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prongssmrrcury · 3 years

Text

a very bleak christmas

wolfstar fic /// one shot

word count ( 6.2k ITS LONG SORRY)

fluff, not much smut

this turned out awfully long IM SORRY😭 having that said i hope you enjoy <33 ily mwahh

"you ready wormy?" james said, shutting his trunk and looking at his bed and around the dormitory to make sure hasnt forgotten anything. he looked over at the shorter boy with sandy coloured hair who was bending down apparently trying to get something he dropped from under the bed, but struggling a great deal. he nervously shot his head up giving james a weak smile and said "yes, im ready, i just dropped something here im not sure what-"

"just tell moony to fetch it for you while we're away" james said and peter just agreed and left the dormitory trailing after james with his trunk, shutting the door on his way. the gryffindor common room was emptier than usual, but the fireplace was lit with a couple of people huddling around it to shield themselves from the ruthless cold of december. despite this however, peoples spirits were as light as ever as almost everyone was departing for two weeks to spend christmas with their families, even lily evans stopped rolling her eyes every time james breathed, and started spending more time with him and ( to james' great delight) enjoying his company. speaking of lily, she was standing by the fireplace with her hair up in a ponytail with a furry winter cap on her head. james noticed her at once and made his way down the flight of stairs and tapped her shoulder softly, she turned around and gave him a warm smile, a short hug followed.

"happy holidays james!" she smiled so widely it watered james' eye. she called him james, not potter.

"happy holidays" he managed to respond, taken aback by the sudden affection she just showed him. she looked around furrowing her brows slightly then spoke, "wheres your trunk? have you not packed?"

"oh no i have! i left my trunk with peter to um, you know, come and say hi" he said the second part of the sentence quietly, she let out a soft laugh, god he just wanted to kiss her so bad. "wheres yours?" he asked quickly. she turned around slightly to show him her trunk which was standing behind her, tapping it twice.

"alright then, lets go down to breakfast, minnie wouldnt want us to be late" he told her, taking her hand and leading her out of the common room with him. he looked back at peter who was struggling with his own trunk and james' but peter just shot him a thumbs up as if he got everything under control.

"alright wormy, dont be late" he muttered. the pair of them walked down from the gryffindor tower to the entrance hall and right to the great hall where elaborate christmas decorations were encapsulating the place, giving the entire castle a more homey vibe. the four house tables were emptier than usual, james and lily made their way to the gryffindor table where they were met by a handsome boy with long hair that he managed to scruff in a very messy pony tail, and a taller boy sitting across him who seemed to find his buttering his toast to be a very intriguing activity. lily and james took seats next to them.

"morning" sirius spoke, looking at lily then at james.

"morning sirius, how are you" lily replied, who also began buttering her toast. sirius didnt respond right away, instead he eyed her then finally spoke, "oh im, im very good" it didnt really seem like it, sirius didnt seem to be in his loud, arrogant and flirtatious mood today, instead a rather dull and quiet one. lily looked at james silently trying to understand what had caused the sudden change in sirius behavior, she was met a mere shrug from james. the four of them sat in silence for the next ten minutes, no one breaking silence that seemed to have swallowed them. remus then looked up for the first time and sighed loudly, which made sirius look very attentively at him, waiting for him to say anything.

"im gonna go, im in the dorm if you want me pads. enjoy your holidays james, you too lily" he said lowly, also clearly in a dull mood in contrast to everyones mood right now. he got up and left, shooting them a weak smile before disappearing out of the great hall.

sirius watched him so closely even when he had gotten out of sight. it was common knowledge that the pair are in love and clearly fancied each other, almost everyone in school knew that. maybe its because of sirius' shameless attitude, cuddling with remus in the common room, sitting on his lap in the middle of the great hall, or pushing remus against a wall and just stand in front of him doing god knows what. the only problem was... neither sirius nor remus knew they liked each other. they obviously knew they had a different relationship than anyone else but they were so oblivious to the fact that theyre in love that it sometimes made james just want to scream it in their face.

"you okay pads?" james said mockingly, sirius had been staring at where remus left for at least ten minutes completely transfixed, he came back to his senses at once and looking abruptly between james and lily then back at his doughnut, fiddling with it slightly. he then shot james an alarmed look and said, "dont call me that james". he spoke so firmly, he knew james knew this is what remus calls him. no one was really allowed to use that nickname with him, even he and james who had a light hearted friendship that was basically based on jokes and pranks, sirius pronounced the words looking into james' eyes, which made james know he was being one hundred percent serious. james didnt respond, feeling a rush of guilt in his stomach, he just took a bite of his oatmeal.

"how are things with you two" james asked. sirius once again didnt respond right away but instead took time to ponder his answer.

"what do you mean how are things"

"you know, have you guys had a row or anything?" james asked, stuffing more oatmeal in his mouth.

"oh- um yea no. not really no" sirius hesitated a bit. the truth is that remus and him didnt have a row, but today was one of these occasions where sirius woke up finding himself on remus' bed not knowing how or why. it had happened a couple of times before and when it did, remus would immediately smile warmly at sirius and pamper him with kisses here and there on his cheek and his jaw. however, today, remus woke up a bit more shaky to the fact that he was in the same bed as sirius. he straightened his pyjamas quickly giving sirius an awkward smile and leaving without a word.

james dropped his oatmeal and looked at sirius looking serious for the first time, giving him a smile that carried something between sympathy and support.

"are you ever going to tell him?"

"tell him what" sirius said bluntly

james smirked. even lily suppressed a knowing look. sirius rolled his eyes.

"you guys are not onto that bullshit the whole school talks about right?" he asked cringing slightly.

"if the bullshit includes you and remus being blindly in love then yes" james gave a small laugh.

"literally blindly" lily mumbled, but sirius heard her and gave her a look.

"guys- hes my best mate"

"doing a lot of canoodling with your 'best mate' ?" james smirked rolling his eyes.

"first of all, what the fuck is canoodling james, this isnt the eighteenth century" he ppinted out the weird choice of wording.

"whatever, point is, people dont sleep on their 'best mates' chests every day padfoot" sirius opened his mouth to protest but james cut him again "just save your breath will you. im trying to help"

sirius sighed heavily burying his head in his hands and shaking it.

"i dont fucking know what to do prongs. fuck ugh i hate this so much why cant it be simpler" sirius' voice got weaker.

"mate just talk to him, remus cant read your mind. and its pretty obvious the feelings mutual" james tried to convince him.

"i dont know if hes into- you know, into me" sirius tried to explain. sirius had come out to the entire school three years ago so it was common knowledge that was gay.

"oh he is" lily said

sirius blinked.

"i mean, i spend a lot of time with him in our prefects meetings and in the library and stuff" she explained. sirius blinked again.

"i mean" she began again, "he talks about you an awful lot and seems to be quite fond of you" she smiled.

"look, you'll never know if you dont ask" james said again. "look at me, i had to ask lily out at least fifteen times-"

"james what the fuck this isnt the same, why are you even comparing it" sirius interrupted

"oh of course its not the same, but communication is key, no matter what the relationship is"

"yea and when i ask him out and he just says i misunderstood all his soft affectionate gestures, then stops hanging out with me because im gay and he would know i have feelings for him, that clearly arent mutual. i'll just ruin everything, and i'll lose probably the only person that likes me in this lousy world" sirius spilled, laughing bitterly.

"sirius! you know remus would never stop hanging out with you because of that, you know it!" james said, his voice getting a bit louder.

"yea but it'd be a sticky situation when your gay friend has feelings for you" sirius said, his eyes filled with tears that he wiped right away hoping james and lily didnt see that.

"sirius.." lily said lowly

"lily can you please check up on peter and help him if needs any assistance" james told her firmly, she didnt need telling twice, knowing he wanted to be left alone with sirius. she made her way out of the great hall until she was out of sight, then james look at sirius again who had his head buried in his hands once again.

"sirius i dont know whats gotten into you today, but you know damn well that neither moony or i would ever think of you any differently because you're gay. stop saying that as if its something that hinders you" this was one of the rare occasions where james was serious and firm. he wanted sirius to know meant every word that left his mouth. at this moment he heard a sniff followed by a weak sob.

"james, i sometimes wish i wanst- wasnt, you know, gay" he managed to say between sobs. james' face fell suddenly.

"no dont say that. please dont say that, you know we love you the way you are and we dont give two damns if you're gay or not" james got up and made his way across the table to sit next to sirius rather than in front of him.

"you're me best mate, i dont like seeing you like this. i love you a lot sirius and nothing your little overthinking brain comes up with could change that" he said, pulling sirius into a hug, so hard that he mightve broken a few ribs. he wasnt gonna let go before sirius does, he could stay here all day until sirius was ready to let go. he heard strong sniffs and felt his chest going up and down. sirius broke the hug after a few minutes, looking a lot more content than he had a few minutes before. james gave him his usual cheeky smile.

"your fucking snout sirius" james laughed, picking up a handkerchief trying to clean his shoulder.

"fuck off" sirius managed to laugh, sniffing again.

"thank you" sirius said quietly

"come off it, dont thank me" james smiled at him. he watched him grab a cigarette and right when he was about to light it with the tip of his wand james stopped him hesitantly. james never really liked to mother him about smoking or give him lectures about the effects smoking had, but he noticed sirius was eating less and smoking more the past couple of days. sirius shot a "what-do-you-want" look to which james responded, "um, can you please just eat something before you smoke" james said. he knew this was a touchy subject, he never liked to mention it but they were alone and he knows he's the only one sirius would listen to. sirius gave him a hesitant look, before stuffing the cigarette back in his pocket.

"just for you prongs" he rolled his eyes, taking a bite of his doughnut. james however was filled with so much joy seeing his best friend do that just for him.

"what are you smiling so much at you prat" sirius said between bites. james shook his head softly before saying, "im very proud of you sirius, i hope you know that" sirius smiled and laughed dismissively at that statement, james knew it touched him but sirius never really knew how to respond to affectionate words.

"you're very sappy you know that" sirius laughed slightly.

"whatever" james felt his cheeks go red. "anyway i have to get going before i get minnie mad on christmas" he said, getting up, swinging his backpack on his back leaving the hall.

"tell moony i say merry christmas" james called, leaving the great hall also disappearing out of sight.

later that night, james and lily departed home to spend the upcoming weeks with their families to celebrate christmas, so did most of the school. as homey and welcoming as the school felt, everyone loved going back to their family, everyone except sirius. sirius was never fond of his family, he never had a good relationship with them and all they did was make him more miserable, he would take any chance to be away from them. sirius was sat in the library that was emptier than usual (but the ceiling was enchanted to fake snow) he was sitting with two giant books opened in front of him, yellowed by age. he looked over at the books, he hadnt read a single word despite being here for nearly an hour. he came here in an attempt to distract himself from the intensifying amount of nerves and stress, however, he was so lost in his thoughts that not even that gigantic book can save him from his exhausting overthinking. he sighed heavily, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulder, shutting the books that made a loud thud and put them back in their place. sirius swung his backpack on his back and left the library making his way to the gryffindor tower. he just wanted to sleep. yes, sleep, thats what he needed. he went through the fat lady's portrait and climbed up the stairs to his dormitory, finding remus sitting on his four poster bed completely engulfed by a book. remus shot his eyes up the second he heard sirius walking in and gave him a wordless smile, going back to his book. sirius' stomach did a funny lurch.

"i was starting to think youve forgotten your way around the castle" remus said, flipping the page of his book, still reading it. sirius looked at him nervously, not sure what he meant by that.

"what?" sirius asked, he was going to take his shirt off and get in his pyjamas but stopped abruptly. he didnt wanna make remus uncomfortable around him, especially after what happened this morning. they always had a very intimate relationship though, changing in front of each other was never a problem. remus suppressed a chuckle which made sirius look at him, unsure what he found comical in this very intense atmosphere.

"you can take your shirt off if you want sirius" remus said, still poured into his book.

"how can you even see me?" sirius couldnt stop himself. remus looked up from his book and gave him a is-that-even-a-question look. sirius slipped his undone tie, unbuttoning his buttons his fingers shaking horribly for a reason he didn't understand. he knew remus was looking in his book (not that he didnt want remus looking) but he still felt like all the worlds eyes are on him. a couple of awfully long minutes passed and sirius finally was in his pyjama and got into his bed under his blanket and stared absentmindedly into the wall. remus flipped the page once again, he hadnt read a word on the previous page. how could he? he was so preoccupied by sirius changing in front of him. remus did freak out when he found himself on the same bed as sirius this morning. he doesnt know why he freaked out the way he did, its not like its the first time. he knew that this had made sirius extremely self conscious the whole day, he was wearing a very dull look. he had to make up for his unexplainable actions, he cant stand seeing sirius this upset, especially if he was the reason hes feeling like that. he couldnt stand seeing him in such a bad mood on breakfast this morning that he had to dismiss himself early. but sirius' loss of his loud flirtatious attitude was what stirred the pot for remus. he didnt walk in the dorm and try to slip in bed with remus, or get a kiss from him, or remotely try draw any attention to hismelf from remus rather than that book in his hand, which was as un-sirius as one can get.

"why were you late?" remus asked sirius, knowing hes not asleep. sirius mumbled something inaudible from his bed that remus didnt catch onto. remus furrowed his brows slightly. he shut his book and put it on the bed side table, the sound he made when he shut his book made sirius shift in his bed to face remus who was staring back at him.

"where were you?" remus asked

"in the library" sirius said simply, avoiding any sarcasm or any joking around. remus face wore a surprised expression.

"oh- by your own will?" he said with a breathy laugh.

"yea" sirius replied

"what were you reading?" said remus, sounding excited. sirius didnt exactly know why he wad being interrogated by remus about his absence.

"um, i was just doing homework"

"oh, thats actually nice pads" remus smiled. sirius' stomach did another flip at the nickname. god this was so awkward and tense, sirius thought.

"sirius are you mad at me?" remus said, going straight to the point. every muscle in sirius' body went tense and completely still.

"no" sirius said bluntly.

"sure?"

"yea"

"okay. great then. um do you wanna come lay here with me?" remus offered, this was quiet foreign for remus as it was never him who initiated anything sexual or intimate. but he was willing to go out of his comfort zone for sirius. just for sirius.

"uh- sorry moony im really tired" it pained sirius to say these words, if he was being honest, he wanted nothing more than to lay in remus' chest right now and give him soft pecks and kiss his stupid plump lips.

