#oh god anyway this is a mess just listen to my song if you'd like kghf

[ivysangel]

in an alternate universe partition was written about dick grayson because it's so him i just KNOWWW he'd do that shit!! with his cocky smile and everything 🤭

NONNIE NONNIE NONNIE !!!!!!! saw this ask half asleep while checking my notifs and had to force myself to get some rest instead of answering it bc i got SO excited even in my delirious half asleep state. obviously i'm listening to it rn while writing this, like NONNIE ??? i'm smiling, literally not joking i'm cheesin like a fucking loser. quick ro lore before we get into the GOOD stuff: massive beyoncé stan, MASSIVE partition stan !!!! massive music lover and pop culture fiend too like this might just be my favorite ask ever. anyway.

who said in an alternate universe bc it's definitely this one. i literally ghostwrote the song with dick grayson in mind err? like i do just wanna be the girl he likes (everybody point and laugh). like the song, aside from being about super hot sex, is about being so into your partner that you'll give everything to them, do anything for them, put all this effort into catching their eye as if you don't already have it. 'take all of me i just wanna be the girl you like' (cassie in euphoria s2 is that u?) IS SOOOOOOOOOOO REAL TO ME !!!!! like i would do anything for him. (side note, why am i listening to partition and hearing jay on the bg vocals? like am i going insane orrr)

(everything under the cut is just smut)

'he popped all my buttons and he ripped my blouse/he monica lewinski'd all on my gown' and 'took forty-five minute to get all dressed up and we ain't even gon' make it to this club' ??? oh exactly. you put all this effort into looking good for him, and unlke CASSIE in eufuckingphoria season 2, it works out for you oh my god it does. 'driver roll up the partition please/i don't need you seein' yoncé on her knees' bc...car sex. but you're not going to a club, no it's a wayne enterprises gala and you don't even get there until hours later because you're almost fully naked in the back seat getting dicked down by dick grayson !!

'handprints and footprints on my glass, handprints and good grips all on my ass' ugh real music literally real fucking music. you're straddling him as he manspreads, cock buried in you, and your fingernails are digging into the black leather seats. his ties been loosened, shirt opened, and there's red smudged on top of blooming hickeys. the glass is foggy, the only semi clear parts being your handprints from when the pleasure got overwhelming. 'now my mascara runnin', red lipstick smudged/oh, he so horny yeah, he want to fuck' like it's dick grayson, he'd fuck you into next week on a normal day so ofc he'd do it when you get all dolled up. ofc everyone's wondering when pretty boy grayson's gonna make an appearence in front of the flashing cameras. 'over there i swear, i saw them cameras flash' rolls down the partition just a smidge, to tell the driver to park somewhere private so you're not caught in an extremely compromising position. not that he really cares, everyone already knows he gets play anyways, it's more about your comfortability. tits out and pussy facing the world, on the cover of tmz and shit bc he got just a bit too cocky. no never that.

'cheauffer eavesdroppin' tryin' not to crash' you and the driver both end up getting a tip that night. he's sorry, he really is. but he just couldn't resist you, not when you were dressed like that. your intention was to have amazing mind blowing sex with dick that night but not in the back of a moving car. 'driver roll up the partition, please/i don't need you seein' yoncé on her knees' bc it was just supposed to be some quick head and now his pants are ruined, your dress is torn, hair messed up on both ends, and the amount of hickeys between the both of you is concerning.

you'd do it all again tho, and he knows you would. shit, he would too !!! and that's so evident in the way he teases you for the next few weeks about it. asking if he should take the dress to the dry cleaners knowing it looks like you'd been in a fight, suggesting you wear the lipstick shade from that night, asking if you need a cheauffer anytime you have to go anywhere, and giving you knowing looks everytime someone asks why you guys showed up at the gala over an hour late. "wardrobe malfunction and car trouble." he says with a smile. it looks normal to whoever you're talking to but you know it holds a level of cockiness that is so completely unfathomable, a level of cockiness he only gets when he fucks you.

(got a little carried away nonnie my b. ughh how i love a good lyrical breakdown, even out of order lol. seriously, this made my day. literally woke up and got straight to it. did not proofread this bc i...just woke up lmao)

#★ dirty laundry ★ #dick grayson lover #dick grayson x reader #dick grayson smut #nightwing smut #nightwing x reader

[littledemondani]

Oh my god you're gonna regret giving me permission to share more fuckboy!Eddie thoughts 😫 That man is gonna be the death of my coochie!

But anyways here you go! I hope this inspires you to write more about him because MISS MAAM U R SO INSANELY TALENTED LIKE??? HOW R U EVEN REAL OMG THIS APP SO BLESSED TO HAVE YOU IN IT

• when you compliment fuckboy!Eddie he's a fucking GONER. It could be something as simple as "oh that shirt looks good on you" and his cheeks will just FLARE UP but of course he has to maintain that grouchy image so he'll be like "shut up >:(" but his flushed face and soft bambi eyes will beg for you to compliment him more <3

• one time when he's jerking off, he's trying so hard to really focus on the dirty magazines or the actual porn in front of him but he just won't GET THERE. Like he'll try different positions and even consider calling up one of his girls that he can get a quickie with BUT THEN he thinks of you and he comes HARD AND FAST LOL <3

• he's so fucking smooth with all the other people, like he can easily flirt and throw somebody a wink but when it comes to you he's a helpless stuttering mess!!! Which frustrates him to no end because he's like "what the fuck is going on with me" but then again he's also an idiot who won't admit that he's catching feelings <3

• he starts to associate things with you even without him trying or noticing. Like let's say he's out having lunch with his friends and somebody orders the same thing that you'd usually order, he'll be like "oh I know someone who also always goes for that" or when he hears your favorite song or favorite artist on the radio he'll smile and chuckle and HE'LL EVEN TURN IT UP EVEN IF HE HATES THE SOUND OF IT BECAUSE IT REMINDS HIM OF YOU <3

• i guess his last straw is when your ex comes back and somehow tries to win you back. JEALOUS FUCKBOY!EDDIE HERE WE GO <3 i think that's when he'll realize it's time to actually take shit seriously or else he'll lose you forever.

ANYWAY THAT IS ALL 🫡 IM GLAD TO HAVE BEEN OF SERVICE

OH MY GOD!!!! GORL PUH LEASE!!!!!!!

listen— i have always hc that fuckboy eddie is in hella denial about his feelings. i may, at some point, write a little blurb about his backstory and how he met reader.

(also, you are too sweet to me. 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 ily) BUT!!

i love the idea that he can’t cum while reading his dirty mags or watching porn. i think at some point, he also starts to do this while with other girls.

he starts comparing them to you. they don’t touch him the same way, kiss him the same way, suck his cock the way you do, moan the way you do, pull on his hair the same way, or whisper the nastiest filth while he’s balls deep inside of them.

#asks #anonymous #fuckboy!eddie #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson smut #eddie munson hcs

[slugtranslation-hypmic]

would you ever consider translating sasara and rosho’s new duet? i’m sure it would be a real undertaking what with all the manzai, but i’ve always loved your style of localizing jokes! hope you’re having a great day!

You're very kind. Just for you, anon, I'll brave the horror of Dotsuhon lyrics translation. Under a cut for length. This post is so long Tumblr won't save all of it, so it'll have to be done in two goes.

Notes about style: No attempt to preserve rhyme or rhythm. Likewise, no attempt to match the vocal tone/line delivery/line length of the voice actors. (Ie, I'm not writing subtitles, so it might sound odd if you try to listen to the song at the same time as reading this.) The primary focus is on written tone, including wordplay, so strict adherence to literal meaning is not observed. In particular, since this is supposed to sound like a (radio?) comedy sketch, I'm trying to write it with the generally jocular tone such a performance would have in English. Some notes on jokes to follow for those curious. Sasara and Roshou: Hey, folks! Sasara: You're listening to the one and only Dotsuitare Hompo from Osaka. Roshou: Thanks for having us tonight! Sasara: We're Sasara Nurude and... Roshou: ...Roshou Tsutstujimori. Sasara: We usually have a third guy with us, our older buddy Rei Amayado, but he wasn't able to make it for some reason or another. So, you're stuck with the two of us today. Roshou: Sorry, sorry, and thanks again for having us. Sasara: Anyway, things sure are tough out there these days, huh? Roshou: You're telling me. Sasara: So I'd like to get on the mic and say a couple of jokes, cheer folks up a little bit in this whole mess. Roshou: You? You're the biggest mess there is. [1] But you're right. All anyone needs is a good, hot meal and a couple of laughs, and they're set. Sasara: Yeah! A good, hot banquet or three and a personal comedian. All a person needs in life! Roshou: A tad more expensive than I'd intended, but sure. Sasara: And then if you get a good night's sleep with a warm futon riiiight on the floor, then you're in heaven! Roshou: Wait, hold on. You'll catch a cold sleeping like that! You need a quilt or something at least. Sasara: But then what if I overheat? I'd rather quilt while I'm in bed. Roshou: ...Wait, you messed that up. It's supposed to be "quilt while I'm ah--" whatever, let's move on. [2] [Chorus] Sasara and Roshou: We'll keep our chins up and get through this bad time. And we'll set the whole city laughing until even Tsuutenkaku cracks up. [3] Sasara: Don't worry, everybody. I know things are pretty turbulent right now, but it won't last forever. And hey, at least the state of the world right now is like okonomiyaki, and we all know how much I love that! [4] Roshou: In what sense? Sasara: It keeps getting flipped upside down! [5] Roshou: Oh my god, Sasara. Well, at times like this, it never hurts to have seafood... Sasara: I see food, I eat it! Roshou: ...or anything fried... Sasara: After all this chaos, I know I'm fried. Roshou: ...not to mention smothered in sauce. Sasara: You getting saucy with me, mister? [6] But now you're talking my language! And also, the other day I sewed a--wait, did someone say soda? [7] Roshou: Yes, yes, we all know you love cream soda, but you don't need to bring it into every conversation! Sasara: OK(nomiyaki), that's fair. [8] Roshou: Same goes for okonomiyaki! Sasara: Geez, Roshou, what's your problem? Work with me here; commit to the bit. Roshou: Bit of what? [9] Sasara: The routine! That's my motto: always commit to the bit. Roshou: Well, maybe you'd finally get somewhere in life if you tried committing to the whole thing. [10] Sasara: Hey, low blow. We don't all come with your level of ginger. Roshou: No, but you know what does? Okonomiyaki! [11]

#dotsuitare hompo #hypmic translations #hypmic asks

[fearforthestorm]

How is 'no children' misrepresented and what is it actually about? <- genuinely curious and likes people ranting about things like this (and only really knows about the 'hand in unlovable hand' line though maybe that's part of the problem(?))

oh god okay so. how much tmg lore do you want because if we want to get into no children we're gonna get into the alpha couple and they've literally been present in the music since the very first tape ever released under the name the mountain goats over 30 years ago. actually yknow what it's 2am I don't want to mess things up I'll just give you this:

that's the backstory that's what no children is about. the song is so named because (paraphrasing a quote) "if there's one thing I know about this couple it's that the world will be better for it if they never have children". and here's the thing is that no children is a REALLY cathartic song I don't fault people for enjoying it and god knows that it's fun to belt at concerts but it is NOT a love song. it is not a song about a relationship that is in any way good or stable or healthy. it is about a couple that are bad for eachother and for everyone around them and should get divorced but are never going to because filing those papers is a few hundred bucks and you can buy a lot of alcohol with that money. please understand that: they aren't a tragic mutually doomed couple who despite that love each other. they are actively dragging the both of them to their graves because they're too far in to turn around now. they've been drinking for decades like it'll fix their problems and it never will and things only ever get angrier and louder and more destructive and worse so they just keep fucking digging the graves they've been digging since the beginning. first rule of holes is stop digging second rule is that once you do you're still in a hole but they're never even gonna get the first one and they sure as hell aren't ever going to acknowledge that they're in a deep deep hole much less would they try to get out. no children is about wanting the worst for yourself and your better half because it's the only way you can see any of it ending. no children is slinging insults across the living room several drinks deep into the evening at the person you married and realising that you fucking mean it when you say you hope it all goes to shit and takes the both of you down with it.

no children isn't the tragic otp. no children says "I hope I lie and tell everyone you were a good wife" and "I hope when you think of me years down the line you can't find one good thing to say / and I hope that if I found the strength to walk out you'd stay the hell out of my way" and it means every goddamn word when it says them. and I know people like "hand in unloveable hand / and I hope you die / I hope we both die" but they ALWAYS use that quote in a "it doesn't matter if we're unloveable because we're hand in hand" kind of way and that's just completely fucking wrong. if you're going to use no children for your blorbos fucking commit to it, they better be a couple that is genuinely entirely going to bury each other alive for the sheer goddamn fact that they would rather die than try to stop digging.

anyway. go listen to Tallahassee (album) because it is genuinely extremely fucking good and no children probably isn't even in my top three songs from that album.

#.lyr #ask #its now almost 3am i hope this is coherent im going to sleep

[marvelbxtch]

Maroon- Taylor Swift x Fem!Reader

Pairings: Taylor Swift x Actress!Reader

Description: You met Taylor at an award show in New York and fell in love. You went through many hardships, but you came out alive. When Taylor says she's writing a song about you and he wants you to help, you're eager to indulge her.

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, cheating rumors, depression, soft making out, drinking, slightly smutty in a few parts.

Words: 1.6k

A/N: Midnights is a 10/10, Maroon but with a happy ending basically. I love fluffy Tay <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When the morning came

We were cleaning incense off your vinyl shelf

'Cause we lost track of time again

Laughing with my feet in your lap

Like you were my closest friend

"How'd we end up on the floor, anyway?" you say

"Your roommate's cheap-ass screw-top rosé, that's how"

I see you every day now

You woke up tangled in Taylor. Her arm was wrapped around your waist tightly, your face buried in her neck. You yawned, sitting up to look around. Your head was pounding, but you were coherent enough to smell burning.

“Oh shit! Taylor, we forgot the fucking incense!” you cried, scrambling over to your vinyl shelf.

Taylor startled awake, scrambling across the floor to you. You looked up at her and cracked up. There was a smoldering pile of incense next to an old vinyl you hadn't listened to in years. You giggled, looking at Taylor. She looked back at you and broke as well. You both laughed as you cleaned up the mess. You were both just happy you didn't burn the house down.

“Oh my God,” you smiled, wiping your eyes.

“Yeah.” Taylor returned the smile. “How did we end up on the floor anyway?” she asked.

“We got wasted on that cheap-ass rosè.” you smirked.

You sat down on the couch, Taylor following. You kicked your feet up into her lap, relaxing as much as you could. Taylor scowled at you but didn't make you move.

“Hey, I've been meaning to ask you this.” Taylor pursed her lips in thought.

“Yeah?” you cocked your head, waiting.

“I think you should move in with me. I want to see you every day. Wake up with you.” she murmured.

“Tay... I would love to.” you smiled, leaning forward to press a kiss to her lips.

-The Night You Met-

And I chose you

The one I was dancin' with in New York

No shoes, looked up

At the sky and it was

You stepped out of your limo, scarlet dress trailing along the ground behind you. Cameras began flashing and voices called your name. You posed for as many pictures as you could before moving into the venue. You were seated behind your idol, Taylor Swift. It was hard to keep yourself quiet. You'd looked up to her as you blossomed as an artist and actress. You were almost six years younger than Taylor, so you'd grown up with her music. You kept calm until the after-party. You were getting shots at the bar when Taylor came up behind you.

“Congratulations.” she smiled, leaning against the bar.

“Ohmygodthankyou.” you stumbled.

“Relax. I'm Taylor, even though I guess you know that.” she chuckled, reaching her hand out to shake yours.

“Y/N,” you murmured, shaking her hand. You felt your cheeks burn a deep scarlet, almost maroon.

Taylor looked up as the song changed to a slow dance. “May I have this dance, m’lady?” she grinned, bowing down dramatically.

“Of course.” you took her hand and let her lead you to the dance floor.

Taylor kicked off her high heels and you followed suit. Soon, you were swaying slowly, your head leaning against her shoulder. Taylor didn't tell you this until much later, but she fell for you that night. Her hands held you close, not caring who saw. At the end of the night, Taylor led you out of the venue. You had gotten to know each other throughout the night. You knew there would be headlines. But they wouldn't think you were a thing- after all, Taylor didn't date girls. You stared up at the sky, the lights illuminating the stars a near-red.

“Gorgeous.” Taylor sighed. You nodded, but you were only looking at her.

-The night before she asked you to move in with her-

The burgundy on my t-shirt when you splashed your wine onto me

And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was

The mark you saw on my collarbone, the rust that grew between telephones

The lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was maroon

You giggled, swirling your wine in your glass before taking a large gulp. Taylor smiled at you, that sparkling, intoxicating smile. You tried to lean forward to kiss her, forgetting in your drunken haze that you had wine in your hand. You splashed it into Taylor’s old white tee.

“Oh fuck, I'm so sorry Tay.” you put your glass down, covering your mouth with your hand.

“I-its okay.” she blushed. “Can I take the shirt off?” she asked quietly.

"Yes." you breathed. You looked down as Taylor slipped out of her tee.

"You can look, love." she whispered.

You looked up, forcing yourself to meet her eyes. Taylor took your breath away every time. Her body was gorgeous. You knew how long she had struggled with herself for years, and you took it on yourself to try and keep her from doing that.

"God, you are so perfect." you whispered. You slid over to her, tracing your finger over the birthmark on her collarbone.

"Can I kiss you?" she asked.

