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funkymbtifiction · 3 years

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Some real talk on Fi: a submission

I’ve noticed a Fi-bias on the internet. It tends to glamorise Fi as this lofty, Wonder Woman function that somehow epitomises all that’s principled and good. I just read a PersonalityCafe thread listing the flaws of Fi and Fe. While Fe got blasted as manipulative, mindlessly conformist, and even psychopathic at worst, Fi got an easy pass with stuff like ‘refuses to go along just to keep the peace’ ‘cannot lie’ ‘cannot be persuaded to compromise its ideals’ etc. I laughed because these were clearly flattering ‘cute flaw’ descriptions. Like when a job interviewer asks you, ‘What’s your greatest weakness?’ and you say, ‘I work too hard!’ Cute flaw. Your interviewer will roll their eyes because your words will come off as self-flattery in the guise of critique. Saying that the flaw of Fi is ‘I won’t conform to stupid things! I’m too idealistic and principled!’ is not real talk.

Real talk is actual, hurtful, ugly flaws that make you go ‘Well, shit.’

As an INFP, I know what high Fi is like at its worst. It’s not cute. Let me share a story.

Last summer, my mum was diagnosed with cancer. All my friends were kind. But I felt a great gulf from my fellow high Fi-users because…none of them had gone through bereavement or family illness themselves. They could offer empathy or care on the surface, but I could always sense the gulf when they spoke. It was ‘I’m sorry to hear that’ and ‘I hope she gets better soon’ but - a patently obvious void within, an absence of deeper feeling. Fe users get a lot of crap for being ‘fake’, but have you ever heard a Fi mouth a platitude about something when they cannot relate their own experience or their own selves back to it?

Oh, they were kind, but their high Fi pulled them inextricably into their own inner universe. They were certainly willing to help, but ultimately their inner world was drenched with them (who am I? what am I here for? Me, mine, my). I know that inner radio - I have it myself. It blares away all the darn time! When I talked to them, I always walked away feeling more alone. Oh, of course they were sympathetic, but on a more fundamental level, their world was self-preoccupied (‘my musings, my ideals, my identity’). My grief felt lonely and cold after being in their presence. Some of the more tactless ones couldn’t help but explicate how my words fed their own inner world (‘This makes me think of my relationship with my family’/‘That makes me think of my mortality’).

It hurt like hell.

Told ya this story wasn’t pretty. This isn’t about the ‘cute flaws’ Fi usually basks in on the internet.

Let’s talk Fe. A common internet myth (one which walks hand in hand with Fi’s badass edgelord image) is that Fe’s just a people-pleaser, a PR manager, a nosy teacher, the function-equivalent of a mom elbowing her kids to say hello to the guests. Right?

Nah. Fe can be blazing warmth. Fe can be heartfelt. Fe can be passionate compassion. My isolation only lifted when I met a healthy Fe-user, Margo. Margo cared about my mom because – she just did. She didn’t need to know what it was like to experience her own mom ill. She didn’t need to have met my mom. Margo didn’t need to tie my experience back to who Margo was or what Margo stood for – heck, it wasn’t about Margo at all. She just sat on my bed and asked me questions about the colour of my mom’s eyes and where my mom went to school and gosh-where-did-your-mom-get-her-grit-from and something magical happened:

I felt warm.

I felt warm because I looked into that girl’s eyes and I could feel the care emanating from her. Over the next six months, Margo called me to ask how surgery appointments went; she looked through album photos with me; she texted me memes she said reminded her of my mom. And nah, Margo wasn’t an Enneagram 2. She just cared.

Now, Fi users can do all of these things. But what was different about Margo’s healthy Fe is that on a fundamental level, she had the capacity to care deeply about something and someone that she had never had any personal experience with. And her feelings did not centre herself or her life. It was about my mom.

It was the most comforting thing I could have received.

Now, this is not a Fi vs Fe post (for heaven’s sake, I’m a badge-carrying INFP myself). It is an attempt to go beyond the usual caricatures of independent warrior vs tyrant manipulator when we talk of Fi and Fe. To my fellow high Fi-users: not all our flaws are cute. Sure, we’re allowed to say we’re fierce free spirits; we’re allowed to say we refuse to compromise. Just remember to include stuff that doesn’t make us sound like the Justice League. We have flaws that are not cute and not glamorous and actually pretty unpleasant and hurtful for others. We may make things all about ourselves when someone else is suffering. We may not have room for someone else’s pain. We may project our own experience on someone else rather than making space for them. We may not make someone feel truly seen and heard. We may hurt someone through our self-absorption.

We are amazing, but sometimes….we need to learn to get ourselves out of the way.

#introverted feeling #infp #isfp #esfp #enfp #hard truth #submission

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aggresivelyfriendly · 3 years

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‘Tis the Damn Season- Chapter 7 Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)

Author’s Note- anybody still with me? If not, totally understand. This one is self edited- sorry I’m advance. Reblogs are still and always love!

“Are you sure I can't convince you to come home this Christmas?" Her mother's voice had just a tinge of loneliness, but Emma was set and certain.

"I think I would really like to have a Scandi Christmas this year mum! And I think the best present you could give me is to come and do it with me!"

They'd had this conversation eleventy million times. Emma knew her mum was doing so much better, and that her being in Holmes Chapel, even alone, would be ok, she'd be ok. Emma just knew they'd have so much fun in her newly reclaimed life abroad fusing old traditions with the ones they would make. Her mum was just resistant, she loved her home, was a certified home body, and now that it didn't hurt quite so bad, she loved the reminders of all the Christmases before. She was bathing in nostalgia with a smile on her face and a sweet ache inside.

Emma didn't feel the same. She'd had a fair few wonderful holidays in Holmes Chapel, but to many revolved around Harry Styles, and well, Emma's life did not revolve around Harry. Had never and didn't even have the axis centered around December 26 for a once a year moment any more.

She'd just really gotten back into her own life. Well, Emma patted herself on the back, she'd been living her way for 8 months now, that was almost as long as the 9 months she'd stayed in Holmes Chapel.

When her mother had assured her she was well enough that Emma could go to Iceland, the thought of ice capped fjords in summer thrilled her as though she was climbing them, not just studying them.

So she did.

She felt so much better, and her mother was better and she'd climbed to the top of her trail back to her own life, the one she'd made out of choice and ambition and only been sorry for in brief, lonely morning afters.

Emma wanted to share her life with her mother more than anything, certainly more than she wanted to spend a holiday in a place she now almost entirely associated with hurt. Heartache takes many forms, deep and abiding grief, the kind like she imagines phantom limbs give amputees years on. It also can hurt like a quick sharp mishap, a slip of the knife, full of crimson pain and stitches.

She'd had both together and then his deep cut on top of the other last Christmas. The wound was too fresh to go back at the moment. The good memories were still colored crimson. She needed to wait until her lover's memory flashed with true colors instead of red or blue. Her father's memory was cozier and longer, it was wrapped around the warm pink of her mother, but even it was still too tender.

She needed time.

Emma also had no idea where Harry was these days. She'd cut off all methods of inquiry. She wasn't staying up late googling even, ever, not anything. Not his naked or Camille's. They'd be going on well into their second trip round the sun by now. Probably more deeply in love than he openly confessed to her. Emma didn't need evidence of it. It just opened the stitches she'd sewn herself.

So, no Holmes Chapel, no Google alerts or text messages. She'd blocked his number.

"Well, I suppose if you insist, we can try Amsterdam for Christmas." Her mother covered the sigh at the end of that sentence and Emma appreciated it. She suppressed a wry smile. Her mother could also still hear it in her reply she was sure.

"Oh mum! You won't regret it. It will be so lovely! I can't wait. I'll meet you at the airport, then we will go to my favorite cafe and take a snow walk. It will be picturesque. You'll fall in love, you'll see."

"Alright, darling. I'll give it a chance. I just hate to miss Anne's party two years in a row." Emma cringed and was happy this was not a video chat. She almost gasped and blew her cover when her mum said. "Won't you miss Anne's party? You're close with Gemma, and" she breathed while her mother hesitated, "and Harry?"

God, did everyone know?

"It'll be fine mum. I'll call Gemma. She'll understand."

She would, after they'd had that conversation the last time they'd spoken.

Gem had not really cornered her so much as insisted they get out of the house as often as possible from the day after Boxing Day until she'd left to head back to London.

She, the lovely friend that she was, didn't actually bring it up until she was back for Mother's Day. And she waited until Emma told her she was headed back to her program in the fall with a twinkle in her eyes even Emma knew had been long gone for too long.

Ever the blunt one, Gemma didn't even cozy up to the subject, "so did you break his heart or did he break yours?" She took a big sip of her cider and leveled her state over the rim at Emma.

Emma could feel her face blanching or heating or giving some indication who's heart was broken. Her elegant side step to that mine field was, "huh?" Then a moment later. "Who are you talking about?" To Gemma's patient silence.

"Alright, if that's how you want to be." Gemma playfully rolled her eyes. "You and my brother are not stealth, at all. You would make eyes at each other all night at my mum's and then disappear for the same amount of time. Remember I live with him."

"Do not." Emma didn't bother to deny it.

"I suppose not really, but as much as any one "lives"with him, I do over Christmas, and did for most of my life. I know when he's smitten with someone, and when he's got them around his little finger too." Gemma snorted and ate a chip. "His stupid walk even changes, all of a sudden he swaggers and walks hip first. It's gross!" Her face screwed up.

Emma tried to remember if she had ever seen this hip walk. She supposed she had when he'd walk towards her at the Boar's Head. Or occasionally when he'd corner her by the mistletoe.

"It's not gross." Slipped out.

"That right there," Gemma pointed. "Is gross. Your face all soft and flushed for my little brother. Bleach!" She sighed mixed with a bit of good humor. "But I suppose that means he broke your heart. I can't believe he just turned up with another lady. Did you at least know? I feel like I always know way to much about my brother's sex life."

"Huh?" Emma laughed.

"I just feel like I know way too much about his sex life, due to blind items and pap shots. Thought you might feel the same."

"It's not so simple as that, really. I knew because of that, about his girlfriend." Still couldn't say her name. "But I think he felt like I'd broken his heart, if I'm honest. And That's why he turned up with her. To hurt me back, in case I hadn't seen."

"Did you."

"Certainly not on purpose. My heart and head and life were in shambles, still are, and he made an assumption, and never let me explain."

"Why don't you explain to me."

So she did, haltingly, Emma talked about it all, tears on her cheeks about her dad and then her mum, and even Harry. The sad footnote of loss in a story of grief.

"Why didn't you just tell him?" Gemma asked the question Emma asked herself a lot.

"I guess, I couldn't say it and I couldn't text it. And it confirmed to me that he really only knew me so little, that he could think I'd take advantage of him."

"Did you ever think that was more to do with how other people have treated him than you? he's had to learn to expect the worst of people he wants to trust?"

"Don't make me feel bad for him. Remember? He broke my heart and found someone new. Had the audacity to move on before me!" Emma tried to joke.

"I think, I think you guys got into a mess and never bothered to clean it up until it was so unkempt you couldn't find the good parts." Gemma said after a quiet, mirthless moment.

"Oh no!" Emma tapped her head. "I kept all the good parts."

