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thursdaywritings · 2 years

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Social Media Blues

Bucky Barnes x Daughter!Reader

A/N: hello y’all this is like my first ever fic so pls do not judge me too harshly </3

Request: hi could you do bucky barnes x daughter!reader where he accidentally finds out that she is gay and maybe different pronouns? like he finds her social media and it kind of outs her i don’t know haha. maybe some angst but then fluff at the end?? ty and happy holidays!

Warnings; being outed & not being accepted, homophobia, but fluff at the end dw

Word Count; 2.1k

Coming out was never something you had an immense urge to do, you were content being closeted. Growing up as a lesbian in the 40s was rough, even decades later the fear and trauma you faced towered over you, eating you alive daily.

As you adjusted to the 21st century, you were set up with social media accounts. Most public, but you had private accounts for the closest of your circle. Which is where you met your girlfriend of eight months, nine next Tuesday, but who’s counting? You had finally gotten together after months of commenting jokingly flirtatious words on each other's Instagram posts. It wasn’t a surprise to your mutual friends when you got together, lightheartedly rolling their eyes as they commented various forms of “finally!” on your private relationship debut. But, it would be a surprise to everyone else in your life. Most importantly, your father Bucky Barnes, and your not-by-blood uncle, Steve Rogers. Thinking about it too much made your stomach like, clench up, and the feelings of spinning nausea wash over you.

It was now the middle of June. Wincing as you turned on the blinding light of your phone while laying in bed late into the night because let’s be real here, you had no clue what “dark mode” is. Opening your photo gallery, smiling as you swipe through the abundance of images taken of your girlfriend & you at yesterday’s sunset date. On a whim, you decide to change your profile picture to an almost, silhouette-esque photo of you & your girlfriend kissing. Noticing the new pronoun feature, you decide to add those as well. You could feel your heartbeat race as you hit the “done” button and excitedly spam your girlfriend with the news, falling asleep with a smile on your face minutes later.

3 am rolls around, your father & uncle heading up to the shared apartment floor after a grueling mission, snapping back into reality when the elevator dings. They go their separate ways with a small nod, and Bucky ever so softly opens your door to check in on you. The first night he got you back a couple of years ago, you could have sworn you heard the door open at least 30 times throughout the night. Seeing you safe & sleeping, he haphazardly unloads his baggage in his room and flops down on the couch. The soft buzz of the TV is the only sound to be heard that late, and he mindlessly flips through several different channels before sighing and giving up. He never used his phone much, as to him, there was no need besides the occasional text to you or Steve. Maybe even Sam, granted they weren’t in a petty fight. He taps on Instagram, furrowing his brows as he comes across an account in his recommended with a profile picture that looks strangely like you. His daughter. Kissing someone, another girl. A girl you had never brought around him, but with Bucky being Bucky, he knew who she was. His breath hitches as his eyes frantically scan the little information your account provides, nothin’ but a short bio, the profile picture, and what he learned to be pronouns. His face scrunches up in confusion as he realizes your pronouns aren’t well, typical.

He shuts his phone off and faces it flat down beside him on the couch. He runs his hands through his hair while trying to process all of this new information. How could his baby girl be a lesbian? I mean, he was the last guy to be homophobic, or anything of that sort, but being a man of the 40s he still had the occasional old thoughts. He had assumed you dead for decades before you were found, hoping you had married the guy of your dreams and had kids, maybe even grandkids. His teammates constantly teased him about how he was going to have to deal with boys takin’ ya out soon. This is not what he had hoped for, or thought, not at all.

He doesn’t sleep that night. Your alarm blares at 6 am, rolling over to slam it off. Begrudgingly, you make your way out of your room to the kitchen, finding Steve already eating breakfast at the bar. He looks up to give you a friendly smile before quickly getting back to his food. “Have you seen dad?” you question, as he was usually up way before 6. Swallowing quickly Steve answers “Uh. No, actually. We did get back, quite late though. Could still be sleepin’. Ya know how he is.” You really didn’t know what Steve meant, but you nod anyway and sit down as Steve is getting up. Checking the time, he gives you a quick side hug and heads to training after cleaning up.

Hearing the elevator close, Bucky makes his way out of his room, refusing to meet your concerned eyes for several minutes. “Hellloo? How was the mission?” you say for the second time. He looks up and mumbles a quick, incomprehensible response under his breath. Guess he wasn’t in a talking mood, you thought before rinsing your bowl under the sink. You could feel the thick tension in the room and you didn’t understand why. Deciding to get out of the tower for the day to escape it, you quietly turn to go towards your room. “Wait.”, the unmistakable voice of your father harshly states. “Sit down, please.” Nervously you slide a chair out across from him and sit waiting for whatever bomb he’s about to drop on you. Fumbling with his phone, he pulls up your not-so-secret profile and slides it over to you. “Can you..explain to me this?”

You gaze bewilderedly at the profile picture as if it was staring back just mocking you. Even though your eyes are clearly welling with thick tears, you try to play it cool, and frantically think of a B.S excuse along the lines of “Ohhhhh. That’s a like, really really old private account I made. Completely forgot about it. You know how like, the media and uh. Public get, just wanted a place I could not have to worry about all..that?” He looks up at you unimpressed. He’s old, not stupid.

“Are you..gay? What’s with the..kissing?” he manages to choke out in a repulsed tone. You stare down at the table, transfixed in studying the diverse patterns and grain in an attempt to focus on something, anything other than the fact that your life is crashing around you. You know there's no getting out of it, this wasn’t how you had planned this going at all. There was no plan in the first place. Tears are spilling down your face and yet, he’s still staring blankly at you. “I...I’m a lesbian. I’m sorry. I...I don’t know.” you mumble out in a haze, your head in your hands. Bucky pushes himself back, stumbling out of his chair to pace in endless circles around the kitchen. You watch him through your fingers as your heart sinks further and further down. Sobs wrack through your body as you desperately spew every built-up thought out “This..this is exactly why I didn’t tell you! I knew you would react like this. I knew it. I didn’t want to believe it, but you proved me right once again. Do you know how hard this has been for me..for years! Years, dad. I’m sorry. I tried so hard to “fix” myself so it wouldn’t come down to this, I never wanted you to find out.” He watched you quietly as you briskly walked away from the scene of the near murder, attempting to slow your exceedingly accelerated heartbeat.

The lighting dims and you have yourself still locked in your room, not being able to bare facing him again. It’s now 11 pm, laying half-asleep in your bed until you hear a faint knock at your door. “Just..go please.” The golden round doorknob jiggles and you groan in annoyance as it opens. “Don’t worry, it’s just me. Buck’s not around.” your favorite (and only) uncle softly says. You nod and feel the corner of your bed dip down as Steve sits down

“My opinion? I think he’s a total dick for all that. Don’t tell anyone I said that, but it’s true.” A faint smile tugged at the corners of your lips at the curse word Steve just dropped. “I didn’t really plan what I was going to say, but I’m proud-a ya, kid. This...It doesn’t change my opinions towards you, not even in the slightest. I’m sorry for what he did, you don’t deserve this.” he rants. “Thank you, Steve. It’s nice to know that Captain America has my back.” you tease. “‘Course’. Would really love to meet this girl of yours sometime though. Swing her around whenever you two are comfortable.” he smiles and pats your knee as he gets up to leave. The heavy sound of your door shutting once more rings through your ears, and you close your eyes once more.

Of course, as you are peacefully lulling off to sleep yet another soft rapping of knuckles on the doorframe sets off a hoard of butterflies in your stomach. The door partially cracks open once more, followed by the soft voice of your father “Could we talk?”. A wave of dread rushes over you, unknown if this was the end. The end of movie nights, ordering in greasy take out, directly against the suggestions of Steve. The end of shushing eachothers boisterous laughter when trying to hide after pranks. The end of your relationship, the one you just got back into your grasps. After a bout of silence, he feels compelled to enter regardless. He’s prepared a speech, but his mind goes blank as he examines your visibly frightened body language. His heart pangs, knowing he’s the one who put you in this position, something he promised to never do.

“You..you know I’m not good at these things. That’s..that’s...not an excuse.” he says, breaking the tranquilent silence. Shifting uncomfortably in your bed, you prop yourself up to get a proper view of him. Getting down on his knees at the side of your bed, he continues “I love you. I’m not mad at you, I could never be mad at you. The way I reacted, it was shitty. Selfish. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for you…but all I could think about was myself. I know that’s not how I should have reacted at all, and I’m really sorry, doll. I was..scared? Worried?”

His own eyes now are filled with tears, as he lightly grips your bedsheets. “I know how..gay people were treated back then, even now.. and I didn’t want you to face that. I guess I thought that by trying to deny it, you would be safe. I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me, all I’ve ever wanted was your happiness.” Now sitting up, your face twists in deliberation, eyes flicking back and forth desperately scanning his face for any sign of dishonesty. You didn’t expect this, not in the slightest. Taking in his words, your mind is racing with every possible response, feeling overwhelmed. You gulp and nod, mumbling out a small “I- I understand. I mean..obviously I know how it was back then. It still affects me today. I know nowadays it’s a lot more accepted…but the guilt like, consumes me everyday. Especially with us being so much in the public eye, I didn’t well, want to embarrass anybody if it got out.”

“You could never embarrass me doll, especially with something like this. I mean, have you SEEN my reputation? Anyways, seriously, do you have a girl? Because really! Love to meet her sometime. What’s her name? How did you guys meet? She treat you right? You treat her right?” jokingly rapid firing questions at you as you giggle with each one. “Alright, I’ll let you get back to sleep. ‘Night.” he says softly, giving you a bear hug before exiting your room. For the first time in decades, you sleep like a feather, one of the biggest weights you were bearing finally hoisted off your shoulders.

#marvel #bucky barnes #steve rogers #bucky x daughter!reader #dad!bucky #bucky x teen!reader #steve rogers x teen!reader #lesbian!reader #teen!reader #daughter!reader #avengers #x reader #x teen!reader #bucky barnes x daughter!reader #lesbian #writing #send me requests

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just-gay-thoughts · 10 months

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Im very new to this site

How do I navigate it's kinda confusing and my ADHD keeps seeing colors and I can't figure out how to use things

Help pls 🙏

First of all, hi, welcome to the party!

Okay you figured out asks so yay! If you haven't noticed, theres also a little toggle for anonymous asks if you ever wish to send those, if I remember correctly though you can't send pics and vids on anonymous.

Basic getting started advice: use the search to find tags that you're interested in, it can be Fandom or hobby interests or anything really. You can choose to follow that tag (the option should be in the search bar after you've searched it, if that makes sense) and random posts from the tag will show up on your feed from time to time. You can also go through and follow people who post a lot in that tag that you enjoy the content of. Basic rule of advice for following people is to do it as freely as you wish, but don't feel bad about unfollowing for any reason.

And this explanation is going to be scatterbrained as I mention things as I think of them so I do apologize for that lol

Make sure you go into your settings and set your dashboard preferences to not include 'in your orbit' (or do, but most have their dash in chronological order rather than the more algorithmic version), this way you see stuff just from people and tags you follow.

Great ways to find people to follow are by searching like mentioned before, but also if you notice someone you follow reblogging someone's posts a lot and you enjoy those posts, that can be a great way to find more people.

You yourself can post as often as you want but there's a couple things to be familiar with that would show up on your blog.

The first is likes, which can be turned off (if I remember correctly the option might be when you go to edit your profile)

The second is reblogs, this is how posts get spread around. I like to think of it like likes are you telling the op they did a good job, and a reblog is you running to show your friends what you just found. It is greatly encouraged to reblog things like art and gifsets if you liked them because of the lack of algorithm on this site.

The last is your own posts, there should be a round plus button on mobile (it's been a bit since I've been on desktop but I think it's at the top?) That will take you to the text editor. I didn't llan ahead so this is the only one I have pictures for :)

Things to note: very bottom has the ability to add links, gifs, photos, audio, polls, and the Aa let's you edit the way text appears. Just above that you can add tags, many use tags for organization (I tend to use #gay thoughts for many of my own posts, eith #gay asks being added when I'm answering an ask), but there's also a huge culture around talking in the tags. Many add thoughts about the post in the tags, as anything said in a reblog will always stay with that version of a post, but tags are only visible when viewed from the actual reblog theyre on.

The 3 dots in the corner give you some additional options for your post

You can post it now or later, change who can reblog it, who can blaze it(pay money for it to appear on a number of random peopl's dashes), all that jazz!

Sorry if anything was hard to understand, please let me know if you have any other questions!

#gay thoughts #gay asks #very mentally tired so apologies for anything thats confusing

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eschatologicalblank · 2 years

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Darkness

This is a post I made on another blog (here) a while ago; I thought I might as well stick it on here too.

A metaphor that crops up in the Bible quite a bit is that of light and darkness. Unfortunately for me, I genuinely like the darkness – not the metaphorical darkness, the actual, literal darkness – which has always made the metaphor a little confusing for me. I find very bright light – especially bright sunlight – uncomfortable, and the dark is by comparison comfy. And there’s a reason I’ve stuck with a photo of the starry design of my bedroom blind as a profile picture for so long – because I hate my face really like the stars.

Well, now I have moved Up NorthTM for my Master’s, my route back from evening services goes through a pitch-black forest and I suddenly have a newfound appreciation for those metaphors.

It is, as you can probably guess, really spooky. I have to observe basically every piece of advice I’ve ever read in a fantasy novel to convince my lizardbrain that I won’t be eaten by some monster out of folklore – no running, no stopping, no meeting the gaze of reflective eyes among the trees, no leaving the path, and absolutely no looking back. But the most important enabling factor is my phone’s torch. In fact, the other day I had to take a massive detour because my phone’s battery got low enough that it wouldn’t let me turn the torch on.

In Psalm 119, the narrator addresses God, saying “Your word is a lamp for my feet, and a light for my path” – like my phone. Unlike my phone, the Bible doesn’t run out of battery – that is, there is no point at which reading it stops being illuminating. Even if you’ve read a verse a hundred times before, there’s always something new to draw from it, to comfort and to guide – especially when reading it with others.

But like my phone, it’s important to remember that the Bible cannot illuminate the entire path before us, only a little ways ahead – it’s good for figuring out what to do in your current circumstances, but you can’t figure out what’ll happen five years from now from it. After all, fitting the entire life stories of everyone who would ever read it would make it even longer than it already is.

Of course, sometimes the darkness that strikes fear into my heart is a little less literal than a dark forest. I think most people have had the experience of looking at current events and being afraid; whether it’s climate change not being taken seriously enough, pointless infighting among people who should know better, politicians making statements seemingly designed to stir up hatred and misunderstanding, or large news companies uncritically presenting the opinions of a genocide advocate – and those are just the ones going on in the UK – it can often feel like the world is full of threats formed by the twin evils of apathy and malice.

This is because it is, which makes trying to assuage these fears fairly tricky. There are of course a number of verses I could quote here about dealing with fears like these, but for better or worse the thing that’s helped me most isn’t actually from the Bible at all – instead, it’s an excerpt from the poem ‘The Present Crisis’, written nearly 20 years before the American Civil War about the evils of slavery. Some of the theology in it is a little dodgy – I’m fairly sure people get more than one chance to decide whether to stand “for the good or evil side” – but a lot of it is both generally applicable and accurate, including:

Though the cause of Evil prosper, yet 'tis Truth alone is strong, And, albeit she wander outcast now, I see around her throng Troops of beautiful, tall angels, to enshield her from all wrong. [...] Careless seems the great Avenger; history's pages but record One death-grapple in the darkness 'twixt old systems and the Word; Truth forever on the scaffold, Wrong forever on the throne,— Yet that scaffold sways the future, and, behind the dim unknown, Standeth God within the shadow, keeping watch above his own.

Can you see why I like it? It acknowledges the fear and frustration of looking at a world where it seems that those with power do not have your best interests or your continued existence at heart, and where it looks like God isn’t doing anything, and makes the claim that God knows exactly what He is doing. Sure, Truth isn’t on the throne, but she is both protected and – despite the outward appearance of powerlessness, exile and defeat – in the position of real power. And that is far more comforting than any platitudes about which way the moral arc of the universe bends or whiggish theories of inevitable moral progress because it doesn’t rely on faith in people and in society – who, may I remind you, are the ones who got us into this mess in the first place – but on a faith in a God who is good and steadfast.

