#like seriously FUCK this class FUCK math and FUCK being forced to take generals

[queercatboyrights]

nothing in this world makes me feel more physically violent than being forced to take a stupid fucking generals math course

#nebbles talks #i fucking HATE that they force you to take math courses for a fucking ART degree #like i will literally never ever need to calculate fucking APY by hand to make graphic novels #and the worst part of ALL this bullshit is that the homework is on an online website mandated by the school #so literally even if you are one decimal place off your answer is fucking wrong #its SO fucking annoying to be fiven a stupid little message that says 'Oh! this is wrong. do it again' #and then you spend 30 fucking minutes trying to figure out what the fuck you did wrong #and literally the only thing you did wrong was round the decimal to .03 instead of .02 #its so fucking frustrating and an absolute waste of my fucking time #im literally doing all the right work and following the formulas and examples step by step #and bc ONE literally ONE FUCKING DECIMAL OR DIGIT doesn’t fit the computers fucking answer its wrong #like seriously FUCK this class FUCK math and FUCK being forced to take generals #im paying thousands of dollars for a specialized education for my future career in illustration #why the FUCK do i have to pay even more money for classes and skills ill never fucking use in my career #literally fucking livid about this i want to bite someone

[kariachi]

Thought of the Morning: Just how high is the dragon death rate during a Pass?

Okay, follow me here, we can probably assume an average clutch size of around 30 given the numbers we’re given, or at least what I can find without trawling the books you can’t make me. So, average clutch size of 30 eggs, per gold, we’re going to be nice and say per year rather than twice a year which I believe is implied in at least one book.

Benden has space for five goldpairs, and 500 general riderpairs, with about half that number apparently required to fly Fall successfully (about 270 riderpairs, specifically, apparently (I don’t suggest getting the Atlas of Pern because it’s expensive but if you can pirate that shit do, the information is sourced quite well)). So, traditionally, Benden would be replacing their fighting force...

Every two years.

They’d have been replacing the entire riderpair population of the mountain every three.

So again we’re reminded that math was not Anne’s strong suit, but since this is what we’ve got we’ve got to fiddle with it. Because that is not sustainable. Even with just the three goldpairs allowed under Ramoth’s rule, you’re replacing the whole of the population every five and a half years. Yes, the books say they’re dealing with overpopulation issues, but this is taking it a bit far. Benden would have to have a damn near 20% death rate just to break even, and I feel like ‘we’re losing 20% of our riderpairs each year’ is something that would come up.

And before anybody says ‘well they have the other Weyrs to send riderpairs too’, the other Weyrs would be dealing with the same shit.

So, since it is part of my life’s mission to apply some logic and sense to this setting, with a sledgehammer if I have to, applying some sense.

To make this shit sustainable either being a riderpair during a Pass has to be all but a death sentence in and of itself (every year one in five-) or those reproduction numbers need to plummet. Just stopping blooding the golds once you’ve got a full Weyr would seriously help. Letting them gorge would likely bring them down to Nemorth numbers of a dozen to mid-teens, easily halving or more the size of incoming weyrling classes. Still not perfect, but allowing more wiggleroom for people to not all die all the time. We also know you can ground Chasers from flights, so having more flights where the gold is just, left to wear herself out? Probably a good idea when the populations are high. And that’s assuming they can’t just get some fucking birth control for the golds worked out, which would logically have been a priority given there is no way in fuck that- with enough weyrlings each year to form nearly five full Wings, or about 55% of the Wings required to fly Fall- overpopulation hasn’t been an issue ever since they stopped making new Weyrs in the North.

Either that or, as said before, a lot more fuckers are dying in Fall than we are led to believe. A whole fucking lot.

#thinky thoughts

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

bullseye, m | jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

summary: Are you the insufferable, cocky, absolutely-no-good-for-anyone female equivalent of a fuckboy? Maybe. Okay, yeah. But guess who decided to come along and interrupt your conquests? Jeon Jungkook. What now? Complain to your best friend Kim Taehyung all day or fucking do something about it?

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; alcohol consumption; Taehyung getting shitfaced lol; you're a cocky asshole and so is Jungkook, welp; schemes; smut (fem reader, making out / dry humping in public, cowgirl, m-masturbation, edging / orgasm denial, penetrative sex, so much kissing); non-idol!BTS; (secretly pining) fuckboy!Jungkook x bisexual, fuckgirl!reader; ft artist, best friend!Taehyung; mostly reader's POV with a short JK's POV

yes, it's purple-haired Butter JK

--

now playing – 마.피.아. in the morning by itzy

“Are you kidding me? Fucking Jeon Jungkook, again?”

“You need to calm down,” Kim Taehyung said, patting your shoulder and handing you a mojito.

“What I need is a fucking bow and arrow to shoot down this fucking pest!”

“I know you were the archery champion in high school, but that’s still a weird thing to think,” replied that baritone voice, pushing you into a chair so he could sit down as well, observing you violently chugging down the entire mojito in your rage. He seemed highly amused, looking a bit like a young French socialite in a black beret, loose tan dress shirt, and black slacks with black loafers. Gold accents because Kim Taehyung was that bitch. “Never ceases to impress me that you can do that.”

You pulled the glass from your lips, ice and mint clinking. “This is the third girl I’ve been dating that he’s just–” You flapped a hand in the general direction of the crowd at the bar, completely ignoring Taehyung’s comment about your record-breaking skills of draining cocktails. “–unashamedly making out with when clearly I’m right here.”

Taehyung rolled his eyes, far too crass for how drop-dead handsome he was, but it seemed that he didn’t care. “I doubt he knows you’re here or that you’re dating them. And to make it fair on him, you were casually dating them all at once, so technically, no one is at fault here,” he added.

You narrowed your eyes. “I wasn’t–”

Taehyung gave you this look.

The look of ‘shut-up-you-know-I’m-right’.

Being your best friend, he had a right to do that.

“Shouldn’t you be mad at the girl anyway? Being faithful and all that, which, by the way, you are not.”

“Dating is not the same as being in a relationship,” you argued.

“Mmm, so fucking them is not indicative enough that you should be less of a fuckboy.”

“I’m not a fuckboy,” you muttered. “I’m a woman.”

Taehyung raised an eyebrow. “The general term still stands because you’re a class-A asshole.”

You closed your eyes and sucked in a deep breath, trying not to bolt home and buy a bow and arrow online to shoot, not Jeon Jungkook, but Kim Taehyung, because he was testing your last nerve with the truth.

“Again, why are you not mad at them?” Taehyung reoriented the conversation with a sweep of his arm when you opened your eyes, prompting your gaze to shift and witness Jeon Jungkook with his tongue down a pretty girl’s throat. This cheeky bastard was even wearing a leather jacket and white shirt, just like you. The only difference was that you wore a leather miniskirt and he wore black jeans with rips in the thighs, but both of you were wearing heeled black moto-style boots.

“Because he’s the denominator in this equation,” you snapped, smacking your glass on the table.

“Please do not make math references. My brain is not made for that.”

“Fractions? Tae, seriously, are you defective or–”

“Maybe he’s doing it to piss you off.”

“Well, I am pissed off!”

The bar was very loud with music and noise. Your shout was still clearly heard. Neither you or Taehyung seemed to care that people turned to look at you two and shake their heads.

Taehyung shrugged. “Then he succeeded.”

You clicked your tongue. “Why, though? I didn’t do anything to him. He just started popping up stealing my girls. What if I switch back to chasing dick and he takes them too?”

Taehyung snorted. “I doubt it. You’re just continuing on this train because you’re stubborn.”

As usual, he saw right through you.

He raised an elegant hand and tapped his lips. “Maybe he likes you.”

You gave Taehyung the most disbelieving, fiery, indignant look that you had ever produced in your life.

“Or, he doesn’t,” he hastily corrected. “Let’s face it, sometimes I don’t even like you and I would murder for your dumb ass.”

You tapped the melting glass of icy mint onto the tabletop.

Menacingly.

“If you think about it,” Taehyung began tentatively, scooting his chair slightly away from you with your flaming eyes boring holes in the back of Jeon Jungkook’s head. His hair was dark violet now so you could spot him easily, pinning your (not yours, but you know, that was your prey at one point) girl against the back wall of the bar. “He always goes after your target. He wants you to notice something.”

You watched a YouTube video once about making your own bow and arrow. It didn’t seem that difficult, all things considered. Sharpening a long stick with a knife and–

“Stop thinking about murder.”

You jerked your head back to Taehyung and his honey-brown curls framing his amused expression. You glared in response.

“I’ve never interacted with him a day in my life,” you frowned, abandoning your homicidal tendencies for the moment. “What does he want me to notice?”

Taehyung gave you a pained look. You returned with a black stare. Then he sighed and shook his head.

“He’s a fuckboy. You’re the female equivalent of a fuckboy. What do you think he wants?”

“My body count?”

Taehyung slapped his own face, muttering under his breath. “… be part of your body count.”

“Sorry, what?” You raised your voice over the bass. “Can’t hear you over the music.”

He raised his head. “I don’t know. Fight him. See what happens.”

“I’m not gonna win a fistfight.”

Taehyung looked ready to fistfight you.

You stood up, dragging him by the arm. “Come on, wingman. I need another drink. I’ll buy, since you got me the last one.”

Taehyung laughed, loud and full, yanking his arm out of your grip and clapping a hand around your shoulders, pulling you to him so your body knocked into him. You grimaced, now forced to walk side by side with him, not seeing the looks shared between the patrons witnessing you two together.

“Now we’re talking. I wanna get trashed.”

“Cure for a broken heart, am I right?”

“Mine’s shattered,” Taehyung chuckled, rubbing the left side of his chest playfully, but you couldn’t help but notice the hurt in his eyes. It was his idea to go out tonight and assist you with getting laid but, one, you didn’t need assistance and, two, he had recently broken up. It was pretty obvious he just wanted you to buy him drinks and have an excuse to do something.

Which was fine with you, until Jeon Jungkook showed up holding your previous eye candy.

Hmph.

Whatever, you had a Taehyung to nurse back to health with an obscene amount of alcohol.

-

Two hours later, you were standing in the men’s bathroom, holding Taehyung’s beret with one hand and his hair in the other as he vomited loudly into the toilet.

“Sup.”

The guy looked in the stall and then looked at you.

“You’re not supposed to be here…”

You raised an eyebrow. “You wanna hold his hair?”

The guy slunk away at your dismissive tone.

Taehyung tapped your thigh and you patted him on the head soothingly. He flushed and coughed.

"S... sorry," he croaked wetly.

You chuckled. "Wash your mouth, ya nasty."

He got up and you straightened his clothes in an almost maternal fashion.

"Need water, I think..." he winced, stumbling past you to the counter. You followed him to make sure he didn't hurl in the fucking sink.

"I'll be right back. Don't do anything crazy."

"Heh, that’s you," he slurred as he put his hands under the tap to wash up.

You plopped his beret on your head and sauntered out of the men's bathroom, unbothered by the stares and the people trying to catch your eye. It took you no time at all to waltz to the counter and obtain the water, striding back to the men's bathroom with the tall glass.

Only to run into you-know-who.

The girl sputtered your name in surprise as if she hadn't met you in this very bar a couple of weeks ago.

You completely ignored her existence, narrowing your eyes at the smirking face of Jeon Jungkook.

There was no denying his attractiveness. His purple hair was a little messy now, curling around his high cheekbones and large brown eyes. The dim light of the bar cast strange shadows over his chiseled jaw and shapely lips, curved into a devilish grin. He had a mole and red lipstick residue underneath his lower lip.

You had a strong urge to douse him and his leather jacket with your giant glass of water.

Taehyung was the one who found out Jungkook's name for you. You sent him on the mission after the first time this little shit started meddling in your business.

At this moment, you remembered that.

You pointedly looked away, walking past Jungkook, knocking into his arm forcefully and on purpose, annoyed that he seemed pretty strong under that jacket, muscular and lean. Whatever. You had a large bear cub named Kim Taehyung to take care of. You didn't have time to waste on Jeon Jungkook.

"Hey."

You stiffened at the deep, silvery voice. Of course. He had to have a sexy voice too. Bitch.

"You should apologize."

Your eyes flickered to the glass of water. It was pretty cold in your hand. You raised your chin back up, facing towards the bathrooms.

The choice was easy.

You continued waking and raised your free hand to flip Jeon Jungkook the bird, off to deliver the water to your best friend.

Some guy at the urinal screamed as you entered the men's bathroom but you completely ignored him, only focusing on Taehyung, who was gripping the corner of the sink, turning not to pass out, pallid face dripping and looking green.

"Drink this and I'll take you home."

-

"Ugh, thanks for the other day... sorry I wasn't the best wingman... I ended up making you exorcize my demons instead..."

You laughed, jabbing a toothpick in the steaming fried chicken. You and Kim Taehyung again, hanging out in the afternoon at the local chicken spot.

"It's cool. I know you needed it."

Taehyung frowned. "If you knew, why did you play along?"

You shrugged. "You would've done the same for me."

He smiled and popped a piece of crispy chicken in his mouth. "Yeah, if you ever had a serious relationship for once."

You glared. "This is a non-judgment zone. Shut up."

He chuckled. Then he leaned in and you grimaced, catching a whiff of his chicken breath. He was wearing a pinstriped shirt and neglected to button the first two because he was too hot to bother with some stupid buttons. You weren't going to say you could relate, but you were wearing a loose black sweater dress that was bordering on flashing your panties, so, maybe.

"I heard from a little birdie that you had a run-in with the bane of your existence."

You raised an eyebrow. "The tax man?"

Taehyung rolled his eyes. "No, the other one."

Now it was your turn to roll yours. "Oh, right. The Dark Lord."

Taehyung gave you a weird look. "Is that a movie reference or..."

"Harry Potter, ever heard of it?"

"You're such a nerd."

"That's not... anyway, so what?"

He wiggled his eyebrows. "He spoke to you."

You narrowed your eyes. "Where do you get your information?"

He fidgeted. "Uh... a reliable source that chooses to remain anonymous."

Your eyes became slits. "Who."

Taehyung stick his tongue out at you. "The whole point of anonymous is you not knowing!"

"Who are you, fucking Rita Skeeter–"

"Stop with the weird references!"

"For fuck's sake," you hissed, causing a mother sitting at a table near yours to chastise you, covering their kid’s ears. You frowned, lowering your voice. "Alright so what? He opened his mouth; nothing original came out." You jabbed another piece of chicken.

"Well? Feel any tension? Sweet romance? Unbridled fury?" Taehyung piped, greatly interested in your two-second interaction with Jeon Jungkook.

You chewed, huffing. "I had a big kid to take care of. I didn't give a shit."

"Hey, I'm not a kid!" he shot back.

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, you’re more important to me than poking his pretty eyeballs out of his head, so I didn't even reply."

Taehyung paused, mid-chew. "Really?"

"Yes, I didn't say–"

"No, that I'm important to you."

Taehyung was doing that thing where his big brown eyes went all sparkly and sentimental. It was making you uncomfortable. Bad with feelings and all that. The only reason you tolerated it was because Taehyung had been like this ever since he was that dorky weird kid you defended from bullies in elementary school. A folding chair was involved and you might have watched too many WWE TLC (tables, ladders, chairs) matches as a kid, but hey, those bullies didn’t bother Taehyung ever again, did they?

You got sent to detention for the rest of the year and anger management counseling appointments, but Taehyung remained your friend throughout the whole ordeal and for years to come, tolerating your poor life choices so… worth?

You reached over and shut his open mouth. "Of course, you are, that's why I'm not calling you a disgusting pig for chewing with your mouth open."

"Oi, that's bullying!"

"You bully me all the time," you snorted and the same mom made a noise of distaste that you pretended not to hear. "Like now you keep bringing up the spawn of Satan."

"You're also the spawn of Satan, by the way."

"Yeah, and you're my guardian angel and he ain't got shit, so I’ve already won this war."

Taehyung laughed nervously.

"Er, yes... totally..."

-

Another day, another conquest.

Well, you had to find the prey first, but that wasn’t going to be hard.

“You’re a chronic asshole.”

“Thanks, Tae. You sure you don’t wanna come?”

He rolled his eyes at you as you shrugged on one of his black dress shirts. You checked the tag. Silk. Damn. Kim Taehyung was a fancy bitch. He leaned against the closet doorframe as you fitted your black leather corset-style belt at your waist to cinch it in. You often raided Taehyung’s closet and paired it with your accessories. Did he enjoy your fucking in his clothes? Probably not, but you always returned them cleaned in the proper way, so he couldn’t complain.

He did anyway.

“No, I don’t. Let me sulk.”

“Ah, yes, moody starving artist, I’ll let you be,” you snickered, slinging the waist bag over your shoulder, wearing it across your chest instead of your hips. You lightly punched him in the arm and he pretended to topple over exaggeratedly. “You going to paint today?”

He shrugged. “I think. Dunno what media I want to use.”

“Just use a bunch of different ones. Your mixed media stuff is amazing,” you replied, waltzing out of his bedroom, past his messy studio with a blank canvas balanced on a wooden easel in the center of absolute chaos of paints. You helped him organize them once, but Taehyung often was too in the zone to pay attention to neatness.

“When’s the exhibit? I want to drop by,” you commented, seeing the line of his works safely wrapped up, leaning against the wall.

“Um… next week, Thursday through Sunday,” Taehyung replied sheepishly, cheeks flaring red at the mention of his own art exhibit. He was humble even though he was talented. “I’ll text you the address. Don’t show up looking like a high-paid escort.”

You tucked your feet into your heels and raised an eyebrow.

Silk black men’s shirt worn as a dress, belted at the waist to show off your curves, bare legs out, toned calves standing out due to your sleek black high heels.

“Who, me? Never.”

Taehyung shook his head. “Text me if you need a ride.”

“You got it.”

-

“You have got to be kidding me.”

You tapped your nails on the bar, having already finished your peach mojito.

“Fucking Jeon Jungkook, again?”

You needed to invest in a bow and arrow, like, yesterday.

Shoot right between his pretty eyeballs. Dude even pulled back his long, deep purple hair into a smooth ponytail with wispy strands framing his sculpted face. Was that damn eyeliner and mascara making his eyes look sharper, sexier? Fuck, he even knew how to make himself look even hotter.

Not as hot as you, of course.

“How does he always know where I’m at?” you muttered under your breath, turning away to look at the bartender and order another mojito. Watermelon. It seemed interesting. Fuck it, you were going to focus on drinking rather than the thorn in your side, Jeon Jungkook and his black dress shirt halfway buttoned and his tight-fitting black slacks with sleek oxfords. The bartender slid your glass in front of you, a gradient of pink to transparent with a little sprig of mint on top. It was a pretty drink.

You reached into your waist bag to pay, but the bartender stopped you.

“The gentleman over there paid for you. A gift.”

Oh? Maybe a potential for the night. You shifted your gaze to–

Oh.

“Tell him to fu–”

But the bartender was already off servicing other customers on this busy night.

Shit.

You know what? Fine. He put himself up as the target. He wanted to play this game.

And you never missed a bullseye.

You tilted your head to survey Jeon Jungkook out of the corner of your eye, making his way over to you, bringing your drink close to your lips. He stopped right next to you. The colorful lights of the club made rainbows dance across his lightly tanned skin and his dark lips, curled into a smug smirk.

“Hey.”

You cocked an eyebrow.

Drank.

Mmm, fuck, that was some deliciously smooth rum. The watermelon was a refreshing addition to the mint too. You probably weren’t meant to drink it all at once, but you were glaring at Jungkook who was pointedly watching your throat swallow and it was aggravating you more and more, the entire drink disappearing in record time, leaving nothing but ice and mint.

You smacked the glass down on this table with a hiss.

Jungkook purred your name with that deep, silvery voice of his. His eyes flickered down to your exposed collarbones and then back up to your face.

You clicked your tongue.

Then you turned away from him dismissively, walking past him, knocking into his arm forcefully and on purpose.

But instead of letting it happen, Jungkook shifted his weight and slid to block your path. You stopped, eyes darting up to narrow at that conceited little brat’s face. Now you could smell his cologne, fresh, sensual, a mix of pungent dragon fruit and black coffee.

Hold on.

You inhaled. Yup, no mistaking it.

That was your perfume.

Jungkook grinned as the realization hit you. How did he know what perfume you used?

“The fuck you want?” you growled.

He licked his lips slowly. He ticked his chin, taunting you.

“Finally got you to talk to me,” he purred, chuckling.

Alright, you were past causing actual bodily harm these days – jail being your primary reason – but that didn’t stop you from staring down Jeon Jungkook and his self-satisfied smirk with your signature tapering of your sharp stare.

You just stood there.

Menacingly.

He bit his lower lip, exposing that tiny mole underneath, shivering under your gaze. “Are you mad at me?” he asked, almost innocently, but there was no chance in hell that he was.

You quirked your head, lifting your chin defiantly. “Absolutely fuming,” you replied acidly.

He took a step towards you, closing the distance, so close you could feel his warmth, your breasts brushing against his chest. Now people were whispering around you two, sensing the tension between you and Jungkook. The similar outfits, the same violent energy, the same predatory aura.