"Firstly, blech, I wish I could bleach that smile from my head, but 2nd-Is that enough?" Gemma asked.

"It'll have to be, I suppose." She swallowed the moisture in her eyes, "he told me he loves her. Straight to my broken face. Then piled on how he never got the time to love me."

Gem looked curious, then cautious, "I think he does. But it's cuz he wants to. Wants that desperately, to be in love. It may be some leftovers from you."

"Yeah?" Her eyes really pooled then and she bat her cheek to stop more from swarming. "Well I'll have to take that as cold comfort then, that she gets the seed of love he wanted to grow with me."

"I'm sorry. Sure he is too." Gemma sighed. "I'm so sorry for all of it."

"Yeah, yeah." Emma leaned on her friend, her only real one right then. "Me too."

And they left it at that. Emma's eyes were swimming and Gemma blinked a few times too rapidly. They hoisted their glasses. "To almosts!" Emma said.

"To dad's!" Gemma said. Then they both did cry. Talked about Robin's diagnoses. Then it was Emma's turn to be the shoulder, to bolster.

Life went on, the way it always seems to do. Emma and her mom laughed more and then her mum even laughed on her own. By that summer, they both stood on their own two feet, without leaning on each other, except when they wanted to.

By June, there was no reason to stay.

"So, are your roommates excited to have you back?"

Her mum was making tea and packing her sandwiches.

"Mum, I actually had to find mew roommates. The others had to fill the room I was in." She could see the down turn of her mum's lips from the side. Guilt was heavy. "It's not a big deal. The people I'm rooming with are other grad students, I know them. And it's works for the budget. Mum, you know I'm not riding the bus to camp right? I don't need a sandwich. There will be food at the airport and on the plane?"

"Won't be home cooked." Was all she said.

This wasn't for her then. It was some sort of amends, or a thank you. Like the tea she had taken to bringing to her to her room when she woke up, and before bed.

"That's true." Emma kissed her cheek, "I'm gonna go finish packing." She ate the sandwich on the plane later.

Counting bags, she frowned. She'd acquired a lot. She sincerely hoped the bag wasn't as heavy as her heart.

Emma was going to miss Holmes Chapel.

She did, surprisingly as much as she missed school the first 6 months she was home. Maybe, those feelings were tangled up in other events, the other missing pieces of her former puzzle.

I'm any case, she found herself better at keeping in touch

"So, any cute boys in Amsterdam?" Gemma chuckled over the phone one mid December afternoon.

"Don't you have a boyfriend?" Was Emma's laughing response.

"I do, I really do." And Gemma, the blunt tongued, fierce hearted girl sounded suspiciously like a woman in love. Then she pretended to complain, because she was Gemma, about how They were both a little spoon, pretending to be annoyed about it.

"I'm really happy for you." Emma interrupted, meant it, even though she still didn't know if there were any cute boys in Amsterdam because she was still hung up on the cute boy who spent Christmas in Holmes Chapel.

Gemma must have picked up the stain of blue in her voice, "Hey, Emma, I think maybe I should tell you something-"

The buzz from her hallway door went then, and Gemma didn't get to finish.

"Hey Gem, my flat mate lost her key. I'll have to ring you back. Tell me then?"

And then it was Christmas, well Christmas Eve and she was at Schipol with a giant sign that said, "Katherine the great( est mum)!"

"Oh, bless you! Could you have made a bigger sign?"

"I'm sure I could have tried. Maybe found some glitter. Think a flat mate has the body sort somewhere." Her mum narrowed her eyes and pinched her cheek.

"Well, if you've finished embarrassing me, show me this dreadful country that's not England and all it has in terms of festive cheer."

"Let's go get some nuts then!" Emma laughed.

"I beg your pardon?" Her mum put on the prude and Emma laughed at her over the top expression as they made their way to the train to the city center.

Her famous Danish bakery was the first stop. "I thought we would have a taste test. We can rate them."

"Do you already have a favorite?" Her mum asked.

"Yeah." Emma thought about the trifle Harry's mum made and that he'd sneak to the boar's head to feed her in bed. It had only taken him watching her eat it once for him to recognize her glee. It was his favorite too. "But, I want to know what yours is!" Emma brought her memory and watering mouth to the present moment.

They ate their way through Christmas Eve And decorated her Kerstbomen. "Sorry the tree is already up. They were starting to disappear for purchase, but reappear in everyone else's windows! I had to grab one."

"Oh, no dear, it's alright. And actually, I brought a gift from Anne. I saw her the other day and had been complaining about you making me come all the way over here-"

"It's an hour flight!"

"Well, I suppose it will do, but it's not home."

Thank god.

"Anywho, she came by the day after and brought a present for your tree." Her smile was so expectant, Emma was expecting the worst. "It's so important to have good friends." Her smile was cryptic. What friends- Anne to her mum or Gemma to her? Who was the present actually from.

The box was festive. And wrapped beautifully just like Anne's house was always decorated so well. Emma set it aside, "I'll open it tomorrow mum, On christmas, at the proper time."

"Oh no! You must open it now. Gemma told her mom it was for your tree." Ah, mystery solved. Gemma was great at wrapping. When Emma opened it, her heart stopped a full beat.

At first she thought it was the frog, the one she'd gotten for him. That he was giving it back to her like a seal on their relationship that never was. But when she picked it up, she realized it was a proper ornament, not just ornamental. It was a frog, holding a heart.

What Did that mean, whose heart was it?

His for her? Or hers back where he decided it belonged.

"Where will you put it?" Her mother interrupted her train of thought.

"Um, dunno," she moved around the tree to an inconspicuous place. "I guess here." She shrugged.

"Oh no, dear. It's by far the cutest one we have." Her hand scanned over the other ornaments, a hodge podge of beloved ones and ones from Christmas markets. "It goes here." Her Mum stood and took the ornament from its hidden place, placed it front and center. "Let's get the rest up and take a picture."

She'd gotten her mother an aura frame for Mother's Day and she was now obsessed with adding to the Revolving cue of photos.

"Course, ok." Emma ripped her eyes from the frog, but they kept drifting back to it.

It was an hour of a little too much wine and her mother's cheer. It lightened her spirit and got her mind off it's wandery at Harry's intentions, until after silly smiley photos and teary eyed huggy ones, her mum said, "now let's take one for Anne and Gemma. Show them how nice it looks.

Emma thought she'd done a good job at the photo, at arranging her face the way it was supposed to look.

She must have been wrong.

Later, a number she knew by heart but had no current contact for came through. "Your smiles fake. Do you not like it at all?"

She didn't answer it on Boxing Day, or the day after, it wasn't until New Year's Day that she realized she'd blown her resolutions to Smithereens before they could even uphold their name.

All she'd texted back to his cold question was, "how come you're the only person who can always tell."

She may have never noticed she'd done it, with the way her group chats were going off, except he replied before her hangover even subsided.

#harry styles #Harry styles fanfiction #Harry styles fanfic #tis the damn season #song fic #ttds #chapter 7 #christmas (baby please come home)

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conscious-love · 2 years

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Asks I’ve answered 💙

(newest to oldest)

I’ll update this post when I answer new asks.

I’ve edited some of the questions to make them easier to understand.

These are all from people asking for advice. I’ve omitted ones where they’re asking me personal questions, venting, saying hello, and others. To see all the asks I’ve answered, search the tag #ask bella love

Question:

What are the odds of someone's message not going through, and them not knowing for over a week and them thinking you just never responded to them? I shut said person out but am scared I was too quick to do that and regret it in case she had valid reasoning, and now is too scared to defend herself after saying it's over.

My response

Question:

How does one deal with being ghosted? I started talking to someone for three weeks, we were making plans to meet, I asked if they wanted to video chat again to get to know each other more (we had done so 4 days after regularly talking) until the opportunity presented itself to meet, and it's been a week with no reply. I barely know this person but thought we had something good going, I'm hurting.

My response

Question:

Do you have any advice on leaving someone due to infidelity? The love is still wholly there, but I can’t stomach being with her anymore.

My response

Question:

Do you have any advice for someone who worries constantly and is way too stuck on other people's opinions and what they think? Like if I have a problem or if I have a disagreement with someone I will literally spend the entire day obsessing over it trying to find a solution or justify my response but I'll never truly calm down or be able to soothe myself until I get reassurance or advice from another friend or some confirmation that I'm right and don't have to worry about it. First of all I want to be more easygoing and not get so worked up so easily but I also want to be able to calm myself down without having to depend on another person all the time, I want to be able to seek assurance from myself and be enough for me without always going to someone else. I want to work on these issues but idk where to start and if this is a symptom for some mental illness I'm in no position to seek therapy right now. Any advice please?

My response

Question:

Hi. So I'm 20 and preparing for my medical entrance exam. I am an average student actually and I have a very less time to cover my syllabus. I've been clinically diagnosed with depression and I am currently on Medication which helps me with my anxiety issues. Well, I'm really scared. I'm really scared of failing. The competition is really high and students are studying for 10-12 hours a day. I know I have to study a lot and I really really want to, but my mental health has been affecting it. I am starting to get better, but I want to get over my fear of failure. Also, only my mother supports me and believes in me. Everyone else thinks that I won't be able to make it. It's very demotivating. I'm in a very very bad position at the moment and I want to prove everyone wrong and do my best. But I'm scared, very scared. And i feel weak and have anxiety thinking about all this. Please help me.

My response

Question:

Hi, I really need to let this out so. I'm with this guy, we've been seeing each other for around 5 months now. But then after the first date, I was away because I went back for summer holiday. And we're seeing each other again now, but then it seems like he didn't put all the effort and he asked me on dates and canceled it twice. He didn't ask again, and it's been 2 weeks now that we haven't see each other. I ru don't know what should I do, but I kinda like him.. So how??

My response

Question:

Hi, idk if you can help me with this but my mum is suffering from anxiety and it's causing some rifts in our relationship because I am also suffering from anxiety and low self esteem (maybe depression but still waiting on results) it just feels like my feelìngs don't matter when I bring up my issues, it always seems to rotate back to how she feels and how it's "so much worse".

For example, she left her job due to how bad her mental health is but when I was stuck in a really bad work space and was causing me to have mental health issues, I had to stick at it and not be so "dramatic". (This was like my very first job btw)

I've had anxiety for years and she's only had it the last few years but it just somehow feels like a competition between us both and I don't want that. I want my mother, I just want to be understood but I'll feel like an asshole if I tell her this, I don't want to disregard her feelings but I'm tired of feeling like she's disregarding mine.

How should I approach this?

My response

Question:

How do you move on from someone who cheated on you, but doesn’t regret anything they did? It hurts to even think of her, and to know she doesn’t regret anything she did hurts so deeply.

My response

Question:

What's the greatest lesson life has taught you?

(Kinda going through a hard time rn)

My response

Question:

How do you deal with seperation, fear of change, death, dealing with sickness? Lately I feel like i'm acting like a child who is scared of everything and especially seperation. For example, I love my elderly dog so much. He is sick and going through treatment and the levels of anxiety and stress it gives me scares me because I feel like i'm being OTT and crying over things that are not just my dog at this point. Like he symblize things i'm afraid of let go. I lost a lot of weight, i can't focus on my job and it's almost like i'm grieving before I even lost him. It made me think things like "when i'll have a baby, would i be this anxious"? How will i cope"? Is life worth living if this is how much it hurts to seperate from something or someone"? Life scares me and covid made my anexities even worse...I don't like myself like this and don't feel like the adult tharlt I am.

