#all these sketches get given to said friend after i post them

[crabboytahomaru]

#about the second one #i botched it bc i inked the guidelines #so i stuck paper over it #and then later stole someone's tipex #my friend is always KID so imagine my shock when i watched soul eater and he wasnt the mc #still my favourite #dw maka and soul youre still cool #death the kid #soul eater #all these sketches get given to said friend after i post them #they have tons now #bep

[ciaonicole85]

Chapter 2: Getting to Know You

I recently wrote a post-season 2 story about Carmy helping with Sydney's apartment search. I wanted to back track a little to get into his head space just after the Friends and Family almost disaster, but prior to the apartment hunt, during which he is hopelessly crushing on Sydney. Mostly, it's backstory and gives more context to why Carmen is who he is :)

When Carmy stumbled frozen and broken out of the walk-in the night of Friends and Family, Sydney was waiting for him. However, something in his eyes made her reconsider whatever she had been planning to say. She pointed him to sit on floor against a stove she had turned on and made him hot tea. Wordlessly she sat on the floor next to him until he finished. When he tried to speak, nothing came out. His icy mottled fist began to circle his chest, but Sydney closed her hand over his.

"We'll start over again tomorrow."

Weeks later Carmen asked her why she hadn't quit that night. She said "Your face…it looked like mine did when I lost Sheridan."

In return she had asked him what happened with Claire and if it had been her fault.

"No. She thought she knew me, but she didn't and honestly, we didn't have anything in common."

The more Carm thought about Claire the sorrier he felt about how he'd behaved and the less he regretted the break-up. Claire was his high school dream girl. She was always kind to him, despite being able to mingle in nearly every clique at school. She was as comfortable with the student government club, as she was with the skaters. Everyone liked her and for no apparent reason she frequently stopped at his locker to ask if he had gum or invite him to study. So he always kept a pack of gum for her, but was too shy to join her study group. Once she and two of her friends ambushed him after school and convinced him to come to a party the night prior to graduation. He decided he might as well not end his high school career without ever having gone to one. The party was held in woods behind one of the football player's homes. There was a bonfire, cheap beer, too few cups, and couples making out or swaying to "Die in Your Arms".

Claire found a clean Solo cup and they shared a drink as she gazed into his eyes.

"I love this song"

"Yeah…it's popular".

Natalie had been playing Justin Bieber non-stop for the last few years and Carm was almost willing to give up all music if he never had to listen to him sing another note.

He didn't remember the rest of the conversation, but at some point Claire kissed him. 12 years later when they began dating she brought up the night of the party and how he looked so surprised and blushed.

"You were so cute. I bet it was your first kiss!"

"No, but almost" he said a little taken aback. As pleased as he was that Claire was interested, he felt like her project. Something about their relationship reminded him of a cheesy 80's teen movie. Too sweet. Not enough acid.

He could have saved them both a lot of trouble if he'd not given her any number, much less a fake one. But it was Claire, the brilliant, fearless, beautiful girl he'd used to sketch over and over again and she wanted HIM. He liked her so much back then. She went off to Michigan State and he began peeling mushrooms at a restaurant eventually becoming Carmen Berzatto "the most excellent CDC at the most excellent restaurant in the entire United States of America."

But before Claire, in 7th grade summer school, there was Kyla Branson. Carmy needed to take 7th grade math again before they'd pass him to 8th grade and Kyla was a transfer student. She had just finished 6th grade, and was taking 7th grade math and English early, because she was a pianist. A whole freakin' prodigy that would be touring with Eric Clapton later that fall. The math teacher had told the class, much to Kyla's obvious discomfort.

On the third day the class split into pairs to do an assignment and Carmy and Kyla were paired. He could barely look at her. Kyla had thick curly eyelashes which framed her large black brown eyes, her hair was usually brushed up into a soft coily bun like a ballerina, she wore small white diamond earrings in her shockingly small ears, and she had an heart-breakingly cute overbite that showed whenever she smiled. Carmy was gone over this little black girl. She was very shy too, but an overachiever so she persevered in making him talk enough to get the work done.

Once she saw his sketches on the back of his notebook and said he was artist. Using his best charcoal pencils he drew a portrait of her in the privacy of the attic at home. On the last day of summer school he gave it to her when class dismissed and dashed out of the room, his face redder than Heinz ketchup. Kyla caught up with him outside and grabbed his hand leading him out of the view of the car pick-up line.

"Thank you Carmen. I think you're beautiful too" Kyla whispered and kissed him full on the mouth. For three seconds. Then she ran back to the car pick up line, got into her parent's car and Carmen never saw her again.

Once he thought he saw her. The eyes and overbite were startling familiar, but the name was different. It was the day that Sydney Adamu walked into The Beef. It was the day that someone saw who he really was again.

#the bear #sydcarmy #sydney adamu #sydney x carmy #carmy the bear #carmen berzatto #carmy x sydney #carmy berzatto #syd adamu #fan fiction #fan fic

[noatpad]

I've been rather busy with grad school projects lately (and it'll probably last a bit longer), but recently a friend surprised me with some gift art of my dnd lad and his own. Since the campaign has been put on hold (and also wanting to scribble another idea related to it), I had an itch to scratch.

This is a "what if" redesign of my boy, alongside some of my personal scribbles I've done of him over the past few months that I'm still fond of

So a bit of exposition!

I say "what if", 'cause Tint here is a special case where his design was intentionally left untouched, or well, intended to keep his outfit and general look the same as my art style matured. Reason why is that I wanted to keep it consistent with his ongoing campaign, and I found it fun to draw things as it developed. So any different takes of him I did (which there is at least one of, that being his Metronome look) was like an AU or was what actually part of the campaign, which you'll see with all the scribbles below.

Though the thing was that back then, I made Tint as more so a one-time, hypothetical character. At the time, I actually didn't think I'd ever get the chance to play dnd 'cause of constraints I had (how wrong I was). But hearing a couple of friends talk about how fun it was for them, I basically made him just to imagine that "what if" (just noticed that that first sketch was actually posted here, and yeah I even said it was a hypothetical on the canvas, hah).

Because of that though, I went for a rather basic design: purple tunic, round glasses, long scarf. Fun fact: foxfolk was picked mostly just because I was comfortable drawing it after scribbling Note and Clef so much (and magic seemed rather fitting for a fox given the ethereal side of folklore involving them). I still like him since I grew attached to playing him, don't get me wrong! But now that I know a good bit better on anatomy & character design, and Tint's story took shape, I figured it'd be fun to explore what he'd look like if I were to redesign him.

As a tangent, gosh it's so surprising to me how my ability to do anatomy and structure on a character has grown in just the past couple of years. Not to say I dislike it, but I conditioned myself to only be capable of drawing that style consistently. I think I only could've had this growth because of the friends and inspirations I slowly learned from.

And yeah! There's a lot more intent on his palette being themed around light or radiance (and I've been informed it looks reminiscent to the colors on Isaac from Golden Sun, which is a funny coincidence), and hopefully he looks more adventurous yet studious type of mage!

#ref sheet #scribble #tincture #dnd #cleric #fox folk #hoping for dnd to happen again!

[ssavinggrace]

@drewlover

your annabeth post about her 'having so much love to give' I kinda wrote a bit on that. and drew something- also the brownie recipe in this y'all gotta try.

page 1. one of many recepies percy loves.

sally's brownies prep time-fifteen minutes. cook time-thirty minutes. total-forty five minutes. one cup of melted butter -1/2 cups of unsweetened coco powder -2 cups of all-purpose flour -4 large eggs -4 teaspoons of vanilla extract -as much blue food dye as you want. sally said 'I usually put in twenty five drops, which is alot, but Percy loves it.' icing - 1/4 cups of softened butter - 1/4 cup of milk. sally uses 2% -1/4 cup if unsweetened coco powder - 3 cups powdered sugar Instructions Preheat oven to 350° F. -Line a 9x13-inch baking dish with foil and spray foil with non-stick spray. Set aside. - In the bowl of an electric stand-mixer, add the melted butter and cocoa powder. Using the paddle attachment, blend till smooth. Add the flour and sugar. Beat together then add eggs and vanilla. Mix just until combined. Don't over mix. The batter will be thick -Pour batter into prepared baking dish and spread out evenly. Bake 25 to 35 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Remove brownies from oven and let stand 15 minutes before frosting. -You want the brownies still warm when you frost them! -FOR CHOCOLATE FROSTING: Beat together all the frosting ingredients until smooth. Pour and spread over warm brownies. Let cool completely before cutting and serving.

page 2. my beautiful boy 💙

percy has a series of scars down his back.  one long one Down the middle of his back, vertical way. he has five, small thin scars across this scar. he has a a set of three scars down his left shoulder blade, clearly from a monster. some maybe from Gabe. when studying, percy let's me sit in his lap and he plays with my hair. later, i ran a hand through his hair, he relaxed. run his hands through his hair. he loves it. he hates sour candy. he refuses to eat it. today percy stayed up with estelle all night because she's sick, because he said "she might be lonely". reminder to do that when he's sick too" he scrunches up his nose when he's worried he wants to become a trauma and abuse counselor. he wants to help people that went through similar things. mortals and demigods alike. he likes when I wear his cologne. wear it often.

pg 3. lia :)

what I got her on December 22, after Mount Tam, her first birthday back. - a bow able to hold any arrow or immense pressure. ie: when Thalia uses her lightning arrows, it won't heat or break. after Gaia's defetion, shortly after Apollos first misson of redemption, what i got her on her next birthday. -a phone built by Leo with no tracking. all of our friends have one too, all to stay in contact even when she's across the world. something she got after Jason died. - Jason's journal. Jason wanted to give it to her. and the pelt he'd been given from Lupa, he gifted to Thalia. I'm glad she got left his journal too, at least one of them would get to know the other. what I'll get her this year - she keeps talking about a pair of boots. it may sound stupid, but she won't stop talking about it. I definitely want to get her something she wants. but, I dint want to give her just that. I'll meet with Piper to get her to help me to make her better boots. I'll sketch it out.

pg 5. baby girl 🩷

In the realm where love's sweet whispers reside, There walks a demigod, grace personified. Piper McLean, daughter of Aphrodite's grace, With a smile that could brighten the darkest space. Her soft, pretty smile, a radiant delight, Like a sunbeam breaking through the darkest night. Her hair, like tendrils of love's sweet art, Curls into little hearts, a work of the heart. In the gentlest light, her features gleam, A vision of beauty, a celestial dream. The corners of her eyes, they gently crease, When she smiles, all the world finds its peace. A demigod of love, she truly embodies, Aphrodite's daughter, in whom love resides. Piper McLean, a goddess in mortal guise, With a heart so warm, and beauty that never dies.

#pjo #hoo #toa #percy jackson #thalia grace #tsats #heros of olympus #annabeth chase #piper mclean #jason grace #Annabeth writing #she's so sweet #i love her

[angelsandarsenic]

The more I think about it, the more I realize how much there is to question about the genloss finale

Here's my theory

So someone tagged this on a post I made about Ranboo bowing at the end (this post)

and it made me think—"well hang on, supposedly Ranboo had broken free of Showfall Media’s control?" Except he didn’t! Because Hetch (hedge??? Hatchet?? I’m sorry I didn’t catch the name) wasn’t actually a good guy! Or on the other hand, maybe he was at first, but then Showfall put him under their control, but I highly doubt that one, given his presence in the mall and all his cryptic nonsense. He was super sketch from the beginning, I don’t even need to explain how, y'all know.

