#idk if I’ve just trained myself at this point but every time i shower I think about my fave meeting their long lost child | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

toddycats · 2 years

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Hey uh,,,,, I wrote a deeply fucking personal essay? poem? just now and idk where to put it but if anyone wants to read it here u go. It's about being nb.

Knowing

I’m three. I know the alphabet in English and in French. I can read children’s books to my parents. My favorite color is green. I love horses. I watch science programs on TV with my dad every Wednesday. I don’t like my name because it is unusual. I want to change it to Ruby.

I’m four. I have a Cinderella dress that I wear everywhere. I love Disney princesses like every girl my age. I still love horses, and dinosaurs and stuffed animals and construction equipment and drawing with markers.

I’m six. All the girls in school say pink is their favorite color. I say that too. It’s still green.

I am nine or ten. I am playing MarioKart for the first time with my best friend. I choose to play as Peach, because she is the only girl character we have unlocked so far. I always play as Peach from then on, even when we have unlocked every character there is. I don’t like change.

I’m ten or eleven. I am about to leave for tennis camp. Well, it’s really just me and my friends being taught tennis by our parents’ co-worker and making up endless songs to the tune of “My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean.” My mom brings me a training bra and tells me that I have to wear it because I am starting to grow breasts. I remember crying. I don’t remember why.

I feel somehow oafish compared to the other girls my age. I wish I was delicate and pretty like them. Maybe then they would like me better. My hair is long, down to my hips. I don’t know how to make friends at school, just how to keep the ones I already have.

I have my first period. I try hiding it for all of five minutes but I’m too scared. I cry all day, to the point of hiccups. I feel like I’m becoming somebody I’m not. I really, really hate change.

I’m fourteen. I wake up one day feeling deeply unsettled. I put on my tightest sports bra and sit in the car on the road trip that my family is taking, watching the soaring canyons go by outside the window and lost in a fantasy wherein the character I am playing is a boy. This is a first for me.

I am at a friend’s house, in her basement. She tells me, as we are constructing a marble run, that a friend from school is using they/them pronouns. I don’t understand what this means in the slightest. I think later that if I was really who I claim to be, then this should have made sense to me instinctively, should have awoken some curiosity in me. All that happens is that this memory seems to crystallize in my mind, hard and solid but offering no clarity.

I have learned the word misogyny and use it liberally. I hungrily hunt down feminist memes on Pinterest.

I am lying in bed after a long day of taking college classes in high school. I admit to myself that I might be bisexual after all. I am crying. I remember promising to myself that I will never question my gender, because if I do, if I decide that I’m nonbinary, that’s how I’ll know I’m faking everything for attention. I cry myself all the way to sleep.

I tell my mom that I want to be Sherlock Holmes for Halloween: wouldn’t that be fun? (I love Sherlock Holmes) I tell her that the hardest part would be the hat but if I can find that I would be just fine for the rest of it probably and can I borrow that magnifying glass we have sitting by the phone. She looks at me blankly and asks, “Like a guy?” I go as a cartoon character who shares my name instead. She is a girl.

I’m in my prom dress, looking in the mirror. I should feel like a princess. I don’t remember how I do feel but it’s not like that.

I’m in real people college, and I’ve just taken a shower. That uneasiness starts to creep in again, like it has here and there over the years. I put on a sports bra and a sweatshirt, comb my short hair, and go to get lunch. The people passing me on the stairs give me looks. I smugly think that maybe they think that I’m not a girl. Which is ridiculous, but it feels good.

My RA says that they never really felt like a girl growing up. Never. And that’s why they knew they had to transition, that they were always nonbinary. We draw “genderbread” people. I put a tiny spot of blue in the mostly pink brain of mine because that feels right. I don’t show anyone.

I have a long-distance boyfriend, and when I’m at H&M I buy a lacy bra because I think maybe it would be nice for him to see me in it when we get back to school, in all my feminine glory. I’ve never bought a lacy bra before. I’ve long since stopped wearing skirts on a regular basis because they make me feel deeply uneasy somehow. The boyfriend ghosts me long before he ever gets to see the bra.

I’m in the dining hall, waiting for a scoop of mediocre food. The lovely older man who is serving that day always calls each of us “ma’am” or “sir” in a lighthearted way. He calls me “sir” then immediately corrects himself and I feel delight as I’ve never known in his confusion. I eat my food and listen to a worn-out musical playlist that serves as the only bulwark against the tide of anxiety that has been rising all year.

I’m in bed with the guy I consider then to be the love of my life. He jokes that my breasts are 20% of the reason that we are together. I feel sick.

I can’t get out of bed in the mornings. I hyperventilate every time I go to the grocery store.

I’m alone in my apartment. I am wearing two sports bras at once. Also a big black hoodie. I have tied my shoulder-length hair back because I can’t stand to look at it. I’m trying to remember what feeling like a girl feels like. I don’t know if I have a memory of it or not.

I have a panic attack at his cousin’s wedding. I’m wearing a dress for the first time in a long time and realizing that nobody will ever love me enough to marry me. My makeup is running.

I’m being broken up with. He has tears in his eyes and so do I. I remember screaming that I’m nonbinary and I want to use they/them pronouns and that’s the real truth, so do with that what you will. He is quiet a minute and then says that he doesn’t believe in that, but he’ll respect it because it’s me. I cry myself to sleep again.

I cut my hair in the bathroom mirror. I feel insane while I’m doing it, I feel relieved.

My friend (the one with the basement) gives me a binder that she got secondhand from the person who has used they/them pronouns all these years. She says I need it more than her, that she just wears it for fun anyways. I start to wear it every day and it is a bit fun, actually.

I graduate college. I walk in a button-up and the binder and yellow Vans and I feel alive.

My anxiety improves. I don’t know if it’s the Lexapro or not being with him anymore or coming out. I don’t know that I care.

One time, for a class in high school, I wrote an essay about grey areas. I don’t know where it went, I can’t find it anymore. I wrote it about the bisexual identity that I was questioning at the time, but a part of me wants to find it and read it through for some clue, any clue, that I might have been nonbinary even back then. Because that would change something, I think.

I’ve been told that people don’t just decide that they’re trans. That they must always have known. That the people around them must always have known. I don’t think I knew. I don’t think I was ever certain about anything. Does this make me a liar?

#salem speaks #my writing #not furry #not art #trans stuff #nonbinary

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missmonsters2 · 3 years

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today I feel awful... idk my insecurities are taking over me and I just want to curl into a ball and cry. maybe it's my hormones maybe the fact that I weighted myself and found out I gained weight (I can't fit into my jeans 😭) and the fact that I saw my sister in a tight skin dress looking perfect while I'm in my pj's just destroyed my confidence. I need something angsty to read to make me forget about my sad, miserable lffe right now. would you be down in writing sth angsty with nat maybe? you don't have to though. it's fine either way. I really appreciate all of your work and I keep reading on repeat whenever I'm feeling down. makes me cheer up. thank you, van ❤️

It's like we're the same person because I also went to visit my sister recently and my sister has gotten her life together and is living her best hot girl bod while I...let's not go there.

I just want you to know that you're hot as fuck and a body is just a body that we can change with time and effort. We're lit rally in this together. This time next year, we will be rocking the body that makes up happy and we'll be healthy!!! 💘💘

But I will still give you nat angst...but with a happy ending bc I said you deserve a HEA!!

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The Withers of Springtime Bloom

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: Spring is a time of blooming and when things come back to life. You can't help but notice things that may be causing your relationship with Natasha to wither.

Warnings: self-esteem issues, insecurities about body, relationship with working out and food, seasonal depression. angst with HEA.

Count: 2.1k~

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You're not sure when things changed.

Things change so slowly after all.

Without you noticing, things change and change and change until one day, you do notice.

You notice that Natasha has become quieter, somber.

You notice the lack of date nights and affectionate touches.

You notice that you've let yourself go a little.

You're standing in front of the mirror, staring at your body with a frown. You've gained weight since dating Natasha, but relationship weight gain was normal, wasn't it?

But you remember how Natasha was just as fit as she was before she met you. Sure, she was a superhero, and you were a regular civilian; there was no reason for you to train long hours as Natasha did.

Still...

You turn to the side and peer at yourself in the mirror again.

You can't help but wonder...were you becoming less attractive to her?

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It had been the beginning of fall when you met Natasha. You loved the season of change and when things turned into warm colors before withering away for winter to come.

Natasha had come like a blessing, and in the winter, she was just warm as the colors of fall. Instead of withering away, she bloomed and invested that warmth in your relationship with her.

Despite always being an early riser to work out, weekends were the days she stayed in bed with you just a little longer. There had been so many breakfasts, lunch, and dinner dates. You found yourself moving things around or neglecting to work around her busy schedule.

Perhaps that was when things began to change. Eating out so often and forgoing working out to spend time with Natasha was what led to this.

Spring has arrived, and things are coming back to life. Yet somehow, your relationship with Natasha was withering away.

"Hey," you greet her as you come home, shopping bags in hand. You bought some more clothes when things felt like they didn't fit comfortably anymore. The experience had been upsetting for you, and you didn't end up buying too much, telling yourself you didn't want to spend too much when you were going to lose the weight.

Natasha was working in her office, peering down over reports, and barely acknowledged you other than with a hum.

"Long day?" You ask her as you put your things away and walk over to her.

"Yeah," Natasha sighed. "Trying to get these reports done since Maria needs them tomorrow."

That had been Natasha's excuse for spending long hours in her office every night for the last two weeks.

You place your hand on Natasha's shoulder with a reassuring squeeze, but she leans to the side as if to readjust herself, but still away from your touch.

The sting immediately comes, but you try to push it down, so it doesn't hurt as bad.

"Right," you say hoarsely, but Natasha stares on at the reports. "I'm just going to get ready for bed. It's been a long day and all. Let me know if you need anything."

Natasha gives you a nod as you leave the room. You feel awkward as you lie in the bed you share with her. You wonder if you're taking up too much space.

There's a pang of something as you try to curl yourself to be smaller and only distantly realizing you've skipped dinner before you fall asleep.

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You fall back onto the mat, chest heaving and your lungs burning.

It's been a while since you've worked out, and now you're definitely paying for it with how unfit you are.

The gym is moderately empty with the hour it is. You hate going to a public gym because it always feels like someone is staring, but it's better for strangers to stare than working out at the Compound for people you know to stare at you.

The rational part of you knows that you should just talk to Natasha, but the emotional side of you whispers that you won't like what Natasha has to say, that she might even end it before you've had a chance to change yourself.

When weeks pass, and you weigh yourself again, you almost start crying because you've only lost a couple of pounds.

It's normal, you know it is. You're losing weight at a normal rate, but it's not enough. You know fast weight loss wouldn't make sense for your body but you also feel you don't have half a year to go back to your normal weight.

You sit on the bathroom floor for hours, debating what to do when you hear a quiet knock.

"Sweetheart, are you in there?" Natasha's muffled voice comes through.

You wipe at your eyes furiously as you stand up.

"Y-Yeah," you answer back. "I'm just in the tub soaking."

There's a moment of silence through the door before Natasha answers back, "Alright. Enjoy yourself. Did you want me to order anything specific for dinner?"

"No, it's okay," you tell her. "You order anything you want. I already ate on my way home." You think about the chicken salad you've been eating for the past two weeks and almost sigh.

Natasha answered that she just came back to see if you've eaten, but she actually had to head back to the Compound. You were Natasha shuffling around before leaving through the front door, and you let out the breath you were holding.

You actually take a long, hot shower before putting on sweats and a big hoodie.

The truth was, you were hungry. The chicken salad was okay on the way home, but it had been a couple of hours since.

You knew starving yourself wasn't the answer, so you went into the kitchen to see if you could find something healthy to hold you over until you could go to bed.

But you can't find anything in the fridge except for Natasha's leftovers from whatever she ordered the day before. You can't find anything except frozen pizzas and microwavable foods.

You check the calories on the back and let out a frustrated sigh. Checking your watch, you realize it's too late in the evening to go grocery shopping because, by the time you get there, stores will have closed.

You slump down on the floor, leaning against the cabinets as you let out a pathetic whimper while your eyes became hot with tears.

You miss Natasha. You want Natasha holding you and telling you it would be okay. But you couldn't have that until you were back to what you were when you met her.

The front door suddenly opens.

"Have you seen my—sweetheart?" Natasha started to call before she noticed you sitting on the floor. "What's wrong?"

You use your sleeve to wipe at your eyes as you sit up straight.

"Nothing," you sniffle before you start to stand. "I just stubbed my toe against the edge of the kitchen island. What were you looking for? USB? You left it next to the bedside."

Natasha stares at your back, hair still wet as she takes in your attire.

"It's a little hot to be wearing a hoodie and sweats, isn't it?" Natasha asks softly. "Doesn't seem like you turned on the aircon in here."

You keep walking, but Natasha starts to follow you.

"'m cold," you say quietly so she can't hear the tremble in your voice.

"Are you feeling sick?" Natasha asks with concern as you sit down on the couch, turning on the TV. You pull the blanket over you as if to make your point.

"No," you tell her because you don't want her to worry. "Just cold after a bath."

Natasha sets her things down before she takes a seat next to you. Even in the low lighting, she can see your eyes rimmed red and dampness of them.

You're refusing to look at her as you have your knees drawn up to your chest and stare stubbornly at the TV screen.

Then she hears it.

Your stomach grumbles.

"Are you hungry, sweetheart?" Natasha asks softly again. "We can just order food and stay in tonight."

Your cheeks grow hot. "Don't you have to be at the Compound?"

You don't mean to snap at her, but you can't help but feel embarrassed.

Natasha remains quiet for a moment, quickly thinking over the last few weeks before she feels guilt trickle in.

She doesn't remember the last time she ate with you—doesn't remember the last time she saw you eat.

"Sweetheart," she calls you gently again, and you bristle at the tone. "Is there something wrong?"

The fragile dam you've built to keep the weeks of compiling emotions at bay breaks, and you're hurtling down the stream over the waterfall.

"Are you not in love with me anymore?" You choke out as you begin to cry.

You can't even register to feel horrified at your breakdown because you just need to know.

"I know...I know my body has changed since we first met and I've gained weight but I really am trying to lose it. I just—I feel like you're avoiding me. At first, I thought things at work have been really stressful for you, and I wanted to give you space but you're gone all the time. You're gone even when you're here."

Natasha can barely understand anything you've said after hearing you say the first part. Her breath hitches painfully in the back of her throat, and she legitimately feels appalled at herself.

She starts to say something, but you keep going.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to make this about me because if you're going through something then I want to support and be there for you. But I can't help but feel like you're grossed out by me. I mean—I feel grossed out when I look at myself. I feel like I'm taking up so much space—"

Natasha cuts you off abruptly, pulling off the blanket as she pulls at you until you're in her lap.

"Nat—"

"You're not gross and this is not about the weight you have or have not gained. You hear me?" Natasha says forcefully as she holds you close to her, hand over your thigh to keep you against her.

"God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry if I've been making you feel like you're not attractive me," Natasha's eyes well up as your tears wet her shoulder. "You're literally still the most gorgeous person I've ever met and you're always going to be that to me."

Natasha's hand at your waist dips underneath your hoodie, her fingers trailing up your back as she sighs at your warmth. "I should've told you, but the springtime is just really hard for me. It's odd because it's a time for things to come back to life but some of the worst things have happened to me during the spring and things blooming makes me think about things that aren't coming back. I think it's also just a little bit of seasonal depression too. I'm just the rare percentage that gets it in the spring."

The explanation makes your body sag with relief because while you feel so horrible that there is a reason Natasha doesn't like spring, she's not falling out of love with you.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize that I was hurting you," Natasha apologizes again. "I didn't mean to be so distant but I didn't want to bring your mood down as well, which is why I've been working so much to keep busy."

"It's okay," you muttered as your turn your head, forehead pressed against her neck. "I'm sorry spring is depressing for you."

Natasha merely hushes you as she kisses the side of your head.

You begin to feel awkward, thinking about how you must be heavy on her and try to move, but Natasha doesn't let you.

"Sweetheart, I don't know how to convince you that you're perfect to me," Natasha says so seriously as she forces you to look at her. "If you want to lose weight because that is what you want, then I support you. But I need you to understand that I love you no matter what. I don't care either way because you're so fucking lovely to me always. Do you understand?"

Timidly, you reply, "Okay. Thank you."

Natasha presses her lips against yours in a long kiss before she pulls back.

"Now, I'm going to ask again. Are you hungry? We can order in and watch that new show on Netflix I heard was pretty good from Wanda."

You feel lighter. You think you might still want to work out because that would make you happy, but you don't feel the rush like you did just a couple of hours ago.

"Yeah," you say shyly. "But maybe something not so heavy?"

Natasha nods as she presses another kiss into your cheek as she helps you settle onto the couch right beside her to grab her phone.

"Anything to make you bloom."

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x y/n #natasha romanoff angst #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanoff oneshot #black widow x reader #black widow x you #black widow imagine #avengers imagine #avengers x reader #mm: my fics #g.angst #g.fluff

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shorkbrian · 3 years

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Shouto, but as a pleasure dom

(Warnings - overstim (like a LOT), dubcon/noncon (implied, but it’s there), penetration (oh shidd get it shouto), oral (heck he rlly be getting up in there) (and frick idk what else lmk if I missed sumn)

You barely even knew where you were.

A bed was beneath you, that was a fact you were confident in.

There was a fireplace in the room, wood crackling gently, firelight dancing shadows onto the ceiling, the ceiling your unfocused eyes were looking towards.

You were shivering, but not from cold. The room was warm, almost too warm, sweat on your temples, heat trapped in your stomach.

A hand was splayed on your stomach, slender, large. It was warm too, almost burning, matching the sizzling sensation beneath your skin.

It was holding you down, keeping you flush to the bed.

Shouto was kneeled between your legs, your lower half pulled to the edge of the bed. He had your legs over his shoulders, his warm palm smoothed over your stomach to keep you in place. His other hand was entwined with one of yours, grip icy, burning your fingers with cold.