As if the fox had confronted the wolf.

“What’s there to be mad about when we play the same game?” Jungkook drawled.

Cocky. The fox was so damn cocky.

“You’re just nibbling on my leftovers,” you countered, stepping forward so you pressed against him, burning body heat to burning body heat. “Which makes you the scavenger.”

Jungkook leaned down, dark brown eyes glittering with amusement.

“Then why so angry?”

His lips ghosted over yours, breathing in your exhale.

“I’m just a pest, right? A mere annoyance in your eventual victory.”

His lashes lowered, arrogant smirk reaching his dark eyes.

“Play your ace. Let’s see if it works,” he purred in the deep, sexy octave of his.

Shut up.

A low snarl rumbled in your chest.

“Shut up, Jeon Jungkook.”

You gripped his belt and yanked him to your body, rolling your crotch into his, your lips colliding with that maddening smirk, alcohol, dragon fruit, black coffee, flint igniting the dry wood, devouring his lips hungrily, his hands sliding up your sides, and his smile.

Triumph.

-

Shit.

-

You couldn’t give two fucks about Jeon Jungkook and he was into it.

Like the impossible enigma, he couldn’t figure you out but he was drawn to you anyway. The whole world was your plaything, and you treated it as such. There was something exciting about you, the thrill too irresistible to avoid when you made your presence known. Always you and that teasing smile, never getting serious, making everyone hesitate to take it farther with you. Who could blame them with your borderline brash attitude and ease of moving from one to the next?

That and your friendship with Kim Taehyung, who was a whole damn tiger next to your wolfish nature.

At first, Jungkook was intrigued.

As time went on, he became frustrated and annoyed.

What gave you the right to ignore him?

You picked up guys far less attractive than he was, not that he was that vain but, seriously, he was right here! Waiting to be caught. He didn’t try to interfere at first. In fact, Jungkook wasn’t even the sleep-around-and-mess-with-feelings kind of guy. But the more he watched you, the more impressed he was, seeing the way you charmed your way into everyone’s hearts, the way you focused on them for that moment, making them feel like they were the most perfect creature on Earth before slinking to the next, leaving them with a pining heart and lost in fantasies of what-ifs.

And, yeah, you were hot.

What was Jungkook going to do?

He could do nothing.

Or he could befriend Kim Taehyung, get under your skin, and make you notice him.

Not a scheme, per se.

Kind of a scheme.

Alright, definitely a scheme.

In Jungkook’s defense, your best friend Taehyung was all for it. Taehyung was the one who came up with all the ideas, informed him of your location, and the names of the girls you were after.

“Give her a taste of her own medicine. She needs a reality check.”

The problem was, Jungkook didn’t really want to let you go now that you were in his arms.

-

“Silly pretty boy.”

You had his chin in your palm, pressing your thumb against Jungkook’s lower lip, opening his hungry mouth to tease him with your tongue, tracing his soft lips and thrusting in, his low moan filling your lungs. His hands on your waist tightened, pulling you closer even through you were already in his lap, murmurs and eyes on you, but neither your nor Jungkook cared, used to this by now.

You were, after all, making out in the club.

The chair scraped against the ground as Jungkook firmly placed your thighs on either side of his, thrusting upwards into your core, letting your feel his rapidly growing hardness with every one of your kisses. Your hair feathered his cheeks and shoulders as your free hand toyed with his ponytail, twirling it in your fingers, smirking into his lips with his gasp from you grinding back down on his crotch, rolling your hips into him.

“Thought I was the bane of your existence?” Jungkook taunted under you, squeezing your ass through the silk and meeting your movements, staring into your eyes with his. So dark, so smokey, so fucking sexy, almost like looking into a mirror, because you too wore similar makeup, maybe a little darker and a little more of a flick to your eyeliner. “Just going to kiss me to shut me up?”

You wouldn’t be surprised if the other clubgoers were eagerly watching now, waiting to see what was going to happen between you and him.

“I don’t need to be on your mouth to shut you up,” you mused, tugging his ponytail back and kissing down his neck, tongue tracing the contours of his muscles, feeling him shudder under your lips and teeth, lightly nipping at his skin. Tracing circles, gentle kisses, relishing in his gasps and his tightened grip on you, letting your breath linger for that extra second, that extra what-if, kissing back up his neck and onto his jawline, murmuring his name sweetly, tip of your tongue curling around his earrings and bouncing them, sighing softly in his ear.

“Can’t claim my leftovers when my leftovers are you, now can you, naughty boy?” you chuckled darkly, pressing your breasts on his hot chest and your clothed pussy on the tip of his stiff length, rutting against it, making him hiss your name.

“I have no intention of being leftovers,” he growled into your ear.

Your eyes flew open as his lips transfixed to the space under your ear, sucking hard, forcing you to squeeze your thighs at the attack on your erogenous zone, sparks of arousal flinching through you, soaking your panties. You gasped, hips bucking into his needily, barely processing his words, his tongue flicking against your throbbing skin, lips and teeth, and then his mouth was moving, traveling up your earlobe, nipping at the curve, your eyelids fluttering, clutching his purple ponytail tightly.

How did he know? Did he ask your previous conquests to spill the information? There was no time to think, his hands traveling up your back, clenching fistfuls of your shirt and digging his nails into your back, your body responding and squirming against him, the quiet whine of his name escaping your lips and drifting right into his ear.

“J… Jungkook…”

He groaned, turning your head forcefully, him kissing you this time, just as ravenous, just as powerful, basically simulating sex in the middle of the fucking club with the way your hips were twisting into his and he was thrusting back against you, breathless, whispering in your mouth so only you could hear his words resonate in your chest.

“Fuck, you’re so hot, you turn me on so fucking easily, I just have to have you,” he murmured, his forehead pressed against yours, capturing your lips again and again. “There’s no way you’re any good for me, but I don’t care, fuck.”

You snickered, eye to eye, trapped in those expanding pupils and his heavy pants. “They say the same about you, Jeon Jungkook.”

You felt him smirk. “Nah, not me. No one calls me the spawn of Satan.”

You raised an eyebrow. “You sure? Because I do.���

Jungkook’s tongue licked your lips, making your shiver in delight. “That was special treatment. Just for you.”

Hold on a second.

Through your hazy buzzed brain, you began to piece the puzzle together. With each part falling into place, the amusement in Jungkook’s eyes grew and grew, seeing you fill in the missing blanks. Your eyes widened and you curled a finger around his ponytail, yanking roughly to pull his grinning face away from yours. You jerked back, but his strong hands held you in place.

Wispy strands of violet framing that devious expression.

“Taehyung,” you breathed, venomous.

Jungkook had the audacity to cock an eyebrow.

“Yep.”

You were going to kill Taehyung. That little shit! Taehyung was no idiot, so he must have planned this somehow. He always telling you to get serious and stop messing around. That’s why Jungkook always knew who you were dating, where you were, and what you were wearing! Did Taehyung recruit Jeon Jungkook to trick you? Fuck! He was dead meat, scheming against you like this!

Jungkook brought you out of your homicidal tendencies with a soft drawl of your name.

“For the record, he was helping me out,” he murmured, pulling you to him, pressing your chest to his. You narrowed your eyes, his hard cock still throbbing against your panties. “I want you.”

He lowered his face, breathing hard.

“Not just like this.”

Your eyes widened.

“I said I’m not going to be leftovers.” Looking deep into your eyes, holding you tightly. “I’m not going to let you throw me away like the rest.” Every inhale making your body rise into his touch, his deep, silvery voice saturated with lust and determination. “I’m going to make you fall in love with me as much as I am in love with you.”

You opened your mouth to retort, but…

Jungkook gave you this look.

The look of ‘you-know-you’ve-already-lost’.

You could sit here and pretend, but you were also grinding back onto his dick right out here in the open, clutching his purple hair and his pretty face. His hard body was tucked snugly in your thighs. That smug little smirk. Shit, shit, shit.

Jeon Jungkook got you and he got you good.

He knew it too, his hands sliding down and grabbing your ass again, rolling his hips into yours.

“Come on. Let’s fuck.”

-

“Oh, fuck, yes, yes, yes!”

Jungkook threw his head back onto his pillows, exposing his straining throat, veins popping out, clutching your hips strongly to rut back against you as you smacked your crotch down onto him, riding him hard and fast, your hands next to his head, his long purple hair a mess even if it was still in the ponytail, sweat glistening on his forehead, moaning loudly with your walls closing in on his hardness. You were too busy fucking the daylights out of him to say anything, but Jungkook had plenty to say, hazy eyes opening and gasping as he viewed your body hovering over him, naked with his hickeys on your neck and breasts, strong thighs flexed on either side of him, his rock-hard cock repeatedly disappearing into your tight, wet hole.

“Fuck, I knew it, I knew you would be so fucking good and so fucking sexy,” he whined, nails digging into your hips and adding more force to your thrusts.

Your clothes and his clothes were all over his bedroom floor.

Your phone was on his nightstand.

Tonight, you sent one text to Kim Taehyung.

I’m gonna buy a bow and arrow and shoot you in the ass.

You screen flashed, indicating Taehyung had replied. One quick flick of your eyes and you smirked.

Oh shit.

Jungkook squeezed your ass, making your return your attention to him.

“Focus on me,” he begged, blown-out pupils. “Only me, please.”

“So needy,” you teased, licking your lips slowly. He groaned under you, mouth opening, his pretty pink tongue lolling out, desperate to be sucked. “If you think you can keep me, you’ll have to last longer than this, Jungkook.”

He swallowed hard at the way you said his name, a mixture of warning and desire.

“P-Please… it’s too good, I-I can’t…”

You redoubled your efforts, roughly slapping your hips into his, enjoying the loud sound and the way your core tightened, constricting him inside you, telling him he couldn’t cum until you did and deliberately holding yourself back, shifting your attention when you felt it rise, denying him over and over, until he was like this, whole body shaking, grasping your ass, sweat on his chest. His right arm, covered in tattoos, looking extra delicious in the moonlight, so fucking perfect with his forearms flexed with tension. You purposefully stared into his brown eyes overtaken with lust, his lips trembling from denying himself his own orgasm.

Jungkook whimpered your name.

On the verge of breaking, helpless at your command.

A sharp throb inside you, wildly turned on by his duality.

You smirked.

“Jungkook.”

You inhaled deeply, sighing in satisfaction with the wave of pleasure, intense shivering pulses running up and down his length, sinking down so he could feel it all, the tight and rough massage of your orgasm taking over, low moan of his name emitting from your throat, and Jungkook followed suit, louder and lewder, eyes rolling back as he shot into the condom with jerking hips, burying the twitching head deep inside you, swelling the latex with thick cum, rocking you back and forth on his length, your juices dripping down and coating the inside of your joined thighs.

“Oh, fuuuuuuuck, so good, s-so fucking good…”

You know what, he was right.

It was so fucking good.

You savored it, the ecstasy that seemed endless and overwhelming, squeezing Jungkook between your thighs and moaning, just something about it, so satisfying and gratifying listening to his wheezing gasps and content whimpers, lowering yourself to his face, and he raised his, your hands sliding under his head, giving him what he wanted, light, maddening, carnal kisses, his cheeks, his chin, his quivering lips, whining your name, pleading with you to play with him more, more, tugging on his ponytail and his hands stroking your breasts, rolling your hard nipples between his index and thumb fingers, shaking at your hissing inhale.

“Hey,” you murmured, clenching him between your legs to get his attention.

Jungkook blinked at you, brown eyes unfocused, panting hard. “Y-Yeah?”

“You should apologize.”

The side of his swollen lips quirked upwards despite his fucked-out state. His deep voice was slightly hoarse. “What for? Tell me and I will.”

You raised an eyebrow. “For your scheming and using my own best friend against me.”

Jungkook smirked slyly.

“I’m sorry.”

He lifted you and made sure he had the condom before he pulled out, still semi-hard. You narrowed your eyes. He sure as hell didn’t sound sorry. Didn’t look sorry either, peeling the condom off and crawling over the bed to toss it in the trash before straightening.

“Sounding insincere there,” you remarked coolly, balancing your chin on the back of your knuckles, elbow on the bed, tapping the air impatiently.

“I mean it,” he purred, reaching for the towel beside the bed and knocking the condoms from his nightstand to the sheets. His right hand wrapped around his glistening length, still covered in lube and his cum, toned hips thrusting into his closed fist, grinning with his lower lip between his teeth as you watched him.

“I’m so, so sorry.”

Slowly jacking himself off as his eyes roamed over your curves, moaning lustfully, lingering on your legs, clutching the towel in his left hand so hard his knuckles were pale, forearms flexed, the slick head of his cock turning purple-red, emerging from between his closed fingers, throbbing as it was choked by his harsh grip.

“Let me make it up to you,” Jungkook shuddered, stroking faster, making wet squelching sounds, his muscular thighs bulging with effort.

Fuck, he was so damn attractive.

You kept an indifferent look on your face, raising your leg, your free hand sliding down, tracing the outside of your already wet opening. Those hungry dark brown orbs immediately fixated on it, moaning imploringly as you dipped your fingers in it, soft squishing noises as you spread open your soaked pussy, slipping a finger in your heat, gently thrusting.

He gasped your name, begging you.

It made you wetter, seeing his want. He knew it too, brutally fisting his cock, hips quivering.

“Stop.”

Jungkook whined despairingly, pulling his hand away, his stiff cock bouncing from the swiftness of the movement, cutting off his own orgasm. He sucked in a shivering breath, tipping his hips up to you so his glossy, hard length twitched.

You shifted, laying back against his pillows, opening your legs.

Smirk on your lips.

“Mmm, fuck, yes, fuck me with that.”

Jungkook smirked back.

It took him no time at all to wipe his hand and crotch off, ripping open another condom and moaning as he rolled it down, the mere contact of the thin encasement stimulating his sensitive skin. He slid up to you, gripping your knees and spreading you even wider, pressing the tip against your drenched heat.

He whispered your name, like sweet smoke.

“Hm?”

Jungkook leaned down, kissing you deeply as he sank into you, drinking in your gasp at the fullness.

“I’m going to make you feel so, so good,” he mumbled into your lips, pecking you softly.

He was about to retreat but your hands snapped up, tangling into his messy violet waves, clutching his ponytail. Jungkook blinked at you, questioning.

“Not too far away,” you said with a playful smile. “I wanna see that handsome face of yours.”

He bit his lower lip, tiny mole and wicked grin revealing themselves.

“Okay.”

He lifted his hips and plunged fully into you, the connection of your hips making a loud, wet smack.

“Fuck, Jungkook…!”

And you could tell from his elated expression and his furious pace that he was ecstatic at your response, chasing it, chasing you, moaning as you caught him between your thighs and wrapped your legs around his waist, gaining some leverage and meeting his thrusts, fingers tightening in his soft hair, fuck, so beautiful, the way the pleasure overtook his handsome features, his hazy dark brown orbs shrouded in lust, his pink lip trembling in his teeth, sharp jaw set, but still maintaining a little bit of that cunning exterior that ensnared you in the first place, unknowingly at the time, the side of his lips ticking up, this cheeky bastard.

Jungkook saw the way you looked at him.

He adjusted the position, hitting deeper, swelling inside you, and, fuck, you couldn’t help it, you smirked too because he was so, so full of himself and so were you, insufferable, troublesome, competitive even now, the obscene smack of his crotch hitting your hips, wet and noisy, the squish of your juices smearing against his inner thighs as you wildly matched his rapid, bruising rhythm, your moans blending together, sweet hot harmony, his bedframe ramming against the wall, and, as usual, neither of you caring, far to occupied with yourselves, pleasure snaking between you, up your spine and into your head, mixing with the light buzz of alcohol, a different kind of euphoria from every other one-night stand, because this was Jeon Jungkook and he wasn’t going to be a one-night stand.

His lower lip popped out of his teeth and he gasped your name.

Longingly, breathlessly.

Was he thinking the same thing?

You lifted yourself a little, your hands molded to his head, whispering intensely against his shaking lips.

“Don’t worry, Jungkook. We have all night and the morning.”

Fuck, he had a brilliant smile.

It was actually doomed for you, but you weren’t mad about it.

Eye contact, and he didn’t waver, thrusting deep into you, low moan pulled from his chest, jolting shudders sliding down his shoulders and then in between you and him, his cock twitching and spilling into the condom again, roughly clamped by your tightness, and you were already there, falling over the edge with a soft cry, straining your neck and pushing his head down to you to collide your lips with his, greedy for his kiss, his taste, his whimpers at your forcefulness.

“Jungkook, ah…”

He said your name in the same tone, delicate and possessive, a bullseye right to the heart.

-

“On one hand, I’m glad you’re finally serious about someone.”

You paid absolutely no attention to the annoyed baritone voice of your best friend.

“On the other hand,” Kim Taehyung gritted out, smacking you in the shoulder blades as you crawled into Jeon Jungkook’s lap, kisses intensifying, a needy whine in his chest, his hands wrapping around your waist. “Really feeling like a third wheel, you two! Stop making out for one goddamn second!”

He threw up his hands as both of you pretended to be deaf.

-

interlude respect drabble — "how much did you see?" popcorn drabble — "who are they?"

part ii threesome, ft kth — got it bad

--

masterpost

#jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #bts smut #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x you #jeon jungkook smut

[tomboyneedshercoffee]

Lovedust Pt.4 || Peter Parker x Stark Reader

Summary: As Josh and Y/N get closer, so does her relationship with Peter but when Peter’s health is on the line, it forces them to look at their relationship in a new light. 

Word Count: 2.3k

Author’s Note: It’s literally 5 in the morning wow my sleep schedule is fucked up! Thank you for being patient and thanks for the feedback on how you guys view the idea of Y/N in fanfiction in general! Also let me know if you guys like it, it really helps to know you guys actually like my stuff!

Warnings: mild language,  mentions of pain

part one || part two || part three || part four || part five || part six ||

part seven || part eight || epilogue

Once you were in Anatomy class, you dropped your head down onto the table and closed your eyes. You had spent all of last night studying for a math test and by the time you felt like you had everything down, it was already time to leave for school. 

You didn’t know how you were going to make it through the day, especially since you were the type of person to be grumpy without a full eight hours of sleep. 

“ Do my eyes deceive me or is Y/N sleeping in class?” Josh’s voice whispered from behind you as you straightened your back and turned around to face him,” I didn’t realize you were such a rebel.” 

“ Josh is actually on time for class? I didn’t realize you were such a goodie-two-shoes,” You teased back as Josh smirked. 

“ What can I say, I was extra motivated to show up to class today,” Josh said as he smiled wide at you. 

You turned back around to hide how flushed your face was and tried to think about anything else. You weren’t sure how you truly felt about Josh but there was a small part of you that wouldn’t mind if you did have a small crush on him. 

Everyone knew Josh to be a genuinely sweet guy and nobody ever had anything negative to say about him which only made you more attracted to him. Josh was the perfect student and the golden samaritan and it was about time you liked someone who wasn’t a complete asshole.   

Class went on and you were thankful that Josh remained silent as he sat behind you for your own sake.  It wasn’t until the end of class when your teacher introduced a new project that made Josh sit up a bit taller. 

Once your teacher announced that you were able to pick your own partners Josh tapped your shoulder with his pencil and greeted you with a warm smile. 

“ I think the universe is telling us that we should be partners,” Josh suggested as you tried to not act impressed,” would you want to work on this together? It’s cool if you don’t but I just thought since I already have your number, it would be easier.” 

“ You have my number? ” You asked as you tried to remember if you did give it to him but you knew you definitely would’ve. 

Josh pulled out his phone as he furrowed his eyebrows,” Huh, you’re right. Well in that case, gimme your number so I can call you sometime.” 

Damn, he really was smooth. 

You couldn’t help but let out a small laugh as you took his phone and started to enter your number,” Do you mean you’ll call me about the project?” 

Josh playfully shrugged as you handed back his phone,” Well sure, that too. I actually wanted to ask if you needed a ride to the party on Saturday. I was going to go with my band but there isn’t enough room for all the equipment so we’re taking two cars. It’ll just be me, you, and a few speakers in the car if that’s okay?” 

You didn’t think twice before accepting his offer,” Yeah that sounds great actually, thank you.” 

“ Of course, it’s my pleasure, I’ll pick you up at nine,” Josh smiled as the bell rung,” do you mind if I walk you to class? I don’t want you to sleepwalk on the way there or anything.” 

“ I wouldn’t mind at all,” You said sweetly as the two of you walked out of the classroom side by side. 

                                                           ---------

You took another look at your deck before placing one of your cards face down into the pile. You readjusted your body to lay stomach-down on your bed and eyed Peter suspiciously. 

For the last hour and a half, you and Peter had been playing various card games after he had claimed to be better than you and since you both had competitive spirits, you knew you couldn’t’ let him spew lies. 

Peter sat up on your bed with his legs crossed as his eyes darted from his cards to the movie playing in the background. 

You and Peter had been hanging out more and more lately and you never realized how much fun it was to spend time with him. You couldn’t believe you two had gone from yelling and screaming insults at each other to playfully bantering as you hung out in your room. 