"Baby, you don't ever have to ask." you smiled. You pressed your lips to hers. Her hand found the back of your neck, pulling you deeper into her.

"I love you." she whispered, pulling back.

"I love you more." you smiled, pushing a stray hair behind her ear.

"Fuck-" she groaned, pushing you back onto the ground.

-A few months later-

When the silence came, we were shaking blind and hazy

How the hell did we lose sight of us again? Sobbin' with your head in your hands Ain't that the way shit always ends? You were standing hollow-eyed in the hallway Carnations you had thought were roses, that's us I feel you no matter what, the rubies that I gave up

You tried to control your breathing, tears flowing down you cheeks. You cradled your head in your hands, avoiding Taylor's looks. A bouquet of discarded flowers filled you head with a sickening sweet feeling completely contrary to your emotions.

"I'm sorry, okay? Those pictures looked like-"

"Like what? Like I was hugging an old friend? Yeah, they did. Taylor, I would never cheat on you, and its frankly insulting that you think I would." you spat, your anger overpowering your sadness.

"Y/N, you know what I've been through. You have to get it-"

"No, I don't. I've tried everything to make you comfortable, and to get you to trust me. But you don't. I can't do this with you tonight. I just can't. I'm getting a hotel room." you stood up, wiping the tears off your face. Taylor reached for you, but you moved out of her grasp. You grabbed your things and left, the door shutting with a slam.

"Fuck." Taylor whispered.

-Two weeks Later-

When I lost you The one I was dancin' with in New York No shoes, looked up At the sky and it was maroon

The past two weeks had been hell for you two, you'd come back home reluctantly. You loved her more than the world. But it was hard being near her when you felt so... betrayed. You woke up one morning next to Taylor in tears. She jolted awake, turning to look at you.

"Baby, baby what's wrong?" Taylor asked, eyes full of worry.

"I- I think that I've lost you. I just... I feel like I'm not who you want. I can't seem to forget what happened, no matter how hard I try." you whispered.

"Honey." Taylor sighed. She cupped your face, turning it towards hers. "You don't have to forget it. You shouldn't. It wasn't right. All you have to do is move past it. Grow from it, that's all I'm asking us to do." she gave a small smile.

You looked up at her and couldn't stop yourself from kissing her. Your lips met her in a love-filled, tearful kiss. She pulled back, pressing her forehead against yours.

"Look." Taylor pointed to your open window. You turned your head and gaped at the sunrise. A gorgeous sunrise painted the sky in a color you loved- maroon.

"I love you more than maroon." you whispered.

(A/N: I'm going to skip the rest of the song because it's not fluffy AT ALL- any who back to your regularly scheduled programming.)

-Three Years Later-

The past three years hadn't been without hardships, but you and Taylor had held strong. You knew Taylor had been working on a new album for quite some time, but you never thought she would want you to help for a song. You heard a knock on the door and you turned your head. Since you were an actress, this was one of the only times you would be home for a while.

"Hey, love. Can I talk to you about something?" she asked.

"Of course, what's up?" you put your book down, looking at her.

Taylor sat down on the bed next to you and gathered herself. "You know that I've been working on an album recently." Taylor trailed off.

"Mhm..." you nodded.

"I want to write a song about us. Our story. How we fell in love." she blurted.

Your face burned red. You'd always wanted to be a part of Taylor's life in this way, but you'd never had the opportunity to.

"Tay... that's perfect. I love that idea." you wrapped your arms around Taylor, pulling her close to you.

"Fuck, I'm glad you said yes. I've wanted to do this for years. I know the title." Taylor told you as she pulled back.

"Already?"

"Mhm. I'm going to call it Maroon."

#fluff #wlw #spotify #taylor swift #midnights #gxg #Spotify

[justadumpling]

My Hero Academia Original Character FanFic

Hey everyone! Wow. Okay, my first post! I originally wrote this probably over a year now, but I just wanted to share it with whoever wants to give it a read. It's probably not the greatest thing in the world, but I don't do this for a living so please forgive me. Lol Backstory: In this short writing I took mine and my one friends OC (Keade) and did a rooftop setting in the snowfall and while talking Hiroki (My OC) starts to sing "Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac, so yeah just a adorable little moment between the two! Anyways onto the story! I present "Snowfall Dreams"

"Sitting on the rooftop of Keade’s apartment, Hiroki and Keade, watching the snowfall, Hiroki chuckling, “So, I see that Hitoshi really has a thing for you, honestly kinda surprised he put the effort into that kinda thing.” Keade, giving him a disappointing look, “Yeah… I dunno really if I like him like that tho, I don’t get me wrong he’s really sweet and all, but I just...” She looked down, messing with her bracelets. Hiroki gave her arm a light punch, “just, what? Look at Kirishima and I, we honestly talked about it and really, it wasn’t gonna work out, so we just decided to be friends.” Keade’s face lit up and gave a slight smirk. “Yeah, honestly don’t know why you had a thing for him, I mean, I get it, I do, but ya could do better.” Keade looked back up at the other person sitting across from her, “Yeah… maybe you’re right. But honestly, maybe I should just go for it.” Hiroki gave a slight chuckle and gave a nod in approval, “I won’t talk for you, you’re your own person, do what your heart and gut tell you to do.” Still messing with her bracelets smiled brightly and gave a quick hug to the blonde next to her.     The snowfall started to get heavier, Hiroki’s phone started playing “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac. “ Now here you go again, you say you want your freedom Well, who am I to keep you down It's only right that you should, play the way you feel it, but listen carefully, To the sound of your loneliness.” Keade's face lit up in an instance, “Oh my god. THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITES!” Hiroki, surprised by this, grabbed her wrists and got up to dance in the snow, “This song couldn’t have come at the perfect time, since ya know we were just talking about relationships.” Keade chuckled and danced to the beat of the song. “Like a heartbeat drives you mad, In the stillness of remembering what you had, And what you lost, And what you had And what you lost.” Hiroki smiled and sat back down watching the smaller girl lost in a trace deeply listening to the music. “Thunder only happens when it's rainin', Players only love you when they're playin', Say women, they will come and they will go, When the rain washes you clean, you'll know, You'll know.” 

     Keade looked up into the snowy night sky smiling, not noticing that Hiroki had sat back down. “Doesn’t this song just make you feel all warm inside, ya know maybe i’ll ask Hitoshi out… or maybe he’ll ask me out.” Hiroki shook his head, chuckling, turning his phone volume up singing along with the song. “Now here I go again,I see the crystal visions, I keep my visions to myself, It's only me who wants to wrap around your dreams, And, do you have any dreams you'd like to sell? Dreams of loneliness.” 

      The girl stopped and listened for a moment and got all wide eyed hearing Hiroki singing along. “HIRO?! Why didn’t you tell me you could sing that good?!” Hiroki stopped, shocked to know she could hear him, he’d turn red in the face and cover it up with his hands. “F-first off, you didn’t ask, and secondly, you weren’t supposed to hear me. Keade bent over playfully, grabbing His wrists and pulling him up. “Now now, you’re really good! Don’t get too embarrassed now, how about you turn the phone off and sing the rest of the song?” 

   Hiro's face flushed now crimson, he nodded. He crouched down and paused the song and started singing again, “Like a heartbeat drives you mad, In the stillness of remembering what you had, And what you lost, And what you had, Ooh, what you lost.” Keade let out a slight squeal, nodding her head for him to keep going. Hiroki smiled from ear to ear, singing a tad louder, taping his hand on his leg. “Thunder only happens when it's rainin', Players only love you when they're playin', Women, they will come and they will go, When the rain washes you clean, you'll know, Oh, thunder only happens when it's rainin', Players only love you when they're playin', Say women, they will come and they will go, When the rain washes you clean, you'll know, You'll know, You will know, Oh, you'll know.”       The blonde stopped singing, covering up his face again. “H-how was it? It was horrible, I know.” Keade pulled the others' hands away from his face. “THAT WAS AMAZING! I gotta let Kyoka know about this.” Hearing that he blushed, and gave a slight smile, nodding in agreement.  “I-if you insist on her knowing, go for it, I won’t stop you, cause let’s be honest, you’d find a way to tell her about it anyways, also, ya know go for him, he’d really appreciate you coming to him and talking about your feelings towards him, that song kinda opened up a few things for me too, I gotta tell Kirishima how I feel.” The two laughed heartily, grabbing their things and going back to their apartment, locking the door behind them."

That's the end! I hope whoever reads (or wants to read this) enjoys. Thanks for giving it a read! Much Love <3 - Dumpling

#my hero academia #original character #fanfic #writing #bnha

[ittyybittybaker]

If you're still doing the music meme, can you do kevin? i know you said in your tags that you wanted to talk about him and i'm curious what songs you'd choose 👀

oh nonny !!! THANK you !!!! i've been waiting for someone to ask me this !!!! I've been listening to a lot of kevin songs lately, he just makes me so emotional!!! He's such a complex character full of opposites- he's brave and also a little bit of a coward. he's completely egotistical but also he tries to bring everyone else up with him. he has a singularly one track mind for exy also scared of failure to a fault. i also think a lot about his relationship with riko and how that messed up his sense of self. he's got a lot going on!!! i just love that neurotic little guy!! ANYWAY, onto the songs:

All These Things That I've Done - The Killers [x]

i feel like this is a given but also this is SUCH a Kevin song to me!!! He's conflicted and confused and wants help and to not be left behind and for his pain and suffering to /mean something/

Diet Soda Society The Maine [x]

Ok so first off, this is one of my favorite songs EVER, i literally have a line tattooed on me (the brain is a funny place). This song is all about dealing with anxiety and knowing your spiraling and everyone around you is tired of it and you know that but also you can't stop?? i really think that through out the series, kevin's always dealing with that feeling of 'oh my god we're going to die' whether it's based in reality or not.

Karma - Years and Years [x]

this is Kevin 'i'm going to be the deadliest piece of the board' Day. Kevin 'i've never been skiing but i'd like to try it some day' Day.

Clean - Taylor Swift [x]

Idk if this is cliche or not BUT this song always reminds me of Kevin finally getting out from Riko's shadow. When he finally lets himself grieve and move on from the toxic hold Riko has over him. he's finally clean :(

Never Been Better - half•alive ft. Orla Gartland [x]

Part of Kevin's ~duality is the persona he shows to the world and who he actually is. He doesn't show the worst parts of himself to the public, whether that's how he actually got injured or the enormous pressure he puts himself under to be the best.

thanks again for asking!!! i have so many more kevin songs it was hard to choose!!!

#i'm so glad someone asked for this!!! thank you again!! #i really wanted to put one of the new fob songs but i couldn't choose between so much (for) stardust and i am my own muse #they're both him !!!!! #so many songs are him #poor guy #kevin day #anon #ask meme #fanmix friday #aftg #music

[emilyharmonia]

Check it!!!

A longtime Soundcloud listener suggested it was fine to put songs up on YouTube pre-PV - something I’d had cold feet about before - and now that’s what I’m doing!!! I mean this song is a little old but I’m still pretty happy with how it came out so to hell with it. You get it in video format now~

Links to its other broadcasts (+ its instrumental and DL), are in the description ♡

#vocaloid #ruby vocaloid #vocaloid ruby #vocaloid music #endometriosis #engloid #mom I’m on youtube I’m famous now #is this a plug? idk. is it a share? yes #I'm sorry but my channel is still liddl. and I want to give people the chance to find my music #if my devart weren't dead I'd...hmm...maybe it's forgivable to show my face on there again #I didn't do anything! I just ran outta spoons like four years ago and stopped responding to people which made me feel guilty #which made me further isolate myself and only sporadically post with confusing reassurances in the descriptions that I was not dead #I am a Failure #@people who lose the energy to socialize for long stretches of time how do you tell people why you stopped talking to them?????? #oh god anyway this is a mess just listen to my song if you'd like kghf #edit: I considered scheduling but tag tracking is a thing so goddammit I'm sending my baby into the blue hellworld now

[astaroth1357]

How the Brothers Would Try to Get the MC Back After a Breakup

I have a much longer one in the works, but dug this out of my old drafts and just had to polish it off real quick. Not sure why I never finished it. 🤷‍♀️

Lucifer

His first tactic is to try and make them try to get back with him.

That means he’s going to go out and slay it! He’s going to make sure he’s looking great and really making a point of just how much he can do and how capable he is in literally Every. Way. If they’re watching, he’s going to be amazing. Period.

Buuut he’ll be sure to treat them super coldly throughout... This isn’t him trying to nicely ask them to come back to him, oh no, this is just making a point about how much they threw away, stupid human...!

If this doesn’t send them crawling back then he’s really in a bad place… He really needs them to come back on their own because his pride won't let him…

If he ever has to ask, it will feel more like a business deal than a reconciliation but that means he’s desperate. Hear him out at least.

Mammon

He’s going to be an absolute nightmare...

I think we all know that Mammon would fall apart without MC and it really wouldn't be a graceful fall…

Man will go through all the stages of grief seemingly every hour, everywhere from "WELL I DON'T NEED YA ANYWAY!" to, "Baby I'll buy ya anything, please come back…!"

The worst of it comes out when he's drunk and it's also when his worst ideas sound fantastic!

Not above breaking into their room at night just to sing them a poorly-written, sappy love song.

Also not above begging his brothers, Simeon, and even Diavolo for ideas on how to win them back.

If he could put it on one of those airplane banners and fly it across the Devildom, he would. Please MC, he's trying here…

Leviathan

Pity. Pity. So much pity. He is not afraid to treat his own dignity like collateral damage if he has to.

In the weeks after the breakup, Levi would probably be best described as one of those gelatinous deep sea Blobfish thrown on dry land, just with 90% more sadness and wallowing.

Assuming he leaves his room at all, he'll look like complete trash who hasn’t slept in weeks. Just an ultra-depressed otaku covered in Dorito dust and self-pity…

Basically, everything about him is going to scream, "I'M MISERABLE WITHOUT YOU, PLEASE COME COMFORT ME!!!" and considering that may have initiated their relationship to start with, it's not a terrible tactic.

If turning into a pathetic beached jellyfish of despair doesn't work then he'll try begging too. Third brother or not, dignity was never a priority here. Just MC… Always MC.

Satan

Meet our resident drunk texter.

During the day, Satan is going to take more of a Lucifer route and just be as impressive as he possibly can. However, he doesn't quite have Lucifer's level of deep emotional repression through pure spite…

What that means is occasionally he's going to crack and it's rough.

Get a few drinks in him and Satan will just break into a sobbing mess… Any poor soul in the vicinity will have to listen to his incoherent babbling about how many dates he's had with MC, how much he loves them, and why he can't sleep without them anymore…

But the texts… Man, are they something…

Satan: MC yourr the sptinkles to my waffls

Satan: why did you leave me? 🥺

Satan: im in the bat, its really cold  here

Satan: pleaae come home 😭😭😭

Satan: I'd murder fr yo

Satan: i mean love you

Satan: come back please

Asmodeus

Jealousy. Pure, simple jealousy. You think he can’t have three other people on his arms by the end of the week? Don't you know what you’re missing??

If Mammon is going through grief stages, then Asmo is stuck on anger. To think that he, HE, would be broken up with!! The nerve!!!

He'll go out clubbing and fucking and make a big'ol deal out of it for at least a week, but if it doesn't really help his case then he's really screwed… (like, figuratively this time)

After his anger burns out there'll be A LOT of crying and Asmo will make it his mission to get together again!!

That could involve everything from long-winded apology speeches, to dragging Solomon into complicated "Let's date again!" schemes, to dangling himself in front of MC like a carrot on a stick to try and entice them back.

EVERYONE in the House is going to hear about it and it'll drive them all crazy, but hey, anything in the name of love, damnit!!

Beelzebub

Lots of gifts, mostly food.

You'd think he'd be leaving offerings to a pagan god with the amount of food he tries to give MC… The man could actually feed a village with those plates!

To be frank, Beel doesn’t even have to do all that much in the grand scheme of things. A sad Beel is like a sad puppy, it just tugs at the heartstrings by its pure existence!

It also helps that he'd be willing to just… talk about getting back together like emotionally mature adults (novel concept, I know)

If they talk it out and the MC still isn't interested then expect more food and more sad Beel... He'll pretty much be like a depressed Santa Claus with a bag of T-bone steaks.

Be careful how long you keep Beel sad for though, MC, because Belphie isn't afraid to murder you twice. He's keeping a knife in that pillow. Be warned.

Belphegor

He's too busy not caring to even try.

Seriously. He doesn't care. Really. Not at all. Not even a little. Were they even dating? He didn't notice!

In fact, he doesn't care so much that he's going to nap in all of their favorite places, rewatch all of their favorite movies, and listen to their favorite songs because he just doesn't give a shit.

He doesn't care so much that he'll totally still invite them out to festivals and theme parks because it doesn't matter and they can still have a lot of fun together anyway!

He doesn't care SO FREAKING MUCH that if they wanted to nap together again or even cuddle a bit it's totally fine because it doesn't mean anything and he's fine and they're fine and this is fine!! Everything is a'okay!!!

See? No complaints outta him. But if they wanted to get back together uh… that's fine too… please...

#obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me headcanons

[forbidding-souda]

hi hi!! Could I get some headcanons for Kaito, Kazuichi, Kiyotaka, and Shuichi with their trans man S/O who’s the SHSL poet? ✨ I love your writing so so much!!

Kaito Momota, Kazuichi Souda, Ishimaru Kiyotaka, and Shuichi Saihara with trans man SHSL Poet

my friend has a shsl poet and I would think this was requested by him if he typed the way this is typed out so nvm... I think

currently listening: dead of night by orville peck on a discord call (such a good song - listen to it. makes me think of bo sinclair.)

