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pascaloverx · 7 days

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To Begin Again

ONE

Summary: You're a new teacher at a large and influential school. It's a risky step for you, as you've been running from your ex for almost two years. But when Dumbledore asks you to take on a class at the renowned Hogwarts, you can't refuse. However, your life as a newly arrived teacher won't be easy. Especially when the other teachers don't seem eager to make friends. Or rather, two teachers in particular: Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.

Author's Note: Welcome, dear readers. Please leave your comments if you enjoy fanfiction. This fanfic takes place almost in the real world (with the addition of werewolves) and is not a wizarding fanfic. There will be some differences and changes in things from the Harry Potter story or other fanfics in the HP universe, but I promise to do my best writing this fanfic. There will be a love triangle coming in this fanfic.

To flee is easier than to face your problems, than to confront the demons you left behind long ago. And your life has become an eternal escape. Not only moving from place to place, teaching from school to school, you were living a temporary life each time. Until one day, a letter arrived, yes, a letter for you from London. It said that you were invited to teach temporarily at Hogwarts Academy. Dumbledore needed you. He was a great friend of your father. They even taught at the same time, but when you were born, your father and mother decided to move to the United States for some undisclosed reason. But Dumbledore's letter comes to you as a good excuse to cover your tracks. Restart.

"What a piece of crap. My cell phone is out of battery and I'm lost in the middle of nowhere." You mumble to yourself. No one is listening anyway. A beautiful full moon night is in front of you, lighting your way. Hogwarts, despite being influential, seems to be located in the middle of nowhere. You jump back when you hear a loud howl. Are there wolves near a school? Isn't that dangerous?

You look at your phone wishing there was some battery left so you could call someone. Noticing that it might be dangerous, you walk towards what you think might be the path. One step hurriedly each time. But the howls get closer and closer. Until you see a sign saying that Hogwarts is nearby. But as soon as you look ahead you see a dog. I mean, something similar to a dog but bigger. Or will it be a very hairy man?

"Leave or I'll throw my suitcase at you. Whatever you are." You say threatening the furry creature with your suitcase. The creature seems to stare at you, but not understand you. At that moment you laugh at your foolishness. Now who in their right mind would try to reason with a creature that doesn't seem to reason?

"Listen, I don't want to hurt you. I'm against animal abuse and I've participated in campaigns to rescue many from the streets. But if you come any closer, I won't have any other choice." You speak and while the canine creature or something looks like it's ready to attack you. When the creature gets a little closer, you throw your suitcase at it. With all the strength and aim possible. And then you run. Run as fast as possible, hitting some trees along the way but maintaining your speed. You hear the creature's grunts of pain. Then everything is silent, you rest a little. Your legs hurt, your arms are sore and bruised. And then you hear a long howl that alerts you that the creature is coming. And then you run again, as fast as you can.

"I can't believe I'm going to die here, like this." You mumble as you run. You're so distracted that you don't notice a stranger in front of you. Until you bump into him. Making you both fall.

"Fuck. Don't you watch where you're going?" The stranger speaks in a rude tone and you look at him in confusion.Isn't he noticing that you're running from death? Or is he not hearing the furry creature's noises?

"Shut up and follow me." You say, holding the stranger's hand and asking him to follow you. Why you helped him, you don't know. But you wouldn't be able to sleep with guilty conscience if he died. Strangely, he follows you a little further into the forest. But who designed a school that has a forest with ferocious animals on the loose?

"Come here." The stranger pulls you close to a hiding place. Hideout that actually seems designed for this type of situation. It's a small hut covered in bushes. You think about saying something but the stranger covers your mouth and points outside. Your eyes follow the stranger's fingers and you observe the creature outside. From a distance this creature looks like something from another world, from a fantasy world. A werewolf better said. The creature sniffs for a while and then disappears into the forest.

"You saw that?" You ask the stranger who is currently adjusting his somewhat long, silky, and slightly wavy hair. Sweat is dripping down his forehead, but he seems fine. I mean, he's attractive. I mean, what the hell are you thinking?

"I did see it, still got the ability to see after some lunatic knocked me down out of nowhere. And you're welcome, by the way." The man says as he rummages through a closet. You look at him indignantly. What do you mean you should be grateful to him?

"Sorry to wake you up from that illusion you're in, but it's you who should be thanking me. That creature was about to attack both of us, and I pulled you to come with me. So, Prince Charming, get off your imaginary horse and thank me yourself." You respond proudly, starting to feel the pain of the bruises you accumulated along the way.

"If that's how you feel, would you prefer to go out into the forest right now and try your luck?" The man says mockingly, and you glare at him angrily. What an idiot.

"Look, I'm new around here, and I don't want to sound presumptuous, but you seem like a jerk. But unlike you, I'm going to appreciate your help. Thank you for helping me escape from the big hairy creature out there. Satisfied?" You say, swallowing your pride, and then you extend your hand to the stranger. He gives a smirk, almost charming. What a jerk.

"Very satisfied. But now that we're here, would you mind telling me your name? I find it strange to spend the night with someone whose name I don't even know." The man says, sitting on the wooden chair next to you. You, who are sitting in an armchair, look at him, feeling strange about the idea of spending the night together.

"My name is Y/N. And yours?" You speak to avoid seeming rude, but the truth is, you want to know the reason why you'll have to spend the night together.

"Sirius. Sirius Black." He pauses before continuing, "And before you wonder, we have to spend the night here because it's still out there. But don't worry, as soon as dawn breaks, I'll take you to Hogwarts." Sirius speaks, squeezing your hand firmly. You shake hands, and he looks at you as if trying to unravel all your secrets.

"How do you know I want to go to Hogwarts?" You ask, and he smiles as if he finds it amusing.

"Let's just say I have a good sixth sense. Now, I suggest you rest. Tomorrow will be quite a day for you." Sirius says, handing you a pillow and a blanket. You thank him softly as you watch him grab another pillow and lie down on the floor. It looks uncomfortable, but you're too tired to be polite and offer to sleep on the floor instead.

"Hey, Sirius. Thank you so much for today. I might not be alive without you." You say sweetly and sleepily as you settle into the armchair. Sirius lifts his head and looks in your direction. Wow, he's handsome.

"I echo your words. The only difference is that I'd be alive with or without you. But I'm grateful for the company. It tends to be pretty boring around here." Sirius replies before turning over to sleep. You try not to dwell too much on what he said and then let sleep finally take hold of you. When morning comes, Sirius seems a bit more grumpy than before. You deduce that he might not be a morning person. You both leave the cabin early and walk for a while towards Hogwarts. The journey feels almost endless, but when you finally arrive, you're dazzled. The beauty of the architecture almost makes it worth almost dying to get in here.

"Well, princess, you're delivered. I won't be able to come in with you because I need to go check on something, but I'm sure we'll see each other again soon. Until then, take care. I won't always be here to save you." Sirius says, kissing the palm of your hand before leaving without giving you a chance to respond. You find him presumptuous but decide to move on.

Walking through the corridors of Hogwarts, you observe children playing from side to side. A boy with glasses and dark hair is hitting another boy with white hair on the ground, which startles you. You immediately run towards them. As you approach, you manage to separate the two, pulling the dark-haired one off the light-haired one. They both seem a bit bruised, and as you separate them, you realize that the effort has caused you significant pain in your back.

"You shouldn't be fighting. At least I think so." You say with some difficulty as you feel the pain growing. It's strange that despite the dark-haired one being the aggressor, he seems to take you more seriously. Meanwhile, the light-haired one is smiling mockingly with his arms crossed.

"And who are you to say anything?" Asks the child, around eleven or twelve years old, with a bruised face but intact hair. He's the one with the light hair.

"You must be thick, Malfoy, if you didn't notice that she must be our new teacher. Or maybe I hit you too hard." The dark-haired boy responds, already angry again. He seems both fearless and temperamental.

"Stop. Both of you! I don't want to hear insults or nonsense in my presence. You, with the white hair, I am your new teacher, so I suggest you change your tone when speaking. And you, with the dark hair, violence is not a solution to anything, not even insolence. Both of you, go far away from each other and think about how to be better." You speak calmly but very seriously. Despite their reluctance, both boys stop fighting and move on.

You feel the pain in your back get worse and walk to the first place you see an adult. Until you find a room, which seems almost abandoned. There is no one inside. You observe the room that has some old books scattered around and appears to be someone's room.

"Can I help you?" A male voice speaks from behind you. You turn around nervously thinking it's rude to enter someone else's room.

"I need help..." You were going to say more, but you were startled when you noticed a mark on the face of the man in front of you. You figured he must be in pain.

"There's no need to be afraid. I got involved in a mess last night and was a little injured." The man says getting closer and you feel like you're being rude.

