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whiskeyapologist · 4 months

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was looking through my camera roll & realized i never posted about this?? but i did a check please theme in my bullet journal back in april & i am still beyond obsessed with how it turned out!

task list & cover page

april was all about finishing my fucking thesis (i earned my mfa in stage automation in may) & i used the task list to break down each section of my thesis & make it less intimidating. i still pulled a bitty & had to marathon write most of my thesis within a like 36 hour period. i slept so good once that draft was finished!

when i started planning this theme, i flipped through the comic & decided pretty quickly i wanted the cover to be this view of faber from 4.25 "faber". i filled the outside with some of my favorite details from throughout the comic, including (clockwise from top left) the "text from chowder: i'm shouting!" from 4.2 "nonstop celly", jack's "oh" moment from 2.17 "graduation", the jack lego (?) figure from 3.1 "wag", dex & nursey's background roach & house bubbles & (i think it's) ransom's "et tu lardo?" bubble from 2.12 "post i: roadie", one of my fave senor bun appearances that didn't make it into a weekly from 1.16 "linemates", & bitty's phone (i don't think there's a specific appearance of bitty's phone that looks like this, at least not that i'm finding in the flip-throughs i've done to write this post. i think i did a lil freehand moment with it, but if anyone happens to find it in the comic, let me know!), as well as my usual little calendar & monthly focuses section

monthly calendar & habit tracker

the monthly calendar & playlist is inspired by the smh team roster hanging on the bulletin board in the haus at the beginning of year 2

the habit tracker features a few other details from 2.1 “moved in”, namely the “haus sweet haus” rug & the sock pinned to the bulletin board. the shopping list bubble is a callback to the “jizz!” speech bubble also pinned to the bulletin board next to the sock

meal & time trackers

the breakfast, lunch, & dinner headers are a callback to the hockey puck taped to the bulletin board

not much to add here, but it’s a great time to mention the “it’s tough but you’re tougher” speech bubble from 4.20 “spotlight on eric bittle” which was the quote i used to decorate my grad cap ❤️

weekly #1 is modeled after y1 & features my favorite y1 senor bun appearance (1.18 “playoffs - i”) & line (1.8 “checking clinic”)

weekly #2 is modeled after y2 & features my favorite y2 senor bun (2.10 "shinny") & line (2.4 "hazeapalooza")

weekly #3 is modeled after y3 & features my favorite y3 senor bun (3.3 "meet the falconers") & line (3.26 "cup v - post")

weekly #4 is modeled after y4 (the layout of the top panel specifically is modeled after the first panel of 4.16 "christmas in madison - iii" which shows a bunch of the christmas pics/posts from the rest of smh & tater) & features my favorite y4 senor bun (4.17 "senior thesis") & line (also 4.17 "senior thesis"). i has some extra space, so i included some excerpts from bitty's y4 tweets

camp nanowrimo tracker, before the pen. the left is just a table for tracking time spent on & words written for my thesis & the novel i've been working on forever. my camp nanowrimo goal was to write 1 hour every weekend day & 2 hours every week day, for a grand total of 50 hours, which i am proud to say i achieved! the right is a visual tracker, where each pie was equal to an hour of writing. i included 50 pies for my 50 hour goal. the bubble near the top is from 1.4 "the haus" with 2 footnotes i added; one on "kitchens" that says "word docs", & one on "pies" that says "words". clearly i think i'm very clever lol

visual tracker, filled in. i surpassed my 50 hour goal with about a week left in the month, & i wanted to include that additional progress on my tracker. once the month was done & i knew how much i needed to add, i made a tip-in (although this might just be a fold-out lol) to tape in. on one side, i included the dialogue bubbles from a panel of 3.19 "keagster"

on the other side of the tip-in/flip-out, i included jam jars for the additional 10.25 hours of writing i did, plus "it's gonna be two trips" also from 3.19 "keagster"

& that's all the spreads! spreads were done in an archer & olive b5 notebook. supplies include: mildliners in the colors vermillion, dark blue, beige, & gray; a black papermate flair, a white gellyroll pen in size 08, and stabilo pens in gray and brown. oh, & a piece of masking tape, bc i couldn't find any clear tape lol

#omgcp #bullet journal #i did so many good themes in my b5 journal but i'm pretty sure this one's my favorite

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rhoorl · 6 months

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Week in Review: Nov. 19

Hi there! Posting this recap a little later than usual because it was an action-packed weekend and I was a bit off my routine. I hope you had a good week. I’m coming up on a short work week (yay) because of the Thanksgiving holiday, so I’m looking forward to that!

Here's a live look at me only having two days of work this week!

Please indulge me in a quick(ish) story before I get on with the recap. This weekend, we took our daughter to a trampoline park to play (and get her energy out) and while there she made friends with another little girl. They were both playing with something and looked at each other and in an instant they were pals and walked around and bounced together for half an hour.

While I was watching them, it made me think of my time here and the people I’ve met and interacted with. Whether it’s through a reblog, comment, ask, or DM, making friends on here is akin to making friends on the playground (or trampoline park).

It is all so simple when you realize, hey you like this *insert actor, movie, character, very specific gif, etc*? Me too? Now we’re friends. Let’s yell about it! 🙂 In person, I can be reserved and shy, especially when meeting new people, so being on here has all been an exercise in pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I still get so nervous and second-guess myself a lot on here, but I’m going to keep at it because so far it’s brought some laughs, thots, and just overall great conversation to my DMs and beyond.

Ok, now onto the recap and assorted other ramblings…

Fics I read this week:

My TBR list grows and grows - I wish I had more time in the day to read more things. Here’s what I got to this week:

Frankie Morales

Six and a Half Minutes - Frankie’s version by @avastrasposts - Welp, Mel, I can honestly tell you now that when I’m cooking and have a timer on I will be thinking of this.

Javier Peña

Dry Run by @chronically-ghosted - Javi dancing …. The descriptions in this are top-notch!

Joel Miller

Medicine by @goodwithcheese - Like I said in my reblog, my brain short-circuited a bit with a mention of Joel with wet hair, but this was really a beautiful piece!

Dieter Bravo

Thrash Metal and The Bow Tie by @morallyinept I needed a cold shower after Trash Metal. I mean, the header image alone 🫠 and The Bow Tie is a little giflet featuring one of my favorite Pedro red carpet looks.

His Place of Peace by @nerdieforpedro As much as I love a smutty Dieter fic, I’m equally in love with a fluffy one (hi, yes I see Working Title staring me in the face - I haven’t forgotten you).

Benny Miller

Another week of me being absolutely out of my mind feral for this man … I had to channel it with a few one-shots and then some writing of my own.

All I Need by @dameronscopilot - Ok, this one took me on a journey and the smut was smutting on this one for sure.

Ribbed by @mermaidxatxheart - The header graphic for this alone sent me on a bit of a tailspin and then I settled in for a super hot little one-shot.

I also threw an ask over to @musings-of-a-rose and she delivered in spades.

Current Compulsory Series:

These are the series I am keeping up with at the moment.

Delta Palms Tropical Resort (Frankie) by @linzels-blog

I Like the Way You (Frankie) by @undercoverpena

Destiny & Deliverance (Dieter) by @mysterious-moonstruck-musings

Paranoid Heat (Javi P) by @goodwithcheese

It’s Never Too Late (Javi P) by @javierpena-inatacvest Still one chapter behind along with some extras I have on my TBR list!

Posts from the week:

A fun writing challenge popped up that I think is pretty cool! I’ve never written for Javi P before, but if there was ever a time, it is now! Also, check out the awesome header @trulybetty made for it!!

I got my Javi and Joel pencils from by @fuckyeahpaperco! Now there’s more - sticky notes and washi tape!! Mr. Rhoorl may be getting a few links for my Christmas list lol

I got tagged in some fun posts this week. Here’s a little get-to-know-me and an aura quiz.

