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#sorry this is all just hurt no comfort rn
tonysbed · 2 days
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Pink skies | MV1
Max verstappen x fem!reader
Summary: Max comforts you during grief
warnings: mention of death, angst, depression?
a/n: I’m putting this into the mental health masterlist because grief definitely brought me to my limits in that part. Just remember, grief is proof of love:)
Also writing a Charles Grief comfort rn :))
(listened to pink skies by zach bryan while writing)
mental health masterlist | main masterlist
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Max knew they were dying. You had told him. He knew how much it would break you so he tried his best to be there. He hoped it would happen while he was there for you.
You were sitting on the couch, leaning against Max’s shoulder when your phone rang. You looked over and left out a sigh. You knew why that call was coming in.
You picked up and Max watched you. He watched your eyes tear up, hands shaking and your lower lip trembling. The moment you hung up he pulled you into his lap.
He rocked you in his arms, trying to soothe you at least a bit. He knew he couldn’t do much, Grief being something that not even he could defeat.
You just clung to his sweater, crying and hurting. His fingers gently combed your hair while the other hand was strocking your back.
“It’s gonna be okay” He whispered, knowing it will take time but it will be alright. You will be alright.
The funeral wasn’t any better for you. They always hurt but front rows change everything. Your hand was tightly wrapped in max’s. You bit back tears, not wanting to cry the whole time.
It felt like everything was ripped away from you, leaving you falling down a black hole that never ended. The funeral was beautiful but hurtful. But it made the start of grief. This was the point you would truly realise they were gone.
You stayed at their grave after everyone went home, Max standing shortly behind you, patiently waiting for you to be ready to leave.
Cause in the end, he’d catch you in that black hole. He’ll give you strength to overcome all the pain and gives you a place to store all that overflowing love that comes with grief. And he’d gladly take it.
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A/n: I really don’t like this. Tried to write down my experience but yeah..Also tried to keep it natural on the person who died. My heart is with everyone grieving rn. I know it hurts and it will forever but we’ll be okay.
This is also so short i’m sorry.
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journey-to-the-attic · 7 months
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thot..... its unlikely ik gets out of seven sin things in a row totally fine right? hear me out. what if being in all their inner worlds like that 'stained' her with their sins somehow. so ik gets like an overload of the entire thing?
idk im just rlly over mc constantly and thanklessly doing the most for the brothers in nb so i want ik to get some of that good hurt/comfort too 😭
i really can't tell if you're calling me a thot or if that's your way of writing 'thought'... but, anyway-
yess [rubbing hands together evilly] this is good fodder for angst!! i think it could mix with the idea that being in the past is also taking a toll on her in a more direct and tangible way - like mc and solomon beginning to lose their magic (though... they seem to have forgotten about that in recent lessons??)
i feel like what happened with lucifer during his own Sin Thing probably was a triggering factor... i've said before that ik just kinda goes through nb with a very "fuck it we ball" attitude, because the only way she can cope with the stress of the whole situation is to be super happy-go-lucky about it - and it's been alright so far, because the brothers have taken well to her, but it's not like there aren't moments (especially early on) where she's treated kinda poorly
it'll be better by the time the sin stuff all happens, but all the same ik's kind of on her last nerve, so lucifer snapping on her is just the last straw. of course, at the time, she managed to pull herself together long enough to resolve the situation - and lucifer did immediately go "shit" and start trying to salvage things - but then things kinda got lost with lucifer being 'cured', so i don't think ik really recovered
the 'sin staining' thing is a super cool idea! it makes sense too, since i see the brothers 'inner worlds' as a sort of snapshot of their soul at that point - their deepest thoughts made physical - so it makes sense that ik would be affected by entering them during the Sin Stuff, since i figure there'd be high concentrations of that dark energy or something
i'm not yet completely sure on how her symptoms would manifest, though... i imagine all seven sins combining would make for an absolute mess of emotions, so when she crashes, she crashes hard. might be an opportunity for her to just go genuinely unhinged - constant swinging between moods, between painful clarity, where she's begging for help, and incoherent delirium, where she's so lost in her own head that she doesn't know the difference between hurting herself and taking care of herself
she gets a concentrated dose of each other the brothers' own emotions that led to their own Sin Thing (which i shall henceforth call their singularity, aren't i clever), which would mix with her own anguish about being trapped in the wrong time - plus she'd probably be beating herself up for being 'ungrateful, or else about the sort of things the seven deadly sins would make you think
solomon would probably have to just put her to sleep for her own safety.... i don't think the brothers could just pull the same inner world trick ik used to help them, either, because it's not just an ik thing, it's also all of THEIR things interfering and corrupting her mind. barbatos could do some weird time magic maybe????
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ninjafuuzz · 6 months
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Hoffstrahm AU kinda thing idk
CW for mental health issues and su!c!de
OK LISTEN
What if post-glass coffin Hoffstrahm AU where Hoffman spares Strahm bc he pussies out at the end and couldn’t bear seeing Strahm die after his arm was starting to snap. Hoffman fixes him up (does a lowsy job at it ofc), Strahm miraculously survives the injury , he gets kidnapped and thrown in some cabin in the countryside where Hoffman feeds him and stuff, keeping him alive. Peter, still shell-shocked and helplessly incapacitated, stays with him. So Strahm lives but is so PTSD-ridden he can’t even function normally, he gets paranoia and panic attacks and practically depends on Hoffman like a little child.
LIKE okay I know this is kinda another typical “Strahm-survives” kind of premise for a fic but listen. While Hoffman, who is, at the time, still the cold-blooded selfish murderer that he is, initially treats Strahm like a dog and lets him live out of mere pity, he SLOWLY realises, through his actions, that he actually wants to care and protect this utterly broken man who’s a result of his doings, and inevitably falls in love. (cue the florence nightingale effect) Hoffman begins cooking him meals, from imprisoning him inside the home to walking with him everyday when the sky’s clear, washing his hair, showing him his favorite films or music, letting Peter sleep in his arms whenever he has a nightmare.
I suppose we could imagine Strahm being so traumatised and wounded he’s drained of his usual rationality and temper and that’s why he lets Hoffman baby him. But of course Strahm isn’t COMPLETELY broken. His symptoms lessen, he gets better but still has frequent attacks. After some time he regains his usual wit and nature. At one point of course he simply realises what’s been happening and goes batshit angry. Hoffman sympathetically and patiently works it out with him. Strahm resists at first, perhaps by trying to kill Hoffman and escape or even attempting k!ll!ng himself. After trial and error and lots and lots of blood sweat and tears, Strahm starts realising that Hoffman genuinely cares… and not out of pity, but love. His mental instability and wanted status leaves him crawling back to Hoffman whenever he tries to run away.
Eventually Hoffman stops killing and cuts ties with Kramer. All his resentment and vengeance now replaced by his attachment to Peter. As for Strahm, he takes a tad longer to give in, and to accept the fact that he’s actually content and at peace when he’s with Hoffman and break through the moral boundary(aka the fact that Hoffman used to be a reckless bloodthirsty killer). Hoffman pretty much retires and wants to pursue a different way of living with Strahm.
And after everything, they end up becoming two runaways living in a wooded cabin surrounded by forests and mountains, secluded from a tiny town where they work together among the locals, indifferent to the past they’ve left behind. They’d go hiking and fishing, watch all the shitty films Mark would bring home, plant a garden, cut lumber, play-fight and cuddle in grass fields. Mark tending to Peter whenever he gets a panic attack, Peter learns to get used to receiving such solace. Slowly it becomes this usual, domestic thing between them. Perhaps one day one of them would propose to the other. Perhaps they’d grow old together, too.
-
P/S i was listening to The Bug Collector by Haley Heynderickx when I had this thought. i suppose i kind of saw this poetic analogy between “the bug” and Strahm’s chronic issues and inner conflicts that Hoffman wants to get rid of while Hoffman is the “bug collector” so to speak??.. idk interpret it however you will but this song truly inspired the whole mess. kinda fitted the misty earthy mountains vibe i was going for with this prompt too. really suggest you guys give the song a listen its beautiful. i also suggest checking out the genius annotation of the lyrics
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enden-k · 10 months
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im sorry to hear people are stomping all over your boundaries, big props to you for sticking up for yourself and putting your foot down. I hope you're doing ok (/gen)
on another, hopefully happier note, i noticed your info post mentions that you self ship! I'd love to hear about your favourite self ships if you're comfortable talking about them some time?
i actually never did or had interest in this but then haitham waltzed in so hes the first and only one (this whole thing flusters me so its smth i indulge in for myself in private by reading or daydreaming or sometimes i babble and ramble about him very in depth)
(most hkvthm things i draw is just me going 'wish that was me' and drawing it LMFAO)
ohh also same w kaveh but in a slightly different way than haitham (theyre both the only ones) i want them to hold hands. i want them to hold my hands. there
#i dont feel attraction to ppl irl mostly bc im just not comfortable around ppl#and the ones i am are my friends and theres obv no romantic attraction#so when i saw haitham and learned more and mroe of him and how he and i share so many traits and ideas and things it was#instant comfort and the feeling of being understood#that its like#if he was real i would seek out his warmth and presence instead of getting away frm it like with my ex partners when it was too much for me#knowing that he would understand me therefore knowing how to handle me without making me uncomfortable or upset#uhh so basically. he made me realize all i want is just someone who perfetly understands me and knows how to treat me#when to come close and when to give me space#perfectly knowing me and reading me#i cant speak and in the rare moments i am able to im often struggling to form my thoughts into sentences that make sense#so he would still understand and put together that garbled mess and know exactly what i mean#not misunderstanding and acusing me of things or tones i never said or used#ppl and things messed me up quite a bit in the past that im having trouble w lots of things unless im alone#only when im alone i feel truly comfortable and safe bc nothing can hurt or upset me but even then you kinda realize in some moments that#you actually want someone with you but it has to be smn you trust and who knows you inside out and all that#i dont have anyone like that and idk if i ever will but rn this character is jsut rotating in my head giving me these things i crave and#thats enough#sorry that was a lot of gay rambling there but yea idk if it sounds stupid or nah but my#mental health issues got way better and balanced ever since haitham so he really#grounds me and gives me strength and comfort to deal with things i would have be unable to do in the past year#bc even if i dont have smn who truly knows and understands me#inside me there is someone#reply#tags tbd#in case i get embarrassed LMFAO
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ashfdhfgdsfk · 1 year
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might remake to a new account entirely and change the name i go by
#depresso rant incoming skipp all this if you dont wanna hear it#txt#el/ena might have to become a deadname for lack of a better word sjdhfg#putting the slash because im beyond paranoid now#nothing on this earth is sacred i feel like ive lost the only safe space i had left#would you guys call me some silly name if i asked :-( fuck#shit im so hurt this is the worst#trying to be positive so im not just a huge drag but im so isolated in my real life and as stupid as it sounds#tumblr was becoming a little home id carved out for myself#and i feel like im never going to feel safe here again#but in order to tell you guys about a new blog url ill have to post about it which means they might see it too and uagshfg#and god it doesnt even matter bc my arts out there anyway and a few random 10k+ note posts so theres a chance theyll find me no matter what#and shit i loved so many of my old urls but i cant ever reuse them and i feel like im seriously losing my fucking mind trying to hide#like tumblr and having you guys was the only thing keeping me going through all this shit and it feels like ive lost all of that comfort#this is gonna be the worst fucking birthday ever dude just for that extra cherry on top like i seriously have nothing going for me rn SJDHG#denver and a few lovely mutuals to keep me kicking but oughgf#i feel sick#feel like i need to shower and scrub my soul raw to get this vile ass feeling out#god im sorry to be negative i rlly am i try to keep things cheery round here but im styeadily reaching my limit#and i want to reblog stuff to comfort myself but i dont want to reblog anything in case theyre watching and fuck im so dfjsfgjksfjkgsfkdgh#i could really go for a hug right about now s'all
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youngpettyqueen · 7 months
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Trick AND treat! 😁 You can do two separate ones or combine them. And let Hawkeye take care of and fuss over Charles.
I tried so hard to come up with something for trick but my brain is not braining today. to make up for it, I added 250 words to a very fluffy, very silly idea because this hit me IMMEDIATELY upon getting this ask and it took everything in me to not write this while I was at work. maybe at some point I can come back with an idea for trick?? but I didnt want this to sit in my inbox forgotten so I hope you can forgive me only doing treat, at least for now
The first snow of the year comes, perhaps luckily, when they have children visiting. 
Charles woke that morning to the delighted shrieks and giggles of children, unmistakable in pitch and volume. The sound was so sweet he couldn’t be irritated at being woken up early, not that he’d ever admit that. He made sure to grouse thoroughly about the hour to his tentmates, knowing they’d rib him to lighten up before moving on, but would never let him live a moment of softness down. 
He’s taking a moment, now, to watch. It’s after breakfast, he has a shift to get to, but he knows that post-OP is quiet and can afford for him to be a couple minutes late. The children are running around, bundled in their mismatched winter jackets and too-big boots, donated surplus hats rolled up extra to stay out of their eyes. Some of them are sporting distinctly fashionable scarves, while others form snowballs in distinctly homemade mittens. They make angels in the snow, they make snowballs and throw them at each other, a few of the older ones are demonstrating how to make snowmen. 
They play. They laugh. They smile with missing teeth and genuine joy in their eyes. For a moment, just a moment, they’re children the way children should be. Charles is happy to sacrifice a quiet morning if it means-
A snowball hits the back of his head with a freezing, wet splat. 
Charles goes entirely rigid, snow sliding down the back of his coat and melting in his hair. A roar of laughter goes up from behind him, and he immediately knows just who that laugh belongs to. He whips around to fix Hawkeye with a glare, only to falter as his eyes skip right over where Hawkeye is doubled over wheezing and land on the young boy falling backwards into the snow, laughing and pointing. 
And, well. Who can blame him, if his irritation is snuffed out faster than a candle? Who could possibly be angry at the sight of a child laughing so hard he can’t stay on his feet?
Hawkeye straightens up, hands over his stomach, still laughing that goose honk laugh of his. And maybe, just maybe, somewhere deep down Charles can’t stay annoyed when he sees Hawkeye laughing right from his belly. Because that’s a rare sight these days, and maybe it makes the snow soaking into his shirt a bit less cold.
Of course, he can’t admit to that. Ever. So, he finishes his turn, schools his expression to raise a judgmental brow. “Ah, Pierce,” He greets, “I see you’ve found yourself a playmate. If only they’d take you with them when they leave. You’d blend right in.” He barbs, all huff and no bite. 
Hawkeye snickers, wiping at his eyes, “Sorry, Charles, but I couldn’t resist,” He offers as a weak apology as he hunkers down to help the boy back up to his feet, “Somebody’s gotta teach the kids the sacred way of the snowball fight, and somebody’s gotta be the target! Thank you for your service.” He grins, straightening himself back up.
The boy points at him again. “Gotcha good!” He declares, with a big smile that barely has front teeth.
Charles nods good-naturedly. “That you did, my fine young fellow,” He tells the boy. Looking back at Hawkeye, he suggests, “Perhaps your teachings might benefit from a second demonstration? Say, some return fire?” He stoops down to scoop up some snow in both hands, clapping it all together and starting to form a compact ball.
Hawkeye laughs incredulously at the sight. “Oh, he has some fight in him!” He crows, “What, did you have snowball fighting lessons? A private tutor in snowball form?” He jeers. 
Charles keeps his face carefully neutral as he forms the snowball in his hands. “Your confidence will be your doom,” He warns, straightening himself up, “Any last words?” 
