#spend their time grieving and suffering together and comforting each other

[bunnyswritings]

It will all be alright when you're right by my side

— some hurt / comfort prompts

Scenario prompts

A getting physically hurt because they attempted to save someone from a dangerous situation, and B gets visibly worried and beats themselves over it. A chides B for feeling like this, adamant that it isn't their fault in any way. B showers A with so much tender loving care that A finds it amusing how cheesy B can get.

Similar to the above, only that B has not confessed their love to A yet — B goes feral when A gets hurt, and in the midst of the mess of emotions, B blurts out that they love A, taking A by surprise (or not, because they had a suspicion for the longest time, and bites back a smile).

A suffers from a progressive, chronic illness and B crosses paths with them at their most vulnerable state, and vows to be by their side through the ups and downs, the good and the bad. [Bonus: A suffers from progressive memory loss, but B is unfazed and promises to love them even when they forget.]

A loses a loved one and B helps them through the grieving process — coming to terms with it, growing through it, and beyond. [Bonus: B surprises A with a pet, knowing that it will help A through this patch. Their love for each other grows through this shared experience as well, and it opens up conversations for a future family together].

A is dealing with the aftermath of a traumatic event (eg. an accident) and B is there for them, from caring for their physical wounds by their hospital bedside, to their emotional wounds at home. B even sets up a care roster and ropes in all their friends to take turns looking out for A when A chases B back to work.

A has been holding back their emotions for the longest time because they do not want to make B feel bad about the situation, but one day A and B meet someone / something that sets off the trigger, causing A to break down in B's arms. B insists on spending the night with A, not wanting to leave their side even after getting nagged at, with A insisting that they are okay (but B not buying a single word of it).

A has been going through a terribly rough patch at work, and B, knowing that acts of service ranks high on A's love language list, gifts A with a set of "care vouchers" which A can redeem at any time (eg. a massage, cooking a homemade dinner, cuddles, a movie of A's choice, preparing a scented bath, etc).

Similar to the above; B picks A up from work, only for A to burst into tears the moment they get into the car. B knows what A has been facing all this time and feels the rising urge to teach the culprits a lesson, but knows that it's the last thing that A needs right now. Instead, B keeps silent, and reaches across to hold A's hand throughout the ride home.

Written excerpts

— she/her x he/him pronouns have been used in this case. please feel free to change them to your liking!

She has never felt so vulnerable before, her heart so raw and bare in the open for him to see. And he sees it — her pain, her suffering; he sees it all, no matter how much she tries to conceal them. Because beneath her brokenness, all he sees is a brave soul who overcame the worst that life threw at her. And with his gentle touch and a tight embrace, she gradually leans into his chest; it is then that she knows, that she is safe, and that she is home.

It's almost as if the glimpse of the night sky that she makes out between the flutters of the curtains mirror her current state. Pitch black, dull, and utterly lifeless. She doesn't know exactly how long she's been awake for; one thing she knows, though, is that those memories are starting to haunt her, yet again. Those memories— no, nightmares— have come so alive that it feels too real. Like she was there again, that very day; those exact emotions begin to course through her veins and her chest tightens, with beads of cold sweat forming on her forehead. And right when she needs it the most, she feels a pair of strong arms around her, engulfing her in the most soul-crushing hug she's ever felt; she hears his soft yet reassuring whispers of I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. It's going to be alright. We're going to be alright. A steady inhale, and her palpitations start to cease. Another, and her eyes flutter shut, the last of her tears trickle down her reddened cheeks. He lands a soft, lingering kiss on her tear-stained cheek and pulls her in, closer than ever before.

She has always been living in this way, with the weight of the world heavy on her shoulders. It is what she's been used to — trudging on in life, putting the needs of everyone else's before her own. Not a single complaint, not a single time she had griped about the unfairness of it all. Such is life, anyway, is what she always tells herself — her mantra which she often draws comfort from. But when it all starts to get too much to bear; the burden weighing her down to the bones, she finally decides to allow herself a tiny space to breathe, just for a moment. But her floodgates open without warning as she grows limp on the cold, marbled ground, her tiny body racking away in sobs. A few seconds pass, and then a full minute, before she feels a weight settle next to her; she knows, without a doubt, that it's him — the only one who has been by her side through it all. She tries to blink back her tears, but fails miserably; glancing up, her gaze finally meets his gentle one, and just somehow, that turbulence in her heart is replaced with a peculiar stillness. Without warning, he scoops her up, and presses her close against his chest; his heartbeat a steady, constant rhythm, a calmness she craves during a time like this. They stay in this way for a little longer, before he murmurs an I love you into her ear, and she knows, that everything will be alright as long as he's by her side.

#writing prompts #prompts #fluff #otp prompts #domestic #fanfiction writer #fanfic prompt #fanfiction prompts #writeblr #creative writing #creative writing prompts #love prompts #imagine your otp #hurt/comfort #hurt/comfort prompts #hurt prompts #comfort prompts #scenario prompts #new writer boost #bunnyswritings

[loiladadiani]

Empress Elizabeta Alexeiievna (1779 - 1826) nee Princess Luise Marie Auguste von Baden)

The Romanov Dynasty lasted 300 years; during that time, 18 Tsars and their spouses sat on the throne of Russia. It is natural that our interest should naturally gravitate toward those for whom photographs exist (notably Alexander II, Alexander III, and Nicholas II) but the lives of the others were just as fascinating and eventful.

One of these was Alexander I, grandson of Catherine I (although this post is about his consort.) At the age of 16, in a marriage arranged by his grandmother, he wedded the very beautiful 15-year-old Louise of Baden. She had been well educated for her role and was said to be extremely beautiful with a soft, melodious voice and a beautiful oval face with delicate features, large almond-shaped blue eyes, and curly ash-blond hair, which she usually left floating on her shoulders. Contemporaries regarded her as one of the most beautiful women in Europe and probably the most beautiful consort at that time. Unfortunately, she possessed a shy, withdrawn personality that failed to endear her to the Russian court or her in-laws (It seems that the Russian Court was not particularly easy to live in.) She preferred simplicity and solitude to the pomp and ceremony of life at court.

After the glow of the first few years of marriage faded, Alexander began a love affair that would continue for more than fifteen years with the Polish princess Maria Czetwertynska, wife of Prince Dmitri Naryshkin. Princess Maria Naryshkina flaunted her liaison at court in a tasteless, blatant fashion. The Empress continued to fulfill her functions as consort and support her husband but took lovers to relieve her loneliness. Elizabeth and Alexander had two daughters who died in childhood, leaving the Empress devastated.

By the time Elizabeth and Alexander were forty, both underwent a religious/personal transformation and seemed to re-discover each other. Elizabeth understood and supported Alexander I as he grieved over the death of his natural daughter, Sophia. This drove them very close. Alexander I, broke his long relationship with Maria Naryshkina. From then on, the husband and wife started to spend more time together. The marked reconciliation between the Emperor and the Empress caused general surprise.

By 1825, Elizabeth Alexeievna's health was frail; she suffered from a lung condition and a nervous indisposition. The doctors recommended her to rest in a temperate climate. The couple traveled to a city by the Sea of Azov. The imperial couple established themselves in a modest house since there was no comfortable palace. They were happy together, living in intimate simplicity. Unfortunately, Alexander developed typhus, from which he died in the arms of his wife. Elizabeth was stricken by his loss. She died on her way to Saint Petersburg for her husband's funeral.

#russian history #imperial russia #romanov family #Empress Elizabeth Alexeievna #Alexander I #Maria Narishkyna

[carewyncromwell]

Charlie 🤝 Carewyn 

Requested by Anon

Whenever Charlie Weasley came home to the U.K., his mother Molly would frequently insist that he stay at the Burrow. On those occasions when Charlie wasn’t able to spend more than a night, or when the Weasleys didn’t have room for him for whatever reason, he always made plans to stay at Carewyn’s flat. Such was the case one night in 1998, not long after the Second Wizarding War had come to an end. Carewyn’s new ward Erik had just started his first year at Hogwarts, and Charlie had swept through England briefly as a favor to his friend and fellow dragonologist Felix Rosier, who now had immediate family awaiting their trial in front of the Wizengamot. As fate would have it, Carewyn was the prosecutor, so Charlie used the excuse of dropping off the paperwork to her to spend time with his “unofficial twin.”

“Didn’t read much of it, but I gather it’s some kind of written testimony, on behalf of his younger siblings,” said Charlie. “And well...as much as I hate those two, and as much as I reckon Felix hates everything they’ve done too, I can’t blame him for wanting to defend them.”

Carewyn sighed. As strained as the Rosier family’s relationships were thanks to Mrs. Rosier’s toxic parenting, she’d guessed Felix would want to offer some defense for Emmett and Boudicca. 

“How is Felix?” she asked, as she moved to place Felix’s letter in a neat stack on top of her desk. “I heard he was with you at the Battle of Hogwarts, but...”

Her eyes darkened noticeably.

“...well, there was so much else going on...”

The faces of Fred, Tonks, Lupin, and Snape all swam through Carewyn’s mind, making her heart throb in ice-cold, numbing pain. 

Charlie’s eyes had lost a lot of their light too. 

“...Yeah. Felix led the rest of us, while I headed for the castle. I had planned to come back, but...well, afterwards, Felix said he completely understood why. Considering what happened to...”

The second eldest Weasley couldn’t say his younger brother’s name aloud. It was like “Fred” was an unpleasant acid that burned his throat, making him choke before he could properly form the letters. 

Carewyn turned away from her desk so she could sweep back over to Charlie, wrapping both of her arms around his neck and holding him tight. Charlie buried his face in Carewyn’s shoulder, his hand securing itself in her shorter hair.

“I shoulda been there, Carey,” he muttered.

“Don’t say that,” Carewyn murmured.  

“I shoulda been there to protect him,” Charlie said more fiercely. “I’m his big brother -- I should’ve made sure nothing happened to -- ”

“You don’t think Percy and Bill don’t feel the exact same way?” Carewyn tried to scold him, but her voice came out just as pained and grieving herself. 

Charlie clenched his teeth. His freckled hand was shaking in her hair. 

Carewyn’s eyes grew a little smaller as she squeezed him that bit tighter.

“...I know you feel like you could’ve done more, Charlie,” she whispered, “and I know what that feels like -- you know I do...”

She brought a hand up to trail along the back of his head. 

“I’ve felt that way ever since Rowan’s death,” she said in a voice so soft it was a mere shadow against his ear. “And I feel it again, every single time I fail anybody I’ve become even the slightest attached to. Any time they suffer, or die, and I could’ve protected them and their family from that pain.”

She trailed a hand along his ponytail. 

“I’ll never know the grief you’re going through -- I know I never could. But...you’re not alone in feeling that guilt...of wishing you were there, to save him. ...I hope you know that.”

Charlie gave a loud sniff. Then his voice came out oddly amused.

“...Talbott always did say you hold yourself to an impossible standard.”

Despite the humor, Carewyn could hear the tears choking his voice. She steadied her hand on the back of his head, almost cradling it. He clung to the back of her shirt and the two rocked back and forth together, as if each of them was trying to comfort the other the way a parent soothes a crying child. 

“He looked up to you, you know,” Charlie said lowly, with a bittersweet smile. “Even though he always joked...I know he did. Him and George.”

Carewyn smiled sadly too through her tears. “And you know how much he and George loved and respected you. Merlin...they only joined the Circle of Khanna at all because of you and Bill...”

Charlie’s own eyes were flooding with tears too as his smile spread to a grin. “Heh...right. Pretty much refused to be kept out, once they found out what we were up to..."

The two “Fireballs” stood together in Carewyn’s sitting room for a while, just hugging and quietly crying. Finally they broke apart just enough to settle down on Carewyn’s couch, where they sat together for a while longer, Charlie resting his head on Carewyn’s shoulder and Carewyn resting her head on top of Charlie’s, while also wordlessly summoning them some cups of coffee from the kitchen.

“Are you worried about him?” Charlie asked abruptly, after a moment.

Carewyn glanced down at him on her shoulder, frowning in slight confusion. 

“Your new kid -- Erik,” supplied Charlie. “He’ll be at Hogwarts now, and...well, Hogwarts wasn’t safe before all this...”

Carewyn relaxed slightly. She angled her face a bit so that it rested in Charlie’s hair.

“I know,” she said lowly. “But Minerva’s Headmistress now. If there’s anyone who’s capable enough to protect the most vulnerable students, it’s her.”

“I’ll never get over how you’re on a first-name basis with my old Head of House,” Charlie said with a cheeky grin. “I mean, that woman was like my aunt -- if my aunt wasn’t gossip-happy Aunt Muriel --”

“Well, you’re the one who hit it off with my ex-Prefect,” Carewyn shot back in return. “You don’t think that’s a bit surreal for me?”

“Hey, Felix is a good bloke, once you learn to avoid his spikes,” Charlie said amusedly. 

“And once he gets over comparing you to your ‘delinquent’ brother,” Carewyn said very coolly. “Or perhaps that’s just me.”

Charlie laughed. As his laughter slowed, his brown eyes flitted up to his “twin’s” head on top of his with a bit of fondness. 

“I’m serious, though -- I’m glad I met him. It’s not every day you find someone else who’s more interested in chasing dragons than the physical assets of the Preserve’s newest recruits,” he added with a roll of his eyes.

Carewyn smiled slightly too. “I know what you mean.”

It baffles me how disheartened Mrs. Weasley is, that I still haven’t ‘found a nice person’ to settle down and start a family with...as if one needs to marry and bear children to find completion in life...

Charlie’s expression softened further as he closed his eyes.

“That’s what I love about you, Carey,” he said with a big grin. “The fact that you know.”

Carewyn smiled a bit more fully herself as she wrapped her arm around Charlie’s shoulders and gave him a sideways hug. 

Yes, perhaps Bill and Carewyn were best friends and had more personality traits in common -- but Charlie and Carewyn were still kindred spirits in their own way, focusing on their dreams and on protecting their loved ones far more than pursuing any romantic prospects. And even when Carewyn did find a romantic partner herself, she and Charlie still shared that independent spark that made them just as happy to be on their own, doing what they loved most in the world. 

Friendship Drabble Prompt! 

#hphm #hogwarts mystery #friendship drabbles #charlie weasley #carewyn cromwell #fred weasley #george weasley #percy weasley #bill weasley #molly weasley #talbott winger #felix rosier #minerva mcgonagall #erik apollo #my writing

[the-mortifying-ordeal-of]

I know we need to break up, I do

but I don't want to. I don't want to at all. I love him so much and I'm so happy with him when things are going well, but things are so much worse than they are good (are they?? Or am I addicted to complaining and criticizing and I'm going to be unhappy wherever I am?). I need to break up with him: I've tried psychological distance, keeping busy, getting out of the house, taking lots of weekend trips, the month-long sabbatical, and now these months apart and moving into separate places. But the issue isn't distance, it's enmeshment, and we're still enmeshed even when we're apart. He says such hurtful things about my character, intentions, and impact on him and whether or not I'm responsible for all of his suffering, there's too much there to mend. We are too broken to fix. I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to make something good when it's such an uphill grind. I love him so much and I'm so happy when things are good, but it's an isolated and comfortable happiness with harsh limits and no oxygen or expansiveness. I want to be bigger and there's no room for me here. I keep making myself smaller, apologizing, hating myself, and he does too. We aren't good for each other. Sticking around to understand why isn't helping.

I don't want to do this. It has to be me. I don't think he'll do it. I don't want to do it. I don't want to lose him.

I am also passively suicidal and despairing a lot of the time about sexuality and my career, so I know my misery isn't all this relationship. I am broken and sad and I make myself small outside of us. But I can't keep focusing on us. I need to focus on me. I need to be bigger, stronger, deeper, safer, and trying to help him is drowning me. I don't want to leave. I don't want to lose him. I want him to be good and strong, too, but we clearly can't do it together.

I'm listening to a lot of country music and watching a lot of The Mindy Project and I think I could cry for days and never leave the bath but I'm gonna keep going and showing up and trying and living and it's so hard. It's so so so hard. I just want to be good, feel good, do good. I wanna be life and love and light and I wanna do this so that other people can do it and be free, too. I'm doing it for me for us for him, but I can't do it with him and I hate that. I grieve it and resist it and yet it's not changing, so I need to. I choose to.

