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#// songs tony has mentioned directly with his own mouth
sweeterthansammy · 3 years
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Rough Rider || Bucky Barnes
Biker!Bucky Barnes x Female [Romanoff] biker!Reader; The reader is Bucky’s love interest.
Summary: In which Bucky finds interest in a biker chick.
Genre: Smut
Written in third person point of view.
Warnings: Alcohol consumption, public sex, sex on a motorbike, mild choking, fingering, unprotected sex, overstimulation, dirty talk, mild language, and Bucky’s infatuation with a woman that knows how to ride a motorbike :)
Word count: 3.1k+
A/N: Kinda proud of this one 🥲
Important notes: The reader is Nat’s cousin. The reader is at least 21. I know jackshit about motorbikes and models so bear with me. Song used in fic: R U Mine? by Arctic Monkeys. Not BETA’d - all mistakes are mine.
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Bucky entered the compound with a wolf whistle, his gloved hand pointing at one of the floor-to-ceiling windows as he approached the kitchen.
“Whose Harley is that out front?” he asked, completely disregarding Y/N who sat at the island, popping a cherry into her mouth.
“Mine,” she muttered, tongue swiping out of her mouth to lick the red juice trickling down her bottom lip.
Bucky looked from Natasha to Y/N, mesmerized by her E/C eyes and the way they basically pierced right into his. He looked back at Nat, silently asking “who’s she?”
“Y/N, this is Bucky, a complete delinquent that’s best friends with Steve. Buck, meet Y/N, my cousin who serves as a sister more or less.”
Y/N stood, a little black dress clinging to her figure, a leather jacket covering her arms. She extended an arm, shaking Bucky’s hand.
“Woah, strong grip there, buddy.”
He chuckled, removing the leather glove and shoving it into the pocket of his own jacket. She looked down at his metal arm.
“Oh, that’s the…” she trailed off, motioning with her hands to make the situation any less awkward than it already was, failing miserably. “Yeah, that arm.”
Bucky was truly a saint. After Nat had given her a rundown of his story, she couldn’t help but empathize for the man. He was simply broken and all she wanted to do was give him a hug and ameliorate him, it didn't matter if she knew him or not. As Nat was called by Steve to help him with something, she and Bucky remained in the kitchen. She broke the silence, popping another cherry into her mouth.
“Hey, wanna go for a spin?” she asked, jiggling her keys in the air as a way to catch his attention.
“Uh, sure, why not?”
As they were about to leave, she stopped in her tracks, eyes ogling at his motorbike.
“Holy shit,” she muttered, admiring the all-black Yamaha YZF-R6 standing in front of her. “This is yours?”
“Been mine since...since I can remember,” he chuckled, kicking at the gravel with the tip of his boot as she continued to analyze his bike.
“Race me.”
Straightforward, isn’t she?
“What?”
“Race me. Harley versus Yamaha.”
“What does the winner get?”
She thought for quite some time, grinning as she looked down at the beauty in front of her.
“Winner gets a ride on the loser's bike until I can think of something else...unless you have any ideas.”
He eyed the black Harley, red accents screaming his name.
“Deal.”
With that, they swung their legs over their seats, saddling up to take off with their beasts. Y/N buckled her helmet on, leaning forward to rev the engine a bit.
“Ready Buck?” she asked over the roaring of both of their engines.
He pulled up next to her, watching the way she planted both feet on either side of the bike.
“Meeting point is back at the compound. Got it?”
Assertive.
She looked over at him, struggling to find his icy orbs through his tinted shield.
“Got it?”
He simply nodded his head once, both riders looking forward before Y/N gave a countdown.
“3...2...1, go!”
Bucky had heard the wildest stories of Y/N, but he always thought that Nat was exaggerating when she said Y/N was the most badass person she knew. She took off, a trail of smoke following the traces of her bike as she zipped down the road.
Bucky was simply taking his time, muttering a quick “oh shit” to himself as he realized she was already around the corner. He used his charm to his advantage, coming to a full stop. He looked ahead, Y/N already backpedaling to check on him.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, looking back as he panted.
“I think I got a flat.”
As she jumped off her bike and walked over to his, he revved his engine, taking off.
“Nevermind, I think I’m gonna beat your ass,” he winked at her, taking off.
“Hey- that’s not fair!”
She knew he couldn’t hear her but she got back on her bike, slowly cruising down the street. Eventually, Bucky came into sight, leaning on his bike with a smug look.
“I think you owe me something, doll.”
She simply chuckled, getting off her bike.
“That was fowl.”
She hopped off of her bike, holding onto the handlebars of her bike before he took over.
“Wow,” he mumbled, revving the engine.
“Go on, take ‘er for a spin.”
She watched as he took off again, not fighting the smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth.
“And just like that, you’re in love.”
She jumped at the voice that came from behind her, turning to face a man standing at around 6”2’.
“How’d you know?” she asked with a chuckle.
“Bucky’s a pretty good friend of mine. Hated him at first but I grew to love the man as we got older.”
She turned the slightest bit to look at him.
“He’s like a brother,” he assured. “I’m Sam, by the way.”
“Nice to meet you, Sam. I’m-”
“Y/N. Heard lots about you from the Black Widow herself. What are you doing out here anyway?”
“I was just visiting for a few days. Nat wants me to move out here but I don’t know yet.”
“Well, you should. You’ll be with us for the most part. Besides, Bucky’s making you his girlfriend before you even get the chance to pack your suitcase.”
“What makes you so sure about that?”
She could feel her cheeks burning up as he slowly made his way back to the compound.
“I know when my best friend’s in love. He has this look that fails to mask the fact that he’s in love.”
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“Nat, last time we did that-”
“Don’t mention it. Just put your shoes on and come downstairs.”
Y/N rolled her eyes, grabbing a random pair of black high heels before going to meet Natasha downstairs. It seemed that all eyes were on her, everyone admiring the nymph in front of them.
“As I probably mentioned numerous times before-”
“This is your cousin, Y/N. She’s beautiful beyond words and she’s got a killer personality. Nat, I’ve listened to you go on about her for the past two weeks. She’s lovely, but you sound like a broken record at this point, sweetheart,” Steve interjected, offering Y/N a smile while taking Nat’s arm in his.
“She’s got a voluptuous ass too,” she heard Sam mutter under his breath.
“Speak up, sweetie,” she baited with a giggle.
The glare that bored into the side of Sam’s face was all but amiable, his fists copying the actions of his jaw as they tightened at his sides. Sam moved up a bit with a smug, glorious smirk, walking directly next to Y/N.
“You’ve got the man whipped and you haven’t even fucked him yet.”
She nearly choked on her saliva.
“Sam, cut it out,” she scolded the younger man.
“You know it’s true,” he lifted his arms in surrender to her sass, dodging her objection.
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Drinking was hardly ever a good idea when Y/N and Nat were together. Y/N had gotten better over the years, knowing her limit with alcohol, but Nat let all hell loose. Unless they weren’t in the middle of a mission, she was taking shot after shot, drink after drink, until she was struggling to stand on her own two feet. Y/N was amazed sometimes as to how she could drink that much without throwing up.
“Another one, come on,” Nat tugged on her arm, the colored lights making her head grow fuzzy as they stood at the bar.
“Two shots of silver tequila, anything’ll do!”
Y/N gagged merely at the sight of clear liquid filling the little glasses.
“Anything else?” the bartender asked over the blaring music, Nat simply scanning everyone’s glasses along the bar.
“Whatever she’s having, the pink thing.”
She bit her lip to suppress a chuckle, earning a concerned look from an obviously drunken Nat.
“What?”
“I’ll be over there with Sam and Tony.”
“But your shot-”
“Take it - I don’t know, do something with it!”
Y/N pat her back, sliding past her as she made her way to the pair sitting at the booth.
“Not up for dancing?” she queried, looking back and forth between them.
“God, no! What, you want me to look like an idiot?”
“C’mon, Tony! Pepper had to teach you something,” she surveyed the nightclub quickly, a silver arm catching her eye rather quickly. “What about you? I’d love to see the ‘Round Brown’ in action.”
“The falcon comes to life in these settings,” he informed her, winking slyly.
She tucked her straw between her lips, a smooth fruity mixture cascading down her throat to suppress the guffaw that danced at the tip of her tongue. The music changed, the lights dimming to a deep, dark purple. She looked at Tony and then Sam, both of them looking around at mounds of bodies on the dance floor.
She followed their eyes, that damn metal arm catching her eyes again. Tons of women threw themselves at him, wanting to get just a little taste of that metal arm, soon leaving solemnly as he turned them away.
“If you don’t mind, I’ll be over there.”
Sam easily replaced Bucky, the ladies now feeling up on him as if he were some hunk of meat. She didn’t spare a word to Tony, only offering a lopsided smile as Pepper made her way over to the booth. Y/N slid from her seat, feeling a sudden warmth settle upon her skin as she made her way over to Bucky. He finally acknowledged her, pupils amplifying against his gunmetal irises.
She couldn’t help her lips from moving along to the lyrics, “I go crazy 'cause here isn't where I wanna be / And satisfaction feels like a distant memory / And I can't help myself, all I / Wanna hear her say is ‘Are you mine?’”
His eyes were all but sweet and bright, lust written all over his body as her fingers trailed up his chest, cupping his chin deftly.
“Well, are you mine? / Are you mine? / Are you mine?”
She cocked her head to the side, dismayed by his knowledge of the current song.
“Well, that depends, Mr. Barnes. If you want me to be yours, all you have to do is say the word,” she spoke quiet enough for only him to hear, tongue skimming along the edge of his ear.
By the way he licked his lips, she could tell that he wanted to do more than just verbally claim her.
She’s fucking dangerous.
She looked up at Bucky, fingers coyly playing with each other as if she hadn’t just given him a glimpse of a completely different side to her. His lips were on hers in an instant, hands palming her backside as they slowly inched further up her dress, eventually landing on a little strap of leather higher up her thigh.
He couldn’t help his hands from exploring every inch of her skin, nails leaving gentle burning sensations as they raked at her skin. He lost it when her back arched, her chest colliding with his as her fingers soon got lost in his hair, one leg raising to pull his body closer, if even possible. He pulled away abruptly, one hand cradling the underside of her thigh and the other right under her chin.
“I need you to fuck me, like right now, because I think I might pass out if you don’t,” she spoke gravelly, lips crashing onto his once more in a heated, sloppy kiss.
Her feet were swept from the ground in a matter of a few seconds, arms crossing against Bucky’s back as she dangled over his shoulder. Her eyes traveled over the black motorbike once they’d made it outside, squealing as he held onto her hips, pulling her down so she was seated in his lap as he laid back in his seat. Her hands were everywhere all at once, though seeming to avoid the area in which he needed her the most.
It was quite a scene, a cacophony of grunts and whimpers being evoked from the pair. Hearing the engine of his bike roar, Y/N pulled off, pupils fixated on his with her hands on either side of his face. The ride was quite something - full of lingering, teasing touches, sweet, albeit intense, kisses, and reprehensible whispers.
The faint light of a wacky gas station illuminated his silhouette, his flesh hand easily adjusting itself around her throat, the other working to slide her dress just up around her waist before pushing her underwear aside, running two fingers up her folds. She hummed at the feeling, fingernails digging into that of his arm.
“‘S that feel good, doll?” he asked incoherently, voice barely above a whisper as his tongue nudged into her mouth.
She nodded, earning a buoyant pinch to her cunt. Her insides were going feral, wanting nothing more than his cock.
“I need words, toots.”
“F-uck yes, but I-I want y-ou,” she stammered, groaning when his fingers clamped even harder around her clit, thumb stimulating her nub.
He chuckled as her legs attempted to fly shut, only being stopped by his large thighs that were parting them.
“But you already have me, doll.”
“I-I need you to fuck me,” she got out, fingers draining of color as she balled the leather of his jacket.
His fingers pumped in and out of her, curling against her g-spot once before pulling out. She mentally cursed him out for looking so hot, tongue swiveling around his digits to taste her remnants.
“Fucking delicious,” he crooned, tapping his fingers against her lips before having her own tongue pivot around his faux fingers.
She easily freed him of his bottoms, his cock springing to meet his veiled torso. Her eyes widened.
Jesus fuck-
“It’s rude to stare, sweetheart.”
She looked up at him, back down to his cock, and back up to his face.
“Hey, if you don’t wan-”
“No, god no. I still want you to fuck me. You’re just…bigger than average.”
He chuckled, dog tags clanging against his rumbling chest. Her legs were thrown over his thighs in seconds, tip barely prodding at her entrance. She could feel her skin burning up, eager to have him inside of her. He was taking far too long, manipulating her legs into many different angles so it wouldn’t be as uncomfortable. She griped aloud, palms landing flat on his pecs as she pushed him back against the seat.
“Impatient, huh?” he couldn’t help the cocky grin splayed on his face.
“Taking too long,” she grumbled, sinking down onto him.
She groaned at the feeling, being stretched out beyond her limit. Her head lazed back as if she had no vertebrae, hands getting lost in his hair as his hips bucked up into her. She cried out, legs tightening around his hips as she soon began to bounce on his cock.
“Attagirl,” he praised, hands cupping either of her breasts before flicking over her nipples.
With the way he twitched inside of her and with the way her walls clamped around him, both of them could tell they wouldn’t last too long. It was far beyond erratic and the words spurring out of Bucky’s mouth helped the least bit.
“This pussy was made for me, wasn’t it?”
“Bet no one has fucked you this good yet, huh doll?”
Her legs grew tired as she felt herself lurching on the edge of her climax. She fought the burn, arms holding him impossibly tight as her walls fluttered around him.
“Gonna cum, sweetheart?”
She nodded, not being able to get out one comprehensible word. She came around him with a celestial moan, legs twitching ever so gently. His pace didn’t falter once, hands coming up to her waist as he fucked her through her high. Her eyes widened as she felt herself on the verge of another orgasm, Bucky’s pace relentless as he savored the way she felt so snug around his cock.
“Buck-”
“Fuck, you’re killing me, doll.”
He wanted nothing but to fuck the soul out of her, such pleasant sounds rolling off her tongue. It was a matter of seconds before he swung both legs over his bike, not leaving her body at any point, before hoisting both legs around his torso, hips snapping into hers as if his life depended on it. She yelped, his tip grazing at her cervix. For a moment, she saw stars, vision going blurry as he fucked her into oblivion, another release washing over her.
He slowed down a second, picking his pace back up until he was close. At that point, she was hardly even conscious, walls flexing around him with his nails creating crescent-like welts on her thighs. Her legs clung onto his waist, his hips coming to a halt before spurts of cum filled her. She finally opened her eyes when he’d pulled out of her, shivering at the feeling of his cum trickling out of her.
Bucky ventured off for some water and tissues, anything for a quick fix until they got back to the compound. The flashing of red and blue lights fully alerted her now, the siren growing louder as it approached the station. She looked up at Bucky who was walking out of the gas station with a bottle of water and a box of tissues, scrambling to her feet.
“Easy there, doll. I don’t want you passing out on me now.”
“Buck, we need to leave now.”
The sudden urgency in her tone drew a look of worry on Bucky’s face.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, stopping once they faced directly towards one another. “Did I do so-”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” she assured him, pecking his lips quickly. “But, I’m afraid that someone reported us to the cops.”
They drove right up the curb, pulling up next to a pump.
“But we didn’t-”
“Public nudity, Buck.”
“We weren’t even naked!”
“To be fair, your dick was out, sweetheart. Not to mention, you did fuck me in the center of a gas station.”
He looked over his shoulder, the eyes of two middle-aged officers stuck on him. As they made their way over to the pair, Y/N hopped onto his bike, Bucky hot on her tail before tapping her thigh.
“Show me how you ride, princess.”
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an-angels-blessing · 3 years
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Sugar Baby
Song🐣🎵- N/A
Artist🤸‍♂️🎤- N/A
Warnings😳⛔- Fluff, Dinozzo being... well Dinozzo
Prompt🥺🔥- N/A
A 5" 2' black haired woman who appeared to be in her late 20's walked into the quiet office area wearing a guest pass on the strap of her black cross bag. When the elevator door closed, the team's eyes were on this beautiful ebony woman.
~~~~~~~ Reader P.o.v.~~~~~~~
As I walk into the room I don't see who I came here to see, but I can recognize a few members from Jethros description. As I walk over to the group of NCIS agents, who I believe is Dinozzo, walks over to me, taking my hand in his own and kissing it. This causes me to laugh slightly, "Hi, what's your name gorgeous?" I try not to bust out laughing knowing that if Jethro saw this he would flip. Y/N." I give him a quick answer before showing him a smile. I could see the people behind him tense at his attempt to flirt with me. "Well Y/N, I'm Anthony Dinozzo, but you can call me Tony. Where have you been my whole life?" He finally drops my hand as he finishes talking, a cocky smirk planted on his face, not a Jethro smirk but a fuck boy smirk. "London and Married." Those 3 words cause his mouth to hang open and the 2 people behind him to laugh, loudly. I push his chin up, closing his mouth and pat his shoulder as I walk away from him, towards the other 2 agents. "I'm Ziva David and this is Timothy Mcgee. How can we help you?" The female agent holds her hand out for me to shake and I quickly accept with a smile. I then shake Tim's hand and then take a quick look around the entire room. "Is agent Gibbs here at the moment?" The three agents tense at my mention of their stoic boss. "He is down in Autopsy, he should be back soon. Is there something you need him for?" Mcgee breaks the silence in the room, causing me to nod my head. "Well have a seat Y/N" Dinozzo suddenly snaps back into action, point in the direction of what I am guessing is his desk. I take one last look around the room and land on the 4 desks in my vicinity. I take in all the aspects and finally spot Jethro's desk, there is a cup of coffee on the desk, and even more in the trash. I take a seat in his chair and I can see the agents instantly tense and stress. "You might not want to-" Before Tony can finish his sentence I grab the cup off the desk and take a sip. The three agents almost faint, and if the situation was different I would have laughed. Before the agents could get me out of his seat, Jethro exits the elevator. "What the hell are the three of you looking at?" I'm guessing that he hasn't seen me by his words but when he does, I could see his struggle to not smile, which makes me smile. "Boss, she was looking for you and she didn't know it was your desk." Tony goes into a frenzy trying to get his boss to not kill me.
This recieves him a smack to the back of the head, before Jethro grabs the cup out of my hand and takes a sip, shocking the agents. "You should have seen it J, Tony tried to flirt with me." A giggle escapes before I can even finish my sentence, I can see that he wants to be mad but a low chuckle escapes as he takes another sip. If his team wasn't shocked before, they are now. I can see that he wants to sit down, so I get up and go to get another chair, but before I can, Jethro sits down and grabs my waist, pulling me down on his lap. "Does someone want to explain what is happening?" I know that all of them want answers but Tony is the only one with the confidence. It's obvious that Jethro isn't going to answer by the way he wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him before picking up a file off his desk. I go to answer but the elevator dings and Abby walks out, almost instantly seeing me. "Mrs. Gibbs!" Tony's knees buckle at her outburst of my name, causing not only his coworkers to laugh but me as well. "Hello Abby, stop with the misses. I'm younger than you babe." She rushes over to me and hugs me, attempting to not anger Jethro by moving me off of his lap. "G-g-gibbs?!" I think Tony was still coming to grips with Abby's use of my last name. I try to stand up to introduce myself properly but he refuses to let me stand so I remain on his lap and lean into his touch. "Hi, I'm Y/N Gibbs. This man's wife " I rub his thigh, no one can see it, but the tightening of his grip on my waist let's me know that he had a reaction to it. "You're married to him?!" I could feel Jethro tense, I know he has
insecurities about the age gap between the two of us. This made me get extremely defensive, "What.... did you expect me to date you? Sorry, well... not really." Abby starts squealing, she already knew about us but she gets excited everytime. The sequel grabbed EVERYONE'S attention, causing her to quickly apologize. I could tell that Dinozzo wanted to say something else. "Speak Tony." He tensed at my tone and thought about canceling the thought before actually speaking. "So... Sugar Daddy?" This catches all of us of guard, but nonetheless it makes me laugh, I can't tell if he's serious or if he's joking, which only makes me laugh harder. "I have an IQ of 195, I don't need a sugar daddy" I can't help but laugh again. "I'm sorry, but-" Before Mcgee could finish his sentence, Jethro spoke and I mimicked him in a terrible American Accent. "Rule 6" He quickly silenced himself, "I'm joking, he's not. Continue Tim." I smile at the shy male, it can't be easy remembering Jethros rules. "With an IQ that high, shouldn't you be famous." I don't exactly know what to this statement, because I'm not famous in the way he'd think. "So what do you do?" I sigh, thinking of how to answer the boy, so I settled with part of the truth. "I'm a student at Marymount University." Someone else was about to speak up when my phone rang and I instantly know who it was, JJ, telling me that we had a new case. "L/N speaking." After speaking, I could hear Jethro whisper into my other ear, "Liar." The first words that came out of her mouth was exactly what I was expecting. "We got a new case, D.C. district. Call that husband of yours, last victim was a Naval officer. Meet at the table." I could hear Em and Spence in the back, talking about God knows what with how Spence's brain works. "I'm in D.C." I could hear slight giggles from my statement, they didn't know I drove an hour just to see Jethro. "Ok, I'll get Garcia to send you the file." After her sentence, she hangs up, supposedly to call the rest of the team. I knew Jethro heard the entire conversation by the way he released his grip on my waist. When I don't move, he looks at me confused. "I'll look at the file from your computer, plus... they'll be here anyway." He moves us towards his computer so I could use it, before rounding up his team. "We got a case, but we're consulting with the FBI. They'll be here in 30 minutes to an hour." I saw the confusion on his team's face, Jethro wasn't one to comply especially when it comes to the FBI, but it's me so.... whatever. "What are you standing around for. Go." His tone was less than friendly, causing his team to jump into action, it was nice being on the outside view, a few of them went to the elevators while the rest went on their computers. I think he noticed the smile on my face, because I could hear Jethro chuckle. "First time seeing it?" This made me giggle, "Yeah, normally I'm the one rushing to pack and stuff." He pulled me closer and leaned his chin on my shoulder looking at the screen. "You read it." He whispered into my ear. "Because you can't read or because you want to hear my accent." He chuckled at my comment. "Both, now read." This made me smile. "Murders husbands and wives. There seems to be quite a large age gap between the couples. The husband's are killed execution style, while the wives are raped and tortured." I begin to read the file loud enough for Jethro to hear. "Latest victims, Johnathan and Martha Waves. Jonathan was a Senior Chief Petty Officer, just got home after an 18 month expedition. No children or pets. Jonathan was 68 and Martha 24" His breath was hot on my neck, and it was honestly kind of distracting. Before I can say anything, Tony walks in with the keys to the van. "Ready boss." I could recognize that Jethro didn't want to leave me, it's rare that we see each other. "Go, I'll be fine here. I'll look into my case." He reluctantly nods his head and we both stand up, he kisses my forehead before walking away with Tony, McGee and Ziva following close behind. I sat there, scrolling through the file waiting for
either my team or Jethro to come back. Yet somehow, Abby got the message that I was starting to get bored, because when she walked out of the elevator, she walked directly to me. "I thought you had a case, why are you still here?" She sounds glad, but still slightly disappointed as she pulls a chair from one of the other desks and takes a seat. "My case is here, the latest victim was a naval officer." As soon as those words left my mouth, she got excited. "So I can see how you work?" We both giggle, we continue to talk until we hear the elevator door open. Out walks Spence, JJ, Em, Derrick, Rossi, Aaron, Jethro, McGee, Ziva, and Tony. As they reached the small area, they spot Abby and me. McGee, Ziva, and Tony all give me a confused look. "Let me introduce my team, I am Aaron Hotchner, this is Derick Morgan, Emily Prentice,  Jennifer Jareau, David Rossi, Dr. Spencer Reid, and you seem to already be familiar with Dr. Y/N L/N." Hotch points to each member as he introduces them, before pointing to me. "I thought you said you were a student?" Dinozzo's jaw almost hits the floor, "I am, 3rd PHD." I smile innocently and I can almost see the smirk start to form on Jethro's face. "Okay, let's get to work." As the groups split off, we all started looking at the evidence we learned from the crime scenes. There was just something I couldn't understand, I think Spence and Em could see the cog wheels turning in my head. "What's going through that beautiful head of yours?" Em was the first to acknowledge my struggle. "Age gap." My voice was low and I was mumbling. "What?" Spence asked me, "Why age gaps? There always is one." As that sentence came out of my mouth, something clicked, but I had to be sure. I took out my phone and called Garcia. "House of Supreme genius, how many I serve you today?" I giggle at her. "Hey sweetheart, could you look at all the wives checking accounts. How much is coming in, going out, and where? Call me back when you get it." I could hear rapid typing from her side of the phone. "The accent gets me every time, how could I say no. I got you babe, Garcia out!" I could feel the stares from not only Em and Spence, but the rest of the team now. "Would you like to share with the class?" Morgan can't help but be snarky, like Dinozzo but cuter. "Why go after age gaps? That's what I couldn't figure out." I try to talk slow, but the anticipation of Garcia's call is getting to me. "And something Dinozzo said earlier made me realize something." They were all waiting for me to continue when my phone rang. "Hello," I could hear Garcia's chair roll across her floor, assumingly to her other computer. "So, the wives seem to be getting $4000 to $8000 weekly into their checking accounts. And they seem to spend it as fast as it comes. The first Victim, Cindy Washington, was a shopaholic, she spent tens of thousands online a month." So I was right, "Thank you darling. I'll call you if I need anything." I hang up the phone and turn back to the group. "Dinozzo asked if I was a sugar baby, which I'm not. But all of these women, are."
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dovenymph · 3 years
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a film by peter parker
authors note: this was inspired by another thinkerpete tweet that read "peter probably watches the bit from "a film by peter parker" where he's in the car with tony over and over when he misses him" and@peterparkers-bad-youtube-apology’s summer of love prompt list💛💛 also the video edit was made by me so please do not screen record/save and repost it even if you do credit me (also this is unedited so sorry for any typos, i’ll probably go through it sometime this week, i just wanted to post it first)
prompts used: 2. making the backyard/rooftop into a movie theater
my masterlist
warnings: mentions of tony’s death, other than that, nothing but fluff
word count: 3.9k
Peter hated the summer.
Peter hated not having anything to busy himself with; no homework, or academic decathlon, or seeing Ned everyday who could wrap him up in his graphic novel fan theories or the drama in his on and off relationship with Betty. It was petty drama and minor stimulation, but it was something to distract him momentarily. But now Ned was in Aruba with his parents for the entire month which meant Peter had to suffer through the scorching heat of Juy all by himself.
Peter knew he didn’t have to be alone each day, -Aunt May had spent many dinners trying to get him to join her at the movies or the mall, even offering to let him have free reign of the lego store (when he said no to that, she knew he was in worse shape than she thought)- he had a handful of trustworthy and dependable friends he could hang out with for the afternoon like MJ and Betty, or even Flash who had been uncharacteristically nice to Peter ever since he found out he was Spiderman; this having happened only a few weeks after Tony had died and Peter had let him in on his secret to console a sobbing Eugene who, honestly, seemed to be more broken up about the news than Peter was. But even with his expanding friend group, Peter had found the most his body could endure was the contents of his bedroom.
He tried to get back out there after Tony’s passing, he really did, but at the first Iron Man tribute he admired on patrol, his body completely shut down and he swung back home, tears dampening the material of the mask.
So a lonely summer was what Peter submitted himself too, and he’s come to terms with it. He’s rewatched his favorite old shows, started binging some new ones. He’s taken apart and put together his lego death star four times now, each time faster than the last. But he’s been particularly fond of staring out the window. His apartment complex was quite close to the building besides his and he could look down into the backyard everyone had to share. Peter’s building had one as well, but since he was pretty sure he was the only person under 35 who lived there, it went unused.
Next door, there was always a different activity occurring in order for the patrons to beat the heat, and Peter often thought about how easy it would be for him to just go downstairs and introduce himself, and ask to join. It’d really be as simple as that and he’d meet some new people, get a free lunch and a chance to swim in the plastic pool they set up; maybe they’d laugh at his jokes and clap when he did flips, but it was all just a maybe, just in his imagination because his brain never let him wander to far before squandering the idea of getting close to someone again, for if history has taught Peter anything, it's that anything he gets close to, is not meant to stay for long and will be soon snatched away from him in the cruelest of ways.
And this thought is what resigns him to slink back behind his window and pout the day away, as he was doing now, vision blurring as he stared at nothing.
“Hey!”
Peter jumped, his eyes focusing on the target of whoever pelted his window and they landed on your form, slumped against your open windowsill, chin resting on your hand as you gazed back at him.
“Can I help you?” Peter bit back after lifting his window half way, his tone unconsciously laced with annoyance. He really didn’t even notice it anymore since that’s how he’s been speaking to everyone in his life for months now, but when you flinched at his tone, guilt started to creep up his spine.
Before he could ever begin to stumble out an apology, you cut him off “Yeah, is there a reason you stare into my room everyday?”
Peter's face flushed red and he opened and closed his mouth like a fish. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had spoken so bluntly towards him, and honestly, he liked it. He was getting tired of everyone walking on tiptoes around him, he just wanted things to go back to how they were, where he was just Peter Parker, your friendly neighborhood student.
“Or could you at least give me some money for some curtains if you just can’t give up the beautiful view of a concrete wall?”
“S-sorry, I- I didn’t even know you were there.”
Lie.
Peter knew you were there, he always knew when you were there.
Peter Parker isn’t a stalker, though! Sure, he’s gone through some fucked up shit on Earth and in space, so yeah, he wouldn’t call himself the most …sane person he knows, but he really wasn’t a creep. With your buildings being so close and your rooms directly across from one anothers, he was bound to notice you at some point.
And at some point he did. It was the first day of summer and Midtown let out at 12 instead of 3 to mark the occasion, so Peter had been mulling about in his room for quite some time already, thinking about how he heard all his classmates amazing summer plans and how the farthest he was going to go was probably the Thai restaurant down the street, and even that was a maybe. Peter sulked in silence until a couple hours later he heard a door slam closed, thumps from things being tossed on the ground, and a loud groan as he peeked through his windowsill at you who was currently flopped on the bed, window wide open without a care, scrolling on your phone.
At first, he was taken aback by your beauty, a small, small feeling of intrigue spiked his system, but it flew under the radar due to the seemingly everlasting dread that’s been weighing down on Peter's shoulders for months. But he couldn’t look away. You’d been doing nothing but looking at tiktoks mindlessly, occasionally cracking a half smile if a video was particularly amusing, but you still remained cemented to your mattress with no plans on moving anytime soon.
This brought comfort to Peter as he fished his phone out from the bottom of his bag and pulled up Ned’s messages and started to look through the media he sent him, almost two months worth of funny memes and videos that he hadn’t been bothered to look at, and he sat there along with you, aimlessly letting the time pass by. He enjoyed it, knowing he wasn’t really alone in his lazy and distracting behaviors because the pretty neighbor girl was doing just the same.
Ever since then, he’s just been …aware… of your coming and goings. He figured you had a summer job as every other day you were gone for a few hours, a solid shift. But on the days you were home, you also spent it mainly up in your room, every now and then, playing music from your record player, and if he was really lucky, you’d, unknowingly, give him a private concert as you sung out whichever niall horan or ariana grande song struck your fancy that day. He grew quite fond of the music, having added some of the regulars to his own playlist. And he enjoyed knowing you were right there, and he was right here; each of you living your lives, as uneventful as they may be, but you were together in some sort of way.
He’d never spoken to you, the ability of being able to just push his window up and call out to you at any time was what he liked, and each day he thought he’d do it but chickened out, and now it seemed like he’d have to make introductions whether he was ready or not.
“Mmm, right, so you haven’t seen me change or anything like that?” You asked and the content of your question and the inquisitive tone brought a flush to his cheeks.
“N-no! Of course not! I-I’d never do that, why would I even want to look at you? I mean! I don’t think you’re ugly or anything I… I just…”
Peter’s ramblings were cut off with your laugh as it bounced off the summer air and into his room. You were fully leaning out your open window now, and Peter had found himself in the same position, as if he was drawn to you.