-Mod Souda

Kaito Momota

❤ Probably thinks of you as a wimp. Initially, at first. But he'd definitely force you to join his little exercise posse. And you better enjoy it - or he'll make you enjoy it.

❤ I can see that being the reason he has gotten close to you - trying to make you strongly. More 'manly' maybe. I think you'd have to knock him out of that mindset.

❤ He'd be so appreciative of poems about the stars compared to, say, poems about him. Writing him a poem about your feelings for him? Bleh. A poem about space? Yes. Give it to him NOW!!!

❤ You should put cute little space stickers on it everywhere.

❤ He might have a little binder thing of all the things you've ever given him - I can see him doing something cheesy like that. All with pictures of you, ones with shitty lighting because they were taken at night and some poem drabbles you've given to him (instead of throwing them away).

❤ Omg he will probably gift you like space themed bookmarks and pencils and notebooks. You have to have something to remember him by (as if you'd forget).

❤ He doesn't know much about dysphoria - and he's probably the "you're a man? Let's go fishing" type of cis person. But he's willing to learn. I think he's a little bit fruity anyway.

❤ He has the energy to get (or steal) whatever you want - plus, you can borrow his clothes. And his underwear. He probably wears boxers LMAO.

❤ I don't see him ever messing up pronouns or anything. His mentally is probably like yes! one of us - one of us [men].

.

Kazuichi Souda

❤ I can see him being a bit of a softie for poetry. Like you sitting at your desk and him awkwardly pulling up a stool, asking what you're doing. The room will be dimly lit but he still tries to peak over your shoulder.

❤ He'll fidget with his braid as he listens to you talk. He wants you to explain your process to him. He will care.

❤ Kazuichi is definitely open-minded. Pronouns and anything, he'll listen and he won't?? ever mess up. It surprises you.

❤ Also, literally you better write the sweetest shit about him because he needs that attention. To know that you think about him - even when you're not with him? Absolute gold.

❤ There's also the chance that he's going to try to write poetry for you. It'll probably have bike grease stains on it but hey - aesthetic.

❤ Do you put on music when you write? If so, he's going to associate those songs with you. Every time he hears them he'll be like oh my god my baby likes this song.

❤ He'd probably gaslight people into thinking you're cis. LMAO. Even if you don't ask him to - I can definitely see him doing it just for kicks.

❤ He's doing to be stealing your clothes. Sharing is caring, okay? Deal with it.

❤ And every day, if you wear binders, he's going to constantly remind you to take it off after 8 hours. Smh being in a trans mans business like that *rolls eyes*.

.

Ishimaru Kiyotaka

❤ The type to apologize profusely after misgendering you.

❤ I can see him pulling out a red pen and correcting your poems as if they were essays. You have to explain to him that it's an art form, not anything too serious.

❤ He's going to get all flustered if you gift him any of your poetry, though. Something??? For him?? Absolutely unbelievable - how dare you be so sweet.

❤ Mystery lies in whether or whether not he saves said poems. Maybe he has a little stash... who knows... maybe maybe not... in a specific drawer in his dresser.

❤ But he's going to be like "no way do I save them pshh haha unless".

❤ I think he'd ask questions about like whether you'd ever wear a dress or makeup (because he wants to do your eyeliner. anyway.)

❤ If you listen to things while you write, he's going to ask you to turn it down. Doesn't matter if it's already low or not LOL.

.

Shuichi Saihara

❤ Poetry,,, yes,,, he loves loves loves it. I think when he meets you, he'll go to a library afterwards and read all of your works. He wants to see if you were the real deal - and you are.

❤ He hardly talks to people anyway so the chance of him misgendering you is almost 0. You're going to have to do the most of the talking in the relationship.

❤ But please give him poetry specifically for him - pointing out all the things you see in him. It'll boost his confidence and his security.

❤ Also let him into your space while you're writing. He can sit there, in quiet with his headphones on, just enjoying your presence. He won't bother you at all.

❤ And you better give him writing advice. He would love to delve into the world of poetry. You inspire him so much - his own muse.

❤ Most of his poems will probably be edgy but hey - everyone has written edgy poetry before.

❤ If you're too nervous to correct people that misgender you, he will do it. He'll gain a temporary confidence and stand up for you.

#kaito momota x reader #kaito momota #kazuichi souda #kazuichi soda #kazuichi souda x reader #kazuichi soda x reader #ishimaru kiyotaka #ishimaru kiyotaka x reader #shuichi saihara #shuichi saihara x reader

[ghostmacandcheese]

Heaven help the fools chapter 3

(Hello! I hope you like this fanfic. It’s going to be five chapters, that way I can put a good amount of detail into the story. It isn’t a Y/N reader, as the main character does have a name, and if it seems strange or annoying the way the conversations flow or the way things are described, sorry, that's just how i think and react to things. While most of the stuff in this is false, obviously, there will be a note at the end of each chapter letting you guys know what was actually real from personal experiences! Hope you all enjoy, i know i had a lot of fun writing this!)

Summery: you meet Steven in the museum gift shop and become fast friends, and maybe something even more!

Pairing: just Steven x female reader

Warnings: some swearing, being the family disappointment, sleep disorders,

Genre: fluff, meet-cute, friends to lovers

Chapter 3: wasteland, baby

It had been about two weeks now since that first time going to the coffee shop with steven, and about every day after, the both of you found some excuse to hang out. He gave you regular tours of the museum, and even though they were all basically the same, you always said yes when he asked, purely to just listen to him talk so excitedly and passionately about his obsession. You've learned a lot about him since the first time you met him, and he now knew a lot about you, but that was just because he was so easy to talk to that you couldn't help but open up to him. He listened to everything really intently, and wouldn't interrupt unless he got excited. He was kind and seemed to genuinely care, and that made you feel important.

You learned that he had a sleeping disorder, lives alone, never had a girlfriend, and loves jazz. He likes to bake, but never has any time, and is an avid collector of tiny seashells. I don't think I've ever been happier to know someone can collect tiny seashells because they love the swirl pattern in their shells.

I roll over and check my phone, confirming my suspicions. It was 3 am, and I was still awake. Even worse, I was thinking about steven, instead of sleeping. “God, I need a hobby. D you think he's up now? Should I text him? Ugh, no, that would seem too obvious.” I get up out of bed and pace around the open floor in my living room, trying to figure out what I could do, and whether I should call him or not. I decide to pull out my earbuds and play my sleeping playlist, shuffling it until I found the perfect song. I lay on my bed while Wasteland, Baby by Hozier filled my ears. I close my eyes and let the song wash over me, letting it lull me into almost sleep when my music stops. I check my phone to see what's wrong and see steven is calling me! Shit shit shit what do I do? Do I answer? I mean, he'd probably be upset if I didn't answer, yeah, I'll answer.

“Hello?”

“H-hey, I wasn't sure if you'd be awake! Glad to see I'm not the only one with sleep issues.”

“Hmm, yeah, I haven't been able to fall asleep all night.” and it's all your fault, you absolute moron, do you know what this is doing to me right now?

“Was there something you needed?” I ask, trying not to sound rude so he wouldn't think I was angry.

“O-oh, uh, not really, I, uh, just wanted to um, I just wanted to talk to you, i-guess. If this is a bad time, I can go.” he sounded so sad, that I couldn't say no to him.

“No, it's fine, I don't have work tomorrow, so I don't care if I can't fall asleep right now. Anyway, what are you up to? Anything interesting to pass the time?”

“Eh, you know, just puzzles, books, anything to keep my brain active, I guess. What about you?”

“I mean, I was thinking of starting a painting, but I'm not really sure of what. Maybe something psychedelic so I can mess around with neons and glow in the dark? A huge canvas of glowing neon eyes would be pretty cool.”

“I-are you being serious?”

“I'll be honest, at first I was joking, but that actually sounds like a really cool idea. Like, it's one face in the light, and another when you turn off the lights? I don't know. I've got a big canvas and glow-in-the-dark paint, though, so I guess we’re gonna find out, huh.” I started heading to the back corner crawl space where I keep my painting supplies, and steven starts talking about the eye and its symbolism in Egypt. Eventually, he stops, and I realize I've been quiet the whole time I've been painting.

“Steven, why’d you stop talking?” I ask, thinking something happened or he fell asleep.

“Oh, sorry, I thought you found me boring and I was afraid I had put you to sleep or something.”

“Oh.” I chuckle, shaking my head. “I'm sorry, I just got so focused listening to you while painting I completely forgot to talk. If I'm being honest, I probably would fall asleep to you talking.” I hear a disappointed “oh” from the other end of the phone before I could finish my sentence. “No, not because your boring, because your voice is so nice and relaxing it makes me wanna fall asleep. I like sleeping to constant noise, and your voice has such a nice cadence that I could listen to you talk all night long and comfortably fall asleep to it. I didn't mean it rudely, don't worry.”

“O-oh, ok. So… you like my voice?” he sounded so timid, it was like a small child asking if their playground crush liked the drawing they made them.

“yes, steven, I like our voice,” I said with a smile. “I like a lot of things about you, actually. I like the fact that you love Egypt so much you could talk about it all day, that your hair looks really soft and is always slightly messy, and that you always listen with 100% interest to what I'm saying, even if you don't really want to, and that you respect my boundaries and personal space. I like the fact that you smell like an old library and the incense used in the Egyptian wing, and that you drink coffee every hour of the day and still look exhausted. I love how excited you get when listening to me talk, and how much you love your goldfish. I love a lot of things about you, steven grant.” I let it all out in one breath, feeling like I just shared a part of me I had never shared with anyone before. Steven was quiet for a while after that. Unbearably quiet.

“S-steven, are, are you ok?” I ask, nervous I had just ruined my only friend with my feelings.

‘I-you like all those things about me?”

“Yes,” I said, suddenly feeling really shy.

“You changed your wording, halfway through.”

“I-i did?”

“Yeah,” he said, sounding thoughtful. ‘You started by saying you like a lot about me, and ended by saying you loved a lot about me.”

“I-i guess I did, huh.”

“So, um, w-which is it?”

“What?”

“Do you like me, or love me?” he sounded about as nervous as I felt, which is to say, incredibly nervous.

“Um, I mean, I guess, kina both, if that's ok?”

“Yeah, that's ok. I guess I feel both too. A-about you, I mean, not me.” I laughed at that.

“Ophelia,”

“Yes?”

“Would you, um, many wanna, wanna go out somewhere with me? Like, on a date? Not to any restaurants or anything, I know you get bad claustrophobia and anxiety when it comes to restaurants, but maybe somewhere else, outside maybe? Like in the park? We can make a day of it! Um, if that's ok?” he sounded so sweet, so genuine. This was truly what it felt like to be loved. To be important. To be cared about.

“Steven, I would love to”

“Oh, great, that's just great! Yeah, um, ill let you know the time and place, ya? I'll get it all figured out, don't worry.”

“Oh, I trust you.”

“Ok, well bye I guess,”

“Bye steven, I cant wait.”

“Bye Ophelia. Love you, laters, gators.”

He-he just said “I love you” to me! This is the day I die from happiness! You're going on a date! With STEVEN GRANT!! oh, and now that you are excited about it, not only will you not sleep for the next 3 hours, but you also get to cash in that free anxiety ticket you'd been holding on to for a rainy day, how fun! Sleep well!

‘Well,” I mutter to myself, I guess I better at least try to sleep somewhat once I finish this painting.” I take a deep breath, letting the full events of what just happened 15 minutes ago fully hit me.

“OH, MY GOD I'M GOING ON A DATE! FINALLY! AND HE'S SOOOOO HOOOOOOT!!!” I start jumping up and down, super excited until one of my neighbors knocks on my door and kindly reminds me with his middle finger it's now 4 in the morning, and he'd like to sleep.

“Sorry,” I whisper, “I just got a little excited, ill be going to bed now.” I close the door and walk over to my bed, falling in it, giggling like a teenage girl. This is the best day ever!

*end chapter authors note*

Hello! Glad you guys seem to be liking this series so far! So, quick update, i know i said six chapters, but I’m making it five, so that way i dont have an entire chapter of stupid stuff that’s unnecessary! Anyways, aside from that, here’s stuff about me that i put in this chapter!

1) i love jazz, baking, and collection tiny things, including seashells, since i happen to conveniently live by a beach

2) i paint quite a lot, and the painting Ophelia makes is something i actually really want to paint soon

3) i have pretty bad anxiety and claustrophobia when it comes to certain places like restaurants, so i generally feel safer outside

Anyway, thanks for reading!

#mcu x reader #mcu fluff #my fanfiction #moon knight fanfiction #mcu #meet cute #mr knight #steven grant x fem!reader #steven grant x reader #steven grant #x female reader #read more

[sebstanseabass]

Afterglow (A Bucky Barnes AU fan fiction) - Chapter 12

Afterglow chapters

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

CHAPTER TWELVE

The chilly wind knocked against your small windows, mirroring the pounding in your head. Opening your eyes felt impossible as the dried tears stuck on your waterline. You groaned with your mouth closed, pulling the blanket over your body. You opened your mouth, licked your dry lips like a puppy just waking up; the aftertaste of liquor sat on your mouth. You almost wanted to hurl everything you put into your mouth last night but you suppressed it, seeing that you were in no state of getting up just yet. How much did I have to drink last night? Did I do something remotely stupid? Did I go somewhere? You had more to ask yourself but your thoughts dissipated, just dreading this hell of a headache to end.

There was more pounding and knocking; left, right and in just every direction — on the windows, in your head and lastly on your door.

"Are you up, doll?" A deep voice echoed from the other side of the door. It belonged to Bucky.

Bucky. Oh fuck, Bucky.

Your eyes shot open at the sound of his voice (not minding the stickiness on your waterline), sudden vivid images appeared in your mind. The bar. Bottles of vodka on the floor. Steve. Your photos. A limo on the street. Wandavision. And Bucky's arms wrapped around you, lips fluttering on your forehead. Dead, drunk thoughts.

Everything was coming back to you. Even the taste of liquor and the smell of the damp street.

Still in a state of hangover, you couldn't bring yourself to speak just yet so you groaned a bit louder, letting him know that you were now brought back to life.

"Good morning, sunshine." He said a little too loudly for your bionic ears.

"Sshhh." was all you could muster, hiding further into the little cocoon you had made yourself just earlier.

"Come on, doll. It's past twelve but I did cook you breakfast."

The softness in his voice made your heart flutter and lessened the pain in your head. Slowly, you uncovered yourself and revealed the mess that you were to Bucky who was just standing patiently in front of you.

"How are you feeling? Do you need to hurl?"

You swallowed, and shook your head no as you slowly stood up from the bed. You grabbed the edge of the nightstand as the floor beneath you started to spiral. Before it could even swallow you whole, Bucky sped towards you and kept his arms around you until you reached the bathroom. You gestured to Bucky that you could wash your face and brush your teeth all by yourself so he let you be. He retreated towards the kitchen.

You tried to find your voice back once you splashed your face with the ice cold water. Yeah, that'll cure my hangover. You stared at your reflection in the mirror and was surprised you didn't look as much of a mess than you imagined you would be. You were thinking disheveled hair (baby hairs going up in different directions, looking like a kid who just played with the static electricity ball for the first time), smudged lipstick, running mascara, and clothes from the night before — a walk of shame starter pack.

A look of confusion crossed your face, noticing that you weren’t wearing the same clothes you were wearing last night. Then you looked back at Bucky with wide eyes, who was whistling a song while preparing breakfast at noontime.

You splashed your face with more water before going to the kitchen. Breakfast had been served at the small round table. Eggs, bacon, bagels, toast, and of course, Bucky's cereal.

"T-thank you." You managed to say.

It seemed like, you noticed, whenever Bucky did something nice to you that you obviously could yourself, the words seemed to fall out of your mouth so painfully slowly. This was the second time. No one had ever bought you clothes before, and had made you breakfast before, so saying the phrase "thank you" came somewhat unnatural.

Bucky didn't seem to notice as he scooped a big chunk of his cereal. "It's no problem. I figured you'd be hungry after... last night."

"Right." Last night.

You sighed, biting a piece of bacon. Oily, savory bacon which tasted better after a hangover. Good God.

The silence started to creep around you as you ate, among the elephants in the room (yes, elephants. I was rather a big crybaby with an undeniable thirst for affection). They were hard to ignore, of course and you knew you had to say something, at least the word "Sorry" but the simple five-letter word got stuck in your throat.

"I was expecting for us to talk once Howard dropped us off but you were knocked out." Bucky started. You mentally thanked him for speaking first but God knows, you couldn't quite handle confrontation — at least not about you. "I hope you don't mind, I changed your clothes and took some of your makeup off your face. You made quite a mess."

"I-I noticed." Third time. "And no, I don't mind at all. I think a 'thank you' is rather appropriate."

"You're welcome, doll." He grinned. "Don't worry, I didn't look. I undressed you with, uh, utmost respect."

"And hey, if you'd seen me naked then we're even." You laughed, recalling the first time you had met him.

"I promise you, I didn't see you butt naked so we're not even."

The mood lightened up a bit and started to take its own pace. You began to sit more comfortably on the chair, and grab more bacon and eggs. "Bucky," You started, hating to break what was a nice, light atmosphere, "I think I need to address the elephant in the room."

You’ve always hated that phrase. Elephant in the room. Why did it have to be elephants? Why couldn't it be, oh I don't know, dogs or cats or a raccoon? It sounded less scarier.

"I was just about to start." Bucky chuckled.