"I'm sorry, I imagine it hurts. I'm sorry for my rudeness." You say, getting a little closer and looking deep into the man's eyes. Eyes you felt you've seen before.

"No need to apologize. It really hurts. My name is Remus and this is my room." Remus speaks as you watch him and before you can say anything, you simply pass out.

To be continued...

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alexander-arcturus-black-lupin · 8 months

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Draco finally knows

He knew something was wrong the minute he saw Harry, something was off about him. Weasley and Granger had no clue as they were bickering over something. He cast a slight charm and had Harry's head turn slightly. He nodded to the staircase and Harry got up and went there. Once he reached there he grabbed his hand and he took him to the Gryffindor common room.

"Draco, I'm not- I can't," Draco stopped him.

"I didn't bring you here to snog you Harry as much as I want to," He closed the door to theroom and cast a silencing charm. "Is this where you lot sleep, like a bunch of-” Harry shot him a look. “Well mannered people, er- remove your shirt let me see,"

"How did you-"

"I know the signs," Draco wanted to say that he had been in this position before. Except he hid it so well no one knew to ask, plus there were no visible marks. But Harry already knew

“Draco,” Harry said softly.

“Harry, shirt.” Harry sighed and took off his robes. Then his shirt. Draco didn’t even need to ask him to turn; he could see the beginnings on his shoulders and a couple marks on his arms. They were still angry red. “Harry…who did this to you,”

Harry chuckled, taking a seat on the bed. “The muggles I live with,”

“But they’re your mother’s- her sister, her brother in law, ho-”

“When did they start hitting you,” Draco asks, although he was still trying to wrap his head on what Harry had just said.

“Draco, they hated my mother, they loathed my father, I can safely say, Snape loved my dad comparedto them. ” Harry said as he fiddled with his fingers.”They only took me in out of obligation, they never really loved me, because my mother was a witch and my father a wizard. In Fact they make sure to tell me everyday, in every language.” His fingers shook as he spoke.

“They never used to hit me, just scream, yell, neglect me, either only make me eat breakfast cause i made it and then not eat again for the rest of the day or make me do work around the house, no actually it was both, be my cousin’s punching bag, his outlet.’

“When they found out I couldn’t use magic outside of Hogwarts, they got so angry I didn’t tell them, they didn't start right away no, but it wqs subtle like planting a seed. Setting off a chain of events,” Harry hestrued to his back, “Which led to this, my uncle snapped and my aunt just followed along.”

“Harry…” Draco stood behind him as he started casting healing charms all round. “Why don’t you tell someone you know the Minister of Freaking Magic for Merlin’s sake, he’ll hex them himself if you asked.”

“Dumbledore said I had to stay with them because of the magic that was keeping me safe,” Draco whipped his wand and a tiny bottle came flying out of his trunk.

“Harry, I say this without my usual voice of sarcasm, screw Dumbledore, screw your relatives,” Harry hissed as Draco’s wand grazed a rather recent wound. “At least now I know who to add to my hitlist.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry needed to apologise, he had to apologise.

“Harry don’t apologise you did nothing wrong, it’s your family that needs to apologise and then be thrown in Azkaban” Harry chuckled but he knew Draco was being serious.

“Then for behaving the way I did towards you, you’re friends.” Draco fell silent.

“Draco,”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry,”

Draco again fell silent again, wrapping Harry’s back. “What ever on earth are you possibly sorry for?”

“For not taking your hand that day,” that day.

~When his father and mother had taken him to go get fitted for new robes. His father had left him to go buy books and his mother dropped him off in the shop to get new robes. His mother started to look at wands in a nearby shop. He noticed a giant in the seat outside, he wanted to make a snide comment about how nothing in this shop might fit him when he heard chatter behind him.

“Hogwarts dear, got the lot here- another young man being fitted up just now, in fact.'' Then he suddenly met the eye of a green eyed black haired boy, his eyes were very pretty. For some reason his mouth flew open and he knew the moment he’d opened his mouth to talked about the gameskeeper he’d screwed up royally.

“Sorry about insulting Hagrid, I was a little stuck up back then,” Harry snorted.

“You still are but I like this stuck up, he’s a fancy kisser,” Draco rolled his eyes and shocked Harry with his wand.

“I’m sincerely apologising, Harry,” Harry reached behind him and pulled Draco’s hand in front of him.

“I’m sorry for not taking your apology seriously, thank you Draco,” He brought Draco’s hand to his lips. “Thank you,”

“I’m still gonna buy you a flat though, maybe in hogsmead cause its closer to school and you can't apparate properly,” Confusion painted Harry's face.

“Erm? What?”

“If you think you are leaving this school with the notion you’re going back, you are mistaken.” Harry just smiled.

“Wizarding laws-”

“Draco, was it, was it an unforgivable curse?” Harry noticed Draco's hands had stiffened in his. He reached over and pulled him closer hugging him.

“Don’t matter,”

"Dumbledore-"

"Can suck my dick although I prefer your pretty little lips, he's not my type too ancient," Harry turned red and hit Draco's shoulder, Draco pretending, winced. "Is thar how you are, hiting your lovers, the great Harry Potter is a domestic abuser," Draco rolled him eye. "Fame, the thing's it does to you,"

The room slowly fell into a comfortable silence

“I’m sorry,”

“It wasn’t your fault,”

“I hate your father,”

“That makes both of us,” Draco chuckled and held him back. “This term is rather short, once we board the train and I’m hoping I get you all to myself,” Draco sounded like he was joking but Harry knew better.

“You’re dad hates me Draco, He was a Death Eater, Plus he’s gonna notice you buying a house”

“Harry, I can buy a random house somewhere, without the consent of my parents, I’m a bloody Malfoy, he with his thinking is gonna suspect that I’m pissed about something, or worse I was bitten by a werewolf” Harry chuckled Draco making him roll his eyes.

“Just say you wanna move in with me Harry, please, I wanna live with my boyfriend” Harry blushed at boyfriend.

“Okay,”

“I swear I’ll even get Dobby to- what?” Draco doubled over. “I thought i’d have to do a whole Sonnet,”

“A what?”

“Ironic how I know more about Muggle literature than you,” Draco said, rolling his eyes. Harry sensing a lecture due to hanging out with Hermione for so long, leaned in and kiss him. "Don't worry we'll fix that,"

“Thank you,”

“For you, anytime,” Draco reached over and kissed him. "Anytime,"

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nikholascrow · 4 months

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I was watching the half blood prince and the marauders hyperfixation hit a little too hard. just finished a 20 minute rant about the physical and psychological torture Bellatrix and the rest of the Black family most likely experienced to push them to the point of insanity Bella presents in the books and movies.

Draco and Blacks were essentially Raised in a cult, or very toxic religion (the death eaters who view voldemort as the lord or maybe even savior) because they were raised by generations of blood purists. Bella Draco and Narcissa and Sirius all have different experiences with their escape or lack thereof. Bella played the game, she embraced it and it consumed her. Narcissa played the game but never fully committed because she wanted out. Draco was forced into it by his father and it consumed him, until he was saved by Harry and Narcissa. Sirius escaped via the Potters and healed from it (partially). I also think it’s interesting how Narcissa attempted to end the generational trauma but failed and in the end Draco was the real end to the Black family trauma. (Sirius was too but he didn’t have kids and also he died so that’s less interesting)

Also Draco gets entirely too much hate (at least from the people i know in person because i really only discuss Marauders era stuff online and not Harry Potter stuff) and people seem to forget he was 16 when he was admitted into the death eaters. He made terrible choices and did bad things but he was a child who was literally raised to do so. He didn’t really have a choice, and even though he had very little control over his own life he still didn’t kill dumbledore and he wasn’t going to which was confirmed in a conversation between Harmonie and Harry which goes roughly as follows

“do you think he would have done it?”

“no, he was lowering his wand. In the end it was Snape. It was always Snape.”

And keep in mind that’s not just wishful thinking Harry hated Draco at the time he would not have defended him.

#can you tell my special interest is psychology?#and also have a history with emotional abuse toxic religion and generational trauma?#Regulus also has a very interesting escape from the death eaters but that gets talked about a lot #marauders #dead gay wizards #narcissa malfoy #narcissa black #bellatrix lestrange #bellatrix black #sirius black #black family #draco malfoy #harry potter marauders #harry potter movies #harry potter #the half blood prince #fuck jkr

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aletterinthenameofsanity · 1 year

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when we are loved we are afraid (we were never meant to survive) (Room of Requirement as sanctuary)

The effects of trauma are tricky to navigate. Relationships fall apart, old beliefs are turned over, secrets are shoved deep behind lips, habits are formed, silences are developed.

