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licorice-lips · 7 days

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Okay, so I was thinking about Snape and although I'm avoiding like hell speaking online about Harry Potter, I think it needs to be said because it falls onto the rest of fantastical literature as well, especially those stories that have parallels to fascism/nazism/colonialism in their magical world.

I'd like to start by saying I don't like Snape for a variety of reasons, some of them because of Rowling, others because of the character himself, and others because of his fans, but today I'd like to talk about how Snape's Redemption Arc actually sucks and why, and also about how we're treating redemption arcs as a whole.

Okay, so let's begin by making a sort of timeline on Snape's life: he grew up in an abusive household, suffered bullying by the Marauders through school years, bullied other students as well, called his best friend a slur, "apologized", joined a fascist hate group that actively persecuted and hurt people for things they had no control of, acted on behalf of this group for years, turned against the hate group not out of morals but because their actions began to threaten the people he cared about (like they always said they would, how shocking), bullied his teenage students as a grown adult, acted as a spy against the hate group when it came back, died.

Right, so before I dive into all those things, what we also have to add is that Art isn't made in a vacuum. Just like science can never be done by a completely neutral party, our productions of art are completely based off of our views, especially when we're talking about writing. As a writer myself, I can see exactly how my experiences as a person in the context I was born and grew up in affect my writing and my production of art.

For example, it's very common that I find enemies calling themselves by their last names in American/European fiction but in Brasil, we don't normally call people by their last names unless it's very unique and as a nickname. So when I write enemies, they always call each other by their first names, simply because it doesn't feel right to me any other way. On a more serious example, most of the countries in my fantasy books have some history of colonization or dictatorship because it's a part of my history and I feel it's impacts to this day, so it's something that reflects my own thoughts and ideas in politics.

So when we talk about Snape as a character, we cannot escape the fact that Rowling created him. And as a European author, it's more than clear —and that's especially obvious to people who suffer under colonization to this day— that Rowling has a deeply ingrained colonizer mentality. The goblins in Gringots are a clear and problematic representation of Jewish people, the domestic elves LIKING being enslaved and not changing the status quo by the end of the books, and even Hermione being ridiculed for her militancy on it — these are all representative of how Rowling views the world.

Although there's more, all of those examples make it clear that, when she looks at fascist ideology as a whole, Rowling doesn't think the ideology itself is the problem: the ending is the depiction of them getting rid of the "bad apples" instead of making the "roots of the tree" healthy again is parallel to blaming bad individuals for a system that is corrupted and therefore corrupts. So basically, what the Harry Potter books tell us by the end is that it's okay for you to perpetuate a racist system, just don't do it so openly. The problem for her is not the system, but these people she considers "bad apples" which is basically right-wing ideology.

And my problem with Snape starts here: because Rowling sees purist views as an acceptable way of thinking as long as you don't kill people because of it (because for some reason that's a step too far — but when the system oppresses, beat down, and hates on marginalized people, that's okay) — in her mind and in her writing, Snape's ideological affiliation earlier on in his life is not that big of a problem, especially when he "changes sides".

Snape's active participation in a hate group is dangerously and irresponsibly downplayed both by Rowling and by Snape's apologists and fans when this is, in reality, one of the two greatest offenses his character has to compensate for in his "Redemption Arc". So when he hesitates at nine yo to say to Lily that being a Muggleborn doesn't make a difference (even when he knows it does in a practical sense of what's happening in the Wizarding World), when he despises Petuney for being a Muggle, when he says to Lily that what he, Mulciber and their "death eaters" friends did to Mary McDonald was "just a laugh (btw, I'm sure the Marauders also think what they did was "just a laugh" as well), all of this is not only extremely reprehensible, it's the kind of thing that makes a fascist, a fascist.

And it's not that I don't believe teenagers cannot change their minds and grow with more ease than adults, it's just that this alone would've been enough grounds to understand why Snape's redemption arc sucks. His beliefs from early on, even before he goes to Hogwarts, are extremely problematic and hateful, and they uphold the very corrupted system that is perpetuated against Muggle-borns in the Wizarding World.

Then we reach the point I wanted to make: it's very clear throughout the books that child and teenager Snape struggles with feelings of deep hatred against his parents (especially his father, who's a Muggle), inadequacy in social life even among his peers (wizards and witches) and isolation, all of which make a person undeniably vulnerable to extremist ideology.

And here's my first issue with Snape and his Redemption Arc: his trauma and feelings should not be an excuse for his bad choices and yet, they are used exactly as such. Yes, Snape was an impressionable teenager and yes, he was influenced by an ideology in his desperation to fit in and find solace in a community, but that doesn't matter.

None of it matters because, at the end of the day, his actions for this ideology are just as harmful, just as awful, just as cruel, as the actions of someone who joined the Death Eaters for thoroughly believing Muggleborns were scum. He harmed people just as much as Yaxley, Mulciber, or any other Death Eater who joined Voldemort for their hatred just for his support alone.

And more than that, even if Snape was in a vulnerable state and impressionable, he was still receiving other kinds of influences, influences that were contrary to the bigotry and cruelty of Voldemort — and he still chose to ignore those influences. There was still a level of choice to what he became as a young adult.

But even if there wasn't, Snape is —or at least he should be— responsible for his own choices regardless of influence. As they say in the Kingdom of Heaven film, when you're before God and he asks you why you did something, you won't be able to say that others told you to do so or that it wasn't convenient to do the right thing — it'll not be enough. And it's not enough because your actions matter more than your intentions. Your actions will be the thing that will determine what happens next, not your intentions. It'll be actions that will shape your path and influence or directly impact the path of others around you, not your intentions.

The older I get, the more I understand the power of action and how it says more than any intention or feeling ever will. At the end of it, Snape's actions are what matters, not his feelings or intentions. But as humans, we're so prone to empathize with others that we actually believe that, because someone feels guilty or regrets the things they did, that's enough to forgive them.

We forget that it's not.

Earning forgiveness must come with 5 major steps —

Accountability — do they acknowledge the way their actions hurt us? Do they acknowledge the way they hurt us? Do they acknowledge their role in our pain?

Apologies — do they apologize? Is their apology sincere? Do they hold themselves accountable in their apologies?

Acceptance — do they feel entitled to forgiveness? Do they accept the consequences of their actions? Do they accept the boundaries you impose on the path to forgiveness?

Amends — Did they take steps to mend what's broken? Do they make choices to prevent them from doing this again? Do they try to help without crossing your boundaries?

Alteration — Did they change the behavior that hurt you? Did they take steps to improve themselves?

Those steps are fundamental in a Redemption Arc because it'll exemplify to the (young) readers what is forgivable and how forgiveness is earned, not deserved. That's what grits me the most about Snape's "Redemption Arc":

There is no accountability, at least not for joining and upholding a hate group, and we kinda get accountability for what he did in his friendship with Lily, but in a fucked up way, let's see:

It was nighttime. Lily, who was wearing a dressing gown, stood with her arms folded in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, at the entrance to Gryffindor Tower. “I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.” “I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just – ” “Slipped out?” There was no pity in Lily’s voice. “It’s too late. I’ve made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends – you see, you don’t even deny it! You don’t even deny that’s what you’re all aiming to be! You can’t wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?” He opened his mouth, but closed it without speaking. “I can’t pretend anymore. You’ve chosen your way, I’ve chosen mine.” “No – listen, I didn’t mean – ” “ – to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?”

It's very important to me that we dissect this piece of dialog because it shows a lot about Snape and how every time he's tried to apologize, there's no accountability.

He didn't say he's sorry he said that slur (to LILY and only Lily, might I add, when at all would've been ideal but I'll have some leniency because of the situation) — he's said he's sorry, but not for what he has done, just for Lily. He didn't take responsibility for his words as he should — he says it 'slipped out' or that 'he didn't mean, again just to LIly.

He accepted no boundaries Lily tried to impose — sleeping outside Gryffindor? Really?

Most importantly of all, he took absolutely ZERO steps to alter his behavior so that he could never harm someone again like he harmed Lily. And that's very important, I cannot begin to explain how: when we regret doing something, the most fundamental step to take in change.

Change is fundamental to forgiveness but it shouldn't be conditioned by it. If we regret doing something harmful, the first thing to do is to change our behavior. Instead, Snape not only doesn't change his problematic behavior, he doubles down on it, joining the hate group Lily pointed out as one of the main problems in why their relationship couldn't continue, acting in the name of said group for years and only backing down on it when Lily is threatened.

And that reveals something about Snape's worldview: for him, since that day he called Lily a slur, the problem wasn't that he was a bigoted piece of shit (like Lily said it was), the problem, in his head, was that he hurt Lily. And that's not true. The problem is, one hundred percent, his bigoted behavior, and Lily says as much, more than one time. He just does not listen to it. He doesn't listen to her.

More than that, though, you can try to point out that he redeems himself by acting against Voldemort but I'm sorry: what Snape did is not enough. He was part — and believed in — a hate group, it's not enough that he changes sides not because of values, but because one person who is being threatened is dear to him (which was the whole prerogative anyway so I failed to see how he's even surprised by this). You can say that this is good or honorable or "love" but it's not cute to base your entire life around one person.

It's not honorable to prioritize one person over a whole world he was threatening before and not caring at all about them. Disregarding other human beings in favor of one is not as pretty as people think it is and Snape represents this very well: it makes you bitter, it makes you become abusive, cruel, a bully to everyone else. It's not pretty, it's not understandable. Be a fucking decent human being, it's actually not that hard.

But I digress again: my point is, that just because Snape regrets the things he has done for Voldemort (not even out of morals, which drives me mad) it doesn't mean he deserves forgiveness. He doesn't and he hasn't earned it, he didn't even try. Actually, he's so stuck in his regret, he's harmful because of it: guilt is a trap, babes. It sucks you in if you let it and makes you miserable as well as anyone around you. You'll be so remorseful and yet you'll hurt people because of it.

And it's the same thing I've been saying since the beginning: we need to stop associating feelings with deserving forgiveness because you don't deserve forgiveness, you earn it. Either you earn it from someone else, from yourself, or from both, but either way, it's earned, not deserved. If I were to excuse my harmful behavior every time just because I regretted doing something instead of earning their forgiveness by taking steps to apologize to the people I've hurt, I would be compared to my father all the time. And THAT would've been an insult.

Anyway, let's just stop feeling sorry for characters, especially fascists, just because they regret something. Please, let us hold our characters accountable for the shit they've done adequately and make our writers actually put in the work to make them earn the forgiveness they crave instead of just wallowing in their own misery, stuck forever in a vortex of hurting and being hurt that sucks people in. It's not a good example for us readers, it's not a good example of behavior, it's not what a good person who did shitty things should strive to be and we shouldn't think it is.

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foundfamilynonsense · 1 year

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Alright!! I know people love redemption arcs, and so do I! But we have to remember what a redemption arc is.

Rant under the cut.

You need two things for a good redemption.

The character must understand and admit their past actions were wrong.

The character must work to right these wrongs and fight for good.

Example of a redemption arc:

Zuko!

Zuko has a legitimate redemption arc. He discovers he was fighting for the wrong side and for the wrong reasons. He acknowledges this, and talks about it a lot. He then joins the Avatar, teaches him fire bending so he can end the war and save the Earth Kingdom, and vows to restore honor to the fire nation and start an era of peace.

That is acknowledgement + hard work = redemption. Good job Zuko I love you.

Redemption? ✅ yes 🥰

But what are some other characters known for their redemption?

Darth Vader turns back to the light, but he does not have a redemption arc.

Does he acknowledge he was wrong.

Uhhhhh…. Sort of? When Luke asks him to let go of his hate, he says “it’s too late for me, son” which implies he knows he’s bad…. But then that also says that for how long he knew he was in the wrong and didn’t outright acknowledge or try to fix it???

Then when he’s dying he tells Luke “you were right” and like… right about… what. Right about how was dark? Right about how the Sith were evil and Vader had to become Anakin again? If so, this is an acknowledgment. Good job! But I don’t think that’s what he meant. I think he meant “you were right, there was still good in me” which like… is sorta an acknowledgment. He’s not really saying “I was wrong, I’m sorry, I’ll do better.” He’s saying “I did evil, but there was still good inside like you said” which is kinda a partial acknowledgment. I’ll give him half credit.

2. Does he work to right his wrongs?

Darth Vader kills Palpatine. That can be considered work towards redemption.

But can it? Palpatine was sitting on the Death Star that Lando was about to blow up. Palpatine would have died anyway.

What Vader actually did was save Luke’s life. Which is an act of good, and goes towards rebuilding the Jedi Order and fixing the damage from the genocide he started and participated in.

But does that one act really make up for everything he was a part of? Of course, maybe he would have done more, but he died. But I mean, he doesn’t actually put any work into making the world better while he’s still alive.

Redemption? ❌ no.

So why do we think this is redemption?

Fallacy #1: death = redemption

So here’s the thing: does sacrificing your life count as good work?

Sacrifices feel like a cheep way to say a villain is now a hero. A way to cop out of hard work. They turn to the light and immediately die, so now they’re immortalized as this savior.

Of course, a sacrifice definitely says something. But is it an actual redemption or is it just him having a change of heart?

I completely agree that he should be seen as someone who returned to the light. The whole point is that he is, technically, the chosen one. He brings an end to the Sith. But to say he is redeemed is a bit of a stretch. Because he didn’t actually make anything right, and he never really acknowledges what he did wrong.

Snape!!

Snape was a Death Eater, and we can assume he started immediately out of Hogwarts. As a Death Eater in Voldemort’s inner circle we can assume he did a bunch of bad shit including murder. We know he told Voldemort about a prophecy that would result in Voldemort killing a BABY, so he definitely did bad shit.

Let’s switch up the order.

Does he work towards making it right?

He switches sides, warns Dumbledore that Voldemort is going to try and kill a baby, acts as a spy and no doubt gives a shit ton of vital info, risks his life to help the Order, save Harry’s life in the first book, tell Harry what he has to do to defeat Voldemort, and plays a huge hand in stopping Voldemort.

Good job Snape. ✅

2. Does he acknowledge he was wrong?

In one point, in the seventh book, the portrait of Phineas Black says the word Mudblood, and Snape yells at him for it. This shows he at least understands it is wrong to use slurs.

But no where in the series does he ever acknowledge that is it wrong to be a Death Eater, that it is wrong to be prejudice, that it is wrong to use Dark Magic, or that he was wrong to be a part of it.

He joins the good guys because he discovers the baby Voldemort is going to kill is the son of a woman he’s obsessed with, and she might die too. He continues fighting because that woman died, and he wants to do right by her. This is how he mourns her, basically.

Even when he snaps about the portrait using a slur, it is directly related to how he lost touch with this girl bc he used that slur against her.

He does good work for inherently selfish reasons. If the chosen one had been Neville, he would have happily remained a Death Eater. He turned to make himself feel better over losing Lily Evans. Never once in the books does he show that he now believes muggle borns (besides this one muggle born he’s obsessed with) are equal to him, that Voldemort is doing anything wrong, or that he was ever in the wrong. It never shows that he understands he was wrong, much less showing him acknowledge and admit it.

Redemption? ❌ no.

So. Why do we think Snape is redeemed?

Fallacy #2: reason = redemption.

An origin story does not equal a redemption arc.

In book five, the author decided snape would be a good guy. And suddenly made James Potter and Sirius Black bullies in high school in order for Snape to have a reason to become a Death Eater and be terrible to Harry.

It was never hinted that James and Sirius were bullies before. In fact, Sirius once agreed with Hermione about house elf rights only to turn around in the next book and be a bully to Kreature. This hypocrisy is never mentioned. I think she forgot she wrote that first but. Lupin once describes the relationship between James and Snape as tense because Snape was jealous of James’s quidditch skill. The only evidence we have of bullying before is of a practical joke Sirius pulled on Snape because Snape was actively snooping around and trying to get them all expelled.

The bullying is used as a reason for us to feel sorry for Snape, and is usually put as the reason he became the man he is: someone who actively harasses children and bullies them while in his class.

However, Ron once had the whole school sing about how much he sucked at quidditch, Harry and Hermione had to sit through Snape read an embarrassing news article about how they might be in love in front of the entire class, the whole school once wore badges that read “potter stinks” for a year, and don’t get me started on Neville. Yet none of these people became Nazis. And this bullying was way way worse than the bullying we witness Snape go through.

Bullying does not make people evil. Should people be bullied? No. But being bullied is not a get out of redemption free card. He needs to acknowledge what he did.

I’m getting tired of people saying “I think everyone can be redeemed” because yes! That’s true! But in order to be redeemed the character has to acknowledge what they did and put the same amount of food into the world as they took out of it. You don’t get redemption cards handed out for having a sad past, or for doing one good thing and then dying in a blaze of glory. Redemption is something you have to earn. Honor is something you give yourself (to quote my boy Zuko). And if a character doesn’t do that, they’re no redeemed. They’re just fun to read and watch.

#rant #star wars #anti harry potter #avatar the last airbender #atla #atla zuko #zuko #Darth Vader #redemption arc #snape

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happilykrispypirate · 2 years

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Whatever it takes

Pairing: Potter!fem!reader x Mattheo Riddle

Warnings: swearing, some angst, mentions of suicide and my shitty writing

Part Two

Mattheo had been given the task to kill you. Unlike your brother you did not need to be killed by Voldemort himself. You were not something special.

That has been made clear to you all your life. You were always second to Harry. Always in the chosen one's shadow.

Mattheo thought since you were the misunderstood one he could make you feel like you were something and then just kill you. However that did not go as planned.

"Hello, Potter," Mattheo said as he approached you in the library. You looked up from your book.

"Riddle, what do you want?" You asked.

"How come you assume I want something?" He asked as he sat down next to you.

"You never talk to me, don't even look at me. The only reason you know I exist is because your father is my and my brother's so called arch nemesis," you said rolling your eyes.

"Well, that does not mean that you and I are enemies," He said and smirked.

You stayed silent and looked a him for a while. It made him confused.

He got even more confused when you tilted your head and smiled, "You have to kill me, don't you?"

He was taken aback, his eyes widened, "How did you-?"

"I'm not dumb, Riddle," You said cutting him off, "But it doesn't matter. You can get it over with, the sooner the better."

"Hang on," He said utterly confused, "Are you telling me I should kill you right now?" (Well isn't Y/n just a gen zone kid?)

"Yes," You said before looking down at your book again, "I'm not bothered, nobody will even notice that I'm gone."

Mattheo's heart sank a little. He always knew you were neglected but he didn't know it was so bad that it made you want to die.

He then had another idea, a better one. One that will help you and still satisfy his father.

"Father," Mattheo said as he walked into the Malfoy Manor's dining hall.

"Mattheo shouldn't you be at Hogwarts? Carrying out your mission?" Voldemort said as he looked at Mattheo.

"My original plan was to win her trust and then kill her, but when I talked to her today I thought that instead of killing her, she can join us," Mattheo said and all the death eaters looked at Voldemort expecting an answer.

"Do you really think she would just abandon her brother and friends?" Voldemort asked.

"Yes, father," He said, "I am 100% sure she would."

"How are you so sure?" Voldemort asked narrowing his eyes a bit.

"Because she already did," Mattheo said and the doors opened and you walked in.

You stood next to Mattheo and he gave you an encouraging nod. You turned to Voldemort and he was staring at you in shock.

That look of shock soon turned into a smirk, "My... how wonderful," Voldemort said.

"My lord, I am here to help you in defeating my brother," You said and bowed your head slightly.

"How do I know you're not here as a spy?" Voldemort asked.

You lifted your sleeve and walked over to him, "Mark me and you will know," You said and held your arm out for him.

