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bisexualmultifandommess · 1 year

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It’s time for my favourite girl!

Now I usually headcanon Rose as Bi but recently I’ve been thinking that maybe she’d identify as Pan or maybe be unlabelled because I think Rose would be the type to like someone no matter what they look like but I also think she wouldn’t really put a name to it. I think either works for her.

Rose has always had an interest in men but as she got older started to realise that she liked girls a lot too. The first girl she ever kissed was her friend Shareen when they were both thirteen because they were having fun and wanted to know what it was like and if they would like it. Shareen decided instantly that it wasn’t really for her but Rose realised that she actually didn’t mind the kiss. She didn’t feel anything for her friend but she knew that it wasn’t because she kissed a girl.

For a short while she had a relationship when she was fourteen with a girl who lived a few streets away. Her name was Nell and they used to hang out after school and cuddle at Nell’s. They kept it hidden because neither girl were out yet and eventually they had to break up because Nell and her family moved away. Rose found out years later after social media became more popular that Nell had a girlfriend she started dating a few years after she left and they were expecting a baby. Rose was very happy for them.

She kept it hidden that she liked girls because in the early 2000s it wasn’t as accepted and when she met and started dating Jimmy she didn’t mention it because he didn’t seem the type to accept anything like that. She didn’t feel comfortable sharing that news about her with him but still liked him because she was young and he made her feel pretty. She eventually realised that he wasn’t good for her after all the things he did and with the help of her mum and Mickey she was able to get out and come home.

Rose came out to her mum shortly after and although Jackie was a bit confused at first she eventually came around and became Rose’s biggest supporter. The moment anyone discriminates against her Jackie is furious.

Despite her feelings for The Doctor, Rose definitely found Gwyneth attractive. She felt a connection to her and like she understood her a lot. She didn’t act on anything because she was starting to develop feelings for The Doctor and it was in the past so Gwyneth probably wouldn’t have appreciated Rose being so forward.

The Doctor ended up taking her to the future and the TARDIS had accidentally dropped them off near a pride parade event. The Doctor had been surprised but also happy when Rose was excited about it and he took time to explain all the flags even the ones that in her time weren’t as popular. She felt so happy and safe with him she decided to come out as Queer. At this point in her journey she wasn’t exactly sure what she identified as she just knew she liked men and women. She enjoyed dancing at the event and even got a few souvenirs to take back to her room on the TARDIS. She had her photo taken in front of one of the pride signs with The Doctor next to her, which she keeps on her bedside table as both a reminder of the great day she had and to remind her of her first Doctor. She vowed to go again with Ten but she never got the chance.

Rose would sometimes flirt with the men and women on planets or times they visited before her feelings for The Doctor got serious. It would often make The Doctor a little jealous.

She and Jack once had a competition to see how many people in a bar they could get the numbers of. The loser had to buy them all the next round. Rose only just managed to win by getting the number of a person called Robin. The Doctor was very exasperated by the both of them.

During her time with the dimension canon to find Ten, she saw the Thirteenth Doctor and was a little surprised. She’s always been sure after getting over her shock of him regenerating the first time that she would love him no matter what he looked like. She knew that she would love this version too.

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chipped-chimera · 7 months

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So, I'm a Lesbian I guess.

So uh, life update. I came out to my Mum, so I figured I'd do so here too.

I've done a bunch of self reflection, healing. I reached out to my ex and we had a good conversation and I think that just made everything even clearer for me.

So yeah, this is me saying I'm not bisexual. I'm lesbian. And I probably always was.

More context below the cut if you want it (it's long). But anyway, here's to finally feeling like I'm finding the real 'me' in all this rubble.

❤️🧡🤍💖💜

I thought I was bisexual for ages. The fact I even got to think that wouldn't have happened if it weren't for my ex, who identified that way and I felt in a safe enough environment to express it. In the past two months I went through some self reflection, and talked to my ex for the first time in 2 years. It was good, and it's too complicated to explain easily but at least on my end I was getting a double dosage of the comphet juice between just regular expectations and the undiagnosed autism (also jesus christ, being a teenager in 2005-2010 that environment was just fucked up for anyone who might be trying to come to terms with not being straight). Kids in my school were more accepting, but also in the same breath using 'Gay' as an insult).

We were both undiagnosed neurodiverse people and maybe it was just the first time we'd encountered someone who just actually understood for once. Who saw who we were and were okay with that. The 10 year relationship, put in that context makes a lot of sense. So I don't blame him for how it ended. If anything I thanked him for breaking it off, because I was in such a goddamn state after being used by the Australian government (see Robodebt) there was no way in hell I had the mental tools or even brain space to realise anything about myself because I was too busy just trying to fucking survive. I would have lived and died in that relationship simply because at least it was safe, and stable. But it wasn't genuine.

Past two years since that relationship ended were fucking rough. For most of this year I kind of just turned into myself I guess, but I was letting it happen because after finding out about the high comorbidity of chronic health conditions with Autism and how it's likely related to long-term compound stress from masking for so long, I really asked myself when was the last time I just let myself 'rest'? Didn't do anything I didn't want to do or feel compelled to do because of some social contract or guilt?

I couldn't come up with an answer.

So I rested. And I think that's basically given me the strength now to finally 'wake up'. I dunno. That's how it feels. I only recently noticed my thoughts about women were structurally very different than the ones about men (and yeah it's goddamn fuckin' embarassing to say but uh thanks Larian specifically for giving me a female love interest tailored to my exact preference which FINALLY connected some dusty neuron in the back of my head or something. It was Karlach. MY GODDAMN GAY AWAKENING WAS KARLACH, ffs) and the more I examined it, the more everything became clear. I was hesitant to remove the bi label from myself, wondering if this was just a really extreme 'bi-cycle' swing but the more and more I thought about it, went through memories in my life, how I could never see myself with someone else it was always characters together and really it was the relationship and intimacy between them, regardless of gender that I was appreciating.

I thought I was grey ace but after going 'huh these thoughts are kind of different' and realising that yeah, I could imagine myself with a woman - it wasn't some weird other shit I'd told myself like it was just visceral self hatred or something, placing myself with a guy it was literally I did not want to be with a guy - it became obvious. So fucking, embarrassingly obvious.

I'm not sure where things will go from here. I am incredibly socially isolated in real life. My best friend is my Mum. I don't have a social circle at all outside of online spaces. I'm 30 and that's a fucking weird age to be thrown out into the world essentially experiencing goddamn delayed idk mental puberty because you suppressed it that hard. I haven't used a dating app in my LIFE. I'm still kind of scared of being hurt by others and I'm aware it's not entirely logical, but I just feel fragile. I'm also still picking up the pieces of my life.

I've confirmed a C-PTSD diagnosis with my psychologist, which explains why all the CBT tools I'd learned over the years just stopped working (CBT doesn't always gel well with PTSD or Autism) so that's probably going to inform treatment going forward. My intense fatigue issues are probably caused by having to carry all this fucking trauma and suppression of myself. As I said to my Mum, it's like I'm just 'Tired from being alive' at this point. I'm really, really fucking hoping it's not Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/ME. The new medication I'm on seems to be keeping me going past the 4hr mark though, so we might be onto the right medication mix (I do not appreciate the 7:30pm crash, like clockwork, where instead of feeling unfocused and tired like before I now feel jacked up as hell like I'm waiting for someone to punch me however :V)

I don't know where this is going. Or where I'm going. All I know is 'I'm going'. When the breakup first happened, when I hauled myself out of the Mental Health ward and back to my parents home where I had to figure out what the fuck to do after any kind of certainty of my future had been completely obliterated - I saw a lot of snakes. I'm kind of vaugely pagan, if I'm honest. I don't know how to put it. I am very scientific but I also don't think we know all the answers.