"I truly am sorry for the things that happened last night. Getting drunk, being such a fucking crybaby, and for well, you know."

Bucky knew. You knew. Even if you were drunk as a skunk, you knew all too well what you did. And you shouldn't have done it. Not like that, anyway. Not in that state.

"I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused you, Bucky. I guess I just had my jar full and I exploded right then and there. Y-you have to know," Fourth time, "I don't normally act like that. So rash, and irrational, and such a child. I usually think things through but last night, I clearly didn't. Please don't tell Parker about this. Not a word. Even though I basically take care of him, he's still so worried about me. Last night won't happen again. It was... impulsive, reckless, childish. And just plain stupid."

"Are you done?"

I frowned. "Um, yeah. I think I am."

"Look, y/n. You don't have to apologize. You're allowed to feel that way sometimes and it's okay."

"To feel that way, yes, I suppose but to act on those feelings... I don't think so. God, you shouldn't have seen me like that. Oh, God. Why did I let you see me like that?" Then, your face fell on your hands.

"I don't know if you remember this but just in case... You actually told Steve to call me.”

"I did?" You lifted your face, your eyes meeting his. "Oh no. Steve. I have to apologize to Steve. I think I said some mean things to him or... or something. And I have to pay for those drinks."

"Already taken care of. I talked to him this morning."

"You have Steve's phone number?"

"Let's just say I have my ways, yeah? Now you don't have to worry that much."

"Okay, yeah." You knew now more than ever never to question Bucky when he says stuff like that. "Thank you, Bucky. Really."

"I know, doll." He continued. "So... about your little speech. It was quite big. Ironically. You, uh, really let your guard down."

"To be honest, I don't remember much of it." You admitted, hiding your face through the little knots in your hair.

"I don't remember the exact words you said but I do think you said something of the lines of having to prove your parents wrong and that you've achieved nothing since you came here. And then you told me a bit about your friendship with Wanda and I suppose seeing her studio that fine afternoon pulled a trigger on your envy."

Suddenly, you heard yourself through and amidst the honking vehicles, the sounds of feet trudging the sidewalk, and the snotty wailing coming out of your nose and mouth. You relived it in my head, heard every crack of your voice, smelled the liquor from under your nose, and felt Bucky's hand interlaced with yours.

"Yeah, it's all coming back to me now." I really did let my guard down. All walls. Down. Just like that.

"You've never been back there? To your home?"

"No." You answered. "I have never stepped foot in New Jersey again ever since I moved here. Going back meant I failed and so, maybe I should go now." Bitterness was evident in your voice.

"Y/n, if I had your talent," Bucky set down his utensils now, his eyes digging right into yours, "I would never give it all up, even if it meant rebelling against my parents. If... if my folks were alive and would stop me from chasing my dreams... Hell, I too wouldn't listen to them. And you shouldn't either."

It was the first time Bucky mentioned anything remotely related to his birth parents or anything real in his life. You looked at him, crouched like a little child, lifting a spoon to his mouth. And there it was again, an onion peeling on its own, layer by layer by layer, but still missing its very core.

"It's been years yet I'm still stuck in the bar. That was only supposed to be a temp job to help Peter pay the bills." You knew in your heart and mind that you should stop yourself from talking but your walls were already down; the downest (is that even a word?) they've ever been. Here you were, in a room in front of a man you had only known for days and you had already revealed the most vulnerable side there was to you, that you didn't know even existed.

You didn't know if it was the remaining alcohol in your system or your walls crumbling down some more but talking about it felt right. Because you knew these words were aching to come out of your mouth, desperate for someone to hear them.

To hear you.

"I was so sure," you continued, "that I was going to skyrocket in the media industry. Making a name for myself, seeing my photos on billboards, magazines — everywhere. I wanted to see the world but I got stuck on product photography for small businesses. I was supposed to move on to bigger things... Bigger names. Now, I don't know what's in store for me."

"Y/n, you're living in the city of art and culture. You're surrounded by art and that's why you should explore more of it. And then once you do, find its center; its heart. Let that be your... masterpiece and then make more of it."

"You know, you're really good at selling some bullshit."

"You say it's bullshit now, doll." He laughed. "Until you see the big picture."

Bucky's words kept echoing on the walls of your brain as you tried your best to sleep off the headache you were still suffering from. But the pain in your head overpowered his voice, letting you doze off for a few more hours before you showered, slipped into some comfortable clothes and headed down towards the bar.

It was thirty past five when you arrived in the bar — the latest you had ever been but the realization seeping in your mind slipped away upon seeing Steve enter his office. You ignored the calls from Nick and Nat from behind the counter, wondering why you were so late. Once you were outside of Steve's office, you took a deep breath and gently knocked on his door.

A soft "come in" was heard.

You obliged and stepped inside his cramped office.

Steve stood upright by the window, holding and reading something inside a folder. He noticed your figure and slowly retreated back to his chair. He ushered you to sit across from him. You sent him a tight-lipped smile as soon as you sat down.

"I think you probably know why I'm here." You started. He nodded in response. "Steve, I am so so sorry about last night. I was just... I don't... I can't even begin to fathom why I even did that in the first place — "

"Y/n, stop." said Steve. "I forgive you. And I think I owe you an apology too."

"What do you mean?"

"Last night, you asked me why I bought those photos and why I let you put some of them here in the bar. I didn't lie when I told you that I like them and they're amazing shots but... I think I also did it out of pity.”

And there it was. The truth. Whoever said the truth sets you free never had been lied to. And whoever said it must be suckerpunched right in the face.

"You were struggling, y/n. I could count on the fingers the people who went to your exhibit."

That photo exhibit happened more than a year ago, or maybe less — you couldn't quite remember as you buried it at the back of your mind. It occurred in a space for rent here in the Upper West Side, the same size as your apartment. As Steve described the scene that day, the memory immersed at the center of your brain, placing all the things displayed, all the people who showed up one by one. And little by little, a part of you started to fade into dust.

"You don't have to remind me, Steve."

Steve slid a bunch of photos on his desk towards you. The photos you took from the walls last night were staring at you. Crumpled. "Your new friend Bucky paid me a little visit this morning. We had quite the chat."

"Bucky came?"

"He showed the photos to me and left them here after paying for the drinks you drank last night. I don't know why he did it. He never gave me an explanation but it got me thinking... All these photos, I realized, were of us, the people around you."

"What are you getting at, Steve?"

"The bar, the street outside of the bar, the streets from your rooftop, and the park. They're all a part of your routine. I know I've always shown this professional front in front of you guys but you're not just my employees. I care about you and your well being, and your dreams. That's why I'm letting you go."

"Letting me go?"

"Y/n, what I'm trying to say is you're fired."

"What?!"

Your heart started to pace quicker than it usually would. It started to feel like it was about to punch Steve right in his damn face and knock him off the wall.

"No, no, no, no! This... This is a good thing."

"What? No, it's not! I'm the best employee you're ever gonna get." You argued, trying to save your job.

"That's why I'm firing you, y/n. I don't need you as my best employee. This isn't where you belong. Bartending won't get you anywhere near your dreams."

"But it helps me pay my bills!" You exclaimed, your voice getting higher and higher.

"I know, I know that's why I'm giving you a one-week notice. To think things through, and maybe have a plan."

You scoffed. "I had a plan that took me almost a year and three years later, it didn't work out and now, you're telling me I have one week to plan my damn future?"

"I'm risking losing my best employee yet." Steve replied with a smile, leaning against his cushioned chair. "Take what you can from that."

It had been a few hours after the little talk you had with Steve. Your head was spinning all over the place. You were having a hard time taking orders, and making drinks. You’ve had a few people complain to Nat. Apparently, you had been mixing up orders for the past few hours. Nick encouraged you to take a little break and while having that little break, a familiar lavender-vanilla scene filled your nose.

Your hunches rang true as you saw Bucky enter the bar (no suit this time, just a polo shirt and some trousers). Behind him followed a black man, entering the bar for the first time. Bucky spotted you in seconds inside the farthest booth where no one usually sits. A smile landed on your lips.

God, was I happy to see him.

The moment his arm snaked around your waist, your thoughts dissipated in a snap. "Hey, doll. I brought a friend of mine."

The black man beamed upon seeing you, extending his hand out for you to shake.

"Okay, let's cut to the chase. My name is Sam Wilson and I want to make business with you."

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes story #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes fan fiction #bucky barnes fic #bucky x reader #James Buchanan Barnes #bucky fic

[karlajoyner]

Stole My heart (Owen Patrick Joyner x Reader)

A/n: Hey guys so there’s this imagine let me know if I should make a part 2? Possibly a smut? I don’t know let me know! Also let me know if I should post these on wattpad too!!!

Warnings: None

————

"Owen seriously if someone catches us I'm gonna kill you"

"No ones gonna catch us. They're filming a scene" He mumbled leaving a trail of kisses down my neck.

"That's what you said last time"

"They didn't catch us" He said pushing my shirt down my shoulder.

"Yeah but they almost did- wait. Are you? Owen" I scolded pushing him away.

"What?" He asked innocently.

"What do you mean what? The makeup department will literally kill me if I show up with another hickey. Then their gonna interrogate me like they did last time since there are limited people I see daily" I groaned.

"They're not gonna kill you y/n. Relax"

"I can't relax. Now that we landed a season 2 the chances of us getting caught are much higher now. Plus my character has such a bigger part now" I spoke pacing back and forth in the dimly lit room. Julie's room set to be exact.

"I know. But you can't let that get to you now. You did amazing the first season and your gonna kill it this season. And if we get caught then oh well"

"Oh well? Oh well. Owen I already told you I don't want anyone to know about us until-"

"Until we're sure it's not gonna effect our worth ethic. I know" He muttered sitting down on the bed. I sighed realizing he was upset. It was never my intention to date my co-star. Let alone fall in love with him. But after spending countless of hours on set and off set with him there was no denying the chemistry. And what to everyone seemed like an amazing friendship was actually something more.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I wish things could be different but-"

"But this is your first big part. I get it" he said moving to sit me on his lap.

"I'll back off. We'll just have to keep sneaking around"

"Owen-"

"No harm. No foul. If this is what I have to do to be with you I'll do it" He said kissing the spot he had previously been sucking on.

"And I'd do it again" He whispered kissing my skin once more.

"And again" Another kiss.

"And again" He spoke finally meeting my lips. The kiss last longer than the ones shared previously. It was much more passionate on both ends. The risk of getting caught high.

"Owen" I giggled as he flipped us over on the bed.

"Yes?" He questioned as his fingers made their way up my shirt.

"Baby" I moaned as his hands cupped my left boob.

"Mmm" He muttered against my lips.

"We've got to get back on set soon. I have a scene with Jer" I panted pulling away.

"Don't do it"

"Owen" I warned.

"Fine" He groaned getting off me.

"But for the record if they did know we were dating I would not give my approval for the stupid kissing scene" He said kicking the ground like a little kid. Referring to the fact that my character became Reggies love interest this season.

"Be careful there babe the jealousy is peeking through. Just be lucky he's married and they cut it down from a whole make out scene" I teased checking myself in the full length mirror.

"Yeah yeah. God the unholy things I would've done to you in that bed" He whispered in my ear as his hands explored my body.

"Don't temp me Joyner" I said a smirk making it's way onto his face.

"I'm here!" I called running onto set.

"Finally! Where were you?" Charlie asked exasperatedly standing beside Kenny who was looking at script at hand.

"We don't have time to interrogate her Charlie we've got to get this scene filmed if we wanna stick to schedule. Y/n next time be on set 5 minutes before"

"Yes Kenny. Sorry I was um was distracted. Lost track of time" I said noticing Owen had walking onto set casually going to talk to Mads and Savannah.

"Okay so this scene your gonna walk in on cue to your mark. Find Luke sitting on the couch playing his guitar. Sentimental talk. Confess your undying love for Reggie. Then Jers gonna come in tell y/c/n he loves her too. But he can't be with her because he had this girlfriend back in 95 who he never officially broke up with. Then he says screw it. You kiss. End scene"

"Oh the kiss. That's this scene?" I asked finding Owen who was deeply in conversation.

"Yeah. Is there a problem?"

"No, no I'm ready" I said not expecting to have to do this in front of my secret boyfriend right now.

I sighed going to stand on my beginning mark. I watched as Charlie did the same.

The lights dimming in the studio to replicate nightfall.

"And action!" Kenny yelled.

I opened the barn like doors walking in slowly.

"Oh Luke. I didn't know you were here sorry I'll go-"

"No. No it's okay. I was just messing around. What's up?"

"I was looking for Reggie"

"Looking for Reggie? Oh he's with Alex and Willie. He should be back soon"

"Then I'll just go. Thanks I guess"

"Wait. Can I play you something?" Charlie questioned taking a hold of my wrist.

"Um sure. Why not?" I asked sitting down next to him. I listened as he began strumming his guitar to a familiar tune. A small smile forming on my lips.

"That was great Luke. Did you write that? Maybe about someone whose name rhymes with Judy" I spoke in a teasing matter.

"No. Actually Reggie wrote it. About someone who name rhymes with yours" He said a blush forming on my face.

"Okay. I get what your saying" I said playfully rolling my eyes.

"Good. I thought I'd have to follow up with home is where my horse is" He said making me giggle.

"How could I possibly tell a ghost who died 25 years ago that I'm completely head over heels for him?"

"Maybe the same way your telling a ghost who died 25 years ago right now" Charlie said jokingly bumping my shoulder.

"Right... I just- I don't want to get rejected by a ghost. It's one thing when they're alive but if the dead doesn't want me I think that's saying something"

"Y/n, Reggies in love with you. He'd be thrilled if you showed any romantic interest in him. At least more than you already do" He teased me once again.

"Thanks Luke. I just hope he doesn't freak out on me like last time"

"Last time?"

"Yeah last time I brought up relationships in a topic he got all weird and left. So I just never did it again"

"Oh. Look y/c/n back in 95 we had a decent following and a ton of girls following after us" A strange look forming on Charlie's face.

"Okayyy" I stretched out the word.

"And Reggie. You know him he uh well he's a fl-" Charlie words were cut off.

On cue Jeremy strolled into the studio set as Charlie and I sat facing each other stiffly.

I stifled a giggle knowing this would later be edited so it'd look like Jer flashed in out of nowhere.

"Y/c/n? Luke?"

"Oh Reggie. Hi" I stood up continuing the scene.

"Hey. What are you doing here? I thought you'd be home"

"I was. Julie invited me over for a bit and I thought I'd say hi before I uh left. I though maybe we could talk for a bit"

"Oh. Okay yeah" He slightly smiled before turning to the brunette beside me.

"And what are you still doing here?" Jeremy asked looking at Charlie.

"Hey, I was just leaving man. She's all yours" Charlie smirked at us before walking off set.

Jer and I paused until his footsteps could no longer be heard before continuing.

"So um what did you want to talk about?"

"Just um stuff" I said standing still in my spot.

"What stuff?" He asked coming to stand in front of me.

"Luke. He played me your song" I said picking up the piece of paper with chicken scratch from the coffe table.

"Lifer Girl?" I finally read the title before looking up into his brown eyes.

"Uh yeah. I'm still working on the name. Did you like it?"

"I loved it. This lifer girl. She's one lucky girl. Do I know her?"

"Of course you do. Your practically the same person" he said a piece of my hair falling to the front of my face. I nervously played with my fingers as he pushed the strand behind my ears.

"Oh. Can you tell me about her?"

"Well she's funny and makes me feel happy when I'm around her. She's really smart and her grades skyrocket compared to what mine use to be. And she's beautiful, drop dead gorgeous" He whispered tilting my head up with his fingers.

For a moment I looked up into his brown eyes wishing. Longing for them to be someone else's. I felt his finger leave my chin before he turned away dramatically.

"I shouldn't"

"Shouldn't?" I asked curiously.

"I can't"

"Can't? Why not?" I questioned once more.

"Y/c/n there's something I need to tell you"

"What is it Reg?"

"Back in 1995 you know before we died. I uh-"

"You what?" I asked urging him to continue.

"I had a girlfriend and well then we died. So we never officially broke up" Jer said.

"Oh" I mumbled backing away from him.

"I get it"

"No wait y/c/-"

"No Reggie it's okay. Your still in love with her. Of course you are. God how could I be so stupid to think that you'd actually love me. Let alone like m-" My eyes widened as I felt him crash his lips into mine completely going off script. Which wasn't uncommon. But it was supposed to be a short kiss. There were lines that were missing.

Slowly I pretended to sink into the kiss. Pulling away after a couple of seconds amongst hearing the word.

"Cut!" Kenny yelled Jeremy finally letting me go.

"That was amazing! Spectacular! Great improve Jer! We're done with this scene!" He called out to us. But all I could focus on was the look plastered on Owens face. He was hurt. But not because of the kiss. But because of the fact that he couldn't do that. Not out in public anyways.

"Yeah great going Jer" I commented to the boy in front of me.

"Thanks y/n. You did great too" He said getting near me.

"But if I were you I'd go talk to your boyfriend before he bursts" He whispered in my ear leaving me wide eyed.

"H-how'd you?"

"Know? Please everyone knows. I mean you guys aren't great at hiding things. There's actually a poll between Kenny and Charlie. Whichever one of you slips up firsts. My bets on Owen" He chuckled.

"Seriously?" I asked.

"Seriously"

“Who was the first one to know"

"Sonya in makeup. The first hickey you showed up with only matched with the timeframe that you and Owen had been together. Clearly not getting lunch like you had said you were"

"That long?" I asked.

"Yup" He spoke popping his p.

