#whereas like despite the fact I ALWAYS had issues in school not one of my teachers ever even considered the possibility | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kyovtani · 4 years

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𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 – 𝒊𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒛𝒖𝒎𝒊 𝒉𝒂𝒋𝒊𝒎𝒆

࿏ pairing: iwaizumi hajime x chubby female reader ࿏ genre: fluff, smut, angst; best friends to lovers!AU ࿏ word count: 11.6k (at this point i have no explanation, im sorry) ࿏ warnings: swearing, mentions of body image issues, self doubts, anxiety, bullying, fat shaming; as well as violence and blood (iwa gets into a fight mwah); ddlg (daddy dom-little girl) dynamics, soft dom!iwa, body worship, praising, sugarcoated degradation, spitting, choking, fingering, face riding, unprotected sex

࿏ Summary: After four years of trying to get over your stupid crush on your best friend, said male finally comes back home and all of a sudden all of those plans are thrown overboard...

Even though you‘ve known about it for so long now, you still feel your heart skip a beat when Matsukawa mentions his return to Japan and no matter how hard you try to, you can‘t help the way the disgusting mixture of anxiety, nervousness and excitement starts filling your veins.

After all it‘s been literal years since you‘ve last seen him.

Iwaizumi Hajime, former Seijoh Ace, now freshly majored athletic trainer, your best friend of ten years and — love of your life.

However, of course he doesn‘t know about the latter and as pathetic as it may sound, you‘re quite proud of yourself for hiding your feelings for him so well that he hasn‘t suspected anything in all these years the two of you have been friends.

Of course it‘s painful and basically nothing but literal torture to watch the guy you‘ve lost your heart to years ago, move on with his life thinking he‘s nothing but a friend to you, but you know you‘d always choose this pain over the one of rejection and shame.

Because after all you‘re not his type or what he looks for in a partner and you're very much aware of it.

And no matter how many times you daydream about a life as his girlfriend, you won’t ever forget about the fact that Iwaizumi Hajime, basically a literal athlete, would never date someone who looked like you.

Growing up on the bigger side, physically wise, has always been difficult and something you're struggling with to this day. You had always hoped for those extra pounds to disappear once you hit puberty, just like it had happened to all of your friends but those hopes were quickly destroyed when you still found yourself hiding from full length mirrors to avoid having to look at your own body in your third year of High School.

By the time you turned eighteen, you had tried every kind of diet in hopes of losing weight but all of them just ended with you losing motivation and every bit of your happiness and even though you still struggle with it in your mid-twenties, you‘ve come to terms with it.

This is who you are and despite taking literal decades to realize it, you‘ve slowly but surely started accepting it.

However, when it comes to relationships, you‘ve given up completely.

After years and years of being rejected, hidden, fat shamed and disrespected by men who hated their own attraction to bigger women, you stopped wasting your time and energy on dating. If you wanted to hear someone shame you for being big, you could just go home to your family or back in your memory to remember all those mean things the skinny girls in your school had thrown at you.

Or you could just look in the mirror and let your brain do the job after eating literally anything.

Just thinking about a guy like Iwaizumi looking at you in that way has you chuckling coldly and every time you imagine confessing to him, it ends with a broken heart on your side because your brain loves to keep things realistic and never once have you considered the possibility of him liking you back.

It‘s not that Iwaizumi, or any of the Seijoh Volleyball boys, have treated you badly or even slightly differently in the three years you were their manager, but after having to deal with fat shaming your whole life, it has become quite difficult for you to believe that anyone found you attractive at all.

Especially people like the widely known Seijoh third years who also happen to – still – be your closest friends.

And unfortunately, as glad as you are that Iwaizumi remains rather oblivious to your year-long crush on him, the other boys, including the professional athlete to be, Oikawa Tōru who’s currently living his best life in Argentina are pretty much aware of your feelings for the trainer.

So, just as usual whenever the topic of Iwaizumi Hajime enters the conversation between the other two, you’re met with pitying stares from Takahiro and a lot of teasing coming from Issei. But at this point you’ve gotten quite used to it and don’t mind the brunette’s words, whereas you still find yourself growing absolutely annoyed at the way Makki stared at you.

“Stop staring at me like that, Hiro!”, you hiss and roll your eyes, the pity in his face so evident, if you didn’t know any better you’d think he’s mocking you.

“Just confess to him already!”, the strawberryblonde hisses, running one of his pale hands through his locks before he takes a big sip from his beer.

“Yeah, sure!”, you spit back, your words dripping in sarcasm and annoyance as you try to avoid your chest from growing even heavier at the thought of your best friend coming back after all those years.

“He broke up with that blondie months ago”, Matsukawa begins, his naturally sleepy gaze roaming your face attentively, “and he’s coming back to Japan. Now you really have no excuse left, Y/N”, and just as usual his words hit the right spot and all you can do is let out a shaky sigh before the intensity of your insecurities breaks down onto you like a huge wave.

“I‘m not his type, Mattsun”, you hiss, the bitter taste of reality coating the muscle of your tongue in the worst way possible, “and I‘ve had enough males reject and– or fat shame me. If I have to add Hajime to that list as well, it’s going to break me.”

You feel the two males’ soft gazes on you, whereas you can‘t help but focus on the napkin in between your fingers in hopes of distracting yourself from all those dark thoughts by nervously pulling at it.

“Iwa‘s not like that, Y/N”, Makki replies, brows furrowed in irritation; something you've grown quite used to seeing whenever the topic of your body image issues occured.

“Has he ever dated a big girl before, hm?”, you reply and look at him with arched brows and your lips pressed into a thin line. At the lack of response from the two men in front of you, you just lean back and nod.

“That‘s the point”, you take another deep, shaky breath; the tears threatening to spill from your glossy eyes at the thought of your pretty faced best friend and only men in your heart, “nobody likes women who look like me in that certain way, my loves. Every guy I‘ve been and slept with wanted to hide me or the relationship we had because they didn‘t want to be seen with a big girl.”

Suddenly you‘re hit with the memory of all those times you went home after any kind of intercourse with a male who had brought your hopes up with sugarcoated lies. Only to receive a harsh reality check when they asked you to not tell anyone about it, knowing it‘s simply because of the fact you aren‘t part of society‘s beauty standards.

“Y/N, we-”, “I‘m not talking about you two”, you‘re quick to interrupt Hanamaki, giving him a soft smile, “I know you don‘t care about it and sometimes I find myself wishing I would have fallen for one of you instead of the professional trainer”, you let out an empty, coldhearted chuckle before you finish your glass of wine in one go.

“I would fuck you without hesitation”, Mattsun shrugs, his plump lips stretching into a playful smirk and the tiny hint of seriousness in his gaze has you rolling your eyes with a soft scoff.

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Issei”, Makki hisses and gives his best friend the same reaction as you.

“What? I‘m being serious! You know this isn‘t the first time I‘m offering this to you, pretty one”, the brunette replies and this time you can‘t help but chuckle softly at his words, showing him your appreciation for his ability to make such heavy topics vanish from the surface so easily.

“Thank you, Issei but that guy I met on Tinder has been ghosting me for two weeks after we fucked and that‘s why I‘ve had enough dick for now”, and just when you let your gaze roam over the brunette‘s handsome face, you watch Hanamaki‘s face brighten up suddenly and furrow your brows in confusion.

“Hearing Y/N talk about dick is definitely not what I was expecting to come back to but it‘s surely a surprise!”

And upon hearing the familiar voice of your best friend, you understand the reason behind the change in Makki’s expression.

You watch the other two get up from their chairs, approaching the freshly majored trainer with the biggest smiles plastered on their faces whereas you try your best to stay as calm as possible.

However, the simple thought of Iwaizumi coming back had already stressed you out and having him stand behind you in all his glory made the tightness in your chest and the struggle to take proper breaths intensify just like that.

After what feels like an eternity you finally get yourself to stand up as well, turning around literally convinced you‘re ready to see him again after all these years only for it to be the exact opposite.

Your heart skips a whole beat at the sight of Iwaizumi and for a quick second you feel yourself getting dizzy from the lack of oxygen in your lungs.

“Hey”, he mumbles, his voice deep and raspy, something you‘re used to since the two of you have been talking regularly on the phone over the time yet hearing it in person again sends a jolt of hot arousal right into your core.

You nervously let your eyes roam his face; taking in the sight of his features, which have become even sharper during his absence. A soft sigh falls past your lips when you find the little scar right underneath his eyebrow which he had gotten back in middle school during one of his volleyball practices. The familiarity and feeling of security in the soft expression of his pretty, dark green eyes calms you down in an instant and by the time you feel your muscles ease up a bit, he‘s already approaching you with open arms.

Different than you’ve expected from yourself, you‘re quick to wrap your arms around his slim waist, taking him into your embrace with the intention of never letting him go again and at the feeling of his big hands on your body, you can‘t help but tear up a little.

You sniffle softly against the crook of his neck, Iwaizumi letting out a breathy chuckle at your sweet reaction as he caresses your back gently, subconsciously massaging your soft flesh to calm you down even more.

“Seems like someone missed me a lot more than she wanted to admit on the phone, hm?”, Iwa mumbles softly, placing the sweetest kiss on the top of your head as he holds you tight.

Matsukawa and Hanamaki let out a row of deep chuckles, partly laughing at your obvious reaction and partly because of their best friend‘s blatant oblivion.

“Shut up”, you reply with a sniff, taking in the light yet intense smell of his aftershave as well as the scent of detergent you had missed oh so much.

“Enough now, Y/N”, Mattsun huffs, “you can cuddle his stupid ass some other time, let‘s catch up with Mister America”, he adds and you know too well the tall brunette simply does it to stop you from falling even further into this dark hole you‘ve dug yourself; all those years ago.

Throughout the whole night, you stay rather quiet; listening to Iwaizumi‘s stories, more so to his voice but definitely his stories, too.

And every time he mentions some random girl he hooked up with or one of his ex girlfriends, you can literally feel the way he‘s avoiding your gaze; his eyes moving away from your face to focus on the guys as his voice turns a little less enthusiastic. You try your best not to read anything into it, knowing he‘s always been more hesitant towards you when it came to topics like this and in some way you find yourself appreciating it because it definitely helps to make the pain in your chest a little less heavy.

The atmosphere between the four of you remains calm; the familiarity something you‘ve always missed despite you and the other two boys spending just as much time together as you used to back in High School. Having Iwaizumi in your little circle again definitely has changed the air and it‘s in times like these you realize just how close you all actually are.

However, when Hanamaki and Matsukawa both stand up, cigarettes firmly placed between their plump lips, telling the two of you to give them a few minutes, you feel yourself slowly wandering into a state of anxiousness and slight panic.

It‘s not like you haven‘t talked to him alone during his stay in America, but the thought of having to look him in the eyes as you speak has always been something you‘ve struggled with.

Iwaizumi has this certain expression in his beautiful, dark green eyes, which makes it so much harder to not fall for him even more.

You don‘t know if it‘s the confidence and lack of insecurity or the mixture of softness and home which have the butterflies in your stomach go absolutely crazy.

Neither of you say anything for a good minute, your eyes glued to your phone screen which continuously lights up; Oikawa‘s name appearing several times.

You excuse yourself to give the professional athlete the responses he‘s waiting for, rolling your eyes at his way of telling you to shoot your shot at Iwa and “get that D”.

“Are you still talking to that one guy you told me about?”, Iwaizumi suddenly says, his eyes never once leaving yours and with a soft chuckle, you shake your head; enjoying the amount of protectiveness dripping from his words.

“We fucked and then he ghosted me”, you say casually, not realizing that it‘s not one of the other two boys you‘re talking to and with a soft gasp of embarrassment you try to mumble your way out of the situation.

“Iwa, I‘m-”, “Why the fuck would he even do that? Give me his fucking address so I can introduve his kneecaps to my baseball bat”, he‘s quick to interrupt you harshly, his tone filled with anger as his eyes gleam with wrath.

“It‘s okay”, you smile softly, placing your hand on his balled fists to calm him down again, “he told me not to tell anyone that we did it so his intentions have never been good. And on top of that – his dick game was so bad, I didn‘t even get to finish but had to take care of it myself, so it‘s definitely not worth the headache.”

You watch Iwaizumi‘s expression darken even further, his beautiful dark green eyes roaming your face with irritation oozing from his gaze and for a second you like to believe that there‘s even a hint of jealousy in between all those intense emotions but just as usual you find yourself shaking it off rather quickly.

“Why did he ask you not to tell anyone? What the fuck is even wrong with that guy?”, the brunette spits, downing the rest of his beer in one go.

You know why he‘s this angry and at this point you can’t even blame him anymore. Iwaizumi has never really understood why you put up with guys who treated you like absolute shit; continuously telling you how you deserved so much better and even though you wanted to agree, you simply couldn‘t. Because in your head, all those men who were ashamed of being with you yet still found their way to your door were exactly what was meant to be your life.

“Because being with a woman like me isn‘t anything he‘s proud of, Iwa”, you sigh, the words heavy and bitter on your tongue as you struggle to voice the hard reality.

“A woman like you?”, he replies and you see the genuine confusion on his handsome face, making his oblivion sweet almost.

“A big woman, Iwaizumi. Guys don‘t date big girls because we don‘t fit into society‘s beauty standards so being with us is something they‘re ashamed of because God forbid someone thinks they find us attractive“, you nervously play with the hem of your skirt, not having the courage to look into his face as those thing leave your lips, too embarrassed to meet his usually so welcoming and soft, but now wrath-filled gaze.

“That‘s bullshit”, Hajime is quick to spit back, hating the way you belittle yourself like that because of a random guy.

You smile, a soft scoff falling past your lips before you take a sip from the glass in front of you and even though you know you‘re going to regret those words, you still can‘t get yourself to stop from leaving you.

“Then why have you never dated a big girl, Haji?”, your voice is slightly shaky yet you remain the eye contact like a champion, never once averting your gaze from his handsome face even though the thrumming of your heart in your throat makes it so much more difficult to stay focused.

Iwaizumi seems taken aback; your words obviously hitting a place he wasn‘t expecting and that‘s when the feeling of guilt reaches its peak.

“I‘m not- It‘s not because I don‘t find them attractive I just- I uhm-”, the freshly majored professional trainer stumbles over his words like a two-year-old who just started learning how to speak and at the sight of a deep blush covering the apples of his cheeks as well as the tip of his nose and the whole of his neck, you let out a soft sigh.

“You don‘t have to explain yourself, Iwaizumi. I wasn‘t trying to accuse you of anything or offend you in any way, I promise. It’s just a topic I‘ve grown really tired of in the past few years”, you explain, making sure to choose your words carefully and when the tall male suddenly starts calming down again, you know you‘ve got him.

“Y/N, look-”, “Hey, Y/N the weak-dick-game guy is sitting at the bar with his ugly friends, just for your information”, Matsukawa‘s deep voice quickly cuts Iwaizumi off, his words sending shivers down your spine in the most disgusting way possible and with an almost painful roll of your eyes, you down the rest of your best friend‘s beer.

“Wait- What? Which one is it?”, Iwaizumi grunts, the calmness from a few seconds ago completely gone as you look at him with brows furrowed in slight irritation and annoyance.

“It doesn‘t matter, Iwa”, you say and wrap your fingers around his tattooed wrist, making him look into your eyes with another soft exhale, “he‘s not worth it. Just let it go.”

“Y/N, I said”, Iwaizumi is quick to place one of his big hands on your cheek, the dominance in his aura and the authority gleaming in his eyes has you gasping for air and just as usual you feel your panties growing wetter by the minute, “which one is it?”

His words don‘t leave room for protest; so strict and demanding, no matter how hard you try to think rationally, his naturally dominant persona has you submitting to him in a way no other guy has ever managed to.

“T-The one with the long, dark purple Hair”, you quickly reply, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth at the sight of Iwaizumi‘s anger and determination.

“Good girl”, he mumbles and pulls away, not even aware of the way his praise has your cunt throbbing like crazy and you absolutely hate him for it.

For a second you can‘t even get back to reality, the haze of arousal and longing for the tall male standing in front of you completely taking over your consciousness.

However, as soon as your brain registers Makki‘s panicked voice, you‘re quick to snap back and without missing another beat, you grab Iwaizumi‘s arm and look at him with pleading eyes.

“Please don‘t make a scene”, you whisper, knowing oh too well how much he loves to get himself in trouble because of his friends.

“He fucked then ghosted you all that while saying he doesn‘t want anyone to know he was with you because you're a big girl? That ugly fucker needs a fucking reality check because he can count himself hella fucking lucky to ever get a go with a woman as amazing and hot as you”, Iwaizumi hisses, his words filled with anger yet so, so sweet that without giving it another thought, you simply let go and try not to show him just how flustered he‘s gotten you.

“Are you guys about to kiss right now?”, Matsukawa suddenly says and with an almost audible roll of your eyes you lift your hand up, showing him your middle finger before you watch Iwaizumi‘s brows furrow even further with visible irritation.

“Then don‘t fight him”, you sigh, “please, Hajime, don‘t get yourself in trouble for a guy who‘s not worth it.”

“We‘ll see about it”, is all he says before he moves out of your tight grip, leaving you to stand at the table like that.

You feel your heart picking up its pace at the sight of the love of your life approaching your ex-hook up; several worst case scenarios popping up in your head within a few short seconds. And unfortunately every single one ends with Hajime throwing his fist into the guy‘s face because of his raging anger issues; something he‘s been trying to handle throughout his whole life.

“Makki, please do something”, you whimper and look at the strawberryblonde with glossy eyes; shivers running down your spine at the sudden sound of Hajime's deep voice cutting through the music of the bar.

“Not into you my fucking ass”, Takahiro hisses and follows Iwaizumi with quick steps, whereas Matsukawa remains next to you, watching the scene unfold with the fattest, shit eating grin on his face.

And while you‘re worried about Iwaizumi‘s well-being, said male can‘t even seem to think straight. The only thing he manages to focus on is the raging anger and hot wrath rushing through his veins at the thought of some random, small dicked guy treating you like dirt. With every step he takes, it seems to get worse and at some point the professional trainer is worried about his physical health because of the pace his heart is hammering against his rib cage with.

Iwaizumi has always struggled to understand why you put up with males who are literally unworthy of your presence yet every time he had asked, you simply shrugged and told him that this was how you were meant to be loved. Behind closed doors, hidden away from the world by people who literally worship the society‘s beauty standard.

And all of that when you‘ve had him right in front of you for all those years, ready to love and worship every bit of your body and soul.

Of course for you to let him love you he might have had to tell you about his feelings but as the years passed by, Iwaizumi slowly started to lose every bit of hope he had left. During his four year long absence you‘ve had your fair share of boyfriends and after the third one, the only choice he had left was to force himself to move on or else he would have lost his mind.

It‘s not like he never wanted to confess during High School but there was just something holding him back. The thought of losing you was heavy on his chest especially because Iwaizumi was very well aware you didn‘t feel the same. So for his own sake he chose not to tell you about his feelings for you; not even bearing the mental image of going through such rough times without you by his side.

He‘s already lost count of the amount of times he wanted to scream at you about how he would treat you just how you truly deserved to be treated and not like those douchebags who liked to use you for their own pleasure just to throw you away like a used tissue once they were done.

And after not being able to physically do anything for you because of the distance, he‘s finally got the chance to show you that no, those guys‘ behavior is not okay and yes, putting them back into their place is absolutely worth the headache.

“Hey”, the trainer hisses, coming to stand directly in front of the tall, purple haired guy, Rin Matsuoka, who‘s quick to harden his expression upon seeing the brunette.

“What can I help you with, big guy?”, Rin mumbles, placing his bottle of beer on the counter with his brows raised in curiosity.

Iwaizumi doesn‘t even waste another minute as he harshly grabs the collar of Rin‘sblack leather jacket, pulling him closer to himself. His friends rather quickly, yet Hanamaki and this time even Matsukawa are faster, coming to stand right next to each one of them with their arms firmly placed in front of their bodies to stop them from intervening.

“You‘re gonna listen to me and you‘re gonna listen good, did you fucking hear me?”, and just like a few minutes ago, Hajime‘s voice is cold and distant, not leaving room for discussion all while making sure to keep his tight grip.

The confusion and immense irritation is clearly visible on Rin‘s features; brows furrowed, jaw tensed and eyes gleaming with some kind of unnameable anger.

And the longer you watch the situation unfold, the heavier the anxiety in your system becomes and as you struggle to take proper breaths, you find yourself approaching your best friends; not wanting him to get his hands dirty on a guy like Matsuoka.

“What the-”, “Iwa please, he‘s not worth it..”, you say and wrap your fingers around his wrist, trying to find his gaze with desperate eyes only for him to gulp harshly and calmly tell you to take a step back.

“You?”, Rin spits, his dark eyes boring into your side as you try to ignore him; the amount of humiliation and shame washing over your body way too overwhelming to handle.

“Haji, let‘s just go, please”, you whisper, taking his face into your hands, his skin literally burning underneath your fingertips.

“No, Y/N, this stupid bastard has to understand that you can‘t just go and treat women like absolute dirt and get away with it”, Iwaizumi moves out of your soft touch, making Rin shift his attention back on you before the deep voice of one of his friends cuts through the tension.

“What the fuck is he talking about, Rin? Do you know her?”, the blonde says, his tone rather degrading when talking about you and at the way his eyes roam your body with a rather opposed expression show you exactly why that‘s the case.

“N-No, I don‘t!”, he‘s quick to defend himself, his eyes shifting to his friends with sheer panic filling the dark color and you feel your heart sink and the disgusting feeling of shame rushing through your veins.

“You‘re such a fucking piece of shit, Rin”, you hiss and swallow your tears; the taste bitter as the realization of being sometjing to be ashamed of hits you yet again.

“You definitely weren‘t acting like this when you fucked me”, you add and roll your eyes, taking a step back as the anger overcomes you and you basically give Iwaizumi a silent free pass to do whatever the hell he needs to, “or better said – when you tried to. It wasn‘t like I came with your weak dick game anyway so..”

“You fucked that fat bitch? Oh, yikes”, the other friend suddenly says, his words hitting you in the face like literal bricks and before you can even take your next breath or shift your eyes to the face the voice belongs to, the guy suddenly falls to the floor, holding his bloody nose.

You let out a shocked gasp, your eyes falling to Hanamaki who‘s busy shaking his hand, his knuckles already reddened and slightly bruised as he looks at you with a satisfied grin, “no one gets to call my best friend a bitch.”

“I was full on drunk and- do you really think I‘d fuck her sober?”, Rin tries to talk himself out of it and with a cold chuckle you throw your head back.

“How the fuck dare you talk to her like that”, is the last thing Iwaizumi spits before he throws his fist right into Rin‘s face with a deep grunt.

Another loud shriek escapes your lips and suddenly the anger and anxiety seem to leave your body and a huge wave of adrenaline hits you at the sight of your ex-hook up falling to the floor and Iwaizumi quickly moving with him.

For what feels like a whole hour but is probably nothing longer than a minute, you‘re literally frozen; your eyes the only moving part of your body as you watch your best friends break their knuckles on the jaws of literal strangers to them.

The following hour passes by in a blur. You can‘t really remember how or who separated them from those guys, or how you got yourself to call an uber and manage to get the four of you to your flat.

By the time the adrenaline stops making the blood rush in your ear, you‘re taking care of Matsukawa‘s wounds with shaky hands; the two others holding ice packs to their faces to ease the swelling of their bruises.

“Stop sighing so much”, Iwaizumi suddenly says, his dark eyes focusing the movements of your hands before he looks at you with a slightly softer expression, “we did what we had to do. And I‘m glad we did it. Those guys already looked so fucking punchable”, he explains and with a scolding scoff you press your lips to a thin line.

“You‘re back in Japan for how long? Two days? Yet already got yourself in trouble, a physical fight at that, Hajime. You‘re not your High School self anymore, start behaving that way, please”, you reply and hand Mattsun a plastic bag filled with ice cubes, softly caressing his bruised cheek before you stand up from your place on the floor.

“You got yourself one hell of a mouth while I was gone, huh?”, he replies cockily, poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue before he follows you into the bathroom.

You feel your body heating up at his words, the sexual tension laying underneath the surface slowly finding its way to you again and with a soft sigh, you ignore the brunette.

“How was I supposed to let him say all those things to you and not do anything, Y/N?”, Iwaizumi replies, a pouty word of gratitude leaving his lips when you take his big hand into yours and start cleaning up the blood on his bruised knuckles.

You try your best to stop your thoughts from wandering to sinful places yet images of those pretty, tattooed fingers wrapped around your throat and knuckle deep buried inside of your cunt have already filled your mind by the time you lower your gaze from his face.

“I‘m used to-”, “That does not make it okay, Y/N”, your best friend suddenly says, taking your chin in between his fingers to lift your head and look at you with those beautiful, dark green eyes.

“You deserve so, so much better and I‘m glad I can finally tell you this in person after all those years. Please stop letting douches like him take advantage of you”, he sighs, taking your hands into his and pulling you a little bit closer to himself.

“It‘s that or Matsukawa‘s cock and I‘d rather have a stranger emotionally pain me than my best friend, so-”, “What? What the fuck are you talking about?”, Iwaizumi interrupts you harshly, your words obviously irritating him.

“After my last boyfriend dumped me a year ago I‘ve only had casual flings because I got tired of using my hand to get off and Matsukawa offered to take care of it instead. But then again, it‘s just a lot less complicated with a stranger than it is with your best friend, that‘s why I‘m putting up with shit like this”, you explain to him and walk back into the living room where Mattsun and Makki are currently busy with your leftover take out from the previous night.

“So if it wasn‘t for that, you‘d let him fuck you?”, Iwaizumi‘s tone has turned cold again, the softness gone and replaced by something a little thicker and more intense than anger. And when you turn around to look at him, you see literal jealousy gleaming in the green color surrounding his iris, basically leaving you speechless.

“Why do you even care, Iwa?”, you reply, dramatically throwing your hands into the air as his tensed demeanor sends you in some kind of haze of irritation.

“Answer my fucking question, Y/N”, is all you get in response; the brunette closing the distance between the two of you with a few small steps and it‘s the lack of space between your faces that has you realizing just how unevenly he‘s breathing.

Your heart starts slamming against your rib cage with rather brutal pace, your head spinning from the sudden adrenaline shooting through your body and on top of all of it you feel your cunt clenching around nothing like crazy as Iwaizumi’s heavy scent fills your nose.

“Yes”, you say and feel your voice breaking, “yes, I would fuck Matsukawa because why not? Hm, Iwaizumi? There‘s nothing else stopping me from it other than-”, “You can‘t and won‘t fuck him”, he suddenly interrupts your outburst, his expression as dark as ever as he softly pushes you against wall.

“I think this is the moment where we‘re supposed to leave”, Makki mumbles, pulling Mattsun from the couch before they gather their things and leave the two of you to yourself.

As the silence surrounds the two of you, the tension grows even thicker, heavier, more present than before and with every breath you take you feel yourself growing more and more aroused.

“And why is that, hm? I can and will fuck whoever I want”, you spit back, trying so hard ot not let the arousal get to your head yet the disgusting urge to submit to Iwaizumi‘s naturally dominant personality slowly starts overwhelming you.

Hajime chuckles deeply, his eyes lazily roaming your face, pressing his strong body even further against yours as your head starts spinning more and more with every second passing by.

“Iwa…”, you whimper softly, throwing your head back and harshly digging gripping the soft fabric of his shirt; the close contact makes you a lot more nervous than before.

He slowly takes a deep breath before he bends down to let his nose graze your jawline, and eventually letting his mouth find its way to your ear.

“Because no one can fuck you like I can, pretty one”, Iwaizumi whispers, his voice a whole octave deeper than just a few seconds before and you hate the way every single one of his words sends a single, hot jolt of arousal right into your core.

“And”, you hear him inhale sharply, his hands finding their way to your hips, groping the soft flesh firmly in his palms before he takes a short break and then pulls away to look at you again, “no one can love you like I can.”

At the sound of those words, your eyes snap open within a second your heart skips a literal beat.

“W-What?”, you whisper, your throat completely dried up, your head desperately trying to process what he’s just said and just as your body is about to fall into some kind of haze, you feel yourself drowning in a wave of anxiety at the thought of having misheard him.

“I love you, Y/N”, Iwaizumi says just when those thoughts are about to take over you.

“Ha-Hajime…”, you mumble; your bottom lip starts to quiver as tears pricker at the corners of your eyes, the first few finding their way down your cheek in an instant.

A few seconds of silence pass in which you two just look at each other, Iwaizumi’s pupils blown out, cheeks tinted in the deepest shade of red and plump lips parted as he also tries to understand what just happened.

After all these years of imagining what it might be like to hear these kind of words from the love of your life, it’s finally become reality and the longer you look at him, the lighter the weight on your chest becomes.

“I’m sorry if I ruined our friendship with this but I just – couldn’t keep it to myself any longer. When I was in America I had promised myself to confess as soon as possible when I’m back so here I am. Those men don’t deserve you. Neither do I but I would have hated myself forever if I didn’t at least try. So”, he finishes his sudden explanation with another deep exhale before he takes a step back, his glossy eyes wandering from yours down to the floor, “thank you for everything and please take care.”

And fortunately your body acts a lot faster than your mind because while you still try to process his soft, sweet words – the words you’ve been dying to hear for so, so long – you find yourself tightening your grip on his shirt and pulling him back into you with a soft sob.

“I love you, too”, you whisper against his lips, pressing your forehead against his as your eyes flutter shut at the overwhelming warmth coming from his body.

“Fuck, baby”, Iwaizumi chuckles breathlessly, wrapping his arms around your body and burying his face in the crook of your neck, “I’m one lucky bastard, aren’t I?”

You smile brightly at his genuine and soft words, the feeling of coming home – a place you’ve longed for literal years – slowly breaks down onto you in the form of waves and for the first time in a really long time, you don’t mind being overwhelmed like that.

“So that means that you’re mine now?”, Iwaizumi whispers, pulling away and taking your face into his big hands, the smell of blood grazing your nose yet easily gets overshadowed by the way he’s looking at you as if you were holding the whole world in your hands.