"oh, okay" remus said lowly. "okay then" sirius wasnt sure what he meant by that tone, and before sirius has any other second to think about it, he felt his bed dip slightly and remus climbing on him, placing himself on top of sirius with his legs wide opened around his waist. sirius felt like all the oxygen in the world had escaped his lungs.

"tired, you said you are pads? want a little massage?" remus cooed softly. he leaned down on sirius' chest undoing his pyjama buttons revealing his tattooed chest.

"remus-" sirius tried to stop him. sirius promised himself he wasnt going to do anything like that with remus because he doesnt want to make him uncomfortable or possibly hate him more, however, this is different. its remus thats initiating it. it remus that did it.

"what pads?" remus continued cooing softly, completely stripping sirius of his shirt and attaching his lips on sirius' neck. at this exact moment, sirius moaned louder than he intended. he shifted slightly in his bed and put his hand through remus' hair. remus continued nibbling sirius' neck. he bit and licked at all the right spots, leaving a soft trail of kisses all over his neck and made his way up to his chin and on his lips, where he left a soft peck. sirius however pulled remus' head back towards him to kiss him properly, remus licked sirius' bottom lip which made sirius moan approvingly into the kiss. remus slipped his tongue in sirius' mouth and deepened the kiss, he felt sirius' hand wandering around his shoulder and slipped in his shirt to touch his bare skin.

"god this is so" remus moaned breaking the kiss only to attach his lips on his once again.

"remus-" sirius stopped him abruptly. remus looked down on sirius, his eyes mobing fast between his godly features, furrowing his brows slightly not understanding why sirius stopped him. did he make him uncomfortable? was sirius really not in the mood and remus overstepped a boundry? remus felt a horrible tingling feeling in his stomach as his brain raced between all the possibilities.

"remus im sorry- i cant do this" sirius said, as soon as the words left his mouth he felt horrible, reading the shocked and bewildered expression on remus face, he looked very hurt and unsure of himself.

"oh- fuck okay im sorry" remus said quickly, getting off sirius and leaving his bed, but sirius held his arm to immobilize him and not make him leave. they stared at each other for a few seconds that felt painfully long. both of them felt confused, upset with themselves and unsure of what to do or say next.

"can you please stay" sirius said quietly avoiding remus' eye. remus didnt respond which made sirius feel a horrible pit of nerves in his stomach.

"i- i don't understand. you just asked me to stop and told me you cant do this" remus spoke lowly with a soft rasp in his voice. sirius buried his head in his hand, he was on the brink of tears, he honestly didnt know what or how to explain his confusion to remus. how could he explain it or put it in cohesive words when he himself didn't understand.

"sirius please talk to me" remus said softly, holding sirius' hand

"rem i dont know how-"

"do you trust me?" remus cut him off.

"what- yes of course" sirius said sternly.

"then please tell me how you feel"

"how i feel about what?" sirius asked

"about doing this" remus tried to explain, sirius knew at once he was referring to all the sexual stuff they do.

"remus i love it. i enjoy it a lot, i sometimes just want the day to end only to get in bed with you. i- i dont know how to word my feelings because it's honestly just all a mess inside me" sirius spilled. this was the most he'd spoken all day. remus smiled at the last sentence. "what about you?" sirius asked, feeling the same horrible pit of nerves in his stomach increase. remus however smiled.

"i do things for you pads that id never do to anyone" he said, smiling more. he leaned closer to sirius' face and brushing a few strands of his hair out of his face. "but, if you feel unsure about this, we can stop and just be friends. i'd completely understand"

"no what the fuck moony" sirius said before he could stop himself, remus looked in his eyes. "no im unsure about your feelings to me, not about my feelings to you" he tried to explain.

"you think i dont like you?" remus asked quickly.

"well not exactly but im not sure how you feel towards me". at this, remus leaned down to kiss sirius lips a soft and tender kiss. he took his time to savor every bit of his mouth he could.

"maybe this would give you a good idea about how i feel about you" he smiled at him. "we're both exhausted, its best if we just go to sleep"

"right okay. can you sleep with me?" sirius asked, remus gave a breathy laugh at his sweet request.

"yes darling i can" he said with his usual rasp apparent, getting under the blanket and spooning sirius playing with his hair for the the next foreseeable hours until both of them were sleeping.

soft sun rays illuminated through the window of the gryffindor tower and on the entire hogwarts grounds. the translucent curtains that were in the dormitory were not doing any shielding from the sun rays whatsoever. it fell gently on the two boys that were sleeping together, tangled together, their bodies almost intertwining so perfectly with each other as if they were jigsaw pieces. sirius' head was on remus' chest, remus hugging sirius' body towards him and their legs just tangled. they looked so peaceful, their chests raising and going down every couple of seconds, it was all so perfect that one could confidently bet that even their heartbeats were in sync.

an owl came knocking its beak on the window above the bed theyre on, breaking the gentle yet majestically peaceful the state they were in. sirius shifted slightly in his sleep, opening his eyes to find uninvited sunlight penetrating right through his eyeballs. the owl made another knock on the window trying to grab their attention.

"fine okay" sirius said rasply, he got up sitting upright opening the window for that stupid owl that interrupted his sleep. the owl had two parcels tied on its leg. sirius untied them and the owl flew out at once.

"whos that from?" a raspy voice spoke he immediately knew it was remus.

"um, i think its" he turned the parcel around to see if there was any name, he smiled when he saw the senders name.

"yep, its from prongs" he said looking at remus who also smiled warmly.

"well, we'll open it later, lets just get up quickly now before we miss breakfast" he said, sitting up right and sliding his legs out of the bed. the two boys changed into their normal clothes. remus got into a hand knitted sweater and pants, sirius also got into a baggy sweatshirt and sloppily tied his hair up.

"pads is that mine?" remus smiled looking at the sweater sirius was wearing.

"maybe" sirius replied with a cheeky tone.

"course it is" remus rolled his eyes. "you literally have the biggest closet out of all of us, yet youre never wearing your shit" sirius gave him a weird look.

"not that i mind it darling" remus said softly, playing with sirius' hair slightly. they both left the dormitory and walked down to the common room with the intention to leave to the great hall, however they were met by a small table that was put in front of the fireplace with breakfast food laying on it. they looked at each other exchanging weird looks.

"there was no point of making you leave the common room only to go down and eat when its only you too in the whole school" professor mcgonagall's voice spoke. she was sitting on an armchair wearing her usual green dressing gown. "well anyway, im going down to have breakfast with the rest of the teachers. you two have a merry christmas" she smiled slightly and left the common room.

remus and sirius were just left there standing stupidly in front of the food table.

"well, i guess we're not leaving. sit down lets eat im starving" sirius said sitting himself down and starting to eat toast. they both ate until they were full and just laid on their armchairs to take their breath.

"wanna open the parcel prongs sent?" remus asked after ten minutes of silence.

"uhh sure" sirius said, getting the parcels, handing remus one box and he opened the other one. he tore the wrapping and opened it, a smile breaking on his face.

"he got me a wand polishing set. oh and look, he got me some hair bands" remus laughed a little. sirius put the hair bands in his wrist.

"what are you laughing at, i love it" sirius smiled "what did he get you?"

"he got me part six of 'crows or crowns'. its my favorite book and he knows i couldn't find that volume anywhere" remus' face wore a very big smile from that present. "oh and look! he got me a vest, it's beautiful"

"i'll be wearing that" sirius said at once

"of course darling you can wear it whenever"

"remus open my gift!" sirius said with so much excitement, remus held the huge box wondering what he has inside. he stared at sirius before opening it, unsure of what will meet him when he opens it. his suspicion grew larger when he was met by a cheeky smiling sirius.

"its not gonna blow up in my face right?" remus laughed a little

"only one way to find out" sirius shrugged

"oh god" remus joked. he opened the box and the first thing he saw was a big box inside labeled 'book polishing kit' remus' face fell with shock.

"sirius! sirius is this a book polishing kit? oh my god" he was gasping. sirius felt his cheeks burn by the fond expression on remus' face.

"holy shit pads where did you get this, these are so rare and expensive" he held it close to his face examining it with so much excitement.

"shhh its a gift" sirius was kind of embarrassed fora reason he doesnt know. "theres more stuff"

remus looked inside the box and laughed out loudly when he saw at least a doesnt bars of chocolate.

"what are you laughing at! this is the muggle chocolate you told me you like" sirius said flustered a little.

"yes yes i love it" remus smiled. "thank you"

sirius shrugged, not knowing what to say in situations like this.

"um, right open my gift" remus said looking nervous. remus' gift was something a little different and not very expected, he spent a lot of time thinking whether its a good idea or not. hes so nervous for sirius to see it, he felt his stomach lurch so badly he might vomit. he handed sirius an a4 piece of parchment that was folded into quarters. sirius gave him a confused yet excited look.

"are you giving me your transfiguration homework as a christmas gift moony" he joked.

"oh shut up and open it" every fibre in remus' body was screaming in anticipation and nerves. sirius unfolded the paper and read:

"dear sirius,

i am writing this in the dormitory for the fifteenth time at least. i thought so much about this and decided that its perfect. six years ago when i laid eyes on you for the first time, you had this aura that carried so much charm, something about your stupid gorgeous personality was so seductive and made me in complete lust for you. there aren't enough words in the english language to explain how you make me feel, nothing will come close to describing how i feel when you slip in bed with me every night, when i play with your hair, when i hear your heartbeats, when i hold your hand and stroke it with my thumb, when you kiss my scars, when you sit next to me in class sit there looking pretty doing nothing. i came to the conclusion that every little thing you do has me in utter awe. no one has ever made me feel like that, for a long time i was so confused as to why and how you could do that so effortlessly. i was confused about how i felt about you for so long, i was so confused about myself, and you helped me come to terms with who i am, by being so unapologetically you. at the end of a hard day you're always there to cheer me up, even in my darkest days, when nothing felt like it'll be okay ever again, you're always fucking here to change that. the number of times you've saved my life sirius, i couldnt tell you, by just merely being here. i figured that no matter what happens and no matter where life takes me, i want to always be with you. i never want to see that day i have to depart you, i dont ever see it coming because not even the strongest force from the gods above will make me leave you. im in love with you. im so fucking in love you idiot. im in love with the way you talk, the way you tie your hair, the way you dress, the way your eyes crease when you smile, your bark like laugh, your stupid jokes that i find funny unironically, your chirped nail polish... just in love with you. so sirius, this is me asking, do you want to be my boyfriend?"

sirius read the letters at least three times to make sure he wasnt missing anything, to make sure he was reading it correctly. was remus asking him out? was remus actually in love with him? none of this felt real. sirius felt like he's seeing stars in his vision, like he was going to pass out any second right now. he looked up at remus who was staring attentively on him and watching his every reaction. he met eyes with him and felt like all the worlds oxygen was being drained.

"so?" remus asked, his voice quivering.

"so?" he repeated as if this was a incredulous thing so say, " fuck yes i wanna be your boyfriend" sirius threw himself on remus on his armchair and splattered him with kissed everywhere he could reach.

"i never thought id be the lucky person to actually end up dating you" sirius breathed

"please, im the lucky one here" remus rolled his eyes.

"i mean hell yeah you are" sirius said sarcastically.

the pair of them spent the rest of the day sitting on the armchair cuddled up with the heat of each other, sharing soft intimate touches every now and then. they spent the whole day in peace and delicacy and made the most out of each other’s company. soon enough before they knew it, the holidays were over and students were returning to hogwarts for their second term.

“hi remus! hey sirius, good holiday? how are you two?” james showered them with questions enthusiastically when they saw him come in the gryffindor common room, he seemed to be in a cheerful mood.

“yea, great holiday” remus mumbled finding himself an armchair and sitting in it. the rest followed and sat on armchairs around him but sirius sat on his lap which remus scooted over a little to make space for him. james and lily looked at each other rolling their eyes playfully but happy that theyre on good terms, unlike the last time they saw them.

“what about you two? and you wormy? how was ur holiday” remus asked calmly, playing with sirius’ hair absentmindedly.

“great we had a great a time, i invited lily and wormy over, wormy couldnt make it though. but lily and i had fun, my parents liked her a lot” james smirked looking at her. “obviously they knew her because i always talked about her to them, but they’ve never really- woah WOAH” james’ speach was cut abruptly when he saw sirius attach his lips to remus’ and remus kissed him back fondly. they all exchanged shocked looks but they werent too shocked, they knew something was happening between the pair of them.

“woah guys” james laughed as they broke the kiss apart and giggled at their reaction.

“yea um, remus and i are dating” sirius said, lookinh flustered slightly. remus was still playing with his hair softly.

“does that mea we can go on double dates?” james said at once

“james potter i am not going on double dates with you and sirius thank you very much” lily said sarcastically.

“suit yourself, james and i are going on dates” sirius shrugged

“james and you are what-“ lily looked confused but cant help a laugh.

“thats right evans” sirius said in a dignified tone.

“dont you talk to my girlfriend like that black!” remus said at once. they all laughed at the sitiuation but lily said with a serious voice, “guys im so happy for you, youre finally together” she smiled wamrly. remus and sirius scooted closer next to each other smiling back at her.

“really proud of my mates” james said, trying to keep a serious tone but smirking at the same time.

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skeezsbbygirl · 4 years

Text

heather + hwang hyunjin

hello lovelies! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

this is for anon who requested a scenario based on conan gray’s heather, and i decided to add a little twist to it (because im a big baby and i cant take the angst TT) hope you enjoy! <3

STREAM GOD’S MENU AND EASY.

You faltered as you tried to match Hyunjin's pace, your high heels making the task even more impossible aside from Hyunjin's long strides. "Fuck it," you huffed and stopped mid stride, leaning down to remove the straps of your shoes, finally sliding them off one after the other.

Hyunjin took notice of your absence and quickly looked back to where you were, your heels hanging from your hands as you were sauntering towards him barefoot. "What made you think that wearing heels is a good idea?" he questioned as he walked back to meet you halfway, turning his back to you and squatting down. "Get on my back," he offered.

"I wanted to impress you, maybe even get you to like me or look at me as something more than a friend," you mentally answered him. However, you couldn't risk to lose him, at least not over some one-sided feelings you've been sheltering within your heart for the past few months.

"You're going to regret this," you playfully taunted as you snaked your arms around Hyunjin's neck. He hooked his arm around your calves, asking you if you were comfortable before carefully standing up, bouncing you up a bit to slightly rearrange your hold on him. "Come on, (y/n). I do this for you all the time," Hyunjin joked.

