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blueberrypancakesworld · 6 months

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Day.4 Gun - Sawtober/Sawcember

warning : blood, use of guns, explicit violence, mention of sexual fantasy

Sawtober/Sawcember masterlist

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They were the two true policemen, they were the executive force that carried it out on the population. They were the authority of goodness in this abandoned city. They both upheld justice, but at the end of the day this justice looked completely different.

It was the righteousness of a maniacal murderer and an obsessed policeman. Mark Hoffman the apprentice of Jigsaw and Peter Strahm the special agent who wanted to put an end to it.

They were like a medal from the same side and yet, at the end of the day, they had more in common than they wanted to admit.

They both used violence, one more differently than the other and yet they used it. But their favorite use of violence was against each other. It was like a game between them.

Strahm knew that Hoffman was the new Jigsaw and Hoffman knew that Strahm knew. It was all about collecting the evidence and bringing it to the public or destroying it in time.

But they both knew that this something between them was just waiting for them to go one step further. They were more than just rivals who didn't spare each other the slightest bit.

They both took more and more from the other. The more they worked on their case, the more often Hoffman saw Strahm standing in the dark corners of the corridors and factories.

The more often Strahm stayed awake at night staring at his computer screen, the more often he saw Hoffman in the flicker.

The more often they met, the worse things seemed to get between them. It was only a matter of time before they both turned on each other. Everyone knew it. Hoffman knew it and Strahm knew it.

It was only a matter of time before they either killed each other or the game between them went too far. That this hatred would turn into a greater obession and the delusions of grandeur of both would take over the other.

Because in the end, not all such strong emotions are always connected with a touch of love. Even if it is only the desire to strangle the other with one's own hands, as in the case of these two.

But since Hoffman didn't have to work on any machines that evening, he stayed at the police station, went through the files and while it looked from the outside as if he was doing paperwork, he looked for clues he could have left behind.

He played the good cop who had lost so many colleagues. Saying goodnight to the rest of the department and yet knowing that a light was still on in the office across from him.

The two of them were like two wild dogs who begrudged each other nothing and rather tore each other apart. As with everything, all it took was a little nudge or, in their case, a shot.

He knew how to tease Strahm, he wanted to bring out his feelings in him and make him weak. He would rip his throat out at the right moment while Peter would do the same.

With a few files in his hand, he walked out of his office, clearly feeling his weapon on his belt and had already imagined more than once what it would be like to strike Strahm down with it.

To have him kneeling in front of him with the gun in his mouth and to pull the trigger. A thought that excited him and more than just appealed to him. ,,I've found a few more files," he said as he entered without a thought.

He saw his colleague look up from his desk and there was annoyance in his gaze. They were both running on coffee and plain food and the caffeine seemed to be taking its toll on their nerves and patience.

Wordlessly, Strahm pointed to a half-empty space on his desk and Hoffman slipped these onto it. He deliberately scattered a few of the sheets due to the loose office space and heard the annoyed click of his tongue.

,,Was that necessary and if there's nothing left go," Strahm said and set about picking up the leaves again, turning his back to Hoffman. The killer's eyes settled on Strahm. It would be so easy to shoot him and yet the thought of putting the gun on the back of the other man's head.

To force him and finally take what he wanted. ,,Agent Strahm...one thing I can't figure out...we clearly found your fingerprints on one of the traps and everyone thinks it was a mistake," Hoffman began and stopped, standing with his back to Strahm's and both looking over their shoulders at the other.

,,What about it?" asked Peter, who liked the whole thing less and less, especially the situation and the fact that they were alone in a room.

His thoughts ran over and over again to the same picture. Hoffman beaten bloody in front of him with a gun in his mouth and he pulled the trigger.

Watching Hoffman go down, watching every joint, muscle vein, artery and blood from his body hit the floor. He had already seen what happened, had seen a bullet hit a body.

Had seen what such a weapon could do. But Hoffman also knew all too well what weapons could do, what his traps could do, what metal was capable of.

,,Nothing I mean we both know it was you," as soon as he had finished his sentence Strahm jumped up from his chair and hurried over to the man of about the same age. He saw the arrogance in Hoffman's grin and Peter felt his hands clench into fists.

,,I know it's you Hoffman, you fucker, you killed them all and now you're being celebrated as a hero!" he hissed and it took both of them a lot of effort not to go at each other. He had put up with a lot, but accusations and his dead colleagues.

It hurt something inside him. But maybe he just wanted to be right. Wanted to be right so as not to have killed Hoffman for nothing in the end. Something deep inside him would even see this as a pity.

But this seemed to be mutual. ,,You look like shit Strahm," Mark began, stepping towards the other knowing he was crossing the line of personal space. He did it on purpose and was just waiting for the right thing to happen.

,,You're imagining a lot...I mean, maybe you dream about me at night," as soon as he had finished the sentence, Strahm grabbed Hoffman's tie. Took the other one by surprise before Peter's fist hit the face of his counterpart.

He heard the stifled hiss as if Hoffman was holding back an insult. Before he struck again, he felt himself come into contact with his opponent's face again.

He felt something wet on his knuckles and knew it was Hoffman's blood and it excited him. He was about to lunge for the next punch when Hoffman stopped his strike and reached for Strahm's collar instead.

The surprise of the deflected blow, however, meant that the agent had not seen it coming and a groan of pain went through the office as Strahm staggered back.

Hoffman the bastard had hit his lip and through the tingling stupor Strahm saw the blood dripping onto the floor.

,,Wretched scum!" Strahm hissed and wiped his lip with the back of his hand, wincing, but the burst lip only bled more and more. His white shirt was now soaked with bloodstains and gave him a twisted smile.

,,You seem to like it... the way you smile," Hoffman commented, having lost the wide, excited grin, the white teeth now stained with blood and the rapid breathing. ,,And you don't?" Strahm said between breaths and reached for Hoffman, who let him.

He seemed to lose himself in the fight and the man. In the sight of the bleeding glow that haunted him every night. ,,I've got more of this," he said with a hint of arrogance, and in the quick breaths and groaning noises, the click of the gun's holster being released was barely audible.

It was only when Strahm smashed the barrel of the gun into Hoffman's nose that not only the crack but also the painful grunt could be heard. Hoffman, obviously dazed, staggered back and banged against the filing cabinet in Strahm's office.

The special agent saw that Hoffman's blood was oozing from between his fingers - he had broken his nose. He had made him bleed and the exciting prickling feeling in his body made him almost high.

It was intoxicating. It was so intoxicating...he wanted to hit him again and again and again. Over and over again until Hoffman's blood was on his skin.

Mark was still holding his nose and seemed to be struggling with the dizziness as Strahm came at him, the gun still in his hand, he yanked Hoffman back by the hair and looked up into the pained grin of the equally tall man.

Mark's hands had gone to Peter's wrists and were trying to get him off. ,,Show me how good you can be," Hoffman joked and spat blood at Strahm, which hit the agent in the face and he grimaced, disgusted but even more incensed.

It was like a kiss for Hoffman when he saw how his blood spit also hit Strahm's lips and he would have loved to laugh.

Strahm saw the joy Hoffman felt at the excitement they both felt at hurting each other and only wanted to punish his opponent even more.

He wanted to make him finally do it. Tearing Hoffman away from the cupboard by his hair, he thundered his opponent against the wall of the office.

He could feel the tension in the other man's body and knew that Hoffman wasn't finished yet. On the contrary, because of their proximity, he lashed out with his elbow and hit Peter in the stomach.

The pain and nausea immediately hit the investigator, who pushed Hoffman away, cursing. ,,Son of a bitch!" hissed Strahm, who tried not to writhe in the pain that coursed through his body and the adrenaline did nothing to ease it.

At the same moment he felt Hoffman's teeth digging into his hand as he tried to reach for it. The pain went through him again and Hoffman had drawn blood.

Yet when he stood up again, they were facing each other again, Hoffman in front of him and Strahm in front of Hoffman. But this time it was different. Both had their weapons pointed at the other.

They both swung at each other, but their looks said more than a thousand words. Hate and anger and yet in all this chaos, the smell of blood around them was like wild animals and excited them both.

Hoffman and Strahm both stepped closer to each other and Peter saw the other man run his bloody tongue over the gun.

The special agent's gun was stained and yet he knew he wanted to see it. ,,Fucking whore," the black-haired man muttered and saw the almost amused smile of Hoffman, who was still bleeding from the nose. He had often enough imagined seeing the other choking on his cock in front of him.

Taking him against the wall like a little bitch. But Hoffman also wanted to fuck Strahm's brains out in a machine and record the whole thing. To let his power rule and to show and give it to him over and over. It was more than just brutality. It was the desire for blood, violence and sex.

But Strahm kissed the end of Hoffman's weapon and mutilated it. ,,Like two wild dogs," Strahm said, almost laughing himself, had they not both pulled the trigger. They knew that as soon as they applied enough pressure with their fingers, the bullet would be fired.

They both slowly put more and more of it on the trigger. But when Strahm's blue eyes met Hoffman's, they both saw exactly that.

The need for violence and intimacy. The need for the other. Before they turned their gaze to the bloodied lips that seemed even more beautiful.

They collided and the kiss was between them. They were both completely absorbed in the pain and yet the weapons were still between them.

The pistols were at each other's lips on each other's chests. Feeling the racing heartbeat underneath and yet. When they both tasted each other's blood when the high point was between them and it seemed silent.

The rush of blood had stopped roaring in their ears and before they could dare to come down from their trip it was at that moment that two shots rang through the police station.

It wasn't the kiss they'd had seconds before. It was the kiss of the guns that spoke for them both. Strahm had finally shot Jigsaw and Hoffman had shot the man standing in his way.

But just as the bullets dug into their hearts, their kiss seemed to become more intimate and dissolve into a pool of blood.

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@a-reading-dreamer , @megustadilf , @misslavenderlady , @callmeklarise , @mysunfishpeedinmyroom

#sawtober #sawcember #saw #saw movies #mark hoffman #peter strahm #saw mark hoffman #saw peter strahm #coffinshipping #Spotify #hoffstrahm

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iro-rautatiski · 7 months

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The History of Ruin's Heir

What's "Ruin's Heir"?

Ruin's Heir is a fantasy comic, published at ComicFury by me.

After the gateway to the realm of death has been shattered, the balance of the world has been disturbed, slowly being eaten away by the deadly matter know as "the ruin". Vervain, a young wolf, finds that he has a deep connection to the Grimgrove and its ruin. In order to prevent the inevitable, he must find his True Name.

First page was published 9th April 2023, but the history of this story goes way back to the year 2011. I have now written some of it down, mostly for myself, but if you have found yourself curious and want to give it a read, I welcome you with warmth.

Nemorosa and Vervain

2011 - Parantajan oppipoika

The beginning

At this point in my life I had spent about three years watching YouTube animated series about dogs.

I also did create my own series, several, even before this one, but never published those anywhere, and sadly I do not have them anymore. 2010 December I got my very first own computer, and I got absolutely hog-wild with the new-found freedom of interwebs.

At the age of 12, I finally created my very own YouTube account.

I of course had to create my very own dog (or in this case, wolf) series. I pulled out my trusty MsPaint, and started to work without too much thought about the plot, or anything.

Just wanted to do something, probably came up with the designs at the spur of the moment too.

Juniper and Vervain

The series was called Parantajan oppipoika, until I changed the name to Apprentice, thinking that... English is cool? I don't think though that I ever succesfully released an episode with the new name, so Apprentice didn't really stick. So Parantajan oppipoika it is.

The series had 2 finished apisode, third one was left unfinished.

Which sounds kinda underwhelming. But despite its short visit at the time, Parantajan oppipoika would leave a mark in my heart that was waiting for its next opportunity to shine.

Story

Vervain, young member of the wolf pack, dreams nothing more than being a healer's apprentice. When the day comes that the pack's healer, Clover, chooses her apperentice, Vervain is very excited and hopeful about the end result. But he is left dissapointed, when instead of him, his friend Dandelion is chosen. Some days after the ceremony, Vervain notices that Dandelion seems very tired and absent, barely responding when he asks her anything. Without his knowledge, Dandelion has been suffering from the nightmarish visions she started to get after she was appointed as a healer's apprentice. Next evening, Vervain follows a raven, who guides him to find Dandelion at the forest, killed by a bear. Clover blaming herself, believes this was a sign that her decision was a mistake, and appoints Vervain as her new apprentice.

Poor Dandelion...

Inspirations

At the time, I have just got into Warrior Cats, and it was also very clear with Parantajan oppipoika. Pack's structure, nature themed names, and concept of the healer all came from there. I also remember that Vervain's name was taken straight from Watership Down, from the character with the same name.

Videos etc.

Not much material is left from this time, which is a big shame for me personally, as I would love to see the first 2 episodes again.

Though, some materials are still intact, and I'll cherish them.

The first opening of Parantajan oppipoika.

youtube

To this very day I still associate this song to Ruin's Heir. Kinda hoping that someday I could animate something to it...

Unfinished "new" opening

youtube

I remember being very, very proud of this one. And honestly, good for you, 12-13 years old Iro, you indeed did good. I think the development between these two openings are visible already.

Unfinished episode 3

(with a placeholder music, I think the original had The Lion King music), pretty short, but oh... the relic....

I think this is all I have to say about the first version of this story, for now.

Hassireeee, Veervain

2013 - Hour of the Wolf

The resurrection

Parantajan oppipoika went to the slumber for time being, and I didn't finish episode 3. If I remember right, I didn't do much with these characters after cancelling the series.

But, in 2013 they returned. I started to work on the reboot, called "Hour of the Wolf"

I literally forgot it was called that. Anyways.

I must admit that I don't remember much specifics from this era, I found an outline for the planned episodes so nevermind about not remembering.

Once again, I was planning on making an animated series, but this time with less success than before. Not a single episode were finished.

But looking at the outline, there was a plan for 16 episodes in total.

Some aspects from 2011 version were kept, but some were also dropped. Vervain didn't want to be a healer anymore, and whole concept of healers seemed to be absent from this version in general. Instead story now focused more on the relationship between Vervain ja Raven, and also war that our main pack, Tyrmäinen, was having with "Bonefangs" pack.

Even though a lot has changed since this version of the story, it did an important groundwork for its future. A lot characters that exits nowadays, were created back then. Even some plot points, though with drastic changes, have stayed in some form.

Sedum and Bracken

Goldenrod, Bracken, Nuphar (down), Sedum, Woundwort, and Majalis

Characters

Sedum and Bracken were old faces from the 2011, but most of the pack's youngsters were created 2013. Nuphar, Pillwort, and Majalis are still part of the cast today. Twins Woundwort and Golderod were part of the story for a long time before being cut 2022.

Vervain and Raven

Vervain bond with ravens was now strengthened. Especially with this one raven, who was also his father's old Guardian, and only thing that the villain, Elder, was truly afraid of. Raven's characterization, and purpose for the story has changed several times after this, but presence of the Raven has been kept strong ever since.

Story

After the death of Dandelion, Vervain finds an injured wolf named Juniper. She is taken in, and she warns the pack about approaching rival pack, Bonefangs, who she also was part of formerly. After the presence of bonefangs has been made known, security measures are tightened, and atmosphere in the pack gets heavy. At the same time, Vervain meets Raven, who seems to be his, and unknowingly to him, his deceased father's Guardian. War between the two wolf packs goes on, until tragedy strikes the pack, and it's rumored that among them there's a traitor…

Elder, Vervain, and Raven

As I'm reading this outline now, I'm thinking "damn, I really did read Harry Potter back then didn't I?"

Some of the plotlines were almost straight from there...

Videos

Unfinished opening

youtube

Unfinished episode (I think)

youtube

Didn't get far, but cool.

2015 - Kaarnen Herra

The new era

I still quite like this name I had. It's translated "Lord of the Raven", and I pretty much got it from Lord of the Rings. Good naming technique I would say.

Apparently I started to do reboots every two years.

Once again, I wanted to make a youtube animated series. Because I never learn.

Though this time I learned a little bit, and opted out from making a fully animated series, and instead used minimal amount of pictures. Episode 1 was still left unfinished, because the workload still didn't fit me.

Nemorosa and Vervain

This is probably when this story started to have more online presence. I'm still surprised when people leave a comment somewhere and actually know Vervain's name off the bat.

Even thought this is probably the point where magic wolves' hold over my brain capacity got stronger than ever before, it's also the era where I feel I made my biggest mistake and regret with this story. It was when I put feathers on their heads, unknowingly enforcing racist stereotypes about native people.

I always struggled to find justification lore-wise for why they even had those, so when I finally realized and decided that this whole thing actually comes from a very harmful place, and should be removed, I myself felt very relieved.

This is the time in my life I did a lot drawings and videos about Kaarnen Herra, but I can't say that I would feel comfortable sharing all of it so freely nowadays.

Story

Life at Tyrmänkä's pack has been ever so peaceful, until a weird strom rises. Vervain notices that this has made his friend Dandelion restless, and when he sees that she has went to the forest alone, he follows. Vervain stumbles on to the scene, when Dandelion is trying to bind down an angered spirit, costing her life. Spell however has got its hold on Vervain too, and slowly it rips more and more away his life. One way to save his own life would be to void the spell and release the spirit, but that would possibly cost his pack's life if done so. Luckily, helpful Raven and a stoat named Portimo wants to help him to find another way to save himself...

Vervain and Bracken

Characters

This version brought many new characters, but for this I wanted to showcase these two selectet characters, which I feel have been more influential. Portimo and Tormentil.

Tormentil and Portimo

Portimo

At first there was supposed to be three stoats, capable of merging into one big stoat monster, but at some point, three turned into just one character. (Stoat monster was however apparently kept at least some time after this, for some reason.)

I can't remember where the idea of having a villanous small stoat came from, but I thank the past me of this. Nowadays it's hard to think of this story without Portimo.

Portimo changed a lot tings about the plot, and was even some sort of main villain of the series. Kuilunka, formerly Bonefangs, then became more sympathetic, although still antagonistics.

His name by the way is just a old finnish name for stoats. So his name is just Stoat 👍

Tormentil

Tormentil is a mix of old and new, as her intial inspiration came way back from 2011, from Parantajan oppipoika.

Back then Elder (who was named Vomitflower back then.... I have found no proof that such flower exists, but it might be inspired by the plant called ipecacuanha).

Anyways, Elder/Vomitflower had a sidekick, whose trope was "even more sadistic than the boss". Back then her name was Cactus-spike.

Cactus-spike got a massive overhaul designwise, and a new name, since I didn't want these wolves to know what cacti are. She pretty much became a new character, but fullfilling the same initial role as previously.

Her role also grew a lot from what I originally planned, mostly because I got a such positive feedback from her, and I wanted to utilize her potential more.

Videos

Opening

youtube

Unfinished episode 1

youtube

2019 - Goodbye animation

Finally I came to the conclusion that I can't work on this story in form of animation, and instead decided to try dip myself back into the wolrd of comics.

And by back I mean that I used to do a lot comics when I was 7-12 years old, but stopped working on those after getting more into doing animations instead.

There were actually two tries, before I started to publish pages publicly. First one I treated more like a test from the beginning, to see how it feels to work on the comic.

Page 1. Ohto Page 2. Nemorosa and Vervain

End result was: It felt pretty nice. My confidence towards this new approach grew, and decided that this would be something I wanted to try in the long run.

I stopped this first run after 12 pages, reworked some aspects of the story, and started to work on the real deal.

But I clearly still had some things to learn....

2020 - Setback

The plot got very big changes, with the threat of the apocalypse looming over the characters now. As I wanted to strengthen to conflict within the world, and make it affect the characters.

With these new additions, some new characters were also brought in (or old ones totally reworked).

Everhalo and Ruinkeeper

New characters

Raven's character got a total overhaul. Now instead of being Vervain's companion, she became the Spirit of death, and was named Ruinkeeper.

This change also later contributed to why story's name was renamed Ruin's Heir (or the finnish name, Kalman lapsi). As I felt that no one would feel any lordiness over this Raven anymore, so I felt that it didn't fit anymore.

With the Spirit of death, there was also added Spirit of life, Everhalo. Who seems to have his own agenda in the grand scheme of things.