Hawkeye settle into a smug grin, raising a challenging brow at him. “Bring it.” He dares. 
Charles allows himself a smile. He supposes it is fair for Hawkeye to assume he’s never so much as made a snowball, never mind participated in a snowball fight. It would be an activity most would likely assume he views as beneath him. 
They would be forgetting, however, that Charles is an older brother. And wealth and status mattered not, in matters where Honoria Winchester and her insatiable need to peg him in the head with a snowball were concerned. 
Hawkeye doesn’t see the snowball coming until it hits him square between the eyes and takes him off his feet. 
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whomturgled · 11 months
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i have so many feelings and i hate it
#and regrets of any time ive acted up or feel like in hindsight it wasnt cherishing the time i have w them as i shld be and#and things i want to do with them still and ways to love them and be loved and understand their way of loving and#i think we can be so good together and. i miss them. and i hope they miss me.#i really hope theyll miss me soon and want me again and . ik its maybe a little messed up but i want to believe and trust and#its hard and it hurts but. i really feel theres a great connection and if i need to chill out a bit and remember myself more thats fine#and on me for getting so like. moody recently. altho i kinda feel like part of that is med changes but u__u still i need to be able to like#be better and i think they make me better and so happy and. im so comfortable with them and i love them and i wld want to make it work#even if it had to be distance but i dont think i want to just be their friend like maybe but it would hurt a lot bc i love them so much#and i hope they wanna be with me too still and will allow me to romance them yknow flowers and adventures and love and take care and... yea#and maybe some of this was just them going thru a lot rn and im sorry for adding pressure to it and i want to be the comfortable respite an#auurgrgghfhdhdhhfhfdhh i miss them#i just keep thinking abt them like ill have periods of not but then i do again and. idk.#theres also a lot of complicated feelings and thoughts and its like i want to like. idk. know some of their friends n stuff n. :^( idk#i dont feel well from the stress and emotions and ow of it all#i really hope it isnt just a way for them to let me down i really hope they come back eventually like i wanna believe they will but#ourgsghthfhdhfhghghdhdhwkelftk4bfbhwiwjtjejAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i love them a lot. and need to listen more abt more alone time stuff bc it is good for both of us but not like this u_u#ok sorry for rambling i needed somewhere to write feelings so here we are#i guess part of me is hoping theyre thinking abt me at least a bit and maybe will check this and see it and be like wow i do miss them too#but ik thats silly and eitth3u2ieigjtb4jirifjwji24jgntn aahhhhhhhhhhh. i say a lot of things wrong esp when scared or overly emotional and.#urgevshehrhtjrjeitjtnjeeitjtjwjeiigvjiw9384847rhfbwjoe4j4n4j289djrnrnf#i just really really hope they come back soonish and like want me and are like yes i do want you sorry for that but not a huge sorry bc#like i understand where theyre coming from and. and. yeah. idk. soon doesnt have to be today or tomorrow but maybe a week or 2 idk#i just realy miss them and it hurts and i really dont want them with someone else or to just throw it all away andni want to prove i can#like. idk. love them and be better and more positive i guess we've both been dealing w a lot of stuff and i do need to learn to accept and#more patient w how we communicate differently and we do have to face that but its a difficult topic to confront ig and aurh4hwhshhrlffff#i think they love me i want to trust and i really hope they dont try to make any decisions for me or like based on what they think best 4 m#bc i get to decide that :^(#when i said let down i meant like. leave my life and never talk to me again and stuff.. ;^(. idk how to feel abt some things but. idk. idk.#theres so many feelings and that all is just a pretty vague tip of the iceberg ugh
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appreciatingtokrev · 2 years
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two of my fav character dynamics rn are "hurt x hurt, they neither make eachother worse nor better and nothing happens bc they don’t put the effort into it" and "hurt x hurt, they neither make eachother worse nor better but they both heal alongside eachother bc they do put the effort into it"
#hurt x hurt. they both see The Person They Love(d) in eachother and cope by projecting#honorable mention is#that one is already so good if one of them is projecting but if it’s both.. mhmm#then we just have koko x mikey lol. or kakucho x mikey (one of my personal favs)#i mean c’mon#mikey literally fucking looks like izana you can’t tell me kakucho doesn’t project him onto the other#and mikey projecting draken onto kakucho? yes#same with kokonoi projecting inupi onto mikey. or maybe they just find comfort in the misery that the ones they love are lovers now#draken and inupi i mean. obviously#anyways hurt x hurt who heal is any combination of kakucho kokonoi and kazutora#i’m a little insane about those three atm. hope that explains#it’s just. characters who’s name starts with k.... hhh#and i choose to believe that they all have the same but very different issues with the same but very different response#idk how to explain but it makes sense okay#the kazu/koko hurt/comfort fic i’m writing rn helps explaining it lol#i just think they’d find comfort in eachother. they can vent to eachother without judgement and p much be eachothers therapist#bc i am convinced they both refuse to see one#also i obv had to sprinkle the (platonic for this one. actually) tension between kazufuyu into the fic bc. yeah#and then chifuyu took the wheel kazutora mentioned baji and suddenly it’s not just a sprinkle anymore but a whole subplot. welp. it happens#sorry for the shameless promotion (again) of my unpublished fic. i’m really proud of the parts i’ve written yet okay#and they deserve content#they deserve the world actually but yk#can’t give them everything at once now can i#kakucho too. he also deserves the world#i am so insane about fictional men help#tokyo revengers#tokrev
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noxtivagus · 1 year
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hmmm. oh my god my mind is a mess i rlly can't write what i want to rn but i will just Dump
#🌙.vents#YEAH HONESTLY OKAY one reason why fiction comforts me so much is. it teach me so much n let me live through so much more#these characters i. relating to them n seeing parts of myself in them is just. yk rlly comforting bcs i'm. very not social irl.#i get anxious. n typically i find that.. most ppl in like my class or my school or wtvr. yk everyone is interesting n has depth but#i find them. a bit too simple for me. ah.. yeah uhm. sorry remove the 'a bit' it's. by far. so.#hermes rlly. to me bcs he's like. different. felt alone for it. but.. he's intelligent he's valued n. theres a lot of ways to look at it bu#yh then he stands up n does smth for himself for once n he makes mistakes n then after that he sort of just gives up on that part of himsel#'internalizes the lies' THAT PART HURT SO MUCH OKAY. but.. yk fitting in n being 'normal' or wtvr gives a lot of ppl more comfort#but for me it hurts yes but i'd much rather face life for what it is. who i am who i really am. fuck if it's lonely for me#smth from the 1975 w matty on religion? sorry as well i'm.. really not religious. i respect it but please. i'm really not religious.#it would.. be easier yeah if we did believe in some divine being right? believing that there is salvation. that. there's.. yeah#i really just can't bring myself to believe in that. on religion i rmb rn even when i was younger like in lower school even i rlly thought#abt logic behind it. i questioned n wondered why people believed in religion. i really as. very curious abt stuff n life n all that#n growing up i've never really let the outside world influence me too much. no i pride myself in really staying true to myself.#so last year hurt sm bcs i really felt like i was restraining myself too much. i can't exactly pinpoint it rn okay i'm emotional rn but#i rlly felt like my freedom to be myself was stuck somewhere. n then stuff n 'talking too much' so tumblr became yh for me bcs#i don't want to isolate myself but i just.. can't do some things bcs of anxiety? or wtvr there's a lot n then there's also. uh#i still do crave vulnerability n belonging but how do i say this#it's really important to me that. i realize i open up more to ppl that also are able to open up as well. ppl who are like me.#like apollo n online friends n i love my irls too n i hate this bcs yh fine maybe i'm a bit of a ppl pleaser but it's more in a way that#i don't want to be misunderstood. i don't want to hurt anyone. so irl i generally tend to.. hide or restrain myself#take note of 'generally'. but i won't touch on that right now. i think i've been misunderstood before so that's why im sensitive to this#bcs. still having that love n care can coexist with still knowing myself n what works better for me bcs it's so crazy actually how w#several ppl i met last year esp the ones i only know online i cld open up to them more easily bcs they Too can do that n it just#feels so lonely irl i'm just dumping rn it's like nearly 1 am n i'll probably delete this tmrrw bcs i think i'm a bit frustrated right now#not that it's anyone's fault. i'm just. confused right now w myself but i don't mean anything bad by all this okay#i want to just. write. a fictional story rn to calm myself. doing things for myself surely isn't selfish. being myself isn't selfish right?#i can be kind to myself right now too. like other times before. so i will be kind. yes i will be.#there's sm in my head i rlly wish i cld write them all but such is the limit of being human. not too bad tho bcs i have stuff to do#i'll get that done rq n then i'll let myself rest though. until i sleep i'll let myself be at peace n rest c:
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myork · 2 years
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.
#im sorry i clearly need some time#im so happy for them and so happy for everybody who was able to process this in a healthy manner and now feel light and look forward#i cant#im so happy for them and im so happy they’re getting this time they deserve it but at the same time im so sad and i cant process these#emotions rn#ive been having terrible days that turned into weeks and then just the whiplash of laughing at their jokes to suddenly talking about the#hiatus and seeing jimin cry i just#idk what to do idk how to process this how to not feel so heartbroken like i wish i could’ve found them sooner just to make this last more#and i rlly love all of them and im here for all 7 of them but when they said they wont gather together like this for some it broke#something inside of and idk if im being dramatic but this is so hard for me and i have nobody to talk about this with#and idk im gonna go away for a while this is all people are talking about and its not comforting me#denial isn’t healthy but at least it wont hurt#my irl life is changing and i don’t respond well to change#the hardest part of my life till now was 2 years ago and thats i found them and now my life is changing big time and i can’t believe they#wont be together for it#they were the only thing i had that made me happy or made me feel ‘something’ once upon a time#and in a way they still are.#things are changing well a lot of things are and ig i don’t feel ready idk how to express it any better im sorry#i might gif the happy moments or the performance tomorrow but we’ll see 😞
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satorusdiary · 1 year
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dilf!toji being your ex bf
fluff & angst + making up + cuddling + toji not being able to resist you when you look so fragile + toji forever loving you
part 2! - back in love !
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You sent 1:03 am
hey, r u awake?
toji places the cigarette back down on the ashtray, looking at his phone slightly shocked. it’s been months since you and him have had contact, the split up that has happened to your relationship has left a strain in his heart.
why did you text him at this hour? and most importantly, why aren’t you asleep? toji knows how well your sleep schedule usually was.
his friends look at him concerned, the look on toji’s face confusing them even more compared to when he stopped smoking repeatedly just a few seconds ago.
“fushiguro, you good?” satoru questions, patting his friends shoulder as he looks over at his friends phone. he wasn’t able to get a look at the message before toji pulls the phone into a direction that wasn’t able to be seen.
“yeah.. jus’ lemme call someone real quick.” before the rest of his friends could protest, toji is up and walking over to an empty room in the apartment. taking a seat on the bed.
Toji sent 1:09 am
thought i told you to lose my number
now that’s something he wouldn’t text you, he immediately starting regretting sending that message the second you immediately read the message.
you were his sweet little girl. the young woman who he swore he was gonna marry, the one he swore to have kids with.
things were different when he realized how much his life would have an impact on you if you stayed with him.
what’s good about a sweet girl who has a bright future getting with a older man selling illegal substances, that could send him to jail for years and years.
yeah not good at all.
toji knew what’s best for you, and if it meant him not being with you then it was worth it.
because he loved you, and would do physically anything in his power for you to have the best in life.
You sent 1:09 am
i know, i just need someone to talk to rn. i’m sorry
his heart weeps, you still want his comfort even after he has completely broke you, and your relationship with him.
he should be in jail for just breaking you in general.
toji sighs, not knowing how to reply. he wants to comfort you, yet he wants to push you away from his life. push you away from the trouble and the dangers that could happen to you.
he thinks you have given up until you text him 3 minutes later.
You sent 1:12 am
can i call you, please toji?
he couldnt deny it. he just couldnt. his love for you was simply unbreakable even if you weren’t together anymore.
his friends out in the living room are most likely concerned and worried for toji, but that’s the least of his problems. he needs to know if you’re okay, if you’re hurt.
‘incoming call from Toji’
he swears his heart skips a beat when the call goes through.
toji is not one to get nervous. especially with anything in general. but when it came to you, everything comes crashing down. when it comes to you, toji is willing to do anything for you, because you were his girl. his love.
“..hi” your voice is shaky, it seems you’re nervous as well. could he blame you though? this was the first time in months he has actually spoke to you.
“hey.” he replies, hoping you wouldn’t notice the weak tone in his voice as he spoke.
there’s a moment of silence, and soft breathing from your end before toji speaks up.
“are you ok? why’d you call me.”
it’s harsh, his tone is harsh. your eyes begin watering, and you hope he doesn’t notice.
“i-i am just having trouble sleeping, that’s all. ‘wanted your company atleast to calm me down.” your tone has a small strain, as if you were crying for hours before you called him.
it was as if he was able to see your puffy eyes through the screen, he could just imagine it now.
“there’s something else, hm? c’mon tell me, y’know i won’t judge.” especially with you. is what he wanted to say as-well, but he couldn’t get to soft with you now. he couldn’t.
he hears a sniffle from your end, feeling his heart clench once more. as if his heart is dropping to the bottom of his stomach.
“okay.. t-truth is i usually sleep better with you ‘round. but since you’re gone, ‘ts been kinda rough. i just wanted to call you for once, to see if it would help..” you confessed, voice breaking down in between sentences.
toji has an urge to put you down, and hang up. but he couldn’t, how could he resist you? especially after everything he has put you through.
the bracelet on his wrist that has your initials come into his vision. you had made this for him when he was sick, he has never took it off ever since.
“y’want me to come over? not gonna make contact, jus’ gonna be there til you sleep.” he says calmly, he swore he could’ve heard you sigh in relief.
“mhmm, yes please..” you’re still polite, his sweet girl is still sweet around him. that’s what he misses with you.
“alright’ be there in 10. jus know i’m never doin this shit again, kay?” he says harshly, too harsh.
you sniffle again, he could tell your frowning and having tears drop on your phone screen. his heart strings get tugged, and he calms his weeping heart.
he’s hurt you once again.
the call ends before you could say anything else, and he’s out of the bedroom quickly taking his keys. his friends look at him concerned.
“yo, you good?” suguru comments, looking up at his friend who was ready to leave the apartment.
“where you going?” satoru also questions.
toji shakes his head, letting out a deep sigh as he turns to look at his of friends once again.
“gonna be gone for a bit, see ya tomorrow?” he waves them off, and goes out the door before they could reply, or ask anymore questions.
he knows he said he would be at your place by 10 minutes, but he ends up arriving in 5 minutes. quickly at your door step, knocking on the door gently.
just as he predicted, you open the door almost immediately.
when he looks at you, he swears he could break down then and there. on your door step.
your eyes are puffy, you’re wearing his hoodie that he “accidentally” left at your home, and there were dried tear stains on your puffy cheeks.
he wanted to kiss your cheeks badly, and cradle you in his arms. but he resisted.
thats before you crash into his arms, immediately breaking down. hugging him tightly as if he was going to disappear again.
toji breaks, he can’t handle the cold act around you any longer.
“y/n? what’s wrong baby? speak to me..” toji coo’s, his harsh tone disappeared. you automatically feel comfort from his nice tone, something you missed.
there he is, the sweet older boyfriend you have always missed. the man who was your home, your protector, your everything.
