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the-seas-song · 3 years

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Richard Armitage and Astrology

Hi! I find astrology fascinating, and am an armchair expert on it myself, so I found Richard's comments in his recent Total Film Magazine interview very interesting. This is what he said:

I’ve been incredibly lucky. I’ve dabbled with having my celestial chart looked at every couple of years, just for a little tune-up. Every time, the guy sighs, and goes, “What can I say? You’ve just got a sprinkle of luck.” And I say, “That’s good, because I don’t have the talent, so I really need the luck!”

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There is a naughty, dark side to me. I am quite strongly affected by the moon. So if there’s a full moon I’ll go a bit crazy. (source)

This isn't the first time Richard's mentioned astrology – he's mentioned being a Leo, reading his daily horoscope, and finding out he was born in the Chinese Year of the Pig; but these were all informal twitter comments. He has also mentioned the effect the moon has on him before, in February 2020:

“Everyone has cycles of positive mental and emotional feelings and negative mental and emotional feelings and I know that I am profoundly affected on a monthly cycle. I always look at the calendar when I'm feeling particularly low and check the lunar cycle to see if it's a full or new moon.” (source)

However, what prompted me to write this is that Richard's personal put-downs were even more direct here than usual; and the connection that has to his natal, or birth, chart.

A little disclaimer: Personally, I think general horoscopes (like the ones you find in magazines) do far more harm than good. They are based solely on the twelve sun signs, and your sun sign is just one puzzle piece out of 25+ pieces that make up your natal chart. This is why many people don't relate to their horoscope or it's personality description.

Your natal chart, however, is a whole different animal. It's an intricate puzzle created by the exact date, time, and location you were born; which is why most people find their natal charts to be scarily accurate.

Back during the Hobbit days, a fan blog reported that Richard told a NZ fan that his birth time was just after 4 a.m. I used 4:05 for this post, and being off by a few minutes doesn't really make a difference.

Richard and self-esteem

I really feel for and relate to Richard's self-esteem struggles, because our charts mirror each other. We are both Leo suns; but I have my moon in Aries with my MC and Chiron conjunct each other in Virgo and sextile my North Node; while Richard has his moon in Virgo with his MC and Chiron conjunct each other in Aries and sextile his North Node.

What on earth does that mean?

Each planet represents a different part of you. The sun represents your ego/conscious self; the moon your emotions, mercury your mind/intellect, venus love and beauty/aesthetics, mars passion and drive, etc.

On top of the twelve planets, there are specific points and asteroids that are also important. Your MC, or Midheaven, represents your career and public persona. Your North Node describes your inner journey and life purpose. The asteroid Chiron describes your major soul wound, that you will be forced to deal with throughout your life.

A conjunction and a sextile are two of several different kinds of aspects. The different kinds of aspects are the different ways your respective puzzle pieces can interact with each other. Some are 'easy/positive' and some 'difficult/negative'. A sextile is considered easy/positive. A conjunction means two things are next to each other and overlap with one another, and is usually considered positive.

Leo and Aries are both fire signs. Fire signs are generally playful, warm, passionate, confident, and optimistic. Virgo is an earth sign. Earth signs are generally practical, grounded, sensual, and logical.

Richard's personality is dominated by an almost equal amount of Leo and Virgo influence, with both his sun (core self) and venus (love and beauty) in Leo and his moon (emotions) and mercury (mind) in Virgo.

Aries and Virgo are said to be the most difficult Chiron signs, because they are the wounds tied directly to your self-worth (Aries is the wound of Self and Virgo is the wound of Perfection). With Aries Chiron you feel a core sense of worthlessness, like you're missing a fundamental piece of your core self. This deeply felt lack of self-worth leads people to be people pleasers and have issues with confrontation and conflict.

Aries rules the planet mars. It is the warrior planet of passion, drive, and combat. A conventional Aries is confident, outgoing, impulsive, and strong willed. Aries and mars are definitely the rowdiest sign and planet in the zodiac. However, with Chiron here the traits are inverted, and so someone like Richard is much more likely to be scared of his inner passion, confidence, and willpower – depending, of course, on what the rest of his chart is like.

That leads us to Virgo. Chiron Virgo feels impure, like there is something fundamentally wrong with them. This kind of low self-esteem makes you feel like you have to constantly try to 'fix' yourself so people will love and accept you. It's an OCD type of perfectionism that only ends in failure and heartbreak.

A good example of how this works is when I talked to my therapist recently. I hadn't quite succeeded in meeting my goals, and so my automatic response was to condemn myself for failing. My therapists immediate response was to congratulate me on how much progress I had made.

Ironically, unlike with Aries, this isn't an inversion of the conventional Virgo. Conventional Virgo is meticulous, detail-oriented, focused, patient, efficient, practical, perfectionistic, systematic, and pessimistic with high expectations. If Aries is the official warrior of the zodiac, Virgo is the official nit-picker.

This means that Richard's subconscious intellectually (mercury) and emotionally (moon) expects and demands perfection, whilst simultaneously feeling fundamentally worthless. In short: ouch.

Interestingly, a significant number of celebrities have their Chiron conjunct their MC. Personally, I think Richard hit the nail on the head as to why in his essay on the Human Condition for Cybersmile:

The answer in my humble opinion, (and believe me it is humble, to a point of taking 43 years to be shared) is actually something which applies to my work as an actor. It’s why sometimes actors are called in to work with therapists, in large corporations, in schools. It’s why drama therapy is fantastic to understand what we do, how we do it and what the outcome might be, and in an improvisation where we aren’t playing ourselves sometimes we explore avenues that are too frightening or unacceptable in our own lives.

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So going back to my very first point, the “social media society” in which we’d all like to feel safe, supported, excited, creative, spontaneous, innovative, courageous, is really in our own hands. And back to acting, it’s taken me a long time to shake off the effects of bullying in school. That people were always laughing behind my back. I was always looking out of the corner of my eye. I now have incredible peripheral vision which is so useful, (as is Kinesthetic sense…Google it) but try being a brave, experimental, uninhibited actor with all of those hang ups. Wasn’t happening.

So here is the thing, and it’s key to my work and I think ours as a community. When we speak or write, we ultimately desire to ‘affect’. If we aren’t watching the destination of that affect, then how do we know our words have landed and the ‘effect’ they have caused?

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If I have a strong opinion about something which I want to express I really task myself with backing it up with the ‘why do I feel that?’

Again it’s part of my work building a believable character, and actually part of building a believable ‘me’ outside of my work. Just.. “because that’s what I feel” is a bit of a cop out.

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As for Bullying, it’s like the moment the pot boils over, or it’s the poisoned stream that can’t be cleansed, so why bother. Well I think that’s what art is for. It’s can support the best and the worst of ourselves. We can ‘attack’ a canvas with black angry paint, we can ‘savage’ a piano keyboard, we can dance until we drop, we can read about a Puritan society who executed elders, we can explore the psychology of a serial killer, and when we can’t do this ourselves we can experience it, and witness it through others.

It’s more than being nice. Edward Munch’s “The Scream” is far from nice. Francisco Goya’s “Saturn” is horrific, Metallica, Die Antwoort etc etc. But then there is Monet, Faure, Renée Fleming, Peter Jackson, Ariana Grande (ok it’s getting a bit eclectic I admit) but when we look, listen and empathize, we tune in to the Human Condition.

We are all part of The Human Condition, whether we like it or not. Social Media. Expression. The Human Condition.

Us human beings are wired for emotion and connection. For actors, their career gives them a way to safely process and explore their personal wounds through the characters they play. For Richard in particular, his mars is conjunct his North Node. So, his mars and North Node are sextile his Chiron and MC.

Remember, Aries (the sign of Richard's Chiron and MC) is ruled by mars. Mars is the warrior planet, like Aries is the warrior sign. This means that Richard's spiritual journey/life's purpose (North Node) deals directly with healing his soul wound so he can accept and embrace his inner confidence and willpower. This explains why he ends up playing a lot of ultra-masculine characters – mars/Aries are the most macho of them all.

This isn't to say I think Richard should change who he is! I wouldn't be interested in him if he was ultra-masculine or macho. However, for his own sake, I would be overjoyed to see him gain more self-esteem and inner confidence.

Extrapolating from my own personal experiences, the constant criticism and judgement I received during my adolescence from my peers and various authority figures (like family members and teachers) for being unconventional and 'over the top' caused me to turn on myself and repress my passion and will-power for several years. I think it's highly likely that Richard experienced this too.

Here are some quotes from Richard that illustrate everything I've been talking about (emphasis is mine):

Armitage is still notably handsome, but, within minutes of meeting him, it’s apparent how incongruous it is that this bookish, sensitive, self-described ‘melancholic, philosophically-minded softie’ and ardent fan of The Great British Bake Off was cast as beefcake killer totty for a considerable part of his career. ‘It’s ridiculous. It’s the complete opposite to who I am. I’m such a pacifist,’ he laughs. ‘But then, part of me always felt: “Well, isn’t that why we’re actors?”

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'I think the turning point was losing my mum,” he says. “Up until that point, I felt like I mustn’t put a foot wrong, that if I said the wrong thing or revealed too much about my personal life, it could all come crashing down, and it would come down on my parents, and they wouldn’t be proud of me anymore.” He shrugs. “Now that I’m past that I’m actually much more carefree about the choices I make.” (source)

Richard Armitage puts his head in his hands and emits a noise that's somewhere between a sigh, a laugh and a groan. “Oh no! Why would you want to pin this up?” he says with a horrified whisper.

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Never has a man seemed more ill at ease with the heartthrob label. He squirms with embarrassment in his chair every time the subject comes up. He is grateful for the loyalty of his fans, he says, but worries that “there is this thing of, 'Is he just totty?' Because the industry will sometimes write you off as a serious actor if they think that. I have always been conscious of that and fought against it, because I don't really see myself like that at all.”

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This brings us back to Astrov, who looks so relentless towards the future that he can't see the truth in front of his eyes. “It's interesting that he's an outsider in the play. I've often felt like that myself in life. I'm quite a solitary person. I enjoy my time with me, and sometimes it's not necessarily healthy, because I can talk myself into quite a dark place.

I'm an optimist, but at the same time, there's a discipline in me that will attack me for not working hard enough, not achieving enough, not being good enough. You always think, 'I'll grow out of that. With success, those voices will disappear.' But they don't, they get louder. I suppose I'm learning a bit about myself through Astrov.” (source)

The answer in my humble opinion, (and believe me it is humble, to a point of taking 43 years to be shared) is actually something which applies to my work as an actor. … And back to acting, it’s taken me a long time to shake off the effects of bullying in school. That people were always laughing behind my back. I was always looking out of the corner of my eye. I now have incredible peripheral vision which is so useful, (as is Kinesthetic sense…Google it) but try being a brave, experimental, uninhibited actor with all of those hang ups. Wasn’t happening. (Human Condition essay)

So I kind of travelled on that line for a while, and I was bullied for it as well. The problem with me is that as soon as you try to push me down or say “you can’t do this” and “I don’t think you should do that”, I immediately push back. So I did – I’d decided really young that I was going to try to make a career out of it.

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Actually, there was something I wanted to add to what Shaun said, about inclusivity, is that um, no matter how – how much confidence you have or how, in my case, lack. Y’know, I always felt like a misfit, or an oddball, or that I didn’t belong. But I always – I always told myself that ‘you exist in the world, so therefore there’s a place for you in this industry’. I think anybody who feels like, “I can’t become an actor because…” – you exist. And, y’know, the job of filmmakers is to write about our life and society, and if you are a part of that, then there’s a place for you in the industry. (source)

I'm a bit of a brooder. I don't like confrontation, so I think I suppress things. When my temper does come out, it goes all the way – the kind of temper you can't apologize for. Yep, the chair getting thrown out of the window. Those emotions are scary, but hey, they come in useful when you're acting. (source)

Armitage is a noticeably calm presence but he talks with passion.

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In the past, he has described himself as a shy person. “Not any more,” he says forcefully. “I mean… if I’m very, very honest, I’m a big guy, I think I’m at times quite a frightening person.”

In what way?

“I think I’m quite uncompromising. I can’t bear bulls---. And in a way the shyness is me protecting other people from that. I can feel that there’s an intimidation that can happen if I own my full height, and speak at my full volume. So I’ve learned over the years to just tone it all down a bit.” (source)

I've become one of those actors who find it difficult to say no when things are offered. I think if I had come out of drama school and been an instant Hollywood superstar I would be taking long, leisurely holidays. But I always feel somehow it's going to be taken away from me so I work when I can. When you struggled with work as I did when I left drama school you make hay when the sun shines. There was a time when I thought, and my agent thought, it wasn't going to happen for me. We both sat down and I actually said I don't know if I can stay in this state. The interesting roles have only come since I got into my 30s. But I didn't know that was going to happen. I'm a bit of an all or nothing kind of guy. To be honest, I had no blind faith in myself. I don't think I could have stayed around as a jobbing actor. I would probably have quit. Who knows? I think I would have found that too frustrating. But at the moment when I thought I was going to quit, something happened and it all changed again. (source)

[talking about being cast in the Hobbit]

There was a little bit of guidance as to what they were looking for. I felt that I was too young for the character, too tall for that character, so I thought, you know, ‘I’ll just look at the scene they’ve written’. And then I realised the essence of the character that they were aiming for. So I went to meet Peter and Phillipa and we read some of the scenes. I think we spent an hour-and-a-half talking about the character and what their vision was, and I sort of explained who I thought he was, and that was it.

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Yeah, my first instinct, whenever that kind of thing happens, is to say, 'Well what's wrong with the part? Why did nobody else want it'? Which is kind of the story of my life really. When I get offered something, I'm like, 'Well there must be something wrong with it if they're offering it to me!'

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But you know, the thing is, you talk about all of this: ‘How did you get the role? And how did it feel when you got the role?’ And once all that’s died down you start to think, ‘I’ve actually got to go and play this now’. They’ve trusted me. Everyone’s happy, everyone’s celebrated, the phones have gone down and the deal’s been done. Now it’s over to me to make the role work. And that’s the scariest moment, because you do have that elation and then the work begins and you think, ‘How the hell am I going to do this?’ (source)

How was it for you taking on this beloved role, this character that has such a huge responsibilty on his back? Could you relate in some ways?

Richard Armitage: Yeah. There is always building within him this paranoia that he’s not a good enough leader, and that weighs him down. I have experienced that same feeling as an actor in this role. And I was aware of taking on the responsibility of that character, so there was something I could latch onto there, as one of the people who loved ‘The Hobbit’ book and had envisioned that character. It took me a while to be convinced that I could do it, it wasn’t until I saw some sketches, this one particular pencil sketch….there was something about this characters eyes and the way that his hands are crossed, I thought, “I think I can do this, I can pull this off.” (source)

Q: I wanted to ask you about what your Arkenstone is. For you personally.

A: Me personally?

Q: And I meant for this to be materialistic. What's the thing that you covet so much that it makes you mad that you don't have it?

A: Well, it's actually not material. It's not material, and it's – (laughs) You want a comedy answer, don't you? But it's respect. It's the thing that always eludes you, you know. You have to fight for it and when you get it, your arkenstone, the thing that crowns you, is respect.

Q: And also a sweater.

A: And a sweater. I do have this little natty number.

Q: It's a good one man.

A: Tom Ford made this personally. But hey, he can have it back. I don't covet wealth and material. (source)

Q6: You’ve done a variety of different roles, I wonder what influences you to pursue those roles?

R: More often than not, you go where you’re wanted. So getting hired is still kind of a revelation to me, a shock and a surprise. Sometimes you have very flat periods, where I don’t really care what comes next, I just want to work on something. I feel like I’ve got a little cloud of luck over my head so the right thing always seems to come along. But again, I’m easily excited about literature and stories, so I’ve always said I don’t really pursue glory, I’d happily do acting for two people in my living room if it was a role that I really enjoyed with a story I’d really like to tell. So it’s chance, I would say.

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Q8: Once in an interview about Thorin, you were asked what your arkenstone was and your answer was respect. I like this answer a lot. So I was wondering what’s your red dragon? As you said yesterday he’s a character who sheds his skin, improves, and becomes something. I was wondering if there was something you’d like to improve, become?

R: I guess the antithesis of that is disrespect. Do you mean in myself?

Q8: Yes.

R: Yeah I try not to be too disrespectful. I guess I value the truth. I think we’re living at a time at the moment where the truth is warped and there’s a word that’s been in my head for a long time, and particularly recently it’s come to the surface. When I was studying Macbeth, at the RSC, I read a long thesis about the gunpowder plot, which was one of the things they thought that Shakespeare (or whoever Shakespeare was) was stimulated by to write Macbeth. And the word equivocation was used in this thesis, it was actually about equivocation and what equivocation is. And if you look it up in the dictionary, at the moment most politicians are equivocating. When you don’t answer a question, or you bend the truth to make it seem like you are answering the question, and in fact you’re telling a lie. So I would say my red dragon would be equivocation.

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Then there was the physical form that I was studying and observing, but also, I do sometimes enjoy locking myself away in a room and reading a book or just doing something alone, and you sometimes can go a couple of days without speaking to anybody. I don’t know whether anyone else experiences this or whether I’m just a weirdo. But I find that when that happens my voice changes, and I always forget how to make a noise, I have to do a warm-up before I go into the world and start speaking again.

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Q15: I was wondering if you ever had to pull out of a project because it felt wrong or something, and what is the point where you say “nope I can’t do this”?

R: Um, no. But that’s partly to do with the fact that I have a lot of loyalty, probably too much loyalty for my own good, really, and there’ve been moment when I’ve been on board a project, and actually it happened this year with The Lodge, I was already on board that project and something else came along which was bigger and better and brighter and more money, and your agent says “look we can pull you out of The Lodge, they can probably recast it,” and here I think “I’ve already started this process, I don’t want to let people down,” and I don’t have a problem with that at all, I never have any regrets over the things that you miss or the things that you decide not to do, I think there’s a strong enough reason why you’ve decided not to do it, but in general no I haven’t ever pulled out of something. There was one television show I remember, I’m not going to say what it is, but after the first readthrough, I did call my agent and asked, “can I get out of this?” And then he quickly got back to me and said, “don’t do it. Don’t build a reputation built on disloyalty.” So I try not to.

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Q18: I think you are very handsome, but your character Francis hated the way he looked, how did that make you feel?

R: Francis hated the way he looked? Yeah. I guess there is something we relate to in that. Without getting too personal, I don’t always enjoy looking at myself in the mirror. I don’t do it very often, to be honest. I do it just to be sure I don’t have food on my face. I do it in character, actually. I do spend a bit of time studying my own face when I’m playing a character, which is interesting because your face does change. (source)

He cannot see the handsomeness: “I think I am odd-looking. I have big lines on my forehead.” I squint, looking for them, but he is talking over me, sounding slightly panicked. “I shouldn’t draw attention to it, because then everyone else will see the oddness.”