“ What do I get if I win this round?” You ask as Peter let out a low chuckle. 

“ Darling, you’re never going to beat me, I promise you that,” Peter said as he put down another card,” but if you win, maybe I could give you a kiss-from the store! Like those chocolate kisses, the Hershey ones!”

You clicked your tongue against the roof of your mouth and shook your head,” Nice save Parker, you were so close! But lets just say when I win...you owe me a favor. Nothing bad but maybe one day you’ll have to do my laundry or make me breakfast.”

“ You know I could do those things for you without having it be a favor,” Peter said as you took another look at your deck,” if anything, now would be the best time to ask me to do favors for you.”

You looked up at Peter for a moment before turning back to your deck of cards. You weren’t sure why his answer had made you feel a certain type of way but you felt guilty nonetheless. 

The idea that because of Peter’s state, you could literally ask him to do anything for you and he would do it without a second guess made you feel gross. You never would want to take advantage of him when you knew he wasn’t in the right state of mind and you would hope that if it were the other way around, he would give you the same respect. 

“ We can wait until after you’re cured,” You assured him as you showed Peter your winning deck with a smirk,” what were you saying about how I would never beat you?” 

Before Peter could answer, the complex shook from underneath the foundation and the lights throughout the building shut off. 

You hardly paid any attention to it since things were always going on around the complex to mess with the power and after a few seconds of waiting, the power came back on and you moved your attention to the cards on the bed. 

“ What do you think it is this time?” Peter asked as you handed him the rest of the cards so he could reshuffle them. 

You shrugged as you sat up from the bed and looked out towards your window that looked out to the landing pad,” Well there’s not some spaceship outside so I’m guessing it came from the labs, speaking of which, my dad said they've been working extra hard and they think they found something.”

“ That’s good news,” Peter said as he felt a bit of relief,” I want everything to go back to normal...I won’t lie, I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

As each day passed, Peter’s mental and physical health declined drastically.  From agonizing insomnia to tight chest pains, Peter felt like his body was turning on him and he had never felt this type of pain before. 

Peter knew that this lovedust wasn’t temporary and the only way his pain would stop would be when a cure was found. In the beginning, he found himself to mostly be embarrassed around you and what would accidentally spill out of his mouth but now, he found so much comfort in being near you because that was the only way his pain would stop. 

“ I’m sorry I can’t do anything to help. If there was a way to take all of your pain for myself, you know I would,” You said as Peter shook his head. 

“ No, absolutely not. The way this dust messes with my mind and my body… I would never want you to go through something like this. You know how I was with my spidey senes? This is a hundred times stronger than that and your whole existence is underneath a microscope that I physically can’t pry away from but at the same time, I don’t want to look away,” Peter said as you grabbed one of your pillows and hugged it against your chest,” When I think about you, -which is all the time- I can feel myself getting more anxious-but in a good way- and then when I finally see you, it literally takes my breath away.”

You couldn’t help but let out a burst of laughter as Peter awkwardly laughed with you,“ God Parker, you’re so cheesy. Are you saying the lovedust made me pretty?” 

Peter’s cheeks flushed as he sunk into his seat shyly,” You were always pretty. Even before the lovedust, I thought you were the most beautiful girl I ever saw.”

Now it was your turn to stop laughing as your smile dropped into a ‘seriously?’ look. The idea of Peter ever thinking you were pretty had never even crossed your mind but now that he was confessing that he did even before the lovedust made your heart skip a beat. 

You weren’t sure why you were nervous all of a sudden but you couldn’t even bring yourself to respond. 

Luckily, you didn’t have to because not even a moment later, a loud knock came from the other side of the door and you could hear your dad’s voice. 

“ Y/N, can I come in?” Tony asked as you and Peter’s eyes opened wide, silently panicking. 

Your dad had specifically told you almost every day that you were meant to stay away from Peter and you knew that if he found out, you would be grounded for the rest of your life. Your dad was a great parent but the reason that your relationship with him worked was because of trust and honesty. 

The rule was that he would always be honest with you if you were honest with him and you knew how much it would hurt him if he found out you were seeing Peter behind his back. 

You pushed Peter off the bed in a panic as he looked back at you confused. You pointed underneath your bed as Peter shimmied under it without a second thought. 

You quickly went to the door and opened it wide to see your dad standing there in his lab coat. 

“ Have you seen your boyfriend? He needs to do another round of tests before bed and I can’t find him anywhere,” Your dad said as he walked past you and sat right on the edge of your bed. 

“ Um, excuse me, don’t contaminate my bed with your lab coat! And nope, not since you explicitly told me not to,” You said as you sat across from him at your desk,” Also, wow boyfriend? I thought I wasn’t supposed to have one until I’m forty? ”

You purposely tried to keep your eyes away from the bottom of the bed but you knew how easy it would be to lock eyes with Peter who was looking up at you. 

“ And I still stand by that. All boys are dumb and immature with the exception of any who live in this complex,” Tony looked over at the neatly stacked cards and started to shuffle them. 

“ Uncle Scott doesn’t live here,” you pointed out as your dad nodded,” and Uncle Steve just visits.”

“ Did I stutter?” He said as you let out a small laugh,” But now that I’m here, I wanted to talk to you about Peter and what we discovered so far. I don’t want to scare you but his condition is getting severe and I feel like you should know what’s going on.” 

You darted your eyes towards the bottom of your bed but quickly looked back at your dad. 

“ Um, does Peter know what’s going on?” You asked as your dad shook his head. 

If there was any chance that whatever your dad was about to say could mentally or physically break down Peter, you didn’t want it to be from Peter listening in underneath your bed.  

“ No and he can’t know,” your dad sighed as you shifted in your seat,” I think it would mess with his head and we need his morale to be high.  You cannot tell him but we discovered-”

“Dad um, I’m really tired and I have school in the morning. Can we talk about this another time?” You interrupted as your throat suddenly felt dry,” school has me drained and I don’t think I’m emotionally ready for any other curveballs.”

Your dad only nodded as he got up from the bed and pressed a kiss onto your forehead,“ Alright kiddo, don’t stay up too late. After school, I want you up in the lab with Banner and I, we could use your help,” Tony said casually as you gave him a small smile. 

“ Okay, no problem, goodnight,” You said as your dad closed your bedroom door behind him. 

You waited a second and thought things over as Peter scooted out from underneath your bed. 

You turned your head to look at Peter and as you two locked eyes for a moment, it was as if you two were both apologizing by just one glance. You wanted to tell him that everything would be okay and that no matter what, Peter would be able to be back to normal yet you knew you shouldn’t promise things you couldn’t keep. 

Peter knew that you wanted to spare his feelings but he would’ve given anything to find out what his mentor was keeping from him. For the first time since he made contact with the lovedust, he felt defeated and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. 

You didn’t want to lie to him but it was hard to do that when you knew you should comfort and console him. 

The idea that something was really wrong with Peter besides a few embarrassing word vomits terrified you and you never thought that it would ever get so serious. 

“ Peter, I will always be here if you need anything...No matter what, you’ll always have me,” You said as Peter’s jaw clenched. 

You knew those weren’t the best things to hear at a time like this but you couldn’t bring yourself to lie and tell him that everything will work out when you didn’t have all of the information. 

Peter got up from the ground and stood over you, his dull eyes felt like they were looking through you instead of at you,” Just...don’t give up on me, okay?”

You bit the inside of your cheek and nodded as Peter gave you one final look before exiting your room. 

As soon as the door closed behind Peter, he felt his knees buckle in as he slid down on the other side of the door and did his best not to cry. 

Every time Peter exhaled, he felt like his throat was on fire and the only way he could describe the feeling in his chest was imagining loose telegraph wires electrocuting a swimming pool. As his breathing became more rapid and shallow, all he could think about was how to stop the pain. 

He didn’t know that being in love could ever feel this painful but Peter hated it. He hated the feeling of being so helpless and he hated himself for always thinking of you. 

Every thought of him holding you close to his chest, him pressing his lips against yours, and him telling you over and over again how much he loved you felt corrupted and only brought more pain. 

But if Peter really thought about it, he would never take any of it back. If being in love with you meant that there was a chance he could literally die, then that was a risk he was willing to take. 

@eridanuswave​ @juliet-winterson​ @akacalumtrash​ @ilovepeterparker13​

@parkerboop​ @juliebean247​ @multi-fan-lover​ @ffffan-----girlll @lukesbabylon​

@danicarosaline​ @parkeret​ @marvel4geeks​ @hollander69​ @spideyyeet​ @spn-assemble-seven​ @vibraniumdaisies​ @spaghetittiesbcimgay​ @vi-bi-bye

@lemonsnips​ @aduky​ @faithfullcompanion​ @stopthemotherfuckingmusic

@satellitespidey @foreverpark​ @marvelobsessedteenager​ @deadpoetsbackup

@zalladane​ @starcourt-s​ @parkersinfinitywar​ @stargazingcarol​ @littlesugarb​

@itsteph13​ @jennasmmith​ @liljennyx3​ @harryspet​  @todaynotseen @oh-whatabeautiful-parker​  @tiny-friggin-human @popluckbih    niiight-dreamerrrr     sovereignparker  marie-is-in-the-dark  buckyboy-soldier   maia030   parkershoco wolverinesbeer   cherrysruin  sunkissdes  kiainspace  songofcosplay spideylovin  write-from-the-heart  thatcrazywhovian09  eternallyvenus  thollandx msrawog  idiosadeoro  imawkwardandhereweare  foundwolves thequeen-oni silverwolf-sama  inspiring-bea  multiversegalaxygirl  lastupidebitchette idekwho1am

silverwolf-sama  wishing-wanting  annoyinglyloudcomputer  faithful-music akacalumtrash  agusdoti   panickedbrain   serendipitous-amor   shannonthewriter-blog    darth-andy   farfromtom   xroselights   murdermornings dorbiksbitch   baby-unidorn   yes-multi-fandom-girl   multiversegalaxygirl a-disappointing-teen-author

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker imagines #peter parker x stark reader #peter parker x stark!reader #peter parker smut #spiderman #spiderman x reader #spiderman imagine #spiderman imagines #spiderman smut #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland imagines #tom holland smut #marvel #marvel x reader #marvel imagine #marvel imagines #marvel smut #avengers #avengers x reader #avengers imagine #avengers imagines #avengers smut #Joshua Bassett #joshua bassett smut #joshua basset x reader

[ruhrohimrorny]

What Subjects I Think LOK Characters Would Teach:

Lin: PE, obviously. Dating Kya and all the kids are happy cause there’s a noticeable shift in Lin’s mood once they start dating. She no longer forces kids to run a mile every day and instead does it once a week now, so the kids are hoping her and Kya stay together. She also coaches Golf and Lacrosse.

Kya: Waffled between MILF Math teacher, MILF Science teacher, and hippy/chill Music teacher, but decided on MILF Science Teacher. Getting strong Biology vibes. Very fun labs and not strict at all. Her and Zhu-Li are super passionate about leading the Science Bowl team. Seeing these young people be so passionate about STEM and helping their fellow teammates makes her hopeful for this young generation.

Tenzin: He kinda gives math teacher vibes, but a large part of his character in the show is about him keeping his history alive, and teaching others abut learning and respecting history, so I feel like he’s a History teacher. His class is a lot of notetaking but he plays quiet music and does a five minute meditation in the middle of class to encourage kids to relax, so students really like him and actually listen to him. Also, he’s kind of gullible so they make up fake trends to tell him. He once spent a week addressing people as “brony” cause students told him thats what people say now instead of bro. Kids got a good laugh out of that one. Him and Pema are another favorite teacher couple.

Bumi II: Def gives off eccentric/unhinged English teacher vibes. Very interesting and informative conversations in his class, but things get off topic very quickly. Whenever kids ask about Bum-Ju, he gets distracted and will talk the entire rest of the period about what to dress Bum-Ju up as for Halloween. Probably plays a lot of videos. And students don’t worry about if they read the books Bumi II assigns cause they don’t think he’s even read the books he assigns. When having discussions about the books in class, sometimes kids will make up stuff and say it’s in the book and for the most part, Bumi II goes along with it cause he doesn’t know what actually happens in the books.

Varrick: Also gives off eccentric/unhinged English teacher vibes, but because he’s a businessman/war profiteer, I’m gonna have to say he teaches Econ and gives students lots of unsolicited financial advice. Also supervises the Engineering and Robotics Club.

Zhu-Li: Science teacher, probably Chemistry. She’s very good at explaining and getting kids to follow her instructions. Not only is she a co-supervisor for the Science Bowl team, she helps Varrick run Engineering and Robotics Club, cause if it were only Varrick running it, no kids would come. His intensity and eccentricity scares them.

Iroh II: He’s definitely the young Math teacher everyone has a crush on. Very chill and doesn’t give a lot of homework. Kids love when he shows pictures of his dog to the class and eventually he brings in the dog cause admin think the dog is too cute to say no to.

Tonraq: Resident DILF History teacher. Kind of a hardass but also a nice dude so most everyone passes his class. Probably that History teacher that is also a football coach, so during fall he doesn’t give a FUCK about whether anyone actually turns anything in. Him and Senna is the teacher couple that seems like opposites but actually are pretty similar and balance each other out.

Senna: That English teacher that every mentally ill student becomes emotionally attached to. You know what I’m talking about. She’s so sweet, funny, and chill so all the kids love her class. Tries to include memes in her presentations to seem “with it” but they’re like, doge memes from 2014. But the kids appreciate the effort.

Pema: Definitely the sweet English teacher that occasionally has a mental breakdown when the students test her patience. Otherwise very chill. Also teaches the Childhood Education and Development class. Her, Senna, and Bumi II run the school newspaper.

Bataar: Drafting. Pretty chill, very skilled, and def smokes on the weekend. Also, him and Suyin are that teacher couple that everyone likes.

Suyin: Dance. Super nice and always has like to of those smelly plug in things going so her room smells good and has a “good vibe that evokes emotion”. Always plays EDM or weird 80s rock to get the kids moving. She runs the school dance team. When Bataar has prep period, he sometimes drops in to see Su dance, cause she’s mesmerizing to watch. All the kids think that, coupled with the fact that they eat lunch together every day, makes them the cutest couple ever.

Amon: Drama. He loves directing kids on how to totally live a role. If you can imagine, he sometimes gets a little overdramatic about drama, forgetting that these are just highschool kids, not Oscar winners, but his passion makes the class more enjoyable. Runs Drama Club with Tarrlok.

Tarrlok: Probably Physics. A difficult class, but he’s pretty good at explaining so most kids don’t struggle too much. His main focus is running student government, which he takes pretty seriously. Sometimes too seriously.

Unalaq: Teaches Psychology. The most pretentious teacher on campus. It’s literally so bad, that even other teachers avoid him. Amon abandoned his coffee still being brewed in the machine in the staff room cause Unalaq walked in and he didn’t want to be in a room with Unalaq again after he said that Amon’s outfit “looked like something stolen from the lost and found of a funeral home”. Unalaq sees it as “telling it like it is”.

Zaheer: Government and Politics. Tries to teach the class very well but also injects his own opinion into teaching a lot. The students find him scary but some also kinda think he’s hot. Also does Yearbook. Him and Senna run Mock Trial. Replaced the old Government and Politics teacher Hou-Ting after she retired. She was that one old teacher that made it a hobby to harrass students and constantly reminisced about when you could smack students.

P’Li: Math teacher. Much scarier than Zaheer. Plays her trash ass music very loudly while the kids work. Def yells at kids. She’s kind of funny when she’s in a good mood tho, and when she roasts kids it’s really funny cause it’s usually dead on. Her and Zaheer are those teachers that flirt a lot and you know they’re sleeping together.

Ming-Hua: Art. Loves drawing and, you guessed it, watercolor painting. Very chill and plays soft music but lets you listen to your own music. Super sarcastic and all the students eat it up. Literally a universal favorite. She runs Art Club and Fashion Club.

Ghazan: Guitar. Pretty cool teacher that definitely has some weird stories. All the students know he has a crush on Ming-Hua cause they flirt constantly, but he denies it. Runs E-Sports Club. Idk why I think that, it just feels right. Him and Ming-Hua are also the kinds of teachers kids become emotionally attached to.

Kuvira: Government and Politics also. Seems calm and reasonable, but is a total ass. Makes kids give up their phones, allows almost no talking, gives out more detentions a week than most teachers do in one year, and doesn’t allow for much discussion. Everyone wants her class cause she’s hot but most drop within the first week, to the point that counselors have to say no to some kids so they don’t have to get rid of the class altogether.

Bataar Jr.: Computer Lit teacher. None of the students respect him so they’ll play Minecraft the whole time or play inappropriate videos really loud. Doesn’t really put much effort into teaching, which for some kids is a dream, but for others is an annoyance. Him and Kuvira are the teacher couple that makes everyone say “wtf”. Literally no one knows why they’re together.

Izumi: Secretary/Attendance. Pretty much remembers everything and is super organized. She is the glue that holds the school together. Most students don’t know her name though cause she’s super quiet and works mostly behind the scenes. Whenever Zuko sends anyone her way though he reminds them of her name and to say thank you cause he recognizes how hard his daughter works to keep everything running smoothly. Izumi catches on to this and always manages to thank her dad with a nice tea and a hug.

Toph: Vice Principal. Scary as fuck. Doesn’t ever call kids’ parents cause she efficiently scares the shit out of every kid, so they never do whatever bad thing they were doing again. When she has to work dances, Katara always tries to get her to dance with her. She resists every time, but she always gives eventually. She’s happy to though, cause although she’ll never say it out loud, seeing Katara this happy at her old age warms her heart.

Katara: Health Clerk. Very sweet and everybody loves her. Sometimes kids pretend to feel sick just to talk to her. She doesn’t mind though cause a kid that has a tummy ache and a kid that needs to talk are both kids that need help, and she’s happy to offer whatever support she can. She also always offers to supervise dances when the school has them and always manages to bust a move.

Zuko: Counselor. Wants to be to students what his uncle was to him. Aang and Sokka were counselors too, some years ago. And while they could give some good nuggets of advice and offered the kids amazing support, they also would totally fuck up student’s schedules by accident cause those numbskulls were exactly that- numbskulls. So usually Zuko would have to fix that. He misses fixing their messes and, more importantly, he misses them (they aren’t dead, just retired). He hopes to retire soon too, cause he’s getting too old for this, but he secretly doesn’t want to retire just yet cause working at school allows him to see and spend time with Izumi. Since they’re both working, it’s not like they have too much time together, but even just her popping into his office to bring him tea or check in on how he’s doing that day brings a smile to his face that doesn’t leave for the rest of the day.

Raiko: Principal. After Toph stepped down cause she’s “too old for this shit” (her words), Raiko stepped in. The students aren’t a fan of him but he’s not terrible. And since Toph is still Vice Principal, she keeps him in check.

#lok #tlok #the legend of Korra #legend of Korra #Katara #Toph #Zuko #President Raiko #Izumi #Bataar Jr #Kuvira #Ghazan #Ming-Hua #P’Li #Zaheer #Unalaq #Tarrlok #Amon #Suyin #Bataar Sr #Pema #Senna #Tonraq #Iroh II #Zhu-Li #Varrick #Bumi II #Tenzin #Kya #Lin

[classicaltrashical]

Okay I'm not pro-bakugou, but I'm not an asshole that's going to sh*t on you for liking him, but here are some reasons on why I really dont understand people shipping BakuDeku or liking Bakugou Katsuki in general. Not hating on you just stating some canon facts. By the way I tried to censor myself but I just stopped because I got so frustrated with the amount of abuse that Bakugou got away with in just the first few chapters of the manga.

1. Bakugou is abusive towards Izuku both physically and emotionally.

1. The first freaking page of the manga starts out with Bakugou punching Izuku (while probably using his quirk).

2. Page 12 of the first chapter Bakugou slams his hands onto Izuku's desk and uses his explosion to the point it blasts Izuku out of his desk.

- Also note Izuku's body language he is trying to be as small as possible because he already is acclimated to this treatment. He is also seen trying to be as small as possible.

3. Page 15 Bakugou destroys Izuku's notebook (destruction of property).

4. Page 16 Bakugou burns Izuku's shoulder. From the looks of this and Bakugou's attitude towards Izuku this appears to in some way be a common occurrence. Because obviously this is NOT the first time he burned Izuku.

5. Page 17 Bakugou tells Izuku and I quote from the VIZ My Hero Academia Volume 1 10th Printing September 2019 "You wanna be a hero so bad? I've got a timesaving idea for you. If you think you'll have a quirk in your next life... go take a swan dive off the roof!!" After this Bakugou makes small explosions on his palm in a threatening way and Izuku left in the classroom shaking in fear. Even his friends tell him that he went too far.

6. Of course you have the name Deku. Which when used in the context that Bakugou does in the anime means Defenseless Izuku and also uses it as the abbreviation of Dekunobou which roughly translates to "good for nothing."

7. In the flashback of Izuku and Bakugou after getting praised by their principal(?) Bakugou basically grabs Izuku by the collar of his uniform and shoved up against the wall all because Bakugou was jealous and mad that he was not the first and only student to go to U.A. from their middle school and mad because he thought Izuku was hiding his quirk all this time.