“‘missed you s’much toji. miss being with you and megumi, i-i can’t sleep without thinking about how i could’ve been better for you.” you stutter repeatedly.
it was no lie that megumi missed you as well. the boy who is only 3 years old can not go a night without asking where you were, if you were coming back to him without breaking down. because you made the little boy feel loved.
toji’s heart breaks, now he notices how selfish he has been. yes he was protecting you, but he also broke you so much. regret seeps into his body, he wraps his arms around you and hugs you tightly.
“‘s not your fault sweets, you were more than enough for me. c’mon, let’s go to bed.” he murmurs, picking you up bridal style and walks towards your bedroom. the door behind him shutting closed.
the photo of you both happily together was still on your night stand, toji’s heart breaks for the millionth time in the past hour.
his side of the bed was cold, as if you never slept on it. that’s because it felt wrong sleeping on that side, knowing it once belonged to him.
you continue crying as you’re placed on the bed, still in toji arms. he’s careful with you, placing kisses on your face and rubbing your body to give you his heat.
“i-i miss you.. s’much.” you repeat, looking up at him for the first time with clear sight. tears drying back on your cheeks.
he gives you a sad smile and kisses both of your cheeks, sticky with tears.
“i miss you more sweetheart, missed my little girl s’much.. ‘l’ll explain everythin to you tomorrow, kay?” he questions, caressing your cold cheek.
the smile you give him is sad, but could easily melt the coldness in his heart.
after you nod he places a kiss on your lips, before pulling you closer, your head on his chest while is head is rested on top of yours.
the night goes by, and your soft snores fill the room. toji’s eyes are still glued onto the photo of you both, looking so happy, so dumb and in love.
he is gonna make that happen again, only for you. he’d figure out everything else soon, his priority was now you.
“i love you, missed you more than anything. baby.” he whispers quietly, placing one last kiss to your temple before drifting off to sleep.
for the first time in months he is able to sleep with no bad feelings, or any nightmares.
that is because you’re by his side, by his side to push away all the bad thoughts. by his side to make him feel loved again.
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Jujutsu Kaisen masterlist
part 2 - back in love !
a/n: don’t mind typos pls, it’s like 3:47 am😭😭
11K notes · View notes
tetsumie · 9 months
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“𝐘𝐎𝐔’𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐎 𝐂𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐘” — 𝐏𝐓 𝟐
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read part 1 here!
pairing: kuroo x reader & kenma x reader
genre: hurt/comfort
a/n: hello !! sorry for being gone for soooo long D: i wasn’t doing well and was in a really bad place mentally.. (plus burnout 😓😓) but regardless tysm for all the love in the first part of this fic! i appreciate u all sm and i’ll work on getting asks in! thank u for being so patient w me !! luv u :D
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kuroo tetsuro
you woke up late today and weren't surprised that kuroo had already left for work by the time you woke up. but he did leave you a post-it note saying he made breakfast leftovers for you in the fridge.
you smile at the thought that kuroo took the time out of his day to make some food especially in the morning. however, as you're getting ready for the day, your eye catches the lunch bag that's sitting on the kitchen bar countertop.
"this idiot," you mumble, shaking your head with a smile on your face. you pull out your phone and shoot him a text.
y/n: thanks for the breakfast it was really good
tetsu: im glad :)
y/n: also you left your lunch at home stupid
tetsu: oh shit
tetsu: can you drop it off for me? i cant come home to pick up, im in a meeting rn
y/n: yeah that's fine
tetsu: thanks baby ill kiss u when i see u
tetsu: love u 2 the moon and back !!
y/n: ur so weird
y/n: love u 2 the moon and back <3
a few hours pass by and now you're taking the bus to head to kuroo's office with his lunch bag in hand. before leaving the house, you decided to swap his current lunch which was some leftovers with his favorite food, grilled salted mackerel.
you enter his office floor and are greeted by the office receptionist from the floor. "i'm just here to drop off some food for kuroo-san."
"oh yes, right this way," she stands up and opens the office door for you and points out where his room is.
as you're about to knock on his door, you hear his voice from the other side. "i'm not sure if i can come out tonight to eat kenma. y/n probably wants me home, you know how clingy they get sometimes."
your heart sinks to the floor.
has he always thought of me this way? clingy? i didn't mean to act that way? i just like being in his company. i didn't mean to be clingy. i didn't know he felt that way...
"anyways, i'll call you back kenma. i gotta get back to work. see ya later" he ends the call.
you take a deep breath, standing in front of the door, thinking about kuroo's words to his best friend. before you could even knock, the door opens and you're greeted by kuroo.
"oh y/n! you should've texted me you were here!"
you let out a laugh that sort of dies in your throat. "oh um i just wanted to surprise you that's all."
"come in, let's eat together. you can see the beautiful downtown view from here," he tries to usher you inside his personal office room.
you're a little uncomfortable so you hold yourself back from going on, "maybe another time, yeah? i gotta head back. i've got a lot of work to do with college and work and stuff."
"no yeah of course, i get it. work hard! but first..." kuroo smiles and before you can pull away, he kisses you on the head. "i'll see you when i get home. love you!"
too ashamed to even look at him as you walked out of his office, you just wave to him with your back facing him as you walked away.
you're now sitting on the bus on the way home, thinking about the way he called you clingy. "you know how clingy they get.." has he always thought i'm clingy? has he just been putting up with my annoying habits? i thought he liked the way i treated him. i didn't know he thought it was clingy.
you're trying to look back at your actions and now it's all coming back to you.
you're always trying to kiss him, hug him, cuddle him. you're always talking to him about random things from an occurrence at the grocery store to some new show you're watching. literally last night, you both were cuddling while watching a new episode of kuroo's favorite sit-com and you were running your fingers through his hair.
it all made sense.
you were clingy.
and he wanted space.
you were going to respect that.
kuroo comes home later that evening and announces himself with an "i'm home!"
you're on the dining table with the computer open, working on some new assignment and you smile at him. "welcome home," you say with a smile.
he's expecting you to get up and come over and hug him like you usually do but to his surprise, you continue to look back at your computer.
he assumes you're just busy and doesn't think much of it.
kuroo heads into the shared bedroom to unwind from his hectic day at work. he takes a shower and changes into some pajama pants and is now heading back to the living room to see what you're up to.
you're still sitting on the dining table with all your notebooks splayed out and computer open, working on what seems to be some really big project. he plops down next to you and starts squinting at the screen. he starts poking you to grab your attention from the screen.
"the mackerel was really good today."
"that's good."
silence envelops the atmosphere between the both of you until kuroo decides to speak again.
"what are you working on?"
"college stuff."
"maybe take a break now?" he suggests.
"i can't. it's due soon," your voice flat. "if you want dinner, there's some leftovers i made in the fridge."
"alright," he replies, getting up from the chair to the kitchen to warm up some food.
his shoulders droop a little. he was hoping to spend some time with you. but he is aware that something is off with you. he's not sure what it is but he knows something isn't right. you haven't given him a single kiss or even a hug since he's been back and your usual sarcastic remarks are gone.
you've barely even acknowledged his presence.
"maybe it's just an off day?" is what he convinces himself.
but those "off days" are starting to become more consistent.
you're out of bed before he wakes up in the morning and you barely talk to him when he comes home. you always end up sleeping after he falls asleep and he can't even stay up because of how exhausted he gets after work. the amount of physical affection has declined from you and every time he texts or talks to you, your replies are barely existent.
it feels like he's living by himself. when did it get so cold?
on the other hand, you think it's going well! you haven't been all up in his business lately. you're giving him the space he wants. you're hoping that kuroo is feeling much happier since you're smothering him less. sure, you miss getting to hold and cuddle him but this is what he wanted, right?
now that the week is over, kuroo is hoping to spend the weekend with you.
that morning, kuroo sets an alarm to wake up earlier than you in hopes of spending some extra affectionate time with you. however, the moment he wakes up, the other side of the bed is empty and cold.
he has no choice but to get out of bed to see where you are. there's no way you're up right now. at 7 am on a weekend? no way.
he walks out of the room and he feels his heart chip. you're sleeping on the couch, slightly shivering because the blanket you're using barely covers you. have you been sleeping on the couch this past week? why didn't i notice? kuroo begins to internally berate himself right now for letting you sleeping on the couch for this past week right under his nose.
with no hesitation, he bridal-style carries you back into the shared bedroom and tucks you under the duvet cover and comes back into bed.
however, you've already woken up and you sit up on the bed, startled. "w-what? where am i?"
he scoffs, "i brought you in our bedroom idiot."
"oh," you're now grabbing your stuff and climbing out to go back to the couch but kuroo stops you by grabbing your arm.
"where are you going?"
"to the couch?"
"but this is our bedroom?"
"no, this is your bedroom," you emphasize.
"y/n." his tone feels cold to you. "talk to me."
"we are talking, are we not?"
he starts scratching the back of his neck. "yes but you know it's not the same. what's going on baby?"
his hand to tries to reach your cheek to stroke it with his thumb but you turn away and immediately stand up from his bed. "it's okay kuroo, please go back to sleep. it's the weekend, you should rest."
his heart chips at the gesture. why are you avoiding him like this? what did he do? what happened to 'tetsu?'
"it's tetsu to you," he mumbles.
you open your mouth but shut it and cast you eyes away from his stare down at the floor.
"it's always been tetsu to you," he states.
you're still silent and he takes it as his queue to continue speaking.
"baby, everyday i come home from work and you barely acknowledge me. you're always busy doing 'college stuff' or something else. you barely hug me or even kiss me anymore. what happened? what did i do? did i do something wrong? did i overstep my boundaries? are you mad at me about something? please i wanna know what i did wrong so i can fix myself."
your heart softens at his words and you begin to immediately reassure him.
"there's nothing wrong with you... nothing has ever been wrong with you... i just want to work on giving you your space. i know that you think i'm clingy and so i wanted to work on just giving you room to breathe. i know i can be a little too much sometimes. i'm sorry for not realizing how clingy my actions were sooner. i'm sorry i-"
he immediately walks over to you and brings you to his chest, hugging you tightly. your eyes slightly widen. "don't you dare fucking apologize. it's not your fault. shit, it's never been your fault, baby. what made you even think that?"
in embarrassment, you mumble, "i heard you say i'm clingy to kenma. sorry i didn't mean to overhear."
"oh, my love," he pulls away and looks at you with a sad look in his eyes. "it's not what you think."
he sighs and he sits on the side of the bed and taps the bed space in front of him for you to sit down as well. "kenma's been trying to get me to go meet some new volleyball members to affiliate them with the jva and to be honest, i already have so much on my plate with the current affiliates, that i'm really trying to avoid going out for dinner with him. i'm trying to get one of my coworkers to go on my behalf to seal the deal but i can't find anyone willing to."
"i just used your name as an excuse. i swear on my life, i never really meant that. i never ever meant to hurt you."
still finding it hard to believe him, you mumble, "you don't need to lie.. i understand if-"
"y/n, i swear on my mother, i'm not lying," he interrupts. "every single fucking day, the only think i ever look forward to is seeing your beautiful face in my apartment. i look forward to your rambles about the new show you started watching or how the current professor you're shadowing is a douche. i love your bear hugs and i love the way you kiss me all over my face in the mornings. fuck, i love knowing that i get to go to sleep with you every night and i get to wake up to you every morning. i love you, just the way you are. please don't ever change yourself over some fucking lie i said."
"i'm so sorry y/n, so sorry for ever making you doubt my love for you," he intertwines his hand in yours and looks into your eyes. "i'll do anything to regain your trust.
he senses the hesitation in your eyes and honestly, he can't blame you. you've been harboring this guilt for a week and it makes sense that you're still feeling a little uncomfortable around him.
but to his surprise, you inch your way closer to him and hug his chest and the tears begin to fall. his body tenses and he feels so guilty about everything. he rubs reassuring circles on your back and kisses your head every few moments.
after you wipe your tears on his shirt, you look up at him and honestly kuroo hates to admit this but you still look gorgeous even with a tear stained face. he's grinning at you and begins to pepper your face with his kisses.
"love you to the moon and back," he whispers into your ear.
you chuckle and kiss him on the lips. "love you to the moon and back, tetsu."
in that moment, he swears to himself that he'll make sure that you never have to doubt his love for you ever again.
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kozume kenma
as the ceo of his own startup company, a youtube streamer, and a college student, kenma can almost never find any time to himself. the only time he really feels at peace is either when he's asleep or when he's with you.
but sometimes things get so hectic and suffocating, he just wants to be alone, away from the world.
after a long day of classes, you walk into your shared apartment and you can hear kenma talking from his bedroom/home office. you try to keep quiet not disturbing him.
in hopes of cheering him up, you decide what better way to do so by making his favorite food: apple pie. you put down your stuff on the living room couch, grab the apron, and get to work.
kenma stays locked up in his bedroom for the majority of time that you're baking and a part of you just hopes that maybe he'll come out to just say "hi" or just accompany you to see what you're up to but unfortunately he doesn't.
after the pie is done baking in the oven and you've brought him a slice so he can get some food in his system because you're sure he hasn't been taking care of himself. you're hoping that maybe, just maybe, the both of you will finally get to spend some time together.
you knock on the door twice.
no response.
you knock once more and call out his name, "kenma, you busy still?"
still no response.
you sigh, realizing there was no hope in knocking, and decide to twist the knob and enter his room. you're greeted with the sight of him sitting on his gaming chair, knees to his chest, headphones over his ears, and slightly biting the eraser top of his pencil.
he must have felt the presence of someone else in the room with him because he looked away from his computer screen and his eyes widened. he slid his headphones off his ear and hung them around his neck.
"how long have you been home?" he bluntly asks.
"for an hour or two now, i think," you reply.
“oh sorry, i didn’t see you,” he mumbles.
you chuckle in response. “i didn’t think you would considering you’ve been cooped up in your room the entire time.”
“well yeah,” he says. “i’m busy.”
as he’s about to put his headphones back on and get back to work, you speak up. “i know you’re busy but do you wanna eat with me? i made-”
“can we talk later? i don’t have time for your clinginess right now.”
oh.
he puts his headphones on and indulges himself back in his work, not even registering the weight of his words.
you slowly walk out of his room, silently close the door, grab yourself a slice of apple pie originally made for the both of you, and plop yourself on the couch to watch some new show on the television.
after working for nearly hours on end, kenma finally finishes the load of work he had piled. now all he wants to do is just spend some time with you before going to bed. he walks out of the bedroom and is greeted by you asleep with the television humming in the background.
he can't help but let a small smile envelop his features. it's such a domestic sight and he wants to photograph this moment in time.
he knows he said some harsh words to you out of frustration but he hopes that you understand that he didn’t truly mean them.
he goes over and kisses your forehead and he smells the distinctive scent of apple pie and his heart softens at the thought that you made him his favorite food.
he goes over to his bedroom, grabs a blanket and lays it over you and goes under the blanket, snuggling himself closer to you. he hasn't felt this relaxed in a while and your presence is just so comforting to him.
he doesn't know what he'd do without you.
the next morning, you wake up and find yourself in an awkward position and your feel arms wrapped around your torso. you look to your left and are greeted by kenma's sleeping figure and you can't help but smile.
but you remind yourself of what he told you yesterday and you silently get up from the couch and begin to get ready for the rest of your day.
his words, "i don't have time for your clinginess right now", really had sent you into a spiral last night and you were too exhausted to think clearly. did you always come off as clingy to him? you were definitely a bit more energetic and enthusiastic than him but you never thought it was clingy?
you can't seem to think straight so you decide to maybe go out for a walk, just to take your mind off things. you just need some time alone, away from your apartment with him.
kenma wakes up only a few minutes later and he feels cold. his neck is sore, considering how he slept in an uncomfortable position because he wanted to sleep with you. however, to his surprise, he doesn't find you asleep next to him.
as he walks around the house, calling your name, a sense of urgency begins to form in the pit of his stomach.
he dials your number and it goes to voicemail.
he does it again. still voicemail.
he's about to call you one more time until he hears the jangle of keys and the door opening. a sigh of relief leaves his mouth and as you're about to turn your keys to open the door, he's a step ahead of you, opening the door for you.
