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#Harper row
incorrectbatfam · 1 hour
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Who would use the Gotham grape 3 in 1 after patrol?
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Gotham Grape: Damian, Bruce
Spidey Power Punch: Duke, Carrie, Bette
Iron Man: Jason, Cullen, Stephanie, Cassandra, Barbara, Harper, Kate, Helena, Luke, Alfred, Selina
Bluey: Dick
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vodrae · 5 months
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Rich pregnant socialite: So we went to this clinic and let them manipulate our genes so we're 100% sure our child won't have any disease, he will have my hair and his father eyes and so much things we did for him! And you Bruce ?
Brucie: Found em in the trash. Except Tim, he found me in the trash.
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yesiknowimshort · 1 year
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to keep up appearances, bruce asked the batkids to find reasons to excuse their various bumps and bruises:
dick was easy. gymnastics and acrobatics run deep within his veins and it’s always his “party trick”, so they just let the public come up with an answer themselves.
jason, mysterious as he is, never addressed his bumps and bruises. the public have settled on underground cage fighting.
tim’s was skateboarding and being “himself”. tim knows how he appears to the public, and as much as it pains his ego for people to see him in such a way, clumsiness fit his charming, dorky, public persona.
damian needs no excuse as he is a ‘rambunctious little ankle biter’, so bruce just lets damian straight up tell people shit like “i was engaged in battle with a duel wielding madman” and then says “kids and their wild imaginations, amiright?”.
steph insisted on fencing even though bruce argued that she would not realistically get many black eyes from fencing. she just tells people she’s very bad at it.
cass’ are from ballet duets.
duke just says “there was a spider” with no further context.
harper’s go to line is “you should see the other guy”.
and bruce is basically barbie so he comes up with a new sport each time he’s asked. and people believe it every goddamn time without question; because what else would a billionaire do with their time other than unicycle hockey and chess boxing?
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hehether · 6 days
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Power of rainbow 🌈
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monnashi · 10 months
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Protectors and knight
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reineydraws · 1 year
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🌇 dinner atop a skyscraper 🌆
(bruce and luke both spotted the drone babs sent up to take a photo of them haha)
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thedevilundercover · 3 months
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the bat kids should have a very fucked up trivia game that they’ve made up but it’s just photos of various wounds and they have to guess what caused it
Someone started it as a way to learn all the types of wounds that happen bc of each weapon with some Flash Cards From Hell but since then they’ve made an actual game
they play it every game night and Tim is very smug about his streak of three fucking years and everyone else thinks that he’s either a psychopath or just very into weapons. Jason wants to beat him up either way
every time they start playing Bruce starts shaking his head tiredly bc of the bat kids’ bullshit. (He’s a fucking hypocrite, he’s done shit just as fucked up. Karma’s a bitch, Bruce)
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waterfire1848 · 1 year
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[ The Batfamily out at a stand up comedy event in Metropolis. ]
Comedian: Where are you all from?
Bruce: Gotham.
Comedian: I’m sorry.
Bruce, a little louder: Gotham.
Comedian: No, I heard. I’m just sorry.
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graypark214 · 1 year
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incorrectbatfam · 1 month
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How small must the world be for both Bruce and Tim to witness John and Mary Grayson's deaths
Or for 10-year-old Duke to crack the Riddler's puzzle before Batman swoops in and saves the day, long before his powers came into play
Or for Sheila Haywood to leave her son only to end up assisting his killer a decade and a half later
Not to mention the popular fanon concept of Jason knowing baby Damian in the League of Assassins
Now imagine how many other invisible strings could've tied them together
Like what if Tim and Jason went to the same school when Jason was Robin but all they shared was the occasional bump and "excuse me" in the busy halls
Or what if Babs was a tutor and helped an elementary-aged Steph finally understand her homework only for the Browns to cancel after a couple sessions because they couldn't afford it
What if the first person to buy Cass a hot meal was Kate on one of her travels
What if Alfred witnessed young Selina shoplifting groceries but chose to turn a blind eye
What if Jason lived on the same streets as the Row siblings and gave little Harper tips on how to use tools and defend her brother
What if Steph and Duke shared the same school bus, only he sat in the front while she was toward the back
What if the first person to teach Tim how to tie his shoes was Bruce at a gala because Jack and Janet were busy talking to someone important
What if Bette did a DNA test for fun and found a connection in Nanda Parbat but just assumed the results was faulty because she knew her whole family, right?