The thing is: if anyone had been looking, truly looking, they would have noticed. The bruises were decently hidden, but the psychological scars significantly less so. Comments were made on a regular basis that gave away what was happening. (My letter was addressed to the cupboard under the stairs. There were bars on my window.) The victim showed up to school every year skinnier than he'd left.

The signs were there. They were easily seen.

But who ever would have suspected the Boy Who Lived to be the victim of child abuse? Who ever would have expected that the Golden Boy, who won Quidditch matches and defeated Voldemort and shoveled down pumpkin juice and laughed in Hogsmeade, could possibly have anything but the most loving of homes?

The only people who ever notice are the victims of similar kinds of abuse, similar kinds of trauma- the only ones who realize that it doesn't matter how happy a person pretends to be, that the most perfect of facades can be hiding the most broken of people.

An envelope shows up on Harry's bed the second Thursday evening of his third year, right after Harry's gotten back from dinner. He's always a bit more tried the first couple of weeks back from the Dursleys than he is the rest of the school year.

After reading, Harry follows the instructions laid out on the letter, heading up to the seventh floor that Thursday evening and pacing in front of the wall. He steps through the door and enters into a room that doesn't seem too magical or fancy. There are beanbags laying over the floor and mats sitting on mats and blankets, magical lights dangling from the ceiling illuminating a room filled with laughter and games and easy gossip.

Harry hadn't believed it when he'd read the letter, but here in front of him he finds a variety of faces he never would have expected to be willing to hang out together. Draco Malfoy. Percy Weasley. Neville Longbottom. Pansy Parkinson. Lisa Turpin. Terry Boot. Leanne Rosenthal. A pair of Slytherin girls in their fifth or sixth years and some Ravenclaw firstie that Harry doesn't know the name of but that won't meet anyone's eyes. Cedric fucking Diggory.

"Merlin's balls," he swears quietly under his breath as Pansy, Draco, and Percy look up when he enters the room. "I didn't expect this many people."

"To what?" Draco drawls casually, though his suspicious gaze flicks over Harry as Draco stands up to greet him. Draco's wearing pjs that make him look far more vulnerable than Harry ever could have imagined the Malfoy heir was capable of. "This many people to what, Potter?"

"Be here," Harry says, and swallows. "Your letter said that this place was for victims of..." He can barely think the word 'abuse,' because that wasn't what happened to him. The Dursleys were just afraid of him and his freakishness and were just trying to keep him normal.

His conflict must show on his face, as Percy gives him a sympathetic look. "There are many different kinds of abuse, Harry. Not everything is physical. It can be psychological, verbal, emotional, sexual, financial, neglect, all kinds. You know my parents never beat me, after all, but that doesn't mean that they didn't emotionally isolate me from my siblings and neglect me on a systematic basis."

"This is a safe space, Potter," Pansy says, voice softer than he's ever heard it before. "No one gets in here without our permission."

"C'mon, Potter," Draco says, gesturing to the seat next to him as he squats back down onto the beanbag he had been sitting on when Harry entered the room. "Join us over here."

Harry looks at the boy who has bullied him for years, the boy who says my father will hear about this with the same shake in his voice that Harry has when he talks about going "home" to the Dursleys, and he sits down on a pillow next to Draco Malfoy of all people, causing the last of the kids Draco, Percy, and Pansy were sitting with- Cedric Diggory- to glance up at him.

"I don't get why I was invited," Harry says, trying to regain his voice, trying to make sense of things. "I'm not that. I was never beaten or anything."

"Didn't you listen to Weasley, Potter?" Draco says, "You didn't have to be beaten to end up here." His gaze falls to Harry's neck, to a long-faded scar that wasn't caused by the blowback of a Killing Curse but rather by more mundane means. His voice is surprisingly sympathetic as he adds: "Though, to be honest, I don't think you got out entirely unscathed, did you?"

Harry swallows, gaze dropping to the floor between the four students' legs. He thinks about bars on windows and thrown plates and burning his hands on the stove when he was told to cook for the Dursleys at age five and getting locked in his room and starving because he'd fucked up and being forced to do every chore in the house and the garden. "No," he admits quietly, "I don't think I did."

"Welcome to the Sanctuary, Potter," Cedric says with a welcoming smile. "I think you'll fit in here just fine."

Over the course of regular Thursday night meetings, Harry learns everyone's stories slowly, though rarely through direct questions. The stories come slowly during the courses of games and gossip, casual discussions over midnight snacks and in the aftermath of nightmares.

He learns that Terry's parents often employed starvation as a punishment technique for him after a conversation devolves over snacks. He learns that Leanne's mother locks her in closets as punishment after Draco makes a joke about Seven Minutes in Heaven. He learns about how Lisa and Cedric's fathers both pushed them into careers or betrothals that they didn't want to go in, using threats of disowning them from the family if Lisa and Cedric didn't do exactly what they were told.

He learns that abuse is not just families. He learns about how Professor Snape's verbal and psychological abuse has utterly destroyed the mental health (a word he learned from Terry, a muggleborn whose best friend's mother was a social worker) of Neville and that Ravenclaw firstie, who it turns out is named Georgie.

And, of course, there are the kids who are physically abused by their families.

"My father's trying to force me into following after him into the Dark Arts," Draco admits one evening in the middle of a game of Monopoly- a game that Harry foolishly introduced to the Slytherins without thinking through the consequences. Now the game gets played at least once a week, with the Slytherins trying their best to destroy everyone, with only Harry and Lisa really putting up a good fight against them. "When I refuse, he uses the Cruciatus Curse on me to try to get me to fold to his whims."

Neville puts a comforting hand on Draco's crossed knee while Pansy whistles in sympathy. "Same here with my Aunt, Dray," she says, rolling the dice with her other hand. "Fuck yeah, a three!" she crows, moving her piece- the top hat- the spaces forward to land on Park Place. She gleefully hands the required money over to the banker, Percy, as everyone else groans. "I've got a fucking Monopoly, bitches!"

And that's something else that Harry gets out of this, too. These meetings aren't just the most horrible show-and-tell that Harry's ever been a part of. They're also safe spaces where Harry knows he is among people who understand why he flinches when people move too fast or why he doesn't eat as much as anyone else right after they get back from summer break. They're places where he can let down his guard for the first time since he can remember, make jokes about trauma with people who understand what he went through. They're times where there are pranks and games and gossip sessions or magical practice and all of it feels normal because it's with people who don't judge him, who are willing to just sit with him and understand him.

For the first time in Harry's life his bones feel settled in his own skin. The process of filling out his body again, going from starving to eating enough, from being afraid to be alone with people to feeling at home again, doesn't take as long as usual. These people- they understand him. They understand how hard it is for his brain to settle in the feeling of safety. They don't judge him for his mental issues and so he feels okay here with them, being who he is, in a way that he's never gotten before.

Through all of these reveals, as these broken kids learn to trust him as they have come to trust each other, Harry learns how to help other people through the after effects of all of these kinds of abuse. Percy teaches him how to help kids through panic attacks after Lisa has a minor breakdown after someone accidentally uses one of her trigger words. He learns first aid from Terry and Leanne, both of whom have had to learn it themselves to take care of injuries both for the others and for themselves.

Sure, all of this isn't stopping the abuse. There's no way for a bunch of kids to stand up to their families and professors and hope to survive.

But this is comfort. This is understanding.

And for now, for Harry, age thirteen, finding a home for the first time in his life- this is enough.

Ron asks Harry where he keeps disappearing to when he gets back from his fourth meeting.

"I've just made a few new mates, that's all," Harry says, not lying one bit. "People who I share some interests with." He winks at Ron and Hermione, feeling a newborn confidence that he never did before. "Don't worry, I'm not abandoning you two as my best mates, don't worry."

Ron snorts. "Not bloody likely, mate." Then he smiles at Harry, and he seems genuinely happy for Harry. "I'm glad for you, anyway. You look a lot happier than you used to. A lot more content."

Hermione nods, a similar smile on her lips. "Is it because of Professor Lupin? I'm sure that that would plenty distracting from the whole Sirius Black thing."

Shit, the whole Sirius Black thing- Harry had nearly forgotten over the course of the past few weeks. "Nah," he says, "I think it's because of these new mates."

"Can we meet them sometime?" Ron asks, raising an eyebrow. "Maybe get to know you a little better through them?"

"Someday soon, I promise," Harry says, "Whenever they're ready."

"Cool," Ron says, "Now, wanna play Exploding Snap?"

"We've got a Potions Essay to finish, Ronald!" Hermione admonishes, and Ron shrugs.

"We've got plenty of time to finish that later, 'Mione," Ron says as Harry slumps back into the couch behind him, a smile spreading over his lips. Ron and Hermione are just as much of a comfort in their normality as the Sanctuary kids are in the abnormality- he knows he couldn't have survived the past few years without his best friends, nor would he have wanted to.

