#I feel like like nothing like this happens here. If it does its usually resolved in a few days but this is the third day or something?

[misc-obeyme]

more kitchen barb thots

playing music while mc and barbatos are cooking, each doing their own tasks. mc starts swaying their hips to the music- knowingly or not, but its enough to distract barb once he notices and he cant help but continuing to glance over bc the movements are just so captivating he cant help but watch despite all his usual self control. muscle memory has to take over for his task to continue but eventually even that falters (hopefully not while hes chopping stuff lmao) but mc hears the change in rhythm/slight clattering of the bowl and obvs has to check if their cooking buddy is ok!! and barbatos barely manages not to stutter as he assures them hes fine, just a bit distracted because of an "upcoming event" or some other excuse but hes got a pink tint to his cheeks from nearly getting caught staring.

at this point mc can either be oblivious to the reality and just reach out to give a gentle reassuring arm squeeze and a reminder that theyre 'always here if you need anything, we can take a break to decompress for a few minutes :) ' or theyre wise abt it and decide to tease the poor butler and go up to him, turn him to face them and put a hand to his forehead ""checking for a fever"" (pressing their chest into his at the same time ;) ). pull him away from the busy counter and dote on him worried 'but barb your face is so warm! i dont want my favorite demon getting sick :( especially since you look so cute with a blush it would be so unfortunate if the cause was you not feeling well' but internally theyre all >:3 lets see what it takes for his resolve to crack

i feel like the moment you catch him off guard with this kinda thing if you just keep up the "innocent/unaware" flirt teasing it would make it more and more difficult for him to pull it back together. but if he gets that moment then he'll start teasing back. this may be ooc rip and it got Way long but scenarios are fun lol

-🥐

Oh welcome back, 🥐 anon!

One of my favorite things about Barb is the way he teases. However, I also think it's fantastic when the tables are turned and he's the one who's flustered.

The thing about this guy is that he isn't easily flustered, but if there is anyone who can accomplish it without even noticing, it's absolutely MC. I have actually written scenes (though I think they later got scrapped) where Barbatos straight up cuts himself while chopping vegetables because of something MC did or said. So not like him! But that's the point! MC makes him do things he wouldn't normally do. And he can either lean into it or try to resist it and I think you end up with different scenarios depending on which way he decides to go.

MC's reaction certainly matters, too. If they're oblivious, I think Barbatos could safely pretend nothing happened and move on, but I also think he could be the one who teases MC and gets them all flustered.

But a wise MC who's all I'm just trying to make sure you're okay! Listen. I very much think that Barbatos would have a hard time controlling himself at that point. Even if he knows that MC is doing it on purpose. Maybe even more if he knows.

The best thing about Barb is that I feel like I can write him being a real troublemaker where he just messes with MC a lot, but I can also write him being the one who is easily flustered. Like yeah he's got that rigid facade, but you can say beneath it there is a man who is fully aware of what he's doing and deliberately does things just to get a reaction out of MC. Or you could say that beneath it is a suppressed man that gets blushy when you start to tease him. However, I do think either way he'd eventually give in because MC is the only person for whom he is lenient about anything ever.

MC might tease him and fluster him and get him all riled up, but as soon as he realizes what's going on, he starts playing into it. I think he'd use the whole situation to his advantage. Especially if he's like yes let's take a break because secretly he wants to get naughty but he doesn't want to mess up the kitchen lol.

#you could go either way and I like both options #but my favorite thing is always Barb losing control #obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me barbatos #🥐 anon #misc answers

[octoshott]

So. Side Order, huh?

I've been chewing on my thoughts over this for a good few days now. Want to spit them out somewhere. Vague-ish spoilers ahead.

I want to preface this with saying that I love Splatoon, I've been playing it since 1, really dropped off near the end of 2. Nintendo made Octo Expansion for me, they released it on my birthday and I love it so fucking much.

Side Order is fun, but lacking criminally in content.

You can argue Roguelites are like this in general, its the core princible to replay them over and over again and as someone who enjoys Roguelites, I agree!

However, a key thing that good roguelites do is continously give you a reason to keep playing- whether that be addictive gameplay or, usually, good story and lacing that in with difficulty that becomes the players goal to lessen- It rewards the player for being curious, experimental and above all else persistant.

I am fully aware that difficulty, due to Splatoon's target audience, in something like a roguelite was never going to be an easy thing to balance let alone pull off but having the main plot resolve itself once you hit the top of the tower was, in my opinion, the first of its blunders.

I feel as if the Splatoon developers know how much the lore and worldbuilding of these games matter to players. Side Order was advertised in very similar veins to Octo Expansion. The trailers had mystery and intrigue with clear connections to the well recieved and loved Octo Expansion to the point of having the same protagonist among other simularities.

They were clearly teasing this to be a successor of SOME capacity to Octo Expansion. And even as I went into this expecting it to be nothing like OE in terms of it's personal weight, I wasn't expecting something so short.

Classically, in roguelites that focus on story, you would gain story beats the more you replay. And techincally you gain this with the keys gathered from each fully cleared palette. But usually your story rewards in roguelites come from clearing or attempting runs and rewards:

With Side Order's story being resolved the MOMENT you step onto floor 30 with no real context unless you've intentionally avoided the top or have genuinely been slowed by its difficult (which I assume is what the devs intended) makes it's climax feel fast paced and lackluster- undeserved, even.

And, yes, I am fully aware that when you climb the tower agani after the credits role, you begin gain more lore about whats going on. But with the actual, main threat neutralized in every possible way it feels as if this lore should've been offered to us much sooner and much more spread out for a better pay off.

It's story feels like its being told out of order and, in my personal opinion, the themes and actual telling methods of Side Order we're a largely missed opportunity to tell something a bit more indepth. Climbing a tower that gives you essentially nothing until you reach floor 30 (which in my experience takes about 35-40 minutes) only to recieve about two scentences of lore is incredibly tiring and feels dissastifying when the main plot is already over.

It's lack of variation in level design, tasks and chips doesn't help with the climb each time if you're looking for the lore or just to 100% either. And you can argue this is a roguelite problem, but Splatoon's scenario's for a tower climb are pitifully small and you will start to seem repeat almost immediatly on your second or third run.

I also feel like it relies far too heavily on the player knowing and caring about Octo Expansion. I'm not saying that I think it was a bad idea to have most of what's going on in Side Order happening because of Octo Expansion's events. Hell, I was happy when they were very blatently showing this early on.

But it does very little with its ties to Octo Expansion, making Side Order feel like its constantly struggling to be its own thing away from the original DLC.

I think I can almost see what they wanted to go for here, and its frustrating, it felt close to something at least telling a decent story.

Every single little beat I've gotten has helped me understand more and more what they were going for, but since the main conflict is already resolved I find it hard to be excited and more frustrated that I wasn't given these during my initial playthrough.

I feel as though the roguelite formula was an interesting idea that they polished the best of their ability and to make work both for casual and experience players- but I think thats where the problem comes in.

With Side Order being the same price as Octo Expansion and offering very little in terms of replayability and most especially for me, story, the whole thing ends up feeling like a muddled mess that would've worked better had the roguelite aspect perhaps been dropped in general for a general tower climb.

Missed opportunies feel like they decorate Side Order in a way that leaves me fairly disappointed.

I think, overall, Side Order is a fun time that can be enjoyed but the way it was implimented into the gameplay formula was largely a mistake, especially coupled with the marketing of this being something more indepth with its story when it's not, and I can absolutely understand why I'm seeing a lot of disappointment for it.

#splatoon #splatoon 3 #splatoon side order #side order #splatoon spoilers #side order spoilers #i just wanted to spit my thoughts out somewhere #i could've gone more into my grievances with the plot but i wanted to generalize this and its already too long #but i definitely feel mismarketed too #i say this as someone whos enjoying it despite its lack of content #i am DEFINITELY let down in terms of what they seemed to be implying in trailers #and if you enjoy side order thats fine all the more power to you #salutes #scrolls.txt

[veliseraptor]

I don't know what hopepunk is and at this point I'm too afraid to ask

well anon, part of your problem here is that hopepunk is in a lot of ways a meaningless descriptor that means whatever people want it to mean.

took a bit of digging but I found the post that broke down a lot of my issues with hopepunk as a concept/subgenre, here; to quote from that:

You may notice that the philosophy is incoherent, mainly boiling down to “the things I like are hopepunk and the things I don’t like aren’t.” It builds a philosophy out of opposition to a strawman of “grimdark” that doesn’t really exist. So hopepunk means you keep fighting for what you believe in regardless of what that is, and violence isn’t the answer, except when it is. Hopepunk is about being kind and soft but also about punching the bad guy with the gun. Hopepunk is a morass of FEELING REALLY STRONGLY ABOUT THINGS!!! without a fundamental core of… anything concrete.

[...]