You nod and move further into his touch, enjoying the feeling of being so safe and secure in one’s hands after not even feeling comfortable with anyone in years.

“T-Thank you for loving me, Iwa”, you gulp harshly, looking at him with teary eyes at the memory of all those who had managed to break your heart in the past years.

“No, baby”, he sighs, pressing the softest kiss right onto your lips, “thank you for letting me love you. When I say you’re literally everything I’ve ever dreamed of, I’m not even exaggerating because that’s what you are to me. A dream come true”, those are the last words Hajime mumbles before he pulls you into a proper kiss; not giving you the opportunity to reply.

The kiss starts off slow and calm. As if both of you were still trying to understand that this was actually happening because despite the hesitant movements, neither of you can hide the intense hunger lingering underneath every soft peck.

Iwaizumi, just as usual, lacks the patience to keep it going like that, not even trying to take it easier for even longer as he pulls your chin down and calmly pushes his tongue into your mouth, easily eliciting a soft moan from you. Your fingers find home in his brown curls, pulling at the thick strands and finally making him grunt right against your tongue; the deep sound sending vibrations and sweet little jolts of excitement through your whole body.

You slowly feel his hands wander; first starting off caressing your back, groping the soft flesh of your waist as well as the fingers of his right hand softly digging into your skin and for a second. You allow yourself to fall deeper and deeper into the perfect feeling of his touch until suddenly a mental image of his most recent ex-girlfriend pops up in your head and you stop functioning completely.

Iwaizumi lets his lips wander down your chin, placing a row of open mouthed kisses on your jaw before he moves to your neck and pulls the sensitive skin into his mouth without wasting another minute. The feeling of his hot tongue on your skin has your eyes rolling into the back of your head as you desperately try to distract yourself from your anxiety‘s attempt to ruin this for you.

You let out a soft whimper when Hajime wraps one of his big hands around one of your tits, harshly groping the flesh while rubbing his hard, clothed cock against your thick thigh.

His deep grunts and needy touches have you ruining your panties in no time to the point where the lacey fabric is literally sticking to your hot flesh in a rather uncomfortable way.

“Need you, baby”, Iwaizumi grunts, the movements of his hips rather sloppy and rushed yet so, so genuine and sweet, you can‘t help but smile softly.

“You got me, Haji”, you reply and take his handsome face into your hands, caressing his cheeks with your thumbs, “I‘m all yours.”

“Fuck, baby”, he moans and suddenly pulls away, his hands finding their way to the hem of your dress before he meets your eyes and wordlessly asks for your consent.

You give him a quick nod, pushing the voice of your anxiety all the way to the back of your head as Hajime slowly pushes the fabric up your thighs, revealing more and more skin before his eyes roll into the back of his eyes at the sight of your black lace panties.

He doesn‘t waste much time; quickly pulling the rest of it over your head and then taking a whole step back to let his greedy eyes roam your body with lust and nothing but adoration.

And when you realize your current, exposed state you take a deep breath to hold those insecurities back, however they‘re a lot faster than you are.

You nervously try to cover your naked body with your arms. Just the thought of him finding you and your body disgusting breaks your heart into pieces and with shivers of shame rushing down your spine, you lower your gaze.

“L-Look, I know it‘s not what you‘re used to and I- you don‘t have to touch me. I can just suck your cock or give you a handjob if you feel more comfortable that way”, you say, your voice a mere whisper and eventually breaking at the end when you give in to the tears.

“Baby…”, Iwaizumi sighs, pain evident in the tone of his voice. He calmly takes your wrists into his big hands before he pulls your arms away from your body, softly asking you to look at him and after what feels like an eternity, you manage to lift your head only to be met with nothing but warm, dark green eyes.

“You‘re fucking perfect”, he whispers and places a tiny little kiss on your lips, leaving you longing for more as he pulls away right afterwards, “there‘s literally nothing I would change about you.”

At the sound of those sweet words, you simply cannot hold back your tears any longer. You look at Iwaizumi with a quivering bottom lip as you let out a row of soft sobs; digging your nails into the skin of his wrists because you simply don‘t know what else to do.

For the first time in your life, your brain isn‘t protesting against a compliment and you know if it wasn‘t for him, there would be no way you‘d believe it.

“B-But your ex-girlfriends are the exact opposite and-”, “They don‘t matter, baby. You‘re you and it‘s all I could have asked for. I‘m in love with every part of your body and that has never been any different”, Iwaizumi interrupts you with his calm voice, placing his hands on your waist before one of them finds its way to your barely clothed ass.

“But-”, “No more buts”, the brunette says, a lot sterner and more determined, groping the flesh of your ass and then landing a firm spank on the soft flesh which has you whimpering into the crook of his neck.

Iwaizumi chuckles and pulls you into another deep kiss, sucking at your tongue, nibbling on your bottom lip all while his hands make sure to graze every bit of naked skin they can find. He pushes his leg in between your thighs, pressing it right against your cunt and without even wasting another second you find yourself grinding against the strong muscle. The fabric of his jeans rubs your throbbing clit in the best way possible, eliciting a row of needy whimpers from you.

You feel yourself soaking through the fabric of our lace panties and you know you‘re currently leaving a huge stain on Iwaizumi‘s pants but the pleasure clouding your mind makes it so easy to just ignore it.

“What a needy girl you are, baby”, Hajime mumbles, caressing the slightly dampened skin of cheeks with his thumb before he moves to graze your bottom lip and eventually pushes the digit into your open mouth.

Your lids fly open at the taste of his skin on your tongue, twirling the muscle around his thumb and then sucking on it softly, followed by some muffled moans of his name.

Iwaizumi watches you attentively for what feels like an eternity. His beautiful eyes wandering from the way you‘re rubbing your clunt against his clothed thigh to your perky nipples and then up to the way your lips look wrapped around his thumb like that and from the way his expression keeps growing darker and even hungrier, you know he‘s more than just enjoying your despair.

“I want to spit in your mouth”, he says, using the dominant tone you‘re oh so used to at this point and there‘s no way you‘d ever say no to him.

Something about being claimed in such a lewd way by the man you‘ve been dreaming of for years has you grinding your pussy into his thigh even harder; making sure to hit your clit with every rushed drag of your hips.

“Yes, p-please, Daddy”, you beg, not even overthinking any of your words as you part your lips and look at him with big, needy eyes.

When you notice the rather shocked and slightly overwhelmed expression on Iwaizumi‘s face, you gulp harshly, tilting your head to the side with your lips pushed into a concerned pout.

“What‘s wrong, Iwa?”, you whisper, way too scared of his response.

“You called me Daddy”, he replies and licks his plump lips, whereas you freeze completely at his comment.

“D-Did I? I‘m so sorry, Iwa”, the apology falls past your lips almost instantly at the realization because you know that not every guy is comfortable with such dynamic and even if Hajime definitely has a natural dominance to his personality, you should have waited a little longer before bringing this particular kink up.

“None of my boyfriends liked it and I don‘t like using it with completely strangers so I g-guess I just feel really safe with you and it slipped and I- oh, God, I‘m so sorry.”

You pull away from Iwaizumi with shaky hands, tears threatening to spill for the nth time within such a short period and you try your best to look everywhere but his eyes.

However, Iwaizumis seems to have other plans.

He takes your chin into his hand and pulls your face closer, nudges your nose with his own and then sucks your bottom lip into his mouth; making you whimper rather loudly.

“Say it again, baby”, he whispers, “tell Daddy how badly you want his spit.”

As his words echo inside of your brain, you let out a loud, high pitched whine, harshly trying to press your thigh further together ss the throbbing of your cunt becomes unbearable.

“Please, Daddy”, you reply, pushing his hand down to your neck and smiling softly when he wraps his pretty fingers around your throat, feeding right into every single fantasy you‘ve been imagining for so long, “spit in my mouth and on my cunt, I don‘t care. I just need it.”

“Good girl”, Iwa growls softly, “open up then, pretty one.”

You part your lips almost automatically at the sound of his demand, sticking your tongue out slightly and looking up at him with anticipation and such eagerness, if it wasn‘t for him, you would have never been as comfortable as this.

Iwaizumi smirks at you, keeping his grip on your throat firm but not too tight as he gathers his own saliva and spits into your mouth with a loud, lewd sound that sends shivers of pleasure straight down your spine and right into your core.

You can‘t stop your lips from stretching into a big smile when his taste coats the muscle of your tongue, swallowing it all in one go before you open your mouth yet again to show him it‘s all gone.

“Good fucking girl”, Iwaizumi praises you softly, caressing your cheek before he lets fo of your throat, “I got myself a perfect little doll, hm?”

“Thank you, Daddy”, you reply quickly, the intense urge to obey to his every word and submit to his every move absolutely overwhelming at this point, but you would never want it any other way.

“Look at you, using your manners for me. You‘re welcome, princess. What about a little reward for being so good for me, baby? Wanna sit on my face so I can eat that pretty pussy of yours?”, Iwaizumi takes you hand into his, intertwining his fingers with yours before he guides you to the couch, letting himself fall into the soft cushion whereas you try your best not to panic at his words.

Of course the thought of having his mouth on your cunt is more than just tempting but you've never sat on a guy‘s face before; the fear of literally suffocating him with your weight making it impossible for you to even think about it.

“C-Can‘t you just eat me out like this, Daddy?”, you whisper, looking down to meet Iwa‘s hungry gaze and stopping him from pulling your panties any further down your thighs.

“I‘m too heavy”, the explanation follows right away, not wanting him to think it has anything to do with him or his wishes, “I don‘t want to hurt you.”

“Baby, I want you to sit on my face so I can eat your pretty pussy. That‘s it”, Iwaizumi says, his right hand finding the clasp of your bra and quickly getting rid of it before he takes both of your tits into his big hands; toying with your nipples and attentively watching the way your gasps grow louder with every pull on the perky buds, “you don‘t have to if you don‘t want to but don‘t you dare worry about me because this has been a dream of mine for literal years. Oh, how badly I want to be squished by those pretty, thick thighs of yours – you have no idea.”

“I want to! It’s just that I’ve never done this before. A-Are you sure? Please don‘t think you have to want this to make me feel better, I‘m okay with whatever you‘re comfortable with”, you whisper, not trusting your voice when you suddenly feel Iwaizumi‘s fingers tracing patterns on the inside of your thighs.

“Enough of this, pretty one”, his words are accompanied by a firm spank on your naked ass cheek; the pain of the sting leaving your pussy a spasming mess and with a soft moan you tighten your grip in his hair, “now sit on my face or I won’t fuck you.”

“N-No! Daddy, I‘m sorry, I promise I‘ll be good”, you whine quickly letting go of him so he can lay on his back only for Iwaizumi to get rid of his black shirt; revealing his strong, well trained body and all those dark lines adorning his tanned skin to your hungry eyes.

It takes you a few good seconds to gain enough confidence to actually spread your legs over his face, your whole body shaking with nervousness. But once Iwaizumi wraps his strong arms around your thighs and pulls your body even further down to his face, you slowly start easing up.

The feeling of his hot breath fanning against the wet flesh of your cunt sends goosebumps down your back. And the sight of his pretty face between your thick thighs, something you‘ve always been so insecure about, seems to slowly take a place as one of your favorite images to ever exist.

“Look me in the eyes, baby”, Iwaizumi mumbles and sucks at the skin of your inner thigh, his tongue on your skin making more and more juices gush out of your already drenched cunt as you allow yourself to meet his hungry gaze.

And just when your eyes meet, Iwaizumi sticks his tongue out and licks a long stripe over the hor flesh of your pussy before he gently pulls your little clit into his mouth and starts sucking on it.

You let out a loud groan; the sudden stimulation on your needy clit sending literal shock waves of pleasure through your body and without even realizing you slowly grind yourself further against his mouth.

Iwaizumi moans into your flesh, the deep bass of his voice sending vibrations right into your core, making your cunt clench even harder around nothing and if it wasn‘t for the intensity of his stare, you would have looked away already. Yet just as usual, there‘s something about the way he looks at you which has you feeling at literal ease – even in such a situation.

“Come on, baby”, Iwaizumi suddenly grunts, letting go of the sensitive bud with a loud sound before placing an open mouthed kiss on your clit and landing a harsh spank on your ash which has your body jolting in antica, “don’t be shy now. Ride my face like the good girl you are, make me proud…”, he adds softly, his words encouraging you easily and with a sound of affirmation, you start grinding your hips to meet the hot muscle of his tongue.

The following minutes are filled with loud slurping noises, high pitched moans and deep grunts as well as more words of affirmation and encouragement all while Iwaizumi continues to switch between thrusting his tongue into your tight hole and sucking on your clit before he eventually starts fingerfucking you with two of his thick digits.

You can't help but throw your head back at the immense amount of pleasure; your body and mind slowly reaching a point of complete haze as you lose yourself in the feeling of his touch.

And by the time you finally feel the taste of your high coating the tip of your tongue, your grip on Iwaizumi‘s hair tightens and a row of loud, choked out begs fall past your bit swollen lips.

“Look at your greedy little pussy clenching around my fingers like that”, Iwa chuckles deeply, picking up the pace of his thrusts as he keeps his mouth way too close to your throbbing little clit, “and those pretty begs. Gosh, baby, you‘re going to drive me insane.”

“S-So close, Daddy”, you choke out, your eyes flying open when you feel a third finger joining the two inside of your tight cunt, the pain of the stretch in combination with the pleasure of your upcoming high making your head spin.

“There we go, that‘s my baby”, he takes a deep breath and starts kneading the soft flesh of your ass in his palms, “want you to cum all over my fucking face. Show me what a good fucking girl you are.”

And those are the last words your brain manages to register before you feel the first wave of your orgasm hit you. Your sight turns pitch black and then white for a good second, your whole body tensing up at the feeling of coil in your core finally snapping.

Your thighs are shaking, your breath continuously hitching as you desperately try to regain your composure and if it wasn‘t for Iwaizumi‘s touch on your sensitive pussy, you‘d stay in the beautiful haze of your orgasm.

“You came so hard for me, baby”, Iwaizumi grins and pushes his fingers into his mouth before you finally find enough energy to get off of his face.

“W-Want more”, you whisper, your voice raspy and breathy as you tell him your request; low-key scared of being too greedy yet at the sight of Iwaizumi‘s eyes sparkling with excitement, you know he‘s not one to deny you anything. He‘s never been, after all.

“How about we move this to your bedroom, baby? I‘ve been dying to press your face into the mattress and ruin that little pussy of yours.” You feel a jolt of excitement blooming inside your chest at his words, nodding eagerly before you reach for his hand and guide him down the hall to your bedroom.

“Do you want me to suck you off?”, you say when the two of you come to stand in your room, your eyes focusing on the huge bulge in his pants, which manages to scare you slightly with its impressive size.

You always knew your best friend wasn‘t on the smaller side when it came to size yet you still can‘t hide just how surprised you are by its actual size. And suddenly the three fingers make a lot more sense to you.

“Let‘s save that for another time, pretty one. I‘ve been dreaming about pumping your cute little hole full of my cum for way too long. I can‘t wait any longer”, Iwaizumi replies and finally starts unbuckling his belt.

You take the few seconds he‘s busy to let your eyes admire the beauty of his perfectly sculpted body. You follow the dark lines of his chest tattoo, take in the sight of his stone hard abs and veiny arms as you press your thighs even more together to ease some of the pressure on your cunt.

“Are you done eyefucking me, pretty one?”, Iwaizumi suddenly chuckles, casually pushing his jeans as well as his boxer briefs down his meaty thighs and exposing his hard cock for your hungry eyes to devour.

He wraps his pretty fingers around his throbbing length, the tip an angry shade of red as precum continues to leak out; making your mouth water at the mere thought of having him in your mouth.

“Everything about you is so pretty”, you sigh and look into his eyes, the genuine appreciation in the green surrounding his iris making your heart grow warmer before he comes to stand in front of you in all of his glory.

“I love you so much”, Iwaizumi replies calmly, taking your face into his big hands before he places the softest kiss on your forehead.

“I love you, too”, you mumble and get up, pressing your lips against his and sighing into his mouth when he pushes his tongue past your lips without missing a beat.

Just when Iwaizumi starts letting his hands wander over your naked body, he halts his movements and pulls away slightly, “my pretty little baby, make sure to face the mirror so you can watch while I fuck your brains out. I want you to see just how perfect you are.”

“Yes, Daddy”, you whisper, your lips stretched into a big, big smile as you move out of his strong grip to position yours on your knees just as you were told.

Your heart suddenly starts racing again when you bury your face in your arms, making sure to push your ass as high as possible to give Iwaizumi easy access to your glistening cut. The excitement in combination with the pleasure and deep, deep longing finally manage to take over your brain; shoving the anxiety alongside all those insecurities to the very back of your head and making it easy for you to put your whole focus on the tll male behind you.

Iwaizumi’s rough hands caress your bare ass softly, kneading the flesh and lightly spanking it a few times before he lets a thick drop of his spit fall right onto your clenching pussy; sending goosebumps down your back at the feeling of it sliding down your flesh and mixing with your leaking juices.

You feel the tip of his thick cock nudging your entrance, the memory of his size making you tense up subconsciously and just when you’re about to hold your breath, Iwaizumi’s deep, calming voice echoes through the silence of your room.

“Take a deep breath, baby”, he whispers, knowing you’re going to follow his orders just like the good girl you love to be, “Daddy’s got you, okay? I’m gonna go easy, I promise.”

You lift your head to meet his comforting gaze through the mirror in front of you and without another beat passing, you feel yourself calming down again; the feeling of being absolutely safe and secure in his hand making it the easiest task.

And when Iwaizumi feels the tension in your body easing up, he lines himself up with your entrance and slowly pushes his thick tip into your tight hole. You whimper at the delicious stretch, the pain easily overshadowed by the sound of Iwaizumi’s heavy breathing and little moans.

“I’m gonna go all in, baby or else it’s going to hurt a lot more”, you appreciate his warning because as he’s saying it, Iwaizumi thrusts the whole of his impressive length into your spasming cunt; pushing every bit of air out of your lungs and pushing you way too close to your second high of the night. You can’t help but whimper loudly, tears already streaming down your cheeks because of the beautiful feeling of pain and pleasure mixing inside of your veins from the intensity of the stretch.

Iwaizumi, as always the gentleman, gives you all the time you need to adjust to his size; only growing slightly impatient as you still whine softly after two whole minutes yet you’re quick to lift your head again with quivering bottom lip and teary eyes, begging him to just fuck you.

“Please, Daddy”, you sob, moving away from him in a desperate attempt for some kind of friction; your cunt spasming around his thick cock like crazy and you know you’re only a few thrust and some clit stimulation away from your next high, “please, fuck me.”

“My greedy little whore”, Iwaizumi grunts, pulling his cock out of you astonishingly slow with the sole purpose of teasing you, “you’re going to take what Daddy gives you, did you hear me?”

You moan as the feeling of his tip dragging alongside your spongy walls, your eyes rolling into the back of your head only to find your way back to reality with a couple of harsh spanks on your already sore ass.

“Good sluts answer when being talked to, pretty one”, he warns, thrusting his cock back into you with one quick snap of his hips; burying himself balls deep inside of your overly sensitive cunt.

“Yes, Daddy, yes”, you cry and look up at him with glossy eyes, “just please, fuck my stupid little cunt, please.” Iwaizumi lets out a row of deep chuckles followed by raspy groans in response to your perfect answer before he nods at you and mumbles a few soft praises right into your ear and then straightens himself again.

“Alright then, pretty one.”

Loud grunts fill your ears so beautifully, echoing through the thick air of your bedroom and in combination with the sound of skin meeting skin in a constant rhythm, you feel the exact way your body is slowly falling into the beautiful bliss of another high.

Iwaizumi fucks you fast, harsh and rough. There’s nothing soft and romantic about the way his hips are meeting yours in a steady rhythm; making sure to hit that sweet spot deep inside of your pussy with every single one of his thrusts as he continues to use his whole strength on your burning ass.

But not once do you even think about telling him to go easier on you; this iwaizumi the one you’ve been imagining for all those years.

It doesn’t take long for him to wrap his strong arm around your chest to pull you up, his fingers also finding their way back home around your delicate throat.

“Look at you, baby”, he groans right into your ear, making you open your eyes and meet your own reflection in the mirror, “you’re so fucking beautiful, I can’t comprehend it.”

You stare at yourself with your lips parted in awe, eyes falling to the sight of Iwaizumi’s thick cock stretching your tiny cunt before you go back to trying to recognize yourself.

Because for the first time in literal years, you don’t hate what you see and even if it’s because of IWaizumi’s strong body right behind you, you still feel this certain type of warmth blossoming in your chest.

"Feels so good, baby", he groans, throwing his head back as the movements of his hips start to become slightly sloppier, a little more uncontrolled, "so tight and warm, so fucking perfect", Hajime’s voice breaks at the end of his soft praise because of your walls clenching around his cock even more the closer you get to the edge.

You start feeling dizzy, your sight turning into a blurr and at some point you can’t even in- or exhale without letting out a shaky moan.

Iwaizumi looks at you with wide, hungry eyes, the feeling of your walls gripping his cock like a goddamn vice sending him into an ecstatic state and the longer he watches you getting lost in the pleasure, the more he struggles to keep his rhythm.

You’re mumbling incoherent sentences, desperately trying to tell the brunette about how close you are whereas the pleasure makes it absolutely impossible for you to form a proper sentence.

“Are you going to cum for me again, baby?”, Iwaizumi grunts, tightening his grip on your throat, making you gasp for air as you nod in response to his question.

“My perfect little slut”, he sighs, his hand reaching down to rub your hard, throbbing clit with two of his rough digits, “fucking do it. Cum for your Daddy like the good whore you are.”

And just like a few minutes prior, those words are the last straw and eventually make you stumble over the edge head first. Your walls start spasming around Iwa’s cock like crazy, your loud moans and soft cries are the only thing he can focus on and without missing another minute, Iwaizumi also lets himself get consumed by the beautiful feeling of relief.

Iwa hips still, his cock buried deeply inside of your tight sex as he coats your walls with his creamy cum. Your new boyfriend gets lost in the feeling of finally getting to cum inside of you after waiting for so many years; feeding the fantasy of getting to claim you in the most intimate way possible. He buries his face in the sweaty crook of your neck, his rapid breath fanning your skin as the two of you try to calm down from your intense highs. Your hand finds its way into his dark hair, massaging his scalp with your eyes closed and your legs still shaking from the aftermath of your breathtaking orgasm. Without pulling out of you, despite his own release leaking out of you and down the sides of his cock, Iwaizumi makes you lay down with him; just tightly holding you in his arms.

A few minutes filled with nothing but soft breathing pass by before you finally find the strength to move again; the sudden need to look at Iwaizumi’s completely fucked out face overwhelming you in the best way possible. And when you turn around to look at him, you’re met with a breathtaking sight.

Messy strands of sweaty hair falling into his flushed face, swollen lips and glossy eyes sparkling at you in a way you’ve never seen before and in that moment you feel yourself falling in love with Iwaizumi all over again.

“I’m so in love with you”, you whisper and caress the soft skin of his cheeks, loving the way he moves even further into your touch.

“Always and forever only yours, pretty one”, Iwaizumi sighs and presses his forehead against yours.

࿏ A/N: And here it finally is! My first x chubby reader fic!! As a chubby someone who’s been reading fanficion for a long time, I’ve always craved some kind of representation and now I finally got to join this side of the community and I’m more than just happy about the way it turned out. I genuinely hope you guys will enjoy this and find comfort the same way I did while writing this. Please feel free to leave any sort of feedback if you enjoyed it and thank you so much for everything.

#haikyuu smut #Iwaizumi x female reader #Iwaizumi x chubby reader #haikyuu x reader #Iwaizumi smut #iwaizumi hajime #haikyuu!! smut #hq!! smut #hq!! x reader #hq!! x female reader #haikyuu #haikyuu scenarios #kyovtani #💌.chubby reader #💌.for iwa lovers

7K notes · View notes

haztory · 3 years

Note

hi mcdonald’s can i get uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nanami + “nice tits”

“Nice tits.” from my writing event that ends today!

warnings: adult language and sexual themes, but that’s about it!

a/n: 3k words all for sanju that probably strays from the prompts but its fine bc i love you biiiiitch. thanks to everyone that requested a prompt! they will be out momentarily!!

nanami kento x gn!reader

There’s a universal understanding amongst the adults in the general realm of well-formed maturity and a sense of responsibility that there is no situation to ever exist in which listening to Gojo Satoru’s advice is a viable option.

Much less any advice about love.

“You know,” His voice sings to your left, interrupting the tranquil silence of your office by his surprise warping, “If you needed help in satisfying your urges, you only had to ask. Looking at porn during school hours is a bit of a cry for help, (Y/N).”

“Go away, Gojo.” You reply, hardly perturbed at his unannounced visit and continuing the matter at hand. Your index finger continues its motions, pushing the wheel of the mouse downwards and studying the plethora of Google Search images the float past your eyes on your computer monitor.

Gojo leans his elbow on your desk, perching himself on the left side of your body, “Hey, I don’t judge! I’ve done it once or twice myself. I just always pictured you as more of an ass-person.”

Landing on an appropriate image for your task you click it, enlarging it on your screen. Gojo whistles.

“Now that’s just obscene, isn’t it?”

A finger enters your line of sight, pointing itself obnoxiously at the screen, specifically at the rather large pectoral belonging to that of a male model. An image that is necessary for your study of a new cursed technique that you witnessed on your last excursion with Nobara, and not at all the focus of sexual release as Gojo might insist. Even if they are rather admirable in their size.

You would rather die before ever telling him that, though.

“They should really put a warning on those honkers—”

“Is there a reason you’re bothering me?” You ask bluntly, printing the image and retrieving it from the printer tray beside you.

“I just wanted to see what my second favorite teacher was doing, but never did I think I would catch you in the act of making a shrine to tits, so—”

You roll your head to the left, meeting Gojo’s shit-eating grin with a deadpan stare. With a sigh, you shake your head, “I’m studying.”

Even beneath the blindfold, you can see the waggle in his brows as he props his head on the bent elbow. “Oh suuure.”

Huffing impatiently, you swivel your desk chair to face him, placing a singular finger on his chest to push him back from your immediate space. He only continues to grin in his usual unabashed manner, as though he’s caught you red-handed. It makes you roll your eyes once more.

You didn’t need to explain yourself; it wasn’t like you were doing anything immoral. Sure, staring at a number of pectoral muscles might seem inappropriate to the passing eye, but it was easily explainable.

But as it always is with Gojo, he manages to rub that small part of you that just has to fight back. Fuckin’ prick. “We came across a cursed technique two days ago that targeted the chest. It caused—”

Gojo waves his hand in your face, “Seismic tremors in the pectoral muscles that affected a cursed energy point, yeah, yeah. Nobara told me all about it.”

“If you knew what I was doing why are you making me sound like such a creep?!” You exclaim, kicking his chest with the heel of your shoe. He catches your foot with a laugh, dropping it and holding his index finger upward.

“Because it’s fun to tease you.”

Huffing, you turn back to your monitor and point at the door, “Leave.”

“Oh, come onnn,” He warps in front of your computer, leaning himself over the top of the screen, “I’ve brought you a little gift of knowledge to help your studying.”

Even as he desperately tries to insert his gangly arms into your line of vision, you continue typing into the search bar. Some variations of “pectoral”, “muscles”, and “large men”. For research purposes, of course.

“Oh yeah?” You ask noncommittally, knowing full well the manner in which Gojo dangles his plots of mischief disguised as help, “And what would that be?”

Smiling largely once more, he lets out a giggle, “The larger the muscle, the more potent the attack on the cursed energy.”

Sparing him a quick glance, you mumble, “Doesn’t take a genius to figure that out.”

“No, but it does take a genius to figure out how to reverse the effects.”

He stops the statement there; grin audible in his words. After having spent years in the presence of the obnoxious Gojo Satoru, you already know there’s an ulterior motive to his words, something that is going to bite you in the ass rather aggressively.

And as much as you want to avoid being in the line of fire, especially the one directed by him, you’re simultaneously dying to know where this is going.

You hesitate to ask, but it comes out. Dripping in all of its cautiousness. “And?”

“And it also takes a willing participant to study.” His smile, in all impossibility, became even wider.

“I’m still not getting the picture.”

“A participant with rather large pectoral muscles.”

Oh.

Oh no.

“Someone who would willingly participate for the sake of education.”

Of all the people to have figured out about your (not so) little crush on a fellow sorcerer, it had to be the world’s largest idiot and nuisance. You had to end this, now. Before he does something so irrevocably stupid—

“Shall we go ask Nanami?”

And that’s how you find yourself flushed with absolute mortification, gripping your clipboard with tight knuckles against your chest, wondering how you ever managed to forget the utmost important rule when it comes to Gojo Satoru.

Never listen to him, especially on the matter of love.

Maybe that’s indicative of the state of your crush as a whole, something you should probably pay more attention to, seeing as the minute Nanami Kento was mentioned, you’ve forgotten the extent of logic and reason and followed the whims of Gojo without hesitation.

It’s problematic, horrifying, and ultimately a monumental issue at the moment considering your mouth is as dry as a desert and your brain absolute mush, rendering you completely unable to formulate any words.

“Wow, Nanami,” Gojo shamelessly says, one hand shoved in his pocket as he stands beside your frozen figure, “Nice tits.”

Nanami hums unenthusiastically, unbuttoning the last button on his blue shirt and elegantly removing it from his large, muscular frame. Folding it neatly on the expanse of the couch beside him, he turns his stoic gaze back to you, hardly even concerned about his half-nakedness.

Whereas you felt yourself almost drooling at the revealed expanse of firm muscles peppered with sparse hair. The fact that it was that easy to get to see this, to almost be able to touch it—

Maybe listening to Gojo isn’t a bad idea after all.

“Shall we begin?” Nanami asks, pulling his glasses off of his face with his (large) hands and folding them on top of his shirt. A strand of blond falls onto the front of his face and his gaze trails from the impassive stare at Gojo, to you.

And by all that is sweet and holy you swear that you’ve ascended to an ethereal plane and before you sits an angel waiting to take you to the pearly gates. No longer stares a man unamused at the teasing of the white-headed idiot beside you, but instead a celestial being with a body made of pure stone and dare you say, looking at you with a tenderness in his gaze that was absent only a moment before.