2. Izuku is still traumatized.

1. I've hinted at this above, but I don't think I would allow someone with a quirk that makes them sweat a nitroglycerin-like substance to put their smoldering hand on me. Seriously just that scene makes it clear that Bakugou has used his quirk to either frighten Izuku or to injure Izuku.

2. When going in for the entrance exam on page 2 of the third chapter Izuku is shown to turn away from Bakugou and appears to be even more nervous then before.

3. Izuku also thinks to himself about how he has to "stop flinching instinctively." Guys he flinches away from just hearing and/or seeing Bakugou. If you think this can become a healthy and stable relationship......??? Also a few pages after when everyone is gathering around their assigned testing locations someone says "he flinches at the slightest touch" after Iida grabs his shoulder.

- If you think that is freaking natural someone watching that unfold already freaking knows it's not f u c k i n g natural for some to be terrified of another person grabbing their shoulder when they even see the person performing the act. Startled perhaps, but not the way Izuku flinched. Once again in this scene (and like most throughout the first volume) Izuku tries to make himself smaller than he already is by tucking his chin towards his chest and looking away from Iida (who by the way is trying to meet Izuku's eye.) Izuku is so used to being physically abused by his peers that he flinches on contact.

4. Before entering the 1-A classroom for the first time Izuku prays that neither Bakugou or Iida would be in the same class and depicts Bakugou in a pretty demonic way.

5. After the meeting with the principal(?) Izuku instinctively raises his arms to try and block any explosions near his face.

6. After Izuku uses OFA through one finger in Aizawa's assessment test Bakugou is furious and when Izuku sees his barreling towards him he screams in fear. And guys this must be the first time someone has actually STOPPED Bakugou from tormenting Izuku because the look on Bakugou's face is pure shock. Meaning in the years (probably near a fucking decade) nobody has stopped anyone from bullying Izuku. Like that says it all, doesn't matter if you're pro-Bakugou or not Bakugou traumatized Izuku because his abuse and torment went from when they were just little kids after finding out Izuku was quirkless to right after the Sludge Monster.

Do I need to continue into Volume 2 with the whole Bakugou versus Izuku fight? But I will say this...

Izuku has started to heal.

As the manga and anime continue Izuku stops flinching everytime someone calls his name or touches him. He stops raising his arms to block a blow that won't come. He stops trying to sink in on himself. I think the best comparison of this is when Izuku first "raises" his hand in the first chapter to the one during Ectoplasm's math lesson where he stands up confidently and gives an answer.

But healing doesn't erase the past. Healing mentally doesn't erase physical scars (once again it is pretty obvious that Bakugou used his quirk on Izuku.)

Not to mention Bakugou has yet to confront what he did to Izuku. Hell he hasn't even changed much. The only change he did was not always call people somewhat derogatory names instead of their actual name. Don't give me that shit of "well he was kidnapped and felt guilty over All Might's retirement." That's just making a fucking excuse about why he should be forgiven. Was he held against his will for almost a fucking decade? No it was a handful of days and who got him out? Shockingly, but sadly not shockingly the one he decided to torment for years. Don't give me that shit about how apparently being a kid gets you out of trouble. Sure some of it was when he was a kid, but want to know something people age. Hell by the time he told Izuku to kill himself he would have been 14 and most likely almost 15. Which means he should have fucking known better! The only actual excuse I will allow to somewhat slide is the fact that as mentioned AIZAWA SHOTA WAS PROBABLY THE FIRST ADULT TO STOP BAKUGOU FROM HARMING IZUKU! Meaning every fucking adult that saw the way Bakugou acted didn't do jack shit which meant he was raised in a toxic system for years being told what he was doing wasn't something worth being punished for. But still Bakugou should have known better.

The fact that Izuku idolizes Bakugou shows how toxic even this "friendship" is. He is literally idolizing his abuser. And yeah Bakugou is an abuser sure he can be called a bully and a tormentor but he is an abuser. "A person who treats another person or animal with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly"- the fucking Oxford definition of abuser. I mean repeatedly throughout the series Izuku talks about how he has come to view Bakugou as an image of victory.

You want a character to be dating his past abuser? You really want that? I don't give a shit if you write a "they have a talk about their past" before they start dating in your story.

The fact that Bakugou's abuse and the trauma it did to Izuku hasn't been talked about yet in canon is also something that angers me a bit (hopefully Horikoshi has something planned for this). Because it's obvious from their fight during finals and their fight after the provisional license exam that they need to at least talk about it. And then get them both into fucking therapy because yikes they both need it.

And I do not fully agree with Bakugou being forced out of the Hero Course (as some people do), but at least some temporary removal. Mainly put him on probation for a while. Because I believe there are rules in Hero Society that prohibit even middle schoolers from using their quirks against someone(? Right these exist?)

Also if you think for one fucking second that Bakugou did not abuse Izuku and having them in a relationship is not toxic go read the manga and watch the anime both from the beginning because you are missing some cues.

I know that this is was supposed to be about why I don't see how people can ship this and it turned into a rant. I never really care about what other people ship but just think about this. I wrote this mainly because I have seen some people around saying that anti-bakugous overexaggerate and say that Bakugou want not an abuser when ah clearly he is. Like I could go onnnnnnnnn about how much damage Bakugou did to Izuku. We aren't exaggerating you just need to go back to the beginning and see how shitty Bakugou treated Izuku.

If you want to make an argument about how Bakugou is a good guy and how he has learned and changed and it's all good now come @ me I have volumes 1-23 and the other manga chapters on stand by and my Hulu is up and ready.

Not actually looking for an argument but I could have made this post longer but it's now almost 8am I haven't slept a wink and I'm tired.

#bakugou katsuki #bnha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #Bakugou is a bully #Bakugou is an abuser #midoriya izuku #not hating just stating canon facts #anti bakudeku #anti bakugou #anti Bakugou Katsuki

[ughgclden]

bee, love, i am so happy you had a good first day, you deserve calm and loving days, and you deserve people, deserve friends. i’m so happy for you.

as for apologising, i’m a terrible hypocrite every time i tell you not to worry about it, as i also apologise for anything, most notably existing, but i want you to know you don’t have to apologise to me, i understand the impulse but there’s no obligation or anything.

i’m glad you’re feeling better, and that it was just a little ick, well not glad that you were ick but glad it wasn’t too bad.

when it comes to being in welton, i fantasise a lot about these things, i think something especially about boarding schools is appealing to me. being away. that’s why my plans are new york or wales or if my friend is to be believed, quebec. sometimes though, those realities all feel more and more like tissue paper soaked in water, just waiting for a reason to fall apart

i read really quickly, it’s probably an issue, i read red white and royal blue in about an hour and fifteen minutes. neil and i. kindred spirits. today at lunch i watched the last thirty minutes of dead poets society, going back to rewatch “i was good, i was really good.” like ten times.

imposter syndrome is slowly getting the better of me.

i actually dressed up as leia for the midnight premiere of the force awakens. i’m that person. if i’d been with you in the cinema i would have cried too, you’re not alone there, i cried watching it on the floor.

i don’t deserve the nice words you give me, but i’m happy i make you feel comfy and cosy, and ironically enough, writing with a quill or fountain pen never ends in pristine and unsmudged ink, you can thank my being left handed for that. i think there’s something nice about writing with fancy pens, maybe that makes me seem pretentious as well. oh well.

as for dps tattoos, if i can ever get any tattoos, i want the neil crown, “i was good, i was really good.” somewhere, probably my wrist who knows, and some art that alludes to the first unmanned flying desk set. among others. the “and still we sleep” thought, and the outline of meeks and pitts both sound so lovely. so so lovely. i really hope you can get every tattoo you wish. although your bank account may hate me for saying so /j i want more piercings, mainly on my ears, i have something of an earring addiction, my favourite pair at the moment is probably my howl drop earrings that look like howls from howls moving castle.

honestly the outfit/hair colour distraction rule is dumb. it’s dumb. i just don’t get it. abuse of power ig. and yeah. we were like hugging and sorta just leaning on each other while talking and the administrator got angry, for whatever reason. the straight couple making out behind us, she didn’t seem to mind, however. it’s dumb, and im glad i don’t go there anymore.

im clearly very articulate today (sarcasm) my mind is ehhhhhhhhhhh and feels like a squirrel laying on its stomach.

maybe i will call you ramona flowers, bee /j did you know the original name for pac man was puck man… /j hiding in the back of the music room to avoid a maths test sounds like something i would do. i say this, knowing full well that i’m such a neil kinnie that i end up feeling like a teachers pet because i want to do well, both for myself and simply to avoid trouble with my mum.

a new york times best seller, huh? well if i ever publish anything i’ll dedicate it to you, both for being the only person who thought i could be a storyteller, but also for being a lovely person in general.

sometimes one day after another feels impossible. tomorrow feels impossible. but oh well. i think younger me would be disappointed, to some degree. on the other hand, i think they’d think it’s cool how much i know. if nothing else, they’d love that i have a typewriter. also, i’m sure young you would be proud of you, i am. i’m so proud of you.

i mean bee, i could teach you to shoot a bow /hj YOU CAN WIELD A SWORD????? here i was thinking you could not possibly get cooler or hotter omg i’m in love /hj

thank you for being proud of me, really bee, thank you. and thank you for being the only one. i’m hardly changing the world, but i guess if i don’t burn out and lose this fight, changing a few points of views in the process of growing wouldn’t be terrible.

p.s. it’s certainly something, i feel bad because i always pull away from people when i get numb and it’s so new that me doing that could be detrimental to everything, but me forcing myself not to could have a bad effect on me. who knows what’ll happen. i’m just gonna try and keep them happy no matter what.

p. p. s. bee you brought this upon yourself /lh

all my love, bee, and that pun was the out of this world part of that sentence. you’re so cute omg.

that quote is beautiful, and since i, once again, had to translate french and smile about it, i’ll leave you with this

no importa que nos separe la distancia, siempre habrá un mismo cielo que nos una.

p.p.p.s. thank you for saying what you do, and i know that i don’t owe you anything, but writing to you is easy, and makes me happy, when i manage to get myself to sit down and think about it. i’m sending you back hugs, gentle forehead kisses and mugs of tea, a soft blanket and a narnia movie marathon, where we argue about how i am definitely not better than susan pevensie, but you almost certainly might be.

i’m so happy uni is going well thus far, love. and i hope you love your classes. learning.

thank you for everything bee.

yours, always,

star✨

star sweetheart, thank you so so much, honestly. i can't tell you how much that means - i know you said not to apologise, but an apology seems in order for the lateness of this message- im terrible i know /lh thank you sm though.

i'm writing this whilst listening to one of my favourite albums (hypersonic missiles by sam fender, if you were curious) and curled up in bed, so this really adds to the comforting vibes.

i'm with you on that, boarding schools do have a certain something about them, don't they? i hope you can get to one or all of these places in your life - i can speak from experience wales is especially beautiful, but i can really see you in new york, too. wherever you end up star, i truly hope you're happy there.

an hour and fifteen mins?!!? the fastest i've read something was a clockwork orange in two and a half hours or so- you are so strong star, i've watched that film 20+ times and only watched the last half an hour maybe 4 /lh

that is SO CUTE oh my god- i will admit, for it chapter two i did channel my inner bill denbrough and wore some flannel (i luv that limbo <3)

you deserve all of these words and more, i promise you. you deserve something a lot less clumsy, but i offer you my best. left handed.. you rly are neil huh? /j

all of those ideas; absolutely lovely. the i was good tattoo breaks my heart in the best way possible. im hoping you get all of these tattoos, love. you'd suit them more than anyone, i'm sure. those earrings sound like the coolest fucking things ever? i did have a pair that had a little vodka bottle on, but i lost one in a club and haven't gotten round to replacing them. i definitely want more piercings too,, my conch is looking pretty bare as of late...

that is just. so disgusting? im so- god that makes me so angry i can't even explain. i think i should punch all homophobes straight in the mouth, actually /hj

love, i bet younger you would be so so proud of all you've achieved. from only what you've told me, i am. they'd be over the moon at how intellectual, kind and strong you are, i know it.

I CAN!!! ITS ONE OF MY MOST ESTEEMED TALENTS!!! lets make a deal. you teach me to shoot a bow, i teach you to wield a sword.. we're giving very narnia power couple if i may say.. /hj

i will always be proud of you star, for even the smallest of things you achieve. you're actively making a difference and a change, take bringing this positivity into my life for example. you've got this, star. i know you have.

ps; im wishing you all the best my love, seriously. take every day as it comes, and listen to your mind and wellbeing. im sending you so much love

pps; that quote. is so fucking cute. god im breaking down,, its so pretty and so DHJHFJKNFKKN yeah.

this is me, making you a cup of coffee and your favourite comfort meal, with a kiss on the top of the head. we will have this argument - as much as i love susan, she's no match for you <33

all of my love and happiness, star. you truly are one of a kind.

if i may, i'd like to leave you with an excerpt from a poem i saw earlier that i fell in love with;

"and you laugh. / loudly- / head tipping back. / and while your eyes / are on the ceiling, / i am mouthing / something too heavy even / for this steady night to shoulder. / "this is not a joke." i mouth. / "love me. love me." - letters from medea, salma deera

#asks <3 #anon asks! #star anon #long post

[completely-zucked]

Kazakhstan: The Greatest Country in the World

I'll readily admit that my knowledge of American history (particularly when it comes to the oppression of BiPOC) is a little sketchy in places. So I conflated Juneteenth (the fact that certain places didn't emancipate slaves for 2.5 years after they should have) with the Tulsa massacre. However, I hope it counts for something (however small) that I at least knew it was something horrific to do with racist and oppressive BS, that noone in their right mind would be so callous or insensitive to wish anyone hapiness/celebration while remembering that. I wonder how many white Americans can honestly say the same. It seems that I am at least one step ahead of them. Most just take what they learned in K-12 and accept it as the whole truth. K-12, though? That strikes me as a class for advanced students. It seems to me that the average American isn't much more intelligent/educated than the average K-9. (It's one of the reasons why I'm proud to not be an American.)

Too Little, Too Late

Honestly, more white Americans know the history today than did a month ago, and more knew last summer than did the year before, which is definitely … something in the right direction?

Yeah, it's fucking sad, and infuriating, though. Your schools don't teach you this shit, or about Tulsa, or about Rosewood, or Rosa Parks, or about the legacy of lynching, or anything much beyond "slavery was really bad and then we fought a war to get rid of it and then it was mostly better and then Martin Luther King Jr. gave a speech and made it all the way better". (Sometimes it's even worse. I know someone who had a friend who grew up in the South and though he admittedly didn't pay a ton of attention in history — with no serious repercussions because he's white — it was at least into his twenties before he realized that the Confederacy lost. He thought that they must have been fighting to end slavery instead of keep it! I mean, how problematic and appalling is that?!)

You don't teach kids about indigenous genocide, either. They don't learn about how their government has (sometimes quite literally) stabbed them (and the first nation's people) in the back over and over again. Growing up, I didn't learn about how Lincoln ordered the largest mass hanging in US history, executing 38 people who had fought because they were starving as a result of their lands being stolen (not just their original lands but part of what they had been forced onto, too) — and that a bunch of the names we saw everywhere like Ramsey and Sibley were dudes who were heavily involved in that "conflict", but I was taught the gist of the attrocities committed by men like Custer when the West was lost.

Your shit's fucked up from top to bottom and side to side.

Your whole education system is garbage, not just your History. Your countrymen (collectively) can't spell, have poor reading comprehension, struggle to identify their own country on a map (never mind anyone else's), are still stuck in the 1960 as far as race relations go, have no grasp of basic Physics or Biology, lobby against teaching evolution in schools (as opposed to Creationism), ad infinitum, ad tedium … Yet I, an individual from a Third World country, have a better education (Cambridge syllabus) than the average individual from what is allegedly The Greatest Country in The World™ Hmm … Something doesn't add up here (but then again, my country's Maths literacy is a known weakness). #JustSaying

Honestly, if my country of origin was one that once housed the thousands of minds that successfully worked out and executed the challenge of going from near-Earth orbit to manually landing a craft on the moon and getting it back to Earth without incident in less than a decade (using technology less powerful/accurate than the average pocket calculator, nog al); a feat so statistically improbable as to be practically impossible … to this sordid state of affairs, I would either retreat to the backwoods and whittle while seriously contemplating my ancestors' poor life choices or I would dilligently apply myself to getting a proper education through online courses. I certainly wouldn't run my mouth about how great my nation is when it's clearly appallingly and embarrassingly backward. Only an idiotic, ignorant, arrogant motherfucker does that. This is far beyond something rotten in the state of Denmark. So yeah, I'm very much anti-American and I'm definitely not ashamed of it.

Now, I realise, of course, that generalisations are generally wrong and not every American is an illiterate and poorly-educated backwoods hillbilly, but fuck me, the smart ones are needles in the haystack (and it's a very big haystack).

Perhaps if your government spent as much on mitigating its education, housing, medical aid (health insurance), unemployment and potable water shortage crises as it does on exploring the Universe and persecuting/murdering BIPOC (particularly non-Christian ones) around the world while claiming to be "liberating" them of anything other than natural resources (particularly gold, diamonds, oil and tungsten) and their lives while foisting cheap crap on them, I might not be such a harsh critic. But don't mind me; I'm just an anti-consumerism anarchist with no idea of how the world really works.

Having worked for some morally bankrupt organisations myself, I'm certainly in no position to criticise, but I do think it's at least a little hypocrytical for someone who worked for Baby Killers International to wish BIPOC a restive and peaceful Juneteenth.

The idea that it's made a holiday is all well and good, but the government still allows cops to murder minorities. It's a consolation prize and a hollow one at that. Not teaching why it's even a holiday in the first place is all sorts of problematic, but only in America. The government has been scared to death of its people (all of them) since the 60s (which is a good thing). Now, they're seeing a lot more whites side with BIPOC than did back then. The only thing keeping them safe is their brainwashed right-wing. This is beyond disturbing.

The Greatest Country in the World

"We're The Greatest Country in the World™", you cry? Maybe sixty years ago you could broadly claim it was heading there and maintain a straight face (if you ignore a lot of problematic shit like abusing Oppenheimer's genius in order to commit war crimes). It certainly isn't any more. Why; what the fuck happened to a nation that used to be an inspiration? Well, you didn't just rest on your laurels; you destroyed them. Meanwhile, the rest of the world struggled and persevered to become what you once were. Unfortunately, we bought into the nightmare of consumerism and greed you packaged and sold to us as The American Dream™.

So, in short: Fuck you very much! Enjoy your fucked-up holiday. Coke (which used to containe cocaine), nutrient-devoid cardboard "food" and heart-attack-inducing "energy" drinks white America!

https://vimeo.com/134492436

#juneteenth #USA #us army #your fave is problematic #amerika

[parkaiur]

Snowy Days - Jihoon

❀ genre: college life + romance + a dash of angst 

❀ word count: 5491

❀ a/n: just read the tags below but if ur too lazy to basically: don’t expect lots of updates and i just wrote this as a form of therapy for me. i guess i missed writing and needed to rant /shrugs/ 

also this title sucks but idk what to do with it either LMAO 

❀ ❀ ❀

It was a quiet, winter evening; the snow was gently falling outside and the laughter of college students filled the dorm hallways. 

I, on the other hand, was curled up in a ball on my bed, reading a book. The soft sounds of my hand turning the pages lulled me in a dreamland of swoon-worthy boys. 

Suddenly, I heard a loud bang. 

I flinched and jumped up on my bed to see what had dropped. 

“Sorry! Just dropped my pan, how’s it going?” I sighed thankfully, realizing it was just my roommate, Naeun. Naeun was a freshman like me; we hadn’t talked much before rooming together. We got along most of the time, but being around people just irked me sometimes.

I pointed at the book, trying to hide the girlish daze in my eyes. 

“Just reading, like usual.” I kept my words short, hoping she would get the hint that I wasn’t in the mood to talk. It wasn’t like I was mad at her or anything, but I need my breaks with all the socialness of college. I don’t think people understand how tiring it is for introverts to have to be “on” all the time; “on” meaning social. 

She nodded. “What book?” 

“It’s called ‘Win Some, Lose Some’ by Shay Savage. It’s a really amazing novel about a boy who was Autism and a girl who ...” I trailed off when I realized she had her back towards me. The sound of her pots and pans flying into her drawer was distracting. “A girl who befriends him basically. How was your day?” I asked politely. 

I braced myself for her long winded answer. Most people just say “good” or “it was pretty alright” but not Naeun, she pops off and talks about things no one really needs to know, and no one really cares. 

“It was okay. I saw one of my friends on campus and I waved to her because it’s so weird, right? Seeing people you know on such a large campus. And then I walked to English and my professor was just such in a good mood today, she’s so nice, I love her.” 

I smiled carefully, hoping she doesn’t realize how much I do not care about who she waves at or how her professor looks. 

“Then, I went to the library and did some of my math homework and I got started on the next chapter. And then I started to do my English homework which I got kind of stumped on. Anyway, all I could think about is this big burrito when I was studying.” She took out two large burritos and plopped them on a blue plate. 