"You had the time of your life at that party, huh?" Hyunjin spoke after a moment of silence. You let out a heavy sigh. "I wanted to forget someone for a moment," you replied softly, afraid that he would catch on the hurt laced within your tone. "Who?" he asked.

"You."

You've been friends with Hyunjin since diapers, basically you shared more than half of your memories and life experiences with him, even some of your firsts, which unfortunately included having your first love. Yeah, you'd date someone here and there, thinking that maybe venturing out into other men would help you get over your feelings for him, there was no harm in trying, right?

But boy were you wrong.

Instead of forgetting your crush on the said boy, it remained, worse, it got stronger. No matter how many times you tried to erase your fantasies of Hyunjin, your heart and mind were stubborn -- fixated on the thought of making your love life suffer for life because you couldn't see any other way around it.

You thought of confessing, but that didn't work out for you. Not that Hyunjin rejected you or anything, but you didn't even get the chance to pour your feelings out for the male because he introduced you to her that day.

Min Yeji, his heather.

"Hello? Earth to (y/n)?" Jeongin waved his hand in-front of your face, snapping you out of your thoughts. "What got you spacing out?" he asked, throwing an arm around your shoulder and rubbing them in a soothing manner. "I'm confessing today, Jeongin," you exhaled in an attempt to calm your nerves, "I'd rather tell him now than never."

"Listen, if hyung fails to see the beautiful person that you are inside and out, then to hell with him," Jeongin reassured. "I'll personally ask Chan-hyung to teach him a lesson if he chooses her over you," he added.

You gave him a small smile. "Thank you, Jeongin," you said.

You knew it was wrong, selfish even, for having him choose between you and her and for having to confess at such an ungodly timing. You wasted all those years trying to find him in someone else when you could've just spoken your truth. Now, you were left with fighting for a spot to stay. But you wanted to tell him everything before it's too late, before you fade away from his memories, before you get replaced.

And with that, you gave Hyunjin a call. He picked up after the second ring, greeting you and telling you that he was just about to call you as he had something that he really wanted to tell you in person too. So, you guys made plans to meet up in the afternoon at the coffee shop that the both of you frequented during the weekends.

You nervously fiddled with your fingers, growing more and more impatient as the seconds tick by, feeling as if you were about to burst any second now.

"(Y/n)!"

You perked up when you heard his voice, but your smile fell as he approached you.

Hyunjin had his arm around her waist, sporting the biggest smile, one that you've never seen on him. The sight of this Hyunjin was breathtaking, almost unrecognizable as his eyes molded into crescents and his lips curved into the most charming smile. Guess that was reserved for her, huh?

You swallowed the lump in your throat as tears threatened to spill from your eyes, but you held them in and managed to plaster a fake smile on your face, like those countless times when you needed to be strong, especially when you needed -- no, when you should be happy for Hyunjin.

"Hey," you spoke as you got up from your seat, clearing your throat seconds later as you internally cringed at how weak you sounded.

"Yeji," he turned to look at her, "Meet (y/n), my best friend," he continued as he turned his gaze towards you.

That was your first time meeting her in person, but not the first time you've heard about her. Hyunjin made it known, three weeks ago to be exact, that he had been eyeing a certain someone. You still remember that night. Hyunjin was sprawled out on your bed with his head on your stomach as you lazily threaded your fingers through his golden locks. He rambled endlessly, gushing over everything about her.

Yeji leaned in for a quick hug and you returned her sweet gesture. "It's so nice to finally meet you," she beamed. "Nice to meet you too," you replied, wanting to reciprocate the excitement in her tone but you failed. "Take a seat," you invited.

You were so set on hating her and despising her throughout that afternoon, but something in you couldn't. You now saw why Hyunjin fell for her. Yeji had kind eyes, a sweet smile, a lovely personality, and so much more of what you weren't. You wanted her to be mean, maybe to even throw a glass of water at you while Hyunjin excused himself to the bathroom, only to come back and see you soaked in water. He would defend you and leave her, then it would end with him confessing his love for you, admitting that he was so blind to see it before, but now he's changed his mind. You know, just like those dramas that you spent hours watching with Hyunjin.

As Hyunjin busied himself with Yeji, you were mostly by yourself, except those times wherein Jisung would suddenly barge into your apartment and plop himself down on your couch and insist on watching dramas with you. Although you appreciate Jisung's presence, it simply wasn't the same without Hyunjin. You were so used to him -- his presence, his smell, his laugh, and his dramatic antics. It was like you had to start over again, but this time, you were alone.

Reality hit you harder as time passed by.

"--so yeah, I'm basically waiting for Chan-hyung's approval-" Hyunjin's rant was cut off as soon as he spotted Yeji a few feet away, quickly getting up from his seat to help her with her books and bag. "Hey, (y/n)," she smiled, giving you a quick hug like always. "How was class?" you asked her, trying to make small talk as the couple settled down across from where you sat. It was only then that you noticed the sweater that she was wearing. You immediately figured that it was Hyunjin's, judging from the way it drowned her petite figure and Hyunjin might have offered you the same sweater a few winters back.

You felt a pang in your chest.

"It sucks, as usual," Yeji replied as she let out a defeated sigh. "I totally feel for you," you chuckled.

"I can do your essays for you," Hyunjin cooed at Yeji, leaning in to press a chaste kiss on her cheek. You were quick to divert your gaze to your phone, not wanting to witness the affection that Hyunjin displayed. "That's so sweet of you, Jinnie, but you have your own classes too," Yeji responded as she playfully pinched Hyunjin's cheek.

You cleared your throat as you got ready to leave because a) you didn't want to third wheel, especially when you had feelings for the said partner, and b) clearly, your presence wasn't needed. "Hey, uhm, something came up with Jisung and it looks like he needs my help," you lied. "Oh, alright. We'll see you later, (y/n)," Yeji waved and you returned her gesture. "Call me if you need anything," Hyunjin stated and you nodded.

You fought back the tears that threatened to fall from your eyes as you walked back towards your apartment. Upon your arrival, you drowned yourself with school work, not only did it distract you from your current situation, but it also aided in clearing your weekend so you could squeeze in more hours of much needed sleep.

For the next few days, you decided to distance yourself from Hyunjin. It hurts, but you needed to save yourself from further heartbreak. You no longer hung out with him, you started texting him less, and then eventually, you avoided any sort of contact with him.

"Have you seen (y/n) lately?" Hyunjin nudged Seungmin, who was currently immersed in the movie that was playing on his laptop. "Yeah, I just saw her this morning, why?" the younger lad answered. Hyunjin's suspicions were confirmed, you were indeed ignoring him. But no matter how much Hyunjin thought about your new found behavior, he couldn't rack his brain for an answer. Was it something he said or did?

He came up with nothing for the past hour or so, and that's what led him to give up and just call you. "Pick up, (y/n)," Hyunjin mumbled as he paced back and forth in his bedroom, groaning when you failed to answer his call.

This continued on for days.

"Hyunjin."

"Babe," Yeji called for the blond-haired boy's attention for the second time. "Huh?" Hyunjin snapped out from his thoughts, "Sorry, I was distracted for a second."

"It's (y/n), isn't it?" she asked. "Well, yeah. It's just that I haven't heard or seen her lately," Hyunjin answered as he lowered his gaze, thinking that his response would settle wrongly with his girlfriend. He shouldn't be worrying about another girl, especially within Yeji's presence. Hyunjin expected her to lash out, but to his surprise, Yeji gave him a small smile -- it wasn't exactly out of understanding his concerns, but more of getting tired hearing his concerns. She placed her hands on top of his, "I understand, she's your friend after all. But, you do know that my patience has a limit, right?"

"I'm sorry, love. Forget about it," Hyunjin waved his hands, a motion to discard his previous statements. "Chan-hyung is hosting a party this weekend and I want you to come with me," he invited, "The boys really want to meet you."

Yeji shook her head which earned her a puzzled look from the male. "Come on, it'll be fun," Hyunjin prompted.

"Jin, I'm not blind," Yeji snapped. Her response caught Hyunjin off guard for a second. "Look, baby, if this is about-"

"I see the way she looks at you, the way she acts around you, and the way she avoids my advances. I don't blame her, though. If I were in her shoes, I would've cut the bitch already," Yeji exclaimed as a defeated smile made its way on her lips. "But instead, she's trying to be so strong and you're so stupid to not see this. Hyunjin, you've been friends with her for years, you should know her better than anyone else, maybe even better than she knows herself," she continued, frustration evident in her tone.

"Go to her, she needs you," Yeji exhaled.

[Present..]

"Hyunjin, you can put me down now," you said as the both of you neared his parked car and the said male complied to your request, letting you land carefully on the ground.

"What do you mean by wanting to forget about me for a moment?" Hyunjin questioned, his eyebrows contorted in confusion as he faced you. "I just want to forget you, get you off my mind, even for a second," you breathed out, the amount of shots that you took at the party giving you enough courage to pursue this line of conversation with Hyunjin. You already lost him and yourself, so you have nothing else to lose at this point.

"(Y/n), what are you talking about?" Hyunjin chuckled lightly, "Come on, bub. You're my best friend," he added.

And that was your breaking point.

"Well, I don't want to be your best friend anymore, Hyunjin!" you exclaimed. "I'm tired of being second best," you sobbed as you finally allowed your tears to fall. Hyunjin's smile immediately fell and his eyes widened at your sudden breakdown, you looked so hurt, betrayed -- you looked broken.

"Second best?"

"Yeah, just like how I was tonight, right?" you snapped as you flashed him a sarcastic smile. "Since Yeji couldn't make it tonight, you were left with the me," you retorted.

Hyunjin didn't respond because honestly, he didn't know how to.

"I tried, Hyunjin," you paused, "Believe me, I tried to get over you but I can't. I'm so in love with you. I tried to blame Yeji for all of this but how can I when she's been nothing but nice to me, she treats me like a sister."

"I wish I didn't wait that long, I wish I told you sooner," you continued.

"I'm sorry," Hyujin whispered. You shook your head as held your hand up to signal him to stop. "Don't apologize so that I can hate you."

You turned away from him, not wanting his eyes on you any longer. "I need to let you go, Hyunjin," you sniffed through your tears. You started walking away, still barefoot, but you didn't even bother at this point. Hyunjin's hand caught your wrist, "I'm not leaving you, at least not like this. Let me make this right, (y/n)."

"No, Hyunjin, please," you breathed out as you tried to free your wrist from Hyunjin's grasp. "I told you I'm not leaving you," Hyunjin argued, tugging you towards him and catching you in his embrace. He wrapped his arms around you, tightening his hold on you when you tried to push him off. "Shh, bub. It's okay, I'm not going anywhere," he spoke in a hushed tone and you hated the way it soothed you, causing you to lose your strength as you eventually gave into his touch.

Hyunjin gently stroked your hair as he whispered sweet nothings into your ear. He waited until your breathing evened out and soon later, he led you back to his car. "I'm driving you home, then we'll talk," he said.

The drive to your apartment was dead silent. A million thoughts raced through your mind as you looked out from the car's window. Now that you've sobered up, you felt stupid for acting out. Did you honestly think that throwing a tantrum would make Hyunjin dump Yeji? No, you didn't think so.

"Why didn't you tell me anything?" Hyunjin asked, his voice barely above a whisper. He sat next to you as he handed you a glass of water. "I never had the chance. I was supposed to tell you that afternoon when you introduced me to Yeji," you confessed, taking the glass of water he handed you. "Did it ever cross your mind that it was unfair for me too?" Hyunjin suggested.

"I'm not making you choose, Hyunjin," you sighed. "I know you love her, I don't want to rob you of your own happiness. That's why I'm the one who's walking away," you added as you sipped on the drink, setting it down on the coffee table and placing your hands back on your lap.

The blonde-haired male shook his head in disagreement as he moved down to kneel in-front of you, his hands tentatively coming up to lay on your knees. "Can I at least have a say in this?" he asked. You bit your lip and gestured for him to continue.

"You're right, I do love Yeji," he paused, taking a moment to form the right words. "But, I love you more, (y/n). I don't want you in pain because of me and it's killing me right now to see you like this," he added as a tear escaped his eye, recalling the state you were in a couple of hours ago, but he was quick to wipe them away. "You could've slapped me that day, called me an asshole, or something," he said, "I'll choose you over anybody, any day. I'm sorry it took so long for me to realize."

You were left speechless, uncertain of what your response should be, so you opted to stay silent.

"Yeji actually knew this was coming, maybe not right away, but at some point. I didn't believe her when she told me you had feelings for me. She told me she felt it the moment she met you in person," he explained, "So, we thought it would be the best to part ways and that's why she didn't come with tonight."

"I'm sorry," you muttered, keeping your eyes on your lap, finding a sudden interest towards the hem of your dress as you fiddled with it. "No, baby, don't be," Hyunjin replied, tucking a loose strand of your hair behind your ear. "I guess what they say is true, huh? You never appreciate what you have until you lose it," he admitted.

Finally, you mustered the courage to meet his gaze. "You'll always have me," you said. "Good, 'cause you'll always have me too," Hyunjin gave you a small smile. You pulled him up from his position, guiding him to sit beside you. Once Hyunjin was seated, you wrapped your arms around him, burying your face into his dress shirt. His scent quickly filled your senses, making you feel at home and protected, a feeling you hadn't had in a while.

"Let me make this right, yeah?" Hyunjin spoke as he held you close, one hand patting your head gently and the other rubbing the small of your back. "Yeah, okay," you agreed.

"She may be Heather, but you're (y/n), my (y/n)."