An elbow digs into your side, pulling you rather dramatically out of your stupor and towards the smug grin of the man beside you.

“Well?” Gojo asks, “If you’re not going to touch him, I will.”

“Thank you, Gojo, but I can take it from here,” You all but hiss, pushing him once more away from your body, accompanying the action with a pointed glare. Beginning a backward trek towards the door, he holds his hands up in surrender.

“Alright, alright. I can see when I’m not wanted. I’ll be back in half an hour.”

Opening the door and stepping out of it, he halts, turning his head to look over his shoulder and says, voice coated in that familiar tone of teasing, “Remember to use condoms, lovebirds!”

He shuts the door quickly, hardly giving you a chance to spear your ire at his retreating figure, but you have half a mind to chase him down the hall when you hear his echoing laughter ring out.

An awkward silence settles between you and the man of your horrid fascination that not even an uncomfortable laugh can ease. Clearing your throat and trying to remember your sense of professionalism, you straighten your shoulders and take a deep breath, facing the handsome man with a confidence that was growing incredibly difficult to face.

“I’m going to touch you. For research. Your chest, specifically.”

In a move you’ve never quite seen before, Nanami sheds that formidable air of quiet stoicism and lets a small smile grace the features of his face. It gently pushes against the corners of his mouth and his bare shoulders move the slightest bit with the exhalation of his amused breath.

“For the tremors in the pectoralis.” He says, leaning his body to rest against the backing of the couch, straightening his legs wearing their usual tan slacks to rest naturally in the position and hands folding in his lap.

You gulp. “Y-yes.”

“I read your report.”

“You did?”

“I always do,” With his eyes still trained upon yours you can see them widen a bit at the realization of what he’s said as if that were an intimate detail he hadn’t meant to make you aware of. He quickly brings his fist up to his mouth, clearing his throat, “You are one of the few sorcerers here that fill them out correctly. I learn a great deal from your detailing. It’s… very helpful. You’re very thorough.”

Blinking repeatedly, you only nod at the compliment. Despite wanting to combust internally at the growing flames that burn inside of you, you take a step forward. Then another until, in an unforeseen reversal of circumstances, you’re towering over the man of great strength and respect. The man you’ve admired for the longest time.

The man that continues to stare at you with a softness you’ve never seen him reveal before.

You can see the spattering of freckles that have intricately placed themselves over his broad shoulders resembling that of an artistic constellation and the delicious protruding of his biceps, great in mass yet telling of his of strength as your try to conservatively trail your eyes over his torso.

He’s beautiful, incredibly so. Baring himself to you in this way only affirms that.

“Thank you,” you breathe out, and it’s more intimate than you intended it to be, but truthfully, it’s as fitting a phrase as it can be considering the proximity and the intensity behind his stare.

It’s all you can give him without crumbling at his feet. Placing your fingertips against his shoulder, you gently push him back, silently instructing him to lay on the couch. He follows suit like the dutiful sorcerer he is.

“I’ll just be examining the way in which your cursed energy extends from your chest. It shouldn’t hurt, but if you feel uncomfortable, just let me know.”

He hums once more from his supine position on the couch. Despite being much larger than the couch allows, he hardly looks uncomfortable. Only watches the way in which you press your fingers into his chest, pushing into his muscle and slowly massaging your finger in a circle. You circle around the left side, trailing around the outer edge of the muscle and above the rib cage, stopping and pressing rather firmly when you feel a surge in an energy presence beneath the skin. Almost on the center of his chest.

You snort a quiet laugh when you realize where it is.

“Should I be worried?” His deep timbre vibrates your indented fingers drawing your focus to his interested stare. He looks relaxed, the usual crease between his brow hardly recognizable. A stark refute to the question he posed.

You quickly shake your head, smiling growing wryer, “No, not at all. I just… think it’s funny that your energy presence is strongest where your heart is.”

Nanami quirks an eyebrow, “Isn’t that the same for everyone?”

“Would it be much of a surprise if I told you Gojo’s comes from his mouth?”

Nanami rolls his head, a breathless laugh exhaling as he stares at the ceiling. “No, I guess it wouldn’t.”

“Everyone has a different point from which their energy roots itself. Each one gives a different feeling of sorts. It doesn’t really mean much in terms of power and technique, but it is noticeable. You have an overwhelming presence as is, I just…” Your shoulders drop with a sigh, one stemming desperately from loving admiration and instead try to disguise as just an exhalation, “…never realized it came from there. Kind of fitting if you ask me.”

His brows furrow in contemplation, unsure if whether he could accept the statement. Unsure of whether it was a fitting examination or compliment for him. He must deem it something insignificant of his ponderance because he quickly moves on.

“And yours?” He asks, alight with curiosity, “Where does yours come from?”

You hum, grateful to finally shed the last remnants of awkwardness and engage in the usual friendly conversation you tend to have with him. The brief discussions that always prod a little too close for friendly discovery, but never breach the line of professional respect. That self-imposed limitation that you desperately wish he’ll cross, that this conversation is once again coming toward.

“Take a guess.” Allowing that lilting tease to infiltrate your words, you watch as Nanami adjusts himself on the couch. Bracing his arms against the cushion, he pushes himself into a sitting position and crosses his arms. Trailing his eyes over your seated body next to him, he leaves a burning trail in his wake.

He fixates on your face for a second and your breath hitches, before he travels downward over the column of your neck, then your chest, to your legs. Drinking you in as per your consent and request. Then, he extends his hand. Palm facing upwards in a silent request. You understand.

Placing your own hand in his, he turns your hand upward, allowing full access to the center of your hand and tracing his finger over the lines.

“Your hands. That’s your center.” He says with finality, monotonous but confident. With a small smirk, he looks up at you, “You are a healer after all.”

You give a small nod, “I’m not sure if it comes from my fingertips or my palm, but yeah. My hands.”

Looking back down at your hand in his, he traces the finger in a circle, “Palm. That’s where I feel it the most.”

“What does it feel like?” You ask with a laugh, expecting something asinine and noncommittal considering Yuuji once said your presence felt like a cool wind on a summer’s day and Nobara insists that it feels like a warm shower.

Two entirely opposite feelings, yet somehow categorized in the schema of comfort. You hardly expect Nanami to give something so introspective, nor anything that reveals too much considering the extent to which he tends to maintain the boundary of respect in the conversations of explorations. The kind in which two people teeter on the thin ice of interest, yet never voice it.

And yet, his eyes connect with yours again, and it's entirely too overwhelming for you to process. Too interested, too warm. His face betrays no nervousness nor any hesitation as he stares, entirely convinced that this is what was meant to happen. As though he knew from the moment Gojo asked that it was going to unfold this way.

Like he prepared for it. Like he decided today was the day that he crossed that line.

“Home. Warm and comforting.”

Slow heat the creeps its way up your spine that makes your brain halt thought altogether and sputter intelligently, “Gojo’s kind of feels like… tar. Thick tar. Super gross.”

His hand, large and warm, encompasses your hand once more, lays it flat against his chest to feel both his exuding energy and the steady beat of his formidable heart.

“And mine?” He asks, low and gravelly. Like sweet honey that has you captured entirely, unable to escape. Not like you want to. No, you’d rather drown in this overwhelming redolence than ever live without it.

You don’t even realize your breathing heavily, nor that his face has gotten closer to yours. When did he move there? Did you move there?

Either way, his face is in front of yours, noses almost touching and the compulsion to answer him on the tip of your tongue.

“Addicting,” you whisper.

And then his lips are on yours, molding sweetly into you, and it's everything you have ever imagined it to be. Slow, yet firm. Warm and craving, and you can only fight for more, more, more.

His hand moves to the back of your neck, pulling you in impossibly closer and you place your hands on his bare chest, the great reason as to your current predicament entirely, to steady yourself and your erratic heartbeat. Time seems to slow in the passion of his kiss, and yet when he parts for air, you feel as though you only had him for a second.

All the months of pining could barely make up for that singular moment.

“I’ve been meaning to do that for a while,” He says, leaning his forehead against yours, breath fanning over your aching lips. You scoff in laughter, meeting his smile with one of your own.

So, maybe, just maybe, listening to Gojo wasn’t a bad idea. And maybe, sometimes, he’s right about some things.

“Hey Kento?”

“Yes?”

“You really do have nice tits.”

“Likewise.”

#nanami kento #nanami kento x reader #nanami kento x you #nanami x reader #jjk x reader #jjk x you #nanami kento fluff #nanami fluff #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen fluff #my fics #my writing #my writing event #follower event

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bibuckbuckley · 3 years

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Okay but I am not over how Buck was so clearly framed as the "person who had to watch their love almost die right in front him but now has to take the full responsibility of taking care of their son and continue to work all while being a complete and emotional wreck".

Like when Buck had "the hardest job" - Chimney perfectly put it- and went to tell Christopher about Eddie and was trying to reign in his emotional turmoil, once he saw that Eddie had made it through surgery he just could not keep it in anymore. He completely broke down and CHRISTOPHER was the one to comfort BUCK before they both comfort each other. Which I always go absolutely feral about bc even though Buck wears his emotions on his sleeves we all know how he tends to put others first. We saw how he was trying to reign in his own grief so he could be there for Christopher. Because being there for Christopher was the most important thing in Buck's eyes, his own emotions be damned. An yet once that he saw that Eddie survived surgery and was going to be okay, he could not control it anymore.

And then we see him staying at the Diaz house and taking care of Christopher. However, Chris is the one who has to wake up Buck to school. That lil moment reminds me so much of a scene in Practical Magic where Sandra Bullock's character, Sally, is grieving the death of her husband and her daughter tries to wake her up to take her to school while Sally is numb just completely overtaken by her grief. We see Buck be the same way. And even though he does get up and takes care of Christopher and goes to work, we see how not okay he is. so much so that he wants get shot by the sniper as well

Which leads me the integral scene with Buck and Bobby. We all talk about the BLATANT parallels between Buddie and Bathena that this episode beautifully showed, but I gotta talk about it again. Right when Eddie had gotten shot, Bathena had the biggest fight of their marriage. But once they got their feelings out from the fight and was effected by the shooting, they had a honest conversation about what was bothering them. Which hugely consisted of Bobby talking about what it was like to witness what happened to Athena and how it effected him. Which brings me back to the scene with Bobby and Buck. When Bobby tells him that what happened to Eddie wasn't his fault, we get a DIRECT parallel with Buck saying "No but I was just the guy standing there who couldn't do anything about it" to which we get Bobby just staring at him in what seems to be a knowing look mixed shock and recognition. Because that was what he was literally what he was talking about with Athena. In the end of s3 with what happened to Athena and then in this season as well (especially this season) we see Bobby talk about and deal with witnessing HIS WIFE having a traumatic near death experience. Which was blatantly paralleled with Buck's trauma and grief with Eddie. (Two ppl having to witness the person they love most/their spouse almost die.)

But the parallels don't end there folks. No sir.

Not only do we get a hospital scene with both Bathena and Buddie but there are so many parallels in the Bathena hospital scene with Buddie. First we have the obvious of Athena sitting at Bobby side like Buck sat by Eddie's side as they both have emotional conversations. But whereas Buck mentions how he thought it'd been better he had been the one who had gotten shot instead of Eddie, Athena talks about saving Bobby.

Which I would like to point out the parallel of Buck helping Athena save Bobby and his knowing look when she said that it had to be her to save her husband. He understood that need and helped her be the one to save Bobby and not the actual firefighters (of course there's other reasons for Athena being the one like the guy having a gun but still).

But back to the hospital scenes parallels. In Bathena's hospital scene and the second one for Buddie (aka the Will™ scene), both relationships have a certain... shift if you will. Bathena's issues are fully solved and their relationship has grown even more for the better. And with Buddie the shift is also a growth in their relationship, just in a different way.

Because seeing how Eddie getting shot effected Buck and made him think so lowly of himself that he thought it'd be better if he was the one who got shot but also saw how Buck to continued to take care of Christopher despite of it, Eddie decides to finally tell Buck about the will. It's not only a shift of finally acknowledging the will after keeping it a secret for so long but a shift in how they're relationship is going to be for now. Sure, they already planned to always be in each other's lives but this seals it.

And what helps both relationships shift as all is what Athena and Eddie tell Bobby and Buck, respectively Athena tells Bobby that she couldn't let a little fire keep her from saving her partner. That right there is Athena reaffirming that Bobby is her partner, that she acknowledges the issues they had talked about previously about not acting like equal partners and reaffirms that they are fact partners. But then she also shows how much she loves Bobby. He's her partner in every way and she would (and did) walk through literal fire for him (which in LS we saw Judd use an example to show how much he would show Grace how much he loved her). Athena not only reminds Bobby how much she loves him, how she feels, but also tells him what he needed to hear that moment with what they were going through (especially with his lingering issues with what happened to Athena s3).

Now, with The Hospital Scene™ with Buddie, we get Eddie telling Buck about the will (which, given the fact that he kept it hidden for a year ass year indicates that it was a pretty big deal for Eddie to finally tell him) and Eddie does it because of what he also tells him. That Buck, Evan, in fact not expendable. That he knows Buck's perception of himself is that he's expendable, that Buck thought it'd be better if he was the one who got shot.

So how does that parallel the scene with Bathena? Well, Eddie shows Buck just how much he trusts him with Christopher (aka his heart and soul). They are partners already, but this just takes their partnership even further bc yeah, Eddie had already told Buck that 'there's no one else in this world I trust more with my son than you', but this both reaffirms that and takes it a step further. Because he made it legal that he'd rather Buck take care of his son more than his family. This reaffirms his trust in Buck, their partnership. Just like Athena reaffirmed hers and Bobby's partnership. Just like how she showed Bobby just how much she loved him by walking through literal fire for him, Eddie shows how much he loves and cares for Buck by entrusting Buck with the most precious thing in the world to him aka his son. And just like how Athena telling Bobby that is what he needed to hear, Eddie telling Buck about the will and showcasing the biggest insecurity that Buck was going through at the moment, that he's thinks that he's expendable but he's wrong.

Both Eddie and Athena saw how what happened to them effected their partners and they both have these things to help their partners with it (and themselves).

In conclusion, all of this shows the framing of Buck being the "grieving partner who had to deal with watching the love of their almost die". Because almost all of those Bathena parallels dealt with what Bobby had to deal with witnessing Athena almost die and how the aftereffects which directly paralleled with Buck was currently going through in that episode. And the of end episode (as well as Buck's season arc) getting a reaffirmation from his partner and consolation of how what happened to them effected him. Just how Athena did with Bobby.

Say it with me folks: Choices were made.

Thank you for coming to my Tedtalk.

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 fox #kj makes a post #buddie meta #long post

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lilover131 · 3 years

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Chapter 56 Analysis+Theories

AHHHHHH CHAPTER 56 AHHHHHH!!! <--Chrissy every time a chapter comes out

I wasn’t as hyped up about this one as I was for the last one thankfully, seeing as we didn’t have a super long wait, but I certainly don’t want to diminish in any way the importance of this chapter!!!

I won’t waste any time and will get right to it, so buckle in, cuz’ the theory train is coming! More under the cut!

So I’ll start by saying that when I first read the chapter, it was 2 AM where I was. I had been sleeping and just kinda magically woke up right when the chapter just came out, so I like to think there was some fate there. But when I opened that chapter on my phone and the first thing I saw was that Syaoran color spread, I audibly gasped and instantly woke up a bit.

I woke up not because it was absolutely stunning to look at, or even at the fact that we haven’t had Syaoran in a color page for a while. No, the thing that caught my attention was the serious atmosphere it contained and the tone that it seemingly set. To me, this was one of CLAMP’s subtle ways of saying “Prepare for the final battle”. I could be reading into it too much, but I was right about what I believed the Syaoran and Kaito color page insinuated, so I’m gonna stick to my guns here.

We start off the chapter without a moment’s pause where we left off last time. It continues right from the last point of the conversation where Sakura dropped the bombshell that she had seen Kaito use magic. She seems to think that they may not believe her at first, but Syaoran interrupts her to affirm that he 100% believes her and that he even already knew. Sakura is naturally confused by this, but he finally FINALLY gets to tell her what he’s been dealing with this whole time, and it definitely seems to be an uncomfortable topic for him. But at least this time he got to tell Sakura truthfully that he hadn’t ever intended on keeping this from her but was physically not able to. Despite not needing to feel guilty about this, Syaoran seems uncomfortable for the simple fact that someone else had that much control over him, and he was unable to do a thing to stop it. It’s also important to keep in mind that Kero and Suppi were hearing this for the first time themselves as well (about the silencing at least).

Not much time passes after this before Kero and Suppi fess up to also knowing about Kaito, but they admit that theirs was a conscious decision rather than force, but that they believe they too would have been silenced like Syaoran was had they attempted to speak. One could say that since they didn’t know Syaoran was silenced in the way he was that this is not entirely truthful or was just a bad decision, but in reality it still makes perfect sense why they thought to be more careful. They saw Kaito’s magic first hand violently take down Eriol, and if he could shut down a magician of that caliber from halfway across the world, then he could easily do the same or worse to the guardians. And since they also weren’t yet aware of his true intentions with Sakura, it would have been likely seen as dangerous to provoke him and possibly put Sakura in harm’s way. I guess the only thing that doesn’t make much sense to me is why Syaoran and the guardians didn’t collaborate and put together what they knew sooner. Even when Yue went to Syaoran’s apartment, the topic of Kaito or Eriol never came up, and since they both clearly had Sakura’s best interest in mind, I’m not sure specifically why they chose to keep their information to themselves when they both knew they had the same goal. This, I would say, was actually a bad decision on their part, but when it comes down to it, they’re not perfect and everyone makes mistakes (I think Cinzia made the same point here, so I apologize if it seems like I’m copying here! I just also agree when it comes to this).

I’m actually going to pull in a little thing I learned from my counselor not long ago when I felt guilt over a particular decision I had made long ago, and that is that you can only work based on the emotions and information you have at the time. And because we don’t know the future, it is not possible to always make the right decisions, but there is also no telling if our decisions would have changed things for the better, so it is best not to dwell on them. I believe truly that based on what they knew at the time and through the experiences they had, they were likely only trying to protect each other, but missed that they could have probably helped each other. It’s easy to miss things when you’re on the defensive.

What I love about Sakura after this is that she forgives them immediately. This is not the first time she’s had things hidden from her for her protection, and naturally it’s upsetting to not feel like you can be trusted to deal with the serious information. When Syaoran told her how he’d been hiding what he knew before, she was upset but more because she thought he suffered as a result. This time around though, they concealed things from her not because they were worried about how she’d handle it, but rather out of fear from what Kaito would do if they tried, so it’s a completely different reason and much easier to forgive. Sakura is able to differentiate this, because she is a very emotionally intelligent girl and a lot more observant than she gets credit for when it comes to reading people. She’s grown a lot and isn’t as ‘dense’ as she was in Elementary School.

Then we get a precious gift of seeing Syaoran show off how smart he is, working out how Kaito managed to make them forget about said confrontation at the botanical garden. He’s probably thought about it a lot already, considering he mentioned before that he felt like someone made him forget something. But this time, he had additional information that Sakura was able to provide, and this was the final piece of the puzzle he needed. The most important detail that Sakura gave him was the location in particular, the botanical garden. He knew that that was where they intended to go, but that they had yet to go there. This prompted him to check his phone and see how much time might have passed without them realizing, and because he knew what time he had arranged to meet Sakura, 9:30 AM, he was able to observe that it was impossible for them to meet, go to the botanical garden, have this encounter with Kaito, and both get back to their houses in only 16 minutes. This meant it was not just a mere meddling of memories but rather time magic as it was the only explanation for the time discrepancy issue and memory loss. I can’t say how freaking proud I was of Syaoran for working this out. He’s such a smart boy, but I know that Sakura also would have been able to come to the same conclusion had she had more knowledge about the magical world. Sakura is running on pure instinct right now, which is super strong, but Syaoran really helps fill in those gaps where things don’t make sense for her, making them the perfect magical team!

The scene changes to Momo, who appears to be keeping tabs on the conversation (though it’s unclear if Kaito is aware while they are under Siege). And this part is perhaps the most worrying of the entire chapter, and I’m not talking about the line where the English translation says “Into the final act of your story”. That line in particular is a gross mistranslation cleared up by @meimi-haneoka, who graciously gives us translation notes each month in comparison to the Japanese version. The actual line in fact says “Into the final act of THE story”. This changes the entire tone of that page as the first translation implies it is leading to Kaito’s death, whereas the Japanese translation actually more implies that we’re nearing the climax of the story. Momo’s facial expressions also match the wording of the Japanese translation better, as we know she does not seem to want Kaito to die, so she would certainly look more upset here if she were speaking of such a thing. Also, I have to speak up about how pretttyyyy Kaito looks in that panel. The way CLAMP designed that page is just stunning as always.

HOWEVER

Back to what I was saying before! The most concerning part of the chapter for me is the page right before that, where Momo says “Once a spell’s been seen for what it is, it all comes crumbling down. Particularly, where time magic is concerned. And that’s to say nothing of your target’s considerable power. Now everything you’d turned back time to undo. Everything you’ve succeeded in freezing…is beginning to move again”. So here comes Chrissy’s big crazy theory and possible overthinking, but bear with me here!

I think…that what they are saying here is that these moments that were frozen in time and turned back were cut off from the timeline and now floating in a separate space. And now these scenes, which were all intense in their own way and incredibly frustrating for us, are about to move forward.

….all of them….

….at the same time….

This concept isn’t exactly new in CLAMP series. It happened with Tsubasa where Syaoran turned back time to go back to a moment where he could take Sakura’s hand and keep her from being cursed, and to keep that moment ready until he could return, it was in its own separate dimension, cut off from the rest of the universe. Eventually, once he got there, time started to move forward again. Turning back time is a taboo in the magical world for a reason, and Kaito has done this over and over and over again. But also, wouldn’t it be so like CLAMP to say “Hey, we know you’ve been frustrated that all these scenes were seemingly amping up to a big confrontation, but then Kaito rewound time over and over, so how about we give those back….ALL AT THE SAME TIMMMMEE?”. Can you even imagine the consequences of such a thing? At least three of the occasions where Kaito turned back time, Akiho went into what I call ‘book-mode’, where she is no longer herself and tries to absorb Sakura along with her magic (and even succeeds on one occasion). Then there is also Syaoran and Kaito’s battle and Syaoran having his outburst about Kaito being a magician right in front of Akiho. It would be absolute utter chaos, and honestly I’d be living for it. Lmao.

If you believe that this line Momo said was simply to state that his time magic won’t work anymore and that things will continue to progress in this timeline, that would make perfect sense as well, so I don’t want to discount that. I’m just throwing out theories here based on what I know about CLAMP and concepts that are not out of the realm of possibility.

The scenes from here on out bounce a little bit back and forth from a continuation of the conversation with Syaoran and the guardians and present time with Akiho at school. I kinda like the way they did the transitions here, and it didn’t really feel awkward at any point but rather pulled up the relevant information when it was needed.

When Akiho comes in to the classroom, Sakura recalls how the topic of Akiho came up in the conversation from the day before. It’s natural for everyone to question at this point what she knows and if she is someone to be concerned about too. Syaoran mentions that he can’t detect any magic from her, which was something he had looked into from the very first day Akiho arrived at Tomoeda Middle (he knew literally nothing about her, but you know how transfer students go in this town. Lmao). Sakura drops another bombshell here by saying that she actually senses something in Akiho, but she is unclear of what that is and why she feels that way. It’s completely likely that she’s strong enough now to sense the suppressed magic spell the association and her clan put on her. I also noticed Syaoran seemed to tense up when Sakura said this, and I’m sure that this new information probably made him feel very uneasy. Sakura’s instincts are never wrong, and if she feels something, that means there is something, but to think that it’s something even Syaoran can’t sense would definitely be concerning.

It is then that Syaoran decides to approach the idea of addressing Akiho directly about Kaito’s magic to see what she knows. Maybe at this point in time he is thinking “If she possibly has some sort of magic in her, then she might know already about Kaito”, but like Sakura, he has seen Akiho’s behavior as a person and probably believes that she is not doing anything malicious of her own accord. Perhaps he thinks that Akiho might be able to talk some sense into Kaito and put a stop to things. But the way he goes about it doesn’t push Sakura, but rather just offers it as a suggestion as something a bit more direct.

Before we see Sakura’s response to this, we are back to Akiho in the classroom and she is very cheerful from having gone out with Kaito the day prior, and OMG CAN I JUST GUSH FOR A MOMENT ABOUT HOW FREAKING PRECIOUS SHE IS? She is seriously adorable, and the more I see her smile, the more it makes me want to burn her whole clan down to the ground for being so awful to her. But also, it reminds me how strong she is to have gone through everything she did and still smile and hold no hatred in her heart. I can’t honestly say I would be the same in her shoes, so it’s really admirable. For those My Hero Academia fans out there, remember Eri’s smile? You know the one I’m talking about. That’s how I feel every time Akiho smiles.

Anyways, back to Sakura’s response. She decides, in a very Sakura-like fashion, to avoid the subject with Akiho for now. It is true that they don’t fully understand who Kaito is and what his intentions are, but the one thing she does know is that he is considered precious to Akiho, and that at least says something about his character. Akiho herself also isn’t an idiot and is perceptive to Kaito’s feelings. Even when he’s smiling, she can tell when he’s actually hurting inside, so if he had bad intentions at all, that likely wouldn’t go unseen either, so Sakura decides that she’ll wait for Akiho to come to her first if the discussion between them needs to happen. I think this is a very mature decision on her part but also continues to show how much she considers the people around her and cares for them.

Back in the present, Akiho apologizes for talking so much, and Sakura tells her that she doesn’t mind and will listen to whatever she has to say. More than just trying to show good will as a friend, I think this is also her way of opening up the door to tell her “If you want to talk about more serious things, I’m here to listen as well”. That way, when the time comes, Akiho will feel comfortable having that conversation with her.

The scene moves on to Yukito’s home where all the guardians are having a nice little get together in their true forms. It’s not entirely necessary for all but Yue to do this, but I love it as we haven’t gotten to see much of them in these forms in the series so far, especially Spinel and Ruby Moon. Ruby Moon is surprised that they decided to go along with what Sakura said, which I suppose makes sense considering they’ve been kinda doing their own thing up until now. But it turns out that it was Syaoran who made the final decision, and the others just took his lead.

I love that Syaoran was so comfortable just trusting Sakura and realizing that this time, they needed to let her make some choices, especially since it concerned her the most. Moreover, I love that Kero, Suppi, and Yue just basically caved when Syaoran agreed. This shows how much they respect the opinion of not just Sakura, but Syaoran too. They could have easily gone off and continued to work secretly without Sakura, but they didn’t do that. It obviously didn’t work well for them before anyways.

I cracked up when Ruby Moon mentioned how much Syaoran has grown a lot and used to be a ‘pouty brat’ back when they were in Japan the last time (in his defense, Eriol was screwing with him a lot, so he had a lot of good reasons for the bratty attitude. Lmao). But Kero and Yue’s responses are just precious. They both have the same expression initially, but their actual responses seem to differ quite a bit. Kero states that he will always be a brat to him and that he’s only grown ‘a little’. This is classic Kero essentially saying he agrees that he’s grown a lot, but he won’t admit it yet, hence why Spinel calls him childish. Hahahaha.

Yue’s response however makes me absolutely melt. He states he’s not upset about the mention of Syaoran’s growth, but that that he doesn’t think they “should be in such a hurry to grow up”. He sounds just like a freaking dad here who is happy to see his children grow up, but is also wanting to them to slow down and stay children simultaneously. I am absolutely living for it, and I love seeing how soft he gets when it comes to them. -squeals-

Despite how lighthearted this scene is, I’m gonna put out another theory here that might seem like I’m overthinking and perhaps makes this appear a bit darker than possibly intended. My thought was “Why did CLAMP put such focus on this subject right now?”. They could have simply stated that they decided to go along with Sakura and been done with it, but the made a point to talk about the children’s growth as human beings, particularly Syaoran. Now where am I going with this you ask? Perhaps it’s the Tsubasa PTSD speaking, but when CLAMP has dialogue like this, it usually it done quite purposely at times, because it is meant to enhance our emotions when a particular moment comes later on. So when I thought “Now, why would they be talking so much about how Syaoran’s grown emotionally and how much Kero and Yue care about him?”. I think they are trying to emphasize how much people in general care about him. CLAMP showed it again recently with Touya, who threatened Kaito and purposely included Syaoran in his statement, and again when Kaito pointed his staff at Syaoran and Sakura reacted. CLAMP is pointing out right now how much people care about Syaoran, and I think this is once again a signal that something bad is going to happen to Syaoran, and I think it’s going to be soon.

Now, Cinzia actually recently found my reaction to spoilers of chapter 1 of Clear Card (that’s right, chapter 1 from all the way back in 2016), and from the very beginning, I have been screaming at the top of my lungs that I had the worst feeling that something bad was going to happen to Syaoran. I imagine some of you are probably tiring of hearing it from me. Lmao. So here we are, 55 chapters and numerous bad dreams later, and I finally feel like that time is really really close. I’m calling it right now that it will probably happen within the next 4-5 chapters, and if I’m wrong, I will eat my words, but them even putting Syaoran on the color page all by himself for this chapter gives me more reason to think that “that time” is approaching.

That is a good transition for me to talk about the last part of this chapter. We are finally getting some progress on this play Naoko has been writing, and the moment she mentioned it was about “Twin Alices”, I thought to myself “this is going to be where the climax happens”. The pieces are coming together for it, and we’ve finally gotten to hear the premise of this play. We all knew Naoko would ask Sakura and Akiho to play the main roles, but it’s unclear what the role she wants for Syaoran will be when she inevitably peer pressures him into it. Lol. But I’m telling you, I really think this play is where shit is going to hit the fan and we’ll finally get some real answers.

I can’t wait to see what happens from here on out, but it’s very clear to me that things are just going to get more and more intense from here on out!!

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secretgamergirl · 3 years

Text

Dear Game Developers, I don’t want to be a rapacious colonizing blight on the world.

