#though i probably don't describe it that way to anyone i expect to eat it 😂

[brayneworms]

prompt: l lawliet + food play + pink

wc. 2.8k. gn!reader, foodplay, virgin!l, handjobs, sliiiight come eating, reader is a wet cat in a cardboard box kinda, safe sane and consensual, no real power dynamics.

L contextualises things in the way he sees the world.

Strings of numbers, statistics, behavioural patterns that he's memorised to a 'T' until he can tell guilt from the aversion of an eye or fury from the remnants of nails pressed into the palm of someone's hand. It's why maybe something like sex or desire is a struggle for him. It's not that he doesn't understand it, it's more like he doesn't see the—the need for it, or whatever. You chalk it up to him being extremely busy and also probably totally asexual and don't think about it.

(Don't think about it much.)

It sort of surprises you that it's you he corners with his questions about. Maybe he's more embarrassed than he lets on—as it is, he looks cool as a cucumber save for the faintest shade of pink across his cheekbones. There's no way he would escape a conversation about it from anyone on the squad without a degree of ragging. Misa would squeal like a pig if L dared to broach the topic with her, you're sure. Matsuda would blush bright red and trip over all his words, and Aizawa would probably stare at him like he'd set his firstborn on fire.

And Light is Light. He probably knows little more than L, for all the airs he puts on.

So it's you he comes to. When it first starts, you think it has something to do with a case or lead he's hunting. Tell me, have you had sex before?

Perched like a frog, licking whipped cream off his finger. You don't know if he's doing to be provocative or not; don't know which is worse, that he's aware of what he's doing or not.

"This isn't exactly proper workplace conversation L."

A flicker of a smile. Cheeky, omniscient. "Feel free to report me to HR, in that case."

You do answer—honestly and concisely, if not with a shade of awkwardness. He's essentially your boss. But L seems so far removed from the worlds of sexuality and desire that it seems harmless, occupational, and eventually it stops feeling embarrassing. Out of nowhere—what is the purpose of restrains in an intimate context? Why do you think some people like to feel as though they have no control in the bedroom? Would you say that visual pornography has given watchers unrealistic expectations of actual intercourse?

One night, the two of you alone in front of a big glowing screen, turning to him and asking. "Why do you ask me this stuff, anyway? Is it for a case?"

"No," he says neutrally. A quick glance from his dark eyes you could almost describe as coy. "I'm just... curious."

"Curious," you echo, deadpan. "You?"

"Does that surprise you?" he murmurs. You almost feel that your honest answer—yes—would be insulting now, so instead you just shrug and mumble something incoherent under your breath. "You're not completely wrong. I thought having a better understanding of things like sex and power dynamics would be beneficial in the long run. Most people have a greater knowledge of it than me, which—puts me at a disadvantage." He says these last words with an air of revulsion, as though the very concept of knowing less than someone sours in his mouth, and you chuckle at his childishness.

"That makes sense." You pause. Wonder if you're reading this all wrong, then barrel ahead anyway. "Wouldn't actually experiencing it for yourself lend a better understanding than anything else, though?"

L's eyebrow raises. His smile has vanished, leaving him bug-eyed and unreadable. "What are you suggesting?"

He's not stupid, and you're not subtle. He knows exactly what you were suggesting. The fact that he's trying to get you to go into more detail rather than firing you on the spot is probably a good sign, and further than you expected to get. You squirm in your seat.

"You know. It's like being told about how something feels rather than knowing," you say awkwardly. "I'm just—can I ask—"

"It only seems fair," L says slowly. "After I've been badgering you with my own questions for so long." His chair spins; he rests his wrists on his rucked-up knees, fingers steepled in front of him. "Please."

Hot-faced, you spin your chair aimlessly. "Okay, well, uh—have you? I mean, before?"

L hesitates before he shakes his head, an almost imperceptible twitch that has his dark hair floating. You swallow the sudden large dry lump in your throat.

"Okay. So. Probably somewhere to start," you mumble.

L seems to consider this. "Would you be willing?"

You don't have the right to be surprised, with all the dancing around the subject, but you are, still. You choke on your spit and fly around to look at him, which is a mistake. His gaze is so dark and intense, and you think he can see right through you before you even open your mouth to answer.

"I'm not—" you stammer, with no idea what you're going to say. "I mean—"

"I had assumed you would be," L goes on calmly, but you catch the slight flicker of his eyes, a ghost of uncertainty that makes your chest squeeze. "If I have read your responses incorrectly, though, feel free to forget I asked. I can guarantee no awkwardness tomorrow."

"It's not that," you blurt. L blinks at you, go on. "It's just... do you have any idea what you're, you know. Into? Where to start?"

L's eyes flicker, the barest furrow knitted between his brows. You can tell he hasn't thought too hard about it. "What would you suggest?" he asks, curling his long fingers over his knees.

You swallow. "Well... anything you like the idea of, I guess. Something familiar, to ease you into it."

L's eyes roll over to his desk, where a perfectly glistening slice of strawberry cake waits for him. Pink sponge and halved red berries, topped with pale pink cream. "Familiar," he echoes. "I may have a suggestion."

-

So you feed L a strawberry just to get started.

Hold it up. It's distinctly awkward; L just stares at it for a moment, the berry dusted with frosting that glistens between your fingers. You tell him, "If you're not comfortable with this, sex is probably going to be—"

He leans forward and plucks the fruit from between your fingers; you feel the barest ghosting of teeth, the sweep of his tongue sharp and curious against the pads of your fingers before he leans back again. You watch the motions of his jaw and throat as he chews and swallows. Pins you with his headlamp stare, wide and dark.

You deconstruct the strawberry cake carefully, removing the berries and setting them to the side. Cast a look over at him. "Take off your shirt?"

L twists the hem of this shirt for a few moments before removing it. It feels so strange to see him devoid of clothing, like a knight removing their armour. Pale ribs, pinched waist. He's not whipcord-thin like you had imagined—there's lean muscle packed under the skin, his stomach flat and somewhat soft. It flexes almost nervously when you look at it. He reclines back on his bed without being told, bracing his weight onto his elbows, legs dangling off the side.

"You sure about all this?" you ask, glancing from the smooth planes of his white skin—shit—to the plate of crumbling pink dessert. "Didn't think you'd be into, you know. All the mess."

"I have a shower," L says reflexively.

You take that as permission to approach with the plate. You place the strawberry halves in a red dotted line, starting at his clavicle, watching him shiver and flex at the cold touch. Down—one at the bottom of his ribs, one above his bellybutton, one at his naval just above the low sling of his jeans. He's started to flush, prettily pink down his chest. It makes you slightly dizzy.

"Okay. So. Okay." You try not to feel so nervous, but it's more like you feel out of place, or time, or space. It feels surreal, basically. Standing between L's legs with your fingers stained pink from fruit and frosting. Him looking up at you like that, all big dark round eyes and slightly parted lips. Damn it. You take a deep, steadying breath. "Okay, so, I'll start now if you're okay. And just say if you don't want—if you want to stop, or if you don't like anything, just say, okay?"

"I understand the basic premises of consent, if that's what you're trying to affirm." The words are all L, but there's an element of breathlessness to them.

"Just making sure we're clear," you mutter. You lean forward and smooth a palm over his collarbones. They're sharp, they jut up to meet your hand like cut diamond, and you hear and see his breath hitch, which is slightly intoxicating. His skin is warmer and softer than you thought it would be. You run your hands over his shoulders and neck, which he squirms away from with a wrinkled nose.

"No neck?" you ask.

He shakes his head. So no neck.

Once you're done exploring this part of his body, you lean forward, close your lips around the strawberry and bite the end of it, sinking your teeth into the flesh. Pink juice runs down your chin; L's eyes follow it, transfixed, as you tilt your head forward and push your mouthful against his lips. They part unquestioningly, and you push the strawberry into his mouth with your tongue. Your lips brush together, tantalising and sweet with sugar. A mimic of a kiss, a palimpsest of intimacy. You don't want to overwhelm him, anyway.

This goes on; your hands over his chest next, the soft pectorals. An experimental brush of your thumb over his left nipple that makes his whole body shudder. He's so sensitive, reacting to every prod and touch and tweak with a jerk and a shiver. Gooseflesh blooms up his skin, pebbling his nipples, and when you tweak the other one gently he lets out a choked sound.

Finding the strawberry nestled under his ribs. Taking it between your teeth and passing it to him. His face gets pinker with each one. Stomach, concave, flexing with every hard breath. A ticklish spot over his belly button. Strawberry, bite, pass. The flex of his jaw as he chews.

Fingers over his waist, indenting the skin as much as you dare. You try not to think of how easily he would bruise. Brushing your touch over his lower abdomen makes his breath catch again. You find the strawberry, hold it between your lips. L cranes his neck, searching this time—he thinks he knows the game, has memorised the steps, found the pattern, the sequence. He doesn't know that the best sex is the unpredictable kind. This time, you press your lips against him and when your tongue pushes the strawberry into his mouth it stays there. His lips part, slack against yours, either in shock or inexperience. You allow yourself the briefest twirl of your tongue against his before pulling back with a wet pop.

L stares at you as you retreat. The strawberries leave pale pink residue on his skin. Pulling back fully reveals the hardness between his legs, pushing up against the dark denim of his jeans. He grunts when your eyes land on it, either out of embarrassment or frustration. You swallow and its like sandpaper.

"Still want me to...?"

"I have not changed my mind," he replies, slightly hoarsely and a beat slower than usual. You shrug, smooth your hands over the tent at his crotch, and he whines. It's the most searing noise you've pulled from him yet, and all from some halfhearted palming over the jeans. It sends a thrill zipping through you, hot and addicting. His arms shake with the weight of holding himself up, neck craning to follow as you sink to your knees between his legs.

You unzip him, pop the button, and he groans slightly at the freedom from the constraints of his clothes. He's fully hard, straining against his dark underwear. You experiment, rubbing at the tip, feeling for the wet spot, and he keens and thrashes, losing his stability and crashing to the mattress. He makes a frustrated noise just after, as though cursing himself for his own lack of control.

"That—" he swallows hard, breathes shakily. "That feels..."

Your hand hovers. "Am I stopping?"

"No, I don't..." He scrambles. L scrambles over his words. "Please, continue."

You stroke him over his underwear for a few concentrated minutes, mostly enjoying the way he twitches and huffs and occasionally makes soft, whiny noises, the way he starts to rut his hips against your hand. No technique, no rhythm, just some sort of baseless desire that you find incredibly hot. There's almost a frustration to it that makes you want to laugh—of course there would be nothing more agonising to someone like L than seeing what he wanted so close to him but being unable to accomplish it himself.

When he starts gritting his teeth, you pull his boxers down to his thighs and he makes a choking, embarrassed sound. When you wrap your fingers around his cock for the first time, finding it velvety-soft and leaking, his eyes roll back and his hips arch into the loose wet tunnel of your hand. "Oh," is all he says. Small and soft like he's surprised. His neck twists and his mouth presses into the starched white sheets. "Oh," he says again as your fist moves slowly, stroking with intent, up and down. He's not overly big, fits nicely in your hand, makes swiping over the head where the pre beads with your thumb nice and convenient. And you love the way he shudders and thrashes when you do it.

"How does that feel?" Your voice is lower than you remember it being. L cracks a bleary eye open; his face is flushed bright pink now, a flush that bleeds all the way down his chest, blending in with the strawberry stains.

"It feels," he starts, before his brow pinches. "I—I am not sure how to—how to describe..."

"It's okay," you tell him. His thighs shake, flexing against the edge of the mattress. When he tips his head back the cords in his pretty throat bulge, so biteable. "You can come whenever."

"I wasn't—oh," he gasps, squirming. "I wasn't aware I n-needed your—permission, oh."

"Yeah, well," you say intelligently, a little struck dumb by the sight before you. "Just making sure we're on the same page."

"A-and what page is that?" he pants, thrusting his hips messily into your hand. He's so fucking sensitive that you swear you can see his eyes growing shiny.

"The one where I help you out, so don't be a brat," you murmur. L laughs breathlessly, trying, you think, to summon some retort. You twist your fist around him and it died, half-formed in his brain, his eyes rolling back and fingers flexing hard in the sheets.

After another minute, he reaches out and grabs your wrist hard enough to bruise. He doesn't say it—can't, maybe. But you know. Your pace speeds up just a touch and he honest to god moans, spilling out of him soft and breathy before he comes, streaking over his stomach in pearly arcs. You watch him flinch at the contact, fingers slipping on your wrist. His chest flexes—in, out, in, out.

You collect a big scoop of pink frosting on your finger and dip it in the come starting to cool between his pecs before pressing it to his lips. L's brow wrinkles, startled—but he opens his lips and lets your fingers pass into the hot cavern of his mouth. Like a cat he licks your finger clean, pointed pink tongue prodding with no technique or flourish, just something steadfast, something stubborn.

You do him the dignity of tucking his softened cock back into his underwear and zipping up his jeans. Unsure how to proceed until L sits up rather abruptly. His hair is even more tousled from his tossing and turning as he reaches for a tissue to wipe himself down.

He looks at you. "I understand it's customary to offer some sort of equivalent exchange in these circumstances." A pause whilst he gathers his breath. "You'll have to forgive me. I'm not quite feeling up to the task."

His tone is normal, if a little shaky. You rock back on your heels. "Did you like it?"

L blinks at you. "My curiosity has been sated," he says, carefully. "Yes, I believe I did enjoy it."

Well, that's a relief if nothing else. The pink remnants of the strawberry cake it on the plate; the shade matches his blush.

#death note x reader #l lawliet x reader #l lawliet smut #death note smut #🫀.scribes #dom!reader #gn!reader

[prongslvl]

EVERYONE ADORES YOU (AT LEAST I DO) - remus lupin

PAIRING remus lupin x gn!reader

SUMMARY your change of attitude concerned remus, way more than he thought it would.

a/n: jus a lil something for @loving-and-dreaming ! i related to their blog a bit too much lmao so i wrote something quick and short. also an excuse to finally write something for remus!!

The first thing Remus noticed were your eyes. how it looked all dulled up and looked down most of the time, as if it was searching for something to lay its gaze upon without offending anyone. Your fingers fiddled with the hem of your uniform or the wooden wand you owned before going back to your lap, where it rested.