So then that begs the question: what’s going on with Ranboo? The mask is still on, the wires and the Showfall media bit in the back are still connected (and Hetch convinced them not to take it off and admitted he had some sort of control over it) but they more or less seem to be acting of free will? But at the same time, there were those moments that didn’t quite make sense; primarily, as I mentioned in the post before, Ranboo bowing at the end, but also when his whole demeanor shifted and he stabbed the guy. Finally, even after spending the entire episode angsting about his friends dying and not being able to save them, he simply stood and watched Charlie get mauled by the security beast—not even reacting. I suspect that since Showfall has no qualms about killing people in the first place, the entire premise of the gore filter and Ranboo discovering the truth was planned, the entire thing is an entertainment show (like irl). I think for the sake of it, they turned off his mask, or it did get damaged when The Puzzler shocked him, so plenty of the third episode is his own actions, but I think Showfall is still in control. I’m honestly not sure if Ranboo listening to the viewers or putting in his own code to the computer was part of that script, but I doubt it would have mattered.

Here’s the specifics:

I think Showfall Media is having trouble controlling their people. I won't speculate whether Showfall is aliens, demons or whatever, but we know that it's not human and specifically that it's still having trouble imitating human life. (Dear gods, isn't that creepy? I funcking love it).

As we've seen, the Filter is breaking more and more throughout the episodes. In the very beginning, Ranboo wakes up in the cabin and the mask isn't on. They don't know where they are, they're distressed, and they try to take the mask off. It isn't until the jar breaks and Ranboo is investigating the ashes that it turns on. I've been incredibly puzzled with why Showfall would turn the mask on then and why Ranboo would have such an upset reaction to it, but after seeing the finale, I think that Showfall was afraid Ranboo would remember something and realize what was going on too soon. Since they can supposedly reanimate people, "rewire, rescript" them and we saw with the tapes at the end (and I think Ranboo said) that there are prequels to the Social Experiments, I bet the ashes belong to someone who died in the episode right before. Then, when the mask turned on, Ranboo remembered the feeling of them getting in his head and panicked. Unfortunately, it was too late.

Right after that, they became the perfect scripted character. The next part that I want to mention, I thought was strange even before the second or third episode came out. It's when Charlie says "Uh oh! I think our contestant is running out of slime! I mean slime- I mean slime-". It reminded me of a skipping record and you can see his smile falling and getting slightly more distressed the more he says it. Because this is where Charlie is supposedly talking to the cameras, I think that lead him to start to remember/realize the truth, but the Filter kept him from saying it, and since this is the very beginning of a new show, the characters have just been "rewired" so their brains are as under Showfall's control as they can be. After that episode, there were no more shots of anyone talking to the cameras.

In the transition to the next episode and when Ranboo wakes up in the chair, the mask is still glowing. It flickers a little bit, but ultimately stays on, and being freaked out when you wake up tied to a chair in a warehouse is a completely normal reaction. I think it was when the Puzzler shocked him though, that the mask started to actually glitch and break. Specifically, the Puzzler insisted on zapping Ranboo anyway, with enough power to knock them out for a minute, and we saw the mask light flash and turn off, and Ranboo said his brain felt a little fried and foggy. Afterward, Puzzler insisted that he didn't mean to do that much, honest.

The Puzzler was a human, just like everyone else in the cast. Whenever he had his mask, however, he was holding it up and away from his face, which I thought was strange, why do that? Of course, the Puzzler is just a strange guy, but he was surprisingly helpful along the way; his puzzles didn't have any real consequences that people didn't almost directly walk into and he even let Sneeg go when he said he needed go to the bathroom. That could of course be chalked up to comedy, or Showfall not understanding humans, but Showfall is smarter than to let them go simply because someone said to. (I won't get into all the little things the Puzzler did and said, or all the glitches/inconsistencies, this will be long enough as is, but oooh there's so much to dissect). I think the Puzzler was Aware and trying to help Ranboo, while staying under cover so he wouldn't get found out. At the end, he even says "I've been doing this for over thirty years, this group is by far the most unbelievable--you fucked up the whole thing!" Because he's aware and he made it so easy for them!

Before you come at me saying "oh but Angel, everyone DIED" LISTEN--the Puzzler gave them very obvious and plain notes saying "DON'T PRESS THIS BUTTON" and "NOT HERE" with arrows pointing to the right stuff. Sure he was supposed to be the Puzzler, so it would be reasonable to assume they were tricks, but everything he'd shown up until that point was just as much of a flop as if they were legit (which they were). Meanwhile, Squiggles is in the corner saying "ooh a button you should press it" and other such stuff. As for Nikki, yeah that one sucked. As the Puzzler said though, he wasn't expecting her to come in there and said he felt bad. After seeing what happened to Sneeg, I bet he was afraid the Showfall goons were coming for him and got spooked and shot too soon. Why would he have been hiding anyway? Furthermore, he released everyone on the carousel sooner or later even though they were supposed to die.

When the Puzzler blows up at the end, he didn't get revived. Showfall revived Charlie at least three times, Sneeg like- twice, and if they can do that so easily, then it's no wonder that they're so chill about killing off their characters. So why didn't the Puzzler come back? When Ranboo and Charlie found his little memorial thing, they were sorry for him, they didn't view him as a Showfall puppet even though he was one of the game masters. More importantly though, is that on Puzzler's memorial is a giant sign that said "TERMINATED". Terminated is intentional, Showfall Media killed the Puzzler, because they realized he wasn't under their control.

I think they also killed Sneeg permanently too. He was more aware than anyone else right before he ran, I think, which is why he ran and struggled so much. He also kept coming back to awareness multiple times, such as when the Puzzler put the hat on his head, backward and covered in gore. Running away during a livestream forced Showfall to restrain and mask him again on screen, so they couldn't have that happening again, then Sneeg interfered with the final puzzle. He seemed very mind controlled through the whole rest of the episode, but someone pointed out that in the final part with the wall, Sneeg held Austin back, not because Showfall wanted them to succeed, but because if Austin kept pushing and panicking, they would all get crushed. It also makes sense that if he knew he'd been through this all several times, then he knew he'd be reset when he died.

We're almost at the end, I promise. If you've stuck around this long, great job, I hope it wasn't too chaotic. Anyway, all of this to say that

Showfall is still figuring out how to control humans. In fact, I think their control is flimsy and relies on the Filter to work. Hetch said that Ranboo passed a test or something, so it wasn't all scripted and planned, plus people keep breaking out of the control. On the other hand, the masked "employees" (robots?? they're filled with wires) are completely controlled and only imitating people.

The way they control people is most effective with masks, but if you break the illusion that everything is fine, they'll wake up. That's why the Filter is so important and it's a problem when it glitches. That's also why all the streamers had their little setups in the mall that looked like their actual offices/rooms and why Charlie, unlike Puzzler, didn't have a mask, but supposedly his set was the cabin where he grew up.

Showfall needs the mask to control Ranboo (and it was broken in the last scenes (how did that happen?? can it still work??)) but he was still under their control for the entirety of episode 3. They may have killed him, but he'd not dead. Side theory— using the mask versus not having a mask for everyone else, while obviously a way to keep Ranboo’s identity a secret, it might canonically end up attached to his face. What if he’s already becoming one of the robopeople?? We saw their skin underneath, but there are all these wire and the control thing attached to the base of his skull and it’s controlling his brain. What if he becomes a monster or on the flip side, terribly injured when he ever takes it off

Ok so what's the deal with Hetch?

Even when he's "helping" Ranboo, he always tried to convince them to just keep going, don't resist, and trust him. Even when Showfall's control is supposedly glitching, Squiggles is on screen, which I found strange, and Hetch's help is never helpful. Hetch says at the end of the Spirit of the Cabin that Ranboo "made it to episode two", implying that he's well aware of what Showfall is putting on (which isn't the same way he presented in the finale), then even saying "I hope you're good at puzzles".

This, combined with Hetch's lackluster attempts to "help" Ranboo in the finale and him convincing them to keep the mask on and not leave, then faking his death, all strongly support the idea that Hetch is a Showfall Media "employee" (The Founder???) who is trying to manipulate Ranboo whenever the mask starts failing and they start waking up. Then of course, the end of the finale proves Hetch was evil all along.

Everything we've seen so far is a big experiment for Showfall Media, but what is it all for? Are they gonna take over the world??? Guess we'll just have to find out.

#Ranboolive #generation loss #genloss theory #genloss spoilers #generation loss finale #generation loss ep1 #generation loss episode 2 #Showfall media #Angel rambles #sneegsnag #charlie slimecicle

[giovanni-solos]

My solution to absolutely everything that troubles me late at night is to yell to the rooftops about whatever has my interest, be it yapping off in my brain or reaching out to my bros. But tonight I decided “here we go I’m giving up my wack ass AU to Tumblr” as my coping skill.

It’s an age swap au mostly centered around DazAtsu (this is your cue to leave if your not here for that) and the 18 Dazai navigating through grief and life in the agency, along side his strange growing feelings towards Atsushi that he just can’t seem to name. the way I see it is that since him and Atsushi have swapped ages, it’s either his past would have taken place much earlier or he would have just skipped the years in hiding and gone straight to the other side like Oda had wished of him.

I’ve actually had two fanfictions written for it so far that have almost NOTHING to do with adjusting to his life because of inconsistency but I will still post the first one as well as the second one hoping I didn’t just copy paste the same exact link twice. Funny story I actually came up with this thanks to taking part in the 2023 DazAtsu week over on twitter before I deleted the app and account, it came with a art piece I’ve featured previously on here, those are (kind of) their designs but those aren’t the updated ones. God now that I’m thinking about it I’ve been cooking this up for MONTHS and haven’t said or done much of anything on it publicly.

Actually while I’m on my tangent here is the doodles, showcasing them mostly

The next one is an unfinished piece I made for them

I leave a lot of things unfinished in terms of both art and writing. But, without further adeiu here’s some little facts I managed to keep bouncing in my pinball machine of a brain:

• Dazai had been in contact with Ranpo after Oda’s death and received an offer to become a detective. While waiting by the iconic river for who he thought was Ranpo intrusive thoughts struck him and he jumped into the water. Atsushi fished him out and gave him his coat.

• he’s been stealing that damn huge coat any chance he gets ever since

• Dazai had one of Oda’s shirts, it became a source of comfort after his friend’s death to the point he just hardly took it off.

• Atsushi’s attire, though hardly professional is actually acceptable considering what his ability does to clothes.

• Yosano, Dazai, and Kyouka all share a close somewhat familial bond over their dealings with the port mafia and Mori. Yosano also has a spare key to Dazai’s dorm incase he relapses.

• Dazai still cannot cook for shit no matter how people try to teach him, not even his mentor crush Atsushi is successful in doing so.

• Dazai always feels intimidated by Fukuzawa, and tries his hardest to avoid eye contact with him afraid he’ll disrespect him.

• the dynamics of skk and sskk are mostly unchanged other than sskk being both wiser between themselves, and skk being two feral little shits that need to be put in cages.

not sure if I mentioned Chuuya and Akutagawa being swapped like Dazai and Atsushi. Oops.

Look at that you got to the end, feels good? Bad? Well you got here anyways. I quite enjoyed rambling to the walls of my enclosure hoping to be given a piece of cheese, I actually forgot about my stresses for a moment whilst i ran to go grab my sketches. ‘Twas nice, happy holidays you crazy people who decided to read this post.

