#i should have let him use the little tube to check out my throat but he said i have to take medicine to numb my nose

[thelaughingmerman]

I've had this issue with my throat for weeks and it'll feel like it's getting better then turn around and be uncomfortable or occasionally painful (mild like a solid 1 or 2 but still). And the doc told me if it persists the only way to really take care of it is a tonsilectomy, and im so nervous. I wanted to hold out and see if the problem could clear but it's making me so anxious. And thinking about having to go under is making me nervous. I'm just a ball of nerves.

#im so scared of surgery im so scared of anasthesia #im so scared of medicines ive never taken like what if i turn put allergic #i should have let him use the little tube to check out my throat but he said i have to take medicine to numb my nose #because its gotta go in through the nose and i started crying #tech has advanced so far but your telling me you cant just put a teeny camera on a wire and tell me to say ahh #its not like he was looking down my throat just at the tonsid

[le-92vi]

It's You and Me (Part 3)

Suguru Geto x Reader

Genres/Warnings: hs!suguru, biker!suguru, fem!reader, academic weapon!reader, mostly fluff and banter, slight angst, intro to yutamaki (the ship), halloween party(kinda?).

Word Count: 3k

Maybe you're bad at reading body language. Or maybe, he's bad at expressing himself?

Notes: I hope you enjoy this part! It's probably not as good as the previous part, but I assure you, good things are to come!

(Part 1) | (Part 2)

----

***

Suguru leaned against your front door. His boyish grin plastered across his face, completely dressed in his costume. He and Gojo had decided to dress up as Sherlock Holmes and John Watson for the party.

"How do I look?" He detached himself from the doorframe and twirled around to give you a complete 180.

You got hold of his long-bell sleeves, holding them away from him so you could get a better look at the little details.

"Not bad at all!" You were so obviously checking him out, and he knew.

And, you knew that he knew.

That was just what he wanted. Didn't he? Why else would he show up on your doorstep?

"So, you just need to stick that mustache now?" You let go of his arms and held out yours so he could hand you the remaining piece of his costume. "Does it not come with the adhesive?" You began inspecting the fake mustache.

"I don't think…" He shrugged, and ever so slowly, his hand crept inside his pocket to crumple up the little piece of tape. He was looking up at you from where he stood at your doorstep.

You held up the piece of mustache to his mouth, your hands brushing his as he tried stopping you. "Let me see!" You revolted as he ducked his head away from you. "You're 'gonna have to eventually…"

After his little rebellion, he stood facing you, unmoving, as you found the perfect spot to fix it on his gorgeous face.

"Hmm," You leaned back like an artist, admiring your masterpiece. Your hands cupped his face slightly upwards, as you held the tiny black piece.

You could swear his eyes were shining.

And this moment will forever be burned into your brain. Not many got a chance to look down at Suguru Geto.

"This is a little embarrassing," Suguru cleared his throat, turning away to look at his shoes for a moment before looking back up. You couldn't quite read his expression, but you could definitely see a faint rouge spreading across his face. "Do you have something to stick it on my face?"

You nodded and turned to walk back inside, followed closely by Suguru. "How are you, uh… going to the party?"

"Shoko's driving us. Me and Maki, I mean." You stopped by the living room, motioning for him to wait, while you got your eyelash glue to stick the mustache. "I'll be right back,"

But, he stood there, right beside you. His brain racked, trying to come up with any explanation for why he should be helping you. He felt pathetic, excited, and desperate altogether.

"I…" He began as he watched you walk away to your room, but his words died in his mouth. "I should help,"

You turned back towards him, head tilted at his unwillingness. "Help?"

His eyes wandered through the ceilings of your hallway before they finally met with yours, "Yeah, I'll just go up. Save you a round trip. Not that big of a deal." He smiled sheepishly.

You could only laugh at his stance.

And, his expression.

You looked at him with brief skepticism, weighing out your options.

He was a good friend, yes.

But, being alone with him in your room seemed a little too intimate, even as friends. And you were good at keeping lines drawn right.

"No thanks," You narrowed your eyes at him, "I just cleaned my room!"

"That was quick!" Suguru exclaimed as you stood before him, shaking your tube of eyelash glue.

"Told you so," you chirped. "Look here." you tilted his chin upwards so you had a better point of view to work with.

I'm helping him.

He's my friend.

You repeated to yourself in a miserable attempt to calm yourself but, it was hardly working, especially with Suguru's face barely inches away from yours.

His eyes were shut and, his breathing grew a little shallow.

"There you go," you said quietly, as you scooted away, retrieved a vanity mirror from your pocket, and handed it to him.

Suguru sighed briefly before taking the mirror from you, but that soon turned into a snicker as soon as he looked at his reflection.

You followed suit.

"Maybe I should try growing out a real one." He looked at you with a smolder.

"EW!" you shrieked, pushing him slightly by his shoulder.

"Why?" he laughed harder at your contorted face, rising from where he sat, so he was towering over you. "You don't like it?"

"Not at ALL. You look like you're going to start a Physics lecture."

"I do teach you Physics, though." he squinted his eyes at you.

"Gosh, what's with you today? You seem a little high," You commented, retrieving your mirror from him.

Before he could clap back at you with another one of his witty responses, the doorbell rang, followed by a series of furious knocks.

"Looks like Maki and Shoko are here," He cocked his head towards the hallway. "I should probably go too. Pretty sure he'd be losing his mind right now. Not that he has much, anyways."

You laughed, walking out to the door as the knocks only grew worse.

"The door's going to fall off." You mock shouted, pulling the door open as far as possible.

"Not my problem," Shoko shrugged, handing you a paper bag. "Gift."

"What is it?" You completely forgot about anything else, focusing solely on the bag in your hands. "Oh My God! DONUTS!"

But like the nonchalant, cool girl she was, Shoko only winked at you, with a little kiss. "How come you're here?" She tilted her head at Suguru.

"Just leaving." He greeted her and Maki with a collective short hug, bidding everyone a dramatic farewell in his next breath as he sprinted back to his house.

You looked on.

Why did he never greet you with any hugs?

You thought you and him were growing closer. Then why?

"Man, I'm THIRSTY!" Maki pulled you out of your thought train.

"Of course, you are." You chuckled taking her bag from her, inviting both the girls inside.

***

Twenty minutes into the party, you had already been separated from the girls.

Though you vividly remember Shoko wanting to get a drink for herself, you had no idea when Maki slipped away too.

You found yourself wandering inside Satoru's house, hoping you'd catch hold of at least one of the four. As much as you'd hate to admit it, the music was getting to your head, vibrating through you, whole.

You made your way past the jam-packed kids into the kitchen to get something to drink. From a distance, you could see many people hanging around the kitchen, giving you a slight hope that one of them might be someone you knew. But, to your disappointment, there was no one.

Sighing to yourself, you Looked around in the kitchen to find something that suited your palate.

But that didn’t take long as you found the refrigerator filled with drinks and a huge bowl of fruit punch.

"There are no cups," you mumbled, turning around to look for some when you found yourself trapped between the refrigerator and a very drunk-looking Naoya Zen'in. He was in your grade, and that was about everything you two had in common.

Never did you imagine a scene where you'd find yourself standing so close to him? There had never been a reason.

You halted, trying to decipher his low ramble but you couldn't. The guy was drunk out of his mind. You doubted if he even realized he had caged you in.

Naoya was infamous for his terrible temper as is, it wouldn't take a genius to guess he'd only be worse drunk.

It was only a matter of a few minutes for you to get as far as possible you could, without getting a rise out of him.

I'll have to give up on the punch.

"Um, excuse me," You sighed, ducking under his arms and away.

What a moron!

Sensing you move away, Naoya grabbed your wrist yanking you back in front of himself. "Take what you wanted." He grumbled.

"I'm not thirsty anymore," You tried brushing him off, as you pulled your hand back. You stood up straighter, causing him to step back as you walked away.

He called after you, a certain distaste settling around your name, "You’re the one that hangs out with those losers, don’t you?"

You rolled your eyes, "Did you just call Satoru a loser, when you're drunk out of your mind at his party?"

He sighed, holding his hands up. "Touché. I am a little drunk. And dizzy."

"Congratulations." He was most definitely not "a little" drunk, evident by his knuckle-white grip on the refrigerator.

"Can you get me water?" He doubled down by the kitchen island, wreathing in discomfort.

Let's get this over with.

"Fine." You sighed, walking around the kitchen island to the water faucet.

Still no cups.

"I'm sorry, Satoru." You mumbled rummaging through the cabinets for any utensil, till you finally found a mixing bowl. You filled it with water, slightly shy of the brim, and placed it in front of him, as he found a seat on the island stool, "Here."

There was no way he'd drink that much water but it was better than waiting for him to ask for another fill. He was visibly shocked by your choice but never commented on it. "Thanks,"

Fifty minutes in, and you were already contemplating ditching the party.

Naoya had passed out on the counter almost immediately after he chugged all that water. You decided to just wait in the kitchen. It's not like he could bother you anymore.

It was a good party. Well organized. Great food. But, mainlining tequila was just not your thing. Especially, not on a school night. There was nothing left for you to taste anymore, nor could you find your friends.

Sure, Satoru's house was huge but not seeing a single person you knew for fifty minutes straight was messing your mood up.

You waited, looking over your phone for any sign of life from your friends.

Maybe if you bombarded them with messages, they'll answer.

It was kind of frustrating how you were the only one left alone.

You typed out a final message in the group chat, deciding if no one replied this time, you'd just go back home.

Five more minutes.

You grabbed your drink and decided to wait by the pool. The disappointment was getting to you, and the room felt suffocating.

Maybe today was not a good day.

The clock struck Twelve as your five minutes were over. You scoffed, chugging down your remaining juice and thrashing the cup. "Screw this."

I'm leaving. You sent the message in the group chat.

The lights blacked out as soon as you hit send.

You felt a couple of people gather around you, grabbing your arms and legs as they hoisted you up in the air. You felt as if you were hanging upside down, as blood rushed to your head. The drink you just downed threatened to make a comeback. But, you pertained.

The whole scene was so stupid, you didn't feel an ounce of panic. Just embarrassment.

Of course, you knew who the four idiots carrying you were.

Of course, you guessed by this time that it was a surprise, though not anymore.

You chuckled as they carried you around like a barbeque skewer. You loathed that your hands weren't free so you could hide your face from this very embarrassing public procession.

You were literally swept off your feet. And you had no choice but to go along with it.

Slowly the birthday song began to play, as the lights came back on with each step forward your friends took.

You craned your neck up in  a miserable attempt to look around, only to be met by amused faces.

To your horror, they stopped by the edge of the swimming pool. They hoisted you up further, as they chanted your name as if you were Simba from The Lion King. The crowd applauded.

What is wrong with all these people?

And before you could fight, they dumped you in the pool. You grabbed one of their collars. If you're going down, you're taking them with you.

A blurry cry was all you managed to hear before you and your partner hit the waters.

Your lack of swimming knowledge bloomed in your chest as a terrible fright. The water messed with your eyesight, leaving you the only option to cling to whoever you pulled down with you.

 As soon as your body was in contact with his, you knew it was Suguru.

Maybe he realized that you didn't know how to swim and that you were panicking. His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you in closer, you were hugging-- rather you were stuck to him like a koala.

The anxiety messed with your head so much that you didn't even realize that the both of you were way above the water's surface now.

"Hey," He called out in his sweet voice, never once trying to let go of you.

Of course, he could feel you shivering from the shock.

It was you who pulled back. But, your faces remained close.

You didn't know if the unwillingness to let go was yours or his. His mustache had fallen off. Hair drenched, sticking to his forehead.

His face was so close to yours. If you just moved a little further...

"KISS!" Maki shouted, causing you to break away from Suguru suddenly. That girl probably had a microphone fit in her throat.

"Um..." You looked at Suguru, unsure of what to do next.

That sure was awkward.

"Here," He grabbed you by the arm towards the handrail.

"WHAT THE HECK!" You climbed out with a grin plastered across your face.

They were still by the edge, grinning back at you like idiots. Satoru passed you a towel. "If it was a bit too much..."

You began to shake your head in denial, to tell him it was cool, but he looked at you with a funky expression, "I don't care!", and stuck out his tongue at you.

You huffed.

Suguru struck the back of Satoru's head, as he emerged from the pool, "Where's my towel?"

"Who told you to dive in with her?" Satoru shrugged in response. "Let's eat cake, shall we?" He turned to you and the girls, completely ignoring him.

You looked at Suguru with distress.

It was your fault, after all, that he was soaked.

What if he falls sick because of this?

You draped your towel around him. "Can't die right before finals now, can you?"

"Speak for yourself." He looked at you, then your dress, handing the towel back to you. "I have a coat. Drenched, but a coat nonetheless. But, you?"

You tried to revolt, mentioning how he should hold you responsible in some way or the other.

But, gosh, he was so cruel!

He snatched the towel from you, throwing it over your head, he pulled you closer to him by a fraction. "Come to me when you want to go home."

You cut the cake your friends prepared for you. And, soon everyone else resumed their businesses.

You noticed one of the guys standing near Maki. He watched you cut your cake.

And all the while he stood with your group of friends, unmoving. He seemed meek.

You raised your eyebrows at Maki, hoping she'd clear the situation. He was stuck to her, after all.

"Right!" She exclaimed, following your eyes. "Meet Okkotsu. He's Gojo's cousin."

"Hi," He chirped without missing a beat. "Happy birthday!"

"Oh, Hi! Thank you," You replied, trying your best to keep the vibe pleasant. But, something felt off.

 Your gaze shifted back and forth between the two of them, momentarily, before resting on Maki.

You were going to grill the heck out of her tomorrow.

***

Your friends cheered at the top of their lungs as you downed your fourth shot of the night and slammed the glass on the table with a sigh. You were drinking with a purpose and, you were resolute on achieving it.

"Who are you, and what have you done to my roommate?" Nobara exclaimed as her arm flung around your shoulder, and her other cradled your face in a side hug. Yuuji, your classmate, looked slightly concerned but never commented on it, and Megumi seemed embarrassed just to be seen out and about with the three of you.

From a third person's point of view, it would've seemed like you had been dumped by your one true love, in the cruelest way imaginable to mankind.

But you weren't.

You were just celebrating frickin' New Year's Day with your new friends from college.

And, not to be mistaken, they were great. All three of them. In their different ways.

But nothing can ever replace home, can it?

For the past two days, you four had been out and about, partying.

Diner after diner. Bar after bar.

There's truly nothing more appealing to college students than discounted food.

The countdown for New Year's started, and your phone rang.

It was Maki. "I bet you forgot all about me, right?" She joked, in her usual sassy tone.

"You think, dummy? HAPPY NEW YEARS!" You cheered along with the crowd, while still talking to her. But, she remained silent. "Hey, you there?"

After a few moments of silence, she shrieked, "OH MY GOD! YES, YES!"

"WHAT HAPPENED?" You mirrored her excitement, trying to figure out the reason. "MAKI, SAY SOMETHING!"

"HE PROPOSED!" Her shrieks seemed more muffled this time as if her face was buried, "I'M GETTING MARRIED!"

And that one sentence sobered you up completely.

"OH MY GOD!" Excitement ran through your whole body like a current. "CONGRATULATIONS!"

You were almost jumping. Nobara too. She didn't even know why!

It felt as if you were more exhilarated for her than she was but, of course, that wasn't true. "I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU, MAKI! CONGRATULATION!"

It was a good day, you told yourself.

It was an effing great day!

Tags: @mandysfanfics

#geto suguru #geto x reader #getou suguru x reader #jjk #jjk geto #jjk imagines #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jujutsu geto #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jjk shoko #yutamaki #suguru geto x reader #jjk suguru #jujutsu kaisen suguru #geto x you #geto x oc #geto x y/n

[crystalninjaphoenix]

Awakening

Switch AU

A JSE Fanfic

WHO'S READY FOR A DOUBLE-LENGTH SPECIAL?! :D This fic is around 11,100 words, so it's extra long. As you can expect, so much stuff happens that it's gonna be hard for me to simply summarize it all. But it boils down to two things. The group enacts their plan to wake Anti up. While Schneep and Stacy try to distract Distorter, Jackie uses that new IRIS technology to venture into Anti's mind to see what he's seeing, and hopefully snap him out of this trance. No more talk. This is The Moment. Let's get to it.

More of This AU | | First Chapter | Previous Chapter

Everyone arrived at the hospital at around nine o’clock. They all came separately, with Jackie and Rama arriving first. “Are you sure you don’t want to, uh, see this?” Jackie asked them.

“I’m sure.” Rama nodded. “Honestly, I’m not sure how much help I’d be. I’m a writer, not a magician or a super-enhanced guy.”

“I’m neither of those things, either.”

“You’re the only one who knows how to use this MR thing. They need you.”

Jackie sighed. He knew this. And he knew that it would be safer for Rama if they stayed home. He didn’t want them in danger. Not to mention he was a bit nervous about leaving Michelle and Will alone. Sure, they could hire a babysitter, but it would be easier to have Rama watch them. “This won’t take long. I-if I don’t call you in an hour, maybe drive on over.”

“Got it.” Rama nodded, then leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.” They were going to need it.

Jack arrived after that, then JJ and Marvin, then Stacy, then Schneep. They didn’t talk much, the task weighing heavily on their thoughts. They might only have one chance for this. If they failed, Distorter would no doubt guard Anti zealously. Even Stacy showing up might not distract him for much longer. Jackie pressed a hand to his hoodie pocket, where the MR Headsets were awkwardly tucked away. He really hoped this would work.

Jackie couldn’t help but gasp when the group walked into Anti’s hospital room. “O-oh my god,” he breathed, and rushed over to the side of the bed. His eyes darted around, taking it all in. The bandages, the tubes, the monitors, the restraints. “This... oh my god.”

The others walked over slowly—though Marvin stayed back, moving his wheelchair to the corner of the room by the door. Jack crouched down close to the ground, and a green glowing orb shot out and into his outstretched hand. “Hey, Sam,” he said. “How’s he doing?” He listened intently to Sam’s mental voice. “They say that he hasn’t changed. They... also say they have a feeling like something big is gonna happen.”

Smart eyeball, JJ commented.

Stacy swallowed a lump in her throat. “Well... you guys should have your moment,” she said carefully, turning around. “I’ll wait outside.” And with her lines recited, she turned and left the room.”

Schneep was supposed to say that he was going to check on her and follow, but... he found his throat had closed up. When they walked into the room, no one else in the group had seen the figure standing in the corner of the room. The gray man who had noticed the way Schneep was staring at him, then gave a little wave and ducked behind the bed, out of sight. Distorter was here. Distorter had probably been here the whole time. And nobody else could see him. “I-I... I, ah... w-will go,” Schneep finally said, trying to hide how disturbed he was by quickly turning and hurrying after Stacy.

She was waiting just out of sight for him. The moment he walked out, she jerked her head down the hallway then turned and headed in that direction, asking him to follow. He did, quietly. Once they were out of sight, she whispered, “Jack told me there’s this room at the end of the hallway that’ll work. We’ll be able to see him coming. Or... you will.”

Schneep nodded. The two of them found a room at the very end of the hallway. A room without a patient staying in it. The blinds were drawn, but the door was unlocked. Schneep made sure to prop it open so they would have a good view of the hall.

Stacy paced nervously back and forth. Schneep glanced around. He didn’t like that they’d be distracting Distorter while in a hospital. He would’ve preferred that they take this outside altogether. But he wasn’t sure if Distorter would follow them, or if his commitment to torturing Anti would overwhelm that. Maybe Distorter wouldn’t even fall for this trap at all. Maybe he would realize what they were planning.

But then he saw the movement coming from down the hall. Schneep’s head snapped towards it. Distorter was walking calmly towards them. If Schneep didn’t know better, he might be tempted to think that this was just some guy in a spooky costume. But he did know better. And he knew to recognize the strange featureless features of Distorter’s face. “He’s coming,” he whispered.

Stacy stopped pacing, tensing up. She gave a little laugh. “You know... I wasn’t scared up until this moment,” she whispered back.

“It will be fine,” Schneep reassured her. “I will make sure nothing happens to you.”

Distorter stopped in the doorway. He stood there, hands loose at his sides, smiling as wide as ever. Stacy didn’t look directly at him—not avoiding him, but... she must not have seen him. But Schneep could. “So... that wasn’t a fluke, then, was it?” Distorter said, looking straight at him. “You can see me.”

Schneep stared directly at him and nodded.

Stacy jumped, going pale as she finally looked right at Distorter. “Y-you.”

“Me.” Distorter gave a little wave. “So... let me guess. You two are here to give your friends back there time to work. Time to try and break Anti out of my hold. Is that it? Because it’s a really stupid plan, you know. So obvious.”

“And yet, you’re here anyway, aren’t you?” Schneep pointed out.

Distorter giggled. “Because it doesn’t make a difference. I don’t care what magic you think you’ve found, it won’t be strong enough.” He stepped farther into the room. “Why not see what this was all about?”

———————

“I t’ink they’ve got it,” Marvin muttered, staring down the hallway. “I t’ink he’s left.”

“Are you sure?” Jackie whispered.

Marvin shook his head. “Can never be sure with Distorter. But... I’m almost sure. As close as I can be. It’s been enough time for him t’get curious.”

Jack let out a long breath. “You’re sure this will work, Jackie?”

“No.” Jackie reached into his pocket and took out the MR Headsets. “But we have to try.” He handed the white Headset to JJ, who carefully removed the bandages over Anti’s eyes and put the Headset in their place. Anti didn’t respond. He stayed lying where he was.

“Sam has a good feeling about it,” Jack said. Sam, curled up on Anti’s chest, waved their optic nerve slightly. “So... that’s a good sign. They’re going to try and help you as best they can.”

If something goes wrong, we’ll be here, JJ said. I’ll defend you.

“Thanks,” Jackie breathed. He held the black Headset for a moment, staring at it. No time to waste. He took off his glasses and put on the Headset, making sure it was secured. He couldn’t see a thing. And from what he remembered about this technology, he probably wouldn’t be able to hear or feel anything soon, either. “Press the power button on Anti’s headset. It’s right here, on the left—from the wearer’s perspective.”

“It’s on,” Jack reported. “There’s a little green light showing that it is.”

“Great.” Jackie nodded. His own finger hesitated over the power button. “Once I push this, I won’t be able to respond to you guys until you either power it off, or I wake up on my own,” he said. “And... that’s happening. On three. Take care of everything, okay?”

“We got it, I promise,” Jack said.

“Great.” He took a deep breath. “One... two... three.” And he pressed the button.

———————

“So... what’s your plan, then?” Distorter asked. “Do you think the power of friendship will be able to pull him back now that you have Jackie with you?” He laughed. “If ‘love’ didn’t work when his son was here, it won’t work with a mere friend.”

“Do you honestly think that we will tell you?” Schneep asked.

Distorter tilted his head. “No. But I expected you to think about it when I brought it up. And yet... whatever IRIS did to you, it made it harder to reach your thoughts. So I can’t see if you did.”

Schneep felt the breath knocked out of him. “Wh-what...? You... you know about...”

“About IRIS fucking your head into oblivion? Not at first. But it just makes sense. I’ve learned a lot about IRIS since they showed up here. And that seems just like the thing they’d do.” Distorter wiggled his blackened fingers. “They’re into that freaky shit, and choose their lab rats from people no one will miss.”

Schneep couldn’t help but stumble backwards. The fact that Distorter knew about it—knew about what they’d done to him—

“Why don’t you read my mind, then?” Stacy asked.

Distorter looked at her. “What?”

“You—you were trying to get us to think about our plan to free Anti so you could read our minds to find it,” Stacy said. “But you’ve only brought up Henrik’s mind and thoughts. Not mine. Why didn’t you look at me? I-I don’t have any of that IRIS stuff, surely you’d have an easier time there.”

Distorter kept staring at her. Stacy shivered, but didn’t look away or back down. “I told you to go home,” he whispered.

“I can’t,” Stacy said. “Not until all this is settled. This has been fucking haunting me for years—because of course it would! My family died! And you’re—you’re here. You’re still walking around, a-a living reminder of that, s-something that is still unsettled. Like a ghost.”

“So, like a ghost, you want to put me to rest?” Distorter asked in a low voice.

“...if it’s possible,” Stacy whispered.

He laughed. “It’s not, Stacy.” She flinched; he had never said her name before. “Something like me will never die. Will never be satisfied. Not until you give this up.”

Stacy kept staring at him. “I can’t do that.”

Distorter kept staring at her with those empty black eyes. That pasted-on smile, wide and unchanging, gave his face a mask-like quality. Was... that what it had always been? A mask?

Long moments passed. Stacy didn’t look away from Distorter, though she twitched slightly, an anxious expression on her face. Was Distorter trying to intimidate her with illusions that Schneep couldn’t see? Was he speaking into her mind? He had no way of knowing. He could only stare, tensed, waiting for Distorter to finally make a move.

And then he did.

Distorter lunged towards Stacy, and Schneep lunged towards him in turn, tackling him to the side before he could reach her. Distorter let out a loud shriek and twisted around, long nails scraping at Schneep’s throat. He hurriedly backed up before they could do too much damage, leaving Distorter to scramble to his feet in a flurry of limbs. “Ohhhohoh, so you want to be like that do you?” he growled.

“As opposed to letting you attack her? Yes.” Schneep raised his hands, getting into a defensive position.

“Fine. I’ll be like that too.” Distorter leaped for Schneep, animalistic in his movements, and the two of them went tumbling across the floor until they hit the wall. Stacy gasped and instinctively ran to the side, putting a chair between her and the conflict.

Schneep and Distorter struggled on the floor. Distorter lashed out at him, clawing and scratching and biting and kicking. Luckily his nails, sharp as they were, were not enough to get through the thick shirt Schneep was wearing. But that didn’t mean the blows didn’t hurt all the same. Schneep tried pinning Distorter to the floor, but he always yanked free of his grip, often with an unpleasant cracking or popping sound. So Schneep had to get more violent. He slammed Distorter’s head against the walls and floor, punching him in the ribs and stomach, stomping on his legs when they got too close to him. And, of course, he shocked Distorter. Over and over, causing Distorter’s limbs and body to spasm uncontrollably when the electricity ran through them.

The fight shifted tides often. One second, Schneep had Distorter cornered. The next, Distorter had leapt onto him and was trying to claw his eyes out. Schneep threw Distorter across the room and into the wall, but Distorter recovered and ran back, diving at Schneep’s legs and knocking him down into another on-the-floor struggle. Stacy watched it all with wide eyes, wanting to help but knowing she would just be putting herself in danger. “Wake him up soon,” she whispered under her breath. “Please.”

———————

It happened in an instant. One second, Jackie was sitting in an uncomfortable hospital room chair. The next, he was falling forward, rushing, bright lights flying past his face as he got closer and closer to the ground—and then he landed. He looked around. This was... a schoolyard. He would recognize one of those anywhere, though this was a lot smaller than the one at Michelle’s school, or even at the school he went to as a kid. There was a chain link fence around the edge of the yard, and in the far corner was an old playground with rope courses and swings and metal slides. The sky above was gray, cloudy, and generally gloomy. Kids ran around, climbing the playground structures and kicking up woodchips on the swings. They were all wearing school uniforms, red jumpers with gray pants or a skirt for girls. None of them could have been older than twelve years old.

Jackie stared at all this. It didn’t feel quite... real. Sure, the colors were vivid and the sounds were loud, and he could feel the ground beneath his feet. But there was something off... It was the details. On a cloudy day like this, he should’ve felt chilly, if not cold, but he felt fine. And he couldn’t quite make out what the children were saying. It all sounded like babbling gibberish. And beyond the chain link fence, it all sort of got blurry. He could see houses and a street, but it was like looking at them through slightly frosted glass.

Suddenly, one of the kids screamed. Not in joy, like they usually do, but in anger. Jackie’s head snapped towards the sound as he saw one small boy suddenly throw himself at a bigger boy, knocking him over. The other kids all immediately crowded around, and Jackie hurried over as well. He tried not to get too close, but he didn’t need to worry about that. The kids didn’t look at him. One even ran right through him. Clearly, he couldn’t interact with them... but he remembered from his research into MR that he should be able to interact with Anti. He just needed to find him. Maybe one of the fighting kids was him?

He easily peered over the heads of the smaller kids who were gathering around—some shouting for the fighting to stop, most yelling encouragement—to look at the fighting boys. The smaller one, the one who had provoked the attack, was hitting the bigger one at first. But then the bigger boy got the advantage and pushed the smaller one over, hitting him in the face repeatedly. “Hey!” Jackie shouted. “Hey! Stop that!”

But nothing happened. Jackie started pushing his way through the crowd of children, but saw that someone else was doing the same thing. An adult man, yelling “Break it up, break it up!” Immediately, the bigger boy stopped fighting and backed off. The smaller boy scrambled up. The man looked between the two of them. “Alright, who started it?”

“He did, professor!” the bigger boy pointed at the smaller. “He attacked me!”

“That’s not fackin’ fair you motherfacker!” the smaller boy immediately protested. “You started it! You called Mam a bitch!”

“░░░░░░, we dunnae use language like t’at!” the man—a professor, apparently—snapped.

