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norrizzandpia · 6 months

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Longing Glances and Whispered Confessions (Part 2) (LN4)

Summary: In which the one person they thought would reject them completely is the person that forces them together again.

Warnings: language, sexual innuendos, Lando and yn are sad as hell, happy ending tho, Pietra being a real one

Note: i loved this story line also here is the link to part 1 if you need it

“There’s nothing louder than the silence between two people who used to love each other.” - unknown

Lando was never the same. Max noticed the way his best friend suddenly became a shell of a human, dark and blank. The brother was left to question why the closest person to him in his life was no longer than themselves. He tried to take the boy out, bringing him to movies and dinners, trying to understand the root of his depression. However, he began to put it together when he saw the way Y/n lost herself a bit too. If he was being honest, Max always had an idea that they held repressed feelings for each other, but he never entertained it. He was so afraid of that thought that he refused to diagnose their lingering eyes and prolonged touches.

Pietra was the first to voice his internal thoughts, “You know, it’s no coincidence that they’ve both suddenly stopped talking to each other.”

He groaned, looking at her from his side of the couch, “P, I’m not doing this with you again.”

He got up, walking out of the room only for her to follow him. She trailed behind his steps, pushing, “No, you are going to do this with me. I’m not going to let you ruin two people’s happiness because you can’t set your pride aside and let them be at peace.”

He forcefully turned around, staring down at her annoyed, “What are you saying?! They were sneaking around together behind my back?! Come on, P.”

She scoffed, “Maybe they were! You said it yourself that they were spending more time together! What do you think they were doing?”

He shook his head, “Being friends! Like they always have been!”

Pietra let her hands yank at her hair in exhaustion over her boyfriend’s obliviousness, “MAX! WAKE UP! THEY WERE NEVER FRIENDS!”

Her yelling silenced him, his eyes staring at her before floating down to his feet, “You think I really am the source of their unhappiness?”

She sighed, padding over to him and bringing his body into her hold, “I think you played into it, but I don’t think you’re the whole reason why. Y/n and Lando are so stubborn, they probably pushed each other away with how much they love each other.”

His head reared back, “Love each other?”

Her eyebrows furrowed, “Yeah… Max, you really think they would be this heartbroken over something that wasn’t love?”

The revelation was crushing, his eyes bulged and he stood, jaw agape, “I… I don’t know. I didn’t think they would be able to explore a relationship that much to realize they loved each other.”

She tilted her head, “Max, you don’t know how long they were together.”

And that was something he knew he needed to find out.

—

Lando dragged himself over to his door, eyes drooping from the lack of sleep. No matter how hard he tried, every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was her walking out on him.

He opened it, not saying anything as he let Max in. His best friend closed the door behind himself, following Lando into the living room and sitting on the couch beside him. Hesitantly, Max laid his hand on Lando’s knee.

He breathed out, “I’m worried about you.”

The blanket around Lando’s shoulders loosened as he moved his hand to rub over his face, “Why?”

“Because you’re not sleeping, you’re not eating, and you’re canceling on everyone. I keep having Oscar or Carlos or Daniel or any of the other drivers text me asking where you are, what’s wrong. You’re not the same person anymore, Lando.” Max retracted his hand, turning fully on the couch to stare at the boy’s side profile.

Lando huffed, standing up and trying to flee the conversation, but Max was quick to grab his arm, pulling him back. Lando gave Max a look that was so angry, so furious that he realized this anger wasn’t directed at him, rather at the world for putting him through such pain.

“Can you fucking leave me alone?” Lando gave, arm trying to move from Max’s grasp, but failed.

“No, I’m not leaving until you tell me.” Max tried.

Lando rolled his eyes, “Tell you what?”

His response was immediate, “Tell me what happened between you and her.”

Lando fell silent, his demeanor shifting and his eyes softening. Vulnerability and brokenness flashed in his eyes, such a pool of grief, Max hated himself for causing it.

Finally, Lando broke from his hold and walked further into his apartment, “I don’t know who or what you’re talking about.”

Max followed him, “Yes, you do and you’re going to tell me what happened between you and my sister.”

Lando aggressively turned around, his attitude changing quickly, his fiery gaze creating a tense air, “CAN YOU FUCKING STOP?”

Max shot back, “NO! I CAN’T LET THIS HAPPEN! IT’S NOT FAIR TO ANYONE TO KEEP YOU FROM EACH OTHER IF THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU’RE SEPARATED!”

Lando’s teary voice, stricken with yearning for someone he thought he wouldn’t have to yearn for anymore, yelled back, “NOTHING HAPPENED! NOTHING HAPPENED BETWEEN US! NOTHING-”

His words got cut off when a small sob racked through his body. The lie and deflection of their relationship hit him hard. He didn’t want to deny what happened with her because what happened with her was so important, so close to his heart. Denying her and the love they shared was like affirming their end, he couldn’t deal with that.

Max watched his best friend break down in front of him, the sounds of miserable tears filling the room as he rushed over and caught him. He had never seen him like this, agony making him cling to his best friend in search of something to ground him.

Max couldn’t stomach the way his best friend was crying, much less for the fact that he was crying for his sister and whatever happened between them.

He itched to know and knew Y/n would be able to tell him.

—

He used his key to get in. The apartment was dark and quiet, and Max almost thought no one was there, but the fresh tissues on the counter and romantic movie playing softly in the background told him his sister was somewhere within the few walls.

He wandered around, silently looking for any clues of her relationship with Lando. He mingled over to her desk, hoping to find some picture of them together and gain physical evidence of the things that happened behind closed doors. He was ready to give up in that spot when he didn’t see anything on the surface, but when he caught a glimpse of a small drawer hiding under it, he crouched down. His hands slowly opened it, creaking and groaning under the force.

What he found, clearly something that was trying to be hidden, shocked him. What he found was a large handful of printed out pictures, all of them consisting of Y/n and Lando. He took them out carefully, their edges worn as if someone had continuously worked with them. The pictures got progressively worse to see, in terms of knowing that he was the one to stop the love they had for each other.

The first photo was of the two of them laying on her couch, the piece of furniture sitting two feet away from him. Lando’s lips were pressed against her cheek, one hand holding the other side of her face to him. Whatever was happening in the moment must have been amusing seeing as his sister was in the midst of hard laughter. Her mouth open, smile exuding through, she seemed comfortable in his presence, the kind of comfortable Max had wanted to forget existed between them.

The second photo was in Lando’s kitchen, this time only of the boy himself. Y/n’s reflection was in the window, again laughing at his cooking skills, as Lando stared beyond the camera. His gaze was trained on Y/n, a lovesick glint in his eyes as he held a spatula and a bowl. He was smiling so hard at her, Max wanted to claw his eyes out and forget he ever saw these photographs. They were a living example of what he had destroyed.

He continued to look through them, however, as his curiosity got the best of him. The last one, the eleventh and final one, was the worst to gaze upon.

This picture was taken by Lando, it being of Y/n sitting on her couch. She stared down at a ring in a box that she held firmly in her hand, teary eyes staring at Lando behind the camera. She was smiling with her mouth slightly opened, as if she was in awe over the gift.

It was the worst to see because he remembered the day he clocked her wearing it, asking her where she had gotten it.

THREE MONTHS PRIOR

“Where the fuck did you get that?” Max asked, his eyes trained on the sparkly band on his sister’s middle finger, left hand.

She tilted her head in confusion, following his gaze before realizing what he was referring to and trying to suppress a smile.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Just a gift.” She said vaguely, trying to be nonchalant.

Max shook his head, laughing softly, “No fucking way, is this person in love with you?”

She mirrored his laughter, yet it had a nervous undertone, “What are you talking about?”

Max grasped his sister’s hand, inspecting the ring, “Anyone who gets you something this expensive is in love with you. I mean, Y/n, this is, borderline, promise ring.”

She had joked with him, “What if it really was?”

He stared at her, trying to decipher whether or not to take it seriously. In the end, he hadn’t, “Then, I’d say I wanted to meet whoever gave you this. Clearly they want to marry you.”

She laughed it off, waving her hand around, “No need. There’s no one to meet.”

PRESENT DAY

It had been right fucking in front of him. He had prodded and joked that there was someone in her life, and there had been. It had been his best friend and he was too selfish to recognize it. Who was he to dictate their lives? Who was he to stop them from being happy? Who the fuck was he to stop Lando from making good on the promise he had made to his sister?

With the picture in his hands, Max stalked to her bedroom in the back of her apartment. He flung the door open, clearly waking her up from the nap she had been partaking in, scaring her to death.

She yelped out, “WHAT THE FUCK!”

He shook his head, pacing around the perimeter of her bed, “What is this?”

He waved the picture in her face, dropping it on her lap, and staring at her as he walked around.

Her face dropped and then she was staring at him with vengeance, “You went through my stuff?”

She had said it coolly, quietly, and that scared Max gravely. His sister was furious.

He scoffed, “Yeah, I did! Because I saw Lando earlier this week and he fucking cried in my arms because I confronted him about what happened between you, and he couldn’t fucking handle it. I still don’t know what happened! What the fuck happened?!”

She stood up, “AND YOU THINK THAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO LOOK THROUGH THESE THINGS? THESE PICTURES WERE FOR US ONLY AND YOU FUCKING RUINED THAT, MAX! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?”

Max shook his head and put his hands up in front of him, “I’m not mad, Y/n. I support you two if it makes you happy. I’m just fucking shocked as shit because I asked you about that ring and you lied to my face.”

She shrugged, “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU WANT ME TO DO? TELL YOU THAT I HAD BEEN FUCKING YOUR BEST FRIEND?”

Suddenly, he realized that if he hadn’t told her about his knowledge of the photos, she wouldn’t be as rageful as she was standing before him. Max was hit with a wave of emotions, wondering if he had just ruined the trust he had built with his sister over the course of their entire lives.

“Y/n,” He started, but she interrupted him.

“Get the fuck out.” She whispered, clutching the picture in her hands.

“What?”

“Get out of my house, Max.” She said again, this time stalking toward him and beginning to push him away.

He grabbed onto her arms, “Y/n, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that finding those pictures would make you this upset.”

When they reached the living room and she saw the drawer open with all the pictures strewn about, she leaped toward them, frantically gathering them up carefully.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” She screamed, ears turning red.

Max stayed silent, “THESE ARE MY PHOTOS, MAX! THESE MEAN SOMETHING TO ME! IT WAS NEVER YOUR PLACE TO FIND THESE!”

He walked cautiously over to her, letting his hands take hold of hers as they tried to gather all the pictures. She was crying, the tears becoming harder as she looked upon all their times together. Her brother gently coaxed them out of her hands and pulled her into him, cradling her head to his chest and trying to stop the tears that were wetting his shirt.

“I’m sorry, Y/n. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” He whispered repeatedly in her ear.

Over time, as he continued to say those two words to her, they both knew the meaning of it was changing.

At first, he was sorry for finding the photos and infringing on her privacy, but, then, he was sorry for making her think she couldn’t love openly.

—

Sitting down on her couch, he passed her tea to her and silently urged her to start talking.

She took a deep breath, then began, “Lando and I dated for a year. I’ll just break that to you now.”

Max’s mouth fell open, he had not been expecting for it to be that long, “Okay… continue. I’ll be okay.”

She nodded, smiling lightly, “We had loved each other for many years before that, but we only got together after a night when he picked me up drunk and I told him about the feelings I had for him. He came to my house the morning after and demanded to know if what I had said was true or just my drunk self being reckless, but everything I had said to him that night was, so he kissed me and we made things official. At first, we said we would keep things hidden until we were certain we saw a future, but that plan was shit because, from the beginning, we saw forever with each other. So, all we were left to do was aimlessly wander around until we stumbled across a time to tell you. However, we could never agree. He wanted to stay secret, afraid of everything that would happen if we dated publicly, but I was more of a ‘fuck it’ person. I wanted to be with him and when he rejected the notion I continuously brought up about us telling everyone, I felt fully rejected and that caused an ungodly amount of fights. Toward the end, all we did was fight. I think that’s what did us in. There was never a time when we weren’t yelling at each other and, for the life of us, we just could not see eye to eye. The thing that broke everything was when he told me to come to him when I believed he loved me and I realized I would never become comfortable with that idea. I would never fully trust him if he continued to treat me like a mistress, so I broke up with him.”

Max nodded, “And that’s when you two stopped talking and I found out.”

She agreed, “Yeah, I’m surprised how quickly you put it together.”

He chuckled, “No, it wasn’t me. It was Pietra. She basically yelled at me and told me that I was ruining both of your happiness by refusing to come to terms with it.”

The look that Y/n got in her eye told Max that he didn’t know the full story, “What?”

His little sister giggled, “I knew she knew!”

He tilted his head in confusion, “What?”

She shook her head, “One time, Pietra came over to my apartment unannounced and she had chosen a time when Lando and I were… uh…” Y/n wiggled her eyebrows at her brother and his face scrunched up in disgust.

“Oh, fuck no! Move on!” He yelled, waving his hands around.

She smiled, “Okay, okay, well, anyway, she used her key and when we heard the door open, her voice yelling out my name, Lando hid in the closet. When she came into my room and saw me with no clothes on under my comforter, she just looked at me weirdly. Her conversation with me after that consisted of her walking around my room and looking behind curtains and all that. I’m surprised she forgot to look in the closet because, if she had, she would’ve found out. But, anyway, after that, she just always dropped little comments about me seeing someone and, one time, she asked me if I had feelings for Lando. I, of course, refused, but it was something in the look that she gave me that told me she knew and she wouldn’t tell.”

He scoffed, “Damn you, P.”

The siblings laughed together, but once it died down, Max gave her a serious look.

“Y/n, you need to talk to him.”

Her shoulders sank, “I don’t know if either of us could handle that right now.”

He shook his head, “Not to get closure, but to get back together.”

Her head pulled back, “What? Max, he probably hates me. He definitely does not want to get back together with me after I ripped out his heart, threw it on the floor, and stomped on it.”

Max looked at her weirdly, “No way. You didn’t see the way he broke down in his apartment. You weren’t there and you haven’t seen the way he’s been after everything ended. He loves you and he needs you. He always will.”

She mulled it over in her head, inviting her brother to continue, “Why’d you break up with him?”

“Because I was hurt and I doubted how we would ever continue healthily when we didn’t agree on this one thing. Plus I didn’t believe he loved me the way I did him.”

Max shot up from the couch, picked up the photo of Lando looking at her while he cooked and shoved it in her face, “Y/n, that is the look of a man so gone for you, he’s never coming back.”

Her fingers traced over his face on the paper, smiling softly at the boy she missed, before looking up at her brother, “How do you know for sure? What if I give myself to him and it doesn’t work out?”

Max leaned forward, took her hands in his, and squeezed them tightly, “I don’t, but I can guarantee you that for as long as he lives, Lando will never move on from you. You give him another chance and he will never stop loving you. He’ll never stop loving you whether or not you’re there to reciprocate it or not.”

She tearfully stared up at him, “Yeah?”

He nodded, wiping her cheeks, “Yeah.”

—

Lando groaned, wanting to tear his face off with the knocking at his door. He just wanted people to leave him alone. Why didn’t anyone get that?

He forcefully pulled it open, shaking his head at whoever was daring to startle his mourning.

However, when his eyes met hers, their color shimmering with regretful tears, he breathed out a sigh of relief. Even though the reason for her presence wasn’t clear and his ability to reach out and kiss her wasn’t there anymore, he was still at peace to see her.

“Hi,” She whispered, stepping through the threshold hesitantly.

He stood, completely shocked, and she chuckled at his state before closing the door for him. Her hands landed on his waist as she coaxed them over to his couch, sitting the two of them down and taking his hands in hers.

She didn’t say anything for a few minutes, the two former lovers staring at each other and letting a loud silence take over. A loud silence between two people who still loved each other dearly.

When enough time passed, she exhaled and began with the speech she had been rehearsing for days prior, “Breaking up with you was the worst decision I ever made. Yet, it was something that had to happen. Without us parting ways, Max would’ve never found out and we would never be here, having the ability to be together publicly. I’m sorry for giving up on us, I wake up every day and wish I could take it back. But, I came here today because Max and I had a conversation yesterday where he made it clear that I had to come see you. Come fight for you. I love you and I want to be with you, always have, always will. I’m giving you everything I have and I’m hoping, fucking praying, that you’ll embrace your fears like I am and let us be together.”

Lando looked down at her, absorbing her words for a few moments. He stayed silent, staring at her before smiling. He let go of her hands to grab her face, bringing it to his. He kissed her like it was their first kiss all over again, signaling that he wanted to start over with her like she did with him. His lips nipped and sucked at her skin, only pulling away to whisper his love for her.

When they ran out of breath, he met her eyes and softly said, “Of course, I’ll embrace my fears for you. I was so fucking stupid not to before. You’re the only person that I’ve been able to get lost in. I love you like I’ve loved no one before and I’d be so idiotic to let you go again. That day, when you walked out, I should’ve followed you, I should’ve shown you, proven to you, how much I love you. Hearing you say that you would never believe I love you was like a million stabbings all at once and I should’ve used that emotion, that pain, to communicate how much you mean to me. I’m sorry for that and I’m so sorry for shutting you out the way I did before. Of course, I want people to know you’re mine. That’s always been it for me and the fact that I had it, and still didn’t take it, is lost on me. However, this all goes to say that I won’t let that happen again. I will love you and I will love you and I will love you until you’re sick of me.”

She laughed through her tears, pecking his lips shortly, “I’ll never get sick of you.”

He continued to grin at her, hands still holding her face to his, “Better not. If you did, I’d just force you to stay with me.”

She giggled, blushing at his words, before he melted fully into her. Hitting her nose with his, emotion pooled in his eyes, “Please never leave me again.”