Voldemort looked at you in shock once again before he took out his wand and pressed it to your arm.

You sat in the gryffindor common room reading a book.

Everyone else was at dinner which meant more peace and quiet for you.

That ended unfortunately because your brother, Hermione and Ron walked in.

"Y/n, where have you been all day?" Harry asked.

"Busy," Is all you said keeping your eyes on the book.

"Busy with what?" He asked.

"Something," You said.

"Why won't you tell me?" He asked and you could hear he was getting annoyed.

"Because it's none of your business," You said.

"Of course it's my business, I'm-"

"The chosen one, I get it. I don't care," You said and looked at him, "You might be the chosen one but you're not the boss of me. I don't need to tell you anything. Half the time you don't even look at me, only when you need something or only when you think I'm doing something that will affect you badly. You're so full of yourself."

You slammed the book shut and got up and left the common room. You were on your way to the library when you bumped into someone.

"Sorry," You said and looked up at the person and saw it was Mattheo, "Oh... hi."

"Hi," He said with a tiny smile, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, why do you ask?" You asked.

"Y/n," He said looking at you like he's saying 'I know you're lying'.

You sighed and shook your head, "I just got in a fight with my brother," You said.

"What happened?" Mattheo asked.

"He was just acting like everything I want to do, I need permission from him and he needs to know about everything I do," You said and rolled your eyes, "It's always been like this. He's acting as if I'm 5 and I can't think for myself."

"Just ignore him, whenever he's acting like that, just come find me," He said and smiled.

You smiled up at him, "I will thank you," You said.

"Now come on, let's go get dinner. You can sit with me," He said and held his arm out which you of course took.

You got to the Great Hall and everyone stared at you in shock as you walked to the slytherin table and sat with Mattheo.

"So this is where you have been," You turned around and saw your brother.

You rolled your eyes and opened your mouth to say something else but Mattheo cut you off.

"Yeah, it is. Is there a problem?" He asked whilst glaring at Harry.

"Yeah, there is," Harry said and Mattheo stood up and got right up into Harry's face.

"Why don't we sort it out then?" Mattheo said but you stood up and pulled Mattheo away from Harry.

"Just leave, Harry," You said as you pulled Mattheo behind you.

"So what? Are you fucking Riddle?" Harry spat, "I always knew you were a slut."

Mattheo was ready to jump at Harry but you stepped in front of him. He put his hands on your waist to move you but you stood your ground.

"You're pathetic, Y/n," Harry said, "No wonder no one likes you."

Mattheo's grip on your waist tightened.

"Just do us all a favour and kill yourself," Harry said.

Mattheo's grip tightened a lot more.

You started laughing, "Oh wow, that's so mature," you said laughing, "What a comeback."

"Listen Harry, I've tried that about 6 or 7 times. And everytime I was caught and stopped. You don't know that because they didn't want me trying to kill myself ruining your image," You said, "So you know what fuck you, Harry. I'm done."

You turned around and pushed past Mattheo and sat down. Everyone was looking at you.

"What are you looking at?" You asked loudly and everyone went back to eating. Harry left and Mattheo sat down next to you.

"Finally," Pansy said from across you, "I always knew you were the better sibling." She smiled at you, you returned the gesture.

"One day, he's going to get what's coming for him," Draco said.

"And I'm going to give it to him," You said as you glared at Harry.

It was holiday time. You of course have no family to stay with and you sure as hell are not going to the Dursleys or the Weasleys. You're quite sure the Weasleys won't want you there and of course Harry is going to be there.

"Are you packed?" Mattheo asked as he sat down next to you in the Slytherin common room.

You were in there most of the time because all of your friends were Slytherin. You even have your own bed there, Pansy got a room with 2 beds and so the one was always open and unused. When you two became friends she offered you the bed and you could not decline.

"No, I'm not going anywhere," You said as you looked up from the book at him.

"Oh," He said, "I thought you were coming home with me?" He smiled at you.

"Oh no, I couldn't. I don't want to intrude," You said.

"Nonsense, I'd love having you there. Besides it was my father that insisted that you come," He said and you sighed with a tiny smile.

"Alright, I'll go pack," You said and got up. Mattheo smiled brightly at you as you walked away. Your heart couldn't help but skip a beat when he smiled at you.

After you got done packing you walked downstairs with your bags.

"Let me help you with that," Mattheo said as he grabbed your bags.

"I have hands, I can carry my own bags," You said.

"Come on, the carriages are waiting," He said completely ignoring what you just said.

You two got to the carriages and off you went to the train station.

The train ride to King's Cross was not like any other train ride you had in the last 6 years. You actually had friends to talk to this time.

Once the train arrived you learned that all of your friends were going to the Malfoy's house as well.

"There's my parents," Draco said and we followed him to them. The whole time you were walking Mattheo kept his hand on the small of your back.

"Hello children, Ms Potter, Mr Riddle," Lucius said which made you confused. You understood why they addressed Mattheo so formal but not you. You just shrugged it off.

"Y/n, don't look now but your brother is coming over," Pansy said and you rolled your eyes.

"Let's just-" You got cut off when Harry grabbed your arm and pulled you away from them.

"You're coming with me right now," He said as he gripped your arm tightly and pulled you towards the weasleys.

"Let go," You said as you pried your arm from his tight grip. You then swung and punched him in the face sending him to the ground.

He stood up and his nose was bleeding and crooked... Nice.

"Leave me alone, or I promise you, you won't be walking away with just a bloody nose, you won't be walking away at all," You said and turned around.

"I was going to help, but when I wanted to, I saw you had it covered," Mattheo said and smiled.

"That felt really good," You said and laughed.

Mattheo laughed as well and wrapped an arm around your shoulders as you walked with everyone else.

Part Two

#mattheo riddle x reader #riddle #mattheoriddle #harrypotter #mattheoxreader #xreader #reader insert

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hagoftheundergrowth · 4 years

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Yhmmmm y’all know that...that like

Boys, and you can look at the statistics in the States alone, will join gangs often if they are raised in a fatherless household, or household with an unstable father figure. Let me elaborate.

Boys like /this/ want paternity. They want the structure their fathers could never give them. So they join gangs. They want brotherhood, they wanna talk about bro stuff. To their morally underdeveloped minds, they won’t care, or in other words, they’ll push aside the fact that the organization, gang or what have you is corrupt. Even if they actually have morals and values, which usually are taught to them by their mothers. They need the fuckin structure, so that they can grow up, and become, in their minds, capable MEN in adult life, and yeah they’re criminals, they’re bad, but to them at least it’s something. Something that makes them someone. That whole scene where Snape gets into Slytherin and he goes and sits beside Lucius, and Lucius gives him a pat on the back? That’s him saying, you’re one of us, you’re accepted, we’re gonna turn you around etc etc. So Snape and Lily have this conflict because he’s gone and joined the dark side, and she doesn’t agree. She’s repulsed by the evil tricks they play, classist, racist slurs she probably overhears. You know, I can only imagine the convos between them. Like, he’s not gonna leave his bros and she’s this thing that makes him wanna be good, and makes him wanna love. And she’s disgusted by the people he’s hanging around, disgusted by him. Ya know? So of course he’s a spy. Of course he’s a double agent. Because he fucking knows what he’s doing is wrong wrong wrong, being a death eater. But like, what is a young man to do? Always he was motivated by love, by light. Listen I’m not gonna get mad at Snape haters. But all I’m saying... you guys out there who don’t like him... just look a little closer and understand. And you know, Harry Potter is a whole other story. You know why he never joined ‘the dark side’ well yeah he was the chosen one, but I think a big part that goes into this is because Hogwarts raised him. Hogwarts gave him all the structure he needed. It was like /his family/. He wasn’t cast off like snape to fend for himself...

#snape #ramblings #pro snape #harrypotter

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recreancyrpg · 2 years

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BASICS.

NAME. Evan Rosier AGE. 29 ALUMNI HOUSE. Slytherin BLOOD STATUS. Pureblood FACECLAIM. Manny Jacinto

HISTORY.

From an early age, Evan knew exactly what people expected of him. He wasn’t an only child, but being the oldest and the only heir came with a specific kind of pressure. Not to mention the fact that the Rosiers were one of the most prominent pureblood families in Britain. And, for a long time, Evan did all right following those expectations. He was a leader to his younger sisters - the golden child in his parents’ eyes. Head Boy of his year and a member of Horace Slughorn’s Slug Club, Evan was quite the popular catch in Hogwarts.

He went into healing after graduation because it was a nice, respectable career. The exams and training were long and hard, but Merlin-forbid he drop out and choose to be something less exacting like a mere Mediwizard. No, not in his family! Still, he persevered. If there was anything Evan excelled in, it was determination and the ability to stay the course. He wasn’t exactly passionate about healing, but he definitely took it seriously. Just as seriously as he took joining the Death Eaters.

It was the next logical step - his expectation to follow in his family’s footsteps. After all, his father was a proud member himself. One of the Dark Lord’s oldest friends, a classmate from their Master’s own Hogwarts years. The first thing the Dark Lord asked of Evan was to infiltrate the Order of the Phoenix. Evan was young when he first got the Mark and he worried the task at hand would be impossible, given his status within pureblood society.

But it was a lot easier than anticipated. Neither he nor his father were known Death Eaters, after all. And one of his good friends from childhood was Frank Longbottom. Evan slipped in easily after being vouched for by Frank and, for the last four years, he’s been playing spy for the Dark Lord. However, what once seemed a great honor has lately lost some of its appeal. Evan has been working alongside these people for years - many of them he now considers friends. He gets drinks with them on the regular, trusts them with his life, and unbeknownst to his Master, heals them after a mission. Because, despite how easy it would be to let someone die under his hand, just like the oath Evan had made upon taking the Dark Mark, he also took the Healer’s Oath. And more often than not recently, he’s been thinking he may have chosen the wrong side in the first place.

CONNECTIONS.

FRANK LONGBOTTOM. An old friend from childhood. While they didn’t hang around together too much in school, they had never lost their friendship from when they were kids attending the same status parties. Frank brought Evan into the Order and he remains a confidant to this day. Frank has no idea of Evan’s true allegiance and, the closer they get, the more guilty Evan feels about this lie. DAISY HOOKUM. Evan doesn’t understand Daisy. While she’s not a pureblood like him, her bloodline goes far enough back that it’s not like she knew her Muggle ancestors - so why care so much about them? He might be losing some of that prejudice he’d grown up with, but that doesn’t mean he’d like a life outside of magic. Not to mention, Daisy is always hunting him down for interviews on pureblood society for that damn book she’s writing. GIDEON PREWETT, JAMES POTTER, MARLENE MCKINNON, & EMMELINE VANCE. Evan has complicated feelings about the four captives. They were purebloods! They were supposed to be safe! The Dark Lord had promised Evan and his other followers that only dirty blood would be spilled, but the Prewetts are part of the Sacred 28 just like him! He’d been the one to heal them upon their return, so he knows better than most just what the Death Eaters did to them - and he’s sickened by it.

EVAN IS TAKEN.

**Note: Evan is a spy for the Death Eaters, but only Emma Vanity and Theodosia Selwyn are aware of this. Severus Snape, the last of the spies, remains unaware.

#slytherin rp #death eater rp #harry potter rp #hogwarts rp #marauders rp #pureblood #evan rosier #evan rosier bio #character bio #slytherin #taken

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macdonaldtms · 3 years

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THE THREE DEATHS OF MARY MACDONALD : AN ORIGINAL MOTION PICTURE SOUNDTRACK !

what is a life? a series of yeses and noes, photographs you shove in a drawer somewhere, loves you think will save you but that cannot. continuing to move, ENDURING, not stopping even when there is pain. that's all life is, he wants to tell her. it's continuing.

FEAR by sleeping at last. plays over the scene where eoghan macdonald is informed of his wife’s death, while the young mary watches on.

MAGGIE MAY by rod stewart. heard when the bartender placates a young margaret macdonald by singing a song named for her.

HERE WE GO by norman. i will run, i will rise, i will grow. a bit too intense, but chosen mostly for the beat. plays over mary’s sorting into gryffindor house.

PROBLEMS by mother mother. you and me are not the same. i am a sinner, you are a saint. plays while mulciber & mary duel for the first time. as song choices go, it’s fairly deliberate - the jaunty nature is in direct contrast to the serious grudge that forms on this day, as mary beats him.

BITCH (TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE) by lennon stella. plays over the scene immediately following the duel, when mary hits mulciber with a zinger that he will never really forget. ‘our blood doesn’t look as different as you thought it did, does it, marcus?’ chosen mostly for the beat.

GRACE KELLY (ACOUSTIC) by mika. background music in the three broomsticks on mary’s first hogmseade trip, which also happens to be our first hint of her huge crush on sirius black.

THE NIGHT by the last days of our past. plays over mulciber’s attack.

MEDICINE by daughter. you’ve got a warm heart, you’ve got a beautiful brain, but it’s disintegrating. mary’s possibility by lykke li arc is actually medicine by daughter.

DAUGHTER by sleeping at last. and all you gotta do is put one foot in front of you. plays over the scene where eoghan reads through mary’s owl results and tells her how proud her mother would have been.

JUPITER by flower face. i’m certain it must be holy to feel something so pure. plays as sirius creates a private bubble for mary in the middle of a gryffindor house party, intensifies as he joins her within it. turning point moment, for what has, until now, been a schoolgirl crush.

BRAVE NEW WORLD by kalandra. is this the world we were meant to grow in? somebody tell me where we’re going? plays over the montage that closes out mary’s hogwarts years. juxtaposes the genuinely joyful flashes that are included within it and really intensifies the flashes of the ongoing war outside of the school - a war that mary chooses to fight, when the invitation is extended to join the order of the phoenix.

LYING TO YOU by keaton henson. and as we lie in bed i feel lonely, though we’re young i feel eighty years old. plays over sirius encouraging mary to go to the wedding as peter’s date. ‘that’s my mary.’

WHISPERS by halsey. sabotage the things i love most. lyrically really good, chosen more for those than the music itself. plays around the scene’s where mary is pushing eoghan away.

SEX ON FIRE by kings of leon. if it’s not forever, if it’s just tonight. plays over the final scene at lily & james’ wedding ; mary makes a promise that she will never keep ( to apologise to peter ), due to sirius sweeping her off her feet - literally & figuratively. a pivotal scene. it’s important to see them as the flawed people they are, and to note that intentional or not, their whirlwind hurt people.

TELL ME A STORY by ramin djawadi. plays over the scene shared between mary & maggie following maggie’s graduation from hogwarts school.

BABY TIGER by maple glider. i think my mind is fine, i’m fully aware it’s just the time. plays while sirius & mary lounge in bed ; mary traces sirius’ tattoos, and they share a laugh.

WATCH YOUR BACK by sam tinnesz. we’re standing face to face with the hearts that turned to black. plays over the attack on diagon alley, as mulciber advances on & subsequently attacks mary ( for the second time ).

SUSPICION by lp. crippled cruel emotion, enough to turn an ocean turn to green. plays in the background of the leaky cauldron while sirius and mary discuss the spy within the order, and theorise on who it might be. there needs to be a more acoustic version of it - this is the closest i’ve gotten to something with the exact vibe, but it’s important to note it’s not suspicion between the lovers and instead, on everyone else.

SAVE MY LOVE by lonr & amber mack. and now you’re slipping away, and i’m hoping you don’t drift too far. plays over sirius & mary’s fight. ‘go fuck yourself, sirius’ / ‘why would i do that when you’ve already done it for me?’

PUT IT ON ME by matt maeson. storm in the sky, fire in the trees. if there’s nothing but pain, put it on me. there’s no other way to say it : plays as sirius & mary fuck in the safe house kitchen. the only reason there’s a sex scene in this bio is because i wanted to attach this song to it, on the soundtrack.

SHE KNOWS (INSTRUMENTAL) by j cole, amber coffeman & cults. bad things happen to the people you love and you find yourself praying up to heaven above, but honestly i’ve never had much sympathy cause those bad things always saw them coming for me. specifically this version, which isn’t on spotify. begins with the safe houses protection falling & plays while caradoc and mary battle the death eaters that descend. continues playing even up to the revelation that mary is pregnant.

LAST MOMENTS by trevor gureckis. plays as mary snaps her wand and throws what remains into the sea below, before following caradoc back inside of the ferry they flee england aboard. i specifically wanted the ocean sounds and tune that plays at the end of old, but i couldn’t find it, so,

ELEANOR RIGBY by the beatles. eleanor rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name. plays over the first half of the end credits. the very first source of inspiration for mary’s character and what every other facet was built from.

#total creds for the template go to snwchilds on deviantart #( 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐃𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐃 ) ━━━ * inspiration !#scene descs a la tune find below the cut

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weasleydream · 4 years

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Operation swan song

Here is my participation for @hp-imagines-07 writing challenge! Once again congrats love 💜 My prompts were “I don’t care!” “But I do!” and “Is it that bad?” “Yes.” (I’ve taken a bit of liberty and changed them a bit but they are still here... for the little story I had completely forgotten them and I had to put them at the last moment)

TW: mention of torture

As usual feel free to like, comment, reblog and enjoy!

(Also I’ve recently reached the 500 followers and I’ve organized a writing challenge that you can find here! Plz don’t let it flop 😂 )

Masterlist

(gif not mine)

Everyone is different, everyone acts different. Some people cry while some others laugh, some run while others walk. Some use their head while others use their fists. I liked to think I was the kind of person that was like Remus when I was the complete opposite. He was the head and I was the fists. I was as reckless as Sirius and as impulsive as James, but with a heart as big as Remus’ and a love and an admiration for my friends as unconditional as Peter’s. The only priority I had ever had was to make sure this little group I called my family was safe, whether it was from Filch or a Death Eater. You attacked them, you attacked me; that was something I had made clear since the end of the first period of our first year at Hogwarts. Maybe I wasn’t very convincing at the time - James still used to laugh when remembering the time I had threatened a fourth year who had made fun of Remus, only because with one push from the boy I had ended on the floor - but I had never been afraid to defend them and they had never been afraid to defend me.

And now that school was definitely over for us, now that we were adults, now that James and Lily were going to be parents, the mission I had decided to complete had taken more sense than ever. In my mind, if someone had to take all the responsibilities for James, Lily and the baby they were awaiting, for Remus, Sirius and Peter, then I would do it without hesitation. I would give my life for all of them, as much as I knew they would do the same for me. And now that the war was here, now that the prophecy had designated James, Lily and the baby as targets for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, I felt more than ever the need to make sure they were safe. Everyone knew this, everyone including Albus Dumbledore.

_ _ _

“Professor Dumbledore, as much as I’m happy to be back here, I believe you didn’t ask me to come only to propose to me some acid pops, am I right?”

Dumbledore folded his hands on the parchment that was spread out on the desk. His blue eyes were fixing a point on the paper, and he fixed the spot a few seconds before clearing his throat and eventually looking at me.

“You’re right, miss Y/L/N. It is for a way more grave matter that you’re here today. You probably know the Order is in a delicate position.”

“A delicate position? With all due respect, we’re being killed one by one. I don’t call this a delicate position, I call this being near from the end.”

Dumbledore sighed, a sadness all but habitual emanating from him.

“I know that, miss Y/L/N, and I believe you would do anything to prevent the Order from reaching its end, right?” I stayed silent, because we both knew the answer and I was beginning to understand where the conversation was going. “You want to protect your friends and their family, right?”

“What if you got to the point?”

“I need to stay one step ahead of Voldemort, and I need you to help me with that.”