I worked on the first chapter, year had passed already and the chapter was close to the finish line.

I had done 34 pages, but finishing the last 7 pages felt too much.

Tormentil, Elder, and Ruinkeeper

I believe that I did a mistake in complicating the backgrounds for the actual comic. Instead of doing a lined work like I did back in my first version, I tried to give it more painted look. So now it didn't feel so good to do anymore, and I felt like I had to do something differend...

So I did what you're always told to not to do when working on comics, and started over.

2022- Ruin's Heir

This is the version I finally started to publish to ComicFury.

The scene did had some chages, but the basic idea was kept same. Tormentil needs to kill Ruinkeeper.

Some pages were reused, and the color palette kept same.

Tormentil, Elder, and Ruinkeeper

I do count this and the previous version of chapter 1 in the same era, as the actual story has no big changes made between these.

Two characters had redesigns though, Elder and Vervain

Elder (old and new)

Vervain

Changing Vervain's design especially felt like I was about to do a crime. But just how with the name change, I just felt that his older design didn't work with his character anymore. Even though I had grown very attached to it.

Luckily, I can say that I'm now quite happy with his design.

The End

At this very moment I'm writing this paragraph, I'm working on the chapter two, with the last six pages work in progress. So far my feelings toward making this comic has been very positive, and it's one of the rays of joy that I have at the moment.

I admit it's one my fears that what if someday I'm not able to work on it anymore? But I guess it's no use to worry too much about the future, while still having this very moment at the hand.

Will I change my mind about this comic in two years? Could be plausible, when looking at my past set records of reboot after reboots. But it's okay, and I'm trying to follow my principle, which pretty much is "follow your heart, it's yours after all".

#Youtube #oc #rambles #ruin's heir #long post

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anika-ann · 2 years

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Love on the Brain - sneak peek chapter 6.1

Warnings: drama, mentions of stalking, and a CM surprise 🥰

You heard the call disconnect, the frozen room coming back to life judging by the shuffling. You looked to your right when you felt Steve’s large hand gently curling around your fist, summoning a smile for him – albeit a lame one.

He needed your head in the game; he needed a supportive friend who’d have his back. Not a weepy shaking weakling. He needed this crazy-ass delusional stalker gone so he could go back to his normal life as soon as possible. He needed a professional BAU agent.

And you were going to give him exactly what he deserved; even if his deep blue eyes told you he would accept anything less than that too.

Loosening your fist, you squeezed his hand shortly before dropping it and rising to your feet.

“We need to get moving. Spence-“ you turned to him, already seeing him making his way to the board to take notes of what you just learned. “Thanks.”

“What’s the game plan?” Emily asked no one in particular, but automatically turned to Hotch, the team leader. “This is a clear escalation. Two contacts in two days. Less personal touch, but more defined threat of violence towards the women and somehow… more protective of Steve too.”

“I agree. We need to get the NYPD on this, or your agents,” he beckoned to Tony and Natasha, naturally leaving out Steve – the subject of the case – out of the action. Even if the subject appeared much less shell-shocked than you felt; he probably was, because you were in love with a reckless idiot. “The women for questioning shouldn’t arrive alone.”

“On it,” Natasha chipped, exchanging a look with Tony, walking to his computer to choose from the most trustworthy – hopefully trustworthy – agents.

Your heart hammered against your ribcage wild at the thought: hopefully trustworthy. The circle of truly trusted people became absurdly short after yesterday – the most trusted people were in this room. And they needed to stay here.

You knew it made you the biggest asshole in the world but you were just fine with the Avengers and the BAU being exclusively around Steve. You wished no harm to anyone, but if it came down to Steve or some random woman… as much as you’d give everything to protect all, you had your priorities straight.

The person you cared about the most was here, safe, and it had to stay that way.

Momentarily lost in thought, you barely registered the dialling tone from the phone in Hotch’s hand. However, you certainly heard the voice on the other end.

“You called the hot line. Would you like to talk to someone special?”

For the second time that morning, all noise and movement in the room stopped, only the startled faces of the Avengers snapping to the source of the peculiar greeting that could only be a misdial.

Your gaze flickered between all of them – your former colleagues clearly stiffening a laugh, Hotch’s eyes closing as he realized his mistake of putting the phone on speaker right away – and despite everything, you burst out laughing, the action incredibly liberating.

-.-.-

I apologize to non-CM readers, but I simply had to share... maybe itwill make someone smile this weekend 😘

School is eating me up, but I’m trying here...

#fanfiction #love on the brain sneak peek #bau agents reader #former bau agent reader #steve rogers x reader #anika ann

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bedobedo-kincare-archived · 2 years

Photo

@citizenoftmrrwlnd said: hello! i can’t remember if i already requested, ignore this if it’s a duplicate! could i request a stimboard for a noncanon red addison (deltarune)? maybe with the color red, webcore or old computers, cities, and hand stims?

thank you so much! no worries if you don’t do this. /gen :) [kin, center image by @citizenoftmrrwlnd]

hello! this board was really fun to look for stims for, i hope you like it!

credits: 🟥 🟥 🟥 | 🟥 🟥 | 🟥 🟥 🟥

- mod albedo

#come into being! ; request complete #red addison kin #deltarune kin #addison kin #deltarune stimboard #fictionkin stimboard #fictkin stimboard #fictionkin #fictkin #tw hands #tw flashing #/just in case the computer gifs are too wild

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ssa-montgomery · 3 years

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'Cause You Can Be The Beauty, And I Could Be The Monster

Word Count: 4674

Summary: Y/N teases Hotch over a four-day case and she gets exactly what she wants when they arrive back at Quantico.

Characters: Hotch x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Smut, Dom/Sub, light BDSM, blow jobs, vaginal sex, office sex, desk sex, authority kink

A/N: So while I used some of the prompts from the request list this actually wasn't a request. My imagination just ran wild and this is what we ended up with! I'm actually pretty happy with how this turned out and it's the longest smut fic I've written! I hope you all enjoy it and feel free to leave me some more Hotch requests :D

Prompts: "If we get caught I'm blaming you." "Say my name again."

Feedback is what motivates me to work so please let me know what you think! Reblogs are also greatly appreciated.

Taglist is open!

Masterlist

"Come in and close the door." You heard Hotch's commanding voice call out as you knocked against the door to his office. The door was already opened just a crack and you slipped inside shutting it fully behind you. The only sound in the room was the click of the lock and your heels on the floor as Hotch remained silent. He kept his eyes down not even looking up from the case file in front of him as you shifted awkwardly, holding you in the suspense of what was about to happen.

The team arrived back from a case just an hour before and you had barely settled in at your desk to start your write up and paperwork when your computer screen lit up with a notification. You opened it to see an email from Hotch, a brief one with the only information being that you two "needed to talk." Normally an email like that would panic you but this time, you knew exactly what he meant by that. If anything you were surprised he hadn't called you into his office as soon as you arrived back from the airstrip.

The case you just worked on went on for four days and on the first night you came up with an idea. There was something you'd been wanting to try with Hotch for a while now but you were yet to ask him about it, afraid that he would turn the idea down. You spent the following days on the case teasing him in every way you knew how hoping he would finally give you what you'd been wanting. Now walking into his office with the door closed behind you and his blinds already drawn you were almost certain he would.

The two of you had been dating for months now but you were still keeping it a secret from the rest of the team for now. With them unaware you usually kept things professional at work, only spending time together on the jet while the others slept or busied themselves with work and in the hotel at night to keep it subtle but this time was different. You wanted to see what kind of a reaction you could get out of Hotch if you pushed the limits, pushing down every button you knew he had as you tested his authority at every chance you could. You let your more bratty side show as you argued with him over parts of the profile you disagreed with, ignoring his warnings to keep your attitude in check. It was obvious on the flight home that it had worked. You'd never seen him as worked up and frustrated as he was on that flight.

Hotch finally glanced up from his work, his head tilting slightly to the side seemingly surprised at your now suddenly polite and well-behaved attitude. You smiled sweetly at him when he finally met your eyes, acting as if you didn't know why you were there. He let out a sigh and threw the pen he was holding down onto his desk, running his hand down his face.

"I think you know what this is about Y/N." He said keeping his voice professional as he spoke but you could hear the clear tone of annoyance underneath. You knew this was all part of Hotch's game too, feeding into what he knew you wanted from him. If your behaviour over the last few days had truly annoyed him in a professional sense he would have told you so. Boundaries were set at the beginning of your relationship and you would never push him too far. Especially not at work, it was too big of a risk to jeopardise your work. "Your behaviour and attitude over the past few days have been simply unacceptable."

"I'm sorry Sir." You dropped your voice and nodded letting your eyes fall to the floor to avoid his disappointed gaze. It was you that first brought up the idea of adding a dominant and submissive aspect to your relationship one night while you were discussing your interests. Hotch was unsure at first, afraid that he would push you further than you were comfortable with but once you assured him that nothing he did could ever make you feel uncomfortable - and if he did you would always let him know immediately - the role came naturally to him. After all, he spent all day every day in a position of power over others and respect at work so bringing it into your personal life hadn't been a drastic change.

"An apology isn't good enough, I expect to see a drastic change from now on," Hotch stated firmly, a sharp edge to his voice. He pushed his chair out from under his desk and stood up then. You waited for a moment to see if he would move towards you but he remained exactly where he was, leaning forward slightly with his hands planted on his desk.

"Of course, I'll do better." You assured him with a nodded before turning towards the door to leave the room. You purposefully didn't respond to him the way you knew he wanted you to, hoping it would be enough to finally break his resolve and get him to make a move. You smirked to yourself as you took your time in opening the door, closing your hand around the handle and waiting a second before you twisted it open. You only managed to pull it open a few centimetres before Hotch was behind you slamming it closed. You spun around at the sudden movement and were met with the sight of him towering over you as he stood directly behind you. He had one hand still on the door stopping you from moving, essentially pinning you against the door. You could see the hungry look in his eyes as he stared you down, his eyes dragging up and down your body as he dropped his hand behind you to lock the door.

"What was that?" He questioned, taking another step, moving in even closer forcing you backwards until your back hit the door. Your breath hitched in your throat as you felt his fan out across your neck when he spoke.

"I promise I'll be good Sir." You corrected yourself starting at him through your thick lashes. You'd suspected that Hotch had an authority kink since you started dating him. You'd noticed that his expression would change every time you referred to him in a professional manner at work but it wasn't until one night that you jokingly called him sir while teasing him and you saw his reaction that you knew for sure. Even now you could see his eyes darken as he reacted to your words and whatever little self-restraint he had managed to hold onto disappeared.

He leaned forward then, closing the gap between you as his chest pressed flush against yours and he finally, finally kissed you. It was a rough, demanding kiss. His hands gripped at your hips trying to pull you impossibly closer to you, the grip hard enough that you were certain it would bruise if you didn't have the barrier of your skirt. He brought one hand up to hold your chin tugging slightly as he urged you to open your mouth to his demanding tongue. You gave in and parted your lips, letting out a small moan when he slid his tongue into your mouth. This was everything you had wanted the whole time you were away on the case and more. All you wanted more than anything was to hand your control over to Hotch. To let him dominate you while he reminded you of how good he could make you feel and made you forget every bad thing that happened while you were at work.

Hotch pulled you from your thoughts as his head dipped downwards, focusing his attention onto your neck instead. He started by pressing his lips to the sensitive spot behind your ear before moving to nip at the skin just below your jaw, lapping his tongue over the red mark to soothe the slight sting. He moved downwards until he reached your collarbone, repeating the process as he did leaving a path of red marks in his wake as he did. You knew exactly what he was doing. Whenever he got worked up like this he always left hickeys across your skin where he knew it would be visible to others as a sign that you were his, and only his.

"You know what," He started as he lifted his head, leaning in so his mouth was right next to your ear. The combination of his low, gravelly voice and his hot tone sent a shiver straight down your spine. You rested your head against his shoulder, listening as he spoke. "Since you've decided to run that pretty little mouth of yours all week, why don't we put it to good use hmm?"

You quickly nodded your head and detangled yourself from Hotch's grip as he stepped away from you. You watched him walk back towards his desk and start to move his name plaque and files away from the middle of the desk. Once it was clear he sat down on the edge and beckoned you over as he raised a questioning eyebrow. Grinning at him you finally pushed yourself away from the door and followed him to the desk. You leaned in and pressed one final heated kiss to his lips before you dropped to your knees in front of him. You ran your hands up and down his thighs before glancing up at him with a spark in your eyes.

He reached out and cupped your cheek in your hand, moving his thumb to run across your lips tugging lightly at your bottom lip. You held his gaze as you stuck our tongue and let it run across the pad of his thumb. His hands were calloused from years of working with guns but his touch was always gentle against your skin. Hotch watched you as you let your eyes fall closed and leaned forward to suck gently on his thumb. Only a taste of what was to come. After a minute he pulled his thumb out of your mouth, running it across your lips one last time before he took his hand away completely and let you focus your attention back on what you both really wanted.

Reaching out you grasped his belt buckle, taking your time as you opened it and pulled it painstakingly slow through each loop of his pants. Once it was off you tossed it aside and focused your attention on his fly instead. Hotch lifted his hips as you unzipped it and helped you pull his pants down his legs until you could discard them to the side of the desk. His erection strained against his boxers and you reached your hand out to ghost across him through the material. You watched the way his stomach muscles tensed at the sensation and you did it again and again, teasing him just to see the way his body reacted to your touch. He twisted his hand into your hand then and pulled, tilting your head back to meet his eyes. His eyes were heavy with lust but you could see that familiar warning look in them too.

"Don't tease me, sweetheart." He warned, punctuating his words by tightening his grip on your hair ever so slightly. You groaned at the feeling, loving the slight pain that shot through you with it.

"I'm sorry Sir." You grinned finally moving to pull down his boxers once he released his grip on your hair. Once you got them to his ankles he kicked them off in the direction his pants had landed in and returned his hand to its position on the back of your head. He didn't try to move your head to force you closer, didn't abuse his power in the situation, instead, he just let his fingers tangle into your hair offering a reassuring touch. It was yet another reminder of the power he held in this situation. If he decided he wanted to, he could take control at any moment. You wouldn't admit it but the idea of it excited you.

You pressed your lips against his stomach starting your slow descent downwards. You kissed all across his stomach until you eventually reached his hips. You moved across then finally focusing your attention on his cock. You wrapped your hands around the base and ran your tongue across the underside, listening to the hiss he let out at the contact. You felt his fingers instinctively reflex against your skull, tightening his grip and the feeling made you hum against him. You took your time as you kissed your way up to the tip, occasionally poking your tongue out to pay attention to the areas that got more of a reaction out of Hotch.

You lifted your eyes to watch his face for a reaction as you finally wrapped your lips around him, taking the head into your mouth. His eyes snapped shut and you smirked when you heard the broken gasp that fell from his mouth when you took more of him into your mouth. You loved knowing that it was you that made him feel this good. That you were the only one who could break down his walls and show his vulnerability like this.

You let Hotch guide you, letting the pace as the hand on the back of your head finally moved gently urging your forward. You pushed forward taking inch by inch until he suddenly released his grip and moved his hand to cup your cheek instead when he pushed too hard making you gag around him. You took a moment to ground yourself before leaning your head into his hand reassuring him that you were fine, he hadn't hurt you. You took a deep breath through your nose, blinking away the tears that pricked at the corners of your eyes and push forward again, finally taking his full length into your mouth.

"Oh, fucking hell." He groaned as he felt himself hit the back of your throat. His head tipped back as his free hand closed around the edge of the desk, his grip of tight his knuckles turned white. "You feel so good, you're taking it so well for me. Just relax sweetheart, that's it."

Hearing the praise from Hotch made you smile against his skin as you finally start to bob your head, going slowly at first to adjust to the feeling before you found a rhyme that worked for both of you. Blunt nails scratched across your scalp as you started to suck around him and Hotch lost himself in the pleasure. With how serious and quiet he was at work you would never have expected that he could be this vocal in bed but you could hear his harsh breaths and occasional moans above you. You started to run your tongue across the head on every upward movement and you could feel the effect it was having on him as he drew closer to the edge.

"Y/N I'm gonna- I'm getting close." He warned but his words came out breathy as he let out a harsh groan of your name. He tugged your hair trying to pull you back a little as a warning instead.

You nodded your head, or at least as best you could in your current position to let him know you'd heard him but instead of pulling away, you picked up your pace, moving your head faster as you squeezed his thigh to encourage him to let go. Hotch wouldn't always finish in your mouth when you went down on him but this last case kept you apart for too long and you needed him close in every way he could get him. It only took another few bobs of your head and well-timed licks of your tongue for Hotch to cum as you swallowed around him. He moaned your name as you pulled off of him and nuzzled back into his hand.

" That was so fucking hot." Hotch practically growled once he caught his breath again and pulled you up from your knees. He wrapped his arms around your waist and let his hands wander over your ass as he kissed you deeply. He could taste himself on your lips as he ran his tongue along your bottom lip and he groaned out at the taste. He stayed like that for a moment, kissing you while he groped at any inch of skin he could get his hands on. "I think you deserve a reward for taking that so well, don't you?"

"Yes, please yes." You gasped against his lips as he pulled away from the kiss. Feeling him fall apart under your mouth had left you wanting him even more than when you first walked into his office. You could feel your heart speed up, hammering against your ribs at the idea of what Hotch was going to do to you.

"What do you want? Use your words and tell me." He asked leaning in close to nip at your ear lob as he spoke. For a moment your mouth couldn't keep up with your thoughts as you tried to tell Hotch what you wanted but all that came out were gasps and broken syllables.

"Fuck me. Please Sir I need you. Need you inside me." You whined, practically begging as you finally got the words out. You reached out then and started to push his jacket off his shoulders, needing as little barriers between you as you could get in his office. You got the jacket off and discarded it behind the desk, not caring where it landed. Hotch stood up then, flipping you both around so it was now you with your lower back pressed against the desk.

"Get on the desk, spread your legs for me." He said standing back to watch as you hopped up onto the desk and spreading your legs apart wide enough for him to step between them, making your skirt ride further up your thighs. He stepped between them and started down at your legs as he ran his hands up the bare skin until he reached the edge of your skirt. He pressed forward letting his fingers dip underneath just enough to skim over your thighs before he turned his attention to your shirt instead.

He reached for the first button and started to pop them open one by one until he got frustrated at how long it was taking and instead just pulled it open enough to palm at your breasts. You moaned out at that and the sound only encouraged Hotch to drop his head to kiss across the exposed skin over the cups of your bra while his fingers worked at your nipples until they hardened under his touch. The feeling coursed through your body settling between your legs as your hips bucked up at the sensation but Hotch dropped a hand down to pin your thigh in place against the desk, stopping you from moving again.

"Please, please I need you to touch me." You whispered in his ear, keeping your voice soft with that needy tone you knew he could never resist. You needed him to relieve some of the pressure building between your legs before actually lost your mind. Finally, he pushed your skirt up the rest of the way and hitched it over your hips, trailing his fingers across the front of your black, lace panties.

"So wet." He murmured against your chest, the words vibrating against your skin. "Is this all for me?"

"Yes, yes it's all for you." You nodded starting to ramble as you grasped at his wrist to keep his hand where you wanted it. He pressed his fingers in closer, toying with your clit, teasing you through your panties before he took his hands away just as you were finally getting what you wanted. You bucked your hips against the empty air and cried out in frustration.

Hearing the disappointed noise you made as he pulled away was enough for him to finally give in to your request. He moved his hands back to your hips and hooked his fingers into either side of your panties and you lifted your hips to help him pull them down your legs. They were added to the growing pile of clothes on his office floor and he stepped back in between your legs. He took his cock in his hands and stroked himself a couple of times before lining up with your entrance as you wrapped your legs around his waist to draw him in closer. He moved his hips forward, finally pushing inside of you. His first thrust was slow as he let you tell him once you were ready.

"Aaron." You whimpered at the feeling of him finally being inside of you. You wouldn't lie, it was always better after you had been apart for a while and that was certainly true now. You threw your arms around his neck and kissed him, panting against his lips as your body adjusted to his size. You nodded then, the signal he needed to move.

