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duskyvenus · 9 months

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Super Blue Moon: What you need to hear right now

This is a general intuitive reading meant for entertainment purposes. Take whatever resonates. I am still practicing my intuitive ability so feedback would be really helpful :))

Pile 1

You might be wanting peace, a quiet life. I'm seeing walks in the nature, consuming healthy unprocessed food, lots of fruits. You might like red or orange colored fruits (could be any). I'm sensing changes in lifestyle. Maybe you will relocate or renovate your home (changing your aesthetics and style). Your soulmate(romantic) or current partner or future partner(whatever resonates) is sending you messages of affirmation. Also they might like to stare at you and admire your features lol. I'm hearing: It's all about the little things. Maybe this is something you believe in or it is about to become a theme in your life in the near future. A short trip or holiday might soothe your nerves a bit, preferably somewhere cooler. Overall, I think change is coming your away; there's this picture of letting things go and relaxing in a lodge in the mountains while sunlight creeps in through the window. Yeah lots of sunshine imagery in this pile. It's about how the sun slowly warms you up. Slowly and surely you will be moving to the next stage.

Pile 2

Similar to pile 1, I think you might be in need of some sunlight lol. I'm seeing something about hobbies, so maybe you need to get back to them? You might not have completed a previous painting, book, blanket or whatever. I'm also seeing cakes which means some kind of celebration. It might be your friend's birthday soon. Yeah I'm hearing about a dear friend, someone you think is your soulmate (for some of you, they are :] ). Or maybe a connection where either person has romantic feelings and the other feels neutral. Some of you might be studying hard and preparing for your future job and you're trying to keep a positive mindset. I see so many drawings and scribbles in a notebook. This is the student pile. I'm also seeing baked food and the aroma of cafes. Maybe you like to do your work in a cafe with a cup of coffee and some cake. Also you might be secretive and like to keep things to yourself. Might be a homebody. You are working to chase a reward and you're feeling frustrated because the path is so long. Don't be too hard on yourself. Set small goals and reward yourself for finishing them.

Pile 3

Whimsical and airy vibes for this pile. I'm hearing that you might have witnessed something paranormal? Or something that just can't be real. Hmm existential crisis? Questioning the universe? Questioning yourself? I'm seeing wings. You might be wanting to just fly away lol. Or they could be angel wings. You might be feeling lonely. Recently you might have ended a friendship or relationship OR you might have lost someone so you feel empty. I'm really sorry for your loss :( A big phase of your life suddenly came to an end so you're feeling lost. Old memories flashing in your head. Though I also feel that someone wants to approach you with hopes of making new memories with you. They seem like a very doting person and also calm. 'Calm'; your head is a mess and you feel like you're not able to think clearly. You might be asking yourself, "Am I seeing/hearing things?", "Why am I not able to do such a simple task?" Maybe your spirit guides or guardian angel want(s) to communicate with you and for that I'm hearing lavender and mint. Meditation may also help you to sort out your thoughts.

Pile 4

This is the happy-go-lucky pile. I'm seeing you have so much fun with your friends! You seem like the type to uplift people's moods. It feels empty when you're not around. You might feel pressured to keep up this cheerful image. Lately someone might have been rude to you or accused you of something or just bad-mouthed you. You might have felt taken aback because of this and tried to reflect on yourself. Don't worry, they're just jealous. Maybe you started thinking about the time when your demeanor was very different from now; you were not a cheerful person to begin with, but you started acting this way because you wanted to be treated differently. Now that there has been a sudden rejection that is asking you to re evaluate your choices, you are considering reverting back to your old self. Or maybe you think a lot about your friendships and just feel overwhelmed by the love :( This is so wholesome. You feel deeply and often wonder about the outcomes of your actions. I think that's why you wanted change, you genuinely wanted to be of help to someone. Your friends really appreciate it even though they won't admit openly (for some of you, your friend is a tsundere lol)

Pile 5

An ethereal energy in this pile. Stargazing and being mesmerized. You know that feeling you get when you look up at the stars and wonder if someone is watching you? I think your guardian angels want you to know that they are always there for you. If not a guardian angel then a deceased loved one. You have big aspirations but you often feel intimidated. You may have doubts about the path you're choosing. I just want to say that you have the star quality and you're blessed. I'm hearing fate and good luck. If you have been manifesting, try using candles or star shaped objects. You can even use them as a lucky charm. "You drew stars around my scars" - this may apply to you and someone you know. Something about light at the end of the tunnel. 'Hope' ; someone or something gives you hope to keep going. You're working really hard, you just wonder if you'll get the results. This kind of reminds me of pile 2 so you might want to check that out. "Funny how all dreams come true"

Pile 6

You might be talking to someone and you don't really know where this is going? You can say it's a situation-ship. Or you're crushing hard on someone. Either way this is making you giddy. You might also be transforming yourself and so all the changes are making you feel giddy. A very new feeling. You're trying to look at things differently. You're trying to concentrate. You're craving some form of affection. The message I'm getting is that self care will help you get that faster. Also I'm hearing that you have a vibe that is easy to mesh with. People often find you attractive even when you're not doing anything. "Aphrodite's blessings" - you may get the glow-up you've been waiting for. Similar starry night vibes as pile 5. You're also really good at giving compliments and appreciating the beauty of the smallest things. You are a very loving person if you are given the space to do so. "Hang in there baby." - your future partner could be very devoted to you.

A channeled message for everyone: Please eat well !! And have some good sleep!! Take your vitamins!!

#pick a card #intuitive readings #psychic readings #pick a pile #pick a card reading #tarot #divination #tarot reading #duskyvenus

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bad268 · 6 days

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Hi I really like your stories! And i was thinking that could you possibly write another one for Kimi Antonelli with a reader that can’t speak Italian while they are travelling in Italy? I believe this is going to be really interesting!

Good Enough (Andrea Kimi Antonelli X Reader)

Fandom: RPF/F2/F3

Requested: Clearly (Thank you love! Some of this is a real conversation I had with one of my friends)

Warnings: Language lol, aged up Kimi

POV: Second Person (You/your)

W.C. 1052

Summary: Duolingo can only do so much

Join my 1K Celly

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

You liked to think that you were well-versed in many things. Italian was not one of those things. That was a bit of a problem especially when your boyfriend is Italian. You would visit him constantly, but you never left his house.

You were a homebody at heart, so you were more than content to stay at his house whenever you came to visit. It was just who you were.

However, Kimi wanted to show you around. He had a larger break between his Formula 2 season-ender and Formula 1 debut, and you were already planning to stay with him during the winter break. He wanted to take you around Bologna, his home city, and take you to all of his favorite places. This was mainly because you took him to all of your favorite places when he visited you and your home city before the season started, so he wanted to return the favor.

The first place you went to was his favorite cafe.

“But this sign says “bar,” Kimi,” You laughed as you reluctantly followed him to the building.

“Bar is a cafe in Italian,” Kimi laughed as he led the door open for you. You walked in and, true to his word, it was a cafe. You walk up to the counter to order, but everything is in Italian.

“How am I supposed to know what’s here?” You signed trying to recognize anything on the menu. “It’s all Italian.”

“Huh, wonder why,” Kimi joked, “Just tell me what you want, and I’ll order for you.”

“Can I just get a coffee with cream and sugar? I feel like that’s easy, right?” You asked looking around at the options, and you saw a bunch of coffee beans behind the counter. Surely they’d have coffee.

“Ciao, vorresti ordinare?” The barista asked as she saw you standing there. You immediately looked over to Kimi for him to respond.

“Ciao, vorrei un cafè con latte e zucchero e un tè con latte,” He said to her before turning his attention to you. “Do you want anything to eat?”

“Do they have croissants?” You asked, and he nodded, turning his attention back to the barista.

“E due croissant, per favore,” He replied as he pulled out money to pay. “Grazie!”

“I’m never going to learn Italian,” You groaned as you walked to a table on the outdoor patio to wait for your food. “It’s difficult, and I don’t even know what you ordered us.”

“I could always tell you what I said,” he laughed. “I bet I could also teach you.”

“Please,” You let up as you grabbed his hand from across the table. “Duolingo is not helping. If anything, it’s making it more difficult to understand.”

“You tried Duolingo before asking your Italian boyfriend to learn Italian? Mamma mia!” Just then, the barista brought out your food and drinks before heading back behind the counter. “Here, I’ll help. This,” he said as he gestured to your cup of coffee, “I said I would like a coffee with cream and sugar. Vorrei un cafè con latte e zucchero. Try it.”

“I’m going to butcher the accents,” You admitted as you tried it out, and sure enough, you messed up a little, but it was not too far off the original. That could be chalked up to the lack of an Italian accent. “Was that horrible?”

“Not at all!” He encouraged as he took a drink from his tea. “Then I said I also wanted a tea with cream. Un tè con latte. Are you seeing the resemblance?”

“So tè is tea and cafè is coffee?” You asked and were met with a nod from him. “Then latte is cream, con is with, and zucchero is sugar.”

“Yes! That’s all right!” He smiled as he passed you one of the croissants. “Then what would ‘due croissant’ mean?”

“Two croissants, I’m guessing?” You answered nervously but were met with a smile.

“Sì, you’re doing great!” He praised as he brought your hand up to his lips to place a kiss on your knuckles. “Now, do you know what ‘ciao’, ‘per favore’ and ‘grazie’ mean?”

“Of course, I know ‘ciao’! I’ve heard Bella Ciao before,” You joked. Kimi’s eyes widened as if still asking the question. “It means hi, right?” “Yes, but what about the others?”

“‘Per favore’ sounds like ‘please’ in Spanish, so I’m assuming that,” You replied, “And I bet ‘grazie’ is thank you. You’ve said that a lot, especially after the race, to your engineers.”

“Corretto!” That’s when he noticed you were both done with your drinks and noticed you were done, so he stood up to take the glassware back to the counter before coming back to you. “How about we go shopping? I can keep teaching you Italian while we walk around my favorite places.”

“That sounds fun,” You said as you stood up and followed him down the street, hand in hand. “I need a new jacket anyway.”

“Io ho bisogno di una nuova giacca,” he replied without missing a beat.

“Huh?”

“I need a new jacket in Italian is io ho bisogno di una nuova giacca,” He laughed seeing your confused face.

“Is this going to be a new theme? Anything I say, you’re going to translate it?”

“Se vuoi che lo faccia,” He said, causing you to glare at him. He laughed lightly before translating, “If you want me to.”

“As hot as I find your accent and you speaking Italian to me, I’d rather you not do that,” You admitted. “Can we just stick to small words that I definitely already know the meaning of and small lessons here and there?”

“Well, what words do you already know?”

“Ciao, per favore, grazie-”

“Word that I did not teach you before today,” He cut you off with a laugh.

“Uh, amour means love, ti amo means I love you, and um, one that’s not so good willed,” You chuckled nervously as you both walked by a huge group of people.

“I still want to know what it is,” He pressed once everyone cleared out of the way, and he pulled you to the side in an alley for more privacy. “What is it?”

“Vaffanculo,” You whispered, “It means fuck you.”