Hopepunk in practice is unbearably twee.  The goal is to be to inspire a feeling of hope in the reader, which means that nothing bad is allowed to really happen, characters aren’t ever allowed to mess up or be mean or have flaws, and any mistake is well-intentioned and quickly & easily resolved by talking about your feelings.

and I could just leave it at that because, like I said, pretty good summation of my perspective, but sometimes an ask hits me at the exact right time for me to go off about something that consistently irritates me but I usually keep my mouth shut about for one reason or another.

and I feel like the first thing I want to say is. look. it's not like I'm out here going "hope is for losers and all I ever want is tragic stories where everything is awful forever." but the thing about hopepunk, at least in the ways I see it described, is that, in its dedication to be "the opposite of grimdark," shies away from representing darkness at all, except maybe in the most cursory, glancing ways. there's nothing to confront, nothing to push back against. villains are easily identified and unproblematically evil. protagonists are unimpeachably nice and good, and always have perfect politics. moral complexity is to be avoided, because raising too many questions might interrupt the positive feelings the author hopes to evoke.

not only does this create, in my opinion, really dull stories about very uninteresting characters, it also blunts anything the book is trying to say. if you don't want to confront any kind of conflict or struggle in depth then you've kneecapped your ability to talk about the full range of human experience. if the only antagonist you allow is a hollow caricature, then there's only so much room your protagonists have to express strength in opposing them.

the whole framework results in a kind of tepid, anodyne storytelling that expresses meaningless platitudes that the audience is presumed to agree with, often with a side helping of didacticism and "teachable moments." it's weak storytelling.

there's a world in which "hopepunk" is referring to a kind of story that I actually really like; for instance, there's a world in which one could call Malazan: Book of the Fallen "hopepunk." I am tempted to do that, just because I think it would drive people nuts. I think hopepunk wants to be doing something like the line from The Silmarillion that opens the tale of Beren and Luthien: "Among the tales of sorrow and of ruin that come down to us from the darkness of those days there are yet some in which amid weeping there is joy and under the shadow of death light that endures."

but out of a fear of representing anything actually ugly, or possibly making people feel kinda bad about something, or challenging the reader in any way, everything that might have been interesting gets stripped out and what's left is literature that feels like cotton candy: maybe it's sweet, but there's nothing to bite into, and nothing that lingers.

#conversating #anonymous #lise's aggressively bitchy opinions about irrelevant and unimportant matters #lise has opinions #sometimes i read things #hoo boy i think that's been stewing in me for a while

[ellie-s-list]

Light in the Darkness, Finale

I CHANGED THE TITLE USED TO BE CUPID IS SO DUMB

I will definitly most likely write some things to round out the whole story, but right now i really need to get some school work done.

just a lot feels likes its going on, but really nothing is happening and i'm just having a day

TW: PANIC ATTACK, please be advised Anxiety, Overthinking

Chapter Eight-> Meddle About, Chase Atlantic, Week 16

Lyrics: "We only met each other just the other day

But you already got me feeling some type of way."

It was dark in the storage closet you found refuge in, your knees pressed to your chest, face buried in them. Your arms were wrapped around your knees, wrapped so tightly that you couldn't even feel them over the pressure of your knees digging into your forehead.

Tears were streaming in waves down your cheeks, wetting your throat, seeping into your shirt and jeans. Your chest was tight, hurting with every hiccupped breath that left you.

You were panicking, your head being racketed by thoughts. It's as if they were trying to escape, but there was no where to go. The pressure was building, you knew you had to go, but there was no where to go. No where to go for these thoughts to just leave your head, and they were stuck, building with every passing second.

There was no salvation, no end.

How did you get here? Sitting in a storage closet, quietly rocking in place, trying not to break down and ditch class.

It wasn't what happened to you during lunch in between classes, no it was what happened to someone you like. Someone you were interested in, someone who occupied your brain 24/7 when it should be tests.

As usual, you were sitting at a secluded table. You preferred it that way, it was easier for you to pull out homework, or just people watch in silence. You never liked when people ate with you, it made you feel as if you were eating too slow or too fast, never knowing what the other person was thinking. Or if they were thinking at all.

A voice had caught your attention, pulling your eyes away from your phone. It was Abby, greeting her friends with that bright smile of hers. That smile that brough butterflies to your stomach, that smile that could translate into some many feelings that you didn't know how to handle them. That smile that broke your resolve into you confessing to yourself that you did like her, did want to be with her.

Abby was hugging someone, and of course it had to be Owen. His hand was positioned lowly on her back, bordering on her ass. His touch lingered, as if he wanted to do more than hug her. She acted as if she didn't notice.

She probably didn't want to cause a scene. Yeah, it had to be that. Right? They used to date, use to kiss. They probably did everything a couple does, even probably went further than kiss. You never experienced a full relationship. She wouldn't want to teach someone how to kiss for real, or how to make out. She probably didn't want to coach someone through a panic attack over holding hands in the mall.

Abby would go to someone who had more experience, someone who knew what they were doing. Someone who was more stable, who didn't allow anxiety to rule them.

It was as if something that was building just suddenly exploded, tears rolling down your cheeks. You threw your hoodie over your head, putting your things away. You didn't care how people next to you were possibly perceiving you. The weird girl who just started crying out of no where. It was hard to tell people your emotions, hard to open up.

Abandoning your table, you threw your bag over your shoulder. Keeping your head down, you walked quickly to the double doors of the cafeteria. You couldn't hear anything clearly, everything being muffled as pressure started to build in your ears.

Abby and Owen must have gotten back together. They had to have, she wouldn't want you. No one wanted you, they couldn't. You weren't worthy, your weren't good. You were a mess who didn't know how to help themselves, someone who disassociated at minor inconveniences, too tired to do anything more than watch movies on your phone mindlessly.

Pushing through the doors you weaved throughout the hallways. You knew where you were going, knew a place you could hide. You found it the first week of classes, when you were having panic attacks left and right after thinking you saw your ex in almost every face you saw. Brushing past people, you made it to the end of the hallway. There was a gray door, different since it wasn't a class room door. The classroom doors were a dark brown, easily being distinguished. But this door had the label, 'STORAGE', on the sign next to it.

Grasping the door handle you quietly open the door, sliding in, and closing it behind you. You flipped on the light, it flickering with a hum above your head. Throwing your backpack aside you went the back of the room, getting into your fetal position.

It's stupid. Stupid to think that in sixteen weeks, someone could fall in love with you. You've always been alone in a sense, even with your only relationship you felt alone. No one really understood how you felt about concepts, it never clicked. But you thought for sure this time, someone understood you. Something between you and Abby clicked, it was easy. But it was stupid to think that something could have been different with Abby, because it couldn't.

Abby pulled away from Owen, movement out of the corner of her eye catching her attention. It was you, hastily getting up. She watched you beeline towards the door, head down. Your hands were playing with each other, but it looked like you were flicking your fingers against your thumbs. She knew it was something you did to try to calm yourself down, to try to keep yourself from disassociating.

You told Abby you got into therapy, but only seeing your therapist when you went home on Fridays was beginning to be hard for you. You were going once a month, but before it was once to even twice a week to try to help you cope with your world of anxieties. When you were telling her about it, you tried to withdraw, and Abby didn't force you to stay, she waited. She was patient.

"I uh," Abby bit her lip, flashing a look to Nora, "I have to go." She started to take a few steps back to chase after you.

But Owen grabbed her wrist, a little too close to her palms. She flashed him a warning look. Mel wasn't there, but she could be walking in, she could be getting more mad at Abby for something she can't control. Owen was always too touchy, always pushing the limit. She doesn't like him anymore, she stopped a year ago.

"We haven't ate with you in forever," Owen complained. "Always working on that project."

"I've been busy, and I need to fix a few things," Abby stated, her tone biting. She then glared at Owen, "And maybe sometimes I don't want to see you," She yanked her hand away, making her way to the doors. No one called after her, actually Nora started chewing Owen out for how weird he was being. How weird he's been since they broke up. Abby smirked, proud of Nora as she left the cafeteria.

Where would you be? Abby knew you would stay in the building, you had too. You wouldn't miss class, you just couldn't. You've told Abby a lot about your anxiety, even about the little spaces you found to wait out your panic attacks. Is that what you were having now? How would she help you? She's never had to talk someone down from a panic attack, she's never even been around a person who was having a panic attack. Abby just knew she had to find you, had to let you know that anything that you were thinking about wasn't true, wasn't going to happen. That while she was there, there wasn't anything to be afraid of.

There was only one storage closet on this floor, and it was the closest to your lecture room you both had after this hour in between classes. You had to be there, but it was far from the classroom. Abby walked briskly, her legs taking long strides as she gnawed at her bottom lip.

There was something about you. Something that Abby couldn't place, she just had to be around you. Had to hear you laugh, had to know every little thing about you. She liked you, not because you caught her eye the first day of class. No, everyone preferred certain looks on people, but you were different. You were feisty, but kept to yourself. Your inner thoughts were crazy, weird, but it was you. You didn't try to be different in front of her, try to over sell yourself to be a friend. Actually, in a sense you tried to get Abby to stop pursuing you, leaving her on delivered for long periods of time. But Abby was patient, waited for you to start going to her.

She'll be patient, for as long as it takes to get you to understand.

Abby made it, stopping in front of a gray door. She could hear muffled breathing, it was erratic. Her chest ached, yearning to hold you close to her. Hide you from the world that made you think so much, that hurt you so much that you felt like you do everything wrong. The world that hurt your self-esteem. You may have a front that you didn't care, but Abby could see through it. You cared, cared so deeply that it was a pure sense.

Letting out a shaky breath, Abby slowly opened the door.

A muffled sound of a door creaking caused you to flinch, your heartrate impossibly speeding up in your ears. There was nothing to do, not in control of your body, it continued to shake from the continuous stress. Silent sobs wracked you, squeaks leaving you as you held in breaths to try to stop hiccupping.