"Say my name again." He whispered into your ear his voice heavy with lust at the sound of his name on your lips. He pulled his hips back, almost pulling out all the way before he thrust back into you again, reaching deeper this time.

"Aaron please." You moaned out louder this time. While Hotch had a thing for you calling him by his official titles he loved hearing you call him by his first name equally as much. If not even more. It was a rarer occurrence that you let it slip out, saving it only for your most intimate moments together. You loved seeing his whole attitude changed once you broke out his first name.

Once he was sure you were ready he started to speed up his thrusts, making you drag your hands across his back your nails scratching at his shirt. He pushed your thighs further apart, holding you open wider for him. You let him move your body how he wanted, loving how hot it felt to be fully exposed for him. Fully at his mercy. He changed his angle once he adjusted your thighs and it allowed his thrusts to reach deeper.

Every nerve in your body lit up at the sensation and the pleasure took control of your body, making you clench around him. Hotch gasped out at the feeling and he started pressing kisses against your shoulder to muffle his noises as he kept adjusting his angle with each thrust, searching until finally-

"There! Right there." You all but screamed out as Hotch found what he was looking for and hit your g-spot. You dropped your head to his shoulder moaning with each thrust until Hotch caught your mouth in a kiss, silencing you.

"Careful sweetheart, we wouldn't want the rest of the team to hear you out in the bullpen now would we?" He teased breathing the words out against your ear. It was an empty threat and you knew it. Everyone else had left for the night before you ever walked into Hotch's office but still the idea of being caught, of having Hotch fuck you somewhere you knew you could be caught excited you. It was exactly what you had been wanting but was afraid Hotch wouldn't agree to with the fear of being caught.

"Of if we get caught I'm blaming you." You tried to laugh at your half attempt at a threat but it came out breathless as Hotch thrust into you again and the movement forced another moan from you.

"I think we both know who's idea this really was, we both know you love the idea of being a whore in the office where everyone can hear," Hotch growled out moving his mouth to nip at your jaw.

You could feel yourself being driven crazy at his words, you loved it when Hotch let himself out and lost control of his words, occasionally whispering filth into your ear. His pace started to quicken as you both drew closer to your orgasms. Your head tipped backwards, your limbs wrapped around Hotch's body the only thing keeping you upright as gasps and moans started to fall from your lips more frequently and you closed your eyes fully basking in the feeling. Hotch leaned over you, slowly lowering you down until your back met the hardwood of his desk. You moved your hands from around his shoulders to find something, anything to grip onto on his desk.

Hotch straightened up and slid his hands across your stomach until they came up to rest on your breasts. This time he pulled down the cups of your bra to get access to them, finally pressing skin against skin. He leaned in again and dropped his mouth to take a nipple into his mouth, lapping his tongue across the surface before he sucked hard. He cupped your other breast in his hand and rolled the nipple between his fingers feeling the way your chest rose and fell rapidly against him. You buried your fingers into his hair and moaned out your approval, glancing down to see the look of concentration on his face as his tongue switched to drawing tight circles around you.

You couldn't take much more with him driving your body higher like this. Everything felt like it was both too much and not enough all at once as you reached out blindly trying to touch any part of his you could. Eventually, you settled on digging your nails into his shoulder blades. You opened your mouth to warn him that at this rate you wouldn't last much longer but all that came out was a broken cry of his name. It seemed that it was still enough for him to get the message as he brought his free hand down between your bodies and started to rub circles around your clit.

That was all it took for you to cum, your whole body tensed as your hips bucked off the desk and you let out a loud moan. Hotch kissed you roughly, nipping at your lips as he continued to fuck you through your orgasm, swallowing your whimpers of his name and curses. Once you regained some of your composure you ran a hand down his back, whispering words of encouragement as he chased his own release.

It didn't take much longer for him to follow you over the edge, cumming inside of you as he groaned out your name. He reached a hand out a hand to brace himself against the desk so he didn't crush you with his weight slumping forward on top of you. You stayed like that for a moment, Hotch pressing kisses against your neck as your both struggled to catch your breath again. Eventually, he moved backwards, pulling out and you whined at the loss. He stood up properly and held a hand out to you and helped you sit back up on the desk once you took it.

"Was that close to what you had been imagining all week?" Hotch teased pulling you in for a soft kiss, a completely different feeling to the other kisses you shared so far. "Or should I say all month because I know you've been wanting me to fuck you in here for ages."

"Oh so much better." You grinned, chuckling against his lips. "Please tell me we can do this again."

"Anything for you. Come on, get cleaned up and we'll head home, maybe if you're good we can pick this up back in the bedroom." He said nosing at your jaw as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a tight hug.

Taglist: @marauder-level-chaos

#criminal minds fics #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds family #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fic #criminal minds #x reader #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner fanfic #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner x reader #criminal minds smut #aaron hotchner smut #aaron hotchner x reader smut

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blueathens · 3 years

Text

The Girl Who Wears A Mask

ACT 1, SCENE 7

𝖲𝗈𝗇𝗀: 𝖠𝖿𝗋𝖺𝗂𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝖭𝖾𝗂𝗀𝗁𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗁𝗈𝗈𝖽 𝖰𝗎𝗈𝗍𝖾: "𝖶𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗇𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍𝗆𝖺𝗋𝖾𝗌?"

𝖳𝖶: 𝖬𝖾𝗇𝗍𝖺𝗅 𝖧𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗍𝗁, 𝖬𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗈𝖿 𝖠𝖻𝗎𝗌𝖾 & 𝖲𝗎𝗂𝖼𝗂𝖽𝖾 & 𝖶𝖺𝗋 & 𝖣𝗋𝗎𝗀𝗌

Masterlist//Dusk Till Dawn Masterlist//Agape Masterlist

THIRD POV

"How much sleep have you been having?"

Sleep: A condition of body and mind that typically recurs for several hours every night, in which the nervous system is relatively inactive, the eyes closed, the postural muscles relaxed, and consciousness practically suspended.

Sleep, one of the most important things that the human body needs as it shuts down everything for your body to rest, to recharge from everything, to give you more energy to do things.

Not getting much sleep could lower your moods but it can also cause more life-threatening causes such as diabetes, obesity, and coronary heart disease. And one third of us suffers from poor sleep due from stress, computers and taking work home which can cause a lot of damage to the human body.

It is said that humans need about 8 hours of sleep to function properly, however some need more or less and a way to figure out if you're getting a lack of sleep is if you wake up and still be tired and longing for a nap.

There are cases where stress and other factors are not the only cause, health conditions such as sleep apnoea could be the cause, but usually its bad sleeping patterns.

If your body doesn't get enough sleep you will experience short tempers and lack of focus. An occasional night without sleep makes you feel tired and irritable the next day, it will also not cause any harm to your health. However, after several sleepless nights, the mental effects become serious. Your brain will fog up, making it difficult to concentrate and make decisions. Your mood will decrease, and you may fall asleep during the day. Injuries could become more frequent causing not just you but others harm too.

She's been sleeping many sleepless nights.

"Enough."

"Insomnia...we're afraid."

Insomnia: Habitual sleeplessness; inability to sleep. No matter how much you desire dreamland, it refuses your entry.

It's nights where you toss and turn, hoping for the sleep train to pick you up to take you to dreamland, but it never does, it drives straight pass you because you don't have a ticket to go. You left with a wild mind, forcing you to stay awake with countless of thoughts. You think about everything in your life, your friends, your family, your work, your dreams, your hopes, your achievements, the past, the present, the future, your pets, your problems, your feelings, your worries. You think and remember everything, even the things you don't want to remember. Your mind keeps you up with anything it can, and it will even bring in the memories you stashed away to gather up dust.

It's scary what your mind is capable of.

She can't sleep, her mind is constantly keeping her up, she tosses, and she turns, but she never sleeps, if she does it's not much.

"I can suggest herbal remedies such as lavender or pills-"

"No pills."

"I've read some things from previous records of yours and-"

"No pills."

"Try lavender."

"How long have these nightmares been happening."

Nightmares: A frightening or unpleasant dream.

She wakes up covered in sweat, screaming for help, and after it all she can't go back to sleep as she always sees the memories, her life, every time she closes her eyes. It keeps her up most nights, and she wished it didn't. It wasn't the monsters hiding in the dark that scared her anymore, it was the monsters that hid in her mind, playing every nerve like chord string, tickling her heart and heating her body up with nothing but fire.

"What nightmares?"

John Lennon once said: 'I believe in everything until it's disapproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?'

Who's to say nightmares aren't as real as our dreams? She knew her nightmares were real, very real indeed, she knew they were real as she lived them.

"Night terrors...we're afraid."

Nightmares is something that usually seen in children if adults have them not many of them talk about it, embarrassed that they can't stop the threatening scenes replaying like a broken record in your mind. You wake up screaming, drenched in sweat, heart pounding, mind racing, your flailing your arms about trying to fight the monsters that causing you this fear, the fear that makes you stay awake.

"I don't get nightmares...that's for children."

"Your Captain says otherwise...both of them."

"I don't work with one of them anymore."

"Your name is still on the list for emergencies."

"Yeah, key word, 'emergencies.'"

"Night terrors...we're afraid...What do you see?"

She sees memories of her life, memories she wanted to forget. She hears the rapid gunfire. She smells the dead corpses, and she remembers the war-cry faces on them. She sees and smells smoke, she feels the hits, the pain, the cries, the death, the feeling of nothing. Her mind shows it all and it feels so really, it's like she's living her life all over again...it's all so real. The muddy shoes, the baseball bat, the blood, she knows it all too. The sound of engines roaring, sirens blasting, crowds cheering, parents shouting, the tears, the agony, the doctors faces of sympathy. It was all there...it was all there like she was experiencing it all again.

"I don't get nightmares."

"PTSD."

PTSD: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

She was prepared to serve, to be injured, to die...but if someone told her what she was going to live with she would have chosen death than live with all the memories that haunts her.

It wasn't just from the serving though, it was the struggles of her life, constantly hunting her, playing itself on report like a broken record, screeching as it goes round and round...it was never going to end.

"It's never going to leave you."

It's all comes back in flashes.

"You know that, yes?"

Your living it every single moment of your life.

"Hmm-mmm."

"Your life has never been easy and it's okay to ask for help."

Everyone calls for help, but they all go silent and deaf when they scream for them, begging them to save them...but they rarely get to them in time before the chains pull them under the waves, causing every droplet of water into their lungs.

"I'm fine."

How much longer can you wear a mask before it shatters and everyone sees the truth?

"But-"

"I'm fine."

PTSD is not a chosen situation, or an illness, or a temporary condition nor is it 100% curable. PTSD does not mean you're crazy, dangerous, weak, failures, bad people.

"I'm afraid you're PTSD is complex."

C-PTSD: Occurs from traumas that build layers upon layers.

"You don't show it though...you hide it within yourself and-"

Mask are worn to hide the sadness that lurks inside you.

"Just stop."

They beg and beg, but no one listens.

"Isn't help what you wanted?"

No one understand how hard it is for them to tell them everything that goes inside their head.

"Not really, got forced into this like always."

"You need to talk to someone."

Why don't they understand?

"I'm fine."

"We're here to help, why won't you talk to us?"

"I'm fine."

Another crack decorated the mask.

"Depression."

Images of a small 10-year-old visiting different therapist and doctors, telling the parents that their child has depression, they questioned it, wondering why such a happy girl had such a terrible thing, but the girl just sat in silence allowing the voices to be background noises as she made images with the marks in the ceilings.

"Since you was 10, correct?"

Life is a beautiful tragedy.

"Suicide attempts-"

Don't bring up the history...it still haunts her.

"Stop."

Flashes of different times death nearly fell upon the girl, even if it wasn't suicide, she was always close to dying and every time she wished it would just take her away. Then maybe, just maybe she'll find peace.

"Diagnosed with a form of PTSD by the age of 22, correct?"

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"And here you are diagnosing me with a whole other list."

"There could be more, but you won't talk to us."

"I thought it was obvious why."

"We're here to help! Let us help you."

"I'm fine."

"Kasey what you suffered the other night was not nothing, it was a panic attack, a serious panic attack." Hen told her softly. "Have you spoken to your therapists?"

"They just make me sound sick."

"You're not sick." Hen quickly defended. "You're a girl who's been hit by life so many times."

"I just want my mind to rest."

"I know, honey." She looked at the slightly darken marks under her eyes. "I can't tell if those are the bruises or sleeping bags."

"I don't even know anymore."

"Have you been sleeping?"

"Coffee."

Hen sighed, shaking her head as she tapped Kasey budged with hers as she sat in front of her in the café.

"I told you no more coffee at the moment, it's not good for your health, especially if you're not sleeping."

"I never said I'm not sleeping."

"You choosing to have coffee states otherwise."

"It's called growing up."

"Growing up and Kasey Strand do not work well together." Hen chuckled lightly but Kasey could only respond with a fake smile, nodding slightly to what she said.

Life is complicated sometimes you can have a good night rest, other's you may not. Sometimes you feel completely fine like you can climb a mountain or run a marathon. Whilst on other days all you want to do is fall into a mountain of pillows and blankets to hide from the rest if the world.

And for some people they have more bad days than good.

And Kasey is and always has been one of those people. The people who can put on a mask to tell everyone their fine when in reality their not, they're really drowning, gasping for air, but the water just fills their lungs every time they scream for help. It's like a weight of chains dragging them down, causing them to go further and further into the great unknown. And they don't even fear the creatures that lurks in it, what they fear is how quickly they're losing air, how viciously their body is tingling, how numb their getting, how there is no way to escape.

"Are you sure you're okay Kas?"

Images of the memories that haunts her flickered through her mind.

Muddy shoes, princess, baseball bat, guns, death, bodies, drugs, alcohol, vehicles, hospital, shouting, dancing, punching, vases breaking...everything just came back once again.

"I'm fine."

Hen examined her, eyes racking up and down Kasey, a slight frown on her face as she took a sip of her drink. She noticed Kasey's eyes focused on something else behind her and Hen knew there was a blank wall behind her, meaning Kasey daydreamed out.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Hen eyed her Pain au Chocolat in front of Kasey with a raised brow, usually food would be desmolase with Kasey, Kasey snapped out of her thought with a shake of her head before looking back at Hen.

"Hmmm?"

"Your food." Hen nodded to her the food that hasn't be touched yet. "Are you not eating it?" She watched how Kasey eyes looked down at the plate, completely forgetting that it was there.

"Oh." She broke a piece of, it wasn't warm anymore but Kasey didn't mind. "I forget I ordered this." She placed a piece in her mouth before her eyes went back to the wall behind Hen.

"You're moving back into your place tonight?"

"Yeah." Kasey placed another bit into her mouth. "I feel bad for just crashing at Eddie's."

Hen hummed.

"You know he never cares, he loves having you there and so does Christopher."

"They might, but I'm Eddie's friend not family, those two deserve to have moments together as father and son."

"Always thinking about others before yourself."

Kasey examined the café once again, there was a couple by the window, a few students scattered here and there, two cops just walked in causing the bell to ring, Kasey blinked at hearing that sound as he eyes zoomed on it before moving to look at something else. A few elders were around, laughing at something their friends who sat with them said...the train just went past, the sound of rumbling and chugging was heard as it passed the café. And then there was three waiting staff and one cashier...but the waiting stuff took turns. And finally there was her and Hen having breakfast together, something they tried as much as possible, but today Kasey wasn't with it as her mask was slowly breaking.

"Why did my therapist talk to you all?" Kasey asked.

"I don't think they should have...but you're record was practically empty even though you've been to many before."

"Because I don't talk...it doesn't help me...it makes...it makes it worse." Kasey admitted quietly, eyes looking at her the table as her finger ran up and down it, her leg bounced up and down because this was the first time she sort of admitted that there was something go on. Hen leaned in to hear her more closely. "It's diagnose after diagnose...it hurting my head to much...it makes me sound sick."

"You're not sick." Hen reminded her.

"They want me to go on pills...I can't do that though."

Hen who nodded softly, thinking it was because of what happened to TK, reached her hand forward to hold Kasey's moving one, holding it still and making Kasey's eyes snapped to Hens.

"You might not want to talk right now...but we, the team and Athena are always here to listen to you, okay? You recently went through something traumatising and we just want you to heal."

But that's the thing it wasn't just because of Jordon and the many statements she had to fill for the cops causing her to remember everything more clearer, it wasn't because she has to go back to the apartment that now hold bad memories...it was just everything that happened in her life is finally catching up to her and Kasey can't process it all, she isn't strong enough to swim up to the surface to breathe...to get the fresh air her lungs desired.

"And if you need a break or-"

"Hen, I'm fine."

"So how's Maddie settling into her new place?" Kasey questioned Buck as she sponged down one of the vehicles outside

"Good...I think." Buck furrowed his eyebrows before looking up from the hose to his best friend. "Hey, thanks for coming to help yesterday."

"Course." A few moments later Kasey watched Buck walk off towards Taylor Kelly who just turned up with her camera men, watching Bobby walk off. Kasey sighed as she stared at camera from over the top of the car, wishing it wasn't there. Kasey dropped the sponge with another sigh before making her way towards Buck and she noticed how the grins on Taylor and cameraman became bigger at the sight of her...one of the firefighters who was also at the scene of the helicopter crash.

"Hey." Kasey waved and the cameraman responded with his own wave and a smirk as the camera moved up and down her. Eddie now made his way towards them from the gym and Kasey wanted to go now, she only came to tell Buck that he needed to finish his task with her, but of course he got distracted.

"Any side effects of the crash?" Eddie asked as he made his way to them, standing next to Kasey with his arms crossed, giving a slight glare at the cameraman before looking back at Taylor.

"I'm great." Taylor beamed and it screamed news reporter to Kasey so much, the constant smiles made her feel sick sort of, and Kasey knew she wanted out as quickly as possible, she faked a smile and slight nod when the camera pointed at her again. "Thanks to you all which is why I'm here. You guys were so amazing. I want to do a story on the firehouse and the heroes that work here."

Chimney and Hen now was listening to what Taylor was saying, slowing stopping their tasks at hand.

Eddie noticed Kasey's slight discomfort as the camera stayed on her, he stepped forwards slightly to cover a bit of view of her causing the camera to move back to Buck.

"Oh," Kasey shifted her weight to her other foot as her. "You really don't have to that...we're not that interesting."

"No you're not."

"Yeah, but you do traffic." Chimney pointed out.

"I'm not quite ready to go back in the sky, so I thought I'd try my hand at telling a story from the ground."

Hen jumped out of the ambulance, one hand still holding the window of the door as she gave a fake grin. "And use your newfound fame to put your face in front of the camera."

"That, too." Nodded Taylor.

"Smart girl."

"I can't wait to interview all of you. I want to know why you chose this job, the crazy things you've seen, what it's like to face death. I mean Howie, you almost died, right?" She turned to Chimney.

"Actually, nobody calls me that." He pointed his finger up as the camera faced him. "It's Chimney."

"I bet there's a story there."

"Hmm."

"Not one you can tell on TV." Hen said causing Taylor to chuckle softly.

"And Miss fan-favourite nearly died multiple times as well, epically recently right?" Taylor turned to face Kasey and Kasey rolled her shoulders back to realise some tension in them.

"It's part of the job." Kasey told her.

"Not with the one that happened about a month ago, what happened? What did the doctors say and-"

Eddie placed his hands on Kasey's shoulder guiding her away from the red head who was firing questions at her with the camera pointed at her. He took her all the way upstairs, far away from the camera and Taylor as possible.

"New couple alert?" Taylor smirked, raising her brows at the new-found gossip.

"Kasey and Eddie?" Chimney asked with a laugh. "They're just friends."

Buck and Hen gave each other a look.

Eddie was now in his uniform as he sat next to Kasey, both eating brownies and they both mentally groaned when they say Taylor and the cameraman making they were up the stairs.

"Remember, you don't have to answer anything you don't want." Eddie whispered in Kasey's ear as they both watched them from the sofa they were sitting on.

"Tell us about all this." Taylor asked looking at the food that was dotted round the kitchen and dining table.

"Oh. This table is all about the love." Chimney stated.

"Amen." Kasey cheered quickly, stuffing another brownie in her mouth.

"And the carbs." Chimney repeated, nodding slightly to what Buck just said as he stuffed a cupcake into his mouth.

