#and it is also human to have a range of tolerance for how much attention/connection you need to not be discouraged af

[baejax-the-great]

The outside validation you get on your creative endeavors from friends and online strangers will never be as satisfying or inspiring as having a deep and personal love for your own work and the process of making it.

At the same time, sharing that beloved work with the world and receiving no interaction or connection with your fellow humans will make you the loneliest motherfucker in the world.

#its been said by many #and i will continue coming up with new ways to say it #because i believe wholeheartedly in creating for yourself first and foremost #but it is deeply human to want to share #and it is deeply human to feel snubbed when nobody so much as glances at your offering #and it is also human to have a range of tolerance for how much attention/connection you need to not be discouraged af #aaaaaand it is human to get too hung up on the outside validation and forget why you started creating in the first place #on writing #things I am doing instead of writing

[mushroomates]

on elves being vegetarians:

nature is incredibly important to elves. while hunting may have been reasonable and accessible in the past, due to the recent dwindling of game and the general decrease in population (sauron) many have refrained from this.

in recent times, it has been only on rare occasions that elves hunt. when they do, it is often symbolic and follows some set rules, such as refraining from hunting mothers, children, and in recent years, adolescents in their prime. this is to encourage reproduction as well as be respectful to the population.

while hunting was once considered as acceptable and culturally important, is is now frowned upon in modern times and only done on occasion and is very strictly monitored.

elves don’t have livestock. they don’t domesticate intentionally, and certainly not for food. they prefer things in their natural state, and many elves resort to a raw diet. it is both convenient and establishes a deeper bond to middle earth.

with livestock and hunting ruled out, we can consider reasons beyond necessity.

ike humans, there is a vast range of dietary preferences, restrictions, and various reasons behind these lifestyles. morality, necessity, or the hardship of introducing a new protein after a good thousand years.

many elves would reject eating meat at all. there’s various reasons, such as not growing up with it, scarcity, or simply a moral rejection of consuming something with a soul or that has a heartbeat. some elves feel more connected to middle earth and their ancestors by continuing to hunt/eat meat. many more view it as a special treat and something representative of the old days- something to be cherished and savored.

not only this but many recipes for preparing meat have fallen out of practice. not forgotten entirely, but rended useless. some see cooking meat as preserving this part of their culture. some don’t event realize how much they’ve lost over the years.

many elves also don’t have access to fish or most sea food, with the exception of fresh water fish, wish isn’t desirable to most.

why some elves can’t stomach meat:

introducing a new food can be stressful on the body, especially a new protein. if an elf has gone without meat for a long period of time, they will lose the ability to digest it. much like how lactose tolerant people will become intolerant over time when not consuming dairy frequently enough. also, if an elf has never had meat and introduced to it in later years, it will take them a while to adjust. most foods are introduced in adolescence. this isn’t always the case, leading to complications down the line.

why legolas, specifically, is vegetarian:

mirkwood has scare naturally occurring game. legolas is deeply connected to his home and it’s native species. when he was younger, it was simply out of necessity as there was a temporary ban on hunting native species to encourage the wildlife to grow naturally to a healthy population. this didn’t occur without help, and is much recent years, the population has dwindled even further.

because of the general lack of meat growing up, legolas does not know how to cook, season, or generally properly prepare meat. in practice, at least. he also wasn’t introduced to meat until he was much older, which caused some reactions that weren’t entirely pleasant that he wishes to avoid.

legolas also knows the importance of keeping local wildlife at a healthy level. elves used to lean populations that grew excessive and dominated the environment, but they no longer have that luxury and but have now turned their attention coaxing wildlife to return to a sizeable population. legolas actively makes an effort in this.

now this doesn’t mean he dissuades natural predator, but actively hunts invasive species and targets vegetation dangerous to local wildlife.

point being, be makes an effort to protect and preserve and eating meat seems counterproductive to him.

does this mean legolas NEVER eats meat? of course not. he won’t waste food, and when a meal is cooked for him, he will generally attempt to eat it. he also regularly steals bites from other peoples plates which don’t prescribe to the same dietary restrictions. he knows this and does it anyways.

especially when with the fellowship. hunting is hard work and cooking is just as important. meals (especially so with meat) must be cherished and it means a lot that he can share them with his companions.

#lord of the rings #jrr tolkien #legolas #lotr #lotr headcanons #legolas greenleaf #mirkwood #lorien #lothlorien #rivendell #elrond #imladris #vegetarian #thranduil #galadriel #arwen #elves #wood elves #tolkien elves #tolkien headcanons #jrrt #lotr elves #lord of the rings headcanons #the lord of the rings #headcanons #lotr fandom #the hobbit #celebron #mushroomates #elf

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “Maladaptive Coping.”

This idea was given to me by a good friend of mine 

*WARNING* This issue of Krill’s journal contains literally ALL of the things that might bother you. Every self destructive behavior I could think of is mentioned in this piece. So PLEASE do not read it if there is even the slightest chance that it may bother you. I wont list everything here, and trust you to make your own decision on weather it is a good idea for you to read this or not. 

Also, a important note is that this is from an aliens perspective, and so does not contain every last nuance of these behaviors and the reasons behind them. I hope those of you who read a great day, and those who don’t read a great day as well! :)

The Journal of Xenomedical Biology 

Author: Dr. Krill of the Vrul 

The Human Manifestation of Self destructive Tendencies and Their Signs.

Over the past few years of studying and learning to understand humans, It has come to the attention of the medical community that humans are the most volatile species, psychologically. This is not meant as negative commentary on human issues as it might seem, but merely an observation that humans have the most widely varied pattern of psychological maladaptive responses when it comes to stress and related mental illness. Where each other species tends to have only two or three typical maladaptive responses, humans have been known to have analogous representations of all known mental abnormalities.

Now this journal is not specifically about all the ways the human brain can go wrong, but more accurately about the maladaptive response I have seen in humans over the past few years primarily demonstrating self destructive behaviors in one way or another.

You might notice an interesting pattern in my analysis today that clearly demonstrates a repetitive contradictory pattern in human self destructive tendencies, which will demonstrate just how varied and widely differing their responses can be.

First, humans have socially destructive behavior.which can come in many forms.

Withdrawal: from friends or close loved ones is a common self destructive behavior to look for in humans. This can happen on a large or small scale where the human withdraws for hours or even years. As a social species, humans find social interaction important, even if that is only remote communications with other humans. If that human begins to withdraw suddenly or even gradually over time, I might suggest being concerned about their well- being.

Now here is where the contradictions come into play, and forgive me if some of these social behaviors also overlap with the physical behaviors, with humans, they are often one in the same.

Increased socially dangerous behavior: now this may account for many things. Some humans will fall into a downward spiral where they surround themselves with other like minded humans and participate in dangerous physical activities, which I will discuss later

Increased partners: Now, while this behavior may be common for many humans, and could be argued as a physical behavior, there is cause for concern if a human suddenly increases the number of physical partners from their average. This usually accompanies reckless social behavior like not meeting the partner first before entering into a physical relationship, doing this on multiple occasions and might also be connected with the following -

Staying with an objectively horrible partner: now it is hard to identify why some humans do this, but often humans will choose a partner who is objectively horrible to them either physically or emotionally. Sometimes humans do this because they are afraid of the repercussions, are afraid of being alone, or they have been convinced that there is no other possible person out there who might love them. Humans put a lot of stock into physical relationships and many of them would rather be with someone horrible than be alone. Due to their social nature many humans put social interaction and partnership over their safety and mental health. If you see a human participating in this behavior, it is advised to get them help,even if the human does not want it. They deserve more than being treated horribly.

Now on occasion two humans in a downward spiral might come together and create a codependent relationship where they cannot function without one another. What the other human does the oher will follow and this can lead them both into a spiral of horrible physical and mental behaviors that will cause anguish in the long term. If one of them is involved with drugs, the other will follow etc.

Now some humans might even participate in self destructive behaviors that look good from an outside perspective. For instance, it is a common occurrence that humans overwork themselves to the point of burnout. Often humans throw themselves into their work to distract their minds and avoid the pain of something else, thi may include memories or having to return to an environment where they do not wish to go. These humans will work many hours and sacrifice their social lives to do more work, causing long term stress that can lead to heart attack stroke and other physical diseases related to increased stress and heightened blood pressure. Some humans may participate in this behavior as a way to prove themselves to others, that they are either competent or hard working.

On the flipside of this there are other humans who may just stop working at all. They let everything in their lives fall apart, and stop doing anything of note causing them to lose their jobs, their hobbies, their families and their friends. This one is often related to a withdrawal from other people and might include elements of physical recklessness like drug abuse.

Secondly and including a much wider range of self destructive behaviors, we see the physical manifestations of this phenomenon which vary widely and tend to come in opposing pairs..

Overheating and undereating: are two very common forms of stress response from humans. If humans have conditioned to see food as a reward for behavior or as a comforting mechanism (oten developed in childhood) they will eat in order to comfort themselves and to the point where it is adversely affecting their physical health. They may eat even if they are not hungry or if they are actively full. Some humans experience digestive issues while under stress and may even refuse to eat at all. There are other extreme cases where humans, usually in response to a perceived lack of control, will regulate their food intake to the point of starvation or other food related disorders.

This is closely related to over exercising, and also has links with a perceived lack of control in their life. These humans, often paired with restricted eating, will push themselves to their physical limit to control their own bodies as a form of having a hold on their own lives. This paired with restricted calories can cause an untold amount of damage both physically and metnally. Mental disorders linked to these behaviors are known to be the most deadly of disorders known to humans.

The consumption of Drugs and Alcohol

This is a very common and often overlooked  behavior in humans. Drinking is the consumption of beverages that contain Ethanol, which when reacting in the human brain causes, extreme mental degradation related to fuzziness and euphoria. Humans find this a pleasant feeling though it causes damage to many internal structures most primarily the liver. Unfortunately drinking is seen as a socially acceptable behavior with humans and so excessive drinking is often caught too late or not called out at all. These humans may drink from the beginning to the end of the day and will build up a tolerance to alcohol amounts that would kill another human. They build up an immunity to the point where they need larger and larger doses to feel the same effects. They will often neglect their social connections including friends and family for a chance with the bottle.

This is the same with other illicit drugs, which may have even more severe effects on the person and my lead to drug induced psychosis. Both substances are highly addictive to the point where a human may commit horrible acts like murder, robbery, etc to get the drugs that they crave. This is usually in response to some sort of mental anguish they are trying to drown out but may be related to them becoming hooked on drugs they needed after surgery. On rare occasions, this behavior began in conjunction with destructive social behaviors which lead them down into a spiral.

Excessive partying is often paired with drug use and an increased amount of intimate partners. Many humans who have fallen into this spiral might refuse to admit that they are spiraling at all. Generally limited use of a substance can be acceptable for a human, but there are plenty of other chemicals that should not be consumed at all.

There are even some drugs that are known to be mild on the user but may cause emotional dependence. These drugs are not known to cause physical dependance, but the human can convince themselves that they require the drug to function emotionally during the day and will neglect their family, friends and lives in order to spend more time with their drug of choice Again you will see the withdrawal from social contacts as an extreme warning sign in humans.

Sleeping too much or not sleeping at all:A human getting enough sleep is important for their mental health but sleeping too much is proven to throw off circadian rhythms and increase chances of depression or worsening depression. Humans require an amount of sleep that is no more or no less than what they need. Many humans will claim to not be getting enough sleep because they feel tired, when in reality their oversleeping causes grogginess and reduced amount of energy though it might seem counter intuitive.  On the other hand humans might refuse to sleep at all, instead occupying their time with some other activity. It is important to remember though that an inability to sleep might also be insomnia, and the human hs no choices in the matter. I find that humans, in general, are horrible at regulating a proper healthy sleep schedule.

Participation in dangerous hobbies. Now, I understand that this is common for many humans and does not indicate self destructive behavior, but I would consider noting when a human suddenly involves themselves in dangerous hobbies after not participating for a long time, especially when that human is not careful and doesnt take time to properly consider safety protocols. 

Another very common one is humans causing intentional physical harm to themselves. This comes in levels of severity and I would say that most humans do this to some degree or another. Often these are connected to nervous ticks or even learned behaviors from childhood. This can include, picking scabs, biting nails, picking at the skin of the thumbs or the lips, pilling hair, and biting the inside of the cheeks. These smaller behaviors are usually minor and do not require attention, they may cause scarring but are not generally connected to extreme mental anguish.

However, these behaviors can escalate dramatically to the use of knives and razors. This behavior is EXTREMELY maladaptive and indicates severe mental anguish and trauma and must be addressed immediately. These behaviors might escalate and be linked to loss of life by the human’s own hand. I have not witnessed this personally, and I never intend to as I keep a very close eye on my humans.

#HUMANS ARE WERID #humans are space orcs #humans are space australians #humans are insane #humans are deathworlders #earth is a deathworld #Earth is space Ausralia #humans are space oddities

[recentanimenews]

INTERVIEW: The Creators of The Ancient Magus' Bride and The Girl From the Other Side

  In coordination with the recent anime announcements of The Girl from the Other Side and The Ancient Magus' Bride, Comic Natalie recently held an interview with the manga authors of both series: Nagabe and Kore Yamazaki. Crunchyroll News was given the opportunity to officially translate the interview in English between the two, posted below. You can read the original Japanese interview here. 

  Tetsuko Kumase held and composed the interview.

    The Girl from the Other Side by Nagabe and The Ancient Magus’ Bride by Kore Yamazaki are the two stories that develop around the theme of "Beast x Girl," and probably have many fans in common. To celebrate the release of The Girl from the Other Side as a full-length anime OAD (news article embedded) and the development of a new OAD series for The Ancient Magus’ Bride (news article embedded), Comic Natalie has set up an interview with Nagabe and Yamazaki. In addition to discussing their commitment to their work and the concept of "Beast x Girl", they also shared their thoughts about the new anime productions. At the end of the interview, they asked questions to each other to learn more about one’s perspectives towards creating stories.

    Respect for each other and the appeal of "Beast x Girl"

── There have been several projects you collaborated on, such as a joint event for the two works (see: The Ancient Magus’ Bride and The Girl from the Other Side fair where visitors could get the “Beast x Girl” playing cards) and the book of The Ancient Magus’ Bride including a trivia manga booklet, The Ancient Magus’ Bride: Quiet Talk, written by Nagabe-san (see: The Ancient Magus’ Bride volume 10 includes an acrylic stand and a booklet written by Nagabe). I know that many readers are fans of both of your works, but could you tell us about your impressions of each other's creations and what you like about them?

     Nagabe: The Ancient Magus’ Bride initially grabbed my attention because of the obi (belt) on the book that said "Beast x Girl." But when I started reading it, I found it to be a fantasy manga that’s really well thought out. Dragons, mythical creatures, folklore, and mythology are well integrated into the modern world, and each magical being is given its own meaning. The non-human characters also have their own meanings, backgrounds, and cultures, and interact with the protagonists. It's not just a fantasy, but the way the characters are connected to the world and make it feel so real is exquisite! Of course, the non-humans in the story are also wonderful. I love Elias.

Kore Yamazaki: Thank you very much. I'm often amazed at the range of stories and pictures you create. I sometimes even question if there are any non-human characters you can’t draw. I don't know if it's appropriate to say, but there's a hint of darkness or something in your work. I think it's a little sexy or maybe there’s secret eros? I love that I can feel a little bit of naughtiness in your work.

Nagabe: Thank you!

Yamazaki: The other thing is that I feel like I can almost smell the lines and shadows you draw if I trace them. Also, your story can be either very sweet or disturbing. I know you've been working very hard to achieve this, but honestly, I envy you. I wish I could create pictures and stories like you.

── I can really tell that you respect each other deeply. Now, please tell us what you like about particular scenes, episodes, or expressions in each of your works.

Nagabe: Personally, I think that The Ancient Magus’ Bride is a human drama in which you see Chise’s growth and changes as she confronts the environment around her. So, of course, there are impressive episodes that correspond to that. However, if I get to choose one based on my own preferences, I like the story of magic in Episode 2 and the Christmas story of Elias and Chise. The former shows magical instruments in a fantasy world, and the latter shows the integration of the real world customs in manga. I love portraits that showcase slice-of-life stories, so I thought those were great!

Yamazaki: I really like the gradual development of the relationship between Shiva and Sensei in The Girl from the Other Side. I love the scenes where they are about to touch but hesitate and also the scene that portraits the cute fight that heats up through the door. There’s also a scene where they touch each other by accident, but that triggers them to touch each other intentionally after, and that made me go "Wow!” The distance between them is so... delicate and exquisite. The softness of the flesh and the temperature of Shiva and the lack of physical temperature of Sensei next to her, all give me the feeling of winter, which is amazing. I think it just fits my sense of winter perfectly. The coldness that mercilessly takes away life, the feel of the felt, floor, and walls chilled by snow and water, and the warmth of having someone by your side in front of the stove… they all exist together in the story.

Nagabe: I'm very happy to hear that.

Yamazaki: My favorite episode is episode 29 in volume 6. I really want them both to be happy! It made me feel the warm temperature of Shiva’s tears. The scene where they go see Mother gave me chills. The design of the children of darkness is also epic!

  ── Now, can you talk about what you both find to be attractive about the “Beast x Girl," which is a common concept in both of your works?

Nagabe: It’s not just about girls but more so about humans, but I think I’m into cross-culturalism. Different races have different cultures, languages, and maybe even different body structures. The two characters have great differences and that brings out interesting gaps and interactions which creates a good drama. It’s also nice when they see each other’s similarities and go “oh, that’s the part we have in common”.  I especially like it when there are differences that are incompatible. For example, whether cannibalism is acceptable or not. The fact that taboos in the human world are practiced without hesitation in the non-human world creates clear divisions. Seeing how they deal with these negative differences is the best part and what makes this theme attractive to me.

  Yamazaki: The concept of non-human exists because there are humans. I am personally attracted to things that are distant from humans in appearance and sensibility. I love non-humans who don’t speak human languages, but I also have to balance my work for consumer products. In The Ancient Magus’ Bride, I used fairytales from Britain and Ireland as references, so they all speak human languages fluently. Their sensibilities and appearance are quite human-like except for their rules. It’s probably because humans wouldn’t be able to understand them otherwise, and they can be very different from your ideas of non-humans. However, they are very rigid about certain rules they have, so I have to be careful drawing those concepts clearly. It’s quite difficult to decide how much of the original folktales and fairytales I include in my creation. If I put too much just because it’s interesting, the originality in my work will disappear. This is something I have to be careful not to overlook.

  ── You've taken special care to balance these concepts.

Yamazaki: The other topic to consider is the reason why a girl is matched with a beast. Personally, I think it’s because girls have the most flexibility and softness. For better or worse, children are soft, malleable, and flexible to their environment. But they also have their own answers to questions, toughness, weakness, rigidness, and acceptance to their worlds, questions, hesitation, tolerance, anger, joy… all sorts of ideas and emotions, which makes them very attractive and easy to draw. I understand that adult characters are interesting as well. Also, it’s just exciting to see humans and non-humans together like with animals, monsters, and so on. In reality, people often don’t understand each other, but in creation, we can hope differently. I guess I like seeing everyone getting along as a bystander. But from a business point of view, I can’t just leave it like that, so I give them lots of challenges!

Nagabe: In The Ancient Magus’ Bride, I think that emotions are portrayed as something specific to humans. The contrast between Chise, who is always changing based on her experiences, and Elias, who is certainly changing but lacking in some crucial way, is brilliant. It seems that this kind of dissonance is there because we see Elias’ emotions in the same way we see that of Chise’s or humans. In the story, Chise said to Elias “I can’t understand you”, and I think it’s great that you are taking this difference between the characters seriously and depicting it in your work.

Yamazaki: Thank you. I think The Girl from the Other Side provides the perfect sense in terms of closeness among characters. Other works of yours also showcase this as well. Sometimes characters are all over each other, and other times they are trying to figure out the right distance. There’s rejection, and there’s also adorable connection. I love it. I think the struggle between a being and another being is wonderful. Also, it’s simply cool to have two different concepts exist together like big and small.  