I nodded and told her I was going to go back to my book. She nodded and right as I was about to plug in my earbuds to drown out her voice while I read, she stopped me with her voice.

“Hey, I’m bored, do you think Ahyoung and Somi are busy?” I took out my earbuds once more and shrugged. 

“Probably not.” 

“Hm. Is it cool if I invite them over? I mean, you don’t have to say yes if you just want to be alone, I know how you get like that.” 

I forced an awkward smile. “Um, I actually want to just chill and be alone, but you can always go to their rooms... they live in the same building.” I tried not to let my annoyance show in my voice, but it was rising. 

She furrowed her brows and sighed. “Yeah, but they’re so far...” She whined. 

Don’t roll your eyes. Don’t roll your eyes. Don’t roll your eyes. 

“I mean, they always come to our dorm, maybe go to them today?” I really didn’t care what she did, I just wanted to be alone. 

I turned on my music and opened my book so I didn’t have to hear her complain. She went back on her phone and I was content reading in peace. 

Five minutes later, I heard loud knocking on the door. 

What? She did not just...

“Oh, hey, Ahyoung! How’s it going?” 

No way, she did not just invite people over after I told her not to. 

I felt my blood boil, but I tried to keep my calm. I was not going to make a scene, especially since Ahyoung was my friend. 

I locked eyes with Naeun, who I visibly glared at. 

“It’s chill, y/n, you don’t have to talk we are just gonna hang a bit and then go watch some TV.” 

I bit my tongue to not snap at her. Her insensitivity was rubbing me the wrong way, but I didn’t want to blow up. We were all adults here, I didn’t want to seem like a child who got irritated when they were forced to socialize with their mom’s friends. 

Soon, I heard another knock. 

“Hey, Sooyoung! Come in, we are picking a show to watch.” 

I tried to calm down and read my book, but when I say I want to be alone, I really mean I want to be alone. 

I felt myself boil over in anger as I could still hear them over my earbuds. Their laughter and constant chatter couldn’t be tuned out. 

“Ok, we are gonna go to the lounge and watch TV. High five!” Naeun held her hand right in front of my face and I hit it just to make her leave. I swear, I’d rather hit her face instead. 

As soon as I heard the door slam shut, I pulled out my earbuds and went to rinse my face. 

How insensitive of her! I explicitly told her not to invite anyone over to the dorm, and there she goes. She can’t walk up one flight of stairs to see our friends?? So fucking rude. 

Living in the dorms as an introverted person was terribly hard. I don’t even know if introverted is the right word for it anymore if I want to go days without talking to people. And it sucks when no one truly understands me and doesn’t take my words seriously. 

I groaned and stared at myself in the mirror.

“Just two more quarters and you’re free for the summer.” 

I sighed and wiped my face on my towel. 

College was hard. 

I had found my group in college, but unfortunately, I had made the same mistakes as I did in high school. First, I stayed connected with some friends from high school who I had planned on cutting off. And most importantly, I put too much time and effort into people who disrespect me and don’t care for me. 

And now I live with someone like that. 

It angered me to feel so out of place, so alone in the dorms even when I had friends. Whenever I wanted to escape, there was no where to go. All my friends were here. 

I clenched my fist. 

All of a sudden, I couldn’t just sit down and read. I glanced over in the corner of the room and saw the camera from my photography class sitting there. 

I looked outside my window and saw the soft snow falling down. 

I quickly pulled on a warm, puffy jacket, jeans, and headed out to take some photos with my trustworthy camera. 

-----

The air was colder than I remembered. I felt my nose crinkle as the wind blew snow into my nose. 

The city was beautiful; it was painted in white sparkles. I snapped a few photos and took a deep breath. 

I loved being outside and having no one notice me; this was one of my favorite things about living in the city and college in general. I snapped pictures of groups of people walking across the street. The blur of the street lights combined with the softness of the snow captivated me. 

“Some nice pics you got there.” 

I jumped at the voice and almost dropped my camera; thankfully, it’s always wrapped around my neck.

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t think you’d get so scared.” 

I looked up and saw a boy around my age staring at me. And dang, was he cute. 

I thanked God for the weather because my cheeks were already red. 

“Uh, um, it’s fine.” I fibbed quickly. I felt awkward because I didn’t know how to act around guys my age, especially ones as cute as him. 

Be friendly, be friendly. He just wants to be friends.

“Um, I’m y/n by the way.” I took out my hand to shake his. He chuckled and reciprocated the action.

“Jihoon, Park Jihoon. You live in this building too?” He pointed at the building next door to me. I shook my head and watched as the snow fell onto my shoulders.

“Oh no, I live in this one.” He nodded. “Are you a freshman?” I asked. 

He laughed heartily. I liked how he didn’t hide his emotions. “Oh no, I’m a sophomore this year but I’m an RA in this building.” 

I made an “O” shape with my mouth. “Ah, a resident adviser. I’m applying to be one next year, kinda nervous but hopefully I’ll get the job.” 

His eyes widened. “Oh really? I rarely meet people who want to baby a bunch of freshmen.” I laughed at his comment. “But hey, it’d be cool if we were in the same dorm next year. You could teach me to take such pretty pictures.” I laughed and flipped through the photos on my camera out of habit.

“Don’t get your hopes up, I haven’t even been accepted for the job yet. Also, I’m taking photography 101 with Professor Lee Miyoung, I’m sure she’s a better teacher than I am.” I teased. 

He shrugged. “Well, I doubt she’s as pretty as you.” 

My heart froze. 

W-what? Did he just flirt with me? Oh god, what do I say now? How do I flirt back? I-

“Sorry, was that weird? I wanted to call you pretty but I didn’t mean to lowkey talk about a professor’s beauty either.” He looked mildly embarrassed when he shook out his hair full of snow. 

I gave him a small smile. “Um, no, not weird, it was actually kind of smooth. I don’t really know how to respond to flirting.” 

Oh my god. I just said that. 

His eyes lit up mischievously as I tried not to blush even harder.

“Oh flirting? Is that what we are doing?” He teased.

“Technically, that’s what you are doing.” He laughed loudly and his voice echoed throughout the streets. I only hoped to have that loud of a voice as an RA. 

“You got me there.” He then looked down at his watch and frowned. 

“What’s wrong?”

He looked up at me with his soft brown puppy eyes. I swear this guy is too cute to be real. “Um, my shift is starting soon.” He then took out his phone. “I know we just met, but you seem pretty cool-”

Before he could finish, I took his phone and typed in my number.

“There, now you can teach me how to be an RA and I can teach you how to take photos.” I said as confidently as I could. 

He seemed a bit surprised at my voice, but nodded.

“Sounds great, see you later.” He waved to be as he walked away, but slipped on a patch of snow. 

“Ah, be careful!” I shouted. He gave me a small smile and walked back into his dorm.

Well, at least this day ended on a high note. 

-----

“Hey, where’d you go last night? We were wondering where you were at.” 

I’m an adult, I don’t have to tell you everywhere I go.

I bit back the words and forced a small smile. “Oh, I just went to take some photos for my photography class. The snow looked really pretty last night.” I left out the minor detail that a cute boy started to talk to me. I wanted to keep the giddiness to myself. 

“Oh cool. I just came back from the gym. I saw a really cute boy in there. He was really fit, dark skinned, dark hair. And he smiled at me and I smiled back. We didn’t get to talk because I was so out of breath, but I hope he’s at the gym again.” She went off without me asking her too. 

I understand that I’m being a bit tough on her, but she irritated me first by inviting people over when I told her not to. People always talk about communication in college, but sometimes people just don’t listen to you. 

“Cool, hope you see him again.” I said nicely. I have to put on a nice face with my roommates, as I don’t want to be in an awkward living situation. 

“Yeah... how was your day today?” 

-----

“And then she just invited you guys over, disregarding what I had just said before! Isn’t that rude?” I voiced to Ahyoung, my best friend. I’d known her before going to college, well, I’ve known her since we were 8. 

She looked a bit hesitant on what to say. 

I went on about the situation. “I’m not saying I hate seeing you guys, but you know how I get when I want to be alone. I...I just want to be alone and it makes me crazy when I see people. Plus, I told Naeun I wanted to chill out and be alone and then she just invites you guys over, without telling me?? I’m not crazy.” I ranted. 

Ahyoung sighed and took a sip of her coffee filled with milk and sugar. 

“I mean, she did say she was inviting us over in the groupchat.” 

I glared at the younger girl. “Excuse me, I was sitting right next to her, she knows I didn’t check my phone. It’s rude to not tell your roommate you’re inviting people over, and it’s even ruder when we just talked about how I didn’t want her to invite people over. It’s not like she forgot within the five minutes.” 

“True. That wasn’t nice of her.” I noticed she hesitated on saying anything bad about her. We were all friends, but I was the one who had problems with friends in the group, as usual. I didn’t like very many people, but I was civil and nice to everyone; that’s what being an adult is all about. 

“Yeah...” I trailed off. I don’t know when it got so weird between us, but it felt like I couldn’t talk to my best friend about things in my life. I didn’t even tell her about the cute guy who flirted with me. Deep inside of me, I knew she didn’t deserve to know these things about me when she didn’t want to hear the bad parts of my life. 

It felt like everyone wants to be around me when I’m laughing and joking, never when I’m serious and want to talk about my feelings. No one wants to listen when I want to rant about real things in life, yet they love when someone rants about some “dumb” thing a girl did in the hallway. 

I didn’t get why they judged people before they knew them. I always tried to talk with people before I made judgements, yet people think it’s weird when I judge people I talk to. That’s the way you’re supposed to judge people... when you get to know them personally. Duh.

As I was talking, I saw her eyes focused on something far away from me. 

I turned around and saw her crush standing there. She stopped listening to me as he waved at her. I saw her eyes bright up when she saw him and I grew annoyed. I was telling her about something that was bothering me, and then she chooses a boy over me. Not cool. 

“Hello? Earth to Ahyoung??” I teased. She shrugged me off. 

“He’s so cute. I know he doesn’t like me, but I can’t help myself.” 

I snorted. “Yeah, he doesn’t like you and actually, he only dates white girls and you my friend, are not white.” I knew I was being harsh, but I hear about him every single second and it angers me when I want to vent about something in my life and she doesn’t think I’m as important as her crush.

She flinched at my harsh words. 

“You just wouldn’t understand, you’ve never had a crush before. You’ve never been in love before.” She said matter of factly. 

Ouch. 

This was all true, but it hurt when she said it like that. I’ve never felt romantic love, wow, thanks for reminding me. Maybe I’m too busy taking care of my dumb friends who don’t care about me. 

Maybe.

-----

“Bye, see you later.” I waved her off as we both went to class.

As soon as I turned around, I saw a familiar face. 

Jihoon. 

I fixed my hair and prayed none of my mascara had smeared on my face. 

Be confident, make friends. 

“Hey, Jihoon.” He turned around with a confused look on his face. I felt a leap in my heart when he smiled at me.

“Oh hey y/n, it’s weird to see you without a camera.” He joked. 

I felt my heart skip a beat when he said my name; I was so used to people forgetting about me. 

“Hah, well it’s weird to see you in the daylight.” I joked. When I saw him left an eyebrow, I knew I said something wrong. 

I felt my face burn up at my own words. 

“Not like that.” I blubbered out. He let out a light laugh. 

“Well, I mean, you’re right.” He took note of my embarrassed state and changed the subject. “So, what class are you headed to?”

“History of the Ancient Greek and Roman worlds, how bout you?” 

“Woah, what an interesting class. I’m heading to choir practice actually.” That made me stop in my tracks.

“Wait, you sing?” 

He chuckled. “Yup, that is what you do in choir.” I felt a bit embarrassed at my statement. “I’m joking, I’m joking, but yes, I do sing. Have been doing so for my whole life.”

“I did choir up until high school, I didn’t feel good enough for college. I still don’t know how to read music and it’s been years.” 

“It’s hard, but you get used to it. You should give it a shot if you really want to though. Or come watch one of our performances.” I smiled at him.

“One day.” I stopped walking and pointed at the building in front of us. “This is me. I’ll see you later?” 

He nodded and smiled. 

“I’ll see you later.”

-----

Two weeks had passed and I hadn’t seen much of Jihoon. We waved to each other in passing, but it was midterms soon, and exams were the only thing on my mind. We sent each other memes daily though and we just got each other’s humor- that was rare. 

I was filling out my history study guide until I heard my roommate, Naeun, walk in.

“Hey, y/n~ Ahyoung, Sooyoung and I saw you talking to a boy yesterday~ Oooooooo what’s his name?” 

She sat right in front of me, not giving me any personal space. 

I tried not to blush but honestly, my face was turning red because I was so annoyed at her.

“His name is Jihoon. He’s an RA in the dorm next to us, we met at an RA informational meeting.” I lied. I didn’t want to tell her I ran out of the dorm because I couldn’t handle her and people.

“He’s cute, nice body too.” I felt a an overwhelming sense of jealously and protectiveness wash over me. I hated it. I didn’t want to be this person. I probably only felt this way because I didn’t like Naeun right now. 

“Yeah, you can have him if you want. I’m not into him.” I lied. 

She raised a brow. “Really? Don’t be upset if he falls for me then.” I knew she was joking when she flipped her hair dramatically, but I wasn’t into it. 

I felt my buried insecurities rise when I stared intensely at her face. Her eyebrows were neatly plucked, which I was always too scared to do. Her skin was tanned and even, not blotchy and red like mine. Her fashion was trendy and most boys liked her because of her socialness, on the contrary, I was awkward and mean to boys, unintentionally. 

I just went back to doing my homework, shaking off the comparison. 

-----

Later that night, I saw a message pop up in my texts which was weird because I usually mute everyone.

‘hey midterms are killing me and i dont understand anything... want ice cream?’ 

I tried not to laugh even though both my roommates were at the library. 

‘uhhh shouldnt u be studying if u dont understand anything?? mayb??’ 

‘LOL thats not how it works young padawan’ I rolled my eyes. He thinks he’s so much older than me. 

‘also I don’t eat ice cream, i don’t eat dairy’

‘... aight imma head out’ 

I snorted and tilted my head back in laughter. 

‘ok, no ice cream... what DO you like?’

You. I like you. 

... Definitely not sending that.

‘UMMM i like hot chocolate?’ 

‘okay, i’ll be at your dorm in 5. what is your room number again?’

‘303′ 

‘aight’ 

I looked down at short shorts and tank top and then at the harsh winds outside. I threw on a pair of cute leggings and a heavy sweater. I put on a black jacket over it and placed a beanie on my head. 

I did my brows and put on a few swipes of mascara. I carefully applied my lightly colored lip balm and sprayed face mist to look dewy and cute. 

Is this a date? Or is this just two friends being adventurous? 

Whatever, I want to look cute at least.

Seconds after I finish, I hear a knock at my door. I took a deep breath.

This isn’t a date. This isn’t a date. Calm down.

I opened the door. 

He was wearing a puffy jacket and dark black jeans that outlined his thigh muscles. Yum.

I also noticed he was wearing a gray beanie... which was identical to mine.

“Cute hat.” I noted. He grinned and tugged on my beanie. 

“Same goes for you. Ready for some hot chocolate?” 

“Yes, where are we going to get said chocolate caliente?” 

Jihoon gave me a weird look. “Chocolate what?” 

I stared at him, stunned. “Chocolate caliente. Caliente means hot in Spanish. Therefore, hot chocolate. You didn’t take Spanish in high school?” 

He shook his head. “Nope, I took Japanese because I’m a weeb.” I snorted. 

“Wow, I should be surprised but I’m not.” He pushed me playfully and I tried not to freak out over the warmth of his skin. 

“You’re telling me you don’t watch any anime?” 

I rolled my eyes. “Of course I watch some anime. But am I full blown weeb... no.” 

He narrowed his eyes at me. “I can change that, don’t worry.”

“You still didn’t tell me where we are going.” My fingers felt crisp from the cold air. It wasn’t snowing tonight, but the ground was still white. 

“Aha, we are going to my favorite cafe called ‘Pink Heart Cafe’. It is decked in pink hearts.” 

“As expected from a Pink Heart Cafe.” I joked. In the near distance, I noticed a sign that had a baby pink heart that wrote ‘Pink Heart Cafe’ in cute lettering. 

I crinkled my nose from the cold air. “What, you don’t like pink?” 

“No, no, I love the color pink actually. It’s just kinda cold out here.” He nodded. 

“Maybe it would be warmed if we held hands... maybe.” 

For the first time, I felt comfortable with someone’s flirtatious comment.

I smirked and hooked my hand with his. I felt my heart beater faster. Much faster. And I loved it. 

I saw him smile widely and hide it with his hair. 

“I’m a lucky guy.” He whispered. 

We walked into the cafe. 

“Hi! Welcome to Pink Heart Cafe, for here or to go?” 

“For here, please.” The woman nodded. 

“Please take a seat. We will come take your order soon.”

We took our seats in the corner, next to the pink fairy lights. I was in love with the aesthetic. 

“Cute place. And fancy it seems, they come take our order at the table.” I sang a bit of Twice’s Fancy. 

“Oh gosh, you love Twice?? Me too!” I shrugged nonchalantly. 

“I mean, I like them, their songs are cute and catchy but I’m not a diehard fan.” 

He frowned. I can change that too. 

I sighed and rolled my eyes dramatically. “Wow, it seems like there are a lot of things you want to change about me. What do you even like about me?” I teased. 

He smiled harder and I noticed a blush on his face. 

“Uhhh, that’s a good question. I like... I like how you’re honest with your emotions. I like how you’re good at photography. I like that you want to become an RA because of the money and--” I gasped and pushed him on the arm.

“That’s not the only reason! Yes... the pay is good, but I like helping people.” 

Our laughter died down as he gazed at me intensely. 

“You like helping people? Tell me more about that.” 

I paused. No one had asked me that before. 

“Um, no one’s asked me that before. I guess I just like to see people happy. I like appealing to people’s emotions and most times, I’m pretty good at making people like me.” I said honestly. I saw his face light up at my words. “And I also want to be a teacher after I graduate, so being an RA would help improve my social skills and teach me how to interact with those younger than me and work through their problems. I don’t know, people say it’s hard and that it can be tough if kids come to you with suicidal thoughts and feelings of anxiety and depression, but I mean, I just want to do it and give back to the community somehow... I don’t know. ” I mumbled off, feeling like I said too much.

His gaze was so serious, I was scared I bored him to death.

He leaned closer to me and I freaked out. I held my breath, waiting for what was next until he spoke. 

“You’re so awesome.” He finally said. 

That... that was surprising.

“Um, thanks?”

“I’m serious! That’s so amazing why you want to be an RA. Honestly, I took up this job because it pays well and I’m good at talking to people, but sometimes I couldn’t care less about my residents. I like how you’re so kind to people.”

I laughed, “I’m not that nice.” 

“Yeah right, you were nice to me the first time we met. And I could’ve been a creepy dude and I almost made you break your camera.” 

“Well, I was nice to you because you are a cute boy.” He choked on his drink at my blunt words. I grew shy all of a sudden and laughed with him. 

“Jesus, give a boy a warning before you say such words.” He was pink in the face and I felt my heart warm. 

“It’s true, you are attractive. But it is also true that I’m not nice. My roommate is irritating the heck out of me and I have to tell myself every time I talk to her to say nice things and not hurt her feelings ‘cause she’s so damn sensitive.” 

He paused for a moment. I was nervous he would think I was a bad person. Which... technically is what I’m trying to convince him of. 

“Wow, you just got ten times nicer.” Now it was my turn to choke on my drink. 

“What? I just told you I have to force myself to be nice to my roommate even though I just want to snap at her all the time.” 

Jihoon leaned back in his chair with a smug look on his face. “Exactly! Most people would’ve just called her a bitch and moved on! Moved out or from what I’ve seen, some girls do mean shit like throwing another girl’s clothes out of her closet or flirting with her boyfriend. You... you just be nice when someone is mean to you.”

“She’s not mean, just rubbing me the wrong way.” Jihoon rolled his eyes.

“See? You are still defending her even though I’m sure she’s putting you through more than other people would take.” 

I shrugged. “I don’t know, most people don’t take me seriously when I talk about it.” 

“Try me.” 

I hesitated at first, but when I saw his open and honest look, I spilled.

“Well, I’m quite an introverted person so I need my alone time. And when I told her, this was actually the night that I met you, um, I told her that I wanted to be alone. And then she invited people over to the room and yes, they left soon, but when I’m in my isolation mood, I just... I just don’t even want to look at people.” 

He stared at me with a curious look so I rambled on. “I know, it’s dumb-”

He placed a gentle hand on top of mine.

“No, that’s not dumb at all. She should’ve respected your words. I would be so mad. Give me more!” He pounded his fist on the table for dramatic effect. 

I felt my heart lighten when he wanted to hear more of my words. I was so used to people ignoring me and brushing over my concerns.

“Uh, well, just... well not just Naeun, my roommate, but some of my friends in the same dorm as me. They are just really judgmental and the negativity just pains me. I don’t like judging others before getting to know them, so hearing them talk bad about random people they don’t know just pains me. And I’m no saint, yes I judge people, but I make sure I talk to them first and get to know them before I make judgments.”