“He did it first!” the smaller boy shrieked. “He called my mam a bitch and me a two-eyed freak!”

Jackie frowned. He leaned closer... and his eyes widened. The small boy had messy brown hair and two different-colored eyes. Blue on the left, green on the right. “...Anti?” he whispered.

He was far enough that he shouldn’t have been heard, but the smaller boy looked in his direction anyway. He blinked, looking... confused. No recognition in his gaze. 

“Well, ev’ryone?” the professor looked around. “Who t’rew the first punch?”

The kids all muttered things. Many of them pointed at the smaller boy—at Anti.

“Very well. ░░░░░░, we’ll be talkin’ to your mother after school.”

Anti clenched his tiny fists. “She’s not gonna show up,” he muttered darkly.

The bigger boy from before leaned a bit closer, whispering something barely audible. “Because she can’ bother for you.”

Anti screamed and whirled around on him, punching again. The kids surged away, looking afraid. The professor stepped in, grabbing Anti from behind and pulling him off the bigger boy. “That’s enough, ░░░░░░!” He snapped. “We’re goin’ to the dean’s office! Now!”

“What?! Hang on! Didn’t you hear that?!” Jackie protested. Anti, fighting against the professor, paused for a second to stare at him.

Jackie tried running forward, reaching for him. “Anti, do you know who I am?” he called, but—

All of a sudden, he fell forward. Bright lights surrounded him once more, and the schoolyard disappeared.

———————

Sounds echoed down the hallway. Slamming, thumping, various sounds of things hitting other things. JJ glanced nervously towards the open doorway of the hospital room. Then he glanced back at Jackie, slumped in his chair, and Anti, still unresponsive in the bed with Sam curled up on his chest and Jack hovering nervously next to him.

“If we can hear t’at, ev’ryone else in the hallway can, too,” Marvin muttered. “Really hope t’at people don’t go check it out.”

“Of course they will,” Jack mumbled. “They’re people. People get curious, especially when it’s something like that.”

We can’t have anyone walking in and getting hurt, JJ said. He took his stage mask out of his bag and pulled it on; it usually helped him focus his magic. Hold on, I’m going to ward all the other rooms on the floor.

“You can do t’at?” Marvin said, surprised.

In theory. JJ walked over to the doorway. He pointed at the nearest door and whispered something under his breath. A small sphere of blue light shot from his fingertip and bounced on the door, splashing and rippling across its surface. The sphere leaped across to the next door over, causing a ripple of blue magic there, too, and also spawning a copy. The spheres of blue light kept bouncing to every door, until each one was covered in an almost-imperceptible blue film.

“And t’at’s the whole floor?” Marvin asked.

In theory, JJ said. But they’re not the strongest wards. I don’t want to prevent doctors from reaching an emergency. It should be enough to prevent people from checking out the sounds, though. They’ll walk up to the door and think better of going out. But if there’s something really important, they’ll be able to power through.

“Sam, can you... tell me how they’re doing?” Jack asked. “Can you sense that somehow?” Sam swished their tail. “No, no, i-it’s okay, I know you can’t read minds.” Jack sighed. “Just keep trying to reach Anti.”

Suddenly, a scream rang out. The three guys’ heads snapped down the hall. “Was that Schneep?” Jack gasped.

JJ immediately started running out of the room, but Marvin caught him, stopping him. “Don’! You’re our las’ line of defense for t’ese two, remember?” He gestured back to Jackie and Anti. “You can’ be the las’ line of defense if you get yourself hurt.”

But Henrik! JJ protested.

“I know.” Marvin hesitated. “I’ll go.”

“But Marvin, your leg!” Jack gasped.

“Come wit’ me, t’en!” Marvin snapped.

JJ stared at Marvin for a moment. Then nodded. You brought the cards, didn’t you?

“O’course.”

Then go. Be careful.

Marvin nodded. “Actually, Jack, you shoul’ definitely come—at least push me down t’ere faster t’an I can wheel.”

Jack nodded. He hurried over, grabbing the back of Marvin’s wheelchair, hesitated a moment wondering if that was okay, then rushed down the hallway once Marvin seemed fine with it.

JJ turned back to the room, watching Jackie and Anti. His eyes glowed blue as he drew more of his magic out, prepared to protect them both if need be.

———————

Jackie found himself somewhere else. Unlike with the schoolyard, this place was mostly empty. It was a pub or bar of some sort. And not a nice one. The table surfaces were scraped up, as well as the surface of the bar. Small graffiti was written just about everywhere, on the walls, on the chairs, around the door frames leading in and out. The floor looked like it hadn’t been swept in ages. Grimy windows showed a view of a city at night.

Jackie looked around, and his eyes immediately landed on a man sitting at the bar. He was younger than expected—probably barely of-age to be in here—wearing an old black jacket and ragged jeans. Anti was the only patron in this shabby bar. Quickly, Jackie hurried over next to him. “Anti.”

Anti doesn’t respond at first, still leaning heavily on the bar. Then he slowly turned to look at Jackie. There was something in his hand. A lit cigarette. Though, it looked a bit strange to Jackie. He never smoked, was never even tempted, but he’d seen discarded ones all around and... there was something off about that one. Maybe it was just something weird with the MR. “And you are?” Anti asked.

“I-I’m Jackie,” Jackie stammered. “Jackie Parker. Don’t you—Do you remember me?”

“Hmm.” Anti blinked slowly. “Should I...?”

“Well... I-I don’t know, I’m not fully sure on how this works,” Jackie said quietly. “But yeah, y-you should! I think. Even if this is just a memory.”

“Hmm.” Anti blinked again. His eyes seemed a bit cloudy.

Jackie stared at him. “You... you need to wake up.”

“Heh.” Anti gave him a wry smile. “Why?”

Jackie was taken aback. “Because—because we’re all so worried. W-we miss you, you know. W-we don’t want you to have to keep going through this.”

“You don’t have to lie for me.” Anti took a drag of the strange cigarette.

“...what?” Jackie breathed.

“You don’t have to lie for me,” Anti repeated. “I know the truth. I’ve never even told you guys my name. Why would you care about some guy you don’t know the name of?”

“I-it’s not just your name, Anti!” Jackie insisted. “You’re our friend even without that! We know you! We—we know that you’re a good man—”

Anti barked out a laugh. “I’ve really managed to fool you all, haven’t I?”

“No! I mean—it’s the truth!” Jackie stepped closer. “We know you, A-Anti. You’re smart, really able to think out of the box with things, a-and you’re really creative too, though you would insist that hacking games isn’t a creative thing at all. And you’re fun to be around, you have this really sharp sense of humor that’s really great, a-and if anything goes wrong you’re really willing to go to bat for your friends. A-and you’re really good with kids. No matter how snappy you are with adults, you’re never that way with kids, and they all love talking with you. That’s why—that’s why Will got along with you, isn’t it? When you guys first met at the agency.”

“...Will,” Anti whispered. He looked down at the bar counter. “...They never should’ve let me take care of him,” he says quietly. “The only reason they did was because I fooled the background check. Not sure how. I guess they really weren’t all that thorough. Or maybe they didn’t care. That was a shitty agency, I wouldn’t put it past them.”

Jackie shook his head slowly, in shock. “You’ve... you’ve never said anything like this before...”

“That’s not the sort of shit you say out loud.” Anti closed his eyes and took another drag. “Go away. Leave me alone. I just wanna get rid of these thoughts. They’re... hot. They make my brain heat up. It’s from how fast they go, y’know. Not a lot makes them quiet. Listening to them does, but that gets me in trouble. Well... this gets me in trouble too.” He laughed, shaking the cigarette. “But at least it’s just me.”

“I... didn’t know you smoked,” Jackie said slowly.

“Well I do.”

Jackie stared at him. Then he shook his head. “No. You don’t. That would be hard to hide from us. You’re good at hiding things, but not that good. You... you must’ve quit. In the past couple years.”

Anti stared at him. “Why would I do that? This is the only thing that helps.”

“No, that can’t be true.” Jackie shook his head again. “You wouldn’t do that. You wouldn’t expose Will to that. So you must have quit. You must have figured something out.”

Anti stared some more. He gives a little laugh. “I... I think you think too highly of me.”

“No, I just know you,” Jackie insisted.

“...no, you don’t.” Anti whispered. “No one does.”

And before Jackie could retort, he found himself falling again.

———————

The battle was turning. Distorter managed to slash his nails across Schneep’s face, making three shallow cuts that nonetheless bled quite a lot, making it hard for him to see. They’d been fighting for fifteen minutes, and that felt like hours when you were enduring constant pain and exertion. Schneep was mildly surprised to find he wasn’t running out of energy—but his body still ached where Distorter had clawed and bit and kicked. Not to mention how he would sometimes throw his whole body at Schneep, slamming Schneep to the ground with a breathtaking impact. Everything was starting to add up. It was hard to keep going when movement hurt.

But Distorter wasn’t slowing down at all. Distorter wasn’t tired, and he wasn’t feeling the pain of Schneep’s punches and shocks the way Schneep was feeling the pain of his attacks. “Oh, someone’s hurting!” he laughed. “Someone’s slow!”

Schneep growled and sent another shock through Distorter’s body. Distorter jittered for a while, then recovered—faster than he had the previous times. Schneep felt Distorter’s wrist slip from his grasp—the sensation of bones grinding under his skin made him want to throw up—and Distorter punched him in the side of the head. Schneep managed to shake off the blow but it left his brain rattling in his skull.

“And I think you’re running out of juice, too,” Distorter whispered, smile widening. “Like a battery! Do you think you have some inside you?”

“Shut up!” Schneep shouted, grabbing Distorter by the shoulders and throwing him into the wall. Distorter just laughed and instantly jumped back, using the bounce of hitting the wall to give him more power as he tackled Schneep to the ground.

“Wonder if they’ll be disappointed in you,” Distorter whispered directly into Schneep’s ear. “Their great weapon can’t even take down one guy after five minutes.”

Schneep shrieked in frustration and jerked his head to the side, knocking it against Distorter’s. Distorter jerked back from the impact, giving Schneep just enough space to scramble out from under him.

Suddenly, Stacy gasped. “What are you guys doing?!” she shouted. “Get out of here!”

Schneep looked to the side, and saw Jack and Marvin in the room’s doorway. His eyes widened in horror, and he started to shout at them to get away before Distorter suddenly lunged at him again, nails digging into his skin.

“H-hey!” Jack shouted. He glanced around the room, then ran to the side and grabbed one of the hospital chairs that had been knocked over by the fight. He started to swing it towards Distorter—

“No don’t—!” Stacy protested.

—And Distorter leapt backwards, leaving Schneep to take the full force of the blow. “Oh my god!” Jack immediately let go of the chair. “I-I’m so sorry!”

“He’s too fast for us!” Stacy shouted. “I-I don’t know how Henrik is keeping up—”

Schneep pushed the chair back and scrambled to his feet, grabbing the chair as he went and bashing it into Distorter’s side. “Stronger than you two, I think,” Schneep gasped. “The chair just slows you down—” He suddenly yelped as Distorter grabbed his ankle and pulled, making him fall.

“H-hang on, Schneep, w-we’re here t’help!” Marvin said, taking his cards out of the bag attached to his chair and looking through them.

“Are you, now?!” Distorter laughed. “Why don’t you sit tight there? And you two—” His head snapped back and forth between Stacy and Jack. “Leave this to us!”

Suddenly, both of them collapsed, ragdolls losing all strength. Marvin gasped as he saw a drop of blood slip from Jack’s right eye. Distorter had done that! He’d controlled their bodies for a brief moment, just enough to make them fall like that. Hurriedly, Marvin looked through his cards.

“It’s just us now,” Distorter hissed to Schneep. He swiped his hands towards his face, but Schneep jerked his head back in time to avoid more scratches. But that was just to throw him off guard. Quickly, while Schneep was still reeling from that dodge, Distorter lunged forward, grabbing Schneep’s wrist. The two of them went tumbling, and Marvin couldn’t exactly make out what happened, but somehow it ended with Distorter pinning Schneep to the floor, holding both his wrists in one hand, knees pinning his legs. “Say goodbye.” Distorter’s free hand reached for Schneep’s neck, digging his nails into his flesh. Schneep thrashed against his grip but couldn’t break free, he gasped, starting to choke—

“No!” Marvin got up, dropping the cards in the process, and grabbed Distorter’s arm, pulling it back from Schneep’s neck.

Distorter looked up at him in surprise. “What? You—but—That shouldn’t be healed yet!”

Marvin blinked, and looked down at his broken leg. Or... formerly broken? He should have been in agony from standing on it, but it felt fine. Actually, it had felt fine for a while. He assumed the pain was fading naturally, but—but it still should have hurt when he put weight on it.

What happened?

In any case, Schneep was able to take advantage of Distorter’s surprise to pull a hand free and grab Distorter by the throat. There was an electric SNAP! and Distorter was thrown backwards with such force that Marvin couldn’t keep hold of his arm. Stacy gasped and scrambled to her feet. Jack did the same. That shock must have broken Distorter’s concentration. Stacy immediately rushed to Schneep’s side, helping him up. “I’m fine,” Schneep gasped. “I’m fine. It must look worse than it is.”

“Looks fucking terrible, yeah!” Jack said. Blood was dripping down Schneep’s throat in a steady river—or, actually, five small rivers, from five small wounds.

Distorter got to his feet, bones cracking. “Oh, does it?” he growled. Then he looked at Marvin and his grin widened. “Well, if you’re feeling better, you should make yourself useful, shouldn’t you? For your friend.”

Marvin blinked. Friend...?

Friend.

His vision seemed to waver, everything becoming blurry as his eyes lost focus. Friend. Friend.

Schneep went pale. “Marvin... don’t listen to him.”

“Smile for me,” Distorter whispered.

Marvin’s body moved without his mind, lurching for Schneep. Jack got there first, blocking him. Marvin tried to push past but Jack grabbed him, wrapping his arms tight around him and pinning his own arms in turn. “Marvin, snap out of it!” he shouted, but his voice sounded so far away... Muffled... Yeah... That’s the word for it...

“Schneep, watch out!” Stacy shouted, warning Schneep just in time for him to dodge Distorter suddenly attacking him.

“Schiesse!” Schneep cursed. “Y-you two take care of Marvin, I can handle this!”

“Can you?” Distorter grinned, and attacked again.

———————

For the third time, Jackie found himself somewhere else. But at least he recognized this place. It was Anti’s apartment, with the window outside showing the night sky, but it looked so different. There was hardly any furniture in the living room, pretty much just a sofa—not the sleeper sofa he had now—and a coffee table with a small TV on top of it—again, not the furniture he had now. The kitchenette didn’t have its counter stools... or anything else. It was pretty much just the furniture that was attached to the floor. Clothes were scattered around the floor, along with dishes, some of which were broken, most of which had old half-eaten food on them. Everything looked dirty. Jackie was glad that he couldn’t smell anything while in MR.

Anti was sitting on the floor between the sofa and coffee table, staring at the TV. It was on, but it displayed nothing but static. He wore an oversized T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. Jackie hadn’t seen him wear an outfit like that in forever. Anti was alway proud of his style. But... he did vaguely remember a time like that. And he did remember seeing the apartment in a state similar to this... though he didn’t remember it being this bad. “Anti?” Jackie called.

He didn’t answer. He just kept staring at the TV screen, rocking back and forth. One hand absentmindedly scratched his wrist—in fact, it looked like it had been doing that for a while, judging by how red and raw the skin was there.

“Anti!” Jackie hurried over, waving his hand in front of the TV screen to get his attention. “I know you can see me!”

Anti’s eye twitched. “Shut up,” he mumbled. “Leave me alone.”

“No! I will not leave you alone!” Jackie looked over the TV, found the power button, and pressed it.

Anti suddenly shrieked. “No! No no no no—” He reached for the power, but Jackie grabbed his wrist, finding that he could touch some things while in MR. “Stop it! I need it!”

“You need to stare at TV static? What the fuck?”

“The noise, I-I need the noise,” Anti said in a hushed voice. He reached forward with his other hand, but Jackie grabbed that one, too. “I need the shapes in the screen!” Anti’s voice cracked. “I need—I need—i-it goes fast, I need—I need—I-I need—”

“Anti, please.” Jackie knelt on the ground next to him. They were pretty close together. He could feel Anti’s whole body trembling slightly. “That’s not... something you need. You’ll just hurt your eyes. H-how long have you been sitting here? Did you eat anything?”

“I—” Anti blinked, eyes still fixed on the screen like he could make the static reappear just by waiting. “I—I—I—M-my brain—is stuck,” he gasped. “I—I—I h-have to—I can’t—think of a-a-anything else—”

“Does this happen often?” Jackie whispered. “Or... did it? I know this is a memory. It has to be. I’ve never... seen you do anything like this these days.”

Anti laughed. His eyes rolled back to look at Jackie. “Just because you’ve never seen it—just because it hasn’t happened in a while—” He laughed again. “Wh-why are you here? Why are you here?”

“I’m here to help you wake up,” Jackie said quietly.

Anti shook his head. “Wh-what if I don’t want to wake up? Wh-what if—what if you’re making a mistake—What if y-you’ll all be better if I stay like this—”

“There’s no way we’ll be ‘better’ with you like this!” Jackie said firmly. “You think we’d be happy to hear that you’re—you’re stuck in memories like this?!” He gestured around at the horrid state of the room. “This is fucking awful! I-I can’t believe this was—this was how things were for you! Anti, why didn’t you ever tell us? I mean, I remember you not having a lot in your apartment when we first met, but it was at least clean. A-and at least Volt and I were able to help you out. Even if you grumbled the whole time.” He laughed. “This... why didn’t you say anything?”

Anti looked at him. “...doesn’t matter, does it?” he whispered.

“Why?” Jackie asked. “Why doesn’t it matter?”

“Because it’s just me... nothing important.”

Jackie stared at him, shocked. Then—he couldn’t help it. He shook Anti by the shoulders. “What are you saying?!” he shouted. “You—nothing important?!”

Anti laughed darkly. “Besides... no telling what you’d say.” His head lolled back. “Better to be nothing. Better to be angry. Better than... being hurt.”

Jackie shook him again, then realized that this probably wasn’t the best method for getting through to him and stopped. “Th-that does explain some stuff about you, I guess,” he said slowly. “But—but Anti. I promise you. We would never hurt you. I-I think... I think you’ve been hurt a lot. Is that it? Is that why?”

“Why what?” Anti mumbled.

“Why... e-everything, really.” Jackie shook his head. “Like I said, it would explain some stuff about you.”

Anti shrugged wordlessly.

“Anti, we would never hurt you,” Jackie insisted. “We care about you. We’ve always cared about you, a-and we’re not gonna stop any time soon.” Anti started to shake his head. “No, don’t do that. Don’t do that, Anti.” Jackie hesitated, thoughts scrambling. If he remembered correctly, he should be able to have some influence over the MR world. Not as much as Anti—or Distorter, who had created this illusion—but some would be enough, maybe. “Don’t you remember? H-here. I think—I think I can show you.” He held onto Anti tight, closing his eyes as he concentrated. Maybe—maybe if he thought hard enough about it—

He felt that falling sensation again. And this time, Anti came with him.

When they landed, Jackie immediately heard Anti inhale sharply. “Wh-what?” he breathed. Jackie opened his eyes... and saw that they had landed right where he wanted them to. In a hospital room. Another Anti was lying in a hospital bed, bandages around his neck, fidgeting absentmindedly with the edge of the blanket. On the table next to him was a small whiteboard and a dry erase marker. “This... place...” The Anti beside him whispered.

As the two of them watched, a man walked past the open door to the hospital room. Then stopped, turned around, and walked into the room. Now it was Jackie’s turn to gasp. He didn’t realize how much younger he would look. It wasn’t that long ago that he’d met Anti, was it? Or... maybe it was. “Um... hi.” The past Jackie gave a little wave. “You, uh... you’re new in here. I’m Dr. Parker. This is sort of, my area. Nice to meet you. What’s your name?”

The past Anti glared at him. He picked up the whiteboard, and wrote down Fuck off.

“Oh.” The past Jackie blinked in surprise. “Well, uh, I don’t want to bother you. Just wanted to introduce myself. You, uh... it’s funny, maybe we’re related? We kind of look alike, don’t we?”

The past Anti wrote over the Fuck off from before, making it bigger.

“Huh. Um... I’m guessing you can’t talk, then? That’s okay.”

The past Anti underlined the Fuck off.

“I wasn’t very nice to you...” Anti whispered. “I don’t know why you came back. I wasn’t expecting you to.”

“But I did, didn’t I?” Jackie said.

The scene before them fast-forwarded a bit. The past Jackie kept trying to talk to Anti but eventually left... and then returned with something. A milkshake. “I hope you like vanilla,” he said. “I thought it was the safest bet, but I can always go get another if you want. They have chocolate and strawberry down in the cafeteria.”

The past Anti stared at him. And, slowly, he picked up the whiteboard and wrote, Why? 

Shrugging, the past Jackie said, “It looked like you needed one.” He set the milkshake down on the table and sat down in the one chair in the room. Anti stared at him. Then stared at the milkshake. Then, slowly, reached over and picked it up, carefully sipping through a straw. Jackie smiled. 

Anti shook his head. “This... this isn’t the same,” he muttered. “You didn’t know me. I-I was just some—some random fucker with a hurt neck.”

“You know...” Jackie hesitated. “I... saw the report on your injury later. A-and all this time, I thought you’d gotten in a fight, you seemed the type. But lately... I’ve been thinking... You... don’t have to talk about it, of course. But... Anti, did... did you—”

“Yes,” Anti whispered. “But it wasn’t like what you’re thinking. The goal wasn’t... I wasn’t going to... I-I wasn’t thinking straight. I knew that... sometimes, if I got hurt, m-my thoughts would calm down. So I... But like I said, I wasn’t thinking straight... I didn’t... think of the consequences...” He trailed off. Then he turned away from Jackie, away from the memory of the two of them. “Don’t give me pity. I don’t need it.”

Jackie shook his head. “It’s not pity, Anti,” he whispered. “It’s empathy. It’s compassion. Because you’re my friend.” Tears welled in his eyes. “Knowing that all this happened to you... I-I can’t... it hurts me, to think about it.”

“Sorry to hurt you, then,” Anti muttered.

“No, not like that. It’s because I care about you, Anti. A-and because I care about you, I want to know this. I want to know, so that I can be there for you, so that I can help if something like it happens again. I-I’d rather know than suddenly get blindsided by this one day.”

“You don’t know me,” Anti whispered.

Jackie reached out. He didn’t touch Anti. He simply offered a hand. “Then help me know you.”

Anti stared at his hand. He hesitated, a nervous expression on his face... No. It wasn’t mere nervousness. It was fear. “You... won’t like what you see. A-and then you’ll...”

“I’ll what?” Jackie prompted. “Leave? Not want to be friends with you anymore?” He shook his head. “You’re already convinced that I think it’s better for you to stay asleep, in this fucking hellscape of bad memories. I don’t think it’ll get worse than that, will it?”

“Hearing it will be worse,” Anti said.

“Okay. But you might not hear it at all. You might find that I don’t care about whatever you’re hiding from me. You’ll never know.”

Anti was quiet for a moment. Then, slowly, as if expecting Jackie to pull his hand back at any moment, he reached out... and took it. Around them, the memory faded, a dull gray color taking everything over.

“Tell me about yourself,” Jackie whispered gently.

Anti nodded. “My... my mother was Ciara McLoughlin,” he said, forcing the words out. “She... lived in a town called Tragóige, i-in Longford County in Ireland.”

Around them, vague shapes started to form out of the grayness. Jackie saw a woman with long brown hair and dark eyes. She was checking her makeup in a wall mirror that hung on nothing.

“I—I d-didn’t know my father. She didn’t either, sh-she saw a lot of guys during that time. N-never checked, I think. Maybe she did, but she couldn’t reach him. I don’t know. All I know is... it was just the two of us.”

A small boy appeared next to the woman, tugging on the hem of her shirt. Jackie recognized Anti as a child. A room started to form around them. Dull brown-yellow walls with a faded wallpaper pattern. A TV on the floor and a saggy sofa. An overflowing trash bin. End tables with dirty dishes and bottles.

“We didn’t actually own the house. I-I knew that even when I was little. She rented it. It was on some farmer’s land, Donovan was his name, I-I think. He never seemed to like Ciara that much, I don’t know why he let us stay there. But we did stay there. My room was in the attic.” The room around them shifted, the woman disappearing, leaving just the child Anti, in a room with wooden walls and a slanted ceiling and a big circular window. “It was always up there. She got really upset when it was late at night and I showed up in her room. Which I did, sometimes. When I was littler. I stopped going down there when I got older. I figured out she wouldn’t do anything about the nightmares, or about me crying because I was alone.”

The scene shifted again. A classroom, filled with children. The young Anti sat in the back. For the first time, Jackie noticed how his uniform was a bit different than the others. The jumper was a slightly different shade of red, the pants had patches on the knees. “I didn’t really think anything was weird about all this until I went to school. I heard the other kids talking about their families and their parents and these things called birthday gifts. And... I realized I was different. They realized it, too. And kids don’t like kids who are different.”

Rapid-fire memories surrounded them. Anti being tripped in the hall by other kids, Anti having his things stolen by the kids around him, Anti being shouted at about how his eyes were weird, Anti getting his things back with insults written on them, Anti being taunted by the kids about how his mother didn’t care for him. Jackie’s heart swelled just seeing it.

“So, if they weren’t going to leave me alone, I was going to be too much trouble for them to deal with. I-I started fighting back, shouting back. I carried around a knife so that if anyone tried to hit me, they’d think better of it. That scared people. I... I think I liked that. I-it was better than being the one who was scared. So then I started doing things that would get around. Destroying school stuff, taking small things from shops, generally causing mayhem around town. I-it got me in trouble. A lot. I-I think I was just barely able to keep from being expelled, really. But... it worked. People stopped bothering me. But... some started getting really on my case. Which I don’t think I minded. I think... I think some part of me was thinking... that if I caused enough trouble, maybe she would finally do something about it. Ground me, shout at me, I don’t know. Something.”

The memories shifted. Anti grew older. A teenager. He waved a switchblade in other teenagers’ faces. He started fiddling with computers, using what he learned to break into other people’s machines. He threw bricks through windows and flipped off the police who started chasing after him. Rarely a sentence came out of his mouth that didn’t include at least one curse word.

“But... everything just got worse, too. I mean, of fucking course it did. I was the trouble kid, and soon, I’d be an actual criminal. So... before I turned eighteen, before I would have to start worrying about going to prison, I left town. I-it was really easy to, actually.” A memory of Anti at a bus stop appeared, a single backpack by his side. “I didn’t have much to tie me down there. But... I didn’t know where I would be going. Just that it wouldn’t be there. So I started wandering.”

Snapshots. Rural roads became suburb roads became city streets.

“I think... it’s around that time th-that I started... changing. I-I don’t know what it is. I studied psychology later, but I’ve never looked up what could’ve caused all this. I don’t... even really know how to describe it. Maybe I’m too scared to. I-it’s like... Some of it is intrusive thoughts, but it’s not just that. It’s... a state of mind. A disconnectedness. Disassociation, maybe? I’m not sure. Thoughts that keep going down the same path over and over, thoughts that I don’t want to keep going or get hooked on, but that I can’t stop.” Anti’s voice hitched. “F-for a while, I got... I got into some stuff, trying to muffle them. I-I knew it was bad, but I couldn’t help it. I-it was a short period of time, but I-I managed to get past it. But... that doesn’t mean things were better.”

More snapshots. Anti wandering city streets, Anti getting in fistfights, Anti causing more destruction and vandalism.

“I-I did some bad stuff. Stole things. Broke things. Attacked people for no reason, I-I might’ve even... k-killed someone.” His eyes welled with tears. “I didn’t want to. I didn’t mean to. I-I don’t know if it’s true, but... it might be. I-I don’t know. But eventually, I wound up in this city. Mirygale. I-I had some cash, so I started renting a place to stay. Bought a couple pieces of furniture. E-even found an old TV on the side of the road and a rebuilt computer. I didn’t expect to be able to stay there long, but it was... better than being out in the elements. But things wouldn’t stop. M-my thoughts... they... they weren’t being muffled anymore. I tried... other things. Distraction. Pain. Until... you know how that ended.”

The hospital room faded back into view. Jackie wasn’t there yet. It was just Anti in the past. Staring up at the ceiling. Eyes glazed. Completely still.

Anti took a deep breath. That scene faded away again, and they were surrounded by more of that gray nothingness. “So... now you know. Th-that’s my whole life.” He wiped at his eyes. “Jack’s my cousin, you know. Did you know that? I didn’t. Ciara never told me she had a brother, much fucking less that her brother had a family.” He laughed drily. “Maybe that’s where she got some of her money from. I don’t think she made a lot on her own.”

“I...” Jackie was left speechless. His brain struggled to process everything he heard... to understand all the misery that had plagued his friend’s life. “Anti, that’s... I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry that you had to go through all that.”

“Heh.” Anti gave him a small, wan smile. “Knew you’d say that.”

“You did? Then what was all that about being afraid to tell me?”