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Laziness is what makes him angry: “Laziness in myself. Laziness in other people. And dishonesty. All things I feel capable of myself. I have a propensity to be lazy and lie about it. Fear makes me rageful. There are words in The Crucible I actually find it quite hard to say.” I beg for an example — The Crucible is in the public domain. “No,” he says, “you’ll see it in the play.” I tell him it will make no sense in print if he will not tell me. But he won’t. So I change the subject. It works. “OK, I will give you a line.” He inflates a little and says: “Is there no good penitence but it be public?” And then: “Were I stone I would have cracked for shame this seven month.” (source)

Q: How would you describe your evolution as an actor since you started?

A: I think everything has to do with the fact that today I’m not afraid anymore. At first, I was embarrassed to do something wrong or do things badly or make myself ridiculous. Today, I am almost looking for opportunities to be ridiculous or vulnerable or to make as much of a mistake as possible. In a sense, it’s now the opposite of being undercover.

Q: Are you the actor you dreamed of being when you started?

A: Not yet. I am not yet fearless enough. It’s in waves, actually. But I have already approached this dream. There were moments, especially during Arthur Miller’s The Crucible, which I performed on stage, where I felt I had no control over things. That’s what I’m looking for: to lose control.

Q: You often play bad guys. What do you like in these characters?

A: I like disobedience. I like the fact that you can be disobedient thanks to your creativity. As a person, I must always be polite in life, be careful and correct so as not to hurt anyone. In a fantasy world, I can be as offensive as I want. It’s an outlet. (Laughter)

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Q: Many actors are moving to directing. Is this also your goal?

A: I would like to, but I do not think I’m smart enough. I am good when it comes to working with another’s vision. I do not think I have that creative spontaneity that creates a vision from scratch. But the future will tell. (source)

I applaud Richard for being so open and direct about his fears and insecurities. It takes a lot of bravery to do so. And while I've seen some fans get annoyed with his continual self-deprecation, I think his honesty and openness is much more significant, and shows his inner strength. He doesn't try to pretend to be someone he's not.

He recently described himself as “patient, obsessive, and silly” (source). The patient part is classic Virgo, and the obsessive part comes from an element of his natal chart that I have not mentioned.

The silly part, however, is classic Leo. Like I said above, he has an almost equal amount of Leo and Virgo in his personality. Personally, I'm proud to be a Leo, but I also know we get misunderstood a lot of the time. I wrote the following for an essay of mine on Leos in Disney:

Your sun sign represents your core identity. Just like the physical sun is the center of the solar system and its energy creates life, the astrological sun is our consciousness and life force. Each of the twelve sun signs are ruled by a different planet and element.

Since Leo is the fixed fire sign, we don't inherit the reckless and impulsive nature of fire, but instead are a steady flame. No sign is more reckless and impulsive than Aries, because they have the double combination of being a cardinal sign and a fire sign. Meanwhile, all four of the fixed signs struggle with stubbornness and admitting when their wrong.

Leo's are well known to be natural leaders and the rulers of the zodiac. We are ruled by the sun and our animal is the lion. We dream big and are born with big personalities, and we can't help but be theatrical and dramatic. This means we are always self-centered in the sense of being strong-willed and having a strong sense of self. It does not mean all Leos are egotistical.

Unhealthy Leo traits all revolve around the ego: attention-seeking, egotistical, selfish, bossy, controlling, pushy, jealous, possessive, lazy, vain, arrogant, aggressive, and obstinate.

Healthy Leos, however, are known for our fire-based traits – being animated, theatrical, happy, outgoing, independent, competitive, charismatic, creative, open-minded, open-hearted, confident, assertive, playful, warm, social, courageous, idealistic, affectionate, romantic, optimistic, and adventurous.

What isn't often talked about is our steadiness, our fixed-based traits. Leos are authentic, steadfast, fiercely loyal and protective, consistent, persistent, full-hearted, dedicated, need to do their best, generous and selfless, honorable and moral, genuine and direct, extremely supportive, hard-working and responsible, dignified, strong-willed, and ambitious and determined.

Something that is often mentioned but highly misunderstood is our trait of courage. Having courage doesn't mean you're fearless or reckless. The definition of courage is “the power or quality of dealing with or facing danger, fear, pain, etc.” It means that instead of running away from our problems or denying our emotions; healthy Leos face them and be genuine and direct with ourselves, embracing our vulnerability.

Having a big personality doesn't necessarily mean someone has a big ego. C.S. Lewis once said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.” Leos have huge hearts and are incredibly generous. The sun never goes retrograde, always shines, and gives life and energy to all living beings – it isn't selective or discriminatory. Healthy Leos are like mini suns; which is why we are also irrepressibly upbeat, optimistic, and fun-loving.

We're not pushovers. We are like roses – we have both flower petals and thorns. If you mess with someone we love you're going down. We're too loyal and protective to let major things slide; and even if we forgive, we never forget. Little things? We'll try to work them out with you.

Being naturally strong-willed and assertive is healthy – it just means we usually make horrible subordinates and yes people. There's nothing wrong with having high standards and being open about them. In fact, in relationships it's far better in the long run to open and frank about what you need and what you consider a dealbreaker from the beginning.

And oh yes are we ambitious and competitive – but most often with ourselves. We're natural leaders who always dream and think big. For a healthy Leo it's not about being the best, but doing your best. We have to be grand and intense, we're ruled by the sun. It's all or nothing for us. Settling is not something a Leo does. We need to be the best leader, the best friend, the best partner, etc. that we possibly can.

Also, in astrology each sign rules a different body part, and Leo rules the heart and upper back.

Adding to this, Leos are known as the Kings/Queens of the zodiac not because we're egotistical, but because our sun sign is the sun. It's like a double amount sun. I could go into significantly more detail about this, but it involves a lot of technical astrological details; so if anyone wants to know more just message me!

Going back to Richard, having his core self (sun) and love/beauty (venus) in Leo explains why he is an actor and artist; and why he is often warm, silly, and dramatic when he feels comfortable – his long interview with The Anglophile Channel (and it's deleted scenes) does a great job of showing the synergy between his Leo and Virgo sides.

We see Richard express the heartfelt, generous, sincere, and honorable side of Leo all the time. This is why I'm sure he has the inner-confidence and strength hidden within him to overcome the deep pain his Chiron causes him (like it does to us all). I hope he continues to find projects and people that help him on his journey to heal.

Thank you for reading this, I'm wishing him and you all the best. Take care!

#Richard #Richard Armitage #Astrology #Mine

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klixxy · 3 years

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weekly fic recs

(ft. my bookmark comments - mostly mha and voltron)

boku no hero academia:

what is right and what is easy - theroyalsavage

(bnha; tododeku; fluff + angst; 2k words; oneshot)

Midoriya Izuku is not chosen to represent Hogwarts in the Triwizard Tournament. He does not slay a dragon, or rescue innocents, or brave a maze of dark magic. He does not win accolades, or fame, or glory.

Instead, Izuku meets the son of the greatest dark wizard of the age, a Durmstrang student with hair like a sunrise and eyes like a war. And maybe, he just might win something else.

If I'm Being Honest.... by I_dont_know_man

(bnha; tododeku; fluff + crack/humor; 26k words; oneshot; truth quirk)

Midoriya scrunched up his nose in confusion. “Uh, Shouto, why are you glaring at me like that?”

“I-” Todoroki began to lie, until nausea slammed him like a door to any room that Bakugou entered. “I--” Todoroki grit his teeth, and glared daggers into the wall behind Midoriya. Goodbye, friendship. It had been absolutely divine while it lasted. “Because you’re very attractive.”

They say honesty is the best policy, but it sure as hell had a knack for Todoroki making a complete and utter fool of himself.

Or: In which Todoroki is placed under a mysterious truth-telling quirk and suffers, Uraraka laughs at him, Midoriya is confused but smitten nonetheless, and Twitter is the thirstiest site on the planet.

paint on our lips (paint on those fingertips) by spicanao

(bnha; tododeku; angst + magical realism; 11k words; oneshot; gallery au)

Galleries are wonderful places. The works seem so vibrant, so beautiful, so alive.

Until they're actually alive.

(Ib AU)

[my bookmarks: holy shit this is beautiful in an odd, poignant, dream-like way]

Todoroki Shouto��s Amateur Guide to Not Fucking Up The Timeline by Anubis_2701

(bnha; tododeku; crack/humor; 13k words; oneshot; time travel; future fic)

All that Todoroki had wanted was milk. Nothing drastic, nothing dramatic, just milk.

Unfortunately, in his quest to get milk, he ended up running into one of the saltiest, most impulsive people this side of the globe. Who also just so happened to have a volatile time-travel quirk.

So yeah, he was fucked. Just slightly. Being punted randomly through time wasn't exactly how he'd wanted to spend his Saturday morning. At least the younger versions of his friends are cute.

awake and (un)afraid, asleep or- by driedupwishes

(bnha; tododeku; fluff + angst + The Feels; 54k words; oneshot; social media/future fic)

“You,” Shoto says, picking his head up from where his screen is filled with The Worst Photograph Ever, curtesy of Shinsou, Jiro, Kaminari, his brother, and nearly everyone they know. “You are so dead to me.”

Kirishima blinks, mouth half open while Izuku mutters oh god, it’s too late, isn’t it on the other end of the phone, before Kirishima is leaning into his space to see his screen.

“Oh,” he says, in response to the photo someone in the crowd of civilians watching the fight had taken of them. “Oh, that’s-” he cuts himself off for a minute, leaning back to eye Shoto’s face while on the other side of the phone Izuku smothers what is probably a laugh, and then changes tracks.

“It’s super manly to love and support your friends,” Kirishima tells Shoto haughtily, as if this whole thing isn't his fault in the first place.

or: Kirishima and Shoto accidentally start trending on Twitter and in retaliation Shoto decides to make an Instagram to showcase all his Hero Deku merchandise, so that everyone knows how much he loves his boyfriend Izuku, and no one expects how quickly it will all spiral out from there

[my bookmarks: broke my heart. i teared up multiple times and even now I'm barely holding back tears.

pure beauty. pulls an incredible amount of emotion from the descriptive language and conveys the love and loneliness and that pulsing ache so well that i thought that my chest would cave in from the force of all the fucking feelings in it. this entire fic was a perfect, awe-inspiring package of fluff, beautiful shoto and class 1a interaction, heartfelt long distance tododeku feels, and almost every single paragraph had my heart fucking squeezing so hard in my chest that i could barely breathe.

i am in awe.]

Hooliganisms by aphrodaisyacs

(bnha; gen/todofam; crack/humor; 17k words; series; social media)

In which an anonymous artist’s street art of Bald Endeavor goes viral, causing a chain of coincidental events and ironic situations to ripple through the lives of everyone- heroes, villains and civilians alike.

[my bookmarks: i'm crying so much from laughter]

Part 1: Where it all begins- the origins of the street artist known as the "Bald Hooligan" and their rise to infamy

Part 2: The spin-off focusing on the unlikely trio whose friendship was borne from the events of Part 1

Daydreaming by AnonymousTwit

(bnha; gen/todobakudeku; angst; 7k words; oneshot; todoroki-centric)

If he'd been more careful, then they'd be fine. If he'd been paying attention, then he wouldn't be alone right now.

But he wasn't and he hadn't, so it's just him, now. It's him, his thoughts, and the unconscious bodies of two of his closest friends as he waits for someone to reach them.

Whether they be friendly or not.

Author has writer's block and coughed up some Todoroki angst in retaliation.

A Study in Firsts by Oceanbreeze7

(bnha; gen; angst + fluff + humor; 76k words; ongoing; class 1a-centric)

There’s a first time for everything.

The first time everyone crammed in Momo’s room to study, a mess of limbs and books on her bed.

The first time Mina burned crepes so badly the smoke alarm went off.

The first time a jumpscare got Sero so badly, he flipped off the back of the couch.

The first time Uraraka fell asleep at the table and accidentally sent it floating.

The first time someone realized Todoroki walked far too quietly, and far too cautiously around the dorms to be normal.

The first time Midoriya broke his toe on a door frame and kept walking through it.

The first time Kirishima woke up screaming through the walls.

The first time Tsuyu blanched at the sight of a needle.

The first time Bakugo dropped, clutching the back of his neck with eyes scarily vacant and detonating everything around him until Aizawa had to intervene.

It wasn’t always pretty, but the dorms were filled with firsts.

Responsibility by deafmic

(bnha; gen; angst + hurt/comfort; 94k words; series (complete); todoroki-centric; dadzawa + papamic)

“I told you outside,” Aizawa chooses his words carefully, reiterating the same point he’s made before. “My responsibility for you doesn’t end at the classroom. Every part of your life is partially my responsibility. Your father doesn’t scare or intimidate me. If you need help, I can get it for you, but you and I both know that you need to ask for it first.”

Aizawa organizes a way for the students to go home for the holidays. Todoroki Shouto, however, gets left behind by his father. Aizawa, annoyed at Endeavor, takes Shouto under his care for the night, and is joined by a certain Yamada Hizashi.

[my bookmarks: *unholy screaming sobbing noises*

an incredible and emotional journey from start to finish.]

the drip of melting ice by walking_through_autumn

(bnha; gen/platonic shintodo; angst + fluff; 19k words; oneshot; todoroki/shinsou-centric ft. dadzawa)

Aizawa found out within a day. It was quite likely due to the dish Todoroki had washed and left to dry in the shared kitchen after the kitten had been fed off it. Hitoshi was forced to reflect that it wasn’t any good hiding the litter and cat food in their wardrobes if Todoroki was going to make a fundamental mistake like that.

Aizawa stood in his door frame and raised an eyebrow. “Well? Where is the cat?”

Hitoshi gave his most disarming smile. “What cat?”

Todoroki chose that moment to exit his room, eyes on his phone, other hand holding a cat toy. He bumped into Aizawa and looked up slowly, like in a horror movie.

“...oh,” Todoroki said. Aizawa raised the other eyebrow. Hitoshi rubbed a hand down his face.

Herbal tea, weekly floor gatherings, spoiled surprises, movie marathons, shared custody over a cat, rain and ice and blankets and plushies, and the journey of falling into a friendship.

(Or: Hitoshi moves into the 2A dormitory at the beginning of his second year, learns who his neighbour is, and makes the friends he had declared he isn't there to have within the space of a semester.)

Hand in Hand in Hand by kngsbrg (Citlalcoatl)

(bnha; todobakudeku; fluff + strangers to lovers; 10k words; oneshot; tea au)

Boiling the water, choosing the right temperature for the right kind of tea, using quality leaves, scooping the precise amount, and letting it steep for just the perfect time...

All that and more is needed to make a delicious cup of tea.

A business that Shouto was quite knowledgeable about.

Spring begins and brings with it the hint of new fresh air, buds waiting to blossom, and just a bit of change.

[my bookmarks: featuring: oblivious teamaker shoto and pining firemen baku and izu]

even if i die (it's you) by monomoon

(bnha; todobaku; fluff + angst + strangers to lovers; 75k words; complete; paramedic au)

Or; where Todoroki never went to UA and, in rejection of his father's ambitions, became a paramedic; and where pro hero Bakugou Katsuki is just a little bit too intrigued with the heterochromatic man who always glares daggers at him whenever he sees him.

When Bakugou was suddenly and abruptly met with two cold, heterochromatic eyes glaring daggers right back at him, he had two immediate thoughts:

"Why does he look like he's plotting my assassination?"

and

"Why the fuck are his eyes so pretty?"

[my bookmarks: UGH THIS IS JUST FUCKING PHENOMENAL- GORGEOUS LOVELY INCREDIBLE HEARTSTOPPING HEARTBREAKING BEAUTIFUL RIDICULOUSLY GOOD POIGNANT I AM RUNNING OUT OF ADJECTIVES BUT IT'S GREAT TRUST ME AKDHJSFNW]

This Is Now by colormesherlocked

(bnha; gen; angst + hurt/comfort + fluff; 193k words; series (ongoing); todoroki-centric)

Todoroki Shoto will be a hero.

...But not just yet. Right now, Todoroki Shoto is a bitter, pessimistic, hurt teenager who doesn't want help, friends or hinderances of any kind getting in the way of his misguided goals.

Thankfully, there will soon be people in his life who will be more than happy to drag him into a place of happiness, safety, and acceptance - kicking and screaming the whole way, if they have to. All he has to do is survive his first meeting with them and all the incredible changes that will come after.

This is Todoroki Shoto's Hero Academia.

(Semi-canon compliant up to a point and told from Todoroki Shoto's POV.)

the league of anti-villains by aizawa_wears_crocs (avenris), avenris

(bnha; gen; angst + fluff + humor; 35k words; ongoing; todobakushinmono-centric)

When he's secretly tasked to find the UA traitor, Todoroki isn't expecting help. He's especially not expecting it from the three other first year students perceived as villainous in their own ways. Unfortunately for him, Shinsou, Monoma and Bakugou have all got something to prove, and his solo mission turns into a team effort that rapidly spirals far beyond what they were expecting to find - but hey, they're in too deep now.

Or: in which the gang solves the mystery of the traitor feat. todoroki family shenanigans, copious amounts of dadzawa, backstory for my favorite 1-B gremlin, and good old-fashioned illegal vigilantism.

such eloquent graffiti by firelilyblooms

(bnha; todobaku; angst + hurt/comfort; 9k words; oneshot; todoroki-centric; future fic)

Todoroki Shouto is sitting cross-legged at his coffee table, hunched over a bowl of instant ramen, when he finds out along with the rest of the world that the Flame Hero, Endeavor, is dead.

Or, Shouto's guide to dealing with death.

[my bookmarks: i am in ✨pain✨:)]

Tell-All by HopeNight

(bnha; todofam; angst; 4k words; oneshot; todofam/natsuo-centric)

When Natsuo is twenty-years-old, he publishes a tell-all book on his father and growing up in his house. This starts a domino effect, of course. With the book comes an investigation and sets the groundwork for the Hawks scandal in several years’ time that will see the disbandment of the Heroic Public Safety Commission and the ascension of pro hero Deku to the Number One slot. This will also lead to a decades long chain of change and progress with Deku wielding his influence and charisma like a sword and shield to make society and the world a little better than when he found it.

In essence, you can say, that Todoroki Natsuo is the true hero of this story with his fake quirk and an anger burning in his gut. Just one small book and suddenly…everything changes. The future is brighter for its existence. The curtains are thrown back and the light begins its work to disinfect and cleanse.

When Todoroki Shouto is in his second year of UA, his brother, Natsuo, publishes a tell-all book of essays about growing up in Endeavor's house.

This is Natsuo's story about how he really changed the path of things.

like an open wound by filzmonster

(bnha; gen; angst + hurt/comfort; 5k words; oneshot; todoroki-centric; manga spoilers)

It's a Sunday and Shouto is making gyoza in the dorm kitchen - or: It's a Sunday and Todoroki has an existential crisis over food.

[my bookmarks: oh my GODDDDDDDDD

*screeches while crying**is a blubbering mess*]

Shouto Todoroki and His Stuffed Eeyore (And Also Childhood Trauma) by ThatSpicySeaFlapFlap

(bnha; gen; angst + MORE ANGST; 42k words; complete; todoroki-centric)

Aizawa looked him in the eye, placed a gentle hand around his bicep (not like Endeavor, his father had only ever touched him with the intention to burn) and asked, “Are you okay?”

People don’t usually ask him things. They like to tell him things, like where to sit or what to wear or how to talk or how to be a hero or how to be himself.