My response

Question:

There's something thats been on my mind for months now and I'm finally facing it. How do you let go of a friend that you've known for a really long time? I've been friends with her for 6 years, and I'm struggling to figure out if what I want is right or not.

When I think of her, I think of the things she's said in the past that really hurt me and she's never apologized for. I stopped talking to her, partly because I was angry with her; she apologized to one of our other friends (we were a group of 3 gals) after an argument, and I thought back to the past. I felt like, to her, I wasn't worth an apology. So I went silent. I wanted to talk to her, but I didn't want to either. Over time I couldn't find it in me to reach out again, so she lived in the back of my mind for a couple months, and I worried if she hated me. I'm changing and I want to move forward now. I'm trying to grow up, and heal, and learn how to love and take care of myself. I've realized that I'm not good at juggling friendships anymore. I can't seem to offer consistency anymore. And I hate it. I feel like maybe I should stop making friends and step back from the friendships that I left hanging. I feel like I should let her know how I feel and then tell her I want to step away from her. I don't want to cause anyone anymore hurt and I want to move on.. but it just doesn't feel right to want to stop being friends with her. I'm not sure anymore.

My response

Question:

Any suggestions on how to support an adult daughter engaged to a verbally abusive man?He has turned her against both parents and now she wants nothing to do with us. I go to therapy due to childhood trauma that contributed to depression. The depression indirectly impacted my daughter. I suggested she go to therapy, but she is not willing to.

My response

Question:

Hello,

What should I do in this situation?

I have a sibling who for no reasons gives me the silent treatment, out of nowhere. Most of the time, everything would be fine the day before, we'll talk normally and joke, then all of a sudden the next day, they act as if I don't exist. This often makes me question everything I did the past few days. It makes me feel guilty for something I never did. No matter how much I try, I really can't think of what I did wrong, especially if everything was fine the day before. I'm just so tired of this constant behavior, they do this every summer. I'm tired of running after them and trying to mend things.

The worse is that we live together, and my family tends to side with them as well since they'll act over-attentive with them, as if they were showing they don't need to talk to me. This oftentimes excludes me from family things because when they engage with family, which they do a lot, I won't have a way in because it's their conversations. Also, usually my mom would also start giving me dirty looks for no reason.

This is a really distressing environment for me, but I have nowhere to go. I feel so scared and dejected, and one time this lasted half my summer vacation. I end up subtly engaging in restrictive eating just to have something else to focus on.

It really feels like I'm the toxic one, especially since others start to be over-cautious with me as well.

I try to be positive, give them space, or even just ignore them back, but it's all just the same. I always feel miserable at the end.

So I'm left question everything, myself included, and I know. If there's anything that I know for sure, it's that I'm not a bad person. I may be stubborn, but I'll never go out of my way to make someone feel bad, yet this makes me doubt my very person.

Just wanted to get different opinions on this. Anything at all would be somewhere to start.

My response

Question:

hi, it's me with the ghosting case again! :-)

I actually thought about what advice you gave me and I decided to send them a message to explain I don't want to be friends anymore and that I don't want to stay in touch (it was an online friendship) and told them the reasons. they said they don't understand why it would be a reason to end the friendship. but that don't matter to me, I think I did the right thing and I feel relieved and at peace with myself. thank you for listening!!!

My response

Question:

Hi, thank you for putting so much thought into your answer about me and my "ghosting" situation, it's v much appreciated and I can definitely see your point why ghosting is not okay so I'll explain some more:

in this case, it's about someone (let's call them person x) I only texted with via whatsapp and they were a friend, but definitely not a close one, just someone I enjoyed texting with... I got to know them because they're friends with the person (person y) I used to be in a relationship with for over a year. I broke up with said person 3 months ago but stayed friends with person x.

and a week ago or something person x asked me if I'd go on a date with them, despite knowing that I still suffer from the breakup and they are best friends with person y, my ex!! person x said they asked person y if they were okay with it aka asking for their allowance...and when I said it makes me feel uncomfortable and that I find the whole situation weird, person x did not understand and just tried to pretend it wasn't weird.

now I don't feel like texting person x anymore, and I don't want to be pulled into weird situations that somehow involve my ex!! I don't want to feel the need to be the nice person and stay in touch just because I feel like I have to... that's the whole situation. I just want to be happy again and trying to further explain anything or staying in touch with person x would make it harder. I'm having a hard time not being a people pleaser and I'm trying to be brave and stick with my decision 😖

or do I have to explain that I don't want to be friends anymore and then just leave it be? do I have to do this??

My response

Question:

I just read that post about ghosting people and right now I am indeed ghosting someone. they sent me messages that kind of offended me, annoyed me and I generally do not care a lot about them and it's not worth any conversation or explaining (or even arguing, idk), so I decided to ghost them, especially since there's sort of a connection with my ex because that person is friends with them... I think it's the healthiest decision for me to makr. what do you think?

My response

Question:

I'm sorry and ignore this if this is not the place but: Do you have any thoughts or advice on being in a relationship and what is appropriate in terms of expressing attraction to others E.g. Liking photos of unattainable (E.g. Celebrity/popular) hot people on twitter / joke flirting with others? I have no experience so unsure what is healthy or if it's very case by case? Ty for your time ❤️

My response

Question:

How do you let go of someone when you're best friends with them and you see them almost everyday?

My response

Question:

what advice would you give about on & off relationships? what if the 2 partners are very in love however there is some incompatibility? is there potential?

My response

Question:

I really love your posts. Would like to ask more about the rejection redirection one you just posted. To me, I think the hardest part of the abandonment is that it breaks a promise to work together, even as people grow and change over time. Or maybe especially as people grow and change. So it feels less like the problem of rejection, and more like betrayal trauma where trust has been violated, and the ability to believe two people can intentionally choose each other through everything gets challenged or outright shattered. Does that make sense or do I sound crazy?

My response

Question:

Do you have advice for growing past and forgiving yourself for reactive abuse? I don't know how to feel about myself after everything that's happened. I know I'll never allow myself to get into a situation like that again, I know it's not a reflection of who I am as a person, but I also feel so ashamed and like I don't deserve any more chances and I'm a bad person forever now. It's my biggest regret and I am struggling to move forward.

My response

Question:

I don't know how to take care of myself or put myself before other people. Do you have any advice for that?

My response

Question:

Any ways to begin or get going on self love?

My response

Question:

Hi there. I’m having trouble with forgiving myself over past mistakes. I have a perfectionist mind and when I think I was not perfect my mind will randomly remember it during quiet moments in my day. How do I forgive myself? Also, I love the blue in your blog! Thank you for your time and have a lovely day :)

My response

Question:

I'm moving on with my life (finally) after some tough times. It's scary, but exciting. Any words of wisdom to help me keep moving forward? ❤

My response

Question:

Hello there! Hope you are well. I needed to ask you something. There is this exam I have and I haven't prepared well. I wasn't doing mentally well and had a really hard time studying. I have been a top student all my life and I think when I won't do well in this exam, I will disappoint everyone. I feel better now and would 100 percent work on my grade. Is it fine to face failure? How should I console myself? I get panic attacks about me being a loser.

My response

Question:

How do I stop myself from feeling like shit, from making the tears fall down?

My response

Question:

Hi! How to not feel dumb in college? When I was in school, I thought I was pretty smart but then I entered college and it feels like everyone is smarter than me. This is affecting my daily life and studies too. What should I do? How do I start studying again?

My response

Question:

How do you deal with jealousy and envy of other people or friends who are rich or having rich parents? I lately feel it so strongly. I even get jealous over celebrities and Hollywood stars… I think I’m frustrated over the pandemic and watching A-listers be so selfish or detached, so it makes me angry watching people like that have it all ya know? I have anxiety so I get bitter and upset over my life (my field doesn't pay well and I have severe anxiety issues so job interviews makes me vomit like crazy and I cry a lot). I just feel like the world is so unfair sometimes and it's hard for me not to get jealous.. I can't shake that feeling.

My response

Question:

Hey!! How to deal with parents who get into nasty fights a lot? I particularly don't like to interfere nor do I like confrontation.

But I just feel miserable every time this happens. It completely changes a really good day to a horrible one. What do you suggest I do to take care of myself and not rely on them for providing me with peace?

My response

Question:

How do I ask my boyfriend how he really feels about me?

My response

Question:

Hello! I feel as though my friends don’t treat me very well, they frequently exclude me from things and whenever I try and explain to them that they are hurting my feelings, they never do anything to change.

I feel like they all hate me and it upsets me to know that no matter what I do, it’s not good enough for them. I know I deserve better but if I stop hanging out with them, I’ll have absolutely no-one. I don’t know what to do.

My response

Question:

Hey I am the anon who asked for the advice when someone yells at you.. Your advice is really priceless!!

Could you also elaborate on responding to that yelling in a healthier manner..? Cause I definitely don't know how, which is why I just usually become quiet.

Hope you have a lovely day.. You're a pure soul ✨

My response

Question:

Context: I made a post asking people how they feel when being yelled at

When anyone yells at me, I become teary eyed and it's a rapid flux of emotions.

Headaches are very common and I don't have the strength to respond without my voice trembling.

Any tips to be calm during this time rather than being numb?

Also, bless you ❤️

My response

Question:

Context: responding to a quote I shared

But this is so hard. How long do I give them time to change? Because I know I require a lot of time. How many second chances are too many?

My response

Question:

I miss listening to one of my favorite bands. But I discovered that band with my ex, and we saw them in concert and used to listen to this band together all the time. I want to listen to them again, but it always reminds me of him, painfully so. I don't know what to do.

My response

Question:

I thought my parents symbolized love. I learned to never believe that someone can symbolize love, but I'm afraid I'll never find love.

My response

Question:

I’ve read that after you broke up the first time you came back with him 3 times... People tell me I shouldn’t go back with him, but my hopeless soul thinks things will be different, even though my head knows it won’t. If you don’t mind explaining a bit about why you wanted to come back and why you broke up again that’d be wonderful help. Thank you for this blog, really.

My response

Question:

I was the one who never listened and always smoothed things over, and now things are not working anymore... Now I am the one who is always checking on my other half. I suspect cheating, and he is doing things that he and I would do together, but with a "new" friend now.. I don't have much to stand on... He owns everything.. I think I got too caught up in it all and took advantage and did not seriously consider his feelings and now the tables are turned.. From 2009-present.. Is it over?

My response

Question:

In a relationship where the tables are turned now.. I had been lying and not taking relationship seriously, and now I see the light but think it’s too late… He is now doing things we used to do with other people/new friends, and I have suspected and have confirmed he is spending time with his ex before me. He doesn’t know that I know this.. Is there hope? 2009-present.. Very attached to his family.. I miss him the way he was we were back then.. Now I’m the clingy one and always checking up on things, and when we sleep together at night, it’s not like it used to be, I miss him so much. And have messed up everything and my life too.. Made a lot of dumb decisions last year.. And now I am probably paying for them.