Jihoon smiled. “You keep getting better the more I get to know you. I do the same thing, my friends think I’m crazy when I say ‘hey that dude looks kinda mean and no one likes him, i’ll be friends with him’!” 

My eyes widened. “Oh my god, that’s how I met most of my friends!” 

We laughed as we bad mouthed our friends and the people who have hurt us. 

“Why do you stick with such crappy friends? No offense, you deserve so much better.” 

I shrugged. “I mean, everyone says that to me and truly, I don’t even know. I just feel so connected to them now and they have their good moments-”

“Good moments aren’t enough if they consistently hurt you.”

“I know, I know! I just... maybe I’m not that good of a person then if I stay with them. Like people say, you are who your friends are.” 

“That’s bull, you’re a good person, I know that. And your friends don’t even care to listen to you rant, I can tell I’m the first person you told all this stuff too because you have flames in your eyes. You deserve friends you can trust and are able to rant to. I promise.” 

I bit my lip, thinking of what to say. 

“Thank you, I guess I just think I am helping them by staying with them. I don’t want to hurt their feelings.” 

“Just know that you have me now, and if you ever need to rant or vent or whatever, I’m here for you. You have me now.” 

I felt a wave of emotion wash over me. No one’s ever said that to me before and meant it. I know he meant it, it was written all over his face. 

I nodded slowly, accepting the moment we were having. 

We sat in a moment of silence until the waiter came for the check.

I dug through my pockets to get out the ten dollar bill I stuffed in there. 

“Hah funny,” Jihoon chided when he whipped out his card before I could do anything. I gasped. 

“Ah, Jihoon, I brought money!” 

He tsked and stood when the waiter gave him his card back. “Yeah right, I’d never let a girl pay on the first date, that’s like... illegal.” I rolled my eyes, until I realized what he had just admit.

“Date?” I questioned carefully. 

He looked away from my gaze, like he didn’t mean to say the word. 

“Yes... date. Do you have a problem with that?” 

I grinned.

“Nope.”

#treasure #ygtb #yg treasure box #park jihoon #treasure scenarios #park jihoon scenarios #jihoon scenarios #ygtb scenarios #yg treasure box scenarios #treasure imagines #jihoon imagines #park jihoon imagines #... coming out of a hiatus for a bit? #dont expect any more stories from me tho... #i just wrote this when i was going thru a tough time #i needed to write for therapy #i contemplated a lot b4 posting thi #but my college life has been good and bad #/shrugs/ #idk man im just acting how i feel rn #i may delete later but who knows #ig feel free to send in asks if u rly want to #if anyone even cares abt my blog anymore LOL #this feels so weird to do again #update: i privated this story a while back but im angsty again so here u go

[windandwater]

Was tagged. I guess y’all STILL haven’t learned that I’m always going to be a snarky asshole no matter how much I like the person who tagged me.


Do you make your bed? Here comes the snark! What on earth does this mean. Do you mean daily? Weekly? Periodically? Only when I change my sheets? Why am I being asked to reveal my bed-making habits to the internet?? Anyway the answer is that when I wake up I pull everything up and make it look reasonably un-disastrous, but I re-do the whole thing periodically whenever my mattress topper goes completely wonky. This is the most boring and practical answer possible and I still don’t understand the point.

What’s your favorite number? 3. I was raised on fairy tales and I’m boring and also fuck numbers.

What’s your job? I make ebooks.

Can you parallel park? I can’t drive, so no.

A job you’ve had which would surprise people? My job history is buck wild but I think the most out of character one is that I briefly worked at my college’s fundraising office calling people for donations. I had horrible phone fear at the time (way worse than now) and it was exactly as terrible as it sounds, but it was one of the few jobs I could get without doing work study. I quit after a semester (my classes were getting really demanding and also, it sucked) but the next year I went back and did data entry for them for the rest of my time there, so it worked out.

Do you think aliens are real? Probably, but I don’t think they’ve visited our planet. I also think any that do exist are so far away that it’s doubtful we’ll ever meet them, at least in any of our lifetimes. I think it’s more likely we’ll go extinct first. Or only discover alien races that are already extinct.

Can you drive a manual? I! don’t! drive! It sucks! Cars are terrible! Someday there will be self-driving ones and I’ll be an old lady in the front seat like “haha suckers I knew if I waited long enough I wouldn’t have to do this terrible thing” and that’s my entire life plan!

What’s your guilty pleasure? Classic novels that are actually terrible, and internet/fandom drama that involves people being comically shitty. The former because I fully enjoy my own suffering, and the latter because the feeling of “well, at least I’m not involved in THAT SHIT, dAMN” never gets old even though I do feel like it’s probably not very healthy to spend too much time on it.

Tattoos? What about them?

Favorite color? WHY CAN’T I BELONG TO THE WHOLE WORLD

Things people do that drive you crazy? Force me to pick one thing or the other!!! Honestly I’m over it! You can like lots of things at once! Also I hate when people withhold important information from me that I need to know. And when they form opinions that aren’t based on data and refuse to hear otherwise, aka, vaccinate your fucking kids. Also if you stop at the top of the stairs I should be allowed to push you down them, and don’t you DARE do that on an escalator, that is how people get seriously injured, you absolute fucking monsters. Oh and also while we’re here, some BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER at work just asked me a question that I have answered approximately 892304902384 times and I have email receipts for it and I’m ready to walk my ass to Union Square and strangle her in person. I’m writing this while taking a whole ass breather so I don’t 1) do that, 2) attach every email I’ve ever sent her to my response, or 3) take a train to Battery Park and walk into the sea and not come out. So yeah that drives me crazy too. I hate being ignored! Repeatedly!

Any phobias? I don’t love crowds but I’m working on it. I have pretty severe driving anxiety (as I’ve alluded to) but I maintain that that’s completely rational and cars are terrible.

Favourite childhood sport? I played soccer for a while and that was awesome. I’ve also always loved swimming. But I do that shit for fun, I barely think of it as a sport.

Do you talk to yourself? Absolutely. I live alone and that’s one of the best parts.

What movies do you adore? How the fuck am I supposed to answer this in a really quick way when there is no one on earth who’s ever seen a movie who doesn’t have a really long list. What the fuck. Anyway I recently re-watched Ocean’s 8 because it was Valentine’s Day and I was really fucking cranky about being asked a lot of invasive questions and it really hit the spot. The next one I’m gonna watch is Detective Pikachu and I’m fully expecting to love it.

Do you like puzzles? What kind of puzzles? You’re gonna have to be more specific here. In general yes, and I especially like puzzle-based video games. I like things that are context, word or pattern-based and don’t involve like. math.

Favourite kind of music? WHY CAN’T I BELONG TO THE WHOLE WORLD

Tea or coffee? You’re only getting an answer on this one b/c I actively avoid coffee. I like herbal tea, coffee is strange and stupid to me, also I can’t have caffeine because it fucks up my anxiety. But just this once. And I’m watching you.

What’s the first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up?  An artist/lighthouse keeper.  I maintain that this would be an amazing job.

And xkcd agrees with me:

#ang does memes #angrily #adventures in text posts #do it if you wanna

[popwasabi]

How some stoners named “Harold & Kumar” made Asian Americans proud

Being Asian American can make you feel invisible at times or worst, the butt of every bad joke.

Sure, lots of Americans love Asian things like sushi, kung fu, anime, and tacky calligraphy tattoos that don’t mean what they say they mean but they don’t particularly care about having the people themselves present or even represented.

And typically when we are represented it tends to look like this.

Or this.

Or this.

(I said what I SAID!)

Now Asian Americans are not by any stretch the most marginalized or even the least represented people in the larger American cultural diaspora, but they’re fairly consistently forgotten or grossly stereotyped in our media regardless and this has larger consequences. Representation is important because it makes a people’s presence known to the larger majority.

Our pop culture has unfortunately played a role in erasing, appropriating, and misrepresenting Asian folk. An action movie may feature a white actor with extreme martial arts skills fighting in Hong Kong but might not have a single prominent Asian voice throughout the plot and those that do are typically gross caricatures. The Cyberpunk genre loves Asian aesthetics from its Tokyo inspired neon lighting, futurist cityscape, and ramen carts abound but boy, is the populace typically dominantly white.

(I love this movie but considering how many Asian things and aesthetic choices there are in it would it have killed Denis Villeneuve to have at least ONE background Asian person??)

It’s not shocking then that 2004’s stoner comedy classic “Harold & Kumar” starts with a pair of white dudes beginning their own adventure by leaving one of the titular heroes in the dust to do their dirty work because “Asians love math” or something. Despite not being a stoner, at the time at least, I related hard to this movie and its characters as the film touched on a number of triggers I had growing up.

2004 was a formative year for me as an Asian American. For the first time ever, my history classes were touching on Asian culture with discussions on Japanese feudalism which awakened a deep sense of pride I didn’t know I had at the time. I was watching NHK samurai dramas about Miyamoto Musashi and later the Shinsengumi which led to me begin training in kendo. Anime had suddenly become more mainstream with the premiere of Shonen Jump and pirated subtitled anime littering all of YouTube. But more importantly, and distressingly, I became more aware of my identity because it was increasingly getting called out as I was getting older.

I’ve been labeled a number of different pejoratives growing up through my teens.

“Nerd.”

“Weirdo.”

“Loser”

But none cut deeper than “Chinese boy.”

I’m not Chinese, of course, in fact I’m half white and half Japanese but try telling the various ignorant lunkheads I knew growing up to respect and differentiate between them all. Hell, better yet tell them I’m just as American as they are too.

Being labeled “Chinese” hit a very personal chord with me. To lots of Americans, unfortunately, we’re all “Chinese” and the various qualities that make each of our cultures unique are inconsequential to them. We AAPI’s all individually take a measure of pride in those unique qualities and to have it all sequestered under a blanket “Chinese” label was beyond insulting.

(And I don’t care what you tell me or how much you hate China’s government, this is a THOUSAND percent a dog whistle.)

For Asian Americans, there have been various ways one reacts to these insults. Some of course, who learned confidence at a younger age, would shrug it off or ignore it, some would outright resent it but for me at least it only made me dig my heels in deeper. Yeah, I’m Asian, so fuck you!

That energy is deep “Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle” as these two Asian American characters not only navigate a crazy night of searching for an open White Castle to satisfy their stoner cravings but also confront various microaggressions from outside and within the Asian community.

Harold, of course, struggles with his confidence. He can’t stand up for himself when the aforementioned two white bros from the start of the film saddle him with extra work. He laments doing the typical Asian thing of being too passive when confronted by authority. He can’t find the will to ask the girl next door out because again he sees himself as an impotent Asian guy unwilling to make the first move. The whole movie he struggles with his inner feelings because he’s been taught and programmed to a certain extent to be timid because that’s the Asian identity.

Meanwhile, Kumar’s character is about resisting conformity to those same stereotypes but in the worst ways. He co-opts black and hip-hop culture as seen in his messy apartment room. He fights his dad who is forcing him to take his doctor's exam, something he doesn’t want. Generational pressure is common in all cultures but it’s an entirely different animal when it comes to the Asian upbringing. Kumar embodies this resist from beginning to the end of the film and though he does decide to take the test, it’s important that he chooses to do it, not his dad, and certainly not because he’s Indian. He decides that choosing to be a great doctor doesn’t mean he is becoming a stereotype because his identity is not just about being Asian.

(Every Asian kid has heard their parent make an unintentional innuendo.)

Harold and Kumar’s differing approaches create a charming pair for the film to bounce off as Kumar’s brashness often lands them in trouble and Harold’s timid demure keeps them down in its own way and the two finally come together when Kumar learns to understand the difference between conformity and choice and Harold learns conformity doesn’t define him.

Both characters confront all kinds of microaggressions against their identity throughout the film. Cops making fun of their names. The extreme sports bros making every racist joke every Asian kid has every heard growing up at them. All Asian Americans have grown up wanting to deliver the perfect comeback or “fuck you” moment against these types of people and when our heroes triumph and put them all in their place there is undeniable catharsis as it happens for everyone who has seen this movie.

(Seriously, there isn’t a more satisfying good triumphing over evil moment in film for me than the conclusion of this particular plot.)

The movie confronts stereotypes in more ways than one though. Throughout the movie Harold and Kumar are confronted by a situation that makes them think it’ll go one direction but ends up (usually comedically) the opposite. Harold and Kumar try to hook up with two beautiful transfer students who turn out to have horrible bowel issues. Harold is reluctant to go to the Asian American club party because even he believes in his own ethnic stereotypes of them but it turns out it’s a banger of a party with plenty of weed to boot. Harold and Kumar are picked up by a lonesome, disfigured tow truck driver and are shocked to find he’s married to a beautiful woman. And the aforementioned extreme sports bros turn out to love cheesy pop music and romantic songs.

Basically, the whole movie is about giving a big middle finger to all our preconceived notions we have about identity and it's brilliant.

(Nothing wrong with cheesy pop music, of course.)

“Harold & Kumar” is great for other reasons too. John Cho and Kal Penn still play greatly off each other. There’s plenty of great one-liners sprinkled between each scene. The entire journey to find White Castle burgers in the middle of the night is a fairly genius premise for a stoner comedy still. And Neil Patrick Harris playing “himself” is still iconic.

Parts of the movie haven’t aged, well of course. There’s some bad gross-out humor, some lazy gay panic jokes and not to mention some sexist quips that don’t land well in 2020. Also, let’s just not talk about the sequels.

(I still find this scene amusing though.)

That said, “Harold & Kumar’s” first film in this munchie saga is not only a grade-A stoner flick but simply one of the best films ever when it comes to bringing that much needed representation of the time to Asian Americans. Watching Harold & Kumar stick it to their annoying white antagonists while delivering a “fuck you” to every racist joke I ever heard growing up is still cathartic as hell and made me feel proud to be Asian American during a turbulent time for myself growing up.

Though it’s not Masterpiece Theater by any stretch, Harold & Kumar will always hold a special place in my heart and remains forever “high” on my list of favorite movies of all-time.

Happy 4/20, y’all!

#harold and kumar #Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle #John Cho #Kal Penn #Asian American creative voices #asian american #aapi #Pacific Islander #4/20 #420 #weed #marijuana #getting high #movie #films #stoner #stoner films #big lebowski #Indian american #Japan #Korean American #Chinese #China #Asia #munchies #White Castle #Burgers #cheeseburgers #cyberpunk #Ghost in the Shell

[vexedtonightmares]

last dance (elu ballet au) chapter trois 

Lucas is in his final year at the Paris Opera Ballet School and he’ll be damned if he lets his former friend-turned-rival Eliott steal the lead role in their production of Swan Lake.

aka- lucas and eliott are rivals who are forced to room together for their final year of ballet school before they try to enter the company. we can all see where this is going.  

i. ii. iii.

ao3

Vendredi 17:00

Rehearsals finally ended for the week with a stern dismissal. It kind of sucked that they had hip hop as the last class of the day, because they were all dying by that point and nowhere near capable of executing their combinations to the standard they should. It was especially bad that week, as they were all a bit out of shape from spending their holidays slacking on training. No matter how much any of them had kept up with their training over the summer, nine hours of class five days a week with only an hour break in the middle was a whole different experience.

They had all begrudgingly accepted their criticism in class without complaint, knowing that the concerns were justified. Lucas didn’t care too much, especially because it was just hip hop. He loved the class normally, but with auditions looming he didn’t really want to think about anything other than ballet for the next week.

He was sure that he’d already clocked in more hours of extra practice time than anyone else, even though they’d all been there less than a week. Manon had chided him plenty, lecturing him on the importance of letting his body take the time to rest, but he wasn’t taking any chances this year. If he didn’t get the role of Prince Siegfried, it wasn’t going to be from a lack of work.

He tried to blink the thought away, not even allowing himself to consider that he might not get the role. Obviously, it was a large possibility, but it wouldn’t help his confidence if he went in feeling defeated. He had to go into the next week and into the audition like he’d already secured the role, and everything else was just a formality. It was what people like Eliott and Manon would be doing, anyway.

He noticed the way the other girls in the year grimaced at Manon during class, knowing that the role of Odette was hers alone. At least, Lucas supposed, he had some chance at getting the role he desired. He didn’t think the role of the Prince was as set in stone as Odette. Then again, he could just be fooling himself.

He packed up his things as quickly as possible to head to studio three, the room he’d reserved for extra practice that night. He’d asked Manon to join him so they could practice partnering as well, and, thankfully, she’d agreed.

She was already there when he arrived, sitting on the floor and pinning her hair back into a bun. “Long time no see,” she said with a raised eyebrow.

He smirked in return. “You do what you’ve got to do…”

“Oh, Lucas, come on now. You seriously don’t need to be worrying so much. Everyone can see how much you’ve improved over the past year and a half, you’re a shoo-in for a lead role,” she tried to reassure him as he sat beside her.

“That’s just it, Manon. I don’t want a lead role, I want the lead role. This is the only role that’s ever really mattered to me.” He didn’t know how to accurately explain his feelings, his yearning. This wasn’t just another show for him. Even though they weren’t even in a company yet, this would probably be an experience he remembered for the rest of his career, and he wanted it to be a good memory.

She didn’t respond, just grabbed his hand and squeezed it once. It was nice to not have to communicate with her through words sometimes. There wasn’t really anyone else he could do that with, not even Yann. She released his hand as her phone buzzed and she looked at it, blush spreading across her cheeks.

Lucas cleared his throat pointedly and she looked up with wide, falsey innocent eyes. “Who is it?” he prompted, wiggling his eyebrows. “Charles?”

Charles had been one of the stars of the class a year ahead of them, along with Lucille. Lucas had always suspected he and Manon had gotten close, so to speak, during Nutcracker rehearsals, but then he’d gone off to be a part of the Royal Ballet company in London, and she’d never confirmed or denied their relationship.

“No,” she said with a scoff, returning her attention to her phone.

“Then…?” he inquired slowly, stretching out the word.

She took a moment to type, then set her phone face down inside her bag. “It’s nothing.” Lucas raised his eyebrows, not entirely convinced. “Seriously,” she added, rolling her eyes.

“Sure.”

“Sure,” she mocked, sticking out her tongue childishly. “What about you, any hot guys catching your eye recently? Are you seeing Charles?” she asked with a faux gasp, hardly containing her laughter.

“Hilarious, Manon, truly,” he deadpanned, avoiding her question. It was no secret that he was gay, and it was also no secret, at least to everyone who knew him well, that he had never dated anyone before. Sure, he’d kissed a few people at a few parties in the past, but none of them were worth remembering or pursuing beyond those nights. Actually, his longest relationship might have been with Chloé when they were thirteen. He cringed when he thought back on it. He’d been at the height of his repression of his sexuality and she’d been cute and nice, and he thought, maybe it could work with someone like her.

They went on one awkward date to the cinema, not knowing if they should hold hands or kiss or what. The night had ended by them both coming back to school, Chloé giving him a small kiss, and him blurting out that he was gay right to her face. It was a wonder she was still friendly with him. Thankfully, she’d kept his words a secret until he’d been ready to tell everyone, one reason he’d always have a soft spot for her, complicated history or not. He’d probably have reacted much worse had their situations been reversed.

To answer Manon’s question simply, no. He didn’t ever really have the time to think about romance, and had even less now. “Yes,” he told her, “I have one, actually.”

“Oh?” she prompted excitedly. “Who?”

“Prince Siegfried.”

She rolled her eyes again. “You are impossible.”

“Thank you,” he grinned, standing up and holding out a hand. She grabbed onto it reluctantly and allowed herself to be pulled up from the ground. “Now, we practice.”

“Now, we practice,” she repeated, rolling out her shoulders and facing the mirror, focused. He moved behind her and allowed her a few moments to prepare, a few relevés, a few practice pirouettes and balances in retiré before he grabbed her hands and began spinning her, moving his hands to her waist as she spun around.

And around.

And around.

And around.

And around.

Samedi 13:42   

The door to Lucas’ suite was, fortunately and unfortunately, unlocked when he returned to his room after practicing on his own for most of the morning. The unfortunate part was that this meant Eliott was in the room, the fortunate part was that he’d accidentally forgotten his room key that morning before he’d left. He couldn’t imagine the embarrassment of having to go to the director to ask to be let back into his room.

Eliott was sitting in the living room when he entered, fully focused on whatever work he was doing on his laptop. Shit. Lucas realized he must have been doing their general schoolwork, math, literature, biology, the like. All of their courses were taught online, so they could pace themselves individually, but there were still assignments due at the end of every week, Saturday nights.

Lucas had been so caught up on practicing for his audition that he’d forgotten about this work, forgotten that he wouldn’t even be allowed to audition if he was behind on his work. Fuck. Hopefully there weren’t many assignments, given that it was the first week back, but Lucas wasn’t holding his breath.

“I was worried you’d forget about our actual schoolwork.” Eliott’s voice was soft enough that Lucas hadn’t realized he was being addressed at first. Lucas paused where he stood at the counter, washing out his water bottle.

“You weren’t hoping I’d forget so I wasn’t eligible to audition for the show?” Lucas shot back.

