Warning) – kianspo

Summary: Charles helps Raven get ready for the prom. Surprisingly, that part goes well. The prom itself not so much. Erik cooks a lot of unhealthy comfort foods and is incredibly patient. Charles mostly frets about everything, until Erik does something neither he, nor Raven see coming.

And now you will not be alone any more – pocky_slash

Summary: Erik gives driving, sewing, and cooking lessons, soothes nightmares, bolsters self-esteem, and still can't figure out why Charles keeps smiling at him like that.

Some sense of touch and a melody – pocky_slash

Summary: On a day when Charles, for once, finds himself saying the right thing to everyone he sees, he allows himself to be talked into a field trip to a local orchard.

It’s kind of our whole thing – pearl_o, pocky_slash

Summary: After two years of best friendship, Charles and Erik thought they knew everything there was to know about each other. They're surprised, then, when their first summer as a couple reveals that they have a lot to learn about each other and themselves.

Indulgence – grim_lupine

Summary: “The children are still asleep,” Charles murmurs groggily, flinging an arm out as if searching for Erik beside him. “The house is still standing, this is a ghastly hour, and more importantly, I’m still here. Why do you insist on doing this every morning?”

Your Father’s Daughter – ConsultingWriter

Summary: Wanda proves just how much she takes after Erik.

Pietro reeled back before leaning back in "They didn't tell you what happened? Wanda got in a fist fight and totally wailed on this guy, I mean, on one hand I feel kinda embarrassed for him, but it was so epic."

Erik's eyebrows shot to his hairline. Wanda got in a fight? That was....surprising, to say the least. Wanda tended to take after Charles in temperament and preferred talking to violence.

This Crazy Game Called Life – chiasmus

Summary: Raven declares game night in the mansion. Sean finds an elephant, Erik inherits one hundred unwanted cats, and Charles scars Hank for life with misdirected dirty thinking. This is five thousand-something words of crack with a dose of schmoop. I'm not sorry. Written for this kink meme prompt: Raven is tired of the boys going off to play chess (if they're even playing chess!) and pulls out a load of board games from one of the closets in the mansion. Madness ensues.

To my roomba with love – sareyen

Summary: There are a lot of things that Erik loves about Charles. He loves all of the obvious things; Charles’s kindness, his intelligence, his laughter, his eyes. He also loves the little private things; the way Charles sneaks Erik his unwanted tomatoes, his warbled opera singing in the shower, that sensitive spot on his hip.

And he loves the silly things about Charles, especially the way the man has a habit of talking to inanimate objects when he thinks no one is looking. Charles has conversations with the kettle, the washing machine, and their roomba – and every time Erik eavesdrops on him, he falls in love with the man a little bit more.

Everything About it is a Love Song – pocky_slash

Summary: Erik's spent fifty years being a figurehead and he's ready to leave that behind. Luckily, so is Charles.

(aka Old Retired Dudes in Love)

A Very Xavier-Lehnsherr Christmas – zamwessell

Summary: Erik is discovering new things about Charles Xavier all the time. Charles sometimes talks in his sleep. Often about food. Occasionally in Latin. Charles has a scar on his left thigh from attempting to demonstrate relativity to a girl by sitting on a hot stove. Charles doesn’t mean to be so loud when they make love, but sometimes Charles can’t help himself.

Charles is a voracious reader. Charles has an unspeakably filthy imagination. Charles will try anything in bed twice to make sure he wasn’t wrong the first time.

Charles is unexpectedly fond of Christmas. Perhaps that is not the phrase. “Unhealthily obsessed” might be better.

The fluffiest holiday fluff you ever read in your dang life.

Of Crabs and Castles – flightinflame 

Summary: Charles and Erik take their children to the beach. Wanda builds a sandcastle, Nina makes some friends, and Pietro gets some exercise. Some family fun in the sunshine.

Bring Your Daughter To Work Day – listerinezero

Summary: Charles brings three year old Lorna to class with him.

Glasses – grim_lupine

Summary: Charles blinks at him bemusedly, but Erik barely notices because Charles is wearing glasses— wire-rimmed, and Erik can feel the metal humming, traces without touch the way they follow the curve of Charles’s nose and rest behind his ears.

Genetics Isn’t Sexy – pocky_slash

Summary: Charles lectures. The kids aren't very responsive. Erik, on the other hand....

Peanut Butter and Honey (The Fairytale Remix) – pocky_slash

Summary: Once upon a time there was a Princess named Anya who lived in a house with her Daddy and her wicked stepmother Charles. (A wicked stepmother is the person who comes and lives with princesses and their daddies after their mommies go away.) She had a best friend named Leroy, and one day he was lost.

The Bystander (The Consultant (aka A Westchester Telepath in the Avengers Tower) Remix) – Nanimok

Summary: When it comes to Professor Charles Xavier, telepath, SHIELD consultant and compulsive flirt, no one is safe.

Not even the Big Three.

#cherik #cherik fic recs #fic recs #asks #earnestly answers #domestic au #established relationship au #long post