Feral corner:

Where do I even start … this week was one for the record books and I’m not sure if the feral corner can capture it all.

The Strange Way of Life behind-the-scenes gifsets were almost too much. Like this one and this one. Goodness, I was an absolute mess the day these graced my dash.

It’s hard to pick a top three when it comes to Pedro characters, but this post makes a compelling point for these three.

Young Joel is always on the brain, so this post of just his arms was 🫠 Also, some Young Joel in the morning. If you’re curious about how I picture Counsin Joel in Delta Landscaping, it’s like this.

Some more assorted posts that man me feral: Tim Rockford thots, Black Shirt Javi, a compilation of Pedro boys’ kisses, and Pedro dressed as Dieter sends me. This little moment from The Bubble is just so sweet it almost cured my WT writer’s block.

Garrett Hedlund

Garrett gets his own little spot on the feral corner, because …. Well, I think this post started it all. But then a good Benny gifset always gets me. I still need to watch his new show, thanks to posts like this and this.

Things I watched:

I saw a few things this week - I rewatched Strange Way of Life and still love it. Ugh so good! I was so overwhelmed the first time I saw it, so seeing it again was helpful to pick up on the little things I missed (like Pedro’s tricep).

For a fun throwback, I watched Green Street Hooligans this week. Thank you to @laurfilijames for letting me yell about it. I forgot how much I liked that movie and how hot Charlie Hunnam was in it.

I also went to the movie theater this week to see the new Hunger Games movie. I didn’t read the book, I literally have it sitting next to my desk mocking me because I thought I’d be able to read it before the movie came out. I thought visually the movie was beautiful, but I was a bit confused by the ending. Snow is supposed to be this evil figure in the original trilogy but I didn’t find his turn to be that convincing in this prequel. But maybe it’s because I missed something? I don’t know, the ending felt rushed to me.

Personal Stuff

A month down in my health journey and I’m feeling a lot better! The Thanksgiving holiday will be a big test, but I’m trying to not beat myself up too much and just enjoy it.

I went to a concert this weekend and I had a blast! I really liked Ice Nine Kills before this, but now I’m an even bigger fan. They put on a great show (I loved how campy some of their antics were), and they sound amazing too. Plus, their lead singer isn’t bad on the eyes (again I’m feral AF).

I also finished up my Pedro 2024 desk calendar. I’ll take some pictures when it finally arrives from Shutterfly.

Fic updates:

Gave Frankie some love this week on the latest episode of Delta Landscaping! I was also distracted by Benny this week (and my thots) and put out a Part Two of Are You On Mute. I’ve taken a little writing break, but I miss my characters so I’m hoping to get some writing in this week.

Thank you as always for reading and listening to all of my rambles!

Masterlists

Working Title (Dieter, series, ongoing) | AO3

Delta Landscaping (Triple Frontier, series, ongoing) | AO3

Turbulence (Frankie, one-shot) | AO3

Are You on Mute? (Benny Miller, one-shot) | AO3

Are You on Mute? Part Two

#rhoorl week in review #rhoorl fic rec #the thots are thotting #pedro pascal fanfiction

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capinejghafa · 4 months

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NEW YEARS CLEAN-UP 🎊

rules: unburden yourself from the abandoned WIPS collecting dust in your folder and share 5 gifs, then tag five people. (tagged by @taiturner... thank you, i just realized i save a lot of my old sets and then forget but also i save random projects for no good reason lol tagging (no pressure!): @girlbutcherwife @crowley-anthony @samwwise @athousandyearstime @rachelsennot @padme-amidala

ok, so i had a bit too much nervous energy last year and posted most of the sets i wanted to make. which you would think would leave me with nothing else to post, but that's not technically true. most of these are from shadow and bone a few pre/post season, and one tua. there's no rhyme or reason. i just had a time giffing last year.... iykyk.

untitled wylan project. this was made sometime in jan/feb... i know it was before jack's casting... anyways i was watching 15 days (pls don't watch it, it's awful) and this shot was giving me wylan energy so i made it with the intention to post it after s2 premiere and then i didn't. it just felt too modern, so i dropped it.

kanej fic rec. so a few things: 1) this is my gift to @whatanybodygets <3, 2) this was supposed to be a part two of this set / kanej fic (written by alltheworldsinmyhead & Whitherward), and 3) you should read this fic.... i personally love it and it's something small i could make for a friend.

the crows header. this was supposed to be part of larger set after the cancellation, but then i got sad thinking about it and again. i did make a different set afterwards. and then i kept making more sets... so, it wasn't a loss. it's something small and quick and im still sad about sab's fate. will i ever make the set i was planning, no. i just... i want to but i'm also just not entirely sure where i was going with this.

zoyalai gif. i made a few ZN gifs for someone and then i was really sure i was gonna make a whole set based on this gif... but for some reason I didn't. and it ended up just being a fun concept for someone and i still think about making something... but i'll be the first to admit i'm not a huge fan of the ravkan gang lol i won't but it's fun to think about.

allison (greek goddess). way back in 2019, i did a hargreeves as demigods set. which was based on a post i saw... and the comments were, um... not kind, there was a bit of discourse on what character should be which. and as i mentioned this was an inspired set. so i ended up debating back and forth about how much time i wanted to put and whether or not posting it. i did really like experimenting with the pink in this. i even went ahead and got the fonts... just never went anywhere.

#tumblr2023 #tumblr memes #random #tbh i hesitate to make any [blank] as [blank] gifsets #but they are fun to make #the crows #soc #tua #mygifs15

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schrodingers-romy · 8 months

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Author's Note

Alternate title of this event: Girl (gender-neutral) I'm trying. There was no way I would be able to complete a whole kinktober in one month, but seeing other people's events made me want to join in so *jazz hands* I made this! Note I will do my best to post on time but I also might just fail so please be nice to me! I'm trying! This is just me having fun lol. Dividers + template for mdni banner from the lovely @cafekitsune, header by me.

Event Info

Each oneshot will include creature!character x reader, and all will include smut. Fics should each be around 1k-5k words. (Some may be longer.) Masterlist and dates will be included below the cut, and fics will be linked when they are posted with a star next to them. More detailed summaries/warnings will be included on individual fics. If you would like to be tagged for a certain fic/fics , shoot me an ask or a message! :)

Masterlist

✵ October 1st | Mer | Tomioka Giyuu x Reader

After a mysterious ocean creature saves you, you have the chance to help him in return.

✵ October 6th | Monster Under the Bed | Choso x Reader

The creature under your bed has been watching you for a long time...waiting...

✵ October 11th | Demon | Usagiyama Rumi x Reader

You somehow end up as the sacrifice for an incompetent cult. The demon they summon is not at all what they nor you expected.

October 16th | Ghost | Nanami Kento x Reader [DELAYED UNTIL NOVEMBER]

October 21st | Vampire | Nakime x Reader

Your new house is quite...eccentric. Strange occurances keep happening, and they might be connected to the house's old owner, a handsome man whose portrait resides in the attic.

ANNOUNCEMENT

The woman's music is so ethereal you can't help but be drawn to her. You can't believe someone human could make music so beautiful. Turns out, she's not so human after all.

October 26th | Angel | Gojo Satoru x Reader

Your guardian angel is terrifying...yet beautiful. It can't be so bad that your soul belongs to him.

October 31st | Werewolves | Uchiha Obito x Hatake Kakashi x Reader

Both you and your husband Kakashi believe Kakashi's old mate, Obito, is dead. When Obito turns up changed but alive, you realize Kakashi never fell out of love with him. It's a good thing you're falling for Obito too.