My ancestors were likely heavily Celtic, likely some Viking and Pictish influence as both family lines go back to Scotland and Ireland. I know through my reading that natural signs were important to them, so I start noticing when I see multiple occurrences, especially in odd places (I'll be real, I just remembered earlier in this relationship when I was more into pagan shit I saw a lot of Moths. Yeah. Yeah I feel like smashing my face into my desk about that. No I never figured it out then EITHER). I know quite a few things about snakes. Snakes are an animal that is both used as a symbol for medicine, but also classed as 'evil', especially in the modern christian context.

They are considered symbols of rejuvenation, of immortality, much like the Phoenix, they are constantly reborn through the shedding of their skin. Shedding is critical to a snake, because if it does not shed it's skin, it will die. This is a legitimate concern for zookeepers with snakes that have scars - they often struggle to shed completely, and they have to soak the snake's skin in water so they can cast off the skin.

So it's shed or die.

I have struggled to let go of things. Of everything that was done to me, but I knew it had to be let go. And today I have shed a lot of that shit. I am crying on and off but this is probably the first time it's easy. It's not physically painful, like knives in my throat, or something I have to shove down and keep contained for fear of being rejected. It's happy crying.

Because that skin being shed - it wasn't mine either. I needed rest, I needed to soak in that goddamn water dish so I could get through all the scar tissue. So it's probably the strongest image I have in my mind of everything. Of who I am. My entire life.

If you're going through difficult shit in life, all I can say is - you're strong. You're strong as fuck. Strength isn't being able to get into a physical fight, or being super confident around people - it's enduring life and the chaos thrown at you. It's being able to be broken down and rebuild, just like the snake casts off skin for their new selves. You will endure things and be stronger for it, than those who have lived all their lives without any pain whatsoever.

But it could be better, I know. It doesn't justify the pain. But please listen to yourself. Listen to your body. If you need to be selfish? Be fucking selfish! Don't want to do that thing? Don't do it! If you know it is costing you, if it is adding to that scar tissue - stop. Take the time you need to reset, to regain your breath. Ask yourself who you are doing this for. Ask what skin you are wearing and whether that is something you want to keep. Shed it. Let go.

It will hurt, but this is just the beginning. Change feels like a broken bone. But it will heal.

#kerytalk #lesbian #lgbtq+#sorry this got real long and kind of spiritual at the end but yeah #this is I guess the culmination of 30 years of my life and a lot of pain #uh yeah that spn tattoo I provided was taken directly from that idea bank for my own tatt because I felt it fit #and it's a good message to carry I think

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ace-of-garlic-breads · 10 months

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Animaniacs Headcanons

I recently came upon my 5 page Harry Potter HC google doc so I thought I would do it for one of my most recent Hyper fixations

- Hello Nurse Mindey and Katie Kaboom's Moms Sister - the mime creeps Wakko out, - Slappy basically adopted the Warners as her grandkids - all the Warners share traits with the animals they described themselves as in the "what are we" song - Wakko is partially colour blind - they also shake themselves dry after swimming, gating rained of etc - Dot sometimes can't handle water - Dot's claws grow the fastest and the longest out of all the Warners - Yakko bounces when happy - Yakko has really sensitive hearing - Wakko has pretty bad sensory issues, but they're calmed by their hat, - when having a but of a sensory overload Wakko tucks their ears into their hat to cancel out the noise - the Warners have a three teir bunk bed, and whever Dot can't sleep she usually alternates on which brother she goes to for comfort - when it's Yakko, he usually tells her a story and sings a song - and When it's Wakko they usually just Let Dot sleep in their bed and provides sufficient hugs - Wakko has read the whole Riordenverse multiple times - and Wakko hot Dot to read them too - Yakko is not much of a fantasy book fan but - Wakko is ambidextrous - Wakko is really good at physically demanding tasks - Yakko is the Brains of the trio, Wakko is the Brawn and Dot is the Beauty - Wakko prefers Skirts to pants - Dot goes out with Wakko to buy dresses, skirts etc, - Dot and Wakko act like twins, since their only one year apart in age they just treat eachother like twins (people also ask them if they're twins and they just say yes, cause it's funny) - Dot is really good at embroidery, cross Stich etc, and she makes little things for her siblings - Wakko and Dot once went as Dipper and Mabel for Halloween (Yakko went as Grunkle Stan) - sometimes all three Warners just pile on top of each other on Yakko's bed and sleep there - Hello Nurse is Basically the Warner Sibs mum - Minerva and Hello Nurse have a bit of a thing goin on (crack ships my beloved) - despite being severly lactose intolerant Yakko just doesn't care, he'll eat cheese, chocolate etc - on a separate Halloween Wakko and Dot dressed as Leo and Piper - Angelina fell first William fell harder - if the Warners were humans they'd be half British and half from Warnerstalk (Germany) and have Vertiligo - Angelina is German but has an American accent (VC Taylor Swift) - William is British and has a British Accent (VC Weasley twins) - Angelina is an only child and William has two siblings - Dot loves Musiums - after Pink Dot's favourite colour is yellow - Yakko's favourite colour is Lavender (this might be canon idk) - Wakko likes alot of the cool colours like blues, greens and Purples - Yakko is dog shit at math and I will die on this hill - Wakko is actually really good at it and helped write the Multiplication song - Dot is semi tiktok famous - Yakko gets into random fights with people on Twitter? X? idk anymore - Wakko streams of YouTube and Twitch - the Warners have a pretty big YouTube channel - Wakko is a really good cook - Dot can't cook for shit, she has burnt Water for Spielberg's sake - all three Warners love the Owl house - they dressed up as both the Blight kids (Y: Ed, W: Em D: Amity) and the Noceda kids (Y:Hunter, W:Vee,D:Luz) - Wakko has a mild Cat allergy - -all the Warners are Ace - Yakko is Pan, Wakko is Aroace and Dot is Bi -Wakko is Non-binary & uses They/them Pronouns -Yakko is a Demi-boy & uses he/they pronouns - Dot is the only Cis Warner Sibling (you could say that she's the Warner Cis-ter) -Hello Nurse is a Lesbian - Dr Scrach'n'sniff is Trans-masc & Gay -Hello Nurse & Dr Scrach'n'sniff co-parent the warners

#animaniacs #animaniacs headcanon #yakko warner #wakko warner #dot warner #warner siblings #animaniacs1993 #animaniacs 2020 #hello nurse animaniacs #dr scrachnsniff

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lmskitty · 4 months

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Hi again......If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

Hi!!!

Tricky!

1. Jujutsu Kaisen

2. Gorillaz

3. Sailor Moon

4. Outlast

5. The Last Binding Series by Freya Marske

6. Neon Genesis Evangelion

7. FMA Brotherhood

8. The Magnus Archives

9. Fake (manga series)

10. Digimon

1. It brought me joy and fandom and friendship again and made me feel like myself after a very long time. I know the narrative can be traumatic but it also has these incredible moments that just feel you with awe (like Todo turning up to help Yuji fight or seeing Gojo do hollow purple for the first time) it just reminded me of everything I love about anime.

2. My first real fandom, the first thing I wrote proper fanfiction for. The lore and the music and the animation just amazed me when I saw it when I was 11 and I've not been happy with decisions they've made recently (overpriced merch in a cost of living crisis, NFTs to celebrate Plastic Beach?!?) I'll still always love them and be excited for new content.

3. First anime love, first time seeing a relationship with two women helping me to identify as bi (now I'd say pan) I grew up believing that to be a strong woman you had to disregard femininity and seeing Usagi be the strongest with her bunny drawings and her focus on friendship and love just rewired my brain.

4. I love horror, I was brought up with it but for a very long time nothing has scared me and I found horror media repetitive. Outlast genuinely scared me and I was SO happy and I love reading the character notes and comics.

5. I've talked about this series a bunch but A Marvellous Light was the first book I'd read in years that made me cry and just stayed in my head for ages. Everything I'd loved about harry potter but done properly.