"oh my god, i thought you went missing," kenma hugs you, catching you by surprise. "where'd you go?"
hesitant to reply, you say, "oh just went on a walk, that's all."
"you should've told me, we could've gone together," he states. "i feel like we haven't seen each other in forever."
"it's fine. don't worry about it."
there's something wrong and he can sense it in your demeanor. as you're heading to the master bedroom, he can see the way your shoulders slump as you put your keys back. he doesn't address your distant behavior, thinking that you're just having a rough morning and it'll get better as the day goes on.
unfortunately, it doesn't get better.
you seem to be fine but you just feel incredibly distant.
kenma's been playing games in his room all day and unlike usual, you're not in his bedroom watching him play or sitting on the bed scrolling through your phone. his gaming experience isn't the same when you're not there.
he pauses his game and goes out to the living room to see you lying down on the couch, scrolling through videos on your phone. he wants to ask why you're not staying with him but he doesn't want to make overstep your boundaries, especially since it seems like you're not in a good mood.
but that's anything from what you want.
you want him to ask you to stay in his room and keep you company. but because he hasn't done so, his word "clingy" began to scream louder in your head and to be frank, that's the only thing roaming in your head.
"do you want to do anything today?" he asks. "you know.. because it's the weekend and we can go out if you want? like going out to eat?"
a part of you began to feel guilty considering he was thinking about what you wanted to do and you hated feeling like a burden towards him. he already expressed his disapproval with you when he said he found you clingy so you didn't want to impose any further.
"no it's okay," you reply, eyes glued to your phone. "i don't want to annoy you or anything.. so i'll just go on my own or something..."
he hums in response but his eyebrows furrow as he doesn't seem to move from his spot. he can tell there's something wrong and you're obviously being very dodgy with him about the subject which is why he decides to take a seat on the couch and snatch your phone from your hands before you can even register what's happened.
"hey give me back my phone!" you sit up, stretching yourself over to grab your phone back from him in a failed attempt.
"not until you tell me what's wrong," he says flat.
you sigh, knowing that this conversation isn't inevitable. you can't avoid him forever "you called me clingy yesterday, kenma. sorry that i don't really want to hang out with you right now."
the words that leave your mouth have kenma in a state of shock. you took that seriously? you really thought he meant that? in order to ease his busy day of meetings back to back, you came home baked him some apple pie to ease him from his stresses.
and what did he do in return? called you clingy when you just wanted to spend some well-deserved time with him. god, he was being so ungrateful. his body fills with guilt when he he realizes you took his comment to heart.
“honey, i-” he starts and then is cut off with your words.
"i understand where you were coming from, i like to show my affection with you through physical touch and i know you’ve never been one to really reciprocate that," you begin to ramble. "so i’m really sorry for pushing your boundaries and i’ll give you the space that you need."
guilt is eating him away and he needs to clear the air now, otherwise you might be closed off forever and he’s not sure if he’s ever going to be able to reconnect with you.
“y/n, honey, don't apologize for this. it’s not your fault at all,” he starts. he puts down the phone onto the couch and grabs both of your hands and squeezes them assuringly. “i'm sorry for pushing you away and calling you clingy. you didn't.. you never deserve to be told that."
his hand finds its way to your cheek and he begins to rub comforting slow circles. seeing the sullen look on your face made him realize that he never wants to see you like this ever again. it was like you had lost the light in your eyes. kenma hated how he had diminished that so quickly by making you think that he didn't like your company.
he loves you so much; he could never imagine what life would be like without your presence.
a small smile begins to creep back on to your face and kenma finds himself in a slight sense of relief.
"it's okay," you finally utter out. "do you wanna watch that new episode? apparently there is so much drama now and i'm avoiding socials so i don't get spoiled..."
he chuckles, "i'll do anything with you."
he knows that he can't take back his words from before but as he's sitting on the couch with you in his embrace, he knows he can show you his love through his actions. he'll do anything to bring back that trust to you.
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© tetsumie 2023 all rights reserved 
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3K notes · View notes
sunkissed-zegras · 8 months
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✮ 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡, jack hughes
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♡ ─ word count | 10.7k (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. UM?? MB?? got a bit carried away with this one sorry y'all)
♡ ─ summary | y/n had always been in love with jack since she was a kid, but he had always chosen everyone else but her.
♡ ─ warnings | kind of mark estapa x reader as well but guess who she chooses in the end??? unedited (i'll edit in the morning y'all i just wanna get this out ASAP) SOOO MUCH ANGST OML, childhood best friends trope, unrequited love (for the most part), description of sex (like two sentences u could blink and it's gone), lots of cursing, fighting (sm of it), asshole!jack, idk they may be more but i'm lazy (promise they're not bad if i'm not mentioning them rn)
♡ ─ taglist | @valluvsu (check link in navigation for taglist form if you are interested!)
♡ ─ ev's notes | WHOOOHOOO! it's finally done yayyaa, i got this done in like two days bc i was so excited. jack hughes is very much gold rush coded, pls argue with the wall if you disagree. but anyway! this is a long one, so strap in!!! so much feelings in one fic lol i'm done, but i'm actually very proud of myself. as always, i'm open to respectful critics as i love to improve my writing for you all!! anyways, pls enjoy this fucking novel LMAOO, and let me know your thoughts!!!
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Jack Hughes had always been the most beautiful person you'd ever seen.
Not just physically, he'd always been one of the sweetest people you'd ever met. He genuinely cared about how you were feeling and listened attentively when you spoke. His kindness and compassion were qualities that drew you to him from the very beginning.
But it wasn't just his sweet personality that captivated you; it was the way he looked at you with those mesmerizing eyes, filled with warmth and kindness. Whenever he gazed into your eyes, it felt like he was seeing straight into your soul, understanding you in a way that no one else ever had. But never in the way that you wanted.
Every time he smiled, it lit up the room any room he was in, and your heart simultaneously. His laughter was infectious, and being around him brought a sense of joy and happiness that was unparalleled.
He'd always been the special one in the room, with his skills on the ice or his undeniable beauty. It wasn't Jack's fault that he had such an effect on people; it was simply a consequence of his charm and charisma. What sometimes made you feel inadequate was the way other girls looked at him, with admiration and longing in their eyes.
Every time you saw him with those adoring eyes gazing at another girl, it was like a dagger to your heart. What hurt most though, was the way he looked back at them. His gaze held a attraction and desire that you craved, but it was a warmth he reserved for them, not ever for you.
You couldn't fault him for it; he couldn't control where his heart led him. You watched him from a distance, silently cheering him on in his pursuits of happiness, even when it meant seeing him with someone else.
Yet, despite the pain it caused you, you couldn't help but be there for him when he needed it. Whenever he faced heartbreak or disappointment, you were the one he turned to for comfort and understanding. It was bittersweet, being the person he leaned on while secretly thinking how you could never ever hurt him the way those other girls did. Your heart ached every time he told you about his the girls, and you would listen attentively, offering advice and consolation. You wanted to be the one to mend his broken heart, to make him see that you were right there, loving him in a way no one else ever could. But you kept those feelings locked away, hidden beneath the guise of friendship.
And you knew he loved you, he truly did. He would just never love you the way you'd always wanted. You felt selfish for wanting more. He was already yours in some regard, others would dream of being that close to the Jack Hughes. You were already an important part of his life, someone he trusted and cared about. Being close to Jack Hughes in any capacity was a dream come true for most, and you felt incredibly fortunate to have him as a friend.
But deep down, you couldn't help the longing that tugged at your heartstrings. You couldn't help the desire for something more, something that went beyond friendship. It was a complex mix of emotions, and you grappled with the guilt of wanting something that might change the dynamic between you two.
It was hard seeing him repeating those mistakes over and over again, and him running back to you wishing he had someone to love him fully and truly, for who he was. You often found yourself on the verge of screaming, wanting to shout, "What about me? Don't you see what's right in front of you?!" But you remained silent, as you always did, playing the role of the understanding friend who listened without judgment.
And each time he came to you with a broken heart, you wished he could recognize the depth of your love, the unwavering support you offered, and the fact that you were right there, ready to love him fully and unconditionally. But it seemed that he was blind to your feelings, or perhaps he was simply too caught up in his own search for love to notice what was right in front of him.
It seemed everyone else saw how much you loved him, Quinn giving you sympathetic smiles and Luke giving you advice. They saw the way you looked at Jack when he wasn't watching, the way your eyes held a mixture of adoration and hurt. They noticed how you were always there for him, ready to offer a comforting word or a reassuring hug when he needed it the most. It wasn't just your words or actions that revealed your love; it was the unwavering presence you provided in his life.
And so, you continued to sit still and listen, even when every fiber of your being screamed for him to see you, to love you, and to choose you. Your love for him remained a silent, unspoken truth, buried deep within your heart as you watched him repeat his relationship mistakes, hoping that one day, he would finally realize the love that had always been right beside him.
He was always grateful for your presence and care until he wasn't. Until he started taking you for granted, choosing his shiny new friends over you.
The pain of unrequited love was compounded by the feeling of being cast aside, as if your friendship and support no longer held the same value they once did. You couldn't help but wonder if he had forgotten all the times you had been there for him, the countless moments you had shared.
It was a painful realization that the person you loved so deeply was no longer the same person who had once cherished you. And yet, you couldn't bring yourself to walk away, holding onto the hope that one day he would remember the bond you had shared and the love that had always been there, waiting for him to see.
──
"Where have you been?!" Ellen, Jack's mom, exclaimed as you walked into the Hughes' lake house. She immediately walked over to you, embracing you tightly.
Over the past couple months, you had declined numerous invitations to Hughes family events over the past couple of months. You had told them that school was taking up most of your time, which was partly true. In reality, you just didn't want to see Jack.
"Just busy with school," you replied, returning her embrace warmly. Ellen Hughes had always been like a second mother to you, and her genuine concern warmed your heart.
Ellen held you at arm's length, her kind eyes studying your face. "You know, you don't have to disappear just because of school, sweetheart. You're always welcome here, no matter what."
Her words tugged at your heartstrings. You knew the Hughes family cared about you deeply, and it pained you to distance yourself from them as well. "I appreciate that, Ellen. It's just been a hectic semester, but I promise I'll make more time for you guys."
The bond between you and the Hughes family ran deep. You had known Jack and his brothers since childhood, and your connection had only grown stronger over the years. You were there for them through thick and thin, and they, in turn, had become an integral part of your life. You'd been close with the family since you were young, you'd been there for the brothers since day one.
From building sandcastles at the beach during summer vacations to sharing secrets by the campfire during family camping trips, your memories with the Hughes brothers were countless. Ellen and Jim Hughes had always treated you like one of their own, and you felt a sense of belonging that was unmatched anywhere else.
As the years passed and feelings grew more complex, you found yourself at a crossroads. You had always been there for Jack, offering your support and friendship without reservation. However, as your feelings for him had deepened, it had become increasingly challenging to hide your true feelings. You couldn't risk damaging the close-knit relationship you had with the Hughes family, especially when you knew Jack didn't share the same romantic feelings.
So, you made the difficult decision to take a step back, to create some distance in the hope that you could regain control over your heart. It wasn't an easy choice, and it meant missing out on moments with the family that had become a second home to you.
Ellen smiled, her eyes twinkling with understanding. "We've missed you, sweetheart. And I know someone else who's been missing you too."
Your heart skipped a beat at her words, and you couldn't help but wonder if Jack had noticed your absence more than you had expected.
"Luke! Sweetheart, look who's decided to show up!''
Oh, you've gotta be kidding me. Of course it wasn't Jack.
Your heart sank as Luke, Jack's younger brother, bounded into the room with excitement. You were confused, you loved Luke equally as Jack (you tried to convince yourself), but Luke wasn't exactly the most enthusiastic person when it came to you. Now, you knew something was up.
"Hey, you," Luke said with a warm smile, giving you a bear hug that nearly squeezed the air out of your lungs.
"Hey, Lukey," you replied, returning his hug with a raised eyebrow. Luke's behavior was unusual, and you couldn't help but wonder if something was going on.
As Luke pulled away, he scrutinized your expression. "You've been MIA for a while. School must really have you swamped."
You nodded, not trusting your voice to betray the mix of emotions you were feeling. Luke was perceptive, and you wondered if he had picked up on your recent distance.
Thankfully, Ellen chimed in, rescuing you from the awkward moment. "Well, we're just glad she's here now! Dinner will be ready soon, so you two catch up while I finish up in the kitchen."
With that, Ellen left you and Luke alone, and you couldn't shake the feeling that Luke's sudden warmth and attention meant that something was amiss in the Hughes household.
"What's up?" You cleared your throat, looking at Luke with a knowing expression.
"Well we all know why you've been really gone," Luke sighed as he glared at you. "You don't have to cut us all of just because Jack got a girlfriend."
"Jack got a girlfriend?" That felt like a dagger to the stomach. Luke's expression, once irritated, softened into one of sympathy as he nodded slowly.
"He didn't... tell you?"
You shook your head, struggling to find your voice. A whirlwind of emotions swirled within you – hurt, confusion, and the sting of betrayal. Jack hadn't confided in you about something as significant as this, and it hurt more than you cared to admit.
"Who is she?" you finally managed to ask, your voice a mere whisper.
Luke hesitated, as if debating how much to reveal. "Her name's Nicole," he began cautiously. "They've been dating for a few months now. It's been pretty serious, which is probably why he didn't want to... you know, complicate things."
You listened to Luke's explanation about Jack and Nicole while a storm of emotions raged within you. The pain of knowing Jack was in a serious relationship was difficult to bear, and the fact that he hadn't told you himself only added to your hurt. You felt like an outsider in his life, someone he had pushed aside.
But then, Luke's words took an unexpected turn, and your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "But that doesn't matter now, you have to move on and I have the perfect guy for you," he said, his tone surprisingly enthusiastic.
Oh, now everything made sense. It was clear that Luke had an ulterior motive, and you couldn't help but feel a little exasperated. "Luke, I appreciate your concern, but I don't think I'm ready for that kind of thing right now," you replied, trying to be polite even though you didn't appreciate the idea of being set up with one of his friends.
They were all fuck-boys from what you've heard. Luke would go into great detail every time you'd call him for an update. You had heard enough stories about Luke's friends to know that they were often more interested in casual relationships than anything serious.
"They were all fuck-boys from what you've told me," you said with a wry smile. Luke had a tendency to share his escapades in great detail, and you couldn't help but be amused by his candidness.
Luke chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head. "Yeah, well, they can be a handful sometimes, but I promise this guy is different. He's actually a pretty decent guy, and I think you'd get along. Would I ever set you up for failure, Y/N?"
You raised an eyebrow, still skeptical. "And what's in it for you, Luke? Why are you so invested in setting me up with your friend?"