“Technically, it means go fuck yourself, but close enough.”

~~~~~

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biisexualemma · 3 years

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unrequited pt.2. peter parker

word count: 3.6k

warnings: anxiety, panic attack? i guess kind of

requested: yea a few people asked for this lol

plot: you haven’t seen peter for weeks and start to worry about him

a/n: i finished re-writing this late last night and i’ll be honest with you i haven’t checked it over so sorry if there are any mistakes but i’m tired sis goodnight! lmk if you like this! pls comment / share!

pt.1 / marvel masterlist / multi-fandom masterlist

"ned... you're so wrong for so many reasons," m.j.'s expression was flat, her eyes rolling before she continued to fight ned on who was really the strongest avenger. you were supposed to be working on a group project for your history class but somehow the topic of the avengers came up and the conversation derailed. ned was making a, somewhat, compelling case for the hulk but m.j. was clearly winning with her argument for wanda.

"nobody even knows the full extent of her powers... and the hulk? what? he's gonna smash some more?"

you sat quietly, chin in the palm of your hand, listening in and out of the conversation. you didn't really feel much like contributing. you would occasionally chime in to support m.j. but mostly you just heard the noise of their bickering and let it happen.

you didn't want to be that person, but your mind was (much to your frustration) completely consumed with thoughts of peter. and at the worst time, you had so many tests coming up, and essay deadlines were also creeping up on you. usually you were on top of this stuff, but your mind was preoccupied almost all the time.

because of peter, who was no where to be seen. in the past few weeks he had stopped showing up to school all together. ned said it was something to do with tony stark but you had a feeling it was more than that. you didn't know how to explain it.

you hadn't spoken to him in a long time now, and you didn't exactly leave things on good terms. it was the longest you'd gone without talking since peter called you a poopy head in the third grade.

you just couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. especially since you had no idea what he was getting up to, peter was known to get himself into some messes when he was left to his own devices. and you just knew ned was lying to cover for his best friend but that only made you feel even more out of the loop.

everything felt a bit off without peter around, like something was missing. that, on top of the guilt and worry you were feeling, was turning your head to mush. last time you'd spoken to peter, he was erratic and wounded and desperate. something bad had to have happened for him to be gone this long.

the bell rang, signalling the end of your last period for the day, and the rest of the week seeing as it was a friday. you snapped out of your daze, jolting as your eyes focused back on your surroundings.

"what time did you say again, y/n?" your eyes drifted to m.j. who was collecting her notes on her desk, her eyes meetings yours, waiting for your answer. a crease formed between your eyebrows, you hadn't heard a word of the conversation before right now. m.j. seemed to realise this, rolling her eyes at you with a playful smile. you did this a lot lately, she was getting used to it. "homecoming? what time did you want to meet tonight?"

"oh," you nodded, still sitting at your desk as your classmates hustled around you. "right, homecoming— i— uh—"

"tell me you're still coming," ned interrupted, his eyes wide suddenly, clearly desperate that your answer was anything but no. "c'mon we've had this planned for ages!"

"no— yeah— of course i am," you nodded quickly to reassure him. "yeah— sorry— i just spaced. is seven good for you guys?"

they hummed in response, nodding.

you packed up your books, shoving them into your bag, still in a slight haze with all these thoughts running through your head about peter. you couldn't think about homecoming, it seemed trivial now compared to the worst case scenarios running through your mind. maybe you could try to call peter again? you thought to yourself as you quickly left the classroom, forgetting about m.j. and ned and homecoming, your muscle memory alone leading you to your locker.

you swapped out your books from your bag with the ones you needed to study from for your biology test next week. after slamming the locker door shut, a familiar face was met with yours.

"jesus," you muttered as he stood inches away from your face, your heart racing from the shock. clutching your books to your chest, after nearly having a heart attack, you let out a loud sigh and furrowed your eyebrows. "peter? where the hell have you been?" you regained some of your composure, enough to find some anger in you towards him. he was the last person you were expecting to see today.

"you're ok?" his usual soft brown eyes looked sunken and tired, his hair was scruffier than usual and his lips chapped as they hung open, his eyes scanning over you.

your mouth hung open to speak but he just shook his head as if answering his own question. he gripped your forearm, urging you to walk with him. you dug in your heels, yanking your arm back, wanting him to slow down and explain before you went anywhere with him. "will you just walk," he muttered sharply when you tried to resist him. "please," he softened quickly, his eyes meeting yours.

you frowned, uncomfortably shifting the stack of books in your arms as peter pulled you along behind him hastily. you watched his eyes shifting about the hallway as students weaved around the two of you, his grip not loosening for a second. he was definitely up to something stupid and dangerous that he absolutely should not be involved in.

he'd dragged you all the way out into the parking lot, pulling you aside and away from the crowd of people.

"what's going on? why do you look like— i mean no offence but— you look like crap," you couldn't help but show some level of concern. no matter how complicated your feelings were for him at the moment, he was still your best friend, and he looked like hell. you couldn't stop yourself from staring at him.

"i need you to just— stop talking and listen to me," the look in his eyes made your heart beat a bit faster, your eyes darting between his trying to understand his urgency. "you're not safe—"

"no— i'm fine—" you were never very good at doing what you were told. you glanced down at yourself, perfectly safe and standing in front of him. "see?—"

"no— no you're not," he gulped, his eyes darting away from yours for a split second. "i'm taking you home and you have to stay there. ok? please."

his voice was horse, cracking when he spoke. you didn't understand any of it. peter was the friendly neighbourhood spider-man, what the hell had he gotten himself into that had him this worked up?

you tilted your head slightly, he couldn't think you'd blindly do whatever he said. you needed some answers. "pete," you mumbled, shaking your head with a faint frown. "can't you just tell me what's going on? you're kinda' scaring me."

"i screwed up," his face contorted, his eyes screwing shut for a second and his nose scrunching. you were glued to him, following his mixed expressions trying to understand what was going through his head. he took a deep, shaky breath, running a hand through his hair. "and i know you— you hate me and the last thing you wanna' do is listen to me but i need you to do this for me."

"alright," you said after a moments hesitation. you just wanted him to relax. all your pent up anger and hurt that you'd felt over peter had dissipated quite quickly. you were too occupied with trying to ease some of his stress, and if that meant becoming a homebody for a few days, you would do it. "alright— don't worry. i've been putting off my english essay for a week now anyway, it's about time i cracked down on it."

you tried to ease the tension, act like he wasn't asking much of you. he let out a heavy sigh, looking over at you with those brown eyes. "it's homecoming tonight, i know w—"

"is it?" you feigned forgetfulness, not wanting to make him feel any worse than he already did. you shrugged. "i was never one for socialising anyway."

peter knew you better than that. he knew what he was asking you to give up. "i'm sorry," he took a step closer to you, his hands hovering in front of you, unsure that you wanted him to touch you. "i'm sorry you got dragged into this."

your eyes lingered on his hands before you pulled back up to his stare. you pursed your lips and shrugged. "i'd feel better about it if i knew what i was getting dragged into," you pulled away from your conversation for a second to slip your books into your bag. "walk me home and you can explain everything."

and he did. he told you all about the vulture, the weapons, what really happened during the decathlon trip. all of it. right up to when the vulture figured out his identity— which lead to him finding out about aunt may, about his friends, and about you. he told you about how he'd spent the past few weeks figuring out where the vulture's next major deal was being held, how he'd messed up so bad and how mr stark had taken his suit.

by the time he'd finished, your mouth hung open slightly. you didn't know how he'd been dealing with all of this by himself. spider-man helped old ladies cross the street and returned stolen bicycles, he didn't fight men in bird costumes to stop illegal sales of dangerous advanced weapon tech.

"peter, this sounds pretty dangerous," you spoke up after he told you about his plan to intercept the vulture's airplane heist. "don't you think you should just call happy? or tony? this sounds like iron man territory."

"i can't do that," he sighed. "besides, i already tried happy— he's not taking my calls right now. something about a time out."

you let out a heavy sigh, having taken everything in that he'd told you. you had reached your door, peter standing behind you with his hands stuffed in his pockets. you motioned for him to come in but he hesitated, opening his mouth to decline. "c'mon," you grabbed his arm and tugged gently. "this heist isn't happening 'til late tonight. you can keep me company 'til then."

"maybe, get some rest, too, you really do look like hell," he let you pull him inside, following behind you. he ignored the second dig you had now made about his appearance.

"may must've been pretty mad when she found out you'd been skipping school?" you collapsed onto your bed, crossing your legs over and watching peter perch himself on the edge of your bed. he leaned forward, his hand running over his face with sheer exhaustion.

"you have no idea," he groaned, holding his head up with the palm of his hand now. "i'm pretty much grounded for the rest of the year. and i have to send her a pic' of me sitting in every one of my classes from now on," you nodded, pursing your lips because that sounded about right. "but mainly she was worried."

"well, she wasn't the only one," he glanced at you over his shoulder, his eyes lingering there for a while. you breathed through your nose, looking away from him and down to your hands to give yourself a moment. you'd forgotten how difficult it was to have him look at you like that. "you just took off with no word, peter."

he turned his gaze away from you, focusing on the wall in front of him, his eyes glossy. for weeks that last conversation with you had been sitting at the back of his mind. he knew he'd handled everything in the worse possible way. he tried to protect you, hurt you by doing so, and then had everything he tried to protect you from blow up in his face anyway.

"i haven't been able to think clearly for weeks," you gulped, scared to meet his gaze again, in fear that you might lose your confidence. "i missed you. and i was worried out of my mind about you."

"y/n—" his voice was quiet.

"and i know i was the one who told you to leave. but i was hurt and sad. i'd convinced myself that you felt the same way, and when you—" you closed your eyes for a second, feeling him watching you. you hadn't been able to say any of this out loud for weeks and now it was just spilling out of you. "anyway— i shouldn't've punished you for that. they are my feelings i need to get over. it wasn't your fault and i'm sorry i made it seem like it was."

he shook his head faintly, sniffling slightly, catching your attention. "i screwed up," he shook his head a little harder, pushing himself up off your bed, his back turned to you. "i screwed up so bad," he ran his hand over his face, his thumb and forefinger pinching the bridge of his nose. your eyebrows knitted. "it wasn't supposed to turn out like this."

"don't," you shook your head, willing him to stop. "it's not your fault. i shouldn't have—"

he cut you off, turning to face you as he did. "i'm in love with you," his mouth hung open slightly, his eyes now stinging red. "i was in love with you then, and i'm in love with you now. i think i always will be."

your eyebrows unknitted, your mouth opening to speak but nothing came out. you watched his hand tug on the ends of his curls, his eyes locked onto you the entire time, trying to read your expression.

"i was trying to protect you and it went completely wrong—" his breathing was erratic. "i thought you'd be safer if i distanced myself—" the look on his face was breaking your heart. he knew how stupid it all sounded now he explained it out loud. "i screwed everything up— and now you're in more danger than ever— because of me."

"you— you—" your brain was trying to keep up. you shook your head. you had spent the past month telling yourself that everything you thought he'd felt for you wasn't real, that you'd over thought everything he'd ever done for you. you'd been telling yourself for a month to move on. "you didn't screw up, pete. i know you. whatever you did, you did for the right reasons."

the lump in your throat was growing as you tried to keep some kind of composure. it wouldn't do either of you any good to get upset with him when he was worked up like this. he didn't need to be told he'd made a mistake, he was already painfully aware.

"you don't— you—but— i—" he was hyperventilating, completely vulnerable as he fell apart in front of you.

"pete," you mumbled carefully, climbing over to where he was stood, hand in his hair and he pulled on the loose curls, his eyes wide with anxiety and stress. you moved your hands to his, pulling them down to his side and giving them a small squeeze. "calm down," you cooed. "everything will be ok."

you trailed your hands up to his shoulders, giving them a soft squeeze before pulling him into a tight hug. you wrapped your arms 'round his shoulders, one hand moving to the back of his head, running your fingers through his hair. his head ducked, burying into your neck, his arms wrapping around your waist in a desperate grip. his breathing was heavy at first, uneven and jagged as he clung onto you. your heart was beating out of your chest, you were sure he could hear it, but you held onto him as tight as you could, pressing your whole body against his trying to offer him as much comfort as you could.

after a while of standing around, holding each other, peter's breathing began to grow softer and slower. he began to notice the sweet scent lingering on your skin. his lips innocently hovering over the curve of your neck, breath fanning against your skin. you could feel goosebumps growing on your skin, the hair of your arms standing on end.

"better?" you mumbled softly. he gave you a faint nod in response, his lips leaving your skin as he pulled himself back from you. your hand slipped from in between his curls and down to the neck, your thumb brushing over his skin as he looked straight into your eyes. you gulped, eyelids fluttering.

he was a state to behold. his nose was pink, under eyes wet, your eyes trailed down to where his lips parted. he hiccuped a breath. you tried to push away the impulse to kiss him because he was clearly vulnerable. you didn't want him to later regret anything. "thanks," he mumbled breathlessly. "i don't know what happened there."