── What kind of works have influenced the two of you in terms of drawing fantasy and the theme of "Beast x Girl"?

Yamazaki: It’s not that I’m only looking for the “Beast x Girl” theme, but it just triggers my sensors! Some of the books that caught my attention are the Darren Shan series, Rachel series, Koteki no Kanata, Dendera Ryu ga Detekitayo, Sukkuto Kitsune, and Hellsing. In terms of animation, I’d say the Monster Farm, PoPoLoCrois series, Brigadoon: Marin & Melan, and Blood: The Last Vampire series. Rather than finding the exact theme of “Beast x Girl," I find the subtle essence of that in these works. Also, I often use myths and folktales as references. I’d say the ones that influenced me the most are Ashiarai Yashiki no Juunintachi, J&J series, and Blood+.

Nagabe: I think Beauty and the Beast was influential for me! These are not about a beast and a girl, but Alice in Wonderland and Moomin also had a strong influence on my current manga creation. They are certainly fantasy, but not shiny and glamorous, and gives you a sense of antiquity, 

── Are there any works that you would like to recommend to each other?

Nagabe: In my case, I am more interested in art books and picture books than novels, so my tastes are a little different. But I would like to recommend Arthur Rackham and Saint-Exupery! Arthur Rackham is famous for Alice in Wonderland, and Saint-Exupery for The Little Prince. I also recommend Jon Klassen's picture book series. I like the airy atmosphere and you can see his energetic watercolor touch. I hope you will read them if you have a chance.

Yamazaki: I'd like to check them out. It's hard to make recommendations to Nagabe-san, but I'd like you to read Ashiarai Yashiki no Juunintachi. The characters are more human-like in appearance, but there is also great diversity. There are lots of characters so I'm sure you'll be able to find one, three, or even ten that you like.

Nagabe: I see. I’ll check it out.

  What they want to portray through their work

── Could you tell us about your own work? In a previous interview with Comic Natalie, Yamazaki-san, you said you wanted to create a story in The Ancient Magus’ Bride where "everyone is bad and everyone is good."

  Yamazaki: Now that I think about it, “everyone is bad and everyone is good” is not exactly correct. If I could answer it again, I would say it’s about differences. It's like a sample of where various emotions and thoughts are. I hope that reading my manga will give the audience a chance to think about the differences in their lives. But they are free to dismiss it if they think it’s boring. I have my ideas of what I want to convey as a message in my work, but I try not to give clear answers so that people can think and feel what they want.

── Now, Nagabe-san, in a previous interview, you said that the most important theme for you was "gentleness."

  Nagabe: After finishing The Girl from the Other Side, I felt once again that ‘gentleness’ is a difficult thing to express. I wondered to whom that ‘gentleness’ was meant for, what it meant, and what would happen if that feeling resulted in a bad situation. Is ‘gentleness’ shown in words, actions, or something else in the first place? Any of these can express ‘gentleness’ depending on the perspectives of each protagonist, so I was reminded of the ambiguity of emotions, the frustration that comes with interaction, and how difficult it is to depict those things. I’m glad I got to learn the difficulty of this theme, and I felt that I need to look at it from different aspects.

── I see. It's been a few years since any of the interviews I mentioned before, but has there been anything new you would like to emphasize in your works?

Nagabe: Since I’ve been thinking about the theme of emotions through "gentleness," I want to focus more on personality. In other words, I want to focus more on human dramas. In addition to that, I would like to depict a strange everyday life in a mysterious world. Of course, I want to include non-humans.

Yamazaki: I haven't really changed my main ideas. But if I had to say, I’d like to go back to the basics and draw non-humans again as I’ve been drawing only humans in stories lately. 

  The world of The Girl from the Other Side and

The Ancient Magus’ Bride in animation

── Both The Girl from the Other Side and The Ancient Magus’ Bride have been developed into anime projects in the past. How do you feel about your works being made into animation again?

Nagabe: My honest impression (after watching the animation) was "It's moving!” The artwork, visuals, and atmosphere of the manga are very important to me, so I was very impressed that the production team was able to recreate those of my manga with such care. In the previous short animation, the audience was able to enjoy the blank space created by the lack of words. It left room for interpretation. I was simply thrilled that they created such mature animation.

Yamazaki: In my case, I was looking at a hypothetical future where the project was in progress, but in the middle of the project, people would say, "It's not going to sell," and it would discontinue. I was thinking that I should at least be able to do enough work to feed myself, but it actually came true. Can you believe it? Now I can't quit so easily. Oops...

── Oh, no (laughs).

Yamazaki: I was just kidding and was actually very happy, and even though it was a lot of hard work, I had great fun working with many creators!

── What kind of messages and reactions did you receive from the readers of your manga who watched the anime?

Nagabe: The readers were also excited that The Girl from the Other Side was moving! That's how much they have enjoyed the world of The Girl from the Other Side in manga, and we’ve succeeded to meet their expectation in the anime.

Yamazaki: I've received a lot of feedback as well, but it's generally been positive and I’m relieved. I want to thank everyone for that!

  ── I believe that there are qualities that people are drawn to and ways of expression that are each unique to manga and anime, but when you saw your own work turned into animation, was there anything that you felt was unique to animation?

Nagabe: I think that the subtle movements of people and objects are best expressed through animation. For example, in the scene at the dinner table with Sensei and Shiva, you can see both a movement of Shiva where she tries to climb up on a chair and a smooth movement of Sensei at the same time. This contrast allowed the audience to feel a sense of life in our daily routines, and I thought that was great. One more thing is that the scenes like Shiva’s dreams and the star scene, in the end, achieved a better sense of realism because of the colors, and I think the black-and-white representation of manga won’t be able to quite do the same.

Yamazaki: I may have the same opinion. The manga is quite plain as I prefer low saturation, but I also knew that could be a hindrance for a consumer product. So I was impressed with the bright colors in the anime. Also, the animation complimented the lack of explanation in the manga and it made it more theatrical. I hope people will see both works!

Nagabe: That's right! I want people to see both, too.

── Both manga and anime have their own strong points, and I hope people will enjoy them both. And now, the development of a full-length anime of The Girl from the Other Side and a new OAD series for The Ancient Magus’ Bride has been announced. Please tell us your honest opinions about these developments.

Nagabe: YEEEESSS! I'm so happy. I personally gave the last short-length anime a perfect score, so I have…really...high expectations!

── I can feel your joy. (laugh)

Nagabe: This is all happening thanks to the hard work put in by WIT STUDIO, Yutaro Kubo (director), and Satomi Yoneya (director), and my expectations are very high and I have no worries at all! How about you, Yamazaki-san?

Yamazaki: I'm glad to be working with various creators again! I'm also going to be doing more work that I don't normally do, so in a way I'll be able to change up my routine. It's a lot of work, but also a lot of fun.

── What are you looking forward to and what are your expectations for the new animation?

Nagabe: I’m wondering how they will tell the story now that it’s longer. Of course, I’m interested in the visual expressions and the production of animation as I was for the previous short-length anime, but more than that, I’m looking forward to seeing how they will incorporate the world of The Girl from the Other Side into animation and how they will depict it. Also, Sensei and Shiva are going to talk… with voices. I’m pretty pumped about it and can't contain my excitement!

  ── As a fan, I'm really looking forward to it. What about you, Yamazaki-san?

Yamazaki: It's fun to have more opportunities to see the work of the animation staff. To tell the truth, I don't really have much expectation for my work. “New anime! Work is coming! I'll do my best!”, I don’t normally feel that way.  It almost feels like a collaboration between the supervising team and the animation team, so I have to do my best for our audience to enjoy it.

── How do you feel about the fact that both of your works are loved overseas as well?

Nagabe: Is that so? I'm glad to hear that! Since The Girl from the Other Side is more like a poem or a picture book than a manga, I’ve been wondering how it would be perceived even in Japan. But I'm frankly happy that it's been accepted so favorably. I'm also happy that TThe Girl from the Other Side has “flown” to a foreign country (the Other Side). That gave me a smile. Thank you very much.

Yamazaki: I'm really grateful that there are people overseas who are interested in my work since I basically published it for Japanese people. As the story is set in England, I tried to avoid using gestures and phrases that are unique to Japanese culture, but I guess you could say that worked in my favor. I've been getting a lot of positive feedback and art from fans!

  The influence of the pandemic

── I'd like to change the subject. In the past year, as I’ve had interactions with various manga artists, I've witnessed the impact of the pandemic in the writing process and the mental health of manga artists in general. Have there been any changes for you?

Nagabe: Due to the pandemic, of course, I thought about things like my daily life, how to go out, and how to enforce hygiene. But if I speak of The Girl from the Other Side, I feel that its world has gotten closer to our reality. In the story, there’s a curse, and one character would say “it’s safe to stay close to non-humans from the Outside as long as you take proper precautions” while another would say “we should eliminate the cause if nobody can take responsibility”, and they keep arguing. They are both right, and that is why there is friction. I think our feelings and societal reactions toward COVID-19 is very similar to that of The Girl from the Other Side.

Yamazaki: My assistant has been working from far away since before the pandemic, so our work itself hasn’t really been affected at all. But the fact that I can’t go out to gather information and materials for my work has put a damper on my mood. I can feel the significant influence on my work speed, physical condition, and mental health. I’ve always thought I was an indoor person, but in the situation where I am restricted to go out, it’s making me want to do so even more.

── I really understand. There are many people around me saying that they had thought they were indoor people but they got depressed when they couldn’t go outside for a long period of time. Along this topic, I have an impression that manga artists are more used to being at home than people with regular jobs, so you must have some useful tips on how to make it more enjoyable. Do you?

Nagabe: Leave it to me. After all, I am a professional at that.

── I’m counting on you (laughs).

Nagabe: In my case, I have three rooms: one is my workroom, one is my bedroom, and one is my living space, so I feel like I can make my home more comfortable just by not mixing up my personal and professional life. Also, it's exhausting to keep up 100% of my attention, so I think it's okay to cut corners where I can. I also wear pajamas except in my workspace. For me, it's important to keep my workspace clean and crisp and separate from my personal life. Otherwise, I think people should invest in hobbies. Yeah, I think so. Let's paint, everyone. Drawing is good. [To the reader] Why don't you draw pictures, too?

Yamazaki: Haha. I am an indoor person only when I have a lot of materials to read and work, so not being able to go out gives me a fair amount of stress. If I had to pick, I’d say looking at photo books, cooking, trying out musical instruments, or woodworking or something. Woodworking in particular is great because you can develop your concentration and you end up with a finished product in your hands. Just shaving the bark of a tree branch with a knife is fun, so I think it’s good to have a knife. It’s convenient.

  Questions to each other from their commitments to creation to the favorite features of non-humans

─ Since we are here to talk altogether, I would like to ask you to interview each other. First, Nagabe-san, could you please ask questions to Yamazaki-san?

Nagabe: I’d like to know your process of thinking out and what you are particular about in creating your stories. When I read The Ancient Magus’ Bride, the first thing that struck me was that Yamazaki-sensei uses motifs from Western mythology, fairies, and folklore, and then creates a human drama about how those characters confront each other and express their feelings. So I am wondering how you incorporate the elements that exist in fantasy into your own stories and characters.

Yamazaki: A human drama…… Can I call it a human drama? I'd be happy if I can!

Nagabe: I'm sure you can!

Yamazaki: To be honest, there are many parts where I’m not really sure how I’ve applied the concept of fantasy to the characters. When I'm thinking about a story, my brain starts going "This is it," "This person is that," or "That can be incorporated into this development,” and it often puts different pieces together like a puzzle.  On the other hand, when those things don't come out naturally, it's hard as hell to write a story (laughs). I usually read books on mythology and folklore, and I often have a stock of ideas that I can use in development. Perhaps it's because I don't think of fantasy as something that can't happen in reality, so I create a story where humans meet fantasy in an ordinary way. That's probably why I create the way I do. I feel that these things can happen right next to us, like the change of seasons.

Nagabe: Are there any techniques or theories that you consider in manga? For example, I'd like to know if there are any techniques that you use when drawing manga, such as creating a development every four pages or adjusting the number of frames.

Yamazaki: People have different opinions on this, but I try to include some funny parts here and there. I’ve had some people say they prefer for me to write seriously throughout weighty stories so that they won’t be distracted. But some say they enjoy those funny parts. Either way, I am enjoying drawing those scenes, so that’s the direction I’m going. Other than that, I only pay attention to the basics. Not too many frames, not too few, no more than three lines of dialogues because it’s hard to read, and wide horizontal lines for speech bubbles. When the bubbles are long in length, it's a problem when it’s translated into other languages.  

Nagabe: Oh, I see. I'm just curious, but you create manga, illustrations, and novels, and is there any new field you would like to work on?

Yamazaki: I'm mostly satisfied because I was able to get my hands on all three of those (laughs). I originally wanted to be a writer, but I found it overwhelmingly unsuitable, so I got serious about manga. If I don't have to think about what I’m suited for, writing picture books or game and anime scripts sound interesting.

Nagabe: Now, I'm going to assume that you like non-humans, but what are your favorite things about them? I want you to talk about it as much as you can.

Yamazaki: I don’t know if I’m qualified to talk about non-humans just because I like non-human characters, but personally, I think it’s their differences that attract me. Compared to humans, they look different, think differently, speak different languages, live in different ways, and have different cultures. But when you think about it, this all applies to humans, doesn’t it? If you are from different countries or even areas, all of the things I mentioned can be the differences among humans. I think I enjoy non-human characters because those differences are easier to see. The further away they are from humans and the more difficult it is to communicate with them, the more excited I get. But that also doesn’t mean that I like all non-humans just because. They need to have attractive inner qualities as well. I do love non-human characters, but the basic premise is that characters have to be attractive and stories have to be interesting!

  Nagabe: Yeah, I agree.

Yamazaki: Going back to the question, if I had to pick the best feature of non-humans, I would say that it's the fact that they seem to be able to understand humans, but can’t. Even when they are next to us and looking at the same things, what we see are different and we never understand each other’s point of view. I love the fact that we continue to be individuals who don’t intersect, don’t mix, and can’t be fixed into something. But even then, the human character and the non-human character stick around together! I love that concept!I love the fact that they seem to be attracted to each other but are not, and that they will forever remain different creatures. After all, the existence of humans is essential for non-humans because the premise of non-humans is that there are humans. Therefore, I don't get too excited when I don't know much about the non-human characters. If possible, I want to know their thoughts, tastes, words, and deeds of the being before liking them. Although, in some cases, I get really excited about characters based on their appearance only…. So, I guess it’s like an accident to find non-human characters I like.

Nagabe: Is that right? By the way, what do you think of cat ears? Do you like them or not? Is it a beast, a demi-human, or a non-human? Please tell me your opinion.

Yamazaki: There are many factors that I would personally consider, such as how the cat ears are attached, the facial structure, whether it has human ears in addition to cat ears, its lifestyle, and whether it seems to think like a beast rather than a human. Whether there are any features other than the cat ears that differ from humans is probably the main question. Personally, I don't think that a human with only cat ears can be considered a non-human, but in some cases, it can be, so it really depends on the character.

Nagabe: I see.

Yamazaki: For example, if the lifestyle is that of a feral cat or feline, it is a beast, if the lifestyle is culturally different from that of humans, it is a demi-human, and if the lifestyle is clearly different from that of humans, it is non-human. I think it’s important to keep in mind that people will judge cat ears, or rather animal ears, differently depending on who they are. I believe in freedom of what people think, each individual is wonderful, and you can step away from things you disagree with.

Nagabe: Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Lastly, I like non-humans so much that I draw them all the time, but I can’t find the appeal of human features. I don’t find it interesting to draw humans, so please help me.

Yamazaki: What? I'm not very good at drawing humans either! (laughs)

Nagabe: (laughs).

Yamazaki: To be honest, I feel that I’m not very good at drawing in general, but appeal… appeal…. I personally get motivated when I feel I’ve drawn something well, so I draw the features I like with my own fetishism in full swing. Eyes, hair, waistline, and facial expressions. That’s about it, I guess. So when I get into a slump, I am stuck there for a long time.  

── Now it’s time for Yamazaki-san to ask Nagabe-san questions.

Yamazaki: I've heard that you draw very quickly, but do you have any weaknesses or strengths in terms of creating a storyboard, plotting, drafting, or line drawing?

Nagabe: I don’t like creating a storyboard and plotting. I get bored easily so I don’t like to spend too much time creating one thing. If I think too much, I don’t make any progress, and as a result, my focus shifts to other things. Creating a storyboard requires an awareness of the direction and progression of the story as well as its intentions. I’m not accustomed to these very well and I can’t supplement these with just my drawing ability. 

Yamazaki: I also have a hard time with storyboards, so I understand. Are there any particular things that you can’t compromise in your work?

Nagabe: It's the composition of the picture. I like to deliberately draw blank spaces, and I think adding meaning to the empty spaces and adding emotion to the positions of the characters is an expression that is possible only in the framed world of manga, so I'm very particular about that.  

Yamazaki: Thank you very much. Now, do you have any activities or something that you do when you just can't bring yourself to work?

Nagabe: At first, I would draw the easy parts. For example, I start with tasks that I think will be easy, such as drawing only one frame, drawing only persons, or drawing only speech bubbles. I don't know if it makes sense, but I think motivation comes after I begin the work, so I try to start with easy tasks to get the engine going.

Yamazaki: I see. This is the same question you asked me earlier, but I would also like to know what Nagabe-san’s favorite features about non-humans are.

Nagabe:  Okay, you sure you have enough time to talk about it?

Yamazaki: (laughs).

Nagabe: First of all, I like the way they look. Sometimes they are human skeletons, sometimes they are four-legged, and they are just distorted and diverse. The visuals are beyond imagination, like a living creature or a sculpture, and I like the eeriness of it. Next is regarding common sense. For example, they may eat pet animals as food, and the pets just accept that they will be eaten. Is this similar to the Cambyses Lottery (Fujiko F. Fujio)? What is considered common sense in one country is considered heretical in another. I love the interaction created by these cultural differences.

Yamazaki: Yeah.

Nagabe: The other thing is their life expectancy. It doesn't matter if it's a long life or a short life. At the moment you are born, it’s decided that you will not live the same amount of time as others and I like the impermanence of it. I want to create a new feeling of discomfort that has never existed before through this concept. There's no end to what I want to say, but I think I put a lot of emphasis on appearance and external characteristics. It's like the characteristics of animal features, and I hope those shapes have meanings.

Yamazaki: I've always thought that you are so good at depicting the interaction between humans and non-humans who don't have control over human language.

Nagabe: Thank you!

Yamazaki: Regardless of whether you draw them or not, which do you prefer, the ones who can control human language or the ones who can't?

Nagabe: I think both are good. If they use words, they can at least communicate instantly, and if they don't, I can create drama through their trial and error process of interacting. But for a story, I think I like the ones that don't use words because it gives them a stronger sense of foreignness and makes it easier to depict the difference between humans and non-humans.

Yamazaki: So, do you have a favorite genre for a non-human with animal features?

Nagabe: All... of them?

Yamazaki: (laughs). Dogs, cats, birds, reptiles and amphibians, marine mammals, insects, etc. These are not animals, but robots and androids would be fine as well.

Nagabe: Anything is fine as long as it's not a human.

Yamazaki: (laughs).

── I can feel Nagabe-san’s love for non-humans (laughs). Lastly, please share a message to the readers who are supporting your work.

Nagabe: Thank you for reading. In my works, I try to eliminate or omit explanations and dialogues as much as possible, so there may be many places where you may wonder what's going on. I've tried to leave room for your imagination, so I hope you'll enjoy the intentional blanks!

Yamazaki: Thank you so much for your support. It's a story that has lots of twists, but there's always something beyond that. I hope you will enjoy it. Thank you for your continued support!

