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#if anyone is good at baking and has any tips about this please let me know… :)
sassydiamondgrl · 3 months
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Giving yourself peace🎀
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Living at peace is one of the most enjoyable lifestyles ! When you give yourself the time to be alone and really self reflect, you find yourself being more productive, a better mood, and just relaxation. Don’t know where to start? Let me guide you!
Black Barbie’s tips for living at peace🎀
1. Block anyone that you don’t like/ have issues with or unfollow any account that brings you the wrong energy/mindset.
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Once you stop associating with someone, why would you want to keep their number? Or even their social media. That should be an immediate no. For all you know, they could be stalking your page just to find something to use against you! Blocked & deleted. Also unfollow any toxic accounts on platforms. (Instagram, Tiktok, X) etc. Once you start finding peace, you wanna watch videos or listen to advice that is actually useful and will help you in the long run. Follow motivation accounts, iconic quotes, even pinterest can bring you peace just with their visualization.
2. Avoid arguing and drama!
Some may feel the need to argue or step up as soon as someone says something about them & charge. Yes we all might have that feeling (I get it too sometimes) but once you become cool, calm, & collected, (the 3 C’s!) you are unstoppable! Without a reaction people will tell that you don’t care about what they have to say about you because you already know your worth as a pretty girl. So ignoring can go a good way. However, if you find it hard to ignore, just tell that someone (or group of people) that you don’t care & don’t say anything more. If you do need to control your anger when stuff like this happens, listening to meditation videos & music really helps. Most importantly, STAY OUTTA DRAMA. Once you develop this habit, you don’t have to worry about who to defend or even getting yourself involved in a situation that has nothing to do with you, you can get yourself in trouble. If someone is constantly bringing you into drama, consider distancing yourself from them.
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3. Drop any fake friends
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This kind of refers to step 1. but please drop fake friends! These people just come into your life to make you miserable and look down on yourself. I have had my fair share of fake friends and it’s not pretty. It can even be guy friends, not just jealous envious girls. Sometimes it could be hard to identify who is a fake friend in your life but if you connect the dots, you may have one. Here are signs to watch out for:
• Talks bad about you “jokingly”
• Doesn’t compliment your success/your pics
• Takes it to heart when you have something that they don’t
• Never defends your name
• Doesn’t invite you anywhere
• Uses you (for $$, talking to a guy, schoolwork) etc.
• Always comes to you asking for advice (you end up feeling used)
Of course there could be more signs but just please watch out for them & if they are fake drop them immediately. Once you do, you won’t regret it. Instead surround yourself with more positive friends.
4. Spending time off your phone
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(ofc don’t throw out your phone like serena, lol you’re gonna need it sooner or later)
When you spend less time on your phone you won’t believe the things you could get done.
• Studying
• Everything showers
• Cleaning
• Reading
• Baking/ cooking
• Putting outfits together
• Spending time with family & friends
• Working out
5. Writing in a diary/journal
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At the end of the day, I just love to write down what i’m feeling and my plans for the next days ahead in my comfy pjs and pink pen (or my notes app) it relaxes me & also helps when i have nobody to talk to about how im feeling because im naturally shy (trying to break this habit lol). But when i do this i always feel 10x better & sometimes i listen to good music too.
But I hope you guys loved reading this helpful advice on how to live at peace!
xoxo, Black Barbie💋
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stevetonyweekly · 2 years
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SteveTony Weekly - September 25th
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 Hey fam got a request for y’all this week--I spent several hours searching for a Stevetony Great British Bake Off fic the other night and I haven’t found it. I know it exists because I read it--if you happen to know what I’m talking about, would you drop a link? 
Ok, here’s what I’ve read recently. 
***Marks my recent favorites 
~*~ 
***The Foodieverse by copperbadge, scifigrl47 
It's an AU where everyone works in the food industry. That makes total sense and is definitely not wildly irrational on any axis.
Care and Comfort by MusicalLuna
Tony offers to preen Steve's wings.
It's been a long time since anyone did something so intimate for Steve.
As You Wish by Heartithateyou
Its the weekly game night for the Avengers, so what happens when a game of charades turns into Steve and Tony having to act out love scenes?
Getting Your Betty Crocker On by thehoyden
He knows it’s not wartime anymore, but he can’t quite suppress the twinge of guilt he feels at measuring out two entire cups of white sugar.
Second Hand Mate by Morethancupcake 
"The bandages had been his idea. The long sleeves too. Tony traces it with the tip of his fingers, before securing the tape, keeping the words away, safe, buried with the first man who ever showed him love and support.
'Second hand mate.' "
The first words his mate will use to talk about him.
Tony waits for it to happen.
Dazed and Confused by tsukinofaerii 
Captain America has a great many duties that need careful attention. He has to... uh... That thing where... Wow, Tony's pants are awfully tight, aren't they?
call the teen sadness hotline! by arypls
They get in the elevator and come out at the kitchen floor, ready to give their son a light scolding and send him back to bed with a proper, healthy — "Absolutely not. The kid already went through all this trouble, let him eat some junk food and make bad choices for once." — tasty snack.
Yet, both men freeze at the entrance; they expected to find a mess and they did, pans and cooking ingredients scattered on the counter. But they didn't expect the young man to be standing behind it in his pajamas, face down on a bowl of... batter?
"Peter?" says Steve, blinking just as Tony mutters under his breath, What the fuck?
Steve and Tony are awakened to an intruder in the tower but they definitely weren't expecting it to be their teenage son having a mental breakdown over his (unapproved) trouble-making best friend/crush. At least that's what they think it is.
the bruising of unfinished business by theappleppielifestyle
"Close friend," Tony says, and Pepper looks older, so much older than those nine years that Tony’s lost.
"Maybe a little more than that," she says, and then allows: "Maybe a lot."
The room goes quiet, and over the beep of the machines, Tony can hear the muffled sounds of Steve breaking down in the hallway.
Morning Wood by avengersincamphalfbloodstardis
Steve wakes up on Clint's farm, with his arms around Tony, and a problem in his pants.
the privilege of loving you by starklystar
“Why won’t you let me touch you?”
It’s a desperate plea, half-shouted and half-whispered, Steve’s voice cracking at the end. Tony stops in his tracks, halfway to the stairs. He doesn’t dare to turn back, and he really doesn’t want to fight, or to leave, to spend the last month of his life away from his husband and their son. But Steve can’t know, can he?
-x-
Or: Tony has palladium poisoning, but he doesn't tell Steve and Peter
Please do shut up, Miss Stark by sheepybaa
In which your soulmate's first words to you appear somewhere on your body, and, predictably, Tony's big mouth gets her everywhere. And by everywhere, she means Captain America.
A decent good night by endlesstwanted
They have to share a bed, but don't worry, Steve always has a plan.
Officer America by Renai_chan
Saving the world is much rarer than it used to be back in WW2. Bored during Avenger downtime, Steve decides to put himself to better use keeping the streets of New York clean as the newest member of the NYPD.
Tony, meanwhile, is all about his uniform.
Please don’t make the sacrifice play by LenkaVittoriaElisse16
When Tony falls ill inside the suit after a mission and sleeps, Steve fears for the worst.
The Only Way Out by Captain_Panda
is Through.
As Captain America: The First Avenger fades to black, Steve Rogers is Not Okay.
Questioning Reality by Captain_Panda
"Nothing's been the same since New York."
Nightmares. It's the nightmares that are eating away at Tony the most.
A post-Chitauri fic where Steve Rogers fills a much-needed void in Tony Stark's life, and both of them confront their own demons.
Darkest Hours by Captain_Panda 
Sometimes, the hardest thing about being a hero is dealing with the demons you can't take down with one hit.
Ergo: Steve has a nightmare; Tony helps.
Aesthetic Appreciation by theappleppielifestyle
“Nice shirt, Stark.”
It’s Natasha, sounding strangely- smug, maybe?- for reasons Tony doesn’t much care to know.
“I know,” Tony says, not opening his eyes. He tilts his head back, lets out a satisfied sigh and rearranges himself on the chair. The sun climbs another inch of his abs when his shirt rides up with the motion.
Today’s a good day, Tony thinks contentedly, and continues sucking lazily on the popsicle.
(Or, Tony wears a crop top. Steve, among other people, notices.)
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etern4lsun · 3 days
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❝ ―  𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐄  𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒  𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐃  𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆!  asher  choi  welcomes  everyone  for  a  day  of  free  coffee  and  fresh  baked  goods  to  commemorate  a  dream  come  true!  feel  free  to  grab  as  much  as  you'd  like  and  just  have  fun!
.  .  .  bakery  owner  and  youtuber  has  gone  missing.  asher  choi  was  last  seen  a  week  ago  closing  up  his  bakery  before  getting  into  his  car.  if  anyone  has  any  tips  of  his  whereabouts,  please  report  them  to  the  local  authorities.
𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒏4𝒍𝒔𝒖𝒏 ―  independent  fandomless  /  dead  by  daylight  survivor  oc.   subscribed  by  astral!     triggering    material    ahead
☼  .  *  .  –   a  video  essay  in:  looking  at  the  𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘳  side  of  life  ,  constant  misfortune  and  poor  luck  ,  not  letting  fame  get  the  best  of  you  ,  being  the  people  pleaser  (  even  at  the  cost  of  yourself  )  ,  trying  not  to  think  about  the  past  ,  being  the  object  of  someone's  𝗼𝗯𝘀𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻  ,  a  sunlight  that's  always  𝚂  𝙷  𝙸  𝙽  𝙸  𝙽  𝙶. 
¹  doc.    ²   interest   tracker.
𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩:  𝙺𝙾𝙽𝙺𝚄𝚄𝚁𝙸𝚃𝙾.
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                     RULES  BENEATH  THE  CUT
ONE.   THIS  BLOG  IS  18+  AND  THIS  IS  YOUR  WARNING.  Since Asher is an OC based in the universe of Dead By Daylight,  murder,  torture,  mutilation,  blood,  gore,  and  the  like  will  be  present  on  this  blog.  I  will  tag  anything  visually  that  includes  things  like  that,  but  with  writing  it  depends  on  how  graphic  it  is.  Triggers  are  tagged  as __  //.  I  don't  have  any  specific  triggers,  but  if  you  do,  please  let  me  know. Lastly,  on  the  topic  of  smut.  It  won't  be  under  readmore  unless  my  partner  does  it  first.  Also  I  won't  hold  off  my  smut  stuff  for  Sunday  and  will  post  stuff  like  that  on  main.  Whenever  I'm  in  the  mood  for  it,  it'll  happen.
TWO.   Honestly,  I'm  all  kinds  of  shipping  trash.  If  there's  a  chance  you  ship,  I  probably  ship  it  too!  I'm  a  fan  of  all  kind  of  ships  as  well.  Romantic,  platonic,  antagonistic,  and  everything  else  in  between. But  do  keep  in  mind  that  some  ships  can  be  quite  unhealthy. Not because Asher is easily jealous, possessive, or violent, but because of what Asher is willing to put up with. He has a knack for staying around when he should leave. He's very dependent person and is in need of validation.
THREE.   I  am  mutuals  only  and  that's  how  I'll  stick  for  my  own  comfort.  I  follow  whoever  I  want  and  I  wish  for  that  to  be  respected.  Don't  ask  me  why  I  didn't  follow  you  back.  Don't  follow,  unfollow,  follow  again  in  order  for  me  to  follow  you  back.  If  I  didn't  follow  you  back,  that's  that.  Don't  make  me  have  to  block  you,  and  I  hate  having  to  block  people.  Mutuals  are  free  to  send  in  inbox  memes  that  focus  on  interactions  between  muses  and  continue  them  from  that  ask  post!  Non-mutuals  are  free  to  send  in  ooc  questions  and  headcanon  things.  Mutuals  are  also  free  to  ask  for  my  discord  and  talk  to  me  in  the  IMs.  Mutuals  are  also  free  to  reblog  musings  posts  and  graphics  things  I  may  post!
FOUR.   I  make  every  single  graphic  on  this  blog.  The  icon  borders,  the  PSD,  and  everything  else.  Don't  steal  my  stuff,  thanks. I've  recently  been  experimenting  with  formatting.  I've  been  having  fun  bolding,  italicizing,  underlining,  and  using  colored  font.  I  also  double  space  and  haven't  been  using  small  font.  So  if  none  of  that  sounds  interesting  to  you,  I  would  recommend  not  following.
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selfcarecorgi · 1 year
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Hello World!
I hope that all of you are doing well and have had a good Halloween weekend and have been keeping safe. I know that for many people this weekend can be overwhelming with all the parties and costumes and what not. So, I thought that I would share another self-care tip that you guys will be able to use after the craziness of this weekend.
Today, I will be talking about baking!!
Much like with colouring, I would like to hope that everyone has a decent idea on what exactly baking is, but for those of you who may need an explanation, baking is a method of cooking that does not require exposure to things like fire, but instead uses dry heat from things like an oven or a very hot surface. An example of things that you can bake are bread, cakes, cupcakes, cookies, and much more!
Baking is a beneficial activity as it allows for the person to be able to express themselves in a creative way that provides a very yummy outcome. There are many reports out there on how there is an evident connection between creative expression and one's overall wellbeing. When you are doing things that allow you to express yourself in a creative manner, there is also a stress release factor to this as it provides an outlet for anyone participating in it.
In regards to the pillars that I talked about a few posts ago, baking is a difficult one to place under a specific pillar, as it does not necessarily apply to any of them. However, if I did have to place it under a pillar I would place it under the pillars social and environmental. I would say that it could be under the social pillar due to the fact that baking can be a very fun activity to do in a group setting. I also believe that it would fall under the pillar of environmental due to the fact that it causes for you to spend a lot of time in the kitchen. For some people, especially those who are avid bakers, your kitchen can be a safe haven for you.
When it comes to explaining how exactly to bake, it differs depending on what exactly you are baking. In this case, I will explain the general process of how to go about doing it. However, I will attach a link to a simple recipe down below for you guys to try. On that, you will be provided with all the information on how to bake that instead of just my basic instructions. In order to bake something, the first thing you need to do is find a recipe that you want to bake. After you locate one that you want to make, you need to get and set out all the required ingredients in their correct measurements. Once you have everything you need all set out, you can go ahead and start mixing things together and put them in the required bakeware. Once you do this, you will want to go ahead and place whatever you are baking in the oven for the amount of time specified in the recipe, making sure to check on it from time to time until it is finished. Once it is finished and out of the oven, depending on whatever you have made, you may have to follow a few more steps in order to decorate it or add other touches. Once you have finished this, you can go ahead and enjoy eating whatever it is that you have made!
Personally, I am a huge fan of baking, and have been ever since I was young. My Nana spent a large amount of time baking with me growing up, and I have continued to do so now as an adult. When I'm stressed out and have a lot going on, I will take some time to just relax and bake. This gives my brain a break from whatever else may be going on in my life, as I have to focus on what I am baking instead of what may have been bothering me. I really encourage everyone give baking a shot, for not only do you get stress relief, you also get a yummy snack at the end of it!
Alright world, that's all for this post. As I mentioned earlier, I have gone ahead and attached a simple recipe down below for you guys to try out! Hopefully you give it a shot, and if you do please let me know how it turned out for you guys!
Selfcarecorgi signing off!
https://thesaltymarshmallow.com/cinnamon-sugar-donut-muffins/
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silversatoru · 3 years
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play-thing — part one
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gojo satoru x getou suguru x f!reader
t/w: nsfw 18+, dark content, drugging, manipulation, noncon/dubcon, oral (f!receiving), nipple play, this story contains very dark themes so please do not read it you’re sensitive to any of these topics
synopsis: suguru and satoru are missing something in their lives, and who better to manipulate than an lonely, impressionable girl who just moved to tokyo from another city. they’re willing to take extreme measures to transform you into their perfectly submissive little play-thing. 
wc: 1.9k
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suguru and satoru do everything together; live in the same house, work at the same company, even share a closet of the most expensive clothes, but something was missing. they both felt it, the empty space between them, and they were determined to find the perfect piece to fill the gaping hole in their lives.
and you practically fell right into the palm of their hands, in a local grocery store of all places. a pretty little thing with a freshly broken heart who’d just moved here from a neighboring city. no friends, no family nearby, anxious and impressionable and desperately in need of a couple capable men to show her around. it all started with an innocent question: “hey, sorry to bother you guys, but could you tell me where the baking aisle is?”
how you ended up here you still weren't quite sure. 
“let us take you on a tour of the city tonight,” satoru had cooed at you.
“there’s a few really nice bars, we could grab some drinks,” suguru added, both their voices smooth and terrifyingly persuasive.
but they seemed nice enough, and you weren't in any position to be picky with making friends right now — after all, you’d have to get accustomed to the city somehow, right?
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wear something pretty, satoru had winked at you before you parted ways and continued your shopping, and for some reason you were very inclined to do as he said. they were both intimidatingly attractive and you weren’t exactly sure what their dynamic was yet, but you decided that if you ended up in bed with one of them tonight, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.
you’d chosen a short and silky black dress, something elegant but classic that would absolutely catch the eyes of both men. and it did, satoru’s eyes glazing over your body several times before he even bothered to say hello to you. suguru was less obvious, his dark eyes giving you a quick once-over before giving you a warm smile and wrapping his arm around your shoulders as the three of you entered the first bar.
it was small, dimly lit with a few lanterns and packed tight with people. a little too crowded for your level of comfort, so you stuck closely to the sides of suguru and satoru as they led you deeper into the pub. the dark-haired male gestured towards an empty seat at the end of the countertop, the two of them standing on either side of you after you slid into it. satoru spoke with an impressive level of charisma, ordering three of the same drink from the bartender — who he seemed to know quite well.
taking a few sips of the liquor did wonders for you initial anxiety, and the casual conversation with both men was helping you to settle in as well. 
so, where are you from? 
what made you want to move to tokyo?
what do you do for a living? 
you were painfully oblivious to how the conversation stayed entirely centered around you; you still hadn’t learned anything about the two men, but they were learning everything about you. 
an hour or so in, a warm dizziness began to swirl around the inside of your head, slowly exacerbating until you felt like you were about to tumble out of your seat. you’d only had a couple drinks, and you normally handled your alcohol fairly well, so why did you feel absolutely sloshed right now? 
“guys, i think maybe-” you turned towards your two tour guides and crashed forward into suguru’s chest without warning. 
“think you went a little heavy, toru?” he scooped his hands under your plump ass and lifted your unconscious body into his muscularly arms. 
“not my fault she has no tolerance,” satoru shrugged, throwing some cash on the counter, “might be easier with her like this anyway”. 
“i suppose,” suguru clicked his tongue off the roof of his mouth, “stupid girl, didn’t your parents teach you not to trust strangers so easily?”
the two of them casually made their way out of the bar together, making jokes about how poorly you handle your liquor to anyone who gave them a questionable look — but the bar was so loud and jam-packed with people that they made it out without any incident.