#jjk smut #kny smut #bnha smut #jjk #kny #bnha #jjk x reader #bnha x reader #kny x reader #strange lovers event

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dissociationswagcompetition · 1 year

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Why you should vote for me in the @ultimate-poll-tournament

I realized that I made a voting button, but never actually explained why you should vote for me, so here goes!

I made a fancy header and divider to really spice up my posts! I really wanted to have An Aesthetic

Characters with dissociative disorders and/or characters who experience frequent dissociation are usually demonized in media :( Which is why we're running this to push for more positive representation!!!! They're not heartless serial killers they're our friends and they're full of swag!!!

I picked a lil robot guy named Jetfire to be my sona :) He's from Transformers Animated :) He turns into a plane and lil robot guys that turn into planes are ALWAYS cool

Thanks to this poll not only myself but also an anon realized that we might be plural so boom we're making real world changes here

If it turns out I AM a part of a system, I WILL force one of my headmates to take Jetstorm (Jetfire's twin brother in the show) as their sona. And that'll be funny.

Our friends run @plural-swag-competition! ... This isn't really a reason to vote for us, we just wanted to shout them out

We got a perfect tie in round 1 and that's ALWAYS fun

My favorite character in the bracket that I was rooting for lost... and specifically lost to the character that I had nominated to be in the bracket. The irony is delicious.

I unironically used "swag" when I was in middle school and swag was at it's peak unironic usage in the Youth(tm), so blogs like me bringing back it's unironic usage is, how the cool kids say, pretty swag of us

A small fandom won it all! And that's ALWAYS nice when it's a character well-earned and not just a popularity contest!

The winner is also getting a cake! I have the ingredients I was just waiting for a day where we have the time and mental/physical energy to bake it LOL

Tl;dr Pls vote us, we have dissociation, robots, and cake

#propaganda #ultimate poll tournament #mod jetfire's turn to fight #my plurality was legit 'i have names for them but its NOT plurality haha (in denial)' for y e a r s #so I have my headmate picked out that Im trying to talk into picking a Jetstorm sona if we are a system :)#His name is Damien and I'll keep you updated if I can talk him into it or not :)#I also got CANDLES for the cake!!!

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iridescent-incubus · 3 months

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Weird to see you get a death threat? I just redownloaded tumblr after a year because I was thinking about your account and wanted to scroll through again… i never even realized what your pfp was lol

Yeah I'm getting accused of exposing myself to minors because I engaged in a serious debate using my fetish blog.

The thing is, tumblr already blocks me from posting "explicit" images, so anything you can see on my blog is something you can see on a beach. Also, I have "minors DNI" in both my header and pinned post, I mean there's a clear difference between engaging with someone's fetish blog and simply responding to a comment chain.

I suspect the real source of the outrage is that I dared to ask the feminists what exactly they're lacking in terms of gender equality. Simply asking the question "what specifically do we need to do to achieve gender equality" was met with ridicule and shame. And death wishes.

Apparently what we (*ahem*, men) should do is hang our heads in shame for being born one way and not the other and suffer for the alleged crimes of men who are all dead.

Ahhh, just as visionaries like Martin Luther King Jr. dreamed of.

"But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred."

Ah yes, I've never met a feminist who seemed bitter or hateful.

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

I don't mean to put words in the man's mouth, but he probably wouldn't have wanted his boys treated worse than his girls, either.

People are going to ridicule me as if I'm comparing the plight of African-Americans in the USA to the plight of modern men. Those people have missed the point entirely. Read his words, the words of a man who both suffered through and fought against real oppression. Would he stand behind you?

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kyouka-supremacy · 4 months

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I admire your dedication to organising and setting a new theme every month lol. How long do these usually take to plan and edit?

Thank you so much, it makes me so happy to hear you like them!! <333 In regards to the time I spend on them, I suppose it depends (but is generally too much lmao). Taking last year's batch as reference, I think the one I spent most time on is the November arcade one (which took several days to make), while the one that I fixed in less time was the June one, which apparently only took 32 minutes? (That's a record). I feel like it really varies, but usually it's no less than three hours, usually twice the time / multiple days on animated ones.

(The July Dead Apple one is an outliner– I spent more than twelve hours on it, but that's because I'm insane and filled the empty spaces with cut pieces of texture instead of painting over it with brush, which took an eternity to do (I also cleaned Chuuya and Dazai, to be fair). Honestly, my editing process in general would be much quicker for more or less the same result if only I didn't always make the most perfectionist and time consuming choices possible)

As of planning, I have a folder with themes I plan to make– it's no more than a group of pictures / panels that I saw and thought a nice theme could come out of. Around April last year, i realized I had gathered pictures to fill every remaining month of the year, so I just numbered them in my phone notes pfftt. Pictures-wise, I effectively stuck to all the ones I had set that time, but the final result post editing often came out different than what I had initially imagined (let's take the August one, for example: that was supposed to be the Akutagawa family photo alone, and not much else). This year I ended up experimenting a lot with animation, and I must admit the results were very satisfying (ㅅ´ ˘ )♡

I'm not sure I'll be able to keep going this year too; not for lack of will, but I feel like I'm just running out of pictures that give me editing inspiration ahah. Checking out the themes folder, there's six images I'd like to use (plus one already finished theme I've been dragging along for one year lmao); honestly, they all look pretty underwhelming right now, but I suppose they all do before I actually start editing them. We'll see how it goes. As I always say, when the day comes that I've finally ran out of inspiration, I'll just pick a nice ss/kk panel and stick to it (๑˃‌ᴗ˂‌)

Thank you again for your support!! And for allowing me to ramble about the process, I never get to do that ahah. Here's the process video of the Atsushi June header, one of my favourites from last year!!!

#people asks me stuff #sweet asks

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kpopfanfictrash · 10 months

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Heloo miss🤍

I want advice 🫠 been thinking for a while that I want to start writing poems or songs but I dunno how to start can you share your story how did you get into writing and what made you think to be a blogger? how did you start?

How do I start? What do I write😭

Hi, anon! Hope your day/night is going well :)

Sure, I can share my experience with writing and on this blog. I've never actually written poetry or songs (not my forte!), but hopefully something about my creative process speaks to your own. Placing a cut here!

When I was growing up, I didn't write often outside of schoolwork and journaling. The first time I sat down and tried to write my own story/book (outside of school) was after college, during my first couple years in the workforce. I've always been an avid reader and kind of entered this slump where I wasn't seeing things I wanted to read on the market. This sparked the idea of... hey, what if I wrote the thing I want to read? I started by brainstorming and drafting a few full-length novels of my own. One of these I completed and the others were just snippets and scenes (none of these have been posted to my blog, although I do still have some in the back of my mind). I kind of got into a funk with this process, feeling as though I was writing without actually progressing.

COINCIDENTALLY, this happened to be around the time I found k-pop (2015). There were a lot fewer of us in the fandoms at the time lol, and Tumblr was pretty thriving with kpop creators. I created a blog here to see what was happening and that's when I stumbled upon fanfic. I realized this might be a great way to share my writing, get feedback and figure out whether people respond to my stories. I created this blog at the end of 2016 and started posting my writing.

To be blunt, things were very slow-going and I had NO idea what I was doing lol. I mimicked things I saw other writers doing (posting small chapters, adding a read more, creating a summary/header/etc., creating a master list, doing FAQs). At first, I was similar to you and had no idea what to write. Some things I found helpful were:

Take requests (ask readers to send you messages/asks with fic ideas for you to write)

Use story prompts/prompt generators (you can either Google writing prompt generator or find posts on Tumblr and ask your followers/readers to send you prompts)

As you start writing and posting, you'll eventually get a feel for what works for you. What genres are you drawn to? What tropes resonate with your writing style? Are you better at writing dialogue or description? Do you enjoy fantasy/world-building? (as a writer, not a reader LOL it's different) Are you comfortable with and/or inspired by writing sex between characters? All of these are things to explore and discover; and the answers can change over time! I know mine have. I will always recommend pushing your boundaries and trying new things; you never know what unexpected trope you'll enjoy.