"Just don't tell anyone I told you. Carolynn insisted I put you out of your misery"

"Thanks. I think" He smiled at me before walking away.

A grin began to form on my face as I made my way toward the blonde who was leaning against a wall twirling one of his drumsticks in his left hand.

"Hey. Great scene back there" He commented as I now stood in front of him.

"Thanks. You know Jers a good kisser and all but I think your better" I spoke aloud noticing Savannah's and Madison's head whipping towards us.

"What?" He asked making sure he heard right.

"You heard me Joyner" I spoke giggling at his shocked reaction.

"Now shut up and kiss me would you?" He tilted his head to be extra sure. Something I adored about him.

He always wanted to make sure I was certain about these things. I simply nodded feeling his arms wrap around me bringing his lips to meet mine.

I smiled into the kiss as he turned us around pushing me up against the wall. I giggled upon hearing clapping around us from the cast and crew.

"Finally!" I heard Savannah shout.

"Keep it PG kids!" Kenny shouted laughter following.

"You owe me 20 Gillespie!" He yelled again followed by a groan by presumably Charlie. I finally pulled away first leaving Owen in shock.

"I'm gonna need you to come back to reality lover boy" I said rubbing my thumb against his cheek.

"What made you change your mind?" He asked keeping a tight hold on my waist.

"Let's just say you have Carolynn to thank for that. Apparently everyone knew"

"What? How?"

"I guess we weren't as good at keeping a secret as we thought"

"How long?"

"First hickey"

“That long?"

"That's what I said" I laughed as he pressed a kiss to my forehead.

"You two are so cute"

"Thanks Mads" I smiled at the girl.

Finally able to wrap my arms around the boy who had stolen my heart without any warning.

#owen joyner #owen patrick joyner #julie and the phantoms #the other side of hollywood #Charlie Gillespie #Jeremy shada #alex jatp #reggie jatp #luke jatp #Luke Patterson #Julie Molina #Flynn JATP #Madison Reyes #jadah marie

[the-lady-of-stars]

Honey, Honey

Javier Peña x Reader x Steve Murphy

Warnings: A sickening amount of fluff maybe but that's about it.

Summary: It's your turn to pick the film for movie night, so naturally you go with a classic- Mamma Mia

Request: "Hi! Can i request poly Javi x reader x Steve where the reader makes the boys watch her favorite movie (maybe like twilight or something cheesy) and they make remarks and jokes about it the whole time to mess with her and she jokingly starts a pillow fight to shut them up and just something really fluffy? thank youuu❤️ ~nonie🦋"

A/N: Hope you enjoy nonnie! Thank you for such a sweet request! Also I went with Mamma Mia bc for some reason I've never gotten around to watching Twilight

[My Narcos requests are still open for Steve and Javi- I write fluff and angst :) ]

The rules were set. You, Steve and Javi would alternate turns to pick the movie for movie night, and when someone picked one the others weren't allowed to complain about it. Of course, the no complaining rule was never abided but still- it was your turn to pick and your boys would have to deal with it.

While they were getting together beer and snacks you rummaged through your handbag for the tape of tonight's rental - a classic- Mamma Mia. Rom-com, musical, what more could you ask for. Sure, you could have picked some heavy fast-paced action film with an in-depth plot, but extensive hours at the DEA lead to you long for a temporary escape from gunfire and car chases- so Mamma Mia it was.

You slid the tape into the player before retreating to the plush couch and settling down next to Steve. His eyes softened and the stress visibly melted from his face as he looked down at you, a warm smile tugging at his lips. He moved his hand to your chin, tracing a thumb along your bottom lip tenderly before leaning down to repeat the action with his lips, capturing them in his own.

"Hey," Javi's gruff voice interrupted, "no funny business, it's movie night."

"Aww, y' jealous, Peña?" Steve drawled, not lifting his eyes from your gaze as he caressed your skin.

The last thing you heard was a huff before you found yourself tilting backwars with a yelp, Javi bending you back from Steve and pulling you into a passionate kiss. Where Steve's was soft and calming, Javier's was rough and possessive, claiming your lips with a swipe of his tongue. He pulled away with a smirk, leaving you panting breathlessly.

"Me? No, 'course not."

You watched, slightly dazed, as Murph rolled his eyes and flicked a piece of popcorn in Javi's direction, the latter catching it in his mouth with a wink.

"Stop distracting me, it's movie night," you whined, settling back into your space in the middle of the couch.

"What'd you pick, anyway?" Steve asked.

You smirked as you hit the play button, knowing they'd be suffering for your enjoyment for the next two hours.

"Ugh, God" Javier groaned, palming over his face, "another fucking musical."

Steve burst out laughing at the grin on your face, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and squeezing you closer against him.

"Shhhhh- no complaining, Jav, you know the rules," you laughed at the pained expression on his face as he turned his eyes to you from over his hand.

"Fine, fine- okay, just- get it over with."

You grinned, shifting to lie with your head in Javi's lap and your legs in Steve's. You watched as Javi tried to keep up his façade of being grumpy, failing miserably at the sight of your excited eyes beaming up at him, a smile pulling at his mouth.

Three sets of eyes turned to the telivision as the opening number played. You made it about 15 seconds in before Javier began to complain.

"See, why does everyone have to start singing, like what's that about-"

"Shh!" you hushed him, feeling Steve's chest shake as he laughed.

Javier groaned as he took in the lyrics of the song, eyes squinting as he shook his head.

"A love machine? Hells that supposed to mean? I feel like if you're being mechanical in bed it can't be that go-"

"JAVI!" you whined, swatting at his chest.

"Okay, okay, fine, I'll shut up," he raised his hands in surrender.

You got about ten seconds of blissful silence before-

"I think I'd describe myself as a love machine-" Steve started.

"That's not a good thing, Murph, like I said-"

"OHH, will you two please just let me watch the film in peace," you groaned, tipping your head back in defeat.

"Yes ma'am," Steve grinned, petting your thigh lovingly with soft strokes and squeezes.

For the next little while the boys were quiet, Steve still stroking your thigh while Javier played with your hair.

Until Javier once again...

"Why'd they hire that guy, he really can't sing- I mean listen to him!"

"Ah ah ah, I will not accept any Pierce Brosnan slander, thank you very much." You quickly interrupted him, poking a finger up at his chin.

"He is good lookin' though, I mean look at those eyes-" Steve rose his eyebrows and motioned to the screen.

"Isn't that guy almost 70 now?" Javier complained, looking at Steve in disbelief.

"And? Your point is?" you objected. "He's a total DILF!"

Javi sighed deeply, throwing his head back and shaking it lightly.

"Yeah, I'm with her on this one," Steve agreed.

"'Course you are," Javi stated before mumbling "ass-kisser" under his breath.

Javier resigned himself to suffering in silence for the rest of the film, grumpily shovelling handfuls of popcorn into his mouth.

Meanwhile you and Steve were working at the drinks, downing more and more until you became so invested in the musical it became a karaoke. Meryl Streep, as much as you loved her, couldn't hold a candle to Murph's drunken and off-key rendition of 'The Winner takes it all', Javier pretending not to be entertained as you rolled in laughter in his lap with tears streaming from your eyes.

Two hours later the credits finally rolled, causing Javi to sigh in relief. That was, naturally, until the post-credits tune Waterloo began, invoking yet another karaoke rendition from Steve and yourself, Steve holding you upright on your knees on the couch chest to chest.

"Please, no more, you two sound like street cats fighting over the last scrap of meat."

Steve gasped in mock offense before lifting on of the throw pillows and lobbing it in Javier's direction.

"Oh you wanna play it that way, huh? Pillow fight? Like a little girls' sleepover? Well if you're gonna be like that-" Javi leapt up and whacked the pillow against the top of Steve's head. Steve retaliated by launching his body on top of Javi to lie on his chest, taking you with him. Sandwiched between the two play-fighting men you could do little but laugh as they wrestled each other.

Steve grinned as he caught the sensitive spot on Javi's side, causing the latter to laugh heartily at the ticklish feeling. At the look of amusement on your face, Javier turned his attention to you, an idea forming in his head.

"Oh, yeah? Think that's funny do you, baby?" Javi made eye contact with Steve, gesturing for the two of them to shift their attention to their girl. Steve caught the hint, a smirk spreading across his face.

"Guess we'll have to show you just how funny it can be, huh?" Steve simpered.

Javi rolled so that you fell from his chest onto the couch, the two men now resting in a push-up position above you.

"No, no, no- please-" you begged, but it was too late. Two sets of hands skimmed across your skin, instantly locating all of the most ticklish spots as you wailed. Your chest convulsed in laughter, the sound of it mingling with theirs as tears sprang to your eyes.

"Okay- I surrender- please, please!" you sobbed. They finally took mercy on you, stopping their attack and leaning down to lie almost on top of you.

Both boys pressed kisses to all the flesh they could reach around your face and neck, allowing you to feel their smiles against your skin.

You raised both hands and laid one on each of their heads, petting them with all the love you held.

Javi shifted to hold his face over yours, a tender look in his eyes which stole the breath from your lungs. He sent a knowing smile at you then leaned down to capture your lips, the kiss slow and deep. He stroked your cheek, slanting his mouth to meet yours even further. A whimper interrupted your kiss, a jealous Steve nuzzling your jaw with his nose. You laughed breathlessly, beckoning him towards you with a gentle "C'mere, Murph."

Steve headbutted a grumbling Javi out of the way before stealing your lips for himself, the kiss just as meaningful and passionate as the first. He whined into your mouth as you tugged lightly at his hair, his tongue flicking against your lip. His breath brushed against your mouth as he panted longingly.

"Stop hogging, asshole," Javi fussed, trying to wedge his way back to your mouth.

It was going to be a long night, but you'd never complain. You loved them, and you could feel just how much they loved you.

#javier pena x reader #steve murphy x reader

[everafterkeiji]

Song: Car Window by Thomas Headon

Summary: After the memorable defeat of Aoba Johsai to Karasuno, Iwaizumi meets his lover at an uncanny moment.

Pairings: Hajime Iwaizumi x fem! reader

Word count: 3.7k

Genre: fluff

A/N: PART 2 IS COMING FOR THE KATSUKI ONE MY MIND IS JUST HELLA CONFUSED AND IWA HAS BEEN INVADING MY THOUGHTS

It's quite hilarious how life can reward your dullest moments with an unexpected blessing. A few people have experienced such a thing, sometimes the blessing comes in success or a present from somebody you longed for.

Usually, 60 seconds were easy to endure and its a time you'd like to pass by too quickly knowing what magic or milestone was bound to happen in such a short time anyway? Though there are times where it feels like it holds much more seconds especially when you're working out or either in a really long meeting you hated.

Then again, who are you to underestimate the endless possibilities that were to happen in that time span? Maybe you'd receive a random lottery ticket and you know, you can win or even have the chance to meet a celebrity.

But what could have possibly prepared Iwaizumi for the best 60 seconds of his life?

Here he was, sulking in the sorrow that was brought to his team by the defeat of the match between them and Karasuno, the ticket to nationals slipped away from their fingers. Who was to deny the tears they've shed once they entered the bus, it was their safe space to lean on each other and they spent the rest of the ride comforting each other. All throughout the bus you could hear sniffles and Oikawa trying to hold his team together.

Iwaizumi was seated next to the open window as he listens to Oikawa being the encouraging captain he is, the setter grasps the heart of the team feeling comfort in a while, even Iwa admitted that his friend brought him back to the light.

He had his earphones in, enough of the silly comments his seatmate, Oikawa, has made. He has his arm leaned on the little edge of the window, with his chin resting on his forearm. His eyes desperately wanted to close from his previous crying but he fears once he closes his eyes he'd be brought back to the moment where the ball wasn't saved, to the doubt that floods his mind wondering if he even deserves to be their ace. Gladly with the help of Tooru, this thought was dismissed and now all that Iwaizumi was doing was staring at the sight in front of him.

He takes this time to reflect on what he could do to enhance what he lacked during that match. He wonders if his reaction time was too slow or the power in each spike was unbalanced. Did he even trust himself completely when he played? If he didn't, why did he think it was the right time to question his abilities when there was something at stake?

He sighs to himself as he removes his earphones, knowing not even music was helping him ease his mind. Oikawa has fallen asleep beside him, the setters head leaning on Iwaizumis back. Even if he wanted to push away the boys head, he knew Oikawa was tired of putting on his composed captain facade, so he let the poor boy rest.

Then he hears blaring music from the car opposite to him making his head come upward a bit as he glares at the car, disturbing his triumph at peace. A red light comes on and he rolls his eyes thinking of how he was going to sustain the noise.

But then, that's where he wished 60 seconds lasted forever.

Right before him was the noisy car with one window open revealing a sight that makes his heart flutter and his mind frantically running in circles. He sees a girl with her eyes closed singing her lungs out while she finishes the note with a smile and a giggle, once she opens them, the afternoon light beaming down on her delightful orbs enhancing it's hues, even giving her skin a glass like finish with how healthy it looked, her cheeks painted a shade of pink that were like the flowers that reminded him of Valentine's.

And then these stunning pair of eyes, landed on his love struck ones.

He feels the way his heart registers how lucky he was to gaze at such beauty, like a sunset with all the delightful colors or the overall atmosphere of spring, the feeling of it being so foreign to him but nevertheless, he accepts this new found giddy feeling. He watches how she leans her cheek on her hand and maybe then he should've felt the way cupid's bows ran through him so easily.

Unfortunately, the panic sets in.

With such grace was ahead of him, he worried about his own sake. He wonders if his hair looked presentable, and didn't portray how stressed he was because of the game. He wished he didn't look shiny from all the sweat and tears. He suddenly feels the urge to rummage through his bag and comb his hair and fix his appearance, Oikawa would've teased him for acting so foolish for the girl. But what else can he do?

Admiration and relationships wasn't included in his dictionary since the only thing he looked forwards to was volleyball and his studies. Being in a situation where he wasn't able to act quickly with how flustered he was, brought him down completely. He knew in his games that whatever he did would affect the team in multiple ways but he counted on his teammates so that every action would be returned with a positive outcome.

Now is the opposite.

This could have so many outcomes. Maybe one second there'd be a guy beside her wrapping his arm around her and flipping him off for looking, then theres rejection lingering in the air. Maybe she wasn't into guys? Maybe she has a specific standard and that he wasn't hitting her expectations? Possibly just gotten of a relationship and wasn't interested in dating right away?

Oh god, you've got to stop. He thinks to himself.

A tiny encounter made his mind collapse with so many ideas. He couldn't even mutter a word to her, then his mind leads him to think it'd quickly lead to dating, god maybe even a relationship. He's had zero idea on what her name is so how can he come to conclusions so quickly? He knows he needed to stop asking these unanswerable questions before he could mess up his first attempt to converse with her.

Then with a gentle smile from this gorgeous stranger, he feels the warmth that surrounds him as he returns the smile to her as if it was an instinct. After that he settles for a tiny breakdown, confused to why he did that.

He turns his head to the light noticing how 15 seconds were only left out of this encounter. Hastily, he wanted to ask for her name or at least build up the courage to shout what he wanted to say, though he was left utterly speechless. He couldn't possibly gain that high of an esteem to just speak out to a stranger without blurting out how attractive he found her to be.

But he needed to try or else this moment was bound to be something he'd regret.

"Iwa-chan!"

Oikawas voice surprised him as the setter stretches with a smile on his lips, from the movement he lets his arm rest on the aces shoulder making Iwaizumi panic and irritated at the loss of time.

Meanwhile the young girl continues to stare at the man who has held his gaze the entire time they were there. You see the way his features were all amazingly sculpted, every crevice, every inch, to say that he was handsome was an understatement. Judging from his attire, you could tell he was an athlete, also with how the bags from behind him was shown. You also saw his reaction to meeting you and you wished he didn't see yours.

You felt embarassed when he saw you sing, you weren't ready to face a boy like that and to think that you gave off such a random first impression. You hated the way the sun was shining on you making you think it showed the harsh texture of your skin, not to mention how blinded your eyes were after it. You were flustered to say the least but your eyes couldn't dare to leave his.

Something about him was so pleasing. It makes you come up with dozens of scenarios to who this boy was. Is a girlfriend involved? Is he the type of boy you'd read on a novel? You smile to yourself at how silly the idea was. Usually in novels, movies or books, each meeting was distinct than the other. There are always the unique encounters, then there are the completely weird ones but for you this was somewhat the sweetest thing you've stumbled upon.

Although maybe falling in love under a red light wasn't always the ideal, to the two of you it seemed to fit.

You see brown locks behind him and this makes the pretty boy show a shocked reaction. Shit, is that his boyfriend? You thought. Your eyes lock with this new figure and he happily waves at you catching you off guard. You wave awkwardly, anxious of who this man was.

"Gosh you are incredibly pretty but alas this man likes you, his name is Iwa-"

The vehicle speeds off before he could even finish his sentence. Iwaizumi turns to the setter as Oikawa trembles in fear as he feels flames surround him, the anger irradiating from the spiker. Oikawa lets out a scream as Iwa leaves a smack to the boys head as Tooru whines caressing his throbbing head from the pain. Iwaizumi sinks in his seat, letting the emotions course through him making his lips form a line.

Too many things happened all at once. Oikawa basically hitting on her but suddenly half introducing him? How did he even know? She's gone, he thinks. He lets out a displeased sigh shaking his head while biting his lip, disliking how embarassment and regret was mixing perfectly. He hated how Oikawa had the chance to even talk to her before their chances were dust. Oikawa even managed to let out a compliment he wanted to say but the words were taken from him.