“I was only joking with ya, but it's still nice to have the confirmation. I’m Y/N, your neighbor! Obviously.” You trailed off at the end, knowing that information was unnecessary since the boy next door obviously already knew that.
He was like no boy you’d ever seen before, only read about in books. He had a sweet disposition and inviting brown eyes that matched his soft chestnut hair. But he was built like a man, a strong jaw and strong arms. You’d seen him leaving his building everyday on your way to school, and when he’d get dropped off in a big black SUV during the late hours of the night, but he walked in the opposite direction or darted inside so fast,you never really got a chance to take him in.
“…Peter?” His tentative tone snapped you out of your daze and you realized he was introducing himself.
“Sorry, Peter! I- I… got distracted… by your… death star!” You let out, eyes focusing on the black and grey figure resting on his bed.
Peter felt his cheeks heat up as he moved to push it to the ground.
“That’s pretty cool! I finished the star wars series last summer.”
Peter’s eyes snapped up to yours and the friendly smile you were giving him along with the genuine interest in your tone seemed to break something inside him, snapped the band of hesitation that wrapped around his heart. “You did? For the first time?”
“Yeah! I know I’m like super late, but there’s like nine movies!”
Your laughs melded into one as you leaned out your respective windows and began talking about your favorite movie series. Peter was aware that this was unnatural for him. He had been more open to this stranger in the past few minutes than he had to his own Aunt in months and the same guilt from earlier crept up on him. But Peter was having a good time talking to you and he felt his insides turn in excitement when he realized you really had no idea who he was. He had a clean slate with you and he could make any first impression he wanted, well he hoped your first impression of him wasn’t that he was a peeping pervert, but we move, as MJ would say.
You were about to start telling Peter about this new dystopian novel you began reading when you heard a woman call out to him.
“Oh, that’s my Aunt May. She must be home from work. I- I should go say hello.” He explained, a sad look crossing his face that you didn’t quite understand.
You felt your own sadness wash over you, though. You didn’t want to stop talking to Peter either. “Yeah, of course!”
“But we can talk tomorrow right?” Peter asked, his tone laced with uncertainty.
“Oh well, I work double tomorrow… so I probably won’t be home ‘til late.” You said and the way the brown haired boys face visibly fell felt like a punch in the gut and you were scrambling for a reason to make him smile.
“B-but hey! I also get paid tomorrow so if you want, you can come over on saturday and we can have a movie night and we can order a shit ton of take out?”
“Come over to your place?” Peter asked, and he felt himsef involuntarily tense at the idea of leaving his room for the first time in weeks. It was safe in his room. But the pleading look on your face and hopefulness in your tone encouraged him to take the chance.
“I’d love to y/n.” Peter said with a soft smile and you smiled back shyly at him before closing your window and making your way out your room, making sure you were safe in the hall, away from his prying eyes to do a little happy dance.
Peter was unable to wipe the grin off his face as he walked out his room to greet his Aunt.
She heard his feet padding down the hall as she was setting out dinner, “Sorry its not ready yet, Petey, today’s been crazy, but I’ll get started now.” She rushed. Recently, she’s been hoping food’s the key to lift her poor nephews spirits, so each night she’ll either order or make something more fattening, cheesy, and delicious than the last.
“It’s alright May,” Peter let out easily as he turned the counter and placed a kiss on her cheek, “why don’t you let me cook tonight?”
May’s jaw dropped and she blinked a couple times. She could barely get two words out of Peter recently, and they were always either a meak thank you for dinner or an it was good when she asked about his day. She felt her eyes tear up at the slight sliver of her old Petey back.
“O-oh, really, you wanna cook?”
Peter ducked his head down at the ingredients in front of him to avoid looking in her eyes, his heart dropping at the glossiness that overtook them. He truly hadn’t realized how closed off he’d been. “Well, how about we do it together?” He began and the face splitting grin that spread across May’s face was all he needed to know he was taking a step in the right direction.
“G-good idea, honey. Can’t have the house burn down, can we?”
“Hey!”
May laughed and kissed Peter’s head as they began winding through the kitchen, making casual conversation. It was just like the old days, May thought. Before the wave of devastation drowned Peter as he lost a father figure, once again.
“So what did you do today, P? Do you know when Ned get’s back? I’m sure you’re both excited to see each other.”
“Oh, uh, yeah, I am. I don’t know when he get’s back actually, but that’s okay-“
“I know you like your peace and quiet, I really do, but I do think it’ll be good for you to get out of the apartment for a little bit, see if Michelle is available. Oh! Or maybe that Lisa, Liz! I liked Liz, see if she’s available-“
“May! Its okay. I don’t need to hang out with Liz Allen,” Peter grumbled, “I- I made a new friend actually.”
May looked over at Peter in confusion since he hadn’t gone out or had anyone over in weeks, that she could remember; and Peter took her silence as an opportunity to continue.
“The neighbor.”
“Mrs. Wozniak?”
“No! Y/n, she lives in the next building over. And my room is right across from hers. We’re gonna hang out on saturday.”
“Oh?” May raised her brows at her nephew and bit back a smile, much to Peter’s chagrin. “Is she pretty?”
“And that’s relevant why?”
“I don’t know!!” May drawled and Peter just rolled his eyes and kept chopping the vegetables in front of him, the blush adorning his cheeks refusing to go down as he thought yes, yes she is.
.・゜゜・  ・゜゜・.
You yanked the door open as soon as you heard Peter’s knocks against it. He jumped back a bit, his arm still partially raised from when he knocked and you silently berated yourself for being so eager, but the spreading smile across his face made you feel not so bad.
“Oh, sorry, I was just-“
“It’s alright.” Peter replied with a soft smile, and you let yourself trace the golden flecks in his eyes before he cleared his throat, once again, snapping you out of a daze. You seemed to be in a dreamy state around him alot.
“Can I come in? I brought my Star Wars DVD collection by the way, I know you’ve seen them, but this one has the director's cut which I thought totally changed the course of the first trilogy!” Peter explained, rocking on the balls of his feet in excitement.
You bit your lip at the sight, his cuteness was rubbing off on you. “Yeah, that sounds great, but actually we aren’t gonna be watching in here.” You said, grabbing the bag of Chinese food and snacks and stepping out.
Peter’s face sputtered as you both walked to the stairs. He’d spent all day building up his courage to just go six feet from his building, there was no way he’d be able to go around the city with you for the fear of seeing something that’ll remind him of the avengers or crime.
“Y’alright?” You asked, noticing Peter’s stony silence as you walked down the last flight and made your way to the back gate.
“Yeah, sorry, I guess I’m just nervous. I haven’t really hung out with anyone new in a while, well, with anyone at all really.”
You smiled in sympathy, “I get you, I haven’t either. All my friends are out of town, so I’ve mostly just hung out in my room, too.”
“But you already knew that, don’t ya stalker?”
Peter rolled his eyes and shoved your arm as you laughed, glad you got his nerves out of his system. You unlocked the gate and lef Peter to the back garden.
“Woah..” Peter let out. There was a large white sheet hung up between two trees, and a projector set up on the table behind where a blanket lay, covered in a mess of pillows. The setting sun lit up by strung lightbulbs.
“You like? I figured since we both seemed to be home bodies, we could have the fun of the movie theatre, but here!”
Peter felt his heart swell at your words. You’d only known him for two days, and you already treated him with so much consideration and kindness. “I- I love it, y/n. This is amazing.”
He saw how you tucked your cheek into your shoulder in bashfulness and felt his spirits raise even higher. You were adorable.
“I’m glad you like it. I hope the projector works though, it took me forever to translate the instructions.”
Peter walked over to it and gave it a once over. “It seems fine to me, but I can always look at it if you want.”
“Oh yeah? You good with tech?”
“Good enough to get by. I needed it a lot while working with Mr. Stark” Peter began, forgetting that he wasn’t talking to an old friend.
“You worked with Tony Stark?!?”
“Oh.. oh yeah, only for a little! I was an intern.” He said quietly, beating himself up for even bringing up the topic of Tony. The last thing he wanted to do was cry in front of a pretty girl.
“Wow, that must’ve been amazing. You, you must miss him a lot then, huh?”
“Yeah,” he chuckled lifelessly. “Yeah I do.”
“But no matter, we’re here to have a good time right?”
“Yeah, yeah we are!” You grasped his hand and gave him a sympathetic squeeze -neither of you blind to the sparks that shot from the place your hands met- and got settled on the blanket.
Two and a half moves later, the sun had set and the two of you were sitting in the darkness, the only light coming from the flickering of the projector as the abandoned movie played. You and Peter were sitting cross legged, facing each other as he told you another story about working with the Avengers.
“Yeah, it was so crazy!! We were in this airport and he went from being like two inches tall to two hundred feet, it blew my mind. But it was okay though, because I had this idea-“
“Wait, wait, wait. You were there? Why?” You asked, loving every adventure filled anecdote he told you, but it wasn’t all adding up. For just an intern, he seemed incredibly close to Mr. Stark himself, but then again, you’d only known him for less than a week and you also wanted to go everywhere with him.
Peter worried his lip, thinking about how he could worm his way out of this one. Why would a teenage intern be at the Avengers civil war? He figured he could lie, or even just run away and buy black out curtains. Maybe he could convince Aunt May to switch rooms with him even. But you’d already brought so much light to his life in multiple aspects, and he thought, just maybe, you’d be able to bring light to that aspect of his life too.
“You know what, lemme just show you! Wait here, I’ll be back!”
Peter ran back down, his Chewbacca flash drive in hand, adrenaline running through his veins. He plugged it into your laptop and dug up a folder he hadn’t touched in almost eight months.
“What’s this?” You asked as he sat back down next to you.
“You’ll see.” He said, eyes glued to the screen in front of him.
A Film by Peter Parker, read the title as a compilation of videos featuring Peter, Happy, Aunt May, the Avengers, and Tony projected before you both.
Peter heard you gasp as the camera flashed to the suit, and saw, from the corner of his eye, how your head snapped towards his as he backspringed across the battleground. The film continued and neither of you could tear your eyes from the screen. Peter felt his eyes well up with tears as a scene with him and Tony talking to the camera began and he thought that watching this was a bad idea and he was about to turn around and turn it off when he felt your fingers intertwine with his.
He sucked in a sharp breath at the warmth you brought him and he squeezed back, his brain nearly malfunctioning at the speed in which he tried to memorize the feel of your hand in his. But his senses were overloaded as he picked up on your accelerated heartbeat.
The two of you continued to watch the video, neither moving even when it autostarted from the beginning, and this time you laughed outwardly at the funny parts, and asked him questions about why Happy didn’t seem to like him.
“What did you do to him Peter?”
“Nothing I swear!”
“Likely story.”
And he felt the steel blanket of grief fall off his shoulders. The feeling of intrigue and excitement for going back to life was no longer a small trail buried deep within him, but now a firecracker that ignited his insides and aurated off of him. Things were going to be alright, he was going to make it out this summer with more than just the memories from his bedroom, and he’d make it through whatever else life would throw at him, as long as he had you by his side.
Because you didn’t make his heart beat faster out of fear, you made him feel flustered and full of affection.
And you didn’t hold him roughly, with the intent to harm him; you held him delicately, and he could only wait to be able to hold your heart the same way.
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quietmyfearswith · 4 years
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to build a home {dark!bucky barnes x fem!reader}
to build a home {dark!bucky barnes x fem!reader}
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status — ongoing (?) idk i had a second part in mind but we’ll see
warnings —  somnophilia (so non-con), male mastubration, unprotected penetrative sex (in my head the reader has birth control), rough sex, hints at breeding kink, slight praise kink, degradation, attempt at fluff, i think thats all but let me know if i miss something
word count — 9,351 words
a/n — i had this idea for an airbnb thing where the host was into the guest and perfect timing that @imanuglywombat​ was having a challenge, congratulations by the way on your achievement! and one of the moodboards was a mountain-themed one (the one at the left) and the prompt that i chose was  By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top/I climbed the tree to see the world/When the gusts came around to blow me down/I held on as tightly as you held onto me which is an excerpt from the song to build a home by the cinematic orchestra. i tried not to directly quote the lyrics but instead imply it as best as i can. had fun writing this and was the longest fic i’ve ever written. feedback would be very much appreciated,, have a great day and stay safe guys!
masterlist
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 Bucky Barnes needed a vacation.
Needed, not wanted or desired, for it was what he required in order to function like a proper human being. Considering every bullshit he’s been through — the world war, the brainwashing, fighting for his life, dying and then being brought back to life — he was definitely entitled to a break.
After bringing everyone back, the team now strives to bring back order and peace. Bucky agreed to be part of the Avengers and SHIELD, but with a unique position. He’d train and prepare their recruits by whipping them into shape and go on missions only if he was deemed as an essential asset. The only reason he took that position because that was what Steve did as he passed down the title of Captain America to Sam. Stark too just became one of the representatives of the organization in order to focus on his family.
It was tricky at first — looking for food and water, source of electricity, gathering supplies, and having the money to do so. That’s when Tony suggested he put his a-framed house on an application called Airbnb. He was confused at first but his simple understanding was that someone would pay him if he agreed to share his house for a given number of days.
It was tricky at first — looking for food and water, source of electricity, gathering supplies, and having the money to do so. That’s when Tony suggested he put his a-framed house on an application called Airbnb. He was confused at first but his simple understanding was that someone would pay him if he agreed to share his house for a given number of days.
The suggestion worked well. Most of those who booked stayed one day and one night, the longest someone stayed was two days and a night. And it wasn’t because he used to be the Winter Soldier and they feared him, but simply because they needed a place to stay before heading up further into the mountains.
Despite the house having three bedrooms, Bucky only posted one being available. The other two bedrooms he prohibited the guests to stay on, even to enter, since those were reserved for him and Steve. Vacationers who stayed in here were very much respectful of his wishes and didn’t pry further more.
As he was watering the selection of plants, vegetables, and fruits that he has, he felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket. Setting the watering can down, he pulled out his phone and noticed how there was notification saying that someone booked the available bedroom he had.
“Booked for 2 weeks?” He read out loud the details of how long the stay of his upcoming visitor would last. It was odd to say the least, but who was he to judge someone for their stay? Tucking the phone back to his pants, he noticed how Alpine was drinking from the watering can he put down, he stroked her fur and smiled when he purred and nuzzled her face further into his palm, “Looks like we’ll have someone staying with us for quite a while, Al,” the 3 month old kitten simply looked up at him and purred once more, “Be a good girl for me alright?”
Following the notice that someone was gonna stay in his house for two weeks, Bucky busied himself in preparing the house — which took only two days for him to do so. He made sure that the rented bedroom was cleaned and that the bed sheets were changed and cleaned. Cleaning up Alpine’s hairballs and fallen furs was something he also did in preparation.
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It was a sunny Tuesday morning and he was sitting down on one of the patio chairs, reading a book with Alpine on his lap, when he heard a car pulling up. Setting the book down on the small patio table, he took in the Jeep Wrangler that was parking, but what really caught his attention was who stepped out of the car.
“Hi, I’m Y/N! Are you Bucky? The one who owns the place I’ll be renting for the next two weeks?” Her tone was gentle and friendly, but it was her smile that really captured Bucky’s attention even more. Shakily, he replied, “Yeah, it’s me. Nice to meet you,” he held out his right hand — his other hand had a glove to conceal the metal — for her to shake, to which she shook his hand. 
“Oh there’s the cat you mentioned,” she unclasped her hand with his and took note of the fur ball that was standing beside Bucky — it was just really her way of getting his attention and wanting more rubs. “Oh yeah, this is Alpine, hope you’re not allergic or anything?” he wondered as he picked Alpine up and massaged her face a bit, to which she purred loudly. 
Y/N chuckled at the scene in front of her, “Not allergic, just wasn’t around cats a lot so I’m not used to them.” Bucky admired her honesty and assured her, “Well don’t worry about her, she’s extremely well-behaved.”
Usually, the guests had no problem bringing in their things from their respective cars and into their room. But there was something about her aura and personality that made him want to stay close to her as much as he could. So he suggested that he help her in bringing in her items. “Did you run away or something? Because I’m telling you now, near the mountains might not be the ideal place to do so,” he joked as he carried two of her duffel bags. As he opened the door to where she’d be sleeping for almost half a month, he put down her bags on top of the dresser.
Y/N set down the backpack and messenger bag she had near the night side table, “Well if the mountains aren’t ideal, then why are you here then?” she retorted back as she sat down on the edge of the bed. Bucky leaned on the dresser and crossed his arms and looked at her with wonder, “So you’re gonna turn this back on me huh?” he teased her.
To which she giggled at, “I’ll tell you my reason for staying here for two weeks if you tell me how you ended up here,” she persuaded him. He sighed dramatically and smiled right after hearing her laugh again at his antics, “The simple answer? I’m here for a vacation. A much needed and a long overdue one at that. How about you?”
She pursed her lips and nodded, she felt that maybe there was more to that but didn’t want to seem nosy so she explained her stay, “Well I’m here to test out some mountain and hiking equipment. It’s my work actually we’re this company that advertises and reaches out to endorsers and tells them about certain products like that one,” she pointed to the duffel bags behind him, “I get to test them, give them an honest review of the products and then let them know.”
“Huh, that’s a unique job,” he said as he ran his hand on his stubbled chin, “Well, I’m gonna let you settle down for now. Feel free to roam around the house, the other two bedrooms are the only ones off-limits,” he informed her and started to make his way out of the bedroom when he heard her call out, “Thanks, Bucky! You’re a great host, so far. Just let me know when I annoy you too much!”
Though it was meant to be a joke, the super soldier thought to himself, Don’t think you will ever annoy me, baby girl.
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Before it was even noon, Bucky found himself preparing pasta. What was unusual, is that he was making food enough for the both of them. Usually, he wouldn’t go out of his way to prepare meals for his guests; but he would allow them to use the kitchen as they please as long given that they clean it up after and place things back as they were. But there was something about Y/N that inspired him to make an effort. 
Just as he turned the stove off and closed the lid with his left hand that had an oven mitt, he heard footsteps coming from the stairs, and he looked up to see her descending form and smiled warmly at her, “I cooked some pasta, just if you wanna eat or something,” he nervously mumbled as she finally stopped on the opposite side of where he was and sat down on one of the bar stools. “Smells good, I’d love to have a bite if you will too.” 
Bucky then brought out two bowls and as he filled them with pasta, Alpine was clawing at his feet and her paws felt a bit warm to his legs that were exposed since he was wearing basketball shorts. As he handed her one of the bowls, he bent down and tucked his beloved kitten onto the sweater he wore, so her head was the only thing seen as it dangled from the neckline of his sweater. “That’s adorable! She just really loves you doesn’t she?” Y/N cooed watching how the kitten peacefully closed her eyes and snuggled closer to Bucky even though he walked around before sitting down beside her, she noticed as well how he didn’t care to remove the mitt on his left hand.
“I was surprised as well with how she loved human touch, which made me think that she isn't a cat but instead a dog, actually,” he shared as she looked at Y/N and smiled as she laughed as she ate. “Though I am curious as to why you’re wearing a sweater when it’s one of the hottest days of July?” As soon as the question left her mouth, she felt how there had been a shift in the atmosphere. How the fun and breezy energy they both were radiating earlier had been converted into something that was stiff and somber.
“I mean, you don’t really need to tell me,” she assured him right away, her right hand reaching for his left forearm and she gently caressed it even though she found it odd how his arm seemed to be more rigid than it looked like, “I was just worried that you might get too hot to the point of dehydration or heat stroke or something like that.” Bucky nodded and went back to ingesting the meal he cooked.
“You’re already hot, but I don’t want you to be too hot to the point you combust,” that comment of hers was something she muttered lowly. But it wasn’t soft enough to get past his super soldier hearing, “Did you say something?” Bucky asked and he tried his best for his facial features to not give away the fact that he heard her clearly. With wide eyes, she just shook her head and quickly filled her mouth with pasta to avoid explaining what it was she said.
Deciding to spare her from shame and embarrassment, he decided to change the topic by asking, “Do you have an itinerary for today?” He looked at her and saw how she had already finished her pasta and was making a move to wash her bowl and utensils, “I’m planning to go for a bit of hike — to test out some items like trekking poles, water jug, backpack, and this windbreaker they made me try out.”
“That sounds fun,” Bucky commented as he placed the fork on his bowl, waiting for her to finish cleaning up, “Would you wanna tag along with me?” as she looked up to ask him, she looked nervous. Perhaps she was filled with doubts and hesitation that she might seem invasive of his privacy, and indeed, that was what she was thinking about.
Smiling warmly at her, Bucky expressed his desire to join her in the hike, “I’d love to join you, doll.”
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45 minutes had already passed since they started their hike and there was probably a few more minutes before they would finally reach the higher portion of the mountain. “I think it’s great you agreed to come along with me, Bucky,” the super soldier heard her mention behind him. He was taking the lead and guiding her as she followed him and held on to her trekking poles to stabilize her. “Why’d you think that, doll?” He looked back to her and held his right hand for her to take, to which she did and helped her go higher than to where she was currently.
She let out a breath, which made him chuckle at her antics, “Well for one, I wouldn’t have an amazing tour guide,” she teased him as she jokingly nudged his abdomen with her finger. Normally, Bucky would flinch or turn away when someone he doesn’t really know or is not completely familiar with touches him, especially when it was the metal arm. But this was already the third time she’d touch her and in those three times he did once did not find it uncomfortable. 
“And second, I’d get lonely during this trip,” she concluded as she smiled brightly at him. “I’m glad to have joined you as well, doll.” The nickname he gave her made her blush to which he thought that the rose color looked good on her. “And I don’t know if you noticed, but there’s an amazing view behind me. So enjoy the view, doll.” When Bucky moved to the side, that was when Y/N had a chance to fully see the view, and it was unlike anything she has ever seen. The clear lake was breathtaking & the clouds were scattered in the sky though it did not shelter the sunlight. “Wow,” she breathed out and turned to her host and tilted her head when he saw his gloved hands reaching for his backpack and getting a blanket and laid it on the ground. As he sat on it, he patted the spot beside him, a cue for her to take the spot.
Putting her backpack down, she placed the trekking poles beside it before settling on the spot the man beside her patted. “You come here often?” she inquired, she was pretty sure he did since he knew how to get there quickly and safely. “Not everyday, just when I’m bored with housework,” he said as he took off the glove in his right hand.
She nodded and went to get the thermos from her backpack, as well as some chips and chocolates that she offered him, to which the super soldier opted for the chocolate. “So it means you are always here then huh?” she joked to which he laughed loudly, and she thought how adorable it was to see him crinkle the side of his eyes as he carelessly threw his head back in laughter. “I’m serious! You can only do so much housework before you get bored in your house!” she argued.
“Honestly, I’d rather be bored,” Bucky started as he munched on the chocolate she’d given, “For the longest time I was always busy, to put it nicely. And it’s a relief to be ridden of exhausting responsibilities.” Her heart ached at what he said, she might have not fully known what his work was but she could feel the exasperation in his voice. “Sorry for what I said, I was just teasing you,” she offered him a small smile.
Tickling her sides, he relished in the giggles she released, “I know, we don’t need to bring the mood down,” he assured her, “So, what is your review so far of the items you have?” His mention of it did remind her how she needed to take note of how she was satisfied or dissatisfied with the products, shuffling through the things in her backpack, she reached for the notebook which housed the feedback she had for different products.
Writing down her remarks, she also voiced it out for Bucky to hear, “The water jug did keep my water cold. Backpack’s material was not too heavy but it was able to fit all of my items. And this windbreaker,” she struck a pose which once again made Bucky laugh and it made her feel good to know that she can get him to laugh, “Did make me sweat but it’s too thin it’s making me chilly.”
Just as she mentioned how the windbreaker failed to prevent her from feeling cold, there was a gust of cool wind that when she felt it graze her skin, made her visibly shiver. Bucky didn’t like how she frowned on the sensation of being hit with the frosty breeze and wrapped her arms around herself; despite only wearing his sweater and a jacket, he didn’t have to react the same way thanks to the serum. He moved behind her and pressed his chest against her back, wrapping both his arms around her; his right hand wrapped around her stomach while the left hand rested on her thigh.
A sharp intake of breath signified how she was taken aback, but she didn’t find it awkward and instead she found herself instinctively leaning against his chest until the top of her head was just right under his chin. “Is this alright?” she wondered to him, and when she sounded so small, so vulnerable. As he smiled, he comforted her, “Wouldn’t have come close to you if it wasn’t alright, now would I?”
To hide the blush starting to form, she turned away from him and began to write on her notebook about her observations. They sat comfortably in silence; Bucky’s eyes wandered around the scenery, while Y/N was heavily focused on writing the feedback for the different products she got to try so far. The hand on her thigh that was gently caressing her and the steady yet strong heartbeat of the man behind her provided her with a sense of tranquility unlike anything she ever felt. 
Leaving the pen on the inside of the notebook, she closed it and placed it beside her backpack. While still looking at the lake she shared with him, “I’ve always wanted to live by the lake.” Not having enough of her warmth and wanting to be close to her, he pushed himself even closer to her, to the point their thighs were now touching each other. “Yeah? Why’s that?”
She shrugged her shoulders and leaned back so the back of her head touched his right shoulder, “Always loved being in the water — whether I’m swimming or rowing a boat. Doesn’t matter what as long as I’m near the water I’m the happiest there.” As she said that he couldn’t help as his mind was filled with the images of the two of them living together and going for daily trips to the lake. And how they’d probably end up fucking or making love by the lake. 
Managing to bring himself back to the present, Bucky suggested, “Why not live with me then? That way you’ll always be a few minutes away from the lake.” Her laugh was so loud that he felt the vibrations of it through his chest with how close they were. “Don’t wanna burden you forever, you know? But maybe when I’ve saved enough and I don’t know, have the ability to work from home, I might just move near a lake.” 
He frowned at her thought that she considered himself a burden. They’ve spent almost a day and yet he knew in himself how he wanted to spend every day of his life with her. It might seem too soon for that, but he argued that he felt safe with her. That she made him happy. But there was this thought that lingered on his mind; that he was just deprived of affection for the longest time and now that someone’s been showering him with it, he doesn’t want to go a day without experiencing it ever again.
“Well, you’re always welcome in my house, it’s not really much of a home to me anyway,” the optimism in the first part was overshadowed by the sadness in the latter part of his statement. She looked over at Bucky and was saddened to see how his shoulders dropped and there was a sad smile on his lips, “What?” Because what else could she really say?
His eyes refused to meet her concerned orbs, and instead looked at anything but her. “With everything I’ve been through and done, it would be difficult for me to find someone to settle down with.” Upon hearing this, Y/N felt glum with Bucky's response and with how he looked as he said it. She held his right hand and squeezed it reassuringly, “Whatever it is you’ve done and been through is in the past. I’m sure that you’ve changed and grown from who you once were. You deserve to be happy, Bucky.”
What if I wanna be happy with you, baby? He thought to himself for a few seconds, and in a split second decision, he unclasped their hands and reached to where his left hand was still wrapped with a glove. “I’m going to be showing you something, and before you can ask me anything, I’d rather get everything off my chest first, alright?” Y/N looked uneasy yet at the same time curious with what he was going to open up to her. 
Untangling his arms from her warmth, he first took care of removing the jacket he wore. She turned to face him and was eager to ask questions but chose to remain silent. As he placed the jacket on top of his bag, he removed the glove that shielded her from fully seeing the lack of flesh on his left hand and instead was greeted with metal.
Y/N lets out a loud gasp as she looks down on the prosthetic arm Bucky had. As her gaze shifted from his hand to his eyes, the super soldier could see how her face wrinkled not in pity, but in worry and concern. What happened? Who did this to you? Did it hurt? Are you still in pain? Those were the four questions that were loitering her mind and Bucky somehow had the idea that those were the things that she had in mind.
“I don’t know if you know, but I was the Winter Soldier. HYDRA, an evil organization, brainwashed me and made me do their dirty work. When they found me, I had fallen off a ravine which made me lose my arm. They gave me a metal one, to make me stronger and more invincible I guess.” Even though he only provided her a summary of what he’s been through, he failed to realize how a few stray tears escaped his eyes. Dainty and delicate fingers wiped his tears away and he smiled at the action. 
They both were silent for a few moments, the hundred year old man was bracing himself for the moment Y/N was going to bid him adieu, and he wouldn’t blame her for who would want someone with so much baggage? “You said it yourself, Bucky, you were brainwashed,” she soothed him as her hands settled on his stubbled cheeks and her touch was feather-like and was giving him comfort unlike any other, “That wasn’t what you wanted to do. They forced you to do it. I’m sorry that that happened to you, but you don’t need to let your past define how your future will turn out to be. You’re free now, you take control of your fate.”
She ended her statement by placing a warm kiss on his forehead; the action had Bucky smiling and looking at her sheepishly with crimson in his cheeks. “You’re too kind, doll,” he shyly responded to her assurance. “I meant every word, Bucky. You deserve to be happy,” she then hugged him tight, her smaller frame snuggling into his larger one. With the side of her face resting on his chest and his chin resting on the top of her head, she failed to see how Bucky was smiling widely as a thought and plan came into his mind. I will be happy, baby. Soon, with you.
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Following their small heart-to-heart talk, they both went home just as the sun set — not before taking a few pictures of course, mostly of Y/N because Bucky loved how the combination of pink and yellow complimented her skin — so he wanted to take photographs to remind him of this lovely memory. And as they both went home, they bonded even more as they ate dinner. 
The following day, however, they both didn’t get to spend as much time as Bucky would have wanted. She told him during breakfast how today she’ll try the pocket WiFi that was given to her. And in the process of doing so she would be having meetings with some of her co-workers. Instead of sulking around, the war veteran tended to his garden, harvesting the vegetables and plants that he deemed were already ready to be eaten, he also washed and dried his laundry, and cleaned Alpine’s litter box. 
By the time he had done all his chores, it was already quarter to 5 pm when he settled on continuing to read the book on the porch with Alpine once again laying on his lap. Today’s heat had been more cruel than it was yesterday and with his lovely guest not knowing about the truth of his left arm, he traded the long sleeves for a tank top paired with basketball shorts. Just as he was reading about the climax of the novel, he heard the front door opening and footsteps approaching him, “Hey Bucky, how you doing?” 
The mentioned man placed his book down on the table and turned to her with a smile, “Busied myself with housework. Are you done with your test and meetings?” He hoped that she was done with her work, he already missed spending time with her and he wondered that maybe this was what Alpine felt like whenever she wanted to be snuggling next to Bucky. “Yeah I’m done for today! And I was thinking that maybe I can cook something? Was there something you’d like to have for dinner?”
The cheeky part of him thought of telling her how he’d love to have her for dinner but decided he did not want to creep her out. “Surprise me with you culinary skills, doll,” he challenged her and he chuckled with how she responded, “You bet! I’ll make a meal that will make you forget your name with how good it is!”
Throughout the entire time that she made the meal, he kept her company and the conversation between the two flowed effortlessly. Every possible topic that they could talk about, you can bet that they talked about it. And even as they were both eating supper, they both shared more about their personal life. Bucky shared about how things were back in the 40’s and how he missed dancing.; while she shared more about her family and the different jobs she had.
One thing that Bucky was more than pleased to find out was that she was single and had not been dating anyone for a while. After dinner, Y/N found herself wanting to sleep right away due to exhaustion of her work-filled day. But before she did, she asked Bucky if it was alright for them to go back to the lake since she wanted to go for a swim, to which he replied with, “If it’ll make you happy, doll, then I’ll do it.” She masked the giddiness she felt by telling him goodnight and how she couldn’t wait to go.
As the super soldier laid down on his bed, he couldn’t prevent the goofy grin forming on his lips as he recalled how close he got with one of his guests. He never imagined how she could have made this impact on him in a short amount of time. Though he failed to bond with her for the majority of the day, he reassured himself that tomorrow — and possibly the next few days — they’d both get to make up for it. But there was something inside him that seemed too impatient to wait, and instead was extremely eager to start compensating for the time they failed to spend with each other.