His mouth was working at your cunt, relentless and excruciatingly pleasant, tongue quickly lapping at your folds, then swirling around your clit before dipping lower to plunge inside your entrance.

“Sho-tou, Sh-ah! Ah! Ohmygod wait, shout-O!”

No matter how you moved, his mouth followed you, sucking, pulling your pleasure from you. The man had already made you cum countless times, you couldn’t even remember at this point, body flushed and buzzing with overstimulation.

Still, the pleasure built up again, settling low in your stomach, your clit throbbing, tingling with each rapid flick of his tongue.

The sounds that were being made were absolutely filthy; wet smacks, sucking noises, slurping, lewd squelches and suckling as he worshiped your cunt with his tongue. It felt so good it hurt, making you cry, hips working desperately to pull away, even though there was no escape.

“Please, oh... It feels-feels-! It’s too much Shouto oh my gOD-!”

Another orgasm tore through your body, limbs convulsing, hand squeezing Shouto’s icy palm in a death grip as you wailed.

The man didn’t stop slurping at your cunt.

He was as he always is - steady, measured, relentless in pursuit of his goals.

And his goal right now was to make you cry and scream his name.

Another pass of his tongue, this time with it flattened out completely to drag slowly over your folds. The tip of his tongue hit your clit as he pulled back, and your legs jerked, a desperate whine bubbling out of your throat.

He dove back in after a quick breath, kissing around your lower lips, tongue flicking out to tease your sensitive, dripping hole. When he thrust it inside, you squeaked at the sensation, hips twitching. You could feel Shouto’s smile, feel the flash of his teeth pressed against your skin, the stretch of his cheeks.

Honestly, his determination was a bit frightening. You were sure your thighs were wrapped around his head tight enough to make it hard to move, yet the man worked with ease, drawing back to spit on your cunt, leaning close again to attack his mouth around your clit and suck.

Another orgasm had you thrashing in his hold, crying out, begging for Shouto to wait, stop, too much.

Pleasurable, painful minutes passed as he worked you up to cum again, pussy throbbing and soaked with slick and his saliva.

After making you cum again, Shouto finally relented, pulling away with a wet snack of his lips.

“You’re delectable. Wish you’d let me taste you more.” You both knew that he would take you whenever he saw fit, whether or not you were in the mood.

Most of the time, he was decent, listening when you said no, or told him not to touch.

Other days, he was akin to a bratty child, brow furrowing when you tried to refuse him, eyes hardening. He’d stride towards you with his long legs, and there was no escape. Those days, “no” wasn’t an appropriate answer.

Today was one of those days.

“Why do you taste so good.” He half-moaned, quickly diving back between your legs to give one last, messy lick.

“ShoUTO PLEASE!” You yelled, clit buzzing, skin burning with every sensation. Even his hand on your belly was too much.

“I’m sorry dear, I just can’t help myself sometimes.” He breathed, once again composed and poised as he kneeled between your legs.

Shouto let go of you hand, rising to his feet. The sight of his clothes form reminded you that your body was entirely bare. You probably looked a mess, hair disheveled, dried sweat sticking to your skin under new droplets, limbs trembling, body flushed.

Shouto began unbuttoning his shirt, eyes never once leaving you.

“Absolutely breathtaking.” He murmured, more to himself than you.

You were exhausted, couldn’t even hold yourself up. You let your legs drop, feet resting limply against the floor, body relaxing into the bed. You hoped with every fiber of your being that Shouto was undressing only to help you shower, then you could flop back into bed and sleep forever.

You knew that wasn’t going to happen - it never did.

His shirt came off, then his pants, and finally his boxers. You still shrank under his relentless gaze, and while you knew he was appraising you with love and wonder, your insecurities couldn’t help but rear their heads.

It was hard to listen to insecurities when Shouto was wringing orgasm after orgasm from your spent body. You suppose that’s why he’s like this.

The man had such a beautiful body, sticky legs, thick in build, but slender in their muscles appearance. A defined, softly muscled torso, and strong arms. His pretty face, always seemingly calm and passive, only changing when he was really upset, or lost in the throes of passion and pleasure. Shouto was pretty all over, really, with his smooth skin, manicured nails, the soft, silken strands of his dual-colored hair.

Even his cock was pretty, a soft pink color, thick, but not alarmingly so. Veins ran along the shaft, the glans defined and well-proportionaed compared to the rest of his length.

Shouto was pretty all over, and you felt woefully inadequate. He could have anyone he wanted, anyone, yet he made you hold his heart.

He was climbing onto the bed, gently manhandling until he had you pulled into his lap, your back pressed against his chest. He was propped up by pillows, half-leaning against the headboard so he had unfettered access to every inch of your body.

His cock was resting along your slit, slightly wet at the top, pulsing. It felt uncomfortable - every time it pulsed it would move ever so slightly, and barely feather across your sore clit.

Shouto didn’t let you rest for long, two of his fingers quickly sucked into his mouth before brought down to your pussy, pushing his cock away from your body so his hand could easily cup your sex.

“Just relax now, I’ve got you.”

And his fingers slipped inside, reaching past the places his tongue had explored, proving deeper and deeper. They rubbed tantalizingly at your walls, making you squirm, before slowly beginning to thrust in and out, gently fucking your sloppy cunt.

“Just like that. You’re perfect, so good to me.” Shouto pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

His free hand came around your chest to softly cup one of your breasts, rolling the nipple under his thumb. Your back arched under his ministrations, but he held you firm against his chest. You could feel his rapid heartbeat.

Funny, how he could act so calm, but be falling apart inside.

His fingers grazed against a spot inside of you that had your toes curling, your mouth dropping open.

“No, no Shouto please, it’s too much. I’ve already-you’ve already-please, no more.” You were breathless, twisting in his hold.

Shouto didn’t let up.

“Just a few more.” He murmured in your ear. “I know you can. I’m making you feel so good, you’re lovely.”

You gasped as his fingers inside of you sped up, forcefully hitting that spot over and over again, making you whine.

It felt good, but it was too much, too soon.

The orgasms he had pulled from you with his mouth had been quick, hard, left your lungs heaving and your hips twisting to get away.

This orgasm hit you like a train, appearing out of nowhere, completely overwhelming you.

You were left wheezing, clawing at Shouto’s arms, kicking your legs - but that only made it worse, jostling his fingers inside of you.

Shouto still didn’t stop fingerpicking you, wrist twisting.

You started to cry, slowly at first, then harder when you realized he was still going, forcing you to endlessly orgasm, cunt pulsating as it drooled around his skin fingers.

“Pl-ease! Shouto n-no moreee...” you sobbed, breath hitching.

The man merely kissed your ear, his hand never stopping. You could feel him peering over your shoulder, watching his hand flick as his fingers fucked into you. Watching the violent trembling of your body, the convulsions of your stomach as you were brought over the edge again and again, each orgasm taking longer to reach than the last one.

You couldn’t feel your legs anymore. You barely even knew what was happening anymore.

It was barely registered when his fingers slipped free of your cunt. Your hole was clenching around nothing, insides buzzing, almost number from the overstimulation. You might’ve been hyperventilating, but you were too far out of it to tell, barely aware of your own body, mind listlessly floating between nonsense thoughts.

“Look at you, did so well for me. Your body is incredible.” Hands, one cold, one warm (and wet) trailed along your sides, occasionally pausing to gently squeeze your flesh reassuringly.

You hated how he did this, made you stupid and broken with pleasure, brought you back to conscious thought, then ruined you all over again.

Still faintly sobbing, you weakly batted at his hands, unable to express with words how sensitive you were. Plus, it was gross, his own hand rubbing your own cum all over your skin.

He was kissing your neck, your hair, nibbling sweetly at your ear, whispering praises and compliments.

Shouto had been so rough the first time, desperate, needy. He had left bruises on your hips, hands grabbing too tightly at your flesh, his teeth forming vicious bite marks on your neck and collarbone as he tried to stifle his noises when he fucked into you. At some point he had been babbling, mad with the sensation of pumping your swollen cunt, rambling about how soft, how warm, how pliant your body was.

In a way, his gentleness could hurt more.

Hands gripped his pink cock, easily running it through your slick folds. You let the tip bump against your clit, smiling into your neck when you jumped, revoking back into his naked chest.

Shouto guided his tip to your entrance, holding himself in place as he slowly canted his hips up, sheathing himself into your warmth.

With a low groan, he stilled, fully inside you. You shook in his hold, clutching nervously at the hands no longer holding his cock, but now holding your hips.

He helped you move, easily using his strength to fuck you along his cock, breathing hotly against your neck as he sunk in and out of your tight sleeve. You were confused by the signals your brain was sending. Did it feel good? Did it hurt? We’re you numb? The physical feelings all meshed together, but it was easier to just hang onto Shouto-a hand in his hair, another hand braced against his thigh-than to think.

The man fucked you steadily, hot cock drilling into your dripping pussy without pause, a rhythmic schlick schlick schlick reaching your ears.

You were crying again, shuddering sobs that deprived your lungs of air, that made your head hurt, that blurred your visions Shouto noticed, lifting a hand to wipe away a few tears, but never once stopping his hips.

It wasn’t long before his pace picked up, cock working into you quick and fast. Your brain wasn’t confused anymore - each thrust hurt, but in the best kind of way, rubbing at your insides.

Shouto was moaning now, breathless, talking to you in a gentle tone that contrasted sharply with his half-frantic movements

“So-unh-tight and wet, oh fuck, you feel so heavenly. Sweet little girl, always what I need. Always there for me.”

You turned your head, crying into Shouto’s sweaty neck, unable to focus your eyes. It was so much, too much, and you couldn’t handle it.

“Want to make you feel good, need to-ohhhhh. Your tiny cunt always takes my cock so well, makes me cum so much. You’re just made for me, aren’t you? Sloppy little pussy, made for me to-oh fuck, fuck!” It was rare to hear him swear. The man continued “-Made for me to eat, made for me to touch, made for me to pound into. You’re mine, only mine.”

He was growling now, cock rabbiting into you so fast that you were making little noises on every thrust, little “ah, ah, ah!”’s that made your face flush with shame.

Shouto was suprisingly lewd with his mouth once he was turned on enough, his normally quiet and reserved persona crumbling underneath a horny mess of a man.

“You’re sucking me in, want me to cum?” The questiona as rhetorical-he was going to cum anyways-but still you nodded, face still hidden in his neck.

“Yeah? Yeah? Ohh, you have to cum too-“ you wailed, desperately against the thought of having to go though another orgasm.

“No, you do as I say, sweet little girl.” Shouto admonished, his angle changing slightly as he shifted his hips. “We’re not done until you cum. One more time, just for me.”

You frantically shook your head, gasping for breath, too fucked out to say anything. Shouto was breathing so hard, hissing between his teeth, grunting with the effort of keeping his horribly rapid pace.

A hand slipped down to your cunt, and you screamed when his fingers found your abused clit. “Shouto! No, ah-please! Stop, oh stop-mmmmm!!! I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t-“

“You can.”

Shouto hissed, furiously rubbing at your clit with three fingers, punishing the little nub.

You came to in the shower, Shouto’s arms around you as a gentle spray of water washed over you.

The man noticed as you stirred, his arms immediately tightening around you as he pressed a loving kiss to your cheek. “Hello, I missed you.”

Blearily, you watched his hands move as he slowly washed you off, dragging a washcloth gently over your shoulders.

He was perceptive, knew your lower half was too sensitive still to even be touched, much less cleaned.

You stayed in the shower for a long while, Shouto humming some unknown tune as he cleaned the both of you.

You didn’t fight when he carried you back to the (now fresh, had he changed the sheets?) bed.

Nor when he tucked you under the covers, crawling to your side to lie close.

You just watched the flames of the fire, watched them dance over the logs, consuming the wood.

Fire was so destructive. Even when it tried to love, it only burned and destroyed.

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silversatoru · 3 years

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Hi, I just finished burdens and OML 🥺🥺🥺

May I request some sort of megumi x reader continuous where the reader ends up becoming a powerful sorcerer (or a cursed spirit👀 whichever you’d like tbh) megumi and the reader somehow cross paths again a little while after the break up and he witnesses her fighting for the first time? I just know that boy would fall in love all over again but she’s moved on and he feels guilty and just angst? And maybe fluff idk. I’m new to requests so I hope I did this right, thank you so much❤️❤️

burdens pt. 2

a/n: hello, part two of this not-so-lovely story is finally here. every single one of you is allowed one free punch to my face for taking so long to write it,,, i’m so sorry. this is its fourth rewrite and it got a little darker than expected but it’s finally done,, i hope you enjoy <3

fushiguro megumi x f!reader

synopsis: you finally see megumi again at the kyoto sister school goodwill event

tags/warnings: angst, some graphic depictions of violence, character death

word count: 3k

“Do you know how tired I am of watching the people I love die? Things would be so much easier for me if you just stayed the fuck away”.

Megumi’s bitter words were on repeat in your head — the harshness of his voice leaving a hollow feeling carved into your chest. Tear-stained cheeks and shaky breathes had become your new normal these past few days. Tight, sharp pains filled your empty stomach, waves of nausea coursing through your body.

You’ve had no motivation to get out of bed lately, nevermind to shower or cook yourself a proper meal — honestly, for all you cared you could rot away in your blanket filled bed. You checked your phone like a fiend too, thinking that eventually, a miraculous text from Megumi would appear and make everything better. It never did.

He’d completely ghosted you since that dreadful day, and that hurt more than anything. You’d held onto a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, he hadn't meant what he said. But as the days continued to pass, your hope quickly dwindled.

To say your current state was shameful was putting it lightly, and you were embarrassed at how poorly this was effecting you. You liked to think that you were strong, motivated, independent — that you didn't need some douchebag just to feel happy. But truth be told, breakups are fucking hard, and it's okay to not be okay for a while — or at least that's what you kept telling yourself.

So when you were trudging miserably down the street to your local convenience store and you saw a familiar pair of jujutsu sorcerers, you wanted desperately to sink into the ground. You made a quick turn to head to a different shop, but it was too late, you were spotted.

“y/n! hey!” Two lighthearted voices sang through the air, filling your ears and making your heart clench in your chest.

You turned around and anxiously approached them, your unkempt hair and baggy eyes sending looks of concern across their faces.

“Hey girl, you good?” Nobara shot you a sideways glance, Maki raising a suspicious eyebrow.

“Yeah, uh, ice cream,” You croaked, speaking for the first time in a couple days, “I’m here for ice cream, that’s all”.

“Yeah, but why do you look like a fucking zombie?” Maki pushed her eyeglasses further up her nose, her sharp eyes looking you up and down.

“Ah, he didn’t say anything to you guys, did he?” You shook your head, heavy eyes falling to ground as you refused to meet theirs.

“Don’t tell me…” Nobara’s face contorted, “Did he break up with you?”

You nodded, a pitiful chuckle falling from your lips, because if you didn’t laugh, you’d start sobbing right now.

Maki threw her arm around your shoulder, pulling you to her side and ushering you into the store, “It’s okay, men suck. Hang out with us today”.

Meanwhile, Nobara trailed quickly behind the two of you, anger seething from her teeth and steam practically billowing out of her ears.

“That fuckhead! I swear I’ll fuck his shit up big time, he won’t even know what fucking hit him. I knew that boy was stupid but shit, this is a whole new low for him! I-,” She continued to ramble and rant as Maki led you through the store, picking out drinks and snacks to help ease your pain.

The three of you ended up in a nearby park, sitting around a small picnic table and gorging on the massive array of snacks. Lighthearted conversation and lots of food make your chest ache a little less, and you even found yourself laughing and chatting as if things were normal. You’d told the two of them all about that day, about Megumi’s irrational words and his tragic breakdown that led to some kind of fucked-up break up sex.

“So, how are we gonna get back at him? Egg his car? Put bleach in his shampoo? Bugs in his food? God - it’s a shame his dad is dead because from the pictures I’ve seen that man was FINE and revenge sex—,”

“Nobara,” Maki shot her idiot girlfriend a dirty look, and the orange-haired girl quickly shut her mouth, “As much as I support any idea that revolves around ruining a man’s day, I don’t think revenge is the healthiest coping strategy here”.

You were tracing your eyes around Maki’s face as she spoke, and you found yourself carefully inspecting her purple glasses that rested softly on the bridge of her nose. And that’s when it clicked, the light bulb ignited in your head and you knew exactly what you wanted to do.

“Maki,” your voice was urgent, “You don’t have cursed energy, you can’t even see them without your glasses!”

Her face twisted and her nose scrunched, a look of distaste in her eyes, “I know?”

“So, you could teach me, right? You could help me learn how to use some cursed weapons?”

“Yeah! You have to Maki, then she can beat his ass with me,” Nobara chimed in.

“That’s not a bad idea actually,” Maki’s mouth formed an evil grin, “Could you imagine his face after watching you exorcise a curse?”

The three of your conversed for a bit longer, speculating and potting about training, weapons, and your very own pair of curse-seeing glasses. By the end of the night you had a plan, and a pretty good one if you say so yourself.

From that day on, teary eyes and achy hearts were a thing of the past, not because it was that easy to get over Megumi, but because Maki didn’t even allow you the time to feel dismal anymore. You met her everyday after classes without fail, and everyday she would train you until you thought your arms would fall off. After months and months of sore muscles, sweat, and the occasional injury, you were convinced that Maki was incapable of feeling pity or remorse for other living things. Every time you speculated about quitting, she’d set a fire under you, unafraid to remind you how weak you still were.

The green-haired sorcerer had ultimately decided that you worked best dual-armed -- a long, lightweight blade in each hand. On your final day of training, she officially gifted the two swords to you, as a “graduation” gift.

Skill-wise, you were by no means as incredible Maki, but you definitely held your own, and the progress you’d made in a mere 8 months was astronomical. They’d introduced you to a strange silver-haired man at some point, Gojo, who had taken not only an interest in you but also your plot against your ex-boyfriend. He cackled to himself when you told him why you were here, going on and on about how priceless Megumi’s face would be when he saw you.