you pouted your lips, about to reply when peters eyes fluttered down your face, catching you off guard. his eyes lingered and you noticed his head tilting down and nearer, his lips catching onto yours before you could register what was happening. it was soft, gentle and didn't last longer than a couple seconds before you had to force yourself to pull away.

"peter— you're overwhelmed right now so maybe we shouldn—"

your whispers against his lips where cut short, he pressed his lips to yours again. unable to resist now he'd had a taste. his arms tightened around your waist, pulling you back flush against his chest. you swallowed a gasp, feeling his full weight behind the second kiss. his lips pushed against yours a little more desperately this time, you fell back a step, peter's arms where the only thing keeping you upright at this point.

both your hands where either side of his neck, trailing up into his hair where you pulled softly at the roots of his messy curls. he let out a soft moan against your lips, and you stumbled back once more, your thighs hitting your bed.

your hands quickly slipped down to his chest as you gently pried him off you. your head was spinning a little, his lips were plump and pink and the way he looked at you, with pure love and obsession, made you want to kiss him again and again.

"did you mean it?" you muttered breathlessly.

his eyes trailed back up from your lips, his gaze locking with yours again. he noticed the vulnerability and fear in your eyes now that he was paying you his full attention. he felt a wave of guilt hit him, knowing he was the one that put that look there.

"yeah," he hummed. "i did," he said with his chest. "i do. always will," he was breathless.

"you're not just saying it 'cause you've missed me?"

he shook his head quickly, shutting down any traces of doubt in your mind. "i have been in love with you since that summer we took that trip to coney island when you threw up after you ate too much cotton candy."

your scrunched up your nose at the memory. "gross."

he shrugged. "i don't know what to tell you. that's just when i knew."

your lips twitched into a small smile. "you should probably get some rest," you diverted the topic, trying hard not to kiss him again. he looked so tired. he had poured out months worth of anxiety and stress all in the past ten minutes. "you can't chase bad guys if you're half asleep."

he wore a half-hearted smile, his mind clearly flickering back to the task he had to take on later tonight.

"you can crash here if you want," you motioned to your bed.

"y'sure? i don't wanna get you in trouble."

"mom's working late, so you're good. plus she loves you, pete," your hands slipped down to his, giving them a quick squeeze of reassurance.

"sure she'll still love me when she finds out about us?" he quirked an eyebrow, the small smile on his lips was sloped and tired.

"m'sure," you hummed, biting back your growing smile at the word us. you moved him to sit on your bed again, his hands lazily holding yours. his eyelids fluttered as he looked up at you, a small crease forming between his eyebrows again. you could tell his mind was wandering again. "lie down, you need to rest or you're no good to anyone."

he nodded hesitantly and followed your instruction. "i'll sleep better with you next to me."

his voice was soft after you'd turned your back on him to leave him to rest. you rolled your eyes faintly, smile tugging your lips again. "is that right?"

he hummed, his arms outstretched, waiting for you to fall into them. you dragged your feet back over to him, biting the inside of your cheek, the corner of your lip twitching upwards. "there's a scientific reason behind it but my brain's too sleepy to think right now, so you'll have to take my word for it."

his words slurred together, his eyes rolling slightly the longer he forced them open. you just nodded. "alright, spidey, just this once."

"hm," he hummed as you climbed in next to him, his arms wrapping around you and immediately pulling you against his chest. "thanks," he muttered, his lips pressed against the top of your head. "don't know what i'd do without you."

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lyrebirdswrites · 3 years

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not me drawing and interpreting proper astrological birth charts for the jjk main trio now that the official fan book finally gave us their birthplace in addition to their birthday 👀

Explanation under the cut! (edited to be more beginner friendly)

Quick disclaimer ig: this is just my personal interpretation of these placements. If you read the way I describe something and you think to yourself “hang on, I have this placement and this doesn’t sound like me at all” that would be because a) I am an amateur astrologer and I do this for fun, I don’t know everything about every sign/planet, and b) no placement exists in isolation - it’s influenced by the house it’s in as well as any other planets aspecting it - so it’s possible that the placement manifests in a less conventional/standard way due you because of such factors.

EDIT: my first draft of this post was not super beginner friendly so here’s a quick astrology 101 to help people understand wtf I’m talking about. Skip to the next photo if you don’t need a primer.

Everyone has ten main planets in their birth chart, each of those planets will fall under a different sign depending on when and where you were born. The planet governs an area of your personality, the sign shows what that area of your personality is like. Some quick definitions of the relevant planets for this post:

Sun: the one everyone thinks of when asked ‘what’s your star sign’. Your basic personality, your core, your ego.

Moon: symbolises emotion, intuition, your private internal world, and how feelings are expressed.

Mercury: symbolises communication, intellectual reasoning, and how you learn.

Venus: symbolises romance, aesthetics, how you socialize, and pleasure-seeking behaviours like shopping or sightseeing.

Mars: the source of your passion/drive/motivation. Symbolises where and how you expend your energy.

Retrograde: not a planet, just something the planets do sometimes. At some points in the year the planets look like they’re moving ‘backwards’ through the sky, and this alters their influence on the birth chart.

I think that’s probably enough but shoot me an ask if you’re curious/confused! I’m always happy to talk astrology (clearly lol)

Megumi... I always suspected he had scorpio influence somewhere in his chart and turns out I was right!! Not only scorpio venus but scorpio mars too?? I’m obsessed with this. Scorpio is a water sign (read: big on emotions), the embodiment of the phrase ‘still waters run deep’, and though scorpio placements are not always loud about their affection they tend to bond in a pretty intense way with their chosen people. Those venus and mars placements together really do speak of ride or die devotion - no wonder he’s Like That when it comes to Yuuji people he cares about.

His jupiter and saturn are both in retrograde; I would not have predicted it because I don’t think about natal retrograde all that much, but it actually makes a lot of sense imo. Retrograde jupiter usually indicates someone who is internally very philosophical in the sense that the person will define their own firm moral/ethical code instead of following a familial or societal belief system, which is pretty much megumi ‘I save people according to my own conscience’ fushiguro in a nutshell. While retrograde saturn is basically like. On the outside you’re stoic but on the inside you’re a worrywart, and you take responsibility Super Seriously but you also don’t like people with authority pushing you around needlessly. Which is also megumi in a nutshell lol.

His leo moon was a surprise but I honestly think it works for him because this is definitely where Unhinged Feral Megumi comes from: when he decides to go all out he gets such a flair for the dramatic. capricorn sun and capricorn mercury are pretty intuitive tbh, he really gives off capricorn vibes - practical, reserved, loyal, ambitious and tenacious, possessing a dry wit, capable of putting in steady hard work to get to where he wants to be.

I was already aware of Nobara’s leo sun because we’ve had their birth dates for a while now (birthplace is the new info which lets me draw the whole chart). But her cancer moon is such a lovely placement under that hard outer shell of hers. Nobara seems like she does not have a nurturing bone in her body, but it’s wrong to stereotype cancers as exclusively homebody motherly types - they have deep loyalty for their chosen family/home and they’ll go to the ends of the earth for those people in their own way whatever that may be... she really is a softie deep down 🥰 she really does care 🥰 thinkin about the end of her ch 125 flashback in this context

Nobara’s virgo mercury is actually kind of funny to me because while it indicates a natural gift for intellect and a talent for sorting out the fine details, it also has the potential to make someone a harsh critic who can nitpick and be quite blunt in stating their opinions... this is very Nobara, she does Not spare the feelings of anyone she is talking to lol.

Libra venus!! She has libra venus that’s so perfect!!! this placement is sophisticated and charming and always classy, these people adore that classic chocolates-and-roses romance but they turn love of all kinds into an art form. Traditionally the placement is also associated with people who care about beauty and harmony, who will go out of their way to look good for their companions. Also her leo mars... I love that. It’s really amplifying her bold outspoken flashy self-loving take-charge nature. Queen energy right here.

She has a bunch of natal retrogrades but the one I want to talk about is retrograde uranus... this one is Very fitting and again almost funny in the context of her character. You know how she’s always convinced she’s the only sane person in the room when actually she’s the unhinged one 24/7 and not self aware about that in the slightest? Yeah. That’s big retrograde uranus vibes.

Oh Yuuji... I could talk about your pisces sun all day 🥺 I could get Very technical and meta about the pisces association with the twelfth house and the fact that it’s ruled by neptune and what that says about his character, but I don’t have the room or the time so I’ll save that for another post. For now I’ll just say that the fact that he cares so deeply for others regardless of how well he knows them, the way he feels his feelings so intensely and is very intuituve/sensitive to others needs, him being interested in the occult before he ever found Sukuna’s fist finger, it all just seems more pisces to me than any other sign. And him having pisces mercury + pisces uranus in addition to his sun is also very sweet... our boy really thinks with his heart at all hours of the day doesn’t he?

His libra moon is such a fitting placement, too, because this moon is all about relationships - not just romance but bonds of all kinds, friends and family and companions of any sort. Yuuji as a character is so motivated by the bonds he shares with others and his desire to not be alone, especially on his deathbed. Libra moons are charming and personable and find it very easy to connect with others, they are deeply concerned with justice and will be accepting of everyone except for people who are cruel (exhibit a: just look how he responded to mahito). I think it’s a very apt moon for him to have.

Tbh if I were picking and choosing I might have loaded him up with yet more pisces energy and given him my favourite placement in the whole world, venus in pisces. But he actually has an aquarius venus and I think that’s so interesting! The part of this placement that speaks to his character for me is the way that aquarius venus love is defined by radical acceptance - there is never any judgement (I won’t judge you, Junpei!), because this venus seeks not only to see and understand but to be seen and understood in turn. Some say aquarius venus is an emotionally detached placement. I think that’s a mischaracterisation, but it is true that aquarius placements can be low key scared of intimacy and vulnerability even when they crave it lmao. An aquarius venus will sort through turmoil in their heart by retreating to think it over in isolation, rather than by submitting to the mortifying ordeal of being known and reaching out. Manga readers if u know u know

All I can say about his capricorn mars is that it definitely embodies that determined protagonist vibe. Thoughts like ‘I want to get stronger, I want to be the best, I’ll put in the work to come out on top’ are very capricorn thoughts to have, and the drive and forward momentum associated with mars really push them to the front of his character. But also, again; an underdeveloped capricorn mars under stress will shut out possibilities for connection with loved ones by dedicating themselves to their job or cause. Yuuji learn healthy coping mechanisms challenge 2k21.

#I’m surprised all the placements mapped on to the characters so well!#especially since I’m sure akutami was not manipulating their birthday/birthplace to fit western astrology #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #fushiguro megumi #megumi fushiguro #kugisaki nobara #nobara kugisaki #itadori yuuji #yuuji itadori #itadori yuji #yuji itadori #jjk meta #this was fun I can’t wait to do more once the official fan book comes out #jjk astrology #originalcontent #long post

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erotesianangel · 2 years

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Lmao

I went on a date today for the first time in seven years. It went well--he’s moving before too long so it won’t be a long-term affair and that’s probably good bc I don’t think we’d make it more than a few months at most anyway lol

But

My mom, with an established history of Not Handling It Appropriately when I date AND Paranoidly Overreacting to Me Interacting With People I Met Online, had to be fed a bullshit cover story in order to facilitate this, since I’m such a lifeless homebody that I don’t ever just. Go Out without some greater reason, and she’s too nosy to let me start that now.

And I guess she saw the guy drop me off, because she made it pretty clear she was onto me like, IMMEDIATELY when I walked through the door. I deflected, which she clearly didn’t buy, and has since barely said two sentences to me in the near-hour I’ve been home, instead just storming from place to place, doing one task after another with rage-fueled briskness.

She ALWAYS finds a way to ruin my happiness when I manage to have something like this, undercutting it to be all about whatever SHE’s unhappy about with the situation. But I’m so tired after all these months of financial hardship that I can’t bring myself to care. Watching her storm her way through the house with utterly-undeserved righteous indignation is almost funny to me.

I wanted ONE nice, fun evening of not having to be exhausted from work to pay HER bills or depressed bc she had to vent off her own stresses from our situation onto me, and I got it. She can fucking die mad about it.

It’s almost sad to think of the whiplash she’s going to get when I AM finally able to move out someday and she suddenly finds herself solidly at arm’s length without any self-awareness as to why I’m doing that.

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byuntrash101 · 3 years

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Cat, you're a capricorn, right? As a cap, which other astrological signs do you find the easiest and the hardest to get along with? And do you have any interest/like astrology?

Hi babyyyy 💖💖💖

First.... *inhales intensly* THANK YOU FOR TALKING ABOUT ASTROLOGY TO MEEEE

Yes I'm a proud Capricorn!! Being a cap as its ups and down (like every other sign tbh).

Soooooo let me break it down to you!!

Disclaimer: I am NOT an astrologer and what i'm saying is purely based on my (very) little knoledged and personnal experience.

Let's start with some FACTSSS about the Caps.

Most Caps are introverts (lol me). SOme can look extroverts but are actually just doing tremendous efforts to socialize. Think about other Cap idols like Kyungsoo or Jongin theyr are both clearly introverts but they are very sociable and fun around people they are comfortable with like yours truly.