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you were slow to come out of your sleepy haze, head nodding up and down as you struggled to maintain consciousness and take in the scenery around you. in a futile attempt to brush some hair out of your face you realized your hands were tightly secured behind your back. panic immediately flooded your system, chest tightening and hot tears brimming at the edges of your eyes. 
“just a precaution, angel,” suguru came walking into your hazy vision, a warm smile on his face as he tucked the loose strands of hair behind your ears, “how are you feeling?” 
“wha-, whaaat happen- ed?” your words were garbled, your brain barely able to form them. 
“don’t worry about it,” satoru appeared next to suguru, “you just drank a little too much, but we’ll take good care of you, won’t we suguru?” 
“of course, no need for you to worry about anything anymore,” he gave an affirmative nod. 
“i don’t think-” you wracked your brain for any recollection of what had happened tonight, but you found nothing, “i don’t th- think i — understand”. 
“you will soon,” satoru flashed a bright smile, but it wasn’t nearly as inviting as the first time you saw it. this time it was eerie, evil, threatening — what exactly was he talking about? 
your brain was quickly turning to absolute mush, your vision getting darker and foggier than it already was as you tried to hang on to the sound of their voices.
just relax
we’re gonna make you feel good, you wanna feel good, princess?
you want us to make you feel better?
“mhm,” you gave them a slow nod. you did want them to make you feel better! you felt groggy and confused and nauseas! so of course you said yes! that is what they were asking? right?
you felt the bed shift around you, several hands tracing over your skin and gently pushing you onto your back. you tried to question them, tried to form the words, but your brain was unable to produce a single word or movement at this point.
a hot tongue connected with the side of your neck, lips latched onto the skin and sucking gently on the sensitive area. another mouth was on your inner thigh, sucking a little harder and undoubtedly leaving a small marking. you subconsciously let out a squeaky, shaky breath, the warmth of their tongues eliciting a response in your doped-up body.
goosebumps raked through your body when you felt a pair of slender fingers slip under your dress and brush over the thin material of your panties. it was satoru, his middle and index fingers prodding at your clothed cunt and sending jolts through your legs. meanwhile suguru continued to cover your neck in sloppy kisses, one of his large hands groping at your covered breasts.
your brain had gone numb, from the drugs, the confusion, the terribly intoxicating pleasure. you hated how clueless you were, how useless your body was right now, but what you hated most of all was that you weren’t even trying to fight back. their touch felt good — too good for you to ask them to stop.
it wasn’t long before satoru’s fingers were replaced with his mouth, his tongue running up and down the fold in your panties and absolutely soaking the material with his saliva. he groaned from the taste, getting just as much pleasure from this as you were. he was quick to push the fabric to the side, sliding his tongue against your sticky folds with hunger and urgency. he lapped at your cunt, flicking your clit with the tip of his tongue and evoking a series of twitches from your lazy body.
“be gentle with her” suguru’s voice sounded far off in the distance as he mumbled into your chest.
satoru heeded to the other man’s instructions, slowing his pace and going more gentle on your sensitive, puffy clit. suguru found your hardened nipples through your thin dress, rolling them in his fingers and enhancing the already blissful feeling you were getting from satoru’s tongue.
the two of them working together was incomprehensibly euphoric, your stomach coiling into tight knots with each swipe of his tongue. without warning he dove even deeper, his tongue shooting into your cunt while his nose rubbed against your throbbing bundle of nerves. between that and suguru giving your nipples a sudden tug, your body was crashing with waves of pleasure — strangled moans and pitiful whimpers the only sounds that your mouth could produce.
it was a near-holy experience, the feeling of the sedatives pumping through your veins as satoru tongued your pussy and suguru massaged your breasts through your heightened orgasm. you felt like you were floating, the room was spinning, and then everything went dark.
a real shame that you wouldn’t be able to remember any of it by the time you woke up.
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bright sunlight pierced through your eyelids the following morning, forcing you awake and causing you to jolt up. you were laying in a large bed that was situated at the back of a rather large room, fitted silk sheets cool under your skin. confused of what happened and where you were, you stood from the bed and made your way to the door, feet patting on the soft carpeted floor. 
when you opened the door you entered a long hallway that led to a wide stairway covered in the same fluffy carpeting. two voices were laughing and talking beneath you, and curiosity fueled your motivation to walk down the stairs and into an open-concept kitchen and living room. 
satoru and suguru, the two men from yesterday were busy at the stove, pancakes and bacon sizzling away on two cast-iron pans. they wore matching aprons, suguru’s reading chef daddy, and satoru’s reading mr. good-lookin’ is cookin’. 
who the fuck were these guys?
“feeling better?” suguru was the first to notice you loitering at the edge of the room. 
“yeah, how are you? didn’t picture you to be such a heavy drinker,” satoru laughed, flipping a pancake with grace. 
you didn’t remember much, nothing past sitting down at the bar with them. you weren’t much for getting wasted but you were plagued with more stress than usual lately — maybe you really let yourself go last night. 
“ah, sorry about that, I don’t even remember what i did, honestly,” you shrugged, “thanks for looking out for me though, where’s my stuff?”
“in a hurry to leave? stay for breakfast,” suguru brushed off your question with a captivating smile, his eyes squinting together in the most adorable way. 
“we insist,” satoru chimed in, humming as he continued to focus on the sweet-smelling food. 
and so you stayed, which was probably the worst mistake that you’d made in the past twenty-four hours of countless terrible mistakes. 
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part one | part two
a/n: im on a yandere/dark content kick today i cant help it. anyway if u wanna be tagged when i post part two lemme know :) and if u want some yandere megumi go read @katslutski​ ‘s tell me 
(ily kat <33 so happy to have someone to get into very specific obsessions with)
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oliviajdjarin · 3 years
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Leo Valdez: Need
Summary: With a quest starting to go wrong and the cold becoming unbearable, some drastic measures need to be taken...
Pairing: Leo Valdez x fem!reader
A/N: another one with my fav Leo! Thanks for the support on the last one! Please enjoy!
Warning: cold, shivering, yearning, major fluff
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This whole quest has turned into a disaster. Leo had known from the start that it wasn’t going to go smoothly.
From it being the middle of January, the faulty information given at camp, the concern and caution Chiron had given him, all the way to his rapidly growing feelings for you.
All in all, it was a whole bunch of horrible.
At the moment, Leo, Festus, and you are all trying to keep warm around a fire in the middle of a random snowy forest. Festus had started freezing up while flying due to the chill in the air, and you and Leo had decided it was a good idea to stop and rest for the night.
It would have been, if the tent had actually worked.
The good news is there was no actual snow on the ground, just a frost coating everything in sight. That doesn’t me the freezing ground is a much better bed though.
The fire is helping Festus “defrost” if you will, but it’s gonna take a while.
So, you and Leo cooked up as much dinner as you could find, and you immediately passed out afterwards.
Leo could see in your body movements how tired you were. This quest had a lot to it, and it was talking a lot out of the both of you. Especially you.
You had been given this quest, the first one you had ever had, and had the option to take someone with you.
Leo would be lying if his heart didn’t flutter when you chose him without hesitation. He also went back to Cabin 9 and shouted for joy while happy dancing with Festus, but he would never admit that part.
Currently, however, you were wrapped up in his extra beanie, a winter coat, winter pants, gloves, extra thick socks, in the warmest sleeping bag Leo could find, and yet you were still shivering.
You insisted that Leo take the warm sleeping bag, but he assured you he was fine with the lighter one. He was just naturally warmer than most people, so it didn’t bother him at all.
The fact that you cared so much warmed him up enough anyway.
He is in his own sleeping bag now, staring at your sleeping form turned towards him. He is trying to sleep, but he can’t.
This is a normal occurrence for him, lack of sleep. Nightmares of his past, his mom, his failures. They tend to keep one up at night. But it’s not even that.
It’s you.
The fact that you are shivering next to him and he is doing nothing. The fact that you care about him, listen to him, and seem to understand him better than anyone has in a long time. You make each other laugh, hard enough to be clutching your stomachs afterward. He loves it.
He loves you.
He finally put all the pieces together about his feelings while watching you attempt to get some rest. Your face was still the most beautiful one he had ever seen, even with the tight and cold expression you held. Your laugh still continued, even in this horrible situation, to make him feel better. At home even.
If you weren’t on this mission, there was a good chance he would have given up already. But you give him motivation to keep going.
He almost wants to cry at his revelation. He hadn’t felt this happy with someone in so long. And this one feels genuine.
He doesn’t get nervous around you. He definitely gets excited butterflies every now and then, but he feels a sense of comfort around you. Like he can be his true, wacky, goofy self and not be judged.
Why did he not realize this before? He needs you.
Why does that fact make him happier than he has ever been…. but also hold some of the most terror he has ever felt?
An intense body chill raked down your body, interrupting his thoughts, and he had finally had enough.
He needs you. That is just the truth. But right now, you need him.
He slides out of his sleeping bag as quietly as possible, drags it over to your side, and slides back into it.
Okay, he thinks, how am I gonna do this?
Obviously, if this was under any other circumstance, he would ask your permission. And if he accidentally woke you or something and you asked him to get off he would of course oblige.
But you just look so cold. This girl, who he just realized he is in LOVE with, is shivering next to him. He has to try.
You are curled into a ball on your side facing toward him, obviously trying to use as much of your own body heat as you can to stay warm.
He doesn’t want to press too hard against your face, so he scoots up a bit so your face is level with his chest.
He takes a few seconds to just admire you, how you still somehow smell so good and radiate such beauty, before he slowly wraps his right arm over your waist and presses his palm against your back.
His other arm glides gently around the back of your head, slowly guiding your face to his chest. He places his chin very lightly on top of your head, feeling the yarn from your hat tickle him slightly.
He is trying to calm his heavy breathing and beating heart, but you are so close it feels as if he’s holding a precious jewel. He has waited for this feeling for so long, and yet he didn’t even know it.
He can’t screw this up now.
So far, you haven’t moved at all. Your body seems to be warming up a little bit since feeling Leo’s body heat, but your face is still freezing and your chills are still there.
All of a sudden, your stir, and Leo is surprised he didn’t actually jump out of his skin. He feels you nuzzle your face against his coat covered chest, trying to get as close to his heat as possible. You then scoot your body close enough so you can completely mold into him, pressing yourself as close to him as you can.
Your left arm wraps around his back, your left leg wraps around his legs, and you hum slightly. Finally feeling relief.
The whole time this was happening, Leo was unmoving and his eyes were wide open. He had his arms hovering above you to let you break away if you wanted to, but after a few seconds of silence, he realizes you never even woke up. Your body just naturally molded to his, as if he completed your puzzle.
He wants to cry again. He wants to wrap his arms around you and never let go. He wants to kiss your frost tipped nose and your slightly blue lips and confess all his feelings for you.
He knows, however, that the both of you need sleep. You still have a long journey ahead of you.
So, he wraps his arms around you once more, breathing in your scent. He lets himself bake in this moment, closing his eyes so your touch against him can be as magnified as possible.
He lightly kisses the top of your head and then presses his cheek against it.
For now, at least, this is all he needs.
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divine-mistake · 3 years
Text
it's messy inside, let me take your coat
Summary: “I can make you a drink,” you offer, leaning against the doorframe to your bedroom with your arms crossed over your chest, staring at him, “or I can come over there and you can kiss me drunk instead, ‘cause I’m already halfway there.”
Characters: Bucky Barnes/Plus-sized (f)Reader
Warnings: 18+ (mentions of smut, female nudity), strong language, alcohol consumption, copious amounts of fluff, soft and nervous Bucky Barnes, original female character friends, one-night stand, body insecurity, anxiety
Word Count: 8723
A/N: This story was written for @eurynome827 and her 2k follower challenge with the prompt "Mimosas and Bloody Marys at brunch." Thank you for hosting and congrats again on your milestone!
main masterlist | AO3
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“Cheers!”
The flutes clink together, orange juice sloshing and spilling and dripping down the glasses and onto the table as your giggles fade into the background noise of the café’s patio. You tip your head back as you drink, mimosas bubbly in your throat like your own happiness, threatening to pour out of you and dribble onto your shirt, already tipsy.
“God,” Carissa says, throwing herself back into the metal chair, “I cannot wait to have his babies.”
Beside her, Kora claps. “I can’t wait to be an aunt! I’m going to spoil them all so rotten you’re going to want to throttle me by the end of it.”
“Spoil them all you want, I’m having eight of ‘em.”
At that, you go ahead and polish off your drink, carbonation stinging your throat, and while you set the empty glass down your hand goes up in the air, signaling the waiter for another.
Sara points at you. “I’m with her.” She makes a face at Carissa. “If you have eight kids I will make like your dad and bounce.”
Kora slaps her on the knee but the four of you descend into laughter anyway, and it’s easy and light and beautiful, like always. Washington D.C. can be pretty in this way—iron-wrought fencing and fancy metal tables and red patio tiling. Good food, better mimosas, best friends. There’s a breeze in the air that’s calling for autumn, scattering cloth napkins sitting in laps and spreading the scent of fresh baked bread.
The bags at your feet carrying your new shoes for the winter wedding that’s approaching rustle. That feeling isn’t just D.C. It’s excitement and love and adoration, too.
Carissa, bride to be, catches you in her gaze. “When are you going to finally settle down, huh?” She gestures across the table at you with her half-filled mimosa. Everyone else looks at you too, waiting for your response.
You shrug. “You’re having plenty of babies, I don’t need any.”
“I don’t mean babies,” she says. “I mean a human, a connection, something that isn’t an empty apartment.”
“You need—no, you deserve—someone to take care of you!” Kora adds. “You’re always taking care of everyone. Don’t you want someone to, y’know, take care of you?”
“I have plenty of vibrators in my empty apartment.”
Sara snorts, covering her mouth. The waiter delivers another round, thank god.
“What do you want me to say?” you ask, sighing. “You’re just bothering me ‘cause it’s wedding season and you want to set me up with your weird—”
“He’s not weird,” Carissa interrupts. “He’s tall and he’s mysterious which is exactly your type.”
“She’ll find someone when the time is right,” Sara says. “Just ‘cause we’re happy with our boyfriends doesn’t mean she needs one to be happy.”
“Thank you, Sara, my one-true-best-friend-in-the-whole-wide-world.” You force your glass against hers in a loud clank, turning the heads of all the patrons on the café’s patio before taking a gulp. Your face is already getting a little hot, the alcohol hitting you. This is why you aren’t allowed to pregame before you go to brunch anymore.
“We’re not trying to force you,” Kora starts, but her mouth is pulled into a concerned frown. “We really do just want you to be as happy as we are, that’s all.”
You smile at her. “I know.”
And you do know. You understand. It’s been years now since you’ve had anything real—anything worthwhile, to be specific. At some point, the relationships slowed down. Boyfriends became friends with benefits when you were working on your masters. Friends with benefits became ignored booty calls at two in the morning when you started your dissertation, on the road to get your doctorate. Now, you’re lucky to go home with someone from the bar, and they never, ever, come home with you.
It’s okay. You aren’t lonely. The right person just hasn’t landed in your lap, and maybe that’s kind of because it’s not open, but it’s just ‘cause you’re busy. You’re busy. Passionate. Need to change the world.
Love can wait.
The next mimosa is finished and you’re feeling a little fuzzy.
“I’m happy for you,” you tell Carissa. “I’m happy for all of you, and I’m happy with my life, and I’m happy that we’re all together and we’re celebrating and I’m happy that you all care about me enough to worry but I’m perfectly fine with how things are.”
Carissa smiles, but it’s got too much teeth. “I could set you up with Kie—”
“No, no setting me up with Kieran or Harry or Josh or anyone. But especially not Kieran.”
You’d already fucked him once and it wasn’t worth the experience.
“Fine! Fine.” Carissa busies herself with her drink. “No setting you up with Kieran.”
“Good. Now let’s talk about the reception!” You pull out your phone and open the planning spreadsheet, smiling. “So I called the venue for you about the tables…”
This is easier. Planning Carissa’s wedding, helping support her, being excited for her—that’s easier than talking about your love life. If anything, this is your love life. Taking care of the people you love, your best friends, having fun and being together and romanticizing the time you spend with them. It’s not just mimosas over brunch and a green spreadsheet for wedding planning. With them, it’s the wind in your hair and the sun making your eyes sparkle and the alcohol making all your insides feel effervescent.
It’s love. It’s perfection. It’s your own brand of happiness.
And sure, maybe it’s a little defensive, but this is easier than loving someone and trying to make them love you. It’s easier.
“Whose dress are we still waiting on?” Carissa asks a little later, mouth full of avocado and bacon and looking very un-bridely.
“Mine,” Kora says, a little guiltily. “It’s at the tailor getting taken in—again.”
“I have mine,” you pipe up, wiping your mouth of jam. “And god, do I look like a full course Michelin star meal in that piece. Like, we’re talking ass for days, legs for days, tits for—”
“Excuse me, ma’am, excuse me.” A man, towering over the café table makes himself known, dressed in dark clothes and wearing a look on his visage that you can’t name.
“—days,” you finish, swallowing hard.
“Excuse me, I don’t mean to interrupt,” he says with a smile, “but I’m raising money for uh, breast cancer awareness, and I was hoping you would donate and sign up for uh, a marathon we’re doing.”
You blink. “Sorry,” you tell him, “but we don’t carry cash on us.” With a small smile, you nod at him, your eyes passing over your friends and looking around the café to see if any of the other patrons have noticed what’s going on. None of them look bothered.
“Not even for breast cancer awareness? C’mon, girl.”
“We don’t carry cash,” Sara repeats with a deadpan, but her eyes don’t meet his.
He doesn’t look at her either, content to stare at you, and your skin crawls.
“What about signing up for the marathon?”
“Fine,��� you snap. Anything to get him to leave you all alone. “How do I sign up?”
“You give me your phone number and I’ll text you the details.” His grin is a little wider now, edging a little closer to where you sit at the table. You’re regretting that third mimosa. You aren’t on your game. The panic running through you is covered in a champagne haze.
You scoff. “No way.” Immediately you grab your purse, digging through it, and you slam a handful of loose change onto the table in front of him. “Here—a donation. Now please leave.”
His face twists into a scowl, but he scoops the money off the table and pockets it.
“You don’t have to be such a bitch,” he suddenly says, and anger courses through you until you shoot up from your seat, chair skidding behind you. He’s tall—much taller than your short stature. But, fuck it, the alcohol’s dimming the fear and fueling the need for you to protect your friends.
When you glance over, Carissa is already gathering the bags, eyes wide. Kora has her arms wrapped around her middle, trying to make herself smaller, ready to run. Sara’s phone is in her hand, 9-1-1 already dialed.
And still, no one in the café is doing a goddamn thing.
“Excuse me?” You glare up at the man.