Your appearance was highly anticipated, so why not debut at one of the biggest jujutsu events all year? The Kyoto Sister School Goodwill Event — Gojo thought it was the most perfect idea.

You tried hard to exude confidence as you walked at Nobara and Maki’s sides, but behind your arrogant facade your stomach was twisting itself into knots. Truthfully, you were scared to see Megumi again after so long.

And when your eyes met with his as you walked into the meeting room, you thought you just might pass out. You thought you were ready for this — but the look of complete shock, fear, and anger on his face as he looked you up and down almost made you regret all of it.

“What’s going on?” Megumi’s words were incredibly calculated, an edge on his voice.

His question was pointless, however, because judging by the fact that you were wearing a jujutsu tech uniform and had two swords sheathed at your sides could only mean one thing. Your hair was longer now too, and your frame was wider with an extra layer of muscle from all the training — you almost looked like a different person.

“I’ve been training with Maki, I-,” You spoke up to explain yourself, but you weren’t even granted the opportunity.

“No, no, Maki, what the hell did you do?” His eyes were shaky and laced with concern.

“I only did what she asked me to. I’m not the one who gave her a complex about being weak, you did that,” Maki shrugged, “and she’s not your girlfriend anymore dude, what do you care?”

Absolute confliction flashed through his eyes, uncertainty and madness swirling in his irises, “You’re right, I don’t care. Let me know when the event is starting”.

He took a sharp turn out of the room and let the door slam a little too hard behind him. The sound of his icey voice and the door shutting with unkind force was all too reminiscent of the night you broke up. Burying every emotion you had deep into your stomach you gave Maki a small, reassuring smile and plopped down on one of the couches.

“Alright, so when does this thing start?”

after the start of the event

Fighting the Kyoto students was proving to be much harder than you initially expected, but you were holding your own at Maki’s side. The two of you had easily taken down a small, kind, blue haired girl named Miwa, and now you were watching an emotional battle between Maki and her sister unfold.

Wait here, she’d told you, I want to do this one myself. Take some notes on my form and watch our backs, okay?

Okay, you’d said, a little confused but ultimately finding a nice spot up in a thick tree to carefully observe from. Maki was truly a force of nature, and it seemed like the other girl never actually had a chance of winning. It was honestly only a few minutes before the small black, haired girl was slumped against a tree and Maki was making her way back to you. Things were looking good, two of Kyoto’s student’s were down already and adrenaline was pumping through your veins.

You couldn't quite shake the awful feeling churning in your stomach though, and Megumi’s face was haunting your thoughts. You hadn’t seen him since before the event started, when an odd, pink haired boy jumped out of a box and freaked everyone out. Nobara had later explained who he was and what had happened, and you wondered how many awful surprises Gojo had planned today -- first you, then that.

A small rumble rippled under your feet, and Maki grabbed your arm as you watched a giant brown vine lurch it’s way out of the ground a few hundred yards in the distance.

“That technique doesn’t belong to anyone from Kyoto,” She shot you a look of concern and determination, “let’s go check it out”.

You gave her a firm nod, the two of you making your way towards the horrifying wooden vines. By the time you managed to arrive, Inumaki was already down and so was a dark-haired boy from Kyoto. A muscular, white curse with black markings and wooden branches for eyes was moments away from taking Megumi on all by himself — thank god you got here in time to help.

Megumi, however, was horrified when he saw you jump over the tall roofed building with Maki at your side. He’d just watched two incredible sorcerers get their shit rocked by this curse, there was no way you would stand a chance against this thing. But before he could even try to stop you, you and the green-haired sorcerer were flying through the air and taking shots at the curse. The two of you worked perfectly in sync, the months of daily training finally paying off.

He watched with intent glazed over his eyes, his heart threatening to lurch up his throat. You were a spectacle, and he always thought you were beautiful but seeing you now with dirt and blood stained clothes, cursed weapons gripped firmly in your hands, you truly were ethereal. He hated it though, he hated that he was falling in love with you all over again, especially under these circumstances. Guilt and anxiety was eating away at him — why did you have to get involved? Why couldn’t you have just stayed away like he told you to?

He was quick to join the two of you, sticking close to your side to protect you if need be — but, even with all three of you together the curse still had the upper hand. Maki had been swatted to the side, her back slamming hard against one of the tiled roofs and knocking her unconscious. It was down to just the two of you now, beads of sweat causing your hair to uncomfortably stick to the back of your neck. This was something that Maki’s training could have never prepared you for.

Megumi was getting tired, taking one wrong step and losing his footing momentarily. The curse saw this as a perfect window of opportunity, sending a spiral of vines and branches hurling for Megumi. It was fast, but the adrenaline coursing through you helped you to move faster, launching yourself through the air and intercepting the attack. The barky, wooden vines twisted violently through your stomach, shooting clean through your back and ripping a violent scream from your throat.

It hurt so bad, feeling the plant wriggle through your organs and tear you apart from the inside out. The curse retracted his vine a few moments later, leaving your mangled body to fall helplessly to the roof. Tears rippled from your eyes, your body shaking and seizing as you coughed up a few sprays of blood.

A long, strong pair of arms scooped you up instantaneously, and your head was resting against a firm chest — probably Megumi, but you didn’t quite have the energy to open your eyes to check.

“We’ll take it from here, get her to Ieiri!” You heard a pair of deep voices yelling to Megumi, but it was too foggy and far away for you to understand what they were saying.

Megumi was seething with anger, moving as fast as his feet could carry him and he ran through the school. As you waved in and out of consciousness, you batted open your eyes, stealing quick glances at his twisted features and — were those tears on his face?

“I- I’m sorry Megumi… I think I finally understand what you were so afraid of all this time,” Your voice was barely a croak, “when I saw it coming, I couldn’t stomach the thought of having to watch you die. I suddenly just thought I would do anything to keep you safe”.

Yeah, those were definitely tears, you could see them a little clearer now. His eyes were red and his cheeks were dried with salty streaks.

“You’re so thick-headed,” he mumbled, his grip around you tightening slightly as he picked up his pace, “I wish you would have made that realization before there was a giant hole in your stomach”.

“Me too,” You hummed, but you weren’t really in any pain anymore. The pain had subdued to a sweet warm sensation inside your stomach, and an intoxicating sleepiness was washing over your head, “I was angry for a long time, but I’m not mad at you anymore, Gumi. I hope you can forgive me too”.

You offered him a tiny smile, but the blood leaking from between you keeps made it anything but sweet.

“There’s nothing to forgive you for, you never did anything wrong,” He spoke quickly, his voice quiet and cracking.

“No, but we’re not gonna make it to Ieiri, I know that and so do you,” You fell into a violent fit of coughs again, sputtering red splatters all over the front of his uniform.

“Shut up”.

“It’s not your fault, none of it was ever your fault,” you choked out once the fit of coughs subsided — and you weren’t just talking about yourself, you were talking about all of the unfortunate tragedies he’d witnessed throughout this life.

“And you’re allowed to be selfish sometimes, you know? I hope that when you meet someone, your soulmate even, you can allow yourself to love them with every part of you”.

The words painfully left your lips, but you meant every single one of them. You were starting to realize that you and Megumi were never meant to make it to the end. You weren’t his soulmate, you were here to help him grow, so that when he did finally meet them he’d be ready.

“You deserve to be loved, Megumi,” You looked up at him with big eyes, but his face was starting to get really fuzzy now.

Your fingers were going numb and your mouth felt like it was filled with sand. You were so tired, letting your eyes flutter shut and your head rest softly against Megumi’s chest. You felt him stop running, you could even hear him screaming at you — but it was too far away for you to hear. You drifted closer and closer to eternal sleep, your soul swollen with love for the boy who broke your heart.

Megumi didn’t even feel sad when you stopped breathing in his arms — he just felt hollow. More empty and broken than he’d ever thought possible. You were the most incredible person he’d ever met — someone with extreme motivation, who acted with no fear or hesitation, who always had love to give, even when he didn’t deserve it. He’d never forget you, not for as long as he’d live anyway.

Even when he did meet a new girl a few years later — a compassionate, brave girl, who reminded him a lot of you — he wouldn’t forget. He wouldn’t forget your words and for the first time in his life he’d let his walls down for her. He’d allow himself to truly love, and be loved in return.

And maybe you were right, maybe he did deserve to be loved like this, because god, he finally feels whole again when she’s around. He just wishes you were still here so he could say thank you.

#megumi angst #megumi fushiguro #fushiguro megumi #fushiguro megumi x reader #megumi fushiguro x reader #megumi x reader #angst #fushiguro megumi x you #fushiguro x reader #megumi x you #megumi fushiguro angst #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsukaisen #jjk x y/n #jjk angst #jjk x reader #jjk oneshot #this is sad i’m sorry

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jokerscrazybrilliant · 3 years

Text

Survive - Chapter 1 - (Captain Rex)

Idk why I'm so nervous to post this lol, but I'm new here, anyhow, I've been re-watching Clone Wars and re-fawning over the incredible Captain Rex, so um, here's the maybe beginning to something? I kind of don't know how to judge my own writing so I hope this isn't totally sucky lol..

ANYHOW CHAPTER 1 !! XD

Also out now:

Chapter 2 · Chapter 3 · Chapter 4

Story on other platforms:

AO3 · Quotev

________

sur·vive /sərˈvīv/ verb Continue to live or exist, especially in spite of danger or hardship. Similar: live · continue · remain · last · persist · endure · persevere · abide · linger · exist · be • continue to live or exist in spite of (an accident or ordeal). • remain alive after the death of (a particular person). • manage to keep going in difficult circumstances.

________

Darkness. Everywhere. Not just a lack of light, but the feeling of being lost and directionless, the great darkness that spread endlessly in every direction. And I was alone in it, unable to watch my step, I stumbled over my feet as I ran. Run. Run. RUN.

“MASTER!” The shout tore itself from my throat painfully as I shot up in bed, sweating and in a panic. Breathing heavily, I put a hand to my chest, feeling my heart pounding painfully rapidly. I tried to control my breathing as I blinked away tears, making my way to the refresher, the bright lights of Coruscant’s horizon making their way into the room through the window.

The shower helped calm me down and I got dressed in my tan and brown jedi robes, making my way to the balcony to meditate until sunrise.

Today the council would be informing me of their decision on my future. When I lost my master so close to being ready to take my tests to be knighted, the council was unsure of which path would be best for me. To assign me as a Padawan to a new master or to get me to take the tests early, neither seemed an easy option. I took a deep breath and let my mind quiet as I felt the force flow through and around me. Whatever may come would be for the best, I just had to keep my mind open and accept things as they were.

***

Standing there in front of the council, most of what was said passed around me in a haze. All of the comments on how what had happened was unfortunate, but the force willed it so, the comments on how it would make me a stronger Jedi to learn patience detachment and strength from this particular trial. While this was all true, I wasn’t in a place where I wanted to hear these words. I just wanted to know what their decision was so I could carry on without thinking about what happened.

“-so we believe that it would be best if you served under another Jedi master, not necessarily as his Padawan, but just to gain some more experience before you are ready to take the tests for your knighthood. And you would also be assisting him in leading his battalion and helping him plan strategies for key missions. This is a great opportunity, so I hope that you will make the best of it, and I’m sure you will, we have faith in you Nimra.”

“Thank you Master Windu,” I bowed my head to him respectfully. “Might I ask to which Jedi Master I am being assigned?”

At my question a half smile and a nearly playful twinkle appeared in the Master’s eye. “Anakin Skywalker. He is a very skilled Jedi, and things would certainly never be dull.”

I gave a slight smile in response and bowed once more to the council. “Thank you for the opportunity masters, I will do my best to make you proud.” With that I made my exit, sagging slightly once the door closed behind me.

Master Skywalker, huh? I had met him a few times with my previous master on certain missions, and Master Windu’s comment made perfect sense to me. Things would certainly be interesting, but I was just hoping to keep my head down and get through the next few months with him until I could take my tests.

***

He was late. This was a wonderful start. He was late, and he was arriving in an old trash pile of a ship, one that looked like it was found in a junkyard on an outer-rim moon somewhere. “Nimra!” He called my name joyfully as he made his way down the ramp with a small blue astromech and a young orange skinned Togruta following him.

“Master Skywalker.” I bowed my head respectfully and gave him a small smile.

“I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to your master. He was a great Jedi Master and it’s truly a loss to the republic and the Jedi Order.”

“Thank you, Master.”

“Of course. I’d like you to meet my Padawan, Ahsoka Tano, Snips this is Nimra Sayla.” I bowed my head to the padawan as well and she returned it with a smile. “Nimra will be joining us for a while, and we will be lucky to have her, I’ve fought on the battlefield with her, and she is a force to be reckoned with.”

“You’re too kind, Master.”

“You’re nearly knighted yourself Nim, stop calling me that would ya?” He laughed at my formality, and I gave a small chuckle myself.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. Master – Master Diya thought highly of professionalism and formalities.” I kept the smile even though saying my old Master’s name caused a sharp stinging pain in my heart. Anakin put his hand on my shoulder and gave me an understanding smile, which I appreciated immensely.

“Well, we should get going if we’re going to make the rendezvous with the rest of the fleet.” Anakin turned to climb back up the ramp before the astromech gave a series of agitated beeps at the Jedi. “Oh, you’re right, how could I forget. This, is R2-D2.” He laughed as he introduced the droid to me, it beeping appreciatively and spinning it’s head around slightly.

“Hello R2-D2, it’s nice to meet you.” I gave the droid a grin as we all made our way into the ship, me biting my tongue as not to comment on how this junk pile would possibly make the trip through hyperspace.

***

“Home sweet home.” Anakin commented as we made our way into the hangar of his Jedi cruiser we had met up with.

“Welcome back, General.” A clone trooper with the blue paint of the 501st met us as we descended. He was holding his helmet under his left arm, and he had buzzed bleached hair, with no other specific markings unlike many clones who chose to tattoo themselves or get very unique haircuts to set them apart from their comrades. Of course, being someone with the force, I could feel the energy signatures within people rather than just seeing their outsides, and that had always helped keep track of the clones, who while they had the same DNA, each had their own very different and unique personalities. “I see we’ve picked up a new recruit?”

“Thank you, and yes, Captain Rex, meet Nimra Sayla.” Anakin introduced us, gesturing his hands between us before focusing on an information disc R2 was giving him.

“Nice to meet you General.” The Captain gave me a salute.

“Oh, no, not quite. I’m not actually a Jedi Knight yet.” I gave him a slightly sheepish smile.

“Ah, sorry about that Commander.”

“That’s quite alright.”

“You’re not a padawan but also not a knight yet?” Ahsoka inquired from beside me.

“Uh, no, not yet. My master, he died before I could take my tests, so I’m going to complete my remaining trainings here with you until I can take them.” I was acutely aware of the pity entering Ahsoka’s eyes, but thankfully the clone did not show that same emotion, rather just a slight understanding of my situation.

“Sorry to hear that Sir.” Rex said, still standing at attention.

“Yeah, I’m sorry too.” Ahsoka said sweetly.

“It’s really okay, but thank you.”

“Alright, me and Ahsoka have to go prepare a debrief, and discuss how when I say ‘let’s go’, it means ‘let’s go’, and not ‘take your time Ahsoka’.” I chuckled at Anakin’s words.

“But Master, if I hadn’t stayed as long as we needed, we would’ve never gotten the information we needed!” She retorted, pointing at the disc in his hand.

“Yeah yeah, that’s not the point, Snips. Anyway, Rex, can you show Nimra around and to her quarters please?”

“Yes, of course Sir.” The captain saluted again and then turned to me as Anakin and Ahsoka walked away, still bickering.

“Are they always like that?” I asked, small smile still on my face.

“Yes Sir, for the most part.” His response made me turn to look at him in the eyes, serious expression taking over my features.

“I will do whatever it takes, whatever it takes, to get you to stop calling me that.” The moment he recognized my joking, some of his seriousness dissolved, and a small half smile appeared on his face.

“Whatever it takes?” He inquired, arching an eyebrow.

“I will personally make the trip to the end of the galaxy and back, on THAT scrap pile, with an agitated blurrg as my copilot, just to get you to stop calling me ‘sir’.” I pointed at Anakin’s ship behind me, serious expression never cracking even as I gained a full smile from the captain, which made my heart warm slightly.

“Well in that case, Commander.”

“That’s not any better!” I exclaimed, laughing as he grinned at me.

“Shall we begin the tour?” He offered, arm outstretched in the direction we would begin with.

“Yes, Captain.” My grin remained as he began to show me around. This will be interesting indeed.

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mostlymobilegames · 3 years

Text

I will win.

warnings: younger!Fencio, mentions of pain?? I think that's about it

summary: Unclaimed!Rebecca being herself

author's note: i get nostalgic about Rebecca every time I enter the app, this is just some ??backstory?? idk, i just missed her and I forced myself to not let this idea marinate in my notes for 29 years

•

My legs burn as I land on the ground violently again. Dust and rocks fly in every direction as I try to calm down.

Everything hurts. My back aches while my wings feel too heavy for it, my eyes are watery, my throat is unbelievably dry, my legs feel like they won’t keep me up for much longer and if I wasn’t so tired I might be bothered by the sweat making my clothes stick to my body. Almost there.

As I prepare to take off once again, something moves in my line of sight, but the wall of dust makes it impossible to see. Not that I need to, I feel him before I even hear his footsteps approaching. I take off immediately, every part of my body hurting in protest, my wings flapping with powerful moves despite the pain as I soar up and for a second I almost enjoy the brief sense of peace. I plunge back to the ground at full speed, my legs nearly giving out as I land once again. Fencio moves his hand leisurely, a strand of long, white hair along with it on accident, and the dust in the air vanishes as I try to compose myself. So much pain.

“Rebecca” he says in greeting, his voice distant but not hostile or arrogant.

“Throne Fencio.”