Which led him to where he was right now; walking out of his bedroom as he strides with purpose and like a possessed man making his way to where the girl who plagued his mind currently was peacefully sleeping. Quietly, he opened the door just enough for him to take a peek to see if she was startled by the action even though Bucky did so with caution. Not noticing any movement or reaction, he opened the door wide enough to allow himself to enter and closed it as he welcomed himself in her room. Standing at the foot of the bed, he couldn’t help but admire her sleeping form; she was laying on her right side with her right hand pressed to her cheek and her left arm propped down on her waist. He noticed how the end of the blanket that was draped over was along the middle region of her thighs, exposing her lower legs.
He stood there, marveling at how peaceful and how pure she looked. He imagined himself snuggling her frame and providing her with warmth whenever the night got too chilly. Or how he wouldn’t mind her using his metal arm as her pillow as long as he got to run his fingers through her skin in an attempt to lull her to sleep. Or how he would whisper sweet nothings and words of assurance to her should she awake due to a nightmare.
The wholesome and loving thoughts he had took a different turn when her left hand unconsciously  bunched up the sheets and moved it away from her body, which exposed her unclothed body to the hungry eyes of Bucky. She laid there with no clothing of any kind and the blanket — which was now pooling between her under boob and just below her navel — now barely concealed her body. His gaze was now roaming around her body and hungirly took in the view; her breasts looking as if it was the most delectable thing he’d ever seen with her gum drop nipples all stiff due to the wind, her luscious legs were just begging to be touched and worshiped, and her cunt, that though he couldn’t properly get an entire view of due to how she was facing the wall but from from where he stood he can see how pretty and enticing it was with how she chose to groom it. 
One thing that he was more than grateful for is that her ass was fully exposed and should he choose to sit on the chair that was right across where she laid, he would have gotten a great view of it; and so he did. Sitting down on the chair, he found himself lowering the boxer shorts he wore that suddenly became too tight for his cock that hardened. “Fuck,” he hissed as he began to slowly stroke himself, teasing himself and wanting to savor the view that he had.
From slowly running his hand up and down his shaft, those strokes became fast as his mind was filled with images and scenarios of him taking Y/N in various ways.
“Fuck Bucky, harder,” she moaned as she felt Bucky’s grips on her hips tighten before he controlled her body to match his thrusts, moving her along as he slid in and out of her as a response to her plea. Wanting to feel more of her, one of his hands left her hips to grip her shoulder and pull her to him so her back was pressed against his sweaty chest; to keep her steady and against his chest, the hand on her shoulder detached from her shoulder and moved to hold on to her breast, pulling and tugging on the swollen nipple.
“That what you want, baby girl? Need me to fuck you hard?” He teased her as her whines increased at the assault he was doing to her. She just nodded her head rapidly, but that wasn’t enough for Bucky, he let go of her breast and slapped both of them hard enough to elicit a reaction out of her, “I wanna hear you say it! Say you like getting fucked hard like a slut!” 
“I love it! I love how you’re fucking me like a slut, Bucky!” she moaned out loud and found herself hooking her hand to his hand that wasn’t on her hip. The man simply smirked at how much of a wreck she was and he loved it.  She guided his hand to her neck and his smirk became even more sinister and he let her know his appreciation, “Yeah you’re just a filthy girl aren’t you,” his grip on her neck tightened and he felt her tighten and got the hint that she was close,  “And since I love my filthy girl, why don’t you come for me?”
Bucky knew he was nearing his climax, but he decided that the visual wasn’t enough for him; he needed the actual thing. Completely undressing himself, he walked towards where she was laying and turned her gently so she now laid on her back. “Goddamn you’re beautiful, baby,” he whispered as he kneeled on the bed and his knees were on the sides of her body. He stretched her left leg to the outside of his right knee, her inner thigh grazing his knee. While he lifted her right leg and let it rest on his shoulder.
Rubbing his right hand on her clit, he felt how wet she already was and slid a finger in, moving his finger around, he took note of how she was completely drenched. “I guess you pleasured yourself before sleeping huh?” Pulling his finger out and bringing it to his lips, his suspicion was confirmed as he tasted her sweet juices.
“This’ll be easier then,” he sighed as he pushed his cock in and slid in one swift motion thanks to her juices. He stared off with slow and long thrusts, checking to see if she’ll wake up — thankfully she didn’t. He then took this as his queue to give her harder thrusts, pulling out until his tip lightly brushes the opening of her tight canal and pushing all the way in with force until his balls were pressed tightly against her ass.
“Can’t wait for you to enjoy this when you’re awake doll,” Bucky rasped out in between his thrusts, which were now slowly becoming faster. The speed of his hips were causing the bed to shake and he feared that if it weren’t for his actions, then maybe the sound of the bed hitting the wall would cause her to regain consciousness. But she was so deep in her slumber that she didn’t.
“Gonna cum, gonna cum inside of you. Will mix my juices with yours,” Bucky moaned lowly. And he felt his climax nearing that his judgement was clouded and his sole focus was to let himself go. So he moved around in the bed until his feet hit the floor and spread her both legs wide open to the sides, all without pulling himself out.
Placing his hands on both her inner thighs, he pressed them down and didn’t hold back as he slammed his cock in and out of her pussy. His pelvis met her thighs with each thrust, his hands tightly holding on to her thighs which somehow made her clench down on him even more, his eyes hungrily taking in the sight of her breasts bouncing along with the power of his hips, and the tip of the iceberg was when she began letting out small and quiet whimpers. 
“Shit, you’re squeezing me so well baby,” he breathed out as he slammed himself inside her and stayed planted in here as he felt himself release his load. Head thrown back and panting loudly, she whimpered a little and was clenching her pussy which milked even more of Bucky’s seed. She must be dreaming of someone fucking her, God I hope it’s me she’s thinking about, Bucky thought as he pulled his cock out until only the tip was inside her; he stroked the part of his cock that wasn’t inside her, making sure that every last drop of his seed didn’t drip into the bed and was instead all inside her.
After taking a few minutes to recover, he pulled out completely and positioned her in the bed prior to how she was before he came in. He grabbed his discarded boxers and put them on him. Before walking out of the room he went back to the bed, leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, “Can’t wait to swim with you baby girl.”
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Arising from her sleep, Y/N stretched her body and rubbed the sleepiness off her eyes. She couldn’t help but grin at the memories of how she pleasured herself before she drifted off to dreamland and when she did, her subconscious was somehow able to project a scenario wherein she was getting railed by Bucky. The mention of his name in her mind had her blushing; she brought her fingers down to her pussy to inspect the aftermath of her masturbation and was surprised to see how wet she was and how much she orgasmed.
Before making her way down to greet her host, she first dressed up in her bikini, however she didn’t want to walk down right away only with the flimsy pair, so she wore a tank top and a pair of shorts on top of the swimwear. Making her way down the stairs, she saw Bucky relaxing on the couch and was on his phone, “Good morning, Bucky. Did you sleep well?” 
She plopped herself down at the armchair opposite where Bucky was sitting, and the metal-armed man fumbled to pocket his phone and turn his attention to the girl who warmly greeted him. “I slept peacefully, doll. Where are you headed all dressed up like that?”
“I was hoping we could have brunch by the lake? And then swim afterwards?” She shyly suggested and it was adorable for the veteran to see her all shy and flustered, he didn’t have it in him to reject her idea. “That’s a great idea, doll! I’ve already prepared some food that I can just pack up in tupperwares,” just as he was about to head to the kitchen to do so she stood quickly and told him, “I can do it! My bag’s all ready and I’m dressed up so I can do all those while you get ready.”
He smiled and thanked her for volunteering, he let her know where the tupperwares and picnic baskets were before heading up to change. As he was changing in his room into a navy tank top along with a pair of shorts, he decided that today was the day. He was gonna make his move and let him know that he wants her here with him. 
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The drive to the lake had been peaceful; Bucky offered to drive and she accepted so she was left to admire the scenery as they both traveled to their destination. Once Y/N caught a glimpse of the lake, she had already been fumbling to unbuckle her seatbelt and before Bucky had fully parked the car, the front passenger door was already being opened and the woman beside him carried her bag as she excitedly ran towards the dock.
“You’re gonna hurt yourself, doll! Be careful!” He called out to her as he switched off the engine and moved to grab the picnic basket at the backseat. Catching up to where she was standing near the edge of the dock, she turned to him and smiled, “I’m sorry, I just get really excited when I see the water. Plus, it’s been forever since I got to swim,” her exaggeration in the apology had him chuckling and he simply put the basket down and took out the blanket he had and laid it out.
Kneeling down, Bucky then rummaged through the items on the basket, “What do you wanna eat, doll? Want to have some muffins? I also have some bacon if you want,” he looked up to see that his lovely doll was stripping off her top and bottoms, with her back facing him. She folded her clothes and placed it on top of her bag, she turned to him and smiled, “I don’t wanna eat, I want to swim first.” 
The super soldier barely got to process the words that left her mouth as he was admiring the swimsuit she was wearing, “That’s a pretty bikini you have there, doll,” he mindlessly blurted out. She blushed at the praise and he noticed as well how she rubbed her luscious thighs and it got him thinking that maybe she had a praise kink. “It’s one of the eight swimsuits they sent me,” was all she said before she waived and ran towards the end of the dock and jumped as she splashed down on the lake.
Fuck, one of eight swimsuits? She’s trying to kill me. He thought to himself as he felt his cock start to harden at the thought of seeing her in her swimwear and possibly railing her as she wears it. But first, he thought he had to eat up before making those plans and desires come true. 
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Y/N was having fun just swimming around. The lake had clear and clean water. She was able to see her feet and the sandy floor through the water. The lack of seaweeds and other aquatic plants on the lake was something she was thankful for since she loathed swimming around and feeling something grazing her leg. 
Quite some time had already passed since Y/N began swimming and Bucky was just sitting there as he ate and was staring at her every movement. “Come join me, Bucky! The water’s not too cold, it’s perfect!” he smiled and put the muffin he was munching on down and moved to take his shirt off.
Her mouth hung agape and a little bit of drool came out of her mouth as she gazed on the man’s body. He was toned and defined; her fingers ached to run it through his wide chest and shoulders and she would have also loved to feel his bulging arms wrapped around her. She was snapped out of her thoughts as she heard a big splash and felt the water moving against her.
“Hi there, beautiful,” having this Adonis of a man face her and greet her sweetly had her giggling. “Good for you to join me; was starting to think you didn’t know how to swim that’s why you didn’t wanna join me,” her accusation had him gasping and feigning hurt. “You really think that lowly of me, doll?”
Y/N swam away from Bucky, creating some distance between them; this had the man tilting his head to the side in curiosity. “Don’t tell me you’re easily hurt by that! I wonder what happens if I challenge you to a splash fight?” Just as she said that she began to flick her wrists to splash some water in Bucky’s direction.
They both were giggling as they both began to soak each other with water. After a while they both stopped and Y/N let her arms float on the water as she stared at the man adoringly; while he thought that it was finally time to speed things up. Swimming towards her, he erased the distance between them and held both her hands against his chest. He felt her breath quicken and she was staring at him with wide and inquisitive eyes.
Lifting both her wrists, he placed a long and sensual kiss on the insides of her wrists. A sharp intake of breath was heard from her lips and he rested her forearms on his shoulders as his flesh hand pulled her closer to him by the hips while his metal hand gently caressed her cheek, “Had your fun already, baby girl?”
With a flushed face she nodded and pursed her lips together, “Don’t do that princess, that’s my job,” Bucky reprimanded her as he brushed his metal thumb in her lips but quickly moved the hand towards the nape of her neck and pulled her close for their lips to collide. He swallowed her whimper of shock and took the opportunity to let his tongue inside her mouth.
Slanting his head, he deepened the kiss as his flesh hand moved to wrap her thigh around his hips in order to get their bodies as close as possible and to feel every inch of her. Bucky smirked as he felt her tongue dancing along with the direction of his tongue and when he felt her hands cup his cheeks he couldn’t hold himself back from placing both his hands to grab her bikini-covered bum and grind her core to his.
“Oh God,” she whimpered against his lips, as if she was starting to pull away; but Bucky didn’t want her to do so, so he chased her lips with his and planted it firmly against her, leaving her no room but to comply with what he wanted.
Her hands traveled down from his cheeks to his neck and down to his shoulders, where she anchored herself to separate her tongue from roaming around his mouth. Her chest was heaving up and down as she stared down at Bucky who was loving this out of breath and dazed state she was in, “What was that?”
Her question made him chuckle darkly before teasing her, “That was just a preview of what’s to come, baby,” this just confused her even more and she tilted her head but he simply removed his hands from her body and she whined at the loss of contact — which Bucky thought as completely adorable — but he kissed her forehead, “Enjoy your swim doll, a few more minutes then we go home, got it?” She nodded and watched as he swam his way to the docks and busied himself with drying himself up and packing up their picnic.
She shrugged off the million thoughts racing through her head and decided that swimming would probably help her clear her head.
Something in the air shifted as they both were driving home after spending nearly two hours by the lake. While keeping his eyes on the road, Bucky’s metal hand was on the steering wheel while his flesh hand was gripping and caressing Y/N’s thighs. He loved how she didn’t flinch when he did so and instead she enveloped his hand with both her thighs.
Upon arriving back at the home, Bucky opened the car door for her and she smiled and thanked him. As he went to retrieve the picnic basket, his doll went ahead to get inside the house and it was finally time for him to make his move.
Placing the basket down on the floor without a care, he grabbed her hand as she was headed for the stairs; her bag falling off her shoulders as a result. “Bucky,” she was cut off as Bucky planted his lips against her and pulled her by the hips to feel her skin against his. She moaned out loud and he smirked as he once again let his tongue inside her and began to roam her insides and massaged her tongue with his.
“I fucking need you, baby,” he rasped out without fully disconnecting his lips from hers, “You gonna let me have you?” she whimpered and simply nodded. This made Bucky happy, and to show his appreciation, he kissed her neck and her collarbones as his hands quickly ripped the material of her shirt against her. A loud gasp was let out, and it informed the man who was vigorously kissing her that she was turned on with what he did.
Placing his hands behind her hips, he guided her walk with him to the couch with his lips still attached to her hot skin. They both worked to remove her of her shorts before Bucky was pushing her to sit down on the couch. “Don’t take your bra off, remove those panties, I wanna see your ass,” he commanded as his eyes roamed around her body as he took his shirt and shorts off, revealing that he didn’t have any underwear on. 
“Press your cheek against the sofa and put your ass up in the air for me, princess,” he groaned upon seeing her full ass on display. He smacked both her cheeks at the same time and chuckled as she shook her ass in response. One hand had a firm grip on her hip while the other stroked his cock and teased the tip on her clit. “You ready, baby? Want to feel my cock inside you?”
She nodded, “Yes please, Bucky, I need to feel you push your cock inside me,” by the end of her whining he had already slid inside her and pushed it all the way until she felt his balls slap against her ass. She let out a dragged moan as he let out profanities and praises about how she enveloped him well.
Pulling his hips back, he thrust right back in which made her moan once again. His other hand was now teasing her clit by rubbing it and he felt her coat his cock with more of her juices. “God, you feel like heaven, princess. Wrapping your tight pussy around me so good,” he threw his head back but his hips were doing the opposite. His pelvis was slamming deep and fast against her that her ass was feeling the friction of his trimmed pubic hair.
“It’s so good, Bucky. Love how you’re pounding me,” the praise and small amount of dirty talk was enough for Bucky to groan and drive his hips even deeper and stronger, if that was even possible. “Fuck you’re so dirty, doll. My dirty doll, right?” he asked as he wrapped a handful of her hair against him and pulled her against him; her back against his chest and he could her chest heaving as she struggled to catch her breath.
Untying her bra, he tossed it on the floor and both his hands began to twist, pinch, pull, and flick on her nipples. Palming her breasts, he continued to spur him on with his words, “Who knew how much of a filthy princess you were huh? That you were really a slut wanting to get fucked?” she whined out loud and this prompted Bucky to sit down on the couch and drag her with him; ending up in a position that would allow her to ride him. “Ride me, bitch. Ride  me ‘til we both cum,” he was surprised with how she eagerly responded to his command.
She leaned back and planted her hands on his abs and began to lift her body up and down, moving her pussy in and out of his cock. With one hand resting at the back of his head, the other was slapping her ass that was bouncing up and down on him. “Only a slut like yourself knows how to ride a cock this good, baby,” his statement ended with a groan as she stopped her bouncing and was instead sitting with his cock fully inside her, and she began to move in slow and hard circles. As if she was grinding on his dick.
“God, I’m so close, you got me near my edge, slut,” Bucky groaned and slapped both her ass cheeks at the same time, “Face me, baby. Turn around and face me, without leaving my cock.” He grinned as she halted her movements and twisted her body so she was greeted with the sight of Bucky’s chest sweaty and a smirk planted on his lips.
He sat up from his lying position and sat up so their chest were pressed firmly against each other, “Are you close, baby?” She threw her head back and nodded as Bucky began to move his hips so he could match the way she was sliding up and down his cock. Slapping her cheek, not too hard but enough to get her to look at him, he growled, “Tell me, princess. Tell me you’re close and that you wanna cum.”
Her mouth opened but a moan came out of her, he gave her a particularly harsh thrust and she finally gave in, “I wanna cum, Bucky, I need to. Please let me cum on your cock.” He smirked, satisfied with her answer and took control of the tempo of the way she was riding him. Holding on hard enough on her hips, enough to leave marks, he began to lift her up and down on him; he was lifting her up so fast that she barely had time to breathe and the way he slammed her was so hard he could hear their skin slapping against each other.
“You’re squeezing my cock so good, baby” Bucky groaned and he felt how close she was but needed added stimulation to let herself go. He lowered his mouth to cover her nipple with his lips; the sensation of licking and sucking hard on her nipple coupled with the cruel hip thrusts he was giving into her was enough for Y/N to grip on his shoulders and plant her lips on the top of his head, “Bucky, fuck,” was all she was able to let out as a warning for the orgasm that washed over her.
After feeling her juices drip down, there was something primal in him that made him more determined than ever to blow his load; so he removed his mouth from her nipple and laid her down on her back and moved to lift her legs, phishing them to her chest. “You gonna take my cum, baby? Gonna let me put it all in you?” He was thrusting violently, there was no rhythm but just him ruthlessly sliding his cock in and out of her tight canal, his mind was filled with images of her staying here with him, building a life together.
“Bucky, I’m so sensitive,” she squealed, and the man just smirked and to her surprise she just slammed his hips faster. He looks beautiful like this, she thought, but there was a part of her that thought she might explode if he continued his brutal assault on her body; and she was starting to get sleepy. Bucky slammed his cock all the way in until his balls were against her ass and stayed there, “Fuck, you’re such a good girl,” he moaned as he emptied his balls and shoved all his cream inside her.
He looked down on his precious angel and smiled at the sight of her with her eyes closed, running a finger to her face, just admiring her post-sex glow and the way she was all sweaty. He leaned down to kiss her on the forehead, “You did so well for me, baby.”
Without removing his cock from her, he moved to carry her, with ease he then brought both of them upstairs and into his room. Upon entering, he saw that Alpine was still lazily sleeping on the bed he got her and smiled, “I got you a mommy already, Al,” he whispered and felt himself harden again at the nickname he’d given the lovely girl in his arms.
Laying the both down, he wrapped both his arms around the sleeping beauty beside him and kissed her lips once more, “Welcome home, doll.”
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notcanoncompliant · 4 years
Text
Open Road
(inspired by the song Dead of Night by Orville Peck…well, really just the vibe of the entire album)
Peter’s 19-20, Tony’s late thirties, early forties
TW: implied abuse (not between Tony/Peter); bruises/violence; panic attack
*    *    *
It’s not love, but it’s good.
The stranger’s older, rougher around the edges, but sweeter, somehow, than he should be. Grins like he knows how to take a hit, drinks like he used to be familiar with waking up in unfamiliar places, but he kisses Peter like he’s precious. Slow and soft and hot, until Peter’s a clinging mess, rocking up against a solid, denim-clad thigh.
It’s easy, crowded up against the wall outside the back exit of the bar, chasing his release while a gorgeous stranger that’s probably more than twice his age brushes kisses along his jaw and murmurs in his ear about how pretty he looks riding his leg, it’s easy to forget what waits for him at home, if only for a fraction of an hour after his shift.
*
The next night, near closing time, Peter’s surprised. Tony strolls in again, orders a scotch that he tosses back still standing at the bar, and then takes a table in the corner where he can smoke. When he catches Peter watching him from across the room, he smirks and sits back, knees falling open as he taps his cigar over the glass ashtray on his table and very blatantly gives Peter a once-over.
Peter looks away sharply, face heating as he tries to focus on the booth he’s wiping down, instead of his pleased surprise at the fact that Tony’s still here. People don’t tend to stay for long; it’s a one bar, one gas station kind of town. The only lodging is a rundown Motel 6, and most of the passers-through are beer-gut truckers, and the occasional touristy asshole cruising for an adventure they definitely won’t find.
He’s not really sure what Tony is, but he looks straight off the cover of a Harlequin romance novel, or maybe out of one of those low-budget (but so much sexier for it) pornos. Long legs in worn denim, plugged into dirty, scuffed up motorcycle boots that go with the leather jacket that hangs off the back of his chair.
Peter hasn’t seen the bike–the bar’s walking-distance from the motel and it wouldn’t make sense for Tony to take it the couple minutes back and forth–but Tony’d mentioned it, and when they’d parted last night, Peter’d known Tony would be back on the road by morning, whether he’d said so or not.
But he’s here, puffing on his cigar and unabashedly watching Peter finish up his closing duties.
*
This time, just after they’ve started making out, same place, same position, Tony pulls back to give Peter a brief, almost chaste kiss.
“How would you feel about moving this to the motel?”
The question is warm with promise, and the vehement ’Yes’ dances to the tip of Peter’s tongue–
–where it dies suddenly.
His second of silent hesitation is loud between them, and he opens his mouth to apologize, but the older man just smiles at him.
“It’s okay, kid.”
Tony moves back in, hands coming up to cradle Peter’s jaw as he coaxes them back to where they’d left off.
*
For a few nights, it’s the same; Tony shows up before closing, and when Peter’s done with work they end up back at their spot.
It’s not love, but it’s exhilarating.
Peter doesn’t even have room to be worried about the difference in experience, not when Tony’s running a constant stream of compliments and encouragements and dirty things between kisses, when he’s guiding Peter’s hips in a steady, deliciously rough roll until Peter’s coming, gasping Tony’s name.
Tony never takes himself out, never urges Peter’s hands down towards his fly or gives any indication that he’s expecting Peter to reciprocate. He just grins and helps him ride through it, pets Peter’s hair and strokes his jaw with calloused thumbs. Kisses him and tells him how good he is, how beautiful he looks and sounds.
Peter carries the afterglow home with him each time, cradled in his chest in the hope that maybe it’ll make the rest of his night a little more bearable.
*
They’ve been doing it for almost a full week when Tony tentatively brings up the motel room, again.
“Still no pressure, sweetheart, I promise–but I’ve got a perfectly good bed a couple minutes away, and there’re so many more things I’d like to do for you that’d work a hell of a lot better with a lot less clothing and a lot more privacy.” His small smile is suggestive and affectionate, and his hands are a warm weight on Peter’s hips.
The thing is, Peter’s not afraid of Tony, not concerned about being alone with him at the motel. His body hums in anticipation of what this man could make him feel if he just said yes, but there’s an ugly trickle of anxiety cooling the heat.
If he takes his clothes off, Tony’s going to see the bruises.
“I–I can’t. I’m sorry,” Peter whispers, turning his head and squeezing his eyes shut against the sudden prickle of tears and the almost instinctive urge to brace himself.
What’d you say, Pete? Huh? ‘No’? You wanna run that by me again, you little prick?
“Pete–”
A hand brushes his cheek, and he flinches. Hard.
“Fuck, I’m–I’m sorry,” he gasps out, sliding out from between Tony and the wall, his skin too sensitive, his everything too sensitive.
“It’s okay, kid, sweetheart, hey–”
There’s nothing threatening, nothing but concern in the older man’s tone and expression, but it’s not enough to override the panic.
“I have to go,” Peter bites out, struggling to keep the explosion inside, “Goodbye, Tony.”
It doesn’t occur to him until he’s halfway home that he’d said ‘goodbye’ instead of ‘goodnight’, and he’s so absolutely sure he just ruined the very nicest thing he’s maybe ever had. The thought chokes him, and he goes to his knees on the driveway outside the house, spilling the heartbreak where it won’t get him more hurt.
*
Tony doesn’t come back the next night.
Peter wants to throw up.
His shift drags by, and he resolutely doesn’t look in the direction of the Motel 6 when he leaves.
*
Another two nights, and Peter’s sure Tony’s gone. He’s sure, but can’t bring himself to make it real, to go wander over to the parking lot of the motel in search of a black, classic motorcycle he’s never actually seen.
It wasn’t love…but his chest feels so tight, so sore, and his stomach’s in constant knots.
The hurt of everything feels so much more, and he has the horrifying thought that maybe this was how he’d always felt, that somehow a stranger old enough to be his–
–a stranger he’d made out with for a week, had been the thing to shatter the glass. Pull back the curtain on the jagged, violent truth of Peter’s life.
Peter doesn’t know how long it’ll take to be numb again. If he ever could be.
He has to run to the bathroom so he doesn’t throw up on the floor he’s almost finished mopping.
*
The streets are empty most hours of the day, but at four in the morning, the town’s a veritable graveyard. Peter’s footfalls are loud, slapping the cracked pavement, his breath rattling in his ears as he sprints. His steps jar his frame, highlight every new and fading bruise.
He can’t do it.
He can’t keep going back, he can’t face another fucking night of the hell he calls home after staring at that empty corner table, not if there’s a sliver of a chance–
When he reaches the motel, the laugh that rips out of his throat is hysterical, relieved.
At the very end of the lot, parked in the numbered space directly in front of one of the rooms, is a beast of a motorcycle. He comes to a stop beside it, frozen for a moment, pulse pounding, before he runs to the door. His palm connects solidly with the wood–once, twice, three times–before he has a chance to think about what he’s doing, that it’s ass o'clock in the morning and maybe that bike isn’t even Tony’s, maybe Tony never even had a bike in the first place–
Wood is suddenly open air, and then it’s him. It’s Tony, standing there looking tired and irritated.
Before Peter can be slammed with guilt, the expression vanishes into the same devastated relief that Peter’s sure is mirrored on his own.
“Jesus, kid, are you–”
“I’m not,” Peter sobs, “I’m not alright, I thought you were gone, I thought I ruined everything–”
“No, baby, no–I’m sorry, sweet pea, come here–”
He’s pulled into the room and the door shuts, and then he’s wrapped in those strong arms, crushingly tight against a broad chest that smells faintly of tobacco and strongly of Tony. He fists his hands into the back of the older man’s shirt, hanging on for dear life.
Tony doesn’t complain or try to get him to let go. He just presses kisses to Peter’s temples and cheeks and the top of his head, murmurs “It’s okay, I’m right here, It’s okay…” over and over. He shifts them to the bed, maneuvers until Peter’s lying on his chest, and tangles their legs together, his broad palms rubbing up and down Peter’s back.
Eventually, the slide and squeeze of those achingly familiar hands combined with the solid warmth and steady fall of words lulls Peter back to something close to calm.
There’s a heavy exhalation, Tony’s breath ruffling Peter’s hair.
“I thought I scared you, kid. Thought I pushed you too hard, I didn’t want to make it worse, so I stopped coming in. I’m sorry, Peter.”
“It wasn’t…You didn’t.”
Peter gingerly pulls away, sits up. Takes in Tony’s obvious concern for him, the way the he mirrors the action, doesn’t reach to pull Peter back in but looks ready to do so if asked. The obvious care on his face.
It’s terrifying.
After a few seconds of silence, Tony reaches up to run fingers gently through Peter’s hair, hand sliding back to cup the side of his neck.
“Stay with me, kid. Get some sleep, yeah?” Tony says quietly, gazing at him, still worried. “We can talk in the morning.”
Fifteen minutes later, Peter’s curled up on his side, drifting off with the warm puff of Tony’s breath against the nape of his neck, and calloused, scarred fingers twined with his up near his chest.
He’s never relaxed enough to feel exhausted.
Tonight, sleep is easy.
*
Morning is gentle. The most gentle, quiet morning Peter’s ever had.
He wakes warm, belly-down on the mattress, to a hand running lightly up and down his back. Tony coaxes him up, gives him a towel and bundle of soft clothes to change into, and directs him to shower. Peter goes with it, feels barest hint of wariness, a lingering prickle in the back of his mind that rinses away along with the suds of the cheap, two-in-one motel body wash and shampoo.
When he comes out, dressed in sweats and a flannel shirt (everything’s rolled up; the sleeves to free his hands, the waistband and ankles of the sweats), Tony’s on the edge of the bed, looking up from the palms he’d been rubbing into his eyes.
The older man’s expression goes a little hungry, gaze sweeping up and down in a way Peter’s become oh so familiar with, a look he never thought he’d see again.
“I like that a little too much, I think,” Tony muses, smirking when he finally makes it back to Peter’s face. “Wanna get my hands under all of it. Would, if we had the time.”
He sighs, pushes to his feet and walks over, cradling the back of Peter’s head with one palm and pressing a kiss to his hair. “I’m gonna shower, and we’ll have that talk.”
*
Tony’s anger is…big.
But, controlled.
When Peter talks about his father, reluctantly shows Tony the purple-yellow-green stains spread over his skin, the anger pools, but it doesn’t leak into anything. There are no clenched fists or stiff motions. It’s all in the eyes. It’s…thoughtful. Decisive.
“You need clothes,” Tony says, speaking to Peter, but staring at a fading bruise on Peter’s shoulder. He tugs the collar of the flannel back into place. “Let’s go.”
*
Peter doesn’t go into the house. Tony asks him not to. It’s not even an order disguised as a question, not a test; Peter really has the option.
He tells Tony where his room is, where he keeps the few clothes he does have.
The stop takes about thirty minutes. Peter stays by the bike at the end of the dirt and gravel drive, staring at the clapboard siding, the peeling paint of the tiny deck, the dented and torn screen door.
Tony comes out, sauntering down the path with Peter’s old backpack, stuffed full. When Tony hands it to him, Peter catches sight of red-smeared knuckles.
Peter doesn’t ask. He just drops his backpack on the ground and pulls Tony down for a kiss.
*
By the time they get back to the room, Peter’s hard and leaking in his borrowed pants. The adrenaline, the vibrations of the bike, Tony’s warmth pressed all along his front; he’d been helpless to it, to all of it. To everything.
There’s no real preamble; the motel door shuts behind them, and he’s up against it, Tony sinking to his knees and taking the sweats down with him as he goes. It doesn’t take much, a few seconds of perfect suction, of the strong, sure grip urging his hips forward, deeper–
Peter cries out when he comes, a reverently agonized gasp of Tony’s name.
*
After Peter’s dressed in his own clothes and the motel room door is locked behind them, there’re a few minutes of quiet. Tony runs a check of the bike and the bags attached, and Peter only watches for a moment before letting his gaze slide in the direction of the bar.
It’s still earlyish, near ten in the morning. Church will get out soon, and the parishioners will file unerringly to the bar to have a beer with breakfast. Peter’s supposed to start his shift at eleven. He wonders if they’ll try to call when he doesn’t show up, and if his father will be able to pick up the phone.
He doubts it.
Tony calls his name, and when Peter turns, the older man asks if he wants some real power between his legs. When Peter scowls at him, the biker just grins and sidles up and hands him a helmet, tells him it’s like a kitten growling, pulls him close and kisses his forehead.
“Come on, kid, let’s get out of here.”
*
Sunlight spills through the clouds when the town’s no longer in their rearview.
The open road is beautiful, the growl of the bike’s engine almost as much so.
Peter squeezes Tony’s waist a little harder.