“I just wanted your number, you fat bitch.” He sneers. “No wonder you’ve got an attitude, you obviously don’t get laid.”
Really, you can sit there and say it isn’t the fat comment. It’s not the insult. You’re used to that, with your overly-generous curves and your soft jawline and the fact that you’re wearing a skirt showing off the cellulite running through your thighs like a creek and a crop top that lets everyone peek at your stretch marks. You’re used to it.
And, really, you could handle this better. You certainly have before ‘cause this isn’t the first time you’ve been hustled or the first time some creep has hit on you. Old men have been slapping your ass in public since you were sixteen. You’re hot, you get it. If you saw yourself on the street you’d want a piece of your own goddamn ass, too. It comes with the territory, but it’s gross. And it’s sad but you’re used to it. So it’s not him calling you a fat bitch.
It’s the comment about getting laid. It’s sore as fuck.
You grab your would-be fourth mimosa and drench him in it, the glass slipping from your fingers and shattering upon the patio’s tiled floor in an instant.
“Slut!” The man lunges for you and you jump away, bumping into the table and losing your footing. You fall to the ground as glass comes crashing down around you, spilling sweet-smelling alcohol all over you. Ouch. Your friends scream, but you can’t take your eyes off him.
And then a gleam of black and gold blurs past you and grabs the creep by his neck, throwing him down. Now, a tall, wide body dressed in a dark hoodie is blocking you, guarding you, sheltering you.
“Try it,” Mystery Savior says.
“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,” Carissa chants, calling your name.
Your hand is sticky when you wave her away. “Get out of here, I’m fine. Just go. I’ll meet you—meet you at Kora’s.”
“We’re not leaving you!” Sara shouts, but something, maybe adrenaline or fear or fucking champagne, is running through your blood vessels at high speed.
“Just go!” you scream back at her. “I’m not fucking kidding, go!”
Because if there is one redeemable thing about you, it’s the length you’ll go to keep the people you love safe. And Mystery Savior might have just choked a creep out for you, but he also choked a creep out for you, and that’s enough to get your heart pounding in your ears. You don’t know who the good guy is—if there even is a good guy here.
“Fuck,” the creep curses, but it comes out raspy as he grasps at his quickly bruising neck. “You’re a—” he wheezes, “—you’re a murderer!”
Mystery Savior holds up his hands, and that’s when you see it. The black and gold of a vibranium arm just peeking out of the sleeve of his hoodie.
This isn’t a murderer. Not a Mystery Savior either. This is James Bucky Barnes, the Avenger, holy shit. Definitely good guy. Probably. He’s reformed, the news talks about it.
“Caught me,” he says, voice monotone. “What are you gonna do about it?”
If you weren’t currently sprawled on the ground, covered in mimosa, and panicking wildly about whatever is unfolding right in front of you, the very buzzed part of your brain would really appreciate the smoothness of Bucky’s voice when he said that, the cool, calm, collected delivery.
You’ll file it in the back of your mind for when you go back to your empty apartment.
“That fat ass ain’t worth it,” the creep chokes out, scrambling to get up. As soon as he’s on his feet, poised to take off, Bucky moves faster than you could have imagined and grabs the guy by his shirt.
“I don’t think so, buddy.” You can’t see his face, but you think Bucky might be smiling.
A portly man, a little shorter than Bucky, pushes through the gathering crowd, eyes wide and panicked, face red, already sweating. When you glance at his golden nametag, it reads: Jason, Manager. Cool that the manager showed up this late. If Bucky hadn’t stepped in, you’d probably be in a pile of limbs on the ground by now. Also—is he going to comp your bill? ‘Cause at this point, you’re starting to think you deserve it.
Okay, not a good time to be distracted.
“Thank you for getting him, sir,” the manager says, a little breathless. “Winter Soldier, sir.”
“It’s Bucky,” he says, and then he shoves the creep toward the manager. “Not sure why you didn’t step in before he got violent.”
Exactly! Why did everyone just stand around and do nothing as some six-foot man hustled the four women sitting beside the street? You glance around again, seeing your friends have disappeared and now, both the wait staff and other café patrons, are crowded around your table. It’s a little unsettling how no one cared to even look at you until everything escalated.
As the manager grabs the creep and hauls him off toward the street to wait for the cops, Bucky Barnes relaxes his shoulders and turns toward you slowly, and it’s—well, for lack of a better word—it’s beautiful. He’s beautiful.
He looks nothing like the superhero in the pictures. Here, with the D.C. sun hitting him unabashedly, his slate eyes like glass marbles, the lines surrounding them wrinkled in concern, his tongue darting between his lips to wet the skin where his teeth bite down, a habitual sore, his short locks ruffled by the breeze or maybe the fight or maybe he just wakes up perfectly rumpled, here he looks like a man.
“You okay?” he asks, somehow nonchalant and still worried, and he holds out a calloused hand to you.
Or, well, maybe Bucky had been watching. And maybe that’s enough.
God, you don’t even know this man outside of his Avenger persona, the headlines you read on the news, the pictures you see on social media, but there’s just something about him that makes you want to trust him. Like he guarantees safety, and you know that no one, least of all an Avenger, can guarantee safety. Even if that’s their job.
Stop feeling safe around him.
But you take his hand anyway, his long, thick fingers folding over your own like he means to swallow them, and Bucky pulls you up as though you weigh nothing. In fact, he does it so easily that you crash straight into him with a yelp and his arms instantly slide around your waist to catch you as your knees go weak, buckling beneath you.
When you look up at him, your hands trying to find purchase in the material of his hoodie, he’s staring down at you with the hint of a smile.
“Thanks,” you say, quiet and a little stunned.
His lips crack a little wider. “No problem.”
For a few seconds longer than deemed socially appropriate, you stare at Bucky, captured by the changing color of his blue-gray eyes. And then, as if god is slapping you on the back of your head, you blink and remember that you are covered in alcohol and currently pressed against the chest of a superhero, and your eyes go wide as you quickly push away from him.
“Oh god, I’m so sorry,” you tell him. “I’m disgusting—you probably have orange juice all over you now, fuck.”
“Hey,” he says, his flesh hand wrapping around your upper arm to steady you, “it’s okay. Seriously though, are you alright?”
You open your mouth to say something and then shut it again when you realize nothing sounds like the right answer. Bucky waits patiently though, peering down at you, his grip a little more grounding than you wish it was.
“Yes?” you say, but it sounds like a question. “I mean, maybe? I’m—It’s not like I’m not used to this happening. I’ll be fine.”
Bucky frowns. “Used to it?”
You shrug. “Not all men are superheroes. Most don’t have good intentions. And I’m not even that pretty, can you imagine what other women deal with?”
It slips out before you realize it, the self-hatred you keep at bay.
“Not pretty?” Bucky’s face twists into something confused. “That guy assaulted you just to get your number. I’m not saying it’s right, but if you think you aren’t pretty, well that’s just wrong.”
Oh god, what are you supposed to say now? So stupid. If you had just kept your mouth shut, you wouldn’t have forced an Avenger—a really fucking hot Avenger—to give you an awkward compliment and now you have to scramble to figure out what to say. If you deny the compliment, you’ll look ungrateful. If you accept the compliment, that’s too egotistical. Too into yourself.
You’ve backed yourself into a corner here, and Bucky’s on the other side of the ring.
“Look,” he interrupts your inner monologuing, running a hand through his hair and glancing away, “if you don’t mind me saying it, you’re—well—you’re gorgeous. I hope you know that.”
Your mouth falls open and you stare at him, nervous energy radiating off him, and when his eyes shift back to yours he coughs.
“I mean, don’t take that the wrong way. I’m not—I’m not trying to hit on you after what just happened, I promise.” His eyes go wide, then, and he throws his hands out in front of him in a placating gesture. “That’s not to say I’m not! Not hitting on you. I mean, shit, I just think you’ve gotta be the most beautiful dame—woman, sorry—that I’ve seen in years.”
There’s something soft about it, something sweetly suffocating, like buttercream frosting in the back of your throat, about his nervousness. The gentle panic, the way his eyes go back and forth from the ground at your feet to your eyes like he’s checking to make sure he hasn’t said the wrong thing, but he just keeps putting his foot in his mouth like it’s a magnet to metal. It’s endearing. It’s real.
“Do you want to get a drink with me?” you blurt out, and Bucky blanches. “I know it’s only, like, noon but I need a drink. And I owe you. For saving me.”
He relaxes at this, another one of those small smiles easing its way onto his face, and his shoves his hands into his pockets like he wasn’t just panicking two seconds ago about calling you a dame, which if anyone else had done, you would have socked them in the mouth, but he’s like one-hundred-and-six or something and you kinda get it.
“The drinks you’re wearing ain’t enough, doll?”
A laugh breaks from your mouth and he lights up, grinning.
“Oh, that’s how it’s gonna be?” You can’t help the smile splitting your own lips. “Sure, make fun of the girl who just got hustled, easy prey.”
The way he looks at you is burning.
“I’m Bucky,” he says. “James Bucky Barnes.”
“I know,” you say with a laugh. When you give him your name, he almost looks like he wants to try it out, but he keeps it on his tongue like he’s tasting it instead.
“So, a drink?” he asks, a little cautiously.
“I’d like that.” Then, you look down and curse. “But I’m gross. I really need to go home and change.”
Bucky nods, but a look of disappointment crosses his face, there and then gone again, just enough to make your heart tighten into a painful brick weight atop your chest. Everything in your brain is saying no, don’t do it, don’t do it. But your heart hurts and it hurts for him, a man you’ve only met in news articles and awkward interviews until now, when he’s saved you from being slapped around by some creep or worse, and god, you have such a soft heart sometimes and it’s gotten you in trouble before but you can’t just ignore it.
“Do you like Bloody Marys?”
His eyes meet yours again and you’re drawn into the storm that swirls in his irises once again.
“Never had one,” he admits. “They don’t look much like a drink.”
“Well, if you’re interested, I have the stuff to make a really good one at home. And then I could change and clean up a little and still y’know, thank you for saving my life? I mean it’s not much, but—”
“Yes,” he says, his voice as sure and steady as it was earlier when he was in hero mode. “That sounds great.”
Oh, you’re fucked. You’re so fucked.
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The walk back to your apartment isn’t uncomfortable, but it’s not easy. Bucky walks beside you like a forcefield, using his body to guide you through the throng of people walking along the streets without even touching you. He reminds you of a sheepdog. The thought almost makes you laugh more than a few times during your stroll.
He walks with his hands in his pockets most of the way, especially his metal one. And he isn’t much of a talker, not that you mind as long as he keeps answering the questions you’re asking him, like what kind of food he likes and what he thinks about sphynx cats and if he likes memes—of which his answers consist of anything, what the hell is that and why is it naked, and a resounding yes.
Bucky asks some of his own questions, though they are few and far between and a lot more cohesive and meaningful than your own. He asks about how long you’ve lived in Washington D.C., about what you do for a living, and about your friends.
“Why did they leave you there?” He’s staring at you when he asks, brows sharp and furrowed.
“Because I told them to,” you answer. “I didn’t want them to get hurt or anything. And I’m kind of the person that if I’m yelling, you better listen ‘cause I’m usually yelling for a good reason.”
He nods like he understands, but his lips are pressed flat. “They shouldn’t have left you.”
You shrug. “I wanted them to. I would’ve been more pissed if they hadn’t run off and gotten tangled up in the middle of everything.”
“You’re a good person,” he says, still looking at you. His face is softer, that hint of a curve in his mouth the only sign that anything’s changed.
You give him your own smile. “Maybe.”
It’s only once you get to the front door of your apartment that things shift and your stomach rolls, heavy and fluttering light all at once, a not-so-familiar-anymore anxiety chilling your skin. The keys in your hand jingle and you aren’t sure if it's because your fingers are shaking or not.
“It’s not much,” you say, beckoning him inside, “but y’know, it’s enough for me.”
Bucky steps through the door with a reverence, a caution, a carefulness that strikes you right in the heart. He looks out of place for a minute, like he’s never entered an apartment before. And then, as you kick off your shoes, losing the extra inch of height, smiling and gesturing for him to do the same, there’s something in him that snaps and bends and his shoulders fall, relaxed.
He toes off his boots, leaving them by the door, and suddenly there’s a different air in the apartment. Almost intimate. Comfortable.
Stop it. You don’t even know him.
“Make yourself at home. Can I get you anything? A glass of water or something?”
Bucky shakes his head as he follows behind you, slowly, his eyes roaming over your space. It’s really not much, you know that. A little more than a box with a bathroom and a bedroom attached, what with the living room and the kitchen being “open-concept,” a word you’re pretty sure was invented to sell tiny apartments for more money. You don’t even have a table to sit at—just a couch to plunk down on while you’re eating.
“I’m alright, doll,” he says, running a hand over the soft cushions of said couch. “You go change, I’m fine.”
As soon as you disappear into your bedroom, the door locked behind you, you lean against the wood and let out a sigh. This is awkward. What the fuck were you thinking? Asking an Avenger—Bucky Barnes—back to your apartment for a drink? A bloody mary? Who are you trying to kid?
It’s been years, literal years since you’ve invited anyone back to your apartment. In fact, you don’t think anyone besides your friends has even stepped foot inside. Maybe they haven’t even made it to the door.
Why would you invite him here?
In frustration, you strip your dirty shirt off and throw it onto the floor, shimmy-ing out of your skirt and kicking it toward the hamper just as well. You sort through your drawers, looking for something comfortable to throw on. Or maybe you should wear something nice? Something that looks similar to what you wore to brunch. But Bucky’s dressed in jeans and a hoodie. But he also looks like a modern god in just that.
Fuck. You are fucked. Why did you ask him back to your place for a drink? What did you think would happen?
You throw an old band t-shirt over your head and pull a black pair of loose shorts up over your hips, cursing when you realize they don’t even hit mid-thigh. Does that seem suggestive? Is Bucky going to think you want to fuck him if you walk out in these?
Do you want to fuck Bucky?
No. No. This is not what this is about. You invited him over because you owed him a drink and because you needed to change and because he seemed so damn sad when you said you couldn’t go out for a drink. So you asked him to come home with you. Oh, god, that’s so complicated. What have you gotten yourself into?
Stop. Just stop thinking.
But—you have to admit it to yourself—you want it. You want him.
Your friends’ earlier words repeat in your head. A human, a connection, something that isn’t an empty apartment. They aren’t wrong for thinking that it’s something you want. For most of your life, you’ve lived thinking that you shouldn’t need someone. But isn’t it okay to want someone? You’re tired of being alone. Bucky Barnes is the first man that’s been in your empty apartment since you moved in, and maybe it’s a bold move, but you know what?
You throw yourself out of your bedroom, probably looking a little too frazzled, and you quickly comb your fingers through your hair as nonchalantly as possible to fix the flyaways. Bucky’s sitting on your couch, looking lonely, his hands rigid on his spread knees.
He looks like he fits there, on your sofa, in your empty apartment.
“Look,” you say in a breath, catching his attention. When he looks at you, his eyes sweep over your body like he’s never seen a woman before; shy, timid, a little nervous, but there’s something else there. It’s the same thing that’s heating your insides right now.
“I can make you a drink,” you offer, leaning against the doorframe to your bedroom with your arms crossed over your chest, staring at him, “or I can come over there and you can kiss me drunk instead, ‘cause I’m already halfway there.”
Bucky’s eyes widen for a fraction of a second, and then a cocky grin is curling his lips up, his face brightening the entire apartment. You don’t know if your body is warm because you’re embarrassed at your own daring or because Bucky Barnes is so beautiful it’s criminal, but you know that there’s static and stretch in your limbs and desire pooling in your belly. Liquor and lust are chasing away whatever fears you had before.
“Really?” he asks, but there’s a teasing lilt to his voice that reminds you of what a fucking flirt he is, or that he can be, and you think butterflies might be taking up residence in your tummy.
“Really,” you mimic, wearing your own charmed smile. Bucky lets his head fall to the side as he looks over you, then crooks one metal finger at you, beckoning you to join him on the couch. With as much confidence as you can muster, you stride toward him, putting a little swing in your steps. Maybe you look crazy doing it, but it’s enough that his eyes flicker down to watch your hips, and it sends a thrill through you.
“This isn’t like me,” you tell him as you sink down beside him, as close as possible while still giving him space to bolt if he needs to. “I don’t invite strangers over to my house like this.”
He smiles and it’s warm and big and easy. “I’m glad you did,” he says.
God, his eyes are pretty. “Me too.”
With Bucky’s thigh pressed against yours, his hand resting dangerously close to one of your bare knees, knuckles brushing your skin every time he shifts, you’re melting into his touch and you don’t care. It’s intoxicating—not the alcohol, which you swear should be wearing off by now, but him.
“I don’t do this often,” you say again, like you need to defend your bold behavior.
“Does that mean I’m special?”
“I think so,” you murmur, only loud enough for him to hear being this close.
Kinder than you thought possible, somehow simultaneously suave but still a little nervous, and yet authentic to a fault, Bucky Barnes is a thousand and one contradictions. Nothing like you ever thought he’d be. And maybe that’s what gives you the courage, the thought that someone so hardened could be so soft. That someone who looks like him, chiseled and striking and like a charcoal sketching on stark paper, could turn red at your innuendos and your charmed quips. That there’s a chance he could be attracted to you.
This—This is the connection you’ve been waiting for. The person who makes you feel like this. Tipsy when you shouldn’t be tipsy anymore.
“I know we barely know each other, but I really, really want you, Bucky.”
Your shoulder is pressed to his shoulder, your chest nearing his chest, your chin tipped up to stare at his eyes, his nose, his parted lips. Bucky stares down at you, his Adam’s apple dipping and bobbing as he swallows hard. Your lips curl, threatening to giggle. He’s so damn cute. How can someone like him, an Avenger, a super soldier, look so cute?
But the hand at your knee finally creeps up your skin, his hot palm glossing over your bare thigh, resting a little higher than a friendly touch would go. He presses indents—not too hard, but not too soft—into your plush, silken flesh.
“You do?” he asks, tongue darting out to wet his lip and you want to follow it back into his mouth with your own.
To answer, you push closer, your hand coming up to drape across his neck, a little off-balance as you sit up on your knees.
“Mhm,” you hum, and that’s all he needs to grasp your thigh roughly and drag you over him, seating you upon his lap as a squeak of surprise flies from your lips. His hands fall to your hips as if your body was made for him to hold and suddenly you’re looking down at him and he’s looking up at you instead, and god, he’s staring at you like you’re heaven and earth and everything he ever needed to be saved.
“I want you too,” he says, exhaling as if you’ve stolen all the air in his lungs.
“Then will you finally kiss me?” Your nose brushes his and his breath ghosts over your mouth.
Bucky’s lips surge up to meet yours, swallowing the last sounds of your words like it’s the first drink of water he’s had in years, cool and refreshing and tinged with smoke, something uniquely him.