‘Am I okay?’ He thought. He realized he doesn’t ask himself things, either.

Shouto didn’t have an answer to Aizawa’s question, so instead he said:

“A very long time ago, my mother did something....highly upsetting.” The boy was tracing the outline of his scar, his calloused finger stopping and jumping around the bumps and ridges of the burnt skin. “Something today reminded me of that.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” His teacher asked.

“No.”

“Okay. I’m here when you do. I’m always here, kid.” Shouto only responded with a sob. He felt as if he’d earned that right after all the emotional labor he had been put through tonight.

days by chibistarlyte

(bnha; todobaku; angst + hurt/comfort; 19k words; series (complete); todoroki-centric)

Most days, Shouto is fine.

But some days...

Some days, Shouto falls apart.

Location Sent by sunflowerstorm

(bnha; gen; angst + hurt/comfort; 15k words; oneshot; todoroki-centric; third year 1a)

In their first year at UA Midoriya sent his location to the class 1-A group chat during the Hosu incident because he didn't have time to do anything else before rushing to Iida's aid.

Now in their second year, Todoroki sends his location to the group chat at 6:30am on a Saturday morning after going home for the weekend. Midoriya knows immediately that something is very wrong and takes off, Bakugo hot on his heels.

-----

"They’d known each other long enough to be able to communicate practically wordlessly. The quiet rage on Midoriya's face was extremely telling, this was bad. Bakugo braced himself as Midoriya shuffled to the side to show where his hands were hovering over what was most certainly a burn and a serious one at that. Todoroki’s own fire didn’t burn him but they all knew that didn’t make him fire proof. Bakugo could do the math."

Faith by phinnium

(bnha; gen; angst + hurt/comfort; 7k words; oneshot; todoroki-centric; manga spoilers)

"You wanted to open a case?"

Aizawa frowned, "uh, yeah. Someone showed you Dabi's video, didn't they? And I don't doubt Todoroki himself has told you bits and pieces."

Izuku did not expect this to be how the conversation went.

"Yeah. But Todoroki isn't being hurt now. He's fine. Endeavour's changed."

Or: Midoriya trusts the Hero Commission far more than he should, especially given the situation at hand. Todoroki isn't available to explain what's what, so Aizawa and Bakugou do it instead.

(Written after the release of issue 293 of the manga, and in the aftermath of the current arc. Spoilers ahead.)

Incendiary by macrauchenia

(bnha; gen; angst + hurt/comfort; 17k words; ongoing (hiatus?); todoroki-centric)

"You're going to die, little Todoroki. And if you don't, your classmates will instead."

A training exercise backfires when Izuku and Todoroki become tangled in an escaped villain's vendetta against Endeavor. Alone in a perilous situation due to the villain's barrier quirk, Todoroki must take desperate and creative measures to save his classmates.

[Class 1-A Teamwork/Bonding]

Parallax by petrichor (findingkairos)

(bnha; gen; angst + hurt/comfort + fluff; 64k words; ongoing; todoroki-centric)

Todoroki Shouto has memories that he didn't make on his own, motor skills that his brain doesn't know how to parse, and a love of science and mathematics and physics that means he broke down his Quirk into its most intricate, universe-bending components at the age of seven.

In one universe, he wants to become a hero. In this one, even though he doesn't want to, he might have to.

(Featuring: a rapidly developing Shoutosquad, Quirk science, headcanons of all flavors, healthy and supportive sibling and sibling-like relationships, and Dadzawa.)

[notes: one of my current favorite fics that i’m eagerly following for the next update. :D]

Caturdays by staqua (aka my fav todobaku author)

(bnha; todobaku; fluff + angst + enemies to lovers; 10k words; oneshot)

"Hmm... It's lunchtime now isn't it? You should have lunch with him."

"With Bakugou?" He blanched. "I think he would refuse and then murder me."

Rei chuckled softly as if death was a joke and held his hand tenderly. "If he's in the hospital, someone he cares about must not be well. I think anyone going through that should have a nice meal with good company."

"You overestimate me," Shouto pointed out and she gave another laugh.

OR: Shouto's usual Saturdays included visits to his mother and the cat cafe; he wasn't expecting Bakugou to get thrown in the mix.

voltron: legendary defender:

*hacks twitter in space* by Zakyuu

(vld x marvel; gen/klance; crack/humor + fluff; 17k words; social media au; ongoing)

the voltron paladins arent as popular as the avengers, obviously — in fact, no one even knows they exist. but they still radiate the same kind of dumb gay energy like the rest of the world.

or: pidge somehow manages to connect voltron's communicators onto earth and virtually nothing is the same. voltron also collectively makes everyone lose their marbles while they play hot potato with the fact that theyre in a ten thousand year war with the galra.

the fear of falling by amillionsmiles

(vld; gen; angst + fluff; character study; 3k words; oneshot; keith-centric)

Keith can pull off a downward spiral. It's the kind of maneuver he does in his sleep.

[my bookmarks: stunning. beautiful. breathtaking. poignant.]

Recoil/Release by Cheshyr

(vld; gen; angst + hurt/comfort; 22k words; oneshot; keith-centric)

When Keith is bitten by an alien creature with venom that causes your dominant emotions to be amplified, the team is ready for a day of dealing with an incredibly angry paladin.

Which means they're not ready at all for what actually happens.

hound by story_monger

(vld; gen; angst + hurt/comfort; 47k words; oneshot; keith-centric)

Keith has a lot of practice being alone; you might almost say he's good at it. When he finds himself seriously injured and stranded on an unknown planet, he knows he's not alone there. And here's the worst part: even after rescue and after things return to normal, Keith gets the distinct sense that whatever was on that planet has followed him. He doesn't have proof. But he knows it's there. He knows it's not going to stop until it gets what it wants.

Keith's 'Physical Contact' Initiation Program by alisayamin (sh_04e)

(vld; gen; fluff+ angst + hurt/comfort; 26k words; oneshot; keith-centric)

Keith didn’t move and neither did Pidge. It was a little awkward until Keith finally said, “Maybe we could officially officiate this..?”

“What do you mean?”

“Fist me.”

Pidge recoiled and sputtered, “Keith, what the f-” She was cut off by Shiro’s bellowing laughter from the observatory deck.

With his straight face unchanged, Keith lowered his left hand with the stopwatch and lifted his right hand, fisted.

Pidge actually sighed with so much relief, “OH. You mean fistbump! Right.” She slapped her forehead to remove the very very wrong image her imagination drew for her, “Holy shit, Keith, we need to work on that but yeah sure, I’d be honoured to officiate your physical contact program whatever.”

That one time Coran realized Keith was too distant and decided to make him undergo the 'Physical Contact' Initiation Program which then led to --> 5 times the paladins realized Keith was an actual cat.

The Red String by Le_Tournesol

(vld; gen/klance; angst + fluff; 19k words; series (ongoing); keith-centric; pre-voltron au)

Lance and Keith keep coming across one another at different points in their lives.

[my bookmarks: this is so sad and sweet and lovely]

All that is gold does not glitter by Rangergirl3

(vld; gen; angst + fluff + hurt/comfort; 28k words; complete; keith-centric)

Keith isn't what most would call a 'people' person, but that doesn't stop him from caring about his team.

aka

Five Times the other Paladins learned something about Keith, and the One Time he learned something about them.

[my bookmarks: fuck. just- fuck.]

Miscommunication Celebration by SleepySsnail

(vld; gen; fluff + hurt/comfort; 4k words; oneshot; keith-centric; birthday fic)

Keith was never too focused on his birthday, but when it rolls around he hopes his team remembers it. When Keith's birthday is full of quality time and fun, he doesn't even question why his friends haven't said "happy birthday" to him.

Or: Where Keith thinks everyone is celebrating his birthday when they really forgot about it.

Keithtober 2019 Day 23: Birthday

avatar: the last airbender:

Change of Address by hearmerory

(atla; gen/zukka; ANGST + fluff + hurt/comfort; 89k words; series (ongoing); zuko-centric; modern au)

A collection of instances in a modern AU of Zuko's shitty childhood, featuring Ozai's dislike of his son's autism and sexuality.

[my bookmarks: FUCK F U C K WHAT THE ACTUAL F U C K.

I CAN'T WITH THIS ANYMORE.]

92 notes · View notes

asuddenrevelation · 2 years

Text

things that make me fuzzy but i can’t tell if it’s love

making sure i get home safe every single time

using pet names that make me nauseous but simultaneously make my heart grow wings

pointing out tiny moments where he fell more in love

independence: driving home from wawa refusing directions

how he did not have to fill in pockets of silence on our drive home from skiing (i never end silence but i did then and i am so glad)

my love of art

my age (lol) latina milf (gross ew ew ewww gross)

that i’m crazy

when he asked me in ihop why i never looked him in the eyes before but now i do and i didn’t even realize but i look him in the eyes more than i look in anyone else’s

i realized i never really looked at him or saw him until 2ish weeks ago!

competence; i can navigate

how i “come alive” when i dance

bucket hat

the cute girl at the ashford

in the middle of the night when we’re facing away so he wraps himself around me in that special way and i hold his hand and melt into him more and “mmm” every single time (i don’t remember many of them)

how i love words and reading

our (starkly and scarily) opposite opinions on most things

when i’m “sassy” - don’t ask me again

tiny things i have noticed:

his smile when he laughs - full belly laughs with his mouth open and eyes squinted shut

the way he stares at me when he first wakes up and his eyes are still watery and dopey and lovesick and it makes my heart actually vibrate with that unknown emotion

how he couldn’t look me in the eyes for a while

when he tells me i am an angel (border between nauseous and a blanket)

how he constantly moves his hands around every inch of me and takes moments to look and really see and take it all in

the way i looked at him and unbuckled my seatbelt when i first saw him after he got back from his flight (and the way i felt beforehand)

when he holds my hand and doesn’t stop playing with my fingers

when he kissed my forehead so so much on our first date at the van gogh museum or maybe on the train or maybe i don’t know

the night before redd’s when we shadowed and overnight he texted me about the cockroach thing - he wanted to tell me!! me! i was his first choice - being his first choice

his baby voice that i know i would never have heard otherwise and no one else probably does

when he feels comfortable talking to me about big big deep emotions and his plans for the future

at the van gogh museum when i said traveling made me feel like i’m missing out after he told me it made him feel so strange every time he traveled and thought about how different their lives are and they carry on that way even after he leaves; and his life carries on the same way it always does - he told me he just enjoys every moment (how special! how sweet!)

when he was about to go to sleep in peru and would tell me “hey sweetie going to sleep now” even when he knew i was already sleeping myself

how he cuddles even more than i do

the way he always puts his leg between mine or mine between his and the way he presses his thigh into me while kissing

his love for my tongue (i don’t think it’s very good)

he does not question my absolute distaste for kids

he has kind of but more out of curiosity and he has never once pushed me on it despite the way it is so apparent that he loves kids and wants his own

we will cross that bridge one day maybe

whimpers

he is so comfortable about sharing his feelings and thoughts and wants with me and it scared me at first but now i find it absolutely intoxicating

i’m working on doing more of the same (let him in! let him! in!!!)

when we are in bed and he reminds me that he will do whatever i want and how he checks in with me and how it breaks him that i ever had anything less than a loving and supportive experience

i don’t want to change him but i want to dilute him and i don’t know why

how he is so forward and pushes me to do things

how he wears his heart on his sleeve but only for me

his confrontational side does not scare me

i have never felt a comfort and love and warmth and safety like this and his love for me is everything i have ever wanted and everything i daydreamed about over the last 24 years and i hate being apart from him still and it’s more than a honeymoon phase and i want to hold him and i want to be held by him and i love him i think

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atruththatyoudeny · 4 years

Text

Monthly Reads | October 2020

Happy 28th! I probably sound like a broken record already but I have to say it again: this fandom has an insane amount of talented writers! I am in awe! Every single one of you is my hero! ♥♥♥ Here are all the 23 fics I read and loved this month:

✧ Welcome to The Rivalry | 2tiedships2 | a/b/o - strangers to lovers - enemies to lovers - rivalry - college - 19k “Welcome home!” Niall yelled, clapping his hands in excitement. “Isn’t it great?” Louis looked between Niall and the house, unsure how to respond. “I don’t understand,” Louis finally managed to say. “Aren’t we a little old to be living so close to campus?” Niall scoffed. “You’re only twenty-four for fuck’s sake. There is still plenty of partying left for us to do. What better place than one street over from where a car was set on fire after the Michigan game last year?” “Is there proof of that? Did the car have Michigan plates or something? Is there a photo I can send in a DM to Wolfie?” As if on cue, a Twitter notification popped up on Louis’ Apple watch. He had tweeted again. Or a reverse You’ve Got Mail au inspired by the Ohio State/Michigan rivalry. Featuring duplex neighbors, (kind of) enemies to lovers, and an anonymous Twitter feud between omega Louis and alpha Harry.

✧ Back to Seventeen | crimsontheory | teacher - soccer coach - 26k As a first grade teacher in a small town in Illinois, Harry’s life is pretty simple. He loves his job, is close with his family, and has a best friend he would go to the ends of the earth for. When a new soccer coach starts at the local high school, things start to get a bit more exciting for Harry. Because that coach just happens to be Louis Tomlinson; the guy Harry was unrequitedly in love with in high school. Or the one where Louis moves back to his hometown and Harry realizes he’s still not over his high school crush.

✧ Sigh for Sigh | logogram | historical - a/b/o - regency - miscommunication - pining - marriage of convenience - 11k When his father's sudden illness forces Harry to get married in a hurry, he's delighted that Lord Louis Tomlinson is the one who makes him an offer. Being married to Louis is just as wonderful as he imagined, except for one thing-- they haven't mated yet. Or the one where they're both idiots, Harry's afraid to say what he's thinking, and Louis's just trying to be honorable.

✧ We Can Find a Place to Feel Good | yeah_alright | 1960s - High School - school dances - 8k 14-year-old Harry is ecstatic to finally be old enough to experience the time-honored tradition of school dances. But with each year that passes and each dance he attends, he’s realizing they’re not all he used to hope they’d be. Especially when he can't actually dance with the person he most wants to. Maybe he and Louis can figure out their own ways to keep dancing, anyway.

✧ At Risk, I Fold | clare328 | canon compliant - established relationship - angst - emotional hurt/comfort - miscommunication - anxiety - implied/referenced alcohol abuse - 15k 2015 is a stream of hotel rooms and whisky on the rocks, tired glances and touching hands under tables. It’s the bears and the bees under a rainbow sky, and Harry and Louis have to figure out how to grow up together, instead of apart.

✧ Carry These Feelings | LadyLondonderry | fae Á faires - established relationship - magic - 3k Harry is one of the fae, and has to return to Court once a year to please the Queen. He makes a detour on his way home to Louis. Two weeks and I'll be home.

✧ Hung Up High in the Gallery | lovelarry10 | friends to lovers - slow burn - pining - 14k "Louis, lay still!” Louis sighed loudly, and Harry watched his chest puff out as he inhaled deeply, the breath he let out loudly making Harry’s curls shift. “I am, stop being so fussy. Can I see yet?” “Nope,” Harry remarked, smiling to himself. “I’m doing your chest next. Shit, this is going to look so good, Lou. Your tan and these colours… why haven’t we done this before?” “Because we haven’t been this drunk in a while, and it never occurred to me until tonight?” ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ When Harry’s best friend, Louis, comes to support him at his art show, he decides they need to do some celebrating afterwards. How fast do the lines between friends and lovers get blurred ... or better, get painted?

✧ Love you in the dark | Perzikje | historical - wedding night - arranged marriage - dubious consent - 10k The story of a historical wedding night: in which Louis is quite unaware as to just how clueless his brand new husband is about sex. They try their best to figure it out together.

✧ Victorian Boy | audreyhheart | historical - victorian - royalty - enemies to friends to lovers - slow burn - angst - murder mystery - 101k Victorian AU. Harry the virgin Duke of Somerset knows little of love, while Louis the sly Duke of Warwick knows too much. When the two dukes come together for the Bilsdale fox hunt in York, Harry finds himself drawn into Louis' bed. But when secrets from Louis' dark past come to light, Harry fears that the fox isn't the only one being hunted.

✧ the anticipation of knowing you | sweetrevenge | strangers to lovers - neighbors - light angst - 13k Hello Neighbor! Just wanted to let you know that you were having sex so loud and scarily I called our building manager and security officer because I thought you were hurt. P.S. I sent them away when I heard you yell ‘cock’. I’m sorry that I heard that, but I wanted you to know in case they stopped by to check on you or something. Sorry! Your neighbor Louis Tomlinson in apartment #306 After Louis overhears his next door neighbor having sex, he doesn’t really expect anything but awkward hallway encounters to come from it. Instead, he’s surprised to find himself in a whirlwind pen pal relationship with the sweet, albeit loud, baker next door.

✧ We'll Be All Right | dandelionfairies | married couple - accridents - 13k Harry is performing his one night only show in LA but there are four very important people missing.

✧ The Last Song of Your Life | reminiscingintherain | famous/not famous - Rays of Sunhsine - homophobia - 21k As Harry glanced around at all of the faces, he froze as a very familiar pair of blue eyes leapt out at him. A pair of eyes that he hadn’t seen since before the One Direction bomb exploded. A pair of eyes that he never expected to see again. ~~~~ or the famous/not famous AU, with first love, miscommunication, interfering bandmates, and adorable little sisters.

✧ Her | jaerie | a/b/o - trans character - transitioning - dysphoria - anxiety - quarantine - 7k The buttery swipe of a high quality lipstick was almost a sexual experience in and of itself. This time a deep colour with purple undertones which drew out the emphasis of long, dark lashes and perfectly contoured cheekbones. It was a look for loose and styled curls, feeling the classy formal nightclub vibes reflected back from the mirror. The silky plum coloured slip dress would be perfect to debut. The tags still needed to be cut free from the new garment that hung in the closet, but tonight was the night to set it free. When Harry gets home, she can finally be who she wants to be. Letting someone else in always feels like a distant daydream to her... until it suddently isn't.

✧ Loving You's the Antidote | lululawrence | Stylinshaw - a/b/o - touch deprivation - hospitalization - soulmates - polyamory - anxiety - friends to lovers - no smut - 11k Nick and Harry had never been an obvious match. When eighteen-year-old Harry, newly presented as an omega, came home freshly bonded to Nick, a man nine years his elder and a beta no less, Anne had been more than skeptical and Eileen had shared some harsh words of her own. That didn’t deter them, though, and their families soon realised there really was something special about the bondmates that allowed them to work together almost seamlessly. It was only a few months later that Harry started getting sick. Or the one where Harry and Nick have been able to keep Harry's disorder at bay over the course of their relationship, but when they move to London and away from their support system, they find themselves in desperate need of help.

✧ Like A Neon Sign | reminiscingintherain | canon compliant - mentions of death - fluff - 8k Harry had always been perfect to Louis, through every age, through every stage, and in all the important ways, he was proud to have been able to witness the growth that Harry had experienced first-hand.