“Things will be different now,” Anti muttered. “You’ll look at me differently. You feel sorry for me, and every time you look at me, I’ll see that in your eyes. Just... something to feel sorry for. Maybe be a little afraid of. It won’t be normal.”

“Anti... that’s not true.”

“You say that but—”

“No, Anti, let me talk,” Jackie interrupted. “I’m sorry, but let me talk.” He put his hands on Anti’s shoulders, looking him straight in the eyes. “I feel sorry for you, yes. But that’s not all you are to me. You’re not an—an object for me to project feelings onto. You are my friend. You are the man I chose to be Michelle’s godfather.”

“You really shouldn’t have done that, by the—”

“Anti, please. Listen.” Jackie paused for a moment, making sure Anti’s full attention was on him. “You’re my friend. You’re my daughter’s godfather. You’re an excellent self-taught programmer—which is fucking amazing, by the way. And to get a minor in psych while doing that, fucking incredible. You’re a role model to tons of people online. You’re a great father. No matter what you think of yourself and your ability as a parent, you’re good at it, Anti. You’re good at all of this. Anti, I... I think I always knew there was something dark in your past. Someone who shows up in the hospital with a slit throat could not have had an easy life. And I saw your flat when you first lived there, remember? I knew you were struggling with something. But you know what? You managed to get past all that. You picked up your life. You got yourself a degree in fucking record time—and fuck anyone who says it doesn’t count because it was online—and managed to make yourself a career out of doing something that you love. Because I know you love games. Playing them and breaking their code, hah. And, after all that, you found a boy who was also struggling, and you gave him a home and someone who cares about him. The fact that you could do all this despite everything you went through? Anti, I think that’s the strongest thing I’ve ever heard a person do.”

Anti stared at him, completely and utterly shocked. “I... but... I-I’m not—I-I don’t really make a difference—”

“How could you say that after everything I just said?” Jackie asked. “All the people who love your videos aside—they’re all strangers really—what about the rest of us? You think we’d be the same without you? You think our lives would be better? Anti, that’s simply not true. Every day, I’m so happy to have met you. I’m so happy that you’re my friend. I-I always want to do everything I can to help you... sometimes to my own detriment.” He laughed weakly. “Because you’re my friend. Because you matter to me, because my life is so much better having met you. And it’s the same for everyone else, too. Especially Will.”

Anti swallowed a lump in his throat. “Maybe... maybe Will could’ve had a better family, if he hadn’t met me,” he whispered weakly.

“No, he couldn’t have. Because you care about him so much, Anti. You care so much that you’re worried you’re not good enough. But you are. There’s no one Will would rather have as a dad than you.” Jackie smiled. “And there’s no one we’d rather have as a friend. Anti, I love you. You’re my best friend. Don’t tell the others that, especially Schneep. But... I think it’s true. And you’ll still be my friend after this.”

Anti was quiet for a long time. He was blinking back tears. “Do... you promise?” he asked in a hoarse voice.”

Jackie gently grabbed his hand, wrapping their fingers together. “I promise, Anti.”

Anti closed his eyes. He leaned his head forward until it rested on Jackie’s shoulder. “Aodhán.”

“Huh?”

“My name,” he whispered. “I’m Aodhán McLoughlin.”

Jackie stood there, stunned for a moment. Then he smiled. “Nice to meet you, Aodhán.”

Anti let out a breath. And then, he started to sob. Quietly at first, and then louder and louder, great heaving breaths. He wrapped his arms around Jackie, squeezing tight, clutching at his clothes. Jackie hugged him back. Around them, the gray nothingness began to change. A green glow was piercing through the fog.

After a while, Anti stopped crying, but he didn’t let go of Jackie.

“Is it time to wake up?” Jackie asked.

“...yeah,” Anti whispered. “I’m ready.”

———————

“Marvin, I swear, we’re your friends!” Jack shouted desperately.

Marvin didn’t seem to answer. He kept struggling against Jack with that glassy look in his eyes, blood dripping from his sockets. Jack kept him pushed to the floor, and meanwhile, Schneep and Distorter were still fighting. And it was becoming increasingly clear that the fight was one-sided. Schneep stumbled, and Distorter pushed him against the empty hospital bed, his head hitting the railings with an unpleasant CLANG!

“Stacy?” Jack glanced over at her. “Do you have them?”

“Y-yeah, I think I got all of them!” Stacy pushed all the cards she’d gathered into a deck. Marvin’s cards, spilled across the floor when he suddenly jumped to Schneep’s aid. She hurried over, kneeling on the ground next to Marvin’s face. “Look! Marvin, these are yours! Do you remember these?!” She glanced at Jack, unsure. Jack nodded back. Surely the cards will jog Marvin’s mind or something. But his eyes were still glassy. “Uh... h-here, you can look at them.” She spread the deck out, showing the different designs on their backs.

And at that... something finally flickered in Marvin’s eyes. Jack felt his struggles still for a moment, and then one arm pushed against his hold. Jack hesitated, then let up for a moment. Marvin slowly reached for the cards, picking out two with the same symbol. Three lines forming a rough, wide U shape, with two dots in the middle.

“These? Uh, okay, what do we do with these?” Stacy wondered. “Uh—” she started putting random cards near those two, in hopes of getting more of a response from Marvin. It wasn’t working. Marvin’s eyes were glazing over again and he started to struggle again against Jack.

“I can’t hold him forever!” Jack said.

“I know I know! Uh—” With increasing panic, Stacy kept showing Marvin cards. Nearby, Schneep cried out in pain as Distorter bit into his arm. He lashed out and punched him back, but the cloth of his shirt ripped as Distorter pulled it away. “Marvin, please! You know this, we don’t! We need you! H-he’s playing mind tricks on you, please remember!”

“...mind,” Marvin whispered. He stopped struggling for a moment, reaching out and grabbing another one of the cards, this one with a pointed shape in the middle and two lines next to it. He pulled that forward, into the middle of the two cards from before—

A faint golden light rippled out from the three-card formation. Suddenly, Jack leaned back, blinking and shaking his head as he felt it suddenly clear. He hadn’t realized how foggy he’d felt until just then. Stacy’s expression was similar. And, suddenly, Marvin gasped. “H-holy fucking hell!” he shouted. “What the—wh-what’s happening?!”

Distorter looked towards him. “What? No! No, you’re supposed to be—” Schneep came out of nowhere, punching him in the face so hard it knocked him to the ground.

“The cards,” Marvin whispered. “Mind and safety—I-I knew. I knew e-even like t’at, I knew what they—Jack, can ye get off me?”

“Right.” Jack hurriedly moved away, allowing Marvin to sit up.

Distorter scrambled to his feet. “Fine! But that won’t work on your ‘friend’ Ant—”

A blue burst of light came flying into the room and hit Distorter in the chest, pushing him back against the far wall. Ice formed along his torso, pinning him there.

Marvin gasped. “Jems!”

JJ stood in the doorway, hand outstretched and eyes glowing bright. Don’t talk about Anti, he said. He’s not under your power anymore.

Schneep blinked. “You—you mean—”

Jameson smiled, nodding. The glow in his eyes faded, revealing the tears lining them.

“Forget abou’ t’at guy!” Marvin said, gesturing back at Distorter, struggling against the ice keeping him attached to the wall. “Let’s go!”

Everyone scrambled to their feet. Marvin made sure to get his cards but left the wheelchair behind; he could come back for that later. JJ looked confused about how Marvin was walking fine again, but shrugged it off. This was more important! They all rushed down the hall.

Distorter paused, assessing his connection to Anti—and found it gone. He screeched with frustration and broke away from the ice, tumbling to the ground. He quickly got up again, ready to rush after them... but then stopped. His head tilted to the side. What... was that? He... was sensing something strange. Slowly, he turned around, peering through the blinds on the window and down at the ground below. Oh. Oh. No, he didn’t want to be here for that. Quickly, he turned and ran, trying to find the easiest exit out of the hospital.

The group burst into Anti’s room. Marvin and Schneep weren’t sure what they would see. JJ said Anti was awake, but it didn’t seem real. Not until they all rushed into the room and saw Anti, unrestrained and sitting up, with Jackie sitting on the bed beside him, the two of them hugging each other tight and crying.

“...Anti?” Schneep whispered.

Anti looked up. His eyes were bloodshot, but clear, not glazed over. He gave him a small smile. “H-hi.”

Schneep relaxed. He laughed. “Hi? You are under a monster’s control for days, maybe weeks, a-and you just say hi?”

Anti shrugged. “Yeah? Fuck you. Is that better?”

Schneep laughed harder. “Oh. Oh, it is so much better. Anti. Anti. I-I am... so... so, relieved.”

Marvin covered his mouth, too overwhelmed by emotion to say anything. He hurried forward, reaching out but stopping. Anti stared at his hand, then took it, holding it in his. Tears filled Marvin’s eyes. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I-I know what it’s like. Maybe... not... exactly all t’is, but...” He took a deep breath. “Y-you’re back. T’at’s what matters.”

JJ wiped his eyes on his sleeve. He nodded, choking back a sob.

“W-we should all give him space,” Schneep said, hiding the tears in his eyes as well.

“No, i-it’s fine right now,” Anti said. “I get it.” He looked past everyone else to Stacy and Jack, hovering near the doorway. “You two are here too, huh? Uh... good to see you, Jack. Stacy.”

Stacy looked a bit surprised, but nodded back. Jack gave him a tired smile. “I’m so glad you’re awake,” he said.

“Me too... fucking hell.” Anti shook his head. “I don’t ever want to relive that.”

“You won’t have to,” Jackie promised. “You’re back now. And we’re gonna make sure Distorter doesn’t fucking try anything like that again.”

Anti laughed. “Yeah.” He looked around the room. “Man... this place fucking sucks. Glad I wasn’t able to see most of it. Can I get out of here?”

“You cannae jus’ walk out of a hospital,” Marvin said.

“Yeah, there’s paperwork and stuff,” Jackie says. “We have to get a doctor to check you over.”

“We can go do that,” Stacy said. “Me and Jack.”

“Yeah, if you guys want a moment, we’ll just go look around for whoever’s in charge to tell them this,” Jack said. He glanced around and frowned. “And I’ll go look for Sam, too. Where did they go?”

“Yeah, you two can clear off,” Anti said. He paused. “Not that... it’s not good to see you,” he added awkwardly. “It... is. I-I think you guys helped wake me up? So... thank you. But... can I... Th-these guys are...”

Jack nodded. “We get it.”

Anti sighed. “Yeah.” He hesitated, then said, “Besides, as my family, you’re probably gonna be the one filling out paperwork.”

Jack’s eyes widened. He glanced around at everyone else.

“Wait, you’re related?!” Marvin gasped.

“We’re cousins,” Anti said. “It’s a... long story.”

I suppose that would explain some things, JJ signed, looking thoughtful.

“Finally, two of our group who look alike turn out to actually be related,” Schneep chuckled.

Jack smiled. He nodded at Anti. “Yeah. I’ll do all that paperwork and stuff. C’mon, Stacy. Let’s find a doctor.” The two of them headed off.

You’re really okay, Anti? JJ asked.

“I feel shitty, actually.” Anti pushed Jackie away a little and looked down at himself. “Fuck... hospital clothes don’t suit me at all. But yeah, my head’s all fucky a-and I feel... weak? I guess?” He looked back up. “How’s Will?”

“He’s alrigh’,” Marvin said. “Rama has been lookin’ after him. He’s missed you.”

Anti crumpled, tears coming back to his eyes. “I’ve missed him too,” he whispered. “F-for a moment... I-I was stuck in this facility, for a while, kept there by these guys called IRIS. And while in there, they said something, a-and... for a moment... I-I wondered if he was even real. N-nothing has ever scared me so much.”

“He is real,” Schneep said firmly. “And he is still your son.”

“And we know about IRIS,” Jackie added. “You don’t have to explain anything.”

Anti nodded, taking a deep breath. He raised his head higher, looking at Schneep, then Marvin, then JJ. “My real name is Aodhán McLoughlin.”

“Wha—” Schneep choked. JJ looked at Anti in surprise. Marvin leaned back, processing that. “Y-you just—just—”

“I told Jackie while in that freaky dream shit,” Anti said. “It’s only fair that you guys know, too.”

JJ laughed hoarsely. Well, it’s good to know, but it doesn’t change anything. Especially for me. It still starts with an A, so my name sign for you doesn’t have to change.

“You’ll still be Anti to us,” Marvin said. “Unless you want us to start usin’ Aodhán.”

“Uhhh no that’s too much too fast,” Anti said.

Schneep sighed. “Well... I suppose all this is settled. Finally.” He paused. “There is still much we have to do, though. But we can take a moment to rest. Get Anti out of the hospital. And—”

AAIIEEEAAIIEEEAAIIEEE!

Schneep suddenly screamed, clapping his hands to his ears and collapsing.

“Volt?!” Jackie gasped, scrambling to his feet. “What is it?!”

“What the fuck?!” Marvin stared. JJ crouched down and started shaking Schneep.

A man appeared in the doorway to the room. They all looked up at him in unison. Like all the doctors here, he wore a white coat. But there was a symbol on the arm. It looked like an eye with three irises.

“No!” Anti scrambled backwards, going pale. “F-fuck off!”

The man tossed something into the room and then slammed the door closed. It was a small metal ball, which fell apart into two different halves with a click. White smoke came billowing out from the inside at an alarming rate.

“What is t’at?!” Marvin asked. He grabbed the pillow from the bed and threw it at the metal ball, but the smoke was pouring out in such quantities that the thin pillow did nothing to stop it.

JJ threw his hand out and a blue shield formed a dome around the ball. For a moment, the smoke was trapped inside—but then the shield flickered and died. JJ looked down at his hand in alarm. He tried conjuring another shield but he couldn’t. He shot a bolt of magic at the ball but all he managed to do was rip the pillow in half and send the two parts of the ball skittering in opposite directions, both still emitting smoke.

“I-I don’t know what that is but it can’t be good!” Jackie shouted, running for the room’s window. But the window didn’t open. “Fuck!” He pounded his fists against the glass. He tried grabbing the chair but it slipped out of his grip. Shaking his head, he stumbled. Why did everything feel so heavy right now?

“It’s... i-it’s a drug,” Marvin said, his words slurring together, head drooping.

Anti tried to stand up, but found he couldn’t. So he started shouting. “HELP! HEEELP! HELP! PLEASE!”

But his pleas fell on deaf ears. Or maybe they just fell on ears that weren’t fast enough to do anything. His voice tapered off quickly and he fell back against the bed, eyelids fluttering.

One by one, they all succumbed to it.

And on a turn of a dime, their triumph was overcome by despair.

#jacksepticeye #jacksepticeye fanfiction #jacksepticegos #septic egos #septic egos au #jacksepticeye au #antisepticeye #programmer anti #jackieboy man #dr jackie parker #marvin the magnificent #1920s marvin #jameson jackson #the jaunty jackson #chase brody #distorter #c!jack #septic eye sam #brigid writes fanfiction #septicswitchau

[banannabethchase]

Hurt Me So Good - also on AO3

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Matt wants angry sex with Adam. Adam has feelings. That's it. That's the whole fic.

~

For bingo square G4 - PWP! Title from Do Me by Kim Petras, which is my always Matt Jackson song.

~

Kenny’s getting checked out by medical and Nick is meeting up with Tony after Bucks’ match, so Adam is alone when Matt comes into their locker room. He’s sweaty and frowning, with exhaustion in the back of his eyes Adam knows he’s been hiding from everyone else.

“Hey,” Adam says, reaching out to take Matt’s hand. Matt grabs his hand, swings it, then lets go, staggering the tiniest bit. “You okay?”

Matt nods. “Good. Tired.” He shoots a smile at Adam, then averts his eyes. Adam tries to pick up what’s happening, and decides to wait until Matt uses his words. “You’re not, like, mad at me, are you?” Matt asks after a few moments. He fiddles with his fingertips, won’t meet Adam’s eyes.

Adam waits a few seconds before answering. “Why do you ask?”

“I – because you’ve been weird, ever since All In. Like you’re mad we all lost our matches.” His eyes flick up to Adam’s for the briefest of seconds.

“I’m – wait, do you want me to be mad?”

Matt bites his lip and looks up at Adam, and the puzzle pieces click together. “Only if you’re really, really mad.”

Adam rolls his eyes. “Jesus, you want me to hate fuck you like a couple years back again, you just have to ask.” He reaches out and wraps a hand around Matt’s throat, who lets out a strange, relieved little gasp.

“Harder,” Matt demands. “Make me feel it.”

“Matty, if I choke you any worse, you’re gonna die,” Adam says, hand settling on Matt’s hip like it was sculpted to fit there. “Christ, you’re the worst. Lean into the fantasy, not the near death experience.”

“Maybe I like the –”

Adam crushes his mouth to Matt’s, shoving his tongue in Matt’s mouth. Matt moans around it, slumping against the wall. Maybe he should dislike these moments, when Matt flashes them back to 2020. He doesn't always. Sure, they remind him a little bit of some of the worst parts of his life, but the look on Matt’s face when he fucks him without mercy, the way they two of them curl around each other afterward, is more than worth it. This way, they get to indulge in the emotions without devolving back into their worst selves from back then.

And Adam’s terrible at telling Matt no when he gets all pouty.

“Please,” Matt says, gasping. “Adam, please.”

“Beg harder,” Adam growls, nails biting into Matt’s skin where his hand had slid up the front of his shirt. “Not gonna give it to you unless you earn it.”

Matt laughs, a little frantic, and his hip buck like he doesn’t mean to. “Hanger, please. I need it. I need you.” He shoves a shaking hand into his front pocket and presses a tube, already warm from his body, into Adam’s hand. “Don’t make me wait.”

“Maybe I will,” Adam says, diving in to work a bruise into the soft skin of Matt’s neck. “Maybe I leave you here begging for it, let everybody else come in to see you fucking yourself desperate on the couch because you didn’t earn it.”

Matt’s eyes straight up roll back in his head. Adam always forgets how into it Matt gets when the moment is right. He figures, as he shoves a hand into the back of Matt’s shorts and grips his ass, that it’s a natural response to the stress of the week. Between All In, Dynamite, Collision, and All Out, Matt’s probably exhausted. And Adam is always happy to indulge Matt in his fantasies of getting wrecked to the point where he loses all control.

He's getting really into the moment when he’s interrupted. Matt taps Adam on the shoulder. “Not mean enough.”

Adam pulls back. “Seriously? I can practically taste pennies on your neck, babe.”

Matt pouts. “Scratch?”

Adam sighs. “Insatiable.” He pulls his hands from where he’d been kneading Matt’s ass and slides them up Matt’s back under his shirt. He briefly regrets trimming his nails earlier, because he doesn’t catch the way he knows Matt really wants it dragged down his skin. But Matt lets out a keening sigh, so maybe it’s close to enough. “Yeah?” he asks. “That mean enough?”

“Uh-huh,” Matt says, voice high. “I – I need you – in – please.”

His words are a slurred mess, which suggests to Adam that the rest of him is, too.

He grabs Matt’s hips and walks him backward. “How do you want it?” he asks, biting at Matt’s earlobe.

“Don’t care,” Matt says. “Just now, please.”

“Gonna have to wait either way,” Adam says, trying to pretend like he isn’t dizzy already, “gotta open you up before I wreck you.”

Matt’s giggle is frantic and delighted. “But I want it hard.”

Adam turns him to press against the back of the couch, right in eyeline of the mirrors so Matt can watch them. He slides a hand up Matt’s back and presses him to lean over the couch. It’s a sight Adam can’t seem to get sick of, Matt squirming and needy for him, little noises coming out of him like he can’t control it.

If he could, he’d bottle the moment and take a dose any time he’s feeling down. But Matt is here, now, and his, and that may be even better.

He digs his nails into Matt’s ass as he rubs his lube-coated fingers together, sure to warm them fully before tracing Matt’s rim.

“I – oh, my god, please do it,” Matt says. “I – too long. Can’t – now?”

“Not too fast, Matty,” he says. The next part comes out before he can stop it. “I don’t – I won’t hurt you.” The implied because I can’t make myself do it again hangs in the air, and Matt’s eyes meet his in the mirror.

“Hey,” Matt says, stilling and reaching back to grab Adam’s hand. “Stop that. I don’t know where your head went, but I don’t like it.”

Adam shakes his head, gets back in the moment. “Sorry. Just – thinking about –”

“Revolution 2020,” Matt says, shaking his head with a little sigh. “We’re not there anymore, Adam. This is right here, right now. Do you need to stop?”

Adam takes a deep breath and takes inventory of himself. He’s not shaking, or scared, or panting. None of him feels like he’s about to run, like the adrenaline is poison over excitement.

“No,” he says. “Just – I don’t think I can go all mean right now, if that’s okay.”

“Of course it’s okay,” Matt says, smile sweet and still a little dazed. “I think it’s kind of cute that you sometimes can’t be mean to me. It’s sweet, you know. Reminds me you really do love me.”

Adam slides an arm around Matt’s chest and pulls him back to line their bodies up. Matt turns his head and they kiss, sweet and soft.

“I love you,” Adam murmurs, as Matt leans forward over the couch.

“I love you,” Adam murmurs, as he slides a finger into Matt and watches in the mirror as Matt’s mouth drops open and he pants in anticipation.

“I love you,” Adam murmurs, burying himself to the hilt into Matt.

“I love you,” Adam pants, picking up the pace with his hands on Matt’s hips.

“I love you, too,” Matt gasps. “God, harder, please, you’re so good at this.”

Adam laughs, and can only do as Matt asks. He grabs Matt’s thigh and adjusts the angle, leading to Matt letting out the kind of delighted scream Adam would kill to earn but is lucky enough to get it now.

“That – yes!” Matt yelps. Adam can tell he could come untouched like this, could shoot over the couch and cost them an awkward meeting with Tony and around two thousand dollars in cleaning feels. But he’s not willing to reach that level of stupid so he pulls Matt back against him, leveraging so Matt sinks farther onto his cock. “Adam,” Matt gasps, strangled, and he comes across his own belly and Adam’s hand where it’s splayed across Matt’s chest.

Adam whimpers and buries his face into Matt’s hair as he fucks up into Matt a few more times, coming so deeply he thinks he’s marked Matt for life. He reaches up to swipe a few errant tears from his cheeks, but he can tell Matt caught them with the way he strokes Adam’s arm.

“I’m here,” Matt says quietly. “Not going anywhere.”

“Why are you taking care of me?” Adam laughs, pressing a kiss to Matt’s head. He meets Matt’s eyes in the mirror. “Isn’t that my job?”

Matt shakes his head, then shifts so Adam slips out of him. He turns in Adam’s arms, getting come and lube everywhere, but Adam doesn’t mind. He loops his arms around Adam’s neck. “Nobody’s ever taken enough care of you, Hanger. I’ve been the worst of it.” He goes up on his toes to kiss Adam’s nose. “I’ll do better, now. Forever.”

“That a promise?” Adam mutters, walking the two of them backward toward the shower.

Matt nods, eyes honest and kind like they only ever get around him. “Yes.”

~

Mini Playlist: Line of Fire - The Veronicas Do Me - Kim Petras I Want It - Two Feet Numbers - The Cab

#wtf i like wrestling now??? #in which sara writes #HangMatt #anxious millennial dreamboat #Matt Attrackson #Here have a thing

[ratasum]

Aftermath

Days pass. The next step looms. How to move forward becomes harder to see.

Or: Qirri struggles to cope with the reopened wounds of childhood trauma.

“Oh by the pinion gears- we’ll be overrun at this rate!”

It was strange, to have those thoughts rattling around in her head. Or perhaps “strange” wasn’t the exact right word. Perhaps it was better to say unsettling. It wasn’t as if she didn’t remember the events of Claw Island as clearly as if they’d happened yesterday.

Trying to breathe in the sickly mixture of briny air and the sour scent of rot and decay from the once dead shambling in their direction.

Struggling with shaking hands to try to put together a rifle turret, head down, breathing already labored, before being interrupted by someone screaming for her to move and looking up. A risen abomination. Massive, fast, barreling down on her with incredible speed.

She couldn’t move. Couldn’t react. Her rifle was right there!

Grab it, grab it GRAB IT-

Her grip tightened on the ventilator mask in her hand, checking over the crack that ran through it. No point in repairing this one- the damage was pretty severe. A total loss. Maybe she ought to consider Yao’s idea of using a modified breather like the ones some of the miners used out in the Jade Sea. She’d have to ask them to get her one she could take a look at.

Or maybe see if Joon had one. She tended to keep all sorts of tech lying around the mansion sometimes.

Deft hands began to dismantle the one she was holding, pulling out ruined filters and unscrewing the tubing that had led to the dispenser tank she kept hooked to her belt. That part seemed undamaged at least. It could be reused.

Damn ley abomination. Just her luck it would hit her just like that. Garrus’s voice crying out her name, concerned as always, still rung in her ears-

“Qirri look out!”

In the moment of time it could have taken for her to be trampled into the dirt, she found the wind knocked out of her as someone bodied her out of the way, turning around just in time to see the abomination slam into Garrus instead. She saw his arm crumple, watched him roll out of the way and hit the ground hard.

He hit the ground and he did not move.

Her shoulders curled tightly inward as she gave her head a hard shake, dispelling the memories as best she could. Of one of the charr Lionguard pulling Garrus up to get him out the gates. Of Forgal and Tybalt and dear, dear Sieran hurrying them all out to get them to safety. Of Sieran cradling her face and insisting it would be all right-

“I should have known I couldn’t rely on a child.”

“You were too little, ruby eyes. Too small, too young. I should have known you could never handle this weight. You could never be strong enough.”

“Poor, weak little ruby eyes…”

The gasp she let out was so sharp it sent her into a coughing fit. She’d been having more of them since that damn cave, harsher too, leaving a burning ache in her chest after each one. There was a doctor Rama recommended back in Seitung who may have suggestions on a higher dosage or perhaps some new medication that may soothe her lungs better.

Not that it would do much to soothe her mind. That had been Sieran’s voice, hadn’t it? But it hadn’t been Sieran. She had to remind herself of that. Sieran would never speak to her in such a way, would she?

Her ears twitched as she laid out the components of the device in front of her. Broken. Useless. Her hand went to her throat briefly, rubbing lightly, considering the burning sensation that felt as fresh and raw as it had when it was new. How much more could she push herself without her body finally giving out?

“You’re weak. Sickly and frail. You were never good enough to be my student. You were a failure as a student, and you were a failure in Maguuma.”

“You were never. Never worthy.”

She covered her mouth on another cough, only to this time be interrupted by a hand on her back, a familiar voice speaking softly as it inquired, “Chief?”

Immediately Qirri whipped her head around, blinking up at Yao as they looked back down at her. Their expression was one of clear concern, and their free hand held a small saucer on which sat a cup of steaming tea.

“Oh- Yao. I’m sorry, I- did you need something?”

“I heard you coughing so I figured you could use a break.” They moved their hand from her back, reaching over to arrange the components of her old ventilator out of the way to set the tea down in front of her. “Ginger green tea. It’s good for the lungs.”

Qirri turned her head back to look at the cup before reaching for it, pulling it closer to herself on the table. The warmth bled into her hands, and the smell of it gave her at least some small sense of grounding in all her unease and the bitter memories of the all too recent fight. “...thanks, Yao. I don’t think I’ve taken much of a break at all today.”

They chuckled at that, tugging one of her loose braids gently. “I figured.” Then, after a moment, they reached out to scrub a thumb against her cheek, brushing away tears Qirri didn’t even realize had fallen. “...are you sure you’re okay? We can see about getting you a train back. Rama, Gorrik, and I can make sure Garrus stays safe. You can get back with Taimi and Joon at the mansion.”

Her hands tightened slightly on the teacup, rasping out a gentle sigh. “No. I won’t leave Garrus alone like that. He… what if he needs me?”

“...I think he’d understand, chief. But it’s your decision. I’m not gonna press.” They stood straight after that, glancing around at all the devices and tools she had laid out around her. “...I was planning on putting on some Kaineng rice noodles for lunch. Do you want some? It’s got a hot broth. Might help your throat.”

Qirri nodded, watching for a moment as Yao started towards the door of the small room she had holed herself up in. Her ears perked, and for a moment, a thought rippled through her head. “...hey Yao?”

They blinked, then turned to look towards her, looking expectant as their hand rested against the door. “Yeah chief?”

Her mouth opened, then closed, considering what she wanted to say. She wanted Rissia. She wanted to cry. She wanted to go home. But none of those things came out. “...could you see if we can get our hands on one of those jade tech breathers the miners use? I want to tinker with it for a little bit.”

The disappointment that crossed Yao’s face was incredibly brief, and they gave her a lopsided smile in return. “You got it, chief. One breather coming up!”

They headed out the door, closing it behind them as Qirri turned back to her desk, picking up the teacup to take a good sip. It felt good going down, soothing against the burning sensation curling into her throat.

This time, though, she felt the tears start to roll down her cheeks, letting out a little hiccup before setting down the teacup and pressing her face into her hands, shoving her glasses out of the way. They were ugly, rough, painful sobs, racking her small frame as she curled forward, ears drooping, chest tight.

What was she going to do?