      By: Guest Author

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

[ibijau]

Xisang Week Day 3:  Shifter / Royalty / Fairy Tale

the leopard was mostly traced because animals? Not really my thing :D

I’m dedicating this one in particular to the Xisang discord, since the snow leopard shifter!Nie is that AU everyone brings back after heavy angst has been discussed XD

Two pairs of eyes watched as Lan Xichen walked away from the house. Nie Huaisang growled in warning so Lan Wangji knew to move away. Disappointed but understanding, his friend left the comfortable position they had found, Lan Wangji laying his head on Nie Huaisang stomach, both of them enjoying the warm sun of early summer on the porch. While Lan Wangji went inside to put away his book, Nie Huaisang yawned and started stretching his whole body with intent until his fur disappeared and his bones returned to their other shape. 

Like this, furless in the morning air, the sun felt less warm. Before Nie Huaisang could start shivering, Lan Wangji returned so they could do like Lan Xichen and head out for breakfast. 

As they walked side by side, an idea that had been bothering Nie Huaisang for a while struck him again. 

“I think gege doesn’t like me,” he sighed.

Lan Wangji shot him a surprised look, but said nothing. He never said much, even if he was really old enough he should have spoken well. He used to do it a bit more, but his mother had died a little before Nie Huaisang’s father, and now he was a really quiet person. 

“Gege never tries to pet me,” Nie Huaisang explained in a tone of self evidence. “Everyone does, but not gege, so he doesn’t like me.”

For being silent, the look Lan Wangji threw him had plenty to say. First, that Nie Huaisang was a little self-centered, because adults never tried to pet him, and at very nearly ten Lan Xichen was obviously almost an adult. Second, that Nie Huaisang didn’t like it when random people tried to touch his snow leopard form without his permission, leading to the two of them often hiding together for hours to avoid the attention since Nie Huaisang had arrived to the Cloud Recesses, a few weeks before. 

“He always frowns when he sees me being a leopard,” Nie Huaisang continued, never one to give up on an idea. “And then he smiles, but it’s not a real smile. He shouldn’t smile so much like that if it’s not real. And also he really, really never tries to pet me and that’s weird and I think he hates me." 

"Brother likes everyone,” Lan Wangji retorted, offended enough by this attack on his brother’s character to let his voice be heard. 

‘People who like everyone often like no one,’ Nie Huaisang’s father told him once, in the days before everything went so wrong. Nie Huaisang had listened and committed that to memory, because back then his father was the strongest and wisest man in the whole entire world. Now though, he wasn’t so sure anymore. Lan Xichen clearly loved his brother a lot, and he looked sad when people mentioned his mother so he must have loved her too. Besides, Nie Huaisang no longer believed his father to be so wise anyway. 

At the end, his father had just turned out to be mean and scary, and then he’d died and that was a relief, even if Nie Huaisang wasn’t supposed to say or even think that. And now Nie Mingjue, busy with getting the sect in order, had sent his brother away to Gusu for safety when Nie Huaisang only wanted to be with him, and that too was their father’s fault.

Everything was their father’s fault. 

“Gege likes everyone except me,” Nie Huaisang grumbled, feeling some tears threatening at the corner of his eyes after making the mistake of thinking of his family. 

It was silly that it bothered him so much whether Lan Xichen liked him or not, and he knew adults would probably have scolded him for it. It was bad of him to bask so much in the attention he received for his other form, to want everyone’s eyes on him, but he couldn’t help it. At home he was nothing special, but since coming to Gusu, everyone treated him like he was extraordinary. 

Everyone except Lan Xichen. 

-

It had been nearly a decade since Nie Huaisang’s first stay in the Cloud Recesses, but the place hadn’t changed much… and neither had he. Certainly the circumstances were different, he was there to study rather than to be protected from the power struggles that followed his father’s death, but everything else was much the same. 

So when another guest student asked whether it was true that members of the Nie clan were cursed, Nie Huaisang quickly turned into his feline form as answer. 

As he had as a young child, Nie Huaisang delighted in the gasps of shock and fear that followed. He was now old enough to understand that none of them could change, though it still puzzled how anyone could live perpetually on two legs. Nie Huaisang pitied them, really, and that was part of why he was always so willing to transform for the entertainment of others, almost an apology for being better than them. 

Mostly though, he enjoyed this rare chance to feel superior. 

After the first moment of fear and horror, the other boys quickly recovered, their emotions turning to wonder and curiosity. 

“Is it really a curse?" 

"Where do your clothes go?" 

"Does it hurt?" 

“Can the curse be transmitted?”

"Can I touch you?" 

The last question was repeated a few times, making Nie Huaisang shiver when they all tried to pet his fur. It always scared him a little how quickly people forgot he was a person, and tried to touch him with a disrespect for boundaries they’d never dare to have when he was human. When he was younger he didn’t mind it so much, but the more he grew, the less he tolerated the touch of strangers. Still, he sat still, his head hung low to give them permission. 

People never liked it when he refused to be pet, and he wanted to be liked so badly. 

Just as the boldest of the other boys dared to bury a hand into the fur of his neck, a voice rang behind them. 

"What is going on here?” Lan Xichen asked. 

On pure instinct, Nie Huaisang dropped on his stomach to show he meant no trouble, looking up at his brother’s friend who seemed upset.

He always seemed upset around Nie Huaisang. 

“Lan gongzi, that’s Nie gongzi !” one boy exclaimed, as if Lan Xichen might not have known that. “Isn’t it amazing? He’s cursed but he was going to let us pet him!" 

If Nie Huaisang had missed the frown on the older boy’s face, the smell of his anger was unmistakable. He made himself lay even flatter on the ground, a little scared he might have gotten in trouble on his very first day there. 

"I am well aware this is Nie gongzi, I recognise him,” Lan Xichen said with a pleasant smile. “I understand you are all new to the Cloud Recesses, but we have rules that must be respected. Unnecessary noise is frowned upon. Besides, it will soon be time for dinner, and you should start heading to the dining halls to make sure you get there on time.”

His voice was calm, gentle even, and he wasn’t that much older than them, but not a single one of them would have dared to object. Such was the effect that Lan Xichen had on people. Even Nie Huaisang quickly returned to his other shape so he could obey, but Lan Xichen stopped him from following the others. 

“You should not use your gift like this,” he mildly scolded. 

Nie Huaisang nodded, because his brother had often told him the same. It was one thing to shift whenever he pleased inside the Unclean Realm, where there were many others like him, but away from home he ought to have been more cautious. 

“I won’t do it again, Lan gongzi,” he mumbled. “I swear, the whole time I’m here I’ll stay human." 

"I wouldn’t ask that of you,” Lan Xichen protested. “It would be cruel of me. But exercise more caution, at least around people who you do not know well.”

“That's…" 

"Just then, you seemed uncomfortable, right?” Lan Xichen asked, a little unsure now. “Or did I misunderstand the situation?" 

Hesitantly, Nie Huaisang nodded again. It surprised him that Lan Xichen could read the body language of his other form. Outside of Qinghe Nie, few people could, unless they had a deep connection to a Nie. But of course, that was the case of Lan Xichen, who was so close to Nie Mingjue, so it shouldn’t have surprised him. 

"You shouldn’t let people touch you if you don’t like it,” Lan Xichen admonished, to which Nie Huaisang could only nod again. Lan Xichen sighed. “Huaisang…" 

Nie Huaisang looked at the other boy, hunching his shoulder as he awaited more reprimand, perhaps even punishment for making trouble already. Lan Xichen no longer seemed angry though. A little disappointed, almost sad, but not angry. Or, well, disappointed for sure. But sad? He had no reason to be sad, so Nie Huaisang had to be misreading that part. 

"Yes, Lan gongzi?" 

Lan Xichen sighed and shook his head. 

"Nothing. We should go too, it wouldn’t do for us to be late to dinner." 

"Yes, Lan gongzi." 

Another sigh, and when Nie Huaisang looked again, Lan Xichen’s expression was definitely somewhat sad. 

"I wouldn’t mind if you used my name,” he said with uncharacteristic hesitation. “You don’t have to be so formal with me. After all, you call my brother by name." 

"Oh but it’s different, Wangji is my friend!” Nie Huaisang protested. “I really could not disrespect you like this!" 

Lan Xichen pinched his lips, and turned away. 

"Let’s just go. We’re really going to be late otherwise." 

He started walking without waiting for Nie Huaisang who could only follow a few steps behind, wondering if he had somehow offended the other boy. 

They made it on time for dinner, but only just. Lan Qiren threw Nie Huaisang an angry glare, as if it were his fault if his perfect nephew had nearly broken a rule. 

Nie Huaisang sighed as he dug into his meatless meal, and promised himself to avoid Lan Xichen in the future. 

-

Classes were a nightmare, and Nie Huaisang was sure he’d have to come back another year.

Meals were a nightmare, and he often had to go secretly hunt at night just to have some meat.

Other students were a nightmare, angry at him whenever he refused to change into his other form to amuse them. 

So far, Nie Huaisang did not much enjoy his time in the Cloud Recesses. 

At least, there was Lan Wangji, whose companionship was still so pleasant after all these years. Even though they had both grown and changed in many ways, in others they were still the same, able to spend endless hours in comfortable silence together. Anyone else needed to beg or threaten to get Nie Huaisang to transform before them these days, but all Lan Wangji needed was a glance and it was a done thing. 

As the weeks passed, Nie Huaisang found himself visiting his friend every chance he had. Whenever it was warm enough, they would be on the porch together, Nie Huaisang laying in the sun in his animal shape, Lan Wangji sitting against him with a book or a piece of music he needed to study. Lan Qiren was never happy to find them like that, but could find nothing in his precious rules to forbid it. Lan Wangji usually just ignored him, obeying rules to the letter and refusing to consider other matters. As for Nie Huaisang, after a shichen spent in that form, he couldn’t care about things as useless as propriety and etiquette.

Everything was so much simpler when he was a snow leopard.

Everything, except Lan Xichen’s disapproval.

At least, Nie Huaisang thought of it as disapproval. Lan Wangji had more than once assured him that his brother bore him no ill-will, even hinting that he thought his friend was the one to bring coldness and distance into their acquaintance, but Nie Huaisang knew better. Lan Xichen always stayed a step or two away from him, especially when he was in his animal form, and he had that look on his face if he saw him playing with others as a leopard in the Cloud Recesses… though he usually had his expression more under control if Nie Huaisang was only with Lan Wangji, so of course his brother wouldn’t have noticed.

It really upset Nie Huaisang that Lan Xichen disliked him like that, though he wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was just that Lan Xichen clearly liked Nie Mingjue and Lan Wangji so much, who were also Nie Huaisang’s favourite people in the world, and it stung that the affection couldn’t be extended to him.

-

It was almost fall, but the weather was still warm that afternoon, so of course Nie Huaisang and Lan Wangji were together on the porch of the house the latter shared with his uncle and brother.

Until then, it had not been a very pleasant day for Nie Huaisang. The results of his last batch of exams had arrived, confirming something he had known for months: he was an idiot, and would need to return the year after to try learning what everyone else had managed in one year. His brother would be furious, just as Lan Qiren had been angry at this stain on his career as a teacher. Well, Nie Huaisang assumed he was angry. He hadn’t said anything, but of course he had to be angry.

At least, in his other shape, those things stopped mattering. As long as he could lay in the sun and enjoy Lan Wangji’s company, Nie Huaisang was a happy snow leopard.

Of course, even that was ruined when Lan Xichen appeared on the path to the house and walked right toward them, carrying a message from his uncle who requested Lan Wangji’s presence. Usually ever obedient, it was clear that Lan Wangji felt somewhat reluctant to leave his friend when he had been crying so much earlier, before taking on his animal form. Still, open rebellion was not in Lan Wangji’s nature and he quickly went, leaving his poor friend in the company of his brother.

Unwilling to annoy Lan Xichen, Nie Huaisang forced himself to turn back into a human. It took effort, as it always did when he was upset, but he managed.

“You could have stayed like that,” Lan Xichen said with a hint of a frown. “You’ve had a rough day. Isn’t it easier for Nie people to handle their emotions in their other shape?”

Nie Huaisang felt himself blush at the accusation and looked away. It was true, of course. The instant he’d become human again, the pain of failing his exams so badly had quickly returned, with now the added shame of being told he was too emotional over this. It really was too much. Nie Huaisang was sure he was going to cry if he stayed human too long, and it made him almost angry that Lan Xichen could be so dismissive with him when he was usually so kind to others.

"Lan gongzi, why do you dislike me so much?” he asked, hating how whiny he sounded but unable to help himself.

Lan Xichen startled and stared at him, eyes wide with surprise.

“Why would you think such a thing?" 

"When you look at me, you often have that expression on your face,” Nie Huaisang explained with a shrug, daring to meet his eyes. “And you’re always looking at me if you’re nearby, like I’m going to make trouble otherwise. I won’t, you know! I’m trying hard not to! And then, also…" 

"Also?" 

Nie Huaisang shook his head. "No, it’s stupid. It’s really nothing. And it’s fine if you don’t like me!" 

"I’m sure your concerns are not stupid,” Lan Xichen replied in an oddly strangled voice. “Tell me what I’ve done to make you believe I dislike you, so that I may correct it in the future." 

It was an odd thing to say, as if it mattered what Nie Huaisang believed. Still, ordered to speak, it would have been wrong to stay silent. 

"Everyone tries to touch me in my other form,” he explained. “But you never do. Even when we were little… You’ve really disliked me from the start, I guess?" 

"I haven’t!” Lan Xichen cried out with emotion, before quickly regaining his composure. “Huaisang, I’ve never disliked you. And I’ve been… I’ve been as tempted by your fur as everyone else,” he admitted, some colour rising on his cheeks. “Even when I was little. But everyone was always touching you, often without your permission, so I thought it would be wrong to ask. I’ve long thought if you ever want to be pet by me you will say so, and otherwise it is better to leave you alone, since you are already pestered by so many others." 

"Lan gongzi, I think that’s the kindest thing anyone has ever told me,” Nie Huaisang spluttered, his heart racing so fast and so hard that it nearly made him dizzy. 

Nobody else ever seemed to care what he preferred in terms of boundaries, except Lan Wangji… but even he had had to learn over time, and at first he had imposed himself as much as all the others. Aside from that, the only people who hadn’t tried to pet Nie Huaisang upon seeing his other form were those who got too scared. 

“If that’s the case, I’ll have a word with your brother,” Lan Xichen retorted with a warm smile that, for once, reached his eyes. “You deserve more kindness than that, Huaisang." 

His cheeks ablaze, Nie Huaisang pouted. 

"Now you’re teasing, Lan gongzi. But… So, you would want to?" 

"Would you?” Lan Xichen retorted, his face a little redder in spite of the calm of his voice. 

It was tempting to say no, just to see what would happen. If it had been anyone else, Nie Huaisang would have put the other person to the test, refusing to be touched yet still transform to tempt them. But Lan Xichen wasn’t just any person, he had proved already he would respect Nie Huaisang’s choice. 

And as to whether Nie Huaisang wanted it or not… 

It had always bothered him that Lan Xichen alone wouldn’t try to pet him in his other form. Part of it was just that he liked attention. But even after he had started disliking the touch of most others, he had still wondered about Lan Xichen. If he gave scratches half as good as Lan Wangji's… and with those long fingers of his, delicate enough for a guqin, strong enough for a bow, how could he not? 

In a heartbeat, Nie Huaisang made his choice and turned into his other shape once more, quickly walking closer to Lan Xichen. The older boy knelt down next to him, but still made no movement to touch him. 

“You didn’t really answer my question, Huaisang,” he noted, sounding somewhat amused. 

A fair remark, and one that made Nie Huaisang’s heart clench in emotion. He didn’t want to turn back into a human, so instead he rubbed himself against Lan Xichen’s knees, hoping the invitation would be clear enough. 

It must have been. Lan Xichen chuckled, and ran one hand through the thick fur on Nie Huaisang’s back. 

“It’s softer than I thought,” Lan Xichen whispered in awe, a bright smile on his lips. “Worth the wait, certainly. Thank you for allowing me." 

For a moment, Nie Huaisang feared the other boy would leave it at that, content with this single touch. He was happily proven wrong when Lan Xichen gently pet his head, letting his fingers glide behind one ear to lightly scratch there, right where it felt the best. 

Nie Huaisang didn’t even realise he had started purring until Lan Xichen’s hands stilled on the back of his head. 

"Is it you making that noise?” he gasped. 

Nie Huaisang nodded, still purring. In this form he never felt as much embarrassment as when he was human, so he shamelessly nuzzled again Lan Xichen’s wrist, silently begging for him to resume scratching him. Even Lan Wangji and Nie Mingjue, who knew him so well, didn’t do it half as well. 

“You really are full of surprises, Huaisang,” Lan Xichen said with a gentle laugh.

Nie Huaisang purred louder, pressing himself harder against the other boy until he ended up half on Lan Xichen’s lap. A great place to be, although the more human part of him would probably die of shame later, when he would return to his other form and realise what he had done.

A problem for later.

At that moment, laying on Lan Xichen’s legs and with his head scratched to perfection, Nie Huaisang was the happiest he had ever been, and nothing could spoil that.

#xisangweek2020 #xisang #nie huaisang #lan xichen #mdzs #NHS&LWJ AS BFF AGENDA HECK YEAH #tbh I think 99% of the discussions about this AU end up being about lwj having bff priviledge and everyone being jealous?XD #anyway sorry I've brought maybe a touch of angst into this (literally) fluffy AU XD

[littlebitoffanfic]

Celebration

Fandom: The Collector/The Collection Character: Asa Emory – the collector Relationship: Asa Emory/reader Request: Since I have seen you do some slashers, can I request Asa from The Collector? Something sweet where the reader works with him and is an alibi and then saves him when Arkin comes for him in the collection?

  You knew him from your work although you didn’t know him well. Asa was a private man, reserved to his office and displays for the museum. You were tour guide with a hand in some of the office work. After all, the museum didn’t get an awful amount of funding to be able to employee more office workers. Today, you were happy. It was a sunny day, which meant people were less likely to come to the museum for an indoor activity. Your tours still ran ever 2 hours, but a smaller group had less questions and you could normally be done within an hour, leaving an hour free. You all but skipped down the halls like a school girl, your project held tightly in your arms as you stopped outside Dr Emory office. knocking three time, you waited for him. He towered over you, and had such a demanding presences that made you weak at the knees. Your crush on his was not unnoticed by your co-workers. 

“Good morning.” You smile, trying your best to work through the flutters in your chest. “Its 1.30.” he stated, his eyes unreadable. “Oh, well, good afternoon. Could I steal a few minutes of your time?” You ask, nearly slapping yourself in the face for your mistake. His eyes darted to the folder in your arms and he stepped aside, allowing you to enter. This was a privilege in itself. Barely anyone was allowed within his office. But Asa seemed to tolerate you more than the others. Perhaps because you were his neighbour. Now that had truly been a happy accident. His previous neighbour was selling and you were looking for somewhere when you moved here. It just so happened that your neighbour to your left was also a co-worker. Entering his office was like entering a new world. The walls were decorated with various bugs throughout different ages in their lives. Butterfly’s, beetles and roaches but the most prominent member of his displays were spiders. Your attention was drawn to a particular specimen. Pinned in a shadow box was a blue spider. The sign under called it a Cobalt Blue Tarantula. “Wow, those markings are fascinating.” You mumble aloud, more to yourself that to the mans whos office you were in. “Truly. The Cyriopagopus lividum.. native to the borders of Thailand.” Asa speaks so fondly of the dead creature that it makes you smile slightly. There was no denying his love for his work. “Are they venomous?” You ask, purely out of curiosity. “Yes, but the venom not strong enough to kill an adult human. Although its not pleasant.” Asa walks past you to his desk and drawing you from your thoughts. “Now, you wanted something?” “Yes, I was wondering if you might help me with an exhibition.” You hold out the folder to him as you sit at the other side of his desk. He takes it and opens it, showing a sort of mood board you had put together ranging from other exhibitions to enclosures to photo life-spans of certain creatures. “an exhibition?” His eyes flick up to meet your own with curiosity. In truth, you hated how under appreciated he was at the museum and his knowledge should be put to good use. “Yes, for insects. Of course, I’d do most of the work, but I’d really apricate someone who I can fact check with and can offer some insight.” You smile sweetly, and the small smile that pulled at Asa’s lips told you that he was in.