Harry understands rather well why no one has changed how they interact with him outside of meetings. He understands punishment and consequences and doing anything possible to avoid risks all too well. He understands why Draco still spits scarhead without flinching, despite the nights where Harry has gleefully duelled Draco in Monopoly, understands Pansy's outer disdain despite the nights he's braided her hair for her, understands why Erika and Kendall, the fifth year Slytherin girls, still make fun of him despite the time he let them practice their nail-polish techniques on him.

They're all just children. They don't have the power to stand up for themselves. They are subject to the wills of family members and teachers and authority figures, helpless to do anything to defend themselves save trying to prevent the abuse in the first place. They are being made to fight in wars they don't understand, don't really know enough about to make educated decisions in.

For now, this is the world that they are left with, and this is what they have to do to survive. So they continue on with what they are given, and they make their sanctuary together on Thursday nights.

"Is there something wrong with me for liking boys?" Harry asks one Thursday night when his head is laying on Draco's thigh. Tonight several people are feeling worn out by various papers and tests that are assigned for the week, as well as some rather intense Quidditch practices leading up to the Slytherin/Gryffindor game as well as the increased presence of Dementors (never a good thing for people with memories as bad as theirs), and so they're not playing games. Instead the floor of the Room has turned into a giant fucking mattress, pillows and sheets and stuffed animals scattered around the room. Harry's pretty sure that several of these stuffed animals and blankets are comfort items for the students around him, considering how hard people are clinging to them.

"Of course not, Harry," Erika says with a snort. "If there was, half of us would be in trouble."

"Really?" Harry asks, and Cedric nods.

"I'm bisexual- that means I'm into girls and guys. Pansy's gay. So's Draco. Terry is asexual- he isn't into anyone- and Erika and Kendall are dating."

"My parents will never know about me until I'm graduated and have taken control of the family vaults, though," Erika says, and Kendall nods.

"You don't even want to know what my parents are threatening if I ever come out," Kendall says with a shudder.

"But just because our families will react badly doesn't mean that it's wrong," Draco says, running his fingers through Harry's hair in a caring sort of way that Harry's never had anyone treat him like before.

The first time Harry interacts with someone outside of the Room meetings that he doesn't normally is when he bumps into Pansy in the hallway right before Halloween. There's no one else here in the hallway outside of the Astronomy Tower, and thus she gives him a small smile. "You ready for the Samhain party we're having next week?"

"We're having a party next week?" He asks, and she nods.

"No plus ones allowed," she says, expression almost apologetic. "Can't violate the sanctuary of the group. But Leanne, Erika, Terry, and I are in charge and so it's gonna be fucking awesome anyway."

Harry lets out a soft snort. "Malfoy not in charge?"

Something passes over Pansy's expression. "He's got some other shit that his father's making him do right now, so he's a bit busy. But you're in, right?"

"Fuck yeah," Harry says. "Just gotta cross our fingers that things don't go to shit this Halloween."

Pansy snorts. "That's the dream, Potter."

The party goes off without a hitch and then, the week after Halloween, Professor Lupin drags out the Boggart and Neville, Draco, and Pansy are in Harry's DADA class and he is so fucking scared of what might get exposed during class, not just on his behalf but on theirs too.

And he's right to- when Neville's Boggart turns into Professor Snape, Professor Lupin's face goes white. He Riddikuluses the Boggart, turning it into a moon and then into a leaking balloon, before turning to the kids with a smile that Harry is all too familiar with, a smile that is clearly hiding some sort of sadness.

Professor Lupin then proceeds to hold Neville back after class, claiming to need to speak to him, and Harry makes excuses to Hermione and Ron as to why he has to hang back, too. Harry's not surprised to find Pansy and Draco staying by their desks, either, apathetic expressions on their faces but spines straight as rods. All three of them know why Neville's Boggart is Professor Snape, and they want to make sure that he has support by his side while Professor Lupin questions him.

Thankfully, though, when Professor Lupin sees Harry, Draco, and Pansy hanging by Neville's side as he enters the office, he doesn't ask any questions of them. Instead, he offers them all chocolate- which all of them save Draco take.

"Why was your boggart one of your professors, Neville?" the Professor then asks, and his expression is sympathetic but none of the four children in front of him can entirely trust him. Their entire lives have been spent either being ignored by adults who promised to help or being outright accused of lying by adults who they thought cared.

Neville, despite being the most easily trusting of the four of them, is still somewhat suspicious of Professor Lupin. They've all been screwed over by supposedly trustworthy adults in the past and they're not easy to trust Professor Lupin just because he's been fun and informative in class.

But Neville was not sorted into Gryffindor for no reason. "Because he's verbally abusive, sir," he says, spine straighter than the others have ever seen it before despite his fear of Professor Snape.

"Yeah," Harry adds, jumping in, ready to fall next to Neville if Professor Lupin lets them down. "He's constantly insulting all of us and calling Neville useless and telling us that we'll never be able to amount to anything in life."

"Dear Lord," Professor Lupin says, voice a bit worried. "Have you told the Headmaster about this?"

"Dumbledore doesn't care, Professor," Draco spits, posture far less at ease than it is during meetings, when he lets others slump over him and use his lap as a pillow. "Plenty of us have let him know about shit like this."

Harry nods. "We've complained about Snape for years and he hasn't done anything about it."

Professor Lupin, to Harry's surprise, doesn't flinch at the curse word, his expression only growing more concerned. "He hasn't?"

They all shake their heads and Professor Lupin's expression hardens. "I know I can't do much, considering how new I am," Professor Lupin says, "But I'm going to talk to Professor McGonagall and a few others and see if I can't do something about this. Severus should never have been allowed to terrify children to the point of making him their Boggarts."

Harry blinks and glances at the other three students, all of which have bewildered expressions on their faces. None of them expected this. Professor Lupin, right now, is doing the impossible, something Harry never thought he'd ever see- he's being an adult who's actually willing to listen, an adult who promises to try and make a change, who thinks that there is something wrong with children getting hurt.

"When you talk to Professor McGonagall," Harry dares to venture, feeling some of that Gryffindor courage that he's always been told he's supposed to have, "Can you also tell her about some other stuff, too?"

"Like what, Harry?" Professor Lupin asks, and Neville jumps in.

"Like the fact that Professor Dumbledore let all of this go by," he says.

"That Dumbledore's been endangering kids for years," Pansy adds, having heard all of Harry's stories of the past two years.

"That Lockhart nearly obliviated two kids and Dumbledore did jackshit about it," Draco adds, and though Professor Lupin raises an eyebrow at Draco's profanity he doesn't comment on it, instead just nodding.

"I'll tell her about all of this," Professor Lupin says, then gestures to the door. "I will definitely keep you kids updated, but it will take some time and I do believe that you four need to go to Charms next?"

They all nod, grabbing for their books and heading for the door, eager to be out of this awkward and emotion conversation, but Pansy halts at the door.

"Professor?" Pansy asks, and her tone is curious but soft in a way that it never gets outside of the Room.

"Yes, Miss Parkinson?"

"How did you know that there was something wrong when Professor Snape was Longbottom's Boggart?"

Professor Lupin gives Pansy a smile that speaks to something sad and pained and achingly familiar to the four kids. "Because years ago I had a Professor like that," he says, "A man who took issue with who I was and refused to treat me like a human- much less a child- because of it. I had friends, thankfully, who took care of me, just like you four, but it wasn't easy." He looks to each of them, some measure of pride in his gaze. "You four- you're rather lucky to have such good friends to protect each other like that."

"We know, Professor," Harry says, giving Neville, Draco, and Pansy each a smile that they return with varying degrees of enthusiasm.

"Good," Professor Lupin says, then grins at them as he gestures again. "Now, get to your next class! Can't have you late on my behalf!"

So this is how a war begins to end before it starts, by kindness and care being planted in the smallest of places, in the smallest of ways: an adult refusing to overlook abuse and standing his ground to make things better.

Dumbledore gets fired by the Board and replaced by Professor McGonagall, who fires Severus Snape and replaces him with Andromeda Tonks. Professor Tonks is a decently strict teacher but still treats all houses with fairness and respect, not tolerating shenanigans in her classroom but being patient with questions and helping those lagging behind rather than yelling at them. Despite not being the most entertaining of Professors, she still finds herself ranked rather highly by students by the end of the term.

When Sirius Black shows up, there is no Snape to fuck things up. Professor Lupin has taken his wolfsbane and thus when Peter Pettigrew is captured, no time turner needs to be used. Peter Pettigrew goes to trial and Sirius is cleared of all bogus charges, proceeding to then take his place as Lord of the House of Black.