It’s not love, but it could be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
@starkercrossedlovers (I think you said before you wanted to be tagged in my works, but I don't know if that was just for the WinterIron stuff 😅 either way, here you go lol)
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jupitermelichios · 4 years
Text
Jupiter’s Top 10 Fic Series of the Decade
In no particular order (and belonging to no particular fandom)
Honourable Mentions: Of Hunters & Hellblazers by KittyAug - Self Help by maskedfangirl - Bad Jokes by hahaharley - Doubtful Sanity by DustToDust - Wilton’s Bakery ‘Verse by machine_dove & sproings -  Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc by etothepii - New Favourite F Word by Polaris - little beasts by noctiphany & likewinning
drawn into something by Nonymos (Venom, Eddie/Venom, Dan/Anne, Eddie/Venom/Dan/Anne)
“Eddie, you… and him.”
“Yeah.” Eddie stares at the floor. “And… and look, Annie, I know it’s weird, but I can explain, I…”
His voice breaks, he’s damn near tearing up, panic rising again—and he jumps when Anne cups his face.
“Hey, it’s—it’s all right, Eddie.” She’s making a valiant effort to smile. “Don’t get so worked up. I’m not gonna run screaming.”
“No?” He laughs and sniffs. “Damn. Starting to wonder what it’s gonna take, at this point.”
This is not Nonymos’s only entry on this list. In fact they may just be my favourite fanfic author of all time. Drawn into something is everything everything I want from a Venom sequel, emotional, kinky, romantic, and poly.
OTP: Fight Club by MorganOfTheFey (Detroit: Become Human, RK900/Gavin)
"One hundred. Ten X," Nines says, voice flat enough it almost doesn't sound like bragging. "I would have been decommissioned otherwise."
"Ohhhh. Aw, that's sad. Just," She tries to snap her fingers and gets distracted for a moment when she can't. "Jus'like that?"
"Yeah RK, that's so sad," Gavin echoes. "Can you play yourself despacito?"
His own phone blares the song barely a second later. Gavin drops a few f-bombs fumbling to get it out of his jacket pocket and turn it off. Then as soon as he puts it back in his pocket, it starts up again.
"Thank you for the suggestion, detective," RK900 says. "This is making me feel better."
The fourth part of this is still coming out, and it’s the highlight of my week when the new chapter drops.
Dreams of the Waking Man by Lex_Munroe (Marvel Comics, Wade/Cable, Daken/Bullseye, Wade & Hope)
All at once, it hurts.  It hurts worse than the day Nate died (because Wade couldn’t accept it back then, insisted that Nate had managed to timeslide out, that the busted old telemetry circuit would only let him go forward and he was just lost for a little while).
He sits in the middle of the floor, ducks his head, cries.
She was smarter than he was—than he is.  She’d known all along.  Brave girl.
Timesliding doesn’t work right on Wade, never has, and their cobbled-together sliding module barely had power to take one stringy teenager for one jump.
She’d known she was leaving her parents, that she certainly wouldn’t see one of them again and quite possibly wouldn’t see the other.
Wade allows himself a moment more for grief and shame and humility.  Then he clears his throat and wipes his eyes and gets back to work.
This may be the cleverest fic I’ve ever read. Crossovers, theoretical physics, and the best love story Marvel never wrote.
The Mountains Are The Same by bonehandledknife & Primarybufferpanel (Mad Max: Fury Road, Furiosa/Max, Furiosa/Ace, Everyone & Healthy Coping Mechanisms)
“'Real isn’t how you are made’” Gilly said with the air of a quote, of a Remembering, “'It’s a thing that happens to you.’”
Rotor closed his eyes in a long blink, “A thing that hurts, innit it right?”
“Sometimes,” Gilly agreed, squeezing his hand, “That’s life though, when you are Real. We all become it bit by bit. But it doesn’t happen if you’re not strong, if you’re not soft, if you’re not sturdy.”
“ But how can y'be all of those at once ?” he wheezed out. It’s getting hard to catch his breath.
“You are all that right now, aren’t you?” Gilly asked him with piercing eyes, “No one else of all these Boys has had the strength to ask for me. And I will Witness you as I have kept all those of my sisters who’ve fallen these past days.”
This series is not always easy, it doesn’t shy away from the hard or the dark or the painful, but it is always worth reading.
The Unspoken Truth by Nonymos (MCU, Clint/Loki)
Barton glared at him like he was trying to decide whether he was being mocked or not, but the next second, his shoulders slumped. Loki was familiar with the feeling – that dreadful feeling of discovering something repulsive in one's own nature.
And then, he waited. He waited for Barton to think and connect the dots, to realize that an obvious solution was standing just before him, to remember how he had felt when waking up tied down, or being forced to drink down the water. The demi-god just stood there, hoping – almost praying for the first time in his life – that his enemy would look up at him with something else than hatred in his eyes.
No one writes kink quite like Nonymos writes kink, and this series is the perfect encapsulation of that.
The Stone Gryphon by rthstewart (Narnia, primarily Gen)
"Tools!" Richard was so shocked he was near speechless. He sat down heavily on the bench and began writing frantically in that strange code. "You are saying that you have observed ordinary crows use tools? Peter, that is… remarkable."
"Well, I've seen Beavers use fishing tackle and sewing machines, so it didn't seem that unusual at the time."
I’m not going to lie, this may not be to everyone’s taste. But, amateur theologian, lover of weird animal facts, and history nerd that I am, there are very few fics more exactly tailored to my interests.
Republic of Heaven Community Radio by ErinPtah (WtNV x His Dark Materials, Cecil/Carlos)
The greeting catches both her and Carlos off-guard. It's not wrong to talk directly to another person's daemon, but it's still a little weird. "Likewise," she stammers.
They're both waiting for the obvious next step, which is for Cecil to introduce his daemon. The fact that Carlos hasn't spotted her yet is understandable — a big community gathering in a small space, you get plenty of daemons breaking away from their humans to socialize directly with each other. Any of the dozen animal shapes currently within ten feet of them could be Cecil's. If his daemon has an unusually high range, there are even more possibilities.
What Cecil says instead is, "If you ever have any important experimental-theology news that you need to share with the town, call me any time! Everyone listens to my show." There's a touch of what Carlos hopes is nothing more sinister than smugness when he adds, "Everyone."
He steps out of the way to let someone else interrogate Carlos, and vanishes into the crowd. Carlos doesn't get a chance to see what daemon he leaves with.
This may be the most carefully thought out crossover I’ve ever read, and I’m a little in awe of ErinPtah’s skills.
The Soul in the Machine by missdreawrites & Troodon (Dishonoured, Corvo/Outsider)
“... Outsider?” Corvo asked, sitting down on the filthy floor. “In the published list of the people who died of the Plague… how many were registered Augments?”
<There have been a total of 231 dead in the past year. Of that group, 100% were Augmented individuals. This number has increased exponentially under Hiram Burrows’ “The Boldest Moves Are The Safest” law, allowing the execution of any individual infected by the Plague.>
“Son of a bitch, ” Corvo swore with feeling. “This is… look at this waste. We aren't even people to them, are we?” He looked down at the body next to him. “And I killed the one person who could help. I did this. I doomed an entire people to plague, and murder and…”
The cyberpunk Dishonoured AU I desperately wish I’d thought of, because it works so very well.
In Which Tony Stark Builds Himself Some Friends (But His Family Was Assigned by Nick Fury) by scifigrl47 (MCU, Steve/Tony)
“Do you know what the difference between a villain and a super villain is, Stark?” Coulson said, leaning his palms on the tabletop, looming over everything like a very snappily dressed gargoyle.
“Style?” Tony asked, pointing both index fingers in Coulson's direction like the gunslinger that he was. He added a wide grin to the gesture, but Coulson didn't seem to notice.
“A villain has a giant mass of robotic vacuum cleaners that he can sic on his enemies. A super villain gives them the ability to fly.”
“In my defense, I do not actually remember installing repulsor technology in the Roombas,” Tony said, choosing his words carefully. It had been a working theory, sure, but he still wasn't quite sure when he implemented it. Maybe sometime on Tuesday night... That one was a blur. “It was a very long couple of days. So I was as surprised by that as everyone else.”
This doesn’t really count as a rec, since everyone in the fandom has read it already, but it really wouldn’t be fair to draw up a ‘best of the 2010s’ list and not include this.
A Great and Gruesome Height by mokuyoubi (Hannibal, Will/Hannibal)
Bedelia lashes out but Will is quicker. He grabs her wrist, pressing hard between the delicate bones with his thumb, until she makes a soft noise of distress and drops the fork.
Hannibal purses his lips and leans in close to her ear. “Now that is disappointing,” he whispers, and Bedelia has the good sense to be afraid with that mouth so near her skin. He inhales her scent deeply and straightens. “I thought you and I were beyond such petty jabs.”
“Were it not for the fact that you required medical attention, I have no doubt I would have met a similarly crass ending at the hands of your pet,” she says, lip curling in disgust.
Hannibal smiles serenely and says, “Will is a creature entirely of his own making. It is not to me to guide his hand. Merely to share in the sublime perfection of his vision, when he allows it.”
There are many dark!Will stories out there, and most of them are a lot of fun, but few are quite at believable as this one.
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darawonplease · 4 years
Text
trauma. ch1.1 - i’m doomed
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Dara rewatches her infamous confession to SECHSKIES leader Eun Jiwon. She finally decides what to do when a message ruins her plans.
characters. Eun Jiwon x Sandara Park, CL, Park Bom
A.N. In the following chapter I refer to two different shows Dara has appeared on. The links to those videos are in the titles of the two shows that are mentioned at the start).
chapter 1 - i’m doomed, part. 1
[dara pov]
I turned on the tv with reluctance, a frown appearing on my face. I intended to avoid that very episode of Hun Maen Jung Eum since it first aired, but there I was, the curiosity of knowing how the scene I shoot was broadcasted on national tv being a valid reason to tune in on MBC’s channel.
[...]
“Dara had a crush on someone for 22 years…”.
The MC read through his script; my back tensed as soon as I heard my name called. In all honesty I didn’t expect the production to bring this news up.
“…that person is the one sitting beside her---”
“Here it is”. I thought, resting my sulky face on the remote I had in my hands.
“--- Eun Jiwon”. The MC revealed with a huge grin on his face.
I saw myself smiling on the tv screen but at the time I wanted to crawl in a hole in the ground and disappear forever.
“When Sandara was offered to be on Hun Maen Jung Eum she agreed without hesitation. She said that she liked three people on this show: JeA, Joonhyung and Jiwon”. Stated the MC while flipping the pages he held in his right hand.
“Woo~”. The people I mentioned smiled out of content, appearing pretty pleased by my statement.
I gulped as the MC continued to read the interview I had prior to filming, I felt instant regret. I should’ve known better then. Of course, they saw my confession for Jiwon-oppa on Video Star, the episode in question aired a couple of months before shooting Hun Maen Jung Eum.
I remember the day I was casted on that talk show so vividly. I had just started to appear on variety shows and winning a spot as host was one of the biggest accomplishments of that year.
-
“Sandara-ssi, we’re glad to let you know you’ve been casted as a fixed host on the program, congratulations”.
“Ne! I’m grateful for the opportunity given to me, I won’t let you down!”. I closed the call; a sudden burst of energy took over my body as I started doing my “victory dance”.
“Yay~ I’ve been casted Wonjun-ssi~”.
I jumped up and down while holding both of his hands.
“Isn’t It a great day to be Sandara Park’s manager-nim?”. I flashed my best smile and started dancing again, my limbs waving all over the place.
“It’s great Dara-ssi”. He hid his perplexity as to why I was acting like that behind a sheepish smile.
JJangmae-oppa was known for being 2NE1’s manager. YG ent. fired him right after the group disbanded, as we all had our own personal managers. JJangmae-oppa wasn’t just monitoring us, he affirmed himself as an older brother figure, cherishing us when YG sajang-nim scolded our group for not being pretty enough, for not being successful enough. Jjangmae-oppa saw us as people and not products, that’s why, seeing him disappear from our lives so suddenly, left a big hole in our hearts, firing up the resentment towards the unfairness of the decision made by the company.
-
The legendary sunbae-nim, Tony Ahn, member of H.O.T. was invited as guest on the first episode I hosted of Video Star; thinking back it was such a smart move on the production team part to cast me, knowing the relationship I had with Tony-oppa. Milking it created quite a stir, in fact.
Our ambiguous friendship became the main topic soon enough. The guest list included people in the friends circle me and Tony-oppa shared so they knew how to tease and prompt him into revealing what was his stance when it came to our relationship.
“When Dara got drunk, she had the silly idea of putting the bottle’s cap on her eyes, we all happily laughed about it”. JeA-eonni suddenly became a dispenser of embarrassing scenes, and I was the protagonist of them all. Who knew that she’d share other awkward stories about me later, on Hun Man Jung Eum too.  
“Do you know what he said to me? He went - Don’t make her do those things!”.
Tony-oppa clapped his hands, embarrassed.
“I didn’t even tell her to do that!”. JeA-eonni was clearly upset as she stood up from her seat to directly complain with Tony-oppa, who sat right beside her.
“So - he must care about Dara a lot”. Commented Sook-eonni, glancing at me.
He defended himself – “I had such great fantasies about her, I thought it was impossible for her to think about doing so on her own”.
“He really doesn’t know how to date, as he got older, he even became more fearful and shy, he limits himself to observing only - so I told him that if he keeps observing he’ll lose her”. JeA-eonni was obviously determined to unveil every detail of the story.
Hyejong-eonni joined in the mission of collecting every piece of evidence that pointed at Tony-oppa being interested in me.
“That that’s why I suspected him and Sandara! He actually wanted to ask her out, but he lost his timing and Dara reacted passively at it, so you just ended up being friends”.
“Tony-ssi, are you observing Dara-ssi right now?”. Narae filled her role as host, interrogating him like a detective.
“She’s just a girl friend and there is no I way I could develop anything other than that. That is not what I thought when I first met her, who knows what might happen; that’s what I thought” – He replied with honesty.
“Then why did you keep watching her slowly and didn’t go for it right away?” – JeA-eonni spoke up again, interrogating him. She could pass as a host because of the fiery desire to uncover the truth.
A short sigh left Tony-oppa’s mouth. - “At that time, we didn’t have any occasion to meet”.
“So, you guys didn’t have any connection”. Concluded Sook-eonni from the host panel.
“There was documentary about her in Korea back then – I somehow managed to watch it and noticed she was good at singing and dancing, she was also pretty and charming – I made up my mind and wanted to producer the singer Sandara Park”. He revealed proudly, I didn’t know he had such high regards for me as an artist.
He went on saying: “But then an article came out – Sandara signed a contract for YG entertainment”.
“I thought he had been observing her for just a month but it’s been already 15 years!”. Exclaimed JeA-eonni, talking to the cameras, furrowing her brows.
“He is like the man in Old boy”. Eana-eonni commented, poking fun at Tony-oppa. He crossed his arms and laughed off, dumbfounded.
“This oppa really loves you Sandara!”.
I slightly felt uneasy as they kept pushing in that direction, I kept dwelling on how I should react without hurting his feelings as I, unfortunately, didn’t reciprocate.
Narae interrupted the laughter that filled the room until then.
“I don’t know if I should say this right now….”.
The atmosphere on set suddenly changed, a chill danced up my back not knowing what she was going to say.
“...well, Sandara has another man in her heart”. She stated with total seriousness.
“Ack-…” murmured Tony-oppa, with a disappointed look on his face.
“We also know about that”. Commented all the female guests sitting the other side of the room.
“Dara-ssi likes…. Eun Jiwon-ssi!”. Narae slammed her hand on the table as she looked away from the guests. She sure knew how to create a commotion.
I was taken aback, hearing his name all of a sudden made my heart flutter, but I didn’t hold grudges at Narae for revealing it, I somehow felt better because of the burden taken off of my chest.
A multitude of voices quickly started to overlap one another across the room.
“Eh?!  Do you still do?”.
“I knew it!”.
“Yes, she does!”.
“Stop hurting him and say the truth!”.
Tony-oppa’s ears became red, he remained silent at the sudden revelation.
Jiwon-oppa was the leader of another legendary boy-group I loved in my teen years, SECHSKIES. It was a known fact that H.O.T and SECHSKIES were rival groups back in the day. Fans used to scramble with one another for their favorite singers. It sounded funny to think the feud didn’t stop with the music.
“Will your fans fight again for this?”. Hangbo-eonni joked, trying to defuse the situation.
“Leave the girl – there was a SECHSKIES song that went like that!”. Narae referred to the song “Chivalry” perhaps, but I remember the lyrics differently.
“How could I leave you like this?”. Hangbo started to sing SECHSKIES Road Fighter, playing around.
Tony’s soul left his body as he turned on his seat, trying to fleet the situation by facing the wall behind him.
“But Jiwon-oppa doesn’t know about this though – this is the first time I’m saying this”.  I stated looking around the room.
“Ah- is that so?”.
“Since when have you been watching him?”. Sook-eonni’s eyes lit up with interest as she asked me for further information.
“…since 1997”, I muttered before bursting in a fat laugh, my cheeks becoming more and more red as we kept talking about the man I’ve been admiring for such a long time.
“The important thing is if she still likes him even now”. Commented Park Sohyun-ssi.
“Well… recently we’re in the same agency… - I’ve also been to their concert last time and he was so cool”.
I didn’t know how affectionate I sounded before re-watching this scene after the episode aired. My eyes filled with love and admiration as soon as I started to talk about him.
“He looks so tsundere!”. I finished my confession on that note, contented with my own honesty. The thought of him made my heart pit-a-pat hard.
JeA, Hangbo and Eana-eonni turned their backs away from Tony and created a small girl gathering where they started to whisper to one another.
“Tell me something about it”.
“She really likes him”.
“You didn’t know it?”.
“I knew it, but I thought she already put away her feelings”.
I was so relaxed and contented when confessing on that occasion. It was perceived as an innocent crush, something to laugh about during lunch. It only looked like I was a big fan, not a big deal at all.
But on Hun Maen Jung Eum, right beside him? I felt my heart sinking deep. I hated the thought of coming across so insisting and foolishly adoring of him – right in front of him. Revealing how much I payed attention to him recently made me look so hopelessly in love with him. Which I was not.
-
I shook my head and payed attention to the program that was being broadcasted on my tv.
The MC kept reading - “Joonhyung-oppa and Jiwon-oppa have different meaning for me”.
Everyone burst out laughing at my straight forwardness.
The Sandara on the tv started clapping her hands, uselessly trying to hide from the impending embarrassment.
“Joonhyung-oppa feels like a senior while for Jiwon-oppa…”.
“Please don’t say it…”. I begged in front of the tv over and over again, even if perfectly aware of what was going to happen soon after.
“...he really is like a man to me~”.
The guests gazed at me at once and screamed in disbelief, it was a commotion.
“Can I really say something so burdensome?”. The me on the screen blurted out while covering her face with her hands, as if that could prevent the sense of regret from manifesting.
I remember my stomach turning on itself, cold sweat was pouring down my forehead. I tried to control those violent reactions happening inside of me but failed miserably.
“I shouldn’t say burdensome things”. I uttered again while looking away.
“It’s not~”. I could see on my screen that Jiwon-oppa was averting his eyesight while saying so, with a sheepish smile on his face.
JeA-eonni then intervened revealing her testimony too. I realized only then that she knew so many things about me, making her a perfect snitch on the variety shows we participated together.
I was surrounded by my own embarrassment and couldn’t flee in any way. No matter where I looked, there was no way to avoid meeting someone else’s derogatory glare.
“We had finished a schedule together and were at the salon-…” She started, guiding everyone’s attention towards herself.
“…I told Dara I had a schedule with Jiwon-oppa” – She went on.
“Ah ~ Isn’t our Jiwon-oppa perfect?”. She mimicked me perfectly, from the high-pitched tone to the gestures, my jaw dropped to the ground at how accurate it was.
The studio filled with laughter again, so I just got along with the guests’ reaction and chuckled with them.
“Eonniii, why did you reveal that? I thought we were frieeends~”. I whined at the screen, throwing myself on my leather couch. The weight of my words appearing on my chest.
“Wow! Your vocal impression of her is exactly the same!”. Jiwon-oppa jumped out of his seat and exclaimed pointing at JeA-eonni.
“No but, seriously”. She continued.
My only ally was aspiring against me, strength escaped from my extremities, all I could do was witness my own self being torn apart in front of my crush, on national tv no less.
“Dara said that since he changed his hairdo, he looks younger than recent idols”. could feel my heart sink. I didn’t realize how childish my words sounded until someone else said them.
Various text appeared on the screen “Sandara who seems blinded by love”.
“WHY WOULD THEY WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THAT, AIGOO!”. I protested again, slamming my feet on the couch repeatedly.
I pointed at my tv, complaining about something I couldn’t change. I hid my face behind a small pillow, but I could still view the scene happening in my head, even with my eyes closed shut.
The hosts and guests gave mixed reactions. There were some oh’s and eh’s.
“Isn’t this an exaggeration?”. Jiwon oppa turned his head and referred to me, raising his eyebrow.
At the time I fled his confused gaze creating a wall with my hands in between us. I could not look at him normally, go figures if I had the gut to glance at him in a situation like that.
It was all or nothing, I gulped hard and quickly collected my courage – or what was left of it. What I could do was just go with it and confess altogether before other embarrassing testimonies popped out from nowhere.
I wouldn’t stop blurting about him for years, every time his name left my lips, I witnessed irked expressions on my friends’ faces because of how repetitive and annoying I got. I wouldn’t have been surprised if they had prepared other 50 testimonies to demonstrate my total and earnest adoration for him.
“Because he is next to me… I don’t know if I can say this…”. I muttered, keeping my hand-walls between him and me. My cheeks flushing by the minute.
I didn’t get to see his reaction while filming, it was the first time for me to actually watch how he behaved in that situation.
He looked straight in front of him, covering his mouth with one hand and listening attentively to what I was going to declare.
Joonhyung sunbae-nim smiled from to cheek to cheek like a pleased father, earnest to hear about my crush on Jiwon-oppa.
“And why do you like Jiwon-hyung?”. One of the hosts stood up and asked, raising his eyebrows in confusion.
“What do you like about him?”. Repeated another female host, her eyes sparkling with great interest.
“Well… he’s handsome”.
“Where did I get the guts to say that in front of him? eottokeeee?”. I facepalmed, feeling second-hand embarrassment for the Dara on screen.
Jiwon-oppa looked away, his cheeks turning red like two big tomatoes as soon as he heard my praises. An innocent smile popped up on his lips, showing the two front teeth he usually tried to hide behind his hands. He kept fidgeting as if he did not know how to put himself. His reaction was similar to the one you’d have when someone sings you “Happy birthday”. All you can do is just witness it and be grateful, even if it’s super-embarrassing.
“Ah~ but last time, from the Pom Saeng Pom Sa era he was like this, he had a tsundere charm”.
I basically repeated what I’ve revealed on Video Star. I refused to unveil more than what was already known to the public, what was revealed was already enough.
“But in real life he’s really kind…” I finished, emphasizing on the word kind.
I knew because of the You tube date that took place a year prior. Even if he looked cold and uninterested on the outside, he was quite comforting and soft-spoken once you got to know him.
am i really saying this out loud?
I felt dumbfounded, my body wanting to explode under the constant pressure I experienced throughout the conversation.
The MC spoke up, “Did you know about her feelings?”. He asked directly to Jiwon to keep the hype up.
I finally had the strength to look at him, anticipating his response. I was curious as to how he’d react.
He sat up, reuniting his hands, and looked around the studio.
“Well...uh”. He stuttered.
He rotated his whole body towards the MC who was questioning him - “22 years sounds like an exaggeration, but… when SECHKIES reunited, she came to the concert and cheered for us”,  he indicated me with his left hand, avoiding turning my direction.
“I also really like 2NE1, because of that, I also felt really nervous and fluttering feeling…”. He finished on a high note, not giving any hints and directing the topic elsewhere, perfectly gaining control over the conversation.
“YAH, it’s weirder because you are saying it so gently!”, lamented Joonhyung sunbae-nim jumping out of his sit and pointing at Jiwon-oppa.
“YOUR TONE IS WEIRD!”. Shouted the male host.
Jiwon-oppa was known for his straight-forwardness and bold way of speaking. Him suddenly being soft-spoken caused agitation on set.
“I’ve had enough!” I whimpered. I reached for the remote to try to turn off the tv.
“YOU’RE SO STUBBORN, DAMN REMOTE”.
I hit it against the arm of the couch until the tv finally turned off.
“I gets more embarrassing the more I watch it…”, I murmured under my breath, the scene kept playing in my head in loop, line a broken record.
I got up and glanced outside my window, I really could use some fresh air to calm myself up. It was a chilly night of August, there wasn’t much movement on the street in front of my apartment.
did I really manage to say those things?
I moved towards the kitchen as I craved a big cup of green tea, maybe that could have helped with calming my nerves.
I stretched my arm to get a hold of the teabags in the cupboard on my left and patiently waited for the water to boil. The only sounds that could be heard in my flat were the ones coming from the water bubbling up in the boiler and my long and deep sighs.
I shook my head hoping to erase my memories but the mocking laugh and mixed reaction from that one episode echoed in my ears.
I was used to narrate over the top stories adding my own flare to them, it became my trademark. I was Sandara Park, the former member of 2NE1 and the one in charge of portraying absurd stories in my cutesy way.
That was different. I could already see the whole world looking down own me. The riot in my stomach was just a sign of how affected I felt because of that matter.
A week had passed from the original airing date of the episode, but I still had a hard time overcoming that river of thoughts that washed me up like a giant tsunami.
~ brbrbrbrbrbr~ tic ~
The boiler had accomplished its work. I sat on a stool in front of the island counter and started to pour the water in my red mug. It appeared as a regular mug to the eyes of strangers, but it had meaning to me.
-
Chaerin had gifted it to me when she returned from L.A. to visit. It was a hard time for her, she wouldn’t tell me at first so I invited her to stay over at my house for a couple of days; only the thought of her going through a difficult time alone made my heart shutter in a million pieces.
I started to use the mug any chance I could to demonstrate her that I appreciated her thought, a small smile would appear on her face whenever she saw me sipping from it. That same smile was like a minuscule gap in the enormous wall she was trying so hard to build around herself.
We sat right there, in front of the counter, when she revealed her honest thoughts. Her voice started trembling as she confessed to me that she wished to leave YG ent., the agency we worked together for the past 13 years. Small teardrops would fall onto the counter, forming a small puddle. I squeezed her for an unreasonable amount of time, feeling her body shudder against mine every time she sobbed. Her warmth against my skin it’s what I reminisced when sipping a hot beverage out of that L.A. red mug.
She then returned in the U.S, far from the mistreatment she received in the motherland. I couldn’t blame her because she was right. She had every right to do so and so did I. The difference between us was that she was stronger than me.
My home suddenly looked like a big cage where a lonely rabbit hops in search for an exit that doesn’t exist.
i am that rabbit.
Dadoong meowed, as if wanted to talk back to me.
“You’re not alone as long as I’m here”, something like that. Or maybe he was just hungry, that was probably the case.
I kneeled on the wooden floor and started caressing his smooth fur. “Mian~ I almost forgot about you, my cutie~”. I whispered to him.
“meowww~”. He responded closing his small like buttons yes.
“I hope that means that you’ve forgiven me haha~”.
I replenished his bowl with cat food, the sound of his paws on the wood was quite adorable. I smiled looking at him eating peacefully.
I stood up and took the mug, blowing on the hot tea to take it to a reasonable drinking temperature.
With the corner of my eyes I noticed a couple of notifications popping up on my cellphone’s screen. I slowly but steadily got towards the couch, trying hard not to tip over the tea. There was a small coffee table in front of me where I had placed my cellphone prior. I left the mug on it and picked up the phone.
I hummed – “mhh- I wonder what they’re saying about me on SNS”.
I scrolled through the news of Naver, the infamous Hun Maen Jung Eum confession being in second and third place in the “most researched” list.
“ Sandara Park Admits To Having A Crush On SECHSKIES’s Eun Ji Won For The Past 22 Years ”
I pressed on the article and started scrolling down to look at the comments beneath it.
[+510 – 2] Aww he looks so flustered, so cute ~
[+ 436 -29] Does she not know he’s a divorcee?
[+386 – 5] I hope they start dating after this~ ㅋㅋㅋ
[+203 – 76] I wonder how awkward it is between them now
[+105 – 2] Isn’t it obvious that he doesn’t like her?
[+57– 46] She is such a boring person, no wonder he doesn’t take interest in her.
[+48 – 9] ㅎㅎㅎ she confessed to have dated many celebrities and now claims to be in love with Eun Jiwon for 22 years, what a b*tch
 “Ahh, i would’ve been better off without reading this huhu~”.
The malicious comments pierced right through my confidence, unveiling all my insecurities.
It is the harsh reality, one can’t possibly hope to be liked by everyone, still, those words were like salt on an open wound. I already felt vulnerable, as if someone stole my umbrella during a storm. All the opinions were painful waterdrops cascading on my head. A few do not hurt you but one after another they lead you to madness.
I’ve had been in this harsh industry for over 10 years, but I admitted to being still too vulnerable mentally to sustain the weight of words spouted at me.
A tear travelled lonely down my cheek as I threw the cellphone down on the couch, disappointed.
I already knew he perceived me as a hoobae and not as a woman, I was aware of that. That was exactly why I was so bothered by how I came off on tv. I disliked the idea that he would think of me as a delusional fool.
I sniffed and wiped off the tear with the long sleeve of my checkered pajama.
I enjoyed admiring him from afar, supporting him without being an annoyance, liking him without the risk of getting burned. I fangirled over him with all my girl friends, as if I were a 15-year-old again but deep inside I knew my liking to him had gone a bit further than just an innocent teen crush.
I knew he had divorced too; I was crushed at the thought of him suffering like that. Witnessing the love of a lifetime whiter with his own two eyes. How could people judge him for that?
love is not easy.
nothing is.
For work I was often surrounded by handsome celebrities who wouldn’t hesitate to confess their crushes on me, I’ve always managed to keep my cool and stay professional but there I was, my hands would tremble anytime Jiwon-oppa appeared in the same room, my body flinched anytime he’d touch me, even if inadvertently. I couldn’t control the redness from expanding on my cheeks when he talked to me.
behave self.
It wasn’t news that I dated a couple of celebrities since my debut, I even revealed how we met for dates on the same episode I confessed to Jiwon-oppa. It was thrilling to hide from the reporters, every relationship felt like a spy movie.
Those romance weren’t exactly k-drama worthy. Most of the times I was just a price to be won, I knew it deep down. It wasn’t anything more than a way to fill the silence in my flat with the pounding on the walls. No matter how many times I tried to convince myself that they loved me as much as I did, I was only a side event for when they were lonely.
Looking back, I wasn’t proud of my behavior. He gave me attention and I conceded him my body. I could feel his warm skin against mine, but when placing my ear to his chest, I didn’t hear his heart thumping. Relationship after relationship, the result didn’t change. Blinded by need for company I kept making the same mistake over and over again.
Bom-eonni once found me crying after one broke up with me. Reason being, he had enough of our relationship. He wasn’t wrong, it was me who expected it to be more than it actually was and ended up being disappointed.
“You’ll get hurt, please stop”. I remember her squeezing me until I implored her to stop, that eonni always ignored my weak build every time she embraced me.
“Dara don’t do this. Please”. She begged on the phone countless times because seeing me hurt like that was torture for her. She started to stay over at my place in case the man I was seeing decided to harass me.
I put a hold on dating after that, I gained control of my vulnerability for once.
Silence returned in my flat.
the life of an idol is quite lonely.
~parararing parararing - parararing parararing ~
“Dara-eonni ~ are you busy? how are you doing?”.
It was Chaerin-ah who called me.
“Hi Chaerin-ah ~ I’m doing fine… have you eaten yet? Don’t worry, I’m just chilling - I feel so tired.... ah~”.
“Honestly, lately I’ve lost my appetite”.
“How come? Force yourself to eat, even just an apple”.
I suddenly reminisced our trainee days. I was so thin compared to the other members; YG sajang-nim decided to put them all on a diet. I still felt guilty; there was nothing I could do because that was just how my body was built. I offered myself to diet alongside them, not to make them feel lonely but Bom-eonni whined at me – “You’re already so skinny, what’s the use of dieting Dara-yah?!”.
