#i'm sure there's many more i'm not remembering now!

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Faking It | Jeon Jungkook | Chapter One

Summary: Being divorced by the time you're thirty isn't the best feeling in the world but what happens when your parents find someone from your past that's in a similar boat? Pairing: f!reader (30) x Single Dad Jungkook (33) (Arranged Marriage) Word Count: 11.3k (oh man holy shit) Warnings: Troubles with conceiving/seeing pregnancies to full term, Jungkook's first wife passed away in childbirth. (These themes will be spoken about throughout the fic and I will add extra warnings when need be in future chapters) a/n: Okay this one is gonna be a long one (in terms of chapter length, idk how many parts there will be) I'm really really in love with this story line so I hope you'll come along this cute, silly, awkward, heartwarming and heartbreaking journey with me 🥰 p.s. I've been brainstorming with @kkusadmirer (ofc 🤭) about this fic for a while now and I've just fallen in love with these characters too much that I had to get at least one part out. Okay okay enough from me. I hope you enjoy! (barely edited per usual I'm sry 😅)

"You should start dating again" my mom says to me, a dinner with a table for two this time since she said she wanted to talk to me about something important. If I would've known it was to nag me about something like this again I would've declined the invitation.

"Mom I already told you, I just got divo-" "You got divorced last year" she cuts me off and I sigh, knowing I'll probably get no where with this argument but continue on nevertheless.

"Point being, it hasn't been that long since Robert and I got divorced. I need time and space to figure out what I want out of life. I'm not interested in rushing into another marriage just for it to fail again" I explain and she simply downs the rest of her champagne in response, polishing it off in record time.

"You don't want to end up an old maid who didn't give me any grandchildren do you?" she says, repeating the same old argument again. "Mom I'm thirty, not forty five. I still have plenty of time to worry about babies and getting married again" I argue and she rolls her eyes before asking for another glass when the waiter passes by.

"You should at least try. Don't you like going out on dates?" she asks and I sigh, hating having this conversation over and over again.

"Dating was fun in my twenties but now that I'm more interested in finding someone to settle down with, it seems like all the guys that are remotely my age and happen to be decent human beings are already married" I explain and watch how she immediately takes her glass of champagne off the table once it's placed in front of her.

I'm glad she's drinking because having this conversation with her when she's sober is even more painful.

"You're exaggerating honey. I'm sure there is a fine young man just waiting for you around the corner" but before I'm able to respond to her, her eyes suddenly light up and she quickly gets out of her seat.

"Is it really you?" she says and another woman around her age that I've never seen before comes up to greet her. "How are you? It's been so long!" the mystery woman says and they quickly share an embrace before she turns to face me.

"And who is this beautiful young woman here with you?" she asks, making me shy away from them. "Oh this is my daughter y/n. Y/n this is Mrs. Jeon" she introduces us and tells me all about how they used to go to college together.

"Oh wow I think I remember my mom mentioning you before. You used to come over when I was little right?" I question, now remembering seeing her face in some of the pictures in my baby album.

"That's right! Little Jungkook and I used to come visit you all the time when you were just a teeny tiny little thing. You were the easiest baby I've ever come across, always sleeping and when you woke up you were as happy as can be" she rambles and I get a warm feeling in my chest, loving to have met someone who clearly cared so deeply for my mother and I.

"Who's Jungkook" I ask, looking back and forth between the two of them. "Jungkook is my son, he's just a few years older than you. I remember he was so fascinated by you, always wanting to come over and would watch over you as you slept, never causing a fuss as long as you were around" she says and I blush at the fact that her son would care about me just as much if not more than she does.

"How is he? Is he doing alright?" my mother asks and Mrs. Jeon gets a somber look on her face eyes fluttering to the floor before responding.

"Actually, he lost his wife a few years ago. She passed away after she gave birth to their daughter" she mumbles and I feel my chest tighten up at the thought of someone so young losing their life to something that is supposed to be so beautiful.

"My condolences to you all" I say, my eyes going glossy and she smiles in return, the memory bringing a tear to her eye as well. "Thank you love, that's very kind of you" she says, placing a hand on my shoulder before she clears her throat and blinks back her tears, wanting to put on a brave face in public.

"Why don't you come visit us at our home tomorrow evening? I would love to catch up and it would be good if the kids got reacquainted again" my mother suggests and I glare at her, knowing exactly what she's doing but also knowing there's no way I could stop her. 

"I would love that! Our husbands might enjoy catching up too since they used to get along so well" Mrs. Jeon points out. "Then it's settled! How would you feel about making it a dinner instead?" my mother questions, digging us deeper into this evening we'll all be spending together. "I think that sounds perfect!" she agrees and I tune out the rest of the conversation, already trying to mentally prepare myself for the scheming I know my mother has planned.

~~~~

Kicking off my shoes and walking into my apartment I'm greeted by the serene sound of silence. 

My black tuxedo cat meows as he jumps down from his cat tower and stretches for a second before coming over to greet me. "Hi Salem" I say, scooping him up and carrying him with me into my bedroom where I plop him down in the middle of my bed. "Mom only invited me to dinner because she wanted to tell me to start dating again" I relay to him, while I walk around my room, grabbing all the things I'll need to get ready for bed.

"I should've known she was up to something when she decided to invite me out on a random Wednesday night to go to my favorite restaurant. If the previous glances I had of the totals on those receipts didn't clue me in enough I don't know what would" I say in disbelief, having convinced myself hours earlier that it might've been about something good instead of another chance to nag me about something.

"I don't know why I even bother sometimes. She just has this worst case scenario mindset that I'm going to die alone and not leave a legacy. I understand that I'm their only child but with the way she talks, you would think I was well into my forties already" I say, verbally processing to him while he curls up into a ball, his eyes watch me walk back and forth until I walk into the en-suite bathroom to turn on the shower.

"Thanks for always listening to me Salem" I say, walking back over to him and scratching his head, "Don't know what I would do without you" I mumble before walking back over to the bathroom and closing the door.

Looking in the mirror I study my features, my hair styled just how I like it, my brows perfectly shaped but when I get to my eyes I notice it. I notice why my mother has gotten so worried about me.

It's as if the light's gone out of them. It's more than just 'Hey it's been a long day and I'm tired' no it's 'I don't even know what I'm doing here anymore' and for the first time, I admit to myself that I truly feel that way.

I reach for my cleanser and quickly wash off the little makeup that I still have on, lips completely plain and gone back to their natural color and some how my cheeks don't seem to be as rosy anymore after I had made sure to put on some more blush today to bring some color back to my face. Maybe it's not the makeup that's been washing me out, but the way that I've been living.

I will admit my days consist of going to work and coming home and doing that same thing over and over again. I don't really go out much and I only have a few friends but ever since I got divorced I just end up politely declining any sort of invitation I get from them. Doesn't matter if it's dinner or drinks or clubbing or even just a shopping trip.

I just can't get myself wanting to do anything anymore.

I step into the shower and I flinch slightly at the burning sensation the hot water brings to me but adjust it and step further under the stream once it's just to my liking. While going though my shower routine mindlessly I start trying to get to the bottom of what has got me living like this.

Robert wasn't the best husband in the world, mainly because he cheated on me but before that things were good between us. He made me laugh and was a perfect gentleman that always made me feel special and when we got married I swear I thought I couldn't be happier. 

It felt like my life was falling into place, our life.

Until it wasn't.

I'm knocked out of my train of thought when I hear Salem pawing at the door and remember now that in my whirl winded state of mind I forgot to feed him. "Sorry Salem I'll be right out!" I call out for him and he meows in response. I swear that cat is more intelligent than I am most days.

I finish up my uninteresting night as I always do, turning out the lights and cuddling up with Salem until I eventually fall asleep but it took a little longer tonight. Thoughts full of what my future might look like if I don't start living instead of just existing. 

As the 'what ifs' plague my mind they eventually drown themselves out as that same welcoming feeling of calm finally lulls me to sleep. 

~~~~~~

"Hurry up they're almost here" my mother says, yanking me inside the house before I even have a chance to knock on the front door. "Nice to see you too mom" I say under my breath and she's wound up so tight it doesn't even phase her. I can tell she's been working hard to make sure everything is perfect once the Jeons arrive.

"Did you get that wine I told you to get?" she questions, her eyes lighting up at the sight of the wine bottle carrier in my hand, quickly taking it and rushing into the kitchen. "Yeah no problem mom you're welcome" I say, talking to the air in front of me still waiting for her to show any sign of gratitude.

"Go place your things in your old room so they're out of the way" she call out, leaving me sighing and trudging off to do as she says.

Once I retrace my steps and walk past the door to go to join her in the kitchen I'm stopped in my tracks when the doorbell rings.

"Oh honey can you get that? My hands are tied here" my mom yells and I take a deep breath in and out before doing just that.

"Hello y/n! It's so nice to see you again" Mrs. Jeon greets me as I step aside and let them in, soon after her is her husband who holds out his hand in greeting. "It's been quiet a long time hasn't it? I remember when you use to be-" "Grandpa! Grandpa! I wanna meet the pretty lady too!" a little girl no older than five years old says, walking around her grandfather's legs to get to me, greeting me with the most adorable bunny smile.

"And now who might this be?" I ask, already melting into a puddle from seeing how absolutely adorable she is. "I'm Juni" she laughs when I go down to her level. "Well it's very nice to meet you Juni and how old are you?" I ask and she lights up when I continue taking an interest in her. "I'm four! Well Daddy says I'm turning five soon but it feels like it's taking forever. Right Daddy?" she says and looks back towards the man now left standing in the doorway.

"That's right Juni" he responds and the deep tenor of his voice sends a slight shiver down my spine, so full of love and admiration that is obvious to anyone who might come across the pair. "Oh!" I say, quickly straightening back up to meet this mysterious Jungkook and my throat goes dry once I've laid eyes on him.

Tall, strong build, dark brown hair that's well taken care of and styled perfectly, strong jawline accompanied by the contrast of the softest look in his brown almost black galaxy eyes that are still focused on his beautiful daughter.

"I'm sorry" I say but he shakes his head before he turns his head in my direction, taking in the sight of me as well before speaking. "That's alright, Juni kind of grabs everyone's attention right away" he says giving me a soft smile. "I'm Jungkook" he says, holding his hand out to me. "Y/n" I say shyly and shake it, his hands being much larger than mine is comforting in a way.

"My mom told me we used to come see you when we still lived here" he says once we let go, Juni now quietly watching our exchange. "Used to?" I question, curious to know more about why our mothers had lost touch. "We went back to our hometown for a while and then moved back to the city soon after Juni was born" he says and I nod my head, accepting that as an answer for now but wanting to know more.

"Sounds like I was just an infant though so I don't really have any memory of it" I admit while rocking back and forth on my heels, a nervous habit I've picked up over the years. "It's alright, I didn't expect you to remember" he chuckles, "I was only three so I don't remember much of it either" we laugh at his returned confession and a more comfortable air settles between us.

"Well it's nice to finally meet you" I say and he nods his head. "Likewise" he replies and we stand there for a moment, not really knowing where to go from here then, thankfully Juni breaks the silence.

"Daddy I wanna talk to the pretty lady" she says and grabs my hand and pulls me away from him. "Be nice Juni" he warns and she pouts, leaving me crouching down to her level and tilting my head to meet her gaze. "There's enough of me to go around little one. Don't worry" I say, booping her on the nose and making her giggle again.

Jungkook walks in a bit more and closes the door behind him, watching our little exchange before my mother comes out to check on us.

"Y/n why don't you take Jungkook and..." she says trailing off, not having learned his daughter's name yet. "Juni" Jungkook says and my mother smiles at the sound of the adorable name. "Jungkook and Juni outside. I'm sure she'd love to run around a little bit before dinner is ready" she suggests and I agree while Juni starts jumping up and down, excited to explore an unfamiliar place.

Jungkook follows closely behind as I lead the way but I ultimately end up getting dragged along by Juni who is surprisingly perceptive and has already mapped out the door that we'll be going through. "Come on Daddy keep up!" she calls after him once we've reached the door, looking back and seeing that he's fallen behind.

"I'm right behind you Juni" Jungkook chuckles and once we step outside Juni lets go and runs back and forth all around the yard, looking at anything and everything she can find.

"Be careful!" I say, worried that she could hurt herself but Jungkook comes over and stands next to me and reassures me she'll be fine.

"It's alright, if she gets hurt it'll be a little reminder to pay attention to what she's doing next time. That's the only way kids really learn right?" he says turning towards me, granting me with a soft smile, almost as if he's looking for validation on his parenting choice.

"Of course," I respond, returning the smile, "even some adults need to crash and burn before they learn their lesson sometimes" I point out and it makes him relax a bit more, thankful to see that he's right in his dealings with situations like this.

"She's a good kid" I say after leading him over to the patio set we have out here so we can sit down and watch her. "Thanks, it's been difficult raising her on my own so I'm never really sure if I'm doing a good job or not" he admits and I nod my head, taking a second to think about my response since it's a sensitive subject.

"I can tell that you love her very much so I have no doubt in my mind that you'll always do right by her" and I can tell that my words bring him a sense of comfort. Being a single parent can be extremely difficult especially when you lose the love of your life as soon as you become a father. 

I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone.

"Y/n?" I hear him call out and realize that my mind had drifted off for a second. "I'm sorry what did you say?" I say, my cheeks heating up from having been caught daydreaming. "I asked if you had any children of your own" he chuckles and I again try to figure out the best way to word this but figure the best way to go about it is to be honest. 

I've got no reason to hide from him.

"No, I got divorced last year and my ex husband and I were never able to have children" I say, looking down at my lap, embarrassed to have admitted it but also feeling a certain weight lifted off my shoulders.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know" he trails off and I panic, realizing I might've made him feel uncomfortable, telling him something so personal so soon. "No don't be, I honestly dodged a bullet with that one" I chuckle, hoping to lighten the situation a bit which thankfully it does as I see his body relax a bit.

"Our relationship had been on the rocks soon after we got married and I don't think we were a good match for each other so I think it was the universe's way of doing me a favor in making us somewhat biologically incompatible" I chuckle and he softly does the same.

"Biologically incompatible" he questions, a deeper meaning obviously hidden behind those words. "We both got checked out and everything looked completely fine but I guess it wasn't meant to be, thank God" I sigh, sincerely thanking whoever might've been in charge of making that executive decision for us.

"I'm not exactly sure what to say to that but I'm glad it worked out?" he states almost as if it was a question and I laugh, in response hoping I can recover this incredibly awkward conversation. "I'm sorry, that was a huge overshare that I probably should've kept to myself" I say, clearing my throat in hopes it would aid in clearing the peculiar air that had settled between us.

"You have nothing to apologize for, I asked and I feel honored that you felt comfortable enough to be so transparent with your answer" he says, the warmth in his tone giving me an ache in my chest. How could someone be so kind to someone they've just met? It's as if I could tell him anything and he would listen to me as if I was the only person in the world.

"Daddy!" 'Well me and Juni', I say to myself and watch as his attention now shifts to his daughter who is running up behind me. "Daddy look!" Juni says, holding out her hands that are now thoroughly caked in mud but hold a rock that is almost a perfectly shaped heart in the center of her palm. "Oh Juni" Jungkook chuckles, the ends of her dress now matching the state of her hands and neither Jungkook nor I can hold in our laughter.

"That's a very beautiful rock Juni! You're so clever" I say and I can see a sense of pride straighten her posture a little bit. "Juni your beautiful dress" Jungkook chuckles, clearly not minding but also trying to figure out what to do. "I'm sorry Daddy" she say, that pride slowly dwindling after seeing the mess she's made of herself.

"Hey Juni" I say, turning her attention back to me and I can see her spirits lift a little. "Would you like to see some of the clothes that I used to wear when I was your age?" I ask and her eyes light up at the thought. "Did you wear pretty dresses too?" she asks, clearly excited about seeing more new things. Her childlike wonderment makes my heart ache. Must run in the family.

"I did, but none of them were as pretty as yours. If you like, you can borrow one of mine while we wash this one" I suggest and the way her head nods up and down so fast makes me chuckle.

"Let's go to my room then! Hopefully we can find something you'll like" I say, standing up and straightening my dress while Jungkook reaches out for Juni's foot.

"Let's take your shoes off before we go back inside baby. We wouldn't want to track any mud into the pretty lady's house right?" Jungkook says, flashing a soft smile at me before looking back down to complete his intended task and Juni complies right away. 

My breath hitches as he purposefully uses the nickname Juni had given me and I quickly walk past them and open the door to go inside, trying to clear my head for a second, willing myself to keep it together.  

"Are you coming with us?" Juni asks and he nods his head, "I gotta go clean your shoes off first though" he says and I walk all three of us over to the bathroom so Jungkook can do just that as well as wash Juni's hands off.

"Wow!" is the first word that comes out of her mouth when we walk into the butterfly themed bedroom, mesmerizing her from the first glance. "Your room is so pretty!" she says, quickly running around here and there, being careful not to get too close since we haven't gotten a chance to change her dress yet.

"You like it?" I question and she's quick to nod her head again. "I wish my room looked like this" she says, spying all of the little butterfly details from the dainty embroidering on the bedspread to the knobs on the dresser, all of them working in harmony.

"We can go look for some butterfly stuff next time we go to the store if you'd like" Jungkook says while he walks into the room and right up to her while she stares up at the ceiling where there are a couple scattered across it. Nothing is too over the top but there is clearly a theme going on that she is captivated by.

"Really?" she asks, confirmation of what he's said being important to make sure she's hear him right. "Promise" he says holding out his pinky that she quickly wraps her's around as best as she can with her little ones being so tiny in comparison to his. She looks at the two of us before beckoning Jungkook to come closer so she can whisper something in his ear.

"Can the pretty lady come with us too?" she 'whispers' in his ear almost as loud as her speaking voice and I try to hold back my laughter, pretending like I didn't hear a thing. "Why don't you ask her?" he whispers and when he leans back she looks him in the eyes and he nods to further encourage her.

"Um, would you like to go shopping with us to get butterflies for my room too?" she asks, walking up to me shyly. Jungkook looks at me with a soft smile and I notice how the tips of his ears have almost gotten a little pink, his expression soft and charming but his body still showing tell tale signs of nervousness.

"Sure Juni, I'd love to go shopping with you" I say and she giggles in response while running back to her Daddy. "Can we go right now?" she asks jumping up and down. "We'll go another time don't worry baby, we've gotta set up a time so the pretty lady can go with us too right?" he reminds her and although she's sad she has to wait she nods in agreement. "Good, now let's get you out of this so we can make you all nice and clean again" he says, unzipping the back of her dress and revealing the cute little white tank top and tights that she wore under it.

I focus my attention on opening up the closet and grabbing a couple of dresses out for her to choose from. "These ones should fit. Which one would you like to wear Juni?" I say and her eyes flitter back and forth between all of them before giving her a Daddy a devious smile and hugging them to her chest. "I want all of them" she giggles and my heart melts, thinking about how fun it would be if I had a daughter just like her.

"Pick one Juni" Jungkook chuckles and she pulls back flipping through the selection I've made before her eyes light up and find the one she's dying to wear. "This one, this one!" she says, lightly holding onto the skirt and jumping up and down. I shift my grasp on them and hold out the one she chose for Jungkook to take and once he does there a static jolt of electricity that shocks us leaving the both of us pulling away slightly.

"Sorry it's probably from all the fabric of the dresses" I explain and he smiles in response. "Don't worry about it. A little spark never hurt anyone" he says and it's almost as if his voice had dropped a bit with that remark, leaving me widening my eyes a bit before turning back around and placing the dresses back in the closet. 

Why does he make me so nervous?