Luke's expression shifted, and for a moment, he looked genuinely serious. "Because I hate seeing you like this, distant from the family and hurting because of Jack. I just want you to be happy."
His words touched your heart, and you couldn't help but soften a bit. Luke may have had ulterior motives, but it seemed that his concern for your well-being was genuine.
"And um, well, I have a thing for his cousin." Luke cleared his throat and you couldn't help but playfully roll your eyes.
A playful smile tugged at your lips as Luke admitted his own motives. "Ah, I see how it is. A bit of matchmaking for both of us, then?"
Luke grinned, his boyish charm on full display. "Exactly! We help each other out, and everyone's happy."
You chuckled, feeling a sense of warmth and camaraderie with Luke. "Alright, fine Luke. Jeez, the things I do for you."
Luke laughed, appreciating your willingness to humor him. "You're the best, Y/N. You won't regret it, I promise."
──
Dinner had been ready and Ellen decided dinner would be fun outside. The sun was setting, casting a warm, golden glow over the lake, and the sound of crickets filled the air as the family gathered around a long, rustic wooden table set up on the deck, the same one they'd had a decade ago, when you were children.
You took a seat next in between Luke and Jim, Quinn across from you two and Jack nowhere to be found. Before you could ask, your question was answered.
"Where's Jack?" Ellen asked as she sat next to her husband.
"With Nicole," Luke and Quinn had mumbled in response as they both took knowing glances at you. You couldn't help but sigh, would you always be known the girl who's helplessly in love with Jack?
"Wow, you really outdid yourself, Ellen with this chicken. What did you do?" You tried to change the topic with a smile, as you ate dinner.
Ellen beamed at your compliment, clearly pleased that you appreciated her cooking. "Oh, I found it on the TikTok, it was amazing and so easy! You should start making it, it's so easy for school."
The conversation shifted towards discussing recipes and school, and you found it easier to participate in the lighthearted chatter. As the evening went on, you made an effort to focus on the present moment, enjoying the warmth of the Hughes family and pushing aside thoughts of Jack and his new relationship.
After dinner, you and Quinn helped Ellen with the dishes and you found yourself in deep conversation with them. The warmth of their company, along with the shared memories and laughter, made you realize that distancing yourself from the Hughes family wasn't the right course of action. They had been a significant part of your life for so long, and you cherished the bond you shared with them.
You were so engaged in conversation that you didn't hear footsteps that entered the kitchen.
"Hey,"
The sound of the familiar voice calling out "Hey" made your heart skip a beat. You turned around to find Jack standing there, a somewhat sheepish expression on his face. It had been a while since you'd seen him, and the mix of emotions stirred within you once more. And next to him, you assumed to be "Nicole." She looked sweet and you forced a smile at her.
"Hey," you replied, your voice friendly and polite as you acknowledged both Jack and Nicole. You couldn't help but notice the way they stood close to each other, the subtle intertwining of their fingers, and the affectionate glances they exchanged. It was a painful reminder of the gap that had grown between you and Jack.
"Hi, I'm Nicole," she introduced herself with a warm smile.
"Nice to meet you, Nicole. I'm Y/N," you replied, extending a hand for a friendly shake.
"Yeah, I know. These two don't ever stop talking about you." She laughed playfully and you felt heart start beating faster at the prospect of Jack talking about you to his girlfriend.
"Well it was mostly me─" Quinn tried to intervene before you laughed along with her, he was trying to soften the blow.
"Really? Well that's sweet," you replied with a warm smile, even though a small part of you wished Jack would stop talking about you to his girlfriend. It was a complex blend of emotions, wanting to be close to him but also wanting to distance yourself from the heartache.
Ellen smiled, "Well now that you're here, you all can finish the dishes and catch up,"
You nodded, "Okay, sure. Go relax, Ellen."
"Yep, and me." Before you could protest, Quinn left. He certainly didn't want to be there once you started "catching up." You cursed at Quinn in your head as he left the kitchen, alone with Jack and his girlfriend.
The clinking of dishes filled the kitchen as you, Jack, and Nicole worked together on the task at hand. You decided to break the silence with some light conversation.
"So, Nicole, how did you and Jack meet?" you asked, genuinely curious about their relationship.
Nicole smiled, her eyes lighting up. "We actually met at one of his hockey games. My friend had an extra ticket, and I've always been a fan of hockey, so I decided to go. I didn't know I'd end up meeting Jack Hughes in person but now, here we are!"
Jack nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it was a lucky coincidence. We hit it off right away."
"That's so sweet, right out of a book." You laughed and she nodded, blushing. You couldn't help but smile at their story, even though it felt like a bittersweet reminder of what could never be. You were genuinely happy for Jack, and yet, a part of you couldn't help but wish for a different outcome.
Nicole blushed at your comment, clearly smitten with Jack. "Yeah, it does feel a bit like a fairy tale sometimes," she admitted.
"So, Y/N, what have you been up to lately?" Jack cleared his throat, breaking the conversation away from their relationship. You both gazed at one another and you suddenly felt empty. It had never been like this between you two, he never asked what you'd been up to because he always known.
You forced a smile, your chest feeling heavy as you replied, "Oh, you know, just keeping busy with school and spending time with family." It was a vague response, deliberately leaving out the part about missing him. You didn't want to make things awkward, and you certainly didn't want to burden him with your own emotions.
Jack nodded, seemingly accepting your answer. "That's good to hear. School can be pretty demanding, I bet."
"Yeah, it keeps me on my toes," you replied, trying to keep the conversation light. It was becoming increasingly clear that the dynamic between you and Jack had changed, and it was going to take some time to adjust to this new reality.
Before he could respond, Luke came into the kitchen and he immediately looked like he regretted it. He forced a smile, "Um, is there any ice cream in the... fridge?"
You couldn't help but chuckle at Luke's somewhat awkward entrance. It was clear he was trying to give you and Jack some space, even though the tension in the room was palpable.
"Luke, you know where the ice cream is," you replied with a knowing look, amusement dancing in your eyes.
"Yeah, yeah, I just... thought I'd ask," Luke stammered before quickly retreating from the kitchen, leaving you, Jack, and Nicole alone once more.
As the last dish was placed in the drying rack, you couldn't help but glance at Jack, his profile highlighted by the soft kitchen light. He turned to you with a smile.
"Anyways, Trevor and Alex are coming tomorrow, you excited to see them?" Jack added with a friendly tone, trying to bridge the awkward gap that had formed during your conversation.
You nodded, appreciating the effort he was making to include you despite the new circumstances. "Yeah, it'd be nice to catch up with them. I haven't talked to 'em in a while."
All three of you exited the kitchen and you went to go find Quinn to give him a lecture. That was until you felt your phone buzz with a text message,
luke my friends are here they wanna meet u
Before you could type your answer, Luke gave you another text.
lukejack and his gf aren't here. just come 😑
You rolled your eyes at his attitude and quickly went to go find him and his friends. You quickly found them by the pool and you opened the sliding door, his friends whipped their heads to take a look at you.
"Hey, Luke," you greeted him with a smile, momentarily ignoring the curious glances. "You wanted me to meet your friends?"
"Well you said yourself you wanted to meet 'em earlier," Luke nodded and you got the memo.
You nodded and smiled, deciding to go along with Luke's plan. After all, it was a chance to distract yourself from the complicated situation with Jack and his new girlfriend. Luke's friends seemed friendly enough, and you were always open to making new acquaintances.
"I'm pretty sure you've met Ethan and Dylan before,"
You nodded politely. You had met them when you had helped him move in a few months ago and they were nice enough. "Yeah, nice to see you guys again."
"Yeah, you too." They replied in union, making you laugh.
"And this is Mark," Luke glanced knowingly at you and you instantly knew that this was the guy who had developed a crush on you.
When Luke introduced Mark, you couldn't help but notice the subtle shift in his friends' expressions. It was clear that Mark's crush on you wasn't a well-kept secret among their group. You offered Mark a friendly smile, wanting to make him feel comfortable despite the awkwardness of the situation.
"Nice to meet you, Mark," you said, extending a hand for a handshake. "Luke's told me a lot about you guys."
Mark's cheeks turned a faint shade of pink as he shook your hand. "Yeah, he's talked about you too."
Luke sat back down and you took a seat next to him, right across from Mark. "Oh does he?" You teased him.
Luke, attempting to play it cool, shrugged nonchalantly. "Just mentioned how nice you are, no big deal."
Ethan and Dylan exchanged knowing glances, trying to suppress their laughter. It was evident to everyone at the table that there was more to Luke's mention than he let on.
"Nice?" You couldn't help but laugh and exchange glances with Mark, a grin on his face. He was cute, you had to admit that. He was exactly your type, he looked sweet and had a cute smile. Maybe Luke was a pretty good matchmaker, so far.
"Yeah, he told us how cool you were. And then he showed us your instagram and all of us fell in love," Ethan mentioned, quickly pausing and glancing at Mark before continuing. "Well not in love but we all thought you were pretty. Well, I mean you are but like-"
"I get it," You laughed at his nervous rambling. You took another glance at Mark and gave him a smile, his cheeks turning even redder (somehow).
The table erupted in laughter, and it was clear that everyone was having a good time. Even Mark seemed to have settled into the friendly atmosphere, and you couldn't deny the chemistry you felt with him. It was lighthearted and fun, a welcome distraction from the complicated feelings you had for Jack.
As the night wore on, you noticed that Ethan, Luke, and Dylan began to exchange glances and sharing quiet conversations. It was clear that they had some sort of plan in mind, and you couldn't help but wonder what they were up to. You decided to play along, knowing that whatever they had in store was likely meant to bring you and Mark closer and anything would help to make you forget about Jack.
"Hey, Mark, do you want to check out the lake?" you suggested, giving him a sweet smile. The lake house had always been a place of fond memories for you, and it would be a great opportunity to spend some time alone with Mark.
Mark's face lit up. "Sure, that sounds like a great idea, let's go."
You excused yourselves from the table, and as you walked towards the sliding glass door that led to the lake, you couldn't help but notice the mischievous smiles on Ethan, Luke, and Dylan's faces. They were clearly up to something, you tried to ignore their expressions.
Once outside, the two of you made your way down to the edge of the lake. The moon reflected on the calm water, casting a romantic glow.
"So, Y/N, tell me more about yourself," Mark began, his voice soft and inviting.
You smiled, feeling a sense of warmth in the cool summer night air. "Well, there's not much to tell, really." You chuckled before continuing, "Just trying to finish up school and move to Europe."
Mark's eyes widened with curiosity. "Europe? That sounds amazing. What's drawing you there?"
You gazed at the shimmering reflection of the moon on the lake, lost in thought for a moment. "I don't know, these past months have been hard. And I never thought about moving out of the states but recently, I just wanna let go and start fresh, you know?"
Mark nodded, understanding what you meant. "I get that, a change of scenery can help with that feeling."
You sighed, feeling a sense of relief in opening up to Mark. "Exactly. I just want to explore new horizons, experience different cultures, and maybe find a new perspective on life."
"I've always wanted to go to France, I know it's basic but I heard they had good hot chocolate and had to try it." Mark smiled down at you and you couldn't help but let out a soft laugh.
"That doesn't sound basic at all," you replied with a grin. "I would love to visit France, even if it is every person's dream."
Mark chuckled, his eyes locked onto yours. "Maybe we can both make our way to Europe someday. Who knows, our paths might cross in a cozy café in Paris."
The idea painted a vivid picture in your mind, and for a moment, you allowed yourself to indulge in the possibility. "That sounds like a dream."
A sudden breeze began to pick up and you felt yourself shiver and Mark noticed. Without saying another word, he took off his jacket and quickly wrapped it around your shoulder.
It was a cliche, you know that. But as you looked at Mark, you felt a sense of warmth that had nothing to do with the jacket. His kindness and consideration made your heart skip a beat, something you hadn't experienced in a while. You smiled at him gratefully, the cool breeze forgotten as you were wrapped in his warmth.
"Thank you, Mark," you said softly, your eyes meeting his. In that moment, under the moonlight by the lake, you felt a connection that was unlike anything you had experienced in a long time.
Mark smiled back at you, his eyes holding a glint of something more. "Anytime, Y/N."
As the night wore on, your conversation with Mark flowed effortlessly, you found yourself drawn further into Mark's world, and the thought of Jack and his complicated situation faded into the background even if only for that night. In Mark's company, you were starting to feel a glimmer of hope for the fresh start you had been yearning for.
──
You awoke with the sound of laughter. Your eyes opened groggily and you felt your back scream in pain and it took a minute to realize exactly where you were.
You laid on Mark's chest, a blanket laid out on the both of you. You were on the couch and the memories of last night quickly flooded back into your head.
"Aww, Marky, you got yourself a girlfriend finally!" Ethan exclaimed as Mark tried to cover your face with the blanket, an (failed) attempt to not to wake you. They hadn't noticed you were awake.
"Ha ha ha, so funny." Mark mumbled in false amusement as he yawned.
You decided to remain quiet, pretending to still be asleep, curious to hear how Mark would handle the situation. A smile stretched your lips as you continued to eavesdrop.
"Seriously though, Mark, she's pretty," Dylan chimed in. "You two looked really cozy last night."
"Yeah, yeah," Mark replied, his tone still somewhat defensive. "We were just talking. You guys are reading too much into it."
"Sure, Mark, whatever you say," Ethan teased, and you could practically hear the grin in his voice. "Just talking, my ass."
"My clothes are still on, right?" Mark groaned quietly. "Could you guys be quiet, she's sleeping."
"Awww, Marky!" Ethan let out a booming laugh and you took that as your cue to 'wake up.'
You let out a yawn and pushed down the blanket from your face and they all quieted down. "Good... morning?"
"You have a good sleep last night?" Ethan teased and you tried to ignore the warm feeling in your cheeks as you got up from the couch. Mark frowned as you got up, feeling his body get cool.
You stretched your arms and stifled another yawn before responding to Ethan's teasing. "Yeah, it was quite comfortable here, actually."
"I bet," Ethan replied as he wiggled his eyebrows and you rolled your eyes.
"Okay, well, I'm going to brush my teeth."
"Wait, let's go eat first." Mark quickly replied, making Dylan and Ethan exchange glances.
"Before... brushing my teeth?" You smiled at that. He was cute, for sure.
"Yeah, Mark, let her go brush her teeth. Knowing what you two did-"
"Shut up," Mark groaned as you let out a chuckle. "Yeah, go brush your teeth."
You nodded and walked away from the living room, quickly ascending up the stairs and into the bathroom. The smile hadn't left your face and you felt like absolutely nothing could ruin your mood.
Well, you were wrong.
As you brushed your teeth happily, you heard the familiar noise in the next room other. The rhythmic banging, the moaning─
Oh no, you thought to yourself. You felt your stomach twist in disgust as let out an audible gag. The room next to the bathroom was Jack's and the only couple in the entire house was Jack and Nicole. You connected the dots and you suddenly felt nauseous.
You spit your paste and quickly rinsed your mouth. You needed to get out of there immediately. As you walked out of the bathroom, you bumped into one person you did not want to see.
"Oh shoot, sorry."
You looked up to see Nicole. She looked tired, her red hair messy and her neck filled with marks. They were obviously busy last night and you tried to push the visual of them having sex out of your mind as you forced a smile. "No, you're totally good."
She smiled and gave your shoulder a pat before walking to the bathroom. You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding and let your shoulders fall as you walked down the stairs.
You smelled hash browns in the air, your favorite, but somehow you still felt sick to your stomach. The imagery was still stuck in your head, you felt disgusting.