The person who entered moved quietly, the door shutting softly. Their footsteps were soft, a light patting on the ground as they approached you.

"Hey," The voice was soft. It held so much emotion, almost choking the person who spoke with it. It was Abby, why would Abby be here? She should be with her friends. With Owen. Yet, she was still there, saying your name softly as she stopped in front of you. She crouched, a light touch coming to your wrists that were being gripped tightly together by your hands.

"Hey," She said again. Her voice pierced the fog of pressure in your head so violently it almost made the thoughts stop. Almost.

"Can you move your arms?" As Abby asked her question, she lightly tried to loosen the grip your hands had on each other. But you didn't move, your fingers straining to keep hold of your wrists. Abby tried again, a little more force behind her movement. Your hands gave up, letting go. She guided your arms down to your sides, her movement so soft it could break your heart.

Your body seemed to give up, letting go. You let your legs straighten, fatigued with the effort of keeping them tightly against you. Your head leaned back, mouth slightly open with strangled breaths.

You must have looked like a wreck, your pants soaked with tears. Your neck glistening with tears, face so red it must be comical. Why would Abby stay to help you? She shouldn't. You didn't deserve her. What did you do to deserve her help? Push her away? Be rude to her friends? Well Owen's her boyfriend now so it would just be worse.

"How can I help you?" Abby's voice pierced through the fog again, allowing you to have a rational thought. She wanted to help? How can she help you? How can she stop these thoughts from attacking you? To leave you alone?

"Just make them stop," Your voice sounded raspy, strained. It was as if you were screaming for hours, yet you barely used your voice today. Abby slowly intertwined her fingers with your own, you looking down at your hand. Why would she do that? She didn't have to.

"Hey," Abby whispered. "Look at me," Her other hand gently grabbed your jaw line, guiding your face to look towards her. Your eyes followed, but you stared at her neck, swallowing thickly. "Make what stop?"

Squeezing your eyes shut you huff, "The thoughts." It was hard to say, it felt like you shouldn't have let her know. You couldn't let her know what you were thinking, these were your thoughts. They hurt you and you alone, you shouldn't let people know. They didn't have to care.

"Stop the circle of thoughts," Abby murmured. It seemed to have clicked, the way you were thinking. The reason why you were panicking, the reason why you couldn't escape. If there wasn't a rational thought that was stronger than all of those irrational thoughts, then you couldn't break the cycle. You couldn't escape, your mind wouldn't let you.

Something soft pressed against your lips. It was confusing, shocking. Your shaking stopped as your mind went blank. What was happening? Why were you being kissed? Why was Abby kissing you? Her lips slowly left yours as you opened your eyes. She was blushing, her thumb rubbing against your jawline. She kissed you, she shouldn't have.

"You," The thought left you. There was nothing, the pressure was still behind your eyebrows, but there were no thoughts. Just confusion. Abby didn't meet your eyes, instead looking at your lips. This was a different kiss than the last time she kissed you. The last time she kissed you it was hurried, begging. But this time it was cautious, testing.

"I shouldn't have kissed you," Abby said after a few minutes, after your breath slowed down. The tears had stopped in your confusion as you just stared at her in disbelief. You knew she liked you, she gave you so many hints it was crazy. But you always talked yourself out of it. But here, now, there was nothing for you to use against yourself. Nothing to use against something you already knew to be true.

"I just didn't know what else to do, I didn't know why you were freaking out so I couldn't tell you it was wrong," Abby started rambling, her eyes still not meeting yours.

You squeezed her hand, causing her to stop talking. She looked to you, searching your face as you stared right back at her. She was nervous, chewing her bottom lip. The blush on her face was a beet red, bright underneath the pale light.

"It's okay," You say, voice cracking. To emphasize your statement, you leaned into the hand on your jaw, causing you to cock your head towards her. "I actually dreamed of kissing you," You whisper, feeling heat return to your cheeks. This time out of embarrassment instead of hysterical crying.

Abby seemed relieved, "I've wanted to kiss you since week six."

Blinking rapidly, you pinch your eyebrows together. Week 6? You didn't even fathom talking to her when it was week 6, you barely even knew why you were interested that time. How could she had know about you? And wasn't she with Owen again?

"You're with Owen," You echoed your thoughts, watching her shake her head.

"I used to be with Owen, but that was over a year ago," Abby says, going back to rubbing your jawline with her thumb. "I really want to be with you."

You frowned, biting your bottom lip, "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to know," She squeezed your hand. "Do you know what you feel?"

You did. You wanted to be with her. You wanted her to hold you, to help give you the confidence to face your fears. To help you know that you can fail and make mistakes, that you were still cared for despite your misgivings.

"I want to be with you too," You smile at her, squeezing her hand back. You met her eyes, seeing how her eyes shined at your confession. "I want to kiss you again, to actually kiss you."

Abby leaned in, just a few inches from you. It cause your heart to race, your chest to hurt. It didn't hurt in a bad way, but in anticipation. Like going down a rollercoaster that you loved, or walking into an interview.

"I can give you as many kisses as you want," Abby whispered, looking to your lips than back to your eyes. You licked your lips, nodding slowly.

"For what?"

Abby smiled softly, "Please be my girlfriend. Please let me love you the way you deserve, to help you out of the dark." She gripped your hand hard, as if anchoring you to the world. "Let me be the light you search for in the darkness, let me be the person who's there when you're lost."

It was an easy decision. A compelling argument really, and you nodded, closing the gap between the both of you. Her lips were inviting, soft. They lead yours as you both kissed, allowing you to learn and figure her out.

It was nice, having the light in the darkness found.

WC: 2,895

POSTED ON: 4/24/23

#Guys i changed the title last minute #god i should have wait #but here you go #abby #abby x reader #female reader #anxiety #tlou #tlou 2 #tlou x reader #lesbian reader #lgbt #wlw #fem #reader #love #hurt #angst #pain #sad #e #Spotify

[allzelemonz]

Doodles: Abe X Male Reader

Pronouns: None Mentioned, Reader referred to as ‘man’ Physical Sex: None Mentioned Rating: G/Fluff Warnings: Epilogue-ish, vague time setting, Reader is also a ranch hand, Abe draws, slight misunderstanding/miscommunication but it’s resolved quickly, fluff, you can pry my background/side character from my cold/dead hands Summary: Abe has a bit of a crush on the new ranch hand, so he channels it by drawing.

Abe doesn’t typically get distracted. He works hard and always tries his best. But ever since Mister Geddes introduced you as the new ranch hand, he’s been distracted. You shook his hand and he found himself unable to speak his own name, you smiled at him and his heart doubled its pace, he was smitten from the moment he met your eyes. He feels guilty staring at you. It’s indecent, staring at folks usually is, but he can’t keep himself from it. The way you hold yourself, the way you walk, everything makes a flutter appear in his stomach.

So he draws.

He finds the odd scrap of paper and an old pen and he just sits during his short breaks, eating between covering the pages with images of you. With how often he does it, he’s become pretty good. He started with little things, hardly resembling you. But as he recalls the image of you hauling hay across the ranch, he draws each line with skill.

“Hi, Abe.” You call, walking past him.

He scrambles, holding the paper to his chest as his heart threatens to burst. You’re just passing by, that’s all, just saying hi.

“Hello!” He calls back, getting ahold of himself before you’re too far away

He brings the paper back to rest on his lap, staring down at it with a feeling of nerves. You haven’t come that close to him since you first came to the ranch. What if you caught him drawing, if anyone caught him drawing? He’s gotten to the point where there’s no mistaking who he’s scribbled onto the pages he tucks in with his clothing in a chest by his bed. Would you be disturbed? You might never look at him again.

You might leave the ranch to get away from him.

He crumbles the page into a ball, holding it tight between his hands. His heart has calmed down from the scare and he takes a few deep breaths before he stuffs the paper into his pocket and gets back to work.

The tools need proper care, Abe convinces himself that everything is due for an overhaul of maintenance just so he can stay inside. He doesn’t think that he can handle seeing you again after what happened. He’s not sure what to do with the drawings, but the one resting in his pocket feels like it’s burning a hole in the fabric.

“Hi again, Abe.”

He jumps a little, not having heard you come in. His eyes dart away and he tries to focus on his work.

“You mind sharpening this for me?” You ask, holding out an axe.

He glances between you and the tools he’d been cleaning. “Uh, sure, okay.”

You smile at him when he takes the axe from your hands and he nearly drops it.

“Are you okay, Abe.”

“I’m, uh,” His face flushes, so he turns around quickly. “I’m just fine, partner.”

Abe stands by the sharpening wheel and begins his task, trying not to look at you.

“Do you not like me or something?”

Abe stops stepping on the pedal, a bit of panic taking over him. “No, no, no.” He shakes his head and turns to you. “Yer just fine, Mister! It ain’t nothin’ like that.”

You cross your arms and Abe feels the panic increase.

“What’s it like then? Everybody around here gives me the time of day, except you.”

The way you point your finger at him makes his heart sink. “I-I don’t mean nothing by it.”

“You scared of me?”

He shakes his head quickly. “No, sir. I ain’t scared of ya, I just…” He can’t find the right words, he doesn’t even know the right words.

You sigh, shaking your head. “I know I haven’t been here long, but you always seem strange around me. I just want to know why.”

“It, uh, ain’t yer fault, Mister, it’s mine. I, well, I’m a bit of a mess.” Abe says, glancing around and attempting a laugh.