What if 8-year-old Dick, the day before his parents died, stayed at a cheap hotel near Crime Alley and found 4-year-old Jason wandering alone and said, "I'll be your big brother for tonight"
What if the universe knew they were made for each other and wouldn't rest until they realized it too
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antygabo14 · 1 year
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Batfamily portrait
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What if This, but like, Batfam?
Bruce runs a free non profit charity truck stop to feed the hungry and homeless and then all of a sudden there are these kids who are looking to help the community and want to make the world better despite having nothing and shit. Guess he’s a father now.
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celaenaeiln · 8 months
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headcanon
The batfamily - Dick, Bruce, Jason, Tim, Damian, Steph, Duke, Cass, and Harper - knee deep in mud all tired, filthy, sweaty, and super mad, digging up the front yard because Jason buried the body of a mob lord in front of wayne manor years ago to piss off bruce but forgot where he buried it and now the city wants to pipeline maintenance work there.
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vodrae · 12 days
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I love the running joke of the Batkids getting a new sibling everytime they're out of town.
But imagine Damian or Duke, you are an only child and suddendly your closest circle goes from 1 or 2 people to ELEVEN (according to wikis)
Baby Damian, fed stories about his batdad all his life, you know he lives with his butler and that kid in bight colors.
AND THEN
"Everyone, this is my and Talia's son, you know we were married. Damian, this is Dick, Barbara, Helena,Jason, Tim, Stephanie, Cassandra, she's mute, Harper, my cousin Kate, and you already met Alfred."
First of all, you're pretty sure you have already met the biggest with the red hoodie, and second, WTF ?
In addition, their SO are dying to meet you and then Bruce has the audacity to die and leaves you with the gymnast. Time to adopt a turkey.
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yuriinadress · 11 months
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DC Pride 2023 #1 pin-up by Brandt & Stein - "Youth Center"
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dcxdpdabbles · 10 months
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Alfred's Boy Part 3
Bruce rarely had a full night's rest. In fact, he thinks that it's been a full two years since he last had more than eight hours of consistent slumber. Unlike Tim, who just forgo the recommended sleeping amount, Bruce found time to take naps throughout the day because, as much as he hates to admit it, he's not as young as he used to be.
This is why Bruce is rather displeased to be awoken when he finds himself with a chance to have a full night's rest. It felt like he barely closed his eyes at the tender time of nine o clock pm- with no cases waiting for him, his children agreeing to take his patrols, and the wonderful tea that Danny had poured him to help with backpain-he thought nothing would ruin it.
He forgot he had children for a moment.
At three in the morning, he woke to Tim, half in his Red Robin uniform, crouching like a cat about to leap, his unmasked face staring a few inches away from Bruce's nose. It took everything in Bruce to not react on instinct and take a swing at his son.
He only just bites back the scream by sheer willpower. His son doesn't seem to notice his heart trying to leap out of his chest as the boy leans back, sitting on the pillow Bruce likes to use to build a protective wall against the other side of the floor.
Tim's voice was raspy with sleep and maybe even hints of madness. "Oh good, you're awake. I have an emergency."
"Wha?" Bruce asks, half unsure if he is hallucinating. "What's wrong."
"Danny found his photo album."
"Danny has a photo album?"
"Yes. I made it. I took all the pictures."
"Okay? Why is that bad, chum? Was it supposed to be a surprise present for him?"
Tim tilts his head, his somewhat unfocused eyes staring at Bruce, and for one moment, he wonders if Tim got a concussion out in the field. He disregards the idea a moment later. Alfred would have notified him, and if not, Danny wouldn't allow Tim to wander alone.