-------------time skip ------------------

Your time spend with the entomologist was one of the most pleasant and interesting interactions you had had in a while. Walking to his office, you held your papers in your hands. You were about to knock when you heard voices inside. Pressing your ear against the door, you listened. “Dr Emory, unless you can provide an alibi for your whereabouts on Saturday evening, we will have enough to arrest you under suspicious of connection with the collector killings.” A voice spoke with authority. Your heart stopped. The collector killings had fascinated you ever since they had come to light. And Asa, well, he was a private man. If they were threatening such a thing, there must be something behind it. And you wanted to know. The two men that seemed to cloud your thoughts could be one. Your mind thought quickly as you came up with a plan. Knocking on the door, you walked in without waiting – something you never really did. Once inside, you acted like a deer in headlights. Two men sat opposite Asa’s desk  in suits. “oh, sorry. Are you from the board?” You asked sincerely but you didn’t let them answer before quickly adding. “Look, Dr Emory and I are neighbours. Its perfectly reasonable for us to spend our evenings and weekends in each others company. Besides, if Tiffany told you about us, she has been having an affair with the janitor.” You could tell Asa was just as stunned as you were. One of the men smiled and stood. “You don’t need to be alarmed, miss. We are from the investigations team.” He then presented his ID badge to you. “Oh, gosh. I am so sorry.” You looked stunned, despite already knowing. “Its okay. But I am interested in what you said. Do you know where Dr Emory was on Saturday evening between 5pm and 11pm?” The man leaned back on Asa’s desk while the other twisted to fully look at you. “He was with me.” You said, talking to the two detectives. “At my house.” “with you? He said he was home alone.” The one with the strong jaw line narrowed his eyes at you. “Yes, well, its not against any policies, our director has been known to fire people for having… interpersonal relationships with colleagues. We’d agreed to keep it a secret. He would have been trying to protect me, in case this got out to the others.” You explain to them, not daring to look at Asa. You knew you were playing with fire here. But what you said wasn’t a stretch. The director had fired a member of the geology department… for sleeping with his wife in astrology. He really cared what staff did as long as they did their job. And didn’t fuck his wife.   “Is this true?” He asked Asa, who gave a single nod. “And is there anyone who can corroborate this?” The detective asked you, more kindly than the others. “Not really. As I said, it was a secret so I’d appreciate it if you kept this between us. Although, you can ask half the staff in this building and they’ll tell you that ive had a crush on the man since I moved here, and they know we have been spending more time together. They are so fond of teasing me for it anyway.” You manage to draw a chuckle from one as he jabbed the other detective in the shoulder which earned a smile. Apparently, there was a similar situation going on where they were. “Right, well, we’d better be on our way. We’ll be back in touch soon.” The one sitting rose to his feet, nodding to both you and Asa before he and his partner left. They left and the door had closed for a brief moment before you felt someone grab your arm and you were twisted to meet Asa. He didn’t say anything and his cheeks were slightly red, but his ears were bright red. “So, you are the collector?” You breathe, looking up at him with a small smile tugging on your lips. “What do you want?” He growled, his voice low and menacing. Oh, he wasn’t happy. “I want to know.” You breath, stepping closer to him. “You take parts, right? What do you do with them? Keep mementos? Are you making something?” His nostrils flares out, obviously angry. You understood. You had let yourself into his world, and he couldn’t do a thing about it. He couldn’t kill you because it would point the fingers back to him. No, it was smart to keep you close. He let out an exasperated sigh, reaching up and pinching his brow. “look, once this has blown over for you, I wont say a word. I don’t expect anything for it. If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to.” You reassured him. “Why?” His eyes narrow at you, but you shrug. “honestly, you fascinate me.” You confess to the man, even more intrigued than before. You saw the smirk that twitched at the side of his mouth.

----------------- time skip ------------

The world of the collector was one you never dreamed you would see inside, and you loved it. It took trust to get him to let you see. First you saw the inside of the hotels lobby, then some traps, then some of the beautiful creations he made, then his prize possession. you never participated, but you provided a bit more support for him, offering help from the side lines in exchange for information and his time. If he was suspicious of you, he couldn’t deny the genuine interest in your eyes as he spoke, or how you hung on every word of his. He seemed to love how you marvelled at everything with a child-like innocents. Wide eyes and a curious mind. He kept you very close, at work and in your personal lives. It took 5 months in total for the cops to ease up off of Asa, but they still occasionally found their way to his house, watching it. He would come to yours in those situations, still keeping the façade up that you were in some kind of relationship.   Not that you cared. You found that the two of you had a lot in common which made the time easily spent. Of course, his dogs loved you. When you came round to his, they were pawing at the floor to get to you but waited for their master to give them the signal to move. They really were puppies at heart. Also, sometimes you thought Asa just said they were there to spend time with you. Either way, you didn’t mind. Tonight, you were buried in a book when a harsh knock at your door made you jump but you hurried to answer it, finding a slightly wet Asa. You smiled, stepping aside and allowing him to step in. “You’d think the police budget within the millions by how much they come around.” You giggle, helping his jacket off his shoulders to hang up to dry. He hummed in response, wiping his face with a hand to try get the stray rain droplet off. “So, how was your recent game?” you asked as he followed you into the living room, where you had been reading. You collapsed back into the couch and held your book on your lap. “Uneventful. No one worthy to take.” He mused as he walked over to your book shelf and pulled out the book he had been reading last time. As he returned to your sofa to sit beside you – a show for the police outside – the book fell open to the page he had been reading. But instead of the paperclip he had been using to keep his place, it was a book mark. A novelty bookmark that you had swiped from the gift shop. It was one of those fake 3D ones, with spiders moving on green leaf’s. You raised your book over your mouth to hide your grin. “very amusing.” He soft chuckle left his lips as he placed it to the side. You giggled, moving to reposition yourself. Your sofa faced the TV which was to the right of the window. Meaning anyone who walked by outside could see in. but it was a quiet neighbourhood. Apart from the undercover police. You lay on the sofa, your legs draped over Asa’ lap which you rested your head on some pillows propped up against the arm rest. Asa rose the book without tearing his eyes away from it to allow your legs to move before lowering to rest his forearms on your knee and thighs. Despite being a bit of a play for the police, it began to feel a little more real. You would engage him in conversation through out the evening, and he would tear his attention away from the book to ask you about your day. In fact, you had started to think that Asa had missed this. With the police’s interest dwindling, so had his trips. Even your encounters in work were now limited as you had finished your exhibition. Or many it was just the part of you that had fallen so madly in love with the man that wished he wanted your company. Your eyes left the page to glance at his face. mature features with intelligent eyes. You hated how he could make your heart stop. Maybe this was fake to him, but it was so real to you. Turning your attention back to your book, you didn’t look up until the sun had fully set. Glancing at the clock, you were surprised to see it was nearly 10pm. “Gosh, I swear I’ll never get use to these changing sunsets. Every year it takes me by surprise.” You sit up, stretching as Asa chuckles. Leaning forward, you press a kiss to his cheek before lifting your legs off his lap to stand up. Asa followed, and you smiled when he marked his page with the bookmark you had gotten him. “You’re nearly finished. I told you it’s a page turner.” You nodded to the book, which he was nearly finished save for 50 pages. “Yes, all the more reason to come back.” He shot a look over his shoulder that made you smirk. Playful teasing had become something you adored in the man. It was another reason that made you doubt this was fake. They couldn’t hear what was happening, so why play around. Sliding the book back into the slot, he picked up the remote which had been forgotten on the sofa to go to the window and place it on the stand. A ploy for him to see if they were still watching the house. “I think you’re right. They get far too much funding. It could be going to the museum.” He mused as he turned back to you. Maybe they needed to see more. Or maybe you wanted more. Just to test the waters. Walking up to him, you reach up and placed your hands on his shoulders. “Kiss me?” You whisper to him, pressing your body against his own. Wide eyes met your own and you couldn’t help but giggle. “They can see through the window.” That was enough to encourage the man to duck down, pressing a kiss to your lips. he could have lightly kissed your lips and pulled away after a few moment, but he didn’t. In fact, you were sure he had forgotten all about the car outside. His arms wrapped around your waist and you were pulled tight against his strong chest as his lips fought your own for dominance which you quickly surrendered. His tongue slipped inside your mouth, making you moan as reach up and place your hand on the back of his head near his neck to keep his mouth to your own. Not like he was pulling away any time soon. you felt him push you backwards and you allowed him to push you till your back hit the wall and he pinned you to it. they couldn’t see you anymore, but you didn’t care. Raising your right leg, you hooked it around his hip as his hand trailed down your side and followed the curve to your thigh, holding you in that position. He was driving you crazy, his touch was like fire as you cling to him. When he does pull back, you are left a panting mess with rosy cheek. But his tell was his red ears despite the smirk on his lips. “So, tell me, where does the line between fake and real stop?” he asks, keeping his face close to your own. “With a kiss like that.” You bite your lower lip, completely aware of how his hand had kept your leg hooked on his hip. “The police aren’t outside. They left over an hour ago.” Asa’s voice was low, barely about a whisper. “They did?” You raise your eye brows at him. A nod answers your question and you were left pondering your next move. “Good.” As leans down, sealing his lips over your own.

 -----time skip ------

 You were sitting in your living room, half heartedly flicking through the channel when you notice Asa’ car drive past your window. Smiling, you turn off the TV and grab your small bag. It was a Friday, which meant that Asa worked late. But it also meant you would be staying over with him. A few weeks ago, shit had really hit the fan. You really didn’t know what happened, expect that the hotel was burned to the ground, and Asa only just escaped with his life. He was badly hurt, and you were thankful that he had taken a week off for holidays. It had been holidays he was going to spend with you in his cabin up north, but plans changed. You stayed by his side during his recovery. Asa had lost nearly everything that night. His creations, his sanctuary, his dogs, his prizes. But he had been thankful to come home to you. He had extended his own holiday but you returned to work the next week. He said he had fallen while on a hike so no one questioned his cuts and bruising when he did go back. You took your bag and left your home for the evening, locking it up as you set to go to Asa. He had regained most of his energy and health back, which you were hoping he might be up for something a little more… activity related tonight. The lingerie in your bag certainly hoped so. he was already out the car and into the house as you walked up. But something caught your eye. In his living room, there was someone hiding in the corner. Your breath caught in your throat as you recognised the man. His name was Arkin. He had been the one who had escaped Asa, the one who caused his injuries. You only recognised him because Asa had pointed him out when the new came on one evening. And you highly doubted that he was here to say a friendly hello. Running around the back, you ducked under the window so as not to be seen. You ditched your bag in a bush as you made your way to the back door just as you heard heavy metal music blare through the house. You wanted to scream to Asa, but the glint you had seen in Arkins hands wasn’t enough to tell you if it was a gun or a knife. Slipping into his kitchen, you heard the music being turned off and then silence. You took a large knife from the knife block on the counter and held it as if to stab. And you were willing to. Then you slowly opened the bottom draw, which had some duct tape in it. You round the edge, only slightly pulling it off. If you were going to hurt someone, they cant make a lot of sound. You moved into the hallway which connected to the living room and dinning room. “All those insects. You’re quite the collector.” A voice, Arkins voice spoke, making you pause as you made sure no one knew you were here. “In a 200 mile radios from where we last saw each other, there are 14 licensed entomologists. You were number 12.” As Arkin spoke, you moved slowly down the hallway, looking behind you ever second in case someone else was here. “Your daddy ran a museum, didn’t he? Fucked you up real good.” His words made you feel sick. Asa never spoke of his father. His mother was held with high regard, and he said he wanted you to meet her when she was next in town. But he had shut off when you asked about his father. Arkin was right. “Turn around.” You pressed your back against the wall as you inched closer to the doorway. Tape in your left hand, the edge taped to your finger, and the knife in the other. You could see from the glass display cabinet that Asa and Arkin were standing face to face near the entrance to the dinning room. Arking had his back to you. And a gun raised at Asa’ face. Fear rushed through you as the analogy of ‘don’t bring a knife to a gun fight’ flooded your mind. “Are you here to kill me?” Asa spoke with a calmness you couldn’t fathom. “No. that would be too nice. First im gonna make sure feel everything that I felt. Then im gonna kill you.” You could hear the smugness in his voice. “So that you can never hurt anyone-“ He was cut off as Asa lunged at him. But Arkin gave a swift jab to the face, causing him to tumble back. Into a red box. Your gasp was covered as Arkin flipped the box and started slamming the lid shut again and again, growling “fuck you.”  Before the lack closed. he stepped back, gasping for air. He thought he was alone. Darting into the room, you raise the knie and bought it down into his right shoulder and an angle. He instantly dropped the gun. Letting go of the knife for a moment, you grabbed the roll of tape and started wrapping it round and round his mouth. He had only just managed to let out a cry of pain as his legs gave way under him. He reached up, struggling so you grabbed the knife and pulled it from the flesh. Using the sharp, bloodstained blade, you cut the tape and he collapsed to the ground moaning. You gave him a quick kick in the face before kicked the gun that had fallen out of reach. The last thing you needed was neighbours calling the police for gunfire at the house. You raced over to the box. “Asa, its me.” You reassured him through the small walls in case he tried to attack whoever opened the box. When you pulled the lid open, he scrambled to his feet, the anger in his eyes blazing as he found his attacker on the floor. Arkin was groaning, unable to move just yet but you were sure he’d be up and about soon enough. “Your hands.” You whispered, reaching out and taking his right hand which was covered in blood from Arkin slamming the box down. Your heart broke. He had not long healed. Arkin began to come around, his eyes darting between the two of you as he realized what had happened. He looked at you with an unimaginable about of rage and anger in his eyes as he tried to scream. Asa darted forward, twisting him around and pinning him to the ground, a knee in his back and his hand pressing on the new wound. “The tape.” He commanded of you, and you immediately grabbed the duct tape which had rolled away slightly. Finding the end, you saw Asa grabbing Arkins left hand and you mirrored with his right. Bringing them forcefully behind his back, you taped them in place, then went to tape his ankles together. Once satisfied, Asa hauled the man off the ground and threw him into the box, the lid closing over with the force. Asa flipped the latch. Looking him inside. You didn’t realise you were panting and shaking until Asa was looking at you. Racing forward, you wrap your arms around his torso and bury your face in his chest. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?” He ask, holding him as tightly as you could. A bloody hand stroked your cheek as another rubbed your back to sooth you. “No, you got here right on time.” There was a softness to his voice that made you melt as you looked up at him and smiled. “I’m too late to be a guard dog. Ludwig or Vivaldi wouldn’t have let him get close enough to hurt you.” You shake your head as you pull back, taking his hands in your own once again to inspect the damage. But he turned his hands over and took your own. “How about we go up to the cabin this weekend?” Asa askes, his question not very well fitted for the currant moment. “huh?” Your eyes glanced to the box which was moving slightly as Arkin struggled. “Oh, we’ll take him. And, since I am out of commission right now, perhaps I can show you some tricks.” Asa smirked as your eyes light up at his words. “Yes!” You bounce on the balls of your feet. You went up on your tiptoes to kiss him, resisting every urge not to pull him upstairs to his bedroom right now. Pulling back, you dart down and pick up the gun, offering it to Asa. “I’ll go get some stuff to see to your hands. And I’ll run back and pack a quick bag and then come and pack your things. I think I should drive, though. You’ll have to give me instructions.” You rattle off, the excitement obvious in your voice. “Oh, you’ll get use to taking instruction this weekend.” Asa whispered in your ear, making you blush and bite your lip with a smirk. Arkin seemed to get a burst of energy and started flaying around in the box, which only moved slightly. “He truly is annoying, isn’t he?” you huffed, hating the moment was ruined by him. Asa simply chuckled and walked up to the box, sitting on it and stopping it from shifting. As you flitted around, gathering supplies and seeing to his hands and then packing his things, Asa watched with a soft eyes. He would be lying if he said he trusted you from the start. And even more so if he admitted there had still been a small part of him that thought you were with the police. but that doubt was well gone. And this weekend, he wanted to celebrate this strange relationship. And oh, what a celebration it would be.

#the collector #the collection #asa emory #asa emory x reader #asa x reader #the collector x reader

[rosethornewrites]

Fic: the thing with feathers, ch. 10

Relationships: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn & Yú Zǐyuān, Jiāng Fēngmián & Yú Zǐyuān, Jiāng Yànlí & Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín & Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī & Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Jiāng Fēngmián & Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Lán Qǐrén & Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn

Characters: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī, Lán Yuàn | Lán Sīzhuī, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín, Yú Zǐyuān, Yínzhū, Jīnzhū, Lán Jǐngyí, Jiāng Fēngmián, Jiāng Yànlí, Lán Qǐrén, Lán Huàn | Lán Xīchén

Additional Tags: Transmigration, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, Illnesses, Family, Scars, Memory Loss, Angst, Crying, Music, Nosebleed, Fear, Recovery, Nightmares, Sharing a Bed, Flirting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort

Summary: A day in the market turns into a philosophical challenge for Lan XiChen.

Notes: Ren is a Confucian concept involving the virtue of altruism and humanity/humaneness. XiChen is lost in his teachings and how what he’s learning at Lotus Pier connect to those teachings at the end here, so we have reference to many ancient Chinese philosophers. I almost had this chapter in Madam Yu’s perspective, but I realized XiChen’s would be better. He’s changing too—particularly important because (at least imo) canon XiChen was very passive because of the rules he felt he needed to abide by. He’s being challenged by this experience. So are all the other characters, as we can see with Madam Yu in this chapter. The Chinese suffix -men is a way to turn certain words plural, often general words rather than specific. Thus, referring to the fact that they will have many martial brothers and sisters (younger and older) would justify the use. I know this only because of the wonderful @merakilyy​, who has on multiple occasions been kind enough to answer my questions about Chinese language usage. Also, xingan literally means heart and liver and is kind of the equivalent of “my heart and soul.”

AO3 link

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 

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Living at Lotus Pier had been strange for XiChen for many reasons, not the least of which was spending so much less time with WangJi. He knew he wasn’t unwelcome by any means—Wei WuXian always greeted him with a smile and was happy to include him in lunch and their afternoon music sessions when he stopped by. But XiChen had always been friendly with his fellow disciples and had his friendship with Nie MingJue; Wei WuXian was WangJi’s first friend, the first person he’d allowed close enough, the first person who didn’t seem intimidated by what had often been interpreted as coldness.

He was afraid, during the weeks Wei WuXian was unconscious, that whatever WangJi had seen in the boy that had led him to give him their mother’s rattle drum all those years ago would lead him to grieve just as hard for this boy as he had their mother if he died. But he had woken, and despite the amnesia had glommed onto WangJi, as though by virtue of being the first person he remembered, he had imprinted, for lack of a better word. And WangJi seemed happy with their friendship.

So XiChen joined them for lessons each morning with shufu, often finding himself fascinated by the questions Wei WuXian asked, questions no Lan would think of. Though it isn’t clear how much was memory loss and how much was a freer upbringing, he could tell those questions sometimes challenged shufu, though he never lost his temper.

The most fascinating one so far was “Who decided what’s right and what’s wrong? What if they’re wrong?”

Shufu had asked for an example, and clearly hadn’t expected the boy to come up with one, but he had, a far-away look in his eyes.

“Like one part of a clan does something really evil, and people decide to wipe out the whole clan so it can never happen again. And everyone says it’s justified, but they let kids and civilians get killed. But if anyone tries to stop it people say they’re bad.”

XiChen had just stared, glancing finally at his uncle, who looked nonplussed. Shufu even asked if Wei WuXian heard of this occurring, and the boy just shrugged.

“The cultivation world can be wrong,” shufu finally answered, “and can fail in our obligations to the people. No human is infallible.”