"Lady, lady look!" I hear from behind, and watch as Juni turns this way and that once Jungkook has finished putting the dress on her. "My goodness Juni don't you look adorable!" I say and she runs up to the the mirror in the corner of the room, watching the skirt swish this way and that. "Say thank you Ms y/n" Jungkook says, correcting Juni and finally telling her my name. She sounded too cute calling me 'the pretty lady' I just didn't have the heart to tell her otherwise.

"Thank you Ms y/n!" she says, running up to me and wrapping her arms around my legs since she is still  too small to reach anywhere else. "You're welcome Juni" I say, smiling down at her and smoothing her hair down. "Remember Juni, we're just borrowing it so we can wash your dress. We have to give it back to Ms. y/n before we leave" Jungkook says and I can see her excitement dwindle a bit but is no less thankful for being able to wear it tonight.

"Thank you for letting me borrow it Ms. y/n!" she says and I smile again, falling more and more in love with this adorable little girl with every smile she graces me with. "You're welcome" I say and she lets go of me and twirls around in it before stopping.

"Oh! I promise to be really careful and keep this one clean" she says holding out her pinky to do just as she had done with her father moments ago and I kneel down to her level and do just that before booping her on the nose causing another fit of giggles to spill out of her.

"Y/n, dinner is ready" my mother says while poking her head around the corner and I can tell she is completely satisfied by the scene that she's walked in on. "Oh Juni what a beautiful dress!" my mother says, noticing it right away, remembering it was one of my favorites. "Ms y/n gave it to me!" she says, swishing around in it again before doing a full twirl for us.

"Well aren't you the most darling little girl I've ever seen! Are you ready to eat? I heard that mashed potatoes are one of your favorite foods right?" my mom says, holding out her hand for Juni to take and she gladly does.

"Did my grandma tell you that?" she asks, clearly surprised that this complete stranger already knew something about her. "Yes she did. I hope you like them!" my mom says and Juni rushes down the hallway dragging my mom behind her. "Juni be careful!" Jungkook calls out to her but my mom just laughs it off.

"Why don't you show Jungkook where the laundry room is so you can put her dress in the washer" my mom offers up and I nod my head and look up at him. "That's okay I can just wash it when we get home" he says, politely declining the offer. "It's alright, it's best to wash it right away so it doesn't stain" I say, holding out my hand for the dress and he smiles before handing it to me and following my lead.

"You have a lovely home" he says shyly, looking this way and that taking notice of the small details just as Juni did. 'Like father like daughter' I think to myself. "It was my childhood home as you could probably tell from my old room" I say and he hums in response as I stop at the door to the laundry room.

"I know Juni is never going to stop talking about it" he chuckles and I smile at the loving tone that is always present in his voice whenever he speaks about her. We stand there in silence for a bit while I gather the various cleaning products I'll need.

"If you like, I can show you how to get stains like this out? If there was ever a day when I was her age that I didn't get some sort of dirt, mud or grass stains on my clothes my mother would write that down as a national holiday" I say and he laughs at that before accepting the offer.

"Sure, I'd like that" for some reason I can't seem to find the right words so I simply turn around and rinse off the mud in the little sink we have in here. "Do you think you could get that one for me?" I ask, nodding toward one of the stain removers. He wordlessly does as I ask and helps apply a drop or two of it to each of the areas I point out.

"I could've done that" he says now realizing how he's just standing there watching me clean his daughter's dress. "No, that's okay I offered!" I say, reassuring him that I don't mind. I wordlessly ask for the next stain remover before rubbing it in and ringing out the excess water. He opens up the washer lid for me and I toss it in and look this way and that for the laundry detergent.

"Looking for this?" he asks, pulling it off the shelf above the washer. "See, that's a perk of living on my own now. I don't have to worry about things being up too high for me anymore" I chuckle and quickly scoop in the appropriate amount and start the washer.

"Well let me know if you ever need anyone to get something that's out of your reach, it's one of the perks of being tall" he jokes and I laugh but almost shy away from the fact that he expects to see me again. "So I've heard" I say and try to put the detergent back on my own but it soon tips back over and is close to crashing down until he catches it, which in turn ends with him trapping me between him and the washer.

He slides the detergent back in it's spot and takes half a step back, giving me the smallest bit of space. "Why didn't you let me help you? I was standing right here?" he asks, tilting his head at me. "I don't know, I guess I'm just used to doing things on my own now" I chuckle awkwardly. "Well hopefully you'll get used to letting me help you soon" he says, finally taking another step back and giving me a bit more space to breathe.

"Sorry about that" I apologize awkwardly, leaning my back against the washer now with him leaning up against the wall directly in front of me and giving me a crooked smile. "Don't apologize, there's nothing wrong with being independent" he says and quickly scans my body but he does it so fast that if I would've blinked I would've missed it.

"Daddy it's time for dinner" Juni says, her soft steps not having been heard by either of us over the sound of the washer, breaking us out of the little moment that we had been having. "Okay Juni we're coming" he chuckles and holds out his hand for her to take but she giggles and dodges it, reaching for mine instead.

I squeeze past Jungkook as this little room is only wide enough for one person to walk through and the front of our bodies brush up against each other only for a moment until she's tugged me halfway out the door. "Let's be a train Daddy! Grab onto Ms. y/n's hand so you can be the caboose!" she says, turning this trip down the hallway into a game.

"Oh that's okay sweetie why don't you-" he starts but I hold out my hand for him to take, him only having refused for my sake, not wanting to make me uncomfortable with any unwanted skinship. "Grab on Daddy!" Juni giggles and I look up at him and see that he's looking down at me. He chuckles before grabbing onto my hand and the both of us are soon trailing behind Juni as she drags us to the dining room.

Once we get to the dinner table Juni lets go of my hand and runs back to where Jungkook's mom is so she can continue to help her eat her mashed potatoes. 

When everyone notices that Jungkook and I have arrived, we're greeted with four sets of eyes, all of them extremely happy to see us. It's then when I realize that we were still holding hands so I gently slide mine out of his, almost wishing I didn't have to.

He looks down at where our hands had been connected when I do and I can almost see that he's also disappointed that I let go but his expression is quickly replaced by an awkward smile aimed at our parents. 

When I look at the table I see that Jungkook and I are meant to sit directly across from each other. Which I'm sure is another one of my mother's ploys to get us to keep glancing up at each other, this time though I don't really mind.

When I go to walk to one side to sit down next to Mr. Jeon, Jungkook follows right behind me. 

"Oh did you want to sit on this side?" I ask him and he shakes his head, "No, I just wanted to pull your chair out for you" he says and I feel butterflies in my stomach. "Oh, okay" I say quietly and watch as he does just that and slides the chair in behind me once I've sat down. "Thank you" I reply, smiling up at him and he does so in return before rounding the table to take a seat in his place.

"So y/n, your mother told us that you work in photography, is that right?" she asks and I take a drink of water before responding. "Well not really, I've done a few freelance jobs here and there. Enough to keep me afloat so to say but I hope to do it full time soon!" I say and I see Jungkook perk up at that.

"Jungkook has always loved photography as well! He's always been tinkering away with cameras since he was just a few years older than Juni" his mother says while Jungkook cleans off Juni's face as it seems like she's gotten more food on her face than in her mouth.

"What subject do you usually shoot?" I ask, curious to see where his interests lie. "Mostly editorial, but I tend to enjoy the shoots a lot more when they have to do with nature. I believe beauty can be found in almost anything so I tend to just capture whatever inspires me at the moment" he says, his answer being very similar to mine.

"I feel the same way" I respond simply before shying away from the topic as I feel our parents are studying our interaction.

Once they notice the silence they decide to pick up the conversation just throwing facts about Jungkook and I back and forth, pretty much doing the getting to know you game for us without giving us much room to get a word in edgewise. Which leaves the both of us to just follow the conversation and occasionally making eye contact when either side makes a slightly embarrassing comment.

"Hey Dad" Jungkook calls out to his father over the never ending conversation they're having about us. "How's that new project at work going?" he says and I can already tell that it's one of those kinds of topics that once you get him started on it he won't stop and that's just the case as we now watch the conversation take a turn that is thankfully so far off from the two of us.

As time ticks by and the subjects change a few more times I notice that Jungkook has started to get up and clear the table to which I jump up in response to help him.

"Oh Jungkook don't worry about that I can do it later" my mother says but he shakes his head. "It's the least I could do after you've provided this wonderful dinner for my family and I" he says and I can almost see my mother swooning from his response. "Well thank you very much, sweetie can you show him where to place them, just next to the sink is fine" she says to me and I nod, looking up at him and nodding my head towards the direction of the kitchen.

Once we've gone there and back from the table a few times I decide to just start loading up the dishwasher, trying to escape that mortifying conversation for as long as I can. "I brought your glass for you. Wasn't sure if you were planning to finish it or not" he says, walking over and placing my wine glass on the counter next to me. "Thanks" I say quietly, neither of us having said a word to each other since the very beginning of that dinner.

"Your parents are really sweet" he says, breaking the ice and clearly acknowledging how obvious they all were about their motives. "Yours too. I'm sorry about tonight" I say and his brows furrow, clearly not understanding why I would need to apologize. "I knew my mom would end up doing something like this but once her mind is made up there's no stopping her" I admit and he gives me a crooked smile in response.

"Don't worry, I knew what all of them were up to too. My mother was praising you so much and telling me how beautiful and smart and respectful you are so I had an inkling that this was their plan all along" he says and I turn away from him, trying to hide my flustered expression.

"She's right you know" he says, coming around to stand next to me, leaning against the counter while I face it, cleaning up the inside of the sink and grabbing the towel next to me to dry my hands.

"Right about what?" I question, now turning to face him and noticing just how close he's gotten. "About how beautiful you are" he says and I have to blink a few times, trying to figure out why this incredibly handsome man in my kitchen is flirting with me.

I just wanna thank past me because whatever I did in my last life must've been incredible if I'm being offered up a man as remarkable as he is.

"I-" I start but am soon interrupted by my mom walking in on us. "Y/n could you- oh! I'm sorry, as you were" she says, taking small backward steps out of the kitchen, keeping hers eyes on the two of us before turning around to walk back to the living room that they had moved to.

"I'm sorry about her" I say, taking a drink of my wine but he laughs it off. "It's alright, I don't mind" he says watching me with curious eyes as I polish off the rest of it. "Juni has taken a real liking to you" he says and my heart melts at the sound of her name.

"Really? She's probably the happiest child I've ever seen. I really like her too" I say and he smiles, no doubts memories over the years flashing through his head.

"You've done a really good job raising her Jungkook" I say, and his eyes flutter back to mine, this time being the first time I've spoken his name and it looks as if just that alone brought him so much satisfaction. "Thank you y/n" he says, and I feel my heart flutter, the deep baritone of his voice sending a shiver down my spine.

"Daddy can I have some cake?" we hear as Juni walks into the kitchen, "Can I have some cake..." Jungkook says, trailing off and waiting for those magic words. "Please?" she says, realizing what he had been getting at.

"Sure baby, Ms. y/n and I will bring it out in a second okay?" he says making her smile as she runs out of the kitchen "Thank you" she calls out over her shoulder leaving the two of us laughing at her enthusiasm.

"That's probably what my mom was coming in to ask us for" I say and he nods in agreement, helping me carry everything out so we can all have a slice of the small cake my mom had gotten for tonight. "How much you want to bet that they sent Juni looking for us earlier too?" he whispers to me as we make our way over to where everyone else has gathered. "You might be right about that one" I whisper back, quickly catching onto all of their little games.

After setting the cake and all of the plates and forks down on the coffee table my mom takes on the task of cutting it up and serving it, with the very first piece going to little Miss Juni. "Thank you!" she says, eyes wide as saucers leaving all of us cooing at her. "Eat slow Juni" Jungkook reminds her, no doubt having troubles with her eating her desserts too quickly.

I take on the task of helping my mother hand out the slices and once I give one to Jungkook I finally notice that the only empty seat is right next to him and he looks down at it before looking back up at me in a silent invitation to sit down and I take it cautiously.

The couch that we're sitting on is kind of a love seat ironically, seeing as the whole theme of tonight is trying to set us up with each other.

Once I've sat down I realize that I've sat right next to him to the point of where my shoulder ended up bumping into his. "Oh! I'm sorry" I say, scooting away from him but with the size of the couch I don't really end up moving all that much. "It's okay I don't mind" he says, before taking a bite of his cake and turning to face the rest of the group.

The seven of us continue talking and talking until we notice that Juni has fallen asleep in her grandma's lap. "Here mom let me take her" Jungkook says, standing up but both my mom and his stand up and wave him off. "That's okay, we're just gonna go put her down in y/n's room" my mom says and before he's able to say otherwise they've disappeared down the hallway.

"Does she have school tomorrow?" I ask once he's settled back down. "No, she's on spring break right now until next Monday" he relays and I nod my head. "And what about you? Do you work tomorrow?" I ask and he gives me a shy smile before responding. "I had a shoot scheduled in the morning but we went ahead and pushed it to the afternoon so I don't have to worry about going home anytime soon" he says and my heart skips a beat.

"No, I mean, well I don't want to keep you for too long. You probably have other things you'd like to get done tonight?" I ask and he shakes his head. "No, this is the only thing I have planned for the night so I guess you're stuck with me" he chuckles. "I didn't mean to make you feel like I wanted you to leave I just-"

"It's okay I know what you meant" he laughs and I now take notice that we're the only ones left in the room. "Oh! Where did my dad go?" I ask, my eyes darting this way and that, not even being able to hear his voice.

"I think I heard something about them setting up the fire pit? I'm not sure but he's outside with my dad right now" he says and I spy both of them looking through the glass door before quickly ducking out of view once they realize they've been spotted.

"Maybe we should head out there" I say but he cuts off that thought by asking me a question that keeps me frozen on the spot. 

"Is there a reason why you don't want to be alone with me?" he asks, arm now having been draped around the back of the couch a while ago, completely unknown to me making this all seem a lot more intimate than before.

"Who said that?" I chuckle nervously, clearing my throat before sinking back into my seat. "You just did" he says, nodding towards me and I feel like I want to crawl in a hole and die. I thought I could escape this night without being awkward like this but I guess not.

"You trying to get rid of me?" he teases and I shake my head right away, "No I'm sorry I just-" "It's okay, I'm only joking" he says and I laugh nervously. "So why don't you tell me about yourself?" he says, giving me the most open ended question ever and I scramble to find something but I just can't seem to come up with anything interesting enough to mention.

"Well, my parents pretty much said everything there is to know about me over dinner earlier" I say and he shakes his head. "I want to hear something about you from you. Like what are some of your hope, your dreams, something you're passionate about" he says, being a little more specific this time.

"My dreams?" I trail off, thinking for a second and he watches me as I wrack my brain for something notable. "It's kind of silly" I admit once I've settled on something. "Good thing I've got a sense of humor" he replies, trying to encourage me to continue. 

"Well, I've always wanted one of my photos to be on the cover of TIME magazine" I admit and see his eyes light up. "I have a similar dream" he says and my eyes widen in surprise turning my body to face him, wordlessly asking him to share his too. 

"I'd like one of mine to end up on the cover of National Geographic" he relays and I smile in turn. "That would be perfect for you! Well, since the subject you love to capture the most is nature I could definitely see your work fitting right in!" I say, excited to see someone else who's trying to aim as high as I am.

"And I could see yours being a shoe in for TIME as well" he says, and I shy away from his praise. "Okay and what's something you're passionate about, and don't say photography" he says, interrupting me causing me to slump down, having to take another second to come up with an answer. 

He chuckles a bit at my reaction and I glare at him causing him to smile at me even more so look up to the celling as if it had the answers to something interesting about me. 

"Well, I really love reading. I know it might not seem like a passion but when I read a really good book and I find someone who has read it or will at least let me talk about it it's as if I gain a boost of energy and can't contain my excitement. That's definitely the nerdy side of me showing but that's all I can really think of at the moment" I say honestly and when I look back at him it's as if he thought I was the most fascinating thing he's ever seen. 

"Sorry, I think I got a little carried away there" I say, getting shy from being looked at like that, his soft gaze an expression I'm not used to, especially from someone I just met. "Um, your turn" I say, hoping to get some of the spotlight off of me. 

"I know this might be cheating but I do enjoy taking video and editing them. Even if it were as simple as filming Juni for an afternoon, it's something that if given the chance, would be something I could be extremely passionate about" he says and although it is cheating since it's somewhat similar to photography, I'll let it slide. 

"Have you thought about switching up your profession to include video as well as pictures?" I ask and he nods before answering. "I have but I haven't taken enough time to seriously consider it. Juni is still young and I want to make sure I have a stable income in order to take care of her and if I'm being honest I feel almost as if a career change could jeopardize that" he says and I watch him with the same intent that he had given me and he too seems to shy away from it. 

"It's silly since it would probably be a seamless transition but I can't help but feel reservations towards it" he says and I place my hand on top of his that's in his lap. 

"It's normal for a parent to worry about providing for their child. I don't think it's silly at all and it shows how much you truly care about Juni and her well being. She's lucky to have you as her father" I say and he cringes only for a moment before his expression goes back to a softer one. I want to ask what would've warranted a reaction like that but I leave it alone. 

"Okay your turn, what is something you hope for?" he asks and I already know the answer to it but I'm hesitant to say. I take a second to try and figure out how to formulate it properly but decide to just go for it. 

"I hope to be a mother and have children of my own someday. Doesn't matter if it's naturally or through adoption, I just hope to have someone I can love and care for unconditionally and watch them as they grow and change and pray I'll receive that love and care back from them" I say and he gives me a wary expression and I quickly try to backtrack, not knowing if I've messed up or not. 

"I'm sorry that was probably extremely insensitive of me" I say, pulling away my hand but he holds onto it and gives me a sad smile before responding. "I think you would be a wonderful mother. If you were to give your children even half the time and attention you've given to Juni today they would still be incredibly lucky to call you their mother" he says, reassuring me that it's okay to talk about these topics around him. 

"Last one?" I question, seeing if he's up to telling me something he's hopeful for. "I just hope that no matter what my family and friends stay happy and healthy. It might be simple but I enjoy the simple things in life" he says and I smile, seeing how truly kind and compassionate he is just from his simple answer. "That's a good answer" I say and we both chuckle a bit before we're broken out of yet again another moment by the sound of our mothers stumbling into the room. 

"Oh don't let us bother you we're just going to head outside with your father" Jungkook's mom says to him and I can see now from the warm glow shining through the glass door that they've finally started up the fire pit. 

"Oh we'll come outside too!" I say and try to get up off the loveseat. I'm able to stand but immediately lose my balance and feel a strong set of hands on my hips and end up falling into Jungkook's lap. "I-" I start, turning towards him and trying to get out an apology but stop short when I see how close his face is to mine, our noses almost touching. 

I hear our mothers head outside quickly and close the door but neither of us pay any mind, both focused on each other to the point where neither of us move for what feels like forever but was only a matter of seconds. When I do try to get up I feel his grip on me tighten. 

"I'm s-sorry, this couch is always difficult to get off of" I explain and he smiles. "Like I said before, you have nothing to apologize for" he says, his voice a bit deeper than before and it takes every fiber of my being to stop myself from looking at his lips but when I see his flutter down to mine I can't help but do the same. 

"Daddy, why is Ms. y/n sitting on your lap?" we hear Juni say and I immediately get off of him and throw my face in my hands, trying to hide the embarrassment written all over me but Jungkook handles it like a champ. 

"Ms. y/n just fell down Juni and I caught her. You know how I catch you sometimes before you fall?" he offers and she walks over to us, rubbing her eyes and immediately climbing onto Jungkook's lap. "Oh okay" she says, yawning again after Jungkook places a kiss on the crown of her head. 