#bungou stray dogs #dazatsu #bsd #dazai osamu #atsushi nakajima #bungo stray dogs #bsd atsushi #bsd dazai #age swap au #dontknowwhattocallitbutilikeit au #this is a mess #I like it messy #this was fun #I should ramble more often like this lmao

[lhenn]

Karina

This is Karina’s story, a story of how she grew up in the cellars of a theatre, surrounded by music and dreaming of sharing it with the world, of how she made two friends (a sad ballerina and a rat), of how she has learnt from her teacher everything she’s ever known, asking half the questions she yearns to learn and receiving half the answers she expects, suspecting this mysterious and distant man, yet so familiar to her, keeps a lot of secrets within. But he’s always been honest with her, always taken care of her, given her everything she’s ever wished for, has he not? There were only a few rules she had to adhere to, so as to keep everything the way it had always been: she should take care of herself and not get hurt, never leave their place, never talk with people and never mention their names nor where they live. But the days are long and lonely for her, especially as she grows up, head full of dreams and nothing new left to try: little adventures to the theatre should be fine as long as no one finds out… right? Or so she thought during the eight years she spent sneaking into the theatre when Erik wasn’t watching her (or was he?). Until one day, Karina’s reality is shattered after her professor suddenly disappeared, forcing her to leave the lair and venture into the outside world, and it won’t take her long to discover that half the things Erik had taught her were a lie…

A bit of context

I’ll be posting bits of Karina’s backstory (my OC). She’s the D&D character I’m currently playing; developing her backstory and finding a fitting campaign has taken me almost two years! Sometimes it feels like an awful lot, thinking my first D&D OC Kaze’s backstory took me around 7 months to complete, but then I think about Lhena, my first ever OC, whose story is still under development after 8 years, and it feels so short (I like writing, so I craft PDFs -like, kinda long PDFs? More than 100 pages- to practice).

I’ve had three main inspirations (although they have kinda turned out to be 4 in the end, I won’t name the last one until it’s shown in the story): Phantom of the opera (mainly musical, both 2004 film and stage versions, there might be some nods to Leroux’s original novel though), Disney’s Tangled and the 1986 film Labyrinth.

The main reference is poto, it’s present everywhere, and yet it isn’t. I didn’t want to know what was going to happen next following Karina’s backstory, I never intended to do a retelling, so even though there are many similarities this is not Phantom of the opera, it will not be canon compliant nor follow the story.

Having said that, Karina is 18 yo as of now. She’s a genius when it comes to arts, her abilities will be shown along the story, I don't wish to spoil anything, although you can deduce that she, at least, possesses an unearthly, angelic voice. Almost all her knowledge she owes to her mysterious teacher… You might have already guessed, or maybe not, but Karina is the result of mixing Christine and Erik’s characters. In my opinion, this adds a fantastic turn of events and a very interesting divergence from poto (Erik’s character is still present -kind of).

Speaking about the campaign, we’re playing in a post-apocalyptic setting! A world where people live either behind walls or in small communities -tribes- fighting machines… (you can picture Horizon and The 100 to get an idea). But that’s a tale ought to tell in a different moment, taking place far away from where we are, a tale little Karina does not even dream about, shielded by music in the deep underground.

Most of my drawings are sketches, and I'm not fooling myself, I'm a disorganized student and I don't know when or if I'll finish them (although I want to and I plan to). The one above is Karina during last session. Her hair's a bit messed up because there was a combat (Such a thrilling third day outside!) and, as the party has claimed: «she technically is still alive» (and I don't know how to draw hair). I also don't know how to draw consistent faces, I'm trying :')

#oc #oc art #my ocs #K the phantom #my art #my writing #blog intro #my doodles #dnd art #dnd character #dnd oc #original character #erik makes an appearance #(mentioned) #phantom of the opera #the phantom of the opera #but with a spin #to be continued #lhen art

[loz-untold-myths]

UNTOLD MYTHS

A collection of Legend of Zelda fanprojects (stories, art, hypothetical game mechanics). Expand for info + links to first chapters of storylines. (AO3)

About:

Untold Myths is a blog for me to post all sorts of my little LoZ-related ideas just to get used to that sort of thing. There's so many of them that I couldn't name the blog after just one, so I made a collective name for the group of ideas I'll be showing here.

This fun little "project", if you could call it that, is sort of like a practice run for actual game making in the future. It's also a way for me to share the same fan made LoZ iterations I've been drawing for quite some time. Some of them are connected in certain ways, some not.

Some stories will be longer than others.

If you aren't one of those people obsessed with the Zelda timeline, that's fine! That isn't a main focus here. If you are, then I will specify that Untold Myths features stories based all over the place. Some are in the same general continuities as the games, having had similar events play out (although not always exactly the same), and others are alternative timelines from the very beginning.

Background:

For the last three years or so, I've really gotten into making games. And given I've always loved The Legend of Zelda, it was only inevitable that these two obsessions would converge at one point. I have been sketching and writing out ideas for little LoZ fan games for a while now, and I am finally ready to post some of them!

That being said, some ideas (I really gotta find a better word for them since they're fan games but I likely won't ever actually program them or share them because Nintendo might not appreciate that) are more developed than others, but they'll all have names to differentiate their stories and such.

What you'll see:

Concepts for hypothetical LoZ fangames or comics.

Doodles, sketches, character art, etc of said ideas.

Small writings or comics relating to these ideas.

Theoretical game mechanics for the fun of it.

Tons of LoZ AUs or ATs, basically. I really like making character-driven stuff or whatever is fun to draw.

For anyone who is a fan of Zelink or just ships in general, there's... Going to be a lot (but I try not to make it overtake actual plot or character elements).

Whatever other nonsense comes to mind at like 3 AM.

If there are any questions, the asks are open to be answered at any time! There is also a Discord server. If you would like an invitation, DM @nocturnalfandomartist.

(I may edit this post as questions come up).

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Untold Myths:

Most have yet to release but are in progress! The majority will feature both art and stories, but some may just be one or the other. This could always change. MASTER POSTS IN PROGRESS!!!

The Mage's Lantern (Story + Art) Ao3/Tumblr

Hyrule has been cursed with eternal storms by a vengeful mage. A young boy follows a familiar voice to a spirit who may just be able to help him, and they join Princess Zelda in a quest to save her father.

Stone Fate (Story + Art) Ao3

Master Post

Two children are raised in New Haven, a sanctuary hidden beyond the mist of Lost Woods. One is raised by the children of the forest, and the other by lights who tend to keep their distance. When the childhood friends find that their home is threatened by one who has breached the mystical barrier of the forest, they must take action; and risk losing everything they have ever known.

Master Post

Falling Into Place (SF Pre-Story) Ao3/Tumblr

A collection of short stories that take place before Stone Fate.

Fable of Hyrule (Art) Tumblr

Original Announcement Post

The Dark World (Comic + Art) Tumblr

Princess Zelda follows her brother to a forbidden site, where the evil spirits of the world were sealed 1,000 years ago. Upon her arrival, there is a crack in the seal that allows a malicious creature to drag her in. Left in the unknown with only more questions than answers, Zelda must navigate The Dark World: a realm beyond time where every being in sight wants her dead.

Original Halloween Announcement Post

Low-quality practice sketches

Sages of Hyrule (Art)

Original Announcement Post

Original Dore and Mekar Intro

Story Concept Art (1)

Link and Dore

The Echoes of Hyrule (Art)

Original Idea Concept Art

Will of the Spirit

First-Posted Concept Art

Wilting Heart

The Dream Spinner

(Stories without links still have their Chapter 1 in progress).

Misc

New Designs (1)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Tag Navigation (WIP)

#loz untold myths

#untold myths worldbuilding

#untold myths game concept

#loz untold myths #Untold Myths #the legend of zelda #tloz #loz #legend of zelda #zelda fic #zelda au #legend of zelda au #zelda fandom #zelda fanfiction #zelda fan game #zelda fanart #loz fanart #loz fic #loz fanfic #loz fanfiction #loz au #tloz au #loz fandom #zelda #fanart #loz fan comic #zelda comic #fan concept #zelink #zelda design #loz designs #fanfic #tloz fic

[overthinkingtaleblr]

Here’s how the League of Legends AU thoughts are going I’m drawing ✨Cosmetics✨ for no reason

That sounds bitter but I’m actually having so much fun. Based on how the story works. he Should be getting hit with the Ruined cosmetic from the pirate cosmetic, but I’m trying to properly define his style and general design bible before I do anything like that. I guess it’s kind of like voicing a character who is making an impression of another character: you need a good understanding of both before you do that.

Yellow guy in first picture is Light Zeron bc i like thinking about that time someone said they should be friends… honestly if any of my character designs needs a design bible its him because I promise he has distinct characteristics it’s just kinda hard to notice when i don’t use color and chose to say he has a variety of things he wears and uses hair dye and stuff— but I promise there is Some method Somewhere in the madness ^^

For people who missed my initial post here’s an explanation of the skins:

The pirate skins take place in a place called Bilgewater— its where the pirates all are— and at some point there’s a whole event that takes place there, where a bunch of characters across the map go ooh being a pirate sounds fun and get funky new styles and a story to boot. Gavin, specifically, would be going to Bilgewater with Light because the duo are traveling together as friends from the same region (Piltover/Zaun) and probably because they’re wanted for Some crimes. Gavin has powers over something called the Harrowing from Piltovians playing god, and Light follows Janna, a wind spirit who protects Zaun’s harbors from pollution, and has managed to get some powers over the wind from it. Together, they realize they’d be valuable to have on a ship that needs to go past the Black Mist— dark clouds surrounding what was formerly known as the Blessed Isles that contain very murderous souls (the Harrowing is an event where the clouds periodically expand over usually Bilgewater, since its closest, and it wreaks Havoc). Together they get on the good graces of a captain and get a job on her ship using paths through the black mist to get merchants and travelers to places faster than others, with light at the helm and Gavin at the front of the ship.

At some point not too long after they start, the spirits within the mist get restless and suddenly lashes out against the ship. Some manage to escape, but being so close to the front of the ship and being highkey completely exposed, Gavin is not one of them. The dude who basically acts as the leader of the black mist, Viego, realizes how useful of an asset someone who can control the Black Mist would be, considering Viego has a goal to basically conquer the entire map. So, Gavin becomes the first “Ruined” character of the Ruined King/Sentinels of Light event, where the black mist inexplicably spreads across the entire map— leading to several characters getting borderline possessed by Viego. Genuinely, I don’t think any explanation was given as to why the mist was suddenly able to expand across the entire map, so being able to add a character who retroactively explains that part of the story works for me. Plus, the Ruined skins has themes with royalty, which I think is fun for Gavin :] Everyone in this skinline Should have an equal and opposite in the Sentinels skinline from a similar place, but my style ideas for Light doesn’t work with the Sentinals theme. Ideas include Toast, leading to brotherly reconciliation, and Poppy, who I have as the captain of the ship who was able to escape because she is immune to the Black Mist.

That’s everything I find important to say for now? But these are the design sketches and I like them.

#taleblr #Gavin toast #light Zeron #Taleblr doodles #taleblr pie #he still has the scar in the pirate skin I just never drew him at a good angle to see it ^^;

[ethereal-faeri]

boo! bitch i'm a ghost 👻 [act 2]

♡⃕   plus (1) ultra, izuku!

act 2 series masterlist | navigation 

— ten years after, y/n l/n is finally returning to japan. and ten years after midoriya izuku ghosted her. uraraka is guilty, bakugou is expectant, and well, their friends are just waiting for the awkwardness to subside. will there ever be a chance for the two?

