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#you people decided to keep him here when my sister worked night shift for whatever reason
omarfor-orchestra · 1 year
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I'm so mad I can't sleep
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kikis-writing-world · 2 years
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WIP Check-In
MiHello my dear followers! I know I’ve been MIA recently (aside from some random meme reblogs) but I’m hoping my life gets a little less crazy and I can make some room in my schedule for tumblr/reading/writing/etc. In anticipation for that, I’ve got a list and some info about some WIPs I have going. Please please please feel free to message about any that intrigue you - talking about them might help me get the gumption to write and/or we might come up with some new plot ideas!
Check under the cut and message me here :) Feel free to ask for more info or for sneak peeks at anything.
In no particular order:
Whiskey Straight (Jack Daniels x F!Reader) I promise I’m still working on this! My current plan is that I will rewrite what exists, finish the whole thing, and then remove what exists when I’m reading to repost. Once it’s done, it will be a weekly posting.
Untitled Professor Marcus Moreno smut Lord give me the motivation to finish this one. I’ve been working on it for so long and I think there are a lot of people on here who want to read about subby Marcus being such a good boy... It’s basically subby Professor Moreno getting his world rocked by his wife when she comes to visit him in his office. What more could you want?
Untitled Oberyn x F!OC x Ellaria, reincarnation multi-fic This story haunts me to the point where I’ve considered if I should create all original characters and try to publish it as an original story, but every time I’ve thought about taking Oberyn and Ellaria out of it, my brain just goes “nope, not happening then.” This could be considered a soulmate fic in some ways. The first half takes places in Dorne but then the second half is modern day reincarnations of the three characters, the universe bringing them back together again. The thoughts I’ve come up with for modern day Ellaria and Oberyn are just so much fun. (A fashion model who is starting to get recognized for her work, and her independently wealthy, untamable long-term fiance/agent.) It’s so self indulgent. It’s hurt/comfort, smut, angst, slow burn hopefully...
Attraction and Other Subjectivities 2 (Jonathan Levy x Reader) I’ve had ideas for a second installment of this fic since I wrote it. Mira gets involved, Jonathan gets pissy, reader gets hurt- it’s angsty for sure. Not sure yet if it gets a happy ending (or maybe a third part that has happiness? Hmm...)
Memories (Frankie x Ghost!Reader) I’ve been slowly working on this since last Halloween. I hope to have it ready for this year’s... Frankie loses his pilot license. Job hunting leads him to a graveyard shift - literally. He starts working as a night guard/groundskeeper for a cemetary. A young woman spooks him one night, and she disappears when he tells her no one should be inside... but she’s there again the next night, and the next- finally, he realizes she’s not “among us” and needs help to cross over.
Nose Art (Por Dameron x Reader) This is borderline crack fic, but it stems from the idea of the nose art/pin up girls that would be painted on old fighter planes. It essentially boils down to Reader posing for pin-up art and Poe being a big, big fan of it.
Catfished (Frankie x Miller!OC) Frankie meets Will and Benny’s little sister and they decide to mess with the older, overbearing brothers... but also, maybe it’s not just for the sake of her brothers? This is a meet-cute with the beginnings of feels more so than an actual romance.
Untitled Oberyn x Reader A/B/O Smut (possible Ellaria as well? Not sure yet...) This is smut. 100% pure A/B/O dynamics smut. Reader is mated with Oberyn and has her first Spring heat since the mating. I’ve always loved reading A/B/O but have never written it. I just know Oberyn would be a good alpha and would be able to keep up with whatever his omega needed. I’ve barely even started writing the smut of it, just the lead up, and I’m already loving the shit out of it!!!
There are more, but these are the ones I’m most excited about/been trying to work on lately. I’d love to chat with y’all about them!!
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solarwriting · 3 years
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guns and gifts
carl gallagher x fem!reader
request: Hey! I hope I can send you a request for Karl Gallagher of Shameless. Maybe Karl and y / n were a couple before jail, and after leaving jail he came to her to ask her for forgiveness. y / n doesn't forgive him and he starts giving her gifts and apologizing every day. Then everything is at your discretion. Happy ending please💛 from @powerpuffluuvv
genere: fluff + angst
word count: 2.1k
warnings: swearing, ooc carl
posted on april 18, 2021
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puppy love. thirteen year-olds holding hands and sharing stolen kisses. it was a sweet relationship that could’ve grown and matured with the two teens as they did. instead carl found himself a job on the corner and when he got caught y/n was done. fiona tried to get through to the boy, asking him to apologize but he brushed her off.
“can i please just talk to him? maybe he’ll listen to me.” y/n pleaded with the lawyer.
fiona stepped in, “it wouldn’t hurt to try it.”
“five minutes.” the lawyer relented.
y/n thanked him and rushed into the room where he sat. he squinted at her through the glasses fiona gave him. “i’m not fuckin’ sorry. i wish i was smarter about it. i wouldn’t have used chuckie as a mule.”
“you know what. if you don’t tell that judge you’re fucking sorry and that you’ve learned from your mistakes i will never speak to you again.” y/n exited the room quickly letting the ultimatum hang in the air as the door slammed behind her.
during the hearing her eyes were trained on the back of his head, hoping she could somehow will him to do the right thing. she kept her arms crossed as she leaned back. kev and v were sat next to her, waiting anxiously to see what he’d say.
“i’m going to make juvie my bitch.” as soon as he said those words, y/n sighed, getting up from her seat, shouldering her back and slipping out of the courtroom as they hauled carl away. he caught her eye before she left, she froze for a moment before shaking her head and making her exit.
time passed and she still spent time with the rest of the gallaghers, she lived across the street so it would have been hard not too. she helped take care of liam when needed and she got a job at patsy’s with fiona’s help.
the day carl came back had been a surprise for everyone, y/n was helping fiona with making dinner after a shift at patsy’s. the front door had slammed shut and, thinking it was debbie, fiona asked if she got a message about hamburger buns. y/n’s eyes shot up when a much deeper voice responded, “nah, it’s just me.”
excited, fiona rushed towards the boy, wrapping him up in a hug. hugging back, he looked up throwing a wave to y/n who was rooted in place, “hey, y/n.”
snapping herself back into reality she lurched forward wiping her hands and grabbing her things, pulling her bag over her shoulder and gripping her keys tightly she looked back at the boy as fiona fussed over his new appearance. “fuck you, carl.” she spat, slamming the back door shut behind her.
y/n managed to avoid carl at school the next day, he was too busy with “his boy” nick and his new white boy carl personality and selling illegal weapons in the bathrooms to bother her anyways. she rushed to patsy’s as soon as school ended and began her shift.
she spent the afternoon rushing from table to table, taking orders, passing out food, and pouring coffee. she was pouring coffee for a couple sitting near the front door when the bell twinkled, signaling a new customer.
her back turned to the door and her focus pointed and the coffee she was pouring she greeted the customer quickly, “take a seat anywhere and i’ll be right with you darling.” she smiled at the couple before turning around, finding herself face to face with white boy carl himself. “get the fuck out.”
y/n rushed away from him, pouring coffee for a man sat at the counter. carl followed, “please just talk to me, y/n.”
“she doesn’t want to talk to you, man.” the customer spoke up as y/n placed the coffee pot on the burner.
“what the fuck did you just say to me?” carl asked the man.
he stood up, “i told you she doesn’t want to talk. so leave.”
y/n stepped in before a physical altercation broke out, “thank so much, sir, but i can fight my own battles.” she pushed carl towards the door, “out.” she kept pushing him despite his protests, “get the fuck out. go.”
the door slammed behind them, and carl began to speak, “no, you’re going to shut your fucking mouth and listen. i don’t want to listen to you. i don’t want to talk to you. and i don’t even want to see you but that last one might be a little fucking impossible since we’re neighbors and i work with your sister so i’m going to be civil towards you but i will only acknowledge your existence when it is absolutely necessary. clear?”
carl began to protest but y/n cut him off, “are we fucking clear?” carl grumbled an agreement and y/n sighed, “good, now get the fuck out if here. i have to go back to work.”
y/n rushed back into the diner, throwing herself back into work. hoping she looked busy enough to keep the nosy man from before to leave her alone, she poured more coffee, took orders, passed out plates. until her shift ended and she could finally take the l back home.
the next run in with carl happened two days later, she was walking home from school, thankful for the day off from work when carl and nick pulled up on a bike. “y/n! wait!”
sighing, y/n whipped around, “i thought i told you i didn’t want to talk to you.”
“i have something for you.” carl explained as he got closer, y/n ignored him and started walking again, the bike quickly catching up with her. “here.”
y/n scoffed, eyeing the bag, “whatever it is i don’t want it.”
“it’s a book, debbie told me you wanted to read it.”
y/n sped up, “no thanks, already read it.” she didn’t care what book it was, she didn’t want anything from him. she took this moment to cross the street, the passing cars making it difficult for the boys on the bike to follow.
she entered the gallagher house hoping carl would be too busy to come home for a few hours while she watched liam. “i get off at nine, if anyone else comes home you’re welcome to leave but i plan on bringing something back for dinner if you want to stick around for that.”
“of course i’ll stay. me and liam are going to have a great time. isn’t that right liam?” y/n asked the toddler who nodded enthusiastically. fiona thanked her and rushed out the door.
y/n put on a movie, which liam fell asleep watching about thirty minutes in. y/n got up and stretched when the movie ended, adjusting the blanket she threw over liam when he fell asleep. she walked in the kitchen, stiff from sitting for so long. she pulled out a can of pop from the fridge and leaned her back against the fridge, using to stretch her body more.
the door swung open and carl walked in, “good you’re hear, i have something else for you.”
“whatever it is, i don’t want it.” y/n sighed into her drink.
“it’s a necklace, here.” he opened the velvet box to show her an expensive looking necklace.
she turned away from him, “no thanks.” walking back into the living room. “go somewhere else please, i have to watch liam.”
carl sighed before exiting the house with nick, who had been hanging back by the door during the exchange. he nodded to nick and the two rolled out to go do god knows what.
that night fiona came home with food, the entire gallagher clan plus kev and v enjoyed. there were enough people that y/n managed to avoid speaking to carl the entire evening. every time he tried to speak to her she’d find someone to talk to, she talked lip about something she had to do for school, ian told her about trevor, and her and debbie talked about anything.
v even pointed out the strange behavior when carl was left looking slightly dejected to fiona, who just shrugged in response.
“thank you fiona, goodnight everyone.” y/n called as she stepped out the back door. she crossed the street quickly and made it home, which as usual was empty, the rest of her family nowhere to be found.
she sighed, grabbing a beer from the fridge and kicking of her shoes as soon as she made it to her room. she threw herself back on her bed yelping when she collided with something hard. she jumped up only to see the jewelry box and book carl had bought her. she set her beer down and pulled the box open, smiling at the necklace. it was gold, with a small tear shaped pendant that held some sort of crystal or diamond.
she set the box next to her beer, which she grabbed and took sip of as she grabbed the book. it was actually something she’d been wanting, she rolled her eyes before opening it to the first page.
the next fee days followed a similar pattern, carl would stop her at school and work and even his own house to offer her gifts, which she would refuse, which would always end up on her bed at the end of the day. on a particularly rough day, y/n had enough. she was walking home from school, carl (who was alone this time) behind her, like clockwork offering another gift.
“carl, please just leave me alone. i don’t have the energy to deal with you.” y/n said not stopping. carl made a comment and y/n snapped, “god i’m not going to forgive you because you chose to go to juvie. you could have just apologized and gotten parole but that didn’t happen. and i’m not going to be your girlfriend again because i don’t even know who you are any more, this thug personality doesn’t look good on you.” y/n sighed rushing away before he could answer.
she was suddenly thankful for the day off, deciding to spend it all alone at home. it was a friday and her weekend was also free so she spent the next few days home alone. her family was gone of course, they only only seemed to show up once a month just to leave again the same day.
sunday evening y/n laid in the couch watching what was on tv when there was a knock on the door. y/n groaned, getting up to answer it freezing when carl was revealed on the other side. he looked small, he was curled into himself and he looked sad. his braids were out, soft curls in the place. “hey, y/n.” he said softly. y/n wordlessly moved out of the way to let him in.
“i’m done. no more sell drugs, guns, anything. something happened, with nick and i don’t want that to be my life anymore.” his voice cracked and y/n instinctively wrapped him into a hug, squeezing protectively. he cried into her shoulder, holding her tightly, scared to let her go.
“hey,” y/n spoke softly, running her fingers through his hair, “you’re okay. i got you.” once carl calmed down, he pulled away but y/n held onto him, hands on his face.
“i really miss you y/n. and i know i was awful before but all i want to do is be with you. i love you.” he sighed, his hands holding her wrists.
y/n pulled him closer, ���i love you, too, idiot.” carl gave her a lopsided smiled before surging forward to connect their lips in a hot kiss. y/n stumbled backwards before backing into the wall behind her. carl bit on her lip softly causing her breath to catch in her throat. she tugged on his hair and he squeezed her hips. she pulled away for breath, pressing her forehead to his, “my room?” breathless carl nodded pressing a quick kiss to her lips before they rushed to her room.
the next morning the front door slammed opened, “y/n! i’m going to kill fiona!” debbie stormed through the house bursting into y/n’s room where she was laying next to a topless carl, wearing only his t-shirt, “oh my god! ew!” debbie shielded her eyes from the sight before her.
“hey, debs.” y/n mumbled, sheepishly.
debbie groaned, “just get dressed, we have school.”
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your-highnessmarvel · 3 years
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From Bleak to Bright
Requested by Anonymous: the world is in black and white until you meet your soulmate. you’re Bruce’s little sister. you want to go with him during Avengers 2012 because you’re the only one that “can calm the beast” if ever he pops out. so you’re just chilling with the avengers in the flying thing. then they bring Loki in. the world goes to bright, bright colors. you don’t want it to be him. but it is. no one knows. no one knows but him.
AN: IM BACK. YES. AFTER LIKE A WHOLE YEAR. the flying thingy. me too i had to google it, ahaha
Warnings: angst, language
*gif not mine
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You spun on the stool, facing your brother with a sigh. He scratched the back of his head, the glow from Loki’s scepter reflecting on his specs in a grey light. 
“One more hour?” he asked with a wince. 
You rolled your eyes. “Okay,” you groaned. “But then we’re off to bed. And I’m putting Celine Dion on the stereo to sleep.”
“Not her again,” he groaned. 
You raised a finger, brows crawling up your forehead. “You made me come here on this ridiculous flying tank with the God damned Avengers, of all people, and we’ve been here for four days listening to sounds of water dripping and Cap’s fifties music.”
Bruce sighed, leaning his forehead into his palm. “Fine.” His hands went up in mock surrender. You could see the tension in his shoulders, straining against the material of his chemise. 
Not that you could see the color of it. You imagined it was blue. Bruce liked blue. Bruce knew colors. Of course he did. He’d met his soulmate such a long time ago, you’d forgotten she even existed. 
But not you. You’d gone through life in the dreary black and white of a world without a soulmate. But now you were curious. You knew the colors by name, but not sight. What does green even look like? Bruce had told you trees and grass were green. Some people’s eyes. Ever since he’d told you that, green became your favorite. Maybe blue could beat it, since Tony Stark had told you the sky was all shades of blue combined. 
An alarmed blared overhead, and your first instinct was to run to your brother’s side. Bruce’s eyes met yours, his mouth tugging up at the corners. 
He’s fine.
Your hand found the curve of his forearm, still. No one really knew what actually triggered the Hulk, and you, being his little sister, were the only human alive able to tame the beast. 
You heard footsteps, many, clambering loudly down the hall. The door to Bruce’s workspace was wide open, and you heard the telltale sound of security making their way down the hall. You frowned. What could they be doing so late at night, and so many all together?
At first, from the windows in the workspace, you only saw the black suits of the security patrol, their reflective masks bright in the hall. They walked in patterned, simultaneous movements, guns held firm in their grasps.
You saw the top of a really - no, seriously, really! - tall head, black hair. White skin. And as the small platoon of security walked passed your door, you saw the man walking in their midst, tied in shackles. 
He turned his head, buzzing in your mind, something deep in your chest tightening. And then you saw the color of his eyes. 
You couldn’t tell at first. Because the world became so vivid, so bright. He went from black and white to stark and bright and whole before your eyes, stealing the breath from your lungs. 
A ringing started in your ears, a burning in your throat. You couldn’t help but stare, watching his eyes drink you in as well, watching his own world turn from ash to bright as the sun. 
No, you thought. No. Not him. 
Anyone but him.
And just before he rounded the corner, his lips stretched into a smirk. 
A cold hand on your arm brought you back. As if slamming back into your body. 
“You okay?” Bruce asked. 
You gulped. Nodded. Felt your cheeks blooming with heat. “Yeah, of course.”
You could see the colors on your brother, now. Albeit, not being able to tell which specific color it was. And yet he was beautiful. Later, after hours of searching online for colors, you’d be able to tell his hair was black, his eyes a warmest brown, his skin a shade of white a few degrees darker than yours. 
But now, it took everything in you not to scream. 
You could finally see the entire world for what it truly was and all because of a demi-God wrought with darkness. 
No. It couldn’t be him.
You separated from your brother, your mouth dry, feeling his eyes on you. He could always tell when you were troubled. But there was just no way, no freaking way, you’d tell him that you’d just met your soulmate. If he knew who it was... No. You wouldn’t tell him. You wouldn’t tell anyone. 
You went to the computer and turned the screen away from Bruce, clearing your throat. Bruce went back to his own computer.
You didn’t even search up colors yet. You searched up the possibility of soulmates being wrong for each other. The computer spat out articles and data from hundreds of years, all proving that the soulmate trigger worked. That the signs of color all proved one had met the person right for them.
You sighed, dropping your head in your hands. 
You rubbed at your eyes, steeling yourself for what you were about to ask. 
“Bruce?”
“Hmm?”
“Did they just bring in Loki?”
His head raised from his computer. “Yeah.” He frowned. “I’m going to go ask why. Does it disturb you that he’s here?”
You scratched your jaw. “No, not at all,” you said quickly, too quickly. You cringed internally, hoping your face didn’t mimic the shame you felt. “Just - why?”
“I’ll go ask,” Bruce said. If he had any inkling as to why you were suddenly intrigued in God of mischief, he didn’t give any clue. 
He left. You took a second to steady yourself. You counted your fingers. Felt the shape of your face. 
Then you took a breath in and all but flew out the door. 
You followed the maze that was the inner organs of the Helicarrier until you reached the “jail”, which was, upon inquiry, meant to hold your brother if ever you weren’t there to calm him in time. 
You watched from outside the doors as Fury talked to Loki. You couldn’t help the fire in your chest as you watched. Loki seemed trapped, looking discreetly around the room, around his glass cage, his green eyes keen on any weakness.
You felt the sweat collecting in the palm of your hands. You waited patiently, praying whatever Bruce was up to would keep him long enough that he wouldn’t come looking for you. You heard broken pieces of the conversation on the other side of the steel enforced doors, but Loki’s voice was even, steady, unafraid. 
He knew he wouldn’t be beat here.
You counted to one hundred the moment Fury walked out. Your heart beat vehemently between your ribs, battering your bones. Your knees were putty when you finally, slowly, opened the doors.
The air ruffled your hair, blowing it out of your face. 
He stood tall, straight, unmoving, statuesque in the middle of his prison. Hands at his sides. Eyes mild. Mouth straight. He gave no indication that his world had finally shifted after millennia of black and white. 
“I didn’t have to wait long.” His voice sent shivers down your spine, your body so reactive to even the sound of his words that you wondered, for just a second, what his touch would do. 
You closed the door, tentatively approaching the control board. You saw a big red button and decided maybe touching random buttons wouldn’t do any of you any good. 
“What’s your name?” he asked, following your movements with his sharp emerald gaze. He still stood there, like cement was poured down the length of his spine. 
You darted your eyes back to his. He was glad in - what you later learned - was a green and gold ensemble, a green cotton cape grazing the floor of his cage. He was beautiful, really. Cut by the finest knife to the most perfect edge. 
He smiled then, creasing his cheeks in what you could only feel as adorable. 
“Didn’t expect it to be moi, did you, princess?”
You tried not to react, but heat bloomed across your cheeks, giving you away. 
“Why?” you asked.
He rolled his eyes, sighing dramatically, breaking his statuesque stance to throw his arms up. “By the Gods,” he groaned, accent thick on his tongue. “You humans are so pathetic. Why this? Why that? Why me? Oh, you want to be so special that you question the straight line of fate as if the entire meaning of the world revolved around you.”
You raised your brows. Wow. He’d been thinking of that for a while.
“Do you know the colors?” you asked, approaching the glass that separated you from your soulmate. 
He took you in, green eyes drinking you in from head to toe. He didn’t seem to think anything negative about his soulmate. “I’ve taken sense-enhancing drugs in my lifetime,” he said. “I’ve known colors briefly. Thor taught them to me.”
You nodded. “Your eyes are green.”
His lips split in a grin. “You’re very perceptive,” he chuckled. “And you’re wearing a powder blue sweater. Childish.”
Something in you shifted and you wanted to say something, something bad. Something along the lines of, “what is your favorite color?” and then run and wear it.
Instead, you approached the glass even more. By this distance, you could see he was significantly taller than you. He eyed you down his nose. 
“A human,” he said with distaste. 
“Maybe that’s your punishment,” you ventured, your heart railing against your ribs. “Maybe that’s your conundrum. You’ve thought nothing of humanity but the possibility to dominate and squander us under your boot like ants. Isn’t it fitting?”
You saw the anger cross his face before his lips spat the vile things he thought in his mind. “You are not worthy of a God, you fleeting, imbecile, nothingness of a human. I will outlive you before I even grow a white hair. Our children will watch you wither before they’ve even gone to school.”
“Our children?”
That seemed to faze him. 
Wow, you thought. Of all the things Loki was, he was traditional. He very well intended to follow through with the soulmate script; to marry you and have children with you.
The thought first amazed you, burning bright in your mind’s eye. Then you thought twice and feigned disgust. 
He laughed. “Oh, please, you’re the luckiest woman in the universe to have been bound to a God.”
“Aren’t you a demi?”
His gaze placated you. “I am, but the fact remains that I am greater than you, greater than anything your pathetic little human brain can conceive.”
You rolled your eyes with audacity you didn’t know you had. “Well,” you sighed, shrugging, hands in your back pockets. “What now?”
He cocked his head. “What do you mean?”
“Are we to start this - thing, or are we to go back to our normal lives and, hoping you don’t obliterate the planet, we never see each other again?”
His jaw clenched, working. “You know it’s physically impossible now for us to be apart.” He said this through clenched teeth, hands in fists. 
You shrugged again. “I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t mind never having to look at your ugly mug ever again.”
He frowned deeply. “Try it, then, you’ll see, mortal.”
You sighed apathetically, turning your back to him. 
“Before you go!” Loki called. You turned slowly on your heel, offering him nothing but your side profile. “Let your brother know I’m hoping to meet him soon.”
The blood in your veins went cold. 
Part 2? Anybody?
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sirensmojo · 3 years
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"Big Bank!" - Hubby! Tommy Shelby x Reader
Warnings: Big Fluff, Old Money love story vibes.
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Summary: Tommy decided to let his wife take care of his Gin. He comes to taste it for the first time after the Gin was met with great success.
A/N: We stand for a caring & trusting Thomas, sorry not sorry.