You made your way to the dining table and took a seat next to Quinn, crossing your arms and he immediately knew what was wrong. Your disgusted facial expression, your annoyed attitude, everything.
"They're like fucking bunnies," Quinn mumbled to you and you looked back at him with a nod. He looked tired, too. It looked like they kept him up and you were suddenly grateful you slept downstairs, even with the ache in your lower back. He put a hand on your shoulder in comfort. "Hey, if it makes you better, he lasts about a few minutes. You wouldn't want that."
His unusual teasing tone still didn't make you better, you knew Quinn was trying his best to make you feel better. You forced a smile and nodded, "Yeah. That's gross."
"What's gross?"
You turned your head to see Jack; his disheveled appearance making you gag internally, knowing what you know. You made eye contact for a few seconds before averting your gaze to the table.
"Nothing, buddy." Quinn responded with a smirk and they both exchanged a laugh. Jack then, took a seat right across from you. Now you literally couldn't move your gaze anywhere else without making it obvious.
Quinn seemed determined to keep the mood light, though, and he continued with the banter. "I heard you and Mark spent the night together last night."
There was a pause and a few awkward glances before he continued, "Um, not like that."
Jack looked directly at you and he had unreadable expression on his face. Confusion? Annoyance? Jealousy? Maybe a mix of all three.
"Well, we just-"
Before you continue you heard Ethan and Dylan's booming laughter as they entered the dining room, plates in their hands. They immediately exchanged glances as they realized who was in the room before putting sitting down with their plates.
"Your mom has food in the kitchen, if you guys... want any." Ethan tried to diffuse the tension as he smiled and looked at Dylan. "Mark's in there, Y/N."
As you got up to find Mark, you couldn't help but exchange a glance with Jack. His expression was hard to decipher – there was a mix of emotions, but it was clear that the mention of you spending the night with Mark had affected him in some way. You couldn't dwell on it for too long, though, as you headed to the kitchen to find Mark.
In the kitchen, you found Mark helping himself to some breakfast. He looked up and gave you a warm smile as you entered. "Hey, good morning."
He quickly noticed your expression and he turned to you with confusion, "Everything okay?"
You nodded, trying to shake off the lingering discomfort from the dining room. "Yeah, just... things got a bit awkward in there. Thanks for last night, by the way."
Mark chuckled, handing you a plate of food. "No problem at all. It was fun."
As you both made your way back to the dining room, you couldn't help but wonder what the day had in store for you, especially with the lingering tension between you and Jack.
You sat down next to Quinn as Mark quickly made his way to the empty seat next to you. Finally, everyone started piling into the dining room and everyone started eating.
The atmosphere in the dining room remained tense as everyone continued eating. Nicole was sitting next to Jack and noticed the slight change in him, he seemed more... moody. You tried your best to focus on your plate and engage in conversation with those around you, but it was hard with Jack's presence so close.
As the meal progressed, you felt Jack's gaze on you, a burning sensation that you couldn't ignore. Finally, after a while, Jack spoke up, his tone casual as he said, "So, Y/N, Mark seemed like a nice guy. How long have you known him?"
Mark exchanged a glance between the two of you, choosing peace and continued to eat.
His seemingly innocent question struck a nerve. You knew he was deliberately bringing up Mark to gauge your reaction, and it irritated you. Trying to maintain your composure, you replied, "Just met last night."
Jack's eyebrows raised slightly, a hint of surprise in his expression as he processed your response. It seemed your terse reply had caught him off guard. Mark continued to eat quietly, not wanting to get caught up in the tension.
After a moment of silence, Jack cleared his throat, attempting to sound nonchalant but failing to hide a hint of sarcasm. "Well, you two certainly seemed close for people who just met." Before you could respond, he continued under his breath, "Didn't know you were that easy."
Quinn kicked Jack's leg under the table and Nicole seemed distressed, too.
You bit your tongue. You clenched your fork tightly, your frustration mounting. "We were just having a conversation, Jack. Is that not allowed?"
Jack's gaze didn't waver as he replied, "Of course it is, Y/N. Just making conversation here because apparently I don't know anything about you anymore."
That really struck a move. He didn't know anything about you anymore? Jack's words hit you like a dagger to the heart. The pain and frustration were evident in his tone, and you could sense the turmoil in his emotions. It was clear that your distancing had affected him more than you had realized.
The tension at the table was palpable as everyone watched the exchange between you and Jack. Quinn cleared his throat, trying to mediate. "Guys, can we not do this right now?"
You felt yourself get more heated as you heard Ellen say something but you couldn't even comprehend it, that's how angry you were. Without thinking, you pushed your chair back and got up from the table. Your voice was strained with anger as you addressed Jack.
"Do you have no idea what it's been like for me, Jack?" You couldn't help but raise your voice, your pent-up emotions pouring out. "You just assume things and make stupid comments, but you don't know the half of it. This distance isn't just about you, it's about me trying to protect myself too."
The room was now filled with an uncomfortable silence, and it was clear that your outburst had taken everyone by surprise. Nicole placed a comforting hand on Jack's arm, silently pleading for him to let it go. Mark, too, looked uncomfortable, not wanting to be caught in the middle of this argument.
Jack's expression had shifted from surprise to a mix of anger and hurt as he absorbed your words. He clenched his jaw, clearly struggling to find the right response. Nicole's gentle touch on his arm seemed to be a calming influence, and he took a deep breath before speaking, his voice more controlled.
Ellen, sensing that the situation had become too tense, interjected again, her voice gentle but firm.
"Let's all take a step back, please? Y/N, sweetheart, maybe you could use a little breather, and we can all reconvene when things have calmed down."
You felt embarrassed as you looked around the room, all eyes seemingly on you and Jack. Feeling the weight of everyone's eyes on you, you nodded, your initial anger having dissipated into a mix of regret and awkwardness. You understood that your outburst had been uncharacteristic and uncomfortable with everyone there. With a forced smile, you mumbled an apology.
"Yeah, maybe I do need a little breather. Sorry about that, everyone." You turned away from the table and quickly exited the dining room. Outside, the fresh air greeted you, and you took a moment to collect your thoughts.
As you stood there, lost in thought, you couldn't help but wonder if there was any way to mend the growing rift between you and Jack, or if it was time to accept that things might never be the same again.
You stayed outside and spent the most of the day alone, outside in the pool trying to get a tan. The boys had all been playing pool inside and you were glad alone.
The sun beat down on you as you lounged by the pool, trying to soak in the warmth and forget about the tension from earlier. The sound of laughter from inside the house was a stark contrast to the solitude you sought outside.
You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, trying to clear your mind. The cool water of the pool offered a refreshing escape from the heat, and you decided to take a dip to cool off and clear your thoughts.
As you swam in the crystal-clear water, you couldn't help but replay the argument with Jack in your mind. It weighed heavily on your heart, and you wondered if there was a way to make amends and rebuild the bond you had once shared.
"Hey,"
You let out a yelp as you heard Mark's voice and he let out a soft laugh as he walked over to the pool, dipping his legs into the pool.
"Hey," you laughed, pushing a wet strand of hair out of your face. "Sorry, you scared me there."
Mark chuckled, the sound light and soothing. "No worries, didn't mean to sneak up on you. Just thought you could use some company."
You appreciated his gesture and nodded. "Thanks, Mark. It's been definitely been a... day."
He nodded in understanding, his gaze sympathetic. "I could tell. The argument with Jack didn't look fun."
You sighed, the weight of it all still pressing on you. "Yeah, it wasn't. Sorry about him throwing you in the middle of it, I don't know what's going on with him."
He stayed quiet as he listened and nodded. You looked at him, waiting for some kind of response. He looked like he was weighing something in his head. "Well... it seems like he's jealous."
Jealous? You blinked in surprise, not expecting Mark to say that. "Jealous? Why would he be jealous?" You knew why, but it hadn't even seemed like a possibility in your mind.
Mark had a thin-lipped smile as he continued, "I mean why else would be an absolute dick about me spending the night with you?"
You stayed quiet, you had no idea how to deal with this. Of course this would happen to you on what was supposed to be a peaceful lake-house trip.
"Can I ask you a question, Y/N? But you have to be 100% honest with me." Mark's tone seemed serious as he spoke and you felt your heart drop. "Have you and Jack ever hooked up? Or like, dated?"
"No," that was the true answer but it looked like Mark hadn't bought it. "Well, I've always liked him." It felt weird to admit that and Mark's expression looked hurt as you continued. "That's why I stopped talking to him. I realized it would never go anywhere and I was still living in my head, it would've never worked out with me and Jack."
Admitting it out loud hurt more than you expected. You would never work out with Jack, no matter how hard you wanted it to.
"You still like him?"
You weighed your options but as you looked at Mark and everything that could happen, you knew the right answer. "No."
──
"Y/N!"
You heard Trevor's excited shout and you turned around, you felt Trevor embrace you tightly. You let out a laugh as he continued hugging you tightly, it had been a couple months since you'd last seen him.
He was always just as close to you as Jack, he was your true best friend. He had been there for you when Jack wasn't.
"Trevor!" You returned his hug with equal enthusiasm, feeling a surge of warmth and happiness at the sight of your close friend.
He pulled away with a big smile on his face, "Wow, why do you actually look good?" He said with a playful flirty undertone, making you laugh.
"Don't know, maybe it's the lack of Jack." As you turned to look behind him, you locked eyes with another close friend, Alex. He smiled and walked up to you; he was definitely the calm one in the friend-group. He gave you a hug before Trevor continued.
He rolled his eyes, "You still on that? Come on, Y/N."
You chuckled at Trevor's playful teasing, realizing that his presence had indeed lifted your spirits. "I can't help it, Trev. It's like a curse or something."
Alex joined in with a gentle laugh. "Well, we're here now, so you don't have to think about Jack for a while."
With your friends around, the atmosphere lightened even further, and you felt grateful for their presence. It was a chance to forget about the tension with Jack and simply enjoy the reunion with your closest friends.
"Oh shit." Alex mumbled, "I forgot my phone in the car,"
"Oh no worries, I'll come with you," you offered, eager to catch up with Alex and have a moment away from the group.
As you both headed to the car, Alex spoke in a hushed tone, "How have you been, Y/N? I know things have been tough."
You appreciated his concern and gave him a small smile. "I've had my ups and downs, but I'm good now. I'm glad you decided to come to the lake house, I've missed you two."
Alex nodded, his expression thoughtful. "We've missed you too. And I know things have changed with Jack, but we're here to support you no matter what."
As you arrived in the hallway, you had no time to respond as you heard yelling in the garage. You and Alex exchanged confused glances as you tried to listen in.
"What, Jack?! What's the excuse now, she literally said she's liked you forever!" You heard Nicole's voice and you felt your heart drop. She heard you in the pool?
You and Alex exchanged concerned glances as you strained to hear the conversation in the garage. Nicole's voice had a tone of frustration, and it was evident that she was upset about something. The mention of your feelings for Jack made your heart race.
Jack's voice responded, his tone defensive. "Nicole, it's not that simple. Y/N and I have a complicated history, okay?"
Nicole sounded exasperated as she retorted, "Complicated history? Jack, she's moved on. Why can't you?"
Their voices grew louder, and you could feel the strain in their relationship even from a distance. It was clear that your presence had stirred up emotions and issues between them, and you couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt.
As you leaned in closer to the door, it suddenly opened and you and Alex jumped.
The sudden opening of the door startled both you and Alex, and you found yourself face to face with a frustrated-looking Nicole. Her eyes widened in surprise at seeing you eavesdropping on their argument.
"Y/N..." Nicole began, her voice trailing off as he seemed at a loss for words.
You quickly glanced at Alex, who was equally taken aback by the unexpected confrontation.
"I'm so sorry, Nicole, I didn't know that you heard me and I promise you I would never, ever try anything while you were with Jack-"
She cut you off with a forced smile, "I get it. It's not your fault." She sneered at Jack before continuing. "It's not your fault Jack can't get over his childhood crush."
"Nicole, let's not do this here," Jack said, his voice tinged with frustration. He glanced at you and Alex before turning back to her. "We'll talk later, okay?"
"There is no later! I'm done." She yelled back at him, her eyebrows furrowing in utter anger. "You already made your decision, it was either me or her and we all know your choice. I won't be a second choice, Jack. I've been second to her our entire relationship and I just met her, can you imagine how I've felt?"
The raw pain in Nicole's eyes was impossible to ignore, and it was clear that she had reached her breaking point. Her outburst had laid bare the insecurities and frustrations that had been festering beneath the surface, and it left everyone in the room with a heavy sense of unease. You could see the hurt in her eyes, and it was clear that their relationship had reached a breaking point. You couldn't help but feel guilty, was it your fault?
While you knew you weren't responsible for the choices Jack had made in his relationship, it was impossible not to wonder if your presence had somehow worsened the situation. You had never intended to come between them or cause any harm.
You exchanged a glance with Alex, who looked equally uncomfortable with the situation. The unease in the room was palpable, and there were no easy answers to the complex emotions and dynamics at play.
Jack's shoulders slumped, and he looked defeated. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but no words came out. It was a painful silence, and you could feel the weight of the history and emotions between Jack and Nicole.
Finally, he managed to speak, his voice soft and filled with regret. "I'm so sorry, Nicole. I never meant for any of this to happen-"
Nicole didn't respond. She simply turned and walked away, leaving Jack standing there, his face etched with a complex mix of emotions.
Jack ran a hand through his hair before he quickly pushed past you and Alex to run after Nicole. "Fuck, baby please listen!"
You and Alex exchanged looks before he sighed heavily, "Wow. What the hell did me and Trev miss."
"You have no idea," you sighed as you began walking to his car for the thing you had came in there for.
──
You sat next to Mark as you both dangled your feet in the water, everyone was outside and it finally felt like relaxing trip. It finally felt like the lake house; no drama (for the most part), cool summer air, and all your close friends in one place.
Sitting by the water with Mark, you felt a sense of calm wash over you. The drama from earlier had dissipated, and you were grateful for the opportunity to unwind with your friends. The cool breeze, the soothing sounds of the lake, and the laughter of your friends created a serene atmosphere that allowed you to momentarily forget about the complexities of your relationships.
You turned to Mark and offered a genuine smile. "Thanks for being here today, Mark. It means a lot."
He returned your smile warmly. "Of course, Y/N. I'm here whenever you need someone to talk to or just hang out with."
As the stars began to twinkle in the night sky, you found yourself leaning in closer to Mark. His presence felt comforting and reassuring. You locked eyes with him, and there was a shared understanding between you.
In that moment, you realized that Mark had become more than just a friend. He was someone who had been there for you, who had listened, and who had shown you support when you needed it, something you hadn't experienced from any partner. And perhaps, in the midst of all the chaos, you had found something unexpected: the possibility of a new beginning.
As your faces drew nearer, the world around you seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you in that quiet, starlit moment. It was a moment of choice, a moment where you could let go of the past and embrace the future.
With a gentle, lingering touch, your lips met Mark's, and for that brief, stolen moment, it felt like the world was right where it should be.
Then it felt wrong. You pulled away and you turned your head almost instinctively and there he was. Jack, standing there, watching the scene unfold.
The shock on Jack's face was undeniable, and it was as if time had frozen in that moment. His presence shattered the tranquility that had enveloped you and Mark, leaving an awkward and tense silence in its wake.
Mark pulled away from you slowly, his expression a mix of surprise and uncertainty. You could feel your heart racing, caught between the past and the present, between the familiarity of Jack and the newfound connection with Mark.