Also caps have BOUNDARIES. They are independant creatures who don't fear being alone.

The thirs thing about being a Cap is that they are literally keeping EVERYTHING for themselves and always act tough/unbothered when they actually care deep down but they rather die in a isolated ditch like a wounded animal rather than actually ask for help.

That's why for instance i'm very uncomfortable with the idea of being vulnerable and always use humor to hide my negative emotions. I hate to admit that i need help so much that mys siter developped this technique where she won't ask if i need help and she will just provide it.

Now lets get down to it.

The sign I find I get along with easily :

Cancer: Cancers are not an easy sign to understand because they tend to be very sensitive and the cap is sometimes a little too honest but I think the dynamic we have with cancers is healthy. Also both us are homebodies we like to stay in and don't need a lot of friends ad lost of alone time. Thats why I love cancers

Scorpios: lemme tell you theseeee *mwah* a great match! they get our twitsted dark humor and they can even top it. Scorpios can be a little controlling for the independant cap but overall they both have to work on the same thing aka letting people in their (mushy) hearts cause scorpios can be even more secretive than the cap.

Taurus : maybe that one is only for me as a cap idk if it can applies to the others BUT taurus and me we share the same appeal for everything that is sExY i day dream about dirty things all day longggg and taurus do to haha. We share many of the same values as we are both earth signs only taurus can prove to be a LOT more social than us and also a LOT more hard headed (dont try to change the mind of a taurus)

Honorable mentions to : geminis and aquariuses and other caps

The sign I find more difficult to get along with :

Virgos : Virgos can be a little selfish which doesnt float with me. As the cap is shy to ask anything for themselves they need somebody that will be attentive towards that and virgos are mostly not. Also they can sort of know-it-all and the caps hates to be patronized

Leos : they are known for their big egos thats not for nothing. I think at the end we just hurt each other without thinking. Leos will be hurt when the cap is concentrating on themselves and their business and Cap will get annoyed when leo gets clingy when in fact they only want to share some love/friendship

Libra: what a cap values the most is being dependadable. every cap i know (including me) pride themselves on being always their for their friends/loved ones. They are RELIABLE. And libras they are the definition of free, most of them are scared of commitment which what a cap (all earth signs tbh) thrive on. Cap will feel like they make all the efforts to keep the relationship going and libras probs won't even realize they are draining the caps energy because it's just not a big deal to them.

Honorable mentions to : aries and pisces.

What it really gets down to

I think you can get along, (not necessarely be bff) with ANYBODY if everybody involed TRIES! You have to ackknoledge your own flaws and not only point out the ones of the others. That's a difficult exercice but it(s the best way to learn and gow.

SOOO I actually never judge based on the zodiac sign!!!! I honestly can get along with everyone mostly because i am easy going (or at least i like to belive that haha)

Also, some people are just assholes regardless of their zodiac signs... and thats that on that.

THANK YOUUUUUUU for asking that it was really fun thinking about all of this.

It also kinda gave me an idea ofr a ff.... I'll see. Now i have too many things going on haha

#ask #thank you

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thecreelhouse · 4 years

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sweet spot \\ part 1

Paring: Steve Harrington x Original Female Character (Lex)

Word count: 4,803

Summary: modern AU where Robin tells Steve about cam girls, and he falls hard for a stranger on the internet. Modern romance! This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve written yet, sorry, not sorry. Smut, obviously. But it’s cute, too. Part one of two!

Warnings: language, webcamming, smut, low-key daddy kink, that’s it basically

A/N: got this ridiculous idea last week while listening to doja cat’s cyber sex, and here we are? I haven’t written any sort of smut~~~ in like.... 8 years. Sorry if it’s obvious how rusty I am lmfao. Aged the characters up just a tad, too, but it is talked about like all the events of ST happened, just in present times lol. Separated into 2 parts bc it’s so lengthy. Hope y’all enjoy it at least lol. If not, just uhhh... ignore this. Title is from “sweet spot” by Kim Petras!! btw, for real, shoutout to all sex workers, y’all hustle harder than anyone.

Friday nights are usually meant for going out, partying, the usual reckless shit that most mid-twenty year olds get into. Another Friday night had rolled around, though, and it was another one that Steve was spending home alone.

It’s not that he didn’t have any friends- he ended up moving out of Hawkins with his best friend, Robin, and they’ve been roommates for several years now in the city. After high school, and wandering college and career options- all failed attempts- he decided it was just best to enjoy life in the moment, stop worrying so damn much about what his parents wanted for him, and move out. It could’ve been better, but he struggled with the majority of his generation, without the work they wanted, with or without a degree.

So, he’s made the best of what he could since. And even years later, he’s not too sure how to spend his downtime now that it’s not filled up with chasing after unhinged teens who have taken it upon themselves far too many times to become monster hunters. How do you go from protecting a bunch of kids (protecting- more like, taking sucker punches for everyone, literally), to having too much free time for yourself. Is that even possible?

Steve was flopped on the couch in his and Robin’s apartment, mindlessly scrolling through movie options on whatever streaming service had the best choices these days. His thoughts were clearly elsewhere, as nothing seemed like a good enough distraction.

It’s not even that he minded being such a homebody these days; it saved money, and it was an easy going life compared to the bizarre events he stumbled through in Hawkins years ago. It was peaceful, quiet. Sometimes, a little too quiet, though.

Steve never liked to admit it, but he was lonely these days. Robin saw right through him, though, and would manage to drag him out to the bar some nights, trying to be the best wing-woman she could be, but no one ever caught his interest anymore. Everyone was too similar to other girls he’s dated before, or didn’t want anything serious at all, or found him to be too clingy- the list could go on, really. He tried to ignore it altogether, as it just made him feel worse.

It was easier to spend time alone when you couldn’t break your own heart.

Sure, sometimes, the occasional one night stands weren’t the worst if Steve was in the mood, but that was even hard to be excited for these days. He was tired of how empty it felt, and longed for that intimacy with someone he was really, truly connected with. Not just for looks and small talk.

And, alright, fine, sure, he didn’t need a relationship and sex and all that in between, nobody necessarily needs it, but it didn’t mean he didn’t want more with someone genuine. Someone he could care about. Someone he could love.

Breaking his familiar cycle of lonely thoughts, Robin slammed the door open, laughing to herself and stumbling through the doorway.

“Well, at least one of us had a good Friday night,” Steve thought to himself, shaking his head at his best friend.

“Steeeeeeve,” Robin slurred, skipping over after she kicked her shoes across the apartment.

“Robin.” Steve deadpanned, and Robin’s cheery, drunk smile flipped into a frown. She dropped to the other side of the couch, studying his face, wondering what had him upset tonight.

“You shoulda’ gone out, it was lotsa’ fuuuuun!” She giggled, curling under a throw blanket. “Lotsa’ pretty girls. You missed out.”

Steve hummed to himself, rolling his eyes at Robin. “Did I? Not like you came home with anyone.”

Robin lightly smacked his arm, “Hey! Dingus. Maybe I didn’t want to bring anyone home. Kinda depressing when you’re here moping around all alone and shit.”

“Gee, thanks, Rob.”

“I just think you should get out more! You’re not gonna meet the love of your life wasting away on this couch.” She grumbled, arms crossing. “You don’t have to keep binge watching these shows alone, you know. Bet there’s some cute girl out there that looooooves being a homebody just as much as you do.”

“You say it like it’s a bad thing. Some people like going out, some people don’t. It is what it is.” He countered, and she scoffed back.

“Say that as much as you want, but it’s not gonna get you laid-“ Robin’s smartass comment was cut short by Steve throwing a pillow at her head. “- god, you’re so moody lately too. You definitely need to get laid.”

“Shut up, dingus.” He said, going back to scrolling through the tv choices again. Robin stole the remote back from him, though.

“That’s my line!” She snapped, laughing. Steve cracked a smile before diving headfirst into another pillow, wanting this conversation to end. “Jesus, would you at least leave this couch today? Go read a book, knit a hat, watch some porn-“

“Robin!” Now he really wished this conversation would end.

“Well I’m not the one who’s got all this,” Robin threw her arms wildly over her head as she continued, “pent up frustration, or energy, or whatever!”

Steve sighed before mumbling, still face first in the pillow, “I hate even talking about this,” his head finally turned a little, only so he didn’t suffocate, “but not even that is exciting for me anymore.”

Robin rolled her eyes, at his dramatics. “Steve, as your best friend, your wing-woman, and roommate, please, go fucking hook up with someone already. Your stress is stressing me out! I mean, for fucks sake, go watch a cam girl or something if you don’t like going out anymore.”

Steve’s head turned more, finally sitting back up with brows furrowed in confusion. “A what?”

Robin mirrored his expression, “Dude, it’s 2020. How do you not know what a cam girl is?”

Steve sat, clueless, eyes darting away, then back at Robin, “No?”

Rolling her eyes, she got up, still wrapped in the blanket like a burrito, and headed to the kitchen area. Steve wasn’t sure if he should follow or not, until she began to yell out an explanation, while rummaging around the fridge.

“It’s like, the new wave of sex workers, independent from the shittier side of the porn industry, cute as hell,” she rambled on, pulling multiple things from the fridge, before opening them all on the counter. Steve eventually made his way over, noticing among her large mess- half full carton of orange juice (he’d definitely have to get a new one that she didn’t directly drink out of), a tub of ice cream, and grape tomatoes. He was forever puzzled by Robin’s drunk snack choices.

“So, people watch these girls, and then they tip them, and that’s how they make bank. It’s admirable as hell, they’ve got guts and more money than I’d ever see at once in my life. Sex work is real work, man.” Robin continued, hiccuping a bit.

“Tip them for what?”

“To play bingo with the viewers- no, you fuckin dingus- what do you think?” Her sarcasm had an extra edge when she was drunk, but it was still funny to Steve. “I mean, sure, sometimes they just hang out. Do whatever. But usually, obviously-“

“Okay, okay, yep, I got the point. Geez, Robin, sorry not all of us have this knowledge on hand.” Steve quipped back. Robin got up, wrapping the blanket closer, leaving her mess on the counter.

“Here-“ she pulled her phone out, searched with sleepy eyes, and then sent a link to his phone, “- have a fuckin’ blast. You’re welcome. I’m going to sleep.”

And with that, Robin padded down the hall to her room, leaving Steve completely baffled by this unheard world of cam girls, and of course, leaving her kitchen mess for him to deal with, as well.

Unable to reach sleep some time later, Steve tossed and turned in his bed. Frustrated, he pulled his phone off the nightstand, and opened the text from Robin with the link she sent earlier. Hesitantly, his thumb hovered above the screen, wondering if this was something he even wanted to see.

“Guess it can’t hurt to look if I can’t sleep.” He thought, and opened the link. It loaded to a site that was a platform for those who wanted to cam model, and those who wanted to watch. So many links, categories, and thumbnails of really, really pretty girls. They didn’t look like the ones in those cringeworthy adult films, plastic and unrealistic- which, was fine if someone wanted to look that way, it just wasn’t really what he found attractive.

These girls were all in different poses, some wearing outfits that complimented their body shape, some wearing nothing at all. Steve sucked in a breath before locking his phone and throwing it down next to him on the bed.

“This is ridiculous. What the fuck am I doing?”

A few more minutes passed, and sleep still was nowhere to be found, so he reluctantly picked his phone up again, and started scrolling once more. A part of him felt wrong for this, it felt a little too realistic, like these were all just your average “girls next door” and he was looking where he shouldn’t. But another part of him wanted to see more, and let curiosity pull him in further.

Steve’s eyes fell on a thumbnail of a girl that stood out among the rest to him. Hesitantly, he clicked the link, and it opened to a live video of a young woman, he assumed around his age. She was stunning, to say the least, with long, silver and lavender hair, but maybe that was a wig... ? He couldn’t tell for sure, but regardless, she looked like a faerie or some cute shit like that. The girl wore a lacy, babydoll cut dress, thigh highs, and her skin shimmered among the lighting in the room around her. Her surroundings reflected how cute she was, as she was laid across a pink couch, lollipop in hand, like she was casually hanging out with friends. Pop music played softly in the background as she lip synced along.

It took a few minutes for Steve to figure out how the chat worked, and that it was easier to take everything in on a full screen rather than his phone, and opened up the chat room that belonged to the girl- her username was just as cutesy, PeachyKitten- on his laptop from there.

“I see some of you still lurking about, don’t be shy! We’re just hangin’ out tonight.” The girl said while twirling the lollipop through her fingers. Her voice sounded heavenly to Steve. His eyes fixated on her glossy, plush lips as she spoke, and wondered how it felt to kiss someone like her, how it felt to have lips like hers around his-

“Oh, thank you!” The girl replied to one of the viewers tipping her, just because. Her sweet voice shook Steve from the path his thoughts began to go down, feeling embarrassed for himself.

“I wasn’t really planning on playing tonight, but I did get new toys, so...” she left the camera frame for a moment, rustling in the background before coming back in view, with several vibrantly colored toys piled in her arms.

Steve’s eyes grew wide as he watched her flaunt and flash different toys used for who knows what, senses overwhelmed as his mind raced while he also tried to listen to her talk on.

“I have an idea- let’s play a fun game. Q&A? You guys ask me stuff while I play, and we’ll see how well I can focus and how long I can last, yeah?” The girl’s innocent features twisted just a bit into a devilish smirk. “Each tip you guys make sends the vibrator’s power up juuuust a little higher.”

Steve felt how hard he was already against his sweatpants, and wondered just how long he had been hard for already. This random girl from the internet was about to be the death of him, and she hadn’t even actually done anything sexual yet.

Exhaling deeply, he threw a hand through his hair, wondering just what the hell he got himself into here, before biting the bullet and finally entering info to sign up for an account. He joined into the chat just in time for the girl to start her Q&A game.