It also doesn’t brush over the fact that sometimes Wrong gets the short-term victories, and that really sucks for everyone involved. Sure, Truth gets a squad of angelic bodyguards, but a ‘death-grapple in the darkness’ necessarily involves injury or death. It’s not a comfort of everything being alright for you now; it’s a comfort of knowing which side wins in the end.

I gather that callbacks are an important part of structuring essays, so here’s one; remember earlier, when I said that my phone ran out of battery ‘the other day’? Well, the other day in question was in fact the thirty-first of October. Although I didn’t see anyone doing it, I’m sure someone somewhere dressed up as the creature from Frankenstein – although as we all know, university dropout Victor Frankenstein was the real monster.

Recently, I’ve been seeing a clip from a song called ‘creature’ (wow this is such a good segue) by a band called half alive on TikTok (yep, I’m down with the kids like that /s). Here’s a bit of the lyrics: I know I'm made of clay that's worn Blighted by imperfect form But I will trust the artist moulding me I am creation, both haunted and holy Made in glory Even the depths of the night cannot blind me When You guide me Creature only

See? It’s even got a bit about being guided through darkness, so I can pretend this post has some kind of thematic coherency.

Not too long ago I was talking to someone about what a theology of the body might look like – how faith should impact our views of our bodies – and I think this really articulates my instinctive reaction to that question. The body is both ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’ (Ps 139:14), and ‘this body of death’ (Rom 7:24), both ‘dust’ (Ps 103:14) and destined to ‘clothe itself with the imperishable’ (1 Cor 15:53)- both haunted and holy, broken and being made new. Inasmuch as it is beautiful, it inherits that beauty from being a shadow of better things long since lost and better things yet to come.

So when the body betrays us, does things that we never wanted nor asked for – well, what were we expecting? Things go awry, down here in the dark, and our efforts cannot perfectly fix them – although they can come very close indeed. How fortunate that they will be put right ‘in the twinkling of an eye’ (1 Cor 15:53) when dawn breaks.

Anyway, now I need to think of a conclusion to this weird ramble. Maybe something like “In conclusion, the light that shines in the darkness is beautiful and wonderful, but it would not do to forget that the darkness is as yet still there; though it is a balm for all ills, it is not necessarily the balm we would have asked for or expected.”

Yeah, that’ll do.

#theology #christianity #faith #trans #transphobia #apparently I'm meant to tag things so people who don't want to see them won't and I hope I've done that correctly #also I hope I put the keep reading thing in correctly #also also I apparently might want a tag for things I've written as opposed to reblogged?#mine

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nimphontheshore · 10 months

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[January 20th}

It’s been days now. I have been almost crying myself to sleep. We’re not talking that much and when we are, I really feel like I’m too much or perhaps I am asking you too much. Things don’t make sense anymore and I’m mad at myself for missing you this much. When I should be mad for not making you stay, for not making you change your mind or, I don’t know. I don’t know. It’s a silly thing to think that we can be the reason for someone’s change. It’s hopeless romantic to think that I would be the one to be this change, that it would be easy to forget about everything that happened before me. It’s so dumb to think that. You’re always making fun of me, saying I’m indeed some hopeless romantic and you would be right to think so. But yeah. There’s things I wanna say but I don’t feel like it’s my place. I don’t know what’s my place anymore. I feel crazy, I feel like I feel too much, ask for too much. Just like know, pouring my anxiety and feelings; talking like you were ever mine. I’m literally going crazy and I’m thanking the gods that only my phone is seeing me like that. But anyway; I just don’t know. And I miss you. And I don’t think you miss me. But sometimes it feels like you do. It’s all confusing. Sometimes I’m still stuck in like, early December, where we couldn’t be 2 hours far from each other. I saw you being so sweet, so forward with me. I really let down my guard (was it ever up). And I was like yeah, maybe I can really let go and let myself feel those things that are just waiting to be felt. But now I’m feeling too much and I don’t know if I will be part of your present, nor future. Tonight we watched beauty and the beast, i wasn’t that up for the movie, I needed a reason to be with you. We didn’t talk that much, I was just staring at your profile picture the whole time, feeling anxious, hoping tonight will be about us and not about both our bad thoughts. Then I told you I was going to sleep, I stayed another 10 minutes looking at you then I came on here. Writing doesn’t feel that good in the end, I really do feel crazy. I don’t know if I’m valid, if I’m in the wrong or in the right for wanting to express stuff at you. I don’t know shit. I just know that I miss you, that I’m not mad at you even though I really do wanna be sometimes, that I’m waiting, but it’s getting hard to wait. I just want you back, or want you all in. I don’t know, but I can’t be less than that. I still hope you sleep well, I’m tired of wondering. I’ll see you in the morning and I’m already thinking about you. I don’t wish you think about me, I learned not to hope too much. But I still do, perhaps I feel more than I wanna admit.

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bi-buck-coded · 1 year

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WIP Wednesday

✨Thursday Edition✨

Important note/question at the end under the cut?? Please read it :( it's important to me. Here's potential scene one to NPC fic (it will most likely change if im being honest but I need feedback).

Tagged by: @honestlydarkprincess @buddiearemydads @ebdaydreamer @usercowboy

Sara speed-walks her way to the ping pong table, almost tripping, but catching herself before any of the others can see. “Guys- guys!” she says, “You will not believe what I just found!” Her voice comes out half whisper half yell. At the ping pong table Stan is writing a tally on his score-keeping note pad while Jess and Tom argue over the last play. When they hear Sara coming they turn their heads.

“This isn’t over, I swear we’ve never played with those rules,” Jess says to Tom as Sara reaches them.

“Well Stan’s already given the point out so I think I’ll let him decide-”

“The point went to Bradshaw.”

“-nothing. He will decide nothing because you can hit the ball before it bounces.” Tom crosses his arms and looks defiantly at the other two. Jess looks over to stan and rolls her eyes. “I saw that!”

“Guys! Can you listen to me?” Sara looks around before pulling out her phone. “I know I said I was taking a break from online dating after that catfish incident, but I went on this hookup app last night - for reasons - anyway and look what I found.” She turns her phone relieving a profile boasting the username firehose. A shirtless mirror selfie in black and white shows at the top of the profile. The flash and the phone block out the user’s face.

“Okay so you found some guy with the cheesiest username known to man why do we care?” Jess asks. Sara turns the phone back to herself, scrolls down a little, and then flips the phone back to her awaiting crowd. “Oh my god, why did he choose a blowjob angle?” She takes the phone into her own hands and stares open mouthed.

“I’m sorry, he chose the name firehose?” Tom scrunches his face in confusion. “I get the joke, big dick or whatever, but why would you ever swipe on a guy who chooses the name firehose?” Stan laughs and grabs the phone for himself to scroll through the phone. Picture after shirtless picture stare back at him. Jess smirks.

“Maybe it actually means he com-”

“I mean he looks good in these pictures, sure, but then his prompts are so bad! ‘I go crazy for…’ and then he just put ‘you’. ‘My biggest regret is…’ ‘the opportunities I didn’t take’.” Stan pauses to laugh at that. “What? That one doesn’t even sound right!” Tommy takes the phone next.

“Would it be bad to say I’d swipe right?” The group looks at Sara and she turns her head to look away. “As if you wouldn’t,” she mumbles.

The sound of an engine backing into the bay startles them out of their bubble. Sara takes her phone from Tommy and locks it before putting it in her pocket. They watch as Buck climbs out of the engine and jogs up the stairs. “Oh my god,” Sara mouths at the others who all have wide eyes. They stand there quietly for a second, too scared to breath. It feels as if someone could tell what they were just talking about from any sudden movement.

“They charge you extra for the full detail?” They hear Chimney say above them. Tom holds back a laugh while Sara clamps her hand over her mouth and stares wide eyed at Jess who’s biting back her own laugh.

“So the game was 3-0 Bradshaw-” the alarm blares, cutting Stan off, and they’re off getting into their gear and the engine. “Do you think it was on these seats or-”

So I dont really know how I feel about this, writing third person omniscient (or kind of really third-person objective because idk how to write omniscient well) was weird for me and idk if I can really make it better? I'm thinking about just switching to text threads only? Idk read this and if you want in the tags you can give feedback on what might make it better or if you like the idea of just texts, because in my head texts would just make more sense? / I could make it funnier? idk in my head I feel like it'd be funnier if it were texts. Please give thoughts im begging.

#I mean I think the back and forth of text could be quicker #making it more fun to read / funnier #but I wont be the one reading it so #I need opinions #does part of me also just want to code html again?#ya a little but if people hate reading texts then what would be the point?#wip wednesday #on a thursday #911 #911 fox #911 abc #911 on fox #911 on abc

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free--therapy · 2 years

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Thank you for answering! Umm I've been trying to sort my thoughts out on that thing i talked about last time but till then, i have some worries i wanna talk to you about. If it's not a bother, of course!

About OCD, so i read and misunderstood a lot ofthings as ocd and had a full anxiety bout about it last year and there's something I've been wondering.

So back when i worried about it, i used to wonder if every weird thing i did was compulsions and if it meant ocd.

So suppose i was walking on a sidewalk with two coloured tiles then I'd only walk on one color because I'd tell myself if you walk on other, monsters will take you, etc. This is something i just did for fun when i was young. I did many similar things like "do thing or xyz will happen" but i used to do them for fun when i was a child. I grew out of it as i grew up though i still have few superstitious beliefs that are commonly believed in asia.

So these things sound like compulsions so i confused them with me having ocd and worried a lot too to the point where i took three therapy sessions for it but then after some time i realized that i was wrong. Most of these random things i used to do for fun and none of them were based on serious fear or none of them caused my life any problems. And I talked to some of my family members about this and learnt they had some silly beliefs and random actions of these sort that they did too. That doesn't mean it's a disorder. None of these ever troubled me or caused me problems in fact, i never realized them either since it was such an insignificant part. So, i decided to stop worrying if any random action was ocd. Basically if any habit isn't bothering me or affecting me, the i don't have to go around labeling it as compulsions.

When I find myself worrying if any of my actions or habits could be ocd because they sound like it, i simply ask myself "but are any of those habits bothering me or affecting my life?" I immediately get my answer.

I do have some other worries though. Like I've always been the type of person who changes small things up to have a change in pace or vibes and do things that make me feel good. So I'd change my profile picture, etc. So since my anxiety disorder started, I've been doing small things that make me feel more positive. Say I change my profile picture and maybe my anxiety gets worse.....so while the two things are not related but sometimes to have a change of pace or vibes, to feel a more positive change, I'll change my profile picture. Something like doing things that make me feel more positive, like "lucky" things and also, changing things up when i feel like my anxiety getting worse maybe? And if i feel one of the changes makes me feel better, i continue it for some time. I mean.....i don't know how to write this and explain properly but these small actions here and there are my small attempts at feeling and attracting more positive energy. Its a bit superstitious but since I've grown up in asian culture where things like how we position our bed or some other things in house, etc. are believed to be important, I kind of have those thoughts subconsciously too i guess. But again, these actions are an attempt to attract more positive vibes and distance myself from anxiety but then....these little things sometimes don't affect my life? I mean, i don't really wanna stop doing it or anything because these actions aren't a bother or hindrance to me. It's just that since anxiety, I've become more leaned towards positive things than before. Idk but does this count as ocd?

There is another thing I've been wondering about. I live in a town that's outside of the city where i used to go to schooling for. One day in fifth grade, i told a girl about it and she made fun of me for it and some children laughed at me. So since then, this is one thing that I've really been insecure about. So unless i feel very comfortable with a friend, i never tell them about it. As for everyone else i meet, i usually tell them the name of the closest city since they don't know my town anyway and i feel kinda anxious and insecure about telling them. So while I'm okay with sharing it with very close friends and family and of course, for official work and stuff. But when the topic of where you live comes up in discussions among colleagues or classmates, I'm still not comfortable sharing it. Sometimes i go to lengths to hide it too out of embarrassment, insecurity and fear that they might judge me for it or make fun of me.

I know this is an irrational thought but I'm still learning to get comfortable with sharing it without feeling awkward or insecure. I've been thinking....can this be ocd? Or is it just something I'm trying to hide out of insecurity? Some of my cousins had this same insecurity too but they got over it as they grew up. For me too, I'm slowly learning to be comfortable and proud of it instead of hiding it desperately. But I've been worrying if this is normal? I mean having insecurities you really try to hide from people....is it normal? Or if it's ocd or anxiety disorder related?

In general too, i have some superstitious beliefs here and there so i do random little changes once in a while. It's kinda like wearing your lucky dress when you want a day/week to especially go nice....something like that but in my case, i want my anxiety to lower and for me to feel more positive? It's not a serious problem or anything but just me being a bit superstitious even though i know they're not true....but yeah I've never given this a serious thought....in fact this is the first time I'm actually seriously thinking about this lolllll

i feel like i keep comparing any actions of mine that might sound similar to ocd symptoms and worry about it like that.

I don't know how I'm making these relations with ocd but i am 😭 do you think these sound like problems? Or am I thinking too much?

Hey Anon,

I know a lot of people dealing with anxiety believe they may have OCD because they seem related. OCD is more of an intense version of anxiety that usually results in certain ritualistic behaviors that have to be done in order to feel better about the situation at hand.

While I understand that culturally you've grown up with certain "superstitions", I don't believe that acting on them would mean you have OCD, unless they absolutely hinder your daily life from day to day. I think we all have certain little superstitions that we carry with us from when we were younger or because of our cultures, but I don't think they'd necessarily qualify as obsessive compulsions.

I think I may have mentioned this in a past Ask, but anxiety is usually the result of wanting to control things. In your case, you do little things here and there to change up your pace/vibes as a way to control how you're feeling, and you either get instant gratification or it backfires and you feel worse. You're testing out what works for you and that's okay.

Anon, you shouldn't be ashamed of where you come from. I personally find people in big cities are mean to outsiders because all they know is the city so they think they're better than everyone lol. I live outside of a major city and attended college and even worked in the big city and people there acted the same. I never took it personally though because I thought it was sad that they believed that being in the city was better than being outside of it and that their arrogance just made them look silly because they really believed no one actually lives outside the city lol. It's interesting that it's the same no matter what country you're in. I'm sorry that you feel like you have to hide it from people though and that they make fun of you. I don't believe wanting to keep that from people means you have OCD. It's likely social anxiety because you don't want to feel rejected by others. A lot of us grow up with shame about who we are and where we come from when we're with peers, so it's definitely normal to feel that way. I felt a lot of isolation when I was growing up because I moved so many times and had divorced parents. People will always find something to pick on others for for being different than them or for not trying to understand things from your view. In that case for me, I embraced being by myself and would only give my time to people who actually cared about getting to know me and those who didn't care about where I came from or what my family situation was. Unfortunately you'll never escape this kind of behavior from other people because it's a normal human behavior (doesn't mean it's a good one though). You can change how you view these situations and see them as people doing you a favor by not including you or judging you based on something that has nothing to do with the amazing person that you are. If people like that want to let something as insignificant as where you live be the reason they don't want to include you, then they're not worth being friends with. It's a hard truth to accept when you're already struggling to make friends, but in the long run it'll always be for the best.

What you're worrying about are definitely not symptoms of OCD. They are very normal behaviors and thoughts of growing up and learning about where you fit into the world. It takes time to figure it out. Hopefully you come to embrace your uniqueness and know that the right people will find you and accept you for who you are :)

#ask #answered #anon #anxiety #social anxiety #acceptance #fear of rejection

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becca-e-barnes · 3 years

Text

Take Care of Everything

This is my first ever fic for a writing challenge omg I’m so excited! Huge congratulations to @balenciagabucky for hitting 3K followers!! That’s such a huge milestone and thank you for organising such a fun challenge! So excited to read the rest of the submissions 💗 @dulceslibrary

Pairing: Personal Assistant! Bucky Barnes x Lawyer! Reader

Word Count: 3.5k maybe?