He wasn't used to your silence as well; he expected your usual cheery tone despite having to wake up at the crack of dawn (as much as he hated anything too energetic in the morning, your presence never seemed to bother him—Godric, it might've even helped Remus live through the dreadful hours.) but you remained still, cooped up in one corner by yourself when everyone's together in groups, as if someone casted an 'immobulus' on you. If it weren't for your occasional head turn and answering whenever a teacher calls for you, he would've brought out his wand in a heartbeat.

Remus doesn't think both of you are friends; at least he thinks so. You were friendly with everyone, even with the foul Snivellus, who always rudely pushed you away (he swore if he saw you getting pushed by him again, he'd make him eat slugs for the whole school year), but not even Snivellus can put you down; you've proven this many times.

But today, even the greasy mole rat seemed concerned with the lack of 'annoyance', as Severus verbally described it, from you. The only relationship he could probably describe between you two was that of acquaintance. He doesn't feel intimidated or pressured to ask you for something, and neither did you towards him. This caused a few more encounters between the two of you, with Remus seeing much more of what your sweet heart could offer.

There were times you'd unconsciously help him through his werewolf problem. Your face was the first thing he usually saw after getting treated by Madame Pomfrey in the hospital wing. It wasn't hard to think of a lie because of how quickly you believed him.

("You don't have to explain anything to me, lovely. What matters is that you're hurt—well, not so much with the help of Madame Pomfrey." You gave him a kind smile, such an expression that made him, for the first time, feel guilty for lying. In his head, if he ever told you about his problem or even caught him in the act, you wouldn't see him any differently.

And your nicknames—such loving nicknames he wasn't used to—Remus would be lying if he said he didn't feel uncomfortable at first, but he didn't blame you in the slightest. It was only a matter of time before he became desensitized to the names you'd given, unconsciously looking forward to them whenever you used his last name, Lupin, instead. It only happened once, though, and Remus made it clear to you that he became fond of them.

He held a piece of paper with a familiar name written on it. Hogwarts' current potion Professor usually assigns students during on-hand activities, and today, you were partnered with him. Remus greets you, "Hello, fancy seeing you here," making you chuckle, "nice to see you too, Lupin." It caught him off guard a bit, his mind immediately racking for any sort of mistake he must've made to be called just 'Lupin'. 

"No nicknames today?" His mouth moved on its own as he poured ingredients right after them. It was your turn to get caught off guard, freezing in your spot as you stared at him. He suddenly felt the need to explain himself after your silence. "Did I do something wrong? I was starting to get used to 'lovely," he said. On the back of his head, a voice begged for Remus to put his head inside the boiling cauldron to show how shameless he was.

You smiled at him and said, "It slips sometimes. Plus, I just wanted to try and say it because I'd never learned your name until I read my paper. My apologies, lovely.")

You were one of the rare people inside Hogwarts that Remus could tolerate without having to get to know you deeply, unlike Sirius or James, who had to do more than just approach him to finally have a decent conversation with him. You were naturally approachable, as were probably many others, hence the quick relationship you both created.

But today, you haven't even spared him a glance. It was weird, even for Remus, who's probably the perfect definition of the word, to see someone like yourself suddenly change overnight. It was obvious it wasn't just him that noticed; Sirius had to ask him if he knew anything about it, and it slightly pained him to say no. Remus wanted to know why and comfort you in any way he was capable of doing so. His eyes followed your every move (which wasn't really hard with how little you moved around than you normally do) but saw nothing that gave even the smallest clue as to what happened to you.

He tried to approach you himself; it wasn't the first time he'd done it, so seeing the way you purposely avoided him by walking towards the staircase to your dormitory hurt him. He wouldn't be able to follow after you even if he wanted, watching as you whispered the password to your common room. Even the painting that guarded the tower noticed your change of tone.

"That's it. I'm going to look for them," Remus declared to his friends, glaring towards the blank parchment paper that was supposed to contain the homework he needed to pass tomorrow. He placed his things under his bed, grabbing his coat before departing from his dorm.

He could hear several footsteps behind him, yelling his name. "Moony! Wait up! Where are you going?! Remus!" James managed to grab a hold of his shoulder; his strength was enough to make him pause on his steps. Remus gritted his teeth, his jaw tightening with how frustrated he felt. The bespectacled boy could only sigh, reading his friend like a book.

"You don't have to look for (Y/n), Moony." The mere mention of your name reminded him of what you looked like in the morning during class, making him even more eager to leave. "They're probably just having problems, you know, like any other person?"

"That's the thing, prongs. I want to help them. It's unusual, the way they're acting. I can't just stand by when I know for sure something or someone's bothering (Y/n)." The boys can see how much you meant to Remus; he didn't even notice how desperate he sounded and felt. "I won't do anything that'll get us hurt."

"Ah, yes, just like the many times you told us." It was Sirius who replied, a knowing smirk on his face. "The last time you told us that, we had to carry you to the hospital wing."

"Please, just—I have to find them. You can always look for me on the map."

The frustration etched on their friend's face was enough for them to pity him. James glanced at Sirius, who only shrugged.

Remus felt the other's hand leave his shoulder. "Promise us you'll fix it and not get hurt." James smiled at the boy, giving him the folded marauders' map. You won't be able to find them without it; you'll be looking forever," Sirius added before leaving to go back to their room. The two laughed at their friend, shaking their heads. He clenched the map in his hands, going unnoticed by James, who simply patted Remus' back.

"Say hi to (Y/n) for us," he said as he followed the long-haired boy, leaving him in the common room.

Remus wasted no time leaving, opening the map. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he mumbled under his breath, tapping the paper. It revealed a bunch of unfamiliar and familiar names to Remus, but his attention was solely on looking for your name, scanning every nook and cranny of the school. You weren't inside your dorm or the astronomy tower, where most students go to hang out at night. He checked any of the professors' offices and the classrooms, but to no avail. It was like you were a ghost, but not even ghosts inside Hogwarts were spared from their map.

It was only then that he began his search outside the school premises when he finally found you. Remus saw your name and footsteps by the whopping willow, overlapped and still. He guessed you were sitting or standing near it. Seeing you outside at night, by the sacred tree of all places, was the last thing he thought you'd be. Remus didn't think twice about following you, not caring about the thought of Filch catching him.

Once Remus saw your robe flying with the harsh winds the tree kept producing, he slowly walked from behind you as your eyes remained high up on the branches.

"(Y/n)?" His voice startled you, turning your head to face him. Remus could tell you probably thought you were some prefect or filch, seeing the way your hands trembled. The hill you were both on was dark, barely illuminating each other's faces, but it was enough for the boy to see how confused you are.

"Lupin, what are you doing here?"

Remus decided to ignore the hurt he felt in his chest, knowing you were his top priority right now. "I wanted to know what was wrong," he confessed, walking further towards where you stood. Remus could see the way you avoided eye contact once again, looking down on your dirtied shoes with an expression he couldn't see or decipher. He took your silence as an excuse to continue.

"I know we barely know each other; if it weren't for your cheery personality, we'd only know each other as Lupin and (l/n), but we aren't. You easily slid into my life way before I realized it, and the fact that I managed to find you tonight proves that—"

He was cut off by your quiet sniffing. His eyes trailed the same hands that tended to his wounds that Madame Pomfrey had treated in the past as they rubbed the tears on your face. Remus had little to no experience comforting himself, let alone other people. but the instinct to pull you close with his arms took over him. You gasped at his actions, but you accepted his attempt at a hug, burying your face in his chest.

It took a bit of time before you finally calmed down, sitting on the ground next to Remus, who was just as dazed as you were. The whomping willow continues to make small tornadoes, with the occasional leaves and branches hitting your bodies. Remus' eyes trailed from the sky to you, watching as the robe you wore protected you from the winter of the night. He didn't expect you to talk, but you did.

"I'm sorry for being weird today." Your voice has gone hoarse as a result of your loud sobbing. It was Remus turn to listen quietly, his eyes expectantly staring at you as he waited for you to continue.

"I had a bit of a wake-up call yesterday. I've been told the way I acted was too much; it got too overbearing to handle. The last thing I wanted to be was a burden to everyone."

"But you're not," Remus responds with absolute urgency. "Whatever wake-up call it was, they're wrong."

Your glossy eyes remained on the boy, who reassuringly stared back, a small smile on his face. "If I'm being honest, your presence lessened some of my burdens—the awful mornings, my time in the hospital wing—just everything you're involved in, it gets better." He didn't know what came over him to suddenly hold your hand, giving it a squeeze to relieve your mind of whatever negative things this 'wake-up call' had given you.

"You're wonderful, (Y/n). I promise you."

 

#marauders #marauders fanfiction #marauders imagine #remus lupin #remus x reader #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin fanfiction #marauders x reader #remus fluff

[ryuichirou]

Replies

More replies! Related to our posts from yesterday + a couple of JadeSil ones from a while ago.

Anonymous asked:

I guess Sebek will be annoyed on waking up in the morning with Silver only to realized animals are around.

lol yeah, imagine falling asleep with Silver and waking up to that one scene from Bambi where all the animals greet the new prince. Things Sebek has to get used to….

hipsterteller asked:

Welp at least they didn’t find a skeleton

You mean… under the birdies?! Spooky..!

Anonymous asked:

Poor Jamil can't catch a break even at clubs.. (he secretly loves it, don't tell anyone lol he's shy)

- basketball poly asker

(this is related to a reply from yesterday)

Yeeeah, it’s probably better for Jamil when he gets pestered by these boys: this way he gets to have some action but also don’t proactively seek it out lol But of course the thought itself would never occur to Jamil! It’s all his subconscious mind.

Anonymous asked:

Hehe...imagine Azul seeing Jamil and Ace together. Another jealously alert. Even better, Jamil, Ace, and Floyd together.

Azul would get jealous with anyone who gets close to Jamil probably lol So with Ace it would be the same scenario as it is with Ruggie: he’s confused about Jamil’s choice and tries to win him over.

And with Floyd, well, Azul would just have to shut up and be patient and hope that Floyd gets bored of Jamil… because if he tells Floyd to stop, Floyd is just going to cling to Jamil even more :(

Anonymous asked:

Hi! I’m that JadeSil shipper from that one ask, is it okay if you can give some hcs on how would Silver’s first time would go if it was with Jade?

+

Anonymous asked:

I have Jade/Sil brainrot after seeing some other people talk about it…(and totally not because I am dirty minded)

What if one day Silver was eating Mushroom Risotto but it had a “special” mushroom (courtesy of Jade)  which had an aphrodisiac-like effect. Silver eventually asks Jade for help on why he feels so weird…and you can imagine how the rest goes

Sorry it took me so long to reply, Anon! Or are you two different Anons..? In any case, I’m sorry for taking so much time and for not giving a satisfying answer: since these two aren’t a ship we’re very invested in, even though we like it in theory, I won’t come up with any headcanons, but I’ll share my thoughts…. Because when I started to think about their first time, the setup I came up with was pretty much the same as what was mentioned in this second ask lol

Since the main theme/motif of their relationship that I always think about is mushrooms, I think the whole thing will start with Jade’s fascination with Silver’s appetite for mushrooms and his appreciation of them. And for a very long time, he would simply feed him without adding anything suspicious to it, but then he’ll notice just how good Silver is at describing the differences between different kinds of mushrooms Jade uses for the risotto. So of course he’s going to be tempted to feed him a “special mushroom”…

Poor Silver would be so conflicted. He never expected to get poisoned, and Jade seems deeply concerned as well… but is he really?  And would Jade really make such a mistake?

So yeah, long story short, Silver’s instinct would probably be to try to get back to his room and hide there until he gets better, but the poison is too strong, and with all his actions and words being just a big blur, he’ll end up having sex with Jade.

Jade is going to be surprised y Silver though, because while he knows that a lot of what’s going on is due to aphrodisiac (that was the whole idea), some of the things just seemed way too “natural”: Silver’s body is clearly used to having intense and lengthy sex, his movements are very intentional and he even has some noticeable preferences. Silver wouldn’t say a word during their first time (he just couldn’t articulate – he was too aroused), but his body language spoke volumes. Jade would probably be quite intrigued by him…

(whoops I guess I wrote it in a way that it isn't Silver's first time, I just noticed that...sorry!!)

#replies #jadesil

[perktarts]

(ask game if you want it!)

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers.

Hmm, 5 things that make me happy, eh?

In no particular order

1. Playing with my friends. I like working together to achieve a common goal. Play toys with me.

2. I've been really into romance doujins lately. I don't have a partner but... Well, this is tumblr. We all know the appeal of some good yuri.

3. I like um, I don't really know how to describe it, outside? I like learning about animals and plants and ecology and I like reinforcing my traditional beliefs. Er, I don't mean like the new way of traditional beliefs, I mean my indigenous culture. I'm also a pretty good huntress.

4. I'm listing this separately because I got dragged for it recently and I'm deciding to double down. I like fish and the sea. I've never really been at sea, like as a labour, so take this with a grain of salt, but I really want to dive in a submarine and go deep into the abyssal zone or even the hadal zone. Even if I got killed down there I think it would be cool. Though maybe with a little more dignity than those oceangate guys.

5. Splatoon. Splatoon has had a colossal impact on my life, used to eat breath drink it. It made me feel strong, capable, and pretty. Though if anyone has been following me for a while, they'd know I'm splatoon's biggest hater. That's because I've put, easily, 7500 hours into this game That's 5000~ hours in splatoon 1, 2000~ in splatoon 2. And around 500 hours in splatoon 3. (probably less for 3 but def at least those other values for the other 2.) and I've been with it since day Zer0. I was streaming the direct it was announced on and swore I'd buy it then. I'm a team cat queen! I remember the outrage from beating those filthy dogs to a pulp and still losing (though that's because nobody was informed how to win) I'm sure that there are people that have put in more time in than me, some might even be mutual's or followers, but I've got a certain expectation for splatoon. Which it hasn't been able to meet in a long time

...

Oh gourd, it's a good thing I caught myself! I was about to write an essay. What's this post about again? Right. Splatoon makes me happy, I swear.

Hi, Neo! Thanks for the ask <3 ! Your sandwich is in the mail.

#oh yeah this part #umm #asks #rasterized #um i don't want to tag this as what I talked about as it's not really relevant to those tags #ask game #though I double downed on staying in the closet by the end of splatoon 1. doesn't mean it didn't have an impact.

