#journals of thoughts past

[ampersand-sideblog]

Thought from 6/6/21

i cannot fucking believe this i just was handed the phone and told it’s my insurance company and they need consent from me in order to speak to my mom and i put it to my ear and said “Nyello?”

#journals of thoughts past

[eccedentesiast-skies]

Learning to grieve aspects of yourself once believed would be apart of you forever, is one of the scariest yet most enlightening experiences.

#deep #it's okay to grieve #grieving #past memories #deep thoughts #lost #deppresion #poetry #childhood truama #mental illness #personal writing #self poetry #getting older #growing up #lost childhood #the end of the beginning #writing #anxienty #journal #journal thoughts

[fluffs-n-stuffs]

Pokémon Horizons Episode 24 spoilers under the cut!

HEY AMETHIO BESTIE WHAT DOES THAT MEAN . WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

#fluff binges !!! #GUESS WHO'S OFFICIALLY CAUGHT UP WITH HORIZONS AND GOT TO WATCH THE LATEST EP FROM YESTERDAY !!! 💥💥💥💥💥 #I have a bunch of posts to make about the previous eps because I enjoyed them a lot but first oh my g o d #adding an extra tag here before spoiler talk --------------------------> #I was still reeling from finding out that Hamber was Diana's old friend I like genuinely jumped from seeing that #butler jumpscare /lh #Hamber's essentially Gibeon's righthand at this rate and considering how Onyx and Sango were even scared of him that spells out bad news #NO BUT WHAT WAS UP WITH TERAPAGOS BEEFING WITH AMETHIO AT THE END I'M.................................................. #AMETHIO HAVING AN EVEN BIGGER ROLE IN THIS STORY ASIDE FROM HIS OWN PERSONAL VENDETTA?????????????????AMEN AMEN AMEN #it's so funny for the past few episodes I was thinking to myself “man I miss Amethio I miss my edgy son where is he :(” #AND HE NOT ONLY CAME BACK BUT POSSIBLY HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE PAST CONSIDERING TERAPAGOS' REACTION................... #my current theory is like - maybe Amethio's a descendant of someone who knew Lucius? #and maybe they're the reason why he's been missing all this time? because that was anger Hatenna was sensing I feel #and terapagos was acting so aggressively thinking that Amethio was that same person from before /insane /insane /insane #I thought that Liko could possibly be a descendant of Lucius as well but it seems like Diana only knew him through his journals- #-not by relations like I initially thought #OOOUGHGGHGNNGG I NEED MOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE #next friday come soon huhu #pokemon horizons #anipoke #pokeani #amethio #amethio pokemon

[boyghcst]

​idk not being able to trust ur own memories thoughts and feelings and constantly second guessing everything u think and do is no way to live

#idk but i feel like im always gaslighting myself n idek whts real or true or right. thoughts w past bad experiences #like I’ve just completely forgotten them. n idk ive had dissociative amnesia growing up w trauma #n it kinda feels like it’s the same thing where i just can’t remember like for so long it was the only thing keeping me up at night #and it makes me feel like a fraud. #I do doubt myself alot. like i always rhink in the bad person and in the wrong from bad experiences I’ve had w ppl #but like what if im not acc wrong n tht they were just harmful n i was struggling w it idk. #i hate thinking of myself as a victim and think im far more likely just a bad person #but everyone around me thinks the exact opposite even therapist so idk it’s like my own perception is so different to others #journal

[goldkirk]

as I'm going back over my past history and items and journals and years, I come across all sorts of things, like the pencil I saved from that so-precious memory from second grade, and a pair of flip flops I've been missing for two years, and (tw for murder/crime/killings) the modern-high-school-AU-kidnapped-by-a-serial-killer story I wrote in late high school jdfsjdfsjkjlksfd