[sunflowerryvol6]

Cheat Day Part 2

I don't know what made me write this, but I hope this makes some sense. Dedicated to the sweetest @hstyleswomen @harrysficreblog

Masterist

Warnings: Angst

WC: 2800

Six years later.

The first few years of the split were brutal. You both couldn't spend a moment in the room with each other without crying or fighting. There seemed to be no end to your suffering, it seemed. But like all wounds, time heals most. You just needed some time to get your head in the game. Luna was your priority, after all.

Harry and you had found a rhythm in co-parenting. He would have her on weekdays for half the month, and rest you would have her. You both would alternate on weekends. As years have gone by, you both have learned to spend more time together, for Moonie's sake. Last year, you went on a vacation too. You, Moonie, Harry and his girlfriend Lisa. You and Lisa didn't have a great start, but both of you decided to hash it out for the sake of your little girl. She loved Moonie as her own, and you couldn't be more grateful. Lisa and Moonie had a beautiful relationship; she was a friend you little moon needed. Whenever Harry and you had arguments, Lisa would take Moonie and excuse herself out of the crossfire. Spending time with Lisa has made Moonie realise that it's possible to have more than one parental figure, and you can love them all the same. You couldn't be happier. You had finally got the opportunity to dive back into work fully and have a support system. That's what Lisa and Harry had become to you. Your support system.

Lisa and Harry met two years after the split. She had always been very kind to you, but it took you some getting used to the idea of your ex-husband with somebody else. So, of course, there was friction at first, but over time once you got to know her a little bit, you both got on very well. It definitely has something to do with the way she treated your daughter.

Lisa was a widow. Her husband and the little boy died in a freak accident. She never told you the details of how it happened, but it was something she was dealing with on her own. Harry had supported her through her grieving process, and that's what brought them together. It can seem odd to people how they got together, but those who know them know they're great for each other. Harry had changed too, since meeting her. He had a newfound appreciation for his daughter and his ex-wife and the relationship they had. That's what pushed him to work through the differences he had with you. He had to find a way to make things work and still be in your daughter's life. It took a lot of fights and compromise. But in the end, you two decided to put your past behind and march on ahead as a family. Even though it's not what you had signed up for in this relationship, but that doesn't mean you're not grateful for it.

It was Friday night, and Harry and Lisa would be coming in with Moons anytime now. It was a tradition you three had started for your little girl. Anne was coming over too. She wasn't happy with what happened, but she made peace with the situation like her son. You had taken the home you and Harry had bought, and he'd moved into another house close by. You both decided you needed to be closer to Luna. Even though it had led to multiple fights, in the end, you knew it was the best decision to stay close by. A few years ago, when Luna's appendix burst, he was close by to drive you both to the hospital and took care of at the hospital. When you have to go on work trips, he is there to take her in. It's an unconventional set-up, but it works.

Harry walks into your house with a very smiley Lisa on his arm. "Why are you smiling so much?" You ask her. She shows you her hand coyly. "Harry proposed to me this afternoon." Anne looks up from her phone, surprised. She smiles wide and the couple "Oh honey! I'm so happy for you both!" She rushes to hug the couple. Luna runs up to Lisa and Harry to embrace them. "I'm so happy for Pa! and you too, Lise!" Harry reaches down to her level and kisses her on the cheek. You were just standing and watching this exchange, kind of stunned. You knew they were serious, but you didn't think he was going to propose. You quickly recover and walk over to Lisa, "I'm so happy for you, Lisa! Congratulations!" You hug her, and over her shoulder, you can see Harry looking at you, and you wipe your eyes quickly and pull away from the hug.

The night goes better than you'd expected. You all celebrated with a nice bottle of wine and stories of how they met, and she told stories of her first few times interacting with Moons. Overall it was a beautiful night of reminiscing. Too bad you disagreed. You'd had a little too much to drink and caught Harry looking over to you every time you refilled your glass. You knew better than to call him out on it. So you just sat in a corner and wished you'd disappear.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

You wake by the incessant ringing coming from your phone. It's Harry. It's pretty late for him to be calling you, so you answer. "Harry, what's wrong?" You ask.

"Open your door; I'm outside." He speaks. You look at the time on your phone and get back on call. "What are you doing here? Why'd you call?" You ask again. "Just come out. I'll explain." You get out of bed and wear your robe and walk downstairs to your main door.

"Harry. What are you doing here? Are you drunk?" You look at him, confused.

He walks in. "I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have asked Lisa to marry me. I knew it when I broke the news to you today. I knew it was a bad call. I thought you wanted me to move on, but looking at your face today, I couldn't believe I had done that to you." He breathes out.

You look at him wide-eyed at his confession. "What the fuck? Did you just walk in here thinking you were going to make this stupid fucking argument and I was going to fall for it?" You say to him.

"Y/N, I know you love me."

"Of course, I love you, you bloody moron. I do, and I have for the last 15 years. But you cheated on me, remember? And you brought Lisa into our lives, whom I love very dearly, by the way. So what do you think was going to happen?"

"I can't stand being away from you. Living so close, yet you won't let me come near you. It's been killing me slowly each day." His lip was trembling as tears well in his eyes.

"Harry, you made this choice 4 years ago. You asked her to marry you. Why would you do this to me now?"

"I just need to kiss you once, please. Harry pleads.

"Think about Luna. Think about what you're ruining for her. We have already broken up our family. You can't break it anymore and cause her pain, please. I love you, I do. Very very much, and I can't stand here and watch you ruin yet another relationship, Harry."

"Please listen to what I'm saying. I love you, goddamnit! I need you to recognise that. I need you to tell me it will be okay, and we will be okay."

"We are okay, H. As okay as we can be. Please go back home to your fiancé, and don't bring this up again ever. For the sake of our daughter. Please." You're pleading with him now with tears streaming freely.

You turn around and walk back to your room. You laid back on your bed and cried quietly into your pillow.

You knew what you were going to do.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

You stand outside the door of your ex's mother. You have no idea how you will tell her what you have done to her daughter-in-law to be. But you had no one to turn to. So, you ring the doorbell and wait for her to open the door.

"Hello, darling! What a wonderful surprise!" She beams at you. You give her a small smile and walk into the house. You get comfortable on the couch in the living area while she closes the door and comes up to where you're sitting. "Moonie didn't want to come along?" She asks as she goes back to folding the laundry you had caught her in the midst of. "No, it's just me today." You spoke. "Let me put on some tea, and we'll have a good ol' mother-daughter chat. What d'ya say?" She smiles. "Yes. That sounds like a great plan." You smiled.

You both sat at the kitchen island, sipping on peppermint tea and mindlessly talking about things and catching up. You had yet to tell her. "Darling, let's stop beating around the bush, shall we?" Anne says to you. You freeze. She couldn't have known, but she definitely knows what's up.

"Harry came to talk to me the night he proposed." You looked down at your cup shamefully. Anne reached out to place her palm on yours, "I know. He told me." She smiles sadly.

"Yeah, and I can't live here anymore knowing how he feels." You whisper. "Are you going to tell him?" Anne seems calm like she understands how this must feel. "No." You look up at her with tears welling up in your eyes.

She gets up from across the table and comes around to where you are seated. She reaches out to you, and you lean into her and hold her waist, silently crying.

"Everything will fall in place, my child."

-----------------------------------------------------------------

You travelled a lot the following month, so it was easier to avoid Harry after that conversation you had. You had spent countless nights crying into your pillow. You knew you had to go back to therapy. You couldn't slip now. You had been doing so well.

Moonie was supposed to stay with you tonight. Harry would be dropping her off from ballet any moment now. You had been avoiding him ever since the incident between you too. You couldn't bear to look at him or Lisa. You just made up excuses most Fridays, some of which you were travelling, so it wasn't that big a deal. You were home to spend time with your girl and back to the office. Today, you'd just have to suck it up and face him. You didn't know what you'd say, but you couldn't avoid him forever. The thought alone had your stomach-churning. Suddenly the tacos you had for lunch didn't seem to be such a great idea. You walked into the kitchen and poured yourself a glass of cold water. You took an icepack from the fridge and carried both the items, and sat back on the couch with your head leaned back. You checked your phone for the time, and just in time, the bell rang. You got up from the sofa and walked up to the door. Opened the door to find Moonie, Harry and Lisa, all standing in front of you. You could see her ring glistening even in the porch light outside your home.

Suddenly you felt lightheaded and reached for the doorframe to steady yourself. Before you could think, you sunk down. But Harry was quick to catch you. Harry knelt beside you and laid your head on his lap, "It's okay, you're okay." He said softly. "Lisa! could you bring her some water, please". That's the last thing you heard before you passed out.

He was still standing behind you. "Are you feeling ill?" You rolled your eyes at him, you tried to sit up, and he helps you. "No, I think it's just the travelling." His eyes softened at your comment, "I've been calling you; you know? Why didn't you answer any of my calls?" He asks.

What were you supposed to say to that? I'm sorry that you want to leave your fiancé for me? Instead, you just shrugged. "I've been busy, Harry. Actually, I don't feel so good right now, so could we maybe talk about this later?" You turned to look at him. He moved backwards and out of your way to give you some room. "Yeah, sure. Can I get you something? I can stay with you for a few hours." He asked. "No. That won't be necessary, Harry. Please go home."

You walk into the living room and find Lisa making a cup of tea. "Hey, you feeling any better?" She smiles at you. She pours the tea into a cup and brings it over to you, "It always helped me, so I figured why not?" You thank her and take the cup from her.

"Yeah, I think it's just the stress from travelling so much. I'll be okay in a few days. I think I'm going to turn in." You asked. "Of course, darling. You just feel better, okay?" She smiles at you. "Honey, Let's head home and give this one some time to rest." She walks up to Harry and puts her arm around him, and sweetly pecks his cheek. He smiles, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Yeah, I'll just go say goodbye to her", And he walks towards your daughter's room.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Harry : I need to see you, please.

You: Come over after dinner today.

Harry: See you x

"Are we going to talk about what happened?" He raises an eyebrow at you. "I think we're past the stage of talking at this point." You sigh. "What do you mean?" He asks. He's furrowing his brows at you like he does when he's concerned about something.

"I'm leaving, Harry."

"What."

"Yeah, I have been planning it for 2 months now. I don't know how long I'll be gone."

"I came to tell you that I ended things with Lisa, and I wanted to give us a real shot. Give Moonie an actual shot at a family."

"I don't need to tell you anything, really. We can figure out the details of how we're going to manage custody later over text or call."

"So you're just going to leave your daughter go to god knows where?" He asks you.

"I can't be here anymore, Harry. This opportunity will bring countless more opportunities for Moonie and me. And I need to do this for myself. Now, if you will please." You show him the door.

That was the last time you'd see Harry for a long time. But that's something he didn't need to know.

You didn't know if you'd be able to go through with it. But it had to be done. If Harry were to leave Lisa or not, it had to be on his terms, not because he was in love with you.

A few months later

When you told Anne about your plan, she wasn't exactly on board. But she understood, and she loved you. So, of course, she brought you to her farmhouse for you to stay. You and Luna made an agreement that she wouldn't tell her Pa that you're camping out here. Anne would bring her down on weekends. You'd found a strange confidante in your daughter. Not that you'd go into the details of your relationship with Harry, but she understood many things that you didn't give her credit for. That's how you spent the past few months. Getting to know your daughter, who hadn't been a stranger to your problems with Harry, even though that's how you wanted it to be.

You were sipping your morning coffee as you check your emails for anything you had lined up for the day. The date was looming over you, and you just needed to be as distracted as to not think about the wedding happening right now. You need to occupy yourself with work. So, you open the email folder and find an email from Lisa. She has tried to reach out to your multiple times on call and via text, but you always make an excuse about work or being sick. With time she stopped reaching out so often, and you felt less guilty for moving away.

Dear Leyla,

I can't say I haven't missed you these past few months. Hope you're well. I'm getting married today, and you're not here. In a way, I get why you left. But I just wanted to let you know that I wanted you here, just as much Moonie and Harry. Especially him. But you already knew that, didn't you?

With time, I hope he loves me just as much you love him.

Love,

Lisa.

You couldn't stop crying now. You knew that she knew.

#harry one shot #harry angst #harry styles angst #angsty drabble #angsty fic #hq angst #sad and lonely #husband and wife #self love #lovers #i love him #harry smile #harry icons #harry fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry edward styles #harries #harry styles

[white-collar-lawmen-and-conmen]

Future

A/N: Yikes. I cried several times writing this. I'm very proud of how it turned out - I think it's one of my strongest pieces on the entire blog - but be warned: bring tissues. Also, Mozzie's quote is originally from Abraham Lincoln. Requested by @ladykeqing

Summary: In the wake of Neal's death, a regret haunts you.

Word Count: 1,964

Peter sat you down and told you in his home. Well… just June’s home, now. The way Mozzie had trailed behind him, for once wordless… His face looking ashen… A part of you had known even before Peter asked you to sit down.

“He told me to say he’s sorry,” Peter said, barely more than a whisper that somehow felt deafening to your brain. “And that he loves you more than you know.”

The room was suddenly stifling. It was more than just the emotions in the air, layering over each other into a thick, caustic fog. It was the darkening of shadows that stretched in from the glass doors, and the silence of the record player that drove deep into their eardrums to muffle the little sounds of life coming from each other. The penthouse was, in an instant, so tiny and deathly empty, and you wished so dearly that you’d been at your own apartment. Staying the weekend had seemed like such a great idea before you abruptly became the only resident.

For a few seconds, you had a mind to just stay put and let the shadows come and take over. To let the agonizing ache of loss engulf your entire heart and continue expanding until it was bigger than your body and you disappeared forever. All so you wouldn’t have to keep looking at the records Neal would never again play and the table he would never again sit at. So you would never have to spend a last moment in the home of your lover before turning your back on it and, by extension, him.

Without him, there was nowhere to turn. The prospect of your remaining lifetime without your partner made your chest and throat tighten with another round of sobs. It all felt so dim. You tried to hold it back, but couldn’t last long before your hands were to your mouth and a strangled whimper was breaking from your lips.

Mozzie could have fooled you into thinking he hadn’t heard, so resolute he was in boring a hole into the rug with his stare. Peter looked towards you with deep brown eyes, solicitous and pleading at the same time. He was as stunned as you were – but where you were being crushed under the weight of isolation, at least Peter got to go home to El. You didn’t have anyone to go home to anymore. Hell, without Neal, did you even have a home at all?

You envied Mozzie. Really, you did. His Buddhist leanings might be a comfort to him, able to think of Neal’s absence as temporary, or his spirit as remaining around them in some way or form. But when you tried to imagine you could feel him still there, the encroaching shadows and silent record player and empty bed all drew together at once until you were drowning in the lack. It was as if your haywire senses were punishing you for thinking even for a moment that you could feel your loss as anything less than absolute. He was gone and the world was permanently less wonderful.

A gunshot. Neal hated guns so much. Maybe this was why.

Wait. No. Time didn’t work like that. Right? He couldn’t hate something for a reason that hadn’t happened yet.

Laughter that bordered on hysterical bubbled out of your throat as you anxiously covered your face, waiting for the mania to pass. Laughter was easier than sobs. It physically hurt less. Emotionally it was so much worse. You could feel the concerned eyes on you while you waited until your desperate giggles died, just like your partner.

“I never said,” you said, wresting the words out before cries – or worse, more laughs – forced themselves out instead. You looked down with shame and guilt. His last words to you were almost cruel. Tender in their meaning, but cruel in consequence – he would never know how deeply you cared for him. You hoped he did. Didn’t you show it all the time? But that was different from hearing the words out loud, and now not only were you going on without Neal, but you were going on carrying the burden of knowing you hadn’t been able to offer him the comfort of certainty in knowing he had been loved in life and would be grieved in death. “I never got to tell him I love him.”

The mere look that Peter gave you in response would have broken your heart if it hadn’t already been lying shattered somewhere between your stomach and the floor. It was as if he were imagining for himself not getting to tell Elizabeth how he felt, or worse, imagining how alone or afraid she might feel if she didn’t know there were somebody fighting for her and remembering her every day.

Sobs would come any moment now. Your throat was tighter than a string on a violin, and any minute you’d stop being able to breathe. In, out, you reminded yourself. Keep it together just a moment more. And then another moment after that. You couldn’t break down until you were alone. You didn’t know why you couldn’t break in front of Neal’s family, but didn’t have the energy to question it, either, not when you barely had the energy not to scream and weep into your hands.