#gw2 spoilers #post eod spoilers #wlb spoilers #what lies beneath spoilers #qirri tinkerfirst #yao #yao sees qirri as a little sister film at eleven #she made them an honorary member of the Dragonwatch Krewe #and they basically went These Are My Siblings Now #bunny writing

[finniestoncrane]

She Blinded Me With Science (Arkham!Riddler x Reader)

I'm working on a collection of little one-shots just now inspired by each song on my Arkhamverse Eddie playlist. This is part one! All parts updated in my masterlist 💚

warnings/tags on AO3, minors DNI, reader is AFAB, she/her pronouns used, 748 words

🎵 She's tidied up, and I can't find anything! All my tubes and wires, and careful notes, and antiquated notions.  But - it's poetry in motion. 🎵

“Again? Really?”

Eddie rifled through the rusting filing cabinet, desperately hunting for the particular wire he had his heart set on using in his latest project. Nothing was ever where he left it.

I’m not having this argument again, I’ll find my wire, I’ll finish my work, and then I’m putting everything in my workshop back to the way I like it.

He was frantically tossing bits and pieces of machinery and materials out behind him onto the concrete floor, nuts and bolts rattling around as he slammed drawers shut and yanked them open, taking some off of their tracks.

“Looking for something, Ed?”

He didn’t bother to turn around. He was annoyed with her, verging into anger. And he knew if he turned around to face her, sweet face standing there looking all innocent despite knowing very well that she was the source of his irritation, he’d just melt. And he’d have to forget ever regaining a semblance of control over his work place.

“Yes. How could you tell?”

“I could hear the sounds of distress from the other end of the…corridor I suppose you would call it.”

“It’s a sewer. I feel like I made you very aware of where I was staying when you decided you would move in.”

“And I moved in to look after you, and make this a home.” She was giggling as she tiptoed around behind him. “And part of that is keeping your things…tidy…not so chaotic, hun.”

“It was organised chaos. I knew where everything was! You shouldn’t even be in here touching my things!” He moved to the pile of crates filled with miscellaneous cables and spools of wire, which he knew was his scrap box, but there’s every chance she didn’t know that. She could have put his wire anywhere. She was beautiful, she was sweet, she was kind, she was caring. But she wasn’t exactly clued up on the differences between all of his tools and…things, everything…she moved everything and it was all in the wrong place now. He thumped his head against the wall, trying to decide where he would search next. For all he knew, he should go check in their kitchen cabinets, it wouldn’t be any less ridiculous than anywhere else she might have put it. Because if it wasn’t in the pen pot on the right hand side of his desk it was in the wrong place. He gritted his teeth and sighed.

She tutted, somewhere behind him in the room, the noise echoing as she spoke again.

“Colder.”

He lifted his head from the wall, still not turning. All efforts went into calming himself down, he didn’t want to snap at her, but it was particularly irritating that she thought this was funny. He knelt down slowly, crouching to the bottom crate.

“Colder.”

He stood back up, shuffling to his right and towards the desk.

“Hmmm, bit warmer I guess.”

If she was going to play this game, he wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of knowing how pissed he was. Without so much as a glance towards her, he took a few more steps to the right, carefully placing his hand on the top drawer of the desk, which he knew he had already checked.

“Warmer.”

Next drawer down.

“Warmer.”

The bottom drawer.

“Colder, Ed.”

“Oh for…will you just tell me where it-” As he spun towards her, his words caught in his throat. There she stood, middle of his workshop. On her head, she had a pair of his goggles, hair tied up in a loose bun, a pencil securing it at the back. He let his gaze wander, taking her in entirely. She shuffled awkwardly, bare feet on the hard, concrete ground. She was wearing one of his lab coats, grimy, dyed green to fit his aesthetic. And as far as he could tell, there was nothing underneath it. He took a deep breath in and stepped towards her.

“Warmer.” She smiled, a small giggle escaping. At the inviting sound, he kept coming, faster paced, desperate.

“Oh, Ed! You’re absolute scalding hot!”

He wrapped his arms around her, pressing a kiss to the side of her neck, followed by one on her shoulder.

“No, you are.”

“Hm, such a cheesy line. Well, don’t you want your wire?”

He watched her as she moved her hand to one of the pockets on the coat, but held her wrist.

“Keep a hold of it for now, I’ve found something better.”

#finnie writes #arkham #arkham riddler #arkham!riddler #batman #riddler #the riddler #riddler x you #riddler x reader #riddler fanfic #the riddler fanfic #the riddler fanfiction

[steele-soulmate]

Tattooed Wings, CHAPTER 490, Peter Steele & OFC, Soulmate AU

SUMMARY: Mary Claire Bradley meets her soulmate- literally- the famous Peter Steele of metal group Type O Negative. But will obstacles including trauma, stalkers, and toxic family members get in the way of their life?

WARNING: mentions of child rape (nothing graphic) PTSD, milk kink, soft smut, grinding, assault, fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, 69, P in V sex, blood, noncon rape, violence, death, vandalism, graffiti, attempted kidnapping, break-ins, wild animal attacks, terrorist attack (sabotage) consensual impregnation, bareback, impregnation kink, creampies, terrorist attacks (shootings) hit and run pedestrian accident, precipitous labor, neonatal death

WORDS: 1093

“Hello! I come bearing medication for Mary Claire.”

“Oh, thank you,” I smiled at the nurse, who handed me a cup with my medication in it. I frowned as I looked down into the cup, scrutinizing the contents. “Why did you flip flop one of my meds with another type?”

“Oh, Omprizletines is a doctor’s note only medication, and we have not received an all clear from your doctor. So instead, we’re replacing it with Delipam. It’s basically the same thing.”

“Oh okay,” I hummed, downing the cup and washing it down with water. I then turned to Peter with a smile, watching with fond eyes as he changed our daughter’s diaper.

“Bum bum bum boo budda bum,” he sang out as he fashioned her diaper and expertly tucked her into the crook of his elbow. “Yabba dabba doo!”

I began to cough endlessly, my throat suddenly feeling tight. My hand flew up as I very quickly found myself unable to breathe. Peter swore before yelling for help, tucking himself and Baby Violet Marie out of the way as medical rushed into the room.

PETER

I called out to him, using our telepathic link to let him know how terrified I was as the doctor quickly inserted a cricothyrotomy by making a slit near my Adam’s apple and inserting a straw-like tube.

I was able to breathe a little bit. It wasn’t easy, but I held my hand out, summoning my soulmate to me as a nurse shot a line of epinephrine into the port on my arm.

“What did she have?” barked the doctor, checking my pupils with a penlight.

“I’m looking at the medical chart, and she was given Delipam in place of Omprizletines, as how it is a controlled substance and only to be given out with the doctor’s okay,” a nurse piped in as she checked my chart. “Don’t worry, I’ll put down that you are allergic to Delipam into your chart. Your doctor may want to run more labs on that for you.”

PETER I was still panicking as I begged my husband to come to me.

“Sir, I think you should come here and calm your soulmate down,” chuckled the doctor, shuffling aside as my husband sat down in a plastic hospital chair and gave me his hand to grasp at. “Okay, now follow my finger with your eyes.”

I did as he told me to, the fear still ebbing away at my heart as my throat was bandaged up and I was propped back up and given at least forty pillows to prop myself up with.

“Trust me, you’re a new mama, you’ve just suffered a horrible allergy, trust me, you deserve all the pillows!” another nurse validated me with a sweet smile.

“How do you sleep with all kinds of pillows, if I may ask?” a third nurse asked Peter, craning his neck upwards to look my husband in the face.

“I think what you mean to ask me is if a double wide king bed is big enough for myself, my sweetheart, our twin nieces, our three daughters, our son, their dollies, a dog, two cats and a skunk,” Peter chuckled. “And the answer to that is there’s always room for more love.”

My heart swelled at the sheer amount of love in his voice as he cradled Baby Violet Marie in the crook of his elbow and held onto my fingers with his other hand, always present in a silent, protective manner.

“You good sweetheart?” he asked me, smiling as a nurse continued to fuss over me.

My breasts hurt.

“Do you need to use your milk pump?” he asked me, grabbing the machine before shooing the nurse out of my hospital room and helping me get set up.

Thank you daddy. I love you.

“I love you too, sweetheart,” he chuckled as the quiet humming of the milk pump filled the room. “What can I do to make you feel more secure?”

Hold me?

“As my woman commands of me.” And with that, he gently nudged me out of the way before laying down next to me, the product of our neverending love cradled in his arms. “Do you want to hold Baby Violet Marie?”

Yes please, daddy.

He smiled gently at me as he carefully maneuvered our daughter into my arms, carefully supporting her head as I smiled down at her.

“She looks so much like you sweetheart,” ge told me in a gentle voice as telltale PAT-PAT-PAT-PAT-PAT-PAT-PAT-PAT-PATs stampeded from the end of the hall.

Incoming.

Sure enough, less than three seconds later, the door to my small hospital room flew open with a resonating CRASH and in poured a gaggle of giggles and love.

“Mommy!” Elizabeth greeted me first with a happy smile on her face. “We made drawings for your room!”

“See see?” Baby Tommy toddled up to us, brandishing a sheet of paper scarred with a mess of color.

“Oh wow!” I praised them, laughing when people wandered down from the nurses station, curious as to what all the commotion was about. “These are lovely- why don’t you go down to the nurses station and ask politely about getting some tape to hang these up?”

“Okie dokie!” Katie chirped before leading the stampede back down the hallway again.

“Never a dull moment sweetheart,” Peter chortled as I snuggled into his side. “Never a dull moment with the Ratajczyk family.”

TAGLISTS ARE OPEN/ ASK BOX IS OPEN/ REQUESTS ARE OPEN/ PLOT BUNNIES ARE WELCOMED

If you liked this, then please consider buying me a coffee HERE It only costs $3!!!

PETER STEELE TAGLIST

@rock-a-noodle

@ch3rry-c01a

#Real person fiction (RPF) #Tattooed Wings #Peter Thomas Ratajczyk #Type O Negative #Vanessa Rose Pickings/ little girl #Special needs baby #Aria Bradley #Evie Bradley #Deaf #American Sign Language (ASL) #Elizabeth Ratajczyk #Alopecia #Thomas Joseph Ratajczyk/ Baby Tommy #Autism #Katie Ratajczyk #Down’s Syndrome #Baby Violet Marie #Neonatal death #Matching tattoos soulmate AU

[universitypenguin]

Bucky Barnes is a Traditional Man

- Bucky Barnes is a traditional man in the sense that his woman comes first.

- You have more doors held open for you than you could have imagined before you began dating Bucky.

- Door to buildings, your car door (always!), he even moves one step ahead of you when you walk down the stairs in heels so he could break your fall, just in case.

- James Buchanan Barnes is quite protective of his girlfriend.

- He’s in love with you and it finally allows some of the deeper wounds from Hydra, from the war, and losing Steve to heal.

- His heart was cold and aching before he met you. Now it’s warm and soft.

- Your perspective on the world is something that attracted him to you in the first place. You’re an optimist in a jaded world and vibrant with life in a way he’s not sure he’s even capable of.

- But somehow, being with you helps bridge the gap. He can look in the mirror and not see the Winter Soldier looking back at him. Instead he sees the man from the 1940s who loved to dance and who hoped to win a boxing title.

- You gave him that man back with your care and affection, even before the two of you fell in love. And he feels such a gratitude for that his heart throbs and his eyes glass over when he thinks about it for too long.

- Bucky is a man in love and you’re happier with him than you ever thought was possible to be. Things are so good between you two; easy, light, and sweet.

- Then one night at dinner Bucky forgets his phone. He asks to borrow your to check the score of a baseball game.

- And he accidentally finds an open porn tab. Curious, he turns the screen so no one else can see and watches. His stomach twists. The appetizer from earlier suddenly isn’t sitting so well.

- Choking.

- You watch porn with men choking their women.

- He’s not judging. He’s really not. But he’d been hoping for something he could replicate for you, and this? He can’t. Not in a million years.

- He’s afraid of hurting you.

- He doesn’t say it out loud because it feels like speaking one of his worst fears into existence. He doesn’t want even the words to pass his lips and take root in your imagination.

- You can’t see him like that. Like a monster. Too many others have and there’s enough truth behind the title for him to sleep well at night, despite all his progress. But most of the time, he sleeps well. It’s because of you and he knows it. Your comforting presence allows him to relax.

- He sleeps in bed with you nowadays. He likes how firm your mattress is.

- He struggles through dinner, the video playing through the back of his mind. When you ask him what the score of the game was he can’t figure out what you’re talking about. It’s an awkward moment.

- The thing here, is that Bucky Barnes is a traditional man. His woman comes first. So he’s going to do whatever it takes to please you and he knows it.

- You always come first. Both in the bedroom and out of it. That’s one of his rules. So he’s already forming ideas about how he’s going to accommodate your kink.

- Two weeks later is your anniversary. He gets flowers, takes you to a nice restaurant and when you get home, brings up the thing.

- “I found your porn open when I borrowed your phone. I’m guessing that you like choking, doll?”

- Your cheeks turn bright red. And you stammer.

- “Hey. Don’t be embarrassed. I want to know this stuff. I need to. How can I please you if we don’t talk about it?”

- “Bucky, you don’t have to... I would never ask you...”

- He smiles. He loves that you’re protective of him in your own way. Knowing this has done a lot for his mental well-being. It makes the relationship between you two solid and strong.

- “I want to give you everything you want in bed,” Bucky says.

- “But you already do!”

- That’s true. Too many of your ex-boyfriends were quick and rough without taking the time for foreplay.

- Bucky is an expert at foreplay. He’s able to build the tension until you fall apart for him is an addiction that he feeds as often as he can. Knowing he provides for your needs like no other man before him is a point of pride for him. (Private pride, that is. Even Sam doesn’t know anything about his sex life. Some parts of 1940’s discretion is very much ingrained in him. It’s not shame. He just likes keeping intimacy... intimate.)

- Bucky is slow and sensual in bed, warm and passionate. With him sex really does feel like making love. It was on your first night together that you’d fallen for him and his patient, gentle way of touching you.

- Orgasming had been so easy when you felt worshiped and safe. And it remained that way with him. Later, these feelings heightened your desire for rough sex with your boyfriend. Because sex with Bucky was a place of security for you. He was utterly harmless towards you and in that context, rough sex would be amazing.

- But things between you two are pretty much vanilla.

- He’s always soft with you. Things can be heightened and swirling with passion, but he’s never show even a flash of aggression or force.

- The super soldier serum means he has stamina for days. He can accomplish and position you want to try, even if it involves lifting you for long periods of time. And there’s no question if he’s going to last. Also, his recovery time is so short “round two” sometimes blurs in with round one.

- But he’s careful about using his strength against you, even more so during intimate situations.

- You’re not “breakable” and he knows that. But you’re precious to him and leaving a mark that isn’t from pure passion would wreck his mental health. Permanently. He’d never forgive himself.

- You know this too, which is why you never asked him to choke you.

- “Baby doll. I want to give you your fantasy. Will you let me? Do you want that from me?”

- You do. You really, really want to be choked by him. So you quietly respond, “Yes.”

- Before he starts, you two sit on the couch and he holds you while you tell him about your fantasies. He takes off your heels while you tell him all your darkest desires. And he gives the sore arches of your feet a massage, listening intently.

- One comforting thing for Bucky is that having been a soldier, he knows how to choke someone. He’ll be able to tell if it’s too much for you. He knows how long before it would damage you. There’s some confidence forming that this will be safe and he won’t hurt you.

- It’s nice that for once his violent past is proving helpful in your relationship. He thought agreeing to choke you might rattle him a little, stirring up old emotions, but it’s soothing. He’s enjoying using what he knows to make this experience good for you.

- He lets things get rough when you go to bed. He doesn’t hold back the passion tonight. Instead, he focuses on eating you to orgasm and holding you on the edge until you pull his hair.

- “Bucky! Please!”

- Then he slides two fingers inside of you and draws fast little circles on your g-spot until you break.

- He lets up on your clit but as the orgasm fades, slides in a third finger and pounds the spot until your pussy creams on his hand and your groans are low and raw, filled with ecstasy.

- “That’s it, doll. Just like that. So pretty when you cum for me. Keep going, baby girl. I’m right here.”

- His metal arm wraps around your waist when you arch your back, holding you so he can keep toying with the spot as your hips begin to jerk away.

- When he’s finally done with your g-spot his hand is drenched. So is the sheet and your inner thighs.

- And you’re gasping for breath from the intense orgasm. When it comes on this hard you can’t really tell if it’s one long orgasm or three separate ones that came almost back to back.

- Bucky takes you in his arms, cooing sweet nothings into your ear.

- It helps you calm down when he talks in a soft soothing voice. The man should narrate meditations.

- His voice is silky and smooth for you, yet rough with repressed need. You can hear the need and it feeds your desire.

- “Please, Bucky. I need to feel you inside of me.”

- You find yourself underneath him, with your legs pushed apart and his body selling between them.

- You love feeling the weight of him on top of you.

- Then, he gently opens the petals of your sex and guides himself inside of you.

- There’s a stretch and burn as he enters you, just like there always is. Your body never quite adjusts to his girth. Each time you have to relax for him.

- He knows it’s a challenge to take him at first. He’s always careful and there’s a tube of lubricant in the side table. It’s not always needed but he’s always prepared.

- His hips begin to roll, and he sets a steady pace that pushes the tip of his cock against your spot with each thrust. At first his thrusts are shallow but as you begin to relax around him he goes deeper. His body moves forward to cover you and he starts fucking you hard.

- Each snap of his hips has you keening. Your body is so sensitive from your earlier orgasms. He keeps up the pace steady and constant until you’re begging. Then he reaches out with his metal hand and covers your throat. At this point, your channel clenches around him, almost in orgasm.

- “You wanted my metal hand baby, didn’t you?”

- Yeah. You had. The idea had fueled your fantasies night after night.

- The cool press of metal into your throat makes you moan and tremble.

- Bucky feels the shiver and worry flashes through his eyes. “This okay, doll?”

- “Yes, harder, please!”

- He can feel your body responding and it encourages him to press down, finally choking you the way you’d dreamed of.

- You orgasm almost instantly as he chokes you through your climax.

- Bucky lets go when your fluttering muscles start to ease. Suddenly he’s driving into you hard. He drops his hand from your neck, needing both to balance his weight as he seeks his own pleasure.

- The wild, rough movement is harder than the two of you have ever gone before.

- Because he’s always been afraid of hurting you with his enhanced strength until he was too far gone to think.

- When his orgasm hits, his sight goes white and he jerks against you, pumping his seed into you. Then he collapses.

- You hold him tight, savoring the press of his body and the feeling of his release inside of you.

- “You okay, doll? I wasn’t too rough?”

- “It was perfect.”

- Your hand strokes through his hair as you lay together in the same position for several minutes. Heartbeats pounding, your minds still struggling to return to equilibrium.

- Bucky recovers first. Damn that super soldier serum. It’s not fair that you’re still limp and dazed.

- He slips out of you and rolls over, bringing you with him. Your head finds its cradle in his shoulder and your eyes drift shut.

- Recovery isn’t going to happen for you tonight. You’re just going straight to sleep. You’ve earned it.

- Bucky shifts you onto your side. He gets up and you hear water running in the bathroom before a cool cloth touches between your legs, cleaning you.

- You murmur a thanks, half asleep.

- He comes back to cuddle you into his arms, adjusting the pillows around you before he lays down.

- When you throw a leg over his hip, he draws you closer so that you’re lying almost on top of him.

- “You make such a good pillow of someone with so many hard muscles.”

- Bucky chuckles and kisses the top of your head.

- “I’m glad. Go to sleep, doll. I love you.”

- “I love you too, James.”

#bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x you #drabble #bucky barnes #tfaws bucky #smut #bucky barnes smut #bucky fanfic #lemon #bullet points #winter solider #winter solider x you

[buckybarnesdiaries]

casablanca

first part — second part

© credits to the author, i found it on pinterest. if you are the author, please send me a message to add your @.

bucky barnes x reader. ⎢ masterlist.

request by anon: Hi hi hello, I’ve a request night be a tad much but up to you to judge, reader is a fellow avenger and gets severely hurt and when Bucky finds her after a battle he’s scared she might not make it and there’s a lot of “please don’t leave me/I can’t lose you” and such, pretty please maybe? 👉👈

word count: 904 words.

warnings/tags: a little angst.

author notes: none of my stories contain reader’s body descriptions to be inclusive.

Join the tag list here.

Four days had passed. Ninety-six anguish hours since Tony and Bruce removed the bullets and took you to a private hospital run by people like them. Geeks using high technology to rebuild the tissue damaged in your lung and your shoulder. You were weak. Your constants and your pulse were slower than normal. And they didn't know if you could get through this. But that wasn't the only thing that was destroying the Avengers.

Bucky didn't leave your side. He didn't sleep, nor eat. Surviving just by drinking water. He used to talk to you all the time, remembering all the moments you had shared together, remembering funny anecdotes from his past like that time he almost set on fire the Stark Expo. He also used to cry. He found himself falling into pieces on more occasions than he could count. When night came, Bucky lied on the bed by your side, wrapping you with his arms and trying to keep you warm. It turned into an obsession for him since Bruce told him the temperature your body should have.

He guarded your rest, kissing your temple or your forehead from time to time. He asked the doctors to explain to him what all the devices around you were for. He wanted to understand, to help in any way. Bucky was attentive to the clock, knowing the schedule of your medicines better than his own name —ragging if they were supplied one second late of the terms. He threatened anyone who dared to neglect you. And nobody could blame him. You were his soul mate, the person with who wanted to spend his life. James couldn't live without your love for not a single day.

“Brought you clean clothes”.

The soldier didn't notice Steve's presence till he spoke, offering him a backpack with his stuff.

“Nothing?”

Bucky put down from the edge of the bed, grabbing the bag while shaking his head. He looked deadly tired, taking all the strength from the serum running through his veins to stay awake and keep an eye on you. Walking in the bathroom, he took a quick shower to refresh his senses. Only leaving you alone if Steve was there. He didn't trust anyone else to take care of you without his presence.

The Captain took Bucky's place then, sitting on the bed and holding your left hand free of cables and tubes, to place a kiss on the back of it. He understood to perfection why his best friend fell in love with you. Steve was a man of small details and he noticed every one of them you used to have with Bucky. The kind of ones that showed how much you loved, respected, and supported him.

“Don't tell him I hate Casablanca”.

That funny confession left your sore throat in a hushed tone, not being able to speak louder yet. His eyes widened as he felt you squeezing his skin under your fingers, and he couldn't help but laugh in a soft cry. That sound captivated James' attention, running out from the bathroom barely wearing a pair of sweatpants.

“(Y/N)?” He whispered, stopping two feet away from your position.

Steve didn't doubt standing up to let his friend take that place. And he embraced you. An arm around your waist and the other around your neck. Carefully, but tightly. The tears fell from his dull eyes at the instant you made a big effort to place yours around his back. You had never been so scared of dying, only because of leaving him alone, lost, desolated. It wasn't for you, nor your family, nor anyone else. Only for him.

The Captain left the room, waiting a couple of minutes before giving the call to the doctors. You needed that moment. You needed to be that close before being set apart to continue checking your health and if the nanotechnology worked as it should. Bucky sunk his face into the gap between your neck and your shoulder, not being able to stop sobbing uncontrollably. Not believing you were awake. Tony and Bruce said it was the sign for you to stay alive, to beat the wounds.

“It was… It was my fault…” He wept because of the guilt he had been carrying since he found you moribund.

“No… It wasn't, Buck…”

“I… I got distracted… I lost you”.

“You told me to stay close and I didn't”. You replied going against his thoughts, pressing him a little more over your chest to be comforted by his weight. “I won't do it again. I promise”.

Bucky raised his face enough inches to peck your lips once and once, not having the intention of stopping unless you asked him for. But you wouldn't. You had been four days suffering more for him than for yourself —hearing him talking to you to feel accompanied in your darkness, being embraced fondly all night long, demonstrating to you that love wasn't enough to express his sentiments for you and how real they were.

“How much have you slept?” You reprimand him with a low tone, noticing the black bags under his eyes.

“Don't… Don't do that now, doll… Nobody could take care of you better than me”. He implored you, hiding his face back to your neck, having the luxury of shutting his eyes close for a brief second. “I had to do it… I had to do it”.

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#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fluff #bucky fluff #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan x reader #the winter soldier x reader #bucky barnes x female reader

[luminnara]

It’s Been a Long, Long Time | Ch 6

Summary:  When HYDRA had their prized asset, the Winter Soldier, they did something no one ever thought was possible: they gave super soldier serum to an omega. With the sole purpose of tending to him during his ruts, she spends decades living in HYDRA facilities, denied her humanity and her life. Now, years later, Bucky Barnes has his mind and his own life back...and the last thing he ever expects is to see a familiar omega again. Bucky/OC, a little angsty but mostly smutty/fluffy/romantic!

Part One | ... | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven

Tags:  @kyrah-williams @oceanmermaidwitch @shawnie--jo @super-cape @ferxaniti @namjoonwatcheshentai @fandomsstolemylife00 @youngblood199456 @nightlygiggless @darlingely @ bluemoon-icecream @kaz11283 @jenjen8675309 @dollfacev8 @witchinpractice @mystical-b3ar @sukeraa

Bucky refused to leave the omega’s side while she stayed in the lab. Bruce had to stop him from trying to crawl onto the bed with her, and after about the third time, he convinced the super soldier to just pull up a chair like a civilized person and hold her hand while she drifted off to sleep again. Now that she was with her alpha, she had settled down for another nap, more interested in resting than answering any more questions so long as Bucky stayed and kept an eye on her. 

Steve had to admit, it was endearing. He had never seen his friend so absolutely enraptured like this. Whenever the omega, or Ten, as Bruce was still calling her, shifted in her sleep, Bucky’s eyes were snapping over to make sure that she was okay. Whenever she let out a little whimper, he was purring and stroking her hair. Whenever she seemed like she might wake up again, his attention was completely on her.

“So...sure you don’t remember her?” Steve asked, pulling up a chair. He had left for a few hours to work out, and after a lack of updates from FRIDAY, he headed back down to check on everything. They were exactly as he had left them, which was a good sign. At least nothing was getting out of hand. 

Yet.

Bucky shrugged, rubbing the back of the omega’s hand with his thumb. “I dunno. It’s...foggy.”

“Well, it seems to me like you’ve either got a history together, or she’s mistaking you for someone else.” Steve said. “Quite frankly, it’s hard to do the latter.”

“I’ve dreamt of her.” Bucky said quietly. 

“...what?”

“It’s not much, but...I’ve seen her face.” Bucky looked down at her. “I think that no matter how many times HYDRA wiped my memory, she’s always been in there. Kinda like the one constant that was always around, the one thing I could always count on being in the base with me.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Steve asked.

“Never knew if she was real or not.” Bucky sighed. “I thought...maybe she was just something my mind made up to fill some of the gaps. But she smells exactly like I remember.”

Steve sat back in his chair, his arms crossed over his chest as he watched his friend. Bucky wasn’t snarling anymore, most of his attention trained on the omega while she slept. Now that he was close to her, he had calmed down significantly, though he still wouldn’t let Steve within five feet of her bed. 

“Just got off the phone with Tony,” Bruce announced, walking in. “He and Pepper will be back tonight. Pepper’s having some clothes and personal items delivered for our new omega friend here. They also asked about renovating a more permanent room for her, but I, uh...told them I wasn’t exactly sure what the situation would be.”

“She’s staying with me,” Bucky said immediately. 

“Now hang on, hang on,” Steve leaned forward. 

“Steve,” Bucky growled. “I want her with me.”

“Buck, you don’t even know her—“

Bucky interrupted him with a loud snarl, the omega in question whining and squirming in her sleep at the sound of it. 

He immediately shut up, brushing a thumb over her cheek and shushing her until she was sleeping soundly again. Fuck, he felt so stupid. What was wrong with him? She could have woken up, or been scared, or upset, all because he couldn’t keep his big mouth shut. She needed her rest, and he needed to stay quiet. 

Steve almost couldn’t believe what he was seeing. 

“Oh, Buck,” he shook his head. “You’re in deep.”

—

Amoretta woke feeling well rested, and it wasn’t until she tried to stretch and felt the tug of her IV drip that she remembered where she was. Opening her eyes revealed the bright lights of the lab, and as she started to sit up, a few faces came into view.

“Welcome back, Sleeping Beauty,” Bruce said. “How are you feelin’?”

She licked her lips. “Juice box. Now.”

“Way ahead of you. Had this one waiting as soon as you started waking up.” He tossed one to her and was pleased when her hand shot up to catch it. “Reflexes look good. Vitals are all reading normal. I’ll have to run another test to see what’s going on with those suppressants, but I’m willing to bet you’re metabolizing them fairly quickly now. How are you feeling?”

She pulled the little straw off the back of the carton and jammed it into the top. “Nauseous. Like usual.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Side effect of the suppressants?”

“Always has been. Other than that...I feel great, actually.”

“Well, as soon as these wear off, we can figure out something nicer and more modern for you. If you want to use them, I mean.” Bruce shrugged. “Your choice.”

She smiled. “Choice. I like that.”

“Hey, we’re all about independence here,” Steve said happily. He was glad to see she was awake, even though Bucky wasn’t.