Eliott actually looked up from his work as if stunned Lucas had responded. Apparently he’d been doing a better job ignoring Eliott throughout the week than he’d thought. “I’m not worried about auditions,” Eliott responded breezily, making Lucas’ blood boil. Of course he wasn’t worried, he thought the role would just be handed to him, like everything else in his life.

“Maybe you should be.” Lucas shut the sink off harshly, picking his bag up off the floor and bringing it into his room, slamming the door shut before Eliott had a chance to respond. He threw his bag to the floor, annoyed at how easily he always allowed Eliott to get under his skin.

He opened his laptop and blasted his music through his headphones, drowning out any possibility of distraction so he could get his work done and possibly return to the studio later that night for extra rehearsal time. He still didn’t have the solo audition piece completely memorized, and he only had about a week left to perfect it.

Thankfully, there were only three lesson videos for him to watch, each one requiring the completion of an assignment to go along with it. Straightforward enough.

Lucas got to work, taking notes as he went, finding that he was actually interested in some of the material they were learning. Weirdly enough, he’d always been drawn to science, and he was quite good at it. Maybe in another life he wasn’t a dancer, but a normal high school student studying science. It was almost laughable for him to think of himself as anything other than a dancer, but maybe a universe existed where it wasn’t such an odd concept.

He finished the work just in time, submitting the assignments ten minutes before the online due date, cursing himself for forgetting to do them earlier in the week. As a reward for himself, he watched a few episodes of a tv show he was into at the moment, forgetting for a minute that the time he spent watching tv probably should have been spent in the studio.

By the time he emerged from his bedroom to use the bathroom, he had assumed Eliott would already be in his room or asleep. No such luck, he realized, seeing Eliott sitting on the couch and scribbling into a notebook. Lucas couldn’t tell exactly what he was doing, but Eliott had always loved drawing as a kid, so maybe it was a habit he’d maintained.

Eliott poked his head up from what he was doing when Lucas exited the bathroom, shutting the notebook gently. “What’s up?”

Lucas looked behind him to see if maybe Sofiane had walked in and he just hadn’t noticed. He heard Eliott laugh softly. “Lucas? Are you ok?”

“You were talking to me?” Lucas asked slowly, still not convinced. What about any of their interactions over the past eight years had told Eliott they were at the ‘casual conversations’ stage of a friendship? Or even at any stage of a friendship?

“Who else would I be talking to?” Eliott asked, cocking his head to the side, his tangled mess of hair somehow still defying gravity. Lucas shrugged and continued walking back to his room. “Wait,” Eliott said, “You’re not going to eat?”

“I already did,” Lucas said, not turning around. He felt a hand grab his arm and turn him around, stunned a moment to be so close to Eliott, who was looking at him intensely. “I made dinner,” Eliott said.

Lucas scrunched up his face in confusion. “And? I ate before I came back from the studio with Manon.” He wrenched his arm from Eliott’s grip but didn’t move any further, wanting an explanation for the weird parental behavior.

Eliott looked away somewhat shyly. “I… I’m just trying to be a good roommate.” The words came out clumsily, as if they hadn’t been what he really wanted to say.

“A good roommate,” Lucas repeated.

Eliott didn’t say anything, looking at the ground, then back up at Lucas. The look in his eyes was unreadable, but familiar at the same time. It sort of felt like Eliott was able to see right through Lucas and he didn’t know how far he could go before he ended up pushing too far. Lucas hated it, this familiarity. There should have been no familiarity left between them.

“I was Arthur’s roommate for years, you know,” Eliott said at last.

Lucas didn’t know why this was relevant. “Ok?”

“Arthur talked about his friends sometimes,” Eliott continued, “And you’re one of his friends.”

“Are you really still trying to, what, psych me out? Tell me you know my weaknesses or something? Cool, Arthur talked about me. He never talked about you to me, if that’s what you want to hear.” Lucas raised his eyebrows incredulously as Eliott rolled his eyes. “I haven’t given a shit about your daily habits in eight years, and neither have you, so why pretend now?”

It wasn’t strictly true, Lucas had cared a bit too much for a bit too long, but Eliott didn’t need to know that. “You know what? Fine. If this is what we’re going to do, how we’re going to live, fine. Excuse me for trying.” Eliott raised his hands in surrender, stalking away to his bedroom. Just before he closed the door, he added, “But just so you’re aware, I’m not going to pretend I don’t notice.”

Notice what? Lucas would have asked had Eliott not slammed the door shut in a manner similar to the way Lucas generally did. He hadn’t realized how harsh it could be from the other side. Whatever, if anyone deserved it, it was Eliott.

Lundi 13:14

Lucas had spent the rest of the weekend alternating between time in the studio and time working ahead on assignments so he didn’t have to worry about them with the stress of auditions on Friday and result postings Saturday.

When he’d woken for his run that morning Eliott had been up again, but this time he hadn’t bothered Lucas about what he was doing, or even spoken to him. In fact, they hadn’t spoken to each other since Saturday night, and Lucas couldn’t be more glad. Maybe Eliott would just let them drift through the year in uncomfortable silence. It wasn’t great, but it was a hell of a lot better than Eliott trying to be a ‘good roommate’.

Yann, Arthur, and Lucas were off campus for their lunch hour that day, making their way to one of Yann’s favorite cafés. Lucas hadn’t wanted to leave, but the boys convinced him to because Basile would be on his lunch break as well, able to meet up with them.

“Hey! Gang high five!” Basile said by way of greeting when the three of them entered the cafe. None of them obliged him, as per usual, and Basile sat back down with a defeated grimace. Lucas wasn’t entirely certain how Basile had become a part of their friend group, but one day he had just sort of started showing up more often and they found they mostly enjoyed his company. He was a nice break from the constant pressure of the ballet world.

“What’s up at ballet school?” Basile asked, shoveling food into his mouth like he’d been starving for years.

Yann shrugged. “Nothing much, ballet this, ballet that.”

“Fascinating,” Basile nodded, breaking into laughter.

Lucas frowned. “Nothing much? Tell that to my callouses. I’ve been in the studio nonstop.”

“Ah,” Arthur chimed in, pointing at Lucas with his fork, “That’s because you’re crazy.”

“I am not,” Lucas said defensively, looking at Yann for backup. Yann merely bit his lip, holding back a smile. Lucas scoffed, slapping Yann on the arm. “Et tu, Brute? I’m just trying to be prepared for auditions.”

“Lucas, I say this with love, but I don’t think working yourself to death is going to do you any favors when you pass out from exhaustion in the middle of auditions,” Yann said matter-of-factly.

Lucas huffed, crossing his arms. “I will not pass out from exhaustion. I sleep.”

“Do you though?” Arthur asked knowingly, and maybe he had a point. It wasn’t from a lack of trying. He’d actually been trying to get to sleep earlier to be well rested for practices, but his brain had other ideas. It wasn’t something he could just will away, as much as he wanted to.

“Yeah, dude, I didn’t want to say anything, but I could probably see your under eye bags from Mars,” Basile added hesitantly. Lucas shoved his food away angrily. “I didn’t come here for you to all gang up on me,” he fumed, knowing their worries were probably justified, but still being too stubborn to admit it.

Basile threw his hands up in surrender. “I just call it like I see it.”

“Whatever,” Lucas sighed dejectedly, stabbing a piece of lettuce with his fork angrily. Yann and Arthur exchanged a look, the latter clearing his throat. “So, Baz, how’s non-ballet school?”

Basile shrugged, speaking with his mouth full. “Same old, same old. Oh, but get this, Alexia transferred out of the ballet school!”

“Uh, yeah, Baz, we’re aware. We kinda noticed she was missing this year,” Arthur pointed out.

Basile frowned. “Oh yeah. Well, she’s hosting a party Saturday night if you’re all interested. I think she already told the girls about it. Maybe Daphné will come,” he added, hopefully.

“We are definitely interested,” Arthur responded immediately, “How much booze?”

Basile laughed, “It’s Alexia, I’m sure we’ll be covered.”

Arthur raised his fingers to his lips in an imitation of a chef’s kiss. “Excellent! You guys in?” he asked Yann and Lucas.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Yann said, high fiving Arthur, much to Basile’s dismay. They all turned to Lucas expectantly. He folded in on himself a bit, twisting his lips uncertainly.

“I don’t know…”

“Come on, Lulu,” Arthur pleaded, giving Lucas his biggest, poutiest expression. Lucas wouldn’t be swayed so easily. “The casting comes out that night, I won’t be much fun anyways, I’ll be too stressed,” he argued.

“Fair,” Yann agreed, “But what kind of best friend would I be if I let you wallow in anxiety, alone, with only Eliott for company?”

Yann had a point.

“Woah, woah, woah, Eliott? That douche Arthur rooms with?” Basile cut in.

“He’s not a douche,” Arthur said, ignoring Lucas’ glare.

“Yes he is,” Lucas corrected.

Arthur sighed. “He’s not a douche to me. But yes, that Eliott.”

Basile gestured for Arthur to carry on, still clearly not understanding the full picture. Arthur continued, “Room assignments got switched up this year, Lulu got stuck with his arch-nemesis and I got Yann and Sofiane. It’s gone about as well as you’d expect.”

“Nah,” Yann chimed in thoughtfully, “I was betting Lucas would have killed him by now.”

“I’ve come close,” Lucas mumbled under his breath, quiet enough that his friends couldn’t hear. He knew that they thought his rivalry with Eliott was ridiculous. Even Yann, who knew most of the details of their friendship and had to deal with the aftermath. He knew it was annoying to them, it was annoying to him too, but as long as Eliott was there, he was problem number one on Lucas’ mind. Not wanting to subject Yann and Arthur to another rant about Eliott he said, “Fine. I’ll go to the party.”

Basile lit up. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Really, really?” Arthur confirmed.

“Really, really.”

Yann, Basile, and Arthur cheered, earning them glares from an elderly woman sitting a few tables over. “This is going to be the best night ever!” Arthur promised, and Lucas hoped he was right, but for a different reason.

Just because he was going to a party, it didn’t mean he wouldn’t be checking his emails obsessively for the cast list. Hopefully he’d have something to celebrate but, if not, at least he’s have an excuse to drown his sorrows.

#skam france #elu fic #elu ballet au #lucas lallemant #eliott demaury

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WHAT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ABOUT JANUARY

In January 1995, we and a couple friends started a company called Artix. The forum troll I have by now internalized doesn't even know where to begin in raising objections to this project. Unfortunately picking winners is harder than that. They certainly delivered. As it turns out, VC-backed startups are not that fearsome. In the other languages mentioned in this talk—Fortran, C, Java, and Visual Basic—it is not clear whether you can actually get work done. One difference I've noticed between great hackers and smart people in general is that hackers are more politically incorrect. College trained one to be a member of the professional classes.1 But as knowledge has grown more specialized, there are more points on the curve, and the inexorable progress of hardware would solve your problems. Maybe it's a bad idea for a company.

Whoever controls the device sets the terms. But as long as it's possible to detect bias whether those doing the selecting want them to or not.2 Of all the great programmers he wanted. Apparently when Robert first met him, Trevor had just begun a new scheme for micropayments?3 A symbol type.4 Feel free to make it big.5 If any incompatibility arises, you can be wise without being very smart. Lisp function and show that it is. It's very common for a group of founders to go through one lame idea before realizing that a startup will make it big. To some extent this was because the companies themselves had become sclerotic. Bill Gates started either.6

But rather the erosion of forces that had been pushing us together were an anomaly, a one-time combination of circumstances that's unlikely to be repeated—and indeed, that we would not want to repeat. They certainly delivered. Most of our educational traditions aim at wisdom.7 So we ditched Artix and started a new company led boldly into the future of hardware, users would follow. Microsoft shows, revenue is a lagging indicator in the technology business. And I was a Reddit user when the opposite happened there, and sitting in a coma at their desk, pretending to work.8 It seems reasonable to suppose the newest one will too.9

I might into Harvard Square or University Ave in the physical world.10 And open and good is what Macs are again, finally.11 As for libraries, their importance also depends on the application. Great hackers think of it as a book.12 Or more precisely, in Trevor's office. The technology companies are right.13 This summer, as an experiment, and an experiment in a very young field. Back in the days of fanfold, there was a correct decision in every situation, and if you couldn't switch ladders, promotion on this one was the only way to read them. But when I went looking for alternatives to fill this void, I found practically nothing.14

Besides which, art dealers are the most extreme form of fluff. They get smart people to write 99% of your code, but still keep them almost as insulated from users as they would be able to say who cares what investors think? I don't know how you'd run such a class in practice. A lot of the obstacles to ongoing diagnosis will come from the fact that the best ideas look initially like bad ideas. But ITA made it interesting by redefining the problem in a more ambitious way. Note too that Cisco is famous for doing very little product development in house. Meaning that unpleasant work pays. Most of the stuff I accumulated was worthless, because I think we can now call a startup: having brilliant people do work in which people have to invent anything.15 They have a sofa they can take a nap on when they feel the same way that not drinking anything would teach you how much you depend on water. Startups are that constrained for talent. Some switched from meat loaf to tofu, and others by playing zero-sum games.

The core of ITA's application is a 200,000 line Common Lisp program that searches many orders of magnitude more possibilities than their competitors, who apparently are still using mainframe-era programming techniques. Most of our educational traditions aim at wisdom. This is the kind of people it wants. And if we don't, the US could be seriously fucked. Cancer will show up on some sort of radar screen immediately. Microsoft seems resigned to, there will be no more great new stuff beyond whatever's currently in the pipeline. I'm so optimistic about HN. Books are more like a fluid than individual objects.16 And the use of these special, reserved field names, especially __call__, seems a bit of a hack. Perhaps the absent-minded professor is wise in his way, or wiser than he seems, but he's not wise in the way Confucius or Socrates wanted people to be.17

You can only do that if you want to really understand Lisp, or just expand your programming horizons, I would learn more about macros. Not quite so dominant as it had been. The importance of the first varies depending on whether you have control over the whole system and have the source code of all the things we could do, is this going to make it something that they themselves use.18 When we started Artix, I was still ambivalent about business. But it's all based on one unspoken assumption, and that means it has to be open and good is what Macs are again, finally. There are few corporations in which it would be suggested that executive salaries are at a maximum. Stuff used to be valuable, and now it's not. The reason the expected value is so high is web services. But for someone at the top, but unless taxes are high enough to discourage people from creating wealth, certainly.19 Symbols are effectively pointers to strings stored in a hash table. Considering how basic a red circle is, it is no surprise that the pointy-haired bosses.

Notes

The founders want the valuation is fixed at the command of the leading edge of technology. This was certainly true in the 1980s was enabled by a big VC firm wants to see it in the usual standards for truth. However, it often means the right thing. The solution is to the margin for error.

In principle you might be interested in each type of thinking, but sword thrusts.

Founders weren't celebrated in the future as barbaric, but at least once for that they don't have to track ratios by time of day, thirty years later. You also have to do it. Which is also a good idea to make people use common sense when interpreting it.

The liking you have the least experience creating it.

There are lots of search engines. Particularly since many causes of the latter.

Which OS? Com. Maybe at first you make money, in the category of people starting normal companies too.

To say anything meaningful about income trends, you won't be demoralized if they seem to have the balls to ask prospective employees if they used FreeBSD and stored their data in files too.

Obvious is an instance of a heuristic for detecting whether you realize it till I started using it out of the web.

In the early empire the price of an official authority makes all the investors agree, and this trick works so well.

The First Two Hundred Years. Org Worrying that Y Combinator to increase it, because they know you'll have to be doctors? There are many senses of the world you'd want to avoid collisions in.

But I think this is to do is form a union and renegotiate all the worse if you're measuring usage you need a meeting, then you're being starved, not because Delicious users are stupid.

So as a rule of thumb, the Patek Philippe 10 Day Tourbillon, is a good way to be secretive, because the publishers exert so much better than the don't-be poets were mistaken to be, and the Imagination by Hilbert and Cohn-Vossen. This was partly confidence, and why it's next to impossible to write great software in Lisp. Most were wrong, but except for money.

Delicious that had been with us he would have been; a vogue for conglomerates in the sale of products, because they suit investors' interests. Plus ca change. Donald J.

To get a low valuation, that you can't easily get a good open-source projects now that VCs may begin to conserve board seats for shorter periods. Bureaucrats manage to think of it, by Courant and Robbins; Geometry and the leading scholars of that. The existence of people like numbers.

It's like the application of math to real problems, and on the aspect they see of piracy is simply what they said. PR firm admittedly the best case. Miyazaki, Ichisada Conrad Schirokauer trans. When I talk about humans being meant or designed to live a certain threshold.

We have no trouble getting hired by these companies substitute progress for revenue growth with retained earnings was one firm that wanted to have them soon. Perhaps it would not be true that being part of your identity. The philosophers whose works they cover would be investors who say no to science as well.

By all means crack down on these. Acquisitions fall into in the former.

Particularly since many causes of the fake.

On the other meanings. Many of these titles vary too much to suggest that we don't have to talk to corp dev guys should be working to help SCO sue them.

#automatically generated text #Markov chains #Paul Graham #Python #Patrick Mooney #objections #money #thrusts #Combinator #pays #liking #things #Patek #sup #ideas #technology #work #principle #application #identity #Gates #screen #part #Delicious #thinking #li #Confucius #numbers #hardware

[iheartseo]

MASSIVE DISCLAIMER: THIS IS ALL BASED ON MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AND WHAT I FOUND HELPFUL !!! KTHNXS ✨

hello honey! I just finished my first year at my new uni doing my new degree and I am honestly so happy about the results I am currently getting compared to what I was getting last year. so I decided to write this little post in order to help those who are going into their first year of university/college or those who just wanna change their mindset.

just a very quick story time: last year was my first REAL year at a university and being fresh outta high school, I was extremely excited about studying the subjects I wanted to study and ready to make new friends etc. etc. However, I realised right after semester 1, that I was in way over my head and it most definitely did NOT help that my dumbass was in a horrible mindset and was not mentally mature for university and the social life of university. Due to this, as well as my quick declining interest and motivation to study, I pretty much bombed out and failed my entire first year of university. And when I said I failed my first year, I’m talking I completely failed and I knew I had failed by semester 2 and so I decided not to do my semester 2 final exams cause what’s the point?

that mindset honestly, was one of the worst I have ever been and my anxiety honestly has never been so high and I would not relive those moments ever again. so here are 10 tips and some advice on how to survive your first year of university/college and hopefully you guys will have a better 1st year experience than I did. ♡

TIP #1: GROW OUT OF YOUR HIGH SCHOOL MENTALITY (it will be an ongoing journey even past your first year of uni tbh)

not gonna lie, the second you tell someone that you are 18 years old and that you are in university, everyone suddenly expects you to be an adult and have your shit together and to have suddenly matured out of your high school mentality and that your break between your high school graduation and your first few months at university, you are expected to have mentally matured by like 20 years or some shit. yes, it is strongly advised that you get out of your high school mentality and yes it is strongly advised that you have to grow the fuck up once you get into university.

however, you should not force yourself to grow up. university will most definitely throw things your way that will completely change and shape the person you will just eventually grow to be. 

TIP #2: ACTUALLY GO AND ATTEND YOUR UNIS/COLLEGES OPEN DAYS OR INFORMATION DAYS. JUST VISIT YOUR DAMN SCHOOLS.

my ACTUAL first year of uni, I was accepted into one of Australia’s top universities on a scholarship for a double degree course. So you can imagine the amount of pressure and hard work that was needed to be put in for me to even stay at this school. When I got accepted, it wasn’t like I didn’t know that it was going to be hard. But I personally never expected for it to be as hard as it was on me both academically and socially.

At first, I liked my course, but I am personally one of those people who thrive off of whatever environment that I am put into so if I am placed into a uni where the environment is highly toxic and almost everyone is a harsh competing rival, I won’t put in the effort. But if I am in an environment that is much more relaxed and opened, but is still willing to push me to work harder, I will actually try. But some people are able to work in incredibly harsh and competitive environments and are able to handle snobby people, I personally couldn’t at my first university which is why I transferred to the uni I am currently attending.

ABSOLUTELY NO HATE OR SHADE TO MY FIRST UNIVERSITY. IT IS TRULY A GREAT UNI. My sister went to my first uni and she absolutely loved it, but everyone has a different uni experience and sadly, I didn’t enjoy it. So I most definitely recommend researching about the schools you are thinking about attending and it would really benefit you if you personally went to visit the school yourself. If you can see yourself being happy there, if you can see yourself enjoying the environment, if you can genuinely say you like the school, go to that school. Because there is honestly no point on attending a university just for the name and the title and you don’t even like going the damn library that is on campus. 

TIP #3: TRY AND STUDY SOMETHING YOU ACTUALLY LIKE

this tip is very hard and I honestly shouldn’t be saying it? But like hear me out. My belief is that if you are studying something you genuinely enjoy, you will actually study for it. Or at least that mentality definitely applies to me. I was studying a Bachelor of Science and a Bachelor of Arts together last year. My majors were Psychology and Economics. AS MUCH AS I LOVED PSYCH, STUDYING ECONOMICS WAS A BITCH.