As your hands thread through his short locks, desperate to hold onto him in any way, his fingers begin to curve over your ass. You rock into him, pressing against him harder, sucking at his plush lips as his tongue skims over your top lip until you grant him entry. Bucky kisses like he’s trying to taste every single part of you and it sends waves of pleasure through your belly and to your core, where you grind down until you feel his hardening length beneath you.
Immediately, you start to strip him of his hoodie, divesting him of that layer to feel the soft shirt beneath—but only barely because it’s hell trying to pull his hands away from where they’re touching you.
And he’s touching you everywhere. His fingers roam over every generous piece of your body. The silken planes of your thighs where he’s pushed your shorts up, the wide canyons of your hips, the bumpy hills of your waist where your stomach is too big and too soft and where he slips his mismatched hands under your shirt to trace the lines of your stretch marks. It isn’t long until he brushes by the band of your bra and then he’s tugging at the hem of the shirt, pulling away from your lips long enough to rid you of it.
You take the moment to rid him of his too, and then you’re both topless, still sitting atop his lap and panting from lack of air. No words are shared between you before Bucky is capturing your mouth again. It’s only passion, frenzied and hot and wanting.
His fingers fumble with the hooks of your bra blindly as your teeth sink into his bottom lip, nipping and giggling and tangling your tongue around his. As soon as you hear the snap, you lean back and Bucky pulls it off you, flinging the offending garment somewhere else in the apartment.
Now, with your naked chest completely bared to him, you wait for it to happen. For his eyes to dart away, for the apprehension to cross his features, for the disgust to set it. The real reason that it’s been so long since you’ve invited someone into your empty apartment—into your empty life.
You’re scared.
Like you’re expecting the blow, you close your eyes and brace yourself, but you don’t cover up. You’ve learned not to cover up. You refuse to make yourself smaller, or prettier, or more tolerable for people. It’s why you don’t get entangled with one-night stands anymore, why you don’t ask strangers to come home with you, why you don’t let your girlfriends set you up with anyone. Because you refuse to make yourself something you’re not just to fit in, and that’s what always, always ends up happening.
Bucky touches you and it makes you flinch, his vibranium fingers a little chilly against the soft, warm skin of your stomach. He touches you and it’s electric, but you don’t open your eyes.
You’re too afraid to look and see the disappointment in his gorgeous blues.
His hands skim over your rib cage, sliding around the sides of your waist, his thumbs grazing the undersides of your breasts. You shiver at the contact. He continues his trail upwards, but then he lays his palms on your shoulders and caresses over your neck, his fingers finally finding the edge of your soft jaw to cradle your face. A shaky breath leaves you.
“Look at me,” he whispers, closer than you thought.
And no matter how much you’ll berate yourself over it later, there is something so safe about Bucky Barnes that your lashes flutter and your eyes open, and he’s right there, right there in front of you, staring at you with those stormy sea eyes half-lidded and glazed over with lust, his pink lips parted in awe, and you gasp at the intensity that strikes right through the center of you.
“You’re…” he trails off, swallowing nervously again. “Doll, I don’t think I know a word in English that describes you.”
Bucky presses forward, his chest brushing against your hardened nipples, stealing your breath and then sealing your lips with a kiss that isn’t like before. This kiss isn’t needy or wanting or filled with teeth and tongue and desperation. This time, his mouth moves with yours as if he’s trying to spell out a thousand words in twenty different languages to tell you how he feels, his lips leading yours in a dance that isn’t worried about an audience or the music or if you step on his toes.
When he pulls away, you wonder if your mouth is as swollen as his.
“You’re perfect,” he says with a finality in his tone that almost makes you collapse into his arms.
Then, Bucky wastes no time and captures a nipple in between those swollen lips, causing you to let out an embarrassingly loud noise in surprise. His metal hand finds your other breast, thumb stroking over the bud until you’re arching further into him. As his tongue traces patterns around one nipple, his fingers tweak and twist and pull its sister, and your hands grasp his broad shoulders in an attempt to hold on.
Finally, he presses gentle kisses over your rosy buds, all worn out by his touches, and then circles your breasts with more kitten licks and grazes of his teeth. Bucky’s hands settle at your hips again, fingers grasping your skin like he can’t get enough of the feel of you. He’s trying to imprint your body on his palms.
“I need to have you, doll,” he says all breathy as if he isn’t the one absolutely drenched right now. “Please. Please,” he asks so softly that you wonder if this is the man who even came to your rescue today, all tall and brooding. When you grind down on his lap again, feeling his hard cock beneath his jeans as he lets out a groan and tightens his grip on your waist, you realize you’re not the only one feeling the tension.
Still, there’s something cheeky left in you and you reach out to swipe your finger across his nose, effectively booping it cutely. A grin splits your lips.
“You need me?” you ask teasingly. “What if I need you instead?”
It’s like it sets something ablaze in him or something, ‘cause as soon as you go in for another kiss, Bucky stands up from the couch, his hands cradling your ass as you shriek and wrap your legs around him in reflex.
“Oh my god—”
“Now you’ve done it,” he grunts, burying his face in your neck to pepper kisses all over the stretch of skin that encompasses your shoulder, your jawline, even up into your hairline by your ear.
“Oh my god, put me down Bucky, I’m—you’re gonna drop me, I’m too heavy!”
“Heavy?” He chuckles against your throat and the vibrations almost make you shudder in pleasure. God, what is this man doing to you? “Darlin’, I don’t think you know the meaning of heavy.”
Bucky flashes you a wide, almost predatory grin, and you wonder where that soft, nervous boy went.
“If I wanted to,” he says, his voice low and steady, “I could fuck you right here, in the middle of the room, for hours.” He must feel the shiver that goes through your entire body because he’s laughing again. “But I want to fuck you into your mattress if that’s okay. Can I do that?”
Your throat feels dry when you whisper, “Yes. Please.”
He punctuates your plea with a heated kiss to your lips, his tongue tasting the citrus and bubble from your mimosas, the alcohol long since worn off. It’s all him that you feel, all him that intoxicates you, and all him around you as he walks you into your bedroom, not even straining under your weight, and dumps you onto the middle of your sheets.
There, he cages you, hovering above you to kiss down your body, already intent on tearing your shorts off.
“Bucky,” you whine. In the afternoon light streaming through the single window in your room, his eyes are a startling color you wish you could name, all clear and confident and crystal and god, god, his fingers are already exploring the slit of your core so lightly it makes you flush and want to hide, your inner thighs sticky and coated in your own slick from how hot he’s made you with such simple touches.
“You want me?” he asks as if he doesn’t know.
“Yes,” you hiss in pleasure, body writhing beneath him. Bucky leans down to kiss the shell of your ear, his tongue blazing a hot trail that makes you moan and buck your hips up to meet his, but he won’t have any of that.
“Good,” he says, “‘cause I need to have you, and I don’t plan on letting you go ‘till I’ve gotten everything you’ve got to give, doll.”
That nervous Bucky, all awkward smiles and panicked glances and sweet lines, he’s gone. In his place is this Bucky, assured and charming and suave and smooth and making your eyes roll back into your head until a scream is threatening to burst from your lips unless he swallows it with his own kiss, which he does, over and over again.
“I’m gonna ravage you, darlin’.”
You aren’t sure which one you like better—but is it greedy to say both?
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As the light of a new day spreads through your apartment, you awaken easily, softly, but painfully. Someone’s pulled the blankets up to your chin and tucked them around you, and the thought leaves an empty feeling inside of you. When you stretch, every part of you burns deliciously, a memory from the hours spent in bed, on the couch, on the fucking counter after you’d eaten and he still wasn’t satisfied, and then again in bed.
And now, looking over at the space beside you, he’s gone. His clothes are gone from the floor. There’s no sound echoing in the building. He even left you tucked in, for god’s sake.
Your apartment is just as it always has been—empty.
With a groan, you kick the covers off and plant your feet on the floor, willing yourself to get up. The ache in your muscles is nothing more than a pleasant memory, an unpleasant reminder of the marks he left on you, his absence.
Stop it. You shouldn’t have even gotten attached to him in the first place. You knew what this was, and he did too, and it’s no wonder he’s gone this morning.
Get over it.
You swipe an oversized shirt from your dresser and throw it over your head as you stride out toward the kitchen, content to go pantyless for the day after the abuse you put it through last night. Yawning, your eyes screwed shut in another big stretch to warm up your overused muscles, you hear him before you see him.
“Mornin’, doll.”
Like that, your eyes snap open and he’s there, standing in your tiny kitchen in nothing but last night’s boxers, looking fucking glorious in the spotlight of the warm sun that’s streaming through the room and highlighting the counters.
“Bucky?” you ask, but it’s a little loud and a little shrieking, something you don’t intend. But all he does is smile at you, metal fingers tapping the plastic countertop, so at ease he just looks like he belongs there.
“I thought I’d make you breakfast but you have nothing in your fridge,” he jokes, leaning back against the drawers and crossing his arms over his bare chest.
You shift, embarrassed, looking anywhere but at him. “Yeah, I need to go shopping.”
A long stretch of silence fills your apartment and you’re unsure of what to say in order to break it. Bucky’s clearly watching you, drinking in the sight of your love-marked body, bruises peeking out of the hem of your shirt that barely skims past the tops of your thighs, and you remember you’re wearing nothing underneath.
And he’s here, right here, and you really aren’t sure why. It seems the two of you have almost switched places. Where Bucky was nervous and shy at first, he’s now confident and comfortable and you’re left with heated cheeks and a tongue-tied in knots. Whatever boldness that came over you all yesterday has fled.
It’s left a deep pocket of insecurity inside of you.
“Why are you still here?” you ask, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, like you don’t care, but your voice shakes a little. He’s too far away to really tell, but you think a flash of hurt passes over Bucky’s brow.
“‘Cause you still owe me a drink,” he says as if it's obvious, a small smile still sitting so prettily on his mouth.
You blink, a little confused, but shuffle closer. “Bloody Mary?”
“Yeah,” he says with a deep breath, his grin growing bigger the closer that you come toward him. “Will you still make me one?”
You nod, toes finally crossing into the kitchen, and then you and Bucky are staring at each other. There are scratches left like the bones of a graveyard on his arms, and you’re almost sure if he turned around they’d cover his neck and back just as well. Seeing those reddened marks, similar to the bruises he’s left on you, makes you relax your shoulders just a little.
“Do you need help?” he asks, eyes sweeping over your barely covered form.
“No,” you say, heading to the kitchen which is little more than a countertop, a stove, and a fridge. “But you can keep me company.”
So this is what happens in the morning after. Bucky leans against the counter next to you, watching you with a burning intensity that nearly matches last night’s, and you pull all the ingredients out and line them up next to two glasses and try not to falter under his gaze. He looks at you like you’re this fascinating thing he needs to study and it bothers you, but only in the best of ways.
“Do you always stare this hard at your dates?” A smile plays at your lips as you crack open the tomato juice.
He doesn’t look away. “No,” he says, but he sounds unsure. “Is this a date, doll?” There’s something in his voice that you can’t figure out, faintly hopeful, fairly confused. Vaguely surprised, even.
You shrug. “Maybe.” Especially after all of yesterday, you would hope he thought so.
But Bucky shakes his head. “No.”
Ow.
That hurt more than you were expecting it to. Calling yourself his date had only been a joke meant to lighten the mood, ease him up a little, cure the tension swirling in the room. You guess you should have expected it, though. You owed him a drink—he didn’t owe you a date. It wasn’t supposed to be a date, anyway.
All you had done was sleep together, for fuck’s sake. This is why you hate morning afters. This is why you would have preferred it if he had been gone when you woke.
But was that even true? Because the relief you felt when you found him waiting for you in the kitchen was immense and hard to understand.
You open the bottle of vodka a little more forcefully than you intended.
“When we go out on a real date,” he continues, and your eyes meet, “I’ll be taking you out and treating you.” A slow grin crawls over his face that reminds you of his wicked mouth and what it can do and the sight makes your heart beat and beat and beat, faster and faster, like the wings of a hummingbird, quick quick quick.
“When?”
“When,” he affirms.
“That’s bold of you,” you say, popping ice cubes from a tray into the glasses.
“Maybe,” he says, “but I know what I want now.” Bucky shifts a little closer to you, his vibranium arm brushing by the bare skin of your soft one as you try and focus on not spilling the juice, but you can smell him and he smells like cedar and bergamot and smoke and clove. A smell that consumed you whole last night, surrounded you, drowned you in it.
He’s so close you can feel him inhale.
“I’ve lived a long time not knowing—not getting to decide—what I want,” he admits, his voice low and quiet and soothing your nervous heart. “So you can call it bold, but I call it right.”
The sincerity in his voice makes your hands still and you look up at him, eyes wide. In the soft white lights of your tiny kitchen, sharing the tight space with him so close, Bucky’s eyes are thunder and rain and lightning all at once, peace and chaos both, promising release and the sweet scent of earth and oil afterward.
“You don’t even know me,” you whisper.
Bucky leans closer. “But I want to.”
He’s so close, too close, close enough that he can surely hear the rhythm of your heart, unsteady and racing just for him. You could surge forward and kiss him, stake your claim once again on those pinkened lips that have held your attention from the first time you saw them, feel the stubble of his jaw rub against the soft peach fuzz of your own, let it remind you of how it felt against the apex of your thighs as he made you cry out over and over again, breaking on his tongue over and over again.
It makes you feel dizzier than any alcohol ever could.
But Bucky reaches over, past you, and takes one of the glasses from your hand, warm fingers brushing over your cooler ones. He holds it up, toward you, gesturing for a toast. With a swallow, hardly glancing away from his slate eyes to grab the other glass, you tap your Bloody Mary against his with a soft clink.
He watches you over the rim as he takes his first sip and you think he might be smirking. Then, he darts toward you and takes your lips in his own, tasting of spice and tomato juice and perfection, all Bucky, all for you.
When he pulls away, too quickly, he rests his forehead against your and looks down at you, staring into your hazy eyes.
“Will you let me stay?” he asks, like he doesn’t know what you’ll say. The soft, nervous Bucky is peeking out from behind his confident visage once again, his voice hopeful and frightened and the hand that’s gliding beneath your shirt and over your waist more timid than it was last night.
There’s a million things you can say. You can tell him to take you out to brunch instead. You can tell him you’re too busy. You can tell him that this was a one-night stand, it was only ever meant to be a one night stand, and that it was fun but you can’t afford to get attached to him and god, you know you’re going to get attached to him if he stays and that scares the ever-living fuck out of you. You can tell him that it’s messy here, inside your empty apartment, inside your empty heart. You can tell him that he could take up residence here. You can tell him so, so many things.
“Yes,” you say instead, and Bucky laughs against your mouth when he kisses you hard once more.
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dreamgrlarchive · 4 years
Text
Self Care 101 🦋
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In this post I’ll be outlining my current routines as they relate to self care. I’ll cover everything from head to toe making sure not to skip your spirit. You cannot be a girl of ANYONE’S dreams if you aren’t taking care of the most important person in your world: you.
mornings:
wash face with gentle cleanser from curology, tone with organic Mamonde rose water and finish with rich moisturizer and spf30
brush teeth with activated charcoal toothpaste by Crest and baking soda for whitening and gum clarity
take vitamins : woman’s one a day, hair skin nails, biotin, vitamin c
drink glass of water then a cup of tea
black tea, raw cane sugar, a lemon slice, ginger
good for energy, immune function, and detox
showers:
this may sound so extra (😅), but depending on my hairstyle, I sometimes like to let the shower run for about five minutes with the door closed to create a sauna effect. this is especially if I have a mask on my hair.
my showers usually are about 20-30 minutes
I have a back brush, pink exfoliating gloves, a loofah, and tree hut body scrubs and I use them ALL.
I wash first with my dove beauty bar to assure clean skin before washing with EITHER my OGX Shea So Soft body wash or Dove Renewing Peony and Rose Oil body wash to add scent or silkiness to my skin.
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hair removal:
I haven’t yet mastered the art of waxing myself so I’m still riding the shave wave. *when I do I’ll make a post 4 that*
I exfoliate throughly before AND after shaving
I shave my entire body using Tree Hut Shaving Oil and a nice conditioner I’m not using. This leaves my skin super soft and silky and helps the razor to glide without skipping. I use Gillette Venus. no less than five blades, anything less is ASKING for nicks and a hard time.
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when I don’t feel like shaving, I use Nair. use at your own risk. yes, I Nair my ENTIRE BODY. only leaving it on for about 7 minutes I rinse in WARM (not hot) water and exfoliate afterwards. it is imperative to moisturize after to avoid irritation. however, Nair is much easier to do than shaving and seems to last an inkling longer.
after shaving, once a month, I pull out my KENZZI. it’s an IPL device and it has helped to slow the growth of my hair. it’s noticeable for us long, thick haired chicks. I use the second to lowest setting as a melanated babe, as the higher settings could burn me.
I know many endorse the hair on women movement and I can understand it. But I personally love my skin silky, hairless, and smooth.
nights:
after eating dinner, I wash my face and apply the tiniest bit of glycolic serum and my curology night cream. my skin has been the best it’s been in a few years. then I brush my teeth and rinse with peroxide.
every four days I give myself a facial
my favorite face masks:
The Ordinary Salicylic Acid mask
The Ordinary AHA + BHA mask
all Tony Moly sheet masks *luvvvvv those*
GLAMGLOW SUPERMUD clearing treatment *fav*
Peter Thomas Roth Pumpkin Enzyme mask
Peter Thomas Roth Cucumber Gel mask
Peter Thomas Roth Irish Moor Mud mask
Peter Thomas Roth Rose Stem Cell Bio-Repair Gel mask
ORIGINS Clear Improvement mask
An at home honey and aloe mask
I apply a rich facial moisturizer and get to bed.
I then write in my planner my new plans and what I did that day if I hadn’t already. then after that I script and make mood boards in my diary. then I read a little. currently reading: Making Faces by Kevyn Aucoin, and Live Like a hot Chick by Jodi Lipper.
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emotions:
I talk to my grandmother about my feelings, she helps me sort things out. please try to find one person you trust to talk to, my messages are always open. 💓 I often overthink. I suffer from anxiety and clinical depression. sometimes these things make me FEEL limited. these experiences wax and wane. I remind myself that the darkness is temporary.
I write in my diary what I feel and track my emotions for potential patterns. I don’t manufacture or sugar coat my feelings, I just talk.
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sometimes you need a good cry. let it out. clean your slate. you’ll always feel better, sometimes great after a hard, deep sobbing cry.