My response

Question:

Hi, um, I'm kind of dealing with a bad break up and a loss of some people that I once considered my closest friends. I broke up with my girlfriend once we got in trouble and supposedly there were people saying that I was talking crap. She went off on me even tho I was innocent. After our fallout, she stopped being my friend and is turning everyone against me. What do I do?

My response

Question:

It's been almost 4 months since my ex and I broke up. We dated for a year and a half.. He moved on so fast.. But told me he'd always be there for me, but when I reach out for help he treats me like shit. I feel so hurt without him, and I feel like I'm drowning. I dropped everyone in my life while we were together so I don't have the support he did to get over him. I feel suffocated like I'm never going to get over him. I still dream about him constantly... What can I do to make this stop?

My response

Question:

How do you know when a relationship is over? It's been 4 years, a wedding and two children and I'm not in love anymore. 😪

My response

Question:

So this guy broke up with me weeks ago after couple of months dating, and I’m starting to get over him but the thing is that we used to watch my favorite movie/music together and I can’t stop thinking about him when I watch it/listen to it, and I don’t want to just quit all the music/movies I love bc of him. What do you think?

My response

Question:

Me and my boyfriend broke up two days ago after dating for seven months. I'm 17 and he was my first love which makes this even worse. I know we made the right choice but I find myself still wanting to run back to him because of how miserable I am and of course I am only remembering our happy memories. It's hard for me just to do things like eat or brush my teeth, etc. and I feel so hopeless. I know it will pass but how am I supposed to handle how I feel right now?

My response

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nudne · 4 years

Note

i saw your tags about asking you for book recs and i wanted to ask: what books with wlw romance do you recommend? all genres are great, i just need some good stories with gay girls in them 💕 love u!

finally my time to shine! also i do want to say that most of these are written by women of colour, and you should look these authors up and pick up their other books! a good deal of them are also lesbian or bisexual 😌

Cinderella Is Dead by Kalynn Bayron. YA Cinderella retelling with a Black lesbian main character! It's 200 years after Cinderella's death, and her story is being used by the tyrannical king to basically force women to attend a ball where they are 'chosen' as wives, in a parody of Cinderella's story. Our MC Sophia has had enough!

You Should See Me In a Crown by Leah Johnson. YA with a Black main character! Liz wants to leave her small town but in order to do that she needs to win prom queen to get a scholarship. But maybe her competitor for prom queen is kinda cute...? 🤔

The Falling In Love Montage by Ciara Smyth. Two girls go on a summer of montage-worthy dates and plan to break it off cleanly at the end of the summer- no broken hearts, no mess. Except maybe they develop feelings...? 👀

The Stars and the Blackness Between Them by Junauda Petrus. I just made a post about this so I'll just paste what I said about it here! This tells the stort of a Trinidadian girl, Audre, sent to live in Minneapolis after her mum catches her having sex with a girl. There she meets Mabel, who is questioning her own sexuality and the two become friends and maybe more? A super sweet YA Black girl romance!

Juliet Takes a Breath by Gabby Rivera. Juliet, a self-described Puerto-Rican baby dyke from the Bronx, just came out to her family, and is leaving for the summer to be an intern in Portland to this hippy white woman. What follows is an exploration of Juliet's own identity, of intersectional feminism, LGBT issues, race and the need for spaces exclusively for women of colour. Just an excellent book.

Disoriental by Négar Djavadi. I haven't read this YET (it's waiting on my shelf) but I've heard so many incredible things. It's written by a French-Iranian woman and translated into English (I think we should all be reading more translated fiction). I don't think I can do the description justice, so please please look it up. It's not a romance per say, but I do think it's an incredibly important stort and the MC is bisexual afaik.

The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali by Sabina Khan. 17 year old Rukhsana tries her best to love up to her parents expectations, but when they catch her with a girl, she is sent to Bangladesh to 'straighten her out'. Only through reading her grandmother's old diaries is she able to gain some perspective. Now she realises has to fight for her love, but can she do that without losing everyone she loves?

Little & Lion by Brandy Colbert. Another book on my TBR that I've heard great things about. Suzette comes home to LA from her boarding school, and doesn't want to go back. All her family and friends are in LA, and her stepbrother has just been diagnosed with Bipolar and needs her support. But Suzette finds herself falling for the same girl her brother is in love with. When Lionel's disorder spirals out of control, Suzette has to confront her past mistakes and help Lionel before he does something to hurt himself.

Gideon the Ninth and Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. Now, I wasn't sure if I should recommend this but ykw? I will, cause it's an AMAZING series. It's a space opera with sword fighting and necromantic lesbians and a locked house murder mystery... in space. And with lesbians. There's 2 books out of 3 out now and while there's no romance (hopefully YET) it's just an incredibly well thought out and hilarious book. The narration is *chef's kiss*

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid. I just finished this book this week and Y'all 😤 This book tells the story of Evelyn Hugo, a Cuban-American and an Old Hollywood star known for her beauty and scandal after scandal. Now in her late 70s, she is giving one last interview to an unknown journalist, Monique Grant, who she doesn't seem to be connected to... But as we learn about Evelyn's life, we find out that maybe things weren't as they seemed? And we learn what really ties her to Monique. The fact that I'm recommending it here may be a bit of a spoiler 😂 Evelyn is bisexual, and she ACTUALLY SAYS THE WORD.

Honorary mention to N.K. Jemisin's The Broken Earth trilogy and The City We Became (this is the first book in her new series). Jemisin is just... a master at what she does. Both of these series are sci-fi / urban fantasy, with excellent modern social commentary. Her character work is phenomenal and they're all incredibly diverse (she has bisexual and lesbian main characters in both series, plus characters of different races and orientations that are always thoughtfully and respectfully crafted). READ HER.

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alexsfictionaddiction · 3 years

Text

‘She overcame everything that was meant to destroy her.’

Women are truly incredible creatures. We have spent centuries being overlooked, downtrodden and dismissed. In some respects, we have come a long way in terms of gender equality but there are still many recent occurrences which remind us of how far we have to go.

So many female illnesses take years to diagnose or aren’t taken seriously enough when they are. Women are still having to justify why they chose not to have children. We’re still working with a pay gap. Some women aren’t considered to be women because of the body parts they were born with or without. There are still places in the world where women simply don’t and never will have the opportunities to live life on their own terms. Despite all this, we’re still out in the world making and doing amazing things and looking beautiful while doing them.

This recommendation list is really a collection of books that celebrate women, their courage, their friendships and their choices. It’s pretty varied in terms of genre and style, so I’m pretty sure you’ll find at least one book here that piques your interest. Keep being your fierce, unstoppable self and honour your girls today. -Love, Alex x

1. Dangerous Women by Hope Adams.

In 1841, 180 English women are on board The Rajah, a ship bound for Australia. All of them are criminals, most of them convicted of petty crimes but one of them has a deadly dark secret. Then someone is killed and the hunt for the culprit is on. But it’s hard to protest your innocence when you’ve already been found guilty. This addictive mystery is so well-researched and is based on the true stories of real female criminals aboard The Rajah. There is an overwhelming, stifling darkness, haunting the whole novel that is so atmospheric and reflective of conditions on board. It’s a story of sisterhood, female friendship and the existence of the Rajah Quilt is an example of the incredible feats that women can overcome if they work together.

2. Moxie by Jennifer Mathieu.

Viv is tired of following the rules at her high school and is determined to shake things up. Channelling her mum’s former punk persona, Viv creates and secretly distributes a feminist zine to her classmates, who start to take action. Cliques are abandoned as new friendships are formed and a revolution kicks off. The real sweetness about this gutsy, fierce YA novel is the fact that talking about the daily trials and tribulations that girls go through brings them together rather than divides them. There are some fantastic characters and the inclusion of male allies is everything.

3. Queenie by Candice Carty-Williams.

After a disastrous break up, British-Jamaican millennial Queenie embarks on a journey, riddled with bad choices, to discover what she really wants from life. Straddling two cultures, a job where she is perpetually underappreciated and an underlying mental health condition, Queenie is a relatable depiction of what it means to be a young, Black woman in 21st century London. Funny, honest and deeply moving, Queenie is an essential enlightening read with a wonderfully flawed, real woman at its heart.

4. Hag: Forgotten Folktales Retold.

Inspired by British urban myths, this collection of spooky, fantastical stories by various female authors celebrates women in all of their guises. These stories are written by the likes of Daisy Johnson, Kirsty Logan, Irenosen Okojie, Eimear McBride and more. Some of the stories are very dark. Some of them offer powerful insights into other cultures. Some of them explore inherently female issues such as the repression of desire and motherhood. Overriding the whole collection is the wonder and power of women defying the odds and achieving their dreams. A fantastically unique read, ideal for International Women’s Day.

5. My Grandmother Asked Me To Tell You She’s Sorry by Fredrik Backman.

When Elsa’s grandmother dies, she discovers a series of letters apologising to the various people she has wronged. Elsa’s mission to deliver these letters leads to some strange places and a journey that leads to getting to know her grandmother in a way she never did, when she was alive. The relationship between seven-year-old Elsa and her grandmother is so beautiful and I’m sure I’ll never read another grandmother-granddaughter relationship like it. Granny is a truly formidable character and a woman who has left behind a very full, colourful life. Backman is a master at writing quirky, uplifting stories of community and this charming novel is no different.

6. Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 by Cho Nam-Joo.

Kim Jiyoung has recently given up work to raise her baby daughter but before long, she begins displaying strange symptoms, such as impersonating the voices of other women. As her psychosis deepens, Jiyoung’s entire life is spilled to her male psychiatrist and it’s a life of restriction, abuse and control. This incredibly evocative book is a harrowing illustration of the misogyny ingrained deep in Korean culture and the devastating effects it can have on the women who live within it. A woman on the brink of insanity speaks for them all in this heavily symbolic, heartbreaking read.

7. The Shelf by Helly Acton.

Amy is pretty sure that Jamie is about to propose, so she is more than shocked to find herself on The Shelf, a reality TV show for single women. Over the next few weeks, she and five other women must take on challenges to improve themselves and be crowned ‘The Keeper’. The Shelf is a joyful celebration of singledom and female friendship. Funny and heartwarming, it inspires its readers to never settle for second best and discover life and yourself, completely on your own terms.

8. Invisible Women by Caroline Criado-Perez.

The world is made for men. Cars, phones, the medical industry, workplace laws and more areas of modern society largely ignore women. This fantastically informative manual exposes all the data biases that have been hidden from us. Caroline Criado-Perez has collated stories and case studies from across the globe that show how women’s lives and health are affected by our male-minded world and calls for drastic change.

9. A Kind of Spark by Elle McNicoll.

Addie has autism but she is so much more than that. When she learns of her hometown’s involvement in witch trials, she launches a campaign to erect a memorial for the women who died during them. This gorgeous, uplifting, funny middle-grade book offers a unique insight into a neurodivergent mind and simultaneously honours innocent, murdered women. You’ll get all the feels!

10. Olive by Emma Gannon.

Olive’s choice to not be a mother has ended her nine year relationship and her three best friends are all at various stages of motherhood. So, where will Olive fit into their lives now? This wonderfully sensitive and thoughtful novel is a wonderful celebration of women who are child-free by choice as well as giving voice to those who have struggled to become mothers. It will speak to any woman who has ever been asked when they’re going to take the leap into that ‘inevitable’ stage of a female life -motherhood.

11. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid.

Evelyn Hugo is a retired Hollywood icon who has personally chosen struggling, unknown reporter Monique to dictate her biography to. No one knows why, not even Monique herself. Over a series of intimate meetings, Evelyn tells Monique her story; from her rise to fame in the 1950s LA to her retirement 30 years later and the myriad of romances throughout that time. In time, it becomes clear that Evelyn’s and Monique’s lives intertwine in a heartbreaking fashion. Soaring, epic and completely unforgettable, Evelyn Hugo is the story of a woman who was consistently objectified, moulded and suppressed. Ultimately, it is a story of a great forbidden love and the hell that fame can bring, especially for women.

12. The Year of the Witching by Alexis Henderson.

Imannuelle’s mixed heritage is sacrilege in the tiny, puritanical community in which she lives. So she does her best to obey the rules and worship the Father. However, she finds herself in the haunted Darkwood where the spirits of murdered witches roam but they have a gift for Immanuelle -her dead mother’s journal, which leads to her discovering the dark truths behind the community she was born into. This atmospheric, brooding fantasy-horror novel champions the overthrowing of control, the discovery of one’s own inner power and capabilities as well as demonstrating how women have been villified by the patriarchy for centuries, simply for leading the lives that they want to lead. An addictive, Gothic witchy treat!

#international women's day #book recommendations #recommendations #books #bookworm

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papytonpropaganda · 3 years

Text

Warning Post: Stalker in the UT Fandom

Hey all. My friend asked me if I would be comfortable doing this and I said yes because I think no one deserves to go through what they have.

Tw stalking //

My friend Pixie has been stalked for the past 6 months or so by someone who, for whatever reason, just absolutely hates Asgore from Undertale. Pixie kins Asgore and also sees him as a father figure because their own father was a terrible person. This stalker has harassed Pixie and even contacted their mother, who is abusive, because they dislike that Pixie has such a great love for a fictional character.

I agreed to write this post in order to warn other Asgore fans and kins about this person so they are aware someone like this is out there and can be prepared in case they decide to go after other people.

Below are screenshots of an email that was sent to Pixie’s mother’s work account, which was found through hacking Pixie’s Discord. This email purported to be from a “Christian mother” who was concerned about their child interacting with Pixie. The person misgenders Pixie, who is nonbinary and uses they/them pronouns, and includes a great number of screenshots from Pixie’s Twitter. It is clear from the screenshots that the stalker was searching up anything they could find to out Pixie as being part of the LGBTQ+ community and also reveal Pixie’s personal vents about their mother.

Screenshots and further information will be under the cut. Warning for misgendering, stalking, and mentions of Christianity, self-harm, and accusations of exposing minors to porn.

Transcription:

“Hi [redacted]

My name is [redacted] and I’m a proud Christian mum of two. Recently, one of my children has been on a Discord server with your daughter and also has access to your daughter’s social media. As a mother, it’s my job to monitor the online activity of my children and make sure they aren’t exposed to the many dangers lurking on the internet. This includes seeing who they interact with, and I am appalled by the content on your daughter’s social media, namely her Twitter. As you know, it is not always easy to monitor our children’s online activity as this new generation is rather tech savvy. I am a firm believer that we mothers need to stick together, which is why I have emailed you to inform you of these behaviours. Your daughter frequently reveals personal information about herself and her family online (namely on Discord), and thus it was easy for me to find your email. I apologise for sending this to your business email, but I believe this to be urgent and wanted to get in touch with you as soon as possible… The only thing she has not revealed is her exact home address, though she has revealed both your workplace and the town you live in. Given the nature of the content on her Twitter alone, I am certain that you were not aware of her behaviors either, as she frequently posts atrocious and disrespectful things about you. I have attached screen captures of a few of the tweets I have seen recently which were later deleted, and I am sure you will agree that these are truly a mother’s worst nightmare. She has also exposed underaged children to pornographic content depicting a Satanic goat character known as “Asgore,” which is unacceptable especially for a twenty year old. She has also implied that she harms/cuts herself in the name of this Asgore… I would also like to make mention that the vast, vast majority of your daughter’s followers are impressionable and underaged children (between the ages of 10 and 16) yet they are being exposed to this content… It is heartbreaking to think of what our children do online even after caring for them and teaching them our Christian values. I will speaking to my children more about internet safety and the repercussions of posting online… I hope you have found this email helpful.” [email text cuts off here]

This email was full of lies from the get-go. I have shared several Discord servers with Pixie, and they have never revealed personal information. Pixie’s NSFW account was separate from their main and locked so only adults could follow. The majority of the vents concerning self-harm were about the abuse they were dealing with. They have diagnosed PTSD and are a CSA survivor and use Asgore to cope, and they do it in a healthy way. And, as Pixie’s notes on the second screenshot say, how they cope is no one else’s business anyway.

Below are screenshots that Pixie’s stalker attached to the email to their mother.

Aside from the email sent to their mother, Pixie was also sent extremely pedophilic and triggering asks on Tumblr from throwaway accounts. Even after Pixie blocked the asker, they would simply make a new account and continue to harass them.

Screenshots are below. Serious warnings for pedophilia, incest, rape, f slur, t slur, and NSFW text

As you can see, whoever this stalker is, they are a completely vile person to send these things to a CSA survivor.

Pixie wrote a thread on their Twitter, which they have asked me not to share, about the stalking and harassment they’ve been through, and just today they received this DM.

Clearly this person isn’t done yet.

Pixie and I aren’t completely sure who this person is, but we are keeping an eye on things. Hopefully we can figure out who this person is and make it so they can’t hurt anyone like this again. In the meantime, we both wanted to warn people about this person, as Pixie is sure their stalker won’t stop with them and could move on to harassing other Asgore fans at any time. Nobody deserves to be treated like Pixie has been.

Thank you for reading, and please spread this to Asgore fans if you can, so they can take precautions to protect themselves.

#jess speaks #warning post #stalking #harassment

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doubledoubletoilettrouble · 3 years

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personal post- CW death, family tensions, intergenerational trauma/ abuse, chronic illness

big weird grief day. just gotta vent.

my ama died when i was 4-nearly 5. 22 years ago today. she raised me far more than my dad did when i was that age. possibly more than my mum did too, as she wasn't really equipped to be a parent.

it's odd because her death was the incident that scaffolded the shape of my life more than any other event. i grew as i could in the shadowed grief of my mother's loss of her own. in turn, my mother would treat me as child, friend, parent, or partner based on whatever suited her at a given moment. I would try to form myself to be for her.

My mum has told me at length the trauma caused by my ama being too chronically ill-mentally and physically- to really get put of bed much throughout the course of my mum's childhood. She has also attempted to rationalize the death, saying it's better that she died when she did rather than be miserable as an amputee. Just. deep ableist eugenics thoughts that I was steeped in to achieve a mighty brew of self loathing. ugh.

She was diagnosed with Lupus and with Chronic Fatigue, among other things. Autoimmune disorders and deep disabilities that only could be seen in what she did or could not do.

And now I'm realizing how much of my life is a struggle against my own autoimmune issues, a fight against my own body and its relationship to society and capitalism and to time and to just. All outside myself . and it's getting worse and i cannot get out of bed more and more often just like her and there is so much where I am just like her and I am scared because her autoimmune stuff is what killed her.

And i also base so much of my magic on this Feeling that I feel is of her. This community, creation-based hearth energy. Everybody who knew my ama says how warm she was. she made people blankets and food and grew flowers for people and cared so deeply and well in all those matrilineal ways. she made so many mistakes bjt she was doing so Well when she died, apparently. Therapy and volunteering and working on stuff with my mum.

And then an asthma attack after a tiff between them after thanksgiving. Then flesh-eating bacteria picked up from a hospital superbug. then back to the hospital and she was gone and there were just two of us in this line where there was meant to be three to do this work we have to do to heal what my papa did here.

And I always thought my affinity to rot would keep me safe- that eating bugs and foods long past five-second-rules and being at ease with filth and baseness would make me stronger and that I wouldn't go like she did- early and Wrong and rotting while alive.

Because now my sickness is hitting me and rot and mold and dust and plants all can hurt my battling body so quickly. Now I have asthma, and an inhaler for when I encounter those triggers. How long until that seething, leaking death comes for my throat? How long before poverty and disability creep up on me or chase me down and take what life remains in md?

And now my mum has chosen to take actions that mean I cannot be in her life right now. And she cannot and will not accept that despite her grief- the deep sacred grief of losing a parent- I might be physically Sicker than her. I might be just like her mum, and that she has failed Both of us in failing me in my battle against it all.

And she uses this false idea of my ama's love and Presence to manipulate and validate herself and her shitty choices.

Her grief on this day is about losing a parent. Yes, it was early, but that does happen to most people in life. For me this day is tied up with my grief for my own life lost to my disability, whether in time or experience, that is sure to come- to continue. And I don't want to compare grief, that is not fair, but my grief has never been properly cared for or tended to, while I performed my mum's grief back at her so that we might experience some type of Togetherness with it all but never has mine been held by her or the rest of my blood family and it just gets deeper and more complex and now due to having to put up boundaries with All of them I feel completely and utterly alone with it. I feel absolutely cursed for my blood, in so many ways.

And idk. I guess this is just some threads of the underworld work that's coming up around today. It felt like it needed to be shared, but not to many, hence: tumblr.

If you do read this, please like the post. Just need to know whether or not this is floating in the void. either is fine i just wanna know.

#like if read #plz #personal #death #underworld work #rabble log #family #disability

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crazycoke-addict · 4 years

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Shallon Lester needs to be held accountable

If you’re wondering who she is. Shallon Lester is a YouTuber who makes videos of celebrities whether it be relationships or other stuff in general. She’s also MTV personality and may have connection with some celebrities but not all. I discovered Shallon when a video was recommended for me and it was about the Khloe/Tristan/Jordyn that went down last year. She talks about how Khloe should’ve been aware whom she was dating and how the kardashians treated Jordyn wasn’t ok. I didn’t watch the whole video because she began degrading Jordyn Woods. I can’t remember the exact thing she said but it was basically Khloe is the beautiful one like Jordyn is not. I see this as being racist.

Khloe has done a lot of surgery on herself from her face to her butt even she denies it, it’s clear that she has done surgery. Jordyn however it doesn’t seem like she has ever done any surgery on herself just lost weight naturally. The kardashians and also the Jenners are known for profiting off of black culture and they are obsessed to look like a black woman. They deny this but there’s so many proof like how Kim uses a foundation that doesn’t match her skin tone. They are blackfishing and people like Shallon see them as ‘beautiful’ and even praise them but degrade and hate on a real black woman who has all these features that the kardashians and other white insta models are trying to steal. Because of white supremacy Black girls were taught not to love themselves and their mind were poisoned into believing that European beauty standards was better. Flash forward to today and you got white girls pretending to be a black Woman for clout and get likes and followers.