I personally fucken hated studying Economics and with that, I also had to study Maths as a subject under my science degree, which I also personally hated. No matter how much I tried and listened in my lectures, I could honestly never get the material and it was so disheartening to me that I couldn’t understand. Granted, I was dumb and didn’t check my classes (which I will discuss in my next tip), and I knew that university classes were going to be 100 times harder than the shit I got in high school, but that didn’t escape the fact that it was so disheartening that I wasn’t able to understand the material.

That lead me to slowly and simply not caring about what it was that I was studying and learning. I didn’t care anymore about my degree. I was so unhappy with what I was studying that I would spend more time going out and partying than actually trying to get even a Pass. Nothing wrong with having fun, but I prioritized partying over studying, which is not good.

Now I am doing an Education degree and I am so much happier! I genuinely like studying what I am studying. I even actively listen to my lectures online and take notes as if I was physically attending the lecture myself (and most students don’t even bother listening to online lectures). I even stay back after all of my classes are done to catch up with anything I have missed or get ahead of my classes. I seriously like what I am studying. Sure, I lose motivation from time to time, but I am studying way more now than I did a year ago.

BUT REMEMBER. IT IS OKAY NOT TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO STUDY. THERE ARE KIDS IN THEIR 4TH YEAR WHO STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT TO STUDY. Finding something that genuinely makes you happy and makes you want to work hard for it is hard to find, but it is so worth it once you do. So be smart with what you pick and choose.

TIP #4: CHECK UP AND RESEARCH ABOUT YOUR CLASSES

If you are lucky enough to pick and choose your individual classes, please for the love of god, research about them! look up your classes! read your damn unit guide! do not pick a class cause it sounds cool and fuck yourself over by not reading the prerequisites or not reading the amount of assignments related to that class.

I was dumb and did not read up on my classes nor did I research about them fully my first year. I honestly just read their mini blurb and went off my merry way which fucked me over so bad because I did not personally understand the actual contents of each one of my classes. 

literally find your class unit guide or class information online, look into what assignments have been done in the past, what kind of weightings they each have and read the stuff that you are suppose to learn even if you just get a simple Pass in the class. the more you look into a class, the better understanding you will get of what that class actually provides.

also, majority of the time, you can see what textbooks are needed so you can grab them off before the semester even properly starts. 

just as a little side tip

TIP #4.5: If you can literally pick and choose what your time table looks like, DO NOT FUCKEN GIVE YOURSELF 3-4 HOUR BREAKS BETWEEN YOUR CLASSES. You are lying to yourself when you say that you are going to be studying in those long ass breaks, like shut up. no. don’t do that to yourself.

TIP #5: DO NOT BUY YOUR TEXTBOOKS (if possible)

for the love of god, DO. NOT. BUY. YOUR. “MANDATORY”. TEXTBOOKS. it is a waste of money. you are blowing $200 minimum for a damn paper weight. I am not even kidding. I never have purchased a textbook and I never will unless that textbook is nowhere else to be found.

Be smart about your textbooks. If you are able to find a copy of your textbook in the library, BORROW THAT SHIT IMMEDIATELY. my university lets us borrow copies of books for like 16 weeks at a time and my semesters last for at least 13, so it is enough to class me throughout all of class. your universities should have multiple copies of whatever textbook that you need for class. even if the library copy is a few editions older, it does not matter, the content is still the same. It is not worth forking out $200-$500 for a couple of extra pages.

If you can’t borrow a copy from the library, try and find it online. There are some generous people out there who have uploaded a free full copy of the book somewhere. If you can’t find it online, borrow a friends copy and photocopy that shit like crazy. You might end up paying like $50 worth of paper but 50 is better than 200.

AND IF YOU SERIOUSLY CANT DO THAT, go onto slugbooks.com to get your textbooks. I personally haven’t used that website myself, but I hear it’s pretty fucken good to get textbooks.

TIP #6: JOIN A CLUB/SOCIETY/FRAT/SORORITY ETC.

for your first year of uni/college, just join something. there is deadset something for everyone. you do not need to join greek life if you personally do not want to. i didn’t join greek life cause australia doesn’t really have that kind of shit.

if you like debating, there is a debating club. if you like drama, 10000% there is a drama club. if you are a strong LGBTQ+ ally or are apart of that group and you wanna meet queer people, 1000000000000% there is a club for that. i’m not even kidding you, at my first university there was a damn memes society and a quidditch society. you will most definitely find something that will interest you.

if you aren’t a big fan of clubs, that is fine. i just would personally recommend joining one so you can make friends more easily and it’s sort of like a little bit away from your studies. it’s something fun for you to enjoy and you get to meet some incredible people along the way. I am apart of VSA (Vietnamese Student Association) and I have done SOOO many things all the way to modelling, charity events, partying and planning out major events etc. all whilst meeting some new people and creating friendships.

TIP #7: LEARN WHAT TO PRIORITISE

I feel like this should be a no brainer but it is important. It is okay to have fun whilst you are at uni but it is not good nor is it smart to throw away a perfectly good education that you are paying hundreds and thousands of dollars for.

if you have a party on Saturday and an essay due on Sunday, do not go to the party. I know that there is some people who pull all nighters to finish off an assignment or to study for an exam, I am extremely guilty of that. However, that does not mean I will sacrifice one extra day of studying for a party.

this is where you have to be an adult and understand how you, yourself study the best and how you retain information the best and if you need an extra couple of days, skip out on some parties and reschedule those lunch dates and dinner dates. your friends will understand and will not judge you for wanting to studying. if your friends do judge you for wanting an education, then you should drop them.

TIP #8: LEARN TO REFERENCE

I cannot stress how important referencing is in university. That shit is an absolute fucken bitch and it does not help that there are like 5 different styles or some shit. But it is important that you learn how to reference correctly because you will lose marks for not doing it correctly and some professors/tutors are just straight assholes and will deduct like 10 marks cause you aren’t using the correct referencing style for the class.

in my experience, for first year anyway, they will teach you how to reference in your tutorials so you get the general gist of what to do and how to do it. I learnt how to reference in APA format in high school, so I am fine, but I know not alot of people learn it that early and first hear about referencing once they get to uni. so learning to reference is a big thing. a lot of my tutors recommended me installing EndNote which does the referencing for you. I personally just let Word do it for me. If you go into your Word and find ‘Document Elements’ (for Mac),  click on ‘Manage’ in the References section and a citations list will pop up. Click on the plus sign in the bottom left hand corner and just literally fill out the form and you are done.

OR IF YOU ARE A WINDOWS USER, just go to the ‘References’ tab and click ‘Insert Citation’ and then click ‘Add New Source’ then fill out the form. Then you are literally done. You basically have corrected did in-text citations within your essay along to whatever format is needed. *The only shitty thing about this method is that it will only automatically do in-text citations, not footnoting. Footnoting you will have to insert manually yourself*

After you finished with all of your citations, just click on ‘Bibliography’ and put in in as ‘Works Cited’ and literally your ENTIRE reference list will be organised into alphabetical order for you.

TIP #9: GET A CALENDAR OR DIARY

whether that shit is digital or physical, start using one. it is honestly so helpful to know when you have got assignments and exams coming up and you can kinda start planning out when is a good time to start researching or studying etc. etc.

it seems like such a small thing, but it works so well. I personally just use the iPhone calendars app and make sure it reminds me at least like a week or 2 ahead of the actual due date so I know that it’s coming up.

i also highly recommend that once you read your unit guide/class information sheet, that you write down ALL of your assignments, when they are due and how much do they weigh into your calendar/diary. because then you have no excuse to say that you never knew about it and yet you wrote it down. it also just helps you to be productive and work around/add in other dates like outings with friends into your schedule. 

TIP #10: IT IS OKAY TO FAIL

I feel like there is such an extremely high expectation to pass every single one of your class with amazing grades and graduate with like a 4.0 GPA, like for some reason that is the standard that is expected out of every uni/college student, even those attending a really shitty uni is somehow expected to be blitzing through every single one your your classes, but the truth is, you will probably fail a class and that’s okay.

trust me when i say, it is okay to fail a class. i’m not saying that you SHOULD fail a class, but if you do, it’s not the end of the world. even though I failed so many classes last year, my first university was still willing to keep me enrolled and even offered some help. staying in university/college is sort of like baseball, very simple; 3 strikes and you’re out, but even then, they will still offer you services to help you study better or if you are struggling at home or you have your own mental issues that affect your studies, there are services at university/college that will help you and it’s for free.

i cannot stress how important it is to let your university/college know that if you suffer from any sort of mental illness, have a rough background, do not have the resources to study etc. etc., that you should let them know because they can help you.

that is all of the tips and advice that i can think off at the moment. i hope this helped at least one person. if i can think of anything else/more, i’ll be sure to update this post and add it on. or if i am brave enough, maybe just do a full blown youtube video? we will see on that. BUT UNTIL THEN. I HOPE THIS HELPS AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR FIRST YEAR AT UNI OR THE REST OF YOUR YEAR AT UNI IN GENERAL !! 

#cindy talks too much #studyspo #study motivation #advice #university advice #college advice #hopefully this helps somebody out there #AGAIN THIS IS ALL JUST MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE #studyblr

[geminisemotions-blog]

Struggles with ADD

I feel like going crazy. I feel like my mind is playing games with me to get me down, and hold me there as long as possible. Maybe it's the stress, maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself or maybe I do have a problem. I can't even think of words right now that describe my feelings, I suck ass at expressing my feelings, but if I don't learn how to do that I might explode. Everytime I sit down to study, as dump as it sounds, I just can't get myself to start. I am scared of starting because I know it will turn out with me crying and having a mental breakdown. When I'm sitting in class it's like there's a wall in my brain that keeps information, important information, from reaching my brain. No matter how hard I'm trying to concentrate on what the teacher and my classmates say...I hear the words, but they won't reach my brain which leads to me not understanding what is going on. Everything seems so foggy and unclear. Like some cloudy layer covering my brain...or sth like that. This again leads to me getting frustrated with myself, even hating myself, for how dump and idiotic I am. Like I'm neither able to complete simple tasks nor a little harder ones. In English today, I struggled to find the most easy words. Words and explanations that I KNOW. Of course my teacher had to pick me, and I just didn't get a word out. He's my favourite teacher and I've always gotten along with him, so why is it that he kept picking on me throughout the whole lesson. He noticed I was off today, and I kept wondering what he must've thought of me. If I'm just lazy today, or too tired (which I was) and I felt humiliated. Maybe he tried helping me by constantly giving me another chance of answering his questions. But it didn't help me at all. I kept thinking of what the others must've thought of me in that moment, I just couldn't help it. I went to the bathroom because I had to calm myself...because I had to hold back my tears...because I felt like a mental breakdown was about to take over me. I calmed down, but felt like shit. I got home, fell asleep for two hours because I just wanted to make it stop, I just wanted to relax. Of course I had to dream about my English teacher, once again picking on me. I wasn't even able to complete his tasks in my damn dream, and after he told me "If you wanna go home and cry that's fine" I woke up, already on the verge of tears the second my eyes opened.

It's so easy to hang out with my friends and play down my frustration, laugh at it and just act like I'm not panicking inside. Acting as if I'm not overwhelmed by every mildly inconvenient situation I get myself in. I am frustrated with myself. Myself only. Much egocentric.

I'm supposed to study japanese. And no, it's not an excuse. It's not that I don't want to study, I really really want to study. I want to achieve my goals, and I did have a lot of moments that made me proud for recognizing words or characters. I want to achieve the good grades. For once, I want to be successful, and proud. I want to make my parents proud, and I don't want to be a waste of money. Everytime I have to ask my mom for money, especially school money, I just feel so guilty. They have already spent so much money on me for things that I messed up or that I wanted. This time, if I fail this school, I have no idea how I'm gonna be able to live with myself.

I've thought of seeing a doctor in order to maybe get some medication or at least a diagnosis and some tips on how to deal with ADD. But why is it that I struggle so hard, but other people who have that don't. My parents, or at least one of them has it. According to the doc who treated my sister, it runs in the family, it's a genetic thing.

But my parents don't seem to care, or think it's an actual problem. The last time I went to my mom and talked about this issue, she just told me to get a grip. She just asked what the doctor's supposed to do about it. That it's unnecessary and something you can deal with by just eating healthy and doing sports. I must admit it helps a little, but not a lot and not over a long period of time.

Few months after our talk I failed math and was forced to leave school, and I still deep down think that I deserved it.

Now it's the first time since then where I'm really really struggling with this again...I guess that's why I'm so hella scared. And frustrated. And depressed.

The anxiety is eating me up, I can't clear my mind, I don't know how to do anything

I can't stop feeling like shit. Like I'm just making everything up in my mind, and I'm scared of every damn exam I still have to take. Fuck I'm scared of the damn presentation I have to do for my damn English teacher, who is going to ask me damn questions after my presentation infront of the whole class, in the same week as my 3 exams, one of them being economics.

Not only do I feel like a bad student or daughter...I feel like a bad friend. A bad human being in general.

Depressing thoughts and self hate are toxic. Before you know it, they have already poisened your whole brain.

I am gifted with the best people I could ever have in life, but I'm not even able to show how much they mean to me. Almost everyday I'm thinking of things I wanna do to show my best friend how much I appreciate her, but I don't know how. I don't know how to pay her back. Not only the money she has helped me with, but also her gestures and the care she has showed me.

Only thinking about it makes me wanna cry. I don't want to give her the impression that I take her for granted.

Am I overthinking?

I don't know. What I know is that I get random outbursts of tears and I feel weak for being that way.

I just feel like I'm going crazy. I guess I'm overreacting, but I don't know how to stop, how to control my thoughts.

There are times it gets better, and times it gets worse.

Right now it's pretty bad, it's actually never been worse.

Some don't struggle at all, not even noticing it. Some struggle from time to time a little, and some don't only have concentration deficit...but they get side symptoms.

Mental issues that come along with it, people who really struggle with this usually have other health problems as well.

I've been reading several studies, articles and opinions from people that are affected.

Not to be jumping to conclusions too fast, but that all explained a lot about me. Like, I could relate to so much, not just like "Yeah I know that". But more like yes I live with that, I live with those thoughts, I struggle with the way I view myself.

I've thought about letting my boyfriend read this, but everytime I'm trying to collect some courage I back out.

I'm scared. To show anyone. Idk why. What if he thinks it's stupid? I wouldn't be able to take that. I already think I am stupid.

What if he doesn't believe me ? Or doesn't care? It seems so stupid, I'm his girlfriend. But I can't help having anxiety attacks.

It's already so hard to keep a straight/normal face infront of him. I feel happy with him, but at the same time I don't and there are so many moments I just want to cry. Lately, especially at night while trying to fall asleep. That stage is dangerous because you start to think too much.

I wouldn't be able to handle it. Him seeing me differently, or not taking me seriously, or even treating me differently.

On the other hand, I don't know for how long I can keep hiding. I guess the day will come where I just start crying out of nowhere and he'll sit there shocked & confused.

I don't want anyone to see me crying.

February, 2019

#adhd #adhd problems #mental health #personality problems #gemini

[thousandmaths]

Joint Meetings 2018

So, for reasons [explained below the break*], it occurred to me that the deadline for submitting abstracts to the Joint Meetings is probably pretty soon (it is— September 26— so if you’re planning to submit, better get your ass in gear!). And while I was looking through the sessions, I was once again reminded why I flinging love the Joint Meetings.

Here are some actual titles of sessions— sessions! There will be multiple talks on these things!

AMS Special Session on Set-theoretic Topology (Dedicated to Jack Porter in Honor of 50 Years of Dedicated Research)

um, hi? awesome?!

MAA Invited Paper Session on Quandle Questions

EXCELLENT??

Also: Alissa Crans giving an MAA Invited Address(!) on “Quintessential Quandle Queries”

And there’s a bunch of “mathematical practice” sessions 

MAA Session on Philosophy of Mathematics as Actually Practiced

Short version for the unaware: there has recently been a growing trend in philosophy of mathematics to shift the discipline closer to studying the practices of professional mathematicians. 

This is basically everything I like about philosophy plus everything I like about anthropology/sociology (I’m really bad at distinguishing the two) thrown together into a big pot and seasoned liberally with modern math; delicious!

AMS Special Session on Alternative Proofs in Mathematical Practice

Besides just being generically interesting, the title of this session is based on the title of a book that came out recently (which is really darn expensive, sorry). So I’m interested to see how the session interacts with that.

MAA Session on Good Math from Bad: Crackpots, Cranks, and Progress

OH MY WORD 

YAAAASSSSSSSSS

(If you thought i had forgotten about that post, LOL no. I’m gonna teach that class someday. Just you watch.)

Also:

AMS Special Session on Boundaries for Groups and Spaces

this... has to be intentional, right?

that’s the thing about this kind of math humor: you never know if the person was being clever, or if they’re just so far gone down the rabbit hole that they forget what words mean.

under the assumption that it’s intentional, A+

AMS Special Session on A Showcase of Number Theory at Liberal Arts Colleges

This one’s a little subtle. If this were by the MAA, this would be whatever. But it’s not: it’s by the AMS. This is very outside the usual AMS fare and I’m hoping that it succeeds because that would indicate that at least one of teaching, undergrad research, and non-R1 research are being actively supported by both major American mathematical communities, which... fucking finally.

And then there are all the the sessions I’m excited about because people! Math friends!

AMS Special Session on Research from the Rocky Mountain-Great Plains Graduate Research Workshop in Combinatorics

:D it me! (we already presented our stuff at last year’s JMM, so it won’t actually be me. but still)

AMS Special Session on Research in Mathematics by Early Career Graduate Students

People like me except marginally better at not procrastinating? yes please?

(Also it’s an AMS Special Session so there’s definitely some expectation of quality there... at least with the work. With the presentation style... we’ll see.)

AMS Special Session on Special Functions and Combinatorics (in honor of Dennis Stanton's 65th birthday)

Oh shit that guy taught me combinatorics!

Happy birthday Dennis! Whenever it happens to be!

is there any polite way to ask when a professor’s birthday is?

anD SPEAKING OF PEOPLE:

MAA Invited Address — Transforming Learning: Building Confidence and Community to Engage Students with Rigor by Maria Klawe

ARE YOU KIDDING ME

She is the president of my undergrad and that is the least of the many reasons I love her.

MAA Project NExT Lecture on Teaching and Learning — Changing Mathematical Relationships and Mindsets: How All Students Can Succeed in Mathematics Learning by Jo Boaler

NO FUCKING WAY

Jo Boaler is a relentless advocate of IBL techniques in the K12 setting

And in particular wrote What’s Math Got To Do With It? that book was my bible on math ed for a good three years, dam.

AMS Invited Address — Algebraic Structures on Polytopes by Federico Ardilla

AWTL:IUHU:AUEIGHBBXZBBBUIHGEAEHLDIF

IS IT JANUARY YET?!?!?!

------

* So an idea I’ve had kicking around for a little while is that maybe I could try to take some of the lessons that I’ve learned from writing this blog and give a little contributed talk at the Joint Meetings this year. I’ve never really thought to do this earlier because it just doesn’t feel right to eat up a spot just to do some cheap advertisement. But I think I’m more comfortable with the idea now, since I’ll be several months out from writing the blog by then, and I don’t have a follow-up project planned. I mean, I do, it’s called “writing my damn thesis already”, but I haven’t figured out how to publicize that yet* :P

Part of the reason I want to do this is definitely because I’d love the blog to “count” for something CV-wise, and a contributed presentation at a conference isn’t much but it isn’t nothing.

But another reason is that over the course of my writing OTAM is that I’ve talked with a lot of people in real life who speak longingly about blogging. It’s something they’ve wanted to do for a while— maybe they even did do it for a month or two— but have never really found the time/drive/whatever. And I’ve never really had anything useful to say to comments like this. I think that the effort of preparing a conference talk might force me to straighten out my perspective on the value of this whole enterprise, which I think would allow me to have more meaningful conversations.

(This sounds rather falsely noble, but it’s also a bit self-serving: I suspect that I’ll find myself being one those people ten years from now, if not for blogging then for something else. It would be nice to have something of value to say to future-me, too.

[ * I thought pretty seriously about streaming thesis work. But in the end I came to the conclusion that I would need a much more flexible camera setup so that I could film my paper, or alternatively to get some kind of comfortable whiteboard setup in my room. The issue is that it’s easy to stream TeX, but I can’t do all my actual work in TeX; I need some flexibility to draw faster than I can TikZ. So I got myself a cheap tablet (and wow, that’s a story: ask me about it IRL sometime) thinking that I could get used to drawing on that. But in the end I really just couldn’t; I haven’t figured out how to think on the tablet the way I can think on paper or whiteboards**. I have no doubt that I could learn to do it, but I also have no particular interest in learning right now. ]

[ ** Unpopular opinion: chalkboards are great for teaching and giving talks, but when I do math that I have to actually think about, whiteboard every time. ]

#math #maths #mathematics #mathema #blogging #mad blogging experiment #jmm #jmm2018 #research #topology #knot theory #philosophy #philosophy of mathematics #graduate research #combinatorics