"Do you wanna go see the fire that grandpa and Ms. y/n's dad made?" he asks and she hums in approval, still half asleep but wanting to go outside with everyone. "Okay let's go" he says, standing up with Juni in one arm and holding his hand out to help me up. I glare up at him and he smiles, knowing he's added to my embarrassment but I take his hand anyways and he makes no moves to let go once I'm up on my feet, walking us all towards the back door. 

Once we're outside though that's when he lets go so he can hold Juni properly while he walks down the patio steps so we can get to the fire pit. 

"Juni woke up?" his mother asks and Jungkook nods. "Yeah she wanted to come outside with everyone even though she is still very very sleepy" he says, talking in a silly sweet voice that makes Juni pout although her eyes are still closed. "I'm not sleepy" she says mid yawn causing me to coo at her and when she realizes I'm still close by she sits up off of Jungkook's chest and reaches towards me. 

I look between her and Jungkook for a second and he nods his head in approval and hands her to me, grabbing a chair afterwards for me to sit on and pulling up another one next to mine and looks over at Juni to see she's practically sound asleep again. "Are you okay with her?" he asks and I hum in approval leaving him placing another kiss on Juni's head before leaning back in his chair. 

"So Jungkook, what do you think of my daughter?" my mother asks and Jungkook chokes on air, not expecting the straightforward question. "Mom!" I scold and she chuckles, "What? It's a simple question. No need to give a complex answer, unless he wants to" she teases and I swear I can even hear Jungkook's dad chuckling at my mother's antics. 

They couldn't make it more obvious that they're trying to set us up even if they tried. 

My dad luckily somewhat comes to Jungkook's aide and hands him a bottle of water to hopefully help him stop coughing which it does thankfully.

He takes a second to clear his throat and I would be lying if I said I wasn't on edge, waiting to hear what his answer might be. "I think she is a very kind hearted and very intelligent young woman" he says simply and the echos of him calling me beautiful earlier on tonight attach to the end of that. 

"And would you like to see her again?" she continues and he then looks over at me, giving me a soft smile and glancing down at Juni before looking me in the eyes again. "We've already planned to see each other again" he says, memories of Juni's invitation to the butterfly shopping trip fluttering through my mind again. 

"Did you hear that? Jungkook has already asked to see her again" my mom says, calling over to Jungkook's mom as if she hadn't been listening the whole time. "Well technically Juni asked if I could go shopping with them" I explain and Jungkook chuckles. "Juni is a very smart girl" my mother compliments and Jungkook and I can't help but laugh. 

The rest of the night flies by and before I know it we're already standing in the doorway saying goodbye. "It's was so nice seeing you again y/n! I hope to be seeing you again soon" Jungkook mom says, winking at me. "Oh come on honey leave the girl alone" Jungkook's dad says, coming to my aide and saying his goodbyes as well. 

Jungkook's parents say a quick goodbye to Jungkook and Juni as well since they came in separate cars and I notice after that my dad pulls Jungkook aside and says something that I regretfully can't make out. Luckily he doesn't seem bothered by it as they smile and shake hands before my dad pats him on the back, sending him off with I can only assume is well wishes. 

Jungkook says goodbye to my mother and I can tell how much she's praising him, he thanks her for everything and makes his way over to me a few moments later and it's almost as if it was a ghost town with only Jungkook and I in the entryway now, with him holding a still very sleepy Juni in his arms. 

"Thank you for coming, I know this was probably a lot for you" I say, rocking back and forth on my heels and he smiles before answering. "I had fun, and I know Juni did too" he says and I can feel my heart skip a beat, "I did too" I reply shyly. He reaches into his pocket and unlocks his phone before handing it to me.

"Do you think I could have your number? You know, so we can set up that shopping day soon? I know Juni won't be able to stop talking about it until we go" he says, turning into what I could only describe as a shy teenage boy, asking his crush for her number. "Sure" I say, putting it in and calling my number so I have his too. 

"Let me know when you get home safe" I say and place my hand on Juni's back and whisper a quick goodbye which regrettably stirs her awake and I mouth a quite sorry to Jungkook but he smiles in response. 

"Wanna say goodbye to Ms. y/n?" Jungkook asks and she nods her head before opening her eyes and leaning towards me to give me a kiss on the cheek leaving me speechless. "Goodnight pretty lady" she mumbles before laying back down on Jungkook's chest. He chuckles after seeing my reaction and gives Juni a kiss on her head in response. 

"Goodnight y/n" he whispers to me and I send him the same sentiment and walk him to the door, watching as he walks over to his car and puts Juni in her carseat and then look back to see if I'm still watching and smiles at me again before getting in his car and driving off. 

"So should I schedule an appointment with the caterers tomorrow or...?" I hear my mother say behind me, making me jump before taking a few steps back into the house and closing the door. "Very funny mom" I say, walking over to the living room and plopping down on the couch Jungkook and I had been sharing a couple hours ago. 

"What's wrong? He's a nice man isn't he? Plus his daughter seems like she loves you! Why don't you give it a shot?" she asks and I sigh, sinking further back into the couch. "I don't know, I just don't want to get my hopes up" I mumble and she sits next to me, placing a comforting hand on my thigh. "What makes you say that?" she asks curiously.

"It's almost as if he's too perfect. He's handsome, charming, charismatic, a great dad and I don't know, he just seems too good to be true" I admit and she nods her head, understanding my hesitation. "Everyone puts their best foot forward when they're meeting someone for the first time. Just go out with him and Juni in a few days and keep an open mind. It's not the fact that he has Juni that's holding you back right?" she questions, trying to figure out what exactly has got me doubting. 

"No not at all! If anything Juni is an added bonus" I say truthfully and she smiles at me. "Good, because I think she's already become very attached to you" she says and I nod my head. "Yeah I think I have too" I mumble and she claps her hands, jolting me out of my train of thought. 

"Now all we have to do is get a ring attached to that finger and the three of you can live happily ever after" she says, getting up to clean up the cake plates that sit on the coffee table in front of us. 

"Mom" I groan and she laughs, "I want some beautiful grandchildren and if that handsome young man can't help you give them to me then I don't know who could" she continues leaving me sighing, not bothering to argue back since she is definitely right about that one. 

I hear my phone chime in my purse moments later after I walk into my bedroom to gather up my things to go back home and see a message from an unknown number but check my call log and see that the numbers match up from when I called myself off Jungkook's phone. 

I quickly add him to my contacts before opening up our chat and see a short but sweet message from him. 

'Home safe and sound. Thanks for having us tonight. Hope to see you soon?' he sends with a question mark at the end, clearly still wanting to double check on if I'll actually want to see them again. I wait a few seconds, my thumbs hovering over the keyboard before finally composing a message and hitting send before I chicken out. 

'See you soon Jungkook. I really enjoyed getting to know you and Juni. Looking forward to shopping for butterflies together!' I say and cringe once I reread it. 'Ugh could I possibly sound more desperate?' I say to myself and toss my phone on the bed, sitting down at the computer chair across from it. 

A minute later I hear another message come in and I practically lunge for the phone, praying I didn't weird him out but moments later I feel heat rushing to my cheeks and have to will myself into not squealing.

'We're counting down the minutes until we can see you again. Let's talk tomorrow and set up a date and time'  he says and I rush to respond. 

'Sounds great! Goodnight Jungkook'  I say, ending the conversation before I end up embarrassing myself even more but before I can even lock my phone his message pops up. 

'Goodnight y/n, sweet dreams' the message is so simple but it still makes me smile. 

"Is that Jungkook texting you?" my mom asks, poking her head into the room and I quickly lock my phone and grab my purse. "Yes it is, goodnight mom" I say, walking past her and straight to the front door with her trailing after me. "Oh come on sweetie you know I'm just teasing you. I really think he's going to be a good match for you" she says and I turn to face her before I leave. 