She kissed his cheek, then his neck before coming to stare at him, hugging him as tightly as possible, “Never again. Ever. I promise.”

A tear slipped down his eye and she wiped it away. At the gentleness, he nuzzled his face into her neck and breathed out, feeling the weight of the world being lifted off his shoulders.

Another silence followed, yet, this time, it was a silence of two people who would never let the other go again.

Comforting and loving.

End.

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greatooglymooglyyy · 3 months

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Drowning (Chris Sturniolo)

contains: angst, drinking, verbal fighting, general sadness, a makeup, happy ending, 1.4k+ words

“Girl, what the hell are you thinking?” I snap at my best friend and roommate, Kelsey, as we whisper fight in the kitchen.

“Please, friend. I need you to wingman me. It's way too awkward if it’s just me.” She pleads, grabbing my wrist.

“This looks like a two man, Kels. Chris will kill me if he finds out there are three boys in our apartment.” I say with a sigh.

“Noooo, it’s so innocent.” She insists. “One of the boys is gay, and the other has a girlfriend."

“Kelsey…”

“Pleaseeeeeeee.”

I tilt my head back in defeat, closing my eyes, and pull my arm away from her. “Fine, but let me call Chris.”

She grins and kisses my cheek before grabbing a bottle of vodka and heading back into the living room with the boys.

I call Chris twice, but it goes straight to voicemail. He’s probably filming. I shoot him a text to call me when he’s done, and I head off after my friend.

***********

I throw my head back in laughter as one of the boys completes his dare to pretend to call his mom from jail. They have all actually been really cool so far, and I can tell Kelsey’s crush is feeling her as well.

I look down at my phone as I see Chris’ name flash across the screen. But as soon as I’m about to answer, the boy next to me accidentally knocks his drink over, right onto my phone.

“Fuck!” I say, hopping up and running to the kitchen to dry it off.

“Shit, I am so sorry.” He says, following right behind me.

“It’s okay. Just an accident.” I tell him with a tight smile.

He reaches above my head and grabs rice out of the cabinet and a zip-lock bag. “Here, leave it overnight, and it’ll be fine.” I nod and give him a small smile before dropping my phone in the bag with a sigh. I go back in the living room to Kelsey, my mood a little ruined.

“Can you text Chris that I broke my phone, please? I’m just gonna head up to bed.” I ask her. She frowns and checks the time, but I guess she reads the look on my face and just nods instead of complaining.

“Goodnight guys.” I throw over my shoulder as I head upstairs.

*****************

As soon as I wake up, I have a nagging feeling in my stomach. I head downstairs and, to my shock, see the boys from last night asleep on my couch. I massage my temples, feeling my irritation grow, and slip into the kitchen. “Thank god.” I say, as my phone powers on instead of the black screen I got last night. My stomach drops as I read all of Chris’ worried text from last night. I even have a couple from Nick and Matt.

I click his name to call, and he answers on the second ring.

“Hello?” He rasps, clearly fresh out of sleep.

“Hi, baby. I’m sorry about last night. My phone-”

“Hey, do you have an extra toothbrush?” A deep voice calls from behind me.

Shit. My breath hitches as I wait for Chris’ reaction. But instead, there’s just silence.

I turn to the boy behind me and shake my head, shooing him away, then clear my throat and call Chris’ name.

“There’s just no fucking way you’re that bold.” He says, his voice like steel. “Who the fuck is that?”

“That’s what I was trying to tell you last night.” I say quickly. “Kels invited some friends over. That’s all.”

He’s silent again for a second, so quiet that I double-check that he didn’t hang up.

“So it’s a coincidence that the night there are boys in your apartment, you literally go ghost all night?” He says. His voice is so calm that if I didn’t know better, I’d think he was asking about the weather.

“Chris. I don’t know what you are trying to say, but nothing happened. How stupid do you think I am?”

“I honestly never thought you were stupid at all until right now. Or a fucking liar.” And then all I hear are those three distinct beeps.

***********

I’m laying in bed, watching my comfort show, and trying not to think of watching this same episode with Chris. It’s been a week since he went no contact. I stopped trying after calling back to back for two days straight. I can’t make someone trust me, and I’m not the type to chase a man who’s running. But it doesn’t stop my chest from tightening up when I think of him. When I think about the weight of his head on my chest and the calmness of his presence, it takes all I have not to cry.

I hear a knock on my door, and I sigh. I’ve been avoiding Kelsey, but it’s really not her fault that my boyfriend had no trust in me. I get up, swing the door open, and find her standing there next to Chris.

He looks about as good as I feel. He’s got deep purple bags under his eyes, like he hasn’t been sleeping. I want to pull him into my arms and hold him. I want to wrap my legs around his waist and never let go. But instead, I just stand there with my arms crossed because I don’t know how to love a boy who doesn’t trust me.

“Before you say anything,” Kelsey starts, reading my expression like only she can. “Me and Nick trapped him into hearing me out. I told him how it all went down. And I’m sorry, I played a part in this, but you guys need to talk this out.”

She pushes Chris into the room and slams the door shut behind him before I can even get a word in. And then I’m so close to him, I think it will kill me. I look down at his shoes so I don’t have to meet his eyes as I say, “It’s okay, Chris. You can go.” I feel the heat of his fingers on my face before I feel them. He tilts my head up to his face, and steps very slightly closer.

“I’m sorry.” He says, barely above a whisper. And his words pull me out of my trance, like I’ve had cold water dumped on me. Because I’m not just heartbroken, I’m angry. I’m pissed. I take a big step backwards and give him my most convincing, nonchalant shrug.

“It’s fine. It showed me what kind of person you think I am.” I bite out. He flinches and rubs his hand over his face. When he meets my gaze again, his eyes have a bit of fire in them as well.

“Are you honestly telling me that if I told you this same story, you would believe me, no problem?” He asks with a sarcastic edge to his tone.

I step back toward him, narrowing my eyes. “Maybe not.” I concede. "But I would have heard you out. We would have talked it out. I mean, fuck. Maybe even fought it out. But I would have never disappeared on you. I would never give up on us without a fight. But clearly, you don’t feel the same.” This hits him right where I want it to, and I can tell. Regret and defeat flood his face, and he goes to reach for me before thinking better of it and lowering his arms.

“If I didn’t trust you, it would have never hit this hard. I’ve never done this before. I’ve never had anything I was this scared to lose.” He leans against my door now, and I can tell he’s fighting back tears. I’ve never seen him cry before, and it absolutely guts me. All I want to do is forget all of this. But, my mom always said, to forget is to be a fool, and I need assurance that he's a safe place to land.

Then he meets my eyes again, and I feel all my resolve cave in on itself.

“How do I know you won’t take the next chance you get to run?.” I ask, fighting to keep my voice steady and backing up to sit on the edge of my bed.

"Because I’m telling you I won’t.” He says, following me and then kneeling between my legs. “I know you think I was running away this week, but really I was just drowning without you.”

I loop my finger around his chain and pull him up to eye level. “Never again, Sturniolo.”

“Yes ma’am.” He says with a smile before pressing his lips against mine.

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strawberrysturniolo · 3 months

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can u do a fic where chris is w/ pregnant Reader and the reader has to tell him but chris finds out by himself. sorry if it’s so dry 😅

baby love // chris sturniolo

kinda took a different spin on this idea… hope you enjoy!!

summary: when you and your friends jokingly take some pregnancy tests, the nights becomes very serious when one of them comes up positive.

I had invited my friends over for some drinks tonight, the first time we’ve all been able to catch up with our busy work schedules and some of our studies.

I had been so busy trying to be a good host, making use of the limited room in my apartment, that my drink had sat untouched for hours.

No stupid ideas had been made until my friend Ramona opened her mouth.

“This is gonna sound super weird,” she started to say. “But I had ordered a few shitty pregnancy tests to prank my boyfriend with, and I don’t know what to do with the rest, so I brought them over and I thought we could all take one for shits and giggles.”

“That is the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard,” Lula remarked. I couldn’t keep myself from agreeing.

“We’ve all been drinking,” I remind Ramona. “If someone’s pregnant then we shouldn’t be drinking.”

“Well, none of us are gonna be pregnant,” she says in a matter of fact tone. “It’s just preparation for when we’re all pregnant at the same time, taking tests together.”

“I think it’s a cute idea, but maybe that’s the tequila talking,” Ellie adds.

I shrug, laughing at them. “Whatever, you guys go have fun peeing together.”

“Ummm,” Ramona looks at me with a devilish smile. “You’re coming with!”

Despite my arguing, here I am in the bathroom, peeing on a stick.

To make this situation worse, Ellie thought it was a great idea to scramble the tests up, so now we have no idea which test belonged to which person.

I leaned against the wall of the bathroom while my three friends stared at the sink’s counter, waiting for the results.

At the sound of a timer going off, my friends squealed as they flipped the tests over.

“Oh my god,” they say together.

It’s in that moment that I run to the sink, looking to see what they are gasping at.

Shit.

One of these is positive, and we have no clue who.

“Okay,” I say. “Let’s take some more tests. You have more, right?”

Ramona grabs her bag, scrambling for some more pregnancy tests. “I have two. So if two of us take it and they’re negative, we can get two more and try the other two girls. If one of these is positive, then we know who it was.”

“I’ll do it,” Ellie volunteers. “I hooked up with a guy a few weeks ago. My period hasn’t come around yet, but we hooked up at the end of my cycle, so I haven’t missed it yet. I’m not gonna be able to relax until I know if I’ve been drinking while I’m… you know.”

Lula stares at me from across the bathroom.

“What?” I snap, now scared of the chances of one of these belonging to me.

“You’re the one with a long term boyfriend,” she reminds me, mumbling, like she can sense that I’m about to break.

Chris and I have been dating less than a year. Everything is great, but I’m in no way in the position to have a baby right now. Neither is Chris.

“Whatever. I’ll take it,” I say, and I’m playing that same waiting game again.

This time, we keep track of the tests, mine in my hand, and Ellie’s in hers. We stand in a circle silently, until the timer interrupts our peace again.

When I flip the test over, I feel everything around me fall.

Fuck.

I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I want to be a mom more than anything, but I wanted to do this with Chris. I wanted us to plan this out. I wanted us to take the test together. I wanted us to be married, have a place together. I wanted this to be for us, not for my friends to suggest taking tests as a joke.

Thank god I didn’t have that drink.

I sit on the edge of the toilet, tears coming out of me before I can process any emotion. I cant figure out what these tears are. Happy? Sad? Confused? Scared?

I just want Chris.

—

The girls left for the night. We spent the next few hours trying to make light of the situation. They were supportive of me and wanted me to gather myself, and we practiced what I’m going to tell Chris.

I mean, there’s no doubt that this is his. It’s only ever been me and him.

As I’m finishing up my cleaning, I hear two knocks on my apartment door, followed by the creak of the hinges as the door swings open.

“Hey, baby,” Chris smiles at me.

I feel my heart drop, knowing I have this secret on the tip of my tongue, but I have no idea how to get it out.

I wave to him, I fucking wave to my boyfriend. I can’t make a sound.

“Baby?” he asks, his gaze softening. He can always sense when something is wrong.

He calls me baby all the time, but hearing it after the news I got today just makes me frown. I can’t keep this from him.

He hurries over to me when he sees my face drop. His arms wrap around me in the tightest, most secure hug, only making me more emotion. The tears start spilling out, and without realizing, I’m fucking wailing.

“Do you wanna tell me what’s wrong?” he says quietly, in a comforting tone. He sways us back and forth, trying to calm me down.

“Can I show you something?” I whisper, trying not to break down even more if I try raising my voice.

“Of course.”

I grab his hand, pulling him to my bathroom. I lead him in front of the sink and point to the two positive pregnancy tests sitting on the counter. It takes him a moment to realize what they are, but when he does, I watch the color wash from his face. He swallows nervously, making me cry even more. This isn’t how this was supposed to go. Not at all.

I let out another sob, and in that moment, Chris puts his own fears aside to comfort me again. He turns me away from the test, hiding them from my viewpoint. He holds me against his chest, keeping my grounded as he shushes me.

“Shhhh, it’s okay. Everything’s okay,” he assures me. “It’s gonna be fine.”

I shake my head against him. “You have your career. There’s so much you want to do. We had so many things we wanted to accomplish before we ever thought of a family.”

“Babe,” he says, cutting me off and grabbing my cheeks so I look at him, and only him. “This is between you and me. And I want to be with you more than anything else in the world. I have my whole life ahead of me to expand my career, but if this is a sign that this is the time we were meant to have a family, then I’m game if you are. You make the call here. I know what I want, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to make any one decision because of me.”

I love this man. So fucking much.

“I want to have babies with you,” I say. He nods, smiling softly.

“I want to have babies with you,” he says back.

“I wanted to do this together,” I tell him what I had told my friends. “I wanted this to be special.”

“It is special, because this is us. This is what was supposed to happen, don’t you think?”

I nod, letting him wipe my tears.

“All I want is for you to be happy. You can move in with me, or we can get our own place. We have a lot to figure out but trust me when I say it will get figured out. And you’re going to be the best fucking mom this world has ever seen.”

Some of that fear is replaced with excitement and passion at his words of encouragement, and he makes me sure of the fact that I could never imagine this with someone else.

It was always supposed to be him.

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vacantwatchers · 3 months

Text

Platonic Stobin discuss Steve's relationship with Nancy. It's kind of critical on Nancy bc I'm biased (and a hater). Read it on Ao3 here.

“Explain to me why Henderson thinks you’re into Nancy again.”

“Fuck knows, Rob. I haven’t seen her around, let alone spoken to her since all that shit at the mall.” He didn’t really like the way she’d frowned at Robin when they’d met up, definitely hadn’t liked the antagonistic tone she used when she’d asked who Robin was.

Steve felt Robin sigh before the gentle weight of her head rested atop his. “The little gremlin cornered me at lunch and demanded to know why we weren’t dating–”

“I’m out of your league,” Steve muttered to her right hand as he slowly coated her index in the dark red polish.

“Keep believing that, Popeye. He asked me if I thought you were repugnant or something and that's why I wouldn't give you the time of day.”

Steve paused to swipe away polish with his nail. “What does repugnant mean?”

Robin hummed, a little delay as she tried to find a definition for him. Steve can imagine her flicking through a little rolodex that’s full of what Robin considers Steve approved explanations.

In the space of his waiting, he’d managed to finish the first coat on her right hand and gently lifted her hand up, smiling to himself at the way Robin moved from his hand to his shoulder.

(It took three weeks of working in Family Video, working back to back shifts so dead they made the burnt shell of Starcourt look lively for Robin to come in one day with a bulging pencil case and the demand that “if you’re just going to sit there, at least paint my nails, dingus.” It took three attempts with Robin smudging her nails with her flailing before they established that when he finished a hand, he would lift it, and she would rest it on his shoulder.)

“Repugnant is like when something is really distasteful, unacceptable.”

“Tammy Thompson’s muppet singing is repugnant.”

Robin snorted into his hair. “Perfect use of repugnant, Steve. It’s also a word you can use similar to revolting, repulsive, disgusting and offensive.”

Pulling her left hand closer to his right side so he could see what he was doing, Steve hummed. “Okay. So Dustin thinks you think I’m revolting, repulsive, disgusting, and offensive?”

“Yeah, Steve, I told him I just couldn’t date such a disgusting man who spends twenty minutes on his hair after a shower and ignores me every time I tell him he needs to go to an optometrist because the way he can’t see makes me sad. No. I said that while I am happy to spend my life with you as my soulmate, we are strictly platonic.”

Sliding the brush back into the bottle, Steve gently swiped his nail down the side of Robin’s thumb. “That absolutely didn’t shut him up. Give them a minute before I do the next coat.”

Robin nodded her understanding, which made him nod. “No, me saying that didn’t stop him. Me asking if the reason he was so interested in your love life was because he was the one with the crush on you, however, did.”

“Ew, Robin, he’s like my brother.”

“That is exactly what he said, just with a lot more volume and yelling.”

Steve leaned further into the weight of Robin at his back, taking a moment to absorb the fact that she lets him take whatever touch he needs without freaking out the same way she does whenever someone else tries to touch her in the slightest. Uses the pause to organise his thoughts out of the jumbled train they come at him in. “I’m not sure when, uh. When we dated, I’m not sure it was love.”

“Okay.” Robin’s hum tingled through his diaphragm. “Talk it through, you were convinced last year you’d loved her. Don’t even try to think it out for me like you do, just say it all.”

“The ol’ Robin treatment, huh?”

“I hate that that is what you call it, but yes. Please proceed.”

“We dated, and I tried to be there for her, right? Like I had to go to these absolutely depressing dinners with Barb’s family every fucking week, because Nancy thought it was the right thing to do and I had to pretend to eat the food, and I tried to give her space when it felt like she was pulling away. I’d take her out to get her away from thinking about it all because I could see that she was struggling and thought maybe doing normal shit teenagers did would help. Would sit with her and listen when she needed me to, or just be with her when she needed silence. I’d ask about how she slept, and if she was still having nightmares, I would reach out and just try and hold her hand or hug her.

“But, I don't know. I’ve been thinking back on it, and Nancy never really did the same shit back, y’know. She would have these moods where she’d just be so angry. Angry at herself, the situation. Me. And I get it, it was fucked up and we couldn’t tell anyone without the threat of being taken away. But she’d go on and on about how we killed Barb and it was our fault and then it would turn into how it was my fault she was dead. And then so often she would say this line and at first I was like, she’s saying it in this fond way so she doesn’t mean it, but she said it so oft–”

“What would she say?”

Steve tilted his head back so he could look up at Robin. “What?”

“Nancy. What would she say?”

“Oh.” Steve looked back down, fiddling with the nail polish bottle. “She’d say ‘you’re an idiot, Steve Harrington’ and she’d make these comments, and I don’t even know if she was aware of it. Like she’d call me dumb and say don’t be stupid, or imply that I wouldn’t be able to do something or understand because I wouldn't get it.