“Let’s lay down some rules, okay? Nothing personal and obviously invasive- like where I live or some shit, creeps.” She giggled. “Otherwise... all questions, sexual or not, are free game. Ask away, and I’ll answer as best as I can! You guys control the power of the vibrator with the tips, got it? By the way, I see some new cuties joined in, so hi there! My name’s Lex, let’s get to know each other.”

Lex winked into the camera, turning up the charm she held. Steve’s eyes fell away from her for a second as he saw the chat box speed up with activity, people already spamming with their questions, others just saying nice things about Lex. A few vulgar, disgusting comments floated through every now and then, but they were quickly blocked by Lex, without letting her positive mood falter on camera.

Repositioning herself, Lex moved onto her knees while on the couch, lifting her dress just a bit, revealing nothing underneath. Steve’s breath hitched in his throat as he held back a moan from involuntary slipping out. He noticed how curvy and a little squishier her body was, not like the models most guys his age drooled over. Lex showed off the bottom half of her body confidently, even with her stretch marks and imperfections in full view. All Steve could think about was how good it would feel if her thighs were wrapped around his he-

“Alrighty, first question-“ Lex started, pulling Steve from his thoughts turning dirty again. Flipping the vibrator onto the lowest setting, she gently ran it along the folds of her center, teasingly. “- Oh! I like this one- ‘what’s my favorite thing to pass time with’-“

Before she could answer, a moan slipped past her soft lips, and a chime echoed through the speakers of Steve’s laptop. Someone had tipped Lex, and sure enough, the vibrator automatically kicked up a notch, causing the pause in her voice.

Lex bit her lip, a bit dazed, trying to regain focus on answering the viewer’s question. “I love staying in, honestly. Like, I enjoy adventures, too, but there’s not much more I love than staying home in comfy cozy PJs, watching movies! Or reading. Sometimes, painting, too.”

Lex managed to finish her answer before a soft groan escaped her throat. She leaned back against the couch, legs up, showing full view of how wet she was, and it wasn’t until then that Steve wondered when the hell he started palming himself this hard, and for how long.

Another chime rang through, and the speed of the vibrator went up again, causing Lex’s head to fall back onto the couch as she moaned. A small ‘fuck’ made its way through the speakers, and Steve was sure he could have came right then and there.

“You guys are making this challenging from the start, huh?” She said, voice breathy and face flushed red. With one hand holding the vibrator on her clit, her free hand traveled up her body, playing softly with her breasts, trying to read another question. “What’s my favorite animal? Probably bunnies! They’re so adorable!”

Steve was floored with how Lex could multitask. Robin wasn’t kidding when she said sex work was real work.

Feeling a little more at ease as time passed, Steve typed in a question, remembering something she mentioned earlier: “what do u like to paint?”

Instantly he began second guessing himself, wondering if that was a boring question at a time like this. But only a second passed before Lex read his question out loud, answering with: “all kinds of stuff! I’m not very good at it, but I��m learning you don’t have to be good at something-“

Another chime, another tip, another notch up on the vibrator. Lex moaned out, louder this time, echoing in the room she was in. Without thinking, Steve’s hand reached down under his waistband, desperate for some sort of touch, even if it was his own. Slowly, he began stroking his length, letting his own moans tumble out of his mouth.

“- if- if you want to enjoy it!” Lex managed to finish, shaky, but still managed to get the sentence out. Steve felt overwhelmed; excited, because Lex answered his question, and excited, watching her struggle to get the answers out against her whines and moans.

Barely missing the sound of the chime over his own heavy breathing, Steve just caught it in time, watching Lex’s body begin to shake, a string of whimpers following.

“I- god- that feels so fucking good.” Lex moaned out, tugging at her nipples through the fabric of her dress. Steve watched her through hooded eyes, wiggling out of his sweatpants for a better grip on his member.

“I’m so close, so so close-“ Another whine escaped Lex, and Steve could feel himself getting closer to the edge in time with her. With his free, shaky, hand, he tipped her quickly, not paying much attention to the numbers he entered; he just wanted to push her to the edge, too.

The chime followed quickly after, and before Lex could even thank him, she began to ride out her high on camera, whimpers and moans traveling through the speaker to Steve, who was also riding out his orgasm at the same time. His eyes almost fell closed, but he couldn’t look away from how gorgeous Lex looked as her climax took over her body, making the end of his high that much sweeter.

“Holy shit,” Lex breathed out, sprawled out on her couch. “You guys are too good to me.”

As Steve came back down, he instantly felt a strange sort of shame he had never felt after anything sexual. Present time coming back into focus, he slammed his laptop shut, not watching Lex say goodnight.

Shame fell heavy on his mind, feeling dirty, but he was way too exhausted to think about it tonight, and let sleep overcome him quickly.

———

Sunlight poured into Steve’s room, and he immediately buried himself deeper in the covers, not ready to wake up yet. His body felt exhausted, still, and it didn’t take long for him to remember why.

The shame he felt the night before flooded back, and he was lost as to why he even felt it. It felt like an invasion of privacy, watching Lex’s show, but it wasn’t necessarily wrong. It was her job, after all, and he did tip like you should, so what was the problem?

“Shit. How much did I even send her?”

Steve pulled his laptop back open, refreshing the window, and seeing in his payments he sent-

“I’m a fucking dingus.” He groaned out loud to himself. There, in plain, bold text, was the number $100- definitely not $10 like he had thought he typed in. He guessed it was only fair, since $10 wasn’t a whole lot in the long run. He wasn’t sure what the proper etiquette was for cam girls, and wasn’t sure if there was any at all.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he noticed the message box on his account had a notification. Confused, he clicked it-

PeachyKitten: hi cutie! Thank you so much for the generous tip last night! Most newcomers don’t do that, so I really appreciate it! Let’s chat and play soon- one on one, okay?

-lex <3

Steve felt his regret fade away reading the message, but only for a moment. “She has to be nice- this is how she makes a living. I can’t get caught up thinking I’m special, or some shit.”

Still, he didn’t feel as bad as he originally did, and it wasn’t like he was spending that money on going out or anything...

Stretching, he noticed how hard he was again, and sighed, annoyed at himself. This stranger on the internet had him swooning already. He just wanted to learn more about her, and it didn’t hurt that she made him weak in the knees just with that smile.

Steve replied back quickly, trying to play it cool, and hoped time would pass fast until they got to chat again.

———

Palms clammy with sweat, Steve waited for Lex to reply back, giving the okay to start video chatting. She said she needed a minute, and that minute felt like an eternity. It had been all day, and he was grateful he had off this weekend to laze around and wait for a dreamy, internet stranger. He felt like a fool, but he couldn’t control himself. He was hooked.

A gentle chime rang out, and the call screen came up on Steve’s laptop. Hesitating before answering, he gave it a moment, trying not to seem desperate, and finally picked up. His screen loaded, showing himself in the smaller corner, buried in a cozy hoodie and sweats. Lex’s screen loaded after, and she wore a loose tank top, large cardigan, and pajama shorts, like she was enjoying a cozy day at home, the way she said she liked.

“Hi, cutie!” She beamed, giving her well known innocent smile. Steve felt his stomach do flips, not sure what to say or do, completely speechless as his jaw dropped open, and no sound fell out.

Lex giggled at his stunned silence. “You okay over there, Steve?”

Steve cleared his throat, growing red in the face, forgetting for a second his name is on his profile and wondered how the hell she knew it at first. “Y-yeah, sorry, I just- I don’t- I’ve never done this before- any of this-“

“Don’t be nervous! We’re just hanging out, right?” Lex took over so casually and comfortably, like she wasn’t chatting with one of her customers. “How are you?”

“I- I’m good, y-yourself?”

“I’m alright, still in a good mood from last night.” Lex smirked, looking off, before looking back into the camera. “I just wanted to personally thank you, you didn’t have to tip so much. I usually don’t ask for personal calls first, I let boys earn ‘em. But you had me wondering.”

Steve felt his face grow even deeper in the shade of red from earlier, “Wondering what?”

“Just who you are. What you’re about. You learned about me last night, I was wondering what there is to learn about you.” Lex replied, twirling the ends of her hair- and sure enough, it was still the silver and lavender mix.

“Well, uh...” Steve paused, not sure how to answer that. “I’m not- I don’t want anything from you- if that’s how this all came across. I’m not expecting anything. You- you’re just really cute and uh- god I’m so bad at this-”

“You’re fine, it’s okay! I’m sorry if I made you nervous, putting you on the spot like this. If anything, I just wanted to say thank you.” Lex said, smiling genuinely. Even if it was a mistake, Steve didn’t regret how much he tipped her now. If anything, it made her happy.

“If anything, I should be thanking you, I didn’t know what I was getting into... but I liked it.”

“Oh? Well I’m glad you did.” Lex said, blushing a bit.

“I’ve been in a weird funk lately and- Jesus Christ, why am I telling you this- sorry.”

“Don’t be, I’m glad I could take your mind off of things for a little while, at least.” Lex smiled, “I can do it again, if you want. Here, download this.”

A link popped up in the message box; it opened a download for an app to wirelessly control a vibrator. Steve’s breath stopped short, eyes now fixed on Lex’s lips as she bit the bottom one, and his eyes grew dark, thoughts headed elsewhere.

One thing led to another, and clothes were lost- Steve’s mind went haywire over how beautiful Lex was- while the once awkward air was now filled with gasps and moans, and although Lex was so much more experienced than he was, his confidence didn’t falter back. Slowly, he grew more comfortable in this bizarre situation, where he was in control of the toy she used on herself, from who knows how fucking far away.

Lex gasped sharply as Steve turned the power up higher, causing her to reach the edge. “I’m c-close, daddy.” She managed to stutter out, and that sent Steve even closer to his edge, moaning out. Lex didn’t seem to be phased by the name slipping out, engulfed in her own pleasure. With a free hand, he switched the vibrator up even higher, sending Lex above and beyond her limits.

Steve followed close behind her, groaning out a “good girl” towards Lex, and that surprised himself. He watched as she rode out her high, naturally glowing as she let herself go, and he could have sworn he saw her lips twist up at the sound of the nickname. It was all more than enough to send Steve through his own climax, and hard.

Skin tinted shades of pink and red, Lex fell back against her couch, just like the night before, trying to catch her breath, a sweet smile appearing across her face. Something about how she presented herself as someone real, not bouncing back up right away like a machine, not shutting off her emotions- because Lex was a real, living, breathing person- got to Steve. Not acting, not faking it. As if they weren’t held apart by this technology barrier. It was a whole new world for Steve, and he just wanted more.

“Gimme a second.” Lex croaked out with a raspy, tired voice. Softly laughing, she was still lying back on her couch, exhausted. “I didn’t think you’d crank it that high up.”

Steve, also trying to catch his breath, laughed, feeling his face heat up. “Sorry, I didn’t think a lot of things were going to happen that did, so...”

A beat passed before Lex sat up, face still flushed as she gazed into the camera, then eyes flickering to Steve onscreen. “Like what?”

“‘Daddy’, huh?” He chuckled, still trying to catch his breath. Lex bit her lip, looking away.

“Yeah, well, you’re the one who called me a good girl, so, I don’t wanna hear it.” She countered back, causing heat to rise to Steve’s face again.

Still feeling somewhat confident and brave enough, he let his softer side show through to Lex, “I- is it- okay if I say I wish I was there right now?”

“For what, cutie?” Lex asked back, voice still sweet as pie.

“Sorry- I’m just a real sap I guess-“

“Don’t apologize.” Lex interjected before taking a breath. “I wish you were here too, I could definitely use some cuddling right now.”

“I just- I wasn’t sure if that was, like, overstepping boundaries, I guess.”

“Usually, I don’t hang out after a session like this... but, you’re cute. Really cute, Steve. Do you mind hanging out a little longer? Unless you’ve got somewhere to be or-“

“No! I mean, no, I don’t have anywhere to be right now.” He corrected quickly before continuing. “I’m kind of a homebody these days.”

Like they didn’t just fuck over the webcam, the conversation began to naturally shift, as if they were just in the same room with one another. Lex’s face lit up a bit, “See, I knew there’s stuff about you that I wanted to discover! What’s your favorite movie lately? Wait- hold that thought, I wanna clean up first, and then you better have an answer when I’m back!”

After they both were cleaned up and in new, comfy clothes- Lex’s hair seemed to magically change from the silvery mix to, long, bouncy brunette curls (Steve realized he was right, it was a wig, probably to conceal her real identity just a little online)- they both began to just talk, get to know each other, like they didn’t get to know each other through a webcam site. Steve felt the nervousness continue to fall away as he and Lex carried on conversation, watching her facial expressions change as she talked so animatedly, so bubbly, excited over the simple things in her life. She listened intently whenever Steve talked about his likes and dislikes, bonding over how similar they were in so many interests.

Steve made a mental note to thank Robin later for pushing him to try this whole webcam thing out.

#i’ll post part two later!! maybe tonight?? idk if anyone’s gonna even care for this LOL #steve harrington x oc #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x ofc #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington smut #steve harrington fluff #modern!au #webcam!au #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things x reader #stranger things x oc #stranger things x you #sweet spot #my fics

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lovemesomesurveys · 3 years

Text

Do you like bacon? Nope.

Have you ever wished for something to come true and it did? When I was a kid, sure. Like, “I wish my mom would get me McDonald’s for lunch today” and she did. ha.

Do you like Rammstein? I’ve heard of them, but I’m not familiar with their music. It’s a German band, right?

Do you know a friend of a friend? I don’t have any friends now, but yeah I’ve known friends of friends.

Do you smile for no reason? It sounds creepy worded like that.

if somebody paid you a million dollars to get a green mohawk would you? Gahhh. A million bucks, huh...

Ever had a BLT? Did you like it? Nope. I don’t like bacon, for one. We’ve established that. Second, I don’t like lettuce or tomato on my sandwiches or burgers, sooo. That doesn’t leave much else.