I didn’t watch any of her other videos because she didn’t really peak my interest and especially after that video she made that I mentioned. A video that she made was recommended to me again and it was about why Scott Disick shouldn’t be dating Sofia Richie. She basically goes into detail as many people have said about why this relationship isn’t going to work out. The age difference, Sofia is 21 while Scott is 36 so there’s a 15 year gap between them, Scott has three kids with another woman and she mentioned his past. To be honest I don’t care much about age difference as long as both parties are in legal age and it’s consent. I find the relationship between Scott and Sofia not problematic as many trying to make it out like. He doesn’t drink that much as he used to and it seems like he cleaned up his act because of her. I don’t think Sofia pushed to change him, but I do think she’s the reason along with his kids he decided to get his shit together. Although girls that are Sofia’s age are still trying to figure out everything and relationship with older man can go different ways until they look back and realise there were a lot of red flags. There are girls like Sofia are actually mature for her age and they know it too. One of the celebrity couples I’ll give an example is Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall. When they met each other, Humphrey was 45 and Lauren was 19. The way Lauren carries herself shows that she’s mature person for someone her age. Although the age difference is quite big, the two got married, had two kids and stayed married until bogart’s death in 1957. So it can work for some but not all.

Many would agree on Shallon when talking about the age difference but she comes off as hypocritical. She doesn’t agree with an older man dating a younger woman but is ok with an older woman dating a younger man. Her defense was younger women become sexually traumatised but apparently younger men aren’t going to share the same experience. This becomes more uncomfortable when funding out that she made tweets about Justin Bieber about having sex dreams with him in it. The tweet that was made in 2010, she was 25 and he was only 16. Why is a 25 year old woman tweeting on having sex dreams about a child. It’s creepy and disgusting.

When she talks about certain celebrities or even certain topics, majority of the time she acts like she knows what she’s talking about. It’s the way she says make you believe that everything she said 100% accurate to the point where it feels like she’s manipulating you. It seems like she considers herself as a physiology and has even try to diagnose celebrities based on what she has heard despite not being accurate. Her latest video is about Ellen DeGeneres and how to spot a psychopath. In video, she goes straight to Ellen and her marriage with Porsche by saying that Ellen was mean to her wife and refused to give her a baby. She says this is allegedly as what she has heard, but Portia on other hand said she doesn’t mind not having kids. The way she tries to self-diagnosis Ellen to see if she has psychopaths tendency and even try to compare Ellen to Adolf Hitler because they both love animals. I love animals does that mean I’m Hitler. It’s so weird and just ridiculous.

youtube

She tackles on another serious topic like Mental Health and suicide by making video about Pete Davidson. The video is titled “Ariana Grande & Pete Davidson: how beta males manipulate women”. There was certain time when Pete wasn’t in a good place. He deleted all of his social media accounts but before doing that he wrote a statement which appear to be a suicide note. Everyone was worried about his well-being. Pete has been about his mental health issues and how he suffers from Borderline Personallty Disorder and sometimes have suicidal thoughts. Shallon doesn’t like Pete because he’s not doing anything to fix his mental disorder. What Shallon is doing is victim-blaming and very insensitive as well. You can’t be fix in way as what she is implying there’s no cure for mental health. The only that Pete can do is seek treatment. People with BPD can get treatment but it’s not something that can be cured. She talked about where Pete did an interview with Charlemagne the god. It doesn’t seem like she even watched the video, because she sees Pete going to rehab or getting help in order to get more drugs. She also thinks that people suffering from BPD can’t seek treatment because it’s not something you can get treated because it’s part of your personality. This is so ignorant and incredibly harmful.

She mentions how in the interview Pete Davidson says he use to cut himself and how Charlemagne didn’t asked them in that when he actually did which shows that she didn’t watch the video at all. She also doesn’t think he goes to therapy when he actually does. Like she did with the Ellen DeGeneres video, she thinks him having bipolar disorder and even BPD is connected to his mother and sister. Like something bad happened in the family household. He lost his father due to 9/11 so he probably suffered from loss and trauma, But it’s not the way she’s implying at all. It’s like she’s saying he can’t have good and stable relationship with his mum and sister because he has a mental disorder. The way she talks about Pete shows how much she hates men who talk about their mental health issues. She is one of the reasons on why men have a hard time expressing their emotions and deciding to mental disorder they suffer from because it’s people like her whom are going shunned them and even said that they don’t deserve any love and happiness.

youtube

She also hates Selena Gomez and even calls Selena her “mortal enemy” even though Selena probably doesn’t know who she is. Her hatred towards Selena has to be an extend of her being attracted to Justin Bieber when he was 16. She says that she could help Selena and whatever issues that she’s battling but doesn’t want to because ‘Selena is annoying’. Imagine you going to therapy and telling your therapist how you been feeling and they says ‘I would love to help you but your annoying’. She says that if Selena dies from overdose than it’s our fault for not holding her accountable and says that Selena isn’t going to make it to 27. Her dying gets better. Which is completely disgusting and just insensitive. She says that Selena has bad tattoos and even though one of her tattoos is a semicolon that is located on her wrist. The semicolon actually means something very important which is a solidarity against suicide, depression and other mental health issues.

Overall Shallon Lester is a horrible white woman who doesn’t know what she’s talking about spreads false lies on people and does the harmful by trying to diagnose a person because you just don’t like them.

#shallon lester #mental health #selena gomez #pete davidson #insensitive #pedophillia #fake diagnosis #Youtube

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disabledrunner5 · 3 years

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As it’s my birthday in exactly 7 days and that’s also My Runner Five’s birthday (it’s one of the backstory things I’ve put in from my actual life to my Five, who is more of an oc than a self insert but also partly self insert), here’s part 1 of some crappy probably not exciting headcanons about Five’s birthdays:

Part 1- Pre-outbreak (part 2, that I will post next week, will be longer)

Five was born in January, but was two months early due to her mum having complications with her pregnancy.

Because of this she was severely ill at birth and almost died (several times) and was later diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy (left side Hemiplegia).

She was often coddled by her mum on her birthday because of this (Five doesn’t like being coddled)

But despite the coddling, growing up she LOVED her birthday.

Birthday presents are opened in the morning, birthday meal and cake are done in the evening

She was incredibly easy to buy a present for growing up (anything Doctor Who related and she’d be happy)

Only ate chocolate cake for her birthday. It became a same food for her (for those who foods that autistic people always like to eat because of varying things such as routine or texture of the foods and taste and texture of other foods- actually don’t take my word on that, that’s how I understand it, I’m actually autistic and a lot of same foods I’m also terrible at explaining things)

Her dad, Joel, (or Canton Five as he’d later be known) built her a TARDIS for her ninth birthday.

She preferred quiet birthdays with a few friends over and immediate family.

With the exception of her 18th, for her 18th birthday her mum said she had to have a massive party so she did.

she was emotionally exhausted after that, having to stop herself from having noise related sensory overloads all day. her dad was sympathetic though and her mum said that probably wasn’t the best idea she’d had.

The last birthday before the Apocalypse, (her 21st) she went out with her mum, dad, brother and her best friend at university for a meal.

Then the apocalypse happened and because she doesn’t like being reminded of the past, she doesn’t like to celebrate her birthdays anymore and doesn’t mention when her birthday is to anyone... but Sam and the gang at Abel might have a say about that...

#runner 5 #runner five #zombies run #abel township #pre outbreak #headcanons #part 2 will be out next Thursday #which is both my and my five’s birthday

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eupd-life-4-me · 3 years

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Today I’d like to go outside and walk as far as my physical imprisonments and limitations allow. Although I know the serotonin endorphins will flow and it will definitely change the course of my negative thought processes, I can’t help but wonder what it feels like to be somebody else. Anybody else.

Through previous therapies, I’ve learned that self awareness and understanding why I have these intrusive thoughts is an important process for me. It’s quite remarkable that I cannot access the specific therapy where I live for EUPD/BPD which is Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT

Generally speaking, I trust nobody. Yes I’ve been hurt I past relationships and had my fair share of pain but everybody goes through that at some stage in their lives. My thought process when it comes to trust runs a little lot deeper than that. I’m actually quite surprised that I’m sharing this at all. Still waters run deep. But the way I’m viewing life at the moment, I just want to extend an olive branch (metaphorically speaking!) The main reason being to express my understanding and with passion, reach out to those who are struggling with certain aspects of their mental health journey and looking for some kind of answers. I’m no guru and I don’t claim to have all the answers. I myself are still struggling with my personal mental health but the self awareness I learned is a priceless tool to help take off some of that symbolic weight off your shoulders.

Right, well I’ve kind of introduced myself and if you’re still there reading this, take my (virtual) hand because you are never alone. If you don’t quite find this relatable that’s okay too. It’s a common misconception that if somebody has the same disorder(s)/label(s) that you must be battling through days in the same way. Take me for example. I have multiple diagnoses but I’m focusing on EUPD. Which is a little ironic because I find it extremely difficult to focus on one task at a time. You may have noticed already! Apologies for future reference!

It’s unhealthy, I know but the way I have been dealing with the trust issue is not to trust at all. As I mentioned already, the CPN I had for therapy was amazing! She helped me so much and from what we talked through in the sessions, it was almost like she’d been there herself. She never revealed anything like that to me but I just had a gut feeling. She’d talk about EUPD and what you may feel in certain situations but when I opened up to her sometimes hysterically crying.

Imagine my horror when she told me she was pregnant. That sounds really selfish and don’t get me wrong, I was happy for her and knew what a good Mum she’d be. But as I congratulated her and gave her a hug (Before lockdown!), I realised that meant she would be going on maternity leave. She explained my options for when she went and told me she was going to take a year out to enjoy her baby. But my heart hurt because it was the end of an era! The mental health team paired me with an different psychologist but he was male and for reasons I won’t go into just yet, I just couldn’t find courage to sit in a room with him for an hour a week. I felt like I wouldn’t be able to start over and trust like before. That was the end of my Therapy and I never went back.

She taught me things that I will always take with me and think about. Which I’m going to share with you in my next post. I’ve written quite a lot for you to take in for now but I’ll let you in on a little secret before I take my furbaby (all 8 stones of him!) out for a walk. Not that I’m I the mood to at all though I’ll just add!

So one of the things she taught me was that it was ok to cry. Because every time I cried in the sessions (which was a weekly occurrence!) I would continually apologise for snivelling and breaking down. It’s just human nature when you see a loved one crying for you to tell them not to cry. Because it hurts them to see you so sad. But honestly the next time you want to cry whether it’s silent tears to yourself living on your own (me) or pouring your heart out to a loved one just ask them to let you cry. Crying is a natural act of sadness most of the time. The same as laughter is when you’re happy or in my case manic! I asked her what I should do when I’m manic. Her answer to that was simply ........... ENJOY IT WHILST IT LASTS!!!