My voice comes out sharply as I struggle to control my breathing. My legs feel wobbly and I know I look completely unpleasant. I worry about embarrassing myself but Fencio doesn’t seem even a little put off by my current demeanor, although that’s not surprising. After knowing him for a short time, I figured he is not easy to read at all, which I find annoying, given that he usually has such a good read on me. He is either a good actor or there’s nothing worth his reactions. Or maybe I’m not good enough at picking him apart.

“Tomorrow is an important day for you.” So this is why he came.

After that… incident with my first assignment, Fencio kept true to his word. He followed my progress attentively, helped me with my studies and my training, teaching me how to manage without him or anyone and interfering only when necessary. His help never came with the condescension I often got from other immortals, even the low ranked ones, my fellow students, and I always felt the need to prove myself to him because of that. And then to prove myself to anyone who challenges me, but I am not there yet.

“I know.” I say confidently as I can feel my body healing itself slowly. It’s not much but I would be nothing without it, and I know that by tomorrow I’ll be fully recovered.

Fencio says nothing for a moment and I feel uneasy. Something sparkles in his eyes and his lips twitch, which is something he does rarely, but I always notice, and I never know what it means. It’s all gone in an instant and he’s back to his neutral expression, as usual.

“I have no doubt that you’ll kill the Serpent and that it will improve your reputation greatly” he pauses and I feel something inside me stir. Does he actually think I’ll fail and he’s just being nice?

The thought of Fencio seeing me as a disappointment makes me angry, but I know that can’t be true. He noticed my potential, my drive from the beginning and took me under his wing. I worked and I work hard for everything, but I know I would have never gotten this far, this quick without him. Some days I feel like he sees me like his part-time project, someone to mold into a better immortal because he decided it’s his responsibility. Other days I can consider him my confidant, since calling him a friend seems out of line, but Fencio has done nothing to betray my trust. Most days however, he is, without a doubt, my mentor, and now I feel ashamed for questioning his intentions, even if his attitude is making me wary.

“I won’t be able to attend the competition due to some personal matters, but I’ll seek you out afterwards as soon as I can.” he says and I feel immediate relief. I was worrying for nothing.

“Of course.” I respond and he shifts as if to signify he wants to leave.

“I’ll let you finish your workout. Don’t stay up too late. Rest well and… good luck.”

I nod and scoff internally, he says nothing more but makes no move to leave.

Suit yourself then. I turn around and walk a few steps away from him so I can properly spread my wings, and take off, glad that the pain still lingers but is much more bearable. I swear I can feel his eyes on me as I ascend, but when I turn around to drop down he isn't there, and I can’t contain my grin any longer.

Good luck? I don’t need luck.

…

I open the window wide as the cold breeze of the night sweeps into my room.

After I finished training and took a well-deserved shower, I went to bed. Even though I wanted to sleep until the morning, my body apparently had other plans and I woke up a few hours later, feeling refreshed and infinitely grateful for my immortal powers and my fast recovering body.

I realize immediately I’m alone in my dorm room. It’s pretty late and dark outside, which means my roommate is out doing something I’d rather not know about, since I doubt she’s training this late. She better not bring back any issues with her, I have enough on my plate.

I take a deep breath of fresh air and let it soothe my worries and clear my head. Everything is fine. Cliffs and bits of land levitate in the horizon, poorly illuminated by the moon and the glowing insects of different sizes hanging around them. A giggle is heard somewhere below me but it stops almost instantly, returning the night to its comforting silence. Something moves in the distance, seemingly coming up from behind a tree. I can’t make out who it is, but I am sure the figure is facing me and I recognize the blood red colored wings in a second. They flap lazily in that inviting gesture I’m way too familiar with. There are no demands made, no expectations or formalities to deal with, just the chance to spend some time with him, and I know I have no obligation to accept or respond.

Still, I wait, unmoving. It’s late and the chances of us getting caught together are small, there is no one out there. But what if someone follows me? There are too many immortals that don’t like me and it’s not exactly like I try to make friends. A part of me doesn’t think any of them would go to the extent of actively trying to ruin me, but it’s better to never underestimate the hatred one can build up for someone else. For someone better.

I don’t get to think more about it since he takes my lack of reaction as a refusal and flies back behind the same tree. I should take his leave as a blessing and go to bed, or do something else, but I don’t. I think about what would happen if I got caught, all of my efforts going to waste for the most stupid reason. I think about how everyone who ever doubted me would be right and I’d never get to prove them wrong, and how I could lose everything in the blink of an eye like back on Earth.

I climb the out the window with newfound strength, as I concentrate on my surroundings. There’s no one after me. I spread my wings and jump, hoping no one is staying by the window to witness an Unclaimed breaking curfew. Thankfully, I get there quickly and quietly, and I’m surprised to see Winchesto sitting down, his back against a thick tree trunk. I was sure he left and I would’ve had to find him.

He turns his head towards me and grins, his face full of happiness. Seeing him so glad to see me hurts.

“I didn’t think you’d come.” he says but there isn’t a hint of anything negative in his tone, as if he wouldn’t have blamed me for not following him. I know he wouldn’t have.

I say nothing as I slide down next to him, so close that our sides touch. The contact is small and delicate, barely there, but it feels like a battle is starting inside me. I turn to look at him as he does the same, our faces so close I can’t tell if my breathing is so loud or his. Winchesto’s eyes are gentle and there’s something so peaceful behind them, something that makes it so easy to relax. This could end us both. I tense up as my thoughts go in the wrong direction again. He notices and, as if reading my mind, he backs away a little and I feel awful, even though I know it’s for the best. For both of us.

“I’ll cheer for you tomorrow.” he breaks the silence, like I didn’t just reject him indirectly moments ago.

I laugh, but it sounds forced even to my own ears.

“That would raise some eyebrows.” I say half jokingly, half concerned and Winchesto shrugs, as if nothing could ever get him in trouble.

“Angels and demons get excited for this too, even if they don’t participate. If you think about it, they probably enjoy it more than their usual competitions, because they get the entertainment without the repercussions of losing. Many of them pick their favorites among the Unclaimed so they can place bets on them or just make a big deal out of whoever wins and gloat.”

“Did you bet on me?” I ask genuinely curious but Winchesto ignores my question.

“My point is: no one will care if I cheer for you, they’ll all be busy cheering too... or booing.”

I laugh honestly as he smiles sweetly, the tension from before long forgotten. We sit in silence after that, looking every now and then at each other, and neither of us seems to mind it. Neither of us feels like the silence is painful and that it needs to be disrupted and I realize, in that moment, that Winchesto is so dear to me, that I trust him so much, that I want to be around him and share everything with him, knowing he’d never use anything against me. I want to tell him about my worries, about my goals, about my pain and my life from before, about how I’ll achieve everything I’ve ever wanted and how I’ll be at the top. For a second, I even want to tell him about how I scouted the path to the Serpent and memorized every detail, or how I’ve hidden weapons along the way into the secluded spots I found in case I run out of energy.

But I don’t. I don’t tell him anything, and the part of me that’s been trying to keep me at bay, the part that I’ve cultivated so carefully knows I am doing what’s right. For both of us. It’s safe for Winchesto to not know what could hurt him, even if he’d like to know as much as I’d like to tell.

It’s late.

I stand up abruptly, dusting myself off while he continues to sit, looking at me calmly. I start walking away, knowing how it looks and hoping he doesn’t feel the hurt as much as me. I don’t want to leave like this, but I feel lost and I don’t know how to deal with it.

“Good night, Rebecca.” he whispers loud enough for me to hear it.

I let out a breath I haven’t realized I’ve been holding on and turn my head to look at him. He’s still sitting comfortably, looking unfazed and I’m glad. I’m glad it’s not that bad for him, or maybe he just takes it better than me.

“You should bet on me tomorrow. I will win.” is the only thing I say to him before taking off, leaving him there and not looking back.

#also sorry for any mistakes #i finished this on like 4 hours of sleep😴#romance club #heaven's secret #fanfic #my writing

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whentherewerebicycles · 3 years

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please admire ruthie’s “I woke up like this” hair and beard 😂😂 this girl is FEISTY this morning and has spent the last 20 min bringing every toy in the room over to shove into my face as if to say WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE??? WILL YOU PLAY TUG WITH THIS ONE???? (I did for a bit but her appetite for tug-of-war is voracious. MOOOOOOOOOORE she says.)

anyway good morning!! we saw the most gorgeous sunrise today. my dreams have been weird af lately and often revolve around being imprisoned. I have also been consistently waking up at 3am, 4:30am, and 6:30am for the past couple weeks, which is probably why I feel so groggy even though I’m sleeping 7ish hours. I think that something must happen in my apartment complex at the 4:30 and 6:30 times because it’s way too regular—like at exactly the same time, within 4-5 minutes—for it to be just accidental waking up? like maybe someone in the complex works a really early shift or something? idk but I’m so over it!!!

today is a light work day. I have my sacred block of sustained writing time from 9-11 this morning (though I am hoping I can write till closer to 12:30). then I’ll shower, spend 45 min chipping away at my Nov. 1 rec letters, and do three student meetings in the afternoon (each of which will require ~15 min of prep work).

at some point I want to sit down and look at my schedule to see when I can fit more intense cardio in now that the weather is dipping under 85 degrees. I’ve been really consistent about doing 60 min fast walks seven days a week, but I want to start gradually building in strength training, skating, and running again. I was getting mild overuse injuries at the height of my intense pandemic workouts (hip, knee, shin/calf), all of which have gone away with a walking-only workout. so I think I need to figure out the strength training piece and build that in as I start ramping up again for fall/winter/spring (the most glorious Texas seasons!).

I am also feeling better about diet lately though I have been getting quite lax on my no-added-sugar commitment. I need to remind myself that I truly don’t miss it when it’s just quietly eliminated from my environment, but when I’m like, eating chocolate at work or eating sweets at social events, my brain remembers it’s an option and it’s harder for me to manage cravings. much easier to just be, like, sugar sober or whatever. that said, ordering the meal boxes again was absolutely what I needed to get back to cooking & eating lots and lots of vegetables. and I can’t believe how many delicious vegan options there are these days!! I’m going to just budget in weekly boxes for a couple months so that I get firmly into the routine of cooking good food again.

#diet mention #exercise mention

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emilx311 · 3 years

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Life Update

Hey all, so I pretty much vanished off the internet for the past few months (whoops sorry about that) but things have been crazy irl! Here’s a bit of a summary for those who were wondering what happened to me:

So, for context sake a few fun facts about me. I work as a night auditor at a hotel and have done so since August 2019, I graduated Uni with a degree in Justice Studies in 2018, and I have several minor but chronic health issues that lead to me being very low energy-ie having less spoons than a normal person and needing more sleep.

Aside from the issues already inherent with 2020′s....everything we had several more personal issues at my (I say my because I work there) motel. Mainly around staffing, and especially around night audit staffing.

Since I was hired we’ve gone through 5 or 6 other night auditors (I think? maybe more). And they often.....quit with barely any notice. So, being our only consistent night auditor I’ve been called in last minute several times over the past year leading to 6 or even 7 day weeks. (Not Fun!)

Even when we have had another trained night auditor with us they often also do day shifts since we only need them for 2 nights a week. Turn over for day-shift people has been barely lower than turn over for night shift, which has led to them having to be called in last minute to cover day shifts when people left which means I also had to be called in last minute to cover the night shifts they were no longer able to do, leading to us all working 6 or even 7 day weeks (Super Not Fun!)

In summary: I’ve worked more overtime days than I have had vacation days in this last year. Heck, the last time I tried to go on vacation for like 5 days I got called in every other day and my boss (our regional manager) paid me double for the shifts I worked and refused to touch my vacation pay because even he acknowledged that was in no way a real vacation at that point (this was at the beginning of September btw...)

This was all compounded when our general manager (gm) left in late July. Her reason for leaving was super fair since she got a better job offer, similar pay to what she was making, less work since she would no longer have to do all the duties our boss should have been doing but was instead pushing off unto her. Super sad to see her go but wished her the best (still miss her) :(

This left our under manager (gsm) and me as the main people in the hotel (ie those who have been there the longest, only the gsm and housekeepers had been there longer than I had at that point-and I had not even reached my 1 year yet). Which, not super great, but the other people we had were okay so we would manage. So the gsm and I held things together and started basically running the hotel (shout out to the gsm here because I love her and she is actually like 5 years younger than me but has accomplished so much more, I am in constant awe of her tbh). Our boss (who is....kind of dumb sometimes) realized this. We became his golden girls (he plays favorites hard).

It is at that point that someone above our boss’s level in the company (he’s in charge locally, but we do belong to a large corporation, ah capitalism) hired disaster #1 as our first new gm. Disaster #1 was creepily cheerful and utterly dismayed to find out his job actually involved him doing work! Like working at the front desk during his shifts and doing manager stuff instead of it just being him sitting in the back looking important and giving us encouragement occasionally. He payed no attention to his training. He did very little of his basic work let alone the manager stuff. He took credit and praised “the team” whenever something went right and pushed blame off him unto everyone else as hard as he could when something went wrong (I once pointed out he forgot to do something and he legit said to me “can you prove it was me?” I said “yes” very firmly.)

Now, as the auditor my job is to spot, point out, and fix errors. He hated coming in to to work after me because I spotted and pointed out everything he missed or did incorrectly. At first just because I happened to notice them. Then it became personal, he cornered me one morning at shift change and told me that he dreaded coming in to work after me because I was always so critical, and he had so much to do during his shifts other than just front desk stuff (he did not, most of the “manager” stuff he was even trained in doing at this point he shoved off unto the gsm) he then disparaged the gsm. I was done, I was pissed (you do not say mean things about my gsm, nope, not okay, I will cut and slab you*) and kind of hurt (why are you taking my corrections as personal attacks? Why are you saying I’m mean for doing my job?) So, if he wanted to make it personal I decided to make it personal and made it my mission to find and point out everything he did wrong, no more overlooking small things as I had been. The pressure of actually having to work made him quit (shocking, not!).

It was also around this time that I signed up for an LSAT prep course. Because I hate myself and now that I’ve been working for a couple years and have some money saved up I want to follow through on my plan to get either a Law Degree or a Masters Degree and so am working on taking the LSAT and applying to law schools. No, studying has not been going well, time and energy have also been preventing that.

Fast forward a couple months and 2 of our best employees went on holiday (one they had scheduled months before). It’s the start of January, they will be gone for two months. In that time our boss had hired our next gm, idiot #2. Just as these two leave the other front desk person we’d been training quits with no notice. We are short staffed....again (yay more 6 and 7 day weeks, ack). To fill in this gap our boss brings in idiot #3 from one of the other 2 hotels in the area our company owns.

Idiot #2 is semi okay, he is not manager material, even months after he was hired to be gm he does not have the training and is basically just a front desk agent. He is bad about doing things himself unless you specifically direct him to with very clear instructions, but he can do the minimum (although he failed the coffee test. After idiot #1 I wrote out very, VERY specific instructions for how to clean our coffee station....he is not able to follow them. The gsm and I joked about the coffee test after I first wrote the instructions, that someone actually failed it....we despair). So, he does not think ahead, do any extra, or solve many problems but at least he rarely creates problems.

This brings us to idiot #3. I do not know what goes on in his head (very little likely) but man oh man. Some examples: the time he-after being asked like 4 times-actually sign off on the checklist after cleaning the laundry room (as everyone is supposed to once a shift) but did so in sharpie instead of one of the many dry-erase markers left around the front desk for no other reason than the clearly laminated sign off sheet. Or the time he decided on his own to give someone a satisfaction refund, far larger than it should have been (which only managers and those with special permission can do in any of the hotels, so he should know better but somehow....)

We have a book for front desk to write messages on about issues for the next people. Usually we have a note or two on any given day. Pretty much every day he worked it was full and even going onto the next page. Idk how, it’s like he touched something and issues sprung up. and Guess who got to be the one to fix all of them (woooo).

For the past few weeks I have had 2 days a week where the only people who worked were me and idiots #2 and #3. It’s been horrible. In addition, my days off were changed for these months so I haven’t been able to meet my one bubble inclusive friend to vent like we usually do once a week, because that time no longer fit in my schedule. I have been living in exhaustive hell for the past couple months, and even before that as I tried to lighten the gsm’s load as much as I could as she took on a lot of the gm stuff. My house is a mess, tbh my life is a mess because work has left me so tired and stressed that I basically get home, shower, collapse onto bed, read a bit, sleep, wake-up, find some sort of food, get ready for work, go to work, and repeat. Even on my days off I’m sleeping 75% of the time and resting to try and shore up my spoons (of which I already have fewer than most people) to get through the work week.

tl;dr Due to ridiculousness I ended up unofficially co-running a hotel and it’s sucked up so much of my energy that all my free time is pretty much spent sleeping just to ensure I’m able to get through my work weeks semi-functionally. Everything about my life has been a mess, to the point where I’m legit not sure how I’ve been keeping myself fed, clean, on meds and just generally....alive.

#personal #emi says #life update #about my 2020 and early 2021 #it's been hell #and not for the usual reasons #no #I'm not okay #but that's fine #that's pretty normal at this point tbh

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trifoliate-undergrowth · 3 years

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Pacific Rim 3

I outline the plot of Pacific Rim 3 as experienced by me in a waking fever dream before and during today's 4am shift as a way to distract myself from real life stress with imaginary stress, written in breaks during work and in the parking lot before driving home because I'm going back to sleep when I get there and I want to preserve this fever dream first before I lose the details of it,

Ok I've been here for 3 hours and I don't know how to do a read more link on mobile I'm sorry you're getting this as is whether you want it or not I need to sleep goodbye

Dr. Gottlieb and Liwen are working on building their own portal to the Precursors to beat them up once and for all

Jake is seen giving an inspiring speech to a new wave of cadets who've been training with the old ones, now fully realized Jaeger pilots. Amara is everyone's favorite instructor.

Jake is very imposing and military and inspiring. Jake is everything the kids need him to be. Jake slips away from the party early and tears off his uniform before disappearing down a side street in his civilian clothes

Nate has the visible emotional human reaction of milk curdling and goes after him

Dr. Gottlieb and Liwen Shao are talking to someone about how they're making progress on the rift but they need help. Someone in particular who knows about alien tech. He's coming in on the next flight, actually. The person they're explaining this to gives a disbelieving "no..."