Are you in College? No, I graduated back in 2015. I’m glad I managed to finish before shit hit the fan with me.

Have you ever been to a State Fair? No.

Do you like Youtube? I do.

If so whats your favorite channel? I have several favorite ASMRists and vloggers I follow.

Do you enjoy compulsively cleaning electronics? I do kind of enjoy cleaning underneath the keys on my laptop.

What is your favorite small dog breed? Teacup Maltese dogs are adorable. They’re way too tiny, though. I prefer medium size doggos. I think it’s because I’m in a wheelchair and they’re the perfect height for me.

Do you smell bacon cooking? No. Clearly, you like bacon.

Have you ever bitten anything for any unknown reason? What was it? I don’t go biting random things. I’m not even someone who bites things to open them.

Do you like the movie "The Master Of Disguise"? I’ve never seen it, I just have a vague memory of some bald guy in a green suit I think saying, “turtle, turtle.” lol.

What is the closest thing to you thats red? My hair. Well, part of it. :X I’m so overdue.

Have you ever gone into a toystore just to play with the toys? When I was a kid. That reminds me, my dad worked at the mall when I was a kid and sometimes he’d take me to work with him and let me pick out some toys at the toy store to play with in the break room. It was fun.

When was the last time you went through a Mcdonalds Playplace? When I was a little kid. So disgusting imagining that knowing stuff as an adult now. Ew.

Do you have an annoying dog? No. I probably annoy her, haha.

What was the first comic book you ever had an obsession over? I was never into comic books.

Do you like kids pop-up books? Aw, I loved those as a kid.

Does anybody else think bugs are cool and interesting? Most certainly NOT me.

What kind of toothpaste do you use? Sensodyne.

Do you own a pair of striped socks? Yeah.

What is the most random thing in your bedroom? I’ll go with the 4ft giraffe in the corner that’s wearing a Santa hat. haha.

In a normal conversation do you slip out Latin? Uh, no?

Can you sing? Nope.

If so, what is the highest note you can reach?

Have you ever been to the cream cheese capital of the world? No.

Was this survey random? Sure.

Have you ever been in a parade? Nope.

What is your mothers, mothers maiden name? I am not sharing that.

Do you have a different hairstyle? My hairstyle is very common and boring. There isn’t even a style to it, honestly.

Am I annoying yet? At times. I don’t feel well, though, so I’m just not in the mood.

Do you like soybeans? I haven’t had actual soybeans. Do you press buttons just to see what they do? No. You could blow up the world or something.

Do you still play pokemon? No. I very briefly got into the Pokemon Go thing back when that was all the rage, but it was very short lived. It’s not much fun for homebodies, ha.

What is your favorite pokemon? Jigglypuff! <<< I always say that, too.

Have you ever put blue streaks in your white cats hair? I’ve never had a cat, but I wouldn’t do that if I did.

Are you blond? Nope.

Does it bother you when people have a collar turned up? I don’t care.

Are your nails painted? If so, what color? If not, do you like nail polish? Nope. I haven’t painted my nails in years. Not that there’s ever much nail to paint anyway.

Are you awesome? Nope.

As a kid did you like Barney, Baby Bop, or DJ more? Baby Bop.

Have you been to the Bzoink Forums yet? No, I never go on Bzoink.

Does any key on your computer and or laptop stick? Nope.

Does fire excite you? No, I’m a scardy cat.

Have you ever sung in a choir? Yeah, a few years in elementary school.

Do you go to church? I attend the live streams.

Have you ever had a theme(pirate, ninja, civil war) day Spirit Days or Weeks at work, sure. <<< Same, but at school.

Can you touch your tongue to your nose? Nope.

Have you ever been to Philadelphia PA? No.

Do you think Orlando Bloom is hot? I’m personally not attracted to him.

Do you think Twilight is over-rated? I was a big Twi-nerd back when the books and movies were coming out. I grew out of it, though.

When was the last time you where sick? what did you have? I have an infection currently that I’m on antibiotics for.

What is your favorite number? 8 - I like the way that it’s shaped. <<< Saaaame.

Look at your toes. No.

If you are a girl do you hate girl drama? I like celebrity drama.

If you are a guy do you hate girls who prolong the drama?

ZZZ, im tired....are you? Always.

Favorite indie music group? I don’t have one favorite.

Have you ever pet a monkey? No.

Have you ever ridden a camel? No.

Have you ever punched somebody? Only very lightly like on the arm in a playful way.

Do you like cupcakes? I do. Orange or lemon flavoring? Lemon.

Can you sing opera? Nopeee.

Touchpads or Mouse's? Touchpad. I haven’t used a mouse since the early 2000s.

Have you ever been to a Disney theme park? I’ve been to Disneyland a few times. I love it.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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sandushengshou · 4 years

Text

Quarantine Q&A

Tagged by @jeynepoole and @richarrdmadden ty! 😉

Are you staying home from work/school?

Yep! I’m giving classes via zoom and it’s been... an experience. Someone keeps showing up without a shirt. During the last class, another student was clearly playing a video game at the same time. Shame? They don’t have it.

If you’re staying home, who’s there with you?

I am staying with my sister, so it’s a bit crowded here with her husband and kid. My mom. My dog.

Are you a homebody?

Oh yes, I love being home and this whole quarantine would not suck as much as it has if I was stuck in my own apartment.

What movies have you watched recently? What shows are you watching?

I rewatched Train to Busan and some other movie I can’t remember. It clearly wasn’t good since I already forgot about it. I started a TWD rewatch a couple of weeks ago but I stopped somewhere in the middle of S2. I long for the day I return home and can start again on all the shows I’m missing. Like Picard!! I need my boyfriend Cristobal Rios back in my life.

An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

Insurance taking care of my apartment!!! Does that count? The whole process of restoring my apartment so it’s habitable again after the fire got delayed and it sucks.

What music are you listening to?

Like, right this minute? IAMX. I’ve been listening a lot to IAMX lately. And spanish music.

What are you reading?

Nada by Carmen Laforet

What are you doing for self-care?

Resting as much as I can. I got hit by the virus and while I was sort of fine at first, it turned ugly during the last couple weeks. Bad enough that I was quietly making my peace with my imminent death. I was bedbound for most of that time since the hospital basically gave me oxygen and sent me home with some well wishes not to die. I feel better now though and while I’m still a bit sick, I am confident I will recover. Hopefully! Especially because Final Fantasy VII Remake is finally in my hands and I need to play it. Been playing it for a day now so I guess that is now my self-care lol. Nothing else besides my dog is making me happy at this point.

Tagging @smilecapsules @garcianunier @danieljradcliffe @midnightinjapan @cleoselene and YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO DO THIS. Just say I tagged you.

#meme stuff

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heizerux · 4 years

Text

Quarantine Q&A

Tagged by @ladyotakukiut ! Thank you!!! ^_^

Are you staying home from work/school?

Yup. I still have online meetings in the mornings I attend but I haven’t stepped foot outside in a long time.

If you’re staying home, who’s there with you?

Currently the cat.

What movies have you watched recently?

Ooo (don’t judge) but I’ve recently been on a horror-film craze lately given that I haven’t watched a decent horror film in a while since the game has been pretty stale. I watched Tusk (it’s funny yet disturbing. Not my fave tho), Midsommar, Hereditary (these were disturbingly good), Parasite (more of symbolic thriller but overall a masterpiece) and Gonjiam: Haunted Asylum to make a few (I liked this one cause it’s based on true events and I actually screamed ;D) I kind of want to watch Antrum since it doesn’t seem scary but I’m not sure if these ppl claiming to suddenly be haunted after watching it are serious or just really good compositors 👀

What shows are you watching?

Hmm, I recently finished Derry Girls. Before that I was watching Kingdom (WATCH THIS) and Tiger King (those ppl are something else lol). I honestly have a lot of K-Dramas and anime I should get back to.

Are you a homebody?

I kind of am, but if I’m honest I miss constantly moving from place to place. It’s comfortable and all but I just feel weird being home all the time suddenly.

An event you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

LOTS of concerts 👀. But I also really wanted to go to this year’s Rodeo. I had a lot of fun last year.

What music are you listening to?

A little of anything at the moment. Some EDM, some rock. I’ll say Doja Cat and The Weeknd have been making bangers as usual UwU

What are you reading?

Not Even Bones, True Beauty, Lore Olympus, and The Cursed Princess Club to name a few. These are all line webtoons >.<

What are you doing for self-care?

Taking a lot of “creative” me time. I’ve briefly picked up drawing again, I finished the FFVII and RE3 Remakes during this time. I clearly still play ACNH. Sometimes I experiment more with makeup. I also gave in to downloading tiktok since I miss vine and it’s been surprisingly not bad. Overall, it’s been pretty boring lol

Tell us how you’ve all been: @bowser14456 @chatalyst @mari-cheres @chatnoirinette @gale-of-the-nomads @sparklyaxolotlstudent @veroocasanova and anyone else!!

#feel free to ignore #feel free to interact #tag game #quarantine q&a

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kashmakash · 4 years

Text

Quarantine tag

I was tagged by the awesome @ferociouspompom. Thanks for the tag! :)

Are you staying home from work/home? I’m working from home. Miss my team so much 😭😭😭😭

If you are staying home, who is with you? My parents! We’re getting along well... surprisingly.

Are you a homebody? I am an in-betweener. I can spend days at home but I miss my Friday night outs with my colleagues or simple brunches or dinners with my friends.

An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled: I was planning a trip to Bali with a friend... clearly that’s not gonna happen for a while lol. Thankfully we hadn’t booked anything.

What movies did you watch recently? Blended (2014), and nothing else because Crash Landing On You has taken over my life 🙃

What shows are you watching? Lol, Crash Landing On You. And this 1980′s Hindi sitcom called Yeh Jo Hai Zindagi.

What music are you listening to? A lot of soft pops while I am working, or just soothing pianos when I am cooking. And a lot of the instrumentals from Crash Landing On You (I am sorry but this is amazing ok??)

What are you reading? My study material lol.

What are you doing for self care? Er... not much. Just eating a lot hahah. I am trying to build a skincare and exercise routine, but am failing miserably at it.

I’ll tag @hedevimaiyya and @m0hinii and anyone else who sees this on their dash and wants to do it :)

#me #ask meme #personal

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izzy-b-hands · 4 years

Text

Every Road Leads to an End, Pt. 1

Y’all had to know this was coming at some point lol. My first Kingsman fic, this one in particular set Post-Golden Circle. I’ve got a lot more planned, for this time period plus during each movie and in between, but for now, I think this is a good start.

A forewarning that I’m taking canon and making it what I want, because while I love the movies dearly, there’s also a good number of things I’d have maybe done differently, or at least messed about with and considered changing. For one, the little pup Eggsy gets Harry in Golden Circle? He’s around again, because I wanted to know what happened to the puppy. I named him PJ, for Pickle, JR (after dear Mr. Pickle.)

So, here that is!

My love to all who read/like/reblog!

“You texted me, and I quote, ‘Major emergency, come quickly.’ This-”

“Is an emergency,” Harry finished.

Eggsy stared down at PJ, who was wagging his tiny tail happily. “This is dog-sitting. I thought there was a mission, and I’m only supposed to be called back in the event of that or-.”

“There is, this!”

“Okay, and where are you off to then? If there isn’t a mission, aside from watching your dog,” Eggsy asked as he picked up PJ.

“I...have a date.”

“You have...where did you meet...I have so many questions,” Eggsy said.

“And they will have to wait; I am already late. Thank you for arriving so promptly, instructions are on the fridge regarding PJ’s dinner and bedtime, and I’ve left you money for your dinner,” Harry was like a bullet on track to its target, walking fast enough Eggsy could hardly keep up as he followed him to his bedroom.

“Oi! Now I get to ask at least one question before you go.”

“Fine, one. Then I need to finish dressing; I cannot find the right color pocket square I need-”

“I’ll help you find it if you answer,” Eggsy interrupted. “Where’d you meet her?”

“Him.”

“Okay, him. Where was it? I mean, you’re something of a homebody, when you aren’t working-”

“I am not,” Harry scoffed, and turned to rifle through the pile of folded pocket squares tossed on his bed. “I do things.”

“You texted me a week ago, and I quote-”

“That is quite enough of my quotes, I think.”

“You keep interrupting like that; I’ll just find more of them. Anyway, as I was saying, you said ‘lots of excitement tonight, saw a fox in the garden.’ I mean...Harry.”

“Are you going to help me find it, or not? I need the same shade of salmon as my tie, and I’ve found every other shade under the bloody sun, and I even sort these by shade, I’ll have you know, and,” Harry sighed and tossed a handful of squares back onto the bed.

“You’re nervous!”

“I have been in situations far worse than a first date; I am not made nervous by this,” Harry shook his head, and shuffled through another bunch of squares.

“You are absolutely a nervous wreck, oh my God. This is adorable! Look at your dad, PJ. I have never seen you like this.”

Harry sighed again, clearly exasperated, and turned to Eggsy.

“Put the face away, I’ll help. Now, don’t get mad, but could you just wear a different color tie, that matches one of the squares we know are here and ready to be worn?”

The kiss on the cheek wasn’t expected, but it was sweet. “Eggsy! Genius! I’ll change it straightaway, then-ooh, I’m going to be even later! I don’t have an excuse for that, we had a reservation and everything...”

“Tell him I was late showing up. I don’t mind taking the blame,” Eggsy bit back a giggle as Harry whirled past him to another drawer. “Would I know him, if I saw him?”

Harry stopped dead.

“Harry?”

He turned again, a new silk light green tie in his hand. “I can’t...I will tell you. All of it, later. I promise you that. This is also, technically, a mission. That turned into more, and if anyone else with Kingsman or Statesman found out it had, the trouble we would be in.”

“So he works for Statesman?”

“No.”

“He works for us?”

“Eggsy, please,” Harry sighed desperately as he switched ties. “Like I said, I will tell you everything, later. Once things are more...solid.”

“As in your relationship with him, or the mission?” Eggsy asked as he set down PJ, and swatted Harry’s hand away from the tie. “You’ve got it all crooked, hang on. And is the mission to...you know?”

“Eggsy!”

“Just checking! Even if it isn’t, I mean, I can spend the night here with PJ. I’m already the ‘Prince That’s Never Seen’ to the Swedish media. Won’t be any issue if I’m not home for a day or two, and I let Tilde know it might be a few days, depending on what was going on. So, you know. If things happen...let them happen. Have some fun. Safe fun, I mean, actually, do you have-”

Harry was bright red as he snatched up the matching pocket square and his coat from his bed, and strode out of the bedroom with Eggsy and PJ on his heels.

“Oh, look at him blush! PJ, your dad is gonna have a wonderful night, isn’t he?”

PJ barked in response, wiggling as Eggsy picked him up again.