721 notes · View notes

bubsdolan · 3 years

Note

Hiii so this is a suuuper sensitive topic and it’s ok if you don’t feel comfortable writing about it, but my one year anniversary of my r*pe is next week and I was wondering if you could write something w gray? Maybe just friends but they both know there’s feelings there but reader is scared cause, in my case, my first ever date w a guy was w the man who a**aulted me & it’s also been my one s*xual experience and I’m scared of men lmaooo it’s ok if you can’t tho I’ll luv u always and no matter what <3

{baby, having spoken to you privately and having you open up to me the way you did, i hope you know how strong you are. how brave and so incredibly special i know you are. thank you for trusting me and putting all your faith in me to deliver something that you can use to help you cope in a way. i love you and im here whenever you need🍒 sorry it’s so late}

{trigger warning- sexual assault}

you had been keeping yourself to yourself all day, avoiding calls and texts from everyone closest to you as you harboured your deeper most inner feelings that often send your mind spiralling out of control. your demons working a mile a minute as you relive the events that unfortunately occurred a year ago today. a secret you had yet to tell anyone, in fear of not being believed or for how people could potentially perceive you.

it was the year anniversary of the day you got sexually assaulted after your first ever date with a guy you forced yourself to forget the name off. all memories of him were erased besides the feeling of his dirty, unconsensual hands on your body. the face of a devil hovering over you maliciously as you begged and pleaded with him to let you go. you never truly recover from that sort of trauma and over the last few days, the feeling of dread and fear had slowly been creeping its way back into your life where it didn’t belong.

you were meant to be spending the evening with your best friend, grayson. you both made a pact at your naive age of 14, that once a week you would both go out and do something spontaneous. a pact you both refuse to break serval years later, wanting to make the most of what life has to offer. but in your state of mind, there was nothing worse than putting on a brave face, especially for someone who could read you like a book, and lying to yourself and others around you about how you were really feeling.

although grayson dolan was your childhood bestfriend, and at times your only companion, your relationship was more than that. it was deeper and held a different spark than when you were kids. you were the happiest when with grayson, something about being around him made you feel at ease, at peace with yourself and most importantly safe. you har a flirty relationship, always cuddling when watching movies, being quite handsy with each other any chance you could, but you both were to scared to push the boundariesof anything more- you more than grayson.

you were getting ready to wallow away in the comfort of your bed, surrounded by snacks and your favourite netlfix shows as you needed an escape. you needed to escape the prison of your own mind, as well as the world around you. however, you were pulled back into reality at a startling knock at your door. a knock you knew all too well.

coming face to face with gryson, the one face you needed to see but also feared in this moment, you sigh in defect and reluctantly let him inside your apartment. you could instantly see his face relax at the sight of you. after not answering any of his calls and texts for serval hours, he was starting to panic, his mind running away with thoughts of something bad happening to you. he couldn't live without you and the very notion of it made his heart bleed.

“bubba-” you melt at the nickname reserved for grayson and grayson alone. he was so blindly unaware of the affect he had on you, that even something as simple as a term of endearment coming from his lips, was enough to set you into a pool of your own tears.

grayson is by your side in seconds, slamming the door with his foot as he holds you in his embrace- an embrace you needed now more than ever. he’s shushing your whimpers, running his fingers tips through the ends of your hair as he rocks you back and fourth with his body. he lets you cry, his heart breaking at the sound, wanting nothing more to take away your hurt and pain, although not knowing the real cause behind it.

you collect yourself, whipping your bloodshot eyes to try and hide any signs you were weak, but grayson knew you better than you knew yourself. he knew something was deeply wrong, but in his mind, he came up with the conclusion that it had something to do with him. his suspicious only growing when you push him away, creating a painful distance between the two of you as you wrap your arms around your body in protection. from what- you didn't know, grayson was and always will be your protection.

a sigh leave yours lips the minute you see grayons face drop, his lips setting into a devastating frown. his eyes welling up with his own tears at the thought of you not wanting him anymore. you were pushing him away without realising it and it broke him. “why are you here, grayson?

“im here for you, bubba. you weren't answering any of my calls or texts, i was worried about you.” grayson steps closer in hope you would drop your facade, in hopes you would run into his arms and live the happily ever after you both crave and deserve.

“im fine. you can go now. please.” your voice cracks slightly and yet again you take a few steps back, holding your hands in front of your body as an attempt to stop graysons movements coming any closer to you.

“what are we y/n? one minute you want me and the next you can’t stand to be near me. now your completely shutting me out. if i did something wrong please- please tell me. i cant handle the silence, the tears, the absence. im right here, you have me- all of me. but you gotta let me in.”

at his confession, a confession you have longed to hear, you’re breaking. sobs raking over your body for the second time tonight that tells grayson this is bigger than him.

“im scared, gray, im so fucking scared. im terrified of letting you in because the last guy i did, he- he.” you break down in his arms. not having to go into detail about the trauma you’ve faced because grayson is doing what he does best and protecting you. leading you to sofa, lifting you onto his lap so your legs are straddling his hips. you cry into the crock of the his neck, his arms securely fastening around your waist as he lets you burn out all of all the tears you needed to cry.

“did he hurt you?”

no answer. your eyes shifting uncomfortably from his face to his lap. your fingers fiddling with his shirt as you try your best to avoid his question. one that would open up a can of worms you weren’t sure he was ready for.

“did he lay a finger on you, baby, please i need to know what happened so i can help you. i lo- i care about you and i hate seeing you in pain.” you can hear the hurt and desperation in grayson’s voice, something you wished to never hear or be the cause of again.

and so you tell him, everything. from the talking stage with your abuser, to the events before and after your assult. you can feel his body tense beneath your own as the words leave your lips. he wanted to kill the arsehole for laying a finger on his girl, for betraying your trust and breaking such a beautiful creature, ripping the life and soul from you. but more importantly- he was angry at himself for not seeing the signs sooner. for not noticing the way you flinch whenever he or another male trys to touch you, or how you cower into a shell of a human whoever someone raises their voice at you. he was beating himself up mentally at how he wasnt there to protect you, to love you and stop any harm coming your way like he promised 14.

grayson sits in silence, staring ahead at the wall, taking in every piece of information you share. his arms tighten around you body, his jaw locked and body tense as his eyes shoot with rage. he’s keeping himself calm for your sake. the feeling of you wrapped safely in his arms is the only thing stopping him for not hunting down that bastarrd and ending his life. you ground him.

grayson heard enough, your words eating him alive, not able to listen to the tragic events an angel was put through. and before you know it, his lips are on yours. a sweet sensual kiss that takes you by surpirse but has you kissing back almost instantly. this was everything you needed, everything you hoped and dreamed of, but once again your mind and self deprecation took over. you pull away, breathlessly. leaning your forehead agasint graysons as he brings one hand to rub soothly across your cheek bone, eyes burning into each other’s as you silently confess what should have been said a long long time ago.

“consider this my spontaneous adventure of the week but i love you, y/n, more than i could ever love anyone. and i swear to you, hand on heart, i will never let anyone hurt you again. s’got you, baby. it’s me and you forever, till the end of time- fuck i- i need to kiss you again.” grayson interrupts his ramble, leaning forward to peck your lips once, twice, three times as he becomes addicted to the taste of you. so high off the love everyone knew you shared so each other but took the pair of you longer to admit.

“please don't hurt me.” you whisper, the words rolling off your tongue before you fam stop tjem. just needing the reassurance that grayson will live up to all your expeditions, even exceed them. but also that history won’t be repeating itself.

“baby, cross my heart hope to die, id never lay a finger on you in that way. you’re safe with me, y/n, always have been, always will be.”

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evgneedstosleep · 3 years

Text

The light behind your eyes | part 2

TW: alcoholism, abandonment, accidental misgendering

Schlatt held onto the partially soaked box as he ran through the rain. The streets were empty, deserted of any form of life, as Schlatt's breath formed clouds in the air. The sound of his shoes clicking on the cobblestone pavement soon morphed into the quiet slush of mud as Schlatt exited the village and entered the deep dark oak forest.

Schlatt was shaking from the cold and he pulled the box he held in his hands closer to his chest as he sped walked through the forest. It was freezing and he was soaking wet, but nothing will stop him from reaching his destination. He slightly opened the box and looked into the eyes of his baby daughter peacefully sleeping, wrapped up in blankets. She looked just like her father, curly brown hair and deep brown eyes. Schlatt smiled at her as he kissed her forehead and continued walking through the dark.

Eventually the goat hybrid reached his destination - a small cottage in the middle of nowhere. By the end of the almost hour long walk through the forest, he was completely covered in water. Droplets of water slid down his face and throat as he walked up to the front door of the house.

Schlatt had noticed the owner of this cottage a while back in the village, most notable to him were the three kids that always surrounded him. They always seemed so happy. Schlatt hoped that Toby will also be happy with them. He gulped as he looked at the door in front of him.

He opened the slightly soaked box and looked at his precious daughter. Tears mixed with rain slid down his face as he smiled at her. He will do anything to make her happy, even if it means letting her go.

When Schlatt had just found out that the girl he had accidentally knocked up at a random party was pregnant with his child, he was beyond terrified. He was no father?! He was just a guy in his 20s with a slight alcohol consumption problem! He definitely was not prepared to raise a child. But he still found himself standing with the little kid in his arms as the child's mother drove away, never to be seen by him or the kid ever again.

The first feeling Schlatt felt was anger. Why the fuhk should he care about some little gremlin that happened to share half his dna??? But then the little gremlin grabbed Schlatt's finger and did the most adorable fuhking thing ever.

It fuhking giggled.

And in that exact moment Schlatt realized he was horribly fuhked.

They lived together and Schlatt was exhausted with being a new found dad, but he really couldn't be happier. The kid brought light to his nights and he stopped drinking, not completely, but he was doing way better than before the kid entered his life. He named his daughter Toby cause Toby is a fuhking cool ass name and im naming the fuhker whatever I want.

Toby grew on Schlatt and Schlatt was doing his absolute best to be the best dad, so when she grew up, Toby could buy him one of those mugs that said 'World's Best Dad' and he'd saw how stupid it was but his heart would swell with happiness.

But, of course, Schlatt's life was never and will never be perfect, because god can't ever let the poor hybrid dad live in peace.

Schlatt didn't have the best paying job but it was enough to provide for the family of two. But then, out of nowhere, the owner of the little farmer's shop died, and he was left jobless.

He searched and searched for a job, but no one wanted to take him, since he was a goat hybrid.

He didn't give up though, he continued his search, but his savings started to run dry and the stress of it all caused him to relapse and now the money was dwindling away at a more significant rate.

Schlatt knew he was fuhked in the ass now.

He would cry himself to sleep, he knew he couldn't provide for his daughter anymore, he knew that he would probably never get a job with his stupid horns, in this city at least.

So he started to look for another way out. Since he couldn't provide for Toby maybe someone else could. Even though it felt like someone stabbed his abdomen anytime he thought about giving Toby away, it was the only way out. Schlatt wasn't stupid.

And he wasn't stupid not to notice the blond man who walked with his 3 adoptive sons through the small village like he owned the place. The kids were not thin, which meant that they were fed well Schlatt noted, the guy looked happy around the three kids so he was most likely an okay dad. That was better than most father's in this village.

So the blond haired dad it is.

And so here Schlatt was, standing at the doorstep of his daughter's future dad's house at 3 in the morning.

Tears continued rolling down his face and down his neck as he looked at his daughter and imagined a better future, where he could've been able to give her the life he never had. A future where he saw his daughter go to kindergarten, saw her graduate, get married or something. But no.

Life just finds away to fuhk shit up.

Schlatt cupped Toby's cheek and he pressed one final kiss to the girl's forehead as he gently set the box down.

' Promise me, that when you grow up, you're gonna be happy, okay? Okay, Toby? Promise me, that you'll live the life you want, right? Right? Even though I wont be there to witness it, be happy, okay? ' tears rolled down his cheeks as he whispered ' you are literally 1 years old and you're sleeping so you cant hear or understand me, so this is ridiculous ' Schlatt chuckled ' but I hope that- that very smart brain of yours will somehow process the bullshit im spewing out ' tears mixed with rain fell onto the blanket ' I-I hope you wont hate me, Toby. Im sorry I have to do this, but it's for the best. You'll be with the dad who can give you the life you truly deserve.

Goodbye, Toby. '

#mcyt #mcyt fanfiction #tubbo #schlatt #dad schlatt #angst #trans tubbo

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strangeradventuresofp · 4 years

Text

scarred part 2(firelord!zuko x reader)

requested by : @yepthatsame - Ahh I just read Scarred and it was so good! Do you think you do a part 2 where they meet again after years of his banishment? No worries if not!

A/N : thats such a good idea omg i cant believe i didnt think of it lmao but im so glad u enjoyed part 1 hopefully you enjoy this one too !!<3

part one

“All hail Fire Lord Zuko!”

The boy you had loved and missed, for so many years suddenly emerged right in front of your eyes. You couldn’t believe it; too stunned to notice that everyone was clapping. Tears threatened to fall as you wondered if he would remember you if you appeared before him. He seemed so different than when he left. He wasn’t vulnerable anymore, it was obvious by the way he held himself; straight back, standing tall, shoulders broad. He was a completely different person; the new Fire Lord. You were happy for him, of course. All he had ever wanted to do was serve and do his country justice, and now he is. It was just such a shock to you that after leaving you to capture the avatar, they now stood side by side, smiling genuinely at each other. It was very confusing to you, and you found yourself crying as you looked up at him.

Panicking, you frantically looked for somewhere to hide as the two began walking down the stairs to greet their guests. Suddenly, and open door into the castle caught your eye, which you dashed into, luckily without being seen. You didn’t know whether you were going to try to speak to him, you didn’t have a clue if he even remembered you.

“Can I help you?” You must have been thinking for a good while because eventually, a familiar yet very new voice called out to you. Frowning, you saw it was the Fire Lord, looking at you with confusion and concern. You tilted your head, not saying anything, just looking at him. He had more muscle than before, that was obvious. He had grown a lot taller. His hair was tied into a bun at the top of his head, instead of his signature ponytail, with baby hairs pulled out at his hairline. His eyes were a different shade of gold, they glistened and shone, even without the sunlight hitting him. You hadn’t seen his scar, and frankly, you never wanted to, but you really had no choice, frowning as you looked at it. “Um.. Are you okay?”

His words sent your mind into an emotional frenzy, and you broke down as you recalled the day he left you, falling to your knees, tears flooding down your face, sobs thick with sorrow. It took Zuko by surprise, not exactly knowing how to help. He knelt beside you and gently placed his hand on your shoulder, to which you flinched away, looking up at him. His heart ached at the sight of your tear stained face; puffy eyes, red cheeks and swollen lips. However, it wasn’t until he looked closer at your broken eyes that he saw. He saw that they were the same broken eyes , the same teary eyes that pleaded him not to leave. Gasping, he pulled you into a hug. You grunted, struggling in his grip.

“Get off!” Your voice broke as you pushed him away from you. Zuko didn’t know what to do. He thought you would be happy to see him after all these years, but then again his abrupt exit left you shattered, and he could clearly see it.

“Y/N..”

“Don’t you dare.” You glared at him, flames in your eyes. He sighed in defeat and shut his mouth, looking at you, waiting for you to say something. When you didn’t, Zuko sighed and opened his mouth once again.