You stare at Abe for a moment. He refuses to look at you, his eyes focus on the axe in his hands, then the wall next to you, then the ceiling, anywhere but you. You’ve been here long enough to know Abe is relatively put together, everyone speaks highly of him. If he’s acting so oddly around you, there must be a reason.

“I think I’ll work with the cattle, finish the wood later.” You say, meeting Abe’s eyes for just a second. “Thanks anyway, Abe.”

Abe tries to form words, but he just stands there, holding the axe with a red face as you leave. He tightens his grip on the axe as he huffs in frustration. He sets down the axe by the wheel and fishes the paper from his pocket. Once he smooths it out, you stare back at him. This version of you has a smile, seemingly welcoming and unbothered. His grip on the paper tightens and he looks up to the lantern on the wall. Before he can change his mind, he grabs the lantern and opens it so he can stick the page inside.

You spend most of the day working with the cattle. The infamous bull is especially moody every time you go near him, the ladies don’t seem to care about your presence nearly as much. When you do everything you can there you go back to retrieve the axe and continue your wood chopping. Abe isn’t there anymore, so you carry on and find the axe among the other tools. As you walk, you feel your foot hit something. You look down to see a lantern on the ground, the flame snuffed. Under your foot is a half-burned piece of paper. You pick them both up, placing the lantern back on the wall and lighting it again. The paper is blank on one side, so you turn it over. It’s a drawing, a pretty good drawing of you. The eyes are even, the nose matches yours, every detail is perfect as if someone spent hours pouring over the little sketch.

This is why Abe acts so oddly around you.

He isn’t particularly jumpy, but his nerves are on edge today. He drops the bucket he’s carrying when you say his name. When he turns, you’re looking down at a piece of paper. He scrambles when he realizes what it is, trying to explain himself, but no coherent words come out and you stop him.

“I like it.”

Is all you say and Abe blinks as if he can’t see properly.

“Ya do?”

You nod. “It looks like you worked hard on it.”

Abe's heart beats heavily against his chest and his mouth goes dry, only having the sense to nod in confirmation.

“Is this why I never see you, you’re too busy drawing me?”

You say it with a smile that eases Abe’s nerves but makes his stomach flip.

“Not all the time, just when I got nothin’ else ta do.” He fidgets with his hands as he smiles at the reality of you liking his drawing.

“Why me?”

Abe glances back up to you. Your face is kind, a soft smile present, and your focus is on the paper. He looks back at his hands, searching for an answer. He knows why, but he’s not sure he can say it out loud.

“You sweet on me or something?” You ask.

Abe’s face flushes as his eyes dart up to you for just a second. He attempts a laugh to make it seem less awkward, but it comes out as a rhythmic exhale that only he can hear.

“It’s alright if you are.” You say, stepping towards him. “I wouldn’t mind.”

Abe looks up when you hand the drawing back to him. He takes it in his hands for a moment before giving it back to you. “I want ya ta have it.”

You hold your hands over his as you reach for the paper. Abe steps closer, his eyes meeting yours when you’re only an inch away from one another. He leans in, pressing your lips together. It lasts for only a second, just a ghost of a kiss, but it’s still enough to make both of your hearts speed up.

#red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #red dead redemption x male reader #red dead redemption x reader #rdr2 abe #rdr2 abe x reader #rdr2 abe x male reader #rdr2 epilouge #pronghorn ranch #x reader #x male reader

[nirikeehan]

The Black Company Writing Prompts

All taken from lines of The Black Company by Glen Cook. (Feel free to switch up genders and fill in [X]s when prompting.)

This version is rebloggable! Feel free to use for your own prompt lists.

[X] is misery curdled, but also ancient and intriguing. Its history is a bottomless well filled with murky water. I amuse myself plumbing its shadowy depths, trying to isolate fact from fiction, legend, and myth.

His manner was not that of a street beggar, yet he looked like a lot of bad road.

“Care to illuminate what just happened?” “No.”

Those men whose stories I have uprooted are running from the law, not a tragic love affair.

I wish I could look inside them and unmask the darks and brights that move them. Then I take a quick look into the jungle of my own soul and thank heaven that I cannot. Any man who barely sustains an armistice with himself has no business poking around in an alien soul.

The cursing and weeping resolved into a scene fit to disgust anyone tainted with humanity.

War is a cruel business prosecuted by cruel men. The gods know [X] are no cherubim. But there are limits.

Whatever the upheaval in his life, it had left him living entirely in the present. He was compelled by the past and oblivious to the future.

“It’s a persuasive sort of nonsense. It hangs together in a certain elegant illusion of hope.”

These people said they were the good guys, fighting for the right, liberty, and the dignity of the human spirit, but in method they were no better than [X]. 

He exuded something that made me feel the way an arachnophobe might if you dropped a big hairy spider into his lap.

You know them better than kin. You had fought side by side for years. Not all of them were friends, but they were family. The only family you had.

He says he does not believe in history.

A dead soul now, maybe. He can make a man shudder with a glance. He exudes a stench of the grave.

Lately his mission in life has been to disapprove.

The planted rumor. The small frame. The touch of bribery or blackmail. Those are the best weapons. We opt for battle only when we have our opponents mousetrapped. At least ideally.

When you have the smaller battalions you learn guile.

He is fighting for everything men claim to honor: freedom, independence, truth, the right.… All the subjective illusions, all the eternal trigger-words. 

We are minions of the villain of the piece. We confess the illusion and deny the substance.

There are no self-proclaimed villains, only regiments of self-proclaimed saints. Victorious historians rule where good or evil lies.

“When is [X] going to show?” “When he gets here.”

Two blind armies, able to see nothing but one another.

Someday that great stone face is going to break. I hope I am there to see it.

I gathered we were going to unleash the dark side of human nature.

Something unusual was in the wind. Those in the know found it delicious. Though I could not guess what it was, I knew it would be slick and nasty.

The world needs places where men of all stripes and stations can step outside the usual strictures.

That went on for hours at a time, the movement of whetstone across steel sending chills down my spine. It was an omen.

I do not like alleys. I especially do not like them in cities like [X], where they harbor every evil known to man, and probably a few still undiscovered.

“Only a conqueror bothers to honor a fallen foe.”

I have hung armor plate over my moral soft spots.

They are complete barbarians, living out their cruelest fantasies, their behavior tempered only by the presence of a few decent men.

When you slice through the fog, you find that these two are friends.

The difference between him and the rest of us is that he is a little more of everything, a little bigger than life.

His moral agonies have become our moral agonies. His silent refusal to howl and beat his breast in adversity is ours as well. We prefer to speak with the metallic voice of our arms.

[X] has that knack, that energy, that impact of personality, to make men, more dangerous than he, shudder in his cold dark wind.

“Make it stop looking at me. Make it stop. I’ve been good. Make it go away.”

Sometimes my interest scares me. It gets close to becoming an obsession.

I had tipped the lid off a little box, just to see what was inside, and had found it filled with nastiness. The things I had read could not be unlearned.

Had I been less exhausted I might have jumped ten feet, screaming.

The softer, the more gentle he became, the more I felt I had to fear.

“Thanks. For a while I felt human again.”

A man cannot survive on hatred alone. Would he bother trying to survive what was coming?

I was scared. A man thinking that way could get a little flashy, a little dangerous to those around him.

“Don’t be so optimistic,” he said sarcastically. I shivered uncontrollably.

How many details will be lost in the oral histories I will have to collect after the fact? How many men will fall without their deaths being observed at all?

I am haunted by the clear knowledge that, in the end, evil always triumphs.

“The unwritten law of all armies. The lower ranks have the privilege of questioning the sanity and competence of their commanders. It’s the mortar holding an army together.”

The stars came out. They stared down with mockery in their twinkles, saying all our sweat and blood really had no meaning in the long eye of time. Nothing we did would be recalled a thousand years from now.

Her thoughts are delightfully straightforward, a refreshing contrast in a world filled with devious, prevaricating, unpredictable, scheming people.

No one will sing songs in our memory. … We are our only mourners.

I was almost neurotically anxious that some men had been lost and would be forgotten.

He could become the shadow in the darkness that all men fear, taking them one at a time, leaving only mangled remains to fill the living with terror. I envied him even while I loathed him.

“I’m not much on prophecies. They sound too much like superstition. But this makes me nervous.”

“Dream us a victory,” he suggested.

Part of winning is a downdeep certainty that, no matter how bad things look, a road to victory will open.

Sometimes you lie to yourself just to keep going.

My giggles became crazy laughter.

Soldiers defeated always overestimate the strength of their foe. That soothes egos suspecting their own inferiority.

The great comet is in the sky, that evil harbinger of all great shifts of fortune.

We are retreating still, toward our final appointment with Destiny.

My war was over and lost. All I wanted to do was run.

“Evil is relative. You can’t hang a sign on it. You can’t touch it or taste it or cut it with a sword. Evil depends on where you are standing, pointing your indicting finger.”

There are the physically dead and the morally dead. My comrades were among the latter.

I am not religious. I cannot conceive of gods who would give a damn about humanity’s frothy carryings-on. I mean, logically, beings of that order just wouldn’t.

But maybe there is a force for greater good, created by our unconscious minds conjoined, that becomes an independent power greater than the sum of its parts. Maybe, being a mindthing, it is not time-bound. Maybe it can see everywhere and everywhen and move pawns so that what seems to be today’s victory becomes the cornerstone of tomorrow’s defeat.