“How- what- how could I help with that?” I stuttered, truly taken aback with what Dumbledore was implying. “Don’t tell me- do you want me to infiltrate the enemies’ camp?”

“That is not exactly what I want. I need you to spy on them, they must not know about you.”

Dumbledore’s piercing blue eyes were almost burning holes in my forehead as I was looking down, trying to process all that it meant. I had the unpleasant sensation that every word had been carefully chosen and that the old man knew that by insisting on my devotion for my friends, he would ensure that my answer would be positive. But spying on the Death Eaters? Even for me, it was a lot. More than a dangerous move, it was a suicidal mission, and if the thought of dying to protect baby Potter wasn’t scaring me that much, thinking that I would have to leave my friends and more especially Remus was making my heart ache painfully.

“Is that your plan?” I whispered. “The only thing you’ve come up with to save us all?”

“Who said it is my only idea? And this is not a plan, miss Y/L/N, only a proposition. You don’t have any obligation.” His eyes still on me, Dumbledore slowly raised his hands to fold them underneath his chin. Somewhere behind him, his phoenix moved.

“A plan, a proposition, I don’t care what we call this. You need someone to send among the enemies and you want me to do it, that’s the same thing.”

“Will you do this, yes or no?”

“Of course I’ll do it.” I muttered before leaving the office with the sensation I had just been manipulated.

It was late at night and the corridors of the school were empty. There were probably a few students out of their dorm - Merlin knew only a few years ago I was part of them - but I didn’t see anyone, and I took the occasion to wander in this familiar place. I stopped in front of a window on the second floor that was overlooking the entrance courtyard. A girl and a boy were sitting next to each other on a bench. They looked like they were looking at the stars. Suddenly, the boy got up and grabbed the girl’s hand and they began to dance to an unheard music, maybe the music of their hearts, I thought bitterly as I looked away.

Maybe it was the weight of the upcoming mission that would very probably kill me, maybe I was just being sensitive because I was alone in the dark, but I was regretting the days I would be in this girl’s shoes and Remus would be in the boy’s. How many nights had we spent here, on that same bench, looking at the same stars? Our thing wasn’t to dance but to share stories, legends or gossip. We would stay here for hours, only coming back to the dorm when the sky took a delicate orange shade. And we would never talk about these nights, greeting the other in the morning in the same way we did with our friends, we would avoid questions and the other’s eyes for the day before doing exactly the same a few days later.

I had always thought I would have a lifetime to figure out what my feelings for him were, but only now did I realize my lifetime was desperately short.

_ _ _

Lily opened the door carefully before smiling broadly.

“Y/N! I didn’t know you were coming!”

She stepped aside to let me in. As soon as the door was closed, she threw her arms around me. When she let go of me, my eyes fell on her barely visible bump and a whiff of courage invaded me.

“How is the baby?” I asked.

Lily’s eyes brightened and she began to babble on about how she wasn’t sick anymore, how James was adorable with her (“But still an idiot.” she stated with a little smirk), and how cute was that little stuffed stag she had found. We were now sitting in the small kitchen, the both of us holding a welcomed cup of tea. We were in January, the air was freezing, the sky was always so dark yet Lily and James’ little house was still so warm it made you feel like home. To be fair, it felt like it was also ours as Sirius, Remus and I used to spend a lot of time here. Peter was a bit less with us, he was working on a personal project which, in my opinion, had something to do with the Order. He seemed more invested than before, and we were all glad to see he had finally been able to fight his fear.

“Y/N, listen, I didn’t want to tell you but… The boys are worried about you, and I am too. We all agree on the fact that you’ve acted strange last week and- well, you know you can tell us everything, right?”

Lily’s eyes were so full of worry that I felt guilty for making her feel such a negative emotion.

“Lily, don’t make a big deal out of it, it’s no good for the baby. I swear everything is okay.” I smiled, an expression that looked everything but convincing, which I realized as soon as Lily frowned.

“Now I know something is definitely wrong.”

“No, really, I told you-”

“Hello there!”

James entered the kitchen, his smile widening when his eyes caught mine.

“Hey Y/N/N, I didn’t know you were coming!”

I smiled broadly and got up before wrapping my arms around him. When he joined Lily to kiss her, Sirius and Remus appeared at the door, the both of them greeting me in the same way James had done. When Remus’ hands touched my back, the memory of us on this courtyard came back and I shivered. Quickly stepping back, I pretended to be cold and ended up in Remus’ sweater. James had insisted for Lily to stay with us in the living room and had brought more tea, and now we were all squeezed on the two couches, sharing not really pleasant news.

“Lily, Y/N, did you know about the rumour that’s going about the Order?” suddenly asked Sirius.

James looked up, and I felt Remus tensing next to me.

“What rumour?” asked Lily, genuinely confused as to why the three boys looked so grave.

“It says that Dumbledore would have given a suicidal mission to a member of the Order.” declared James. “As it seems, it would be a spying mission. Not even undercover.”

“I don’t know who has agreed to do this, but they must be crazy.” muttered Sirius. “There’s no way they are coming back.”

“For me, things are different now,” said James while placing his hands on Lily’s little bump, “but even a few months ago I wouldn’t have done something like this.”

“But why not undercover?” asked Lily. “I mean we already have a few members infiltrated, but why not another?”

“I guess that’s because the infiltrated members of the Order aren’t close enough to You-Know-Who.” Remus spoke up. He was frowning and absent-mindedly playing with the end of his shirt’s sleeve. “A spy would be able to hear the most confidential things. If they aren’t killed before, of course.”

I shifted uncomfortably. Of course they were talking about me without knowing it, but the way they were bringing this up was making me realize how insane I had been to accept this. But the worst was that seeing Lily in such a state of worry without knowing for who she was scared, hearing Sirius mumbling that the poor guy would be a hero, yes, but a dead one and James adding he wouldn’t like to be in their shoes, seeing Remus sighing and closing his eyes as if he was already mourning, all of this made me wonder how they would react.

“Y/N, are you feeling well?”

Sirius’ voice almost made me jump, and I realized all of my friends were now looking at me. I felt my blood becoming ice in my veins while my heart was beating way quicker than it should.

“Yes- yes, don’t worry.”

My shaky voice didn’t convince anyone, of course it didn’t, and it only made them suspicious.

“Y/N,” began slowly Remus, his eyes not leaving mine, “would you happen to know who is going on that mission?”

As soon as the last word left his mouth, I saw in Remus’ eyes that himself had read the answer in mine. His expression didn’t change, but his eyes, usually so clear, were darkening more and more as the realization of what it meant was sinking into him.

“Y/N?” asked Lily, her voice sounding so far from me I almost missed it.

“I am. I am going on that mission.”

The heaviest silence I had ever heard took place, and it stayed here for so long that I began to wonder if I had turned deaf. I was now looking down, I didn’t want to bear Remus’ gaze nor did I want to know how the others were reacting. After what felt like hours, a sob crashed the silence and Lily left her place to throw herself on me. Her tears were soaking my sweater and her hands clenching its back.

“You can’t do that!” she cried out. “You’ll be killed! You can’t!”

Her hair was all over my face and I couldn’t see the boys, but I had felt Remus leaving the couch.

“Why the hell did you do that?” exploded Sirius.

Lily jumped and James put his hands on her shoulders before pulling her in a comforting embrace. If his face was closed, Sirius’ was expressing so many things at the same time that I couldn’t put my finger on what he was really thinking. Anger, fear, disbelief? If he was probably feeling all of this, all I could see was that he was furious.

“Are you crazy? Y/N, you will be killed! Killed, you get that? Did you even think about it?”

His voice thundered, making me feel the urge to disappear.

“Sirius-”

“I knew you were ready to do anything to end this fucking war but this? You’ll never get out of this!”

“I don’t care that much!”

“But I do!”

“Sirius, please-”

“We go to Hogwarts, now. I need a word or two with-”

“I did it for you! Is it that bad?”

Obviously none of them were ready to hear this. Lily stopped crying after something that sounded like a squeal and Sirius stopped dead in his track, his hands having almost reached his jacket. The both of them along with James were looking at me with round eyes, and only at this moment did I realize the door was open and Remus wasn’t here anymore.

“What the hell does that mean?” murmured James. “Yes it is that bad! We don’t-”

“The Order is losing, James!” I exclaimed, desperate to prove my point. “We need more informations, Remus was right, infiltration isn’t enough!”

“But why you? Y/N, the Order has members stronger than you, trained Aurors! Why did Dumbledore ask you to sacrifice yourself?”

“Stop talking like I was already dead. Can’t you consider the fact that maybe I’ll get out of this alive?”

In fact, I wasn’t considering it either. I just didn’t want to admit that if Dumbledore had asked me, it was because he knew I would be easy to manipulate. Suddenly realizing I was standing in the middle of the living-room, I sunk back on the couch and put my hands on my face.

“Listen…” I began, my voice trembling. “You know as well as I do that we’re losing. James, Lily, you are threatened! I can’t let anything happen to you or your baby, not now that you’re reaching the happiness you’ve always wanted. And the both of you, this little baby, Sirius, Remus and Peter, you are my family, I love you all so much and- and I can’t let anything harm my family.”

I looked up to see that Lily had tears streaming down her face. I smiled at her, a very little smile that broke my heart as much as it seemed to break hers.

“I’m sorry Lily, really.”

“I know.” she nodded quickly before wiping her tears away. “You should go and see Remus.”

With the feeling that my knees were going to give up on me, I got up and crossed the living room under the weight of my friends’ eyes. I pushed the door that was already half open and stepped outside, the freezing air making me almost gasp as I looked for Remus.

“Remus?”

My eyes weren’t tricking me… Remus was nowhere to be seen.

“Remus!” I screamed.

Sirius stormed out, closely followed by James and Lily.

“Where is he? Where did he go?” I cried out, completely panicked as the worst scenarios were playing in my head.

“Calm down Y/N/N, I’m sure he’s okay.” said James.

He nodded toward Sirius who disappeared without a word in a soft pop that disturbed the silence of the night.

“Come on Y/N, let’s get inside before we freeze on the spot.” murmured Lily, both her hands on my shoulders.

I sighed to give myself an impression of composure and nodded, following the couple inside. My thoughts were all about Remus. What the hell was he doing? And what the hell was he thinking? James and Lily made a point of making me stop thinking about him and asked me about my meeting with Dumbledore.

“He knows how to do, this old bastard.” muttered James. “I can’t believe you fell for this.”

“I know…” I sighed. “I know but he isn’t completely wrong either. Maybe I’ll be able to catch the information that will save us all.” I added with a bitter chuckle.

The door opened suddenly, and Sirius’ silhouette appeared. As it seemed he was alone, and he cut our questions short by lifting his hand.

“He’s outside.”

I immediately got up and stormed out of the house. Remus was sitting on the low wall at the end of the garden, giving his back to me. I slowly approached, my feet making the snow screech and my breath forming a small cloud in front of my face. My eyes were humid and at this point, I didn’t know if it was really because of the cold. However, I saw Remus’ hand moving and patting the wall next to him after a short hesitation. I joined him and we sat in silence. An air stream colder than the others made me shiver.

“Are you still cold?” asked Remus with a quiet voice.

I nodded and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

“Come here.”

I moved closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder, already feeling his warmth radiating between us. The time seemed to have stopped, it was just the both of us and the snow. My mind was haunted by so many thoughts I couldn’t think straight, and all I was conscious of was Remus’ presence next to me.

“What did I do to end up with such foolish friends?” he finally asked quietly.

“We aren’t foolish,” I murmured, not wanting to break the little world around us. “We just love each other.”

“So that’s why you accepted? Because you love us?”

I lifted my head and met Remus’ eyes. They were full of pain and of worry, and how I hated seeing those eyes! I looked away, unable to face what I was imposing him.

“Y/N, please, look at me.”

His hand found my chin and I faced him again.

“You are my family.” I whispered, and as a single tear was rolling down my cheek, I leaned in his touch. “I love you all too much to let anything happen to you. I- Remus, I love you.”

Remus smiled, a tiny smile that made my heart flutter. I was feeling like a teenager who is breathless because she’s madly in love with a boy.

“I’ve been to Hogwarts.” he suddenly muttered. “I wanted to make Dumbledore change his mind, but this- well, he refused.”

“I won’t change my mind either.”

Remus grabbed my hand and kept his head down, his eyes locked on our hands.

“I know that. I just… I don’t know. I asked him to let me go with you-”

“You what?” I exclaimed, my heart suddenly racing in my ribcage. “No! Remus, no! I won’t let you! If I have to tie you myself-”

“He refused.”

It was a simple statement, but I sighed and closed my eyes, relieved. Another silence took place only to be disturbed by a rumbling coming from the depths of my stomach and a chuckle coming from Remus’ mouth.

“We should get inside and give you something to eat.”

I precipitately jumped off the wall and rushed toward the door, extremely ashamed as I had just realized I had confessed my feelings and Remus had just ignored them.

“Hey, Y/N!”

He grabbed my wrist, pulled me against him and crashed his lips on mine.

“I love you too.” he whispered against my mouth, and at the moment I was so happy I forgot every kind of threat.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

To say the last three days had been weird would be an understatement. Lily had insisted that I shouldn’t stay at my place and Sirius, Remus and I had ended up staying at the Potter’s. We still hadn’t any new of Peter which, more than worrying me, was also saddening me. The atmosphere was tense, it felt like all of us, me included, were already mourning my death. Of course, it wasn’t my friends’ intention, they had done everything to hide their worry, each in their own way. Lily, who had never really been able to cook, had made the most delicious plates I had ever eaten, even better than James’ mother’s, which I had had the chance to try a few years ago. James and Sirius had spent their time looking for informations in files stolen from the Order which had resulted in them not saying anything for hours before resuming their discoveries during the meals. Remus had shared his time between helping them and staying with me, holding my hand or chatting about anything not Order-related.

We had also received Dumbledore’s visit, who had given me all the instruction for my mission. Except the fact that he was there for what would probably kill me, it was quite funny to see the almost exaggerated glares he had received from everyone, but especially from Sirius and Remus.

And now, here I was, standing in the living-room, a backpack at my feet and holding back my tears as I was ready to leave. Remus was waiting outside but the others were here, and the first one to come to me - or jump in my arms - was Lily. She tightened me against her and was trying her best to contain her sobs.

“Promise you’ll do everything to come back, Y/N, do you promise?”

“Of course Lily. I’ll try, I swear I’ll try.”

She nodded and stepped back, sniffling. James nodded toward me before looking away, trying to hide his fear and sadness. Far from being offended, I nodded back.

“I count on you to take care of them Prongs, yeah?”

He nodded again.

“Only if you take care of yourself.”

It was my turn to nod.

I had thought Sirius would have the same reaction as James but he proved me wrong when he pulled me in a strong embrace, a bone-crushing hug we had never shared before.

“You better come back.” he muttered, his voice muffled by my hair. “There will be no place for mistakes. We can’t lose you.” he added in such a small voice that it broke my heart.

The lump in my throat prevented me from saying anything but we didn’t even need words. At the moment, I could feel their love for me, and I knew deep down that I couldn’t give up on this. I knew I would come back because we still had so much to live all together…

A whole new courage flooded in my veins and I smiled at them before grabbing my bag and getting out. Remus was sitting on the same wall as the last time and I joined him. This time, he lost no time and pulled me against him.

“I suppose they have already told you you better come back?”

“It was pretty clear.” I let out a watery chuckle.

“So I’ll just tell you I love you.”

Remus rested his forehead against mine and we both closed our eyes, enjoying this proximity. Then we shared a passionate kiss, a kiss that held so many emotions it was overwhelming. It was a kiss that meant I love you, I’m scared and See you soon. It was a kiss that meant Goodbye but also a kiss that meant Hello because at this very moment, I felt like I was re-discovering Remus, as if I was seeing and feeling a whole new part of him, and I knew he was feeling the same.

“Useless to say I don’t want you out of here, right?” I murmured against Remus’ lips.

“It would put you in danger. No, I’ll stay here, but know that everyday my eyes won’t leave the door. I’ll be waiting for you.”

I grabbed my bag which I had left on the floor and sighed.

“Guess this is it…” I said. “Time to go.”

“Y/N, please, make sure this is not your swan song.”

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

It wasn’t my first mission for the Order. I had already fought against so many Death Eaters I had lost count, and I had two infiltration missions under my belt. But I had never been that close to him, to the wizard that was killing my friends one by one and threatening my family. And never in my life had I even suspected such an army. The enemies were everywhere, they were young or old, men or women. Everytime I turned my head, I saw new faces, new enemies, and it was the scariest thing I had ever experienced. Yet I was doing quite well; in fact I had barely been spotted and the few Death Eaters that had found out about me were now dead. For three months, I had managed to stay alive. However, the more the weeks passed, the more I had wondered if that was worth it. I hadn’t heard anything, absolutely anything that an infiltrated member of the Order wouldn’t have heard.

I knew they were suspicious, all of them knew they were spied on and that was probably why they were being extremely careful when they talked. That’s why, after three months, I began considering the idea that I could try and get in one of their reunion places. However, I had made a promise to Remus, to Sirius, James and Lily, and I wanted to do my best to keep it. I didn’t want to put my life in danger more than necessary and it felt like a suicide to try such a thing.

What decided me was a conversation that I overheard between two Death Eaters one night, at the corner of a street in the heart of London.

“-in Malfoy’s manor tomorrow.” said the first. “As it seems, it’s pretty important.”

“More important than interrogating the Auror we’ve had last week?” asked the second. “What can be more important than that?”

“I’ve heard it’s the prophecy.” My heart almost stopped beating. As far as I knew, there was only one prophecy that could interest Voldemort. “The Dark Lord wants to decide on a plan to eradicate this threat.”

Then the Death Eaters disappeared, leaving me trembling in the street. A plan. To eradicate a threat. Which happened to be James and Lily’s baby. There was no way I would let that happen. I had now two choices: going back to Godric’s Hollow and warn them but miss the plan, or staying here and listening to what would be said. Apparating was too dangerous, anyone could follow me and that would threaten my friends. Suddenly, I realized that after all the time that had passed, Lily’s bump was bigger by now, and imagining her taking care of her child, James always fussing over her, Remus and Sirius and maybe even Peter with them made me take my decision.

_ _ _

I thought the plan was good. Not perfect, obviously, but good enough so that it wouldn’t end up with me being killed. Now, after having dodged dozens of green flashes of light blasting toward me, I was forced to admit that I had screwed up.

I was hiding behind a statue in the corridor, trying to catch my breath as the Death Eaters were getting closer and closer.

“Find her! She’s Dumbledore's spy, I want her alive!”

Voldemort’s voice thundered and the screams in the manor doubled in intensity. Apparating was impossible and I had to reach the front door to try and maybe - just maybe - hide long enough to leave this hell.

Suddenly, and that caught me completely off guards, my wand escaped the grip of my hand. I gasped, slowly realizing what it meant, and turned my head only to gasp once more, this time because I couldn’t believe it.

“Peter?” I whimpered.

Peter was here, in front of me, one of his hands holding my wand and his own wand pointed on me.

“You shouldn’t be here!” he squealed before looking above his shoulder, obviously terrified.

“You- you- Peter, we thought you were- I don’t understand…” I stuttered, unable to process that he was a traitor.

“Y/N, what are you doing here? You’re complicating everything!” he lamented.

Then I understood and I felt the urge to strangle him, to kill him because he had betrayed us, his friends. I was going to jump toward him when I felt a burning sensation in my back and everything became black.

_ _ _

“Crucio.”

The first thing I felt when gaining back consciousness was agony. It wasn’t even pain anymore, it was a fire in every bone of my body, magma flooding in my veins. It was the urge to rip my skin off and to end it as soon as possible. It was torture.