I like a pretty wide variety of games, but one general thing I’ve always been particularly keen on is the sort of game where I start off just kinda naked in the wilderness with nothing and have to build up a bunch of infrastructure to accomplish something. So you know, RTSes, Civ clones, survival games, sandbox-y Minecraft stuff, Dwarf Fortress and similar things, but these all have this really annoying habit of making my character the biggest existential threat to the entire world, and I would really like them to stop doing that all the time.

So, just to open up with an example of how to do this sort of thing in a way I like, Subnautica is one of my favorite games. I recently streamed the whole thing, so, links to that if you’d like: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4

Subnautica actively confronts my issue head on, and handles it right. I’m not slaughtering everything I see, I’m not strip mining the whole planet, I’m not leveling forests. I’m here by way of horrible tragic accident, and by the end of the game I’ve done my best to clean up the mess from that and address some other global issues to the point where I can confidently say my presence over the course of the game has made for a net positive impact on the environment in which it’s set. Plus it’s a great game in a bunch of other ways.

I’m also pretty happy with Factorio, oddly enough. In Factorio I AM strip mining the whole world, slaughtering absolutely all of the local wildlife, and any forests I’m not clear-cutting I’m choking out with industrial emissions that leave nothing but dry withered skeletons where there were once beautiful stretches of foliage. The thing of it is, between actually tracking my environmental impact as a mechanic and having such downer visuals, it at least feels like the developers and I are sharing a really dark joke about how awful you are in games like this.

Then on the other side of the coin here, we have, say, Satisfactory. A game in the same weird subgenre as Factorio (do we have a name for these yet? Convey’em Ups?) but... really gross. The player is explicitly just heading down to this really beautiful planet to extract and process all the resources they can. You’re rewarded for killing... basically all life you see despite it not generally posing any sort of real threat to you, clear cutting all the vegetation, and to keep the factory building vibes nice and chill, when you tap into a coal vein or set up an oil well, you get an endless supply of those burnable fuels to use forever, with absolutely no consequence, as you just consume all the things to make all the other things and ship them out to meet quotas. And that’s... kinda gross? Again, the fact that nothing you do has any sort of consequence despite half of it being stuff that is literally killing the world in reality makes it way worse.

Meanwhile, lately I’ve been keeping a lot of modded Minecraft videos going in the background to stave off the social isolation with the whole plague and all with some human voices, and see what cool new ideas people are testing there. One of the real popular new mods is this one called MineColonies, and you know what? It’s really neat. The idea is you find a big open plot of land somewhere, throw down blueprints for really huge multiblock structures of houses and workshops and such, get those built up a little, and NPCs start wandering in you can start giving jobs to. Here’s someone to harvest and replant trees, someone to go mining for underground resources, someone to build and upgrade the rest of these buildings, people to provide renewable food and medicine to all these other NPCs. Schools for their kids to get their stats up to good places by adulthood, a whole higher learning system to advance a tech tree, it’s cool.

But the thing is, as you probably gathered from the name, it’s DISGUSTINGLY colonialist. All these people coming in are explicitly white, with British accents, explicitly gendered and explicitly heterosexual too incidentally, and a huge part of the general infrastructure building is having to set up guard posts and barracks all over, training knights and archers to defend against the local barbarians native to the land you’re building on who wander out of the wilderness to attack everyone with some regularity. And I mean, how messed up is that? This mod is explicitly adding in native people’s just so there’s someone for you to displace and murder as you colonize some big chunk of unspoiled wilderness in the name of prosperity for your... British colony. Which of course works on an explicitly feudalist system (and then also for some reason has everyone grumbling about how you’re spending your gold, which you aren’t even doing). It totally thematically ruins what I’d otherwise be super super into. And not long after this was released, baseline Minecraft did basically the same thing. There are now roving barbarian tribes who go around trying to kill you and any villagers near you and you have to concern yourself with wiping out whole groups of them with some regularity, whereas previously the only enemies you really had to deal with were zombies and skeletons and a few other weird explicitly monstrous things. It’s gross.

My distaste for slaughtering barbarians extends to the civilization games too. Which... I mean I have put a LOT of hours into a lot of Civ games so it’s obviously not a total dealbreaker for me, but... you’re always this weird immortal dictator and even if you set your civilization up as a democracy, you sure do win every single election regardless of how unhappy people are with you, and you spend a good chunk of time slaughtering local barbarians. And increasingly, with each new game, smaller independent nations because they really keep putting more and more emphasis on military conquest being, if not the best path to victory, one you have to push pretty far no matter what you’re going for.

And it doesn’t have to work like that. My favorite game, mostly in the franchise, is still Alpha Centauri. Where the “barbarians” are brain eating space worms, not other humans, and even then, you can (and I consistently do) be a big tree-hugging hippy, enact worm-friendly social policies, make friends with them instead of killing them, and have them go devour a bunch of violent anti-science anti-environment right wing creeps, strongarm everyone else into adopting similar policies, and, like Subnautica, leave the world better than you found it by foregoing all the easier wins and doing the thing where you find a permanent solution to the local planetary superconsciousness accidentally going berserk and eating itself at periodic intervals. Happy ending for everyone! Except for Miriam. Screw Miriam.

Meanwhile, someone I know not to long ago just randomly pitched a game where there’s a big nature ravaging industrial sprawl, but you play as some sort of reclaiming embodiment of nature, strategically... I guess spreading trees to grow up through everything and have rats chew through the wiring and stuff, and yeah, I would play the hell out of that game. If nobody else gets to it before I clear my plate of all these other projects, I might even make that game.

I should stress again too that it’s not even that I don’t want games to ever put me in such a role as the player, just if you’re going to do it, acknowledge that that sort of thing isn’t cool, and either make it clear that the player character has been forced into a really unfortunate position, or that said character is just awful. Or both, both works.

What I don’t want to ever see people do is rationalize a way out of the issues. “Oh this is an infinite supply of clean-burning coal” does not fly with me. “Oh we’re establishing a colony but it’s on an alien planet” is still colonialism. The weird fetish the whole game industry seems to have with leveling forests is not made better by having those trees give you saplings that fully replace every tree cut down in like 2 minutes. If you don’t want to unpack the moral implications of something, you can just not include it to begin with. None of the stuff I’ve been laying out here is actually necessary for any of these games to work. Just... quit being weird and making me play coal-mining conquistadors already.

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geekgirles · 3 years

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Mirrors

Disclaimer: This was originally going to be much longer (and it is very long already) but since I might have overdone it, I will be cutting it in two. The second part will feature the similarities and differences between Marinette and Kagami and some final thoughts.

Part 2

Kagami’s name means ‘mirror’ in Japanese, and according to Thomas Astruc, that’s not a coincidence. Indeed, she’s supposed to be a reflection of the main characters. This trait is best seen through her role as an alternative love interest for Adrien, but she is also a reflection of Marinette’s own character; more specifically, her own relationship with Adrien.

However, the way Kagami works as a mirror changes from one character to the other. For Adrien, she’s a direct parallel to many of the traits that make him who he is, only that she adds more nuance to them. For Marinette, despite their many similarities, they are also opposites.

In this analysis I will reflect (pun not-intended) on the way Kagami works as Adrien’s mirror, how she does the same for Marinette, and the way that affects her relationship with both of them.

Adrien and Kagami:

As Adrien’s alternative love interest over Ladybug, it is to be expected that Kagami would have enough things in common with him for Adrien to be able to relate to her and see her as something other than a friend.

And this is one of the reasons why Adrien has considered Kagami as his girlfriend and not Marinette; her proximity to his own situation.

Kagami’s introductory episode, Riposte, already focused a lot of its attention in highlighting how similar the two are. Aside from sharing a common interest in fencing (which allows them later on to spend time together outside of school or business-related occasions), Riposte already showed enough of Kagami’s background to make us understand why Adrien would bond with her. Their respective parents are both strict, expect nothing but the best from their kids’ performance in everything they do and, most importantly, they’re both very absent in their lives while simultaneously being present in every aspect of them.

We all know how Gabriel controls every single aspect of Adrien’s life while never spending time with his son at the same time, but Tomoe is just as controlling and overprotective. In Ikari Gozen she considered her daughter having friends should be at the bottom of her priority list, even hinting some trust issues with the sole idea.

And, despite that, in Riposte Kagami was all alone in the car, calling her mother to let her know that she had failed, but not showing any signs of expecting any sort of comfort from her. After all, she said it herself:

“There's no such thing as a second chance in my family.”

Another parallel between Adrien and Kagami is precisely the fact that Tomoe relies on someone else to look after her daughter, just like Gabriel tends to shove his responsibilities with Adrien onto Nathalie and Gorizilla. Except that in Tomoe’s case it’s even worse; she entrusts her daughter to Tatsu, an artificial intelligence, not a human being.

Of course, the similarities between them don’t end there. Adrien and Kagami are pretty much birds of a feather in the sense that both of them are very inexperienced with socialising. They’re both lonely, rich kids with a difficult home life who just want to be able to do things most kids their age do.

That’s why Adrien connected so well with Kagami; they’re on the same boat.

As I said earlier, Kagami acts as a mirror to Adrien, not only because of the similarities that have already been discussed, but also because her personality is very much like Adrien’s, except she either takes things to the extreme, or isn’t as similar to Adrien as she should.

Facing their parents:

Believe it or not, when it comes to calling out their parents for their behaviour, Adrien is more willing to face his father than Kagami her mother.

Ever since his mother disappeared, Adrien’s been trying to be there for his father. Pretty much everything he does that isn’t related to his friends or his life as Chat Noir he does it for Gabriel. He studies Chinese, goes to photoshoots, fences, plays the piano, and any other extracurricular activity I might have forgotten about because he thinks that’s what will make his father happy. Deep down, Adrien knows it’s unfair that he’s forced to live like that, he just sucks it up because he knows his father’s hurting and wants to alleviate that burden.

But whenever Gabriel’s behaviour becomes too unreasonable for even Adrien to excuse, he’s always ready to rebel against him in some way. In Origins he tried and succeeded in going to school instead of staying at home like his father wished. In Santa Claws he ran away from home because of Gabriel’s cold and distant attitude despite being the first Christmas without Emilie for the both of them. In Simon Says, as Chat Noir, he called his father out on his stubbornness and refusal to get help despite being an akuma’s main target. And in Feast he showed his disappointment and disapproval of the way Gabriel brushed Nathalie’s condition off.

And he did all that on his own, either for himself or for the sake of others.

Kagami, on the other hand, still relies on others to face her mother. In Ikari Gozen, despite going against her mother’s wishes, it wasn’t until Marinette had the guts to try and stand up to Tomoe that Kagami managed to put her foot down in her request to spend some time with her new friend. And unlike Adrien as Chat Noir in Simon Says where, despite having some help from the confidence his secret identity gives him, he confronted his father on his behaviour, Ryuuko confronted Ikari Gozen, not Tomoe. In other words, she stood her ground against an exaggeration of her mother’s flaws, not against her mother’s true self.

Moving on:

While the show has shown Adrien having difficulties letting go of Ladybug, the main difference between him and Kagami is that he has at least considered it. Since Frozer, Kagami has shown she will fight for Adrien until the very end.

In fact, of the four teens romantically involved with each other, Kagami is the only one who hasn’t expressed any sort of conformity with the idea of her love interest not choosing her in the end. Even Marinette and Adrien, despite hurting immensely, had considered letting go of their respective crushes and pursuing somebody else when it looked like they were getting nowhere.

In Frozer, despite acting nonchalant about it, Kagami was very clear to Adrien: “The day you realize you've got the wrong target, I'll be here.”

With that she makes it very obvious that she’s willing to wait for Adrien, no matter how long it takes him to realise his feelings for her. That’s Kagami’s approach: she prefers to wait before accepting defeat.

In a way, this makes her a foil to Luka as well.

Ever since Frozer, Luka has shown he will support Marinette if she chooses to go after Adrien instead of him in the end, whereas Kagami, while never outright declaring she won’t be there for Adrien if he weren’t to choose her, she never really hinted she would move on from him if he did, either.

The best example of this would, in a way, be what she said as Oni-Chan: “He's the only one who's worthy of me! And the only one I will ever love!”

If I’m being perfectly honest, this sentence doesn’t do Kagami’s character and her feelings for Adrien justice. The way it was written, it just makes her look unreasonable and like a yandere. And you might say it’s because she was akumatised. And you would be right, if it weren’t because Luka’s confession to Marinette also doubled as a declaration of protection and wasn’t painted in nowhere near the same negative light.

But back to the point.

Summing up, the kind of trouble Adrien has moving on he inherited from his father (in a, thankfully, less worrisome way), Kagami has too, but hers seems to be more severe. And there’s a high chance this will play an important role in Lies, or at least in season 4...

Making friends:

Now, as stated above, this is one of the points they have the most in common but also have the most differences in; their issues with socialising.

What makes the two of them so similar is that they’re both kids who’ve been sheltered their whole life, kids who long to have some friends of their own, and who, as a result, struggle greatly with reading social cues.

However, their respective personalities are what really makes the difference.

Adrien is kind, honest, and approachable, both on a superficial and deep level. Kagami, on the other hand, is all those things, but once you get to know her; at first glance she might seem cold, honest to the point of brutality, and difficult to connect with.

Unlike Lila, who got the class’ attention for her supposed life and high status, these two really are the children of influential people, and yet that’s not why the class appreciates Adrien, or even pretends to get along with Kagami for what it could give them. They’re not that shallow.

The class likes Adrien because he’s a cinnamon roll. And, judging by the girls’ reactions to Kagami in both Frozer and Desperada, they aren’t close to her because they only know her on a superficial, non-flattering level.

They’ve both been sheltered and yet, Adrien manages to connect with others better. While Kagami had to rely on an app to try and get along with Marinette, with rather awkward results. And, let’s not forget, it wasn’t until Marinette got to see Kagami was just like Adrien at the beginning that she realised that she’d misjudged her and actively tried to be her friend.

And now the three of them are close friends! (Leaving shipping drama aside…)

The main difference between the two is that, at first sight, Adrien is more approachable than Kagami.

Recklessness:

As the series progressed, we’ve seen little by little how these two tend to be reckless at times. Especially when handling their miraculouses.

Now, it is true that Marinette has made her fair share of mistakes as well because she was impulsive, but most of the time that flaw shone through as Marinette, not Ladybug. Whereas Adrien and Kagami appeared to be far more composed as their civilian selves (because they have to be due to their parents’ strictness) than their superhero selves.

When they both received their miraculouses they both made the same mistake: they transformed before learning everything they needed to in order to be effective users. In Adrien’s case, he didn’t listen to Plagg when he was about to tell him about the Cataclysm’s time limit. And in Kagami’s she transformed just as Longg was about to tell her about Ladybug’s plan.

As a result, Chat Noir wasted his power when facing off against Stone Heart, and Ryuuko allowed Ikari Gozen to capture Chat Noir.

Moreover, in both cases they viewed their newfound powers as a chance to escape their parents and their lifestyles, both literally and figuratively. Therefore, judging by these similarities as well as the others we have already discussed, I’m going to dub this impulsiveness they display as superheroes as the “Sheltered Rich Kid Syndrome.”

Even so, there is a difference between the two: Kagami was actually more reckless than Adrien when she first transformed.

In Origins, Chat Noir acted on his own not because he wanted to, but because Ladybug was still doubting herself to be of assistance. But, the moment she stepped in and took charge of the situation, Chat followed her plans without hesitation.

Kagami, on the other hand, fuelled by her own issues with her mother, her impulsiveness, and her newfound liberty, insisted on taking on Ikari Gozen by herself without a plan or even Ladybug and Chat Noir’s assistance (despite them being the seasoned heroes of Paris). And this decision lacked forethought because 1) she had no experience fighting akumas, 2) despite her experience fighting her mother, Kagami always loses (and that is when Tomoe has no superpowers), and 3) she obviously had no strategy.

It wasn’t until she ultimately failed and made things more complicated for the heroes that she realised her mistake.

In other words, while both Adrien and Kagami use their alter egos as an escape from their proverbial prisons, Adrien takes his responsibilities as Chat Noir and his loyalty to Ladybug more seriously than Kagami.

Honesty:

I did say earlier that Adrien and Kagami are both honest people. Even so, saying they’re at the same level of honesty would be a lie.

Adrien’s sincerity is what warmed Marinette up to him, just like it did for Kagami, but he’s nowhere near as honest as Kagami.

As @miraculouslycool and @flightfoot pointed out not long ago, Lila is actually what Adrien would have turned into if it weren’t for his redeeming qualities and the use he gives to his abilities. Because both are kids who have learned to be sneaky in order to get what they want. Adrien can’t afford to have his father finding out about the things he hides from him because it would lead to disastrous consequences, like when he pulled him out of school over the grimoire.

True, Adrien chooses to be honest, kind to others, and the best person he can possibly be. Major kudos for that. But he’s still not above lying or using relatively underhanded tactics to get the results he wants. The best example being his lie to Théo about being an item with Ladybug just to get him to back off.

In a way, that could be a reason why he’s so disgusted by Lila’s behaviour. Unlike him, she doesn’t use her lies and manipulation as a last resort, she uses them with everyone regardless of her interactions with them and the consequences of her actions just because she can.

But I’m getting off topic.

As stated above, Adrien chooses to be honest, but is perfectly capable of being sly and sneaky. He knows how to operate in the shadows.

Kagami doesn’t.

And that is probably because in her case not being honest is what can get her in serious trouble, let alone if she misbehaves or not. So, fear of the consequences tied with a natural disdain for lies have made Kagami to be honest to a fault.

And this wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing if it weren’t for the fact that she’s so honest, she becomes brutally honest; coming off as rude to others. To put it simply, Kagami doesn’t know how to sugarcoat things, for one reason or another. Which is why her assessment on Marinette’s personality based on her deduction of her blood type and a single question about her favourite season can be seen as rude or impolite. And it is perfectly fine to see it like that! After all, that is the conclusion many of us would arrive at if we were in Marinette’s situation and had no context on why the other person is acting like that.

Honestly, if I’d been in Marinette’s shoes, I would’ve been like, “Joke’s on you. I’m type A.”

Basically, while Adrien is used to working in the shadows, Kagami is forthright and prefers to face things head on, and both are mindsets and strategies with strengths and weaknesses.

The rings:

Now this is another delicious parallel between the two, just like Marinette and Luka both have earrings.

As we’ve been saying all along, Adrien and Kagami both have a lot on their plate. They have many responsibilities that can become a burden in the long run, especially when we keep in mind that they are still children. Just like Marinette is exhausted from having to be level-headed and responsible in so many scenarios.

However, the rings Adrien and Kagami wear are both parallels and opposites from one another. They both represent some kind of responsibility at their core, but the effects of said responsibility vary.

In Adrien’s case, he wields the black cat miraculous. Needless to say, this ties him with the duties that come from being Chat Noir and having the power of destruction by his side. A power that, as seen in Miraculer and the New York Special, can be disastrous if handled poorly. And yet, his miraculous actually represents the best part of his life, because it gives him freedom. Being Chat Noir has allowed him to be himself, without the restraint from his father’s presence. It gave him the chance to meet Ladybug who, aside from being the girl he loves, is also his best friend. The miraculous has just… given him a chance to live.

Adrien’s ring is his saving grace.

On the contrary, Kagami’s ring represents the kind of duties she’s far more familiar with. Her ring ties her to her family.

That ring is a constant reminder of the pressure she’s under, of her family’s expectations, of the person she’s been raised to believe she should be. Which is symbolised by her family’s kanji being engraved on the ring.

As seen in Riposte, when Kagami loses any kind of challenge she’s supposed to have been prepared for, she believes she has let her family down.��

Kagami’s ring is the lock of her golden cage.

Stay tuned for Part 2!

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bloodstainsontengensfloor · 3 years

Text

Tsumiki and Megumi childhood HeadCanons!

*some slight spoilers on what happened to Megumi’s dad

———————————————————————-

BEFORE the abandonment:

-Megumi didn’t like Tsumiki when they first met. She was so happy... why? Like him, she only had one parent and didn’t have the nicest things. She smiled despite not having the nicest clothes, not having the nicest toys, and with not having a dad.

-They walked to school together and Tsumiki would just talk his ear off

-Megumi didn’t really warm up to her until he tripped and scraped his knee and Tsumiki’s entire cheerful demeanor changed and she went to fretting over him

-It annoyed him but at the same time... made him feel happy

-He warmed up to her gradually after that. She always checked in how he was doing as his dad started to check in less and less

-Megumi was aware that his dad didn’t care for Tsumiki’s mom as much as someone you married should, and was surprised when he found out that Tsumiki shared the same sentiments

-Tsumiki and Megumi’s dad... she was a ray of sunshine to him of course and he... had literally no clue how to deal with it. He also didn’t like how a second grader was a better parent than him, but in the end... he knew Megumi would be in good hands

-(If he stayed around, Tsumiki and Toji would have a relationship like Hori and her dad for Horimiya I take no arguments)

AFTER the abandonment:

-Megumi’s dad left first. he didn’t really understand what was happening or why his dad stopped coming to say goodnight and then stopped coming home at all

-Tsumiki was emotional over it for the sake of Megumi and her mom, and started to do little things like get Megumi small gifts when they would walk from school- little stuffed animals (the first one was a dog ofc), chocolates, candies, etc.

-When Tsumiki’s mom left, leaving only a little money behind, Megumi expected Tsumiki to cry or shut herself in, but she didn’t. She took on the role of taking care of him and barley took care of herself.

-He didn’t know why his non emotionally constipated sister wasn’t crying and was smiling. Why was she not showing her hurt? Her dad left her and her mom, and now her mom left her too.

-”Don’t worry about it! She’ll be back soon!” Tsumiki had said when making breakfast for them.

-Oh, Megumi thought, she was in denial.

-When the denial ended, Tsumiki didn’t show any evidence of going through the other stages of grief. When he asked her about it one day, Tsumiki sighed, and looked really tired. “I saw it coming. I don’t remember my dad much, but I remember how he was in the days leading up to when he left.’

-”Stupid Sister,” Megumi said as Tsumiki tried to do the dishes. “Go to sleep. You suck at cleaning anyway.”

-A year of them living alone was fine. Neither of them asked for anything too much and Tsumiki tried to hide the fact that the money was running low as a year was about to pass

-Megumi was having trouble sleeping one night and he and Tsumiki were playing hand shadows. and then. DOGS. Tsumiki screamed but then started coddling them whereas Megumi was just like shocked.

-Megumi was confused at Tsumiki’s naivety but eventually the dogs melted into the shadows again

-Enter creepy dude with white hair.

-Tsumiki saw him talking to Megumi, got a broom, and attempted to whack this giraffe on the head

-But infinity kicked in, and Gojo was invited inside to explain everything.

-Literally everything. Tsumiki asked a lot of questions and was taking notes. If this was something Megumi would be involved in, she had to know as much as she could. They would have been more skeptical had Megumi not discovered his technique.

-Gojo stayed the night by accident, and woke up to Megumi and Tsumiki using the stove, cooking food etc and he wasn’t surprised that they could do this, but rather annoyed that a second grader and first grader could do this and he couldn’t.

-When Gojo ‘officially’ became their guardian, he teleported into the house with party poppers and the certificate yelling “IM YOUR GUARDIAN!”

-Tsumiki just was in shock for a moment before politely smiling. She was more of an adult than this teenager at this point.

-Megumi just deadpanned and went “Why”.

-They had a nice little dinner after that, and because Gojo would always spoil them, they both got luxuries they never had before.

-They got like phones and ipads or ipods or whatever was the most popular product at the time. Tsumiki was so grateful and embarrassed whereas Megumi was annoyed but accepting.

-Tsumiki and Megumi would eat dinner together, and with Gojo whenever he came

-Tsumiki kept on trying to get Megumi to open up a lot more, and he always gets annoyed over it and will rarely ever talk about how he’s feeling

-Except that one night when Megumi had a nightmare that he was alone. Alone in the shadows, unable to summon anything to help him or comfort him, and just wandering down a dark, dark road. At one point, he entered a hall of mirrors, and he saw Tsumiki in one. He was so scared at that point that he kept on trying to get to her but she changed mirrors every time. Megumi shattered every mirror with his fists, cutting them open. In the end, all that was left was a lily flower.

-Megumi, aged 10, woke up crying silent tears and ran into Tsumiki’s room. Tsumiki woke up, concerned but aware that her prying would get her nowhere. She sat up and Megumi hugged her so tight. He ended up sleeping in her room for the next week after that.

-”Megumi..’

-” I’m gonna protect you-”

-”i.... okay.’

-Tsumiki never curses... unless talking about her father, her mother, and Megumi’s dad

-They are both aware Gojo killed him, he almost let it slip when first meeting Megumi and he relayed the info to Tsumiki.

-One time, Gojo asked about Tsumiki’s parents. Megumi was asleep at that point and Gojo was terrified.

-seeing the nice, angel, sunshine 12 year old he knew for years curse worse than Utahime whenever Gojo was remotely near her??

-Please, Tsumiki’s abandonment issues are off the chart. That’s why sometimes she gets too involved in Megumi’s life because she cannot lose him. No matter what. He’s her little brother who’ll scold her if she works too much or tries to take care of too many people.

-Now... for some reason, I Headcanon Tsumiki has lesbian, or having at least some kind of wlw vibes. Idk why...

-Tsumiki told Megumi first ofc, and he didn’t understand why it was a big deal.

-”Ok and?”

-”y-you don’t think it’s weird?”

-”You can like who you like, it isn’t hurting anyone. If you wanna date a girl, date a girl.”

-Tsumiki was grateful to have a brother like Megumi

-Now as for Megumi’s possible coming out for whatever his sexuality (personally i headcanon him as pan, but this will be opened ended for whatever you headcanon)

-Tsumiki just got so happy for him. Began researching everything about it.

-”AWWW MEGS!!”

-hugs. lots of hugs. Always.

-As they got older, they started to but heads more. but despite whatever petty arguments or fights they had, at the end of the day, they loved each other and would do anything for each other.

-and sadly... I gotta add some part of

AFTER THE CURSE:

-Megumi came in yelling and screaming. The denial?? He was convinced this was some prank to get him to stop fighting kids.

-It broke Gojo’s heart. It was the most emotion he ever saw from Megumi and that kind of hysterical accusation of it being a prank soon dissolved into full on sobbing. Gojo hugged the boy as tight as Tsumiki would

-”Never again... I’m... I’m going to get stronger. Then no curse will hurt her again... that’ll work right?”

-Gojo patted the boy head. “Yea... it will. But it won’t be easy.”

-Megumi’s emotions settled and he quickly wiped his tears away. His emotionless expression returned but it was different... There was more fire, more resolve, as he said “i know.”

-Every Friday he visits Tsumiki. He tells her everything that happened in the week.

-”And then he ate it. Tsumiki he may be more naive then you. He ate the finger.”

-When talking to Tsumiki, he reveals his ability to tell stories. Like it’s amazing. He can distinctively set up a scene and gets a little more emotion in his voice.

-God Forbid if Kugisaki or Itadori ever saw him when he told Tsumiki stories

—————————————————————

WOO! This has been in my drafts for a while, so here! I hope you enjoyed!

Thanks for reading!

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #fushiguro megumi #fushiguro tsumiki #megumi headcanons #satoru gojo #gojo satoru #jjk headcanons #jjk anime #anime #siblings #toji fushiguro

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racefortheironthrone · 3 years

Note

What do you think of Xavier?

Thanks to my experience writing the People’s History of the Marvel Universe series, I have a lot of thoughts about Charles Xavier.

I’m going to put them below the cut, because this is getting a bit long:

Why is Professor X So Difficult?

He’s a really tricky character to get right: one of the reasons why Silver Age Xavier keeps getting killed off and then brought back (often retconning this as him faking his death for some weird conspiratorial reason, which has helped to influence this idea of him being a bad, manipulative father figure) was that I think Stan and Jack had a legitimately hard time balancing the need for Xavier to play the Wise Mentor figure versus him being this overpowered and overly-tempting Deus Ex Machina that could solve every crisis and thus obviate the need for this team of teen superheroes.

Added to that is the difficulty of Xavier being a symbolically-loaded figure, whose ideology (referred to as “the dream” or “Xavier’s dream” in a way that Claremont meant to be a direct reference to what was actually not supposed to be the central metaphor of Dr. King’s speech) plays a major role in the mutant metaphor. Now, the analogy between King and Xavier has always been a flawed one for many reasons, but it can’t be disputed that there was something of a tendency to portray Xavier as a benevolent, saintly figure - hence why Claremont ultimately wanted to get rid of him in favor of Magneto as the Headmaster of the Xavier School, because he thought Magneto’s struggle to do good despite his background was more interesting than Xavier’s “uncomplicated” good nature.

In recent decades (certainly since Brubaker’s Deadly Genesis, although I would argue you see signs of it in Morrison’s New X-Men), there’s been a tendency to deal with this issue by giving Xavier such increasingly large feet of clay that it’s become an active hindrance to how the character is supposed to function within the story and vis-a-vis the audience. I would argue this created a great deal of unnecessary tension in the fandom come HOXPOX, where a significant part of the fandom was convinced that Xavier was mind-controlling characters who were supposed to have had a sincere change of mind, because if Xavier was involved, whatever he was involved with had to be bad or dangerous.

Who Is Charles Xavier?

I would argue it’s not necessary to villainize Xavier in order to have him be a complicated, well-rounded character, because if you strip him down to the essentials laid down by Jack, Stan, and Chris, he is a complicated, fascinating, sometimes infuriating individual.

Let’s start with the fact that he’s a very unusual figure to be the inspirational figure, let alone leader, of a social movement, because almost everything in his life screams privilege. Whereas the archetypal Silver Age Marvel character is a working class New Yorker, Xavier is old money (like Bruce Wayne, he has a manor that’s named after his family, and the manor has been in his family for ten generations) suburban Westchester. Given this heritage, his parents’ history as scientists working on the Manhattan project, and his own Korean War service, I’m almost certain that Silver Age Charles Xavier was a Rockefeller Republican in 1962 who turned around and voted for LBJ in 1964 because he considered Goldwater an unacceptable extremist but then turned around and voted for Richard Nixon in 1968.