#i can't wait to find out what red flags I didn't see in my own self back when I last read this thing in 2015 hfdhfdhjsfd #also. there's gonna be like a good sentence here and there and then CRINGE. the whole rest of everything is just me still trying to copy th #breathing pace (essentially) and ways-of-describing-things of mainstream authors like I thought I was supposed to #so this'll be somewhat painful but also god what a joy and a gift and an honor and a delight to get to hold this close to my heart #and witness it with understanding and empathy and slow reflection and care like my past younger self deserves #i'm so lucky i'm alive to be here and do this #i'm so grateful i'm headed towards welcoming back and embracing the last little girl i was that still felt a lot of things #so excited for her focus and precision and tenacity and constant curious joy and movement to be back someday #i'm afraid people won't like the me i was before rule after rule and then dangers #but my god it'll feel so good to be the fully-flowing energy machine and dance and conduit again how will I have enough bother to care? #people who are good to each others' nervous systems cumulatively feel better and better #if i'm not good for you and yours then you really truly SHOULD go elsewhere and find someone who makes YOUR self feel right and light + war #anyway now that i wrote an essay in the tags as usual [nervous laughter] #personal #add to journal #words n rhythm #WHY DID I FEEL CAPABLE OF UNDERTAKING A STORY LIKE THIS #cradling my past self gently but also BANGING my HEAD against the WALL lmao #i'm proud of myself for writing and sharing this and its creative ideas. even if i don't like it now or feel ashamed or see mistakes. #anything. it mattered that it came to me and it mattered that i explored it and it mattered that i poured myself through it to help shape i #and it mattered that I left it on the internet so that now it still exists. i'm going to honor this story no matter what current me would #objectively think about it if it was written by anyone else. #this is a gift i give myself now. #this is a lot of what I learn and learn to do #trauma evolution #mosswrites

[mariemariemaria]

Does anybody else feel like mental health awareness has done very little to help them in material reality

#i was gonna say done nothing to help but that seemed too harsh #like there definitely is more knowledge about it now. maybe more people feel comfortable speaking about it which is good #but personally i don't feel that. like idk. workplaces will post about mental health awareness and then do nothing to help employees #the same w universities. my uni cut back the already meager mental health support #and then the government is doing absolutely fuck all as well #like idk im just back in a place i thought id gotten out of long ago and i still don't feel comfortable talking about it with people #maybe that's a me problem or maybe it's cultural or something idk. but in the 10 years ive been depressed (🫠) i don't think it's gotten a #whole lot better. teenagers are still dealing with the same shit i did and they're still not being taken seriously #women's mental health is not even spoken about.....anxiety depression sh eds etc are still ignored or seen as hysterical behaviour in women #or just normal esp with disordered eating. society hasn't changed people still want women to be stick thin and weak #like i know 10 years is a short time and there has been massive improvements in mh awareness if we look back over the past 50+ years #but idk i just think that it hasn't gotten better for a lot of people #i think specifically of belfast and like god. the amount of trauma there is the amount of homelessness the amount of substance abuse #drug abuse in particular that has gotten visibly worse over the past decade or so* #and i connect the dots n see the 2008 recession + a tory gov defunding the nhs + dehumanisation of homeless people & addicts + the troubles #+ ptsd + generational trauma + a negative peace + classism + paramilitary drug dealers + parties linked to those paramilitaries #and its like hmmmm i think we live in a society. and a mental health approach based on individual actions like journaling and meditation #isn't the way to go. or at least is not the be all and end all which is what a lot of mental health awareness raising seems to promote #*visibly worse on the streets. it was always a problem ofc but even a decade ago my parents never imagined it would be as bad as it is now #and it's become so normalised. i do think there's less individualism here than there seems to be elsewhere which can be good and can be bad #but i think we are becoming more and more individualistic. slowly. there's still a sense of community here but i do think it's changing #and callousness towards homeless people is one of the most obvious examples of this. #love when i put a wee asterisk in the tags of a post. like i have A Lot To Say lol

[emotionalblunting]

The scary thing is,

I haven't had to overthink once about you.

You've showed me nothing but love, attention, and reassurance...

without even having to ask for it.

I'm not used to this - used to things turning out well for me.

You've truly never given me a reason to question your intentions.

Yet, I've found myself looking for a reason to because that's all I know.

I'm so fucking damaged - that I'm just waiting for the moment where things go downhill.

Part of me feels like you're everything I could've asked for in a person.

And for that, I've been relieved.

You've given me peace of mind.