The other alpha was still at her side, but, as of about half an hour ago, he was napping. Steve made a mental note to never let him forget the way he slept straight through the one moment he had been waiting for all day. 

“What time is it?” She asked. “There’s no windows in this damn place.”

“Just after dinner,” Bruce chuckled. “You slept most of the day. Bucky hasn’t left your side.”

She looked over to her soldier, smiling warmly at the sight of him sleeping. He was even snoring softly. “I haven’t gotten to see this in forty years.”

“Did you two, uh…” Steve cleared his throat. “Spend a lot of time together?”

The omega laughed. “You always this awkward around girls?”

“That’s not—“

“Relax, I’m just giving you a hard time.” She sucked on her straw. “But...yeah, we did.”

“So...you were just kept for his ruts, or…” Steve was so awkward it was almost endearing. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong. I think.”

“It’s okay. I know my lot in life.” She kept her eyes trained on Bucky as she spoke. “But if I’m going to answer more questions, I want to get out of this bed. And I want real clothes. Then I’ll talk.”

And so, only several minutes later, Bruce was handing her a sweater and some shorts he had grabbed from a little stash of extra clothing, and Bucky was startled awake by Ten stepping past him. She was finally free from all the tubes and cords that had been sticking out of her during her little hospital stay, and she was all too eager now to explore the tower.

She stood on wobbly legs, almost falling onto him when she tried to take a step. Bucky was up in a flash, ready to catch her, and as she fell against his chest, he wrapped his arms around her. Despite just waking up, he felt fully alert, completely ready to tend to his omega’s every need. 

His omega...he liked that train of thought. 

“We can head up to the common area. It should still be quiet.” Steve said, leading the way out. 

Bucky kept an arm around his omega’s waist as they followed, Bruce bringing up the rear. He wanted to be touching her at all times, constantly in contact so that he couldn’t lose track of her. His instincts were roaring to life, demanding that he do everything in his power to make sure that she was safe and in his line of sight. The elevator ride was tense and full of possessive growling, Bucky constantly shoving Ten behind him to keep her in the corner and as far away from Steve as possible, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief when the doors slid open and they could step out of the cramped space again. 

The common area was empty, thankfully, FRIDAY informing them that the other Avengers were all either working out or in their private quarters. 

“Good,” Steve said, heading towards the couches. “No interruptions. Got it, FRIDAY?”

“Understood, Captain Rogers.”

“C’mere,” Bucky mumbled, pulling his omega down to sit on one of the couches with him. Part of him was feeling a little sheepish and self conscious of his behavior...but the rest of him didn’t give a shit. The others could stare and shake their heads all they wanted, but he’d be damned if he let Ten slip through his fingers again. 

Or whatever her name was. 

Steve and Bruce sat across from them, making sure that they left as much space as possible between themselves and the new omega. Neither of them had ever seen Bucky behaving quite like this--he was on guard, hyper aware of everything around him. He made sure that she was pressed up against his side, an arm draped possessively over the back of the couch so that it was unmistakable that she was with him.

Christ, what had gotten into him? He couldn’t remember ever acting this way about an omega before. 

“So…” Steve cleared his throat, sitting with his elbows resting on his knees.

Bucky didn’t really like the way his posture made him lean forward towards his omega, but he could deal with it for now. “So.”

“What do you wanna know?” Ten asked, plucking at Bucky’s shirt. She seemed to be even clingier with him than he was with her, perfectly happy to be hanging off him or tucked up against his side. “You met my demands. I guess I’m an open book now.”

“I don’t want to overstep my bounds,” Steve said. “We just need to know as much as you’re willing to share.”

“Then ask a question.”

“...Alright.” he cleared his throat again. “You said HYDRA used you to help with Bucky’s ruts?”

Ten nodded, her expression remaining even and cool. 

“Could you tell us more about that?” Steve glanced at Bucky. “Were there ever any other omegas, or anyone we should know about?”

“There were omegas before me.” she answered. “When I first got to the compound, there were a lot of us. They kept us all in big cells, so everyone talked. People said things about how HYDRA was grabbing omegas off the street for their super soldiers, and how the one at our base was the biggest and scariest.”

Bruce raised an eyebrow at her tone. He wasn’t exactly sure what he expected her to sound like while she regaled them with her life story, but he definitely thought there would be a tad bit more apprehension in her voice. She seemed proud of herself, and more matter-of-fact than a lot of omegas would be while talking about their alpha’s previous partners. Or...whatever you called prisoners whose only purpose was to help during ruts.

“And I bet he was,” she sighed, leaning her cheek on Bucky’s chest and looking up at him adoringly. 

“Well, I don’t know about that…” Bucky said, an almost shy smile on his lips. And...was he actually blushing?

Steve was going to lose his mind. 

“You said the other omegas couldn’t handle it? That’s why you were given the serum?” he prompted, trying to keep them on track before he drowned in the sticky sweetness of her happy pheromones. 

“Right.” she turned her attention back to Steve and Bucky let out a quiet huff. “HYDRA didn’t really like to take care of us. And the soldier--I mean, Bucky--would wear them out. So...HYDRA would just kind of let them go. Or put them down, maybe. I never saw it.”

Bucky’s expression dropped. His blush was gone, and he almost looked like he was going to be sick as he listened to her talk.

“But it wasn’t his fault,” she said quickly, glancing between him and Steve. “I don’t think it was ever on purpose, you were just...demanding.”

He gave a groan, leaning his head back against the couch. “You don’t have to sugarcoat it, doll. I’d rather know what I did, at this point.”

She offered a small shrug. “I don’t really remember it being that bad, but I don’t think I ever met you before they gave me the serum.”

“That’s something, at least.” he mumbled, dragging a hand down his face. 

“Why you?” Steve asked. “Did you have any prior military experience, any ties to something the others didn’t?”

“No.” she laughed. “I never even got in fights before HYDRA.”

“Then why’d they use such an important resource on you, specifically? Not trying to take a dig at you, it’s just...well, omegas don’t usually…”

“I know,” she said. “Omegas aren’t supposed to be tough, right? That’s why they only ever let alphas become super soldiers.”

“That’s not what I…” Steve trailed off and then sighed. “Sorry.”

“I told you, they gave me the serum so that I would be strong enough to hold my own. It also ensured I would always be around, no matter how many years passed.” Her fingers found Bucky’s free hand and she took it, absentmindedly playing with the smooth vibranium knuckles. “Having me as a constant meant they could stop spending so much time and effort on always having a new omega around for him. Plus…well, I wasn’t really there, but I heard something about it once…”

“What?” Bucky asked. 

“They let you choose who was going to become your omega.” She said, looking up at him. “They gave you a bunch of scents, and you chose mine. I guess it was the only reason they didn’t, uh...humanely euthanize me.”

His eyes were wide. The thought of HYDRA killing his omega brought a low growl to his throat, his chest rumbling with the vibrations of it. “No.”

“Well, clearly they didn’t!” She said brightly. “My file said I was a kicker.”

“So they gave you, an already aggressive omega, the serum, but never gave you any trigger words or fished around in your brain?” Bruce shook his head. “Surprisingly sloppy, considering who they are.”

“It’s not like they ever sent me out into the world. I stayed in my cell all day, unless I was needed for a rut. Then I went and stayed in a different cell.” She sighed. “And if they ever needed to, they could just use the alpha to grab me.”

Bucky clearly didn’t like the thought of that. He made a frustrated sound, leaning his head back again. “Great.”

“It was never bad.” She let go of his hand, moving her fingers to cup his jaw. “You never hurt me. You wouldn’t. Sometimes, when I acted up, they would make you go retrieve me, because they knew you were the only one who could do it. If they didn’t send you, they would just knock me out.”

“So...that was it?” Steve asked. “Ruts, serum, cryo?”

“For thirty years!” She chirped. “The last time they froze me, they were freezing him, too. They always tried to keep us in cryo at the same time so that I could be thawed out and ready when he needed me. But...I guess they just...left me there?” She frowned. 

“See, that’s what I’ve been trying to figure out.” Steve said. “I didn’t see any signs of a struggle at that base. I’d say they left in an orderly fashion, but the fact that they didn’t take you along makes me think they were in more of a hurry than they made it seem.”

“Natasha might have a better idea,” Bruce suggested. “We can talk to her, try to figure out—“

“FRIDAY, open the damn door or so help me God I will rewrite your entire personality.” A voice interrupted from the other side of the door. 

“I’m sorry, Tony, but Captain Rogers asked me not to.” The AI said. 

“Well, is it an emergency?” The man scoffed.

“No emergency measures have been executed. No security breaches have been identified.”

“Then I’m sorry, but Captain Rogers does not outrank me when it comes to my own robots. Open the door, beautiful.”

She seemed to sigh. “Very well, Mr. Stark.”

Ten perked up, leaning forward slightly. She was watching the door curiously, tilting her head a little when she heard it slide open. Bucky rolled his eyes, grumbling to himself quietly and pulling her up against his side as another alpha strode in. 

“Really? Having a party without me?” the man asked, a smooth, casual air about him as he walked in and looked at everyone on the couches. When his eyes landed on the omega cuddled up next to Bucky, he stopped. “Ah, is this our new guest?”

“Go away, Stark.” Bucky growled. He didn’t like how long the other man’s gaze was lingering on his omega, not when there weren’t any scars on her neck to show who she belonged to.

“Always such a charmer, Barnes.” Tony said, flopping down next to Steve. “Lovely to see you, too. Care to introduce me to your friend? ….No, you’d rather just snarl and forget your words? I knew you were old, but I didn’t realize you were actually a caveman.”

“Tony,” Bruce groaned. “Don’t aggravate him. Please.”

“Why not?” Tony leaned back against the cushions, completely at ease and totally happy to be pressing every one of Bucky’s buttons. 

“Are you Tony Stark?” Ten asked, wiggling out of Bucky’s grip to sit on the edge of their couch. 

Bucky caught her around the waist before she could get very far, though, and dragged her onto his lap. He loomed over her, sneering dangerously at Tony as the other alpha flashed a smile. 

“Bingo.” he said. 

“I never thought I’d meet a Stark,” she admitted. “I always heard about Stark Industries, but I lived too far away from any big cities to ever get to see any of his exhibitions.”

“Ah. You’re from my father’s time. Of course.” Tony shot a pointed glare in Bucky’s direction. “Seems like Bruce left out a few teensy weensy important details on the phone today.”

“Well, it’s been, uh...an ongoing learning experience.” Bruce said sheepishly. 

“Lots of developments, huh?” Tony raised an eyebrow. 

“You could say that.” Steve said under his breath. “We came up here so Ten could be more comfortable while we talk.”

“Oh yeah? What’re we talkin’ about?” Tony asked. 

“They were asking about my time with HYDRA,” she answered, cutting in before anyone else could. “And with...Bucky.”

Saying his name felt odd. Her tongue wasn’t used to it, and her mind wanted to call him alpha, or Winter Soldier. Bucky just seemed so…casual, such a strange thing to call a deadly super soldier. When she heard herself, though, she decided that she definitely didn’t hate it. 

Bucky’s heart gave a little leap at the sound of his name falling from her lips. He wanted her to say it over and over again, in whispers and in screams, for nobody else’s ears but his. 

“...Buck?” Steve asked, pulling him away from his thoughts. “You, uh, kinda zoned out there.”

It wasn’t until Bucky looked at Steve that he realized his eyes had been trained on the omega in his lap. “Yeah?”

“...Is this seriously how you’ve spent the past day and a half?” Tony asked. “Steve, I’m sorry, and I’m sure you’re just trying to be as helpful as you can be, like always, but I think you should let these two get a room.”

Steve looked at him incredulously. “Tony, really? I’m trying to get to the bottom of why exactly HYDRA would abandon the omega they pumped full of super soldier serum. They can get a room later—“

“Yeah, uh, wonder boy? I don’t think your pal is gonna last much longer before he tries to rip our heads off.” Tony nodded towards a very disgruntled Bucky. “You can resume your interrogation tomorrow, Cap.”

Steve looked to Bruce for help, but he only offered a small shrug and stood, heading towards the door. “He’s right, Steve. They deserve some alone time.”

“But—hey!” Steve protested as Bucky picked his omega up, striding past the two alphas sitting on the opposite couch. 

“Thanks for everything, Steve.” Bucky said over his shoulder. 

Ten squirmed, peeking around Bucky’s arm as she was carried away. “Bye, Mr. Stark!”

“Don’t look at him,” Bucky growled as they walked out the door. 

“Did his father really make hoverboards? I heard once that Howard was promising hoverboards—“

“No.” He said flatly. 

“...oh.” She huffed, slumping against him. “Where are we going?”

“My apartment.” Bucky stepped into the elevator, his grip still tight around her. 

The omega perked up. “You have a whole apartment?”

He puffed his chest out a little. “Course I do. Gotta have a nice place for you, don’t I?”

“So I can stay?” Her eyes were bright and happy. “I can stay there, with you, all the time? Not just when you rut?”

He felt a sad little pang in his heart. When he spoke again, his voice was low and soft. “Of course, sweetheart.”

Then, his eyes widened as he realized what he was saying. “I mean, uh...i-if you want to, that is. I know it’s fast and all, and maybe...would you rather have your own room? Or I can stay on the couch—“

“Bucky,” she cut him off with a laugh, a soft hand cupping his jaw. “You’ve been my alpha for seventy years. I’d say we’re actually moving pretty slow.”

His expression relaxed again, lips stretching into a small smile. “Right. Yeah. You’re right.”

They spent the rest of the elevator ride in comfortable silence, Bucky rubbing his scent glands all over her hair. He wanted to make sure that the next time they encountered anyone else, she smelled exactly like him.

Like her alpha.

When the elevator came to a gentle stop at Bucky’s floor, the doors opened, and he stepped out in front of his apartment door. It opened for him, having already scanned his biometrics, revealing a small, but cozy, living room. 

He set his omega down on her feet, watching anxiously as she stepped into his quarters. Did she like it? Fuck, was it too small? It was too small. She probably hated it. Fuck, fuck, fuck...he had to salvage this somehow. 

“Well, uh…” shit, he sounded too nervous. He wanted her to think he was a strong, capable alpha. 

He cleared his throat for another start. “Welcome home, Omega.” 

Wait. That wasn’t right. Should he be calling her that? No, probably not, it sounded too possessive, too uncaring. He wished he just knew her fucking name, or something. 

“I mean…Ten?”

Shit, he sounded so stupid. He wanted to impress her, not...do whatever this was.

She just laughed, though, turning and looking at him with those eyes that sparkled like starlight. “Amoretta. My name is Amoretta.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x oc #abo #omegaverse #alpha bucky #alpha bucky barnes #it's been a long long time #avengers x reader #avengers x oc

[happytroopers]

Sick days // Hunter x reader

My google history search after this: what do they call toilets in Star Wars? Star Wars rabies?

Summary: I would do anything for Hunter, even take care of him when he has food poisoning. I saw a sick day prompt list and didn't end up using anything but it inspired this cluster fuck

TW: throwing up, alcohol mention but no use, bad writing I just love him ok

"Hey, have you seen Hunter? I need him to sign off on some damage reports." You announced as you entered the cockpit of the ship as it barreled through hyperspace, throwing a pointed look at Wrecker who was the main reason for most of aforementioned damage reports.The other members of Clone Force 99 made some sort of acknowledgment of your existence. Wrecker grinned obliviously at you as continued doing bicep curls with a GONK droid while Tech made brief eye contact with you before going back to some sort of machinery he’d dissected. Crosshair was the only one to actually somewhat answer your question, giving you a sassily quirked eyebrow and motioning down with his toothpick. "I’m assuming that super vague motion would mean he’s in the cargo hold?" You pressed but you had already turned around to go find the sergeant. "Should we tell ‘er?" You heard Wrecker ask but when no one answered him, you assumed things would be fine. Besides after almost a year with the Bad Batch, you’d walked in on them in all sorts of compromising moments. Nothing would surprise you anymore.

After popping down the ladder into the cargo bay, you did a cursory sweep. Crosshairs rifle was disassembled on a crate for cleaning, more of Tech’s mechanical experiments in a heap by the bay doors, your own trunk of belonging… but no sign of Hunter. "Hunter? Are you down here?" You poked a little further into the sleeping quarters, like any room that housed four soldiers who didn’t know how to mop, the smell chased you right back out. Shaking your head you thought to yourself, That should be considered a hazard zone. You paused by the fresher to listen for water running but heard nothing, which officially meant Hunter hadn’t been anywhere you checked, Hell, did he jump out of an airlock? Just as you were about to give up, you heard an awful noise come from the fresher. Like a bantha dying in a fire. Did some animal stow away? Absentmindedly you considered getting Wrecker to handle it- the last thing you needed was contracting some planet-specific strain of rabies. But then you considered that in the process, Wrecker would probably destroy the entire bathroom. And then everyone would be without a bathroom for the next two days… and that could get ugly. Then the noise came again, bringing you out of your mental debate. With a heavy sigh, you decided you’d have to check it out yourself. So, after pulling a random tool off your belt, you let the door slide open. To your surprise, Hunter was the first thing you saw, bent at the waist over the vac tube, bracing himself with one shaking arm against the durasteel wall. His helmet was discarded carelessly two feet closer to the entrance, and the enhanced trooper was heaving breaths, looking rather haggard. Almost stupidly the first thing that came out of your mouth was, "Oh my God, did the animal do this to you?" Hunter actually startled, which had never happened before. He was impossible to sneak up on, it was his whole thing. When he did look up at you, he looked confused, among other things. His skin pallor was four shades lighter than it was supposed to be, slightly greenish gray, and dew dropped with sweat. "Animal? What animal?" "The animal that made that-" You cut yourself off suddenly feeling dumb, now lamely dropping your defense tool. Then the disbelief, "Oh my- that noise was you?" He didn’t get the chance to answer again, instead turning his head back towards the vac tube to wretch again. Now with that information, the haggard appearance made more sense. "Hunter… you look like shit." You scolded, hesitantly moving closer, “Like, legitimately corpse like.” The sergeant coughed a bit before throwing you glare, “Thank you, (Y/L/N), that’s very helpful. Did you need something?” Damage reports long forgotten, you ignored the question instead more concerned with the trooper in front of you, “Why the hell are you standing like that? What’s wrong with you? Are you sick?”

Hunter was confused with this sudden line of questioning, turning his head to gag a little bit but this time he kept it under control to answer you, “Clones don’t get sick.”

“So this is normal for you?” You snarked right back, “Here, try kneeling, it won’t take as much of a toll on your body like that.”

At first he didn’t listen to you, just when the ship hit a patch of turbulence it triggered another wave which forced him to a knee. Then it hit you, clones don’t get sick, they’re engineered with near perfect immune systems.

“You’ve never been sick before have you?” You whispered sympathetically, he legitimately didn’t know how to handle being sick. Frowning, worried welled up in your stomach. It was almost painful to watch the man be so sick, after all how many times had he saved you or helped you out of a tight spot, so you looked away until he quieted again. This time he took a minute to catch his breath so you took some liberties.

“First, let’s get your hair off your neck and face. You’ll feel less gross.” You promised, going behind him to gently scrape his long hair into a makeshift bun and tie it off with a spare hair tie.

“What are you doing?”  He croaked, but didn’t pull away from your hands.

“Taking care of you, now shut up and let me.” While your voice was still kind, you were just stern enough not to argue with you, “Now, lean up.”

You didn’t wait for him to follow the orders, instead you started unfastening pieces of armor on his arms before moving on to the chest and torso pieces. Moments later he was able to move a little freer and his armor from the waist up was neatly stacked to you right.

“There, that should help with the overheating.” You announced, not mentioned how he couldn’t bend over properly with a piece of plastoid against his abdomen. You gave him another once over, he was taking deep breaths with his eyes closed, little baby hairs already escaping your rather pitiful man bun situation. You’d never seen him so vulnerable.

“So clones don’t get sick, why are you throwing up like my roommate after her twenty first birthday?” You asked quietly, gently moving the stray bits of his forehead.

“Would you believe that I ate an expired meal ration?” He asked with enough doubt in your voice that you immediately shook your head.

“You’re not that stupid Hunter.”

“I lost a bet with Crosshair and had to eat part of the Yalbec stinger. Tech did say it was a delicacy on some planets.” He sighed, dry heaving again.

“I also remember him saying it was mildly poisonous to humans.” You reminded him, going past him to the shelves that held shower things. Reaching into your own caddy, you produced a rag before wetting it in the sink.

“Yeah, I lost the bet before he enlightened us.” Hunter admitted, visibly relaxing when you put the cold rag on his neck before sliding into a sitting position next to him, “How do you know all this stuff?”

“Well, us normies get sick a lot.” You teased, laughing when you caught the disgusted look on his face, “But, I learned most of this stuff taking care of my hungover friends.”

“Oh, just your friends?” It was Hunter’s turn to sass you, but you just rolled your eyes. The two of you fell into a halfway comfortable silence, so you took your data pad to do a little research on Yalbec poisoning.

“You don’t have to stay for this?” Hunter reminded you, using the back of his hand to wipe sweat off his forehead. When you looked back over to him, he was staring at you. Even when puking, his eyes could stare straight through you. Hurriedly, you dropped your gaze back to your data pad.

“Well, you spend all your time taking care of them,” you motioned up towards the cockpit, “And me. So someone has to look out for you when you need it, you don’t have to suffer alone.”

His eyes softened as he relaxed slightly, you were glad to see his coloring was already getting better. But after a few moments, even the softness of his stare brought a flush to your cheeks so you just cleared your throat, “Well, the good news is that the holonet says someone of your size and weight will be fine. Symptoms should pass within twelve hours at the most, and it’s already been five.”

“Thank you, (Y/N).”

Your head snapped back up, he rarely ever called you by your first name. Somehow it almost felt intimate.

“Of course, Hunter.”

You scooted a little closer so that your knees would touch. Closer than you had ever been to him, but he didn’t scoot away. You smiled at the small contact, shaking your head.

“Can I impart on you a bit of civilian wisdom?” You asked teasingly, not even waiting him to nod. You took the rag off his neck and used it to dab sweat off his forehead, “Don’t eat random things on a dare, especially things you cut off foreign animals.”

“You’re never going to let me live this down, are you?”

“Not a chance.”

#hunter x reader #bad batch x reader #bad batch hunter x reader

[waitimcomingtoo]

Touch - p.p

chapter two: the dance

synopsis: you love him, but you can never touch him

Series Masterlist and Regular Masterlist

The day after the confession in the kitchen, the Avengers were sent on an emergency to mission in Alaska. You’d normally sit next to Peter on the jet, but you decided to give him his distance. There was an icy tension between the two of you ever since you spoke of the dance you’d been doing, something you wished would remain unspoken.

You looked at Peter and let out a sigh before getting off the jet and taking your place next to Steve. Tony stood in front of the team and rubbed his hands.

“Banner and Romanoff, stay on the main floor and contain the damage. Rogers, I want you on the west side. Try to minimize the amount of flying monkeys that get in. Bert and Ernie, you two go to the basement and try to turn off the power.”

You felt your heart sink as you and Peter were assigned to stay together. You looked at him and gave him a tight smile, but the eyes on his mask told you he was looking away.

“Yes, sir.” You nodded, fighting the urge to cry. Knowing that he felt the same was much worse than wondering if he reciprocated your feelings. Now that you knew, all you felt was pain.

You and Peter headed towards the basement in silence and you hoped it would stay that way. Peter’s head was going a million miles an hour, the mission long gone from his mind.

“Are we gonna talk about what happened between us?” He blurted, making your chest tighten.

“Nothing happened between us.” You said simply, hoping he would take the hint to drop it.

“I know.” He stopped walking. “That’s the problem.”

You stopped too, looking around before walking up to Peter.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” You mumbled. “We gotta focus on the mission, okay?”

“I can’t focus on anything anymore.” Peter laughed sadly. “Only you.”

“Peter.” You whimpered as he stepped closer to you. He raised a hand and brushed it against your cheek, and you let it linger. You leaned into his touch and looked in his eyes before yours widened in fear.

“Behind you.”

As soon as Peter turned around, he got punched in the face. You immediately jumped to his defense and fought off the intruder, but three more piled in. You and Peter fought back to back, punching and kicking at whoever came near you. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a man run out of the room with a ring of keys and let out a sigh. Peter clocked it too and looked at you.

“He had the keys to turn the power off.” He called out. “He can’t get away.”

“I’ll go get him.” You called back before running out of the room. You chased the man down and kicked him in the face, catching the keys when the flew out of his hands. He tried to get up so you put a hand on his chest and released pain into his body, making him collapse again. You smiled proudly as you ran back to the room where Peter was, freezing in your place at what you saw.

The first thing you noticed was that all the men were gone. As your eyes searched the room, they landed on Peter, who was lying on the floor. His mask was off, but what really stood out to you was the giant pipe in his chest.

“Hey, peaches.” He smiled weakly at you as blood spilled out of his mouth.

“What happened?” You swallowed gravely as you knelt down beside him. Your heart was pounding in your ears as you watched your best friends blood leave his body.

“I’ve been impaled.” Peter laughed as he touched the entry wound, craning his neck to see how bad he was. Once he saw it, he let out another laugh that made his blood gurgle in his throat.

“Peter.” You whispered as hot tears streamed down your face. You reached forward but he swatted your hands away to the best of his ability.

“Wait. Don’t touch me.” He croaked. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Well I can’t just watch you die.” You shouted as you tried to touch him again.

“Please. Don’t.” He begged as he pushed you away. “You don’t know what it’ll do.”

“But I know what will happen if I don’t, and that’s not an option I’m willing to entertain.” You shook your head as you reached for him once again.

“Please.” Peter pleaded. “Don’t.”

If the situation were different, you’d laugh at the fact he was begging you not to touch him the day after he told you how much it hurt him that you didn’t touch him.

But the situation was dire, and there was no room for laughter.

“Hold still.” You instructed as you placed your hands on either side of his face.

“Y/n. Don’t.” He said weakly, the light behind his eyes beginning to dim.

“I have to.” You whimpered as a test rolled down your cheek and landed on his face. “I can’t lose you.”

Before Peter could respond, you bent down and kissed him. You drew the pain out of his body through your lips, feeling the excruciating agony he was in transferring itself into your body. As the pain grew more unbearable, you kissed him harder. Tears of anguish were rolling down your face as your veins filled with fire. You opened your eyes in time to see the wound on Peter’s chest closing, and that’s when you collapsed.

~

Your eyes fluttered open, and quickly shut, as the fluorescent hospital lighting stung them. You let them adjust by slowly opening your eyes, looking around the room as you did. You saw Peter sitting in a chair in the corner of your hospital room and tried to call out to him, but your throat was bone dry.

“Peter?” You croaked out, making him look up. You tried to sit up in bed, but the IV’s and tubes in your body made that difficult. Every fiber in your body felt sore, so you gave up on sitting up. Peter rushed to your side and knelt down beside you, almost taking you leave hand in his but deciding against it.

“Hi peaches.” He smiled softly at you. “How are you feeling?”

“Sore.” You licked your dry lips. “What time is it? Is everyone back from the mission?”

“It’s almost 4 am.” He checked his phone. “Everyone got back from the mission safely. You’ve, um, you’ve actually been out for a few days.”

“I have?” You panicked, hating that you lost time. Peters lips tightened into a frown as tears welled in his eyes, quickly looking away so you wouldn’t see.

“We weren’t sure you’d wake up.” He mumbled as he wiped his face.

“Have you been here the whole time?” You asked, knowing the answer already.

“Where else would I be but by your side?” He smiled sadly.

“Have you eaten?”

“I can’t really keep anything down.” He shook his head. “It’s hard to eat knowing my best friend is getting all her nutrients through an IV in her arm.”

“You should get something to eat.” You said gently.

“Is that really what you want to talk about?” Peter asked hoarsely as he narrowed his eyes at you.

“Well what do you want to talk about?” You tried to joke. Peter stared at you for a moment before standing up and turning his back to you, his body language telling you he was crying. After composing himself, he looked over his shoulder.

“You almost died.” He said dully before quickly looking away.

“I know.” You swallowed, feeling uneasy all of the sudden.

“Why did you do it?” He whispered. “Why did you heal me?”

“Because.”

“Because why?” He raised his voice. “I’ve been sitting here, raking my brain, trying to figure out why the smartest girl I know would make such a stupid decision. I was on the brink of death and you still took my pain. You could have died. Do you realize that? You could have died.”

You looked at Peter for a moment before letting out a laugh that lead to a cough.

“Why are you laughing?” Peter asked angrily.

“Because it’s funny.” You laughed as you rubbed your tired eyes.

“What’s funny?”

“It’s funny how you think I wouldn’t die before I lost you.” You said as your laughter died down. You and Peter looked at each other for a moment as you realized this wasn’t just a mere crush.

This was love.

“I thought you wanted to minimize the casualties.” Peter said as tears came back to his eyes. Tears stung at your own eyes as you used all your strength to call him over with your hand.

“Come here.”

Peter wordlessly went to you and knelt down beside you. You took his hand but didn’t meet his eyes, the contact being enough.

“I want you, okay?” Your voice shook as you kept your eyes down. “Don’t you dare think I don’t want you. I think about you all the time. It debilitates me. Sometimes, I can’t even breath until you’re with me.”