6. I was at a sleepover at a friend's and someone stuck this on and everyone was talking and I was just glued to the screen because what the FUCK WAS THIS?!?!? I've watched it since with my husband and it still hits me so hard every time. It's such a powerful portrayal of depression and nihilism and how relationships can fuck you up. It's beautiful and I think it's one of the best anime's of all time.

7. The opposite of neon Genesis lol. Love and family and forgiveness and what it means to sacrifice for the people you care about. Devoured brotherhood with my husband and we were both in tears by the end of it. I'd also been told I couldn't have kids and we had struggled with a miscarriage and Izumi and Sig just hit me so hard. (I have a bub now tho it came out ok in the end) but the characters still feel so real and there's so many amazing moments.

8. I listened to all of this and played Minecraft with my husband till like 6 am on weekends. We would discuss at length our theories and it just holds a special place in my heart. It's perfect horror and John and Martin's relationship just means a lot to me. I related a LOT to Martin and loved the series and I've super been enjoying the Magnus Protocol too! Also that first fucking recording of Nikola Orsinov?!?!? We both sat still staring at each other genuinely freaked the fuck out and we still quote it at each other! "I mean, you can if you really want to, but you’re not going to like it." CHILLS EVERY FUCKING TIME!!!

9. I read a lot of BL manga with my friends (*old lady voice* back in my day we called it Yaoi!!!) And so many of them had terrible tropes and big hands. This was the first one I ever read that I still adore that had an amazing love story and plot. It was revolutionary to see an LGBTQ story not just about them being gay or coming out but it had real detective cases and murders etc and I still wish we could get a tv show of it.

10. When Gojo talked about Digimon I fell even further in love. It's the fucking best. I wanted to be Mimi so BAD as a kid my mum made me a Halloween costume of her and I thought I was so cool. My next tattoo is gonna be Lilymon. I grew up with it in the dub and it established my sense of humour for better or worse. The Digimon film is still my comfort film of choice. Matt was such a big crush I had when I was little and I wrote little stories about being one of the digidestined.

Those are my top 10!!!!

#gorillaz #jujutsu kaisen #the magnus archives #tma podcast #fake the manga #fake!#digimon #outlast #fma brotherhood #neon genesis evangelion #sailor moon

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hellomynameisbisexual · 2 years

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The 23rd September marks Bi Visibility Day. I’m bisexual, and I’d like to talk about what bisexuality, visibility and inclusion mean to me.

A word on language to start with. Language is dynamic, and dictionaries are descriptive of usage rather than directive. In my case I use bisexual to indicate that I can be attracted to more than one gender (or sex). It doesn’t mean that this attraction is always the same, or that it’s equal. My bisexuality, however, is trans, non binary and intersex inclusive. Pansexual is another word which is often used to describe people like me. There are many (many!) nuanced definitions of both words and anyone who tells you they can tell you what any of these words absolutely mean is, well, at it!

You only need to leaf through the pages of any national newspaper to see why trans, non binary and intersex rights and inclusion is something I will never tire of shouting from the rooftops. But I’m not trans, intersex or non-binary so I would suggest reading Codi’s blog to find out about their experiences as a really good starting point.

Back to my sexuality. As a bisexual, cis (i.e. ‘not trans’) man, married to a woman, my sexuality is not immediately obvious. To the casual observer we are look like a cisgender, heterosexual nuclear family, with a dog: in many ways normal, but that all depends on what normal is for the observer.

Why is that an issue? Well, I’ve spent most of my career (and unless I live to a ripe old age, most of my life) never quite being ‘out’. It’s not that I’m ashamed or secretive about my sexuality – it’s just that I’ve just been in more relationships with women than men, so many people assume that I’m heterosexual. Most of these assumptions are silent, though. I can correct what I know, but if the assumption is in someone else’s head, it stays there uncorrected and unchallenged.

I like to think of it as being Schrödinger’s Bisexual. If I’m observed in a relationship with a man, the observer thinks I’m gay. If I’m observed in a relationship with a woman, the observer thinks I’m straight. This analogy breaks down a little if I’m observed in a relationship with someone who isn’t a man or a woman, but the point stands, that what the observer sees leads them to draw a conclusion which isn’t correct. I don’t blame them – they may not have (knowingly) met many bisexuals before, and they’re very unlikely to have ever really discussed it. I’ve been guilty of making similar assumptions – being part of the LGBT+ community doesn’t make you any less susceptible to this kind of thinking.

I first came out to friends in the mid 1990s. I knew at that time I wasn’t ready to tell my parents, but I didn’t think that nearly 30 years later I’d still be in the process of coming out. A good example of this is the fact I only recently got round to coming out to my parents last year. Between their increasing age, and COVID’s increasing spread, I became aware of their mortality and mine, and I didn’t want to leave things to be the fodder for future regrets. I had the real privilege of knowing I wouldn’t be shunned our outcast (a comfort many LGBT+ youth don’t have, even now). If anything, my sibling coming out as queer years ago stole my thunder! My mum was lovely, as expected, but my dad’s reaction was mostly confusion – why this big announcement now after so many years of marriage? He was fine – in his own way – just perplexed. I decided that I could probably leave enlightening him about non-monogamy for another day.

While I don’t make a big secret of my sexuality these days, many people assume my wearing of the Scottish LGBT+ Police Association lanyard and badge is me trying to performatively show how ‘woke’ I am. I am happy to talk about it if it ever comes up, and I can’t deny that there is little bit of fun in collecting confused looks when I confound expectations in conversations about the attractiveness or otherwise of celebrities (Dan Levy, I’m looking at you!). That approach is limited though – while joining in a conversation about the various reasons why Schitt’s Creek was the best lockdown discovery ever... constantly engineering conversations where to go on about people you find attractive would get very creepy very fast. I’m just fed up with feeling I must come out. I can’t drop my boyfriend or my husband into the conversation as subtle indicators. It’s not that I want a bigger fuss – there’s no need for a full-page ad in press. It would just be nice if people didn’t always assume that I am their version of normal.

To be able to come out in a safe and secure environment is something that too many people in the world today cannot take for granted. For too many people this decision would expose them to violence, to abuse or to homelessness. In some jurisdictions it would place them on the wrong side of the law – risking state-sanctioned violence, imprisonment and even death. I know I’m very lucky in my suburban straight-passing relationship to have the choice to come out safely.

Bisexual erasure (the opposite of bi visibility) is real too though. Research by Stonewall shows that bisexual (and pansexual) people experience unique challenges – including prejudice from within the wider LGBT+ community. While an encouraging 74% of gay/lesbian people are out to all their friends, that figure shrinks to 36% for bi people. From the same research 57% of gay/lesbian people were out to all their colleagues – only 22% for bi people. I can really understand those figures. Even in our values-driven workplace, being out – being your authentic self – isn’t always an easy choice.

There are simple things you can do to help, though. Firstly, try not to make assumptions – and challenge them when you notice that you have done. Believe people who tell you they’re bisexual – it’s all-too-often written off as being a phase, or indecision. Watch your language too! Prejudice isn’t just about throwing insults and slurs at people. Language can cause harm when it’s not inclusive. Straight/Gay are not the only two options – so be careful not to make it seem that way in the language you use. Finally, remember that a person’s sexuality is unique to them, and private to them. Your words and deeds can help to make your friends, family and colleagues feel more comfortable talking to you about their sexuality, but that’s their choice not your right. Pointed questions aimed at trying to work out someone’s sexuality will rarely be welcomed.

Ultimately while I do want us bisexuals to be more visible, whether the person (colleague or customer) who sees me wearing my rainbow-festooned lanyard assumes I’m gay, I’m bi, I’m trans, intersex or non binary, or if they think I’m a straight ally… what matters is that they know to expect a supportive and understanding response if they speak to me about LGBT+ matters. Whatever your authentic self looks like, make sure that’s your vibe.