“Y/N, please. Just let me-”

“Stop it.” You spat, venom thick on your tongue. “You think you can just leave me, your best friend, for three years, come back with the avatar as Fire Lord and I’ll forgive you? You’re stupid, Zuko.” He breathed when you said his name, sadness glossing over his eyes.

“Y/N, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, you’ll never understand.”

“Sorry doesn’t fix something like this.” Zuko dodged your gaze as you tried to lock your eyes with his. “I loved you. I loved you more than anything. I was there for you, through everything. And you left me, without a care in the world. Tch. Some Fire Lord.” The harsh words, and use of past tense, caused the boy to flinch, his brows knitting together in empathy.

“Y/N-”

“Stop saying my-”

“Can you just let me talk? Please?” You were hurting, and knew you deserved some sort of an explanation, so you allowed him to continue. “I’m sorry, Y/N. Truly. I can never, ever take back what I did. It breaks my heart knowing what I did to you. And I wish I could take it back. But, I just want you to know.. I never stopped thinking about you. I loved you a-and I still do. With all of my heart. I’m s-”

“Stop saying you’re sorry.”

“You’re why I changed my path. When I left, I thought my destiny was to capture the avatar and restore my honor, and come home, to you. To my family. But my Uncle got inside my head and I began to realize that you would hate me, if I enabled my father’s sick fantasy of superiority. So I had to do something about it. And that’s why I’m here, trying to make amends for what my family had done. I am so, so sorry, Y/N. And if you could ever find it in your heart to forgive me, I would be-” Zuko was cut off by you, pulling him into a tight hug. He sighed contently, happy to finally have you back in his arms, willingly. He stroked your hair as you sobbed against his chest. You felt safe in his embrace and gently leaned into him, smiling at his warmth.

“I never stopped loving you, Y/N.” Feeling too weak to say anything, you looked up to him and cupped his cheek in your small hand, smiling wider than you had before, tears staining your pretty face. Zuko leaned into your touch and smiled back at you, using his thumbs to delicately wipe the tears from your face. He pressed a light kiss to your temple before pulling you into a hug once again. You sniffled, before opening your mouth to speak.

“I forgive you, Zuko.”

“Thank you, Y/N.”

“Zuko?”

“Yes?”

“I never stopped loving you either.” Zuko smiled at your words, slowly leaning in before touching his lips with yours. You were both equally as happy to be back in each other’s arms. You loved each other, and you were finally together again. The Fire Lord finally felt like he was truly at home again, as did you, in his embrace.

“So... ‘Fire Lord Zuko’, huh?”

my masterlist (requests open!)

A/N : guys im SO SORRY i havent written for so long and i promise im getting to the other requests but it might take me a little while and im so so sorry but im suffering such bad writers block rn and ive been so busy the last few days too but anyway im so sorry this is short i hope u like it though and i also hope you have a fantastic day ilysm<3 xo p

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wychive · 4 years

Text

𝙪𝙣𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨

summary // you found your pile of ‘letters’ to hyunjin that contain thoughts that have never been said and decided to write to him one last time.

pairing(s) // hyunjin x gn!reader, hyunjin x oc, slight minho x reader

genre(s) // angst, letter fic

warning(s) // mentions of food, themes of being forgotten, vulgar wording, humiliation, overthinking

word count // 2.0k

author's note // happy birthday @noya-sannnn !! im sorry this was so late hhh you know how i am irl,, but i hope you enjoy this! i love you so much, jane <3 i apologize for the many grammar mistakes gn. i recommend listening to iu’s ending scene while reading this! btw y/n/n means your nickname.

[10/01/14, 3:55am]

dear jinnie,

hi there! it's y/n <3 i hope you're doing okay - i mean of course you are pfft anyways, just writing this short letter (more like paragraph) sort of as a venting mechanism? for things i cant tell you about lol im not so sure how you would call it, since you're so much better at words than i am. basically were like:

hyunjin: ow a brain freeze!

me: haha brain go brrrr

anyways haha yea <3 it's 4am so like,, ill see you at school!

signed,

your loser,

y/n/n

[15/02/14, 12:34am]

yo heartthrob!

im back with this kinda stuff haha it's been a whole? week? since ive written one of these so like yes..hi! i just wanted to say thanks, for today. you really know how to cheer me up huh? you really outdid yourself by setting up that little picnic for us. congrats on making the strawberry cake so perfectly <3 this day will always stay as a core memory in the back of my brain. you're too caring sometimes,,, istg you'll pay for this [maybe hugs?] >:)

signed,

your partner in crime,

y/n/n

[30/02/15, 01:29am]

jinnie-senpai~~

LMAO you hate me calling you that, doesn't change a thing though. hehe,, nways i hope you enjoyed your birthday present :) i got you that really cool skateboard that you wanted. i worked my ass off for that in my mother's garden so like,, you gotta thank me for that a thousand times :D nah jk, its a sincere gift, from me to you. i rarely do this for ANYONE so consider yourself lucky to have a best friend like me -3- also, seungmin is like….kinda the cutest person ever. introduce me to him pls, thank!

signed,

<your bestest friend3,

y/n

(p.s. you're kinda cute too,,,, ig,,, still stinkee tho)

[13/04/15, 9:04pm]

hey 'baby' (HAHAHA ihy for this)

i hope your day was okay! i didn't see much of you today (which was sort of a bummer but wtv) so like…. uh yea. you told me you were doing okay over text, which kinda surprised me because like?? we always video call lol this is kinda the first time,, but its okay, i trust you! (i really hope youre doing alright tho, i'll beat anyone up if they make you sad >:( ) you also called me 'sweetheart' today which was like…. omg wtf haha????????? that was so weird to me for some reason… a good kind of weird :D we haven't done those kinds of nicknames in a while so…. happy to know that they're back in session <3 i talked to the new girl today, she's really cool! like she knows the bean song on tiktok so like its a total win heh, ill introduce you to her tomorrow! you'll love her a lot

signed,

your 'lover',

y/n/n

[08/06/16, 10:23pm]

hey howl (hehe go back to that movie night we had)

this spring break sucks so much,, esp because youre not here (you still couldve brought me along :'[ ) but wtv i hope youre enjoying yourself. ive been hanging out with yeonnie lately and i found out she likes conan grey too like pls i love her sm. can we adopt her?? please???? she told me you guys have been video calling too and that makes me so happy!! you two are getting along so well aaa my precious babies </3

what if you developed a crush on her? haha…..jk unless?? (no jk dont shes all mine, stay away >:) ) anyways, i hope the three of us hang out soon. maybe go to that ice cream parlour where they serve the best cookies and cream?

signed,

your daisy,

y/n/n

[19/07/15, 01:23am]

peepee poopoo hello

heyheyhey!! (heh, haikyuu thingz) i hope youre doing okay! i mean sure you are, with everything going so well. also i feel like you're not telling me something. maybe it's just me? is it? i hope it is because you tell me everything,, we've been talking less these days but its okay! i know how busy you are, especially with your dad always bugging you,,

also, i think yeonbin likes you :0,, she keeps talking about you whenever we hang out. don't get me wrong, its not bad that she likes you but...something doesn't feel right. i feel like i'm being the third wheeler here and like ugh idk. haha laughs yea i think its just me.. im sorry, i didnt mean to do you like this,, anyways, ill see you soon + her too ofc- yall are inseparable lmao

signed,

your moonlight,

y/n/n

[23/07/15, 01:56am]

greetings, kind sir

lol more like mean sir but like aight KSKSK,, anyways,, how have you been? we haven't really talked in a while,, our convos are always so short with it being one-sided :/ i wish you were online more. yeonnie is ignoring me,, do you know why? i think you do,,, but when i asked you just said you didnt know. did i do something wrong? pls tell me..

she blocked my contact the other day and she won't even smile at me when i pass her in the hallways. its,, sad and stressful especially because she was the only one that would genuinely talk to me. i hate to say this,, but i miss you. us, hanging out like the best trio we are, yknow? but i dont think you miss me the same way. sorry, im getting out of hand. i know im just overreacting. im just gonna sleep ig,, good night! sweet dreams,,

signed,

your pink lemonade,

y/n/n

[25/07/15, 03:25am]

hi there

i heard you and her got together?? congrats, jinnie! im so proud of you,, especially because you never had even considered getting a girlfriend a few months earlier lmaO you really woo the ladies huh? anyways,, i hope you've been well since we last talked,, how many days has it been?? i would say nearly a week or so but honestly it feels like a hundred years,, considering you and i used to talk every day. but you have her now to keep you company.

keep this a secret but can you possibly tell me why it hurts when i see her? or when i mention her or even think of her?? is it because she's connected to you? but.. you're my best friend, so why? is it because i miss you? is it because im alone now? is it because you left me with a simple 'i have to go now,, bye y/n/n.'? im not sure either. im being silly, i apologize. ill figure it out sooner or later. sweet dreams, jinnie

signed,

your asswipe,

y/n

[25/07/15, 04:30am]

jinnie

it's because i love you.

signed,

your butterfly,

y/n

[??/08/??, 05:??am]

you

i miss your lame jokes. i miss your smile. i miss your laughs. i miss your funny faces. i miss the way your eyes twinkle. i miss th way you would make me happy just by doing the bare minimum. i miss the disaster you made when cooking breakfast. i miss the night when you snuck me out just to go to that pretty lantern event. i miss when you would call out my name everytime we met. i miss when we would share earbuds in train rides. dont you get it, hyunjin? i miss you.

[??/??/15, ??:??am]

asshole.

please tell me that isn't true, please. you're too kind to do these kinds of things, right? + i was your best friend,, then, why, why did you hurt me like this. i didnt do anything wrong.. you couldve just told me you didnt like me,,, why did she have to tell me? out of all people.

youre so pathetic for this,, i thought you were brave, bold - but youre just a fucking coward. i loved you, i really did. and i realised too late… im sorry. she,, i shouldn't have talked to her in the first place, right? i bet you knew she humiliated me, in front of everyone. of course you did, you were the only one that knew. you told her. fuck, i hate you so much (yet why do i long for you on a night like this?). you know how much that'll affect me and yet, there you are, laughing about it with her.

signed,

fuck off,

you know who i am.

[31/08/15, 03:41am]

ah, jinnie

please tell me this is just a nightmare. please, please. stop just reading my texts, please answer them. jinnie. i miss you so much. i dont care bout her, please just let me be in your arms. i dont care if you love me back, please just talk to me at least. tell me what i did wrong,, jinnie,, please,,, clear these tear stains on my cheek with kisses.

signed,

your fuck-up,

y/n

[15/09/15, 04:59am]

jinnie

why do i keep crying because of you? its been a few weeks since everything has happened. please, nothing has changed. i still love you the same even with all the hatred i have pent up in this stupid brain of mine. i wish i could just walk back in time, to where it all began.

when i first met you in third grade and you pushed me while playing soccer or maybe when we took those ridiculous prom pictures, remember those? i hope you still have them,, because i do too. i hope the pictures of us on your wall still hang there,, it'll remind you of the happy times. hm,, maybe you don't need them.

you already have millions of pictures with you and her,, i bet you printed some and replaced those with ours right? sly dog.

signed,

friend,

y/n/n

[04/02/16, 12:57am]

hey

i went to the park today and saw both of you being happy. it's nice to see your smile again. im sorry i didnt go up to you,, i just thought it would be awkward. when i heard that adorable laugh of yours, it made me realise that i lost something special. but it's okay isnt it? as your happiness matters more than mine.

signed,

y/n

[06/01/20, 08:00pm]

dear hyunjin,

im doing fine here. how about you? gosh,, how long has it been? years? since we last talked to each other. i havent heard from you since. i would just like to say i still think of you sometimes, when watering the plants or dancing while making pancakes. sometimes i think you're here with me too, just being the pals we were.

sometimes i'd see you out, just reading a book in the park or buying pasta sauce at the grocery store. it's nice to see you having a stable life. im not sure if you're still with her or not, but its good to know that you still have that large friend group. also! you're never gonna guess who im dating--

it's minho! do you remember him? the one that i used to hate,, uh yeah. he asked me out the other day- you may wonder how tf,,, i too do not know how tf but he gives the best hugs ever. he gave me the love i wanted from you. he stitched my heart back together after it broke,, i love him so much, jinnie..

it's snowing,, do you remember when we would skate on the frozen lake in front of your house? are your parents well? i wonder if your mother still has those earrings i bought for her birthday. i never told you this but your laugh and hers sound so similar.

i would just like to say thank you, for everything. you were a big part of my life, up until now. when we see each other after this, we would just be strangers. maybe flash a little smile or give a little wave whenever we greet each other but nothing more. some memories of us would flow in every now and then but it'll just be a short teaser. well, i'll be going now. smile for me, okay?

signed,

the one that loved you the most,

y/n.

taglist // @/noya-sannnn, @crvgio , @neo-shitty

reply to be in my gen taglist!