“Will you tell us who you are?”

I didn’t answer, and the agony came back.

“Are you from the Order?”

No answer. Agony.

“Did Dumbledore send you?”

Nothing. Agony.

“What informations have you already transmitted?”

Agony.

“Do you know the Potters?”

“Go fuck yourself.”

Agony.

“Where are they hiding?”

Agony.

“How did you get in the manor?”

Agony.

“Y/N, I’m going to help you.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

Peter didn’t listen. I didn’t know what was happening. No one was here except us. He did something and suddenly the ropes around me were on the floor. He tried to grab my arm and I shifted. I fell on the floor.

“Don’t touch me- you traitor, don’t-” I hissed.

Peter ignored me. He half carried me. We arrived outside and it was dark. Then the world became black and coloured again and we weren’t in front of the manor anymore.

“I’m sorry Y/N.”

One last world I didn’t understand, then black.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

The old man’s eyes were sad, their usually piercing blue was now shining with contained tears. The young woman in front of him wasn’t containing her tears. She was sobbing in the arms of her husband who was trembling. Then the two other men. One of them fell on his knees, his hands in his hair as if he wanted to yank them out. “Y/N, please, make sure this is not your swan song.” he had said. The other was frozen, his fists so tight his knuckles were white.

The old man left. A few seconds of shock, then the four of them disappeared.

Remus couldn’t care less if a muggle saw him. He crossed the barrier and arrived in the hall of St-Mungo’s. Not bothering to ask where she was, he rushed in the stairs and gained her level.

“Where is she? Y/N? Y/N, where are you?” he screamed.

Three nurses arrived, begging him to calm down. Remus ignored them and asked where she was. Once, twice. The nurses eventually gave up and indicated a room.

Sirius was just behind him, James and Lily were still in the stairs, but Remus didn’t care. He had to make sure- he had to see her. This couldn’t be true, obviously Dumbledore was wrong…

She was sitting on her bed. Her skin was almost as white as the sheets, except for the scars and bruises that seemed to cover her body. When Remus slammed the door open, her head snapped toward him and she smiled brightly, a beautiful smile Remus hadn’t seen in years.

“Hello!” she said. “Who are you? I was thinking about the swans’ songs. Beautiful, don’t you think?”

Remus’ heart stopped beating, and his world crashed at his feet.

Dumbledore was right.

Y/N had lost her memory, and he had lost her.

#Harry Potter #harry potter imagine #harry potter imagines #Remus Lupin #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x yn #remus lupin imagine #angst #marauder era #marauders imagine

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violet-knox · 4 years

Text

Returning Home

Part 2 of Conflict of Interest

Pairing: Severus Snape x Reader

Summary: You head back to Hogwarts to fight for the Order during the battle and find Severus to get answers to your questions.

Warnings: Angst... with a capital A 👉👈👉👈 Death, Blood, Voldemort and more angst

Word Count: 8386

A/N: This takes place a few months after part 1 in the middle of the war. I’ve pasted a few quotes from the book which I’ll mention at the bottom to avoid spoilers and obviously the credit for that goes to JKR.

Obviously I've been writing too much fluff lately soooooo...... I'M NOT SORRY!

Part 1

Everything was in ruins. The castle in a worse state than the night you’d left, abandoning your home, the responsibility you had to the students that now lay dead on the floors of the one place they were supposed to be safe, the place their parents had put their faith in when they agreed to send them back in September. You’d abandoned your love, your life, everything you’d held dear. A job that gave you everything yet left you feeling so unfulfilled. But what choice did you have? Severus Snape, Headmaster of Hogwarts, your partner and thought to be soulmate had done exactly what you’d feared and led the once great school into war. And where was he now? Hiding away somewhere to save his skin? Or perhaps he truly was the Death Eater everyone but you believed him to be, gone to stand by his Master’s side. Oh how the great have fallen, crashing and burning to the ground with nothing to show for but betrayal and loss. What would he say to you now that your nightmares had all come true? All that hope you’d carried for him gone. How could he possibly explain this chaos and exonerate himself from the horror he’d caused?

Every corner you turned you were greeted by more bloodshed. Innocents dead, Death Eaters throwing every type of Dark Magic left and right. Not a single stone in Hogwarts walls was left undamaged; some chipped or torn out from its place and most others displaying the blood of students, staff members, Aurors… your friends, ex-colleagues and peers. The sight made you wish you’d both arrived sooner and never shown up at the same time. It made you wish you’d done more than the petty hunting you’d taken part in these last few months. What good were a few caught Death Eaters now that they’d all gathered and attacked the school, destroying the place you’d left to protect?

Heading down to the end of the corridor, you turned towards the loudest of the three halls the castle offered you, filled with nothing but chaos and found a few Aurors, some you recognized, others you thought were too young to enter such a racking fight, defending themselves against a bundle of Death Eaters. You quickly joined them, throwing curse after curse, standing by their side, holding your own against the Dark Magic thrown your way.

You’d barely begun defending the school when suddenly, the wall behind the Death Eaters you fought exploded outwards, sending rockets of stone their way. You quickly shielded yourself, casting protego and watched as the school defended itself. Every Death Eater was thrown off their feet, some greeting death as soon as they hit the ground and others finding themselves not so lucky, facing wounds that would defeat even the best Healer in the world before facing down the end of an Auror’s wand.

Holding your wand up stead, you made your way towards the rubble, casting the killing curse towards a Death Eater the second you saw them twitch and stepped over the broken wall to a sight even worse than that you’d previously been greeted with. Groups of students lay dead as others ran down the corridor only to fall at the hand of another Death Eater. You couldn’t stand the sight and your anger grew the more you thought about how insignificant your helping hand really was these last few months. You were only one person, what could you possibly do to truly help these poor kids?

Making your way down the hall, you did what you could, saving as many students as possible until you heard the familiar sound of a voice you could have sworn could only belong to man of the hour himself, the Chosen One; Harry Potter. But it was him, it had to be, who else would be so bold as to use the name of you-know-who so openly, especially at a time like this?

"You need to find out where Voldemort is, because he'll have the snake with him, won't he? Do it, Harry- look inside him!" You couldn’t recognize the girl's voice at first, the fear hidden in her tone masking her usual confidence, but of course it had to be Miss. Granger.

Silence fell a while and you edged closer towards them, still hiding behind the broken wall, keeping your presence scarce.

"He's in the Shrieking Shack,” Harry finally spoke. “The snake's with him, it's got some sort of magical protection around it. He's just sent Lucius Malfoy to find Snape."

Your heart nearly stopped at the mere mention of Severus. So, it was true. It was all true and you’d been too blinded by love, convincing yourself his words were enough to believe when they were nothing more than lies. Your vision blurred as you placed a hand over your mouth, trying to keep from falling apart, tears running down your cheeks. You slumped to the ground and all the noise, all the chaos around you disappeared as you spiraled down the rabbit hole of grief. There was no need for a spy now, no need to pretend during this wad and if Harry’s words were true, that left you with one obvious conclusion; Severus Snape was a Death Eater.

"He's not-he's not even FIGHTING?" Hermione had never sounded so outraged before, her risen voice snapping your mind back to reality. Your head pounded, fighting your heart which begged to find another explanation for Severus, anything to prove what you had with him wasn’t a lie. You wanted so badly to believe you’d hallucinated this conversation, that Harry had made up what he said was true but the more they spoke, the more your hope faded along with your dreams of a pleasant reunion.

"He doesn't think he needs to fight," said Harry. "He thinks I'm going to go to him."

You closed your eyes, unable to hear anymore. Your head felt like it was about to implode from rejecting the fact that Severus had lied to you, telling you he was fighting, spying for Dumbledore when he’d double crossed the Order, he’d double crossed you. Placing your face in your hands, you brought your knees up to your chest, taking deep breaths as you tried to clear your mind. Now was not the time to panic. Now wasn’t the time to feel resentful. A war had broken out and you were in the midst of it. The important thing right now was to fight and win this battle before all was lost to the darkness that had enveloped your love.

But if Severus had been truthful to you, the one person in his life you knew he trusted more than anyone, then perhaps there was something going on greater than these attacks. Something you were unaware of. Why was Harry Potter looking for that snake and why was it so heavily protected? If anyone knew, it would be Severus, and if Potter and his friends were planning to make their way to the Shrieking Shack then it was only logical for you to go with them. Even if Severus had betrayed you, even if there was no deeper plot, you could still do your part and protect the boy who lived. He was supposed to be the key to winning this war after all, so the best thing you could do for the sake of the Wizarding World was find the truth and protect him.

Just when you’d finally made a decision and jumped back up to your feet, you heard two Death Eaters shouting for Potter, approaching him with their drawn wands. But Miss. Granger had beaten you to the punch, attacking them before making a break for it. With the sudden chaos that ensued, you could no longer spot them. You honestly weren’t sure if they’d decided on their next move, but you knew at least one of them would head to the Shrieking Shack which meant they would all do what they could to assist.

You quickly sprinted towards the Entrance Hall, encountering Death Eater after Death Eater on your way, but finally you’d found yourself outside the castle doors, spotting Potter and his friends running out of range of a giant screaming ‘Hagger’. You couldn’t even stop to question the giant and his eagerness. Time was of the essence. You watched them sprint towards the Whomping Willow and remembered the story Severus had told you about the time he’d caught Sirius Black.

He’d told you about how he’d found him in the Shrieking Shack by following Potter into a secret tunnel under the Whomping Willow. He’d never told you how he knew about the tunnel, but at the time, you hadn’t thought to question it, enticed by Severus’ bravery and ambition instead. Whatever the case may be, his story clearly had some truth to it and could help you find your own way to the Shrieking Shack after those kids who suddenly seemed to have disappeared.

No matter, you knew exactly where they were heading, and they couldn’t be too far ahead of you. Soon enough, you’d managed to make your way to the tree that had begun aggressively swinging its branches in every direction. You quickly found a nearby branch and made your way to the knot under its trunk, immobilizing it as soon as you hit it, just as Severus had described. Ducking into the opening under the tree, you found yourself completely in the dark with nothing but silence accompanying you. Taking out your wand, you cast lumos and began making your way down the seemingly endless tunnel.

Eventually, the end came near and you felt your heart pound aggressively against your chest, your adrenaline beginning to wear as the fear of what you might encounter on the other side of this trap door ensued. You’d come all this way, there was no going back now, no backing down. This is what you’d come for, what you’d left Severus for; the chance to help end this war.

You summoned up every last ounce of bravery you had to spare and pushed aside your doubt along with the trap door, climbing into the Shrieking Shack and immediately found yourself met with an agonizing scream coming from the room next door. You slowly edged your way to the exit, staying with your back pressed against the wall, wand at the ready and found Potter, Granger and Weasley all crouched down, listening in on whatever was happening in the next room. When the commotion settled and you heard he-who-must-not-be-named leave the room, you watched the trio walk in with a lack of defensive precaution.

To say you were baffled by their motions would be an understatement. Clearly there was still someone in there and to head in acting as if they’d been called for dinner without their wands at the ready was completely absurd. You quickly moved forward gripping your own wand tightly, ready for whatever it was you were about to walk into as you followed them into the unknown room. But no amount of precaution or training could have prepared you for the sight you saw as soon as you turned that corner.

“Severus,” you whispered in complete and utter shock. He was lying there with his throat cut out, his hands desperately grasping at Potter as the floor was painted red with his blood. You felt your heart collapse, your head spin in agony as you rushed forward, pushing past Granger and Weasley, throwing yourself on the ground beside Severus. You’d never felt so helpless, so useless before in your life. You wanted to help, you wanted to save him, but you didn’t know how.

A terrible rasping, gurgling noise suddenly issued from Severus’ throat and your attention was brought up to watch his eyes desperately begging Potter for something you could never begin to even imagine.

"Take...it...Take...it..."

Memories oozed out of his mouth, eyes and ears but you couldn’t be bothered to wonder what he was doing, you couldn’t accept this. He can’t die, he can’t. He hasn’t explained himself to you yet. He hasn’t told you how wrong everyone was to call him a Death Eater, how he truly was fighting for the light, how he was simply doing as he was told standing by the side of you-know-who as Dumbledore had asked. He hasn’t told you how much he loved you.

You looked down at your wand and blinked away your tears. This can’t be it, it simply can’t. This is not the end, it just can’t be. Hovering your wand over his neck, you began muttering every healing charm you could think of, holding on to the hope that one of them would work despite the fact that you knew deep down those marks on his neck indicated snake venom was running through his veins, poisoning him and ripping out any smidge of life he had left to give.

You didn’t stop, you couldn’t stop until you felt those familiar slim fingers graze your hand. Severus had motioned for you to halt your motions, but you couldn’t accept that, shaking your head as your eyes filled with tears, looking into his. His hand felt so weak, so cold, colder than usual and his face was so pale. He was dying and you couldn’t do anything but beg and plead for him to stay.

“Please… please don’t leave me,” you whispered, leaning as close to him as you could, placing your hand above him as you dropped your wand.

Severus kept his eyes glued to yours, a few more memories escaping his lips as he focused on your touch, the delicate features of your face, your hair. He’d missed you so much these last few months; they were torture without you and he knew he’d only made it as far as he did with this mission because you’d been by his side. Even when you’d left, it was the thought of seeing your face once this was all over that kept him going. How poetic must it be for your face to be the last he’d see now.

"Look...at....me..." he whispered, bringing your attention from the second flask Granger had used to capture the last set of memories he’d given up and back to him. Your eyes met one last time before that twinkle behind his black orbs vanished, his hand slipping between yours and thudded to the ground.

“No.” The word stumbled out of your mouth as you desperately went to reach for his hand, grasping it tightly with your own and bringing it up to your chest. Your swallowed screams came out as incoherent whines as you tried searching his eyes, finding nothing but emptiness. He was gone.

You’d barely had two seconds to process what just happened when suddenly, the voice of he-who-must-not-be-named echoed through your ears, filling your mind with vile thoughts of anger and fear atop the grief you’d felt for your lost love.

"You have fought," said the high, cold voice, "valiantly. Lord Voldemort knows how to value bravery."

You closed your eyes, somehow hoping that would shut him out, that it would shut out the world to leave you be or wake you from this hellish nightmare you were living. But you were given no such luck as he continued to speak, his voice resonating the agony and despair you felt.

"Yet you have sustained heavy losses. If you continue to resist me, you will all die, one by one. I do not wish this to happen. Every drop of magical blood spilled is a loss and a waste. Lord Voldemort is merciful. I command my forces to retreat immediately. You have one hour. Dispose of your dead with dignity. Treat your injured."

Dispose of your dead. He spoke as if the lives lost during this war were nothing more than trash to him and why would he care? He who never learned to love, never cared for someone as you had Severus. You couldn’t bear looking at his eyes anymore knowing they’d never look back at you. His hand lifeless in yours, never to hold you again. Placing two fingers over his eyelids, you closed them and placed his hand over his chest before reaching into his robes where you knew he stashed his wand to retrieve it.

"I speak now, Harry Potter, directly to you.” His voice still rang in your ears and you finally remembered you weren’t alone. There was still a battle to be won, a war to end, lives to save. “You have permitted your friends to die for you rather than face me yourself. I shall wait for one hour in the Forbidden Forest. If, at the end of that hour, you have not come to me, have not given yourself up, then battle recommences. This time, I shall enter the fray myself, Harry Potter, and I shall find you, and I shall punish every last man, woman, and child who has tried to conceal you from me. One hour."

"Don't listen to him," said Weasley.

"It'll be all right." Granger’s sudden wild tone threw you back and you felt yourself go stiff under all the stress and grief this war had brought. "Let's-- let's get back to the castle, if he's gone to the forest we'll need to think of a new plan--"

The trio all stood to make their way out, but you couldn’t move a muscle. Eyes closed, you hung your head and planted your palms on the ground. You had to wake up, this couldn’t be real. These last few months, they must have been a dream. You’d dreamt it all and you were back in bed with Severus in his chambers at Hogwarts sleeping next to him after making up. It was the only reasonable scenario because this simply can’t be real, it can’t.

“Professor.” But Granger’s voice had just proved you wrong. This was your reality and it was too much for you to withstand. You wanted to stay with Severus no matter what it may bring, yet you knew you couldn’t. You had to protect the children, the students and help the Order fight against that monster.

You took in a deep breath and shoved your grief into a cupboard in the depths of your mind, locking it shut before jumping to your feet, griping hold of your wand along with Severus’ and the flask of memories Granger had left for you. You followed Potter and his friends back through the tunnel from which you came, nothing but silence passed between the four of you as you tried to wrap your head around the events that just occurred.

You couldn’t think straight. It was all just too much. You wanted answers, you wanted to help and that was supposed to be the point in your trip to the Shrieking Shack but instead of having your questions answered, you’d been shown nothing but what you’d lost and could never regain.

The darkness accompanied you out of the tunnel as you exited out of the Whomping Willow and dragged yourself to the Great Hall, following the others. You felt unhinged, like this reality wasn’t your own and perhaps it wasn’t. It was the cruel reality of fate, rejected by those who’d stood over their love’s empty vessels.

You somehow felt yourself envious of those mourning the ones they lost in the Great Hall because at least they could mourn knowing they were loved, hugging those still present in the land of the living. Walking down the room, you gazed upon the students, Aurors and staff members lost in the war, the survivors huddled in groups where the house tables used to stand. Nothing more than hardship and devastation passed from one person to the next.

Fresh tears streamed down your face at the thought of Severus lying there alone in the shack where you’d left him. He should be here. You should both be huddled in the corner alongside the others thanking Merlin you’d survived this long instead of this loneliness you felt accompanying you as you found your way to the nearest wall, throwing your back up against it and sinking down to the ground.

You brought your knees up to your chest and wrapped your arms around them, instantly rocking back and forth in an attempt to comfort yourself. You’d never felt such a cascading rush of emotions before, thoughts of anger and resentment replaced by agony and remorse the second you saw Severus on the ground. In that moment, it didn’t matter to you what side he was on. He was your heart, your soul, your everything and he was gone.

You could never speak to him again, never see him or touch him. It wasn’t fair. You’d never gotten the closure you needed after you’d left and now you felt like you never would. You’d hoped the end of this war would give you the means to find the closure you needed, whether that be accepting Severus as the Death Eater he was or the brilliant and brave man you’d come to know him as. You’d never thought of the possibility you’d be faced with his death instead because he’d always seemed so invincible to you. He was an amazing Wizard with skills you were sure would have rivaled Dumbledore at his best. The possibility of his death seemed laughable back then. Even now as you sat there, playing back what you’d seen, what you’d heard, you weren’t sure what had happened, why he-who-must-not-be-named would kill him when he’d gained his favour last year, becoming his most trusted follower after killing Dumbledore.

Questions upon questions piled up in your mind and suddenly it became clear to you what you had to do next. The war no longer mattered to you, the battle felt like it had taken place eons ago. You needed answers and the flask Granger had handed you may very well be the only thing you had to provide you with what you needed most.

Quickly standing to your feet, you began making your way to the Headmaster’s office, your pace fastening the second that gargoyle came into your line of sight. You were about to mutter ‘Dumbledore’, hoping Severus hadn’t changed the password since you’d left when the gargoyle spun open with none other than Harry Potter stepping out of it. Your eyes met and you both froze in place, each one aware why the other was there. It was you who’d moved first, taking a step toward the open door before you heard him speak.

“I’m sorry,” he said, voice small and shriveled. “I didn’t know.”