We were dubbed as ugly girl group, YG sajang-nim was the first one to call us that.  The pressure of being pretty weighted on us whenever we made a public appearance beside other girls groups or ate something that had more than 200 calories.
She ignored my advice and went on - “How do you feel?”.
“Uh? Me? I’m just fin-“.
She interrupted me – “Come on! Dara-eonni! Bom-eonni told me about you and Jiwon sunbae-nim!”. Her tone seemed pretty serious.
Moving to L.A. made it harder for Chaerin to get a hold of the news regarding entertainment in Korea. That was probably why she heard about it from someone else and got upset.
I really didn’t want to talk about that matter. I already wanted to bury myself under 6 feet of dirt and I did not want her to feel second-hand embarrassment because of my actions.
“Ah~ Chaerin-ah... I didn’t know what to do so I just went along with it... huhu~ Is it that bad?”. I asked, full of anticipation.
“It’s ok eonni, really. He’ll think of it as a joke and you’ll both laugh about it when you two will meet again”.
I really hoped that was the case; we acknowledged each other but didn’t have any opportunity to develop our friendship.
“Huhu Chaerin-ah~ Are people going to think I’m a crazy lady that keeps a Jiwon-oppa shrine in front of her bed? I read so many malicious comments…Will he avoid me after this?”.
“I knew this would bother you, that’s why I called - Dara-eonni, you should’ve told me sooner, you know I’m here for you”.
She was right. I was bothered, but I hated asking for help. Opening up became so much harder since we all moved out from the dorm we shared. If we had secrets to reveal, we would invade Bom-eonni’s room to gossip between ourselves. We used to sit on the floor to whisper about crushes and things we witnessed during music shows.
Everything I did made me reminisce the time I spent with 2NE1; I forever cherished the warmth that came being so close with the members.
“Ah~ Chaerin-ah~ Thanks for calling me”.
-
I sipped the green tea that was waiting for me on the wooden coffee table, my brows furrowed as my lips touched the cold beverage.
“Even the tea became cold… huhu~”.
I slumped back on the couch. All I wanted to do was to avoid him, as if he was pestilence himself, I didn’t want for things to get weird - I wasn’t ready to enter YG’s building only to have Teddy-oppa or Jiyong make fun of me in front of him.
~ ting ~
I remembered the real reason I actually searched for my phone in the first place; I had to check the notifications.
“Dara-ssi, I’ll fetch you tomorrow at 10 o’clock to escort you to the agency”. It was manager-nim who wrote a couple of messages to remind me of my schedule for the week.
I felt dumbfounded as I remembered Suwon-oppa telling me that Sechskies were starting to record tracks for their future comeback that day. There was no way I could avoid him when we worked in the same workplace.
I drowned my face in the pillow sitting on my couch and heaved a long sigh –
i am doomed.
 next chapter.  ⋆  masterlist. 
8 notes · View notes
lovelyirony · 5 years
Note
Do you think you could write a lil story based on the song Gone by Adrienne Lenker? It can be with any pairing you’d like, and if you don’t want to do it that’s fine too!! I don’t wanna be too pushy lol
When you break up with someone, it’s odd. Because sometimes it’s on the worst sort of terms imaginable, the kind that makes bile rise in your throat when you hear their name or you think of them. Sometimes it is for the best and you move on, forgetting. 
But sometimes. It ends on good terms. But you are still close to one another for a variety of reasons. And it’s fine. Things are fine. You want to be genuinely happy for the other person, and you recognize that you had something and now you don’t. 
Now you don’t. 
It’s like that with Tony and Pepper. They can’t make something like that work, she says over a dinner. Tony nods quietly. He understands it. To a certain extent, he knows that they both will ruin each other with their own self. 
This doesn’t stop the memories. 
He lies awake sometimes. When he can’t sleep, when he can’t do anything but remember it. 
-
“Ugh, what is this?” Pepper asks, chewing on the noodles. 
“A new place,” Tony says. “Supposed to be gourmet food, I happen to think that their cheesecake is divine but everything else needs work.” 
“You’d be right,” Pepper says, putting the food in the fridge and labeling it “up for grabs.” She walks over to the flip-book they’ve made for this, in her neat elegant script with Tony’s comments in the margins. “You want pizza or Greek?” 
“Mm, pizza. Pepperoni?” 
“Sounds good,” she says, dialing the number. Once ordered, she sits back, invading Tony’s space. Her head rests on his lap, and he smiles down at her as she scrunches her nose. He loves it when she does that. 
“Tired?” he asks, fingers automatically carding through her hair. He’s watched tutorials on how to braid hair. It’s actually pretty cool. He starts on a plait, working through the motions quickly. 
“Today was just kind of ‘blah.’ Not good, not bad. Just a regular day. Sucked.” 
“Well maybe I can make it better,” Tony says. “Dum-E and U have been practicing a new dance since you showed them ballet last week. They’ve arranged a performance.” 
“They’re the best,” Pepper says, laughing. He loves her laugh, the way she throws her head back when no one else is around. The wrinkles that form around her eyes are his favorite. 
-
He doesn’t really cause a lot of those anymore. They don’t order pizza anymore, although Pepper turned to him once when everyone was at home and asked for pepperoni. 
“Yeah,” he says, not even thinking. “Thanks sug--Pepper.” 
No pet names. They don’t do that. Pepper has the grace not to say anything, just nod silently and dial the number by heart. 
Rhodey is impressed that she knows it by heart. 
“Just the little things you pick up along the way,” she says with a shrug. Tony knows that that is a blatant lie. Because they used to order pizza a lot and Tony was too lazy to get his phone, and Pepper’s voice was a little less-recognizable. 
-
She hugs him, and when they used to date she put a forehead kiss on it for good measure. They hug a couple of times and she leans in and then goes back and looks confused and he knows why. 
But he doesn’t mention it. Doesn’t mention that she could still do it, but then he thinks that maybe she’ll think that he wants a relationship back. 
(And he does. God, he misses the way they used to cuddle together in the morning and Pepper cackled whenever Tony would fall out of bed because he got too tangled up in the sheets and she would kiss him on the cheek and promise bacon for breakfast.) 
They go on with their days and pretend like they don’t know as much about each other as they do. 
-
She goes on a date. She mentions this to her secretary and thinks that Tony doesn’t hear it, but he does and he sits in his office quietly for about fifteen minutes until she comes in to ask about a couple of changes. 
“You okay, Tony?” Pepper asks. 
“Uh, yeah,” Tony says. “Do I need to go to that little shindig in Sweden?” 
“You mean the technology talk about revolution? Maybe,” Pepper says. 
She can’t say anything, but she knows that he isn’t okay. He is incredibly sad. But when you’re in a relationship, you can kind of question that. And she’s not supposed to know, but she knows. She could pull the friendship card and sit down, but there’s something that could possibly come up about their past and feelings and she doesn’t want to deal with it. 
Not when she needs to be in a good mood for this date tonight. 
So he is Fine. Capital F and everything. Maybe he’ll treat himself to a mocha later tonight, when he’s alone in his kitchen and debating on making a chicken dish to try and distract himself or eat the fruit bowl he made a couple of days ago and watch a mindless TV show and potentially wonder what Pepper is doing. 
The latter wins out. 
He wonders if she’s laughing, looking over at the table at her date like she did with him. If she’s kissing the person goodnight, how long they’ll be out. 
If she brushes too closely and sneakily does the hand-hold thing that she likes to do. 
But not with him. 
-
She deserves happiness. He tells himself that when he gets the urge to say something catty or bad and hates himself for it. 
He’s trying very hard to move on. But it’s kind of hard when you are with them and you have pictures on your phone that you won’t get rid of yet because you still have this fucking terrible hope that they’re going to randomly confess that they’re in love with you again and you’ll cook breakfast like it’s the same but it’s 
it’s fucking not 
and you know this, okay? 
You know that the eggs will taste the same but you would sit across from each other and all that would be playing in your head is the hey can we talk for a minute text and the way her eyes see you and it’s not like--it’s not like before when she saw you it’s different and painful and her hug doesn’t feel as genuine and her voice is flat and you’re wondering what you did wrong and what you can fix--
and so you don’t sit across from her at breakfast and you get that particular, stupid little daydream out of your head because it’s occupying way too much space. 
And you try to be happy because you know that you can move and eventually maybe you will. 
But you remember that she hated bright pink lipstick, but still had a tube of it in her make-up drawers just in case she changed her mind. 
Her coffee was usually iced, but if she didn’t want that she got something caramel flavored that you despised because “it tastes gross, Pep, if I wanted something that artificial tasting I’d just put plastic directly into my mouth!” 
Her favorite color was blue. Her favorite high heels were the ones that she’s only worn twice for special occasions because they barely match anything. If she was going to be named anything else, she likes the name Anne because when she was little she wanted to be Anne of Green Gables because her hair was also red and she was the prettiest person that Pepper could imagine. 
You know lots of things. And you always will. The information hurts a little bit, honestly. Leaves an ache in you that won’t really be leaving. But it’s fine. Because you still love them and you want the best for them, even if that’s not you. 
Even if it will never be you again.  
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manawhaat · 5 years
Text
Welcome to Womanhood
Title: Welcome to Womanhood
Characters: Steve x Reader, Tony, Sam, Wanda, Natasha, Bruce, Pepper. 
Summary: When you’re faced with seeing a gynecologist, Steve and Tony don’t understand your hangups.
Prompt: No One Believes Them - for @star-spangled-bingo
Warnings: Angst, feelings of panic/fear/anger, brief mentions of past mental trauma, doctor’s offices, gynecologists/ gynecological descriptions, tmi, slight fluff, slight sexy vibes? 
Word Count: 6k
A/N: Written for Star Spangled Bingo. This fic stems directly from personal history and experiences and it’s an overshare and super specific but writing it has helped me so fuck it. FYI, any dramatization or exaggeration of time in this fic are based on the exact wait times of my own gyno visit last month. Thank you @thelittleredwhocould for the beta and thank you to anyone who reads this 👍
“Ms. Y/l/n, Mr. Stark has an appointment for you today.”
“Does he, now? Cause I don’t remember having Dr. Stark and Banner in my calendar, F.R.I.D.A.Y.”
“This appointment was scheduled today.”
“Well how ever am I supposed to know if I have time for an appointment if it’s scheduled at the last minute?” you tease, voice all sing-song and high pitched. Steve and Sam smirk at your back and forth from the kitchen island.
Before the program can respond Tony rounds the corner with Wanda and Nat on his tail, knocking on the counter top to get your attention.
“Speak of the devil.” Sam winks in your direction and your mouth draws into smile.
“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that,” Tony snarks at Sam. “Anyway, I’m gonna need to steal you away for a bit, Y/n. Doc’s waiting.”
“What kind of doctor am I seeing today, Anthony? I thought you and Bruce were gonna do all of our check ups, and last time I checked, you were done with me.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t think Cap, here, would want me or Banner up close and personal with your fun bits, even with all of my-” he clears his throat and paints on a cocky grin- “experience in the field. So I’ve brought in one of the best. Pepper’s doctor already did those two-” he waves a finger at Nat and Wanda at the other side of the island with Steve and Sam- “so we’re just waiting on you.”
A pit forms in your stomach and a lump fills your throat. “A- a gynecologist?”
“Yeah, last stop on the Health Express. Now, all aboard,” Tony jokes, completely amused by himself as he fake toots a train horn, oblivious to the panic in your eyes.
“No.”
Steve’s eyes lift from his notebook at your answer. The moment he takes in your stance, defensive and scared, he knows something is wrong.   
“Oh, come on. You’ve sat there for every test we’ve done. Don’t get doctor shy on me, now. He’s great, right girls?” He claps his hands and opens them to the women behind Sam.
Wanda nods. “Very gentle.”
“Probably the best I’ve ever seen,” Natasha agrees.
“See? He’s stellar, so let’s go and we’ll get it over with and have you back here in a jiffy.”
Your head shakes back and forth in disbelief. “This can’t be happening.” It’s a whisper that no one hears and when Tony reaches for your wrist you snap and lose any semblance of cool you’d been holding onto. “Don’t fucking touch me!” The tone of your voice and fire in your eyes is enough for the guys to stand from their chairs as the girls look on with concerned eyes.
“Easy, tiger,” Tony coos, hands up in surrender.
“How dare you, Tony?”
Tired of your ‘outburst’, he deadpans, “It’s just a check up, Y/n.”
“How could you just decide this for me? Without even asking me or giving me time to-”
“Y/n, sweetheart,” Steve coos, walking around the island to de-escalate the situation.
“This is my body. Not yours. Goddammit! You have absolutely no right to grant anyone access to my body, to something so intimate,” you rage, torn apart with anger that Tony could make you feel so violated.
“Y/n, hey, look at me.”
When Steve is shoulder to shoulder with Tony, you freeze. As comforting as your boyfriend usually is, he’s too big and he’s caging you in, only adding to the fear filling you to the brim. It’s a defense mechanism, but your fists curl at your sides as he slowly approaches.
“Stop,” you plead, eyes dangerously close to spilling tears.  
He does, and before anyone can blink a red hue fills their eyes. The posture they’d adopted to make themselves look smaller fades away and they turn to walk out of the room. Eyes darting from person to person, you find Wanda with energy flowing from her fingertips, mercifully removing them from the situation long enough for you to dart out of the room with Sam on your heels.
Sam calls after you, a gentle hand wrapping around your upper arm. “Hey, hey, hold up. Are you okay?”
“I- fuck!”
His hands wrap around your shoulders, his soft, concerned eyes anchoring you as he takes a breath that you mimic. “It’s okay. It’s just me. Do you want me to take you somewhere for a while?” he asks, knowing you need something but not quite knowing what exactly that is.
“Sam, I know you wanna help, but I can’t, okay. Maybe later, but for now, please just let me go,” you ask, shaking in his hold. He instantly takes a step back and raises his hands for you to leave, shooting you a small nod at the silent ‘thank you’ in your eyes.
Wanda and Natasha find you on the rooftop, face buried in your knees where you sit curled up in one of the plush deck chairs set out for sunbathing. The two take seats on either side of you, offering comfort that only another woman can provide.
Nat breaks the silence. “You okay?”
A wave of uneasiness fills you but slowly subsides into a feeling closer to guilt. “Uhm, I don’t know. But I’m sorry for all of that. And thank you for what you did, Wanda.”
“I saw what they couldn’t, so I’m happy I did the right thing.”
“When did Tony tell you guys about this?”
“About a week ago?” Wanda nods in agreement with Nat.
“We thought you knew about the exam today but apparently you didn’t. It took you by surprise and you showed that but you don’t need to apologize for that feeling,” Wanda explains.
Head falling, your eyes scrunch closed. “I know, I just, I feel like I freaked them out.”
“To be fair, Tony freaked you out first. Sooo….” Natasha smiles a little when you accept her words. “So, do you wanna talk about it?”
A heavy sigh leaves you and you sit up straight between them, fingers fiddling in your lap.
“I know that it’s just part of my health, but having someone down there-” you shudder- “inside of me, when they aren’t there for consensual romantic reasons….I  just- it’s a hurdle I can’t get over. My body, my sexuality, it's always been something I was raised to keep hidden. I get that my parents were trying to protect me, but they drilled it into me so deep in such an unhealthy way. ‘No boys, no romance, don’t even talk to boys. No sex until you’re married. Your body is yours and is NEVER to be shared with another person unless you’re married.’ And then one day my childhood doctor physically unbuttoned and unzipped my pants while I was laying there on his exam table. I freaked out.”
“Naturally,” Nat chimes.
“Naturally. I didn't let him do the exam so we left and my mom yelled at me the whole way home for not letting him look. Like, how the fuck can you tell someone their entire life not to share their body and then one day just say 'open your legs and let him see.’ and expect them to be okay? It’s so- I don’t know- personal? But it’s not personal the way it is with me and Steve, and that’s the only way my brain can process anyone down there. So the only thing left for me to label it as is invasive. No matter how much time I have I can never fully prepare for it, and the thought of Tony overseeing something so….so wrong,” you squeak, “God, it makes me want to vomit.”
“Hey.” Natasha’s voice has you lifting your chin to meet her eyes. “It’s not wrong. There’s nothing wrong with gynecologists. Tony is, well, Tony- and it was kind of a dick move of him to thrust that on you. But you do need to see someone.”
Eyes narrowing in her direction, even she can see you starting to crack. “Why are you always fucking right?”
“Me? Right? Is that even possible?” she grins sarcastically.  
“So you’ll see someone?” Wanda asks.
A grimace paints your face, but you nod. “Yeah. I know I have to, and at least if I set it up myself then I can be in control of it.”
“Good. And we’ll be here as long as you need us,” Nat smiles, wrapping her arm around you as Wanda hugs you from the other side.
Sandwiched between them, you sniff and let out a laugh. “Thank you.”
An hour later the three of you are just getting up to go back downstairs, find some ice cream, and watch chick flicks when a tall figure looms into view. Your back straightens, but the look in his eyes allows you to deflate.
Flashing a smile to Nat, she and Wanda leave you alone with Steve.
“Hey.”
You step into his space, reaching out for his hand. “Hey,” you sigh, playing with his fingers.
“I- I’m sorry for making things worse. Tony asked me this morning if you were available today and I told him you were. I figured he or Bruce or F.R.I.D.A.Y. would fill you in on the appointment.”
Dropping his hand, you take a step back. “You knew?” Venom laces into your voice and he stands straight. “You knew and you just volunteered me for that?”
“I’m sorry, Y/n.”
“You and Tony ambushed me, Steve. What the fuck!”
Pushing past him, he groans and follows you. “I didn’t think it would be a big deal.”
“Yeah, you sure as hell didn’t think, Steve.”
“Hey.” His voice is firm and all too Captain Rogers, but you stop anyway, turning on your heels to glare up at him. Broad shoulders are set high and those blue eyes are piercing.
“It’s just another doctor’s appointment. Ever since Pepper started riding Tony about his health we’ve all been going through it. I don’t understand what the issue is, Y/n.”
“Of course you fucking don’t,” you puff, completely defeated and unable to believe that this is your Steve standing in front of you. “A complete stranger opening me up and prodding around inside of me-” you shove at his chest- “physically feeling the most intimate part of me while I’m laying there on a cold, hard table, forced to just sit there and let it happen for the sake of my health….” Tears finally spill from your eyes and your voice wavers as you continue. “That is not ‘just another doctor’s appointment’, Steve. It feels like molestation, and I can’t believe you would knowingly volunteer me for that.”
Broken voice, spirit, and heart, you walk away before he can say another word. You thank high heaven when he doesn’t chase after you, and you find Natasha and Wanda again, bunking down in Nat’s room for the night.
Things between you and Steve are awkward and tense for the first time in years. You’re both at odds and as much as it hurts to not be with him like normal, it hurts more knowing that he was part of what caused it.
Natasha is kind enough to share her room with you for a few days and when you start to overstay your welcome your room feels like a prison cell. The bed you share is too small, but Steve mercifully keeps his distance. It’s a rough couple of weeks before you find a doctor that you can talk to over the phone and after discussing your concerns and listening with an open heart she sets you up with an appointment.  
When you tell Steve it settles some of the tension between you. He just wants you healthy and your hang ups aren’t something he can understand or relate to -even when you open up to him and tell him everything. He’s usually so empathetic and understanding, but for some reason there’s just a disconnect that he can’t bridge. He wants to understand. He wants to believe you, but he just can’t help but feel like you’re being dramatic and overly sensitive to it, so he keeps his distance on the subject. As long as you’re taking care of yourself he won’t push it.  
Between missions popping up and your irregular periods reigning down endless sabotage you end up scheduling and cancelling four different appointments. The waiting game is inconvenient, stressful, and has more and more anxiety settling in your gut. It’s a shift in you that Steve easily notices and is a little surprised by, but your fifth attempt appointment date finally arrives without a hitch.
The two of you leave Stark Tower with dark shades and hats on, just in case. The subway is dark and all too bright at the same time, everything about the strangers caging you in as you reach your final destination making you almost nauseated with worry. The office is nice but still smells like old paper and hand sanitizer, and Steve sits with you as you fill out the forms that seem to never end.
“I didn’t think there would be so many questions,” he says, flipping the already filled out pages through his fingers. “You’ve been here for almost an hour just filling out forms… do they really need to know all of this if they’re looking at just one part of you.”
“Welcome to Womanhood, Captain.” The sarcasm doesn’t erase your distress, it barely hides it.
When you’re finally called back by the nurse Steve follows behind you. She puts up a feeble hand before her eyes scan his face. Pink crawls over her cheeks as she steps aside, giddy and half-focused as she takes your height and weight.
Steve stands there with your purse and shoes in his hand, a polite smile on his face as she composes herself and leads you both to the examination room.
Her words are simple. “The provider will be in soon.” And when the door shuts behind her, silence fills the already uncomfortable room.
Ten minutes pass before a different nurse comes in to take your vitals and ask a series of questions that weren’t on any of the forms you’d filled out. She seems to be completely oblivious to who you and Steve are and explains what they’ll be doing during this visit before setting out the instruments needed on a sterile cloth on the counter top.
“Go ahead and undress completely. This is the top, to be worn like a vest, and this is a sheet for the bottom,” she explains, holding the flimsy items up for display. “The provider will be in as soon as she can.” The door clicks behind her and you let out a huff.
“Why do they keep calling the doctor ‘the provider’?” Steve asks as you start undressing and handing him each item of clothing to fold into his lap.
“It’s supposed to be more removed and less personal than ‘doctor’ so you don’t feel like you’re being touched intimately, I guess.”
“I get the idea, but ‘provider’ sounds worse. Like you’re being probed.”
“Welcome to Womanhood, Captain,” you sneer with a fake salute that has Steve stiffening in his seat.
The sound of crinkly paper fills the room as you wrap the gown pieces across your body and try to find a way to secure them so you don’t have to actively hold them shut.
Steve smirks. “Nice outfit.”
You do a few model poses and spin around for him. “Oh, thanks. Wanna try it on?” The fake smile on your face turns to a real one at the way he chuckles.
Minutes that seem like hours pass at an agonizing pace, the build up and anticipation only making you more of a nervous wreck. The exam table beneath you is too firm and uncomfortable, so with a huff you jump off and Steve moves your clothes and purse to the counter so you can sit in the chair beside him.
The room is cold and quiet aside from your deep breaths and the hum of the fluorescent lights. Steve is at a loss for words, but he tries to comfort you. It doesn’t work. Every shift you make is loud, and soon the temperature of the room clings to your skin and worms past the paper dress you’re in. His arm wraps around you in an attempt to keep you warm, but it rips the fabric along your shoulders.
“I’m sorry,” he spits out the second he realizes what’s happened.
A long sigh turns into grumbling as you get up and start digging through the drawer the nurse had opened earlier. He wants to help, to comfort you, but he can’t. Steve isn’t used to feeling helpless, so he stands and paces back and forth when you take your seat on the exam table, again.
A knock on the door has you perking up, and the nurse from before enters the room. “So, the provider is going to need a urine sample,” she says, holding up the plastic cup and alcohol wipe. “You can get dressed and use the restroom two doors down, and when you come back in I’ll have you get undressed and into a new gown.”
Your eyes roll but Steve jumps in, polite as ever as the nurse turns to leave the room. “Thank you.”
He hands you your clothes and when you come back from the restroom, pee cup in tow, the room is even colder than it was before.
“Jesus Christ, it’s freezing in here,” you shiver.
“I actually asked a nurse about it while you were gone. She said she’d try to fix it. I’d try to keep you warm, but-”
“Yeah, apparently Cap beats Paper,” you smirk, the mood light for a moment while you undress and re-robe.
Time passes like molasses. You’re looking at the purple hue under your fingernails when you finally ask, “What time is it?”
His brows knit together as he looks at his watch. “Holy shit. It’s almost three.”
“Language, Captain,” you smirk, all too unamused with this entire ordeal.
“We’ve been here for almost three hours. Why does this take so long?” he asks, voice quiet but appalled as he examines the tools set out on the counter.
“Gotta set the mood,” you laugh humorlessly, flopping back onto the table, not even caring about modesty or comfort anymore. Before you can speak, Steve takes the words right out of your mouth.
“This is exhausting.”
A breathy laugh leaves your mouth and another half hour passes before a knock on the door has you sitting up with a groan.
“Hello, Y/n,” the doctor smiles and extends her hand. “I’m Dr. Nakalah.”
Shaking her hand, you nod. “Nice to meet you. And thank you for speaking with me over the phone. Like I said, this is-” the words sit heavy on your tongue and your eyes begin to glass.
“It’s alright. Women’s health is a very personal thing and I want you to feel as comfortable as possible.” Her kindness and honesty warms your heart and she gives you a moment while she turns to Steve.
He stands and offers his hand, voice deep and soothing. It’s for you, and it doesn’t go unnoticed. “Steve Rogers- Y/n’s boyfriend.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Steve. Thank you for coming with Y/n today. These things can feel invasive and be a bit overwhelming, so it’s always nice to see partners supporting each other.”
Pepper’s doctor might be one of the best but you’re happy you went with Dr. Nakalah. She’s human.
“So, Y/n, we’re going to do a Well Woman Exam today. That includes a breast exam, pap smear, and pelvic exam. In a minute I’ll have my medical assistants step in to help me with the exam and record the data.”
Her eyes flit to Steve and you clear your throat. “Um, can he stay in during the exam?”
“We don’t usually allow anyone else in the room, but with what we discussed, if you would feel more comfortable with him here, then yes, he can stay. If not, there’s a separate waiting room just around the corner.”
Steve hides his smile when you say, “I’ll have him stay.”
Two gentle knocks on the door prompt Dr. Nakalah to stand, the two nurses from before entering the room with polite smiles. The one with the laptop stands by the door as the other goes to the counter, ready to help the doctor with the exam.
“Ready?” Dr. Nakalah asks.
Your brows scrunch together and you half laugh out the words, “Hell no.” Steve goes rigid, but your smile breaks the tension and has all of the women in the room chuckling. A begrudging groan fills the room and you nod to the doctor, her voice calm as she begins.
“Like we talked about on the phone, I’ll talk you through everything we’re doing. Go ahead and lay back, then lift your arm over your head.” Nodding, you do as she says. The paper crinkles as you move it aside and her hands are gentle as she starts applying pressure to your breast. “We’re gonna feel around for any lumps or differences in breast tissue. You can do this at home routinely, and if you notice anything contact us and schedule and exam immediately.”
Your head turns and you catch Steve’s eyes. They’re filled with concern, but this isn’t the part you have any trouble with. ‘I’m good’ you mouth, and his shoulders lower a little.
She examines each breast and nods down at you. “Ok, everything felt normal. We’re going to go into the pap, now. Please put your feet into the stirrups and scoot to the edge of the table. Your butt should be almost off the edge of it.”
A hard lump forms in your throat but you do as she asks. Your thighs are still shut tight and the thought of having to expose yourself so fully has you sucking in a ragged breath. The doctor waits patiently, giving you the time to do it yourself. At the edge of the table, you mentally prepare yourself and let your knees fall open a bit, your neck straining a bit to look at the doctor.
“Is that far enough?” you ask.
“Just a little more,” she instructs, asking you to scoot closer and open your legs more. “Ok, good.”
When you look again, Steve has stood and is off to the side of the doctor, wanting to watch the process that plagues you so painfully. The line of his jaw is set tight and his eyes are laser focused when the assistant behind her clicks open the cap and lubes the speculum, handing it to your doctor and grabbing the swabs.
“Alright, I’m going to insert the speculum and open it up, then we’ll get a swab of your cervix. Try to relax and take deep breaths for me.”
As she moves the tool toward you, you decide you can’t watch. Your head thunks against the padded table as you heave in a breath, trying to control it as the speculum tip is pressed against your lips. There’s a little bit of resistance, and you open your legs further before it starts sliding in. Wrenching your eyes closed and curling your fists into the thin paper, the plastic stops, caught on your labia.
“Just gonna push this in a little more,” she says, and then there’s a bit of weight behind her hand where it is pushed in as far as it needs to be.  
“I’m gonna open this up and do a couple of swabs. You’ll feel some little pressure, here, Y/n,” she warns.” The speculum opens, and the pressure isn’t too bad. It’s definitely not comfortable, but you aren’t in pain, so you risk a glance.
The look on Steve’s face is one you’ve never seen before. It’s a mixture of shock, mortification, guilt, worry, and fear.
Dr. Nakalah takes the swabs from her assistant and meets your eyes, shooting you an encouraging and comforting nod. The discomfort is temporary and before you have time to overthink and panic, she’s speaking again. “Done with that, just going to remove this.”
It’s an odd feeling that sends a shiver crawling up your spine and fluttering in your gut as the plastic slips out of you. As exposed as you still are, it’s much better than the vulnerability of being splayed open in front of everyone.
“Alright. Doing great. For the pelvic exam I’m going to place a finger inside and press down on your lower abdomen and pelvic area to feel for any irregularities and check your ovaries. Keep breathing, nice and even, okay?”
“Okay,” you nod, watching as she stands from her stool. The assistant places lube on Dr. Nakalah’s gloved finger and then she’s standing between your legs. One hand placed atop your pelvis, her finger pushes into you, the hand on your pelvis applying pressure as she feels for any abnormalities. “Alright, and we’re done,” she says, easing her finger out of you and stepping back.  
Steve comes to your side, left a little dazed by what he saw, but he helps you to sit up as your feet drop slowly out of the stirrups. His hands are warm on your back and you pull the sheet back over your lap while the nurses and doctor collect the samples and remove their gloves. “Okay, Y/n, you can get dressed and one of the nurses will be back in a few minutes to schedule your follow up. We’ll give you a call when your results are back, and if you have any questions or would like to talk about the visit today please feel free to call any time.”
“Thank you so much.”
She shakes your hand again, eyes kind and warm, then shakes Steve’s hand and leaves. When it’s just the two of you in the room again, Steve’s deep voice is in your hairline. “You did great, sweetheart.”
Eyes shut, you’re able to let out the shudder that had sunk into your bones, a noise coming from your mouth as you let it go and shake your hands and head to get it out. Your posture deflates while you simply sit for a second and calm your racing heart. When you shift to stand, the excess lube slips through your labia and you wince, turning to your boyfriend.
“Can you, um, can you turn around for a minute?” He seems a little puzzled, but complies with your request.
Hopping off the table, you use the sheet you were wrapped in to wipe between your legs, then crinkle it up into a ball. There’s still lube down there, so you find the tissues on the counter and use a few to wipe away and scoop out what’s left from the exam. Steve is still facing the wall and when you pull the tissue away there’s a mixture of lube and blood. A flicker of fear ignites in your chest and you wipe a couple more times until the blood and lube are gone.
Tossing the paper and pulling on your clothes warmth seeps back into your skin and you let out a small, happy sigh when you’re fully dressed again.
“Ok, you can turn around, now.” He does, and you smile at him from the sink. “Thank you.”
You can’t wash your hands fast enough and you don’t even bother to dry them before crashing yourself into his chest. A hum vibrates against your cheek and his thick arms wrap around you, holding you tight.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I didn’t believe you. I didn’t think this was a big deal and I hate that I hurt you. I can’t even begin to imagine what it was like to be on your side of that, but I have a better understanding of what this means to you, now, and I’m so proud of you for staying as calm as you did while you went through that.”
Tears cloud your eyes and you simply bury yourself deeper in his chest, happy that you have your Steve back. He exudes tranquility and you bask in it, evening your breathing to match his beating heart, not pulling away from his hold until the nurse is knocking on the door again. She sets a follow up for you and asks if you have any questions.
“Um, yeah. Uhh, when I cleaned up the lube there was-” you clear your throat- “I was bleeding…”
Steve’s eyes shoot open wide as the nurse nods. “Some bleeding or spotting and cramping can be normal after a pap. If it’s excessive then you’ll need to come back in or go to an emergency room, but it’s usually just the day of or the day after,” she explains, and your unease is sated.
You nod and smile. “Oh, ok, perfect. It freaked me out and I just wanted to check.”