“And when she went over my work she’d say it never made sense, and like, her tone, her tone always said it because I wasn’t smart enough. Like, she’d read over things and point and make comments, and honestly, it was more confusing than anything because the points made sense to me, but apparently not to her–”

Robin made her little grunting sound. She did it every time she needed to interject something. “Yeah but that's like, your mind's process. You do it when you talk too, that structuring thing you do where you make these links to things, and it all somehow flows. My mom said you might have something called dyslexia or dysgraphia. One of those two.”

Steve looked up at Robin, eyebrows scrunching up. “You talk to your mom about me? When did she even have time to figure that out?”

“I talk about you to her all the time because we both love you. And she noticed when you were helping me with my English homework.”

Huh. “Okay then.”

“Keep going with what you were saying, sailorman.”

Seven months, and she still hasn't given up on the nautical nicknames. Jesus.

“After early admissions for colleges had closed, Henderson actually found the essay I wrote, and he said it was good. That the parallels were there and with only a little tweaking it would have been great, and when I mentioned what Nancy said he kind of paused before reading it again and said he didn’t see what she was talking about. He even had his mom read it because for a while, she was admin for a college, and she said it would have gotten me in. After Christmas, I asked Nancy if she wanted to go with me to tour some colleges once and she looked at me when I dropped some of the names and said, ‘Do you think they’ll believe you’d fit in there?'"

“Jesus Christ,” Robin muttered.

“It just, it built up and I think at the time I was blind to it because I was trying to lose myself in the relationship, in being there for her.”

“What about you?” Robin’s hand slid down from its perch on his shoulder to his chest so she could pull him closer. “Was she there for you? Like, you told me that since ‘83 you can’t eat meat because of the smell of burning demogorgon put you off, and that having to lure the demodogs with meat was really triggering. And I know you have trouble sleeping and you have those awful nightmares that make it so that sometimes you can’t eat.

“Which, can I just say, is really concerning because you already have this habit of forgetting to eat even when you’ve brought lunch. And I know it’s probably something to do with the way you get stuck into stock or shelving, but I hate it when you get into that groove. But I’ve also figured out that you will eat anything I hand to you, as long as I’ve taken a bite first, so it’s not that bad.”

Needing to move a little, Steve tightened the nail polish and started shaking the bottle.

“Oh, uh. Those dinners with Barb’s family, it was always KFC, that’s why I never ate anything there. She’d actually get annoyed because she thought it was disrespectful? That I only ate the bread and chips? And after that first night where Barb died, Nancy never came over to my house again because she said it had too many bad memories and it made her uncomfortable to be there. So she never really saw the nightmares. When she wanted to see me, she would have me come over and she’d push me on the bed and then when she was done she’d tell me it was getting late, and kind of push me towards her window to go.”

“Steve– that doesn't sound healthy at all.”

"Yeah."

Lifting the nail polish bottle, Robin took it as the signal it was and dropped her hand in his again.

“I think, even when I was dating her, she talked more to Jonathan than me.”

“That’s fucked up, Steve.”

“I think that’s just trauma, Bobby. We weren’t good together. I don’t know. Whatever Dustin is seeing between us is completely in his head. Especially considering the money moves I'm making with Operation Metalhead.”

“You need to stop saying money moves. All you've done is wave at him and blush when he loaned you a Megadeth tape.”

Gently guiding her hand back into his best field of vision, Steve started in on the second coat. “I don't know, sounds pretty money to me.”

Steve felt Robin inhale for a deep sigh, her warmth increasing against his back for a moment before she exhaled. "I think Eddie might have actually graduated before Operation Metalhead gets anywhere close to being a success."

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #nancy wheeler critical honestly #platonic stobin #pre steddie #steddie fic

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waitimcomingtoo · 5 months

Text

Meatballs! At the Unspecified Celebratory Event

Pairing: Tom Holland x ex!reader

Synopsis: you and Tom see each other at a family event for the first time since your breakup

Masterlist

“Thanks so much for having me. It’s good to see you again.”

“Of course. You know you’re always welcome. Now go grab some meatballs. I made them myself.” Sam said and squeezed your arm. You smiled in return before going over to the food table.

You put a few meatballs into your plate and mingled in the crowd with friends of the family that you hadn’t seen in a while. You heard someone being greeted by several people as they came in and looked up out of curiosity. Thats when you and Tom made eye contact. You quickly looked away and turned your body while you prayed that he hadn’t seen you. He had, of course, and was immediately making his way over to you.

“Hey.” Tom said when he finally got to you.

“Your mom told me to come.” You said at the same time. You then both apologized at the same time for cutting the other off.

“Oh. Sorry. You first.” Tom said and gestured to you.

“Sorry. Your mom told me to come.” You quickly explained. “I told her it would be too weird now that we’re broken up and everything but she insisted. Plus, I wanted to support Sam.”

“It’s okay. I’m really glad you’re here. I’m happy to see you.” Tom said sincerely. You smiled awkwardly and looked around the crowd to avoid eye contact. Tom looked around the crowd as well and briefly wondered that the purpose of the gathering was. The awkward silence went on for so long that it became palpable and you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Look, Tom, I really never would’ve shown up like this if I knew you were gonna be here. I’d hate to make things awkward. But Harry told me it was safe to come. I thought you were filming in LA?” You asked and felt yourself cringing over how much you were over explaining your presence.

“I am. I have the weekend off so I came to support Sam.” Tom answered and felt disappointed now that he knew you hadn’t come just to see him.

“Oh. That’s nice. I love LA. It’s so…hot.” You faked another smile and looked away. Tom felt the conversation falling flat but was desperate to keep talking to you.

“So, uh, you still keep in touch with mum?” He asked you.

“Yeah, yeah. Not that much, though. She checks in on me and I do the same.”

“That’s nice. And I’m guessing you still talk to Harry since he told you I was filming?” He asked and looked over at Harry who had conveniently never mentioned that he was still in contact with you.

“Oh, yeah. Him too.” You laughed nervously. “We were good friends so, yeah. He and I still talk.”

“And you came to support Sam. Who must’ve sent you an invite. To your new place. Since you moved out.” Tom realized with a tight smile.

“He actually didn’t send it to my new place. He gave me an invite the last time I was over his place, so…” You trailed off when you realized your attempt to make him feel better was probably just making things worse.

“Which was…” Tom asked.

“Oh, a couple weeks ago. He had me and Paddy over to try some new recipe. It wasn’t anything serious.” You explained and tried to make it sound as uneventful as possible.

“I see. So you’re still talking to the whole family. Everyone but me.” He said with a tight smile. You could see the sadness in his eyes now that he had learned this information and wished you hadn’t said anything.

“Yeah. Sorry. It felt wrong to just cut ties completely. It’s not like I broke up with them.” You laughed awkwardly.

“Right. Just me.” He returned the laugh and sounded just as awkward. An uncomfortable silence fell between you for a long time now that you had run out of things to say. You made brief eye contact with him and quickly looked away as you scanned the party for something to talk about.

“I haven’t talked to your dad since the breakup, if that helps.” You said finally.

“It helps a little.” Tom shrugged.

“Oh, good, it does?”

“Not really.” He admitted. “Nothing does.”

“Yeah. Me either.” You shrugged and took a long sip of your drink. Tom’s eyebrows went up in surprise to hear that you were struggling just as much.

“Really?” He asked quietly. You looked into his eyes and debated telling him just how much you missed him. You ultimately decided against it since it wasn’t the time or place to have that conversation.

“The food was really good, wasn’t it? I loved the meatballs.” You asked to change the subject. You had no idea how to make small talk with someone you used to have a life with.

“Yeah. So good. Sam’s great.” Tom nodded in agreement even though he hadn’t tried any food yet.

“So great.” You echoed. You both hated the faking niceties with each other but you had no idea how else to interact now that you were broken up. Thankfully, Harry walked up to the two of you with a plate of food and relieved some of the tension.

“Hey.” He said to you before realizing Tom was there too. “Oh. Sorry. I didn’t realize you guys were talking. Should I leave?”

“No!” You and Tom said in unison. Harry leaving meant you’d have to scramble to find more things to say so you were desperate to keep him there. Harry gave you both a strange look over how enthusiastically you said no before taking a bite of one of his meatballs.

“It’s fine. What did you need?” You asked him.

“That guy I told you about is here. He wants to meet you.” Harry said and pointed over his shoulder. Tom followed his finger and saw a 6 foot tall blonde guy covered in those little minimalistic tattoos. The very tattoos you once told Tom you loved on other people.

“Oh, great.” You smiled and waved to the guy. Tom looked between you and the guy several times and felt jealousy bubble up inside him.

“Who’s that guy?” He asked through a forced laugh so he didn’t sound as worried as he felt.

“That’s Garrett. He’s one of my photographs buddies.” Harry explained.

“I’ll go say hi.” You told Harry before going over to the guy. Tom watched you hug him hello and clenched his jaw.

“Woah, mate. Whats going on with you? If you stare any harder, that vein in your neck is gonna explode.” Harry said to him.

“Who is that guy?” Tom whispered harshly.

“I told you. He’s a friend from film school. I hooked him up with Y/n.”

“Hooked up?” Tom almost shouted. “What do you mean hooked up?”

“Oh my God. Down boy.” Harry snorted. “I mean I hooked them up to work on a project together. She wants him to shoot something for her.”

“If she needs pictures then why can’t you do it?”

“Because shes like my sister so I don’t want to see her in her underwear.” Harry said like it was obvious. Tom’s stomach dropped and he looked back over at you and Garrett. You were laughing at something he had said and Tom’s jealousy doubled.

“Underwear? What are you talking about?” Tom asked.

“I don’t know. She wants to do some album art in this vintage lingerie she found and he specializes in the style she was going for. I wasn’t really listening when she was explaining because I was too focused on the meatballs.” Harry shrugged and took another bite of his food. Tom snatched Harry plate and put it down on the nearest table.

“Stop eating the meatballs for one second. Are you telling me you asked that guy to take pictures of her in her underwear?” Tom whispered angrily.

“Yes, Tom. I approached my friend and asked him to take photos of my brothers ex girlfriend in her underwear specifically for my own enjoyment.” Harry said sarcastically. Tom gave him an annoyed look so Harry stopped being sarcastic.

“No. She needed a photographer, he needed a job, so I hooked them up. Thats the end of the very simple and very boring story of why Y/n is talking to that guy.”

“Stop saying hooked them up. You’re making it sound like they’re gonna date. Does he even know about me?” Tom asked as he stared daggers over at you and Garrett.

“He’s seen Spies in Disguise.” Harry shrugged.

“Oh my God.” Tom groaned. “I don’t mean my films. Does he know I’m her boyfriend?”

“You mean ex boyfriend?” Harry said out of the corner of his mouth. Tom gave him a look and Harry quickly shoved another meatball into his mouth.

“Fine. Ex. Does he know we used to date?”

“Relax, mate. I’m your brother. I’m not gonna throw your girl into the arms of another man. We’re all rooting for you guys to get back together.”

“Okay, good.” Tom sighed in relief.

“But sometimes, in order to realize who your soulmate is, you have to sleep with a beefy photographer who has tattoos straight off a Pinterest board.”

“WHAT?” Tom shouted this time, causing a few people to look over at them.

“Oh my God. It was a joke.” Harry groaned. “Chill out. How are you still this uptight when there are delicious meatballs around?”

“Enough with the meatballs.” Tom hissed. “You don’t really think she’s gonna sleep with him, do you?”

“Hm. Probably not.” Harry shrugged as he looked over at you and Garrett.

“Good.” Tom sighed.

“But my boy is a dawg so he’s definitely gonna try.” Harry snorted and ate another meatball. Tom looked at him with an unamused expression and Harry stopped chewing.

“Sorry.” He mumbled. “Wrong crowd.”

“It doesn’t matter if he tries. She’d never go for a guy like that. He’s all wrong for her. Right?” Tom asked nervously.

“Mate, don’t do this here. We’re here to support Sam. This is not the time or place to fight for your girls honor.” Harry pointed out. Tom reluctantly nodded in agreement and turned to watch you again. Garrett had his hand on your shoulder now as he told you some story.

“Nope. I can’t watch this. I need to talk to her.” Tom decided and crossed the room to get to you. You and Garrett were laughing at something so Tom started laughing too until you noticed he was there.

“Oh, Garrett, this is Tom.” You said to bring Tom into the conversation.

“Hey, man. I loved you in Spies in Disguise.” Garrett said as he shook his hands. Tom felt slightly annoyed that he couldn’t hate this guy since he was nice.

“Thanks.” Tom said quietly. An awkward silence fell between the three of you and all laughter ceased.

“It’s a great movie. Underrated as hell.” You added after an awkward beat of silence.

“Thank you, darling.” Tom said sincerely. “So what were you guys talking about?”

“We were talking about maybe working together for a shoot.” Garrett answered.

“Right. Harry was telling me about it. I wanted to tell you that you can come over and grab some of your sets if you need them for the shoot. You left a lot at my place.” Tom said to you. You narrowed your eyes at him but couldn’t help but smile. You knew exactly what he was doing and he knew it too. He smiled innocently at you before checking for Garrett’s reaction.

“His place? Why would your stuff be there?” Garett wondered.

“Of course it’s at my place. Where else would she be wearing lingerie?” Tom asked with a simple shrug. You turned your face so he wouldn’t see you laughing at what he said.

“Wait, so, how do you guys know each other?” Garrett asked you.

“Oh, I’m sorry. She must not have mentioned. I know her from being her boyfriend.” Tom said and put an arm around you.

“Ex boyfriend.” You smiled sarcastically and pushed his arm off.

“Semantics.” Tom shrugged.

“Ex?” Garett raised his eyebrows. “Wow. Thats great news. I didn’t think a girl as pretty as you was available.”

“Oh, I’m not.” You laughed awkwardly.

“You’re not?” Garett frowned.

“You’re not?” Tom smiled in surprise.

“I mean, I am, but not for you two. Excuse me.” You smiled at them both and quickly exited the conversation. Tom and Garrett looked at each other with a new sense of competition between them.

“Spies in Disguise wasn’t even that good.” Garett mumbled out of the corner of his mouth.

“Tell that to my Kids Choice Award.” Tom snapped.

“I will.” Garrett said mockingly. They exchanged sharp looks with one another before Tom walked away. He searched the room for you but couldn’t find you for a while. He asked around to see if anyone had seen you but had no luck. He sighed and went outside the restaurant to get some air. Coincidentally, you had the same idea. You were leaning against the wall of the restaurant with a drink in your hand and staring out into the night.

“Hey.” Tom said as he approached you.

“Jesus Christ.” You jumped.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. But I have been looking for you. Do you think we could talk?”

“About what?” You played dumb and took a long sip of your drink. Tom kicked some gravel on the ground and kept his eyes down.

“Us.”

“Is it really a good time? My blood is like 70% red sauce right now.” You groaned and patted your full stomach.

“When else? You don’t return any of my calls.” Tom said without looking in your eyes. You could hear how upset he was over that you felt bad for ignoring him for so long.

“Because we broke up. People who break up aren’t supposed to talk.” You said gently.

“But we weren’t supposed to break up.“ he insisted and looked up at you.

“How can you say that when you’re the one who broke up with me?”

“It was a mistake. I just blurted that out during the fight. I was frustrated from the terrible day I had so I took it out on you. I never meant to say I wanted to break up.”

“But you did.“ You reminded him. “I don’t care how frustrated you were. I never would’ve said that to you.”

“I know.” He sighed. “And believe me, I’ve wished I could take it back from the second it left my lips.”

“Then why’d you say it?” You asked quietly.

“I don’t know.” He answered honestly. “It just fell out of my mouth.”

“Because you don’t have any lips to stop it?” You asked with a coy smile. Tom looked at you in surprise and could tell you felt proud of that one.

“That kinda sounded like you forgiving me.” He smiled cheekily.

“Maybe I’m just trying to get back into a family that can produce meatballs like this.” You shrugged and avoided eye contact. You could feel Tom staring at you so you kept your eyes out on the London skyline.

“Why’d you come tonight?” He asked after a beat of silence.

“I told you. Your mom invited me. And I wanted to support Sam.”

“Support Sam doing what, though?” Tom genuinely wondered. “What is party even for? Sam just told me I had to come. I don’t even know what we’re celebrating.”

“I honestly don’t know either.” You admitted. “Your mom just told me Sam was having a party and making meatballs. I’ve been trying to figure out if it was a birthday or graduation from the decorations but they’re too vague. I’m just avoiding Sam so he doesn’t figure out that I don’t know what this event is for.”

“Maybe it’s just a meatball party.” Tom shrugged.

“Maybe.” You laughed softly and finally looked at him. When you looked into his eyes, you couldn’t bring yourself to be mad at him anymore. Whatever had started the fight was long gone from your memory. You didn’t care anymore. You just wanted to get back to how you used to be.

“I knew you were gonna be here today.” You confessed. “That’s why I showed up.”

“Really?” Tom asked and took a step closer to you.

“Really. I just didn’t want to have this conversation over the phone. That’s why I haven’t been answering your calls.”

“And what conversation might that be?” Tom asked and got even closer.

“The ‘I really miss you even though you’re a massive dingus who doesn’t deserve me’ conversation.” You said with a sheepish smile. Tom smiled in return and moved some hair off your face.

“I am a massive dingus.” He agreed. “And I don’t deserve you.”

“I already established that.”

“But what was that? Did I catch you saying you miss me?” He asked playfully and cupped his ear. You rolled your eyes and stepped into his arms to hug him.

“Of course I do. All the photographers I’ve been sleeping with made me miss what we had.” You said against his chest.

“I’ve missed you too, darling.” He sighed happily. “Wait, what that now?”