There are only two things in Charles’ life that have ever marked him out as anything else than privileged. The first is that he’s a mutant - but the only way that this marked him out when his mutant powers activated in his adolescence is that this academic and athletic (more on that in a bit) prodigy lost his hair when he was in high school. The fact that he was able to hide his mutation is something that’s common to a lot of mutants with psychic powers - fellow telepaths like Jean, Emma, and Betsy all are able to pass in human society with ease - compared to physical ones, and as a result Xavier has always been very good at staying closeted as a mutant.

This has led to this paradoxical position, where Charles’ activism, his insistence that mutancy is a good thing that ought to be tolerated, welcomed, and developed like any other aptitude, is motivated by his experience of mutancy as an unalloyed good. At the same time,he has this firm belief that pro-mutant politics can coincide with remaining closeted as a mutant. Not only does Charles himself pose as a human ally for most of his political career - most notably in his debates with Bolivar Trask and William Stryker - and only comes out of the closet when possessed by his evil anima Cassandra Nova, but he also provides image transducers to members of the All-New X-Men to help them stay closeted as well.

The second is that he’s disabled. More specifically, Xavier is an adult paraplegic. Now, a lot of great work has been done applying the lessons of disability activism and disability theory to the X-Men and the Mutant Metaphor, but what I haven’t seen as much is an exploration of how Xavier’s particular history with his disability shapes his thinking about himself and mutancy.

Not all people with disabilities think about or experience disability in the same way, and one common dividing line is between people who developed their disability at birth or in early childhood versus those who develop their disabilities late in life. This is something that I’ve experienced personally as an adult amputee - my experience of my amputation, my prothesis, etc. is profoundly shaped by the fact that I have a lifetime’s experience of what it was like before my injury.

Prior to his injury, Charles led an extremely active life - he was a high school sports star, a world traveller (albeit in a rather Indiana Jones-style orientalist fashion), a decorated war veteran - and so he has a very different relationship to his body than someone like Whiz Kid, who despite being in a very similar situation physically has preferred to use his mutant gift to enhance his adaptive technology rather than try to get back to “normal.” Thus, it’s been a running theme of Xavier’s stories over the last forty years that he’s always trying to escape the chair - only to be returned to it by editorial mandate - and why it makes total sense that Xavier chose to be resurrected without his disability.

Why Is He So Bad at Politics?

As I’ve written about before, Xavier is notably bad at politics for someone who is, at base, a very political character. Notably, we mostly see Xavier engaging in politics through televised debates and other elite fora - this is something that started in the Silver Age with his debate with Bolivar Trask, it carried through to the Kelly hearings over the Mutant Registration Act where Xavier appeared as an accredited expert in genetics, and it carried through to his debate with the Reverend Stryer in “God Loves, Man Kills.”

However, at no point does it appear that Xavier is particularly winning any of these debates. Usually the audience responds to him as an eggheaded liberal academic, making high-minded calls for tolerance and calm that fail to engage people emotionally. (It doesn’t help that he’s pretending to be a human ally when both his interlocutors know or suspect that he’s secretly a mutant, allowing them to put him on the defensive.)

And this speaks to Charles’ background: Charles is an academic prodigy who came up through the world of elite higher education. He graduated high school early, and was attending Bard College in his early teens before transferring to Harvard, where he graduated with honors at only 16. He then went to Oxford University (where he met Moira) to do a dual PhD in Genetics and Biophysics, and then went on to Columbia University where he did another joint PhD in Psychology, Psychiatry, and Anthropology.

This is educationally superfluous in the extreme, and it speaks to a certain kind of thinking that can pop up in people who were academic prodigies or went through gifted and talented programs - Charles has difficulty with social interactions, because he didn’t have much in common with his chronological peer group and spent a lot of his life in a bubble of other academics. Notably, Moira described him as “arrogant” and having a “god complex,” which wouldn’t come off well in political situations where emotional communication is crucial.

And I think this academic arrogance helps to explain why Xavier decided to operationalize his dream through an elite private school with himself as headmaster, rather than pursuing the more politically-sensible path of (in the context of the 1960s and 1970s) starting up campus-based social movement organizations meant to mobilize mutants and human sympathizers and building connection between his mutant rights movement and the broader “movement of movements” that had emerged by the 1970s.

#xmen #xmen meta #charles xavier #professor x

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local-starry-catboi · 3 years

Text

Right or Wrong Challenge

Introduction

I had stumbled upon this challenge after seeing it pinned at the top of the One Piece Amino featured page back in April 2019. It was the first challenge I entered after actually becoming active. I decided to polish this blog a little (aka match the formatting to Tumblr, hope I don't fuck up-), to post it here as well •^•

Decided to pick the imagine-yourself-as-marine-so-which-justice-do-you-follow-for-reasons question the leaders of this challenge set up. On the one hand because it seemed interested, on the other hand because it looked like it might be one of the easier questions to answer for my 🍞 brain. After typing out everything though, I can say that it's actually tougher than it looked like at the first glance to be honest. Especially not deciding what justice and why..

The challenge question set up was

"If you were a marine, whose justice would you follow and why? Or do you have your own sense of justice? If so, explain."

Definition(s) of Justice

Many people define justice by other things, like how they know it, how they feel about it, if it's important or not, what makes a decision just or unjust.

That leads us to a spot where there are a few points to consider. So first off, it makes sense to start by breaking up the meaning of justice using three methods.

First option:

"Justice [noun], coming from the Latin word 'justitia'; refers to just behaviour or treatment, the quality of being fair and reasonable as well as the administration of the law or authority in maintaining this." - Oxford Dictionary.

Second option:

"Justice, at it's base, means 'to be just, fair'. Most commonly however, the meaning of justice is to punish a criminal that has done something wrong in a suitable manner that fits their crime." - One Piece.

Third option:

"[...] Justice will prevail, you say? But of course it will! Whoever wins this war becomes justice!" - Doflamingo during the Paramount War.

So far:

Firstly, to sum up: In the end, the first two definitions go hand-in-hand with each other. The definitions of justice are in some thing close to each other and in some things they are far apart from each other. On the whole this means that even though they both use different words, are the same in the end of the day.

Secondly, hence the Marine is actually the "good" fraction in One Piece whereas the pirates are the actual antagonists, they have to shoulder and act out their role as eyes and sword of the law, judging over those who were unjust towards the law due to criminal activities.

Thirdly, the way Doffy looks at justice is also interesting though, hence he points at the fact that those with the great power usually decide what justice is. This way the stronger fraction also decides what is right and what is wrong. I wanted to put him into this as well because his viewpoint is interesting, too, even though he's not a Marine.

But now let's get back to the topic, shall we~?

Lastly: Moreover, every single one of the forms of justice has its right and a good reason to exist. Why you ask? Because not every living being thinks the same way like another. Even animals seem to possess another sense of righteousness and justice as humans - in addition, they differ from animal to animal as well. The effect of this is that Kuzan's statement he gave to Jaguar D. Sauro back then, that "The thing called 'justice' changes its shape... Depending on where you stand." is true, too. As a result, every form of justice is true - only depending on from which side you look at it.

Despite this freedom of opinion like with this topic, the Marines' general way of justice can be looked at as some sort of 'ridding the world from everything evil existing there".

Types of Justice

Since there are multiple types of justice given in the world of One Piece, lead by the Admirals, the CP9 and other Marines, I'll explain each of them.

Akainu's Absolute Justice:

His motto regarding the Absolute Justice is the "Thorough Justice". He seems to stick to this doctrine as close as possible, yet seemingly does not to mind going against it on the other side, judging by how he reacts to Coby, deserters, pirates and the likens. If Sakazuki comes up with any issues regarding illegal activities, I believe it's better to rethink these choices and to put in at least a bit of benevolence. It's an efficient option to differenciate well between those who can be taken down without major consequences or remorses and those who can "stay".

Lucci's Dark Justice:

Supposedly the CP0's kitty cat can be compared to Batman - to a certain degree at least. He bases his sense of justice on his own personal philosophy of "Neccessary Evil". Thus, he only destroys those who go against the interests of the World Government to defend them ( = the interests). For this, he himself becomes evil to support his ideals. Besides the fact, that he doesn't seem to care much about it, possibly comes from the WG deciding what justice is for him and the other CP agents. Thus, this results in him having his reasons for choosing this type of justice.

Aokiji's Lazy Justice:

The Lazy Justice (before it was the Burning or Fired Up Justice) is the rather laid-back opposite of the Thorough Justice in my eyes. It underlines his lack of interest and relaxed attitude towards many things as long as he doesn't think about a situation worthy enough for him to intervene. This is part of Moral Justice, thus acting according to it when it's needed. It shows well how he doesn't care about much that happens around him besides the complexity of his character. The Lazy Justice could be a sign to point out that it doesn't always need a ruthless man leading the sword of justice, but can also take a more relaxed but equally capable.

Fujitora's Blind Justice:

Besides the Moral or Virtuous Justice type of motto Isshō follows, he sticks to his own ideals instead of the Marine's Absolute Justice doctrine. He acts according to what he thinks to be morally fine like bringing those to justice who act without moral or anything. All this is underlined by the fact that he took his own eyesight to never see the unjustice of corruption done otherwise. This way Fujitora goes as far as taking responsibilites onto himself which other members of the Marine wouldn't have had to take otherwise if they were in his shoes.

Kizaru's Unclear Justice:

As its name states and how he possess a neutral attitude towards the Absolute Justice, it's somewhat unclear, how to define his type of justice. Except for the fact that it's mercy what he lacks, he doesn't really show a lot of passion or anything to pursue justice most of the time, however. If things restrain him from achieving his goal he only gets slightly annoyed and that's it, unlike Sakazuki for example.

Smokers' Eat Shit Justice:

He follows his own path of justice, unlike the majority of his colleagues do. Out of most of the Marine, he appears to be the most "normal" out of the bunch. Smoker seems to act on some sort of "be nice to me or I'll kill you" codex, like it was shown back during the Alabasta Arc for example. His Eat Shit Justice may be one of the more humane types of justice. After all though you shouldn't get on his bad side then or it surely will be over as soon as it is like with the other types of justice.

Conclusion Time

Now, to the interesting part. Whose justice would I and why?

That's actually a really tough decision. I had to think a lot between three types of justice, yet all of the ones mentioned above have their pros and cons. Eat shit, Lazy and Blind were the ones I couldn't choose between first.

But behold.. In the end I came to my current point: By a high chance I would follow Smoker's ideals of justice - as long as I understood and interpreted it correctly and not completely wrong, of course.

Why I chose his one over the others, you want to know?

The answer is simple. It's partially a thing of good education, I suppose. My landlords (called ✨ parents ✨ by some others) always said I have to be nice to others unless they become rude, there's the point then to just go out of their way. Just a typical thing every little kid hears, one day after another, so nothing special. Over the last few years however (to be exactly back when I came into 5th grade, middle school), I kind of accustomed myself to not always just take diverse comments, rude behaviour and all the likens because not all of the other students of my year were nice. Since then I decided to not take shit from most others who are constantly rude and toxic, especially for no reason. That's the reason why I follow the motto of "Be nice to me and I'm nice to you. Be, constantly, a bitch to me and I'll bitch back so eat shit, you idjit.".

Outroduction

Yee, so that was the blog •3• I surprisingly won with it, although it was the first one I had ever written, I've linked the original post from OPA. Looking back now, it sort of feels like a very lame, plain and boring character analysis and by now, I'd put far more effort into it.

Credits

Treasure Cruise renders on the dividers by KaizokuJotei on DeviantArt, and edited in PicsArt.

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kitkatopinions · 3 years

Note

Can we talk about the rampant bi/panphobia surrounding Yang "looks at guys like they're fresh meat in the first 3 volumes and chibi" Xiao Long? Blake's gets brought up a lot as 90% of her reason for existing is to be the romancable NPC, but it's hardly talked about with Yang. She has shown express interest in guys. Even if Bees goes canon, it's not a Bi/Lesbian ship. It's a Bi/Bi or Bi/Pan ship or what ever other possible identity that doesn't erase Yang's attraction to men. I get the whole wanting rep thing but there's more lesbians in RWBY than any other LGBT identity and they aren't really that good in terms of representation. Do we really need another angry/aggressive/problematic lesbian in RWBY? And whenever it does get brought up, Lesbian!Yang fans always go "oh, it's just comphet". Um, excuse me? Isn't comphet not supposed to be a thing in Remnant?

Okay, so there's a lot to unpack here, and I do get why you're so frustrated because as a bi person, it gets so frustrating dealing with not only a huge lack of representation, but also feeling boxed out of, undervalued by, and invalidated by your own community sometimes. I myself have been really frustrated and even hurt by the way many RWBY fans (and specifically Bumblebee fans) have talked about Blake and Yang's sexuality, like they would be less gay or less rep if they were bi, how shipping them with men is 'wrong' because it's 'straight behavior' and 'validating the straights,' and I got particularly annoyed once by a post that claimed that people only shipped Yang and Weiss so that they could force Blake - who they claimed was a canon lesbian - into a relationship with a man. I think it's clear why people talk about Blake's status as bi more than Yang's - Yang has one moment in eight seasons where she acts clearly attracted to men, whereas Blake has had two canon romantic relationships with men, Adam being her ex and her having gone on a date with and kissed Sun on the cheek. When people dispute Blake's status as a bi, sometimes they (rightly) come at it from the point of view of 'this is just my own personal headcanon for my own benefit.' But too often, Blake's attraction to men is dismissed outright and fans try and find every excuse to invalidate it so that they can insist that Blake is a canon lesbian. That's pretty openly biphobic imo. (Also I don't agree that 90% of Blake's character is a romancable NPC. I think maybe she's become mostly not an active character who only really exists as support and romance, but the idea that it's 90% of her overall show character is weird to me, Blake is done dirty by the show but that doesn't mean she's not a character for the first five seasons.)

But Yang is also worth talking about. Because of the fact that her moment of displaying clear attraction towards men is brief and early in the show, many fans have just... Thrown it out entirely, and decided that not only does it not count, but that anyone who brings it up is living in the past and is stupid for paying attention to the early seasons. That's obviously really dumb. The idea that after the first five seasons, Yang is displaying clear romantic attraction towards a girl for the first time, she is now one hundred percent a lesbian in canon because she's only displayed romantic attraction towards men once... That's also rooted in biphobia. Being attracted to men doesn't just suddenly go away because you're attracted to women and vice versa, no one chooses to be bi, gay, straight, ace, whatever. If Yang was sexually attracted towards men at seventeen, that part of her doesn't stop existing just because she's sexually attracted to women too. The thing is, headcanoning Yang (or even Blake!) as a lesbian is totally fine. I think the RWBY creators did say that sexism, racism, and homophobia doesn't exist in Remnant, but like ??? Idk why they'd decide something like that if they were gonna make jokes about Jaune and Qrow wearing skirts haha laugh at the non-gender-conformity of men, and if they'd write the first five seasons with literally one gay character, while tons of straight relationships that get credence, everyone else expresses no clear romantic inclination towards the same sex for five years of the show running. And we're supposed to think there's no heteronormativity at least? Cardin and Jaune both have clear toxic masculinity problems that Jaune grows out of, but we're supposed to think that toxic masculinity has nothing to do with any sexism or homophobia, however internalized? I think if people want their fans to believe there is not sexism or homophobia or racism in their fake world, they need to make good and sure their own internalized issues don't leak into their work. So I don't think it's wholly invalid when people decide that in their headcanon, they think Yang just acted like she was attracted to men because she thought she should. I especially think it's valid for people to headcanon that Yang had acted like she attracted to men because she thought she was. She was only seventeen, seventeen year olds put on behavior that they think is cool and she is the niece of Qrow 'wink at Winter to piss her off' Branwen, and Yang could've realized maybe during school that putting on behavior was all that was, and that she isn't actually attracted towards men and likes girls - specifically the girl dancing with Sun at the school ball. That's perfectly valid as a headcanon. But that's all it is, a headcanon.

Yang is not a canon lesbian and it's perfectly valid and supported by Yang's canon interactions for people to consider her bi or pan, and people can even headcanon her as ace if they want. Trying to demand that other people see fictional characters as the sexuality you prefer them in is just going to drive wedges, especially when so much venom seems to be directed towards bi characters, with others acting like they're literally less rep if they also have romantic interactions with people of the opposite sex. Like, people literally have the idea of "I love that Blake is bi, but I hate that people are shipping her with men or talking about Blake's romances with men and idk why the show put any focus on her romantically interacting with men." Like, sure, okay, so you support bi characters so long as they don't be bi too obviously. But... I'm getting off topic.

Here's the thing... I would caution not to get too deep in this "there's too many lesbians," concept. We're supposed to all be one community, supporting and fighting for each other. The problem isn't that there's too much representation for lesbians, the problem is that there is not enough representation for bi people, or pan, or ace, or trans men, or trans women, or non-binary people, etc. We don't have to wish less for other gay people to wish for more for ourselves. I agree that disregarding Yang's moment of attraction to men maybe isn't the way to go, but it's not that there are already enough lesbians in RWBY. There are only three side characters (by the way, two of them aren't confirmed lesbians, just because they're in a relationship with each other,) two of whom made a very minor appearance in all of two or three episodes and will likely never return to the story. As you say, the rep that lesbians have gotten in RWBY isn't very good. Them desiring more representation is perfectly valid, and I even get them wanting that representation from Yang, despite her single moment of lusting after boys in season one. That's a perfectly understandable desire. I myself want gay Neptune despite him expressing interest in women. It's not wrong. The only thing that's wrong is villainizing and mocking people for their own very valid ships like BlackSun or Yang x Jaune or Yang x Mercury or Blake x Ren or whatever ships people like. I'm sorry that I can't agree with you here, but if there was a scene in RWBY where Yang discusses her feelings for Blake and says that she realized she's a lesbian... I might not be particularly happy with the writing staff, because I already heard there's an element of disregarding Blake's former relationship with Sun in things like the comics, which is frustrating as a bi person. But I would be happy for the people who would find in this something that speaks to them and makes them feel like their own experiences are represented. Sometimes I can feel excluded from the LGBTQ+ community due to my attraction towards men, and that's hard, but I'm not going to start devaluing the victories of other gay people because of it, I'm not going to start getting upset when they get representation, or when a character they love claims an identity that reflects their own.

I do get where your frustration is coming from though, and it's perfectly valid to feel upset and exasperated both with the way MKEK write their queer relationships and in how people in the fandom tend to disregard the bi identity of characters.

#rwde #anti rwby #rwby criticism #rwby critical #representation in rwby

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krisrix · 4 years

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Saw a post about the "lack” of trauma in Wayward Son, especially in comparison to the representations of trauma in Carry On. Which seemed like a gross oversimplification of the many ways trauma can manifest and therefore came across to me as dismissive and gate-keeping, whether or not that was the intent.

There is no one correct way of experiencing, exhibiting, or depicting mental health/trauma. And these things shift within everyone all the time. The way a person’s trauma manifests at one point will not be how it always manifests. That’s part of the problem.

So, I thought I would offer some of my own thoughts about the ways we see Simon and Baz’s mental health issues and trauma played out in WS, especially in comparison to how we see it in CO.

This is NOT exhaustive. I am likely going to forget many things. But it’s something.

Simon:

Simon shows signs of PTSD, depression, anxiety, and rejection sensitivity dysphoria

These were all things he had in CO, but they were well-hidden thanks to his compartmentalization abilities and the fact that he was held together by pure stress and adrenaline at all times

Pretty much every single thing shown to us in CO is also shown to us in WS, though sometimes in more subtle ways - name it, it’s probably there

Now that he has his own space, his own rules, and no reason to fear for his life on a constant basis (no care homes, no attacks, no Big Bad, no roommate out to get him), he actually has SAFETY and COMFORT for the first time in his life - and he has no fucking clue what to do with it!

He crumples under the complete LACK of pressure - it was the only thing holding him together

He’s developed a drinking problem, neglected his hygiene, dropped out of school, and gained weight due to lack of maintaining his usual levels of self-care - this is not someone being “listless” - this is someone with mental health concerns on a level where intervention is needed

But rather than tackle this, Simon forces his brain to continue its attempts at compartmentalization, and he stops going to therapy

Except he can’t do that anymore, because Pandora’s box has been opened - AND, again, he has no external pressures keeping him going

He feels hopeless about his future and views himself as completely useless

His self-esteem is awful to the point where he is sabotaging his own health and relationship

He thinks he’s showing Baz “who is really is”, but he’s actually just discrediting himself entirely, showing us his self-destructive hero complex in a different way than in CO

He’s still reactive and loses control - he screams at Penny when she uses her magic on him, he’s itching for a fight, and he’s also channelled a lot of this into possessiveness

He still shows his black-and-white morality continuously throughout the book - not trusting the vampires, throwing his life on the line to save Agatha even though he knows it’s a trap, still quoting the Mage, etc

He only comes to life when he finally has a reason to be useful again

He kills vampires and possibly kills Terry - this is not surprising - he spent his entire childhood as a soldier, slashing things, blowing things up, etc - WS is showing us this side to him explicitly, whereas it was more glossed over in CO - but it was always there (he killed an excitable dog in CO, remember?)

He is disfigured - he cannot go out in public without depending on someone’s magic (which we already know from CO that he hates!) or covering up oddly in a trenchcoat

Even with those things, he can’t go confined places - like the Tube - or a public toilet!!!

Prior to Penny’s new spell, he had not been able to sit up straight properly for over a year - OVER A YEAR - he probably has chronic pain on top of the trauma of this

Baz:

Simon tells us he’s “blossoming” - that does not mean it’s necessarily true

Baz has thrown himself completely into his studies, and whenever he is not on campus, he is babysitting Simon

He is still coping with self-destructive martyrdom - he devotes all his time to Simon and does whatever he can to make Simon comfortable

One remnant of their history as enemies manifests in how Baz is terrified to set his boundaries in the relationship - he’s always on eggshells, he’s always counting himself lucky to be in Simon’s good graces at all, after everything

He watches everything he says around Simon - he’s terrified of giving Simon a reason to officially end things - the teaching-Simon-to-drive scene is a perfect example - it’s sweet and flirty and sexy, but also, Baz is SO careful about making sure Simon doesn’t get frustrated with him or the process

He still sees himself as unworthy of love - which is why he would rather have what little shreds of a relationship they still have left, than nothing at all

He is MISERABLE in America - he is starving and being burned alive and gets shot multiple times!! And he never once complains - that’s not admirable - that’s sad - that’s really fucking sad

He continues to put all of his dignity and pride into his external self, both visually and through his academic achievements, rather than into his mental and emotional well-being - perhaps even MORE than ever before, given how much he’s “blossomed” despite not going to therapy

These are high-functioning mental health issues - not a lack of them

He still hides his vulnerability and affections - he still never feels safe being himself - both as a vampire and as Simon’s boyfriend - coincidence? I think the fuck not

He likens Simon kissing him after the Ren Faire fight to when they shared magic, taking down the dragon - he thinks about how this time, he doesn’t need to pretend he’s not soaring inside - and then a few hours pass, and Simon pulls away from his kiss, and Baz has to go right back to hiding

He spent his entire childhood playing the villain, and now that he doesn’t have to anymore, we get to see that this is not who he was in the slightest

He’s the one appalled when Penny is doing illegal things - he’s the one always trying to talk them out of an altercation - he WANTS to be good but wasn’t allowed to before

He IS loyal - very loyal - and Simon uses this against him in subtle ways

He has no idea who he is - but we do get to see him try to find out, thankfully - it’s a matter of how much of this he is willing to accept and use as a catalyst for his own self-actualization - this is a journey he has only just begun - which should be celebrated, not seen as a dismissal of his struggles which came before

“You live in fear! In denial!” - pretty sure that says it all

There is so much more than this, but I am just so fucking tired.

Feel free to reblog, add your own thoughts, counter-points, etc. I love a good discussion. Just be respectful, ok? It’s not hard.

#simon snow #baz pitch #snowbaz #wayward son #simon snow series #trauma #sss meta #this is not what I needed to spend my entire morning on #but here we are

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flamingo-writes · 4 years

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Yours/His— Wakatoshi x Reader

Summary: Despite being completely different people, you found comfort in each other’s company. And after a couple of years of friendship, it seemed only natural that the two of you fell in love with each other. Even though you weren't the “type” of girl Ushijima Wakatoshi liked. However, you were the first girl to ever make him feel like that.

Posted: 08.14.2020

A/N: I intended this to be a short fluffy drabble...inspired by the song Shooting Star. But then, as I began writing, it all gt out of hand and I ended up writing 8K words...What’s more impressive is that I managed to write them in two days, so, that’s a new record for me. Happy late birthday to Wakatoshi, I guess.

Word Count: 8.6 K

Warnings: Smut, smutty smut. And curse words.

If there was a word to describe you, it was: wild. It was incredibly amazing how someone as wild as you managed to be in a relationship with Ushijima Wakatoshi. To his friends seemed only obvious, while the rest of the school thought it was ironic.

Ushijima Wakatoshi was known for being not very bright, and yet, the ace player in the volleyball team. He was stronger than most, he was disciplined enough to never skip practice, even disciplined enough to always hand in homework even though he wasn't the brightest student. He had a weird fascination with following the rules. And had his mind set on his goal.

Along the way, he has had a few crushes here and there, but those girls never seemed to stick around for long. These girls followed the imposed image of the 'perfect wife' according to his mother. Gentle, polite, pretty, dedicated to their studies, and supportive. However, that last trait was always put to test, since Ushijima's obsession with Volleyball was usually what made his relationships end. He never truly loved a girl enough to stick with her for long.

At least, not before you. The two of you met thanks to Satori. And it didn't come as a surprise that you and Satori were best friends. You were both equally chaotic and clever.

And boy, you were clever. Whereas you weren't precisely the gentlest, nor the politests, you sure were dedicated to your studies, and incredibly supportive.

Sure, you constantly came off as rude for addressing people by their first name right after meeting them, and you usually spoke your mind through sarcastic remarks, sometimes hurting people in the process. But god, Ushijima's friends admired your patience since you were always willing to help him with his homework and helped him study, since Ushijima seemed to struggle with complicated classes like vocab and calculus.

You managed to effortlessly come up with ways to help him learn kanji, and with such easy explanations for calculus. Not only your patience, but your passion when it came to teaching, it didn't surprise anyone when you told them you wanted to be a teacher.

"You're very good at it" Walatoshi said once.

Your constant presence around Wakatoshi, as well as him constantly relying on you for several things not only made your friendship grow slowly, but a sort of endearment took over you whenever it came to Wakatoshi. Whereas you were sarcastic and sometimes mean to others, you had a terribly obvious soft spot for him. Something even Wakatoshi could tell.

This different treatment made him feel good, if he said so himself. He liked to be the only one who was immune to your wild mood swings and sometimes hurtful sarcasm. Even between your friends, your jokes sometimes got out of hand, but by this point your friends knew it was in your nature.

The stoic, serious, and intimidating Ushijima Wakatoshi was the only one safe from the equally intimidating, laidback, explosive you. And soon, this gentle treatment not only got into his head, it slowly made its way to his heart. And after a year and a half of highschool, he admitted his feelings for you, not only to himself, but to Tendou.

"Oh, shit, I knew this was gonna happen!" Satori laughed. "Oh boy, Semi is gonna be so pissed when he finds out!" Pulling his phone at once, texting Semi at the speed of light.

"Why is that?" Wakatoshi said, hearing the soft clicks Tendo's phone made as he texted.

"I made a bet with him. He betted [Name]-chan was gonna fall in love first, I said it was going to be you. And for a moment, I thought he was gonna win" Tendo giggled mischievously, proud as if it had been his doing instead of fate.

"Semi betted that she was gonna develop feelings for me first?" Wakatoshi wasn't used to the feeling of his cheeks burning gently, and certainly, he wasn't aware of the fact that he was blushing, very much to Satori's amusement.

"Yes! And actually, she's not far from falling down that hill, so, now that I won my bet, I can help you steal her heart, tiger" Satori winked and hit Wakatoshi gently on the ribs with his skinny elbow.

"You think I need your help?" Wakatoshi asked, completely clueless.

"Well, normally, I'd say yes. But I'm pretty sure if you keep being yourself, she'll eventually be heads over hills for you" Wakatoshi frowned at this, confused by what Satori meant.

"Why would she be heads over hills?"

"Oh boy, this is why she finds you cute. It's figure speech, dude. It means she'll be madly in love with you"

"So, I should just keep being me?" His eyebrows relaxed at this and sighed deeply, relieved.

"Yeah, if you wanna speed that process, ask her out or whatever…I hope Semi sees his phone soon" Satori chuckled sheepishly.

Ushijima never realized how easy it was to be your friend. You were always there whenever he needed a hand, whether if it was for school or if he was dealing with personal issues. To the point of learning basic volleyball skills and knowledge to help him train on the weekends.

And just as you were always there for him, he always was for you. The thing about being as free spirited as you were, meant you'd have a lot of people chasing after your igniting freedom. And Wakatoshi was the perfect guy to scare off the guys who didn't have good intentions or those who wouldn't take no for an answer. Just like keeping you sane from the school work and pressure of keeping straight A's to keep your scholarship by distracting you, taking you out to play volleyball with him, sometimes he dragged you along his jogs around the streets, sometimes just to hang out in his dorm.

But then the fear washed over him like very few things in life. The fearless Shiratorizawa Monster, afraid of asking his best friend out on a date and possibly crossing the line. What if he ended up breaking your heart in the process? Or if he scared you away? What if things went perfectly fine, but given your nature, his mother and you didn't get along?

He hated to admit it, but he was terribly attached to his family. And the idea of defying or starting any kind of family drama unsettled him.

The idea of losing you terrified him even worse, though. And clung to the idea of staying your friend for years and years to come. Everything would be easier if you just stayed friends. Right?

He was afraid of flying too close to the sun.

At least until he did, and found out his wings weren't made out of wax. Or maybe, he wasn't even flying close to the sun, instead he was chasing after a shooting star.