“Yeah, it should be fine. Just monitor it. And here’s your next appointment for follow up.” She hands you an appointment card. “Dr. Nakalah’s number is on there, as well, so you can call the office or call her directly if you need to cancel, reschedule, or have any more questions. Thank you, and have a great rest of your day.”
“Thank you,” you and Steve chime in unison, smiles on all of your faces as she leaves.
When the two of you exit the building, the sky outside is gold and orange and pink with blue bits starting to fade in. The air is a little cooler on your skin and your hand finds Steve’s out of instinct. He sighs- full chested, tongue swiping quickly over his lips with squinted eyes.
When he looks down at you a residual shiver runs up your spine and he pulls you into his side. Breathing him in, his scent and warmth soothe you. With your feet moving together, slowly, but in sync, he hums, voice a little more timid than before.
“I’m sorry, again, Y/n. For all of it.”
“Thank you for coming with me; for seeing for yourself.”
Steve stops you, those oceanic eyes making you melt into him. He drops his mouth, lets the space between you linger. Then, he closes in with a weight behind his actions, fingertips slipping up into your hairline as he holds you there to make sure he’s getting it all right.
It’s the first time you’ve kissed in almost a month. It’s filled with apologies and love, one kiss to make up for all the time he didn’t spend kissing you. The sounds of the street fade away and in the middle of a busy world it’s just the you and your Steve- mouth to mouth, heart to heart.
The rest of the way home you keep yourself pressed up against his side, shuddering at random until you’re in the safety of your room again. Undressing each other slowly and kissing with no destination in mind, Steve leaves your needy lips to run a bath and when the water’s warm and the enormous tub is full, he pulls you into it, your chest pressed against his as he hums an old song into your hair.
“Ya know, if anything can make me forgive Tony, it’s this bathtub.”
Laughter echoes off the bathroom walls and Steve nods down at you, asking, “Will you talk to him?”
There’s an attempt to mask your pain, but he sees past it. You shrug. “Probably not.”
Steve lets out a sigh and you know he’s a little disappointed with that answer.
Knocking on the bathroom door has you both at attention and Steve going to get up from the tub when Tony’s voice filters in from the other side. “Y/n, you in there?”
Steve’s voice is teeming with intrigue and his eyebrow quirks up when he sinks back down into the hot water. “Speak of the devil.”
“Yeah, Tony. What’s up?” Your eyes roll and Steve shoots you a look that says, ‘give him a chance’, so you pull a face but listen when Tony starts talking.
“Ah, yeah, so I just wanted to say sorry for the whole, well, you know. And, uhh, I’m sorry if you felt like- ow.” Tony stops and the two of you look at each other, puzzled for a moment before the muttering on the other side of the door and an audible smack reach your ears.
“Start over right now, Tony,” Pepper demands in a harsh whisper.
Ear-to-ear smiles bloom on your faces when you and Steve lock eyes and Tony starts over again. “I’m sorry for not realizing that surprising you with a gynecologist isn’t a good surprise.”
“Jesus Christ,” Pepper hisses, making you and Steve suppress your laughter.
“And it was wrong of me to assume that would be okay?” He stops for a beat and you can practically see him on the other side of the door looking at Pepper to see if his words are the ones she wants him to say. “Yes. I shouldn’t have done that to you, aaaand-”
“It won’t happen again.” Pepper whispers.
“It won’t happen again.” Tony declares.
Silence fills the room and when nothing else comes from his end, Steve wraps his hand around yours. “Well?”
“With an apology like that?”
Steve shrugs and you half laugh, half sigh before calling out, “Thank you, Pepper.”
“Excuse me?!”
“You’re welcome, Y/n,” she replies.
“Um, no, sorry, Pepper isn’t here right now.”
“We left a few gifts on the bed for you. And sorry again, sweetheart,” she says through the door. Tony keeps rambling but the sound soon fades as she drags him out of your room.
Steve chuckles deep and pulls you back to his chest, strong arms wrapping around you so he can whisper in your ear. “Better?”
Steve won’t doubt you again, and even with Pepper coaching Tony through his apology, you can tell that he knows he was wrong. The two of them can’t erase what they did, but it sure as hell won’t happen again.
“Y/n?” Steve asks, blue eyes looking at you like you’re all that’s good in the world.
Warmth fills your heart and you nod your head. “Better.”
When the water is only mildly warm and your fingers are pruney Steve pulls you out of the tub and wraps you in a plush, warm towel. True to Pepper’s words, a spread of gifts is laid out at the foot of your bed.
“Champagne, chocolate, flowers?” Steve turns to you with a sly grin. “Looks like Tony’s done his fair share of apologizing to women.”
You laugh and Steve plucks a note from the flowers, handing it to you while he clears the bed.
‘I messed up and you deserved better than what I gave you. Sorry, Kid.’
It’s somehow exactly what you need to hear from him.
A pop startles you but you smile when Steve offers you a glass of champagne and puts on some music. Champagne kisses are shared while the two of you sway to the music in just your towels and when your glasses are empty you get comfy for bed.
When Steve’s blue crystals turn into bedroom eyes you crawl up the bed and into his open arms. Fitting yourself perfectly in his hold, he wraps you up in a powerful kiss that makes you forgive and forget all the hell he’d put you through.
He has just one thing on his mind, and he’s only just getting started making it up to you.
Tags for my marvel list and for everyone who said they’d be interested in reading this. Thanks guys :)
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glitterquadricorn · 5 years
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O’ Death/Snow - Peter Parker
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Summary: When death comes knocking, feelings are revealed.  Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader Word Count: 2,098 (<---- That’s a lot of words.) Warning(s): angst, fighting, injuries, mentions blood, guns and gun shot wounds, death, flashbacks, abuse (mental, emotional and physical but doesn’t),  go into detail), mentions torture, mentions suicide, curse word(s), a funeral, 
A/N: Since O’ Death is a short song, i’ll combine it with snow by machineheart. 
O Death, O Death / Won't you spare me over 'til another year?
“This will be a dangerous mission,” Steve paused. His eyes went to the group of heroes surrounding him. “We have reason to believe Hydra has been doing illegal experimentation to build an army. We need to stop them before they can cause harm to anyone else. Stay safe everyone,”
The group dispersed, getting ready for the impending fight. Y/n walked over to the bench and had a seat, checking her guns to make sure they were loaded. Peter watched her movements. He had quite the affinity for the woman, but he never acted on his feelings simply because he was scared of her not feeling the same way. But little did he know, she felt the same way. 
The quinjet landed in the snow, and together they trekked into the cold forest. They made it a half mile from the quinjet before the alarms of the hydra building sounded off. ‘Can we just have an easy mission for once?’ She thought as she pulled her trusty pistols from their holsters. Pulling the triggers, she shot down the hydra agents that came her way. Just then, she was grabbed by the hair and tossed across the ground and into a tree. 
“What the hell?” She muttered under her breath, using the tree behind her as leverage to help herself off the ground. Dusting off the snow on her suit, she looked up at whoever could’ve thrown her. 
Across from her stood a woman. She stood tall and had a body that was clearly athletically built. Her hair just barely brushed the top of her shoulders and her eyes were void of any emotion. 
“What do you want from me?”
Tilting her head to the side, “Твоя жизнь (your life),” 
Y/n, not the one to back down from a fight, stood her ground as the woman came at her with her fist balled. She threw the punch and as much as y/n tried to avert her fist, it landed directly on her nose. Y/n could immediately tell that her nose was not only broken, but blood was gushing out like a faucet. She didn’t have time to process what had happened because the woman came at her once again and wrapped her arm around your neck. Y/n could feel herself getting closer to unconsciousness as her vision started to blur. She had to think of something quickly to get let go of, but she then remembered stashing a dagger in her boot early on the flight over. Quickly pulling the dagger out, she brought it up to the woman’s arm and plunged it in deep. This caused the woman to let go of her. And with one swift movement, y/n turned around and yanked the dagger out. She stomped on the woman’s left thigh, bringing her down to her knees. After that, she kicked the winter soldier’s shoulder, knocking her down on her back. Twirling the dagger in her hand, she brought it down to the soldier’s chest, attempting to stab her. But the soldier was quick to hold up her hands and block the dagger. The soldier kicked y/n in the shin then kicked her in the face. And she was pushed back far enough for the soldier to grab a gun from the many holsters and fire.
She felt the first bullet tear through her right shoulder. She stumbled back a little before being hit with the second bullet. The second bullet hurt the worst; it entered just below the ribs on the left.
The soldier stepped over y/n’s shaking body, and pointed the gun between her eyes. “град гидра (hail hydra),” And just as she was about to pull the trigger, her saving grace, Sam Wilson, swooped in and slammed her against a tree, knocking her out cold
“Guys, y/n’s been shot twice,” Sam said, bending down to her side. He tried to apply pressure on both wounds, but putting pressure on them only caused y/n to scream in pain. “It’s not looking very good.”
Seconds later, Peter swung in and bent down next to her. “No, no, this can’t be happening. We’re going to get you help, y/n. Just stay awake!”
“Peter... I’m dying. I know I am,” 
“No! No you’re not! You’re going to be just fine,” Peter looked down at her with tears in his eyes. He knew she was dying, but he didn’t want to accept it. 
“I- I need to tell you something,” she said, grabbing Peter’s hand. “When you first got the tower, I always thought you were annoying. I mean, you still are, but once I sat down and actually talked to you, I found out that you and I have a lot in common. Then we started to hang out more often, and we formed this bond; a friendship. But I-,” she coughed, and felt blood trickle out the corner of her mouth. “I wanted more than a friendship. I was always too chicken to ask you out on a date in fear of rejection. I figured you wouldn’t someone as fucked up as me.”
Erasing all your memories / Darling, they won't go so easily / You know I wasn't just a space in your head / I am the flesh and bone and I bleed like the rest
She stared at the tall, muscled boy from across the way in admiration. He and Tony were working on putting something together, and to her, it was completely fascinating. She was so entranced watching them that she didn’t hear someone walk up behind her. 
“Whatcha watching?” 
Jumping, “Did you have to scare me half to death?”
“No, but your reaction was pretty funny,” Natasha looked over y/n’s shoulder and saw what she was watching. “Ah! I see what you were looking at.”
“I was only watching Nat,”
“I don’t think you were actually watching them put together a suit, rather you just stare at spider boy with those heart eyes,”
“Heart eyes? I don’t know what you’re talking about,”
Natasha stared at her knowingly. She knew y/n had feelings for him, and she was going to get her to admit it. “Really? You know exactly what I’m talking about,”
“I don’t like him!” y/n huffed.
“Yes, yes, you do,” Natasha egged her on. 
“NO, I DON’T,”
“Okay, so you don’t like him,”
“But I do like him!” Y/n shouted. When Natasha smirked, she knew Nat did this on purpose. “I hate you so much!”
“You love me,” Natasha gave y/n a hug from the side. “You two would be really cute together.”
She frowned, “My father made me believe that I’d never amount to anything good in life. He told me that I’d lucky enough to find someone willing to love me even though I was messed up. And when you get told things over and over again, you tend to believe it,” she sniffled, wiping away a tear that rolled down her face. Looking at Natasha, she continued. “I thought when Hydra approached me and took me in, I’d finally be able to get away from him and all the abuse he was putting me through. And I did, but I traded mental and emotional abuse for physical abuse. I was tortured when I was with hydra, and it got so bad to the point where I seriously thought about taking my own life.”
“Y/n-” 
“I thank god everyday you guys came when you did. Because if you hadn’t, I would’ve committed suicide that day,” she paused, trying to get her breathing under control. “So tell me why Peter needs someone that’s so damaged like me? He deserves so much better than what I can give him.”
She slowly backed away from Natasha and made her way down the hall to her room. Right now all she wanted was to be alone. Once in her room, she rushed over to the bathroom and stripped off her clothes. She stood in the front of the mirror and ran her fingers over the white lines that covered her body. Her skin was once as smooth and soft as silk, but Hydra changed that. Her father and Hydra ruined her for life.
Well what is this that I can see? / With ice cold hands taking hold of me. / When God is gone and the Devil takes hold. / Who'll have mercy on my soul? / O Death, O Death, consider my age. / Please don't take me at this stage...
O, I am death, and none can tell. / If I open the door to heaven or hell. / No wealth, no land, no silver no gold. / Nothing satisfies me but your soul. / I'm Death, I come to take the soul. / Leave the body and leave it cold. / O, Death. O, Death. / Won't you spare me over 'til another year?...
“You’re one of the strongest people I know, y/n. And your past wouldn’t of made a difference. I love you... always have, always will,” Peter smiled, brushing some of her hair behind her ear. 
“In that case, would you like to go out sometime?”
“I’d love nothing more,” 
They both smiled, but as heartfelt and joyous as the occasion was, she was inching closer to dying; she could feel it. 
“Promise me something, Peter,” she gulped, “Promise me that you’ll take care of yourself. Promise me that you’ll still mourn my death, but move on and live a happy life,”
“Of course,” Peter held out his pinky and connected it with hers. 
A tear rolled out the corner of her eye, “I’ll say hello to Uncle Ben for you,” she whispered as her eyes closed.
So when you come knocking at the door / Begging me for just a little more / You know you cannot say / That I didn’t warn you / Oh, ice can burn as much as flames do...
Your heart froze colder than ice / In time you will realize the sound / Of silence is all that you hear / When your tears are falling like snow / Falling like snow / Your tears are falling like snow...
Peter stood at the podium ready to give his speech. Clearing his throat, “Hello! My name is Peter Parker. And we’ve gathered today to celebrate the life of [y/n] [y/l/n],” Peter said, looking round the room. Y/n’s funeral was small. There had to be roughly around twenty-five to thirty people in attendance. She always mentioned not wanting a big funeral. “Kind, hardworking, trustworthy, loyal, non-judgmental, determined and courageous are just some of the several good qualities that come to mind when I think of y/n. And she taught me something very valuable. That being, ‘Live the life you want because you just don’t when you’ll leave this earth,’. Y/n a rough exterior, but had the warmest, gentlest soul. She’ll be missed dearly.”
After his speech, he gave y/n’s Aunt April a hug and took his seat next to Aunt May. He watched as her Aunt April gave a rather heart wrenching speech. Peter sniffled, attempting not to cry. It failed when she mentioned that y/n would always call her telling her about him. How she thought he was super nerdy, but really sweet and cute. She ended her speech with, “Her and her mother are finally together again,”
After her speech was over, Peter, along with Bucky, Steve, Sam and her two uncles Thomas and Daniel carried the beautiful oak casket out to the hearse. Arriving at the cemetery, a cold breeze blew making Peter bring his coat closer to his body. 
Once everyone took a seat, the preacher started to say, “John 5: 28-29: Do not be amazed at this, for time is coming when all who are in their graves will hear his voice. 29.) And come out - those who have done what is good will rise to live, and those who have done what is evil will rise to be condemned.”
Tony and Pepper first walked up and softly placed down yellow daffodils. Next, Bruce and Natasha put down white lilacs. After them, Wanda set down some pink carnations, and Vision, yellow sunflowers. By the time the attendees placed down all the flowers, y/n’s casket was a colorful arrangement of different flowers.
Walking up, “Until we meet again, my love,” Peter placed a red rose on the top of her casket. As her casket was lowered into the ground, he had a tear roll down his face. “Until we meet again.”
I know this isn’t exactly how a funeral works, but please humor me. I did do research. I tried my best! And each flower I mentioned has some sort of meaning.
I’m 75 away from hitting 1k! Can ya’ll like help a girl out? please and thank you.
Also, can I have some feedback?
Tagging(permanent): 
@buckys-sweetheart @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @maliasbubble @sergeantjbuckybarnes @patzammit @yagirlmexic @awkwardfangirl2014 @beckieandhertardis @tinycyberhacker @streetghostfighter07
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Tony Stark x Reader ~ Mysterious Guest
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[My Marvel Masterlist]
A/N: I’m baaaack!! Before anybody mentions this, yes, I know that I haven’t finished the mini series with Cap. I ended up writing most of this story on the plane ride to and from Hong Kong, so I decided to finish up this plot and post it first. Once I get some inspiration for the ‘The Instructor’ story, I promise to quickly write the next part. Anyway, please let me know what you guys think of this fic! (There will not be a second part.) Word Count: 2697
The harsh, blinding bombardment of blinking lights and the incessant clattering of camera shutters has grown to be a normalcy in the world of fame and wealth. Reporters scramble across any physical and metaphorical obstacle, wringing any resources within their reach in order to steal a glimpse— even a single phrase uttered in passing is treasured— of the life bustling behind the thin, velvet rope that separates the common people from the elites; after all, their paycheck is relying on them.
Now, as the music blares from deep within the tower, crowds of paparazzi swarm around the entrance of Tony Stark’s tower as a seemingly endless train of limousines and high-end vehicles pull up to the red carpet rolled out before the opened doors of the building. Each photographer and journalist is armed with their recording materials, waiting for the perfect chance to shove a microphone or camera into the faces of the irked tycoons.
“Why are you here today,” a reporter inquires with a small recorder aimed directly at a billionaire, who peers down at the stout woman from his position closest to the velvet barrier. His date, a model no doubt upon first glance at her face heavily caked with makeup and the eccentric, revealing outfit wrapping around her excessively-slim figure, has her arm draped over him; she stares vexingly at the reporter while taking an occasional glimpse at her painted nails, a scowl on her face accurately portraying her desire to join the party inside.
“Well, you see,” the man explains plainly, “Mr. Stark is hosting a party to celebrate his new business partnerships.”
Normally, the tycoons would ignore the pestering crowds and make their escape into the shielding comforts of their destination, but tonight is different. Thanks to the deals Tony Stark has made with several businesses around the globe, party-goers are taking the opportunity to flaunt their new source of income— adding to their already startling wealth— and advertise to potential clients viewing the news.
“I don’t know what he’s working on exactly, but it’s definitely a big project,” boasts an older gentleman in brown sunglasses. A journalist nods excitedly at the statement, urging the man to elaborate as she jots down his words. He runs a hand over his greying, slicked-back hair, sighing as he shakes his head. “My guess is: he’s preparing for something. What is that something? I don’t know. Your guess is as good as mine. All I will say, is that Tony Stark knows something.”
It takes some time for newcomers to acclimate themselves with such a life under the microscope. Those born into the lifestyle learn quickly to take it in stride, searching for every appropriate opportunity to promote their image.
A young entrepreneur exits a sports car with his wife, not bothering to spare a glance at his expensive vehicle while a valet snatches up the keys without a moment's notice. He has plenty of cars in his garage; a young, reckless attendant damaging just one of his cars has no effect on his wallet or massive collection. The couple waves to the crowds with warm smiles, greeting a select group of reporters. As the woman turns to leave the sidewalk and step onto the red carpet, a limousine pulls up to the curb, stopping with a harsh, jerking motion. The bumper of the sedan nearly collides into the couple.
Darting out from the driver’s side while clutching his hat, a chauffeur scrambles around the length of the car, hand wrenching the handle to open the door. A young woman steps out slowly, as if for dramatic effect, stretching out a single leg from the vehicle before fully standing up. Her scarlet gown, peppered with flakes of gold embroidery, draws attention; the bold colors contrast tastefully with her complexion.
“Hey,” the entrepreneur shouts angrily at the newcomer, fists curled in and waving in the air, “I demand that you apologize at once! Your driver could’ve killed my wife! She was inches away from being hit!”
The woman in the red dress does not reply. Her eyes shift over to the distressed wife for a brief second before hardening into a glare. A cold aura leaves the couple with shivers running down their spine when she struts past them, but the man refuses to back down.
“Hey! I was talking to you!”
“You best keep your mouth shut,” she advises in a monotone voice, her back still turned to the man. “Pests are not something I wish to deal with, and trust me, you do not want to cross paths with me ever. Especially not tonight.”
Without another word, she continues down the carpeted path, long legs allowing for her to reach the doors immediately, disappearing through the entrance as quickly as she arrived. The entrepreneur remains outside with his feet rooted to the ground, shock overcoming his mind. Never in his life would the man have believed that a strange woman would threaten him.
Thanks to the thundering intensity of the bass, party guests can feel the music shaking the floor as they mingle amongst each other; large crowds form at the center of the room, dancing energetically to the beat of the song. Bright spotlights roam in circular motions, their colors changing every few seconds.
In a corner by several large couches, the older gentleman with the brown sunglasses narrates an intricate story to the group of people who have congregated to listen to his tale. A chorus of gasps and laughter resonates throughout the room briefly before quickly being drowned out by the cacophonous music.
The sound of cheering draws attention to the vast staircase, and there, slowly sauntering down the steps, is Tony Stark. A pair of blue-tinted sunglasses rest at the bridge of his nose, allowing for the wealthy genius to peer above the lenses. His chocolate-brown eyes scan over the crowds, finally settling on a lone figure settled at the bar; he decides to introduce himself to her.
From behind the large counter, a dark-skinned man works as the bartender, serving drinks to the awaiting guests. Sitting at the far end of the bar, the woman in the red dress leans forward with her gaze fixated on the drink nestled in her hands. She plays with the thin straw resting at the edge of the glass, flicking the plastic with her fingers while being completely aware that Tony is approaching her.
“Good evening,” he greets. “I couldn’t help but notice that you look a bit sad and lonely. Those two things are not allowed here at my party, so I have come to remedy it.”
Without replying to Tony’s statement, the woman sends him a shy smile, tilting her head down as she looks up at the genius. She gestures for him to take a seat on the stool next to her, but is interrupted by the entrepreneur she encountered outside the tower. The man begins to shout, his face red with anger as he throws out insult after insult. Tony stands to the side in confusion as he watches the man disrespect another guest.
“Um, excuse me,” Tony retorts, “I don’t appreciate you talking to my guests that way. If you’re going to be rude, I’ll have no choice but to see to it that you leave.”
“My apologies, Mr. Stark, but this matter has nothing to do with you. This woman nearly killed my wife and had the audacity to threaten me for demanding an apology!”
“Like I said before: If you’re going to be rude, I’ll have no choice but to see to it that you leave. Since I feel like being nice, I’ll give you five minutes to leave before I have security escort you from the premises.”
Unfortunately, the young man does not take Tony’s ultimatum seriously and continues his brash verbal assault, resulting in a grumpy Happy Hogan stepping in; the head of security receives a quick “thank you” in passing as he ushers the entrepreneur off the property.
“Now, where were we? Oh, yes! I was about to ask you for your name.”
“I go by many names,” she remarks, her mind reflecting on the numerous aliases she owns, “but you can call me (Y/n).”
“A beautiful name for a beautiful woman. Though, I must say: you are much prettier than your name implies.”
“Always a charmer, Mr. Stark.”
“Please, call me Tony,” the genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist insists. “All these business moguls are too professional. Right now, I’m here to relax and celebrate. No need for formalities, unless if you have some sort of weird reputation to uphold, in which case you can call me Mr. Stark.”
“Well, Tony,” (Y/n) says with a smile, “allow me to buy you a drink as a small thank you for dealing with the trouble I dragged you into.”
“Trouble? That little issue was no trouble at all. I deal with that sort of thing all the time, but since you offered, I’d be a fool to decline a drink from a lovely lady such as yourself.”
As (Y/n) calls over the bartender to order a drink, Tony’s cell phone rings. The caller ID shows Happy’s picture and number on the screen, so he excuses himself to take the call. (Y/n) nods to show her understanding, asking for his preferred drink before he walks off to a quiet area to converse with his head of security. She allows her mind to wander during the time the bartender mixes the drink. Memories, both good and bad ones, resurface from the dark depths she repressed them into. Despite wanting to remember them, (Y/n) chose to discard the memories long ago; the good ones are mixed with the terrible events from the past.
“Here you go, ma’am,” the bartender announces, interrupting her thoughts.
Seeing that Tony has yet to return from his conversation with Happy, (Y/n) grabs the newly-made drink and toys with the glass, tracing her index finger on the rim of the glass. She continues to fervently run the digit over the cup’s lip as she waits for the genius.
“Sorry ‘bout that,” apologizes the man in question, who smoothly slides into the neighboring seat while removing his glasses. “Though I am happy to report that you will no longer have to deal with that man in my tower.”
“Thank you,” (Y/n) replies as she passes the glass she had previously been stroking her finger over. “Here’s your drink.”
Flashing his signature smile, Tony accepts the drink, throwing his head back as the beverage rushes into his mouth. He sets the glass down with a sigh of satisfaction, smiling when he notices the grin on (Y/n)’s face. Nearly an hour flies by as the two engage in conversation over the man’s success as Iron Man and the effect of his presence on the world.Throughout the entire discussion, (Y/n) allows for Tony to do most of the talking, agreeing every once in awhile and nodding in response to his statements.
“Well, I’m afraid I have to leave, Mr. Stark,” (Y/n) interrupts Tony’s rant about the government’s views on his suit, a small smile tugging at her lips. “There is a matter I need to attend to at home.”
A pout forms on the genius’ lips. He tries to bargain with her, begging for (Y/n) to stay just a little while longer. No matter what he says, she insists that she must return home.
“Aww, c’mon,” he whines. His hand reaches out to grasp her wrist, but the man suddenly finds his vision growing fuzzy; objects and people within his field of vision seem to blur together like an unfocused photograph taken with a foggy camera lens.
No longer seated in his chair, Tony looks up while hunched over, searching for (Y/n). He spots the woman just in time to watch her walk away from him towards the exit. Tony tries to call out to the woman, but his tongue feels as if it weighs more than a hundred pounds, and the muscles in his mouth refuse to cooperate with him. Helplessly, Tony fumbles around for his phone to contact Happy, but his hands are shaking far too severely for the digits to type in the required passcode that unlocks the device— the music is too loud for JARVIS to hear his creator’s voice. A string of curses leaves the man’s mouth once black spots begin to swarm around his his eyesight. Every attempt he makes to attract someone’s attention is met with frustration when the person laughs at what they believe to be their host stumbling around in a drunken stupor. Several years ago, Tony would have accepted their response, since he was constantly drowning himself in alcohol, but now, he has learned to control the temptations.
“Plehshe,” he manages to slur out. “Shembahdy, helpf me…”
With the party reaching its peak, none of the other party guests notice the billionaire’s struggling, leaving him to feel a painful tightness growing in his throat as he watches the woman clad in red slowly disappearing.
“Tony?” Rounding the corner of the bar with his eyebrows raised in confusion, Happy heaves his boss up onto a barstool and proceeds to wave a hand in front of his face when he realizes the man is acting peculiarly. “What’s wrong?”
A string of incoherent mutters and groans tumble out of Tony’s lips. He sluggishly points to the limousine pulling away from the tower, shouting with his mouth closed. Happy tries his best to understand what the man is implying, his head shaking back and forth from the limo to Tony.
“What? The woman who just left?”
Tony nods his head slowly. He attempts to open his mouth, only to be met with a wave a nausea and dizziness. His head lolls onto Happy’s shoulder without warning, startling the head of security, who desperately slaps Tony’s cheek once he notices that the wealthy man’s eyes have rolled back. When he is unable to pull his boss out of an unconscious state, Happy dials for emergency services while checking for a pulse. There is a faint pulse, so there is a sliver of hope.
“Who is she,” Happy wonders, finding his gaze fixed at the entrance of Stark Tower. His carefree boss was not keen on preparing a guest list, so there is no way to filter out guests who have arrived from those who were unable to attend the event. All that is known for sure is that the party is only open to guests who can afford it, including those who are affiliated with Tony Stark’s newest business venture.
Paramedics rush into the building, startling Happy out of his thoughts. He quickly reports the few details he is knowledgeable of to the medical technicians before rushing off into the crowds. Despite wanting to accompany Tony to ensure his safety and recovery, Happy has a job to do right now, which is to clear out the building and confirm that any security threats are no longer present.
“Okay, everybody,” the man shouts upon shutting down the speakers. “Party’s over. I need all of you to please line up by the entrance in a single file and patiently wait as the security team checks you before leaving. Thank you.”
Tony is rushed to the hospital with Pepper informed of the unfortunate incident, leaving Happy to investigate. He returns to the spot where he found Tony and searches for any possible clues or evidence to explain the recent turn of events. Unfortunately, there is not much for Happy to examine. All that is left is an empty glass, which the man immediately picks up with a handkerchief that has been stowed away in his jacket. Carefully, to avoid touching the glass, Happy takes a large whiff, inhaling the stench of distilled liquor, but there is a faint scent lingering with the alcohol. A scent that Happy does not recognize, and a gut feeling tells him that the mysterious smell will provide some answers.
“Hey! I need someone to bag this and take it to get tested. I think somebody poisoned Tony Stark.”
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kai-keda · 5 years
Text
Luminous
Hetalia Fantasy AU One-Shot; GiriPan
“After some time on their new ship with Antonio as their captain, Heracles ponders what his relationship with Kiku is and what he needs to do to make it not so ambiguous.”
This is kind of sort of a sequel to "Nocturnal" but it stands alone as well. Things to know: They're in a steampunky flying pirate ship. This is a fantasy world so there are fantasy races including Catrek. Catrek are cat-people which have two sub-races of either being a mage or a samurai. Mage's can bond with samurai.
This is a one-shot to go with the 'Luminous' prompt form the 'Creators of Hetalia' Discord.
They’d been on the flying ship for quite some time. The days sort of blurred together, which was normal but somehow it felt different now. Somehow he felt like he was supposed to lose track of time, unlike his time in the military where doing such could get him in trouble. Heracles was getting bored. Now, the only thing he knew was that the sun was set and the stars were out. He yawned and prepared to take a nap against the edge of the ship, but he saw the first mate walking towards him so instead of actually doing it, he just made it look like he was sleeping.
This was the best way he could get Kiku’s attention these days. Kiku was always so busy, arguably busier than when he was a Sergeant. Heracles’ light-brown cat ear twitched when he heard footsteps nearing him. So it was working.
“Heracles, what are you doing?” Got him.
The older catrek yawned again, making a show of it and responded to the youngers question without opening his eyes. “Taking a nap.”
He heard a sigh. “When are you not taking a nap?”
Heracles hummed and feigned interest in the question. Instead of answering, he patted the spot next to him in silence.
He could hear Kiku start to step away. Crap. It didn’t work like he wanted it to. So Heracles supposed it was best to open his eyes and sit up straighter. “You’re not going to sit with me?” He was genuinely surprised. Kiku always sat with him in moments like these.
Kiku shook his head, now turned away from Heracles. “No. I have work to do.”
Heracles frowned. “You always have work to do but you always manage to find time to sit with me.”
“Ah - um - that is… That’s not really true, is it?” He was flustered. Heracles would’ve thought about how cute that was if he wasn’t concerned with why things weren’t going as normal.
“Something wrong?”
The first mate sighed and turned to face Heracles now, eyes surprisingly hard. It made Heracles wince and when he did Kiku seemed to relax. Okay, so Kiku was still stuck in old habits from the military. That’s all that look was for, right?
“You’re what’s wrong, Heracles.” Oh. Okay, that hurt somehow. He was confused, yes, but a larger part of him was upset by such a claim. What was wrong? Was all his time loafing around and not working as hard as the rest of the crew finally catching up to him? After a long time of just staring into Kiku’s eyes searching for answers, the younger catrek turned his head away with a blush. Again, that was something Heracles would have found cute if he wasn’t more concerned with more pressing matters at the moment. Without verbally asking for an answer to his question, Kiku continued. “I don’t know what our relationship is, but the rest of the crew is taking note of the ambiguity. Even the captain has questioned me.”
The captain? Heracles had to think hard on that. Toni was usually the last person to notice things that weren’t purposefully brought to his attention. If he was talking about it to Kiku, then it must have been obvious. No good. It’s not that Heracles had a problem with anyone knowing how he felt about Kiku, and it’s not that he didn’t want Kiku to know, either. It was that if everyone on the ship knew, then Kiku was less likely to approve of the relationship.
Which brings them back to where they stand right now. Heracles broke the silence first. “Sit with me.” It was all he could think to say. The truth was, they needed to talk about this. To set everything in stone of what their relationship really was. He doubted that the captain, or anyone else for that matter but most especially the captain, was against the idea but it was definitely something Kiku wasn’t quite comfortable with. At least not yet.