Wei WuXian sometimes seemed to be far away during lessons, head tilted as though deep in thought, but shufu was quite tolerant of this given that he was still recovering, and given that he still seemed to take in what they were learning.

Overall, XiChen found Wei WuXian fascinating, and thought he was the right person to bring WangJi out of his shell. Already his brother was trying new things: foods, music, swimming lessons. Sect Leader Jiang had asked if both of them would like training in the Jiang style sword forms, even, and WangJi had nodded. WangJi smiled, even tiny ones most people didn’t notice, more in the last few weeks since Wei WuXian woke than he had since their mother died.

Even shufu seemed impacted by Lotus Pier. XiChen was able to help teach Jiang YanLi to read music and adjust to playing the konghou, the first time he was allowed to teach. He had never played one himself, but teaching her to read music had been fun, and he found her company pleasing—they were never unaccompanied as it would be inappropriate, generally with shufu overseeing or one of Madam Yu’s maids in the room. She had already gotten blisters from playing her beginner konghou but seemed unbothered by them. 

“I had to get used to developing callouses from chopping vegetables,” she confessed to him. “I know this is part of the process.

He had the opportunity during lunches with her, WangJi, and Wei WuXian in the infirmary to enjoy her cooking—her talent in that regard was unmistakable. She was also a quick learner, and he admired her commitment to becoming a healer, particularly after learning she had to commit to improving her weak cultivation to do so. XiChen had actually learned several techniques from listening to shufu advise her.

He found her quite admirable. 

But more, shufu just today invited XiChen and WangJi to be open with their emotions with him, where he’d previously lectured them on excessive emotion. And he had cancelled lessons for the first time since XiChen could remember!

They were sent off with the Jiangs and Wei WuXian to enjoy the town, the first time circumstances had allowed it. Madam Yu’s somewhat scary personal maids and a couple disciples accompanied them, all carrying baskets for purchases. 

This excursion was significantly different from the one he and WangJi had undertaken shortly after Wei WuXian woke. For one, they had no clear goal, the pace leisurely. For another, it was the first time Wei WuXian had left Lotus Cove since the attack and his illness. He carried his sword as he had not in Lotus Cove, his recovery having exempted him from the custom. In many ways, this was him rejoining the world as a cultivator. 

Immediately, townspeople reacted to seeing him, and the younger boy was clearly a little overwhelmed, clinging to WangJi’s arm and attempting polite smiles. WangJi, for his part, frowned at people who got too close. Jiang WanYin flanked Wei WuXian’s other side, a bit like a bodyguard. Jiang YanLi walked in front of him, greeting the people kindly and letting them know her brother was still recovering. When gifts were given, she placed the parcel in one of the baskets carried by a disciple or maid. 

Sect Leader Jiang and Madam Yu were at Jiang WanYin’s side, arm in arm, politely greeting the people as well.

XiChen walked beside WangJi, watching the proceedings with interest; the people of Lotus Pier clearly had great affection for the Jiangs. It was a relationship that differed greatly from that of Cloud Recesses and Caiyi, the nearest town. But Lotus Cove was nestled aside the city and aided most of the commerce in town. It was a symbiotic relationship, and the gifts represented the esteem the town held for their role in its success. 

“Yingying!” rang out across the market, coming from an elderly woman manning a baozi stall. “Come give popo a hug.”

To XiChen’s surprise, the boy brightened and broke away from WangJi’s side to approach the woman, who pulled him into her arms in a gentle but firm embrace.

“Popo was so worried. I heard you were sick.”

Wei WuXian nodded, looking up at her.

“I… Popo, I lost all my memories,” he admitted. “But you sent the baozi and I remembered you.”

The woman looked up at Sect Leader Jiang, who nodded grimly. Tears filled her eyes. 

“Oh, you poor child. That must be frightening. Let me wrap up some baozi, extra spicy for you and some mild for your siblings and friends. You can come to popo anytime.”

She released him from her embrace and then handed Wei WuXian a fresh bun. Watching him eat reminded XiChen none of them had breakfast, but the woman handed out buns to each of them.

“You Lan don’t like meat, as I recall, so here are some stuffed with bok choy, mushrooms, and tofu.”

The woman wrapped up more, ignoring her customers, who didn't seem upset, instead chatting with the Jiangs animatedly.

The baozi was delicious, though spicier than XiChen was used to. WangJi and the Jiang children seemed to similarly enjoy theirs. Popo gave Wei WuXian one last hug and then waved them off with an order to come visit more.

Madam Yu and Sect Leader Jiang alternated between talking to townspeople and looking at each other in a way XiChen sometimes saw between courting couples. He tried not to watch, instead paying attention to the people who approached and the wares in the stalls they passed. 

Wei WuXian’s admission to popo was spread as quickly as word had spread of WangJi and XiChen’s connection to Wei WuXian the day they bought the rattle drum, and people were gentler in their approach to the boy, offering their names and details to help him.

Largely they were met with blank looks and apologies, which they waved off amiably. But occasionally Wei WuXian smiled widely as a shred of memory returned, and he greeted them as well as he could. These moments were precious, he came to see, both to the townspeople and the Jiangs. 

The toy maker they visited greeted him enthusiastically and after a whisper from WangJi, Wei WuXian thanked him for the dizi, bowing properly with his sword. 

“I play it every day,” he told the man, who beamed proudly. “Lan Zhan plays the guqin with me.”

“When we heard you were ill, the wife and I made it with you in mind. You’ll want a proper dizi eventually, but we hoped it’d cheer you up.”

Sect Leader Jiang paused at that.

“A proper dizi?” he asked.

The toy maker bowed to the sect leader.

“For musical cultivation, if young master Wei decides to do that,” he clarified. “I’m afraid I don’t have the skill to craft spiritual tools, only toys.”

Jiang FengMian looked thoughtful, and Jiang YanLi spoke up.

“It would be lovely to learn musical cultivation together with a-Xian, a-die.”

She shared a glance with WangJi, and XiChen realized they had been discussing this matter.

“I’m learning to wield a whip, too, so it makes sense for him to learn that,” Jiang WanYin added.

XiChen realized they were glancing at Madam Yu surreptitiously, and he could guess this was a sore spot.

WangJi once, in a rare moment when Wei WuXian was otherwise occupied, had expressed concern over Madam Yu’s occasional hostility, and XiChen had noticed the same. She seemed to be trying to do better, but from what he had heard from disciples while training on the field, she held resentment for Wei WuXian. She had changed since the attack, but old habits were hard to break.

Madam Yu, though, made a thoughtful noise. 

“He could potentially learn the songs that have helped with the resentful energy. Could that aid in his further recovery?”

XiChen realized the question was directed at him and scrambled to answer.

“I don’t know, but it would give the Jiang sect a second musical cultivator who could help with such matters,” he said, striving both for diplomacy and to help the Jiang siblings and WangJi with their quest.

“Xingan, what do you think?” Sect Leader Jiang asked, looking at Madam Yu.

She blushed when she realized he was speaking to her. The term of endearment seemed to take her by surprise, and she smiled in a way XiChen hadn’t seen before. 

“A spiritual instrument is a good investment in his future cultivation,” she finally said. “I hope to have a-Cheng training with zidian in the next year as well.”

“We’re raising fine children, my lady,” the sect leader said.

Her smile grew, the flush spreading across her face, but she turned to Wei WuXian.

“A-Ying, we’ll find someone to make you a dizi that will serve as a fine spiritual tool.”

The boy smiled up at her, clearly happy with the idea.

“Thank you, shenshen. I’ll work hard.”

“Not too hard until you’re better,” Madam Yu said, patting his head affectionately.

The Jiang siblings shared a triumphant look with WangJi and XiChen caught Jiang FengMian looking at them indulgently—he clearly recognized their plot and had played into it while allowing them to believe they were being sneaky.

XiChen had never seen adults act like that before, but he was certain it instilled confidence in the Jiang siblings and perhaps even WangJi, which wasn’t a bad thing. It was a bit dishonest but with good intentions, an odd grey area. 

The adults approached several stalls and purchased gifts for the children—even WangJi and XiChen, to his surprise. Wei WuXian was given a new guan for his crown, an elegant lotus carved of deep purple lavender jade, something that seemed almost a message, Madam Yu picking it out personally. 

Jiang WanYin received huwan to protect his wrists during whip training, elegant with purple lacing and metal inlaid for extra protection. Maiden Jiang received mortar and pestle for learning to make medicines, crafted of a light lavender jade that had variation in color ranging from white to deep purple. The gifts were clearly meant to show support for their recent cultivation decisions. 

WangJi and XiChen were gifted matching purple and blue tassels with a lovey carved medium-hued lavender jade lotus attached to hang from their belts beside the charms that allowed them in and out Cloud Recesses.

“To remind you of your stay,” Sect Leader Jiang told them.

It seemed he was unaware of the significance of the jade tokens they wore, and of the rule against unnecessary adornments, but XiChen was certain shufu would be fine with them. After all, they were a representation of the connection they had forged to the Jiang sect. 

“And to serve as an entry token if you need to revisit Lotus Cove,” Madam Yu added. “Our disciples will recognize the gift.”

He noticed they had purchased more, and that the seller didn’t have them available publicly, and realized perhaps they did know, even if their tokens didn’t have the same properties as the Lan ones. Likely the extra tokens were for shufu and the healers. 

XiChen examined his, noting the craftsmanship of the lotus, how real, if miniature, each petal seemed. It was set into a silver disc through which the tassel’s cord threaded, held in place with knots and flat paler purple jade beads carved to resemble the Jiang sect flag’s lotus symbol.

WangJi, he saw, was already affixing the token to his belt to hang beside and behind his Lan token. XiChen did the same, then he and WangJi bowed to Sect Leader Jiang and Madam Yu in thanks for the gifts. 

The tokens didn’t have the Jiang clarity bell the sect wore, but that was unsurprising; unless he or WangJi joined the sect, they would not receive one. Yu ZiYuan had reminded Wei WuXian to don his today, on his first trip out of Lotus Cove, and it hung from his belt.

“I won’t lose it,” he had promised, three fingers raised to make it a vow, that odd far-away quality to his voice. 

Sect Leader Jiang and Madam Yu had exchanged concerned looks.

“See to it you don’t,” Madam Yu had finally replied, then stepped forward to fuss over the way his robes hung. 

As he had lost weight from his ordeal, they no longer fit properly. Little could be done about that; as the boy recovered, the robes would fit him again, barring a growth spurt. 

The sound of barking jolted XiChen back to the present. Wei WuXian went pale, moving closer to WangJi, hiding his face against his back as though it might hide him from the dog. The Jiang children took positions around him, ensuring he was surrounded and protected. 

“It’s okay, didi,” Jiang WanYin murmured. “You’re safe. We’ll keep you safe.”

XiChen abruptly remembered that Wei WuXian had been attacked by dogs and had scars. The fear was clearly so deep-seated that his amnesia hadn’t removed it.

The dog came into view, a scraggly cur, and a child dashed out from behind a stall to chase it off with a stick, others similarly armed joining from nearby. 

When the dog was gone, the children returned, and XiChen could tell from their appearance they were street kids. 

“Wei-xiong, we chased it away,” the oldest-looking boy called softly. “Sorry we let it get so close.”

When they didn’t get an immediate reply from Wei WuXian, the child looked at the others, six of them who could have ranged between four and eight. The youngest was a little girl, and the rest were boys. 

“Like Wei-xiong taught us,” he said, his voice authoritative. 

The children broke into an approximation of a proper bow.

“Greetings, Jiang-zongzhu and Yu-furen,” the children chanted.

The adults exchanged a look.

“Greetings,” Jiang FengMian returned after what seemed to be a silent conversation between himself and Madam Yu. “You know a-Ying?”

The eldest-looking nodded, clearly having elected to speak for the group. 

“Wei-xiong buys us food and taught us to stick together so the dogs and bad people won’t get us and is teaching us to read and other stuff,” the boy explained. 

From the way the children were peering at Wei WuXian, still hiding behind WangJi, they were terribly worried about their young friend. 

“You’re the ones he plays the dizi to?” XiChen asked gently.

The children nodded.

“What other things was a-Xian teaching you?” Jiang YanLi asked softly.

“Like how to feel qi so we can use it to stay warm in the winter,” the eldest boy replied, then bows quickly and politely. “Jiang-guniang.”

“I miss Wei-xiong,” the little girl said, her voice tremulous. “Is Wei-xiong better now?”

“He might not remember us, a-Lian,” another boy said softly. 

The children had clearly heard the news spreading through Lotus Pier of Wei WuXian’s amnesia.

Wei WuXian peered out from where he had hidden his face against WangJi, cautious despite the dog having been driven away.

“A-Lian,” he murmured, pronouncing the name slowly. “I… I found you. By a lotus pond. You were all wet and crying.”

He stepped out from behind WangJi, moving as though in a trance, lost in a newly returned memory.

“You said your name was a-Jī (圾, trash),” and XiChen couldn’t quite hold in a gasp at a child believing such to be their name. “And so, I said you were a gift from the lotuses and should be named a-Lian.”

The little girl rushed forward, crashing into him.

“Wei-xiong,” she sobbed, her little arms around his waist. “You were gone for so long and they said you were sick, and I was scared.”

Wei WuXian looked dazed and overwhelmed, and XiChen realized that a trickle of blood was oozing from his nose—it hadn’t happened in a few days, but he had been overstimulated today with this outing… 

WangJi also noticed and put an arm around him as he swayed dangerously, keeping him upright. Wei WuXian’s grip loosened on his sword, and Jiang WanYin took it before he could drop it, murmuring that he’d carry it for him. 

To XiChen’s surprise, Madam Yu lifted both Wei WuXian and the urchin girl into her arms. Neither resisted, the boy’s head lolling against her shoulder. She didn’t even bother looking at FengMian. 

“It seems we’ll have a few new disciples, then,” she said, huffing as though irritated, but it had less impact with two children in her arms. “We’ll see whether a-Ying has good instincts, but we certainly can’t have homeless children in Lotus Pier.”

XiChen had to avert his eyes at the intensity of Sect Leader Jiang’s adoring look toward Madam Yu. He clearly approved of her decision, but the level of ardor in the way he looked at her was too much. 

The locals who had gathered murmured amongst themselves, the words of surprise and admiration carrying. That the Jiangs would see fit to solve the problem of street urchins by adopting them into the sect was almost unheard of—but they had done so with Wei WuXian. Why not the urchins of Lotus Pier?

From what XiChen could hear, it raised the admiration of the people toward Jiang FengMian, and their opinion of Madam Yu, who apparently had up to now had a reputation for being cold. But here she was in the marketplace holding Wei WuXian on one hip and a little girl in tattered clothing on the other. It was softening her image to the people and making them doubt the rumors of an unhappy marriage. 

The street children looked confused, uncertain, and Jiang FengMian addressed them more gently. 

“Would you become disciples of the YunMengJiang sect? You would live at Lotus Cove, receive an education, and fed and housed and clothed. Even if you do not have the talent to become cultivators, you would not be homeless,” he told them. “A-Ying and a-Cheng and other older male disciples would be your shixiongmen, and a-Li and other older female disciples would be your shijiemen. You’d also have shidimen and a-Lian would be your shimei.”

The children seemed to realize they were being offered adoption, of a sort, into a martial family. Into the Jiang clan. There was a cautious sort of hope spreading among them. 

“Really?” the oldest boy asked, his voice almost hollow with awe. “You really want us?”

“Young man, we would not offer if we didn’t,” Madam Yj snorted. “If a-Ying is already teaching you to read and how to circulate your qi, we would be remiss if we didn’t continue your education.”

The children looked at each other, their growing excitement obvious. After a moment the eldest boy bowed deeply, almost a kowtow, and the other children rushed to copy him.

“This one thanks Jiang-zongzhu and Yu-furen for your kindness. We unworthy ones are happy to accept your generous offer.”

“Whether you’re unworthy has yet to be determined,” Madam Yu responded sharply, almost a scold at the boy’s self-effacement. “I expect you’ll prove worthy.”

She handed the little girl to Jiang FengMian, who settled her on his hip, so she could get a better grip on Wei WuXian, who seemed barely awake and unable to hold onto her well. One of her maids stepped forward and gently dabbed at his nosebleed with a cloth.

“I think a-Ying has had quite enough excitement for today,” Madam Yu announced, patting his back gently.

“And we have some new disciples to settle in at Lotus Cove,” Jiang FengMian added with a smile. “Time to go home.”

The sect leader offered his free hand to Jiang WanYin, who tried and failed not to look thrilled at his father’s attention as he took it.

Madam Yu’s maids led the way, the children between them, Madam Yu and Jiang FengMian following with the Jiang children in tow. WangJi stayed close to Madam Yu and Wei WuXian, who seemed to have fallen fully asleep, and XiChen focused on following him. The accompanying disciples followed behind him.

XiChen barely noticed the way more people in the market approached to place items in the baskets the disciples carried as they walked back to Lotus Cove, or the way Maiden Jiang thanked each person by name. He was too busy considering what he had witnessed. 

He was aware that many in the cultivation world doubted that commoners could be taught to cultivate, but the very fact that Wei WuXian, a mere ten-year-old, had taught them the basics enough to ensure they could circulate their qi to keep warm… He wondered if perhaps that was just an attempt to keep a sort of class or caste system. There was no benefit to society to have children starve in the streets, as Wei WuXian had, without hope. 

Ren would seem to dictate the need to better the world through acts of altruism like Wei WuXian had been practicing and which had been demonstrated by Madam Yu and Sect Leader Jiang today. XiChen‘s studies had covered multiple philosophers. Mengzi dictated the need to show compassion to orphans. Mozi, though controversial to the Lan for his rejection of music as frivolous, called for inclusive and universal caring, doing so beyond family boundaries. Laozi saw loving through giving as a necessary virtue. 

XiChen was constantly aware of the duties he would eventually take on as clan leader and the rules within the clan he was expected to uphold, but the events of today had him wondering if perhaps he should start thinking about the role of GusuLan in the larger world. Acts of charity, taking in orphans, working to better the world at large.

These thoughts kept him occupied on the walk back, and he was only broken from them by the look on shufu’s face at the unexpected addition to their party—confusion, but also a sort of thoughtfulness as Sect Leader Jiang briefly explained. 

Perhaps shufu was also having similar thoughts. Maybe XiChen could speak with him about them at some point. 

For now, he followed WangJi as he trailed after Madam Yu toward the infirmary. The voice of Jiang FengMian ordering disciples to help settle in their new peers with baths and clothing and a good meal, organizing the new additions to YunMengJiang, faded behind them. 

When Madam Yu left them in the infirmary, Wei WuXian in the care of Healer Kang, the quiet was welcome. The healer settled the boy in his bed after a brief examination. 

Eventually, XiChen realized WangJi was watching him in concern and offered a smile he knew was weak.

“A little overwhelmed,” he said, and knew WangJi, who so often was overwhelmed by the noise and furor of the world, understood.

WangJi gestured, settling on a cushion near the table in a meditation pose, and XiChen smiled, mirroring him.

He had time to ruminate on the events of the day and how they might inform his future actions. The best course for the moment was to find grounding and calm while they waited for the chaos that had overtaken Lotus Cove to settle. 

#my fanfiction #the untamed #untamed fanfiction #untamed fanfic #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #mdzs fanfic #mdzs fanfiction #chen qing ling #cql #cql fanfic #cql fanfiction #lan xichen #wei wuxian #wei ying #lan zhan #lan wangji #jiang cheng #jiang yanli #jiang fengmian #jiang wanyin #yu ziyuan

[yeleltaan]

Poppy, Violet, Willow, Zinna

BOTANICAL HEADCANONS | not accepting

///Very long answer, so putting it under read more!

poppy :   what comforts your muse ?