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all-hail-the-witcher · 4 years

Text

jaskier’s breakup album

alright full disclosure i probably went into way more detail than i needed to. but jaskiers a dramatic little shit and therefore so am i. but this album slowly became my baby and I've been listening to it for the last 2 weeks while I've been doing homework and its a good sad bop. these are just my opinions, but i think it would be cool to see what other people think (esp because im fairly new to this fandom). also this post is really long. sorry about that.

so. we all know jaskier is a bard. he traipses around writing songs about whatever fling he's having or about his witcher. netflix canon makes it pretty clear that geralt is one of jaskiers muses (and probably one of his more reliable ones given what we know about jaskiers dating history). jaskier is also very, very dramatic (as I'm sure everyone knows cause he's the damn comic relief that show desperately needs). in particular though the scene at the beginning of 1x05 where geralt is djinn hunting and jaskier stumbles upon him, drunk, singing off key, and rambles about how "the countess de stael, my muse and beauty of this world, has left me. again. rather coldly and unexpectedly, i might add. i fear i shall die a broken hearted man” and jaskier is clearly half muttering some sad attempt at a breakup song he's trying to write at the beginning of the episode so the question is, wouldn't he do the same thing post mountain scream down with geralt?

the answer is of course, yes he would because jaskier is nothing if not a dramatic little shit. and i am proposing that he writes not only one but an entire album (or set if this is canon era, but if this is canon i think he would keep a great many of these songs to himself, only playing a few select ones with the hopes that someday geralt will hear one and realize how badly he fucked up) of break songs and lamentations about geralt, because say all you want about what their relationship is, but one does not simply go traipsing around the entire continent with someone for 20 years and not grow close to them in some way shape or form (and the show makes it clear that geralt is at least one of jaskiers close friends so). now what is on this breakup album? well I'm glad you asked.

i peg jaskiers music (modern or canon honestly) for this album as being a combination of taylor swift’s folklore/evermore albums and james arthur and ill explain why.

taylor swifts folklore/evermore albums have this almost ethereal, floaty, reminiscent, indie vibes. there are many metaphors, recurring themes and its overall kinda dramatic at points which i feel is exactly what jaskier would be doing right now (it also just kinda gives me canon era vibes, idk). but james arthurs music is much more emotionally intense which i think is definitely in character for jaskier at this point because he strikes me as someone who copes with things through his music. both artists do the sings through story telling in an almost monologue manner which goes along with that kinda bardic music and all that. i also think that jaskier would want geralt to know that these songs are about him because hes dramatic like that (kinda like how taylor swift writes her stuff). anyway here's what i think would be on his breakup album:

heres a link to the playlist

1. the lakes - taylor swift 2. from me to you i hate everybody - james arthur 3. maybe - james arthur 4. sad eyes - james arthur 5. hoax - taylor swift 6. naked - james arthur 7. right where you left me - taylor swift 8. all too well - taylor swift 9. impossible - james arthur 10. exile - taylor swift 11. illicit affairs -taylor swift 12. safe inside - james arthur 13. quite miss home -james arthur 14. my tears ricochet -taylor swift 15. phoenix - james arthur 16. this is me trying - taylor swift 17. happiness - taylor swift 18. death by a thousand cuts - taylor swift 19. empty space - james arthur 20. coney island - taylor swift 21. new years day - taylor swift 22. the 1 -taylow swift

so theres 22 songs which im sure jaskier would do on purpose cause hes a dramatic little shit ( “one song for every year i wasted on you” or something of that sort). jaskier being a dramatic little shit is going to be a recurring theme. some of them work better for modern era than canon era but as a whole this can be interpreted as either romantic or platonic. anyway lets unpack.

1. the lakes by taylor swift (more canon era interpretation)

this song is the bonus and final track off of folklore. the song is actually about how she wants to go live in seclusion with her boyfriend out of the public eye but that is not what it means in this interpretation. i think that this song is about how jaskier feels as though his career as a bard is tainted now because he spent so many years singing geralts praises and there is no way he will be able to escape that part of his life because undoubtedly hes going to get requests for toss a coin and others he wrote about geralt and people will probably know him as “the witchers bard”. so this song is him talking about how he wants to run away and live out his life in seclusion because geralt took from him one of the only happinesses in his life.

Take me to the lakes, where all the poets went to die I don't belong, and my beloved, neither do you Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry I'm settin' off, but not without my muse

the line “i dont belong and my beloved neither do you” references the fact that jaskier feels like an outcast now that he’s spent years traveling around with a witcher, notoriously outcasts from society, so he feels that he doesnt belong anymore either.

I want auroras and sad prose I want to watch wisteria grow Right over my bare feet 'Cause I haven't moved in years And I want you right here

the second stanza references his idealization of living out his life in solitude, with nature, where no one can judge him (and geralt cant yell at him).

jasper would have started this album with that song because it states his intentions: he feels as though he’s done with singing. it could also refer to him leaving the public eye (in modern era) to write this album.

2. from me to you i hate everybody by james arthur (more canon era interpretation)

songs 2-4 on jaskiers album are ones that he wrote at various points while he and geralt were still together/best friends/etc. these three songs establish what the relationship was like before everything went downhill, but they are kind of melancholy, like looking back on a past love (which is what jaskier is doing). this one jaskier wrote about when they met. geralt would have heard him play it before and he would have known that this song was about him (he probably also secretly liked it and jaskier putting it on his album would have been like a slap in the face because it wasn't one that he had shared with other people, thinking it to be too personal). if this album had been released in modern era, jaskier would have released this song as a single to get geralts attention. he would have definitely wanted geralt to know that this album was about him.

I used to come here on my own and drink So I didn't have to think or hear the whispering I stand with people telling lies again In suits and ties again and I just need a friend

they meet in the tavern and its clear that jaskier is Not having a good time and really just needs a friend, hence why he decides to go talk to geralt.

You walked into the room and cut the atmosphere like a knife, alright Sobering mind 'cause up to now, I've just been wasting my time, ooh yeah

the “wasting my time” part is of particular interest because it clearly articulates that jaskier feels as though adventuring around with geralt was the best part of his life and before that he'd just been a bard with debatable songs. the song as a whole makes it sound like geralt was jaskiers lifeline.

3. maybe by james arthur (modern or canon era works)

this song, while geralt would know immediately it was about him, was not one jaskier ever shared with geralt. it would have been written a few years after he and geralt had met initially. the reason that jaskier never shared it was because it talks about destiny and geralt made it Very Clear that he does not want to fuck with destiny.

I don't know what's going on Where you came from and why you took so long All I know is that I feel it Like it's the realest thing, I mean it Something changed when I saw you Oh, my eyes can't lie You said, "They're so damn blue And I love how you're so forward Is it too soon to say I'm falling?"

this would have been what young jaskier felt over the course of a few years after traveling around (or befriending if this is modern). There was probably a slip up somewhere, or jaskier just thought that he got really good at interpreting geralts grunts and the line about the eyes is what he hoped/imagined/thought geralt was saying to him in return.

So maybe Maybe we were always meant to meet Like this was somehow destiny Like you already know Your heart will never be broken by me So is it crazy For you to tell your friends to go on home? So we can be here all alone Fall in love tonight And spend the rest of our lives as one

jaskier probably thinks that destiny is some wildly romantic thing hence why he compares them meeting to destiny. the line about heart break would have also hit especially hard after the mountain scene. also i think its pretty clear that jaskier wants to spend as much of his life traipsing around with geralt in the show (modern era wouldn't have been any different), hence wanting to spend the rest of his life with geralt.

Oh, is it too crazy For you to tell your brothers about me? They told me they'll protect you But I'll look them in the eye Tell them you and I will be as one

this is the part that sells it for me. i think that geralt lambert and eskel would all be very close (admittedly i havent read the books but i kinda get that vibe from the fandom so). this part about geralt telling his bothers about jaskier and then jaskier probably meeting them would have been an Important Moment.

4. sad eyes by james arthur (modern or canon works)

aright so im not sure if geralt has heard this one before. i can see it going both ways. its a possibility that jaskier wrote it at some point and then would kinda sing it softly when hes patching geralt up after a particularly rough hunt so its one of those where like geralts not quite sure what the song is but then he hears it on this album (cause say this was modern era and jaskier actually did release this album geralt would totally buy it after a few weeks and then realize how badly he'd actually fucked up) and is like shit thats what he was singing all along?? but anyway this one is essentially about how jaskier thinks geralt puts too much pressure on himself and all that stuff

You wear the burden World on your shoulders, babe So let me hold the weight I know you're hurting Deep as the coldest pain But this is the order sayin'

essentially jaskier can see through geralts bs and hes calling him out on it and wants him to just take care of himself for once (see: the scene in 1x05 when geralt says he cant sleep)

5. hoax by taylor swift (canon or modern works)

so this song begins the plethora of break up songs that jaskier wrote about geralt. this one would have been written some time after the incident, after jaskier has some time to reflect on the whole thing. i know that taylor wrote this song about enduring a toxic relationship, which kind of works if you think about the way that geralts treated jaskier and how jaskier interpreted it (but im not implying that their relationship was toxic or abusive or anything)

My best laid plan Your sleight of hand My barren land I am ash from your fire

jaskiers plan was to reinvent geralts image and geralt did not think that it was worth it. jaskier is just sorta his side kick (who gets him into trouble, as geralt points out) and geralt kicks him aside like he doesnt mean anything to him (like ash from a fire

Stood on the cliffside Screaming "Give me a reason" Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in Don't want no other shade of blue But you No other sadness in the world would do

this is a little more literal with the screaming on the cliffside. jaskier wanted a reason to stay and geralt didnt want him to. jaskier knows that witchers dont feel emotions (or at least not like humans do) so hes been tricking himself into believing that geralt actually liked having him around, knowing that it was probably going to blow up in his face at some point. but he doesnt quite regret it, and doesnt want to be sad over anyone else.

6. naked by james arthur (modern or canon works)

this kind of goes along with hoax, jaskier probably wrote them around the same time. he’s admitting in this song that he would be willing to try to work it out with geralt, but geralt needs to change first (needs to actually communicate and let him in and all that stuff).

'Cause here I am, I'm givin' all I can But all you ever do is mess it up Yeah, I'm right here, I'm tryin' to make it clear That getting half of you just ain't enough

hes quoting geralts words back at him here ( “all you ever do is mess it up” is pretty similar to the line about shoveling shit), saying that all hes ever tried to do is be good and kind to geralt, but geralt hasn't really done the same in return and while jaskier may have dragged him into some things, geralt also needs to take responsibility for what hes done as well.

7. right where you left me (modern or canon works)

this starts the Real Sad Boy Hours songs. this would refer to how he felt pretty much right after, not knowing what to do because geralt had been so much a part of his life for so long:

Help, I'm still at the restaurant Still sitting in a corner I haunt Cross-legged in the dim light They say, "What a sad sight" I, I swear you could hear a hair pin drop Right when I felt the moment stop Glass shattered on the white cloth Everybody moved on, I, I stayed there Dust collected on my pinned-up hair They expected me to find somewhere Some perspective, but I sat and stared

this is kind of the processing of the event. and also the moment on the album where the audience would realize that this relationship that he's been telling about until now definitely ended. this song isn't super super emotional, its more a jumble of thoughts cause he didnt know what to feel after the breakup happened. although he didnt write it right after the break up, it was written much after as a looking back.

8. all too well by taylor swift (modern or canon era works)

(the link to this one is from a live performance because i like the emotion in this one better) so this song is not off of folklore (its off of red) but its such a powerful, painful breakup song that i had to include it in the lineup because it seems like something that jaskier would have written very very soon after the incident. the memories especially that she touches on in the song (driving upstate, dancing in the fridge light, looking at the photo album, etc) are all very powerful and real and i can see jaskier doing the same thing. again, if this were modern era i think that he might release this one as a single. theres so much to unpack in this song, this ones gonna be a little longer oops.

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well

this clearly references the mountain scene. they were a pretty good duo until geralt blamed him for all his problems. and jaskier was effectively stuck on the top of a very dangerous mountain that he would have had to navigate down by himself.

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone

jaskier spent half of his life following geralt around, its likely that he doesnt know what to do with himself or his life now that he doesnt have geralt to follow around on adventures. he doesnt know what to do anymore (see the first song).

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me You can't get rid of it, 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah

this is more of a hope that jaskier has. he hopes that geralts held onto something of his that he left behind. maybe he left a shirt in one of roaches saddle bags (canon) or a notebook in their apartment (modern) that geralt just cant seem to get rid of. he would like to think that he had an impact on geralts life and that it wasn't just all for nothing. in the beginning, he wants geralt to be just as hurt as he is.

'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

this is a dig at geralt. he'd never had someone to follow him around on adventures before, much less a human. as far as we know it seems like jaskiers the first human that has even given him the time of day. this is jaskiers way of throwing it back in geralts face

9. impossible by james arthur (canon or modern works)

this would have also been written very soon after the incident. it is more jaskier being mad at himself for not seeing the signs than him being mad at geralt. it is almost like his admittance of the event and like hes finally accepting what happened.

I remember years ago Someone told me I should take Caution when it comes to love, I did And you were strong and I was not My illusion, my mistake I was careless, I forgot, I did

jaskier is someone who clearly falls in love (or at least screws around with people) easily so its likely that someone would have given him some advice along these lines once. but when he met geralt its likely that this caution went to the wind.

When all is done, there is nothing to say And if you're done with embarrassing me On your own you can go ahead, tell them

Tell them all I know now Shout it from the rooftops Write it on the skyline All we had is gone now Tell them I was happy And my heart is broken All my scars are open Tell them what I hoped would be impossible

this hints at the first song on the album. jaskier has no stomach for singing for audiences asking to hear about the adventures of geralt of rivia. this is his way of telling geralt that, almost as his punishment, he should have to deal with the people who ask why hes not traveling with his bard anymore, because jaskier has no intention of doing so. this is pretty brutal because (as we know) geralt doesnt really enjoy talking about feelings, or talking at all in general.

10. exile by taylor swift (modern or canon era works)

this is a fictitious conversation that jaskier wrote as occurring between him and geralt. it can be looked at either way but i think it makes more sense if bon iver is jaskier and taylor is geralt.

I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending You're not my homeland anymore So what am I defendin' now? You were my town Now I'm in exile seein' you out I think I've seen this film before

this first chorus is from jaskiers perspective. note the use of “homeland,” as home becomes a theme on jaskiers album. in geralts version of the chorus the line instead is “youre not my problem anymore” which is probably what jaskier took the whole mountain thing to mean.

All this time We always walked a very thin line You didn't even hear me out (you didn't even hear me out) You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs) All this time I never learned to read your mind (never learned to read my mind) I couldn't turn things around (you never turned things around) 'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)

(the () in this are geralt) this is jaskiers lamentations about how he didnt notice geralts abject discomfort in their relationship and also his regrets in not being able to remedy the situation.

11. illicit affairs by taylor swift (modern or canon works)

so this song is clearly and obviously about an affair. however, i have seen interpretations of the song where people view it as being in a relationship that is so intense and well hidden that in a sense it is almost like an affair, like in the aftermath you’re not even sure if it was real or you deemed it because there isnt really a trace of this other person anymore, and that is the way i think jaskier would have written this song.

And you wanna scream Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else

the dont call me kid, dont call me baby part would reference jaskiers humanity, he has a normal human lifespan at least in canon (very much unlike geralt) so geralt might brush him off as being young and stupid. jaskier would have made this album to show geralt that hes not being young and stupid, that this did screw him up, and hes suffering cause of it. kind of like a reality check or a slap in the face.

Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this idiotic fool that you made me You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else And you know damn well For you I would ruin myself A million little times

the secret language would of course refer to geralt himself. hes a hard man to understand (especially cause half his vocabulary is grunts) and hes also a witcher. so jasper had to learn to understand him and now he has no use for that anymore. and the ending line about ruining myself. that would be jaskiers admittance that he would do it again, he'd do it all again, which comes back up in later songs.