Summary: There’s only one thing in your life that your PA doesn’t take care of

Warnings: Smut, praise kink, pet names, protected sex (go me for writing something safe sex for a change), court mention, lil fluff, mile high club

Minors, do not interact.

“Un-fucking-believable.” You couldn’t stop the roaring boil of the blood in your veins, storming out of the court room with your long black gown billowing behind you. Being one of the top barristers in the country brought it’s fair share of high profile cases but this one had got on every last nerve in your body and you were out of patience.

The case itself wasn’t the problem. The issues were straightforward enough and applying law to fact, at the most basic level, your client had done nothing wrong. It should have been essentially cut and dry. The problem was the opposing council and the lack of intervention from the judge.

The prosecution had torn your witness to shreds. You had tried to warn the poor woman beforehand, as you did with every client, but on the stand, she had just crumbled under such an intense and downright ignorant line of questioning.

It shouldn’t have even been allowed in the first place. The judge should have stepped in and clipped the opposing council’s wings but the damage was already done and now you would have to pick the pieces up when court resumed on Monday.

“How did it go?” Your personal assistant must have been leaning outside the courtroom door for who knows how long, his suit somehow as neat and pristine as always, despite the fact it was the end of the day.

“Fucking dreadful, Terry was an asshole to Andrea and she lost it. Should’ve known he’d pull shit like that, he’s always a cunt on Friday evenings.” You practically spat the words out, heels clicking on the floor as you made your way down the marble hall to collect your things and begin to put an end to this miserable week.

Part of you almost wanted to laugh at how Bucky had developed the skill of being able to keep up with your pace without even having to look up from his blackberry. That only came from years of practice.

“Terry loves playing with fire. Fuck him. If anyone can put him in his place on Monday, it’s you.” Bucky still hadn’t taken a second to pull his nose up from his phone, his steps landing in perfect time with yours until you reached the chamber at the end of the hall, throwing the heavy wooden door open in front of you. Bucky filtered in behind you of course, closing the door behind him before slipping his phone neatly into his pocket.

“Thought your doctor warned you about your blood pressure? You gotta calm down.” Bucky’s face showed he was genuinely concerned, his eyebrows knitted together in disdain but there was nothing new there. He had worked for you for years now and truth be told, he was damn good at his job, not to mention the fact he was the closest thing to a friend your busy schedule allowed you to have.

“I’ll calm down when I’m dead. We need to get to the airport if we’re going to make that flight for the convention.” You pulled your wig off, setting it neatly into the little wooden closet before removing your gown, hanging it up alongside the other worn ones from earlier in the week so they could all be dry cleaned and back in the closet for Monday.

“It’s a private jet honey, it can’t leave without you.” Bucky laughed softly, knowing you were worked up and hoping a little joke would ease the tension.

You had to admit, you were so thankful for Bucky. He was devoting the prime of his life to making sure you had everything you needed, your life only felt so seamless because Bucky made it that way. He didn’t just manage your calendar and fetch you coffee like any other PA, he lived and breathed you. He went everywhere with you, crashing in your spare room at least three nights a week because you had both worked yourselves to exhaustion. He never missed anything. He had a solution for every problem, nothing was too big for him to tackle and given the chance, you two could absolutely take over the world one day. You confided in him, and he in you, getting to know every tiny detail of his life in the past few years, right down to that fact that neither of you had seen your family or been on a date in months. Hell, he’d went as far as buying you a packet of batteries one Monday after a particularly long and stressful court hearing.

“Here, got you these.” He had smiled mischievously as he handed them over to you, chuckling a little at your confused expression. “For your vibrator. Looks like it’s gonna be a long week.” You took them gratefully, joking with him that you really would need them, tucking them into your handbag and damn were they appreciated. The following morning he had asked how you had got on and you could only laugh. You didn’t tell him how thoughts of him had come into your head right as you had gotten close. Similarly, you didn’t tell him how painfully intense your orgasm had been when you imagined him on the bed with you, watching you come apart against the plastic toy. You could just picture his hungry gaze, watching how your body gushed as you released, nipples pebbled from arousal and your lips parted, a single whimper of his name escaping you as you rode out your high.

No, that was a little secret you would keep to yourself. He didn’t need to know your dirtiest fantasies. He was an employee. An employee that often arrived at your bedroom door shirtless and smirking, holding a stack of freshly made pancakes on the mornings he stayed over at yours but an employee nonetheless.

—————————

The cab ride to the airport would have been silent if it hadn’t been for the gentle tapping of your thumbs and Bucky’s racing over your respective phone screens. You had at least two dozen emails left to reply to and your eyelids were beginning to get heavy, the body heat radiating from Bucky in the cab’s back seat making you drowsy. You took a second, squeezing your eyes shut to force away the tiredness before going back to typing relentlessly.

The trip to the airport was short, Bucky had competed the preflight checkin so you essentially stepped straight onto the plane, taking a seat by the window, with Bucky taking the one opposite you. Takeoff was smooth as always, your phones picked back up as soon as it was safe to do so. But with the glowing screen came a fresh wave of drowsiness, your eyelids threatening to close of their own accord.

“Shit, Buck did you pack my -“

“Glasses? Left side of your bag, under the tissues.” Bucky finished your sentence for you, not looking up from his phone.

“And my -“

“Eye drops? In your makeup bag.” There it was again. What surprised you most was that Bucky didn’t even need to see you to work out exactly what was wrong.

“Do you really just take care of everything?” You huffed out a little laugh, digging through your bag, finding both your glasses and eye drops exactly where he told you they would be.

“Everything but you.” He chuckled, finally setting his phone down.

“What do you mean ‘everything but me’? All you ever do is take care of me. You organise my shopping and dry cleaning for god’s sake.” The whole notion of Bucky doing anything but taking care of you was just insane because you sure as hell didn’t have time to do any of those things for yourself. That’s what you hired him for after all.

“I didn’t mean like that. I meant like really take care of you. You’re so damn up tight.” You knew by the little chuckle that accompanied his words that he meant it affectionately but it still made you slightly defensive.

“I’m not up tight.” You protested. Normally you would’ve let harmless comments like that slide but the combination of your shitty day and the fact you were so sleepy made it impossible to not seek out conflict. This was the life you were used to after all. A life of treating almost everyone you came across adversarially. It was second nature to you at this point, inside and outside the courtroom.

“Come on, you seem to forget I am your calendar. You think I don’t know you haven’t gotten any in months? You should get laid, that’s all I’m sayin’. Wouldn’t kill you to have an orgasm every once in a while.” The words roll off his tongue like it’s nothing and truth be told, if you were in better form, this would have been a perfectly normal conversation between the two of you. Neither of you were particularly shy when it came to talking about your hookups.

You hated how right he was. You hated that you hadn’t been touched in months and Bucky knew that. You hated that most days, you were too exhausted to bother tending to your own needs. And you hated the warmth spreading through your body at the thought of Bucky finally taking care of you.

“Don’t know Buck, an orgasm might actually kill me with my high blood pressure.” You needed this conversation to turn more light hearted and you needed it fast, before your head became so clouded with need that Bucky picked up on it.

“I mean, I handle everything else for you. Wouldn’t even mind if that became part of my remit.” You almost couldn’t believe how carefree and nonchalant this whole conversation seemed, Bucky hoping you missed how he cock twitched in his trousers. Of course you didn’t. You missed nothing.

“If what became part of your remit?” You quizzed firmly, trying not to give anything away but knowing your eyes had gone big and doe-like, entirely of their own accord. This was a dream come true.

“You. Actually taking care of you. However you need.” His stare was intense, watching you keenly to determine whether he had horrendously overstepped and was about to get fired.

“Why would you even want to?” Your voice carried every single ounce of confusion you were feeling, staring Bucky down with an intensity that mirrored his own in that moment.

“You’re far too smart to act dumb.” He replied softly, knowing it was all or nothing now. If he was getting fired, he might as well be honest. His head tilted downwards, drawing your attention to the bulge growing in his suit trousers. Years worth of need and longing bubbling over all at once.

“If you want this, tell me. If not, that’s fine. But it doesn’t need to be anything romantic. Can be just sex. Whatever you want.” He was doing his very best to stay calm, his brain finally catching up with his mouth and considering that he was now in way too deep to just apologise and about to get his ass handed to him at thousands of feet in the air by one of the best legal minds in the world.

You’d never wanted anything more in your life. It was almost like Bucky was dangling himself in front of you. A piece of meat before a lion that could be snatched away at any second. You weren’t going to give him the chance, professionalism be damned. You were out of your seat and onto his lap in a flash, your pencil skirt hiked up to allow you to bracket his legs in your own.

“Are you sure about this?” Your quizzed softly, giving him one last chance to back out before you lost all self control.

“Do I feel like I’m not sure?” His voice was almost a choked whisper, his hands landing on your hips to press you down against his stiff cock.

You’d never seen him like this before. Horny and needy and losing himself in the feeling of you on top of him after years of fantasies. He had tried to curb the fantasies but his body didn’t allow him to. You were all he could think of on those lonely nights, a hand wrapped around his cock, groans and whimpers escaping until he came over his hand, a cry of your name pulled from his lips. He thought you would never know. And now here he was, the woman of his dreams perched in his lap, asking to be taken care of. Even the filthiest parts of his brain couldn’t have come up with this.

He could never have dreamt how you moved forward so tentatively, your lips hardly even touching his. He was used to seeing you confident, in control, the calmest person under pressure and yet here you were, unsure of yourself for the first time, he imagined, in your life. You both kept your eyes open for a little while, your lips sliding together gently, getting a feel for one another, up until your teeth sank into the plush skin of his bottom lip and an actual groan left him, his eyelids fluttering shut. The sound could’ve made you quiver with need. It was so alarmingly sexy, knowing your huge, sexy PA could be taken apart with the smallest touches. Suddenly, this seemed to be as much, if not more, for Bucky’s benefit than your own.

“Thought this was for me, hm?” Somehow your condescending court voice was pushing him over the edge. You felt one of his hands come up, tangling in your hair while the other wrapped around your waist, pulling your core flush with his clothed cock. He kissed you with a burning intensity that made your head swim and your pussy throb, loving how he was taking control but still hurtling further into a breathless, needy state.

“You’ve no idea how long I’ve thought about this. Didn’t think we’d be joining the mile high club.” He huffed out a little light laugh, using his grip on your waist to help you roll your hips over his growing erection.

“Couldn’t have been thinking about this for as long as I have.” You smiled softly, letting out a little gasp as his cock nudged you just right through your panties that you were sure had been soaked through already. His eyes went wide at your admission, his dick twitching deliciously underneath you.

“Fuck, that’s the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.” He whispered, making you laugh at how eager he was.

“I won’t be able to wait until we’re off this plane Bucky. You gonna fuck me right here?” You teased him softly, your faces so close, your tiny hands running down his pristine shirt, toying with the buttons. When you began to graze his chest gently with your nails, it was like a switch flipped inside Bucky. He thrust up against you with a growl loving the yelp you let out, one hand now squeezing your ass, the other massaging your breasts through your blouse.

“Gonna fuck all the stress out of you. Gonna have you leavin’ this plane leakin’ and cockdrunk.” Somehow you didn’t even doubt his words and you had to admit, it did sound quite appealing to give up the control for a while, just letting Bucky take over.

“Gimme all you’ve got Barnes. Gotta make it worth my while or this is gonna be the last time you get the chance.” You couldn’t help but tease him before instantly realising that might have been a mistake, his lips burning hot as they worked against your own, needy, insistent and as always, eager to please.

His mouth was relentless to the point that you found yourself practically dry humping his cock, your hands laced in his hair while his untucked your blouse from your skirt, greedily holding onto any skin he could reach. He tasted of peppermint and coffee, smelt like the expensive aftershave you were so fond of and felt like a man who’s only purpose in life was to make you cum until it hurt.

“Need you. ‘Nside me. Now.” You managed somehow to pant the words out between the fervent slide of his lips over yours, his tongue dipping in to taste you, never wanting this to end.

The feeling of your much smaller hands landing on his belt buckle made him look down but he could’ve cum then and there at the sight that met him. The front of his suit pants were slick with your mess, proof that he wasn’t just dreaming and you really were needing this just as badly as he was.

“You’re so fuckin’ ready for it aren’t you? Look at the mess you’ve made. Why didn’t we do this years ago?” He was groaning, shifting in his seat to help you get his trousers and boxers down. You couldn’t help how you gasped a little at the sheer size of him, his cock thick and long, the head slick with precum, proud veins running up his shaft. He looked Godly. Two firm pumps was all it took to have his head thrown back against the plush leather seat, cursing and bucking against your hand, aching for more.

“I’m sorry Buck, I can’t wait any longer.” You panted, his lips attached to your neck now, kissing, licking and sucking all his frustration into your skin. If there was a time for foreplay, that wasn’t it. Neither of you had the patience right now.

“Thank God, needa feel this pretty pussy.” He all but whispered as you lined him up at your soaking entrance.

“Shit Bucky, you got a condom?” You asked anxiously, stilling yourself at the last second.

“My bag, zip compartment at the front.” He replied quietly and sure enough, that’s exactly where you found a packet. Tearing the wrapper off, you slid it down his length earning another groan from the huge man who was practically shaking beneath you.

“You think of everything.” You giggled, finally beginning to slowly sink yourself down onto him. Your laugh quickly turned into a breathy moan, your breath mingling with Bucky’s and you noticed how he made a very similar noise. You pressed yourself down slowly, your body having to adjust to the stretch.

“So tight, fuck. Shit, never felt a tighter pussy in my life.” He whispered when you were finally seated on top of him. He pulled your skirt out of the way to appreciate just how connected your bodies were in that moment. His cock just seemed to fit perfectly, so snug you could’ve cried as you began to slowly work your hips against his.

“Oh my god Bucky you’re huge.” You should’ve been embarrassed by how high and needy your whine came out but right then and there, you didn’t care.

“It’s all yours sweetheart. Gonna fuck you so good you never need another cock again. Gonna ruin anyone else for you - fuck.” Under normal circumstances you would’ve chastised him for being so overconfident but feeling how his cock nudged your sweet spot perfectly, you thought he might actually be right.

“Gotta fuck you angel, can’t just sit here anymore, ‘s driving me crazy.” He just couldn’t keep himself still any longer, lust burning behind his eyes in a way you had never seen in him before. You lifted yourself up slowly, feeling his length slipping from you, your walls fighting to pull him deeper until you sank back down, taking the whole length at once. The strangled cry that left Bucky was incredible. You repeated your gentle rise and fall, setting a decent pace. Every sharp fall of your hips tore a needy gasp from both of you, the sweetest spot inside you throbbing from the almost constant onslaught. It was everything you craved. Bucky was grasping at every curve of your body, lost in the feeling of your soft skin and the grip of your silky walls and the smell of your shampoo as you rode him, building speed as your pleasure built in your lower belly. The wet sounds escaping where your bodies were joined was nothing short of obscene, only fuelling Bucky to meet each of your thrusts with his own.

“Oh my god, I -oh oh- I can’t, can’t take it Bucky please.” You groaned, manicured fingernails digging into his chest.

“I got you honey. ‘s okay. Gonna take such good care of you when we get to the hotel. Just want you to cum once for me now, okay? Take the edge off. You feel so good wrapped round me. You know what else I can feel? Your pretty pussy is leakin’. Feel you drippin’ down over my balls. Never felt anything so hot in my ‘ntire life.” His fingers fell to your clit, rubbing neatly as if he had been trained to do nothing else. You were on cloud nine, your high so close but not quite there yet.

“Bucky, gonna cum. Oh fuck!” You whined, your orgasm hitting you like a train. You came with a loud cry, eyes squeezed shut, rocking against him more than fucking so his cock stayed buried inside you.

“Shit, how did you get even fuckin’ tighter. ‘M so close.” He whispered against your neck, broken and needy. Your high had all but subsided, aftershocks still pleasantly coursing through you as you went back to letting your hips rise and fall so Bucky could finish. It only took four more well timed thrusts before he was cumming with a shout, pulling you flush against him as his balls emptied into the condom.

You were both spent and sweaty but more satisfied than you could remember being in months, your chest pressed to his as you both came down, craving a little extra affection. Bucky held you for a good few minutes until you felt his cock softening, knowing he really should get cleaned up. You let him slip from you, pulling your skirt down to take your original seat across from him again.