Most if not all of Cayin’s stress and concerns are things his human side experiences. Despite the fact that his eldritch nature allows him to see and understand what most cannot, and allows him to observe reality from a higher perspective that encompasses a bigger picture, that half of himself is also very primitive and straightforward in its train of thought. After a long period of infiltration, specially one that actually presents a threat to him, returning to the shadows and resting in the quiet, vast darkness is very soothing for him. And allowing his more contemplative human mind to sleep when he’s feeling somber can be relieving.

The nostalgia, or simply yearning depending on how connected you believe Cayin to be to the man that he was made from, for the joys of grounded life, from the simplest overlooked sensations to his interest in various forms of art (theatre being his favorite) can be the source of melancholic thoughts from time to time. Clinging to these things can lead to lament, “needlessly” as other creatures of the cosmos might claim, but he can also find great joy in them. Having someone close who engages with him in those activities regularly can be a strong source of comfort so long as they continue to do it, as well as developing said bonds, though it comes at the risk that one day that friendship might stand in the way of his job.

It’s also worth noting that at times his mission will lead him to places where his connection to his master is partially severed, requiring him to hide and make preparations in order to communicate with him properly. Needless to say he feels much more comfortable once he’s back in Yig’s area of influence.

violet :   how does your muse respond to betrayal ?

It depends on the intensity of this betrayal and what Cayin was doing at the time it occurred.

Taking advantage of Cayin when he doesn’t have a concrete task , has one but it’s of low importance or has one that involves him pretending to be a fairly ordinary individual will not cause you much trouble. To some degree, being wounded superficially (or more significantly, but in a way that it’s only a small setback for him) or made a fool after someone pretends to be his ally can be beneficial to him as it makes him seem less of a threat, less of an important player in a play. He won’t fall for it again, he’ll be wary and probably won’t display as much kindness towards you, but he most likely won’t be bitter about it and won’t seek any form of retribution.

If you were very close, he will feel disappointed and make sure that you know it. Still he won’t be angry, probably sad but he knows to expect some people like this in life. Diplomacy will still be possible, Cayin is professional about his duties and he will still heed your word. He might, however, be notably less polite and imbue his words with cutting sarcasm. He will speak more plainly about what he doesn’t like about you, about what he considers to be your failures, whenever he disagrees with your judgement. Not gratuitously, not out of nowhere, only if it’s relevant to the conversation, but without sugarcoating it. Forgiveness is still possible however, though it depends on how understandable he finds your betrayal judging by your circumstances at the time. Much more likely if one of his tasks inconvenienced you significantly (not in response to what you did) and you still wanted to restore your friendship, in a bit of a “now we’re more or less even” mentality.

This all pertains to betraying him, on his own, when it doesn’t affect Yig much. But he will not tolerate the same when Yig is involved.

If he’s acting as Yig’s representative, it’s not just disrespecting the messenger. Cayin will demand the respect befitting his master and he will not be nearly as patient or forgiving as he would be if this only involved him. Yig is a Great Old One- and one implied to be a great significance among that group despite his obscurity in written material, as for example the old civilization of K'n-yan venerated him and Cthulhu as the two main gods. Cayin may be humble about his position and often refer himself as little more than an errand boy, but he will make no pretensions of modesty when he represents his master. Wronging Yig is deeply dangerous, he’s mentioned to be more benevolent than most of his kind but he’s also very vindictive, he won’t forget a slight against him and his agent will be the one to ensure that you either compensate him or face punishment.

A similar case applies when Yig’s children are harmed. Reptiles of any kind, many may go unavenged in their great numbers (and hunting out of necessity is less likely to provoke his ire) but if Cayin witnesses it or knows you’ve harmed them he will be angrier than if he were the victim. And once again, if Yig is furious, Cayin will be the one to let you know.

Another important fact to mention: Autumn is the season during which Yig falls into a ravenous hunger and frenzy, and Cayin is also affected by this to a lesser extent. During this time Cayin is most likely at work 24/7, and if he’s not already making his way to settle things with someone that provoked Yig’s anger, he’ll be looking for the next most deserving option. There is no reasoning with him during this time. He will retain some patience if you mean a lot to him or if you are deeply important to Yig, but even then it’s not safe at all.

willow :   how does your muse handle sadness   &   depression ?

Despite what I’ve mentioned in the first question, Cayin isn’t someone who generally feels strong sadness often. If anything, it’s jarring how... emotionally detached he feels from things at times, and sometimes that’s a bigger problem for him than any form of sorrow. Since the moment Yig revealed himself to him he hasn’t felt vulnerable, at least not much. When he feels that way, it’s usually because of self-doubts surrounding his humanity. First threads generally take place at a point in time when he hasn’t had the chance to really mourn someone- he’s had to cut some ties with people he’s felt a connection to and that’s a shame, a bit sad, but he knew that would happen and he carries on with his life. I do think, however, that there will be people he will be very sad to have to let go of, specially if they met in a situation that was very out of the ordinary and that caused Cayin to resonate more strongly with this person. Even worse, if he might have to hurt them.

How he handles it is more or less what’s described in the first question, sometimes it involves retreating into his eldritch life where he won’t think about the things that sadden him, other times he entertains himself with activities or seeks to lift his spirits by meeting a friend that still remains. He might seek to speak with someone about something vaguely relating to what made him so sad without outright mentioning it. He also often goes on walks and goes to places he finds peaceful and pretty, though that doesn’t necessarily help him, it’s just what he feels like doing.

zinnia :   how has the loss of fallen comrades and/or loved ones affected your muse ?   has it taught them anything or given them any new perspectives ?

This is a tricky question: Cayin, since his first conscious moments as a new being, has not experienced great loss. Perhaps one could count the old life he once sought to learn more about, and maybe even go back to, as something he lost but he doesn’t care for it anymore. He’s become very disinterested in whoever that man used to be and anyone who had any connection to him.

He will feel pity and sadness for reptiles he sees suffer, but... the ties of family between Yig and his many children are interesting. They can be somewhat impersonal in a way. Think of a wild animal without much emotional range or depth, that will defend its offspring with its life and show sadness at the loss of them, but not quite deal with the trauma that would suppose for a human being or some of the more intelligent and emotional animals. A part of ruthless nature, how many reptiles are there in the world? How many die in just a few moments, some unnecessarily others as a necessary part of the cycle of life? How deep and personal is the relationship of a being so large, long-lived and busy (though with a very keen eye and capacity to spread his attention) with those countless little animals of varying levels of expressiveness and sentience? Yig’s care for them goes further than what I have described, but it’s still an aspect of it that remains.

In the end, I don’t think he’s learned anything from it yet. But I do think that if he were to develop a very strong bond with someone that could seriously impact his perspective. Regardless of how well he handles it, I think Cayin would be surprised to see just how human he still is, and how much he cares for people deep down.

#silvcrreaper #phew~ don't know how well this reads #maybe I could have made this a little shorter or given it another look to make it better #but honestly I feel like the only way I'm writing much info for headcanons is if I just go along with whatever I'm feeling #I was going to write more stuff in the tags but I forgot asfdfdsgs #might be for the best... or else I might give you another gigantic block of text in the tags! #headcanon

[docfuture]

Princess, part 10

      [This story is a prequel, set several years before The Fall of Doc Future, when Flicker is 16.  Links to some of my other work are here.  Updates were theoretically biweekly–more realistically, I’m going to try to get the next one out by early July.]

Previous: Part 9

      Flicker was going to lose pieces of self.  She could put memory summaries in the Database, but that wasn't enough.  She could only permanently store her emotional context in her squishy human brain, which was offline.  This constricted connections between memory, place, and time.  Her older memories should be intact.  When the isotope exchanges were complete and she could finally restart everything and heal, everything should still be there.  But that didn't help now; anything old that she didn't already have loaded into her speed mind was inaccessible, and any new context would be ephemeral--gone after her next proper sleep.       And that 'should'... wasn't a would.  Itchy spots in her speed mind hinted at losses on the boundary, reflexes and habits needed for her squishy and speed halves to work together that she might have to relearn.  Her speech synchronization problems might return, or her chronic self-interrupting.  Old sensory issues might come back, too.       Those losses might extend to memory access.  Which was a little scary.  Moments perfectly preserved in a box did her no good if she forgot where she put the box.  Perhaps because the original link to the first box was now in a junk box labeled 'Misc' on a shelf somewhere.       But that was life when she wasn't technically alive, with a heart that couldn't beat, lungs that couldn't breathe, and a whole reconstituted flesh body locked down in suspended chemical animation while the isotope exchanger worked.  Force fields helped protect everything else from her still-considerable radioactivity.  She probably wouldn't remember exactly how the half-pain, half-itching from her speed body felt, or how her claustrophobia was combining with sensory deprivation to make everything more unpleasant.  The best she could do was to take notes for the Database, which she could finally talk to again.  Slowly.       Doc had rigged up inductors to transmit visual signals that her speed mind could sense.  They could give her low res video if she slowed down to near human speed, but for anything faster she was limited to text.  She was already used to virtual typing, and there were more inductors to pick that up.  The biggest problem was lag--if she typed too fast, she had to wait and watch characters slowly appear to catch typos.  She was watching slowly updating video stills of Doc as a background while they talked by text.       It was way better than nothing.       "... too many versions of the 'alien invasion' story out," sent Doc.  "It wasn't worth trying to correct them.  The Volunteer kept his press brief honest but short and vague--he mentioned non-hostile non-humans who were injured but would recover, he just didn't say they were whales--and then flew off before anyone could ask him any more questions."       "Okay," sent Flicker.  "Can we go back a bit?  No immediate crisis is good.  But I'm still missing a lot.  It's making my mind itch.  More.  It's itching for other reasons, too, but this you can help fix."       "No problem.  What first?"       "What was the bit with Breakpoint?  He wasn't trying to warn you or me?"       "No.  I got a notification just as you started your final run.  The warning was for Journeyman, he listened, and the danger passed."       "More details, please?  Did you forward the warning?"       "I didn't need to; Journeyman was standing beside him.  That was one of the precautions I arranged before you left, and they were quite willing to help.  Journeyman had his own detection setup coordinated with the Database, and they had the attack triangulated in a fraction of a second.  And then Breakpoint got the danger sense spike, just before Journeyman wanted to port, which delayed them for a second."       "A trap?"       "Possibly.  But I think a potential time loop was more likely."       "Caused by what?"       "I don't know."       "Surely you have a theory?"       "Lots.  Theories are easy, distinguishing them is harder," sent Doc.  "Too many parameters we don't know.  But your trap did confirm the attack was based on some kind of foreknowledge--the timing was far too precise for any other explanation to make sense.  Perhaps Journeyman and Breakpoint would have caught the attacker, triggering a loop.  Or killed it, with the same result.  Or they did get caught in a loop and broke out."       "How would that even work?"       "Several possible ways.  Time loop theories are hard to falsify.  But after it was safe, they ported in and swept the arrival location for clues.  The attacker apparently came from and returned to the Topaz Realm, a common intermediate stop for interdimensional travelers who wish to evade pursuit or tracking.  The two of them declined to pursue further, and returned unhurt, though rather drained from the double port.  Journeyman went to ground quote 'somewhere safe' unquote, and Breakpoint is with Jumping Spider.  I'm sure we'll get additional details later, but the attacker was almost certainly an extradimensional being who portaled in specifically to try to assassinate you, with implications of harm to the entire planet."       "And got away.  Whee."       "An overt repeat attempt seems unlikely.  This was a clear worldwide threat, in a way Hermes was not, and now there is a specific event to track from.  The compatible world probability background has shifted by quite a bit.  There are a wide variety of entities with extraordinary perceptions and abilities that are now aware of the attacker and united in the desire for Earth to keep existing, if little else.  The Database has been getting messages from all over the world.  Hideki told me he already had to gently dissuade a group of young Japanese superhumans from charging off on an interdimensional mission of vengeance.  They vividly recall your help during the quake, and feel inclined to track down whoever tried to kill you given the slightest opportunity.  I was also asked to convey their wishes for your speedy recovery."       "That's..."       Some emotional thing.  But Flicker didn't have a working human brain to feel it, and her emulator wasn't up to the task.       "...nice."       She sent a note to the Database to relay a socially safe thank you.  Her mind still itched.       "Okay," she sent.  "Thanks for the summary.  Now... I have a problem.  Your UI works--I can talk to you and the Database.  And if the exchanger were going to be done in a couple of hours, that would be enough.  But it's going to take longer.  I can tolerate the physical part--but I'm not so sure about the psychological.  Sensory dep, and I have to keep shifting what I'm doing to maintain concentration.  I've been recording the more organized parts of my raw impressions and alerts into the Database.  But it's as tedious as hand-typing an endless stream of hex codes.  That's making my attention wander.  I've lost my spot a couple of times already and had to pattern match to find it again.  I hate to complain, but is there anything better you can manage?"       A pause, and the background picture updated to show Doc with his hands clasped in front of his face, looking somber.  Then he started typing again.       "I've been fabbing something that may help.  I'll let you know when it's ready."       The rhythm of the isotope exchanger changed slightly, the ion beams stopped, and the discomfort eased a little.  A message from the Database appeared:       "First pass complete, left leg."       "Well," sent Doc.  "Ready to start lowering the tritium load in the bone marrow of your other leg?"       "Yes.  But it doesn't really matter," she sent back.  "It's the next thing.  We need to get as much as we can done while I keep my chemistry clamped down or I don't get a livable body back."       "Yes.  We may be able to speed up later.  But at least it's working."       "Yeah..."       *****       Tedious hours passed.  Then there was a pause and shift, while radiation-hardened robots installed a new set of inductors for her head, along with an elaborate set of shielding, wiring and cooling pipes.  Flicker took an all too brief run around Doc's test range.  Even though she was still blind and deaf, the flow of air and the sudden bright crispness of her mass sense made it a welcome break.  But she made a little of that air radioactive--she was still giving off too many neutrons--so it would have been indulgence to stay outside the force fields for more than a millisecond or two.       Then tests and adjustments.  Fiddly and annoying, but Doc was determined not to set off an immune reaction from Flicker's high speed nervous system, and DASI concurred with the need for caution.       Another shift... And a world turned on.       A better interface, through a virtual body representation.  Audio, distorted but functional.  Video.  And faster text and data when Flicker sped up.  The grinding background of confinement, restlessness and inability to fully relax was still there.  As was the discomfort from the isotope exchanger.  But her sensory deprivation was greatly reduced.  It worked.       There was one rather jarring issue.       "I feel this sense of cosmic dread," she said.  "Like I'm on the edge of a precipice to dimensions I can't even see, and might at any moment slip and lose my connection to sanity, or drag anything and everything I care about into the abyss."       "Good," said Doc.  "Sounds like your alarm systems are appropriately compatible."  The wide video window showing his image floated in front of her.  The darkness around the edges was still flecked with the writhing static of closed-eye hallucinations, but they were less intrusive.       "Good?  It's not exactly--"  She blinked and suddenly everything was gone, then the old interface returned--text and a fixed picture.  And the static everywhere else.  She sped up.       "DASI?" she sent.  "What happened?"       "You blinked for too long, and the interface interpreted it as a user shutdown request.  I can adjust that, but the safety shutdown thresholds are necessarily quite stringent.  One moment."       Another blink and Doc was back, eyebrow raised.  Half a second had passed.       "--fun," she finished.       "Fun was not a design goal," said Doc.  "This is a high performance multi-sense cybernetic interface.  It's not remotely safe.  The basic sensory relays I started you with were already as high-bandwidth as I could manage safely.  But they weren't enough.  I don't know how to make a full cybernetic interface that's comfortable but not psychologically addictive.  I keep the controller in the vaults for a reason.  I fabbed spare inductors.  They'll probably break frequently.  And shut down for other reasons.  Don't get attached to the interface.  I wouldn't even consider using it if your biological brain was functional.  I put together a list of other ways it's dangerous.  It's just not as dangerous as risking sensory deprivation for what might be days."       "Okay.  But if you think the alarm system for my high speed mind is compatible with a cybernetic interface... Don't I already have one?"       Doc looked down, then back up.  "Possibly.  But you'll want to be careful how you conceptualize that.  Because right now, if your body has a cybernetic interface, you might be that interface.  So it's not a good time to shift your self image."       "Yeah, yeah, because my flesh body is dead," said Flicker.  "I get it.  My internal conceptualization has been pretty consistent.  Messed up, but consistent.  It's like a meat demon with a little metal bug on the forehead.  High speed mind is the bug.  And only the demon is dead.  The bug is mostly worried about staying sane and connected.  And I've got the connected part now, but sane requires something to do.  I can't move while the exchanger is working, can't put things in long-term memory, and my emotion emulation is bad, so my options are limited."       Doc put a hand on his chin and looked back at her image in the video window.  "Could definitely be worse.  You'll want to test the interface at speed.  DASI will keep monitoring.  Perhaps we can tune down the doom response a bit.  And Armadillo will be here in a little while.  She's rather better at cheering people up than I am.  I'm sure she'll be happy to talk about whatever you want."       "Might help a little.  But I'm not sure talking will be enough.  Sec."       Flicker sped up.  The interface speed lagged noticeably and the temperature of the inductors rose.  The temperature in her brain would have gone up too, if she hadn't already been entropy dumping to get rid of the heat from radioactive decay and the isotope exchanger.  She skimmed the hazard list.  Doc hadn't been exaggerating.  And the full interface would not be able to keep up with her mind if she sped up all the way.  The problem was cooling, which was the usual problem that stopped Doc after he'd solved everything else.       So.  Use restraint.  Don't push it all the way to the limit, and it would break less frequently.  She adjusted some preferences with DASI's help, so the interface would gradually degrade to monochrome text and virtual typing input at higher speeds.  That would give her fast responsiveness as well as the increased sensory feedback she needed when she slowed back down.  A few tests verified it worked.       At DASI's suggestion, she tried taking notes at speed with the better interface as a direct substitute for long term memory.  A slower and more structured version of the memory dumps she did before sleeping when her memory was overleveraged and she couldn't stuff everything into squishy brain in time.  With the memory dumps, she could put keys into her squishy brain to connect by reference--but not with everything locked down.       More tests.  The notes were accurate on rereading, though seemed kind of passive-aggressively gloomy.  Upon reflection, she decided that was accurate as well.       What to do?  The data from Speedtest was recorded.  Talking was... talk.  Little point in reading or trying to learn.  Introspection could become a problem fast--her mood was already pretty dark.  But she couldn't get renewal from physical rest, so she was going to slowly go squirrelly from lack of sleep and contact with squishy brain.  And she already felt the kind of frustrated dissatisfaction that she usually handled by going on patrol.  Then she might still end up frustrated, but at least she'd saved lives.  Now she couldn't even do that.       She wasn't helpless.  She still had a net connection, her database node, and assorted bots, both physical and virtual.  But what was safe to try?  She slowed back down.       "Interface works," she said.  "But the doom abyss is getting old real fast."       Doc was studying his own display intently.  He tapped out something on his keyboard then looked up.  "How's that?"       The tension eased somewhat.  "Better," she said.  "Less cosmic dread, more dangerous machinery in operation alert.  I can live with that.  But I could really use something to do."       He shook his head ruefully.  "I understand.  Sometimes the hardest thing to do is nothing.  But you have a very good chance of surviving your bit of existential roulette if you can manage to keep yourself together and stationary long enough for the exchanger to do its work."       She frowned.  "Is that what you call the kind of trap I set?  I thought you said we're safe now."       "No, I said further direct attacks were unlikely.  Whether that's because they wouldn't succeed or aren't necessary is still open.  We can't be reasonably certain until the next time you sleep, then wake up functional and something approximating sane."       "That's disturbing."       "Yes.  But what's done is done."       "So you don't think trying it was a good idea?"       "I'm reserving judgement.  And if you were going to try, the Moon was a better place than Earth.  You minimized direct collateral damage.  However..."  A crooked grin.  "Now probably isn't the best time for critical analysis.  Survival and data recording were the right priorities once you made it back.  We can hash out details later."       "Yeah, but it does give me something to focus on, which I need.  I think that finally getting to go fast was so wonderful, so freeing, that I got overconfident."       Doc studied her image for a moment.  "Based on my preliminary analysis of the Database summaries, I think you may be underestimating another effect.  I can explain, if you think it will help."       "Well, yeah."       "When you left the earth's atmosphere, you were hit with mental changes and a flood of alarms and activations on top of your acrophobia.  Which you coped with very well.  I think your caution, careful safety compartmentalization, and lockdown checking were absolutely correct and optimal reactions.  Having a previously unknown part of your mind wake up and suggest you mess with Planck's constant locally?  That would have terrified me.  But you handled it."       Doc waved a hand.  "That was a way more drastic reaction than I expected, and means I need to rework a lot of my theories.  Anyway, you took care of everything, and landed safely.  You jumped to the Moon.  Your landing message sounded like you were euphoric."       "I was."       "And your fear went away.  You had mass again, the alarms stopped, and you were finally getting to run Speedtest.  Of course you were feeling great.  And I made a mistake.  Before you started your final run, I suggested you go as fast as you felt safe.  I didn't include a stronger warning because I didn't want to interfere with your joy.  But I knew.  I know that feeling, it's Now I Am Invincible, it's incredibly dangerous for a superhero, and I knew the way you usually keep it in check is your care for all the people and other living things on Earth, and there was nothing living on the Moon except you."       He looked down.  "I should have warned you.  I didn't.  I'm sorry."       "Doc, no," said Flicker.  "I'd have done it anyway.  Nobody died.  I got the data.  And whoever or whatever that was, we needed to know about them, and now we do.  I'm going to keep going."       She bared her teeth.  "Even when I can't move for a while."       Doc kept looking down for a moment, then wiped his eyes and looked back up.  "Yeah.  On that note, it's time to move the exchanger focus again, and Armadillo is here.  Shall I invite her in?"       "Sure.  And thank you for--"  She waved the hand of her virtual body.  "This, and the list of reasons why it's dangerous.  Both.  They both help."       The crooked smile was back.  "I do what I can manage."