✧ We Had Everything | lightswoodmagic (sarah_writes) | exes to lovers - getting back together - famous/not famous - 3k “You know Harry’s coming, yeah?” Louis’ fingers twitched, faltering where he was straightening the knot in his tie as he tried to ignore the false nonchalance in Zayn’s voice. He had no idea how he missed the name on the invite list, how he skipped over the initials on the small gifts, didn’t notice the elegant swirl of Harry’s name inked onto an emerald green place card. Or, Louis and Harry fell apart, and Louis' never forgiven himself. He gets a second chance at Zayn and Liam's wedding.

✧ True To Your Heart | reminiscingintherain | Mulan AU - a/b/o - 13k The world was at war with itself. In the small country of Enilenif, in a tiny, often overlooked corner of the world, young Alphas were quickly signing up to fight, desperate to protect their Omegas and their country as Aidem began to attack their borders. A few defiant Omegas tried to enlist as well, but were firmly turned away with disapproving looks by the staff in the office. Harry Styles was one such Omega, sighing heavily as he kicked at a small stone on his walk home.

✧ What the Water Gave Me | larryatendoftheday | fantasy - mermaids - long distance relationship - 29k When a mermaid crawls out of the sea to listen to Harry sing, it changes everything.

✧ it’s hard for me to go home | localopa | angst - breakup - getting back together - 5k don’t call me baby again

✧ The Prince and the Thief | jaerie | Fairy Tale - a/b/o - strangers to lovers - violence - kidnapping - threats of rape/non-con - 19k Harry is an omega prince locked in a tower and Louis is the thief sent to kidnap him. Nothing turns out as planned.

✧ Up On The Shore | wordsnnotes | Eroda AU - magic - epistolary - friends to lovers - childhood friends - emotional/psychological abuse - angst - long-distance relationship - domestic violence - 34k Magic has been outlawed on Eroda ever since President Cowell came into power, and all the magic people had to go live on the island of Stonell. Things are not looking good for Harry when he finds out he's a magician and his abilities seem more and more out of control. Thankfully, his best friend Niall's mother has the idea to put him in touch with Louis, a magician boy living on Stonell. They begin a secret correspondence and drama ensues. Or: Louis hides his feelings under sarcasm, Harry is too sweet for his own sake, everyone is a rebel, the mums are amazing, Harry's dad is a jerk, and I'm struggling to make it understandable without using normal narration.

✧ this town's just an ocean now | louistomlinsons | exes to lovers - friends to lovers - summer romance - miscommunication - childhood friends - light angst - fluff - 31k “I have really great friends. Do you remember Louis? You guys were always hanging out when you were growing up.” Harry remembers Louis. Harry remembers Louis. Suddenly, his throat feels way too dry, despite the ice cream he keeps licking at. He chokes a little on a chocolate chip before saying, “I, uh. I remember Louis.” Her face brightens. “We have dinner every Sunday. He owns the house now. His parents moved further north, and he wanted to stay here, so they just gave it over. Now if you want to worry about someone being lonely, that’s who I worry about.” inspired by watermelon sugar, featuring picnics on the beach and boys being dumb

✧ I Am the Blinking Light | dearmrsawyer | ghosts - shipwreck - 19k There is a legend of a lighthouse far out to sea. It can’t be found on any map, and those who do find it never return. They say a ghost haunts the lighthouse, and you can hear it calling out in loneliness on the ocean waves.

#28th appreciation #fic rec #my fic rec #monthly reads #completed fics #larry fics

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agentnico · 4 years

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Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga (2020) Review

If you haven’t yet came about this gem, look up the Russian submission for the cancelled Eurovision 2020. The group is called Little Big. You can thank me later.

Plot: When aspiring musicians Lars and Sigrit are given the opportunity to represent their country Iceland at the world's biggest song competition, they finally have a chance to prove that any dream worth having is a dream worth fighting for.

I do enjoy Will Ferrell’s comedy. He has one funny bone, I tell ya that much! Obviously he’s great in all the Adam McKay films such as Anchorman, Talladega Nights and Step Brothers, all of which are endlessly quotable, and I also enjoy his lesser known outings such as Casa de mi Padre and The Campaign (the latter being a scarily realistic portrayal of the bonkers nature of American politics for a stupid irreverent comedy), however recently he’s definitely exhibited a dip in quality, especially with Holmes & Watson. That movie...........that movie.................that......movie.....can I even call it a movie? I still have no idea how in the hell that thing got green-lit? Honestly, who at Sony Pictures picked up the script and thought “hey, look at this, what a funny and original take on the classic Conan Doyle stories, this is a farcical revolution, a slapstick masterpiece, a fantastical example of burlesque interpretation.....let’s make it!!” Whoever this spherical dumbass of a producer was, he’s an idiot who should question his choices more as Holmes & Watson is diabolically bad! It’s excruciatingly unfunny! There’s a gag involving Holmes wearing a Trump-supporting ‘Make America Great Again’ hat....speaks for itself really. The movie is poop! But enough about negatives, let’s set our eyes upon Netflix’s new comedy Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga about, you guessed it, the Eurovision Song Contest! Ironically, the movie is brought to us by the US, even though America has never partook in the real Eurovision contest, nor do many American citizens even know what Eurovision is, which is probably why film critics have been so negative towards this movie, as they don’t really know what Eurovision is all about. Yes, it’s about the music and the competition, but it’s also about the over-the-top set pieces, flamboyant costumes and general acts of weirdness that make Eurovision so enjoyable to watch. But does the new Netflix spoof recapture the magic?

The movie’s biggest negative is that for a comedy it’s not that funny. There are some solid jokes for sure, but there a lot more ones that fall flat than ones that hit. It seems that due to the movie being made in conjunction with Eurovision partners, the writing team avoided to take any true risks, so as to not offend anyone. The Eurovision contest has a lot within it to make fun at to be honest, and this movie avoids that in favour of typical stupid debauchery Ferrell is known for. Even the inclusion of Graham Norton, who actually commentates on Eurovision in real life is severely toned down, and his insults are nowhere as offensive and sarcastic as in real life. And yes, at first that may seem to come off as me saying that this film is a total pile of garbage that should be buried deep at the bottom of the dumpster hidden beneath various human excrement right next to a bunch of DVD copies of Holmes & Watson (grrrrrr!), but let me hit you back with a but! Yes, there’s always a but! No, I’m not referring to one’s backside, for starters that’s a different spelling so learn your English you uneducated son of a bee, please and thank you! Anyway, I digress, the but is that even though it lacks the promised comedic punch, the movie more than makes up with it’s element of romance and, more importantly its heartwarming feel-good nature. Especially in these very strange and confusing times that we find ourselves living in, one does not need a masterpiece in film-making......though I am very much still looking forward to Christopher Nolan’s Tenet...whenever that release date finally comes to fruition. But sometimes a fairly simple film with an abundance of cliches (there’s an obligatory ABBA reference) and terrible Icelandic accents but filled with good cheerfully innocent nature is enough to please one’s mind. And you can call me sentimental at my old age (I’m turning 23 in under a week so happy birthday to me!), but I’m not going to lie, I really dug this movie. I had a good time! As I said, it’s no masterpiece, far from it actually, but it is just so pleasing, joyful and upbeat to watch!

Interestingly enough, a few films came to my mind whilst I watched The Story of Fire Saga. There’s the obvious reference to Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, another satirical film that parodies the music industry, only there the comedy worked better for me. Then also the movie has a surprisingly catchy soundtrack, with a lot of the song choices feeling like they came out straight from The Greatest Showman. There’s that element of oomph to each tune that really makes it pop! Not going to lie, I’ve been listening to the soundtrack on repeat ever since I’ve watched the movie! Also there’s a certain scene that’s a straight up knock off of the Riff-Off scene from Pitch Perfect. Then the more surprising connection is actually last year’s film Yesterday, where a man wakes up one day and he’s the only one who remembers The Beatles and their songs. The connecting thread-line is that in that movie too there is a woman who is unabashedly in love for the main guy, but he doesn’t notice it as he’s so focused on his music dream. I’ll be the first to say I did not like Yesterday. It was very disappointing in light of the calibre of talent that was involved, with Danny Boyle directing and Richard Curtis penning the script. The romantic side of that movie came as a bit of a distraction that got in the way of the potential of the main story-line involving a world without The Beatles. However in Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga that romantic thread is actually what holds the whole thing together so well. This is easily the most romantic movie of this year, and I know, I’m surprised to say so myself, seeing as this is a Will Ferrell motion picture!

Speaking of Will Ferrell, he’s decent in the movie, if you like Will Ferrell, as he does his usual shtick, though looking unrecognisable due to the ridiculous wig. However it seems Ferrell himself realises his co-stars bring more to the table in terms of acting compared to him, as he devotes a lot of scenes to Rachel McAdams and Dan Stevens. Rachel McAdams is adorable in this movie, with such a pure and baby-like personality, and it was constantly a pleasure seeing her light up the screen. Though it is Dan Stevens who steals the show as an antagonist that is surprisingly not as villainous as first anticipated, and turns out to be a cute puppy-dog eyed Russian lion! Also, that hair style suits him well.......maybe too well. Appearances from Demi Lovato and Pierce Brosnan are welcome too, though heavily under-used. Speaking of the latter, Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga and the Mamma Mia! films are now part of the Pierce-Brosnan-has-a-dead-wife-and-ABBA-is-heavily-involved-somehow cinematic universe.

As a whole Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga is nothing groundbreaking, but a truly good time, with a soundtrack filled with low-key bangers, a visual feast to the eyes due to showcasing the gorgeous visages of the Icelandic landscapes, and is easily Will Ferrell’s best film in years! Especially with that surprisingly emotional finale. Yes, this movie is ridiculously stupid, though it’s more ridiculous how emotionally hard-hitting the ending is. The song “Husavik” does for this movie what “Shallow” did for A Star Is Born. So I say go watch this film and embrace its warm comforting feels. Perfect for a date night, me and my girlfriend can attest to that!

Overall score: 6/10

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gg-astrology · 4 years

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Can you tell us 10 things about you? and about ur friends irl? How u met them/ how long u know them/ what u like to do with them? This is gonna sound nosy but how's ur love life hdjsks LISTEN YOU'RE LIKE MY DREAM BEST FRIEND AND I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND ACT LIKE WE'RE TOTES HOMIES OKAY IM A VIRGO SUN PISCES MOON smh a girl is cURIOUS AND (platonically) IN LOVE WITH YOU 😖❤❤❤❤

Hey there!! 💕💓❤️ Oh wow!!!! 💕💓❤️💕💓❤️ Don’t worry this is fine!! I’m actually -- like, really happy and giddily flustered you’d want to get to know me!? 💕💓❤️ I’m really flattered and really grateful/touched aaaaaaa only virgo/pisces deserve rights, my current wife is also a virgo/pisces this is obviously some kind of synastry destiny (jk *wink wonk?*)!! 💕💓❤️thank you for caring about me!!! 💕💓❤️💕💓❤️💕💓❤️💕💓❤️

Yeah sure!! 💕💓❤️I can tell you more things about me!! 💕💓❤️

Disclaimer? I think it’s good for the audience to know where I’m coming from and who I am? I just think transparency/knowing who you’re talking to is important because knowing who I am, can also help you and me see where my flaws are and where I may be coming from! 💕💓❤️ Or what I provide, but where I might miss my mark somewhere, y know? 💕💓❤️ Not to say you have to judge me, I just don’t see the point in not just being who I am and saying yeah I can see where I took the L there. It’s just-- better? for future endeavors as well? So here we are?

More about me? In sections?

10 things about me?

I’ll start with this since it’s the shortest!

This may come off as totally random but I do better in colder climate than hotter ones -- even though I currently live in a tropical island

I used to live in the US!

I actually have a designated place where I go to sit, open up my laptop and answer asks from tumblr. I sit outside my little patio and stare out at my garden, and then answer qs from here!

This means I’m always subjected to the Wild Life coming at me unexpectedly sometimes, but my cat also visits me at my table! So it balances out!

My favourite drink is milk but I like plant-based ones, or rice milk? Or the lactose free ones! They’re delicious!

Cherries are my favourite snacks but I usually get them once every 3 months -- so the result is I don’t tend to snack often. This is by design of me trying to Not Snack + using my pickiness to weaponize against myself and my eating habits.

To unwind I watch cat/animal videos on youtube before I go to sleep - it’s not very effective because I have to keep my eyes open to see, plus I always end up making cooing noises at the screen -- so I’m not sure when if it’s actually making me sleepy or not. But it’s working so far so I’m continuing to do it.

I have very specific knowledge of certain things in very acute details + link/resources of further studies on the topic, but otherwise I have 0.5 braincells most of the time, just a lot of Forbidden Knowledge.

I have a folder of cursed memes and that’s all you need to know about my sense of humour I think?

Love life?

I am currently single! 💕💓❤️ Gf application is always open! 💕💓❤️ However, I’d like everyone of you to know I’m a 95 liner and I will not accept applications from those born after 98′ 💕💓❤️

Although I’m bi + had ex-bf before... I am (as of right now) on the fence about men personally in my personal life (disclaimer) because I’ve got a week of quarantine, thus I haven’t been doing the do and can think clearly for once. I am contemplating. Men. And the necessity in life. Y know?

Although my love life is free!! I am not excused from the occasional panic of having a crush (annually). I’m lucky enough to go through it just once every year, but every time it happens I am an absolutely clown + always in turmoil. It’s what happens when you’re a sag venus who can’t control your p***y brain. Luckily, my crush just have to insult me or make me explain things from my past and then I’d be too traumatize to crush on them again. It’s quite effective, and works out best for all of us! 💕💓❤️

I’ll refrain from talking about my ex because I know I have a habit of recounting the good and being mushy. Even if we ended it on rocky terms. So! I’ll save everyone from that. 💕💓❤️

Friends (expanded, clarifications?)

The ones I mention on the blog are usually

taurus/taurus,

cancer/cancer,

leo/libra,

leo/cap (x2),

virgo/sag,

libra/aries (x2),

scorpio/sag,

scorpio/cap,

sag/taurus,

pisces/scorpio,

pisces/aqua,

Oof that’s alot.. This might be better to outline in a timeline format... so leo/libra, scorpio/sag, libra/aries and partially virgo/sag are whom I grew up for the majority of my childhood-teenage life! 💕💓❤️

They obviously made a very big impact on me! 💕💓❤️ They’re with me through thick/thin, leo/libra (sag rising) is the extrovert of the bunch. He’s one of my best friends, close guy friend, most of the time I too find him a little exasperating because he’s.. well its his problem so nevermind, but he’s also very endearing! 💕💓❤️ If it wasn’t for him-- well, there’s also another leo I thought was very endearing in a little brother kind of way. So leos to me have a very positive influence in my life, they’re very cute especially when they ask for your attention. I think they are like puppies/kitties when they are needy, and their blatant way of just being themselves always makes me feel refreshed + I admire them for it. In the end, I’m totally heart-eyes endeared for Leos! 💕💓❤️

Scorpio/sag is also my best friend! 💕💓❤️ She’s a taurus rising, and she’s so sweet, kind, chatty and very open/friendly to people! 💕💓❤️ Her, my cousin (who’s also a scorpio but a scorpio/pisces), and quite a few of my other best friends who are scorpios - actually made me realize they’re not like what they’re usually describe as. Maybe that’s just me? But I think they’re very sweet and comforting to be around, not to mention they’re quite supportive and willing to listen when you’re having a tough time with something!! 💕💓❤️The pillar of support and one of the few rare people I don’t mind interacting with (actually crave interacting with them) because of just how chill they are, I wish more people recognize that in a scorpio! 💕💓❤️

Libra/Aries is one of my longest childhood friend, probably from birth! 💕💓❤️ He’s a supportive big brother type figure. But he can be very silly and he doesn’t hold himself so seriously most of the time! 💕💓❤️ Whilst he’s very understanding and quite nosy with others, he tries to be subtle/sleek but he isn’t! I think he’s very endearing when he wants to be, and he deserves someone who loves him lots as well 💕💓❤️ We reunited for the first time in 6 years the other day? And I think we both ended up crying a little and holding hands because we miss each other alot! 💕💓❤️ It was very nice, I think he’s much more emotional (just suppressed) than what people realize! 💕💓❤️ He’s very caring though - like willing to talk you through your problems and make sure you’re taken care of, back on your feet, but also willing to smile scarily at people who’ve hurt you and actually take them to court/yell at them for you. I think its very sweet! 💕💓❤️

Virgo/Sag is someone I hung out with for a short period of time, but kept in contact with periodically throughout my life because we ended up going through similar majors/path in life! 💕💓❤️ She’s someone who’s very caring, wants to take care of you, when she’s endeared by you she makes sure to dote on you often! 💕💓❤️ Actually, she’s born a day after Namjoon I think? But that’s not the point, the thing is - she’s my virgo/sag and when she’s not by my virgo/sag she’s super cool and I can see that many of our friend respects her/think she’s very mature + she’s the Shit! 💕💓❤️ I really admire her too and I think she’s super cool, but more than that, I love how caring and tender she is. She’s the best 💕💓❤️

These are the people I grew up with, and then I went to college and met/lived with Scorpio/Cap + Pisces/Scorpio+Aqua.

Scorpio/Cap and I actually hit it off since the first day? We were in orientation, and we’re both talkative I guess! But in similar ways. He appreciates my bluntness/sense of humour and I like that he’s sarcastic and the only one engaging enough to be around/paying attention to what’s happening. We went to a house party together and then had 1 class together the semester. After that, me and him decided we’d live together off campus (along with our other friend who fell through, I think he’s a Leo?) - whilst we lived together we share majors in the same division, on holidays or at night after class, we’d grab dinner together + walk there, or we’d eat at home and binge watch a marathon he’d pick together. 💕💓❤️ It’s really fun! 💕💓❤️

Both of us like cooking, so he’d make dishes/drinks and I’d do that and we’d coerced each other to hang out in the living space together. Basically, we’re there to force each other to socialize/hang out with people and also encourage each other. It’s very fun! But we also had moments where we’d buy each other dinner/go to art galleries/exhibit together. There’s more serious too of course, like talking about our problems or worrying about stuff. But I think I found someone who looks out for me/I can look out for him, be confidants for each other and not be embarrassed with each other. Besides this, he also found my p0rn collection and suddenly mentioned it when we’re on campus so now I can never unfriend him because he has blackmail material on me. I’m forced to be his friends forever now.

Pisces/Cap and Pisces/Aqua are my roommates after Scorpio/Cap - actually, Pisces/cap invited me to live with them when I was finding a place, it was very fortunate! 💕💓❤️ We’re all close friends because we live in the same hall during first year, plus me and Pisces/cap (and a Gemini friend) would get drunk + go to parties together so!! This is very convenient! 💕💓❤️

Actually.. Pisces/cap, me and Gemini friend.. I went with Gemini friend to buy his apartment with him (along with his friends, I’m good friends with them too) and Pisces/cap went with him to buy furnitures lmao! 💕💓❤️ And then me and Pisces/cap moved in together, although I didn’t room with them. I roomed with Pisces/Aqua whom till this date is my favourite roommate I’ve ever lived with! 💕💓❤️

It’s a little messy with Pisces/Cap but not in a? bad way? at all? Like we’re close friends who still talk often, but they did confess once over the holidays, and I turned them down (that was when I was about to move in) - we did make out along with pisces/aqua but like.. that’s... I guess that’s normal for college y know? We did a couple projects together for their class, like a comic about me and gemini friend, poems, photography, I drew them something. And I think they did have something with Gemini friend as well but! Gemini friend moved away on the last year so it never went anywhere there.