His feelings for you got out of hand one night. One blissful night, in which he learned so much about himself as a man. And about you. By the end of the night, he knew that you were the perfect match for him, regardless of what everyone expected of him. By the end of the night, he was yours. and you were his.

The last party before graduating. Before he left Shiratorizawa and joined a professional volleyball team. And before you went to university and majored in history.

The traditional Third Year Graduation Party took place not so far away from your place, and as expected, this party turned wilder than the one from the previous year, as the tradition dictated.

Very much against his will, Wakatoshi was dragged to the party by Satori. And for the first hour he was beyond uncomfortable trying to avoid the drunken people and their fuckery.

"Toshi, you keep disappearing!" You sang upon finding your friend for a fifth time within the same hour.

"I'm sorry, it's not on purpose" He said leaning closer to you so you could hear him among the chaos taking place in such a small house "This much noise and close space makes me uncomfortable" He said.

"C'mon, lets go outside" You said, grabbing his arm and guiding him through the crowd "I could use some fresh air myself" You walked out the door, towards the front yard and into the sidewalk away from the people gathered in the garden.

Wakatoshi noticed how your steps were slightly clumsier and your cheeks seemed to be rosier than usual.

"Are you okay?" He asked, still not sure what was it about you that was different, but definitely noticing something was off.

"I'm tipsy, and I'm having a good time" You said clinging to his arm as you sat down on the edge of the sidewalk and stared at the sky. "But if I keep drinking, I'll go from tipsy and fun to wasted and cringy, and we do not want that"

"Oh" Wakatoshi murmured sitting next to you, his shoulder brushing yours.

"It was the vodka. I've drunk sake before, and normally don't get drunk this fast. But a single glass of vodka with juice and I'm already like this" You giggled pointing at your face.

"You want me to take you home?" He asked.

"Nah, I just got here" You sighed looking at your friend. "Unless, you want to get away from here" You said looking into your friend's eyes.

"How did you…" His voice trailed off.

"Ushijima Walatoshi, I know you, and I can tell you would like to be somewhere else but here. C'mon, let's go home"

"Didn't you want to stay?"

"I got what I wanted, I got tipsy with cheap foreign alcohol, and I wanted to have fun. I had both, and now, I'd like to have fun with you, Toshi-kun. And if you need to go somewhere else to have fun, then I'll gladly go wherever you go" You smiled, noticing how Wakatoshi smiled softly upon hearing you.

"Isn't your mom home?" He was worried that you might get in trouble for arriving home drunk, however, he forgot your mother was considerably younger than the average, and was a lot more open minded than most moms Wakatoshi knew.

"She said she was gonna go drinking with her friends from the office, and she told me that as long as I didn't come back drunker than her, then it was all fine"

"Oh" He purred "You think she'll get drunk?"

"Of course! Not drunk enough for it to be a problem, but drunk enough to not mind if I get drunk" You giggled.

"You want to get drunk?"

"No, not really. I'd like to stay tipsy for a few more hours, but I can do that with the sake my mum has at home"

"Isn't she gonna mind?

"Gosh, stop worrying and let's go! It's gonna be fine, I promise!"

With a single hop you stood up and offered Wakatoshi your hand to help him up. He chuckled, thinking how easy it was for you to be so carefree when he would be worrying about all the circumstances. He grabbed your hand, more as a courtesy, since he didn't have a single problem standing up, but still felt the urge to feel your small hand in his.

Once he was standing on his feet, his gut twisted and tickled upon noticing how you didn't let go of his hand. The sweet anxiety drew a wider smile on his face as he walked next to you, still holding onto your hand. He wondered if it was because you were drunk.

The party was barely a 20 minute walk from your house, so Wakatoshi didn't even have to ask where you were going, as he noticed how you took the way uphill, towards your place.

The wind was chilly, but not enough for it to be a problem. Besides, you were walking, legs warming up as the street inclined slowly. Still holding your hand, every so often, he'd look at you, blessing his eyes and his heart with the gentle sight of the absentminded smile on your face as you hummed.

He remembered the many times Semi asked you to sing a song with him and record it, but you always refused since you were shy and only sang when you felt comfortable and only around those you trusted the most.

"[Name], c'mon, your voice is gorgeous!" Semi said one time he showed you a song he'd written, and Wakatoshi had been there in the dorm when it happened.

Soon, you kept flattering him with subtle actions. Holding his hand, quietly walking uphill in the middle of the night, and now, the soft humming slowly evolving into singing. Your soft voice singing in a low voice, a song he couldn't name, but thought it was a cute song.

He didn't say anything until you finished singing with a loud sigh. He looked at you dreamily as you looked at your house slowly appearing on the horizon.

"That was beautiful"

"Thank you, Toshi" You whispered, savouring his name on your lips.

The hill was covered in small white houses, all of them looking pretty similar. In front of the stretching wall of houses, there was a lookout, decorated with a nice iron balcony, and one feet tall concrete cubes following the edge of the sidewalk to keep cars for parking near the edge.

You walked towards the lookout, stopping before one of the concrete cubes and stepping on one of them.

No longer feeling tipsy, you effortlessly hopped on top, letting go of Wakatoshi's hand in the process and balancing your arms. However, Wakatoshi wasn't sure if you still felt drunk, and instinctively stretched one of his arms to your waist, helping you balance.

"Easy there," He said.

"It's okay, I got this" you said, resting one of your hands on his shoulder.

Now standing on the concrete cube, you were taller, shortening the height difference between you and your friend. Not used to this new height, you gazed around you.

"Is this what it feels like being so tall?" You broke the silence as Wakatoshi looked away from the view and towards you.

"Yeah, I guess" He chuckled softly, gazing at you.

You locked stares with his olive eyes, thinking it only made sense how many girls fell for those sweet captivating orbs. Sure, he looked stoic most of the time, still his eyes were beautiful. Even more so when he was smiling, just like he was now.

The sort of comfortable smile that appeared when he was around his close friends, having a good time, not thinking of responsibilities. It was a unique smile you adored so much. And right now, you had that smile to yourself alone.

"How nice" You murred as your mind focused on his hand, still on your waist. Feeling the weight and the warmth burning through your skin. "Being this tall. Specially for a guy, tall guys are a blessing, I swear, there's something so stupidly attractive about a tall guy"

"Well, yeah. But finding shoes of my size is kinda of a problem…" You giggled at his remark. "Trousers too"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Japan isn't precisely tall-people friendly, is it?" You remarked.

"Yeah" Wakatoshi nodded.

"Toshi"

"Hmm?"

"Close your eyes" He looked at you and blinked a few times, confused, curious, before asking.

"Okay. What for?"

"Listen to the city breathe" You closed your eyes and remained silent, trying to focus on the sweet hums of the city, the traces of the sounds that brought a city alive.

"Sometimes I don't understand what you say" He said bluntly, closing his eyes.

"Me neither. And that's okay" You giggled opening your eyes.

You stared at Ushijima savouring the gentle breeze hitting his face, as he listened closely to the sounds of the city. Not noticing you were staring at him with a stare that seemed to melt into a puddle of adoration.

You leaned closer to him, kissing the corner of his mouth so delicately, Ushijima took a while to realize what had happened. And once he did, he opened his eyes and gazed at you, noticing the blush on your cheeks as your stare seemed to scan his face bit by bit.

"[Name]..." He whispered.

"Did you know" You cut him off with a soft voice "Satori and Semi had a bet going on?"

"Ye-yeah…" He admitted.

"Those idiots won't tell me who won. Do you happen to know who did?" You raised an eyebrow, knowing he knew, but had your suspicions that he wouldn't tell you either.

"Yes" He said coldly.

"And?"

"I'm sorry, I'm not—"

"Of course" You interrupted him once more "I should've known that you'd be on their side" You giggled. "Well, it doesn't matter now, does it?"

"What do you mean?"

"I know you like me. And I like you, too. A lot, actually. But always felt a bit scared of saying it"

Wakatoshi stared at you, wondering where this whole honesty was coming from. He knew alcohol had this effect in people, but right now you were moving a lot more coordinated and spoke eloquently as always.

"Are you still drunk?"

"No, not really" You sighed "But, we're graduating next week, and, I promised myself I'd tell you before graduation"

Something about you enchanted him so much. Your wild, untamed and spontaneous nature, sometimes rubbed off on him. Specially as time went by, he realized he was becoming less and less strict with himself, allowing himself to be spontaneous every once in a while, although, not as frequently as regular people his age were.

But this time was different. As soon as he thought about it, he acted. He knew that the less he reasoned his thoughts, the easier it'd be to act.

He leaned closer, one of his hands reached your cheek and pulled you closer to him, as he crashed his lips with yours. His lips pressing gently against yours as a surprised hum escaped your lips before giving in to the kiss.

You kissed him back, locking lips and breathing in deeply. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders you pulled him closer, eager to feel his body next to yours. He mirrored your movements and squeezed you, snaking his arms around your waist. Very tightly. Such closeness allowed you to feel the rise and fall of his chest as you kissed over and over and over again. He felt the traces of cranberry juice in your breath, though he didn't give it much of a thought, he was far more busy savouring the kiss itself.

The both of you losing all sense of time and orientation. The both of you got lost in the moment, feeling the anxiety build up in your stomach as you remained kissing desperately, as if the world was about to end.

The kiss that had been haunting him in his dreams finally happened, in a much better way than he ever imagined. Your hands moving across his back, as he felt your fingers brush his hair before you closed your grip on his hair, as your mouth fought for dominance.

Your tight grip on his hair, along with your tongue teasingly brushing his lip, and your body pressed against his, it all played out like an orchestra. Building the tension, kissing you and holding you close, suddenly wasn't enough. His body urged him for more, in a feeling he knew all too well, but wasn't used to feeling.

For someone who has had a few girlfriends here and there, none of them ever made him feel like this. For so long he thought love and intimacy weren't as big of a deal as everyone made it out to be. For so long he only thought of his girlfriends as companions, and never really felt the urge to kiss them, to touch them, to hold them close.

This feeling was too new for him, it made him feel slightly awkward. But you seemed to fully give in and play along with his needy contact.

You broke the kiss, panting breathless, resting your forehead against Wakatoshi's.

"Lets go inside" you breathed.

He nodded, as he wondered what would happen next. He wasn't stupid. He'd seen enough movies and series to know what would happen next. However, he was still so new to the whole thing. Not because he was a virgin, he wasn't. But because sex never appealed to him. The times he'd had sex with his ex girlfriends was mostly out of responsibility, not because he wanted nor felt the urges everyone said teenagers felt.

However, now everything was different. His heart was racing fast, his mind was clouded, and he felt his blood burning his entire body, especially in awkward areas.

He obediently followed you, as you still clung to his hand. You made your way to your place. Your house was dark, though the dim streetlights filtered through the windows, making it easy to find your way across the blue and yellow halls and towards your bedroom.

You stopped briefly in the kitchen, where you let go of Wakatoshi's hand and turned on the light.

"Can I offer you something? Anything? Something to eat, something to drink?" You asked politely.

"A glass of water would be nice"

You nodded and grabbed a couple of glasses and filled them with water silently, feeling slightly nervous at the thought of taking Wakatoshi to your bedroom.

Not because it was the first time. In fact, he'd spent enough weekends at your place, as you helped him study for tests. Sometimes in a big group, sometimes just the two of you. He wasn't a stranger to your house, nor to your room, not even to your bed, since he'd constantly sit on your bed while studying, and even sometimes he'd fall asleep and nap.

But this was completely different. Even kissing him felt slightly weird. Not in a bad way. In fact, you'd been fantasizing about that moment for a long while now. But, the idea of taking him to your room in this context made you anxious. Almost as if you were a virgin all over again.

You handed him his glass and jerked your head, as if telling him to follow you through the stairs and towards your room.

Wakatoshi definitely liked your room. He always felt at peace there. It was minimal, yet, everything about it screamed your name. It felt like a second home to him.

With barely any furniture. Just a single night stand, standing tall next to the mattress on the ground. Several piles of stacked books working as tables for random trinkets you've been collecting along the way. A small coffee table next to your bed which you used as a desk with a lot of stationary messily lying around. Despite spending the weekends in the Shiratorizawa dorms, your room smelled a lot of your perfume, and that was probably his favorite part of your room. A smell he resembled a lot to home. A smell he was so eager to get drunk of.

He followed you silently towards your room, as you walked inside, placing the glass on the coffee table. Wakatoshi replicated your movements. As you sat on the edge of the bed, you waited for Wakatoshi to do the same. And once he did, you nervously wrapped your arms around him, and brought him closer, kissing him once more.

The same hunger as before lit up instantly, as the anxiety building up in his belly only made it all worse. He clung to you, desperately, as if he was about to lose you.

A moan escaped your throat in the middle of the fiery kiss, prompted by his strong arms squeezing you against him. That moan made his back shiver, as he felt a rather familiar heat grow in his crotch.

You leaned back, without breaking the kiss, and your arms still around his shoulders, you brought him along with you as you laid on the bed. Wakatoshi leaned closer, resting his weight on one of his forearms against the mattress, and using his free hand to cling to your waist.

"[Name]" he purred in a gentle voice, breaking the kiss and looking into your eyes.

Swallowed by the darkness, your eyes shone with the reflection of the streetlight as you looked at him both devouring him with a tender stare. Inviting him to keep going. Only making his whole body get hotter and hotter. He wondered if your heart beated as fast as his, and if you were starting to feel as horny as he was.

Horny, he thought. Just thinking about it made him feel weird. Dirty. He'd never really felt horny. And now he was not only feeling that way, but because of you. His best friend. He wasn't supposed to be feeling like this because of one of his friends, was it? He knew it was wrong. But kissing you felt so right. The dichotomy only made him feel more and more turned on. Maybe it was wrong to feel horny for one of your friends, but he'd been a good boy and followed the rules for as long as he can remember. Maybe, going bad from time to time wasn't so bad. He felt an urge to misbehave and be spontaneous. He felt an urge to take you and make you his.

"Lay down" You said sitting up as he looked at you, puzzled.

"What?"

"You heard me! lay down, big boy" You said playfully as Wakatoshi did as you told.

You thought of crawling on top of him before it occurred to you to go to your mother's room and look for something in her drawers. You stood on your feet and looked at Toshi as his olive eyes seemed to shine in golden tones amongst the darkness painted with dim lights.

"Give me a minute, okay? I won't take long" you said shyly.

"Where are you—"

"Make yourself at home!" You said before rushing out of your room and into your mother's across the hall.

Being a single mother, and having your only child attend a school with dorms sure gave you the liberty of bringing partners into your home without worrying that your child will break in, ruining the intimacy. And you thought it was great. How awkward must it be to arrive home and find your mother banging some dude? Besides, you knew where her condom stash was.

You looked through her drawer and grabbed a few condoms for yourself before rushing back in the room. The anxiety building a knot in your throat as the condoms seemed to weight a lot more than they usually did. As you walked inside, you found Wakatoshi comfortably lying on your bed, eyes closed, and breathing in deeply, getting drunk with your scent.

The weep of the old wooden door caught his attention as he saw you walk inside, closing the door behind you. You approached the bed without saying anything. Kneeling, you put the condoms over the coffee table and took off your shirt without saying anything.

Wakatoshi's heart skipped several beats, as he forgot to breathe upon seeing you. Your chest now exposed him, making him feel thirsty, as his eyes traveled up your belly and to your chest. Realising he'd been staring at your breast, still hidden under a bra, he looked up, meeting your stare.

Speechless, his body paralysed briefly. And you began crawling on top of him. He felt his body begin shaking softly in anticipation, as his head felt lighter. He was nervous. He was excited, and delighted.

His hands found your waist and pulled you towards him, before trapping your lips in a breathless kiss. His digits were quick to travel across your back, feeling goosebumps surfacing your skin. Playing with the hook of your bra, and the delicate straps on your shoulders, he felt the urge to tear your clothes off at once, but at the same time, he wanted to taste the whole scene.

The heat was getting out of hand, as he broke the kiss and pushed you aside gently so he could take his shirt off before lying back on the mattress, and pulling you on top of him once more.

The blissful moment he felt your weight fall over his naked chest, all traces of anxiety and shy insecurity were gone. Now replaced with a needy urge he still felt ashamed of admitting. Caught in another hot wet kiss, you noticed Ushijima struggling to unhook your bra. You giggled into his lips before helping him out and taking your bra off.

He broke the kiss with a soft grunt. He sat up, as you followed him, sitting on his lap. He kissed your neck and your shoulders. You whimpered, whispering his name as he kissed and bit your skin like a hungry animal.

His hands made their way to your breasts as he held them firmly, squeezing them, and feeling the satisfaction of stealing a loud moan from your lips.

"You like this?" He asked, genuinely curious, as you nodded breathlessly.

"Don't stop, Toshi" you breathed as he kissed your jaw. "Toshi"

He growled, as your nipples puckered between his fingers, teasingly pulling and squeezing, as his name continued to echo the room between moans.

"I like hearing you call my name" He purred against the skin of your neck.

"Oh, you're in for a ride, babe. I'm just getting started" You chuckled.

Hearing you call him that made his heart squeeze dearly. Babe. He never actually had his ex girlfriends call him anything but by his first name. God, his girlfriends were so unbearably polite, and his relationships were so short, they never got to stick around long enough to give him any sort of pet name.

"You okay?" You asked upon noticing how he had been staring at you for a few seconds, as he tried to assimilate those feelings of passion and endearment consuming him.

"Yeah" He purred "You're beautiful"

"Gosh, are you always this sweet to your girlfriends?" You whimpered kissing the corner of his mouth.

"Just you," He said, closing his eyes, enjoying the trail of delicate kisses you left across his face.

"Kiss me, Toshi" You murmured "I want you so bad, babe"

His arms around you squeezed you once more, as he desperately kissed you once more.

"You've got me, darling" he whispered between kisses.

Wakatoshi swallowed your moans into the kiss, as his hands kept traveling up and down your body. Your warmth around him, your smell caressing him delicately, and your lips melting into his, with the purest of feelings melting all around you.

He had never felt like this before. He had never felt so eager to feel someone against his burning skin. He never felt the desire to pleasure someone else for his own pleasure. This newfound passion burned so good, he could understand how people could easily become addicted to sex.

He broke the kiss, cupping your cheek in one of his big hands, as he kissed your cheeks, going down your jaw and neck. He stopped there and snuggled his face on the crook of your neck, and took a deep breath, feeling like the world was spinning too fast. He felt euphoric, ecstatic, marveled.

"What is it?" You broke the silence, brushing his hair with your fingers.

"I'm enjoying this" He purred, squeezing you once more, as you kissed his head and hugged him back.

"You're adorable" You admitted.

"Thanks," He said, satisfied.

"Toshi?" You broke the hug, looking at him in the eye, and feeling your cheeks blush at the thought of what you were about to ask. This made you feel particularly silly, since you'd done this several times before, and you hadn't felt this shy in a long time.

"Yes, darling?" He said looking into your eyes.

"Let me do something for you"

"What is it?"

"Do you ever not ask questions?" Your voice suddenly was loud with amusement.

"I don't think so, no" He chuckled awkwardly.

"Such a curious mind, are you not? How precious, how delicious" You sang.

"You're talking weirdly again, [Name]" He said amused by how dreamily you looked when you suddenly started talking like that.

"I'm not gonna apologise for spending my free time reading poetry and writing poetic prose" You snapped, idly playing with the button of his jeans.

"You should write a book" he said, noticing the way your fingers were moving, trying to delicately undo his jeans.

"Oh, I'm gonna. Just you wait" He felt nervous and hot as your fingers lingered in his crotch, as he felt his erection keep throbbing in anticipation.

"I've never asked you but, what do you write about?" He stuttered, trying to distract himself from the gentle touch of your hands against him.

"So many years of friendship and you've never asked. That is true. That's true for you and pretty much all of my friends, except for Semi. But because he writes too. Although, he writes music. I write about my life and the people in it" Using your speech to distract him and to calm your nerves, you finally brought yourself to undo his jeans, stealing a quick growl from Wakatoshi.

"Have you written something about me?" He asked, feeling his head turn feverish with desire, as your fingers dragged the zipper down, releasing his still clothed erection.

"If I had a coin for every single question that comes from your beautiful lips…" Following your words, your eyes locked on his swollen lips, as you bit yours, feeling your heart beat hard against your chest "Lay down, babe"

"[Name], what are you—"

"Relax, if you trust me, close your eyes" Your voice was once more as a soft seductive purr. And as Wakatoshi did as you told, his face blushed, burning aggressively.

"I trust you with everything I've got" Your touch caressing his erection as you pulled down his underwear, enough for his dick to spring free.

"God, you're big" You gasped breathless.

"Ah, [Name], you-you don't have to—" He began, and stopped, gasping, when he felt your lips gently lick and kiss the head.

"But I want this. I want you to enjoy the night" Your breath hit his sensitive skin, as his breath shook nervously.

"I've been enjoying this since the moment I saw you" He admitted, his face blushed and his eyes shut tight as he felt your mouth taking him in, slowly at first "Fuck, [Name]"

You kept going, trying your best to slowly make your way down his length. Your jaw was beginning to feel numb, as you painfully bobbed your head. Motivated by the sweet obscene sounds Wakatoshi let out. Your name echoing every now and then. Looking up, you managed to gaze at Toshi, peeking through your lashes, as the image of his face flushed, consumed by lust, only added to the heat building between your legs.

As you got used to the gagging, and his length, it became easier for you to keep going. Sometimes swallowing to tighten your grip around his dick, and making him grunt louder than ever. His hand played with your hair, as you kept going and going. His heart beating faster by the second as he began feeling his orgasm approaching.

"[Name], stop" He gasped breathless "Come here, darling. I-Im close" He whined, however, you ignored him and sped up your pace "Ple-please, baby" He begged.

He pushed his head back, rocking his hips, making his cock go deeper into your mouth. Hands gripping firmly to the bed sheets. His body shaking in ecstasy, as he felt closer and closer to his release. He came inside your mouth, as his warm cum tickled the back of your mouth as it shot down your throat. You swallowed, savoring his salty bitter release. The sound of his moans tickling your belly.

"Did you like it?" You coughed, your voice raspy.

"Ye-yeah" He gasped "You didn't listen to me, though"

"Oh, I didn't have any intention of doing so" You admitted, smiling satisfied at him.

"I've never had anyone do that to me" He said, finally catching his breath, as the world regained its focus again and he saw your cheeky smile.

"Well" you shrugged "you had a thing for sweet and shy virgin girls, so, it shouldn't come as a surprise"

"You aren't like that," He continued.

"Of course not"

"Come here, it's my turn" His gaze suddenly turned darker, sending shivers down your spine as you did as he said.

He hooked an arm around your waist and swiftly threw you to the mattress as he got up on his knees and took off his jeans along with his underwear before leaning down and doing the same to you.

His fingers lingered on the hem of your panties once he took off your jeans and proceeded to kiss your belly. His lips drawing soft patterns on your skin as his fingers played with the fabric of your panties as you gasped and gasped in anticipation.

He began pulling down your panties, and felt his hit breath close to your sex as you bit your lip, wondering what did he have in mind.

He kissed your folds before one of his fingers began exploring your slit, as his lips and tongue focused on your clit.

"[Name], you're so wet" he purred before kissing your clit once more.

"Yeah, well...that's your fault, pretty boy" you gasped as one of his fingers effortlessly slid inside you, stretching your walls.

He moaned against your skin, upon feeling your warmth contract around his fingers, as a second digit made its way inside.

"Toshi," you cried, running your hands through his hair as he looked up. His now lustful honey eyes looking at you like a predator gazing at its prey "Toshi, that feels so good" you said breathlessly before collapsing your head on the pillow.

God, what were you doing to him? This was so unlike him. He was usually so quiet, so polite, so squared, always playing by the rules with a weird fascination. But now, he was acting on pure instinct. Your smell, your warmth, the sound of your voice, it all was driving him crazy. He was letting his most primitive judgment take over as he mindlessly pleasured you with his tongue and fingers making you reach your orgasm.

"To-Toshi" You whined feeling the buildup of your climax, tightening your grip on his hair and arching your back, shaking uncontrollably as your sight blurred, the loudest of moans escaped your throat as everything began to burn in the most delicious of ways.

Your walls squeezing his fingers, trapping him, as he bit your clit gently, making you moan even louder due to the overstimulation.

He smiled proudly at himself, as you returned from your high. Glad that he'd made you cum so effortlessly, feeling so unbearably turned on by your needy cries. He pulled his fingers out of you, covered in slick and licked them clean before crawling on top of you.

You were quick to wrap your arms around him and pull him close. Desperately kissing his lips in a passionate messy kiss. He could tell you were breathless, and completely undone underneath him, but still needy, clinging to him desperately as you wrap your legs around his hips and bring him closer.

"[Name]" he gasps, feeling your wet folds rubbing and dripping all over his erection accidentally, thinking he might lose control any time and just take you raw. "Do you have—"

"Coffee table" you breathe before he can even finish.

He moves quickly and swiftly off of you, grabbing one of the condoms and opening it hastily.

"Wait, let me do this" you say with a lewd voice, as Wakatoshi gazes at you. Playfully you take the condom off his hands and gently run your fingers through his erection. The idea of taking all of him both excited and terrified you, and tried not to think much about it by slowly unfolding the condom along his length, your fingers lingering teasingly and tickling him as he growled lowly.

"God, [Name], what're you doing to me?" He purred leaning down and kissing you feverishly as once more you wrapped your legs around his waist and he positioned himself. "Can I?"

"Fuck yes. Yes, yes, please" you begged, as he pushed his shaft inside your folds, slowly, gently.

He knew he was a big guy. Big enough to not being able to fully go inside without hurting his girlfriend in turn. So, he expected you to tell him when you'd had enough of his length. However, you didn't. The deeper he went, the more you clawed your nails to his biceps.

"When you want me to stop, just say it"

"No, I want all of you" You whined, making his erection throb inside you

"Doesn't it hurt?" He purred, his eyes looking into yours.

"It does, but it feels so good. Please don't stop, Toshi, keep going" You breathed "Please"

He felt a shiver run down his back as he kept going. Your moans getting louder and your voice going a few notes higher, your face blushed, eyes shut. He was captivated by your look. You'd gone from enchanting and teasing siren to a completely submissive and shy doll. You gasped his name once he fully went inside, enjoying your warmth all along his dick.

He pulled out slowly before thrusting back in at the same speed as before. Once you'd gotten used to his length, you were dripping wet with arousal and opened your eyes to meet his.

"Toshi, faster" you whispered with the neediest of voices, tickling his gut.

"Darling I—"

"Babe, please. I'm gonna be fine" Hearing the sweet sound of your voice dripping with lust made it hard for him to disobey.

And as he sped up, your moans did too. He was beginning to feel a loss of control, as his thrust not only sped up, but became stronger. Your moans, washed with pleasure, soon got mixed with painful wines. Upon hearing the first one, he stopped at once.

"I-I'm sorry...are you—" He whispered.

"Yeah. Keep going. Toshi, it feels so fucking good, I swear. Don't stop babe" You begged as he began moving once more, pounding you, just like before. Stretching you, hitting you in the right places, as your toes curled un pleasure.

"Fuck, [Name]" Wakatoshi purred against your ear bwfore kissing your neck. "No girl has ever taken all of me before"

"Cowards" You sighed, swallowing a moan "You know what that means?"

Wakatoshi brushed his nose against yours and looked into your eyes, drowned in lust, with clear traces of affection melting together.

"What?"

"You're mine, and only mine" You cupped his face in your hands and brought him close to you. Kissing him in a rather sweet kiss, as he kept thrusting in and out.

"That's fine by me" He said between breaths before kissing you once more. As you moaned into his mouth, you swallowed his low grunts, both of your passions burning together.

You broke the kiss, and locked.eyes with him as he pulled out ready to lush his length back in

"And I'm yours, Wakatoshi" You said, before a loud moan escaped your lips as Toshi filled you up, stronger than before. His heart squeezing, as he stole a breathless kiss from your lips.

He whispered your name between kisses as his pace quickened. Your moans getting progressively louder and louder, as sweet nothings escaped his lips. Hypnotizing you, your hearts beating fast and synchronized. Your nails clawing on his skin, as he felt his orgasm build up once more. Giving in to the sound of your moans, and the arching of your back, it didn't take long for him to reach his second release. He came, burying his face in your neck as you gasped for air.

"Toshi, please. Don't stop. I'm close"

"[Name]" He panted as he sped up, stronger and faster than before. Your arms around his shoulders squeezed, as your nails dug into his skin. His name escaping your lips in tasty moans as you felt your core burn. Just like before, your walls tightened. He groaned loudly, feeling how your core closed in around his erection, squeezing him deliciously as you rode your orgasm. He kissed your neck, as your back and neck arched.

Your grip softened, as your body relaxed, breathing deeply, trying to catch your breath. Wakatoshi kissed you, tenderly, as you regained focus of the world. Still inside you, you tightened your legs around his hips to keep him from slipping out. You brushed his hair, melting your lips into his in a sweet gentle kiss.

He wished to remain like this forever. Just the both of you, caught in an euphoric ecstasy. Vulnerable, and exposed, clinging to that moment with sleepy kisses and sweet nothings. He finally slipped out and lied in bed next to you. Wrapping his arms around you, still wanting to feel every inch of your body against his. Agitated breaths filling the silence in the room, as fingers entwined mindlessly. Legs tangled.

Wakatoshi had never felt this much bliss in this entire life. He could stay like this forever, holding you close to him. You stared into each other's eyes, understanding how each other felt, without the need for words. He wondered if this was what people called intimacy. He felt so incredibly vulnerable, however, he knew everything was going to be okay. He felt safe and comfortable with you, and wondered if you felt as vulnerable as him.

"[Name]" wakatoshi broke the silence "didn't that...hurt?"

"It did, but it felt so good. Toshi, you have no idea how much I enjoyed that" You sighed, snuggling your face against his neck

"Oh, god. Good. I was worried I'd hurt you" He sighed.

"Did you?"

"Huh?" He looked at you clueless, suddenly forgetting what you'd just said.

"Enjoy it?" You asked.

"I've never had sex like that before" Ghb e murmured looking away from your eyes.

"Define that" you giggled.