Characters like me don’t become prophets. Especially not from the wrong side.

#writing prompts

[harborpointeblvd]

I’m starting over on my rec list

I ended up dropping some of the comics I’ve recommended before, so I’m only going to recommend completed stories from now on.

A Shoulder to Cry On (Dongmul)

When Dayeol is framed for assault by Taehyun, he nearly loses his archery scholarship. But instead of feeling the least bit remorseful for nearly ruining Dayeol’s life, Taehyun starts to torment Dayeol even further.

I can’t tell you how much I hated Taehyun in the beginning of this story, but by the end, my heart belonged to him. I usually don’t like assholes with sad backstories as love interests, but Taehyun is the exception.

Trigger warning for self-harm.

Official English translation available on Lezhin.

.

Fools (Yeongha)

Shounen Ai - After overhearing a fight that new student Jeongwoo had with his boyfriend, college senior Eungi finds himself becoming increasingly confused about his feelings toward Jeongwoo. Jeongwoo, meanwhile, fresh out of a long and rocky relationship, isn’t ready to act on his feelings toward Eungi. Commence awkward not-dates.

This is the most relatable depiction of the uncomfortable early stages of a romance that I’ve ever seen. It also shows how trauma from past toxic relationships can affect new, healthy ones. But it’s never too heavy-handed about it. It’s really funny at times, but also has its fair share of angst.

In the official English translation, their names are Edward and Justin, but I think it’s weird when they do that.

Official English translation removed by author from all official platforms.

.

Heesu in Class 2 (Lily Zuzu)

Shounen Ai - Despite both being big dumb idiots who don’t know anything about relationships, Heesu and his next door neighbor Seung Won agree to help each other out with their respective secret crushes. Little does Heesu know, he is the real subject of Seung Won’s affection.

Heesu’s and Seung Won’s best friends are the best wingmen, and extra points for one of them being a well-written female character. My only complaint is that I wasn’t interested in the second couple at all, but if you tend to like side pairs, you’ll probably like them.

Official English translation available on Lezhin.

.

How to Hate Mate (Reck, Yeongha)

Alternate Title: Hate Mate

Shounen Ai - Two years ago, Subin drunkenly confessed his feelings to his straight roommate, Hyunwoo. After that, Hyunwoo left for his mandatory military service, and Subin hasn’t heard from him since. Just when Subin is finally ready to move on, Hyunwoo reappears and things get complicated.

Listen. Hate Mate hurt me in a big way. Don’t read this if you’re looking for the warm fuzzies, because you will not find them here. I loved this story for its realism. All the characters are seriously flawed, and even though it ended the way I hoped it would, nothing feels fully resolved. This comic will hurt you and skip the aftercare. Anyways, have fun.

The authors announced that they are working on a second season, so I guess this one is technically ongoing. But if I don’t like the new ending, I’ll pretend season 2 didn’t happen.

Official English translation has been removed from Lezhin.

.

Just Kidding (Cho Hyerim)

Alternate Title: A Strange Joke

Shounen Ai - Min Kim is an unremarkable college student who is firmly in the closet. Sijun is a heartthrob who, for reasons Min can’t fathom, has taken a sudden interest in him. As the two grow closer, Min can’t help but wonder if their connection is more than friendship.

This story holds a special place in my heart. It will have you ugly crying in one chapter and ugly laughing in the next. Min and his friends are a bunch of drunken dumbass college students in the best way.

Trigger warning for grooming.

Official English translation available on Pocket Comics.

.

Roommates (Young Seok)

Shounen Ai - Kisub just needs to crash on Jinwoo’s couch for a few days, or months, or forever. Which is a problem, because Jinwoo has secret feelings for Kisub, and they’re bound to come out eventually.

Roommates is just too funny. The art style and story are pretty simple, but it has a lot of funny little details that make it relatable. Jinwoo is affected by the tiniest things that Kisub does, like putting a medication patch on his neck. Oh if he were an icy hot patch against that neck…

The second season is a new story, completely independent from season one. It’s not as light-hearted as the first season, but like it too.

Trigger warning for sexual assault in season 2.

Official English translation available on Tappytoon.

.

Shape of Your Love (Park Nodeok)

Alternate Title: For Your Love

Shounen Ai - Jung Yohan thinks unrequited love is for idiots, but joke’s on him, because he’s the biggest idiot of them all. When Yohan realizes that his upperclassman Moogyeong has feelings for another guy, he makes it his mission to get the pair together. But the more time he spends with Moogyeong, the more he resents Moogyeong’s secret crush.

Yohan is easily the best thing about this manhwa. He has the greatest facial expressions. There is a spinoff involving two side characters from this story, but I haven’t read it and I don’t plan to.

Official English translation available on Pocket Comics.

.

Someone Else’s BL Manhwa (Bbobariee)

Shounen Ai - Loner by day and cross-dresser by night, Kim Seunghee has managed to keep his double life a secret, until he’s caught in drag after a bad date by class president Park Seungtaek and class trouble maker Lee Kyubin. I’m not even gonna spoil who the pairings are, because it’s not immediately apparent.

Seunghee is a bit of a brat, but that’s part of his charm. He’s not for everyone, but he’s my favorite character. All of the characters turn out to be different from how they first seem, which I adore. There is a HUGE portion of the comic dedicated to the side pairing (hence the title) but both the main and side pairings are cute as hell.

This was one of the first BL comics that I read, so there’s a nostalgia factor there for me. I honestly love it too much to be objective about it. Do I love it because it’s good or is it good because I love it?

Official English translation available on Tappytoon.

.

Soulmate (Bing Ke Ran, Wenzhi Lizi)

Shoujo Ai - 27-year-old Yu Qi has been dating Yuan Zi since college, but Yuan Zi’s health has been declining. When Yu Qi wakes up one morning ten years in the past, in her 17-year-old body, she decides to use it as an opportunity to meet Yuan Zi sooner and prevent her illness. Meanwhile, 17-year old Yu Qi wakes up in her present-day body and doesn’t know Yuan Zi.

This is such a sweet story. The girls are so cute together, and I love everything about Yuan Zi. A beautiful romance that will make you believe in soulmates.

Official English translation available on Tapas.

.

Unintentional Love Story (Pibi)

Shounen Ai - Wonyoung is fired from his job after being falsely incriminated in a corruption scandal. By sheer luck, he happens to run into the company chairman’s favorite ceramic artist, Yoon Taejun, who has been living under an alias. He’s told he will likely get his job back if he could convince Taejun to partner with the company. Wonyoung tries to get close to Taejun without revealing that he knows his true identity. What he doesn’t plan on, though, is falling in love with Taejun.

This one is where the DRAMA is at. The story doesn’t ignore the fact that the relationship was built on a lie. It hurts so good.

Official English translation available on Lezhin.

#a shoulder to cry on #fools manhwa #heesu in class 2 #how to hate mate #hate mate #just kidding webcomic #a strange joke webcomic #roommates webcomic #shape of your love #for your love manhwa #someone else's bl manhwa #soulmate manhua #unintentional love story #manhwa recs #webcomic recs #bl recs

[forestshadow-wolf]

I.S.B.T.P.K.F.T.S moments (chapter 2)

fic link written by @tavtarnish.

I want to add something from chapter 1: where soap says he'll give ghost, quote "the military's wet dream of a sergeant"

~ he's gonna do it our of spite. not for himself, but rather for /himself/. he's gonna do it to spite the terribleness that is himself. like 'im a terrible person but maybe its a little less bad bc i maybe did some good'

chapter 1 chapter 2

waking up on the floor

~ honestly... yeah. happens more often than i'd like to admit

him missing some part of his old self, but also not, but also sometimes he does

~ that might not have made sense, but in my head that ^^^ statement is perfectly clear. like I wish I was like my younger self, but at the same time I worked so hard to be at this point so I don't really miss the old me. tho it would be nice not to have the back problems.

him waking up late

~ it's such a normal thing to happen, but at the same time i feel like every time every time I have a bad night, it's just setup for the next day. it happens every time without fail, maybe there is a reason behind that, but im not gonna think too hard about it. anyway from his standpoint the day is going great /sar. like so far he's (1) woken up on the floor, meaning his night was definitely terrible (2) it ruined his neck... so that's fun (3) woken up late. even if it's not too late it messes everything up. I won't be counting anymore of his morning mishaps , I only did this time because these three (3) things most definitely happened withing 1-2 minutes of waking up

automatically foregoing the hair for his teeth (or doing any of his morning routine in general)

~ first thing's first, the way he skips his hair (which is obviously an important part of his character) so he could brush his teeth. he only realizes that it'll be a problem when it's too late. second thing, honestly, as embaressing as it is for me to admit... if this happened to me i'd 100% just going 'woe is me' and end up doing nothing until I absolutely had to get up. so I admire that about him.

the way it's Gaz behind him instead of Ghost's usual presence, and the way he's glad about it

~ it'd be hard to Face ghost so soon after yesterday's interaction, not to mention that night. plus he did commit to making big changes, so why not one more. I mean his routine is already fucked, and he's resolved to be a better Sergent, so why not one more big change. as a person who automatically tries their best to avoid their problems, well honestly it'd be relieving to think that I don't immediately have to face my problem.