Kiku refused to sit. Instead looking around to see who all was noticing their conversing. Yeah, this was a bad spot to be in. Heracles had to think his actions over carefully. This could make or break whatever possible relationship they had. Heracles spoke again. “It’s okay. I know you’re scared.”
“I’m not scared.” That was a quick answer. Heracles raised an eyebrow at the first mate and said first mate just went back to looking away. “I’m just not used to such advances and I’m not sure what to do with them.”
Heracles sighed. “You are scared. I can see it written on your face.” Regardless of popular belief, Heracles wasn’t as dense as the captain. Sure, the only one he could read was Kiku but that was still more than Toni could claim to be able to do. “You’re scared of losing the crew’s respect because of how you go easy on me while giving strict orders to everyone else.”
Kiku tensed, his tail fluffing up just a tad bit. Looks like Heracles hit the nail right on the head. Before he could say anything else, Captain Antonio arrived on the scene.
He stood in front of them with his hands on his hips and his usual grin on his face. “I don’t think there’s anything to be afraid of.” His own bright red tail waved behind him. He was in a good mood.
Kiku blushed again. This time it covered his whole face and he turned to the captain with wide eyes. “C-Captain!” He stood up straighter, almost as if standing at attention. Scratch that. It was exactly like standing at attention. Once more, Heracles noticed that old habits die hard.
Toni shook his head. “You won’t bond with me but you also won’t sit with Heracles?”
Both of them were confused at that comment. What did Kiku not wanting to bond with the captain have to do with their relationship?
Toni just grinned more. “I know you just don’t want to do the ceremony with me ‘cause you have another samurai on your mind.” His grin dropped then. Not to a frown, just to a more neutral, more confused expression. “So why don’t you sit with that samurai?”
Kiku hissed between his teeth. “Captain, can we speak of this in private?”
Toni smiled again and spoke with a song in his voice. “Nope~ It’s about time you faced your feelings head on. I already told you how I feel about vague relationships.”
Ah. So that’s what all that talk of ambiguity was about. Antonio must have commented about it to Kiku and he took it the wrong way. He must have thought Antonio didn’t want him in a relationship of any kind.
“Captain…” Kiku said, blush still clear on his face. It really was adorable, Heracles thought to himself.
“This is an order from captain to first mate. Sit down and talk with Heracles about your feelings and while you’re at it, take a nap. Preferably with him.” Heracles would have to remember to thank his captain someday. It wasn’t the proper way to handle the situation but it was probably the only way to get Kiku to face things head on. He was a catrek that followed orders. He would be a great bonded samurai for any mage, Heracles thought, which was what made him sort of jealous of the captain.
Speaking of the captain, he was already gone, walking on somewhere else to handle some other part of the ship. Heracles looked up at the former military leader and simply stated the obvious. “That was an order.”
Kiku let out a small noise that sounded like a groan before finally sitting down next to him. He was still blushing and he didn’t look directly at Heracles. “I know it was an order.” was all he said. And so, that sat in silence for a few moments.
Finally, Kiku broke said silence. “I was taught to not rush into relationships by my mother.”
“I was taught to not let them pass you by.”
Kiku looked up at the sky, not commenting on that answer. He pointed up. “Is it that one?”
Heracles followed his finger and then shook his head. “No. You can’t see her star right now.” Again, Heracles wasn’t as dense as usual when it came to Kiku. He knew what he was talking about. While on the military base together, they shared a moment on a roof where Heracles mentioned to Kiku about his mother. It wasn’t much because Kiku didn’t ask for more. He had other priorities at the time.
Kiku hummed and put his arm down. “What was she like?”
Heracles sighed. Talking about himself was boring. He’d much rather talk about Kiku. Still, this was the first time Kiku showed interest in his past so Heracles figured he deserved some answers. “She died just before I was drafted. On her death bed she told me ‘don’t waste any time.’ She had managed to find love and hold on to it tight so she just wanted the same for all my siblings and I.”
Kiku looked down. “Don’t waste time…” he quoted before sighing. “My mother rushed into a relationship. She was left alone with me. Luckily, I was an only child so she managed alright.” Heracles was stuck in wide-eyed amazement. The last thing he expected was for Kiku to open up to him like this. Still, he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth so he forced himself to relax and respond.
“Is that why you’re hesitant to have one with me?”
Kiku blushed but instead of answering, he made an obvious statement. “And your mother is why you’re so insistent on starting one with me.”
Heracles nodded.
Kiku sighed and stood up. “I won’t avoid you, but I won’t be in a relationship with you. Not yet at least.” he still blushed. “And I… I won’t stop you from trying. Show me why I should be with you. I’ll be watching.” and with that, he walked off to his cabin to take a nap. Sure, the captain said it was preferable that he take one with Heracles, but it was probably too soon for that.
This was a good step in the right direction, though. It would take more time to break down Kiku’s walls but at least now their relationship wasn’t so ambiguous. Suddenly, the two catrek were in a voluntary game of cat and mouse.
Heracles shut his eyes and went back to that nap he was planning earlier.
Kiku still didn’t give him anything to do.
~!~
I hope I did the prompt justice. It's all symbolic and stuff. Get it? Shedding light on their relationship? Ahah. Yeah.
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elcorhamletlive · 5 years
Link
fandom: Marvel Ultimates ship: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark tags: Established Relationship/Fluff/Marriage Proposals
There’s a dramatic, loud, romantic song in Tony’s ears when he wakes up. He blinks his eyes open, a little confused. His face is smushed against a firm, warm surface that he immediately identifies as Steve’s chest. He considers closing his eyes and going back to sleep, but Steve is reaching for the remote a little frantically, so he can’t really settle back on his embrace properly.
“Everything okay, darling?”
“Yeah.” Steve uses the remote to lower the volume, and that’s when Tony finally identifies the source of the sound, coming from the huge plasma TV in the middle of the living room. “Go back to sleep,” Steve grunts, blue eyes turning towards him. It’s no more affectionate than the orders he yells out in the field, but Tony can see the worry in his gaze, feels the way his hand roughly ruffles his hair. Steve’s touches are always a contradiction, a strange mix of firmness and hesitation. Tony never gets tired of them.
Tony glances at the watch on the wall. It’s not very late yet, which explains why they’re on the couch and not in bed. Steve’s arm is around him, holding him closely, and Tony buries his face on his chest again, inhaling that pleasant musky scent of his that’s so addictive. It’s a true travesty that Steve doesn’t usually do hugs, because he just feels so wonderful. Tony melts into the touch, more than a bit pleased by the fact that he’s the only one who gets to have it.
“Is it the season finale?” Tony asks, twisting his neck a bit to get a glimpse at the television without giving up that precious spot over Steve’s chest. On the TV he recognizes the reruns of the latest season of General Hospital that he recorded for Steve to catch up on, when he inevitably kept missing episodes because of work. He watches as a couple hugs and twirls happily on the screen, under that same music. “Did they finally get together?”
“They’ve been together for three seasons,” Steve states, giving Tony a grumpy look.
“Hmm.” Tony mumbles against the fabric of Steve’s shirt. “Of course, now that you mentioned it—“
“Knock it off,” Steve says, but his mouth curls a little, as if he’s suppressing a smile, and Tony nuzzles his face against the curve of his neck. “You hate the show.”
“I’ll admit I might be a little oblivious to its appeals, darling, but I’m sure there are many,” Tony says, even though that’s a blatant lie, because General Hospital only has one appeal to him, and it’s in the shape of the big supersoldier he’s cuddled with right now. “If they’re already together, what’s the song all about?”
“They just got engaged,” Steve explains. His hand ruffles Tony’s hair again, more absent-mindedly, and Tony can’t fight back a sigh, eyes fluttering closed for a moment as he enjoys the touch.
“It still seems like a dramatic soundtrack choice,” he says, because he can’t help poking Steve a bit about the questionable quality of his soap operas.
He’s entirely unprepared by the way Steve’s face closes at the comment.
“Some people want to get married,” Steve grunts, and the sharpness of his tone, more than anything, makes Tony blinks his eyes wide awake.
“What?” he asks, a little flabbergasted by the reaction. Steve rarely closes off at light teasing like this, anymore. Usually he grunts, complains, and lets Tony kiss the grumpiness off his face. Steve’s posture is suddenly rigid, and he avoids Tony’s eyes, staring at the TV screen firmly.
“Just because it’s not your thing, doesn’t mean other people don’t care about it.”
“Not my thing?” Tony lifts his head, propping himself up on his arms to stare at Steve’s face more directly. Steve’s words rarely say much, but his face can spell out a book of different emotions and thoughts, and Tony got pretty good at reading it, the past few years. Or he thought he did. “I’m not sure I understand what you mean, darling.”
Steve shrugs in the least convincing performance of nonchalance humanity has ever seen. “Back in the day, that was how we did things. If you got a girl, and you wanted to do right by her, you married her.”
Like Steve planned to do, Tony knows. He searches Steve’s face carefully, looking for cues. Steve visits Bucky and Gail regularly now, but Tony imagines it must still hurt, the promise of a life he lost.
“Nowadays, it’s… different,” Steve says, making a gesture to encompass the room around them. Tony takes the change to nestle closer, to lay his hand on Steve face, caressing his cheek.
“Definitely,” he agrees, voice light, stroking Steve’s chin with his thumb. “Now, we can all happily live in sin.”
Steve scowls at the TV as if it offends him deeply. “That’s not what I mean,” he says, and his hands are off Tony now, falling to his sides. Tony can’t see it, but he’d bet anything he’s clenching his fists. “Back then, people did… this, too,” he continues, and Tony makes the wise decision to not tease Steve into saying the expression living in sin, at least not now. “’s just… Now, anyone can do it. Get married. It’s, it’s easier, I suppose.”
Tony tries to gather some sense form Steve’s words, but he’s as lost as he can be. “Anyone?”
“Yeah.” Steve finally turns his eyes towards him, and his blue gaze is too tense for the conversation they’re having, Tony thinks. “It’s law now, isn’t it? Anyone can do it. Even…” He gestures between the two of them.
Tony raises his eyebrows. “Even…?”
“You know. Two fellas.” Steve repeats the gesture, and there’s a flush on his cheeks now, as if he’s doing something other than stating societal changes. Tony’s breath hitches. “Like…”
“Like you and me?” Tony says, voice weaker than he means to, because his heart feels at his throat, now. Surely, he’s not getting this right. There’s no way…
“Yeah.” Steve breathes. He swallows. “Yeah,” he repeats, looking at him with a mix of tension and resignation. “Like you and me.”
There’s a loud noise of someone apparently dying on the TV, but Tony barely registers it. He feels unable to even blink while staring at Steve’s face.
“Steve,” he manages to whisper. “Would you…”
The flush on Steve’s face deepens, and he looks away. “You don’t want it,” he says bluntly. “I get it. After—“
“I—What?” Tony stutters. He feels dizzy, and a part of him wonders if maybe he still hasn’t woken up yet. “Steve,” he calls, hand going to Steve’s jaw, gently making him turn towards him. “Steve, are you saying…”
“Damn it, Stark, will you drop it?” Steve says firmly, finally turning towards Tony. But Tony can’t drop it, not now, not with the way those eyes are looking at him.
“Would you… Would you want that?” Tony doesn’t recognize his own voice, too soft and weak. “To—To get married?”
Steve presses his lips together. His eyes dart away from Tony’s, glancing at the TV. “’s the way it used to be. When you were, you know. Going steady with someone.”
“You never mentioned it,” Tony’s hand is clutching his chest now, and it feels like his heart is going to burst out of it. “You never—“
“I’m not complaining.” Steve’s voice is firmer now, his gaze turning back to Tony’s. “You asked me to move in and I did.”
As if Tony needs to be reminded of that. He remembers it perfectly, how Steve went still at the suggestion, then nodded and said Okay with a flush on his cheeks. Just that word had made Tony’s entire month. Getting to have Steve by his side every day, waking up next to him, curling up on the couch with him while he watched his soap operas – that already felt so precious and impossible.
Marriage, though. A promise for a lifetime. Steve never broke his promises. To think he’d want—He’d look into Tony’s eyes and want—
“Darling,” Tony starts. He should probably gather himself together, regain some composure, but he can’t bring himself to do it. “Do you want to get married?”
A part of him expects Steve to look away, to go rigid under him, to regret and retreat in response to the obvious neediness of Tony’s words. But instead he turns to Tony, eyes bright and nervous and stunningly beautiful, and sustains his gaze as he speaks.
“Yeah,” he mutters, and Tony can feel that he shakes a little although he doesn’t look away. So brave, he thinks, more than a little dazed, completely lost in those eyes. Steve’s so goddamn brave. “But you don’t—“
“Steve,” Tony breathes, and for a crazy moment he just wants to say his name, again and again. “I didn’t—Sweetheart, I had no idea. You—You want us to get married? Are you sure?”
Steve peers at him, that unyielding gaze that he gets when nothing in the world could change his mind about something. “I told you,” he says, and Tony’s blinking too fast now, feeling his eyes burning. “I’m serious about this. I don’t take these things lightly.”
“I know,” Tony says. He’s over, completely undone, heart swelling heavily on his chest, head spinning and tears prickling at the corner of his eyes when he leans over to press a kiss onto Steve’s mouth. “You don’t take anything lightly, you wonderful, stubborn man,” he whispers against Steve’s lips, those soft lips that are his to capture again and again. Steve’s arms are around his waist again, and Tony rests his forehead against his. “Oh, darling, marry me?” He punctuates his words with kisses all over Steve’s flushed face, stopping only to watch those amazed, wide eyes. “I would’ve asked ages ago if I thought there was even a chance you’d say yes.”
“You—You would—“ Steve stutters, and Tony is overwhelmed by the spark of hope on his eyes. “Yeah?” he asks, as if he can’t even bring himself to say it, and Tony understands it completely.
“I can get a minister here in an hour if you want to. Half an hour, maybe.” Tony says, voice light although he’s not even in the vicinity of kidding, and Steve huffs out a laugh, leaning forward for a kiss.
“It’s a bit late,” Steve mutters against his mouth. His hands stroke Tony’s back, coming up to his shoulder blades. “We don’t even have rings yet.”
“I’ll take you shopping first thing in the morning,” Tony declares, hands cupping Steve’s face, pressing sloppy kisses over his cheeks. “And then I’m sending flowers to the writers of General Hospital.”
Steve frowns at him, arms tightening at his waist, but Tony can see the way his eyes sparkle, so bright and happy like he’s never seen them before. “You’re not sending them anything,” he says, but there’s a smile threatening to come up at every movement of his lips.
He’s so beautiful. He’s gonna be Tony’s. Tony’s husband.
“Darling,” Tony whispers. “I’m sending them an entire flower shop.”
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wavemaker9 · 5 years
Text
Sometimes you remember a term from a physics class and realize it’s a very good symbol for a couple of boys with differing ideas on what friendship is. Takes place after gil finds out toni has trust issues and has the guy brought out to his home so they can beat each other up over it because yknow. Healthy communication methods these boys have.
Title: Beat Frequency Characters: (GTA AU) Antonio, Gilbert, Matt (Mentioned)
There are more comfortable things to be sitting on when your whole body aches as his does, but there’s something about the soreness of bruises and scrapes on the uneven ground that feels very fitting to suffer through in this moment. Not that he would get up right now even if he felt it wasn’t. After all, it’s not the ground below him or the stars above that make him feel most at ease in this moment, but the occasional brush of arm against arm with the man to his side.
“I forgot how bright the stars can be,” Antonio says abruptly. His voice is still quiet, a whisper in the open air, but it pierces the hush like an arrow and almost startles himself with the disturbance of the silence. “I remember it being like this a lot back home.” Because over a decade in Los Santos, and Antonio still struggles to use the title to reference anything but that southern Spanish town. “We lived on the outskirts of town and every night was like this.”
Gilbert says nothing and Antonio turns to look at him. His breathing is steady enough for sleeping, but his eyes are open, awake, staring up at the sky as well. Antonio would have rather found him asleep, given what Gilbert being quiet can only ever mean. It’s understandable, he knows it, and it’s an improvement to the yelling and brawling from earlier. But he knows their fight has done little more than a bandage might do for a severed finger, which is what the Spaniard feels this is. He’s broken a level of trust with Gilbert that he didn’t even fully realize he had to begin with, and his struggles to repair it have largely been for naught; a disappointing but understandable fact that easily justifies the silence, even if it doesn’t make it any easier to hear.
Usually with Gilbert or Francis, Antonio can feel more comfortable in the silence. Long ago there stopped being an expectation with them, that need to keep a conversation going. Given everything, though, Toni feels anxious in those beats of quiet following his words. He wishes he hadn’t spoken up at all; just let the silence carry them further into the night. Unable to change anything about that, though, he tries again, offering, “You never get these views back in the city.” He doesn’t mean for his words to tint towards bitter when he speaks, but he can’t help it whenever he speaks negatively of Los Santos. It’s a poisonous town, and invites poison in every statement made about it.
“But you like it out there more,” Gilbert finally says. He twists slightly. Not completely, but his body tilts on the grass, rocking halfway onto an aching arm so that he can look at Toni more directly, before adding, “or at least refuse to leave.”
Toni frowns, because he knows that Gilbert is no longer talking about just missing the view, and he also knows that Gilbert is not wrong, exactly. For someone who curses the city so often, who refuses to call it his home, he’s certainly made himself comfortable in its depths. “You learn to live with windows as stars when you grow up with the light pollution,” he murmurs, voice quiet enough that the sentence might be mistaken as more for himself than Gilbert.
Gil sighs, a breath that is shorter, but feels long in the delay following it. “That’s an excuse,” he finally states flatly, before twisting around to lay on his back again. “But I guess most of the things you say seem like they are, so.” To his side, Toni lets out a sharp breath, and Gilbert can’t fully decide if it’s the breath of a man laughing or the breath of a man who’s been struck. “Tell me I’m wrong,” he declares, and decidedly keeps his eyes aimed up at the space above them. “Tell me I’m wrong without lying.”
“You aren’t,” Antonio says with a bit of finality. Any denial would just be more of an excuse, and sometimes one just has to accept the person they are; especially now. “I don’t mean to,” he adds after a few seconds, then lets out a chuckle that is much more easily placed as laughter, even if it’s got a sarcastic edge to it. “Though, I guess that’s an excuse, too, huh?”
It’s a rhetorical question, so it’s less concerning when Gilbert says nothing back this time. They both slip back into that low silence. There’s the clicking and chirping of bugs and the two steady rhythms of their breathing, but nothing more. That holds for a while, seconds turning to minutes, and Antonio lets himself lay there, listening. Their breathing isn’t in sync, not like he remembers it being many years ago. He makes a few half attempts to force the two rhythms to fall in line with each other, but the effort of holding or rushing his breath to keep in pace makes him feel like he’s breathing through a thick fog instead, and he eventually lets his breaths fall back into their own natural rhythm.
There’s something unsettling about that, too, though. Now that he’s fully noticed Gilbert’s breathing, there’s a tense sort of unease that it has started to slip into his brain. It takes him a few moments of rolling the feeling around in his head before he can recognize where its origin is likely placed, and he decides to speak up about it, both to cut off the silence once more now that it no longer eases him, as well as hoping that his words might add to the defense he desperately wants Gil to believe of him genuinely liking the other, even if he can’t fully trust him.
“Y’know, I remember doing this in the hospital, too,” Toni declares, and can see Gilbert’s head tilt in his direction out of the corner of his eye.
“Watching the stars?” Gilbert asks. He can figure that’s not the answer, but without a better guess, he at least wants to highlight to the other what a seemingly questionable sentence that’s just been made.
“Listening to you breathe,” Antonio answers back, sounding largely unfazed by the hint of sarcasm. His voice keeps a sort of distant quality to it, as if he were completely back in those moments. As if he were musing aloud to the crickets around them compared to answering the direct question from his friend. “I did that a lot.”
Gil’s quiet for a long beat, before he turns his head back away. “Yeah, the what? Five times you stopped by?” There his words taint with a bitter flavor to them, and he adjusts how he’s laying in the same way one pushes their shoulders back and straightens their posture when taking offense to something.
“It was more than that,” Antonio corrects, this time turning his head over to face Gil a little more. His voice eases back into being present ever so slightly, pulling himself back from the thought to counter the small jab. “I know it wasn’t as much as I should have, but I did make a number of trips.” He sighs, then, letting his focus turn back upwards, and his tone finds a distance again as he recalls, “I’d drape my jacket over the back of the chair before sliding it closer to your bed so I could sit right by you. A lot of the time I’d reach out to take your hand for a while.” His arm twitches, like he wants to reach out and do it now, but he worries Gil wouldn’t let him tonight, so he moves it instead to rest with the other one under his head like a makeshift pillow. “I missed getting to do it so much like when we three first became friends, and they always say that outside stimulation might help in those cases.”
Antonio doesn’t give any space this time for Gilbert to respond or not, carrying on with the same tone of musing about a casual thought he’d had. He imagines it must sound odd, to hear the whole thing talked about so calmly, so simply. He finds it easier to try not submerging himself any further in the thoughts and feelings of back then, though. He liked to linger on a lot of things about the past. Tiago had once joked about him having rose-colored eye contacts, the way he mused about better times so often. This, however, was something he’d rather remember as distantly as he could. “Sometimes I’d try to talk to you… or I’d sing or hum a song I remembered you liking. But sometimes I’d just stay quiet and listen. I’d hear you breathing, and it’d make me feel better because… well, that was better than what the doctors expected you’d be doing after that long. But then I’d think about it, and I’d think, ‘What if this is the last time though? What if this is the last time you hear him breathing? What if he takes his last by the next time you come back? What if you go to sleep and wake up to a world where he’s stopped?’” Antonio releases a worn sigh, and his elbows and shoulders sink slightly, resting further against the grass. But after a beat, he makes a small sound to signify a silver lining of a thought, “I hear you breathing now and it reminds me of that, but it also makes me glad I don’t gotta worry about that no more.”
Antonio finishes to find that Gilbert has turned back to half-face him again, leaning partially onto a side and using his arms to steady his positioning. Gil stares for a long while, not making a sound. But out of the corner of his eye, Toni can see brows tilted in confusion, or even frustration. Words seem to be on the other’s lips, just not fully ready to be said, and so they wait in silence until Gilbert finally speaks up.
“I don’t get it then,” Gilbert finally declares bluntly, and his mouth tilts slightly, pulling a more perplexed frown to his lips. “You say you were so worried, so why didn’t you come more often?”
“Because I was afraid, Gilbert.” It wouldn’t be unjustified to guess at there being a defensive edge on those words, but it’d be a mistake. More than anything, its blunt tone is just matter-of-fact. “I was afraid over you. Because they didn’t have any way to contact me, so I thought the only way I’d know you were dead was going back in. It didn’t work out that way, of course; Francis still knew how to reach me, but- you were Schrodinger's Gilbert as long as I was outside that room, but you might really be gone the next time I stepped in.”
He sighs, long and heavy, and lifts his head so he can lift his hands. They move, pressing palms at his forehead and dragging slightly down his face, holding until they cover his eyes and cheeks and rest right over his mouth. “And because I was afraid for myself, too, if’m honest. Because I was too focused on a million things to focus on the one that meant the most. That should a meant the most. Because I’d just almost lost one of my best friends and because I’d almost gotten hurt myself. Because I was pretty sure someone in my crew was trying to get me killed or fucked over, and I didn’t know who or why. Because I had so much to do to keep what I had built together, to keep my crew in one piece and to keep myself out of the bed next to you.” He moves his hands again, this time parting them slightly and giving another sigh. “Because I thought, like I always do, that what I was doing was for the best in the long run.” His gaze shifts, still staying stationary but adjusting so he’s not really looking at the stars anymore. His vision grows blurry at the change for a moment, before he finally moves his eyes over to Gil, allowing them to find focus again. “I know it’s just more excuses, but those are all the answers I got for you.”
It’s harder in the dark, but those green eyes find Gil’s. Much like Toni recognized the intent to speak, Gil knows here that this is the brunet signifying that he is finished and awaits further judgement as is deemed fit. Gilbert stares back. For a long while, their eyes stay locked, and then Gil turns away first. “Well,” he says, laying onto his back again and declaring dismissively, “you were wrong.”
“So I’ve heard,” Antonio responds back after a second or so.
Gilbert still feels like he doesn’t know his friend as much as he thought he did, but he at least knows the other well enough to pick up on that wording. His arms cross over his chest, interlocking as his eyes glare upwards, even if his head leans over slightly to further direct his words at the other. “You’re wrong a lot,” he states curtly.
There’s a breath-like laugh as Toni, hands still pressed over his eyes, acknowledges to having heard that as well. He could let his arms rest against the ground again, but without being able to see, he assumes Gilbert is giving him a judging look and would rather avoid it for the moment. Still, he doesn’t resist when a hand takes his, pulling it free to grip it in a tight hold for a moment instead. Gilbert is looking down at him again, leaned over to get a better angle at his face. The light from the nearby house lights up his features just enough to highlight the raised eyebrow and slanted half-frown he’s casting down at Toni.
“How’re you one of the smartest guys I know and still so fucking stupid about everything, Toño?” Gil asks, letting his lips slip an inch further into the territory of a frustrated pout.
Toni lets his mouth twitch up into the faintest mimic of a smile, and this time around, he laughs like a hum when he answers. “Hmm, it’s truly a puzzle, ain’t it, Gil?” It’s an effort, even small, to keep his lips even when Gilbert’s hand is pulled away, resting that arm back on its owner’s side. He can tell a part of Gilbert wants to speak further; to ask why he has to be like this. Why he can’t just admit when he’s wrong.
The issue is that Toni still doesn’t fully agree that he is wrong. He can recognize the choices he made weren’t ideal. He can recognize that he made a mistake. He can be sorry for not staying closer to his friend, whether emotionally, physically, or both. But that doesn’t make his priorities wrong. He acted on fear back then, sure, but that is the purpose of fear, after all. Antonio isn’t one to show it often, but he recognizes its usefulness when required. One mustn't let it rule their whole life, let it bring them to complete cowardice in the face of hardship, but fear itself exists to keep people alive in moments of true danger.
His actions have backfired here, driven a rather impressive wedge between himself and one of his very best friends. But everything else he has on this day? He doesn’t consider it wrong to have tried to protect it first. He can agree with Gilbert that friends are important. Even that friends should come first over many things. But there wasn’t much that sitting at Gilbert’s side day in and day out could truly do, and he’d needed to do so much. To keep going, to make sure everything else survived. To make sure that even if he did lose his friend, he’d have something at the end of all this.
If anything, he wants to flip the question back at Gilbert. To question why he can’t consider the idea that maybe he’s the one who’s wrong here. It’s Gilbert who seems to have missed out on the workings of the city they built their names in. Gilbert who seems to have unrealistic expectations about the way the world of Los Santos truly works. After all, Toni would likely be pleased, if the roles had been reversed, to hear that the other two had come seen him frequently in the hospital, but he also wouldn’t have been surprised if they hadn’t much or at all. They were friends, sure, but friendship in Los Santos was a funny thing, and it could mean such varying things to all sorts of people.
And that’s the thing that Antonio finds funniest of all. Again, their ideas on friendship mesh so well in so many ways. He really never had expected the three to get along as well as they did, but below the surface, they have so much in common on their feelings and priorities, that the three actually work quite well together. They feel as if on the same wavelength sometimes, and it’s comforting in the way of finding anyone like yourself in this world can be comforting.
Yet then, you get to that one core difference and it all falls apart. They both still value the others, still value their time shared together, but Toni has never expected kindness from Francis or Gilbert that wasn’t agreed upon with a handshake, not in the way of demanding it when it wasn’t there. They’re so close in ideas, but there’s some path that they seem to have split on down the way that divides them, and despite everything that’s happened, despite Gilbert’s overwhelming anger at him, he’s still not ready to call the road he’s taken the wrong one.
That wavelength has wavered too much. They are turn signals on a set of cars, syncing up for a few seconds before falling out of beat with each other and each following their own pace until all falling into line again. He breathes in, suddenly feeling the cold of the night air in his lungs for the first time since the sun set. It makes sense, Toni thinks, looking up towards Gilbert without truly looking at him, how their breaths sound together. Overlapping, sometimes matching, but never fully in sync.
His hands find the dirt below him and he leans forward, pushing himself into a sitting position that forces Gilbert to lean back into his own spot. Toni takes a beat, a long second with his hands pressed into the grass, before he breathes deep and pushes himself to his feet. He stares up, taking in the sight of the stars for a moment more, before turning his attention back to Gilbert and giving an easy smile. “It’s getting pretty late, doncha think?” He adds the words of a question, but it is a declaration as he brushes his clothes off some. “Still got a long drive to get back to the city.”
There’s a beat as Gilbert stands as well. One where the man could offer Toni stay the night, and they both recognize it. But, given the third person still waiting inside the house for his husband to come join him, they both know that’s not an offer that’s coming.
Antonio reaches forward first, because he knows he should but also because he wants to. His hands grab the sleeves of Gilbert’s shirt as he pulls him into a big hug. “It was good to see you out here. Wish it was under better circumstances, but y’know.” He can already hear in the back of his mind, the response for Toni to be less of a self-centered dick in the future and then it can be better circumstances. So he pushes on, adding, “Next time, just call me out here, yeah?”
Gilbert hugs back, wrapping sore arms around Antonio’s frame. “Next time,” he counters, “just come.”
As Toni pulls away, he raises an eyebrow, turning to glance more pointedly at the house, and Gilbert turns too, quiet for a moment, before looking back. “Call ahead,” Gilbert corrects, and it gets a genuine laugh out of the other.
When the laughter dies down, a slanted grin resting more uncomfortably than it normally does on Toni’s face, he shrugs and nods in acknowledgement, rubbing a hand on his neck but with the air of rubbing out a sore spot from the fight. “Fair enough.” He moves that hand level but forward, resting on a shoulder and squeezing reassuringly. “You’re still good out here?” It feels like such an out of place thing to ask, given the whole evening, but it also feels like it wouldn’t be right not to ask it before parting. It’s less inspired by practice and expectation when his eyes flicker back to the house again, and he adds, “He’s still good to you?”
“More than some people I could mention,” Gilbert answers instantly, and then his face seems to react with slight regret. Not enough to fully feel bad for having the thought, but maybe wishing he hadn’t said it.
Its tone is that of a joke, but there is a bite to those words that screams volumes given its context. It drives a short laugh out of Toni, a sharp sound that echoes in the empty air like a gunshot as his body recoils back half an inch. He hopes it can disguise as leaning back with the laugh. It doesn’t, and Gilbert finally corrects his answer, giving a simple comment on Matt being as wonderful as he always is.
“Good,” Antonio answers, “you deserve that.” He hopes that’s one of the things they can agree on, even if he’s not as confident as he’d like to be on that. “Truly. I know your faith in me is shaken just because I don’t trust you enough, but I do want what’s best for you. You’re my friend, Gilbert. I thought I lost you once. I don’t wanna see you hurt again for trusting the wrong people.”
The starlight catches those eyes as Gil’s gaze locks and holds with Toni’s. “And who’re you thinking are the wrong people here?”
Toni chuckles and lifts a hand, waving off the concern. “I didn’t mean anyone specific,” he tries to reassure, truthfully for once. He doesn’t get along with Matt, he doesn’t particularly care about him outside of small factors that don’t mean much in the grand scheme of things, but Matt seems fine enough anyway. More so, Toni may not trust Gilbert wholly, but he trusts his sense of judgement on this, and if Gilbert is impressed by him, then Toni tries to keep his concern to a minimum. “I’m just sayin’, y’know? Take care of yourself.”
“Well, I know you apparently won’t stick your neck out to do it, so-.” Gilbert mutters it, but he keeps his mouth curled into a smirk so that any insult can be laughed off as teasing.
Sure enough, Toni places a hand over his heart and shoots back, “Ah, one final wound. And here I was thinking our fight was over.” But they both know that’s not the case. Things have fallen into rhythm for now, but they’ll veer and spread out and split again. It so seems to be their nature.