"I really hope so. Say goodnight to dad for me" I say giving her a kiss on the cheek and getting in my car to drive home. 

~~~~

Once I walk in I'm greeted again by Salem and he walks up and waits for me to pick him up. "You're such a little baby you know that?" I chuckle and he meows in response. 

I follow the same routine as I always do, carrying him with me into my room and rambling off to him about my day before hopping in the shower but this time I have a lot more to say, leaving me wasting half the hot water and causing me to have to finish up the last bit of my shower in a freezing cold stream. 

After finishing up and finally settling into bed I lay down and Salem curls up next to me. "Things might be changing around here boy. I only hope they're for the better, what do you think?" I ask after having told him everything and I'm met with the feeling of him purring and if that isn't a good sign then I don't know what is. 

"I hope he likes cats" I say, giving him one last pet before turning off the light and for the first time in a very long time I can finally say I've gone to sleep feeling content. The last thought that runs through my head is one that helps me fall asleep with a soft smile on my face. 

I can't wait to see him again...

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[petew21-blog]

I'm the dad now

"Come on Dad, this is gonna hurt both of us. Just stop fighting and let go. You're not gonna win."

The hairy man was alone in the bathroom fighting with himself, screaming in pain, grabbing his neck and trying to comfort himself. He spoke to himself, which may sound schizophrenic, but this wasn't the case. He was being possessed for the first time by his teenage son, Joe, who had big troubles at school for skiping classes. Joe wasn't usually the type to skip school, but there was this bully he wanted to get back at. He found way to possess someone, but it took a lot of practice to do. You couldn't just possess someone asleep, but them being awake was the thing that made it so hard. They fought and the more they fought the harder it became to stay in the body. But after many many hours of possessing multiple students of his for just a few seconds, he finally felt like he could be ready to possess his bully now. If it weren't for the letter from school that came in mail this morning. Joe opened it and saw that they asked his father to come by for a meeting with the principal. "Oh, no. My dad can't see this. I have to do something." An evil and slightly reckless idea followed.

And as you guessed correctly, Joe's idea was to just possess his father and go to the meeting himself. Did he think about the consequences? No. But that didn't matter now, because his father still faught for his body pretty hard. The only lucky thing for Joe was that his father won't remember the process of possession.

"I win dad. I am stronger. You have to sleep now and let it go!"

Few minutes of fight followed and then quiet.

Joe laughed with tears in his eyes. Sweat all ower his body from the fight. "You could have atleast made my possession a bit easier than this, dad."

Now was the perfect time to hurry up, dress dad's body and meet the principal. But Joe's teenage mind went to a different place. His dad can be late. It's about Joe's life. Not him. He only has to show up

Joe P.O.V.

"Damnnnnn dad! You have really been hitting the gym recently, haven't you? Maaan look at me" I didn't expect this to be so hot. I was a bit grossed out possessing my own dad, but now I might actually enjoy this.

"I never noticed, how really handsome you are, daddy." Hairy pecs, beautiful biceps. You're a real man, I'd like to be some day. Well... not someday. Now."

"It's actually not your biceps now, dad. It's all mine. Just look at it. So amazing. The boys at school would be so jealous. No they WILL be jealous. Just wait till I show them who I am now."

"Oh dad. Why the hell have you been hiding all this from me. I would have never thought about possessing that fucker Bill. Why should I even bother now about some dumb school shit. I can be an adult man for fuck's sake. I am the man now. I am my DAD."

"These muscles are so firm and tight. I wonder how many times a week you have been going. Might get used to it now." Wait, am I really thinking what I am thinking? Do I want to stay like this. No, this must be the after efect of possession, not just a desire to be the hairy dad of mine.

"Haha, I'm so heavy now that I'd most certainly beat all the boys in the football club. Well maybe not the quarterback, but everyone else I might. Maybe I should get Trevor to possess him. We could enjoy being two studs together. I would be a bit older, but I'm sure he won't mind. Especially not while we are exploring our new bodies."

"Which brings me to this awful towel." I dropped it on the floor where it belongs

"Wohohooo, much better. Damn dad, the razor stays clean all the time for a reason right? I won't change that don't worry. I'm pretty sure Trevor likes his men hairy. Not like he would know what a man's touch is like or even sex. But tonight he will. I will let him scratch my beard, kiss my biceps, massage my back."

"Oh boy, I have to go take care of this beast now. Don't want to cum in the principals office. Haha, I love being my dad."

#male possession #body possession #family possession #gay to straight

[really-fanny-longbottom]

THE NIGHT WE MET

Pairings: Batboys x Reader (platonic)

Summary: Azriel, Cassian, and Rhysand find something that will change their lives forever.

Warnings: Mentions of blood/injuries/abuse/death and violence (nothing too descriptive)

Words: 5.8k

Author Note: This is the prequel of Second Chance but it can be read as a stand alone if you wish. Also, since the other two parts were more focused on Rhys and Reader, I tried to make this one more focused on Cassian.

I hope you like it!

Cassian hated Windhaven. He hated it with all his strength.

No matter how many years, decades, and centuries had passed, he would never forget what he went through in that camp and how he was treated.

How he was still treated, it didn't matter that he had won the title of Carynthian or that he was the General and the Commander.

To them, he was always gonna be a bastard. 

Someone they wouldn't hesitate to disrespect or to spit on if it weren't for the seven red siphons adorning his body.

He hated almost everything about Windhaven. The males - how arrogant and violent they were and how they treated the females. 

Lord Devlon - how he managed the camp and how he treated him and Azriel. 

And the weather - despite growing up here, Cassian preferred the sun of Velaris over the rain and cold of Windhaven any day.

But the biggest reason for him to hate Windhaven as much as he did was how the females were treated.

It reminded him of his mother. His mother, who had to work until her death. His mother, who was taken advantage of. His mother, who was alone for all those years, he was trapped in this horrible camp.

His mother, the one person that he wanted to save the most but couldn't. He couldn't even remember her no matter how much he tried. And all of that, because some stupid male believed he was superior to her.

That's why he was here right now. 

Cassian and his brothers had arrived a few hours ago for another meeting with Devlon regarding the females’ training.

Nothing guaranteed him that he could make a change for those females, but hell, he was sure gonna try it. For her.

The meeting was supposed to end an hour ago, but Devlon's stubbornness kept prolonging it.

It finally ended half an hour later with Rhys' final decision that the females would be training three times a week during two hours before their chores.

Lord Devlon didn't like it, but there's nothing he could do against the High Lord's decision, so he had to 'suck it up', as Cassian made sure to tell him.

As the brothers made their way to the edge of the camp so they could finally leave, Cassian released a long breath letting go of the stress and anger that had built up in his body after seeing Devlon's arrogant face when they first arrived.

"That took longer than I expected," Rhys said, also releasing a long breath.

"It's Devlon. You know he never changes when it comes to the females." Azriel replied.

"Well, once a son of a bitch, always a son of a bitch." Cassian finished for them. 

Cassian's brothers laughed at his words, humming their agreements. 

"Az, I need you to come here for the next few weeks to verify if the training is happening." Rhys told him while they kept walking, "I know you don't like to come here, brother, but with the meetings between the Courts starting in a few days, I'm not gonna have the time." 

"I know, Rhys, I'll do it. Don't worry." Azriel replied indifference settling on his face, trying to hide how uncomfortable he is with these visits, but deep down Cassian and Rhys knew it.

"I'll join you." Cassian said, clapping a hand on his back.

Azriel's only response was a small nod and a weak smile.

When they reached the entrance of the camp, Rhys moved to stand in front of them and extended his hands. "Shall we?"

Cassian looked at the sky before looking towards his brother. "Why don't we fly today?" 

Rhys shot him an incredulous look, "You want to fly all the way over Velaris?" 

Cassian shrugged his shoulders, "Why not? I mean, when was the last time we enjoyed a good flight?"

"I agree with Cass," Azriel spoke this time. "Also, something tells me that we should fly today." 

Rhys lowered his hands, realizing that they were still extended, with furrowed eyebrows he asked "What do you mean? Your shadows?" 

"Yes, they're acting differently today" Azriel paused a second, "I don't know why but they got more restless about an hour ago." 

Confusion set on both Rhys and Cassian's faces, but Azriel just shrugged, not wanting to talk more about it and getting a little uncomfortable at his brothers' gazes.

Noticing this, Cassian changed the topic of the conversation when he saw Rhys was about to talk again "So should we get going?" He looked towards Rhys, a grin appearing on his face and amusement in his voice to match it "Don't tell me your age it's starting to get to you, brother." 

Azriel couldn't help the laughter that escaped his lips.

Rhys chuckled, forgetting what he was about to say to the Shadowsinger. "Cass, not to be mean, but you know you're older than me, right?" 

Cassian's grin didn't break. In fact, it grows even more. "Yeah, but unlike you, High Lord," Cassian bowed, exaggerating the movement before standing to his full height again. "I still train every day." 

Rhys rolled his eyes and scoffed, "Please, I'm still in form, Cass." 

Cassian crossed his arms over his chest, the amusement still present in his voice. "Sure, if you say so." He said while bumping shoulders with Azriel, who was still laughing.

"I am!" Rhys tells them, passing a hand through his black hair "Okay, enough, you two." He raises a hand gesturing to the sky with his wings appearing behind him. "Let's fly." 

Rhys turns around, ready to take off when his brothers’ chuckles reach his ears. Turning again in order to see them, Rhys catches Cassian, making a horrible imitation of him and Azriel not being able to contain his laugh.

Rhys releases a long sigh. "Are you done mocking me?" His eyes looked straight to his General.

Cassian holds his hands in surrender. "Yes, we can go now." A smile never leaving his face. 

As in sync, the three of them stretch their wings wide open before making their way into the sky with the sun already leaving so the moon can take its place for the night.

-

Cassian had been right. It had been a long time since he had the opportunity to fly just to enjoy it.

Their flight had begun two hours ago, and was going well. Cassian found himself enjoying the little things that only people blessed with wings had the pleasure to witness.

But his favorite thing was the view. That was never going to change. 

He had the perfect view of the sky that was now painted orange and pink with the last rays of sun disappearing in a few minutes.

He saw the sky changing to a purple before giving place to a dark blue that was now shining with the stars.

One more hour and they would be in Velaris. 

Cassian was eager to get home, after the day he had, all he wanted to do was to take a long bath, have dinner and go to bed. Maybe polish some of his swords, that always helped him relax after a hard day.

However, he was pulled from those tempting thoughts when his brother's shadows started acting agitated around their master's shoulders.

"Az," Rhys started, when the three brothers stopped flying and started levitating "what's wrong?" 

"I don't know. They just started doing this''. With Azriel's last words, a small group of his shadows departed from the Shadowsinger and made their way towards the south.

Following that direction could only lead them to two places: the Court of Nightmares or the border.

The males just stared at the shadows flying away, unsure of what to do and it was Cassian who broke the silence "Should we follow them?" 

Rhys focused his eyes on Azriel before asking him "You said your shadows were acting weird today. Could this be the reason?" He said, using his hand to point to where the shadows had been only a few minutes before.

"Maybe. I think..." Azriel wasn't able to finish his sentence after noticing that his shadows were coming back.

One of them made his way to his ear whispering to him the reason for their behavior.

The Shadowsinger eyes widened at the information that one of his little spies had just shared with him. He looked at his brothers before continuing "There's movement at the border." 

That was all it took for the males to resume their flights, now heading to the border instead of home, flying as fast as possible.

Rhys talons scraped their minds gently asking for permission to enter and when the other two males allowed by lowering their minds shields, an order filled their minds. Not from their brother but from their High Lord"Be ready for anything." 

-  

Blood. 

That was the first thing they were able to distinguish when they landed at the border between Night and Day. 

They could tell by the scent lingering in the air that it wasn't much but enough, so whoever or whatever it belonged to, was seriously injured.

Cassian reached for the two swords that occupied his back, he kept one to wield, passing the other to Rhys, seeing that Azriel was already wielding his favorite and precious dagger - Truth Teller.

Grabbing the hilt of his sword tighter, Cassian gave the first step, starting to follow the direction that the scent led him to. His brothers quickly followed him. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Cassian could see that the closer they got to their destination, the more restless and nervous Azriel's shadows became.

He didn't like the behavior the shadows were having, if it was a threat or a creature, they would've known by now, and the shadows wouldn't be acting like this. 

Cassian realized that in all the centuries he had known the Shadowsinger and his little companions, they had never behaved like this and that made him nervous. 

He made a silent prayer to the Mother. "Let it be an animal, please, just let it be an animal."  But deep down, Cassian knew it wasn't. The little bundles of darkness wouldn't be acting like this if it was.

Cassian released a long breath and prepared himself for the worst.

After walking for a few minutes in silence, the scent got stronger, and the General dared to look down. 

A tiny footprint covered in blood marked the ground. His line of sight followed the footprint, and he found more like that previous one. 

His breath got caught in his throat, and he froze for a moment, understanding to whom they belonged.

His brothers called his name, noticing the change in him, Cassian remembered that the males behind him had yet to see the footprints. The tiny little footprints. 

It was Rhys who broke the deadly silence. "Cass, what is it?" 

"It's a child." Cassian heard his brothers gasps, aware of the shock on their faces without having to look. 

"It's a child." He repeated, more to himself than to them, and without a second thought, Cassian ran.

- 

You had run away from your house after your stepfather had hit you again. 

It wasn't the first time or the second, but you had enough and for the first time in years, you decided to do something about it.

You were born in Winter, in a small village near the border with The Middle. 

You grew up with your stepfather, after your mother's passing when you were just a babe. 

Things weren't always bad even though he never liked you. The only reason your mom agreed to marry him was because she had a one night stand with your father that resulted into pregnancy, she didn't want you to be born outside of wedlock and be seen as a bastard. 

So she made a bargain with the male - if he kept the secret about you, she would marry him.

And so she did. She died two years later.

You also grew up with Marion, a old female who used to babysit you. She was kind, sweet and an excellent cook, being in her care was your favorite part of the day. But she was very old and by the time you were five, she had already left this life and begun the next one.

Leaving you with your stepfather.

You tried to hold on for as long as you could. You also tried to ask for help but the adults dismissed you, some saying you were just looking for attention, others saying you should be grateful to have someone taking care of you and not being in the orphanage. 

Although you would prefer the orphanage to that male if you had the choice. You didn't even consider him family, for Cauldron's sake.

That made you angry. So angry that you boiled everything for weeks, only to let it all out that day.

The day you stood up for yourself and fought back.

Unlike some other lesser faeries, you were blessed with ice in your veins. 

You were laying on the ground from the impact of the slap you had just received and when that awful male raised his hand to hit you again, you were quicker than him, grabbed him by the wrist and froze his entire arm.

Shock spread across your face. You knew you had powers, but you didn't know you could do that. 

The truth was that you didn't exactly know what you were capable of or how to use them. You never had anyone to teach you, so your control over them was non-existent.

The male's screams broke through you. Afraid of what he would do to you after that, you ran to your room, freezing the lock, and escaped from the window.

With nothing but a dress, a pair of shoes and a red cheek.

You ran and ran, and didn't dare to stop or to look back.

-

Cassian had been running for how long he didn't know, but it felt like forever. He knew Azriel and Rhys were right behind him from the shouts of his name that he was able to hear.

From the moment he saw those footprints, all of this felt like a nightmare, one that he couldn't wake up from. 

It was a nightmare that he wanted to end as fast as possible because Cassian wasn't sure if he wanted to find out what those marks were leading him to.

Once again, Cassian sent another silent prayer to the Mother, wishing with all his strength that she was hearing him "Be okay. Please be okay."

When he finally reached his destination, his heart stopped and his face went pale.

Cassian considers himself to be a strong male. Not just physically but also mentally.

He lived through wars, participated in countless battles, killed a lot of enemies, lost soldiers, friends, and a lover. He knew pain, violence, and torture. 

But nothing prepared him for the sight of a little girl laying on her side, with her back facing him, unconscious on the cold earth with blood in her exposed arms and legs, another amount of blood stained her dress and the ends of her white hair. Her feet were fully covered with blood, the size of them matching the footprints he found earlier.

His brothers reached him and stopped by his side. The males put away their weapons, without taking their eyes off the little girl.

From his right, Azriel spoke, "By the Mother. Is she dead?" His voice broke on that last word.

"I...I...I don't...I don't know." Cassian tried to speak, his voice weak, not being able to process what was in front of him.

Understanding his brother, Rhys rested a hand on his left shoulder and gave him a nod before stepping forward.

The High Lord made his way to the little girl - to you. His hands were shaking and his heart was beating faster than it should. 

But, then you moved. A tiny movement almost imperceptible if it weren't for their fae sight.

That made Rhys halt in his steps and the three males took their turns in releasing relieved breaths, a weight being lift from their shoulders.

You were alive. Now the only thing left to know was how injured you were.

Rhys looked behind him to his brothers, giving them a small nod before continuing his walk.

When you were only two steps away from him, Rhys stopped and bent down. From this closure he could only see half of your injuries.

You had cuts on your arms and legs, probably from branches, your feet covered in blood from walking or running on the solid ground, your dress slightly torn, and your skin extremely pale. 

He tried to listen for a heartbeat or a breathing. But all he could hear was the unsteady heartbeats from his own heart and his brothers.

"Is she okay? Please tell me she's okay." Cassian said, his voice betraying him, while taking a few steps forward, Azriel following him.

Rhys looked behind his shoulder, at the males, "I don't know. I can't see the full extent of her wounds." 

"Try to turn her around. Gently." Azriel said to him, his shadows still restless as they swim around their master's shoulders.

Rhys faced you again, he extended one of his hands to grab your shoulder and do what his Shadowsinger had suggested.

But the moment his fingers brushed your tiny shoulder, you opened your eyes and attacked. 

-

You had lost track of time. You could have been walking for hours or days, you didn't know. 

You didn't know where you were going. You just followed the stones that you found on the ground, at the exit of Winter Court.

They formed a kind of line, like a path, as if someone had placed them there for you, as if showing you the right path. They took you north, to the Solar Courts.

Every time you thought the stones were almost running out, many more appeared, always indicating the way. You thought it was a sign from the Mother.

You didn't think you'd make this far, but apparently you were stronger than you thought. 

Or maybe it was your stubbornness. The people from your village always complained about how stubborn you were, but finding yourself in this situation, you started to think they were right.

Now, you only had a dress to protect you.

You got rid of your shoes a couple miles back when you realized their noise had attracted unwanted attention.

You had the feeling you were being followed and watched, but every time you looked around, you found nothing. Still, you got rid of the shoes for precaution even though the feeling never went away.

Your feet hurt with every step you gave, but you walked through the pain and didn't stop.

Your stomach growled. The last thing you ate was an apple when you climbed a tree for the night, and that was two nights ago, or was it more?

Your throat was dry, the last time you had to drink water was when you passed a river and you couldn't remember when that was or if it even happened.

You didn't know. The only thing you knew was that you were too weak. Your were dragging your feet, your eyes were unfocused, and from time to time, you would lose your balance.

You wanted to stop. You just wanted to lay on the ground and close your eyes, but your instincts and your stubbornness didn't let you. 

But it wasn't just that. The feeling that you were still being watched remained, you weren't sure if you were or if you were just imagining it but you were not about to find out.

So you kept going. You refused to give up. You would rather die here than go back to that house. 

When the sun left and the moon came to replace it, bringing a dark sky with it, you thought of stopping for a few hours and starting again once the sun returned.

But your body beat you to it. Before you knew, you were collapsing on the ground, hunger, thirst, and exhaustion taking over you.

The last thing you remember seeing before closing your eyes, was a skeleton creature with a black cloak watching you from the trees, and you could swear you heard him saying, "Don't worry, child. They're almost here. Rest now, you're going to be fine," right before he dropped a handful of stones - the same ones that led you here.

But you weren't sure if that was real too.

- 

Rhys didn't even realize what was happening until it was too late.

You turned around so fast that he barely saw it. One second you were laying on the floor and the next one, you were biting his hand, right between his index finger and his thumb. 

The High Lord of the Night Court cursed out loud, shock and surprise spreading through his features. He had never been so caught off guard like that before, and especially not by a little girl.

He ripped his hand from your mouth and stood, shaking his hand slightly to the sting that you just caused him.

When he looked down and went to reach for you again, you were already gone. He turned around and saw you ran towards the General.

Cassian bent his knees and extended his arms to try to grab you but you were faster than him.

Before he could close his arms in order to try to wrap you in them, you dodge to the side and when you saw him slightly standing up, you took your opportunity and kicked him in his private parts. 

Cassian didn't have time to react, you were already passing beneath his legs to escape him. 

Your only obstacle now was the Shadowsinger.  Azriel was so busy watching you, this little girl, facing his brothers that he didn't realize it was his turn.