♡⃕  chapter warnings — cursing, lol... angst if you squint but otherwise fluff

♡⃕  author’s note — ... im back ?? ASHDHDASH but not really ASDKJAHD i plan to finish all the chapters left for bbiag before updating again so i could post on a more stable schedule aksjhjskdh this is just a special chapter because it is izuku's birthday !

reminder ! this is set, maybe, when they were 2nd years. This is not post act 2, instead it's kinda like before the timeskip in the last chapters of bbiag act 1 so be mindful of that HSDHDASHA

♡⃕  taglist. OPEN ; send an ask or reply to this post to be added! [bold cannot be tagged] @tsumushima @zoppzoop @lumpiang-toge @yumeyooa @starlessnyx @ugh-tsumu @mellowknightcolorfarm @nikey-thee-shue @shotoful @aizameow 

taglist continued in the reblogs!

"where are we going, y/n?" the green-haired boy said, walking beside you as you both went outside UA. he could see the bag you were carrying but it was impossible to see what was inside. you simply grinned at him as you pulled his hand to a bus stop, just near UA.

"it's a secret!" you said as you bound the bus. you sat just near the back, beside the window and midoriya beside you. it has been a year since you both started in UA and you both were as close as ever. it's still quite awkward when your friend groups tease you both, but you learned to ignore it just as midoriya does because he will never see you that way ever because who tf are yo

okay, what. you sighed, eyes narrowing at the right earphone being given to you. you looked at midoriya who grinned, pointing at his phone which has his spotify playlist open. you smiled back, accepting the earphone and putting it in your left ear.

the past few months with midoriya constantly reminding everyone how you two were just friends, though you couldn't madmit to anyone, definitely sucked. like, what would you feel if your crush, albeit just a happy crush, vehemently denies the possibility of you two. sucks, right? but then again, you were just kind of glad that you didn't lose him. he's one of your closest friends, aside from katsuki, so losing him over such silly thing, is just…going to hurt.

hm. maybe you'll confess soon, before graduation maybe? but for now, you're going to enjoy everything he could offer to you, kinda stupid but what are you going to lose? your thoughts stopped when you realize the next stop was your stop and so, turning to midoriya, you motioned to take the earphones off.

"what is it, y/n?"

"we're almost there, next stop. get ready!"

you pressed the button for the next stop and he got off, offering his hand to help you down. he offered to carry the bag, to which you gladly allowed, because you knew him, he would not stop unless you gave it to him. you hooked your arm in his, a gesture you were both not new with as you did it even as a child, and walked to the park.

midoriya was curious, what were you guys doing at the park? his eyes lit up when you took the bag from him, taking out a blanket and putting it on the ground. "a picnic?"

"why not? we haven't done this since we were kids and we were with our parents, no less."

he chuckled. "that's true. well, then, i guess we'll enjoy the cool breeze, then."

you beamed, taking out a few items. "good! here are a few pens and paper, i know you wouldn't be able to sit still for a long time, so."

he grinned, taking them and thanking you. you were beside him, sketching a few things and writing things down. he did the same, with occasional muttering in his case. close to lunch time, you got out your bag again, taking a few bento boxes and a lunch box cake as well.

you checked the bento boxes, giving midoriya his and the lunch box cake was placed between you two. midoriya's jaw dropped, seeing the cutest box in his hands with his favorite, katsudon!

the lunch box cake in itself was cute, although a bit sloppy in design, but it was really cute and thoughtful as it said, "plus (1) ultra, izuku!"

"hehe, sato helped me bake it but i designed it myself! it was really hard, as you can probably tell, but i hope you like it!"

he had a watery smile when he turned to you, saying, "thank you, y/n."

you grinned, telling him to dig in which he did. you both sat in silence, watching nature as you ate. then, getting a lighter and a candle, midoriya blew his cake after he wished. you snapped a few pictures, uploading them.

a few hours after, you were now at the cinema as you purchased tickets for a rather new hero movie you knew midoriya was planning to watch. he was quick to buy the food and drinks, throwing you a pointed look when you tried to argue.

you sat in the middle, glad that you were able to snag good seats. midoriya couldn't help but look at you every once and in a while, though you didn't notice, completely engrossed in the movie. he couldn't help but notice your features, face burning as he tried to focus on the movie once more. no, this shouldn't happen. you were his best friend. he likes someone else. why the hell is he thinking about looking at you instead? fuck.

he didn't notice the movie was done until you were standing and looking at him, concerned. "you okay, izu? we need to go back, your friends are probably waiting for you."

"ah yeah, let's go." he grinned, standing up. he let you lead the conversation as you ranted about the villain in the movie and raved about the hero and basically, the movie he really didn't understand much, save for a few scenes when he was able to focus. he was glad you didn't really saw him being distracted, because he doubt he could lie to you.

once back in the dorms, you turned to him, grinning. "thank you for accompanying me, izu! i hope you had fun! here's your gift, by the way! please open it later!"

his eyes were wide, the things you did weren't your gifts…? he smiled, pulling you into a hug. he hoped you didn't hear his wild heart. "thank you so much, y/n. i enjoyed today, thank you!"

you beamed, patting his shoulder after you separated. "i'm glad! now go! they're waiting. happy birthday, izu!"

he grinned, his smile was so cute, you thought as you tried to still your beating heart. you walked to the sofa where the bakugou and the others were, smiling as they (except bakugou who mumbled) greeted izuku who waved as he walked to the elevator. you waved to him, saying goodbye.

once the elevator doors closed, he slumped against the back, holding a hand to his heart. yeah, this cannot be good. no matter, he's sure this isn't gonna last long. (he's kinda right and wrong…)

yep...definitely right and wrong.

© ethereal-faeri ; do not modify or reupload anywhere else but reblogs are always appreciated!

#[boo! bitch i'm a ghost 👻] #midoriya #midoriya izuku #midoriya izuku x reader #midoriya izuku imagines #midoriya smau #midoriya fake texts #midoriya x you #bakugou x reader #angst #hurt/comfort #bnha #bnha fanfiction #bnha imagines #bnha smau #bnha social media au #mha smau #mha #mha imagines #bnha angst #mha angst #smau #social media au #bnha fake texts #mha fake texts #fake texts #bakugou imagines #bakugou smau #hitoshi shinsou #shinsou x reader

[wtl-archive]

Det er mærkeligt. Jeg har gået over de nye logs i dag, og jeg fandt denne mærkelig besked: [ User Pink Diamond has logged on. ] Og det er fra Tiffany’s Coms Prism. Det er en række andre ting some denne “Pink Diamond” bruger har gjort sig, såsom at see igennem Tiff’s logs. Hmmm… der eksisterer ikke nogen Pink Diamond her, men jeg ved at der helt klart er nogen ude der. Jeg… Jeg håber bare at det ikke er ham. Der er mange andre det kunne være, siden der er adskillige timelines derude der har deres egen Pink Diamond eller hybrider. Men Tiffany ville ikke bare overrække sin Prism like that. Denne Coms Prism er muligvis kompromitteret. Jeg venter lige på om Tiffany logger på igen eller skrive tilbage just in case, men hvis ikke, så bliver jeg nødt til at blokere linjen til denne Line. 

Intermission 09 - Discontinuity

Read all the pages in order here.

Blog Info

Artist Credit: NugatorySheep (lines/colors) || hugthesquids (sketches/layout/colors)

Writer Credit: hugthesquids

✨Oh emm gee, it's the other bastard that's ruined my life! ✨

Mmm. But, before I go down that depression pit, let's cover the details of this part of the AU.

First things first, as mentioned in the previous tags, I do not speak Danish. I have the translations for all the entries, but to dig them up requires I go through pages and pages of pain and I've tortured myself enough by even uploading this archive. So, ya'll just gon' have to deal with Google Translate. It's not too bad with translating these but there's some jank for sure. For this log specifically though, you won't need to translate anything as it's just a word for word repeat of what Sven says above.

This intermission happens a few hours after Prime Steven and Connie read through the leftover logs in Intermission 01: Tiffany Stone's Log, as you can see by the user record in the first page, making it one of the few intermissions we planned to post that showed an event that happened earlier in the story then when the reader is seeing it. The other five being for Druid (Intermissions 02, 04, 05, and 06) or for Soda Lime (Intermission XXX - A Crack In Time). Don't worry, we'll get to Soda...

The nature of Druid's meant that most of his were always going to be set in the past, but for the most part, intermissions were usually meant to take place in-universe at around the same time followers of the blog would see them. All that being said, it was important that anyone reading would be able to understand when these events were taking place, and given that a lot people seemed to forget the first intermission existed (I guess reading is too hard...?) spelling it out clearly here was a must.

Secondly... I do really like how these pages turned out. There was some... rough patches getting them done. I got a little excited and basically steamrolled the creation of them after I was shown the sketches and it wasn't the first time I got too invested in something and just breezed through it, only to realize that I jumped the gun and didn't give much room for outside input. Hyperfixations are a helluva drug. In hindsight I should've slowed down. But... hiccups aside... I was proud of the art I helped create. I thought it was spectacular. Now I can't look at it without feeling dread. Hmmph. Anyway.

Lastly, the logs were initially posted around April Fools, with this log being posted on Sven's canonical birthday, April 7th. (I chose that date 'cause two of my friends were born on the 7th of April and April's birthstone is Diamond. Felt fitting). The idea was that the first post, being written in Danish and when translated seemed to be completely random and mundane, would be taken as an April Fool's joke by readers, only for this to be posted on the 7th and make it clear that no, it's not a joke and this is all Very Serious Business.

Thing is... Sven was not originally planned to appear this early on in the AU. Not that I have an issue with it, it was just something that got pushed to be sooner, mostly because, like Druid, Sven became a favorite of a lot of people in the WTL Discord server. Me included...

I know that for ages people exclusively associated me with Druid, but that's only because for the longest fucking time he was the only character I could post about publicly without spoiling the entire plot. But this bitch? This motherfucker right here? He's the other half of the equation. I assure you that for all of my obsessing over that old man, this coffee addicted teenager was sitting on the sidelines stalking my bitch ass like a fucking hawk.

I love this kid. I despise him. I want to give him the biggest hug and I want knock his brain out with a fucking hammer. I look at him and feel purest joy and the deepest regrets. For every part of me that adores him, another part wants to tear him to shreds.

I have a lot of Feelings about this child, alright?

I have a lot of Feelings about his co-creator too.

Maybe one day it won't bother me so much.

There's so much about Sven that just makes him feel obnoxiously important to me. Which, y'know, weird thing to say about an alternate universe version of a fictional character. I mean, for all intents and purposes Sven is like... a hop, skip and a jump away from being an OC. He's designed to be the polar opposite of his canon counterpart, but I think that's why I resonate with him so much...

Steven is a character I love, but he's not one I can fully relate to since his personality isn't much like mine. But Sven? He's the most similar to me out of the Core Six by far. At least, when *I* write him he is. (Even though most people seem to think I'm more like Druid... I think my online persona leans a little more towards him, but offline? Not so much).

As the AU progressed and ideas got added Sven kinda slipped away from me. If I realized how differently he was in my head vs how he was in everyone else's I don't think I would've let it go so far. Fact of the matter is... there's always been two versions of him and I was just too stupid to notice. And I got so frustrated with being told that I wasn't doing enough despite trying my best that I just decided it would be better if he wasn't my problem anymore. What was the point in stressing myself over something that was never mine to begin with?

I keep looking back and wondering what would've happened if I did things differently. If I never talked to X person, posted Y thing, asked Z question... If I went back in time, with the knowledge I have now, could I change the outcome?

I should've said no.