You looked back at him and watched as he handed you his flask, unsure of what he meant. You took it regardless and gave him one last look before making your way into the office. You’d spent many nights here, speaking with Severus, watching him take orders from Dumbledore’s portrait. You’d resented the place honestly, feeling it too crowded, too grand. You much preferred his old office next to the potions classroom, but with the way he looked when he first entered the room, clearly ecstatic about it all had you keeping your opinion to yourself, letting him enjoy the bit of luxury he’d been given.

Your eyes finally met with the pensieve, unsurprisingly pulled out of its place. Slowly, you made your way towards it and looked down at the two flasks in your hand. Without a second thought, you put away the one Harry had given you, opening the second one and poured its contents into the pensieve. The blue and silver looked beautiful swirling around in the water and you only hoped the memories you’d see as you dunked your head in would be just as alluring a sight.

The room spun and you felt yourself falling into darkness until a clear image of Diagon Alley rolled into view. You looked around and noticed the lack of people roaming the streets. It didn’t take long for you to spot Severus in his oversized robes, making headway towards Flourish and Blotts. I remember this night, you thought, smiling to yourself as you quickly followed him into the shop.

Severus made his way straight for the academic section of the shop knowing exactly where to look as you let your eyes roam around the store searching for…

“Hello.” Ah, there you were. “Do you need any help?” Your cheeks burned red, feeling awkward at how innocently young you looked back then. You were so clueless back then and it almost hurt to watch you interact with Severus. Though despite the clear lack of love between you both, at least your past self had the pleasure of speaking to him at all. It was more than you could ever hope to do now.

“You’re new, aren’t you?” Severus looked you up and down, seemingly unimpressed with you but looking at him now, you realized he’d hidden a small smirk behind his ‘better than life’ attitude.

“That obvious?” You’d cracked a smile at him, shifting your weight from one foot to the other. Yes, you could remember this day very clearly now; he was the first customer to have actually struck up a conversation with you while working here and it made you nervous.

“No,” he replied, looking down at the book he had in his hands. Leaning in closer, you realized he’d done that thing he always did when he was nervous and let his hair fall in his face to hide his growing smirk before composing himself and looking back at you. “I shop here every few months and this is the first I’m seeing you.”

“Ah, a regular. Perhaps I should get to know your name then,” you said, pushing yourself to do as you’d been told and show the customers nothing but a willingness to help as you offered him your hand. Severus looked down at your open palm, hesitating before firmly grasping it.

“Severus Snape,” he said, looking into your eyes and shaking your hand. You could almost feel his slim, dry fingers grazing the inside of your palm just looking at the figures you knew were just memories. But you couldn’t help the tears that gathered in your eyes, it was so good to see him so full of life again.

“Well, Severus Snape, do you always shop in the boring section or do you ever explore the rest of the store?”

You chuckled at your own joke, whipping away your tears and immediately looked at Severus, watching him scuff in response before the memory washed away, snatched from you just when you felt yourself reconnecting to him.

“No!” You shouted into the nothingness surrounding you, turning in your place as colour began to settle into place revealing the empty streets of Hogsmeade with Severus standing in the middle of the road, looking as though he was contemplating doing something regrettable.

You ran up to him, standing before him and examined the look on his face. All you wanted to do was cup his cheeks, wait until his eyes met yours and ask him what was wrong, but it was just a memory. You knew if you reached out, you wouldn’t feel a thing. He’d pass right through you and you just couldn’t handle that disappointment. So you held back, waiting for him to make a move instead.

After taking a few more moments, he finally began to walk down the street, stopping right in front of The Three Broomsticks as if he was afraid he’d run into someone undesirable the second he walked in. He paused once more as soon as he’d stepped inside, looking around before making his way to the bar. You followed his lead and walked with him as you searched the practically empty pub; the few people who were present all seemed to be minding their own business, nothing out of the ordinary really.

You watched him slump into a seat, clearly nervous about being here for reasons you didn’t understand. You’d come to this pub with him multiple times and he’d never acted this way. Unless, perhaps, this was the first time he’d stepped foot in Hogsmeade since the night he was thrown out The Hogshead, that would definitely explain his nerves.

Severus suddenly went completely stiff and as you followed his line of sight, you realized why.

“What can I get you Severus.” Your younger self had immersed once again, this time as a bartender. The shocked look on Severus’ face amused you. He’d never looked so confundled before he’d met you for the second time.

“Are you following me?” He shamelessly let out.

“Me?! I’d do nothing of the sort,” You placed a hand on your chest adding a bit of sarcasm to your tone, acting as though he’d offended you to the highest degree while offering him a small smile. Severus eyed you a moment and you laughed at the interaction, realizing now how silly it looked from an outsider's perspective.

“Firewhiskey,” he finally said, adjusting himself in his seat to get comfortable. “Double.”

You looked over to the bar and watched as you reached for a clean glass and a bottle of Firewhiskey. “So, what brings you to Hogsmeade?”

This was the second time fate had brought you together and you remembered thinking it had to be some sort of sign, that coincidence couldn’t possibly explain this encounter when you’d done nothing but think about finding him again after you left your old job. You were nervous that night when you saw him again, wondering if you should go as far as to get to know him a little.

“I work at Hogwarts,” he said, watching you pour his drink before pulling out a second glass and doing the same for yourself. “What are you doing in Hogsmeade?”

You tore your eyes away from the drinks your past self was pouring and looked at Severus to find an oddly curious look on his face. He seemed intrigued rather than skeptical as the tone in his voice perceived.

“Fate,” you said, smiling to yourself, keeping your gaze on the bottle you had in your hand as you sealed it and went to put it back on the shelf behind you. “I got let go at Flourish and Blotts. Said they didn’t need me after the school rush anymore, so here I am.”

You picked up both glasses and offered him one. Watching the interaction had you suddenly feeling the aftertaste of the Firewhiskey on your tongue as your own image take a sip. At this point, you remembered wanting to know more about Severus. He was intriguing to you, different than those you’d met in England thus far. He seemed to have lived a long life despite looking to be in his late twenties. Looking back at Severus, you began to wonder what he thought of you the first time you’d met.

“So, what do you do at that mysterious school?”

“I’m the school’s Potion’s Master,” he replied before taking a large sip of his own. “Have you never been to Hogwarts?”

He rose a brow at you and you could see his curiosity peek. You’d never noticed it before, but knowing Severus now, he must have thought of you as something special if he’d shown you any sort of interest.

“Nope,” you replied with a little too much enthusiasm. “I was sent to Beauxbatons because my parents thought it was more conservative.”

You shook your head, blushing at the sight of yourself speaking of your upbringing. Keeping your eyes on Severus instead, you began examining his expression, trying to memorize every detail of his face. But once again, the image before you began to vanish, and you found yourself in the darkness once again. It seemed as though fate also had a cruel sense of humour, taking away the thing you love just when you felt yourself ready to grab hold of it again.

Spinning around, you tried searching for the new image that should have formed around you by now, but you could only make out a few lights to your left and you’d begun to think something had gone wrong until you realized you were in the dungeons of Hogwarts. You were standing in Severus’ old chambers, before he’d become Headmaster. All you could make out was the pale tone of his face reflecting the yellow candlelight and his hands which were held up close to his neck.

Walking closer to him, you realized he was standing in front of his mirror, tying his ascot, looking nervous once again. You smiled and simply admired him as he looked his reflection up and down, obviously unhappy with what he saw, but you couldn’t say you felt the same. He looked perfect to you, even his hair which he couldn’t seem to stop fiddling with.

You’d never seen him like this before, so worried about his appearance, unable to stand in place. Finally, he walked away from the mirror, whisking away into the sitting room where he began pacing, debating something you could see he was on edge about. You bit your tongue, wanting to ask what was wrong until you realized how stupid that was. He wasn’t really here, this wasn’t really him and you’d clearly been shifting through these memories long enough to forget that.

You frowned, just standing there waiting in anticipation for him to make his next move. Eventually, he composed himself enough to open the door to his chambers and make his way out towards the Entrance Hall where you finally remembered what night this was; your first date.

This was the first time you’d seen him out of his teaching robes, all dressed up in his navy-blue formal attire. You’d been waiting on the other side of the doors he’d opened, probably more nervous than him. He’d visited you many times at the Three Broomsticks after your first encounter there, finally offering you a tour of Hogwarts months later when the students had all left for the holidays.

You watched yourself step inside from the cold, shivering with your arms wrapped around yourself. You let out a giggle as you realized how nervous his first date with you had made him. It was adorable, though you knew what Severus would say if he’d caught you using that word to describe him. ‘Kittens are adorable (Y/N), I am not.’ Though you would respectfully disagree of course.

“I trust you weren’t waiting too long?” He said as he closed the doors. Your younger self was busy brushing snow off your jacket, but you could see the concern in his eyes. You knew that look and it saddened you to see him wear it so early in your relationship. How had you not noticed before his worry over disappointing you had started before you’d even officially began to date?

“Not at all. You’re just on time,” you replied, meeting his gaze with a warm smile. “This school is huge! Will we have time to see it all today?”

“No, but I thought I’d show you the more grand parts of the castle before dinner,” he said, accompanying you down the hall.

“So, does that include your classroom?”

You followed the figures, watching Severus closely, his eyes beginning to soft as he grew comfortable with you. It was an amazing first date and you were happy to relive it.

“If you wish.”

The figures suddenly disappeared as they walked down the hall and you found yourself standing in the dungeons again, this time outside of the Potions classroom where Severus was hesitantly leading you. You remembered this part of the tour; the best part of the castle, unable to help yourself from imagining him teaching a classroom full of students, but it was clear Severus didn’t feel the same way. His nerves were back and he looked unsettled as he opened the door to let you into the room.

“Wow,” your younger self said under your breath and you just couldn’t help but roll your eyes. You were exaggerating your interest and it made you wish the next memory would appear already to relieve you of this embarrassment. But you held out and kept watching if only to remember the lust you knew would blossom between the two figures in the memory.

Ignoring your weak attempt at flirting, you instead resumed your admiration for Severus, trying to read his thoughts through his expression, but all you could see was the unsettlement he’d shown back in his chambers when he was preparing for your date. His eyes darted back and forth from one table to the next, analyzing it as if he was searching for a reason to punish some non-existent students. Was he nervous about the state of the room? Is that why he’d hesitated when you begged to see his classroom earlier that evening?

“So, is this where you work? This is your desk?” You spun around at the sound of your own voice, following Severus’ line of sight to watch you run your fingers over his desk at the head of the class.

“Indeed, it is,” he said cautiously walking up to you. You followed along and watched him approach you as you leaned on the edge of the desk, smiling as if you were about to do something devious. A moment of silence passed, both figures exchanging looks before you spoke again.

“Thank you for today Severus. I enjoyed the tour,” you bit your bottom lip and pushed yourself up so you were standing but a small grasp away from him. There it is.

You sighed out of sheer joy when you saw Severus’ breath hitch as your figure leaned in, placing both hands on his shoulder and pressed your lips to his. He went stiff and you could feel his lips press against yours as you watched, your fingers instinctively hovering over your mouth at the loss of contact you felt.

Your smile grew and tears formed under your eyes when he began kissing back, wrapping his own arms around you, pulling you in tightly before your image quickly pulled them both back a step, enough so that you could jump onto the desk without ever parting from him. The kiss quickly became heated as you wrapped your legs around him, his hands slowly making their way up the desk as he leaned forward, your back pressing against the wood of the desk. Your first kiss looked so normal from here, but at the time, you felt it to be the most magical moment you’d ever experienced. He was amazing the first few months you’d spent together, you could relive every second of it and you only wished you could. It was nice to see this moment again, but you wanted more. You wanted to feel him, to feel the emotions you felt when you were with him back then, not just observe the faint memories of you both falling in love with one another.

“No,” you whispered as the classroom behind the two on the desk began to fade. “Not again, please!”

You begged the nothingness that gobbled up one of your happiest memories, but it was too late. They were gone and you found yourself in yet another memory, a more recent one by the looks of it. You were in your shared chamber; the Headmaster’s chambers. You heard the door slam shut and began looking around, trying to find your figure along with Severus.

“No,” you said when you spotted him, realizing what memory this was. “No, Severus please. Why would you show me this night?”

You spoke to the figure as if he could hear you but of course, he ignored you and slumped into his armchair, the light from the dying fireplace illuminating his outline enough for you to kneel right before him, looking desperately into his heavy eyes, tears forming, threatening to fall down your cheeks as they did his. This was the night you’d left, the night you regretted full heartedly and it hurt to see the aftermath of your fight; the broken man that sat before you.

“I’m sorry Sev, please, I shouldn’t have left, I’m sorry,” you said desperately before giving into the one urge you’d been fighting during this trip down memory lane and tried to place your hand over his only to have it pass right through. You couldn’t bear the pain anymore and felt yourself break down as the memory kept playing. You placed your face in your hands and let your heartbreak escape through the tears you shed.

You’d do anything to take it all back if you were given the chance. If you had a time turner to spare, you’d sit there spinning it until you went back to the right moment to fix things, no matter how long it took. If you’d stayed with him, you could have helped save him, you should have stayed to convince him to fight for the Order. It wasn’t supposed to end this way. This wasn’t supposed to happen. You never should have left!

Was this your punishment? To be reminded of what you could have had with him? What you’d lost after making the biggest mistake of your life? You kept your head in your hands until you heard Severus shifting in his spot and you opened your eyes just in time to watch him pull out a box from his robes. You looked down at it, focusing your vision to watch him fiddle with the box, the same nervous and disappointed look you saw from your first date, the first time you met now scribbled all over his face once again.

“Oh Sev,” you whispered as you peered inside the box he was slowly opening, revealing a small, but elegant engagement ring. Your vision blurred again as fresh tears formed at the realization of what you’d done. You wanted to scream, to cry until time reversed itself and gave you the chance to rewrite history. He loved you. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with you and you’d slammed the door in his face, rejecting him before he could even ask, all because you let this battle, this damn war cloud your judgment of him.

Severus suddenly stood and you instantly rose, staying as close to him as you could while he walked over to the fireplace, picking up the clock you’d given him for Christmas the same year you’d begun dating and popping out its bottom. He slid the ring inside the clock and reassembled it.

“Oh Sev, I wish you’d asked,” you said through tears despite the fact that you likely wouldn’t have given the same answer back then as you would now. It was true what they said; you really didn’t know what you had until you lost it, and it took losing Severus to know that what you had with him was real and true. It took losing him, knowing you could never speak again to realize how much he meant to you, no matter which side of the war he stood.

Looking back at the clock, you watched it disappear along with the fireplace.

“No, no not another one, please I can’t take anymore,” you pleaded, but it was no use, Severus was gone and once again the scene around you changed and you were back in the Headmaster’s office. For a second, you thought it to be over, that you’d been freedom from your ward, but when you looked to the side of the room, you saw the pensieve was put away and all the figures in the portrait present, which meant this was yet another memory. You let out a defeated sigh, feeling as though this truly was a punishment you weren’t sure you could bear any longer.

“Severus, you made a promise.” You spun around when you heard Dumbledore’s voice, trying to search for his figure, but it was Severus you’d found instead, standing in front of a portrait, looking as broken as he did in the last memory. “You must stay by Lord Voldemort’s side until the time is right. You’re the only one that can do it.”

“You should have picked someone else,” he said looking as miserable as ever. You’d in fact never seen him like this in all the years you’d known him; broken, hollow, left with no ambition, nothing left to live for. “(Y/N) left yesterday. I’ve lost everything to this war.”

You walked closer to him, realizing what he was saying, what he was asking to do. He wanted to come after you, to abandon his post, the position he’d worked too hard to gain, killing Dumbledore, betraying everyone he cared for, all to become he-who-must-not-be-named most trusted follower. He was ready to throw it all away for you.

“You said-”

“I know what I said! I was wrong!” He spat at the portrait. You took another step towards him, ready to make the same mistake you’d made earlier and attempt to hug the memory only for it all to disappear before you. This time, instead of a new memory replacing the darkness, you felt yourself being grasped and pulled out into the real world.

You feel back onto the floor, losing your balance when you came out of the pensieve. All those memories, everything you’d just learned was all too much. Severus hadn’t betrayed you after all, he wasn’t a Death Eater, he was a hero and he’d died just that. You should have gotten up, returned to the battle that was sure to resume any moment now, but you couldn’t. Your body couldn’t handle any more. You couldn’t do anything but lay there on the floor, crying until you had no tears left to shed.

It all felt so meaningless now; winning the war, defending the school. What was the point when you felt like you’d already lost? The hour was up but the chaos had yet to resume. You barely had the energy to drag yourself up and recollect all of Severus’ memories let alone join the others and see what would become of Hogwarts.

Closing your eyes, you took in a trembling breath, trying not to think about the breakdown you felt was on the verge of exploding out of you and gathered yourself enough to leave the office. Standing there as the gargoyle closed, you looked down the hall that led to his chambers. You weren’t ready to revisit the place where it all fell apart yet that’s where your feet were taking you.

Everything was right where you’d remembered it, nothing had changed, not even the picture you'd taken together at the Yule Ball, still propped up on the coffee table beside the armchair. It still smelled just like him, the closet in the bedroom still full of clothes; yours on the left, his on the right. He hadn’t bothered to throw a single thing away, your comb, your toothbrush, your journal still sitting exactly where you left them, nothing had changed.

Waking over to the bed, you picked up his pillow and pressed it to your nose as you closed your eyes and slumped down onto the mattress. Hugging his pillow with the upper half of your body pressed against the black silk covering the bed was the closest thing you felt you’d ever get to feeling his touch, smelling his hair or finding comfort in his arms. Still it wasn’t enough, it would never be enough.

You missed him so much, more so now than you had the last few months you’d been apart. Your body shock but you had no more tears left to shed. Your mind searched for memories of Severus, but you couldn’t find any more left to mourn over except the last moments you had with him. His eyes slowly glazing over with darkness as his soul escaped your world, leaving you behind.

He’d spent his last breath sharing all of himself with you and you had to honour that. He died so that the Wizarding World may prevail, and you couldn’t let that go in vain. You composed yourself the best you could, thinking of the victory you had to win for him and dragged yourself back to the sitting room.

You looked over the bleak outlines of the furniture you’d spent hours sitting in with Severus before making your way to the fireplace. Picking up the clock, remembering that Christmas morning you shared together, you turned it over, popping out the bottom to find the ring he’d hidden still sitting there, waiting to be worn. You removed it and placed the clock back in its place, shifting the ring around between your fingers to reveal text engraved on the inside of the band: ‘Always and forever yours’.

It was a beautiful ring, small, but you were never one for theatrics and he knew that. The diamond in the middle was crystal clear, pure as he’d once described you to be. Beside it, two small emerald stones were placed on either side, signifying his promise to you; that he will always be with you no matter what the future held. Looking at it now, the memory of him holding it in this exact spot where you stood, you could almost feel his presence around you, as if he’d just proposed and you’d abruptly accepted like you so desperately wanted.

You quickly whipped away the single tear running down your cheek and slowly slid the ring on the ring finger of your right hand, symbolizing what should have been but never was. He was gone yes but his legacy would live on, you would make sure of that.

Before heading out, you searched your pockets and removed the flasks carrying the last memories of your lost love and placed it next to the clock on the fireplace, removing his wand from your person as well, carefully laying it before the clock.

“You can rest now Severus,” you whispered, hoping that by some miracle, he’d hear you from the afterlife. “I love you so much, I hope you knew that.”

And with that, you slowly backed away from the fireplace and withdrew your wand, ready to fight for the good of the Wizarding World, for Hogwarts, for love, for Severus Snape and everything he stood for.