He didn't know what to do, so he followed Cassian's move and try to grab you too, but before he could even try, you launched yourself to his leg wrapping your arms and legs around it and then reached for the shiny dagger that was settled on the top of his hip, pulling it off and grabbing it.

The moment the dagger was in your hand, you let go of his leg and proceeded to walk backwards while raising your arm and pointing it at the three males that now stood in front of you.

Azriel was taken by surprise, how did you do that? He didn't even notice you had taken his dagger from him. Cassian was still bent over from the kick you gave him and Rhys was clutching his hand. 

The males were dumbfounded.

Cassian was the first to talk "What the fuck just happened?" He whispered with an incredulous look on his face.

The males changed looks between them before Rhys took a step forward that led you to take a step back.

He put his hands up in surrender and told you with a soft and calm voice. "It's okay. We're not going to hurt you." 

He tried to take another step forward only for you to repeat your previous movement.

Rhys stopped, and with a hand pressed against his chest, he said, "My name is Rhysand. These are my brothers, Cassian." He gestured to the General, "and Azriel," he gestured to the Shadowsinger. 

"We're not going to hurt you. We just want to help." Cassian said this time.

Your arm never flattered, dagger still pointed at them, your body still running with adrenaline.

Understanding that you wouldn't budge, the High Lord did the only thing he could do - he entered your mind.

He saw everything. Where you were born, your home situation, your stepfather and how you got here. 

Rhys showed your memories to his brothers, the three males now angry for the reason that had forced you to run away.

Before you could find another way to humiliate them, you felt a darkness fill you and put you to sleep.

Falling to the ground one more time, you released your grip from the dagger, letting it fall at your side and entered into a deep slumber.

- 

Azriel was the first to move. He walked towards you and bent down to pick up his dagger and put it back where it belonged. The Shadowsinger glanced at his shadows and saw they were calm, they looked relieved now that you were safe.

Still bent down, he removed the hair from your face before looking at his High Lord "You put her to sleep?" 

Rhys gave him a firm nod "It seemed the only solution. Unless, of course, you wanted her to make us look stupids again," he finished while smiling.

The males chuckled at that, still not believing that you managed to outgrown the three of them.

"I can't believe she actually kicked you in the nuts, Cass," Azriel said, a big laughter erupting from him and Rhys.

Cassian growled "Shut up, Az. At least she didn't disarm me." He told his brother before speaking in a low voice "Idiot." 

Azirel became more serious "Unbelievable isn't it? I only noticed she had Truth Teller when I saw it in her hands, how did she even do that? I mean, look at her," the Shadowsinger said with his hands gesturing to you.

They did. You were a child, and they were three full-grown illyrians males. Warriors. 

Cassian started to laugh again, and at his brothers’ gazes, he explained, "She's a fighter. She could've just ran but she didn't. She decided to face us instead. No other child would've done that." 

"Hum, that is true. I guess that makes her different from the others." Rhys concluded it.

Cassian removed his coat before making his way to you "We're taking her with us." 

Rhys said surprised, "Of course we are." As if leaving you there was even an option.

Azriel lifted you gently so the General could wrap you in his coat before lifting you in his arms.

Now settled on Cassian's arms, you moved closer to his chest, resting your head there and seeking the comfort of his warmth.

Rhys approached Cassian, took off his coat and laid it over you, making sure you were well protected from the cold of the night.

Azriel followed his brothers’ movements and did the same with his, "Since we are all giving her our coats, plus it's much colder up there than down here." He said, remembering that they still had to fly to Velaris.

The males stayed silent for a moment, looking at you to make sure you were fine before they resumed their flights.

"We should go," Rhys said while passing his hand through your head "Mor and Amren must already be worried and wondering why are we taking so long and she needs to be seen by Madja." 

Cassian looked up at the stars, knowing exactly what time it was by them "You're right. We're two hours late."

"Let's go home then." Azriel said for them.

-

Their flight to Velaris was faster than they thought. You passed the entirety of it sleeping peacefully in the General's arms, who would look at you every few minutes to make sure you were alright.

Before they knew, they were landing on the balcony of the House of Wind. 

Through the glass doors, they could see Rhysand's second and third in command. There was no doubt, the females were agitated with their delay.

The High Lord reached for the door handle before twisting it and opening the double doors.

He was the first to enter with Azriel right behind him leaving Cassian to last.

"Finally." The ancient one was the first to speak, a glass of wine or blood, on her hands.

"Where the hell were you? We were starting to think those bastards illyrians had done something to you." Morrigan yelled.

"Relax Mor, as you can see we're in one piece." Rhys said, trying to make his cousin lower her voice.

"Yeah," Azriel scoffed, "except our pride." He added.

The third in command gave him an angry look "What is that supposed to mean?" She yelled again. 

"Seriously, lower your voice, Mor" Rhys tried again.

"Why?" She said, not lowering her voice at all.

"Because you're going to wake her" it was Cassian's turn to speak, stepping forward with you still asleep in his arms. 

The females went quiet at your sight. The only thing audible was the wind from outside the House. Ironic, considering the House they were in.

Amren broke the silence "Please tell me you didn't kidnap the child." 

The High Lord gave her a confused look "What? No. We found her at the border, she was alone." His talons scraped their minds, and a second later the memories of what had taken place only a few hours ago filled the females minds.

While Amren chuckled at the memories of you standing against the males, Morrigan had tears in her eyes because of the ones of your stepfather.

The blonde knew very well what it was like to be a part of a family that wasn't good to you. But even in that, she was much older than you were. 

Cassian tears her from her thoughts “I'm going to lay her on one of the beds, why don't you go get Madja?" He asked her.

"Okay." Mor said, her voice barely a whisper.

-

An hour later, you were still in a deep slumber while Madja examined you with the Inner Circle present in the room in silence.

They saw as Madja healed your cuts that were now disappearing, and then moved to your feet that also started to heel. 

With anxiety taking over his body, Cassian can't help but ask "How is she? She's going to be fine, right?" 

The old female faced the General "Yes. All her wounds are already healed. Now, she may stay asleep for a few more days but that's normal. After everything she went through, her body is exhausted and needs resting." She answered him, but Azriel, ever the Spymaster, was able to see the look on the healer's face that said that this wasn't all. 

"But?" He made the first move.

The healer gave a long sigh and continued "She's too skinny. She needs to gain weight. A lot of it" 

"She will. We'll be taking care of her now." Cassian replied. The Inner Circle agreed with him, Rhys put his hand on his shoulder and gave him a light squeeze.

"Very well. Come get me when she wakes up." The healer said after packing her things and making her exit. 

Everyone left the room but the General. He approached the bed and took a seat on your right side.

He pushed your hair out of your face gently and kept passing his hand in your head in a tender gesture while he saw you sleeping peacefully for a few minutes, gathering the courage for his next words.

And when he finally did, he said, his eyes soft and his voice calm "Don't worry, little star, you're safe now. No one is going to hurt you ever again. I promise."

- 

You woke up four days later. When you got out of the bed it was already dark outside.

You noticed you were washed and dressed in a clean set of pajamas, and that you were no longer injured or tired.

Now, you were just hungry, and when the scent of chocolate reached the room you were in, you gathered your courage and made your way downstairs while following the sweet scent.

It lead you to a living room - a fancy and very rich living room.

Several paintings decorated the walls, leather sofas with silk cushions took place at the foot of the fireplace with a coffee table on which a vase of flowers and several books sat. A huge dining table with matching chairs occupied the other side of the room, and in front of you in a long corridor were two closed glass doors that led to a balcony.

Your gaze settled on the chocolate cake that was on top of the table, with a lick of your lips you moved towards it.

You loved chocolate and you were so hungry that you ate half of it. You lifted the fork for another bite before stopping in the middle of it, when your eyes moved to the window. 

Intrigued by the view, you dropped your fork next to the cake and walked to the glass doors.

You opened them and made your way to the balcony.

You weren't tall enough to see beyond it, you tried to stand on your tiptoes but it still didn't do any good. Looking around you, you found a large pot with a plant in the corner and as you moved to use it as a bench, a voice stopped you.

"Already exploring?" 

You turned around and found the General. He was no longer in his leathers, opting for more comfortable clothes and his hair tied in a bun.

He tried again "I'm Cassian but my family calls me Cass. Can you tell me your name?" He said with a smile.

You didn't answer him but you didn't stop looking at him either, almost like challenging him. 

"I presume you're feeling better since you almost ate the entire chocolate cake," He chuckled, and when you gave him a nod of affirmation, his heart skipped a beat.

Progress. It wasn't a word but he was willing to accept anything you had to offer.

His eyes moved to the vase and then to you, understanding what you were trying to do.

"Here," He said while extending his arms, offering to pick you up so you could do what you came here for, "It's safer this way."

He watched you hesitate for a moment, "I'm not going to hurt you. I promise."

And then you moved. You put your hands on his arms and let him pick you up.

He moved forward to the edge of the balcony with you secured in his arms again, giving you the perfect view of Velaris and the sky above shining with the stars.

After a few moments of silence, his heart skipped a beat again at your words "Y/N."

He turned his head so fast to meet your eyes but you were already looking at him and with a small smile you added "My name is Y/N." 

Cassian couldn't help but return the smile, his gaze softened and when you turned your head again to gaze at the beauty of Velaris, the General found himself saying "Welcome to the Night Court, Y/N."

-

Later that night, when you were lying in bed again, after Cassian had made sure that you were no longer eating chocolate cake but meat and vegetables, you heard that creature again.

As soon as you closed your eyes you heard him say "See? I told you you were going to be fine."

And he was right. You were going to be just fine.

You thanked him in silence before felling asleep, safe and sound in your new home.

Author's note: Thank you for reading! Comment if you wish to be added to the taglist. 😊 Also the beautiful dividers belong to @tsunami-of-tears

Part One Part Two

Taglist: @emryb @fantasyandshit @azrielover @shadowsingercassia @brieflyclassymortal @lilah-asteria @lure-of-writing @pruvii @olive-main @mybestfriendmademe

#acotar #acotar fandom #azriel #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x reader #cassian #cassian x reader #inner circle #rhysand #rhysand x reader #morrigan #amren acotar #amren #morrigan acotar

[webslingingslasher]

https://www.tumblr.com/webslingingslasher/721605644038389760/pregnancy-scare-with-fratpeter-what-would-he-do?source=share

Is there ever a pregnancy scare after they're in the girlfriend phase?

*cleaning out my drafts. mentions of pregnancy and a slight suggestion of abortion.*

you groan at the gentle shake you're receiving and you shrug it off while half awake. you're unbelievably tired and the small window of rest you got wasn't enough.

'trouble? c'mon, get up.' peter's hand comes down rough on your backside, you whine and roll over. 'but i'm sleepy-eepy.' the warmth of peter's bed is ripped away from you, he's holding the blanket in his hands.

'now i'm cold.' and while it's not peter's fault and he's only doing what you asked, you feel a little frustrated at the knowledge of not being able to go back to sleep.

'if you get up now, i'll shower with you. ten, nine, eight, seven... that's my girl, super proud of you.'

you might've woken up grouchy, but peter set your mood right in the shower and now you keep giving his arm little kisses. 'my handsome man.' peter speaks into your hairline, 'it's just a white shirt, you heathen.'

you softly dig your teeth into the thick of his bicep while his aunt has her back turned mixing up a side salad. you pull back without a trace and talk into his skin. 'and my man looks so yummy in it.'

'see? that nap energized you more than you thought.'

'that or your precious mouth and nice way you use it on me.' peter gives you a charming smile. 'you're on a roll tonight, trouble.' you wrap your arms around his and give a final mark, it's time to be a smidge respectful in his childhood home.

peter breaks away to refill your wine glass and top may's off. you thank him with a small kiss, may thanks him by asking him to grab rolls from the oven.

---

there's a positive pregnancy test in your shaking hands. each time you blink it becomes more and more clear, you clutch your stomach as if you already had a month nine belly.

'fuck.'

what are you supposed to do?

tears fall fast, they hit your palms and positive test before you look around the bathroom. why are you alone? where's peter? you think of your boyfriend, you think of how royally fucked this makes things.

call it selfish but you wanted peter all to yourself for a few years and now you're jumping forward a hundred steps. 'fuck.' this isn't fair to either of you, you don't have it figured out yet.

you stare at the test one more time, you need to be sure. you close your eyes and count to ten, no matter how many times you try, the answer doesn't change.

'holy fucking shit, i'm-'

about to piss your pants. you fly up from the bed lightning fast, hightailing it to peter's bathroom before holding your head in your hands. you're drowsy and reminding yourself it was just a dream, but it felt so real.

but, no, just a dream. it's a dream because you're not pregnant. you just had your period... you just had it... it's only been... your stomach drops, why can't you remember? in four seconds you are wide, wide awake and you're going for your phone on peter's nightstand.

it's three in the morning and you haven't had a period in at least five weeks.

'peter, get up.' you're not soft spoken or gentle, you're full of terror and he's about to be too. you push at his arm roughly, it stirs him just enough you could break through the sleep.

'peter, get up right now.' a slow whine, you're not playing and his stubbornness is about to have you wake up the entire apartment complex. 'get the fuck up, peter.'

you're mean but it's the only thing stopping you from going full blown psycho and curling into a screaming, crying ball on his floor.

'peter,' you rush out his name one more time, this time he responds.

'what’s go-‘

'i think i'm pregnant and i'm about to freak the fuck out and i really, really need you to keep me from doing that right now.' it hits all at once, you try to breathe but you can't. it's peter's turn to fly up from the bed, he only goes as far as he needs to wrap you in a tight hug.

'trouble,' the name makes you sob, you really are trouble. 'shh, you're okay, we're okay.' it's not fair of peter to hold you calmly as if he's not scared shitless himself. 'we're so fucked, peter. i ruined everything.'

your mind is spinning and your boyfriend is keeping you grounded. 'nothing is ruined, nothing is fucked. we're okay, i promise we're okay.' no, peter's not thinking how you are. he doesn't understand what you just did to you both.

'i did, i really, really did. we just graduated, we don't live together, you're still waiting for that research position to open and my boyfriend slash baby daddy is going to die because he's also spider-man.'

it's all ruined. you don't even know what you ruined and that's the worse part, you ended it before it started.

'hey, trouble. one thing at a time, okay? we have time to figure it out if we need to. do we need to go get a test?' you nod, the idea of your dream turning into reality makes you want to sob.

'speaking of dying, i killed the last three plants ethan gave me. so, how nice is that? a dead dad and a mom who kills.' peter hugs you tighter, he wants to push all your suffering into him right now. you go one further, this is the final nail in the coffin.

'what if i'm not ready to be a mom?'

'we have time to figure-' he doesn't understand. 'no, what if i'm not ready to be a mom?' a soft kiss on your forehead tells you he read between the lines, it also tells you he doesn't resent you for the idea.

'i'm here for you, okay? i'm here for whatever decision you make and we'll figure it out together. we're a team. and i promise you, trouble, i'm not dying. kid or no kid, i won't let spider-man be the thing that does me in.'

you want this with peter, you really do. just... not now. a baby this young was never in the cards, you feel like you shouldn't be in this position but you played stupid games and won an unexpected prize.

'fuck. peter, i really think i might be pregnant.'

peter's being a strong front because you need it but he's just as unprepared as you are. 'have you been feeling sick?' you shake your head, you've felt normal until this very moment.

'i had i dream i was staring at a positive test and it felt so real that it woke me up and then i couldn't remember the last time i had my period so i looked at my phone and we're charting into week five.'

peter almost lets a curse slip, he contains it for you. 'okay, we're okay. i promise we're okay, we just need to make sure if you're pregnant or not. can you wait until morning or do we need to go now?'

peter using 'you' and 'pregnant' in the same sentence makes you want to throw up and you can't blame it on potential morning sickness. you're disgusted in yourself. this wasn't the timeline.

you couldn't last another few hours in this state, you'd go mad in record timing. 'now. right now.' in under a minute peter is stuffing a hoodie over your head and a shirt over his. you feel yourself on the verge of a breakdown but peter's outstretched hand tells you he's here for it.

---

'what if you resent me in like...' peter's already shaking his head, you can't put a date on it, what if it's now? 'wait, is it already happening? do you hate me?'

peter stops with you outside of the bodega right up the road from his apartment, he had been listening to your spiral the entire time with a calm demeanor.

'stop. i know this wasn't the plan and i know this isn't what we wanted right now but i don't want you thinking i could ever hate you or blame you for this. i wish i could make you feel better about this, trouble. i love you, i love you more than i have ever loved anything. i love you more than i thought was possible. i love you more than any song or book or movie could ever describe. and guess what? i'd love our kid just the same. shit, maybe even more cause you gave me one.'

is it hormones or is it because that's the best thing he could've ever told you at this moment? you crush him in a hug, he's a little surprised but holds you just the same. 'thank you.' for the first time since you woke up, you're able to breathe.

peter doesn't say you're welcome because you don't have anything to thank him for. he's doing what he'd do if this was however many years in the future and when it was a bit more planned. 'i didn't bring my wallet.'

peter scoffs, 'you think i'd make you pay for this?'

'i already feel like a burden.'

'trouble.' you bite your tongue, if peter can be nice enough to hold a poker face, you can stop telling yourself he secretly hates you. you need an answer and it lies inside the shop in a little box.

peter's holding the test, you couldn't bring yourself to touch it. you're standing in front of the refrigerator section staring at the drink selection, more than half focused on your reflection instead. peter catches on and taps your hand, you blink awake and look at three different cans before your brain hurts.

'what should i get?'

'whatever you want, trouble.'

'i can't think.' you can't. it's either total silence and dissociation or racing thoughts, you don't know peace anymore. if you're carrying his child, peter can pick a drink for you.

'hm. are you in the mood for something flavored?'

sweet. sugary. something to coat your mouth with a lasting aftertaste even if the news you were about to receive was on the bitter side.

'yeah.' peter nixes the three shelfs of water. 'carbonated or not?' too much of a choice, you shrug half-heartedly. 'i don't know.' peter looks behind him, a different choice entirely.

when's the last time you had an icee?

you don't notice peter walk off, you slipped back into staring at yourself in a baggy hoodie. if you jumped forward six months, how tight would it be?

peter grabs a small cup, looks at the clear-blue box in his hand and grabs a large one instead. a mixture of cherry and coke, it's nearly freezing his hand. it's going to be enough to keep your mind in the land of the living.

you find peter, lean against his back and close your eyes, he makes small movements and allows you to rest your weight on him. you're tired. mentally and emotionally. 'trouble?' you perk up again, peter halfway turns to hand over a frozen drink big enough for four.

'a slushie?' you give it a taste, you sip it down until your throat burns. 'heck yeah. and look at that, you love it.' he's not wrong. you can't remember the last time you had one and this somehow just made things a little better.

'it's making me feel better.'

'see? everyone needs some sugar now and then.'

---

for someone who made peter get out of bed at three in the morning and force him down to the corner store for a pregnancy test, you sure can't stomach the idea of taking it.

if it's a no, it'll be the biggest breath of fresh air you've ever had. if it's a yes, you and peter's life is about to forever change and you don't think you're ready for that yet.

you might not get peter to yourself for a few years, but you have him tonight and that's comfort enough. 'ready?' you intertwine your fingers with peter as he asks and pulls you out the front door. it's a quiet walk back sharing your cup of sugar before you silently creep back inside his aunt's apartment.

'ready to pee?'

you shake your head, peter offers his laptop up. ten minutes into a show, you have to go. fifteen minutes, it's pressing. twenty and you're about to burst.

you're not ready for the answer.

you'd be a bad mom.

'i drank wine tonight, peter. that's so bad, i'm such a bad person.'

'you're not a bad person, trouble. guess what? no one knows they're pregnant until they know. it's not your fault you kept living life how you normally do.'

you might've fucked things up but you chose the best person to do it with.

'i have to pee.' for just a teeny, tiny second- peter's guard faults. he's just as scared of the results, it fills you with solace. you're not the only one here who doesn't want this, even if he won't tell you so.

'want me to come with?'

you shake your head and don't even look at the box when you swipe it from his desk. your hand shakes as you tear the blue plastic, it's dawned on you that this is the first time you've ever taken one. you never thought you’d be here.

you hold your eyes closed while you do it as if the results would show immediately. you snap the cap back into place and hide it behind you. starting a five minute timer, you wait on the answer to the future.

poking your head out from his bathroom you clear your throat. 'counting down.'

'how are you feeling? still doing okay?' you nod, you're really thankful he has your back tonight. it's nice to know that when you're truly falling apart, he's your backbone.

'i love you.'

'i love you too, sweetheart.'

you've been so good and so brave this whole time, you haven't cried once. but that just broke you and you can't place why. you try to will away the sting in your eyes, it doesn't work.

a broken whimper and you can't hold it in anymore.

you fall apart and before you could collapse to the floor, peter's tucking you into his chest and kissing your head. 'shh, you're okay. i promise you're okay, you have me. you'll always have me.'

'promise?'

'i promise, trouble. don't you remember? i couldn't let you go if i tried.'

'i know you said to stop but i'm really sorry and i need you to know that.' peter feels his heart break, he must've done something wrong at some point to make you think he could ever be upset at you for this.

but peter thinks you need him to accept it. 'it's okay. i know you're sorry and it's okay.' you relax and exhale into him, you stop your tears because crying is useless and it's only making you feel worse.