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aroaceconfessions · 2 years

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So I’m abroromantic (which I’m not sure if it’s classified as part of the aspec but sometimes I’m aro) and ace. I’m out to my mum & stepdad, and my friends, and most of my class and my brother and possibly my stepsister know I’m some part of the lgbt community they just don’t know what, and my grandma on my mums side knows I’m ace coz mum accidentally outed me (but it’s fine coz I don’t mind abt her knowing there just hadn’t been a chance to bring it up previously soooo)

the thing is, my dad is a sexist mysoginistic piece of shit who has put me, my mum, and (a lot more mildly) my brother through a lot of emotional trauma, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was homophobic aswell. But when I asked him what he thought about the LGBTQIAP+ community, he was being really cryptic. So then I was like ‘well what if theoretically I was to come out to you rn as bi’ and then he’s all like ‘well theoretically ur not old enough to know if ur bisexual yet’ like wtf is that supposed to mean I need an answer here honestly dude. He has watched a few shows/ movies that have some side gay characters in them, but it’s litterally just gay men, like no variety, and he could just be putting up with it coz he likes the show, or he could just b aphobic or any other type of LGBTQIAP+ phobic.

it’s really killing me that I don’t know because I want to be out to him because honestly if u don’t accept me for who I am bitch u can fuck of, and I don’t really care if he accepts me or not I’ll just go live at mums but the thing is I’d have to be here (at his place) to do it. Now that shouldn’t be a problem, but he’s so fucking scary. Like he’s so much bigger then me and like he could probably kill me with his bare hands if he wanted to especially because I have a disability which causes health problems. Ik that he probably wouldn’t hurt me physically and that in the few years he was with mum he never actually hit her but it was still a really bad relationship and he’s just so physically imposing and I am genuinely scared of him, especially since we already don’t have a very good relationship.

But my mums also been going through a lot recently, she just came out a major surgery a few days ago, and submitted her thesis and finished her honours degree a few days before that, and has her own mental health problems. And my stepdad also has some of his own stuff and on top of that is trying to support all of us (not necessarily financially, mum works aswell, but just like emotionally), and I think it’s really hard for him, my stepsisters mum is also tricky to deal with along with my dad and then he’s helping mum and my stepsister has some anger stuff and will just start yelling her face off at anyone for the slightest thing one moment, and then she’s all cupcakes and rainbows the next, and all my disability and stuff is quite new to him, like I’ve known him less then half of my life, so he does try to help out and stuff but sometimes he just has to step backs and leave that to mum which is hard on her and neither of them really need to deal with an extra angry dad atm so that’s another reason I don’t rlly want to come out to him rn but I do at the same time and I don’t want to ask them for help because they already have so much on their plates.

help, anyone?

#abroromantic #aromantic #asexual #aroace #arospec #acespec #aspec #aroacespec #arose #coming out #aphobia #misogyny

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rubyleaf · 10 months

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Went through my blog again for the funsies and discovered an old, old tag game from 2016. And boy, am I shaking my head at it. Not only is 17-year-old me hilariously and stubbornly convinced she's straight, she's also very self-deprecating and generally not in a good place.

So I thought: why not answer these questions again, over seven years later, just to see how things have changed?

So here goes. The update.

MOST RECENT:

Drink: Water! I have a glass next to me right now and I'm staying nice and hydrated :) Phone call: Mom, earlier this afternoon, to make sure I'm still healthy and haven't died from acute Moved Out And Living Unsupervised Disease. Shockingly, I'm alive and well. Text: Dad, joking about the Berlin lioness boar thing. I still refuse to believe it was a boar BTW. I don't know what it was, but those pictures do NOT look like a boar.

Song you listened to: Saosin – "You're Not Alone" Time you cried: You know, I genuinely don't remember. Might've been weeks ago. I barely cry anymore these days, except from laughter or the occasional tearing up over a heartwarming scene in a show.

Dated someone twice: No, and unless the circumstances were very special, I wouldn't. If the ship has sailed, it has sailed for a reason. Been cheated on: Single, thriving, in my lane, cannot be cheated on if I don't have a partner. Peace and love on Planet Earth. Lost someone special: Lost touch with many friends over the years. Staying in touch is still hard. But honestly, some of them turned out to not be that special after all in the first place and a lot have stayed too, so really, it's fine. Been depressed: Nah. Been drunk and thrown up: Still don't like alcohol, still don't drink ✌️ Your three favourite colours: Purple! And pink, and the third one…maybe red!

IN THE LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU:

Made a new friend: So many. So so many. Fallen out of love: Yep! Laughed until you cried: Just this week alone! Met someone who changed you: I think so! Found out who your true friends are: Yes. And to the people who turned out not to be—thanks for making it easier to watch you leave right now. Found out someone’s talking about you: In the "bringing up my existence" way? Yes. Badly? No—someone probably did, but not my problem.

EXTRAS

How many people from your fb list do you know irl: What Facebook? Do you have any pets: Not at the moment. Hard to keep any in a dorm room. I'd like to maybe get a small dog someday though! Do you want to change your name: Not anymore. When I was little I used to hate my name because everyone kept misspelling or mispronouncing it, but now I like it even if people still get it wrong all the time. Sometimes it still feels weird and othering, in an irrational sort of way, but I can't imagine myself being called anything else. What did you do for your last birthday: Had drinks with some people from my orientation group in one guy's dorm apartment. Casually came out as bi over a game of Never Have I Ever. Wound up at a party even though I had an 8:30 AM class the next morning. Zero regrets. What were you doing last night at midnight? Sitting on my bed and hitting play on the brand-new Meet Me @ the Altar song that dropped last night!!! Name something you can’t wait for: MM@TA EU tour in October! I've been obsessed with them for two years and finally they come here to play some shows and the first time I saw the announcement I legit busted a lip in my excitement. Unfortunately not a hyperbole.

Last time you saw your mum: Last time I visited home—early May I think? What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Better executive functions so I struggle less with getting stuff done, especially uni stuff and household chores. Currently trying to do something about that, actually! If I'm really lucky I might get an ADHD diagnosis in the foreseeable future and maybe meds…? What are you listening to rn: Fall Out Boy – "We Didn't Start the Fire" Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Often. It's quite a common name where I live! What’s getting on your nerves rn: One word: THESIS. Which I for some reason struggle to do anything about. Blood type: Still unknown! Nickname: Several shorter forms of my civilian name. On here, Ruby. Zodiac Sign: Aquarius Pronouns: she/her Favourite tv show: At the moment: ATLA (and Legend of Korra), Ted Lasso, Good Omens. Probably more I'm forgetting. High school: Graduated in 2016! College: In my Masters! I have an undergraduate degree in law now :D Long or short hair: Long, down to my hips. I used to have short hair as a kid, but I’ve always wanted long hair. Height: 159 cm or 5′2.5′’. Do you have a crush on someone: I try to tell myself that no, I'm just very fond of the person. Platonically. What do you like about yourself: I'm creative and adaptable! I'm good at winging it when the situation requires it, and I usually get things figured out one way or another. I'm a hype woman for my friends, and I like the way I can find joy and excitement in all corners of life. Also, not to toot my own horn but I'm really proud of my style right now! Right or left handed: Right-handed. First surgery: None. Piercing: None. First best friend: Probably Rebecca, in first grade. It’s a shame I moved away, I wonder what she’s doing now. First sport you joined: Ballet, when I was five or six. Kept doing it until early fifth grade, then changed to horseback riding. First vacation: Probably to my grandparents’ vacation home somewhere at the North Sea. Don’t remember a thing though, I was one or something.

RIGHT NOW:

Eating: Nothing. Drinking: Water, still! I’m about to: Hopefully write a bit more for the mystery project 👀 Listening to: Meet Me @ the Altar – "Give It Up"

WANT:

Kids: Yes, eventually. I'd like a stable partner first (although if push comes to shove I wouldn't mind raising my kids solo), and most importantly I'd like to be my own person for a couple of years and not be bound by duty to everyone else. Travel, explore the world and myself, get all that out of my system so I can truly go into motherhood with no regrets. Get married: Yes, if I find the right person to do it with. Career: Study law and work for the EU or an NGO.