“Gimme a second.” He whispered, kissing your forehead before making his way to the little bathroom, returning a few minutes later looking just as put together as ever, apart from his telltale grin.

“Jesus, we should do that more often.” You smiled quietly when he returned, letting him settle in the chair beside you this time, the dividing arm rest pushed out of the way so you could cuddle as much as possible given the limited space.

“I can’t stop now honey. That pussy is addictive.” He smiled, happy to see you leaning so comfortably up against him but even happier when he heard your soft little snores.

Taglist:

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benignbucky · 3 years

Text

too good for me (b.b.)

summary: bucky never felt good enough for a relationship, he tried but never got past a first date so he figured hookups might the best solution. then he met you and you were willing to change his mind.

word count: 2k

warnings: angst, smut (18+ only. minors DNI), praise kink (on both ends), unprotected sex (did we expect anything else), mentions of trauma and bucky's past, unbeta'ed, let me know if there are others i should add

a/n: @slvtkovia should honestly be my writing partner in crime by now. we were both in our feels when i brought this up lol (gif not mine)

Bucky had the bad habit of never feeling good enough. For friends, for missions, for companionship. Anything, really. It never mattered how much he craved human contact, he promised himself he would never let himself get too close to someone in fear that they would discover his past, all the mistakes he had made. He had been told countless times that what he did as the Winter Soldier was never his fault, that he was brainwashed into doing what he did, but he still felt guilty.

He had tried the dating scene but it always lead to one outcome. Intrusive thoughts. 'What if I wasn't good enough?' or maybe even 'What if they find out and leave?' were things that never escaped his mind. He had gone on plenty of first dates to only avoid planning a second, always coming up with the excuse of 'I'm so sorry, I just wasn't feeling a connection', which wasn't a complete lie. He didn't want to lay the burden of his entire life on someone who didn't deserve it. Dating wasn't for him but he still had all that pent up desire…

So he wanted to try something different.

Hooking up wasn't really Bucky's thing but he thought it would help his need to be close to someone without going too far. It was close enough.

And there he was, reinstalling Tinder on his phone he barely knew how to use and setting up yet another profile. God only knows how long he would spend on his bio just to put something along the lines of 40s music is better - read the hobbit at least once - 6 foot something because people tend to put their heights in these.

After a few minutes of countless left swipes, he stumbles upon your profile. It's just as simple as his but oh my god were you the prettiest thing he had ever seen. He flicked his thumb to the right at an impossible speed only to see that you had matched. Messages were sent. So many to the point that it was 2am and neither of you had even noticed or cared.

You were upfront about what you were looking for. You kept it simple. 'I'm not looking for anything serious but going from person to person is just exhausting' and Bucky agreed. Both knew that what you were doing was dangerous territory but you had both been so pent up that you didn't care.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nothing happened the first time you met up, you just wanted to get a feel for his personality outside of your phone screen. The moment he stepped foot into your apartment, he radiated the same energy that he did through those text bubbles. Surprisingly enough, he actually looked like the pictures on his profile but somehow even better. By the end, you two shared a kiss and planning for him to come over again before he was even able to grab his keys.

The second time he came over was another story. There was an insatiable hunger within the both of you. You two were 5 sentences in conversation before just climbing into his lap and just accepting anything he would give and it was honestly one of the best experiences you had ever had.

You were so used to disappointing sex that the fact that Bucky was more of a giver than a receiver overwhelmed you just by thinking about it. You were always a incoherent mess by the end, it didn't matter. He wouldn't stop until you were a trembling mess underneath him, sometimes he wouldn't even stop then.

His stamina was one of the things that surprised you the most. The fact that he would literally go for hours if you let him was enough to make you feel dazed and confused. The other thing that surprised you about him was the contrast of how passionate he was while fucking you but how gentle he was with you afterwards. It was night and day. He just wanted to take care of you.

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Months into your arrangement his stays were longer, your kisses lingered more, everything just grew into so much more. One night in particular was a little different. You were almost asleep and he was pressed to your back, telling his whole backstory. It was so quiet. So quiet that if you let out a louder breath, you would miss it.

But you didn't miss the pain that lingered in his soft tone or the quiet sniffles of him fighting back tears.

"I've done so much shit in my past. T-They would erase my memories. They would have me do these terrible things. I-I hurt people. I killed people. People who didn't deserve it. Anyone who got in my way. God, I wish I could just take it all back. I wish I could just start over. Well, with everyone but you. You're too good for me but I would never want to forget you."

His voice broke at that last sentence, tears openly streaming down his cheeks but he was still nearly silent in fear of waking you up. He never wanted to experience life without you ever again but it was something he feared could happen. He never wanted you to get hurt, he would protect you with his own life if he needed to.

You knew the only reason he would say these things when he thought you were asleep was because he thought that if you knew, you would leave and cut him out of your life completely. You would never do that though, he meant too much to you for that to happen. Deep down you both knew that your feelings were developing to something neither of you had expected but it never went further than spending time together either talking about your days and then hooking up.

His story kept playing in your mind every night that he stayed over but you were too nervous to tell him that you heard. You didn't want him to leave and you felt that if you brought it up, he would.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky was having a particularly hard day but you wanted to make him feel better, willing to try anything. He wouldn't ever tell you when he was struggling but it was written all over his face and all you wanted to do was comfort him.

"Bucky, is everything okay? You've barely said anything the whole time. Talk to me, what's eating at you?" You crawled into his lap, cupping your face into his hands. Your tone was so genuine and soft that he just lost it.

"I-I… I fell for you. I can't just keep doing what we're doing and act like I'm okay. I just-I'm not a good person. I don't want to hurt you and if I told you, you'd probably make me leave." There were his tears again. You quickly wiped them away and looked into his eyes.

"Bucky, I know. I heard you. Everything you've gone through, everything you experienced. I heard it all." You paused for a moment, mentally preparing for any negative reaction he could have. "Bucky, I love you. I think I have for awhile. You're one of the sweetest, most kind, people I know. You're not that person anymore. The real you never was. Everything that happened, it could never change how I feel about you now."

You were both crying at this point.

"Y/N.. You deserve so much better. I can't give you what you need. I'm too fucked up." You could only respond by shaking your head.

"You are so perfect. I'm still here, aren't I? I'm not going anywhere. I would never make you leave." He was about to interrupt but before you could, you cut him off with a kiss. A kiss full of love and passion but oh so gentle. You needed to show him that you wanted him, only him regardless of his history. Regardless of trauma.

"Let me prove it to you." You mumbled against his lips, tangling your fingers into his hair. You only pulled away momentarily to remove your shirt before you moved his hands to touch you.

"Nobody makes me feel the way you do. Only you." You pulled away again only for him to remove his shirt. Bucky was always insecure about his arm but you always reassured him that it didn't change anything. Above all else, it was one of your favorite things about him.

A groan escaped from his lips as your started to grind your hips into his, seeking any sort of friction. Bucky reached down to undo the button of this jeans but your hands stopped his.

"Let me take care of you. Let me show you how much I love you." It had slipped out of your mouth before you could even stop it but it only fueled your passion more. Piece by piece of clothing was thrown to the other side of your living room before you crawled back onto Bucky's lap, lining his leaking tip towards your dripping entrance before lowering down slowly until he had bottomed out.

You caressed his face into your hands and gave him a bruising kiss as you started rocking your hips into his again, the kiss muffling your whimpers of pleasure. Bucky lowered his hand to your hips, just resting them there. He wasn't moving you, even though he knew the faster pace would provoke even more beautiful sounds from you.

"Such a good boy for me, aren't you?" He grunted at the praise, it took everything in him to not flip you over and take charge. "You like that, pretty boy? Like being called my good boy?" You only moved your hips faster, the sound of slapping skin filled the room along with your moans.

"Fuck, I love you. I'm all yours. Your good boy." Bucky mustered, rocking his hips up towards yours. Quickly you found a rhythm, calling out his name as the coil in your stomach grew and grew.

Standing up, Bucky carried you to your room and placed you down on your bed and hovered over you before pressing his length back in. You hooked your legs around his as his thrusts only increased in speed and pressure, bumping that spongey spot only he had been able to hit on command.

"Oh my god, Bucky. Right there! Fuck…" It only took a few more thrusts before your coil had snapped and you were gripping onto Bucky's body for dear life as your peak seemed to just get elevated by each movement of his hips.

"Attagirl. Coming all over me, aren't you?" It was his turn to speak and when he did, it only made your pleasure increase more and more. He grabbed your hands, lacing your fingers together as he started chasing his own release.

"Taking me so well, can I get one more from you?" You could only whimper and nod in response.

He slowed his pace down slightly, making sure to hit that spot of yours with every thrust. He brought his metal hand down and started rubbing circles over your clit, which only made you cry out his name as your second orgasm built quicker than you were expecting.

"Cum for me like a good boy. Please give it to me." You managed as you kissed up his neck and back to his lips, noticing his pace getting more irregular by each word. That all too familiar coil snapped once more but for the both of you, showering him in praise tied with breathy moans as you felt his hips stutter while he came.

Working you both down from your highs, his thrusts gradually slowed until they stopped. He never pulled away from your body, only resting his head on your chest.

You finally caught your breath, moving your hands up to play with his hair. "I meant every word. I love you. So fucking much."

"I love you too." He chuckled sleepily.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things were different after that, you only grew closer. He started leaving things at your place, only so he would have the excuse to come over more often. Endless 'I love you's were said and it all felt so natural.

And in time, Bucky grew to believe he was good enough for you because he was and you would always prove to him that he was if he ever showed the tiniest bit of doubt because he deserved it. He deserved your love just as much as you deserved his.

#♡benignbucky♡#bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes blurb #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes headcanon #bucky fanfic #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes #bucky barnes angst

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clearlydiamondz · 3 years

Text

Your Only Fan

Erik!Stevens x Black!Reader

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Erik Finds out his best friend slash crush has an only fans. Things go a little right once he finds out.

Warnings: Cursing, SMUT, 18+ Content

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It was a Friday night, which meant that (Y/N) was getting a chance to see her best friend, Erik. Or E, which she calls him. It’s been a minute since she seen him considering she’s been caught up in her school work and he’s been caught up in whatever he had going on.

Erik was excited when he saw that she messaged him, asking if he wanted to come over and watch a movie. Instantly he answered.

E: Awe, lil baby miss me :( lol

(Y/N): how you my best friend and you don’t even come see me no more. i feel neglected.

E: Don’t worry, I’ma be there in an hour..

(Y/N): make it 30?

E: oh u desperate? aight, 30 min it is.

Erik grabbed his belongings, grabbing his adidas bag packing an overnight bag. After getting his phone and charger, he made his way out the door and to his car.

(Y/N) finished up cleaning herself up after doing a session on her Only Fans. After about an hour, she earned about a good 900 alone from just tips and subscriptions. This was one of the good nights.

She made her way out of her bathroom, go to her little recording area cleaning all the toys and things before Erik got there. She didn’t want her best friend to find out about her dirty little secret. It was something that she wanted to keep buried for as long as she could.

She wasn’t ashamed of being a sex worker, she supported other girls. Spoke very strongly about it online. Even did some work with other girls and guys. She just didn’t want everything to change between her and Erik if he ever found out.

She was in the kitchen making her famous dip when she heard the door open. She looked up and saw Erik walking in with his things in his hands. “Wassup big head?” he said walking into the apartment as she smile at him.

“Hi E, so I found this perfect movie for us to watch.” she said as he groaned.

“It better not be no scary movie.” he said as she pouted.

“Nevermind,..” she mumbled looking down as he laughed. “Lemme put my shit down and Ima come show you some love.” he said as she nodded. There was no question that had (Y/N) had feelings for her best friend. How could she not? He was handsome, kept up with himself, a gentlemen. The way he talked and made her blush. It was hard not to have feelings for this man.

Erik walked into the room putting the extra clothes in the empty drawer she had for him. As he was putting the clothes inside, she heard his phone going off. He grabbed it seeing that it was one of his friends, Tyrel sending him an iMessage and picture.

Ty: bro , u know bout this??

Erik confused, opened up the picture to see an Only Fans profile. He was about to question him about it until he saw the profile picture.

“Is that-”

PearlyPerfection

Hi, my name is (Y/N), come visit me on my page to come play with me.

“What the fuck?” he whispered to himself. It took everything in him not to pull up OnlyFans on his phone, but it was failed. Miserably. He searched her name, sitting on the bed looking at one of the thumbnails on the videos. He saw that it was a price for ten dollars a month for the basic subscription fee. After paying for it, he clicked on the video.

“Hi daddy...’ she seductively whispered to the camera. She had on a white and black school girl outfit that barely covered her ass and pussy. Her skin was oiled, shining looking like milk chocolate. “My pussy been so wet just thinking about you. Do you want to see?” she gushed biting her lip.

Erik couldn’t contain the weapon that swing between his legs. Just by the second it was getting harder looking at her. She sat back against the pillows opening her legs to show her wetness.

Okay.. now I understand why she’s called Pearly Perfection...

If it wasn’t perfect, it was close to. The wetness spread across her outer lips, making her skin gloss. She spread her lips with her fingers, the yellow acrylic really contemplating her skin complexion, letting the wetness get on her fingers as she moved it up and downward to the entrance.

“Ooh that feels good..” she moaned quietly to herself. She dipped a finger inside, slowly fucking herself with it. She lifted her leg, slapping her vulva before leaning forward grabbing something behind the camera. She came back into frame with a clear dildo. She grabbed it, looking into the camera before licking the tip of it. She placed her mouth on it before deep throating it, basically shallowing the entire thing.

“Damn-”

“Erik!” he heard from the kitchen. “Everything good?”

“Uh yeah, I’m coming!” he exclaimed standing up. He exited the tab before placing his phone in his hoodies pocket. He stood up adjusting his issue, before walking out to the kitchen to see her pouring dip chips into the bowl.

“You good? Look like you seen some shit?” she said chuckling as he shook his head.

“If only you knew.” he whispered but she heard him.

“Did you say something?”

“Nah..” he walked into the living room grabbing the remote as she looked at him a bit confused. Damn, I can’t even get a hug..

She grabbed the dip and chips walking to the living room, placing it on the coffee table. She walked back grabbing herself a wine cooler and Erik a beer. She walked back walking past him plopping down on the sofa.

“I hope you found a good movie since you want to watch a damn scary movie.” she joked, all Erik did was just chuckle before going through the list. She looked at Erik waiting for a smart comeback but nothing.

“Erik... are you okay?” she asked him touching his cheek as he looked at her.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re acting strange. If something happened than you can talk to me.” she reassured him as he smiled. Erik turned back to the screen before picking a random action film.

About an hour into the movie, (Y/N) leaned forward grabbing some dip and chips, her shirt was risen up a bit showing her red laced underwear and her back side. It was usual that (Y/N) dressed like that around him, they were comfortable with it. But for known reasons, it had Erik squirming in his seat. She looked back to see why he was moving so much.

“Erik.. are you sure you’re okay?” she asked him as he nodded. She leaned back and he moved to the opposite side of her. “That’s it.” she grabbed the remote pausing the movie.

“The hell is wrong with you?” she asked him standing up as he looked up at her.

“What do you mean? I’m not-”

“Yes you are. You acting like you can’t touch me. You haven’t even eaten my dip and you eat my shit up as soon as it hits the table. I know when there is something wrong with you and there is something bothering you.” she said to him as he sighed scratching the back of his neck.

“Okay, I’m going to be honest with you but be honest with me.” he said as she nodded. “Do you have an only fans?” The question rightfully was a curve ball but she would never like to Erik. Plus, if he was asking about it most likely he already knew the answer.

“Yes..” she trailed off. “How did you find out?” she asked him. Her heart was beating fast, so loud she could hear it in her own ears.

“Ty sent me a picture of the profile.” he said as she rolled her eyes.

“Wow, creepy ass nigga.” she said smacking her teeth.

“No offense but there are a bunch of creepy ass niggas on Only Fans.” he said sitting up as she sighed. “Why you never told me about this?”