Kasey didn't know how long it took Taylor to get to her, she knows she's talked to the other firefighters and tried to talk to Bobby, and now Kasey was training to find her escape route when she noticed Taylor heading towards her like a women on a mission.

"Everyone absolutely adores you Kasey."

Kasey knew this already due to the news that goes round and always wanting to question her. She also knows this by the awkward encounters she have when people notice her out and about, thanking her for all her service and everything, whilst Kasey just stood there, hands swinging in front of her as she gave them an awkward smile. She wasn't usually awkward but if people come up to you when you're not on shift it's kind of weird...she's not a celebrity or anything so why do they want to remember who she is? All she is doing is her job.

"I guess." Kasey shrugged, eyes cautiously looking at the camera, the camera man, Taylor then the room she was in...she was near the kitchen, and she noticed Bobby standing in the kitchen watching her carefully.

"You guess?" Taylor laughed.

"All I'm doing is my job." Kasey felt uncomfortable at the sight of Taylor's smiling face.

"On one of your calls you saved a-"

"KASEY!" A voice that belonged to Eddie Diaz yelled from downstairs. "I THOUGHT YOU WAS ROLLING THE FIREHORSE BACK UP! I NEARLY TRIPPED OVER IT!"

Kasey was puzzled for a moment, she knew she already put that away, so she wasn't sure what Eddie was talking about, until it hit her, he was helping her to get away from the camera.

"Oh..." Kasey gave an apologetic smile. "A firefighters job is never over." She swung her arm in front of her, it heading towards her other arm but not touching it, like in the of gesture of 'Oh-dear-wish-I-could-stay.'

"Captain Nash." Taylor travelled towards the kitchen whilst Kasey jogged down the stairs.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you." She threw her arms over Eddie, embracing him in a tight hug, he leaned back slightly causing the girl to step of her tiptoes to follow his movement, arms wrapped round her waist as he chuckled lightly.

"Constantly saving lives." Eddie squeezed slightly, Kasey not caring one bit if any of her bruises hurt her, they were going down more by the day and soon she be completely back to normal...physically.

She stepped back slightly, and Eddie's hands moved from her back to her hips, but they stayed there when he realised how close their faces were. His eyes flickered for a second down to her lips but before either one could even think what was happening the bell rang, causing them to step away from each other and clear their throats.

"Uh, thanks." Kasey nodded before walking towards the fire engine.

"Anytime." Eddie blushed, hand scratching the back of his neck as he watched her go for a second, before feeling Bobby pat him on the shoulder to tell him it's time to go.

"He's refusing help?" Kasey muttered standing next to Chimney. "This dude must be crazy or something if they don't want help to stop choking."

"Tell me about it." Chimney muttered back as they both walked together, following the rest of the team. Kasey rubbed her eyes causing her to flinch and hiss slightly in pain. "You alright?" He looked at her out the corner of his eye.

"Yeah, yeah...just kind of forgot about the bruises on my face."

Chimney looked more at her face, examining her injuries. "Should be gone soon, they look like their clearing up well."

"Joey Chestnut scarfed down 74 hot dogs in ten minutes at last year's Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest." Buck yelled over the crowds as he spoke to Eddie.

"Bet you could do that with those brownies earlier." Chimney chuckled lightly which Kasey shoved him in response with laughter of her own.

"They were good brownies...you should have tried some."

"Maybe later."

"Excuse me, sir, are you refusing care?" Bobby yelled to the man sitting at a table, crowd cheering him on in front of him.

He waved his hand, dismissing them, whilst a hissing noise came from somewhere under the cloth near Chimney and Kasey, they jumped back when the animal came out.

"Ah, geez!"

Chimney stumbled back into Bobby whilst Kasey stumbled into Eddie who caught her by her waist, keeping her stable so she didn't fall in front all these people.

"Whoa."

"Cute." Chimney muttered bitterly. "Is that thing yours?"

"I thought that was a dinosaur." Kasey sighed with slight relief, Eddie's hands still on her as they both stared at the Komodo Dragon. "Chim's right, it is cute."

"I think he was being sarcast-"

"That's Claude. He's the grand prize." The lady who was hosting this event said.

"All this for a lizard?" Kasey questioned just before the guy at the table threw up.

"Get 'em in, Get 'em in!" Bobby ordered as he and the team ran over to the man, pushing one another to go faster as they stepped on each other's heels. "Give us some room."

"Get this table and chairs out of here." Chimney waved his hand and Kasey was off doing what Chimney wanted.

"That means you guys, too." Bobby told Taylor and her cameraman. "Give us some room. Back up." He waved his hand (along with Eddie) motioning them to get as far as possible from them. "Prep the defib." The team, except Kasey, kneeled down to the choking man.

"Airways are sealing up." Hen informed the group.

"What's happening right now, Kasey?" Taylor interviewed Kasey as she was doing her task.

"Er, right now, I'm moving the table and chairs to give them room...something I think the two of you was ordered to do as well." She grinned cheekily at them before jogging away and back to her team, hurrying down on her knees to help in anyway.

"I need the BBM."

"What was this, like a pepper eating contest?" Taylor asked the host.

"No. Protein."

"His pulse thready." Hen removed the mask of his face as bugs jumped out of the guys mouth, chirping loudly to grab everyone's attention."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa."

"Locusts!" Hen waved the mask up and down removing any bugs that were in there.

Kasey stepped back, standing up as she waved her hands around to protect herself from any of the bugs like her other teammates were doing.

"No, they're actually crickets." The lady informed them.

"Is that meant to make this better?" Kasey cringed when she thought she felt one on her arm, hitting the area repetitively until she was convinced nothing was there, shivering slightly at the sight of them, making her think they were crawling all over her.

"We allowed anything that Claude would eat. We thought it might be fun."

"His pulse is weakening. He's I V-fib." Hen quietly muttered to Bobby. "He's coding."

Chimney hopped to the other side of the man, sitting back on his knees. "Starting compressions."

"Damn it, the blockage is too big. He's not getting any air. Let me try something."

"Come on buddy."

"Buck, give me the Magill."

"Come on."

Buck handed her the scissors crossed twisters combination to the medic, she opened his mouth with her covered hand as the other hand held the tool guiding it into the man's mouth to pick up the blockage at the back of his throat. She placed it in the napkin Bobby held out for her with disgust before she went back to placing the mask back onto the man's face, him gasping to get air back into his airways.

"He's back."

"I've got the sinus rhythm, pulse action rising. Let's get him up."

The second he sat up he started to reach; bugs continued to fly out of his mouth.

"Even Bear wouldn't eat this." Kasey voiced quietly with so much disgust in her tone as she stared at the scene in shock.

Eddie leaned forwards to the man with a serious face. "All this for a lizard, huh?"

"Hey! That's my line!"

"A monitor lizard and 500 bucks."

"Let me get in there!" Kasey yelled happily at the amount of money.

"NO!" The team yelled at her causing her to stop jumping up and down with clapping hands.

"And I just lost."

"Yes, you did! Yeah!" A women at the table said with a mouthful of insects before she spat out roaches.

"Oh fuck no." Kasey shook her head repeatedly at the new sight.

"Claude I guess you're staying with me." The host said to the lizard who just hissed in response which made the cameraman and Taylor jump back with a gasp. "I guess he likes you. He likes redheads."

"How about you start from the beginning?"

"The beginning of what?"

"The first thing you remember."

It was a sunny day in New York, she was playing with her brother happily, both of the age of 4, it wasn't the first memory she remembers, but it was the first memory to signify the start of her downfall. Kids around the age of 7, marched up to them, like they owned the park they were in. They're parents were sat on a bench in a conversation of their own, not knowing that these older kids were yelling at their very own children, telling them how they weren't allowed to play in the sandpit because it belonged to them. The 4-year-old girl stood up in defence for her brother when she saw the bottom of his lip wobble in fear due to the loud screams. She yelled at them just as loud, and the bigger kid of the group pushed her down into the sand, causing it to fly everywhere whilst the girl just glared up to him, kicking him just below his kneecap causing him to tumble down into his friends, the girl pulled her feet closer to her body, pulling her brother with her to make sure he didn't get hit by the kids who tumbled down. Her older brother sat behind him, hands firmly on her shoulders as he watched the scene. The kids burst into tears, and she yelled at them for being bullies, but everything ended when her parents came with furious faces and arms crossed.

They shouted at her all through the journey home, not listening to her side of the story. Not listening to how they yelled first, ordering them to get lost, how they gripped her brother's arm once, how they nearly made him cry, how they said only they could play in it as they 'owned it,' not listening to how they pushed her first and she didn't even know all the kids were going to fall over by a soft push. No, they never listened, her brother was crying through all the yelling, she was angry at her parents who were full of rage and disgust of her behaviour for making the other kids cry for apparently not letting them play on the sand pit and for making her brother cry because she caused them to yell at her.

She was grounded for two weeks after that, she couldn't remember what her punishment was, but she remembered she hated it because she didn't deserve it.

"You was in the right, you know?"

"Nah, I wasn't, I just made it into a bigger thing."

"You really think that?"

"I know...I know because it's all I've ever done."

"Maybe we could do a time skip to your teen years...that's where the biggest gap has-"

Silence.

"Can you hear me?"

Silence.

"Maybe you just want to continue from the beginning if it's easier, build up to those years, and let me-"

Door slammed.

Long strides, 20 long strides it took to get to the ladies toilets, locking the first empty cubicle she found and sliding down the closed door. Harsh breathing as she gripped tightly onto the sleeves of her hoodie. Hands shaking once again as raked them through her sweating hair.

Breath in...hold....breath out...

But her laboured breath continued and she hit her head against the cubicle door, wanting to be somewhere else that wasn't in her mind. Maybe some therapist were right, she needed a happy place...but how could you find one when your entire life was full of darkness?

So the girl just sat there until the storm in her head passed, then she would walk out with a mask upon her face like nothing happened.

But the storm was no where near finished when the phone rang, and she knew she was going to have to wear a much stronger mask.

But the question was, how much longer can she wear this broken mask before it shatters completely and everyone finds out the truth?

And she feared that it was going to be very soon as she doesn't think she can keep herself together for much longer.

"LAFD. Clear path." Bobby told the people in front of them as he and the fire-crew travelled down to the scene, sunglasses on their faces, and followed closely behind was Taylor and her cameraman.

"Looks like extreme hyponatremia." Buck stated as he looked at the bodybuilder who was clenching his muscles tightly, and unable to move.

"How do you know that?" Kasey questioned, placing her gloves on.

"He's got a charley horse." Hen said.

"He is the charley horse." Chimney added.

"What does that even mean." Kasey mumbled in confusion.

"What's your name?" Bobby asked the man.

"Charlie."

"Okay, Charlie, when was the last time you had any fluids?"

"Yesterday afternoon."

"Flushed yourself out for the competition today?" Chimney asked which Charlie nodded at.

"And for the weigh-ins, to make the veins pop."

"Well, you're defiantly popping."

"All right, Charlie your potassium and your sodium have bottomed out and that's why you're seizing up." Bobby bent down slightly to examine the position he's in and Hen wrapped a blood pressure wrap round his arm. "Now, before we start replenishing your electrolytes, you got to answer me honestly: are you dosing?" He asked looking into Charlie's eyes.

"N-no steroids, if that's what you mean. I'm total clean."

"You sure buddy?" Kasey asked as she looked at the way his body was, especially his muscles. And it wasn't just Kasey who had this thought as the rest of the team including Taylor and the cameraman looked at one another in disbelief. When Kasey turned to look to her side, she immediately noticed the camera and the man holding it awfully close to her, the man smirking as his eyes looked at her and the camera pointing at her and back to the bodybuilder.

"Okay, you two need to back off." Bobby said to the camera. "Get the camera out of here, please."

Eddie sighs.

"Cap needs room to work." Eddie told them, ushering them away.

"I'm working too." Taylor said defensively.

"You can work further back, especially you Mr Cameraman."

"Charlie, I just need you to know that of you're not being straight with me, and we start giving you saline and you have been dosing your kidney could start to fail, okay? And that be on you." Bobby told him.

"I'm on steroids."

"Who would've guessed." Kasey exclaimed in fake surprise.

"Okay, that's better. Are you taking anything else?"

"I took a diuretic last night to shed some water weight."

"That explains his low blood pressure. 70/40." Hen pointed out.

"All right, let's get him transported." The team went to different sides of the man. "On three, everybody. Ready? One, two, three." His head was in red brackets as they lowered him onto stretcher that was wrapped around him with a yellow strap.

"Am I-am I gonna be okay?"

"We're gonna get you through the day."

"You'd think he'd earn a trophy for holding the pose so long." Chimney smiled elbowing Kasey.

"Right?" Hen agreed, smiling in Kasey direction but she never responded, instead her eyes stayed on the ground. "Kasey?"

She suddenly look up and looked at them through her sunglasses. "Right." She smiled slightly before heading towards the fire engine.

They sat in the red truck without Bobby, Kasey was giggling like a small schoolgirl, Eddie was scrunching his face and Buck was looking out the window.

"Man. Allergies are going crazy today." Eddie sniffled.

"I didn't know you had argies." Kasey giggled.

"It's allergies." Chimney corrected, looking at Kasey weird of mispronouncing a word he knew she could say.

"That's what I said, silly." She giggled. "I feel so good today."

"The index wasn't elevated this morning." Buck told Eddie and Kasey.

Kasey sneezed. "Huh? Maybe I got argies too."

"Allergies."

"Do you think it's a new kind?" Buck asked.

"New kind of what?" Eddie shook his head.

"Of pollen."

"Is it poisonous." Kasey hurried to cover her mouth and nose with her hand and the two boys copied her.

"A new kind of pollen?" Chimney asked in disbelief and the three of them nodded their heads, still covering the bottom half of their face. "Poisonous pollen?" They nodded again.

"You're not feeling this, Chim?" Eddie asked removing his hand which the other two copied.

"No, I do not."

"I can see the pollen." Buck said looking up. "I can hear it."

"This is ridiculous. She's the one who cheated." A lady yelled at Athena handcuffed her. "She and her demon seed. That little girl is 11 if she's a day...I want to see the birth certificate."

The 118 entered through the glass doors one by one and when Kasey went to go through it, her face was meet with something hard causing her to stumble back with slight confusion.

"Huh? I thought a door was there." She scratched the top of her head, looking round the area. "Where did the door go?" Eddie walked back out, grabbing her hand to guide her through the door he just walked though. "There's the door!" She looked around, tugging at Eddie's arm excitedly. "Oh my god, it's a party!"

Chimney turned around to face her with pure confusion before heading towards Athena.

Kasey, Eddie, and Buck stayed by the door, looking around with their mouth apart, smiles tugging at them as they opened.

"Hey! Strand! Diaz! Buckley! Let's go!" Chimney called as he kneeled in front of the victim with a high heel going through her cheek.

"Did these beauty queens shrink, or are we suddenly giants?" Buck asked slowly.

"Fee-fi-fo-fum." Kasey said in a deep voice, stomping her feet as she stayed in the same spot. The boys leaned into her as they laughed at her imitation, but they suddenly stopped when the children turned to face them causing them to gasp and step back.

"Can I get my shoe back?" The women yelled as she passed the trio.

"Can someone please bring me the rest of my gear?" Chimney yelled in desperation. Athena turned to look at him before facing to look at Kasey, Eddie, and Buck who was just in pure shock at the children dressed as princesses.

"I think he means you, guys." They slowly looked up at Athena.

"She's a giant too?" Kasey muttered out through the corner of her lip.

"Hey, Athena." Buck greeted. "They're, like, the tiniest ladies I've ever seen." He looked down at them before back at Athena, pinching his fingers together and spoke in a high pitch voice to say: "Teeny-tiny. Just..."

"Excuse me?"

"So tiny." He whispered.

"Henrietta." Athena called at the firefighting-medic who was staring at herself in the mirror, looking round widely at who called her name.

"Thena." She waves her hand and as she gets closer she sniffs the air. "Oh, 'Thena, you smell like love."

"Chimney? Need you over here." Athena called as she looked at Hen in alertness. "727-l-30, requesting immediate R.A. backup." Athena spoke into her radio, watching how Hen sucked in the air through her nose. "At Beverly Wilton Hotel, Pacific Ballroom."

"Where the hell is my lido..." Chimney paused as he saw the state his team was in.

"We got a problem here." Athena told him. "You guys be tripping."

"What? Guys, look at me. Do you know where you are?"

"We're everywhere, man." Eddie told him as he appeared through the balloons. Kasey turned around and Eddie blinked in surprise. "Wow...you're pretty."

Kasey giggled.

"They're on drugs." Athena barked at Chimney.

"You're very pretty too." Kasey batted her eyelashes at Eddie.

Hen laughed in gasp as she hugged Chimney, him patting her back with a groan. "Oh. Oh, my God, it's the brownies."

"Brownies?"

"We got a new batch today."

"Did you know you're eyes were green?" Eddie said to Kasey as he attempted to lean against the wall to look cool.

"They are?" She asked with such excitement, hands covering her eyes as if she be able to see it.

Eddie let out a soft whine. "I can't see your eyes now."

"We've been getting a lot of stuff lately, especially since the earthquake." Chimney continued to pat Hen's back.

"You guys eat that stuff?" Athena asked in disbelief. "We just throw that stuff right in the trash."

"We're firefighter. Everybody loves us."

"Oh..." Athena couldn't believe his comment.

"So...you come here often stuff-hot?" Kasey titled her head.

"I think I live here?" Eddie questioned, eyes looking around.

"Hey, look at me." Kasey whined and when he looked back at her she cheered happily.

"What's going on?" Eddie cried as the handcuffs tightened round his wrist. "I don't like this."

"Ooh, you made him cry." Buck pointed out.

"Believe it or not, this isn't the first time I've been in handcuffs." Kasey said innocently looking down at her feet as she pointed them in and out repeatedly. Athena looked at her along with the other first responders who stood behind her with questioning looks. "Don't know why you're judging I heard about-"

"All right!" Athena said loudly interrupting the blabbering girl. "Just breathe, okay? You're gonna be okay."

"Did you make my man cry?" Kasey furrowed her brows as she looked at Eddie before looking angrily at the man behind him.

Eddie breathed out deeply.

"Somebody dosed you with a hallucinogen." Athena told them, ignoring what Kasey said as she knows she just drugged up. "We don't want you to hurt yourself or anyone else."

"You've already hurt my man." Kasey huffed.

"Yeah, my girl better not be hurt." Eddie glared out at Athena.

"Kasey? Are you hurt?"

Silence.

"Kasey?"

Silence.

"Eddie's girl?" She tried and Kasey looked up with a big smile and Athena rolled her eyes. "Are you hurt?"

"Nah." She giggled, and Eddie sighed with happiness.

"You're adorable." He grinned at her through some tears that were prickling his eyes.

"No, you're adorable."

"You're more adorable."

"No-"

"You both are adorable!" Athena interrupted the pair who frowned that she interrupted them.

"Thena you're head is beating like your heart." Hen told her, looking at her as if she was an angel.

"Is it?"

"Did everything kind of sparkle?" Eddie asked, hands stuffed in his pockets.

"Uh, I'd say it was more glistening, like the whole world was covered in dew." Hen told him.

"I can't really remember anything I said." Giggled Kasey.

"Neither." Buck shook his head.

"You think this is why people go to Burning Man?" Eddie asked before sitting next to Kasey who was next to Buck.

"We seem them every day," Taylor began on the TV, "on the streets of Los Angeles, running into burning buildings, pulling people from wrecked cars and collapsing high-rises and even saving this reported from a helicopter that spun out of control."

"Where's Cap?" Eddie asked as he took a mouthful of popcorn.

Buck looked around.

"He's not watching with us?"

"No, said he had other things to do." Chimney told him, handing Kasey the popcorn bowl so everyone could reach for it.

"I think his words were he'd rather do anything other than this." Hen laughed a breathy laugh.

"They are the brave men and women of the Los Angeles Fire Department, and it was my own brush with death that inspired me to share their story so you can all see what it takes and what it means to be one of them."