WHICH IS BETTER:

Lips or eyes: Eyes. I don't pay much attention to lips outside of someone having a cute smile! Hugs or kisses: Kisses are nice, but I still prefer hugs! Taller or shorter: IDGAF. I still love my tall lanky noodle men, but I'm not picky. With women, even less so. Girl is taller than me? Awesome, great for being held. Shorter than me? CUTE. Older or younger: Around my age, rest doesn't matter. I'm at an age where anything between 20-30 is fair game, but any younger or older and it gets creepy. Romantic or spontaneous: A mixture of both. Nice stomach or nice arms: If the person is nice, their body will be nice too. It's an automatic process. I don't make the rules. Sensitive or loud: A combination of both! Troublemaker or hesitant: Secret third thing where they're chaotic but also too shy to really make a move.

HAVE YOU EVER

Kissed a stranger: Does "someone I talked to all evening but didn't know before that and didn't meet again afterwards" count? Drank liquor: Tried a bit, same as everybody. Found it nasty. Didn't try again. Lost glasses/contacts: Don't have any to lose. (Given the way I've been treating my eyes: yet?) Had sex on the first date: I'm asexual and I refuse. Broke someone’s heart: Yes, and let's leave it at that. Turned someone down: I'm a woman existing in public. Having to turn down random men is a recurring part of my experience. Cried when someone died: Not really—I seem to shut down and go blank more than anything else. I used to feel guilty about it, but now I've learned that everyone processes grief and loss differently and it doesn't mean I care less. Fallen for a friend: Yes, repeatedly, it has yet to end well, and it will probably happen again.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

Yourself: Mostly yes. There are some things I need help with before I can unlock my full potential, but one thing I've learned is that I always manage in the end. And once I get proper help, I have no doubt I'll be just fine. Miracles: I don't like to rely on them, but I do believe that unlikely good things can and do happen. Love at first sight: Not for myself, I need to get to know a person before I fall for them. I do believe in attraction at first sight though. Heaven: It's a nice thought, but whether or not it exists doesn't matter to me. Our task in life is the same regardless: try to be kind and treat others well and hopefully leave the world a slightly better place. Santa Claus: No, and never really have. My parents never claimed he was real; my Christmas presents always came from the family that visited on Christmas Eve. Kissing on a first date: Did it once, it was okay. I think it's one of those "take it or leave it" things—if the chemistry is right, sure, go for it, but it's definitely not for everyone in every situation.

#warning: VERY long post behind the cut #but also: healing! improvement! look at her; she's okay now!#(mostly—getting there)#personal #I'm just sayin'

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imsupposedtobearesponsibleteen · 1 year

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Quick sidenote, I've since figured out im actually aroace and not bi, but me and Jay still had a thing going on. They were respectful af though, and if I didn't know them, I wouldn't have gotten to where I am now. However, I'm going to leave the figuring out I was bi in, because its okay to be wrong, and I was working with the information that I had at the time.

I was raised in the Methodist Church in Britan, who in the past few years have voted to allow the "God in love unites us" Bill thing that basically means that "same sex" couples can get married in Methodist Churches. However, it is up to the individual Church to decide whether or not they will allow for same sex couples to get married in their Church. The Church I attended voted to allow them to get married on the premises and so did another Church in my circuit where there was a relatively well known same sex marriage (one of them is training to become a Methodist minister and they both came to my Church for a period of time, I say its relatively well known, but it might just be my little bubble that makes me think it's well known, idk).

Anyway, in the church circuit I grew up, there was a gay minister. Apparently when I was like, 4 , she was due to do a service at my church. Now I'm too young to remember this so I'm just going off what my mother has told me, so this could all just be a load of codswallop, so take it with a pinch of salt and season your food with it, but apparently there were some people in the church that gave a good amount of money to the church that told our minister that they weren't happy, walked out and left the Methodist Church altogether. Now, this was a good 15/16 years ago, but my mother has repeated this story to me numerous times since. I've only seen this minister at the church i grew up in 2 times in recent memory. One for a district council meeting and one for a leaving do, and she only spoke for 30 minutes between the two occasions.

From what I can recall, there has only ever been one service dedicated to LGBT issues in the church that I grew up in, and that was in the weeks leading up to the God in Love Unites Us vote. The steward that day said before the service, and I'll never forget this, "please do not become hateful to those speaking on these issues, and the opinions of those who are speaking on this issue are not necessarily reflected in the service unless otherwise stated." I can remember the steward that it was and who was delivering the service. Anyway he went on about the science and stuff and then he was going on about his biblical opinion. He was basically all for voting for the Bill to come through the church, but he wouldn't want to perform the wedding of a same sex couple, and this is the chair of the district that had this opinion, so a lot of people in the church in my district will listen to him. Not everyone agrees with him, some for different reasons others. That is the only time we've ever had a dedicated service. I can remember my mother saying to the steward before the service, "I'm quite happy with gay people, just as long as the don't try and make me one of them."

My mother has always made me feel unsafe when it came to my identity. We were once on the bus and there was a set of 3 seats next to each other facing sideways. My mum was on the outside seat, I was in the middle seat and then there was a man in the other outside seat to my left. He got up and got off the bus before we did, but there were people stood up so one sat down to my left. My mum looked at him and then whispered to me, "he's gay" and then pulled a face. 10 year old me was sat there like "and?? What's you're point?" There wasn't one. She just found it amusing that someone would go outside if they were in fact *potentially* gay, and yes, you can (according to my mother) usually tell by looking. My mother once found out that a police officer that she was talking to (there'd been some sort of incident outside the house and she was a witness. For some reason, me being autistic came up, and the police officer said "oh my girlfriends nephew is autistic". When my mum was telling me this, she stopped at girlfriend and pulled a face, to which of course I pulled her up on it. She said that she "just found it interesting that she had a girlfriend and not a boyfriend, and why she would choose that lifestyle". We then argued about her opinions on the LGBT community, and how her language was harmful. There's a trans woman in a church in my circuit. My mum went up to her and said "so you're a man that thinks he's a woman?" Afterwards, she told me that this woman needed a hair transplant and that she clearly needed help (but it is important to not that she misgendered the woman).

When i was 10, I started to figure out that something was going on with my gender and sexuality. I didn't have the language to put to this stuff, but all my anxiety that I'd had before that had come, in part, to me trying to suppress these feelings. I was depressed, anxious, had suicidal thoughts and tendencies and was hurting myself multiple times a day, 7 days a week. However, I couldn't express why this was, because I did not have the language provided to me to express this, and I knew that if I did, the consequences could have been catastrophic.

I figured out I was bi when I was 12, but didn't tell anyone I knew in real life until I was 15. I had about 30 Internet friends that knew, and loved me and accepted me.

For a few years, online, I would tell people I didn't know that I was a boy, even though that label felt off sometimes. There were times I felt 100% male, then sometimes I was more 50%, other times I felt genderless. There were times that I felt 50% male and 50% nonbinary, or 50% male and 50% agender. Sometimes it was more 60/40, or 80/20 or 70/30. I knew male wasn't the right term, so when I found the term agenderbi was delighted. I clung to that term for 7 years between 12 and 19. I had a partner at the time and we both identified as agender. I don't know if they still use that label, we broke up in 2021. We dated for 6 years and they were a good partner and I wish them all the best. I hope you're doing well, Jay. You deserve the world.

Jay was the first person I came out to as agender and they definitely knew I was bi. We met in a group chat on kik to do with eating disorders, and that's how we first bonded. They were the first person who found out my name that I use now and we went through so much together. Whilst this was happening I met one of my best friends to this day on either Kik or Wattpad. We still talk regularly and I love and appreciate him so much.