“Look how you’re acting. You can’t even touch me. I don’t want it to change things between us. That’s the last thing that I want to happen. A-And your acting different.” she pouted as he sighed. “Like if you ashamed that you are friends with me just up and say that. Trust me, it’s feels way more better than being- than being treated like I’m dirty or something.” Erik saw her eyes watering, and his entire mood changed. For a split second he forgot he was friends with a water bag.

“Wait, (Y/N) it’s not like that.” he stood up cupping her cheeks in his hands looking at her. “I don’t care what you do , you will always my best friend. I won’t ever look at you differently.” he said to her as she started to sniffle.

“So why are you acting like this?”

Erik mentally cursed at himself. Now he really is going to have to admit that he watched a video and felt some type of way about it. It was all happening the wrong way. “Before I admit it to you, there is something else I should admit first" he said as she nodded. She sat down as he sat down beside her.

“First of all, I’m admitting this to you because I’ve let this shit drag on for way to long and I need to just to say it. (Y/N), I’ve always had a thing for you. I’ve always wanted you to be mine. Like in a way where we are more than just bestfriends.” he said as she took it all in.

"Erik I-"

“Wait, I’m not done yet. Out of curiosity, I went to your profile and I saw one of you’re videos. Ima keep it real, shit was sexy as hell. To the point where I wanna fuck the shit outta you.” he admitted. If there was one thing that she loved about him was how honest he was.

“Okay, I just want to start off by saying that I have feelings for you too. And I want to be more than just best friends...” she trailed off as he smiled at her. “And another thing, if you have an Only Fans, doesn’t that make you one of those creepy ass niggas that-” her sentence was cut off by him pinching her thigh. “Ow.. that hurt.” she pouted as he smirked at her. There was something in his eyes that she never seen before. She stood up before straddling his lap as his hands gripped her waist.

“Oh you bold.” he said as she nodded.

“So tell me, what did you think about my videos?” she whispered in his ear. His eyes fluttered shut as he felt her lips kissing along his neck.

“They were something.. I- ooh.” he moaned out as she started to whine directly on his dick. She grabbed the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head showing his bare chest. She traced her hands up his chest before throwing across his shoulders.

Erik leaned in, brushing his lips passed hers smirking. With a brief movement her lips connected with his, him immediately dominating hers. He kinda tasted the cherry lip balm that was on her lips, that made her lips smooth and soft. Their tongues traced along each others in a way, like Erik was giving up his dominance.

She bit her lip, standing up from his lap as she smirked at him. “What you doin/” he asked her. When she didn’t give him an answer, she got on her knees. “(Y/N).’ he said in a warning tone.

“What’s wrong daddy?” she asked him. The way she said that you would think it was sinful. “I always thought about you fucking my throat, Erik.” she said as she smiled. She pulled the waist band down from his Nike Sweat pants, noticing he was free balling. “Oh you are big...” she said grabbing the base of it. She squeezed it making him jolt his hips forward.

She kissed the tip, licking along it tasting his pre-cum. She knew Erik always kept up with himself. Drinking water and eating fruit. If he tasted like this now, she wanted to taste him when he bust in her mouth.

She wrapped her lips around his erection, before going downward, letting her throat relax around him. “Nasty ass bitch..” he grunted thrusting his hips upward. Seeing him like this had her dripping down her thighs.

She was messy, he liked that. Spit dropped down her chin along pre-cum.

“This is how you do it, huh? Freaky ass...” he said throwing his head back. She smiled at him. She hallowed her cheeks inward to make it tighter as he grunted. He grabbed her lifting him as she pouted.

“Fuck wrong with you?” he asked her.

“I wanted you to cum in my mouth..” she said as he chuckled. He leaned forward kissing her, there tongues sliding against each other. She was just like him she liked having that shit messy.

“Let me ride it, daddy..” she whispered to him, stroking his dick as he stood up. They quickly took off all their clothes as she pushed him back on the sofa. She hovered over it and before she could sit on it, he stopped her.

“You still on the pill, right?” he asked her as she nodded.

“Yeah I am..” she said making him smirk.

“Thank God, I don’t plan on pulling out.” he said as she bit her lip. She sink herself on it as the both of them whispered out a quiet ‘fuck’. By far, Erik was one of the biggest nigga’s she been with. She had dildos his size probably a little bigger, but it was different because he was fucking her back.

“Tight ass pussy, this shit wet for me huh?’ he grunted in her ear as she gasped. All she could do was moan. “Answer me..” he started to thrust his hips upward s she moaned out.

“Fuck, yes daddy.” she gasped out as he smirked, He was hitting a spot that she ain’t even believe was possible to reach. He rotated his hips in a way that made him hit ever inch of her wall.

“You’re so fucking deep, I feel it in my stomach.” she gasped as he smirked.

“Yeah take all this big dick. Take it like a big girl. Making a mess all over my shit, I should have you’re nasty ass get down on your knee’s and clean it up.” he taunted her as she fucked him back. She gained her confidence back.

She purposely made herself tight as he halted his movements. He leaned back grabbing her waist as she smiled. “Does it feel good, daddy?” she asked him as he grunted squeezing his eyes shut.

“You tryna make me bust this quick? Huh? Get up. I got something for you’re ass.” he said. She lifted herself off as he stood up. He picked her up, walking to her bedroom. He threw her on the bed getting in between her legs. She prepped herself up to see what he was doing as he kissed her up along her thighs.

He licked along her folds as she let out a huge sigh. He moved his tongue in slow circular motion applying pressure. “Oh shit, just like that.” she gasped. He moved his tongue downward to her entrance. She started to grind herself against his mouth, basically using him.

“That’s it, use my fucking mouth bitch.” he grunted. His tongue was demonic. She wasn’t expecting to come so close but damn was she getting a run for her money.

“FUCK! ERIK! YOU’RE GONNA MAKE ME CUM...”

“Who’s stopping you?” he said to her. Within a couple of seconds, she came all over his tongue in lips with a piercing scream.

“Ass up face down. I’m beating that shit up until I’m done.” he grunted out at her. She turned on her stomach before lifting her ass in the air, creating the perfect arch.

Coming from behind, he entered her nice and slow as he winced. “Shit don’t make no sense. Why you giving me this good pussy, huh?” he said fucking her and she moaned. “I ain’t tell you again, answer me.”

“Because your dick feel so good in my pussy daddy..” she moaned out, gripping the sheets. She started fucking him back at the same pace. “Cum inside me please... I want it so bad.” she moaned as he smiled.

“Yeah, beg for my shit. Nasty Ass,” he grunted slapping her ass making her scream.. “Pussy making a straight up mess on my dick... shit fucking creaming.” he said looking at his dick. He paused her movement as she gasped at the sudden halt.

Erik was in a complete shock about what was happening. He was finally digging in her guts and he was about to bust all in her. He pulled out flipping her on her back as he settled in between her lips.

“Baby...” she moaned out as he smiled. Genuinely smiled.

“Talk to me..” he whispered kissing her shoulders as she shuttered.

“I’m so close.. please baby.” she whispered back looking into his eyes. The energy in the room instantly shifted. They weren’t fucking any more, they were making love.

He inserted himself inside of her as she let out at a satisfied sigh. He gave her slow strokes as he put his hands behind her to hold himself up. The strokes were slow and deep.

(Y/N) thought that the only sex she could enjoy was rough and hard, but she was just proven wrong about everything. She was loved this feeling. She didn’t know if it was because it was with Erik, but she needed more of this.

Erik was in his own world. His main focus was to make her cum. And he was close to itg just by the feeling. She was gripping him to the point where it was hard for him to move.

“Loosen up ma, shit tight as hell.” he said chuckling as she moaned.

“I’m sorry I’m so close..” she said as he nodded. He was close too, and most likely was going to cum before her.

Within a couple of seconds later he came deep. She felt his heavy load paint her walls, that triggered her own orgasm. She clawed at his back, definitely drawing a bit of blood. He collapsed right beside her as they both looked at each other.

“You do know that means that you are mine, right?” he said to her as she chuckled looking up at the ceiling. “I’m serious. I’m the only one that need to be getting all in that, you understand me?” he said as she nodded.

“Loud and clear..” she whispered before tucking herself under the covers.

“Quick question... why did you start doing it?” he asked as she sighed.

“Like two years ago, money got real tight. I started doing it, honestly I thought that it was just gonna be something for me to extra money on but than I blew up, and I started to get a lot of money from it. Now, I make enough money on it to pay all my bills, plus more. Including my job down at the restaurant.” she admitted to him.

“Hm, well I understand..” he said. Their was a sudden silence until he spoke up again.

“You could join me on my Only Fans. My fans would love seeing you fuck me.” she joked as he raised an eyebrow at her.

“Shit, I don’t mind.”

“Wait you serious.”

“Dead ass.”

The next morning, Erik woke up in the bed, where it was empty. The smell of her cooking made him get out of the bed. After brushing his teeth and what not, he made his way into the kitchen to see she was making homemade pancakes.

The only thing she had on was one of Erik’s T-Shirts that he left over her the last time he was here, with some a pair of boy shorts. “Good morning.” he said walking behind her wrapping his arms around her waist kissing her neck as she smiled.

“Good morning to you too.” she placed the batter on the counter, turning around to look at him.

“Mm, you smell good.” he said. “I’m so glad that I can finally call you mine.” he replied as she smiled at him. Here she was thinking that it was just something said in the moment, but she was glad the feelings were genuinely real.

“I am too..”

#killmonger x reader #killmonger smut #erik stevens #smut #black panther #erik stevens smut #erik stevens x reader #erik stevens imagine

787 notes · View notes

babymilkawa · 3 years

Text

a love that rings

bakugou katsuki, todoroki shoto (for the first half)

gn!reader :)

a soulmate au heavily inspired by the webtoon/kdrama love alarm

word count; 5682

warnings: angst, fluff, like one swear word

There are many things that Todoroki can put on his list of things he appreciates. The first bullet point, no doubt, would be your name in his curved but elongated writing, followed by several skipped spaces and then a list of the names of his friends. Except it doesn’t stop there. Below your name in those skipped lines there is an indented bullet point where little moments or traits of your relationship are written down. Here are a few:

I love it when y/n tells me why they love me

I love it when y/n brushes their lips on my scar

I love it when y/n says my name in their sleepy voice

And it could go on and on. He’s still adding more to it to this day.

Todoroki doesn’t know if you know about this list or if you have one of your own. He likes to know that it’s there, that he can always go back to it when he needs a reminder. And it’s never failed at that. Often times, he finds himself missing you late at night and he’ll just slip the paper out, reading it under the dim glow of his lamp. It’ll bring a fond smile to his face and he’ll be able to fall asleep just like that, counting the days until he gets to see you again.

So he’s never doubted your relationship. He’s always felt a sense of security from you that he didn’t think he could get from anyone. Aside from that, Todoroki felt like life was moving at the right direction for him. He was making progress with his quirk and he landed an internship at an agency away from his father. Todoroki was slowly letting his walls descend.

One day, the two of you joined your usual cafeteria friends for lunch. Iida and Midoriya were talking about the most recent exam and Tsuyu and Uraraka were having their own conversation. But upon sitting down next to them, you couldn’t help but notice that they were both staring intently at their phone screens, giggling and occasionally gasping. Out of curiosity, you scooted closer and asked what had caught their attention.

“Oh, y/n have you heard?” asked Uraraka. “Apparently there was this app called love alarm that used to be trending in the early 2000′s! Now it’s getting popular again, you should really check it out.”

Her attention diverted back to her phone so you decided to see what was so interesting about it instead of asking her yourself. Pulling out your phone, you decided to download the app seeing as you had nothing else to do. Next to you, Todoroki was engaged in the conversation with Iida and Midoriya, nodding along as he put your favorite items from his plate to yours.

While taking bites out of your own lunch, you created a profile for the app, picking a picture that Todoroki had recently taken of you. You were presented with a loading screen and it was just about to be completed when a ringing sound echoed the cafeteria, followed by another in the same pitch.

A blanket fell over the voices in the cafeteria and all heads turned to where the sound came from. Towards the east wall, where all the condiments are kept, two people stood facing each other, halos surrounding their feet.

You were still confused as to what was even happening when Uraraka gasped next to you and whispered, “They rang each other’s love alarm! They’re soulmates!!”

Upon looking closer, you saw that they were students from Class 1-B. Tetsutetsu and Kendo to be exact. The pair of soulmates were glancing at their cellphones and looking up at the other, faces beating a shade of red. Then, one of the cafeteria ladies banged their spatula on a tray and ordered everyone to go back to their own business.

Looking away, you focused your attention back to your phone where your own profile lay with arrows pointing to an empty bubble. Connecting two and two together, you realized that this app told you who your soulmate was. A lightbulb lit in your head and you turned to your boyfriend who was just about finishing up his lunch.

“Shoto! Have you heard? This app tells you who your soulmate is! See, mine is empty right now and I think it’s because you haven’t downloaded it yet.”

You turned your screen towards him and he looked at it intently, mouth still chewing.

“That's..interesting,” he said. “But why do we need an app to tell us that we love each other?”

“I know but Sho, I just want to see if this app is legit. Apparently, it was a thing back then too.”

He seemed to understand your reasoning and frankly, he was curious himself. Pulling out his phone, Todoroki downloaded the app and set up a profile. As the two of you waited for his screen to load, you overheard students from other tables talking about love alarm too.

“My parents said that this brought them together! It must be really accurate, then.”

Upon hearing that, your face lit up. It was true that you and Todoroki didn’t need technology to know that the two of you had nothing but love for each other. You already knew that he was your soulmate and that you were his. But the idea of having something like a man-made app confirm your feelings made you feel a sense of pride. It was the fact that you and Todoroki found each other even without one.

Your boyfriend’s screen finished loading and the two of you leaned your heads together, waiting for a picture of you to pop up in his empty bubble. A line of sparkles circled around it and there you appeared, followed by a burst of confetti on the screen. You gasped and looked at him excitedly, shaking his arm. He smiled at you and looked at your icon on his screen, pride swelling in his own chest. The picture he had chosen for his own profile was one that you took for him. It was on the same day as the picture that he took for you, and arrows linked them together.

Grabbing your own phone, you opened the app and waited eagerly for Todoroki’s picture to show up. You couldn’t wait to hear that same ringing sound you heard earlier and to see those overlapping halos by your feet. Then everyone would see that the two of you were made for each other, not even an app could disagree.

But after staring at it for a good minute, the smile on your face started to droop. The grey bubble on your screen remained empty, even the smile in your profile picture looked a little upset. Todoroki was looking too but he said nothing. Why wasn’t his picture showing up? Was the app just glitching? All the excitement you had felt earlier drained away. Todoroki, sensing your change in mood, took your phone and helped you restart it.

“Maybe a lot of people are using it at the moment, that’s why it’s being a little slow. I’m sure I’ll show up if you check later,” he said, throwing you a soft smile.

You simply nodded and turned back to your forgotten lunch. Around you, the cafeteria was still alive with voices and laughter. Somewhere in the back, another pair of rings echoed around. You picked at your food, not bothering to turn around to see who it was. That could’ve been yours. You and Todoroki could’ve had your own rings and everyone would congratulate the two of you. But instead, shouts of encouragement came from the back, not directed at you.

Everywhere you went, you could hear rings across the halls or people crowding around their screens. It only angered you even further, knowing that your own love alarm was not functioning properly. It had been a few days since the events at the cafeteria and Todoroki’s profile refused to show up on your screen. He tried his best to console you and to let you know that it was just an app. Technology had its own mistakes, too. And you were starting to believe him. Your own friends had pointed out that the terms and conditions stated that it was only proven to be right 95% of the time. So really, it didn’t mean anything if the two of you were not paired as soulmates. It didn’t mean that you loved each other any less. Todoroki suggested that you both deleted the app and you agreed. But a part of you still wanted to wait and see. If Todoroki didn’t show up, would someone else? But you quickly became disgusted with your own train of thought. How would your boyfriend feel if you were his soulmate but he wasn’t yours? He would be just as upset. And if someone else was paired with you? Right, it would break his heart. You had to delete it right away. And you were just about to when a gruff voice called out to you.