I try to get out of the house and get some sunlight. it helps brighten my mood sometimes.
baths:
LOVE taking baths I don’t care what the status quo is about dirt. just rinse off. I love wrapping my hair up and soaking in warm-hot water.
first I run the water. as it’s running I add my bubble bath, then body wash, then my Shea Moisture fragrant coconut oil. it smells soooo good, literally yummy. then I inevitably scream from dipping my toe in the hot water. finally I get in, scrub down my body, emphasis on feet. then I wash, and just relax. I’ve even fallen asleep in the tub once, I was so zen.
careful not to soak too long or overdo it with your products. synthetic materials lingering in your lady bits for too long cause cause infections like bv or uti
some women add tea tree oil, acv, or even Aztec clay to their baths for wellness purposes. I love adding essential oils to my baths to relax and the natural scent is just great 🥺
when I get out I always put something that feels lush and soft on. *invest in super soft, comfy bath towels, they’ll make you feel so luxurious and soft after a nice relaxing bath*
flower:
the yoni is something sensitive that needs to be taken care of thoroughly, and differently than the rest of your body. it’s not recommended to use soaps down there, it can unbalance things and make you itch. also make you prone to infection. this is why I use clear warm water to clean. if I use soap it’s a sensitive, gentle formula. don’t ever try to clean the cavity. she’s a self cleaning vessel.
to shave, I trim my hair down as close as possible and use a FIVE BLADE razor with conditioner and take my time. making sure not to pass a spot twice, I apply moderate pressure and move slowly. when finished I rinse and scrub gently. I PAT not rub dry. to finish off I apply TendSkin, and salicylic acid to avoid ingrowns. once that’s soaked in I apply shea butter. very soft and pretty 🌸
⚠️ DO NOT PUT ON TIGHT PANTIES OR RIGHT PANTS AFTER SHAVING. it restricts the hairs and causes irritation and ingrowns. throw on some comfy loose shorts for a while, let it breathe
dietary needs:
drink plenty of water
cranberry juice
vitamin c
minimal red meat
probiotics
at home vagacial for the high maintenance girlies:
*make any necessary extractions with pointed and slanted tweezers *
scrub: 
brown sugar, tea tree oil, a little shea butter
exfoliating and anti inflammatory
mask:
baking soda, fresh lemon juice, vitamin e oil, papaya juice, gelatin
fixes discoloration and brightens the skin while softening
moisturize:
aloe vera gel, rose hip seed oil
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smelling sweet:
ah yes, my favorite part. I love fragrance so much. I love to smell like you could literally break off a piece of me and eat it.
I find that using fragrant washes and oils make your scent more strong and help it linger. I already mentioned the body washes I use. the tree hut scrubs I use smell amazing also. I alike to add essential oils and man made scents like strawberry and chocolate to my Shea Moisture oil (so yummy).
I also use a fragrant lotion, eau de parfum, and fragrance mist.
here’s a list of some of my favorites:
perfumes:
jimmy choo fever
coach floral blush
yves saint laurent mon paris
victoria’s secret bombshell
victoria’s secret scandalous
valentino
fragrance mists:
victoria’s secret velvet petals, pure seduction, warm and cozy
bath and body works a thousand wishes, fiji pineapple palm, warm vanilla sugar, black raspberry vanilla
oils:
coconut
sweet almond
peppermint
chocolate scented essential oil
strawberry scented essential oil
orange
grapefruit
eucalyptus
sweetest combo ever:
vanilla extract, coconut oil, shea butter, and your favorite perfume. you’ll be smelling like a warm cupcake with extra sprinkles and icing 🧁
layering:
oil, lotion, eau de parfum, mist
pulse points:
inside elbows and knees, in between thighs, inner arms, behind ears, back of neck, ankles
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hair:
it’s super important to keep your hair moisturized. quenched tresses move, grow, shine and bounce. dry hair is limp, lackluster, and extremely fragile
my fav diy deep conditioner:
a banana, half an avocado, three spoons of honey, an egg, a spoonful of mayo, a spoonful of coconut, olive, and castor oil each
strength from egg, avocado, mayo and olive oil
moisture from avocado and honey
cover damp CLEAN hair and scalp in mixture and cover with a plastic bag, then towel for an hour, rinse thoroughly, and seal in moisture
fav hair products:
castor oil
fusionplex conditioner and mask
Aussie conditioner
wella goji berry mask
coconut oil
style booster edge control
helpful tips:
when shampooing, concentrate on the scalp and wash thoroughly twice, as the suds will naturally cleanse your stands without drying and stripping them
rinse hair with apple cider vinegar every now and then. it restores your ph balance, smooths the cuticle, clarifies the strands, and adds shine
always add oil and leave ins to DAMP hair, never dry; this will ensure you’re sealing in moisture
try to use smooth fabrics to dry your hair, bath towels encourage frizz and breakage
hands and feet:
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and last but not least, let’s cover manicuring and pedicuring.
it’s super important to make sure your nails are either DONE or filed, shaped, and smooth. at home maintenance is super easy. make a point to scrub your hands and feet well when bathing. make sure to stay on top of your cuticles by trimming or pushing them back. I like the look that pushing them gives. I use an orangewood stick, metal pusher and cuticle softener to make the process super easy and safe. after I’m done I add my pineapple scented cuticle oil. I do this on my fingers and toes.
invest in a rasp and pumice stone for your feet and use these gently every two weeks after soaking them in warm foot salts. rough usage can cause cuts and irritation. in between treatments keep your feet soft by slathering them in a moisturizing foot cream, cocoa/shea butter then oil to seal it all in. buy some soft thick aloe infused socks and wear them to sleep. you’ll thank me 😉
for info on how I do my nails click this
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well, that’s all I’ve got. I truly hope you enjoyed my post! it’s always fun sharing my advice with you all. any feedback is appreciated and question is welcomed ♡
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the thing about life was that a flame could be so easily blown out, so people fought like hell to keep it alive. the tip of the candle could easily be cupped for protection, gentle breath given to let the flame flutter back to life. (is that what she did? when she pounded his chest again and again, her magic stronger than any human could be? when she pressed her lips to his and breathed the very essence of life back into his body?) what people often forgot was that you could simply relight the candle.
bernard hadn't thought about darla in years. people on online forums, ones he'll never tell tim how often he visited, spoke of their experiences with metas and myths and anyone in between. he knew what happened to people accosted by magic, knew of chains trapping them with their own terror, their minds turning against themselves as their nightmares came to life.
bernard, on the other hand, could say that he wasn't all that haunted by darla. she'd lifted his car off the ground in a display of power, told bernard she was laura fell now, no matter the fact that she looked and walked and talked like darla aquista, then threatened his life on behalf of her seemingly never-ending obsession with tim motherfucking drake. seemingly, because when bernard had brought up old times they used to spend with darla over lunch, casual as you please, tim had grinned a little before dismissing his fears. darla was training with some sort of enchantress to try and be good, growing more powerful by the day.
bernard wondered, for a moment, if all of his friends could make the earth quake with a press of their fingertips. if all of his friends could bend those figures of myth and meta and magic with only their will. if he'd spent his life in the company of gods in everything but name, right down to the perfect muscles pulling under skin and battle-worn glimmer in eyes too old to be on a faces so young. (bernard wondered, for a moment, if there was any way he could join them. if the madness in darla's eyes as she demanded tim's whereabouts and the screams of terror on his boyfriend's lips as he woke up with a knife in his hand were worth it.)
bernard knew there was nothing he could have done for darla. probably not now but definitely not back then. he had no power over life and death, he couldn't have saved darla from the bullet wound that cost her nearly everything had he even attempted to try. sometimes, darla shifted in his memories, morphed into someone with the same dark hair and same blue eyes, but with broader shoulders and a kinder smile.
there was the fear that one day, something would take tim down, a dark shadow grappling with his boyfriend's shining, golden soul before snuffing it out as surely as a candle. then there was the fear that one day, something would bring tim back, clawed fingers opening his boyfriend's eyes and twisting that golden soul into something dripping and jagged, as poisonously yellow as laura fell.
(bernard learned of what happened to jason todd on accident, a couple years after the cult of dionysus. there were some horrors he could force himself to speak aloud, some fates that he couldn't stomach.)
(if tim was surprised at the way bernard's fingernails dug into his back as he held the vigilante close, at the way bernard took advantage of the inches he'd lost to tim's late growth spurt to curl himself completely into his boyfriend's arms, then tim never showed a whisper of it.)
the quickest way to avoid all of that, bernard thought, was to just make sure tim didn't die in the first place.
"hey," tim said, bringing his hand up to flick bernard on the forehead. "only shit nurses get distracted when they're treating their patient."
"only shit patients have such abysmal bedside manner."
"oooh, abysmal," tim waggled his eyebrows. "that word-of-the-day calendar is really coming in handy, huh?"
bernard sniffed. "i'll have you know that i am a well-read intellectual. fuckin' sherlock at this point."
in the movies, people with wounds like the glaring one on tim's shoulder sagged into the wall, made tearful confessions through a mouth full of blood, shuddered in pain at the slightest touch. tim's fingers hurt where he hit bernard's forehead, he didn't lose his smart mouth for anything, and was tapping his foot in impatience before bernard propped it up on the sofa.
"you're fucking sherlock? that's such a sweet pet name, you should use it more often," tim teased.
"don't get a big head, you're not that good."
bernard opened the first aid kit, unusually large and unusually used. his fingers found the small pipe bottle of water and the gauze. he tore a small piece off before wiping off the rest of the dried blood as gently has he could.
"you know," tim sounded almost contemplative, musing. completely disregarding what should have been a throbbing pain. completely trusting bernard to take care of him. "ra's al ghul called me detective once."
bernard's fingers closed around the saline solution with more ease than what was comfortable, but he had plenty of practice pushing those thoughts aside.
"i have no clue who that is," he said, feeling tim tense only the barest bit when he poured the solution over the wound. it had to have stung something fierce. bernard had seen grown men whimper at the sensation. tim sighed and tipped his head back instead.
"no one important," tim chuckled. "but i do kinda wish damian was here to hear that."
antibiotics next, and if tim felt the urge to shy away from bernard's fingers as he brushed the wound with ointment, bernard couldn't tell; he suppressed it as impressively as always.
"come on, no sibling talk when you're shirtless and i'm on top of you." bernard joked. neither of them mentioned the blood staining tim's undershirt-slash-makeshift-bandage, the dried blood flakes all over tim's lap, the way bernard's thighs were clenching tim to the point of pain.
between one blink and the next, tim was all wrapped up, gauze in place and bandage taped on top. his boyfriend's lovestruck little smile gleamed up at him, one bernard recognized. a pinch of awe and a dash of trust and a sprinkle of comfort. mix them together and bake at 350, bernard thought a bit hysterically, and you get love for a man who's terrified at how fast he can use bandages.
still, tim took precedent. every night bernard spent washing his hands too roughly at the sink was another night his boyfriend was breathing on the bed in the other room. every night bernard opened that unusually large and unusually used first aid kit was another night tim's soul stayed whole and shining and untarnished by whatever creatures took people beyond the veil only to drag them back. every night bernard spend trying to rub the scent of copper and the spill of liquid poppy off his fingers was another night bernard used his bloodstained hands to keep tim's flame alive.
i mayyyyyyyy have gotten a little too excited every time i used the word "boyfriend."
tag list: @woahjaybird @anothertimdrakestan @birdy-bat-writes @screennamealreadyused @subtleappreciation @bikoncon @pricetagofficial @catxsnow @bonkybearjpeg @maplumebleue-blog-blog @sundownridge @thatsthewhump @xatanna-troy @red-hood-redemption @capricorn-stark @batshit-birds @buticaaba @comics-observer @newsical
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yunoysl · 3 years
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needy. (m)
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Summary: You probably have the most annoying neighbor to exist. He’s always loud, making you always have to bang on his door to tell him to shut up. One question he asks is enough to have you in his bed.
Pairing: cocky neighbor + fuckboy!haechan x fem!reader
Word count: 1.6k
Warnings: slightly suggestive, blowjob, spitting in mouth (idk if there’s a name for it), unprotected sex, small size kink, breeding
feedback is greatly appreciated!
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You hate your neighbor, so so much. It’s an everyday occurrence for him to be LOUD. And it’s an occurrence for you to bang at his door every day telling him to keep it down. Whether it’s plying his music loud, screaming at his computer when he’s playing overwatch, or playing with himself. That you’ve heard more times that you would think to think of. Or bringing girls over and having THEM be loud. It’s annoying.
“Haechan! Open your door!” You bang on his door, positive that you’re going to almost leave a hole.
“Hello lovely neighbor” your oh so lovely neighbor opened his door, a smirk on this painfully handsome face.
“This is the third day in a row. Can you please shut your little girlfriends up” you don’t see the judgement look that the girl he has inside his place gives you.
“Oh come on, being loud is the fun part” you know he’s teasing you
“You love to irritate me on purpose, don’t you?”
“It’s my superpower. And besides, it’s really fun seeing you all frustrated” he gives you his teasing smile that for some reason does things to you. And you hate yourself for it.
“Are you kidding me? Just please keep it down”
“But then you won’t visit me” The teasing smile leaves his face and is replaced with the cutest pout you’ve ever seen.
“You’re so annoying”
“Are you just mad because you’re horny and wanna fuck me?” That caught you so off guard. You can’t deny the fact that he’s really hot, and the way his thighs are hugged when he wears black skinny jea- no stop.
You don’t answer his question, “I’m leaving”
“Same time tomorrow?” He yells out right as you’re closing your door, ready and looking forward to not having to deal with him for the rest of the day.
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“Are you just mad because you’re horny and wanna fuck me?”
Why is that question constantly in your brain. Yeah, you HAVE thought about what it would be like to be in the position of the girls that he invited over to fuck. But that’s it.
Yes, you have used your vibrator while picturing what it would be like to be fucked by your beautiful, tan skinned neighbor who looks like he was kissed by the sun.
You let out a deep, frustrated sigh, reaching over to your nightstand to use your little friend and relieve yourself.
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Of course Haechan would never be quiet, as you’re currently banging on his door again.
He finally opens the door, wearing a pear of black basketball shorts this time, and hair a mess.
“If it isn’t my pretty baby” that is the grossest thing you’ve ever heard from him. But why is it making you fight the urge to smile like a school girl who just asked her crush out.
“I was waiting for you, sweet girl” you don’t know this, but Haechan’s heart was actually beating really fast saying that. He would never admit it, but at first he was loud on accident, not meaning to do it or cause anyone any annoyance, but with his cute neighbors constantly visiting him at his door, he started doing it on purpose just to see your pretty face that he pictures when he’s rearranging a random girls guts, wishing that it was you in their spot.
“H-Haechan....” curse you for stuttering. he wasn’t suppose to be aware that the nicknames he was giving you were affecting you.
“Why are you nervous, princess?” You glare at him. “What? Did you come because I was right”
“Right about what?” You’re very confused, not sure what he was talking about.
“That you want to fuck me” he leans against the door as he stares at you with a knowing glint in his eyes, almost like he knew that you have been wishing it was you he was fuckjng every day instead of someone else.
“That’s not why I’m here, Haechan” he takes a step close to you, his fingertips trailing on your arm and going up to your face, his thumb stopping at your bottom lip.
“Um-umm.....” you can’t let any words out, feeling slightly dizzy at his touch.
“Speechless baby?” His thumb pulls on your bottom lip, rubbing it back and forth.
“I-I.... I forgot I have to take out my trash” Haechan chucked as you scurried off, watching you almost trip on your own two feet.
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“Mark, I can’t stand him! Why did you have to move in with Jeno and Renjun.” You’re currently FaceTiming with Mark, complain to him about Haechan, again.
“It was cheaper this way, and besides you know I can’t cook and Renjun is basically a chef, especially since he was bored in quarantine and got into cooking and baking”
“I hate him. I hate him, with a burning passion”
“You said that he’s hot, so might as well just fuck him” he drives his attention away from you to open a bag of chips, making you more angry.
“Are you on my side or his?!”
“Yours, but let’s be honest babe, you desperately need dick. And if he’s always bringing girls and being loud then obviously he’s good at it” you rub your face, tired because Mark is indeed, not wrong.
“Hi Y/N” Jeno’s voice takes you out of your frustration. You love Jeno, he’s a cutie and a sweetheart — always there to make you feel better when you’re feeling down. His presence just bring you happiness, like a cute little puppy.
“Hi Jeno” Jeno definitely made you forget about your frustration with Haechan.
“What are you guys talking about” Jeno asks Mark as he took some of the chips he was eating.
“Talking about how Y/N should fuck her hot neighbor”
“Oh, you definitely should”
“Not you too Jeno”
“I’m just saying. We’re rooting for you to get that good dick”
“I hate all of you. I could easily replace you both”
“We’d like to see you try to find other people as amazing as us” you would obviously never replace the annoying dorks you call friends, but it doesn’t hurt to threaten them with it a little bit.
“I’m ending this, I’ll call you again later”
“Bye whore” you hang up and sigh. you should definitely try getting new friends.
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You swear this time you’re going to actually murder Haechan.
You’re barely about to lift your fist to his door when he opens it, slightly startling you, “Come inside” he doesn’t even wait for you to come inside, leaving you to close his door yourself.
He has a really nice place. It’s very brightly lit and the white furniture makes it look classy.
“You know, you’re really pretty” out of anything Haechan we’re to talk about with you, him complimenting you is not what you expected.
“Uhh.. thanks”
“I bet you would look prettier underneath me though” and there’s the Haechan you’re familiar with.
“Okay I’ll fuck you” you swear his eyes almost literally popped out of his head.
“Wait, really?” the happiness in his voice doesn’t go unnoticed by you.
“Yeah. I would like to see if all the noises your girlfriends make is because you’re actually good or they’ve only familiar with bad dick and that’s what they like” he’s quick to carry you bridal style to what you’re positive is his bedroom. He throws you on the bed after shutting his door with his foot.
“What do you wanna do first?” He’s in the middle of making out with you, your salivas mixing together.
“Can I suck you?”
“Oh... umm... sure.” You notice that he’s slightly flustered, acting like this is his first time ever doing anything sexual. He’s quick to unbutton his jeans and slide them off his legs, along with his underwear.
Once he’s bare underneath, he tilts your chin, giving you a quick kiss before placing his tip on your bottom lip. He runs his cock in your mouth slowly. You’re quick to pick up your face, eager to have all of him in your mouth. Your jaw burns from the stretch around him.
He pulls you off his cock to bring his head down to your lips, spitting in your mouth before placing his cock in your mouth again.
“Your mouth is so good” Your head bobs up and down rapidly, his cock reaching the back of your throat after finally getting used to his side. Your head bobs up and down as Haechan’s moans escape his lips, sounding like heaven to your ears. He pulls you off his cock again, making you whine since you weren’t done yet.
He smirks at you, “another time baby. I need to be inside you right now.”
He pushes you down on the bed and climbs on top of you, rubbing his cock over your pussy before shoving it in, bottoming out inside of you. Your head spins faster as he fills you up.
“You’re so warm” he teases in your ear, your mind not caring at all and instead being focused on the please you’re receiving. The sound of skin slapping quickly fills the room. Your eyes fluttering shut as your legs shake.