[135-film]

i want to talk about stupid stuff in my furry world even though i don't really think anyone's listening :)

this is really long so i'm sorry if you open it and realize you don't care lol...

EVOLUTION.

basically, evolution works the exact same way in my furry universe(s) as it does in real life. animal species come and go and most extinction events happened pretty much at the exact moments.

i haven't thought too much about how/when their bodies formed - and i don't care that much because it's really, really not that important to anything - but i imagine it's around the same time animals started walking on land but rapidly evolving a bipedal (and modern humanoid) body instead.

HYBRIDIZATION.

i don't really like the term "hybridization" / "hybrid" for human analogous species, because of a lot of real world implications that could mean, but i'm a little at a loss for what else i should call them.

either way, the way (furry) species works is probably more simple in reality than it is in my head but essentially the viability of offspring depends on the parents family (classification), genus, and species. the further away it is from the species, the harder it is to reproduce BUT if they're in the same family, they can still produce offspring together.

for example: a tiger can breed with another tiger and will have a high success rate of offspring. or the tiger can move on to a lion, and will have a harder time at producing but will still produce offspring with some difficulty. OR the tiger can breed with a house cat and both can struggle at producing offspring - but it's not impossible. however, trying to have babies with a moose or a bear is genetically impossible and will never produce offspring.

subspecies and breeds do technically exist, but in-universe they do not have "names" for these really. and if they did, they wouldn't have any reason to talk about it.

FERAL ANIMALS.

i haven't actually settled on whether or not i want feral animals in my world, because i like the idea of my OCs having pets but the thought of "how" those animals exist and everything doesn't make sense to me.

my solution was initially going to be pet-sized insects, but unfortunately i also have anthro insects as well. so right now, none of my furries have pets or animals in their world.

CARNIVORE FOOD.

this one's particularly tricky for me, just kind of because i hadn't thought too much about it. so because of that, i'm going to say this as more of a hypothetical rather than a definitive.

i think it's primarily down to culture in what carnivores eat; in some places, it might be considered taboo to eat actual meat, but in other places it might be considered bad to eat meat substitutes.

in my head, my main story is in a culture where it's mixed - meat and meat substitutes are both okay to eat, and it just depends on the individual.

i imagine meat farms as relatively humane, though i can't currently think of a way to describe the process of humane meat farming (especially in a way that doesn't make me sound insane).

OTHER SOURCES OF FOOD.

i know some people get weirded out by this, but things like dairy (milk, eggs, cream), honey, and even non-food things like wool and the like are still definitely around and are actively farmed.

BIGOTRY.

there is no species/breed (whatever) related bigotry within my world whatsoever. primarily because i'm a little white boy from the US, so i don't think it's my place to really talk about and try to formulate a story around.

i bring this point up primarily because i think people kind of... expect furry stories that are in-depth to have this sort of thing - but i personally think it's best for me to avoid trying to do.

other forms of bigotry, specifically the ones i face/faced (homophobia, transphobia, etc.), DO exist in my world but it's small scale and also not particularly important to my stories outside of backstories, character development, and situational interactions.

ANATOMY.

all of my furry anatomy might change in the future but everything i say here applies to the way i draw them currently.

all furries have, generally, normal human proportions. there are some difference between groups of species, but majority are within the same proportions.

most furries have digitigrade legs (i know unguligrade is different, but for the sake of simplicity i'm going to call it digitigrade), though there are a few (though rare) exceptions that do not.

right now, birds have feather attachments to all their fingers except the thumb, and this goes down their entire arm (similar to a bunch of different dinosaurs). this reduces their range of motion on their wrists in-universe, but not so much that it's nearly impossible for them to do most normal activities.

i was thinking of changing them to have no wings, as i haven't been able to figure out how clothing works or things like that - but i'm bird autistic and really like drawing wings, so...stumped there! (i'm against back wings in most of my furry universes and dislike wings as hands.)

antlers and horns are considered ornamental and may be removed (typically a doctor or some sort of specialist would do this) if the person sees fit. velvet-shed antlers are still a "gorey" mess, and people who are going through that may request to stay home (though this is also dependent on the individual as well as the conditions around the individual - like if they work or something).

as mentioned previously, "hybrids" (actual name pending) do exist! their anatomy may be different than what they describe themselves as. example: my character dallas is a zebu cow mixed with african water buffalo (though this is not from his direct parents), but he still prefers to call himself a cow rather than a buffalo.

FASHION.

clothes are typically the same as they are for human, though some may be modified to accommodate for different species. it is also considerably less taboo to go nude, but most still prefer to wear clothes.

despite what a lot of people think, tailors still aren't as terribly common in this world - and, honestly, i think a lot of furries would know a lot about taking care of modifying/fixing themselves as well (though full making clothes, i don't know).

shoes are seen as more fashion than function, but steel-toed boots and such are definitely still around. horse shoes also fit into this category.

an extremely common type of fashion, just like our world, is body modification. ear cropping, tail docking, declawing, feather plucking, and so on are pretty common. (i don't think i need to say this - but i'm not an advocate for those things, please don't do these to animals unless absolutely necessary like in sheep and stuff.) there's even more than what i just listed.

tattoos are also common, though the word "tatoo" in this case has three different meanings - branding (typically freeze branding), general scarification, or needle tattooing.

freeze branding and scarification are basically the same thing as they are in real life and are the more painful of the processes, while needle tattooing is more tedious.

needle tattooing is shaving down the fur to get to the skin (full bald, not even little hairs are allowed in the area), and then tattooed as one would in our world but with special inks and dyes that show in the fur pattern and not just on the skin. while this sounds like the easiest process, it is highly repetitive and prone to failure if not up-kept and consistently tattooed for once a week for a month.

fur clipping (like real world camels and horses and dogs, not like humans) is also a popular fashion choice.

fur dyes are another popular choice, but are not recommended for full body use. this does not really stop people.

BODY LANGUAGE.

there is a lot of body language that i COULD cover, but most of it boils down to real world body language in animals just translated on humans.

but there's a lot of different readable tail languages as well - most people are generally aware of what their tail is doing during conversations or on public transport, things like that.

#dook dook #sneezes #<- FIRST TIME IVE EVER USED THAT TAG! #also if anyone reads this. i love you #if anyone has questions. ill suck you #worldbuilding #furgonomics #anthrogrounding #furry worldbuilding #whatever #furry #anthro #WHATEVER! #when i talk about this im mostly talking about my upcoming project (that i havent talked about here .) #i have been thinking about this world since like. 2019. #eye twitch

[funkymbtifiction]

Hello! I'm 25 at the moment and I'm at the brink of giving up on finding my enneagram. For the last 5 years I read every book about enneagram I could find, I observed myself endlessly but still nothing.

Types I'm considering are 9,1,2 and 6.

First, 9. My goal is to feel cozy and comfortable all the time and I give in to pleasures without feeling guilty. <- strong sp

What you describe as 9 actually isn't 9 at all. It's the social instinct and procrastination (anyone can do it) and general positivity (probably your 2 wing).

Yet, I have way stronger opinions and attitudes than any 9 I know. I have a moral opinion on EVERYTHING. There's non of that "its okay" with me. Recently someone said that it's none of your business to help someone who's struggling with self harming and it pissed me off. Like, of course you should help, its your duty to help. That seems like 1 to me. I'm also highly perfectionistic, I have exact image how I want my life to be like and who I want in it and I just discard anyone who doesn't fit in that image. The person I'm going to marry has to be perfect by my standards. Even though I'm 25 I have never been with anyone because nobody ever lived up to my expectations and its not right to jump into relationships.

This sounds core 1w2. Perfectionism, frustration, and rejection. 9w1s side-eye things they disagree with and go along with it; 1s put down their foot and moralize about it.

Everything I do has to be perfect of I won't do it. I started to learn crochet recently and it took me 2 months to make a simple blanket for my cat because it needed to be perfect. And you can apply that to any area of my life

The core pain of being a 1 -- rigid with yourself and self-sabotaging because it has to be "just right."

But, like I said before I give in to pleasures like eating, sleeping and buying things that make me happy without any remorse or guilt. I suffer a lot from guilt for bad things I did in my life like lying and manipulation (I did a lot if that when I was younger) but not for making myself happy.

2s don't feel guilty for their well-deserved luxuries; if others will not pamper and indulge them, they will do it themselves -- they have earned it!

2 I see in my need to help others but also in anger when they don't express gratitude for what I have done. I work as a student and my boss needed someone for next shift and I immediately offered to stay whole day at work (its a hard job but I would do it just to please her). She said students can only work 6 hours a day so I could not stay but then I did everything I could to find someone. I called everyone I know and I did find someone. When I was leaving my boss didn't even say thank you and I was angry for it. Is that 2? I did this for you and you should express love to me for it.

This is 2ish, yes. But could also be a 1w2 thing, because this is the right and responsible thing to do and people aren't appreciating it. Think about what motivated it.

I don't do much meddling because I'm super introverted but I do nudge people in "right direction" because I always have an opinion on what should they do.

The RIGHT DIRECTION is very obvious to 1w2s...

Also, I constantly do things I don't want to do just because I think I should. Even though I find cats very annoying (I love cats but they are bothersome) I still saved 2 of them and take care of them the best I can, I gave my entire savings to my mother when she needed money etc.

How dare you find feline overlords bothersome. :P But yes, this is virtue whether you feel like it or not -- fits 1w2.

But I'm also very emotionally distant and rational for a 2.

That's cuz you're a 1. 1w2s are less emotional than core 2s.

2s always berate me for not reaching out. I will literally disappear for days, just reading books at home without any need to interact with others. And if someone has a problem my reaction is always to give them rational advice on how to solve a problem rather than give emotional comfort, 2s do opposite right?

sp/so, introversion, and 1w2. Might also be ITJ.

6 I see the least but Im highly anxious, always thinking about what could go wrong and what will I do if that happens. I need support system badly and others to tell me what is correct thing to do.

Probably a 6 fix.

I don't think so/sp is right, but I'm not super great with instincts yet. You seem more self-contained and distant.

#question #enneagram #enneagram 1

[itsevanffs]

Fic Writer Wrapped - 2022

I got tagged by duplicity, metalomagnetic and possibly a few others (I'm really shit at remembering, apologies) so thanks for that here is my contribution, um, almost 2 weeks late.

How many stories did you complete?

Same as last year. No stories really completed, just oneshots posted, of which there were 5 this year.

What is your total word count for the year?

I actually update my spreadsheet about once every two months(?) so I can tell you pretty much the exact number, give me a minute:

139797 words. So. 140k. Of which you have seen... possibly 30k?

It's actually more than my usual just 100k average, which I wasn't expecting? I was actually expecting less. Probably because I haven't been super satisfied with my writing; but I think the weekly livewrites in my server definitely added to that count, so I'll be keeping those going.

What fandoms did you write in this year?

Just the one, I think. Harry Potter by Hatsune Miku. If I wrote anything else (outside original things) I definitely didn't post it.

Did you write more, less, or roughly about what you expected?

I don't set expectations for myself, really? I don't have a set goal for words, because my writing is vibes-based. (It's why it's so good /lh). Considering I almost wrote 1.5 times my usual, though, I knocked it out of the park with this year.

What's your favourite story of this year?

Definitely At the expense of the world. I love writing gritty, horrible stuff in a refreshing way, kind of like eating raw cockles and getting a bit of shell between your teeth, yknow? It's incredible, and the taste is still super fresh. I dunno how to describe it, but there's a reason I pumped out, what, fifteen thousand words in 2 weeks? That's a lot, especially for me.

What is your most underappreciated story of the year?

I'll confess I don't look at the stats much, not for any particular reason, but I just forget. As it stands with vibes, however, probably, hmm... Well, I didn't really start anything that could be considered 'underappreciated', because I think if it reaches the people it's meant to I'm happy. I think if one person (even if that were just me) takes joy and meaning in my work it's about as appreciated as it could be. One piece I'm especially proud of (even though it is pretty much a remix of the work I listed as inspiration) is Rot, on which the author of the original work complimented my prose :D I was very flattered.

Biggest fanfic-related disappointment of 2022?

Good question. I think it's that I've kind of lost interest in ITD, even though I still hold love for it. It's just become very hard to work on. I'm hoping I'll somehow manage to wrestle my way through it, but as it stands I think I'm gonna have to rework a lot of chapters. We'll see.

Biggest fanfic-related surprise of 2022?

Becoming friends with toast and metalo, two writers who I deeply admire :D I'll be dead honest, it was quite a shock. But I'm super happy and grateful to both of them for being awesome people <3

Something you look forward to working on in 2023?

I really want to push Expense through its first arc this year and finish Anabiosis. I've been getting a lot of encouragement for both, so who knows? Maybe I'll manage it. It'd be nice to definitely finish Anabiosis' main story, because that'll be the first 20k+ fic I'll have ever finished. Like, the first non-one shot. (Even though it was supposed to be a one shot, once upon a time.) I think it'd give me a lot of confidence in my ability to actually finish things.

I don't know of anyone to tag, but if anyone feels inclined, feel free to use me as your excuse to do one too.

#fic writer wrapped #tag game

[confusedkittensposts]

I also did not like the end of Supernatural because I did not think the end of Castiel's story was at all satisfying. I fully expected them to rescue him from the Empty. It did not even occur to me that they wouldn't. I disagreed with Misha that Cas's goodbye was noble or selfless. I thought it reduced him to a shell of a character who attributed all his goodness, all his bravery, all his growth, his entire personality and personhood to.. Dean. And that irked me (to coin a phrase.) Dean, imo, did not deserve that epic farewell speech. I did not recognise the man Cas described, the "most loving man" who "changed him" and made him "care about the whole world". I always thought Cas had more agency than that. Yes, he changed and evolved. But it wasn't (imo) because he met Dean. Dean might've been a catalyst (I'll allow that) but imo Cas changed and grew because of his own nature and his own rebellion and from learning from his own mistakes. And, tbh, I wanted DEAN to tell him that. (I STILL want Dean to tell him that. If there is a revival I want Dean to talk to Cas about that speech, thank him for it, sure, but also make Cas aware that it is NOT true. Cas grew into a loving almost human being because he IS a loving almost human being and probably always has been. I wanted him to give himself some credit for his journey. Not believe that it was all because he loved Dean. Cas, to me, was a character whose journey was more than his relationship with Dean. Much more. I LOVED his relationship with Jack, for instance. It annoyed me that he stated that he cared about Jack because Dean cared. That was bizarre and insulting, imo. That was. not. it.