Looking up, you saw that it was Bakugou. The two of you would meet in the afternoon sometimes to train while your boyfriend was at his internship. You and Bakugou both had quirks that went well together. You had the ability to slow down time around you, with a proximity of 10 feet. It came with the cost of extreme exhaustion which is why you had to train your reflexes to react quicker, extending your time while holding out your quirk. Even a few minutes or seconds could make a difference in battle. Bakugou himself was able to react quickly to any situation thrown at him so you figured that he was the best trainer in order for you to advance with your quirk.

Forgetting all about your task to delete love alarm, you walked with your training partner and started to warm up.

There was a calm silence between the two of you as you both stretched and warmed up your muscles. Glancing at him, you saw that his face was molded into a stern expression and you wondered if he ever had any other emotion. Then, just as the two of you were getting ready to start, you heard a pair of rings coming from outside Heights Alliance. The sound sparked curiosity in you and you turned to your partner.

“Have you heard of this new app called love alarm? People are becoming obsessed with it.”

He shrugged, “Not interested.”

“Aw, come on. You should give it a try, see who your soulmate is.”

“Like I said, I’m not interested. Now hurry up before it gets dark.”

---

After taking a cold shower and finishing your homework, Todoroki had gotten back from his internship, just about ready to crash from how exhausted he was. Seeing your boyfriend like this made you reach over to ruffle his hair, helping him take his hero costume off.

“Have you eaten yet?” he asked.

You shook your head. “I was going to wait for you.”

“You must be hungry then. You can go without me, I just want to shower real quick.”

“I can wait for you, Sho. It’s no big deal.”

Too tired to argue, Todoroki nodded and went to go shower. As he was in there, you helped clean up his equipment and put his sweaty clothes in the laundry.

Somewhere in between, his phone had slipped out and you picked it up. You were going to set it aside when it lit up, presenting his wallpaper, a picture of the two of you on your most recent date. It made your heart warm and you smiled down at it. That’s right. You didn’t need some man-made program to tell you that Todoroki was right for you. You already knew it in your heart.

But you couldn’t help but wonder if he had deleted the app like he said he would. You realized you had forgotten to do that yourself. Oops. You could do it later. Now, you unlocked his phone, only to see that it was already on the app. So he hadn’t deleted it yet. Looking at the pictures of his gentle face and your happy features, you couldn’t help but feel guilty. Like it was your fault that your alarms didn’t ring. Obviously it wasn’t true but then it didn’t make any sense either. Did you just not have a soulmate? Did the universe decide to leave you alone? Each person should have their own. There was always a pair. Then, you started to doubt your feelings for Todoroki. You knew that you loved him, though. Was it just not enough? You couldn’t shake that feeling of guilt for your boyfriend. He loved you so much, enough for the app to recognize it. Maybe you just had to show it to him more. Yeah, that was it. All you had to do was openly show and tell him how much he meant to you.

Putting his phone to the side, you patiently waited for him to come out of the shower. You decided that now was a great time to start. As soon as he comes out, you would hand him his clothes and listen to him talk about his day. That was nothing different. But you would also make sure that he himself knew you were listening. Maybe throw in a light massage to his aching muscles. And that’s just what you did when he stepped out.

The two of you walked hand in hand to the kitchen of Heights Alliance, sticking your noses up in the air to the smell of good food. As Todoroki was talking next to you, you saw Bakugou enter the hallway and you were about to wave to him when the sound of rings bounced the narrow walls. Looking around, you noticed that there was no one around but the three of you. Heart beating in excitement, you pulled your phone out. Was it finally working? Did you finally ring Todoroki’s alarm? The other two pulled their phones out too and you turned your screen, ready to show your boyfriend his picture below yours when you saw that..he wasn’t there. But there was someone below your picture, alright. Instead, it was the last person you would ever expect. Looking down at your phone, you saw that a picture of Bakugou was connected with arrows to your own. And a series of halos surrounded your feet, linking you with him. And Todoroki was caught in the middle of it.

---

Back in your dorm, you found yourself angry, no, fuming. What kind of sick person would-would create something like this? Todoroki could sense your ignited emotions from across the room and he quickly went over to calm your shaking fists.

“Y/n, look it’s noth-”

“I’m sorry!” You said, looking up at him with glistening eyes. “I-I should’ve deleted it when you told me to b-but I forgot and-”

“Y/n.”

You swallowed, tears threatening to spill out. You tried to read your boyfriend’s expression but your vision blurred and oh god, why couldn’t you have just listened to him then..

“I’m not..angry, y/n. Just confused.”

You sniffed and he wiped away the teardrops leaking at the corners of your eyes.

“I didn’t delete it, either,” he said. “I forgot too. So, it’s not your fault.”

Right. You knew that when you looked at his phone. It wasn’t snooping, the two of you trusted each other and freely looked at the other’s phones often.

“But..” he continued. “I don’t think it would’ve done much of a difference.”

At this, you looked up at him and he nodded. “I did some research and apparently, your alarm won’t turn off just because you deleted the app. Once you download it and set up a profile, there’s no turning back.”

Oh. Oh. So that meant that Bakugou must’ve recently downloaded it. Because when you had asked him about it, he had said he wasn’t interested. Which is why your alarms didn’t ring while you trained. It was because he didn’t even have it then.

But then, the idea of you and your training partner made no sense either. The two of you could barely be even called friends. He would often dismiss any small talk you tried to initiate and only commented about your sparring mistakes. So what made love alarm think that the two of you were for each other?

You thought that it was supposed to bring soulmates together. But all you could feel was a whirl of emotions, anything but love and connectedness. It would bring a wedge between Todoroki and you.

“Y/n,” he said, bringing you out of your head. “I think that this app is..what people say it is. Meaning, I think it’s accurate. After all the researching I did, I didn’t read a single story or review talking about how two people who weren’t meant for each other were put together. I love you y/n..but I don’t want to be the one who holds you back from..Bakugou. If he's the one who'll really make you happy.”

Realizing what he was hinting at, you grabbed at his arms, furiously shaking your head from side to side.

“No! This-this app is bullshit! We can’t believe it! You make me happy, Sho!”

Todoroki slowly detached your gripping hands from his arms. “I just want you to be happy, y/n. And if it’s with him, then I’ll let you go.”

No, he couldn't just leave like that. You made eye contact with him and slowly took in a deep breath, letting your muscles relax.

He immediately realized what you were doing and backed away. "Don't."

But it was the only way to make him stay. By slowing time down around you, you could prevent him from leaving, from stepping out that door and turning away forever.

Todoroki, however, was quick to step out, leaving a distance of more than 10 feet between the two of you.

Heart heavy, you could feel the tears creeping back up so you let yourself exhale. It was no use.

He felt like he was doing the right thing for you, but his heart still filled with pain and regret. Todoroki left your dorm, trying to forget the warmth emanating from your hands just seconds ago.

---

In another dorm, one floor down and several doors away, Bakugou lay with his head in his hands.

Y/n? My soulmate? He didn’t know whether to feel hopeful or pity. Pity would be for the man you loved.

Bakugou had always admired your strength and determination, your beauty. And only recently did he really accept his feelings for you. He was doing a great job at hiding it, too. If the two of you were ever put in the same sentence, the topic would only be about your quirks and training. Nothing more. He made sure to avoid conversation with you, even if a part of him was dying to know your interests, anything outside of your quirk and fighting ability.

But now, this new piece of information left him confused, lost as to what to do next. And he always hated this feeling. The feeling of not being in control of yourself. It meant he was weak, vulnerable to whatever was out to get him. He had to figure out the next steps, quick.

First things first, he would delete the app. Yes, the last thing he wanted was to even hear those rings again, especially if they were coming from him. He was sure Todoroki would hate it too, his own significant other, ringing another person's alarm. Though the blonde and Todoroki never really got along, he couldn't help but feel remorseful.

Bakugou sighed out loud. If only he hadn't downloaded it. After hearing you talk about it before training, his curiosity sparked and Bakugou just wanted to know if he even stood a chance. Of course, his goals of becoming #1 couldn't even compare to his desire for you, at least that's what he told himself. He had long accepted that it was just a crush, no need to think about how he might like the idea of you being with him.

After deleting love alarm clean off his phone, Bakugou pondered about what to do next. Scanning his eyes around his dorm, he carefully thought about what could be done to erase that look of horror from your face earlier. His eyes landed on his gauntlets and he grabbed his phone again. Bakugou would text you, saying that the two of you shouldn't train anymore. Although he couldn't think of anyone better than you as his partner, he had to let it go.

The text was about to be sent when a thought occurred to him. Why was he doing this? Why was he trying to cut ties with you all of a sudden? Did he..care about your relationship with Todoroki? No, that's not it. Even if Todoroki looked so hurt at that moment, there was still something about him that pissed the blonde off. Then what was it? Did his feelings for you grow so strong that he cared about your happiness, even if it was with another man?

Annoyed, Bakugou deleted the text. He could just tell you in person later.

---

Back in your dorm, you found yourself pacing back and forth. When Todoroki left, you didn't know whether to go after him or to let him cool off. He was clearly distressed. Maybe it was just something he said in the heat of the moment, breaking up. Yeah.

Leaving your dorm, you set out to go find him. In the common room, a few of your classmates were gathered around, casually talking in their free time. Todoroki wasn't in the room and you were about to leave when you saw him enter, his bi-colored hair standing out. Your face broke into a smile and a call almost left your lips when a pair of rings broke out, shushing the people in the room. Your smile faded a little as you looked at your phone. Nothing changed, as expected. Bakugou's profile was still there but it wasn't yours that rang.

"Momo!"

You looked up. Mina's figure was hovering over the said classmate who was seated on the couch. Sure enough, a small halo surrounded her feet, followed by more increasing in size. Peering over her shoulder, you saw who her soulmate was and your heart shattered. Your breath left your lungs and your throat closed up. All you wanted was to just get out of there. You didn't even want to see where the other set of rings lay, you knew they were there.

After you left, Todoroki found himself staring at the spot where you stood. His eyes were on you when it happened. He didn't have to check to know that Momo's rings were connected to his.

Right after he left your dorm, Todoroki received a notification from love alarm.

Todoroki Shoto, a shield has been gifted to you.

A love alarm shield: your soulmate will be blocked, replacing them will be the second choice.

You can request for a spear anytime after the transaction and all effects from the shield will be erased.

Would you like to use it?

He did it for you, so you could be happy with your soulmate.

And there in the common room, on his screen, was Momo's picture.

---

The next afternoon, Bakugou walked up to you and asked if you still wanted to train together. In your eyes, he could see that you had gotten no sleep, mind still foggy from last night's events.

You answered him with a meek "yes," hoping that sparring with him would wake you up and help you recharge.

After seeing your ex-boyfriend's face on another person's phone, you decided that it was right to let him go. You understood then, how he felt. If Momo and Todoroki were really meant for each other, you couldn't get in the way. You wanted him to be happy too.

Beside you, Bakugou was silent as usual, hands stuffed in his pockets. But you knew that things were different. You were each other's soulmate but you felt like you were close to him as much as you were close to Tokoyami, whom you've never even talked to.

You just felt so lonely. Last night was the first night in months where you slept alone, without the security of Todoroki's embrace. And it didn't feel like that was going to change anytime soon. Bakugou was never one for small talk so it was a waste of time to even try to become closer to him.

The blonde himself was contemplating on whether he should strike up a conversation or not. The reason why he always closed himself off to you was because he knew that if he really opened up, you would be able to see every crack and flaw and he would be left vulnerable.

Still, Bakugou couldn't help but think of the app as some kind of calling to him. He felt like he had to give it a try at least.

Turning to you, Bakugou saw that you were patting your pockets, a slight frown creasing your forehead.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"I think I forgot my phone. Sorry, I'll be right back," you said, running towards the direction you came from.

Bakugou let out a sigh. Good, I didn't even know what I was going to say.

He decided to wait at the same spot instead of continuing the path to the field. It wouldn't take you long anyways, Heights Alliance was just in his view.

And only 5 minutes passed when he saw your figure come out of the dorms, jogging to catch up with him.

Then it happened again. A burst of halos surrounded you and looking down at his own feet, Bakugou saw that it was happening to him too.

You froze in place. Dammit, now?! As if things weren't awkward enough between us.

But 5 feet across from you, Bakugou was confused. He had deleted the app, didn't he? Why was it still linking the two of you together?

Slowly, you approached him and said, "Sorry, I know that's going to be annoying. You can't really turn it off."

"What?" You can't? That made no sense.

"Yeah," you continued. "Even if you delete the app, it'll still ring. Once you create a profile, you can't turn back."

That..sucked. And why were you apologizing? Bakugou thought. None of this was your fault.

"Well I guess you're stuck with me then," you joked.

Bakugou looked at you. "You're no bother."

He looked away but still noticed the surprise on your face.

"Really? I mean, training isn't too bad with you. I think we've both improved a lot."

Right. Training. He didn't care about your quirk or how compatible it was with his. He already knew all that. He wanted to know who you were. Your favorite food, hobby, cafe. And now was the best time, he felt.

And so as you trained, Bakugou let himself open up and he welcomed your attempts of small talk, listening intently to every word you said. Conversation flowed naturally out of the two of you and you wondered why it was never like this. Bakugou was someone who was so easy to talk to, even if it didn't seem like it. He probably just took some time warming up.

Over the next hour, Bakugou was able to learn more about you as a person. He felt like he was finally meeting you for the first time. It made him wonder too, why it took him so long to let you in. And to think that all he needed was a push from some app.

A half an hour had passed and training was going well. You were both drenched with sweat but adrenaline rushed through you and you eagerly welcomed it. It was times like this that made you energized. You could forget about every worry you had and focus on the moment, on the fire coursing through your veins.

You dodged a blast directed at you and almost froze it in time when you felt a kick to the back of your knees. What? How'd he get behind me so fast? Your legs gave out underneath you but a pair of strong arms were able to catch you before you met the ground.

Looking up, you made contact with a pair of red eyes staring down at you. He was close, very close. And only now did you notice how handsome the man in front of you was. His jawline was sharp and his nose had a perfect slant. He even had a few tiny freckles that spotted his cheeks. And..a small tint of pink.

Bakugou raised you upright and you both turned away. No doubt, your own face was rising with color.

Holding out a hand, Bakugou helped you get up and you were, once again, in very close proximity with the blonde. This time, you didn't look away. Instead, both your heads leaned in close until your lips touched and it felt..right. The kiss was short and left you wanting more. Bakugou had soft lips and he was surprisingly a good kisser.

For a second there, neither of you looked away. Your hand was still in his and your chests were almost touching. Then, as if realizing what just happened, you separated quickly. Bakugou cleared his throat and decided to call it a day. You nodded, suddenly feeling tired.

It didn't take long for the two of you to crave the other's lips, however. You found yourself in front of his door, asking him to tutor you before the next test. He would then make you dinner after a rough session, even if he was tired himself.

It soon led to lunch in the cafeteria together and hanging out with his friends. One day, he officially asked you out. You agreed, of course, and just like that, the hole that a certain someone had opened inside you was completed.

---

It’s been 2 years and you’re gathered around, taking your memorable graduation pictures. Bakugou’s got an arm around you and you’re both holding a bouquet of flowers his parents gave. The sun beating above you is burning through your black cloaks, making you look forward to that cold drink, sitting patiently at your favorite cafe with beads of water dripping down its shaft.

Looking across the parking lot, you can see other families and your fellow classmates crowding together for a picture to be framed, bright faces smiling behind a glass.

Todoroki holds his diploma tight and places a hand on top of his cap, not wanting the wind to blow away his hard work, his time in U.A., his memories. And looking back at the building behind him, he could feel all of them flooding back. Some were good, some were..best not to mention.

His phone buzzes in his pocket and Todoroki pulls it out. Speak of the devil. There was a message from love alarm.

Todoroki Shoto, a spear has been gifted to you.

A love alarm spear: all effects from the shield previously gifted will be erased.

You may not request for a shield after this transaction.

Would you like to use it?

Fingers hovering over the screen, Todoroki ponders. He's in a relationship with Momo. Would using this break them apart? He had asked her out without thinking one day and they had started from there. It took time, but they worked well on the field, quirks and minds blending together.