Harry gets to go to live with Sirius at the end of the year, Sirius uses his power as the Head of the House of Black to name Draco his heir- a move which supercedes Draco's title as Heir Malfoy and necessitates Draco move to the Black Family Manor in order to "complete the necessary preparations to become heir." Draco arrives at the Manor with a sob of thanks for Sirius, dropping his perfect Malfoy facade long enough to gasp his gratitude.

Sirius then proceeds to adopt Georgie, Leanne, and Terry from their muggle homes, thus giving Draco a set of cousins and Harry some adoptive siblings. The five of them spend the summer running wild over the Black estate, alternating politics and etiquette lessons with therapy sessions and the best prank wars that have been seen since the days of the Marauders themselves.

As for the children still stuck in the Wizarding World- Sirius uses the Black family's considerable political and economic power to help nudge the Ministry into opening investigations against the families of the Sanctuary kids. Some of them work quicker than others, such as the one against Erika's parents, who only had the flimsiest of excuses as to their involvement with Voldemort in the First Wizarding War, while others drag on. Whatever the results, though, at least the investigations have been opened and thus the Sanctuary kids have some measure of protection and safety for the first time in their lives.

Over the course of the summer, plenty of friends visit. Hermione and Ron visit and get along well with everyone, even Draco. Blaise Zabini arrives and instantly becomes plenty of Sanctuary kids' new best friend as he brings Italian chocolates with him.

And, of course, there's the fact that the kids' favorite Professor visits on a regular basis, rekindling an old romance with Sirius- a fact that all of the kids cheer on (and tease Sirius for the way he blushes like a teenager whenever Remus sends an owl).

When Hogwarts starts back up that September, several of the members of the Sanctuary have found themselves a new family with adults that they, for the first time in their lives, actually trust.

Mad-Eye Moody hasn't been hired to be the DADA professor- Remus is still there, with a kind eye on the Sanctuary kids and a wise smile for everyone. The Triwizard Tournament goes off without a hitch, with the newest ward of the Black family, Cedric Diggory, as Hogwarts' champion. All of the Sanctuary kids are in the audience to cheer him on and they're also there to tease him as he practices dancing for the Yule Ball in the Room, all of the Sanctuary kids dancing with him.

When it comes to the Yule Ball and who goes with who, Cedric takes his long-term crush in Cho Chang. Erika takes Kendall, Neville asks Ginny, Pansy takes Daphne Greengrass, Terry takes Georgie just so the second year can experience the Yule Ball, Percy arrives from his new Ministry job with Auror Tonks as his date, Leanne goes to the Ball with Fred Weasley, and, well-

Draco Black, Heir to the Noble House of Black, shows up with the Boy Who Lived on his arm, and by the end of the night the press have caught a photo of Draco giving Harry a kiss on the cheek on his way to grabbing the two of them refreshments. The press catch further photos of Draco laughing with Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, of him dancing with Harry in the middle of the dance floor, of him with the biggest smile on his face as he talks to Erika, Percy, and Kendall.

The world gets to see Draco Black genuinely happy in public for the first time in his life and it is wonderful.

Things aren't perfect. There are still nightmares and trauma and there will be probably for the rest of their lives. The Sanctuary kids, even after getting out of the households they were stuck in, still need therapy for years afterward and sometimes find themselves falling into old, toxic patterns and habits.

But to this day, the Room still operates for kids who have need of it. Sirius Black still pours Black family funds into investigating abuse and eventually opening up a Home for Abused Children.

And the Sanctuary kids, even long after they're no longer children anymore, will still be a home for those who need one.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23022976

#fight me jkr #child abuse #i have never gotten over how much i hate how jkr handles child abuse #harry potter #aletterinthenameofsanity #ao3 #fanfic #cross posted on ao3 #survivors supporting each other #room of requirement #drarry #draco malfoy #suck my nonexistent dick jkr #happy ending #canon divergence #found family #hurt/comfort

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splendidissimus · 6 months

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Whumptober 2023 Completionist Masterlist

For the benefit of Whumptober skimmers: All of these stories take place within the same nearly-canon-compliant Harry Potter AU, the key difference of which is that Voldemort's task to Draco, kill Dumbledore, came with a curse that drained his life until Dumbledore was dead, and left him that way afterward. These stories span time from roughly age 16 to ~40. Draco is whumpee.

"Theo" is Theodore Nott, the ultimate background character of Draco's dorm / Draco's boyfriend it turns out.

Anything listed with "Theo caretaker" is likely to have hints of romance, but anything heavily romantic will have "romantic" in the little warning area. Otherwise it's family feels / friends / professional.

Because these span lot of time, Lucius' characterisation in particular can vary wildly (he's got his own issues). Draco's and Theo's personalities also change, to a greater or lesser degree. Narcissa is eternal.

----------------------------

“But now this room is spinning while I’m trying just to fill in all the gaps.” | Swooning | “How many fingers am I holding up?”

#1 : August 1998 - 1500 words Draco faints and falls down the stairs while he's off his meds sickfic // untrustworthy mind // whumpee in denial // Theo caretaker

Delirium

#2 : November 1999 - 1000 words Draco hasn't been sleeping, Lucius gets pissed abusive parent // untrustworthy mind // passive whumpee // Lucius whumper

Solitary confinement

#3 : September 1998 - 700 words Draco is badly withdrawing and no one notices or helps depression // caretaker failure

“I see the danger, It’s written there in your eyes.” | Shock | “You in there?”

#4 : 2002ish - 1800 words Draco is hit with a fear curse during a duelling tournament vulnerable whumpee // whumpee seems normal // Theo caretaker

Pinned down | "It's broken."

#5 : 2004 - 700 words Draco wakes up during the magical equivalent of surgery medical whump // romantic // Theo caretaker

Made to watch | "It should have been me."

#6 : early 2000 - 550 words Lucius makes Draco see exactly when he's done for him mind r*pe // cruciatus curse // abusive parent // self-loathing whumpee // Lucius whumpee // Lucius whumper // Voldemort whumper

“I paced around for hours on empty; I jumped at the slightest of sounds.” | Radio silence

#7 : August 2000 - 1300 words Draco has intense anxiety over Theo not coming home anxiety // romantic // Theo caretaker

Outnumbered | "It's all for nothing."

#8 : 1 July 1997 - 1400 words Draco is bullied by Death Eaters and realises that Dumbledore's death didn't change anything homophobia

Alternate prompt: Aftermath of Failure

#9 : Easter 1998 - 700 words Voldemort punishing everyone after Harry & co's escape cruciatus curse // vomit // Voldemort whumper // Narcissa caretaker

Stranded | "You said you'd never leave."

#10 : May 1999 - 2800 words Draco emotionally cracks and calls Theo back from Hogwarts for help This story got fluffier than normal and is mostly about recovery rather than suffering emotional breakdown // vulnerable whumpee // Theo caretaker // Narcissa caretaker // house elf caretaker

“All the lights going dark and my hope’s destroyed.” | Captivity | “No one will find you.”

#11 : August 2001 - 800 words excerpt of Draco kidnapped and tortured by an escaped Death Eater beating // bondage // torture // kidnapping // captivity // cruciatus curse // numb whumpee // Death Eater whumper

“I haven't slept in days, but who's counting?” | Insomnia

#12 : 2004 - 7500 words Draco has found a concoction that lets him go without sleeping for weeks, but it's making him crazy and dangerous. His family have to keep him contained until it wears off. Draco is brutally abusive to all 4 caretakers. captivity // emotional abuse // starvation // sleep deprivation // whumped caretakers // Lucius caretaker // Narcissa caretaker // Theo caretaker // house elf caretaker // Draco whumper

Infection | "I don't feel so good."

#13 : September 2000 - 1300 words Draco falls sick with the flu while he's working on Diagon Alley sickfic // fever // romantic // Theo caretaker

"Feed me poison, fill me 'til I drown." | "Just hold on."

#14 : Easter 2000 - 1900 words Draco is found having overdosed on some of his medications, insists it was an accident overdose // suicide attempt (possibly) // vomit // depression // numb whumpee // house elf caretaker // Narcissa caretaker // Lucius caretaker

Suppressed Suffering | "I'm fine."

#15 : June 2006 - 1000 words Draco is not in the mood for a surprise party, but he does it anyway whumpee seems normal

"Would you lie with me and just forget the world?" | "Don't go where I can't follow."

#16 : January 2019 - 900 words Draco considers becoming a ghost after his death physical weakness // dying // terminal illness // angst // romantic // Theo caretaker

Touch Aversion | "Leave me alone."