“He knew.” Mozzie’s words were quiet but startling and said with all the confidence of Neal himself. “You didn’t have to say it.”

“But he deserved to hear.” Knowing it and hearing it were different games and Neal, for all his faults, deserved to hear it, too. “He deserved to come home. I don’t…” You lost your train of thought. Why were you talking about yourself when you weren’t the one whose brilliant life had been stolen? After a small shake of your head, you sniffed and shakily breathed out. “We had an entire future. And now there’s nothing left.”

You could see it passing in your imagination, all the little milestones that you’d come to anticipate. Content days at home, interspersed with adventures to his favorite places around the world, marked by marriage and birthdays and achievements and anniversaries. You’d never articulated them out loud, never even realized fully that you’d started to await those days, but now you saw them vanishing and you realized not only were you having to grieve for the best man you’d ever known, but you’d also have to grieve for the missed experiences and joys that he had lost, and the shared life that you had to give up on, as well.

Mozzie finally looked up to you and you noticed that his eyes were puffy and red behind his glasses. You didn’t even know someone could cry that silently. “The best thing about the future,” he quoted, slow and weighty, probably to keep his own voice level. “Is that it comes one day at a time.”

The comfort was meaningless to you. One day at a time was worthwhile when it was endless days of love and companionship. When that was gone, it was just day after day of being adrift with nothing to hold onto.

You sniffed again and replied in a surprisingly even voice, “My future is laying in the morgue.”

~Future~

Leaving Y/N was one of the hardest things Mozzie had ever done, and he had a lot of challenges and dubious decisions in his past. Leaving her to wallow and suffer rubbed him in every wrong way possible, except for the one where it meant – at least for now – that she would be safe. He didn’t think, if he stayed, that he would be able to hold back from blurting out the truth. He couldn’t even look at her for fear of spilling. Not once her tears started. He couldn’t watch his friend, and his best friend’s love at that, weep with agony she didn’t need to feel.

Neal begged to differ, though Mozzie knew that it tore his heart in two to hear her voice over the long-distance connection. When Mozzie was sure the suit was out of earshot, and that Y/N and June had both stayed inside, he lifted his phone from his pocket and breathed heavily in the cold December air that seemed to burn his lungs.

“Did you hear all that?” He asked, impressively steady and managing to get his criticism and support across with his tone simultaneously.

He took off his glasses, thankful Neal couldn’t see that he, too, needed to wipe his eyes dry. Alive was good. Alive but far away and unreachable – at least for the foreseeable future – was still painful.

“I did,” Neal confirmed, voice and heart both heavy somewhere at least a thousand miles away. “I wish…” Neal trailed off, and Mozzie wholly believed that he also needed a moment to compose himself. Why either of them bothered pretending not to cry, he didn’t understand, but they had already dedicated themselves to the farce. “She’s safer this way. If she looks for me, we’re all in danger.”

“If you let this go on, she will never forgive you.” Mozzie warned, thinking about the broken look on your face. It had been like watching a dropped plate shatter in slow motion to see the cracks begin to appear before your very spirit seemed to splinter. Then he thought about how desperately you wished Neal knew you loved him, and he thought maybe there was a chance that desperate love would override the anger. He amended, “Or, if she does, it’ll never be the same.”

“I know.” Neal agreed readily but with a quiver to his voice. “I want to come home, but not if it means visiting her grave.”

“The cautious way it is.” Mozzie put his glasses back on his face, bravely shoring up his willpower. “I can’t know where you are, and she can’t know you’re out there.”

“Keep an eye on her for me.”His voice was full of sorrow and longing.

“Of course.” Neal didn’t even need to ask. If there came a time when the Panthers were dealt with and Neal could – well, if not return home, at least be reunited with Y/N somewhere without an extradition treaty, Mozzie would be the first to set it in motion. “Be well, mon frére.”

“You, too, Moz.”

The line went dead.

~Future~

Approximately four thousand miles away, on a windy beach, Neal stood barefoot in the dark, watching the light from the moon reflect off the choppy, shallow surf. The breeze drifted through his hair and bit across his face with the sting of northern weather.

He looked down at the open phone in his hand, fighting every feeling in him to turn it back on and beg Mozzie to take the phone back up to his former penthouse. Or, worse, to turn his whole body around and get on a ferry to the mainland, and fly back to New York as fast as possible to hold you in his arms. The heartbreak in your voice had been almost too much for him to bear. It would have been, if not for his terror of being reckless and selfish and letting you pay the price.

He had known you loved him, and because he loved you so unbelievably much in return, he couldn’t go home. Not yet. He would work on it from afar, where no one knew he was breathing, much less could trace him back to his darling. One day, if he were incredibly lucky, he could come home and you would still have space for him in your heart and mind. For now, he would have to settle on replaying your words in his head.

I love you, too.

Neal hurled the phone out into the ocean.

#white collar #white collar x reader #lawmen and conmen #neal caffrey #neal caffrey x reader #fanfic #fic #oneshot #future #hurt #angst #sad #requested #drama

[eirikaanemo]

My Celebrity Childhood Friend

Warnings: minor character death, sad feels

Venti x GN!Reader

2k Words

Many years ago, when you were eight years old, you had two very close friends. Their names were Venti and Himmel. The three of you did everything together. You were very close. All of you thought your friendship would be forever and that you would always be close. But, unfortunately, that's not what happened.

One day you and Venti received the news that Himmel had passed away. It was really difficult for both of you to accept the reality of his death, grieve, and move on with your lives. In the end, you couldn’t even help each other. Spending time together only reminded you of how Himmel wasn’t there anymore.

Eventually Venti just couldn’t take it anymore. So his family moved out. Losing Himmel had hurt, but losing Venti too reopened the almost healing wound in your heart. He didn’t even say goodbye because he thought he’d chicken out if he did. And so there you were, friendless, hurt, and feeling very, very alone.

Your only solace was in practicing the piano. The three of you had all been learning instruments and playing together before. The idea was to become a band of sorts together and play music professionally. Himmel played violin, Venti played guitar, and you played piano. Playing the piano was all you had left of them, so you continued playing and practicing it.

Years pass and you move on as much as you can. You make new friends and try new things. Piano is still important to you but you do new things now too. But even with all of this, there’s a part of you that left with Venti and Himmel. The hurt in your heart is no longer a gaping wound. Yet the pain has never truly gone away.

Then one day you hear a familiar voice on the radio. That voice and guitar combo sounded very familiar. It was a good song and you enjoyed listening to it, but you just couldn’t get the feeling of familiarity out of your mind. However, once the radio host introduced the song, you immediately understood. “And that was Soaring Bird by The Bard. Venti really did himself proud on this one…,” they continued, but you were no longer listening.

Venti was on the radio! What could this mean? You hurriedly took out your phone and ran a search. There he was, Venti, also known as The Bard, is a singer/songwriter who rose to fame after a stint on a television talent show a couple months ago. Well, what do you know? Your childhood friend has followed your childhood dream.

Part of you feels left behind, but you accepted that had happened years ago. So instead you decided to be supportive! Suddenly you have a new favorite singer and you just have to have all his albums. Physical copies, so you can display them. Your bedroom walls are covered with posters.

You now have more The Bard themed t-shirts than you have regular shirts. There’s a concert of his you can go to? You’re there. You promote him with everyone you know. If you hadn’t converted your friends to the truth of Venti supremacy they probably would have gotten sick of your antics by now. Instead they’re almost as invested as you are.

When he finally releases a new album you are thrilled. It’s been almost a year since he released his last one and you’ve been starving for new content. You are first in line to the store to buy the album and listen to it as soon as possible. Track one through four are fantastic and you enjoy them a lot! But then track five starts to play.

It’s more melancholy and nostalgic than other songs he has written. And then you hear the words. The words touch your heart, soothing and healing some of the pain that has remained. At the end he takes a moment to dedicate it to his childhood friend, to you. Not by name, but you know what he means by “my old childhood friend”. You’re tearing up.

I’m sorry I was too blind to see

That you were suffering as much as me

You were left behind, I was moving on

And you were left to carry on

It wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair

That I chose to just leave you there

We’re not really close now, are we

But I just want to say I’m sorry

You listened to it over and over again, crying in your room. Maybe it was stupid but that was something you didn’t even know you’ve been wanting to hear for years. Knowing that he felt bad about leaving you behind and hearing an apology from him meant the world to you.

And it just so happens that the song he dedicated to you is your friends’ new favorite song. If they didn’t know about your history with him before, then they sure know now. You’re still struggling to not cry every time it plays. Sure, maybe some of your dirty laundry was now being aired all around the world. But that wasn’t important.

What was important was that your heart was finally able to heal. You were truly able to feel happy again, for the first time since you were eight years old. Life had color again. There was more of a bounce to your step. Your friends noticed that your smiles even seemed more real now.

So when you learned that Venti would be doing an album signing event, you just knew you had to go. And you knew just which album you wanted to have signed. Now all you could think about was getting the album signed. How would he react to seeing you again? Would he recognize you? You really hope he does. It would really hurt if he doesn’t.

All of a sudden you’re now worrying if this is a good idea at all. Your friends managed to convince you to go, but you were really close to not going at all. And even now that you’re here at the signing you’re half considering running away. But instead you steel your courage and get in line.

You try not to think about it as the line slowly creeps forward. Making small talk with those around you in line might help, but you’re too nervous to even try social interaction. You’re twentieth in line, then tenth, then fifth, then second. Now it’s your turn and you approach the table he’s sitting at to sign the albums.

He’s wearing a white button up shirt, green slacks, and a green beanie with a flower on it. He’s dyed the tips of his braids teal and wears some light makeup to bring out the color of his eyes. You suddenly feel very underdressed as you anxiously walk up and hand him the album.

“Hi Venti,” you say softly. “It’s good to see you again.” He looks up sharply and freezes for a second, wide eyed. “Oh my gosh!” He exclaims, jumping up out of his seat. “It’s so good to see you again! It’s been so long!” You smile, feeling more comfortable and sure of yourself now that you know he recognizes you.

Someone behind him clears their throat and sits back down. “I can’t really talk right now,” he admits, sheepishly. “We don’t want to hold up the line, but hold on a sec.” He opens the album and scribbles something on the inside of the opaque cover. “That’s my number,” he whispers quietly to you. “Text me later, okay? I’ll get back to you when I can.”

You nod and move on, only realizing he didn’t actually sign the case until you were down the hall from where he was signing. Laughing a little, you sit down on a bench and pull out your phone. That was such a Venti-like thing for him to do. Sometimes he would get so excited that he’d forget what he was supposed to be doing.

Opening your texting app, you typed in his number and sent him a message.

You: Hi! Is this the right number? I’m the one you wrote song number five about.

It took a couple hours for him to reply. Which is very understandable considering how he was probably signing albums for a while.

Venti: Yes! This is the right number! It’s so good to hear from you again :)

Venti: And I’m so glad you heard that song

Venti: I really am sorry about leaving like that

You: I won’t lie and say that it’s fine, because it really hurt that you left like that

You: But I really appreciate your song that you wrote for me. I cry every time I hear it

Venti: Oh no! I didn’t mean to make you sad :(

You: Happy tears, Venti. They’re all happy tears

Venti: Oh, okay, that’s good :)

Venti: Want to come eat lunch with the staff and me?

Venti: They’re all really curious about you

Venti: The mysterious childhood friend I wrote a whole song about

You: Sure! How do I find you?

Venti: You don’t! Where are you? I’ll send someone to pick you up ;)

You send him your location and wait around for someone to come pick you up. After a while a nicely dressed woman approaches you and gestures for you to follow her. She leads you to a car and drives you to a restaurant. A waiter takes you to one of the closed off rooms for group events.

Approximately two seconds after the door is closed, you are hug tackled to the floor. Venti cheerfully cheers your name right into your ear. You grumble good naturedly and swat at him until he laughs and gets off you. He offers his hand, you take it, and he helps you stand up. Some chuckles from the staff tell me they’re just as amused as he is by the situation.

This sets the tone for your lunch. It’s lighthearted and you have a great time getting to know each other again. He introduces the staff and they admit they’ve been curious about his childhood friend he wrote a song about. You enjoy eating lunch with them a lot, and all of you are disappointed when you have to go.

You continue to chat as long as you can while preparing to leave. As you’re gathering your stuff to go, you come across the album that he never actually signed. “Oh yeah,” you laugh. “Venti, you never actually signed my album!”

“Whoops! I’ll sign that right now.” He declares. “Though I must admit that I feel a little awkward signing stuff for you.” Finishing writing with a flourish, he hands the album back to you. “But I guess I better get used to it,” he continues. “You better bring the rest of the albums next time!”

Your smile is so bright that he has to squint for a moment.. “I’m looking forward to it already.” You say. “See you later?” He beams right back. “Yep! I’ll let you know the next time we can meet up!”

The grin stays on your face all the way home.

You meet up whenever you can after that, though your schedules don’t always match up enough to allow it. Video calls are common when he goes on tour. It’s like the two of you never split. And eventually your friendship becomes something more.

“Hey, could I ask you a question?” Venti asks you over a video call one night. He’s acting a little funny, nervous with a dash of hope and excitement. “Would you like to go out with me sometimes? Like a date?” You chuckle, amused. “Venti, you’re on tour right now. It’s not like we could go out to dinner or something.”

“You’re right that we can’t go out to dinner together, but we could eat at the same time over a video call! I’ll even call and order food for you or something!” Venti plans. “Sure,” you agree. “I think I’d like that.” He pumps his fist in the air. “Yes!” He shouts. “I’m gonna make this the best long-distance date ever!”

And so he does.

#eirika writes #genshin venti #venti #venti x reader #genshin impact x reader #celebrity au

[doctorstethoscope]

Ranked Scale || A. Hotchner x Reader

Hiiii it’s @ssahotchswife ‘s Soft Hotch Saturday again

warnings: slight angst, mention of canon-typical violence and death, light swearing

Reader has a bad day and Aaron comforts them.

wc: 1k

It was a Friday night, and you were going to spend it with a man who loved you-- you were going to cook dinner, share a bottle of wine, and cuddle on the couch. So, essentially, you had no reason to be so frustrated, but you were. Not with Aaron, of course, who rarely had a free night and was choosing to spend it with you, but because of the absolute shit day you’d had at work. 

You were determined not to let it ruin your night, but there was no amount of stress-cleaning that could calm you down. Once the apartment was spotless, you started on dinner. You were giving an onion an aggressive chop before Aaron knocked and let himself in. For Jack’s sake, you had agreed not to move in together until you were engaged, but you had keys to each other’s places-- and you hoped you’d be able to move soon.  

“Hi, angel,” Aaron said, meeting you in the kitchen and dropping a kiss to the top of your head. You melted a little despite yourself-- Aaron’s presence always allowed you to settle, at least a little bit. 

“Hi, my love. It’s good to see you.” You said to the cutting board, focused intently on your chopping. 

“Are you okay? You’re tense,” he says, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind. Damn profilers. 

“Better now that you’re here,” You answered honestly, tilting your chin up to leave a kiss on his jaw. “D’you want to get a pot of water started for the pasta?” You asked, hoping to distract him with a task. He gives your hips a little squeeze before he separates from you, a reminder that he sees your emotions and that they’re important to him. 

“Hon, this chicken isn’t defrosted.” 

You absolutely were not going to cry over frozen chicken. “You sure?” You asked with a drastic sigh, your chin already quivering. 

“Yeah, I’m sure. We can just order takeout, it’s not a big deal.”

“You had takeout all week on this case. I wanted to make you dinner. With vegetables.” You complained. 

“It’s okay. You can make me fresh cereal in the morning and we’ll call it even.” He jokes with you, and you absolutely lose it. You’re crying before any cell in your body can tell you to stop, and you watch as Aaron’s face contorts from that silly grin that you love so much, to a picture of concern. 

“Angel, what’s the matter?” He asks, but you’re already taking off to the bedroom, shutting the door behind you. It doesn’t stop him from entering. 

“Can you go for a walk or something? And come back when I’m not acting completely certifiable?” You asked, your words muffled as you had settled into the bed on your stomach, face firmly planted in a pillow. 

“Sweetheart, I know you’re not this upset about dinner, so will you please tell me what’s going on?” he asks, settling himself next to you in bed and rubbing a soothing hand over your back. 