12. safe inside by james arthur (canon era interpretation)

this is one that jaskier would have written maybe a week or so after the incident. the song itself deals with distance and coping with not being in someones life anymore, and i think that that is something that jaskier would struggle to cope with because hes not sure he wants geralt to be alone. this song is more for jaskier than for geralt.

Everyone has to find their own way And I'm sure things will work out okay I wish that was the truth All we know is the sun will rise Thank your lucky stars that you're alive It's a beautiful life

obviously geralt can take care of himself, but its kinda clear that he doesnt much like his life as a witcher (the part where he talks about them getting slow and killed). so this is kind of jaskiers way of almost reminding geralt that his life on the path is still beautiful and important now that he back by himself.

Oh, will you call me to tell me you're alright? 'Cause I worry about you the whole night Don't repeat my mistakes, I won't sleep 'til you're safe inside If you're home I just hope that you're sober Is it time to let go now you're older? Don't leave me this way, I won't sleep 'til you're safe inside

this is more jaskier worrying about geralt being by himself. he hopes that hes okay in the aftermath of this this and that hes taking care of himself still. because of course jaskier would write a whole breakup album but still write one song about how he hopes the person is doing well.

13. quite miss home by james arthur (modern era interpretation)

this song. oh my god. its so amazing. if you dont listen to any of these, at least listen to this one (actually im pretty sure no ones read to this point so if you have thanks). this song is kind of more along the same vein as the previous one, how jaskier misses geralt but its more for him than geralt. he would have probably written it at like 3am in a fit of tears and weakness, and debated long and hard about whether or not to put it on the album, but done it anyway because what does he have to lose? theres a lot to unpack here tho so this is going to be a longer one. (sorry)

I'm in the kitchen while you smoke outside You're careful not to let the smoke inside I always tell you it's poison But I know it helps you take the edge off the day We get a drink before it's closing time The one on high street with the blinking sign All these memories feel poignant I won't be there to see the snow melt away

this is a very very clear picture of an event that seems to have happened a great many times, so much so that it seems like second nature. its like a little glimpse into what their life was before this incident. its intimate, but it still is melancholy.

Whoa I'm in another city I got nobody with me And it just really hit me

this is where jaskier is now, it provides some opposition. its like a culture shock almost, like hes so used to this intimate lifestyle with another person that its jarring to be by himself.

That I quite miss home And I miss you telling me To leave my shoes at the door 'Cause you just swept the floor And the dirt drives you crazy Yeah, I quite miss home 'Cause it feels like poetry When the rain falls down on the window While you're in my arms And we're watching the TV Yeah, I quite miss home

the key here is what jaskier is referring to as “home.” it's not the place, its geralt himself. all these memories center around him, not an establishment. (calling geralt “home” comes back in later songs.) again, this mosh of memories is like theres so many of them that its almost overwhelming but its stemming from jaskiers need to feel something other than lonely and hes craving this reality that hes lost.

14. my tears ricochet by taylor swift (modern or canon era works)

this is a song that really emphasizes jaskiers dramatic little shit tendencies. this is something that he wrote, trying to predict what geralts reaction would be if he found out that jaskier died. this is really just jaskier fantasizing that geralt didnt actually mean any of what he said and does still care about him. theres many lines in here that are jabs at geralt (if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake? and Even on my worst day Did I deserve, babe All the hell you gave me?), but i think this is the most important one:

And I can go anywhere I want Anywhere I want Just not home And you can aim for my heart, go for blood But you would still miss me in your bones And I still talk to you When I'm screaming at the sky And when you can't sleep at night You hear my stolen lullabies

this is again, jaskier referring to geralt as home. as seen in the last song, he clearly wants to go there, but he cant. this could also refer to where he grew up, which he cant go to either because his parents still view him as a disappointment (as seen in finally). jaskier saying he still talks to geralt is completely in character, he probably still curses him and the whole thing. but the part about geralt not being able to sleep at night and hearing his stolen lullabies is really hard hitting. jaskier likes to think that geralt wouldn't be able to sleep without his banter or his lute playing or something of that nature. over all its a very powerful song.

15. phoenix by james arthur (modern or canon works)

this is a fictitious apology that jaskier wrote from geralts pov, kind of what he wished that geralt would say, but knows that he won't.

Let me, let me begin Let me begin, with an I.O.U Who I owe everything to Lately, lately my friend Lately, you think I'm ignoring you But I've been trying to pull through All of the pain, I know you're looking down, down on me I could have been someone I hurt everyone Pushed away everyone who got near

in this “geralt” outlines what he did wrong, and that he didnt mea what he said at all. again, this is more for jaskiers benefit because he knows that even if geralt were to apologize to him, it wouldn't be to this extent.

16. this is me trying by taylor swift (modern or canon works)

this is jaskier trying to articulate the fact that hes trying to pick himself back up after everything, his way of showing his “healing process” and that he can do it, he doesnt need geralt (as the song shows, its not going very well)

And it's hard to be at a party When I feel like an open wound It's hard to be anywhere these days When all I want is you You're a flashback in a film reel On the one screen in my town And I just wanted you to know That this is me trying (maybe I don't quite know what to say) I just wanted you to know That this is me trying

its showing that jaskier is having trouble enjoying things that he once did (like parties) because hes still so distraught over what happened with geralt, but at the same time he also wants to show geralt that he doesnt need him. it has a very i dont care kind of attitude, but jaskier at the same time is having a hard time showing geralt that hes doing okay, hence the “maybe i dont quite know what to say” which is out of character for the very talkative bard

17. happiness by taylor swift (modern or canon works)

this is more him convincing himself that things will be okay. he's clearly trying at this point to move on, but its proving difficult because geralt was his happiness for so long:

There'll be happiness after you But there was happiness because of you Both of these things can be true There is happiness

he also repeats the line “havent me the new me yet” a few times, which i think is again him trying to convince himself that its going to get better and he will move on from it. but this line is the one that i think hurts the most:

No one teaches you what to do When a good man hurts you And you know you hurt him too

this implies that 1. he still thinks geralts a good man (not a monster) and 2. that he knows he hurt him to and doesn't know how to fix either of them. this is also kind of him giving up on how to fix it, but him recognizing they were both at fault is important for the arc of the story.

18. death by a thousand cuts by taylor swift (modern or canon works)

this is another song that is not off of folklore (its from lover), but i wanted to include it because it think it has a little bit of anger to it (especially in this live acoustic version that i linked) which i think that jaskier would feel a few weeks post incident in a fit of rage, like why am i still feeling this way? why did you think that this was okay?? and its right after happiness, which shows that his healing really isn't linear. there's many lines in this song that pertain to geralt and jaskier and i could talk about the whole thing but im not going to

But if the story's over, why am I still writing pages?

this i think is very jaskier. its so raw and like, i know this is over, why am i still writing about it? why am i making an album about this? why should this still matter to me? its very angry and again, like many of the songs, like a slap.

My heart, my hips, my body, my love Tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch Gave up on me like I was a bad drug Now I'm searching for signs in a haunted club Our songs, our films, united, we stand Our country, guess it was a lawless land Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand Paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust Tryna find a part of me you didn't take up Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts

this part, especially if you listen to her sing it, (which i would HIGHLY RECOMMEND BTW) is very passive aggressive and the the last line is like quite sarcastic and downplays it, like, yes you put me through all of this, but i guess its *just* a thousand cuts. this really shows that in many ways geralt was a part of jaskiers life, and his sudden removal from it would have stung in many ways, and thats not something that you can get over quickly.

19. empty space by james arthur (modern or canon era works)

this song starts the beginning of jaskier getting over geralt. these last 4 songs would have been written much after the incident, after hes had time to think, but there's still this nagging in the back of his head thats like, well what if im being stupid and he is the one and im supposed to go back?

I don't see you You're not in every window I look through And I don't miss you You're not in every single thing I do I don't think we're meant to be And you are not the missing piece I won't hear it Whenever anybody says your name And I won't feel it Even when I'm burstin' into flames I don't regret the day I left I don't believe that I was blessed I'm probably lyin' to myself again

this is more what jaskier wants to be, not what he actually is. he thinks that hes over geralt, but hes not (the chorus gets into it more but im not going to talk about it here, but it essentially says “only you can fill this empty space”) clearly jaskier is further along in his healing process, but hes still having second thoughts. he wants to be over him, but he knows hes lying to himself, very deep down.

20. coney island by taylor swift (more modern era interpretation)

this is the true moving on song. it’s still laced with memories and speculation, but it puts clear distance between the two of them, much more so than empty space does because it lacks the longing. it just shows things for what they are.

And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island Wondering where did my baby go? The fast times, the bright lights, the merry go Sorry for not making you my centerfold

its apologetic, but nothing more than that. it dwells more on what could have been rather than what he wants it to still be.

The question pounds my head What's a lifetime of achievement If I pushed you to the edge? But you were too polite to leave me And do you miss the rogue Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there? Will you forgive my soul When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?

this is interesting because it addresses their immortality and how they've been together for years and also the way in which they left things (paradise). but it also implies that things were on the downfall. and the last two lines about forgiveness is interesting because it then calls geralt “too wise to trust me and too old to care” meaning its more a wish of jaskiers rather than something he knows geralt will do.

Were you waiting at our old spot In the tree line By the gold clock Did I leave you hanging every single day? Were you standing in the hallway With a big cake, happy birthday Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest grey? A universe away And when I got into the accident The sight that flashed before me was your face But when I walked up to the podium, I think that I forgot to say your name

these are all very specific, very intimate moments that would clearly mean something to geralt. and it further implies that jaskier is uncertain if he actually made geralt feel appreciated when they were together. but again, its more what could have been rather than what jaskier wanted it to be, which is a nice segway into the last two songs.

21. new years day by taylor swift (modern era interpretation)

this is another one not from folklore, this song is the closing track on reputation, but i like the nostalgia of it so i decided to include it (and it also has good parallels to the last song). initially jaskier intended for this to be the last song on the album, but decided to add another one last minute (and we will get into why). this song is more jaskiers muted longing to still be with geralt, albeit in the far future.

There's glitter on the floor after the party Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor You and me from the night before but Don't read the last page But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away I want your midnights But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

this interpretation is very much like the actual songs interpretation: the desire to stay with someone through the unexciting parts of life, like cleaning up after a party on new years day. additionally, wanting to start something new with someone (being there with them past the midnight kiss and actually starting the first day of the year with them). additionally though, there is the line of “dont read the last page” which refers to the last song on the album, which we will get to.

Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you And I will hold on to you Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

this is more jaskiers reality. hes torn between holding onto these memories and hopes and actually facing reality. he wants to hold on to geralt, but he also kinda wants to move on. and the last line about the laugh, thats more jaskiers own hope, he hopes that he will come across geralt again and things will work themselves out.

22. the 1 by taylor swift (modern era interpretation)

the decision to make this song the last one on the album was a very last minute decision, and it was written significantly after the rest of the songs. the reason for this was without this last song, the album ends on a note of hope “Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere” but this last song is more of a reality check and acknowledgment that what's done is done and that it will never be again.

I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit Been saying "Yes" instead of "No" I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though

this refers to the fact that its been some time since the whole thing and jaskiers kind of changed a little bit. he claims hes doing good, and maybe is going to try out a new career (since the first song references wanting to put music down for awhile). seeing geralt at the bus stop is a reference to cardigan where he says “chasing shadows in the grocery line” where hes not actively looking for geralt anymore and it doesnt upset him that he didnt see him.

I guess you never know, never know And if you wanted me, you really should've showed And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow And it's alright now

this is jaskier saying that hes almost glad that it happened because it gave him a new perspective and it was a learning experience. he also says that its alright, which is the second time that hes said hes okay, which probably means he isnt completely, but hes much closer than he was on the rest of the album because hes not still looking for geralt at every turn

I have this dream you're doing cool shit Having adventures on your own You meet some woman on the Internet and take her home We never painted by the numbers, baby But we were making it count You know the greatest loves of all time are over now I guess you never know, never know And it's another day, waking up alone

this is jaskier acknowledging the fact that geralt has probably long since moved on with his life, either with other romantic people or with his life entirely (the first time he does this on the album). he says that while their love or friendship was unconventional it still was definitely something (implying that it may have been one of the greatest loves of his life). and the waking up alone part references quite miss home and being by himself, but it isnt sad, its just a fact at this point.

But we were something, don't you think so? Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool And if my wishes came true It would've been you In my defense, I have none For never leaving well enough alone But it would've been fun If you would've been the one

this is the part where we see that jaskier has grown. hes recognized that his wanting to be with geralt was never anything more than a fleeting wish or a moment that couldn't last. but he knows that it had potential and it could have worked but it didnt and thats okay. in the last chorus the pennies line is “rosé flowing with your chosen family” which implies that he and geralt were close enough to know each others family (chosen or real), meaning that it meant something. and he wouldn't have minded a long term relationship with geralt, but its not what happened.

in new years day jaskier says “dont read the last page” this song is that last page. part of him still doesnt want geralt to know that hes put aside the hope of it working because he wants to still keep himself open for geralt, but knows that its not healthy and ultimately he needs to move on. hes essentially giving geralt the choice: remember jaskier as wanting to get back with him (since the last line of the album would have been “please dont ever become a stranger who's laugh i could recognize anywhere” or let him have the knowledge that jaskier is done with him (since the official last line of the album is “but it would have been fun if you would've been the one”)

anyway thats jaskiers breakup album. i put way too much effort into this. and if you actually read through the whole thing, thank you and please let me know what you think!! if you use this for fics or have your own interpretations please please tag me, id love to see!!