'i'm being so annoying, aren't i?'

'not in the slightest, do you see how long it took you to cry?'

you sniff and wipe away any stray tears before giving peter a pathetic pucker. 'kiss, please.' you're granted the slow and soft kind, the one that is just pure care and adoration.

'will you promise to keep having sex with me if i'm pregnant?'

peter can't hold in his laugh, you hear yourself and giggle with him. 'i promise, trouble. you can get it anytime. i mean, you already do, but with my baby in you- you'll get absolutely anything you want, whenever you want.'

'even if i want cheetos at two in the morning?' peter thinks that's light work, he graces your cheek with a kiss of the same kind. 'especially then.' it's not always rainbows and butterflies. 'what about when my belly pops, my hormones hit the ceiling, my feet are swollen, i'm hot all the time, and i just constantly scream at you?'

'you wouldn't do that.' well, you're not planning on it but you have no idea what effects this will have on you. 'but if you did, i'd take it in stride. if i was carrying around twenty pounds that made me constantly want to piss my pants, i'd be grumpy too.'

'we're gonna be so tired.'

'we already are.'

you chew on your bottom lip for a moment. 'what if i get stretch marks?'

'from growing my kid? couldn't think of anything sexier, trouble.'

it's not what was planned, but if this is how it'll be, you'll be okay. peter was right, you would figure it out. together.

'you have an answer for everything.'

'that's why you love me so much. you needed to find someone who could keep up with you.'

'and oh boy can you keep up and catch me.'

you match his smile, you feel good. you feel like things aren't so ruined now. 'it's my favorite thing to do.' you scrunch your nose up at him before giving a small jump to your alarm tone.

you end the timer. 'oh god.' that.

'don't undo what we just did. no more panic, we're okay with this, right? if it's a yes, we're doing this?'

it's terrifying to think you could be a parent in under a year but something tells you that you'll be just fine with peter by your side. 'yeah, we're doing this.'

peter nods towards his bathroom door, 'ready?'

for the first time tonight, you feel confident. 'yes.' you back up for the results, wrapping your palm around the middle until you're next to peter again.

you both take a deep breath and you finally get to see the answer.

peter exhales out, 'holy shit.'

your shoulders slump when you mutter out, 'thank god.'

'holy fuck, i thought my stomach was about to come out of my ass for a second. don't get me wrong if it was-'

'i was right there with you, petey. we could've figured it out but thank god we don't have to.' you hold a hand over your heart and feel calm wash over you. 'are we bad people for being happy about this?'

peter shakes his head. 'no, not at all. we're not ready for that yet, but now we know we could be.'

you think you're speaking for the both of you and you think it needs to be said. 'to be clear, we do want kids, just later down the road. and this was just a little scare but now that we know we don't want any right now, we should be a little more careful about how we do things, right?'

'a hundred percent, trouble. you said it before i could.'

'good.' you take another peek at the test, double confirmation. 'now can you please feed me? i'm famished.'

even if you weren't pregnant, peter would do anything for you.

'anything my baby wants, she gets.'

#frat!peter blurb #life after uni

[cloudcountry]

I sent my request via dms but I'm still sending an ask for the sake of it, woops

Remember to hydrate and unshrimp :}

SUMMARY: idia doesn't how how to react when you show up at his door late at night and reveal something as earth shattering as your most recent breakup.

COMMENTS: we talked about this in dms but i hope you like the finished product!! <3

I CANT TELL IF THIS OR ANGST OR FLUFF. MAN.

reading this against its def angst oops

idia has issues but you're gonna get him through them trust 💪

The sound of mindless clicking, fans whirring, and Idia’s steady breathing are the only sounds that can be heard this late at night. It’s not that the residents of Ignihyde are sleeping—no, they’re all tucked away in their rooms, either tinkering with new tech or in the same position Idia is now. His lower back starts to ache from his slouched position in his chair, and so he straightens out his back to ease the pain. His spine cracks once, twice, thrice before settling down, and Idia promptly falls back into his old posture.

He briefly hears your voice in his mind, a reminder to sit up straight and not surf the web too late. He blinks slowly, briefly considering obeying your imaginary command, before he rationalizes using his PC more because you’re not actually here, you’re out with your boyfriend right now.

Or so he thinks.

It’s as though he summoned you, your knock on his door, a secret knock that only you would ever use. Idia insisted on a precaution like that so he’d know when it was safe to open the door and when it wasn’t. So far you hadn’t abused the privilege, never using it when you had friends with you. In fact, Idia was fairly certain you’d created a new knocking pattern recently when you had friends with you, just so he could know it was okay to respond but he didn’t have to open the door if he didn’t want to.

It's the knock that tells him you're alone.

So this time, he wants to.

He stands up, pushing his gamer chair to the side as his joints creak from being held in one position for far too long. He stalks over to the door, shaking hands reaching towards the doorknob. Because of your boyfriend, he’s always kept his feelings about you under wraps, wanting your happiness first and foremost. Besides, in what world would anyone be interested in him? He wouldn’t even want to associate with you like that, the thought of dragging you into his darkness was too much.

The doorknob turns and his door creaks open, a sliver of light spilling into his room until the rest of it is blocked by you. Idia opens his mouth to ask what you’re doing at his door this late, especially since you have a boyfriend and if anyone should be hanging out with you this late it really should be him and—

And—

And you have never looked more serious. It makes the words die in his throat, his lips parted like a fool.

“Do you have time to talk?” you ask softly, shifting from foot to foot in your pajamas and oh Great Seven, did you walk across campus like that? There were so many bugs out at night and snakes too, and what if you tripped because you couldn’t see where you were going? You came alone, WHY would you come alone this late? You could have gotten hurt—

His hands are twitching as your eyes drift down towards them, watching silently as they shake towards and away from you, like he wants to touch you but isn’t sure if he can. You initiate, taking his hands in yours and gently pushing him back into his room, nudging the door shut with your foot as quietly as possible.

“Um...what are you doing here this late?” Idia asks softly, his hands in yours, still twitching restlessly.

“I had to tell you something. It’s nothing bad on your part, before you start overthinking. It’s something to do with my boyfriend, now ex.” you say, each word purposeful and slow, like you’re picking your words very carefully in your sleepy haze.

“You broke up?” Idia murmurs, ignoring the way his heart jumps in his throat. 

Of course he’s happy you’re single now. Of course he is. But that doesn't mean now is the time to start fantasizing about actually dating you. Oh who is he kidding, he wouldn’t be starting that, he’s been doing that. The last thing he needs to his feelings getting in the way and making things hard for you, you’ve been his best friend for years now, ever since he came to NRC you’ve always been in his corner, even though sometimes you don’t get to see each other that often and he’s not going to fuck this up because he likes you more than he should, no way is he going to fuck this up—

“Yeah. We broke up a few weeks ago.” you say, moving your hands from his and pressing them into your thighs.

“Oh.” Idia says dumbly.

You smile weakly, glancing around his room before gesturing to his bed. Idia feels his heart in his throat again—it’s the only place with room to sit, yeah, but it’s so messy and oh Great Seven what if his manga makes you think he’s weird and you never want to speak to him again.

You don’t even spare a glance at his mess. You just sit down and clench your hands in your lap, watching him as he sits down next to you. His eyes land on your hands, white knuckled and shaking, and it squeezes his heart when he thinks about just what your boyfriend could have done to hurt you like this.

Your ex, he means. Your ex. He’s never going to be your boyfriend again, even if he apologizes, because as much as you’re hurting right now Idia knows you'll only come back stronger for it.

It’s one of the reasons why he admires you so much.

“It...wasn’t something I was planning on broadcasting. And as far as I know, he hasn’t told anyone either. Not that he’s good at telling people things.” you remark bitterly, a frown twisting your lips.

“Was he not talking to you?” Idia asks, balling his hands into fists in his lap much like you.

“No. He wasn’t.” you sigh, looking down at his floor, “He wasn’t at all.”

His room grows silent again, but Idia hopes you don’t hear the gears in his brain turning. He wants to make things better for you, he wants to make sure all the time you have left with each other is good for you, he wants to make sure you can live the rest of your life happy with the knowledge that you’ll never have to think about this guy.

He wants you to be happy so he can let you go after you two become seniors.

“Is...there anything I can do?” he mumbles, eyes darting around the room for a distraction, “Um, I made a mini planetarium projection for Ortho since he likes the stars so much and I think I have it somewhere in here—”

He knows exactly where it is. Like he’d ever forget.

“—I have some games, um...which ones do you like? I probably have something—”

He’s fairly certain you’d love the game sitting on the bottom shelf of his desk. It reminds him of you whenever he plays it.

“—or would you like to watch anime? Read a manga? You can leave too, that’s okay, just let me walk you home so you don’t get hurt—”

Not again, at least. But he’ll do anything to keep you here with him.

You cut him off with a small giggle, your balled up fists now pressed up against your face in relaxed palms, covering your mouth as your eyes crinkle in the corners.

“I’d love to stay. Thank you, Idia.” you smile softly and move your hands away from your mouth, and Idia feels his heart jump into his throat again because of course you’d know.

You’ve always known.

He swallows back a wave of sadness as his mind reminds me once again that he will leave you one day, and that day will come sooner than he wants it too, that he’s cursed and he shouldn’t taint you too—

“Anything is good as long as it’s with you.” you laugh quietly, falling back onto his bed with a soft thump.

It’s like you were always meant to be there.

#rubia <3 #auburn's fics <3 #twst #twst wonderland #twisted wonderland #disney twst #idia shroud #idia shroud x reader #disney twisted wonderland #gn reader #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids,

I feel like advice on loneliness comes in only three flavors:

"It's all mindset, learn to embrace being alone and you'll never feel lonely!"

"Your head is lying to you, you have friends and they love you!"

"Here's a list of places you can go to hang out with people and make new friends!"

Those are usually well-meant and I'm sure there are situations where they do help someone feel better - but they're definitely not universally applicable.

The first one is even plain wrong: connection is a basic human need. You can't just "change your mindset" and turn that off, the same way you can't turn off your need for food or air or mental stimulation. Humans are group animals. We absolutely need social interactions to stay healthy and sane. It is true that some people do not need a large number of friends and are happiest with just one or two close friends, and it is also true that some people prefer to fulfill their social needs in other ways than what's traditionally defined as friendship - but that's not something you can (or should) try to train yourself to do, that's just natural differences and preferences!

The only thing you could "train" yourself to do would be to learn to ignore your social needs and bury them deep down under layers of denial... and you don't need me to explain to you why that's a very unhealthy idea. It's sad enough that so many people have to do that to not lose their minds in loneliness, we certainly don't need to celebrate an unhealthy coping skill as a "superior mindset".

The other two at least get a bit closer to the truth: the solution for your unmet need is not to kill the need, but to fulfill it... but that's easier said than done, isn't it?

After all, "Don't worry, your friends love you!" doesn't help if you have no friends. Loneliness is not always "all in your head": Maybe you moved to a new place and don't know anyone there. Or you cut off contact with all your friends after a big fight. Or you grew up neurodivergent (or got mentally ill at a young age) and had no chance to learn how to make friends at the age most kids do, and by now you have been friendless for so long you don't even know where to start.

Same with "just go to a bar and talk to some new people" or "Take a pottery class and you'll meet some interesting people there" - that's not factually wrong, but also not helpful if the reason you feel lonely is that you struggle to make friends (or even struggle to just talk to people). Which can also be part of neurodivergence or mental illness, or just be a part of your personality (shyness), or be a result of isolating circumstances (like having spent a lot of time in a closed environment, for example a long hospital stay, and now feeling unsure how to connect with people outside of that environment). 

And those are just a few of the many, many possible explanations why someone may be lonely that require a more individualized approach - which is why we can’t solve loneliness with any one-size-fits-all solution.

That may be a somewhat disappointing-sounding conclusion in a letter on loneliness, so let me also tell you: hope and support are always within reach, even if it might take some time and patience to find them. The key is to remember that your feelings are valid and that you're not alone in your struggle.

First, recognize that admitting that you feel lonely, and wanting to take action based on that feeling, is a sign of strength, not weakness. You’re pretty insightful for recognizing your loneliness and super brave for wanting to reach out!

Secondly, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to take small steps. Small, actually manageable steps are crucial in any healing journey! If it’s not an option to just go to the bar or that pottery class, then it’s okay to start somewhere else. Maybe a therapist, a support group, or even online communities can be valuable “training sessions” for social connections. Even reaching out to one single person can make a significant difference over time. Your journey to finding companionship and connection might be different from someone else’s, but that doesn't make it any less valid (or achievable!).

Lastly, do consider embracing new activities that you may enjoy - but not just for the sake of meeting others. It’s important to nurture your own happiness and well-being when you’re feeling lonely. Those can be activities you can try out alone and even at home, for now! Anything that enriches your life is good. Long down the road, maybe it will lead to opportunities to connect with others, but even if it doesn’t: it’s important to incorporate new experiences into your life.

While there isn't a universal solution to loneliness, I truly believe there is a path forward for everyone. It's all about finding what works for you.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

#lgbt #lgbt+

[soleilonthesun]

📸SAE HEADCANONS WHILE IN SPAIN ‼️‼️✨️

• I'm sure Sae likes Valencian paella. He tried it in Valenciana watching the Mediterranean Sea. Together with Leonardo Luna.

• When he had the opportunity to go to Spain, the first thing he thought about was going to the Puerta del Sol in Madrid. Liked it a lot! And he took a lot of photos!

• Sae liked the town festivals of Madrid. In fact, together with the U-20 they went to the towns of Madrid to drink and dance.

• When book day arrived, people were very interested in the culture of Catalonia and Aragon. On that day, a book and a rose are given on Sant Jordi. When he got home, or his room, he had many books and roses in his hands because he is known in Spain.

• I'm sure he liked the history of Andalusia. He went to the Alhambra! The red of her hair made him remember. Because the Almhambra is a construction of the Arabs from more than 1200 years ago.

• He try the Spanish Tortilla. I'm 1110% sure. Spoiler: He liked it too!

• When Sae found out that there was Holy Week, he was a little scared from the beginning because of the fires, the darkness and the Christian priests. Finally, he relaxed a little. Likewise, he liked the other side of "Spain."

• When he was in Madrid, he visited the Royal Palace and the Prado Museum.

• He really likes the Spanish poet, Federico García Lorca. He thinks that his poems are a brutal reality.

• He went to Oviedo and Cantabria to see the Atlantic Ocean. He was very amazed that Spain has like a sea and an ocean.

• He is still learning Castilian Spanish. Apart from this language, he is learning Valencian/Catalan.

• Sae Itoshi trains at the Real Madrid headquarters, at the Santiago Bernabeu.

• Real Madrid always welcomes you.

• Sae likes Andalusian flamenco. He tried the suit on, and it fit quite well. It seemed like an award.

• When Sae was recruited to Real Madrid at the age of 13, the change from country to country was abysmal. It was difficult for him the first few months, but he eventually got used to it.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>🇪🇸>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

# Behind the scenes:

Bachira: Did you really write headcanons for Sae while in Spain?

Soleil: HE LIKES SPAIN. I HAVE A LOT OF EVIDENCE.

Isagi: Well, my next tourist destination is Spain...!

Hiori, Karasu, Hyoma and Nanase: Let's go with you and Soleil will be the guide!

Soleil: EH????

Soleil: What have I done now-? 😃

#girlfriend fc #blue lock #blue lock imagines #blue lock headcanons #sae itoshi #bllk #fc girlfriend #bllk x reader #cf girlfriend #itoshi sae x reader

[torillatavataan]

Hi, I have a question, what is the shortest form of the numbers after four? I know that you can say yy, ka, ko ne, until four but what is the shortest you can go with the rest of the numerals? Thanks in advance!

Hi! Good question. In Finnish, we can indeed on some occasions shorten the numbers a lot. How we do it depends on why we're shortening the numbers and which dialects we speak.

What you are referring to are the short forms used for counting.

From one to ten, in standrad Finnish: yksi, kaksi, kolme, neljä, viisi, kuusi, seitsemän, kahdeksan, yhdeksän, kymmenen.

Here are the common short forms for counting: yy, kaa, koo, nee, vii, kuu, sei/see, kasi, ysi, kymppi/kymmene.

Typically one to six/seven all use long vowels, but when counting really fast, the second vowel can get swallowed and you'll end up with y, ka, ko, ne, vi, ku, se(i), kasi, ysi, kymppi/kymmene.

A slightly longer version is yks, kaks, kolme, neljä, viis, kuus, seittemä, kaheksa, yheksä, kymmene. These can be used in more contexts, so let's focus on the yy, kaa, koo etc. forms.

After ten (yksitoista, kaksitoista etc. in standard Finnish), you combine: Yytoo/yy'yy*, kaatoo, kootoo/koltoo, neetoo/neltoo, vii(s)too, kuutoo, seitoo, kasitoo, ysitoo, kakskyt.

The tens are: kymppi/kymmene, kakskyt, kolkyt, nelkyt, viiskyt, kuuskyt, seitkyt, kasikyt/kaheks(a)kyt, ysikyt/yheks(ä)kyt. In some dialects, all end in -kytä (kakskytä etc.) and some dialects say the vowels in brackets, others don't.

With the tens (in standard Finnish kaksikymmentäyksi, kaksikymmentäkaksi etc.), you combine like this: kaayy, kaakaa, kaakoo, kaanee, kaavii, kaakuu, kaasei, kaakasi, kaaysi.

From thirtyone and on: kooyy, kookaa, kookoo, koonee, koovii, kookuu, koosei, kookasi, kooysi. You can probably guess the rest, but here's a few for you to figure out: neesei, viiyy, kuukasi, seikaa, kasisei, ysiysi.

Some dialects use the tens like this: yksyks, ykskaks, ykskol, yksnel, yksviis, ykskuus, ykssei, ykskasi, yksysi. Kaksyks, kakskaks, kakskol, kaksnel, kaksviis, kakskuus, kaksei, kakskasi, kaksysi. Kolyks, kolkaks.. Nel'yks*, nelkaks... Viis'yks*, viiskaks... Kuus'yks*, kuuskaks... Seiyks, seikaks... Kasiyks, kasikaks... Ysiyks, ysikaks...

*to mark the syllable break because yyyy would be just a very long y sound and nelyks, viisyks, kuusyks can imply the syllables are ne-lyks, vii-syks, kuu-syks. Which they aren't, so don't remember these..! :D

I'm sure there are other combos out there, but these are common ones I can think of. I don't want to make it more complicated than it already is.

NOTE: As a rule of thumb, these short forms (yy, kaa, koo etc.) are only used for counting. You can't use most of these in other contexts. For example, you can't use these for telling the time, age, price, or weight etc.

You can use them when you're counting to a hundred while playing hide-and-seek, counting the number of jumps done with a skipping rope, counting the number of people or things, and so on. You also don't use these if you're counting backwards.

You can't say you are viitoo years old. You can't say you weigh kuukasi kilos. You can't say your grandma lives ysikoo kilometres away. You can't say something costs kaakaa euros. You can't say it's koovii minutes past midday.

You can say: "Kolmosella/kolmella lähtee: yy, kaa, koo!" (We'll go at three: one, two three!) "Aika alkaa nyt! Yy, kaa, koo, nee, ... sata! Aika!" (Time starts now! One, two, three, four, ...hundred! Time's up!) "Hirveästi kukkia! Yy, kaa, koo, nee..." (So many flowers! One, two, three, four...) "Ei minulla taida olla tarpeeksi rahaa. Yy, kaa, koo, nee, vii... Vain viisi euroa." (I don't think I have enough money. One, two, three, four, five... Only five euros (implies you have five one euro coins).)

In conclusion, these are typically used when you want to count something fast. You can also use these to count the seconds between lightning and the rumble of thunder, but it kinda defeats the purpose because you have to go yy...kaa...koo... etc. slowly.

There's a short, funny post I've reblogged about this here. :)

#vastaus #takeawaymysunshine #suomen kieli

[krowlovesinazuma]

How have you been? I have returned for more headcanons! And I am not insane yet again! ...Ei, Kujou Sara, and Kokomi with a reader that has a gun (pistol in this case) on them

Okay fine I am a bit insane

Read this prologue for context!

Scenario: Reactions to a modern pistol

Characters: Ei, Kujou Sara, Sangonomiya Kokomi

I'll be honest, you should make sure that Ei manages to fully understand the advances and culture of the present day Inazuma before you show her new tech. It will spare much confusion.

Ei isn't interested in military advancements at first, but once you perhaps bring it up as a small comment, or she sees it, she will bring it up, and once you mention it as a weapon, she'll definitely be interested and want to learn more.

Remember, she used to be a military leader, so she still has a keen interest in these things, even if she wishes to not wage a war again if she can stop it. So when she learns about it, she might start to asks questions that not many may know...

How does it work? Why is it so deadly? Can it be mass produced? How does one train to use it? She becomes very curious in very little time, and she may be a little disappointed if some questions aren't answered.

Doesn't matter if the questions tire you out or not, her curiosity is lit up, and eventually she'll start asking about a whole bunch of other things as well! The gun might not amount to much, but it caused a definitive change in her mind about your world!

She doesn't really see it as a threat, nor as a weapon she could possibly use, as she's confident in her own techniques, and power. She leaves it in your hands, and leaves it be, without much hassle.

However, if you're interested in self defense and weapons, she'd be happy to show you how it works in her world, while witnessing it first-hand! She might not be the best teacher, but it's the least she can do to pay you back!

"From your expression, I'm guessing you liked the demonstration. Isn't it beautiful? At first, I didn't think of it that way myself, but the more I thought about it, the more I came to understand how it can be enchanting to watch. Why am I... W-well, it's to return the favor, isn't it obvious?"

At first, she won't ask many questions about your world, or your belongings. It's not surprising, given her tendency to not make small tall, and her respectful nature about her superiors. Get her to loosen up first, then maybe she'll notice and ask.

When she learns about the gun, she'll pay very close attention. She doesn't like putting in her personal feelings towards military matters, but from the way you talk, she eventually notices that it's more of a casual talk than anything.

Once she relaxes, she'll ask more questions, and show curiosity, much like Ei. Her questions are straightforward, and objective, like how to use it, about the ammunition, and its use as a weapon.

When realizing it's value as a self defense weapon, she leaves it in your hands, although she can't help but think about it at random times afterwards, especially when she's relaxing.