"It was great. It was different to what I'm used to. I really enjoyed it"

"What are you used to?" Wakatoshi remained pensative for several seconds, recalling the memories of the times he'd sex with his exes.

"Shy, silent, a bit...robotic"

"Damn, Toshi. Did you actually like any of the girls you fucked?" You snapped as Wakatoshi looked at you in the eye.

"You" he said bluntly, as you felt yourself blush wildly in a single second.

"Other than me, silly. But thank you"

"I-I...I think so. I dont know. I've never liked a girl as much as I like you, that much is true as well"

"Terrible decision, really…" You chuckled.

"Are you kidding me? You're perfect, despite what everyone says about you. You're perfect for me, [Name]. I like you, and trust you, and really enjoy our company...” He muttered “I don’t feel awkward after having sex with you, and I enjoyed it at all. For once I had fun and didn't feel like a chore nor..."

"I feel bad for your exes, Toshi. But at the same time not. If they had a taste of this, I'm pretty sure they would've refused to let you go so easily. So, I'm glad I don't have to share this experience with anyone of them"

"Does that mean you're not gonna let me go so easily?"

"I'm not letting you go, period. Unless you want to, of course. But if I wasn't going to let you go, as a friend. After this...I-I...you get my point"

He didn't. But he could tell you were feeling uncomfortable by how easily you became speechless. He wondered what had gone through your mind to make you go silent and shy in a second.

"You're far too precious to me to forget about you. You've always been."

"God, so that's why all of your little fans and your exes hated me. You always found the time to hang out with me even when you spent the entire day training prepping for Nationals, didn't you?"

"Before tonight, I already knew I didn't want to lose you. After tonight, I'm sure I don’t want to kiss, nor hold any other girl who isn’t you"

"Toshi, call me crazy, but that's not news, but…"

"Yeah?"

"I've liked you for almost two years now, and...That’s a lot, you know? I’ve never had feelings for someone for this long...and—" You stopped, feeling how your heart suddenly went crazy.

"What is it?"

"God, if this were happening to me, I'd definitely think if this was a big red flag, how much lower can I sink?" You giggled nervously before looking back into Wakatoshi's eyes "I think I'm in love with you"

"I think…" Wakatoshi muttered as his brain quickly jumped and did the math, still processing what you'd told him "Tendo lost the bet"

"What?" You kept laughing awkwardly, trying to keep your panic under control.

"When I told Tendo I had feelings for you, he got all excited, saying he had won the bet…" Wakatoshi recalled. "But that was a year and a half ago. But I'm starting to think it was actually Semi who won the bet"

"Oh...okay…" You blinked confused. "Are you gonna tell them?"

"Does it matter? [Name], I honestly do not care who's the rightful winner of that bet"

Wkatoshi lifted your chin with his finger and leaned closer, sealing his lips with yours in a tender kiss.A kiss you wished had lasted a little longer. Such a sweet, delicate kiss, long enough to leave you breathless instantly, and short enough to leave you wanting more. The sort of kiss you wished to get every day from him.

"I love you too, [Name]” He purred, his nose brushing against yours, as you savoured not only the aftertaste of his kiss, but savouring his words.

You leaned closer, stealing a second hiss from him, as he, very obediently kissed you back. Wrapping your arms around him, you brought him closer, as he groaned softly into your lips, adjusting himself. Slowly, crawling on top of you once more, you wrapped our legs around his waist, and your arms around his back, desiring to feel his weight on top of you once more. He breathed your name between kisses, as his fingers mindlessly played with your hair, as both your lips kept dancing together, slowly, tenderly, passionately.

The fear and the anxiety had been long gone. Now, the consuming and intrusive thoughts of how wrong it was to be kissing your best friend were now replaced by a comfortable sense of security, as your love confessions played in each other’s head. The heat kept increasing and increasing, just like the sound of our moans and grunts. It was much less awkward this second round, maybe was the lack of clothes, or maybe the fact that you already knew how the other felt. This newfound intimacy was everything Wakatoshi needed. He loved the feeling of reciprocity, as the same desperation to feel you closer, not only irradiated from him, but also from you. The physical closeness as well as the emotional closeness pulled you together like a tender hug.

You wasted the night away learning more about each other on a physical level. What each other liked, what you didn't. Holding each other close, tasting each other, over and over again until the both of you were completely satisfied and exhausted. You soon fell asleep in each other's arms.

Wakatoshi knew he didn't want to spend his nights with any other girl who wasn't you. He didn't want to kiss any other girl who wasn't you. And god, he felt like the luckiest man alive. By the end of the night, he was yours. and you were his.

#i am pretty pleased with this honestly #ven though its so awfully long ajdjkfksffs #anyways #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu!! imagines #ushijima wakatoshi #wakatoshi x reader #wakatoshi imagine #wakatoshi ushijima #ushiwaka #ushijima x reader #haikyuu ushijima

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xiaomomowrites · 3 years

Text

act IV

Genshin Impact | TartaLi/ZhongChi

Summary: It was the way Zhongli’s warm amber eyes suddenly were not as warm anymore. The way he looked at him with a piercing look, void of remorse, as he handed his gnosis over willingly to go on a whole tangent about how his “duties were done”. It was the way he turned and treated the precious traveler with the same amount of kindness and gentleness the Childe had received the previous night, with such ease; it was a look he thought was reserved only for him. It was the way he was able to turn back around, stare at Childe with an unreadable gaze, and walk away without so much of a goodbye.

Or, Zhongli and Childe finally have the conversation that was long overdue.

A/N: I’ve been playing genshin for roughly four or five months now, I can’t remember exactly when I started, but boy do I love it. No you don’t understand, I’m obsessed. But these two have been taking up room in my big brain, so I wanted to write for them. It’s been awhile since I wrote for pleasure so hopefully this is satisfactory :,) and tomorrow, I’m back to school, so I thought I’d enjoy my last day of freedom and post this today. Fun fact, I’m minoring in professional writing, so I’m hoping that it’ll improve my writing skills when I write for luxury, too. Anyway, this was a really fun piece for me to write and I hope you share the sentiment.

Also thank you guys for being so patient with our inactivity and just being such a chill audience to write for. Other social media platforms have become so...demanding haha. I appreciate y’all! Feel free to message us or talk to us about whatever :) -u.n.

Find this on AO3!

Spoiler alert: this fic does contain spoilers for the A New Star Approaches arc, so read at your own risk.

—

In Childe’s line of work, he is no stranger to betrayal.

Working as a Fatui Harbinger meant an unhealthy amount of fighting, betraying one person, deceiving another, and then on occasion, getting betrayed himself. It was all in a days’ work. Childe knew he would just have to roll out his neck and move on. He’s done it before, he can do it again. He would think that, after nineteen years of this grueling rinse and repeat, that he’d be able to tolerate a lot in the field. In fact, working with that wretched colleague of his, Scaramouche, and serving the Tsaritsa with a loyalty unmatched explicitly calls for the patience and tolerance of a saint.

Alas, Childe is the furthest thing from a saint. And still, Zhongli’s betrayal stung the most out of anyone else’s, the reason still unbeknownst to him. He tells himself that it’s because he had actually befriended the other man. That, unlike his other missions, he developed more of a friendship with Zhongli than he has with anyone else in the past. Not to mention how he really thought he’d find the gnosis, in all its golden glory, seated deep within the Exuvia, and not within his friend.

Which is why after he watches Zhongli hand over his precious gnosis to Signora of all people, Childe makes haste to return to the inn he had been staying at to furiously pack his things and leave first thing in the morning. Seeing Signora in Liyue so close to Zhongli had triggered a deep seated feeling of possessiveness over him and the city. Liyue was his territory, as far as he was concerned. It was assigned to him by the Tsaritsa and no one else. And yet, despite his unspoken possession over Liyue, its people turned against him and viewed him as the enemy. As if Childe didn’t already know that. As if he hadn’t already grown up with a layered villain complex, subconsciously looking for a fool with a hero complex to match him. Then entered Zhongli, making himself at home in Childe’s life, and he was immediately enamouring the Harbinger.

Screw Liyue.

Screw all their traditions, the stupid glaze lilies, the delicious cuisine, the obvious livelihood that fills the streets in stark contrast to his own icy hometown, screw all those goddamn unnecessary mountains, that fish market with that abhorrent smell he gradually got used to, and screw Rex Lapis. Screw Zhongli, that handsome bastard, for stringing him along like his plaything the entire time.

Childe knows, he gets it, that Zhongli simply did what he had to do because it was best for his people. And what other way for the oldest of the seven to go, if not for a grand finale? And yes, Childe admits, luring out Osial was a stupid move, but it certainly served its purpose for testing the strength of Liyue and its defenders.

Zhongli and Signora knew he would do something stupid and reckless as soon as he caught wind of the Exuvia serving as a decoy. They knew, and they played the game so well, that Childe really thought he was the mastermind puppeteering the whole show.

What a fool he was made out to be.

Childe aggressively shoves blazer after blazer into his travel duffel, angry, pathetic tears pooling at the corners of his eyes without his consent. He sniffs angrily and swipes at his cheek as soon as the first tear falls.

Fuck this, he’s not crying over a god, he still has some dignity.

But still. Pride aside, it hurt. And it wasn’t even necessarily the deceit that hurt the most. He’s dealt with that previously. It was… more personal. More of an internal struggle than an external issue. Childe truly hates those the most. At least he can shove his fist through any external problem, but he can’t exactly do the same with his feelings, or whatever they’re called.

It was the way Zhongli’s warm amber eyes suddenly were not as warm anymore. The way he looked at him with a piercing look, void of remorse, as he handed his gnosis over willingly to go on a whole spiel about how his “duties were done”. It was the way he turned and treated the precious traveler with the same amount of kindness and gentleness the Childe had received the previous night, with such ease; it was a look he thought was reserved only for him. It was the way he was able to turn back around, stare at Childe with an unreadable gaze, and walk away without so much of a goodbye.

The same eyes that gazed at him with such affection and kindness were suddenly replaced with the eyes of a soldier. And it was only then that Childe fully realized the force he was reckoning with. Zhongli was a withered god who lived too long for his own good. A powerful deity that held the ability to shake the ground with a look; he who had been humbled by time and his sharp edges eroded by the millions of faces that passed him. Simply put, Childe was just another one of those faces. And again, he understood. If he lived for six thousand years, he wouldn’t want to be alive after the first hundred.

It was the duality that dug the blade deeper into his already bleeding chest. He felt used.

“I’ve enjoyed the time we’ve spent together, Childe,” Zhongli had said to him on a warm Liyuen night, “a friend of mine, a long time ago, told me that I was… bad at connecting with people. Emotionally stunted, is what she called me. And she is correct, as I have definitely struggled with making connections in the past. But with you… it’s different. It’s easy.

Childe is thankful for the discretion that night provides him; Zhongli would have easily spotted the blush spreading across his pale cheeks had it been daytime.

“So you had trouble making a couple friends, so what?” The ginger shrugs, “I wasn’t the best at making friends, either. My mom always said I was too aggressive. Apparently that’s not such an appealing trait, after all.”

Zhongli chuckles, a beautiful sound. “It was a bit deeper than that, I’m afraid. Understanding the complexity of another’s emotions was always difficult for me, whereas she… she was loved by everyone. Adored by the youngest of fawns to the oldest of horses. It came so naturally to her. I was the opposite. Not that everyone hated me, no, people just had a harder time getting close to me. Which is why, upon meeting you, I was shocked to find that we clicked so well. Befriending you was as easy as breathing air.”

Oh, Archons, help him.

“And,” Zhongli continues, as if he hadn’t already wrecked the man six ways to hell and back, “I must sincerely thank you for indulging me once again.” The deity glances down at the bag full of antique trinkets in his lap. Childe’s lips turn upward into one of his more genuine, rare smiles.

“What’s with you tonight?” Childe responds, and Zhongli looks at him questioningly , “I mean, you never had a problem with me spoiling you rotten before. You’ve never even acknowledged it. Why start now?”

Zhongli tears his gaze away from the Harbinger.

“And,” the ginger continues, “it almost sounds like you’re saying goodbye.”

Zhongli smiles at him then. He wore a kind look on his face, eyes so impossibly warm that it reminded him of his grandmother’s pirozhki. Hot and steaming from the center, melting on his tongue, dissolving deliciously in his mouth and defrosting his entire body. His smile felt like it wrapped itself around his chest and squeezed the best way possible, fitting him back together in places Childe didn’t even realize he had broken.

“What makes you say that?”

Oh, Childe is pissed.

Fuck tomorrow morning, Childe is leaving tonight.

The memories of last night crash over him not unlike a tidal wave and suddenly, he’s drowning. Filled out the brim with a familiar rage burning through his chest and searing his finger tips, his legs, his fucking toes.

He stands abruptly when he realizes he’s been sitting and resumes his packing. It doesn’t take very long after that. A couple toiletries get shoved into the side pockets, his vision is hooked back onto his hip, and his mask is slid into its’ usual spot on his head. He looks at himself in the mirror on the way out and scowls at the way his hair looks more disheveled than usual. Red rims his dulled blue eyes, forcing him to accept that maybe he cried more than he’d like to admit. Whatever.

He swings the door open and-

“Childe,” lo and behold, Zhongli stands in his fucking doorway, “I’d like to talk to you, if that’s alright.” The man looks slightly disheveled. He’s a little out of breath, Childe notices, like he ran up those ridiculous flights of stairs to get to his room- which, by the way, he never disclosed that information with him.

The man in question huffs a laugh. “It’s not.”

He makes a move to brush past him, but is stopped by an unreasonably strong grip around his bicep.

“Tartaglia,” he pleads, “please.”

Childe snatches his arm back and spits, “don’t call me that.”

He retreats back into his room anyway, hearing Zhongli close the door behind him. He dumps the bag back onto his bed and curses himself for not leaving a millisecond earlier.

“You’re angry with me.” Zhongli starts, face as unreadable as ever.

“The sky is blue. Snezhnaya is cold. Are we still stating the obvious here?” He’s too angry to carefully choose his words. Too hurt to slip on his pleasant facade.

“Tartaglia,” he presses, and Childe really hates how his name sounds on his tongue, “I truly am sorry for the way things had to go. It was not in my intentions to… hurt you to the degree in which you feel. I simply was upholding the end of my contract and doing what was best for my people. I implore you to believe that making you feel used was not my main objective.“

Oh god, his apology sounds so robotic.

“So you’re aware that what you did was a little fucked up.”

“Yes.”

“And you’re aware that almost the entirety of Liyue places the blame on me.”

“Yes.”

Well, shit. “Good talk, Zhongli-xiansheng. If you’ll excuse me, I must begin my trip home.”

He stomps toward the door only to be stopped once again. Archons, if Childe had any motivation left, he most certainly would challenge him to a spar. The ginger huffs, and looks to the heavens in a silent plea for patience.

“Tartaglia, please, I’m not finished-“

“Yeah, well I am.” Their eyes lock. Blue meets gold in a hostile hold, refusing to break. “The second you handed your gnosis over, my business here was done. Whatever… relationship we had is done. You were my consultant and was a Harbinger here for business. A Harbinger that you obviously used for your disposal. So now that that’s over and done with, I really need to report to Tsaritsa, lest she have my head on a silver platter-“

“I spoke with Tsaritsa already.” Zhongli cuts in, his grip tightening around Childe’s wrist. “I asked her for more time with you.”

“You what.”

“Surely you are curious about the deal I struck with Tsaritsa. The contract to end all contracts, yes?” Childe’s wild look on his face eggs him to continue, “I struck a deal that granted you more time here in Liyue. With me.”

Childe is silent for a moment. The ex-Archon opens his mouth to continue.

“And I’d like to say I’ve known you long enough to know that you seek freedom. From what that may be, I do not know. But Tsaritsa has agreed to give you a choice, at the very least, a temporary one. An extended vacation or complete retirement is a choice to be made by you.” Zhongli finishes, looking to Tartaglia with hope.

“THAT is worth your fucking gnosis?!” Zhongli’s gnosis. The entire essence of his being. The very thing that makes him divine (thought it certainly isn’t the only thing that makes the man ethereal), was traded for him.

“Yes,” Zhongli replies with such ease it makes Childe’s head spin. “Among other things, of course.” An aggressive why is lodged in the back of Childe’s throat. Why me? A million questions swirl around his head, knocking him off balance. He would have swayed on his feet had Zhongli not been there to hold him upright.

“That’s insane. You’re insane. You…” Childe lets out a tired sigh, “I don’t understand you.” And he doesn’t. Because one minute he’s a cold hearted businessman, and the next he’s at his door, reduced to a mortal, begging him to stay. Granting him freedom. Really, what kind of fucked up game is this? Why didn’t anyone tell him he was a part of it?

Zhongli smiles. He smiles. “You remember our conversation from the night before, yes?”

Childe rolls his ever-blue eyes to the back of his head. “Remind me, Zhongli-sensei,”

“I said,” the deity starts, drawing both of Childe’s calloused hands between his own, “that I struggled to connect with others. Guizhong, the Goddess of Dust, was the one to bring to my attention my emotional constipation. And like I said, she was correct.”

Childe’s anger withers.

“Unfortunately I understand naught of the depth of your feelings of betrayal,” he continues, “but I do wish to understand how deeply humans feel. And in our time together, I’ve begun to understand through you. Despite your… complexities. And I wish to continue to learn. With you.” I wish to feel human is left unsaid, and laced between his words instead.

“What are you saying,” the Harbinger asks weakly.

“Take me with you.”

“What.”

“Take me with you. Wherever you go, I will follow, if you will allow it.”

Well duh, he’d allow it. Zhongli just had to work for it a little more. He can’t just waltz in here after breaking his heart and ruining his trust, demanding his friendship and companionship or whatever, after everything he was put through-

“Okay.”

Very nice ass to mouth filter, Ajax.

Zhongli’s eyes glow impossibly brighter, “Okay?”

Childe tugs his hands back to his side. “Yes, yes, fine. Whatever. But you can’t just. You can’t just use me again in the name of experimentation.”

“Tartaglia, I would never,” he assures him vehemently, “Of the seven, I was always the one most oblivious to emotions. You may ask Barbatos if you want. But I know that what I feel for you is real and I would not trade it for the world.”

Childe’s mind reels. Barbatos? Feelings?

“‘What you feel for me?’”

Zhongli cocks his head in confusion, as if his feelings were the most obvious thing in the world. “Well, yes. And you feel the same, no? It need not be said aloud.”

“It really doesn’t,” Childe affirms, “you can save me the embarrassment.”

“Wonderful,” Zhongli’s face brightens, and it’s only then that Childe is hit with the full realization that Zhongli is free. No longer is he tied to the city and burdened with the weight of the people. No longer does he have to associate himself with the likes of the Tsaritsa. Finally, after centuries and centuries, he is allowed the pleasure to smile so brightly despite feeling pained for finally leaving his people. He is Zhongli, and no longer Rex Lapis. Morax is long gone, too. The man before him is a man reborn, and Childe’s heart aches with happiness for him.

“Okay, well,” he clears his throat when he notices he’s been quiet for too long, “it’s been a long day and I’m tired. I think I’m just gonna take a shower and turn into bed and think about the rest tomorrow. Save it for future Childe, you know?”

He pads over to his hastily packed back and zips it back open, pulling out the toiletries he aggressively shoved in less than an hour ago. He digs his fingers into his neck and sighs at the release of tension. Summoning an angry ocean god took a lot more out of him than he anticipated.

“I agree,” Zhongli says, and begins to strip. “Personally I prefer the left side of the bed.”

Childe gawks at him.

“You-!” Truly an emotionally constipated god, indeed. He sighs and his shoulders droop, the fight leaving his body. “Fine. Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be out in a bit.”

“I eagerly await your return,” Zhongli comments passively as he slips under the covers, a book he didn’t even know he was carrying tucked under his arm. Childe sighs for the nth time that night and turns to close the bathroom door behind him.

Future Childe certainly has a lot to deal with in the morning.

#genshin impact #genshin impact fan fiction #Tartaglia #Childe #zhongli #tartali #zhongchi #i love them so much it hurts #childe x zhongli #angst #character introspection #when this chapter ended i was incredibly emotional #i just want them to be happy

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senadimell · 4 years

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If you've got time to share, I'd love to hear more about your thoughts around Snape and Lupin.

@deathdaydungeon, here you are!

After a conversation with @frederick-the-great, I’ve been thinking about Lupin, Snape, and what they say about morality in HP. I’m not talking about the troublesome white hats, black hats morality, but am instead looking at from this angle: Lupin is nice and well-liked, but often lacks a backbone, whereas Snape is mean and disliked, but incredibly brave. Which is more important? I find Harry’s last sacrifice to be a useful point by which we measure their impact.

Lupin and Snape useful to compare on several important fronts.

As foils for each others’ teaching methods

The way they deal with social disadvantage

Their connections to Harry’s father and how they pass on James’ legacy

1) They both teach at Hogwarts, and are foils for each other in many ways. Snape is mean and takes away points. He’s seen as selfish. His classes are hard and unpleasant for Harry. He’s mean to Neville, and rather than encouraging him, mocks him and belittles him, which just adds to the overall disaster of Neville’s poor self-esteem mixing badly with potions class.

However, even Umbridge admits that Snape’s teaching methods work, and she’s working for Fudge who doesn’t like Death Eaters and has been defied by Snape in GoF, so we know he’s effective for a lot of people, if not Neville.

Yet, for all that, Snape saves Harry’s life multiple times. On top of that, Snape wants to keep the fact that he saved Harry’s life a secret.

“Very well. Very Well. But never--Never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it, I cannot bear...especially Potter’s son...I want your word!

My word, Severus, that I will never reveal the best of you? Dumbledore sighed, looking down into Snape’s ferocious, anguished face. “If you insist...”

DH 679, The Prince’s Tale

Conversely, Lupin is nice and rewards points. He’s seen as generous. His classes are fun and interesting for Harry. He’s kind to Neville, and expresses confidence in him that leads him to succeed and do well. That confidence is a huge part of Neville’s character development. I doubt he’d grow into the resistance leader in DH if not for the many times teachers expressed confidence in him, like Dumbledore in PS, Lupin in PoA, Fake!Moody in GoF, and Harry in OotP. Harry certainly approves of his methods:

“You’re the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher we’ve ever had!” said Harry. “Don’t go!”

PoA 424, Owl Post Again

However, it’s worth noticing that Hermione does worse on his exam than we ever see. She fails the Boggart test, and she and Harry were the only two people not permitted to experience the Boggart in class. Lupin’s teaching methods aren’t foolproof. Despite that, he’s overall seen as a nice guy and good teacher.

Yet Lupin endangers Harry’s life. The secrets he keeps are dangerous: his secret to keep is that he’s a werewolf and actively endangered three students lives with his negligence, as well as the fact that he hid a secret about a believed and convicted mass murderer to save face with Dumbledore.

“That was still really dangerous! Running around in the dark with a werewolf! What if you’d given the others the slip, and bitten somebody?”

“A thought that still haunts me,” Lupin said heavily. “And there were near misses, many of them. We laughed about them afterwards. We were young, thoughtless--carried away with out own cleverness.

“I sometimes felt guilty about betraying Dumbledore’s trust, of course....he had admitted me to Hogwarts when no other headmasters would have done so, and he had no idea I was breaking the rules he had set down for my own and others’ safety. He never knew I had led three fellow students into becoming Animagi illegally. But I always managed to forget my guilty feelings every time we sat down to plan our next month’s adventure. And I haven’t changed...

Lupin’s face had hardened, and there was self-disgust in his voice. “All this year I have been battling with myself, wondering whether I should tell Dumbledore that Sirius was an Animagus. But I didn’t do it. Why? Because I was too cowardly. It would have meant admitting that I’d betrayed his tryst while I was at school, admitting that I’d led others along with me...and Dumbledore’s trust has meant everything to me. He let me into Hogwarts as a boy, and he gave me a job when I have been shunned all my adult life, unable to find paid work because of what I am. And so I convinced myself that Sirius was getting into the school using Dark Arts he learned from Voldemort, that being an Animagus had nothing to do with it...so in a way, Snape’s been right about me all along.”

PoA 355, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs

Plan is emphasized because those trips that ended in “near misses” weren’t some impulsive romp. They were planned and coordinated in advance.

“I just saw Hagrid,” said Harry. “And he said you’d resigned. It’s not true, is it?”

“I’m afraid it is, said Lupin. He stared opening his desk drawers and taking out the contents.

“Why?” said Harry. The Ministry of Magic don’t think you were helping Sirius, do they?”

Lupin crossed to the door and closed it behind Harry.

“No. Professor Dumbledore managed to convince Fudge that I was trying to save your lives.” He sighed. “That was the final straw for Severus. I think* the loss of the Order of Merlin hit him hard. So he--er--accidentally let slip that I am a werewolf this morning at breakfast.”

“You’re not leaving because of that!” said Harry.

Lupin smiled wryly.

“This time tomorrow, the owls will start arriving from parents ....They will not want a werewolf teaching their children, Harry. And after last night, I see their point. I could have bitten any of you...That must never happen again.

“You’re the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher we’ve ever had!” said Harry. “Don’t go!”

PoA 424, Owl Post Again

What strikes me about this conversation is how Lupin shifts the blame around. This doesn’t start with an admission of guilt. He’s not leaving because the parents are right. He’s not leaving because he’s seen how dangerous he can be, or because he owns up to making an incredibly dangerous decision. He’s leaving because Snape forced his hand. If Snape didn’t do that, he would do the same thing he’s always been doing: sweeping his misdoing under the rug and promising himself privately that he’s going to change, but never doing it.

It’s always someone else’s fault for Lupin. That’s a neat tie in to the next point of comparison:

2. Lupin and Snape both experience marginalization in wizarding society, but in very different ways. Lupin faces socio-legal** marginalization and Snape faces socio-economic marginalization.

Lupin’s a werewolf. We see how prejudice affects his life, from his inability to find a job and his worn out clothes to his people-pleasing nature. He’s always acting nice and harmless. He does nothing to play into the condemning stereotypes he’s faced since childhood. Despite that, he still can’t find a job. Nobody will hire him, and people are scared to interact with him. From the way he talks about werewolves, it’s implied that this prejudice is held blindly across Wizarding society. Both Ron and Hermione are horrified to learn Lupin’s a werewolf. *** Later on, he’s legally limited in the kinds of jobs he holds and the kind of magic he’s allowed to perform. Lupin has no control over his transformations, and did not choose his condition.

Lupin’s not really wrong when pities himself. The odds really are stacked against him when he’s treated as if he’s a wolf 24/7, not just a few predictable times a month. His prospects are honestly awful.

The problem is, his condition is dangerous. Thus, the issue of victim blaming is particularly thorny for Lupin. He can’t just accept that he’s a monster for something he has no say over, and yet he can’t escape the fact that sometimes he is monstrous for reasons out of his control. He feels guilty for the people he could have hurt, but also seems to resent that people blame him for something that’s not his fault. The problem is that he carries that lack of accountability into spheres where he should be accountable, like not taking his medication and endangering children because of it.

Snape’s story is very different. He is poor in both the wizard and muggle worlds, and half-blooded, and was sorted into Slytherin as a child. He doesn’t have one condition against him, but checks boxes that make it hard for any one side to accept him. He’s too impure and poor to survive on his own for the Slytherin, but is a Slytherin with Death Eater friends and housemates interested in dark magic, which means he’s never going to fit in with the Order of the Phoenix crowd, especially when some of its members torment him at school. ****4

This essay makes a convincing point that the wizarding world is not a meritocracy, and that people like Snape need powerful patronage to advance if they don’t have the money to support themselves.

I don’t consider the sorting a proper choice. I know Harry does, but I’m of the opinion that at age 11, very few people have been taught how to analyze different perspectives and make an informed decision. Most 11-year-olds are trained to obey their parents and accept their family’s ideology. Harry’s choice rests on very little evidence--most of what he knows is what Hagrid told him, and that he doesn’t want to be sorted into Voldemort’s house along with Draco Malfoy, someone who reminds him of Dudley. I don’t think Snape was very informed either (I’d love to know why), because he doesn’t realize why it Lily wouldn’t be sorted into Slytherin.

“You’d better be in Slytherin,” said Snape, encouraged that she had brightened a little. DH 671, The Prince’s Tale

Either the pureblood rhetoric just wasn’t strong in those days, or his mother didn’t tell him about that.

...“Where are you heading, if you’ve got the choice?”

James lifted an invisible sword.

“’Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!’ Like my dad.”

Snape made a small, disparaging noise. James turned on him.

“Got a problem with that?”

“No,” said Snape, though his slight sneer said otherwise. “If you’d rather be brawny than brainy--”

DH 671-2, The Prince’s Tale

It seems that most people just follow familial preferences. As to why Snape wants to be in Ravenclaw over Slytherin, my preferred interpretation is that he had a family legacy, knew that Slytherin rewarded the ambitious and clever, and that Slughorn, the head of Slytherin house, had a knack for making the kind of connections that a poor, clever boy would need to succeed.

Nevertheless, once Snape was in Slytherin, the odds were stacked against him. The house in that era was full of people who would later be Death Eaters. “Dark Magic” wasn’t frowned upon among his housemates, and siding with Voldemort wasn’t yet widely acknowledged as a transgression by wider society.

“No, no, but believe me, [Sirius’ parents] thought Voldemort had the right idea, they were all for the purification of the wizarding race, getting rid of Muggle-borns and having pure-bloods in charge. They weren’t alone either, there were quite a few people, before Voldemort showed his true colors, who thought he had the right idea about things.…” OotP 112

Additionally, people like Bellatrix were in the years above him, and given how Fred and George acted with younger students, I think it’s highly likely younger students had to find a place in the hierarchy or be the target of ‘pranks.’ He was a halfblood, after all, and dirt poor.

Snape knew these people. He ate with them, slept with them, and went to class with them. It is so much easier to understand and befriend someone you spend time with. I’d say that most people who subscribe to problematic ideologies aren’t just awful to be around all the time, or else these movements wouldn’t gain any traction. They’re likely funny and nice to be around if you’re not on their bad side.

In addition to strong peer pressure to befriend the people who would be death eaters, he was also bullied four to one. His bullies received protection from the headmaster when he was nearly killed or permanently maimed. They were popular and well liked.