#chapter two #story post #walk the line #walktheline au #steven universe #su #intermission #au/niverse #the mirror line #ech. rambled too hard on this post. whatever. #comic page #old wtl content

[heroinejinx]

‘I’m nothing if not self-aware.’ - Advices and Vices, part 4 of ? (CaitJinx Modern AU)

AO3 link

Okay, this chapter got a bit dark, and you should probably expect things to get darker before they can improve :( 

TW: mature content - themes of BPD & complex PTSD, explicit drug use

(4,237 words)

Doctor Heimerdinger’s office had changed drastically in the time that Jinx had been his patient. She liked to round off each session by gifting him a little drawing, usually scribbled in biro while she waffled out a stream of consciousness and he listened attentively. It had become a ritual of sorts. The wall behind his tweed armchair, in which he sat every time, transformed from a bland, blank slate, to a glorious smorgasbord of silly sketches. She looked upon them with pride. Each doodle held a memory. Like the one of him as a fluffy Pomeranian-human-hybrid, the one that started it all. She just couldn’t help it; his short stature and excessive facial hair sent her imagination into overdrive.

Plus, after their first few sessions, she realised she couldn’t talk about anything of substance without the distraction. He accepted it for what it was and allowed her to continue uninhibited.

Most other professionals she’d seen over the years weren’t so kind. In fact, they’d all given up on her after just a few weeks. People with her particular concoction of issues rarely lasted in therapy, but Heimy was a little trooper. It made him precious to her. Made her feel understood. Fortnight after fortnight, she spewed out the darkest, ugliest parts of her, and thanks to him, she barely felt self-conscious about it anymore.

The Caitlyn thing, though… that had proven trickier to navigate.

‘How are you today, Jinx?’ Heimerdinger enquired as they both made themselves comfortable.

His moustache flopped when he spoke, and she held back a giggle.

He asked the same thing in the same tone every time; this outwardly banal question with layers of inner meaning. The predictability of it eased her into the session, like dipping her toes into a hot bath before submerging her body. Another ritual of theirs, she supposed.

Did he have the same approach with his other patients, the same ritual, or did he switch up depending on the vibe of the individual? Asking him would’ve crossed a line, but she often wondered.

There were tonnes of questions she wished she could ask him, but patients weren’t supposed to form those kinds of attachments. He wasn’t there as a friend. He wasn’t meant to matter to her as much as he did.

‘Scale of one to ten?’ He prompted.

‘Uhhh…’ She weighed her answer carefully. ‘Like, a five.’

‘A five?’ He arched a bushy brow and jotted something down in his notebook. ‘Why’s that?’

‘It’s an average day for me, I guess,’ she said. ‘Not really feeling one way or the other, just… slap bang in the middle.’

‘Well, that’s a positive step,’ he replied. ‘One up from last week’s four.’

‘Yep,’ she grinned.

‘What’s changed over these past two weeks that might’ve balanced things out for you?’

‘I dunno,’ she said. ‘I guess I just, um… I’m still numb, but I guess I’m used to it now, y’know?’

‘Alright,’ he said. ‘Talk me through that.’

‘What? The numbness?’

‘Yes, if you please.’

Her hands itched for something to do. She stretched and shook them out, balled them into fists, clicked her knuckles.

‘Here.’ Heimerdinger retrieved a black pen and a stack of multicoloured post-it notes from his desk drawer and handed them to her. ‘Idle hands, as they say.’

‘Thanks,’ she smiled and quickly graced the top post-it with a squiggly line to make sure the pen worked. Success. She had no idea what to draw, but…

‘Do continue when you’re ready,’ he encouraged.

She tore off the ruined post-it and started afresh. Tapped her pen to conjure thought. It cleared her mind a little, enough to speak.

‘I feel nothing,’ she said. ‘But I know it’s not a real nothing. It’s a lie.’

‘A lie?’

‘Yeah,’ she nodded shortly. ‘To stop it hurting when I think about it.’ Every hit of the pen against the paper reverberated in her mind. ‘It’s all I think about.’ She couldn’t even think of what to draw. All she could think about was it. ‘That night. I keep replaying everything that happened… I care, y’know, I just conned myself into believing otherwise. I split.’

‘Why do you think you had a splitting episode, Jinx?’

‘We’ve covered this.’

‘I know,’ he said. ‘But I’m curious to hear today’s answer.’

‘Okay, uh…’ What the fuck could she say on the subject that she hadn’t already? ‘Same as before, I guess. I have this belief, this fear, that people are gonna leave me. Everyone I know. Even you, even though you’re paid to be in my life. It’s not logical, like, at all, but I can’t shake it… I think when Caitlyn and I were, y’know, playing around, it triggered that fear, so I just…’

She shook her head. Ashamed.

‘At the time, a part of me knew what was happening, but I couldn’t stop it. One second, I looked at Caitlyn and I saw this… this dangerously sexy, beautiful woman in my bed… and I adored her. I felt vulnerable with her. Like I could be myself. And the next thing I knew, I couldn’t stand to be around her anymore.’

A frown formed at the memory.

‘The thought, the fear, that I’m a bad person, that I’d be bad for Caitlyn, that being with me would hurt her, it just… I freaked out and devalued the whole thing… to protect myself, I guess, because… Because if I’m so terrible, hurting her is inevitable, right? And if I hurt her, she’ll leave me, and then I’ll get hurt too, so… might as well get there first while it’s in my control.’

‘Hmm… some excellent insight, Jinx,’ Heimerdinger assured.

‘Well, I’m nothing if not self-aware,’ she joked, but it didn’t land.

‘Quite,’ he said. ‘And a different answer from last time, too.’

‘It was?’

‘Absolutely,’ he said. ‘You’ve never described what you experience as fear, nor as illogical, before. Why the change, do you think?’

‘Because it’s stupid,’ she huffed. ‘My brain’s stupid; it’s a clusterfuck. It’s all raw emotion and trauma, constant fear. Nothing fucking logical occurs in here—’ she tapped a finger to her temple— ‘unless it’s engineering-related.’

Heimerdinger gave a short grin. ‘How might a more logical, less intimidating, approach to the situation look for you?’

‘Fuck if I know,’ she said. ‘Caitlyn’s never gonna forgive me for how I treated her, and why should she? I don’t… I don’t think there’s really a situation to go back to.’

‘What if she’s already forgiven you?’

‘Pfft,’ she said. ‘No way; she’s too stubborn for that. Plus, she hasn’t texted or called. Don’t you think she would’ve by now?’

‘Maybe she’s waiting for you to reach out first? To be vulnerable with her again.’

‘Nah,’ Jinx dismissed.

She couldn’t afford to entertain that idea for a second longer than she already had. The thought that one simple sorry could’ve squashed the issue while Caitlyn was still in her bed all those months ago was too much to take.

‘She wants nothing to do with me,’ she insisted. ‘I fucked it up. It’s done.’

‘Well, Jinx,’ Heimerdinger considered, ‘shoe on the other foot, would you forgive her?’

‘I dunno,’ she said. ‘Maybe... if she grovelled.’

With a groan, she dropped her pen and her head fell between her hands.

‘I know what you’re gonna say,’ she chuckled in despair, staring at the minuscule fibres of the neon pink post-it. ‘We’re all worthy of forgiveness, Jinx. Even weird goblins like you. And then, I’ll say, aww, Heimy, that’s so sweet, but we both know I’m a particularly gruesome case.’

Heimerdinger spared a gruff snicker for Jinx’s little show.

‘See, Heimy,’ she dropped the act as she continued. ‘Nobody forgives a Jinx.’

‘I’m not so sure that’s true,’ he countered. ‘Perhaps if you gave Caitlyn the opportunity, the outcome would surprise you.’

‘Yeah. It’d be worse.’

‘You can’t know that Jinx, no one can,’ he said softly. ‘What’s stopping you from finding out, one way or the other?’

‘You’re the therapist; you tell me.’

‘Psychiatrist,’ he corrected.

‘Same diff.’

‘What’s stopping you, Jinx?’ He repeated the question, pressing for a non-sarcastic answer.

‘Duh,’ she huffed. ‘I’m terrified.’

‘What might you lose?’

Nothing. Everything.

‘Or, conversely, what might you stand to gain?’

What might she gain…? What did she even want to gain?

It was pointless. She and Caitlyn would never have worked, not with all their history. Better to write her off as a stranger and get on with her life.

Except, she couldn’t. At all. Three fucking months since their night together and she hadn’t gotten on with a single fucking thing.

‘Relationships are a daunting voyage to embark upon,’ Heimerdinger pondered. ‘There are few things in life more painful than rejection, romantic or otherwise, and yet it’s part of the human experience to pine for such connections… to pine for the things, the people, that have the power to hurt us most.’

‘Ya don’t say, doc,’ she retorted. ‘Maybe I should become a nun, y’know? Embrace an alternative lifestyle… Get all spiritual, or whatever… Could be fun.’

An idea sparked. She picked up her pen and began drawing a cartoon nun in one of those black and white robes with the weird hats. What were those called, again? Winkles?

Wimples!

‘Mm-hmm,’ Heimerdinger hummed and twitched his nose, jotted something else down in his notebook. He always did that. ‘And might this… alternative lifestyle you speak of… simply be another mode of avoidance?’

‘Of fucking course, it is,’ Jinx snorted mid-sketch. ‘But what else am I supposed to do? Join the circus? Go travelling? Always wanted to see Demacia, I guess. Or Ionia, maybe. Could be kinda perfect, actually. I don’t know a soul in Ionia… well, I used to, but he’s probably in an asylum by now.’ She looked up at Heimerdinger and beamed. ‘Whaddaya say, Heimy? Could be a fresh start, right?’

He smiled, unconvinced.

‘Ah, but no…’ She shook her head. ‘They don’t have cuties like you in Ionia, do they?’

‘Jinx—’

‘I know, I know,’ she pouted. ‘It’s inappropriate to call you cute. Sorry.’

‘Apology accepted, thank you,’ he said, a little flustered. ‘But I was also going to remind you that issues like these aren’t so easily outrun. You can’t escape how you feel, Jinx. You need to face it.’

‘Okay, but short of getting wasted every day and moving to Ionia, I don’t know how to do that.’

‘All in good time,’ he assured. ‘You’ll get there if you do the work.’

‘Right. The work…’ She etched droopy brows and an upside-down smile onto the tiny nun. ‘All that fun work.’

‘There’s no rush,’ he said. ‘Most of the effort lies in showing up and talking with me. You’ve made a lot of progress.’

‘I had. Before.’

She scribbled over what she had drawn, turning the nun into a black void.

‘It’s not undone, Jinx. Progress doesn’t disappear after one hurdle.’

 ***

Jinx disappeared from therapy. 

The next fortnight came and went, and she didn’t show up. Nor for the session after that, nor the session after that. If she could’ve forced herself to go, she would’ve, but every time she tried, her body disobeyed.

After that last session, something within her dislodged and burst the dam. The numbness she’d grown accustomed to became infected. It left a raw and gaping wound. She felt everything. Every tiny, torturous thing. She couldn’t confront it, couldn’t stand to talk about it anymore. If not for her daily dose of antipsychotics, she might’ve done something seriously stupid.

She just needed some time. A break from reality.

 Three more months passed.

 Without Heimerdinger, she had no outlet for the pain and guilt she carried around. Not just for the Caitlyn and Vi shit storm she’d created for herself, but for every mistake she’d ever made. Every person she’d ever hurt. There were too many. She couldn’t even name them all.

She sat in her apartment with her countless, nameless ghosts for company. She fed them, and they mutated beneath her skin like the larvae of a botfly, waiting to hatch and tear their way out of her.