*Masterlist*
It was a windy day when Tommy entrusted you with his Gin distillery.
The sun was out, as your children were running around the garden, their giggling easing his mind. His head dropped backward on the garden chair as fingers of one of his hands were fidgeting with his cup or whiskey, as a cigarette was locked in between his lips.
Spring was early this year, much to your family’s pleasure. Spending time outside was something you loved to do, and knowing Tommy’s busy agenda, you made sure to make every family moment the best one.
No need to say time flew so fast, the days becoming months, becoming years.
Tommy and you was an evidence. From the day you bumped into each other in the London’s library his sister Ada used to work, you were inseparable. Thus you didn’t know each other for very long, but everything between you made this fact questionable.
You were acting as if you knew each other since children, a single look and you understood what the other thought. Not too many words were said, but not too many words were needed.
Although you weren’t Tommy’s first wife, you were “the perfect two”, making all the people you knew jealous and envious.
“My love,” you announced your presence when coming closer to the garden table as your husband was eyes closed. “I did some thinking.” You added, catching his attention.
Tommy straightened back his head and he was now facing you as you seated in front of him, glimpsing from afar of your three little boys.
“You know I don’t like your whiskey or any type of alcohol, truly.” You raised your brows, and he puffed on his cig, waiting for you to continue. “I want to make Shelby’s Gin.” You let out outright.
No need to turn around your wish, by the way he shifted position you already knew he was ready to hear anything, and you didn’t want to disturb him from his peace. You knew how he dearly appreciated those little moments in which he didn’t have to think about running a business or dealing with dirty gangsters and rude people.
“You want to do what?” He raised a brow not too sure he heard you well, but when he caught eyes of your lips curling at the corner of your mouth, he knew he had heard it well.
His family was his haven of peace and you would do anything to take off some weight off your Shelby’s shoulders. it was a regular task, a daily basis habit that you quickly took and that you’ll probably never lose.
“I already tried a mixture.” His deep voice accentuating your smile.
“It’s my turn now, you played enough with that, you need to focus on real business now. Put your mind elsewhere and let me fill my bottles.”
You couldn’t quite put your finger on what changed precisely, but you noticed a shifting in your husband’s expression along with the gleam animating his iris.
You thought it was worry.
You lost your father a few months ago due to lung disease and your mother died long ago when you were the age of your own children, and as an only child, you were now all alone without your parents.
Gracefully you had Tommy and the kids because if you hadn’t you didn’t know how you would’ve handled this loss.
As being a sensible cord, your husband didn’t bring it up, and he wasn’t the type of comforting people with words anyway, but he tried it his way, which means he bought you a ridiculous amount of new jewellery and books because he knew how much you liked to read and how you were a simp for big diamonds.
Incidentally, Tommy always found it funny how much time you spend with your nose in books while having a voracious appetite for jewellery. He would never miss an occasion to make fun of you when catching you reading as you had to wear glasses, and it was all funny and stuff till he too, had to wear glasses to read.
Now, in bed, you looked like two old people, instead, you were reading adventure and dramatic novels whereas he was stuck with political subjects.
“Okay.” He didn’t hesitate a single moment which made you smile.
“Okay?” you repeated, your smile growing as seconds passed. He straightened back, leaning over the table to you and his hands reached for yours.
You intertwined your fingers together with ease, sparkles spreading at the tips of each of it.
It was that way with every of his touches. He just had that power over you, which you were proud of as it was just love. It could never be anything else.
His deep blue eyes were anchored into your Y/C/E’s ones and you knew he was trying to bring you comfort. He knew what it felt like to lose people, and was ready to give you whatever if that meant to ease your pain.
You neared your faces and he ran his thumb over the end of your nose, down to your lips as cupping your cheek with his palm. Tommy’s head was slightly tilted to the side, his only purpose being to reach your soul with either his touch or his soul hidden behind his iris.
You leaned your head into his touch and closed your eyes for a second, enjoying that moment between the two of you as the breeze made its way to your neck under your mane.
Now, nearly five weeks later, all Birmingham was only speaking of the Shelby family as the people making “the good priced good gin” according to what you heard in the streets. From the fancy restaurant to the underground pubs, everyone in town had tasted of that oh so liked liquor.
Tommy first heard how good the gin was by his brother Arthur. He, who liked to get drunk all day long and all night long, was always keeping a bottle of it in his car or even on himself.
Then it was Ada, always offering him a drink of it whenever he would visit her.
(...)
It was 4 in the afternoon when Tommy walked through Charlie’s yard to join the Gin factory, when opening the door he was surprised to see you, seated at the old dusty desk filling paper and sipping on several cups.
Your husband frowned, “Y/N?”. He didn’t know if he should be worried or glad to see you working in such a place while drinking a lot knowing you’re not even a drinker in the first place.
You lifted your gaze to him and a huge smile instantly warmed up the atmosphere in the space, “Tommy!” You exclaimed as you got up. Being a bit dizzy you were strongly holding onto the table while getting up but you wanted to join him, and that’s when Tommy noticed your reddened cheek and little eyes.
“You’re drunk,” he stated, concerned. His expression shifted. He seemed a bit worried as he took one of your wrists to help you walk correctly.
You waved your free hand before you as to blow away his remark, “I was trying a new mixture for the Gin.” You informed him. You slid a hand into his rough one and stepped backwards, to the desk. “Here, choose one and tell me.” You proudly pointed to each of the cups. “This one on the left is spicy, the middle one a little too sweet for the Americans, this one to the right is the version that is out, and the last one is a bit strong. If the sadness hit too much.”
“The sadness?” Tommy asked while grabbing the third cup, being the gin that was already out. He was quite startled by how implicated his wife seemed to be, he didn’t actually think she would invest that much time and energy in this activity, but he was relieved she found a reason to get up every morning other than their beautiful family.
He knew how living a life without having or serving a purpose was meaningless and boring, even more, when being saddened by something you can’t control such as the death of a loved one.
The Shelby brother will sleep better now, knowing his other half found purpose somewhere, even if seeing her drunk was a sight he could never get used to…
At this moment, he felt the need to feel her skin under his touch before doing anything else, and that’s what he did, putting his hand at the end of her back, he pulled her closer, his thumb rubbing her skin over the fabric of her dress.
Tommy then drank from the cup and took his time judging the taste of it.
He opened his eyes and dropped the cup on the desk before turning to his wife, she was looking at him, impatience spreading all over her face. She seemed ready to hear Tommy’s opinion on her Gin... On their gin.
The blue-eyed man grabbed her face in his hands and pressed his forehead to Y/N’s. She closed her eyes a couple of seconds before opening them to a staring Tommy. He was fondling her cheeks with his thumbs before exhaling deeply, “I now understand why everyone’s talking about us, Shelbys, being fucking genius’, eh” He got distracted by her lips.
“This,” he pointed to the bottle standing at the corner of the table, and, once again, Tommy got distracted, he noticed words were present on the bottle down the name. “Distilled for the eradication of incurable sadness.” He read out loud.
A faint smile was found on his face before he agitated the bottle in his hand. He was proud.
He put down the bottle and directly sealed his lips to Y/N’s, the calling for love being too loud to resist.
That was exactly why it was her and no one else, she was always unpredictable and versatile. Who would have thought his bibliophile wife could be a real gem in the making of gin?
She put away, gasping for air before looking him in the eyes, “What? Did I never tell you the fact that my grandpa was making alcohol?” She teased his lips by speaking inches away from them, “I know one or two tricks. That’s why it’s selling well.” She concluded before pressing their lips together eagerly.
“This is a big bank, yea” He succeeded at saying in between two kisses.
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superhero--imagines · 3 years
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Part 2 Here! / Part 3 Here! / Part 4 Here! / Part 5 Here! / Part 6 Here!
A/N: not superhero themed. I just read midnight sun and had this idea and I don’t feel like making another blog so.... hope you like twilight lol
There will be a part two, and just a reminder, I’m still looking for beta readers so DM if you’re interested!
* It probably starts with you reading midnight sun, you remember reading the books/watching the movies when you were younger.
* Man, you really forgot how bad this book was. The writing itself is good, but the plot...
* It’s like everything revolves around Bella, everything is created for her.
* You almost feel bad for the other characters
* Well, whatever, you’ll finish the rest of the book tomorrow and never think about that awful franchise again.
* When you wake up you feel an ache in your head. But you didn’t drink last night, maybe you’re dehydrated
* You shift, noting the smooth silk of the covers. Now you’re alarmed.
* You don’t have silk sheets
* You see a mirror in the corner of the room, and rush over
* The face that looks back at you is different then yours
* It’s the same in some ways, but different all the same
* The curve of your nose is slightly off, your lips are thinner, eyes a little closer together.
* The memories begin to flood in, in this world you were on a graduation trip with your parents, you got an all inclusive package. Three days of sightseeing in Volterra.
* You got sick on the last day, when you were signed for a tour of the castle, your parents went without you
* That was the last you saw of them
* You dumbly followed, asking question where you shouldn’t. And ended up at the volturi’s door
* Aro had grasped your hand to see how much you knew, only too see nothing. Likewise Jane’s powers did not work as well
* They were astounded by this, it appears this was several years before Bella was introduced to the story
* And so, you became a prisoner of the tower
* Your soul must have been in this body for quite some time, but you’ve only remembered now, that’s the only explanation for why their powers didn’t work on you. Your consciousness is not of this world.
* There’s a short knock on your door
* “Are you decent?”
* You call back and Alec pops his head in.
* “Ready to go to the library?”
* He looks so kind. The boyish grin that stretched across his face as you shook your head.
* It was in direct contrast to the sadistic personality you had become accustomed to in the books
* “I need a few more minutes”
* You half expect him to lash out at you for being slow. By he only nods, closing the door and waiting outside for you to finish.
* He was you friend. You realized
* He IS your friend
* You think back as you turn on the faucet. He didn’t like you at first, being assigned to guard a human was insulting
* But he started to warm up to you once he heard you play the piano
* This body was quite used to the ivory keys. And so you charmed him as best you could, half for your survival, because the happier you kept him the less likely he was to kill you.
* And half because- you were so lonely, the Loneliness echoed in this body like an ache. Suddenly an orphan, in a continent where you knew no one. All you had was this boy.
* How long have you been here? You kept a talley at one point, but abandoned it after the thirtieth day. What was the point? You would either die or become one of them
* A shiver erupts through at the thought, in your past life you were a vegetarian, you didn’t relish in the idea of killing something alive and moving.
* You pull on a sweatshirt, ripping of the chanel tag. They bought you the nicest things money could buy, the most lavish food you could have.
* They did the same thing with the tourists they lured, keeping them happy and well fed, the same way the cows that became wagyu beef might be cared for. That way when it came time to slaughter, the meal was that much more delicious.
* You suspected this was similar, that should you be an unnecessary addition, you would make a meal suitable for their palette
* Alec basically talks your ear off the entire way to the Volturi library, mostly about literature
* “What are your thoughts on Anna Kerenina?”
* “That the patriarchy needs to be burned to the ground.”
* “That is.... valid”
* He even talks when you’re at the library, much to the annoyance of a few of the other patrons
* “Which book are you looking for now?”
* You stop mid motion on the ladder and turn to look at him. His ruby eyes glowing, he looks bloated. Like he’s fed too much.
* “Alec, why are we friends?”
* You really should keep your mouth shut. Alec was the only real ally you had, you shouldn’t say anything that might put him off
* And yet, it unnerved you, because the Alec in front of you was a very different character then the one you had come to see.
* He looks at you like you hung the moon,
* “Because you’re the most interesting human in the world”
* You burst out laughing, earning several glares.
* “I-I’m sorry Alec, but I’m not, I’m just the most interesting human you KNOW, there’s way more people who are more interesting than me.”
* You expect to see him offended, and he does, but there’s a twinkle in his eyes
* “I’m not so sure about that”
* The days creep by, reading books, eating snacks, it’s nice
* You learn, that Alec hasn’t talked to a human in a very long time. Outside of the screams he heard after devouring one.
* He hasn’t been outside the castle walls in many years, possibly a century.
* “What’s the best part of the human world?” He asked you once
* It’s the 90’s, so smartphones haven’t been invented yet.
* “One tree hill and friends”
* “Well you have a friend right here”
* “No friends the show”
* “The what?”
* And that’s how you got Alec hooked onto cable television
* Who knew the cure to vampire- sadism was a healthy dose of Jennifer Aniston fumbling about on screen
* “Is this what life is like?”
* You shrug, it was what college had been like for you in your past life.
* “It’s kinda what schools like, but i never got to be on my own”
* This body was only 18 after all.
* Alec doesn’t say anything, but his expression falters
* Alec’s only now starting to understand the life you will be denied once Aro decides when to turn you
* Jane joins later
* One day when you and Alec are lazing around the library when she appears, she says nothing, just sits down next to Alec and reads a book
* You’re sure they hear the uneven thumping of your heart as you turn back to your book. Her power doesn’t work on you, you remind yourself
* Not that she even needs it, she could snap you apart like a Kit Kat bar
* And if it came down to it, you’re sure Alec would let her, he might like you but his loyalty’s always remained with his sister
* “So... you watch human television together?” Her bright red eyes flickered from Alec to you.
* You nodded, never sure what exactly it was that would set Jane off
* You had seen enough in the books to know her moods were compatible at best.
* “I would...like to join” she awkwardly looking away, and you were sure if she could, she would be blushing.
* Honestly it’s kind of cute.
* “Sure, the more the merrier”
* And that’s how you basically adopted the sadist twins
* It’s a little harder to get Jane to open up, but once you make a comment about how Phoebe was the best character in friends, she starts to open up
* “Humans are cruel, even when they’re kind it’s only because they want something from you.”
* “Is that what you think about me? That I’m only nice to you because I want something?” she meets your eyes for a few minutes before turning away
* “I’m not sure”
* You understand very gradually why they’re so twisted
* They’d been treated terribly during their human life, in every kind act lingered a dark shadow, in even minor misunderstanding the image of a monster
* Their centuries in the Volturi didn’t help. Under Aro’s ruthless tutelage, and Caius’s sadistic tendencies, They had no one they could trust but each other.
* They were only surviving just as you were
* “Sometimes I wonder how much of my loyalty is real, and how much of it is Chelsea.” She whispers one day, so quietly you barley hear it
* You rest your hand on hers, it’s the only comfort you could think to offer
* When Jane grasps your hand in hers, she breaks every bone in your hand
* She doesn’t understand the pained screams or your mangled hand fit a second, and then she realizes what she did
* Alarmed she carries you halfway around the castle screeching for someone to help
* You pass out from the pain, when you come to you’re in your bed, a very cold hand holding your own
* “How are you feeling?” You don’t recognize this vampire, but you don’t really know anyone outside of Alec and Jane.
* You feel light headed, a warm feeling washing over you, you must be on some strong drugs
* “My body’s still grieving, but my mind is sharp.”
* It’s incoherent at best, but there’s truth to it, your body is still grieving for your parents and the life you’ve lost, but your otherworldly mind is ten steps ahead, cross referencing every action.
* The man offers a short chuckle
* “You really did a number on your hand. I’ve done what I can but...”
* You look down to your hand, half surprised by the bright yellow cast encasing it
* You had figured you would wake up to be a vampire, it just made sense, these were unfamiliar human aches to them after all and vampirism was a simple and effective cure
* They must want something from you, if they’re keeping you human
* You suspect it’s something along the lines of how they waited until Jane and Alec were burning at the stake to save them, so their power would be that much more potent
* Maybe they’re doing the opposite with you, trying to make you as happy as possible to see what effect it has on your ability
* It’s too bad you don’t have one
* “Thank you for your hard work.” You mumble, being human for a little bit longer is well worth the pain.
* “How did you break your hand?”
* “I held Janes’ hand”
* Your doctor let’s out a short laugh
* “That sounds about right”
* You smile, it does sound right, of course you would break your hand that way
* The conversation flows naturally after that, you talk about all sorts of things
* “You think vampires have souls?” He quirks an eyebrow
* “I’m of the opinion that a soul is something you create through hardship and struggle, being able to live longer means that you have more opportunities to have the experiences that result in a soul”
* “That’s an intriguing notion, I wish I had brought my son with me.”
* You’re about to ask about his son, when you’re interrupted by the door swimming open
* “I heard you were awake, are you alright?” Alec rushes in, his eyes frantic
* “Yeah these drugs are top notch” you press the button that releases the pain killers and let out a giggle
* “Is that alright? Humans are awfully sensitive.” Jane pipes up from behind Alec, you hadn’t noticed her in your haze.
* Your doctor chuckles
* “I’m aware,” he’s smiling but it’s strained
* “What’s wrong?” You ask, he was so calm until a second ago, he doesn’t answer you
* “I’ll give you three a moment.”
* You only register he’s gone when you hear the door close
* The twins rush over to you, Jane is kneeled by your side, while Alec hovers over you
* “I-I’m sorry I hurt you, I forgot-I didn’t remember.” You we’re sure Jane would be crying if she could
* “It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean it.” You raise your cast encased hand and give her a gentle pat on the head. “From now on, physical signs of affection will just be one sided.” You joke, which makes Jane grin
* “I’ll practice with some animals before I try touching you again”
* The three of you chat for a bit, they’re both surprised by your cast and ask several questions about its “primary function”
* “I didn’t know there was a doctor here” you murmur, feeling drowsy
* “Carlisle’s not with the Volturi, he’s from another coven in the new world.”
* Your drowsiness flies away in a second
* “That was Carlisle?”
* Jane looks somewhat confused but nods.
* A flutter of hope erupts in your chest, it’s so strong even your grief stricken body feels it
* You might have a chance. It’s slim, Carlisle has a family he loves and needs to protect. But still, they were strangers once too. No different than you.
* It’s a way out of here
* The next few days follow in a drugged haze, Alec and Jane visit every so often, and Carlisle engages you in occasional conversation while checking progress on your hand
* “Why are your eyes gold?” You know, but well, you need him to believe the lie
* “It’s a bit of a long story” he says with a wary smile.
* “I’m not going anywhere”
* He sighs, a genuine smile encompassing his face as he recounts the tale.
* Even though you’ve already heard it all before, it still makes you cry
* Even in the haze, you know something’s.... off
* There’s something about the way Alec won’t meet your eyes when he talks to you, and the uneasy weight that lingers in the air whenever someone else is in the room
* On the third day, it’s Aro who visits you, Alec and Carlisle in tow behind him.
* “Oh my, all that internal bleeding, how awful”
* Even you can feel the insincerity, but it’s the first you heard about internal bleeding
* So that explains it, the drugs and the aches all along your body, it wasn’t just your hand, you were dying
* “Don’t worry, we’ll save you” Aro’s smile is cruel “won’t we Alec?”
* Alec looks afraid, almost pained, but he nods
* Ah, so this was punishment for Alec too. Until that moment, when Jane broke your hand, Aro must have been ignorant to how close the three of you had gotten.
* You close your eyes, you knew this would happen eventually. There were only two ending to this story, and it seemed one had finally been picked
* You feel a pinch on your neck, right above your collar bone, no worse than a flue shot.
* You wait for the pain, the vivid screams you remember from the books and movies, but it never comes.
* Instead it’s just a warm numbness that spreads across your neck and left shoulder.
* “It doesn’t hurt” you murmur, you feel a cold hand rest against your forehead, Alex’s hand.
* It’s so gentle, he must have practiced on some animals first, you think.
* “No the pain comes later.”
* And so you drift into inky black unconsciousness, the last sleep of your human life in this world.
* You dream that you’re sitting at the bottom of a tree, a fig tree, like the one Sylvia Plath wrote about
* Each fig a different path, half of them have already fallen off, dark, as they rot at your feet
* “How do you do it?”
* You look to your side and find the person who’s face you see in the mirror, they’re hugging their knees to their chest, dark circles under their eyes
* “How do I do what?” You ask, they bite their lip
* “How can you be so strong when you’ve just lost everything?”
* You see their eyes brim with tears, and you look away, to the tree that looks over you both
* “I don’t know” It’s the truth, you have an unfair advantage in this world, because you know all the secrets each person carries, while yours remain shrouded in darkness. And yet... it’s not why you persevere
* “All I do know, is that I want to give them hell”
* Your counterpart grins at that, and to your surprise, you feel a smile stretch out across your face
* Yeah, it’s not about power, you just want raise some hell in this backwards misogynistic world.
* “I guess that’s the one you’re picking then huh?” Your counterpart points to a fig, it’s on the tallest branch of the tree, so far out of reach it almost seems unobtainable
* But you only nod
* “Yeah, I think that’s the way I’m going to go”
* They look at you and smile.
* “If you ever get the chance, I hope you punch that jerk Aro right in the face”
* You laugh.
* When you finally awake, you’re still laughing. A smile etched onto your face.
* Everyone’s there, all looking at you with concerned glances.
* Yeah, you’re going to have a lot of fun in this world.
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five-rivers · 3 years
Note
Random idea popped into my head. I decided to drop it here as a prompt. Make of it what you will.
Jack and Maddie aren't human...
I’ve been percolating an AU where Jack’s been a ghost the whole time because Vlad killed him and he didn’t know for about a week now; how did you know?
But I’m not quite done percolating that, so you get this instead.  Sorry, it’s kind of a mess. 
.
Danny didn’t know when he realized it.  Maybe he always knew, since he was very small.  Maybe it came to him all of a sudden, later, and it just made so much sense that he couldn’t truly conceive of not knowing.  Maybe he was lying to himself.  
His parents weren’t normal.  
To be fair, neither were he and Jazz, even from a young age, but...  His parents weren’t normal at all.  
When was the last time he saw them eat something other than fudge and cookies?
Jazz took care of the cooking, most days.  Their parents stayed in the lab.  Working, always working.  Money came in from patents, came in suitcases carried by men in crisp black suits.  Danny knew what a Geiger counter was before he was five.   
He knew to be careful.  So did Jazz, but she liked to ignore it, to play it off as nothing.  Someday, he knew, if things kept going the way they were, Jazz would convince herself that all the little things were fantasy.  Imagination.  
She’d move away and burn so brightly with light and passion that she’d blind herself to the shadows she once lived in.  She’d go to an Ivy League school and become a psychologist, or a neurologist, or a psychiatrist, or a brain surgeon.  She would be great.  She would shift paradigms.  
She would never forget him.  Danny wasn’t afraid of that.  But unless he shone just as brightly, unless he burned the memories from his mind just the same, she would never see him anymore.  
He wanted to become an astronaut.  
Dad laughed when he heard that.  He sewed Danny a custom suit- not like Jazz’s, which was just a smaller version of Mom’s- the next day.  White, like an astronaut, he’d said.  
Black for good luck.  And something else that skittered in the back of Danny’s brain.
Danny loved them, their parents.  But they weren’t normal.  
He looked up silver allergies online, once.  They weren’t like that.  And normal people didn’t shy away from the sun on their skin.  
Normal people didn’t talk about wars that weren’t in any history book, or about the best way to butcher a horse.  They didn’t have dozens of blue glass eyes in the bottom drawer of every cabinet they owned.  Their holiday dinners didn’t come to life and menace the neighborhood.  
Once, when he was ten, he thought they might be vampires.  But looking up the folklore and going deep, deep, touching the past, he saw that all the monsters that went bump in the night- and no few benevolent things too- borrowed traits, powers, and weaknesses from one another.  