“You’re so pretty, baby” Haechan hisses as you continuously clench around him. Your mind is foggy, Haechan and his cock being the only thing you’re able to focus on. His grunts spill from his mouth as he quickens his face.
He pounds into you mercilessly, fingers clenching your hips tightly. “Will you come for me?” One last thrust is what has you coming undone, your climax washing over you.
You’re whining and gasping loudly, Haechan groaning in your ear as he cums, filling you to the brim. You cry out loudly as his cum shoots inside you. He pulls out of you once he’s finished, cleaning both of you up before tucking your bodies into bed, both of you welcoming a deep slumber.
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jackmfvegas777 · 3 years
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Trans Guy Tips #4; Socially Transitioning
Now this one is a tricky one, and it's a situation almost every trans person has to go through at some point in their life, unless they stay in the closet for life, but if you're planning to come out, and you don't know how to approach the situation and don't know how to judge if it's safe, I hope I can be a reliable guide for you on this journey.
This is usually the first step in any trans person's journey, before they physically transition, (which some don't as well). However here we're talking specifically about trans men.
So while some of the things I say could apply to trans women, always remember I'm writing about trans men from a trans man's point of view, so that's the targeted demographic here.
Once I learn more about trans women's struggles and things they go through, since I don't have the personal experience of it, I will definitely write trans women articles as well, and as well non-binary people.
So let's begin, with a list of important things to keep in mind whilst coming out to the world or at least to your family and close friends.
1. Safety is everything.
Always no matter what.
A good way to test if someone is going to be safe to come out to, is to casually bring it up in in a conversation topic, something like "What are your thoughts on lgbtq people, or specifically what are your thoughts on trans people?"
If they become aggressive and violent about it, and start being transphobic or defensive or any of the signs of bigotry, do not and I mean do not come out to them yet.
If it's a parent, I'd suggest at least wait until you're of age to move out, or have moved out, to come out to them. Sometimes people will get verbally and physically violent towards you if you come out to them and they're not accepting of it, so the most important thing is to always judge the reactions of people, and if they react well, then you can come out to them.
2. Always choose trustworthy people to keep your secret whilst you're in the closet.
There's been a lot of people who trusted idiots who they thought were their friends and they ended up outing them to the whole school they were in, etc. etc. But there was a lot of stories about this happening multiple times.
Make sure the people you tell would take the secret to their grave, especially if you're in an abusive household and can't come out for fear of violence.
3. If you're in a very abusive household, especially one that's openly homophobic and transphobic, as hard it is, please wait to come out as long as you possibly can until you have a place of your own and you're safe for sure.
A lot of people have been known to kick out their own children on to the streets because of them being LGBT, or do much worse...
Now of course these are some of the worst case scenarios, but being LGBT you always have to think about every bad thing that could occur so that you can prevent it.
4. When it comes to actually coming out, I would always recommend bringing a good friend or close family member who supports you, so that you have backup, not only for them to chime in and tell their piece and defend you, but just them being there makes the other person not want to be as violent towards you, because they fear what others will think of them.
If you're coming out to an extended family member or anyone, don't trust to do it alone, always bring a good friend.
5. One of the best ways to come out that I've seen are ways that are jokey and hilarious!
It seems to smooth over and make it a much more pleasant transition for everyone, and usually even homophobic people won't get too mad, they might even laugh!
I've seen people bake cakes with the words "Surprise I'm gay!" on it, things like that.
Just little cute things that are nice to do for your parents or people you're coming out to, but make it a surprise and that you're actually lgbt!
Now remember though, always follow the first rule and make sure safety is priority, but if you know you're safe, but you're just not sure they understand, starting out with jokes helps a lot.
6. The second step you should do after coming out is always try to explain your side of the story.
If there are people who don't let you get a word in, let them know that you have important things to say and that they need to listen to you and then they can say whatever they need.
Explain how it feels to be trans, explain why you know you're trans, of course you shouldn't have to ideally, but unfortunately a lot of people won't understand unless they're given more information, as the subject is completely foreign to them.
I know my grandma specifically reacted so well, all she did was ask me questions about it, and once I answered all her questions, she hummed in satisfaction and she never questioned it again and completely accepted me.
And a lot of times you'll get people who are pretty neutral, people who will call you by your chosen name and gender but don't really totally care as much as you want them to, but they still go along with it and just kind of assume you know what's best for you, which is a really kind thing really.
I've had a few people react neutrally and it's actually relaxing, there's no pressure put on for being gay, either over positive or over negative. but I have to say as a trans person and gay person, and grey-ace person, I love the people who ask questions the most.
I don't mind answering, and it means they're trying to learn more about something they don't understand, which means they have a huge heart and huge open mind.
Some people may get annoyed at the constant questions, but I absolutely adore them.
To me, every time someone asks about me, they're showing interest in my life and my feelings.
7. Next the scientific method.
Look up on any scientific article anywhere, and you'll find studies done on trans men and women's brains.
It was shown factually multiple times, over and over, whenever they repeated it it did it again, that trans men have the same brain structure as cis men, and trans women have the same brain structure as cis women, and non-binary people have somewhere in the middle. This was factually proven, you can look it up, so if they try to use science to defend against you, educate that that science is actually for LGBT rights and has explained how it works even.
8. Try to be gentle when it comes to pronouns.
For a lot of people, especially people of foreign languages where some languages don't have genders, or will have different genders, or other things like that, or even just English speakers that aren't used to saying 'they', or your family not being used to your pronouns yet.
It can take a while, and I know it's frustrating, it could take even a few years for them to finally get it right every time.
It's not supposed to be an attack towards you, it's genuinely hard to reprogram yourself when you think someone is one thing your whole life and then it turns out they're the other thing! So be sure to be gentle with them while they're practising, remind them every time they make a mistake, but remind them gently, as they are trying to do the right thing, they're just slipping up due to habit.
In general, be patient with non-lgbt folks, if we're mad at them, it just drives them away, rather than driving them toward us to help and assist us.
We should be grateful for our allies.
9. Once you've come out and your parents probably still have questions, I would recommend sitting down and having family night where you read together some good articles about transgenderism, and LGBT+ in general.
If they're not familiar with it, this type of education can help them a lot to understand the terminology and how to address you, and basic respect for trans & lgbtq+ people.
Overall it's a learning experience for both of you, and it would be amazing to do if they're willing to learn.
Remember that it's a journey for all of us, and everyone has a lot to learn.
10. When selecting your name, I have one piece of advice/a question for you; "Does it spark joy?"
The most important thing, it doesn't matter how odd sounding it is, or differently spelled it is, or whatever your name is, if you enjoy your name, that's what matters.
Always pick the one that calls out to you.
And it's okay to change it from time to time, people need time to figure out who they are!
And with that, I conclude my fourth part!
I hope you were helped by this in any way, and thanks for reading.
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gojology · 3 years
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— Gojo and Nanami | Their Insecurities
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pairing : insecure gojo x gender neutral reader, insecure nanami x gender neutral reader warnings : unedited, probably some misspellings, maybe some cursing, i probably dont make sense at all wordcount : 1703 a/n : this is so bad dear god please forgive me for deeming this as content
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GOJO SATORU ‧₊˚✩彡.
☆ Gojo’s insecure about his lack of bodyhair. His lack of facial hair and arm hair worries him. Being babyfaced wasn’t something positive in his eyes- no, he wishes he was physically more masculine.
   Your eyes meet his, the sun rays bathing both of you in an orange filtered light. His mouth is slightly opened, skin flush to the touch. After a night of intimacy, your ready for another round, pushing your palm towards his forehead. “Good morning, Satoru.” you say, voice slightly wavering even in the most private presence, without the formalities and what not, he’s surprisingly normal, and it’s taken you a bit to adjust to that. He’s warm, but it’s the good kind of warm, and it shows on his silly, dopey smile.
    You guess it wasn’t the time for more sex, so you resist your urges, directing the energy to something else.
    Gradually, your palms find themselves on his cheeks, and you pinch them slightly, giving him a look you hope is loving- because you really do mean it. Your rest assured, as the curve to his swollen lips grew even wider. The sounds of bird chirped as your fingers danced across his jawline, finally at your final stop, his chin. 
    You tip his chin up, and sure enough, hickeys are adorning his neck. A feeling of joy and honor fills you for a brief second, you were the one that was allowed to see him vulnerable, given the pass into his locked up heart. He finally breaks the silence between the two of you, pushing away your slack hand delicately. 
    It’s peculiar, there’s a tremble to his lips, like he’s scared, or about to burst into a fit of tears. You think it should be the other way around, but here you were, arms held close to your chest, looking at him with a mixture of curiosity and anticipation, bated breath preventing you from questioning the sudden change in tone. 
    “Hey, um, Y/N, weird ass question, but, am I hairy? Like, wooly mammoth hairy?” 
    You can’t tell if it’s sarcasm or not.
    Trying not to make a face, you shrug your shoulders. “Well, I mean, not really. You’re actually pretty nonhairy, in terms of uh... The average-” you pause, realizing how drastically his face fell. “-But I do like non-hairy guys! Who would wanna date a wooly mammoth anyways? Hey, baby..” you coo, giving him a tiny peck on the cheek, fluttering your eyelashes.     “What’s this about? Hey, you know, you can just be straightforward with me, I don’t mind.” 
    He doesn’t take a moment of hesitation, exasperatedly blurting out, “Does my lack of.. Hair, bother you?” but it seems he regrets it, your cheeks puffing up, stifling a giggle. Yet, he maintains the bone-chilling eye contact, his eyes are as vivid as ever, so blue it looked like the entrance to heaven. Your immediately lulled, whatever he was going to say was definitely urgent.
    “W-What? Are you being serious?” covering your mouth, your voice is muffled, but his face looks absolutely terrified, and you relish in how funny he looked. It wasn’t everyday that he was genuinely frightened, well, maybe he didn’t show it often.    “Of course not! Why would I be even remotely worried about bodyhair when I have something way more eye-catching in front of me?”
    The shock turns into a sheepish smile, returning for a second time, your heart melting instantly. He takes a long, deep breath, exhaling the tension away, tugging at the covers to go over his chest. You hadn’t realized that he had stolen more than half of the blanket for himself, but you don’t make a fuss about it. 
    For all the weight he carried on his sagging shoulders, you’re sure the warmth is appreciated. 
NANAMI KENTO ‧₊˚✩彡.
☆ Nanami thinks he’s a boring person, through and through. Outside of work, he doesn’t see why anyone would want him. Some days, he wonders if he should pick up on Gojo’s personality, telling jokes and being sarcastic and what not.
   The fine, white porcelain Nanami had gifted you was beautiful, to say the least. Nanami frequently shone it until it glimmered in the light, wiping any smudge or speck of dirt that dared to get on his beloved tea set that he gifted to you a few months prior. Gold trim, alongside depictions of birds fluttering about, and your favorite flowers. It’s perfect for you, and that’s why he had gotten it. His eyes had instantly brightened, picturing your beaming face as you served the two of you some tea.
   But he wonders, would you be happier if he perhaps gifted you something more up to date in comparison to the porcelain? He had enough money to buy you the world, bags, jewelry, he’d often used to hear stories of his co-workers giving their wives expensive, well, anything, and they’d be over the moon. A sudden realization grew inside of him at the thought of this:    
   Was he too out-of-date?    
   The thought went rampant in his usually collected mind, twisting and turning at night, only the sound of you, deep in sleep, could calm the troubled man down. As a consequence to his overthinking, he got little to no rest, and if he got little to no rest, his eyebags would turn their ugly, sneering faces in his direction.
     And so, as he’s baking tea cakes to go along with the afternoon tea the two of you would routinely drink, he’s going deep into depth of himself. He’s a good worker, good at...
     What was he good at? Aside from work, he can’t see why he’d be of use. Nanami acknowledges he’s stoic, which may be good in some cases, but often, everyone runs away from him because he appears as scary with those cold, calculating eyes. As opposed to Gojo, everyone enjoyed how lenient of a teacher he was. Well, Nanami isn’t sure on that, maybe aside from Megumi, Nobara, and Yuuji, everyone hated that. Regardless, him and Gojo don’t share something in common.
     Gojo has humor, and he doesn’t. 
     So why did you like him? 
     Nanami’s subconsciously drumming his long, bony fingers against the counter, eyes studying the ceiling like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. Steadily, an acrid smell completely overwhelmed your senses- now, you’re hacking into your arm, and finally, Nanami comes back to Earth. 
     He blinks a few times, like he’s drinking in his surroundings, before he realizes the tea cakes are completely burning into a crisp.
Now, he’s on heightened alert, yanking open the handle to the oven and fanning out the flames with a random oven mitt he had hastily grabbed for. Beads of sweat are developing on his skin, before finally, you rush in, still hacking up a storm with a large pot of freezing water in your shaking hands.
     Nanami curses himself for ever appearing as informal, but then he remembers he’s infront of his significant other, he didn’t have to put on an act. His face relaxes, and he opens his mouth to speak, to apologize, but he’s paused- by you. You raise your palm up at him, the other hand opening up a window looking over the garden.
      “Nana.” he freezes completely, the affectionate nickname was specially reserved for confrontations like this. You spoke softly, which, for some reason, was significantly worse than you screaming into his ear. Your eyes follow suit, staring at his collar, loosening his tie. He winces, but Nanami’s not sure why he does. You had touched him millions of times, so why was it now that he didn’t accept it?
     “Yes, my love?” he finally breathes out, wrapping a strong, gentle arm around your waist just loosely. You place your thumb just below his lower lip, your index finger rubbing his plush lips all at the same time. The exchange is purely affectionate, yet, he’s still tense. 
    “What has gotten into you?” you murmur. 
    “I- Nothing, darling, I’ll bake another-” 
    “No.” is all you say before you grab him by the chin, unwavering. Usually, those piercing eyes of his are emotionless, something shocking. The eyes are the gateway to the soul, so why is it that it’s blocked off? But you guess it wasn’t the case here, he stared back with the same level of intensity, fear and peculiarity. You stay in that position for a little, savoring just how much you must mean to him, it wasn’t everyday he was vulnerable and let you inside.      Your breathing is heavy, eyelids heavy as well due to his routinely ruckus every night, but you’re determined to erase any trace there was left of that.       You kiss him. It’s sloppy, yet chaste. A fight for dominance usually occurs between the two of you, and almost routinely, Nanami wins, but this time, he lets you do the work. 
   Your lips never once trail away from his own. Heavy breathing through nostrils, hands roaming where it shouldn’t at such an early time, but who gave a fuck about the rules? It wasn’t a workplace, and you’d never let it be one. He clings onto your figure, you savor his muscular physique. Not once do his hands not roam, your flesh was his, and his was yours. 
    Finally, you pull away, heat rising to your cheeks, tears are beginning to dawn on your glassy eyes. “I’ve listened to you roll around in bed every night, mumbling shit about how you don’t see why I’d want you. You better donate your eyes and brain to charity right now.” 
   This wasn’t the reaction, or beatdown he was expecting. He flinches at the vivid image he got of you gouging out his eyeballs. “...Why must I do that? 
   “Because, you don’t use them, obviously. If you took a fucking second of your life to look deeper into your personality below the surface level, you’d see how fucking amazing you are and I love you for that.” 
   Shaking your head furiously, you shush him up yet again when he finally decides to speak up, tears are beginning to spill down your cheeks. “Shut up, Nana. Shut. Up.” pulling him in for another kiss, your hands grabbing at his shoulder like he was going to let go. 
   But he never did. 
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caretaker-au · 3 years
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CHAPTER 10
Bright light spilled into Chara’s vision as the world manifested around them. Their body—heavy and fragile—struggled and dropped them to their knees.
As they fell forward Chara caught themselves with their hands. They stared out at their small, feeble fingers that were splayed on the lavender colored floor, each digit tipped with a dull, flat fingernail. Where were they? And what was that awful pounding sensation? They pulled a hand to their chest. That’s right. Their heart. No longer made from monster magic, Chara’s human flesh felt comparatively sluggish and dense. The body they were never supposed to return to. Chara crossed their arms and gripped themself tight. Fierce emotion flooded through their body: a touch of grief for their own death, relief for their survival, and most of all, rage.
“Asriel…” they breathed, their voice a shaking whisper, “How could you?”
After everything they had done, after all that they sacrificed for him, Asriel had betrayed them. Again. As he always had. It didn’t matter how hard Chara worked or how many timelines they chased, their wretched partner threw away everything they had to protect accursed humans. This time was the worst, however. Asriel’s betrayal ended in orchestrating a shared execution.
“You really hate me that much?” Chara’s voice was little more than a shaking growl. They wanted to scream, to declare that they wouldn’t allow it, that they would find someone else who would respect them and carry out their plan. But they didn’t believe it.
“Chara?”
A small voice broke through the fury. Chara looked up and saw them. A child hesitating in a stone doorway just ahead of them: Frisk.
The child’s expression relaxed into a smile, “I’m glad you’re okay.”
Anger flashed across Chara’s face. They pulled themselves to their feet, wavering slightly. They staggered towards Frisk with heavy steps, increasing their speed into a run. Frisk’s eyes widened for a moment before they scowled. The child braced themself and held out their arms, “Chara, stop!”
The caretaker grabbed Frisk by the collar and wrenched them up against the doorframe. The kid’s teeth chattered as their skull thudded against the stone behind them.
“Why?!” Chara barked, hatred seeping from their every pore, “You took everything from us! Our lives, our future, the salvation of all monsters!” Frisk turned their head away, clenching their eyes tight as Chara berated them. “Nothing was stopping you from leaving. So why?” Chara demanded, “Why did you return? To mock me? To torment me?”
“No…” Frisk answered quietly, “To save you.”
Their answer didn’t make any sense. Chara stared back, unable to even articulate a response. Instead, they slammed Frisk against the wall again. “Liar!” Chara cried out, “You expect me to believe that?”
“It’s the truth!” Frisk squirmed and pulled on Chara’s hands to no avail, “Escape isn’t worth anyone’s life. Not even yours, Chara!”
Chara’s fists clenched tighter around the slack of Frisk’s sweater. With a heave, they tossed the child to the side. Frisk splayed across the floor with a grunt.
“You are wrong,” Chara huffed, “And you… are a fool. Did you not learn the first time? I don’t care about your mercy.”
Frisk pulled themself to their feet. They straightened and returned Chara’s frenzied glare with a quiet gaze.
Chara continued, “I will not stop. This time I’ll take the souls, ignore you, and escape to the Surface. There, Asriel and I… we’ll…” Chara trailed off as Asriel’s face crossed their mind again. They sank to the floor, the air feeling heavier and heavier. “That traitor… he will never… he will never cooperate.”
The realization was like a knife twisting in their gut. Even with his betrayal, Asriel was always the most devoted. No one would be able to replace him. Despair crept into their heart as Chara realized they needed him more than Asriel needed them back. Chara had considered Frisk their greatest opponent, but it was Asriel who truly stood in their way.