A/N: Ok, I'm sorry 😭😭😭😭

Scenes taken (and edited) from the books: Harry looking into Voldemort’s find to find his location and the heartbreaking shrieking shack scene.

@marvelschriss @bush-viper-cutie @moonie-writes

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drarryangels · 4 years

Text

Sectumsempra Again

“No!” Harry screamed, but he already knew it was too late.

He ran towards Draco, pushing people out of the way, and shouting like the world’s fate depended on it. His did. Harry’s world depended on it.

Not yet, not yet, he thought. He and Draco had just become friends. He wasn’t ready now. Not yet.

The battle raged all around him, and even though he was the Chosen One, even though he should have been stopping to save lives and defend people from curses. Even though his responsibilities were greater than taking care of one person, he ran.

Harry skidded to a halt and threw a curse at the Death Eater whose spell had hit Draco square in the chest.

All it took was for Harry to look down to recognize what the curse was.

“Not again,” Harry muttered to himself, shaking hair out of his eyes. “No, no, no.”

Draco’s clear grey eyes stared up at him glassily, blinking slowly. Harry’s hands cupped around his face and pressed into his cheeks roughly.

“Harry,” Draco choked out. He reached up towards Harry with trembling hands. Harry pushed his hands under Draco’s shoulders and pulled him up into his lap. “There’s a counter curse, isn’t there?”

“I don’t know it,” Harry said desperately, staring down at the gashes bleeding out across Draco’s chest.

Last time this had happened, Draco had been wearing white. Harry had been able to see every mark he’d made on Draco’s body. He’d known how badly things had gone when he saw the blood seeping through the wet thin white fabric of Draco’s shirt. At the time, it had been Malfoy.

“There’s a-a- counter curse?” Draco asked. Harry shook his head in response and a tear slipped down his cheek.

This time, Draco was wearing black robes. Harry couldn’t see what had been done, or what kind of damage had been reaped. All he knew was that Draco’s robes hadn’t been wet before, and now they were. And darker too, his robes were inking slowly darker and darker.

“Am I going to die?” Draco whispered, staring up at Harry with huge eyes. Harry shoved his face into the crook of Draco’s neck and held him tight.

“I’m sorry,” Harry said into the skin under Draco’s ear. “I’m sorry for all of this. I’m sorry for dragging you into the Order. I’m sorry for cursing you like this.”

“Am I going to die?” Draco repeated quieter. Harry couldn’t respond, only hold onto Draco’s shaking body tighter than he thought was possible.

Harry could feel Draco shaking his head, and weak hands trying to push Harry up. Harry leaned back and stared into Draco’s face. He was pale and thin from being held in Malfoy Manor for so long as a spy. His hair held greasily in streaks covering his face, and dirt smudged his features into something just barely unrecognizable.

“I forgave y-you a long time ago,” Draco coughed out.

“Shh,” Harry held his finger to Draco’s lips. Blood spilled out from Draco’s mouth under Harry’s finger, and Harry held Draco even tighter.

“You have to... win... You have to win,” Draco’s voice gave out and his body racketed violently against Harry’s with coughs and spasms. Harry looked away, tears striping down his face.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Harry sobbed, holding Draco even closer. Harry could already feel the tips of Draco’s fingers going cold and fumbling with the lack of blood and circulation.

Draco’s fingers dabbled across the wet robes and slashes striked across his chest. He looked up at Harry and laughed a little.

“Why didn’t you tell me how bad it was?” Draco giggled again, and then coughed again.

Harry couldn’t blink, he couldn’t swallow down the tears. He knew there was nothing he could do. No matter how much Hermione had nagged him, Harry had never learned the counter curse to Sectumsempra. He had never found the need. He’d thought he was the only one who knew about it, and he was never going to use it again after what happened in the bathroom in sixth year. Hermione was right, as she always was. He should’ve just learned it.

“No,” Harry said quietly, more to himself than Draco now. He already knew it was too late. “Not yet. We just started getting along.”

The injustice of it all was crippling.

“I hope you...” Draco heaved a breath and more blood bubbled out between his lips. “I h-hope you know...”

I hope you know what?

I hope you know... I loved you? I wished you were dead? You were my best friend? I should never have made you join the Order? There was so many things Harry wished Draco knew.

But it was too late.

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cxrruptor · 3 years

Text

let you down / let you go ; viv & caius

There was no one left to turn to.

With Draco against her, there was no one left for her to turn to now. He has resorted to ignoring her existence, just a passing face in the halls. At meal times, she is back to sitting at the Gryffindor table again, though this time alone. Vivienne swears she can feel Slytherin eyes on her, them whispering or giggling as they glance her way. And Draco--he just looks defeated.

In her house, she notices the way Ginny Weasley and Neville Longbottom creep about the castle. The whispers, the secret plans. Vivienne had a feeling of what they were planning even before she saw the vandalism around the castle.

( DUMBLEDORE’S ARMY: STILL RECRUITING. )

She isn’t exactly welcome to join either side anymore. The Slytherins and Death Eaters see her as nothing more than Draco’s former conquest, thrown away to be moved onto the next. They don’t dare to touch her though, at least not yet, which gives Vivienne the indication that Draco has kept her true blood status a secret. Though, she isn’t welcome among the Gryffindors either, Merlin forbid she’s a spy and will run along to tell Draco everything. She isn’t wanted in Dumbledore’s Army. She isn’t wanted among her friends.

These walls are awfully lonely.

Vivienne becomes a master in the art of listening. Eavesdropping on conversations has always come naturally to her, but now she was using it to her advantage. The conversation she had overheard outside Adrian’s makeshift office had set a new fire inside her, one that was desperate to make things right--she had chosen the wrong side and now that her friends were in danger ( and the threat of her very life hangs over her head ), Vivienne had to make her move.

Could she trust Caius? There was no way of knowing, Vivienne putting her faith into a paranoid Death Eater. Adrian had been insistent, and Zacharias Smith hadn’t shown his face in weeks. There had to be some truth in that, in that Zach was no longer a Death Eater in their ranks, that he’s gone rogue.

Caius Decker is hard to spot. He doesn’t show himself much in public. He’s barely in the Great Hall at meal times. Vivienne only spots him during classes, keeping his head down, doing what he can to get by.

She understands completely.

Ancient Runes ends, students filing out the door, Caius quick in his steps. Vivienne hurries to catch up with him, managing to pull him by the back of his sweater.

He immediately turns, eyes wide and guarded, a hand coming down to grab his wand.

Vivienne nearly crashes into him, her hands flying above her head, “Woah, sorry!”

Caius pauses, his brow furrowed, arm gripping his notebooks close to his chest. “Vivienne?”

She blushes, Vivienne only known as Draco Malfoy’s ex girlfriend. She was surprised he knew her name. “Hi,” she breathes, pressing her lips together, suddenly at a loss for words. Heart pounding in her chest, she licks her lips and glances around them before asking, “Can we talk in private?”

Caius narrows his eyes, aware of their surroundings. The castle certainly did talk—there were ears and eyes everywhere. He grabs her hand then, turning a corner and leading her down a set of stairs, leaving the crowds of students. The shuffle through a dark hallway before Caius opens a door on their left. The last thing Vivienne expects the room to be is a broom closet. Caius mutters Lumos, the tip of his wand lighting up their faces.

“What the hell?” Vivienne mumbles.

“It’s dangerous to be seen with me,” Caius shushes her, heart pounding. She can see the wild look of panic in his eyes, the dim lighting illuminating the beats of sweat on his hairline.

“You look like hell,” She mutters, but she supposes that the stress of being watched and accused as a traitor could do that. Vivienne collects herself with a breath, reminding herself why she was here, why she needed to talk to Caius. “I need to know if I can trust you.”

Caius doesn’t respond, looks at her with furrowed brows, a curious expression befalling his features.

“I need to get to the camp,” Her voice drops to a whisper, throat tight as the secret leaves her lips. “I--I made a mistake. I don’t belong here. I need to find my friends. I think Vannah is in danger.”

His expression softens, the furrow of his brow smoothing out. There’s something that shines behind his eyes that looks like guilt. Vivienne shudders underneath his gaze. Maybe he did want out.

“Do you know Cassandra Greene?”

Vivienne scoffs. How could she not? They ran into each other when they came back to the castle for Michael Settler. Cassie had been very clear Vivienne needed to mind her business. “Yeah?”

“She got left behind while recusing Settler. I--I swore I would come back for her. I was the only person that could come back without causing suspicion.” Vivienne raises her brows at him and Caius shrugs, “For the most part.” He pauses, presses his lips together. “We have to be careful when we’re around each other. Soon enough, Adrian will put two and two together and then we’re both dead.”

Vivienne shivers, but nods. “What do I need to do?”

“We have to send a message to the camp that it’s been compromised and that the Death Eaters plan to attack. You get the message out and I will talk to Cassie. We’ll meet up and get the hell out of this place.”

“You’re really going to leave?”

There’s a pause, something dark coming over him. “There’s nothing left here for me now.”

As they stand there in the dark, nothing but wand light between them, she understands.

#;; closed #closed: let you down let you go

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fernsandsunflowers · 4 years

Note

Your knowledge of Harry Potter is like a rotten apple with worms in it!

Expressive! thanks for voicing your opinion.

I really hope this is in regard to the Snape post (x) I made years and years ago and has resurfaced recently and not JKR is a terf and can fuck off this planet please and thank you posts I’ve reblogged.

If it’s about Snape, I’ve seen most of the comments, I haven’t taken the time to read it all but general opinion seems to be two-sided there are those who agree whole-heartedly with my post, and those who do not. Most in the do not agree category has pointed out that heroism is not a competition. This is absolutely right, the story itself should have taught me that long ago, like when little Neville stood up to the trio in book 1. I apologize, sincerely, for comparing their acts of bravery. They both did amazing things and I hope, if it ever comes down to it, god forbid, I find in myself the same strength and bravery. The post itself was poorly worded. My goal was to ask that we show the same love and respect to Lupin as we do for Snape. That clearly didn’t come across, instead I got carried away and had written a post that ended up elevating Lupin’s acts of bravery while putting down Snape’s. Regardless of their background they both did heroic things and in the end gave their lives to save others. These acts of bravery deserve to be honoured and respected.

However, I stand by my statement that Lupin is the better man. I have seen a lot of comments that admit to Snape’s wrongs but use the excuse of unprocessed childhood trauma and mental illness. I will not accept this ‘white man’ excuse. I will admit, again, here that Sirius, James and Remus were wrong to have bullied Snape. Sirius, in fact, was still a bit of a dick after he returned from Azkaban. But why can we excuse Snape’s faults as the product of childhood and later life trauma but not Sirius’? Why do you continue to condemn Sirius for his bullying while at Hogwarts but make up excuses for Snape’s reprehensible behaviour towards his students?

Yes there were no systems in place for Snape to process his trauma (he did have one positive influence, Lily, but this was clearly not enough), that is a grievous institutional error. This exists in our world and is something that needs to be rectified immediately, in every country. There were no systems in place for Harry, Neville, Remus, Sirius and Regulus to process theirs either. In Regulus’ case he didn’t have the benefit of a positive environment too. But your argument is that everyone processes differently. My argument is that, Snape’s trauma doesn’t negate his negative actions in the same way that Voldemort’s trauma doesn’t negate his. If you are excusing Snape for being complicit in the murder of so many muggles and muggleborns because he was abused as a child and grew up in poverty, then you must also excuse Voldemort for murdering people based on his trauma from growing up in a shit-hole orphanage, in poverty and being hated and rejected by his father. I genuinely don’t know if Snape has killed anyone before Dumbledore, I vaguely remember a scene in the Prince’s Tale chapter where Dumbledore says something along the lines, you must have done it before? and Snape implying that he has not. I don’t have my book with me or I would check. It does not matter, aiding and abetting is still a crime. Why do we say ACAB? Complicit is still guilty.

I have no patience or place in my heart for anyone that chooses to join the side of racists and fascists, knowing full well what it meant. That’s what he did. You cannot deny that Snape was extremely capable of critical thought and was intelligent enough to see plainly what Voldemort rising to power meant to his supposed love. Or to thousands of innocent people. But he joined anyway, for power. Do you think I will be forgiven by my friends, or even you all, if I actively supported Trump, or ISIS, or an example from my own country (Sri Lanka), the extremist ‘Buddhist’ organisation called BBS that stands against Tamil and Muslim people (I put Buddhist in quotation marks as people who believe these ideologies are no longer Buddhist), or even my own father in his anti-muslim stance? He had Lily, who he loved, yet still joined an organisation that was murdering her people and posed a fatal threat to her as well. I do not have patience for that and I will not be shamed for it. If you’ve chosen to forgive Snape for willingly joining the wizard equivalent of Nazi’s and Neo-Nazi’s then fine, that’s your prerogative. I have chosen to forgive James, Sirius and Remus for bullying Snape when they were kids. That’s my prerogative. If you’ve chosen to forgive Snape for bullying children under his care to the point of terror and psychological trauma, because he himself had experienced trauma, I guess that’s your right as well (though I admit it infuriates me).

Also because I’m on a roll now, I will not stand to be asked to care about and include Peter Pettigrew in anything related to the Marauders. I understand that he was a part of the Marauders and I understand he was afraid for his life. Amongst the countless things I don’t have patience for, is disloyalty. The fidelius charm cannot be forced out of you, or bewitched, or tortured out. It must be shared willingly. Peter was already working for Voldemort since before he was made secret keeper. The Order knew there was a spy in their midst. Systematic racism within the wizarding world led them to believe that Remus was the Spy. Sirius was probably the first to believe it. Peter obviously felt some regret over it, but eventually divulged the information to Voldemort the first chance he got. I cannot and will not forgive that. If Peter was really a good person and was afraid for his life or for the life of his parents, or whatever, he would not have run back and actively looked for and revived Voldemort after he was ousted. He could have just left the country and hidden somewhere else where he would probably not have been recognised. He had an ounce of regret over James’ death that led to his own death, but in the theme of this post, it doesn’t negate his crimes.

To better help you understand why I am against Snape but support several others who have done wrong in their lives here’s an example. Someone who joined the Death Eaters willingly that I do forgive is Regulus Black. I believe he didn’t know any better, he grew up in a household where the only voices and opinions he heard was that of his racist af parents who applauded Voldemort. The impact of this influence is reflected in the way that Kreacher responds to muggleborns and their allies. This is an intelligent species to whom blood status of wizards should not matter. In the same way that countries colonized by Europeans that should not have anything against black communities are racist towards them. Because all they’ve heard about Black People comes from our colonizers - also, the power of representation comes up here, after gaining independence, the racist concepts that European colonization left against ourselves, other poc’s and black people were reaffirmed by the negative stereotypes presented in white media, which unfortunately is broadcast worldwide. But that’s a whole other can of worms. Kreacher is later taught, and experiences differently. He begins to show respect to Hermione and fights against Voldemort - the man his masters supported so thoroughly. I forgive Kreacher too for the part he played in Sirius’ death, here is someone who’s trauma and upbringing really does excuse their actions. He comes to understand that he made a mistake, learns and changes. Regulus wanted to make his parents proud, they supported Voldemort. Sirius, I don’t believe, helped Regulus understand any differently and rebuffed and berated him for parroting their parents views (this is never the right thing to do), thereby pushing him away.

We of course also know that Regulus had a kind and understanding nature, this shows in the way he treated Kreacher. He joined the Death Eaters when he left Hogwarts thinking he was doing the right thing. And immediately realised his parents had been wrong to support Voldemort, he tried to leave and couldn’t. In the end he actively tried to bring down Voldemort and his movement. As soon as he gained some substantial information on Voldemort he acted, giving his life to do so. Snape remained with the Death Eaters even as they killed countless muggles and muggleborns. He reported to Voldemort the prophecy he heard - if Regulus had been in Snape’s place here what do you think he would have done? reported to Voldemort? No, he would have kept it to himself, or taken the opportunity even to tell Dumbledore he would like to join their side. Snape, on the other hand, would have seen to it that Voldemort succeeded in ending this threat if it weren’t for one thing: Lily. This is NOT a redeeming quality.

Do you understand what it is I’m trying to explain? I’m not as eloquent as most of you here, so I’m sorry if I’m botching this up. Snape’s childhood should not have stopped him from seeing what Voldemort was doing. It should have been enough that he had Lily, a ‘mudblood’, to show him that Voldemort targeting muggleborn’s and muggles was wrong. Regulus had no one he loved who was a muggleborn. Neither did Kreacher. Sirius didn’t either but learned before he met Lily or any muggleborns that Voldemort’s and his parents views were wrong. So did so many others. Shit, even a lot of you must have been taught racism and unlearned it later when you were exposed to the truth. I know I had to as a child. Harry Potter played a key role in my own unlearning. Snape, knowing all this, joined Voldemort. That is why I do not support or forgive him. He continued to stay in Voldemort’s employ, rising in rank to the point of being accepted into Voldemort’s inner circle and being granted the Dark Mark. May be he was uncomfortable, but this did not stop him from following orders and committing crimes against humanity. He only stopped when the one muggleborn he thought was actually OK was being hunted by Voldemort.

Some of you have said in the comments that Snape was working against Voldemort since before the prophecy and threat on Lily. Where do you get this idea? Please tell me I genuinely want to know how you know this. Because in the Half Blood Prince, Trelawney’s drunken rant let’s Harry know that it was Snape who had heard the prophecy and told Voldemort about it. When confronted, Dumbledore tells Harry,

‘Professor Snape made a terrible mistake, he was still in Lord Voldemort’s employ on the night he heard the first half of Professor Trelawney’s prophecy, naturally, he hastened to tell his master what he had heard for it concerned his master most deeply. But he did not know, he had no possibly way of knowing which boy Voldemort would hunt from then onward or that the parents he would destroy in his murderous quest were people that Professor Snape knew. That they were your mother and father.’

- HBP, Chapter 25: the Seer Overheard.

Harry goes on to laugh at this statement referring to Snape’s hate of his father. Dumbledore responds to this with,

‘you have no idea of the remorse Professor Snape felt when he realised how Lord Voldemort had interpreted the prophecy, Harry.

It’s pretty easy to read between the lines here. Snape only turned from Voldemort’s side when he realised that Voldemort had interpreted the prophecy to mean Lily and James’ son, meaning Voldemort now posed an undeniably direct threat to Lily herself. If I can go a little further here, I believe Dumbledore’s empathy towards Snape stems from the part he himself played in helping Grindelwald’s plans for world domination and his own attempts to reconcile with his guilt over the matter. For me, this choosing to turn only when Lily was threatened does not redeem him because he either did not understand or care for the damage he was inflicting to others. If he had not been in love with Lily, he would have just let it happen and continued supporting Voldemort, how is that right? ‘It is the thought that counts’, this thought doesn’t sit right with me.

He never tried to redeem himself for joining Voldemort, only the part he played in Lily’s death. In my eyes he acted out of guilt, he was sorry for Lily’s death but not for joining a side that murdered thousands of innocent lives. He later chastised anyone who used the word Mudblood in his (private) presence but I interpret this as a reaction to the word reminding him of his and Lily’s fallout. I don’t believe it had anything to do with him actually understanding the damage behind its use. In death, he may have felt he redeemed himself, and Harry apparently felt the same. Washing his hands of Lily’s blood may have been enough for him, Dumbledore, Harry and you but it is not for me. His actions in later life did not, in my opinion, redeem him from willingly joining Voldemort and bullying children.