𝑃𝑟𝑒𝑣𝑖𝑜𝑢𝑠 ◁ II ▷𝑁𝑒𝑥𝑡

(AGAPE SERIES)

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silkenstarlight · 3 years

Text

wild cherry sweet (part two)

Summary: Reader is distracted as she and Bucky prepare to embark on their mission at the GRC’s private gala. Bucky decides to help ease her tension.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader

Warning/s: smut (18+ only, minors dni!); public sex, oral (f receiving), fingering, kissing, brief mention of sugar daddy

Word count: 3.9k

Find part one here

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Author’s note: i didn’t plan a part two for this, but tbh bucky is not the type to let a woman pleasure him without even trying to reciprocate on her

Do not repost! Likes and reblogs are welcome and encouraged :))

“Glasses? Really?”

You pressed your lips together tightly, scrutinizing Bucky’s lackadaisical efforts at putting together a disguise: wayfarer eyeglasses with a thick tortoiseshell frame that pressed awkwardly against his brow bone. You leaned across the center console of the car, and when you reached up to his face, he smiled dopily at you, expecting some loving, gentle caress. But, when you ripped the tag off of the glasses he had just bought at the pharmacy, his jaw clenched, lips turning downward into a chagrined frown. You settled behind the wheel again.

He seemed strangely excited about the prospect of donning a costume for the mission, so unlike his usual disgruntled self. Even so, his efforts at disguise were last-minute and low-effort. Earlier, before you had left the apartment to drive to the gala’s discreet venue, he had flattened his hair onto his forehead in an uncharacteristic style, reminiscent of the neatly-combed 60’s mop-tops donned by the likes of Ringo Starr. And, when you were slinging on your heels, ready to walk out of the door, he had asked you to dust some eyeshadow below his eyes. He explained that exaggerated dark circles would help to draw his face down and make him appear slightly older.

You obliged, trying not to let the breath stall in your throat as you traced a cool taupe shade below his eyes in faint crescents. You couldn’t ignore the fact that his eyes were trained on you the whole time.

The way his eyes followed your every move had made you suddenly shy and docile, even though just minutes before, you had been on your knees in front of him, his cock shoved down your throat. After he came, he had brought you up from your knees to a standing position, and had kissed you with the fervor of a man who was just getting started.

But, you had a mission. Which you were already late for.

You had fixed your hair and lipstick quickly after he had tucked himself back into his pants, a brush and a damp tissue working wonders to conceal your tryst. And then, you were both out of the door, climbing into your car and plugging the gala’s location into Google maps.

But, first, he had insisted on making a stop. You groaned, clutching the wheel tightly as he directed you through traffic towards a pharmacy a few blocks away from the venue. You parallel parked and he jumped out of the car, jaunting into the store with bouncing, confident steps. You left the engine running, eager to get to the gala. The sooner your mission was over, after all, the sooner you could both return to the apartment and resume where you left off.

The thought made you ache, the wetness pooling in your underwear momentarily making you forget the jittery tapping of your foot and the sweat that slicked the creases of your palms. Your stomach flipped when you remembered the blissed-out expression on Bucky’s face as your mouth had bobbed up and down his length, lips popping with a lewd smack as you pulled back--

The passenger door opened and Bucky climbed in with a plastic bag in hand, interrupting your daydreaming and making you jump.

He noticed, settling in his seat and shutting the car door behind him.“Pre-mission jitters?” He asked knowingly.

“Uh-- yeah.” You blushed, choosing not to elaborate.

He simply gave you a smirk, as if he could read your every thought, and pulled his purchase from the plastic bag. A pair of reading glasses. He slid them on, and you scoffed.

“Glasses? Really?” You lightly whacked his arm, laughing. “Who are you, Clark Kent?”

He shrugged. “Well, it seemed to work for him just fine.”

“Alright, just don’t come complaining to me when the magnification in the lenses starts giving you a headache.”

“Noted.”

You pulled out from your parking spot and rejoined traffic, hoping to find a parking space closer to the venue. You didn’t want to use the valet, just in case things went south and you needed a convenient means of escape. So, when you were two blocks away, you parked.

You both climbed out, stepping up to the sidewalk and locking the car as you began to walk. You smoothed your hands nervously over the skirt of your dress, breath slightly shaky. Missions like these were a part of the job description, but you would never get used to the nerves they gave you.

Or, maybe, the possibility of impending doom wasn’t what was giving you nerves.

Maybe it was the man walking next to you.

You bit your lip at the thought, turning your head to look at him.

“What?” he asked, still facing ahead, surveying the streets around them for possible exit points they could use if the evening went south.

You just shook your head, pushing the thought to the back of your mind. It wasn’t safe to get distracted like this, on a night as potentially dangerous as this one. Instead, you surveyed his body language, noticing that he had adopted a slouch to accompany his floppy hair, gaunt makeup, and glasses.

You snorted. “You look like an old man.”

“I am an old man, thank you very much.” His eyes slid to yours briefly, before facing forwards again.

“Never said it was a bad thing,” you smirked, trying to get a rise out of him before the serious portion of the evening officially began.

He grabbed your wrist suddenly, pulling you flush to his side and wrapping his arm around you.“Oh, I know that you like it,” he whispered, lips brushing against your hair. You felt your throat constrict, and he squeezed your waist before letting you go. “But we’ll have to save that part of the evening for later.”

“If you insist,” you sighed, lacing your voice with faux disappointment, knowing that if there was even a whiff of foul play at tonight’s event, you would both be cool, composed, and on the job, lewd thoughts far from center stage. But, it was fun to tease him, to hope that the gala would be tame, just so that you could go home sooner and do some not-so-tame things with each other.

The venue was a stocky cement building, gray and brutal and unassuming, the windows surprisingly dark. The only indication that it housed a private event was the presence of two guards, their bulky, muscled figures situated on either side of a nondescript metal door. You grabbed Bucky’s hand, fingers intertwining with his, and took a deep breath before you approached the guards.

You cleared your throat. “We’re here for the GRC event.” You clenched your jaw as both guards swept their gazes up and down your’s and Bucky’s bodies.

“Last name?” The one on the right asked gruffly, not bothering to look at your faces, pulling a tablet computer from behind his back to check the guest list.

“Jancovik. Daria Jancovik.” Your voice was steady despite the nerves, the fake name rolling off your tongue.

The guard raised his eyebrows and looked up, stepping to the side and gesturing to the door. “Ah, of course. Miss Jancovik.”

You smiled warmly. Your plan had worked. The real Daria Jancovik, a foreign informer who reported migrants to the GRC, leading to eventual deportation, was on… vacation. You had paid her an earlier visit, advising her to leave the country, to return home and visit her family instead of attending the gala. Bucky had advised you against this approach, claiming that it was too risky, that it would be better to just find a way to sneak in. But, you told him, it was better to enter where the GRC would least expect: the front door. And, it looked like the real Daria Jancovik took your advice-- she obviously wasn’t here.

“Thank you, sir.” You nodded slightly, leading Bucky behind you, hand still clutching his.

“Wait, Miss Jancovik.” The guard barred your entry with an outstretched arm. “The guest list doesn’t say anything about you having a plus one.”

Fuck. You tried not to let your brows furrow, tried to quash the electric feeling of panic that traveled down your spine. You bit your lip and broke into a shy simper, staring up at the guard through fluttering lashes.

“Oh, so sorry, sir,” you drawled slowly, voice dripping with apology. But, your voice shook, a slight tremor belying your confident tone and drawing a suspicious glare from both guards. You hadn’t planned for this. Your palms began sweating again, and your thoughts ran wild, searching for any plausible alibis that would explain your companion. But you couldn’t focus, thoughts erratic and shapeless. Your mouth dropped open, ready to babble some thoughtless, on-the-spot response, when Bucky cleared his throat next to you.

“Sir, I am what you may call a… generous donor.” He enunciated his last words carefully, adopting some strange, implacable and vaguely European accent. His words lilted and swirled lightly in his mouth, further elaborating his mysterious presence.

In spite of this, the guards weren’t convinced. “If you’re not on the list, I can’t let you in.”

Bucky simply stared back at him and squinted, deciding to try a more blunt angle. “I have a previous arrangement with this young woman. I… help her with personal causes. Of a financial nature. And, I was hoping to witness her fine employer in action tonight. I am… willing to spread my generosity to its cause, if I find it to be convincing.” You tried to conceal the awe that threatened to spill on your face at his quick save. And, you wanted to laugh at the insinuation that Bucky was your sugar daddy, some stuffy, lonely old man with heavy pockets brimming with cash. In reality, he struggled to pay rent and didn’t own a bed frame. It was comical, watching him trying to swallow his inner protests at the idea, managing his microexpressions with a steady, slightly uncomfortable stare.

You both paused, letting the guard’s mind wander.

His eyes flickered to his partner briefly before settling back on you.

The guard considered for a moment, and then simply nodded, avoiding further elaboration from you about your relationship. He stepped aside again. “Enjoy your night.”

You smiled sweetly at him before stepping past him and opening the door, tugging Bucky behind you.

“Wow,” you muttered as the door creaked shut behind you. A looming, dark passage stretching out before you, the dimly lit, bright red door at the end your final barrier to successfully infiltrating the gala. The thrumming pulse of music seemed to make the walls vibrate. You looked at Bucky, and he dropped your hand, flexing his fingers. “The plan actually worked.”

He laughed, and you both started walking toward the red door. “Only because my old man costume came in handy.”

“Well, like you said earlier,” you hissed. “You are an old man.”

He just shook his head slightly at your recall, and when you were both a foot away from the red door’s threshold, you paused. You did a mental check on your weapons, ticking them off on your mental checklist one by one. Handgun in thigh holster, check. Knife in ankle strap, check. Baggie of poison tablets in bra, check--

“You ready?” Bucky’s voice interrupted your last-minute internal review, and you turned to face him. His concerned expression ignited a whole new kind of nerves in your stomach, warm, fluttery electricity travelling down your limbs like lightning. It was a delicious feeling, and you longed to lean into it, to allow yourself to be cocooned by its enticing, buzzing embrace. To allow your tense muscles to relax, to press your body against his, melting into the muscled, statuesque contours and comforting stability of his body.

You were most definitely distracted, but that’s because you hadn’t had a proper outlet for your pre-mission jitters. Sucking his cock, watching him devolve into a euphoric, aroused state, had only gotten you more worked up than you usually were before missions. You felt embarrassment bubble in your stomach, a deep red blush travelling up your neck at the thought that you couldn’t control yourself in this moment. Your judgement was clouded, all because you couldn’t fucking function around a man like Bucky Barnes.

Bucky grabbed your chin and tilted your face up to look at him. “What’s wrong?”

You felt bad, noticing the genuine concern behind his eyes, but figured it was best to tell him. You didn’t want to lie and endanger the rest of the mission with your preoccupied thoughts. “Umm-- this doesn’t usually happen, but… I’m a bit… distracted.”

“What’s on your mind?”

You huffed a laugh and bit your lip, trying to gain the courage to tell him the truth. “Uh-- I guess I’m still… still stuck on what happened earlier tonight. Before we left the apartment?” You said it like a question, sentence nervously trailing up in pitch at the end.

His expression was unreadable, the pressing dark of the hallway leaving his face in shadow. But then, his teeth flashed in a broad smile. “I remember what happened,” he said fondly, as if you two were reminiscing on a shared memory before entering battle together. “But what’s holding you up about it right now?”

You took a deep breath. Time to come clean. “I’m just still a bit worked up.”

He raised his brows slightly in surprise, then nodded, face settling into an expression of understanding. “That makes sense. You didn’t get your release.”

“Yeah.” Your voice broke around the single syllable, your blush now flooding your cheeks.

“Well,” he said, dropping his hand from your chin and tracing his fingertips lightly along the curve of your neck, trailing them down your spine until settling at your waist. He squeezed slightly, making you gasp. “How quickly could you cum? If I helped you right now?”

You blinked in disbelief, shocked by his vulgar words, but when he just continued to stare at you expectantly, waiting for a response, you realized that he was serious. You scoffed. “I-- I don’t know. Probably pretty quickly.”

“Good.” He pushed you back, your exposed skin meeting the cool cement of the wall, pounding beats and indistinguishable lyrics pulsing through you to your very core. He stared at you for a moment, drinking in your neediness and saving the image of your blown-out pupils and parted lips for later. And then, he bridged the gap between you, resting his forehead against yours before pressing his mouth lightly against yours.

The kiss was surprisingly soft, despite your admission to a desire so pressing, so consuming, that you couldn’t focus on your job. And then, his teeth grazed against your bottom lip, catching it in a faint, erotic bite. You couldn’t help but moan into his mouth, nipples peaking and wetness pooling in your underwear. You felt his lips curve upwards into a smug smile. You simply pulled him closer, sliding your hands up his chest and wrapping your arms around his neck. He took that as an invitation to push the kiss further, his tongue sliding against your swollen lips, softly prying your mouth open. He was sweet, so gentle and patient, but a sense of urgency drove his actions. He wanted to help you, so that you could release that burning tension coiled inside of you. You had treated him so nicely earlier that evening. He hoped to return the favor. Well, that and he also wanted to watch you cum.

You shuddered another moan into his mouth and he pulled back a fraction, hands tracing down your sides. He grasped the slinky fabric of your dress, pulling the skirt up until it was bunched around your hips, exposing your thin underwear to the cool air and solid press of cement behind you. He let out a low whistle at the sight, the delicate black lace and your soft skin.

You grabbed his wrist, sudden doubt blaring in your brain. “W-wait. What about the mission?”

He simply met your gaze with his, maintaining eye contact while he slowly sunk to his knees in front of you. He twisted his wrist out from your grip, wrapping his hand around one of your ankles and lifting your leg, bringing it up to rest on his shoulder. Your heart pounded in your chest.

“Yeah? What about the mission?”

You could feel his hot breath against your clothed pussy as he answered, his voice low and rumbly in his chest. You pressed your head into the wall behind you, trying to fight the urge to twine your hands through his hair and beckon him to where you needed him most. Despite your weak protests, you desperately hoped that he would continue his actions. “Shouldn’t we--”

Your words trailed off into a long, loud moan as he quickly moved your underwear to the side and licked a long, wet stripe up your aching slit. He pulled back slightly to look up at you, and he hummed, pleased at your desperation, your knotted brows rosy cheeks.

“It’s alright, darling.” He scraped his fingernails teasingly up your other leg, chuckling as it buckled under you at the unexpected stimulation. And then, he settled that hand on your inner thigh, pressing his thumb against the soft skin and circling it lightly in a teasing massage. “We’ll make it quick.”

He waited for you to consent before continuing. You just nodded, not trusting yourself to form words, and he smiled wickedly before dragging his fingers against your wetness and plunging two digits into your center.

You gasped at the sudden intrusion, his thick fingers igniting a pleasant ache as they pushed inside of you, stroking your tight walls slowly until they relaxed around him. When he leaned forward, closing his mouth against your clit and flicking it with his tongue, you sighed. He lapped at your wetness eagerly, lips making an obscene smacking sound. You felt your muscles relax, that enticing, stirring warmth quickly travelling through your body as he teased you into a state of relaxed arousal.

He pulled back yet again to look at you, and you wanted to moan at the loss of his tongue, but he replaced it by circling the pad of his thumb against your sensitive nub. He noticed your hands, balled tightly at your sides, and he laughed.

“You can grab my hair if you want, baby. I don’t mind if everyone in there sees that I have sex hair.” He jutted his chin towards the door as he increased the pace of his fingers thrusting inside of you.

That permission was all you needed. You reached forward and twined one hand through his hair, bringing his face closer to you and inviting him to continue his earlier ministrations. Your other hand remained rooted against the wall, a necessary point of balance as he made you fall apart at his command. He replaced his mouth at your center, making you shudder.

It was warm, it was rough, and it was everything you needed. You tried not to think about the risk of intrusion, of the guards outside letting in other guests and getting an eyeful of a private moment. Or, if someone opened the red door and wandered in, they would be right on top of you, close enough to smell the musk of your arousal and see the pebbled peaks of your nipples pressing through the satin of your dress. It would be humiliating. Bucky would never let you live it down, forever reminding you on future missions about the time when you were caught with your legs wrapped around his ears. But, if you were being honest with yourself, the thought of someone walking in and witnessing you, drenched and dirty and moaning all because of him, only served to turn you on even more. A loud moan erupted from your lips, wetness squelching as he curled his fingers inside of you and sucked lewdly. You pulled his hair tightly, urging him on as you came closer and closer to completion.

In response to the sharp tugging of your fingers, he moaned, echoing the shameless sounds that were tumbling from your lips. The faint vibrations, the low, gruff sound of him as he lost himself in the endeavor of giving you pleasure, made you clench around him. A glowing pool of warmth began to form in your stomach, tension building and building. You bit your lip. The feeling of his mouth, sliding and sucking against your clit, and the sensation of his fingers spreading you open and coaxing sweet, high-pitched moans from your lips. It was almost too much. You slapped the wall with your free hand, twitching with pleasure as a deep, burning tension began to build.When his curled fingers rubbed against the spongy, sensitive spot inside of you, that was it.

With a high, keening cry, you fell over the edge, your orgasm wracking your body. A copious gush of wetness flooded from your center, likely drenching his face, and your legs trembled, threatening to buckle beneath you. He sensed this, his free hand pressing your hips roughly against the wall, still thrusting his fingers inside of you and suckling your clit. He fucked you through your orgasm, wringing every last ounce of warm, dripping pleasure from your body, not slowing down or stopping until a dull, tired ache bloomed in your center and you had to pull him back by his hair. He grinned up at you, making eye contact with you through his lashes, a slick wetness clinging to his upper lip. He huffed a laugh at the reluctant sucking sound your pussy made when he slipped his fingers out.

You rolled your eyes and he guided your leg off of his shoulder, making sure it was planted firmly on the ground before moving your underwear neatly back into place. He rose from his kneeling position. As he grasped your waist, your skirt fell back down around you in a dramatic curtain, and he pulled you close, kissing you lightly. The taste of you on his lips was intoxicating.

He pulled back slightly, resting his forehead against yours, and stared at you with a half-lidded, deeply satisfied expression. He had liked making you come apart just as much as you had appreciated the release.

“Uh oh,” he whispered, grabbing your chin and examining your face. “Looks like we ruined your lipstick again.”

You laughed, a raspy, tired sound, and smacked his chest lightly, stepping back. “Well,” you sighed, smiling up at him. “I don’t mind. I’ll go straight to the bathroom to fix it. Brought an extra tube of lipstick in my purse for any… potential touch-ups.”

He raised his eyebrows, smoothing a hand over his mussed hair and straightening the cuffs of his sleeves. “Sounds like you planned for this to happen.”

You shook your head. “Only subconsciously.”

He grinned, and you both turned to face the red door. Despite the fact that just moments before, you were writhing around his fingers, wanton moans swallowed by the diffused thump of techno music, you felt serene, ready to jump into action. No more distracting thoughts clouded your mind.

“Ready?” He asked, reaching for the knob, waiting for your confirmation before continuing.

You nodded in affirmation and smiled, eyes crinkling.

“Ready.”

He turned the knob and swung the door open. You walked through the doorway side by side, partners in crime, ready to meet whatever awaited you beyond its threshold.

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fizzyxcustard · 2 years

Note

In case you’re in need of new prompts… 😈 Remember the Scott White request with “It is all a dream, isn’t it?”. I know I do. And I bet @linasofia does too 😈😈😈

Can I ask you for a continuation of this fic? Pretty please? 🥺🙏

Scott White and “This is still a dream, isn’t it?” 😏 Get wild with this sentence! :)

Fandom: Sleepwalker (2017)

Pairings: Dr Scott White x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Questioning sanity, anxiety, language, smut references (slight), slight angst

Summary: You have no idea what is real and what isn't. Scott, the man in your dreams, is becoming more and more real. Part 1 can be read here

Comments/Notes: If you wish to be added to any of my tag lists (either the Follow Forever or for a particular character/fandom, please let me know) If you don't know what ASMR (it's something that's mentioned in this fic) is, then by all means ask. Or even better, have a look on Google. :) It can describe the phenomena way better than I can.