But these are all good memories we had together and it’s not like-- bad at all, I don’t ever think badly at them for it because it was honest to them/for them, it was their emotions and tenderness from the heart? I can’t ever look down on anyone for that or judge them for being true to themselves, I actually think they’re very brave to be able to heal themselves and process things especially involving emotions like that. I also think these are all precious and honest memories, being friends with them definitely helped me grow my EQ by so much. Without them, I’d be very close-minded today! 💕💓❤️

Pisces/aqua is my roommate for a long time, and I love them to bits too! 💕💓❤️ They have two cats, both I love so so much and would sacrifice getting up for very often! 💕💓❤️ More than that, Pisces/aqua is so smart and able to pick things up immediately! It’s honestly very admirable, how they pierce things together. Whether it’s tarot or astrology, they’re the one who got me into this actually? 💕💓❤️ It was their interest before it became mine through proxy or maybe osmosis lmao, but they’re quite judgey and sometimes have a ? idk, superiority complex/elitist attitude towards stuff sometimes? So I never really talked about it much with them because it can get really frustrating sometimes 💕💓❤️ I do love them lots though, I can be ignorant of a lot of things and really slow on the uptake, but they’re very nice and kind and patient with me - honestly they’re as patient as a saint sometimes with me. And I’m really really thankful to them for it! 💕💓❤️ They’re getting married this year to a Scorpio! 💕💓❤️

Taurus/taurus and Cancer/cancer are my college best friends. Actually we hang out outside of class too! 💕💓❤️ I celebrated cancer/cancer’s birthday with them and their friends/roommates and it’s really fun. Heres why it’s -- like, momentous. It’s because my college classmates are more like colleagues or co-workers, so we don’t usually have that kind of camaraderie outside of first year. Plus, we’re all kind of working or busy with our private life outside of class - so it’s hard to reconvene that with who you know in classrooms.

They like their private life separated from the college one, which is what I prefer as well. I really adore them though, since we have a major that usually makes us get little to no sleep and have to stay at school at night-till morning most nights (for programs on the computer or printing facilities, rip) -- they’re the one who would either stay up with me, working together at the same table and we can ask each other for fresh eyes on our work. Or they’d motivate me to go home and not be stupid to stay at school. Or they’d drive me home so they know I get back safely/on time. It’s just -- I adore them so much they’re very very good! 💕💓❤️

Taurus/Taurus is also a college best friend whom I befriended later on in the years, they’re really sweet! 💕💓❤️ We have more of a friendship where we spend time outside together, walking in the city trying out a new cake store or just going back to their place to play games or talk about what else we have going on in our lives. They’re really busy!! Since they’re involved in church activities, they travel to another town an hour away every sunday - their dedication to their work, school and church (AND spending time with their fiance’s family + fiance) is amazing! 💕💓❤️ They also got me my first job at the firm they’re working in, in our last years - I made sure they’re not too tired and get their work done on time so they don’t rush their finished project. Or give better advice if the teacher is making them fume. I really like them lots too, we had alot of fun together AND they’re a foodie! 💕💓❤️

There’s another Libra/Aries whom I knew from college, while I was still living with Scorpio/Cap - I was in another town/not the same town as the Pisces back then. But Libra/Aries was close and she’d come by often! We’d travel the city together, lay on the lawn, go to parks together or exhibit. They’re very proactive and we spend a lot of time talking about work and projects, personal interests, when we watch movies together - we’d spend time sitting in cafes after watching them to talk for hours/until closing about the movie ( ‘we have alot to unpack’) -- they’re a lot of fun to talk to because they’re just as intense about stuff! 💕💓❤️ And their interest is genuine, give good hugs, a little too loud for our cats but she means well! 💕💓❤️

This is brief recount of everyone, mostly focusing on activities we did together but knowing them as people obviously made a big impression on me! 💕💓❤️

Leo/Caps are people I met since I finished college/working now, they’re my two admins on the blog actually! 💕💓❤️So internet friends, but I really click with and they’re soothing + fun to be around when I’m home/anywhere! 💕💓❤️

Sag/Taurus is also another internet friend, I’ve known her for a year now? But man, every conversation is an adventure and she’s so fun to be around! 💕💓❤️ Also very sweet and an extremely kind person, in a fire sign kind of way. Which means a lot of gawking from me and very loud laughs. But yes! 💕💓❤️ Very good people! 💕💓❤️

I do have friends from work... but well we’re not close enough for me to actually consider them good friends/talk about them personally? They’re nice! But I have yet to form a more positive opinion about them - it’s positive and negative, so I’ll see who survives and come through as a person I’d like to hang out with outside of work. 💕💓❤️

To Virgo/Pisces anon:

Here’s my best friend application do I make the cut please reply 💕💓❤️

#about me #phew this took a while to answer!#virgo/pisces anon #are we best friends now pls tell me #anon #asks

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karasunonolibero · 4 years

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2019 writing self-evaluation

so i did this over on my main last year, and since i had what i felt was a productive year, i wanted to do it here! i’ve included all works, from every fandom i wrote for, so there’s definitely a variety but also a clear distinction of when i stopped writing 1d and started writing for haikyuu, heh. anyway, i’m proud of all the work i’ve done this year, so here’s to 2020!

ALL FICS MUST HAVE POSTED ON AO3 IN 2019

1. Number of stories (including drabbles) posted to AO3: 50

2. Word count posted for the year: 147,038

3. List of works published this year (in order of posting):

two loves have i (5 january)

it’s only your imagination again (25 january)

the pain’s only temporary (8 february)

blow a kiss, fire a gun (9 may)

waiting to be found (14 may)

a swim with a shark (6 june)

sweet and lowdown (19 june)

one more time as if we planned it (24 june)

always be my thunder (23 july)

will your mouth read this truth (30 july)

tumblr drabbles & prompts (last updated 3 august)

I’m on my way up (’cos you make me bliss out) (completed 4 august) (collab with Rider_Of_Spades on ao3)

even mountains crumble into the sea (7 august)

we’re on each other’s team (14 august)

dangerous, tainted, flawed (20 august)

life can do terrible things (25 august)

the night before life goes on (1 september)

when the letter says a soldier’s coming home (17 september)

when the air ran out (19 september)

something missing tonight (21 september)

built castles from sand (26 september)

underneath the stars we came alive (8 october)

sweet talk and sugar (10 october)

got my name on this treasure (11 october)

just a little taste, babe (14 october)

iwaoi horror week drabbles (completed 1 november)

don’t let the tide come (31 october)

daisuga week drabbles (completed 24 november)

how (not) to put on a condom (26 november)

taste the tension, now i’m begging (2 december)

kiss the boy (7 december)

till tonight do us part (11 december)

i wish i could be there now (13 december)

on our way to twenty-seven (15 december)

for the dream far away (24 december)

a collar full of chemistry (25 december)

fall down and commune with me (28 december)

a little of love’s electricity (31 december)

the city is at war (last updated 31 december)

4. Fandoms I wrote for: (stats pulled from the ao3 filter feature on my works)

haikyuu!! (41)

one direction (9)

the legend of zelda: breath of the wild (3)

all time low (1)

crystalline (1)

5. Pairings: (i didn’t count side or past pairings)

iwaizumi hajime/oikawa tooru (14)

sawamura daichi/sugawara koushi (13)

oikawa tooru/sugawara koushi (4)

azumane asahi/nishinoya yuu (3)

kuroo tetsurou/sawamura daichi (2)

kuroo tetsurou/yaku morisuke (1)

akaashi keiji/oikawa tooru (1)

sawamura daichi/sugawara koushi/terushima yuuji (1)

sawamura daichi/terushima yuuji (1)

sugawara koushi/terushima yuuji (1)

link/revali (1)

mipha/zelda (1)

louis tomlinson/harry styles (5)

louis tomlinson/zayn malik (1)

alex gaskarth/louis tomlinson (1)

liam payne/louis tomlinson (1)

zack spade/pixel fade (1)

6. Story with the most:

Kudos: two loves have i (275)

Bookmarks: two loves have i (34)

Comments: two loves have i (25)

9. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

on our way to twenty-seven! i was digging into some identity and sexuality issues that i myself have dealt with in the past and writing about it was the first time i’d really dove into some of that stuff, so i really enjoyed writing it and i think it’s some of my best.

i’m also really proud of i’m taking back the crown and i wish i could say why. i just really like the way it came out. writing oikawa as this desperate dethroned prince trying to reclaim his kingdom at any cost only to be beaten at his own game in his own home was just...ugh. it was so much fun to write.

10. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

one more time as if we planned it, definitely. i just felt super rushed writing it. it was for the one direction rarepair fest, which was super fun, but i had Just finished a longer fic a few days before this one was due and i initially tried to drop out because i thought i wouldn’t be able to finish it, but i did, but i still feel like it’s rushed and just not as good as it could have been if i’d planned better and given it some more time.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

im gonna do what i did last year and post more than one, because 1. i can’t decide and 2. i quite honestly am pretty proud of a lot of what i wrote this year

from when the letter says a soldier’s coming home —

Tooru’s squealing somewhere behind them, and Hajime’s gruffly trying to get out the door, and he’ll have to call the school and make up something about being sick so he can spend the day catching up with Daichi, but it can wait. It can all wait. Because Koushi’s waited long enough. It’s about time the rest of the world waits for him.

from strawberries on a summer evening —

Suga hums against him, licking strawberry seeds from between Daichi’s teeth, like he’s just as intoxicated by Daichi as Daichi is with him. Daichi could live here, in this feeling, ignoring everything except how Suga sounds (like bliss personified), smells (like sunblock and sweat), tastes (like sugar and salt). He’s the hottest part of the summer, high noon in mid-August, just this side of too much to handle, but addicting in how it leaves you at its mercy.

from on our way to twenty-seven —

“Sorry, what was your name again?”

Tetsurou opens his mouth to say his American name, but he catches Daichi and Suga looking at him, and he swallows it down. “My name is Tetsurou. Tetsurou Kuroo.”

“I thought you wanted people to call you Tyler,” Timothy says.

Tetsurou shoots him a glare and says it again, feeling his confidence start to grow. “My name is Tetsurou Kuroo. Tetsu is fine, too, but I don’t go by Tyler anymore.”

12. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

any time tasteofsummersnow left me a comment, it made my heart go doki doki!! her comments are so in depth and so very sweet and it’s so much fun to see her real-time reactions to my writing. i go back and reread them like once a week they’re so nice ;_;

13. A time when writing was really, really hard:

the spring/early summer in general was tough, like from march to june. i didn’t post anything between february and may, and i feel like i was struggling a lot creatively around like may/june of this year. i think it’s because a lot of stuff in the 1d fandom was really turning me off at the time and that’s when the burnout fully hit.

14. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

definitely sugawara in the city is at war. i was writing that first chapter and initially i just wanted to see him step up when daichi wasn’t around but he very quickly turned sadistic and ruthless and scarily sharp, which is just so much fun to write him as. and his relationship with daichi is just—ugh. love that violence-fueled romance. they would kill a hundred men for each other and be turned on once they were finished.

honestly, all of the city is at war has surprised me. the idea came to me in a dream on a long bus ride, of all the clan leaders having a meeting and being attacked, and i woke up and banged it out in 36 hours. i meant it to be a oneshot but as i wrote it, i realized i loved the au so much there was no way i could leave it at that. so now it’s got a whole plot and all that. fun!

15. How did you grow as a writer this year:

last year i said i felt i grew writing angst and exploring different emotional themes, and i think i built on that even more this year. i did a bunch of shorter pieces this year and i feel a lot of them really explored emotions and characters more than plot, and that’s been so much fun. and then as well, like i said before, i’ve branched out into the crime-action genre with the yakuza au. and! iwaoi horror week was my first real attempt at spooky/creepy/horror-type writing, and, it was a fun challenge for sure.

i also said i wanted to just keep writing and be spontaneous and i definitely did that this year. i posted so many fics not caring how long it had been since the last one—sometimes it was less a day. numbers stopped mattering to me. i posted just because i wanted to put my writing out there and share it with the world, knowing there had to be someone out there who’d like it.

16. How do you hope to grow next year:

i feel like 2019 was a year of trying a lot of new things, so in 2020 i’m hoping to explore some different ships and tropes. the sheer number of characters and ships in haikyuu means there’s a ship for just about every trope and au out there, and i want to play around with some dynamics i’ve never written before.

17. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

as always, a shoutout to the loggies, who have been a fantastic source of inspiration and support all year even after i retired from 1d fic. and i would also like to thank the people i met via various hq discord servers—you know who you are!! thank you for the sprints, the encouragement, the inspiration, and the friendship. as someone brand new to the fandom, the support and sense of community has been nothing short of amazing, and you guys are part of the reason i felt so comfortable in this fandom so quickly.

18. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

actually, yeah. even mountains crumble into the sea was written the night before i broke up with my ex. i wrote it as an exercise to get all my feelings out, lay them all on the table where i could see them and pick through them, and then imagine the best possible way the scenario could go.

19. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

honestly—just write! write what you’re happy with. write even if you don’t post it. write, because everything you do is practice that’ll help you improve.

and don’t be afraid to write out of order or write more than one project at a time. i know that won’t work for everyone, but for me, if i didn’t immediately write what was on my mind, i probably wouldn’t have posted half of what i did this year.

20. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

hey remember last year when i said i was gonna finish the breath of the wild au?? L M A O i’m really gonna finish it next year i swear!!

i have a fic posting in the spring for the nsfw big bang which i’m ALSO very excited about! i’m lucky to be working with such a talented artist and the end result is gonna be amazing and i’m so so excited.

i also want to keep going with the city is at war, because that plot was a pleasant surprise. and there’s an ever-growing list of fic ideas and aus that i’m so excited to write—some of them were originally for larry aus but i’ve repurposed them for haikyuu pairings and that’s helped breathe new life into some old ideas.

21. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

anyone who sees this and wants to do it! just tag me, i wanna read your answers!

#keely.exe #keely's writing tag

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throwawayaccountsworld-blog · 5 years

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My Ex Boyfriend

TW: Transphobia, ableism, fatphobia, bodyshaming, victim blaming, domestic abuse, death, suicide, self harm, eating disorders, gaslighting

This isn’t a “tell me to dump him” post, he already dumped me and I’m mostly just venting and laying my cards on the table, I’m sorry for how long it is but I wanted to give full context to everything, tl;dr at the bottom.

I won’t go through the entire history of my relationship with my ex (mostly because we’d be here for hours) but we were together for 4 years, when we first met I was 19 and he was in his 30’s and we hit it off right away, I’d never actually wanted to date anyone before I got talking with him (I felt that between my Asperger’s syndrome how my mood often was that I was too damaged) but for the first three years we were great together, things weren’t perfect but he made me happy and I thought I’d done the same for him.

Anyway right after we got together my sister died due to a genetic disorder and in the process I lost my best (and at the time my only) friend, I’d planned my entire life around her and suddenly I had to accept that I’d lost her, I spent a lot of nights lying awake and thinking about how I should have died instead (I know now that that’s unhealthy and that it isn’t rational to think like that) He was amazing during this, he was so understanding, so emotionally available and he’d listen to me for hours and hours as I talked, it was during this period that I realized I’d started slowly fallen in love with him.

Three years in I was in my final year of university and I got a call from my boyfriend, his mother had taken her own life, understandably he was devastated, he’d been her carer for years and we’d all wanted to believe she was making progress with her mental health. I booked a train up to be with him immediately.

I spent six weeks in a different country with him as he grieved, tried to make sense of why she’d done what she did and helped to arrange her funeral as well as settle any accounts she had left, it was a stressful time in our relationship but I was determined that I was going to support him just like he’d supported me.

During this period my boyfriend started to become very short tempered with me, he’d shout at me (usually for putting my foot in it and saying the wrong thing) but given what had just happened it was understandable, he’d just lost his mother in arguably one of the worst ways, and to make it worse he found her body so I quickly forgave him during this period.

It was during this period that I’d finally come to terms with the fact that I was transgender, I’d spent years fighting the way that I felt because I didn’t want to be a burden to my family or to my boyfriend but after a lot of soul searching I knew I had to tell my boyfriend about it, his mother had left a note and a lot of what she said was scarily relatable to me, I felt that if I didn’t get this off my chest then I may have ended up going the same way. I was terrified but I sat him down and explained how I felt and he was extremely understanding, he told me he loved me, that he’d love me no matter what I did and that he’d be right there to support me because we were partners, I knew then for sure that what we had was real.

The funeral came and went, it was an extremely emotional day for everyone and when it was over I went to give him a hug, he’d handled the funeral well but I thought he’d need the support, instead of hugging me back he pushed me off of him and said he wanted a drink, I was a bit hurt by this but I figured that he was just grieving so I decided to try and make sure he didn’t drink too much. Anyway he ended up drinking sixteen beers and calling me a “miserable Debby downer” in front of his family (I’d been diagnosed with major depressive disorder a few months back) and it stung, I tried to tell myself that he was drunk, probably thought it was just crude humor and would apologize in the morning (he didn’t)

The day before I was due to head home he decided to get drunk again, this time on a full bottle of whiskey, at first he was laughing, joking and it was all fun, then he started doing karaoke which was still fine although I was worried about the neighbors but overall everything was fine, then when we were getting ready for bed he wanted to wrestle (he’d occasionally do this to me but I was always fine with it, he was gentle and it was more of a mess around than anything) anyway he ended up putting me in a headlock and then he applied a lot of pressure, I remember trying to get him to stop but he kept going for another seven seconds before letting go and passing out.

I lay up most of the night trying to rationalize what had happened just then, he’d always stopped when I wanted him to in the past, and he’d always been gentle but just then he’d hurt me, I remember bringing it up to him in the morning and he said he didn’t remember doing that to me and that I probably misread the situation, I ended up agreeing with him before heading home.

During my stay with my boyfriend I’d put on some weight (about 14lbs) and he mentioned it to me when I was skyping with him, he said it didn’t look good with the clothes I was wearing now and that I’d look better if I dropped some weight (he kept making fat pig comments that were framed as jokes but they hurt honestly) I felt so self conscious over it that I used my student loan to get a personal trainer to help me drop the weight, instead I ended up eating under 500 calories a day and working out for three hours a day without the PT knowing, I dropped 4 stone in two months and while I felt that I looked great looking back I can see this wasn’t healthy, when my PT found out how I’d shifted the weight he was horrified and basically forced me to get help.

Around about this time I became friends with a guy I’d met via some charity work, I’ll call him Lee. Anyway me and Lee had a lot of the same hobbies and we both had major depressive disorder, he was someone I could talk to about the thoughts I was having (my boyfriend would always shut down any conversation about my mental state by bringing up the fact that his mother had major depressive disorder and that he couldn’t bare to talk about me taking my own life)

Around Christmas I ended up heading up to visit my boyfriend for a while, I’d done this every year and I felt that he could use the emotional support given that it was the first Christmas without his mother, when I got there he seemed strained and like he didn’t know how to interact with me, I found this odd but I didn’t think much of it, I figured that he was probably just upset given that it was the first Christmas since his mother passed away and that I’d do whatever I could to support him.