After this, she asks about the possibility of other firearms, how they work and what they look like! It might be just memories at this point, but she can't help but be curious... It's a good topic to keep her engaged, and just chat.

This will eventually lead to her asking about military matters in your world! If you do know, expect to be asked about wars, tactics, and other technology used in them. Perhaps you could spare her some gruesome details, but she does listen to whatever you may share.

In exchange, she'll eventually speak about military matters in Inazuma, perhaps some that you weren't aware of when watching everything from outside! Just make sure to let her know that you're actually learning, and not omniscient...

"You don't mind that I'm asking questions like these, correct? I understand that war is now something of the past, and I should enjoy other things in this world now that it's behind us, but... No need to explain? Are you... Hm. I'm... Grateful."

Time for something a little different, as Kokomi is naturally curious of other cultures aside from the one in her home! So whenever you mention your past life and world, she naturally starts to ask questions!

If you show her your gun, she's immediately examining it, with just her eyes if you don't let her hold it, and the texture is just so strange to her... She examines it almost as if it's a relic of some kind!

Once you explain its functions as a weapon though, her more childish curiosity drops for a few moments, just in case it's something more serious than she assumed at first...

If you do let her hold it again, she'll be much more careful with it, and her eyes will lose some of that glow, getting sharper... Just ensure she doesn't overthink things, she's already done plenty of that.

Much like the others she'll leave it in your hands, but it's not hard to tell how interested she is! If you bring it up later, she'll definitely show how much she's been thinking about it constantly...

Once you let her though, she'll definitely storm you with more questions about both the weaponry, and the way it's used in your world, amongst other related topics! Much like the others, but there's a tone of spark and excitement in her voice...

She's definitely the one that remains most interested in the weapon out of them all, even if it's not to use it herself. It's to the point you can sorta predict what the two of you will talk about next time you two meet...

"I can't believe how far technology has developed... I can't help but wonder, how else has it developed? Even more, how far have other things developed? Ways of thinking, religion, warfare? So many wonderful possibilities to think about..."

#genshin impact #genshin impact sagau #genshin sagau #sagau #genshin headcanons #genshin impact headcanons #genshin fanfic #genshin impact fanfics #inazuma aficionado sagau #ei x reader #sagau ei #kujou sara x reader #sagau kujou sara #sara x reader #sagau sara #sangonomiya kokomi x reader #sagau sangonomiya kokomi #kokomi x reader #sagau kokomi

[phoebepheebsphibs]

Double-Mutated Mikey

Chapter 26: Imposter Syndrome

Continued from the short story written by @boots-with-the-fur-club

Prev || Next

"Wait, back up, so who is Bishop?" Leo asks.

Casey sighs with exasperation as he repeats himself for the third time.

"I told you, he was a commander in the resistance! He helped to lead so many refugees to the base, and even helped to lead it before you and your brothers took over. He was a good man, great instincts, manned several stations when you were absent... He's a war hero!"

"No no, I get that, I mean, who is he now? Why are you freaking out?"

Casey shakes his head.

"Oh, right, right! He approached me at the pizza restaurant, he gave me his number -- he works for the EPF --"

The room erupts into multiple people shouting and yelling, and Mikey whimpering and hiding behind Raphael's legs.

"Everybody, QUIET!!" Leo bellows, commanding silence.

For a moment, Casey can see the leader of the resistance standing in the room again...

"Okay, Case... what happened? He approached you, and...?"

"He offered to help," Casey says with a shrug.

"Help?!" Donnie yells. "The EPF?! I highly doubt it!"

"He showed me that they had some security footage of me," he admits. "And of... Leo and Mikey."

"What?" Leo asks nervously. "How?"

"They caught you on camera when you went to the tunnels looking for Mikey, I think," Casey explains. "He only showed me a pic... but it was you. You even made a portal on camera."

"Great," Leo sighs. "There goes my secret identity..."

"What do we do?" April asks. She'd arrived some time before Casey with some extra drawing supplies for Mikey. "Do we trust him? I mean, we shouldn't, right? They're the bad guys?"

"I don't think Bishop is, though," Casey protests. "He was a respected member of the resistance in the future -- I mean, alternate timeline... and I think he genuinely wants to help us."

"How can you be so sure?" Raph asks, reaching down to pet Mikey's head to calm him; the poor kid is trembling.

"He told me that Mikey has a tracker imbedded under the skin," Casey informs. "Why would he tell us that if he didn't want to help?"

"A tracker?" Dee exclaims, disgusted. "Impossible! My tech would have picked up any --"

"Dee, just check him. He hasn't been in the lab for days, how would you have known?" Leo says.

Donnie grumbles and goes to look Mikey over with his goggles. Mikey flinches under his gaze.

"What else did Bishop say?" Leo asks, looking back to Casey.

"He said that we needed to leave. They know where we are --"

"I could have told you that, I've been fending off their drones relentlessly," Donnie growls.

"He said they wouldn't give up. He said that they would use drills if they had to."

"Drill?" Mikey asks, turning to Donnie. Isn't... Doesn't Donnie use drills?

Wait... how does he know that?

A vague recollection of Donnie pressing buttons on his wrist tech and giant corkscrew machines erupting from the ground flutter into Mikey's mind. For a moment, Mikey is dumbfounded. Did he just... remember?

"Waaaaaaait a moment, what's this?" Donnie says suddenly, pressing his hand against Mikey's shell and lifting the scutes up. In the soft underbody beneath the armor, Donnie reaches down and touches a spot besides Mikey's spine. "I think I may have found it... aha, there it is. A foreign subdermal tracker."

Donnie pauses, looking for something.

"...But... just the one...?"

Mikey feels Donnie's hands curl into fists. He turns to look at him.

"Donnie...?"

"They took it out," he growls, low and guttural and deeply furious. "They took away my tracker."

"What?" Raph asks. "Dee, it's just a tracker, you can make more--"

"That's not -- you don't get it, I'm not --" Donnie stammers before grumbling and smacking his fist against the floor. "They took away my protection for Mikey. I put that there so I'd never have to worry about him -- about any of you -- and they took that from him. From ME. They took away my security for him, and --"

Donnie growls angrily, unable to communicate any further. Mikey chirps at him softly. Donnie doesn't respond, he simply mutters furiously at himself. Mikey climbs onto Dee's lap and hugs him, his tail wrapping around him for security. He rests his throat against Dee, creating rumbling purrs that he can feel. The vibrations ground Donnie, he stops, calms, hugs Mikey back.

"Sorry," he says, sniffling. "I didn't mean to lose focus. I just... it makes me so mad... they took everything from you... from us."

"S'okay," Mikey rumbles. "Donnie do good."

Dee smiles.

"Thanks, Michael. Okay, so back to the matter at hand... I need to remove and destroy that tracker!"

While Donnie has Mikey in his hold, he creates a small device with his ninpo. It looks like a miniaturized pressure gun, but with some extra doodads attached to it. Dee slides the device up under the scutes, presses it to where the tracker is, and pulls the trigger. Mikey yipes from the small pain, but the tracker is pulled out almost instantly, stored in a tiny glowing purple jar. As the old tracker is removed, it is replaced with a new, sleek and slender, bright purple tracker.

With the press of a button, lavender sparks fill the tiny ninpo jar and disintegrate the EPF tracker.

"All done," he says, releasing Mikey. "Thank you, Angelo."

Mikey grumbles to himself as he scoots away.

"Alrighty then, so the tracker is gone, what do we do now? Where are we supposed to go that the EPF wouldn't know about?" April asks.

Splinter suddenly snaps his fingers.

"The Hidden City! I'm sure I could persuade Big Mama to make some allowances for us and --"

"Why not just stay with Draxum?" Donnie interjects. "He's been asking for help to fix his old lab, anyway."

"Fine, I guess we could go there," Splinter grumbles.

"So, we're going on a vacay!" April cheers. "I can't wait to visit witch town again --"

"If they'll let you in after last time," Donnie chuckles.

"You know that whole thing was your fault, Dee."

"That does not sound like me."

"Anyways, let's all get to packing. Dontron, you call Barry and see if he can take us in immediately," Leo directs. "The rest of us will get to packing. Only essentials, guys. This isn't exactly a vacation, but we have no idea how long we'll have to stay in the Hidden City. Bring what you think you'll need for an extended stay."

The group disassembles quickly, each one going in a different direction.

Mikey isn't sure who to follow. At the last second, he chooses April, trotting a few feet behind her as she makes her way to the kitchen. She pulls out a cooler before opening the fridge. Mikey takes an extra step back.

"What you doing?" Mikey asks.

"Packing some snacks," she replies. "I kinda doubt Drax has any human food at his place, so I'm just bringing what I can."

"You come with us?" he asks, tilting his head.

"Yeah! Of course!" she says with a smile. "I mean, I can't stay the whole time, I still have classes and stuff -- but I'll hang with you guys for as long as I can. You're important to me, Mikey!"

Mikey hums. His tail wags softly, but he purses his lips as he tries to understand.

You're important to me, Mikey.

"...Why?"

April pauses, flinching at the question. She turns to face him, her expression concerned and maybe even a little hurt.

"What do you mean, 'why'? Because I love you, silly! You... you do know that, right?"

Huh. Mikey kind of did... he felt her kindness when he first met her. She cried for him. He knows she likes him very much, like his brothers do. They all love him.

"Yes."

"So, then why do you wonder why you'd be important to me if you know I love you?"

"What did I do to make you love me?" he wonders.

April sucks in a breath.

"Mikey, you didn't do anything to make me love you. I just... you're my brother. Of course I love you, regardless of what you do. You don't have to earn my love, it's yours! That's why you're important to me."

Mikey hums, pouting in confusion. It doesn't equate, it doesn't make sense. Shouldn't he do something? A test, an exercise or experiment, something to help her or prove his worth to her? She barely knows him, he barely knows her. Nothing about how they're treating him makes much sense. Especially compared to the labs. He had to earn everything there, he had to earn his own life most days.

"...What is your name again?"

"April," she replies sadly.

"April. April. April. Okay... Can Mikey -- can I ask another question?"

"Sure," she says with a kind smile.

"If you're my sister, then why don't you live with us or look like my brothers?"

April's expression looks shocked. Her mouth opens and closes, trying to find the right words...

"Hey, guys! I was wondering where you'd gotten to," Leo says as he enters the kitchen, interrupting and effectively ending the conversation between the two. "Whatchya doin'?"

"I-I was packing some snacks for us," April stammers, "when Mikey came in and-- huh?"

April looks around the room, suddenly noticing the strange lack of Mikey.

"Where'd he go?"

Mikey left the kitchen as soon as Leo came in. The soft limp and new bandages wrapped around his leg and neck made him feel sick to his stomach with guilt.

So he crept away while Leo was busy with April. Mikey sniffs the air, trying to find a scent of his brothers. Casey and Donnie are in the labs. Raph is in his room. Splinter is in his bedroom. Splinter is closest.

Mikey trots off to find his father. He hasn't spent a lot of time with him.

Mikey pokes his head through the sliding paper door, and spies Splinter holding a thick and heavy book. He smiles fondly at the pages. His ear twitches, and he turns to look at Mikey.

"Ah, Orange! Come in, my son."

Mikey hops in, sitting himself beside his father. He likes when Splinter calls him 'Orange', like the fruit. Sweet and simple. It makes him think maybe he can be as sweet as that... though he's not sure how he earned the nickname. He hopes he can live up to it.

"I was just packing up a few things, and found this scrapbook! Look at how young you all were..."

Mikey peers over the page and stares at the photos. They are such tiny babies... Leo and Donnie are in teacups getting bathed with a toothbrush. Raph is eating a strawberry twice the size of his head. Mikey is sleeping on a sponge.

April's not there. Neither is Casey. But, aren't they family...?

Splinter turns the page before Mikey can finish his train of thought. The next page has images of them all as toddlers. Splinter smiling in front of a lemonade stand run by Leo, with Raph crushing lemons into a bin behind them. Donnie is fiddling with a wrench and a toaster. Mikey is painting.

Huh. He looks so different.

Well, they all look a little different. Leo's stripes aren't as big or noticeable, Raph's tail isn't as long and spiky, and his scales aren't pointed. He doesn't have the hole or the chip in his shell and plastron. Donnie's head looks too big for his body.

But Mikey is so much more different. He traces his finger across the photo.

Splinter turns the page again.

Mikey gasps when he sees the next picture.

It's all of them together. Splinter, his brothers, April, and... and...

Is that Mikey?

Is that what he looks like?

Looked like...

Mikey leans into the page, his beak bumping against the paper as he sniffs it, hoping in vain that he can smell himself to prove that the child in that photo... is him.

Where is the tail?

Where are the claws?

The teeth are small and non-threatening. There's a gap in the upper jaw.

His skin is lighter, less spots. His shell is perfectly intact and whole, the patterns on it are bright and brilliant and beautiful. Nothing like the dull and scratched-out marks on his...

Mikey looks like his brothers. But not anymore... he had no idea...

"Orange? What is wrong, dear boy?"

Mikey is no dear boy. That title belongs to the kid in the photo. Not him. Not this monster.

Mikey slinks away from the photo and runs out of the room. He passes Leo in the halls.

"Whoah -- hey! Mikey, slow down, where are you--?"

Mikey doesn't slow down. He runs away and hides in Raph's room. Raphael jumps and shouts in surprise as Mikey hops up onto his bed and curls under the sheets.

"Aiiee! Mikey? What are you--"

He stops when he hears Mikey crying.

"Mikey? Big man? You okay?"

Mikey shakes his head no.

"Aw. Well, do you want me to sit with you?"

Mikey thinks it over. He lifts his arm, signaling for Raph to climb into the blanket with him. He sets down the box and sits on the bed, wrapping the sheet over his shoulder. The height difference between the two of them makes the blanket drape like a tent over Mikey.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Mikey shakes his head no. Talking about it will reveal how Mikey is lost. He couldn't even remember what he looked like! How is Raph supposed to love him when he finds out he isn't Mikey anymore?

He doesn't care what April said. He HAS to earn it. If he isn't their Mikey anymore... then whatever they think he did before doesn't apply. He has to start over with them, get their affections back for this new Mikey that they have. But... if that's the case, then he's off to a really rough start.

"It'll be okay," Raph promises. "You'll lick this."

Raph pats Mikey's shoulder, trying to comfort him. Mikey sighs.

This feels... familiar...

.

.

.

Mikey sits with his brother, rubbing his shoulder softly. Raph whimpers under the blanket, crying.

"Dude, it's not that big of a deal."

Raph peeks out from under his pillows at Mikey and whines.

"B-but your face..."

"It's just a bruise!" Mikey says, smiling brightly at Raph. His round face is slightly rounder, one of his cheeks is puffy and black and blue. Mikey had come in to wake him for breakfast and Raph had freaked out, forgetting he was home and smacked his baby brother in the face as he flailed awake.

Raph whimpers again, reaching out and cupping Mikey's swollen cheek.

"It looks so baaaaaad..."

"I'll be fiiiiiine," Mikey assures him. "It's all okay!"

"B-but I--"

"Raph." Mikey says sternly. "I scared you. You reacted. It happens. Do you know how many times I've been smacked by Donnie when I try to wake him up? And have you seen how many times I've kicked Leo in the face when he tries to get me to go to bed earlier?"

"This is different!"

"You're right, this time it was an accident, and not on purpose."

Raph sighs.

"You know what I mean. I can't... I don't want to be like this."

Raph subconsciously starts to scratch at his eyepatch again. His eye is still injured and slightly irritated, and he knows it will only get worse the more he scratches at it, but he can't help it. He's the protector of the family, the biggest and oldest and arguably the strongest... though, Donnie can carry them all with his hover shell, and Leo can block a mutant's punch without even flinching, and Mikey can flip a whole building. He isn't supposed to be this frail, fragile, frightened mutant ninja turtle.

Mikey's expression falls. His gaze softens. He scoots in closer, taking Raph's hand in his as rests his head on top of Raph's.

"You won't be like this. It WILL get better."

"How do you know?" Raph asks nervously.

"Because I know you. You'll lick this, like you lick everything. Nothing is too tough for my big brother."

Raph sighs with a chuckle.

"Some big brother I am, having to rely on my little brother to help me get outta my head..."

"Even big brothers need to take a break and get some sense knocked into 'em," Mikey jokes, smacking Raph upside the head playfully.

"Hey!"

"Haha!" Mikey jeers, jumping up and pulling Raph along the with him. "Now come on, let's go make brekkies! I'll do your favourite -- chocolate chip pancakes!"

Raph smiles, following his baby brother out the door...

.

.

.

"Mikey?"

"Hmm?"

Mikey comes back to reality and turns to look at Raph.

"You zoned out on Raph. You all good, big man?"

Mikey doesn't say anything. He reaches up and touches the area around Raph's injured eye. Raph smiles, and takes his claw in his gentle giant hands.

"...Lick this," Mikey echoes. "Y-you won't be like this. It WILL get better."

Mikey stares up at Raph, who looks like he might start crying.

"...It will get better for Mikey, too?"

Raph nods with a smile.

"Absolutely, big man. It will get better."

Raph hugs Mikey tightly before going back to packing.

"Hey, wanna help Raph pick out which plushies should go with us to Draxum's?"

Mikey chirps in agreement, hopping down from the bed and shuffling through the stuffed animals and plush dolls. The two organize the collection for a few minutes before Leo pokes his head in.

"Hey Raph, have you seen --"

Mikey jumps into the pile and hides.

"-- Mikey. Uh, what is going on?"

"We're choosing which stuffed animals go with us," Raph explains.

"But why is he in the pile now?"

"I'm, uh... not entirely sure."

Leo approaches the pile cautiously. Mikey's tail is still hanging out. Leo taps it.

"Hey, Mikey --"

Mikey bursts out of the pile of stuffies and runs away again.

He's not ready to talk to Leo yet.

Instead, he runs into the skate room and scurries up into the jungle gym Donnie made for him. He hides in the tube, waiting to see if Leo will come after him again…

Maybe if Mikey is quiet, Leo won’t find him… but, he sorta does want Leo to find him.

It’s hard to explain, and hard to understand. It’s the same as when he left the lair and got scolded by Leo. He wants the scolding, the anger, the unpleasantness to be done with so he can hurry up and feel better. But it's not Leo that's angry with Mikey... Mikey is the only one angry with Mikey. So, he's not sure what to do.

Twenty minutes go by before Leo finally makes his way into the rec room.

“Mikey?” he calls out.

Mikey unintentionally makes a despondent chirr. It’s quiet and soft, but he thinks maybe Leo heard him.

His theory is confirmed when he hears Leo walk directly underneath the structure he is hiding in and call up to him again.

“Mikey, come down from there. We have to leave soon, and I need to know what stuff of yours we gotta pack!”

Mikey doesn’t budge.

“Mikey, what is going on? Why are you avoiding me?”

Mikey doesn’t say anything. His tail twitches.

“Are you gonna come down?”

“Mm-mmngh,” Mikey mumbles, shaking his head despite the fact that Leo can’t see his head.

“…Fine then. I’m coming up!”

Mikey jolts, sitting upright and watching in surprise as Leo grabs hold of the rope and starts climbing. It’s not quite so easy on his leg, and Mikey suddenly feels bad for making him come up. But Leo isn't one to be deterred, and pulls himself up to wriggle through the tube tunnel. He smiles at Mikey, who crouches and slinks away from him sadly.

“Mikey, don’t run away again, I just got up here!” Leo gripes, crawling towards his brother.

Mikey whines, shrinking into himself. His tail wraps around him. Mikey taps the floor of the tube sadly. He won't run again... if only because it might hurt Leo's injuries.

Leo sighs with relief as he crawls closer.

“So what’s up? I mean, besides us right now,” he jokes.

He hopes it will lighten the mood. Mikey makes a half smile, but turns his face away from Leo.

“Mikey? What’s wrong? Do you not want to leave the lair or something?”

‘Not that,’ Mikey signs.

Leo’s smile falls when he sees Mikey isn’t talking at all. That’s not a good sign.

“Then what is it?” he asks. “Why do you keep running from me—“

The words stop in his mouth. His eyes widen. He’s figured it out.

“…Oh. You’re scared… of… me? Or of hurting me again?”

Mikey nods.

‘Leo going to be mad. Mikey… scared. Mikey hurt Leo, Mikey monster.’

“You’re not a monster, Mikey. We talked about this last night, and I already told you I’m not mad!”

“But I am!” Mikey snaps back loudly, tears in his eyes. “And I want you to be mad at me! It doesn't make sense, I don’t get why you won’t be mad at me!!”

“Because I already forgave you for what happened! It was an honest accident and —“

“But it wasn’t! I did that myself!! It wasn't Instinct, it wasn't sleepwalking, or whatever else could happen! I knew what I was doing, I knew I was g-going to hurt s-someone, and I didn't care who, a-and I-- I--!”

“But not me. You wouldn’t hurt me.”

“But I did—“

“Mikey.”

Leo's tone is stern, severe, strong. Not angry, but maybe a bit irritated. Leo reaches forward, and Mikey flinches, eyes squeezing shut and muscles tensing. He waits for whatever Leo will do. He waits for the punishment.

Mikey feels a pat against his cheek. A soft slap. It doesn’t hurt, but it does surprise him.

He opens his eyes and stares at Leo, brow folding in confusion.

“There. We’re even.”

“W-what?”

“I hit you back. We’re even. So you don’t have to be so upset about it anymore. I’m not mad, so you don’t have to be mad either.”

“B-but… that's it? That can't be it! What if I hurt you again?”

“I don’t think you will. Do you think you will?” Leo asks with concern.

“I… I don’t want to! But what if I can’t control it?” Mikey asks, digging his nails into the tube. “What if Instinct lashes out? What if I can’t keep myself from attacking someone again?? What if I really am a monster —“

Leo takes Mikey’s hands.

“Mikey… I won’t let that happen. You cannot ever convince me that you are a monster. Not ever. I don’t care what they did to you in there, I don’t care what bull-crap they made you believe about needing to earn things and what your worth is, but none of that is true. You mean everything to me, and I don’t care how many times I have to say it to you. I’ll say it every day if I need to! Mikey, we love you no matter what, no matter the mistakes or mess-ups or whatever else happens. We love you. And we want you to love yourself just as much as we do, so whatever I have to do to show you the real worth you have, the real value that we see in you, I'll do it. Because Mikey, you're worth -- you are worth --"

Leo hyperventilates, trying to catch his breath and force the words out.

"-- You are worth everything to me. I'd sacrifice anything and everything for you... I-I'd even go back to the P-P-Prison D-Dimension for you!"

Mikey stares at Leo, terrified. He has no idea what the Prison Dimension is, but from how white Leo's face went when he mentioned it, Mikey is certain that the 'Prison Dimension' is his version of the labs.

Leo is shaking. Mikey reaches over to take his hand --

.

.

.

It's been one of those days again... Leo is having a hard time recovering, and hasn't spoken a word at all. He made tons of jokes on Staten Island, and he talked up a blue streak in the tank with everyone on the drive home, but... once he got home... he went silent.

Some days (usually the days when he's high off of painkillers) he'll goof and laugh and joke and converse to no end. But they can see the mask, Mikey can tell Leo is secretly terrified about everything that happened. Simply because he won't talk at all about the invasion. He won't even recognize Casey as a part of the room. He just pretends it never happened.