“I’m kidding. Kind of. Can we make up now?” You asked and pulled out of the hug just enough to look at him. Instead of replying, he leaned down to kiss you for the first time in weeks. It felt like you were picking right back up where you left off as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“That was a joke right?” He laughed once you pulled out of the kiss. Your eyes darted to the side as you pulled out of the embrace.

“We should go inside.”You changed the subject. “I just have to get some more of those meatballs.”

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#tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland fluff #tom holland fanfiction #Tom holland x ex!reader #tom holland angst #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfic #tom holland

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xetswan · 9 months

Text

Youngest Shadow- Chapter One, Two Sisters, Dad

One | two | three | four | five | six |

I was never a people person, not wanting to rely on someone.

Especially family, I didn’t need help.

I am not vulnerable, I couldn’t be. I saw how it affected people on a daily. High schoolers in relationships getting dumped, cheated on, having to many dramas in between them.

It was unnecessary.

I had my small circle and most of them were blood related to me.

My mom, my sister, Bella, and my father who lived across the country.

Oh, and my best friend. But practically family.

I’m content in my lifestyle too. I didn’t need pity from anyone. Either way that’s what I get from everyone. Even my older sister who tried to act like she understands.

My life was consistent. Making sure my mom was happy, helping my sister from losing her mind because of mom needing so much adventure. Other than doing that I played sports, practicing everyday.

Trying my best, not to be the best but to keep up my adrenaline. Running helps the most.

Adrenaline kept me alive, if I could jump off an airplane I would. I would do every crazy thing imaginable just because of the adrenaline that came with it.

Even little things can entice me. My piercings, having to make them a secret from coaches to play sports. Riding my motorcycle anytime was the best feeling after getting it.

I snuck out a few times, not even to do crazy things but to just say I did it.

You would think living in Arizona helped me with keeping my adrenaline up but you’d be wrong. It’s the same thing everyday now. I know what’s around.

And the heat, don’t get me started.

As much as I love my mom, I wanted to be in a forest hiking, see a fucking wild animal that could attack me. Jump off cliffs for the hell of it. Ride my motorcycle on different roads.

Seeing my dad, maybe join him in action. Hunt with him even.

Speaking of which, I stood beside Bella, my older sister by 10 months. She had just said goodbye to some “friends” who seemed like they could care less that she was leaving.

I turn to see our mom walking out of the house, so much energy balled into one person. She had hints of sadness and anxiety pulled on her face, trying to hide it with being happy for us.

She thrusts a phone into the hands of my sister, “It won’t work again, baby.” She frowned, her face always looked like it moved with every feeling she had. Never being able to hide how she felt. “You put it on hold.” Bella points out, the tiniest bit amused.

“I did?”

I smirk, trying to stop myself from laughing.

As much as it is funny it is worrisome, how will we reach her if she doesn’t even know how to work a phone.

“Look, you also called Mexico.” Renée pushes Bella, nudging me as well as the three of us laugh.

“I’ll figure it out. You gotta be able to reach me and Phil on the road.” She exclaims right before she gets excited. “I love saying that,” she grins, “On the road.”

“Very romantic,”

“Very.”

Bella and I both say, silently glancing at each other.

Phil comes up behind our mom, “If you call crappy motels, back water towns and ballpark hot dogs romantic.” He jokes, well partially since he was serious.

He places a Phoenix Desert Dogs baseball hat on Renées head, along with kisses her.

Looking at them partly soothes my nerves about leaving mom. I’m sure Bella feels the same since we practically took care of her for so long. Even though it should’ve been the other way around.

Phil walks away, to finish packing the car with our things. Renée grabs a hold of both of our arms, clinging to us as we walk to the vehicles.

I’m driving my motorcycle, mom wanted to get a trailer for it since it’s a really long drive but I convinced her not to. I couldn’t sit in a car with them for that long.

Plus I have a feeling Charlie is going to force me to anyway.

“Now you know if you two change your minds, I’ll race back here from wherever the game is.” Her face strained trying to hide how even though it would be a sacrifice she would still do it for us.

“You don’t have to worry.” I force a smile, Bella doing the same.

“We won’t change our minds mom.”

“You might, Bella. You’ve always hated Forks.” That’s true, I usually visited more than her. I had a closer relationship to dad, due to my interest of hunting like him.

“It’s not about Forks, it’s about dad. I mean unlike [Name], I went two weeks a year. We barely know each other.” She explains but I think it just worsened our moms worried expression. “Mom, I’m fine. I want to go. I got [Name] there with me.” She looked between us, hugging her eldest, whose face drops once she knew her mom couldn’t see it. It was full of dread and doubt. I also noticed the regret but kept quiet when she wants to bring it up she will.

They let go and Bella climbs into the car, moms attention going to me.

“I want you behind us at all times, you do not pass this vehicle. And no swerving.” She furrows her eyebrows, staring at me. “And don’t be stupid.” I add with a smirk, she rolls her eyes in a humorous way.

“I just want my baby girl safe.” She pouts, pulling me into a tight hug. “You don’t have to worry with me.” I miss her cheek, pushing out of the hug as I knew it would’ve been longer if I didn’t.

“Alright helmet and jacket and let’s go!” She pats my butt, reaching over and getting my helmet to give it to me. She gets into the van and I adjust my wired earbuds so one goes into my ear, stuffing the rest into my jacket and zipping it up.

I pull my helmet on and I press play on my iPod.

Getting to Washington State was a breath of fresh air, not only for my tired hand but the change of view and weather. My sister called it gloomy, never paying attention to the beauty of it all.

Dad surprisingly let me continue driving my bike, it was bittersweet for me. Really it was because he forgot the trailer. I kind of wish he did bring it because slouching like this for hours is not exactly fun. My back will be aching for weeks.

I’m just glad I didn’t have to sit in the awkward atmosphere of them two in that cruiser.

We passed a sign that said “The City Of Forms Welcomes You. Population 3246.”

I smile to myself.

Passing all of the familiar buildings I was missing felt amazing.

We pulled into Charlie’s driveway, I take my helmet off, sitting up straight for the first time in a few hours. Charlie comes over and messes with my hair as I climbed to his torso like a little kid. We laugh and he hugs me back.

I was the first to get into the house, putting my things right in my room. Really throwing them on the ground and rushing back out to see if Bella needs any help. My room was the only one downstairs. Dad had to make add it onto the house when they found out they were having me surprisingly.

I was truly the accident out of the two. Only three months after Bella was born was when I came around.

“I put Grandpas desk in your room. And I cleaned some shelves in the bathroom for you two.” He was mainly speaking to Bella. I watched her grimace. “That’s right, one bathroom.”

I followed her eyes around the house, going straight to a picture of our parents when they were younger and in love. “I’ll put these up in your room.” Charlie motions to her bags.

“I can’t do it.”

I silently stand there as they both reach for the bags, awkwardly bumping into each other causing me to cringe at the scene.

She backs off, letting him do it anyway. Which she should’ve done in the beginning. And I wouldn’t have seen that go down.

After that… experience, I followed my dad to the living room. “That was, nice.” He pauses for a minute before sighing. I place a hand on his shoulder. “It’ll get better. This is just new for both of you.” I smile sweetly and he nods, swinging an arm around my shoulders. But internally I’m just hoping I’m right. It’s going to be a long two years if I’m wrong. “What would I do without you?” He nudges me.

He lets go of me, telling me about how Billy and Jacob should be here soon to drop off surprises they’ve been working on. The one for Bella I knew about.

And right after it was spoken into the air we heard a honk outside.

I stand up straighter and run outside. A boy my age hops out of the red truck, rushing to give me a hug. “Jacob!” I laugh, this was the best friend I was talking about. My absolute best friend.

“Bella, you remember Billy Black.” Charlie speaks up, obviously Bella came outside after hearing the honk as well.

I let go of Jacob, “Glad you two are finally here. Charlie hasn’t shut up about it since you two told him y’all were coming.” He teases our dad, both Jacob and I snicker at the two who have always acted like this.

“Keep exaggerating, I’ll wheel you down the hill.” He tells the man who’s in a wheelchair.

“Right after I ram you in the ankles.” Billy goes after Charlie who dodges. Jacob shakes his head, I take him up to Bella. Poking him to say something.

“I’m Jacob, we made mud pies together when we were little kids.” He exclaims, she squints almost unnoticeably. “Yeah I think I remember.”

“Are they always like this?” She points to the two dads. “It’s getting worse with age.” He jokes.

Jacob always had a crush on Bella, so it was cute watching him finally be able to interact with her and not be a nervous little kid.

Cutting us out of our small silence Charlie pats the hood of the truck. We didn’t even notice they stopped messing around. “So what do you think of your homecoming gift?” He grins proudly. I watched my sisters face contort to confusion to happiness. “No way. The truck is for me?” Turning my focus to my dad who was soaking in her excitement. “Just bought it off Billy here.”

“I rebuilt the engine.” Jacob adds in.

“It’s perfect.” Her smile grew bigger, and more genuine. It was great to see her eager and happy about something. Her and Jacob rush to the truck so he could explain everything to her.

My dad snuck up to me, handing a small box. I look up at him confused. “Open it.” He motions. I stare at it for a minute, glancing over to Billy who puts his hands up as to say he knew as much as I did.

I bit my lip, opening the box carefully.

It had a locket inside, the same locket I would stare at in the window of an abandoned antique store that no one would clean out. The place I begged my dad to go into just to get me that necklace.

“The place finally got cleaned out and I just happened to be on patrol before they got rid of it.” He tells me.

“It doesn’t have a picture in it yet but I thought you could pick one you’d like.” I threw my arms around him, “it’s beautiful.�� I pulled away to look at it in my hands again as it was a delicate flower.

#bella swan #carlisle cullen #jacob black #jasper whitlock #twilight #alice cullen #alice cullen x reader #jasper hale #jasper hale x reader #twilight x reader #esme cullen #rosalie hale #rosalie cullen #emmett cullen #twilight imagine

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reidspharb · 10 months

Text

The Moment I Knew

*Part two

Summary: Spencer misses your 25th birthday and that’s when you realize your relationship can’t be fixed.

Word count: 800 or something idk ICBA shes a short one

Warnings: angst, Reid is a shitty boyfriend in this one

Note: hi this was written at 3 am and I’m new to writing so if this sucks sorry anyways but I got this idea from Taylor Swifts song by the Same name and I thought I would write it so yeah enjoy

Sure, you were so happy all your friends were there and everyone was having a good time… but you couldn’t help but think about Spence.

It was 10 pm, the party started at 8 and he still wasn’t there like he promised. You couldn’t help but think about him coming through the door right now, gifts in hand as he did on your last birthday with that baby I’m right here smile.

You knew he couldn’t be here, and you knew how much he valued his work, but, he wasn’t even on a case far away… he was here, in Virginia, and he couldn’t even call to wish you a happy birthday.

Your eyes were locked on the door most of the time as you socialized. People asked about him, about your relationship, and the most you could give them was a sad smile and a dishonest word about how great everything was going.

“So how have you been,” your friend Sarah said as she laughed and took a sip of her drink “I mean I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever!”

you plastered on the brightest fake smile you could and mustered up an answer just normal enough to get you by.

“I've been okay, you know, with work and everything.”

All you could think about was him, how he said he would be there. He told you- no he promised you weeks in advance that he would be here. But he’s not.

You felt stupid, standing there all dolled up in your tight black dress and red lipstick. You thought maybe if you dressed up nice he would make sure to be there, but then again, there you were with no one to impress.

You knew it was hopeless, there you were on your birthday staring at the door and watching the clock tick as everyone around you danced and laughed. You looked around the room, trying to spot him in the crowd but who were you fooling, you knew he wasn’t there.

As you listened to your loved ones sing happy birthday around you, you could only hear his voice in your memory. When you blew out those candles your only wish was for him to be there with you. You should’ve been so happy, but he was the one thing missing.

Then it was 1 am, and you were barely tipsy. you already had a nervous stomach, you knew drinking would only make it worse. By now you were sick of everyone being around you, you just wanted to be alone. You stumbled to the bathroom over some discarded red cups and locked yourself in there, tears burning at your eyes when you saw yourself in the mirror.

You did your makeup the way he liked it too so that if you sent pictures he really wouldn’t miss it, such a naive thing to think you told yourself. You heard a knock on your door and there were your two best friends, Tegan and Oliver, mixed with the emotions of seeing them staring at you with so much pity in their eyes and Spencer being away made you break down.

Tegan held you as you sobbed, mascara dripping down your cheeks with every tear.

“He said- he said he would be here…”

“I'm so sorry, love bug, I wish I could grab him and rip him into pieces. You deserve so much better.” Said Oliver, holding your cold hands.

You felt so embarrassed, sitting there in front of your friends crying about some stupid boy. But he was the one who meant the most to you and he wasn’t there.

The next morning you woke up on your couch, head pounding. Your apartment was trashed, there were plastic cups scattered all over the room. As you stepped over them to get ready for the day, you felt a sharp pain in your chest as you heard Spencer’s familiar ringtone playing from your phone.

“Hey doll, it’s me” he sighed on the other line of the phone.

“Hi, Spencer.” You mumbled. You knew it would hurt to say his whole name instead of the nickname you’d been calling him since the day you met him.

“I'm so sorry I didn’t make it babe I was caught up in paperwork and I lost tra-“ you interrupted his rambling, you didn’t care anymore.

“It’s fine. I’ll talk to you later Spencer.” You hissed into the phone before hitting the red button on the screen and setting your phone back down on the counter.

That was the moment you knew.

That was the moment you knew that this would never work out.

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a-dauntless-daffodil · 2 months

Text

Charlie: (folded up and hunched over with chin in hands) (brooding)

Vaggie: "Someone's got a lovely long face today."

Charlie: (sighs) "Sorry..."

Vaggie: "Don't be, sweetie." (sits and hunches over too, hands clasped) "What's got you down?"

Charlie: "You, kinda."

Vaggie: "Me?" (terrified) "What did-"

Charlie: "And all this." (waves at vaggie next to her) "Specifically."

Vaggie: (edges away) "Is it the 'sweetie' thing? 'Cause I'll stop-"

Charlie: "No. No, I like it." (sighs again) "Vaggie, in the wonderful, amazing, dream-like over a YEAR we've known each other now, have you ever, like..."

Vaggie: (edging closer again) "...have I ever...?"

Charlie: "Killed anyone?"

Vaggie: "Wh- No!"

Charlie: "Not even a little?"

Vaggie: "What would 'killed them a little' even look like..? I mean, sure I've thought about maiming people, and probably would've a few times if you hadn't been there, but-"

Charlie: "What about when I wasn't looking? No... sneaking out for some midnight murder sprees?"

Vaggie: "Charlie- I can't even get up to use the bathroom without you tearing up half the bed with your claws looking for me. We've had to get new sheets three times this month. And last time I took a midnight shower, I found you curled up on the floor just outside the door afterwards. I almost STEPPED on you!"

Charlie: (pouting) "You were gone when I woke up."

Vaggie: "I was gone maybe ten minutes."

Charlie: "And I was missing you."

Vaggie: "Yeah. I figured." (smiles) "So how the fuck am I supposed to be sneaking out to kill people, when I'm best friends with the biggest cuddle bug in all creation?"

Charlie: "I don't know!" (frustrated) "NONE of this makes any SENSE!"

Vaggie: ".... now I feel like I'm missing something."

Charlie: "You're not though! That's why-" (GROWLS) (yanks at hair)

Vaggie: "Okay, hey- Charlie?" (takes her hand) "Talk to me?"

Charlie: "....."

Charlie: "...why're you still here?"

Vaggie: "Do you... want me to move out?"

Charlie: "NO! Never! I, you- I don't even know how I'd-"

Vaggie: "So that's not the problem here. What is?"

Charlie: "The PROBLEM is- I want you here, but you shouldn't BE here! You're not a bad person! Whatever you did or used to do- you haven't been for a whole YEAR, and I'm just- just being stupid and selfish wanting you to stay, but you-"

Vaggie: "You're not-"

Charlie: "-aren’t doing anything bad! So WHY-"

Vaggie: "Charlie, hold on- no- you're not stupid or selfish. You've been alone, and that's not something you did anything to deserve, okay?"

Charlie: "...."

Vaggie: "You can be sad without apologizing for it too, you know."

Charlie: (slumping) "Why are you still in hell, Vaggie?"

Vaggie: (wryly) "Not like I've got wings to flutter off with."

Charlie: "You deserve them."

Vaggie: "..... thanks for saying so, sweetie."

Charlie: "It's true."

Vaggie: “Pretty sure it’s not, since I don’t have them.”

Charlie: “You should. You should have them.”

Vaggie: “I’d rather have this.”

Vaggie: (lifts their hands)

Vaggie: “Who needs wings, when you’ve got the best cuddle bug ever. Right?”

Charlie: (holds tight) “…heaven’s probably better. Full of people you wouldn’t want to even maim. That’s where you belong, not down here in hell…”

Vaggie: “…with you?”

Charlie: “Oh I’d be fine!”

Vaggie: (lifts brow)

Charlie: “Really!” (looks away) “It’d be good. Knowing you’re up there in heaven, and, happy.”

Vaggie: “I wouldn’t be happy.”

Charlie: “Sure you would.” (miserable) “It’s heaven.”

Vaggie: “Hell’s better. It’s where you are.”

Charlie: “Vaggie…”

Vaggie: “Charlie.”

Charlie: “Be serious? Please?”

Vaggie: “I am. But it's not gonna work if you don’t listen to it.”

Charlie: “Fine.”

Charlie: (deep breath) (looks vaggie in the eye)

Charlie: “Vaggie. Do you want me to try getting you into heaven?”

Vaggie: “No.”

Charlie: (voice crack) “Are you SURE?”