Anyway we got back to his house and the first thing he said to me was that I looked “pudgy” and that he didn’t like that I had to “dress like that” when coming to see him (I was wearing a pea coat, jeans and a pair of kitten heels)

I felt incredibly hurt by this and I told him as much, I told him that it was fucked up to say that when I’d travelled all that way to see him and then the whole thing descended into a screaming match where we ended up sitting in separate rooms crying.

About an hour later his sister showed up, they got into an argument, he said something truly disgusting (I’m not going to repeat it) and she left in tears, I was horrified and told him as much when he snapped at me for being “all buddy buddy” with his sister which lead to another argument, during this he grabbed me by the arms, rammed me into the wall and screamed in my face that I was a “pathetic sperg and that I was lucky he put up with me, anyone else would have dumped me” before leaving, I spent an hour in a heap on the floor crying that night.

Once I’d regained my composure I ended up confiding in Lee about what had happened and how I was feeling (whilst omitting the wall ramming) and he insisted on paying for a hotel if my boyfriend kicked me out (he’d threatened to do that at one point) along with a ticket back home, but then he cried and I ended up caving and forgiving him, but I was both frightened and angry at him still.

After I went home he started to complain about me hanging out with Lee, he started to accuse Lee of wanting to break us up, that I was interested in him and that he wasn’t going to stand for it, he said some pretty messed up stuff about Lee which I tried to ignore, but during this Lee found out about the issues in my relationship and blamed himself, he ended up self harming and drinking due to how bad he felt over the situation, as you can imagine I was horrified that my friend had done this because of me and my drama.

Anyway this all lead up to my graduation, my boyfriend had come down and he’d spent the whole time complaining and telling me how I’d put on so much weight, how I didn’t pass, how my outfits looked bad and how I hadn’t made any effort for him (I’d spent two weeks deep cleaning my apartment, bought in all his favourite food, got him an outfit for my graduation at his request and agreed to do anything he’d wanted)

Right after my graduation ceremony he nothing short of frog marched me into a taxi to get back to my place, I didn’t get to say “hi” to any of my friends and I didn’t get the chance to tell my mother what was happening before I was gone, anyway once we were home he stripped off, went to the bathroom but left his phone open when a message came through and I know what I did next was wrong but I read it, I know that was bad of me but I couldn’t help it.

He’d been cheating on me with his ex girlfriend (who he told me he was just friends with) for a year, right after I went home from supporting him during his mothers funeral he started having an affair, I can’t begin to tell you how I felt in that moment, initially I felt nothing, it didn’t seem real, I quickly deleted the message she’d sent (a simple “hey x”) and closed the phone.

It wasn’t until after he’d gone home and we were skyping that it came up, he told me he was dumping me, that she was pregnant, that I was a pathetic fat tranny who would never pass, that my sister was lucky because she got to get away from me and that I was a sperg who used my condition for sympathy, then he hung up and left me sat there on my own in the middle of the night.

I ended up drinking through all of the alcohol in my apartment before deliberately burning myself on the oven, I was crying the whole time, I sent him a long, rambling text saying that we could make it work, I’d drop the weight, I wouldn’t transition, I’d never talk about my conditions ever again if we could just go back to the way we were but he only responded by saying I was the reason his mother killed herself and that he wished I would “do the world a favour and jump”

I’m doing better now, me and Lee got together recently and I feel that this relationship is a lot healthier than what I had before, I suppose I’m just putting this out there to try and move on so that I can give him the better parts of myself, my ex and I reconnected on a distant basis recently, he’s ok, the ex of his is ok, he’s sorry but we both agreed to never date each other again.

Tl;dr – boyfriend dumped me for the woman he cheated on me with for a year and almost made me kill myself.

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mikakrul-gives-me-life · 5 years

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Seraph of the End Theory: Being a Vampire is an euphism for having Depression

Hi everyone. This is your friendly neighborhood Scot mikakrul-gives-me-life here, and welcome to my first fan theory about Seraph of the End.

So, I think, in this show, being a Vampire is an euphism for having depression

This has been on my mind ever since I first watched Seraph of the End. I myself suffer from depression, and watching SoTE hit me in the feels about my depression, especially via the character of Mika. Let's dive in.

Firstly let's look at what happens when a human becomes a Vampire:

They lose all/most of their capability to feel emotion

They have no desire

They feel as if they have no reason to live

They feel worthless

They feel as if they don't have any emotional connections or bonds with anyone

Now, compare those with the signs and symptoms of a depressed/suicidal person

Not feeling happy anymore

Not feeling emotionally connected to people anymore

Feeling like a burden

Not enjoying things that you used to like

Feelings of worthlessness that persist for over two weeks

Not feeling like there's a home for you

Lack of social interaction with others

Constantly staring down at the floor

Having no desire to do anything

Just staying in the same spot for hours

Not really doing anything or caring when anyone insults you or related

Thinking everything and everyone would be better off if you killed themselves

Thinking life has no meaning anymore

Having immense feelings of anxiety and guilt

It's scarily accurate. It's too accurate to be a coincidence. This is why I believe Kagami himself, in real life, may have suffered from depression as well because only someone with depression could write such an accurate description of it.

Another thing that struck me about these vampires was that they hated the First Progenitor, who was their creator, for giving them such crappy lives. Compare this to a suicidal/depressed person hating God for giving them a crappy life.

Also, notice how most of the vampires are emotionless? Like, they have stoic expressions that don't change at all? That's what happens to you when you're depressed. Depression kills your ability to feel happiness and leaves you as an emotionless corpse. It's like being ready to die because you feel that there is no point in life anymore, you're a burden on everyone and death is the only thing that can give you peace.

Having depression is described by many as a curse. Ferid and Krul at different times refer to being a vampire a curse.

I believe that Ferid, Crowley and Mikaela represent different aspects of depression and how they deal with it.

Let's start with Mikaela.

It's established early on that Mika was abused by his parents, and him going to Ferid for food is clearly a prostitution/pedophilia analogy. Being abused by your parents and sexual abuse are two of the biggest factors for depression in young children. Even my own depression was caused by these two things. Some famous people who also had depression because of this include Chester Bennington. Depression leads to feelings of self loathing and self hatred, which in turn leads to suicide.

Now, Mika is clearly depressed. But here's something I noticed, that I'm surprised no one else did.

Mika’s “depression” didn't begin as he was turned into a vampire. It was before that.

Remember that scene where Krul kissed Mika? Before that, she offered him a choice asking if he wanted to live. Mika denied it, wanting to die instead.

THAT was when his depression began. The minute Ferid cut off his arm, he gave up all hope. At that point he was ready to die.

Even if he somehow did manage to survive as a human, it wouldn't change a thing about his personality. I believe that most of his cynical character is rooted in himself, not because he became a vampire.

Now let's move on to his relationship with Krul.

This one is rather confusing, because I cannot specifically pin what exactly Krul’s role to Mika is. It could be either

Krul is an euphism for a psychiatrist/psychologist. Think about it. She pulls Mika out of the brink of death and heals him, provides him the love and support and emotional connection he's been missing out on. It's implied that Mika told her everything about his life, like one would do to a psychiatrist. Her blood could be an euphism for antidepressants, which is why Mika craves it.

Krul is an euphism for an owner and Mika is her puppy. Think about it. She refers to Mika as her “puppy”, “servant” and “pet”. I mean, unless you're into S&M and that's what you call your sub, I don't know why else you'd say that. But Mika is an abused puppy. A scared one, and she showers him with the love, warmth and affection he needs in an attempt to pull him out of his depression. She wants him to be happy like puppies usually are. She also strokes his hair and pets him like he's her puppy. Even Lacus at one point says that Krul is tugging on Mika’s leash. Okay now that I think of it that's definitely a BDSM reference.

Krul is an euphism for God. Maybe I'm overanalyzing on this one a bit, but listen. She arrives at an INSANELY contrived time to rescue Mika and she bends the rules of mortal life and death for him. Also, when you look at the way Mika drinks from her from a specific angle it looks like he's in a praying position. Since Mika was named after an angel it makes sense.

Krul is an euphism for a savior. She pulled Mika out of a life where he was forced to prostitute himself for food, and she continues to provide Mika with free food and not demand anything in return. Mika owes his life to her for saving him.

Krul is an euphism for someone who has overcome depression, and wants to help Mika overcome his own. Given that Krul has been alive for over 1200 years, surely she must have found some way to put up with the curse of being a vampire. Either that, or she's still looking for it and having someone who suffers depression can help her.

Honestly, I don't know what exactly it is because we haven't seen much of Krul, despite the fact that she's the best character in the entirety of the anime. I haven't quite gotten my finger on it but right now (26th March 2019) these are my best guesses. I wish we got more of her though, so I could determine it.

Okay, now let's move on to Crowley.

Mika’s depression is rooted more in the abuse bit and feelings of self loathing, whilst Crowley’s one seems to be more of losing interest in things.

Let's start with the beginning of The Story of Vampire Mikaela.

It establishes that ever since the Crusade, Crowley has been losing interest in being a Templar, something Ferid, Jose and Gilbert lampshade on later. He rarely interacts with his comrades, instead choosing to stay alone like a hermit in his house. His reaction to Jose coming in is basically GET OUT OF MY SWAMP.

Like Mikaela, he shows symptoms of depression/common behavior characteristics of a vampire before becoming a vampire.

I think Chapter 3 of the novel (the ones where his Templar comrades fucking party) is one of the most important bits of the novel, because it shows us a lot about Crowley’s personality.

Crowley is shown to be introverted and not very social. Compare that to his best friend Victor who's really social with everyone, and literally any other Templar. With the exception of Gilbert, Crowley’s behavior is different from everyone else's.

I think Chapter 3 of the novel (the ones where his Templar comrades fucking party) is one of the most important bits of the novel, because it shows us a lot about Crowley’s personality.

Crowley is shown to be introverted and not very social. Compare that to his best friend Victor who's really social with everyone, and literally any other Templar. With the exception of Gilbert (Gilbert is seriously fucking underrated and deserved better), Crowley’s behavior is different from everyone else's.

All his Templar friends are social and outgoing, unlike him. I always interpreted it as Crowley having severe anxiety disorder or something. He's more of the shut in type. Scientific research suggests a link between anxiety and depression.

I feel that after the war, that's when Crowley’s suicidal feelings begin. He doesn't enjoy being a Templar like he used to, he doesn't ever seem to be happy. It seems that he's just waiting for his death to come. He seems to hate himself and even blames himself for not saving his comrades. He starts losing interest in everything, and that carries onto when he becomes a Vampire.

The end of the novel where Jose dies stabbed me in the feels. He was such a sweet cinnamon roll who deserved better. It affected Crowley as well, because for him that was the last straw. After that he became completely emotionless. Jose was the last connection Crowley had to the human world, and after he was gone, Crowley truly lost his humanity.

I think that it's something we're all personally afraid of - scared of losing interest in the things we love and change our completely happy and content states and becoming an entirely different person. Like I said before, depression kills your ability to feel happy. It kills your ability to feel love and self worth, and leaves you as a mess of worthlessness and hatred.

And now, Ferid. Dear God, Ferid.

Many people theorize that Ferid acts the way he does because a long time ago, he became a vampire and ever since then, he's been losing his emotions. His stints for “entertainment” are the only things that can give him emotional stimulation.

I kind of find fault with that theory, because it's been mentioned that Ferid was always like this, even as a child. Like Mikaela and Crowley: common characteristics of a vampire before becoming one himself.

We don't know much about Ferid's childhood, but we can assume Saito was there, though I doubt it. Saito treated Ferid the same way Ferid treated Mika, (though without the creepy rape/pedophilia thing, hopefully). An alternative theory is that he treated him like Guren treats Yu.

Here's what I think.

Ferid, even as a child, was insanely clever and because of that it was hard for him to make friends. Seriously. Becoming a vampire had no effect on him, because he was always like that.

The main reason he got along with Saito so well was because like him, Saito was insanely clever. Ferid saw him as an equal, but Saito only saw him for his Seraph gene and when that was deemed insufficient for him, he abandoned Ferid. Maybe he turned Ferid into a vampire as a punishment for not being enough for him.

But that's just beating around the bush, let's get too how Ferid represents an aspect of a depressed person.

Ferid, in my opinion, represents the Stepford Smiler aspect of depression. As the TV Tropes article says, it's a person who pretends their happy when they're actually the complete opposite.

When you're depressed, you don't really show it to your friends or loved ones. You act completely normal in front of them, but when you're alone you're a sobbing wreck.

Ferid on the surface acts happy, but in reality it's to mask everything he feels about Saito: anger, sadness, confusion, hurt or curiosity. I say Saito specifically because he's the only one who Ferid seems to care about.

His stints may or may not be for emotional stimulus, either they are, or either Ferid wants to wait for Saito to come back and needs to find some way to keep himself occupied until that day comes. Ferid could have other motives we don't know about.

Ferid could also trying to emulate Saito. He sees Saito being all cool and everything and thinks that if he becomes like him, all his depressed feelings will go away. He could be trying to turn Saito back into a human.

I don't know because like they say, Ferid is unpredictable. It could be one of our theories or something no one has ever thought of before.

But one things for certain: Being a Vampire is an euphism for having Depression.

And that really makes me think….what could have happened to Takaya Kagami that made him write all this?

He must have obviously had depression in real life, because this is scarily accurate.

I don't know much about his personal life and his website doesn't say anything about it either. I know that mangaka don't reveal their personal information that commonly but maybe in the future he may be more public about it.

I hope I'm not overanalyzing everything.

It's 1:33 AM as I write this I should be in bed now dammit.

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everlarkrealornot · 6 years

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The PANEM Initiative, Chapter Twenty-One

Seriously guys, if you are still reading this - thank you so much! I know this is taking forever to finish!

Chapter 21

“I’m glad you’re home, and….I’m glad I’m here with you.” Katniss kept her eyes closed, not wanting to let go of what she was feeling. The pressure of his hand on her back, his heart beating against her chest, the smell of his body wash was all perfectly Peeta and it filled her senses, not leaving room for anything else.

The light pressure of his lips against her forehead surprised her and she jumped lightly, opening her eyes. She felt more than heard his soft laugh and smiled back.

“I didn’t mean to startle you.” He said as he let go of her hand and placed his hand on her neck, reaching his thumb up to rub her jaw. “I know that certain things have been awkward between us,”

“That’s my fault,” She said interrupting him. She slid her hand over his, trapping his against her cheek.

“OH! There you two are!” Effie’s high pitched voice rang in their ears. “I need to speak with you for a moment.”

“Effie – ” Peeta let go of Katniss’s hand and stepped back – “is everything okay?”

“This way please.” Effie motioned to a hallway, ignoring Peeta’s question.

They exchanged worried looks but followed her through the crowd. They were quiet as they walked and once they were in the empty hallway Effie’s heals clicked loudly against the floor making Katniss’s head pound.

“Here.” Effie stopped outside a large door and gestured for them to enter. She followed them in and sat down at the small table.

“Effie, what is this about? Did we do something wrong with the wedding packet?” Katniss had hated doing it the first time and was dreading the thought of having to redo any of it.

“No, no. That was perfectly delightful!” She said giving them a scarily bright smile. “No, what I need to speak to you about is a delicate situation.” Peeta and Katniss exchanged looks again and Katniss couldn’t help but think it had something to do with Mrs. Mellark. “Peeta, your parent’s Review Board hearing is only a couple of months away. I have been talking with some of my superiors and they do not want you two to attend.”

“What?” Peeta furrowed his brow in confusion. “You were the one that suggested Katniss be at the Review Hearing in the first place.”

“I know and I am sorry, Peeta, but the Initiative believes it would be best for your match relationship if you two where not there during the proceedings.” Effie sat calmly, not meeting their eyes.

“With all due respect Effie, I will be at that Review Board supporting my father.” He stood up and reached his hand out to Katniss who didn’t hesitate to take it. “And Katniss with be at my side, supporting me.” Effie held a tight-lipped expression as Peeta led Katniss out the door and back to their table.

“What was that about?” Finnick asked when they sat down and nodded his head in the direction of a very agitated looking Effie.

“She doesn’t want us at my parent’s Review Board hearing.” Peeta grabbed the glass of whiskey out of Finnick’s hand and threw the rest back. “Sorry.” He waved over one of the wait staff that was wandering from table to table and ordered two more drinks for himself and Finnick as well as another spiked hot chocolate for Katniss.

“Your parents are a match, right?” Johanna asked. Peeta nodded a silent yes. “What’s the hearing for?”

“Personal, Johanna.” Finnick’s tone was annoyed.

“No, it’s okay.” Peeta turned back to Johanna. “My dad filed for divorce.”

“Damn.” Finnick and Johanna swore at the same time.

“Why?” Johanna’s interest was still peaked.

“Seriously, Jo?” Finnick turned to her in irritation. “This is why we don’t have friends.”

Peeta and Katniss exchanged glances and started laughing, Effie’s annoyance was starting to wear off.

“Really, it’s okay.” Peeta assured him. “Besides, it’s nice having a couple of friends who get this whole thing…yeah?” He asked Katniss with an eyebrow raised.

Katniss smiled and grabbed the mug the waiter had just sat down in front of her and raised it slightly, saying, “Yeah is right.”

Peeta smiled and took his drink, clinking it against Finnick’s and Johanna’s (who was begrudgingly drinking non-spiked hot chocolate) glasses and then swallowed the whole thing. Giving a little gasp for air, he sat his glass down with a thud.

“My mom didn’t want the match, no surprise here.” Peeta shrugged and motioned to the room that was filled with couples who didn’t want to be matched. “She never wanted kids and her way of…coping with being a mother was to use a heavy hand when it came to punishment.” He twirled the empty glass between his hands. “I don’t have any happy memories with my mom.” He added the last part quietly.

Katniss was watching Johanna intently as Peeta talked. Her face was scrunched up in worry as she stared down at her belly, her hands splayed widely across the bump.

“Johanna?” Katniss leaned forward, placing her elbow on the table. If Peeta wanted to be friends with them, then Katniss was going to do her best to do just that.

“Mhm?” Johanna looked up and met her eyes.

“You’re not like her.” She held her gaze.

“How…how do you know?” Johanna looked back down at her belly again.

“Because you’re not.” Finnick said and looked at his wife in surprise. “You would never treat our kids like that.”

“I’m a selfish person, Finnick! You of all people should know that!” The mock anger in her voice was betrayed by the sadness in her eyes. “I didn’t want this life…I didn’t want kids! I never wanted to be responsible to anyone else but myself!” She clenched her jaw and breathed hard through her nose, trying to keep the tears from flowing over.

“I saw you with your youngest when she was sick,” Katniss reached over and grabbed Johanna’s hand, “You were worried and you do care.” She was surprised when Johanna smiled and squeezed her hand.

“Thank you,” Johanna said softly. She let go of Katniss’s hand and wiped at her face. “I have to pee.” She stood up rather quickly for someone who looked so large, Katniss thought. “Be right back.”

Finnick turned and caught Johanna’s arm before she was out of reach.

“I can do some tequila shots, if you would like?” He asked with a small smile.