It wasn't long before I stopped feeling inspired by requests and instead, started coming up with ideas of my own. Or -- maybe you'll try writing and find it never gets easier, you don't really enjoy the process and that's also cool. You can move onto the next thing of interest! Whatever you choose, best of luck and I hope you have fun and enjoy the experience.

#asks #on writing

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biggiedraws · 1 year

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realized i never actually posted the dragon that guards my blog:

rambles under the cut lol

i originally posted this on instagram as part of a dragon-themed inktober prompt list (the prompt for this one was "gold", if it wasnt obvious lol)- i could post the rest, too, but im not really happy with most of them anymore. still trying to find a style i like and all. but im proud of this one, and its really fun as a header

should i post my pfp too? probably.... but i dont really like that one anymore either, i just havent gotten around to drawing a new one yet.

anyway. havent drawn anything new recently so heres something old! enjoy

#biggie draws #dragon #how does one tag art on tumblr #art #digital artist #fantasy

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you-are-my-neverland · 2 years

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[id: a header with a deep blue gray background. in the center, there is a circular photograph of a lighthouse. behind the photo is a monoline sun, eclipsed by the photo. in block text across the center reads ‘the metamorphosis of the lost: an update’ / end id]

it’s been a while since i’ve done one of these, but my writing has been going pretty well these past couple of weeks, so while i prepare other content (re: character intros (!!!). in 2022, i’ve managed to cobble together act iii: relapse, which was written over the course of the spring semester. i also, more recently, started act iv: revolution, and that’s going by nicely, especially as i strive to meet my daily word goals (hello, excel spreadsheet).

anyways, in honor of having a taglist with more than one person on it, i’ve decided to post a few excerpts, which i haven’t really done for this wip lol.

all words + the taglist will be under the cut for length purposes.

i. the red saint & her shadow.

(an interaction between june and india from the beginning of act iii. a/n: this was written at the beginning of the year. writing them currently, i really feel like i’m missing something from their dynamic, so i’ve been rereading this scene a lot lol.)

Belladonna was quiet, her face slightly pinched beneath the domino.

“If you didn’t have to,” she started. “Then why did you?”

“How could I not?” India said, and it sounded too honest, too vulnerable, even to her own ears, as if it was painfully obvious she was revealing some hidden part of herself to someone else. “Back then, I believed they were helping the city. When I was younger, I used to scoff at the idea of vigilantes and heroes, but after a while, after seeing it firsthand, I did become convinced that I could change things for the better for someone else. It gave me a drive for the first time in my life. Instead of just trying to survive for no particular reason, I could do something about it.”

“Yes, I was young. Fifteen. All the people I know started out younger.” She paused, thinking carefully over how to formulate her next thought. “Someone I knew used to always say that we can’t help what happened to us, or what it turns us into, but we can try and change ourselves once we see our own reflection. We can make things clearer. We can use what we see as flaws to do better. I grew up in the South District. I was an orphan. I learned how to hurt other people to protect myself. I never thought about justice because I never thought it was something I could control.”

Until now. Until then.

India hated to think that Vin had given her anything, but he had. He had given her power for the first time in her life, had allowed her to write her own destiny, decide how she wanted to do things, more so than anyone else had ever before.

It was what had blinded her, in the end. Believing that following someone else’s cause was her own. India had been beholden just as everyone else was; that was why she had been benched. She just hadn’t realized it, how trapped she actually was.

Now she was free. Now no one could tell her what to do. Now India was allowed to decide what was right and wrong and act on it.

No more changing herself. No more being told to be better, be different, be someone else, someone they thought was more than whatever she was, a South District orphan born and raised on the rocks, unable to outgrow her own edges for fear of how unprotected it would leave her. India might not love her roots, but they were hers, in the end. She had come from this city. She was Kevlan, through and through.

ii. flame & phantom

(another excerpt from act iii. emrys and mika go patrolling after finding out india is alive as the red saint, but are unable to save a woman’s life. a/n: somehow, a lot of tmotl ended up being emrys’ story, which i can’t say i mind. her pov is a lot of complicated thoughts most of the time.)

She had said she could do this. She had sounded so cool and confident, too. Emrys had been proud of herself, for being able to stand up for what she wanted. The rest of the conversation hadn’t gone as well, but she hadn’t let herself be shut down. Not this time.

Now, she thought that they probably had a point, about her. Maybe she couldn’t do this.

Maybe she could.

Maybe both thoughts were equally terrible.

“I’m going to find India,” she announced. The flames licked at the edges of the jacket, already crinkling, the outer layer peeling away as the cloth beneath caught more easily, the fire dancing up into the sky with a bright shower of sparks that had her flinching back and shielding her face. The embers fell to the ground around Mika’s feet, burning and burning and then burning out.

Mika didn’t say anything. Emrys glanced at him coolly, and found him looking away from her. Fine by her. She didn’t care if he approved or not; better he didn’t notice she was gone at all, until she could clear more space.

Emrys waited another few seconds just to be sure, ignoring the part of her that whispered that she should check on him, make sure he was okay, but this was Mika. He was never not okay. Nothing fazed him, and no one.

She sighed, staring down at her own feet, battered and bruised through the white of the ballet flats. There were drops of blood scattered along the seams, which bothered her now that she had noticed; she couldn’t stop focusing on it, the innocuous drops in no pattern except the one she conjured.

Mika still hadn’t said anything. Emrys looked at the embers of the jacket, then turned to scan the skyline, wondering where she could start, the wind whipping through her body and helping to pull her seams apart with vicious, grabby hands.

The abandoned warehouse, she thought. The place where India had died. She should start there, right? If there was going to be anything anywhere, it would be there. Maybe a clue to India’s resurrection, even.

Emrys started to walk without even really thinking about it, setting forward at a determined pace, quickening as she got further and further away from the fire, and getting colder and colder. Without her jacket, much of the skin of her body was bare to the winds, her tank top protective but not warm. Kevla had vicious winters, so the fall became crueler as the months went by.

She had turned the corner by the time she heard the footsteps behind her, not clattering or loud, but soft and steady, a quiet, rhythmic thump that belayed Mika grabbing her arm and grinding them both to a halt as he slowed, clothes and hair settling back down on his body as gravity descended.

“Let me go,” she said, white knuckled.

Mika let her go. Emrys turned to move, and he tripped her. It was only years of getting used to falling that had her catching herself with a half-dance of steps, turning so that they were facing one another.

“Enough of this,” Mika said. His eyes were burning. She could hear the quiet sounds of him breathing, harsher than normal.

“No,” she said. “I told you. I’m going to find India.”

“And Crow and X-le told us not to,” Mika said.

Emrys scoffed. “Like you’re the poster child for following orders.”

“Enough,” Mika repeated. “We’re either finishing patrol or going home.”

Another Emrys would have been happy that he used the word home, but this Emrys was feeling vicious and vengeful and torn up inside.

“I don’t want to,” she said spitefully.

“Flame,” Mika said, the warning clear.

“You’re my partner, not my boss,” Emrys said scornfully.

“I’m not either of those things,” Mika hissed, stepping closer. “I’m just the person making sure you don’t fuck anything up.”

That hurt. Emrys didn’t flinch, and was absurdly proud of herself for growing thicker skin in the time since a few hours ago. She was getting better and better at it.

“I didn’t ask you to do that!” she burst out. “You’re the one that followed me to begin with. I never asked for your help.”