She would’ve done anything to make them shut up, to stop feeling them move within her. Anything to get out of her head. Her nerves were fried, her brain a mess of wires she couldn’t untangle. Couldn’t wade through.

The nightmares returned, as did her old habit of supplementing her prescribed medication with shimmer to pick her up, fade to knock her out, and sex with anyone who’d have her. 

Just when she thought she couldn’t feel any worse, her supply of extracurricular drugs ran dry. All she had left was weed. No more potions to help the time pass.

Fuck.

 Antsy for Dustin to arrive with the goods, she trudged down to her building’s lobby, not caring to change out of her days-old pyjamas or brush out her matted braids. While she waited, she stared in a daze at the security door that led outside. The summer sun shone bright and hot, stinging her bleary eyes. She blinked away and focused elsewhere.

A pile of mail had built up in her letterbox; she hadn’t checked it in at least a few weeks. As she shuffled over to empty the overflowing pigeonhole, a tap on the door lured her away.  

Dustin. Finally.

She jumped with glee and skipped across the stained linoleum floor, pressed the big green button that read ‘push to open.’ He greeted her with a sleazy grin and held up the bag of treats.

‘M’lady,’ he winked.

With a grin and a shiver of anticipation, she snatched the much-needed gear from his clutches and passed him a roll of cash. He briefly counted it and stuffed it into the pocket of his oversized hoodie.

‘Wanna come up and hang for a bit?’ She offered, not even trying to flirt. No need to expend the energy; he’d get the picture. They’d fooled around a bunch of times before.

‘Huh,’ he snickered and looked her up and down. ‘Another time.’

‘Busy day?’

‘Something like that,’ he said. ‘Later, Jinx. Have fun.’

He flipped her a peace sign and strode away. Whatever. His loss. The bounty she’d just bought was all she wanted, anyhow.

She squealed and turned back inside, stuffed the pile of letters into the bag and ran back up to her apartment with a new lease of life. Once inside with the door locked, she dug her pinkie finger into one of the baggies of glittering fuchsia shimmer and snorted the powder collected under her nail.

Fuck, she’d missed that rush. There was no feeling like it.

She spun around in an inelegant pirouette, giggling as her brain tingled and simmered. Soon, she’d be ablaze, ready to take on the world. Well, her demons, anyway.

She tossed the loot onto the coffee table and flopped giddily onto the sofa. The pile of letters eyed her, ready to be flicked through and organised. Maybe crafted into origami butterflies...

Humming a jaunty tune, she made a start: bills, bills, junk, bills, junk… Ooh, a baby pink envelope! Was it her birthday soon? She would’ve remembered that, right? What month was it?

As she opened it up and peaked inside, her heart spiked.

A pretty, floral invitation stared up at her, and there, written in fancy cursive, was the most bizarre collection of words she’d ever read:

 Jinx De Sousa,

We cordially invite you to the wedding

of

Violet Atlas McNeill and Seraphine Song.

 Her sister and her ex were getting married.

MARRIED.

Was she hallucinating?

What the fuck was going on?

Since when were they even dating? Last she knew, Seraphine had sworn herself to celibacy after one too many broken hearts (at least one of which was, admittedly, Jinx’s fault), and Vi was still in denial and refusing to sign the divorce papers. How the fuck had all of that changed in half a year?

Her limbs vibrated; teeth chattered. She slapped herself across the cheek and took another bump of shimmer.

She didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or scream or tear her hair out at the fucked-up karma of it all. Of course, Vi and Seraphine were together. After what she and Caitlyn did, it was only fair that the universe pulled such a twisted move.

But still, Vi and Seraphine, really? How did they meet? They didn’t even like the same places or activities. Sure, the lesbian community in Zaun and Piltover wasn’t huge, but there must’ve been some kind of outside influence that made them cross paths. A mutual friend, maybe?

Vi stayed at Ekko’s after the split. Were Ekko and Seraphine still friends? Could he have introduced them?

She considered texting him to find out, but then he’d try to make conversation and ask how she was and blah, blah, blah… She couldn’t handle Ekko’s concern right now. He had an uncanny knack of getting her to open up. Similar to Heimy in that way. Probably why he was her best friend. Definitely why she couldn’t stomach the thought of talking to him in her current state.

The questions wouldn’t stop bombarding her brain, fuelled by the shimmer. It had hit her harder than expected. She lit a joint to take the edge off the overstimulation.

After a deep breath and an even deeper toke, she realised what she had to do. For the first time in forever, she called her sister.

‘Powder!?’ Vi exclaimed as soon as she answered.

The choice of name made Jinx wince. Hearing Vi’s voice after so long felt like a dream, or one of her nightmares. She couldn’t decide. Maybe both.

‘Powder, is that really you? Are you okay? Are you in trouble?’

‘It’s Jinx,’ she corrected.

‘Right. Fuck—’ Vi cursed under her breath, telling herself off for the blunder.

Good. It was thoughtless.

‘Anyway, I’m fine,’ Jinx said, her tone slipping into little sister mode. ‘You don’t need to worry, I just, um…’ She tilted her head and stared sideways at the invitation strewn across the coffee table. ‘I got the invite.’

‘Oh, you did?’ Vi didn’t sound too thrilled. ‘Just now? Serrie sent them out like a month ago.’

Serrie?’ Ew.

‘It’s me, Vi,’ Jinx scoffed, half-regretting the call already. ‘I never check my mail.’

‘Right, of course you don’t,’ Vi conceded. ‘It’s all paperless and online nowadays.’

‘Yeahhhhh…’ Jinx flashed an exaggerated grimace for no one’s benefit but her own. ‘I don’t check online shit either.’

‘What? What about—’ Vi sighed heavily.

Jinx pictured her gripping the bridge of her nose and counting down from ten to calm herself, an old tactic from their childhood. A rogue giggle escaped her.

‘Heh, y’know what, doesn’t matter,’ Vi followed up. She definitely did the nose thing. ‘I’m just glad you’ve seen it. Finally.’

‘Yep,’ Jinx forced. ‘Finally.’

‘Serrie’ll be pleased, too,’ Vi said. ‘She was starting to wonder if you were ever gonna R.S.V.P.’

‘Oh, she was?’ Jinx mocked.

‘Yeah, she’s, uh… she’s excited, y’know. I mean, we both are.’

‘Uh huh. Very excitable, our Serrie.’

‘Right. She is.’

 …

 ‘Y’know what,’ Vi erupted into the awkward silence. ‘Now that I’ve got you on the phone, Serrie would kill me if I didn’t invite you to our party this weekend.’

‘Party?’

‘Our engagement party,’ Vi stated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

‘You’re having an engagement party?’ Jinx balked, almost choking on her latest hit. ‘You? You hate parties.’

‘Well, they’re not my favourite,’ Vi conceded. ‘But you know Serrie. Any excuse to celebrate.’

‘So, we’re not sidestepping the fact that I know her then? Like know her, know her.’

‘Pow…’ Vi sighed. ‘Jinx.’

‘At long fucking last.’

‘Please don’t make a big thing of this. You and Serrie barely dated.’

‘Oh, is that the party line?’ Jinx scolded. ‘What about Caitlyn?’

She regretted it the second the question left her lips. Idiot.

‘Cait’s in the past,’ Vi said. ‘Actually, it was Serrie who helped me get over myself and sign those fricking papers. She and Ekko really kicked my ass into gear, y’know.’

‘So, you met through Ekko, as suspected.’

‘…I think Cait could’ve kissed her for that,’ Vi chuckled, not seeming to have heard Jinx’s comment about Ekko.

‘Ah, well. That was supposed to stay in my head, anyway.’

‘What?’ Vi asked, confused.

‘Wait!’ Jinx accidentally yelled as her mind barrelled into another question. ‘So, Cait knows about all this?’

‘Of course.’

‘And she’s okay with it?’

‘Of course,’ Vi insisted. ‘Why the hell wouldn’t she be?’

‘Oh, I don’t know, because it’s so sudden!?’

‘Not really,’ Vi said. ‘We’ve both moved on. We’re uh… trying to be friends now.’

‘Friends?’ Jinx couldn’t believe a word of it. ‘You’re trying to be friends? You and Cait? Caitlyn Kiramman, the woman you fucking obsessed over for almost a decade.’

‘It was six years.’

‘Whatever,’ Jinx rebuffed. ‘How the fuck are the two of you ever going to be friends? Why does she have to stay in your life? Can’t you just cut her out?’ Between breaths, she inhaled another bump. Sniffed and wiped her nose. ‘How’re you going to be someone else’s wife with Cait in your life, Vi?’

It felt wrong. Broken.

‘Why would you cling to a person who left you and hurt you like that?’ She raged, untethered. ‘You haven’t moved on at all. You’ve just replaced marriage with friendship. That’s not moving on.’

‘Well, we still love each other,’ Vi explained. ‘We still want to be a part of each other’s lives. People stay friends with exes all the time. Or lesbians do, at least.’

‘Oh, other lesbians do it, so that means you have to? Grow a fucking backbone, Vi.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘You seriously want Cait in your life after all the shit she put you through?’ Jinx tumbled into a full-scale rant. ‘She broke your heart. Fucking destroyed you! She forced you to sleep on Ekko’s shitty little couch while she kept the house by the Pilt. And she put you through hell when you were married, too. Always dragging you to all those fancy functions with weird food and overpriced champagne, and all those judgy fucking snot-nosed socialites who saw you as good-for-nothing-trencher-trash, not worthy of breathing the same air as them.’

She rubbed a lick more shimmer into her gums. Sucked them clean.

‘Jinx, I—’

‘Cait fucking suffocated you with all that Piltie well-to-do crap,’ she continued, relentless, ‘and you let her because you loved her, and then that bitch had the audacity to stop loving you! You seriously want someone like that as a friend!?’

‘That’s not the full story, and you know it.’

‘Oh, I know,’ she jibed. ‘I gave you the abridged version. The full story is much worse.’

‘You’ve got it wrong,’ Vi urged. ‘Caitlyn was good to me, Jinx. She was amazing in so many ways, but… we were too different. Oil and water. Not because we came from opposite sides of the bridge, we just… don’t think in the same way, y’know. We’re not on the same wavelength.’

‘Well, duh! You’re not a pretentious fucking Mary Sue.’

‘Look, I know you never liked her, but come on. Cait’s a good person, you know that.’

‘Nope!’

Jinx’s jittering legs forced her to her feet. She paced around the coffee table, rubbing her neck harsh enough to irritate the skin.

‘Anyway, Jinx, I, uh… I should go,’ Vi said, dejected. ‘Can I count you in for the party?’

‘Is Cait gonna be there?’

‘She’s invited, so, maybe,’ Vi admitted. ‘But it’s gonna be a big party at Serrie’s parents’ place. You know that huge mansion they have?’

‘It’s a four-bedroom house with a pool out back,’ Jinx spat. ‘Not exactly a mansion, but whatever.’

‘Anyway, even if she does end up coming, you won’t necessarily have to see her,’ Vi continued. ‘I just… I’d really appreciate it if you came. Serrie would too.’

‘I’ll think about it.’

‘You will? You promise?’

‘Thinking doesn’t mean going, Vi.’

‘I know, but still.’

‘Text me the info and I’ll see what I can pull out of my ass.’

She rolled her eyes at her sister’s eagerness. It made her want to hide away forever and never see Vi, or anyone else, ever again.

‘Perfect.’

Jinx swore she could hear Vi grinning down the phone. Ugh.

‘I don’t have to bring a gift, do I?’

‘Well, Serrie says it’s customary,’ Vi replied. ‘But y’know I don’t care about that stuff. You showing up would be better than any gift.’