Vaggie: “I’m not going anywhere. I’d miss you too much.”

Charlie: “...okay.”

Charlie: (laughs wetly) “Okay. I’d. Same.”

Vaggie: “Yeah.”

Vaggie: (dabs away charlie’s tears)

Vaggie: “You’ve been feeling extra lonely haven' you, thinking about all that on your own.”

Charlie: “Maybe. A little.”

Vaggie: “…sorry I didn’t, you know. Make sure you knew sooner. ”

Charile: (laughs for real) “Don’t be. Not like I asked.”

Vaggie: (smiles) “Sorry for making you feel like you even had to ask.”

Charlie: “Um. Uh.” (clears throat) “You’re forgiven?”

Vaggie: (chuckles)

Charlie: “…and, you’ll tell me, if you change your mind? About the whole heaven thing?”

Vaggie: “I won’t change my mind, Charlie.”

Charlie: “But if you do, you’ll say so?”

Vaggie: “Mmm, kinda feels like you’re saying it like you think I will.”

Charlie: “No. I mean you can, I just… don’t wanna worry about it like this again.”

Vaggie: “Oh. Then I promise-”

Charlie: “Thank you.”

Vaggie: “-if you promise me you’ll let me know what’s going on in that brilliant head of yours.”

Charlie: “Pfft- More silly than brilliant. Didn’t wanna bother you.”

Vaggie: “Bother me? Now you're really sounding silly. You’re not the only one who’s been lonely.”

Charlie: “Huh? You? Why were you- Ohhh…”

Vaggie: “You’ve been a million miles away lately. Welcome back.”

Charlie: “Aww Vaggie! Were you missing me, even when I was right in front of you???”

Vaggie: “Don’t even.”

Charlie: “That’s so cuuuute~”

Vaggie: “Don't. You've been worse. You were impersonating a rug- You clung on so hard after I picked you up I couldn’t even get the blankets over us again.”

Charlie: “Lucky I make a good blanket!”

Vaggie: “The best. But you still gotta stop sleeping in front of the bathroom door.”

Charlie: “I can, try?”

Vaggie: “Is it really that hard to stay in a warm soft bed?”

Charlie: “It is when you’re not there!”

Vaggie: “Sweetie, please. I’ll be coming right back.”

Charlie: “…then I can wait.”

Vaggie: “Good.”

Charlie: "...."

Charlie: “Probably. I think I can probably wait.”

Vaggie: “Ugghh...”

Vaggie: (playfully bumps shoulders) (leans in as charlie hugs her instead)

#hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #vaggie #chaggie #fluff and light angst #incorrect quotes #silly ideas #vaggie and the very fine line of not saying SOME things #while trying to make sure the others are heard LOUD and CLEAR #even through charlie's whirligig brain of many thoughts #imagine charlie sleep-gowling as she reaches around searching for vaggie in their empty bed #vaggie comes back and it's just #pillow feathers and shredded cloth EVERYWHERE #XD

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yeahspider · 2 months

Text

let the light in

Ve’s note - soft fic about chan going back home to australia . this is so fluffy and warm . he is just so lovely and writing about him makes me happy(im drunk as usual so this is sparsely proofread my bad) no warnings sfw !! enjoy <3

the sun was setting as you were finishing up your closing tasks at your parent's record store. picking up a record from the bin you blew gently on it, watching as dust flew off and into the air. this place could use a good dusting you thought to yourself. the clock hit five signifying the end of your shift. at 5:01 the bell above the door chimed alerting you that someone entered.

“we’re closed sorry” you quickly said without looking at who entered. you were tired and ready to eat. you went to grab your purse and head out but stopped seeing the person standing in the doorway. it felt like your heart jumped out of your chest when you made eye contact with Chris.

“I know I'm sorry I was just hoping you’d make an exception for an old friend,” he said with a shy smile. a smile that made your heart swell even if it's been years since you’ve seen it in person. the setting sun illuminated his body. hair in its naturally curly state, teeth on full display. he looked like the young boy who you once loved. the same boy who chased his dream but broke your heart in the process. you could never blame him though. it’s not like you ever confessed. too scared of rejection and unwilling to hold him back from his potential.

“of course, I always have time for you its been so long,” you say to him as you usher him to a chair. your mind still catching up to the fact that he was actually in front of you. tentatively you reached out and brushed his hand, discreetly checking to see if he was real. this was a moment you’ve only dreamed of. chris was still all smiles as you sat across from him.

“i’m sorry i never came to see you sooner. i always meant to but i just chickened out everytime.” he admitted with a blush rising to his cheeks . you wanted to cup his face to feel the blood rush under his skin..

“Why would you chicken out am I that scary,” you say jokingly.

“well i used to have a massive crush on you that i never really got over and i didn’t want it to be weird between us. didn’t want to ruin the familiarity.” he said as a blush ran up his neck. familiarity ? what does that even mean ? and what did he mean he had feeling sfor you? that your pining wasnt singular, but shared. your mind races as seconds drag on after his confession. you cant seem to find the words to decribe what you feel right now. are you relieved? scared? happy? nothing feels quite right.

"I'm sorry i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. let's just forget about it. how have you been?" Chris said trying to save the moment. You could see the embarrassment tinted on his ears.

"wait- you didnt make me uncomfortable i was just shocked. i ..." you hesiated to admit you felt the same way. but he waited for you . your chris . ever so patient. ever so understanding.

"i've had a crush pn you for years." you finally admit. feeling a weight lift off your chest, the pressure in your ears lessening. "ever since you first picked me up from that party years ago. youve always been there for me, even when you were thousands of miles away you checked up on me. so the feelings only grew overtime."

"Are you serious? You've had feelings for me this whole time? I thought you just viewed me as some foolishly ambitious boy. I never thought you would want someone like me." he says, with a look between sadness and relief on his face. you guys have been dancing around each other for years. two idiots in love.

"you were never a fool to me channie. I believed in you wholeheartedly and still do. i always knew you would make your dreams happen."

"let me take you out somewhere. we should reconnenct i want to relearn everything about you, if youll let me." chris said. nothing but smiles and dimples.

of course you agreed. you let him learn everything as long as you could do the same

#stray kids smut #stray kids x reader #stray kids fanfic #stray kids imagines #stray kids reactions #stray kids scenarios #stray kids headcanons #stray kids fluff #yeahspider #bang chan fluff #bang chan x reader #bang chan fanfic #bang chan smut #bang chan imagines #bang chan angst

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zombyjuice · 4 months

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NOBODY BETTER THAN YOU! - eunseok.🍨🦷🐆🍦 t(>.<t)

In which your boyfriend you recently just got back together with is coming over for the first time since.

bf!eunseok x fem loser!reader

toxic relationship, fluff, angst, smut! suggestions to the reader having depression (NOT ROMANIZING.) suggested cheating. etc..

so many things inspired/helped me make this so I’m just gonna . @melobin and @anquelic on insta and my playlist below took inspo from there too <33 lol!

“Eunseoks here…” one of your roommates sneered from the other side of the door you could almost feel the face they gave eachother. You hop up and rush to open your door with a wide smile on your face “Hey baby” your boyfriend, walking towards you, a hand in one pocket and a bag of Burger King in the other an extremely attractive smile on his face “hii” you practically melted pulling him into your room and hugging him tight.

“Please don’t fuck yet! Give it a week!”

“shut the fuck up!”

He chuckled kissing your forehead and pinching your sides, you loved it when he did that, made you feel so safe you could practically feel your heart melt watching his movements as he placed the bag on your table.

That feeling goes away in an instant as you watch him sigh as he moves some of your clutter to the side. This made your heart flutter with sadness and your brain go a bit fuzzy.

He understands you more than anybody really, he’s patient and he does seem to care for you, he understood all those months before you guys were ever official you’d disappear trying to decide if he’s the one and if you should give him the chance.

He understood the nights where you’d just sit in silence not wanting to be touched or talked to, and he understood the nights you guys would be talking like normal only for you to start crying out of nowhere, or the nights you’d scream and push him losing your temper only to end up in his arms letting him watch you crumble under him. “It’s okay baby, it’s okay I've got you, doing so well for daddy” “‘m not mad at you, okay pretty, it's okay”. He understood the nights when you were finally your silly self after spending a weekend alone.

He understood all your quirks and interests. Once he dragged you to one of his sets because he remembered someone working on it had a dog who understood multiple languages, remembering your rather odd fascination with it how. can they do that? And watching as you said sit to the dog in Spanish, French, and Japanese, complete shock and happiness painted on your face as you laughed and laughed, adoration painted on his.

So how is it that you caught him multiple times all over the girl, the same girl he had a pass with, rumor has it they were “casually” sleeping together before you ever entered the picture you know it was deeper than that. To him “it wasn’t that big of a deal and he was just being nice.” You had to constantly shift your morals just so you could be happy with him, he knew you hated it, he knew the disgust you felt with yourself every time you’d go back with him. But you loved him so it's alright.

You knew the irritation and anger that bubbled up inside of him when you'd ask “Are you unhappy in our relationship?” or “Am I annoying you? I'm sorry” but he loves you so he's got to deal with it, right?

And no matter how many times you believed he cheated he was stable, nothing in your life is stable but him. So maybe that’s why you feel you always go back to him. And only him. Because, to you, there's nobody better than him.

He turned to you already able to read your face “It's alright, today's our lazy Sunday isn't it? We'll clean a bit tomorrow but for now, cmere let's lie down”

The smile that was once on your face came back and you gladly took his hand as he led you to your bed and cozy. Watching some of your favorite horror movies and munching on Burger King you between his legs a hands squishing your thighs and head dropping down to your neck every now and then to suck a hickey at your favorite spots your hands would grab at his knees as you whimper and giggle. “quit it, they’re finally escaping”. He'd quietly pout and slightly rut his hips up against you visibly hard.

{2:49 am}

Your eyes meet your boyfriends and grab at his hand that's hitching up your inner thigh, yours visibly smaller “Should we play some-” he smashed his lips against yours, your first actual kiss of the night “fuck I know we said we wouldn't do anything, but shit you look so good, sound so good, need to fuck my babies in you, make you mine forever” he grabbed at your neck and slid it down to your arm, manhandling you under him.

You could only submit to him, knowing this would have happened by the end of the “night”.

“Can’t believe I spent so many Sundays without you, felt so wrong, I’ve missed you so much” he'd moan against your lips grabbing at your thighs and aggressively pushing them up as he grinds against you, whimpers slipping out of you “missed you so much more” you’d whisper mind going elsewhere remembering exactly why you spent so many night away from each other’s grasp.

“Let me fuck away all that nonsense,only have you think about this cock” as if he could read your mind “please”.

And just like that he’d do exactly what he said.

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valleyof-goldenlilies · 4 months

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A Christmas Visitor - Modern!Jace Velaryon x Reader

Summary: Jace takes it upon himself to cheer you up for your first Christmas spent alone.

Pairing: Modern! Jace Velaryon x AFAB! Reader

Warnings: fluffy boyfriend Jace, profanity, blowjob, face fucking, degradation, mentions of masturbation (both f and m) (let me know if i missed anything out!)

Word Count: 1.92k words

A/N: hoe hoe hoe! a very merry late Christmas and Happy New Year in advance from me to you :) this one is for those Jace girlies out there ;) I hope you enjoy!

lovely dividers credited to @firefly-graphics !

It was set to be a lonely Christmas for you.

But honestly? You had no one to blame but yourself. You were the one who had decided to migrate to another continent entirely for university, whilst most of your friends had stayed in King’s Landing, or other parts of Westeros, including your boyfriend, Jace Velaryon.

But Braavos University was undoubtedly the best university in the known world to pursue a degree in economics, and when you had gotten the acceptance email, Jace had urged you to go, telling you that you would be an idiot if you passed up on the chance.

Braavos was a wonderful place: a melting pot of different cultures, interesting architectural structures, along with an intriguing history. You loved studying and living here, but at times, especially now, during the festive season, you especially missed home. You missed seeing Jace’s wonderful, handsome, smiling face, missed his kisses, his hugs, his warmth, his everything.

In a video call with your boyfriend a few days ago, you had expressed how much you’d missed him, and he had given you a sad smile in return.

“I miss you too, honey,” Jace said earnestly, covering his headphones’ speakers again when a loud noise erupted from behind him. You winced at the feedback from the mic. “Cregan, hey bud, mind keeping it down a little?” Jace called out. “I’m video calling my girlfriend here.”

“Sorry dude!” A manly voice that was most definitely not Cregan called back, and you had to stifle a laugh at Jace’s knowing, disgusted look. “Ugh, these animals, I swear,” Jace joked, turning his attention back to you. His expression softened. “Hey honey, I know it’s hard on you. I wish there was something I can do to make you feel better.”

You smiled, trying to cheer up a bit for his sake. “It’s alright, really. I’m doing fine here, I’m just being a bit mopey because I miss you and stuff.”

“Aww,” Jace blew you a kiss through the computer screen. “I miss you too, honey. Uni life just isn’t the same without you. But you are still coming back for summer break, right?”

You nodded, blowing back a kiss to him. “Yeah, of course I am. I can’t wait-“ A crash and a gruff laugh sounded from behind Jace, and Jace’s eyes widened as he turned back to try and catch a glimpse of what was going on. “Jace, buddy, I might need some help here!” A voice that was definitely Cregan groaned out.

“I’m sorry babe, I gotta go,” Jace said apologetically. “Trust those guys to get wild when I’m trying to call my girlfriend.”

“No, it’s fine,” you tried to stifle a giggle. “You’re like their mom, you know.” “Am not,” Jace pouted, before blowing you a kiss. “I’ll video call you on Christmas, alright? I love you, baby.”

“Love you too, Jacey.” You blew him a kiss back before your computer screen went dark, and you sighed, slumping back in your seat. Video calling him had somehow made you miss him even more.

But alas, such was life. When the morning sunlight streamed through your dorm windows on Christmas Day, you had already carefully planned out your day.

“Okay, so,” you tapped your pencil on your paper, filled with a list of the things you wanted to do. First, I go across the campus to get those delicious pretzels from Lancelot’s Bakery, then I head to the grocery shop to get myself some chicken to cook chicken Alfredo pasta for lunch. Then-“

A knock at your dorm room caused you to look up from your list, puzzled. Your dorm mates had all left for their own homes for the holidays, so who could that be? You set down your pencil, moving to open the door. “Yes-?” Your jaw dropped when you saw who it was standing outside the door.

“Jace!” You let out a cry of delight at your boyfriend’s warm, smiling face. The smile that you had missed so much.

“Hey, baby-“ Jace barely had time to finish his sentence before you launched yourself at him, jumping into his arms and kissing him hungrily. Jace nearly staggered under your weight, hands going to stabilise you as you wrapped your legs around his waist. He savoured the taste of your lips, feeling you melt against him and nearly tearing up when you realised that he was real.

Oh, how he missed you. How he missed this.

Jace quickly brought you into your dorm room, kicking the door shut behind him as he didn’t break the kiss. He set you down on the edge of the desk that you were writing on, tongue tangling eagerly with yours. “Mmm, I missed you so much,” he mumbled against your lips, fumbling for the zipper of the shorts that you were wearing. “I missed your lips, your scent, your pussy…”

You let out a laugh, breaking the kiss to rest your forehead against his. “Someone’s eager, huh?”

“Don’t act like you aren’t,” Jace chided, chuckling as he pulled your shorts off. “Nearly six months without you has been absolute torture. I had to stroke my own dick almost every night for the first few months you know.” A pleasant shiver shot through you at the imagery: Jace stroking himself to the thought of you every day, groaning as he spilled himself in his hand.

“Sounds like I should make it up to you then,” you said slyly, pushing yourself off the desk and getting on your knees. Jace’s breath hitched as he took in the sight of you, radiant, rosy, glowing, down on your knees in front of him. Where you belong.

You made fast work of his jeans, unbuckling his belt and tugging his jeans and boxers down in one go. Your mouth nearly watered at the sight of his length, long and leaking with precum. You ran your fingers along the vein in his cock, teasing him, and Jace groaned, pulling your hair into a makeshift ponytail. “Baby…don’t be a tease,” Jace’s voice was low, pleading. You simply laughed, looking cheeky as you debated on whether you should give him what he wanted.

Jace nearly saw stars when your hot mouth got to work on his dick, licking the underside of it, letting the precum collect on your tongue. His grip in your hair tightened. “Love…”

Slowly, you began to take his cock into your mouth. The loud, scandalous, squelching noise of you taking his dick inch by inch reverberated throughout your empty dorm room, making Jace grow even harder, if that was even possible. He had dreamt of this moment so many times for the last few months…

He made a low, strangled noise in his throat as you hollowed out your cheeks to accommodate even more of him, trying not to gag in the meantime. His fingers tangled even deeply into your hair, “That’s it, that’s fucking it. Take all of me in,” Jace encouraged you. “You can do it. You’re a good girl for me, aren’t you?”

Your answering nod caused your head to bob on his dick a little, and Jace moaned at the sight. He could just die happy now.

“Can I fuck your face, sweetheart?” Jace asked tenderly, but you knew that his tone of voice, while friendly, left no room for negotiation. So you only looked up at him with those adorable doe eyes, and nodded slightly. Jace smirked, pulling out a bit before thrusting himself back into your throat.

He continued to fuck your face, going slow and gentle at first, then his thrusts grew more and more erratic as he felt your hot little mouth envelop his dick just so perfectly. The sound of your fingers playing with your pussy as he face-fucked you however, drew him back to attention again.

“Hey,” he slapped your cheek lightly, getting your attention as you looked up at him with wide eyes, having been caught. “You’re not allowed to touch that pussy as I face fuck you.” Your expression of dismay almost made him feel bad.

Almost.