You stared at the card between your fingers. Your steady gaze moved through the weaves, joining them into a plait. Scott's ring. Surely this was just a coincidence? But who would be sending you flowers? Roses, in particular. You didn't have a recent ex. The only ex you did have was from many years ago, a fiancé. Your life now was mainly lived in solitude. Scott's presence in your dreams had ignited a longing for someone. Before Scott, and you didn't care about being alone. Now it was all you felt.

You couldn't help but think this was all a joke. Had someone from work, one of the buff, arrogant guys who worked as a tech specialist, decided to do this just to play up to one of the girls he wanted to bang?

You could feel a tremor in your hands as you tried to comprehend everything that was happening. It was one of two things: you were losing your mind, or you were being bullied by someone from work. It could only be those two possibilities. A secret crush was something you never dared imagine. Any hint of interest from a guy and you shrugged it off with a cynical laugh.

For the rest of the evening you sat in your living room, tucked up in a blanket.

You gripped the card between your fingers. What kind of card was this? It was like no business card you had ever seen. A simple symbol on one side and pure white on the other.

Every small sound put you on edge: the ticking of the clock on your wall, the tapping of your pet guinea pig drinking from its bottle.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I must have seen that symbol somewhere before, at a company, or even the florists, and subconsciously made it up.

Podcasts kept you company for the rest of the evening. They were simple ASMR audio; someone whispering into the microphone, followed by someone tapping on a computer keyboard. The tingles scattered down the back of your head and neck, flickers of pleasure mixed with relaxation. Whispering always made you lose yourself in the sensations.

Teetering on the edge of consciousness and sleep, you suddenly saw a bearded man standing in front of you. It was Scott. Your eyes shot open, your heart thundering in response. You gasped his name, but his form disappeared. The clearer your vision became, the less of him there was. It was as if he were pixilated, and the closer you got to consciousness, the less of him remained.

You couldn't help but break down into tears, overcome by your want for him. He was beautiful, romantic, kind. The perfect man. But still a figment of your imagination, created by the facets of personality you admired in the opposite sex.

The darkness followed you around, shrouding you as you got into bed. It was like the darkness you had seen in your last dream with Scott, all encompassing. Until he appeared, bathed in the light of the streetlamp. He brought light with him.

As you lay on your back, you stared at the shadows on the ceiling. A very gentle breeze brushed across your face, one you did not question. It lulled you to sleep, like a mother cradling her child. Soothing.

You were back in the dark street. This time you could feel everything in the moment, the texture of the jeans against your legs. The pressure of the overcoat around you. Everything was so real. Dirt crushed beneath your feet as you walked, heading for the streetlamp. You called for Scott. The words so real on your tongue. This felt like the real world, not the one you were used to living.

Scott was nowhere to be seen. Warm and wet, the tears fell down your cheeks. So real.

Why have you left me? I need you. Of course this is a dream. It would never be real. Why would anyone want me the way you say you do?

You walked the street, recognising buildings from your youth. Your school. Your original family home. All the places that you played on your own; small wooded areas, parks. Everywhere was from a memory.

It was still dark as you came back to the waking world, looking up at the ceiling. Immediately you sensed a presence, a pair of eyes watching you. "This is still a dream, isn't it?" you asked, never even looking to see who was watching you. It still felt like a dreamworld. Woven memory and fantasy, joining.

"No," a baritone voice whispered. "You allowed me to become real."

You turned your face to the side, and saw Scott slide into the bed beside you. He kissed you, slowly at first, and then the passion built. He rose up over you, his hips tight against yours.

You moaned his name which spurred him on all the more, his lips nipping at your neck and down to your breasts. His beard was warm and strangely soft.

You stiffened as the realisation hit you, pushing through the ascending arousal. "Please don't. You're not real." You opened your eyes and looked up at him, his silver blue gaze locked on you. His hand was tight in yours, your fingers laced. Upon your words, his grip tightened.

"You have made me real," he said, smiling. "You have brought me to life."

You shifted away, pulling yourself from him. "No, you're not. And you never will be. You're in my head."

***

Follow Forever tag list: @narniaandthenorth @i-did-not-mean-to @lathalea @middleearthpixie @xxbyimm @meganlpie @linasofia @knitastically @brokennerdalert @clumsy-wonderland

Richard Armitage tag list: @sketch-and-write-lover @cryptichobbit

#Richard Armitage #Fic #Lathalea #Prompt Request #Prompt #Fic Request #Scott White x Fem!Reader #Scott White x Reader #Scott White x You #Sleepwalker #Sleepwalker (2017)

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ally-writes-many-things · 3 years

Text

Secret Voight Season 3 Part 3 (J. Halstead)

Summary: Its been a year and a few months since Olive showed up announcing that she was pregnant with Justin's kid. You were working on a case that involved Justin. Is Justin back doing the same old things or is it something else?

Words: 3.9k

Requested: Yes

Warnings or A/N: Guys, I appreciate the love and support yall are giving me again with this series but please dont keep asking me over and over again if I'm continuing it. I think there will be at least one more part in season 3 and there will be one more chapter for s3. There also maybe be one more chapter that will be special. Idk yet. Well see.

You were smiling at your nephew in his high chair while wearing a birthday hat. It was Daniel's first birthday. You, your dad, Olive and Justin were all singing happy birthday to him as Daniel was just looking around and babbling. "Happy birthday, kiddo. Come on, blow out that candle. Ready? One, two..."

Your dad had put the cake on the food tray as Justin walked closer to his son and they both helped Daniel blow out the candle. "Good job,"

You looked from Daniel and then to Olive. "I can't believe he's a year old already,"

Voight nodded and went to grabbed a present. "Ooh, wait. Time for presents. This one is from me,"

Justin reaches over the table and grabbed the bag and opened it up. He pulled out a toy horse that he seemed to recognize. "All these years you kept this?"

"Your mom did. She kept all your baby stuff upstairs in the attic, just, you know, hoping one day she could pass it along,"

Olive puts her hand Justin's back. "Hank, it's perfect,"

"Yeah. Thanks, Pop. I wish Mom was here too,"

You got up from your seat and walked around to where your brother was and placed your hand on his shoulder. "I didn't know Camille but from what I've been told of her. She would be so proud of you,"

----

It had been an hour or so after you were done with giving Daniel his gifts. Justin and Voight were in the living room catching up. You and Olive were still in the kitchen with Daniel cleaning up. "So when are you and Jay getting married?"

Justin and Olive got married about six months ago and ever since then everyone has been up yours and Jay's ass over it too. Or well besides Voight. Voight told you over and over 'to take it slow'. You chuckled as you had a secret but it wasn't an engagement. Jay didn't even know about this either. "Whenever he proposes, I guess,"

"I'm sure, it'll be soon,"

You shrugged. "I'm just going with the tides. In this line of work, its difficult to worry about things like that,"

She nodded. "You guys did move in together right?"

"Yeah, a couple of weeks ago,"

"With two bedrooms right?"

You cocked an eye at her. "Yeah? Why?"

"Just asking. How's it going?"

"It's going good. It's a lot easy on the both of us since Jay would take me to work,"

Voight walked into the kitchen with Justin. "Sorry to break the girl chat up but we got a case. Team is already there,"

You walked over to where Daniel was and kissed him on the top of his head. "Goodnight my sweet boy,"

---

You and Voight drive to the scene separate but arrived at the same time. You saw Kevin and Antonio were waiting for us at the police line which they lifted up when we walked up to it. "Hey, Serge. We got one dead female found in the trunk,"

Antonio looked at his notepad. "A park district employee was closing the gates. He was about to have the car towed when he noticed blood on the rear of the car and called the police,"

You and the others walked up the car, Jay was already there at the car holding up the trunk. "Victim's hands and feet are tied with barbed wire. Throat's cut. Fingernails are gone, too. I'm guessing she fought back against the assailant. He knew there'd be DNA, so he yanked them off,"

"Cartel hit?"

"Or Russians. They've been known to use barbed wire too,"

You got a ping on your phone and looked at it. "Car's registered to the victim. Her name's Melissa Wilds. She's 26 years old. We got an address,"

"All right, call Ruzek and Olinsky. Tell them to go over there and do a knock-and-talk,"

It was the next day and you didn't have much to go on as of yet. Al and Ruzek knocked at the address but no one answered. Her neighbor came by and they found out she had a daughter. You were sitting at you desk while talking about the case. "Melissa Wilds. Her husband was an Army private killed in a training exercise last year at Fort Bragg, along with three others when their chopper went down,"

Antonio took it from there. "She had an associate’s from Roosevelt and worked as a paralegal for the law firm Sawyer & Sawyer,"

Antonio was still in the outs with you. Yeah, its been a year but you still didn't trust him enough to let him back into your life. Jay, on the other hand, just didn't care because no one was gonna tell him what he can or can't do. Ruzek swung around in his chair to look at Antonio. "Yeah, I've seen those commercials. They're just high-profile ambulance chasers,"

"Bigger than that. They do seven-figure class action lawsuits against pharmaceutical companies or schools with asbestos,"

Jay was looking into Melissa's background and to see if she got any priors. "Except for a few parking tickets, Melissa has zero priors. She's a working, widowed mom, so the more I'm digging here, I can't see any reason why she'd be associated with cartels or any Russians,"

Voight walk to where he was standing in front of everyone. "Well listen. This girl was tortured with barbed wire. That means the killer either wanted something from her, or it was personal. So I want to know where she was before we found her, who she was with- if she was seeing someone new,"

Your phone of your desk rang while Voight was saying what he was saying. "Voight,"

"Roger Simpson is down here. Says he is Melissa's father,"

You pulled the phone away from your mouth and looked up at Voight. "Hey,"

"Hm?"

"Roger Simpson, Melissa's father, is downstairs,"

Voight looked over at Al. "Al?"

"We should start drawing straws,"

It had been about an hour since Al met with Roger and he said that Melissa was acting strange the past few months and that she was asking him to watch Tigan more and more which was no problem but it was hard cause he lived two hours away. He had asked her if something was wrong but she wouldn't tell him. You were engrossed with your digging that you didn't hear Jay walking up to you until he tapped on your desk. You looked away from your computer and up at him. "Hey handsome,"

He slightly smiled before dropping it. That concerned you. "What's wrong?"

"We got Melissa's phone records,"

"And?"

"Follow me,"

Jay started to walk towards Voight's office and you got up from your desk and followed him. "Hey, we got, uh, Melissa Wild's phone records,"

Voight looked at you confused and you just shrugged as you walked into his office. "Okay?"

Jay closed the door and hand a copy to you and Voight. He kept one for himself as well. "She and Justin, um-- they knew each other. Looks like there's maybe 20 phone calls and twice as many texts between the two of them last month. The last phone call she made was a half hour before time of death,"

Voight picked up his personal phone from his desk and started dialing Justin. "He said he was in town to help a friend. Maybe it was her,"

You walked up to Voight's desk. "Where is Justin now?"

"He should be at home with Olive and Daniel,"

Jay looked from you to your dad. "Did he ever mention this girl to you, to either of you?"

"No,"

"Don't you think I would've mentioned it if he did? Straight to voicemail,"

You and Voight rush to his house and see that Olive is there with Daniel but no Justin and he looks worried. "Where's Justin?"

"He left over an hour ago,"

"Have you tried calling him?"

"He's not answering. I texted him too. Hank, I'm worried,"

"We'll find him,"

You pulled your phone out of your pocket and dialed Al. "I need you to track the GPS on Justin's car now,"

It took about ten minutes to find the location of Justin car which was parked on the side of the road. You and Voight both jumped out of the car and speed walked to the car. You looked into the car and didn't see anything. You walked around to the trunk where Voight was already opening it up. "Oh, my God,"

You find Justin the same way you found Melissa. Bound with barbed wire. "Justin. He's got a pulse!"

You pulled out your walkie. "Lincoln 5021, emergency. I repeat, emergency,"

Voight was trying to see if he had anymore injuries. "Oh, my God, he's been shot!"

You pushed the button on your walkie again. "I need an ambulance at my current location. We have a gunshot wound victim,"

You and Voight ran into Med with Justin and the paramedics when Maggie came into view. "We have incoming. You're with me. Talk to me,"

"It's my son!"

The paramedic started talking to Maggie. "GSW to the neck. GCS 3, tubed in the ambo. Pupils fixed and dilated. Sinus tachy on the monitor. He was bound in the trunk of a car,"

Maggie pointed into a room and started directing them. "Rotate. Get ready to transfer. Three, two, one--transfer,"

Sharon came up to Voight and started to pull Voight away. " Hank, let's step outside,"

"Is he breathing?"

"I need a CT head. Someone call neurosurgery!"

"Is he still breathing?"

"Checking right now, Hank,"

"Come on, let them do their job,"

Voight had called Antonio and told him what happened and the next thing you knew he had brought Olive and Daniel to the ER. Voight didn't look to pleased at Antonio.

Voight looked at you. "GET everyone back to 21,"

"Dad,"

"Now,"

You had texted everyone in the unit that if they were at 21st to get there. You couldn't call them because you knew if you called them you'd break down. You stood outside the door of 21st for a few minutes before walking into the precinct and then up the stairs to Intelligence. Jay saw you and walked up to you and pulled you into a hug and whispered into your ear. "It's going to be okay. He's going to be okay,"

You let him hold you for a few minutes before you pushed him away. Antonio looked at everyone in the unit before speaking. "Everybody needs to hold on real tight, and you all know what I mean. If at any point you're not comfortable with something, you come tell me,"

You were all looked at Antonio when Antonio stopped talking when he looked at something. You all turned around and saw Voight standing there with a duffel bag in hand. He throws in on Jay's desk and throw out money. "I want you to put word out to all your C.I.'s. That's 90,000 for any information on who did this to Melissa Wilds and my son,"

Kevin slowly got up and walked towards Voight. "Hey, we got this, Serge. Think you should go to the hospital?"

Voight nodded but didn't say anything for a good minute. "All right, let me be clear. I don't need condolences. I need commitment from each of you. I'm gonna do whatever it takes to find who did this. Anybody not comfortable with that should take the next couple of days off,"

You nodded and walked towards the detail board. While holding back tears, you looked at everyone. "So, turns out Justin went through basic training with Peter Wilds

at Fort Campbell before Peter got shipped to Fort Bragg. That's how they knew each other. They stayed close friends. Melissa started reaching out to Justin about four weeks ago.

"Still doesn't tell us how they were mutual targets,"

Jay who is now sitting on his desk, talked next. "Maybe there's a nexus with her job- the law firm,"

"Check it out,"

Voight had started to leave but you had grabbed him and stopped him. "Hey. You have a grandson now, okay? That is counting on you. Just remember that,"

Voight looked at you for a few seconds before nodding.

You were going out of your mind in the car when you and Jay were driving to the law firm. Jay placed a hand on your knee and squeezed it. "It's gonna be okay. Justin is going to wake up and everything will be fine,"

You looked at him and smiled. You appreciated the thought but that's not the biggest thing on your mind. You were worried about what your dad is doing.

Jay pulled up to the law firm and you put everything about your dad and Justin in the back of your mind and put all your focus on the case itself. You walked up to Melissa's boss' office. "Melissa used to be a great employee. Never complained about the hours

or working weekends. But there was definitely something off with her these past few weeks,"

You shifted on your other foot. "How do you mean?"

"Her demeanor. Melissa was always outgoing always had a smile on her face, even after losing her husband, Peter. But lately she'd become withdrawn..distant. To be honest, that's when I started to get suspicious,"

Jay didn't look away from her boss. "Suspicious of what, exactly?"

Her boss didn't answer for a minute thinking about what to say. She held up a finger to signal that she needed a minute. She got up from her desk, shut her office door and then sit back down. "We worked a class action suit last year. Several dozen plaintiffs were awarded mesothelioma cancer pay-outs, all over a million dollars each. three of the plaintiffs were robbed in home invasions, some of them badly injured,"

"Was Melissa the only one with access to this information?"

Her boss shook her head. "Well, no. But the way she was acting, and now what's happened to her, it can't be a coincidence,"

As you were leaving the office, Jay called the unit and told them what Melissa's boss, you got in his truck and he got in his truck after he finished the call. You were driving to the precinct when you got a call telling you to meet the team at a location they think Ginger is at and to suit up. Apparently while you were out, the team had learned the suspect's name. You were also texted a picture of him.

Jay parked a little ways down the street and you guys suited up and walked the rest of the way to meet up with the team. Voight saw you and as soon as you got next to him, he started talking. "This one we don't announce. We hit it and we hit it hard,"

You all nodded. Jay grabbed the battering ram and hit the door. Antonio was in first, Al and Ruzek was next, then you, Voight and Jay. You could hear a woman screaming. You saw three males trying to get up and run. You pointed a gun at one of them. "Don't move!"

Jay pointed the gun at the other. "Right there!"

Voight goes past you to point a gun at the three suspect.. "I'll blow your head off! Let me see your hands. Don't move,"

Antonio looked at the girl. "You, get your clothes. Get out of here,"

When everyone was under control you finally looked up at the three suspect and saw that it was Ginger. " You got a warrant?"

"Melissa Wilds,"

"Never heard of her,"

Voight didn't say anything for a minute then didn't take his eye of him but address the team. "The stove. Cover the door,"

Al and Antonio grabbed Ginger and pulled him over to the store as he turned on the store. "Wait a minute,"

"Justin Voight is my son. You shoot him and wrap him in barb wire?"

"No, man, that wasn't me. It was all Kevin!"

"Kevin who?"

"Kevin Bingham, a guy I work with sometimes. He...he used to bang

that girl Melissa when they were younger, started forcing her to give up info on who was getting big pay-outs from her law firm,"

"Yeah, and you did the home invasions.

"I just do the safes, man. He handles the people, then we split it down the middle,"

"Why did he kill her and shoot my son?"

"Melissa wanted out. But Kevin wouldn't let her, so she went to Justin for help. wanted me to meet him at that social club to broker a deal for her safety for five grand. I told him, leave it alone. He had no idea who he was messing with. Kevin knew Melissa was gonna rat him out, so he called Justin to meet to tie up loose ends!"

"Where's Kevin now?"

"I don't know. I swear! He only calls me when there's a job!"

Voight grabbed Ginger's head and forces it down on the hot burner so he could burn his cheek. Ginger screamed out in pain and you looked away in disgust.

Antonio came up to Voight and tried to pull him off of him. "Voight, we can do this at the district!"

Voight shrugged. "We're fine right here. Relax. Relax. Where's Kevin now?"

"Hiding cause he knows you're after him. I swear to God, that's all I know,"

It's been about two or so hours since you talked to Ginger. You had finally found some information on Bingham. You printed off a picture of Bingham and what you found on him. You also made copies for the team. "Kevin Bingham. He's been racking up felonies since he was 18, armed robbery, assault, battery, burglary. Five years ago he got popped for attempted murder. A guy spilled his drink at a bar, so Bingham stabbed him 16 time,"

Antonio looked up from the sheet. "Yeah, and he got out of jail three months ago,"

Al who was leaning up against the file cabinet talked next. "Melissa's father said she and Bingham dated six years ago back in high school and after her husband died, he started coming around again,"

Jay pointed at the photo that was sent over. "So these were sent over, all of these are from recent home invasions where the victims were tied up with barbed wire,"

Kevin looked at the phone. "That is definitely something he picked up in prison,"

Ruzek comes into the room with a paper in his hand. "So Bingham's parole officer said he stopped showing up-- violated him, but he's got no LKA. Yeah, so we've been running an extensive check on all his known associates, including those off his prison visiting list. All right, this is Dillon James. visited him all the way up until his parole, putting money into his canteen account. He's got priors for methamphetamine and a thing for stealing UPS trucks and selling the stolen goods,"

Voight turned and looked at him. "Where is he?"

"We got a possible house in Rogers Park,"

Voight nodded. "Let's roll out and suit up. Oh, Antonio. You stay here. Just call us if you get anything,"

You hit the house and found his brother but all his brother told you was that Bingham came by last night and took some cash and guns that he was holding for them. He only told him that he needed to get out of town until something blew over.