“It’s silly,” you tell him, flipping over so that you’re on your back and he can hear you better. You stare up at the ceiling, not willing to look him in the eye when you know you look like a mess. 

“I’m sure it’s not.” He tells you, taking one of your hands in his.

“I just had a rough day at work. I missed a deadline because a client didn’t get their edits back to me in time, but my boss didn’t even care that it wasn’t my fault. And I’m working on that project with a couple of guys from finance, and they are not pulling their weight at all, and it’s getting overwhelming. And it’s like, really, who am I to complain, because yes, that’s annoying, but I’m not exactly putting on a vest and chasing after serial killers, and I don’t have to comfort grieving family members, or study dead bodies, or--”

“Hey, hey.” He said, cutting you off. “There’s no ranked scale of suffering, hon. There are parts of my job that are hard, and there are parts of your job that are hard, and they are just hard in different ways. You don’t ever have to feel like you can’t tell me about work stuff because you think my job is harder-- I chose my path and you chose yours, and sometimes work just sucks, regardless of what you chose.” 

“I’m sorry. I really didn’t want my bad attitude to ruin our night.” You tell him, sitting up in bed and wiping the tears away from your face. 

“You didn’t ruin anything, and you don’t have a bad attitude. You’re upset, and that’s allowed, and I’d like to help make you feel better if you’d let me.” He tells you, and you take a moment to consider it. 

‘Okay,” you tell him, feeling shier than you’d like. 

“Go ahead and lay back down.” He tells you, pulling the blanket you kept at the foot of your bed over you. You snuggle into both him and the mattress, but he stays sitting up. You give him an inquisitive look and he just smiles at you, lifting a hand to play with your hair. It’s so quiet that you almost miss it, but after a moment, he starts to sing. 

“If I fell in love with you, would you promise to be true and help me understand? Cause I’ve been in love before, and I found that love was more than just holding hands.” 

You were practically beaming now, your head resting on his thigh, his hands tracing relaxing patterns on your scalp, and him treating you to his pretty, pretty voice, which he rarely ever did. 

The first time you heard him sing was on your first date, him lazily singing along to the radio as he drove you home. You told him he had a pretty voice-- he blushed, and you decided that you wanted to marry him. Tonight was the night that he’d realize that he wanted to marry you, too.  

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner imagine #hotch x you #hotch x reader #hotchner x reader #hotch x y/n #aaron hotch fanfiction #i feel like this one ends kind of abruptly oops

[dilfukurodani]

Atsumu loved you because you never saw him as a dying person. atsumu x gn reader heavy tw: raw angst, illness, character death, comfort somehow author’s note: listen Me in 20 years by Moses Sumney, it helps you suffer more! wc:

It took you a while to understand how bad the situation was. The first memories you had with him were in high school when you saw him at a volleyball game hitting the ball as if he was born to do it.

Those memories will be stuck in your head as long as you’ll remember him. The first date was a total failure, it had rained during your picnic in the park, you had to run and slip in the mud but Atsumu fell right behind, letting out the most precious melody you’ve ever heard.

When you first moved in together after 3 years of a beautiful relationship everything was perfect. To you the honeymoon phase wasn’t real, Atsumu made a point of honor to always courtise flirt with you as if you weren't nearly engaged.

The night he proposed he took you to the same park on your first date. That night you discovered a new person, he poured his heart out.

“Before I start I want you to understand how bad I'm in love with you y/n. I love everything you are and stand for, your body is perfect even your snoring is beautiful. If 4 years ago you had told me that the cute person who was watching me in the stands would be my soulmate I would have believed you” he laughed, trying to stop the tears in his eyes from overflowing. “You’re a damn masterpiece, I love you and will cherish you, in sickness and health.” he took a deep breath, securing your hands in his, trying not to mess up the speech he wrote at his brother’s restaurant 2 weeks ago. “I want you to be a Miya, my Miya. Y/n, will you marry me?” he was unsure, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you but would you? He felt the happiest man on earth when you said yes and threw yourself  in his arms crying and being ecstatic about marrying the man of your dreams.

In every story, there’s a point where everything goes downhill. For Atsumu it’s the day he received a ball in his head and got forced to take an irm by his managers, coach and teammates. He didn’t tell you because he knew you would freak out and baby him until he got better. But he swore he was good. That’s until the doctor said the worst thing that he could ever heard”

“Miya Atsumu, you have a glioblastoma, unfortunately we are past the benign stage and invasive treatment is the only option. I will give you some time to talk to your family and partner if you have one to choose what we should start.”

He broke down, he sobbed and cried in his car like he just lost you, for him it was the same thing. He was dying and you would be all alone. His breathing was erratic, he was hyperventilating and he felt like dying when he heard his phone vibrating, indicating a new message

“officially my wife: hi love, can you leave practice a little bit early i have something to tell you. i love you and don’t forget to drink water, you big dummy!!!!”

He cried for another 20 minutes before driving back home.

When he came home he saw you sleeping on the couch, soft breathing coming out of you. Since day one for Atsumu you were his angel. He decided to cook something, anxious about what you wanted to tell him.

That night you both cried, it was not happy tears, it was as if your love was doomed. You were pregnant and he was dying. You both fell angry at the universe and everyone. You had told Atsumu that everything would work out and that he will live to see his kid growing up, graduating and even getting married.

Atsumu loved you, he loved you because you never pitied him or treated him as if he was dying. You still pesterated him about leaving socks on the bathroom floor or emptying the last bottle of orange juice without warning you.

However you knew it was bad when you helped him shave his head, he was quiet, slowly carefully hugging you as you were focused on his head. Atsumu knew you were his soulmate and the purest angel on earth when he saw your hair falling on the floor. He lifted his head, but the teary smile you had while shaving your head comforted him somehow. He never complimented you as much as when you showed him your fabulous buzzcut. The day ended with hugs, soft kisses and promises to never let him down.

Years passed, three to be precise, and you really thought God had accorded you some pity and accepted to leave you and Atsumu growing old and dying of old age. It was not.

Everything happened quickly one moment you were brushing your teeth with Atsumu in the bathroom, playfully annoying each other, the moment after you were calling an ambulance crying hysterically when your husband lost consciousness and was slowly stopping breathing.

You were with your daughter, on the side of Atsumu’s hospital bed, watching him take his last breath with his daughter on his chest and your hand in his. His family was here too, everyone was cramped in this little room, watching the scene unfold in front of their eyes.

You tried to stay strong for your daughter but when she whispered “good night daddy i love you, i will take care of mommy just like you asked” you broke down, your knees gave up, you fell and sobbed in his mother’s arms for what felt like an eternity.

Grieving was hard, but thanks to his family you were taken care of, they gave you unconditional love and support. After his death you received a ridiculous big amount of money. You were mad, you remember screaming that money would never bring you back your husband.

You kept your husband’s memory alive, and your daughter too, she grew up in a strong woman. The day she became a doctor she held a speech, in which she thanked her dad for giving her the opportunity to help everyone with the same condition as him. She also thanked you for the love and support. You were proud of your daughter and Atsumu was too.

It took you a while to understand how bad the situation was, but with your daughter next to you it worthed living everything.

extras notes: i cried like a dozen of time

#dilfukurodani #haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyuu angst #haikyuu imagine #astumu x reader #miya astumu #atsumu scenarios #atsumu x y/n #atsumu headcanons #atsumu hcs

[sfb123]

Sapere Aude - Part 8

Book: The Royal Heir

Pairing: King Liam Rys x Queen Riley Brooks

All characters belong to Pixelberry.

Catch Up Here

Series Description: I developed a theory of what I think will happen in TRH Book 4, and I was encouraged by some very lovely people to turn my theory into a fic, so here it is. Basically, Riley is recruited to join the Via Imperii, this series will follow her as she joins them to try and bring them down from the inside, and all of the drama and bombshells she learns along the way. Sapere Aude is Latin for “dare to know” it seemed like an appropriate title.

Rating: PG-13 Adult language, allusions to smut (but nothing graphic), discussions of death, conspiracy, blackmail, and other adult themes.

Warning: The Royal Heir Book 3 Spoilers all over the place.

Word Count: 2,314

Notes: Sorry. This was such a draining chapter to write. I tried to throw some fluff into the beginning, but overall it's a heavy ass chapter. Just remember, this is what you all asked for!

Shout out to my pre-reading possy, @texaskitten30 and @txemrn, and @twinkleallnight​ for my moodboard!

Tags: Meh, they're down there and in the comments. Maybe you'll get them, maybe you won't. Who the fuck knows anymore. If you want to be added or removed, let me know.

The royal family had a wonderful couple of hours together, after Riley and Eleanor returned from Valtoria. Eleanor gifted Liam a picture that she drew for him while she was away. Liam loved it, he loved all of the pictures his daughter made for him. This one would join the others, proudly displayed in his office so that he could brag about Eleanor’s talent to every person that wanted to meet with the King. Some royals made you ‘kiss the ring’ if you wanted something from them, Liam made you look at a gallery of his daughter’s artwork. He was such a proud father. 

They sat on the couch together as Eleanor told stories about her adventures with Uncle Drake over the weekend. Liam sat, listening intently with one arm draped over Riley’s shoulders, occasionally pressing a kiss to her temple. Not only did he know that she was suffering in silence with all of the information she had gathered over the weekend, but he had missed his wife. He missed looking at her, touching her, just being close to her. She missed it too, and made sure to stay snuggled as close to his side as she possibly could, they always found comfort in each other, and comfort was something that she desperately needed in that moment. 

Before they knew it, Drake had returned and picked up Eleanor to spend the night in Ramsford. Riley and Liam said their goodbyes to the pair and returned to their living room to talk. Riley took a deep breath to center herself.

“So I take it, you told Drake?” Liam turned to face her. 

“I’m so sorry Liam, I know you wanted to wait until we had more information before we brought anyone else into it. I just left that party, and everything was so horrible, and I couldn’t call you, and I was all alone and I…” 

Liam pulled Riley close, placing one hand on her cheek, brushing it with his thumb. “Hey, calm down, deep breaths. It’s ok, I’m not upset with you.” He kissed her lips gently. “If there was anyone we could trust with this, it’s Drake.”

She silently nodded and pulled out of Liam’s embrace, taking a seat on the couch and motioning for him to join her. “You’re going to want to sit down Liam. Please sit down.” Liam sat next to her, and she immediately took his hands in hers. Just rip off the band-aid. Get the big stuff out of the way first. “Liam, your mother, she’s alive.” 

She felt Liam’s hands clench in hers, and saw his body stiffen. Silence filled the room, and Riley let it happen. He needed to process this his way, in his time, she was just there for support. “That woman,” Liam refused to refer to her as his mother, and he certainly wouldn’t use her name. As far as he was concerned, there was only one Eleanor worth anything in his life, and she had just left with Drake. “died a long time ago. She was poisoned. You were given misinformation.”

“Liam, she’s alive. I met with her.” She watched his face go through every emotion possible before finally settling on hurt and sadness. 

“You met my moth...her?” A single tear fell down Liam’s face, he looked like a heartbroken child, and it tied Riley’s insides in knots. 

She looked down and nodded her head. “She’s in charge of the Via Imperii in Cordonia. She’s their president.” 

Liam shot up from his seat and began pacing the room. “She brought me into this world, deceived me, and used that deceit to plot my downfall? This will not stand. She has committed treason, she needs to be taken into custody immediately.”

“Liam, you can’t…”

“I don’t give a damn if they release the tape!” He bellowed, interrupting her. 

Riley had never seen Liam this angry, this hurt. She knew telling him was going to be bad, but there was no way she could prepare herself for the sight before her. She approached him tentatively and took his face in both of her hands, stopping him in his tracks and forcing him to look her in the eyes. “Liam, we can’t arrest her because then everyone will know she’s alive. We can hold Barthelemy because of everything else that was on that hard drive, but Godfrey would be released. We can’t let that happen, he’s clearly an enemy of the crown, a cell is the best place for him.”

There was another long silence, and then, Liam’s emotional dam broke. He collapsed to the floor, sobbing. Riley followed him, getting on her knees and collecting him in her arms, holding him close, and letting him cry. They stayed that way for several moments, Liam sobbing while Riley rubbed soothing circles on his back and pressed kisses to the top of his head, hoping the embrace would help relax him. 

He finally broke the silence, speaking through sobs. “I spent...my life...grieving her.” He pulled away from Riley, looking in her eyes. She felt her heart tighten at the sight of his red eyes and tear stained cheeks. “I spent my life thinking she loved me, but I clearly meant nothing to her.” 

“Liam, she loved you...she loves you. I could see it in the way she spoke about you.” She gently wiped the tears from his face. “Those letters, those journal entries we found, they were all real. She genuinely felt all of those things for you.” She watched the confusion in Liam’s eyes, he was clearly torn on how he should receive this information. She knew there was more she had to tell him, but she wasn’t sure if he would be able to handle it. “Liam, there’s more. I can wait if you would rather…”

“No, that’s alright. Please, continue.” He switched on his stoic royal facade and stood from the floor, extending his hand to help Riley up. 

Riley took his hand and stood, linking their fingers together before he could pull away. “You have a younger brother.”

Liam’s grip on Riley’s hand tightened as the tears again began to fall. Riley guided him slowly back to the couch, helping him sit down. She sat down next to him and stroked his hair as he sat in silence, staring off into the distance. “Is he…?”

“He was raised in the Via Imperii by your mother. He’s currently working in the Palace.” She took a deep breath to prepare herself to make the next statement. “Thomas is your brother.”

Liam’s head dropped forward, his breath hitching with every attempt to calm himself. There was a long silence in the room. Riley continued to rub Liam’s back in an attempt to comfort him, silently wishing he would say something. Anything. Yell, scream, break a vase. Then she could at least get an idea of what he was feeling, and do something to try to help. Suddenly, he stood from his seat and started walking toward the door. 

“Liam, where are you going?”

“I need to take a walk. Gather my thoughts.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, I need to be alone right now. You stay here, I’ll be back shortly.”

He never turns down my company, he always wants me with him. Is he mad at me? Should I not have told him? 

She heard the door slam shut and she looked up. He was gone. 

No goodbye, no kiss, no I love you. He’s never just walked out like that. What am I supposed to do?

She picked up her phone off the table and dialed Bastien, asking him if he was with Liam. He informed her that he was told to stand down. Riley ordered Bastien to follow him and keep an eye on her husband. She never gave Bastien a direct order, usually she would just ask politely, so he understood that this was a serious situation, and complied. 

Riley fought every urge she had to follow him out that door and stay by his side, regardless of him telling her not to. If this was how Liam needed to process, she wasn’t going to get in the way of that. She tried not to take his actions or words personally, given the atomic bomb she just dropped on him, but part of her felt like he was upset with her, and she didn’t want to be in his face to make him more upset, that was the last thing either of them needed. She had sent Bastien, and he would keep her looped in if something were to happen. 

It had been well over an hour since Liam had left their quarters. Riley had tried calling a couple of times, but his phone was going straight to voicemail. She had passed the point of letting him process, and crossed into worry and mild panic. She sat in bed trying to read a book, but what she was actually doing was reading one sentence over and over again. There was no way she would be able to concentrate on anything until Liam got back. 

Riley finally let out a long breath when she heard the front door open and close. She put down her book and prepared herself. Liam entered the room with his head down, even though she couldn’t see his face, she could tell how tired he was. He walked straight to his closet without looking up, or saying a word to her. She wasn’t sure what to do or say, so she figured it would be best to let him come to her first. 

A few minutes later, Liam walked out of his closet and headed for the bed, not making eye contact with Riley. He silently pulled the covers back and got into the bed. Riley was sitting up, watching his every movement. She couldn’t take it anymore, she had to break the silence. “Liam…” She said barely above a whisper, he turned his head and looked at her for the first time since arriving home. “I’m sorry.” She placed her hand gently over his. 

“Riley, you have nothing to apologize for. I am the one that wanted you to do this. You did nothing wrong. None of this is on you.” He smiled a sad, soft smile at her. 

“Fine, but you’re not allowed to blame yourself either.” He looked at her with a confused expression. “What you just said, telling me you were the one that wanted me to do this. I know you Liam Rys, better than anyone. You’re thinking about how you brought all of this on yourself.” Liam started to look down, but Riley wouldn’t let him. She held his chin between her thumb and forefinger, forcing him to look her in the eyes. “This is all on them, it’s the Via Imperii’s fault. That’s why we’re going to take them down. Together. Just like Anton, just like Auvernal, just like Barthelemy, just like any other enemy that has ever, or will ever come our way. We are the King and Queen of Cordonia, Liam and Riley Rys. We are a force to be reckoned with.” She never broke eye contact with him once, ensuring she got her point across.