“You hate tequila,” she said wrinkling her nose.

“But you don’t.” Johanna grabbed his face and sloppily planted her lips on his, kissing him roughly.

“Please.” She practically purred, giving him a wink before turning to leave again.

“Shit.” Katniss sat open mouthed, staring at Finnick after Johanna was out of earshot.

“What? I know that’s not the worst thing you have seen her do.” He said as he pulled his already loose tie off. “Maybe one of the more suggestive…but I don’t always hear what she says to you.”

“You love her, don’t you?” Either that or the alcohol was making her see things (could be very possible, Katniss thought).

“She is the mother of my children.” He didn’t meet her eyes as he took a sip of her drink.

“No..well, yes, she is, but,” Katniss stumbled over her words (Ahh! There’s the alcohol!), “What I mean is that you are in love with her.”

“Maybe you’ve had a little too much to drink…” Peeta tried to take the mug from her hands, but she batted him away.

“It’s the way you look at her when she isn’t looking at you and the way you touch her when you think no one in watching the two of you.” Katniss moved to the edge of her seat and brought her eyes up to meet his. “You’re in love with your wife.”

Finnick stared back at her, not saying anything. He inhaled sharply and downed the last of his drink.

“I can’t tell her.” Finnick looked down at the table and pushed his empty glass away from himself. “I was in love with someone else when we got married.” He cleared his throat and looked up. “Jo and I had agreed early on in our courtship that love and romance were not in the cards for us, but then life happened.”

“Finnick, wouldn’t it make things easier for you if you just told – ”

“No!” He cut Katniss off. “She can’t know.”

“Why not?” Peeta asked, confused.

“We promised each other that this was going to be a no emotional strings attached marriage,” Finnick turned in the direction of Peeta’s nodding and saw Johanna coming back, “you can’t tell her.”

Peeta and Katniss shared looks of doubt, but both agreed, “Okay.”

Katniss had invited Peeta in as soon as he had cut the engine. He had nodded yes silently and followed her inside without a word. They had reminded silent as they tiptoed through the house, past her mother and sister’s rooms and did their best to close the door behind them without making a noise. Peeta had slipped his shoes off and stretched his legs out on her bed, looking tired from the night’s events.

Katniss knew that from the amount of alcohol she had consumed and how late it was, she should be completed exhausted, but her body was on high alert. She could feel exactly where the back of her dress was cut and how much of her skin was exposed. She could feel Peeta’s eyes on her as she took off her boots and put them away. She shivered and reached for a sweater, slipping it on over the long sleeves of her dress.

“I don’t want to end up like Finnick.” He spoke suddenly and dropped his gaze.

“Neither do I.” She agreed sitting down at the end of the bed, his toes brushing her thigh. “I want you to feel like you can tell me anything.” He smiled and nodded his head, thinking on it for a moment.

“And I want you to always be honest with me – even if you think it will hurt my feelings.” He slid down the bed, hanging his legs over the side so he could sit next to her. “I’m strong enough to hear whatever you need to tell me.”

Katniss inhaled sharply and just looked at him for a moment, confused by his words.

“Peeta, I, I really did mean it when I said I was glad you’re home.” She hesitated a moment but then leaned in and kissed him softly. “And I’m glad I’m here with you,” she said as she settled her forehead against his. He cupped the side of her face and closed his eyes, breathing her in.

“Kat, I know you heard me say it when I was yelling at Rye,” he opened his eyes and she nodded slightly, “I meant it…but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Katniss frowned and shook her head, leaning back so she could see his face.

“No, it doesn’t make me uncomfortable.” She took his hand from her face and held it. “It shocked me at first, but I did like hearing it.”

“It wasn’t the way I wanted to tell you,” he laughed at himself, “but it was out there and I couldn’t keep ignoring it.”

“I don’t want to ignore it either,” she gently drew lazy patterns over the hand she was holding while she talked, “I’m just not there yet.” Peeta nodded at her in understanding. He gave her a small smile before tracing a finger over her lips.

“Would you be okay if I said – ”

“Yes.” Her voice was barely audible when she cut him off.

His smile grew and lit up his face. He looked down at their intertwined hands and brought them up to his face so he could kiss her knuckles. He set her hands back in her lap and cupped her face again, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear first.

“I love you, Katniss.”

#everlark #thg #au #arranged marriage #the hunger games #tpi #kate writes

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jedivszombie · 4 years

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what do you love about f1?

Oooh this is a really good question, but be warned I will probably end up rambling a lot!

I’ve been watching F1 since I was like 17 days old so it’s just sort of something we’ve always done as a family - my Dad is/was a BIG Michael Schumacher fan. Like most people get brought up watching football our Thing™ has always been F1 and I don’t remember a time where we didn’t watch it or follow it. I have always loved the fast cars and it was like a really nice family activity that was really exciting to watch and be invested in.

When I got a bit older like when I was 6 or so I remember always loving like the coverage of it when it was on ITV and BBC and really loving it as much for the presenters and media side, as much watching the scarily fast cars go nyoooom. My brother and Dad are ginormous Michael Schumacher fans so it was always amazing to watch him win races and championships, but I got pretty contrarian when I was 6 and decided I preferred drivers like Rubens or Montoya. Then I started loving all of the Drama™ - because there was ALWAYS drama wherever Montoya was. And then I started watching for my other Faves, especially drivers like Jenson Button, Fernando Alonso (tragically was a massive flonso stan, long live the chaos king) and Robert Kubica (broke my damn heart when he had his accident, genuinely nearly cried on the train to school reading a metro article about it).

I sort of went off on this one because I hadn’t really thought about this much before and then suddenly I couldn’t stop. So more rambling/complex feelings about F1 under the cut if you feel like reading further.

I got to experience it at Silverstone when I was 10 and that was incredible, to experience the whole atmosphere and see the cars and be at an actual track really made me love it even more and not just because it was a thing we did. By that point I started to get more interested in more of the technical side and started to appreciate it more in that sense, rather than wow these shiny fast cars are amazing. Also I started to appreciate tracks and it’s just such an awesome spectacle - like sure sometimes it looks boring on TV but I guarantee you that in person it’s just amazing and electric to be there (excuse me, I just really want to be able to go to a race again in person and not spend a fortune to do so).

So like by the time I became a teenager I loved it for the drivers, the fast cars and the technical stuff. I also really became super interested in the politics and background drama - Bernie and Max Mosley really gave us A Lot to think about. It’s actually one of the things that got me super interested in politics and how it underlies everything we do regardless of whether we think politics affects us or not, but that’s a different conversation. So any drivers who want to be apolitical should really think again because honey not only do we live in a society but also it just isn’t as simple as all of that. By that point as well I had well and truly entered the These Men Are Hot age and that was a bonus in a sport I already loved.

I took a little break from F1 because I was doing other stuff from like 2012-2014 and also I HATED Sky Sports coverage (apart from our main man Ted Kravitz) and truly missed the BBC (feel like pure shit just want Jake Humphrey and co back) and then I went to Uni and I didn’t have access to SkyGo in first year so I only watched it when I was home. That was the year Jules had his horrible accident and I only managed to catch the Sochi race - which sucked and it was on my birthday - and it just felt really sad. But I got back into it again in like 2015 and became more invested as something for Me not just a family bonding thing, and it also gave me and Dad something to talk about. I started to properly follow developments and appreciated it a little bit more than I had before - I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder??

And now here we are today with me still having far too many faves and being more invested than ever in this ridiculous sport than before. It’s really been there for me when life’s been shit, especially the last few years, and I look forward to it every year for all the fast cars, the development, the tracks, the Drama (silly szn is forever) and all my emotional support drivers. Also it’s kind of cool to see as I’ve grown up how the sport has grown up a little bit as well and evolved in some areas - although it has so much more it can do especially with it’s current Issues on diversity and we race as one butttttt that’s a different ramble entirely.

Actually nowadays, I am also super invested in F2, FE and W Series as well so F1 has really been a sort of gateway to more motorsports.

#so sorry for the essay but truly i love F1 #and i've gone through phases with it #if you got through it all congrats because it's just a lot of unfiltered Maisie #but thank you so much for the ask I answering it if you couldn't tell #TLDR: i definitely rambled #Anonymoose #Maisie answers

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fuckyeahevanrwood · 7 years

Text

Evan Rachel Wood Says Season 2 Of Westworld Is "Twice As Crazy"

I slowly opened the door to Evan Rachel Wood’s hotel suite amidst a whirlwind Toronto International Film Festival schedule to find her decked in a fire-orange Altuzarra blazer, sequined Christian Louboutin booties, and skin as porcelain as my kitchen sink. The steady stream of editors and publicists weaving between rooms in the hall outside didn’t faze her. Her space was peaceful—tranquil, even. But that, I’d come to learn, was Evan—soft-spoken and poised with a warm air about her. We sat down to talk about her newest role in the soon-to-be-released film A Worthy Companion, where she plays Laura Drake, a confused and troubled young woman who forges a strange and ultimately unhealthy relationship with a 16-year-old girl. A role which, Evan told me, was originally written to be played by a man.

But, what, do you think I would leave before a friendly interrogation on what’s in store for season two of Westword—it’s “twice as crazy,” she says!—or a rapid-fire game (which you’ll want to watch below)? Never.

Noah Lehava: What drew you to the role of Laura Drake in A Worthy Companion?

Evan Rachel Wood: “I was blown away by [the script]. My character was originally written for a man, and they had gender-swapped it. I was really excited about that, but dreaded it, too, because I knew I had to do it. I was really not looking forward to the experience because it was going to be really intense. I loved that I had never read a script on this subject matter, which was told in this way—from a woman’s perspective, who is the predator. It really explored the psychology of abuse—not just this black-and-white, here’s the victim and here’s the monster. It delves into how [an individual] gets to that point and opens it up for a much larger discussion.”

NL: Laura is really complex; did you find it challenging to play her?

ERW: “It was difficult for me to play an abuser because it’s so unnatural for me. I was happy to know that it didn’t come naturally [laughs]. She has so much emotional baggage, and is dealing with dissociation, manic episodes, and PTSD, so she has a cocktail of mental disturbances. The script was a really honest portrayal of somebody that’s a prisoner of their own trauma. And when you don’t have the help that you need, and don’t have the means to get help after you have gone through what she’s gone through, it manifests in all of these different ways. It was interesting to show the dichotomy of a person who is doing these horrible things and abusing this young girl, but, in her mind, really thinks she’s saving her. I think she sees herself in this girl—there’s no malice in what she’s doing. She’s really just not in control of her emotions and has no gauge as to what’s normal and what’s not. There’s real tragedy in her, as well as in the young girl. It shows you how the abused can become the abuser if it’s not dealt with in the right way. It took a long time to shake; this one took a lot out of me. I got really sick after [filming] was done, and it took about a month to feel normal again. It was a real roller coaster.”

NL: How did you chill out?

ERW: “I live in Tennessee, so it was nice to get away, go to the country, and chill for a second.”

NL: We have to talk about Westworld!

ERW: “Yes!”

NL: First off, tell me, how much did you have to work on your posture?

ERW: “I have to get work done on my back all the time because sitting there like that for six hours [is straining]. This season [the directors] were actually like, ‘You can relax. It doesn’t have to be that perfect.’ But I’m the one who always insists on wearing the corset because I want to stand right.”

NL: Can you give us a hint to next season?

ERW: “We’re midseason right now, and it is twice as ambitious as the first one. Twice as crazy! I didn’t think it could get bigger or crazier, and now we’re halfway through, and I just can’t even believe what we’re doing. I’m on the show, and I’m still getting shocked and surprised at everything that they’re throwing at me. [Dolores is] a very different character this season.”

NL: Yeah, something clicked in her in the season finale. Are you scared of A.I. yourself?

ERW: “You know, no. I used to be, but the more research I did for the show and the more I learned about it and talked to futurists, the more I realized there’s a lot of hope in A.I.. They’re going to be better than us. It’s sad because it also may mean that we’re going to be obsolete—but at the same time, if they’re going to be better and if the world’s going to be better, then I’m weirdly supportive of it.”

NL: I never thought about it that way...

ERW: “It is scary, and I think we are at a real kind of... It’s a really strange time to be alive because I think technology is going to keep getting more advanced faster and faster. It’s a great time for the show to really explore that and explore the nature of human beings and what really makes us human. I feel like humans are being held back a lot, kind of like the host in Westworld. Evolution is being held back a lot, and we could be way more advanced than we are, so we’ll see. There will be much better problem-solvers, and we won’t be burdened with a lot of the shit that our minds are.”

NL: If you were a guest at Westworld, what fantasy do you think you would play out?

ERW: “At Comic Con this year, they had a Westworld installation, and they had these amazing actors come in and evaluate you, and tell you if you’re going to be a White Hat or a Black Hat. It was scarily good. They had real personality tests, and at the end, they gave you a detailed overview of your personality—it was dead on. It was so creepy, and everybody that did it felt the same way. Some people came out [of it] emotional and with tears in their eyes. And I was like, ‘Oh, what if I’m going to get a White Hat or a Black Hat,’ and it ended with her saying, ‘I think you need to choose.’ I chose the Black Hat. It just felt more honest about it because I believe that every human is a Black Hat. And that doesn’t mean I’d go and just like kill everybody and be a lunatic, but I do think it would be a bit naive to think that I would just be good the whole time. That’s just [an] honest answer [laughs].”

NL: What’s next for you?

ERW: “Well, my band Rebel and a Basketcase is actually no more, but I’m still making music. I’m doing some of my own now. It’s very different, but I’m stocked. Rebel and a Basketcase was really fun, empowering, happy music, and I think my solo stuff is going to be a little more gritty and moody, and just a different side—my Black Hat side [laughs].”

#evan rachel wood #Interviews #coveteur #interviews 2017 #westworld #a worthy companion #toronto film festival #tiff 2017 #interview

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ourneverendingpossibilities · 7 years

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Conflicted; Pairing: Kise Ryouta x Fem!reader Rating: T (for language) A/N: This is a random maid AU I’ve been thinking about recently.. Problem was, I didn’t know who to use. I wanted to write it for Kasa, but I was trying to think of how to write him without it seeming a bit... OOC? So i went with Ki-chan instead. Tagging @anniecrow because she’s obsessed with him, and i think she’d like this very much!

Heavy breathing filled the silence, two lips meeting over in a sensual dance. His fingers caressed your skin tenderly, holding you on his lap as you whispered sweet words to each other. It was hard to pull back, but somehow you managed, panting lightly against him as he dived for your neck, smoothly kissing your skin.

“K.....Kise.... Kise-sama...” you whisper, scared the other maids will overhear and catch you in this traitorous act, “I... Y..you... W...We can..can’t..”

“Shhh...” he coos, moving to cup your cheeks between his hands, holding you in place with his smile, “You know I love you... right ____-chan?’

You whimper when he pecks your mouth again, wishing he’d never stop giving you this attention... this affection.. But it was wrong.. He was married! You couldn’t afford to lose this job, and you weren’t a whore either...

At the same time, you didn’t want to lose him... lose whatever this thing was between the two of you.. So you did the only thing possible;

Move forward and kiss him as if it was the last time you’d ever get to see him.

////

The fighting hadn’t stopped since this morning.. You could feel your hands shake and tremble, scared out of your mind about your secret affair with your boss. He was the one who chose to break it off, but it seems his wife had brought over another male.

Several of the maids had stopped their work, eyes wide at the foul language being thrown between husband and wife, but a snap of fingers brought everyone’s attention to the head maid. who had eyes of steel.

“Everyone return to your duties. The house won’t clean itself.”

They all looked at each other, before silently returning to work, leaving you alone in the hallway. She saw how distraught you were, and lightly pat your head, giving a small smile.

“It’s okay ____-chan... Married couples fight all the time... You’ll see.. In a few hours, they’ll be back to being lovey dovey and head over heels in love!”

...

There was a slam of the front door, and all the maids stood there, in shock, as Kise’s wife left them behind. She had gotten into a limo with the man from earlier, and didn’t bat an eye at them.

Everyone felt so disgusted and repulsed.

You, on the other hand, retreated to your room, rubbing your stomach after feeling sick. You had one best friend, Momoi Satsuki, and she was the only one who knew about the affair between the two of you. But she seemed to support you more than Kise’s wife.

“I’ve known Ki-chan for a long time.. and honestly, he seems more happier since you’ve come to work for us ____-chan.. His wife only seems to care for his status, and doesn’t treat him right.. Honestly, I’d be happier if they split up.”

Although you had her support, it didn’t make this secret relationship any better. She’d been kind enough to get a pregnancy test for you, after learning about your one night with Kise, and the results just showed now..

You were pregnant... With Kise Ryouta’s child.

No... No... Dear god... No...

You’d burst out in tears, but it wasn’t just the news of having his kid that was the cause. You were scared.. what if the other maids found out and blamed you for the split? What if they tried to come after you? They were just as infatuated with Kise, maybe scarily more than you were, and they’d occasionally expressed how they felt about his wife.

You would definitely be accused of tearing them apart.. Of being the reason he was unhappy in his marriage..

It only got worse when said man came walking in, hand grasping yours and stared at the stick with attentive hues. You didn’t dare meet his gaze, eyes snapping shut in utter embarrassment..

The bed sank as he sat next to you, and before you know it, you were in his arms, face buried in his neck as you continued crying.

What could you say to him?

Your mind was going in circles, a chaotic mess of feelings because although you felt guilty, you were also happy he wasn’t with his wife.. He wasn’t being abused by her anymore.. He was able to be happy, and smile brightly, and interact with his staff like before without having to worry about a high-maintenance woman accusing him of cheating..

“I’m sorry... I’m sorry... I’m sorry...” you rambled, body quivering and you weren’t entirely sure what you were apologizing for.. Was it breaking them up? Was it getting pregnant with his child..?

“I... I ran out of my birth control the night we were together... I didn’t have condoms for you to wear... I made you sleep with me despite knowing you were already married.. Everything’s my fau-”

You were silenced by his warm lips, and although you couldn’t stop crying, you pressed closer, holding onto his beautiful locks of gold. The kiss was deep, but too short for your liking, yet it managed to send a message...

“Calm down ____-chan...”

He smiled, reaching over to grab a tissue, giving it to you as he rubbed your back, pecking your forehead.

“It’s not your fault. I didn’t kick her out soon enough. I didn’t wear protection or even buy any. I chose to sleep with you while being married to someone else..”

He sighed then, cupping your cheek, “I confused and hurt you at the same time... I drove my wife to leave, and I wasn’t faithful to her... But regardless of that... I don’t feel guilty for watching her leave... I DO feel guilty for hurting you like this...”

He lightly kissed your cheek, holding you closer to his chest.

“I’m really sorry ____-chan...”

You shook your head, feeling dizzy from all the emotions and lack of food in your stomach.

“N..No... It’s not... Kise-sama...”

“Don’t...” he growled, golden hues hardening, “Don’t.” He pulled you into a bruising kiss, ignoring the whimpers from your lips, wanting to be as close with you as possible. He needed to get it through to you.. Wanted you to understand that he was just as liable as you were.. There was no need for you to take all the blame.

He pulled back, licking his lips as you slowly opened your eyes, staring at him with a look of wonder and awe.. He smiled, lightly pecking your mouth, before holding you to his chest.