Within the last 12 months, I came across the label that was right for my gender. Genderfaun. It comes under the genderfluid umbrella, but never encompasses female or feminine genders. However, i have been given advice that you can identify as agenderfaun at the same time as genderfaun, as I do still experience being agender at times. At the moment, I'm not concerned about adding another label to my gender, however instead of switching between he/him and they/them like I used to all those years ago when I was desperately trying to figure out who I was and what I was going through, he/they both feel right to use. It was such a relief to finally figure out who I was.

My friends are, without a doubt, the reason that I'm still alive. They are the reason I don't beat myself up over who I am anymore, they are the ones who taught me what pride is, to live as authentically as i can and be as unapologetically me as possible.

We need pride, because tonight, someone out there thinks that they are better off dead that being themselves.

That's why I needed pride. That's why others need pride.

My mother probably won't accept me if I come out to her as trans to her. I don't need her acceptance. I need my acceptance. My friends accept me.

There is a church near where I lived before I moved to uni, they did this roundtable thing, it was for the LGBTQIA community. It was a Church of England church.

I have never felt so much love from a church before. I was accepted and loved. Church can be a loving place when God isn't being used as a scapegoat for hate.

Don't kill your congregation when trying to preach to the choir. We're not all singing from the same hymn sheet.

I grew up with so much adversity around my gender and sexuality that I didn't go into here. But I promise you, if that's what you're facing, there are people that will love you and support you. We care for you. It's not going to be easy right away, but you have a community around you that want to see you thrive.

Stay safe. We all want to see you make it. We all want to see you thrive.

#agender pride #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtaq #lgbtpride #transgender #lgbtloveislove #lgbtqia #trans #trans people #agender #genderfluid #genderfaun #pride month

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the-rainbow-lesbian · 2 years

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OK so thanks for permission lmao

I'm just kinda so pissed, like I'm so convinced everyone hates lesbians like non lesbians piss me off so bad. I'm like mostly closeted except to a few of my friends and its so annoying to talk about my problems with regards to me being a lesbian to them because of how they react. It's either ignored, like they completely dismiss what I'm saying and move on or they act like they know better than I do about these issues. And they act uncomfortable whenever I mention anything, once I mentioned it to my friend how ignored I felt and she said maybe my friend felt overwhelmed with what I was saying, like what?? She might feel overwhelmed but it's 1000x worse for me. I've cried in front of these ppl with my issues regarding how I'm treated due to being a lesbian and the things I hear and they say 'oh well I wouldn't understand cuz I'm straight' like what do u mean u don't understand, I'm literally TELLING you. And obvi its bad with my family as well cuz I'm in a muslim household. Like the shit they say is wild,they lose their shit if we even say the word lesbian. I wish I knew more lesbians 😮‍💨. Ik I need to drop them friends I'm just waiting to get other friends so ik I can go to ppl. I feel so incredibly lonely and just, I wish ppl knew what I felt like, it's so weird how they dismiss homophobia so easily. My bi friends are even worse somehow, they've told me to not get crushes on them and that they can't find themselves marrying women like I thought I could relate to them once they came out but it's lonelier than ever. Just..the future seems so bleak fr, like ik my mum will disown me if I ever told her so I don't plan on it but ik I won't be ever able to move out without like everything going to shits. And even ppl I should be able to go to for support, I can't cuz of the woke homophobia. And tbh I've been tryna focus more on myself and other lesbians recently than like osa women cuz even when I actively care for them and their issues they never seem to care back. Tho i do feel guilty about it sometimes but ik i shouldnt. Anyways yh sorry if this was sm lol but umm yh. Have a nice day 😊

I am really sorry for everything you’re going through gosh I relate so much and I understand specially with having a muslim family. I hope you stay safe and things get better ♥️

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tryst-art-archive · 1 year

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Context: 2005

I turned 14 in 2005. The first half of the year I would've been in eighth grade (exiting middle school) and for the second half, I was a freshman in high school. Mare (my bestie) had been in a different state for about a year, and my escape from ongoing emotional abuse was very recent.

What I remember about this year is chiefly that Mare and I both began identifying as bi. (I'm pretty sure it was this year, anyway. A lot of my memory is jumbled on the timeline level.) We came to the conclusions independently but within about a month of each other.

For me, it was a pretty theoretical thing. I was thinking of sex and romance as being the same thing, and I was invested in the latter, not the former. Today we'd maybe say I was biromantic, but the increasingly detailed terminology we have now wasn't available to me at the time. Suffice it to say, I specifically remember thinking that there was no reason I couldn't fall in love with another girl and it was silly to pretend otherwise. Sexual attraction wasn't actually accounted for.

Mare and I came out to each other first, but I don't remember if I told my in-state friends. I do remember coming out to my mum who reacted with bewilderment. She didn't really believe me, but she wasn't going to make a stink about it, either. I have a recollection of having a conversation about it that I think was mostly her questioning my reasoning and me inarticulately defending my position, but in all honesty I don't remember the details now.

Either way, I don't think word of my pronouncement spread wider than that, and it overall made no immediate impact on my life, although it's visible in the archive as a surge of queer characters which only grows stronger over time. However, the mildly skeptical reaction from my mum did have the effect of convincing me that I was not understood (nor would I ever be) by my family or my local friends. I felt othered, and I felt incapable of doing anything to change that, and so I clammed up harder about the things going on in my inner world.

#context #me #info #00s #2005 #Age 14 #lgbt #queer #coming out #bi

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lonelyvomit · 2 years

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My mom said to me recently that bisexuality was just being confused/basically being gay, and I got upset with her over that. She pointed out that I identified as bi before I fully came out as a lesbian, and I had to point out that a) compulsory heterosexuality, I thought I'd inevitably want a guy (i still don't, Niko is pretty but not my type) and b) bisexuality is real and valid, and belittling it helps nobody. Bisexuality is valid. Aroace ppl are valid. I luv u all ❤❤❤

sounds like your mom's the one confused if she doesn't get how bisexuality works 😤😤 no but for real, I'm sorry your mum was insensitive, you're valid and Ioved here 🤲🖤

#asks

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jarvis-cockhead · 3 years

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#i came out as bi to my mum recently #which i know is supposed to be a big thing but the whole reason ive not done it sooner is because #i really hate the idea that coming out has to be a big thing. i think it should be the same as eg telling someone youre a cat person #ik that opinion isnt universal and i wholeheartedly support people who want to be loud about their sexuality bc they deserve to feel pride #but for me ive never liked the idea. and its never been relevant to conversation so theres just never been an opportunity to bring it up #anyway thankfully my mum also agrees that it doesnt need to be some big thing #the conversation was over quick and with no issues. exactly how i wanted #i feel really good because it just felt like something normal #even having people say theyre proud of me for it (which i do appreciate really) felt kinda weird #anyway . that happened #im just glad its done and out the way #oh i did love my mum saying its good because theres double the choice hfnjfjfmsjfs love that thank you mum (also its true)#it does also make me glad i never came out when i thought i was just gay. coming out twice doesnt seem fun at all #i think my feelings on these things are very specific to my view of what an ideal world looks like which is fine #i know not everyone will share my view. but i dont feel much need to be all loud and proud about this #i feel good about knowing who i am but i dont want external validation for it #i think it should just feel normal so for me that means i have little personal interest in eg pride celebrations i guess?#theres not a complete lack of interest of course but.. yeah. not really sure how to explain it #anyway im rambling now #time to raid the kitchen because im very hungry

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isuthetimelady · 4 years

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#guys GUYS #i #look i'm just happy today #because #recently i came out as bi to my mum and sis?#and while i knew sis would be okay with it i couldn't guess mum's reaction #so i was so stressed right #but #back then she just shrugged her shoulders #and today i was talking some 'what ifs' about having female parner #and she didn't even bat her eye #look it may not be much BUT #when my mum doesn't like something about my choices she DOES express that #so it still means a lot to me

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sosoukoku · 4 years

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.....