Liam took a deep breath, removing his wife’s hand from his chin and bringing it to his lips. “You always know just what to say, love.”

“Years of diplomatic training. I need to be prepared for every possible scenario.” She winked at him, and he chuckled. She was relieved to see his mood lift ever so slightly. It was a start. “C’mon, let’s try to get some sleep. We can circle back to this nightmare in the morning, start working on a plan.” They both laid back onto the bed, and into each others arms. 

In the middle of the night, Riley’s eyes fluttered open. She was laying face to face with Liam, who was looking at her with worry in his eyes, gently running his hand up and down her arm. 

“Hey, are you ok?” She lifted her hand and ran her fingers through his hair. 

“Please don’t leave me, Riley.” Liam’s voice trembled as he looked at his wife with pleading eyes. 

Riley sat up straight in bed, confused by Liam’s statement. “Liam, never. I love you, you’re stuck with me for life.”

He gave her a sad smile that didn’t meet his eyes. “I just...there have been so many people that said they cared about me, and then left. Losing them was so hard. But if I lost you Riley, I don’t know how I would be able to continue on. You are the most important part of me, my everything. I don’t exist without you.”

Riley’s heart broke at Liam’s confession. After the way they left things before she fell asleep, she never would have thought that this would be a conversation they would be having. And it definitely wasn’t a conversation she was expecting to have at 3AM. She cupped his face in her hands and stroked his cheeks with her thumbs. “Liam, I promise you with all my heart, and everything I am, that there is nothing on this earth that could take me away from you. My husband and my daughter are the greatest joys of my life. A world without the two of you is not a world I would ever even want to think about.”

Without another word, Liam leaned forward and kissed her. He used that kiss as an outlet for all of the emotions battling inside of him. He gently guided Riley to lay in her back as he rolled on top of her. 

“Show me.” He whispered. 

“Yes, my king.”

Riley and Liam spent the rest of the night getting lost in each other, finding the comfort they so desperately needed.

Continue Reading

Tags: @txemrn @texaskitten30 @kingliam2019 @anjanettexcordonia @twinkleallnight @mile9213 @kittypryde-bipride @motorcitymademadame @kat-tia801 @bebepac @gkittylove99 @khoicesbyk @jessiembruno @queenrileyrose @athena-penrose @pixie88 @eadanga @choicesficwriterscreations @iaminlovewithtrr @hopelessromanticmonie @annarenee355 @burnsoslow @shewillreadyou @imturaxamara @gabesmommie1130 @cordoniaqueensworld​ @hopefulmoonobject​

#choices #play choices #choices stories you play #pixelberry #choices trr #choices trh #trr/trh #trr fandom #trh fandom #trr fanfic #trh fanfic #the royal romance #the royal heir #trh book 3 #choices the royal romance #choices the royal heir #king liam #trr king liam #trh king liam #trr liam x mc #trh liam x mc #trr mc #trh mc #choices fic writers creations #sapere aude

[btsqualityy]

Heaven Sent; Part 6

Jin x Reader

Genre: Angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

Warnings: Emotional manipulation (at least, that’s what I think it would be catergorized as).

Month seven was a month of exploration. After you and Jin admitted to being attracted to each other and deciding to try things out to see what happens, you were seemingly thrown into the deep end with how open Jin became after that.

You learned that he loves to cook, and that he would’ve been a chef if he hadn’t taken over the business end of his father’s restaurants. He double majored in both business and culinary arts, and he was Hae-il’s roommate and the first person that he met during their first year. He loves trot music, and you’ve unfortunately been on the receiving end of him serenading you with a song numerous times. He also loves video games and you were willing to bet that if he didn’t have to work, then he’d been stuck behind a computer screen playing games all day. 

There was just so much more to Jin and his personality that you never knew about, and you couldn’t believe that you found yourself liking him more and more as the two of you spent more time together. 

“Uncle Jinnie, can I get the songpyeon?” Aera asked Jin from her place perched on his shoulders and you couldn’t help but to laugh at the way that she pronounced the word. The three of you had met for brunch at a little café down the block from his office, where he had been doing some work.

“Little Heart, we’ve talked about this,” Jin chuckled as he patted her feet where they swung lightly by his chin. “Just say rice cakes.”

“But I’m a big girl and that’s what the sign says!” She shot back and you smiled as you looked up at her.

“Don’t remind me,” you chuckled. “You’re growing up too fast Love.”

“Can I get them uncle Jinnie?” Aera asked again, and you and Jin could both hear the impatience that had creeped into her tone so he rapidly nodded before turning to the cashier.

“Can we have two pink lemonades, an iced Americano, a songypeon and two dasiks?” Jin ordered and the cashier nodded. Jin then reached down, pulling his wallet out of the pocket of his slacks and taking out his card, handing it to the cashier. After he got his card back, the three of you moved further down the counter so that the next person behind you could place his order.

“I hope that we didn’t pull you away from anything too important,” you spoke up as you looked at Jin. 

“Nah, I was just filling out some paper work and signing off on some things, so it was mostly procedural stuff,” he told you. “And even if it were really important, I don’t mind taking a break for you guys.”

“It’s also Saturday, so you shouldn’t be overworking yourself anyways,” you smiled gently, trying to hide the way that your cheeks had warmed up from his words. 

“Order #353,” a voice called out and you and Jin stepped up to the counter, grabbing your drinks and snacks. After finding a small table in one corner of the café, the three of you sat down, Aera perched on Jin’s lap as she ate her rice cake. 

“Did you have a good week at school Little Heart?” Jin asked her and you watched as her little eyes widened.

“Yes,” she whispered and Jin looked down at her, his eyebrows raised in confusion.

“What’s wrong?”

“She had an issue with a boy in her class on Wednesday,” you told him and he looked up at you. 

“What happened?” He wondered.

“The little boy made a comment about Hae and Aera stomped on his foot and hit him in the stomach,” you revealed. 

“Aera,” Jin called disapprovingly and Aera’s head whipped up at the utterance of her real name from Jin. 

“It wasn’t my fault!” She exclaimed. “He said Daddy died because he doesn’t love me and I know that’s not true so I hit him!”

“Of course it’s not true sweetheart,” Jin cooed, lifting his hand and wiping away at the hot tears that had started to gather in the corners of her eyes. “Your Daddy loves you so much and he wouldn’t have left if he had the choice so that boy shouldn’t have said that. That doesn’t mean that you can just go around hitting people either though.”

“Mommy said the same thing,” Aera pouted.

“That’s because Mommy’s pretty smart,” Jin smiled. “So no more fights, ok?”

“Ok,” Aera nodded before going back to eating. 

“Thanks,” you said and Jin raised an eyebrow as he brought his cup of coffee to his mouth. 

“For what?”

“For backing me up,” you replied. “She’s always better convinced if more than one person tells her the same thing.”

“Just like Hae,” Jin laughed as he shook his head. “Anyways though, what do you guys have planned for today?”

“Me and Mommy are going to see grandma and grandpa today!” Aera interjected suddenly. 

“Your parents?” Jin asked and you shook your head.

“Hae’s,” you told you. “I think it’ll be good for her to see them, especially after what happened this week. We’re gonna go catch up and then Aera is gonna stay the night.”

“Good idea,” he agreed. “So does this mean that our regular Saturday movie night is cancelled?”

“Only this one,” Aera told him and he smiled before reaching down and tweaking her nose. 

“Good,” he said, making her giggle as you watched them fondly.

After finishing your drinks and snacks, Jin walked with you and Aera back down the block to your car. He put her inside, helping her strap herself into her booster seat before shutting the door and looking down at you.

“So, are you and me still on for our movie night?” Jin smirked and you reached out, smacking his chest lightly as you rolled your eyes. 

“You’re gross,” you giggled. “But yes, we’re still on. I’ll only stay with Aera for about an hour and then I’ll be home so you can just come over whenever.”

“Alright. I do have to finish up some stuff but I don’t think it’ll take me long at all,” he responded. “Still, I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”

“Ok,” you smiled and the two of you stood there in silence for a few seconds, just looking at each other. 

“Is she looking?” Jin asked and peaking your head around his arm, you saw that Aera was looking down at one of the books that you kept in the car for her.

“Nope,” you told him and suddenly, his lips were pressed against yours. You kissed him back, sighing contentedly before pulling away.

“I’ll see you tonight,” he whispered, and you nodded.

“Bye.”

......................................

“Oh, hi my baby!” Jin-joo exclaimed, leaning down so that she could catch Aera in her arms as Aera rushed up to her. You shut the car door, smiling as you walked up to the front steps of Hae-il’s parent’s house.

“Hi Y/N-ah,” Gun greeted you and you stepped forward, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek before pulling back. “Is that little one’s bag?”

“Oh yeah, it has all of the things that she’ll need,” you nodded, pulling Aera’s small backpack from over your shoulder and handing it over to him.

“We still have some of her stuff here though,” Gun mentioned.

“I figured but she’s hit a growth spurt in the last two months or so,” you told him with a smile. “It seems like she outgrew every single piece of clothing that she owned all at the same time.”

“That just means you’re eating well huh?” Jin-joo smiled at Aera, who nodded rapidly in her arms. “Well, both of you come on in.” You followed behind Jin-joo and Gun, watching with a smile as they both helped Aera take off her jacket and her shoes. As you worked on taking off your own shoes and jacket, Jin-joo handed Aera off to Gun.

“Why don’t you show Aera some of the new things that we bought for her?” Jin-joo suggested and Aera’s eyes instantly lit up. 

“New toys?” She wondered excitedly.

“Why don’t we go see?” Gun chuckled, turning off and carrying Aera off down the hallway. Once they were gone, Jin-joo turned to you with a wide smile.

“Tea?” She offered.

“Please,” you nodded, following behind her into the kitchen. You sat down at the small table that was there and you watched silently as she grabbed a kettle, moving over to the sink and filling it with water before moving over to the stove. 

“How have you been getting along dear?” She asked you and you sighed lightly, thinking over your answer. 

“Honestly, I’m doing a lot better than I thought I would be after only 7 months,” you admitted. “I haven’t burst out crying in a good three weeks or so, which I consider to be progress.”

“That’s definitely good progress,” she chuckled with a soft smile as she moved to sit across the table from you. “And Aera?”

“Oh, she’s been doing amazingly,” you smiled. “Well, of course besides the incident on Wednesday.”

“I felt so bad when you called and told us about that,” Jin-joo sighed. “I bet she misses him so much.”

“She does,” you confirmed. A few seconds of silence passed over the two of you before you heard her take a deep inhale. 

“I have to say Y/N-ah, and I really hope that you don’t take extreme offense to this, but I began to think after you called Thursday,” Jin-joo began. “And I couldn’t help but to wonder if Aera acting out that way has to do with Seokjin?” Your eyes immediately widened at her words, not expecting her to say that.

“What would he have to do with that?” You questioned.

“Well, I know that she’s been spending an increased amount of time with him, with the both of you, together,” she corrected herself. “And with her being so young, I can’t help but to be concerned about what that’s doing to the memory that she has of her father.”

“Jin-joo, you’re skirting around what you really want to say, and I’d prefer if you would just say it,” you told her.

“Alright, fine,” she nodded. “In my opinion, it is much too soon or you to be moving on and seeing other men and Aera is clearly suffering from it.” You couldn’t help the chuckle that you let out then, the disbelief almost overwhelming you.

“First off, the relationship that I have with Jin isn’t anything like you’re thinking,” you said. “Secondly, you know me Jin-joo. You know I’d never do anything that would carry even the slightest risk of harming Aera in any way, shape, or form.”

“But you’re grieving, and grief can make us do things that we normally wouldn’t,” she noted.

“I can see that,” you replied tersely. 

“Look Y/N-ah, I’m only concerned about your and Aera’s well being,” she insisted. “Hae-il’s death has greatly affected all of us but more than anyone, it’s affected Aera the most. Now, I know Seokjin and I know he more than likely has the best of intentions but I don’t think it’s a good idea to allow him to get too comfortable in Aera’s life.”

“But he’s already been around since she was born,” you shot back. 

“Which makes it even worse that he’s pursuing you not even a year after her father’s death,” Jin-joo explained before exhaling harshly. “I’m going to ask you a question and I would like an honest answer.”

“Ok.”

“Did you love my son?” She asked and your jaw dropped slightly.

“Of course I did, and you know that better than anyone,” you spat harshly.

“Then for the sake of that and the sake of the wellbeing of my granddaughter, who is the only tie that any of us have to Hae-il, you should wait to involve yourself in any other relationships,” she advised you and you hated to admit it, but you really began to think about what she was saying. Things with Jin had happened very quickly and even though you had been concerned with how your relationship with him would look to others, it hadn’t been at the forefront of your mind.  

Even though you didn’t like how she approached the topic with you, you had to admit that just maybe....she had a point.

......................................

Your thoughts only began to run away with you even more after you left Hae-il’s parents house and made it back to your own. 

You never wanted your love for Hae-il to be doubted but you could understand why Jin-joo would ask you a question like that. You had been spending a lot of time with Jin but you had always justified it by saying that if he makes you and Aera happy, then there was no harm in having him around.

But did he really make Aera happy though? It seemed like he did and she definitely loved him, which no one with eyes could deny, but she was also an easily distracted 6 year old who would be happy if you gave her a sucker. You had to think about if having Jin around so much was causing her to act out or not, because maybe she felt like she was loosing touch with Hae-il and that was absolutely the last thing that you wanted. 

Once you got home, you decided that you wanted to be close to Hae-il so after taking a shower, you changed into a pair of his old jogging pants and one of his button up flannel shirts. After making yourself some ramen, you settled down with it on the couch, making sure to grab your photo album on the way. Grabbing a blanket, you pulled it over your lap and opened the photo album, choosing to look through some of the photos while you waited for your ramen to cool down. 

The very first photo you saw was from your and Hae-il’s engagement photo shoot, where he was sitting in a chair and you were standing behind him, your arms wrapped around his neck. Your engagement ring was on display, a dainty ruby rock that fit around your left ring finger perfectly. You’d always loved that ring, even sometimes favoring it over the gold wedding band that you exchanged with Hae-il a year after that engagement photo shoot. You hadn’t worn it since Hae-il died though, not being able to stomach looking at it for more than a few seconds at a time.

The next photo was of you and Hae-il on your wedding day, your eyes shining with tears as Hae-il read his vows to you at the altar. That day was amazing, the love that you were feeling for him almost overwhelming you at times throughout the ceremony. You laughed to yourself as you remembered how Hae-il almost spilled wine on your wedding dress at the reception later that night, getting slightly too tipsy on soju as he tried to whisk you around the dance floor.

As you continued to look through the photo album, you hadn’t even realized that tears had been welling up in your eyes until it rolled down your cheek and onto the photo album, splashing right onto a photo of you, Hae-il, and Aera that had been taken on her first birthday. 

“I’m so sorry,” you whispered. “I can’t believe that I even thought that I’d be able to do this.” As you continued to look through the album, your phone buzzed on the table and when you leaned forward to pick it up, you saw that you had a text from Jin.

“On my way out soon,” it read. “We still on for tonight?”

Biting your lip as more tears rushed down your face, you huffed harshly as you realized what it was that you needed to do. 

“No,” it stated simply. After making sure that it sent, you then turned your phone off, setting it back on the table before looking back down on the photo album. 

“I love you,” you whispered as you ran your finger over a photo of Hae-il holding a baby Aera and smiling brightly at the camera. “And I’m so sorry if I made you think that I didn’t.”

#bts #bangtanarmynet #bts reactions #bts imagines #bts jin #bts seokjin #jin x reader #seokjin x reader #kim seokjin #jin smut #jin fluff #jin angst #seokjin smut #seokjin angst #seokjin fluff #bts x reader #bts smut #bts angst #bts fluff #bts scenarios

[savethelastdan]

Sesskagu Week Day Six: Future (White)

CW: child death, grief

DISCLAIMER: This was written weeks ago but no one outside a Discord has seen it, and I thought it fit the prompt. 

When he is fourteen, Sesshomaru’s son, Akinori, goes to see a fortune teller.