Ghost shows up, and gaz and ghost on the topic of his hair

~ of course ghost is here, when one goes the other follows. it's ghost AND soap not OR. anyway, them talking about his hair. probably his most distinguishing feature, that he most definitely takes much pride in. Gaz's statement didn't hurt, it was teasing and friendly but ghost's? yeah that one stung. for one it was /Ghost/ that said it, his best friend, his favorite person, his- his- well it didn't matter who he was to him other than his lieutenant. not only that but literally less than 6 hours ago he decided he'd be a better Sergent, and now Ghost his lieutenant is telling him that he's already failing at that. why can't he get anything right? why is he so bad at what he's supposed to be good at? it's not even that difficult to take care or, it would take two seconds. why couldn't he have just done it?

the general topic of his hair in this chapter

~ I feel like it's kinda a small detail, it's only mentioned a handful of times, and all in passing moments. maybe i'm reading too much into this, but it just feels so important and personal... or maybe it's giving a little insight on how he's feeling, messy, unkept, perhaps a little disastrous.

/that/ feeling coming back because ghost is here, and him refusing to acknowledge it

~ again he doesn't even know why he's feeling it so why bother acknowledging

him refusing to banter with ghost, or to make jokes with him

~ i guess the first step to this whole changing thing was to be on time and look professional (or at least presentable) which he's already messed up. but second would probably be to act professional, especially around your superior. this only works if you don't mess up... so don't mess up. this goes for jokes to deflect as well, so go ahead and scrap those. denying himself something that he wants and enjoys doing... ouch

ghost's confusion at soap's change of character and soap's refusal to see it

~ "what's wrong with soap? why isn't he talking? is he sick? is it the wound? did somebody say something? maybe it's just a bad morning, I mean he /did/ neglect to take care of his hair this morning." why would ghost be confused about me not speaking? if anything he's probably happy i'm not running my mouth. for once im acting my rank. this chapter is HEAVY on those self-esteem issues

gaz being the one to relieve the tension

~ wait- hang on that- that's not right. right? it's soap's job to do that it /was/ soap's job to do that... not anymore. oh... I guess that /is/ Gaz's job now...

soap's desperation to just /tell/ someone about it. all of it. and yet still he hides it.

~ of course he wants to tell someone because who is he if not a nuisance. Wanting to push his problems onto someone else, Wanting to bother other people. And he refuses to tell anyone because, again, that's not what his personality is supposed to be. That's not who /he's/ supposed to be. that want to just spill, to have somebody hear you so it's not just in your head

the way he cannot stand to be around anybody, but swallows his discomfort

~ it's all just too much, too much, too much. he wants to leave, he needs to get out of here. he can't breath. he's gonna be sick. but he can't. it's not what johnny would have done, johnny would be ecstatic to be around gaz and ghost. soap maybe would have, if he was nothing but a name, no personality, where disapproval didn't matter to him; but he isn't soap, nor can he be. Sergent Mactavish can't leave either, not if he is to be the disciplined little soldier he needs to be. right now he's none of these people, right now he's john; the overwhelmed teenager. and john is trying to fit into an outfit that doesn't fit, the sleeves are too long, the shoulders too tight, the legs too short. but at least he doesn't have to choose which one to force on. johnny has no energy to come out, and soap is buried; lost in the mess that is his mind, that leaves Sergent Mactavish. scraping the bottom of the barrel he finds the will to muster up a hopefully convincing smile. this moment is so very real to me, it's something i've done way too many times before. and refusing to voice his discomfort? not only because it ruins the mood, and perhaps because he almost feels like he deserves that discomfort.

his excuse

~ really? his alarm? /that/ was the best he could come up with? he knows it's a bullshit excuse. that's the equivalent of "just tired", tho unlike me, Ghost knows that it's a BS response. he knows ghost knows. of course the man does, just like soap knows ghost's tells, ghost knows soap's tells.

"be a good soldier"

~ gah-damn! that's EXACTLY how I talk to myself when im in this type of headspace

AGAIN WITH THE HAIR!!!

~ yes im freaking about the hair again. I DON'T KNOW WHY. his hair is long, he's neglected it a bit... just like he's neglecting himself?

soap being overly formal

~ it causing the silence between them into something uncomfortable as if something has changed. because something /has/ changed... ghost clearly doesn't like the change in his Sergent.

his nervous tics

~ the way he has to focus so hard on not doing them, and how he almost defaults back to bootcamp posture.

the tension between them

~ only being broken by price, but it still not rubber-banding back to their former status

him changing his showing personality with price's arrival

~ I do the same thing. in every situation, good or bad, differing friend groups, ect. the way he even 'blends' personalities in a way. he's only doing so to avoid questioning.

him being formal with ghost, him throwing himself entirely into his work

~ the way he automatically switches to formal setting with ghost. I am now seeing that this is the RSD coming into play, where he's seeking ghost's approval or at least not attracting his ire. and him completely focusing on his task so he doesn't get to think too much about how ghost is watching him. I find that if you look busy people generally won't bother or disturb you.

look I probably missed a ton seeing as how my prime writing hors is between midnight and 3am, and it is very much not that time right now... and I also had people trying to peep my writing which is awkward lol

anyway if you see typos... no you don't. if i find more stuff from this chapter I'll add it to the beginning of the next part

#El rambles #El over-analyzes #I.S.B.T.P.K.F.T.S #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #cod #cod mw2 #im hardcore projecting onto this man

[gayspock]

okay tldr im just kinda ... eye twitch at that whole parter LOL

like ehrhgh. SO preface: i think its always the case with "cliff hangers" wherein the reason why they fall flat so often is, like, if the actual cliffhanger itself is so... perfunctory. like they just do it because they felt like they had to leave us hanging on some tense situation - but the thing is, like? you dont NEED to orchestrate that, man; you already had our attention. so its so stupid then if like... they just resolve the situation in 0.2 seconds in the next episode. but its like yknow... its sth a lot of shows do unncessarily and ultimately if it is just a really weird blip when transitioning between eps its like. whatever.

BUT thats all to say... the end of s3 COULD have been a good use of a cliffhanger, yeah? because it's establishing, like, a pretty specific situation with longer lasting consequences than just saving someone from immediate danger in the first scene. but then they FUMBLEDDD ti like...

ough you set up sth genuinely kinda neat. i dont know why they walked it back so fast AND also made the things they did right less effective. like they open up s4 with john sooo alone and its genuinelykinda tragic but then by the end of the ep chiana's already back and its like so what... and then they all IMMEDIATELY reconnect next ep and its like- they dont even really get a proper freaking reaction, when its implied john's been out there alone for god knows how long on a dying ship like... its like nothing happened and

its like. i just feel like if ur not going to utilise the situations you construct - bc this is fiction, and you do construct the situations - why.... construct them? bc if you were gonna reunite everyone with so few consequences, we could have instead spent more time where it was worth instead. but no... and tbh that makes the cliffhanger thing even WORSE bc now u have to waste time walking it back to reset it... and its also a loss of momentum, you know? like- i know im bingeing this, so its a different viewing experience so maybe momentum isnt the right word, but yeah...i guess it just sort of sets the expectations and tone totally out of whack with what they initially establish and not in a good/intentional way

especiallyyyy bc then these two eps after ep 1... arghh!! bc of that they already are building off a strange foundation - but then with these, everything feels so rushed and sloppy. i genuinely had to check- did they kno abt cancellation, pre-production? bc i thought they were trying to speed through it but... naur, like...

farscape in the past has been one of the few shows to pull off the "just fucking throw EVERYTHING IN THERE!" bc it knows how to move quickly, and matter of factly but here its just like... stuff was just weak. i think, usually, when it DOES introduce a lot fast it knows how to really build them up. it uses super simple concepts and then layers them really well. here, not so much... i feel like the whole planet situation was, eh, contrived? is that the best word for it? its introducing a lot of weird mechanics to how it works- and maybe that'd be fine, usually, but again with everything else going on its like they introduce way too much, too fast. like oo-nii, also- i really loved the design, actually, loved the colour, but also kinda a really strange addition in here.

and i hthink its worsened with grammy granola grime bc i SAID I LIKED HER, I DO, but ive always felt with the more "spiritual aspects" (for lack of a better word) such as stark and zhaan they come close but also they kinda ... dont... pull it off ever. SORRY lol. i mean stark- actually stark did have some really good stuff in his first introduction, but i feel like its always so ill-defined in the bad way where it sort of feels like their nebulous abilities are used moreso to plaster over places in stories where they didnt know what to do rather than an actual exploration into something more interesting . like theres always a very shaky core to them- and that kinda sucks, bc you do NEED something even if you are trying to go for mystery or surrealism bc theres a difference between that and just kinda. yeah. anyways

thats all to say like. all of these issues and again entrenching some really important and heavy subject matter... EEK...!

like even just the minor shit. jool and d'argo. eh, man. just burnt through the whole damn thing in this ep... OK, LOL. IDC ABOUT IT? sorry... i just think its so weird how they handle other romances bc johnaeryn are so fucking organic and well-paced and claudia and ben do such a good job with the intimacy between them that just makes it real as fuck whereas like... everyone else is strange, man... eh. why'd you do it. come on man. its a shame bc i praised them in s1 bc they were pretty normal about zhaan and d'argo- kinda saying "oh, there's tension sometimes but otherwise its like eh theyre not super into it theyre just chilling as friends tbh" which is a dynamic that i actually find refreshing tbh... the more casual nature of it, yeah? as its told moreso through subtext and interactions whereas its like man what the fuck. everything with dargo otherwise has been, like, just so tell not show wtf...