“But you needed it,” Mika said, and though she couldn’t see his mouth, she could picture the small, cruel tilt of his half smile. She had to narrow her eyes to stop tears from falling, already feeling them well up in her eyes, like she was some weak and pathetic person who couldn’t keep it together.

“I’m going to look for India,” she repeated. “You can go home if you want.”

iii. sunrise after the fall gala

(an interaction between india and june in the aftermath of the fall gala (which takes up the majority of the beginning of act iv) and india’s ill thought out confrontation with the black saint. a/n: more recent writing and a more recent interaction between these two. act iv has been a mess lol.)

The laugh slid off India’s face.

“You can’t create something from nothing,” she said savagely. “I imagine that not even Catrin Flint can save someone who was burned alive.”

“Someone could,” June replied steadily.

“Then maybe it was Kevla herself,” India remarked sarcastically, rising to her feet and gritting her teeth against the spasm her leg sent.

“You’re really not curious?” June asked, also standing. The morning air nipped at her cheeks, the rosy glow of the rising sun starting to cascade over the skyline ahead of them.

India shrugged carelessly. “It’s not that I’m not,” she said. “It’s just that it doesn’t matter. Or, it didn’t.”

June eyed her, pondering the words. In a way, that was understandable. June herself tried to care as little as possible pertaining to the motive of The Organization or the Benefactor. Motivation didn’t matter in the end. It was the actions that did.

They were both women of action, though they went about it very differently.

“Will I be hearing from you soon?” India asked after a second.

June looked at her, parsing her thoughts.

India raised an eyebrow. “Last time I checked, we were kind of in on this together, right? This whole revenge scheme, or whatever you want to call it,” she hurriedly corrected after June coolly raised an eyebrow at the words “revenge scheme.”

June considered her. “Yes,” she said after a pause. “We are.”

India smiled. It transformed her face beneath the domino, softening the edges. India, June had found, often bared her teeth, but rarely smiled.

“I’m a comm away,” she said, sounding almost pleasant and energized at the prospect.

“I might take you up on that soon,” June said.

“Not gonna kiss and tell then?” India replied. “Just going to string me along.”

June surprised herself by the sharp half laugh that bubbled out of her.

“You’ve been helpful,” she said instead of replying, doubting that she could match India’s newfound wittiness. She had always had a sense of humor, even as a child. June was used to being the dour, serious one. Now she was the serrated blade, cold as steel and just as harsh. “Thank you.”

India sobered, looking at her as if she was an alien before she managed a stiff and slightly unsure, “You’re welcome.”

“Take care of yourself,” June added. “I don’t want to find you dead in a ditch before you can be useful.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” India replied sarcastically, but they had talked enough times for June to pick up the undercurrent of fondness with which she said it. “Take care, Belladonna.” She gave June a two fingered salute, and June found herself returning her impression of it before she could stop herself.

India smiled, and then she was sauntering off into the darkness, only a slight limp in her step and the helmet tucked under her arm any indication of what had gone down only hours previously.

June smiled privately to herself. India was wearing off on her.

taglist (scream to be added or removed!): @cannivalisms @sunshineomeara @thepixiediaries @muddshadow

#wip: tmotl #writing #my writing #writers on tumblr #writeblr #creative writing #writing excerpts #wip: the metamorphosis of the lost #sorry this is so long but i just couldn't cut them #act iv has like nothing i want to share so far i'll literally cry about it sigh #also: mika and emrys have a sibling relationship. before anyone asks #ik how their interactions could be taken out of context like here but they are in no way romantic #just to clear that up #i miss india and june...my girlies...#act iii was kind of good for something i wrote over like five months while studying for exams and starting work lol #and now it's just like ???#anyways thanks for taking the time to read #it has been way too long since i posted actual excerpts so i am out of practice

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coquelicoq · 3 years

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trying on outfits for my important work presentation tomorrow. dresses feel bad. menswear feels bad. my gender is I Don't Want To Be Here and my gender expression is pajamas.

#everyone talks about coming to gender realizations during quarantine blah blah #my gender realizations are the same as before except i got to forget about them for a while and now they're like knock knock guess who #actually i am having this new thing lately where even though i am cis and most people irl make the correct assumption about my pronouns #and i do like it when people irl call me the wrong pronouns because they guessed wrong (that's not new but it's very rare these days #because a) i never leave the house so who's looking at me lol and b) my hair grew out during the pandemic)#i feel like...really happy when someone who doesn't know me irl uses the correct pronouns for me on the internet?#i think because in that situation they're not going off of any aspect of my appearance (since i don't share that online)#but are just. going to the trouble to look at what i said my pronouns were in my header. and then using those #it just means they cared enough to do that and that means a lot to me suddenly #most non-mutuals on here use 'they' pronouns for me (that i've seen)#and i'm okay with that because i feel like they pronouns should just be the default for people you don't know #so it always reads to me as like...this person is being respectful and not making assumptions (which i appreciate)#but also my pronouns are right there. so it does feel really good when people use the right ones #my posts #anyway idk what i'm gonna wear. guess we'll see what feels least bad in the morning

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lizbotw · 4 years

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i have been trying to finish these chipotle chips for three days now

#text #I CANNOT EAT A SIZE LARGE #PLS #whenever i’m in the kitchen and board i just sit and scroll through my phone and eat them lmfao BUT THE BAG FEELS ENDLESS #bored*** I SWEAR I KNOW GRAMMAR I JUST- JJAJDJSJA #and smth about the flavor they have that hits me after a few bites 😳#such an EXPERIENCE #which is why it takes me so long to eat them #i also get tired of chewing i am weak #also fun fact i realized my about/rules/m. list never showed up in the tags lol #i didn’t know much abt how to fix it back then so i just never noticed #it doesn’t matter that much but i just noticed that 😔#stupid tumblr #kinda makes me wanna repost them but idk it’s also unnecessary #lmfao #update: new idea for headers 😎 stay tuned to see if i actually do them lmfao #i need to post more tho so i have more posts to fill them up w 😔#the last headers took me so long too bc i forgot how to do any form of editing so trying to figure out if i rly wanna change them 🤖#ugh wtf nevermind i give up 😭#i was gonna make a cool gif header #but i don’t know anything lmao + I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW I WANT IT TO LOOK 🤖😔#whatevs 😎😎😎

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breakablebarnes · 2 years

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hi! could i request these prompts for your party for bucky (fluff): “Did you just call me baby?” and “Why do you always wear my hoodies?”. Not sure if i can combine prompts so please just do the second first at least :) thank you!! <3

Actions Speak Louder Than Words | Bucky Barnes

pairing: roommate!bucky x female!reader

words: 1.6k

request: from follower party prompts - bucky (fluff): “Did you just call me baby?” and “Why do you always wear my hoodies?”

warnings: Minors DNI, fluff, idiots in love, minor sexual themes if you squint, shirtless Bucky, cuddling, kissing

summary: You love wearing Bucky’s hoodies, but you never considered it was an inconvenience for him.

a/n: sorry that this request took so long my dear! I haven’t been in a great headspace to write lately, so it took some time. I also apologize that this is the first thing I have posted in weeks. I also apologize that my writer’s block is showing and that this sucks lol.

header and divider credit: @maysdigitalarts

Masterlist | Ko-fi | Requests | Library

It was a typical Saturday morning.

You woke up around 9:00 a.m. and made your way out to the kitchen to make coffee and bagels. You sipped on your coffee as you scrolled through your various social medias, waiting for your bagels to pop up from the toaster. You saw that some of your friends went out last night and had posted pictures.

It was Yelena, Nat, Sam, Steve, and finally your roommate and best friend, Bucky. You smiled at the photo as you double tapped your screen making the little heart appear signaling that you liked the photo. They had asked you to go, but you declined. You had wanted to go out with everyone, but you had a late shift at work.