Chara’s vision swam, so they turned their head away from Frisk, their hair falling in front of their face. Knowing the human was seeing them like this made their skin crawl, and they wished the ground would swallow them up. As Chara spoke, they held their breath to keep their voice from shaking. “Leave.”
Frisk hesitated, surely coming up with a response. Mockery? Pity? Chara wouldn’t bear it.
“Out of my sight! Now!” Chara shouted; their roar made the air tremble. Frisk didn’t wait to be told again. The sound of scuffling footsteps faded from earshot, and soon Chara was alone in the silence once more.
Finally, Chara let the tears fall from their eyes. They were disgusted with the way their breath hitched and sobbed no matter how much they tried to stifle it. Asriel did this to them. Asriel would have to pay.
Chara indulged in several minutes of sickening self pity before they finally wiped their face. Looking around, it took Chara a moment before they registered just where they were. They were deep within the Ruins, just outside the chamber Frisk had fallen into. But that didn’t make sense. From Chara’s experience, time could only be turned back to the most recently fixed point. Frisk should have been returned to just before their battle, perhaps in the jail. Instead, here they were, back to the moment they first met. Was Frisk not confined to the same limits of time travel?
Chara shook their head. They couldn't think about this now. Only one thing mattered: Asriel’s punishment. Drawing the will to stand, Chara pushed themselves upright to follow the child.
In one way or another, Frisk had made it past all the traps, through the house, and—presumably—out the exit. It was for the best; Chara couldn’t stand to cross paths with the child again. Inside the house, they paused to collect a large padlock they had stored in a table drawer. It was heavy and nearly the size of a text book with ornate designs engraved across it. The lock was imbued with abjuration magic, made specifically to lock the Ruins after Asriel was nearly killed by the human years ago. The lock would render any door unbreachable by human or monster, and Chara held the only key.
Chara carried the device with them into the basement, down the hall, and to the large exterior doors that lead to the snow draped forests beyond. The doors were slightly ajar, revealing a set of footprints that dotted the snow off into the distance.
Chara sighed, taking one last look at the snowy view, before pulling the doors shut. For decades, the lock had only been placed on the outside, removed only when Chara came through to patrol the ruins or escort monsters between Home and Snowdin. Today, for the first time, the doors would be locked from the inside with Chara within. They looped the padlock through the handles of the door, and when they snapped it into place, the doors shuddered and clamped together with a jolt. Chara traced a fingernail down the seam of the two doors. No one would be passing through without their permission.
Confronting Asriel directly was not an option. After all, any progress made with Asriel could be undone by Frisk. Not to mention they weren’t even sure what they could tell him. Asriel’s traitorous inclinations were buried deep into his core, waiting until Chara was at their most desperate to stab them in the back.
But there was one tactic that Frisk would be unable to interfere with. Silence. If Chara withdrew to the Ruins without a word, Asriel would surely blame himself for Chara’s sudden absence. Chara knew Asriel well: he’d beg for Chara’s return and apologize for things he didn’t do, all the while ignorant of his traitorous compulsions. Cruel, perhaps, but nothing was as cruel as what he had done in those erased timelines.
Chara checked their phone. They already had one message from Asriel inquiring as to when they’d return home. The caretaker marked it as read before slipping it back into their pocket.
---
As predicted, Asriel came to the door and stayed all night long. Knocking, calling, pleading-- Chara relished each pathetic attempt at reconciliation. He deserved to be confused, heartbroken, and alone, just as Chara was. Over the course of the day Chara received messages from Asgore, Toriel, and many other monsters. They all asked the same thing: Are you okay? Do you want to talk? We found this human named Frisk, do you know them? Even Muffet demanded an explanation. Chara would have to deal with her later.
Leaving everyone wondering and begging for answers was the only power Chara had left. Word was getting to the monsters in Home as well, evidenced by the additional messages piling up on their phone. Chara ignored them too. Eventually they would realize they were trapped on this side of the door as well, unwilling hostages in Chara’s scheme.
No matter. The monsters deserved to be trapped. Every one of them was just like Asriel: eager to please and sentimental to a fault. Chara had devoted their entire life to serving them and in return they never offered to help collect the souls that would free them. In fact, Chara had to resort to time travel to push them in the right direction for just an ounce of support. They all deserve to rot in this dark, claustrophobic hell.
---
“So you just let a human walk on by?” Muffet inquired in a sing-song voice, “That doesn’t seem much like the great caretaker at all!”
The two of them were sitting in her parlor, each on a lavish chair. A full tea set complete with baked goods sat on a low table between them, though Chara knew better than to partake in it. Spider legs stuck out of the scones like coarse hairs, and they couldn’t even imagine what the tea had been steeped with.
“Yes. Well.” Chara said, looking down at their lap, “There is not much I can do about it now.”
“Oh yes, I imagine the sweet thing is the new royal favorite, aren’t they?” Muffet’s fanged smile turned up in a mocking grin, “The queen has always had a soft spot for filthy little strays. You know that better than anyone, right, dearie?”
Chara bit back a retort. With time no longer under their control, they had to be careful while inside of her lair. It had been a week since they sealed the Ruins, and Muffet was the only person they had spoken to since. The crime lord wasn’t their first choice of confidant, of course, but she had been insisting on meeting and they knew better than to reject her invitation.
“I suppose so,” they responded softly.
Muffet giggled to herself, then suddenly reached for the plate of cookies between them. It was only after she grabbed a couple treats that Chara realized they had flinched when she moved. They tried to relax but the attempt only made them more tense.
“So, is that why you locked the exit? Had a bit of a falling out with the in-laws?”
“Something like that.” Chara frowned, “I’d rather not talk about it.”
“Oh of course, a lady like me wouldn’t dream of indulging in distasteful gossip! Instead, I have a business proposition~”
Chara straightened. In their current circumstance, they didn’t have much in the way of influence or leverage.
“How can I be of service?” they asked.
“I want to relocate,” Muffet paused to bite into one of her cookies. It sounded... crunchy. “You see, the Ruins are awfully drafty, and the cold isn’t good for my constitution. I was thinking about moving in the next year or so, but now that you’ve so... graciously sealed us all in here, I predict the traffic in my shop will be slowing down considerably.”
“Understood.” Chara nodded, “I will make an exception for you and open the d—”
“I wasn’t finished, Chara.” Muffet said, her voice lowering. There was a tense pause before she smiled again, “I want a limousine~”
“A—A what?” Chara asked, incredulous.
“A heated limousine that will chauffer my employees and I all the way to Hotland,” she gestured to the spiders that skittered between the tea cups, “A necessary luxury to ensure we make it safely through the biting cold of Snowdin. Should be a simple task for a monarch, correct?”
“Of course. Leave it to me.” Chara smiled, “Is that all?”
“Not much for business, are you, Chara?” Muffet smirked, “This is where you negotiate the terms of the agreement~”
“No need. I am happy to do this as a gesture of goodwill.” Chara outstretched their hand—it wasn’t trembling anymore, thankfully—and Muffet gave it a dainty shake.
Once Chara was safely out of Muffet’s lair, they heaved a sigh of relief. Somehow they had managed to leave in one piece despite Muffet’s attempts to bait them. Now they just had to figure out how to serve her outrageous demands. Chara fished their phone out of their pocket, dismissed several dozen missed calls and text notifications, and opened their address book. They were going to need to call in some discreet favors.
---
One month had passed since they sealed the Ruins. It wasn’t easy, but Chara managed to arrange for Muffet’s departure without alerting the Dreemurrs. Eventually, the royals found out the Ruins door had been briefly opened which led to a fresh barrage of calls, messages, and knocking on the resealed door, all of which Chara ignored, of course.
Chara walked the streets of Home late at night, the crystals in the ceiling sparkling above. They could feel the eyes of the monsters on them, but after weeks of Chara ignoring and scowling in return, the monsters had given up on approaching them. Wordlessly, they did their weekly shopping at the local market. As a member of the royal family, Chara had never needed to pay for any necessities, and it seemed the benefits even extended here. It was only fair compensation, of course. After all, Chara was still serving the undeserving monsters by patrolling the Ruins every day for human threats.
---
“Ugh, really?” Chara muttered. They were nearly done with their patrol, having reached the large trap of spikes that was circled with a moat. Chara pushed down on the edge of the spike panel’s pressure plate with their foot, but the spikes failed to retract completely, the deadly points standing out by a few inches. It wasn’t a good sign: the springs inside were starting to give out. And if the springs snapped while Chara was standing above it…
Chara shuddered. They had witnessed that messy result and they didn’t care to experience it first hand. Typically, Chara would order replacement parts and perform maintenance themself, but the machinist that created the pieces was in New Home. Unsealing the door again was out of the question.
“Of course this would happen now,” Chara grumbled. They moved their foot off the plate and the spikes shot back into place. How many more compressions would it tolerate before it broke? Before Frisk came to the Underground, Chara could risk it and undo any unpleasant accidents, but if the past five months were any indication, Frisk was not nearly as eager to manipulate time. In fact, time had been rolled back only two times since Chara let the child go.
It was inconceivable. How could Frisk resist the urge to erase the inevitable little mistakes that ruined every day? Embarrassing moments, broken tea cups, scraped knees… all could be fixed in an instant with the right application of their power. To have such power and yet choose to carry the weight of their failures—it defied reason.
More importantly, if Chara suffered a tragic accident while isolated here, no one would come to their rescue… whether through time manipulation or otherwise.
“Unfortunate.” Chara said to themself with a resigned sigh, “I will have to dismantle them. All of them.” They turned around and headed back home. While they didn’t have access to their machinist anymore, they did have a few hand tools and plenty of time.
---
Eight months had passed since Chara had let Frisk go. As they walked the path of the now defanged Ruins, they revised and repeated their old plan over and over. If they could just get one more soul to replace Frisk, they would have the seven required to break the barrier and purify the Surface. The only thing missing, of course, was a willing monster to absorb them.
They reached the end of their patrol: the entrance to the Underground for lost, unlucky humans. The chamber was empty, as it had been every day since Frisk fell in. Chara walked into the center of the room and stared up into the vacant darkness looming above. One hundred years had passed on the Surface and only eight humans had fallen in that time. How long would it take for another to arrive? Ten years? Thirty? Without the help of their powers Chara could very well die before seeing the next human soul.
Chara turned to leave, but did a double take as they glimpsed a glimmer of gold on the ground. They kneeled and pushed the grass aside to reveal a small yellow bud, barely beginning to open.
“It cannot be…” Chara breathed, “A Golden Flower?”
Golden Flowers were common on the Surface, but had no presence in the Underground. Chara was so sure of this that they had incorporated them into their original plan over 20 years ago. By requesting to see the wild flowers on their deathbed, Chara could ensure Asriel would cross the barrier with their corpse in tow.
Or at least, that was what should have happened.
Chara clenched their teeth at the bitter memory. It was the first of many perfect plans ruined by Asriel’s cowardice. The caretaker grasped the plant and ripped it out of the ground by the root.
Immediately, Chara felt a pang of regret. They stared down at the pathetic thing. Their favorite flower, somehow growing in this dark, sunless prison. When had it taken root? Did some seeds blow in from the Surface? Or were they brought in by a... passenger?
Chara shook their head. Regardless of how it was introduced to the Underground, it was now a part of the Ruins—their Ruins. It didn’t deserve to suffer for Asriel’s mistakes. Reflexively, Chara attempted to turn back time, but nothing happened.
With a sigh, they returned the flower to where it was and buried its roots back into the soil. The stem was bent and it wouldn’t stay upright, but weeds were resilient. With a little help, it might still make it.
---
Chara hesitated before their latest masterpiece, knife in hand. Resting on a serving plate was a beautiful, hand crafted chocolate ganache cake. Strawberries perched on top of the silky dark topping, and the intoxicating aroma filled the house. Somehow, even without their powers, it had turned out almost too perfect to eat.
Emphasis on "almost". Carefully, Chara slid the knife through the decadent construction and placed a slice on their plate. They paused to admire the moist cross section before sliding a fork through the end and taking a bite.
Absolute bliss.
"Not bad for a humble birthday cake," Chara said to themself. They were thirty-seven today. Chara looked across the dining table into the empty living room. The only sound was the fire crackling in the hearth, emitting heat for a one person abode. They wished this house wasn’t nearly identical to the one in New Home; the similarities made it too easy to imagine Toriel in her chair, Asgore in the kitchen, and Asriel leaning on the table with his elbows, big goofy grin on his face. The Dreemurrs loved birthdays, always spending weeks preparing for a large and lavish party.
This was the first birthday they had spent alone since they were thirteen. They had forgotten how miserable it could be.
Chara checked their phone. They had over one hundred notifications that had come in just today. They scrolled through to find the only contact that mattered: Asriel.
“Happy birthday, Chara!!” the message read, “Mom and Dad and I are thinking about you lots! We even got you a gift, so I hope we can give it to you one day! Wherever you are, take good care of yourself, okay?” A line of party and heart related emojis followed.
Chara read the message over and over. Asriel’s texts would always fill them with disgust and hatred, but not today. Instead Chara just felt… lonely. It was a pathetic, shameful feeling, but a true feeling nonetheless. Despite all the ways Asriel had disrespected them, Chara couldn’t hide from the fact that they missed him.
The caretaker allowed themself to vocalize a thought they had been pushing out of their mind for months. “Maybe…” Chara spoke, their soft voice breaking the quiet, “Maybe it is time to go home.”
They sighed, resigning themself. The eternal silent treatment was never a realistic plan, and while Asriel was the intended subject of the punishment, it was unpleasant to Chara, too. Scrolling up through his messages, Asriel had sent hundreds upon hundreds over the past year begging them to “just talk”. All had gone unanswered. The confusion and desperation in those messages were clear; he was perfectly primed for a reconciliation.
But Chara wanted more than reconciliation. More important than companionship was freedom. Freedom not just for undeserving monsters, but most importantly, freedom for themself.
“There is still a way,” Chara muttered to themself, “I simply… pushed Asriel too quickly. Asriel always responded better to a softer approach.” Chara stood, pacing.
“We will delay soul fusion until the end of my natural life. Nothing barbaric or tragic. My dying wish will be to live on within him. He cannot turn down my final request.”
Chara nodded, they could see it now. After a few decades, Chara would peacefully pass from their old, frail body into Asriel’s strong, youthful one, a benefit of his species’ long life span.
“Then we gather the rest of the souls. But not right away. Asriel will need some time to adjust to sharing a vessel with me. But he will with time. Perhaps even the child can be convinced to willingly donate their soul to the cause.” Even though Frisk wouldn’t be a child anymore, it was hard to imagine Frisk as anything but a meddling brat. Honestly, they’d probably still be a brat in thirty years.
“If not, that is... fine. The child can be suffered to live.” The decision was a reluctant one, but giving mercy to such an undeserving creature gave Chara a pleasant feeling of self-righteousness. After all, it didn’t really matter if Frisk lived or died. The important thing was purifying the Surface and breaking the barrier. One human would not make a difference.
“Yes. This will work.” A smile crept onto Chara’s face and their heart thrummed with excitement. They would return to Asriel, who would embrace them with utmost relief and joy. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and Asriel had shown no signs of giving up on them.
Chara would enjoy a long life in the company of their loved ones until the day they would embrace their prophesied purpose as the Underground’s savior.
It would require patience, but their splendid utopia was once again within reach. They began planning their grand return.
chapter 10 // end
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soft--dragon · 3 years
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Tree House Bros
Based on the headcannons some lovely people on discord and I discussed at an ungodly hour and I wanted to write something because the ideas we thought of were too adorable not to :D Jam and Anakin, this one’s for you guys ✊✊✊ Let’s goooooooo
Word Count: 1,964
Warnings: None
This is a SFW tickle fic, if you don’t like that then don’t read :)
Charlie wouldn't be ashamed to admit that he has grown closer to Tommy. The boy was the human embodiment of sunshine, putting up a facade of brashness but really being soft underneath. He loved physical affection from his friends, something Charlie had been ecstatic about finding out. Hugs, hair ruffles, cuddles, Tommy was always willing to accept them. Charlie also discovered that praise would make the boy glow happily, so he took it upon himself to make sure he complimented the boy whenever he interacted with him. 
Charlie once proudly swept the boy up in a bear hug, yelling "LOOK AT THIS CHILD! THIS CHILD IS AMAZING!" All the while Tommy was flushed red but laughing at Charlie's loud claims. 
Charlie adored the teenager he'd managed to get so close to lately, to the point where he considered him his little brother. He'd been careful not to outright say that however. Wilbur always got scarily overprotective of Tommy whenever someone dropped the sibling bomb. His was more terrifying than Techno when he was in 'Big Bro Wilbs' mode. 
Still, Charlie thought of himself as Tommy's brother figure, alongside the multiple other people Tommy had cluelessly managed to adopt as siblings. And being a brother figure means there are certain rules and requirements you need to meet. 
One of which is knowing how to deal with a sad Tommyinnit. 
Charlie had started developing what he liked to call a 'Tommy Is Sad' radar and found the boy crying underneath a tree. He'd done what any good brother would and pulled him into a hug, comforted him, then helped him fix the issue that was causing him to be upset. Once that had been cleared up, Charlie had looked at the tree they were sitting under and decided right then and there that this would be the spot for them. 
The look on Tommy's face when Charlie revealed the tree house sitting in the oak tree branches would be a forever treasured memory. He'd hugged Charlie tightly, on the brink of tears that he quickly reassured the older they were purely from joy. The treehouse became their official meet up area. Anytime they needed each other for comfort, to vent, or to just hang out, the treehouse was the place to go. It had a massive slime plush that worked a beanbag for them, a large fluffy rug covering the floor and golden lanterns hanging from the ceiling. A chest sat in the corner stuffed with snack foods and drinks, their favorites of course. The treehouse was a treasured place for both of them. 
One day, Charlie was talking with Eret, then suddenly went stiff as a rod. 
"Charlie?" Eret blinked, "you good?"
"My T.I.S radar is beeping" Charlie said, turning on his heel and scanning the land quickly. 
"Your...your what?" Eret asked incredulously. 
"My brother needs a hug" Charlie rushed out his explanation, his eye catching a red and white shirt a little ways away. "Bye Eret!"
He bolted straight towards the sight of the bright sleeved clothing, leaving a very confused and slightly amused Eret in his wake. Charlie quickly approached the small cluster of trees where he spotted Tommy, slowing down so he could scan the area carefully. After walking a little further, he finally found the boy. He was curled in a ball underneath one of the tall trees, arms wrapped around his knees tightly and shoulders shaking. 
"Tommy?" Charlie crouched in front of the boy, cautiously reaching out to the boy. 