I apologize for comparing Lupin’s and Snape’s acts of bravery that was unreasonable. Snape’s actions certainly led to the downfall of Voldemort he acted heroically, but for me, he did not redeem himself entirely. It’s as simple as that. I respect that some of you believe he did. That’s fine. But please don’t gloss over the fact that he did work for Voldemort of his own free will, any negative influence he had that led him to believe that muggles and muggleborns deserved to be killed, dominated and enslaved (which is what Voldemort stood for) should have been countered by knowing Lily.

I love the complex character that he is, but I do not agree with his actions in early life, or the motivation behind his actions in later life. And that’s allowed so please stop breathing down my neck.

If this was about JKR being a terf, then maybe this will help: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/trevor-support-center/a-guide-to-being-an-ally-to-transgender-and-nonbinary-youth/

Sorry this was meant to be short but I am physically incapable of keeping things short. This is also the last post I will ever make with regard to my feelings on Snape because well, I’ve been doing it for years and I don’t really care anymore. You do you.

#harry potter #hp #severus snape #anti snape #marauders #jily #anti snily #my post

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vsilas · 4 years

Text

Snape Appreciation Month Day 3: Voldemort chooses Neville AU

I’d like to think that in this version of events, the Potters lived, and Snape gave his loyalty to Dumbledore gratefully, because as far as he could tell, the Fidelius charm did save Lily. He still comes to teach at Hogwarts and Dumbledore prepares him for the moment the Dark Lord returns and the Boy-Who-Lived will need to be protected (Snape didn’t know the boy’s parents, but he still feels terribly guilty for what had happened). Essentially, Neville’s journey would be similar to Harry’s – his parents were found and killed, but he was saved by their love, he is raised by shitty relatives, and has to deal with being the Chosen One while feeling very much not qualified to do so. What I think would be interesting though, is what happens with Snape if the Potters weren’t killed and if Dumbledore gave him a bit more credit for betraying the Dark Lord.

After the war ends, Snape becomes an official member of the Order (which Dumbledore kept as his own personal taskforce) and begins to slowly rebuild his relationship with Lily. It takes time. It takes years of polite greetings, and Severus waiting patiently, unobtrusively, with an apology and an offer of friendship, and Lily surprising herself one day by yelling at James when he and Sirius decide to have a go at “Snivellus” again. Her marriage with James fails a few years after the war ends (they got married at 20 and really only because the future was so terrifying and uncertain) and even though they stay close for Harry’s sake and share custody, Lily doesn’t have a lot of other people there for her. Except for Snape.

They have a lot of painful conversations about the war. Lily demands an explanation of why he joined the Death Eaters, and he provides one, without making excuses. They discuss the werewolf incident, which she only learned the whole truth about after Hogwarts. She cries because she’s ashamed of having been a coward and turning on her friend in favor of the Marauders’ popularity. She cries because she still loves all of them, just a little bit. They reminisce about Cokeworth and their relatives (all estranged or dead now), because they are the only people who really understand those things about each other. He helps her with Order business and work, and on a few memorable occasions, childcare. Even though Harry’s an annoying little brat and a James Potter look-alike, Snape doesn’t hate the boy because he got to know him through Lily, and it’s impossible to hate someone that she loves so much. They see each other every few weeks, and eventually they learn to see each other as human. They forgive each other, for everything.

Lily constantly tries to set him up with people she knows and he keeps saying he won’t listen to her because she has terrible taste in men. She laughs and admits it’s true, but persists.

It’s not anything like it was when they were children, they can never be that close again, but what they have now is less desperate, less toxic. They have other friends, different roles, whole separate lives now, but they also have each other. It heals something for both of them to know that it’s possible to come back from what had seemed like a completely irreparable situation.

Once the boys come to Hogwarts, Snape plays the same role for Neville as he would have played for Harry, but he’s less of a self-loathing asshole while he does it. He does his best to stay neutral about Harry (“It’s Professor Snape while we’re at Hogwarts, Mr. Potter!”) and although he despairs about Neville being the savior of the wizarding world, he helps the boy however he can without compromising his position as a spy.

Wow, I accidentally went off about Lily and Snape’s friendship in this mostly unrelated prompt... I am critical of Lily, and I think Sev deserved a better friend, but I also love these two growing up and reconciling. I think Lily’s far from perfect, but then so is Snape, and I want them to get a chance to mature and do better by each other *sighs*

@snapeloveposts

#snape appreciation month #snape appreciation month 2020 #snape #severus snape #pro snape #snapedom #lily evans #au #headcanon

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callumturncr · 6 years

Text

A Different Path [Sirius Black AU] - Part 4

Summary: Post-graduation AU in which the reader, Lily and The Marauders have just joined the Order of the Phoenix. As tensions are at its highest in the First Wizarding War, the reader, who likes Sirius Black more than she would like to admit, is framed for the murder of Marlene McKinnon.

Parts: 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8

Author’s Note: Starting from next week, updates will be on Saturday/Sunday instead of Wednesday because my school starts Monday, sorry! I hope you guys enjoy this part. Please feel free to message me if you want to be added on the tag list!

Gif is not mine. Words: 1.5k

Almost three years had passed and Y/N still hadn’t gotten used to the blasting cold that surrounded Azkaban prison.

It was the bone chilling kind that made you numb with prolonged exposure and the striped prisoner uniforms did nothing to shield against it. The monotony of solitary confinement and the Dementors that lurked along the corridors weren’t much comfort either. This had inevitably taken its toll on Y/N, both mentally and physically but like with the cold, she could do nothing to make herself feel better. Any positive thought, no matter how tiny would surely be fed upon by the Dementors.

Her cell was small with a port-hole like window that sat high up one wall. Small, white markings stood out on the other one – little lines made with a shard of rock to count the days she’d spent as prisoner – facing the door. It swung open right as she thought of it and Y/N flinched, waiting for the cloaked figure to swoop inside. But it wasn’t a Dementor.

Alastor Moody stood at the doorway, but this recognition only dawned on Y/N after a good few minutes. His face was covered with numerous scars and a chunk of his nose was missing, but the most shocking was his fake eye that was currently swiveling around the length of the room. Spotting her huddled against a dark corner, he moved inside.

“Y/L/N.”

Not sure if she was dreaming or not, Y/N stared at him in awe. He walked a few steps forward to see her a bit more clearly before crouching.

“Still got your wits about you?”

Recovering from her shock, she merely nodded in reply. There were so many questions that she had for him but she didn’t ask any, not trusting her voice. Instead, she sat up straighter and hid her shaking hands.

“Dementors give you much trouble?”

It was very unlike Moody to make small talk but Y/N thought that he had probably never found himself in this situation before. She shrugged.

“Why have you come?” Her voice was ragged from disuse.

“Annual visit with the Ministry,” he answered. “Crouch thought it would be good to see what became of the convicted Death Eaters in here.” As soon as he’d said it, he cursed under his breath. He hadn’t meant to sound as if Y/N was included in that category but the insinuation stung all the same.

“Why have you come to see me?” Once, the mere thought of questioning Alastor Moody would’ve made Y/N shudder but the Dementors were so draining, that she found herself past caring if she offended him or not.

“Dumbledore told me to check this floor.” He offered no more explanation. The magical eye had stopped scanning the room and was now fixed on her, bright and unblinking.

“You’ve missed a fair amount,” Moody said after a while. She looked on curiously but had half a mind to stop him. As much as she wanted to hear about the world beyond the tiny one that had become hers, thinking about her friends was painful. “Evans and Potter are married now. Have a son. Made Black the Godfather, he was best man at their wedding too.”

Y/N’s breath caught in her throat. Despite her markings on the wall, the days spent in her cell had all blurred together at some point but now, she truly realized how long it had been. Lily and James had a son. Something faintly resembling a smile broke out on her face and she found herself once again speechless. Moody inclined his head and spoke softer.

“Black goes to visit your friend’s grave regularly. Took her loss quite hard. Didn’t show at meetings for some time.”

At the specific mention of Sirius, Y/N looked towards the floor. Sirius’ words to her that day had stung most of all. The look of hatred on his face haunted her when she was awake, when she was asleep, in her dreams. As did the moment of Marlene’s death – Y/N had relived that night more times than she could count, each time envisioning something different she could’ve done to prevent it. Shaking her head fiercely, she expelled the image of Marlene’s dead body from her mind.

She didn’t want to hear about Sirius either.

“Where did they bury her?”

“Godric’s Hollow. She’s with her family.”

Y/N cocked her head to the side in confusion, heart thudding in her chest.

“Voldemort went after the whole McKinnon family after Marlene. Wiped out all of them,” he was still speaking softly, like his words might shatter her if he said them too loudly. She bit her lip, roughly wiping at her eyes. An entire family gone just like that. While she’d been holed up in Azkaban, Voldemort had only grown stronger and stronger and the McKinnons had taken the brunt of his power.

“You asked why I’m here,” Moody continued. “The Potters are about to be next.”

Surely she’d heard him wrong.

“Wh– what?”

“There is a prophecy that a boy born at the end of July possesses the power to defeat the Dark Lord,” he stopped seeing the incredulous look on her face but continued on before she could stop him. “Lily gave birth at the end of July, last year.”

She stared at him, dumbstruck. “How can a child–”

“That’s not the point. Voldemort reportedly knows about this prophecy. This boy it referred to can either be Lily’s son or Alice Longbottom’s. You remember Alice?”

Y/N nodded. “She was an Auror. Her husband as well.”

“Professor Flitwick told Dumbledore that a Fidelius charm could be performed to keep James, Lily and the boy safe. Something about hiding them in a living soul. The person whose soul is chosen is referred to as the Secret Keeper.” Moody paused and let out a sigh before dealing the final blow.

“The Potters have chosen Peter Pettigrew to be that Secret Keeper.”

Y/N’s blood ran cold. His words made no sense at all.

“No,” she began, “Why him? Why not Sirius? James’ best friend is Sirius.”

“Actually, Black was the one who convinced them to choose Peter instead.”

The thought of Sirius secretly being Death Eater too played itself out in her head but she shook it away. Sirius would never, not in a million years, betray the Potters. Not James, who had given him a home and a family and his trust.

But hadn’t she thought the same about Peter once?

“Then why not Remus? Don’t tell me they’re still at odds.”

“They are not. Once Crouch sentenced you, Black believed he had it wrong from the beginning. Remus was not the spy to be wary of…” Moody trailed off. Y/N steeled her gaze.

“He thinks it was me all along,” she finished for him. Something bitter rose within her; it had taken her imprisonment for them to make up.

“He believes he and Lupin would be too predictable as choices for Secret Keeper. Voldemort would never think it would be Pettigrew,” Moody said grimly. “But Sirius doesn’t know what you know does he, Y/N?”

She gaped at him as her mind worked to decipher what he meant. At last, she understood why Moody was here.

He believed her. Believed that Peter had been the one to kill Marlene, the one betraying the Order’s secrets. Believed that given the chance, he would betray this secret too. Moody stood up as the realization crossed her face.

“Sirius will not change his mind. It’s Peter’s word against mine,” she couldn’t help the bitterness in her voice.

“Unfortunately that is true. So we show him.”

His wand was in his hand and he hobbled closer to her.

“He will not take your word for it either. Legilimency won’t work,” Y/N said.

“Right again. Legilimency will not convince anyone, which is why I need the exact memory,” Moody’s eye had spun again so he could watch the door in case anyone came in. His real eye was focused on her as she pieced it together.

Dumbledore told me to check this floor.

“The Pensieve,” she breathed. Y/N closed her eyes as he brought his wand to her temple. A thin wisp of silver floated out and directed by his wand, placed itself in a small vial. He made his way back just as several muffled voices rounded the corner, Dumbledore’s deep rumble among them. Opening the door, Moody spoke loudly as if he had only just come to her cell.

“The Ministry of Magic has agreed to your trial,” he began. Y/N blinked in surprise and his sheepish look told her that he’d nearly forgotten to say this. “You will stand before the Minister and the Wizengamot in two months and tell them exactly what happened that night.”

The voices were drawing nearer. Moody gave her one final nod and pocketed the vial, about to close the door when Y/N called out.

“What’s his name?” she asked. “Lily’s son?”

The door had almost shut but she heard his answer.

“Harry Potter.”

Tag List: @knowledgeisthebomb @siriusement @kendratheweird @emi-loser @i-think-i-am-adorable @avengersassemblee @movokepwc @blackloveangel13 @misunderstood-sinner @vvytran @all-throughthe-night @ashkuuuu @thepuffyeyedpuff @annino112

#sirius black #sirius black imagine #sirius black imagines #sirius black x reader #sirius black au #sirius x reader #sirius x you #sirius black fanfiction #sirius black fanfictions #marauders era #marauders era imagine #marauders era imagines #harry potter #harry potter imagine #harry potter imagines #harry potter fanfiction #my writing

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quartusbellum-blog · 6 years

Photo

KARLI for the role of JAMES POTTER, using the faceclaim BOB MORLEY.

Everything about your application brings me such glee. I love James, but I also love seeing him break, since he’s such a strong, positive force in canon. In the writing sample, you balanced James’ principals with his desire to keep his family safe perfectly. My favourite part of this app, however, has to be the tulips. That was some stunning writing and I can’t wait to see what you do with James in this game!

ooc details

Name: Karli

Age: 27

Pronouns: She/Her

Activity Level: I can be around every day, but mostly on mobile throughout the week until the evening (CMT timezone). I work 11 hour days on Tues/Wed and likely won’t do as much posting then. I will have no problem meeting the requirements and can likely post more than that as well, usually at least once per day.

Other: No triggers or questions or anything else.

Acknowledgement: I acknowledge that the themes of this game may include triggering elements. I also acknowledge that my character may be harmed, coerced, or even killed (with player’s consent) during paras/events or may cause harm to or kill others during paras/events.

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general ic details

Name: James “Prongs” Charlus Potter

Age: 20

Ships: I ship chemistry, but I do have a special place in my heart for James/Lily. That being said… I think it’s pretty important to know that James views himself as part of that ship, due to having been in that relationship before his capture and now with his belief that the Death Eater’s have Lily. I don’t necessarily think this has to be an actual ship, though. Lily and him have been apart for a while now and anything can happen. Right now, James’ main purpose is less on ships and more about trying to get out of the situation he’s in (and get his memories back in order), so I don’t think a lot of hot and heavy romance will be happening regardless. I think Lily is extremely important to his character in this roleplay, however.

Gender/Pronouns: Cismale. He/Him

Face Claim: Bob Morley. Secondary: Ashton Moio. (If you don’t like either, I’m willing to explore more suggestions. I’ve been stuck for days on this FC question!)

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biography:

(Just as a warning, I do not follow the guidelines of Pottermore’s backstory for James or his family. This bio also revolves about Bob Morley as a FC, due to his Filipino background. If another FC needs to be chosen, this bio will have to be revamped to reflect that ethnicity.)

Charlus and Aizel Potter met late in life, long after Charlus’ years as an eligible bachelor. He’d given up, at that point, in hopes of finding a suitable wife and had poured himself into is work at the Ministry of Magic’s Department of International Magical Cooperation. He’d met Azelia during his work in the Philippines, her upbringing far from his own, and had fallen in love with her. They were old enough, they’d thought, and decided not to wait. Married within just a few short months, Charlus had taken her back to England with him to live at the Potter Estate, tearing her away from her country, her entire family, and all she’d ever known. With him working and her at home, it wasn’t long before their first – and only – son was born. It had been a hard pregnancy due to Aizel’s age and the healer had recommended against trying for a second. It did not matter to either of them – James was enough. A pureblood son who was brilliant and charming and handsome rolled into one.

James had a rather lonely childhood, however. Living without close neighbors and with all of his parents’ friends having kids much older than him, James found ways to pass the time on his own. His mother taught him from home, where he learned the basics, such as how to read, write, and do arithmetic, along with an introduction to magic. She had a spirituality about her that came from a long line of her family back home. She’d talked of a different sort of importance rather blood status – and his father agreed. Or he’d said he did. It was the more polite thing to do, of course. Prejudices were less becoming in more recent days – what with new laws and rights for muggleborns. Back in his day, Hogwarts had barely allowed them into the school, after all. But Charlus could not understand what the whole fuss was about. There had already been changes in the world – why were some groups calling for more?

When James had finally gone to school, he’d revered the house of Gryffindor and was eager to make friends. It had come on quickly – Sirius on the train and then Remus later, finally ending the group with Peter. It felt right. There were a few comments from the older students towards James – saying he could’ve chosen anyone for his friends and yet he’d picked a group of outcasts - but it turned out to be one of the best things James ever did. By the time their fourth year rolled around, even people from higher years were looking at the self-proclaimed Marauders with a wishful look in their eyes, hoping that perhaps they could fit one more. Only James thought the number four seemed quite appropriate – he’d choose a night with his mates over a large group of people any day. They enjoyed pranks and sneaking around the grounds and castle. It didn’t matter to any of them that, sometimes, they had to turn into animals so they didn’t get eaten – an adventure was an adventure, James always said! And maybe those adventures meant hexing a few people along the way but, come on, it was just a laugh. And nobody really wanted to miss out on the opportunity to point at Severus Snape, would they?

However, things grew darker as the years moved on. There was that incident with Snivellus and the Whomping Willow to deal with, of course, but it was mostly outside the walls that James worried about. By his sixth year, a full-fledged war was being fought in the Wizarding World, wix on wix, beast on beast. It was brutal and bloody and James noticed for what might have been the first time ever that he was one very small person in a very large world. He was eager to get out and fight. His true testament of growth, however, did not stand in his Head Boy badge (which he did get) or his offer to join in training camp for the Appleby Arrows (which did happen) or even the fact that he’d ended up as Lily Evans’ boyfriend (which was the talk of the school for a while) – it was the fact that, when Flich had confiscated the Marauders Map, James did not encourage his friends to go and get it. They had to leave all that behind. They were about to fight a war.

It seemed only fitting when Dumbledore recruited them to the underground group called The Order of the Phoenix. James himself loved the idea of such a secret rebellion. Hadn’t he spent an entire lifetime breaking the rules? Shortly after graduation, his parents’ death hit him hard, one after another. Nothing sinister about them – old age and dragon pox never did mix – but James grew more focused, more determined. Only he hadn’t prepared on how much he would have to see – how much he would have to endure. The Order began to tear itself apart. People were dying every day and James himself had been in enough scraps that he no longer thought himself invincible. When Lord Voldemort offered his hand out – again and again – James, of course, said no, barely escaping his own brush with death. It was affecting even his friends. There was a spy in the Order and fingers were pointed. Sirius thought it Remus – and Remus was so far off the grid that he couldn’t exactly defend himself. James held firm – none of them would betray another, he’d argued over and over when the conversation broke out amongst the Order members.

Only his luck was bound to run out eventually. His trust proved destructive and Peter, one of his best mates, had deceived them all. James’ confidence did not wane – he would lead the revolt in Dumbledore’s honor. Only things did not go as planned (James, after all, had never been the best at looking at things from all angles) and he’d wound up in the hands of the Death Eaters, the One Army. His body tortured, his mind played with. Now, he doesn’t understand why his memories don’t add up. He believes that Lily has been captured, held hostage, their baby with her. There’s been no indication to him that there is no baby. With his belief that she’ll die if he doesn’t obey, he’s taken the Mark. He does what he needs to do for his own survival and his family’s. He hopes to get her back – and get back to his friends – only there’s blood on his hands now and he can’t quite wipe them clean this time.

Evan Rosier holds the strings, after all. James is just the puppet.

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my character is:

Please Describe a Belief your character has that is wrong.