His mother advises against it; claiming to have killed many witches in her time, she declares that, with a sweep of her fan, “all they tell you is what you want to hear.”

Akinori laughs, but in the end can neither agree nor disagree; for when he arrives, the woman bars the doors and refuses to give him answers.

When will the panther king fall from power - this year, or the next? ​(Sesshomaru hides a smile, recalling the sword that awaits his son’s birthday to be claimed.)

Will my parents give me siblings, or have I already achieved the height of perfection in their eyes? ​(Kagura laughs boldly, but her smile is as soft as a feather as she runs a hand through her son’s hair.)

Which will be greater -- my father’s legacy, or my own? ​(The fortune teller cuts him off, her voice shaking as she tells him to please, please go away.)

-

It is not the first time that he has lost a child. But Sesshomaru could never say that the experience prepared him for the sight of the broken body stretched before them.

The panther king has shown little care in his work; Akinori’s limbs bend at competing angles, like a tree ravaged in a storm. His mokomoko lies limp in the grass, drenched with blood. Pink replaces the gold in his lifeless eyes.

The youth’s expression is peaceful; not that such a thing could bring comfort in this moment.

“​Do something!”​ Kagura screams; the side of her fist connects with his shoulder. Her other arm drapes over their son’s mangled body, as though to shield the heart that sits still beneath the tattered ribs. “​Bring him back!”

Jaken’s eyes meet Sesshomaru’s, frozen with horror. He knows exactly the memory playing in the kappa’s mind: The night of Akinori’s birth, where the child had come from Kagura’s body blue-faced and still. He hadn’t thought twice of wielding Tenseiga in that moment, while his wife was still lost in the throes of a final bloody contraction.

They had never told her -- had never thought it would matter.

“​Sesshomaru!​ ” The raw desperation in her voice - that which she’s always managed to shield from him, before, even when begging for her own rescue - he can not bear it.

He stands, the blood and poison pouring from his own wounds forgotten. Jaken’s head bows at his silent command - ​stay with them.

-

The panther king’s demise is neither swift, nor merciful. 

-

“Happy birthday, little brother.” Rin bends before the memorial stone, hands pressed flat together. The surface of the rock is not yet wind-worn, and it’s nice to finally have a place in the village where she can go to remember him.

Akinori’s true grave is at the peak of a tall mountain, chosen by his mother. Lord Sesshomaru searched for weeks to find it, and Rin has never felt comfortable asking him to take her.

She hasn’t seen Kagura or Jaken in years. Somehow, she believes they are together.

A breeze rustles against the back of Rin’s bare neck, tickling the strands of closely-cut hair at her nape. She hunches her shoulders in response, wondering not for the first time if Lady Kagura stays away because of her - knowing that Rin has escaped death twice, a prize that cannot be given to anyone else.

Could I trade one of my lives for yours, Akinori? To see you smile again?

She doesn’t want to judge; Rin has no children of her own, as much as she likes them.

Both hands fall to her side as she stands. Tonight, Lord Sesshomaru will arrive to sit with her. When Kohaku gets home, the three of them will drink, and talk about anything other than what is the only thing they can truly think about.

Rin’s ​glad ​he comes, instead of wandering the woods alone.

-

On the dark night of the winter solstice, something calls him to Akinori’s mountaintop.

Part of him (the ​weak p​art, the one that pulled him through the Meido in search of a lost wind goddess’ soul and made him want to smile when his brother pulled a girl out of the Bone-eater’s Well) doesn’t want to go. It’s easier to grieve on the ground, where he can walk a mere ten yards to find some creature to tear apart in order to calm his racing heart.

But he’s long past the days when he would ignore his instincts. When his boots settle in the snow atop the grave’s peak, he sees that he is not alone.

“Lord Sesshomaru!” Tears flood Jaken’s eyes. He trips over the edge of the memorial stone in his hurry to bow. “How I’ve missed you!”

Kagura hunches her back and refuses to acknowledge him. Sesshomaru stands frozen - stunned that she and Jaken have remained together for this long without his servant’s demise, and at how little she has changed in the years since their last meeting.

“How is Rin? And Ah-Un? And Kohaku - oh, I’ve practically forgotten their foolish little faces!” Jaken continues to wail, waving the staff of two heads to emphasize the enormity of his struggles. Kagura clicks her tongue loudly, but the kappa soundly ignores her, and she tosses her head with a dramatic huff.

Sesshomaru resists the almost overpowering urge to embrace her. To do so would be foolish. The rejection would be swift and violent - most likely in the form of throwing him off the mountain. And why not? This particular failure of his has been the ultimate betrayal, far worse than simply allowing Naraku to destroy her. This had been a life she’d nurtured, suffered to bear - one she had ​cherished.

She swears under her breath in exhaustion, curling herself even tighter against his chest. Their newborn son is pressed safe between them, drooling against her collarbone. “I wish he looked more like me,” she mumbles. “Ah, well. Spoiled little prince...”

“Lord Sesshomaru, forgive me for my impertinence, but...” Jaken steps back slowly, in preparation to avoid punishment. “Are you well?”

He supposes he is not. Food and rest seem rather pointless; times when he can slow down enough to breathe, are also opportunities for memories of his loss to seep in. Other than a few visits to his human wards, and one to his mother (which ended quickly enough, when she used the meeting to make an offer of condolences that he does not wish to accept), Sesshomaru has not engaged socially with another creature since that terrible day. Much of his time is spent as it was in his adolescence - wandering the earth, searching for beings to challenge.

It is not as fulfilling as it once was.

“Oi.”

He blinks slowly in surprise, before turning his gaze to Kagura. Arms crossed over her chest, his wife (if she can still be called that, several years after having abandoned each other) appraises him with a cold stare.

“It’s going to snow tonight.” She nods towards the graying clouds. “We have a cave nearby, if you want to spend the night.”

Jaken squawks, vocalizing the disbelief that Sesshomaru himself feels. Kagura’s face reddens.

“Only because you look like shit,” she spits, words cracking in the air like glass. “What would it do to your reputation, to keel over from a little storm?”

The insult smarts, as though she’s taken Bakusaiga in hand and thoroughly tenderized him with it. Sesshomaru used to be strong, ​proud. T​he kind of being that others would come to for help, long ago, only to be dismissed for his own purposes.

Now, he is simply a father with two children who have grown up, and one who never got the chance to.

Now, Kagura is the one who curls her lip and turns away. 

-

Jaken fusses over him. It is a strangely welcome reminder of the old days. Kagura acts as though she doesn’t care, but it’s clear the two have developed a routine of sorts on their own - Jaken’s staff has place beside her fan, and they set up a small fire within the depth of the cave together without a single pause in their bickering.

The sense of unbelonging is uncomfortable. Sesshomaru sits as close to the entrance as he can, cold wind bearing against his back, to mute it.

“Eat this, my Lord!” Jaken bows his head, holding out a hunk of steaming meat. “There are tons of tasty creatures roaming around the mountains. It would be my pleasure to prepare as many as you’d like!”

He eats silently, ignoring the nausea that simmers under Kagura’s gaze. He does not know how to diffuse the unbearable tension between them, and so he will not try.

But when Jaken heads to the rear of the cave to sleep, there is no one else to put between them as a makeshift shield. And, despite his fervent prayers, Kagura does not leave her place on the opposite side of the fire.

It feels like centuries pass before she speaks.

“You left us.”

It’s three little words, but he knows exactly the moment of which she speaks. “I did.”

Outside, the wind screams as it drags snow from one side of the mountain and piles it against the other. Kagura pulls her kimonos tighter around her body, glaring into the fire.

He clears his throat. “I destroyed the panther king that day. Eradicated his tribe and his allies.” 

She nods stiffly.

“And I have not known peace for a single moment in the past three years.”

Her eyes flick up. “Do you think that’s what I want to hear?”

“It is the truth.”

Fingers crush the edge of her sleeve in a fist. In one swift moment, she stands and marches over to his side of the fire. Sesshomaru braces himself in expectation for a fighting blow.

Her palms slide against the side of his face, thumbs resting against the spot where his skin purples. Up this close, he can see lines of grief darken under her eyes, as the fire’s shadows bounce against them. The purple crescent moon on the side of her neck, tattooed during their wedding ceremony, has turned blood-red in the light.

“This doesn’t mean I forgive you,” she murmurs.

Then, she wraps him in a tight embrace. Her heartbeat thuds loudly in his ears, drowning out the roar of the snowstorm outside.

He doesn’t know it yet, but for the first time in years, Kagura sleeps soundly through the night. 

-

This doesn’t mean I forgive you.

S​he is wounded while razing a village, and does not object when Jaken calls him for aid.

This doesn’t mean I forgive you. 

S​esshomaru travels to meet Kohaku on a slayer’s trip, and a gust of wind floats by his side the entire way.

This doesn’t mean I forgive you. 

O​n the anniversary of the day Kagura lived again, they meet one another in an overgrown forest and don’t part ways until half a week later.

-

“Please?” Rin begs, tugging on Kagura’s arm. Though she’s well past the appropriate age for such childish actions, no one objects when she spends her parents’ visits practically glued to the wind witch’s side. “Lord Sesshomaru won’t tell me.”

“Ah.” Kagura glances over to where he stands in the corner, inspecting a weapon that Kohaku has mounted on the wall. “So you​ were l​istening to me, for once.”

“You said you wanted to keep it a secret,” he drones, carefully obscuring the relief that still arises in him that they can speak like this to one another, again. Things have progressed between them more than he could have ever imagined in the past few months; some days, he can almost believe that things will be like they were before.

Rin sighs in a long, guttural motion that sounds too much like his brother for Sesshomaru’s liking. “​Please?​ Jaken said it was good news.”

“Oh, of course that stupid frog would be the one to--”

“​Kaguraaaa​.” “Okay, fine.” The witch’s hand travels up to her hair, picking nervously at the feathers twisted into the base of her bun. “You’re going to have a sister by the time it’s autumn.”

Rin’s mouth drops; her head snaps over to where Lord Sesshomaru is trying very hard to look too busy to participate in the conversation. “What? But I thought you two were still--how did this even--” Her hands grip Kagura’s shoulders tightly. “Are you ​okay​?”

He’s apprehensive about the same thing. When everything on Earth still reminds them of Akinori, would another child only bring fear and resentment into the picture? Only by some strange miracle had they salvaged what tragedy had broken - the stress of another birth could easily rupture the wound again.

“I’m okay.” Kagura shrugs in a poor attempt to hide her discomfort. “Definitely didn’t miss the morning sickness, though.”

Rin sticks to her even more closely after that.

-

Mirai is born during a storm, a week and two days earlier than she is supposed to arrive. Despite the timing, she is red-faced and lively, screaming from her mother’s arms the moment she can breathe.

When she is old enough, her parents will take her to meet her older sister, and the grave of her older brother. Her grandfather’s sword and her mother’s fan will be her sixteenth birthday gifts.

But for now, she rests in the crook of her mother’s arm, lulled asleep by the wind.

“She sure is loud,” Kagura mumbles, tracing a tiny ear with one finger. “Guess we should prepare for a sleepless winter.”

Sesshomaru hums wordlessly in agreement. As he shifts, to shield them both from the cold seeping through the nearby window, Kagura grabs his arm with her free hand.

“I don’t blame you anymore, by the way.” Her words slur with fatigue. “I haven’t for a long time.”

He could tell her that her forgiveness is not necessary to keep them together. That, regardless of what she does, he will always blame himself first and foremost.

Instead, Sesshomaru leans over to rest his chin atop her head. “Sleep, now.”

“Right, right.” Her eyes close, lips turning up in what is unmistakably a smile. “You better stay where you are, or else...”

He would not be able to step away if he wanted to.

#sesskagu #kagura #sesshomaru #inuyasha #sesskaguweek #sesskaguweek21 #savethelastdan #shespitsfire

[bau-baby]

the ultimate loss. 1/?

aaron hotchner x gn!reader

Summary: Haley was your friend, and you’re dealing with her loss, just as Aaron was. When the grief subsides, what happens to you and Aaron?

Word count: 1,880

warnings: grief, loss

(A/N): Because it took so long for me to finish this, I decided to end my suffering of trying to figure out where to take the storyline within this fic and get to work on a part 2. Sorry for the wait!!

W.S. Gilbert wrote, “It’s love that makes the world go ‘round.” And if that’s true, then the world spun a little faster with Haley in it. 

You remember the first time you saw the Hotchner family unit in their own element. It was definitely a sight for sore eyes. The total admiration and love Haley and Aaron had both for each other as well as their son, Jack, was unmatched. You were out in their backyard, sitting and watching Jack run around while chatting amongst yourselves, hearing old stories from before your time at the BAU. Your friendship with Haley only grew from there.

Haley was my best friend since we were in high school. We certainly had our struggles, but if there’s one thing we agreed upon unconditionally, it was our love and commitment to our son, Jack.

You were there for them through all the hell that led up to the divorce. You watched as Haley tore herself up for thinking of leaving and saw how Aaron buried himself in his work to distract him from the problem. You knew that Haley loved Aaron and that Aaron loved Haley all the same. It was just a matter of the time the job took away from them, and ultimately what was best for Jack.

Haley’s love for Jack was joyous and fierce. That fierceness is why she isn’t here today. 

After the divorce, you tried to visit Haley often, filling her in on how the team and Aaron specifically were doing. You’d help out with Jack, and he ended up adoring you and your visits. Haley grew to you quickly as well. Sure, you were friends before, but your caring nature made you two become much better friends outside of the connection you’d had with her being the boss’ ex-wife.

A mother’s love is an unrivaled force of nature, and we all can learn much from the way Haley lived her life. 

The fear in her eyes when you went in with SWAT to get Haley and Jack was something you’d never seen from her before. She was one of the strongest mothers you knew. She did everything to make sure her son was happy. When she got to the hospital, you saw how she talked with Aaron. You saw the twenty-year-old smile lines shine through to their faces, and you realized that you had missed their lifetime of being together. Sure, you had the hilarious retellings of high school and college-age Aaron, but you think they lived through a whole other world before you showed up. 

Haley’s death causes each of us to stop and take stock of our lives to measure who we are, and what we’ve become. I don’t have all those answers for myself, but I know who Haley was. She was the woman who died protecting the child we brought into this world together, and I will make sure that Jack grows up knowing who his mother was and how she loved and protected him and how much I loved her.

You never realized how close not only you and Haley were, but how close you and Aaron were until after Haley and Jack were put into WITSEC. You and Aaron kept each other sane while they were gone, and you both worked just as hard on finding George Foyet. You’d spend late nights at Aaron’s apartment pouring over the details of the case, hoping something will jump out of the files and tell you where he’s hiding out and what he’s planning, but to no avail.

If Haley were with us today, she would ask us not to mourn her death, but to celebrate her life. She would tell us… she would tell us to love our families unconditionally and to hold them close ‘cause in the end, they are all that matter.

You were in an SUV by yourself, racing against the clock to get to Haley and Jack as you listened in on the call before you. You could hear the strain in Aaron’s voice, the way he had to keep everything at bay to keep a somewhat strong front. You heard Haley as she cried, making Aaron promise to tell Jack about how she and Aaron loved one another and loved him, and to tell Jack of times when Aaron wasn’t so serious. You made your own promise then, a promise to keep Haley’s memory alive in Jack, and to make sure both Aaron and Jack are taken care of. 

When the three shots rang out, you put your foot to the floorboard and sped to Fairfax. You knew Aaron was doing the same thing. You had to make sure that he and Jack made it out of this alive, and had to put Foyet away for all the pain and suffering he caused. 

I met Haley at the tryouts of our high school’s production of The Pirates of the Penzance. I found our copy of the play and I was looking through it the other night, and I came upon a passage that seemed… appropriate for this moment. “Oh dry the glistening tear that dews that martial cheek. Thy loving children here in them thy comfort seek. With sympathetic care, their arms around thee creep. For oh they cannot bear to see their father weep.”

You see the car Hotch used in front of his old family home, and you dash inside the house, brandishing your gun as you checked the house. That’s when you hear the sound coming from the formal dining room area, a harsh thumping and loud sobs belonging to Aaron. You see him over what used to be Foyet, and you run to him, pulling him away.

“He’s dead, Hotch! He’s gone! You’re okay!”

He breaks down crying from there, an inconsolable man crying at the feet of his ex-wife’s killer. 