“No touching yourself, sweetheart. Or else I won’t let you cum later, you understand?” Your eyes teared up a little, and Jace watched you with a smirk as your expression grew desperate, but you could simply nod obediently, knowing that Jace would make good on that promise.

“Good girl,” he soothed you, before thrusting into your mouth even harder, faster.

Your moans were muffled by his cock, but Jace let his unfiltered noises echo throughout the room, his curses and groans and praises only making you wetter. “Yeah, that’s it, baby…taking this dick like a pro, huh? What a dirty little slut you are.”

You could barely speak with his dick in your mouth, and Jace could feel himself getting closer as he watched your tits bounce in that skimpy top you had on. He couldn’t wait to have his hands and mouth all over them, kissing and biting and sucking on your hardened buds. The thought alone was enough to send him over the edge, and when you began playing with his balls, he completely lost it.

Letting out a rough moan, he spilled himself in you, his hot load shooting down your throat. The vibrations of your muffled moans around his cock made it feel even better.

He pulled out, watching your dazed, blissed out face. Gently tilting your chin up to face him, he ordered you, “Swallow all that for me, sweetheart.”

Obligingly, you did so, and Jace let out a sigh of pleasure. “Good girl. Come here.” He helped you up from your knees, gently hoisting you up onto the desk again while rubbing your red knees with his thumbs like a perfect gentleman. Then, his hands found his way to your cheek again, and his lips to yours. He could taste himself on your tongue, and he groaned into your mouth, hand going to palm at your tits through the fabric of your top.

“Best Christmas present I could ask for,” he murmured, sweetly pecking you on the lips. “Which reminds me,” you brought up, voice a bit hoarse after that intense face-fucking. “How’d you get here?”

“I flew out, duh.” You smacked Jace’s shoulder at that non-serious response. “Ow. I flew out all the way for you, and you abuse me like this?” Jace rubbed his hot shoulder, looking like a kicked puppy. “Hurts me right in my feelings, baby.”

“I’m serious,” you pressed, and Jace laughed, kissing your pouting lips. “I don’t know, you just looked so sad over the video call…I just had to come and see you.”

“And your family was cool with it?” Jace laughed again, rubbing your shoulder reassuringly. “Mom’s always chill about it, don’t worry. And you know my little brothers; they always act like they’re happy to be rid of me.”

“But for now,” Jace’s lips met yours again, searing, wanting. “Can we stop talking about how I got here and focus on worshipping you instead?” You giggled, tightening your arms around his neck. “Well, in that case-“

A clatter outside your door made you and Jace freeze in your tracks, wide eyes going to the door. “What was that-“

“My suitcase!” Jace exclaimed, a panicked look on his face as someone outside bellowed. “Who left their fucking suitcase in the middle of the hall?”

You couldn’t hold back your laughter at the sight of abject horror on Jace’s face as he rushed to the door to apologise to whatever poor soul had tripped over his suitcase.

Best Christmas you could ever ask for.

let me know if you wish to be added to a general taglist for jace related works, or just my works in general in the comments or through this form! :)

thank you for reading! if you liked it, likes, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated! merry late xmas guys 😘🎄

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estrellami-1 · 6 months

Text

If I Should Stay

This one is on time! Woohoo! 😂

Part 1 | . . . | Part 27 | Part 28 | Part 29

Eddie leaves eventually, Steve seeing him out. He jumps when he turns around and sees Alli standing there, smirk on her face, arms crossed. “Geez, Alli,” he laughs, “gonna have to put a bell on you.”

“Don’t deflect,” she says, but she’s smiling.

“You haven’t actually said anything yet,” he responds, and she gives him a look that screams, do I really need to?

After a few seconds of thought, he shrugs. “Fair enough. We’re waiting, for now.”

“For what?”

“The end of the end of the world.”

“Christ,” she laughs, moving to ruffle his hair, “you’re dramatic.” She inclines her head towards the kitchen. “Hot chocolate?”

He smiles and nods. “Haven’t had a cup as good as yours in thirteen years, Al, think I’m about due.”

She gives him a sad sort of smile and ruffles his hair again. “Then I’ll just have to make this the best cup ever, to make up for all those, huh?”

“When’s the last time you saw me?” He asks suddenly, watching as she stirs the milk on the stove, adding a bit of cinnamon.

She frowns over at him. “This morning, before I left. Why?”

He shrugs. “Just wondering. Who’d you hang out with?”

A blush colors her cheeks. “Cassidy.”

“Oh,” he says, and grins at her. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she agrees.

“It’s going well?”

“It’s going so well, bubba, I love her,” she breathes.

He grins and hands her the cocoa. “Yeah?”

“God, so much, we’re talking about finding a place and moving in together, and I can’t wait.”

“How long have you been together?”

“About a year and a half. It’s hard, y’know? You don’t know who’s safe and who isn’t.”

Steve hums. “I know.”

“But it’s going… really well, God, and now that you know, everyone important knows.”

Steve grins. “Mom and Dad?”

Alli laughs. “Never. A few other friends, a few of her friends, though we’re mostly all friends. She’s got a little brother too, a little younger than you, and he knows too.”

He narrows his eyes at her. He remembers Cassidy’s younger brother. “How old do you think I am?”

She gives him a shit-eating grin before shrugging. “I dunno, like, eight?”

“Asshole,” he says, but he’s laughing, and she’s laughing, and he’s happy.

The night doesn’t last forever, though; soon enough their mugs are drained and they’re both yawning, and they promise to catch up tomorrow over coffee before Steve has school and Alli has work.

That plan is derailed when Alli shakes Steve awake twenty minutes before he has to leave. “Shit,” he curses groggily, throwing open his closet doors and jumping out of his sleep pants at the same time. He settles on a polo and jeans before rushing over to his phone to call Robin, who answers just as groggily as he’d been.

“‘Lo?”

“Robs,” Steve says urgently, “school. Imma be there in fifteen.”

“Shit!” She screeches, and he hears her rush out of bed. “I owe you my life, I’ll get you a bagel, see you!”

With that, she ends the call and he chuckles as he rushes to the bathroom to try to tame his hair.

He squeezes Alli in passing before grabbing his car keys and rushing out the door, before just as quickly rushing in and grabbing his backpack. “Love you, bye!” She calls, but the door’s shut before he can answer.

Still, he calls a, “Love you!” Over his shoulder, in the off chance she hears it, before making his way to Robin’s house.

She throws open her door and runs to his car when he pulls up, waving to her mom, who appears in the doorway, looking mystified.

“Steve,” she says as soon as she’s seated, “I owe you my life.”

Steve chuckles and takes his bagel from her. “Yeah, you said that earlier. I honestly was calling just to see if I was gonna drive you or not.”

Robin snorts. “If you think I’d willingly put myself through the mortifying ordeal of riding the bus ever again, you clearly don’t know me as well as we thought.”

Steve chuckles. “I figured as much,” he agrees. “Then as it turns out you were still asleep, so the answer was pretty obvious. Forget to set your alarm?”

She groans and throws her head back. “Yes. I’m not used to being in school.”

Steve nods. “Same here, Alli woke me up twenty minutes before I had to leave.”

Robin smiles. “She seems cool.”

“Alli? She is. She’s the coolest, honestly, she was super cool when I told her about Eddie. Oh!” He says suddenly, flapping a hand her direction. “Eddie!”

Her brows fly into her hairline. “Eddie?”

“He stayed last night,” Steve starts. “Well, stayed later, anyways. We went out onto my roof and smoked a joint together and just… started talking, y’know? And, uh.” He can feel his cheeks turn scarlet. “We decided to wait until after the end of the world. But we do wanna try.” He bites his lip and says, quieter, wondering, “He thinks I’m worth waiting for. Working for. He’s gonna try, after you and I are back in our present.”

“Steve,” Robin whispers, staring at him. “That’s great, I’m so happy for you.”

He smiles shyly. “Thanks,” he whispers. “I’m hopeful, y’know?”

“Yeah,” she whispers back, and he knows she does actually understand.

Permanent Taglist: @justforthedead89 @ilovecupcakesandtea @madigoround @bookbinderbitch @suddenlyinlove @nburkhardt @artiststarme @paintsplatteredandimperfect @i-less-than-three-you @alyelf @quarble @messrs-weasley @littlewildflowerkitten @vankaar @starman-jpg @bornonthesavage @steddie-there @goodolefashionedloverboi @andienotannie @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @platinum-sunset @just-ladyme @steddiestains @swimmingbirdrunningrock @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @martinskis-lydias @notaqueenakhaleesi @sleepyboosstuff @bestwifehaver @m-owo-n @thatonebadideapanda @finalmoondragon @velocitytimes2 @callmeanythjing @ajeff855 @ilikeititspretty @knitsforthetrail @sillysparrow @that-one-corvid @ace-is-bored @muricel @harpymoth @weirdandabsurd42

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#stranger things #if I should stay #steve harrington #eddie munson #eventual steddie #Allison Harrington #robin buckley #fix it fic #time travel #time travel fix it #starambles

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mykoreanlove · 3 months

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AMNESIA

„So, you’re telling me she has no idea who she is? Or who you are? For real?“ Chan nodded glumly. „She got into a car accident a couple of days ago. Luckily, she survived without greater damage, but her memory is gone.“ „All of it?“ Chan looked into the bewildered eyes of his friend. „All of it“, he replied defeated. „What are you going to do?“ „What do you mean?“ „Well, it’s not like she knows who you are anymore. All her feelings for you are gone. Did you break up?“ He choked on his beer. „Are you out of your mind? Y/N is the love of my life. I would never give her up. Even if she doesn’t remember me now, I will find a way.“ „To remember you?“ Chan nodded. He spent countless nights researching, scouting through medical reports of patients getting their memories back. The circles under his eyes were as dark as the night but he would try anything to get you back. Anything. „And if she doesn’t?“ He felt the anxiety rising in his body again. There was a chance of you never getting back all your memories. He was terrified by that. Chan gulped down the rest of his beer, wiping away the foam from his lips. „If she won’t remember me then I have to make her fall in love with me again. I have to. I just have to.“

„Sunshine, you have no idea who I am?“ A beautiful boy with blue hair looked at you with concerned eyes, devastated by the news of your memory loss. „No“, you shook your head ashamed. „I’m sorry.“ He jumped on the bed next to you taking your hand into his. „Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault, love.“ Love? Were you two in love? You felt tension in your gut, as if your body was communicating with you. „You are y/n and I am Felix and we‘re basically best friends“, he cheered at you. Ah, best friends. That tension informed you correctly, your body was in fact communicating with you. It was nice knowing that you had a best friend, one that was as caring as Felix. You started crying, overpowered by your emotions. „Felix, I feel so dumb.“ He wiped away the tears and rubbed your hand silently. He wanted to hug you and reassure you, but he was afraid of overstepping boundaries. He really wanted to tell you that everything was going to be okay, but he hesitated, not knowing if that possibility could actually ever come true. Instead, he kept rubbing your hand and sat with you in silence.

Your phone vibrated - it was a text from Binnie. Binnie. That name sounded sweet on your tongue but that was about it. You hated being like this. He sent you a selfie - a big pout was plastered on his sad face. „Working out without you is just not the same. Get better quickly, y/n. I miss you.“ You were curious about your relationship with him, so you started scouting your past conversations. Endless photos of you working out, eating well and drinking protein shakes as well as encouragements when one of you felt down were the norm. You felt sad but consoled at the same time. So, I like to work out, huh? You took a glance of your body and nodded respectfully, being happy about your athletic accomplishments. I guess I do. Your head fell back on the silky cushion. You tried remembering going to the gym but nothing came up. You could imagine what the heavy weights would feel like but that was just your imagination making things up. Not one real session came to mind. Not one. You sighed in frustration. Again.

„Yo sis, do you got any snacks in here?“ Apparently, you had a little brother, Innie, who was more concerned with eating than your well-being. „I don’t even know my name and you’re asking me about snacks?“, you huffed annoyed. „Try the second counter, maybe you’ll find some Pepero in there.“ Innies face fell flat. „What did you just say?“ He was confusing you. „Second counter, Pepero?“ Innie jumped up and down, running over to you excitedly. „Y/N, you big moron. You love Pepero!! You remembered!!“ Surprise washed over you. „I do?“ „Yes“, he nodded his head in anticipation. „You love them. Especially the green tea ones. You never share those with me.“ He paused for a second, side-eyeing you. „Maybe forget about your Pepero greed as well, if you’re already at it.“ Normally, you would have smacked him for being rude, but you were too flabbergasted to act. You remembered. A tiny thing but you remembered. Tears were staining your cheeks once more but this time they were laced with hope.

As the news of your memory loss spread, you got contacted by the most random people. People who claimed to be friends from Highschool, distant relatives you never even heard of and apparently also your ex-boyfriend. A random knock on your door woke you up from your slumber. „Hey.“ A very gorgeous guy entered your room, making you hate yourself even more for not remembering. „It’s past visiting hours.“ „Yeah, I know. But I had to come see you, y/n.“ He moved gracefully, almost like an elegant cat. „Do you really not remember me?“ There was sadness in his eyes, but you had no idea why. He placed the flowers he brought for you on your nightstand and took a seat next to your bed. „I don’t know if I should laugh or cry about the absurdity of this situation. I was your first great love, y/n. Your first everything, actually.“ Heat arose in your chest. Oh shit, he was my first everything? This dude? Damn. „I’m sorry I don’t remember you.“ „Minho“, he said sternly. „I am Minho.“ You nodded soundly. You watched him for a while, wondering why you two didn’t last. Minho read your mind, answering before you could even ask. „Because I fucked up, y/n. I prioritized myself, my work. I took you for granted and stopped putting you first. I..“ His eyes started to water. Was he always emotional like this? Minho cleared his throat before continuing. „I never told you this, but I hated myself for doing that. I hated losing you. I still do.“ Your eyes widened in shock. Did he just confess? „Minho“, you replied frantically. „I know, I know. You don’t remember a single thing.“ He looked into your eyes, not breaking eye contact. „You don’t remember our first kiss behind the bleachers, and you don’t remember all the trips we took to the sea because you love building sandcastles that much. You also don’t remember all the heated nights in which you screamed my name, and you also don’t remember me confessing my love the first time at Han river. I know.“ You felt bad. Your relationship sounded great, and it irked you losing your whole life like that. „It’s selfish of me to say but you losing your memory also means you forgot all the shitty parts of our story, too. That’s actually a relief“, he concluded. Minho got up to leave but you grabbed his hand, pleading him to stay. „I’d like to know.“

„Damn, you lost all your memories? That’s wild.“ You got visited by your mother and cousin - apparently. „Sweetie, did you remember anything at all?“ Her question irked you, making you feel like an even bigger loser. You tried conjuring up memories, you tried sniffing familiar scents, you even tried praying to God but apparently you were on your own on this one. „I don’t get it. How do you lose all your memories?“ „Han“, your mother‘s pressing tone warned him to stop. „No, I mean, where do they even go?“ You hated his guts in this moment, but he made you think, actually think. Where did my memories go? Who am I without them? Am I still me?

„Hey, are you up?“ You got a text from someone you had saved as Dickhead Kim. You chuckled to yourself. I got humor, well done past y/n. „Yeah.“ „I had no intentions on texting you but my friends talked me into it.“ Ah, I’m starting to see why I saved him like that. „What do you want then?“ „Right. Since you have no idea who I am, I should introduce myself first. I am Kim Seungmin, your hated rival at work. You and I don’t get along, we kinda hate each other.“ Blurry images of an office and bitter coffee flashed your mind. „We always compete against each other and I am better than you, obviously.“ You rolled your eyes. The audacity of this dude. „However, since you’re away there is no one for me to compete against so I’d like for you to come back quickly. Get well soon, y/n.“ Weirdly enough, you found that kind of charming. „I’m gonna kick your ass in no time, dickhead Kim. Thanks.“

„You really want me to spill the tea? Should you not rest or something?“ Your nurse had just started his career and his dramatic antics were the highlight of your hospital stay. „Hyunjin, please. Entertain me.“ He closed the door and sat on the bed with you, braiding your hair while sharing the latest gossip. After a while you stopped listening and observed him instead. He was extremely beautiful, an ethereal level of beauty you had never seen before. Right from the beginning you wondered why he was a nurse and not a model. His brown eyes turned into little crescents as he smiled widely, explaining that he wanted to have a positive impact on people’s lives and hence he chose to help others heal as best as he could. You liked that about him. You also liked his many stories of living life to the fullest, an immediate result of him being confronted with death way too often. „… and then he asked to see me again but unfortunately, I’m not into toxic dick, so I was like NEXT. Hey, y/n, are you listening?“ You sensed his offended tone immediately. „Sorry Hyunjin, I just..“ Tears started flowing again and you looked away ashamed. „Hey, don’t hide from me. What was it? Something I said?“ You shook your head. „I don’t want to be like this anymore. I want to remember my life, I want to know who I am. Do I work a job that is as fulfilling as yours? Do I date a lot like you do? Am I into toxic dick? I don’t know who I am anymore and it frightens the shit out of me.“ Hyunjin hugged you, patting your back as you let it all out. „I’m not going to pretend to know what it’s like to be in your shoes now. Your memories may come back, or they may be lost forever. That’s not in your control right now. However...“ He got up and took your hand, ushering you to come out with him. „We can always make new memories, can’t we?“

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whinlatter · 1 year

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Harry’s thoughts of Ginny in the Forest: a meta

‘Nothing too big, because you wouldn't be able to take it with you... I wanted you to have something to remember me by.' - DH, p. 99 (UK edition)

Here I am, on a rainy Thursday, doing re-reads for some writing and thinking about the parallels between Harry and Ginny's kiss on his birthday, and Harry’s thoughts of Ginny as he goes to his death.