NEWTON

Wakes up in his house in the middle of fuckass nowhere. Somewhere away from technology he could theoretically use For Evil, or people he could theoretically hurt. This is, however, a self-imposed isolation, as he seems to have been granted his freedom, conditionally.

We see his morning routine, featuring normal stuff like making coffee, panic attack in the shower ft. indistinct memories of the Precursors, taking a massive dose of PPDC-granted experimental medication, starting the car, another indistinct alien trauma flashback, listening to the radio on the way to the airport where people appear to recognize him and he low-key has a panic attack because oh God everyone knows what I did

Jake leaves the bar and runs into Nate, who gives him the old Argh Argh Responsibility And Pride talk and Jake is like yeah man I know shut up

They have a fistfight in the rain and the neon lights in the alley outside the bar

No one properly wins because they've drifted so many times and they can predict each other's attacks but they both land a few and take a few, Jake gets hit a bit more because he's drunk

They both end up just sitting in the rain feeling sorry for themselves

Nate: Jules proposed to her girlfriend.

Jake: I know

Nate: they're getting married.

Jake: yeah that usually happens when someone proposes

So Jules wasn't going to end up with either of them and they're both sad about it. Nate suddenly suggests they go back in the bar. He'll buy Jake a drink to make up for beating him up. Jake is like ok sure but the drink's gonna be soda because I was LEAVING the bar because I was ALREADY drunk

They share a Soda Of Angst at the bar and talk about how they're gonna die alone. Jake says "at least we've got each other" and it's impossible to tell if he's joking. Nate is like "you know what this place isn't that bad we should come back sometime."

Newton reaches the lab. He is terrified of Liwen and awkward around Hermann. He instinctively calls Liwen "boss" and she reminds him matter-of-factly that they're working as equals now, "since you ruined my life's work."

Hermann asks how the medication is working and Newton indicates that it works fine but he still gets anxiety about it not being enough. Hermann promises him it's been proven effective, thus why the PPDC let him out of his crimes against humanity iron cell of shame. It's revealed that what they're giving him is a stronger dose of a medication originally developed for burned-out Jaeger pilots with unmanageable symptoms, and that it blocks out memories related to the drift--and since this is how the Precursors were reaching him, this works to block out their influence. The cost is that Newton doesn't remember much of anything past building his own neural bridge. He knows it happened but the details won't load. He's constantly worrying that it's not enough, that the Precursors will come back, and is taking a dangerously high dose that gives him constant hand tremors and worse insomnia than usual.

The first time he and Hermann are left alone they have an uncomfortable attempt at talking which gradually turns into an argument about nothing in particular. Newt keeps calling him Hermann but it sounds Wrong and Hermann hasn't been allowing people to just use his first name here and he finally snaps at Newton to stop it and he's like "oh my God I can't call you your NAME? what the hell am I supposed to call you??"

Newt says something angsty and Hermann says something like 'yes well the nicest thing that ever happened to me was drifting with a dead and decaying piece of kaiju viscera' and he says it sardonically but he's serious

Newt doesn't remember any context for the time they drifted.

Newt assumes he's being maliciously sarcastic and starts SCREAMING at him

Hermann just looks at him in shock at first then just lets him go for a little while

Eventually shutting his mouth by jabbing him under the chin with his cane and saying, very quietly and coldly, "get out of my lab"

Newton gets out of the lab

Newton runs into Nate and Jake at The Angst Bar and they recognize him but he has no idea who they are but he's willing to just roll with it at this point and asks them if they know Hermann well enough to give him advice

"like that was sarcasm right? I'm pretty sure he was making fun of me but now I'm less sure idk"

Nate's: no he's immune to sarcasm

Jake: yeah it's kinda funny

Nate: *the gaze*

Jake: I mean, nothing wrong with that, but yeah if he was being sarcastic that'd be first time it's happened as far as I can tell

Newt: are. Are you telling me. That someone actually. For some reason. Offered me a sincere compliment. And. I yelled at him

Jake: that's your call, I mean, you know him better than us, right? You guys were friends right?

Newton, who doesn't remember any of these people:

Nate: I mean I wasn't there, only way to tell is to go back and ask him

Newt: aaaaaaa

Newton goes back and Liwen is like "hey I've got no idea what's going on here but can you weirdos just act normal for two seconds so we can get some work done" and Hermann and Newt both just kinda. Laser focus on rift stuff

Remember the guy with the "no why would you involve Newton"reaction? No because he's but important and has no name or real identity? Yeah ok every Pacific Rim movie needs one Designated Douchebag to cause Interpersonal Drama and this guy is it. I'll call him DD for short

DD shows up and is like oh my God you actually turned Newton loose in the lab?? Why would you do this we're all going to die

Everyone just ignores him

Designated Douchebag has the self-importance of a high elf and the confidence of a fucking walnut and doesn't like being ignored

And starts talking directly to Newton, which really freaks Newton out but he continues pretending to ignore him

DD: so you're safe now? Not going to start speaking alien gibberish?

Newton: don't plan on it

Hermann, without turning around: DD you may not like to hear this but it was never your business who we brought in to assist, we don't need your permission, and complaining about Newton now that he's already here is certainly not going to do any good.

DD: alright fine but you'd better keep a close eye on him.

DD: anyways Newton tell your girlfriend I said hi

Newton, blank: who?

DD: you know, Alice?

Newton's face registers several emotions as he grapples with a name from the buried memories-confusion, disgust, terror-mostly shock

There is an abrupt cut

Liwen, thinking her two colleagues were acclimated to each other enough to allow her to leave the room and get tea without disaster, is walking back down the hallway talking with a lab tech when they hear the sound of something breaking

A moment later the doors to the lab are flung open and DD is forcibly ejected, collapsing on the floor in front of them. Dr. Gottlieb exits the lab behind him, holding his cane like a cricket bat. There is a muffled sound of Newton yelling OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING

Liwen backs out of range of cane damage and sips her tea, mildly intrigued. The lab tech starts to run for help and nearly crashes into Nate and Jake, who came running to see what the yelling was about.

Nate: what is--

Dr. Gottlieb, panting with restrained bloodlust: HELLO SIRS GOOD TO SEE YOU I BELIEVE THERE'S BEEN A SECURITY BREACH BECAUSE THIS FELLOW HAS JUST BEEN CASUALLY CHATTING ABOUT RESTRICTED CLASS-J49 INFORMATION PLEASE LOCK HIM UP

DD: it's COMMON KNOWLEDGE and he ATTACKED me

Dr. Gottlieb: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID SIR!! *He takes a handkerchief out of his pocket and wipes some blood off the handle of his cane*

Nate: WHAT is happening

Newton: *trying to have a quiet hysterical laughter meltdown in the lab before anyone remembers he's there*

Anyways next plot point. An alien shows up

Not a Precursor! A nice alien

Listen if PR:U gets to pull all that bullshit with Mt Fuji I'm allowed to add aliens okay

Hermann should have a nice non-genocidal alien friend I think he deserves it

Anyways the alien is clearly a different species than the Precursors (or Kaiju) and seems friendly but they can't communicate with it, the linguistics team is working on it but it's going to take A Lot of Work

Hermann goes "hm I've got a quicker and more accurate option"and wheels out the drift interface

This alien's mind doesn't link well with human minds but Hermann is a pro and powers through

He gets seasick and throws up and finally comes out shaky with a bloody nose and eye but he's managed to communicate!

The alien is a diplomat from another world the Precursors attempted to colonize, they survived because the Precursors underestimated the humans' resilience and spread themselves too thin, trying to invade earth and the alien homeworld at the same time and then getting distracted dealing with the humans, which left the aliens time to prepare their defense

They're here to help with the war effort, they don't have a lot that's relevant to current human scientific understanding but they can help fill in some of the gaps in the human's knowledge about rifts

They're making progress! Yay!

Things are getting serious, training montage Jake and Nate and the new pilots getting ready to kick ass

Newton finally brings himself to apologize to Hermann and explain he was confused but the net progress here is still zero because then they immediately have ANOTHER argument

Hermann has started writing his notes in the alien's language, he wants to make sure he can remember it well enough to help the linguistics team, and it's also beautifully precise and he just loves it and loves that he's able to write it, come on who wouldn't be proud of being the first contact human

Newton sees a bunch of notes of Alien Gibberish (to him) and gets Bad Vibes

Newton doesn't think they can trust the alien, Hermann does but his proof is mainly "I can tell because I drifted with them" and Newton 1. Doesn't remember what that's like and 2. DOES remember that the last time he thought it was a good idea to drift with an alien he ended up nearly killing literally everyone on earth

They yell at each other some more

At some point Hermann tries to deescalate and asks why they can't be friends again and Newton, still yelling, says "people keep acting like we're friends and I don't remember it! As far as I'm concerned this is all we ever had! I barely remember you at all and what I do remember is that we hated each other!"

Hermann: ....I never hated you. .. alright, colleagues, then? We've got a rift to build

Newton, still hyperventilating slightly: ok ok yeah sure yeah

Interlude: Jules gets married!

She asks Hermann to walk her down the aisle (where she meets her wife, who walked down the opposite aisle to meet in the middle)

Newton, protesting "I don't know I don't feel like I should be here," is physically dragged into the venue by Liwen, who is telling him that this is a diplomatic event it's his duty to be at.

She drags him over to Hermann and settles between them, soaking in the chaotic gay science panic vibes

She seems to be enjoying herself

Jules sees Hermann in the audience and an evil gleam comes into her eye

She has a strong arm

She hurls her bouquet directly at his face

Hermann ducks, panic granting him lightning quick reflexes

The bouquet, travelling at about Mach 5, zooms past him and hits Jake Pentecost squarely in the nose

He inhales several petals of baby's breath and gets slapped in the eyelid by a vine and goes into a dramatic coughing fit. Nate pounds him on the back.

Alien, speaking through a translating device they've got set up (it isn't perfect but it works on a basic level mostly): is it bad luck to touch the flowers?

Hermann, still slightly panicked from the near miss: no it's ahh, there's this silly tradition that whoever catches the bouquet is likely to get married next, and ah, as you see there, sometimes a bride with a sense of humor will, err, intentionally aim it at someone who, uh, didn't necessarily want it?

Alien: I think I understand. My sibling often tells me to go the southern hills of ^°^=^^°^°^^°°= to find a mate, though I have told them many times that I have no such desire.

Nate and Jake are like "ok neither of us have a date I guess we're drinking our sorrows away together at the reception" and do that

And maybe make out a little bit

Neither of them is ready to deal with Feelings so they both just blame it on the alcohol and try not to think about it too hard

Newton, venting @ someone, explains that there's an empty space in his memory where he knows that that something about Hermann is supposed to go and it doesn't feel like the other, worse memories he's blocked out, it feels like he lost something precious, but he has no idea what that is

Hermann tells Newton he's been working on a device that might block out the Precursors' influence without affecting his memory, so he can use all of his knowledge. And so he isn't constantly so confused about who he does and doesn't know but he doesn't say that part

It connects to his skin a bit like a drift interface

Newton is terrified but enthusiastic about maybe being Less Confused All the Time

The fact that he is guarded by a full security detail to make sure he doesn't Become Evil Again the whole time he's going off his meds really doesn't help the stress much

Memories start coming back but they're confused and jumbled and at first he's not much better off

The Precursor nightmares are about what he expected but he keeps hearing Hermann's voice in there too and he's not sure why and he can't remember when he heard it like that

Meanwhile Hermann keeps needing to drift with the alien to clarify important details about the rift that they don't know how to translate into human terms, but it fucks him up a little bit more each time he does it until the last time he passes out for like at hour and wakes up disoriented with a nosebleed that just won't stop and Jake orders him to stop drifting

He's ok with that because they've got the information they needed anyway!

IT'S TIME, THEY'RE SENDING THE JAEGERS INTO THE RIFT

Newton, despite his misgivings, reluctantly joins Liwen, dr. Gottlieb and the alien in command to supervise the mission, still wearing the device and getting random bursts of confused memory

Jake and Nate are piloting the Lady Avenger (did u know gypsy is a slur and they prefer to be called Romani) and go though first and start punching Precursors and their bodyguard Kaiju

Newton goes very still and just stares at Hermann for like a solid minute while he's trying to work, his expression shifting to something new

Hermann, softly: what?

Newton, smiling: I remember you.

Hermann, furiously trying to interpret alien data: is this really the best time??

It's a close fight across the rift, the Precursors are on their home turf and the Jaegers are not, fighting in a bizarre low-gravity environment that doesn't really have floors

Their base is set up differently than expected and Hermann decides he needs to check something with the alien. By drifting with them. He's still bleeding uncontrollably after the last stunt that got him banned but he's determined to do it because It's Necessary

Newton takes the headset from him and puts it on instead

It feels Bad

But then he sees another planet, beautiful, so different from his own yet so similar. He sees aliens attacked by monsters from the deep, responding more or less how the humans had, moving inland, building useless walls, building their own monsters for defense. He sees the alien diplomat losing friends and family.

He sees the journey to earth, and drifting with Hermann. He sees the alien's memories of Hermann, and Hermann's memories in the drift. He sees how Hermann remembers him. What he forgot. What the Precursors had blinded him to.

He doesn't have time to think about it because he's feverishly trying to translate the knowledge he's receiving into data that works with their human technology so they can help the Jaegers and there's blood dripping from his face onto the controls but it's there, in the back of his mind, he knows now. Hermann missed him.

The Lady Avenger is hit and Jake is knocked unconscious. They begin to drift downwards as Nate, unable to move the Jaeger alone, yells at Jake with no response

Newton disconnects from the drift, nearly blacks out, and has to sit down for a minute. When he comes back around he sees the Jaegers are in trouble--none completely disabled yet, but they need more help

Newton has an idea

Newton: ok I'm gonna do something stupid. *To his security detail* listen I need you to aim your guns at me and shoot if you think I'm out of control

Liwen, with zero hesitation, reacting quicker than anyone else in the room, pulls out a gun and sticks it right in his face

Newton: see, yeah, that's what I was saying, like that. Thanks boss, glad someone here's got guts.

Liwen: not your boss

Newton: I kinda like saying it tho

Liwen: hm. I'll allow it.

Newton: ok. Hermann--uh

Hermann, hearing his name said right this time: it's ok

Newton: :) ok cool I'm going to deactivate the blocking device I need you to turn it back on as soon as I squeeze your hand, can you do that

Hermann: absolutely.

The Precursors are a hive mind. In battle, when pressed, they can force their thoughts outwards, confusing and scrambling the communications of other species while keeping in contact with each other. This is going well and normal until there's an unexpected distortion which resolves into Newton's voice

Yelling WHAT'S UP MOTHERFUCKERS I'M BACK

(epic Tom Morello riff)

Newton can't keep the connection open for more than a few seconds before they start to overwhelm him, Hermann pulls him back. It was enough to confuse the Precursors and give the jaegers an advantage.

During the delay, Jake wakes up. He's disoriented and in pain and so is Nate, still linked to him, but they can move again. They one-hit-k/o the Precursor that was creeping up on them, turn around, and realize they've drifted almost right into the reactor they've been looking for

So they blow it up

Hermann is still holding Newton's hand as everyone else celebrates. He looks at Newton for confirmation, who nods in relief.

"they're gone. Well, those ones are, anyway."

Humans start opening rifts across the galaxy to kick Precursor ass across multiple star systems

(epic Tom Morello riff intensifies)

Humans team up with multiple alien races previously menaced by the Precursors to take out their common enemy. Jaeger tech is combined with alien science, humans and aliens drifting

They figure out how to use a recording of Newton's Precursor-influenced brainwaves as a weapon to confuse them

So basically Newton makes a recording of himself screaming at the Precursors that's weaponized by teams across the galaxy and it's incredibly cathartic

Jake, in a hospital, is woken up by an infuriating snoring noise. Nate is sleeping in a chair by his bed. He's both annoyed and touched. Mostly the latter.

Hermann writes a book in what is now his third language, the alien script precise and beautiful

We see Newton and Hermann getting dressed together for an Important Event, they're both complaining about having to go but seem not to mind too much. Newton ties his tie too loose, like in the good old days. Hermann fixes it for him.

No one died

The free peoples of the galaxy took down the Precursors with no casualties and the power of screaming

#personal (ok to rb)#pacific rim #what to tag as #headcanons #fanfiction #sorta #humor #extended fever dream that wouldn't let me rest #EVERYONE'S GAY AND NO ONE DIED

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renohasbigtits · 3 years

Note

Omg your Iggy mpreg headcanon is so gooooddd! Will you consider to do another Iggy mpreg headcanon which takes place in the true ending?

Mpreg Ignis (Final Fantasy 15: True Ending Version)

AHAAHAHAHAH! I can’t believe that people really like the Mpreg Ignis Headcanon! Thank you so much!

Something you guys have probably noticed by now is that I’m not a huge fan of the true ending.

Not saying it’s bad, I just don’t like how:

•Noct dies

•Iggy is blind

•Ravus dies

I also don’t agree with the assumption that the alternative ending is a “happier ending” because Luna is still dead.

But I digress, I don’t think the ending is bad. it’s just not my favorite ending.

But I will do it. I will give the people what they want!

To make this one different than the Alternative ending this one will have;

•Ignis is Blind :(

•Noctis is dead (also Ravus)

•Ignis has his own restaurant because of course he should!!!

I guess this takes place two years after The light is restored. Idk you change that if ya want to.

Apologies if it’s similar to the Alternative version, I did try my best to make this one different!

Yes it’ll albaby’s are default Female but you can change it if you want to!

Alright alright, less talking, Let’s go!

(this does contain Mpreg =Male Pregnancy. Don’t like? Don’t read!)

•Look

•this man is a lot of things (hotter than satan is one of em.)

•but happy isn’t really one of them rn.

•Just broken up with his long time partner.

•things aren’t going well for him...

•than suddenly he’s getting sick!

• certain smells bother him, he’s throwing up every morning.