Anyway. I could rant about this forever. If they do more SPN, I will watch it if Castiel is in it (and by that I mean every episode, main character. Not a cameo or a subplot.) I won't watch it if he isn't in it. And I will be pissed if he is not given the kind of story he deserves. Perhaps a post-death revelation that his existence had/has meaning beyond Dean Winchester. (I have less than zero faith in this happening.)

Imo, neither Dean nor Sam really evolved much as people the entire series. They didn't change or grow. They just got older. In the end Dean was still gung-ho kill-things eat-pie and Sam still wanted out. Castiel though? He EVOLVED. He was right about one thing in that goodbye speech. He changed. He grew. And I LOVED that. Narratively I found that beautiful. That in the end they had him (apparently sincerely) attribute all that personal growth to DEAN? (Who mostly, sorry Destiel stans, treated him like shit.) Pissed me off. And then him throwing himself under the bus/into the Empty to save Dean? Pissed me off. And then for Dean and Sam to not even bother to try and get him back? (Like Cas actually meant anything to them.) Made me legit angrier than I have ever been watching a tv show.

Hello hello

I don't think anyone but Jared Padalecki likes the supernatural finale (this is a joke, don't come at me)

I belive Castiel was in love with Dean and I like the fact that he got to confess his love, but just like you, I hate the way it was done.

But fit in place SPN pushed Cas in the larger narrative. He was not allowed to have anything outside the winchesters, Every one of his choices and decisions taken without the brothers was shown to be wrong, all his realationships were taken away, anyone sympathetic towards him was killed. The show allowed him to be right only in scarifysing himself for the Winchesters and the fact that a sacrifice was how his story ended in not a surprise

Also something people forget and should consider is Cas has a very abusive background, he spent a very long time being manipulated and forced represse (Even wincheters did nkot like him expresising emotions that weren't anger or loyalty o their behalf), his contact with other humans has been limited, I don't think has never seen healthy people of relationships. So him having some distorted view of his relationships and people around him isn't far fetched. I honestly have many many feelings about the scene based on context

For Misha that scene means a lot, and him seeing the confession scene as selfless and noble, to me, make sense as the person he is.

I will say though, Cas did not grow into an almost human being, he was an angel and he loved humans and humanity from the beginning; and he was still an angel just one free to love without the threat of Heaven taking them from him.

As for Wincheters not rescuing him, that never actually have done that, have they? This is one of the SPN's show and tell tricks, We are told the wincheters are hurt by Castiel's death and that they like him back, but we never actually see them making any concious effort for it. They don't look for loopholes, they don't make deals with entities that can really something, just send a prayer to a God they know will do nothing. Hell in season 10, They didn't try to save Cas when he was dying of borrowed grace, do you really think they would have spared efforts when he was dead?

While Dean telling Cas he should give the credit to himself sounds swwet, it will never happen on screen. Accpet it or not, That show is made by cowards and if Jackles is incharge of any revival, I think he has made his priotrities an prefernces very clear.

The problem with Supernatural is that they wanted flawed heros but did not want to accpet the fact their heros have flaws. All the problemativ aspects of slamondean are not seen as problmes and hence there is no way of change, which led to them doing the same song and dance for years.

And you are right,Cas had the best character growth in the show, like he from being this warrior with a hardned shell that was a fish out of water to a fan who has a smile only for his kids and then show took those relationships and gave them to Dean (and Sam)

I don't have hopes for a revival that will do Cas justice but I am always up on shot in Misha's backyard where he does mundane things wearing a trenchcoat and there are Cameos from Mark S, Alcal, Ruth, Rich, Seb, even Danneel

J2s contribution can be increasingly passive agressive voicemails and prayers at the start of every episode that let you know, salmondean broke the world and are trying to contact him

#anon ask #i kinda write a buch of anwers cause I was having too many thoughts and erased a lot #so this went places

[sai-gemflower]

Hi! Player here I have many characters so why don't I list some of them off before I continue on reposting or even posting. I do play with homebrew content and I play 5e. Also If someone could tell me how to make it so there is a certain point it cuts off and there is a read more button that would be really nice its a long wall of text so I'm putting a seperator in for anyone scrolling

Sai- the character I call my first character. High elf ranger 31 years old although because of the way she acts and thinks she should probably be at least 100 but I didn't know how the aging worked yet. She is a ranger/rouge entertainer. She is a beast master and her companion is a black panther named luna. She currently has a hellhound puppy named Char. She has a friend stormy who is a pitch black Pegasus.

Tana- druid tiefling. She is particular about what she eats and where it comes from when she eats meat or any product from animals she always has to know the source before hand and know that they are raised properly even though they are being raised for food or for their products. For example milk eggs etc.

Rowan- she is very much homebrew probably my first homebrew character. Her race is Half human half phantom, her class is Kitsune and her background is hunter. She currently has 6 tails all pure white along with her fox ears. She has a scar on her right shoulder and her phantom has a matching one. She has a pet fox named lily. She also has firefox although it is hard to describe what firefox is.

Nix- Changeling rouge, charlatan. She is a very famous assassin although only in one of her forms. A friend of hers found a changling child in an orphanage and wanted her to come talk to them. Of course nix went to talk with the child and after talking for a while promptly adopted them.

Julius: changeling rouge, no background. Five years old at least when they were adopted they were. They are training with their mom to become an assassin like her. Of course Nix isn't the happiest about it but Julius doesnt know that. Julius goes by they/them and was originally an npc. I don't think my DM (my mom) expected me/nix to adopt them. I do occasionally get their pronouns wrong even though they are now my character I am still getting used to those pronouns.

Quaf: aaracokra monk not much to say on her even though she is level 5 there isn't really much of note at least for me

Mulan: my actual first character a human fighter who I didnt have much fun playing and had her killed off to play Sai. Later on I felt bad and had her resurrected again not much of not to me for her.

Lilith of doubt: she is an absolute mess. She was part of a campaign that went by milestones. Disclaimer, I did not and still do not really know how to multiclass I went with classes that fit what she was going through that being said she is level 20 barbarian level 6 warlock level 4 bard and level 4 druid. She was tiefling although the way the dm described it when she found her family since she was born with her horns he may have just made her be a snow elf but he never told me to changer her sheet. She was true polymorphed into a ancheint blacksteal dragon and has reached godhood. She lives in her castle in avernus although since I left that campaign I'm not sure what the DM has done with her. For me she is still at the point I was last in control of her which is what I have told you all about. Oh and she is an outlander.

Rya: class knight of the Fey. Race fey mice. She is a wanderer. Her patron is Sai.

Ea: warlock tiefling assisted the king and his mom to their kingdom and hasnt gotten played to much since

Pumpkin: tiefling cleric saved Rowan from a necromancer that raised her the wrong way making her become half human half phantom and has been adventuring ever since

Ivory: 17 year old fallen human (its a homebrew race inspired by undertale) aura guardian (homebrew class I forget if its based on anything or I just liked it) lawful good surviver, she loves painting and doing art in general and had to run from her home because of a war, she is worried about her parents but for now she has found a family not only with the main ground but with a married couple who she views as her second parents. They have been teaching her (since she hasnt gone to school) and letting her use the paint supplies from the store and even selling the paintings with her permission of course and she gets some of the earnings. Ivory's soul type is kindness

Selene: serene (homebrew race) ranger doesn't talk often and instead uses her racial ability which is basically just message chaotic good sailor

Zoi: a druid satyr who is hopeful and peppy, and got traumatized on her first adventure (another player my brother had decided his edgy character, he wanted to test out having an edgy character, would put one of the enemies heads on a pike to warn others that there was danger and fresh out of the fey wild zoi did not respond well lol my poor girl)

Characters that havnt been used enough to have a lot of information or I just don't remember anything about their adventures

Harmony: beast twin (homebrew class) lopunny (homebrew race based on Pokemon) is bonded with peace (bonded is the best way I can think to put it rn) 3'6"

Peace: a golden tiger, harmony's best friend and bassically her steed as she can go 10ft more than harmony can

Syllin moonwhisper: ranger wood elf (I haven't used her in so so long), is in a relationship with rinn

Rinn bloodeyes: dark elf monk (made by an ex and I have taken Rinn in as mine since he no longer plays dnd with me, and syllin would be lonely without him) is in a relationship with syllin

Viola: ranger half orc

Yog: fighter tortle

Dimdash: cleric hill dwarf fiesty will kill you if you annoy her...most likely

Renanajj: pegasis night (homebrew) tiger folk (probably homebrew? Cant remember)

Layla grey: Dant (homebrew race based off something I dont remember rip) beast tamer (homebrew) has a wolf dont remember his name

Aurora: veria (homebrew race) golden eyes (homebrew class) I dont even remember making her or even ever playing her

Del: half elf rouge (not even finished)

[diavolosthots]

Hey dear! I hope that you have a good time! I want to make a request, but please delete it if you don't feel like doing it.

I saved that request in the notes and been waiting for you to open them 😊

For request

First fight with brother (any of your choice) and one of them (I mean MC or that brother) thinks that it's end of relationship (because never had anything serious), but they reconciled in the end. I want some heavy angst with happy ending. MC can be GN if that is OK.

If you don't mind you can do for Mammon, but feel free to choose another one if you don't feel like write for him. Or if that would be better to write as headcanons for all the brothers. That's up to you!

I haven't been doing requests for ages. Please don't hate me if there is something wrong! I've read the rules, and I hope I haven't missed anything.

Anyway, sorry for long ask. And thank you for your writings!

(I forgot to look if you did anything similar, and remembered it at the end of writing that ask. Sorry if you already did something like that!)

Hey babes ❤ I did end up doing HCs for all of them because I thought it would be cooler (or more like I know someone is gonna request separate fics for all of them if I dont and I'm saving myself that trouble lol) I still hope you like it ! ❤ also this got SUPER LONG so its under a cut

Warning: angst -> happy ending-ish

THE BROTHERS in a fight with MC and thinking that they’re over (yikes)

Lucifer:

Everyone always says Lucifer is quick to lose his cool but he’s honestly been nothing but patient with you. He may have hinted at several things he doesn’t condone and he definitely has that ‘look’, you know the disappointed dad look, but he has held back a lot so as to not ruin the beautiful relationship you have with him. Everyone snaps, though, and when he finally did, it was ugly. He did NOT call you names, but oh he didn’t. He went straight for your feelings and pointed out every mistake you ever made for as long as he’s known you. Ouch. In his defense, you weren’t nice either. The argument ended nasty and ‘I hate you’s!’ were definitely thrown around, but none of them were meant, right? Goodness, he doesn’t know. After you left, he threw himself on his bed, literally, and just stared at the ceiling. His anger slowly fled away and he began to feel… guilty. Not necessarily because of the argument itself, but because he delivered some low blows and he knows that. Are you over? Done with him? You haven’t texted or called or talked… you’ve been actively avoiding him and he doesn’t like that, but his pride is such an issue, goodness. He can’t straight up apologize, that dickhead, but he’s sending you flowers and standing in front of your door with a sad face that says it all. 

“Forgive me? I made reservations at your favorite’s? We can talk over a nice dinner?” 

Mammon:

Mammon is known to get mildly agitated over the silliest things, let’s be real. He’s also quick to revert to the “are you dumb?!” argument, which is never effective. But he loves you and he would do anything for you so even if you do do something that he deems ‘dumb’, he usually bites his tongue. Doesn’t mean that doesn’t get on his nerves, though, and he definitely has a short temper, although people tend to overlook that. You just managed to push his buttons today and he used the “are ya stupid?!” argument, to which you obviously defended yourself, and rightfully so. This ended in a massive screaming match and him saying “Then leave! Ain’t nobody keepin’ ya with me!” He regretted it the minute those words left his mouth and you could see his eyes grow wide in shock at his own words, but that didn’t mean you stayed. “MC!” he tried running after you immediately but you were faster and honestly, who can blame you? He fucked up, and he knows it, and he feels terrible about it. Honestly, he’s crying just at the mere thought of you taking his words seriously and he can’t… he can’t bear to lose you, you know? What’s he gonna do? You’re the light of his life, as pathetic as that may sound to some…. So he won’t let you run away. Homie will hunt you down and beg for forgiveness. 

“Please, MC! Forgive me! I’m dumb, not you!!! Don’t leave me…” Don’t leave him. He will continue crying. 

Leviathan:

His constant need to put himself down is frankly, quite annoying. To you anyway. But you put up with it and just reassure him that, at least to you, he’s the most amazing demon that ever existed. It’s just facts. But a person only has so much patience, right? You can’t always spend your days trying to lift him up when all he does is dig himself a bigger hole. Who has the emotional time for that? You sure don’t. “Oh my God, Levi! Shut up! I can’t take it anymore!” Followed by “See! You’re just like everyone else! Leaving me!” and then you slamming the door to his room shut. It’s frustrating and understandably so. It makes you feel awful that you can’t even make your own boyfriend feel good about himself and get at least a little bit of self confidence and it’s so, so, so very draining to have to constantly listen to that. At this point, it’s affecting your own mental health and you just… you just can’t…. But Levi can’t lose you because he knows you’re right. He has to work on himself if he wants to keep someone as amazing as you with him and that’s why he’s crawling back to you now. 

“Look I… I know you’re right… I’m sorry. I promise I’ll … I’ll try. For you.”