Next:  Part 11

#FallofDocFuture #FallMisc

[modestlyabsurd]

Humble Beginnings (Loki x Reader)

Being taller than most, it's a different view. Physically looking down at people varies a bit from doing so in a smug manner. Especially when the mind is now absorbing things in a new way; or at least, it's attempting to.

The people all look different from each other, and yet similar at the same time. Suppose that could be just because it's only an assessment from a few seconds observation of each individual. The loud, overestimulating environment doesn't help either. The propogandic billboards, buses with advertisements obnoxiously splattered across them, and speaking of obnoxious.

These humans and their phones.

It's clear, some of the differences. No skin tone is exactly the same. Hair tends to vary nearly as much, ranging from long to short to naught, from straight to curly, in any color imaginable. Part lines in scalps are fascinating. The curvature of noses is also quite interesting from such a perspective. But one thing seems to remain the same, and that is the amount of hands holding cellphones.

It's unnerving.

To think that the idea of being ruled was so outlandish, all whilst they are unknowingly being ruled already - by something far less benevolent than me.

His thoughts go to that dark place for a split second. He spares himself a smirk, before remembering. That was wrong of him.

He regrets it. And not just because "that's what the doctor said", but genuinely. If Loki could go back in time and pull some strings, he would undo many of his actions. But the doctor also reminds him regularly that he was not himself at that time. That he was mind controlled, which bothers him even more. How weak he must have been to have fallen under such influence.

But that is in the past, and cannot be changed. However he has control over himself now; he can change the present as well as the future.

As much as he damn well hates to admit it, the therapy is working.

Assigned by Stark himself, Loki's therapist has now given him more freedoms on Earth - at the cost of his progress, of course. Apparently he's been doing exceptionally well, since he's now allowed to walk and roam the streets of New York City unsupervised.

(For two hours a day, in a nine block radius, with all six Avengers ready if he were to pull anything suspicious.)

So far he's gone and snuck in to see a film in the movie theater once - a strange animation revolving around talking fish who are prone to misplacing one another - he's browsed the two bookstores within the radius, conjured roses and left them for street performers playing their music, and spent a great deal of time in a particular coffee shop.

... It's been nicer than he thought it would be.

Even now, as men and women who are on important phone calls or simply aren't paying attention carelessly collide into him, he's enjoying himself. The weather is beginning to chill more and more each day, and on this young evening the sky is a cloudy silver. He's been hoping for a storm.

His feet are carrying him down a certain sidewalk. Confident, secure steps. He fiddles with the pocket watch in his warm, faux leather jacket pocket. Embossed in the cover is the letter S, for Stark Industries. Embedded in the gears is a tracking device. Understandable, he admits, running his thumb over the watch. He knows himself better than anyone. Which isn't saying much.

Attaining that elusive balance is the most difficult for Loki. The balance within only him, of self-trust, and the lack of such. Most beings have moral compasses which guide them in the right direction through life. Loki's decided that he has a moral pendulum that swings wherever the wind blows it. A weakness, without question, that will be his downfall one day.

"Unless you become the wind."

He'd argued that with the doctor. Things never go exactly as you plan them. Life's wind tends to blow a bit harder.

"Then you become a rock, a boulder, a shield to your pendulum. Unmovable against the wind."

Easier said than done. But doable nonetheless, he supposed.

His ever-descending thoughts are interrupted by the rich, seductive smell of coffee. He can suddenly feel his heart beating as he sees the caramel brown walls through large storefront windows. The view gets larger and he sees the charming wall artwork of a cappuccino with intricate designs in the cream. He thumbs the pocket watch.

A customer hurries through the door, a warm drink in hand, leaving the coffee shop empty. He clicks the silver watch open. 7:42. It's nearing closing time for the shop.

Hidden behind the neon "open" sign, he steps along the sidewalk, peering in from the darkening cold outside. And there you are.

His heart races - it practically soars.

Wiping down the countertops and tabletops, erasing the daily specials from the chalkboards, sweeping strands of hair out of your face along the way. Focused. Hard-working ... yet elegant. Beautiful.

You're headed toward the back of the shop and when Loki loses sight of you, he swallows down his nerves and strides in.

The charming little entrance bell resurfaces his unexplainable anxiety. It was loud and it got your attention. He had to think fast. But no matter - he had a plan of action ready long before, thanks to a close connection. A friend, perhaps.

Loki's jaw drops briefly as you reappear behind the sales counter, but he smoothly recovers with a Cheshire smile, "Hello Y/N."

You're re-tying the brown apron around your waist when his voice suddenly catches you very off guard. "Hi," you all but sputter.

Oh goodness, you scold yourself. If only you could somehow prepare for Loki's visits in advance. He drops in at the most inconvenient times as far as your appearance goes - you'd like to not have flour all over you, coffee stains on your clothes, and maybe do something more with your hair. But with Loki ... you'll take whatever you can get. Especially since you can't seem to form a complete sentence when he's around anyway.

He has eyes that could take you on an infinite trip throughout the entire universe. And he tends to keep steady eye contact. It's intense. It makes you physically squirm.

Much like now, when you suddenly notice how nice he looks tonight. You wished there was somewhere to divert your attention such as other customers, but it's almost eight. No one wants coffee at this time.

Except for Loki, who has his full attention on you. A dark pink dusting his smiling cheeks.

"What're you doing here?" you found a voice. "It's getting late."

You begin clearing out what's left of the muffins and cookies from the display case directly beside the sales counter, pulling each one out and placing them in a container. Loki watches your movements as well as your face, desperate for a longer look into your eyes.

"Well," he chuckles nervously, "I was just heading back from seeing another film in the cinema - I can't remember the title at the moment ... Something about a lowly peasant who discovers a strange genie and together they must save a princess and her kingdom, while the peasant subsequently wins the princess's heart in the process."

You suppress a smile. "Aladdin?"

"Yes! That's it. I quite enjoyed it, really. Although the genie and his, eh ... sense of humor took a bit of time to tolerate. I think having someone accompanying me to interpret it would've perhaps made it easier."

You've yet to stop cleaning since he came in. This is harder than he expected.

Collecting himself, he steadily asks, "Is the kitchen still open for service?"

You glance at the clock on the wall, with a quintessential coffee cup in the middle of it. "For the next fifteen minutes, yes. What can I get for you?"

Before he can get a still glimpse of you for more than a second, you're heading for the kitchen. The sound of running water indicates that you're washing your hands.

Left to himself, he speaks over the sound toward the kitchen, "Would a couple of cookies and a hot chocolate be too much?"

"Absolutely not," you bubbled back.

A familiar song plays softly throughout the coffee shop as Loki notices. He's heard it before, the man singing with poetic but very, very Midgardian lyrics, accompanied by almost lullaby-like music. And then he hears another voice singing the words - only it's not reverberating through the speakers but humming gently from your mouth.

Loki finds himself watching you once again. You pour thick, steaming hot chocolate into a cup with careful hands, while singing this lovely tune playing. He's mesmerized. Confused, definitely, as to why he's so mesmerized. And why he's been mesmerized ever since he first saw you and learned your name. Why he cares so much about you, why he longs to see you when he's not around. Even if only in small-talking, short lived increments.

"Must be something in the drinks."

"Hm?" you stop singing suddenly.

Loki nearly implodes. Thankfully he's a quick thinker.

"I was just trying to remember - what is this song that's playing?"

"It's called Scar Tissue by The Red Hot Chili Peppers."

He'll remember that.

"Ah. Thank you, I - " he laughs, "the names of certain things have been eluding me as of late. For a moment I thought it could be something in these drinks of yours."

You grin. You grin!

Loki's mouth goes dry. He takes a sip of his hot chocolate after you set it on the counter for him, unable to look away from you.

The taste of chocolate coats his mouth, the smell fills his nose. You glance up at him with that grin - for a split second - before turning away. Gods, he thinks. How beautiful you are.

"It's probably just the time change," he changes the subject. Fills the silence. "I've read that the changing of the seasons can largely affect many aspects of one's everyday life. Like their sleeping patterns, their cravings, their memory. I've read that some can even react to the change in temperature, as well, did you know that?"

You shake your head, wrapping the last two chocolate chip cookies of the night in some wax paper and placing it on the counter.

"Y'know, the nights seem to have gotten darker as well. I could walk you home if you'd like."

You pause involuntarily. How can the mere idea of something make your heart skip ten beats? Shouldn't that kill you?

"No," you declined, "that's okay. I appreciate it."

"Yeah. Anytime."

Loki's watch vibrates in his pocket. He reaches for it, discreetly disabling the alarm that told him it was eight o'clock. Exactly two hours since he left the compound, giving him exactly ten minutes to arrive back before a small army tracks and descends upon him.

A deflated balloon comes to mind.

"Well," he replaces his watch, "at least be sure that you use precaution out there. It's cold, and dark, and the perfect time for monsters to be out."

You nod. A piece of hair falls into your face and Loki has the strong urge to brush it behind your ear. So strong that his fingers twitch.

He picks up his cookie and hot chocolate to fix the problem when he remembers a key part of the transaction - the actual transaction. "Oh! I need to purchase this - "

"Don't worry about it. It's on the house."

He freezes mid-search for some money in his pocket. You're looking him straight in the eye with pure ... purity. He takes you in, drinks you up. Your voice, the apples of your cheeks, your smallness compared to him. Tingles spread throughout his chest and he learns that that is one of the most pleasant sensations he's ever felt.

"That's very kind. In that case ... " he pushes one of the untouched cookies still on the counter toward you.

You look down at his thin, pale hand.

"For you."

A premature scolding lodges in your throat as he's heading out the door. But before he exits into the autumn cold, he turns on his heel and smiles at you. "Goodnight, Y/N."

"Goodnight, Loki."

~

tag list: @arttasticgreatnessoftheawesome77 @afinedilemma @fire-in-her-veinz @belladonnabarnes @drakesfiance @internetgremlin @dragon-chica @triggeredpossum

#loki x reader #loki imagine #loki fanfic #loki fluff #loki odinson #loki laufeyson #loki #tom hiddleston #thor #thor odinson #thor ragnarok #the avengers #avengers x reader #avengers imagine #marvel #marvel x reader #marvel imagine #mcu #modestlyabsurd #hidden references #i repeat

[ahmed120893]

1)

ID: 120893

Course Name : Issues in mass communication SPRING2020

Course code : Mass2620

Date: May 31,2020

Assignment 2

: Introduction

Media issues are one of the most important subjects to be studied by students who learn and practice media life on a daily basis. This course teaches us in detail how to discuss and analyze media issues that cause a stir in the media field. What I thought in this course would be an analysis of the issues but there were many other things that we knew thanks to this course such as the issues surrounding us and the difficulties and challenges facing the world and how the media was old and how it changed to this day and more importantly the development of our skills in writing in English.

2)

The submitted material:

In the beginning I learned about the critical thinking and its meaning and how I can develop it in my study life .Then I moved to understand the media and how I think about the questions and answer them in ways that are different from the usual methods. In addition, the factor of transformation and social changes since it has been playing a role in the change of the media from the old to the modern and from modern to postmodern. Combating disinformation aims to make students who study media feel more confident in the release of the correct information and not to believe any news easily until it is confirmed. Moreover, the Media Literacy has helped me to find out the news and how to start asking about its sources. The other one is to discuss how media can effect on us and what theories used on that and what the expiation of those theories. Furthermore, I learned how media has been changed from the past. Also, the labeling theory tells me how names can be a reason to make people feel paranoid and scared, but on the other hand they are useful, but you have to choose the right names, and here's the role of editors and media officials. Social media is believed by many people and they don't care what the official authorities say about The Corona Virus, for example, so it was good for the government to take these platforms to spread what is said about the virus. Visual novels, such as comic books and animations, are becoming increasingly popular as a tool for teaching science and communication

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Combining the benefits of visualization with powerful metaphors and character-driven narratives. Comedy has the potential to make scientific subjects easier and enjoyable for a wider range of audience and this is followed in the publication of The Corona Virus to raise the public awareness. Which is most important is that media rights are under pressure of the obstruction of freedom of expression and the freedom to access information. Media regulations have become together and journalists who are not in line with mainstream elite. Good media needs sound financing - The economic sustainability of media outlets continues to be a major challenge.

All these topics were connected together from how I will think until I can move to solve the problem and what I will face in media life.

Every week in this semester we've been given a topic to talk about and analyze. They seemed different when you look at them for the first time, but in the end, I found that all the topics are connected to each other .The first topic was about disinformation, we can say that disinformation is a revolution in propaganda and is one of the ways in which we live today. It can be said that disinformation is false or deceptive method which is used for wars, politics and many other areas. As time passes, technology evolving shows many ways to practice misinformation and spread its purpose which is to distract attention and not to share facts at all.

The second topic is the use of cognitive strategies in the media. Cognitive strategies are important in our lives as students and it can be said that all current functions use

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these strategies because they open our eyes to what we are facing in our daily and professional lives. We have learned a lot of new strategies which depend on understanding learning and predicting what will happen .The third topic is the link between World War I, World War II, cold war, and the invasion of the American coalition in Iraq and how communication was in World War I. Although the radio existed before the beginning of World War I the British leaders used different means to convey news among them. They used birds and trained clostrids to act as their correspondents that was because they outperformed humans in speed, the enemy did not infect them. In World War II, radios were used because of their development, but not as expected. There were several factors that affected this. The most important of which was the poor signal. But propaganda has had a positive impact in getting people to fight the enemy and defeat the country in the war. In the Cold War, communication was the main weapon, relying on technology such as radio and computers to raise threats in the media .Finally, communication during the American coalition invasion of Iraq , The allies against Iraq used the propaganda campaigns to communicate with the Iraqi people to convince them to abandon Saddam . The forth topic is how media outside Oman presents race, gender,(Male,Famale,3rde ) and class. In this topic I found that foreign countries are fighting racism too much. On the other hand, in the Arab countries we do not hear such issues because there can be more awareness of this subject. As for the third sex, it exists in all countries, but in the Arab world it is not mentioned publicly unlike foreign countries. Moreover, the perspective of self and narcissism , I found that celebrities are the most likely people to be cheating in their lives to always feel that they have everything but in fact most of them do not have any of what they show. In addition, the Hate speech is one of the

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worst ways to destroy a person as it is used to devalue celebrities. Furthermore, the role of media in health education can change a people's ideas and adjust their behavior like what we have encountered regarding The Corona Virus and how the media has been educating people to wear cams and gloves and not to go out except for the utmost necessity .Also , the comics in the time of coved-19 has made people love the drawings that they see and believe, whether in a funny way or vice versa. And it is also useful for people who can't read because they follow the current situation with this crisis .In addition , The two hypotheses, After researching these two theories, I found that people only need to know all the important things, but that there is no more important things than power and judgments that concern the state. The last topic is that the perspectives of media ethics challenges. With the development of life, conflicts that occur between countries and the change of media contacts, you can notice that the media work has ethics to know such as honesty, not spreading rumors about other countries and telling the truth are some of the most important qualities that the world must know in order not to have permanent conflicts between countries.

The analyzing:

As I mentioned before, all the topics were connected to each other. Starting from the first topic until the end it can be clearly seen that each topic is connect and related to each other. Starting with (disinformation and cognitive strategies )and ( communication in wars). The disinformation strategies is used in wars. However, if we have the techniques of cognitive strategies we will know how people think if they want to change their opinions and thoughts against something. Next, (race and

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genders ),( self and narcissism) and ( hate speech ). Hate speech is one of the most important reasons of discrimination in race and gender between people. Also, it divides people into two types . One of them is self love and others are narcissism. We need to stop the hate speech and spread tolerance values instead. Third, ( media role in health education) and (comics ). Nowadays, the comics techniques has become an effective, attractive way of giving advice among the society and increase health education. Forth, ( hypotheses ) and( ethic challenges). Ethics prevent media from telling lies to the audience. However, media should publish the correct articles that suit the needs of the society .

Conclusion:

In the end, this course taught me how to look at topics and news in a different way, and not to believe everything I hear until I obviously know the perfect truth. It also taught me different ways to search for information and discover facts and write them in English.

#RTVSQU#Spring20#Mass2620_20

[whipplefilter]

How do you think A/C and heat in the Cars cars work? Like, this mighttt be opening a whole can of worms about "what's the inside of cars look like"... XD but I'm curious if you think they would have it/is there any use at all, since they're not toting around passengers/people in there? Hm. Unless they're busses...

Aaah, this is such a great ask! Please forgive the epic tl;dr… 

Heating and cooling systems in cars are one of the things I find most mind-bending, but also the most interesting. I feel like A/C and heat in the Carsverse would have to work different, because as you point out they shouldn’t ever actually have… passengers… inside who would benefit from these systems in the same way that we as humans driving cars do. XD

But! The cabin heating and cooling systems are intimately connected to the heating and cooling for the car itself, in particular the engine/engine fluids. So I think that if we think about these systems with our focus on the car side of things, rather than the passenger side, we can arrive at an interesting headcanon for A/C and heat in the Carsverse.

First things first. I think:

Carsverse cars have a different relationship to temperature than we do. 

Because, well, they’re cars. We have a giant organ called skin that helps us feel the feels. Cars don’t—and it doesn’t seem like superficial scratches, etc. really hurt them, so I don’t think their metal functions in the same way as our skin.

When a car sits out in the cold, it’s not the temperature of the doors and whatnot that matter, but the temperature of the engine and its fluids.

So if a car exclaims, “Man, it’s soooo hot!” they’re probably not as concerned about their body panels’ temperatures. It’s their engine they’re thinking about. Correspondingly, if a car feels really cold, it’s because their engine’s not warmed up. (Why would Sally own earmuffs if earmuffs wouldn’t do anything to keep her engine warm? …Fashion…)

Second, I think:

Carsverse cars have a different relationship to their HVAC system than we do. 

Most people probably operate their cabin A/C and heat with attention to how they feel inside the cabin. Since cars are tools for the benefit of the humans inside, this makes sense. But even in our world, these cabin HVAC controls have an effect on and are related to the engine temperature of the car.