Out of nowhere, and despite her best intentions, Jinx almost cried. Fuck. How could Vi have said something so sentimental without warning her first? And when she was already in such a volatile state!?  

‘Sweet,’ she said, trying and failing to sound nonchalant. ‘That’ll save me a couple bucks then.’

‘Right.’

‘…right.’

A door slammed shut in the background of the call, and a floaty feminine voice trilled ‘I’m baaaacckkk!’

‘Ah, Serrie’s home,’ Vi clarified. ‘I gotta go.’

‘Yeah. Okay. Wifey duties.’

She couldn’t lie; it wasn’t okay. She felt a pang of hatred towards Seraphine for somehow stealing Vi away from her. Illogical bullshit, she reminded herself. But it stung to leave their conversation on such an abrupt note, and if Seraphine hadn’t been there to interrupt, well…

‘And Jinx, I uh…’ Vi’s rasp tinged with desperation. ‘Thanks for calling.’

‘…sure,’ she croaked.

‘See you soon, I hope.’

‘Right. Soon.’  

With that, the line went dead.

Jinx’s pacing stilled and she crashed back to the sofa. Screamed into the cushion.

She had to go, didn’t she? Vi had invited her. Vi wanted her to go.

At least she had enough drugs to see her through whatever hell awaited her there.

#caitjinx #caitjinx modern au #pistolwhip #pistolwhip modern au #jinx #caitlyn #vi #seraphine #heimerdinger #psychiatrist heimy <3 #arcane fanfic #fanfic #what about vi x seraphine though? #ship name?? #drugs tw #shimmer in this is like a mix of ecstasy and cocaine #jinx has bpd #jinx has adhd #jinx has complex ptsd #jinx needs all the hugs #i'm doing my best to portray these issues accurately & true to jinx #so if i get any specific facts wrong please let me know #extra info: #i chose jinx & vi's surnames based on the creators of their LoL characters & concepts #katie de sousa for jinx #graham mcneill for vi #and song for seraphine based on her abilities #advices and vices #part 4 #i'm nothing if not self-aware

[anthrofreshtodeath]

for the writing-background ask, trigonometry chapter 2 (on mobile so pardon any weird formatting)

"Jane was stalking the grounds around the house Maura currently kneeled in, her attitude strangely dour, even for a Sunday morning on which she could have been sleeping in. Well, it seemed strange to her partner, and Barry had said as much when Jane suddenly announced she was going to inspect the perimeter. It was strange to her brother, too, and Frankie had scoffed when she clipped his shoulder on her way out. Hell's wrong with her? He asked the two of them.

Maura shrugged, only able to lie corporeally. She supposed she knew why Jane was upset. Jane had tried to convince her countless times that sleeping with Tommy was not a good idea. And, she had directly opposed all those warnings and slept with him the night before anyway. It had been satisfying like she knew it would be; he was in shape and he was kind and he looked very nice in her bed. But, Jane thought that that meant there were feelings, and Maura also knew that even if she tried to convince Jane that sex didn't mean love just as hard as Jane tried to convince her that sex with Tommy was a disaster, they wouldn't get anywhere. The entanglement of orgasm and emotion was as ingrained in Jane as anything else, and she really would see it as a great tragedy if Maura, someone as bright and rich and accomplished as Maura, had emotions for her youngest brother

Maura did have emotions for Tommy, but not those kind, and even if the only thing she felt for him was attraction, Jane wouldn't understand. Sigh. Perhaps some kind of apology was in order..."

i specifically chose this because it's shortly after the beginning of jane's jealousy/inkling of feelings for maura, even if she's unaware. it introduces the main conflict, and also jane's pining is also prevalent in cmwhs, pyrite, & cafuddári, for different reasons, and to a lesser extent in others.

Thanks for playing, friend! The only thing I won't do from the previous post is make puns because I hate them 😅

But as for the play-by-play for this scene, let's dig in, because I really like it. I chose to put this realization on Maura's part in the context of a crime scene because I wanted Trigonometry to feel like a storyline in the show. Jane is always in her element on the job, and I think it was important for Maura to see how her actions were affecting Jane the Detective, you know? Not that Jane was slipping, but rather that she was retreating into herself because the hunt is what is most comfortable and comforting to her when she experiences turmoil.

It's early on in the story because it establishes Jane's relationships to her partner, her brother, and Maura. It's an easy way to sketch out the world while remaining rooted in the main issue: Maura sleeping with Tommy when Jane said no.

At this point, in Jane's mind, she's just upset because she really doesn't think Tommy is good enough for Maura, and she's really afraid that Maura will get hurt by Tommy, because everyone does. But of course she's pining. She's very chivalrous, but she wants Maura. I wanted that to be obvious to literally everyone but her. And, well, Maura missed it, too. But the point of this story is that they're dumb lol.

In Maura's mind, she struggles with being an independent woman and doing whatever feels good to her and hurting Jane. I think, before Jane, she didn't really have to worry about the impact her decisions would have on others. Not that she made bad ones (I don't even think her decision to sleep with Tommy was a mistake, given she is as unaware of Jane's feelings as Jane is), but she was alone for a lot of her life. This scene is her working through the fact that she now might have to think about Jane and how Jane feels when she chooses things. It's a subtle kind of intimacy, the thinking of your loved one when you decide stuff, that long proceeds their sexual relationship.

Hope that's sufficient! Thank you again!

#ask anthrofreshtodeath

[queenlucythevaliant]

I posted 1,724 times in 2022

That's 748 more posts than 2021!

667 posts created (39%)

1,057 posts reblogged (61%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lovesodeepandwideandwell

@dimsilver

@laurelindorenan

@magpie-trove

@holbytlanna

I tagged 1,677 of my posts in 2022

Only 3% of my posts had no tags

#pontifications and creations - 438 posts

#narnia - 342 posts

#ask me hard questions - 334 posts

#tolkien legendarium - 234 posts

#how can i keep from singing - 91 posts

#i will not say the day is done - 75 posts

#only thou art holy - 70 posts

#aurë entuluva! - 60 posts

#jack - 60 posts

#reading fairy tales again - 57 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i just don't think i'll ever get over the relationship between our loving meticulous glorious creator-god and the elegance of how he create

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

In Narnia, Right was right and courage came with clarity. Beauty abounded and Aslan, even across the sea, never felt so very far away.

That’s how they remembered it in England, at least. Three months gone and the edges were sanded down. Their children’s hearts remembered beauty and clung to victory. If you’re not an idealist when you’re young, there’s something wrong with you.

Peter said, and they all agreed, that their memories of Narnia were like books on a shelf. It was all still there, but filed away. To think of a particular summer dance or ship’s voyage, you had to pull the proper book from its shelf and turn the pages until you found the story you wanted. You could recall the events that way and it would be like any other memory: vivid but imperfect, bathed in old feelings and new, details intact but a fine mist of nostalgia covering the scene.

Their old skills were gone, but what use was swordsmanship in Britain? Most of the time, the Pevensie children scarcely noticed what they had lost. They played in forests and swam in ponds, went to the grocer’s and prepared for school to resume. They were children.

They thought of Narnia often, but it was as one remembers a glorious holiday by the seashore, or the most important novel you’ve ever read. It had changed their lives, but it was past, and memory; a secret language, and daydreams and play-battles out in the Professor’s woods.

Because they were children, the edges of their memories softened, they forgot the things that would have given them nightmares. Right was right in Narnia, after all. They did not remember the sticky, congealing mess of the Witch’s blood that clung to Aslan’s mouth after Beruna, when he had ripped her throat out and devoured her body. They forgot the visceral fear that Rabadash would manage to take Susan to wife by force, and what he would do to her if he did. They forgot the awful chaos of battle, the sickening stench of bellies hewn open and intestines spilling onto the sodden earth. They did not remember living to be twenty, thirty, fifty, sixty, growing old and aching with it, burying friends, and worrying about the succession. The burden of all those years would have broken any children so young.

After they were sent home for the last time, each of the Pevensie children found ways of remembering. Peter joined a fencing league, and soon found that old broadsword techniques would often flutter out of his memory’s pages and into his hands. Susan sketched until she didn’t, until she put away her pad full of fauns and castles and lions in a box of childhood nonsense—but it was many years before that happened. Edmund wrote pages and pages of reminiscences down, trying to externalize the books of his memory. Lucy daydreamed, and she dressed in bright Narnian colors, and sang Narnian songs, and a million other tiny things that scarcely anyone noticed. The Pevensie children found ways to remember. Narnia remained in their minds: a little distant, perhaps, but the ink never faded.

And one day, when he was ready, Edmund was trying to calm his father through the soldier’s panic that followed a car backfiring and he began to remember the feeling of having seen war. The book in his mind opened where the pages had been stuck together, and suddenly he knew how to help.

Lucy began to recall snatches of what it was like to grow old. She looked in on her grandparents more and more. “I know your knee isn’t what it used to be,” she smiled as she went to get the stepstool.

Susan held a classmate tight after a terrible, terrible night and trembled, remembering Rabadash’s hot breath on her face, the way he’d grabbed her forearms with bruising strength and demanded to kiss her. I understand, she whispered. It wasn’t your fault.

Peter, sitting in theology class, remembered the viscera around Aslan’s mouth and began to understand what justice meant.

The terrible parts came back in flashes as the children grew into young men and women. Memories of Narnia expanded to fit their older selves, old horrors and heartaches now many years past. Little by little, the Pevensie children grew back into themselves.

Two Lucys existed, one long past and one in the mirror. Two Edmunds, two Susans, two Peters. The present Lucy did not miss the woman she had grown to be in Narnia, except in rare instances. She had what she needed from her old self. She still had so much growing left to do.

696 notes - Posted September 21, 2022

#4

Tell me about God suffering.

Tell me about the God who knew that we would break his heart, yet chose to create us anyway. Who saw Adam, fashioned in his own image, and said “It is very good.”

Tell me about the God who said, “my heart, my bowels, my inner parts weep like a lyre for the suffering of my people.” Who watched his loved ones worship idols and fall into sin, who knew all the blackest desires of their hearts. Who faithfully wounded them, sent them into exile, let them die, and said “How can I give you up, O Ephraim? My heart recoils within me.”

Tell me about a God who fashioned us from dust in the full knowledge that in order to keep us, he would see his son scourged and dying on the cross. Who knew that one day he would turn his face away. About a Jesus who said, “here am I, send me.” Who set his face towards Golgotha even in the halls of eternity.

Tell me about a God who became small and frail. Who endured headaches and hangnails and long nights without sleep. Who was anxious and afraid, embarrassed and misunderstood. Who was tempted. Who saw his friends sad and sick and dying. Who wept with the sound of a horse before battle.

Tell me about Jesus weeping and sweating blood in Gethsemane. Tell me about the cross. Tell me about “my God, my God, why have you forsaken me” and the agony of unanswered prayer.

Tell me about the Father and the Spirit, cut off from the Son for the first time in history. The Son, begotten and abandoned. The Spirit, proceeding from nowhere. Tell me about the death of one you have loved from eternity.

Tell me about the Spirit, who intercedes for us before the Father in groans too deep for words. Who understands our deepest pains that well.

People say that to love at all is to suffer, but that isn’t true. God loved and was loved in perfect Trinity before he created us. To love what is fallen is to suffer.

Tell me about the God who chose suffering.

@citrussunrises

790 notes - Posted September 9, 2022

#3

890 notes - Posted June 16, 2022

#2

895 notes - Posted September 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Reepicheep could kill the Witch King of Angmar (and/or Macbeth).