#been reading quite a bit about comp het recently.......#kinda having a sexuality crisis #was my mum in fact right when i came out to her as bi and she said ‘i thought you were a lesbian’

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hellomynameisbisexual · 3 years

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“QUEER”

First of all, let’s clear up a common misconception. Queer does not just mean gay. It’s an umbrella term for an identity which deviates from society’s perceived norm: heterosexual, or straight. Queer can refer to sexualities — gay, bisexual, pansexual, — or it can refer to being gender-queer; i.e, any label that deviates from the perceived gender norm: the binaries, male and female.

“Queer” is a reclaimed slur.

If you do not fall under the umbrella of queerness, it is safe to assume that you cannot use it. At all.

I am bisexual.

This means I experience attraction to plural genders. Pansexual also works fine. For the difference between bisexual and pansexual — see here:

Being bisexual isn’t easy. I went through similar hardships to gay women: I experienced attraction to women and was scared of what this meant for me, in such an oppressively homophobic society.

I am not saying being bisexual is harder than being gay, nor the inverse. But my experiences are distinctly bisexual, not gay.

Without further ado, here are the 3 things I’ve found to be the hardest about being queer, but not gay (enough).

#1: Finding My Place

Or, not being queer enough

I always knew I wasn’t straight, but I didn’t know what I was. Up until recently, I was still questioning. This didn’t feel enough to join groups or conversations with LGBT+ folk, let alone go to pride. Was I even LGBT if I was never L, G, B, or T?

I am still yet to attend a pride, even though I identify (fairly confidently) as bisexual. I am in a relationship with a man. This is (problematically) known as a “straight-passing relationship” and makes me feel even more undeserving of a place at pride.

This has been upsetting to me at times. But for others, it can be outright devastating. Growing up and needing support, but feeling like you’re ‘not gay enough’ to ask for it? So many young people are being left alone and afraid. Finding others like you is vital to figuring out who you are. Likewise, finding spaces which are safe and inclusive is vital for anyone, regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. A friend of mine happens to be a transgender man, and he summed up the issue perfectly:

“One thing that I keep noticing is how all hangout spots are “gay bars”, or (far less common) “lesbian bars”. I’m a straight man, so I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be there, but hanging out at regular bars is still too much of a gamble, so I don’t really have anywhere to go.”

It goes without saying that gay folk aren’t always safe in these spaces, as seen by the homophobic attack on the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, in 2016. Bigotry hurts the entire LGBT+ community. Bigotry doesn’t stop to ask whether you identify as gay or otherwise queer before it pulls the trigger.

But the LGBT+ community itself is much more welcoming to those who “pick a side” and just come out as gay, already. The infighting is inexplicable when one looks to attacks such as that in Orlando: bigots don’t care which letter you are in the acronym. So why does gatekeeping exist when we need to be strong in the face of intolerance when fragmentation only makes us weaker? Who are we helping by continuing to exclude identities from the discussion?

#2: Myths and Misconceptions

Well, it stands to reason that if bisexuals are what they seem in TV and movies, why would anyone want to make them feel included? They’re “greedy” and inauthentic. They’re attention-seeking, not to mention their propensity for threesomes. Now, I haven’t been in a wild orgy yet, but it seems like it will only be a matter of time before I follow my natural path.

Straight men, in particular, need to own up to their assumption that bisexual women are down for a threesome. The thing is, we are. But not with you, you big ASSUMER.

Infidelity

All jokes aside, the stereotyping of bisexuals is not only hurtful, but leads to difficulties finding and maintaining relationships.

As I came to terms with my bisexuality, I also had to accept that I might never be fully trusted by my partner, regardless of their gender or sexuality. I was shocked when my partner reacted to my coming out with the equivalent of a shrug — so much so, that I burst into tears of gratitude that my soul-bearing moment hadn’t been met with slut-shaming or assumptions of disloyalty. Nothing has changed. If anything, our bond is even stronger for me having been more authentic after coming out.

But cruelty came from elsewhere: when I came out, I was told that my partner was to be pitied, either because I’m gay and in denial, or bound to cheat on him. The main consequence of such attitudes has been the crippling fear of coming out to my partner. It saddens me that I felt so relieved when he accepted me for being who I am, and loving him just the same as I always have.

This outcome is not the case for many couples, with straight folk worried that their bisexual partner will realise they’re gay and just leave them. This fear of abandonment comes from a place of ignorance. When the media presents bisexuality as a steppingstone on the way to “picking a team”, it’s no wonder that people struggle to trust their queer partners.

Other Queer Myths

The myth that all trans folk medically transition invalidates those who choose not to do so, and let’s not forget the ignorant jeers that it's all just a mental illness. Asexual folk battle the stereotype that they can never have a relationship and shall forever remain a virgin (because what an awful thing that would be, right?) And pansexuals… well, at the lighter end, they’re asked if they have sex with cooking utensils. But often, they’re erased as irrelevant because “we already have the label bisexual”.

This brings us onto the third and final difficulty that comes with queer folk who aren’t easily categorizable as gay: erasure.

#3: Erasure

Erasure refers to the denial of an identity’s existence or its validity as a label.

Non-binary folk face ongoing and loud claims that they simply do not exist. This is despite the historical and scientific evidence to the contrary. Plus, the most important evidence — them, existing. Asexual folk are told they simply have not found the right person yet, or that they are just afraid of sex. Demi-sexual folk are told “everyone feels like that, unless they’re just sleeping around!”. And bisexuals are dismissed as simply being in denial that they’re gay.

Monosexuality & The Gender Binary

Our culture is so built on monosexuality (being solely attracted to one gender — for instance, gay or straight). Monosexuality is reinforced through everything from marriage to dating apps, the media to what we teach in schools. People cannot fathom that someone might want to experience more than one gender in their lifetime.

The binary models of sex and gender are also deeply ingrained. These rigid belief systems combined are to blame for our inability to accept that bisexuals do not need to “pick a side”. I was paralysed by fear for 17 years because I found girls attractive and that might mean I’m gay, because bisexuals are just gays who haven’t realised they’re gay yet.

Bierasure

Bierasure is dangerous, firstly because it leads a child to have to internalise both biphobia and homophobia. For instance, I had to work through being taught to hate gayness, whilst being taught that any attraction to non-male genders made me gay.

Women were cute, and so I was gay, and this meant I was disgusting.

My own mother told me this. She also told me that something has “gone wrong in the womb” for a child to be gay. (Well, Mum, I’ve got some bad news about your womb!)And she, like any bigot, extended this theory to anyone who experiences same-sex attractions — anyone queer. This is another reason why bi-erasure is perilous. Whether you’re a gay, cis-male or a demi-bisexual, trans woman… if your parents will kick you out for being gay, they will likely kick you out for being any sort of queer.

If we deny the bigotry that bisexuals undergo, we will continue to suffer. It won’t just go away. It will fester, with bisexuals having no one they can go to who believes them. And thus:

Erasure Kills

Bullying and suicide rates of queer-but-not-gay people continue to sky-rocket. We must direct funding, support and compassion to every queer individual, as they are all vulnerable to discrimination and bullying. The problem is being left to fester. This is in part because bigots treat all queer labels as just ‘gay’, deeming them equally unworthy. This is how far erasure can go.

Conclusion

Earlier on, I stated that my experiences are distinctly bisexual. The same applies to any queer identity.

Emphasising our differing paths and struggles is important to avoid the aforementioned erasure of already less visible groups. But this does not mean that the LGBT+ community should be fragmented by these differences.

If we can unite in our hope to live authentically and love freely, we will be stronger against bigotry. We are fighting enough intolerance from without: there is no need to create more from within.

So out of everything, what’s the hardest part about being bisexual?

It’s the fact that nobody knows it’s this hard.

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missdawnandherdusk · 4 years

Text

Lost Boys

Reader X Draco

(Follow up one-shot to Beautifully Beastly)

Summary: Now that Scorpius is older and in love with his best friend, he’s terrified to tell you and Draco

A/n: So, I recently finished reading the Cursed Child, and oh my lord I love Scorpius more than my own non existent children. And I know that coming out to your parents can be scary and it might not go the way you always wanted it to, but here’s some comfort in that fear. Something to hold onto.