Pretty much all of what James believes to be true actually isn’t. After Dumbledore’s arrest and James’ subsequent capture, he spent just over six months in captivity, being tortured and played with by Evan Rosier. His memories are now befuddled. He thinks he knows why he’s doing what he’s doing, but he’s completely wrong about that. During those six months, new memories were planted, old ones scrambled. James finally took the Mark after being convinced - no, that’s not right, he actually remembers it happening, doesn’t he? - that his pregnant girlfriend was taken, too. In the dungeons, his baby was born. A boy, Evan had told him.

James took the Mark to keep his family alive and has been doing the Death Eaters’ bidding since then until he can get them out. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone, of course - but it’s them or his family and, for the first time, James doesn’t have a way to get out of it. Nothing makes sense, but the one thing that he’s certain of is that there actually isn’t a choice at all. He would die to defy Voldemort if he had to, but he’s not willing to risk the lives of the people he loves. So, with his wand raised, he’ll think of his son locked in captivity and cast an Unforgivable. Pain, he’s had to decide, is something inevitable in this war.

Please Provide a description of either Your Character’s Job and Address the differences between what your character is currently doing and what they would prefer to do?

James does not have a job outside of being a Death Eater and working with One Army. Everything he has, he’s given to them. He handed over his estate, watched his childhood home be destroyed. They’d cleared out his vault at Gringotts. He’s even given his freedom, which is probably the worst of it all. But he does it to keep his family alive and to hopefully one day get back to his friends. By all intents and purposes, his work is as a Death Eater. It’s a job he’d never thought he’d be doing - a Mark he never expected to take. But it’s his life now, isn’t it?

James would prefer to be doing literally anything but this. He’d rather be running with the Ashen Phoenix - or even underground with the Radical Alliance, if his mate’s group would have him. He doesn’t exactly want to be a werewolf or vampire, but if it meant he could get away from his current situation, he’d gladly take that Mark over his own. Only - that doesn’t help Lily. That doesn’t help his child. So he stays and he does what he’s told. He’s heard the names of his friends - Remus in the woods, Sirius on the run. And, confusingly, he’s heard the name of Lily Evans in the Ashen Phoenix, too. But he assumes it’s just another trick. Just another way to mess about with his memories, another form of torture. That can’t be his Lily, not if he remembers her down in the dungeons. Something he’s determined to do, however, is get to the bottom of what’s going on. He needs to find Sirius and Remus. Needs to get out of here with his family intact.

ooc questions

Writing Sample: (I have included Evan in this para sample since James revolves a lot around him, but if we get an Evan who views him differently, with a different sort of dialogue, this can easily be changed!)

This thing itched. Was it supposed to itch? James’ fingers toyed with the Mark, tracing the outline silently, eyes watching the dark snake crawling from the skull. How many times had he seen this above a house, waiting for someone to find the people dead inside? He’d always wondered how anyone could do it. Follow Voldemort - take the Dark Mark - murder innocent people. He’d judged them for it. It wasn’t as though his entire life in war had been without bloodshed. No, he had spilled enough to know that battle was bloody - but he’d always been spilling Death Eater blood. The wrong side. He was supposed to be the good guy. But now - now he didn’t know. Things were much more complicated than a life of good and bad. People did things for a number of reasons, it seemed. James was living proof of that.

Evan moved from the house and James quickly pulled down his sleeve. He’d been left alone and hadn’t run. He hated himself for giving Evan the confidence to have James go ahead of him. They both knew James wouldn’t go anywhere. He had a reason for staying - a reason for living. A long time ago (it seemed like an entire lifetime), he would’ve rather died than become one of them. But it wasn’t his life he was protecting anymore. His son… his son had been born. James had taken the Mark for him - though, at the time he’d agreed to it, he hadn’t known it was a boy. He remembered Lily telling him she was pregnant; he’d been taken shortly after, Lily’s own capture following his eventually. But Evan had kept him informed of her progress. She’s getting bigger every day, he told James. She asks about you. She’s very pretty, isn’t she?

That last part had caused James’ blood to boil, to spit in Evan’s direction before another round of curses hit. But he hadn’t let himself die - because he knew it would mean her death. Their baby’s death. And, finally, when he was given a choice of the Mark with the assurance they would let the baby be born, James had agreed. Just raised his head in the dungeon, body aching from the Cruciatus, mouth bleeding from a teeth-pulling jinx, and said he would join them. Not a Gryffindor, after all.

Now, he stood to wait for his true master - sure, Voldemort was in charge, but he wasn’t the one controlling James - to come down the steps. The plan was to Apparate to the meeting point. James never got all the details of these little missions, so usually had to be guided to the location by Evan. It wasn’t his first ride along, but he hadn’t grown used to them yet, either. Mostly, he just stood around, doing what he was told, trying to hurt as few people as he could. He was their puppet and they knew it. James hated them. Hated himself. Wordlessly, he held out his hand and tried to ignore Evan’s smirk, taking the proffered arm. They turned on the spot together, James being wrenched somewhere he didn’t know. It was a small house with white shutters, flowers in the yard. Bellatrix stood in the shadows, Peter next to her, and James glowered, but kept his mouth shut. He was getting better at biting his tongue these days.

Bellatrix had approached Evan with a furious look in her eyes, violently gesturing around about the Dark Lord’s wishes. Apparently, they’d been late. Peter’s eyes connected with James, who stared back for a few moments before looking away. The power between the two men had changed and there was an ache that moved through his heart because part of James still loved Peter. Or, at least, the Peter who liked vanilla-flavored sugar quills and once made James laugh so hard his stomach had hurt for over an hour after. It wasn’t every day he ran into his old friend - and Peter did not gloat whenever they did, for which James was grateful - but the worse missions were the ones where they were together.

James clutched his wand. It was pathetic - they allowed him to have a wand, turned their backs on him. He was so clutched in their grasps that he didn’t even think about jinxing Evan from behind anymore. “Potter!” His head snapped up. “Apparently Bevan Vexx here has been helping Mudbloods get false papers. It’s time to teach him a lesson, don’t you think, Potter?”

“If you say so,” James replied, the answer easily on his lips, not the first time he’s agreed in such a manner.

“I’d like you to help me. Teach you a new trick or two. I’m afraid it’s not exactly a request, but I do hope you’ll agree that you might benefit from learning some new magic.”

“What do you want me to do?” Though James had a feeling. He couldn’t get away with not killing someone for very long, after all. His heart began to race, his grip on his wand grew tighter.

Evan smiled and it was such a fucking pleasant grin that James wanted to scream. “How about you follow my lead and then we’ll discuss your progress after, okay? We’ll have you practice securing the Dark Mark above the house, as well.”

James took a deep breath, thought of his son - he wanted to live to find out his name - and Lily down in the dungeons. His eyes moved around the yard again. Someone in the house must be very proud of their tulips. He wondered if it was Bevan. He was ready. In his head, he said the curse. He had to mean it for it to work. Hadn’t that been the problem the first time Evan had asked him to perform it? Avada Kedavra, Avada Kedavra. He could do this. He stepped over the Tulips to get to the front door.

Exploration:

1) There’s a lot that might be done with James’ memories. He thinks Lily is down in the dungeon, yes, but what else does he think he’s sure about? Evan has control over everything with him and I’m willing to throw James under the Knight Bus and have him fuck things up due to his false-memories. I would love to get an Evan Rosier because that’s such an interesting dynamic for James. I want to see Evan’s ability to convince James of things that aren’t true. I’m not afraid to make James hurt or kill people - hurt other characters in the rp, even! - because he’s working as a Death Eater and that’s what he needs to do to keep his so-called family alive. I want to get to the nitty-gritty of what being in the One Army entails. I don’t want to shy away from that.

2) I think it’s pretty important to find ways that everyone is forced to come together. Right now, the groups are pretty separate and there’s not a lot of room for a casual run in, since half the cast would be arrested. I could see some sort of battle happening, though. Perhaps the Ashen Phoenix decides to throw an explosion into Hogsmeade. Or maybe the Radical Alliance is caught selling vampire blood on the black market. I’m eager to see how it all plays out.

3) I was thinking that there is potential for James to end up siding with the Silent Daggers at some point. Right now, he doesn’t even know they exist but, if he ever found out, he may just have to crawl with his antlers down towards them because they’re at least a step in the right direction to what he wants. He can’t just go out and join the Ashen Phoenix, but working with other Death Eaters might not be so suspicious. So there’s potential for that.

4) Here’s a fourth because why not: Dumbledore’s escape!! What will it mean for the groups? For James? I like that idea. It would also be interested if it were a botched escape. Or let’s say they do get him out - he wouldn’t be the same Dumbledore anymore, would he? Ariana’s ghost has been haunting him for over a year. I’d like to see how that all changes things. Perhaps the Ashen Phoenix will need to stick by their new leaders, rather than their old.

Extras:

Here’s a few more interpersonal things I’d like to explore:

1) There has been a lot of time lost since the last time Lily and James saw one another. He’s been thinking she’s captured, yes, but he also expects her to be waiting around for him like he has with her. I personally don’t think that has to happen. They’re still so young and have dated for less than two years. She has the right to move on, especially during the times where she didn’t even know if he was alive or not. But James won’t see it that way, which I find incredibly interesting.

2) Severus Snape and him have always been enemies - and they are still on opposite sides now. Only it’s flip flopped. I’d love to see how this dynamic works with the both of them, given James has taken Severus’ place in One Army, while Snape has moved onto the Ashen Phoenix. For once, James can’t say that Severus is in the wrong here.

3) His relationship with Sirius and Remus is incredibly important and, right now, unable to exist much outside of wishful thinking. Sirius is trying to keep everyone and everything together, which is normally James’ job. So I’m excited to see how that dynamic will play out, especially with the betrayal of Peter having already happened. If we ever got a Peter in game, then he and James would have a lot of potential for interaction, given they’re both on the same side.

#marauders era rp #harry potter roleplay #hp skeleton rp #lsrp #marauders rp #james potter #james potter bio #quartusbellumaccept

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raptured-night · 6 years

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Would you indulge me and share your thoughts about the relationship between Slughorn and Snape? I can't quite decide which I favour; the idea of Slughorn as a genuine mentor who perhaps greased the odd wheel for Severus, or a Slughorn who was entirely distant from the too-dark-to-be-comfortable youth who later claims association based upon Severus' success at Hogwarts?

I tend to go back-and-forth when it comes to Slughorn and a young Severus. Did Slughorn see his potential but ignore it because he lacked the connections? Was Slughorn initially someone who tried to mentor a young Severus and, when he felt he would be unable to steer him away from the kind of darkness he once failed to recognize in Tom Riddle, did he decide to cut his losses and leave him to whatever end he met?

Then there’s Severus. Did he ever feel maligned by Slughorn? Did he resent him? Feel his talents went unappreciated by a man who only appeared to want to court the kids with access to certain privileges or with certain character traits he couldn’t hope to ever have? Or did he respect him? Or perhaps he was entirely ambivalent to the man. Maybe, as a proud young man already critically engaging with his own textbook and making corrections, he felt Slughorn’s teaching style left much to be desired and he wrote him off as a self-aggrandizing hack.

There are quite a few possible ways to look at their student-teacher relationship and very few concrete bits of canon that can tell us what the nature of it was with any kind of certainty. However, I do find it interesting that Slughorn’s teaching style and approach to being Head of House, from what we were able to glean in HBP, was markedly different from Snape’s own methods.

Where Snape may have walked around, observed the student progress, and criticized obvious failures before providing his corrections when teaching a typical potions class, I believe that we get an idea of how Slughorn operates and where his priorities are very early on in HBP just by how he conducts his classes. He may have more affably corrected a few students; nudged those struggling in the right direction to avoid potentially disastrous mistakes but more than anything else he made it very clear to the students who his “picks” were among them and that it would have little to do with his house affiliation at Hogwarts.

Notably, we saw a bit of a reversal in HBP where Hermione, who is typically the student who answers all the questions and earns points and praise for her house from teachers, is overshadowed by Harry in Slughorn’s class. Indeed, I would argue that the symbolism of Harry being singled-out by Slughorn both as a result of his legacy (being the Boy-Who-Lived after facing off against the student he once praised, Tom Riddle, and Lily’s son in particular) and achieving much of his success by following the instructions of the Half-Blood Prince (Snape) carries the most poignancy and weight if we apply it to a reading where Slughorn allowed a young Severus’s brilliance and talent to go unacknowledged and be neglected. A reading where Slughorn (perhaps shy of making the same mistake he made in the past or perhaps just unconvinced a boy of his class and background can hope to go far) doesn’t nurture Severus’s potential and joins the ranks of authority figures in his life who may have, ironically, contributed to the series of circumstances that made it possible for Voldemort to recruit him into his ranks.

In fact, it is mainly because of the poetic and cyclical nature of it that I typically find myself going back to an interpretation of Slughorn’s and Severus’s relationship where Slughorn’s role in his life was less that of a warm or potentially helpful mentor and more one that a boy like Severus may already have become accustomed/resigned to; wary, distant, guarded, or even something bordering on dismissive. The neglected boy from Spinner’s End who once dreamt of finding his place in Slytherin at Hogwarts finds himself with a Head of House who overlooks him; he finds himself with a Headmaster who fails to protect him; bullies who ensure he must watch his step and expect danger at every turn; and ambitions no closer to being within his reach than before.

It falls in line with the sense of tragedy that appears to inform Severus Snape’s character. It also serves to further the connections between Severus, Harry, and Voldemort/Tom. Slughorn, who favored Tom and came to regret it, neglects Severus (perhaps out of the fear of repeating his mistakes) and closes off access to the sort of connections and resources that may have enabled Severus to find a better path to achieve his ambitions, thus furthering the likelihood that Severus would fall into the path of the Death Eaters. Then, years later, and in a great twist of irony, we see Slughorn finally praise the genius he once ignored in Severus through Harry (an amalgamation of Tom, Lily, and James) and his use of Severus’s old textbook while assuming the talent Harry demonstrates is something he inherited from Lily. Which, in itself, becomes intriguing for me because we again could potentially say we’ve encountered a bit of a cyclical symbolism in the fact that Slughorn acknowledges Harry’s talents and his belief he inherited it from his mother, while Hermione (a character who Rowling often parallels with Severus) becomes overshadowed by his success, but I digress.

Another point of interest for me is in the fact that Slughorn was a character who clearly played favorites. Where some of fandom, certain Gryffindors, and Harry liked to criticize Snape for favoring Slytherin (ignoring the potential for similar house politics and favoritism from other professors, McGonagall most notably) what made Slughorn so interesting is that he went outside of his house loyalties and simply favored individual students on the basis of who they were or what potential they held to become someone.

Personally, I would argue that his approach had the potential to be far more demoralizing for a student because of the nature of his selection process. Where a student may feel maligned or overlooked by Severus or McGonagall they do have house politics to fall back on to brush it off. It becomes less about them, as an individual, and more about their house. That is, after being given detention alongside Harry and Hermione by McGonagall, Draco can go back to his housemates and complain about how unfair she was; how she clearly just favored Gryffindor, etc., etc. In contrast, when Slughorn excludes him from his Slug Club it is a clear and very personal rejection of who Draco is, of his family, and who Slughorn believes he’s associated with (i.e. Voldemort and the Death Eaters). In essence, it’s a very different sort of statement and a different form of rejection.

That is why I typically argue that the Slug Club strikes me as something of a testament to the fact that Slughorn was clearly a teacher who played favorites during his tenure, in-so-far as that to be able to gain access/membership one had to be invited by Slughorn personally. As previously said, he didn’t appear to favor his house specifically when it came to his selection process but rather the students individually. Otherwise, Gryffindor and Muggle-born Lily Evans wouldn’t have been such a favorite of his.

Which brings me back to his relationship with a young Severus. The very fact that Slughorn didn’t appear to specifically favor his house is interesting. Because then Slughorn isn’t just the Head of Slytherin who opens the door for his young, ambitious Slytherins as part of his role as their mentor. He’s someone who acts as something of a talent scout, which means that being in Slytherin doesn’t appear to guarantee you’ll be invited to become a member of his Slug Club.

You can be a Muggle-born from a rival house like Gryffindor and still be favored by Slughorn, so long as you demonstrate to him you have the potential to go far in the world. And there’s the crux of it; we know that Severus was brilliant; we know that he was every bit the progeny that Lily Evans was at that point, yet when reflecting back on Severus as a student we have Slughorn remarking on his unfortunate disadvantages while contradicting himself by attributing some of his success at Hogwarts to himself. Could it be that he’s merely puffing himself up for posterity, does he genuinely believe he contributed in some way, or does that momentary hesitancy where he reflects on a young Severus who he saw as having little prospects serve as a reflection of regret in the same vein that we saw from McGonagall in POA over her treatment of Peter Pettigrew?

No matter how you look at it, the fact that Severus appears to have been excluded from the Slug Club and that Slughorn once doubted Severus had potential to go very far does come as a more personal rejection –and from his own Head of House no less.

One may assume that were Severus making connections in his house in the wake of Malfoy’s graduation (and assuming that the Malfoy name didn’t always rank as persona non grata in Slughorn’s book prior to Lucius Malfoy’s very public incarceration and affiliation with Death Eaters we can even examine what sort of outlook he may have had when it came to the Malfoys) that carried any influence Slughorn’s attitude may have been altered. Indeed, even had he felt that Severus’s associations were too dark for his taste and distanced himself, one would assume he would have been more inclined to have reflected on his past concerns for Severus, his ambitions, and what kind of influential people he had chosen to associate himself with rather than concluding he had been a boy with potential but too little prospects for him.

Then we have Severus and his own methods for teaching and his approach to being the Head of Slytherin House. As a spy we often have to factor how much of his behavior can be attributed to his role; however, we can still see that where Slughorn’s priorities were in cultivating individual talent in specific students, Snape’s focus seems to be specifically on his house. In Severus, we have a Head of House who, in the wake of Voldemort’s downfall when Slytherin was likely at the lowest point of morale, managed to lead them through a series of House Cup winning streaks until the arrival of Harry Potter. We have a Head of House who still allegedly favors his own house, despite never appearing to have awarded points to any student of any house (and one who could give a Gryffindor Muggle-born like Hermione higher marks in her exams than a pure-blood Slytherin like Draco and still be regarded as biased in favor of his house and remain a favorite of Draco’s). In short, we have a Head of House that Slytherin children like Draco go home and apparently talk about endlessly.

Is this solely to enable Severus to fulfill his role as a spy or could a case also be made that Severus has modeled himself into the kind of Head of House that he would have wanted as a student? The anthesis of Slughorn; someone who does not run away from the dark reputation of his house or among some of the students for his own sake and who strives to rally them, stoke the fires of their ambition, and not allow them to be neglected even during the times when the stigma surrounding their house is at it’s greatest? Someone who can honestly threaten to hold back his Slytherins (Crabbe and Goyle) or grade one lower than a Muggle-born Gryffindor (Draco) and still be favored because he’s made such an impression on them that they can accept his criticism and still see him as on their side.

Ultimately, it’s for all these reasons that I always end up coming back to the headcanon that Slughorn and Severus’s relationship was always more distant or reserved rather than any student/mentor dynamic. As I said, I do tend to waver back and forth but the literary scholar in me always tends to prefer this reading because it fits so neatly with all the threads of the overarching story and the character of Severus Snape.

Thanks for the ask! I don’t get them very often and Severus and Slughorn’s dynamic is one that I feel is so seldom explored by the fandom that I always enjoy turning it over and examining it in my mind. There’s so little material to go on yet the bits and pieces we do have to go on fascinate me. I’m the same way when it comes to the connection between Moody and Snape. Anyway, I hope that I managed to organize my thoughts coherently and that my answer has been satisfactory.

Regards,

Raptured Night

#severus snape #horace slughorn #snape meta #harry potter

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