“Then be with me.” Peter cried, squeezing your hand tightly.

“I can’t.” You sniffled as you let go of his hand. “It’s too dangerous.”

Peter looked at his now empty hand and sucked in a sharp breath.

“So what do we do? Just continue dancing around each other?” He raised his voice. “I can’t do that anymore. I won’t.”

“I love you.” You promised. “Isn’t knowing that enough?”

“I would have you.” Peter said in defeat. “If it were enough, I would have you.”

Without another word, Peter left the room.

Two weeks later, you were able to return to the tower. Peter stopped coming to visit you in your room, but you always saw him lurking in the waiting room. You moved back into your old room and grew to miss the sound of him knocking at your door, asking you if you wanted to watch a movie. The first time you made direct eye contact since the day in the hospital happened early one morning before training.

“Hey.” You smiled sweetly at Peter as you walked into the kitchen. Your face was still a little bruised and swollen, which made it hard for Peter to look at you.

That, and the fact he couldn’t be with the girl he loved.

“Hey.” Peter responded without looking up at you. You figured he’d be upset, but you weren’t expecting the cold shoulder. You silently got out a cereal bowl and the carton of milk.

“Mind if I sit here?” You asked politely as you pointed to the sets next to Peter.

“Sure.” Peter mumbled. You put your bowl down next to Peter’s and smiled at him, but he didn’t look at you.

“You look nice.” You tried to spark conversation. “I like this shirt on you.”

“Thanks.” Peter answered dully. Your lips tightened as you felt tears threaten your eyes.

“Please don’t shut me out Peter. It’s me. It’s peaches.” You laughed sadly as you looked at him. “I know we can’t be together but we can’t still be friends.”

“How can we be friends?” He finally looked at you. “How am I supposed to be your friend when my hands twitch because they want to hold yours so badly? Are we supposed to pretend we’re not in love with in each? And just wait until that love goes away? Is that your plan?”

“You’re not being fair. I’m doing this to protect you.” You threw your spoon down angrily and got out of your seat.

“I don’t need you to protect me.” Peter shouted as he got up as well.

“Then what do you need?” You shouted in his face. Peter immediately took your face in his hands and kissed you just as passionately as the first time. You clutched his shirt to keep him as close as possible as you kissed him back with everything you had in you. He pulled away much too soon, leaving the both of you breathless.

“More of that. That’s what I need.” He panted. “Everyday, if I could.”

“I’m not gonna change my mind about this.” You shook your head sadly.

“And I’m not gonna change how I feel about you.” Peter said definitively.

“Then nothings going to change.” You whispered as a tear rolled down your cheek.

“Alright then.” Peter stepped back from you. “The dance goes on.”

@awesomebooklover17​ @thebookwormlife​ @imanativeofswlondondahling​ @weirdr-artiest​ @serendipitous-amor​ @dummiesshort​

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@thebloodrobin @florencxs @hermayone @olixerwxxd @starkbrain @patricks-fabulous-face @tom-holland-is-bae @creatorofthegalaxy @far-from-holland @captainmarvelnerd @fermuda2

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker imagine #peter parker angst #peter parker fluff #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #iron man #tom holland fluff #tom holland fanfiction

[shoutogepi]

A Million Times Over, part 1

┌────── ⋆⋅✧⋅⋆ ──────┐

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Todoroki Shouto x American!Reader

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 11.3k holy shit this is so long guys. fuck.

[ ☀︎, ☁︎, ✘ (nsfw!) ] (series warnings)

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 : some NSFW themes but no actual smut. a lot of pining and angst. some cute moments too tho!

𝐛𝐢𝐨 : You lose all memories from the past five years of your life due to an accident-induced coma, including any recollection of your beloved boyfriend and fellow pro-hero, Shouto. He’s devastated that you don’t remember him, but the both of you are determined to get your memories back, no matter how long it takes. In the meantime, you attempt to rebuild your relationship with him… while also nurturing the spark that’s still very much lit between you two.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 : Originally I intended for this to just be a long fic… but even for my standards, this would be wayyy too long to be just in one post. I decided to split the fic into three instead, so this will be the first part of my very first multi-chap series, A Million Times Over, for my beloved Sho <3

𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 : big thank you to my sweet friend @todoscript​ for beta-reading this for me and hyping me up!! love you, can’t wait to read what you have in the works soon <3

└────── ⋆⋅✧⋅⋆ ──────┘

─── ・°* ﾟ✧:* • ｡ﾟ:*･☽･*: ｡ﾟ•*:✧ ﾟ*°・ ───

“.../n”

…

“.. y/n…”

…

🅃he buzzing noise in your ears sharpened. White light snuck between your eyelids and you groaned, fingers reaching toward your temple. Confusion burst forth as you recognized foreign, plastic tubing connected to your skin, your eyes opening wider as you began to register your surroundings.

You were in a hospital room. To be more exact, you were in the bed in the middle of the hospital room— meaning, you were the patient. The realization shocked you, and you jolted upright abruptly, suddenly all too aware of the tubes stuck up your nose. At your sudden movement, large, warm hands landed on your arms and rubbed at your skin gently, making your attention turn to the person sitting at your bedside.

“Y/n? Hey, you’re okay, love, it's alright. You’re safe, I’ve got you.” His voice was smooth and deep, an anchor for you to grab onto in the midst of your confusion.

You were gawking, staring straight at him— you couldn't help it. Your jaw was probably hanging open, gaping like a fish at the man before you. What were you in the hospital for exactly— had you gone insane and dreamed this situation up?

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

“Sh-Shouto Todoroki,” you mumbled, gaze connected with his tired but bright, heterochromatic orbs. His brow furrowed and his head tilted slightly at your courteous acknowledgement, but he brushed it aside and smiled at you instead.

Your heart was pounding in your chest as you took in his form beside you. He was tall— you could tell even though he was seated— and he was more handsome than you’d ever imagined, somewhere in his mid-to-late twenties judging by the sharp, masculine features of his face.

“Y/n…,” he breathed out, a large, calloused hand coming up to cup your jaw. Then he pulled you into a hug, his strong, muscular arms wrapping around your torso and cradling the back of your head to press you into his chest. He smelled of clean laundry and winter, a crisp, fresh scent that made an unknown comfort blossom in your chest.

Slowly you placed an arm around his neck, your other hand laying limp on the sheets as it was still connected to the IV. You rubbed his back slightly, still dazed by your apparent situation. Looking outside the open window in the corner of the room, you realized it was daytime; yellow sunlight beaming into the room and pouring onto the tiled floor. There were vases of flowers all around the room, as well as stuffed animals, cards, and balloons that all wished for your health and speedy recovery.

“I’m so glad you’re awake,” Shouto whispered into your shoulder, still holding you tight in his embrace. His voice was still low, but this time it shook with profound emotion. “I missed you… so much.”

Your body felt relaxed in his arms, even though your brain was whirring a thousand miles a minute. You had no clue how you’d ended up in the hospital, who sent you all these gifts, where you even were geographically, and most importantly, why Shouto Todoroki was holding onto you like you meant the world to him. You patted his back stiffly and he let go of you just enough to move his face in front of yours. His eyes held such love and relief, the emotions as clear as day that butterflies ruptured from your stomach. As if his expression wasn’t enough to get your heart racing, he leaned forward and captured your lips, pressing his mouth to yours in a firm but sweet kiss.

It only lasted for a minute, but it was enough to have your heart rate monitor start beeping rapidly, noisily chiming at the other side of your bed. His face was so perfect and smooth up close— you couldn’t close your eyes as you took in his astonishing beauty. Sure, you’d imagined he would be perfect… but in person, here before you, he was indescribable. The man of your dreams. And a good kisser, too.

A nurse rushed into the room, seemingly out of breath. When she caught sight of the two of you, your lips locked, and Shouto holding you so tenderly, she let out an awkward cough and pawed at her scrubs, averting her eyes as she approached your bedside. Shouto pulled away, only to plant a soft kiss on the very tip of your nose before leaning back into his seat. He had a wide smile on his lips, content-crinkled eyes settled on you as his hand enveloped yours.

“So you’re awake!” the nurse stated excitedly, busying around with the beeping machine, managing to shut the blasted thing off. “How are you feeling? Any pain, discomfort?”

You glanced at Shouto, who smiled at you warmly and squeezed your hand. If that heart rate machine was still on, surely it would be going haywire again. “Uhh, I think I’m okay… just kinda groggy,” you replied truthfully, your voice coming out hoarse. You cleared your throat and she handed you a small cup of water, which you took gratefully. You continued on after taking a few sips, the liquid cooling your irritated throat. “No pain, but I’m a little… confused, to be honest.”

“I’m sure you are, hon,” the nurse said, giving you a smile full of understanding. It made you feel a little less on edge, and you gave her a half-hearted smile back. “You were in a bad accident almost a month ago. You suffered some head trauma, and you’ve been in a coma ever since. You also had two bruised ribs, and some minor surface wounds. The cuts are all gone now, and your ribs should be almost all healed by now as well, but if you have any discomfort on your left side here,” she gestured to your ribs and continued, “just let me know. I’ll page your doctor and we’ll do a quick check-up on you in just a minute!”

You nodded slowly, the gears turning in your head. You were in an accident, and then a coma for a whole month? It all seemed so crazy to you— you can’t remember a single thing leading up to your supposed accident. Head trauma… you weren’t usually the type to get hurt, and you’d never been in a coma before. “Umm… what kind of accident was it?” you asked, looking between Shouto and the nurse, not really directing the question to either of them specifically.

“You were flung into a cement pillar during a fight, love. The blow was mostly on your side, hence your bruised ribs… but your head smacked into the pillar secondarily,” Shouto replied, his smile disappearing as an unfamiliar bitterness washed over his handsome face. “We were battling together and you were knocked unconscious instantly… you’ve been asleep ever since.”

“A fight..?” you frowned, tilting your head in confusion. “We were fighting, and you threw me against a… cement pillar?”

Shouto looked horrified at your misunderstanding, adamantly shaking his head and making his soft, two-toned hair shine in the sunlight. “No, I would never hurt you— the villain did, baby. I incapacitated them right after,” he paused, eyes casting downwards and his free hand forming into a fist at the memory, “but the damage had already been done...”

That sounded right… your job was herowork, you could at least recall that. But you didn’t think you’d ever fought beside a hero as great and renowned as Japan’s famed dual-tempered Shouto. Sure, you’d been doing your best to climb the American hero leaderboard, but you weren’t by any means at the top yet. “Umm… can you tell me.. why we were fighting a villain together, exactly?”

Shouto looked directly at you, his brow furrowing before he looked to the nurse on the other side of your bed. They shared a look, and you shuffled uncomfortably in the cotton sheets pulled up to your waist, unease sitting like a rock in your stomach.

“Y/N, can you tell me what you remember before the accident?” Shouto asked slowly, his grip on your hand tightening just a fraction. There was a sliver of something else in his voice now, a hint of urgency in his request.

You looked between him and the nurse hesitantly, racking your brain for anything you could think of. “Uhh… I don’t… I don’t remember, I— I’m sorry.”

“That’s alright hon, don’t worry. It’s common to have some confusion after just waking up from a coma. We can try an easier question. Let’s see… do you know your birthday?”

You responded instantly, and there was the tiniest amount of relief on Shouto’s face at your correct response.

“Your mother’s maiden name?”

You got that one right too, Shouto’s thumb rubbing over your knuckles soothingly in silent praise.

“How about your phone number?”

You took a second to think of it, but you answered that one too. The nurse looked over at Shouto to see his reaction, and so did you. But Shouto was frowning at you, making dread drip into your veins. “That’s your US number, love… what’s your Japanese number?”

You looked at him incredulously. “My Japanese number? Why would I need a Japanese number?” you inquired, thinking this must have been some kind of trick question.

The nurse and Shouto shared a more serious look, and Shouto swallowed as he looked away from you, turning toward the window instead. You squeezed at his hand but he didn’t respond, so you turned to the nurse instead, confused now more than ever.

“I don’t understand…,” you mumbled, hoping for some clarification from her. She smiled at you, but this time it did not reach her eyes.

“You’re in Japan, hon. You’re speaking Japanese right now… and you’re also one of the top heroes in Japan, just like your boyfriend here.”

⋆⋅✧⋅⋆⋅✧⋅⋆⋅✧⋅⋆

The next few days passed by in a blur. The hospital staff was all very kind and hospitable, but it still felt like you had woken up in the middle of someone else’s life. Even though your body was yours, and you looked just the same, you couldn’t help the unease that lingered from your imposter syndrome.

You had gone through so many tests and check-ups that they all blended together at this point. You had been poked, prodded, and quizzed the entire time since you’d woken up from your coma. There were so many different tests regarding your memory that your brain felt like melted jelly by now, and your frustration was at an all-time high.

Shouto had gotten up and left the room shortly after the nurse informed you of your situation. Your heart felt heavy for him— he seemed so excited, so relieved that you were finally awake— and this was the devastating reality that he was left to face. After patiently waiting at your bedside for weeks, this was the bitter pill he had to swallow when you had finally come-to… you imagined that he was not eager to confront such a terrible twist of fate. Yet he had come back into your room half an hour later, eyes suspiciously puffy and pink, and his nose a little stuffy, but nonetheless, he grabbed your hand and kissed your knuckles, squeezing even tighter than before. Even though you barely knew him, his presence made you feel safe, and you were glad to have him by your side.

Between your numerous mental tests and check-ins, the conversation between the two of you was surprisingly easy. He was patient with you, and kind. Apparently, you’d first met him in America at a hero convention about five years ago, and you started dating after a year and a half of being friends. Your memory had been completely wiped of the past five years, leaving your Japanese friends, coworkers, and dedicated boyfriend all in the dark. According to Shouto, you had befriended many of the top heroes in Japan, seeing as they were also your colleagues. It turned out that the numerous flower arrangements scattered about your room were from these heroes, as well as fans… though a good amount were from the heterochromatic man himself.

Shouto took care of you during your days at the hospital. He talked to the doctor after your check-ins, pulling them aside and conversing in hushed voices in the hallway just outside your door. He called your family for you and flew them out, only adding to the chaos in your hospital room. He told all of your Japanese friends and acquaintances to stay away for now, knowing that meeting them would probably just overwhelm and guilt you. And each day he would bring you a treat that you would inevitably love, proving to you that he really did know you, and that he knew your preferences and even your favorite boba order. He probably would have stayed by your bedside even through each night, but you insisted he go home and sleep in a proper bed. You already felt bad enough that he was taking a hiatus from hero work until you recovered… you didn’t need to add his future back issues to your already guilty conscience.

You found yourself enjoying your time with him. You knew who he was— you had certainly heard of him during your previous hero work that you actually remembered. You kept it to yourself that you had harbored an embarrassingly large crush on him, though. You figured he probably knew that, seeing as he was your boyfriend of three and a half years… no need to bring it up! But now that your memory had reverted back to your mental state five years ago… you inevitably had feelings for the pro hero, and you weren’t sure if he either couldn’t tell how he affected you, or if he was just being polite. Whatever the case, there was still a spark between the two of you. Even though all the progress of your relationship had been erased on your side, each day your feelings only grew for the selfless, charming, and witty half-and-half man. So much so, that you would now reach out for his hand when he would enter your room each morning, and he would smile at you and slip his fingers between yours, no matter how much it hurt to restrain himself from showing you more affection.

After about a week, you were cleared to go home. Your nurse, who you had come to know as Akari, told you that the doctor had originally wanted to keep you for longer… but that Shouto was such a doting beau that they had given you the express go-ahead, knowing you would be in the highest of care.

Your memory was still not restored, though you had started to remember odd things here and there. Like how to use your phone— it was the newest model and far from the technology you were familiar with five years ago, but you opened the device and navigated it expertly on your first go. The doctor said that that was a good sign, though it could just be muscle memory... but Shouto still gave you a small smile of encouragement. Next was when you had asked Shouto to bring you your favorite moisturizer, a Japanese brand, and you just mentioned it so casually in conversation that you would have blown right over it had Shouto not pointed it out to you. You were recalling little, mundane things here and there, but never anything big— no people, no places. No distinct memories.

Akari assured you many times that as long as you kept working at it, your memories would return. She always said it when you were frustrated— she could tell your moods and she could see how hard you were trying. But she also said it when you were doing fine, and that was when you knew she was saying it more to Shouto than anything. You were glad to have her there, because even though Shouto was there for you physically, he kept most of his emotions sealed off from you… and it was hard for you to read him. Akari was an excellent nurse, and you felt blessed to have been taken care of by her. But a tiny, minuscule part of you was jealous that she could tell how he was feeling, while you were left in the dark.

⋆⋅✧⋅⋆⋅✧⋅⋆⋅✧⋅⋆

You sighed as the car door clicked shut, feeling apprehensive. The vehicle that Shouto had driven to the hospital today is sleek, shiny, and foreign. You had no clue what model it was, but you knew it must have been expensive— the interior was framed with a polished wood that complimented the peanut-butter color of the leather seats and steering wheel. Shouto slipped into the drivers’ side next to you, offering you a small smile as he clicked his seatbelt into place.

“Are you nervous?” he asked, pausing before he turned the ignition. The car purred to life, a welcome screen popping up in the middle of the console.

You thought it over for a moment before answering, watching as he slid the parking ticket out from under the overhead visor. “A little… I think excited is a better word for it, though.”

Shouto’s smile broadened just a tad, his hand reaching over the center console and squeezing yours briefly. “Me too,” he murmured, eyes locked with yours for just a moment too long before his arm propped back against the corner of your seat, and he reversed out of the parking spot. You couldn’t help but admire his chiseled jawline as he did so, eyes flitting away quickly when he caught your lingering gaze.

The drive from the hospital to your home wasn’t long, and you were thankful that was the case— you’d have definitely felt even guiltier if he’d been driving for a long time all these days to come and see you. The city distracted you along the way, bustling and bright as ever, and your eyes were wide with wonder as you took in the colorful displays littering the streets and storefronts. Everything— everyone just seemed so alive; it was impossible to keep the smile from your face.

At one red light in particular, you saw a cat cafe, zoning in on a particularly pudgy cat snoozing at the top of the cat tree in the window. You giggled and pointed it out to Shouto, glancing over at him to see if he was looking, and the softest smile was on his lips as his eyes gazed deeply into yours. You held his stare for a moment and then looked away again, flustered and your cheeks feeling warm as you cleared your throat.

It was then that you noticed his hand lying atop the center of the console, tempting you to reach out and lace your fingers with his, like you had done so many times at the hospital. But it felt different without the safety of the white walls and medical equipment you had grown to know, somehow scarier— like he might reject you for whatever reason. You chose to keep your hands to yourself for now.

“It seems like you’re curious about the city,” he said as silence settled between the pair of you, the only noise in the cabin of the vehicle being the low melody from the radio.

You shrugged and hummed in agreement, eyes now glued to the other side of the window as countless people and businesses whizz by. “I like to know the city I’m protecting,” you answered, leaning back against the headrest. “It makes me feel more connected to the people that live here… the people we’re helping when we do our jobs. Y’know?”

Shouto nodded, humming his own agreement. “Yeah… I know what you mean,” he replied. After a short pause, he turned to you, waiting for another red light to turn green. “Maybe we can come out in disguise sometime… if that would interest you. I can show you around, we can have a little adventure.”

You visibly perked up at his suggestion, your grin making his heart flutter suddenly in his chest. “Yes! I would love that!” you beamed at him and he smiled back at you, the faintest hint of a blush dusting his cheeks.

You bit your lip as he turned back toward the road, the car shifting forward as he pressed the gas at the green signal. He was trying… so you had to, too.

“But only if we go together, okay?” You reached over and took his hand before you could chicken out. His fingers fit perfectly in between yours, and your cheeks felt hot again as you gazed intently at your intertwined hands.

Shouto let out a little breath of surprise at your action, but his fingers curled tightly around yours in under a second. “Of course… love.”

⋆⋅✧⋅⋆⋅✧⋅⋆⋅✧⋅⋆

Shouto had sent your family home, despite their protests. The doctor’s orders were for you to resume life as you normally would— apparently, that would be the quickest way for you to regain your memories. The verdict was much to your parents’ dismay, but they understood that it was the fastest means for you to return to, well, you. So they left Shouto to take care of you, and he insisted that once your memories came back, he would fly them back out to see you again, or the two of you would come to them.

Though technically he was a stranger to you, he was the closest thing to home in the strange storm of your memory loss. He had been there for you every step of the way, every day. He tended to your every need, and he even anticipated your needs before you were aware of them. That didn’t change once you arrived at your shared apartment.

If you could even call it that.

“Holy shit,” you mumbled when Shouto unlocked the door for you, gesturing for you to enter first. Your jaw was on the herringbone-patterned, hardwood floor as your eyes wandered around the entryway, taking in every design detail you came across. You barely managed to take off your shoes before you were peeking your head into the bathroom next to the entry hallway, inspecting the clean and gorgeously-furnished half-bath.

Shouto chuckled and closed the door behind him, making sure to turn the lock as he set his keys into a porcelain bowl beside the door. “Go explore, I think you’ll like what you see,” he said amusedly, a half-smirk on his pink lips as he eyed you. Your starstruck expression only grew as you padded into the open space of the living room.

A long, cushy sofa and chaise stood before the huge flat-screen that was nestled into an elegant built-in, shelves filled with books you knew and loved and ones you didn’t recognize, too. Game consoles lined the shelf below the plasma screen, and your toes curled into the fuzzy rug underfoot as you gaped at the room. Everything— even the curtains and the coasters on the coffee table— was exactly in your taste. You felt like you were in wonderland. Had you fallen down a rabbit hole and this was the magical, heavenly place you had landed in? Clearly this had to be a dream, right? You woke up as Todoroki Shouto’s long-time girlfriend, and apparently you lived here, with him?

Goddamn.

The kitchen, laundry room, main bath, office, bedroom, and master bath all fit your taste exactly the same. Only the second office and spare bedroom seemed a little out of place— they were more of a traditional Japanese design, but even though it was different, you did not mind. Even the runner on the staircase— who had a staircase in their apartment, by the way?!— was in a pleasing color and pattern. There was even a decently sized home gym, with various equipment and machines and a mirror running the length of the entire wall. By the end of your expedition, you were simply at a loss for words. You found Shouto sitting on one of the stools at the marble island that separated the kitchen and the living room, busy combing through some manila files.

“Umm,” you started, catching his attention.

He looked up at you, propping his chin onto his hand as his elbow rested on the counter. One brow quirked up, he grinned slyly at your outright astonishment. “Well?” he prompted, sitting up and rolling his neck, then stretching his broad shoulders. “What do you think?”

You try not to linger on the way the muscles rippled underneath his tight, crisp shirt, playing off your silence as shock. “It’s uh… perfect? I live here? I actually live here, right? You’re not pulling my leg?”

Shouto chuckled and shook his head. “I would never, love. Well, I have before, but no— I’m not right now. You live here. We live here. It’s all ours.”

You laughed giddily, unable to contain your excitement. Shouto smiled fondly at you, your grin infectious as your eyes wandered around the kitchen once more.

“Snack pantry is behind that door,” he nodded his head to the side and your eyes grew even starrier. He couldn’t help the laugh that trickled out of him at your instant footsteps— you were still you, after all. He knew all the ways to your heart very well, and one of them was most definitely through food.

“Woah.” Your mouth hung open once again at the rows of snacks and foods that greeted your gaze when you opened the door, the light flicking on automatically. Your eyes danced over the labels, recognizing many of your favorite flavors throughout the variety. “We could survive a whole year off of this stuff, Shouto.”

You stiffened when an arm wrapped around your middle, his front pressing up against your back as his chin fell onto your shoulder. That same comforting scent encircled you, but this time it was mixed with a subtle, woodsy aroma that made your mouth water.

Shouto breathed softly into your hair, the tip of his nose brushing the side of your neck. “I stocked up for your return, love.” He took another leisurely deep breath before he pulled back, his arm falling from your body and leaving you surprisingly cold without his touch. “Wanted you to have everything you could possibly desire.”

Your eyes inspected the pattern on the hardwood floor as he stepped away from you, your arm crossing over your front to grab onto your bicep nervously. Letting out a small laugh, you replied, “Yeah, I think you covered all the bases…”

He only hummed as he returned to his seat, sliding on a pair of thin metal glasses you hadn’t seen him take off before. You couldn’t help but think he looked incredibly handsome like this— a rare, domestic sight for only your eyes to enjoy. “Sorry I can’t entertain you at the moment,” he said, that analytical gaze locking onto you once more. “My agency asked me to look over these cases and I just have to finish them up— I’m technically on leave, but I still want to help out when I can. I only need another half hour or so. Feel free to help yourself to anything you like. This is your home, after all.”

You smiled and nodded, rolling back and forth on the balls of your feet. “Alright, I’ll try not to bother you.” Shouto frowned at your wording, but you carried on anyway. “I think I’ll poke around our room and see if I can find something that triggers a memory.” Your acknowledgement of your shared bedroom seemed to put him at ease, and with that, you grabbed a strawberry-flavored snack from the pantry before making your way past him, roaming over to the bedroom.

“You can go through my things if you want, too!” He called from behind you, having already made your way to the stairs. Choosing not to reply to his invitation, you hopped up the steps and quietly closed the door to your bedroom, hands landing on your hips. Inspecting the room from left to right, you decided to go through the toiletries in the master bath before anything else.

Before you could move even a foot in the direction of the en-suite, a furry creature darted out from underneath the bed skirt and dashed toward you. You gasped in delight at the gorgeous visage of the long-haired cat— she had bright blue eyes and fine white fur, her coat streaked with gray here and there. The cat meowed cutely and curled around your ankle, rubbing her head against your leg affectionately.

You immediately crouched down and lowered yourself to her level, fingers eagerly diving into her soft fur and offering a good scratch behind the ears. “Hi gorgeous,” you cooed, the animal mewling back at you in response. Your fingers found her collar and you flipped over the tag, reading her name with a smile. “Nice to meet you, Yuki.” 

Heart softened at the thought of Shouto owning such a pretty creature, you gave her a good long rub before you decided to move on to your quest at hand. The creature followed closely behind, twisting in between your legs as you entered the en-suite.

The bathroom was large and luxurious, just what you would expect from a pro-hero of Shouto’s standing. It occurred to you that you too, were a hero of such regard, which must explain why you could afford all the lavish things you came across while combing through the closets and cabinetry.

You went through countless skincare products, face masks, makeup items, and bathing goods on what you presumed was your side of the double sink before you peeked into Shouto’s drawers. You fingered through his hygienic products, mumbling to yourself in surprise when you came across skincare items whose existence most men would not even be aware of. You shrugged and figured that you just must be an excellent girlfriend and teacher, assuming he used them correctly.

Eventually you found his shaving items, eyes scanning the labels until you find his aftershave. Shrugging, you took the cap off, giving a tentative sniff before you realized that must be what you smelled on him earlier, when he’d pressed up against you from behind and nuzzled into your neck. You bit your lip as you recalled how his arm felt around your waist, his nose on your throat. It had felt so intimate, and oddly… natural.

It was the most contact you’d had with him so far. While you were at the hospital, he would hold your hand. Besides that first moment when you had just woken up— when he hugged and kissed you, and the fireworks that had gone off had been then overshadowed by the horrific realization that your memory had been wiped— the half-hug just twenty minutes ago was the only time he had initiated further physical contact with you.

You frowned. It wasn’t like you’d been super affectionate toward him, either. Sure, you had reached out for his hand at the hospital, and you took it again during the car ride home… but now that it was just the two of you, alone in your home… it felt different. Maybe that was why Shouto had asked if you felt nervous when you were in the car, following your discharge from the hospital only an hour ago. Had he seen it coming— this potential pitfall in the reconstruction of your relationship? You wondered how he felt about all of this, but you were too shy to ask him so directly. Not when you barely knew him.

“Missed me so much you’re sniffing my cologne?”

You froze and glanced up at the mirror, Shouto’s reflection smirking at you from his leaned position against the doorway. Your cheeks immediately went warm and fuzzy again as you capped the glass bottle, carefully placing it back into its drawer before looking over your shoulder to him. A glance at the clock on the wall revealed it had been forty minutes; you must have gotten swept up in examining your beauty products.

He didn't have his glasses on anymore, and he had changed into a solid-colored t-shirt, the crisp button-down he’d donned earlier nowhere to be seen. Damn it… you had missed your chance to ogle at him with his shirt off. At your silence, his smirk melted into a small smile, stepping forward and joining your sitting form on the heated-tile floor. “Don’t worry, I’ve done the same to your perfume before as well,” he murmured as he reached toward the drawer on your far side, his arm brushing against your back as he searched for the glass vial. “You can try it, too. It’s the most recent addition to your collection, and I personally am very partial to its scent.”

The contact made you swallow, your gaze flicking over to his. He was looking at the various perfume bottles in the drawer, though, giving you the chance to inspect his face as his hair fell forward, soft locks of red and white splaying across his forehead. He was so breathtaking up close like this… your gaze dropped to his lips. God, you wanted to kiss him. You wanted to feel those lips on yours again, to be in his arms and to be held as tenderly as you were that first day you awoke.