Once, on the first day of spring, a ring of mushrooms rose up to circle Fentonworks completely.  Mom harvested them and fried them in butter.  Jazz refused to eat them, saying they might be poisonous.  Dad ate a plate of fudge.  Mom smiled as Danny ate every last one.  It was the most normal meal Danny had for years before or after.  
The portal was a project of passion.  Of something like desperation.  Of hope.  
For all that they professed to hate ghosts, sometimes Danny wondered if they weren’t trying to get back home.
Mom and Dad weren’t normal.  What did that make Danny and Jazz?
(Once upon a time he cut his hands open to see if he bled red and he doesn’t remember what he found out but after Dash he’s sure he bleeds red now.)
Danny wanted to see it.  He wanted to let them see it, bring back their life and spirit.  Let them know that it didn’t matter that Dad was a mountain of a man that looked even taller and broader out of the corner of his eye, or that he hadn’t seen Mom’s eyes in a year and didn’t remember their color, or that whatever they used for bath salts made Danny dizzy.  He wanted to show them that he loved them and he wanted to help.  
The portal beckoned.  He put on his astronaut-white and death-black jumpsuit and walked in.  This felt right, down to the electric tension in the air and the faint chill of the wall through his glove.  
It wasn’t normal, to put the on button for something like this on the inside.
(Danny’s parents weren’t normal.)
Danny wasn’t normal.  
No one normal fought the undead in back alleys, or laid awake at night trying to hold onto life hard enough to keep from falling through their bed.  No one normal could taste emotions on the air and drink them in.  No one normal could walk through a blizzard with bare feet and think how lovely the day was, or feel electricity brewing in their bones as the lightning storm raged.  
But that was later.  
He woke in his parents’ arms, to gentle crooning.  He woke to the flavor of joy that wasn’t his and colors too vivid to be real.  He woke.  
Had Mom’s eyes always been purple?  He couldn’t remember.  But the shape was familiar, and they crinkled happily at the corners.  He couldn’t help but smile back.  
Danny wasn’t normal.  Neither were his parents.  They weren’t the same kind of not-normal, and that made Danny’s teeth hurt, sometimes, especially after his fangs grew in, but-
But.  
Who could divide a fairy, from a ghost, from a revenant, from a lich?  Who marked out the boundaries between dwarves, goblins, trolls, giants?  How did an elf differ from any of these things, when elf might be tall or short, spiritual or just shy of human?  The roots of the stories were tangled, no matter how neatly the gardeners trimmed the plants.  
Danny’s story was that of a hero of a monster.  But the first hero was Gilgamesh, and no one would call him that, now.  
And for his parents-
For his sister-
For his family-
A normal story simply didn’t suit them at all.
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ncssian · 3 years
Text
A Favor: Part Seventeen
Nessian Modern AU
Masterlist
a/n: 70% of this fic is written on my phone lying on my side in bed while using swipe typing bc im too lazy to type out words and it shows
TW: discussion of SA
***
Nesta has an easier time adjusting to a third person in the cabin than she thought she would. Maybe it’s because Azriel indeed minds his business, and half the time Nesta isn’t aware he’s there at all.
Cassian seems to be more irritated by it than anyone else—not his brother, of course, but the fact that he and Nesta no longer exist in their own little bubble. Which is how he ends up at Nesta’s apartment with an overnight bag, sprawled out stomach-down on her mattress while she gets ready for bed.
“TV show or movie?” he asks, clicking through her laptop. Shows are Nesta’s thing and movies are Cassian’s; she feels generous enough tonight to say, “Movie.”
“Thank god,” he mutters, typing something on the laptop. “There’s a Turkish horror flick that I was saving for you.”
“Where do you even find these films?” Grabbing her hairbrush, she flops onto the bed beside him and starts brushing out her brassy locks. Before he can answer, Nesta’s phone buzzes from the stool she uses as a bedside table. Feyre’s name flashes on the screen.
Nesta frowns, but picks up without a second thought. “What is it?”
“Nothing serious,” her sister replies. “Just checking in.”
Before Cassian, Nesta didn’t very much understand the purpose of “checking in” without reason. Now she empathizes with Feyre a little. “I’m fine,” she says.
Deciding she can do better than that, she adds, “Cassian and I are about to start a movie.”
“Is it his choice? I’m so sorry for you.”
Nesta peeks over to where Cassian is still intently searching for his obscure movie and smiles a little. “I like Turkish horror,” she replies.
Cassian overhears and grins approvingly.
“Well, I’m looking at wedding dresses with Rhys so he can prepare for when he inevitably proposes,” Feyre says. “In case you wanted to know.”
Nesta did not particularly want to know, but she doesn’t say this. “Sounds fun. Is that it?”
“For what?”
“This conversation.”
Feyre sighs over the line. “Yes, I’ll let you go now. Thanks for picking up.”
The bar is in hell, Nesta thinks. Mostly because she put it there, but she still feels embarrassed to be congratulated over such small things. “Thanks for keeping it short.”
She’s about to hang up when she hears a male voice speak up in the background, and Feyre interrupts, “Wait—before you go, can you tell Cassian to call Rhys back? He wants Cass’s help picking a new team leader for the Italy project.”
Nesta has no idea what that is, but she says, “Sure, fine.” They say their goodbyes and hang up.
“What’d she want?” Cassian says without looking over at her.
“She said Rhys wants you to call him about the Italy project.”
Cassian turns toward her, half sitting up. “Really? What for?”
“Something about picking a team leader.” She returns to brushing her hair. “Why? What’s the Italy project?”
“Something I thought we put aside for good,” he grumbles. “It’s a year-long overseas project in Milan. Rhys thinks it’s gonna bring in a shit ton of money.”
“Sounds big. What do you have to do with it, though?” She’s never heard of Cassian being involved in Night Court’s international operations, even though he takes on more work than the usual employee.
Cassian shrugs, going back to movie searching. “He wanted me to be the one leading the team, and I guess he still feels petty about me turning him down. Honestly, choosing team leaders outside of my department isn’t even part of my jurisdiction.”
Nesta hesitates. “He offered you the job? When?” She didn’t know this.
“On New Year’s.”
“And you turned it down?”
“Yeah.” Cassian clicks on a link that looks like it’ll plant fifteen different viruses in Nesta’s laptop. “Found the movie,” he says.
“Why would you do that?” Nesta demands.
“The movie?”
“The job offer! Why would you turn down such a big opportunity without even telling me?”
Cassian laughs in confusion. “Are you angry right now?”
She’s astonished at his nonchalance. “Cassian,” she says. “It’s Italy.”
Italy with the art and history and seaside beauty—it’s on their top five places to see before they die.
“It’s Milan,” he says like there’s a difference, “and it’s an entire year away from you.” He shakes his head, sitting up to face her. “Are you out of your mind?”
She goes still. “Don’t tell me you said no because of me.”
“Of course I said no because of you.”
“It’s your dream job!” she bursts. “Traveling, exploring, being on your own—”
“Those are our dreams. I made those plans with you. The hell am I supposed to do all the way in Italy without you?”
“You sound codependent,” she retorts.
He narrows his brows. “Like you wouldn’t do the same thing in my position?”
He’s right, of course. Nesta would do the exact same thing for him. But Nesta and Cassian are not the same, and they both know it. “You can’t make that comparison,” she sighs.
“Why not?” he demands.
“Because—” She struggles to put it into words. “I would give up a long distance job for you because it would be worth it. You’re worth it. It doesn’t work the other way around.”
“Again: why the fuck not?”
So he’s really going to make her spell it out. “Because you’re a good boyfriend. You’re affectionate and caring, you always go the extra mile for those you love, and you come with all these free perks. It’s a great deal. And I’m not anything terrible, but I’m the bare minimum compared to you. Why would you give up Italy for the bare minimum?”
Cassian looks at her in disbelief. “I don’t even know how you can say so many wrong things in a row.”
“He’s blinded by love,” Nesta mutters to herself.
“First of all,” he holds up a finger, “I don’t know where you learned to compare yourself to me, but I don’t like it. You make it sound like I need to be paid back for every half-decent thing I do, and that is not the case at all.”
“Of course you think that,” she says. “You wouldn’t be a good person if you didn’t.”
“Then let me be a blunt person.” He puts a hand on her knee and looks her in the eye. “You will never be like me. Very few people are; you can’t take it personally.”
“Oh my god.” Her eyes might roll out of her head.
“But you’re not the bare minimum. Not even close.” He states it like an undeniable fact.
“How so?” she challenges.
“Like how Elain told me about this boy who broke her heart in her high school, and how the next day he walked into class in a leg cast. And how she just knew you had something to do with it, and you two had a huge fight about it that lasted a week.”
Nesta does not enjoy that memory being brought up. Elain called her a psychopath for the incident, and to save her feelings, Nesta (rather unconvincingly) said it had been an accident.
“I didn’t push anybody into a creek,” she maintains the lie. “Sometimes people just fall down there.”
“To be fair, you’re a lot more stable now than you were then. Now when people hurt those you care about, you find sneakier ways to hurt them back. Don’t you?”
“I do not,” Nesta defends.
“Really? Because Eris texted me earlier saying you’ve been ignoring him since New Year’s, and he’s starting to get worried that you have something heinous planned for him. I asked him why he would ever think such a thing of you.” Cassian leans forward and rests his chin on her shoulder. “Why would he think such a thing of you, Nesta?”
Cassian looks pretty well off from here, doesn’t he? She remembers Eris’s smug face. Did you know Rhysand’s parents found him sleeping in the streets?
“Because he said a bad thing,” Nesta says, looking down at her fingernails. “And I have an unfortunate reputation at school for getting back at people who say bad things.” Like the time Brian O’Connell made jokes about a rape trial the class was studying, and then couldn’t find an internship at a single firm the following summer.
“And what did he say? Because I can’t imagine he would directly insult you. He actually likes you, ass that he is.” His face is warm so close to her neck.
She looks away. “I won’t repeat it.”
That seems to be all Cassian needs to get an idea of what Eris said. “And how long are you planning on holding it against him?”
“Forever.”
“That’s what I thought.”
Nesta meets the eyes that haven’t left her face this entire time and snorts. “What’s your point?” Seriously, she’s starting to redden at how close he is.
He buries his face in her neck, his stubble rasping against the sensitive skin there. “The point is that you also do a lot for the people you love. Just in a different way.” He pulls away to look her in the eye. “Don’t do anything to Eris, though,” he says. “Not that I care for him or his shit opinions, but whatever you have planned isn’t worth it.”
Nesta wants to scoff in disbelief at the sincerity on Cassian’s face. He’s always choosing kindness, even at the worst moments. “So that’s your argument?” she says. “You won’t go to Italy because your girlfriend has a bad temper and a taste for revenge?”
“That’s my final argument, Your Honor.” He takes her hand. “Forget Milan, will you? One day I’ll take you to Portofino.”
The longer Nesta knows Cassian, the more she finds it useless to hide from him. Which is why she lets him watch the thoughts flit across her face as she considers his words, deciding whether she believes him. Deciding whether he’s right to give her so much devotion.
“Fine,” she finally says. “You’re right.”
A slow smile spreads across his face as he realizes he won. Wrapping his arms around Nesta’s waist and legs, he hauls her into his lap and shifts around until they’re both comfortable. The movie is forgotten for now.
“Out of curiosity…” He noses at the nape of her neck. “What did Eris say about me to make you so angry?”
When Nesta doesn’t answer, he says, “I’ve already heard everything that could possibly be said. The shit that used to get me when I was eighteen doesn’t have the same hold on me a decade later.”
She lets herself relax into his hold. “It was about the time you spent as an orphan.” Technically, he’s still an orphan, but it was different back then. “I didn’t like the tone of his voice.”
Cassian’s answering hum is a low rumble against her shirt. “Did you know my biological father was from Italy?”
Nesta perks up at that. “No.” She assumed he was entirely Algerian, even though he and Azriel probably look ethnically ambiguous to most. “Isn’t that all the more reason to see Italy someday?”
“Not at all,” he says. “If I could pretend that half of me didn’t exist, I would.”
She can’t think of a response that doesn’t involve a question, so she doesn’t reply. She waits for Cassian to speak on his own terms.
“I went to Italy once,” he admits. “For less than a day while my brothers were partying in Monte Carlo. I was young and stupid, and thought I would never be complete if I didn’t know who my father was.”
“Who was he?” She doesn’t know why she’s whispering.
“No one worth remembering,” Cassian says, his arms unconsciously tightening around her. “I put some dots together and realized how he and my mother must have met, how he must’ve—forced himself on her, and I decided that I didn’t care about bloodlines at all. I never returned to Italy after that.”
Nesta’s hands want to reach out and touch him, soothe him. But her muscles are suddenly very cold, and she can only stiffen. “And what about now? Do you… not want to go back?”
“It’s just a place to me,” he says. “Nothing special, nothing terrible. But I like the way it sounds when you talk about it.” His eyes sparkle. “I’d like to pretend it’s my first time going with you.”
“Alright, then.” She nods. “One day, we’ll go together. It’ll be our first time.”
***
Cassian refuses to let Nesta leave bed the next morning, dragging his heavy mouth across her body whenever she tries to get up. She’s about to surrender to him altogether when her phone starts vibrating loudly, insistently.
Breaking away from Cassian’s attempt at cuddling, she answers without checking the caller ID. “Yes?” she croaks sleepily.
“Where the hell have you been?” Emerie demands.
Nesta shoves Cassian away despite his protests, untangling her legs from the sheets. “At home,” she says, getting out of bed and heading for the bathroom. “Am I supposed to be somewhere else?”
“We haven’t seen you in two weeks,” Emerie says. “Gwyn thought your boyfriend’s weird family killed you.”
“That’s not what happened,” Nesta assures, pulling her shorts down and sitting on the toilet. “I just needed some alone time.” People are all around her these days, it seems. Her body still can’t quite adjust to it.
“Well, have you had enough—are you peeing?”
“Yeah.” She wipes and flushes the toilet.
“Well, clear your day and kick your sorry boyfriend out of your place. I can’t remember the last time I went out.”
“Why does everybody always want to go out?” Nesta says as she washes her hands. “What’s wrong with staying in, being safe, never leaving the house?” She dries her hands on a towel and returns to the bedroom, where Cassian is now sitting up and checking his emails.
“You’re preaching to the choir, but this actually wasn’t my idea,” Emerie says.
Nesta and Cassian alert at the sound of a knock from the front door. Nesta never has uninvited guests.
“Hold on a second, Em,” she says, jogging up the short set of steps to the door. She opens it to the sight of an exasperated-looking Gwyn.
“Jeez, next time send a text that you’re alive, will you?” Gwyn says, shoving past Nesta to enter the apartment. “Do you know how worried I’ve been—” She halts midsentence, one foot hovering above a step as she realizes that Nesta isn’t alone. As she sees Cassian in her bed, bare-chested and highly amused.
“Hey.” He raises a hand in greeting.
Gwyn pales.
“Hello?” Emerie calls over the line.
“You girls both share the same brain,” Nesta sighs. “Let me call you back, Emerie.”
Gwyn whirls around just as Nesta hangs up. “That won’t be necessary,” she says quickly, looking embarrassed. “I’ll be outside. I’m sorry.”
She hurries out of the apartment even faster than she came in, ducking her head to hide her face.
Nesta tosses her arms up in the air. “Great,” she says to Cassian. “Your abs scared her away.”
“But I didn’t do anything—”
She shuts the door behind her as she follows Gwyn outside, barefoot and all. She barely notices the freezing cold air or the awful press of damp grass beneath her feet as she catches up to Gwyn and grabs her elbow. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
Gwyn jerks suddenly, yanking out of Nesta’s hold. Her breathing seems a little shallow, and she looks even more embarrassed for it. “It’s nothing. I just didn’t know you had someone over.”
“Cassian? He’s cool, you don’t need to be weird about him,” she tries to reassure Gwyn. “Though I did use to tell him that not everybody wants to see him shirtless all the time.”
“It’s not that,” Gwyn says, waving her off.
Nesta gestures to the apartment. “Do you want to come back inside, then? I’m sure he has clothes on by now.”
Gwyn clears her throat uncomfortably and looks down. “I’d rather not. I’m—I don’t like being around men.”
Nesta pauses, not sure if she heard right. “Like, in a ‘check the backseat of your car before getting in’ way, or…?”
“No, like I can’t be alone in a room with a man without feeling sick. It activates my fight or flight, it’s weird.” She’s carefully stiff, like she’s ready to be met with humiliation.
Nesta remembers that Gwyn has never told her about her therapy sessions before, but she knows they’re more intensive than her own weekly conversations with Lana.
“Not that I think your boyfriend is a bad person,” Gwyn adds when Nesta doesn’t respond. “He looks really nice. He sounds nice, too.”
But Nesta doesn’t care about any of that. Unsure of what to do next, she reaches out and awkwardly pats Gwyn on the arm. “Good thing you’ve never been to the cabin, then. Cassian’s brother is staying…” She trails off when she realizes none of this is relevant. “Why are you here so early?” she asks instead.
Gwyn eases up a little at the change in subject. “I missed you. We’ve barely talked since Christmas.”
Nesta didn’t realize people would take such notice to her absence. “Yeah.” She flushes. “I do that sometimes. I’ll send a message next time I go into hibernation, though.”
“You’re freezing,” Gwyn suddenly scolds, noticing how Nesta’s goosebumped arms are wrapped tightly around herself. She unzips her red hoodie and shrugs it off. “Go back inside and get dressed.” She flings the hoodie around Nesta’s shoulders before Nesta can protest. “Meet me at my car. We’re hanging out.”
Nesta knows that a last minute change of events is not the end of the world, even if it sometimes feels like it. For Gwyn and Emerie, she can bear the discomfort of unexpected plans, same as she does for Cassian. But she at least has to know: “How long will we be out?”
“You can come home after lunch.” At Nesta’s face, Gwyn adds, “Lunch will be at two and shouldn’t take more than an hour.”
Looking her friend up and down, someone who has such an easy time understanding her, Nesta nods in satisfaction. She turns around to go back inside.
***
They end up at the library where Gwyn works, in the stacks of the long-abandoned encyclopedia section.
Emerie takes a loud sip from the huge McDonald’s soda she snuck in. “So all this show was because Gwyn didn’t want to work her shift alone?”
“I just have some last minute cleanup to do,” she hisses for the third time, shoving an old book back where it belongs. “Go to the porn section if you’re so bored here.”
“Oh, I definitely will,” Emerie says. “But I’m glad that we’re congregating now, even if it’s in the most depressing part of the library. I have a present for you girls.” She hands Nesta her drink so she can dig around in her purse.
Nesta personally has no complaints. The library is quiet, it smells of paper and old ink, and it holds all her favorite books. It’s almost better than staying in.
Emerie successfully pulls out a handful of folded and wrinkled papers from her bag, smoothing them out as best she can. “One for each of us,” she says, passing the papers around.
Nesta takes her paper and stares at the header. Gwyn is the first to speak. “Pole dancing classes?”
“Why?” Nesta says.
“Well, I originally offered them to Justinian and Isaac but they said no—”
“It’s really not for me,” Gwyn interrupts, trying to pass the registration form back to Emerie. “Sorry.”
Nesta doesn’t give her form back.
“Look,” Emerie says. “I get the hesitation. We’re a handful of boring bitches who hate having fun. But don’t you think that has to change at some point?”
“I’ve known you guys a month,” Gwyn retorts. “We’ve only been boring bitches for a month. This is too much.” She turns to Nesta for help.
Nesta is still staring at the paper. Dancing—on a pole, yes, but it’s still dancing. “I’ll do it,” she says.
Gwyn looks betrayed and Emerie looks elated. “Really?” She hops up and down. “That’s two against one, Gwyn. You have to do it, too.”
Gwyn’s cheeks are turning red in frustration. “You can’t just force this on me—”
“Gwyneth,” a sharp voice interrupts their conversation. Nesta spins around to find a young woman with dark skin and bleached white curls heading in their direction, a stack of books in her arms.
She halts before Nesta and glares. “No food or drink in the library.” She looks pointedly at the 32-ounce in her hand.
“It’s not mine.” Nesta shoves the drink back to Emerie.
But the librarian has turned to Gwyn, who hides the dance class form behind her back. “And what are you doing here?” she demands.
“Just putting up a few books, Merrill,” Gwyn answers quickly.
“While socializing?” the woman named Merrill sneers.
“We were just asking for help finding the romance section. Is that a problem?” Emerie crosses her arms and steps forward, letting a little of her beautiful deadliness slip into her stance. It’s the deadliness of someone at the top of her law class, someone who will graduate in a few months with all the power she could want in the palm of her hand. Nesta gets a rush from playing the lawyer game, too, but she’s never had the kind of ambition that Emerie has. Emerie is a shark sitting around in a small pond.
Merrill is not impressed. She snatches the styrofoam cup dangling from Emerie’s hand and tosses it in the nearby trash can. She turns back to Gwyn. “Hand your badge over and clock out.”
“But I’m not done yet—”
“Now.”
“Okay,” she squeaks. She pulls her ID badge off her neck and hands it to Merrill.
Nesta gapes in disbelief. Before she can speak up, Merrill says, “No loitering in the library. If you don’t have anything you need to check out, leave.” With one final judgmental look, she turns down an aisle of dusty books and disappears.
Gwyn makes a face at her back.
“That woman is not old enough to be acting that misanthropic,” Emerie says after Merrill is gone.
“Whatever,” Gwyn mutters. The registration form is still in her hand. She crumples it into a ball and throws it into the trash. “Let’s get out of here.”
Nesta stares at the trash as Gwyn turns to leave. “Coward,” she says.
Gwyn’s head snaps toward Nesta, her auburn hair swinging. “Excuse me?”
She shrugs. “You heard me.” Emerie’s eyes bounce back and forth between the girls.
“I did,” Gwyn says. “I was just making sure this wasn’t coming from the woman who would sooner bite someone’s head off than do something she doesn’t want to.”
“Girls,” Emerie snaps before Nesta can bite back. “It’s just a stupid dance class. I thought it would be fun to do together, but it doesn’t matter anymore.” Taking Gwyn by one arm and Nesta by the other, she starts steering them out of the stacks like a stern mother. “Now let’s go eat. I’m fucking hungry.”
Gwyn’s mood from the library doesn’t recover, even as they sit down for lunch at the local diner. Nesta thinks Gwyn might actually be sick when the male waiter winks at her while taking her order, and it’s not until long after he’s gone that color returns to her face. When their food arrives, Gwyn only picks at her plate.
“What’s wrong?” Nesta finally has to ask bluntly. “You look pukey.” Did the coward comment affect Gwyn more than she let on, or was it Merrill’s attitude that threw her off?
At Nesta’s words, Gwyn becomes even more pallid. “I just don’t feel great today,” she murmurs, looking around like she’s seeking a way out of the diner. “Sorry guys, I didn’t mean to be such a buzzkill. Maybe I should go home early.”
“Absolutely not,” Emerie says. “If you’re going home, we’re going home with you.”
Gwyn bites her lip, trying to decide if she wants that or not. But something about her antsy demeanor is too familiar to Nesta, because she says, “If you really want to be alone, do you mind driving me home first? Emerie’s car is a mess.”
“You just need to move around a few papers,” Emerie protests.
But Gwyn nods distractedly, already gathering her things. “Sure, no problem.” They pay the bill and go their separate ways.
During the ride home, the sky that’s been gray all day finally breaks open, unleashing a spattering of rain over the town. Nesta watches it sprinkle while Gwyn drives in silence.