*Justin was moved to ICU and Sharon will call in an hour with an update*

Dillion: I ain't--I ain't seen him *point the gun at him* All right, he was here! He came by last night. He was picking up some cash I was holding for him and some guns. He also gets a call from Antonio saying Sharon called and told him that Justin came out of surgery and that

You were in the unit for an hour or so when Voight gets a call and goes into his office and he was in there for a few minutes before he comes back out. "I got an address on Bingham. I want everyone rolling there now. First two to arrive, breach. This guy's on the run could be leaving any minute. Let's go,"

You didn’t ride with Jay or anyone else. You rode by yourself so you could have some time by yourself just to think about everything that was happened. You heard your phone go off and you looked down and saw that it was Jay. "Hey, I'm two minutes out,"

"Bingham's not here. No one's here. Not for a while,"

"Is Voight there?"

"Not yet,"

That's when it hit you that Voight sent you to a bogus location and that whoever he was on the phone with, found Bingham and he was at the Silos.

You heard Jay on the line calling for you but you dropped your phone in the seat and as soon as you could turned around. You drove as fast of you could to get to the Silos before your dad could do anything stupid. You drove up and saw that Kevin was digging a hole. You got out of the car and Kevin started talking to you. "Oh, thank God. Thank God. This guy tried to kill me. I didn't do anything,"

You walked up closer to your dad. "Don't do this. Think of your grandson,"

"Get back in your car, Y/N,"

"Do not throw it all away over him,"

"Get back in your car,"

"Dad, please. Justin is still alive and he wouldn't want justice like this,"

"Get out of here,"

"Justin,"

You looked at your dad to Kevin and then back to your dad and knew you couldn't get your dad to think straight. You slowly backed up and got in your car and left. You were halfway down the road when you finally heard the gun go off.

You didn't even go the unit after, you went straight to the hospital and you saw Sharon coming out ready to go home. She saw you. "He is in room 12. Say that I allowed it. Talk to him, he can hear you,"

You nodded and said a silent thank you. She placed a hand on your shoulder for a second before removing it. You walked up to the room and no one bothered you. You took a deep breath before opening the door. You opened the door and saw your brother in the hospital unconscious and Olive sitting next to him. She looked at you. "I'll give you two some time together," You walked to the chair and sat down. You finally let go of all the emotion you've been holding on too since you found Justin. You reached out to grab your brother's hand. You sat there and cry until you couldn't let anything else out. When you were finally done crying, you sat there in quiet thinking of what to say. "I don't know if you can hear me, Sharon says that you can. Do you remember when we first met after dad transferred me into Intelligence. We didn't like each other at well. We hated each other at first. Bickered all the time. Yes, we always had bad times but we also had god times and I want...I need more good times with you. I need you to be in my life..."

You trailed off with what you were about to say because you haven’t said it out loud. "Your niece or nephew is gonna need their uncle,"

You put your head on the side of his bed and just sat in quiet once more. "I'm gonna make them my partner in crime,"

#chicago pd #jay halstead #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead x you #jay halstead imagine #one chicago #hank voight #secret voight #jay halstead x imagine

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peralta-guaranteed · 3 years

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Pre- relationship. Amy having a wet dream about Jake, and then she being distracted at work.

He's leaning over her while she sits at her desk, and he's weirdly close. Too close. She can feel his breath on her jaw, and she bends her head a little to get away from it, and then she feels his lips against her neck, kissing and sucking and nibbling their way up and down, and she gasps and leans back into him. His hand is tangling in her hair that has come undone from her bun, holding her head in place at just the right tilt that he wants, biting dark red hickeys into her skin in places even her blouses won't hide, and they're at work, in the middle of the bullpen, where everyone could see, where everyone could hear her little sighs and whines-

On monday, he leans over her to look at something on her computer as they talk about a case, and her heart stops for a second. He's much further away than he was in her dream tonight, but she can still smell him, his cologne mixed with whatever it is that makes Jake smell of Jake. It was a very prominent scent in her dream as well, and she can feel her thighs tense involuntarily as he leans forward some more to jab a finger against her screen and talk about something she doesn't really hear.

It was just a dream, one silly little dream, where nothing much even happened, so she's not going to put any weight to it or try to find any meaning. Just because she woke up panting and sweating, with the intense need to touch herself being immediately ignored, doesn't mean she has to let it affect her work. So she pretends she's heard what Jake just said, and throws in her own opinion on the case.

The metal sides of the evidence shelves are hard against her spine as he presses her into them, his hand cradling her neck so she doesn't hit her head as he kisses her. Her lips part for barely an inch, and she feels his tongue slip into her mouth, feels it tangle around hers that is so eager to reply. They're slow and sensual in their kiss, breaking apart only to breathe a little before diving back into it, while his free hand roams over her pantsuit. Wraps around her breast and rubs her hard nipple even through her bra. Slides down her side to splay against her butt, nails digging in as he squeezes. Moves on to the front, between her legs, to press his flat palm against her as she moans into his mouth-

She doesn't think about it on tuesday, until she's standing in the evidence locker alone, staring at the boxes on the shelf looking for the case number printed on the files she's holding. The memory of her dream hits her out of nowhere, her face flushing immediately as the feeling of... everything rushes back. It all felt so real that she thinks can still taste him on her lips, but that's just her imagination running wild - she doesn't know what he tastes like, and she doesn't want to know - probably just unbelievably sweet from his sugary breakfast, with a hint of coffee with too much cream in it, and- When the door opens and she hears his voice, she doesn't mean to throw the stack of files straight at his face, that's just where they hit him before he stares at her like she's grown a second head, and she rushes to pick them all up and then run out of the room, completely forgetting the evidence she wanted to check.

The couch of the breakroom is far less disgusting than she remembers, while she leans back and feels large, strong hands pull her hips to the edge of it. Her pantsuit slacks are gone, so she feels his hot breath on her through only her panties, as he rubs the tip of his nose along the gusset. She shivers from top to bottom, which he takes as a prompt to pull the last bit of fabric aside and lick a wide stripe up her heat. She keens when he lands on her clit, swirls slow, perfectly pressured circles around it, two of his wonderful long fingers playing with her folds before pushing into her. He wraps his lips around her clit and sucks, hard, and she screams while his fingers stroke inside her-

She needs coffee on wednesday, but Jake is lying on the couch in the breakroom going over a difficult case with Charles seated at the table. He's just lying there, legs splayed wide, tossing his stretchy bands ball in the air while he talks, and she cannot walk past him. Not without bursting into flames from the heat on her face. Not without staring at his mouth, those soft lips her imagination has created a definitive feel for now on any part of her body. So she goes without coffee, despite being awake since 4am because she couldn't fall back asleep after that dream, clenching her thighs and pressing her face into her pillow to ignore her ache. She'll get over it. (He brings her a cup of coffee half an hour later with a smile and a wink. "5 yawns in ten minutes is a new record, Santiago" he says as he walks on, and she hides her blushing face behind the cup as she empties it.)

He's so hard against her lips as she kisses up and down his shaft, hard and hot and wanting. He groans when she swirls her tongue around his tip, moans an obscene noise as she takes him into her mouth fully, her nose pressing against his lower belly. She can hear the old office chair creak below him as he shifts his hips, tries not to buck into her mouth when she begins to suck and bop her head. "Oh god, Amy, fuck, Ames-" she hears from high above her as she unravels him. One of his hands finds its way into her hair, holds on tight but not forcefully, while the other grabs her hand resting against his thigh, entangles their fingers and squeezes with every moan she pulls out of him. "Ames" becomes almost a mantra, repeated again and again and-

"Santiago." Holt's voice pulls her out of her drifting thoughts on thursday, and she jolts up to stare at him behind his desk, Jake seated next to her. His chair had creaked when he sat down opposite the Captain, and Amy's brain had turned to mush. He's sitting there now, in just the way he did in her dream, casually leant back, his knees jutting out to the sides, as if he was in some bar instead of their superior's office, and God she hates that inquiring look with a raised eyebrow he's giving her right now. She licks her dry lips, cursing the fact that her imagination has not only invented what his lips against her feel like by now, but has gone for the other way around as well. "I'm sorry, sir." She forces herself back to reality. "I didn't hear the last thing you said. Could you repeat it, please?" Both Jake and Holt are giving her that look now, but she's going to power through it. She's a professional.

She's in the interrogation room, and the metal of the handcuffs is cold around her wrists as she stares at the mirrored glass in front of her. The door opens and Jake steps in, his face unreadable as he looks through a file, a view she's seen many times before, but never from this angle. Never from the suspect's chair. "What the hell is going on?!" She barks at him, pulling at the chains wrapped around the metal bar in the table. "That's what I'm wondering." He replies as he drops the files on the table and circles around it until he's beside her, instead of sitting down in the chair opposite. "You've been acting strange all week-" he continues, and oh God, he's noticed... "-and I think I know why." His hand is in her hair, again, and this time it pulls, tilts her head back until she's staring at the ceiling and her mouth opens for him as he bends down to kiss her hard and intense. She's panting when he pulls back, and his eyes are dark and unreadable. "Stand up." He says as he lets go of her hair, and she can't do anything but obey. The cuffs around her hand make her bend over just slightly, unable to straighten her spine, and she leans on the table instead. He undoes the button on her pants, pulls down her zip, and then his hand is between her legs, finds her wet and aching already. Two of his fingers part her as he whispers in her ear. "This what's got you so distracted?" He nibbles on her earlobe. "Thinking about me instead of doing your work?" He kisses her before she can answer - not that she could, the way he's circling her clit again, her thighs burning from standing at this angle. "Let's help you get your mind settled and back to business." She hears before his hand leaves her crotch and she whines at the loss of pressure. He pulls down her pants entirely as he walks behind her, and she hears the chair's legs scuff across the floor, and the clink of a belt buckle. His hands swipe up the back of her thighs, massage her butt and spread her for a second. "Sit down." He commands again, and she does so slowly, feels the stretch of him as she lowers herself on his cock, feels the ache burn deep in her stomach as she clenches around him. She's breathing hard as she adjusts to his size, and her handcuffs are gone in a flash when he pulls her back to lean against his chest, spreads her legs wider across his lap. One hand is wrapped around her still cloth-covered breast, the other already working on her clit again as he begins to thrust into her from his seat, and she meets him with a twist of her hips with every move. It feels so good, exactly what she needs, what she wants, and she's not going to last long, she's going to-

She's sitting in the interrogation room on the right side on friday, a perp staring at her from the other seat, and she's blinking hard to keep the thoughts away. Jake is on the other side of the mirrored glass, she knows that, she knows he's watching her back, probably wondering why she's barely spoken to the drug dealer in front of her so far. She's trying so hard not to think about the most vivid, most detailed dream she's had so far. Tries to ignore the burn in her crotch as she presses her butt deeper into the seat. Tries just as hard not to think about how she just couldn't resist anymore when she woke up at 5am again, slipping her hands into her pajama bottoms first and then yanking open her bedside drawer for her vibrator. She thought it would finally stop the nonsense. Settle her mind so she could get back to business. She hears that last thought in Jake's voice, though, and before the perp in front of her can even say anything, she taps out with the little signal they've agreed on years ago for interrogations.

-*-

"Hey." Jake's voice as he comes up to her in the hallway, after booking the drug dealer into holding, is so soft and kind, so different to the voice that's been swirling around her head ever since she hurried out of the interrogation room as he passed her to go inside. She'd stood in the hidden room behind it as regulations demanded, to be a second witness, but she didn't hear a single thing either of the men in the room said. "Are you okay?" He asks, and she should've expected it, considering she's only ever tapped out of an interrogation twice, and the situations had been far worse then, the reason for her discomfort clearly obvious. "I'm fine." She grinds her teeth, tries not to look at him for fear of what memory her brain might supply. "You've been acting strange all week." He quotes himself from her dream, but it's far less sultry, far more worried. It does not help settle her back into reality, though. "Just... been sleeping real bad. Having a lot of... nightmares. For some reason." She mumbles as an explanation, and he stares at her just a second too long before he nods.

She decides to take a lunch break outside of the bullpen for once and doesn't invite him to come along like she usually would, even as he steps out of the building with her for some reason. When she comes back an hour later, Jake is already gone again on a field call, and she tries not to feel too glad about that. There's a little box on her desk with her full name on it, as much as she can decipher it from his chicken scratch, and her heart hitches. She looks around if anyone is watching before opening it, but everyone's head down into their work, and Charles is probably out with Jake. A small, silver dragon plushie hides inside the box, with green marble eyes and glittery spikes along his tail. She both smiles and furrows her eyebrows when she picks it up in wonder, finding a small card attached like a collar.

I eat nightmares it says, in the same wonderful chicken scratch she knows so well. She dreams about a knight that night, come to rescue a princess from her tower, only to discover that she and the dragon are actually best friends, having an exorbitant feast for lunch. He apologises for the misunderstanding, takes off his helmet and asks if he can join them, and when he throws meat strips for the dragon to catch later, he turns over to the princess and smiles at her, that wide, wonderful grin only a Peralta could give. And if the princess leans over to kiss it off of his face before Amy wakes up, well, she doesn't mind it for once, hugging her dragon plushie tighter to her chest and drifting back to sleep.

#B99 #Brooklyn 99 #Peraltiago #Jake Peralta #Amy Santiago #smexy times #that tag has to hold out until I find something better #Title of my s*x tape

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spencersstrawberryjello · 3 years

Text

Shitty Slasher Film (Spencer Reid + gn!MC - platonic)

Summary: SPOILERS FOR SEASON 8 (and minor season 7 spoilers but I figure if you’ve seen season 8 you’ve probably seen season 7 already lmao) MC and Spencer decide to go see a slasher film, but it takes a turn for the worse when the killer begins to stalk his victim.

Content: Hurt/Comfort (because literally what else do I write at this point)

Warnings: Descriptions of violence, depressive thoughts, and swearing

MC’s name and pronouns: Neither explicitly mentioned

Word Count: 2285

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The plan was simple.

We were going to see a new horror movie in the theaters - it seemed similar to a slasher film that Morgan, Garcia, Reid and I had seen like six or seven months ago, so I didn’t think anything of it when we booked the tickets. Morgan and Garcia couldn’t make it tonight, unfortunately, but we still elected to go on our own, thinking it would be a fun little outing. That was, until the film started.

The lights came up on a woman, walking through a back alley alone, at night. Typical. I even glanced over at Spencer and rolled my eyes a bit, and he grinned at the stereotypical horror movie trope.

She died, of course, and for the first half of the movie I genuinely thought it was going to be exactly what we assumed. We were laughing at the ridiculousness of it all, with the stupid special effects and the subpar acting. But everything went off the rails after the first half of the movie.

The killer had revealed his primary target, his endgame, and - much to my horror - he had begun to stalk her.

Scenes of her creating a disguise, moving houses, throwing away her phone, spun a dark web that I didn’t ever want to think about. But I had more pressing things to worry about than my fear at a movie that was literally intended to make you scared.

I glanced over at Spencer, and I could tell that his breathing had picked up. His hands were gripping the arms of the chair, knuckles as white as his face had turned. I put a hand over his, and his attention snapped to me.

“Hey, are you alright?” I asked him. It was a stupid question, and one I already knew the answer to, but it was the first thing I could think to say. He looked like he was weighing his options for a moment before he shook his head.

“Do you want to leave?” I followed. He nodded, eyes wild, and we quickly grabbed our bags and left, just as the stalker had pulled a gun on his victim. Spencer took one last look at the screen, watching with wide eyes as the victim begged for her life. It was like a trainwreck; he couldn’t take his eyes off the movie, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him as the stalker pulled the trigger, and the woman crumpled to the ground. He practically jumped out of his skin when the gunshots fired, and I grabbed his arm to usher him out.

I didn’t realize the full extent of his panic until we made it out of the theater, bursting through the doors into the significantly brighter lights of the hallway. He immediately sat down on the couch near the doors, head in his hands, breathing rapidly.

“Ok, you’ve gotta breathe, Reid. You’ve gotta breathe, alright? In through your nose, out through your mouth, can you do that?” I adjusted my breathing to fit the pattern, and saw that he had started to slow his as well. “Good, ok… we can sit here for as long as you need to, just focus on your breathing.”

He gave me an almost imperceptible nod, continuing to breathe slowly before lifting his head from his hands. His eyes were red, and it was clear he’d been trying to fight off tears.

“Reid, I’m so sorry -”

It was at that moment that he cut me off with a hug, tucking his head in the crook of my neck as I felt his body lightly shake with sobs. After a second I hugged him back, not used to physical affection from him, but not opposed as long as he was ok with it.

“It reminded you too much of Maeve, didn’t it?” I asked, trying to ensure that the story I had in my head was correct. He nodded, his breath coming in short gasps again, and I hugged him a bit tighter. “Reid, I’m so sorry, I never would’ve suggested this movie if I’d known the turn the story was going to take.”

He shook his head, sucking in deep breaths before finally attempting to speak. “No, no, it’s ok, I know that you wouldn’t have done this on purpose. It’s just…”

He trailed off, but I knew what he was trying to say. “I was there that day, Reid. I know how much she meant to you.”

“The girl in the movie kind of looked like her. You know? Same hair, same face shape… when I saw the fear in her eyes, all I could imagine was Maeve, terrified, with a gun to her head. The woman I love - loved. The woman I loved. Scared, and alone.”

“Oh, Reid… you know it’s not your fault, right? You did everything you could to save her.”

“No. No, I didn’t. I should’ve closed my eyes, I should’ve tackled Diane - hell, I should’ve shot that bitch the minute I walked into the room! Instead I stood there. I stood there while the woman I loved died in front of me, and I didn’t do anything to stop it.”

“Spencer.” I put my hands on his shoulders, pulling back from the hug to look into his eyes. “You absolutely cannot blame yourself for this. What happened to Maeve was horrible, but it was not your fault. And you can’t live your life with that on your conscience.”

“Maybe I deserve to.” His voice was soft as he tucked his head back into the crook of my neck, and I put my arms around him, one hand lightly rubbing his back. My heart broke for the man in my arms - my best friend - as he sniffled, a few stray tears still trickling down his face.

“You don’t deserve to live with that kind of guilt, Spencer. Guilt for something you didn’t even do. And I’m so, so sorry that you feel that way. And I’m so sorry about what happened.”

“Sorry doesn’t make it go away,” He argued, his voice muffled by the fabric of my t-shirt, “Sorry doesn’t bring her back.”

I heard his voice hitch when he said it, and I held him a bit tighter. “I know it doesn’t.”

He was silent for a moment before he spoke again, his voice thick with tears begging to be released. “I just wish I could bring her back.”

It was as if saying it broke something in him, and I felt his body shake as he cried again, consumed by grief and guilt unlike anything I could ever imagine. He was usually so closed off about his emotions that having him crying in my arms was a rare occurrence, even after years of friendship. The last time he was like this was after Emily’s… “death,” and even that wasn’t near as intense.

I wasn’t sure how long we sat on that bench, the orange lights of the movie theater hallway creating a strange liminal sensation as I held Spencer, finally releasing the emotions he’d clearly been pushing away since Maeve’s death.

Eventually, he stopped crying, his breathing returning to something close to normal, and he pulled away from me, his eyes red from tears.

“I’m sor -”

“Nope, do not even start to apologize. There’s nothing to apologize for.”

He closed his mouth, contemplating saying something else for a second before nodding, hugging me again.

“Thank you.”

“Of course, Reid. Do you want to go back to my place? We can order a pizza, and watch a movie - something we know this time. If you need to be alone, I understand, but -”

He shook his head. “I’d like that.”

“Good,” I sucked in a deep breath, trying to steady my own breathing after everything that just happened, “Good. Are you ok to walk to the car?”

“Yeah… I’m not sure how talkative I’m going to be tonight though…” He kind of trailed off, clearly drained, but not wanting to be alone.

“I understand; you know there’s no expectations with me, Reid. If you want to just wrap yourself up in a blanket and eat junk food, I get it. I just want to be there, to make sure that you’re ok.”

He gave me a small smile, and I grinned, grabbing his hand to help him off the bench. We made our way out to my car, and I climbed in, starting it before turning on the radio.

Spencer was pretty much silent the entire drive back to my apartment, the noise in the car mostly consisting of the music and my less than stellar singing. When we finally pulled into the complex, we headed upstairs to my place.

“I’m gonna order the food. Do you wanna find something on Netflix you like?” I asked as I unlocked the door. He nodded, and I threw my keys on the kitchen counter, putting in the pizza order on my computer. I saw him grab a blanket from the basket in the living room, wrapping it around his shoulders and plopping down on my couch.