He doesn't regret asking her out, they have their good times. But he thinks about his future and if he really sees her in them. Yes, of course she'll be there. To say the truth, Todoroki just wants nothing to do with this app anymore. It gave him a new start and he'll end it at that.

Tapping the red letters on his screen, Todoroki tucks his phone away to lean in close to his girlfriend, smiling for yet another picture.

Hand in hand, you and Bakugou head towards his car, where Congratulations! has been written across the back window with marker. Flowers and their petals litter the exterior of the car as if the two of you had just gotten married.

Placing your bouquets and diplomas safely in the backseat, he drives you away, rolling down the windows as the two of you yell out your goodbyes to your classmates, promising to meet soon.

The air is nice and the wind blowing from the fully opened windows whips back your hair and kisses your face. Out on the sidewalks, people are biking around, enjoying the weather on this lovely day. It makes you smile, how content you are at the moment. You have your boyfriend next to you, a cold drink patiently waiting, and a bright future ahead of you.

Bakugou glances at you and upon seeing your smile, he spreads one himself.

There are many things that Bakugou can put on his list of things he appreciates. The first bullet point, no doubt, would be your name in his scratchy but still readable writing, followed by several skipped spaces and then a list of the names of his friends. Except it doesn’t stop there. Below your name in those skipped lines there is an indented bullet point where little moments or traits of your relationship are written down. Here are a few:

Y/n, I love them and I love that they remind me that they love me back

Y/n, I love them and I love that they support my goals

Y/n, I love them and I love that they are strong and independent

And it could go on and on. He’s still adding more to it to this day.

a/n: wow I'm like proud of this but the romance is where??

bnha masterlist

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seasonofthewicth · 3 years

Text

Rowaelin Month - Day 3

prompt: a secret relationship

extras: multiple povs

cw: one very brief mention of nsfw topics

word count: 3k

Fenrys knows his friends think of him as the joker of the group, and yeah he is hilarious, but there’s more to him than that. He can read the room, can pick up on the subtleties of whichever of his friends might need one of his jokes more than others on any given day. It’s a skill that makes him observant, watchful of people, and he notices things.

He’s not sure if Rowan and Aelin think they’re being subtle, and he’s not sure which of his other friends have picked up on the same things he has, but he’s pretty sure Aelin and Rowan are sleeping together.

He’s not completely sure, he doesn’t have any concrete evidence and they still act normally in the group, but he knows what he saw on the night of Elide’s birthday. He and Rowan have lived together for years and Aelin has crashed at theirs any number of times before but, until that night, she’d never emerged from Rowan’s bedroom the morning after wearing one of his t-shirts.

The material had completely drowned her. The short sleeves had hung to her elbows and the hem had been well down her thighs. She’d seemed somewhat… sneaky as she’d crept into their kitchen in search of coffee.

He knows not to read too much into things, friends share clothes all the time. He’s lost many hoodies to the collective wardrobe owned by their group of friends and he’s still pissed at Lorcan who he knows still has his The Cadre t-shirt from the gig they had attended a few years ago.

What Fenrys also knows is that friends don’t stand at the kitchen counter, holding the neckline of their friend’s shirt to their nose and grinning like an idiot.

He needs to speak to Aedion.

Elide has been friends with Aelin for years and that is more than long enough to know she’s almost always guaranteed to be late to their coffee dates. She’s not bothered, it gives her a few extra minutes to sip away at her own coffee reading her book with the general hum of the coffee shop lulling her into a comfortable rest.

It’s not long before her friend breezes into the coffee shop, the bell above the door ringing and signalling her entrance. It’s very Aelin, her entrance. The wind sweeps in fluffing her golden waves and her steps are full of purpose as she strides towards Elide.

“Sorry I’m late.” Aelin all but throws herself into the seat opposite Elide, smiling a bright smile for the relatively early morning they’re sharing.

“Don’t worry about it,” Elide says, finishing off her final swig of her first coffee. “Want me to go and get our drinks?”

“No, Ellie,” Aelin says, waving her hand. “First one’s on me. I was late, I’ll make it up to you.”

Aelin squeezes her hand before breezing back out of her seat.

She’s back only a couple of minutes later, finally relaxing into the large armchair she occupies. “So, what’s new with you?”

“Nothing much,” Elide shrugs. “Work is tough but nothing I didn’t expect.”

“I’m sure you’re smashing it,” Aelin says with a grin, then places her hand against her chest. “My little Elide, registered nurse taking the world by storm.”

Elide smiles, it feels good to hear those words, after all the sleepless nights and sweat and tears she’s finally where she wants to be.

Aelin continues, “You’re not pushing yourself too hard are you?”

“No,” she says and it’s the truth. “And even if I was, Lorcan is being wonderful.”

Aelin fake gags and Elide shoots her a mostly joking glare. “I find that hard to believe.”

“He is,” she says, thinking of the bath he had drawn her the night before and the massage he’d given her when she complained of her feet aching.

Aelin shifts in her seat as she nods along and the neck of her t-shirt slips down to reveal the ghost of a hickey on her friend’s collarbone. Elide raises an eyebrow.

Aelin looks down before grinning wickedly.

“Anything new with you?”

Aelin’s answer is interrupted by the arrival of their coffees in the hands of a handsome waiter.

“A large mocha,” he says and Elide raises a hand, “and a large cappuccino with cinnamon.”

Aelin raises her own hand. The waiter sets their drinks down, his eyes lingering on Aelin for a minute before he slowly backs away.

“Enjoy,” he says, his eyes still locked on Aelin. “Let me know if you need anything.”

He turns with a wink and Elide raises her other brow at her friend.

“Are you going to get his number?”

Aelin shakes her head. “Not today.”

Elide hums a response before leaning forward in her seat. “Why? You’d usually be all over someone like him, he’s exactly your type. Tall, muscular without being jacked, his curly brown hair, cheeky smile…”

She trails off when Aelin cracks a smile. “I guess I’m just not feeling it today.”

Elide wants to ask why again, she honestly might go over and get the guy’s number for her friend, when Aelin changes the subject rapidly.

“Are you going to Rowan and Fenrys’ later?”

Elide doesn’t process the change of topic until a little later on, once a couple more pieces have slotted into place. Eventually she’s pretty sure she’s worked out why Aelin didn’t want the cute coffee guy’s number.

She needs to speak to Lorcan.

Lorcan Salvaterre doesn’t like Aelin Galathynius.

He tolerates her at best for the sake of the rest of their friends but that said, he still probably wouldn’t want to see her hurt.

When Lysandra puts the message in the group chat-At the hospital with Aelin, dw they think it’s just a sprain-he reads it, absently thinks how he probably hopes she’s okay, and moves on with his day. He’s on his way to meet Rowan at the bar and if anything, Galathynius would want them to raise a toast in her honour.

What Lorcan doesn’t expect is the restless jittering of his best friend’s leg beneath the table, sloshing precious droplets of beer onto the table that his friend doesn’t even seem to notice.

“What’s the matter with you?” he asks as he slides onto his seat opposite the silver haired man.

“Nothing,” Rowan says quickly but his leg keeps up the restless pace.

Lorcan signals to the bartender for his own beer and turns back to Rowan. “Dude, chill out. There’s clearly something up with you and I’m not having you spill my pint.”

Rowan finally notices the state of their table and stills his leg. “Sorry,” Rowan says, using some of the beer mats scattered across their table to mop up the spill.

Now Lorcan really is confused. Usually Whitethorn would cuss him out over apologising. He doesn’t really know what to say.

His phone buzzes in his pocket and he ignores it as Rowan lurches for his own phone. He reads whatever’s on the screen then scowls and locks it again, placing it face up on the table. His knee begins bouncing again.

“You’re being weird,” Lorcan announces.

“Fuck off,” Rowan says and there’s the Whitethorn he knows and loves.

Lorcan opens his mouth to speak again but his phone buzzes and Rowan again lurches for his own. He chews at his lip as he reads whatever’s on the screen and so Lorcan bothers to dig his own phone out of his pocket.

It’s the group chat. He has a couple of unread messages, just Aedion and Elide expressing their concern for Galathynius as expected, nothing exciting. He locks his phone and places it on the table in front of him, watching Rowan for his next move. He’s definitely being weird and Lorcan has no fucking clue why.

His phone buzzes again and the screen lights up with the latest message. It’s Galathynius, he can tell from the stupid crown profile picture she has.

I’m alive, her message reads, just a sprain but I’m gutted bc I wanted a cast so you all could sign it.

Rowan is on his own phone when Lorcan looks back up, he’s tapping away but Lorcan doesn’t see any messages from him in the group chat. His knee has stilled under the table and Lorcan swears there’s something that looks like relief on his face. Relief? As if there was ever any danger of Galathynius not being fine.

Wait.

“Why the fuck are you so worried about Galathynius?”

Rowan’s eyes narrow and he carefully tucks his phone back into his pocket.

“I’m not,” he says but it sounds somewhat like a question and Lorcan isn’t convinced.

Until he decides he doesn’t give a shit enough to ask any more questions, Whitethorn seems back to normal and if Galathynius being fine is the reason for it he can think about it later.

And probably speak to Fenrys.

Aedion is drunk.

Like truly and utterly wasted.

So far a good night.

The rest of the group are somewhere dispersed around the bar but he’s happy here, tucked up in their booth, resting his head against the cushioned velvet while the room spins around him. He’s pretty sure Aelin is still in the booth with him and it might be Rowan with her but he’s too lazy to open his eyes to check.

He can hear the pounding base of a song he doesn’t recognise and he could fall asleep right here, somehow lulled to sleep by the beat and the volume of alcohol he’s consumed.

He doesn’t mean to listen to Aelin and Rowan’s conversation, even though he’s pretty sure it’s not intruding if they know he’s sat right there, but pieces of their conversation spike his attention.

“You don’t want me to stay at yours tonight?” he hears Aelin ask and Aedion is intrigued.

Lysandra is out tonight so Aelin has a safe ride home with her roommate and no need to crash at Rowan and Fenrys’ apartment.

“It’s not that I don’t want you to.” Rowan’s voice is low and hard to hear over the music. “But Fenrys is out with us and if I say I want to leave he’ll join me, then you know he’d ask questions.”

Aedion from tomorrow is screaming at him to pay attention to this conversation and so he keeps his eyes closed to try and listen in. He’s almost holding his breath to try and hear their voices over the noise of the bar.

They’re quiet for a moment and he’s so tempted to crack his eyes open.

“I know,” he finally hears Rowan say. “I’m sorry, Fireheart. We will.”

Hearing the term of endearment drop off Rowan’s lips is too much, it’s weird, he didn’t realise the two of them were close enough for Rowan to know about the nickname his cousin has. He risks opening one of his eyes to just a thin slit.

He’s not ready for what he sees.

Aelin is tucked under Rowan’s arm, resting her cheek on his chest. Rowan’s chin rests on the top of his cousin’s head before he softly presses his lips to her hair.

Aedion has many questions. He immediately closes his eye. He’s drunk, he can’t trust his eyes.

He hears rustling and then definitely his name from his cousin but it doesn’t sound like she’s talking to him.

Then, “Aedion.” Rowan’s voice has him blinking his eyes open and lifting his head from the booth.

They’re separated now, sitting with a couple of inches between them on the seat. Maybe he didn’t see them cuddled up a minute ago, he’s not sure.

“Drink this.” Rowan is holding out a glass of water, his tone leaving no room for protests.

“Hey,” he hears how slurred his voice is and catches Aelin’s laughter. “Thanks bro.”

Aelin puts her face in her hands. Rowan doesn’t crack, just waves the glass of water in front of him. He reaches out to grab it but he can see more than one of his hand reaching for the glass.

“Gods,” Aelin says, looking at Rowan. “Maybe you should take him home.”

“I will,” Rowan agrees quickly, looking at her softly and Aedion has about a million more questions. “I’ll get him to drink this first.”

Aelin nods and he finally manages to take a hold of the water and downs it in about a minute. Rowan slides out of the booth and holds a hand out to Aedion. He lets his friend tug him up and begins his stumble to the exit.

He feels Rowan pause behind him and catches the words, “meet you at yours afterwards.”

He manages to spin and see Aelin smiling as she leaves the booth too. He doesn’t bother to think about it, he probably won’t remember tomorrow.

He’ll ask Lysandra.

Aelin’s hand is clammy where she holds Rowan’s.

It’s the only sign of the nerves she feels, this conversation has been brewing for a while, and regardless of their friends’ reactions she’s happy with Rowan. Honestly, it’s only been about a month in total since that one night for Elide’s birthday that changed everything, but she thinks she might be falling for him.

She can’t believe she thought he was a dick when they first met. Well, she supposes he is a dick. One of the first things he ever said to her was that she was a spoiled brat but, in his defense, she’d just called him a stuck up bastard.

Now though she loves the thrill of his quick mind. Loves the way he can tease and taunt her until she’s trembling beneath him and about a second away from begging. She loves the soft kisses he presses to her hair when he knows she’s had a bad day, she loves when he comes back from work with a slice of chocolate hazelnut cake under his arm because he knows it will make her smile.

What she doesn’t love is keeping this a secret from all of their best friends. It started out as embarrassment, after they slept together on Elide’s birthday she didn’t know what it was, didn’t know if they’d just fucked everything up, didn’t know if their friendships were about to implode.

But then it happened again, and again and again, until it’s four am and she’s pressing her lips to his one last time so she can sneak out without Fenrys noticing and be home before Lysandra wakes up.

The sneaking around was hot at first. His hand over her mouth holding in her whimpers as he fucked her on the couch he shares with Fenrys, when he slid the pillow between her bedframe and the wall when Lysandra had texted asking if she could hear that weird banging noise, all the times they had cut it a little too close. But now, it’s exhausting.

She wants to be able to hold Rowan’s hand and kiss him without the wariness pooling in her stomach and she knows he feels the same.

“Guys,” she says loudly to the room filled with their friends. Rowan squeezes her hand where they’re hidden beneath a couch pillow. “We have something to tell you all.”

Five pairs of eves pivot to her and she swallows.

“Rowan and I are… dating,” she says slowly, as though she’s unsure of how the words will go down.

There’s a beat of silence before their friends erupt.

“I knew it!”

“I fucking told you they were.”

“Pay up you bastard.”

Lorcan scowls, pulling out his wallet and Aelin blinks. She did not expect this.

“Wait.” Lorcan holds up a hand. “Before I hand over any cash we need details. Dating or in a relationship? How long have you been dating? Who asked who? Who started this? Most importantly; when?”

She looks to Rowan who’s green eyes reflect her own bewilderment.

“Um,” he starts unsurely, “we’re in a relationship.” He punctuates this with another squeeze of her hand and she grins. The feeling of his fingers linked through her own spreads warmth up her arm before settling in her chest. “It started a few weeks ago.”

Her friends are all leaning forwards, still waiting.

“When exactly?” Lysandra asks. “Like what was the date?”

“Well, the first time was the night of Elide’s birthday.”

Fenrys launches himself out of his seat. “I fucking told all of you.” He holds his right hand out starkly in front of him. “Pay up all of you, I was right.”

There are complaints and grumbled protests but Fenrys ends up with a handful of twenties and Elide a couple of notes herself.

“Wait,” Aelin says, brushing a hand across her forehead as if this will somehow clear it up. “You guys bet on us?”

That seems to still the commotion coming from the other side of the room.

It’s Aedion who speaks. “Yeah,” he says in a way that sounds like duh. “You didn’t think you were subtle did you?”

“Kind of,” Rowan says eventually, leaning forwards to brace his elbows on his knees. “We weren’t obvious. And none of you ever seemed to let on.”

“Bro, are you serious?” Aedion laughs as Elide and Lysandra snicker.

“You seriously thought we never knew?” Lysandra sounds as baffled as Aelin feels. “All those texts I sent when I knew he was over? All the mysterious unnamed hook-ups on nights you and Rowan both disappeared together? All the times you’d think you were subtle but your lipstick would be on his neck? We have been waiting for this.”

She’s laughing and Aelin feels a bubble of laughter in her own throat. She can’t believe it. It had seemed to reach a point of obviousness but none of them had ever commented.