“Why are you scared of Merrill?” she eventually asks. “She doesn’t look much older than you.”
Gwyn snorts, but there isn’t much heart to it. “Merrill is my superior, but I can handle her on most days.”
“Just not today?”
Gwyn eyes Nesta warily from the corner of her eye. “No, not today. Or this week.”
Nesta chooses not to push. The dull metal of the cars surrounding them glints under the rain, and they arrive at a red light.
After a minute, she takes a breath and blurts, “I’m not always like that around guys, you know.”
Nesta watches her closely, remembering how ghostly she seemed around Cassian, then the waiter. “Keep going.”
Gwyn stares straight at the traffic ahead, her fingers turning bone white on the steering wheel. “I’m just going through a hard period. Everything upsets me and I don’t know how to think straight. It’s like my brain accidentally traveled to the past and now it’s stuck there.” She sounds shaky, breathless, and it makes Nesta wonder what exactly her mind is experiencing.
Nesta knows what it’s like to be unable to move on. Her own brain has only recently started looking toward the future. “Where are you stuck, specifically?” she asks hesitantly. Maybe she can help Gwyn navigate her way out.
Gwyn’s chin quivers. “In a dark room.” Her lips form a tight line. “Being held down. I’m outnumbered.”
Nesta’s stomach turns. “How far back is it?”
“Two years,” Gwyn whispers. “Lately I can’t even look at anything without—remembering it. Thinking about it. Every time I feel like I’m moving past it, I end up being wrong.”
The light turns green, and Nesta puts a hand on Gwyn’s knee in an attempt to ground her. “Drive,” she commands softly.
Gwyn presses down on the accelerator, but Nesta can feel her leg trembling beneath her hand. She squeezes her knee hard. Even with the dark parts of her own past, Nesta has never felt what Gwyn is feeling right now. So she tries to stick to what she knows.
“It’s like you said,” she says carefully. “You’re going through a period where your brain isn’t being friendly to you. It’s horrible, but you can live with the knowledge that it’ll be over eventually.”
Gwyn shakes her head, holding back tears. “It doesn’t work like that. Once it goes away, it’ll just come back again. And it’ll be like that for the rest of my life.”
“You’re right.” Nesta doesn’t have a solution for that, and she hates it. “You’ll never forget. You can be at the peak of your life and still remember all of it. But,” she says slowly, “whether you reach a point where it barely fazes you, or if you keep crippling under the weight of it decades later, you’ll still be normal. You’ll be a perfectly normal human.”
Gwyn lets out a tearful laugh at that. “What does that even mean?”
Shit. “It means…” Nesta tries to explain herself better. “In case you’re worried that there’s something very wrong with you, I’m here telling you that there’s not. There will never be anything wrong with you.”
Gwyn eyes her skeptically as they turn onto a residential road. “Even if I never get past one nightmare I lived years ago? Even if that nightmare defines me until the day I die?”
“That won’t happen.” Nesta’s tone is simple, factual. “But yes, even then.”
“Really? You’re not gonna tell me to live for the better days or whatever?”
“Does that sound like something that would help you? Because I can say it if it does.”
Gwyn snorts. “No.” But her limbs are steady and her eyes are clear on the road. She clears her throat. “Thank you for listening. I think I might feel a little better now.”
“Was it because of what I said?” Nesta tries not to be too hopeful.
“I wouldn’t give you that much credit,” Gwyn says, crushing her hope. “But I’m glad I told you. It makes things…a lot easier for me.” She exhales deeply.
“You know my plate is mostly empty these days.” Nesta pats her knee. “That means I’ll always have room to help carry your shit.”
They pull up to Nesta’s apartment, and Gwyn parks at the curb. “Give me your dance class thing,” she says suddenly.
Frowning, Nesta pulls the wrinkled paper out of her purse and hands it to Gwyn.
Gwyn smooths it out on the steering wheel and grabs a pen from a cupholder, clicking it. “If you’re going to help carry my shit, I guess I have time for pole dancing now.”
“But that’s mine,” Nesta protests as Gwyn starts filling out the form.
“It can be both of ours,” she says, writing Nesta’s name under hers.
“Really?” Nesta grins with an excitement that she doesn’t easily feel. “You’re going to do it with us?”
“Why would I let you do it without me? So I can become the third wheel in our girl group?” She gives Nesta a look that says No way in hell.
Nesta rolls her eyes. “That would never happen to you.”
“Sure,” Gwyn drawls. She finishes the form and folds it in half before pocketing it. “I’ll give this to Emerie as a gift.” She leans over to peck Nesta on the cheek. “Now get home. Love you.”
Nesta turns red at the words and coughs. “Thanks for the ride,” she responds, getting out of the car.
“Say it back!” Gwyn calls after her. But Nesta shuts the door in her face and waves, pretending she can’t hear her. Gwyn mock-scowls at her through the window, but lets her off easy and drives away.
That’s enough feelings for today, Nesta decides. Even if her chest is swelling with emotion for her friend. It’s a sweet hurt that lingers long after she returns to her empty apartment.
***
a/n: i’m back in my no plot, just vibes era
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andvys · 3 years
Text
You will be my girl
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Warnings: alcohol consumption, a bit of a steamy scene towards the end
Pairing: Rockstar!Ellie Williams x Reader
You just got done with your shift at the small cafe you were working at. You went into the break room, taking off your apron, laying it on the table, you heard Dina walking in behind you.
Dina was your best friend and your coworker, you’ve known each other since elementary school and you were attached to each other ever since. You even lived together. She was basically your sister at this point, with how you close you are.
“So.... you coming tonight right.?” She asked, looking at you with hope in her eyes.
She was referring to a bar, where a concert was supposed to be tonight. You knew she only wanted to go because of Jesse, he was a regular at your café. Always coming in to get coffee for him and his band. He was nice you liked him and Dina was crushing hard on him. You constantly tried to encourage her to ask him out on a date, knowing that Jesse would agree right away but she was stubborn about it, wanting him to make the first move and he did, inviting her to come see him and his band play at the towns bar tonight and to hang out later with him, playing it cool she agreed to it only to completely flip out once he left the café. You were excited for her, happy about seeing her finally liking someone this way.
“Of course, Dina. Can’t let you go there by yourself. We don’t want you to do something you’ll regret later on.” You winked at her.
Teasing her was your favorite thing to do.
“Ugh you’re the worst (y/n).” She rolled her eyes at you. “Make sure to look hot tonight, maybe you’ll find yourself a hot lady friend.” Now she was the one teasing you. “I’m not the one going on a “date” tonight.” You replied.
“Whatever.” She said before walking back out to the counter.
Putting your jacket on, you grabbed your stuff and went over to the counter asking Dina to make you a coffee before leaving. You would surely need it, knowing you’d be at the bar till late in the night. You talked to Dina for a while longer before leaving to go home, not noticing that a stranger was admiring you from afar.
You got home, took a shower and started to get ready. You wanted to look good tonight, you rarely went out so you might as well put some effort into your outfit.
By the time you got to the bar it was pretty crowded already. Some loud rock music playing. Dina was holding your hand pulling you towards the bar to get some drinks.
She waved the bartender over. “Hi, can I please get two Long Island iced teas?” She yelled over the loud the music. The bartender nodding at her, starting to mix the drinks.
“You’re not planning on getting drunk tonight are you Dina?” You asked.
“Umm of course I’m planning on getting drunk, come on (y/n) it’s Friday night, loosen up a little we’re gonna have a good time!” She was so excited about this night, it was kinda cute.
“Alright, how am I gonna get your drunk ass home if I’m gonna be drunk myself?” You questioned.
“Who says we’re going home tonight?” She smirked at you.
You gasped, “Dina you dirty girl, planning on keeping Jesse some company tonight aren’t you?” Smirking at her.
“Yup and we are going to find you a hot girl to hook up with, trust me you need it when was the last time you had sex anyways?” She asked you.
This girl was really testing you tonight.
“Dina!! I’m perfectly fine alright? Plus if you go home with Jesse tonight, I’ll have the apartment to myself, not having to deal with your drunk ass seems pretty nice to me.”
“That’s exactly why you have to find yourself a girl tonight, apartment is free you can be as loud as you want to.” She winked at you.
“Oh my god, okay whatever.” You gave in knowing it was a lost cause discussing this with her, she would bug you as long as she had to till you’d agree with her.
Just when you got your drinks you saw Jesse coming up behind Dina, motioning for you to not tell her he’s behind her.
He put his hands in front of her eyes, “guess who?” He smiled standing close to her.
Dina started grinning, “ummm is it the weird guy from the café who keeps ordering the grossest drinks ever?” She started teasing him.
She was not wrong about it, Jesse did order the weirdest drinks ever.
“Hey they’re not gross”, Jesse protested.
Coming up from behind her he pulled her into a hug. He turned around also pulling you in for a quick hug, ruffling your hair.
“Hey (y/n), nice seeing you here. I hope you enjoy our music.” He smiled at you.
Smiling back at him, “Hi Jesse, I’m sure I will!”
Wanting to give them some privacy you decided to go sit at one of the free tables close to the stage. You watched the rest of the band setting up some stuff, preparing for the concert. You noticed a girl amongst the other people on the stage, strumming her guitar. She was hot, the way she had half of her hair in a bun, she was wearing a plaid shirt that had the sleeves cut off, showing off a tattoo on her arm. She was definitely your type. You couldn’t help but stare at her, looking her up and down you didn’t realize she catched you staring at her until you looked back at her face, noticing how her eyes were on you now. Your eyes widened, embarrassed about her catching you shamelessly checking her out. She smirked at you, challenging you to keep looking at her. You suddenly felt shy under her gaze not able to look at her anymore you tried distracting yourself with your phone, switching from one app to another. You didn’t even know why you had your phone in your hand, you couldn’t distract yourself not when you could still feel her eyes on you.
Was she actually still looking at you or was your mind playing tricks on you? Looking up to where she was, she was indeed still staring at you. Giving her a shy smile you didn’t notice Dina sitting down next to you. She watched you and the stranger sending literal heart eyes to each other, she started smirking remembering how you just told her minutes ago how you were perfectly fine on your own and now you and the stranger were practically undressing each other with your eyes.
“Hah, look at you eye fucking the singer, didn’t peg you for a groupie (y/n).” Dina laughed at you.
Shocked at Dina’s words you snapped out if it, “Dina!!”. You were embarrassed, not only did the hot girl catch you staring at her Dina did too, she was going to be so annoying about this now.
“I mean, she looks pretty into you too. Guess you won’t be going home alone after all.” She smiled, taking a sip of her drink. She noticed how shy you’ve gotten, deciding to spare you from her teasing right now she told you how they were going to start with the concert now, she took your hand pulling you away from the table and towards the stage, you suddenly got nervous. Noticing how close you’ve gotten to the stage, meaning you were closer to the girl too. Trying to avoid looking at the stage before they start playing you were making small talk with Dina over the loud chattering of all the people that gathered around the stage.
A few minutes later the band finally started playing. Jesse being the drummer, two other guys both with electric guitars, similar to the one the girl had, she was standing at the front fixing the mic before she started singing.
Her voice was just as beautiful as she was. The crowd going wild when the first song started playing. Dina grabbed your hands and started dancing to the music.
You haven’t felt this good in such a long time. The band was amazing and you had so much fun, forgetting everything for a moment. You asked yourself why you didn’t go to concerts more often.
The girl kept staring at you throughout the whole concert, occasionally looking away only to have her eyes back on you a moment later. Smirking and winking at you at certain parts of the lyrics she sang.
You were a mess under her gaze but something about her pulled you in, you were intrigued.
You noticed her flushed cheeks and her face covered in a thin layer of sweat from performing all night.
The concert was coming to an end, currently playing a much slower song, her voice getting a little raspy now. It was raw and beautiful and she looked even prettier now, her eyes currently closed she enjoyed the last song of the night.
When she was done, she said a quick thank you into the mic and the crowd started clapping and whistling for the last time that night. She looked at you one last time before disappearing behind the curtains.
Jesse waved Dina over, motioning her to follow him to the stage room. You started smirking at her.“Go get him tiger.” You laughed when you saw her starting to blush.
“You’re the worst (y/n).” She said. Playfully rolling her eyes at you.
You pushed her towards were Jesse was waiting for her, telling her you were going to get some drinks at the bar. She finally started walking towards him.
Watching how Jesse smiled at her and took her small hand in his much larger one was so cute, you were happy for your best friend. You had to admit Jesse and Dina would make a good pair.
You sat down, ordering yourself another drink. You looked around, noting how it was getting a little less crowded now, some 60s rock playing in the background.
The bartender putting down the drink in front of you, he gave you a small smile and went back to his other costumers.
You took a sip of your drink, feeling someone come up beside you, you realized it was the girl from the band, she ordered herself a whiskey. She turned to you finally seeing you up close, she looked you up and down and sat down on the bar stool next you you. She was bold, you liked that.
You turned to look at her and gave her small smile “hi” you shyly said.
“hey, I’m Ellie.” She confidently said, looking into your eyes.
“I’m (y/n).” God you were so nervous, you don’t remember ever being this nervous before talking to someone.
She smiled at you, “So... did you enjoy yourself tonight?” She asked. Taking a sip from her whiskey.
“Yes! All of the songs you performed tonight were amazing but the last one was definitely my favorite.” You were talking about ‘through the valley’ by Shawn James. You definitely preferred Ellie’s version of the song, loving her voice and the raw emotion she put into it.
“It’s my favorite too.” She added. Her voice was going to be the death of you, it was so raspy right now and she looked so hot. Your palms were getting sweaty, she was making you nervous.
Ellie wasn’t stupid, she saw the effect she had on you and she enjoyed it. She felt the same though, she was just better at controlling her emotions.
She was enamored with you the second she saw you at the café this morning, she knew you didn’t see her but she desperately wanted to ask you out but you left the café before she had the chance too, so seeing you at her concert tonight was a surprise, she was excited to see you here and she had to take a chance and talk to you. Ellie wanted you, bad.
You kept some small talk going but that quickly turned into some flirting from both sides, you noticed how hot it’s suddenly gotten. You needed to splash some water on your face, your cheeks felt like they were on fire. Your skin was so hot, it was just Ellie’s effect on you. This sensation was new to you, you haven’t felt this way before, not even with your ex girlfriend. You excused yourself to the bathroom, telling Ellie you’d be right back. She bit her lip, watching you leave.
You went into the bathroom, splashing some water on your face you looked into the mirror. Telling yourself to get a grip, she was just a girl. No she wasn’t just a girl, she made you nervous. You were totally at her mercy, you didn’t even know her, she was a stranger but she gave you a such comfortable feeling, letting you know you were safe with her. Hearing the door open behind you, you saw Ellie through the mirror. You turned around staring at her as she was slowly making her way towards you. You stared at her. You knew she wasn’t here to make conversation and you were totally fine with that. She was so close to you now, her nose almost touching yours. Feeling her breath on your skin. Your heart started racing. You were looking at her lips, boldly you decided to make the first move, you got closer and brushed your lips against hers, testing the waters. Looking into her eyes, giving her a teasing smile.
She smirked at you, grabbing your face she closed her eyes and smashed her lips against yours. You gasped in her mouth, closing your eyes as well you put your arms around her neck and started kissing her back. You tasted the whiskey she had earlier. Staying like that for a while, kissing each other, her hands left your face, she grabbed you by your waist pulling you even closer to her, her grip was tight. You liked the way she was holding you against her.
Pulling away from each other you were left breathless, Ellie started kissing your neck, teasing you, her hands going lower she grabbed your thighs putting you up on the sink. She got in between your legs, going in for another kiss. This one being more heated, she brushed her tongue on your bottom lip, asking for entrance, which you granted her. She softly put her hands around your throat, squeezing slightly causing you to let out a moan.
She smirked into the kiss. You put your legs around her waist grabbing her face you pulled her closer.
After what felt like forever of making out, she pulled away looking at your disheveled hair and your puffy lips from all the kissing, she gave you a sweet kiss.
Brushing some hair out of your face. “So do you want to...” not even letting her finish “yes” she started grinning at you “my place?” She asked you.
“We can had back to mine, my roommate isn’t home.” You smirked at her
She gave you a devilish smile, “good, we wouldn’t want to wake up your roommate, babe.” She whispered in your ear, giving you another kiss, she grabbed your hand, intertwining your fingers she guided you out of the bar.
@twdimagining your wish is my command, here’s the first part to rockstar ellie!! Hope this is what you imagined it like to be!! Second part is going to be a steamy one 👀💕
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andreafmn · 3 years
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I'm Not Afraid - Chapter 6
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Word Count: 3,753
Characters: Female Reader Argent Character, Original Male Argent Character, Derek Hale, Allison Argent, Scott McCall, Stiles Stilinski, Isaac Lahey, Lydia Martin, Chris Argent, Jackson Whittemore
Story Description: (Y/N) Argent arrived at Beacon Hills to put to rest her father’s sister, Kate Argent. For the first time, her family has decided to settle down and sustain a life in this interesting small town. After 17 years, (Y/N) has the opportunity to establish interpersonal relationships but will she be ready to face the complications that come with relating to her cousin’s, Allison, friends; especially, the infamous Derek Hale. She will face the adventure of being associated with the Derek and McCall pack as well as being faced with the discovery of certain aspects of her life she never imagined.
*DISCLAIMER* I do not own in any way Teen Wolf, all credits of the pre-established characters, script, and storyline belong to Jeff Davis and MTV Network. The only thing I own is Argent Reader insert, her immediate family, and her storyline, as well as her effects in the others’ storyline.
Chapter: 6/?
Warnings: mentions of murder, arson, and blood
A/N: The ending is dark, y'all, dark. If you enjoy my writing I’ll also be posting them in AO3 and Wattpad along with other stories (I also hope to start taking requests if ya’ll want) Hope you enjoy and all constructive criticism is encouraged.
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Chapter 6
I followed my father inside the house, my hands trembling and sweating. The only topic I believed they would seriously need to talk to me about was the supernatural and the family business. Just as I had told Derek, if I hadn’t met him and Scott, I would have probably joined without a second thought. But I had met them, I had been embraced by them, and I didn’t know what I was going to answer.
I sat across from my parents on the kitchen’s island. They seemed excited, but a bit anxious. Obviously, revealing to your daughter the existence of supernatural beings and the fact that the whole family hunted them wasn’t an easy task. At least, she already knew the most hard-hitting information and she wouldn’t feel blindsided.
“Honey, what we have to tell you is very important, and we don’t want you to feel like we have been keeping this from you on purpose,” my mother started. “But you need to understand that everything we have to say today is nothing but the truth. Okay?”
“Guys, what is it? You’re scaring me.”
“You know that all Argents work at the family company, Argent Arms International, and that at some point you’d probably end up working there.”
“Yeah, dad. The reason I know too much about weapons,” I laughed. I couldn’t let on that I knew more than they thought.
“Well, the company is actually a front for the real work we do behind the scenes, and the reason we’re on the road a lot,” my father started. “Since the start of our lineage Argents have been hunters.”
“Hunters of what?”
“Now, I need you to remember that what I am about to tell you is the full honest truth.” I nodded. “We hunt supernatural creatures, but mainly werewolves. You remember the tattoo I have on my arm that you asked about when you were younger?”
“Yeah, ‘Nous chassons ceux qui nous chassent’. French, we hunt those who hunt us. I always thought it was more of a psychological phrase.”
“That’s our family mantra. All Argent generations have been trained since childhood to become hunters one day, Chris and I were the only ones that decided to give you and Allison the choice once you became teenagers to know about our world. It’s completely up to you to join us.”
“So, all the training, physical and with weapons, was all in preparation for this?” My father nodded. I could see the worry in his face of how I would take this news – a one-worded answer was going to shift my whole life. It was one thing to be knowledgeable of this life, it was another to be in the center of all of it.
“We run by a code,” my father explained. “We only hunt those who have been proven to have harmed innocent lives – only adults, no young ones, and no humans. Any hunter that breaks that code is an enemy to our cause.”
“Is that what aunt Kate did?” I spoke in a hushed tone knowing this was a difficult topic for my father, one that we hadn’t touched upon in the time we had been here.
“Yes, it is” my mother answered. Her dislike towards her sister-in-law wasn’t a secret. Mom had always thought of her as arrogant and self-centered – or so she would state when in an alcohol-induced rant.
“Unfortunately, my sister did break the code, but that’s beside the point,” dad interjected. “Sweetheart, we make sure that everyone around us is protected from the creatures that are unknown. So, what do you think? Do you want to join us?”
They both studied my face, waiting on any reaction that could arise from me. All I could think is how my decision could affect the people that had made their way into my life. Allison had accepted, and although her relationship with Scott was strained, she still managed to keep him close. But what if I accepted and all it did was deteriorate all the new relationship I was trying to build?
“Yes.”
After the conversation, my father warned me that training would start soon, after I passed some sort of test. They were happy that I had agreed to join the family trade, but I noticed a sign of worry in my father’s eyes. His whole life had been built around supernatural hunting, so what was he worried about? Whatever it was, he did not express. They had both been called away on a meeting and excused themselves before leaving. With the house to myself, I basked in my decision sitting on the living room couch, petting Brody.
“What do you think, bub? Did I make the right choice?” Brody looked up at me, his tongue hanging out, a smile on his face. A bark came after and I took it as confirmation that I had. “Maybe you’re right. We’ll see, huh? Should I call Derek and tell him?”
At the sound of Derek’s name, Brody barked out happily. I laughed at his reaction and decided to call Derek. It still surprised me that Brody had taken to Derek so quickly – probably had to do with him being a werewolf and an alpha. I clicked on his contact on my phone and waited on speaker for him to pick up.
“Hello?” His voice rang out, exciting Brody once more. “Hey, buddy!”
“He’s been very excited to hear from you.”
“I can see,” he chuckled. “I can assume you made it home safely?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“What’s wrong? You sound weird.”
“How can you possibly deduct my tone from over the phone?”
“Intuition, you could say. But seriously, what’s wrong?”
“Well, my parents talked to me about the family business,” I breathed out, nerves building up inside. I didn’t know what his reaction would be, and I hope my decision wouldn’t push him away. “They asked me to join them.”
“And what did you say?” He already knew the answer. Asking was just courtesy.
“I said yes.” He kept quiet for a second, and I truly believed I had ruined our relationship before anything had ever started. “Are you mad?”
“I can’t be mad. I understand why you did it, they’re your family. Why would you think I would be mad?”
“I don’t know. I’m gonna be actively working on hunting you and your kind, that would put a strain on any kind of relationship.”
“And what kind of relationship would that be?” He teased.
“Derek, this is serious. What kind of relationship could we have when we’re born enemies?”
“Allison and Scott seem to make it work. It’s hard, but it’s not impossible.”
“So, sneaking around, worrying every second that we’d be found out by hunters. Seems viable,” I snickered. “And in no way, shape, or form stressful. Believe me, Derek, I have enough anxiety as it is. I don’t need the stress of keeping all my relationships secret.”
“Do you have any other choice?”
“I guess I don’t.”
“The way I see it, (Y/N), is you can use this opportunity and work for both sides. You can protect us from the inside, and hunt those that are a real threat. Like the Kanima,” he stated. It made sense to work with my family to protect my friends, even if my family was hunting them. “And, as much as I hate saying this, you should talk to Allison about this. She seems to be handling this way better than I thought.”
“I will. Thanks, Derek. I’ll call you soon, okay?”
“I’ll be waiting. Sleep well, (Y/N).”