Satan:

For being the Avatar of Wrath, you always admired Satan for his ability to keep cool. He prefers the relaxed and easy going life much more than the type of life people expect him to live, and you respect that. That doesn’t mean his constant need to one up Lucifer, through whatever means necessary, didn’t bother the hell out of you, though. You tried talking to him about it once or twice in a calm manner, but you always got the same answer “Pfft.. it’s Lucifer. Who cares?” And it never sat right with you. Just today he decided to pull a prank on the eldest and you had enough, standing in front of Lucifer and letting the bucket of cursed green slime land on you instead, to everyone’s shock. “What are you doing?!” Now that you’re thoroughly green from head to toe, you were also beyond pissed. “What am I doing?! What are YOU doing?!” But Satan matched your anger tenfold, accusing you of favoring Lucifer over him and oh! “You probably got an affair with him, too!” Which was a stupid thing on his part, but it looked like it the way you defended him. Anger doesn’t even begin to describe the emotion you felt running through you and had it not been for Lucifer, you probably would’ve physically fought Satan for such a dumb accusation. Lucifer took you to get cleaned up and lifted the course, giving you your natural skin and hair color back within a few days and plenty of scrubbing, and Satan felt like shit. You’ve always been there for him and, rationally speaking, he didn’t have a reason to doubt your loyalty to him, but he just can’t help but feel insecure beside Lucifer…. He decides to come apologize anyway, a deep blush on his face and guilt in his eyes 

“I’m… sorry for accusing you. It wasn’t my right to speak out of anger and jealousy…” 

Asmodeus:

How can anyone fight with the Avatar of Lust? Seriously, the guy is super easy going and he loves pretty much everyone. Not as much as himself, but almost. You on the other hand… you didn’t. Well you didn’t NOT love him or yourself, but you were just… you. You didn’t spend 4+ hours in the bathroom trying to get ready when you knew you were only going to the kitchen down the stairs. Like?? Although you never brought it up to Asmodeus, he constantly bothered you about skincare and what foods to eat and what not to eat, etc… It’s quite annoying, honestly, and at some point you just gave him a passive aggressive “Okay, whatever. Can we move on now?” To which he didn’t take lightly. He was still nice and sweet, trying to convince you that at least one of these things will make your skin glow brighter than a unicorn’s ass but you just had enough. “Can you stop?! You’re indirectly saying I’m ugly without that shit ton of product in my face and a diet that would make me starve before it helped me! If you want a skinny VS angel that barely holds onto their skeleton, get one!” It was more hurt and frustration speaking than anything, but your outburst still shocked him and he was taken aback for a moment. And then you ignored him for a week straight and as someone who thrives off of attention, especially the kind he gets from you, he can’t handle that! So he showed up in your room in sweats and a tshirt and messy hair and no product on his skin. 

“You’re right… we’re all naturally beautiful…. Wow that… that really hurts to say MC but can you forgive me?” 

Beelzebub:

Oh the sweet, sweet angel. He’s far from innocent and you know that. We all know that. But for this story, I will give him the benefit of the doubt. His reliance on Belphegor is just really… annoying. Belphegor this, Belphegor that. “Belphie used to…” or “Belphie said….” or “one day when Belphie and I….” Like why does everything have to include his twin? It’s so annoying and so rude when your significant other is right here !!! and planning their own future with you, Beel, thanks. It makes you feel less than and like Belphegor will always come before you. It makes you feel like shit, quite frankly, and who is to blame you? “Hey MC did I tell you what Belphie---!” “No! Shut up! I don’t care! It’s always about Belphie! The day you come to me and don’t let that name drip from your tongue is the day Jesus comes back to save me and we both know that will be never! I’m tired of always being stuck with Belphegor! We are not equals!” Granted, you shouldn’t have yelled and Beel was more than confused at your outburst, but you wouldn’t talk to him anymore after that so he left you alone. He thought you may need an hour or two, maybe a day tops, but that day turned into a full week and he even lost his appetite just because he knows you’re angry with him. It’s been a week, does that mean you’re over? His heart aches just at the thought… 

“I’m sorry for bringing Belphie up… I don’t want you to feel less than, MC. You mean a lot to me and so does Belphie, but you’re not Belphie and I need to learn that…”

Belphegor:

Honestly it’s a miracle he hasn’t lost his temper at you yet. Well, he partially blames it on his own laziness because if being angry or getting upset didn’t take so much energy out of him, maybe he would’ve snapped by now lol, but he tries really hard not to because he thinks your relationship with him after everything is pretty good, considering yall kiss and snuggle and fuck on a regular basis. But anyway, that’s exactly the issue. Considering everything, you’re still holding *that* against him. It’s never direct either, which makes it worse. It’s always said in a joking manner and something like “haha look it’s just like that one time you killed me” or “Beel’s grabbing that ham like you grabbed my throat” or “I remember seeing jesus for a moment there” and it agitates him. It makes him so angry, and he finally snapped. “I know I fucked up MC! Stop holding it against me! What do you want? A medal of honor? A survivor's certificate? Maybe a pat on the back for developing some sort of Stockholm syndrome that made you come back to your abuser?!” And then he left. And you may have cried both from confusion and your own anger, he isn’t quite sure. It’s just so…. Aggravating. He can’t deal with it. He knows it was a mistake spurted by his own insecurities and survivor’s guilt which ultimately led to his hatred but please, stop holding it against him.. He can’t keep putting up with it from the person he’s grown to love. He’s the one ignoring you and he won’t budge either because he’s a stubborn ass, but maybe if you come up first… 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you… I’m just so tired for it being held against me… I love you, and you should know that, and I do feel guilty about what happened.” 

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #cheys headcanons #asmodeus obey me #belphegor obey me #mammon obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me beelzebub #tw angst

[violettelueur]

— ITADORI YUJI + INUMAKI TOGE + NANAMI KENTO || THEM AS OLDER BROTHERS

↳ featuring : itadori yuji + inumaki toge + nanami kento from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : spoilers for non-manga readers (volume 0) + swearing + grammar issues

↳ form : headcanons

↳ published : 10 may

↳ pronouns : she/her

↳ request : Hi ! Can I please get them as big brother headcanon with itadori, inumaki, nanami with a little sister! If you don't do family fluff please ignore this and have a nice day

↳ barista’s notes : let me admit, i haven’t been feeling the best mentally - probably because of the random exams that have been thrown at me from my school after doing 6 of them around 3-4 weeks ago - so i’m going to close my request box for the time being and maybe take some time to rest (even though...i haven’t been writing for a while until yesterday ʕ ㅇ ᴥ ㅇʔ) but moving on from that, i hope you enjoy your cup of classic black coffee and please return when you can ╲ʕ·ᴥ·　╲ʔ

Itadori being your older brother is basically having an instant best friend in your life because Itadori is the type of brother that is reckless, hilarious, and encouraging.

Itadori will encourage you in anything that you choose to do - except for stuff that is bad, so don’t take advantage of that - but he is a supportive person in your life.

For example, if you want to get into a sport, Itadori is the best person to encourage you due to his superhuman abilities - lowkey, you both will argue that he is cheating.

Since Itadori knows how to cook, he knows how to make your favourite meal and you both will have cooking nights together that will turn into food fights leading Grandpa to yell at you both for the mess that you made.

When it comes to education, Itadori gets average grades but when it comes to science, you both are studying together all night to do well in that certain exam.

During school, everyone knows you because of Itadori and they will ask you about why he doesn’t take any sports club...just say “I have no idea”

After school, you and Itadori will go to the nearest fast-food restaurant at the end of the week and just munch on some food - both of you will steal each other's chips/fries even though you both ordered them, it’s just more tasty for some reason.

When he tells you about the whole Sukuna and curse incident and that he has to be executed by the end of eating all of 20 fingers, you would just take it as a joke at first before realising that he isn’t - it would just be a silent stare at you both after you deep it and tears will appear...that just won’t fall.

Itadori is also the brother that knows how to cheer you up and instantly make you smile, and when he is the one that makes you upset, he knows how to make you smile again - aka giving you our favourite food.

Itadori knows that you can protect yourself but after the whole curse incident, he will become more protective than he has ever been, especially with Sukuna because you don’t know what that old man would do.

Fushiguro is the only guy Itadori trusts you with like Todo is out of the question - he does trust Gojo as well since he is the strongest but Fushiguro seems like a better option.

Overall, Itadori as a brother is a brother that we all wished we had because we do need the hint of happiness in our lives and the support that he would instantly give.

Inumaki as an older brother is a weird one to describe because he is both annoying and caring at the same time to the point where you don’t know what to do.

Inumaki is the type of brother that will play pranks on you from time to time and you will run around, chasing him to hit him leading Maki and Panda to laugh.

Other times, Inumaki is the caring brother that everyone wants since he seems like the type to be perspective on your actions/anything you do - if you are thirsty, he will press a really cold water bottle to your cheek...doesn’t matter if it’s winter.

If you are able to talk or not, you and Inumaki will have a secret language together where you will chat shit about other people - but you both will learn sign languages together.

When you and Inumaki talk together, people are just purely confused about what you are both talking about because how do you understand onigiri ingredients.

Inumaki doesn’t trust any guy with you, so when any guy from the Kyoto side comes to talk to you, he will come from behind, grab your upper arms and just guide you away like the person in front didn’t expect - Todo is also out of the question for this headcanon.

When you first meet Okkotsu, Inumaki will guide you away from him in the beginning because Rika is there and Okkotsu will profusely apologise in the beginning for scaring you - when in reality you understand his situation completely.

When Inumaki and Okkotsu get closer as friends, you are also close with him and Inumaki finds it cute to the point where he will tease you and tell you to confess to him even when you don’t have a crush on him.

One thing Inumaki is thankful for is you carrying spare throat medicine for him when his spare on runs out, and if he needs to go buy more, you already have a cabinet for him.

You both as siblings are also competitive, like when it comes to games, if one person wins, the other will instantly ask for a rematch.

Overall, Inumaki as a brother is a funny experience because you both care for each other to the fullest in your own ways but there are times where you would get annoyed at him due to his pranks - Maki will attack him for you, don’t worry.

Nanami has an older brother that is the stern type to the point where he seems distant (not to the point where you question his brotherly love for you) but does worry about your wellbeing over his.

Nanami wants to make your life as comfortable as possible because he doesn’t want you to live in an endless cycle of work as he does - he wants the best for you, see him as a second parent.

Nanami will text you almost every day to make sure you have drunk water and had something to eat and if you haven’t, prepare to get a lecture through voice message/phone call - and he will come to wherever you are with a bag of food.

When he is on the phone with you, Gojo will always try to sneak in a few words only for the device to suddenly fly away from him because Nanami refuses to let him talk to you.

He will also make sure you are at least 5 miles away from Gojo (maybe 10) because he doesn’t want you to get influenced by his senior and personally, he knows that the white-haired man will flirt with you no matter what your relationship is to him.

When it comes to dating, he will tell you this: anyone is fine but they have to be a good person, anyone is fine...anyone but Gojo Satoru.

So when Gojo somehow gets to flirt with you, Nanami is already standing behind him with his wrapped up blade lifted up - and you would just give the widened eye look because what else are you supposed to say?

When he was a salaryman, you would always come to his work to give him food so he didn’t have to pay for himself and he will try to pay you back - but you refuse even when you secretly want to take it (you still do this for him, so you both would buy food for each other)

You both go to cafes quite a bit when he is free to talk to each other about life since it’s hard to catch up to each other - especially if you are both sorcerers - since it’s a really nice heart to heart conversation. 

When you were introduced to Itadori, the first-year can’t help but question if you were really Nanami’s younger sister because you were somewhat more out-going than he is but he can see some similarities in personalities from you both.

Overall, Nanami as an older brother is someone that is an act of service type of man when it comes to his brotherly love to you, he does care about you immensely and will try to make your life a little easier than his since all he wants is the best for you in this world.

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #jujutsu kaisen headcanon #jujutsu kaisen hcs #jjk headcanons #jjk headcanon #jjk hcs #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #itadori yuji #inumaki to/ge #nanami kento #itadori yuji headcanons #itadori yuji headcanon #itadori yuji hcs #inumaki to/ge headcanons #inumaki to/ge headcanon #inumaki to/ge hcs #nanami kento headcanons #nanami kento headcanon #nanami kento hcs #itadori yuji x reader #yuji itadori x reader #inumaki to/ge x reader #to/ge inumaki x reader #nanami kento x reader #kento nanami x reader

[inhuman-obey-me]

Ive read your guys analysis and you a very good understanding and analysis of the obey me game and I really like those kinds of posts but one think i was wondering is that I feel like in reality I would be so scared of the brothers but not because they could kill me but because of their sins you know? Like can they tell your past and what sins you have comitted in your life related to them? A tame example of a few I have is I was a very angry person but I’ve left that behind and am saddened by my past self. Would satan take one look at me and be able to tell about my self that I used to be that a lot of people don’t know about? Would being around him influence me supernaturally and bring out my old self? Like someone predisposed to committing a certain sin if around that avatar will it happen without the avatar having to do anything? This has been in my mind for awhile and have needed someone to talk about it with but no one I know plays the game :(.

If yiu decide to answer that would be awesome but totally get if you don’t. This ask is kind of my paranoia and fear of having my mind read but put into context of this game because I’m literally obsessed with the brothers but realistically I would die in the HoL

At least as far as our interpretation of the characters and how the brothers' sins work -- worry not, we don't think that's the case at all!

Though the brothers are the Avatars of their respective sins, the primary thing that seems to mean is that they are the embodiments of those sins -- the living, breathing extreme.

As an example, let's look at Mammon: he's often described as having a one-track mind, obsessed with getting money and/or the most expensive things out there. He's willing to do just about anything for money and treasure, and pretty much all of the "scummy" things he does are in service of that greed, such as stealing from his brothers or getting deep in debt from gambling. It's a huge driving factor in his life and actions, and he doesn't really have much control over it. And we can think of the rest of the brothers the same way -- basically representative of their sins taken to the extreme.

In terms of what this means for their various powers as demons, it seems to vary somewhat. Leviathan's sin is envy, but many of his powers seem to relate more to his connection to water, rather than being about envy. Similarly, we know that Mammon has command over crow familiars, and while one might argue that crows are prone to stealing and being attracted to shiny things, they're not really known as creatures symbolic of greed. However, Beelzebub's ability to eat pretty much anything and Asmodeus being especially powerful at charming do seem to be directly related to their sins. We expect they are probably able to draw out some of a person's inner proclivities towards a certain sin as one of their powers, such as bringing those kinds of thoughts more to the forefront of someone's mind, but this would most likely be a power they have to actively use, not something that happens just from being around them.

As for whether they know about your past sins, it's a little bit less clear-cut, but we think it's pretty safe to say they can't immediately just know that either. During the Under the Cherry Blossoms event, Lucifer notes that he actually has the ability to read memories, which would seem to imply the rest of them cannot. And, like the charming ability, this is a power he has to actively make the decision to use, so he can't just take a single look at you and know everything you've ever done. Or okay, maybe he could with a single glance, since Lucifer is incredibly fucking powerful, but that's beside the point.