But most days (like today) Leo sits in his bed in the medbay and stares off into space.

Mikey likes to come in and talk with him while he's being quiet but present. If Leo won't say anything, Mikey can say enough for the both of them.

And that's what he's doing now. Mikey just spent the past hour talking about a new Lou Jitsu reboot prequel television series he heard about. It looks cool, but of course will never match up to the real deal. He mentioned what Barry was up to during the invasion. He talked about what toppings they should get for Casey's first pizza once Leo is out and walking again...

But Leo seemed to not respond to anything, so Mikey figured he was dissociated. Mikey sits in the quiet, twiddling his tremoring hands.

"...I tried cooking again today," Mikey offers quietly. "I-I burned the eggs. Remember when I kept burning the food when you tried to teach me how to cook for myself? I burned everything in the kitchen! Heck, I almost burned the whole kitchen down!"

Mikey laughs to himself at the memory. It's a shaky laugh, and it turns into soft whimpering cries as he tries to maintain the positive facade.

"I g-guess my hands still aren't r-ready to do that yet."

Mikey's breathing speeds up.

"I tried to d-draw again, too. But the pencils -- my hands won't stay still. I keep sh-shaking. I keep, I keep --"

Mikey gasps for breath as he fights to keep the tears from escaping.

"I-I tried using my chucks. I hit myself in the face. I tried t-to paint, to do r-razzmatazz, I, I-I tried making a sandwich! I couldn't do--do it, I can't, c-can't --"

Leo takes Mikey's hand in his.

Mikey turns to look at his brother in shock. He wasn't sure Leo even knew he was in the medbay with him. But here he is, fully lucid and watching Mikey with concern.

"I-I'm sorry," Mikey blurts out. "I didn't mean to dump all that on you -- I shouldn't have said all that, you need your rest and to not worry about me, I'm fine , I just -- I thought you -- I mean, I just wanted to vent, but I -- You don't need to know --"

Leo pulls Mikey's hands closer and looks them over. The bandages cover over all the scarring that the mystic mishap caused. He smiles weakly, before choking out a quick sentence.

"Th-thank you for... opening the portal."

Mikey's eyes sting with tears. A lump forms in his throat. Leo hasn't spoken in so long, and... He looks up at Mikey, eyes welling up with tears. Leo starts to cry, sucking in deep breaths.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry you had to do that for me..."

Mikey throws himself across Leo, wrapping him in a hug despite the injury to his ribs and arms and legs and... well, to his whole body.

"Leo, I would do it again and again and again and again and again and --"

Mikey loses the plot and just weeps over Leo. Leo weeps right back into him. The two are a sobby, teary-eyed, bleary-eyed mess of martyrs.

"I don't care about my hands, I don't care about the cooking or the art or anything else, I'm just so so so so so so so glad that you came home!" Mikey yells through the tears. "I can handle waiting on my hands to get better! Please don't think that I'm -- don't think that you don't mean more to me than all those things, you mean everything to me! I really would open up a portal to the -- to that place again! I just want you to be okay!"

Mikey sobs, his tears so loud that he can't hear anything other than his own pathetic blubbers.

"...I love you so much, Mikey," Leo snivels quietly. "I'm sorry... I love you... Thank you... I know what you gave up for me... thank you... thank you... thank... I didn't deserve that... you shouldn't have had to... but you did... f-for me....."

"Of course, Leo," Mikey whimpers. "You're more than worth it, and you deserve every good thing. You didn't deserve to go through the pain you've endured, you didn't deserve to get hurt and scared, you didn't deserve to be trapped in a heckscape with an evil alien warlord. But for every day of the rest of my life, I will make sure you get all the love you deserve, and it will still never be enough..."

Mikey squeezes Leo tighter. He can't let him go. He won't ever let him go. Never again.

The two suddenly feel more arms around them, as Raph and Donnie appear out of nowhere and pile on the cry-fest hug party.

.

.

.

Mikey stares wide-eyed at Leo's hand in his. He slowly looks up at him.

Leo smiles, tears in his eyes.

Oh.

Mikey is starting to see his worth now... he did something... something that cost his hands for a while. Something that saved Leo from the Prison Dimension. Whatever that is.

Mikey swallows slowly, and looks back down at his hands.

They are not the same ones that saved Leo. They are the ones that hurt him.

You cannot ever convince me that you are a monster. Not ever. I don’t care what they did to you in there, I don’t care what bull they made you believe about needing to earn things and what your worth is, but none of that is true.

Don't think that you don't mean more to me than all those things, you mean everything to me! I really would open up a portal to the -- to that place again! I just want you to be okay!

You mean everything to me, and I don’t care how many times I have to say it to you. I’ll say it every day if I need to!

Because Mikey, you're worth everything to me. I'd sacrifice anything and everything for you... I'd even go back to the Prison Dimension for you!

Mikey starts crying again.

He crawls forwards and wraps his arms around Leo, sobbing into his shoulder.

"D-don't leave me," he begs quietly. "I don't want to lose you."

"O-okay," Leo whispers back, patting Mikey's shell. "You won't..."

"Please don't leave me..." Mikey repeats. "Don’t go away from me, Leo… I can’t lose you…..”

"Mikey, what are you talking about?" Leo asks, stroking his shell. "I'm not going anywhere, I was just --"

"Leo, please," Mikey begs. "Just promise me. Promise me, that... no matter what... I won't lose you."

Leo holds Mikey stiffly. He's not sure what Mikey is getting at, but...

"I promise you, Mikey. I won't leave, and you'll never lose me."

Mikey rubs his face deeper into Leo's shoulders.

"I'm so sorry, Leo... for hurting you..."

Leo shushes him and squeezes him tight.

"It's over and dealt with. We don't need to worry over it anymore, right?"

Mikey nods slowly.

"Good. Now, can we get down from here? I'm starting to get claustrophobic!" He laughs. "But seriously though, it's too tight for me."

.

.

.

"We're telling him."

"I thought we agreed that was a bad idea?" Donnie argues.

"I said it was a tough discussion to bring up," Leo retorts. "But I think he needs to know what's going on about the anti-mutagen hitch. And I also think we should tell him about the rest..."

"The rest?" Raph asks timidly.

"His contributors to his mutant DNA," Leo clarifies. "We said we wouldn't talk about it at the time, mostly due to the fact that he was mutated using Krang DNA. But I'm thinking that..."

Leo looks over at Donnie anxiously.

"...Since you don't, uh... well... y'know. Since it doesn’t look like Mikey will be getting un-mutated anytime soon, I think he deserves to know."

The trio are silent as they stand in Donnie's room.

"I don't know, Leo," Raph sighs. "Wouldn't that just... make it worse?"

"Maybe it'll add to whatever he's dealing with, maybe not," Leo says with a shrug. "I don't think he understands what the Krang are yet. I mentioned the Prison Dimension and he didn't even bat an eye!"

"But... I... don't want to tell him," Donnie squirms. "I don't want him to know I failed..."

"Well, obviously we won't phrase it like that!" Leo says, balancing on his heels as he leans back and forth with his hands on his hips. "But he deserves to know how his condition is going to progress, Dee."

Donnie sighs and clutches his bow staff. Raph pulls him close into a side hug.

"We're telling him everything. There's no point in keeping secrets from him," Raph agrees. "I'm just worried how it's gonna affect his mental health stuffs."

"However it affects him, we'll be there to help him get through it. And, uh, there is something else, too..."

"What now?" Donnie sighs. He doesn't mean to gripe, but he's just so tired of all these problems that afflict Mikey that he can't fix or solve straightaway.

"I spoke with April and Dad. I think... there might be something Mikey hasn't told us about his memory problems."

Prev || Next

#MIKEY BEGGING LEO NOT TO LEAVE AND GO TO THE PRISON DIMENSION #BUT HE WAS ACTUALLY ASKING LEO NOT TO LEAVE WHEN HE DISCOVERS THE TRUTH ABOUT HOW MIKEY ISN'T MIKEY ANYMORE AND DOESN'T REMEMBER HIM #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #rottmnt mikey #double mutated mikey #double mutation mikey #double mutated #desperately hoping that someone notices that what Mikey said to Leo in the flashback is the same thing Leo said to Mikey #mutated #double mutation #mutant #mutation #mutants #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt fanfic #fanfic update #fanfic rec #fanfics #fanfiction #fanfic #fic rec #ficlet #short stories #fic update #mikey angst #mikey and leo #rottmnt angst #sweet sweet angst

[whentherewerebicycles]

How is motherhood (so far)? It seems like such a crazy shift from one life to another!

it is SO good so far!!! here are some scattered feelings & thoughts:

i have been warned that a big hormone crash is coming and i am sure that will be tough to weather! but right now i am feeling so good - still just riding that endorphin high. i feel physically good too, like tired and a little sore, but really way better than i expected to feel three days after giving birth.

my transition into parenthood has been majorly eased by the fact that my mom is here and is doing virtually all of the newborn care tasks for me right now - nighttime feedings (i take over around 5am but my hands are so bad in the night), diaper changes, tracking how much he's eating, making food, etc. she is even helping me breastfeed because it involves a level of manual dexterity i am not currently capable of most of the time. i am so so so so so so grateful to have her here. part of me feels kind of guilty, like i'm probably supposed to be feeling way more stressed out and overwhelmed trying to manage the cognitive and physical demands of new parenthood, but i am trying to quiet that voice in my brain by reminding myself that there are going to be PLENTY of times in the future where i'll get to feel overwhelmed and exhausted and in over my head as a single parent. she is so happy and so excited to do this for me, and i am trying to just let myself rest and enjoy it.

it is so special to do this with my mom. i was saying to her yesterday, like, i can totally see how taking care of a new baby with a partner would be a richly meaningful experience, and i can see that there are things i am missing out on on that front. but also if i were doing this with a partner i wouldn't get to be doing this with my mom, and i would be missing out on an experience that i am finding just as richly meaningful and rewarding. i feel so close to her and i love her so much and i know that for the rest of my life i am going to remember how special it was to get to watch her love owen so much and take such good care of him (and me) in his first days of life. i feel so lucky. i thought i would feel SO overwhelmed but instead i just feel really loved and taken care of, and i feel really close to my mom, and i feel like we are the happiest little family unit right now. i love it so much. also she calls him "my little guy" and “my best friend” and i almost cry every time. hormones but also love, you know.

owen is perfect. i feel like i felt intensely close to him right after the birth, and then i had kind of a hard first day after in the hospital where there were just TOO MANY PEOPLE coming in at all hours and doing exams on me or on him, and there was no time to rest and bond with him, and i started feeling very overwhelmed and kinda like do i even KNOW this baby? this baby is a STRANGER to me and if i hadn't had a baby i would be at HOME right now in my own SPACE without anyone coming in every 15 min day and night to bother me. that first long hospital day was really rough and then i was relieved to finally get home that night but also super cranky and tired, and i couldn't figure out how to get my pump to work, and he got very fussy in the night and i was like AAAAAAA. but then we spent all of yesterday doing so much skin-to-skin cuddling and napping in bed which is just the nicest thing imaginable, and now i am like this is my BABY he is PERFECT look at him!!!! he is so snuggly and good.

i am glad that my brother had a newborn a couple months before i did because i think it helped prepare me for how gently boring the newborn stage can be lol. not in a bad way! it's so sweet and i think will involve lots of wonderful sleepy snuggling!! but they are awake so infrequently and do not have personalities yet, and you are kind of like hm. should more be happening, or...? but no. nothing more should be happening lol they will just be sweet sleepy lumps for a good long time. my nephew is nine? ten? weeks old now and is definitely starting to become way more alert/engaged, so i know a personality is coming haha and i will just enjoy my little sweet lump right now because he won't be like this ever again!! also it's nice to be able to just let him sleep next to me while i do other stuff. i think it will ease the transition a bit... like yes now we are on this endless cycle of pumping, attempting to breastfeed, bottlefeeding him, changing him, watching him sleep, pumping again, etc but i can read or watch stuff in between because he requires so little attention while sleeping (except for LOTS OF KISSES he requires LOTS OF LITTLE KISSES because he is so SWEET!!!!). also idk i am sure i will get bored of being off work but right now it has been so restful to delete outlook & teams from my phone and just be like who cares about weird office politics i have way more important things to do like kiss a sleeping baby on the forehead a hundred times and tell him he is the best and handsomest boy in the whole world. life is very good lol.

#baby tag

[herotome]

Devlog #141

Hi-ho, Wudge here.

I've gotten ahold of this tool from Feniks that helps you preview and put together sprite expressions, and it's been really nice...! My head hurts a bit rn and it's a bit hard to describe how it works, but I can say with relative certainty that it's already helped to make my life easier. It's rly good for making sure that each set looks cohesive and doesn't have any weird overlappy visual bugs (eg, if an eyebrow's shadow is somehow ON TOP of the eyeball, or if I used the wrong color for a specific upper lip png), and I've been able to start coding in expressions faster than ever before -- though I'll still have to playtest to see how it looks.

The tool has an addon that's really helped me get a bird's eye view of how many assets each character has - aka, what I have left to draw. Looks like I'll want a few for mouth shapes for Warden and Mia, and I have some exporting to do for Griffin. All three of their sprites have come a really long way from the demo release in december though.

Also, you may remember that I was struggling with bedroom eyes last week. I've since looked into it and it seems the problem was actually THE BROWS.

On the left: tired, not rly feelin up to it rn srry guys

On the right: less sleepy, maybe even intrigued

I'm not sure I have it exactly where I want, but it's an improvement. I drew in some new lips as well of course - and a few other parts of his face - I'll try to show off more of that tomorrow.

So yeah, I've pretty much been crawling through expression hell. Not much else to report, so I'll end the devlog here for now.

Stay safe and keep warm,

Wudge.

#herotome update #interactive fiction #oelvn #visual novel #otome game #english otome #otome #indie game

[moonbiscuitsims]

More Stardew NPC sims: (mouse hat vendor, travelling merchant, the witch, bookseller)

The witch:

The travelling merchant:

The mouse hat vendor:

The bookseller (new patch):

Here are the in-game references:

I gave some of them names, the witch is called Dominique, Travelling merchant is called Charlotte , Mouse vendor is still just "mouse hat vendor" haven't decided yet, Bookseller is Jude. So my witch sim is gonna be mischievous and evil (though nothing too bad), mainly cause that's how I perceive her but also cause I wanted the save to have someone I could be "bad" with. I might make the henchman later but not really sure if I want to rn. The bookseller is actually one of my favourites he's this weird kooky hippie old man with a kind of playful spirit who sells books and has a hot air balloon I mean how could I not make him? He gives me Doc Emmet Brown vibes but maybe less crazy. Though he is the type that eats raw garlic and does yoga in the rain so maybe he is also a little eccentric. The mouse is so cute I love how they turned out, and I'm happy with the travelling merchant too. Honestly I thought I'd enjoy making these kinds of characters less, and I left them till last, as they're barely even interactable/in-depth and don't have portraits but it was actually way more freeing to make them in fact, I wanted and do my take on them and I'm really looking forward to building their lots too. About the cc: I don't know if I'll do any lookbook/cc lists for my stardew characters for this save, it's mostly just a personal project for now but I'll consider it if anyone really wants. Also WCIF friendly 100%, let me know if there's a cc thing you would like for your game. Some of the content is just from sims packs. I swear to Yoba I'll try to upload some of the main characters/bachelors/bachelorettes too💜it's just that I took a lot of those off the gallery and have seen so many people do them and mine aren't that much better lol and also didn't really remember how much I've changed them.

🍄You can see all my other Stardew stuff (sims and builds) here🍄

🍄Simdew valley pixel art CC set 🍄

#moonbiscuitsims #moonbiscuitsimsphotos #moonbiscuitsims4 #moonbiscuitsimsstardew #simblr #sims 4 #the sims 4 #ts4 #ts4 simblr #ts4 screenshots #stardew #stardew valley #stardew valley fanart #sdv #sdv fanart #stardew fanart #stardew fandom #stardew npc #sdv npc #sims 4 cas #ts4 cas #the sims 4 cas #the sims 4 stardew #the sims 4 stardew valley #ts4 stardew #ts4 stardew valley

[jay-whyy]

Perhaps; Mixing Dazai Up And Putting Him Back Comprehensively

As a hater of Dazai Osamu from Bungou Stray Dogs, I'd like to think that I have a rather clear view of the guy. There's nothing about him in particular that pisses me off, but there's everything about him that messes me up.

I've been assigned as his kinnie far too many times, despite how I'd like to think that I'm closer to Fyodor Dostoevsky. My results have constantly gotten in my face, and I'm upset.

Personally, I'm not a Dazai or Fyodor kinnie. I belong to Fernando Pessoa, a jumbled up man, as most know his personality to be. Friedrich Nietzsche would suffice too, I suppose.

Nonetheless, the following is my analysis of the mystery known as Dazai Osamu. Please note that there will be comparisons made with Gojo Satoru from Jujutsu Kaisen.

Perhaps the only real thing about Dazai that we see is his suicidal tendencies, so I will be starting from that and spread my way out.

This is from the experience of someone who used to be suicidal when experiencing childhood depression, so many things might be off, but not too off.

I remember... My suicidal tendencies stemmed from a sense of pity for myself. Oddly, I was suicidal before I was depressed.

According to my information of that man, which is barely any, Ougai Mori took him in when he was in the midst of committing suicide. Obviously, the guy was already suicidal.

I see a descend into depression, throughout his years in the Port Mafia.

He didn't change at all when he defected, and entered the Armed Detective Agency. His mask changed, not him.

He put on a mask where he seems so close to himself, yet so far.

He switched up his tactics. Truth is, he probably doesn't care for Atsushi, his mask does.

Because, understand this, if a person can change, he was always capable of change, he just didn't want to.

Maybe Oda mattered to him, an escape, if you will. Or perhaps, a chance to discover a new mask, one that felt more comfortable.

And when we compare the oh-so-beloved Dazai to Gojo Satoru, Dazai starts to seem weird. There is one major question: Why does he need a mask? Unlike Gojo, he doesn't hold the responsibility and weight of his people. In fact, he doesn't have his people.

Perhaps it's a nasty habit, to keep the mask on. But... I refuse to believe that he hasn't tried to remove it.

I am to presume that his mask was removed for the first time when he was at Bar Lupin, when he feared things would start to go south. Yet, he seems so much more real then, as compared to during Oda's death.

I don't know if I'm going crazy, but that's what I see in my memories.

And I'm just now realizing that life is hard, because everyone in Bungo Stray Dogs is broken, emotionally constipated in some way. Except... Fukuzawa, perhaps?

So, to get back on track.

Dazai has no reason to be wearing a mask, but he is wearing one.

And, let's see.

They mentioned that Dazai and Fyodor Dostoevsky are parallels, right? I'm not entirely sure how they are parallels, because they appear entirely different to me, but let's analyze.

The only common ground I see between the two of them is their intelligence. Or rather, their thinking process.

Understand that Dazai is so much more complex than Fyodor's, because at least we understand that Fyodor has a goal, but where is Dazai's?

Often times, people mischaracterize their MBTIs, so I will be providing my own using Fyodor. Ultimately, their thinking processes are the same, just serving different purposes.

Fyodor is definitely an introvert.

Between sensing and intuition... That is where they differ.

Definitely thinking, and finally...

Between judging and percieving, I'd say it is judging.

Now, to comprehend this, we look at the difference between an INTJ and an ISTJ. These two MBTIs are so similar, yet so different.

For me, I feel that Dazai is an INTJ, constantly responding to Fyodor's ISTJ schemes. Why? Because I think Dazai should be able to complement Fyodor, and Fyodor is definitely an ISTJ.

The INTJ holds the cognitive stack of introverted intuition, extroverted thinking, introverted feeling and extroverted sensing. I won't be explaining what exactly the cognitive stack means, but in short, this makes him a crazy intelligent man who is entirely emotionally constipated.

He doesn't understand himself, which makes it so that others don't understand him. After all, how can the master of the house show his guests around his house, if he himself is unaware of every twist and turn, every painting on the wall?

And his intelligence, it's made possible from his keen eye to detail, cracking Fyodor open and acting accordingly.

And, I'm an INTJ myself. I can observe some parts of myself in him. I just never comprehended the way in which he functioned.

I'd always thought that Fyodor would've won, but Dazai came back on too because he can adapt. He can figure Fyodor out, and pull him along.

And his experience is what makes him so refined of an individual. The mafia didn't fuck him up; The mafia allowed him to thrive, thrive till he could survive, till he could figure out the mask that people liked.

#spilled thoughts #spilled ink #thoughts #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd dazai #bungo stray dogs #dazai osamu #bsd dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs dazai #port mafia #analysis #character concept #character analysis

[conjuring-ghouls]

Comfort Movie Tag

I was tagged by @terzosghestie (thank u so much for tagging me! 🖤)

1. The Mummy (1999)

2. Back to the Future (1985)

3. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011) (the book's way better, but I still like this one)

4. Shutter Island (2010)

5. Jane Eyre (2011)

6. The Lord of the Rings (2001)

7. Jurassic Park (1993)

8. Signs (2002)

9. When Marnie Was There (2014)

10. War of the Worlds (2005)

Tagging (with no pressure!): @johnpauljones @sxnnelysister @terzosprimemover @5x04dean @cardi-c and whoever else would like to to this!

#they're in no particular order #i'm sure there's many more i'm not remembering now! #sorry if you've already been tagged! #that was fun! #i love tag games #i wanted to add so many horror ones but they're not exactly comfort movies lmao #not ghost #tag game

[alsojnpie]

dishes are forever

#I MISSED HAVING A TABLET!!!! #ht papyrus #a gentle touch when you're sad #a menacing touch when it would be funny #he can do it all #LITTLE PRO TIP LIFE HACK THOUGH: IF WASHING DISHES MAKES YOU WANT TO LIVE ON A DIFFERENT PLANET #MAYBE YOU HAVE TOO MANY DANG DISHES #BEING IN A SITUATION WHERE I HAVE 80% FEWER DISHES THAN BEFORE MEANS I DO DISHES MORE OFTEN BUT IT'S SO EASY #AND NOT SOUL SUCKING AT ALL #JUST MY EXPERIENCE!!!!!! THAT'S ALL #I'm sure when i am reunited with my other dishes i will languish in bed staring at this psyching myself up to the task #but i like keeping random jars from food i bought and dishes that i picked up in different places. #they physically remind me of everywhere I've been and sometimes i just look at them and remember where I've been #my favorite is the old ratatouille jar i bought at carrefour in Chengdu #that jarred ratatouille was the nastiest food to grace this earth #i bought it in case it would make a quick easy meal (you don't really find those at the grocery store in China at least not back then) #but even my cheap lazy self couldn't eat it #so no one ever consumed that ratatouille but the jar was pretty big so i put other stuff in it and now it's my dish #and somehow the label is glued on PERMANENTLY it has never washed off after all these years #actually idk maybe it eventually did it isn't here for me to look at but it lasted a long time i know that