#17 : 2003 - 3100 words Draco dreams Theo hurt him and has a psychotic break, accidentally harms people with unintentional magic untrustworthy mind // implied noncon // touch aversion // loss of magic control // scared whumpee // Lucius caretaker // Theo caretaker // Theo "whumper"

Tortured for Information

#18 : 2012 - 4000 words Draco is tortured by a client's abusive spouse torture // blood // gore // evisceration // physical weakness // kidnapping // defiant whumpee // Lucius caretaker // rando whumper

"I'll take one final step, all you have to do is make me." | Psychological

#19 : 2009 - 1300 words Draco encounters a Dementor suicidal feelings // Theo caretaker

"You're going to regret touching him."

#20 : late 2001 - 500 words Lucius has Rowle captivity // whumper turned whumpee // caretaker turned whumper // Lucius whumper

"Don't move."

#21 : August 1998 - 1000 words Feeding time for Nagini human being eaten by animal

Alternate Prompt: Body Modification

#22 : 2005ish - 2800 words Draco tries to remove the Dark Mark from his arm. With a knife. gore // blood // self-harm // self mutilation // vomit (lite) // self whump // house elf caretaker

"It's gonna get me by the end of the night." | Shadows | Stalking | "Who's there?"

#23 : late 2001 - 1600 words Draco feels unsafe even though he knows he shouldn't anxiety // mental health problems // romantic // Theo caretaker

Neglect

#24 : August 2001 - 1200 words Draco has to create his own water while he's being held captive. dehydration // bondage // captivity // neglect // degradation // whumper not present // Death Eater whumper

Storm

#25 : August 2001 - 500 words Draco experiences a storm while held captive by Rowle isolation // captivity // bondage // Death Eater whumper

"Sometimes I get so tired, I don't even know myself."

#26 : June 2000 - 1300 words Draco's inability to sleep properly sleep deprivation // night terrors // romantic // Theo caretaker

Scars | "Let me see."

#27 : late 1998 - 1100 words Narcissa sees Draco's Sectumsempra scar body image issues // shame

Sacrifice

#28 : 2007ish - 6800 words Theo and Draco are exploring a tomb in search of forbidden knowledge, and Draco plays the role of sacrifice for all of the trials blood // blood loss // self harm (bloodletting) // zombies // caretaker failure // Theo caretaker

“I only sink deeper the deeper I think.” | Troubled Past Resurfacing | “What happened to me?”

#29 : January 2002 - 2800 words Draco discovers a recurring dream is actually a memory his parents Obliviated out of his mind untrustworthy mind // lashing out // angry whumpee // Theo caretaker // Lucius caretaker // Narcissa caretaker // Voldemort whumper

“It’s okay, just to say, ‘I’m not okay’.” | Bridal Carry | “Not much longer…”

#30 : January 2020 - 2100 words Draco shuts down his Diagon Alley office and has to put his affairs in order, is too weak to probably ever leave home again dying // terminal illness // physical weakness // angst // Theo caretaker

#31 :

#whumptober2023 #completionist #fic #harry potter #draco malfoy #draco x theo #dying tw #terminal illness tw #gore tw #blood cw #vomit cw #overdose tw #illness tw #captivity tw #depression tw #parental abuse tw #torture tw #whumptober 2023

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nichefairyblogs · 9 months

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Harry Potter Fans!!

I am currently writing a fanfiction for the Harry Potter Fandom which I will be sharing here and on Ao3. It will be centered around Harry Potter overcoming abuse and forming a father/son like relationship with professor Snape. It will contain dark content and happen in a universe without the second war. I am looking for 1-2 beta readers to read my chapters before I put them out. I will add the description below and you can email me for more details at [email protected]

Falling Asleep At the Wheel

Harry Potter grew up in a violent home, one filled with harsh words and harsher punishments. The letter that came when he turned 11 changed his life and Hogwarts was everything he’d ever dreamed of. Unfortunately, he still had to return home every holiday to what no one could call a family. So in fourth year, when things begin to unravel, his secrets are aired out for all of Hogwarts to see. When taken out of the Dursley’s home, no one could’ve guessed how little they knew about the Boy Who Lived.

Perhaps, the hardest part of all would be learning to live with the man who once hated him. Who knows where his new life would lead, and what new relationships it would bring with.

PLEASE READ TAGS <3

#father/son #ron weasley bashing #harry potter #ronald weasley #harry potter fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #draco malfoy #dumbledore bashing #severus snape #hogwarts houses #hermione granger #adoption #sexualassault #child abuse #emotional abuse #angst #angst with a happy ending #hurt/comfort

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mxlfoydraco · 1 year

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things i love about the welcome to the grey series vol 2: not even thinly veiled remadora shading

#this author gets me😩#malfoys loving draco ✔️#lucius still having a complicated relationship with him✔️#sexually repressed draco✔️#harry calling out the people who left him in an abusive home and lied to him✔️#found fam mixed friend group✔️#voldemort is still voldemort and I LOVE HIM???#anti remadora #drarry quotes #harry potter and the welcome to the world of grey #draco malfoy and the path to paradise #sobsicles

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fanfic-lover-girl · 7 months

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Double Standards: Dramione vs Romione Edition

I am so sick of the double standards between the sexes when it comes to shipping.

That's perfectly valid...but why does this logic not apply to Ron??

Harry spun round to see Hermione pointing her wand at Ron, her expression wild: the little flock of birds was speeding like a hail of fat golden bullets towards Ron, who yelped and covered his face with his hands, but the birds attacked, pecking and clawing at every bit of flesh they could reach.

Why does Draco not deserve to be with Hermione but Hermione deserves Ron!? Draco has never even intentionally assaulted Hermione! I would say Draco calling her a slur or laughing about her potentially being sexually assaulted is a lesser offence than Hermione scarring Ron for life. Make it make sense! Doesn't Ron deserve better too then!? I guess I should be concerned for Romione shippers too.

Before Romione fans attack Dramione, they should probably check their own ship first because it's not exactly the beacon of healthy relationships either. Just because Dramione is worse, it does not make Romione good.

#draco malfoy #ron weasley #anti hermione granger #anti romione #dramione defense #kind of?#i dont like dramione either #double standards #romione should be held to the same standard as dramione #dramione vs romione #ron weasley deserves better #harry potter series #female violence is not ok #anti hermione stans who excuse hermione's abuse and crimes #literally there was one hermione stan who excused hermione inhumanely imprisoning rita and obliviating her parents #people like that need to stay the hell away from me and mine #and get therapy #hermione is not shippable with anyone #half blood prince

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phoebe-delia · 2 years

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Daffodils

Hurt/comfort, discussions of death, reference to canon temporary death, and references to canon child abuse.

Leaves crunched under Harry's feet, reminding him suddenly of tissue paper. He recalled, back on Privet Drive, picking up the tatters of thin paper Dudley had left behind after shredding through it to reach the presents Petunia had meticulously wrapped. He would crush the flimsy stuff in his fist so it wrinkled before he put it in the bin. He'd always secretly looked forward to that particular chore; since it meant he was often alone in the house while his relatives were out to lunch or dinner to celebrate. And it meant Harry got some time to himself, to tear at the paper himself if he wanted.

It was usually satisfying to listen to the snap of browned leaves; to be destructive of something inanimate and insignificant. But he couldn't appreciate it much, feeling anxious as he walked around and around and around the forest. Looking for the damned spot. For some mark left behind. He resisted the urge to clear the leaves and study the dirt, looking for tracks in the ground—footprints, perhaps, leading to where he'd stood that day.

He searched. Kicked at leaves and dirt. Glared at the sky and cursed whatever was beyond it.

Finally weary, he sat upon a large nearby rock and pressed his eyes into the heels of his palms. When he blinked back into focus, he finally noticed the pink tinge of the clouds and the retreating sun. How long had he been out here? He could've cast a Tempus and—he noticed as his tailbone protested—he'd forgotten a cushioning charm on the rock. Still, he didn't bother with either. Sometimes he needed to be a Muggle.

Suddenly, there was a crack, and then—

"Harry, it's getting late." Draco's eyes were full of concern—a look Harry was still struggling to distinguish from pity, no matter how many times Draco insisted it was the former.

"What time is it?" Harry mumbled. He sniffed, nose cold in the crisp autumn air.

Draco sat next to him on the rock, casting a spell to soften it. "Close to dinner. Can you continue the search tomorrow?"

"I've got to grade papers tomorrow," Harry bent over, elbows on his knees, running his hands over his hair.

Draco hummed. "So do I. But then, such is the wonder of a weekend. Free time is generally more flexible."

"I haven't found it yet." Harry glanced at Draco. "I thought I'd know it the minute I walked in here again, but I can't find it."

"Why do you want to?"

"Do I need a reason?"

"No, but you've got one."

Harry picked at his fingernails. "I died, Draco. I died here, somewhere."