The toasted popped your bagel into the air and you grabbed it and some cream cheese from the fridge. As you took a bite of your bagel, you popped one in for Bucky and began to fix his mug of black coffee. You assumed he would be out of his room shortly as he always was. You began to hum the tune of your favorite song and take another bite of your bagel as you saw Bucky emerging from his room in gym shorts and no shirt.

You couldn’t help the way your eyes skimmed down his figure momentarily before finally looking up to meet his eyes. You tried to ignore the way that your mouth practically watered at the sight of him. “G’morning,” You said, pushing his bagel and coffee mug towards him across the countertop.

“Morning,” He said, but he looked distracted, like he was looking around for something.

He began moving pillows from the couch. “Looking for something, champ?” You asked, peering over your coffee mug.

“Yeah, have you seen my…” He started, but then he finally looked at you. He let out a sigh and said, “I should have known.” He gestured to your attire.

You looked down and realized exactly what he was looking for. You were wearing one of his many hoodies. This one did happen to be one of his favorites, so of course he noticed it was missing right away. You had seen it on the back of the couch last night when you came to get some water and threw it on. While it was Bucky’s favorite hoodie, it was also your favorite hoodie of his to steal borrow. Since it was his favorite, he obviously wore it a lot, and because he wore it a lot, it smelled like him. Because it smelled even more like him, you loved it even more.

You laughed and shrugged, pushing his breakfast towards him again. “I made you coffee and a bagel, though?” You offered.

He smiled at you, making his eyes crinkle at the sides, before pulling up a chair to the counter opposite of you. He took a rather large bite of his bagel, making you laugh at him. He finished chewing and finally said, “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course, Buck.” You said, leaning over the counter. “Anything.”

“Why do you always wear my hoodies?”

You almost choked on your last bite of bagel. “Uh,” You started, trying not to die because of a freaking piece of bread. “I dunno.” You shrugged.

He rolled his eyes as he sipped his coffee. “Do you just enjoy toying with me?”

Your cheeks heated as you sipped your coffee still trying to make sure you weren’t dying. “What?” You asked, finally with a clear throat. Surely, he didn’t mean that the way that your in the gutter brain was taking that.

“Do you just like making me search for them? Are they comfy? What?” He insisted, gesturing to the article of clothing adorning your figure.

You shrugged again, realizing he was not thinking dirty as you were. “It smells like you,” You sheepishly admitted as he stood up to bring his mug and plate to the sink next to you.

You gulped as he looked up and met your eyeline as he washed off his dishes. Those steel blue eyes were the bane of your existence. You were roommates. You were best friends. You shouldn’t have these thoughts. You couldn’t have these thoughts. Because there was no way he felt the same as you did.

He grinned down at you, bumping his hip to yours, once again bringing your attention to his scantily clad form. “Awe, how sweet, bunny.” He said, teasing you. He loved calling you bunny.

You bumped his hip back and scrunched your nose at him. “It just smells like home,” You clarified. “It’s calming.”

His face fell for a fraction of a second. If you blinked, you would miss it.

And you definitely missed it.

“Glad I could calm you, bunny.” He said, putting his dishes on the dish rack to dry. He turned on his heel and began to head to his room. “Do you have any plans today?”

“I plan to watch season 2 of The Home Edit on Netflix.” You said with a shrug. “Wanna join?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know what that is, but sure.”

You went to your room and grabbed your favorite blanket and brought it out to the living room to get cozy on the couch. You pulled up the show and waited for Bucky to come back from his room. You continued scrolling through social media and also texted Yelena to see what she was up to later.

A few minutes later, Bucky returned – to your surprise – still shirtless. He threw himself down on the couch next to you. “Feeling the shirtless look today, Buck?” You said, poking his abs.

He smirked, looking up to you. “Well, someone, also enjoys taking my shirts.”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help but grin. “So, you are saying you have no shirts?”

“No clean ones. Wonder where they could be.” He said dramatically as he looked around.

You grabbed a pillow from beside you and hit him in the chest. “Fine, I’ll stop since it bothers you so much.”

He chuckled, “It doesn’t bother me, baby.”

You stilled.

He stopped.

It felt like the two of you were frozen for what felt like an eternity.

“Did you just call me baby?”

“I did.” He said, not making eye contact with you.

“Why?”

“Not sure.”

“Well, there’s gotta be a reason, Bucky.”

“None that I can think of, bunny.”

“See? Why not call me bunny? Like always?”

“I don’t know, bunny.”

You stared at him from your side of the couch until he finally looked at you. Bunny was just the thing he called you. But baby felt different. It was comfortable. It was domestic.

It was different.

“Are we still going to watch the show?” Bucky said in a small voice.

“Yeah,” You whispered back before reaching for the remote and starting the show.

Some time went by. You and Bucky had watched wordlessly from your respected sides of the couch as Clea and Joanna organized the various spaces in the show. This show was usually a calming de-stressor for you, but given Bucky’s recent verbiage towards you, your mind was racing elsewhere as you overthought.

Bucky settled more into the couch, pulling your shared blanket closer into him. You also snuggled in, your head brushing against his shoulder. Suddenly, he moved his arm from the back of the couch to around your cozy form. Taking the hint, you nuzzled your head into the crook of his neck as his hand pulled you tightly to his chest.

Your eyes stayed put on the screen and you tried your best to keep your breathing even. The two of you had cuddled on this very couch many times but given your hidden feelings and what Bucky just called you, it had your head dizzy.

Bucky’s metal thumb was rubbing circles into your hip. Despite the cool metal, your skin felt warm. It was like he could sense your unease, though you hoped that he couldn’t.

You began to rub your thumb over his ribcage where you hand was draped over him. The episode you were currently watching suddenly seemed so boring compared to the way Bucky’s skin felt against yours as he breathed in and out. His thumb continued his movements on your hip, going slightly under where the hem of his hoodie sat.

“Bunny,” He whispered, making you look up to him, brushing your nose against his.

Before you can answer, his lips are gently brushing against your own. Your heart felt like it was in your ears. Though you are very surprised, you comply immediately. Your movements with your thumb halt as you grip his side to bring him closer to you. His hand travels up your waist, bringing you as close to him as possible. His lips moved against yours in a way that said something that he could not transpire into words.

He wanted to before when he called you baby. But this was better.

Your hand traveled to the back of his neck as the kiss became more passionate. You kissed until you were sure one of you was going to pass out soon. Bucky was the one to pull away first, each of you panting.

“What the hell was that?” You whispered.

“Something that I’ve been meaning to say,” He whispered back against your lips.

“Anything else you need to say?” You asked, perking up your eyebrow.

“Tons,” He said, with a smirk on his face that you just wanted to kiss off. Bucky leaned in and brought his lips to yours once again, the show in the background long forgotten.

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book-boys-are-my-guilty-pleasure · 3 years

Text

A Stark and her Soldier ~ Part 1

Imagine: Reuniting with Bucky when you end up helping Sam with the Flag Smashers.

Warnings: TFATWS SPOILERS! This takes place during the first two episodes of the show.

A/N: I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’M BACK (with a new header lol)!!! AHHHHHHHH! It’s been nearly two years but here I am… posting this makes me SO nervous, so feedback would be highly appreciated! More parts and some information about what I’m planning with this blog to follow soon!

“You held us together – do it for them,” he paused before adding, “Promise me you’ll do it for them.”

You blinked away the tears, knowing what was coming, “I can’t promise that...”

“Y/N please,” the way he begged you with that shaking voice was nearly enough to push you over the edge.

“I-I promise.” He squeezed your hand before letting you leave.

“You’ve reached James Barnes, sorry I couldn’t take your call, please –” you hung up before the recorded message could continue, face burning with frustration. This was the 9th time you had tried calling him this week, not to mention the countless text messages.