I haven't been in my head as much as I thought I would - especially considering my past...

but I'm still learning how worthy I am of this kind of love.

#thoughts #journal #mood #love #feelings #you #emotions #overthinking #truth #relationship #new #partner #damaged #worthy #happy #overthink #intentions #past #attention #reassurance #emotionalblunting

[blueberry-beanie]

I have several job interviews tomorrow (there is a sort of job fair and a media industry congress happening at university) and I tried to prepare for them. It's been so long since I had to do all of these business-theatrics and I'm unsure about how well I'll be able to present myself.

#i better manage to persuade at least one company to give me a job before i run out of money :) #if that should go wrong i still have one or two ideas before it becomes critical so let's see #wish me luck guys #i've been in a really weird mind space today #somehow a lot of past happenings came to my brain and i started crying like an idiot only bc sth small and actually nice happened #my journalism professor randomly thought of me on a sunday afternoon and wrote a mail about a conversation our class had wednesday #and he encouraged me to pursue a masters degree and offered his support with obtaining a scholarship for that? #didn't know he remembers my name

[ampersand-sideblog]

thought from 10/1/21

i forgot the tables here have paws

#journals of thoughts past

[manjibunny]

I think we all should collectively hold hands and have therapy sessions and work on our self concepts together 💕

#zaya's silly lil thoughts #the past midnight angst is real #one moment I'm playing love and deepspace and the next I'm asking myself why I'm so replacable #I thinking it's time to start journaling my emotions and feelings and blehhhhh

[truth-01001001-liar]

Guildmaster Sees-All-Colors: Do you remember—

Me: no.

#of course i don’t i havent played this game in a while and the story is just lacking enough that I sure don’t know what ur talking about #im sure my vestige remembers but I sure don’t:( #this is why I want eso to have a journal like morrowind does… so u can look and see what u did in the past so ya know what’s goin on ever #i know it tells u what ur currently doing in the journal but I’m talkin seeing past quests #if there’s a place to find that in game i sure can’t find it. #i thoughts and thinks

[silasbug]

commending the bug that decided things were going to change last year, August 3rd, 2022.

you were ambitious. you tried.

then you stumbled, fell on your face, curled up into a ball, and cried.

nothing changed. (things got worse.)

2024 is just around the corner.

we'll try again.

(i'm trying to care enough to try again).

(it's hard).

#okkk... let's go... #bug.txt #journal entry #i guess that's not the right tag but whatever #no thoughts head empty #i want to give past me a hug #but i feel like i need a hug instead hahaha #that's.. a testament #i think i've made a post before about how i have missed my little journal entries to be able to track how i've been progressing #this is the only thing you're getting this time #sorry future bug #sorry past bug #i know you wanted us to be better

[hiddenworldofmary]

late at night when you’re plagued by thoughts old and new, the only person you could ask for advice isn’t there and all you can do is imagine the conversation you would have if you could

you cry and you journal and life goes on

#be strong little mary #some things will be harder than others to navigate alone #but you can do it #some things from the past resurface and that’s ok #first you think then and then you think some more and only then you act #whatever you do it will be ok #just don’t be stupid #cry all you want but don’t be stupid just because you have a more vulnerable moment #put the thoughts on paper and hope for an answer of some sort #this whole year is just a massive fucking test isn’t it #hyping myself up #i guess #late night thoughts #thoughts #personal #mine #journaling #can’t sleep #again #💔❤️‍🩹

[pharaohsketches]

mental health marker journal 6: cult of personalities

#art #illustration #artist #illustrator #drawing #female artists #artists on tumblr #sketch #halloween #pastel #past lives #actually bpd #bpd vent #bpd thoughts #bpd #actually borderline #bpd splitting #mentally ill #mental health #mental illness #markers #colored pencil #pen #ink drawing #alcohol markers #pencil #gradient #journal #sketchbook #borderline personality disorder

[thoughtsofaniraqigirl]

time is a funny yet cruel thing

i miss the past but i don't belong in it anymore

#journal #thoughtsofaniraqigirl #writing #diary #thoughts #emotional #love #i miss you #lover #emotions #love quotes #life quotes #quotes #time #creative writing #the past