Promises you must make to yourself (and keep) when it's time to detach with love
I will stop trying to control anyone but myself.
I will set boundaries with this person, and I will not rescind those boundaries.
I will make those boundaries clear.
I will not give in to temper tantrums, threats, tears, bargaining, guilt trips, or other manipulative tactics. Instead, I will walk away.
I will stop doing things for them that they are capable of doing for themselves, and should be doing for themselves.
I will stop "loaning" them money I know I'm never going to get back.
I will let them be responsible for their own lives, and their own choices, and I will take responsibility for mine.
If it's necessary, I will remove myself and any children and/or pets from the household, and I will get us to safety.
I will prioritize my safety and well-being, and the safety and well-being of any children or pets.
I will not cover and lie for this person anymore.
I will no longer defend or make excuses for their unacceptable behavior.
I will prioritize my needs over their wants.
I will know that I am doing this because I love them and care about them, and I will absolve myself of guilt.
I will cultivate a support system of my own.
I will absolve myself of responsibility for their happiness, their life choices, their behavior, their words, and their responsibilities.
I will regulate my emotions when they try to dysregulate me. I will not lose my cool, no matter how much they agitate me.
If I cannot deescalate them, I will walk away.
I will absolve myself of responsibility for their feelings. I will let them be mad. Or sad. Or whatever else.
I will not bail them out of legal trouble.
I will not bail them out of any other kind of trouble or crisis.
I will no longer give this person second, third, fourth, fifth, hundredth chances they don't deserve.
I will accept that the situation is what it is, and I will stop trying to minimize or deny how bad it is.
I will accept that I cannot change or control them, and I will stop trying to do so.
I will find a sense of meaning, identity, and purpose outside of my relationship with them, or feeling "needed" or "wanted" by them, or anyone else.
I will let them face the consequences of their behavior, and I will absolve myself of responsibility for those consequences.
I will know and understand that I have done my best, and I cannot help someone who won't help themselves.
I will know that, no matter how much they may protest otherwise, I am not being selfish.
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03.03.24 - 3:48 pm
tell me something, anything. tell me that you want me, or tell me if you dont. give it to me straight, i promise that i can handle it, so just stop confusing me. if you truly want me– if you genuinely want to be with me, then im all in. i am willing to give you everything i have. just say it, say anything, please. you dont even have to tell me if you love me, and you dont need to promise me forever. but just tell me that you want to try, just tell me if there is an ‘us’ or even a possibility of a ‘us’... tell me if its ‘you and me’... just tell me. because if you cant, then let me go. and dont even try to put me somewhere in between. you either want me or you dont, its that simple. tell me.
please.
- S.H. // things ive never said #21 (via 2amthoughts)
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