You scoffed thinking of Steve’s last words to you, how were you supposed to hold them together when you barely held yourself together on a good day? It doesn’t make it any easier when the person you’re supposed to be holding together is so keen on letting himself fall apart.

Every time you tried calling him, you ended up feeling furious, miserable, or like an absolute failure – usually all three. You promised Steve, you promised, and you failed. You groaned and chucked your phone across your bed.

The last time you had seen him, Steve had still been around, and you hadn’t even spoken to him since Tony’s funeral.

You and Pepper had walked to the lake, each holding one of Morgan’s hands, and you had sat at the dock watching the arc reactor – his heart – float away, the people behind you forgotten in your grief. The weight on your heart was unbelievable, you had already lost your best friend, Natasha, and now your brother was gone.

You promised him that you wouldn’t cry at his funeral – he always knew it was inevitable – and so you sat there, sending him away with a pained smile.

You had no idea how long you had just sat there, staring at the horizon across the lake, trying to make this last moment with your brother last forever.

“Y/N?” You felt a hand squeezing your shoulder, “You should come back inside.”

“What happens now, Steve?” Your voice was softer than he had ever heard before.

“I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out together,” he paused for a moment before gesturing to Bucky, waiting outside the house behind him, “He wants to talk to you.”

You gave Bucky a small smile, “Hey.”

He walked over and dropped down next to you, Steve leaving the two of you to chat, “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” You nodded solemnly.

He added, “For everything, Y/N… he probably wouldn’t even have wanted me here, but –”

You shook your head and took his hand, heart fluttering at the contact. You had always been attracted to him, and it had only grown with every interaction. “That wasn’t you.”

You knew your brother never blamed Bucky, you all knew how it felt to have people mess with your heads and Bucky had had the worst of it. He was furious at Steve for years, but never at Bucky – you could never bring yourself to be angry with either of them, not after the stories you grew up with. Your father had adored the soldiers and you had been one of their biggest fans, and later one of Steve’s closest friends.

There had come a point after the battle between Tony and Steve when you had become sick of all the back and forth. You were lucky enough to find an escape when T’Challa got in touch with you, offering you a chance to come to Wakanda and learn about their technology – you weren’t ashamed to admit that you were the one who contacted him to beg for it. You hadn’t known that Bucky was already there. Slowly but surely, the two of you found comfort in one another and became good friends.

He gave you a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, “You should head inside, it’s getting late – I’ll see you again soon.”

He stayed true to that statement, the two of you stood with Sam and Bruce, waiting for Steve to come back after returning the stones – only to have him shatter your hearts.

You only saw Bucky in passing after that, occasionally visiting Steve at the same time – you never said a word to him, beyond a smile or a wave, and then you stopped seeing him all together. You tried, for the sake of your promise to Steve, but he never answered your calls or texts.

“We’ll figure it out together, right, thanks a lot Steve,” You muttered.

You jumped at the sound of your phone ringing, and your shoulders sank a bit when you saw Sam’s name flashing across the screen, “Hey.”

“He’s doing an interview,” You knew exactly who Sam was talking about, “Good Morning America.”

Your stomach turned, “That’s the last thing I want to see.”

“I know, I just thought I’d share my joy with someone,” Sam chuckled, “Any luck with Bucky?”

“I’m just wasting my time at this point,” You could feel the tears returning to your eyes as you said it.

“Hey, come on now, he’ll come around, he just needs some time.”

“Right…”

“Listen, I called because we have a lead, wanna join?”

“Please.”

“I hate it, his stupid face plastered on every wall, it feels like he’s mocking us.”

“Don’t you start, Y/N.”

“Seriously Sam, I get that he’s the new Cap – the fake Cap, but don’t you think that this,” You gestured to the posters around you, “is excessive?”

“It-”

“Shouldn’t have given up the shield.” Your heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice and your face heated up with anger, you hadn’t realized it was possible to feel such contrasting emotions at the same time, but here you were. You noted that his voice was a bit hoarse and wondered if he had been sick.

“Good to see you too, Buck.”

“This is wrong.”

“So is pushing away everyone who cares about you.” He finally looked at you and you saw shame glistening in those steel blue eyes.

He said nothing before turning back to Sam, “You didn’t know that was gonna happen?”

Wow, ignoring your calls was one thing, but outright ignoring you while you stood in front of him, that caused a different kind of hurt.

You stood in silence as Sam explained where the two of you were headed, trying to push away the pounding in your head, and suddenly, you found yourself in a jet sitting next to Bucky.

“You could have answered, even once. Could’ve at least let me know that you were still alive.”

“I know,” Was all he said.

“We were friends once,” Nothing, “and I still care for you.”

“I know.”

“Four months, a full four months and I didn’t hear a single word from you, I’m going to need more than ‘I know’.”

He sighed, “I’m sorry.”

You could tell that he meant it and didn’t know what more to say, so you got up and headed towards the open door of the plane, “I’ll catch you boys on the ground.”

You watched Sam follow, and considered helping Bucky as he fell through the trees, but you decided against it. He hurt your feelings and now you could call it even.

Super soldiers? How on earth were there more super soldiers?! You didn’t have much time to ponder on the thought as you got kicked in the face by one of them and fell off the semi – definitely should have let Tony make you a helmet like he insisted.

You flew back up only to see him dropping out of a helicopter, Fake Cap, fuck.

“Looks like you guys could use some help,” Your blood boiled at the sight of his cocky grin.

You weren’t winning, and you weren’t stupid enough to continue trying, let Steve’s knock-off take care of it.

You flew off just in time to see Bucky lying on top of Sam, the latter groaned in displeasure.

“Hey, can you gentlemen save the PDA for later?” You joked, earning a glare from both of them.

With the adrenaline slowly draining from your system, the pain from the blows you took started to set in, making you dread the trek in front of you. As if on cue, you heard a horn honking and Fake Cap pulled up next to you, “It’s 20 miles to the airport, you guys need a ride.”

“I think we’re good,” You simply stated.

“You won’t make it with that limp.”

You gave him a crude smile, “I’d rather crawl.”

They stopped and opened the door, you exchanged a look with Sam and Bucky, silently deciding to join them.

You sat between Bucky and Sam, and felt the anger and disgust radiating off of both of them with every word that was exchanged.

“Y/N Stark,” You despised the way he said your last name, like he wanted to devour you, “You are one of the original seven, I trust you know the importance of having a strong team. I’d suggest giving a word or two of advice to your friends here.”

“Did you really just compare being on a team with you two, to being on a team with the Avengers?” You glowered at him, “A word of advice Walker, you’re not Steve, you might be holding that shield, but you will never be half the Captain America that he was. So quit fucking pretending.”

“I didn’t realize Stark’s sister had such a mouth on her,” He smirked, he knew exactly what he was doing and as much as you hated to admit it, it was working, “Vicious.”

“Go to hell.”

The ride didn’t last very long after that, and you had no complaints when Bucky demanded them to stop the car.

You opened your eyes and rolled over to see Sam still asleep on the seats across from you, and Bucky was sitting on the large crate in the middle of the jet, “Not tired?”

“Nah,” He shook his head.

You pushed yourself to your feet and hopped up next to him, “You’d think they’d make those seats a bit more comfortable considering the amount of time we spend on these things.”

He chuckled and the two of you fell into a comfortable silence. After a considerable pause he turned to you, “Y/N, I meant what I said earlier, I’m sorry.”

The dark bags under his eyes were a stark contrast from the beautiful blue that you were looking into, which you noted which had lost its luster. You noticed that his voice still had a bit of that hoarseness from earlier in the day, and the dots connected. You remembered how hoarse your voice used to get when you’d wake up screaming from the nightmares after particularly rough missions. You understood why he was awake, he didn’t want you and Sam to see him like that.