•it’s gotten to the point where he can’t really cook anymore at his restaurant. And he now has to supervise.

•not that it’s a huge issue since there are other amazing cooks there to help but Ignis does not like sitting on the sidelines.

•than a female co-worker, Shannon, asks Iggy what’s wrong, he tells her that he has a “strange illness”

•she asks what the symptoms are

•tiredness

•morning sickness

•Smell sensitivity

•Mood swings

•than she starts giggling.

•”Ignis, I’m a chef but I’m also a Mother of 3 kids.”

• “What are you imply, Pray tell?”

•”I think your Pregnant. You have the classic symptoms.”

•Ignis was dumbfounded. 𝘞𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘯𝘢𝘯𝘵?

•He made a Doctors appointment.

•After what feels like 𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘴, The Doctor comes back with the results.

•”Mr Scientia, The results are in. You are Pregnant! Congratulations!”

•Ignis was not one to be speechless but this...

•he wasn’t sure what to do!!

•he wasn’t sure if he was ready for Parenthood.

•He was Blind and he couldn’t never see what his child would look like.

•or, if it was the right time....

•so he turned to his friends, Prompto and Gladiolus, for help.

•Prompto had to ask if Iggy’s joking

•he wasn’t obviously

•Gladio asks if Ignis has tried to get the other parent involved.

•Ignis did tried to do that.

•it didn’t go well...

•the other parent outwardly admitted that they did not want to be in the baby’s life.

•Well Fuck

•Poor Ignis (someone hug him 🥺)

•Prompto and Gladiolus, being the best friends they are decided then and there, that there gonna help Ignis, no matter what decision he makes.

•Shannon, the coworker in question, steps up and offers Ignis tips on pregnancy, since she knows it can be stressful, especially with your first one.

•Ignis really appreciates it.

•she’s also leads when Ignis has a doctors appointment or is too sick to be there.

•8 Weeks: Ignis + Pregnant = Moody Ignis

•Little things bother him more than usual.

•Ignis almost Lashed out Prompto because he did something that annoyed him.

•Shannon assured Prompto that this is just a mood swing and that he didn’t mean it.

•at this point, Ignis and Shannon have started become close due to the fact that she’s basically has become his right hand man (or woman)

•Her helping more also has taken any stress Iggy has had about it off his chest.

•Ignis couldn’t be more greatful.

•12 weeks: a small bump has started to show. So adorable!

•And of course, ya know Prompto is gonna take SO.MANY.PICS of Ignis’s bump growing.

•he’s gonna scrapbook it (rip his sd card tho)

•lris already has started making baby clothes. Girl clothes.

•15 weeks: You thought he was a mom before? Oh you ain’t seen nothing yet!

•he acts real fatherly (or motherly) to the youngest employee at the restaurant.

•good thing to because the poor guy is always a nervous reck.

•he has talent but very little confidence. So Ignis assuring him, helps a lot.

•Shannon is now basically his iggy’s real hand man (or woman)

•she helps, even when Ignis’s there.

•not just in work, but in his pregnancy too (I swear. I did not mean to create a character)

•giving him tips, things to help him, with baby supplies to buy. She’s the real mvp.

•(let’s skip a little)

•20 Weeks: Ignis has already started to feel her move. It 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 his heart. (I’ll see myself out 🚪)

•All joking aside, he was genuinely touched (that wasn’t a pun. I swear!) by feeling her kick.

•At this point, Ignis had already found out it’s a girl. (Again, you can change it if ya want to.)

•much to lris’s delight.

• THATS IT! HE’S MAKING A BUN IN THE OVEN! (>:)

•lord take the wheel....

• he tries to control himself, when it comes to his strange cravings (like pickles with peanut butter?? Wtf???)

•but he gives in when no one’s looking.

•𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘯 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘰

•”I Noticed Ignis.”

•”I don’t know why you are referring to.”

•25-28 weeks: he’s already getting bigger (don’t say that to his face tho.)

•if you think his work is being put on hold while being very pregnant, you clearly have never met Ignis.

•of course, he is being a little more easy on himself. Not walking around as much and Shannon makes a lot more decisions (with iggy’s trust)

•but he is a workaholic, so he’s working til he takes maternity leave.

•(I’m really trying to add Gladio to the story but lol)

•Prompto is already getting a new sd card cause he’s taking SO.MANY.PREGNANCY. PICS.

• “Prompto, if you don’t take any unnecessary pictures, you wouldn’t have to buy another sd car-

•”I AM NOT DELETING ANY OF THIS PICS MR MOM!”

•32 Weeks (I’m trying not to make this boring lol): He’s still working!!

•Ain't nothin' gonna break-a my stride, Nobody gonna slow me down!

•Shannon starts to get a bit worried.

•”Sir. I believe that you should take a break. Please”

•Ignis looked at his right hand and smile. “I should. Thank you Shannon.”

•36 weeks: He feels 𝘵 𝘪 𝘳 𝘦 𝘥

•his poor swollen feet :(

•thankfully, lris is secretly planning a baby shower.

•Everyone is coming.

•Shannon distracting him until she’s called to bring him over.

•when Ignis sees this, he’s tears up.

•"𝘪𝘧 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘕𝘰𝘤𝘵 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦."

• he gets so many adorable gifts.

•Prompto gets him a Chocobo Plush (classic)

•Gladio gets him a toy dagger. This son of a Bit-

•”Hey, you are never too early to start training!”

•Shannon got him a baby mobile.

•lris gotten him more baby clothes. Yay....(Am I the only one who can’t stand getting clothes as a gift?)

• lris had made an adorable cake. In his mind, Iggy admitted that she was as good as he was.

•this mf still working around the restaurant from his office.

•”Igg-Sir. Can we talk?”

•”Yes Shannon. And you can call me Ignis, were mutuals.”

•”Ignis. Promise me that when you enter in the third trimester, that you’ll take maternity leave. You’ll need to prepare for your baby.”

•Ignis was taken a back a bit. Yes, her concerns were valid but he didn’t wanna put everything on Shannon.

•”Ignis, I know that you don’t wanna put everything on me but...but you need to Focus on your daughter. You need to prepare.”

•”I-“

•”I’ll handle it. I know what I’m doing.” She smiled.

•Ignis chuckled back. “Really?” Getting up from his chair.

•”Well.” She left while looking back. “I have learned from the best.”

•Ignis laughed. He did taught her well. “Alright. I will. Thank you Shannon.”

•”don’t thank me si- Ignis. I’m just doing my job.”

•honestly Shannon has been a great support system for Ignis. Not just because she knows a thing or two or three about pregnancy, but she really has stepped up.

•Ignis considers her a great friend.

37 weeks: 9 months. He now has to get ready.

•it’s his last day at the restaurant. For awhile anyways.

•it’s actually really emotional. The employees are sad that they won’t see him for awhile but are happy that he’s taking time to be ready on fatherhood (**cough cough Motherhood cough cough**)

•To Ignis, There like a family, a family he gained when he lost so much.

•his eyesight

• and Noct

•After they’ve closed, they celebrate.

•Ignis and Shannon smiling at everyone.

•”I’m proud of you Sir.”

•Ignis smiled back. “Really?”

•”Yeah. Your the bravest person I’ve met.”

•”How, Pray tell?”

•”You may be blind but you certainly don’t act like it. You 𝗡𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥 let it stop you. I’m- I’m really proud of you.” She choked up.

•Ignis looked at her with his Emerald eyes and she looked back.

•”And I’m proud of you to, Shannon.”

•(let’s cut to the chase. Oooo. Foreshadowing.)•

•38 weeks: Ignis wonders how much his blindness will affect his daughter.

•he wasn’t lying when he said that his senses have grown. He basically doesn’t need any help.

•not that he wouldn’t have either way, but he doesn’t wanna be a burden on anyone. Including his daughter.

•Sometime during the day, Iggy starts feeling pain down his back.

•it wasn’t too bad, so he went on with his day.

•but the pain got worse.

•so bad that he started doing his deep breath’s.

•(y’all what it is!!)

•(weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee woooooooooooooooo 🚑)

•(that will never get old xD)

•The midwife tells him to get to the hospital, NOW!

•This is it.

•he has to be cut open....

• She was here.

•Ignis holding his daughter for the first time. Well, he broke down.

•he couldn’t see her but he was there to her hold her. He is there for her.

•”Hi Darling. I’m your Father.”

•she suddenly stopped crying and stared at his bad eye.

•After a week, hes able to take her home.

•And oh, If you thought Prompto took too many photos of Ignis’s pregnancy belly....oh boy.

•he immediately starts taking many, MANY MANY, Photos of her.

•she actually looked confused.

• Gladio joking said “so, when are we going to train her?”

•Ignis later made his food cold, on purpose later that night.

•Shannon got to hold her and fell in love with her immediately.

•”feels like holding my son for the first, all over again.” She said teared up.

•Over the years, She has grown to being a shy and a adorable little girl.

•She’s so helpful during work and is popular with the staff. They treat her like they’re siblings.

•She always tries to help Ignis’s blindness. Guiding him around.

•”Watch where your going Daddy.”

•Even tho, he can get around just fine. It warms his heart that she tries to help him.

•Of course, Ignis wishes that Noct could have Met her. Even once.

•but somehow, he believes that Noct is watching her in heaven.

•Noctis is so proud of his friend.

Wow! So long! Well I hoped ya like it. I hope the true ending version is just as good as the alternative version.

I thought it would be cute that he would have a restaurant. ^~^ Gladio got the right idea 💡

Also I did not mean to create a new character, Shannon, but eh why not? I grew attached to her over the story (she sounds like a like Karen but she’s a good Karen. I promise.) and who knows? She might show up in other Headcanons 😉

Also whether you ship her with Ignis, is up to you. Hehehe. I don’t blame you tho.

Anyways, I hoped who requested this, liked it 💙💜

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incarnateirony · 4 years

Note

Thank you for your posts about canon / text / subtext definitions. I do wonder about what makes it 'obvious' to some people that Sam and Eileen have slept together. What do they think about Cas knowing that Dean kept the Colt under his pillow? Or that he's an angry sleeper? That look and gesture Dean gave Cas when he went to have a shower after Michael's first exit? The time he told Sam that Cas had left much earlier in the morning, when he'd clearly just got up himself? I'm confused

I have a simple answer: het goggles.

And yes, LGBT people can have het goggles.

I’m gonna tell you a brief story I’ve posted about before – and someone in the meta community even took an ~offended~ tone about it afterward when they heard about it.

A long time ago, the Dean played in my group (by an LGBT man) and I got tired of backflipping around the gay. In our S13-equivalent plotline (which was divergent, it basically split separate track after Tombstone), our respective climb to the finale, we had an opportunity. We took it. Tada, DeanCas canon! It was obvious, right? We run a genre server, we don’t do private sexy times shit, and one of the most important elements to us was being nonperformative and true to the characters. We sent out our big gay flare signals in public over, of all things, a sacred marriage ceremony and then cut-to next-day, where they were sitting in the kitchen talking. We kept using dialogue we intended to make as obvious as fucking possible and yet we noticed it seemed to be whistling by people.

(allow me to scream into the void as an aside about it being a 7 episode crash course through an inverted alchemical set about carrying marks that Cas ended up bound into with Dean. FREE ME.)

I went to DM and asked him, should we like, tell everyone? But the decision was to NOT, because even the best RPers can let meta things influence them. We wanted character reactions to remain authentic.

For the entire next mytharc (S14-adjacent?) we just kept writing on. And on. And on. And maintained their relationship as public, but as *they* are, as people. An established relationship. We didn’t hide it. And it kept getting missed. We kept dialing up HOW front and center shit was.

I want you to keep in mind, this is a server so full of shippers and LGBT people and LGBT shippers that we have a “token straight.”

And they kept missing it. Because of how this fandom has trained them to dismiss content.

If you want an idea of how bold it was, we were DMing each other like HAHA THEY CANT MISS THIS ONE “BET”, like a challenge, or just deadass “They’re going to miss that canon Destiel mention right there.” slamming out post after post with textual elements over the old missed news. There was even a time Cas joked about reconciliatory seduction, but not being the best at it, so maybe bacon would be better at the moment, or something along those lines. I sat, smugly, waiting for everyone to realize OMG WHAT, I even went to the OOC “Waiting for you guys to kill me”

What did I get back? “LOL CAS SAID SEDUCTION AND I LAUGHED” “LOL THAT’S AWESOME”

… “Oh my god give me a minute.” I literally had to walk away from my computer, refill my vape, rub my face down for a minute and DM my Dean, going “WHAT THE FUCK”

Our DeanCas wasn’t lowkey. Hell, it wasn’t even subtext. Just their physical elements were private quarter things and their “I love yous” weren’t really strangled down to that three words, but how they say, or enact it, each in their own ways, every day.

We literally said, on repeat “oh my god this is what Bobo and Yockey’s DMs look like isn’t it” “Without a doubt tbh”

And I mean shit, there was literally a point that Michael Dean basically killed Cas (without actually kiilling him, it was the jumpscare) in Dean’s bedroom on Dean’s bed after being lured in to talk about some shit by actual-Dean who realized Cas was going off on a sacrificial crash course and he cuffed him down there. So that? Sure, that wasn’t sexy time bedcuffing. But when Michael got his hands on the archangel blade and it killed the angel (grace) not the host (soul), and Cas’ wing prints of his near death were all over the bedroom and everything was broken – when Dean decided to move out to the DeanCave, he took human Cas with him.

Awww isn’t that sweet!! He’s like!! Taking care of Cas during his Empty trauma! was the call. Me and Dean’s player sat there staring like

So we had them literally, for a fun crack day, GO SHOPPING FOR A NEW BED. TOGETHER. ONE BED. TESTING IT OUT AND TALKING IMPORTANT SHIT WHILE LAID OUT ON TOP OF IT AND EVERYTHING. YOU KNOW, LIKE BROS DO, SHARING BEDS AND TALKING PERSONAL ISSUES.

Everybody thought it was *hilarious*

And it wasn’t even just shit like this, we had entire mytharcs playing into it. We had structural callback elements to famous related scenes. We had villains and contagonists addressing them as the mytharc lovers. Everywhere you turned, in any way you can imagine, we were trying to paint this picture without just having them randomly start cuddling in front of everybody. Lines like “DAMNIT CAS, BEFORE WE STARTED THIS, I MADE YOU PROMISE TO NOT MAKE ME YOUR WHOLE WORLD, OR UNIVERSE OR WHATEVER” in raging explosions over crash course choices or whatever else. I can not say ENOUGh how much open textual writing we sprayed out, only for it to be dismissed, brushed over, or even laugh tracked off entirely.

By. LGBT people. And shippers.

And people are *so quick* to shut down content that the few things that *seemed* to run opposite were entirely taken to heart. Eg, at one point, only a few weeks after 1. DeanCas went canon 2. Dean became Dinkle and vanished to the wind, someone had their character start talking to Jack about types of love and that “Dean and Cas need to get their heads out of their ass”, etc, and then Jack sat confused and Jack got talked to about Dean and Cas being dumbasses that need their shit together.

So here comes Cas, wandering into the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee and he turns around to Jack GLARING at him and he’s basically like, what, and Jack explodes, as a child do, like “WHY DO YOU HAVE THE SEX WITH WOMEN WHEN YOUR HEAD SHOULD BE IN DEAN’S ASS” and Cas just fuckin DROPS his coffee cup and looks to the other person and is like “What did you tell him?!” but they took the resulting “WTF? WHAT ARE YOU TELLING MY SON?” as immediate complete total shut down (atop them clearly not realizing it already happened), rather than like, I just crawled my ass out of an alternate universe I was thrown into right after getting married and losing him and what the hell are you telling my 1 year old son about his dads when one might not come back and why the fuck does he think i’m sleeping with women

Eventually, I snapped. We ended up with a finale of facing Chuck (albeit totally different terms/conditions/location/etc) and yes, even a truth spell, so I went out of my way – and Sam’s player, who is my wife, and was the one person to really figure this out herself because she knows my writing for one and for two I’m the one that personally shattered her het goggles SO SHE KNOWS – went out of their way, and we lined it up exactly right for all the things to come together to hear Sam explode on Dean about just being honest about being in love with an angel and I just – slightly tweaking the usual character voice I’d use to free myself of this gay purgatory, had Cas go “Yes, I know. He told me a year ago.”

The whole goddamn chat: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Finally, fucking FINALLY, something broke through to everyone, with us literally warping and bending situations and character voices just to be like RELEASE ME

– but when one of the big name meta bloggers got told about this? They were like “Aren’t you mad? Don’t you want more visible representation???” to which I was like IDK MAN I WAS FOLLOWING THE REPRESENTATION LEAD OF THE GAY DUDE IN MY SERVER SO ASK HIM? WE WERE TRYING TO REPRESENT PEOPLE JUST WEREN’T SOAKING IT???? IDK??? WHAT DO YOU WANT

Everyone actually in the server took it really well, “heteronormativity is a hell of a drug” was one of the catch phrases for a while. People went back and sat, kinda embarrassed, reading over a goddamn season worth of canon Destiel and kicking themselves like, how did I miss this? How did I straightsplain this? What the fuck?????

So yeah. Heteronormativity is the biggest culprit and, in many cases, the second is the lack of willingness to introspect and reflect because if they’ve been ~wrong~ then… something. I don’t know what exactly goes through their head. But something.

I’ll add the video I made after 14.20 aired which made some material about Chuck available for it, to “Rat in a Cage” (rats in a maze S15 launch me into SPACE), but that sign over DeanCas? That’s the mark of Venus.

youtube

#supernatural #spn #meta #my meta #heteronormativity #destiel

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pa-tr0-clus-backup · 3 years

Text

This is just gonna be a rant/train of thought/absolute mess cause idk what I’m doing but like yeah so as with all my personal posts if anyone sees this then please just ignore it lol sorry I’m so annoying but I just like typing things and then sending them into the void so y’know

Basically my mental health has been getting worse and worse for a while which isn’t surprising since it’s always bad but gets worse 1) when New Things are happening and 2) during winter and I just started uni this year and it’s fucking dark at 4pm now everyday. But yeah so I’ve been self-harming and having suicidal thoughts for six years now. I’ve attempted suicide once and planned/prepared to kill myself at least three times by now. It’s not great in my head honestly and it hasn’t been for many years.