I’m thinking differently about Ginny’s motivations for the kiss these days. I used to think about her words to Harry that morning, and the act of kissing him, as a promise she’ll wait for when he comes back. Lately, I’m wondering if it’s not something sadder, and more profound. I think what Ginny does on Harry’s seventeenth is the act of a person who is starting to process the fact that the person she loves is likely going to his death — that he might not be coming back. It's a scene of a person bracing for grief and thinking about love after death, and it will set the stage for how Harry meets his own death in the Forest.

So here’s a much-too-long meta to help me think through these ideas - about the kiss, Ginny’s suspicions about Harry’s fate, and what it means that Harry returns to the memory of Ginny at the end of his life. (Stick the kettle on for this one and if you worked this all out long ago before me, just give me an eye roll and forgive me).

I’ve always taken Ginny's words to Harry before their kiss at face value. I thought of it not quite as a fun scene - it’s certainly sad - but sweet, a little sexy, and sort of reckless, even a bit mischievous on Ginny’s part.

It’s the birthday of the boy Ginny loves. They’re not together anymore. She knows he's going away. She wants to give him a birthday present, but she doesn't want to give him something he has to haul around or might lose. She does want to let him know that, despite their separation, her feelings are still the same. She craves a moment with him before he goes. She is still in love with him, she is deeply attracted to him, and part of her still feels a bit possessive. Although she’s not really concerned Harry’s going to crack on with some Veela, she does want him to have a memento of their time together. She wants him to have a happy memory, of physical intimacy and emotional comfort, to keep him going while he's away, to feel less alone.

Most of all, I used to think of the kiss (and whatever Ginny imagined might come after the kiss) as a promise. I still love you. Even though we’re not together and I respect why you have to go, I’m still all in on this. I’ll wait for you for when you come back. I want you to have the memory of this, as proof.

Harry’s reveal

But the more I’ve thought about it, the more I think about the context of when this kiss happens, after Harry and Ginny's last conversation before his birthday. It's the one a few days before, when Harry and Ginny are laying the table for dinner, and Harry lets slip to Ginny what he, Ron and Hermione will be doing when they leave:

'‘And then what does she think’s going to happen?’ Harry muttered. ‘Someone else might kill off Voldemort while she’s holding us here making vol-au-vents?’ He had spoken without thinking, and saw Ginny’s face whiten.‘So it’s true?’ she said. ‘That’s what you’re trying to do? ‘I - not - I was joking,’ said Harry evasively. (DH, 78-9, UK edition)

This is a desperately sad scene, but it’s also an important moment. Harry, so used to having his guard down with Ginny, realises he’s accidentally confessed something big: that he’s going on the run to try and kill Voldemort himself, with Ron and Hermione’s help.

Ginny is shaken by this. As a character, she tends to either take things in her stride, or yells first, processes later. But this catches her off guard. Her words suggest there has been speculation about what it is the three of them are going off to do (‘So it’s true?’ suggests that Ginny, and perhaps other members of her family or the Order, have been speculating about this for some time). But both she and Harry realise here that he’s flippantly confirmed something huge that Ginny did not already know for sure. He’s spoken aloud the task is that Dumbledore has left him.

It is a sign of how close Harry feels to Ginny, how safe he feels in her company, and how difficult he finds managing keeping secrets from her, that he lets this slip. He won’t come as close to telling the truth to anyone else, even people he trusts. The scene before this, in his conversation with Mrs Weasley, he didn’t let on nearly as much (though he admits that he found affirming the importance of secrecy difficult when he looked at Mrs Weasley and saw Ginny’s eyes staring back at him):

‘Well, Dumbledore left me . . . stuff to do,’ mumbled Harry. ‘Ron and Hermione know about it, and they want to come too.’ ‘What sort of ‘stuff’?’ ‘I’m sorry, I can’t—’ ‘Well, frankly I think Arthur and I have a right to know, and I’m sure Mr. and Mrs. Granger would agree!’ said Mrs. Weasley. Harry had been afraid of the “concerned parent” attack. He forced himself to look directly into her eyes, noticing as he did that they were precisely the same shade of brown as Ginny’s. This did not help… ‘Dumbledore didn’t want anyone else to know, Mrs. Weasley (…) I didn’t misunderstand,’ said Harry flatly. ‘It’s got to be me.’ (DH, 77-8)

Later, he’ll also refuse to give any information to Lupin, for the same reason.

'‘Can you confide in me what the mission is?’ Harry looked into the prematurely lined face, framed in thick but greying hair, and wished that he could return a different answer. ‘I can’t, Remus, I’m sorry. If Dumbledore didn’t tell you I don’t think I can.’ ‘I thought you’d say that,’ said Lupin, looking disappointed.’ (DH, 173-4)

But with Ginny, he’s accidentally gone much further. He hasn’t said Horcruxes, but he’s as good as. The trio are setting off to try to kill Voldemort, the most dangerous task imaginable in this war. He tries, in vain, to undo it, but the damage is already done. Ginny knows more now than she did before: that the journey he’s about to go on is one that very likely will claim his life.

What does Ginny know about Harry’s fate before this moment?

It's clear from this interaction that Harry has never discussed any of this with Ginny before. In their breakup scene, Harry repeatedly said that he was breaking up with her for her own safety. He said he did not want her to be used as bait, as she already had been previously, and as Sirius was: 'Think how much danger you'll be in if we keep this up...' (HBP, 602). The focus was entirely on the risk to Ginny's life, a risk Harry says he cannot live with.

Ginny’s remarks at Dumbledore’s funeral told us something about how she, at that point, understood the path ahead for Harry. She made her half-joke that Harry was always busy saving the Wizarding World, and says she thinks he 'would never be happy', never fulfilled or satisfied, unless he were 'hunting Voldemort' (HBP, 603). She showed she interpreted his actions as choices being made by someone brave, determined, and personally committed to bringing about the end of Voldemort, not someone destined to. Harry’s motivations and reasons are ones she respects and empathises with. She knows the path ahead is dangerous. She doesn’t yet think of it as lethal.

Harry didn’t respond to her assessments at the funeral, neither correcting nor confirming them. He didn’t let her know, at that stage, exactly what it is he is going to set off to do. The closest Harry came to revealing the road ahead for him in the break-up scene was this:

'It’s been like… like something out of someone else’s life, these last few weeks with you,' said Harry. 'But I can’t… we can’t… I’ve got things to do alone now.' She did not cry, she simply looked at him.’ (HBP, 602)

This is a pattern throughout their relationship, both as friends and later as romantic partners. Ginny knows a little, but not a lot, about Harry’s path. She thinks of it almost entirely as a decision he has made himself. Conversations about Harry’s destiny - about the Prophecy, about being the Chosen One, and, eventually, about the Horcrux hunt - happen near Ginny, but never with her. She does not seem to believe that Harry is the Chosen One or in any way bound to Voldemort's own fate. At the start of HBP, on the train in Slughorn’s carriage, Ginny states publicly her belief that any speculation about Harry being the Chosen One is nonsense:

‘We never heard a prophecy,” said Neville, turning geranium pink as he said it. ‘That’s right,’ said Ginny staunchly. ‘Neville and I were both there too, and all this ‘Chosen One’ rubbish is just the Prophet making things up as usual.’ (HBP, 140)

Ultimately, before DH, Ginny has been given very little information. We can assume that she’s decided to respect Harry’s decision to keep any information from her and not to push for it. She has reason to fear he might be in danger, but she doesn’t yet know the full extent of it.

Ginny’s response

The immediate aftermath of Harry’s confession at the Burrow is very telling.

‘They stared at each other, and there was something more than shock in Ginny’s expression. Suddenly Harry became aware that this was the first time that he had been alone with her since their stolen hours in secluded corners of the Hogwarts grounds. He was sure she was remembering them too.’ - DH (79)

It’s important that, immediately after this confession, Harry’s mind immediately takes him to private time spent alone with Ginny at the end of HBP. His certainty that Ginny, too, is reminiscing about them is typical of their wordless displays of understanding. They both reach for memories. And the memories of the last time he was alone with her, when they were still together, suddenly trigger an intense emotional and sexual tension. They are soon interrupted, and the dinner afterwards is extremely awkward. Harry wishes he were further away from Ginny, and tries, with great difficulty, to avoid touching her at the dinner table. The energy between them is intense and charged, anticipatory and frustrated. There are lots of ‘unsaid things’ that have just passed between them, and both are aware of it (DH, 79).

There are important themes being introduced here. Whenever Harry thinks about memories of his time with Ginny in DH, he does so consistently in two clear ways. To him, those times were private, intensely intimate moments which carried huge personal significance. It is strongly implied those were moments of sexual intimacy between the two of them, and where they shared an emotional closeness neither has found with any other character. But those moments with Ginny are also something Harry feels he was wrong to take. His relationship with her was something that, in retrospect, he embarked upon against his better judgement. He now feels it was something he was not entitled to, on account of his own burdens and obligations. Those were ‘stolen hours’ that were ‘something out of someone else’s life’. If we look to the wedding scene, we can see this most clearly:

‘‘Yes, my tiara sets off the whole thing nicely,’ said Auntie Muriel in a rather carrying whisper. ‘But I must say, Ginevra’s dress is far too low cut.’ Ginny glanced around, grinning, winked at Harry, then quickly faced the front again. Harry’s mind wandered a long way from the marquee, back to afternoons spent alone with Ginny in lonely parts of the school grounds. They seemed so long ago; they had always seemed too good to be true, as though he had been stealing shining hours from a normal person’s life, a person without a lightning-shaped scar on his forehead…’ (DH, 121)

There are certain tropes at play here, that will that recur again and again in Harry’s thoughts of Ginny until the point of his death: the memory of time alone, the feeling of shared emotional and physical intimacy, to an intense degree; the sense of their time together being something stolen, both in the sense of it being snatched from within darker times, but also being forbidden, given with Harry’s fate when it comes to Voldemort. That Harry recalls these moments at a moment as two other characters make lifelong vows of marriage to each other is not insignificant: all is set up to maximise the sense of tragedy.

Ginny processing Harry’s fate

Ginny is not naive. Harry’s confession seems to change something about how she thinks about what he’s about to do. She may once have dismissed the prophecy of Harry as the Chosen One as nonsense. But she now has reason to suspect that might not quite be true.

She may well re-trace what she does know. After all, she was at the Department of Mysteries two summers prior, where she learnt that Voldemort, at least, thinks there is a prophecy of significance that involves Harry directly. She knows Harry has been having one-on-one lessons with Dumbledore: she even gave him one of the invitations (HBP, 228). She also knows that Harry and Dumbledore left school for a secret mission alone on the night the Astronomy Tower was attacked and Dumbledore was killed. She observed how Harry saw Dumbledore’s death as a catalyst to prepare for a path that required him to step back from her. Above all, we also know that Ginny is a character who understands Tom Riddle intimately. She is one of the people who comes closest to understanding the stakes of your life being bound, in some way, to Voldemort.

It is also significant that Ginny is a character canonically intrigued, and touched, by death, and by powerful Dark magic. The diary, and her own near-death experience, is the most obvious example. But in the Department of Mysteries during OotP, we are told she is also one of the characters most drawn to the veil, despite having far less direct experience of loss and grief than Harry, Luna, or even Neville:

‘[Harry] took several paces back from the dais and wrenched his eyes from the veil. ‘Let’s go,’ he said. ‘That’s what I’ve been trying to — well, come on, then!’ said Hermione, and she led the way back around the dais. On the other side, Ginny and Neville were staring, apparently entranced, at the veil too. Without speaking, Hermione took hold of Ginny’s arm, Ron Neville’s, and they marched them firmly back to the lowest stone bench and clambered all the way back up to the door.’ (OotP, 775)

I don’t mean to suggest Ginny knew what was coming for Harry, that she foresaw him having to go to his death. She knows nothing of Horcruxes, she doesn’t know the contents of the Prophecy, and she certainly doesn’t know Harry himself is a Horcrux. Harry, of course, doesn’t yet know the certainty of him going to his own death, at this point in the text. But given the information she alone has been handed, inadvertently, by Harry, she has plenty of reason to begin to suspect the path Harry is on is one that might end in death, moreso for him than for an anyone else in this war.

Ginny doesn’t appear much in the following pages, other than in her role helping to prepare the house for the wedding. Over the next few days, she has lots of time to consider Harry’s words. We know she’s also sharing a bedroom with Hermione, who is actively preparing for their imminent departure, and watching the three of them try to sneak off together to make plans. This is time for Ginny to start to digest the information Harry has unwittingly divulged. She can now begin to think about how she ought to respond to the prospect of him leaving for a mission that will, likely, cost him his life.

The kiss itself

We can see Ginny has planned this interaction with Harry in her bedroom. The false casualness of how the scene opens - ‘Harry, can you come in here a moment?’ - and the actions of the bedroom’s other occupant, Hermione, suggests some level of premeditation and collaboration. For the first time, Ginny brings him into her bedroom, with the door closed. The setting is obviously intimate and suggestive.

Harry describes Ginny as seeming nervous, but purposeful, like she is readying herself for something - she ‘[takes] a deep breath’. She is looking at him ‘steadily’. Harry is nervous, too: he cannot bring himself to look at her, finding it almost painful, like ‘gazing into a brilliant light’ (DH, 98). Her trademark blazing look is in full force. She doesn’t entertain his attempts at small talk: she is serious about what she’s about to do.

‘‘I couldn’t think what to get you,’ she said. ‘You didn’t have to get me anything.’ She disregarded this too.’ (DH, 98-9)

Ginny opens by revealing how difficult it has been for her to work out what she could give him, under the circumstances. She is, in her own way, acknowledging how hard she is finding processing what it is he has to do now. She has been struggling with the prospect of Harry’s departure, and the possibility, even the likelihood, of his death. But she has decided she wants to make that path easier for him. Despite his reassurance, she insists she wanted to give him something.

‘‘I didn’t know what would be useful. Nothing too big, because you wouldn’t be able to take it with you.” He chanced a glance at her. She was not tearful...' (99)

These lines are so significant. The first two lines in particular are deeply profound. They read very differently to how I first thought of them, if seen in this light. I didn’t know what would be useful, she says, because she doesn't know what she can say that will be useful. What could possibly make this easier, to help Harry think about the enormity of his situation, or to help guide him on a path requiring him to accept his own likely death?

She doesn’t want what she gives to him now to be too heavy, too sad, or too serious, because she knows Harry will not be able to deal with it (‘nothing too big’). Anything too declaratory, too sentimental, or too enormous, would be impossible for him to leave with. In the last part of the sentence, her words are deliberately vague: because you wouldn’t be able to take it with you.

I think this is the most poignant part, and it suggests the part of Ginny's mind that believes in, and is curious about, what happens beyond, after death: the voices on the other side of the veil. I think there is some part of her that thinks Harry might be going somewhere she can’t reach him - what Dumbledore will later call going on. Ginny does not openly speculate about where Harry will be taking whatever she gives him. That it could be to his own grave, or beyond, is left unspoken. He looks at her, finally, after these words, because he seems to understand, on some level, what she is trying to say to him.

‘She took a step closer to him. ‘So then I thought, I’d like you to have something to remember me by, you know, if you meet some veela when you’re off doing whatever you’re doing.’’ (DH, 99)

Ginny has decided: the thing she will give him is a memory, one that he can take with him when they part. Something to remember me by. She wants the memory of her, of them, to be useful, to serve him in some way, and to be something that he might be able to take on with him after death. She tries to soften what she’s trying to convey, with the joke about the veela. But both seem to understand what she is really saying: that she isn’t really asking for his loyalty or fidelity. She doesn’t say she’s giving him ‘something to remember me by’ for when he comes back and they can be together again. Her words are very final. The joke is supposed to make it easier for him to hear what she is saying: she’s telling him, quietly, how to think about her when he leaves, whatever leaving might mean.

Harry, for his part, continues the joke. (‘I think dating opportunities are going to be pretty thin on the ground, to be honest.’) She plays along, sort of, in a very sad way (‘there’s the silver lining I’ve been looking for’). But both seem to know that there is no real silver lining to this.

And then there’s the kiss itself:

‘There’s the silver lining I’ve been looking for,’ she whispered, and then she was kissing him as she had never kissed him before, and Harry was kissing her back, and it was blissful oblivion, better than Firewhisky; she was the only real thing in the world, Ginny, the feel of her, one hand at her back and one in her long, sweet-smelling hair —’ (DH, 99)

It all comes to a head here. Harry recognises that this kiss feels exceptional, unlike any other they’ve ever shared - that Ginny has never put so much into a kiss before. It is ‘blissful oblivion’, this moment of extraordinary intensity, where she kisses him and allows him, for a moment, to think only about her and them together. It’s heady and sexual (‘the feel of her’). It’s a gift for Harry to be able to forget everything and let this moment be a vacuum, to focus only on her. The crescendo effect of the short causes and run-on sentences allows the moment to build and build, a crescendo effect that anticipates something to come.

Of course, their moment gets interrupted, again. Unlike when Ron interrupted her with Dean, Ginny doesn't rage at him this time: she is subdued, a response that is far more appropriate for her processing the fact that she may have just had her final kiss with the boy she loves. Harry suspects she has started to cry, something he notes is out of character. Ginny had imbued a lot of meaning into this interaction: this is a portrait of a character whose heart is breaking.

When Harry and Ron are discussing the kiss outside on the lawn, after the initial shock of being yelled at by Ron for going anywhere near Ginny, Harry has his own, shattering realisation of what all of this means for himself and Ginny:

‘Yeah, but you go snogging her now and she’s just going to get her hopes up again—’ ‘She’s not an idiot, she knows it can’t happen, she’s not expecting us to— to end up married, or—’ As he said it, a vivid picture formed in Harry’s mind of Ginny in a white dress, marrying a tall, faceless, and unpleasant stranger. In one spiralling moment it seemed to hit him: Her future was free and unencumbered, whereas his . . . he could see nothing but Voldemort ahead.’ (DH, 100)

Thinking aloud, Harry says it would be idiotic for he or Ginny to imagine they could be together, either now, or at any point in the future. He expects her to find someone else; he cannot even begin to imagine a future for himself after the task set out for him. He does not say his inevitable death - he has not yet embraced that reality - but he remains caught in the certainty of an existential battle with Voldemort that he knows he may well not survive.