Gilbert gives a reassurance to Toni not to worry about him as they step further from the house. They won’t go all the way down to where the car is waiting, but Gilbert can still walk with him for now. The tone he uses when he speaks implies an understanding that he knows Toni won’t worry, and it’s enough to get Toni to speak up and admit he can’t help but to do it.
“You make it very easy to worry about you, Gil,” Toni tells him, flashing the hint of a smile at the other.
“Because I’m too trusting?”
“Because,” and he pulls Gil into another tight hug, “you are my friend. No matter what you think of me now, please don’t forget that?” He pats Gil’s back a couple times as the pale man grumbles out a pseudo-joking acknowledgement.
Toni pulls away, taking a few steps further down the path. His arm instinctively lifts in a wave when Gilbert does not step with him anymore, staying where he is standing and lifting his own hand to wave back as well. Antonio turns back forward when nothing more is said, heading towards the glow of headlights in the distance. There are still words on his tongue, but he reasons it too late to say anything more. The wavelengths have split, after all, and he figures it will be a while before they can match up again.
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zoeykaytesmom · 5 years
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What Is Life?
Description: I am taking my OC from A03, and putting her and Rafael Barba in a different universe of how they meet. I’m new to posting on here so it might take me a little bit to figure this out lol. The title comes from a George Harrison song; it’ll make more sense the longer the story goes.
@xemopeachx @sweetsummertime99 @lyssa1385 @tropes-and-tales @esparza-army @jramirezblogs @thatesparzacrush
September 1989
“Ma why do we have to switch schools for our Freshman year?” Anthony Rossetti Jr, or Tony as he was called, practically whined while his mother, Stella fixed breakfast.
“Stop whining, Junior,” his twin sister, Elizabeth or Izzy, said as she came in the kitchen, holding her blue and white plaid tie. “Ma a little help?”
“You two are going to have to learn to tie these yourselves,” Stella laughed as she took the tie from her daughter.
Stella Rossetti had accepted a position as the guidance counselor at a Catholic school in the South Bronx, after spending many years teaching high school English at a public school in their Brooklyn neighborhood of Bensonhurst.
“And to answer your question, Junior, the schools in this neighborhood are getting worse. Plus, since I work there, your dad and I don’t have to pay tuition. Also, you two have basically went to school with the same people all your lives and it wouldn’t hurt you to make some new friends.”
“Isn’t that what college is for?” Tony asked with a mouth full of eggs.
“Could you be anymore disgusting?”
“Come on, sis, you like seafood.”
“Junior, stop being gross,” their father said as he came in for breakfast.
FDNY Lieutenant Anthony Rossetti Sr. had come in from his shift around 6 am. He wanted to see his kids off to their first day of their freshman year and to wish his wife of 17 years luck on her first day of her new position.
“Come on, kids. Hurry up and finish your breakfast. We don’t want to be late,” Stella told her twins.
“God, we’re gonna look like such nerd riding to school with our Mom,” Tony muttered. “Well, you more than me, sis.”
Izzy had braces and Tony had teased her non-stop since she got them in the summer.
“Leave your sister alone, Junior,” Anthony instructed his namesake as he loaded his plates with the scrambled eggs and bacon his wife had made.
*****
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” Izzy said after she bumped into a guy, whose locker was next to hers, causing her books to fall into the floor.
“It’s okay,” he told her with a kind tone. “Hey, weren’t you in my 4th period AP Biology class?”
“Uh…yeah,” she sort of stammered as she looked into the guys green eyes. “Izzy…”
“Rossetti. I remember. You’re the daughter of our new guidance counselor.”
“That’s me,” she sort of chuckled as she took a book from his hand.
“I’m Rafael. Rafael Barba.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Rafael.”
“You, too,” he smiled as he helped her to her feet.
“Hey, Ra-ffi.”
“Hey, Eddie, Alex. This is Izzy Rossetti.”
“Hi,” she said as she sort of waved at them.
“Rossetti? Uh-oh. You’re the counselor’s daughter,” Eddie teased.
“Yeah, that’s me,” she repeated.
“Well, welcome to Monsignor Scanlan High School,” Alex said with smarmy smile that Izzy uncomfortable.
“So, what’s your next class?” Rafael asked her.
“Uh, lunch, actually.”
“Us too. You want to join us?”
“Maybe another time, Rafael. I need to find my brother.”
“I’m gonna hold you to it,” he smiled.
“It was nice to meet you guys,” she told Alex and Eddie before heading to the cafeteria.
“That girl is hot,” Eddie told Rafael.
“I don’t know about the braces,” Alex mentioned.
“What do you mean?”
“Come on, Rafi. You don’t want that amount of metal near your dick if she’s giving you head.”
“Seriously, man?!”
“I’m just saying. I mean, yeah, she is hot but those braces are scary.”
“I think they’re cute,” Rafael added.
“Uh-oh. Our boy has a crush,” Eddie laughed.
“Come on. I’m hungry,” Rafael told them as they headed to the cafeteria.
********************
“Baby girl why are you eating lunch in my office?” Stella asked her daughter.
“I don’t fit in here, Ma.”
“It’s been a half a day. Have you met anyone?”
“Well…I met a guy,” Izzy said with a small smile.
“Really? Is he cute?”
“Unbelievably so, Mom. His name is Rafael Barba.”
“Barba…Barba? I wonder if he’s Lucia’s son?”
“Who?”
“You remember Lucia Barba. She taught with me at PS 128.”
“Sort of,” Izzy shrugged as she picked at the cheeseburger she had got from the cafeteria.
“What happened to my daughter that didn’t meet a stranger?”
“I don’t know.”
“She’s still there,” Stella chuckled as she took a bite of her own cheeseburger.
“Why are me and Tony on different schedules?”
“Because I thought it would be best. You two have been joined at the hip since before you were born. You need to make new friends, meet new people.”
“I guess.”
The first bell rang, signaling to the 11:30 lunchers that they had 10 minutes to get to their 6th period class.
“I gotta go, Ma. Thanks for letting me have lunch with you.”
“Of course, baby girl. I know this is different from public school but you’re gonna do great.”
“Thanks.”
Izzy headed to her AP American History class.
“Ah, yes, Miss Rossetti. There is an empty desk next to Mr. Barba. Rafael, raise your hand so Elizabeth can find her desk.”
“It’s Izzy,” she told her teacher as she made her way to the desk next to Rafael.
She opened her book to the page Mr. Cervantes had said and was doing her best to concentrate but her attention was mainly on Rafael. He had his hand up to answer any question that was asked.
“Miss Rossetti?”
“Huh?”
“What started World War I?”
“The assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand from Austria,” she answered without missing a beat.
“Just making sure you were paying attention to something other than Mr. Barba.”
Some of the kids in the class giggled as she wanted to die in her seat.
***********
“Don’t let Cervantes get under your skin,” Rafael told her as they walked out of class.
“I was just amazed at your knowledge,” she lied.
“I like to read,” he shrugged as they walked down the hall. “Speaking of…did I see a copy of ‘Less Than Zero’ in your hand earlier?”
“You did. Bret Easton Ellis is one of my favorite authors.”
“I saw the movie…”
“Oh no. The movie and the book are so different. Julian, Robert Downey Jr’s character, doesn’t die in the book.”
“Really?”
“Yep.”
“Have you ever read anything by Kurt Vonnegut?”
“Can’t say that I have.”
“You should. ‘Slaughterhouse Five’ is really good. I think you’d like it.”
“Well, I might have to check it out.”
“So, my friend Alex thinks you’re hot.”
“Yeah?” She asked, even though she didn’t want Alex to be one of the three to think she was hot.
“Yeah. You think you might be interested…”
“Not really. I mean, no offense but I have basketball try-outs next week and honestly, he doesn’t seem like my type.”
“I understand,” Rafael chuckled. “So, you’re an athlete, huh?”
“I’ve been playing basketball since I was 10. You?”
“The only thing I play is Chess…and Nintendo.”
“I could give you a run for your money.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I’ve beat Super Mario Brothers 1 & 2 several times.”
He laughed at her joke.
“I could probably kick your ass at Chess, too, though.”
“Challenge accepted, Rossetti,” he told her with a smirk.
*********
“Hey, you’re Izzy, right?” A girl with brown hair asked as she opened the other locker next to Izzy’s.
“Uh, yeah.”
“Erin Harris. We have History together.”
“Right, yeah. You sit in the back.”
“So Mr. Cervantes will leave me alone. How do you like it here so far?”
“It’s been a week,” Izzy shrugged. “It’s not so bad, I guess. I’ve just been used to public school all my life.”
“I know the feeling. My parents made me transfer here to the junior high last year because I kept ‘getting in trouble’,” Erin laughed.
“I see.”
“I’m not that bad. Honestly. Just hung around with the wrong crowd. Dying my hair pink was the straw that broke the camel’s back.”
“Wow.”
“So, uh, you like Rafael?”
Izzy was a little taken aback by Erin’s blunt question. “Wha-what do you mean?”
“I sit behind you and see the way you stare at him during class.”
“I mean…he’s cute,” she shrugged.
“Well, he’s in love with Yelina Ortiz so, don’t get your hopes up.”
“Who’s she?”
“Come on. She has the same lunch we do. I’ll show her to you.”
After Izzy and Erin sat down with their diet cokes and nachos they had gotten from the a la carte table, Erin pointed out Yelina to Izzy. She was tall, long dark hair, and very beautiful dark skin. Izzy gave up any hope of dating Rafael in that instance. She saw the way he practically fawned over her; Alex did, too, though.
“Are they dating?”
“No. That’s the thing. He follows her everywhere but she only dates older guys.”
“How do you know this?”
“It was like that last year in eighth grade even. It’s kinda sad cause he’s a very nice guy. Really sweet.”
Just then, across the lunch room, Rafael looked up to see Izzy looking at him. He sort of smiled, causing her to blush and look back to Erin.
“He’s coming over here.”
“No, he’s not.”
“If you’re gonna make the basketball team, shouldn’t you be eating better?” Rafael teased as he took a seat at their table. “Hey, Erin.”
“What’s up?”
“It doesn’t hurt to cheat once in a while,” Izzy giggled. “Hey! Don’t you have your own lunch?”
“I already ate it,” he smiled as he popped the cheese drenched chip in his mouth.
Izzy couldn’t help but laugh at the cheese that had dripped onto his chin.
“What?”
“You got…you…here,” she told him as she wiped his chin.
“Oops,” he laughed. Erin nudged Izzy and discreetly motioned toward Yelina, who was burning a hole through Izzy at that very moment.
“I think you’re…uh…friend is getting a little jealous.”
“She’ll be fine,” Rafael told her as he continued to sit with Erin and Izzy for the remainder of lunch before their history class.
The three of them walked down the hall after lunch to their class. Erin took the desk directly behind Izzy instead of her normal seat in the very back.
“You’re in my seat, Erin,” Bradley Walker told her.
“Now it’s mine. There’s a few other empty ones.”
“Ugh, whatever.”
********************
“You’re not going to the winter formal?”
“No, Ma,” Izzy answered as they worked on dinner one night in November.
“Why not. We could get you a beautiful dress, get your hair done…”
“No one’s asked me,” she shrugged.
“I thought Alex Munoz asked you. That’s what your brother said.”
“I can’t stand Alex, Ma. And he didn’t ask me. He told me I was gonna go with him more or less. I don’t need someone making decisions for me.”
“He was probably just playing around.”
“Still…there is nothing attractive about him whatsoever.”
“Well, you and Erin could always go with each other. Surely guys would ask you to dance.”
“Maybe.”
“Do you know this girl your brother is taking?”
“Heather? A little, not well though. She seems nice enough.”
“How’s my two favorite girls?” Anthony asked as he kissed his wife on the cheek.
“Good. How’d you sleep?”
“Decent enough. Uh, Izz, there’s someone in the living room to see you.”
“Me? Who?”
“That boy that hangs out with your brother.”
“That could be anybody, Pop.”
“I can’t keep all his friend’s straight. Just go see. I can finish helping your mother.”
“Okay.”
She opened the kitchen door and found Rafael, still in his school uniform.
“Hey, Raf,” she smiled. “My dad did tell you Tony was…”
“Yeah, I know. I came to see you, actually.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. You know the winter formal is in a few weeks?”
“I’m aware,” she laughed.
“Your brother said you didn’t have a date and I was wondering if you’d like to come with me?”
“Uh…uh…”
“It’s just a ‘yes’ or ‘no’,” he said with a smirk.
“I just thought maybe you’d go with Yelina.”
“Yelina?” He laughed. “Please. She wouldn’t go to the dance with a nerd like me.”
“You’re not a nerd,” she told him as she tilted her head. “And yes, I’d like to go with you.”
“Are you saying that out of pity or because you really want to go with me?”
“I’d really like to go with you.”
“Then it’s a date. I’ll see you school at tomorrow.”
“Rafael what brings you by?” Stella asked after she came out of the kitchen.
“I…uh…I just asked your daughter if she’d like to escort me to the winter formal.”
“Is that right? And what did you say, Elizabeth Machelle?”
“Well, of course, she said ‘yes’, Mrs. Rossetti.”
“Jeez, Rafael,” Izzy said as she rolled her eyes.
“Well, I am finishing up manicotti that my son asked for but he can’t keep himself at home so you’re more than welcome to stay for dinner.”
“I should probably get home.”
“Nonsense. I’ll call your mom.”
“Oh, okay. Sure, thanks.”
Stella called Lucia who said it was fine if Rafael stayed for dinner and Anthony said he would make sure he got home instead of taking the subway back to the Bronx.
********************
Izzy had found a simple, strapless black mid-length dress with sequins but not too flashy at all.
Rafael showed up in a black 3-piece suit with a red tie. Izzy was impressed to say the least. She had only seen him in his school uniform, other than the few times he had come over on the weekends in jeans and t-shirts.
“You look beautiful,” he smiled at his date when she came down stairs. Her blond hair was done in ringlets which had given her a headache as they were being done but a couple of Advil later, she was fine and ready to go.
“Thanks, Raf. You look…pretty good, too.”
“And we all know, I look great,” Tony laughed.
“Okay, Tony. Where’s your date?”
“We’re picking her up on the way, Dad. Thanks again for getting us the car.”
“Well, I thought it was better than you guys taking a cab or the subway.”
“Yeah, thanks, Mr. Rossetti.”
“Not a problem, Rafael. I want my daughter home by 11.”
“Yes, sir.”
“If there’s one hair on her head out of place…”
“Dad!!!”
“I’m just kidding, princess. You guys have fun.”
They let Stella take a few pictures before they left. They sat in the town car, Rafael’s legs bouncing as he nervously ran his hands on his knees.
“You okay?”
“I’m fine, Izz,” he smiled to which Tony just sort of laughed, earning a nudge in his ribs from his sister.
***************
They finally arrived at the “Winter Wonderland” formal dance. It was basically a prom for the Freshman and Sophomores.
“There you are!!” Erin exclaimed when she saw Izzy walk in with Rafael.
“I told you I’d be here,” Izzy laughed at her now best friend.
“You look amazing. Doesn’t she, Rafael?”
“Yes, Erin. I already told her she looked great.”
“Come on, let’s dance.”
“Erin…”
“It’s okay, cariño. Go have fun. I’ll get us something to drink,” Rafael told her. She didn’t know what “cariño” meant but it didn’t sound bad.
Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” blasted over the speakers as Izzy and Erin danced while they laughed and sang along.
She noticed Rafael sitting at a table with Eddie and Alex as he watched her.
Erin had actually went to the dance with Eddie so they went to sit with their dates.
Soon Depeche Mode’s “Just Can’t Enough” started playing.
“Dance with me, Raf?”
“I don’t really like to dance.”
“Come on. It’ll be fun,” Izzy told him.
“What the hell?” He shrugged as he took her hand and led her to the dance floor. She didn’t understand why he didn’t like to dance because the boy sure knew how to move. Robert Palmer’s “Simply Irresistible” came on next so the two of them continued to dance.
“How about a break? Some food maybe?”
“Uh, sure, Raf,” Izzy agreed as she was working up an appetite after dancing.
After a few snacks and a couple more glasses of punch, Erin grabbed Izzy as The Romantics “Talking in Your Sleep” started playing.
“So, uh, what’s up with you and Rossetti?” Alex asked.
“We’re friends,” Rafael told them. “She didn’t have a date and neither did I so I asked her…”
“Rafi?”
“Uh…hey, Yelina.”
“Your date seems to be more into her best friend than you.”
“She’s just having fun,” he shrugged. “We’re just friends. It’s not like she has to be by my side the whole time.”
“Hey, Yelina, you want to dance?” Alex asked.
“No thanks, Alex. My date is getting us something to drink,” she said as she motioned to the Senior that she had been dating, Riley Watkins.
Izzy noticed Yelina and immediately grabbed Erin and headed back to the table. She promptly took her seat next to Rafael, pushing Yelina out of the way with her butt.
“Izzy. I wondered why you were leaving this poor guy all alone,” Yelina snarked.
“Hey, Raf, you want to join me for another dance?” She asked as Billy Idol’s “Hot in the City” started playing.
“You bet,” he smiled.
They continued to dance. They were even warned by one of the teachers that was chaperoning that they were a little too close. Izzy wanted to make a move on him so bad.
“You know, I really like the red and green rubber bands you have on your braces,” he told her as they danced to Journey’s “Open Arms”.
“Uh, thanks,” she said as she felt her face get hot. She was so glad it was dark enough that he couldn’t see her blush.
“Would it be okay if I…” he asked as he moved in closer to her, making her heart skip a beat.
“Can I cut in?” Yelina had the audacity to ask.
Izzy knew Rafael was in love with her and actually let her.
She went to the bathroom with Erin following close behind.
“What the hell was that?”
“What?”
“You let Yelina dance with him? Are you crazy?!”
“What was I gonna say?”
“How about, ‘fuck no! He’s here with me,’?”
“We’re just friends.”
“He was about to kiss you.”
“No, he wasn’t.”
“Are you that fucking oblivious?!”
“Erin…”
“Her date left. She’s here alone now. She’s trying to swoop in on your guy.”
“He’s not my guy.”
“I’m just trying to help you, here.”
“I’m fine, Erin. Really.”
Rafael had went looking for Izzy after sharing half a dance with Yelina and found her coming from the bathroom of their school’s gym.
“Hey, you want another dance?”
“Actually, I think I’d like to go home.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I’m getting tired. Erin has been wearing me out,” she lied.
“Oh. Okay. Do you want me to find Tony and Heather?”
“They still have an hour before curfew. I can catch a cab.”
“No, you can’t. You came with me and I’m going to make sure you get home safely.”
“I’ve got her,” Erin said with a glare.
“Erin I can get her home. It’s fine.”
“I’m going with you then.”
“Whatever.”
************
Erin told Eddie she was ready to leave so he decided he’d go, too, even though she told him he didn’t have to.
Tony told his twin that he had enough money to get a cab for him and Heather and for her to take the car their dad had gotten for them.
The ride to Bensonhurst was a quiet one. Once the driver pulled up to Izzy’s house, she and Erin got out but Rafael insisted on walking Izzy to the door.
“I had a good time tonight with you.”
“Yeah, me too,” she smiled.
Erin leaned against the porch wall with her arms crossed, her eyes shooting daggers into Rafael.
“Erin can you give us a minute?”
“Uh no,” Erin replied to Rafael.
“Here’s my key, Erin. Just go up to my room.”
“If you say so, Izz,” she scoffed as she took the key chain from her best friend and unlocked the door.
“So, I guess I’ll see you Monday?”
“Yeah, Rafael,” Izzy nodded.
“Thanks for coming with me tonight.”
“I had a good time.”
“I’m glad. Well, I guess I should be going.”
“Okay.”
He started to move closer to her but the kiss landed on her cheek instead of her lips like she had hoped.
They said one last good-bye before she went inside.
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54fangirl · 6 years
Text
Will You Love The Real Me?
Sweet Pea x Reader
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Requested: Yes! - Idk if your taking requests or not but i love your series im here now and i wanted to know if you’d take this? Could you do one where SP is dating a closted reader (bi or pan) and she’s like affriad to tell him or somthing. Thx 
Summary: Sweet Pea and Y/N broke up because she was keeping secrets, but no one could figure out what they were. Well until Toni convinces Fangs to go with her to a club in Greendale.
Pairings: Sweet Pea x Female!Bisexual!Reader
Words: 2,387
Warnings: swearing, homophobia/biphobia, hints at being closeted, mentions of gay conversion, underage(?), angst (?), a French word (?) (It means Please)
A/N: First off, this is my first request! But like lowkey, it’s 3:30AM, I just got inspired out of the blue and wrote this. Fuck knows why. I hope this is what you were looking for my dude, this is what I got.
Edit: I’m rereading this and it’s so extra omfg, but like also not really based on Riverdale standards...
[Y/N] - Your name
[Y/L/N] - Your last name
[Y/N/N] - Your nickname 
Disclaimers: I own nothing but the plot and the OC’s /  Not my Gif, credits to the owner
“This is depressing,” Toni said as she assessed her friends pouting at her bar.
Fangs had just been dumped by some guy he didn’t want any of them to know about and Sweet Pea had just broken up with his girlfriend.
Neither Fangs nor Toni were really close with her, but they both knew Sweet Pea thought she was going to stick.
“Yeah well you still have miss ‘Bombshell’, so you have no room to talk Topaz,” Sweet Pea grumbled as he pushed off the bar and headed for the pool table.
“Do you even know what happened? I thought things were good between the two of them?” She whispered at Fangs.
“Not really, he said something about her keeping secrets but that could just be him being paranoid.”
Toni sighed, watching as her friend sat face down on the bar.
“Alright well I can’t do anything about him but you’re coming out with me and Cheryl this weekend.”
“And just why would I do that?” Fangs asked, rolling his head to the side.
“Because I know you have a fake and Cheryl happens to know of a fun club we can hit up in Greendale.”
“And why aren’t we bringing Pea?”
“Not really his scene...” She edged around the meaning, not wanting to say anything too loud.
Fangs got the real meaning though.
“Yeah, fine I guess.”
XXX
Fangs could feel the bass from inside the club pumping as they waited in line.
“You’re sure we won’t see anyone we know?” He asked, not wanting to see anyone from Riverdale.
Toni nodded her head as her girlfriend talked to the bouncer, “I swear. We’re clear on the other side of  Greendale.”
They passed by the bouncer fairly easy, all of them looking the part and all being really attractive.
Fangs spent the first bit chilling against the wall, watching Toni dance with a few other people, Cheryl has disappeared to the bar. He sipped his drink as the lights flashed in his eyes and he felt the beat in his chest.
One girl caught his attention seeing as she was sandwiched between two other girls and was heavily grinding on them as she laughed and had an all-around good time.
He smiled, maybe this place could be fun.
Then he saw her face and his own went pale and he ran to pull Toni off the girl she was with.
“What?! I like this song!” She grumbled loudly over the music.
“You said we wouldn’t know anyone here!”
“We don’t!”
“Really?!” He pointed directly at the girl he was just looking at.
Toni’s eyes bug out.
“[Y/N]...”
They watched her move and grind, singing along with the song before she spotted them, her skin draining of all it’s color.
She pushed off the girls and hurried across the floor, fast, rushing out the door.
“Did Pea know?” Toni wonders.
“I don’t think so...”
XXX
[Y/N] sat in her car where it was parked in a random lot.
She wanted to cry.
She did cry.
This club was her only safe place. The only place she could be herself. The only place that Riverdale wasn’t.
She could never face any of them again. The two would tell Sweet Pea the first chance they got, she was sure.
Her parents would find out and ship her off again.
XXX
“What do you mean?! Bisexual?!”
“Mom, I-”
“Do not speak to your mother!” Her father had yelled. “I will not have this...this nonsense in my house.”
“What are you talking about-?”
“Shut up!” Her father slapped her across the face.
“I don’t know who you are, but you’re not my daughter.”
“Yes I am, I’m still me!” [Y/N] pleaded, tears streaming down her cheeks
“No, you’re not. You’re somebody else. Somebody, I don’t recognize. You’re nothing but a worthless sinner.” Her father spoke at her with a look of disgust on his face, her mother staring at the floor.
“I can’t help it...” She cried quietly, fallen to the floor.
The two left the room and didn’t speak to her.
They didn’t say a word the next morning as she was taken forcefully by two large men.
They stayed silent as she was pricked with the needle and sedated.
They only nodded when a Sister told them she’d be in good hands and fix their daughter.
“She’ll be cured in no time, you caught it early.” She’d reassured them as [Y/N]’s mother cried.
“You do whatever you need, as long as that...thing doesn’t come back into my house.”
“Of course not, Mr. [Y/L/N].”
XXX
“I still don’t understand what happened,” Cheryl spoke and she got ready for bed.
“I told you, we saw someone we knew and Fangs just wasn’t feeling it. Not in the clubbing mood.”
“Well, who’d you see?” She pushed.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Why can’t I know? I’m not going to tell anyone, I mean, not if you don’t want me to.”
Toni sighed and face planted into a pillow before coming up for air and sighing again, “Fine. But you can’t tell anyone, not even Sweet Pea.”
Cheryl raised her left hand and put her right one on her chest, above her heart, “I swear on Nana Rose’s life.”
Toni rolled her eyes a little, her girlfriend was a drama queen, to say the least.
“Sweet Pea’s ex. [Y/N] [Y/L/N].”
Cheryl didn’t say anything and had turned away so Toni couldn’t see her reaction.
“Huh. Wouldn’t have thought she swung that way. Although her being on the softball team through junior high and freshmen year might’ve been a clue.”
Toni snorted, “Yeah I guess.”
XXX
[Y/N] stood at her locker, hugging her books close to her.
“[Y/N]. Lovely to see you, a word s'il vous plaît,” Cheryl slid up next to her.
The girl gave a little nod and began to follow the redhead to the girl's bathroom, passing the trio of serpents and watching them watch her and Cheryl.
She connected eyes with Sweet Pea and remembered when things had started between the two.
XXX
She had been back for two weeks when she met him.
She’d found walking around distracted her from her troubling thoughts.
She’d somehow made it to the southside.
“I think you’re a little lost there, Princess.” He’d spoke, his voice deep and gravely.
Masculine, She thought.
They kept running into each other the next week before he asked her out for real. It was another two weeks before she told her parents.
“I’m dating someone,” they looked up, concerned. “A boy.”
Smiles spread across their faces.
“That’s great sweetheart, I’m so proud of you.” He mother spoke, but she could hear the undertone of what her mother was thinking ‘Thank god it’s not a girl. My little girl is normal again.’
“When do we get to meet him?” Her father asked, ruffling the newspaper in his hands.
[Y/N] rung her hands together, “I don’t know, he’s...from the southside...”
She prepared for the backlash but her father only laughed.
“I don’t care where he’s from as long as he makes you happy.” She heard the same undertone from her father as he emphasized the ‘proper pronouns’.
XXX
As the two girls entered the bathroom Cheryl glared at the other girls occupying the room.
“Go. Leave. Get out.” 
The others ran out as fast as they could. As soon as she was sure they were alone, the ginger girl went off.
“Are you okay? Did anyone know you went last night? Did you see anyone you knew or who knew you?” Cheryl questioned.
The two’s times at The Sisters of Quiet Mercy had overlapped, [Y/N] having been there much longer than Cheryl. They had a strange bond, but it was a bond nonetheless.
“I saw Toni and Fangs,” [Y/N] spoke quietly, used to speaking softly when she felt like she was being berated.
“Hey, speak up. I gave you the name of that club for a reason. You stand tall and be proud,” Cheryl ordered.
“I don’t know...”
“Stand Tall. Be proud.”
[Y/N] stood up straight and looked a little less nervous.
“That’s my girl,” Cheryl praised. “Did he know?”
[Y/N] slouched a little and shook her head, talking about him made her sad. 
She really did like him, she just couldn’t talk about what happened with him. 
She got squirely around Toni, in fear of Cheryl having told her. She avoided questions. She avoided bringing him over to meet her parents. She dodged the pointed statements and left at any suggestive comments. It was too much for him. He’d assumed she just didn’t like his friends or being around the serpents as a whole and broke up with her because of that.
Oh if only he knew the truth, She thought
“Tell him.” 
Cheryl’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts.
“What?!” She hissed incredulously.
“He won’t think of you any different, he certainly won’t tell anyone, and he won’t be angry. Well, he might want to kill your parents, but that’s if I don’t get there first.”
“Cheryl...”
“Tell him, [Y/N]. You’ll feel better, I promise.”
“Cheryl he doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“Make him listen.”
XXX
“Sweet Pea...” [Y/N] hesitated quietly in front of his desk. He looked up at her, but a movement from behind him caught her eye. Cheryl sat a few rows back, mouthing and motioning their little motto.
“Stand tall and be proud.”
“What, [Y/N]?”
“Can we talk?”
“I don’t really-”
Cheryl's words rung through her ears, “Make him listen.”
She stood straight up and interrupted him, “We need to talk.”
He sighed, “Alright fine.”
“After school,” She continued on with authority. He nodded.
As soon as they agreed to meet by his bike she wandered off behind him and slumped next to Cheryl.
“That was exhausting.”
“I, for one, am proud. I’ve never seen that from you.”
“Yeah, there’s a reason for that...”
“Oh hush, just live in the moment [Y/N/N].”
XXX
She walked out and found him standing against his bike.
Once he spotted her, he moved. 
“Let’s get this over with.”
They drove down to Sweetwater River where the two sat next to the water. Staying quiet for a good five minutes.
“I thought you wanted to talk”
“I’m trying!” she exploded, feeling pressured as is. 
It shocked Sweet Pea but he found he liked it. It felt like she was being real for the first time.
He wanted more of it.
“Well try a little harder otherwise I’m out of here.”
She could feel her nerves igniting.
“Well maybe if you weren’t such a jerk I’d be more inclined to talk.”
Yes, this is what he wanted. Real raw emotions. She never got mad at him before, he loved it.
“Oh yeah? So I was a jerk the entire time we were together? Because you never talked to me then.”
She was already on edge, not really wanting to do this, and he wasn’t helping. She was getting angrier and losing control.
“Yeah, actually! You know what, you were. I couldn’t trust you with shit! I wanted to! But no! You were always off talking with your buddies, going on and on about some bullshit you heard from someone about something so pointless and meaningless that literally, no one gave a single fuck about it, not even you!”
Just as she exploded, the sky did the same, drenching them both in a matter of minutes.
He was astounded. No words.
She had never been like this before and it felt like that was a completely different person now, like she wasn’t his ex, but a whole new person that he was certain he could fall for.
“Trust me with what? Bullshit gossip about your little River Vixen friends? Thanks but I’ll pass,” He could help but antagonize her.
She groaned, “Ugh! God, I can’t believe you! I’m trying to tell you something-!”
“Then just spit it out-!”
“I’m Bisexual!” She yelled, matching the sound of the thunder above them.
He was taken aback by her confession, his face free of any anger or taunting but full of shock.
She sighed and buried her face in her hands, going on to explain everything. How her parents reacted, how she was sent away, what happened with The Sister’s, how her time overlapped with Cheryl’s, why she avoided everyone, just everything, all of it leading up to the moment Toni and Fangs caught her at the club.
They were both soaked to the bone. Sweet Pea grabbed her and carefully drove them back to his trailer.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked quietly after giving her a change of dry and warm clothes.
“I’m telling you now!” She was still angry, but he didn’t want that anymore.
“Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“I didn’t trust you before. I didn’t trust anyone,” She muttered, looking down at the sleeve she was playing with.
“Why now?”
“Because...”
“Just because?”
She huffed, “Look, Cheryl convinced me. Told me you weren’t going to shun me or get mad or tell my parents or something...” She trailed off towards the end.
“And you thought I would’ve before?” He was only a little hurt. They hadn’t actually been together long, but to him, three months felt like a really long time.
“No. Maybe. I don’t know. I didn’t think my parents were going to ship me off to gay conversion camp against my will, but shit happens.”
He chuckled.
“What?”
“Nothing, you just never swore before today. I like it. It feels real.”
[Y/N] smiled, maybe they still had a shot, maybe she didn’t blow it just yet
***
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