“We’ll get through this ____-chan... And I want you to keep our baby... I want you to have this child...” he rubbed your back, sending you a tender smile, “Don’t worry about anything else... Don’t you know how much I love you?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat, staring at him in completely amazement.. He wasn’t angry....?

“K...Kise-sam..”

“Ryouta....” he whispers, lightly biting your ear, “Call me ‘Ryouta-sama’, ____-sama...”

You shivered, but felt your lips curl into a soft smile, pecking his cheek in response.

“.... Ryouta-sama...” you pulled back, cupping his cheeks and smiled brightly, “i love you too...”

He gave you a blinding smile, before swooping in for another loving kiss, and this time... You didn’t feel an ounce of conflict. You were completely and utterly in love with him..

And now he was all yours.

#knb imagines #knb scenarios #kise ryouta #maid AU #fem!reader #fluff #angst #anniecrow #knb

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filmista · 7 years

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Big Little Lies

“I read a quote once that said...friendships are the masterpieces of nature.”

I normally don’t review shows, but I enjoyed this so much and it touched me in a way that demanded that I speak about it, It doesn’t often happen that as a woman I’m touched by a show almost solely about women (and in this case what’s classically seen as their “ female issues”, in fact, I don’t think there has been a show like that ever), because as I’m sure someone somewhere in the golden state might have said: “Who would want to see that boring shit?”

Because every so often I end up finding the characters too shallow but now that it did happen, I had to talk about it. I figure there’s a first time for everything, so here it goes, these are my thoughts on Big Little Lies: (please be kind, since I’ve just lost my tv show reviewing virginity) ;)

Big Little Lies’s trailer doesn’t do it justice: it’s visually pleasing, tempting snippets, set to a pleasant beat, it looks stunning, but does it makes sense? For me, it didn’t really give me much of an idea of what the show is about.

Still, after I had heard good things about the show, I wanted to watch it. The first episode disappointed me a little bit initially, it looked simply like a spin on Desperate Housewives, but with murder. Women and their perhaps potentially lethal catfights and backstabbing, someone in the show even goes as far as to say: “I believe women are chemically incapable of forgiveness” and it is often said that women remember everything, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned right?…

But by the end of the show I was glad to see that it had gone beyond that and didn’t limit itself to dishy catfights over hot, muscular men and mommy wars, at the end of that first episode we see the three main women bond and you see a strong friendship form, but I was distrustful, beautiful female friendship doesn’t last long in tv land does it?

Surely a big crisis and meltdown of their friendship would come and nasty catfights would follow, fortunately, this does not arrive and the friendship becomes even tighter.

I found it incredibly satisfying to see three so different women, accept their differences, there’s not even an argument made about how different they are, they bond, get to know each other, they offer each other unwavering emotional support.

There are fun times to be had Our trio: part time working mom Madeline (Reese Witherspoon), stay at home mom Celeste (Nicole Kidman) and single mom Jane (Shailene Woodley) goes out for cosy cups of coffee in trendy beach bars, but they are also there in more difficult and trying times, It’s simply unconditional love between women and I honestly freaking adored it! Because you don’t very often get to see it, It’s rare that a show has as It’s driving force three women; their friendship and their individual lives, how they perceive themselves and how the world around them perceives them.

There have been shows that have female friendships in them, but they are rarely It’s driving force. It’s also quite rare to see a show with such well written female characters, all initially respond to a type, to a cliche, they are all classified as a certain kind of woman.

Yet while they may to some degree respond to these stereotypes, they accept that they do, but we also get to know each woman as more than a stereotype, they become fully realised persons, each has conflicts, things from their past that come back to haunt them and that have shaped them as a person.

Maybe one of the reasons that some people have the dismissed the show, is that it is perhaps a bit too stylish for its own good: it is filled with beautiful sceneries, shots that are hyper aware of their own attractiveness, we’ve got architectural porn: beach houses with their beautiful terrace roofs and the ever so beautiful ocean views that come with them, and then the ever so hot, rich white people (all Hollywood A-listers, which admittedly is kind of what initially drew me in, I’m not above being lured in sometimes)

And It’s all set to a soundtrack with immaculately good music, it simply seemed a little too good to be true, usually, when I see a film filled with Hollywood’s most wanted, I become wary surely something should be up, maybe it has a despicable script? But in this case, I’m glad that I set my previous prejudice aside and gave it a chance.

Shows and movies about rich people and their perfect world, that’s seemingly only designed to make you jealous aren’t usually my thing. But Big Little Lies embraces this cliche in a very interesting way: It says look at all the pretty houses and their pretty people, don’t you want to live in one of those houses?

But then it shows us what’s going on with the people in the houses and one thing becomes painfully clear, if you’re miserable, if you’re an asshole, then a pretty house is not going to cure you're being miserable or of you’re having a shitty character.

But returning to what I had previously said, while I was initially a bit dissatisfied with the first episode, I stayed and became hooked because of the promise of a budding friendship between these women and the fact that all of them seemed to be written so well and I simply wanted more of it.

You discover the character of each and the dynamics of their at home situation in the very first episode, they are almost immediately well rounded and shaped, by the end of the first and second episode, you feel like you know each of them.

Big Little Lies has an extensive female cast and all of them extensively collaborated on it as well, which was for some people a red flag, signalling that It’s only a show about women and their “lady issues”.

All these women, are women that exist, and their problems aren’t discussed in ways that are glossed over, it brings them in entertaining, fascinating also scary ways, they offer a scarily realistic, sometimes shocking of the sometimes harrowing reality that being female entails.

The show is not so much a murder mystery, yes the ultimate goal of the show was revealing who got killed, but It’s really merely an excuse to explore It’s character’s interpersonal relationships, the relationships of the women, between them, their family and ultimately some types of relationships between women and men, and the dynamics between the two in a relationship, in some cases healthy, in some cases downright toxic.

The men in the show are mostly cliches, but they are all incredibly well acted, and that’s what gives depth. We have the asshole who abuses his wife, we have the guy who is permanently chill next to his stressed out career driven wife, then we have the husband who is simply a nice guy to his wife, always there for her, yet while he is a genuinely nice guy, there is also some bottled up anger, he doesn’t feel appreciated enough at all times, he feels as though his wife takes him for granted.

So they all do respond to cliches, but the show wasn’t out to demonise them, some people could interpret the show as too overly feminist, as something that immediately makes men the bad guy, but that’s not entirely true in my view, while it is openly feminist, it does it from a very positive angle it merely wants to illustrate some of the issues women deal with, and it shows them in depth.

But the female characters are not victims in a way, we are not supposed to pity them or find them miserable, and while we can admire their strength, It also doesn’t feel like It’s saying look at these badass, strong women!

They are brought to us as multisided human beings, that you can feel for, relate. Their real strength and the strength of the show is their bond, their union, the fact that they protect each other, it shows that the world is easier for women when they are not pitting against each other, but rather helping each other navigate stormy waters.

Instead of wishing the other would fall into the water or push each other into the water and help each other take down personal demons, which in this case results in one of the most beautiful, riveting and most satisfying, and downright wild tv finales ever, let’s just say that a misogynistic asshole gets taken down by a group of angry ladies, (the always cool Zoë Kravitz) has something to do with it as well and it’s pure poetic justice and It’s fuckin’ beautiful!

The show’s strength lies in It’s writing and It’s acting, while the writing in some episodes seems a bit weaker, it always results in an enjoyable episode, due to the strong acting. Each actress and actor is allowed to demonstrate their chops to the full range, all the actors and actresses are usually not actors that do tv work (but they’ve all beautifully adapted to it), and the director of the show (Jean-Marc Vallée) usually directs films, not tv series, and that to some degree shows, the show has a highly cinematic quality, and aesthetically It’s as beautiful as some of Vallées films.

The acting unlike in some tv series does not seem overly scripted and staged, maybe to some extent because most of the actors in the show usually stick to film, they all take their roles seriously and give it their best, and the result is some of the best performances out of their career for the actors.

Reese Witherspoon plays what she has played before, a woman who defends everything she believes in, a woman with a big, foul mouthing mouth (I will never forget the wonderful: “I’m a lady and I’ve never said this to anybody in my life, but I’m gonna say it to you, you can go fuck yourself on the head”) seen by some because of her never bow down attitude as a controlling, backstabbing bitch.

Reese Witherspoon has played the woman who never gives up on anything before but who is also extremely sensitive and vulnerable, but here she is given such witty, emotional and sometimes dialogue that’s so sharp it could cut, that she just once again could give a fine showcasing of her talent and reminded me of why she is one of my favourite actresses.

A performance that has been dismissed, I think undeservedly so is Shailene Woodley’s as Jane Chapman, Jane is the single mum with a haunted past that arrives at the town, is quickly singled out as different and becomes the target of a witch hunt. As we discover Jane suffers from PTSD, she was raped and her son is the result of that sexual assault, her character goes jogging by the ocean, always with her headphones on, by means of therapy, it seems, during these sequences we get to see flashes of her past.

That kind of filming technique and a character running off frustration and pain is nothing new, but Shailene Woodley has an understated calmness and elegance here, that conflicts with the stormy battles she is fighting within herself, and Woodley conveys it all to us with an admirable naturalness and transparency, one look suffices to let us in on how she’s feeling.

I think she handled the role of the single young mum beautifully, she showed real love for her son and tries her hardest to give him a good life, all the more admirable when considered that her son was the result of a sexual assault. It’s a difficult role no doubt about it.

And some people claim that Woodley is still too young and inexperienced an actress to handle it, I found it refreshing to see her as something other than a teen with cancer or battling in dystopian worlds and I think she handled it with ease and grace.

And the greatest thing about her character for me was that she ends up in a way being the one that unites the women, at the beginning of the show Jane goes jogging alone after she has confided to one of the women what happened in her past, we no longer see her go jogging alone.

She now goes with her friends, who run off their own frustrations and who offer their own silent support, not a word is spoken and it is not necessary, simply being there is sometimes the greatest sign of friendship.

Nicole Kidman is also a force to be reckoned with here, I hadn’t seen her do much lately that impressed me that much, but this was truly a pleasant reminder of her talent. She has perhaps the most emotionally draining role, playing the victim of domestic abuse.

But she handles it with her trademark calmness, elegance and subtlety, Kidman is the sort of actress whose performances if you don’t watch her carefully, might seem like she’s not acting at all because she’s barely moving.

However, if you watch carefully she speaks incredibly loudly and clearly, just through her body, she does it here again and the result is simply magnetic, as she perfectly captures what must be going through her character’s mind.

Kidman and Skarsgard (who plays her pig of a husband), have a downright scary and harrowing chemistry, the scenes in which she suffers physical violence at his hands and in which she fights back, have an intensity and volatility to them that make you at the same time want to look away because it makes you sick and downright angry.

But Kidman and Skarsgard (who’s downright scary) are so disturbingly good together, that you look anyway. There are scenes here that verge into the not often explored area of marital rape, Celeste appears to be consenting, she doesn’t say no at least not with her voice, but seemingly only because she can’t recognise to herself that if she said no, her husband would not listen.

So in her mind no resistance and letting it happen is easiest, these sequences are filmed in an almost horror like way, they’re meant to unsettle, show the suffering of Celeste, in no way are they meant to be sexy or enticing, and frankly I think that anyone that thinks they are is a bit of a troubled individual…

There are other good performances, especially the child actors do an amazing job, but the three leading ladies are the ones that impressed me the most. I finished Big Little Lies in literally 2 days, which is a record for me even with miniseries, but I was hooked on this.

It’s got everything you could possibly want in a show: Excellent writing, beautiful camera work (the colours and the lighting in this, are the wet dream of anyone that loves to take screenshots), strong performances, smart sound design, a fantastic soundtrack and well-rounded female characters, Big Little Lies will perhaps become to tv what Thelma and Louise is to film and that’s a wonderful thing to see, if one thing I hope that it sparks many more shows that don’t have women stabbing each other in the back, but as friends.

It shows something that I and a lot of other women probably already knew: women can and should help and stand up for other women when they are suffering injustice or unfairness, (heck every human being should) and if they’re not, then there’s no reason they should make each other’s lives more difficult. My ultimate verdict: A 21st-century feminist masterpiece that keeps women and men alike on the edge of their seat!

My favorite character, even though, It’s not a fan favorite is probably Shailene Woodley’s Jane. She offers such an understated and quietly moving performance. I wanted to include this article because I agree so much: http://www.esquire.com/lifestyle/news/a54268/shailene-woodley-big-little-lies/

“It’s like I’m on the outside looking in. Or, like, I see this life and this moment and it’s so wonderful, but it doesn’t quite belong to me.”

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mrmichaelchadler · 5 years

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Odie Henderson's Top Ten Films of 2018

So many movies spoke to me in 2018, so much so that I had a harder time narrowing this list down than in prior years. For example, the margin between the top five films on this list is razor-thin. The distance is even closer between the top two movies, which flip-flopped right up until the time I wrote this sentence. And there are honorable mentions to the underrated “Widows,” the terrifying “Custody” and the memorable documentaries “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” and “Hale County This Morning, This Evening.”

10. "I Am Not a Witch"

Good satire is hard to come by. Writer/director Rungano Nyoni has made a great satire with a vicious bite and a deliciously pointed gaze at all its targets. Aided by a scarily good Maggie Mulubwa, a young actress whose use of silence is wise beyond her years, Nyoni takes on every type of exploiter, from the patriarchy to the folks who come to Africa looking for weirdness and not realizing that they’re being trolled by those who they deem inferior. The film never tips its hand, and as the story gets wilder and funnier, its emotions become more devastating.

9. "Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse"

Just go see this. I want you to walk into this one blind. This is a gorgeously animated feature and the voice talent is first-rate. The story is pure comic-book joy, reminding us that in that world anything can happen and realities are constantly being twisted, rejiggered and combined. Seeing Miles Morales onscreen made me giddy, but he’s not alone. Any movie that not only gives me a Spidey who looks like me but also one voiced by a full-on film noir Nicolas Cage knows my sweet spots. And my goodness, this is SO MUCH FUN. Just go.

8. "Leave No Trace"

Here I’m reminded of Roger Ebert’s oft-cited quote about movies being an empathy machine. I had no idea about these characters and their environment. But by the final frames of director Debra Granik’s film, I had not only learned about these people, I was with them in spirit, shedding tears for them and hoping they’d get by. There’s no way in Hell the excellent Thomasin Harcourt McKenzie is a supporting character, as the awards machine keeps saying. She’s stitched so tightly into this film’s fabric that it couldn’t exist without her character. She’s not only our stand-in, the story hinges upon the changes her journey creates. Ben Foster offers memorable support as her dad. I am glad I saw “Leave No Trace.”

7. "Roma"

Director Alfonso Cuaron takes over from his usual cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki and the result is his most personal and best work. His framing is practically another character in the film, and his use of black and white conveys both a dreamlike state and a harsh realism. This story of people from two different classes is refreshingly female-oriented. The leisurely pace only adds to its magic; it puts us onto the film’s rhythms and we fall into them accordingly. As Cleo, Yalitza Aparicio is a revelation, with one of the best performances of the year. “Roma” is a memory play whose Mexican-set story feels like an antidote to today’s demonization of that country.

6. "Paddington 2"

The bear is very furry. And his movie is very, very good. This sequel finds Paddington Bear in great spirits and gainful employment. That is, until he becomes embroiled in a Hitchcockian tale of the man—or rather bear—wrongly accused. Paddington’s jail time is shared by Brendan Gleeson and made possible by an evil has-been actor played by that sly charmer, Hugh Grant. Director Paul King, his F/X people and Ben Whishaw’s voice-work bring Paddington to life wonderfully, but the actors who surround him are equally important in casting this film’s lovely spell. Grant in particular is positively shameless and absolutely fabulous, a villain for all awards seasons.

5. "Amazing Grace"

This Sydney Pollack-helmed concert recording sat in Warner Bros. vault for decades before being shepherded into a finished product by a tireless Alan Elliott. And what a product it is: One of the greatest music documentaries ever made, starring a young, radiant, resplendent and transcendent Aretha Franklin returning to her gospel roots to make a joyful noise unto the Lord. The resulting album was the biggest gospel release of all time. But listening to it is nothing like seeing it performed live, complete with choir and appearances by the Holy Ghost. It only took 46 years to see Re in all her glory, but it was definitely worth the wait.

4. "Black Panther"

WAKANDA FOREVER!! Pick any aspect of this Marvel marvel and you’ll find excellence. Whether it’s Ruth E. Carter’s dynamic costumes, the eye-popping cinematography by Rachel Morrison, the rousing score by Ludwig Göransson featuring Kendrick Lamar, or the unapologetically Afrocentric world building inherent in the Ryan Coogler Universe, you can’t go wrong here. You’ll cheer for the protagonists led by Chadwick Boseman’s T’Challa, his tech-savvy sister Shuri (Letitia Wright) and the Dora Milaje. You’ll hiss at the complicated villain Killmonger, played in spectacular fashion by Coogler’s Robert DeNiro, Michael B. Jordan. And if you’re a brown kid holding out for a hero, you’ll beam with a pride that’ll burn brighter than a thousand suns.

3. "BlacKkKlansman"

Spike Lee’s angry, funny, funky and explosive retelling of the life of Ron Stallworth takes a sledgehammer to D.W. Griffith’s “The Birth of a Nation” and the racist beliefs it celebrated, beliefs that unfortunately still exist today. Stallworth’s infiltration of the Ku Klux Klan is milked for its comic potential, but underneath it all is a fascinating interrogation of identity and the repercussions that arise when that identity is marginalized. While John David Washington’s Stallworth gets the laughs with phone calls to a clueless David Duke (Topher Grace), it’s Adam Driver’s Flip Zimmerman who earns most of the film’s introspection. The powerful real-life coda is Lee at his most brilliantly political, challenging those who’d disavow the crazier aspects of his story by showing just how scary and accurate they actually are.

2. "If Beale Street Could Talk"

Barry Jenkins’ beautiful and haunting adaptation of James Baldwin’s 1974 book captures the author’s voice and spirit while simultaneously evoking its director’s trademarks and influences. Jenkins has several arrows in his quiver—the brilliant actress known as Regina King, James Laxton’s tactile cinematography, Nicholas Brittell’s delicate music—each of which hit the intended bullseye. KiKi Layne and Stephan James are superb as the couple who anchor this Harlem-set romance, tenaciously holding on to their relationship while injustice threatens to tear it apart. Jenkins maintains Baldwin’s matter-of-fact storytelling, which makes the characters’ joys all the more rapturous and their tragedy that much more shattering.

1. "Blindspotting"

This fearless exploration of the complex, messy, and complicated qualities of interracial friendship should be garnering all the attention currently reserved for the simplistic and insulting “Green Book.” Screenwriters and co-leads Daveed Diggs and Rafael Casal have a lot to say about rapid gentrification, racial stereotypes, police brutality and the type of friendly alliances that are as potentially dangerous as they are life-saving. The two leads are fantastic, and director Carlos López Estrada successfully navigates tonal shifts with a visceral, reckless abandon. It ends with a powerful monologue by Diggs that’s the most daring thing I saw in 2018.

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