#the witcher #geralt of rivia #geralt #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #geraskier #wow this took so long #literally so long #id recommend listening to the songs tho theyre all kinda vibey #there's like a million songs i could have used but i liked these ones cause i think they have a very nostalgic vibe #also dont get me wrong jaskier would also eventually release some sones like uhh #truth hurts by lizzo #like very fuck you breakup songs #but this is him being sad first #anyway im literally only posting this cause witcher anon said they wanted to read it #i hope you like it my dude

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eleven-times-lively · 4 years

Text

I Thought You Hated Me - Part 3

Part 3/3 And shes like "Look, i get that youre heartbroken and im sorry that i cant love you back but no matter how much pain you're going through, I have it worse because you basically outed me and then ignored me and so did the others. And you dont know how much it hurts to know that because I thought you guys hated me for being gay, I thought that you guys thought I was a freak. I was always scared to come out and the moment I did, you left me when I needed you"

Summary: Remus Lupin is in love with you, but learns that you like girls. What follows is an emotional rollercoaster for you and him. Word Count: 1064 Note: This is the final part!! I love this fic and I really enjoyed writing it! I hope you enjoy reading it!!!💕

“You are unbelievable, Remus Lupin.” Your tone of voice could kill as you looked at him, brows knitted together and lips pressed into a thin line. His innocent visage of pure concern quickly turned into one of defense and confusion. Somehow something deep inside him told him to just stay quiet. “Absolutely, astonishingly un-be-liev-able!” Your volume picked up as you went. You pushed his hand off of you and turned to fully face him on the couch, tears once again falling gently when you saw him. “Remus, I’m sure you’re utterly gutted right now, heartbroken in fact, but that doesn’t give you the excuse to act like an absolute prat all of a sudden! I mean ignoring me, for Merlin’s sake! That’s not who you are!” “Y/n it was James’ idea.” “I don’t bloody fucking care Remus! You have your own wits about ya and should’ve said something! But instead you went along with it like a lonely puppy, just like you always do.” You recoiled slightly at that, perhaps it was a bit harsh. “I am sorry that I can’t love you back, and I never will in that way. It’s not a choice, Remus, so holding it against me is like… well… holding being a werewolf against you. I don’t know what you’re thinking, or what you’ve gone through this past month, you know on account of you not talking to me, but you need to understand that I have it much, much worse.” Your tone softened as you saw him begin to cry, realising the truth in your words. “Y/n, I am so, so sorry and I have no idea how to show-” “I am not done, Remus Lupin. Cutting me off didn’t work out for you last time so I suggest you don’t do it again.” “Verywell, proceed.” “Yeah… I was going to. Anyway, you basically forced me to come out to our best friend when I wasn’t ready! And knowing Sirius’ and James’ loud mouths, half the school probably knows to! That was supposed to be the one special and important moment that I was supposed to be in control of NOT YOU. Oh! And to make things worse, you all bloody ignored me! You have no idea how much pain I was in, Remus. Thinking that my best friends hated me for being gay. I felt like some kind of freak! I mean, if Sirius ‘messed up childhood’ Black thinks I’m a freak, then it surely is true!” “Y/n, we didn’t mean-” “Yeah of course you didn’t! How dare I think that your collective one brain cell is able to form a plot that coherent! It was just the three of you being absolute wankers and ignoring me for-... wait why were you ignoring me?” He hesitated a moment before speaking, wondering if that was a question meant to be answered. “James…” “I don’t care about James, I want to know why you did it.” “We thought that since you had just stormed off and wouldn’t let me talk, we shouldn’t pay attention and let you talk either. I just went along with it. I mean… what was I meant to do, y/n!?” Now he was yelling, “I was upset and vulnerable, one of my best friends had just stormed off and wouldn’t give me the time of day, so of course I was going to listen to the other two!” “Do you know how much that hurt!? No one came after me! I ran off and not one of you made the effort to try and find me, ask what went wrong, ask if I was okay!” “Sirius did!” “What! By grabbing my sweater and letting me pull away! Some effort! Remus I was bloody terrified to come out, I mean clearly if I haven’t in six years! I was scared and alone, and the moment I did come out, and not even on my own volition, you and everyone else ditched me! Just left me in the dust wondering what I did wrong. Do you have any idea how that feels!? No! You don’t!” Your words were coming out more strained and exasperated than angry any more, “You had nothing but constant and ample support when we found out you were a werewolf! We risked our lives learning how to turn into bloody animals for you! And this is how I’m repaid?” “Y/n, please, I-” “No, Remus, just don’t,” you began to get up from the couch, but he also stood up and blocked your path to the stairs. “No. You walked away last time and didn’t let me finish. No way in hell I’m letting that happen again.” He slowly, cautiously took your hands in his, looking you dead in the eye. “I love you, y/n. As a best friend, and more, but I need to respect that that will never be reciprocated. I feel bloody horrible. What kind of an arse leaves their best friend when they go through a major milestone like that?” His voice was wavering, about to break. “None of us were thinking, cause trust me, Sirius and James feel just as sorry as I do. It was a bloody awful thing to do, but all they saw of it was that you had stormed off and wouldn’t listen. And, before you even say it, it was horrible of me to not tell them otherwise. I-... no, we have all been absolute idiots this past month. And I know that it will take more than an apology to fix this, but I hope we can start here. I promise you, we will talk to Sirius and James later, together, and you’ll get the apology you deserve from them. You’re my best friend, y/n, and I never want that to change. I’m sorry we made you feel the way we did, but I hope you can take us back. Cause to be bloody honest, we all really miss you.” You didn’t say anything, lest you start crying again, but a smile slowly crept onto your face. You just leaned forward and wrapped Remus in the tightest hug you ever had. The two of you must’ve stayed like that for a while, cause by the time you separated the common room was full again. “I love you, Remus,” was all you said as you pulled away.

#HP #hp marauders #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin fic #sirius black #sirius black fluff #sirius black x reader #james potter #james potter x reader #james potter x y/n #harry potter marauders

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angstymdzsthoughts · 4 years

Text

Ignorance is a bliss

Imagine if “come to gusu with me” ends up with wwx passed out of exhaustion before he could reject the offer. Lwj did brought him to gusu and under the jurisdiction of the elders, after wwx is nursed back to health, his demonic cultivation must be sealed and he must received say maybe 15 lashes as punishment for straying off the righteous path before were sent to seclusion with lwj so that wwx will finally be ‘cleansed’. Wwx wasnt happy ofc but what he could do with his powers are sealed away? Now , 5 strokes of discipline whip may cause a cultivator bedridden for months, how about to a non cultivator ? It must affect them severely so that is why discipline whip can never be used to a non cultivator. Lwj was forced to a house arrest guarded by three disciples due to him trying to (forcefully) persuade the elders to not hurt wwx. Lwj never thought that the elders were so hell bent on punishing wwx , where he promised wwx that gusu will be his safe haven (oh lwj, ignorance is a bliss).

The elders of Lan assumed that wwx’s core is still intact but maybe diminished due to demotic cultivation. So they still proceeded with the punishment. But halfway through the session, wwx lose consciousness and healers were called to heal him so that they could finish the punishment.However, upon trying to heal him , the healers discovered that wwx does not have a golden core. Lxc was horrified and ultimately barked an order to bring wwx to the sect’s infirmary to put him to rest. Glaring at lqr and the elders , he told them if wwx did not survive the ordeal , they would have become a murderer.

Lwj was devastated on the state wwx in. Wwx had a bad fever due to infection despite how hard the healers were trying to use medication. Bandages were changed thrice a day to ensure the infection does not spread to other parts of body. Wwx never gained consciousness for 3 months. He was delirious in fever as his health rapidly declining over the days. Healers concluded that wwx may not he able to perform his daily routine without help as the whip has cause major backlash on his physical and mental health.

After a discussion, the lans decided to finally informed the jiang sects of the situation wwx was in. JC was on his way when wwx woke up. Wwx was in confusion and struggling to get out of his bed. Lxc and lwj had to restrain him to ensure he doesn’t hurt himself. The last thing wwx remembered that his back and legs were excruciating painful and people in white robes are the cause of it.Paranoia settles in him causing wwx to be on alert every second and never utter a single word after waking up, not even to lwj. For wwx, lwj has brought him to gusu because he hated wwx so much that he let those people hurt him. He was betrayed.

Although he was reluctant at first, he forced himself to eat to regained his strength and escape this hell. When the jc arrives at gusu with a group of disciples , lxc and the elders met them at the entrance leaving lwj and wwx alone at the room. Wwx for the first time spoke to lwj, requesting for a new change of robe. “I just dont want anyone to see me in this dirty robe” . Lwj acquiesced.

When lwj came back with new set of fresh robes and a basin of hot water , wwx was gone. Due to the envoy from Jiang sect , the entrance was not guarded as usual and wwx miraculously managed to flee gusu. Wwx put his guard up even he has successfully escape and ran to the most secluded part of Caiyi town. After resting for few hours and after the adrenaline was gone ,wwx realised that he was severely injured and crippled. His left leg cannot be bend without causing painful jolt like feeling. Him running all the way from gusu to caiyi with a bleeding back and hurting leg was indeed a miracle. Now , if walking was painful , then running was courting death. With careful planning using his survival skills and experience , wwx continues his painstaking slow journey and enters a forest , opposite direction of gusu and lotus pier. Wwx was last seen by a fruit vendor of Caiyi Town ; limping away without a trace.

Lwj without a doubt used an inquiry to find wwx , but wwx was an ambitious lad. Wwx somehow managed to create a talisman that can hide his presence even to spirits. Jc has issued posters all over the place , in hopes that someone might give an intel for him to find his brother but to no avail , no one has a clue of where wwx has been gone to. Wwx - like a ghost , has disappeared . JYL and JXZ was also at deeps end, unable to trace her missing brother. Other major sects also keep an eye for wwx, though the Lan clan has claimed that wwx’s demonic cultivation was sealed and was severly injured, who knows what can that young man do ?

Timeskip to 13 years later, JL LJY and LSZ (assuming that the siege never happened, but lwj adopted a-yuan as per requested by wq and wn to ensure he was raised at a proper & healthy background and the wen remnants survived and disperse for safety) was attacked at goddess temple only to be saved by a mystery crippled guy with mask (JL: a non cultivator nonetheless!) (LJY: what an amazing talent ! Only using talisman to beat the statue!). The teenagers were awestruck with the masked man’s skill, that they wanted to thanked him with a meal and few drinks but was rejected and the man leaves.

JL who never accepts no for an answers suggest to secretly follows the man so that they can send drinks or some offering for him to his house instead. Ljy and Lsz tagged along as they were curious of their saviour after all. A non cultivator cannot detect presence like a cultivator do, so the man was unaware that he was tailed. Upon arriving an old shack with a small potato farm , the man limped and sat with a grunt. Taking off his mask , he took a bottle of water and consumed a few concoction of medicine before coughing. The teenagers was surprised on the living condition of their saviour. JL however upon seeing the face of the man, went wide eyes.

“That man, he was in the poster my jiujiu used to issue around LP . My A-niang talks about him a lot,” looking over his other two confused companions. “I can never forget that face. The face that always make my mother cry upon looking at his picture and frown at his name. He is my missing big uncle , Wei Wuxian of Jiang Sect.”

“Ah i heard about him. Apparently our Elders punished him until he was missing his golden core , i think? Or is it the other way around?” Ljy spoke. “But i think the limping was the consequences from our Sects’ punishment. That time , Lan sect and Jiang Sect almost broke the treaty. I heard Madame Jiang managed to convinced your uncle to stop”.

They saw the man plowing a part of his potato field ,who occasionally stopped due to his heavy cough and resume his work. “Wwx , he is the person my father has been looking for the past 13 years. I need to let him know” Lsz finally spoke, smiling.

“Oh my potatoes , I hope you grew up fat and yummy for this master over here! I need more money , or i wont be able to buy medicine. You dont want me to die yet are you~” sang wwx. The 3 looked at each other and finally decides to leave for their respective inn, bringing a joyous news for their leaders.

Next day, both JC and lwj accompanied by the 3 went to wwx’s house. Both heartbroken on the state of the old shack . Knocking the wooden door and clearly listening on the voice mumbling from inside “who the hell would come here early in the morning at middle of a forest”, jc and lwj was shocked on the physical appearance of their missing person. Sunken cheeks and dark eyes as indication of fatigue , limping , voice hoarse from sickness and the obvious whipping scars marring from behind his neck to under the ragged clothes , jc couldnt help but to greet wwx with a hug , holding him so gentle in fear that wwx would break with the slightest of strength. Wwx frozen in shock couldnt hug back but made eye contact with lwj. “Weiying, please forgive me that I couldn’t protect you. I am very sorry.” After 13 years of internal pain and agony , wwx for the first time shed his tears . “I forgive you , so you all should leave me alone. I am a burden. Im no longer a cultivator , but a crippled man with not much time to left. I am nothing but a burden. Please” sobbed wwx.

“Idiot. Give us a chance to take care of you. A-jie misses you so much, every day and night. You haven’t met your nephew , Jing Ling . Don’t you want to eat her soup? And about your health, i can call WenQing to help you. She is still the best doctor alive. Come back with us , okay ? And no one will hurt you. “ jc.

Wwx was shocked to hear wq was still alive and her name was spoken by jc without an ounce of hatred. What have been happening for the past few years he have been isolating himself ? With shaking hands , he grabbed jc’s robe and nodded. He made another eye contact with lwj and could see how sincere he is from his eyes. Maybe , all this time , the fact that lwj hates me and sending me to my demise was all a misunderstanding?

“I am no more a cultivator.”

“It’s fine , WeiYing”

“I cannot contribute to Jiang sect anymore.”

“Who cares about that, idiot?”

“I’m going to be a burden !!! I cant even walk properly. My health is deteriorating”

“WeiYing, if tired , I can carry. Let me take care of you when sick”

“Lan Zhan, i dont want to go to gusu”

“We can go anywhere other than Gusu.”

“I wont let you take a single step to that damn place , no offence Second Young master Lan”

“None taken.”

———

(Alternate ending)

Wwx was still unconscious and attacked by a high fever due to infection in his wound. Numerous method has been used to mitigate the after effect of the whip , but to no avail. Infection starts to spread to his legs, and wwx was delirious and moaning in his sleep due to pain. The severity of the wound caused both of his legs to sepsis and the healers has no other way than to amputate the legs to make sure that the infection will not spread internally.

After the surgery of removing wwx’s legs , the infection are able to be minimised but still needs to be monitored. Still, wwx has no signs of waking up. Lwj was loyal to his side , taking care of changing the bandages . Every night , lwj had a nightmare of the reaction of wwx waking up with no legs . One particular nightmare that haunts him the most is weiying took out his own life out of despair. Lwj couldnt sleep for two nights watching over wwx after that nightmare occurs.

After 6 days, lqr visited the room and berates lwj for neglecting his duty as a student of Lan sect. Lwj angrily talks back, and was taken to kneel in the hall for one day. When he came back , no one was watching wwx. He came back with pure silence from wwx .Where there should a ragged breathing from wwx , it was only silence. Wwx’s usually pale lips was ashen. Bandaged chest that should be heaving was still. Wwx finally succumbed to his injuries after 11 days of fighting and lwj (again) was not by his side. His sect (again) are the cause of pain for his beloved ones and has taken everything from him.

—-

Wow took this one hour and a half. This is my second time posting here. 😋 enjoy?

-b

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