Here are some examples:

Have you ever not had the heat/fans on in your car, but had the temp slider in the middle of the temp range and still felt warm air coming through the vents? That’s because the heat used to warm the cabin is actually generated by the engine. A car’s heating system recycles the heat generated by the engine to warm the cabin. So if it’s summer, slide that temp slider all the way to cool even if you don’t have your fans on! That will keep that hot air from blowing in as you drive/force air through your car.

This is generally an “old car” thing, but sometimes if you’re driving in excessively hot weather, particularly going up mountains, with the A/C on, all of these things increase load on the engine. This increases the work the engine has to do, which increases the heat it generates. This can cause your engine to begin to overheat. So sometimes in these circumstances you need to not only turn the A/C off, but also run the heat (yes, when it’s super hot outside) so that your car’s HVAC dumps that heat into the cabin, away from the engine, and your car doesn’t overheat.

If it’s super cold and you turn your heat on in your car but it runs cold for a while, that’s because your car is saving that heat for the engine first. Your car has a part in it called a “thermostat”—sort of like the thermostats in buildings—that regulates engine temp. When the engine is still getting up to operating temperature, the thermostat keeps all the heat near the engine, prioritizing engine temp. Once the engine is warm enough, the thermostat releases that heat into the cabin, and your vents start blowing hot.

From these examples, you’ve probably gleaned that our car’s relationship to its HVAC system is roughly inverse to our relationship to it. That is, running the cabin A/C increases load on the engine and makes it run “hotter”. Running the cabin heat forces heat away from the engine and into the cabin, making the engine “colder.” (I put these words in quotations because the car will generally operate to make the engine run within its optimal range regardless of what you do with your HVAC—it’s just might take longer, be less effective, or redirect power from other things. For instance, running the A/C puts load [heat] on the engine, which takes away from the power [for our example, the additional amount of energy/heat the car will produce].)

What does this mean for the Carsverse?

The system we as humans call A/C is probably what they’d think of as their heating system, and the system we call heat is probably what they think of as their A/C! Think of it as the control labels being switched.

If a car in the Carsverse was driving through the Mojave uphill and felt their engine heating up, they might “switch on the ‘A/C’ to cool down.” (That is, we’d call it turning on the heat, but they’d call it cooling down.)

As far as our A/C being their “heater,” it probably wouldn’t make sense for them to make use of this system or think about it much at all, because “not having the A/C on” is already their default. Our A/C systems also involve chemicals and processes of condensation/evaporation, but that gets very complicated and I’m not certain Carsverse cars would have this level of A/C in them so we’ll ignore that for this post.

Overheating/inefficient heat dissipation is typically worse for a car than being too chilly (though if your oil’s not up to temp and you try to overexert your engine without proper lubrication that’s bad news, too), so when they’re thinking about HVAC that’s probably their main concern.

However, normal cars are rarely called upon to exercise their absolute limit, and therefore wouldn’t usually notice minor drop-offs in performance because they don’t go about their day using that performance anyway–unless they were going uphill, hauling something, or didn’t have much of an engine to begin with.

Normal turbocharged cars might notice a lot, because if it’s really really hot the temps would begin to affect the efficiency of the intercooler—so instead of feeling good and like they were at full power, they’d probably feel sad and sick.Rather… they’d feel naturally aspirated, rather than turbocharged. So if it were hot a turbo car might whine about feeling sluggish and sick, but really they’d just feel like they were NA. And all the NA cars would just be like lol, this is my life as a peasant—welcome to town, you babies. XDDD

What about racecars?

Racecars don’t have A/C in the same way normal cars do, so Lightning et al might not have any of these things. I doubt they’d notice they were missing, though, because racer engines and related components are already built with much higher heat tolerances in mind, and with much quicker intervals of replacement.

Racecars are built to take the heat, but they’re also built with the understanding that all those heat-sensitive engine parts are getting stripped down and re-tooled, if not outright replaced after every race, so heat damage to engine components only matters up to the finish line, rather than the lifetime of the car.

If a wild heatwave were to come through Radiator Springs, Lightning probably wouldn’t mind too much because *car shrug*

Racecars don’t need A/C, because the track is always hot.

#pixar cars #cars fandom #cars headcanon #pixar science #tl;dr #dodgecalibers #asks

[thedyingmoon]

💜 This I Promise 💜

***

XXXIX. Mistake

***

For the past month, (F/N) never failed to visit Elvis. She never failed to do so despite her very hectic schedule as Nile Dawk's assistant in the Military Police and as a Winter Season debutante with dance and etiquette lessons.

Somehow, something in this particular man eased her sometimes stormy mood and tensed emotions, with all the things and events that were happening around her. It somehow felt that within those cold, steel blue eyes lay a very thoughtful and kind person who could understand everything about her.

Sometimes, Ivanna would tag along with her, with the goal of having those heavenly sweets that Elvis could miraculously bake. All afternoon, they talked about a wide range of topics, from tea to politics, and sometimes from noisy neighbors to even shit.

It's shit, yes, but, in truth, something unexplainable had blossomed between the two.

On the third week of her visit, she found herself being shy around him, especially when he looked at her, or slightly smirked at her, since the man never really know the definition of a free - spirited and unadulterated smile. It's as if something was holding him back to crack one just for the sake of conveying a happy emotion.

Ivanna may not have noticed due to her cookie - eating sessions, but if she only had the time to put down the treat, she would definitely notice that her cousin would often blush whenever the man made a crude toilet joke that girls her age would never understand or even appreciate. She would notice that her eyesight never left his lean form and that she would realize that her (E/C) - colored eyes followed the man wherever he went. She would see that she was very attentive to everything he said to her, and she would see that whenever it's time to go home, her cousin would look so glum and depressed upon leaving the mansion, and that she would look as though she wanted to stay a bit longer with the man who bakes amazing cookies.

The little girl may not be entirely at fault for never noticing such things, for (F/N) had such ones, herself. If only she was not nervous or giddy around the engaged man, she would notice that he was also always looking at her. She would notice that those crude and rude comments regarding everyday life and the lazy nobles were made and uttered for the sake of impressing her, seeing that he never really had the talent to shower women with words as sweet as honey, or with phrases as romantic as poetry. If she was not busy preventing Ivanna from running around the room, she would notice that the man would stutter a lot in the first few minutes of their conversation. She would notice that he would stumble upon the simplest of words such as we, have, morning, and how are you. If she was not trying to suppress her happiness upon seeing the man, she would notice that he was really nervous around her most of the time, and yet excited upon seeing her at the same time. She would definitely notice that the man would sometimes brush his rough fingers upon her delicate skin whenever he had the chance to do so, like when he was giving her a cup of warm black tea or just handing her the basket filled with treats. She would realize that he becomes sad upon seeing her leave each visit. It's as if he wanted her stay longer.

And the cycle between the two didn't just pass unnoticed.

Rosemarie, Marie's eldest child, definitely noticed the change in (F/N)'s features since meeting Shunerman. Her skin developed somewhat of a glow compared to how it looked like since those almost two months when she first met her. She noticed that whenever she and Ivanna would visit their neighbor, she would smile broadly. And when she asked her regarding the change of mood, she just blushed and said something else to divert her attention.

Even moody Jonas noticed this. Despite facing his own problematic world each and every passing day, he noticed that (F/N) bullied him less, she annoyed him less, and challenged him less. She even let him win in one of their fencing sessions. Worse of all, she let him win in horseback riding one particular and lazy afternoon. Rosemarie noticed Jonas' confusion regarding the girl and offered him her own analysis.

Marie may be open to a lot of things regarding her and the things around her, but she chose not to share the things and changes she noticed on the girl, especially to her own husband, Nile, since Erwin and him have a deep connection that went on since Cadet Training years. She knew full well what Erwin was planning for the girl, so she chose to remain quiet about it. For what reason? She couldn't really explain.

Nile may not show it, but he definitely noticed the frequency of her visits to Shunerman. At first, he just assumed that it was Ivanna who wanted to visit the man, since he was aware of the man's talent for cooking things, and his youngest daughter's voracious appetite for sweet things. But, as days go by, he noticed that (F/N) would get shy whenever Elvis' name comes up in conversations during meal times. She would just nod and excuse herself later, saying that she had to prepare something. To this, Nile just scratched his head, and decided whether to tell Erwin this or not.

If there is one person in the world who is happy with the results and changes, it would be Delilah Smith. She noticed that the girl became even more eager to learn the basics of being a proper young lady. She mastered five types of social dances in just less than a week, and she never came in late. In fact, she was often thirty minutes early for their sessions. Heck, the girl was even willing to learn how to put makeup now compared to the first time she met her, when she was still boyish and barbaric. She didn't know the full details of her transformation, but she was only glad that they got along because of it.

If there is one person in the world who is half - happy and half - sad with the results and changes, it would be Hange Zoe, or Jacqueline Baxter, as known by her neighbors. Yes, she was happy that there was a full three hundred sixty degree - change regarding the man. He barked at her less, he swore less, and the ten insults per day became nine. He cooked more often, and she was glad about it, since she didn't have to buy or do it, herself, for she lacked the ability to do so. But, she knew deep inside that she was supposed to be suspicious of her betrothed's unfaithful behavior. In fact, she knew she must be angry at the girl who continuously makes her man smile like an idiot, just for the sake of their disguise. She was not supposed to be tolerating him on his behavior. But, how could she? Especially at this moment when Levi Ackerman finally moved on with his past, deceitful lover and forgot her for the sake of what she felt was his one true love that he fully deserved for all the trouble he went to for humanity's sake as a sort of blessing in disguise.

If there is one person in the world who is sad with the results and changes, it would be Erwin Smith. He had no idea of what was happening to (F/N), thanks to the Dawk family and his own sister who refused to share details regarding her. Whenever he had the time to visit her, she was often distracted. She often looked as if she was in a different world, and she sometimes make him repeat what he just said to her. She even sometimes forget some things that they planned, like that supposed walk in the park that one Sunday. Of course, he was sad, but being him, he only passed this off as her having a hard time in the Military Police, especially now that Kenny Ackerman took the reins as the new Training Officer for the regiment. Maybe she was just stressed with everything that was going on around her?

And, speaking of Kenny Ackerman, well, one could only guess what this devil is up to. Only that he spied on her a lot, accidentally listened in on (F/N), Hitch and Marlowe's many conversations, and made her assist him a lot during combat training sessions. Yes, he was already considered old by younger recruits, even called ancient at times. Aha, no. He's not that old, and he knew it. Well, yes, he may be old, but he was, once, a youngster, too. And he knew full well when a girl was head over heels for him. Well, not for him, this time. But, he could feel that (F/N) was head over heels for someone. He just didn't know who. And he didn't bother to know, since it was for another reason that he came back to the Military Police as a Captain.

Going back to the two people in question, they were still oblivious of their own feelings for each other, despite what almost everyone noticed in them. Minutes passed without them telling each other how much they craved for each other's company. Hours passed without them showing just how much they care for each other. Days passed without them saying that they long to stay longer with each other.

Weeks passed without Levi telling her the whole truth between the two of them, which was his real purpose for going after her in the first place.

Weeks passed without (F/N) remembering the man she truly loved even a bit.

Well, saying even a bit was a huge understatement.

For, this even a bit came as a huge thing in (F/N)'s senses.

In fact, it came crashing down upon her like an avalanche.

"What the fuck is it?!" Levi screamed as he opened the door.

It was a huge mistake.

For outside the doorway stood none other than the confused - looking (F/N),...

Levi gulped uncontrollably. His sweat and blood ran cold, and his hands immediately became shaky. (F/N) looked at him with eyes as huge as saucers, and her mouth slightly hung open with shock.

Instantly, some unknown emotions flooded inside her like crashing waves. Yes, she had moments like this as a sign that she was slowly getting her memories back.

But, this time, it didn't work that way.

"(F/N)? I d-didn't know you were here,..." Levi began as he tried to touch her arm. She drew away from him as an image of a dark - haired person materialized inside her head. And he was saying some things inside her that was beginning to make her head reel.

YOU BITCH! YOU FUCKING SLUT!

How shameful. Disgusting.

Who said you're allowed to sit there?

Brainless,...

You,... FUCKING LIAR! I WANT YOU TO DISAPPEAR! LEAVE! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR FUCKING FACE EVER AGAIN!

"(F/N)!" Levi said as he finally grabbed her left arm.

Her eyes snapped back towards Elvis, and all of a sudden, she saw him with raven - colored hair, not blonde.

"(F/N), are you alright? You're worrying me, (F/N). I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to say that." He said to her, beginning to have a panic attack due to her reaction.

"Levi, what is happening?" Hange said as she made her way towards him. And as she looked at the doorway, she noticed just in time when (F/N) shook his hand forcefully away from her. Her face looked pale, and she was looking at him like he was a murderer. "(F/N)? what are you - "

"(F/N), listen to me,..." Levi said as he attempted to touch her once more.

But, of course, she avoided him again.

"I,..." she began, her voice slightly trembling. She was trying to shake the weird memory off her. She doesn't want him to be worried about her.

But, those words,...

Those were,...

...some of her memories?

Why does it hurt so, so much?

Why?

"I j-just came to tell you that uncle Nile is inviting you and Lady Baxter for tomorrow's dinner. That is all." She finally said to him.

"What? (F/N), we need to talk,..."

"I,... ah,..." she stuttered, and decided to lie. "I must go, Lady Delilah is waiting for me,..."

"On a weekend? (F/N) - !"

But, she got away from him as fast as she could, not once looking back at him.

From that point on, Levi knew that it's nearly impossible to get her memories back.

Not, when the only things she could seemingly remember were the ones which hurt a lot.

***

"Honey, you don't have to do this." Petra's mother pleaded with her. That was the day that her only daughter was to go to Trost district to train as a Cadet.

"You can't stop me, mom. I want this for myself." Petra said, ignoring her mother's tears as she prepared to leave.

"Petra, you should listen to mother."

Petra turned and saw her adoptive sister, (F/N).

Her eyebrows furrowed and her sorrowful mood changed to that of enmity. She knew how much her parents doted on her. She realized that from that moment when (F/N) saved their property from being ransacked by those thieves, a feat that Petra, herself, could simply do on her own and without the help of anyone.

But, yes, the girl had to butt in and make herself look good in front of her parents. And ever since then, they ignored her, their one true daughter, and left her on her own. And it made her decide to enter the Cadet Corps and prove to them that she is as strong as (F/N).

And now, as she looked at her sister's eyes, she felt nothing but hate and jealousy.

Yes, jealousy.

(F/N) tried many ways to stop Petra from entering the Corps, but it was no use. The girl was very stubborn, which made her very confused. Petra used to be a very sweet and kind girl who was always there for her.

But, all of that changed in the blink of an eye. She talked to her less and ignored her most of the time, usually when they were alone. She kept to herself more often and she even ignored her parents.

It's now or never. Petra must not join the Corps.

Not now that her mother was planning the grandest Winter Season debut for her, ready to give her the noble title she had when she was still living in Wall Sina.

But, now, it looked as though nothing would change Petra's mind.

Yes, she was jealous of Petra getting a beautiful gown and a grand debut and all, but, then, she knew full well that she was just adopted, and that she would never experience those things, herself. Petra had the right to be the most beautiful debutante there ever was in the face of the three Walls, and not her. And she's wasting all of those beautiful opportunities just to join the Corps, where life expectancy is gruesomely and brutally low.

Petra ignored (F/N) once more as she looked at her weeping mother.

"Don't worry, mother. I'll prove to you that I could be as strong as you want me to be." She said to her.

"What? No! That is not our intention. Petra, listen very well,..."

Petra gave her a smile, one that made (F/N) shiver.

"Goodbye, mother." She simply uttered, picked up her bag, and left.

***

~ @levi4mikasa , @yepps , @shewolfofficial , @unhappysap , @nerdyphantomlady , @super-peace-fangirl , @fangurl-ontgeside , and @emilyackerman78 . 💜

***

💜💜💜

***

#shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #levi ackerman #captain levi #this i promise #levi x reader #levi x you #chapter 39 #mistake

[pasmater-ay]

Why Coffee Makes You More Focused?

Coffee can make you greater centered, however it likely received’t make you extra creative

specialists say the precise level of daily caffeine can range from man or woman to man or woman. Getty photographs researchers say coffee can enhance awareness, but it probably doesn’t decorate creativity. Professionals say previous research have also come to comparable conclusions. Experts upload that everyone is different, so the ideal stage of day by day caffeine can vary from person to person. Your morning cup of espresso can growth your ability to awareness and trouble-resolve, but it likely has no considerable impact on creativity. That’s the conclusion of a take a look at posted this week. Within the studies, 80 members were given both a two hundred-milligram caffeine tablet, that is equivalent to at least one cup of strong coffee, or a placebo. The stimulant’s consequences on convergent (problem-solving) and divergent (concept-producing) wondering, running reminiscence, and mood have been tested. Caffeine affected convergent wondering however no longer divergent wondering, the researchers pronounced.

It didn’t substantially have an effect on running memory, despite the fact that researchers pronounced that members felt less unhappy.

Curious about conscious consuming?

We will give you a taste. Are you equipped to present aware eating a shot? Our vitamins e-newsletter allow you to try it. Take the aware eating mission and learn how to create lasting, healthful conduct around meals.

what professionals have to say kristin kirkpatrick, ms, rdn, author of “thin liver,” says she isn’t amazed by way of the take a look at’s findings.

“preceding research did now not find a hyperlink to creativity in the past,” she told healthline. “creativity is so very private, though exciting, i’m now not sure what the link might be to have caffeine effect that.”

it became sudden to andy de santis, a registered dietitian and weight reduction expert.

“i’ve written and appeared into the proof on caffeine on numerous occasions, and my knowledge of the high-quality to be had science was continually that, at the same time as caffeine can offer stronger attention and recognition, there may be tons less convincing proof it’s going to make you higher at making difficult choices or sporting out greater complex responsibilities,” he advised healthline.

“for me, based totally on what i’ve visible previously, it’s unsurprising that creativity falls into that 2nd category, and that’s not to mention this look at definitively closes the e-book on caffeine and creativity either,” de santis added. Be cautious with caffeine the have a look at turned into carried out with the equal of simply one cup of strongly brewed espresso. Healthline spoke with professionals to decide whether or not a certain quantity of caffeine in the eating regimen starts having an inverse effect.

“yes, without a doubt,” says de santis. “there may be something called the yerkes-dodson regulation, which essentially says that a courting exists between stimulation and overall performance.”

the connection is one of diminishing returns. Here’s how it works.

“so caffeine, manifestly, gives stimulation,” de santis said. “in turn, that stimulation has the capability to beautify an individual’s paintings or exercise performance, specially if fatigue is causing a performance detriment.”

“but that relationship most effective works up to a positive important factor, beyond which overstimulation (i. E., too much caffeine) surely detracts from our overall performance by way of making it tougher to consciousness,” he explained. Absolutely everyone’s one-of-a-kind the edge is one of a kind for every body.

“this one certainly relies upon plenty on genetics,” says kirkpatrick. “for example, a few human beings are speedy metabolizers of caffeine, at the same time as others are slow.”

“the determining thing lies inside the cyp1a2 gene that has been studied considerably,” she said. “for slow metabolizers, excess caffeine can be lethal.”

“speaking in extra general phrases, all of us react otherwise to caffeine, so i'd think that this will be no distinct,” kirkpatrick explained. “alertness and increased power could both be probably impacted by way of your private metabolism of caffeine.”

you realize your body exceptional, so pay attention to what it’s pronouncing.

“maximum folks recognize how we react to caffeine,” stated kirkpatrick. “some of my sufferers have six-plus cups a day, at the same time as others can’t have a couple of cup of espresso.”

Conclusion:

“in case you sense jittery, frightened, can’t sleep at night because of coffee consumption, it might not be the proper stimulant for you,” she brought. But, in case you tolerate caffeine and use it as a overall performance enhancement, de santis says it’s possibly adequate to drink a bigger amount of coffee.

“there is no proof to signify caffeine inhibits creativity, so i’m not certain we need to make an excessive amount of of it,” he said.

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