"I'm sorry okay! Don't hit me again please!" Oikawa begs as Iwaizumi lets out a scoff as the setter takes in his expressions. Slumped in his chair with arms crossed at his chest, eyebrows furrowed, and a familiar twist to his lips when he was frustrated in a game. Oikawa chuckles slightly connecting the pieces from the previous events.

"So what? You've lost the love of your life, Iwa-chan?" Oikawa teases making Iwaizumi raise a hand as Oikawa dodges it using his bag as a shield. He thought it was just a coincidence before. He woke up when Iwaizumi was plotting his approach and he happened to catch a glimpse of the two staring at each other like nothing else mattered. He questions if Iwaizumi was actually serious of his feelings for a stranger but when he sees the genuine smile that he gives her, he was surprised.

With an unforgiven action, he just chose to try to introduce him knowing Iwa would've never done it as fast as he could. Although in Iwaizumis eyes, Oikawa flirted with her but in reality he just wanted to help knowing maybe someday, this encounter would bring him happiness. Even if the girl would be miles away, he knew that the impact of them meeting was something that would cloud Iwaizumis thoughts on a daily.

Oikawa notices how Iwaizumi would inspect every face in the street or crowd just to find the girl his eyes have fallen in love with. There were many unsuccessful times where he's mistaken her for someone else and he despises it. Oikawa thinks about how he can help his poor teammate and a bulb appears above his head as he continuously taps the spikers shoulder.

"Have you ever considered a dating app, Iwa-chan?" Iwaizumi blushes at the question but he shakes his head as Tooru takes Iwa's phone and ran to a corner unlocking it. Iwaizumi rushes to find him as Oikawa lets out a gasp and a cackle. The spiker finds him and immediately grabs him by the collar of his shirt yet the setter couldn't careless.

"WHAT IS IT YOU DINGBAT."

"Seems like you're the one who's a step ahead of me, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa exclaims making Iwaizumi furrow his eyebrows but once his eyes settle on the dating app that was open from his phone, heat rushes to his cheeks shading it pink. He puts down Oikawa with a shove before pulling his phone away from the boy.

"So what.." He whispers as Oikawa lets out another laugh, wiping his eyes. Iwaizumi hids the phone in his pocket, locking it. He continues to walk leaving a sigh as Oikawa runs to catch up with him.

"Well don't be shy now. Any success?" Oikawa asks, trying to ease down his playful tone. Iwaizumi turns his head to him, before huffing in defeat.

"Nothing. No one can ever come close to her."

"Maybe she's trying to find you too?" Iwaizumi lets out a scoff. He wished it was true. He didn't think he was the type to be memorable, the guy you'd find yourself dreaming of. He thought he was a mere average boy and that there was always going to be someone better. He desperately wants to meet you but are you really putting effort like he is?

Was it just him who felt a connection?

They weren't put in a universe where it was easy to find your soulmate. The moment where everything fits perfectly wasn't always guaranteed in their situation. Why did they have to meet at a red light? They could've met at a cafe after his practice so he didn't need to worry about the time or how he was going to approach her. He swore if ever he met her properly again, there'd be no hesitation.

For you, you've also searched for this boy. Only hearing a fraction of his name so you couldn't really play detective with a tiny lead. Although the boy that complimented looked familiar, but maybe you were just mistaken? You've downloaded multiple dating apps like him but whenever there was a match, they never looked like the pretty boy you saw. You would recognize him from anywhere knowing his features were very much embedded in your memory. If only their bus hadn't sped off too quickly, maybe then you would've gotten his name. Although his name might just be a crumb in your way to find him.

-

"He can't be any better than me, that I'm sure of." Your little brother exclaims as he flips the magazine page. You sighed resting your cheek and chin on the palm of your hand as you watch your brother curse the man on the magazine. You tilt your head, curious to the envy he had. Your brother was well into volleyball and he usually asks for you to buy him the latest volleyball magazine so he could look up to whoever was on it but his overconfident comments had you laughing every time.

Once your eyes landed on the page, you sat up immediately grabbing the magazine and holding it close to yourself.

Oikawa Tooru. You read.

You take in the way he looks and then you specifically remembered a certain face. Your eyes widen in realization that this was the man who complimented you. The man that could lead you to him. Your eyes scan all the trivia about the well known player and finally finding the team and school he was on. Aoba Johsai.

You immediately grab your phone, typing furiously searching for the said school. You click on their website seeing the latest news about the school. There was a certain article that had an eye catching picture.

It was a group photo of their volleyball team and your eyes landed on Oikawa himself, founding out that he was the captain of this successful team also being a setter. As your eyes scanned through every member, your heart nearly dropped when you saw him. There he was stood next to two other members, smirking at the camera. Like a fool, you let out a squeal, exhilarated that you've found him. You scrolled further finally knowing the names of each member.

Iwaizumi Hajime.

You smile to yourself as you read his name, finding it pretty the way it suited him. You read that he was a spiker and so called ace in the team. With this found information, your heart was jumping in different directions. Your mind was bringing up multiple scenarios of seeing him in his element and that makes heart bubbles appear behind you.

How perfect. You think.

You knew the location of the school and you wonder if it was right to visit. You tried to push back the idea of rejection but maybe it was a sign for you to stop assuming and acting all stalkery. You let go of your phone, pacing around the room deciding on the better option. Visit him and get your hopes up when he doesn't even miss you or visit him and end up having the chance you both missed. Too many what ifs and what abouts rushed through your mind, but trying isn't a bad thing to do.

-

"I'm so fucking dumb, I can't believe myself."

You groan to yourself as you walk around. You gained the courage to finally visit Aoba Johsai, where your little volleyball prince was attended at. Unfortunately, your lack of understanding directions brought you to this poor situation making you look like a lost puppy, desperate to call for help but the thought of people judging you just because you were lost haunts you.

You grew more and more impatient as time passes, counting on your phone as a GPS but honestly nothing was working when your brain couldn't comprehend how you got lost when you followed the directions. You sigh in annoyance.

You took the time today to look as good as you can make yourself, ready to face him. Yet when everything was all set for you, it went downhill just because of some directions. You shut your phone off, frustrated the way the voice kept repeating where to turn. So you run your fingers through your soft hair as you decided to move on your own.

"So where do you wanna eat?" Oikawa asks as he stretches while walking. Iwaizumi lets out a yawn as he gives the boy a shrug as a response. Oikawa checks on his phone scrolling to look at some places they've yet to eat at. Iwaizumi inspects his bags if he's packed everything. He notices his water bottle was missing and he mutters that he would be right back, going back to the gym to retrieve his bottle. Oikawa hears nothing though as he giggles at the compliments his fans have left him.

You bend down tying your shoes as a stranger passes by. You stood right up dusting off the dirt in your knees. As the universe gasps, realizing that the person who went pass you was Iwaizumi himself. Yet they didn't bother to make ends meet as you two walk in different directions.

Oikawa raised his cellphone trying to get a decent angle as he checks himself through it. The lighting was perfect for him and once he was about to snap the photo he notices a person behind him. His eyes widen as his looks at you as you fiddle with your bag. Oikawa sets down the phone as he turns to you with his mouth open. His head turns frantically, trying to search for Iwaizumi. It's her. Oikawa thinks. He takes a good look at you once more just so he can confirm his thoughts if you were truly the girl Iwaizumi was talking about. He found himself familiar at your features as you took a turn, escaping his presence not even knowing Oikawa was stood a few inches away from you.

Oikawa couldn't hold himself together as he lets out a laugh. After it, he turns to the sky with an amused smile before speaking.

"Ah, you're too funny. I'll let them find themselves."

Out of all the chances they gave you, the two of you were at the same place but was running around each other.

You let out a whine as you see a figure walking with his back facing you, seeing the jacket that the team had on one of the pictures you browsed. You let out a sigh before wiping away the sweat you had on your face, freshening up your appearance. Giving up and finally allowing people to help you, you approach this tall figure, tapping them gently on the shoulder.

"Hello! I-I'm sorry, I just wanted to ask where the Aoba Johsai gym is? I got pretty lost." You says with a light chuckle as the person turns around, revealing the man you've endlessly searched for.

Both of your eyes enlarged at the sight of each other, such at a close proximity as you both scan each others faces, making sure if this was finally the reality they longed for.

It's you.

"H-hajime Iwaizumi?"

Iwaizumi eyebrows furrow, curious to how you found out but this leaves a smile on his lips loving the way it escaped through your mouth. His eyes gave out a soft glance before nodding and extending his hand out.

Your eyes dragged down as you stare at his hand that was deeply waiting for yours. You look up at him once more before smiling with tinted cheeks.

"That's me, and you are?"

"I'm Y/N."

"Nice to finally meet you, pretty red light girl." You blush even more as Iwaizumi lets out a chuckle before you shook his hand, both hearts meeting, as fate was sealed once your hands met. Some might say that Cupid stared at the two of you, relieved you both found your way to each other.

Oikawa turns to look at the two of them as he leans on the wall, shaking his head with a sly smirk.

"Fate huh?"

#haikyu x reader #haikyuu!! #iwaizumi x y/n #iwaizumi x you #haikyuu iwaizumi #hajime iwaizumi #oikawa torū #haikyuu tooru #hq oikawa #haikyuu sugawara #hinata shouyou #hinata x reader #nishinoya x reader #sugawara x y/n #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima fluff #daichi sawamura x reader #haikyu fluff #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi x reader

[whats-rambled-rambled]

Long Nights - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here.

Eddie Vedder - Long nights

I’ve already talked about it in another post a bit, so--

For the first time, I had a full series figured out even before I started writing. All the arcs, main plot points, even the final conversation! I even had a 3h long playlist with all the songs that would come in handy along the way, but still, none of them was the one (so basically same thing that happened with Smoke series)

I started thinking about the main theme and/or drive for our new Reader, and then it hit me. There already is a story with that vibe, and it has such an amazing soundtrack.

So I opened Spotify and browsed through the album.

And I found it.

The overall mood was not something that was going to be helpful at the beginning of the series, but oh my, those lyrics were it for all the things I had planned.

//Have no fear

For when I'm alone

I'll be better off than I was before//

That’s R, all right. Not afraid to be alone, she prefers it. Nothing can hurt her, unlike when she gets too invested. Commitment issues and whatnot.

//Long nights allow me to feel...

I'm falling...I am falling

The lights go out

Let me feel

I'm falling

I am falling safely to the ground//

Knowing what I was about to put R through, this looks only fitting, don’t you think?

Chapter 1: Sigrid - Don’t kill my vibe

I could see LN!R so clearly. I wanted to explore some of my favourite rogue tropes, and she was perfect for it. In my head, she was definitely younger than the other two from my previous series. A bold type, a joker, but serious when it comes to her craft. Not with the same heavy emotional baggage (not at the start, at least - I felt like, opposed to Smoke!R who was more about distracting herself when she felt too much, our new R would be more about denial, or hiding her issues behind her jokes).

I found this song on some random playlist, and I knew it was her.

//You shut me down, you like the control

You speak to me like I'm a child

Try to hold it down, I know the answer

I can shake it off and you feel threatened by me

I tried to play it nice but

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't kill my vibe

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't break my stride//

To me, that was that moment she gets dragged into the car. Not having the obvious lies TP feeds her, definitely finding them all and the stuff they throw at her hilarious, calling them out on their bullshit without thinking twice over it.

//Guess you're surprised I'm the puzzle you can't figure out//

That got me an idea for part 2 and the coffee situation - come on, you know I can’t resist that trope when it comes to Neil, I think it’s an excellent way to get to know the characters a little bit and tell something more about the dynamic.

Tom Grennan - I might

To me, it’s another character introduction song.

//Oh I love, oh I love, love my freedom//

....you already know what I’m getting at, right?

//Don't want no one taking up my time

Staying on my mind, changing up my life

Don't want no one messing up my bed

Fucking with my head, it's no lie//

That’s her. R hates to be manipulated, that’s why she’s mad at Mahir. I didn’t want to put all the angst here, but I knew there was something deeper hidden there, after his comment about her trust issues. I didn’t know what exactly, but I knew it would come in handy later.

There was one spin on the story I was playing with - where she actually lets them all lead her on for a while, a whole elaborate ruse to get her invested and onboard, but that was a lot of drama quite early on, and I wanted this to be a lighter series (oh shush, I am well aware how that played out in the end, I tried, alright? Not my fault I apparently can’t come up with a story without sprinkling it with a shitload of angst)

//But when you look at me like that

I might//

See, this is when I stopped. I didn’t think R would be falling head over heels for Neil right from the start. That’s why the heart beating faster at the end of the chapter was supposed to be about the lock and something finally sparking her curiosity, taking her out of the boredom of everyday life.

Kings of Leon - Find me

That’s more chapter-specific.

//I really wanna know your name

See your face, know who you are, who you are

How did ya find me, how did ya find me?

What are you looking for, are you looking for

How did ya find me how did ya find me

Up in the shadow, picking up my load//

I found it quite fitting the moment R meets Neil again and he drags her to a back alley, and then again, in the car. She isn’t scared, more like fascinated, she finds the whole thing exciting, even.

American Authors - I’m born to run

Oh my god, the vibe of this song! This is that need for freedom and carelessness I needed to tap into.

//I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

I'm gonna spend my time like tomorrow won't come

Do whatever I want like I'm born to run

I wanna see Paris, I wanna see Tokyo

I wanna be careless even if I break my bones

I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

All these things I've seen and done

I live my life like I'm born to run//

The Pretty Reckless - Prisoner

Another random song I found one day while I was cooking breakfast. I was like “oooh, I dig that!” and then I listened to the lyrics and I knew I needed it for this story.

//You could have my body

But you can't have me

I know I'm a criminal

Don't you tell on me//

That’s it. Her. I knew that would be handy for the moment Neil breaks after all the teasing. And that criminal bit. I mean - come on!

Missy Elliot - Work it

(This is technically part 2 but it was messing with the flow on the playlist and I’m leaving it here)

Okay, this is quite meta and corny, because this is probably one of the oldest jokes you can find for Tenet, and I’ve been battling with myself if I should even put it here, but I referenced it in the chapter, so here we are. I’ve loved this song for years, and when I was trying to think what would R listen to while she tries to clear her head while she works on the bloody inverted lock - that was the only thing that seemed appropriate.

//Come on

Is it worth it? Let me work it

I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it

Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i//

...you see what I mean?

Chapter 2: Praise you

God, okay, this song - when I heard it while I was working on the story, it brought a movie-like montage of scenes in front of my eyes. You know the type, when they try to show you how the time passes, how someone progressively becomes better at something. That was Neil, working on those locks. R giving him tips, then teasing him. The way he loses his cool, only to slowly gain confidence, and then how she ups her game, both of them getting their bits of satisfaction from the whole game.

//We've come a long long way together

Through the hard times and the good

I have to celebrate you baby

I have to praise you like I should//

Have I ever told you when exactly I got the idea for the series? When I was writing that hostage situation fic and the moment R remembers her lockpicking sessions. I thought - what if it was the other way around? What if that was Neil who was about to start learning about picking locks?

It had so much potential for ✨hand content✨ and how could I resist?

...And I knew that R would see what I’m seeing, and she would rather like it. And the image of a very flustered Neil while she teases the hell out of him? Yep, yep, yep.

Sam Fender - Start again

This one definitely starts that montage as well, the repetition of going over and over again. Even if the whole song is definitely heavier than I needed, I decided to keep it, mostly for this part:

//Let's start again

Let's learn to talk

Without the fear of being heard

'Cause everybody's listening to everything and everybody

Let's pull the cord

Move below

Let's start again//

Chapter 3: Billy Raffoul - Difficult

Ah, Billy. And when I found this one, I got goosebumps, because I instantly knew that if I had to choose one song for them, it would probably be this one.

//You never get lost in love, you only get lost in me

You never can get enough of whatever you think you need

No matter how hard I try I never can beat this rush

Ain't nobody get me high, feel lighter when we touch//

This fits them so well, innit? We know how R feels about this whole love thing, she enjoys a good shag, and I had a feeling that after such a build-up, that night together would be something quite amazing, for both of them.

//We never get lost in love, we only get lost in sheets

You'd rather just shut me off whenever we get too deep//

That’s the moment when they have a vibe check in the morning. They had fun. Is it gonna affect their dynamic? They’re attracted to each other, they understand one another. Can they keep it casual? We know that R can, or at least she thinks so, but what about Neil? We know he’s a soft idiot, but I specifically imagined a bit younger version of him for this story - he had to be, if he was just learning about lockpicking. So the whole “no dating, just sex” could be fine with him for a while, but would he catch feelings anyway? Probably, yeah. And sooner than later.

//And now I'm standing in the rain

And your hair, it's falling in your face

And I know we're doing the right thing//

Not the rain, but shower, kinda works too, right? And I already knew that the rain would be a pretty important factor a little bit further into the story.

//But I can't help wondering, who will take my place?//

Ouch.

//On and off, difficult

Too in love to let it go

Now, who's gonna hold me like you do?//

The emotions in this bit, dear lord. It’s this high that takes your breath away, sweeps you off your feet, scorches the reality, and leaves no survivors.

That being said, I don’t think they are really in love at this point. They really care for each other, though, that’s where the softness comes from.

//Hmm who's gonna hold you like I do?//

I literally gasped when I heard that last line. Hits right in the heart, just as I like it.

Rhys Lewis - Waking up without you

There’s something in this song that makes it incredibly sexy. It was great for the morning after vibe, where they don’t really have enough of each other yet.

//Skin on skin

We didn't finish what we started

Heart to heart

I'm missing your love//

Keir - Probably

The way it flows? How powerful the chorus is? It’s heavy, hot, and just makes my heart beat faster.