and the major shit. i know the confirmation that jool's species are related to humans somehow is important. but its like... amongst this whole ep that whole thing really didnt have any impact bc like i said. its kinda all over. uhm. idk how i feel abt that. uhm well ... i dont like it. ok. SORRY. LOL.

but thats less so about it being done here even if it wasnt so good andmoreso i dont really want... them to be related... i dont know. what i liked about farscape was how it treated humans- john was never something special in the way trek always put "HUMANITTYYY" on a pedestal and forced the universe through human's perspective and culture and morality etc.... i really fucking hope it isnt some, like, "humans are their great ancestors" type of thing, that'd be the worst - ive had enough of that through shitty dw fan theories

and also just, like, in general ughghghg i DONT LIKE it when like.. there's a whole univers,e yes? its so infinitely huge and... well idk if it's coincedental, yet, but i dont like how small it makes the universe feel when it just so happensss that its humans like... AGAIN i think it detracts from whats established already, about how crichton is so far away from everything hes ever known ... it makes everything so much smaller in perspective and its just... ssorry to 🤓 but its soo 🤓unrealistic! AND YES YES YES its a damn fiction show- but i mean... within the established show, is what imean, bc i dont really care about technicalities USUALLY until then yeah its actually affecting the narrative where i think it is here and anyways thats speculation bc

AND OK

CANT SKIP AROUND IT

HEAVY SUBJECT MATTER

right the thing is i said it yesterday. i am not against them deciding to have *that* happen to john, in any capacity. there are respectful and meaningful ways you can explore that type of thing with care.

and its odd. bc i look at the time period this was done - and fucking hell, even comparing it to now - and theres stuff with the execution here thats... and i hesitate to say it, but it's almost... good... like.. im talking specifically about john's reaction and performance bc- god, even nowadays i feel like in media it doesnt always... get handled, well? but god- john doesnt take it well, and it isnt brushed off by the *narrative* in some parts (ehrm).. like i meanthe show knows that thats really fucked up, it acknowledges johns pain, and god like. i dont know; mauybe ben browder's performance was carrying, there, but what i mean is like.. even now i feel like with men, this type of thing isnt taken seriously or depicted like this with the grace given in PARTS of this, but also like...

GOD WITH EVERYTHING GOING ON. AND ALSO... D'ARGOS REACTION. UHM. LIKE EVERYONE ELSE'S- that just felt so fucking wrong, man. like jesus. and i mean, well, i think sometimes people do project a morality onto characters - expect a perfect reaction to things like this, when thats just not how people are, yknow - and i wouldnt want that either if it wasnt true, as i think an important aspect of this conversation IS reaction/others' perception but.. THIS? COME ON, MAN.. that whole bit is brushed off andits... icky which... again if d'argo and co misunderstood/brushed it off normally i'd be fine but its also like- the show itself brushes off them brushing it off, is my issue? no rumination on their reaction, which as i said an important aspect of that but... yeah. yeah.

and yeah. the thing in the first place- its also just sort of... ugh. like unnecessary. like- bc it isnt really reflected on much here it jsut... i dont think its shock-value territory, but it just feels like kind of a pointless jump to make - something a bit needlessly..,cruel... to approach such a serious topic when you really dont have the space to properly handle that kind of thing right now. and also its not- like from a story perspective it isnt... establishing anything, man, like... you could still have grayza domineering and even have her still like manipulate people through some similar means without that added layer (or hell, even everything up until that part with crichton i was kinda unnerved by but it didnt cross a line for me) and it would still be as effective. its not like the aurora chair or the neural clone wherein the consequences of them both have longstanding implications and do actually properly escalate-escalate, here its just like... alright lets just.. yeah. ok....

anyways

im kinda annoyed jool is now leaving like did her actress wanna go i mean thats okay if thats the case but like i dont like the revolving door character situation we've been having with regards to introducing new people like i just think it'd be fine man if you didnt. LOL

anyways

this isall so negative nancy SORRY LOLLLL im still having fun ofc its just OUGH... i swear, every opener i go through kind of a . ughhpart. at least it feels that way- maybe im misremembering

#Egg.txt #farscape liveblog

[lucidpantone]

i listened to your rant about Anais trailer and i completely agree with everything you said! (you really put it nicely into words omg and you have a lovely voice on top of that)

ipersonally also dont understand why they chose to close of this gen with this theme? rape is such an IMPORTANT theme possibly the most important theme of all and like you said how are you gonna conclude every character's storylines on top of this theme? that can't possibly go well. that is why i fear that the same problem that happened with skam france in all their seasons is gonna happen again, until episode 5 it will probably be good and then all over the place. honestly all of the themes the new team has done has never felt resolved and good to me, it has always been so promising at the start and at the end you just don't understand what happened but i hope that they changed for the better for this theme because this is really important.

I just feel like the final season of a gen usually spends time distilling the future of some characters and choosing a topic like this really needs a ton of care. Also aside from Tiff like we dont know the personalities and sensibilities of Clement or Sascha. So its not even like Anais will be talking to Lola or Jo she is talking to characters we dont even trust aside from Tiff. Like we still have alot of shit to get through for lamifex. Like Tiff/Max diff breaking up? Because sorry folks its def coming. Bilal is not gonna to college ovi or if he does fashion school but idk I have a feeling he is skipping it. Lola and Maya is it over? or nah? Redouane is ovi gonna be our connection to Lamifex outside of tiff. I dont like that this topic was chosen to close the series and also I hate that Anais is surrounded by characters we have no relationship with. Its the one time I hope they use Tiff's character alot because its gonna be weird if Anais is like confessing to the r-word to like clement who we literally know nothing about. I hope Tiff and Redouane fill alot of the space and Clement and Sascha are sorta of in the background because its weird if Anais is speaking to characters who are basically placeholders. I also find it really shitty that we won't see anais after this season I def would have had her be season 9 because then we could see her dealing with stuff in the following season and making sure she is doing well. Its just insane to be like here is 10 weeks the worse experience of her life and at the end being like "thats it folks. Time to go home"....... Its like you really want to close on such a raw topic. Thats why sometimes am like are they pitching a spin off college addition to this show because am stumped as to why not touch this topic last season and close this season with Maya and all of them entering adulthood. Anyways lets see whats in store come the weekend.....

#skam france

[dragonssxheart]

Rebirth and Beyond

Some long-form thoughts about VII:Re so far as I'm barreling towards the end.

I'm only on Chapter 12 which is pretty close to the end of this game. More often than not I tend to second guess how I feel about these things as I feel like I'm missing something. Because I'm having fun I tend to doubt my perception of a story or what it is trying to accomplish. However, I've come to find I'm simply more forgiving than most. I prefer to meet a story half-way rather than throw the whole thing out. A narrative not accomplishing what it set out to do does not make it "bad" in that sense to me. Poorly executed but for me, Rebirth is a long way from "bad". The same way FFXV is a long way from bad narratively but that's another conversation. The problem from the outset for Rebirth was, from my view, how do you tell someone the middle of a story? Without a clear three-act structure what exactly do you do? I think Rebirth certainly tries to present itself in a conventional way but it doesn't really work as well as it should. SQX's approach to filling out the run-time of Rebirth is not executed very well simply because we're supposed to be going somewhere and we're not, at least not really. How do you tell the end of the middle of a story? You can't push the stakes too far because we're not at the end. You can't push the emotions too far because we're not at the end yet. Nothing can truly resolve because we're not at the end yet. So while we're getting a lot of time with the characters we're just kind of hanging out. To be honest, there's nothing wrong with just hanging out with the FFVII crew. I love these characters. I wish they had more banter as they run around. Considering what happens next I feel like Aerith should definitely have more things to say.

This can be seen in the way Rebirth opens. We're treated to a rendition of the Nibelhiem incident. Instead of a mystery unfolding before us we're shown what happens from the outset. We don't know how we got to Kalm or when but it can be assumed we walked there. The game is already banking on you having played Intergrade. Is this a problem? Well...maybe. I think it's better to approach Rebirth as a sequel rather than a Remake (no matter what the developers say). It strikes me that this is not necessarily a game made for people who are new to this story. It is but it is not. Mechanically it functions that way. A new person is absolutely going to need their money's worth from a game like this which is where I feel like a lot of the padding comes in, for better or worse. However, for someone familiar with this story things kind of fall apart here as the story is being told in a different way. In an effort to keep your attention every area and character has been turned up to 11 in Rebirth. We're not in the third act yet, remember? The middle of a story isn't usually all that long so we have to find a way to take you on another roller coaster ride. The answer seems to be to turn everything into a mini-game. Some good, some absolutely abysmal. This game does a great job of celebrating its nostalgia but almost to a detrimental degree. You had to hunt down and wrangle a Chocobo in the original right? Well, now you get to do it for every zone in a very poorly crafted stealth mini-game. Costa Del Sol is an amazingly fun time, treated with the same make-over that Wall Market had but underneath are mini-games galore. Not to mention that the highest score is required for every single one of them if you want to platinum the game (which I will NOT be doing). Even exploring the Shinra mansion is turned into a bit of a mini-game as you control Cait Sith to...throw boxes at switches.

The Zack chapters, don't really seem to have any importance so far. I mean they're setting something up obviously but they seem more like commercial breaks. Something to break up the litany of open-world bloat. Now, while the ubisoft towers they put in aren't the most abysmal thing ever it's very clear that SQX is using every modern gaming trick in the book to help you reach that 100 hour runtime. Chadley returns to be the most annoying character they've ever created as he chimes in constantly. They even gave him an assistant to bicker with.