The best analogy I’ve heard to describe Snape's Hogwarts situation is that he’s a kid in a rough neighborhood who joins the local gang. It provides protection and the hope of social mobility, and from his perspective, the other gang fights just as dirty (his treatment by the marauders). He doesn’t stop to think that the system is flawed, or that the gang’s very existence indicates the failure of authority and threatens its members. He just sees himself as a kid with nothing who needs help with protection and advancement. We know that Voldemort hasn’t shown his true colors, and it’s possible he showed different faces to different people.

‘Now, yer mum an’ dad were as good a witch an’ wizard as I ever knew. Head Boy an’ Girl at Hogwarts in their day! Suppose the myst’ry is why You-Know-Who never tried to get ’em on his side before ... probably knew they were too close ter Dumbledore ter want anythin’ ter do with the Dark Side.

‘Maybe he thought he could persuade ’em ... maybe he just wanted ’em outta the way. All anyone knows is, he turned up in the village where you was all living, on Hallowe’en ten years ago. You was just a year old. He came ter yer house an’ – an’ –’ (“The Keeper of the Keys”)

Dumbledore’s cited as the reason they turned him down, not their blood status. I think there’s evidence that the wholesale anti-muggleborn campaign wasn’t a huge part of the first wizarding war, and wasn’t implemented until the second, even if there was anti-muggle propaganda. (Muggle=/=muggleborn). It’s implied that Tobias is abusive and that Snape hates him for what he did to him and his mother; it’s implied that faced class prejudice by the muggles around him as well:

“I know who you are. You’re that Snape boy! They live down Spinner’s End by the river,” she told Lily, and it was evident from her tone that she considered the address a poor recommendation.

DH 665, The Prince’s Tale

When you read stories about people who are able to escape cycles of gang violence and poverty, there’s almost always someone who lifts them out. There’s someone who pushes them, or extends a hand, or believes in them. There are community outreach programs, or churches, or an English teacher that pushed them to do better and try out for a scholarship. That person is usually someone who knows what it’s like and knows how hard it is to get out.

Snape doesn’t seem to get that support anywhere. Slughorn doesn’t seem to notice him, for whatever reason. Lily doesn’t approve of his friends, but also doesn’t understand at all what the pull is--that it’s hard to swim against the current of what everyone else is saying, despite the fact that she feels the same pressure to end her friendship with Snape.

“… thought we were supposed to be friends?” Snape was saying. “Best friends?” “We are, Sev, but I don’t like some of the people you’re hanging round with! I’m sorry, but I detest Every and Mulciber! Mulciber! What do you see in him, Sev, he’s creepy! D’you know what he tried to do to Marry Macdonald the other day?”

DH 673, The Prince’s Tale

In the very same conversation, the fact that Snape is not allowed to share what happened to him with Lupin and the werewolf incident means that Lily will never be able to understand what Snape is facing: That the leader of the good guys makes excuses for and protects people who recklessly endanger the lives of others.

“And you’re being really ungrateful. I heard what happened the other night. You went sneaking down that tunnel by the Whomping Wollow, and James Potter saved you from whatever’s down there--”

Snape’s whole face contorted and he spluttered, “Saved? Saved? You think he was playing the hero? He was saving his neck and his friends’ too!...”

DH 674, The Prince’s Tale

Later in the year after SWM, she tells Snape this:

“None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you.”

DH 675 The Prince’s Tale

She expects him to reject all of his classmates and stand against the tide, despite the fact that she knows how hard it is to do that and can’t comprehend why he sticks with his classmates. She expects him to be grateful to James Potter as if what he did was altruistic, because the Headmaster swore Snape to secrecy and he keeps his promises, despite the fact that someone else was spreading the story. (The fact that she says she heard it instead of talking about it like its common knowledge implies that she heard it from a friend, so our friends the Marauders likely weren’t keeping their lips zipped even if Snape was.)

I don’t say this to shift the blame away from Snape to Lily in regards to Snape joining the Death Eaters. I just want to point out that Lily wasn't someone who could help him break the cycle. He didn’t squander some chance she offered him. She just wasn’t enough to break him out--not empathetic, motivated, or well-informed enough. (I think the fact that they were peers plays a big role in that).

Ultimately, Snape did choose to join the Death Eaters. He did yield to peer pressure. He did obey his assignment and report the prophecy to Voldemort. He spent his youth yielding, following the path in front of him, and choosing what was probably the easier choice: stick with your group, find powerful friends, do what they want, and don’t ask too many questions about their methods. That’s what makes his decision to betray Voldemort so powerful to me.

Here’s part of the passage when Snape betrays Voldemort:

...The adult Snape was panting, turning on the spot, his wand gripped tightly in his hand, waiting for something or for someone...His fear infected Harry too, even though he knew that he could not be harmed, and he looked over his shoulder wondering what it was that Snape was waiting for--

Then a sliding, jagged jet of white light flew through the air. Harry thought of lightning, but Snape had dropped to his knees and his wand had flown out of his hand.

“Don’t kill me!”

DH 676, The Prince’s Tale

He was terrified. He knew he was caught between the world’s two most powerful wizards, but it was worth it if he could save his childhood friend.

Then when Lily dies:

“Her son lives. He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the share and color of Lily Evans’s eyes, I am sure?”

“DON’T!” bellowed Snape. “Gone...dead...”

“Is this remorse, Severus?”

“I wish..I wish I were dead....”

“And what use would that be to anyone?” said Dumbledore coldly.

DH 678, The Prince’s Tale

Whatever motivation Snape had before is gone. A person’s life who is not his own is worth more than his own, and he’s drowning in guilt. From now on, Snape works to be useful in saving Harry’s life, and later many lives, at risk of death. His choices are a black mark on his record, likely making it difficult for him to get a job when he’s been tried as a Death Eater, and all of his wizarding connections are Death Eaters or their associates. He has no money or influence. Dumbledore hires him.

So Lupin has a single ailment and faces constant social and legal discrimination. He constantly tries to undermine people’s expectations about werewolves by being mild, but unfortunately is too afraid of rejection and its consequences to stand up against bad behavior or take full responsibility for his failings. He has friends who support him, but do it by engaging in risky behavior. He does not stop them. Perhaps he fears exposure and expulsion. Perhaps he just likes belonging for once. Either way, he does not come clean until forced to.

Snape is different; instead of facing outright rejection, he’s from a poor background and grows up surrounded by peers who join something somewhere between a gang and a cult while being bullied by people groomed by a rival organization. The headmaster of his school supports the rival organization and swears him to secrecy about an incident when they endangered his life, sending the message that his life is worthless. That same group continues to publicly bully him. He continues down this path until he realizes that it endangers something he cares about, and makes a decision that puts him at risk of being killed by the two most powerful wizards alive. He changes course.

Snape seems to view his problems as challenges facing him, whereas Lupin sees his problems as part of who he is, and not something he can change. Lupin seems to accept what happens to him in a fatalist kind of way. He sees what happens as inevitable and somewhat out of his control, whereas Snape never seems to blame his circumstances for him becoming a death eater, even though they clearly limited his options. I think that attitude matters. However, because Lupin’s facing a fictional magical malady, it’s difficult to fully blame him for that attitude.

Both Lupin and Snape have to react to powerful societal pressure that makes it difficult for them to succeed. Comparing them is apples and oranges at best, because their circumstances were so different. I don’t think you can judge either’s morality based on group identity, though.

3. Finally, they both act as a window on James: who he was, and what he means to Harry, who never knew him. That means in some way, they help pass on his parental legacy to orphaned Harry.

Hogwarts is Harry’s home, which means that the teachers are more than just teachers, but play a symbolic parental role in his life.

Hogwarts was the first and best home he had known. He and Voldemort and Snape, the abandoned boys, had all found home here.

DH 697, The Forest Again

You can’t understand Harry without realizing what he lacks: a loving home and living parents. He’s always looking into the past to find his parents, and is saddled with a legacy he struggles to understand--why did he live, who were his parents, and what does he need to do now?

Lupin and Snape also share a connection with Harry that goes beyond a normal teacher-student relationship, unlike McGonagall or Flitwick. Snape and Lupin are more personally connected to Harry than the other professors because they know Harry’s parents and went to school with them. I will mostly focus on James from here on out since we know so little about Lily personally and Harry mostly tries to emulate or avoid his father’s behavior and legacy.

They’re also the last people who knew James to survive, and they die almost at the same time. They’re the only teachers apart from Dumbledore who give Harry private lessons. More importantly, these lessons are all tied thematically to Harry’s past. Harry’s experience with dementors and the patronus charm are his first re-encounter with his parents and his past.

Terrible though it was to hear his parents’ last moments replayed inside his head, these are the only times Harry had heard their voices since he was a very small child. But he’d never be able to produce a proper patronus if he half wanted to hear his parents again.

PoA 243, The Patronus

In the end of PoA, Harry sees himself and mistakenly thinks it’s his father.

“Come on!” he muttered, staring about. “Where are you? Dad, come on--”

But no one came. Harry raised his head to look atet he circle of dementors across the lake. One of them was lowering its hood. It was time for the rescuer to appear--but no one was coming to help this time--

And then it hit him--he understood. He hadn’t seen his father--he had seen himself--

Harry flung himself out from behind the bush and pulled out his want.

“EXPECTO PATRONUM!” he yelled.

PoA 411, Hermione’s Secret

So the patronus itself is linked up with Harry’s past, and his coming-of-age. He doesn’t rely on others to save him, but must do it himself. (Though Harry’s never really trusted the adults to save him.) It’s interesting to note that Harry actually learns the Patronus charm under Lupin’s tutelage.

On the other hand, Snape introduces Harry to the unpleasant side of his father’s legacy. Through Snape, we see that James wasn’t just a little cocky, but a bully.

“Apologize to Evans!” James roared at Snape, his wand pointed threateningly at him. “I don't want you to make him apologize,” Lily shouted, rounding on James. “You're as bad as he is.” “What?” yelped James. “I'd NEVER call you a--you-know-what!” “Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can--I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK.” She turned on her heel and hurried away.

....

He had no desire at all to return to Gryffindor Tower so early, nor to tell Ron and Hermione what he had just seen. What was making Harry feel so horrified and unhappy was not being shouted at or having jars thrown at him; it was that he knew how it felt to be humiliated in the middle of a circle of onlookers, knew exactly how Snape had felt as his father had taunted him, and that judging from what he had just seen, his father had been every bit as arrogant as Snape had always told him. OotP, Snape’s Worst Memory, emphasis added

It’s interesting note that Harry fails to learn Occlumency from Snape. (In fact, we never see Harry use magical skills he learned from Snape apart from Expelliarmus, which is...important). At the same time, he gains an important perspective.

You can’t have James without this part of him. However kind James was to Lupin, however brave James was when he saved his wife, he was neither kind nor brave when he bullied Snape. It’s uncomfortable and awkward, but it’s important.

When he had finished, neither Sirius nor Lupin spoke for a moment. Then Lupin said quietly, “I wouldn’t like you to judge your father on what you saw there, Harry. He was only fifteen —”

“I’m fifteen!” said Harry heatedly.

OotP

Harry rejects the idea that actively bullying someone is just folly of youth. He knows what it’s like to be disenfranchised. Regardless of what Snape and James’ relationship was, he didn’t deserve that kind of humiliation. And Lupin watched, and defends him. Harry has to grapple with that.

Ultimately, Snape and Lupin do more than just connect him to his past. They also teach him his two signature spells, Expelliarmus and Expecto Patronum. One saves his soul, and one saves his life and frees the wizarding world from Voldemort because of Voldemort’s fractured soul.

Snape and Lupin as moral counterpoints

How do we evaluate this:

“I’d never have believed this,” Harry said. “The man who taught me to fight dementors--a coward.”*****5

DH 213, The Bribe

and this?

“Albus Severus, you were named for two headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them was a Slytherin and he was probably the bravest man I ever knew.

DH 758, Seventeen years later

Ultimately, I don’t think it’s really that useful to pit two people with different backgrounds against each other. At the same time, they represent two different halves of a question: when it comes down to it, should we try to be kind or brave? I don’t think you have to pick one, but when pursuing the two, there are bound to be moments of conflict.

I always come back to the lyrics to Last Midnight from Sondheim’s Into the Woods.******6

You're so nice You're not good You're not bad You're just nice I'm not good I'm not nice I'm just right I'm the witch You're the world

Snape doesn’t care about being nice. I think this is where most non-Snape fans start pulling out the pitchforks and torches. Snape isn’t nice, and he’s not nice to kids. He’s not nurturing.*******7 He’s abrasive, allergic to coddling, and petty when he can get away with it. In fact, most of the people he’s ‘nice’ to are significantly more powerful than him, or someone he needs to be on good terms with.

Lupin is nice. He’s mild. He’s often kind. However, he often picks being liked over standing up for something.

What does that result in? He doesn’t stand up for Snape. The bullying continues and keeps Snape firmly on his path. He wins the respect of the Gryffindors with the Snape Boggart incident but loses whatever credibility he had to tell Snape to ‘put their past behind him.’

On the other hand, Neville’s bravery in DH was nurtured by Lupin’s confidence. Neville kept hope alive and led a rebellion. Lupin is one of the few adults that Harry fully respects and trusts up until the Grimmauld place confrontation. (He likes Hagrid and Molly, but doesn’t necessarily trust them to make decisions in their best interest, while he usually respects Lupin’s judgement). Harry loves him, and it’s because he loved him and watched him die that he needs to act and fight back against Voldemort.

Ultimately, Harry’s relationship with James and the adults who pass on his legacy is one of the most important symbolic relationships in the book. The thematic resolution of the series is Harry’s act of sacrificial love.

He did not know what to feel, except shock at the way Snape had been killed, and the reason for which it had been done....

...He could not bear to look at any of the other bodies, to see who else had died for him. He could not bear to join the Weasleys, could not look into their eyes, when if he had given himself up in the first place, Fred might never had died...

He turned away and ran up the marble staircase. Lupin, Tongs...He yearned not to feel....He wished he could rip out his heart, his innards, everything that was screaming inside of him.

To escape into someone else’s head would be a blessed relief....Nothing that even Snape had left him could be worse than his own thoughts.

DH 660-662, The Prince’s Tale

He rushes to the headmaster’s office to escape into Snape's memories. His memories convince Harry that sacrificing himself is the expedient thing to do, and he heads to the Forbidden Forest. To enable is last sacrifice, he uses the Resurrection stone to witness his parents and his father’s friends. Their combined testimony is enough to ameliorate his personal fears about following through with this final act.

Lupin and Snape leave entirely different legacies behind. Lupin encourages and inspires. As an authority figure, he gives people like Neville space to grow and his compassion towards Harry gives him the strength to face his demons. Harry’s decision in DH to die must have something to do with the kindness he was shown, and the sacrifices people who loved him made for him, of which Lupin is a part. Despite what he saw in Princes’ Tale, Snape wasn’t one of the people who’d make an appearance with the Resurrection stone.

Yet Snape sacrificed his life for Harry and the wizarding world, entities that Snape didn’t seem to like and that certainly weren’t kind to him. His form of bravery is about endurance, tenacity, and willingness to do what is right even when you hate your allies and no one else is going to credit you for what you do. And that’s very Harry. Even if he hates Draco, he’s not about to let him die if he can help it. Harry has much more in common with Snape than Lupin, I think.

Since this is about souls, let’s return to the Patronus charm. Snape’s not the kind of person who typically inspires that kind of emotion required to cast a Patronus in others, at least from what we see in Harry’s perspective. Yet because he has experienced that love, he can cast it and shows Harry what needs to be done. Snape enables Harry to dive under the ice. Lupin’s the kind of person who can inspire a patronus, but isn’t the one to make the sacrifice play until after Harry confronts him about his duty to his family. Ultimately, though, they both sacrifice themselves in the Battle of Hogwarts.

* Ever since I realized how blatantly tangential Order of Merlin must be to Snape’s character motivation, that line has frustrated me to no end. There’s no way frothing-at-the-mouth PoA Snape just really coveted that Order of Merlin. He’s often petty, yeah, but if Lupin believes it’s just about that and has nothing to do with Snape’s real conviction about how dangerous Lupin’s actions were, he’s deluding himself. I hate that he passes it on to his students.

**Yes, I am making up words today. Lupin’s faces prejudice and discrimination on a social level enforced by increasingly powerful discriminatory laws.

*** It’s worth noting that if we take every book as equally valid canon, then there’s either widespread ignorance towards lycanthropy, as Lockhart convinces everyone he was able to “cure” the Wagga-Wagga werewolf, and as teenage Horcrux!Riddle said Hagrid raised werewolf cubs under his bed, or else lycanthropy is actually a wide range of conditions under a wolfy umbrella ranging from treatable to incurable. Lupin is our primary source for lycanthropy: he’s the one who tells us about Greyback, for example. If we hold the first two books as equally valid, then perhaps we only know about Lupin’s particular type of condition. That’s the Watsonian analysis, anyways.

****4 These footnotes are getting ridiculous. Basically, there’s no consensus on what Dark Magic is, and on what basis it’s Evil. This essay goes into things that are labelled as curses. I’m inclined to believe that the vast majority of Dark Magic is just Magic We Don’t Like for Reasons.

The definition of what is and isn't considered Dark Magic is never explained: often it just seems to mean "a curse I don't approve of". Even "curse" has never been satisfactorily defined, but we can certainly say that not all curses are regarded as evil, since some appear to be on the Hogwarts curriculum, and are certainly performed without censure.

*****5 While I paired the quotes at the top of this section together for dramatic effect, it’d be a shame not to look at the context of the Lupin fight.

“I thought you’d say [that your mission was top secret],” said Lupin, looking disappointed. But I might still be of some use to you. You know what I am and what I can do. I could come with you to provide protection. There would be no need to tell me exactly what you were up to. Harry hesitated. It was a very tempting offer.

Hermione then asks about Tonks.

“I’m pretty sure my father would have wanted to know why you aren’t sticking with your own kid, actually”... ...“I’d never have believed this,” Harry said. “The man who taught me to fight dementors--a coward.”

...“Parents shouldn’t leave their kids unless--unless they’ve got to.”

...“I know I shouldn’t have called him a coward.”“No, you shouldn’t,” said Ron at once. “But he’s acting like one. “ “All the same...” said Hermione.

“I know,” said Harry. “But if it makes him go back to Tonks, it’ll be worth it, won’t it?”

He could not keep the plea out of his voice. Hermione looked sympathetic, Ron uncertain. Harry looked down at his feet, thinking of his father. Would James have backed Harry in what he had said to Lupin, or would he have bene angry at how his son had treated his old friend?

DH 213, The Bribe

Harry feels personally betrayed that someone who has a family and child would abandon them. Here he is unyielding and accusing to someone he cares about in the hopes that they re-evaluate what matters. It’s a rather Snape-like tactic, actually. Or else a Dumbledore one.

I love the dialogue in this scene, but have some major issues with how Harry’s internalization drops out the window for shock value. JKR does the same thing when has Harry pull the Veritaserum trick in HBP. I don’t like it.

******6 The witch and Snape aren’t perfect analogues, since she’s decidedly more amoral in my opinion, but they’re both contractually-motivated characters whose humanity is shown by their (platonic/familial) love for a more “innocent” character and the guilt at the innocent character’s sacrificial death. Guilt doesn’t lead the witch to do anything productive, and for Snape it does, which is where they diverge on the character path.

*******7 Draco may be an exception to this. However, watching Snape struggle to build rapport with Draco in HBP leads me to think that while Snape’s been on Draco’s side, he’s still not “nurturing,” or in other words, good at cultivating trust and encouraging the strong and wholesome parts of someone’s personality to grow.

#hp meta #snape #pro snape #severus snape #remus lupin #i haven't figured out how to make this appear above the cut...

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supercharmed-forever-mine · 3 years

Note

On the rating of 10, how do you rate the writing of each legacies characters, why and who deserves better? What aspects should be improved?

I updated some of the opinion for clarity and also added Finch because I forgot her originally

I'll just make a list and go down it and I'm sorry in advance I love responding but I'm horrible at grammar/punctuation and also I might tend to ramble but I'll try to be as concise as possible. It should also be noted anything I state that might possibly relate to ships is a personal opinion and I have nothing against any ships/characters gay or straight/Good or Evil. However would it be said that I definitely mean more towards the gay/Badass with a Golden heart side of shipping with any fandom.

Hope Mikaelson- As of now I would rate her writing at about a 6. And I only say that because as we know a majority of her characters personality slightly has always but this season especially related to her relationship with Landon. And I wish we would see the Badass Tribrid Hope we've been promised since season 1 I mean sure there are no lack of examples of her bravery and martyrdom. But I am tired of her always feeling down on herself and like she's a cosmic mistake when it has literally been proven by Lizzie's wish in season 1 that their life would be infinitely shittier without her. What they can do to improve it is have her focus on friendship and herself instead of trying to always focus on Landon. She deserves more than just to be a boy obsessed character I mean she's the daughter of Klaus F****** Mikaelson for Pete sakes she literally descends from the most powerful supernatural family ever to exist and is rightfully the most powerful being on the f****** planet.

Note: I found Handon's relationship cutesy in season 1 but now not so much especially since they use him dying as a plot line way too often it just doesn't have the same effect that used to***

Josie Saltzman-As of now I would rate her writing at about an 8. I like how her character at least for a while had her own storyline going off the mystic falls High School plotline and how she lived with delena because it was a good call back for us TVD fans but I think it could have definitely lasted longer than a few episodes. We all know it was just used as a lot device to introduce Ethan as a series regular and as an introduction for her to Finch's character. But overall I feel throughout the seasons she has experienced at least some personal growth as exhibited even in 3x15 where she admitted she has to stop saying sorry especially to Lizzie for not always jumping to do what she needs / she wants all the time. Whereas before Android AU version aside because she literally had to do what she was programmed to do. She has an exhibited that she's starting to do what she needs to do for Josie before others most of the time or she's trying to. And as far as her relationship to Finch well I don't see them being endgame I have no problem with them and I do see Finch being one of her major loves of the series that teaches her whatever lesson she needs that leads her to whoever her endgame love is. With her relationships I will always miss Posie and I wish they could get Lulu back at least just for one episode. Also I feel these last two episodes of the girls being a trio they have a really Been serving Hosie with the looks but also I feel like in general Josie and Hope have been really in f****** tune. In conclusion I just don't know because Kaylee's acting skills and just turning general I would rate a billion she could choke me and I would literally thank her.

Lizzie Saltzman-as of now I would rate her at about a 7. I feel as if she has had great personal growth over the series and hell even this season. I also like hell despite everything in her life especially her eternal struggle with her mental illness she is always trying to do better and not just for herself but mainly for others and some people would say that's not good but I like it because it truly shows what she stated in 1x03 during the gargoyle incident that she never wants to be the bad or evil one. She has all this s*** thrown at her being called broken, being seen as the lesser than sister, and not to mention the absentee parents. Yet through all this she manages to only get stronger especially once she builds a genuine friendship with hope. However what I will say is that I don't like the regression of her friendship with Hope in correlation to her progress of especially her mental illness. And what I mean by that is it's almost been shown that once she had even the seeds of a true friendship with Hope that Hope would never give up on her hell not but like even an episode or two into their newly formed friendship in S1 Hope went to Josie when she Lizzie was on the verge of a bad episode and "sweet" Josie was basically like fuck her she needs to fall on her ass for once and Hope ass was appalled y'all she was like Lizzie can't control her brain chemistry and was so defensive/protective it's like once they got over that hurdle that mainly Josie gave them everything clicked into place and they were almost instant bff's. So for them to do so good in season 2 and then it seems like it showed especially in these last several episodes black magic incident to bring Landon back aside that Lizzie's old issues of resentment and jealousy towards hope are starting to come back and I don't like that because the more Lizzie had A Friend in Hope it seems like the better she got at coping and doing better mentally.(sorry if this has been a confusing several sentences). And no by that I do not mean that Lizzie is mental progress has solely relied on Hope but I do think it has helped significantly for her to have a true friend. Also let it be noted now out of every ship though I should Hosie too HIZZIE is my #1 ship on Legacies two phenomenally beautiful woman also the enemies to friends to lovers trope *chef's kiss*which might be plausible as I always wondered what they meant in the Hosie crush confession scene of season 1 when Josie said that she always went after everybody josie liked hinting that Lizzie might be at least bisexual or maybe that was just what Josie perceived at like 12/13 years old. Also on the note of relationships Mizzie was a cute concept at the beginning but I do love the fact that MG is finally finding himself and standing up for himself but he did also do it and I kind of a******-ish way towards Lizzie. And that's all I can say for her. Actually I could probably write a novel on this women and also Hizzie but I won't lol.

Alaric Saltzman- As of now I would give him a rating of like a 4 . In the last several episodes I think he's been trying to make progress at being a better person but that's about all I can say I'm not an anti. But he definitely will not be winning the father of the year award anytime soon and like many people have pointed out he was a great guardian to Elena and Jeremy so he has the potential in parenting he obviously just ain't using it or lost it over the decades. I don't hate him but I do believe they're doing a discredit towards the better man he was in The vampire Diaries especially at the beginning.

Landon Kirby-His writing is like a 3. He is just there to be arm candy for hope. Until the last couple episodes where he became this for once realistic not optimistic hardened badass he literally brought nothing to The season other than someone for Hope to obsess over. And to be someone that they repeatedly kill for shock value even though it literally shocks no one anymore. I don't hate his character but he doesn't tickle My Fancy as much anymore. His character has a lot of potentialy especially if they ever bring back in his Phoenix side and truly explore it beyond his almost endless ability to revive and being a "Bird Boy" lol. I mean truthfully they're doing him a disservice Aria is a phenomenal actor who could take his character places if they just let him be more than a basic ass plot device. Also can we talk about how gorgeous of a man Aria is especially in these last few episodes looking love it and fine as f***.

As it has become apparent to me I ramble too much and I just don't have the capacity as it is now almost 1:00 in the morning my time to do anymore characters in depth so I will be doing a simple excerpt for the rest now that I have done the main 5 people.

Kaleb Hawkins- His writing is a 8. I do like how he's coming to himself over the years and is a a right hand man to Alaric now instead of being just a uncontrollable vampire(the only hate on this part not towards Kaleb but Alaric is that it shows he will virtually mentor/uplift almost any teen that ain't his own daughters). Though in my opinion he always kind of had a point on some things especially about the hypocrisy of Alaric in season 1 especially on the bmood drinking thing. Him and Mg's relationship is awesome I'm glad they made up in the last episode and our brothers again. Also I was rooting for him and Cleo I think they would be a cute little couple. Also I need his backstory immediately especially after saying to Cleo the last time he was vulnerable he died I need to know how he turned.

Milton Greasley(MG)- His writing is a 9 the season. I say that because he is really came into his own and stopped being the punching bag. Though I think the idea or used to think at least that him and Lizzie would be cute together I am proud of him for standing up to Lizzie finally even though I liked him always being there for her I was tired of him being a fallback for her when it didn't work with whoever however I do think he could have went about the rejection a little bit gentler especially with how he knows of Lizzie's emotional problems. And don't even get me started on Alyssa that was just a disaster that should have never even been brought to fruition her cheating with Jed was probably the best thing that could have happened. I liked his little side adventure with Ethan though I do think they could have wrote it a little better I was sad when he had to compel the memories away like they still could have been friends he just couldn't have known about the supernatural stuff also I'm still not convinced Ethan won't become supernatural later in the series if he stays on. And that's all I have to say on that one love my baby.

Jed Tien-His writing I can't really give a writing I don't think it's horrible but I do think overall they could give him a better plot line as a series regular other than just being used for the comical relief eye candy/mentioning how he's the alpha. Though it was funny the whole pool tournament to decide who was alpha will Finch was just exactly that so bad it was laughable. However I do respect the fact that he even admitted to her that he knew she threw the game and that he is a genuine man of his word and has become better over the series from like this dumb jock stereotype to this genuine dude the Alyssa incident aside. He is a cinnamon roll and I will protect him at all cost.

Ethan- Again as he just became a series regular this season and barely showed up in his premiere season. I will not be rating him in any traditional sense. His writing is not totally horrible I liked his adventures with mg they could have been written better and they still could have let him be MG's friend without supernatural knowledge instead of compelling the friendship completely away. And I am still not convinced he will not become supernatural in some way depending on how long he stays in the series truthfully it's actually almost inevitable unless they go the whole route of making him the Matt/Token Human of the show which I really hope they don't I mean he can stay human but don't make him a supernatural hater.

Cleo-her writing is 10. I say that because she has been a phenomenal character and I've never seen the actress before but she is obviously phenomenal as well. I like her whole connection to Malivore and how it's a legitimate one that seems to be interwoven with the story that's already been presented and add something new. I also like how she tried and really wanted to genuinely be friends with all the characters especially hope but at the same time she was also very realistic and new probably and truthfully the only way for Malivore to be defeated was for Hope to Go full Tribrid and she wasn't above actually trying to murder hope to save herself and just get rid of Malivore which I can't blame her.

Malivore-after the end of season 3 / the first couple episodes of season 4 which were supposed to be the original ending to season 3 I better never hear the name again I am so tired of it this should have ended like at least a season ago at this point it's dragging on. This was supposed to be a monster of the week type of series which is okay me personally I have always appreciated having one big bad of the season and then a couple of minor baddies that get their characters arcs and take a few episodes to defeat or something as like a B or C plot. Point being is that this character and plot line has gotten stiff as can be. To be honest I think half of us aren't even here for plot line anymore we just want to see which of our ships get together.

Finch-I am loving her character and I do think she's cute with Josie. Also I stan anyone who is a sarcastic b**** Queen. I think it's nice how her will backstory was different than the traditional one but also I hated how sad it was like she literally didn't even know what she was doing. Though I will say calling Lizzie the "evil" twin that she can fight me because you don't talk about my blonde cinnamon roll like that is based on one impression from something that was only meant and done out of a good place and Lizzie's heart trying to find out her backstory. But other than that I have no real qualms with this character and it is too early to have a real in-depth analysis/opinion of her.

Thank you for reading this long rant hope I answered your question well enough if not PM me on anything specific.

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