2,081 notes - Posted February 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #I'm so confused what posts have i not tagged??? #i tag everything???... #how in the world do i have forty something tagless posts?! #what are they??? #ask me hard questions

[clarktooncrossing]

HEY THERE PEOPLE OF TODAY AND ROBOTS OF TOMORROW!

IT'S ME, CLARK!

For the last twelve years peeps have asked me if I was opened to commissions. I had only offered services like that once, resulting in a weird transformation comic where some dude gets turned into a sexy duck. Hey, guy's gotta pay for pizza somehow, folks. Especially when Pizza Monster keeps stealing mine! At this rate I should stop spending my moola on deep-dish and use it to fortify my home. Luckily I might be able to do so now, thanks to all of you out there! For you see, it was during those twelve years that a few of you kept coming back to my deviantART page to see what crazy new things the Clarktoons and I were up to. Whether it was to see how many characters I could cram into one Sketch BOOM, hear my thoughts regarding Christmas Specials in Giraffe's Eye View, or simply to witness whatever cute crap Bumper was up to, 500 of you weirdos liked whatever I was doing. I couldn't be more grateful to those 500 peeps. I've always said my purpose in life was to make people happy, so knowing I've done so for that many people helps remind me that I'm doing something right. You all are truly the best and there's nothing I could do to express my immense appreciation. Or is there? A few of you may recall my promising something whenever I reached that many followers. While I've been distracted with my recent hacking incident or preparing for the upcoming Holiday seasons, I didn't forget about said promise. At long last, I have opened myself up to commissions! If anybody out there wants me to draw some silly silly, I'm ready to do so [within reason]. Details and prices will be posted in a journal sometime soon, but for now let's get to a commission paid for by my friend The Bargain Bin Hobo.

Horrible things hide in the dark. Be that the darkness of the woods outside your cabin door or the darkest corners of your own subconscious. From these blackened pools come creatures with little regard to those puny fleshbags known as humans. People don't matter to either of them. All that counts are the amount of bodies dropped. It's like a sick contest. Who can acquire the higher fatality rate? How quickly can they murder every hapless, horny teenager in sight? Which of the slashers reigns supreme: Hobo Voorhees or Freddy Dudeler? Doesn't really matter either way. No matter who wins, we all lose! It's nothing but a sick game. One developed my LGN if their colors are any indication.

I know what you're thinking: Clark, this is a perfect picture for Halloween! Of course it is, silly! When Hobo first approached me to make this particular pic, saving it for Christmas Day was the obvious option. After all, it's not like I wanted to post this for his birthday or Halloween or anything. Nah, that would've been stupid and made actual sense. Saving this poster depicting a battle between two undead serial killers for the day most associated with the birth of Christ makes way more sense. I'm an idiot. Still, I'm an idiot who made a decent poster-style picture anyway. Hobo approached me with this commission specifically asking for the two monsters to be given their NES color scheme. Foolishly he wasn't very specific beyond that, hence why his Jason is based on the one from Part 6. What can I say, the belt and glove look is dope. Drawing the dual dueling monsters itself was easy, taking me two days to finish. The hard part was the background. I suuuuuck at drawing those, having to use some Illustrator trickeries to pull this off. Hopefully my perspective skills improve in the future. For now, I hope you all enjoy this as much as Hobo did! Have a Happy Christmas devoid of machetes or murder gloves! 

MAY THE GLASSES BE WITH YOU!

#ClarktoonCrossing #Clarktoons #commission #Christmas #Christmas 2023 #Mr-Herp-Derp #Bargain Bin Hobo #Hobo #Hobo Voorhees #Jason Voorhees #Friday the 13th #Nightmare on Elm Street #Freddy Krueger #Freddy Dudeler #where are my glasses #fight #cabin #burning cabin #spooky #monsters #undead #zombies #monste rfight

[elveneclipse]

Heyyyy guess what? dsmp!Taiyo_Trove lore. I wrote about him meeting Tommy and Tubbo!! This is canon to this au’s lore, unlike the comic which was dubiously canon. All set in Hypixel here, but the next lore post should be about them joining the SMP!! Anyways, the writing will all be below the cut!!

Making Friends in Bedwars

Taiyo sat by a tree, their demon tail wrapped around their body as they sketched in their notebook. He had just gotten out of a round of bedwars, and now was resting since his arm still hurt from blocking a sword to the face. Really, Hypixel needed to get some sort of face guards for those games. 

There was probably another round going, but it didn’t mind missing one game. Or a couple of games, even. He never managed to get into every game, nor did he care enough to. As long as he got enough coins from it to stick around in Hypixel, it didn’t matter how many games he played.

It stretched a bit, looking up at the sky. There was a leaderboard near the tree they were sitting at, for Bedwars. They didn’t tend to pay much attention to it, as it never really changed much. It always had the same people on it, though sometimes they’d switch places. Occasionally someone would retire, and then they left the board completely, but other than that, it didn’t ever change much. Always the same 100 people, never including him, to no one’s surprise. Taiyo had never spoken to any of them, nor did they care much to. All he knew of them was that they were on the leaderboard, nothing else.

Today, though, he noticed that something had changed. On the leaderboard were two new names, replacing two of the more familiar ones. One, called Tubbo_ in 50th, the other, a TommyInnit, in 49th. As far as they were aware, no one had retired recently, and even if someone had, why would those two jump up so quickly?

He didn’t know.

It was interesting, in Taiyo’s opinion at least, though he doubted it would matter to him much in the long run. After all, the two names would eventually fade into the background, just like all the other names on the leaderboard did. Maybe they’d watch the two for a little while, just out of curiosity, but he’d forget soon enough.

That was what it thought, anyways.

—

They sat alone in the waiting room, inspecting the wooden sword they’d been given to make sure it didn’t have any blemishes or weak spots. There wasn’t much he could do if there were, but at the very least he’d know to upgrade the sword as soon as possible.

The last game of Bedwars hadn’t quite finished yet when they joined the waiting room, meaning that they were probably the only person in the waiting rooms right now. Certainly the only one on its team for the moment.

After looking the sword over a couple of times, he was satisfied, and put it away in his inventory to sort through the rest of it.

As they were doing so, the door to the waiting room opened, and two people entered the room. Taiyo didn’t look up, but they figured that must mean the last round was over. 

“Are you sure about this, bossman? I mean, yeah, we’ve got a good streak going, but that last one was pretty close. Yellow was brutal, I mean, seriously, just brutal.” Said one of them.

“Yeah, they were, but no match for us! Big T, we’re practically unstoppable, don’t sweat it. ‘Sides, Chat wants us to play one more game, and I could use the Primes. We’ll take a break after if you want?” The other replied. Sounded like they were friends, then.

“Okay, if you say so,” said the first one.

Taiyo hummed, unsure if it should say something or not. He’d never heard chat or prime used like that before, and he was kinda curious. Though, now that he thought of it, they probably had everyone muted except for each other. Most players muted everyone in games, including themselves, at least in Hypixel. Taiyo couldn’t speak on other servers, as they’d never been to one apart from Hypixel, but that was what happened here. He didn’t mute, on the off chance he’d be teamed with someone else who wasn’t muted and they could then communicate faster, but usually that didn’t happen.

“Hey, you’re on our team, right?” The second one asked, apparently addressing him.

“Tommy, I think they’ve muted-” The other started.

“No, I can hear you both fine. Just uh.. Wasn’t sure if you’d be able to hear me,” Taiyo replied, still shuffling through the inventory. It was almost finished… “And, uh, yeah, I’m on this team!”

“Oh, sweet! I think this is the first time we’ve seen someone else who actually uses the voice chats today!” The one who was apparently called Tommy exclaimed.

Taiyo chuckled, “First time I’ve met someone who uses it in years,”

“Oh, huh! Is it not usually used?” Not-Tommy asked.

“No, not really… A shame, it’s pretty use-” Taiyo started, closing their inventory and looking at the two of them for the first time. 

Their name tags were the same as the ones from the leaderboard. TommyInnit and Tubbo_.

Tommy was a tall, blond teenager, with curly hair, blue eyes, and a red and white t-shirt. Tubbo was shorter, and had wavy brown hair and brown eyes, plus a green long sleeve. Both of them also had bandana’s - Tommy’s was green, and Tubbo’s was red.

“You’re the people from the leaderboard!” Taiyo exclaimed, more than a bit surprised. While they never cared all that much about it, they definitely did not expect to get teamed up with anyone from the leaderboard, let alone the two people that they’d noticed on it earlier.

“Wait, really? We’re on the leaderboard?” Tubbo questioned, sounding just as surprised.

“Holy shit, really? I mean, uh- of course we’re on the leaderboard, we’re the biggest men ever, right Tubbster?” Tommy said.

“I mean, sure, but we’ve only been playing together for a day-” Tubbo said.

“That might be why, actually,” Taiyo hummed, “People here don’t tend to work together very well, so if you two have been working together the whole time, you’d definitely have an advantage,”

“..It’s a team game, Trove. What do you mean people don’t work together most of the time?” Tommy asked him.

Taiyo snorted, “You haven’t been here long, have you? That’s… kinda just how Hypixel is. We’re not here to work together, we’re here to compete. Or, in my case, here to get enough coins to keep living in the server,”

“You don’t have a home server?” Tubbo questioned, frowning at him.

He shrugged, “I used to. It was weird, though- endless flat world, I mean completely flat. I could summon things to add to my inventory whenever I wanted, though, so it didn’t stay flat. I built a lot. Can’t figure out how to get back though, I think it got deleted somehow.”

“Oh, so you were a creative player? Pog! I’ve always wondered what it’d be like.. I always imagined it’d feel like being a god or some shit. Sucks it got deleted, though,” Tommy replied.

“I guess it was a bit like that,” It shrugged, before stretching, “Doesn’t matter much anymore, though, I’ve been living here for years, so I’m pretty much your average player now. Can do some shapeshifting, but that’s about it, and I’ve seen stranger hybrids.”

The three of them continued talking to each other, even after the fourth teammate entered the room. Unsurprisingly to Taiyo, they didn’t talk to the other three at all, which it didn’t really care about, though Tommy and Tubbo looked a bit bummed about it. 

While they didn’t have much in common with the other two as far as interests and backgrounds went, they still found himself enjoying talking to them. Tommy was a bit brash, but they were both kind and funny, and they made it really easy to talk to them. Maybe it was because they were trying to be as friendly as possible, since not a lot of people here were actually willing to talk. It could get lonely, sometimes. Or maybe it was because of their ‘home server,’ wherever that was.

Whatever the reason, Taiyo found himself taking a liking to the two boys quickly. 

Eventually, their conversation was ended by the game starting, which Taiyo was a bit annoyed by at first, though that quickly left when he realized how much fun the games were when they actually talked to their teammates. Not only was it less frustrating since they were able to communicate better, but it was also made enjoyable by the joking and playful banter that filled the air as they played. Most of the banter was between Tommy and Tubbo, as Taiyo wasn’t sure he was close enough to them for that, but it was still fun.

They also did better at the game, and Taiyo could see now how they were able to jump places so fast. Well, between that, and their apparent streak of 100 games in a row, which seemed a bit crazy to them, but they apparently found it fun, even if they were starting to get a bit sore and tired from it.

They ended up winning the game, which immediately filled the area with cheers from all three of them. Afterwards, the three of them went to hang out in the lobby for a while, to take a break from the games.

Taiyo didn’t remember having any friends before, but they were fairly sure that they’d made some new ones that day.

#taiyotrove.💫 #tommyinnit fanfic #tubbo fanfic #my writing #oc fic #dsmp au #dsmp fic