“You too, Derek.”
I hung up the phone and breathed out. My life had turned a lot more complicated than I had ever imagined, and I was sure it was going to turn a lot worse. I had just started dipping my toes in the supernatural pot we were living in, something told me that there was still so much that I didn’t know. And there was one person I knew would have the answers I was seeking.
I grabbed my jacket off the coat rack and got on my motorcycle, a clear route ingrained in my brain. The night was cold, and the breeze nipped at my skin as it blew under my shirt. There was so much I had to learn, and so little time.
The drive wasn’t long, and I was still surprised I remembered the way.
The lights in the McCall house were off, but the car was in front, so I assumed Scott was home. I would have gone to Allison, but I needed to know everything, and I was sure she would try to protect me from the worst of it. Scott seemed like someone I could trust, and being at the center of everything gave him a lot more insight that I could use. I looked around the house and, remembering which room was his, found a way to climb up the side to his window. Hopefully, I didn’t encounter something I didn’t want to see.
Looking away, I knocked on his window – loud enough for him to hear, but silent enough to not alarm his mom. I clutched my jacket tighter as I waited for an answer, the wind finding me easier on higher ground. It didn’t take long for the window to slid open, revealing a very confused Scott.
“(Y/N)?” He rubbed sleep off his eyes. “What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to you. Can I come in?”
“Sure.” He stepped aside and let me through. His room was messier than the last time I had seen it, and the bed was disheveled. On his desk, his computer was propped open, and a disarray of papers lived atop the wooden surface.
“Sorry for waking you, but this couldn’t wait.”
“Don’t worry. I couldn’t sleep anyway,” he chuckled. A lopsided smile taking place on his face. “So, what’s up?”
“Tonight, I was asked by my parents to join the hunters, and I agreed. But, going into this, I’m the one that knows the least about this world. Apart from Lydia, that is. I need to know everything you know about what we are up against. I don’t think our parents would have asked Allison and me to join now unless we were facing something truly dangerous.”
“Okay, I get it. And please don’t take this the wrong way, but why are you asking me and not Allison or even Derek? It seems like they would be the natural choice to ask about this.”
“Because they would try to shield me from the most dangerous aspects of what’s happening. Hopefully, you being a third party you’ll be truly honest about the situation we are in.” My tone came out friendly, but the underlying threat was evidently laced with it.
“Alright, where do you want me to start?”
“I want to know everything. No detail left out.”
“For me, this all started last year…”
And everything I learned. Scott had been bitten by Peter Hale, Derek’s uncle, who was alpha at the time. Most of last year he spent learning about his new werewolf life, which he believed he was alone in, until Derek, who came from a long line of werewolves that resided in Beacon Hills. The very same family my aunt had murdered. When he explained that part of Derek’s history, I couldn’t help but tear up. How could he ever stand being near me when my own blood had done that to him? Ripped him from his family in such a horrifying manner. I knew she had killed people but knowing that Derek was one of the survivors made my stomach knot.
He also told me how Derek came to be the alpha, and how Peter had held the alpha title also. And how my aunt had truly died. Everyone’s stories seemed to bundle into the same mess of supernatural chaos.
“Then, Jackson asked for the bite, which Derek gave him. And the thing about the bite, you sometimes turn into something other than a werewolf due to internal issues you could say. So, he became the Kanima, which is a lizard type-creature that looks for a master as we just recently learned. His main objective is to do as his master commands, and in his case, it's killing a bunch of people. He also secretes a venom that paralyzes people, but it didn’t work on you and Lydia.” Me? “Which was really weird – Lydia, we think it has something to do with Peter biting her. But you, we’re not sure. Because there’s no indication as to why you could possibly be immune. Unless you’re not human, but that would mean that Lydia’s not human either, and that doesn’t make sense.”
“Okay, Scott. You’re rambling,” I chuckled dryly, stopping him in his track. How he talked for so long, I did not understand. I believed Stiles was the only one with that ability. “How could you know that I was immune though? I haven’t had any contact with the Kanima or this venom.”
“Well, actually, the day we were making rock crystals in lab, Isaac had left some venom on Lydia’s crystal. You weren’t supposed to taste it, but it was a surprise when nothing happened to you. Have you ever been in contact with any other supernatural beings?”
“Seeing as I didn’t even know my parents were hunters, it’s safe to assume I haven’t. But I think finding out why I am the way I am is at the bottom of the list with this Kanima going around.”
“Yeah, and your family is making it very hard to do so when they’re actively hunting us.”
“They can’t be, they run by a code, and you guys are innocent.”
“But your grandfather doesn’t care. He lifted the code. He’s on a rampage towards all supernatural creatures, us included. They’re even keeping an eye on us at school – with Gerard running it and Victoria being our new teacher.”
“But we have the upper hand in learning about the Kanima, right? I mean, if my family is actively recruiting the younger ones, it means they are up against a threat they don’t know about, and we have the bestiary translated.”
“Kind of. I just have a feeling Gerard knows a lot more than he lets on.”
“Can’t really give insight on a person I don’t know. But anything I find out I’ll be sure to pass it along,” I smiled. “I still can’t believe all of this was happening right under my nose. How did I not notice?”
“It’s easy to ignore when you don’t know it exists. If I hadn’t been in the forest that night, I would be as in the dark as you were.”
“I guess so,” I smiled. “Thank you, Scott. For your honesty, and for trusting me with this information.”
“You’re one of us now, (Y/N). We look out for our own.”
“Thank you, Scott. I’ll leave you now to hopefully catch up on some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”
“Of course, (Y/N). We’re gonna meet up with Allison in the library to talk about the Kanima. I think it’d be good for you to be there.”
“I will.” My body was outside the house, squatting in front of the window. “Again, thanks, Scott. It’s good to know I have a friend looking out for us.”
“Don’t mention it, (Y/N).” He smiled, scratching his neck trying to hide the blush that had crept to his face. “Get home safe.”
I felt uneasy the whole ride back home. I truly couldn’t fathom how Derek old even spend a second with me after everything my family had put him through. My stomach hadn’t stopped turning, and I felt like I could throw up at any second. He didn’t deserve to have to look at a person that resembled the person that had screwed up his life. The tears started streaming from my eyes before I could stop them. It didn’t feel right, and it wasn’t right.
Somehow I made it back home. I had blacked out at some point and was moving out of muscle memory. I was glad my parents had not made it back home yet — I could let tears cascade without having to hide them. Allison and I had always looked up to our aunt. To us, she presented herself as a confident, independent, and badass woman. I still remember how one Christmas Allison and I had gotten into her clothes and pretended to be her. When Kate found us, she couldn’t help but laugh at the two little irks in front of her. She questioned what we were doing and we told her we wanted to be just like her. I recalled how I told her I wanted to grow up to be her. There’s nothing I wouldn’t have done to take that back. Had I know back then what I knew now, I would have stayed as far away from her.
“This family is all types of messed up. Huh, Brody?” My dog looked up at me, a questioning glance on his face. “What am I gonna do, bub? I don’t think I’m strong enough to face him. I really don’t.”
Brody barked, leaving kisses on my cheeks — a nimble approach to getting rid of my tears. I snuggled closer to him, enjoying his comforting presence. There was no way I was going to be able to sleep well tonight.
I was standing in the middle of Derek’s family home, the only light coming from the moon peeking through the clouds. It was a cold night, and the low temperature was seeping into my bones. My whole body ached and the air smelled of soot. I felt uneasy standing there. Now knowing its history, my heart clenched tightly. I could only imagine the pain that had ensued in what I presumed was an agonizingly slow death. The tears that escaped from my eyes burned into my skin, and my ears rang with an unknown high pitch. I kneeled on the floor, and attempt to catch m breath.
“It hurts doesn’t it?” I stood up, the unknown voice startling me. “The smell is the worst part.”
“Aunt Kate.”
“The screams weren’t that bad,” she chuckled. “They died down quickly. There’s so much screaming you can do when smoke fills your lungs.”
“Stop,” I sobbed. “Please.”
“I can just imagine them thinking it was a normal afternoon, and then the fire starts. You know, wooden houses are a very good catalyst to speed up a fire.”
“Stop.”
“(Y/N), come on.” Kate was grinning, a sinister smile that would have anyone shivering. “It’s only a matter of time before you do something similar. You and I have always been the most alike — centered, strong, morally grey. It’s in your blood, baby girl. At first, you’re gonna believe you’re on their side, but soon you’ll see that they’re all bad. Sooner or later they all spill innocent blood. It’s better to get them when they’re fresh, it’s so much easier”
“How can you talk like that? These are people’s lives you are talking about.”
“It’s different, sweetheart. They’re not normal, they’re a living abomination,” she rationalized. “This is all a game of power. We can’t allow them to have the upper hand. If we let that happen, they’ll overtake us, and there is a natural order to things.”
“Is that why you murdered a whole family of innocent beings? The family of a kid you tricked to fall for you, leaving him alone to suffer!” I yelled, the loudness hurting my throat. “You tricked Derek and used him to end his line. Why?”
“A pack is only as strong as its number. The bigger they are, the stronger they are. I was just doing my job,” she grinned. “Just like you did.”
“What are you talking about? I would never do something as heartless as you have.”
“Are you sure, honey? Why don’t you walk through that door and say that again.”
I stared at her like a deer stuck in headlights. My body shook as I slowly made my way to the dark front door of the house. Her eyes burned into every step I took, the sinus eerie grin still prominent on her face. With every step, her stare edging me on forward. There was a scene to unfold behind that door, and she was eager for me to see it.
I stretched my hand towards the doorknob but flinched when I felt the burning temperature it held. Kate said nothing as she encouraged me to open the door, daring me to face whatever I had to with just her gaze. I braced myself for the feeling and clasped my hand around the knob, turning it to reveal whatever it was that she wanted me to see.
The scene in front of me was heartbreaking. We now stood in front of Derek’s apartment complex, his loft lit aflame. The smell of ash was more prominent and the heat was almost unbearable. I tried to run into the building, the need to help any survivors growing in me. But Kate held me back, a painful grip holding onto my arm.
“Let me go!” I yelled through tears. “I need to save my friends.”
“Darling, don’t you get it?” She chuckled. “They’re all gone. All thanks to you. Look at your hands, honey.”
I did as she told, and my breath hitched in my throat when I did. My clothes were drenched in blood, and in my hands, I carried a bloody knife and a lighter. “No, I would never do this.”
“You already did.” She pointed forward, fixing my sight on the bodies that laid on the floor of the lot. “And some of them were innocent, too. But in war, there are always casualties. I mean, your cousin sided with them, and look how she ended up.”
I walked around the bodies, trying to find a sign of life in any of them as a flood of tears streamed out of my ducts.
Scott.
Stiles.
Lydia.
Isaac.
Allison.
Even Boyd and Erica were there.
But I didn’t see one important person. “Where’s Derek?” My voice croaked, barely the volume of a whisper.
“Who do you think is inside the building? It’s a fitting end for him. Dying in the way he shucked have years ago,” she laughed maniacally. “At least he’ll relate to his family when he gets to the other side.
“NO!” Once again I tried to run into the building, needing to risk my ice to save his. But she stopped name in my tracks once more, her grip tightening. “Let me go, please. Just let me go, I have to save him.”
“Honey, he’s already gone,” she scoffed. “Don’t you get it, sweetheart? There are only two ways this will end — it’s either you or them. And the sooner you accept it, the easier it will be; you are just like me.”
Tag List: @hellowinterlane​ @lokisgoddesofpower​ @mersuperwholocked-lowlife @malar-region @sunshine-flower
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austarus · 3 years
Text
Harrison Wells (Eobard Thawne) x Reader Ballistic Confrontations (1/3)
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**A/N: The picture/edit/gif belongs to me!
Yes, I’m alive.
*TW: mentions of suicide, drowning, and cutting. Along with Eobard being a dramatic bitch*
Word Count: 3184
Part 2   Part 3
Felicity deadpanned with Harry beside her on one of the Cortex monitors. She had glanced to all her friends. “The bottom line is that we have to catch these parallel-earth goose-steppers.” Everyone was well aware of her dislike towards Nazi’s. The things they had done on this earth to her ancestors and to people like her. Utterly Disgusting.  
“This might help,” Barry stepped in, holding up a blood-stained arrow.
“Is that a kryptonite arrow?” Kara’s sister, Alex, unfurled her arms as she gently took the lethal arrow away from him.
“Yup,” Barry responded with a sigh, hands at his hips while the others rounded together. He felt exhausted from chasing around Eobard while Kara and Oliver dealt with their doppelgangers. Years later and he still wasn’t fast enough to stop the yellow speedster.
“I know I shouldn't have to ask this question, but I have to ask this question.” Felicity interjected with quick words; worry seeded in her chest. “Oliver didn't shoot Kara, did he?”
“Sort of,” Barry replied, further clarifying with a face. The days just keep getting worse and worse with these parallel-dimension-hoppers. “The other Archer and flying woman are Oliver and Kara of Earth-X.”
“When you said that Earth-X was horrible,” Caitlin glanced back at Harry, who had raised a hand in mock defeat, “you might have undersold it.”
“Wait a minute. How- how could there be another Kara?” Alex was thoroughly confused; she was still new to the concept of parallel earths doppelgangers.
“Well, there are 53 Karas, just like there's 53 Kryptons and 53 Earths.” Harry explained simply.
“And the Thawne from our earth is working with them.” Barry gave a look, clearly annoyed at the fact that Thawne was back. Again. Thawne coming back due to time travel and the Speedforce were already giving him a headache just thinking about it all over again.
Caitlin just gave Barry an incredulous look. “He's an idiot.” Harry plainly stated.
Felicity already was thinking up of ways to track them down. “Ok, if that arrow has not-so-Supergirl's blood on it, we c—"
“We could track it using quantum analysis.” Harry cut her off, but she just nodded at his words.
“We could.”
***___***
“Harry, Cait, Iris,” Barry unfurled his arms and gestured to them with his head for a sidebar. The others were busy with Alex in isolating the city for Kara-X’s radioactive blood signatures. Felicity’s specialty. After all, she was able to track a deranged killer with just his face cream. “Whatever happens, (Y/N) can’t know Thawne’s here.” Both scientists gave odd looks to each other at the speedster’s words.
“Barry she’s going to find out one way or another, she’s part of this team too,” Iris voiced, side-glancing the door as if you’d step in at any moment.
“If he’s working with them, she has the right to know.” Caitlin added. “She should know what to expect.”
“Allen, unless you decide to lock her up in the pipeline until this is all over, she’ll find out.” Harry said. “You can’t possibly hide this from her forever.” The genius scientist hinted at the fact that when Barry had run back in time last year, Thawne had been the one to ‘fix’ things when really, he had altered the timeline. A timeline created to suits him and his plans. Even going as far to tell Barry that this was how the timeline was supposed to be before Thawne had caused the alteration when he had time-traveled back to kill Nora and escalated into what is now Team Flash. Three different timelines had been created, but this one, according to Thawne, is how the original one should have been. Just with a few… absences… Like Eddie and Ronnie. Barry had never mentioned any of this to you or the fact that Thawne had ended up escaping him that night. The scarlet speedster did not want you looking for the man in the yellow suit. But it seems that fate’s not on Barry’s side this time.
“Harry, I can’t have her chasing after him. Not with all this going on,” Barry protested. “One maniacal problem at a time.”
“Whether she does or doesn’t is up to her, Allen. You’re not a god.” Harry pursed his lips before heading to the side lab.
Barry ran his tongue over his lips tightly, frowning deeply at the echoed words. He didn’t need this right now. Those words stung the speedster, mainly with the aftermath of his time remnant – Savitar - claiming god-hood, wanting to alter everything and anything in his way to stay alive. Even to kill the love of his life. Jay Garrick told him that when he ran back to this timeline a year ago. ‘We’re not gods, Barry.’
How did Wells know about that? Maybe he didn’t. But it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that time-traveling powers shouldn’t be abused like that. Yet… Thawne always gets away with it. He gets away with barely a scratch. I can be one step ahead, but he’ll be 15 steps further.
Caitlin gave her friend a sympathetic look, exchanging one with Iris. Alex and Felicity were still present in the room, but too preocuppied with their blood sample. Barry’s intentions made sense, but it was your decision whether to chase after Thawne or not. It’s your choice on whether you’d even side with him for this battle.
***___***
You had stood right outside the Cortex in the corridor, your feet stopped when you heard Barry announce that “Thawne is working with them”. Your heart got caught in your chest. Eobard was here. He was back. But why in the hell would he ever work with Nazis? Nazis? Seriously Eo??? What the absolute fuck? You knew Eobard never had a tolerance for people like that. People like Eiling or Stagg, who would “poke fun” at those with disabilities, even if he had feigned his inability to walk in the end. People who would intentionally use their status to torture others. It just goes to show how people with that kind of caliber would think. So why this sudden change? Not ‘why now’. No, why at all?? How could he have stooped so low? That idiot. Unacceptable.
But what ached the most was Barry’s words. He doesn’t trust me… Even after all these years. Your heart shook and eyes narrowed as your eyes peered at the light being cast from the Cortex. You took in a breath. Taking a quiet step back, your feet carried you to one of the higher levels of STAR Labs- one of the tower levels. Your quiet place of refuge when this had gotten too much, whether it was because the shadows kept you safe from judgment or not, you didn’t know. If he wants to act like that, then two can play this game, Bartholomew Henry Allen. You looked out onto the city, subconscious scanning every light – every street. Lights winked in and out, the night progressing as the city remained unaware of the new monsters it currently hid. But what am I going to do?
***___***
Iris rubbed her eyes before taking a step closer to her almost-husband. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“I can’t have (Y/N) fighting with us. Not now. Not in this battle.” Not when he’s lurking around.
“Why?”
“You know why? Thawne’s out there. Running, scheming.”
“So, you don’t trust her.” It was more of a statement rather than a question.
“Iris, she knew what he did to my mom. Lied to us about it for months back then and still chose Thawne when we locked him up. What makes this time different?”
“Barry, while all those sound like good points, first and foremost she’s our friend.” The speedster just shook his head, Iris huffed, “Look, it’s been -what?- 3? 4 years? Since she’d last been with him? Things have changed. You think after everything we’ve been through; she’ll throw that all away?”
“Yes! Old feelings come back; they always do and she’s going to get her revenge.”
“How do you know that? How do you know that she wants revenge?”
“Thawne will coax it out of her. He’s good at manipulating a person’s feelings.”
“And what would she get in the end?”
Barry didn’t answer her, instead he wrung his hands together.
“Barr, if she had wanted revenge, she would have done so already after the incident. But she didn’t. (Y/N) was depressed after Thawne was erased. Vulnerable. The love of her life was gone, just like that. Don’t you remember? How she wanted to end it all, but we stopped her.” Barry’s eyes flickered to the ground, remember the sight he had seen. Drowning. You were purposefully drowning yourself in your tub. The way your looked back at him- lifeless- when he had gotten you back to your senses. The blood the dripped, your cold skin. The monitor beeping every so often in the Cortex. Iris’ own mind shifted to when she had seen the scars littered on your arms when Caitlin had fully examined you. Your dull hair and gaunt face, nothing like the brilliant fire that rang through you months prior to Eobard’s erasure. “We helped her work through it when we found out. Caitlin and I looked after (Y/N) every second of the day until she was ready to get back on her two feet. And then Zoom happened and he was breaking you. Breaking your bones and your spirit- when you broke your back, she was all-hands-on-deck to step in and help in your place while still dealing with her own issues.”
“I know, it’s just- something just tells me otherwise with Thawne here.”
“Barry-”
“-She’s going to choose him, Iris. Nothing will change that. To her, everything we’ve been through until this point won’t mean anything. Not when Thawne’s at the end of the tunnel waiting for her. She’s going to choose him and help him.”
“But what if she doesn’t? What then, Barr?”
Barry just shrugged. “I-I don’t know, but I can’t take any chances. Not this time.” I can’t hesitate with Thawne here. One misstep and that’ll be all he needs to make his move.
Iris reached out to her fiancé, gently caressing his cheek. She knew that he won’t change his mind, no matter the reasons she could come up with. Barry thought in absolutes when it comes to Thawne. And your past emotional ties with the evil speedster only further drove his current mistrust. “Come on, we have to help the others.”
***___***
You threw the ball against the concrete wall opposite to you, all your strength forced into it. The stress ball ricocheted back to where you sat. You caught it with ease, giving it a firm squeeze as your eyes shut.
“How could you betray us? We were your friends, your family!-”
“You are-”
“We stood by you!”
“I just-”
“-Just what!? He took everything from me!”
You cringed at the voice from years past. Breathe in, breathe out.
“You’re just as guilty as him. No wonder, like calls to like.”
“I-”
“I don’t want your excuses.”
Breathe in, breathe out.
“I hope you rot with him.”
Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Swallowing harshly, you did your breathing exercises to push Barry’s cold voice away. You had stolen the malleable ball from Harry- or rather, he had allowed you to take it from him. It was an unused gift from the others for Harry to deal with his anger issues. Instead of throwing beakers and graduated cylinders off desks, the Earth-2 scientist can simply channel his anger into this stress ball… Which had been a hard pass for him. Rather he preferred his method of anger outbursts, even if he did end up hurting himself in the process. So you put it to use instead; a tool for simple meditation, as well as the redirecting your certain senses. It’s made of rubber polymer so your electrokinesis didn’t harm your new toy in any way.
Your eyes lingered back onto the city, your arm hanging over your bent leg while your other remained outstretched. No good in hiding up here forever, it’ll make things more suspicious. Not like Barry isn’t suspecting anything anyway. But you had needed time to think, to collect your thoughts and assess what actions you would take. You touched the necklace Eobard had made for you in rich gold- a Columba. It’s a constellation signifying the dove in astrology as he always called you his little birdy. But also, because gave him a sense of peace which the dove has generally symbolized fore. A finger ran over the one of the six diamonds that twinkled for the constellation, connected to each by a trail of gold. Eobard. Licking your lips, you got up, you pocketed your ball and brushed any dust particle from your leggings.
Upon entering the Cortex, a group of heroes left: Oliver, Kara, Barry, Sara, and so on. Barry had shoved past you, your eyes meeting briefly as you raised an eyebrow. His expression was guarded, but you said nothing.
“I’m guessing they’re going on a little midnight excursion?” You turned to Felicity and Iris with a thumb pointing in their direction. Mick was nowhere to be found so you can assume he’s already raided the lounge fridge. Caitlin had already prepped the med bay for incoming injuries, which isn’t an uncommon expectation, but wasn’t in the Cortex.
“Ding ding ding, you’re correct,” Felicity piped up, typing away at her computer screen. She was already hacking into cameras around the warehouse as the inside had ones out of commission. “The remaining Legends are to be on standby, should something happen during the warehouse fight. Per Sara’s orders.” At least Felicity isn’t treating you any differently, especially with how close she is to Barry. He probably told her to.
“And we’re going to be…?” You raised an eyebrow, a bit offended no one decided to volunteer you for the fight. You wanted to kick some Nazi ass too. Fry those fuckers. Guess Barry told them all to not trust me. Great, thanks Barr. Bitterness welled up inside but didn’t show it. Felicity and Iris aren’t the ones to be at odds with. Maybe it’s a good thing if Eo’s there. Barry would have his eyes all over your interaction with him.
“Just doing some monitoring and staying on comms. The usual Overwatch stuff,” Felicity smiled up at you then quickly turned to her tech. You could tell that her mind was wondering. About what? You had no clue and decided it’d be best to not involve yourself should things go sour if you did and Barry would find a reason to blame you.