Bruce could still remember Duke's wide eye awe as Danny followed him around when he got hit a little too hard a few weeks ago. The butler in training had even slept in his room- on the floor on an air mattress- and Duke had looked mortified and smug for as long as it took to get over his injury.
Alfred had to make it very clear no one was allowed to deliberately get a concussion to his other love-struck children.
Tim's nose wrinkles as a slight blush appears on his high cheeks. "No. He didn't know I was taking pictures of him. That's why it's bad he found the album. "
Bruce closes his eyes. He loves his son, he really does, but he can't handle this right now. He takes a few blissful seconds to pretend he never became a single dad of nine before he pushes his eyelids apart to give one of his middle children a firm scolding. "Tim, chum, the light of my life, that's a crime."
"It's not! I didn't follow him around outside the manor." Tim argues.
Bruce reaches a hand up to rub the space between his eyes. "Tim, you can't just take pictures of people without asking them."
"Why not? I've done it before. To you, Dick, Jason, Steph, Alfred, Damian, Harper, Cullen, Duke, and Cass, but she usually catches me and poses so it doesn't get her in her authentic state of being like I usually want to get but-" Tim says, counting the people on his figures before he seems to realize that he was sidetracked and shakes his head. He gives Bruce a pitiful pout. "He doesn't even mind. He said they were lovely and artistic!"
Of course, Danny wouldn't even blink at a creepy photo album of himself hidden in one of his employer's rooms. That boy didn't care that he found the Batcave while dusting, so taking everything in stride was a default.
"Tim, it's still not okay. You have to ask him from now on if you can take pictures." He holds up a hand when Tim opens his mouth to no doubt argue. "You can ask him if you can take pictures of him throughout the day to capture his authentic side without it being a crime. Now explain what the emergency really is."
Tim's teeth snapped close with a snap. "That was the emergency. He found it, and now I have to leave the country. Go underground for a few months. Maybe fake my death."
"You literally don't have to do any of that. Danny said it was okay right? He isn't one to sugarcoat things. He wouldn't claim it was fine if he didn't feel that way."
"No, Bruce, you don't understand. He already thinks I can't swim. Now he finds a book of him covered in hearts? Tim Drake needs to die." Tim says, dragging his hands down his face, and Bruce flips the covers back.
Gesturing to them, he deadpans. "Tim Drake needs to sleep."
"But my fake death needs to be planned-"
"Cullen and Harper get back tomorrow. Do you want to stress Danny more by adding your fake death to this?" Bruce watches the moment his argument wins because it's as if all fight leaves Tim's body, and his son slumps to the side. His head falls on a pillow, and he's already fast asleep.
He had been running on fumes again, it seemed.
Sighing, Bruce man hands his son into a more comfortable position, unclips his cape, and tucks the blankets around his son's shoulders. He settles back into his side of his bed- Ever since Dick came to live with him, Bruce had, over the years, claimed the right side of the bed so the left would always be open for any of his children suffering from nightmares.
He closes his eyes; Tim's peaceful face snuggling into Bruce's softest pillow reminded him why he became a single father of nine. His heart swells with love as he gives back into sleep's warm arms.
A few seconds later, his door is kicked open by Harper. She puts all her lungs into her greeting. "What's up, Old man! Who's the new kid!?"
Bruce glances at his clock and realizes it's now eight in the morning. Harper and Cullen had arrived hours earlier than planned- probably because Harper had refused to sleep and completed the drive home. He looks at Tim and finds his son curled into a ball, still dead to the world.
"That's Danny," He says in a hushed voice, gesturing to her adoptive brother. When Harper sees Tim, she visibly quiets, ensuring her heavy metal boots don't stomp on the ground as she walks over to him. "He's Alfred's foster son. He was removed from his last home because his parents were dangerous to his safety. Alfred will house him as a favor for his old contact. The contact code name is Clockwork. Danny talks about him a lot so you may hear that name for a while."
"Whoa. " She says, sobering up. Bruce can see memories of her birth father playing behind her eyes as she frowns. "That's shitty. Poor guy, no wonder he seemed sad to the bone."