//Colliding were the walls

And I forget where I began

I wish I could remember love//

Holy fuck. It always makes me think of something awakening deep inside R, definitely not ready to be acknowledged at that moment in the story.

//Probably underneath

There's a remedy

Possibly in the air

In the oxygen I breathe

Probably//

And this part is just mind-blowing. There’s this longing there, and if that feeling isn’t perfect for something more steamy, then I don’t know what is.

Dermot Kennedy - Glory

This one just… expands my heart? I don’t know how else to explain it. Especially the chorus. And then when I think of it in the context of the story, I somehow place it in TP’s office, when Neil gets all protective and doesn’t want to risk taking Reader on a mission where something can so easily go wrong, only because he isn’t prepared enough.

//A set of eyes had pinned him

Became his version of a kingdom

She's everything the devil can't be

When she's singing to me "Glory"//

Maybe that’s when he starts to realize that he cares more than he thought.

Rhys Lewis - Living in The City

If the previous song was Neil’s perspective, we’re back to R. Just look at the lyrics:

//I've been living in the city too long

I've been given everything that I've got

Been a sinner and a saint

Crazy, and sane

I've been living in the city too long//

We’re kinda circling back to part 1, that need to skip town, right?

//There's a part of my soul that wants to let go

Wants to just run away

But the rest of my soul says I should stay

I should stay//

And now we’re back when she can say that the mission is not her problem, she did the best she could, and TP can go fuck himself. Is it just that she feels responsible for her student? Or she likes him enough so she has to make sure he succeeds and comes back? Or she sees a friend in need, something to open, and doesn’t think twice about it?

Chapter 4: Bastille - World gone mad

God, do I love this song.

//So this is where we are

It's not where we had wanted to be

If half the world's gone mad

The other half just don't care, you see

You don't want to fuck with us

British to the very last

When it feels like the world's gone mad

And there's nothing you can do about it

No there's nothing you can do about it//

It felt so accurate for the part when R gets to see all that inverted reality? There’s a slight heaviness of heart there, and it matches the mood when she feels overwhelmed. On the other hand, there’s a bit of hope, the feeling of not being alone in this mad world, and that’s all that matters.

Who’s Molly - Touch the sky

Badass. Pure and simple. It hypes you up, brings a smile to your face, makes you believe everything is possible.

//We can never see beyond that horizon.

And no one knows this road and where it's going to lead.

But there's one thing, one thing that's for certain.

We'll make it through.

If you were here with me.//

That softer bit with inverted guns. And later on, throughout the chapter. They both find comfort in each other’s presence on the mission, after all.

//I wasted so much time trying to find a meaning.

I never looked up, couldn't seem to turn around.

And then you crashed in, and you gave my life a reason.

You pick me up, so high and my feet won't touch the ground, no no no.

Never would have thought I could win this battle.

I was left for dead, every hope in tatters.

We're going to set the world alight tonight.

Cause we can touch the sky!//

That’s the excitement and fun they’re having on the training grounds, not at all stressed about what’s to come.

//Close your eyes, free your soul.

You feel it, don't try it, then you’ll never know.//

Ah, and we’re here at my favourite reference to feeling something, thank you Mr Nolan, sir, so useful.😌

Dermot Kennedy - Young & free

Another one by Dermot Kennedy, and definitely not the last.

//All that she said to me stays with me, never to die

Held me brand new in the silence that went through the pines

Like I said already darling, I don't want you looking back at all the ghosts left behind

Know you'll stay near me so road remains hopeful this time

We were young

We were free, come on now, let it go//

The little whiplash in the mud, where they share a short moment, before they follow with the crackheadery, maybe partly to push back from coming close to something more meaningful. Because it’s there already, kindling, waiting to be spotted and recognized.

James Gillespie - Don’t let me get me

Okay, so - the original song by P!nk was always something that resonated with me, so when Spotify recommended that one, I was like “okay, I’m not sure why but let’s try it.” And then it brought me to that scene in the container.

//I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me

I'm my own worst enemy

It's bad when you annoy yourself

So irritating//

To be honest, I didn’t plan on R to have such a strong case of a mean brain. It was supposed to be a lighter series 🙃. But as you already know, those characters have minds of their own, and it kinda sorta happened. I knew it would be more of a simple panic than full-blown panic attacks that haunted StuckIn!R, topped with pretty loud intrusive thoughts causing her to spiral, especially when she was exhausted.

Ruelle - Oh my my

Listen to that one and tell me you don’t want to go on a sneaky mission, I dare you. I even had it noted as my title song, but then I switched to Bastille.

//I can feel it in my bones, in my bones

Hear it rumble like a drum, like a drum

Like a vapor in the wind, in the wind

You never see us creeping in, creeping in

Oh my my, oh my my

You never stood a chance

...

Ready or not, here we come//

The vibe is just amazing. The low-key hype? Is that a thing? It must be. And those drums! Even quite fitting for a patter of rain, one might argue.

Speaking of rain--

Chapter 5: Dermot Kennedy - After rain

The title alone is perfect for this chapter, but the rest of it - my poor heart. This chapter and the finale have some of the most beautiful and/or heart-wrenching songs I’ve ever heard, and this one is definitely one of them.

//But it's alright because

You cause lanterns to light

And force demons disperse

And if Lucifer may fear the swift drying of tears

Then, for evil, you could not be worse

But I see you now, yeah, I see you

And release me now, kinda like dreams do

And I see you now, was hard to see you

Just don't forget to sing

Remember everything//

So we have Neil storming off from the bathroom because he’s clearly going through something. The immense guilt brewing inside him, overflowing and backfiring, when he can’t cope with seeing her so battered, knowing that she may never fully recover, and just because he hesitated out there. The fear is there, but also other feelings he tries to keep in check now.

I had that image of R asking him to stay, then just breaking down in the darkness. I was aware it would only add to the issues Neil already had, but it would be nothing compared to the fact that she needs him, and he’d be ready to push everything that bothered him away to comfort her.

Humming a lullaby that he promised her in the container. And R recognized it (kind of), because he used parts of it to plead with her to stay with him after the fall, so she could one day hear the whole thing, because she took that rain check and she needed to cash it in, right?

...yeah, I like breaking my own heart, why? (should I write that part one day?)

//If you think just maybe it's her

Then promise me, young man, you're gonna let her know

You won't go lonely, yeah

It'll all be better in the morning

'Cause while you sleep, I'll build a wall//

Aquillo - Six feet over ground

Whenever I hear this song now, my mind goes to that scene in the bathroom.

//Today's the day I found myself alright

When I look ahead, pretend it never came.

I found a way to keep my head above

But the hardest part is to say 'No it's not'

Well I'm okay, and I'm still breathing

I'm still six feet over ground

But you don't need to know now

You don't need to know how I'm doing//

They both hide how they really feel. That they are not okay. They’re both scared, blaming themselves. Reader doesn’t want to worry Neil too much, but she also tries to convince herself that she is fine. And a moment of peace they share shatters as soon as she downplays what happened aloud, and when Neil goes off, she hides behind yet another joke, and then behind a blindfold.

Aquilo - Silhouette

The one for when R tells Neil goodnight and then can’t fall asleep. //Devil's on your shoulder

Strangers in your head

As if you don't remember

As if you can forget

It's only been a moment

It's only been a lifetime

But tonight you're a stranger

Some silhouette //

When he comes to check in on her, and something feels off. She’s lost, yet finds enough strength to ask him to stay.

//Just hold me//

Nathan Ball - Drifting

//I can see in your eyes

When you lie awake at night

You convince yourself you're fine, it's alright

To keep on drifting

With the drugs keeping you high

They catch you falling from the sky

I keep asking myself why

You stand by

And keep on drifting

…

So tell me what you hold inside

Tell the backstreets of your mind

You're still lonely as a child

Teary eyed

Kept on drifting//

Knowing our Reader a bit longer by now, I knew what would happen if she was to be left alone with her thoughts, in pain, and with Neil being weirdly distant.

Have you ever lied in bed, crying silently, trying not to wake up the person next to you but getting absolutely torn apart by the sadness roaring inside you? It’s a different kind of loneliness, not helping in the slightest when you’re biting back sobs. Anyway,--

//So take my hand and hold on

Take my hand don't let go//

That’s something that happened almost organically with these two. Part of their language, hand touches as a sign of support.

I gotta admit, I watched Shadow and Bone already being in the middle of writing the series and seeing how overused the hand-holding flashback was... it there made me slightly cringe every time it came up in the story I was writing later on. On the other hand (hah), it was so them. It had to stay.

Dean Lewis - Need you now - Acoustic

//Cold light wakes me in the morning,

Your side is empty I was calling out to you,

I was calling out to you.//

That’s the next day after R’s breakdown, but check out the next lyrics.

//But I don't need your love,

I just need your

Talking next to me when I wake up, wake up

Talking next to me when I wake up next to you,

When I'm hungover too.

Cause you're the only one who comes when I'm lonely,

You're the only one who comes when I'm lonely for you,

When I'm lonely for you.

All that I need is a sweet escape,

And all that I need is a sweet escape.

...

Cause I don't need your love

But I just need you now

And I don't need your love

I just need you now//

This, y’all, is R, still convinced that it’s not about love, and it’s so perfectly put into words, but the music and the vocals are dripping with longing, making it even more spot-on for the occasion.

RHODES - Breathe

The emotions captured in this… holy shit. They clench my chest and make me struggle for breath. This could have been a song playing in the background when R wakes up from a nap to Neil having a breakdown of his own.

//Mind break in two,

There's a light in the sky, there's a light

And it's all for you

Dawn colors all

Tell me how do you feel?

Tell me how do you need to heal?//

Looking for his hand, only to find a clenched fist. And when she realizes he’s been crying and she hears how broken he is, that’s enough to make her heart shatter, doubly so because he’s agonizing over something she feels responsible for.

//Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I'll keep you warm

Come on!

Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I need your love

Come on now!//

To me, every “come on”, repeated with urgency, is how desperate she is to make him stop spiraling down when she kisses him, and then again, more purposefully, until he gives in and comes back to her.

Circa Waves - Fire that burns - Acoustic

The one for ✨the moment✨.

//Comfort me, oh comfort me

I'm lighting up

To see the day you run for me

You run for me, my love//

Because they both seek comfort in the act, two broken people mending whole in each other’s embrace. Ultimately, finding there something more, whether they are ready to acknowledge it or not.

//But I've been tied up

For days

And I've been thinking of the things that you say

And I've been wound up

Each way

I need to let you know, to let you know today//

Neil already knows how important she is to him. And that’s what he tries to say between the choked-out words, that he thought he’d lost his chance to tell her how much she means to him.

//You call me a liar

You call me so innocent

But you lit the fire

You lit the fire that burns

The fire that burns inside us

I'm not innocent

I lit the fire, the fire, the fire

I lit the fire//

Oh yes, that bit definitely seeped into the chapter.

The XCERTS - Feels like falling in love - alternative version

//Keep yourself safe, keep yourself safe she said

You broke your own heart but there's no need to lose your head

Keep yourself sane, keep yourself sane he said

You gotta give up, give up, give up the dark

To start again//

You can see it, right?

Outlining the whole story, I knew that part 5 would be the part when they fall in love, or realize that they already might be.

//And it feels like falling in, falling in love

Yeah it feels like falling in, falling in, falling in love

Could save me tonight//

The 1975 - Fallingforyou

//According to your heart

My place is not deliberate

Feeling of your arms

I don't want to be your friend, I want to kiss your neck

Don't you see me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

And don't you need me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

On this night, and in this light

I think I'm falling (I think I'm falling), I'm falling for you

And maybe you, change your mind//

They’re so vulnerable there. Everything Neil pours into the act sweeps R off her feet and she opens up and to let him feel the extent of how much she cares for him, unaware that it might be shifting into something from the territory she promised herself not to venture into. Because that’s not important then. Nothing else is. Just them. So simple.

Adam French - Weightless

The light and softness in this song remind me of another Weightless I used for the finale of the Smoke series.

That’s the moment after. Softness. Closeness. Bliss.

//I told ya that you were the only weight on my shoulders

You see you're gonna make it alright

How you're gonna make it alright

When you're gonna make it alright, alright, alright

You say your body will

You say your body will

Hold me in the night

...

Only you can make me weightless

...

Closer is all I ever wanted to be

There for ya so you can be confiding in me

There to break the fall

Here for everybody to see

Weightless after all//

Chapter 6: Declan J Donovan - Perfectly imperfect

I had the moment they fall in love. I knew how it was gonna end, the conversation with Mahir and how it goes from there. I thought that we need some calm before the storm that was bound to happen, and what’s better than a little domestic fluff? A time when they can see each other in a different setting, get to know one another even better. Fall even harder.

And my god, this song.

//You live like you're a secret

One that only I could know

'Cause I said

You know what I want and

I know who you are

I know when I hold you and love you

You'll get up and go before you fall apart//

...that last line hits different when you know what’s gonna happen later, right?

//I'll bring you every colour that I find

In your eyes

You wake me up

And it breaks my heart

That you're perfectly imperfect

You're hurting but you're worth it

You don't know why

I would waste my time

But I'm falling and I mean it

I want you like I need it

There's nothing you could try to change my mind

'Cause I'm in love

So call me when you want me and I'll come running

Find me waiting at your door

So tell me if you're lonely and it won't last long

'Cause I'm in love with you (you)//

That light when the song gets to the part about being in love -- there’s so much tenderness there, and it resonated with the story so much. And the perfectly imperfect line, so so good.

Bastille - Survivin’

The way the song swings and the hopeful vibe is just what I needed for this chapter.

//And I'm not gonna lie

Say I've been alright

'Cause it feels like I've been living upside down

What can I say? I'm survivin'

Crawling out these sheets to see another day

What can I say? I'm survivin'

And I'm gonna be fine

I'm gonna be fine

I think I'll be fine//

As much as Reader didn’t want Neil to be there with her for so long, she really enjoys his company, making the boring and still rather painful recovery period easier.

Ella Henderson, Tom Grennan - Let’s go home together - stripped

Ha, this one! The humour when they tease other words always brings a smile to my face. That playfulness just fits our duo’s dynamic so well.

//Maybe you'll like me the way I am//

Crazy concept, right? And with Neil learning to spot the times when she hides behind a joke, and still being there--

//Feels like I know you so well

You could be everything that I've been missing

I'm coming out of my shell

And I never do that

How did you do that?

It's like I've known you my whole life//

That’s exactly how she feels like. She intently doesn’t think about it though, because if she starts overthinking it… we know what happens. She’s allowing herself to be in the moment, however. And happy.

//You seem like someone I could be myself with, no defenses

Maybe you like me the way I am//

That brings me to all Neil’s animated rants, and how much he appreciates that she always listens. He feels accepted, and I don’t know, it melts my heart a little.

//Baby, I'm in love//

🙃

INXS - Need you tonight

I know I used a cover of this song for another playlist, but the vibe was so different, and you just have to bear with me. It’s one of those songs that sparks the ideas and images, and usually, they involve Neil being a tease and having way too much fun. And as I was plotting the chapter, I thought of R missing out on his shenanigans, and how he could make her see what he was doing, and 😳 oh my. I knew the imagination would run wild. (That definitely might have something to do with a certain scene from a certain movie and a conversation I had with M about how Neil would handle it)

//So slide over here and give me a moment

Your moves are so raw, I've got to let you know

I've got to let you know

You're one of my kind

I need you tonight

'Cause I'm not sleepin'

There's somethin' about you, girl

That makes me sweat//

That’s one sexy song, don’t judge me.

Dermot Kennedy - Days like this

Oh, would you look at that, it’s Dermot again! This one is for that scene on the balcony.

That quiet contentment, like everything fell in its place and life is alright.

//When it's not always raining, there'll be days like this

When there's no one complaining, there'll be days like this

When everything falls into place, like the flick of a switch

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this

When you don't need to worry, there'll be days like this

When no one's in a hurry, there'll be days like this

When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this//

They’re in the moment, comfortable in the relationship that blooms between them. More casual and laid-back throughout the day only to get more soft and intimate in the evenings, when the inner demons’ voices grow louder.

James Bay - Chew on my heart - acoustic

The way the chorus explodes? It makes me beam widely and my heart is about to burst.

//Take your time

I'll be right here

I know no one could ever love me better

Take all night

You're the truth that

Is breaking me and keeping me together

Together

I wanna be in your touch

Sleep is so tough

You're burning up my mind

What would it feel like if you tore me apart?

Come on chew on my heart

...

I'm on fire

I'm a hot mess

I'm thinking things that I might start regretting

So hear me out

I need you now

I'm spiraling

I'm sinking down

Look for me I'm sending up a message

A message//

I think it weirdly fits those times at night when Neil checks the bruises. When their minds wander to that first evening, and they still feel bad about how it ended up, the closeness brings them back to the present and grounds them.

Picture This - Unconditional

This one just makes my heart sing.

//This magic, I don't know what it is but we have it

Even when we're sleepless and damaged

I don't doubt it

We're holding on//

That’s exactly it.

//Baby I wish we could take this feeling

And put it away somewhere safe

'Til we need it

Unconditional

I'm so afraid of losing your love//

They don’t need big words. But they feel it, all right. Whether they are aware of it or not. And they are afraid of losing each other, now that they know how easily that could happen.

//Shivers running down my back with your fingers

The smell of your perfume it lingers

And whispers

What I want you to say

Under your skin, underdressed under covers

We bring out the best in each other

Two lovers finding our way//

The kiss, the touch, the skin on skin contact - some of the most powerful reminders that, for now, they’re safe.