No, this reunion needed to be on the downlow. One away from prying eyes. Your eyes drifted to Iris’ back in a subtle manner before pulling out your phone to check the time.
“Where’s Harry?” You asked, if anything he was one of the people who hadn’t seen you for just your past. Didn’t care for it as Zoom terror and Jesse’s rescue were more pressing matters. And you had seen him for more than a doppelganger to Eobard, even if their tendencies and bristliness seemed similar. Harry was Harry and Eobard was Eobard. Both were their own men, it wasn’t that hard to see and understand. He had done his own share of horrors and dark deeds for Jesse that Harry was dealing with his own darkness, while your demons haunted you. In an odd way, you both understood one another. Begrudgingly at first, though. Plus, you needed to return the stress ball back to him, thinking he’d need it now with Thawne around. If anything, you found it funny how Harry got mad when people would call Thawne a Wells. The Wells doppelganger would spectacularly blow up, which was always a site to see. Though you were hoping the two would never meet. You chewed on the inside of your cheek on how that interaction could possibly go. Would you-
“He’s probably back in his lab,” Iris spoke up from the other side of the Cortex, padding up to you. You nodded at her, mind drifting once more as you strolling to the Cortex exit. Harry could hold his own, but up against Eo, with all his speed… You’d choose-
“Hey,” Iris stopped you, snapping you out of your thoughts and placing a hand on your arm. You blinked. A small smile was woven on her face, one of those comforting smiles that said that you can come to her for anything… But could you?
“Hey,” you returned it, feigning any indication that you had overheard what Barry had said earlier. Schooling your features, you calmed your nerves. I’ve done this before. Pretended not to know. I can do it again. I can’t trust no one, and it seems like no one can trust me. I’ll be the actress again in this drama, spun by Barry this time.
“Can I talk to you for a moment?”
“Sure”
Iris was perceptive, she didn’t miss the slight strain in your voice. The guarded look that the young journalist had become accustomed to receiving when approaching you. There were times where she’d realize you were walking on eggshells with her. Because of Barry. Because of the serrated words he had thrown at you like knives all those times ago. But there were times where all was well with the world, the past forgotten and the strength of your friendship with the team more prominent than ever.  Then again, having Nazi’s return and who are hell bent on ruling this Earth by eradicating its heroes then move on to the next Earth in the multiverse does tend to throw tension into the air. Iris bit her lip. Especially if she doesn’t know about Thawne.
“(Y/N), look there’s… there’s something I need to tell you.”
“Sure, what’s up?”
“…”
“Iris, is something wrong? Are you ok?”
She noted sincerity on your face. “Thawne’s here.”
You pursed your lips, internally confused. “Iris-”
“And he’s fighting with the Earth-Xers.”
“I… what?!” Your rage was not false. Sure you knew about it earlier, but now it was necessary to unleash it. It’d make your surprise all the more legit.
“I needed you to know,” Iris swallowed.
“How?”
“When Barry, Oliver, and Kara intercepted their heist.”
“…” It was your turn to be silent. You knew, but you had to play a little longer until you could leave.
“I trust you, ok?”
“But” You knew there was a ‘but’. There always is one. Iris blinked, opening her mouth a few times then looking away before meeting your gaze once more.
“But I need to know you’re with us on this.”
Your eyes never left hers, your hand was held in both of hers. Before you could even respond an alarm had gone off. Both your necks snapped to Felicity, who snapped up from her sitting position.
“That was the corridor alarm.” Fear crippled its way in the air. “This is a setup.”
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atlabeth · 3 years
Text
transferred part twelve - atla smau
masterlist | part eleven | part thirteen
this takes place about 2 weeks after the last chapter
summary: trying to run from your past is hard, but falling for your brother’s roommate is even harder. little do you know that he’s falling for you as well. 
wc: 3.6k 
a/n: i’ve been writing bits and pieces of this since the start of this series so. enjoy. that’s all im gonna say lmao 
warning(s): cursing, mentions of familial death, mentions of abuse, some angst but also some fluff. this is kind of a heavy chapter because both zuko and y/n talk about their past, but there is fluff at the end. 
~~~~~~~~
You pushed your hair out of your face and tried to blink the sleep out of your eyes, catching a glimpse of the time on the corner of your laptop. 
3:23 AM. 
You should’ve been asleep a long time ago, but all of your professors had decided to schedule tests in the same week so it was one of many, many late nights you had had lately. You thought that they would cool down because midterms were coming up, but BSSU professors kept proving you wrong. Late nights like these were becoming a regular occasion, and right now you just needed a break. 
The tea dates with Zuko were the only things keeping you sane. But could you even call them dates? 
It was the two of you, together, sitting and talking over tea for hours, and they were happening multiple times a week. In fact, you and him had gotten tea together exactly 9 times in the past two weeks — and that wasn’t even counting all the talking during your shared shifts. 
Katara, Suki, and Toph told you that they were dates, you wanted them to be dates, but there was a part of you that was so incredibly scared that you were wrong — that moving past that bridge would ruin the friendship that you cherished so much with Zuko — that you kept things solely platonic. No matter how much you wanted to kiss him every time he gave you that smile. 
But thinking about the complicated relationship you had found yourself entangled in with Zuko wasn’t a break, no matter how many times you had pondered over it before falling asleep in the wee hours of the night. 
You closed your laptop and grabbed your jacket that had been carelessly tossed on a stool at the kitchen island, making sure to sneak out of the apartment as quietly as you could. You opted to work in the living room, choosing to camp out on the sofa whenever you had to stay up as late as this, just so you wouldn’t wake up Sokka. Your brother had no idea how much you did for him. 
The cool breeze hitting your face and the shining stars in the sky were a welcome change of scenery from the lifelessness that was your apartment at night and your computer screen that you were sure was going to cause you eye issues later in life with how bright it was. 
You took a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling the crisp night air, and started to walk. You were sure you looked like a mess. You were wearing some flannel pajama pants, a BSSU tank top, tennis shoes, and Zuko’s jacket.  He had never asked for it back after that night at the party, and when you had showed up to one of your hangouts wearing it, he told you that you could keep it — “it looks better on you anyways” — so you did. 
There was something calming about the atmosphere. You knew that a lot of women were anxious about going out at night, especially alone, but that was why you had taken self defense classes. Being friends with Suki was a self defense class in its own, and it was very much appreciated. You allowed yourself to get lost in your thoughts, trying to give yourself the break that you deserved, when the hairs on the back of your neck stood up. 
“You know, it’s not safe to be out alone at this hour.” 
You let out a scream at the unexpected voice and whirled around, your fists already up to defend yourself. When you saw who it was, you laughed, completely shocked, and hit your hands against your legs, trying to calm your rapidly beating heart. 
“Holy shit, Zuko, you can’t just sneak up on someone like that!” you wheezed. You had no doubt that he only had good intentions, but for a second you thought someone was going to try and kill you. You had to admit, the scare was worth it to see the mix of horror and embarrassment on Zuko’s face.
“I’m so sorry!” His hands were held up placatingly in front of him and he let out a nervous laugh as well, but it did nothing to cover up the wide eyes he stared at you with. “I am so sorry, I didn’t even think about that. I- I was just up studying too, and I heard you leaving so I thought you could use some company- I swear, I wasn’t trying to scare you or anything!” 
You shook your head but couldn’t stop the smile on your lips, gesturing for him to come closer while you caught your breath. “It’s fine. Come on, walk with me.”
He fell into step beside you and the two of you walked in silence for a while, the only disruptions being the occasional car that drove by. It was eerily quiet, but with Zuko, it was nice. 
“So-”
“So-” 
Both of you laughed when you each interrupted the other, and when you motioned for Zuko to go first he shook his head. You paused for a moment, the question on the tip of your tongue, before you decided to take the plunge. 
“I’ve been wondering since I got here; how did you end up as friends with—” You gestured around with your hands. “—this whole crew? It’s kind of a weird combination of people, so I guess I just wanna know how you became a part of it.” 
Zuko sighed and ran a hand through his hair, causing your eyes to widen a little bit as a stammered apology came out. “You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to-” He gave you a tight smile and shook his head. 
“No, it’s fine. You should know about my life if— if we’re going to keep living together.” He knew the moment he met you, the moment he agreed to let you live with all of them, that he would have to explain his past to you. Hell, your siblings might have already told you some of it — he could only hope you’d still want to be his friend after he was done. 
“”I.. I wasn’t the best person in the past. I was a horrible person actually, and I consider myself extremely lucky that I was given so many chances to change. I hurt people. Bullied people. Got into fights just because I could. I was just- horrible is the only way to describe it. But your siblings, Toph, Aang? They were all people that decided to give me one of those chances, and they’re a huge reason that I am who I am today.” Zuko spoke slowly, and you could tell that this was something he didn’t open up to many people about. You smiled softly at him and nodded, letting him know that he could go on. 
“I don’t know how much you know about my father, but he’s the CEO of our family company. He’s been this huge presence in the business world for as long as I can remember, and he’s responsible for all the wealth and fame that our family has today. And when I was younger, I idolized him. I thought he was the greatest man in the world, that he could do no wrong, and I just followed him blindly. He was the most important person in my life, but.. I was nothing to him.” 
“He didn’t care about his friends, or- or his family, he only cared about power. My mother left when I was young, we haven’t heard a word from her since, and- and I don’t even know if he cared. My father would do whatever it took to become as powerful as he could, and that meant—” Zuko’s voice was getting louder and he cleared his throat, trying to keep his cool. There was a certain hollowness behind his eyes, and it tore you to pieces. “That meant hurting anyone that went against him. Including his children.”  
“I have a sister, Azula. She’s a prodigy in every sense of the word, and my father used it, used her. She was clearly his favorite, and it drove me insane. I mean, I did everything for his approval, but he only cared about Azula. We had a good relationship when we were younger, but my father molded her into the kind of person he wanted her to be, and— and I was jealous of her. He used that against us, purposefully staked the fire of our competition, one that I thought I could somehow win. But we had both already lost the second we started fighting against each other.” 
“It took me a long time to realize that.. that he was abusing us. I mean, he gave me this scar all because I spoke out of turn, and— and I still thought that I could earn his favor, that he deserved to earn my favor! He threw me out of the house when I was thirteen, and I went to live with my uncle. It took an even longer time, but with his help, and the support of your siblings and their friends, I was able to break the cycle. I was horrible to them at first, all of them, and I hated my father for what he did, but it was probably the thing that saved me.”  “And Azula.. leaving her will always be my biggest regret. My biggest mistake. I should’ve forced her to come with me when I was kicked out, I should’ve done something sooner, because maybe she wouldn’t have turned out the way she did.” He swallowed hard, his voice strained. “I came back for her once I was stable, and I helped her get out. I helped her get a therapist. It’s been a long process, but she’s getting better every day. But not a day goes by where I don’t think about what I could’ve done to help her more.”
You instinctively reached out for Zuko’s hand, and to your surprise, he took it without question. You gave his hand a small squeeze and led him over to a nearby bench — without realizing it, the two of you had entered a public park that was near the complex. When you sat down together, you moved so that one of your legs was crossed in front of you and the other was hanging down so you could face him. 
“Zuko.. I am so, so sorry. I don’t think any amount of apologies will be able to get how I feel across, but.. you didn’t deserve to go through that. No one deserves to go through that.” You took both of his hands, thankful for the warmth they provided. “Listen to me. Are you listening to me?” 
He gave a pained smile and nodded. “Yes, Y/N. I’m listening to you.” 
“You are not who you were in middle school. You are not who you were in high school. Okay? Your father is a horrible man, and you wouldn’t have done any of those things if it wasn’t for him. What you did when you were younger wasn’t okay, but the fact that you have so much remorse for it today proves that you’re a good person. Zuko, you are a good person, one of the best men that I’ve ever met in my life, and I’ve only known you for a few months.” 
You were subconsciously rubbing calming circles into the back of his hands —  hands that were still holding yours — while you talked, but it was all Zuko could think about.  “I know you feel guilty about leaving your sister, but you did what you had to do to get out. You came back for her, and you’ve helped her get better. She’s grateful for it, Zuko, I know that much.” 
“Everyone else has forgiven you,” you murmured, staring deep into the fire he held in his eyes. “You deserve to forgive yourself.”
The silence that passed while you gazed into each other’s eyes felt like it lasted an eternity, when really it was only about a minute. Zuko was the first to break it, clearing his throat and looking everywhere but at you as his words tumbled out. “I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to dump all of this on you at once.”
“It’s okay, Zuko, really. I understand; sometimes you just need to talk to somebody. You don’t know how much it means to me that you trusted me with all of that. And.. if we’re still baring our souls to each other, then I guess I have some things that you should know as well.” 
You bit the inside of your cheek; were you really about to tell Zuko about what happened? Most people knew that your mother was dead — killed in a drunk driving accident when you were ten — but you had never told anyone, not even your father or your siblings, about the full effect it had on you. But his eyes told you more than he ever could, and in that moment you knew it would be okay. You could trust him with something you had never trusted anyone else with.
“I’m sure you know that my mother died when I was young.” He nodded and you swallowed, trying to get rid of the sudden dryness in your throat. “It was.. hard. Really hard, on all of us. It was just so unexpected that we didn’t know what to do. We didn’t really have any money to spare, so my dad had to keep working, and I had to take care of Sokka and Katara. I was only eleven, but I basically had to take over the ‘mom’ role. Our grandmother came down to take care of us so we wouldn’t just be a bunch of kids living on our own, but even with her and Katara’s help, it was still hard. Sokka and Katara had to grow up much faster than they should’ve, even though I tried to shield them as much as I could.” 
“It was.. a lot. I won’t lie to you, it was a lot. Maybe too much.” A mirthless laugh hung in the air and you had to blink back the tears threatening to spring. “My mother was.. amazing. She was the only one who truly got me, you know? She was just this— this beautiful spirit in the world, and she brought light wherever she went. And when she died, it left this.. huge, gaping hole in my heart, one that I’m still trying to fill. I- I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fill it. I thought as I got older it would be easier, but i-it’s not. The three of us joke around by calling Katara mom because of how she is, and they sometimes do it to me, and I know that’s all they are, jokes, but some part of it still hurts.” 
You were rambling now, spilling your soul to Zuko, going into the most mundane details that you had never told anyone. You had taken away the dam that had been holding back the waters of your emotions for so long, and now Zuko was going to drown in them. But you couldn’t stop.
“It’s the reason why I didn’t drive for so long. I didn’t want to, I was terrified of it because of what happened to my mother, but someone needed to be able to take Sokka and Katara around. And- and as I got older, and I started going to parties and people started drinking, I never did. I couldn’t, I was always the designated driver, because I couldn’t leave that in someone else’s hands. I had to be in control, because if I let someone go, then it was like I was killing my mother all over again, and it’s the reason why I always have to be the one driving—” 
You paused to take a deep breath, and as you looked down at your hands, you realized they were shaking. Not just your hands, but your entire body. What the hell were you doing? You let out a tearful laugh, covering your mouth with one hand and shaking your head. “God, I am so sorry, I— I don’t know what got into me.”
Zuko’s eyes never left yours, his own glassy, and he shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize. Like you said, it helps to tell someone. A-and— I know how you feel, what it’s like feeling like you have to give up the world for your siblings. But you have to take care of yourself too. You’re not just what you can give to other people. You are your own person.”
He was thankful that you trusted him enough to tell you something like this about yourself, something that your own blood didn’t even know, but it also made him realize that you had always trusted him. 
Your point about driving. You liked to be in control so that if something did go wrong, there wouldn’t be any thoughts of what you could’ve done. If something happened, it was because of you and only you. And on your first day of classes, and many trips since, you had let him drive. It was something so small, so insignificant to anyone, but to you it was a sign of trust. 
You trusted him. 
“You’re shivering.” Your voice snapped Zuko back to reality and he shrugged, the smallest smile playing on his lips. 
“I wouldn’t be if someone had given me my jacket back,” he joked. You elbowed him in the chest and stood up, holding out your hand for him to take to help him up as well. Zuko took it and you ignored the butterflies that erupted, setting a steady pace as the two of you walked. 
“We should get back to the apartment. It’s late, and you need to sleep,” you chided. 
“You have bags the size of baseballs under your eyes. I think you need sleep just as much as I do.” 
“I’m special,” you shot back with a grin.
Yeah, you are, Zuko thought. 
The walk back to the apartment was shrouded in comfortable silence and intertwined hands, something that neither of you made any move to change.
~~~~~~~~
Soon enough you had gotten back to your rooms — such a small apartment meant that they were right next to each other — and as you turned on your heel to face him, a shy smile played on your lips. “Thank you. For, uh- coming after me. For listening to me.” 
“Of course,” he nodded. The two of you stood in silence for a while, and then Zuko reached out his hand. Your breath caught in your throat as he brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear, and the close proximity combined with the surprisingly intimate act caused your cheeks to heat up once more. It was like you were caught in a trance.
Your gaze flickered from his eyes to his lips for just a moment, and you could’ve sworn that he did the same. The air between the two of you was crackling with unseen electricity, and before you could question yourself you were leaning forward. 
You felt him lean in as well as your eyes fluttered shut, and his lips ghosted over yours. Your eyes snapped open and you stared at him, your lips slightly parted in disbelief — he just kissed you. Zuko just kissed you. It was like time had stopped — and then it all came crashing down. His lips came back to yours with an intense fervor, cupping your face in his hands to get as close to you as possible.
It was bliss in the purest sense. You reciprocated immediately, tangling a hand in his dark hair, letting out a soft gasp as your back hit the wall. Despite how many times you had imagined this moment, nothing could compare to the real thing. It was passionate but gentle all the same, and the warmth that spread through your whole body was familiar — it was Zuko. 
Your mind was a jumbled mess. It was split a million different ways; one part suddenly very worried about how your hair looked, one hoping that Sokka and Aang couldn’t hear you, another that didn’t care, but most of them were just screaming about how oh my god you were kissing Zuko.
You knew your whole face was flushed when you finally pulled away, and the warmth of his lips lingered as the two of you stared at each other, breathing slightly labored. You tentatively reached out your hand and softly, carefully traced your finger over a part of his scar. He flinched at the contact instinctively, but you felt him relax and even lean into your touch. It meant more than you could ever say, especially knowing what you knew now. 
“You’re so beautiful,” you murmured, your touch impossibly soft against the cracked skin of his scar. “And you’re stronger than anyone knows. Than you know.” 
You kissed him again, shorter and sweeter than the first but just as tender, trying to memorize the feeling of his lips against yours as he returned it. You smiled at him and pushed your door open behind you, equal parts nervous and exhilarated about what just happened. “Goodnight, Zuko,” you whispered, shining eyes never leaving his until you closed the door.  
As soon as you were in your room you turned around and leaned against the door, smiling to yourself like an idiot. Your hand ghosted over your cheek, the spot where his hands had been, and you sighed dreamily. You had no idea how you were going to be able to finish studying. 
This was definitely more than a small crush. 
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~~~~~~~~~~
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lady-of-the-lotus · 3 years
Text
Xuexiao Goes to the DMV
Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen go to the DMV (aka Where Hope Goes To Die) and share a kiss.
That’s it. That’s the fic.
Xuexiao - T (just for some cursing) - Read on AO3!
*
“If you hear about someone going berserk in a DMV on the news, that’ll be me,” the mechanical text-to-speech voice reads aloud, and Xiao Xingchen turns to Xue Yang questioningly.
Xue Yang reaches over and turns the volume down on Xingchen’s phone. “Meant to send that to A-Qing.”
“Are we going to be escorted out? Again?”
Xue Yang grins and looks around the room. They’ve already been at the DMV for over an hour. Dozens of people are draped limply over the hard orange seats, eyes glazed, going down for the third time in a sea of government bureaucracy.
“Ticket 4352, now being served at window thirty-three,” announces the robotic voice over the loudspeaker.
“It would take an alien invasion to wake these people up,” Xue Yang says as a man in overalls shuffles past. “You should see these people. This must be what a lobotomy post-op recovery room looks like.”
“Mmhmm.”
“Like the world’s most incompetent deli, filled with zombie customers waiting to eat the brains of whatever the opposite of employee of the month is. Well, ‘brains.’ They work at the DMV, after all.”
Xiao Xingchen adjusts his sunglasses. “Let's not be mean.”
“And we can all hear you,” adds a woman on his left. “Not that it made much sense.”
Xue Yang makes a face at her and turns back to Xingchen. “If they make me come back a third time, I’m going to go postal. You know, going postal should be called ‘going DMV.’ It’s catchier, for one thing, and I’ve never so much as stepped foot in a post office—”
“I’m keeping you far away from post offices. Those poor people have suffered enough.”
“How so?”
“Well, there must be a reason they go postal, right?”
Xue Yang rolls his eyes. “If the post office has the same taste in music as the DMV, I don’t blame them. Who picked this station? If it’s not Justin Bieber it’s whoever inflicted ‘Kiss Me Through the Phone’ on the world. I’d like to do something to them through the phone, and it won’t be a kiss, I can tell you that much.”
Xiao Xingchen takes a Snickers bar out of the fanny pack Xue Yang has vainly begged him not to wear. “According to the television commercials, this will improve your mood.”
“My mood?” Xue Yang takes a bite. “If I have to hear ‘Baby’ one more time—”
“Ticket 9753, now being served at window fourteen.”
“ ‘Served.’ Ha. As if.”
Xiao Xingchen feels around for another Snickers bar but comes up empty. He should have planned this better. He’d sensed Xue Yang’s mood coming on last night as Xue Yang went through his documents. He’d been cheerful enough until he found his birth certificate in the bundle of papers he’d been given after leaving his last group home.
Then he’d grown strangely quiet, and wandered aimlessly around their apartment for an hour, carrying his phone around with him and switching between a half-dozen different YouTube videos before deciding to bake brownies at 1am and burning them when he got distracted playing video games. He wasn’t paying much attention to the video game, either, going by his cursing as he got repeatedly blown up by what Xingchen suspects was a twelve-year old somewhere in Japan, and eventually gave that up to go take apart their toaster in the interest of “fixing” it.
Now he sits beside Xingchen, jiggling his leg. Xiao Xingchen wants to ask him about his birth certificate, but he hadn't dared to last night, and doesn’t dare now.
“Ticket 9755, now being served at Window 26.”
“Weren’t you 9754?” he asks Xue Yang.
“Oh, crap—” Xue Yang jumps to his feet and rushes to Window 26, brushing past a mohawked man holding a ticket marked 9755. “I’m 9754.”
The woman behind the glass may as well have been carved from wood. “You missed your number.”
“There was no announcement!”
“Or your number isn’t working. It’s not showing up on my computer.”
“What the hell does that mean? I’m on the screen! Look!” Xue Yang jabs a finger at the screen above the booth. At the bottom of the list it reads Ticket 9754 – Window 26. “9754! Window 26! All you need to do is take my picture—”
“Get back in line. Get a new ticket. Window 13.”
“Get back in line?” He looks over at the line for Window 13. It wraps around the entire room. “I already have a number! I’m on the screen!”
“Back. In. Line.”
“Just take the damn photo—”
Xingchen lays a hand on his arm. “Thank you, ma’am. We’ll get back in line.”
“Like hell we will! I’ve been here since 5 o’clock—I made an appointment! I even brought my own pen! You ever watch Monsters Inc.? You know Roz? Are you her evil older sister? Because you look exactly like—”
“Back of the line.”