Jack scoffed and walked away, leaving your heart shattered; like he always did. As you began to get up, Mark gripped your arm. You looked down at him and found yourself at crossroads.
Mark or Jack? Mark or Jack? Mark: the sweetest boy with the sweetest smile, or Jack: the person you'd loved your entire life.
You knew the answer. Everyone knew the answer. You moved your arm from his grip and got up, leaving him seated in the pool. You ran after Jack and it suddenly hit you. He'll always have this power over you, his beautiful smile always had this effect on you.
It made you nauseous as you tried to find where he was, like you always did. He would always pick someone else and you always had to pick him, that was just how it worked.
You ran after Jack, your heart pounding in your chest. The familiar ache of chasing after someone who always seemed just out of reach gnawed at you. It was a pattern you had repeated countless of times, a dance of longing and rejection that you couldn't seem to break free from no matter how hard you tried.
As you searched for him, you couldn't help but feel a sense of desperation. You knew that choosing Jack meant choosing the same cycle of heartache, but it was a choice you had made so many times before. His smile, his presence, his history with you—it all had a hold on you that was impossible to shake.
Finally, you spotted him by the edge of the lake, his silhouette illuminated by the moonlight. He turned to look at you, his expression a mix of surprise and uncertainty, as if he couldn't believe you had chosen him once again.
You didn't say anything as you approached him. Words felt meaningless in that moment. Instead, you simply reached out and took his hand, intertwining your fingers with his, and with that simple gesture, you made your choice.
It might have been the same old pattern, the same old dance, but it was your choice to make, and for now, it was the one that felt right.
As you looked into his eyes, the same ones you'd adored since day one, you felt deja vu. You felt angry; how could one person have such control over you? In the depths of his eyes, you saw a reflection of your own emotions, a turbulent mix of desire, frustration, and longing. It was a maddening feeling, to be so deeply ensnared by someone who seemed to hold all the power in your relationship.
The moonlight cast a soft glow on both of you as you stood by the lake, hand in hand, the weight of your choice settling in. It was a choice that defied reason and logic, a choice that defied the very patterns you had tried to break free from. But for now, it was your choice, and you would face the consequences, whatever they may be, with Jack by your side.
You felt an unexpected sob ripple from your chest and you ripped your hand from his, covering your mouth with your hand. You closed your eyes and you felt Jack pull you closer, into his chest.
As the sobs wracked your body, you felt Jack's arms around you, offering a comforting embrace. It was a mixture of relief and hurt, the weight of your choice bearing down on you. You had chosen to follow your heart, even if it meant stepping into the same cycle of uncertainty and longing.
Jack held you tightly, his own emotions undoubtedly conflicted, but in that moment, it was a silent understanding between the two of you. The night was still, and the moon illuminated the path you had chosen, as well as the challenges that lay ahead.
"It's okay, shh. I'm... here now, I'm sorry." He mumbled as he planted a kiss on your head.
You felt such anger in your stomach as he said those words so easily. Was it okay? Was he really here, with you? Was he truly sorry. You pushed him away and you saw him fumble back, hurt in his eyes as you fell on to your knees, taking a seat on the cold sand of the lake.
The anger, the hurt, the confusion, it all swirled within you as you sat there on the cold sand, tears streaming down your face. You couldn't make sense of your emotions, and Jack's words, well-intentioned as they might have been, didn't provide the solace you needed.
Jack remained a few steps away, watching you with a pained expression, unsure of how to bridge the gap between you. The silence between you was heavy, filled with unspoken words and unresolved feelings.
"Do you know..." You sniffled, looking up at him with tears in your eyes. You didn't even know where to begin. "I've spent my entire fucking life pining after you. Every single moment has been dedicated to the great Jack fucking Hughes, did you know that?"
Your bitter words felt like a dagger to the heart to the both of you. You continued, "I always choose you. I always fucking choose you!" You screamed out angrily, as Jack flinched. He'd never seen you this angry in his entire life.
"Why do I always choose you? You're like every other guy in the world." Your tears streamed down your face. "But you're special to me," you mumbled as Jack's breathing became heavy with emotion. "You always choose everyone else but me. I never knew why." You were just rambling at this point but you would be lying if you said it didn't feel good.
You looked up at Jack. "I watched you fall for people who didn't see you the way I did, who didn't know you the way I did, and I stood there, invisible, as you gave your heart to them."
Your words cut deep, each one a painful reminder of the years of unrequited love and longing.
"And then," you whispered, your voice barely audible, "when I finally thought it might be my turn to finally be with someone who actually liked me, who wanted me, I choose you again." Your voice cracked as you mentioned Mark.
You wiped away fresh tears, and the pain in your eyes was palpable. "It hurts, Jack. It hurt more than I can put into words. But I still chose you, again."
A sob caught in your throat, and you continued, your words heavy with emotion. "I've cried myself to sleep, wondering why I wasn't good enough for you, why you never saw me the way I saw you. And every time you got hurt, I was right there with you, helping and being there." You paused. "And when I was hurt, where the fuck were you? Probably with some girl who never knew you like I did. Who will never know you like I do."
Jack's eyes were filled with remorse, and you could see the pain in his expression, but you couldn't stop now. You had to let it all out.
"I convinced myself that if I just kept waiting, if I just kept choosing you, someday you'd see me for who I was, you'd choose me. But it never happened, Jack. It never happened, and it broke my heart a little more every day."
Your voice broke again as you sniffled, "I've missed out on so much because of you," you continued, your voice trembling with emotion. "I've given up on amazing opportunities, on people who genuinely cared about me, all because I thought someday you'd choose me too."
Jack took a seat beside you, the weight of your words sinking in. You didn't fight it, you were too tired.
The lake's gentle waves lapped against the shore, providing a soothing backdrop to the turmoil of emotions swirling around both of you. He didn't say anything for a while, the silence between you heavy with unspoken regret.
Finally, he broke the silence, his voice soft and filled with remorse. "I didn't know. I didn't mean to... hurt you."
You turned to look at him, your eyes meeting his. You saw the sincerity in his gaze, but it was accompanied by a sense of helplessness. It was as if he had finally realized the depth of the pain he had caused you.
"I couldn't like you, Y/N." It sounded harsher than it actually was as he continued. "I just couldn't. You were too good, Y/N, you are a sweetheart. I was scared to taint you, and I would've never forgiven myself if I did..."
"Taint me?" You scoffed, pain in your tone. "You tainted me the moment you met me, Jack."
Those words hung in the air as he swallowed, taking your words into consideration. "I'm so sorry, Y/N," he whispered, his voice filled with remorse. "I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted any of this."
You sighed, the anger and frustration slowly giving way to a sense of resignation. It was a complicated situation, and both of you had made mistakes along the way. "I know, Jack. I know you didn't."
In that moment, you both shared a painful understanding of the past and the choices that had brought you to this point. You would always choose him, and he'd always choose them. But as he put his hand on top of yours, your body entire body felt like it was on fire.
As you looked into Jack's eyes, you saw a mixture of emotions - regret, longing, and a hint of hope. It was as if he, too, was wrestling with the undeniable connection that had always existed between you.
"I'm not saying it'll be easy, Y/N," he murmured, his thumb gently tracing circles on the back of your hand. "But maybe... just maybe, we can find a way to make this work."
His words hung in the air, and for the first time in a long time, you allowed yourself to entertain the possibility of a future with Jack, a future where you didn't have to choose between him and anyone else.
Maybe all of that pining wasn't for nothing. Maybe in the end, he would have chosen you. But would you choose him? Could you finally resist him?
As you sat there, the gentle breeze ruffling your hair and the quiet waters of the lake before you, you contemplated Jack's words. The years of pining and longing, the heartaches and frustrations, all seemed to converge in this one moment.
Maybe, just maybe, this was the moment where the tides would turn, and you could choose a different path, one that didn't revolve around Jack. But the choice was yours to make, and it wouldn't be easy. You knew the allure of Jack, the history you shared, and the magnetic pull between you two would always be there.
For now, you decided to savor the night, knowing that the future held uncertainties and challenges, but also the potential for something beautiful. As you gazed at the moonlit lake, you couldn't help but wonder what lay ahead and what choices you would make when the time came.
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-> make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated! <-
thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡
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arminsumi · 8 months
Text
when is daddy coming home ?
g. satoru ⋅ fem wife reader
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note: WOW i'm so sorry for writing this anyways tagging @satoruhour for no reason except i'm evil 👍 ik we need fluff comfort rn but i had to get out at least one devastating post. anyways. enjoy the suffering!!
warnings — heavy pure angst prepare to suffer and cry more than you already are, implied death, chapter 236 spoilers
playme ♪ oh god it's you i watch tv with / when i wake up i see you with me... as long as i'm here, no one can hurt you
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scurrying around the kitchen, there's no free time when you've got a little mouth to feed. and you smile when you see your cute little girl devouring the bowl of steaming food. it's satoru's favorite, he asked you to make it today especially and you don't know why.
an hour goes by. you observe your child drawing a scribbly heart.
" what are you drawing ? " you ask, and she replies with " something for daddy. "
" it looks beautiful. who's that ? "
" that's you. and that's daddy. and that's me. "
" are we inside a heart ? "
" yup ! we're inside daddy's heart, because it has the most space. "
your heart feels a peculiar pang, and you look out the window. how strange, you felt like your whole world caved in for that split second.
" mommy, when is daddy coming home ? " your little girl asks innocently.
" soon, angel. "
you ring his number.
gojo satoru ~ i'm busy right now, leave a message — ow !
you remember the day he made this prerecorded messgae. his ow at the end is a reaction to your little girl biting him when she was teething, that was years and years ago now.
the little bell on her bracelet sounds. it's the bracelet that you and gojo wove together in high school; your little one had found it in your memory box and loved it so much that she asked if she could have it as her birthday gift.
that bell chimes as she moves her wrist to color in satoru's eyes with the prettiest blue crayon. and for some reason, it sounds louder than ever; you stare at it. why are tears coming forth?
the tv is playing. the birds are chirping. the world keeps spinning. but your world? it feels like it broke apart. and why? what was this feeling? you felt like... like something devastating has just happened.
you try satoru's phone again, wandering aimlessly into the kitchen. it feels eerily quiet and joyless.
gojo satoru ~ i'm busy right now, leave a message — ow !
you try it again.
gojo satoru ~ i'm busy right now —
you try it again.
gojo satoru ~
gojo satoru ~
gojo satoru ~
he was mimicking the way you always said his name in high school.
and you start breaking down crying, trying and trying repeatedly as if it would change anything. you don't need someone to knock on your door to tell you he's gone, because you can feel it; his spirit isn't in this world anymore. you and him were completely connected, a string between the two of you that linked your hearts and subconscious no matter the distance between them.
when you look up at the sky, there's an endless blue. but all you really think of when you see that sky is his eyes. when you first met, that was one of the first things you told him.
" your eyes put the skies to shame. "
and he replied with something so cheesy that for some reason made you fall in love with him right there.
" aw. well, you put the angels to shame. "
the food goes cold. in his last moment, when he detached from the world, he was thinking about returning home to you. that's why he had asked you to make his favorite, after all. he thought it would be nice to enjoy such a simple thing after saving the world.
it's funny, even if he would have saved the world, he wouldn't have been able to come home to boast about it to you; because you never knew that side of him.
you never knew he was gojo satoru.
you just knew he was your gojo satoru, your doting husband.
when those eyes stared up at the blue sky for the last time, he thought;
at least i got to say i love you to you this morning, and give you that big kiss. treasure it baby, there will be no more now.
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rest well honoured one.
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© arminsumi
Do not plagiarize / repost / translate / copy layouts / etc.
Do not steal what I've worked hard to create.
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ellecdc · 2 months
Note
I'm sick rn so I wanted to know if you could do a little comfort fic of moonwater taking care of sick reader or something pls :)
awe so sorry you're unwell babes! hope you feel better soon <33
poly!moonwater x fem!reader who has the flu
Another shiver shook your frame even from your place burrowed deep beneath the thick duvet in your spare bedroom.
You’d woken up a little late this morning; Regulus needed to be in the office early for a meeting, and Remus had a meeting with his publisher, meaning you had been on your own. You felt awful, but ultimately hoped that as the day had continued, you might perk up a bit.
You did not perk up. In fact, you ended up spending so much time in the bathroom that your boss actually suggested you go home for the rest of the day.
Too poorly to feel as embarrassed as you probably ought to, you readily accepted and returned to yours, Regulus’, and Remus’ shared flat.
It took nearly all your effort to change out of your work clothes, change the bedding in your shared bedroom so that the boys wouldn’t have to sleep in your germs, and set yourself up in the guest room with a bucket just in case.
You’d slept on and off quite fitfully, waking up with a start when your fever induced brain concocted the most ridiculous nightmares to alert you to your sweaty and discomfited state. 
You were so poorly that you hadn’t even realized anyone was home until Regulus was standing in front of you like a creepy vampire watching you sleep.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Regulus.” You muttered, slapping your hand to your own chest as you tried catching your breath, which caused a small coughing fit.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Your boyfriend asked incredulously.
You groaned as you rolled back onto your side to face him.
“Hello, Regulus. It’s nice to see you.” You deadpanned.
Regulus huffed and dropped his briefcase.
“Hello, amour.” He deadpanned in return. “What the hell is wrong with you?” He asked again as he gently sat on the edge of the bed to place the back of his hand to your forehead, grimacing in response to your sweat or your fever, you weren’t sure. 
“I’m sick.”
Regulus made a pathetic cooing sound that was so contrary to his sharp demeanour made all the more severe in his smart work attire, it was almost comical. 
“Why didn’t you call me?”
You huffed at that. “So, what? So, you could come home and watch me barely sleep? I was fine.”
“Fine.” Regulus scoffed. “You don’t look fine, amour.”
“Words hurt, Reg.” You groaned as the pain behind your eyes grew.
Regulus made another cooing sound and stood.
You thought perhaps he was getting up to change or whatnot but opened your eyes to see him with his phone pressed to his ear.
“Regulus, what are you doing?” You demanded with all the sternness you could muster, which was not much at all in your current state.
“That’s enough out of you.” He muttered quietly as he brought his phone back to his ear.
“Hi love, how are you?” He spoke over your attempted rebuttal.
You could hear your other boyfriends’ low tones responding to Regulus from the other end of the line.
“Good. It went well, thank you. I just got home actually, Y/N’s already here; she’s quite poorly.”
Though you still couldn’t make out the words, Remus’ voice picked up in volume. 
“No, she didn’t tell me either.” Regulus commented, sending you a pointed glare.  
“Okay, yeah. Alright, we’ll see you soon. Yeah, love you too. Bye.” 
You groaned petulantly. “Why’d you do that? He doesn’t have to come home for me.”
“Maybe he’s coming home for me; ever consider that?” He snarked back, pushing some of your sweaty hairs away from your head to press a kiss to your head.
“You’re a furnace, amour. Is it safe for me to assume you haven’t taken any medication?”
He got his answer in the form of a guilty expression.
“Tu vas être ma mort. Tu as de la chance d'être si mignon.” He muttered as he left the room to change and gather some things for your flu. 
You came back into consciousness to the sound of Remus and Regulus speaking gently.
“I hate to wake her up, but she really should take something.”
“Has she eaten, though? She shouldn’t take anything on an empty stomach.”
“If that bucket is any indication, I doubt there’s anything in her stomach at all.”