I’ve tried to get help twice. The first time I was thirteen and told my parents/school/GP and... none of them did anything. They all just thought I was attention seeking and would stop on my own if they didn’t ‘indulge me’. I wasn’t diagnosed with anything or referred for therapy or meds or anything. They ignored it and surprise surprise it didn’t fucking stop. They just didn’t know about it anymore.

The second time I tried to get help I was seventeen and I referred myself to the school counsellor. They were a counsellor in training from the local college and quite frankly absolute shit. I felt worse and worse after each session and honestly felt relieved when the 6 sessions I was allotted were over.

Part of the issue is I have been struggling for so long that 1) I don’t know who I am if I’m not feeling Like This and 2) Ive had such bad experiences with trying to get help I can’t bring myself to try again. What’s got me thinking about all this again is the fact that the newest development in my shitty shitty mental health is an eating disorder. Now again, I’m not diagnosed with anything, but after months of consideration I can tentatively consider that eating 500 calories a day for months on end and feeling fat and sick after eating literally anything and refusing to drink any water for several consecutive days so I don’t gain ‘water weight’ may possibly be indicators of an eating disorder.

I still feel bad saying anything since I’m so terrified of self-diagnosing and being told I’m just attention seeking again which is why even after all this time it’s so damn hard to admit that I’m probably depressed. I can work with tangible things that I know for a fact such as that at this point I cut myself almost every day, and I can sleep for 12 hours a night and still feel exhausted in my bones, and that I hate my body so damn much that I have to shower with my eyes closed or end up clawing at my skin, and that I spend hours and hours obsessing over the thought of killing myself and planning how to do it and going as far as to stockpile pills so I could overdose, only being stopped by the fact that when I googled to see if I had enough to kill me I found out that it would’ve taken several days to actually end things so that ruled overdose out. And I live in a city so that ruled jumping off a bridge out since I’d definitely be caught. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Another part of the issue is The Trans™️Thing™️. Because yes a lot of my issues stem from my crippling dysphoria. And that’s not a thing I can change. My family is transphobic so I can’t come out. I can’t transition. I’m going to be stuck in this goddman fucking body til the day I die. And I can’t fucking cope with that. And I haven’t been coping with that for a very, very, very long time.

Therapy can’t help me. I already know the ins and outs of why I feel so shit all the time. No amount of bloody alternative thinking can change things. Which only leaves medication which my parents have expressely forbidden me to take. Any medication. Literally. Any. Yes including birth control. No they are not religious, just fucking crazy and think that any issue I have (including any colds/flu/normal illness) are just me exaggerating and will get better by themselves (reason why I had a veruca for four years even though they are very easily treatable).

And yes I’m nineteen now and don’t need parental permission for my health care but they also search through all my stuff in my room whenever I’m not there and I can’t just,, not take meds home during uni breaks since that would probably fuck me up even more. But also yeah I’m a nineteen year old guy not a thirteen year old girl anymore. Honestly I feel embarrassed that it’s gone on this long. All my high school friends got better, so why can’t I?

But yeah so why should I stay alive? What’s the fucking point? My issues are going to be with my til the day I fucking die whether that’s by my own hand or something else. This isn’t a short term issue that can be fixed this is it for me. This is my lot in life and I’m absolutely fucking sick of it. So why can’t I just die?

#tw #trigger warning #tw self harm #tw suicide #tw eating disorder

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pokemontrashfics · 4 years

Note

(Hey I’m the anon who’s question got cut off oof I’m so sorry ;-;) I was wondering if you could write a hc or drabble abt Leon and a fem!S/O who self h*rms? Like how would he react to it? Is he supportive of them? I’m super sorry it got cut off idk what happened. (Also if you don’t want to do this I 100% understand I’m sorry for bothering you)

Gonna add the content warnings early cause I know this is a sensitive one. I know it might be something people wonder about but one of the reasons I’m willing to write content like this is because I’ve been through a lot of stuff like this and I know how cathartic it can be to read and write about these things. Like I said in my rules, writing helps me unload, it’s cathartic. I hope it does the same thing for the people reading it.

I urge people struggling with self harm to seek help of some kind, here are some resources:

Text ‘connect’ to 741741 for an anonymous self harm helpline

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists to find a therapist

https://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines a list of international suicide helplines - even if suicide isn’t what you’re contacting them about, they’re still trained to help people in a crisis, and can help point you in the right direction

https://calmharm.co.uk/ the app I use to curb self harm urges. It gives a lot of options for alternative constructive coping mechanisms rather than destructive ones

Content warning: This post contains discussion of self injury (cutting), blood, and dissociation. It could be very distressing to those who have experienced any of these, please use caution and discretion before reading this piece

I never thought he would find out, especially not like this. This was something I was especially careful to hide, I’d never been so secretive about something and it was slowly destroying me.

It’s not like I was losing a lot of blood… but I was cutting more and deeper every time. And Leon was definitely noticing that I was colder than usual, that I got dizzy every time I stood up, that I was lethargic, I was slow to wake up, and having a hard time falling asleep.

I could tell he was worried but I also knew he hadn’t figured it out. People start to act different when they figure it out.

I was doing it every day now, I ran the shower on cold so I wouldn’t waste energy while I sat on the other side of the bathroom and cut open my skin. It felt like I was outside my body, like I was floating above it when it happened. Like my soul was escaping for a little while. I would stare at the silver blade, at the red blood on the white tiles and I could hear my heart in my ears, muffling out all other sounds. I made sure to wash the blades every time, I made sure I took care of the cuts too. The last thing I wanted was Leon finding out because I was stuck in the hospital with an infection.

But I’ll never forget the day he did find out. I must have forgotten to lock the door and turn the shower on that day. The details are fuzzy… but I remember Leon opening the door to see me, naked on my knees. I was holding the blade from a pencil sharpener, and there were cuts on my thighs and wrists, the blood had dripped on my favorite shirt… I hadn’t noticed before.

It was about twenty seconds before Leon moved, I don’t think he fully comprehended the situation at first, but suddenly he was picking me up and carrying me to the kitchen table. He set me down on one of the chairs and stared at my cuts, the blood was starting to get dry and crusty but the smell was pungent. I had never seen this before, my Inteleon broke out of his pokeball. I was still dissociating hard as Leon and my Inteleon worked on cleaning out the cuts on my legs and arms. I could tell Leon was talking and my Inteleon was making noise, but I have no idea what Leon was saying. All the sound in the world was muffled, like I was wearing headphones. All I could hear was my heart thumping in my chest. I just sat there, naked, bleeding and now wet from my Inteleon squirting water on the cuts. I felt rubbing alcohol in the cuts and the sting brought me back to myself. I blinked slowly and looked at Leon, he was a mess. I hadn’t comprehended it before now, with the haze my brain was in but he was crying.

“Leon?” I touched his cheek, blood and water dripped down my wrist and onto his shirt.

He squeezed my hand, “Just relax for a minute okay?” he said “I’ll get you cleaned up, we’ll get you help, I promise I’ll get you help.”

I’d never seen Leon such a mess, I hugged him tightly.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered “I didn’t know what to do or when I should tell you…”

He shook his head swallowing his tears “Let’s just get you to bed, I’m going to lock every sharp thing we have in the drawer. Tomorrow, I’ll take you to the doctor.”

I nodded against him, finally surrendering, finally letting myself get the help I needed.

#swsh #pokemon swsh #pokemon #pokemon sword and shield #sword and shield #imagines #pokemon imagines #pokemon leon #leon #champion leon #tw #tw self harm #tw self injury #self harm #self injury

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shaekingshitup · 5 years

Text

Stay Grounded (Grindin Pt 2)

A/N: Writing this was a battle but I learned some things so it’s cool. Definitely don’t plan on anymore stories with these two. I don’t think I like Reader Inserts rn. But hey, he came back! If I told you I’d tag you and I didn’t I’m sorry. Idk a good method of actually keeping a taglist yet. D: This has been chillin in my drafts. Hopefully, you like it. Honestly, just thanks for reading! 💕

Word Count: 3.8k-ish but I swear it feels like 500 plot wise

Part 1

“Thanks Paul. I’ll see you next week,” you said as you placed one of your favorite regular’s drink on the counter.

“Bye Y/N” he called out on his way towards the exit. You checked in with your staff to make sure that they were doing okay. You weren’t an overbearing owner. You trained employees whom were competent and that you trusted to carry on your business when you weren’t there. But, you did your best to make yourself available to stop in when you knew your crew would be busiest. Plus, Grindin was your baby. You could never stay away for too long.

GRINDIN chimed out as another patron came in. You looked up to greet whomever it was with a smile.

“Michaela! Hey girl. Long time no see.” you greeted

“I know. I was honeymooning with my baaa-by,” she sang moving her goddess braids so that they were behind her back and making sure her diamond ring was on full display.

“YAS! Girl, I am so happy for you and Jon. I hope you two had a wonderful time. I see you over there Mrs. Kirk. Are you getting your usual today?” you asked.

“Girl, you don’t know the HALF of it. My boss paid for da baby and me to go on an all expenses trip to Bahamas,” you widened your eyes at this. You can’t even remember your last real vacation. “Originally we were just going to spend a weekend away in San Diego. But, he surprised us with a week long paid vacation to the one place Jon and I truly wanted to visit. I can’t quit smiling.” she sighed with one of the brightest smiles you’d ever seen on someone. You couldn’t help but smile back. “But anywho, I’m not here for the usual actually. My boss just got back to the country from some away business as well and I guess his time away switched up his tastebuds. He’s going to take a large Brew Thang and I’ll stick with my usual small, hot Bad n Brewjie with whipped cream.”

“Absolutely girl. Comin’ right up,” Michaela handed over the business card to pay and afterwards you transitioned over to the bar to start on the drinks.It was clear that Michaela had more to say. You could see it in her body language that she was holding on to something that she needed to spill.

“Somethin’ on your mind sis? Gone ahead and spit it out.” you assured her.

“What’re you doing tonight?” she asked out of the blue.

“I’ve got a lil date tonight. Why do you ask?”

“Wait. Sis, you got a nigga?” Michaela whispered quite loudly as she raised her left eyebrow. That got you a few glances from some people working at the countertop. You were certain that the one with headphones in had heard her loud ass too. She could be really nosey sometimes but you still appreciated her presence and her business whenever she stopped in.

“Hahaha. Not at the moment. It’s a date with myself because I deserve to eat well and be treated right -even if I’m the only one treating. Why? What’s happening tonight?” you asked trying not to reveal too much of your intrigue. Sure you had plans but if the offer was right, you could bend em.

“ Okay. So, my boss actually asked me to invite you to dinner tonight at The Liftoff because-“

“The Liftoff? Wait, who the hell is your boss? fucking President Barack Obama?” you damn near yelped as you stared at her with your eyebrows reaching the ceiling. In order to get into The Liftoff you had to have money. Not just a lil cheddar. But BIG BANK! More than that you had to have clout. If you didn’t have someone invite you, you were never getting in. Many people hadn’t even heard of it- you happened to have a few wealthy and loyal customers stop in every now and then and had overheard them discussing it once.

“His name is Erik. I’m not sure if you remember him but I guess he was in here a few weeks ago,”

2 weeks and 3 days ago sis. But hey, who’s counting? You thought.

“That was when I was out for my wedding. I guess it was a good thing too.”

Aloud, you feigned delayed recognition “Oh yeaahhh. Yeah, I remember him stopping in”

“He was planning on picking you up tonight at six to go to dinner and finish up where y’all left off..” she trailed and left the floor for you. She was not so subtly implying that you two had started something and she was all ears.

“Well, sis. You can let Mr. Erik know that I’m unavailable for the evening. And if he wants to see me, Imma need him to come in here and ask me himself,” you said placing both drinks on the countertop.

“You playing hard to get sis?” she countered.

“I’m not playing anything. I have standards and I know my worth through and through. If he can’t come ask me face to face himself, then the answer will forever be no.”

Michaela was shocked by your response but managed to get out “I’ll be certain to relay the message.” As she made her exit, she turned back to you. “I respect you sis. A lot of females see a nigga like him and are ready to hop over the counter at one of his slick ass lines. You’re bout to give him a run for his money- and he got plenty!” she cackled. With that she left and left you alone with your thoughts.

————————

When you made it back to your place, it was time for a shower. The smell of coffee was one of your personal tell-tales signs of how long you’d spent at your shop to make sure everything was in order. Right now, the scent was permeating around you. It had been stated on more than one occasion that you were a workaholic. You simply cared about your baby and wanted to make sure that you gave the best back to the city that raised you. So, it was always hard to establish boundaries for when you had to tend to yourself rather than Grindin. But today was your day.

The second you opened the door, you started shedding your clothes as if they were contaminated. You loved walking around your condo bare ass naked- without a care in the world as to who did or did not see you in all your glory. You adjusted your A/C to a crisp 68 degrees and headed to your bathroom to start your water. Grabbing your phone, you put on a fun playlist to dance to a little. Kiana Ledé’s “Bouncin” started playing out of your waterproof speaker and you hopped in to wash the morning away and bounce a little yourself. The rest of the day was going to be a self-care day. You had it all planned out. First, shower. Next, nap. Then, you planned on putting on a little makeup, serving looks with your latest fit, doing some shopping and then you’d take yourself to dinner. You made sure to do this at least once a month with yourself. Sometimes people would see you dressed to impressed and they’d take pity on you for being alone. But that wasn’t how you saw it at all and you let them know it. Whenever anyone gave you sad eyes or took it upon themselves to join you on your night out, you let them know that this was your intended personal time and that you weren’t crumbled or broken by not having someone to sit across from you.

Obviously, there were times you really wished that someone would take it upon themselves to treat you so you didn’t have to do it yourself. But, on these nights you made sure to be appreciative of who you were whether there was an admirer to acknowledge this or not. Your mind drifted over these things as you hopped out the shower and moisturized your body from head to toe.

Shower ✅

You re-entered your room and buried yourself beneath your covers. The silk sheets had been calling out your name since you’d step foot inside and you were done denying them their request. It was time for that nap. 💤💤😴

——————————————

FRESH OUT THE BOX

STOP, LOCK AND WATCH

READY YET, GET SET

IT’S AALL THAT!

called out from your bedside dresser as you stretched out your limbs and tried to reach out for the phone.

OHHHHHH, OH, OHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THIS IS ALL THAT!

THIS IS ALLL THAT!

“Fuck it,” you said as you hopped out the bed and began your performance. You grabbed your phone and used it as your mic as your bedroom became your stage.

Check it, check it, check it

Now this is just an introduction

Before I blow your mind

The show is All of That and yes we do it all the time

So sit your booty on the floor or in a chair

Ground or in the air

Just don’t go no-where!

You gave it all you had for the full 1 minute and 6 seconds only ceasing when the alarm tune was starting over from the top. Dancing was one of your favorite ways to wake up. It made you feel more alive and ready to conquer the rest of your day.

Nap ✅

You meander over to the kitchen to grab a banana and some cranberry juice before tossing on an oversized t-shirt and sitting in front of your vanity. Next on your list was makeup. You synched your phone’s bluetooth to your mirror and played your Self Love playlist to sing along to. You planned on applying a light beat and wanted to make sure you did so without getting any makeup on your body. Makeup was not your forté by any means but you loved to play a little and were able to copy all the simple tutorials. Today that mean browns all around. You dabbed on some foundation and two brown eye shadows, one that was subtle and another with more shimmer to compliment your natural glow. A little black eyeliner, mascara and nude lip gloss to bring it all together.

Makeup ✅

The fit for the evening was on point if you did say so yourself. A little casual but alluring nevertheless.

Jade green bottoms which accentuated your curves with a cream colored long sleeve shirt that had a very deep v cut. You were really playin into your sexy side for the evening and it made you feel bold and dangerous.

You went with rose gold accessories to compliment your brown skin and eyes. Your watch and lock necklace were simple but altogether the look had you feelin like you were an 11/10 and that was the goal. You always wanted to remember that you were desired-even if only by yourself. You removed your phone from the charger, responding to a quick text from Lu about your plans for the evening and when you’d be available, disconnected your music from the bluetooth mirror and headed to your front door to put on your heels.

Serve these fuckin looks ✅

———

You were on your fourth store and your Gummy Bear smoothie was all but gone. Thus far nothing was really speaking to you. You’d purchased some accessories and saw a lot of cute clothing items but nothing that was significant enough to bring home. Your shopping rule was : “If you don’t love it in the store, you won’t love it at home,”. You exited the boutique and made your way to the escalator ascending to the second level where you parked your car. You reached for your phone as it vibrated in your back pocket. Glancing at the screen you saw that it was Ray who was reaching out.

“Hey Ray J!” you laughed at the nickname he despised. His one wish was that you would stop calling him that.

“Y/N where are you?” he sounded concerned. He hadn’t even yelled at you for using the nickname that he couldn’t stand.

“I’m leaving the mall. What’s wrong?”

“Jaime had a family emergency and can’t close tonight. Eve is there but she’s still new you know. He had to leave and no one else is available to come in for him and close,” he said.

“Really? No Sherell, Chris or Rico?”

“No. None of them can make it. I would go in but I’m in Frisco right now. I know it’s your date night and I hate to do this. But, do you think you can close up?”

“Yeah.” you sighed, “Yeah, I can make it. It’s almost quitting time anyways. Plus I’m hella closer than you are. But just know you owe me! If you took your ass across the bridge on a whim, the dick better be good! ”

“Trust me boo it will be and I got you next time!”

“Yeah, whatever.” You hung up and wondered why the hell Ray decided to go to San Francisco on a whim when he was scheduled to be back up in case anything went awry for the evening. That was the whole purpose of the schedule that the two of you created. This was a perfect example of something unexpected occurring and yet he was M.I.A. You pondered these thoughts as you headed to your car and headed back towards your shop. You made sure to call and cancel your dinner reservation because that definitely wasn’t happening anymore.