The boy flinched at his voice, tightening his grip on himself. "G-Go away Charlie" his voice shook with the broken, scared request. "P-Please I don't want to s-see anyone right now…" 
Charlie's heart ached when he heard a choked sob, Tommy hunched in on himself as he tried to muffle himself. Charlie bit his lip, looking down at the teen worriedly. He was clearly distraught, 
"Buttercup, can I pick you up?" Charlie asked softly, praying the boy said yes. He desperately wanted to hold his baby brother close and never let go until his tears had disappeared. 
Tommy raised his head slightly and Charlie felt his heart drop. Tommy's eyes were red and brimming with tears, his lip dented with bite marks and cheeks streaked with tear stains. He took a shaking breath in then nodded, slowly uncurling from his ball to raise his arms out to Charlie. The man gently looped the boy's arms around his neck and hefted him up. He held Tommy close who instantly pressed his face into Charlie's neck, taking in shallow breaths.  
Charlie's worry spiked further and quickly made his way to their treehouse. If anywhere could help the boy calm down it was there. 
Charlie was more than grateful they installed a pulley lift as the way to get into the treehouse. He gently set Tommy down on the large slime plush, placing his hand on the boy's head and brushing his thumb over Tommy's hair. 
"I'll be right back, gonna get you some water and snacks okay?" 
Tommy only nodded, curling in on himself again, sinking into the plush. Charlie dropped down to the chest and took out some cookies and water, quickly returning to his brother. Tommy was trying to dry his tears, only causing them to spread across his already stained face. Charlie dropped down in front of him, taking out a washcloth from his inventory. 
"May I?" He asked gently, holding up the cloth. 
Tommy studied it for a moment then nodded slowly, lowering his hands from his face, sniffing. Charlie placed his hand underneath Tommy's chin to tilt his head up. With gentleness only a brother could possess for his sibling, he carefully washed the tears from Tommy's face, apologizing softly when Tommy flinched slightly at the coolness of the damp material. 
Once Tommy's face was cleaned, Charlie offered him the water and cookies. They sat silently, Charlie keeping some distance between himself and Tommy in case he wanted space. Tommy nibbled on the baked goods, sniffing occasionally. 
"Are you gonna be okay?" Charlie asked quietly. 
Tommy swallowed his mouthful and flicked his slightly bloodshot eyes over to Charlie. 
"Yeah...no...I don't know…" he mumbled, subconsciously making himself smaller. "I don't know why I just broke."
Charlie looked at him sympathetically. "Some things can just pile up sometimes, it's nothing to be ashamed of Buttercup, it happens." 
Tommy smiled a little at the nickname but it disappeared as soon as it came. "Yeah it just never usually happens to me." 
Charlie watched his brother for a moment then opened his arms, holding them up. "C'mere." 
Tommy shuffled into the embrace, clinging to Charlie tightly once he leant against the older. Charlie wrapped the boy into his arms, holding him securely and firm but with the warmth and love Tommy deserved. 
"It happens to everyone Buttercup" Charlie reassured quietly. "It doesn't matter if it's common or not, breakdowns tend to sneak up eventually and it's healthy to have a bit of a cry every once and awhile." 
Tommy squeezed Charlie to him, nodding into his shoulder. "I don't like it though."
"And that's okay, I'd be a little concerned if you did" Charlie promised, then smiled and put on a Texan accent. "Have to lock ya up in the old prison cell for liking da breakdowns aye mate? Lil bit coo coo in the nogan for that one if ye ask me." 
Tommy giggled slightly into Charlie's shoulder making the older internally coo. The boy's giggles were the sweetest things you could hear. 
"What's got ya giggling like a hyena Tommy? Was it something I said? Nothin' funny about being thrown in yee ol' cell is there?"
The reply only got Tommy giggling more which in turn made Charlie chuckle. 
"Oh no! Seems I got a case of the giggles too! It's an infection! Tommy you're spreading a giggly disease! This is terrible! I must find a cure before it takes over the server!"
He gently spidered his fingers over Tommy's stomach and lower belly, grinning at the muffled squeal Tommy gave. 
"I think I've got it Tommy" Charlie began dramatically, "I think the cure is to tickle all the giggles out of you."
Tommy's laughter went higher at Charlie's words. "Nooooohohohoho" he groaned but his light hearted tone peppered with giggles let Charlie know he was okay. 
Charlie kept it relaxed and gentle, wanting Tommy to feel comfortable right now. Though he wanted the boy to laugh, he didn't want to exhaust him further by wrecking him. He gently pulled Tommy's back to his chest, hugging him from behind and softly scratching around his lower belly and sides. Tommy melted into the tickles, tipping his head back to rest against Charlie's shoulder as giggles spilled from his lips. 
"This okay?" Charlie asked, running his nails over Tommy's stomach. 
Tommy's giggles picked up slightly, sinking further into Charlie's chest. "Yeheheah" he murmured, "fehehehels nihihihice." 
Charlie felt his heart melt at the boy's words. How could one teenager be so cute?? 
Charlie massaged his fingers into Tommy's ribs, smiling when he squeaked through his giggles. He pressed into the divots and muscles of his ribcage, chuckling as Tommy squirmed against him. 
"Lehehess plehehease" Tommy pressed out between his heightened giggles.
Charlie complied instantly, moving back down to the sides of Tommy's stomach, wiggling his nails gently. Tommy melted into the touch, giggles calming again. 
"Thahahanks" he smiled up at Charlie. 
Charlie nudged Tommy's head with his cheek. "Of course Buttercup, only gonna do what makes you comfortable."
Tommy flushed slightly and a warm feeling blossomed in his chest at the genuine consideration for his feelings. Instead of answering he pressed his face into the crook of Charlie's neck, trying to hide his red cheeks. Charlie seemed to catch it however and cooed. 
"Naww, gotten a bit pink there Buttercup, you are so precious."
Tommy shook his head. "Nohohoho" he groaned, "I'm not." 
Charlie chucked, Tommy able to feel it rumbling from how heavily he was leaning on Charlie's chest. "I think everyone on the server would disagree with you on that one Buttercup, but whatever you say." 
He took a hand from Tommy's midsection to run it through the mop of curls on Tommy's head. Tommy arched his head up into the touch like a cat, a content hum emitting from his throat as his eyes fluttered closed. 
Charlie smiled at the sight. "Sleepy Buttercup?" He asked softly. 
"Mmmm" Tommy slurred, cuddling closer to the older. "Sleepy time?"
"Of course, I'll be here when you wake up" Charlie promised. 
Tommy smiled softly and nodded. "Okay...night Big C..."
"Sleep well Buttercup." 
It was a peaceful silence for a few minutes. Tommy leaned further into Charlie as his breathing evening out. His previous crying episode tiring him out and the gentle tickles easing him into sleep. Charlie kept gently carding his hand through his hair, messing with the blonde curls. 
'Suck it Soot' Charlie thought with a fond smile, 'bet you've never seen Tommy like this before.' 
Charlie opened his communicator and sent through a photo of Tommy sound asleep against him to Wilbur.
Pollen Boy
*Image file*
Hehehe look at himmmmm
He's so sweet Wil no wonder you adopted him as your little brother
Wiblur Scoot
Stop stealing Tommy Charlie >>:(
Pollen Boy
No <3
Wiblur Scoot
He's meant to be my Tommy
Pollen Boy
Sharing is caring Wil
Wiblur Scoot
He's my little brother
Pollen Boy
I like to think he's our little brother :D
Wiblur Scoot
Don't even think about it
Pollen Boy
Too late
I'm gonna get us matching hoodies
Wiblur Scoot
d o n t u d a r e
Pollen Boy
:3
I'm gonna get him socks too
Wiblur Scoot
CHARLIE NO
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howlingday · 3 years
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jaune's from a family of raiders
well not quite he's from a culture that puts a lot of stock in capturing and ransoming off their friends and neighbors from other tribes. think of it like a combat sport only some times you're also stealing cattle and horses.
he's a prince of the high king
well again it's more complicated the kingdoms are like city states they don't exactly legislate or collect taxes all the way out into the wilds. but they do send huntsmen to protect the area and then tax the huntsmen.
jaune's dad just happened to be a huntsman who didn't pay taxes because the area his family had lived in for generations also happened to be outside the control of vale. and lots of people wanna live near the huntsmen who can keep them safe. so he has a position of respect among all the tribes. and jaune is his son
he's also required to have a harem
this one is interesting because it's one of those cultural things that seems weird from the outside but makes more sense when you look at it. men are hard to keep alive without a hospital. even with aura. women are part of a protected group like children and so take less risks in life. leading to there being a ton more women than men. and since technology isn't quite to the level of the kingdoms proper,
well more hands to help maintain a house isn't bad right?
but most of all jaune is a man who only wants to do right by his family, whether that be those from the past, or the woman, or women, that he loves.
and this part needs no further clarification
tldr: au where jaune's part of a tribal community and brings his lover or lovers home to meet the family. how does that go for everyone?
P.S: also sorry for the flowery ask, i felt inspired by something
Ooh, do tell the inspiration!
"Unhand me, you brute!" Jaune sighed as the girl in white screeched and squirmed behind him. "Do you know who I am?! When my family hears of this, they will hang you for this! Do you hear me?"
Jaune kept his focus on the road ahead as he gripped the reigns of Valorie, his mare, glancing left and right occasionally to avoid an ambush. His family might have a hold on the territory, but with his father growing in age, so, too, did that grip loosen. A rival tribe or rogue patrol from the kingdoms would easily snatch up an easy target like the lone swordsman and his latest bride.
"Could you at least tell me where we're going?"
"Home." Jaune answered, not looking back.
"Oh, yes, of course! How could I not know? And where exactly is your home?"
"Just up ahead."
"Uh huh, I see, and what are you going to do once you're home?"
Jaune let out a long sigh as he stretched his shoulders a bit. "Well, drop you off with the others, then have you judged, if there's enough time."
"Judged?" Weiss raised an eyebrow. "Judged for what?"
"Wife material." Weiss blushed and her jaw dropped. "Can you cook; can you clean; are you good with children; can you have children; do you have any family illnesses?" He shrugged. "Routine wedding discussions."
"W-Wedding?!" Ah, and just like that, the shrieking began anew. "You savage! You brute! I refuse to be treated like some stock taken to auction, about to be sold to some pervert noble!"
"You're not being sold to a noble." Jaune smiled and looked back. "Just me." Before she could begin again, Jaune let out a sigh of relief. "Finally, we're home."
It may have only been about a week since Jaune had left, but it felt like forever since his departure from the lands of Arcadia. The valleys and hills were as green and lush as ever, and the summer winds carried the calming scent of flowers across it all. He passed the growing crops, where he saw his sisters, their wives, and some of his own watering and tending to them. They waved to him, and he returned one to them.
"Welcome home, Miss Weiss." The girl marveled at the beauty. She had only heard of such places from her studies in the manor, but to see it in person was something else. Before she could admire it more, however, the mare stopped, jostling her from her focus.
Jaune slid down, then pulled Weiss down as well, carrying her bridal style. He then set her onto her own feet and untied the binds on her wrists and ankles. She lifted her leg, then kicked his shin. He yelped in pain.
"That was for the kidnapping!" She shouted.
"Yeesh! Just a kick?" Weiss turned to see a lilac-eyed blonde woman in fieldwork garments smiling at her. "When he dropped me off, they had to get his old man to get me off of him." She looked past Weiss to Jaune. "You going soft on me, or just your taste in women?"
"And who are you?" Weiss spat. "One of his whores?"
Yang laughed and placed a sweaty, mud-encrusted paw on her delicate shoulder. It felt warm at first, then hot as her grip became tight, and her eyes red. "I dare you to say that again."
"Yang, stop it!" Weiss and Yang looked to the younger girl running from inside the house. She was a brunette with red tips and silver eyes, and she wore a red apron that she had to roll up to her shins. She futilely tugged on the blonde woman's arm. "Jaune told you not to hurt anyone else!"
She let go, making the girl yelp as she was lifted with her arm. "Aw, c'mon, Rubes, we were just playing!" She then looked to Weiss, her eyes lilac once more. "Ain't that right, Ice Queen?"
"Ice Queen?!" Weiss balked.
"Yang, cut it out, please." Jaune sighed.
"Fine, fine!" Yang turned around, lowering her arm. The smaller girl let go as she walked away. "Besides, the crops won't grow themselves. I'll go be a good workhorse." She stopped to look back and winked. "I expect my carrot tonight, though, sweetheart~."
"Play nice and we'll see." Jaune responded with a smile. With that, Yang chuckled and resumed walking, swaying her hips for a few more yards before jogging back to the field. He looked to the younger girl and smiled. "And how have you been, Ruby?"
She sighed. "Do you mean after you left, or after you came back?"
"Both."
"After you left, I missed you. It was your mom's birthday, but I couldn't afford a present, so I took on her chores for the week, but I didn't expect her chores included chimney cleaning, so now I have soot so far up my nose, I'm still sneezing black. Then I had to tend to the chickens, but they're so vicious, and I swear they can smell weakness, because the rooster jumped me at least six times. Then Zwei needed a bath, but he somehow tricked me into the tub, so I smell like wet dog a little bit. And then I had to bake her cake all on my own, but there were eggshells in it and it came out both burnt and raw somehow, and I just- Argh!" Ruby collapsed into Jaune's torso. "I really missed you."
Jaune held her and kissed the crown of her head. "I missed you, too, Ruby." He stepped back and held a hand outward towards Weiss. "Ruby Rose-Arc, this is Weiss Schnee. She's going to be my newest bride." He looked to Weiss. "Weiss Schnee, this is Ruby Rose-Arc, my second wife. She and Yang will help prepare you for judging."
"It's so nice to meet you!" Ruby swooped in, snatching the other woman's hands in hers. Her smile was wide and bright. "It'll be nice to have another short girl in our home!"
"No!" Weiss yanked her hands away. "I refuse! When my father hears of this, he'll-"
"Oh, that reminds me!" Jaune walked to Valorie and reached into her saddlebag. Weiss grumbled as she watched him pull out a small, burlap sack. "Here, Ruby. This was part of the dowry, but I want you to have it."
Ruby opened the sack and squealed in delight. "Dust crystals!" She hugged the new woman tightly. "You are the bestest bestie a bestie could ever have!"
"What the-?! Where did you get those?!" Weiss shrieked.
"From your father." Ruby ran inside with her new sack. "In exchange for marrying you, we'll allow him to trade through our lands."
"My father would never-!" Jaune gave her a curious look. "I mean, not to one of his own-!" Her voice grew softer. "I thought..."
"Listen," Jaune placed a hand on her shoulder, "if you don't want to marry me, I understand. Most of the others didn't want to, either. But if you give it a few days, you might learn to love it here. You won't go hungry, you'll be well protected, and I promise you'll be loved every day."
"I just... I didn't think I would be treated like this. By my own family."
"I know." Jaune removed his hand. "Would it be okay if I hugged you?"
"I-"
"JAUNEY!" The two saw a young woman bull rush towards Jaune, carrying a dead boar high above her head. Jaune extended his arms out and caught her, spinning in place at least a dozen times. Blood sprayed around, including onto Weiss and the other two as they embraced. When they stopped, Jaune set her down, giving her a butterfly kiss with his nose to hers. "You're home!"
Jaune chuckled. "Yup!" He peered around her and looked to Weiss. "And I brought back someone new."
Nora turned around and gasped as she looked at Weiss. "Oh! My! Dust! You are so small!" She looked to Jaune and waggled her brow. "Be careful you don't break her!" She then laughed. "I'd shake your hand, but, uh, I'm a little busy. I'm Nora Valkyrie-Arc, Jaune's fourth wife."
"Weiss Schnee." Blood dripped from her hair. "And I was just about to leave."
"Aw! Already?! We were gonna make pancakes tomorrow!"
"I was going to make pancakes, Nora." Weiss turned to the male voice and saw a slim man in the doorway, wearing both an apron and a blank expression. "Just like I do every morning for you."
"Renny!" Nora cheered before tossing the trophy to him. "This is my first husband, Lie-Valkyrie Ren!"
Despite his slim figure, the man held the heavy beast with seemingly no trouble. "A pleasure to meet you." He nodded, before turning to head inside.
"Is he also your husband?" Weiss asked. Jaune chuckled nervously. This was going to be a long day, but they both already knew that.
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bondsmagii · 2 years
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Do you have any good recipes or cooking tips? I got into cooking last year, made some excellent dishes, and am hoping to continue it! I know you and vestriis both got into cooking as well, so it'd be interesting to hear your thoughts:)
I have been so busy that I have not had much time to cook lately, so I feel like a Liar and a Fraud answering this, but I can maybe give out some tips... I'm not sure if these will be what you're looking for, but the way I see it, cooking is something that a lot of people like doing but struggle to find the time/energy/motivation for, and that kind of gets in the way of the enjoyment because it can easily become a Task. take these as tips for managing the Task, and also probably some random ones I throw in there about like, actual cooking.
plan your menus. if you're wanting to eat healthy, or regularly, or cook more during the week, or whatever it is that you desire with cooking, planning your menu is important. know what you're eating for every meal every week. it's half an hour or so of effort once a week, and it saves time and money and stress throughout the whole week.
your spice rack can never be big enough. my one right now has 32 spots and there's a dozen extra tubs balanced on top because there's no room. there's more in my cupboard. I'm probably going to have to get a second one soon, and even then I doubt 64 spots will be enough.
speaking of which, use herbs and spices!! even on "regular" things! season your breakfast! season your grilled cheese! put stuff in your soups! you can make a really simple meal taste great if you have herbs and spices.
clean up your dishes as you go along. once you get better at recipes and timing, there will be periods of 10-30 minutes where you have nothing to do foodwise. you can clean the dishes during these time periods. it is so sexy to finish a huge dinner and find you only have the plates, cutlery, and cups to wash. so worth it.
butter is your friend. I know that it gets a bad rep for being unhealthy and yeah, sure, if you're putting a whole stick in every meal it probably is, but during day to day useage it's actually healthier than margarines and most oils. fry that shit in butter baby. butter poach it. add it to your mash. you won't regret it.
always salt things. I know this seems silly and obvious but it can be easily forgotten when a bunch of other flavours are going in there. salt will make those flavours better. put a bit in and then a pinch for good luck.
cooking is a lot more fun when the kitchen is clean and you can just grab stuff immediately. trust me on that. cleaning kitchen = not fun but it is very much worth it.
try worcestershire sauce on eggs, if you're not vegetarian. (worcestershire sauce is unfortunately not vegetarian.)
you can get things like meatballs and stew meat to crisp up and hodl their juices much better if you roll them lightly in plain flour and then fry them in hot oil for a couple of minutes before baking/stewing.
finally if anyone has any tips on how to better control portion sizes with soups and stews please let me know. I try to cut down on the ingredients and I think I'm doing great and this will certainly be only two portions and then when it's done I find I've just outdone Jesus feeding the five thousand.
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