Another important thing to note is that the role of demons is generally to tempt people to commit sins -- but ultimately it's temptation and no more. They may be able to tell if someone would be more easily tempted towards their particular sin, to help them decide who to target, but it's not mind control. On the other hand, as noted above, we do know that demons generally all have some ability to hypnotize people into some kind of mind control, and Asmodeus in particular is noted as being able to control pretty much anyone except MC. However, that too is a purposeful active use of their powers, not a supernatural influence just from being around them, and again, it doesn't actually work on MC, so it's not something you as MC would have to worry about.

That said, they're still around MC all the time, and inevitably, people do find themselves influenced by the ones they surrounded themselves with. As with any friends who are around you constantly, they certainly have the potential to be good or bad influences, and as extreme personifications of their sins who are around you a lot, it's still reasonable to assume that they could influence you to commit their sin more in a non-supernatural sense. Someone like Asmo would certainly shamelessly egg you on to do things just for the fun of it. But in the case of Satan and wrath especially, he himself puts incredible effort into hiding it and controlling it the vast majority of the time, so even if you hung out with him a lot, you might actually find him more likely to influence you on art and books than on making you an angrier person.

For everyone else, it would appear that they would only know as much about your past self as you tell them. Naturally, the game won't fill in details about MC because they want it to be open-ended for players to self-insert, but we do have another human who we can somewhat look to for evidence of this: Solomon.

We know that Solomon and Asmodeus have known each other for an extremely long time, and they're incredibly close. Even so, it seems there are things in Solomon's history that Asmo doesn't know about, even now. Between the seven brothers, if they could just glance at someone and know all about that person's history, even if limited to just their own sins, they could piece together a whole lot of this mysterious sorcerer's past and warn each other. However, instead the only one who actually knows about Solomon's past seems to be Barbatos, who both has a power very specific to him that allows him to know the past and future and was also, well, there for it. For everyone else, they're left just guessing and being on their guard around him.

So, even though the brothers are incredibly powerful demons, and yes they can kill any of us in probably a million different ways with just the power in their pinky fingers, their abilities still aren't limitless, and there are certainly things they still aren't able to do. When you're hanging out with the brothers, you're still the person you choose to be. Hopefully this gives you some comfort as you enjoy the great world this game has given us!

#obey me #obey me swd #obey me! #obey me shall we date #obey me analysis #obey me mc #obey me demon brothers #demons being demons #ask and ye shall be answered #ask and ye shall receive (essays)

[cinnamonest]

Razor (Genshin Impact) - Yandere Profile

@bleachlemon

I'm glad you are ok with it because oh boy do I have some very very n a s t y noncon-y thoughts about our wolfboi. We love a dense boy, not a single thought in his empty, horny lil brain. Head empty, just horny for y/n. 

I also have the big horny™ for any cross between boys and canines... Does smth for me. As if my favoritism wasn't obvious by how much I've written below lmao

tw: general yandere content, violence, mentions of n/sfw

tw below cut: breeding, heavy  noncon, like jfc this is nasty, misogynistic

----

What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

The biggest issue with Razor is his complete and total lack of restraint. He sees no need for it, he has no real concept of social norms. Wolves don't really practice restraint on... anything. When they see something they want to kill, they kill it, when they see something they want to have, they have it, when they're mad, they attack, when they're hungry, they eat.

So in a way, he's perfectly lucid, but doesn't act as a normal lucid person who understands social norms would do. He knows that you give him some burning, fluttery feeling, and that he enjoys having you around, and that he gets sad when you have to leave. He's perceptive enough to know it's the same urge that drives humans to form their long-term mate partnerships. If that's what they refer to as "love," he'll readily adopt that term as a way to describe what he feels. What he doesn't get is everything between point A and point Z. No point in all the "courtship" and "marriage" and other human customs -- he doesn't need to "date" to know you're the one, and he doesn't need some signed paper to signify he loves you. In his mind, it's perfectly logical to expect you to immediately come live out in Wolvendom with him. You did accept all his courtship signs, after all.

Wolves are very straightforward with it, you see. Their courtship includes going for walks side-by-side, close to each other, which you did when you let him guide you through the woods. Wolves will rest their head or legs on the other, and you let him rest his head on your shoulder (even if you flinched with surprise when he did, uncomfortable but too nice to say anything). He even when to the extent of engaging in human mating rituals -- you accepted all those gifts he hunted down, and you smiled when he said nice things about how pretty you are, how nice you smell.

So in other words, you've basically already accepted him as a mate. That's what he's perceived, and changing his initial perceptions is not easily accomplished.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

One of the most likely, and definitely the fastest. Possibly after meeting you a single time. He can't take the risk of you not coming back.

He won't be very subtle or sneaky about it either, not tricking you into walking right into captivity, nor drugging you or taking you in your sleep. It's very straightforward - it's not like there's anyone in Wolvendom to hear you, so he has no problem just slinging you over his shoulder and carrying you off. He kinda gets why you'd panic, so he reassures you that no, he's not gonna eat you or anything, you're just going home.

Don't worry about the pack - they won't eat you either, or even hurt you. He's already told them not to. He gets why you might be frightened by the massive, snarling creatures and their massive teeth and eyes that shine in moonlight, but he'll make sure you get used to them and accept them as your family, just like he has.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape? 

That depends. Can you fight off two 180-pound masses of claws, teeth, and muscle? If so, sure, it'll be easy. If not... you'll have some issues.

He's lucky to have such a loyal pack that will help him with these things - they don't exactly understand why you'd want to leave, but they know you're not supposed to. Even when he has to leave you, which isn't often, he'll leave a few of them around to watch you. To make sure no one comes and steals you or anything - and of course, the implication that it's to make sure you don't run away, either. He doesn't really get why you would, but he's come to the realization, based on what you've tried to tell him, that you miss your family and friends. And he gets that, he really does, but in the end, he's selfish at his core, and his empathy for you isn't enough for him to just let you go.

He sleeps latched onto you, arms wrapped around you, so it's not a good idea to try. Your best bet is to wait for a time he's gone and distract the wolves with something, which isn't too hard, and run for it. But even if you do manage to escape, you won't be for long. They can smell you from a mile away and will use your scent to pinpoint you down within a few minutes. They don't exactly have any gentle ways of taking you down and bringing you back, either. They're basically going to have to use their teeth, so it's better if you don't struggle - you'll just hurt yourself.

If he catches you, though, he'll just get huffy and angry, and much like when initially taking you, he'll just pick you right up and bring you back. He's not opposed to stealing ropes and the like from the passing knights, and tying knots isn't too difficult to figure out.

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

Poor boy is very easy to lie to and manipulate. Head empty, not many thoughts up there. However, you'll have to be clever about it, because most of the time, even if he believes you, he doesn't care. Sure, you can easily convince him that it's normal for human couples to sleep separately... But that's not going to stop him from curling up with you, because that's what he does. That's what wolves do.

He will, however, be somewhat easily manipulated into getting you things you want, if he thinks it'll make you happy. However, obtaining things you want will almost definitely come in the form of theft, or worst case scenario, the body of a passer-by that just so happened to have something you wanted visibly on their person.

If he finds out you lied to him on something, he'll get pouty and grumpy. It's not pleasant, but it's better than the rage reaction of some yanderes.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

His life revolves around you, and yours should revolve around him. That's how mates are. You can go for walks in the woods! You can take naps in the sun together! You can spend literal hours mating! Why would you need anything else?

That being said, he's always had a uniqueness from the wolves in that he's awake more - wolves sleep about 14 hours a day, him only about 8 or 9. You'll definitely be getting a lot more sleep than you would back home, but you'll have a few precious hours to yourselves. It makes him happy - it used to be time he spent all alone, a reminder of how he didn't truly fit in with humans nor wolves. But now, you have that time together! He's willing to do most anything you want, so long as you're together. He's always had some adaptative differences he practices by himself - making fires, cooking food on them, wearing clothes. If you want to go exploring, you can do that, if you want to make food, you can do that too. He'll even accommodate you if you want to do useless things, like your insistence on teaching him to read, or practicing his speech.

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

It's fairly simple. Don't leave. That's really the one big one.

He's actually not one to make a rule against fighting him - he'll see it as you wanting to play fight, wrestling, which wolves do all the time. It's fun, even if it's easy for him to win. And it's exciting when you fight back, in a weird way.

Don't make contact with other humans, if you see them. Oh, and he'll want you to report to him everything you did or saw while he was gone hunting.

Generally, if he gives you a command, which isn't too much, he expects you to follow it. In his mind, he's the male, he's supposed to tell you what to do. Isn't that how it usually works with humans too?

If you're too disobedient, he'll get grumpy. Honestly, his most likely form of dealing with it is to wrestle you to the ground, and essentially hold you down until you comply or agree to whatever he wants.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

Rip.

But seriously. No, they're not going to last. He's one of the more paranoid ones, because deep down he's aware of how little he understands. For all he knows, every human male that talks to you could be doing what you call "flirting." Hell, didn't some girls like other girls too? How does he know which ones do and which ones don't? That means everyone is a threat, and he can't let threats get in the way.

He's not one of the ones to be subtle or try to hide it from you. He will probably try a little bit if he knows it's one of your family or friends whose blood is soaking his clothes when he comes back to you, but if it's random, he might even be proud. Look at that, he took down a whole search party that came looking for you all by himself! It's proof of his strength and dominance, and you should be happy that you have a strong mate to protect you! And he doesn't really empathize well - if you're upset, he will explain exactly that to you, and insist you change how you see things. Humans are so strange, being upset that your mate is able to protect you. You'll see why it's a good thing eventually, he's sure.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

He gets frustrated pretty easily. It's usually just a lack of understanding, in his mind, you're being unnecessarily difficult almost all the time. He has told you a million times he doesn't care about whatever is normal for humans, yet you continuously bring it up, and that's a bit irritating. He'll huff and sigh and clamp a hand over your mouth if you're going on about it, and if you really refuse to shut up about it, there are a variety of ways of making you quiet - or distracting you from complaints.

He's got an immature streak, as he never really had anyone around to teach him otherwise. So he gets very pouty, a little bit aggressive and forceful when it comes to being upset over something or getting his way. If he wants attention and you're not giving it to him, he won't hesitate to just take whatever you're holding and focused on of your hands and toss it to the side.

On the positive side, he's never going to be passive aggressive. He's always straightforward and has no hesitation to tell you exactly how he's feeling.

If he's genuinely, truly furious, he can get violent. He'll probably apologize and definitely feel bad, licking all the little wounds. He wouldn't try to do anything so bad as bone breaking or severely hurting you, but might accidentally lose control of his own strength.

Do they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

More or less an equal. Not much to say here, as, to be honest, that sort of thing hasn't really crossed his mind. He doesn't waste time with thoughts of relative value, he just knows he loves you and wants you.

Subconsciously, it would be slightly below. Due to a very natural upbringing, he automatically associates males as being the leaders and alphas, while females are... Well, puppy-making machines. Don't try to accuse him of any sort of sexism or anything - he can't even really wrap his head around the concept, much less understand why it's wrong to acknowledge how much weaker you are than him. If you need proof of that, he can easily wrestle with you and prove it.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

Pretty highly determined. He mistakes a lot of things as signs of love, though. You might be only complying out of fear or exhaustion, but he won't be able to tell, he's not good with facial expressions, so he thinks it's a sign you're accepting him.

Honestly, he's one of the ones that, albeit unintentionally, will kind of guilt you into acceptance. You inevitably feel bad for him, you can tell how lonely he really is, and how desperately he loves you, wants you to love him. His intentions aren't malicious, and it's actually difficult to truly resent him, unlike some yanderes. Ironically, it reaches a point where rejecting him sometimes really does feel like kicking a sad little stray puppy in the rain - it makes you feel awful when he gets sad and quiet.

While there are a lot of yanderes who would be a lot more earnest and striving to serve and please you, which he doesn't really do, he's probably one of the most patient yanderes when it comes to this. He doesn't care if it takes the rest of your lives. He'll never give up or just settle for having you with him, he'll be loving you and trying to be reassured of your love till the day he dies, if that's what it takes.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Primarily, it's hard to emphasize how significantly his lack of human socialization impacts his yandere behaviors.

Most yanderes are forced to acknowledge the inherent wrongness of their actions - some will accept it and not care that it's wrong, some sadists enjoy knowing it's wrong, some will delude themselves into justifying it, some will try their best to act within moral boundaries or make up for their wrongness somehow. But all in all, they all have to face the reality of the situation and understand that what they're doing is considered wrong.

Razor's not like that. He doesn't really take the moral aspect into consideration. To him, the whole idea is simply a human thing entirely. It doesn't matter what humans do. He views the world in a very black and white sense. Morality is a more abstract concept, what's more important is how things are relative to himself - what he wants.

Tends to communicate in strange ways. Excess emotions, too much happiness or anger or whatever can make him forget his words, so there's a lot of subtle communication through grunts, whimpers, growls. Over time, you learn how to distinguish between the various noises and body language and what they mean.

Will lick you. It's weird. It's kinda gross. But it's just how he shows affection. He tends to get carried away with kisses, ending up lapping at your lips, licking your neck and collarbones, nuzzling his head into you.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

Scientifically speaking, male sex drive is heavily boosted by testosterone. Testosterone can be greatly increased by heavy physical activity, eating high amounts of meat, sun exposure, and is even directly correlated to spending large amounts of time outdoors. 

You see where this is going.

Very high drive, very touchy, and no reservations, no shame. Thank whatever deity you care to recognize in Tevyat that you're isolated from other people out in the woods, because he has no concept of norms or appropriateness, and trying to get him to understand is a fruitless effort. You're wasting your time trying to explain the idea that groping and touching out of the blue is considered rude, or that most human men take issue with being very visibly, very noticeably hard and would likely try to conceal it, not just sit there with the blatant bulge poking forward... His response will only be that you're far away from humans, so it shouldn't matter. He's just trying to show you he loves you, that's why he insists on grinding into you all the time, staring at your body, humping you when you're curled up together quite ironically like a horny dog.

Unfortunately, he basically just does not know how to be gentle or slow about it. He can start off trying to be slow and soft if you beg for it, but once you're actually laying there and he's in you, he gets caught up in instinct and the heat of the moment, and just kinda... forgets about that whole "slow and gentle" thing, opting to just rut you as hard and fast as possible.