Draco nodded. "And then you came back."

"Yeah, but—I still died. And when people die, they get something that...To acknowledge it. I don't want a funeral, or like, a grave or whatever. But I want...something."

"You died," Draco said softly. "There's nothing wrong with wanting to acknowledge that. But you also have to live your life at the same time. We can look for it together, as much and as long as you want until we find it, but there's no rush. You've been out here for hours and it's time for dinner. So. Are you ready to go?"

Harry sighed and nodded. "Yes, let's go." He let Draco pull him to his feet, keeping their hands clasped as they walked.

Harry shivered, and Draco tsked, casting a light warming charm over them both. "Honestly, Potter, you might've defeated a megalomaniacal wizard but you are not immune to colds."

Harry chuckled. "I'm just—" he cut himself off, stopping in his tracks as a sense of deja vu washed over him. He looked down at his feet and then turned around to face toward the forest. His breath caught, and Draco looked at him quizzically.

"This is it," Harry swallowed against the lump in his throat. "I don't—I don't know what to..."

"I've got an idea," Draco offered. At Harry's nod, he drew his wand and whispered an incantation. Harry gasped as daffodils grew up around his feet, and he jumped back to let them grow where he'd been standing. He moved next to Draco, watching the other man cast two more spells.

"Why did you—I mean, not that I'm complaining, it's just—"

"Daffodils symbolize rebirth." Draco cleared his throat. "New beginnings. The preservation and protective charms should let them live forever and not be picked or ripped up from the ground. It's not a headstone, exactly, but it's...Something."

Harry felt his eyes prickle with tears. He grasped Draco's hand again and gave him a wobbly smile. "Thank you," he whispered. "It's perfect."

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mollymarymarie · 2 years

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“Harry?” came a hesitant question after an uneasy fifteen minutes of silence, an uneasy fifteen minutes of Harry going well over the posted speed limit in his haste to cut the distance between them.

“I’m still here, Draco,” Harry assured him. “I’m on my way. I promise.”

A soft huff of a breath pierced through the call. “Draco,” he repeated, and Harry would’ve sworn his reply was almost wistful, almost wanting, if he didn’t know him better. “It’s been a long time since I’ve heard you call me Draco.” The weight of the why hung between them in the muffled stillness.

“You’ve always been Draco. It never changed. Not for me.” The last statement came out a bit more accusatory than Harry wanted, but the intent remained. To Harry, they had never changed.

Summer Skin on AO3

#Drarry oneshot #Drarry #Draco Malfoy #Harry Potter #Draco/Harry #first ever drarry attempt #good luck with this one #angst on angst on angst #literally just me posting my depression phase out loud #trigger warning for death of parents #implied child abuse?#and uh also arson #dont read if you dont agree with burning down your childhood home #uh enjoy

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whumpitlikeyoumeanit · 4 months

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Whumpcember 12

All of this Whumpcember is a single, long fic, with the prompts used in specific scenes, in order. See the Masterlist and AO3 link here.

((content warnings: silent treatment, abandonment, isolation, emotional manipulation, coerced / dubious consent relationship ))

promptspiration: @whumpcember Day 12: Touch-Starved

Whumpee: Draco Malfoy Whumper: Harry Potter Pairing: Harry/Draco whump type: isolation / abuse fic type: post-Hogwarts AU

words: ~3000

-------------------

Draco woke in the early morning, buried almost-comfortably in the covers of his bed in the cold of his room, and a little automatic morning Occlumency left him feeling pretty good.

He got up before Harry came to get him, with only a minor shiver, and then he was startled when he opened the door — there was a small table beside it, with a bowl of oatmeal and a horrible pink bottle on it. Harry must have had to go out, he realised. Of course. That was a thing he did, obviously, with work and things. And he'd let him sleep, not checking to realise that he'd been awake for some time.

He ate in his room, and when he eventually steeled himself to deal with the rest of the house took his dishes downstairs.

Harry was in the first room he looked into. He was sitting by the fire with his case book and one from the library, making notes.

Draco only spent a second surprised. "Good morning—" he started.

The moment Harry realised he was there, he stood, picked up his books, and left through the other door without even looking at him.

Draco froze. Like a physical thing, seeing that pummelled him with visions, memories of Theo doing that exact same thing for the entire duration of seventh year, dozens or probably hundreds of instances of him picking up and leaving when he came too close. Pansy and Daphne doing the same thing, but at least they'd glare at him to acknowledge he existed. Most of the younger Slytherins avoiding him. A buffer of space around him at breakfast where only Goyle and sometimes Crabbe and Millicent and a couple younger proto-Death Eaters would come close. The decent people avoiding him because of what he'd done and the wannabe Death Eaters because he was a failure who hadn't done it properly.

Memories of Crabbe's growing independence and walking away from him, sometimes taking Goyle with him… Memories of every time Blaise chose a different train car because he was there… Memories of Harry's friend group or allies turning around and walking out of a shop when they saw him… Memories of when he was young and did something to anger his mother so she would ignore him and rebuff his attempts to spend time with her…

Harry was gone by the time Draco caught his breath and pushed the memories away. He frowned and backed out of the room, trying to regain his bearings, cursing his useless mind — he couldn't remember what he had done to offend Harry no matter how he wracked his mind, and unfortunately there was no context to trigger the right memory like there had been with the medicine. He was sure he knew, it was just lost somewhere in the sea of unconnected memories…

He would admit it and ask him to explain the next time he saw him. And apologise, probably. For now, act normal. Dishes. Tidy up. Pick a room and organise it. There was a book of Pureblood families which kept catching his eye, maybe he could focus enough to look through it…

—-

It was uncomfortable to be alone as night fell. The shadows in the street grew long, the sky turned purple, the lights in front of the houses came on, and the day felt unfinished. Like he was waiting. The routine was for Harry to come home in the evening and them to be more or less together until time to turn in. Without that…

He didn't think he had seen Harry all day. He couldn't even swear that he was still home.

Well, that wasn't entirely accurate. Meals and medicine, not just the pink one but the pain one for his aches too, appeared at what seemed to be the appropriate times, left sitting outside the room he was in. That showed that Harry knew where he was, was probably keeping track of him, but he didn't answer when Draco tried to call for him. When he'd found lunch, Draco had ventured away from the sitting room, looking for him, only to find himself sitting on the stairs, struggling to calm down so he didn't get overwhelmed by the frustration and self-pity and disgust that were harrying the edges of his mind and trying to take his reason away, unable to find his way back to his meal.

But he had found his way back eventually, without breaking down — thank you, Occlumency, probably — and then stayed there, organising books, trying to read, staring out the window. It grew dark without a sign of Harry and it felt like he was still waiting.

He didn't intentionally stay up, but the waiting feeling made it never feel like it was time to go to bed yet, no matter how dark it got outside. It was only when he heard the clock striking two that he realised how much of nothing he'd been doing. He looked out the window again at the puddles of orangish light on the pavement and the empty sky, and knew he should go. He still had the process of finding his way back upstairs between him and bed, though. He knew it was only five or ten minutes, but it felt like an eternity, like it would never end, while he was in the middle of it.

Or… There was a sofa here. He considered it a second, then nodded slightly to himself. No reason to put himself through something that unpleasant if he could just go around it.

He moved to the sofa, but something made him check outside the door before he lay down. He didn't know what he was expecting — what he found was a tray of bottles sitting in the hall. Pink, pain, Sleeping, and Dreamless Sleep, left there for him, who knew how long ago. He ran his finger over the Dreamless Sleep bottle and looked down the dark hall pensively.

—-

Draco sat with his elbows on his knees, staring down into his hands, focused intently on his mind, trying to force it into order. What else could he do? Was he forgetting something, overlooking something? The house was clean, cleaner probably than it ever had been. He took his medication religiously, set aside the pain ones if he didn't really need them so they didn't cloud his mind and make him irritating, used the hunger and nausea ones and ate even if he didn't want to. He mitigated his habits that were probably annoying, like leaving drapes open. What else did he need to do? What else could he do? How did he fix it?

The door opened quietly, and Draco's head came up at once. Harry was coming into the room, not looking at him. Almost like he didn't know he was there.

"Harry…" He stood up, but hung back at the edge of the sofa, watching, eyes glued to him.

Harry didn't answer. He flicked his wand at the fireplace and set it alight, and then stepped back toward the door. He turned the other direction to do so, so that his eyes didn't have to cross over Draco.

"Harry, wait." He stepped toward him.

Harry stepped into the hall and closed the door softly.

Draco's eyes flinched closed, and because there was no one there to see him he grabbed a handful of hair at the back of his head.