It was a late night and Draco was out on another case as I read in bed by lamp light. There was a knock on the door.

“Yes?” I called, seeing Scorpius’ pale face in the night light. “Everything alright sweetheart?” I sat up.

“You’re busy reading, it’s nothing, never mind,” He stammered and went to leave.

“Scorpius,” I chided, setting my book down. “It’s alright darling,” I patted the bed beside me.

His eyes didn’t leave the floor as he shuffled over to the bed and curled up beside me, hiding his face in my shoulder. Worry began to bloom in my chest. I hadn’t seen Scorpius like this in a while—the last time being when Harry had changed Albus’ school schedule and told his son to avoid mine.

I stroked his hair softly and hummed. I knew Scorpius, he would open up when he felt safe and secure. Even as a teenager, he still had the habit of curling up with me at night when he was afraid. And I was glad that some things never changed.

“Mum?” He peaked up at me after a while and I could see his father reflected in his eyes.

“Yes dear?” I smiled.

“I... I’m bi.” He rushed out, growing very red and looking down, ashamed.

I stared at him a moment, letting it sink in. A smile spread across my face as I drew him close into an embrace.

“And you are loved, and complete,” I rubbed his back softly. Tears stung my eyes as I felt his frame shake with little sobs as he clung to me. “And I will always support you and demolish anyone who doesn’t.”

The tears did slip out as Scorpius continued to cry into my arms. I tugged the blanket up around him and continued to card through his hair. When he started to babble apologizes is when I pulled him away and cupped his face, wiping away his tears.

“You are my son, Scorpius. You are such a bright young wizard with a pure heart that has love to spare. Don’t apologize for that, ever.” I pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I’m so sorry that you’ve been so scared.”

He sniffled and wiped his eyes.

“Who you are, and how you feel, has, is, and always will be valid my dear,” I smiled and stroked his cheek softly. “And I love you. All of you.”

He nodded and threw his arms around me again, hugging me close.

“I love you, mum,” He whispered softly.

“As I love you,” I smiled, and we settled down under the covers.

Curled up on my chest, Scorpius seemed to calm down and his breathing evened out. My fingers still combed through his hair as I hummed one of his favorite lullabies.

“Mum?” He breathed out; his voice still small.

“Yes darling?”

“Do... do you think dad will...” He didn’t seem to know how to finish the thought, but I had been thinking the same thing.

“I think your dad might surprise you,” I confessed. “But if you don’t feel safe, I can talk to him. Merlin knows he’s afraid of me,” I chuckled softly.

“You’d... you’d fight dad for me?” Blue eyes met mine.

“It’s not the first time I’ve done it,” A smile played at my lips.

“What do you mean?” Scorpius frowned. “You’ve fought dad over me before?”

“I suppose you were too young to remember... When you were little, and I first began to tutor you, you asked me where all of my lullabies came from. I told you they were muggle and I’d have to talk to dad about letting you know the movies or stories they came from...”

“Dad wasn’t always alright with muggle things?” Scorpius seemed shocked.

“You have to understand he grew up loathing muggles, darling. That your grandfather twisted him into...” I sighed softly and shook my head. “We fought. He didn’t want you to know muggle things... fairytales.” The memory flitted to the forefront of my mind. “I said that I wouldn’t keep secrets from you, so I resigned, but he was going out on a case for a week, so I was going to stay until he got back...”

“But you didn’t quit?” Scorpius frowned.

“No,” I smiled. “The case... your father almost died on that case, because they were using me against him. He went in alone to try and save me—it wasn’t me, don’t worry, just a bit of Polyjuice Potion... when he came back... he said he was sorry for the things he said to me... and that it was alright if I never wanted to speak to him again, but he begged me to stay because you needed me... because he needed me.” I looked at the rings on my hand: an engagement ring and a wedding band. “I was going to stay anyway, no matter what he ordered me to do because I wasn’t going to leave you... I couldn’t leave you.” Blinking out of the memory, I looked down at Scorpius, who looked mystified.

“You and dad... did that for me?” He squeaked. I nodded.

“We love you Scorpius, more than you’ll ever know.” I pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “And though I will love your father until the day I die...” A smile graced my lips. “I loved you first.”

Tears shined in Scorpius’ eyes as he dove back into my arms. The next morning, I woke to Draco pressing a kiss to my forehead. Scorpius was still fast asleep in my arms.

“Bad night?” He whispered softly, not to wake his son.

“Could say that,” I mused. “But he’s better now I think,” Another pair of blue eyes blinked open.

“Good morning,” I greeted softly, letting Scorpius sit up.

“Dad?” Scorpius rubbed his eyes, looking to Draco who was sitting beside me on the bed.

“Right here, son,” Draco encouraged with a soft smile.

Scorpius nodded and ran a hand through his hair—a nervous tick he picked up from Draco. He stood, making his way to the door without another word. I called to him before he could leave entirely.

“I love you,” I reminded him.

“Love you too, mum,”

Draco looked to me for answers and I pressed a kiss to his lips softly.

“He’ll tell you when he’s ready,” I rubbed his arm softly. “But he really is okay,”

“I don’t think I will ever understand you two,” Draco rubbed his face and nodded, a soft chuckle escaping his lips.

“I don’t think you’re meant to,” I chuckled, pulling him into my arms.

“And you’re sure he’s not in danger? Harry isn’t trying to make Albus go to Ilvermorny or something is he?” Draco looked up from his lounged position on my lap, drawing a laugh from me.

“No dear, Harry has nothing to do with it,” I affirmed, fanning out Draco’s hair so that it formed a silvery halo around his head, draped onto the comforter.

“Is it about Albus then? Did something happen?” Draco pressed and I laughed, seeing right through his attempt to get to me confess.

“He will tell you when he’s ready, and until he is you will respect him.” I narrowed my eyes playfully.

It took a few days, the weekend, in fact. I could tell that Draco was carefully hiding his curiosity and frustration under a mask I knew well. But, as I tidied the library, replacing books and shifting the order of a few, and sending a few cleaning spells towards the blanket of dust, I paused at the large French windows, seeing my two boys walking along the Manor grounds.

Scorpius had his head hung and I knew exactly what conversation was taking place. I lingered at the window and watched as Draco paused a moment as he gazed at our son and smiled. The tight embrace between the two brought tears to my eyes as I looked away, letting them have their moment.

That night the three of us curled up in the grand master bedroom bed. My fingers carded through Scorpius’ hair as he finally found a peaceful slumber.

“This is familiar,” Draco noted softly. I simply nodded. “Do... do you think we messed up?” He asked softly.

I raised my eyebrows, shocked at the question and ready to go off on him, not caring if Scorpius was there or not. Draco caught my glare and quickly mended his question.

“Because he was so scared to tell us,” He rushed out and I exhaled slowly, looking down at Scorpius.

“We might have...” I confessed. “But we’re going to do everything we can to make up for it,”

“And how are we going to do that?” Draco chuckled softly.

“Well, I have a feeling that Albus might have something to do with it after all,”

I watched Draco’s eyes widen in realization as a smile spread across my face.

“Of course, it had to be a Potter,” Draco groaned, laying back on the silk pillows.

I laugh escaped my lips and Scorpius shifted in my arms, his eyes not opening as he nestled back down, mumbling incoherently.

Standing by Draco’s side, we waved as Scorpius and Albus headed out on their first date, both blushing and laughing while holding hands.

“He really is perfect for our son, isn’t he?” Draco sighed softly; a smile evident in his tone.

“He is,” I leaned against him.

“Still can’t believe he fell for a Potter,”

“You did,” I grinned, my eyes meeting his. “And just because you couldn’t shag a Potter doesn’t mean our son can’t,”

I burst out laughing at the look on Draco’s face.

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