-----

Something you never thought you’d have to do was not only bury a friend of yours but also comfort her inconsolable husband and kid. As Aaron spoke of Haley and all that she was, you stood off his left shoulder, a hand resting on Aaron’s shoulder as well as Jack’s.

You just stared down at the casket, tears staining the top of your coat. There wasn’t a dry eye as you all listened to a mourning husband who was sharing more of himself right now than he ever has or will again. 

You feel a small hand tug on your sleeve, and you look down to see Jack staring up at you. You crouch down, taking your hand off Aaron’s shoulder. 

“What’s up, buddy?” Your shaky voice asks, even though you tried to keep an even tone.

Jack doesn’t even speak, he just wraps his small arms around your neck and burrows his head into your shoulder. You hold a hand on the back of his head, hoping and failing to hide him from the harsh reality in front of him.

When the service ends and you’re all passing Aaron and Jack, you hang back for a second to look at all the roses on Haley’s casket before walking over to the sullen-eyed man.

“I just wanted to say that if either of you ever needs anything, I’m a phone call away,” You crouch down to be at Jack’s level, “Take care of your dad, okay buddy?” He nods, looking up to his dad. You stand back up and spare one more look at Aaron before walking over to one of the few cars left by the curb. 

-----

JJ gets the one call you dread as you sit around the table, all not-so-subtly glancing out the window to Aaron and Dave throughout your time conversing. The entire team then shifts their gaze to you, variations of sad, knowing looks gracing their faces. They all know that you and Aaron have been close since you joined, so they always looked to you when someone needed to talk to the big boss man.

To save you the embarrassment of being under their gaze, Morgan sends you out to grab Rossi while also realizing you’ll end up talking with Aaron.

The cool air that hits you as you step out onto the patio mirrors a lot of what this day and all the days you’ve lived without Haley have felt like. 

“Rossi, they’re calling us for a case. No other teams available, unfortunately,” You say, sending a sad look to Aaron as you say it.

“Aren’t you comin’ kiddo?” Rossi says, already making small steps towards the door.

“Yeah, uh, I’ll catch up with you guys in a few,” You say as you angle your body towards Aaron. 

“You should really be with the team, they need you,” Aaron says, his eyes taking particular interest in the railing in front of him.

“Aaron, I’ll be there when they need me to be, just like I’m here when you need me to be. Right now we’re both struggling with a loss, and the team understands that,” You say, reaching over to rest a hand over his, “Let me help you, grieve with you. Please.”

He sighs, and you can feel and hear the tears in his voice as he asks, “Can-” he sniffles, “ Can you help me keep my promise?” 

A look of confusion dashes across your face, trying to figure out what promise he was referring to. Then, you recall Haley’s words you heard in the SUV, her final words, making Aaron promise that he will show his son how he and Haley loved.

A small, earnest but sorrowful smile settles on your face, “Of course, Aaron. I’ll spend the rest of my life helping you keep that promise, and I’m sure the rest of the team will too.”

He finally moves from looking out at the world away from the patio to looking at you. He pulls you in for a hug, and you can feel the tears come down on your shoulder. He stays like that for a long time, even after the tears are gone. He finally pulls back and sniffles, reorienting himself. You knew that he was vulnerable, he just hated showing it.

“You really should go, the team needs you for the case,” Aaron says, not wanting to push you away, just taking his time to grieve. You relent, nodding your head.

“Don’t hesitate to call if you need anything, and I mean it, Hotchner,” You say, a playful sternness in your tone, even if you were genuine. You see him give a small smile as you make your way back inside.

You both were grieving. He lost an ex-wife whom he still loved, a friend, and the mother to his young child. You lost a friend who was more like a sister, and someone you cared so deeply for.

Both of you could hear the faint bells going off in the back of your head, alerting you of something you couldn’t- wouldn’t- address.

Too much, too soon.

That’s all that anything was these days. Too much, too soon.

But, as with everything in life, sometimes you have to face things head-on. Needless to say, that virtue was not something that came easy to you or Aaron.

But what was to happen when those bells started ringing a whole lot louder?  

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x reader fluff #aaron hotchner x reader angst #this took forever #don't even get me started on the formatting #the ultimate loss

[whump-town]

A Wonderful Life

Why. Does. This. Fic. Just. Keep. Going.

I swear, the next chapter is the LAST chapter. I mean it. 

Warning: talk of a miscarriage 

Part one. Part two. Part three. 

Haley and Hotch were not the kind of couple that managed to get pregnant on accident. They tried for years, long before law school graduations, years with the district attorney, the academy, Seattle… Hotch was worming his way into a nice cozy profiling job when Haley got their first positive test. Dave was still around back then and he’d been overjoyed-- tripping over his own excitement at just the opportunity to see so much emotion out of his prodigy.

Two months later Dave was sleeping on the couch, the future ex-Mrs. Rossi in their bed, when he got the call. He’ll never forget how quickly Aaron worked to compartmentalize everything happening. Dave could hear him softly sniffling, rubbing at his face as he took back slip-ups. Brushing away any comfort Dave might try to provide. Considering the loss he just suffered as nothing-- not a baby, not even cells. Just a stupid, silly idea.

Haley stopped trying to getting him to grieve with her.

They stopped trying after that.

It’s entirely an accident. A slap to the face to the years they spent with their lives measured out on calendars, going to doctors, and throwing money at her uterus and his sperm to magically make them physically compatible. They had both grown desperate but in opposing ways.

He could not rest. Spent the nights tossing and turning.

Haley needed a child, wanted one with all her might. To love it and teach it all the best parts of the world. She wanted to see how something good and kind could come from the two of them. She held him close and imagined a child with his annoying curiosity and her stubborn streak. Of coming to greet him at the door and squint her eyes and inform him of the mischief his child has been into. So that he might spend hours telling that baby silly stories, catching them up way past bedtime having fallen asleep to his nth retelling of how they fell in love.

The announcement could not have come at a better time.

Haley had been at home when Jason Gideon made the call in Boston that would nearly kill her husband. She hadn’t felt it, no cosmic hand wrapping tightly around her heart to tell her that the other half of her soul, the only person she’s ever loved was in mortal peril. It had been Derek Morgan, standing numbly in an isolated hospital wing, watching her husband’s body be shocked back to life, having air forced into his lungs that had been her telling moment.

And there she was with the child she thought she might never have and a dying husband.

She put an expiration date on both their heads and waited. Prepared to bury her husband and lose the only part of him she has the ability to protect. But the days crawled by and she found herself listening to that little baby’s heartbeat, the same slow pace as Aaron’s. Neither died.

But Jack’s birth could only hold off Aaron’s inability to self-preserve minimally. He’d live to see his son’s birth and Haley was certain he’d get himself killed before Jack’s fifth birthday.

Jack’s developmental delays were a point of much dispute, having a lot to do with Hotch’s denial. Hotch had been the smallest in his class, in his age bracket until ninth grade-- spent years as skinny as a rail and not meeting healthy markers for children his age. Haley had, mercifully, bitten her tongue and hadn’t reminded him that why Jack is small and missing delays have nothing to do with why Hotch had. Jack isn’t being abused at home… he’s just autistic.

Their marriage, no matter how strongly they still loved each other, was going down the drain. The news of all this had been a cross of startling and... about as hard to miss as the broad side of a barn.

“Two is-- Two is a good age to get diagnosed.” Reid, like Emily and Morgan, mistook Hotch’s primary concern. Saw his disappointment, his unease and pinned it on Jack’s diagnosis. The autism. And Hotch had smiled, calmly allowing Reid a moment’s tangent to get out what he needs to say. To try and convince Hotch that autism isn’t the end of the world-- because Reid can’t handle it. If Hotch leaves, if Hotch disowns his own son-- the way Reid’s own father had not long after his own “off the books” diagnosis had been given-- he’s not sure he can handle that.

“Reid,” Hotch had softly, placed his hand on Reid’s arm. The faintest touch. “I love Jack. I’m-- I’m not the best father but…” He won’t leave. The autism he can handle, Jack’s always been Jack and that changes nothing but finally provides some answers. Some guidance where’d they had been left blind.

It felt like Hotch was never going to be given a second chance to prove himself wrong. They seemed to turn around and there George Foyet was. Knife in one hand leaving behind a zombified Hotch and Jack. They watched, unable to do anything to help. Jack wanted Hotch and only Hotch but it was like just seeing the boy physically hurt Hotch.

“He’s late.”

They all look forward to Wednesdays. The two hours that they have to just sit and relax-- to let Jack entertain them with his many interest and love for random things he finds on their desks to play with. So they don’t take too kindly to Hotch coming in late and stealing their Jack time.

Emily glances at the clock at the bottom of her computer screen and shakes her head. Her stomach sinks as she realizes that they’re not just late, they’re nearly forty-five minutes late. Hotch abides by a strict, self-imposed schedule one made of utmost importance by Jack’s own intermingled schedule. She rolls her eyes, though, at Morgan rather than admit that it scares her just a little.

“It’s been raining,” JJ reminds them confidently. “I’m sure they’re out catching frogs in the parking lot or looking for washed-up rocks.”

Frogs. Right, Jack loves frogs. He hates to hold them but thoroughly enjoys chasing them and watching his father squirm and fight to hold them. It is pretty funny though, Aaron Hotchner scrambling to keep a tiny frog in one of his hands. Ending up slightly mud-stained, disheveled all to wrangle a frog.

It’s… humanizing (cute but she wouldn’t be caught dead calling the likes of dumbass Aaron Hotchner “cute”).

Morgan yawns, stretching out his arms high above his head. “I’m sure we have nothing to worry about,” he shrugs, tampering off the end of his yawn with the back of his hand. It’s far more likely that they’re getting breakfast-- the two of them love muffins. It wouldn’t be the first time that Hotch has stopped to get breakfast. If that goes in their favor, he’ll probably bring them some too. That’s not to say they’re not walking down the hall right now, Hotch trying to be as patient as possible as Jack hops down the hall.

Besides, if there was anything to worry about Dave would have gotten a call. If not for the simplicity of one of Hotch’s stories-- some long-winded, exasperated thing about Jack weighing down his pockets with rocks, Jack having a bad morning and he’s not going to be in for a few more minutes because he had to clean oatmeal off of himself and kitchen floor. Then, at the very least, something.

Yet, they have only radio silence.

Which is good.

Probably.

“Any word from Monsieur Crabbyass this fine morning?”

David Rossi has always been fascinated with the relationship between Emily and everyone else on the team-- though his typical interest is in the utter insubordination that occurs so effortlessly and flawlessly between Hotch and Emily. Naturally, it’s on his mind. He can’t consider the week complete until they’ve both stormed into his office to whine about the other. It makes him reconsider why came back.

It’s for that fact that he knows this is going to crush her the most.

Morgan and Hotch go about like a match to a candle wick. Burning one another to the ground. Things between them don’t go unsaid. If there’s an issue they get to it and neither can walk away until their hands are clear.

JJ and Hotch make the perfect parental tag team. So much of what they do is hidden but the thoughtless, mechanical way the two work together is never taken for granted. If shit hits the fan, those two are who you want.

Garcia and Hotch may not get a lot of time but they know she’s his soft spot.

Reid and Hotch are the strangest carbon copy of one another venturing to having a little too much in common to nothing at all.

Emily and Hotch have far too much left unsaid. Tension and, what he believes, to be penance for the courses of action they have both taken. In her inability to trust the team, running from them and forcing Hotch to kill her to protect her. His distance from them, which she has always read as distrust and tinged with his ego. Neither are as simple as they prefer to pretend to perceive themselves to be.

Not as mysterious either.

Leaving him, standing on the catwalk watching her little joke hit the others with fond laughter. Monsieur Crabbyass. That’s a good one and Aaron is probably never going to hear it. Never clench his jaw and glare to the side, forcing himself not to react and admit that it’s actually kind of funny.

Dave watches over them for another moment, taking in their innocence. Emily still snickering at her own joke, Garcia and JJ both shaking their heads at her. Morgan shakes his head but there’s no hiding his own amused smirk.

“He’s not coming in.” Dave clears his throat, “there was an accident on the way here this morning.” He can’t even get out what he needs to say, they’re already trying to talk over him. “Jack alright,” he’s standing there, trying to get his piece out. “Jessica’s already made her way to the hospital, sitting with Jack. He’s hardly got a scratch.”

There’s general ease that settles them with the relief that Jack is fine.

“And Hotch?”

On life support.

Laying in the intensive care unit with defibrillator sticky pads on his chest, waiting for the next episode of tachycardia to have the nurses and doctors of the unit holding their breath. Wondering just how many more times his body can take them beating the shit out of it or if he’ll come back this time.  How many more times can he toe that line before he can’t come back?

“I--” Derek is standing numbly at his desk. Arms limp at his side. “What are-- Is Jack-- Jack is alright? How? Can we-- Will they let us back-- back to see him? They have to let us back to see him, right?”

To see what?

That his body is laid out on a stretcher bare of blankets and pillows. Neck held still by a brace. Jaw titled back and pale, cracked lips stretched around an incubation tube. The hiss of which fills the small empty room. To see that he’s covered in crisp white bandages, wrapped delicately around the purple bruises up and down his ribs. His unstable, flail chest.

To see the x-rays?

To have a doctor stand and explain the damage, the history of Aaron Hotchner’s bones. Old cracks and improperly healed aches. By forty, it’s easy to assume that the ghosts of childhood have long since lost their grasp, but today they nearly cost him his life. A decade worth of cheap shots to his sides, his father’s angry tyrannical downpours wore down the bones.

When he hit the steering wheel, those old bones never stood a chance. They gave out on him.

And what of Jack?

It’s one thing to have those words written out “In the event of my death…” but those are just words to be said. Never meant to be used. Jessica doesn’t understand all of Jack’s charts. She won’t ask him what color his socks are and let him weigh his pants down with rocks and carry him when he gets tired. She won’t get muddy and slimy to chase down frogs. But Jack and everything he owns (aside from some silly knick-knacks and stupid things he thought better to go to Morgan or maybe Garcia) go to Jessica Brooks.

In the event of my death…

“If he’s still alive by the time that we get there… it’s unlikely that they let anyone aside from family back.”

They stand in the silence of that. Of the implication. Does a single one of them know how to do any of this without him? Morgan doesn’t want to be fucking Unit Chief. He got his taste, he’s done. And, the most surprising part is that the somber, truth omission of what they are all thinking comes from Emily Prentiss. Righting her shoulders like she’s standing in front of the nurses and defending them right now.

“But we are his family.”

#tw miscarriage #criminal minds #aaron hotchner #criminal minds fanfiction

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se03. ep 5,(part 1)

In part 1 of this post, more than analyzing, I want to understand few confusing things first. I’m not annoyed or angry, I’m just confused & trying to piece things together, so, kindly don’t feel off with my usage of  (!!!) & (???). lol. I’ll ONLY discuss two things here that confuse me a lot. ( Real ep review/ analysis will be in part 2)

1- Momiji’s romantic love for tohru (the real love triangle). What?!!!!!

I’m so shocked that momiji loves tohru romantically! So, in order to understand ( where did this come from!!) I re-visited his scenes with tohru since se01 & trying to see if I missed anything! Below is my speculations:

Is it love at first sight?!!! When Momiji first met tohru he kissed her on the cheek. I’ve always thought lightly that in the eyes of the reserved Japanese (bowing is greeting), all Europeans (kissing on the check is greeting). hence, Momiji’s kiss, he’s half Europea. However, perhaps it is a Kureno/ Arisa type of love at 1st sight/kiss?! kureno nearly kissed Arisa on the lips on their 1st official meeting. But Kureno/Arisa kiss was meant to be romantic/sexual with adult kureno’s “ I wanted to taste her lips”. but Momiji’s is a peak on the cheek & he was a child, so... I don’t think he’s struck by love before he’s officially introduced to us the audience.

Is it gradual growing love like kyo’s ? in all Momiji/ tohru eps, he always just wanted to play with her, visit places & spend time together.  (hot spring & beach vacation) are his own ideas. But momiji didn’t want tohru exclusively. He intentionally invited both yuki & kyo to the hot spring & even was begging kyo to come. He invited all zodiacs to the beach & wanted all to spend time together. I believe that the hot spring ep especially showed momiji as this playful, innocent & naive kid, wanting to share tohru’s females’ hot spring section. I don’t think momiji was madly in love at that time. He was a child going “ waaaa~, kyo hit me” &  jumping here & there. 