I expected to return to the living room to see whatever movie we were watching cued up on the TV. Instead, I saw Spencer, staring at the wall across from him, remote untouched on the coffee table.

“Hey,” I sat down next to him, gently putting one hand on his shoulder, “Is there anything else you want to talk about?”

He was silent for a moment, and I could see the mental battle he was fighting. Eventually, he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I’m afraid… I’m afraid that if I allow myself to grieve, if I allow myself to think about what happened, I won’t be able to stop. It’s been almost four months, I thought the pain would be gone by now. But it isn’t, it’s… I just miss her. I miss her so much.”

“I know, Reid. I know.”

He leaned into me, and I didn’t hesitate to wrap my arms around him, the thoughts of pizza and a movie completely abandoned in my mind. Instead, all of my attention was on Spencer as he spoke again.

“On the last case, Rossi talked to me. I told him that I wasn’t sleeping because whenever I did, I would dream of her. Of Maeve. And everytime I saw her, I felt nothing but relief flooding my mind. I told him how she would always ask me to dance, and how I always said no. I never even got to hold her when she was alive, and I was scared that if I gave into the fantasy, I would be lost forever,” He took in a shaky breath before he continued, “And he said I should. He said, ‘just let it happen, Spencer.’ So I did. I danced with her, I held her, and when I woke up, she was all I could think about. The way it felt to wrap my arms around her, the way her head fit perfectly into the crook of my neck while we danced. It took another day before I could think about anything but her, before I could stop wallowing in my grief enough to function. And since that night, I haven’t allowed myself to give into the fantasy again, the fantasy of having her back. I think… I think that if I let it happen again, I won’t be able to come back from it. It’ll just consume me.”

“Spencer…” I trailed off, unsure of what to say. He just shook his head, telling me I didn’t need to say anything as we sat there on my couch in silence. He wasn’t crying, he hadn’t cried since we left the theater. He was just… hollow. Everything that he’d been trying to repress - to compartmentalize - had finally caught up to him, in the form of a shitty slasher movie that we’d gotten cheap tickets to see.

I held him tighter, wishing that I could figure out something to say to comfort him, to take away his pain. But I knew there was nothing I could do. Nothing I could do but just be there.

“Have you ever considered talking to someone? Like, not someone from the team - a professional?” I asked.

“I’ve thought about it. But… we’re experts in human behavior, you know? What’s a therapist going to be able to tell me that I can’t already profile myself?”

“Well, it might be helpful to have a licensed professional to talk to about this stuff. Someone who can actually give you advice on how to handle your emotions. Because as much as I am absolutely here for you no matter what, I’m afraid I’m not great at mental health advice.”

“Yeah… maybe.” He sounded dubious about the idea, and while I wanted to encourage him further, I didn’t want to push him today. So I settled for just gently rubbing his back as he laid in my arms, staring at the wall. Eventually, the doorbell rang, and I got up to get the pizza, bringing it back into the living room and setting it down on the coffee table. By now, he’d sat up, the blanket still pulled around his shoulders, but at least a bit more present.

“Thank you,” He said, for the second time that day. I just smiled at him.

“Of course. I love you, Reid. And I’m always here, whatever you need.”

“I love you too,” He gave me a small smile back before turning his attention to the coffee table, “But I also love food - I’m starving.”

I laughed as I handed him a plate, joining him on the couch as we both dug in.

#criminal minds #spencer reid #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid hurt/comfort #criminal minds hurt/comfort #spencer reid angst #criminal minds angst #best friends with spencer #platonic spencer reid #platonic hurt/comfort #angst #hurt/comfort #gn!MC #gender neutral mc

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hamliet · 3 years

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The Girl Who Gets to Have It All: Buffy Summers

So with @linkspooky‘s encouragement, I have binged Buffy the Vampire Slayer and relived my childhood culture. And, it's a 10/10 for me. Not that it doesn't have flaws, but it's genuinely one of the best stories I've seen, with consistent character arcs, powerful themes, and a beautiful message. It's also like... purportedly about vampires and demons and superpowered chosen ones, but it's actually all about humanity.

Buffy was able to be a teenage girl, allowed to like the things teen girls are scorned for (boys, shopping, etc), to be insecure about the thing teenage girls are insecure about (future careers, dating, school, parents), and to be a superhero with its good and its bad aspects. The story wasn’t afraid to call Buffy on her flaws (sometimes she got in a very ‘I am the righteous chosen one’ mode) and to respect and honor each of her desires (to be a good person, to be loved, and more). The story listened to what she wanted and respected her desires, giving her the challenges needed to overcome her flaws while also never teaching her a lesson about wanting bad boys or romance is silly or any manner of dark warnings stories like to throw at teenage girls.

It respected teenage girls--nerdy girls like Willow, jocks like Buffy, lonely wallflowers with trauma like Dawn, and popular/snobby ones like Cordelia, girls gone wild like Faith. It never once reduced them to the stereotypes that were lurking right there: each character was fully rounded, human, flawed and yet with respected interests and goals. This is so rare for a story that I’m still in awe.

The story as a whole follows Buffy from 15 to 21, of her as she grows from teenager to adult. She acts like a teenager and grows to act like a young adult, wrestling with loneliness and duty. The adults, like Giles, Joyce, and Jenny, are not perfect either, but neither are they “bad parents” or “bad mentors” necessarily. Joyce in particular says something terrible to Buffy, but she tries to do better, and it’s rare to see a parent in YA stories shown with such nuance. Basically, it wrote the long-lasting adult characters as human beings, too.

Speaking of growing up, I appreciated how Buffy’s love interests mirrored this. Angel was someone Buffy loved and admired, wanted to be like, but who was always either extreme good or extreme bad, and combined with Buffy’s own tendencies towards black-white thinking, made for a beautiful relationship to help her grow, but didn’t necessarily form a foundation for a long-term partner. Spike, on the other hand... they both saw each other at their worst and were drawn to each other even then, and were inspired to become better because they couldn’t bear to be a person who treated the other person so wrongly. They pushed each other to become the best them they could be, and believed in each other. Also, Spuffy is an enemies to lovers ship for the ages.

(Also, most of the other ships were well-done or at least can be understood. Riley was very obviously wrong for Buffy which paralleled Harmony and Spike in being 100% wrong for each other. Cordelia and Xander were a fun ship even if we all knew it would never last, and Willow and Oz were beautiful and cute. But Xander and Anya and Willow and Tara? OTPs. As were Giles and Jenny, the librarian and the computer teacher.)

That said, it’s not a perfect series. No story is. All of the characters and ships had problematic aspects to them worthy of critique, and the writing is very 90s in a lot of ways. It’s a product of its time, and in many ways it’s good society has progressed beyond some of the tropes/metaphors used in the show. In other way, though, the show was ahead of its time, and in a good way it wasn’t bound by the fear of purity policing with its takes on redemption (many characters would never fly today).

So, in order of seasons ranked from my very favorite to my “still enjoyed it very much” (no season was actually bad, imo), here’s my review. I’ll also review my top 10 villains in the show, because Buffy does villains very well in terms of the redeemable and irredeemable.

Season 7: Yep, the final season was my favorite.

Overall Opinion: Buffy's finale is literally "f*ck them men, our power is ours" and while it seems cheesy it actually works (also, f*ck in both a literal and figurative sense). The series strongly hit all the themes: love as strength, and redemption. Buffy consistently shows love as her strength--*all* kinds of love. Friendship w Willow/Xander, familial with Joyce/Dawn, romantic with Spike/Angel. These types of love are also never pitted against each other as is so often the case in current-day media. It's beautiful. Also, Spike’s confrontation with Wood was so powerful in terms of exploring forgiveness, redemption, and reconciliation: where they overlap and where they don't, and what it means to move forward.

Unpopular Opinion: I have seen a lot didn’t like the inclusion of Potential Slayers, and while I agree they could have been better incorporated/characterized, it was a great way to show Buffy’s final stage of growing up to be ending her chosen one status and projecting/multiplying her powers over the world.

Biggest Critique: Kennedy was female Riley--the anti-Tara to Riley’s anti-Angel (by ‘anti’ I mean opposite in every way). Kennedy was annoying and immature. Her role, like Riley’s, was less about exploring her as a character and more about her just being stamped as “love interest: lesbian.”

Favorite Episodes: Beneath You, Lies My Parents Told Me, Touched, Chosen

Season 6:

Overall Opinion: I said this on Twitter, but I felt like this was Buffy’s The Last Jedi or Empire Strikes Back moment. It is polarizing and dark, deconstructing the tropes it stands on--but by digging to the core of these tropes, it actually makes what’s good about them shine brighter. Everyone’s enemy was the worst versions of themselves. Giles left Buffy, Willow's struggle to relate to the world led to her trying to destroy it, Buffy hurt everyone through her anger, Xander abandoned Anya at the altar, Spike... yeah. It ages well as an integral part of the story, and the Trio were eerily prophetic.

Unpopular Opinion: Dawn is a great character with a good arc. A traumatized teen acting out and struggling to come to terms with loss and identity? She wasn’t whiny; she was realistic.

Biggest Critique: Willow’s addiction coding (I’ll discuss this below) and Seeing Red as an episode. I see the argument for both of its controversial scenes from a narrative perspective: Willow starts the season not grieving Buffy but instead being determined to fix it with magic and needs to learn to grieve, but. Still. Bury your gays is not a good look. For the Spike scene... he conflates sex/passion and violence (”love is blood, children” is something he said way back in season 3), but like Tara’s death, it had more to do with Spike (as Tara’s death did for Willow) than with Buffy’s arc, and as for the actual execution... they really botched that. Did it like... have to go on that long or go that far? No. Also, the framing was good, but inconsistent with the rest of the series (Xander to Buffy in the hyena episode, Faith to Xander and to Riley, etc.)

Favorite Episodes: Once More With Feeling, Smashed, Grave

Season 3 (tied with Season 5):

Overall Opinion: The opening continuity of Buffy meeting Lily/Anne after saving her life in Season 2 was sweet. The Witchhunt episode had really powerful subtext: stories of deaths that aren’t even true are actually demons that possess the town and convince them to turn against their children in the name of protecting the children. It’s a good commentary on, oh, everything in society. Faith’s character arc was fantastic, and her chemistry with Buffy was off the charts (look, I may be Spuffy all the way, but Fuffy has rights). The finale was satisfying in so many ways, seeing the entire graduating class unite to destroy the Mayor and the school with it, symbolizing Buffy et al’s readiness to move on to college. Oz's relationship with Willow was very sweet and meaningful for a first romance for Willow.

Unpopular Opinion: I actually don’t really have one. Maybe that the miracle in Amends was earned? I think you can make a decent case that Season 3 is the best written of the seasons, but can only truly be thematically appreciated to its full potential in the light of subsequent seasons (which finish Faith’s arc and deconstruct Buffy’s).

Biggest Critique: It forgot Buffy killed the hyena guy in Season 1, making her continual insistence that she can’t kill people very ?????

Favorite Episodes: Lovers Walk, Amends, Graduation Day Part 2

Season 5, which ties with Season 3:

Overall Opinion: The entire season is about family and what it means, from Tara’s to Buffy’s to the Scoobies. I loved Glory aka Enoshima Junko as the Big Bad, I loved Dawn’s interesting meta commentary on retconning (like, the fact that she’s retconned in matters), and most of my ships are still alive. Joyce’s relationship with Spike is one of the most heartwarming aspects, and Spike’s arc’s desire is clearly highlighted: he wants to be seen as a person. The episodes after Joyce’s death are the most honest portrayals of grief I’ve ever seen, and absolutely brutal to watch.

Unpopular Opinion: Buffy’s choice at the end seems a deliberate inversion of her choice at the end of Season 2 (sacrifice a loved one to save the world), but it actually isn’t: much like at the end of Season 2 where Buffy skips town because she’s devastated after killing Angel and doesn’t want to sort out being expelled, her mom knowing she’s the slayer, and her own trauma, Buffy’s sacrifice here was as much about her wanting the easy way out of relationships, family, college, etc. as it was about saving Dawn. Buffy’s death is coded as a suicide, which Season 6 emphasizes as well.

Biggest Critique: Like Season 3, I don’t have a lot to critique here. I wish the suicidal coding had been a little more obvious in Season 5 itself, but also I’m not sure it could have been more obvious; it’s pretty apparent if you pay attention. Maybe also that Buffy and Riley’s relationship failing should have been more squarely blamed on Riley, you know, being insecure and cheating.

Favorite Episodes: Family, Fool for Love, Intervention.

Season 2:

Overall Opinion: Heartbreakingly tragic but exciting and revealing at the same time. It asked the viewer interesting questions about redemption and forgiveness and atonement through Angel being honest about his past, and then decided to show us his past now reenacted, challenging us. And still, we saw them save him in a parallel to saving Willow in Season 6 (but Season 2 was tragic because it wasn’t enough, while Season 6 was not). Jenny’s death was agonizing, and the scene were Angel watches Buffy, Willow, and Joyce get the news through the window was powerful. We didn’t have to hear them to get the grief.

Unpopular Opinion: Jenny’s death isn’t a fridging; it works for her arc too when you consider her history. She worked to save the person whose life she was tasked to ruin, and it cost her her own--yet she still succeeded, because Jenny brought joy and wisdom to the show. Kendra’s death, on the other hand... was because they needed the stakes to be high--but we already knew that before she died. So, her death was useless.

Biggest Critique: The subtext was Not It. It was essentially “do not have sex. Your older boyfriend will lose his soul, kill your friends, you’ll lose your family, your school, your home, and have to kill your true love or else hell will literally swallow earth.”

Favorite Episodes: School Hard, Passion, Becoming Part 2.

Season 1:

Overall Opinion: I really liked it; it’s just lower on this list because the others are just better. It’s a great introduction to the series and to its characters, from Giles to Buffy to Willow to Jenny to Cordelia. It has great subtext a lot of the time (for example, Natalie French as She-Mantis is a literal predatory bug who engages in predatory behavior with students). Additionally, it subverts the typical YA trope of two guys and a girl, in which the girl is usually the least interesting character. Buffy and Willow were both fully fledged characters from the beginning with distinct strengths (even before Willow became a witch, as she wasn’t one in season 1 yet), while Xander was the more ordinary of the group.

Unpopular Opinion/Biggest Critique: Xander’s arc showed its first flaws that unfortunately continued throughout the series: his writing was either very good or very indulgent in ways it never was for other characters. (cough, the hyena episode, cough, in which he gets to skirt responsibility--and acknowledges that he is skirting it--for something the show will later hold others to account for). Xander’s just kind of inconsistent, which weakened his character over all. (Which is why both his love interests--Cordelia and then ultimately Anya--were good for him: they did not indulge him.)

Favorite Episode: Witch, Nightmares.

Season 4:

Overall Opinion: it’s still a good season. It’s a good portrayal of college and the growing pains of branching out, the strains of college growth on relationships (romantic and platonic). It shows us the first hints of Spuffy, giving us some serious Jungian symbolism between Spike and Buffy early on, and does well in establishing Xander/Anya and Willow/Tara as beautiful OTPs. Faith and Buffy’s foiling is fantastic. The Halloween episode was very fun as well. However, it suffers because its Big Bad, Adam, is not all that compelling thematically--yet, he could have been. See, the final battle pulls off the Power of Friendship in a really strong way but notably the season does not end there. Instead, it ends on dreams of each character’s worst fears, continuing what we saw in Nightmares in Season 1. Why? Because it shows us that the characters’ wars aren’t against monsters, but monsters of their own making: their flaws. Adam, as a literal Frankenstein, exemplifies this, but it wasn’t capitalized on as well as it could have been.

Unpopular Opinion: Beer Bad isn’t a bad episode, at the very least because Buffy gets to punch Parker. It’s not one of the series’ best, obviously, but it does give Buffy an arc in that she gets her daydream of Parker begging her to come back, but she has overcome that desire and her desire for revenge. If we wanna talk about bad subtext in Season 4, Season 2′s Not It sex subtext continues in the Where the Wild Things Are episode in this season; it’s a powerful callout of abusive purity-culture churches, until the fact that the shame creates a literal curse undermines the progressive message it’s supposed to send. Also, the Thanksgiving episode (Pangs) is a nightmare of white guilt and Oh God Shut Up White People.

Biggest Critique: Riley is awful. Like Kennedy, he had “love interest:normal” stamped on him and that was it. The thing is, he could have worked as an Angel foil, representative of the normal-life aspect of Buffy to Angel’s vampire/supernatural aspect, but the writers never explore this and seemed to even try to back away from that later on. They threw all the romantic cliches at the wall to see what sticks, from klutzy “I dropped my schoolbooks, that’s how we met” to cliché lines that had me rolling my eyes. Do you know how bad a romance has to be to make me dislike romantic tropes?

Favorite Episodes: Fear Itself, Hush, Restless

Villain rankings:

Dark Willow, the only villain to be truly sympathetic. While the addiction coding was insensitive and, while unsurprising for its time, aged extremely poorly. That said, Willow’s turn to the dark side after Tara’s death worked well for her character and the story: it was believable and paid off what had been building since Season 1's “Nightmares” episode (Willow’s inferiority complex).

Glory managed to be genuinely terrifying, and humorous/enjoyable too. Her minions and their numerous nicknames for Glorificus were hilarious, as was her intense vanity. Her merging with Ben--a human being who genuinely wanted to be kind and good--added complexity and tragedy to her role.

The First. A really good take on Satan. The seventh season as well as the First’s first appearance in season 3′s “Amends” had kind of blatant Christian symbolism, and so the First being essentially Satan works. Their disguising themselves as dead loved ones and the subtle manipulation they used to alienate people was really disturbing and well done.

The Mayor, who was a terrible person but a truly good father. He provided an interesting contrast to the normal ‘bad dad’ bad guy character, in that he provided Faith exactly what the other characters refused to: he saw the best in her and offered her parental support, while the heroes didn’t and wound up pushing her away.

The Trio, who were villains ahead of their time: whiny fanboy reddit dudebros, basically. The stakes seemed so much lower than fighting Glory, a literal god, the previous season. But that’s why they worked so well for Season 6′s human themes, and were especially disturbing because we all know people like them. I also appreciated the surprisingly sensitive takes on Jonathan and Andrew, who got to redeem themselves, but Warren did not, and I don’t think he should have either.

Angelus + Drusilla. I’m ranking them below the Trio because Angelus was just sooooo different from Angel that it was difficult for me to feel the same way for him. He was still Angel, so it wasn’t possible to enjoy his villainy, but he also wasn’t nearly as sympathetic as Dark Willow, had no redeeming qualities like the Mayor, and wasn’t as disturbingly realistic as the Trio. However, the emotional stakes were excellently executed with him as the Big Bad, in that you were never quite sure how to feel and it just plain hurt. Also, Drusilla was a favorite recurring character. She was sympathetic and yet batsh*t enough to be enjoyable as a villain at the same time.

The Master, who was just completely camp and really worked as an introductory villain. He was scary enough to believe he was a threat, and was funny enough to introduce the series’ humor as well. He was, like Glory, an enjoyable Big Bad.

The Gentlemen, the one-off villains of Season 4′s Hush who were genuinely terrifying. It’s not as if they got a lot of explanation or any backstory, but they didn’t need it.

Caleb, the misogynist priest. Fitting with the First’s Christian symbolism, Caleb serving as a spokesperson of all bad religious beliefs felt appropriate. He was also a good foil to Warren--being actually supernaturally powered instead of a wannabe--and to Tara’s family in being full-out evil. I despised him.

Snyder. Okay Snyder is not a Big Bad like Adam is, but let’s face it: Adam is lame compared to the other villains. But Snyder as a principal? He was so irritating and yet really well used in the series to critique overly strict, hypocritical teachers. Like, we all know teachers like him. I loved to hate him, and his ending was so satisfying.

#buffy the vampire slayer #btvs #spuffy #buffy summers #dawn summers #spike #angel #cordelia chase #btvs giles #willow rosenberg #tillow #tara maclay #anya jenkins #xanya #xander harris #jenny calendar #kendra young #faith lehane #hamliet reviews

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