“Yes, he is, and then he’s going to tell us all about it when he gets back,” Eggsy continued, even as Harry spluttered half-protests, sighing and shaking his head as he walked out the front door.

Without any shoes on.

“Give him a minute,” Eggsy told PJ, who stared up curiously at him. “He’ll realize in one, two, three, and-”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Harry spat as he stomped back inside, struggling on with his shoes before heading back out, one oxford still untied.

“That’s a lad,” Eggsy smiled. “C’mon PJ. I think you deserve your dinner, and I will order mine, and then I think a movie is in order. We’ll find something with a dog in it, just for you.”

It wasn’t long before they were settled on the couch; PJ fed and a pizza box open on the coffee table, and the closest thing Eggsy could find for ‘something with dogs’ (an episode of Planet Earth) on the TV for PJ.

Then his phone buzzed with a text alert.

Stuck between a rock and a hard place. Advice?

Eggsy frowned at the text from Harry. Text were strictly for non-Kingsman, and non-confidential and/or coded Kingsman business. This, however, wasn’t code for anything that he knew of.

Is one of the things the guy you’re seeing? And if so, what is the other thing?

He could hear Harry’s frustration in the reply.

No! Not exactly. He invited me over, but he knows we’d both be in trouble if anyone knew about this; no one is even supposed to know he’s alive!!

That many exclamation points signaled a show of proper emotion from Harry, whatever this was, it was deeply serious to him. But it was hard to advise when he only had not even a quarter of the story. He sent back his biggest question.

Who?????!!!!!!

For about five minutes, there was nothing, and he almost set his phone back down on the coffee table. Then:

Merlin.

“Fucking hell,” Eggsy murmured. “And how in the hell? There’s no way...somebody has to be fucking with him, which means who knows what he’s gotten himself into now.”

He sighed, and bemoaned that he had left his luggage at his hotel, rather than bringing it with. There wouldn’t be enough time to get it, change into a suit, and try and configure Harry’s location so he could get there.

Unless.

He hadn’t ever actually spent a night in Harry’s guest room, but Harry had always assured him it was supplied for him, should he and Tilde ever need a place to stay. Searching it proved just that: three suits with varying colors of ties and other accouterments for him, and three matching dresses and pants suits for Tilde, plus three tiny matching jackets that would have fit JB.

“PJ, you hold down the fort, yeah? You’re a big boy now, I think I can trust you,” Eggsy said as he finished putting in his cuff links and pulled on his jacket, watching as PJ settled down on the couch with a sigh, his grey wiry fir blending into the dark material. “I’m gonna go make sure your dad makes it home, and when we get back, we’ll have that leftover pizza. I’ll make sure he lets you have a little, promise.”

From there, he was on his own. His watch and glasses let him track Harry somewhat, but wherever he was, he was on the move. With whoever this impostor Merlin was, surely, and that was who he really wanted to track. But even if this Merlin was using any Kingsman or Statesman tech, he wasn’t registering on any of Eggsy’s gear.

He got as close as an Italian restaurant, dropped off by a non-Kingsman cab, if only so as not to arouse Harry or the faux-Merlin’s suspicions if they were near enough to see it. There, outside of it, the dot representing Harry had stopped. Or so it seemed to have, finally, though at no point had the dot gone into the restaurant, leaving him wondering where on earth the actual dinner had been, and why on earth Harry was stumbling around in the dark with the faux-Merlin.

There were a few dark alleyways just near the restaurant. A small chance to be sure, too easy if anything. But as he wandered down the first, the blip of Harry’s dot on the map superimposed over his glasses got louder and louder and-

“Jesus,” Eggsy ducked behind a bin, then peeked back out over it.

Up against a nearby wall in the alley were Harry, and what for all the world looked like Merlin, kissing hard and utterly unaware of anything else going on around them, apparently, since he hadn’t exactly been quiet as he’d ducked away.

“If I’m wrong,” Eggsy whispered to himself, then shook his head. Even if this was somehow real, Merlin had somehow survived the land mine and was safe and back, it was better to check, to interrupt and know for sure.

“Let him go,” he stood and pulled his pistol, pointing it at the possibly faux Merlin.

“I think he’d rather I didn’t,” and god it sounded like Merlin. “Harry, did you not tell him?”

“I was going to, later,” Harry hissed, and whipped around. “Put that down! What on earth are you doing?”

“Not many men could survive a land mine. Fewer still could survive it, and be repaired well enough to go into hiding afterwards. So if you really are Merlin, and if you are...know that I am sorry for all this, but I’ve got to have answers. As of right now, I have no proof you aren’t some...double, hell bent on doing God knows what with Harry-”

“Hell bent on doing something with him, that’s for sure,” Merlin murmured and giggled, pressing a kiss to Harry’s cheek. “If you’re still up for it, after we explain things and send Eggsy on home.”

Harry sighed and pushed himself away from Merlin. “Look. I-I should have just told you everything straight away. I know you, and you’re a good agent. And a good agent would have done just as you’re doing now. It’s just...I mean, this was a date!”

“Still is,” Merlin called from the wall. “This isn’t quite how I saw it going, no, and I certainly didn’t think Eggsy would be involved, but this doesn’t ruin the night or anything.”

“Oh my God,” Harry muttered, and pushed his glasses up as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.

Eggsy lowered his gun. “Well?”

“Tell you what,” Merlin said, striding forward. “You both come back to mine, for now. We can explain things, then Eggsy, you can go back home feeling that all is well-”

“To Harry’s, actually. I was dog sitting,” Eggsy interrupted before stowing his gun away.

“Right, back to Pickles, JR, then, knowing that all is well and Harry is safe,” Merlin continued. “And Harry, if you’d like, well...”

“I could just about die right now. And I’ve never said that about anything,” Harry sighed.

“Dramatic, outside of work, isn’t he?” Merlin snickered as he led them out of the alley and down the sidewalk. “Part of why I asked him out, you know. Nice to get to see the man under the agent again. Don’t get me wrong, I love the agent, but I liked the man first.”

“Makes sense,” Eggsy replied, giggling as Harry blushed ever more red, trailing just behind them. “So, did you two ever...before this, I mean?”

“That’s a lot of old history to be getting into,” Merlin smiled. “Maybe a bit too much for tonight, but later on, perhaps-”

“Oh my God,” Harry muttered again.

“Think I should take the overuse of that phrase as a good sign for later?” Merlin asked with a positively wicked grin.

“MERLIN!”

Eggsy and Merlin fell against each other in a fit of laughter as Harry sighed deeply yet again.

He calmed once they were in Merlin’s house though, his coat off and tossed onto the couch as if he lived there, and Eggsy half-wondered as they settled onto it.

“So. I’ll make a long story short, so you can get back to PJ, and we can get back to...other things,” Merlin said. “I did survive the mine, but barely. And I very nearly didn’t survive the jungle, because my tracker didn’t click on again to let Ginger Ale know I was still kicking until you all had already left.”

“How the hell did you survive?”

Merlin shrugged. “I shouldn’t have, Eggsy. Chalk that one up to dumb luck, perhaps. That, and Ginger Ale, or should I say now, Agent Whiskey’s fantastic medical research and work with prosthetics.”

Eggsy gestured to Merlin’s legs. “I have to admit, I was curious.”

“Amazingly built prosthetics, all thanks to Agent Whiskey. She assembled a team to get me out, get me to Kentucky, and get me healed and well again. And she would have told you and Harry both right away, but-”

“It wasn’t assured he would survive,” Harry interrupted. “And so I asked them not to say anything to you at that time. I didn’t want you to lose him twice. I figured it, rather selfishly, I admit, that it would be enough for me to lose him twice.”

“But you didn’t,” Merlin said softly, grabbing Harry’s hand. “I’m right here, not going anywhere.”

Harry only nodded, but Eggsy could see his fingers tighten around Merlin’s.

“With you still not knowing I was alive, and my continued survival not assured at that point, I was put into a sort of hiding. Kept in Kentucky, under Statesman medical care and guard. I remain under their guard now, to some degree, and not Kingsman guard because, well-” Merlin shrugged. “Kingsman is still rebuilding. We have Agent Tequila here, and Harry, and yourself as a reserve agent, but that isn’t much. And there’s concern that some of the guards I tried to take out with me are still out there, and might be looking for me.”

“Didn’t they find them all? Or all the pieces of them, I guess,” Eggsy asked.

“Enough...pieces to make up all the bodies except for two. We might have presumed they were just truly blown to smithereens, until certain messages started to arrive at various locations, specifically the rubble of the Kingsman HQ and your old home, Eggsy. Agent Whiskey was the one who suggested surveillance on those locations and a few others after I was recovered from the field, and thank goodness she did. We might never have seen them until it was too late, otherwise.”

“Too late?”

“Attacks,” Harry said. “On Statesman HQ, specifically trying to get to the medical ward. One got damned close too. No identifiable information on them, except that everything done to erase their identity was similar to what Poppy had done to her cronies. Erased fingerprints, filed down teeth, all that. But since we know Poppy is dead, that tells us nothing. And the henchman that we thought died when the land mine went off weren’t identifiable either, not even the pieces of the dead ones. So figuring out who the live ones are, if they are alive, and where they are...”

“Damn near impossible, until another attack, which hasn’t happened because you’ve been kept under guard here. And that’s why no one was supposed to know you’re alive,” Eggsy finished.

“And why this,” Harry sighed, picking up Merlin’s hand and kissing it, “is so very risky. If anything happened as a result of me, I swear-”

“I know, and I’m willing to take the risk,” Merlin interrupted. “Anyone would for someone they love. Eggsy would for Tilde, essentially does being married while being an agent, right Eggsy?”

Eggsy nodded. “Harry. You shouldn’t deny yourself this, happiness, just because of the risk. There’s always going to be something, you know? Life just isn’t that easy, that safe...especially for us. Tilde and I, we know the risk, and we both accept it to be together. If you and Merlin feel the same...why not go for it?”

The look Harry was giving Merlin gave Eggsy his out. “And, that said, I think maybe my portion of the evening is complete, and the portion with you two is uh...yeah. I’m gonna head out, go back and let PJ have the bit of pizza I promised him, and then turn in for the night, and you two aren’t even paying attention to a word I’m saying right now.”

They certainly didn’t seem to be, again concerned only with each other and kissing and the fussing about with Harry’s tie, which was plenty for Eggsy to see.

“I mean good for ‘em, you know?” he told PJ as they snuggled on the couch, his suit hung back up in the guest room of Harry’s house, the pizza warmed up for a late night/early morning snack. “But...bit like watching your parents snog, you know? Like, they’re adults, consenting and all that and isn’t like that...urge disappears as you age, I just. It was time for me to not see anymore. You get it, right, PJ?”

PJ whimpered, and snuggled in closer. He was laid out on Eggsy’s chest, and very nearly had his cold nose poking Eggsy’s chin as he moved closer and closer.

“Aw. You just miss your dad, don’t you? Well, never fear, he’ll be home in the morning. Er, later morning, considering the time. Dads have to have their fun too, and in the meantime you’ve got me!”

Eggsy flicked off the TV and closed his eyes, listening to PJ’s soft breathing as he finally fell asleep.

And then his watch buzzed on his wrist.

He carefully moved his arm, to not disturb PJ, and looked at the alert.

ALL KINGSMAN AND STATESMAN AGENTS, REPORT TO NEAREST HQ LOCATION IMMEDIATELY. AGENT COMPROMISATION HAS OCCURRED.

#text post #LeeH writes #kingsman fic #harry hart x merlin #not sure what else to tag rn #so lemme know if y'all want others added!#I'll figure out the tagging as I write the next part of this and the other fics I have in mind lol #eggsy is here too of course #like there's gonna be multiple plot threads of Harry and Merlin and stuff with Eggsy going on plus major Spy Problems #so I'll add tags in as we add in more threads lol

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cbk1000 · 5 years

Text

Bit of a work rant. Sadly, it is not of the ‘so I think my trash boss might possibly be fucking her daughter’s boyfriend’ variety, so you do not need to sit down (though you are certainly welcome to do so). This is just me being irritated about people not pulling their weight.

So, a little relevant information: I work with a team of three people. Right now we’re handling a merge project, which means we go through and look at duplicate pairs of patients to determine whether or not they’re true duplicates, or if they were marked as such in error. Sometimes it’s really two totally different people, sometimes it’s just that we don’t have enough information to merge the charts. If, however, all the demographics match and we determine that both charts are in fact the same person, then we have to merge them, which is a whole long, fairly complex process across multiple systems; I’m not going to get into it, because you really don’t need to know how we do it, and unless you use the specific programs we do, it’s not going to make sense anyway. We have a quota we’re expected to meet, which is 10 merges in a day, and 40 uniques (uniques meaning we’ve determined the charts don’t match, and then we have to mark them as unique records). This is absolutely, totally doable; I complete way more uniques in a day (I’m not sure how many, because we can’t really track that the way we do our merges), and I average about 13 or so merges, but 14 isn’t unusual, and I’ve done as many as 15. I have been doing this for about a month and a half, to give you some context; one of the other women I work with (the one who actually trained me) has been doing it for about three years, and the other woman at least a year or so. Needless to say, they are both a lot more advanced (or should be) than me.

Both of these women work mostly from home. My trainer does come in sometimes for the socialisation and also to walk me through some more complex stuff that she needs to show me (she’s taking time off in a few weeks or so because her daughter is having twins, and so she’s been training me to take over her work lists), but mostly we talk via IM or sometimes on the phone. The other woman never comes in, unless we have a meeting.