“Younger sister, then. Happy?”
The woman doesn’t bother shrugging. “You’re blocking traffic.”
Xingchen begins to move, heading in the wrong direction. Xue Yang has no choice but to follow or else let him walk into a column plastered with posters emblazoned with, Make your visit easy - download the forms at dmv.gov! , Streamline your visit - make an appointment online today!, and We’re here to help!
“Let’s just go home,” says Xue Yang. “The gray, water stained walls are starting to close in. At any second I expect a giant ball to roll towards us. Well, wrong movie—whatever. I’m sick of this place. It’s cursed.”
“We’re just going to have to come back, and you’ll have wasted the hour we already spent here.”
Xue Yang groans and gets in line behind a woman with three small screaming children. “This whole thing is stupid. We can barely afford rent, let alone a car."
"We will, one day. Besides, it's good to have a license."
"We’ll just take trains and buses everywhere, or you can learn to drive. We'll fudge the vision test."
Xingchen laughs. Xue Yang relaxes slightly at the sound. After a moment, Xingchen slips his hand in his. He’s not one for public displays of affection, but there’s an edge in Xue Yang’s voice that has nothing to do with his return to Window 13.
Xue Yang’s hand tightens in his, and Xingchen rubs it reassuringly with his thumb.
“You again?” says the woman at Window 13 when they finally make it there, twenty minutes later.
“That power-mad dictator at Window 26 wouldn’t take my picture.”
The woman tilts her head at Xue Yang. “She wouldn’t?”
Xue Yang tilts his head back at her, as if to say, I know! Who wouldn’t want to photograph me ?
She smiles, a synthetic smile that reminds Xue Yang of his friend Lan Xichen’s dimpled little fiance. “Strange.”
“ ‘Strange’? I knew she could have just done it had she wanted to—”
The woman blinks at him, her smile growing faker by the minute. “I’m sure what she told you was accurate.”
“Sure, and there is no war in Ba-Sing-Se—”
Xiao Xingchen squeezes his hand, and Xue Yang stops talking and passes her his form. She stamps it a second time and hands him another ticket.
He and Xingchen return to the waiting area. Xue Yang puts his boots up on the seat next to him, resting his head on Xingchen’s shoulder.
“Describe the room to me again,” Xingchen says, trying to distract him from his brooding and, with any luck, keep him from taking out his Swiss army knife and carving his initials into the seat and get them kicked out again. Xue Yang has a talent for describing things, and Xingchen has been trying to encourage him to start writing.
Xue Yang begins to play with his long sleek ponytail. “Purgatory’s antechamber. Humanity’s lost-and-found. A void where time has no meaning. Pit of despair and industrial cleaner.”
Xingchen chuckles, making sure it’s loud enough for Xue Yang to hear.
“If their posters were honest, they’d all be in Comic Sans font, with things like, Where hope goes to die; This is your home now; Nothing escapes our pull, not even time; Human sacrifices while you wait—”
“Human sacrifices?”
"Yeah, I think so."
A crackle of static over the speaker as a new song comes on. “You know you love me, I know you care...Just shout whenever and I'll be there….”
Xue Yang starts up violently, but Xiao Xingchen gently pulls him back down beside him. “Some kind of cannibal conspiracy?” he asks, hoping Xue Yang’s knife has remained in his pocket and is not seconds away from being embedded in a blaring loudspeaker.
Xue Yang settles back against his shoulder. “I’m positive Overalls Guy never returned from Window 17. He’s probably in the office barbecue pit.”
“This must go all the way to the top. Shift supervisor too, I’d guess.”
“Baby, baby, baby oh….Like baby, baby, baby no….”
Xue Yang stops playing with his hair and starts picking at his black nail polish. He’s feeling a bit better, Xingchen’s shoulder warm and solid. “I swear that Roz lady put a curse on me. They all probably dance in a circle around a stack of burning Social Security cards every night, chanting.” He squirms, suddenly bored. “You got any more food? I’m starving.”
Xingchen rummages in his fanny pack. “Just a burned brownie.”
“I swear I set a timer!"
The timer had gone off while Xingchen was in the shower last night. Xue Yang had simply ignored it, too absorbed in trying to virtually blow up his twelve-year-old nemesis. He tends to ignore timers while cooking, usually followed by a mad rush to the kitchen to salvage dinner. “You know dinner is ready when the smoke detector goes off,” he likes to say.
Xue Yang sniffs the crumpled foil surrounding the charred black brownie chunk. “Is this the same foil I wrapped your tuna sandwich in yesterday?”
“We only have one earth!”
“Xingchen, I swear—” Xue Yang stops, rolling his eyes fondly. He’s never met anyone who can be so annoying and endearing at the same time.
Xingchen takes the brownie back. “I'll eat it. I like the burned bits.”
"It's all burned bits."
"Exactly. Perfect."
“She knows she's got me dazing, 'cause she was so amazin'....And now my heart is breakin', but I just keep on sayin'....”
“Who wrote this? I swear I won’t hurt them. I just want their address.”
Xingchen knows he shouldn’t laugh at that, but he can’t help it.
They sit there for another half hour, talking. Xue Yang has succeeded in denuding the nails of his left hand when his number is finally called. He gets his photo taken by a man with glazed eyes and no chin, and is shuffled off to the next waiting area.
“They refused to show me my photo,” he says as they settle back down. “I swear the camera stole my soul and is using it to power the fluorescent lights. I feel at peace now. Kind of floating.” He discovers a piece of gum in his jeans pocket and begins to loudly blow bubbles, making full eye contact with the annoyed Bluetooth Guy and irritated Woman With Facial Tattoo Of Bugs Bunny. “I am one with the DMV demigods, part of something larger than myself.”
“Like joining the army.”
“Or drowning in the ocean.” He lays down with his head in Xingchen’s lap, boots on the edge of Bluetooth Guy’s seat. “Why does your fanny pack smell like patchouli? Have you been burning weird hippie incense again? You promised you’d stop after you set fire to your curtains.”
Xingchen would rather Xue Yang didn’t semi-cuddle him in public, but Xue Yang’s energy is calmer when he’s touching Xingchen, and he lets him stay. “It’s that new candle you bought me, remember?”
“Right. Bought you.”
“What do you—”
“I thought it was peppermint.”
Xingchen bites his lip. Xue Yang is…well, he can read well enough to pass a driving test, but his education was…slipshod at best. Next on Xingchen’s list is encouraging Xue Yang to get his GED.
“You smell like a music festival,” says Xue Yang. “I must have grabbed the wrong one in the store. I sniffed all of them. My picture is probably hanging beside the register of every Bath & Body Works in town: ‘Beware the Candle Perv’—”
“At least someone was willing to take your picture.”
Xue Yang laughs. Xingchen rests a hand on his chest, heedless of the people around them. He likes how Xue Yang feels when he laughs, his whole body shaking, making no attempt to hide his feelings. Xue Yang makes him laugh so often, it’s a special joy for him to return the favor.
They’ve been there almost two and a half hours when Xue Yang’s number is finally called. As if the DMV curse is kicking in again, the loudspeakers creep up another few decibels.
“Like baby, baby, baby no, like baby, baby, baby oh, thought you'd always be mine, mine….”
“Xue Yang—” Xingchen starts before Xue Yang can say anything.
“I know, I know. This is penance for my putting that egg in Song Lan’s shoe last week. The DMV knows all. The DMV was here before us, and will be here after we are gone. The DMV—”
“—The DMV will make us wait in line again, if we don’t hurry.”
Together they go to Window 10, where a drab little man sifts through Xue Yang’s documents. “Fifties, balding, completely dead inside,” Xue Yang whispers to Xingchen.
“I’m thirty-nine,” says the man in a monotone, not looking up, “and you’re missing a birth certificate. And what’s this stain on your Social Security card?”
“Definitely not blood.”
The man stares at him with eyes that, had his life force not already been sucked out of Xue Yang by an afternoon at the DMV, would have done the job. “Current passport, or birth certificate.”
Xue Yang hesitates, then slips a folded piece of pink paper under the glass partition.
The man unfolds it with the sterling speed of a drugged snail and spreads it over the counter. He lines up Xue Yang’s Social Security card, bank statement, and birth certificate, and examines them line by line as if he’s a Bletchley Circle analyst and Xue Yang’s documents are intercepted enemy transmissions.
He looks up at Xue Yang. “Is this a valid birth certificate? There are no parent names listed, and the date of birth has an asterisk—”
“I know what it has!”
“What’s your date of birth?” The man slowly pushes his chair back. “I’m going to have to get a supervisor—”
Xue Yang slams the counter. Xingchen lays a hand on his arm. It’s a miracle Xue Yang’s knife isn’t out. “Don’t you fucking dare! This is what they do when—just Google it, okay? I don’t know what day I was born, they just put whatever date they thought was accurate—”
Xingchen swallows hard.
He had known Xue Yang had grown up in foster care, but had assumed he had been given up by his parents as a child when they could no longer take care of him.
Not—not abandoned as an infant—
“And change the fucking station!” Xue Yang adds. “If I have to hear that stupid fucking song one more time I will go fucking berserk —”
The man’s dead-eyed stare intensifies. “Sign here,” he says after a moment, pushing a slip of paper at Xue Yang.
“You want my love, you want my heart….And we will never, ever, ever be apart…”
“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Xingchen asks as they step outside. The words sound hollow, and he wishes he had simply remained silent.
Xue Yang takes a deep breath. It’s almost cool out, a welcome change from the week’s heat. “Well, we escaped. Now we just have to get help for the others. Or do we abandon them to their fates? I vote we abandon them. You should have seen some of the looks I got. It’s like they never saw someone threaten a DMV employee before, something I’m willing to bet happens a dozen times an hour.”
Xingchen takes his arm as he begins to walk. It’s easier than using his stick in the crowded city. “Xue Yang…”
Xue Yang’s muscles tense beneath his arm. “What?”
“Nothing.” He bites his lip. He’ll have Xue Yang feeling better soon enough. “What street are we on? Turn in on 33rd.”
“What’s on 33rd?”
“Just let me know when we’re there. 33rd and 7th.”
“The train’s on 36th.”
“But the restaurant’s on 33rd.”
“The what?”
Xingchen wants to smile, but is afraid Xue Yang might take it the wrong way after what happened at the DMV. For someone who does his best to project an I-don’t-care attitude, Xue Yang is surprisingly sensitive.
“What’s today’s date?” He already knows the date, of course. It’s been on his mind for weeks now.
Xue Yang’s arm grows even stiffer. “Is this a ‘you-don’t-know-when-your-birthday-is-so-every-day-is-your-birthday’ thing? Because—”
“Not at all… Remember the day we met? You made fun of my shirt—”
Xue Yang frowns at this sudden change of subject, but goes along with it. Better than talking about that damn birth certificate. “It was white, and ruffled. You looked like an escapee from a high school production of Hamlet. What was I supposed to do?”
“You crashed a motorcycle not three feet from me. An unregistered motorcycle with stolen plates.”
"I bought you coffee to make up for it, didn’t I?”
“You had them put four sugars in my cappuccino. It was undrinkable.”
“One was a Splenda, and anyway I took you to dinner to make up for the coffee, didn’t I?”
“Pizza at one of those dollar-a-slice places you have to stand at a counter to eat. I paid for it.”
“And I paid for your kombucha, whatever the heck that is.”
“And I paid for the band-aids we had to go buy after you cut yourself after playing catch with your knife.”
“You were distracting me!”
“I was quietly eating my pizza.”
“The light reflecting off your shirt ruffles got in my eyes.”
“Four dollars for the band-aids. You insisted on Hello Kitty.”
“Spongebob was also on the table." He wrinkles his nose. "I've got about three-fifty in my pocket, if you want it. But what’s your point, exactly?'
Xingchen smiles. He enjoys winding up Xue Yang, and it’s by far the most effective way to distract him when he’s in a dark mood. “Just that you better not put extra sugar in the fondue.”
“The what?”
“A-Qing read me the dessert menu. Chocolate fondue with bananas, blueberries, pineapple, and cherries. Strawberries, too, I think, and marshmallows, maybe even non-charred brownies—”
Xue Yang stops walking. “Xingchen—”
Xingchen lets go of Xue Yang’s arm, takes his hand instead. Kisses him soundly, right there on Sixth Avenue.
“Forget your birthday," he says. "We have a new date to celebrate every year." He gives Xue Yang's hand a little squeeze and kisses him again. “Happy anniversary, Xue Yang.”
*
Liked it? AO3 👉👈
Ruffle shirt reference
Obviously, Xue Yang was simply distracted by how pretty Xingchen was.
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mintaka14 · 3 years
Link
This is a bit of something that got in my way while I was working on the ML ballet AU. Turns out I still have a grain or two of Lila salt in me. Quickspinner’s Out of Your League (from the All That Remains collection) needs the credit for a bit of backstory that I had in mind here. And yes, this is Lukanette. Always.
Lila wasn’t above using her mother’s sense of guilt to her own advantage. She also had no problem with feeding that guilt. A few sighs and teary comments when her mother (yet again) had to cancel on Lila to deal with something at the embassy, or a subtle reminder about all the times Lila had been left on her own in their apartment was all grist to the mill, and Lila had to admit that it had paid off in a big way this time.
Her mother had pulled every string and favour at her disposal for Lila’s birthday party, and Jagged Stone himself was going to be putting in an appearance. Lila was jubilant.
She watched the ballroom at the embassy – how her mother had managed that one Lila didn’t know, and honestly didn’t care – filling up with her classmates and everyone she’d ever met, and she allowed herself a satisfied smile.
Of course, Marinette wasn’t there. Lila had had an enjoyable month of it, tormenting the goody-two-shoes over it, and the beautiful part was that no one had even caught a hint of what she was really doing. She hadn’t been so crass as to leave Marinette out of the party invitations, oh no! She had handed the girl a gilt-edged invite with her most charming, and insincere, smile as she made a point of telling Marinette how much she hoped that Marinette would be there. Their classmates had eaten it up with a spoon, falling all over Lila to tell her how generous and forgiving she was, given the way Marinette had been so hostile to her, and all the while Lila had smiled sweetly and watched Marinette twist in the trap.
If Marinette begged off the party, she was the bad guy for refusing Lila’s olive branch. If Marinette came, then Lila won, and she would get to watch Marinette swallow her pride and suffer all night, or crack and create drama. Either way, it was all good, and Lila had had fun making little digs and comments about the party in front of Marinette for the weeks leading up to it.
As Lila accepted everyone’s tributes and praise, greeting each new arrival with becoming diffidence and subtly trying to gauge the worth of each gift that they piled on the table at the entrance, she came to the conclusion that Marinette had decided not to put in an appearance. Her smile grew wider.
“Lila!” Alya had arrived, and swept her into a hug, surveying the ballroom, and the tables of food, with an impressed eye. Behind her, Nino grinned and bobbed his head in greeting. “Amazing party, girl. And I can’t believe you got Jagged Stone to come!”
Lila gave her a modest smile. “It’s all about who you know, and Jagged was more than happy to come when he heard it was for my birthday.” She looked around as if searching for something, and made her eyes wide and hopeful. “Did… did Marinette come with you?”
Alya shifted uncomfortably. “Er… Marinette couldn’t make it. But she asked me to wish you a happy birthday.”
Oh, no, she didn’t, Lila thought, suppressing the smirk that pulled at the corners of her mouth. Alya, you liar.
She forced her face into a sorrowful pout with just the right touch of hurt. “It’s okay. It would have been nice if we could put aside whatever this grudge is that Marinette has against me just for once, but I guess not…”
Alya and Nino smiled awkwardly. And then her mother touched her arm, a harried expression on her face as she drew Lila away out of earshot for a moment.
“Lila, sweetheart, there’s some bad news,” her mother said anxiously, and Lila felt her smile slip a little. “We’ve just had word that Jagged Stone had to cancel at the last minute.”
“What do you mean, Jagged Stone cancelled?” Lila almost shrieked. A few heads turned towards them, and Lila brought herself back under control before they could overhear. “Mama, you need to fix this. Get him back!”
“Sweetheart, I can’t. His agent said it was unavoidable, and they’re paying the late cancellation fine in the contract. At this late notice I can’t get anyone else to come instead.”
Lila let her eyes fill with tears – she’d practised tearing up in front of her mirror, but in this case the tears were very real.
“Mama,” she insisted, and the harried lines on her mother’s face deepened.
“You’ll still have a lovely party,” her mother said weakly. “The food is wonderful, and you still have the DJ for entertainment.”
“But I told everyone that Jagged Stone was coming!”
“I’m so sorry, darling.” Her head turned towards the doorway, where an aide was waving a phone at her. “I have to go take this call.”
The moment that her mother had turned away, Lila’s mouth pinched with anger and frustration, and she barely stopped herself from stamping her foot.
“Hey girl, is everything okay?”
She heard Alya’s voice call out to her, and she smoothed out her face, spinning around with artificial enthusiasm. Several of their classmates were clustered behind Alya, and she turned a smile on them as well.
“So,” Alya continued, “we’re all really excited! When’s Jagged getting here?”
Lila gave a moue of only slightly exaggerated disappointment.
“Can you believe it?” she sighed, one hand fluttering up to her chest. “Jagged had to cancel. It was last minute, and I’m so worried it’s because that awful throat condition of his has flared up again.” Her hand went to her mouth. “Oh no! You can’t tell anyone about it, no one is supposed to know, but that was why he couldn’t do the zoom call with the class last month like he’d promised.”
There was a ripple of sympathy and concern through her classmates, but then Alix made a sceptical noise at the back of the group.
“Throat condition? But you said it was sunspot interference with the internet connection.”
“No, I was trying to keep his throat problems secret-“
“It was Clara Nightingale you said had a serious throat condition, and that was why she had to cancel helping out with the charity auction like she’d told you,” Alix interrupted.
“No, that was Jagged-“
“If recall accurately,” Max spoke up, “and I do, Clara Nightingale had the throat condition. I could have Markov replay the conversation,” he added helpfully, and Lila spun around in dismay.
“No, that’s not-“
“There have been a lot of cancellations,” Alix said in growing suspicion. Lila could see the faces around her registering confusion, and there was a growing murmur as her classmates tallied things up. She had to stop this before they came to the realisation that…
“What about that interview you promised me with Ladybug?” Alya was asking her, her voice sharp. “The one that got cancelled because of an akuma, except I could never find anything about that akuma, and you never rescheduled. And that meeting that Nino was supposed to have with that director?”
Nino wasn’t saying anything, his face hidden by his cap as he stared at the floor. The muttering was growing louder now as more people were working things out and the number of promises mounted up.
“Oh my god,” Juleka mumbled behind the fall of her streaked black and purple hair. “He was right.”
“Who?” Rose asked, but Alix was talking again before Juleka could answer.
“You didn’t need to fib about Jagged Stone being here to get us to come to your party, Lila,” Alix said as the expressions turned to disgust and disbelief.
“But I didn’t!” Lila protested, and for once she had been telling the truth. “I swear, Jagged really was coming. You have to believe me!”
“I said it was a bit hinky that Jagged Stone would have agreed to play a teenage party like this,” Alix told the group around her.
“I’m not lying!” Lila insisted, her voice growing shrill as the expressions turned to disgust and disbelief. “He did a signing for Chloe.”
“Yeah, well, that’s Chloe, and the mayor himself roped him into that.”
“But my mother works for the embassy! And I saved his kitten!”
Again, Alix snorted, and Alya had her arms folded now, frowning.
“You know, I couldn’t find anything about that online, or about Jagged even having a kitten. The more I think about it, the more I wonder why I believed that in the first place.”
“You believed Marinette,” she couldn’t help the slight snarl at that name, “when she said she designed stuff for Jagged and he came to her house.”
“But she didn’t say that,” Nino pointed out. “We saw all of that for ourselves. But now I think about it, I haven’t seen anything that proves you’ve even met him.”
“But I have! He really was coming, and he was going to sing Happy Birthday to me! He just had to cancel.”
“Sure, Lila.”
After all the stories Lila had spun, and the lies and embellishments, how could it be the truth that they refused to believe? The group drifted away from her while Lila stared after them in open-mouthed shock. She was left in a spreading circle of isolation at her own party.
The only person who acknowledged her existence was the tall boy with the blue hair over near the buffet table. Lila frowned, trying to work out where she knew him from. He was older than her class, and the ripped jeans and scruffy hoodie were out of place among the smartly dressed guests, but he looked familiar, and what was he doing at her party anyway? He raised the vol au vent in his hand in an unsmiling salute.
Lila made her way over to him.
“Now, where do I know you from?” she asked with an attempt at coyness, in spite of the fury still seething through her at her classmates’ revolt. His expression didn’t change.
“We’ve met before. I’m Juleka’s brother, Luka.”
Juleka’s brother. Marinette. She had a sudden memory of the steps outside the school and an older boy with blue hair and a guitar slung over his back, coolly warning her about what would happen if she messed with Marinette or his sister. Her eyes narrowed.
He said, “I just wanted to say Happy Birthday, and I’m sorry to hear that Jagged fell through on you.”
“Jagged?” Lila sucked in a breath at that. “What do you know about Jagged Stone?”
“You underestimated Marinette,” the blue-haired boy said calmly. “It’s all about who you know, isn’t that what you said, Lila? It’s all about connections. Except Marinette’s are real.”
She let out a smothered shriek.
“Marinette did this! How could she-“
Luka was shaking his head. “Marinette didn’t do a thing. She’s been trying so hard to take the high road, and she’s not vindictive. I did warn you, though, what would happen if you threatened someone I care about again – just because I don’t want to play your kind of games doesn’t mean I can’t or won’t.”
“Then you turned them all against me! You-“
“I didn't even need to do that,” Luka said, and gave her an infuriatingly composed smile. “In the end, all I really needed to do was tell my dear old dad how you treated his favourite designer. I didn’t even have to bend the truth to do it, and the music just played from there.”
Lila’s mouth fell open. “Jagged Stone… is your father?!”
“Surprised the hell out of me, too,” Luka muttered, and finished the pastry he was holding. He dusted the crumbs off his hands.
“Connections,” Luka said, and shoved himself away from the table. “I have them too, and I’m more than willing to use them for Marinette’s sake. Thank you for the lovely party.”
He gave her a little wave and walked away, leaving her standing there in the ruins of her reputation.
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Fights and Waves
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Summary: JJ and Y/N have been fighting constantly and JJ finally decides to end it. Will John B be able to bring Y/N back to the group? Will JJ and Y/N be able to fix the relationship with each other and get back together? 
A/N: If enough people like this I can do a part two. This was in my drafts for a pretty long time and I finally decided to finish it. Lmk if you want a part two. 
“JJ, stop. Not tonight, I can’t do this tonight.” You mumbled as you rubbed your hands together. You had gotten off a tough shift and the last thing you wanted to be doing was going head to head with JJ in another argument. 
“Why not? We can’t keep pushing shit under the rug!” JJ said raising his eyebrows at you. 
“Babe, I’m tired, you look tired, and I’m sure the Pogues would rather not hear another fight.” 
“Well maybe if you would tell me what was going on with you, I haven’t heard from you in three days! You just show up here like nothing happened. I get it you have your episodes, but I was worried. Where were you?” JJ pushed. 
“I was working, my phone has been off for the past few days. I needed some quality me time. It was nothing personal and you know that.” You mumbled, rubbing your sore, aching back. 