He doesn't talk much during sex. He already has some trouble forming sentences in normal times, you can't expect him to when he's fucking. You won't get a lot of words besides the occasional, "good, feels good," or little commands, but you will get a lot of animalistic noises - possessive growls, little whines of pleasure. He doesn't have any sense to hold back on his noises.

He's also the least likely to care about things like shaving, periods, or imperfections. Which is good, but you also can't use those things as an excuse to not fuck, it'll go in one ear and out the other.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

It's not so much an intentional disregard for your willingness, so much as a combo of not really considering it, and thinking it's just something you'll change on. If he's human, and he has the urge, that means surely you do too. Sometimes humans need emotional connections before they want to mate, right? So he just needs to express his love to you. The looping problem there is that fucking you is pretty much his primary way of expressing love. It'll work out in the end, he guesses.

His limited knowledge of humanity also will lead him to certain conclusions. From what he understands, human society often shames females for having sex and wanting sex, right? That's dumb. But their mentality is probably ingrained in your brain, isn't it? That's why you act like this. But don't worry, he's not like the human men. Wolves don't feel that way. You'll understand that with time.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

Biting/Scratching/Marking

It's a natural reaction to him. If he's balls deep in you, mounted on and pounding into your body, thrusting so hard that your body is lurching forward with every movement, he wants a way to hold you still, keep your body in place so that each pounding goes deeper and harder. It's second nature for him to just sink his teeth into your jugular, your neck, your shoulders. As an added bonus, he likes seeing the marks it leaves behind, in addition to how his fingernails that dig into your hips leave little indents in your skin.

Breeding

He doesn't know how to not cum in you. You can't honestly expect him to pull out of you, you're so warm and wet and soft, it would be torture not to reach a climax buried inside that tight heat. You can go on a rant about not wanting to get pregnant, but it'll go in one ear and out the other. He doesn't get it - you're supposed to want to have his pups. Do you not think he's a suitable mate for reproducing? You'll be halfway through explaining why kids aren't in your current agenda before being flipped over and pounded into yet again with his newfound determination to prove his strength and dominance to you. Once you understand that, surely, you'll want all the puppies you can possibly make.

Predator/Prey

This applies mostly to escape attempts. He'll be mad, but it triggers something in him, something instilled by years of hunting down poor little prey animals. The desire to hunt you down, find you, and ruin you. Instead of ripping you apart like he would boars, he can't think of anything but just fucking you up against the nearest tree, the ground, anything. The faster you run, the more afraid you are, the more exciting it is. It's a very primal urge, one that commands all sorts of predators, both in feeding and breeding.

Forced Orgasms

As with many human things, he makes certain discoveries with time about sex. The first time you fuck, it'll probably be too rough for you to really cum, but it'll only be a few days in before your body adjusts to the girth that's frequently inside of you, and you end up spasming all over him - and he's just got this shocked expression, watching with amazement when you clench down and quiver under him. Wait, you mean human females can orgasm too? Not just the men?

From that point forward, he's determined to fuck, lick, grind, and force every orgasm out of you as physically possible. It makes him feel a weird sort of pride and contentment. It's one of the few things that makes him a big smug. Even if you feel like you can't possibly cum any more, he'll try anyway.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

It's your purpose! He has learned that human girls only have one baby at a time, sometimes two, which is nothing compared to how many pups wolves usually have in one litter. That means that you'll have to make up for the lack of quantity of pups with quantity of pregnancies, which means constantly breeding and breeding and making sure every last drop stays inside of you. He doesn't understand why humans would even want to prevent pregnancy, it's the best thing that can happen, it's the whole reason you're alive, and it's a sign that you're his. Like with most things, he knows eventually you'll come around. Once you actually have the pups there in front of you, you'll love it. He knows you will.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

He's a little lacking on the thought process behind punishing. If he's mad, it tends to cloud his thoughts, reverting to a more animalistic state, and he's not gonna have the complex thoughts required to really think through punishment, so it's not gonna be anything complex.

Doesn't really matter, if he's mad, just fucking you is going to feel like a punishment, with him slamming you into the ground, a tree, any rough surface nearby and just rutting you, claw-like fingernails digging into your skin and teeth sinking into your shoulder to hold you in place, a hand clasped around your throat. Fucking is basically the primary outlet he chooses for his emotions, happiness, love, stress, and anger alike, a simple, primal form of expression. If he's mad, he just needs to take it out on something, release all of that force and energy into rough, brutal motions. Normally when he's angry, he'll go hunt down some animal, taking all that anger out on the kill. But, recently he's learned he actually quite prefers to release his anger this way. It's more satisfying and enjoyable, and it deters you from stepping out of line, too. It's not just your average slightly rough fucking, no, it's the kind of fucking that will genuinely hurt you, rutting you over and over until your insides are burning from friction, your walls and cervix so completely bruised and abused you'll feel the  throbbing soreness with every movement for days, hands leaving massive bruises all across your hips and shoulders. Not that that's any excuse to not fuck more, no, no soreness will get you out of normal daily routine.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

He has a thing for breasts. They're very unique to humans, it's something he hasn't had the opportunity to see or understand, and he'll spend a lot of time just burying his face in them, licking and sucking. Big or small, doesn't matter. He just likes them.

One more nasty HC i can't not talk about

wait, you mean humans have sex... Facing each other? There are positions other than doggy? It's all he's ever seen. Porn and the internet don't exactly exist in this world. The whole concept blows his mind. He can fuck you AND see your face while he does? He'll nearly faint right then and there, and you'll regret bringing it up once you've gone numb from the repetitive pounding. He'll start asking you what else exists out there, his brain will start thinking of all the different ways to fuck he's never thought about. Once he learns you can ride him, he's in heaven, even if it's not so much riding so much as you sitting on his cock and him bouncing you up and down with such ferocity you can't even move your legs.

Speaking of things he doesn't know about, if you're smart, you make sure he doesn't find out about blowjobs. He'll love it, and it won't be a blowjob so much as him literally fucking your throat, grabbing your head and hair and just wrecking your mouth.

None of it is him trying to hurt you, really. He just doesn't understand how to be gentle. He might get better with time, but he's got a predator-born ferocity, a primal roughness that will always be a part of his nature.

(yes i did research on wolf courtship/mating rituals for this bc i suffer for my art)

#yandere x reader #yandere genshin impact #yandere razor #tw: noncon #tw: dark content #yandere profile #tw: misogyny

[blksuwie1]

RivaMika FanFic Rec List Part 1

Hi friends!

I decided to make this rec list because I've been consuming so much RM fic lately that I've been having a hard time keep tracking of which ones I'm recommending. So, I decided to make this for my selfish reasons lol but I figured this would be good to share since it seems we have some more incoming RM fans our way.

We're currently at 916 RM fics as of today. When I first started reading about this wonderful duo, there were only about 600 or so and it just exploded over the past years. It's so awesome to see our little ship gain some headway.

As always, feel free to add in your own recs! This is merely a beginning list. The links to the fics are attached to the title. I'll include some ratings and brief summary. See the tags below for quick info:

Tags

+ = Completed work

- = WIP

* = nsfw

The Song Remains The Same by MoraLeeWright. Rated M, * and +. What can I say about this masterpiece that hasn't been said already? This is probably the best intro to rivamika that you can ask for. Really good rival to lovers done in a realistic manner. So damn good, you'll consume it in less than three days. Recommended to anyone who is a bit iffy about this pairing and needs some convincing. The smut is beautifully done too. Fantastic slow burn.

Just Until The Storm Has Gone by MoraLeeWright. Rated E, * and +. When I tell you I screamed at some of these scenes! A much more angsty composition to the post canon au fics out there, but done so well. You almost forget how much angst the characters feel when the sweetness of their actions outweigh them. Author is incredible and has more works, but these two are just *chefs kiss*.

Surviving Peace by die-forellex (heatinfreezing). Rated E, * and +. This fic was my first RM fic, and I'll never forget it. It's hot, sweet, and oddly comforting. There's a particular, ahem, mouth on private part scene that always me fan myself in chapter 2. The satisfaction you feel when these two are finally finally happy, it's so wholesome. Just mind the tags--ackerbaby and pregnancy is big in this one.

To you, five years from now by a_sassin. Rated E, * and +. A different take on a post war au that has Eren and Armin alive, trying to navigate their last years as Mikasa returns to them. Oh, and she's pining for a certain captain *grins gleefully*. This is angsty but not as heavy as you'd expect. Very spicy but sweet. Definitely give this a try.

The Sound of Lightning by LycheeGreenTea. Rated M, * and -. Ackerbabies? Ackerbaby. This cute but action packed WIP is such a worthy check out. There's something about Daddy!Levi and Mommy!Mikasa that eats at my rm heart. Another take on a post war au that leaves you wanting more. A spicy scene and some domestic fluff is all you need to want more from this author.

After The War by loneackerman (aka the wonderful @rivaille-13) Rated M, * and -. THIS STORY. Anyone who is reading this can attest to just how amazing the plot and development of these characters are. There's a delicious slow burn element to it, and it's recently been resolved...let me tell you, worth the wait. Author is almost done with the fic I believe, but please check this story out. It's one of the best post war canon healing au's out there.

Same Old Thing by Raewyll. Rated M, * and -. Did someone say underground adventure? This was one of the best stories I had the pleasure of following along for a while now. I think the author has one more chapter left over. This is great for those who want something kind of spicy but not too spicy. The tension, plot, and action are all still there though.

I am from a burning village by @valya-azucena. Rated M and -, possible *. There's so much I want to say about this fic but can't coherently describe how amazing it is. The tension and build up of these characters is so SO good, and I screamed at the last update. 10/10.

Inexorable by @alienheartattack. Rated T and +. Hello modern au! I devoured this fic during work shamelessly. It's short and sweet, and there's just something so hot about the secretary/boss trope that eats me up.

Paths in Constellations by LamentableBrat. Rated E, * and -. HOLY SMOKES. This fic has torn me apart, y'all. When I tell you I cried AND am hotly bothered, no one else can do this but this author. It's an incredible fic and am so excited to see where it goes.

Soldiers Don't Get Happy Endings by heretosayhello. Rated T and -. I had to do a double take when I saw this was rated T because holy heck, this author just writes the tension between them like no other. There's a lot of Ackertalk and new plot lines I'm incredibly jealous of that I didn't think of first. SO GOOD.

Deep Sea Running by @linaxlight (shameless self plug). Rated E, *, and +. Post canon AU of what happens when the old Levi squad comes back to Paradis Island. Everyone else seems to have moved on three years after the ending of the war, and they make their peace saying goodbye to Eren. But Mikasa chose to stay behind back then, and she'll need to face Levi eventually. Sequel has Ackerbabies because I love them.

That's all for now folks! I'll do a part 2 next time.

#rivamika fanfic #rivamika #levimika #fanfic #fanfic list #rec list

[terubakudan]

My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness by Nagata Kabi - Book Review and Impressions

(light reflection) Perfect :D Hoping Tumblr doesn't flag me for this xD

Ok, I'm going to start this off with 'this is probably the first and only book review I'm going to do' xD Because I rarely do read books now, and just as rarely buy them. Also, I would have preferred to buy the English version but alas they only had the Chinese version in stock ^^"

Stumbling upon this on the Internet, I was immediately compelled to buy this, as if I knew I would love it and that Nagata's story would resonate with me.

【Short Version】 I can't recommend this book enough, it doesn't matter what sexuality you are or from what culture are you. Nagata makes sure to tell an honest and 'naked' (without embellishments) portrait of her own personal experiences. How she herself is a college drop-out (having only graduated from high school), pushed herself to live/work while struggling with depression and eating disorders, not being sure of what she wants and feeling that she doesn't 'deserve' things, realizing her own sexuality in that she likes girls, and just not feeling 'good enough'...all through her cutesy and unassuming art style.

I will say again though, cutesy art style aside, the book deals with some very heavy topics. Nagata is very honest and doesn't shy away from the gritty details, and I admire her all the more for doing so. Many yaoi and yuri comics often portray an unrealistic and fetishistic view of the LGBTQ+ community whereas Nagata's story is much more grounded and sincere. This is not an easy read, but it's not an overly depressive one either. Nagata literally struggled for years with her mental health, but ultimately found light on the other side. Not mainly through the help of others, but through her own choice to forgive and love herself.

5/5⭐ Definitely recommend and would read again. And if I could, I'd give Nagata a big hug and a heartfelt 'thank you' for sharing her story.

【Long Version】 While it's written primarily from an Asian (particularly Japanese) perspective, Nagata's experiences are ones that should resonate with anyone who has been through the same or similar things, regardless of one's personal background. And I myself, while being fortunate enough to not have gone through eating disorders or self harm, am no exception.

I grew up in an Asian (Taiwanese/Chinese Filipino) household, while my parents weren't Tiger Parents (no offense but fuck Amy Chua for thinking that's a proper way of raising your children), they still had certain expectations on their children: to find a good husband/wife, have a good education, have a 'stable' career, etc. And while I love my parents very much, I'd be lying if I said there weren't any times where I felt they were smothering me, there weren't any times where they kept on nagging and bugging me for very trivial details. My biggest pet peeve: guilt-tripping me just for wanting to spend time alone.

"For me, my parents' opinion of me is absolute." (NOTE: While I won't be providing exact translations of the excerpts I used here, I'll do my best to summarize the gist of them.)

At the same time, I cared very much about their opinion of me. I made it a point to do well in school, to do things according to their wishes, and just like Nagata, I didn't know what I wanted. This even extended to caring about others' opinion of me, more than my own. In my freshman year of college, I 'went along' with being friends with someone, who while was nice to me, turned out to be a manipulative bitch skilled in passive-aggressiveness xD Being half-Taiwanese/half-Filipino, it was hard to fit in since people always treated me differently, it didn't occur to me I could be choosy with friends, I thought as long as they were 'nice' to me, that would do.

Asian culture is largely a collective one, where we define ourselves by our relationships with others, compared with Western culture (primarily America, I'll be using America as a reference point) where individualism is absolute, where you define yourself as you like. In Asia, it's also normal for children to still live in the same house as their parents well into adulthood, compared with Americans who are expected to move out the house once they finish high school or start college, and they're quite literally 'on their own', having to pay their own tuition, rent, etc. Where I live (Taiwan), it's normal for adults to continue relying on their parents financially well until college. Nagata for instance, while saying her parents really make her feel so pressured, is grateful that she still had a home to stay in (and she's 28!).