"You met him?"
"Yeah, he jumped Cullen and me in the main hallway."
Bruce's mind buffers for a second. "What?"
"I know! The dude has skill, but it makes sense if he is Alfred's. He thought we were breaking in and took us out before I realized we were in danger. Once he got a good look at our faces, though, he practically threw up apologizing." She pauses. "Is he straight?"
No. Bruce thinks feeling cold, not another one.
"I believe he's bi. Why?"
Harper shrugs, smiling. "I think Cullen may have a crush on him. I was iffy about it since I thought he was another of your kids. You technically aren't our dad since I'm still Cullen's guardian, but you let us live here for free, so you like a dad? Glad it's not an issue."
Bruce wants to cry. What was it with Danny and seducing his children (in the eyes of the law or not, Cullen is Bruce's boy)? "There may be an issue. See, Danny has a few admires right now and he's- "
"That sounds like your issue, not a Cullen issue," Harper says, narrowing her eyes. Bruce winces when he notices her arms crossing over her chest as when firmly plants her feet a few inches apart. She only stands like that when she's protective of Cullen, which means she finds his comment offensive.
"I'm not saying Cullen doesn't have a chance." Bruce corrects realizing where the issue was. Harper's arms loosen slightly. "I just meant that right now, Danny isn't in the right mental state to be dating."
Harper's arms drop. "Yeah, I wasn't interested in dating after I became emancipated, either. Had a lot going on. I'll talk to Cullen about it. Make sure he gives Danny space."
Finally, one of his kids is on his side! "Thank you, Harper."
She waves a hand dismissively. "Don't mention it. Hey, how did Clockwork and Alfred meet anyway?"
Bruce shrugs. "I never asked."
"Why?"
"It's Alfred. " He says like that is an explanation enough, and it is. Harper accepts it as such, nodding along. She tilts her head back and mentions wanting to shower, then take a long nap. She leaves the room as silent as a shadow, but not before telling him Danny and Cullen are making pancakes for everyone.
Bruce doesn't want to get up, but he must be the period romance villain and rip his son away from the staff. He slips out of bed with great effort and prepares for the day. A quick bathroom break, and a change into a casual suit, lead to Bruce walking down to the kitchen.
There he spots Danny smiling gently at Cullen, who is in an excited rant about his latest reality tv show. Around them is a spread of breakfast foods- Danny always cooks the food of various cultural backgrounds. He apparently learned from Clockwork and found it important everyone had at least one piece of home per meal.
It's heartwarming domestic. Bruce needs to ruin it.
"How did Alfred and Clockwork meet?" Cullen asks, stopping Bruce from dramatically bursting into the room. It's mostly because he has been wondering the same thing for weeks, and Danny seems to know.
"Alfred got haunted when he picked up Clockwork's pocket watch in an antique store," Danny responds.
That answer didn't explain anything. In fact, it just created more questions. Bruce wants to wait a little more, see if Danny adds more information, but he watches as the bulter in training places strawberries on heart-shaped pancakes and then drizzles chocolate. He puts the plate in front of Cullen, and the other teenager swoons.
Yeah, Bruce needs to stop that.
"Good morning, boys." He calls, watching the two turn to him. They each give him a greeting, but Danny is noticeably more polite. Danny moves away from Cullen to serve Bruce. He adds blood pudding alongside his Batarang-shaped pancakes as Cullen sulks about losing Danny's attention. Bruce takes a bit of those first, closing his eyes in bliss.
Blood pudding, just like Alfred used to make.
Speaking of Alfred, his loyal butler arrives then. Seems like Bruce wasn't the only one catching up on a night of undisruptive sleep. His oldest friend gives both boys a once over, Danny pouring tea and milk and Cullen staring at him lovingly- and raises a brow, leaning down to whisper in Bruce's ear.
"I say, it seems Danny has collected another one."
"Please don't."
"Denial will not make it less true. It's how I wound up haunted."
"Alfred, what does that mean?"
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