“Can you guys go do your worrying elsewhere, please? I’m trying to die in peace.” You groaned, caused Remus to gasp and Regulus to scoff.
“Dovey! Oh, my poor girl. What happened? Are you okay?” Remus cooed, kneeling on the floor in front of you to start petting at your head.
“I’m okay.” You croaked.
“You’re a liar.” He responded; words pointed but expression loving.
“Do you think you can eat, amour?” Regulus interrupted. 
“I don’t want to.” You moaned.
“That’s not what I asked, love.”
Remus tsked at Regulus’ coldness and took your face in his hands.
“Dove, can you try? Please? For me.”
You groaned very petulantly but began sitting yourself upright nonetheless. 
You allowed Remus to position your pillows and arrange the tray Regulus had prepared for you on your lap, but you drew the line at him trying to spoon feed you the stew.  
“Did you wake up this poorly?” Regulus asked from the end of your bed.
“Sort of, but it got worse at work.”
The air was sucked out of the room as both men turned to look at you incredulously.
“You went to work?!” Regulus gawked.
“Why, dove?”
“Ma MORT, je le jure!” Regulus groaned exasperatedly. “Why didn’t you call us to pick you up?”
“And you took the time to change the bedding and move out of our room when you were like this?” Remus added.
You were beginning to feel embarrassingly teary as you put your spoon down and pushed the tray away from you.
“I didn’t want you guys to get catch this. I just... I was fine.” You sniffled and wiped at your eyes as the first tear fell.
Remus tsked again and rested his forehead against your temple, and you realized then how much cooler his forehead felt against yours. 
“Okay.” Regulus said quietly, picking up the tray from your lap and placing it on the dresser. “Can you take these for me, love? Fever reducers and anti-nausea for now; we’ll see how you feel in a few hours.”
He held the pills out to you in his palm and held a glass of water in the other. You hiccupped and sniffled before accepting both, handing him back the glass half full once you were done.
“Thank you.” Regulus whispered gently, kissing your forehead and bringing your tray to the kitchen.
“I’m sorry we scolded you, dovey.” Remus whispered into your cheek, causing new tears to fall. “We just worry; you know that, right?”
“Yeah.” You whimpered, and even you could tell it was sort of pathetic.
“Oh, my poor darling.” Remus cooed, standing from your side to climb in on the opposite side of the bed. 
“Don’t, Rem. I don’t want you to get sick.” You whined, though allowed your body to be pulled into his side.
“Tough.” He said simply, punctuating the sentiment with a kiss to your temple. “Then I’ll just get to call in sick too.”
You were sure the tears were mostly from exhaustion and discomfort, but you couldn’t seem to get them to stop.
“What’s the matter, hm?”
“I don’t feel good.” You whined.
“I know, babydove. I’m sorry.”
That’s how Regulus found you when he came back to the room; you crying into Remus’ shirt as he rubbed broad strokes up and down your back.
“Rem, we’re trying to bring her temperature down, love.” He admonished gently, though sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his own soothing strokes on your clammy arm. 
“You try denying this sweet girl her cuddles, Reg.” Remus responded.
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” He whispered, pressing a kiss to your shoulder before placing a cold wet cloth on your head. 
“I’m sorry you’re so poorly, amour. And I’m sorry if we made it worse.” He apologized. 
You quickly shook your head (which you immediately regretted as the nausea threatened to return). “You didn’t; you don’t.”
“I upset you though, I’m sorry. I’m too rough sometimes.” Regulus admitted, sounding almost as teary as you. Remus tsked and reached one of his hands over you to take Regulus’ hand.
“I know what you’re thinking, love, and you’re wrong.” Remus insisted. “And I know you’re wrong, because your parents wouldn’t have fussed over you at all when you were sick; so there’s no way you could be acting like them right now.”
The fact that Regulus had spent any amount of time worrying that he’d been too harsh with you, that he’d been at all like his awful parents caused your few tears to turn into true crying.
“I’m sorry Reggie.” You cried, turning to look at him. His brows furrowed dramatically, and he looked just as close to crying. “If you weren’t here; I’d be sitting in bed with no food, no medicine, no cloths, and no love.”
“Well, you maybe would have had some love.” Remus argued from your other side.
“I would’ve died.” You insisted.
One tear did fall from Regulus’ eye as he smiled sadly at you. “I just hate to see you so poorly, amour. You should always be happy and lovely.”
“I am. I’m better when you’re here.” You insisted.
“How dare you insinuate that our sweet darling girl could ever possibly be not lovely, Regulus. Absolute blasphemy.” Remus scolded, causing both you and Regulus to chuckle. 
“Terribly sorry, you two. I seem to have forgotten myself.” He laughed, turning the cloth over on your head and trailing his fingers down your jaw to massage at your neck. 
“Don’t let it happen again.” Remus instructed.
You fell asleep to the sound of Regulus promising that he wouldn’t. 
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strongheartneteyam · 5 months
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A New Beginning.
Pairing: Neteyam Sully x female!human!reader/female!avatar!reader
cw: lots of fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, slightly sexual language, kissing, hugging, tsaheylu is mentioned, TRIGGER WARNING for brief talk of death (of Reader's human body), Jake and Neytiri being the best in-laws ever
@anika-rose-walker Here's your request after ages lol I'm so sorry, boo 😅
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I changed the plot from what you asked a little bit (Neteyam and Reader are already together, instead of confessing to each other throughout the story) bc I had already written the beginning of it when I went back and read the rest of your request lol I hope you don't mind. I love you sm and I hope you like it, my lovely Kayla 💕
PS: in this story, going through a transference of consciousness from a human body to an Avatar is not as dangerous as it used to be because it has been done many times before. I have no idea if it makes sense but pls just go with it for the sake of it being easier to write 🥲 my wrist hurts so bad 
na'vi words: tsaheylu (neural bond that the na'vi make with their mate), yawne (beloved), yawntu (loved one), paskalin (sweet berry), muntxate (female mate), muntxatan (male mate), oeyä (my, mine), sevin (pretty), tawtute (human)
Not proofread. Sorry if some parts are a bit off but I can't fix it rn lol
༉‧₊.
The suns of Pandora were shining bright in the sky that day but nothing was brighter than your smile. You were overcome with happiness as what you had been anticipating for so long was finally gonna happen: you were getting your own Avatar, a body that would let you experience Pandora without that damn oxygen mask that held you back, not letting you breathe the fresh air and worse, not letting you kiss your na'vi boyfriend Neteyam unless you two were inside the lab. You were the daughter of one of the best scientists of the laboratory so you always spent a lot of your time there, but Neteyam was a busy young man and he couldn't visit you at the lab everyday which sucked. You were so addicted to him that spending even a single day without feeling his plump blue lips on yours, his soft and wet tongue lapping and sucking on your tongue felt like a kick in the stomach. You truly felt lovesick whenever it happened. Talk about a strong love and being needy for someone.
You were walking through the Omatikaya mainland, where all the people's huts were, and looking for your boyfriend. You hadn't told him you were gonna get an Avatar. You wanted it to be a surprise. Your brain could not comprehend that you would finally be able to make tsaheylu with Neteyam. Tsaheylu, man! Imagining being able to feel his affection for you through the bond, his need and desire, feel the pleasure he was feeling as the two of you mate… that felt otherworldly and so incredibly exciting. It's a connection beyond what your human brain could comprehend, honestly. Only your na'vi brain would be able to fully understand it.
Neteyam ended up finding you before you could find him. There was a sea of tall blue aliens around.
“Sevin tawtute!” He called out to you loudly, his voice excited 
When your ears heard that beautiful voice and your eyes saw his large figure, you ran to his arms and held him tight, your head only reaching his waist, so much taller he was than your human frame. You wondered the height difference you two would have once you were Dreamwalking.
“Oooh! I'm glad you're this happy to see me, muntxate!” Neteyam put his big hands on your head and pet your hair softly.
“Teyam, I got something wonderful to tell you!” You looked at him, as happy as a kid who just got a gift they'd been waiting for ages to get
Neteyam got down on his knees to cut your height difference almost in half.
“What is it?” He smiled, his fangs charmingly touching his lower lip
“My father just told me earlier today that my Avatar is ready.” Your eyes shone like stars in a dark night sky 
“Your what?!” His striped blue face betrayed his surprise
Neteyam's heart started beating fast. Was his yawne truly telling you what he thought she was?
“Are you serious, princess? Why didn't you tell me about it? My Eywa…” he chuckled, still incredulous 
“I wanted it to be a surprise! I wanted to see this beautiful surprised look on your face, muntxatan.” You look so cute. I love you so much.” Your eyes started to water
Neteyam smiled even wider. He took your oxygen mask off and quickly used both his large hands to grab your face and crushed his lips against yours, before putting it back on again.
❦︎
You opened your eyes and your vision seemed to be better as you tried to get used to the bright white artificial lights of the Avatar first testing room in the lab.
“How are you feeling, (y/n)?” Your hearing was surely much sharper as you heard those words coming from a nurse's lips in a much louder volume than you would in your human body. 
You moved your fingers and raised your hands up next to your face so you could look at them. Your fingers were blue and your wrist had some bioluminescent freckles on it. God, your skin looked much more beautiful now than it did in your human body. You were afraid you were already liking this body much more than your original one.
Your focus was so much on your new experience in your Avatar that you forgot to answer Julia's - the nurse - question.
“Can you hear me, (y/n)?” You got out of your trance and finally looked at her 
“Yes. Yes, I can! Really well, by the way.” You smiled at her. Your fangs touching your lip was a new sensation, a really cool one.
After the scientists and nurses ran some tests with you on your new Avatar, you finally were able to change from your hospital like clothes and went out of that cold room wearing some dark jeans shorts and a simple white sleeveless shirt made of a cotton like material.
You saw Neteyam sitting in one of the brown sofas in the next room. His beautiful face looked tense.
All his tension faded away as soon as he saw you. His pretty yellow eyes shone as he took your appearance in. Neteyam didn't think he could ever fall even deeper in love with you but that had just happened.
“Oeyä muntxate… you look breathtaking. Oeyä sevin yawne…” he walked slowly towards you, still enchanted by the sight of your Avatar body
Neteyam held you by your waist, bring you close to him and gave you the most tender of kisses. You kissed him back, your lips almost trembling with happiness and affection. Neteyam tasted your mouth, his tongue licking not only your tongue but your fangs too, exploring your new na'vi body. He loved how similar you were to him now just as much as he loved the differences between the both of you when you were in your human form.
❦︎
Some weeks passed and you had never been more happy. A short period of time lived being able to Dreamwalk and kiss Neteyam in the woods, on the Sully's hut and in any other place you wished to brought you much more joy than all the years you lived before.
You and Neteyam were standing in front of the lab. You two were about to say goodbye and you would wake up in your human body. But there was a feeling inside of you that you had been haunted by for some time now and it was getting harder and harder to fight it. You finally spilled it out.
“I think I wanna leave my human life behind and become one of the people. If they will have me. If you will have me…” somehow you felt insecure, as if you forgot how happy Neteyam got whenever you were by his side
Surprise was all over his face.
“Are you sure of what you're saying?”
“Yes, I am. I've never been more sure of anything in my life. I know it seems sudden… I'm tired of being human… I'd much rather be your mate and learn archery, learn to cook na'vi recipes, worship Eywa, participate in the sacred rituals, run free in the woods instead of worrying about human social rules, live among artificial lights, eat junk food - don't get me wrong, you know I love some good hamburgers” Neteyam laughed at your remark “but fresh hunted meat, seasoned with herbs and wild spices tastes much better. Also…” You looked into his large feline eyes “I wanna spend more time with you, I wanna live in our own hut… I wanna be always by your side, my Teyam. I hope you don't find me too needy.”
“Of course not, yawntu. The more you need me, the better ‘cause I need you too. So much.”
He stole a happy smile from you with those words.
“And, yawne… How could you ever doubt if I will have you be na'vi and always be with me, live in our own hut? Darling, that's all I've ever wanted. Only Eywa knows how many nights I've talked to her, wishing that it could happen one day.” His voice was full of heartfelt truth
You breathed out, relieved.
“We can talk to my dad about it. He's been through it himself before, I'm sure he can be of great help.”
You nodded and smiled “Okay.”
❦︎
After Neteyam took you to talk to the Olo'eyktan of the Omatikaya tribe, his dad Jake, his tired face lit up and he smiled, showing no teeth or fangs at first.
“You sure of it, kid? It's a big deal. Your human body is gonna die and that can be really traumatizing to your head.
“I know, Mr Sully. I've thought about that. I can deal with it if it means getting to live as one of the people forever.” You said sternly 
“You're also gonna make a big commitment by becoming na'vi. You're gonna have to learn to be use weapons, to haunt, to be fearless. You're gonna have to prove yourself worthy and go through your Ikinimaya before being truly considered one of the people. Are you up for it?” He looked like a mix of a father giving some life lessons to his kids, like a military chief of some kind and like a fierce leader. All three were indeed a part of him.
“Yes. I will do my best to prove myself worthy of becoming na'vi.”
Neteyam watched the two of you, some tension inside of him, as he felt like maybe his father was being too harsh on you, but he also knew he was doing what he had to as the Olo'eyktan and as someone who had once made the same decision you were making now and knew very well what he was talking about.
“Then you have all my support!” Jake finally smiled wide and opened his arms towards you “give me a hug, kid.”
You gladly walked until you got to where he was squatting - not that far from where you were sitting cross legged before - and hugged your father-in-law.
Neteyam smiled too.
“Thank you, Dad.”
When it came the time to talk to Neytiri, things went smoother than you had imagined. It seemed like a dream, in all honesty.
“You do whatever your heart tells you to do, paskalin.” Neytiri smiled at you “I believe Eywa herself chooses every human who decides to become one of the people. How could you say “no” to a request coming from the Great Mother?”
Your brain could not come up with words to describe how happy and relieved those words coming from your mother-in-law made you.
❦︎
Talking to your dad broke your heart a little. Your mother had died and you were his only family now.
“I just don't wanna lose my little girl.” Your dad was now sniffing. You felt bad as you never saw him cry.
“I'm not leaving you, Dad! I'm gonna visit you all the time! You're always gonna be my Dad. And you can always visit me when you have some free time, too.” You tried to comfort him by holding his hand as the both of you sit in your bed, in your bedroom
“I know. It's just not gonna be the same. And I'm gonna miss your beautiful human body. I'm gonna miss the girl I've raised since she was a little child.” You felt a stab in your heart. You honestly had not thought how much of a shock it would be to your dad to see your human body die. You felt a little selfish.
“She's still gonna be here.” You touched the place where your heart was, inside your chest “My soul will not change. I'm still gonna be me.” You looked into his eyes, trying to convince him of that
“I know. I just want you to be happy and if that's how you're gonna find your true happiness, I'd never try to be on your away.”
“Thank you, dad. I love you.” You hugged him and he felt a little better
You eventually broke the hug.
“I want you to come to my transferring of consciousness ceremony. Can you try and find some time on your busy scientist schedule to come and see your daughter wake up in her new body?”
“I wouldn't miss it for the world!” He gave you a supportive smile
The next step would be your transferring of consciousness ceremony. Mo'at seemed utterly happy to perform it. She wasn't that affectionate but you could read her feelings in her big amber eyes.
That night you slept in peace, knowing that the next time you would go to sleep again, you would be in your then permanent na'vi body and inside Neteyam's arms, your mate, the love of your life, probably making tsaheylu, as connected as you two could ever be. As one.
Taglist:
@criticallybella
@yeosxxx
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