So, summer vacation? but then again, Momiji slept with the children & tohru doted on them all. He defended tohru but they all defend her & love her. he said to kyo that he “selfishly wanted to be with tohru” but I didn’t  catch any romantic hints from that. Was it really that time?? they all wanted to spend time with tohru. Yuki said “ I’ll kidnap you”, kyo agreed to go to the beach right away, kisa was glued to her to the point of annoying hiro! So, when? & why not let us as the audience know abt momiji’s feelings.

Is it related to opening up to tohru abt his family issues? He confessed to tohru abt his dad, mom & momo. She cried for him & hugged him. I never got the feeling in all those scenes that he was in love! it seemed to me like friendship love similar to hana’s/Arisa’s or siblings love substituting his nonexistent relationship with momo.

Is it just me?? I always saw momiji as this baby in toddler clothes, jumping, laughing & a ray of sunshine! A child but with the most mature heart & mind. Tohru didn’t help momiji, he was already helping himself first & reaching healthy conclusions abt how he should deal with his own traumas. So, perhaps (Me) not seeing him as a teenager stopped me from seeing his romantic love? but they showed me hiro/kisa’s love. Elementary school kids! so?

Regardless of when he fell in love or how, the point is, this is heart-breathtakingly tragic! cuz (a) tohru never saw him more than a child at first, then as a precious friend, (b) she’s intensely in love with kyo, which brings us to tohru’s core issues. (Tohru loosing yet another loved one). Tohru’s own issues aren’t fully explored yet, but her love for kyo has been blatantly hammered to us since se01 finale! this is because kyo being locked in the cat room equals (death) which parallels her mom’s (death). Tohru will be living her tragic trauma again but this time, kyo replacing kyoko! Thus, giving tohru a room for growth & character development.Tohru’s intense love for kyo was shown in by the drastic change in her attitude in se01, ep.24, chasing firmly after him even when he pushed her & refusing to let go until he’s back home cuz she wants to! then yuki blatantly saying “ she loves him, too, the way she looks at him“  im se02, ep22 & “don’t worry, tohru, he won’t accept (the other girls confession)” in se02, ep 17 & all her scenes with kyo in that ep where she’s scared he’ll let go of her & other scenes throughout the 3 seasons.

...so why momiji’s impossible & unrequited love is introduced?

I believe it is to push kyo to not let go of tohru. To throw kyo into this internal conflict between selflessly letting go of tohru so she could be happy (like hatori did with kana) & selfishly wanting her to be his lover ( like haru). Kyo himself expressed these two conflicting thoughts in se02, ep, 9 “ I hoped we could always be together somewhere  far off (selfish love) & “ I don’t want to take anything from you (selfless love). So, momiji is challenging kyo in a way making him realize that selfish love might not be bad afterall & selfless love could be harmful! cleverly reversing the two concepts. So, I get why this love triangle was introduced. but whyyyy momiji! T_T.. choose someone else, Writer-San! poor Momiji we learned abt his love the same ep we learned it hopeless & he can’t pursue! T_T. couldn’t you at least put the two scenes far away, so I get time to grieve his broken heart! T_T.

2- Yuki/Machi ( Yuki is in a such hurry!!!!)

You could use the analogy of yuki’s starting the story as a (baby/child) taken cared by his mother (tohru) who taught him to be a person (all se01), Yuki took this knowledge  as a (kid/teenager) & formed friendship on his own with (kakeru) in (se02). it is not after yuki became a true equal friend to kakeru, chocking him & equally teasing him, that Machi was allowed to talk abt her self as a real character with agency & thoughts (se02, ep24), now yuki must be a (teenager/Man) & fall romantically in love, hence (se03, eps 2 & 3). All this is amazing. So, I kinda expected the following:

yuki won’t take as long as kyo in confessing/ realizing romantic love since he/machi don’t have a shared baggage nor obstacles from the past.

 he won’t be as fast as haru’s “ i love you/ kiss/ make love”. But then again, Haru & Isuzu have already known each other for years & are already in love, they just put a name to their desires & went on with it.

So, yuki should be in the middle, noticing, knowing abt the person, crushing, then realizing love & wanting a future together! Cuz yuki is this type of person who values taking time thinking thoroughly, right??

I’m confused as yuki wanted to confess the curse & to be with machi romantically right after the machi background scene? I know not everything should be on-screen & him falling slowly in love could be off-screen...  the flower is a yuki/machi “ noticing her stage”, her fighting with him over the red leaf is “ noticing him stage” for her. but there’s only ONE intimate scene of them together! Her raw tears when he comforted her in her flat (the chalk scene is bonus). but.. I never expected that yuki is planning to confess his curse & feelings this early!!!!!! yuki! are you SURE she loves you? ( I mean we the audience know 100%) but how is HE sure?? yuki going this big stage so soon felt a bit un-yuki. but then agin, perhaps that’s part of the new changed confident yuki? I duno, I mean Machi was never given a proper time to prosper, but yuki was always given all the time there is to explore his feelings & even other ppl’s feelings! He’s there in kyo/tohru ‘s story to tells the audience they’re in love, he’s there in Isuzu/ haru to mend their gap. I mean yeah there gotta be more scenes abt them for sure, we’re in ep 5, but I never expected a the intruppted confession now & this soon!

perhaps it’s just me, again?! Maye I’m so invested in yuki & accustomed to him always taking time that I kinda expected more before he’s thinking of confessing. I really thought that confessing his curse/love is yuki/machi’s own story climax compared to kyo/tohru’s story climax with kyoko & Isuzu/Haru story climax after breakup, oh well. I’m positive we’ll see more of yuki’s journey with machi as yuki is rarely absent in any eps. More scenes to come!

That’s the end of my headache! XD. I apologize for giving you headache if you were kind enough to read all this. kindly, don’t spoil future scenes or sub-plots to me. I’m just expressing my shock at how fast the plot moved! just few eps ago, I was watching motoko love journey that survived 3 seasons! Hands down Motoko wins in furuba! XD. Jokes aside, Can I say we’re officially where “the plot thickens?” Is it going down? This ep felt like a bullet train!

Side Notes:

I never liked the “children in deep love theme” that hiro has as children shouldn’t suffer the romantic pining & suffering as teenagers & adult ppl,  so, I really appreciated that Momimi altho was 15 when we 1st saw him, lived his childhood without the “oh my! I’m so in love~ pining~ suffer”.

The story introduced ( momoiji in romantic love) the same ep Momiji got tall, so making it as sth he expressed once he hit puberty like most boys his age. He even said it “ I’m a man now”, which is again sth boys feel once they get taller & experience other feelings.

Momiji never catches a break! T_T. My son is denied the types of love he wants (parental love, sibling love & now romantic love! ).

I don’t picture momiji/tohru together as a couple cuz it wasn’t built that way in the story & most of their moments weren’t romantic/sexual tension. to me it was the ultimate friendship!

I wish my son finds love on-screen! If Moyoko/Nao gets on-screen love, give my boy on-screen love, too!

Nah~ forget that~ I’m just sad for my son, I don’t want to see him paired with any character quickly to compensate him not having tohru. This is not doing momiji justice. So, I get the ED art of him with Momo.

If kyo has someone who loves him one-sidedly (Kagura), tohru now has someone who love her one-sidedly (momiji).

The kagura/kyo confrontation was heart breaking, but it had to happen cuz kyo knew she loved him & had to stop her. I hope Momiji never confesses to tohru, I wouldn’t be able to survive seeing tohru turn him down.Tohru & momiji are just too kind for such sad situation.

So, does this mean that the two characters with unrequited love are Kagura & momiji? they’re the only characters with no romantic partner in the ED.

Hana is without a lover in the ED, too! XD. Thank God! I love her crush on kazuma, cuz hello~ who won’t crush on this hunk! & teenage girls can crush on grown up men rather than boys (I know I did, but it was just my girlish crush). I’m thankful it is just a crush & teasing kyo tactics & not true romance! don’t give me another Arisa/Kureno, plz. lol.

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #confused paper #momiji sohma

[farcry5]

but you always were what i came here for

pairing: jacob seed x deputy (theo ward) summary: no-cult au. Jacob spends his nights at the local bar after falling for a certain woman who has been in too many bar fights to count. warnings: alcohol and smoking of course. language. john. but it’s mostly soft. slight ns/fw just in case lol

a/n: anyways loving the idea of john and faith acting like old ladies who love knowing all the gossip and drama that goes around hope county... ---------------

She was always there, late in the night at the only bar in town- the only moderately proper bar in all of Hope County. Tall and beautiful, long black hair falling down her back in waves. She would drink heavily, dance in groups or alone, and laugh with friends and strangers alike. 

There was something alluring about her that pulled people in. Jacob had never even spoken with her before, but he could feel that pull, stronger than ever.

Inside, she was so alive and full of charm, flirting unapologetically and as rowdy and unruly as the country men that crowded around her. There were a few times she had either stopped a bar fight or started one, throwing punches hard enough to knock a drunk out cold. 

Outside, she’d sit on a chair with a cigarette between her lips, staring at nothing, all the life gone in an instant. Quiet and distant, only responding when someone told her goodbye as they walked out of the bar.

He had sat with her a couple of times, in an oddly comfortable silence that he found himself completely lost in. Neither would move for hours, just sitting outside the noisy bar, smoking or drinking without a word. Once, she jolted from her trance and looked around, sent him a gentle smile and ran her fingers through her hair. She had sighed heavily, flicked her cigarette onto the concrete and muttered a soft ‘good night’ to him as she left.

Jacob had been entranced ever since and he’d lie awake every night, thinking about the way her hair would fall over her shoulders, the curve of her lips when she’d smile, the way her body would move as she danced, the sadness in her eyes in the glow of the flame as she lit her last cigarette. The sound of her voice would ring in his ears as he finally manages to drift to sleep, even if only for a couple of hours. 

John and Faith had been constantly bothering him about why he frequented the Spread Eagle every night now, when he hardly interacted with anyone in town, but he could never manage to tell them. 

So the next night, they showed up, much to not only his, but to everyone’s surprise. Mary May watched the two walk in, eyeing them curiously. Theo and her group consisting of Hurk Jr., Sharky Boshaw, Jess Black, and Eli Palmer all paused their conversation to see the unexpected guests. 

John walked in with a rather bored expression as his eyes scanned over every patron of the bar. Faith looked sweet and innocent but Jacob knew there was something mischievous under that smile of hers. The bar was full of people tonight, so they were on the hunt for the only reason Jacob was here.

As soon as they sat down at his table, the attention was gone like they had never interrupted in the first place. Yet, Jacob noticed Theo watching them and he couldn’t help but stare back, at least until Eli touched her arm and she looked away. 

“Oh brother,” John smirks, still taking in the atmosphere. “You look more out of place here than I thought. Still, you fit in better than either of us could.” 

Faith hummed and turned to him. “You don’t seem to be enjoying yourself. I almost imagined you were actually talking to people.”

“Dancing, even.” John interjects.

“No, definitely not that.”

Jacob rolls his eyes and takes a sip of his drink he had left untouched. “Shut it. Why are you two even here?”

Their sister gets up to go get drinks from the bar, while John leans back in his seat. “We just wanted to know what would make the unsociable and grumpy Jacob Seed leave his house every night for two weeks. I had some ideas, but they seemed more my style than yours. Faith was worried you were becoming an alcoholic, yet, that looks like your first drink.” 

A commotion at the bar causes Jacob to turn away from his brother, watching as Theo talks with Faith, laughing together while she keeps the cousins at bay and away from the younger woman. Theo speaks to Mary May for a moment, to which Mary May scoffs and shakes her head, but pours more drinks. 

Faith finally returns, a drink in each hand and she sits down, beaming. “That woman, she’s so funny. Sometimes I forget she’s a sheriff's deputy.” 

“Isn’t she on leave? Something about showing up to work drunk, I think.” John hums in thought, his dark eyes following the woman as Hurk Jr. pulls her to the small dance floor. 

“I thought it was because she got into a fight while in uniform and smashed a man’s windows.”

He knew little about her, only what his brothers grieved about, since she was the one that arrested Joseph for one little accident. Jacob sighs and attempts to tune the two out, listening to the music that doesn’t sound so obnoxious anymore, watching as the woman who seemed to be the topic of everyone’s conversation lately, dances with her friend. 

She was beautiful even then, under the hand painted colored lights, sweat trailing down her neck and strands of her hair clinging to her skin. Her movements were clumsier tonight, the alcohol hitting her harder than he had seen it, but at the same time, she was more sober than most of the people around. 

When he looks back at John, there’s a knowing gleam in his eyes and he smiles, raising a brow, but doesn’t say a word. He may have been freed from answering questions for tonight, but he knew John wouldn’t let him carry on in secret forever.

The rest of the night was spent with Jacob having to suffer through John and Faith’s constant chatter, listening to drunkards sing terrible karaoke, and trying to drown his newfound feelings which never seemed to want to die. His siblings grew tired and eventually left, leaving Jacob alone with the off-duty officer and her dwindling group of friends. Sharky was passed out at the bar, Hurk Jr. was in the bathroom for what seemed like eternity, while Jess and Eli had left around an hour ago. Jacob had noticed the soft touches from Eli that Theo had received all night, but chose to ignore whatever meaning they could hold.

The night ended with Theo and Jacob sitting outside in silence like usual, but something was off. Theo was restless, leg bouncing as she smoked and stared off into the night. He watched her out of the corner of his eye, waiting for her next move, which came sooner than expected and completely out of left field.

“Do you want to go home with me?” 

Jacob turns to look at her, slightly shocked to see her staring back at him. There was no one else there and she wasn’t on the phone, so she was definitely asking him. The silent gazing lasts far longer than needed, but he isn’t sure how to answer. 

Theo laughs, shaking her head quickly. “Sorry, you can forget that.” 

However, Jacob stands and pulls his keys from his pocket. “Should we go now?” 

Her blue eyes watch him for a moment and then she jumps up, pulling her keys from her pocket. He follows behind her on the drive to her home, which isn’t far as she had told him and it’s not long until he’s walking through her front door and she’s pulling him in for a kiss. 

Jacob welcomes it, his boot kicking the door shut and his hands holding her against him. He takes in the way she tastes, the way she feels and smells and her soft moans as his fingers grip her waist. He’s pinning her against the wall as her hands slide over his throat to the back of his neck. 

Theo pushes off the wall, tugging him by the shirt into her slightly messy living room, seating him on the couch. Without a moment to spare, she was on top of him, kissing him hungrily with her hips grinding against his. As she tugs on his belt, she smiles against his lips and starts to chuckle, leaning against his shoulder.

He frowns, hands moving over her thighs to hold her waist, attempting to pull her back. “What’s so funny?” 

“I’m sorry,” Theo gazes at him and smiles, fingers grazing over his jaw. “I was just thinking how funny it was that we always saw each other at the bar but only now-” She can’t finish her sentence, tilting her head as she tugs his belt again, knuckles brushing against his stomach.

“I hate that bar.” Jacob grumbles quietly and then sighs as he settles back into the couch cushions. It wasn’t an honest truth, but all and all, he wasn’t there for any other reason. 

Theo’s smile slowly vanishes and she leans away, blue eyes narrowing at him. “You do? Then why did you go every night?” 

A familiar moment of silence settles over the two as they stare at one another with mixed emotions. She’s confused and slightly hurt, but the lust and hunger was still there. However, Jacob was completely memorized and dazed the longer he watched her, his heart jumping in excitement at every movement. 

“For you.” Was his soft reply, wondering if it was something he would have ever said sober or to anyone else. Words more romantic than a man like him was capable of. 

Theo takes a breath, blinking and then moving her hand at his waist to under his shirt. “Really?” He nods and places his hand over her wrist as she moves up his torso. She smiles again, softer, and leans down, lips close to his. “I’m glad you showed up.” 

The corner of his mouth pulls into a small smirk and his lips are light against her skin. He hums and closes his eyes, placing his hand on the small of her back and moving her closer against him. 

“We usually bar hop and I don’t always go out-” She sighs in content as he places slow kisses against her throat. “I stayed every night to see if you’d be there.” 

Jacob smiles and makes his way back to her lips, careful and steady, savoring the sharp taste of cinnamon whiskey. “I’m glad you did.”

#i wrote something??? wow #far cry fic #jacob seed #theo ward #oc fic* #i hope this is good yall know i'm too soft #i know i don't write jacob right but whatever #this is more self-indulgent than anything