“Oh right,” he chuckled, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck awkwardly. “I brought it into the spare room the other day… Must’ve forgot to put it back.” He leaned back, ending the accidental physical contact with you.

You looked at him quizzically. “The spare room? Can I ask why?”

Shouto blushed and your heart thudded in your chest. Oh crap, he was so cute with his cheeks tinged pink. “Yeah… I’ve been sleeping in there since the accident. It just feels…,” he paused as he searched for the right word, eyes avoiding yours, “wrong… to be in our bed without you.”

Your own cheeks warmed at that, his confession pulling at your heartstrings. “So the perfume..?”

His cheeks darkened a few shades, the hand on his neck rubbing harder at his skin. “Ah, that’s… honestly kind of… embarrassing to explain.”

You reached out so your hand covered his, and Shouto sighed as he allowed your fingers to slide in between his. “Can I guess? Will you tell me if I’m right?” He nodded at that, deciding it was better if he didn't have to say it. “You spray my perfume onto a pillow at night and snuggle up with it?”

Shouto’s eyes widened at your immediate response, swallowing before he let out a stiff laugh and a nod. “Yeah, that’s exactly right… kind of lame, isn’t it?”

Shaking your head, you smiled gently at him. “No, I think it’s sweet. It’s just what I would do if you were away, too.”

There’s a shocked silence that filled the bathroom then, Shouto’s wide eyes fixed on you for a long, intense moment. Eventually you broke eye contact, looking to the floor with an awkward smile.

“And you don’t have to do that tonight…” you offered quietly. “If you want, I mean… you can sleep in here.”

“Is that where you’ll be sleeping?”

You looked back at him, surprised by his instant reply. “Y-Yeah, I think so…”

“Alright,” he conceded, his blank face melting into a warm smile. “Then that’s where I’ll sleep, too.”

You returned the gesture, pleased to have made him happy. “Will you be spraying me with perfume before we tuck in?” you joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“No,” Shouto answered seriously, the smile dropping from his face, “your natural scent is a thousand times better than any perfume, love. I’ve missed it lingering on our sheets.”

Cheeks warmed for what seemed like the thousandth time today, you tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and smiled, unsure of what to say. “Aha okay… well, I think you smell pretty good, too.”

⋆⋅✧⋅⋆⋅✧⋅⋆⋅✧⋅⋆

Shouto originally wanted to order in from your favorite restaurant for dinner, but you managed to sweet talk him into allowing you to cook instead. After about a week of feeling completely worthless, it was nice to have something you could finally, actually do.

The refrigerator was just as stocked as the pantry, so after analyzing the plethora of ingredients at your disposal, you decided on a meal and set off, gathering all the things you’d need in an excited hurry. Just as you were about to start washing vegetables, Shouto slipped an apron over your head, steady hands drawing the ties together at the bottom of your spine. The garment fit you perfectly, intricate design in your favorite color. You thanked him as you glanced over your shoulder, grinning up at him.

There was a somewhat somber look in his eyes, a halfhearted smile just barely curving his lips before he nodded and moved away, retreating back to the other side of the counter where he’s staked out to watch you work. He’d offered to help— numerous times, actually— but you told him to just sit back and relax. You wanted to do something for the tired man, even if it was as small as putting together a meal.

It didn't take long for you to get into a rhythm. Chopping the vegetables and preparing the other ingredients came naturally to you, and you found yourself enjoying the process. It was something familiar, which was very much welcome.

“Do we cook a lot?” you inquired, raising your voice a bit so Shouto could hear you over the sizzling pan in front of you.

He was leaning on the countertop again— he must’ve known he looked delicious like that or something— and he glanced over at you from the open book he was reading. “Mm, when we have time. It’s not that we don’t enjoy it, but usually we’re both very busy. It’s normal for us to leave early, and return home late.”

You nodded in understanding, grinding fresh peppercorns above the skillet and giving the contents a stir.

“I like everything you cook for me, though.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at that, stealing a look over at him. While your cooking had improved since your teenage years, it wasn’t like you were a chef by any means. “Everything? You’re just trying to be sweet on me.”

The corner of his mouth curled up. “Maybe… is it working?”

The sound of the food crackling from a drizzle of oil filled the kitchen for a beat, and you stared at the wilting greens before you, unable to bring yourself to look at him. “Yeah, I think it’s working…”

There was another pause in conversation, this one less stifling than before. This time, Shouto broke the ice. “Even though we’re busy people, we always have a date every Friday… It’s the highlight of my week.” His voice sounded gloomier than just a moment ago, but when you chanced a look over at him, he was smiling slightly, staring at a cabinet and seemingly off in his own memories.

You wondered which memory he was going over particularly, but didn’t want to intrude his recollection, so you focused on stirring the pan instead. Tapping your phone on the counter next to you just to make sure, your eyes flitted over today’s date. 

Thursday. 

“Tomorrow’s a Friday,” you mentioned, trying to be casual, despite your heartbeat ringing in your ears. It was stupid for you to get anxious that he’d reject you— he was your boyfriend after all. But to you, this was all  uncharted territory; foreign waters.

“Tomorrow is a Friday, yeah,” he confirmed, looking down at his book again. “It’ll be a week since you woke up.”

The realization that you’d woken up exactly one week ago—the day that caused the man so much joy and then so much pain— that that day had been on a Friday, your sacred day that was devoted to being spent with each other… it made your heart throb uncomfortably in your chest. You nibbled on the inside of your cheek, shutting off the burner and transferring the food into a serving dish. Bringing it over to the counter and setting it in front of him, you untied the apron and folded it neatly, placing that on the counter too.

“Would you… want to go out with me tomorrow, then?” you proposed smally, opening the drawers before you in search of eating utensils. You frowned when all you were met with was measuring cups and spatulas. “For our Friday date ritual, I mean.”

Shouto stood and crossed the island, opening the drawer behind you and revealing all the silverware and chopsticks. You moved to grab two pairs of chopsticks and he took your wrist gently, large thumb stroking across your skin. His other hand came to brush against the small of your back, but he chose not to grab onto you. “I would love that.”

You shared a smile and a meaningful look.

“Then it’s a date.”

⋆⋅✧⋅⋆⋅✧⋅⋆⋅✧⋅⋆

After the dishes were all washed, you agreed to watch a movie. You had initially wanted to pour over your things again, to see if anything could help your memories come back. But Shouto had suggested the two of you relax on the couch instead, explaining that  he was not surprised that you were overworking yourself, but that it was his job to make sure you took care of yourself. He further threatened that if you wouldn’t take care of yourself, then he would have to “take care of you himself”, and that left you flustered more than anything. So you dropped whatever excuse you had prepared to argue back at him and followed him to the living room.

Walking in, you blinked in awe at the spread that Shouto had set up. Numerous candies and snacks are laid out for your convenience across the coffee table. The lights were dimmed and curtains drawn, even a few candles flickering in the shadows and scenting the room with a cool, refreshing aroma. There was a pile of blankets stacked in the center of the sofa, all the decorative pillows pushed into the corners to leave one large space for the two of you to share. It was a little… dare you say it… romantic. You looked over your shoulder at him, shooting him a suspicious glance. He had led you to believe he was “taking care of you”, but it seemed he had ulterior motives, too. Not that you were complaining.

Seating yourself next to the blanket tower, you peeled one off the top before unfolding it, letting the soft fleece tickle your ankles and lay across your lap. Shouto crossed in front of the TV, grabbing two remotes from the basket and coming to sit next to you. There was a respectful amount of space between your legs, and you couldn’t help but frown at the gap. You thought that he would sit right next to you…

It took a little while for you to settle on a movie, all the films from the past five years unknown and novel to you… even if Shouto informed you you had already seen them. He went along with your selection without resistance, opting to grab one of the biscuit snacks on the table before you.

As the movie began, you leaned back against the soft cushions of the couch, not really focusing on the actors on the screen. Your eyes were trained on the television, but your mind was elsewhere, unable to distract yourself with the story. You also noticed that Shouto was sitting stiff as a board next to you, focused on nibbling at his snack. He didn’t attempt any moves at you throughout the first thirty minutes, even after he’d finished with his confection. Slowly you allowed yourself to relax, succumbing to the film and settling into the pillowy sofa.

Shouto detected your newfound relaxation, a gentle smile tugging at his lips as he watched your eyes fix on the main character and her love interest. “I’m going to make some tea. Would you like a cup, love?”

“I’m okay, thanks…” you replied softly, not really hearing him as the love interest was in the middle of their heartfelt confession.

He took a moment alone in the kitchen to calm himself. Even though you had been very receptive to him, he couldn’t help but feel hesitant whenever he touched you. He wanted you to want him; for you to want him to touch you. But he didn’t want to force anything with you, in fear that he’d scare you off or make a bad impression. He didn’t want to be pushy. Even before the accident, his heart still pounded whenever you would smile at him. When you would grab his hand, bring him something because it reminded you of him… when you would moan into his ear at ungodly hours in the night… Now it felt like his heart was in his throat every time you spoke to him, like if he said one word wrong, you’d fly away from him and never look back. It was terrifying.

Shouto shook his head. Sighing to himself, he filled his mug with water and held the ceramic in his hands, steam rising off the surface of the liquid almost instantly as he activated his quirk. He allowed the tea leaves to steep for a moment before he fished them out, steeling his nerves and returning to his spot on the couch. He couldn’t be sure, but it looked like you’d scooted over just the tiniest bit, shortening the distance between you two as he took his seat.

Your eyes flicked over to him and caught his gaze on you, inspecting the mug in his hands before giving a curious sniff. “Chamomile?”

He nodded and offered the cup to you, which you took in both hands. “Technically, it’s called Sleepytime Mix. But yes, it has chamomile. Have some, if you want.”

“Ah,” you gave a long inhale and smiled drowsily at the familiar scent. “I don’t wanna drink all your tea. And besides, it’s a little hot for me.”

“Oh,” Shouto said, taking the cup back into his hands. He focused for a second, and then the liquid no longer emitted steam, now a pleasant, warm temperature. “Try it now. Help yourself, please.” He handed the mug back to you, the light from the television flickering across his handsome face.

You blinked at him cutely, taking the mug in your hands again. Your fingers brushed against his in the transfer, and he cleared his throat slightly, skin warmed from your touch. “Wow!” you chimed after a sip, going back for another few gulps before you handed it back to him. “It’s really good. Perfect temp, Sho, thank you.”

Shouto felt his heart skip a beat in his chest, his eyes widening at the name he hadn’t heard in weeks. It sounded so good rolling off your tongue, so right. At his flustered expression, you laughed awkwardly, fingers delving into the blanket and looking away meekly.

“Sorry… I thought that that was probably what you’re used to me calling you, but I can use something else if you like.”

“No,” he said instantly, his hand automatically reaching for yours. He pried it out of the fleecy material, folding his fingers around yours. “I like it. Please call me that, I… I’ve missed hearing it.”

“Alright,” you mumbled, fingers squeezing his for a moment. You kept his gaze for a long pause, and then you duck down, scooching flush against his side and laying your head onto his broad shoulder. It caught him off guard, but after a moment of buffering, he moved, his arm tentatively wrapping around your shoulders and pulling you against his side. The action made your cheeks perhaps as hot as the tea in his mug, but you only settled deeper into his embrace, happy to be in his arms. You fixed the blanket so it covered his long legs, too, settling over the both of you snuggly.

You two stayed like that for the rest of the movie, another forty five minutes or so. Your hand gradually moved to rest on his stomach, his long fingers stroking your spine through your shirt. It was new to you, but it was comfortable— your body recognized his touch and welcomed it, even— years of unknowingly conditioning yourself to receive his affection allowing you to accept his embrace. By the end of the film, you were dozing off, warm and relaxed now more than ever, curled up into Shouto’s side.

Shouto, however, was wide awake, his pulse rushing in his ears at your proximity. It had been a very long month without you, and now here you were, cuddled up with him just like how you used to be every night. He knew you were somewhere in between consciousness and sleep, so he let the entire movie credits roll by before he decided to move you. Still holding his mug, which had been empty for the past half hour— but he didn’t want to risk moving and causing you to pull away— he set it on the side table, carefully maneuvering his wide frame so as to not disturb you.

You whined in protest but did not stir when he curled his arms around you, picking your form up and off the couch. After making sure all the candles were blown out and the lights were turned off, he quietly carried you to your shared room, not bothering to turn on the lights. It was then that he hesitated to make the next move— you were still in your clothes from the day, and he wasn’t sure if you would want him to see your bare body if he took the liberty to rid you of them.

His tongue wandered over the bottom of his teeth as he gazed at you, strewn across the soft blankets that covered your bed. The few beams of moonlight that slithered through the bottom of the blinds fell perfectly onto your face, your lashes casting long shadows onto the duvet and giving you an ethereal glow. He could imagine how your naked skin looked underneath that cute little sweater you donned, your bra strap poking out as if to tease him even more. His eyes slammed shut as he sucked in a sharp breath between his teeth, recognizing the color, and the image of you clad in the matching panties that completed the set suddenly sprung forth in his mind.

Acquainted was an understatement as to how well he knew your body, but the problem was not as simple as physicality— the problem was mental, and it could not be vanquished by anything except time, it seemed. The beautiful brain he loved so dearly was now wiped, void of all the memories the two of you had made and cherished together. Shouto clutched his stomach as he took a seat on the ottoman at the foot of the bed, feeling sick from the forceful whirlwind of emotion that came along with the thoughts that crept up on him in the night. The knowledge that you did not remember him, not even one measly memory of him, upset him more than anything.

He had not realized how much his world had shifted now that he had you. Of course, he loved you and he made great effort to ensure that you knew the extent of his devotion to you. But it wasn’t until you had woken up like this, confused and distraught, mind reverted to just months before he had even met you, that he had come to terms with just how much you meant to him. He knew that he loved you before. But now he knew the pain of being unable to hold you, and be with you— really, even talk to you like he had grown so accustomed to.

It was eating him alive, and tearing him apart.

When you had awoken after such an excruciating, lonely month, he had been overjoyed. Finally, he could be with you again— he could touch you and kiss you, hear your sweet voice, hold your body close to his as you fell asleep, and wake up with you still in his arms, groggy and adorable… except, he couldn’t. Because while you knew who he was… you didn’t, really. You didn’t know him at all. And what hurt the most was that he could see that you were trying… but at the end of the day, he was only a stranger to you. He was not your boyfriend, not anything more, other than a hero that you idolized and had a silly crush on.

At the very least, he found comfort in the knowledge that you found him attractive. Of course, you had revealed to him, albeit once you were deep into your relationship, that you had fantasized about him and fostered a schoolgirlish crush on him when you hadn’t yet been introduced. He remembered laughing at your embarrassed confession, pinching your cheeks and then kissing you through his smile… then, taking you from behind as you bent over the bathroom counter, pressing you against the mirror as he donned his hero suit, savoring your pleading moans for him to fuck you deeper, harder.

His cock twitched in his slacks, blood beginning to travel south as his interest grew for the first time in weeks. He groaned and he grit his teeth, frustrated at himself for even daring to feel desire while you laid asleep next to him, plagued by your wiped memory but sitting there looking like that. Gorgeous and untouchable.

As if his heated gaze had summoned you from your slumber, your eyes opened and you blinked at him, squinting at his silhouette in the dark of the room. Shouto recoiled even though he hadn’t been caught doing anything too suspicious; he was a good distance away from you, but still, you had caught him staring at you like a creep in the shadows.

“Sho?” you mumbled drowsily, a hand coming up to rub at your eyes. You propped your body up on your elbows, your shift stretching flush over your chest.

Shouto nearly moaned at the sight combined with the sound of your sleepy voice uttering his name. It didn't help the situation that was stirring in his pants one bit, only adding water to an oil fire. “Hey,” he replied, clearing his throat. “You fell asleep, so I brought you to bed.. Did you want to clean up before we go to sleep?”

You sighed, rolling over as you roused yourself from sleep. “Not really…,” you chuckled, and Shouto felt his chest tighten at the premise of having to get into bed with you with his problem at hand. “But I’ll be a responsible adult,” you finished, rolling out of bed and padding over to the bathroom.

He glanced over at you in the mirror as you brushed your teeth, the cat curling around his ankle and taking his attention away from you. Giving the animal a scratch underneath her chin, he tried to focus on calming himself, closing his eyes and controlling his breathing. Even though this wasn’t at all like how it had been before, it was still better than being alone. Your presence, the sound of you tidying yourself up in the nearby vicinity, took the month-long weight of loneliness off of his chest. It still stung, it still hurt— but at the very least, you were here. You were alive, and you were here with him.

It was you calling out for him that interrupted his train of thought, and when he looked toward your voice, he found you peeking around the doorframe, your hair pushed back and your face glistening with moisture from your nightly routine. “Aren’t you going to wash up, too? There’s two sinks in here, y’know,” you stated matter-of-factly, as if he didn’t know the layout of his own home.

But Shouto only smiled at you and nodded, leaving the cat and accepting your invitation for him to join you in your bedtime ritual. The situation in his pants had since relaxed, thankfully, so he didn’t have to worry as he took his place adjacent to you at the sink counter. Squeezing toothpaste onto the bristles of his toothbrush, and watching you put on your moisturizer in his peripheral, it felt almost as if nothing had changed. For the first time in a long time, he let himself forget about the horrible curveball that life had thrown at him, instead choosing to stare at you as you picked up the cat at your feet, and placed a sweet kiss on the top of its head as you cradled it in your arms.

You padded out of the bathroom first, opting to close the door behind you. After Shouto had finished his routine, he slinked out into the bedroom quietly, surprise flickering in his gaze at the pyjamas you were now dressed in— a pair of soft sleep shorts and an old t-shirt you had stolen from him years ago. He tried not to stare as you crawled into the sheets, the cat taking her perch at the foot of the bed.

The clearing of his throat caught your attention, and he licked his lip as your eyes settled on his. “Is it okay if I sleep without a shirt?” he asked, having to keep himself from smirking as your eyes widened and a flustered expression blossomed on your face. Cute.

“Y-Yeah,” you stuttered after a second of recalibrating, your eyes still trained on his. “The doctors said we should just live out our normal routine, so… whatever we normally do, we should do.” Sliding deeper underneath the comforter, you pretended to look busy as you fiddled with your phone.

Shouto bit his lip and wondered if telling you that your nightly routine of getting naked and passionate between the sheets would do you any good, but he decided against it, not willing to push his luck. Instead, he tore his shirt over his head and pulled down his pants, turning toward the wall so you wouldn’t have to look him in the eye. He could still feel your gaze on his flesh— he always could, for his skin prickled and the hairs on his body stood up as your eyes roved over every inch of him in appreciation. He didn’t need to see you to know that you were staring.

After he stepped into a long pair of sleep pants, he turned and pretended not to notice your obvious shuffling in a foiled attempt to not be caught looking at him. Carefully he slipped into the sheets on his side of the bed, ensuring not to wander too close to you in order to keep a respectful distance between your bodies… even though he wanted nothing more than to launch himself at you, and wrap his body around yours until neither of you could tell where one of you stopped, and the other started.

There was a long, stuffy silence as the two of you laid there, both of you unsure as to the level of affection you should be displaying at the moment. Shouto was doubtful that you’d want him to hold you like he so desperately desired, and you were hesitant to initiate anything with him laying frozen and a good distance away from you.

“Is this… how we normally sleep?” you wondered aloud, and though you were surprised that the words actually fell from your lips, you were grateful to have broken the rising tension.

Shouto left out a breath he had been holding at that, turning so that he was facing you on his side. “No,” he answered truthfully, his fingers sliding over the cool cotton that separated your bodies, wandering toward you at a snail's pace. “Usually… we like to,” he cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the lump that was situated there, “snuggle.”

In the quiet of the room, he could hear your lips part, a soft breath falling from between them as you processed his response. Your heart was beating faster now, body crying out for his touch, his embrace. “Can we?” you asked so softly that you hadn’t thought he’d heard you, but slowly, surely, he shuffled toward you.

You inhaled as he placed a gentle hand on your waist, pulling your body to slide across the sheets and meet him in the middle of the bed. Lifting your head so he could slip his arm beneath your neck, he brought your face into his neck, arms wrapping tight around your torso. His fingers dug into your side and the hair at the crown of your neck, curling around the tendrils as if he was scared that you would slip out of his grasp at any moment. Pressed up against his bare chest, you could hear the steady, fast thumping of his heart, and the shakiness in each breath he drew in and let out.

It sounded like he was trying not to cry.

Your hand wandered up and under his neck, your elbow angling around the back of his neck so that your fingers could trace the sinews that lined his shoulder blades. Your other arm slung around his back, and although it was just a bit of a reach, you managed to find his silky locks, combing through the ends with your fingers. Daring to push the fragile boundaries that kept you two separate, you threw your leg across his hips, trapping his legs between yours and pressing your body completely flush against his.

Shouto stopped breathing, tears threatening to spill over as he held you so delicately for the first time in what seemed like forever. Similar emotions were flowing through you as well, your body singing at the feeling of being with him, in his embrace. Your heart throbbed at the thought of leaving this man alone for an entire month, with no one to comfort him and calm his worries. No one to hold him and tell him that it was going to be okay, no one to plant kisses across his tear-streaked cheeks and help him forget his pain.

It wasn’t your fault you had been in this accident, that you had forgotten your memories from the past five years. But it wasn’t his, either. The two of you were forced to suffer in different ways, separated by your condition and worlds apart. You wished so desperately that you would just remember already— if not for your sake, then for his. Anything that would make him feel better, anything to ease the ache in his heart.

“I’m sorry,” you choked out quietly, overcome with emotion as you laid in the arms of the man you had once loved. The man you’d been learning to love again. “I’m so sorry I don’t remember you. I want to, I’m trying.” A tear dripped down your face and landed on his chest, sliding down to stain the sheets.

Shouto sucked in a shaky breath at your meager apology, rough fingers running over the back of your neck. “I know you are,” he murmured, and you could feel him swallow thickly as he tried to find the right words. “It’s not your fault, love… You can’t— you can’t blame yourself.” His voice broke at the last syllable, his arms squeezing tighter as he held onto you.

You pressed your face into the junction between his shoulder and his neck, uncaring of your tears that smeared across his skin. “Neither can you,” you sniffled, body clinging to him as best you could. “Please, Shouto, promise me you won’t.”

It was then that he let the tears he had been holding back fall, racing down his cheeks to plop onto the dampening pillow. You held him as he cried, unphased by the sudden outburst of emotion from the man who had shown you so little of himself in the past week.

“I’ll try,” he mumbled into your hair once he had calmed down a bit, lungs still rattling as he tried to suppress his emotions. “For you, I’ll try.”

You leaned back from his chest, his heart seizing up at the tear tracks on your cheeks that were illuminated by the soft moon’s glow. And then, you kissed him. It was simple and sweet, just your lips pressed to his as your thumb swiped across his cheek. But it felt like you were breathing life into him, like he had been starved of oxygen until this very moment.

Both of you gasped when you pulled away, the kiss having lasted as long as you could stand without breaking for breath. Your eyes wandered from his shining ones to his lips, shocked that you had planted such a passionate kiss there just seconds ago. It had worked, though— Shouto was breathing normally and his tears had stopped, dual-colored eyes now staring at you as if you had just given him a purpose to live. You licked your lips, not missing the way his gaze flicked down to watch the action with longing, but he did not act on it.

“We’ll get through this together,” you whispered, hand resting on his sharp jawline. There was not a hint of doubt in your voice, no hesitance nor fear. It was just a fact, simple as that. You let yourself look at his handsome face for a moment longer before you ducked and nuzzled into his chest again, taking your spot as if you had never left.

Shouto exhaled, his fingers trailing down your spine as he closed his eyes, syncing his breathing to yours. The feeling of your body wrapped around his made his bones glow with a missed sense of comfort, his heart fuller than it had been for quite some time. He welcomed sleep to take him, the exhaustion of many long and insomnia-plagued nights from the past month all piling on. Pressing his lips to your forehead as softly as he could, he closed his eyes and murmured one word, wishing with every fiber of his being for you to wake up the next morning and have just one memory of him.

“Together.”

─── ・°* ﾟ✧:* • ｡ﾟ:*･☽･*: ｡ﾟ•*:✧ ﾟ*°・ ───

.

.

...soooooooo idk how this is only part 1, shit’s 11k already 💀 ahh for those of you who made it through, thank you so much for reading and i hope you enjoyed!! there was no smut in this chapter which is so foreign to me, but i’m hoping to improve my story creation skills as part of my 2021 author resolutions... so, let me know what you think! hopefully part 2 will come to fruition soon, but it would probably come faster if i knew people were waiting for it ;) 

➥ masterlist

𝐂𝐨𝐩𝐲𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 © 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐩𝐢 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟏. 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝.

#shouto todoroki x reader #shoto todoroki x reader #shouto x reader #todoroki x reader #shouto todoroki angst #shoto todoroki angst #todoroki angst #shouto angst #mha x reader #bnha x reader #mha angst #bnha angst #shouto todoroki fic #shoto todoroki fic #shouto fic #todoroki fic #bnha fic #mha fic #my fics #series: aMTO #shouto todoroki smut #shoto todoroki smut #shoto smut #shouto smut #todoroki smut #bnha smut #mha smut

[endlessfighter]

Breate, just breathe... Chapter 2

Carlos and TK finally have that talk they should have had 2 months ago.

Read chapter 1 here

When Carlos woke up it was to the gentle scratching of TK’s fingers through his hair. Keeping his eyes closed for a moment, he enjoyed the simple feeling of the touch he didn’t know he’d get to feel again. He could feel TK twisting a curl around his finger over and over again. Carlos had no idea when he’d fallen asleep or how long he had been asleep for but he felt rested for the first time in days.

Eventually, he turned his head to the side and gently kissed the inside of TK’s wrist as his hand was stroking along Carlos’ hairline. TK startled at the touch but then relaxed and continued his ministrations.

“Hey, you’re awake” TK whispered, moving his wandering fingers along and around Carlos’ eyes, gently wiping the last bit of sleep out of them. His voice still sounded a little raspy.

“I am,” Carlos responded, sitting upright and stretching the kinks out of his back and shoulders from the awkward position he had slept in. Afterwards, he immediately grabbed TK’s hand again in his left and stroked along his forearm with his right hand.

“How are you feeling? Do you need anything?” It was just like Carlos, worrying about TK the moment his brain caught up with their situation.

“No, I’m good baby, I got everything I need” he smiled at Carlos, linking their fingers together. “My dad stopped by a little while ago. He brought me a few things. Otherwise, my throat still hurts from the breathing tube and it’s still a little hard to take a full breath. But the nurse said that was perfectly normal and at least my throat and voice should be fine again within the next couple of days.”

“Good… that’s good” Carlos responded, letting go of a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. “Why didn’t you wake me when your dad was here?”

“We didn’t want to wake you, it looked like you really needed the rest” TK said while moving his thumb over Carlos’ knuckles. “Oh! And dad brought me my phone and send me some pictures to show you” he reached for his phone with his free hand. “Grace had the baby!”

“She did?” Carlos got up to sit on the edge of TK’s bed so he could get a better look at his phone. Hand never letting go of TK’s left one. “God, she is precious! Judd won’t know what hit him when she grows up” they both huffed out a laugh as TK put his phone away.

“Did anybody else stop by to see you?”, he asked.

“Just the nurse checking up on my vitals. I think the rest of the 126 didn’t want to disturb you. Most of them stopped by and waved through the glass doors.”

“I think they needed to reassure themselves that you really are okay. You scared all of us!”

Continue on ao3

#tarlos #tk strand #carlos reyes #911 lone star #my fic

[reidgraygubler]

trouble (matthew gray gubler/fem!reader)

Title: trouble

Request: requested by anon

Couple: matthew gray gubler/fem!reader

Category: smut (*gasp* i know...) w/ a side of fluff

Content Warning: sexual content (penetrative sex, unprotected sex (be safe buddies), fingering, car sex, choking kink, daddy kink (But as a joke), masturbation, slight edging (i guess that’s what it’s called)), kinda sub!reader, kinda dom!mgg, swearing, sexual innuendos, teasing, pissed off matthew

Word Count: 4369

Summary: Reader and Matthew are going out to a dinner party with the cast of Criminal Minds. After some suggestive comments and innuendos and actions (done by reader). Matthew teaches Reader a lesson in the back seat of his station wagon.

A/N: in celebration of hitting 200 followers, i decided to pus my first smut here :) although it was a request and i was going to post it either way. this was the request i got and when i saw it i got more than excited and my mind ran wild with it! matthew 10/10 calls his partner princess in this one-shot. it’s a little bit rougher than i was expecting, but i kinda lost track of my thoughts and just went for it. thank you so much to that anon that sent this in! if you have a request or an idea, send it in! and check out my masterlist!

6/1/2021 Edit: I no longer write rpf smut. this was written before I made that change. 

~*~*~ THIS DOES CONTAIN 18+ CONTENT! ~*~*~

{***}{***}{***}

Oh boy, it was just one of those days… I could just feel it in my body that I was going to be an asshole today and nothing anyone could do could stop me from that. My sassy mood would be the one thing that gets me in trouble today, and I think I’m honestly okay with that.