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yyxgin · 3 years

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no bar!! never fret about replying late. i know what it’s like to not want to talk to anyone. honestly. i won’t call it (my experience) a depressive episode bc one of my friends used to brush off me when i was saying things like i’m depressed and say ‘sad’ instead. like if i were to say ‘that made me/i am depressed’ she’d say something like ‘oh god same! like if it’s making you sad,, don’t do it.’ which is a v poor example of what she did but i never called it depressed after that bc she pissed me off n was disregarding of my feelings (even though she’s incredibly anxious herself) bc i didn’t get it officially diagnosed. idk if you’ve ever read about birth control pills but i always read on tumblr people calling them literal depression pills and i ignored it, thinking either 1) people were being dramatic / were over-dramatising it or 2) it wouldn’t happen to me anyway. it fucking happened and they were not being dramatic. i was never happy n always working on minimal sleep n making self depreciating jokes all the time bc it was the only way i could cope with my thoughts n constant mood swings. so what i’m trying to say is,, i know how it feels. if that’s any consolation. it’s not me trying to be ‘oh me too!’ or ‘mine was worse than you’ it’s just me being understanding n telling you it’s okay. also lemme at your friends!! i’ll stomp them out n get the barman to run them over for you!! they’re so mean to forget you!! i find that deciding i want to do something specific n then asking the appropriate people if they want to do saïd thing/place works for me. it can be a simple ‘we should do this, when are you free?’ helps. making it known that you want to do things helps. or aggressively remind them that it’s nice to be asked bc it means they thought of you even if you couldn’t go n tried to include you. or we can revisit me stomping them out w my beloved barman,,, whatever works best for you my dear <3

admittedly me and one of the girls were discussing that we are going to miss our manager. even though literally everyone moaned about her (i feel like it’s impossible to avoid in literally any job/situation) she did have her moments and she did a lot for the staff like after work-drinks, asking the chefs if we could order off of the customer menu instead of the staff menu or whatever they cook in bulk for everyone to take home in the evening. apparently she did this a lot more than the previous manager. she has a good heart but sometimes she ignored some of the girls when we ask for days off or our availability for the week which was very annoying of her. it could’ve been a lot worse, i suppose, but overall she wasn’t terrible.

thé lady who lives in my town and drops me given the chance, told me the other night that she used to be the duty manager. i asked her why she stopped and she explained that when they furloughed everyone they asked her to come back on like half pay or something? idk i just remember it being explained as they wanted her to come back sooner and take away her furlough so she said no and got demoted. but somehow she still gets some of the furlough? idk i have been taught that asking how much or discussing specifics of paychecks kind of thing is rude, growing up. she has been telling me they keep asking her to come back (now they’re asking her to be a supervisor since she declined the manager role) and she keeps saying no. i love her and want the best for her so i won’t say anything to anyone about the conversations me and her have had (i mean, apart from maybe my mum if i can remember, and you bc, let’s be real, you don’t know me and idk you) and she says they’re just difficult to work with as a management team. she even said our area manager isn’t impressed with our current assistant manager (who is currently the only person on an houred contract since our manager left) which shocked me since i personally think he is quite good considering he has a good relationship with the staff and kitchen (he’s thai so he can communicate with the kitchen better than most of the wait staff (some wait staff are thai but mostly not)) i think she doesn’t want to be the eldest person in management or she doesn’t want the age gap to be so big since she has a kid she can lecture at home, she doesn’t need to be looking after people at work, y’know?

also today, me and one of the girls were upstairs (two floors of the restaurant!) and it’s nearing 11pm and her brother (who also works there) comes up and asks us when we’re finishing (mostly her lol) but we had two tables just sitting talking amongst themselves so she just said idk. he was saying he wanted to go bc he’s tired etc n he’s driving n she was like it’s fine go home i’ll call an uber or something n he was refusing to leave her behind. (i feel like i brushed over the two tables sitting there but it must be noted they’re the only tables left in the entire restaurant and we were the only two wait staff still there, apart from her brother but he changed and was waiting downstairs). anyway, she was sweeping (i was cleaning the booth/sofa thingy chairs as it was a mundane task we could do to pass time and while she was sweeping by one of the tables thé boyfriend was whispering to his girlfriend saying ‘should we go?’ and the girlfriend said ‘why should i care?’ and the girl came over to tell me v quietly and i got so upset for her. bc she is literally the sweetest person on the earth and the only reason i didn’t go to ask the manager to see if i could go home with the lady who offers to take me (ex-duty manager lady!) was so she wasn’t alone up there. if i had been the one sweeping near that table i would’ve snapped so fucking hard at them. i mean, we’re 18 and have lives and sleep schedules, and we’re working until 11pm on a thursday before we even get home?? like i wouldn’t have minded staying if they were reasonable tables but after the gf said that i was like ‘shall i go get our stuff from the staff room?’ so i could split as fast as possible. in the end the temporary acting manager came up and told us we could finish and she kicked the tables out ten minutes later. i told her what the table saïd and she thought that was mean and unnecessary too. i was also worried about my sleep tonight since i have my first vaccine tomorrow morning. that’s why i was more pressed about what time i left work today. oh well.

im sorry for talking so much about work! sometimes i don’t have someone to talk to about it (at home) bc of my weird hours and sometimes i don’t like re-explaining things to my mum if she doesn’t get it the first seven times. sometimes it’s just a little too draining as she doesn’t understand since she’s a lifer at her job. it’s easier to explain to my dad but then i get a whole lecture on something that i ultimately have no control over n id rather just bitch w the girls at work but the problem is WE’RE AT WORK!!!

also i booked for my first tattoo!! i’m excited. it’s for next week,, which was super quick considering i was expecting to have to wait soooo much longer. i’ve been telling people about it and that it’s happening but i haven’t had the pleasure of telling people exactly where i got the idea from. bar, my dear, you know wheein’s new album, redd? well, it comes with loads of things, including these stickers (one for each song) and the one from springtime was just so perfect and when i saw it my first thought was, this would be a perfect tattoo. and so i am having it tattooed on my body. a subtle nod to kpop whilst also having something meaningful on my body. i also have just decided i want a small, minimalistic (or one-line art) rose on my sternum, kind of in the valley of my breasts, bc my nan was a rose. i like having her close to me. i recently got her necklace fixed which has left me feeling so incomplete after it broke in august last year. it’s been almost ten years and i think i’m long overdue something to remind me of her. i fiddle with my necklace when i’m nervous which is why i love it so much but incase it breaks again (i pray it doesn’t but i have a long life ahead of me) i would like her close still.

gosh there’s never enough space in my head to remember what i want to tell you so i’ll stop here for now since i should sleep to be able to wake up in time for my first jab. i’m scared but it’s whatever i’ll do it i suppose,, eeek 😨

ilyl ~ 🌻

thank you so much for opening up to me about this, it means a lot to me :( i am so sorry you had to go through this and honestly,, i really resonate with you. i feel like when i talk about my emotions and my sadness (dont know if its okay to call it depression either but yea), my friend either always either makes me feel like my emotions arent valid or she tells me she doesnt know how to help, which is frankly, why i dont talk about my emotions to people irl anymore. i dont open up and it takes me a long long time to do so if i ever do, because i tend to feel insecure/not safe :D so really, thank you for telling me and i hope you are doing better. your emotions are valid and i am always here for you

HAHAHA i mean i dont have many friends so theres not many to stomp on:( but i mean,, i get passive aggressive when i feel forgotten/left out so you best believe i told my friend how im feeling, but like uhhh it didnt do much. i spent the whole weekend at work and i was free on friday but my friend decided to ditch me and yeah. i havent been out in like two weeks now and i mean i am an introvert so i dont mind that much but even i want to socialise sometimes

aah i mean every manager has their flaws, no one’s perfect. my manager keeps calling me to go to work even though i was literally there for 11 hours on saturday AND sunday which means i worked for 20 hours in two days. and i work 20 hours a week at max. and i already worked some hours before the weekend so i think i have like 30 hours now and she keeps calling??? dude i need a break too,,i am so exhausted and tired of this shit :dd

oh i totally get what the lady that drops you off sometimes told you. i would feel a little iffy if i heard it too, but like,,,judge by your own experiences!! if you feel like something is off, you can always leave,, so i wouldn’t be so stressed about it.

why are people so rude ??? dude,,you should care, because we are all human. everyone has their needs and their lives and i bet he wouldnt like it if he was the one in your place. why should you stay there longer just because he didnt want to leave?? that was so unnecessary. people are weird beings and i learnt that after working with them this weekend,,,like i litereally got screamed at because i couldnt accept cash in different currency. like,,what tf do you want me to do?? i dont have every single currency with me so i could give u the change ?? tf ??

ALSO ITS OKAY TALK ABOUT YOUR WORK HOWEVER MUCH YOU WANT !!!! i also feel like i dont have anyone to talk to about work bc my parents dont listen to me as much as they used to these days and my friend unsurprisingly just doesnt care bc she doesnt work,, and i dont wanna talk to my internet friends abt it as much bc i feel annoying so i am glad us two can talk about these things together !!!!

YOUR FIRST TATTOOOO WHOAAAH thats so cool. i love tattoos hihi dfkja idk if u already had the appointment but tell me how it went after !! i wasnt able to find the sticker on the internet but im sure it looks hella pretty. also i love how it reminds you both of kpop and your grandma, its wonderful <3 i really want to get a tattoo one day,, and i also want something meaningful (not that i am hating on people that tattoo themselves just for fun and have no meaning behind their tattoos i just have commitment issues so i want something long lasting). alSO my crush (yes i have a crush now ew) has a tattoo and it looks like satan lowkey,,but apparently its a japanese something (i forgot the word oopsies) and it means jealousy, bad past and wisdom ?? i was like BOY IF U DONT??? fjdkla he has blue hair btw i am very much whipped but he also doesnt know me and i am older than him so this is embarrassing

ALSO I HOPE YOURE FEELING WELL AFTER GETTING THE VACCINE !!!

ily <333

#💌ask #🌻 anon

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bogariel-frogariel · 4 years

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Taking A Breather

Adaine ducks out of a party to get a breather. She’s not the only one that needed a break from everyone.

Introducing my OC.

Find it here on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25262344

Tell me if you want more.

----

Adaine was getting bored.

She hadn't even wanted to go to this party.

However, when your sister helps cause a revolution and a complete restructure of a government's systems, inadvertently landing herself as one of the four newly elected Queens of Fallinel, you kind of need to attend a few formal social events.

That, combined with the fact that ever since she'd turned seventeen, she had been receiving many more inquiries and requests from various governments and magical institutions throughout Spyre, asking for her to act in her role as the Oracle meant that Adaine's calendar was much more full than she'd ever anticipated it being two years ago before she started high school.

Her face was starting to hurt from the polite smile she'd needed to wear for what was dawning on two hours now as she talked to politicians and important religious and magical figures from High Court, Solace and Fallinel at the banquette formally celebrating the renewed alliance between the three nations.

She knew she couldn't retreat to the library, even though she had been itching to explore it all day. The old elven castle the party was in was thousands of years old, perhaps millennia. However, Aelwyn had asked her to (told her to, really) not go into the library during the party. Adaine knew this was important to her sister, and they had both been trying really hard to be better sisters over the past year, so she'd agreed.

Besides, she could join Ayda (and by extension Fig) in the library tomorrow.

But she just really needed to escape right now.

Riz wasn't here, off at work, Gorgug and Zelda had (surprisingly) snuck off somewhere an hour ago, Fig and Ayda were (as previously stated) in the library, Rag was flirting with an elf (Adaine recognised as Queen Amara's twin brother), Fabian was sticking close to her sister, who was surrounded by a crowd of admirers, and Kristen had (unsurprisingly) slipped away from the party with Tracker an hour ago. They had barely left each other alone since they'd reunited four weeks ago after months apart, since the werewolf had also been instrumental in the revolution, and was now toting the title of High Priestess of Galicaea.