Later that day, Harry will receive the snitch from Dumbledore’s will. Though he doesn’t know it yet, he now holds the resurrection stone, the item that will open at the close in the forest. It is a birthday that starts and ends with hints about what little time he has left: the stage is set for an arc that, now, has to end in his own death.

Foreshadowing Ginny and the Forest

Moments foreshadowing the significance of the forest are all over Deathly Hallows. Sometimes, they mirror the moment of his own death; often, they are related to Ginny. When they leave the Ministry, with Ron splinched, clutching the Horcrux locket, they arrive in a forest. For a moment Harry’s heart ‘leaped’ at the thought that they were back in Hogwarts’ grounds, the site of so much of his earlier happiness with Ginny (DH, 221). When the trio hear that Ginny, Neville and Luna tried to steal the sword of Gryffindor, it is the Forbidden Forest they are sent to by Snape as punishment (248-9). Harry does not fear the Forest, and is consoled by the thought of Ginny serving detention there rather than anywhere else.

In the Forest of Dean, the scene where Ron returns begins with Harry thinking of Ginny. He sits at the mouth of the tent, wanting to look for Ginny on the Marauders’ Map, until he remembers it’s Christmastime and she is at the Burrow (297). Later, in a moment that mirrors his later walk to his death, he follows his mother - Snape’s patronus, the doe - into the woods, in order to recover and destroy the Horcrux, inching Harry’s own life closer to its close:

Though the darkness had swallowed her whole, [the doe’s] burnished image was still imprinted on his retinas; it obscured his vision, brightening when he lowered his eyelids, disorienting him. Now fear came: Her presence had meant safety. “Lumos!” he whispered, and the wand-tip ignited. The imprint of the doe faded away with every blink of his eyes as he stood there, listening to the sounds of the forest, to distant crackles of twigs… He held the wand higher. Nobody ran out at him, no flash of green light burst from behind a tree. Why, then, had she led him to this spot?’ (DH, 299)

Foreshadowing Harry's end in the Forest means also foreshadowing Ginny's own appearance at the moment of his death.

Harry’s ‘death’ in the Forest

In the final battle, Ginny is the last person Harry sees before he begins his walk into the Forest. He takes the words she says to the child on the ground as her final act of comfort. Harry hears them as if they are being spoken to him:

‘He was feet away from her when he realised it was Ginny. He stopped in his tracks. She was crouching over a girl who was whispering for her mother. ‘It’s all right,’ Ginny was saying. ‘It’s okay. We’re going to get you inside.’ ‘But I want to go home,’ whispered the girl. ‘I don’t want to fight anymore!’ ‘I know,’ said Ginny, and her voice broke. ‘It’s going to be all right.’ Ripples of cold undulated over Harry’s skin. He wanted to shout out to the night, he wanted Ginny to know that he was there, he wanted her to know where he was going. He wanted to be stopped, to be dragged back, to be sent back home (...) Ginny was kneeling beside the injured girl now, holding her hand. With a huge effort Harry forced himself on. He thought he saw Ginny look around as he passed, and wondered whether she had seen someone walking nearby, but he did not speak, and he did not look back.’ (DH, 558-9)

Harry believes that this is his final moment with Ginny before he goes to die. A part of him wants her to know that it’s happening: he is leaving, at last. But he can't call to her, because he worries she will try and stop him, and he might let her. Instead, he walks on, and doesn’t look back. After watching Ginny comfort the girl crying for her mother, Harry then goes on to the Forest, and summons his own mother, his own family, to walk with him to his death.

‘His body and mind felt oddly disconnected now, his limbs working without conscious instruction, as if he were passenger, not driver, in the body he was about to leave. The dead who walked beside him through the forest were much more real to him now that the living back at the castle: Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and all the others were the ones who felt like ghosts as he stumbled and slipped toward the end of his life, toward Voldemort. . . .' (DH, 561-2)

Harry is already preparing to go on from this world: his living loved ones are the ones he now feels furthest from. He stands now with the dead he has summoned, who recognise him and seem to have memories of him. He doesn't fear the dead: he is going to join them.

It’s the death scene itself that I think has subtle, but important parallels with the kiss scene much earlier. In both imagery and in writing style, the scene recalls that earlier moment, where Harry found himself on the edge of another kind of oblivion. There is this mounting, febrile sense of anticipation. There is a tension that is almost sexual, a dynamic injected into the scene through descriptions of Bellatrix’s body language and behaviour towards Voldemort:

‘Bellatrix, who had leapt to her feet, was looking eagerly from Voldemort to Harry, her breast heaving. The only things that moved were the flames and the snake, coiling and uncoiling in the glittering cage behind Voldemort’s head.’ (DH, 564)

The ugly parallel of Bellatrix and Voldemort is not supposed to show the pair as the mirror image of Harry and Ginny. Rather, it is a theme that recurs throughout the series to demonstrate the gulf between Harry, with his immense capacity for love, and Voldemort, with none. Bellatrix and Ginny are memorably paralleled twice in the series: once, at the Department of Mysteries, where Bellatrix moves to ‘torture the little girl’, and Harry steps in to prevent her (OotP, 783), and again in the final battle:

'Bellatrix was still fighting too, fifty yards away from Voldemort, and like her master she dueled three at once: Hermione, Ginny, and Luna, all battling their hardest, but Bellatrix was equal to them, and Harry’s attention was diverted as a Killing Curse shot so close to Ginny that she missed death by an inch— He changed course, running at Bellatrix rather than Voldemort, but before he had gone a few steps he was knocked sideways…’ (DH, 589)

As Harry waits for the killing curse, we see the most direct parallel with Ginny's final kiss to him:

‘None of the Death Eaters moved. They were waiting: everything was waiting. Hagrid was struggling, and Bellatrix was panting, and Harry thought inexplicably of Ginny, and her blazing look, and the feel of her lips on his — ’ (DH, 564)

There's such an intense physicality and breathlessness to the whole scene, and an enduring pseudo-sexual tension, with Bellatrix audibly panting. Even the sentence structure even invokes the kissing scene: the run-on build up of clauses, the repetition of the present participle to actively hold the reader in one present moment, building and building and ending on a dash, the promise of something more.

At the end of his life, Harry returns to the memory Ginny gave him. She meant for it to be useful, if he was to go to his death. And at the close of his life he chooses to use it, as he prepares to leave her behind in this world and depart for the next. Just as the Resurrection Stone helped accept death, so too does the memory of Ginny. He feels the memory of her, the sensation of physical touch and of being kissed, the look she gives him that he knows as one of love and great courage. As he is killed, he remembers her last gift to him, the certainty of her love for him impressed upon him.

There's a line in OotP that I think is such an underrated line that sums up who Ginny is as a character. Harry is trying to get to Umbridge's fire to speak to Sirius when he thinks the latter is being tortured at the Ministry; Hermione suggests using Ginny and Luna as a distraction, despite Harry's objections:

'Though clearly struggling to understand what was going on, Ginny said immediately, ‘Yeah, we’ll do it,'... (OotP, 736)

This is who Ginny is. It's especially who she is to Harry, during the war. She doesn't fully know what's actually being asked of Harry (and, by extension, what is being asked of her, as the person who loves him, and who has most to lose if he is to die). But even when kept in the dark, she is enormously selfless, and her biggest act of bravery is extremely quiet. She keeps the secret Harry accidentally bestows on her, and she realises, in some sense, before he does, what it will likely mean for his life. She chooses to let him go on, knowing that he is loved, to make the path that he is on a little bit easier, even when she has realised that it will take him away from her for good.

#well that was longer that it needed to be #when in doubt write your way thru ur thoughts #pointing out foreshadowing and gasping is a full time job #justice for the birthday smooch basically #man said: blissful oblivion and also oblivion as in my DEATH #too deep in this to work out if this is even insight at this point #hp analysis #meta #harry/ginny #harry and ginny #hinny #harry x ginny #harry potter #ginny weasley #deathly hallows

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dear-bunnyboo · 8 months

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𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐄𝐅𝐓 𝐌𝐄 || 𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐎𝐑 𝐙𝐄𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐒

I am very sorry for this. I was feeling angsty and decided to write this heartbreaking fic 🥺 you need tissues for this one, i thoroughly made myself cry writing this one (cried as I was writing, cried as I was editing, cried as I was rereading).

I’m hurt. You’re hurt. I’m sorry again— I’ll make it up to you guys and make sure that the next Trevor fic is 100% all fluff 🤍

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Trevor Zegras x Reader

𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠: 𝐑𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐋𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐌𝐞 - 𝐓𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫 𝐒𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐭

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Trevor has some terrible news for you leaving you stuck frozen in time

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: Angst, angst, a lot of angst, crying, cursing, heartbreak, breakup, emotional cheating, pain, falling out of love, the one that got away, flashbacks, dissociation, depressed!reader, in denial!reader to the point of slight delusion, more angst, no happy ending for reader, more angst

𝐍𝐇𝐋 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 || 𝐌𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

Friends break up, friends get married

Strangers get born, strangers get buried

Trends change, rumors fly through new skies

But I'm right where you left me

The Earth is a curious and humorous thing. It rotates and rotates and rotates, going along it’s day no matter what— when someone gets a promotion it remains the same rotating sphere , when someone gives birth— bringing new life to the world; the Earth doesn’t even celebrate, when someone dies the globe spins like nothing has happened and their life never mattered.

So it’s humorous to you that you expect it to stop for a few minutes so you could catch a breather. Why should the Earth care about you? It doesn’t. Which is why it continues spinning— doing its job, just like everyone around you were.

Matches burn after the other

Pages turn and stick to each other

Wages earned and lessons learned

But I, I'm right where you left me

Everyone around you continues. Everyone is living their lives, people who lost jobs are going out to look for new ones, people who got embarrassed during a important meeting are dusting themselves off and going on with their day but you didn’t understand how you couldn’t seem to do the same— how could you remain frozen in your own mind.

It has been a year.

A year since it all happened.

A year since you last saw him.

And as pathetic as it sounds, you couldn’t do anything after what had happened.

You continued working, trying to distract yourself after constantly crying and questioning yourself for weeks— you lived with your parents for a couple of months, they took care of you, sympathized with you, and supported you— trying to get you back to your normal self.

But you refused to do so.

You didn’t know why.

Or maybe you did.

Help, I'm still at the restaurant

Still sitting in a corner I haunt

Cross-legged in the dim light

They say, "What a sad sight"

I, I swear you could hear a hair pin drop

Right when I felt the moment stop

Glass shattered on the white cloth

Everybody moved on

They told you to move on. They told you that you would find someone better, someone who would love you wholeheartedly, someone who wouldn’t leave you for someone else, someone who wasn’t Trevor.

But what if Trevor was the one you wanted?

You wanted him still even if he didn’t— not anymore at least.

Every time you closed your eyes to go to sleep, you would see the same thing— the red wine that dropped onto the white table cloth as it shattered across the table— your hand that was holding onto the discarded glass trembling with fear.

You remember the silence— the humming of the air conditioning at the restaurant, the thumping of your heart beating, the sound of your blood pumping in your ears— the sound of your heart trying not to shatter in pieces as you tried to hold it together.

The sound of Trevor’s voice as he explained, his guilty and somewhat pained voice entering your ears as he told you the story of what happened.

That was the last time you heard his voice and you cherished it every time he visited you in your sleep— your salty tears falling on your lips as you imagined his voice lulling you to sleep just like he used to do.

I, I stayed there

Dust collected on my pinned-up hair

They expected me to find somewhere

Some perspective, but I sat and stared

Right where you left me

You were so beautiful in your elegant back dress. Sitting in your seat— the same table you and Trevor would always reserve every time you ate in your favorite restaurant— the tiny little area secluded for just the two of you. It was your favorite place. The same place where he took you on your first date, the same place he asked you out to be his girlfriend, the same place you spent celebrating your first year anniversary— the same place where he broke your heart, the same place where he promised to propose, the same place where he said goodbye.

The same place where he left you.

You left me no, oh, you left me no

You left me no choice but to stay here forever

You left me, you left me no, oh, you left me no

You left me no choice but to stay here forever

You remembered how excited you were when you got a call from Trevor telling you that he wanted to talk to you— that he was gonna take you out to the same place. You remembered the huge grin on your face as you nodded in agreement giddily even though he couldn’t see you through the phone.

He loves you.

Your mind was running a hundred miles that second, thinking of all the possibly that you didn’t catch the edge in his voice. You remembered telling him that you loved him and getting a hum in response— you didn’t seem to catch it at the moment because of your excitement.

He loves you.

You remembered running to your room to get ready. The new black dress you recently acquired now sitting perfectly on your body— the pretty little pins you placed on your hair as you pinned them up.

He loves you.

Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen?

Time went on for everybody else, she won't know it

She's still 23 inside her fantasy

How it was supposed to be

You remembered how excited you were when he finally knocked on your door— you bolted in your heels opening the door to reveal Trevor looking down at his shoes before looking up at you— he looked sad but you didn’t seem to notice at the moment.

You gave him the biggest smile and the biggest kiss. You failed to notice him stiffening against you but he kissed you with the same passion— at least he was trying to.

Trevor loved you. He truly did. Throughout four years of dating, his love for you was real— he still did love you. Just not the same way he did. He wasn’t in love with you anymore. Trevor knew he couldn’t keep doing it this with you anymore— not only was he hurting himself but you as well.

He kissed you as if it was his first.

Trevor knew.

Trevor knew it was the last.

He was saying goodbye to you.

Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion?

Break-ups happen every day, you don't have to lose it

She's still 23 inside her fantasy

And you're sitting in front of me

At the restaurant, when I was still the one you want

Cross-legged in the dim light, everything was just right

As the two of you arrived at the restaurant— Trevor made sure to remember every last bit of you— he was hurting too but not as much as you were gonna be.

You really did thought.

You remembered thinking that this was the moment. You remembered your heart racing thinking that he was finally gonna go down on one knee. You remembered praying for him— not knowing that he wasn’t the one.

The same thing replays in your head every time you closed your eyes.

“I need to tell you something.” Trevor said somberly.

You remembered holding your breath but all you did was lose it.

You couldn’t breathe.

The same thing plays in your dreams, the same scenario, the same ending.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I really am but I can’t keep doing this to myself, to you— I-I have fallen out of love.”

He said it as if it was the easiest thing that could happen.

How does one fall out of love?

How does one love you for four years and suddenly not anymore?

How does one mend a broken heart?

He loved you.

I, I could feel the mascara run

You told me that you met someone

Glass shattered on the white cloth

Everybody moved on

What was probably even more painful than finding out he fell out of love with you is the part when you find out he fell in love— with someone else.

He loves someone else. He feels the butterflies for someone else. He wake up for someone else. Not you— not anymore.

You remained quiet, staring at Trevor as he continues to explain and apologize but you refused to listen. Your tears trickle on your face, the mascara running along with your tears but you didn’t seem to care— the wine glass you were just holding now lay broken on the white table cloth— tinting it red as you notice the waitresses entering from your peripheral vision, alert by the sound of glass breaking.

They quickly excused themselves as they saw your state but you knew they were listening somewhere, gossiping to each other— they pitied you.

It was a sad sight.

Help, I'm still at the restaurant

Still sitting in a corner I haunt

Cross-legged in the dim light

They say, "What a sad sight"

I, I stayed there

You were stuck— you couldn’t escape. It has been a year and you were still there reliving the same scene over and over again, feeling the pain over and over again. You didn’t understand why you were doing this to yourself, maybe because a part of you knew that this was the only way you would get to see and hear Trevor again.

It was pathetic.

Maybe because you knew that every time you go to bed and dream about it all over again, you wished you would see a different outcome— maybe this time he does propose.

You were hurting yourself.

Maybe because once you went home that night you cried out all you water weight leaving you numb to the feeling and maybe the pain of reliving the same scene made you feel again.

Dust collected on my pinned-up hair

I'm sure that you got a wife out there

Kids and Christmas, but I'm unaware

'Cause I'm right where

I cause no harm, mind my business

If our love died young, I can't bear witness

You heard things throughout the year. Of course you did. Perks of having dated someone famous— they always talk about him and her.

Just like how they use to talk about your relationship with Trevor, they talk about his new girl.

They say how happier he was than he was with you which was l another slap on the face— you didn’t see how miserable Trevor has been with you the last years of your relationship.

You wanted to be happy for him for finally being happy but you couldn’t find the courage to do so. You wanted to be happy for him and her. You wanted to be thankful to her for taking care of him, for loving him the way he deserves— you really do.

But you couldn’t find yourself to do so.

You were stuck.

You were stuck while they lived their lives— there were talks and rumors of an engagement. Which slapped you harder than the previous. They’re talking about marriage— they’ve been dating for a year and he was gonna propose— it wasn’t confirmed nor denied but the thought alone stings.

Knowing that four years was not enough for him but a year with her was everything to him.

It hurts.

And it's been so long

But if you ever think you got it wrong

I'm right where you left me

You left me no, oh, you left me no

You left me no choice but to stay here forever

Maybe one day you’ll be back together or maybe in another life.

You could only hope you could escape, you desperately want to. You want to live again, you want to love again— maybe in the future someone chooses you and only you, maybe your dreams of getting married in Italy will come true, maybe in the future your dreams of having children and a family will come true.

But as of now all you can do is dream.

Going back to sleep to see him all over again until you couldn’t anymore.

You left me

You left me no, oh, you left me no

You left me no choice but to stay here forever

dividers: @cafekitsune

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