I walked into the bedroom, wearing nothing but my undergarments (which consisted of my personal favorite black/mint lingerie), and tan stockings. Matthew was sitting on the edge of the bed, tying his shoes. I walked over to the closet, right past him. We should and are getting ready for a dinner party with his friends from Criminal Minds. Should being the key-word there. I loved messing with him like that.

“Woah,” he spoke ever so softly. I stayed facing the closet, but a smile grew on my lips. I gently swayed my hips as I went through the dresses I had hanging. He was staring, I knew he had to be staring. I pulled one dress out, not really thinking it’d be the one. 

“What should I wear,” I asked out to the room. The sounds of his shoes hitting the wood flooring was the answer I got instead of his voice. I pouted as I dropped my head to my shoulder, my hair hitting my arm. I jumped as his icy cold hands and arms wrapped around my middle. His face was pressed into my neck. He exhaled deeply before kissing the base of my throat. I smiled as he swayed with my movements.

“I think you should go like this. Show you off to all my friends,” Matthew hummed as he dragged his hands to the front of my hips. My hands stopped on two separate dresses and clenched the fabric in my fingers. “I think they’d enjoy that… I know I would,” he added, his thumbs playing with the lacy edges of my panties. I took a deep breath and stepped back, so I was flush against his body. 

“Matthew, obviously I can’t just go in my underwear.” I scoffed as he pushed me so there was a small space between us. I sighed deeply as he stepped away from me. “I’ll figure it out,” I rolled my eyes as he retreated to the bed. I filed through my dresses again before pulling out a black cocktail dress that I knew would drive Matthew crazy during the night. I dashed off to the bathroom to finish getting ready. “Zip me up?” I asked as I stepped back into the bedroom and stood behind Matthew. Shuffling came from behind me before he zipped my dress up.

“Ready to go?” he whispered. His breath hit the shell of my ear, causing me to swallow roughly. 

“Almost. Let me get my things together and I should be ready,” I sighed deeply. It’s going to be one of those nights, I just know it. Matthew pressed his lips to my cheek before walking away from me, again.

And that was my cue. I was quick. I’ve never been so fast to get ready for an event. He was probably getting out into the car as we speak. I grabbed a tube of lip gloss from the bathroom and tossed it into my bag before slipping a pair of plain black heels on. And then, I left the house.

And, as per my guess, Matthew was already sitting in his station wagon, waiting for me. I shuffled to the passenger’s side of the car and pulled the door open.

I looked over at Matthew as I slipped into the car. He was looking at himself in the mirror of the visor. I swallowed roughly as my eyes trailed from his perfectly sculpted face (lingering for a moment on his lips), down to his neck (where I would love to leave love bites), down his chest (and even though he was wearing a suit, I wanted to push off his dress shirt), and finally, down to his lap (a lap I would just love to sit on). And he was just there… Sitting there, doing his thing like I wasn’t imagining wanting to rip his clothes off to have sex with him right now. 

He dropped his hands from his face and rested them on his legs. I stared for a moment at his hands and their placement on his legs. I could feel my heart pick up and my head getting mildly dizzy. I took a deep breath and shook my head as I looked up at his face.

“Mm, now that’s a lap I could sit on,” I grinned at Matthew as I buckled my seatbelt in. The thought of grinding my ass into his crotch made me giggle lightly as I stared at him.

Matthew gawked as he looked over at me, his hands resting low on the steering wheel. I smiled as I folded my hands over my lap. I could feel Matthew’s eyes still on me as I looked out the window. 

“What did you just say?” he asked as he slowly started the car. I hummed before looking over at him. He was still staring at me with a dumbfounded expression on his face.

“Hm? Oh! I said are you ready? I can’t wait to see Kirsten and AJ.” I smiled as I looked at him. He raised an eyebrow, but his expression was now amused instead of shocked. At least he’s amused now… 

“Oh, yeah, I’m sure that’s exactly what you said, Princess,” Matthew glanced at me as he started his car and pulled out of the driveway. I couldn’t tell if he actually meant to call me that pet name, or if he was just teasing. Either way, he knows it gets me going. 

“And, Aisha! Oh! I miss her!” I clapped my hands together. Matthew seemed to enjoy my excitement at seeing his friends and co-workers. It’s been a while since the wrap party for the show, so it’s been a while since either of us had seen them. “I still owe her $10 for that prank she helped me play when I visited the set that one day,” I grinned at Matthew.

“Yeah, sure, because stealing and hiding my fruit roll-ups is a prank,” he rolled his eyes as he glanced at me. I smiled and nodded. “Finding them a month later though was quite a pleasant surprise. I will admit that,” he laughed lightly.

“Listen, Matthew, you were the one who invited me to set. It’s not my fault I got bored while you were filming. Someone had to keep me entertained. I’m sorry it was Aisha who took that job. We had fun that day,” I laughed as I turned to face him. I crossed my legs as I looked at him.  I pulled my purse off my body and put it in the backseat, accidentally hitting Matthew in the face. “I’m so sorry.” I looked at him with wide eyes. He looked at me with a playful irritation on his face.

“Accidents happen, just don’t let it happen again,” he glanced at me. I smiled and nodded. 

  “Won’t let it happen again,” I looked out the windshield.

The drive to the restaurant was in a comfortable, yet somehow tense, silent. I couldn’t help myself when it came to making a comment or innuendo of some sort. Matthew didn’t seem too crazy bothered by it, if anything it looked like he enjoyed it. Of course, I knew I needed to stop before we went in. So, I stayed silent when he pulled into a parking spot. 

“You ready?” Matthew asked as he pushed the visor down. I reached back for my purse and pulled it in the front. I “accidentally” hit Matthew in the back of the head with my bag as I pulled it onto my lap. Oh, no, the first time was definitely an accident. The second time was 100% on purpose. No accident this time.

He dropped his shoulders and looked over at me, annoyance on his face. I looked down at my lap and bit my lips to refrain from smiling. Oh boy, I wonder what he’s going to do. Surely he won’t yell at me.

“Choke me, daddy,” I very jokingly teased as I looked at Matthew. He looked at me with shock on his face. I smirked as I began digging around in my purse for lip gloss. When I looked back up, Matthew threw his hand over my neck and pushed my head against the headrest. I widened my eyes and looked at him. I was relieved that he was just holding his hand there, not applying any pressure. But part of me really wanted him to do it. “I was joking,” I stated in a tone that said I wasn’t sure of myself. 

“I’m not so sure you were… Princess,” Matthew smiled at me before removing his hand and turning back to the visor. I pouted at the lack of his touch and looked at him. I moved closer to him and looked up at his face. “Can I help you,” he looked away from the tiny visor mirror and down at me. I smiled and nodded before puckering my lips. 

“Please,” I whispered and batted my eyelashes at him. He laughed before kissing my lips lightly. I pouted as I turned back in my seat. I glanced at Matthew and noticed that he was still fixing his mess of hair in the mirror. I turned back to face him, grabbing his hand again. He glanced at me for a moment before looking back at his reflection. I slowly brought his hand back to my throat and looked at him.

I swallowed roughly as I stared at him, keeping his hand on my throat. Matthew just continued to mess around with his hair. “Are you busy with my hand,” he asked looking at me. I pouted and pushed his hand away from me. 

“No, I’m not,” I muttered before looking down at my phone. I looked at Matthew and pouted. “But I’d like to be,” I glared at him as I placed my hand high on my bare thigh. 

“Hold on, what do you think you’re doing,” Matthew asked as his hand shot out to grasp my wrist. I smirked and looked over at him, pushing his hand off mine. 

“Well, I wanna have fun before we go in and you won’t have fun with me. So, I’m gonna do it myself. Unless you want to change your mind,” I snipped back as I brought my hand to my panties. I honestly should’ve just forgone the underwear tonight. I don’t know why I didn’t. I could feel through the thin fabric that I was wet. He didn’t even do a damn thing to get me as wet as I am. But here I am, nearly sitting in a puddle. I suppose he just has that effect on me.

I looked at Matthew as I slid my hand into my panties and pressed a finger into my center, collecting some wetness on my finger. I gasped and lightly closed my eyes. I slowly moved my finger around my clit as I looked back at Matthew. He was silently watching me for a minute. The way he looked at me told me he was pissed. I've never seen him so mad before. I let out a soft moan as I pressed my head into the headrest.

“Matthew,” I whimpered as I looked at him. He shifted slightly in his seat as he looked back at me. I slowly circled my finger around my clit as I locked eyes with him. My breathing grew labored as I brought my free hand to my breast, kneading it over my shirt and bra. Just as I started to pick up speed, Matthew’s hand grasped my wrist and stilled my movements. I looked at him, alarmed and frustrated. He seriously did not just do that.  

“Get in the backseat, we’ll have to be quick,” he muttered as he yanked my hand from my panties. I looked at him with wide eyes. He was looking at my wet finger before putting it in his mouth. I took a deep breath, feeling more overwhelmed by the second. “Go on,” he half-ordered as he nodded to the back seat. “Don’t make me say it again,” he muttered when I stayed frozen in my seat. I nodded before getting out of the front seat and trying to move fast to the back. 

I sat in the middle of the bench seat and shimmied out of my panties. Matthew was quick to sit beside me in the backseat. He didn’t even give me time to understand what was about to happen. That’s okay, I just know I’ll get what I want.  

He gently pushed me so I was lying across the bench and he hovered over me and in between my legs. One of his knees stayed between my legs, making it so I couldn’t press them together for any sort of pleasure. Part of me hated it when he was like this, but another part loved it. He knew that too. 

“You are being such a bad girl,” he whispered, bringing his hand back to my throat. I gasped and pressed my head into the seat. I looked up at him and nodded, telling him it was more than okay to do this. He gently and carefully put pressure into his grip as he stared down at me. I struggled slightly to breathe as I locked eyes with him again. “Touching yourself in the parking lot before we go into a dinner party… With my friends nonetheless,” he kept his voice low. Matthew brought his other hand down between my legs, resting it at the top of my thighs.

“I’m sorry,” I struggled to speak as I threw a hand over his one on my neck. He cocked his head slightly as he stared at me. 

“You’re sorry, Princess?” he questioned, slowly moving his hand closer to my center. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as he moved my panties to the side. I tried to swallow roughly and nodded. “Sorry just isn’t going to do it,” he spoke, causing me to open my eyes. 

 I tapped my fingers on the back of his hand, silently telling him that I really needed air. His eyes flashed slightly with concern as he removed his hand. I took a deep breath like it was my first time breathing. It was like fire in my lungs as I inhaled and felt like I was mildly high as I exhaled.

“I won’t do it again,” I whispered as I looked up at him. We both knew that I was clearly lying when I said that. Any chance I get to act like this, I’ll do it. A small smile twitched on his lips as he inserted a finger into my center. I gasped and closed my eyes as he pumped his finger in and out of me. 

“I don’t believe you,” he whispered, pushing his hand into my hair. I stared at him, shock on my face. “You know you’ll have to be punished for that. Right, Princess,” he asked as he rubbed my clit with his thumb.  I whimpered and bit my lips together before nodding. “Mm-hmm, use your words,” his words were low. I swallowed roughly and stared at him.

“Yes, yes, I know. I know,” I spoke fast like if I didn’t speak fast enough I wouldn’t have words to say. I brought my hands to his belt buckle, going to undo his belt. I yelped when he grabbed both my hands with his one free hand. He held my hands above my head and smiled down at me.

“I’m in charge here, Princess, you know that,” Matthew moved his thumb faster. I wiggled and nodded. He leaned down close to my ear before whispering, “You don’t get to come till I tell you you can. Okay?” his tone was mildly teasing. His breath hit the shell of my ear, causing me to shiver slightly. I took a deep and shaky breath as I stared at him, a certain excitement setting in my belly. I was okay with it, honestly. 

“Matthew,” I whined as I inadvertently bucked my hips to his hand. He pulled his hand away from my center, causing me to whine loudly. I stared at him in protest. “Yes, I understand,” I cried as I stared at him. He smiled before sticking his fingers between my lips. I sucked them clean, free of my arousal, as I stared at him. He smiled at me before pulling his fingers from my mouth and placing his hand on my jawline. 

“Good girl,” he whispered. But the way he said it told me I wasn’t really a good girl. No, I knew I wasn’t a good girl. However, I was getting what I wanted, so who’s really winning and in charge? I just needed to be like this more often.

Matthew removed his hand from my face and down to his belt. Somehow, he managed to get his belt buckle undone with one hand, and managed to undo his pants. I looked down as he pulled himself out of his pants and boxers. I whined and tried to pull my hands. My hips ground into the seat beneath me to get some sort of pleasure. 

“Wanna touch you,” I cried as I pulled my hands from his grip. He laughed as his grip on my wrists got a little tighter. “Please,” I whined looking between his face and down at his length. “Matthew, please,” 

“You should have thought of that before that stunt you pulled,” he whispered before stroking himself a few times. I let out a loud whine and wiggled in my spot. He groaned slowly before lining himself up to my entrance.

 I’ve never wanted to touch this man so badly in my entire life. I wanted to run my hands in his hair, tugging at the hair on the back of his head. I wanted to drag my hands all over his chest, leaving red scratchy marks in their wake. And I wanted to wrap my fingers and hands around his cock. He is killing me right now. 

The head of his cock was pressed against me, causing me to inhale deeply. He smiled before slowly entering me. I struggled to stay still and quiet as he slowly bottomed out. I swallowed roughly as my breathing became ragged. 

“Oh, Princess,” Matthew mocked as he looked down at me as he slowly started moving his hips. I whimpered as I continuously tried to pull my hands from his grip. A smile twitched on his lips again, further frustrating me. Bastard knows how to mess with me and I hated it more than anything in the world. 

Matthew slowly, and carefully, picked up the pace of his hips. The way he brought his lips to mine made me feel dizzy. He knew how to kiss, with lips like his? Of course, he knew how to kiss. He carefully bit my lower lip before kissing his way down my jaw and to my neck. He left a small love bite on the nape of my neck, making it difficult to breathe. This level of excitement would kill me.

“Fuck,” I cried, throwing my head to the side. Matthew laughed and shook his head. A moan so loud, I swear it came from the pit of my stomach, came from my lips. He laughed again as he looked down at me

"You need to be a little quieter," he whispered into my ear. He clamped a hand over my mouth and nose to silence me. I whimpered against his hand and nodded. 

He has to know how close I’m getting. I was about to be in more trouble than I already am. He keeps playing me the way he is. If he did anything else, I would be screwed. No, no wait. I already am screwed, or being screwed. 

“You getting close,” he grunted. I sighed and nodded, trying to hold back a moan. His face twitched as he smiled at me. I closed my eyes, not wanting to look too long at him. I knew if I kept my eyes on him I’d break. I can’t break now. He’s right though, I am getting close. 

I nodded, as if my answer would give me what I wanted. He smiled before pressing his lips to mine in a rough way. When he finally pulled his hand from my wrists, I pushed my hands through his hair and kept them firmly placed on the back of his head. He groaned as I tugged lightly on his hair.

“Mmm,” I looked up at him as he pulled his head away from me. I bit my lips together and nodded. I wrapped my legs around his waist to pull him closer to me. My heels dug into his lower back as I gripped his tie with one hand. 

Matthew hooked his arm under one of my knees and lifted my leg slightly to get a better angle. I cried when a burn started to grow in my hamstring, but also when he pressed deeper into me. I closed my eyes and pressed my head into the seat. I could feel myself getting closer. Maybe he forgot what he said?

And then he stopped his movements. I opened my eyes and looked up at him, feeling anger grow suddenly on my face. Matthew was looking down at me with a smile on his lips. Although, I knew it must’ve been hard for him to stop. He was just happy to see me suffer. 

“I hate you. Please, please,” I pulled on his tie to bring him closer to my face. Matthew smiled at me before pressing his lips to mine. I whined against his lips. He laughed before slowly moving his hips again. “I’m so close,” I managed to get out through pants. 

“Yeah,” he asked the obvious. I screwed my eyes shut and nodded. I’m sure if I had it in me, I would have been more than sarcastic. But I couldn’t even begin to try. I’m sure he would keep teasing me if I was sarcastic, so my best bet was to either stay quiet or let out a grotesque sound. I went with the latter. That seemed to please Matthew. 

“Promise you won’t do that again,” he brought his hand to push my hair away from my face, before resting it on my cheek. I swallowed roughly and nodded. “Uh, use your words, Princess,” 

“I… I promise…” I spoke, my voice was soft and shaky. I pressed both my hands flat on his chest as I looked up at him. He smiled softly and nodded.

“Come on, come for me,” he whispered, keeping his hips moving at a steady pace. After a moment, I felt my body snap and tighten around him. I threw my arms back around his neck as I buried my face into his body. I shouted his name when I reached my high. My body arched up into his, and he held me close.

Matthew’s movements faltered slightly and a groan fell from his lips. I could feel him release inside me as he rode out his orgasm. Oh, that bastard. 

He gently rested me back down on the seat. I looked up at him and laughed, bringing my hands to rest on his cheeks. He looked down at me, smiled before laughing.

“I don’t know what’s so funny,” he mused as he moved away from me and sat at the way opposite end of the seat. I stayed lying down, watching as he tucked himself back in his pants.

“I didn’t know you could do that,” I smiled at him, watching as he went to the front seat. He moved a few things around before coming back to me with a handful of napkins and a pack of wet wipes. “I think I might have to break my promise and do that again,” I laughed at him again. 

“Well, now we’re late, so I hope you’re happy,” he mumbled as he cleaned between my legs. I flinched at the coolness of the wipes. When he finished cleaning me up, as best he could, he grasped my hands and pulled me so I was sitting up. I looked at him and smiled. 

“Yeah, I got my fun,” I kissed his lips. I reached upfront for my bag and pushed Matthew out of the car. I quickly fixed my hair in the reflection of the window before following close behind him. 

Of course, when we entered the restaurant, loud chatter came from the far side. Everything told me that it was Matthew’s friends doing all the talking. 

“There he is!” A familiar and friendly voice shouted as we got closer to the table. I stood beside Matthew and smiled at him. “With his lovely girlfriend,” 

“Kirsten! It’s great to see you,” I smiled at her when I saw who was talking. I walked around to embrace her. Shemar whispered something to Adam before looking over at Matthew, then at me, and then back at me.

"So sorry we're late," Matthew spoke as he pulled a chair out for me. I glanced at him before sitting. He sat beside me and smiled. "I forgot something at home and had to turn back to get it. And then the traffic here was awful." The lie he told was so easy. I'm impressed he told it so easily. 

"And I needed to change. There was a stain on the front of my dress." I looked down at my dress that I’ve been in since we left the house. I did not change... 

“You’re both walking like you just had sex,” Shemar looked between Matthew and I. I looked up at Matthew before looking at the table. I could feel my cheeks warm up. “You didn’t,”

“Yeah, we… we just had sex.” I muttered.

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[defiblover27]

Old Friends

Sorry that I have been gone for so long. Finally back to writing again. If you ever have any ideas for a story my DMs are always open. Enjoy!

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Bek is a 37 year old female with blonde hair that falls to her shoulders. She is slightly on the heavier side with and stands at just five foot three. Bek and one of her closest friends Ryan have decided to meet up at her house after they have both been busy with their professional careers and have not had the time to sit down and catch up in quite a while. Bek puts on her jeans and a shirt and then finally pulls a hoodie on over top while she waits around for Ryan to arrive before he has to go into work later in the morning. After Ryan arrives the two sit in the living room and start chatting about their current lives and reminisce the good old days of growing up together. The chatter quickly develops and they sit and laugh together as they recall some embarrassing stories that they experienced together. "I can't believe that we really did that.... Would you care for a cup of coffee before you have to leave?" Bek asks. "That would be great" Ryan responds. Bek gets up from the couch and heads into the kitchen just a few feet away. After picking up the coffee pot she turns to the walk to the sink to get some water when she suddenly feels very light headed and her tongue starts to tingle. Before she can do anything her vision goes dark. There is an audible thud and the shatter of the glass coffee pot is heard in the living room as Ryan jumps up from his seat. "You okay in there Bek?" as he turns the corner he sees the glass shards across the floor and Bek lying in the middle of the kitchen floor. "Oh my god Bek" he quickly rushes over and kneels down beside her. He shakes her shoulders to get a response and after a few shakes Bek lets out a sigh as she begins to regain consciousness. "What... what happened?" Bek asks shakily as she attempts to sit up. "You must have passed out has this happened before recently?" Ryan asks as he helps her up into a seated position. "No nothing at all, I've felt a little under the weather since this morning but besides that nothing." Bek responds as she slowly picks herself off the floor into a standing position. "I'm calling an ambulance" Ryan states as he heads back into the living room to get his phone. "No I'm fine really" Bek pleads but Ryan is already gone and dialing 911. Bek hobbles over to a bench in the kitchen by the table as she leans up against it. She can hear Ryan in the other room talking to the emergency dispatcher. She still feels lightheaded and a little woozy but brushes it off without another thought. Ryan reenters the room and stays by Bek and explains that the ambulance is on the way. After a few minutes the EMT's arrive at Bek's house and Ryan lets them in and leads them to where Bek is leaning up against the bench in the kitchen. They set down their bags and ask a few initial questions. After checking her vitals they explain to Ryan that she should be okay but they want to transport her to the hospital just in case. Bek tells Ryan to go to work and that she will call him later. The paramedics get his contact information before he leaves and he tells her to make sure to call him later. Ryan leaves the house and heads to work even though he is still worried about Bek. Jayden, one of the paramedics, asks his coworker Alex to go to the ambulance and grab the gurney since she is having trouble walking. Alex leaves the room while Jayden stays behind with Bek. "My... my chest... it..." Bek collapses to the ground for a second time. Jayden catches her as she collapses and lays her gently on the floor. He feels for a pulse and breathing. Finding none he quickly places his gloved hands between her breasts and begins CPR. He felt as each compression caused her chest to cave in and return to its position each time. After giving thirty aggressive compressions he tilted her head back, sealed his lips over her mouth, pinched her nose, and delivered a breath. He gave two full breaths into her still lungs causing her chest to rise and fall with each one. He did another round of thirty compressions as he felt a few ribs pop out of place due to

the force of the compressions. Again he gave two breaths as Alex returns with the gurney to see their patient unconscious on the floor. "What happened?" Alex asked quickly as he grabbed the heart monitor and AED from the gurney. "She went into full cardiac arrest, I've done two rounds of CPR and still no response. Alex grabbed some shears from his pocket and cut away Bek's hoodie, shirt, and bra causing her breasts to fall to the side. Jayden placed his hands between between her exposed chest and continued CPR. "We need to attempt to stabilize her before transport." Jayden announced. Alex grabbed an orange ambu bag from the O2 bag and sealed it over Bek's face. After every thirty compressions Alex squeezed the ambu bag twice to inflate her lungs. While Jayden was performing CPR Alex also attached the electrodes and AED pads to Bek's bare chest. The monitor whined to life as the line bounced up and down in v-fib. The AED charged to 200 joules as the paramedics backed away. The shock button was pushed and Bek jerked on her kitchen floor as the electricity coursed through her dying body. With no response Alex took over CPR as the AED charged to 300 in preparation of a second shock. Alex used the full weight of his body to compress Bek's chest as he felt a few of her ribs break under him. The AED announced that it was charged as they backed away and pressed the shock button. Again Bek jerked on the floor before relaxing again. "Still no response, lets give one more shock and then transport regardless." Jayden announced. Alex was already giving Bek CPR and simply shook his head in agreement. The AED was charged the 360 as CPR continued on Bek's dying body. They backed away once more as the AED was charged and shocked her again. This time the increased voltage caused Bek's chest to rise slightly off the kitchen floor before crashing back down causing her breasts to shake. "Asystole, lets roll out hopefully the ER can do something else to help her" They rolled her over before placing her on a backboard and loading Bek and all of their equipment into the ambulance and sped away. Alex hopped into the drivers seat and flipped on the lights and sirens as he attempted to get to the hospital as quickly as possible. Meanwhile Jayden was in the back of the ambulance compressing Bek's chest which now had a grayish look to it as her body began to shut down. The first few minutes of the ride were uneventful as Bek remained in asystole while her chest was being pounded away on. After pushing another round of cardiac drugs into the IV Jayden was able to force Bek's heart into v-fib as the AED was charged to 360 again. The shock caused Bek to jerk violently on the gurney before going still again. There was no change in rhythm so the AED was charged again as Jayden quickly tilted her head back and slid a metal blade into her mouth and down her throat slightly. He then passed a 8.0 ET tube down her airway and secured it with a blue holder. Attaching the ambu bag he gave a couple ventilations as he placed his stethoscope onto her cold and clammy chest to ensure it was placed properly. He was able to get it right on the first time so he dropped the bag so it laid against her face and pressed the shock button again. Bek's feet jumped off the gurney slightly and clenched up showing off the wrinkles of her small feet. Jayden began to lose hope of saving Bek as the monitor went flat once again as she went into asystole once again. Jayden pounded away at her chest as a purple bruise began to form in-between her breasts from all of the aggressive CPR. Her complexion started to fade and her lips turned to a bluish purple as her body was shutting down. She was now cool to the touch other than the center of her chest where Jayden's warm gloved hands have been so often. Each compression forced her breasts to shake violently as her chest was caved in rhythmically. He pushed another round of drugs into her dying body and gave to quick squeezes of the bag hanging out of her mouth before continuing CPR. He lost track

of how many cycles he has done so far or how long she had been down. All he knew is that he wouldn't stop until he got her heart beating again.

As they arrived at the ER Bek was still under intense CPR as her chest caved in rhythmically. They rolled her out of the ambulance as Jayden straddled the gurney. His hips placed directly on hers as his body hovered over hers as he continued aggressive compressions. Alex picked up the ambu bag laying on the gurney and gave a few squeezes every few seconds in attempt to give her much needed air. They took her directly into the trauma room as Alex gave the report. Jayden hopped off of the gurney and helped transfer Bek to the bed. They rolled her to her side and slipped the backboard out replacing it with a CPR board to get her chest in the correct position. Her nude body now laid dying on the bed as a nurse took over CPR. Jayden backed away slightly trying to catch his breath from all of the CPR that he had just performed. They placed another IV port and gave Bek her next dose of epi and continued CPR. The monitors beeped in tune with each compression that she received as her body shook around from the force. The attending doctor took out his pen light and checked her pupils. They were sluggish but reactive meaning that she still had a chance at coming back. They had no time to waste before it would be too late though. A day that went from hanging out with an old friend turned into a day where a team of medical professionals did everything they could to bring her back to life. The monitors began to bounce erratically as Bek converted into Vfib once again. The paddles were taken off of the crash cart, a large amount of gel was placed on one of the paddles as they were rubbed together, placed on her bare chest, and discharged. The shock caused Bek to flop on the bed and after the shock there was no change. CPR was resumed as the paddles were charged again to 360. In a moments notice the cold metal paddles were back on her skin as she was shocked again. This time her arms flailed to the sides and her feet scrunched up and relaxed again. Bek still did not convert so another nurse centered their hands between her large breasts as the paddles charged again.

Jayden was near the nurses station as soon as they left the room and called Ryan. "Hello is this Ryan?" Jayden asked. "Bek is not doing very well and I think that its important for you to get to the hospital as soon as possible. You are the closest thing to family that she has." He hung up the phone and looked into the trauma room as he watched the resuscitation continue. A few minutes later Ryan busted into the ER and ran toward Jayden. Jayden had to catch Ryan in his arms before he could burst into the trauma room. "What the hell is going on? She seemed okay when I left. I should have stayed with her." Ryan frantically pleaded. "She went into cardiac arrest shortly after you left. We have been doing everything that we can for her. She is in good hands." Jayden responded. Ryan could barely see into the trauma room but was able to see as everyone backed away and then as her body shook around on the bed. He fell to the floor as Jayden caught him and tried to console him.

"Asystole doctor" the nurse in charge of ventilations announced. "Push another round of epi and continue CPR please." he replied. The team worked in silence as they continued resuscitating Bek but they all knew that she was inching closer and closer to death. After three minutes at her 40 minute mark of her code the doctor asked "is there any family here?". A nurse informed him of the situation and he asked that Ryan be brought into the room. Ryan could barely hold his own weight as Jayden guided him into the room. "I'm the attending here and have been in charge of Bek's case. She was brought into the ER 20 minutes ago in full cardiac arrest. Her heart hasn't been beating for over 40 minutes. We have given her all of the drugs that we can and have done everything in our power. I am going to check for any signs of life again. Come on over and hold her hand." The two of them approached Bek as Ryan placed her hand in his. He could feel how could it was. "Stop CPR and check for pulses." The team backed away as they checked her carotid, and femoral pulses. The attending checked her pupils for the last time and found that they were fixed and dilated. "Time of Death 10:46am. I'm very sorry." The doctor announced. He left Ryan and a few nurses in the room as they started post mortem care. The disconnected the ambu bag, leads, wiped the gel off her chest, hung a toe tag on her right foot, and finally draped a white sheet over her nude body. Jayden stayed in the room with Ryan until she was taken down to the hospital morgue. Her autopsy found that she had suffered a massive heart attack.

#cpr #resus #resuscitation #defib #defibrillator