She just needed a few minutes to recharge, away from people.

So, Adaine ducked into the first narrow, shadowy corridor that she found.

For a moment, she allowed herself to sag in relief at finally, finally being alone. However, she turned a little more and froze, suddenly glimpsing someone sitting on the floor, poking their out from a blanket, which they'd thrown over their head.

The person stood up and both of them stood, staring at each other for a few seconds.

The first thing that Adaine registered was the fact that the girl (or so Adaine thought, but living with Kristen had meant that she'd learnt to make sure she got confirmation anyway) had not, in fact, been wearing a blanket, but had curled her wings in front of her. Her brilliantly black wings. As Adaine stared at her, she saw little white dotes flicker to life across the wings, quickly joined by some dark purple swirls, making them look like a picture from space.

"Umm…" she girl said and Adaine tore her eyes away from her wings and looked at her face properly.

The girl had dark skin, fine pointed ears that spoke of elven ancestry, and wavy, brilliantly white-silver hair that contrasted against her dark purple eyes that were rimmed with a sparkling gold. Adaine's heart hammered against her chest.

She was snapped out of her reverie when the girl tucked a book into the folds of her midnight blue gown.

She stuck her hand out to the girl.

"Hello, my name is Adaine Abernant, my pronouns are she/her."

Kristen would be so proud. A month ago, she'd spent a week making them practice the greetings whenever they entered a room she was in.

The girl blinked at Adaine for a second, her eyes widening. Adaine cringed internally. She didn't know how she would take more gushing or ass kissing.

However, after a second, the girl took her hand.

"I'm Rhaezella Starkterian, my pronouns are also she/her. Pleasure to meet you."

Adaine immediately recognised the name. "You're Queen Amara's sister."

She winced when Rhaezella pursed her lips. "Sorry."

The girl waved her off. "That's fine. You'll forgive me for acknowledging that you're the Oracle then, Princess."

Adaine couldn't stop her scowl at the second title and Rhaezella smirked.

"Yes. It's kind of ridiculous that we get those titles just because of our sister."

Adaine rolled her eyes. "And we have to keep them for the rest of our lives, even after they get voted out in fifty years."

Rhaezella snorted. "I think they were trying to prank us."

Adaine shared a grin with the girl. "So, you're looking for a refuge as well?"

Rhaezella sighed. "Sick of people trying to earn my favour."

Adaine nodded, her brain finally starting to work properly as she realised she remembered the name from more than just the queen.

"You're about to be tested for Archmage, right?"

Similar to the Oracle title, the Archmage was a life-long title given to a prominent and powerful magic user, who would work as a sort of anchor for magic to redistribute throughout Spyre. Whilst the Oracle looked to the future, the Archmage took care of the present, helping stabilise the magic in the planet's core, which was liable to become unstable without a living being to ground it. However, instead of automatically passing on automatically, the title was passed on when a suitable candidate came into contact with a jewel at the base of the Mountains of Chaos.

Fig had been asked to try for the position a few months ago, but the giant amethyst hadn't reacted to her touch.

Adaine supposed, with travel between nations becoming easier than it was a millennia ago, when Archmage candidates had to quest to find the previously unmapped location, the jewel could afford to be picky.

Rhaezella grimaced. "Yes. Being one of the few still living demigods has its perks I guess."

Adaine nodded awkwardly. She'd heard the story of the elfling who had one day sprouted wings and then been snatched into the Outer Planes by the gods moments later, only to then be imprisoned by the Elven government when she finally escaped her captivity by the gods years later.

Demigods were usually either taken by the gods (who had all seemed to dislike other gods having progeny on the mortal plane) or taken advantage of by governments seeking their power.

Being Archmage was really the safest position for her.

Personally, Adaine found it ironic that devils were nicer to their children than the gods.

"Umm… I like your dress… and your hair," the girl stuttered, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had fallen between them.

Adaine felt her cheeks heat up and her heart stuttered. She tucked her hair behind her ear self-consciously. She had allowed it to grow out over the last year, not bothering to cut it anymore like her parents had always made her. She knew it was very stereotypical of her, to have almost waste length hair; and that having such long hair had fallen out of style centuries ago, but it felt like rebellion against her mother, and Aelwyn had encouraged her when she'd voiced the idea.

She'd probably have to cut it soon though. It could be terribly annoying on adventures. Although, it did feel rather nice when she let others braid it.

She bunched her other hand up in her silky dress that was rather tight to her to her thighs fanning out from there. Aelwyn and Fig had pulled it out of the store because they had never seen her wear something like that before. She'd agreed to it for its colour; which was a blue so pale it was almost silver.

"Thank you," she muttered, before stammering, "Umm… I like your -" everything, everything looked pretty, "hair as well. The waves are really pretty."

"And your snake," she added with some shock as a black serpent appeared over the girl's shoulder. Adaine hadn't noticed it coiled around her waist.

Rhaezella pet the snake absentmindedly. "Her name is Cerridwen. They were a gift from my mother. My godly one. She's a shape shifter - nothing my mum makes is really… one thing. It comes with being the goddess of chaos and magic with no church. There are too many magic users and people so they are always… changing. But I love my familiar. She… helps when it gets too much."

Adaine grinned, pulling Boggy out of the purse that was slunk over her shoulder.

"I have a familiar as well. His name is Bogariel Frogariel. Or, Boggy the Froggy."

Rhaezella laughed and Adaine hugged Boggy close.

"I used a spell to summon him, so he can also change forms. He helps me with my anxiety."

Adaine had a moment of panic after she said that. She'd gotten too personal too soon.

However, Rhaezella just nodded in understanding. "I got Cerridwen before I was formally diagnosed, but my therapist says they help me."

Rhaezella she grimaced, flicking her hair behind her shoulder. "My sister just messaged me."

Adaine winced sympathetically.

Rhaezella sighed, smoothing out her skirt. Suddenly, Adaine didn't really want to be alone anymore.

"Why don't we go out there together?"

The girl glanced up, furrowing her eyebrows. "You don’t want to escape the party? I won't tell on you."

Adaine smiled. "Nah. It's alright. I'd rather have someone I like to talk to, even if I have to deal with everyone else."

Rhaezella beamed at her. "I would like that too."

The demigod gestured down the corridor. "Shall we then?"

Adaine nodded and started walking.

As they emerged into the light, she glanced to her side. It would be better if they were talking. It would discourage at least some of the vultures.

"What book were you reading."

Rhaezella blushed. "I'll only tell you if you promise not to tell any of the queens. I was meant to stay out of the library."

"So I brought some of it with you," Adaine said with a grin. "And deal."

She made a note to wear a dress with a large skirt and pockets at the next one of these functions.

However, as she launched into an animated discussion with Rhaezella that lasted almost the whole night, resuming whenever they were left alone, she thought she might not need to.

#dimension 20: fantasy high #dimension 20 #adaine fantasy high #fantasy high #fantasy high fanfic #dimension 20 fanfiction #adaine abernant #my oc

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realentjbutitmightchangetbh · 4 years

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I'e read that you have severe anxiety. I, an entj like you, also suffer from this condition, sometimes going as far as having panic attacks. I would like to ask you, how do you cope with it, how do you "defeat" it?

I'd like to start by saying that I don't exactly cope, because I was only diagnosed less than a year ago. It's been increasingly obvious since I was about 16, and at one point a doctor even told my mum that all my physical symptoms were caused by severe stress, but I forgot about that until recently (I remember now that my mum told me to get over it, in front of the doctor).

It's hard to know what's anxiety and what's stress (there's a lot of trauma to work through, and current events in the family are hard to ignore) but I guess management is the same.

Here are some things I do to keep the monsters away.

Prevention:

- keep a clean and tidy environment. I keep my room tidy and pretty, with warm, low light (I never open my blinds). I got rid of a lot of stuff, and I went out and bought furniture that was raised so I could see the ground beneath it if that makes sense. If I can't see the clear floor under furniture, I get uptight thinking about all the dust that could be under there. I even bought a fold out couch I keep as a seat during the day, because i like a clear floor so much. Writing this down, I realise I have a problem...

I struggle with keeping the rest of the house clean because I have no choice but to live with my toxic parents rn, but I've made a nice room for myself, and i try not to spend too much time with them.

- I eat properly. I have a protein based breakfast with three servings of vegetables. I drink a lot of water (i found that I drink more when I use my leak proof tumblr with a straw, so I don't have to unscrew and screw the lid). I try stay away from processed and sugary food, which is hard in this house. When I have junk food I remind myself that a little won't kill me and there's no point eating it if I'm just going to feel guilty about it.

I have a bad relationship with food really. I feel like I eat more than I do, and i loose weight easily, I often forget to eat, and i feel guitly going for seconds. But I'm getting better?? I try not to think about it too much.

- sleep is important. I function best when I do lights out at ten, read till ten thirty, sleep with an eye mask and ear plugs in, and wake up to an alarm at about seven. I have an app on my phone that will wake me up around a set time, depending on where my sleep cycle is. I haven't been sleeping well lately, coz family issues, but anyway.

What I do when I feel normal (normal is anxious for me. I say I do these things, but i often forget or just can't do them, hence the "severe" anxiety):

- relax my shoulders. This simple act helps a lot.

- breathe, specially. Inhale for three, hold for eight, exhale for about five.

- shake my hands. Sounds weird, but it works. Any physical activity works, especially dance. Movement is great for processing trauma, which is where my anxiety comes from.

- sing. Obviously not something I can do in public, but i heard someone tell me it works coz of a particular nerve. Idk, I'd been singing for anxiety for years before they told me.

- notice my surroundings. Just taking note of what I feel, see , etc . Again, I'd been doing this for years before they told me it helps.

- talk to someone. It's more of a rant.

- don't seek validation from toxic people. People like my parents who will tell me there's no such thing as anxiety, or that I'm selfish, or that I need to trust in God more, which brings me to my next point.

- talk to God. I understand this isn't for everyone, but God is always a comfort somehow. Any time I need it, and I never have to ask, He gives me exactly what I need (little blessings here and there, things to keep me going).

- cry. Self explanatory I think.

- sleep, if you can. It helps.

- tea. Best tea for anxiety for me is passion flower. Camomile is great too, and a pinch of lavender enhances the passion flower and camomile.

Yeah I don't really manage it. I just kind of live, forget I have anxiety, get stressed, remember I was diagnosed, remember I have things to be stressed about that I can't just ignore, and then I get it in control just for the cycle to begin again. I can't get rid of symptoms if they're being caused by a sociopath father, a mother who never dealt with her own trauma, a sister with ptsd and two kids and a paedophile ex husband, and another sister who is trying to get help for her self harming, suicide attempt that she stopped herself half way through from doing, and then there's the issue of my parents not letting her get help (its been three months since she's asked) and my parents are blaming me for all of it because they're incapable of taking responsibility.

Anyway. I think I triggered myself. I think I'd just like to say that its important to distinguish between anxiety, stress, and trauma. I hope this helps?

#entj #mbti #mbti types #realentj #anxiety #stress #trauma

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