Thank God I always keep a change of clothes at work you thought, cringing about how awkward it would be to slang coffee with your titties on full display considering you’d forgone a bra for the evening.

When you pulled up it was 6:30. The shop closed at 8 tonight so you had half an hour before you began pre-close. You walked in and scurried to the back to change into a merch sweater which read “Stay Grounded and some black leggings.

Eve was holding it down as best as she could. But it was evident that she was stressed.

“Hey, I’ll take the bar. You go ahead and ring em up, okay?” you offered.

She sighed and released a lot of the tension in her shoulders. “Okay.”

There were already 4 drinks waiting to be made. So, you got to work.

“Sorry your first night shift has been a bit of a whirlwind,” you told her once it had slowed down a bit. It was 6:58 and you didn’t anticipate there being too much of a let up. “Do you have your pre-close list with you?”

“Yeah. I was going to do the final bathroom check.”

“Great! Go ahead and get started. I’ll do most of the behind the counter stuff tonight. You focus on the customer areas. I may call you if orders get crazy,”

“Sounds like a plan boss!”

“Y/N!” you corrected.

Customers trickled in throughout the last hour. But when 7:45 came around and they saw that you were already cleaning up shop, most of them started to pack up their things and go. By 7:56 you were ecstatic. Everyone was gone. You just had to lock the door and then you could count money and tips, do a final sweep and mop and head out the shop. At least that was the plan, until you heard GRINDIN chime throughout the store at 7:58 P.M. You rolled your eyes. Unfortunately, this was no new occurrence to you. Customers were notorious for getting their final fix in the last few minutes before you closed up. Most of the time it didn’t bother you. But tonight, you were hungry and jaded that your plans for the evening had changed.

“Welcome! I just want to let you know that we will be closing in just a couple minutes here,” you called out without looking up as you wiped down the counter, “Let me know if you have any questions.”

“Yeah I got one.” the timber of his voice compelled you to stop and give him your full attention. You looked up to see Erik, dressed in a slightly less formal ensemble than when you’d first met.

He adorned a pair of dark trousers, a white button up shirt with polka dots and suede loafers. But, he still looked so..

“Delicious?” he asked.

Hol’ up. First he’s Barack and now he reads minds too?

“I’m sorry” you say trying and failing to hide your flustered nature. “What was that?”

He smirked. “It’s okay baby girl. I’m sure you got a lot to take in with your day and all,” he stated as he took a few steps forward which didn’t help to alleviate your confused state at all. “I said since you took the time to introduce me to something new. I haven’t been able to get you off my mind. How about tonight it’s my turn to show you something delicious?”

Your reaction came as if you were on auto-pilot.

“I would love to but I’m barely closing up shop. By the time I count the drawer and we find a restaurant and actually place an order it’ll be pretty late. You shouldn’t hold off on dinner on account of me,” you said.

Erik kissed his teeth. “Yo workaholic ass don’t know how to say ‘no’ to anyone who wanna show you a good time, do you?” It must have been a rhetorical question because he went on, “Gone ahead and finish up closing your shop. When you done, meet me in the back.”

“Hold on. I

“Aht- aht- aht. This is no longer an option. This is the game plan. Close up, freshen up into some non-coffee gear and meet me out back. I’ll be there.” he said sternly and with that, he left.

Eve came out from the back of the shop with a broom in hand. You stood there frozen for a moment.

Did this negro just boss me around? In my own damn shop?? You thought.

Yes. Yes. He did sis. And you liked it so shut up and close up!

You locked the front door to bar anyone else from coming in and started counting the drawer. By the time you were done, Eve had swept, mopped the front and turned on the fans to help the floor dry quickly.

“Great job tonight Eve! I’m sure in the future it won’t be as.. disruptive. Either way, you killed it.”

“Thanks Y/N did you need me to stay or-?”

“Uh-uh. Go ahead sis!”. The second you locked the door behind her. You dashed to the restroom to freshen up and put on your clothes from earlier in the day. You rolled on some perfume and reapplied your gloss before you hit all the lights, locked the door, set the alarm and circled around the back of the shop.

When you got there, you came to a full stop and your jaw dropped. It was gorgeous. The back lot of the shop was decorated in lights throughout the trees. In the center there was a table for two, a whole ass waiter and was that music? You glanced around to find that tucked away in the corner there was indeed a harpist playing beautiful melodies.

“Damn girl and I thought I was going to surprise you with my view,” Erik said as you turned around to face him. He was holding a single purple daisy- which just happened to be your favorite flower. He placed it in your hands and pulled out your chair for you to have a seat.

“How? How did you do all of this and how did you know this was my favorite flower?” you asked with an expression of bewilderment taking over your features.

“I promise I’ll explain alldat baby girl. But first, I need to say I’m sorry”. This surprised you. You’d spent less than an hour in this man’s presence but he already didn’t strike you as the apologetic type.You placed your flower on the table and gave a nod of your head for him to go on. “When I met you a few weeks back. I meant to ask yo fine ass out right then and there. Unfortunately, that call that I got was urgent and it needed me to leave the country immediately,”. He finished.

“Oh my. Is everything alright?” you asked

“It is now. I handled it as I always do,” he stated with a conceited grin, “That’s why I came back to ask you out. I don’t leave anything unfinished.”

“Last time I checked this wasn’t an option. You didn’t ask nothin” He chuckled at that. The waiter came over at that moment to introduce himself, present the menu and fill up your water. He didn’t need to explain anything because there weren’t options on it. It was simply an itinerary for what your palette could expect. Appetizer, Entree, Dessert. They were all your favorites with a subtle twist. You were impresed. The menu was elegantly done and it looked fly as hell. You might have to keep a copy to give to Lu for inspiration.

“Well, actually I did,” Erik began when Duke, the waiter made his exit, “I was in earlier to ask yo stubborn ass-”

“You got one more time to talk about my ass before this becomes a solo event,” you interjected.

“Aight, bet. We can take a pause on that ass for now,” he smirked, “I was in earlier to ask you to dinner face to face, but yo people told me that you were unavailable for the evening. So, we made a few changes to make you available.”

“You what?”

“I paid ya mans Jaime a few bills to take the night off. Ray and Lulu was already on board,” you glanced down at the menu of our favorite foods again, “yup. That was them. They told me what you like. I just got the chef and made sure that Michaela hired the right people to make this vision come together. We all agree that it’s time for you to take a break, ma”

“Wait a minute. You bribed my staff? Plus, Lulu and Ray were in cahoots with you on this?! You barely even know me.”

“And? I’m tryna know you”

“I’m just sayin that’s a hole lotta trouble for a virtual stranger.”

“But you not a stranger. You the one that left me satisfied. Now just enjoy the rest of the evening and let me do the same for you,” he said as he picked up your hand and caressed it all the while never breaking eye contact with you.

“Okay.” you got out meekly. You cleared your throat and tried again. “Okay, Imma let you finish what you started,” you said

He smiled one of the most genuine and naturally alluring smiles you’d ever seen.

“ I can already tell you ain’t used to letting others take control. But don’t worry ma. I got this and I got you,” you were all the way blushing at this point, “Tell me about your day. Was it as brewtiful as you are?”

You laughed out loud as Duke placed your appetizers in front of you. “You corny.”

“And you like it,” You could already tell that he was going to do good on his word. You were leaving satisfied tonight one way or another.

Tag List: @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @shewrites02 @shewritestheblues @ghostfacekill-monger @sarcastic-sunshines @fd-writes @eyeknowmywrites @twistedcharismaaa @thadelightfulone @raysunshine78

#shaekingspeaks #grindin #stay grounded #erik stevens x reader #erik x reader #erik killmonger #black panther fanfiction #black panther #erik x black reader

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unboundbnha · 4 years

Text

hoooo my god. this is for ME

for me. for godzilla. :’)

➤ rules; make headcanons of you and a character of your choice, be it sfw or nsfw.

Thank you so much for tagging me @spicyness! I’m gonna SKAJHDSKJ. HHHHH. This is everything? Fuck I just want a purple boyfriend 😫 this will be about Shinsou because I like him a normal amount :-)

First off, I’m a pain in the ass. My sense of humor is wack (it’s basically just ‘annoy my friends and loved ones’), I’m always fricken TANKING The Mood (because it’s funny and I physically cannot resist making a Funny if the opportunity’s there), everything turns into a game unless you make me stop wink wonk. Shinsou seems like the type to snort in amusement and roll his eyes at my dumb antics, and I appreciate that! If I could make him legit laugh I’d die happy. (I am also emotionally savvy enough to know when to draw the line though, don’t worry. It’s just, man, my idea of fun is ‘LET’S ROAST ‘EM’)

I love cats. I’ll lose my whole mind over them. They NEED head kisses. Shinsou also likes cats. He also needs head kisses. That’s it, that’s the bullet point

Being open and honest and genuine is important to me. I believe most any relationship (friendship or otherwise) can work if you’re willing to communicate and empathize with the other person: I would 100% be willing to hear Shinsou’s shit, and he seems like he’d be a good listener too. I’m also good at logicking things through and he seems like he’d appreciate that. Likewise, he seems like he’d do the same for me, and as long as we stayed humble and weren’t looking to be offended (I don’t Do That -- he’s a Cancer -- love you, Cancers -- so it might take him a minute to get on the same page, but he’s emotionally smort and cares about me so I think he’d be willing to work at it) then we could help each other through emotionally hard stuff with hard truths. Plus, I’m a super honest person: if he was in a relationship with me he’d probably be pretty secure in knowing I wouldn’t hurt him on purpose. If past shit comes up with him, I’ll talk to him. Talking’s the good shit, y’all: utilize patience and empathy and you’ll be so well off!

I also battle, with a big fucking sword, a lot with mental health stuff (LMAOOOO WHO DON’T!!! YEET). I used to struggle with agoraphobia and still deal with anxiety and depression. On top of that, I have something like chronic fatigue -- I’ve been calling it chronic fatigue because I’m fucking tired, all the time. My top energy levels are like a 35% on a fantastic day. I really like the idea of this boye seeing me melting into a puddle, face down on the carpet, and bein like “how’s it going down there? you okay?” and the answer being obviously no, but him just like. Man I dunno. He seems like the kind of person who’s tired, but who can live with it. I can’t! When I’m tired, that’s it babes! I hit a 0% on my battery and I’ll collapse! So I just, hhhh. Don’t laugh, but I like to fantasize about him bundling me up and into bed. Thinkin’ about Birthday Snoot by my good friend @lord-explosion-baku and melting, okay?? OKAY???? I’m soft, the truth’s OUT, FUCK! I want to be taken care of like a sad but pampered cat.

(Please read Birthday Snoot I still cry over it)

Also I’m gross and struggle to shower often enough because it’s exhausting so bein given a gentle bath? oh MAN. Hands softly running through my stupid, terrible hair...asking me about my day and if anything happened that triggered me feeling this bad...just....the tenderness....the gentle affection.....being loved even when I’m at my lowest. Being cared for when I can’t do it myself. That’s a legit fantasy y’all. We out here!

I love to SNOOZE. I love being COZY. You bet your sweet bippy I’m gonna sprawl over a couch and take up the whole thing. Shinsou’d better be willing to snuggle the fuck up. I’ve got great squish which I personally feel like’s great for cuddling: I’m like warm taffy. How better to gently seep into every crevasse of your Favorite Person while enjoying a cozy cuddle?

Listen, everyone fucks hard with Shinsou calling his S/O ‘kitten’, and I agree (def have written leetle -- HOO -- leetle scenarios with that nickname because wow) but I get all wibbly with the idea of He calling me ‘Angel’. A joke at first because, like, guys, I’m really nice. (I know it sounds bad when people say they’re nice and LSDFLKJDF I AM, OKAY. I’ve worked on it. Cultivated the skill of kindness! Being kind isn’t easy, and sometimes you just wanna go apeshit, but I’ve worked hard to improve upon myself! Yeet!) But I also just really fucking love being annoying. I simply cannot resist the urge to sneak up behind someone and poke them in the ribs. I rib-poke while in the deep depths of making out too, I’ve tanked the mood a lot so picture my dumb ass Pink Panther’ing behind Shinsou, prepared to be Evil while he’s, idk, making breakfast or something, and before I can commit a Rib Crime he uses his hero training and fast reflexes and honed senses and all that good stuff to snatch my wrist and ask “what’re you up to, angel?” the answer is nothing, because he’s killed me by being sexy and fast and hero-y, and he’s probably actually killed me by startling me into collapsing like a fainting goat

He gets the deep stuff. Unfortunately for everyone and especially myself, I’m a Thinker with a capital T: it never fucking stops. I had an existential crisis for like three years in a row because of course, but I feel like he knows what it’s like to get lost in your head. Working each other out of panic attacks because holy jesus the universe sure is fucking huge huh? We’re not even a blip on the radar in the history of existence and we’re gonna be dead basically tomorrow aaaand that’s why we’d be good for each other, because I feel like we both have coping mechanisms that keep us from spiraling too bad, and we could share them with each other.

I also so fucking admire his drive, but it makes me angry that stupid fucking hero society would discriminate in the first place.

Oh, yeah, that’s another good point: I’m hella mad about 98% of the time and I work hard to hide it! Because innocent people don’t deserve to get yelled at! I feel like Shinsou’s smart enough to sense when I’m about to pop and he can be like “heyyyyy...you wanna talk this out constructively instead of getting into a public brawl?” and I’ll be like “NO but I’ll do it for you because I love you” and then we get pizza.

Because I’m fine and balanced and stuff, I made a quirk for myself if I was in the BNHA-verse, and basically I can get stronger at the expense of higher thinking skills and will turn into a weapon of mass destruction against whatever I’m pointing at (ugh, that’s so sexy. Fuck I wanna be a big spooky buff as shit monster thing), friend or foe, so Shinsou and I would work well in tandem because if I got too rowdy he could use his quirk and get me to calm down! Keep me from accidentally doing a murder! Nice!

Okay this is nsfw so if you’re under 18 DON’T READ IT. I’LL CALL YOUR PARENTS. GET OFF MY BLOG.

Relating to the point above, QUIRKPLAY. Mind control me into stuff I want to do but am too awkward to ask for, please and THANK you. Also, Shinsou’s a top. Gotta be, and thank god for it because I’m certainly not. I’m not happy about being a fucking bottom, because my first and most powerful personalty trait is ‘be as annoying as possible to the people you like; don’t let them tell you what to do.’ Can’t make it easy on myself, nope. Anyway, I want the appearance of being a top without the responsibility because damn, gotta be like, suave and shit. Gotta plan stuff. I don’t like that! I do that enough in real life and I don’t like it there, either! But whatever. I’m a brat and I feel betrayed by my coochie for it. But Shinsou’s a top and he’d tease me for being Fucking Terrible, and suddenly I wouldn’t be so mad at my coochie. She has her reasons.

I...like Shinsou for a lot of reasons, but a really big one, for sure, is that I feel like he can communicate about the important stuff. He likes to tease, but he knows when to be serious too. I’m really wack about being close and intimate with people and I have, hhh, special requirements to be able to sleep with them, and I feel like he’d both be able to respect AND honor that. Like, run through the rest of the BNHA boys with me here: would Bakugou be able to be completely cool, calm, and collected while still teasing, but knowing where to draw the line? Todoroki’s closer maybe, but he’s not as people-smart (which is also a big thing for me). Confidence (or at least the appearance of it when it’s important), respect, communication, listening and respecting what I ask for even if it seems wack -- Shinsou has that, and god is it attractive.

Also, mind control.

Also, his capture weapon.

Also you know this motherfucker is kinky as shit. Thank the good lord.

Also, sexy-slow makeouts with his long, nimble hands running up my outer thighs to squeeze my waist -- teeth on neck, stolen gasps of breath --

\\\\\\

I feel bad because all of this, fuckin, WALL of text is pretty much ‘this is what purble boy can do for me’ and I don’t say a lot I’d do for him, but if I got someone like him I’d go to the end of the earth for them. I may be a perpetually-sleepy bitch, but one of my best -- and worst -- character traits is my unwavering loyalty. I’ll be 110% down to kick anyone’s ass who insults him: he can fight his own battles, but he shouldn’t have to over some dumbass with a big mouth and a little brain. Making him smile and laugh, oof, be still my beating heart. Words of encouragement when life gets too much. Genuine thanks for his help, whatever it may be. Hugs, because we’re both touch-starved as fuck and he deserves gentleness, dammit. He doesn’t seem like his love language is receiving gifts -- more like quality time and words of affirmation? Maybe physical touch? -- but I’d still get him little things that made me think of him, that could help him in his day to day life or maybe just bring a smile to his face. We could rescue each other at social conventions, have dates to the humane society and play with cats. Support each other through our depression days, prove that even having a brain that’s mean to you sometimes doesn’t make you unlovable. Man, idk. The whole thing’s soft and makes my heart go doki-doki. Hitoshi Shinsou is an extremely good person and god damn I’d want to show him I appreciated him and existing at the same time as him. He deserves love and kindness. He deserves someone to kiss every knuckle of his hand. He deserves hugs in the kitchen and blankets being pulled over his shoulders when he falls asleep at the desk. He deserves only good things, and I’d be honored to give them to him.

HHHHH.

Okay! If you made it to the end of this, congratulations! You don’t actually get anything, but boy oh boy you have a lot of information about ME now! Aren’t you delighted? Heh. So! You tag people for this stuff, and I’m gonna tag @lord-explosion-baku, @bnhascribbles, @perpetual-bed-head, @russianonion, @weebsinstash, and last but certainly not least, @usernamekate94. Tell me about Monoma, Kate. Tell me.

#god this is a mess. anyway #I just! he's a good boy brent!!!! ;_;#self ship meme #author x character #I would feel embarrassed if I possessed the ability to feel embarrassed #I'm weak for one (1) man: so WHAT if he's fictional #I can daydream about giving him the hugs he deserves!!! AND I WILL

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