BANNERS - Start a riot

But it’s not always about going all the way, because sometimes you just need to be held. And this song just speaks to me of all that tenderness, all the feelings clenching the heart so much they’re unable to say a word, just want to keep each other as close as they can. Just to make sure they’re really there.

//I will march down an empty street like a ship into the storm

No surrender, no retreat

I will tear down every wall

Just to keep you warm

Just to bring you home

I will burn this city down for a diamond in the dust

I will keep you safe and sound when there's no one left to trust

Will you take my hand?

We can make our stand

If your world falls apart

I'd start a riot

If night falls in your heart

I'd light the fire

In the dark, when you sound the alarm

We'll find each other's arms

For your love, all you are

I'd start a riot//

The lyrics are so beautiful, and there’s so much longing there, and the promise to protect each other, to be there for each other, to face whatever life might throw their way together.

Yeah, it makes me emotional, I absolutely love it. Speaking of emotional--

Chapter 7: Stone Sour - Wicked game - acoustic, live

When Spotify recommended this one to me, I almost skipped it. I’ve heard it a million times in different versions and I thought that there’s nothing to be found there. Oh, was I wrong.

I knew what was going to happen in the chapter - Mahir is about to confront R, surprised by what he sees. And he can clearly recognize that they’re idiots in love, even if they’re trying to lay low in the company. He knows what happened to R, why she’s so cautious and reluctant when it comes to any relationships that are more than simple hookups.

//The world was on fire and no one could save me but you

It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

And I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you//

Because that’s how it started, right? With desire. One could argue that our duo had solid banter before that, respect and understanding, all those things, sure. But ultimately, that was all that sexual tension, sparked by the playful teasing, that pushed them into each other’s arms in the first place.

//No, I don't want to fall in love

With you, with you

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you//

And when Reader finally lets the thought in and it dawns on her that she is, in fact, in love - she goes into full panic. Not because she feels it’s unrequited, god, she’s not stupid, nor blind (too soon?). But she’s mad at herself that she allowed this to happen. She’s afraid that she’ll get hurt, and to avoid that, she has to run away. And that’s gonna hurt Neil as well, and she can’t stand that, hates herself for that, but she’s so scared that she can’t think of any other solution.

Before we get to that, however, there’s a bit more softness to be shared.

Lewis Watson - Little light

//And all this shade is, illuminating

And all those love lines, are taking shape

And all my worries, disintegrating

And I've been waiting, I've been waiting

And all my days were young and wasted

When I was waiting, oh for you

And all the plans that I've been chasing are always fading

But ever since I found you

A little light is breaking through//

Gotta admit, I had this one hidden in the playlists of other chapters, because it captures that feeling when your chest is filled with light and you’re simply happy. It ended up here, because it’s this feeling when R is melting a little inside when she looks at Neil, when she’s in his arms. And how Neil feels, too.

X Ambassadors - Renegades

Funny, I had this song for both times the team appears in the story. There’s this sense of camaraderie to it that I wanted to capture, when you’re with a bunch of people who are like family to you. You can tease them all you want, but at the same time you’d go into battle with them, knowing that you can count on them to have your six.

//Long live the pioneers

Rebels and mutineers

Go forth and have no fear

Come close and lend an ear

…

All hail the underdogs

All hail the new kids

All hail the outlaws

Spielbergs and Kubricks

It's our time to make a move

It's our time to make amends

It's our time to break the rules

Let's begin//

I wanted R to have a taste of that. To let her know that she’s appreciated for helping with the mission. To get to know them all better, and to make amends with TP, of sorts.

I didn’t want to make his motivation clear. He wouldn’t tell her that he knows how the story ends. That he can’t help that, deep down, irrationally, he made her responsible for it. Even if she’s not the one to blame. (And I don’t believe he let’s that happen, in the end, because that’s too much angst, even for me - again, fuck you, Mr Nolan, sir)

Corey Taylor, Dave Grohl, Rick Nielsen, Scott Reeder - From can to can’t

Christ almighty, this one is so raw! The emotional progression in here just blows my mind.

//Under the water

It's cold and it's grey

My torrid autumn

Another season decays

Open up the Hollow

And my walls come down

I tell you it's a problem

Just when no one's around

But then

I know what's wrong

God, you complicated everything

I know you're gone, gone, gone

This is where I will draw my line

I will draw my line//

To me, it’s the scene with R having a breakdown in the bathroom, and then somehow finding the solution. She has a plan, and enough strength and determination to pull through, at least for a moment.

Chapter 8: Dan Owen - Hideaway

I found this song by accident, and I almost screamed at how perfect it is for the finale (and then screamed for the second time when my dearest friend @connie-nikas casually sent me this exact song one day saying that it sounds like something I’d enjoy). The intensity just tears your heart out and makes you struggle to draw a breath, there’s something desperate to it, and I knew that it would be my go-to song for the part where R sleeps with Neil, trying one last time to drown all the pain and sorrow in his closeness.

I could just paste all the lyrics, to be honest, because that’s exactly what’s happening in the scene.

//It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head

And it's a slow cry out

When you've got so many tears you could die

And it's a long time to wait

When you take all my tears away//

Oh, she’s on the verge of tears, all right. Knowing quite well that as soon as Neil picks on them, he’s gonna stop to make sure she’s okay. That once he starts asking questions, she’s gonna fall into pieces, unable to lie to him.

//My body is colder

Time is frozen

All these feelings have poisoned my soul

And in silence no I can't stand it

Please break these chains and hell I can

Hideaway//

She’s scared that if she’s left alone with her thoughts, they will break her and make her stay. What she fears most (besides that she’s gonna end up betrayed, alone and heartbroken) is how Neil’s gonna react to her actions. The last thing she wants is to hurt him. She just hopes that maybe if she leaves now, it’s not gonna be as painful as it would be if she stayed a bit longer. That maybe he’s not fallen in too deep.

//You're my one way out

And my tears won't save me now

Save me now

I can't stand it

All this loneliness I feel

I can't do this alone

I need someone to remind my feelings

That I've fallen down by the door

It's a long way down and my tears won't save me now

It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head//

Macy Gray - I try

One of the first songs that came to my mind when I was composing the playlist for the series. It may be a tad too upbeat for my liking, hah, but parts of the lyrics are spot on, and it had to be there.

//I try to say goodbye and I choke (Yeah)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near

Goodbye and I choke (Yeah!)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near//

It makes me think of the time when they’re in the car. She’s going over the plan, kinda skipping the moment she’d have to say goodbye to Neil. That’s the unbearable part. And when he asks an innocent question and touches her, she crumbles and jokes. Partly to distract him from prodding further, but mostly to distract herself. I didn’t plan on them getting all worked up there, it...happened, but I figured it made for a decent ground for what was about to go down in the hotel room.

Belle Mt. - Hollow - acoustic

//She told me she was hollow

That's far from what I see//

That feeling you get when everything is too much and it leaves you hollow because you can’t take it anymore. A safety mechanism of sorts. It kicks in with Reader, and of course, Neil can sense that something is off. He hopes it’s just her being tired, he knows how she feels after spending too much time with people.

//I told her she was special

She almost let me in

But she couldn't bear the thought of digging up the heart that she's been burying//

We already know it. The thing is - Neil doesn’t. They haven’t really talked about it. Well, they did after the first night, but with all the things that happened later… and with how much affection she shows him? He doesn’t have a reason to suspect something this big.

//Lonely is her favourite

If only I could change it

If I could only save her

But sometimes she's lost, sometimes she's broken

Sometimes she's closed, sometimes she's open

Sometimes she's stone-cold, times she's on fire

Mostly she's everything I desire

Lonely is her favourite place to be//

Galleaux - Tether me

I had it on repeat when I was writing that part when R collapses in Neil’s arms when they’re in bed. Did I mention that I didn’t want Reader to be this emotional in the first part of the chapter? I thought she’d be more distant. Numb, even, here and there slipping up but holding it together until the very end. And then she does that. But it was Neil’s reaction that left me all 🥺. Not only me, apparently, because she let out so much there. I think my heart broke a little when she gave me that make love to me/love me/ never let me go part.

//In this space, do I belong?

It's dark out here in my own thoughts

Pull me back, out of my body

I'm tied to my limbs

They're spinning me out of control

Tether me//

And the way the music builds up only to blow up at 3:11, heavens, and those vocals! It just takes my breath away, fits so well there.

Nothing But Thieves - Lover, please stay

There can’t be a series playlist without Nothing But Thieves! And it’s another song Chels sent me. The way it broke me-- bloody hell. It’s that gentle guitar, it’s the raw emotions in the vocals, and those lyrics! It rips my heart out, in the best way possible.

It’s for that part where Neil falls asleep and R breaks down, fully realizing what she is about to do.

//Lover, I know you're weary

Eyes are tired from the night

Lover, come to the kitchen floor

Tiles are cold, so am I//

You bet your ass she’s having flashbacks to those moments on the cold tiles, but in her bathroom.

//Lover, I feel your sorrow pouring out of your skin

And I don't wanna be alone

If I am tonight, I'll always be//

Lonely might be her favourite place to be, but losing Neil by her own decision hurts more than she thought possible.

//So take from me what you want, what you need

Take from me whatever you want, whatever you need

But lover, please stay with me, oh//

You know what’s the worst, though? As if that scene was not heartbreaking enough, my brain decided to remind me how much it parallels part 7 from Stuck in reverse. Yep. ✨Pain.✨

Foo Fighters - Home

When she walks to her apartment. Crying. Broken. Missing him already.

//Wish I were with you

But I couldn't stay

Every direction

Leads me away

Pray for tomorrow

But for today

All I want is to be home//

About to leave for good.

This is the bit that prompted the final conversation. What even is home to her? Living the way she does, it never was something important. I struggled with that idea, I thought it’s too sweet. But Neil, the stubborn ass that he is, didn’t want to give me anything else, so it stayed - and in the end, I’m happy that it did.

BANKS - Someone new

Okay, this one is perfect with its sadness and longing, but it’s a hit and miss when it comes to lyrics. Take a look -

//I can love you desperately

Though your love ain't guaranteed

Oh, I wish you knew the deal

Gotta learn from far away

And I simply needed space

Space for me to be

And I think you need it too

Though I know you call me selfish for assuming

I did this for you too//

This, this, all of this! You see it, right?

//Everything I do, I'm gonna think of you

Don't know what else to do//

Well, one could argue that they could just talk it through without all the drama, but hey, where’s the fun in that? And running away really seems like the best option to R.

//And please don't fall in love with someone new

I promise one day I'll come back for you//

And here it’s off because I don’t think she plans on going back. So she wouldn’t want him to not fall in love with someone else, because why would she? He deserves to be happy.

//Oh, you say you hate me now and you burn me with your words

Calling me a fool

Saying that I've fucked up everything

And you'll never forgive me//

See, I have a few options for what to do when Neil finds her at the riverside. I knew one thing though - it would never be a full-blown argument and accusations. At first (and when I say first I mean before I actually started writing chapter 1, because I already had the last scene plotted out by then), I thought Neil would be calm, with a kind of “I know you love me too, silly, so what on earth are you doing?” vibe to him, to R’s annoyance. Then, the story became heavier, and I knew Neil would be worried. Lost. Confused. But never to the point of losing his temper, not after that one time in the bathroom. And that’s what happens in that scene. He doesn’t know what to do as he tries to make some sense out of it all.

Agnes Obel - Riverside

//Oh my God I see how everything is torn in the river deep

And I don't know why I go the way

Down by the riverside//

As I mentioned, I knew what I wanted for the final confrontation from the start. That’s why I tried to make that river quite important for both of them, weaving it into the story here and there. That’s why they instinctively go there.

Billy Raffoul - Dark four door

There’s this sad acceptance in this song that just breaks my heart. It makes me think about the moment when Neil wakes up and sees that she’s gone. How he doesn’t know what’s going on, and how his mind slowly connects all the things that felt strange, but he’s unwilling to accept it until he checks Reader’s place. And much it costs him to keep it together when he sees that the bag is gone.

//You got up, you felt you should

I keep trying to myself I would've done the same had I could

I never thought that you would//

Chris Cornell - Before we disappear

Whenever I hear this song, I think of Neil standing there with Reader, hurt, trying to understand what went wrong.

//So how hard can it be to share your life with me?

How hard can it be to rise with me each morning?//

Dermot Kennedy - A closeness

The last one by Dermot. If that isn’t their conversation--

//Keeping her bright eyes focused on the coastline, waiting for you

Isn't she all of us pining for that last kiss

A permanent truth, a means to get through//

Why does she stay up for so long in their spot? Does she subconsciously count on him to show up? Unable to let go, once and for all?

//Deep into the night, eyes closing

Heart swollen with my loving for you

A solid embrace, kind face

And then the hurt starts leaving the room, followed by goons

Sometimes it's open wide and lights the road at night

You've got a heart like the moon

Gather courage, if you're doing something, do it

'Cause she got to go soon//

And when Neil sees her, he wants nothing more than to hug her, he’s so relieved. But then she snaps at him, and he can’t believe that she’d actually think that he planted a bug on her to track her. It’s another wound he didn’t expect, but he waits for her to explain her actions before he lets out how much it all affected him.

Ryan McMullan - Outcry

I was close to making this one a title song for the chapter because as Hideaway sounds like it was written for the time they make love, this one is for the time Neil asks why she left.

//You came a long way to see me

So don't you run off, baby stop pretending that you're fine

What's the point that you're making

Tell me what it is that's going 'round inside your mind

If in doubt, don't fake it

I have known you long enough to know that you can't lie

If you're in love don't be ashamed of it

'Cause even angels fall for demons//

God, of course he saw that she wasn’t alright that night, but she seemed so sure about what she needed that moment that he decided not to push her - they had all the time in the world, he could ask her about it in the morning, right?

And Neil knows when she’s hiding behind jokes. That’s why he doesn’t want to play her game when she deflects what he says about the way she was in bed. He wants her to be honest. Especially since he knows what he saw in her eyes, in her actions, when they were together, and he’s sure it all must have meant something to her.

//I've heard stories, but they're jaded

So give me something more

I only know what I've been told

But I can tell that you're frustrated

And I won't ever pry, I'll only be a hand to hold

If you tell me you're hurting

I'm hurting too, yeah

Don't tell me you're fine - unless you're fine

I'll wait for the outcry

Whenever there is something weighing on your mind//

And Neil knows he can’t pressure her, that’s why he just stands with her and waits. Sweeping his mind over and over again for anything that could have prompted this whole mess.

//If you feel like leaving

Then maybe it's for the best

Or if you feel like you've given in

Oh, give yourself a chance

If you feel like crying

Oh please don't hold it in

If you feel like reaching out oh

Let me in//

His heart is aching when he hears her reason why she feels like she has to leave. That’s when he touches her. To pull her back from her head to something real. To remind her that nothing has changed. That he’s there, and not going to let her go that easily. That he loves her, because he needs her to hear it, so she knows for sure. And when she tears up, there’s only one desperate plea in his mind.

Gavin James - Hard to do

One heavy hitter after another, and this is another killer. The longing in Gavin’s voice clenches your chest and you just want to hide in somebody’s arms.

//Oh, I've been thinking that I don't wanna leave

This house isn't home to me

I'm tired of losing everyone I see

Now that you're here, it's a hard thing to do

Trying to hold on//

Does she really want to leave? She feels she has to, but god, if only she knew for sure her heart is safe, she would stay with him forever. The problem with life is - you can never be so sure. And when Neil shows up… it takes everything, even unreasonable anger, to keep her together.

//Maybe I don't believe that I don't wanna run

But two hearts are better than one

You say you'll stick around but I'll be gone

Oh, I'll be gone

It's a hard thing to do, trying to hold on//

Reader knows that it’s gonna be nearly impossible to walk away now. And she’s afraid.

//Oh, but I need you

Far more than I ever want you

It's such an unnatural thing we do

When falling in love's just so hard to do

Hard to do//

She can’t bring herself to look at him after she tells him what’s going on with her. But when Neil touches her and takes her hand, she can’t keep it inside anymore. Then he tells her that he loves her, and everything floods her at once. Fear. Guilt. Love. All that combined with his simple plea is enough to finally make her give in.

Damien Rice - I don’t want to change you

I had it on repeat since the moment Neil touched her. The softness of what happens there, melting the barriers once and for all.

//Wherever you are

You know that I adore you

No matter how far

Well, I can go before you

And if ever you need someone

Well, not that you need helping

But if ever you want someone

Know that I am willing//

He’s there for her. Always has been, always will be.

//Oh, and I don't want to change you

I don't want to change you

I don't want to change your mind//

Here. I think that’s what is really important about them and their relationship.

//I've never been with anyone

In the way I've been with you

But if love is not for fun

Then it's doomed

'Cause water races

Water races down the waterfalls//

Lucy Spraggan - Run

Ha, this kinda feels like an end-credits song, don’t you think?

//I just to run to the end of the world

Just to see if it's possible

I don't care what I've been told

I want to run to the end of the world

I'm going to run,run,run

Bye bye problems

Run 'til the road hits the sea

You better run,run,run

If you want to be free//

Granted, she didn’t run off without Neil, but found a way to run with him instead. There’s that heart-bursting light and freedom in this song, I think it captures that happiness they found, working it all out in the end.

//I wanna feel invincible

One more mile out of principle

I want to see the whole damn world

One cross road can change it all//

Travelling the world. Doing what they like most. Together.

------

Quite a journey that was.

Thank you all for taking it with me.

#long nights #long nights playlist #bts long nights