That was how it was… how it always had been and always would be. The isolation was as implacable as it was gentle. He wanted for nothing — he had the run of the house, Harry made sure he had meals and water and an abundance of elixirs waiting for him whenever he could possibly desire one. His clothes were cleaned and the kitchen was stocked with food he didn't need help to eat. Harry discreetly lit fires and sometimes lights in the rooms Draco was using so he would not be too cold. There was no judgement on how he spent his time, no pressure to sleep at any hour or to be productive or to move, even if he slept downstairs or stayed in his room all day. It was complete freedom, completely provided for with no strings attached.

Yet, he had not heard another human voice in… He didn't know. He struggled to even bring up the memory of a voice other than his own. Harry never set eyes on him, never seemed to hear him when he spoke, pulled away when he drew close and stepped out of the room when he entered.

He wanted for nothing, except other people.

—-

He was losing his mind.

It was nothing to do with his memory problems. He would have been going mad after days or weeks without speaking to another person even if his mind were fully clear. He knew that from experience.

He didn't know what he was going to do. He just knew he couldn't live like this. He had found himself actively avoiding Harry because of the actual pain of seeing him pull away. When he looked away without seeing him he actually couldn't breathe.

Being without other people was going to kill him…

—-

"Mudbloods! Traitors! Filth of impure blood!"

Draco leaned in the corner with the dusty sheet folded up over his arm, calmly watching the stairs while Walburga screeched her ire over the house.

Weird that she opened with 'Mudbloods', wasn't it, when she saw him? Even if she didn't know him specifically, the real thing would have recognised a descendant of his bloodline on sight, and he would have thought the matriarch of the House of Black would have paid for — and demanded — an actual sentient portrait. Perhaps when the resistance was using the house they tried to shut her up and instead they broke her. What a terrible tragedy.

What a terrible, convenient tragedy…

As he expected, Harry didn't tolerate the cacophony for long. He appeared at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at the portrait, and just enough of a glance at Draco to understand the situation.

"I see you'll come when she calls," Draco said acidly, voice raised over her yelling.

Harry didn't answer, but calmly climbed the stairs, pulling out his wand from his pocket. A wordless motion summoned the sheet from Draco's hand and manoeuvred it back on top of the portrait, muffling her diatribe.

Draco stepped out of the corner, behind him, to block him from the stairs. Keep him from leaving. "Are you quite finished?" he demanded with a sneer. "Have you had enough of a tantrum?"

Harry didn't answer, didn't even acknowledge that he'd spoken, and turned around without ever facing him square on. Fury at the unfairness bubbled up and came out before he had time to consider it. "What makes you think you can ignore me? You're nothing! You're less than nothing!" He didn't stop. He cast aspersions on his parentage, breeding, upbringing, House, and character, spitting any vitriol that came to mind, but what all of it actually meant was look at me. Look at me!

Stop pretending I don't exist and just Look At Me!

He didn't. Harry stepped around him and descended the stairs without a reaction, like he couldn't hear him speaking, like he didn't even notice he was there.

In a surge of desperate pettiness, Draco went back to the portrait and ripped the sheet down again. Walburga immediately screeched at them, layered over Draco's scream of "Fine! Then then you can have the one you actually will deal with!"

Harry stopped where he was, paused on the stairs for a second. Then he very calmly turned back, pointed his wand at Draco, and without speaking the incantation Silenced him. Draco's yelling abruptly cut off although his mouth kept moving.

Fucker! he screamed, but without a sound, straining his throat with the force of the rage and trying to be heard. Harry twitched his wand for the sheet again, and Draco seized it tight, fighting the spell to not let him have it; he managed to wrangle it away and throw it over the railing of the stairs. It flopped down to the ground floor like a dead thing.

Harry looked down at it, taking a slow breath, and then raised his eyes to dismiss it and went down the stairs. He didn't retrieve it, he just kept walking.

Draco yelled after Harry's back, then he turned and yelled ineffectually at the portrait to shut up. He paced the hall in mounting agitation.

But the anger and agitation were shallow, fragile, and as much as he tried to cling to it, to shore it up, it crumbled and left a gaping hole that was sucking everything out of him.

Draco sank down on the steps, hyperventilating in eerie silence, holding onto his head. Why?!

Something cold pressed against the back of his hand. He looked up, found Harry actually looking at him, a sympathetic look as he pressed a Calming Draught into his hand. Wait!, Draco tried to say, reaching for him, but Harry evaded his hand, leaving him only with the bottle, and turned away, and then he was gone.

—-

He'd woken up, eaten, and then immediately taken the non-Dreamless Sleeping Draught he hadn't used the previous night to go back to sleep, because he just… couldn't.

He knew he couldn't do that again. It scared him that he had once— and he had to tell himself it had been only once, that he hadn't made a habit of it, that he hadn't been burying himself in sleep to avoid being awake, even though he didn't know if it was true. He couldn't let himself fall into that trap. It didn't accomplish anything, it was just giving up.

He stood at the black door to the outside, looking at it.

There were people out there.

Could he…?

There were Aurors out there. Dementors. Wizengamot. Azkaban. Blame.

There was death out there.

It was either that or give up. He had nothing left.

He lifted his hand, still hesitating, and finally set his hand against the black wood. Almost instantly he jerked it back with a hiss — the door was searing against his skin, like there was a fire burning inside of it. Cursed.

He didn't even have to ask for Harry's rationale. The explanation came to him without even looking for it — Harry was afraid he would try to leave and end up harming himself. This protected him from himself, so he didn't do something rash in one of his bouts of emotion.

…It had done its job. What was he thinking? He backed away and then turned his back, rubbing his arms, wiping away the sting in his hand on his sleeve, putting the door out of his mind. That wasn't an option…

Even if it weren't locked… and trapped… to keep him in…

—-

Draco stopped in the doorway, holding his arms above the elbows, when he realised Harry was in the family tree room. He automatically dropped his eyes away from him, so that he wouldn't have to see him, gathering up his books, standing to leave…

"Stop…" he said quietly.

Harry said nothing and walked toward the other door.

Draco hunched over. "Stop!" He was gripping his arms so tightly his fingers felt like claws. "Just stop running away from me! Please!"

He didn't look up, but he could hear that Harry had stopped moving. He was still in the room with him.

"Please…" he started, more measured. "I can't… My memory doesn't work right… I can't remember what happened 'yesterday', I can't tell. I remember things that are similar. So when you're avoiding me, I remember every other time you've been avoiding me, I remember everyone avoiding me, and I don't know if it's been two days or two months but I feel like I've been alone for years and I can't take it!" He hunched into his shaking shoulders. "I can't… I can't do it… Just stop… Just talk to me…" His voice trailed away into barely more than a whisper.

It was silent. He shut his eyes tight and clenched his teeth. He was so stupid. Pathetic. Harry was already on his way out, this would never end…

Then there was a step toward him. "I'm sorry, Draco." Harry's voice was quiet. "I don't think I can."

He opened his eyes, staring at the floor at Harry's feet. He latched onto the sound of his voice like water in the desert. He was talking to him. He'd say anything to keep it, but he didn't know what he needed to say. "Please…"

"I thought I could do this, help you without… But I can't. I'm sorry, I… I think I'm going to have to go." His voice was quietly sad. "I can probably find someone else to take care of you…"

Go. Leave. No… No, he couldn't… He gripped his arms and stared blankly at the floor.

Harry took one step closer, feet in the line of his eyes now. "I won't let you suffer, but this… This is torture, Draco. To be this close to you and not able to touch you, being with you but not allowed to be with you. It's killing me."

"Then you can," he said impulsively.

Harry was dead quiet for a moment. "Don't toy with me, Draco," he finally murmured. "Don't use me and push me away like you do. I can't take it anymore."

"I won't," he promised. "I'm not." And he meant it. The thought of pushing him away right now made him sick.

Harry stepped closer, came right up to him, but Draco was afraid to lift his eyes and see him.

"Draco… Look at me."

He reluctantly did as he was asked, forcing his eyes up warily to Harry's face. The need in his expression, raw and as wary as Draco felt but with hope in it, hope that felt foreign to Draco.

Harry lifted his hand, but hesitated, suspended in the air inches from his face. His eyes were searching, intense. "If you're going to change your mind, tell me now, and I'll go," he said. "I won't be able to handle it."

"…I won't," he promised.

Hesitantly, without looking away from his eyes, Harry brought the hand to his face. The backs of his fingers brushed over his cheek. The feeling lingered in his skin. His fingers slid into his hair, held the back of his head, and then he kissed him.

#whump writing #whumpcember2023 #whumpcember2023 day 12 #touch starved #draco whumpee #draco malfoy whump #not a prompt whumpitlikeyoumeanit #whumpitlikeyoumeanit wrote it #abuse tw #isolation #dubious consent

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