When my co-worker was training me, she made some comments that made it clear that she was pretty frustrated with our other teammate because she doesn’t do nearly the amount of work that she should; she’s also really slow about getting back to someone if they have a question about something work-related, and she makes a lot of mistakes. On training days, we were actually doing quite a few more merges than her. We were really cracking along pretty good considering the fact that I was being talked through everything, but she still should have been able to outpace us. Once they let me free in the wilds to do merging on my own without someone sitting next to me holding my hand, I was pretty much right from the get-go meeting and even exceeding our daily expected quota. The lady who trained me made a couple of remarks about how it was nice to have someone who did as much work as her. Also, I’ll mention that in the first couple of weeks, I caught a couple of mistakes this other lady had made--pretty big ones. Also to the second power, my trainer has been doing audits on all our work for the last few weeks or so, and she’s caught several other issues with this lady’s merges, and says that it’s pretty typical of her to make fairly serious mistakes. I don’t know what her percentage of accuracy is, but I’m going to bet it’s not great, because from what I’ve observed over the last few weeks, three merges a day seems to be a pretty typical number for her; today it looks like she only did two. So probably in a week she’s doing close to what I do in a day, and messing up on several of them. I suspect the work from home aspect might be somewhat contributing to this; my co-worker said she was more productive when she actually worked in the office (I don’t know if she was excessively productive, or just not as bad, and it sounds like she probably still made quite a few mistakes). So I don’t know what she’s doing, but she has to be taking advantage of the fact that she’s working from home to screw around. Otherwise I can’t fathom how you could do so little, or why she seems to be away from her computer so often.

Fast forward to Tuesday: my trainer comes in to show me how to make up a worksheet that she emails out daily. We also sit and catch up a bit (I like her a lot; not only is she a good co-worker in the sense that she’s super helpful and gets a shit ton of work done, she takes the piss out of me a bit, and I like that in a person). She goes to talk to our boss about some issues that cropped up while she was out of the office (our manager has been on vacation for the past couple of weeks) that she wasn’t trained to deal with, and comes back to let me know what our manager said. The merge project is enough under control that our manager wants one person to handle the daily worklists: our co-worker. She wants me and my trainer to start training on some aspects of the actual billing cycle (she actually was going to start me on it this week, but apparently they were having a big issue and it wasn’t a good time to start training someone new, so I’m supposed to start on it next week). So we’re not really going to be merging anymore; however, neither of us want to forget how to do it, so we decided we should handle the audits so we’re still familiar with the process, which she’s fine with.

I told my trainer that I hoped this other girl picked up the pace a LOT if she’s the only one doing it, because while it is possible for one person to handle the worklists at this point...it’s not if they’re going at her pace. (I should mention that we have several daily worklists we pull from; we split up pairs alphabetically. These are the lists that need to be complete daily, and then if you’re done early, which I always am, and I know my trainer always is, then you go to another historical worklist that has literally thousands of patients on it. So there’s still plenty of work for three people, but that last worklist isn’t a priority; the daily ones are what we really need to focus on, and one person could easily handle those in a day.) My trainer said she hadn’t wanted to be negative because the manager doesn’t like that, but she did tell her that our co-worker’s work output isn’t quite what it should be, especially if she’s going to be taking over. So the manager is going to talk to her about taking over the merge project while my trainer and I move onto other things, and I’m curious how that will go; my trainer said she’s not going to like having to do it on her own.

Our manager later stopped by and talked to me about it all as well, and said that she wants me doing some posting stuff because they’re behind, and also because she thinks that it’ll suit me, because it’s a lot of information getting thrown at you at once, and it’s fast-paced. (I already have a reputation at the office for picking stuff up very quickly, so now people expect me to actually...do things. Bleargh.) She said she wants this co-worker on merges because she seems to really like working from home, and that environment sort of suits her (and it does in a way--she’s a big homebody and not very social, and clearly very shy; she seems like a perfectly nice girl, but full disclosure, incompetence reeeaaallly annoys me, so I’m a little soured on her already). I didn’t mention that it doesn’t suit her actual work output, because I don’t want to be That Bitch already about a co-worker, and I’m not going to be working on the same project as her for very much longer anyway. But today on my drive home I was thinking about how much it agitated me that she only did two merges today. My boss pulled me away to work on some other stuff for the rest of the day around 10:30 this morning, and I had already done seven damn merges. SHE DID TWO. IN ONE ENTIRE DAY. WTF ARE YOU DOING??? It’s giving me flashbacks to school when you had to do group projects and there’s always that one fucking asshole that doesn’t do fucking shit but you all get the same grade anyway.

Anyway, this was way too long for me to essentially be like, “Lol my co-worker doesn’t do jack shit but other than that shit’s good at work”, but you guys know how I be.

#personal #work

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wildflower8281 · 5 years

Text

Am I a Gypsy?

Today I sat down at a periwinkle wooden table with lime green cushioney chairs and journaled out how I want my life to look and feel for the next few years. All of the realms of it - feelings, body, home, work, friends, lovers, leisure. I’m currently house & pet sitting in a beautiful home in Scottsdale, with a huge pool, spacious, bright interiors and the sweetest, shaggy dog you’ll ever meet, Murray. It feels like a rather large Airbnb experience to me and has given my mind a place to rest and a bit of a vacay vibe, which is welcome after a few weeks of transition and seeking some new work opportunities.

So here I am: Age 37 and in a place in my life, yet again, where I can totally recreate my world in a new way. I’ve done this a few times already in my life and I look at it as a gift each time, albeit not always arriving when Kelly feels ready, or in the way Kelly thinks it might arrive, but a gift nonetheless - a space in time where I shed a version of myself that is no longer and step into something new, yet at the same time, is still fundamentally me.

(Photo: Current View, #house-sittinglife)

Past and Present

To give some perspective, 10 years ago, Summer 2009, I was halfway into a 4 year stint as a missionary nun in East Harlem, having 5 years of convent life under my belt. I spent a good part of that summer in Guyana, in S. America, living the adventure, sleeping under a mosquito net, driving on the left side of the road and boating down the river to visit remote communities. We organized a girls summer camp, bathed in the river twice a day and slept in tents for 2 weeks. It was pretty awesome honestly. Guyana and Harlem were both vibrant communities, with beautiful people and so many lessons. And yet, that life - as a religious sister - was not one I wanted to live for the rest of mine, so in 2011, I walked and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

(Photo: Bright Lights of Guyana, 2009)

So, when I say I’ve been here before, in this space of recreating my life and who I want to be in this world, I most definitely have been and returning home from the convent was one of those moments. At age 30, I came home from religious life with a few-inches-past-buzzed hair situation, 1 pair of sports pants, a few t-shirts, sneakers and sandals much too worn. For the past 8 years, my identity had been Sister Lumen (and/or Madre Lumen, at least in Harlem)....Now, I had to re-take-up my birth name and being of KellySue...Who the heck is that and what is she like at age 30 out here in this new world where people curse, read magazines and don’t ask permission for things?!

Holy Fucking Shit! (I wrote that honestly prior to realizing the amazing irony of the phrase...needless to say, I’ve come a long way.) Yea, the journey back into ‘the world’ is pretty fantastic actually, even though it’s laced here and there with some tears and fears. Everything from shopping for clothes, applying to jobs, making friends and, gasp, dating is like navigating uncharted waters when you haven’t even really been trained in how to sail. I have an entire post dedicated to “Things They Don’t Tell You When You Leave” here if you’d like to walk through the details: 15 Things They Don't Tell You When You Leave the Convent

So, post-convent I was faced with creating not only a new life in pragmatic ways, but truly a new identity. Or more accurately, finding the original one! So, while I dabbled in teaching and other cool gigs, flitted around with a few cool folks and loved a magical man from Brooklyn, the most important thing I “did” in New Jersey was find KellySue. And it was with that Found-Self that I boarded a 1-way flight to Arizona and knew in my gut the bright, mystical southwest would be my next home, and in many ways my first home - a space and life that I had created from the ground up, from the desires and images in my heart, to the colors that hang on my walls, the geeks and artists I spent my time with and the friends and lovers who have traversed my life here.

(Photo: Essequibo River, Guyana where we camped & bathed for 2 weeks)

And yet today, about 3.5 years into my Phoenix stint, I sit here at this table that

is not mine, before Life Herself yet again. I have moved on from the Art Center, my first landing and family community here (aside from my real family of course,) a place that held me as I grew and challenged me to thrive. I rent The Dollhouse (a fabulous casita snuggled in the backyard of the main house, in the eclectic hood of #Coronado) and love her very much, but have very few possessions - no car, the bike I ride is not mine, no large appliances. I have clothes, a phone and my laptop. I have a great mattress, 1 dresser, 1 couch, 2 pretty teal chairs and a table from #Target. My smaller tables & most art supplies are from my Aunt, my dishes are from #Goodwillphx, as are mostly everything of decorative purpose. I don’t own many books by choice and prefer the #phxpubliclibrary. Even though I’ve curated my space lovingly and it most definitely echoes my vibe of colorful, bright and cozy - none of it is stuff that anchors me in this city. If someone offered me a job or to house-sit for a few months in Spain or Belize or pretty much anywhere new to me, I’d be off in a heartbeat!

(Photo: Unsplash)

That Time on Mt. Washington

So, today I sit here and ask myself, “Kelly, what do you want in your life?” I dedicate 1 page per theme: Feelings, Home, Work, Friends, Leisure, Lover. And I feel and write, imagine and think. And it crosses my mind more than once that not many people have this luxury. Well, I consider it a luxury! Perhaps some would consider it frightening or some other adjective, who knows?! To be 37, no kids, no pets, no house, no partner (3 out of 4 are very intentional...the 4th is seasonal, lol!) To sit at a table and draft & craft some Life up for the next 3-5-10 years or so. To be open to all the opportunities the Universe offers me, to list and discern and choose things I desire, experiences I want, types of people and energy I seek to feel. To me, this is luxury.

But this moment of vision and serenity hasn’t come without some unrest and many months of annoyance! It’s been a long journey to arrive to this table, to my journal, to feeling calm and open to the Universe’s next plans for me. Read on...

This arises in me every few years now, since I’ve been home. I feel like I’ve landed, I settle in, get cozy and then, kinda little by little, but eventually all of the sudden I look around where I am and my eyes grow wide….

I pause, really look around, almost squinting to make sure, like, “No, it can’t be. Not yet. Not already…” That takes a good 3-4 months.

Then, I sigh and look around again, really feel into the energy of the space I’m in in my life and interiorly nod my head, as I think, “Uh-huh, yep...Alli esta….There it is...Ha llegado la hora…..It’s time.” This phase lasts another 1-2 months….

I think on it, ponder it, hold that feeling between my fingers, feel the texture of it and ask Life, “Really?! Again?! Already?!”

And, as I’m examining this situation from all angles in fits and starts, Life leads me (kicks, shoves me) right out the door because It Is fucking time, Kelly!

She ushers me into a brand new space (in all the senses) and opens the Doors of this new space so wide that the bright light actually hurts at first glance…

Like some aching pain, squinting, not seeing quite clearly, some fear, uncertainty, wanting to turn around and run back to where it’s darker, but familiar and I’m good at the stuff back there….

One thing the convent teaches you is humility….for better or worse, ha (#chapteroffaults.) It is a good virtue to possess and it has been a tool I have wielded in these moments in my life many times, a trusty friend if used wisely and, seemingly ironically, with confidence. Because humility allows me to be a novice each time, to be Ever-the-Learner, to be always open to the new. Humility allows me to be ok with not knowing everything, to be ok with being the new girl yet again, to be ok with waking up for weeks on end not knowing where you’re going to land, but trusting that you will, indeed, land, and land amazingly well because that’s what you do! Because ultimately, humility is not just relying on myself. It’s Me & The Universe. It’s trusting the shove out the door and believing the blinding light will one day actually clearly guide your path onto your next adventure and into a fuller version of yourself. Humility is like that time we (the nuns) hiked down Mt. Washington as the sun was setting, lead by only a flashlight, in the dark, wet forest, holding hands and trusting that if the sister in front of you landed her step safely, then the tiny light was all you also only needed to land safely. Humility allows for the one small step at a time, even if you don’t see the end or full picture yet, you know the Universe is showing you what you need in the moment you need it….

Also, Nature Herself is Humble, so there’s that….

Trees thrive where they’re planted.

Flowers are brilliantly radiant, yet silent.

The Ocean ebbs and flows forever without fanfare.

Birds unknowingly bring joy with their songs.

Mountains rise in splendor and ask no glory.

Gypsy Secrets

For someone who left the missionary life proper, who considers herself a homebody and most definitely a lover of the reliable routine, I find it funny that in the grand scheme of things, I actually move through life quite like a #gypsy! I’ve always been someone who leads with simplicity and doesn’t need many material items to feel happy, and I have never set an anchor in a place so deep that it forfeited my freedom to roam - a desire I’m learning is an essential part of my being. It’s a paradox of myself that I find really interesting. I will be the most reliable worker, on top of all my shit, I will work out faithfully and read daily, I eat the same things most days because I like them….and yet, every 4 years or so I will hop on a plane, take of my habit, walk out of a job and just fling myself into the Universe in this kind of radical, unconventional way (‘You’re leaving your job and you don’t have the next one lined up?!’….I’ve done this now 3x in my life quite successfully thankyouverymuch!) only to be explained by a feeling inside of me that I can no longer ignore. Or, more accurately, that no longer lets me ignore it. And so I go, I leave, I move, I reconsider, I recast dreams, I open, I sigh alot...I take that one clear step and then breathe, wondering what the next version of myself and my life will taste and feel like, grateful for the adventure and most importantly, knowing that “home” is not a place, but rather is within me, the liberating secret that every true #gypsy lives by.

#intuition #hiking #exnun #formernun #catholiclife #gypsylife #wanderlust #nomad #anchors #freedom #dwntwnphx #phxlife #nunlife #conventlife #postconvent #catholicnun #formerpriest #girlswhotravel #ponderings

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