“I can’t believe you all knew,” she cries burying her face in her hands as Rowan slings an arm around her shoulders and pulls her in close. “Why did none of you say anything?”

“It was against the rules of the bet,” Fenrys says seriously and Rowan uses his other arm to dig his bicep, his laughter rumbling in his chest beneath her.

She smiles into the fabric of his shirt as the group erupts again, bickering over who knew first and who knew the most. Aelin doesn’t care, it’s gone better than she could have imagined and she has Rowan and her friends and she loves them.

A secret relationship no longer. It feels good.

#rowaelin #rowaelinmonth #thank you again to morgan for reassuring me this fic isn't a pile of shit lmao #secret relationship #rowaelin au #rowan whitethorn #aelin galathynius

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navalcriminalimagines · 3 years

Text

Match

Fic inspired by this scene (S17xE15) and @specialagentastra ❤️(gif and pic are mine)

Tags: @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @madamsnape921 @specialagentastra @ncisfan

Get Started.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs isn't sure what got into him. How did Phil Brooks manage to get him to do it? He hates everything about online dating, about smartphones, about technology. Why did he press the button? Sure, he still can change his mind, erase his profile (if he ever find how) and forget all about it.

But the truth is...he's lonely. For many years, he lied about it to everyone, saying that he wasn't if someone asked. But he is. Very much so.

Plus, online dating doesn't involve into anything, right? He's just going to see women's profiles and that's it. "Swipe left if you don't like her. Swipe right if you do." Phil told him. God, how he hates smartphones.

But Gibbs is smart. He hates those things and never got interested in them, but as Phil and Tobias show him how to use his new phone, he starts to get it. He just doesn't know more than what they show him.

Changing his picture profile was one of those things. "If you don't like the one I choose for you, here's how you can change it."

It's not that Gibbs doesn't like the picture, but he thinks that the less we see of him, the better. So, instead of the one Phil took, he puts one that was taking by Tobias while they were fishing. He can be seen from afar, holding the fish he just caught. That seems right to him.

Gibbs doesn't spend much time on the app. Sometimes at night, he hears the phone buzzing and he checks. Women swiped him to the right. He swiped to the left.

Maybe he's being picky. Or maybe he just doesn't how he supposed to value someone through a picture or two and not many more information about them. It feels so impersonal to Gibbs. He hates it.

"Have you match with someone?" Phil asks one night.

"No."

"Gibbs, come on!" His friend spots the phone on the coffee table and grabs it. "Let me do it for you." And he does.

For what feels like an eternity for Gibbs, Phil swipes either left or right, while the Agent is annoyingly looking at the western movie on his old tv.

"Crap, look at her!" Phil holds the phone right under Gibbs's nose. He doesn't have his glasses on, so the screen appears blurry to him. With a smile, Phil offers him the glasses with his free hand.

Still very annoyed, Gibbs grabs them. "Too young." He says when he sees the age.

"But pretty as hell!"

"Too. Young."

"Too. Late." he uses the same tone as Gibbs's. "I swiped right!"

"I hate you."

"You'll thank me when you'll have a date with--" Phil checks the name. "Y/N."

* * * * *

Online dating has never been good to you. You've been on it for about year, after a bad breakup, and until now, you've only matched with weirdos. None of those match led to an actual meeting and you were getting tired of it.

You barely pay attention when a new notification from the app comes through. You focus on your book, forgetting about it until your curiosity gets the best of you.

"Leroy Jethro Gibbs," you read out loud. "Dude, you seem good looking but a fish holding picture? Seriously?" yes, you're talking to your phone.

There's nothing much to this Leroy's profile. And the picture definitely doesn't get your interest, it's quite the opposite actually. You put your phone aside without locking it and return to your book.

A few minutes later, another notification comes through.

Leroy: Hey :)

How? How did he manage to send you a text? You didn't swipe. Or at least, you thought you didn't, but after checking, you realized that you did swipe... to the right. Damn.

You're too nice, you don't want to leave him on read - you know how terrible that is - so it's better you answer and eventually tells him the truth, or something close to it.

You: Hello.

Leroy: How are you?

You: I'm fine, thank you. You?

Leroy: Better now that you swiped right.

You: Smooth.

Leroy: I'm not really used to this. Are you?

You: More or less.

Leroy: I'd prefer to meet someone face to face.

You: Why are you on a dating app, then?

Leroy: Didn't you read my bio?

You: I did. But that friend didn't put a knife on your throat, did they?

Leroy: Nope. But if he did, I know how to fight anyway.

You: Right, former Marine?

Leroy: Gunnery Sergeant.

You could have stopped the conversation as soon as it's started, but somehow, you went on and on, all night long.

* * * * *

"What the hell are you still doing on that phone?" Gibbs asks his friend.

"Still talking with Y/N. I think she likes you."

Gibbs disappeared in his basement hours ago, leaving Phil is the living room. He knew that Phil sent you a text as soon as you matched with him, but he didn't except for it to keep going for that long.

"That's not me talking to her. It's you."

"I know you well enough to know what you'd say."

"You don't know me well enough to not do things like that to me."

"Stop complaining and get ready for a date this weekend."

* * * * *

Gibbs is still not sure how he got into this. But somehow, he finds himself at the diner on a Saturday night, waiting for a young and beautiful woman to meet him.

Is he nervous? No.

Maybe a little.

Okay, he is.

He read all the texts you exchanged with Phil - thinking that it was actually him - to make sure he wouldn't miss something. But it doesn't feel right anyway. It feels like he's lying to you before he even met you. That's not how a relationship can start and work.

Although, the chance of this turning into a relationship are close to none. "You know, you could just take her home, spend the night with her and the next morning--bye-bye." Divorce really changed Phil.

Gibbs is facing the entry, and checks everyone who’s coming in. He’s on his second coffee when he finally sees you.

Phil was right, you’re pretty as hell. But still very young, Gibbs doesn’t understand how you can even get interested in an old man like him.

But he doesn’t have to overthink it as you softly introduce yourself to him. He stands up and shakes your hand. You sit across the table and for a moment, none of you talk. You both feel awkward. “I don’t really know how to—“ he starts saying.

“Me neither.” You chuckle. “You’re actually the first match I’m meeting.”

“Really?” He looks at you, extremely surprised.

“Well, yeah. You know those weirdos I talked with…”

Gibbs vaguely remembers that part of the texts. But to avoid saying the wrong thing, he asks you what you want to drink. “Coffee’s fine.”

He calls for the waitress and orders your coffee. “People usually doesn’t understand how I can drink coffee at night.”

“Same. But with or without it, I don’t sleep much anyway.”

That’s how it started. Once you were talking, everything went smoothly between you two. You’re very interested by him, just like he’s by you. “You’re very nice, Leroy. There’s something I need to tell you.”

“I’m listening?”

“I didn’t mean to swipe right. It was mistake—but I’m really happy I did. You’re not a creep,” you warmly smile at Gibbs, he feels his heart melting inside his chest.

“I appreciate your honesty. I guess I should do the same.” You raise an eyebrow at him. “I wasn’t the person you talked with. My friend did it for me.”

Well, what you did was a honest mistake. What he did was... weird. You looked at him, confused and a bit disappointed. "I just ruined it, didn't I?" he asks for the look on your face.

"I talked with a man and met another one... that's--strange, Leroy."

"Look, this whole online dating-- that's really not my thing. And Phil, my friend, just wanted to help." he explains. "What do you say we start all over?"

Despite the other people talking around you and Gibbs, there's a long silence between you two. Gibbs just stares at you, unsure of what you're going to do.

You're thinking for a moment, before finishing your coffee. You stand up and to the man's surprise, you smile at him. "I'm gonna sit at the counter. Come talk to me like none of this happened."

He deserves the benefit of the doubt.

#ncis reader insert #ncis imagines #ncis fiction #ncis fanfiction #ncis x reader #leroy jethro gibbs #jethro gibbs imagine #leroy jethro gibbs x reader #gibbs x reader #jethro gibbs x reader #jethro gibbs #gibbs #phil brooks ncis #gibbs is an old man and we love him for it

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shemarmooresfedora · 3 years

Text

Rebuilding Family

Summary: Y/N and Spencer were college sweethearts at Cal-Tech but once Spencer got accepted to the FBI Academy, he ended things deciding it was not fair to make Y/N wait for him. When they meet again years later, he discovers something unexpected.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: vomiting, light angst due to body image issues (pregnant!reader)

A/N: i have been working on a WIP all day! it’s going to be my longest one-shot by far. if you would like a hint, click here (another hint: it’s not a retelling of the episode)

Masterlist

Chapter 28

Gradually over the summer, your bump started to peek out just a little bit. The bottom of your belly would poke out of your tank tops slightly.

Spencer loved it because it gave him better skin-to-skin contact. He would constantly be rubbing and kissing your tummy while whispering softly to the baby.

He would often visit you in your office for lunch so he could bring whatever you were currently craving. You learned this the hard way once when you packed a chicken caesar wrap for lunch one morning and by the time it got to noon, it made you nauseous just looking at it. Spencer brought you watermelon that day because it was the only thing that sounded good.

You were just finishing up an email when there was a knock at the door.

“It’s open,” you announced.

“Hi, love. How are we doing today?” Spencer inquired.

“Better now that you’re here,” you looked up from your computer to give him a kiss.

“I brought you your fruit salad with extra watermelon and your prenatal vitamins. Also, I don’t know how your stomach is feeling but I would like you to try to have some protein because fruit does not have much sustenance for you and little one. I brought tofu, peanut butter crackers, or a protein bar, whatever you think you can get down,” Spencer unloaded his bag.

“I finished the whole 64 ounce water bottle before noon. Aren’t you proud of me, babe?” you beamed, proudly displaying your empty bottle.

“So proud, I’ll go refill it right now so you can take your vitamins,” Spencer lifted your blouse up and placed a gentle kiss right on your belly button, “Daddy will be right back, little one.”

You awoke to the sickly twisting feeling in your stomach and you carefully rose from the bed in an attempt to not upset your stomach any more.

Spencer was up and out of the bed as soon as he heard the first retch. He grabbed a hair elastic and tied your hair back, rubbing soothing circles on your back.

“Spence, I can’t be sick today,” you cried.

“Jo will understand, love. I’ll tell her you are taking care of little one.”

“I don’t want to miss her first day of first grade,” you sobbed into his chest.

“I will facetime you and take so many videos and pictures, you won’t miss a thing,” he promised you.

“I’m going to call you out of work. Then, I’m going to get you some tea, plain crackers, and iced water,” he kissed the top of your head.

“Will you be okay in here by yourself for a little?” he asked quietly.

You sniffled and nodded.

“Okay, shout if you need me. I’m going to go get that stuff for you and wake Jo up.”

“I want to at least say bye to her. I want to see her in her first day outfit,” you insisted.

“Of course, we’ll be back up in a little,” he assured you.

About 15 minutes later, Spencer returned with a tray of just about every drink and food you had been craving for the past week.

“I love you,” you smiled.

“I love you more,” he replied, setting the tray down on your nightstand.

“Mommy, brother or sister is being bad?” Jo asked.

“No, baby,” you motioned for her to climb up on the bed with you, “They are just growing and it is making Mommy a little sick but it’s okay. I’m sorry I can’t drop you off with Daddy today. But luckily, I heard your new teacher is super nice and you have Henry in your class again this year.”

“Bye, Mommy. I’ll miss you,” she hugged you, “Bye, brother or sister,” she waved to your belly.

“Bye, Baby J. I am expecting a full report on everything that happened as soon as you get home,” you smiled.

“I’ll be back in 30,” Spencer helped Jo off the bed, looking at you worriedly.

“Spence, I’ll be fine, don’t worry,” you assured him.

“Call me if anything happens like even if you just think you’re about to throw up, call me,” he insisted.

You nodded, “Have fun!”

“There’s my big first grader!” you smiled with open arms.

You were waiting on the couch for Jo and Spencer to come home from pick up time.

“Mommy!” she ran into your arms, “Ms. Moore is so nice. She let us color whatever we wanted for an hour during craft time today and she had a whole bin of dinosaur books in the library. And, me and Henry played on the big kid swings at recess today and I jumped off into the air!” she exclaimed.

“Oh my gosh! What a fun day you had!” you smiled.

“And you didn’t even hear the best news yet, Daddy signed up to be a classroom helper,” she beamed.

“Did he now?” you grinned, turning your attention to Spencer.

“Ms. Moore had the sign-up sheet out at pick-up time. How can I resist spending more time with Jo? I’m going to get lonely when both my girls are at work and school,” he plopped down on the couch and squeezed you both.

You couldn’t find a single cute blouse that still fit you that morning. You had to wear an ugly wrinkly gray one from the back of your closet that you bought a while back and hated but never got around to returning. You brushed through your hair quickly and forwent any makeup because you already felt like utter crap.

You would have called out sick but you had an important department meeting today that you had to sit through. Luckily, that meant little to no talking but you just had to pray that your stomach would settle.

At the end of the long day, you went home and changed into sweats. In an attempt to cheer yourself up, you drove to Jo’s school to see Spencer in action. It was his first day as class assistant.

You approached the classroom to see Spencer surrounded by a group of moms. They were all over him, practically swarming him like bees to honey. These were the exact moms that were horrible to you last year. They were all dressed in high heels and skinny jeans, stuff you couldn’t wear anymore.

You turned around and headed back out to the car.

Spencer immediately noticed your car wasn’t in the driveway when they got home.

“Love?” Spencer called out, setting his keys on the table when they entered the front door.

No response.

Spencer tried your cell but it rang out.

He immediately had Garcia on the phone next, “Penelope, I need you to track Y/N. She’s not home yet and not answering her cell and I’m worried.”

“Oh, McDonald’s? Okay, yeah thanks. That’s been one of her cravings recently,” Spencer hung up the phone.

“Why did Mommy leave school and now she’s not here?” Jo questioned.

“Mommy wasn’t at school today, Princess. I think you are confused,” Spencer furrowed his brow.

“Daddy, I saw her,” Jo stated.

“Okay, I believe you,” he picked the little girl up and exited the house once again.

You didn’t want to be the crazy pregnant lady in a McDonald’s crying with a chocolate milkshake and a large fry but that is who you had become.

You heard the bell chime but you didn’t look up, dipping your next fry into your milkshake.

“Love, what’s wrong?”

Spencer was standing over you, looking very concerned and carrying Jo on his hip.

He set her down and whispered, “How about you go play in the play place for a little, Princess. Daddy will order you a happy meal.”

Jo looked at you with the same amount of concern in her eyes before deciding it was best to just follow what Spencer said. She ran off and Spencer took the seat across from you.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he spoke softly.

“Not particularly,” you took a long sip of your milkshake.

“Jo said she saw you at the school today,” Spencer stated.

It didn’t take a profiler to see the way your face sank even more and you stopped sipping your shake.

“What upset you so much, love? I need to know if I’m going to fix it,” he grabbed your hand and kissed it.

“Nothing fits,” you stated.

“We’ll buy you more maternity clothes,” he replied quickly.

“I look ugly,” you protested.

“Completely and unequivocally false,” he answered sincerely.

“Those moms are going to steal you away from me,” another tear slid down your face.

Spencer’s face softened, he moved from the seat across from you to right next to you.

“You are probably feeling some residual feelings of abandonment because you had to do this alone last time,” Spencer stated softly.

You buried your face into his shoulder as confirmation.

“Love, I am never leaving you or Jo or little one ever again. There’s nowhere else I want to be. This is what makes me happy,” Spencer looked around, “I’d gladly stay in this crusty McDonald’s forever if you and Jo are here.”

Your giggle was muffled by his cardigan.

“That’s what I like to hear,” Spencer smiled, wrapping his arms around you.

A/N: i named Jo’s teacher ‘Ms. Moore’ as a little shoutout to @homoose !!! moore...moose, close enough. she was one of the writers who inspired me to start writing my own fics

taglist: (just ask to be added or removed!): @samuel-de-champagne-problems @g0lden-cth @spencerreid9 @averyhotchner @coldlilheart @k-k0129 @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange

#spencer reid fluff #dad!spencer #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer x reader #reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #cm fanfic

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