“Yeah, yeah. Nothing personal whatever! I’m your boyfriend. If you can’t let me know what’s happening maybe we shouldn’t be together, hmm, what do you think about that?!” JJ screamed. 
“I think you’re being dramatic, it isn’t that serious Bub.” You said taking a step to him. 
“No, you don’t need to come closer. We’re done.” He said stepping out of the Chateau, while slamming the door. 
You sighed, and ran your fingers through your hair. This had been a recurring thing, every fight JJ would leave. This time it was different, he ended things. You watched with tears in your tired eyes as he sped away on his bike. 
You decided to just call it a night and went to head towards your car. 
“Y/N, hey where you going?” John B yelled. 
“I’m going to head home, just not feeling too well today.” 
“Where’d JJ go?” Kie asked. 
“None of my concern anymore, I guess.” You mumbled wiping another tear. 
“Hey, wait what?” Pope questioned as you shut your door. 
“I’ll see you guys when I see you, but JJ will always need you guys more just like you’ll always need him more.” You smiled sadly and drove off. 
................................................................................................................................ 
It had been weeks of the pogues trying to meet up with you and trying to call or text, but all of their attempts were left unanswered. 
You’d started working more at a new shop that opened up and they of course never shopped there since they’d prefer to get their surf gear from a local shop and not a corporate one. You quit the wreck and apologized to Kie’s parents. You changed your number so you didn’t have to feel guilty about the numerous messages you were ignoring, but your hopes for the guilt to go away were unanswered it was still very much there. 
“Hey, Y/N. There’s some people here to see you.” Your mom said as she opened your door slightly. 
“I’m not feeling too well, can you have them come by another day?” You questioned as you rubbed your eyes. 
“I’ll let them know.” She said smiling sadly. 
You stared at the picture of you and the Pogues and threw it on the ground. No need for it to be on your bedside table anymore. 
Your bedroom door opening startled you and looked up with wide eyes at John B. 
“Hey it’s just me.” He said softly. 
“I’m not feeling well.” You mumbled looking away. 
“Y/N you’re like my sister. I know you. You’re not sick, you’re sad.” He said as he sat next to your frame. 
“JB I can’t, JJ needs you.” You said with a break in your voice. 
“I think you need me more.” 
You looked at him with tears in your eyes as he pulled you into a hug. 
“I-I can’t. I’m so sorry.” You sobbed.  
“Shh, let us in. You can’t block us out forever.” 
“I love J, I just can’t end up like my mom and my dad. They constantly fought, dad turned abusive, left and felt a better family. I can’t do that with him! JB I can’t!” You said through hysterics. 
“Hey, hey it’s okay,” he said pulling you on his lap and rubbing up and down your back.
“You and J won’t end up like them I promise. Things just got complicated. There were a lot of stressors for everyone and JJ took it out on the wrong person.” He said, rocking slightly.
You stifled a sob and leaned further into him.
“Are you hungry? Sarah said she’s drop some food off with your mom. I told her I was gonna spend the night.”
“I’m okay.” You mumbled quietly.
“I’m gonna get you some food I know you haven’t been eating like you should.”
You sighed and let your mind race as you listened to your best friend’s breathing.
................................................................................................
“I’m just gonna sit this here. Thank you John B. She really needed this.” Your mom said smiling at the boy.
“Of course, Ms. Y/L/N. She’d do the same for me so I have to do the same for her. She’s the little sister I never had.” He smiled back.
Your mom smiled and placed the food down and left the room.
“Okay Y/N/N, come on time to eat,” he mumbled into your hair quietly.
You sighed and leaned away from his chest.
“Got you some chicken parm. I know it’s your favorite.”
You gave a soft smile and grabbed the takeout box he was offering. 
“Get a movie and put it on please. We’re going to eat and talk and then go to sleep. Okay?” He asked.
You sighed and nodded as he left the room.
He walked back in with TV trays and set them up and then moved the food onto them.
You put Hercules in and smiled as you sat back down.
“Alright so why did you decide to leave? No contact, no response, nothing.”
“I-“ you started and set your fork down. “I couldn’t let JJ have the option to not be with you guys. I know when he starts spiraling he needs someone. He needs them in those first few days or weeks. When I spiral I don’t even realize I am, so I just handle it when I notice. I could help myself but JJ needed your guys’ support.”
“You need our support too. When you’ve spiraled in the past I’ve always been here. You can’t place JJ’s happiness above your own. You can’t fix JJ while you are falling apart.” John B said biting into his burger.
“You were there after I handled it for a while I got through the bad. Just needed the last few pieces put back together. JJ deserves you guys. I can’t keep him from you. I can’t make him choose to see me with you guys or just not come around. If it came down to me or JJ needing to leave the group it would have to be me.” You said sadly.
“You can’t do that. Listen if it was you or JJ it would be both of you. We would split our time. But that’s not the case. JJ came back that night devastated you were gone. Screaming and crying. He tried to break everything he could, he knew he messed up. He wants to fix it.” John B sighed.
“I can’t promise I’ll take him back immediately, it’s not the same anymore. There’s things we both could fix and that’s not gonna happen with the relationship we have. I can’t be the reason why, if JJ and I were to get married and have kids, that my kids have emotional trauma from seeing a parent be verbally abusive to the other. JJ and I are borderline abusive now.” You said fighting back tears.
“Y/N/N. You won’t end up like your dad. Okay?”
“John B I’m not saying I would I just don’t want that to be the course that could happen. Taking a break will be good for us. I’m not saying I won’t try, because believe me I will. JJ is it for me and I know that.” You said pushing your plate away.
“You wanna go surfing with them tomorrow and have a marsh day?”
You nodded and gave him your new number to put in a group chat with them.
“You aren’t gonna eat anymore?”
You shook your head.
“Haven’t been too hungry lately.” You sighed and gave your attention to Hercules.
................................................................................................
“Wake up, sleepy.” John B said shaking you.
“Leave me alone JB. It’s too early.”
“We’re going surfing for sunrise.”
You sighed getting up and seeing it was 4:50am.
You pulled your closet open and pulled out a bathing suit and a pair of shorts and a tank top.
“Did you bring stuff?” You questioned.
He nodded his head.
“You can change in here, I’ll be in the bathroom gotta make myself look semi-approachable.” You said as you shut your bathroom door.
You stripped off your old clothes and quickly shaved and showered. Washed your face, brushed your teeth, did your hair, and finally pulled your swimsuit on. You sighed at your reflection noticing the spots that were thinner. You just decided to throw your tank top on and find different shorts to wear.
“Hey you ready?” John B questioned.
“Yeah one sec. Need to find my swim shorts.” You said digging through your closet.
You found them and slipped them on and followed John B out of your room.
Scribbling a note to your mom you left and took your car to the Chateu to grab the Twinkie and JB’s board.
“You ready to see him?” He questioned.
“Absolutely not, but it is what it is.” You said with a small laugh.
He nodded as you began your drive to the beach.
You arrived after what felt like years but was really only a few minutes. You could see Kiara and Pope but no signs of JJ.
You prepared yourself and grabbed your wetsuit and board and followed JB.
“Heyy.” You said awkwardly scratching your arm.
Kiara pulled you into a hug and Pope quickly followed.
“Don’t do that again.” She scolded.
You sighed and nodded.
“We have a lot of catching up to do. But we can surf and have our day first.” Pope smiled.
You nodded as they rushed out to the water with their boards. You slowly put your wetsuit on and allowed John B to zip it.
“Don’t freak but JJ just got here.”
You nodded and turned to the boy.
“Hey.” He said softly.
“Hi.”
“I’m sorry. I know it was wrong, you had a lot on your plate and I shouldn’t have yelled at you. Guess we just know the right buttons to press.” He said sadly.
“I’m sorry too. I should’ve give you an explanation and not just expected you to understand. I do think it’s best we stay apart for a while. Fix ourselves and then maybe try again if it’s feeling like the right time and everything feels right.” You said.
“I agree.”
You smiled and led the way to surf with your friends.
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extasiswings · 3 years
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How we feeling clowns?  Wrecked?  Anyway, here, have an episode tag for both the crossover and Buck Begins.  Also on ao3.
Eddie’s driving nearly on autopilot, the roads familiar as they get closer and closer to El Paso. Part of him almost wishes he hadn’t taken the driving shift to get them to his childhood home, even if it made the most sense—he can feel the tension in his jaw and shoulders creeping in, curling tighter with every mile they come closer, and his fingers itch for his phone, for the commiserating sympathies of his sisters who understand what he’s likely to walk into much more than Buck or Hen. 
Technically they could have skipped the detour. Eddie hadn’t even planned on telling his parents he was coming to Texas at all—it was Christopher who let it slip, and then Eddie had been immediately put on the spot and he hadn’t been able to come up with a good way out of stopping by after his weak deflection that it wasn’t a social trip was met with well, you have to stop and eat somewhere, don’t you. 
Sophia told him to lie and say the department said no. But she’s always been much better at lying to their parents outright than he is. Adriana shrugged and said if he didn’t want to go he didn’t need to give them a reason and should just say he wouldn’t be coming. But then, that’s her tactic as well and always has been—putting her foot down to establish hard boundaries, forging her own path and bucking all expectations.  Eddie’s always fallen somewhere in the middle, which he supposes is fitting—struggling to set boundaries, often getting there only when pushed, wanting approval but lacking Sophia’s talent for gentle manipulation that usually leads people to think that whatever she wants was their idea. 
So. Here he sits. Driving to El Paso. 
“Eddie?”
He blinks and clears his throat as he registers Buck’s voice, the edge of concern that says it’s not the first time Buck has called his name. 
“Yeah?”
“I was going to ask if you could pass back the aux cord,” Buck says. “But now I think I should ask if you’re okay.”
Eddie glances over his shoulder—Hen is in the back of the truck, head pillowed against the window, dozing with her eyes closed.  He swallows. 
“It’s been awhile since I’ve seen my parents is all,” he replies. “And usually when they call it’s to talk to Christopher so...it might be uncomfortable.”
Buck’s voice drops. “Have you talked to them since the thing? Other than about this I guess.”
The Thing, also known as the huge fight they got into when Eddie decided that if he was going to keep working he couldn’t live at home for awhile and they tried to once again insist that he take Chris back to live with them. Like some terrible combination of the arguments they had before he moved to LA and after Shannon’s funeral, only even worse because Eddie had been raw enough over the decision to move in with Buck and let his abuela take care of Chris for awhile and really didn’t need to hear anyone tell him that choice made him a bad parent—
Sophia had been spitting mad when he told her and while he doesn’t know what she said in her own subsequent call to their parents, he knows that the next time they called him, the subject didn’t come up again.  Which, he supposes is as close to an apology as he’s ever likely to get.  
He probably could have used that as an excuse to not visit.  But then, that’s not really how they are.  Don’t apologize, pretend you don’t hold grudges, act like everything is fine, and repress until it feels like it is—the Diaz family way.  
Eddie sighs as he focuses on the road.
“Not really,” he replies.  “They’ve called Christopher every few weeks, but we’ve only talked directly...three times maybe since then?  Things seem to go south more quickly when we’re in person though so I guess I’m…”
“Bracing for impact,” Buck fills in quietly.  “I get that.”
“Yeah?”
Buck shrugs.  “I don’t talk about my parents,” he points out.  “Don’t talk to them either if I can avoid it because they always have a way of managing to just—anyway.  The last time I even called was after everything with Maddie and Doug.  Haven’t seen them since...since before I started with the 118 at least. So.  Yeah.  I get it.”
He hesitates, then adds, “You know I have your back, right?  You’re my best friend and you’re an amazing father.  I’m not going to let anybody get away with talking badly about you in front of me, even if they are your parents.”
Eddie glances back and manages a faint smile, some of the tension leaving his shoulders.  
“I’m glad you’re here,” he admits.  “Even if you did try to steal a fire truck in the middle of the night without me.”
Buck laughs and shoves at his shoulder.  “At least it wasn’t this truck.  Besides—you caught up before I did it anyway.”    
“Yeah, my Buck’s about to do something dangerous senses were tingling, couldn’t let that slide,” Eddie teases.
“Just give me the damn aux cord,” Buck shoots back, but he’s grinning.
And as they pass the next exit, Eddie feels like maybe things won’t be quite so bad.
***
Buck hates Eddie’s parents.  
It’s not the most charitable thing to think about someone you’ve only just officially met—he saw them at the ceremony when Eddie passed his probationary period, but he’d been on pretty strong painkillers at the time and Maddie had shuffled him back home as soon as possible—but he really does.
He hates the tense, anxious set of Eddie’s shoulders, hates the way his smile looks forced—it triggers the same fierce, protective instinct that rears its head whenever he gets between his parents and Maddie, and, well, he did promise, so—
He really doesn’t feel bad for interrupting the very first digs about how seeing Christopher over video isn’t the same as in person, but it’s nice to have the option and technology really is wonderful, Zoom calls must have been a great improvement from your army days, right son with—
“You know, it is wonderful isn’t it?  Did Eddie tell you how amazing Christopher is handling hybrid learning?  It’s really so great how his teachers have adapted, I can’t imagine he would have kept up so well anywhere else.”
Buck smiles brightly as Eddie’s mother’s lips thin.  Hen coughs and takes a long sip of lemonade.  Eddie blinks in surprise from across the table and clears his throat, grasping at the lifeline.
“Yeah, top of his class,” Eddie says.  
“He even has a reading group once a week with some of the other kids in his class that Eddie started to help them stay social.  I know a lot of the other parents appreciate it,” Buck adds, and Eddie rubs at the back of his neck.
“We definitely do,” Hen says, glancing at Eddie’s father as she clarifies, “I have a son Christopher’s age.  They used to play together all the time before all of this.”
“His therapist said kids are resilient, but I wanted to at least try and give him something normal,” Eddie replies, and his mother’s brows raise.
“Christopher is in therapy?”  There’s a note in her tone that makes Eddie tense and Buck’s hackles raise.
“I took him to see someone for a few sessions after Shannon died, mom,” Eddie says evenly.  After the tsunami, Buck fills in for himself.  “It didn’t seem like a bad idea to go back again to make sure he’s okay during a time that’s pretty unprecedented for just about everyone.” 
“Really, I think more parents should send their kids to therapy,” Buck interjects.  “If it’s a feasible option, I can’t see that it’s anything other than great parenting to make sure your kid has the best tools they can to take care of their mental health.”
God knows if he’d gone to therapy a hell of a lot sooner, he might not be struggling through sessions with Dr. Copeland now that he’s nearly thirty, but that’s not really the point.
“Well, some people feel those sorts of things are best taken care of within the family,” Eddie’s mother replies.
“With all due respect, sometimes the family’s way of handling problems just makes things worse,” Buck replies, his smile dropping briefly before he forces it back again.
“This lemonade really is delicious, Mrs. Diaz,” Hen jumps in as Eddie pushes his chair back and starts collecting empty plates.  “I would love to get the recipe before we leave.  If you don’t mind.” 
Startled, the older woman blinks.  “Oh.  Yes, of course.  I’ll write it down for you.”
Buck pushes back his own chair as Hen continues redirecting the conversation and follows Eddie into the kitchen where he finds his best friend gripping the edge of the sink.
“Hey,” he says quietly.  
Eddie looks over his shoulder and exhales heavily.  “Hey.”
“Sorry if I overstepped.”
“You didn’t,” Eddie assures.  “I’m just...exhausted.  And ready to get back on the road and home to my kid.”
He hesitates, then adds, “you know, my sisters would be impressed.  I haven’t seen someone manage our parents like that since they left.  I—thank you.”
“I meant what I said in the truck, Eddie,” Buck replies.  “You’re an amazing father and a great man and—it’s not right that anyone should pretend any different.  So.  I won’t let them.”   
Eddie glances at the hallway.  “Guess we have to go back eventually.  I didn’t quite think this escape plan through.”  
“Once more unto the breach?”  Buck offers.  The smile he gives Eddie is far different from the fake one he’s had up since they arrived, and when Eddie returns it, a spark returning to his eyes, it makes Buck’s stomach flip and his pulse race.
He tries not to think too hard about that.  They still have a long drive ahead of them—plenty of time to save it for later.    
“Yeah.  Yeah, okay.”
***
When they get home, Eddie barely manages to shower and plug in his phone to charge before falling into bed and immediately going to sleep.  When he wakes up, he finally checks his messages and sees several missed calls and texts from his sisters.
So? Sophia asks.  How was it?
<em>You were right</em>, Eddie taps out, and then waits. His phone rings a few seconds later. 
“I’ll save the I told you so in favor of asking if I should get Adriana on the line for an emergency Diaz sibling parental grievance vent session or if I’ll suffice,” Sophia greets. 
“It’s not that serious,” Eddie replies. “I’m okay—a little annoyed still, but...I’m okay.”
He’s not quite sure what compels him to add, “Buck was there. He, uh, he told them off about it a little actually. Politely, but that kind of polite...you know the one.”
“The one that’s basically go fuck yourself with a smile and/or plausible deniability?” Sophia fills in, and Eddie laughs. 
“Yeah, that.” He rubs at the back of his neck and leans back in his chair. “It was—he kept pointing out things about what a great dad I am.”
There’s something about the feeling in his gut that he can’t name. Something he wants to poke at, to explore, but that also makes him wary. Like a yellow caution light—it’s not a do not enter but it’s not risk free either—and he’s not sure whether it’s a risk he can take yet. 
Sophia is quiet for a moment. Then she says, “You are a great dad, Eddie. In spite of them. I’m glad you have other people in your life who recognize that too.  You deserve that.  You deserve to trust that you’re good at things, even if mom and dad say you aren’t.  You deserve to be happy, so...”
The silence that follows feels weighty.  
“What?”  Eddie asks.
“Is Buck—?”  Sophia cuts herself off.  “—nevermind.  Hey, the twins are calling, so I’ll call back again later, okay?  Love you.”
Is Buck what? Eddie wants to ask.  But he swallows it back.
“Love you, too,” he says instead.  “Talk to you later.”
As he hangs up and tosses his phone aside, his mind wanders back to that feeling.  Right up to the edge of warning lights and caution tape.  And Eddie wonders for a moment if he should—
There’s a knock at his door.  
“Dad?  You awake?”
“Yeah, buddy,” he calls back.  “Be right there.”
Later.  He can think about it later.  
***
Eddie figures it out at the worst possible time—in the middle of a five-alarm fire when Buck’s trapped inside and he doesn’t know if—
What do you do when you realize you might be in love with your best friend and they could die?
“We have to go back in there,” he says, before he can think of any reason why he shouldn’t.  “We can’t just leave him, we have to—”
“You’re right,” Bobby interrupts, and the other captain makes a noise of frustration.  
“Captain Nash—”
“You’re right,” Bobby repeats, holding Eddie’s gaze.  “We’re going to get him back.”
Maybe it’s stupid, four trained firefighters diving back into an active blaze in an unstable building with unclear direction, but Eddie can’t regret it when he sees the desperation on Buck’s face.  The relief.  The impending breakdown.
After, he’s assigned to take care of the victim and Buck’s carted off to the hospital to get checked, and Eddie thinks maybe that’s better.  It gives him time, at least.  Time to figure out what to say, what to do, whether he should say or do anything at all.  Part of him doesn’t know.  The rest is screaming I love him, I love him, I love him, wants to get his hands on Buck to verify for himself that he’s fine.  That he’s alive.  That he’s going to stay that way.
But when he gets back to the station, Buck’s parents are there, sitting at the table, and Eddie just—
He thinks about the look on Buck’s face earlier in the shift when he spilled everything, when he explained how he was apparently born just for parts and how he used to throw himself into bad situations because it was the only way to get their attention.
He could ignore them.  But he doesn’t.
“He saved my son, you know,” Eddie says, gripping the top of the staircase as the Buckleys look up.  And it’s probably somewhat insane to keep talking because he knows they don’t even know who he is, but he can’t help it because he just needs them to understand—  “Buck.  He wasn’t even working at the time, he was on medical leave and didn’t know if he would ever be able to be a firefighter again.  But he saved my son in the middle of a tsunami—my then eight-year-old son, and god knows I can’t imagine losing him, I think that would be the worst thing I could possibly go through, and I’m not sure I would survive it, but I didn’t have to because Buck saved him.  And probably twenty other people as well.  That’s just the kind of person he is.  The kind who saves people.”
They don’t say a word, so he keeps going.  “He could have died today.  Because he didn’t want to leave anyone behind.  Because he is a good man, even if he doesn’t ever feel like he’s good enough.  And he hasn’t said a lot about you, but he’s said enough for me to know that while he’s gotten the latter impression from you, he learned the former himself.  He built his life here himself.  So...I don’t know why you’re here, if you want to explain yourselves or just want him to forgive you because you feel guilty, but I just wanted you to know that.  That he’s a good man.  The best man that I know.  And if you’re proud of him for that, he deserves to hear it.  That’s all.”
Eddie walks away then, heart beating too fast, blood rushing in his ears.  
The best man that I know.  And I’m in love with him.
That wasn’t for their ears though.  
It thrums in his veins, the words caught in his throat as he showers, changes, waits for Buck to return to the station.  And when he does, Eddie almost—
But something stops him.  
“You have visitors,” he says instead.  And leaves Buck to it.
Buck finds him in the locker room after.
“So, my parents said they heard stories about me while they were waiting,” he says.  “When I asked them who from, they said they didn’t know, but that I saved their son in a tsunami—and trust me, that got a hell of a lot of questions.”      
Eddie is grateful for the open locker, the excuse to hide his face as he pulls out his street clothes.
“Yeah, well—just because they’re not going to appreciate you doesn’t mean that nobody else does.”
“Eddie.”
Eddie pulls back and takes a breath before looking over at Buck.  There’s a look in Buck’s eyes like he’s trying to piece Eddie together like a puzzle, to work out all the things he hasn’t said.  And Eddie suddenly feels exposed, far more than he had when Buck was sitting in his childhood dining room staring down his own parents.  
“You’re a good man,” Eddie says quietly.  “They should hear that.  And...someone should be willing to defend it.”  
Buck’s quiet for a moment.
“I have to go see Maddie,” he says finally.  “But maybe I could come by later?  And we could...talk?”
“You don’t have to ask, Buck,” Eddie replies.  “You know I—”  I always want you.  “—you’re always welcome.”
Buck watches him in silence for another long moment, then nods.  “Okay.  Okay, I’ll see you later then.”
It’s hours before there’s a knock on the door.  Hours in which Eddie burns dinner and then orders takeout because he’s too busy thinking, hours that he spends trapped in his own head, thinking through all the worst case scenarios, through every what if of how things could go wrong.
But also how they could go right.
And by the time he opens the door, he’s almost ready to just let the words trip off his tongue, but before he can, Buck says—
“Please don’t tell me I’m wrong about this.”
—and kisses him.
Eddie freezes, but before Buck can pull back, he slides a hand around the back of Buck’s neck and kisses him back with everything in him—every bit of thank god you���re alive and I was so afraid and I can’t lose you that he can muster.  By the time Buck pulls away, they’re both breathless. 
“I’m in love with you,” Buck admits.  “I’ve been—”
“Me too,” Eddie replies.  “I thought—I thought you were—”
Buck kisses him again.
“I can’t believe you told off my parents.”
“Well, you told off mine, so—”
Eddie pulls Buck through the door.
“Chris is in his room,” he says quietly.  “But...you should stay for dinner.  And…”
You should stay.  Just stay.
Buck does.  
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