You nodded, “I know, I just wish – I was worried sick about you. I know it hasn’t been easy for you Buck, but we were good friends once and I miss you.”

“I wanted to call, it’s just been tough,” He admitted, and you reached over to take his hand, only to quickly pull away as Sam woke up.

“You two okay?”

“Yeah,” You both said. You wondered if Bucky’s super soldier ability allowed him to hear the way your heartbeat picked up from that brief touch.

Your mind was racing a million miles a minute, you had barely kept the tears in listening to Isaiah’s story, both out of anger and sadness. How? How did this happen? How was this man tortured, then brushed under the rug? How did no one know about it? Why the hell did Bucky keep this from you?

Sam mirrored your pained expression, but something darker lurked beneath his eyes, you couldn’t even imagine the rage he felt. The sound of a police siren pulled you out of your thoughts.

Your anger only grew at the argument that ensued, “I am calm, what do you want? We’re just standing here talking.”

“Just give him your ID,” You glared at Bucky as the words left his mouth.

“Why the hell should he? He didn’t do anything wrong!” You growled, at the same time Sam said, “I’m not giving him shit, we were just talking.”

“Hey, hey, look, is this guy bothering you?” The officer asked you and Bucky. Your eyes widened, he can’t be serious right now.

“No, he’s not bothering us, do you know who this is?!”

You couldn’t even stand to look at the guy as his jaw dropped in shock upon realizing who Sam was, you felt your body shake with anger, and you didn’t even want to think what would have happened if Sam hadn’t been an Avenger.

The officer returned from his vehicle and turned the tables, announcing that there was a warrant out for Bucky’s arrest.

Watching him being handcuffed and put into the car shattered your heart, if the events of the day hadn’t already left you feeling nauseous, you knew this would be the nail in the coffin. All you could see was Bucky on his knees with a gun to his head nearly seven year ago when Steve barely prevented T’Challa from killing him and the four of you had been arrested – Tony had been furious with you, but it was the shame in Bucky’s eyes that had hurt you the most, and here you were, witnessing it again.

You reached over a grabbed Sam’s hand and squeezed as hard as you could, desperate for a lifeline to keep you from sinking into those painful memories.

You maintained that same grip on the poor man’s hand as you sat at the police station waiting for Bucky to be bailed out, “Sam, Y/N, I’ve heard a lot about you two, I’m Dr. Raynor, I’m James’ therapist.”

The two of you shook her hand and Sam thanked her for getting Bucky out.

“That was not me –”

“Christina!” You’d recognize that voice anywhere from the way it made your skin crawl, fuck, “Good to see you again.”

You clenched your jaw to keep yourself from punching the stupid grin off of his face as he pointed to himself when Dr. Raynor asked him who authorized Bucky’s release. You knew you had a problem with constantly wanting to punch people in the face, it was a trait that ran in the family, but Walker’s face was definitely one of the most punchable ones you had seen – a good ol’ pop in the jaw wouldn’t hurt, right? Just one?

“He’s too valuable of an asset to have him tied up –”

That was it, that was all you were willing to hear, you couldn’t stop yourself from getting in his face and hissing, “Call him that again, and I swear to god Walker, I –”

Sam put his arm around you, hand pressed to your stomach and pulled you back, “Y/N.”

Walker simply smirked and turned back to Raynor, “Do what you have to do and send him off to me. Got some unfinished business, him and I, you too Wilson, and bring your guard dog with you.”

It took everything in your power to keep from snarling at him.

“James, condition of your release, session now,” The doctor ordered, “You two as well.”

“I’m good, I’ve been to enough therapy,” You shook your head, at the same time Sam said, “That’s okay, I’ll be out here with –”

“That wasn’t a request,” You couldn’t help but chuckle, and decided that you liked this woman.

You and Sam sat on either side of Bucky, facing Dr. Raynor as she got started. You couldn’t help but notice the way Bucky’s eyes shifted and jaw clenched as Sam tried to weasel his way out of the session, and your chest tightened. He looked so tired, and not just the ‘hasn’t slept in a few days’ tired, but more like he was tired of trying – he looked broken.

You decided in that moment that you would try, and not just for Steve, but for the man next to you who had held a piece of your heart before he even knew you, and managed steal that piece away when you had met him years later.

You realized how hard you’d have try when Bucky answered Dr. Raynor’s question with, “In my miracle, he would talk less.”

“Exactly what I was gonna say, isn’t that ironic?” You sighed, so hard.

She turned to you, mimicking the expression on your face, “Y/N, can I trust you to give me a proper answer?”

Try, Y/N, try. You saw a glimmer of hope in Raynor’s eyes as they met yours, but you simply shrugged and looked away, unable to bring yourself to open up, and she let her shoulders fall slightly.

“You guys are leaving me with no choice. It’s time for the soul-gazing exercise. Y/N, you can sit this one out, you get along with both of them well enough.”

You rolled your eyes at the reactions from the boys, this’ll be good. You couldn’t help but chuckle as they got closer to one another, maybe I should have taken part in this exercise. They made eye contact and continued to hold it, you realized what they were doing moments before the doctor did and let out a genuine laugh – earning a glare from Raynor, don’t encourage them she seemed to say.

“James, why does Sam aggravate you? And don’t say something childish.” Your head filled with a hundred different ideas about what stupid things Bucky would come up with, only to have them fizzle away at his cheeky grin towards the doctor, followed by the lick of his lip. It left your throat dry. Snap out of it, Y/N, what’s gotten into you?

He paused for a moment, his expression changing, and turned back to Sam, “Why’d you give of that shield?”

You held your breath, you knew this was going to come up, but weren’t expecting it here. You couldn’t take your eyes off of Bucky, noticing every change in his face, it becoming more pained with every word that left his mouth, and your chest tightening alongside it, until finally, “So maybe he was wrong about you. And if he was wrong about you, then he was wrong about me.”

The break in his voice cracked your heart into a million pieces. You looked up, trying to keep the tears swimming in your eyes from falling. You turned your attention towards Sam and noticed the emotion behind his glassy eyes – it was different than anything you had seen in him before, it was almost as though you could see the burden he was carrying on his shoulders, the pressure that was pushing him in every direction.

I have to fix this, you told yourself, you couldn’t stand to see them like this, I have to try.

Your mind was roaring with thoughts, you hadn’t even noticed that Sam and Bucky had left until Raynor asked, “What would be in your miracle, Y/N?”

You snapped your head towards her, then to the door, you weighed your options and headed towards the latter. You grabbed the handle and stopped, without turning towards her you whispered, “I’d find a home again, and they’d find some happiness.”

You pulled the door open, “Y/N, I don’t think those two things have to be separate.”

Her words swam in your head until you found Bucky and Sam walking outside, Walker and Hoskins storming off in the other direction.

“What’s that all about?”

“Walker being Walker,” Sam shrugged.

“So, what now?”

“Bucky wants to talk to Zemo,” Every memory that you spent years trying to forget came flooding back: Zemo using those words to turn Bucky into the Winter Soldier, who then proceeded to trash the compound and nearly kill you and your friends; watching your family fight each other at the airport and being forced to pick a side; watching the footage of your parents dying; desperately begging your brother and the man who had become your brother not to kill one another.

“You what?!” You gasped.

“Y/N –”

You stepped between the two of them, close enough to Bucky that you had to tilt your head up to look into his eyes, and whispered, “Bucky, no.”

“This might be our only lead, Y/N,” You stared up at him, silently pleading him, he reflected the same in his own, “Please Y/N.”

He took your hand and you instantly melted, “I – fine, but promise me you will be careful.”

“I promise.”

End.

Read Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 and Part 6

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