If you ask me though, neither a collectivist culture or an individualist culture is absolutely good nor bad. Each have their own pros and cons, and both Asian culture and Western culture could learn a thing or two from each other.

After going through quite a few job applications, one of the interviewers tells her "Ganbatte!" (You can do it!) after Nagata tells her what she really wants is to be a manga artist.

And sometimes that's all we need really, a small gesture or kind remark can do wonders. Even if there's no base or reason for it, it's something worth believing in.

I often have doubts if I'm doing what I really want, if I chose the right major for college, if I'm doing the right thing, if I'm 'good enough'. I didn't grow up with much self-esteem as a kid, and often derived my value from others. But even at my lowest times, a 'you're doing ok' was very reassuring to me, be it from family, strangers, or people I care about. Sometimes that's exactly what we need, it may be small but it could be the difference between continuing to wallow in depression or re-evaluating and choosing to be better to oneself.

I find it's really important to know, that however alone you may feel sometimes, there are other people out there going through the exact same thing. It's something universal, and while a lot of things are really unfair in life, each person has their own lot or burden to deal with. I have a Taiwanese friend who, while being more financially well-off than me, has terrible parents. And I mean parents who are quite so literally toxic, unsupportive of her, and would outright say the worst things to their own daughter.

How depression and anxiety can feel sometimes, we can literally feel like it's impossible to breathe and be in a state of disconnection from the world.

"The sounds that invaded my ears occupied my empty brain, making me unable to think at all."

If you only did what your parents asked you to do, wouldn't days like those be very painful? In the end, only you can understand what you really want.

Nagata's art style is one I would describe as simple, cute, and effective. I personally think had her story been drawn in a more serious style, it would have been even harder to read, much less finish. It's also a choice that has artistic appeal to me, serious subject matter juxtaposed with a 'kawaii' art style.

Nagata also depicts very well her mental state and thoughts throughout her struggle and journey to self-actualization. Depression is a really tough thing to deal with, and sometimes we don't even realize that we have it or if we do, refuse to acknowledge it. In Asian cultures especially, mental health has always been something of a taboo subject and there is a very heavy social stigma associated with it. Nagata herself even said that her parents seemingly refused to acknowledge that their daughter's mental health was in a state of distress. In Japan, there is a concept called gaman (我慢), which is described as 'enduring the seemingly unbearable with patience and dignity', and while it is portrayed as an ideal virtue that inspires perseverance, it can be a source of heavy pressure for others. Gaman also means that you are expected to suppress whatever emotion or negative feelings you have, often for the sake of others and no matter how tough the situation becomes for you. And while I agree that through gaman you can become more selfless for others, it shouldn't have to come at the expense of your own well-being.

I was quite fortunate to have grown up in a more liberal Asian household, but even when it came to mental health, our family also adopted the same kind of attitude towards it, by carrying on as if nothing was wrong, or just not talking about it. And to be honest, there were numerous times I wished we had been more open about what was bothering ourselves at that time. Talking and being open about your feelings is not a 'weakness' but something incredibly brave to do, and it's my wish for that to slowly become more acceptable in Asian cultures, which I know is kind of a stretch, but it doesn't hurt to hope.

Nagata makes the decision to clean herself up, by taking a bath everyday, habitually exercising, and no longer wearing worn-out clothes.

Depression especially can be a bitch. It deprives you even of your physiological needs, like your need for food. Nagata had to struggle with that on top of eating disorders for a long ten years. She ate so little and even felt that she didn't 'deserve' to eat, and at one point, anorexia became hyperphagia, and she would feel so guilty for eating almost expired/expired food. Things that would otherwise be simple to do also end up becoming difficult/impossible to do, like taking care of your personal hygiene, getting up from bed, doing simple tasks etc.

Thankfully, after Nagata realizes that she never truly 'valued herself', she starts to turn over a new leaf. Even just starting with cleaning herself up, she takes this as a form of 'valuing oneself' and her mood starts to improve, which her family also points out. In the end, taking care of yourself is not a selfish thing to do, it can even make you a better person who is there for others.

Nagata meets up with the female escort she hired, as a means to experience human sexuality, which she had always repressed her curiosity for and treated as a taboo subject. (NOTE: And I'm glad that she met a really nice girl for her first time too!)

Sex and sexuality is also a subject that I feel is hard to talk about sometimes, which I think also owes itself to most Asian cultures being relatively conservative about it. I myself have only recently identified as bisexual, which I attribute to internalized homophobia, not wanting to admit I was into girls too. And to be honest, 'coming out' is something I'm still uncomfortable about, because I don't want to risk my relationship with my family and it's still something I would choose to be selective about with colleagues and friends. I'm grateful though that as crazy the Internet can be sometimes, it can be quite accepting and tolerant towards things that we wouldn't otherwise discuss with even the closest people in our circle. Nagata's memoir ended up capturing the hearts of many readers ever since she first published it on Pixiv.

Exploring your sexuality doesn't have to be scary, it should be something exciting and liberating. Nagata decided to take matters into her own hands, and while the days leading up to the encounter made her really nervous and she even considered not going through with it at all, she willed herself to continue, because she wanted to do this for herself, it would be pointless if she gave up after coming so far in her decision to value herself.

And it's these series of actions that she decided to do that ultimately led to her life turning out for the better, it gave her the courage to do what she always wanted: to be a manga artist, which lead to the publishing of this autobiographical memoir, something she wanted to create that would 'make people want to buy this book' and from her own preference for reading stories that 'speak of secrets people wouldn't want to tell others'.

Nagata mentions what she calls 'honey': something that varies from person to person. It could be your reason for living, that thing that drives/pushes you, or even your sense of belonging. It may not be something permanent, but you can always find yourself a new one. (she mentions the last time she had her 'honey' was during her high school days, and while she has grown apart from the friends she made, she has found her new 'honey' in the form of being a full-time manga artist.)

Nagata stumbles and trips a lot on her way to being a better version of herself, but who doesn't? She admits to things not necessarily being smooth, but at least she's doing better than before. And it's that decision to at least try that counts. We don't have to be perfect, we're all human after all.

TL;DR My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness is a honest, down-to-earth, and ultimately hopeful memoir about the struggles of mental health and learning about one's sexuality. It's an amazing book, and very much worth the buy.

A big thank you if you read through all of this too. I know it's a mess and writing isn't exactly my strong point, but hopefully I've convinced some people out there to give this book a read! Please feel free to share your thoughts and I'd appreciate it very much too if you reblog/like this post.

#my lesbian experience with loneliness #the private report on my lesbian experience with loneliness #nagata kabi #kabi nagata #yuri #girls love #gl #lgbtq #lgbtq+ #lesbian #lesbians #comic #comics #comic books #books #book review #graphic novel #web comic #pixiv #mental health #tw depression #tw suicidal thoughts #tw eating disorder #tw self harm #personal stuff #taiwan #philippines #japan #asian #I wrote something xD

[songofclarity]

Omg I absolutely agree with your meta about WRH. When I 1st got into the Fandom I used to hate his guts but after I read the novel and watched the donghua I couldn't help but think he was really cool. Something I don't see spoken about often is his competence, not only was his sect the most powerful and richest in his reign but also in the sunshot campaign he was up against the whole cultivation world and they had WWX's demonic cultivation and army of the dead on their side as well as Meng Yao as a spy sneaking them information right from WRH's side and still they couldn't beat him and the war was at stalemate for 3-5 years until WRH was betrayed by Meng Yao whom he trusted and treated like a son and only after they lost WRH's leadership did the Wen sect fall. Also he respects and rewards competence regardless of background and gender etc which makes him look more progressive than most of the cultivation world. I also love how he exudes pure power and self confidence he has that sort of "feline" charisma like how a cat knows 100% and without any doubt that they are the epitome of cathood and that everyone else is beneath them and can never reach their level and also how before you know a cat you think cats are mean tyrannical assholes but then after you get to know them you still believe they are mean tyrannical assholes but also there is far more to them than meets the eye and you can't help but adore them and agree that they are indeed superior and have every right to expect to be worshipped and rule the world. Idk why I went into this cat tangent lol but the point is I believe WRH is very cat-like and maybe that's why I adore him so much because cats are my favorite creatures in the world

Much like a cat, Wen RuoHan sleeps 16 hours a day because an apex predator fears nothing. He wakes up to ask if the Sunshot Campaign is over yet. It's not. He gives a few orders, eats his dinner, throws around a newly gifted catnip toy (he’s quite pleased), and then goes back to sleep near a nice warm fireplace. It's been a long day and he deserves it.

OK, on a serious note, "only after they lost WRH's leadership did the Wen sect fall." 👏👏👏 THANK YOU! The war lasted three years. Wen Chao, Wen ZhuLiu, and Wen Xu all died within days of each other in the first three months. The Qishan Wen Sect is never described as stepping up their game when they realized the Sunshot Campaign was serious. The other sects had Wei WuXian’s demonic cultivation and Meng Yao’s spying.

And STILL the other sects could. not. win.

Jumping back to the top of your ask, it's pretty easy to hate Wen RuoHan at first. The fandom blames him for literally everything even though we see in real time how Wang LingJiao, Wen Chao, and Meng Yao all make their own, terrible choices. The donghua makes Wen RuoHan into a murderous aggressor trying to take over the cultivation world. CQL went with the a more traditional cdrama evil man who doesn't seem to know which way is up.

On a side note, I'm constantly confused when I see people say Wen RuoHan declared the Sunshot Campaign on the other Sects because, like, no? It's literally in the name: the other sects are trying to shoot down the sun! If this was Wen RuoHan's war, it would be more akin to the Scorched Earth Campaign.

So Wen RuoHan being at the head of the Wen Sect with four other great sects trying to take him down and holding steady is such a testament to his competency, you're absolutely right! And at the helm of his competency is his delegation.

Does he delegate to good, responsible people? No, and that’s what gets him into trouble, but I think his delegation is also what makes him popular with his sect and with guest cultivators. He’s powerful and he’s willing to share that power.

What's funny about the Qishan Wen Sect was that it was indeed the most powerful and richest, but Wei WuXian also notes how bad their general cultivators are. That Lan XiChen, Lan WangJi, Wei WuXian, and Jin ZiXuan all ranked in the top four at the archery competition isn't just due to their outstanding skill. It's also because the Wen juniors were just... frankly bad. Wen Ning has stage fright and Wen Chao lacks talent. The Waterborne Abyss was pushed into Gusu territory not as an attack on Gusu, but very likely because the Wen cultivators were not able to destroy it so they just pushed it outside their borders.

So the Wen Sect is really quantity over quality. Yu ZiYuan is a badass lady with a lightning whip and should not have died at Lotus Pier, but Lotus Pier was completely overrun so of course she stood no chance.

And the lack of quality also lies with the guest cultivators. The guest cultivator who threw Nie Dad under the bus, Wang LingJiao, and Meng Yao are all horrible people. Wang LingJiao and Meng Yao are noted for their poor cultivation. Both of them would have been killed before the crucial point if our actual Wen fam, Wen ZhuLiu and Wen RuoHan respectively, did not step in to save them.

Which makes it all the more impressive that Wen RuoHan's leadership held back not just the four sects (perhaps closer to three as the Yunmeng Jiang were recruiting probably rogue cultivators and training a lot from scratch) but also Wei WuXian with his demonic cultivation! Didn't the rumors talk about how Wei WuXian could kill thousands on his own? I don't recall Wei WuXian ever denying it, although at that rate I'd be surprised if there was anyone left to fight after three years, so it’s probably exaggerated lol He’d still be terrifying, however!

Meng Yao's spy work perhaps saved the other four sects from being decimated but his spy work was never enough to give them the upper hand. (Although I have a LOT of thoughts about what that spy work was meant to achieve in general.) Did Wen RuoHan ever know there was a spy? Would it have mattered when it had such little effect??

Wen RuoHan absolutely son-zoned Meng Yao and it's infuriating to me how often Wen RuoHan is treated by fandom as abusing Meng Yao in some capacity. There is no sign that Meng Yao ever suffered in Nightless City. That was always kind of the point of us seeing empathy: Meng Yao was in his stride, he murdered, and he was given a choice and he voted torture.

When we hear about the Fire Palace and how Meng Yao invented all those torture devices, that's Meng Yao being honored for his talent in torture. Wen ZhuLiu changed his name to Wen in order to follow Wen RuoHan and Wen Chao even comments that he can't do anything to punish Wen ZhuLiu because his father thinks Wen ZhuLiu is a rare talent. Talent is protected. Talent is promoted.

Wen RuoHan absolutely rewards talent -- which is, I like to point out, something we only ever see Nie MingJue do when he explains why he promoted Meng Yao. By comparison, Jiang FengMian only praises Wei WuXian, the Gusu Lan bullied Su She out rather than acknowledge he was talented in his own right, and the Jin only ever use their guest cultivators, such as Xue Yang, like tools to be used and thrown away. While Nie MingJue gets closest by raising up Meng Yao, however, he doesn't seek to cultivate Meng Yao's skills and instead sends him on his way when Meng Yao has other goals.

Wen RuoHan not only rewards talent but he also nurtures it. Wen Chao is given opportunities to practice being a leader and organizer. It's said by cultivators later in the novel that Wen RuoHan taught Meng Yao his sword technique--the same technique that Meng Yao likely used to kill him. Note how Nie MingJue observed from the start that Meng Yao's sword skills needed work, but we never see or hear about Meng Yao doing any training with the Nie. So Meng Yao goes from being a terrible swordsman to being good enough to kill Wen RuoHan fast enough that he suffers no backlash.

Although is Wen RuoHan the type of person who would harm someone he had son-zoned? The manhua gave us a gift by showing us the shocked and betrayed look on Wen RuoHan's face and the completely unapologetic look on Meng Yao's.

That isn’t to say that Wen RuoHan, as the enemy, didn’t somehow deserve to be taken down, but it does say a lot that the only way to defeat him was through a personal betrayal. And it says a lot that, with Wen RuoHan ruling over a city-sized cultivation sect that welcomed plenty of outsiders, he never felt like he had to watch his back.

#asked from above #anon #mdzs thoughts #wen ruohan #this is kind of a ramble #but you're opening all the doors on my wrh feels lol #included the mentioned wrh meta in the source