Now the changes they've made to the story are hit or miss depending on who you're talking to. When the game is not slowing you down with messy mini-game mechanics it's going at break neck speeds. I can only reassert that this was bound to happen as we're in the middle of the story. The pacing issues that Rebirth has is anchored around the fact that it has to save all of the good stuff for the end. Of the moments we do get, I think we have to analyze them isolated away from the original. What is the Remake trying to do with Dyne specifically? While in the OG the confrontation between Dyne and Barret is wonderfully done I don't think that makes the changes made in the Remake bad, just different. What we are treated to is wholly different than what we get in the OG but that's the point right? It's supposed to be different. They are re-telling the story. This was never going to be a 1:1 Remake. Does that the new confrontation bad? I don't think it does. It's still heartbreaking. It's still tragic. Just different. As for the boss battle after. Well, I think you can take a few ways. It's comedic and is emotionally tone-deaf. Which is fair. I think you could also (and this may be a stretch) see it as the party also not getting a moments rest so you don't either. Barret just had to put down his friend, someone he could call a brother, and yet here comes Shinra. They catch everyone off guard and now they're in the thick of a fight with the loathsome Palmer. The rail shooter was a little much but we come away from it with a more determined and resolute Barret. Different, not bad. in my opinion.

However, I cannot overstate how much I think the stifling of stakes and emotions are reliant upon them being in the middle of a story. They can only move things along at a certain pace or else this game would hilariously short for its price tag. I think Mr. Lodbrok is a perfect exmple of this. Trying to raise the stakes in a story where we already have a clear motive. We're chasing Sephiroth. We're discovering the Black Materia and The Temple of The Ancients. It's all there but move too fast and Aerith is dead before Cloud has his Costa Del Sol outfit off.

All in all, I'm having fun with Rebirth even if it suffering narratively and is absolutely dragging its story onward with bad mini-games. However, "bad"? Nay, it will not come from my lips.

#Augus plays Rebirth #I've said it before but I honestly think some people love the OG too much #The same way I love KoToR too much if that makes sense

[mrfoox]

There's some riots happening in my country and I'm worried

#miranda talking shit #Also half crying bc news sources are like: people threw molotoves against the police and they fired back warning rounds #Thats the most Swedish thing.... Avoid violence as long as possible even if the situation is fecked #I cant remember when we last had riots that was extreme like this. Dont think itve happened in my lifetime before #I feel like like nothing like this happens here. If it does its usually resolved in a few days but this is the third day or something? #Where it's happening is 800km away from me so im not in danger but like damn things sounds bad down there

[yeraskier]

i think it’s interesting seeing the way jaskier’s emotions contrast in the episode where he and geralt reunite, and how quickly they shift as well

when he first saw geralt, it was anger but also relief. he wanted geralt to listen but he definitely didnt want him to just fuck off. he wanted geralt there with him, but he wanted to set some boundaries and finally get a chance to speak the words that have been sitting on his tongue for months. and then that relief kicked in, relief that geralt was here, actively seeking him out after actively pushing him away. its not the way jaskier wanted it to happen, he wouldve preferred actually getting to say what he wanted to say but geralt is telling him that he needs him and even after all that’s happened, jaskier cant force himself to turn away.

and then we jump to the river scene where he’s his usual talkative self, hes excited and sort of bossing geralt around. it feels just like s1 all over again. at that point it probably just hit him like finally, geralt’s back. he’s here. and that’s what jaskier has wanted since the mountain. he just wanted geralt back, he wanted geralt to want him back. and now there they are two buddies back together, having a nice little chat, and everything is alright again. right?

i think he was still okay when they encountered geralt’s friends, but somewhere along the way, somewhere from that interaction to them heading back on the path, everything just came crashing down.

jaskier was clearly sad during that trip, but more than that, i think he was disappointed too. i think a lot of his feelings from the moment he saw geralt again up to that point, were centered around geralt, but what jaskier was feeling during the walk was all about him. i feel like maybe, he was disappointed in himself. sure, he was happy to help geralt and always would be, but maybe it was him realizing that hes got the short end of the stick. the way he said “but that’s what friends do, they come back” read to me as you treated me like absolute shit and i deserve better i think but i care about you so i’ll always be there for you because im a good friend.

burn butcher burn was a very clear fuck you to geralt, one that made you think that he’d be a lot more intense and maybe have geralt grovel a little if they ever met again. but no, thats not who jaskier is with geralt. thats possibly who he wanted to be, at least for a moment, at least long enough to see that geralt really cared, but it just isnt. and i think that hit him.

and then there was this needling that nothing has been resolved. not a issue between them has been resolved and while things are seemingly back to normal, jaskier sees that they arent the same at all. he realizes that things wont be until he gets to actually speak to geralt. if he ever gets to actually speak to geralt, because as he just broadcasted, he may not be as capable of that as he originally thought. maybe even then, if he does speak, they wont be the same. they cant be because geralt broke his trust, and it hurts not knowing whether or not thats something that he’ll ever be able to give again.

so basically jaskiers watching the most important relationship in his life crumble all over again. and it sucks for him.

#then he deflects with the joke when geralt does apologize because well. that apology did absolutely Nothing for him #he still feels hollow and now hes just scared because if geralt apologizing did nothing is there any hope for them at all #idk im just rambling atp please stop me #the witcher #jaskier #geralt of rivia #geraskier

[itsdanii]

Rejecting you and regretting it

genre: angst to fluff

warnings: slight cursing, rude behavior (resolved), do message me if I forgot any.

ft. sakusa kiyoomi, tsukishima kei

Sakusa Kiyoomi

you're not oblivious to the fact that kiyoomi is a very conscious person

that's one of the things you loved about him

he was hygienic and he always made sure that his health was his utmost priority

but one downside is that kiyoomi had the tendency to push people away because of his straightforwardness

you were used to it and in fact, you were one of those people he tolerated

but everyone has their bad days

and unfortunately for you, today was kiyoomi's and since you were always attached to him by the hip, he unintentionally snapped at you

what's worse is that he snapped at you the moment you confessed to him

"Omi!" you shouted happily as you entered the gymnasium, giving Komori a small wave before making your way to where Kiyoomi was sitting.

He looked at you with a frown. He wasn't wearing a mask since they were training awhile ago and only took a quick break. "Y/n, what are you doing here?"

You sat beside him making Kiyoomi grimace and slightly move away. You frowned at him, completely displeased at the action. "I just wanted to give you a visit. Plus, I have something to tell you."

You started to fiddle with your fingers nervously. You practiced your confession several times already but doing it seemed harder than you thought.

"What is it? Talk, I'm not in the right mood to socialize right now."

Out of panic, you quickly blurted out a rather loud, "I like you!" You immediately covered your mouth with your hand and stared at him wide eyed.

The other players looked at you with sympathy, knowing what's about to happen. Out of all days, you really had to confess today, when Kiyoomi was in a pissy mood after several fangirls pushed themselves against him this morning, not minding his personal space.

Kiyoomi stared at you with a serious expression before standing up. "I don't like you. Leave."

"But Omi.."

"You're irritating and you always bother me when it is clear that I don't want your company." He turned around and left you on the bench, your head casted down in humiliation.

You whispered a small sorry before running out of the gym with tears falling from your eyes.

For the next few days, you did your very best to stay away from Kiyoomi. You changed your route to school knowing that your usual route meant that you have to pass by his house. Even if you got scolded several times for being late, you did not stop.

You sat near the door so you can easily exit the room after class. You even stopped eating with Komori and Kiyoomi during breaks and lunch. Even your usual routine of visiting the gym during practices was stopped.

At first, Kiyoomi didn't mind. He knew that you'd come back in a few days just like you always did. You like him after all, right?

But when a few days turned into weeks, He started getting bothered. Why weren't you pestering him like always? Why did you stop visiting him? You said you like him, right?

It was the second week that Kiyoomi took action. He woke up extra early to wait for you infront of your house, aiming to confront you about your behavior.

When you went out, your eyes widened slightly upon seeing Kiyoomi waiting for you outside. He was wearing his face mask while staring at you intently, letting you know that he purposely waited for you.

You looked down and was about to walk pass him when you felt him tugging on your wrist. Your gaze snapped to his hand, not believing that he was indeed touching your skin.

"Sakusa?"

His eye twitched at the weirdness of you not calling him like usual. Sighing, he stepped a little closer to you, hand still holding your wrist to ensure that you won't run away from him.

"You're ignoring me," he said while eyeing you. "Why?"

You took your hand from him and furrowed your brows. "I'm just doing you a favor. I don't want to be a bother anymore. Isn't this what you wanted?"

"I-"

"It's fine, Sakusa. You don't have to force yourself to apologize just because you feel bad or obliged to."

He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "I'm not apologizing because I feel bad."

"Then what? You're apologizing just to make fun of me? I know I said I like you but that doesn't mean that you have the right to-"

"You don't get it!"

At this point, you were both raising your voices. Some passersby were looking at you two weirdly, some even running as to not get caught up in the fight.

"Get what, Sakusa? Why don't you tell me so I can understand?!"

"I like you!" Kiyoomi exclaimed. "I... Fuck. I like you, okay? I wasn't in the mood when you confessed and I rejected you without thinking. I messed up. The moment I saw you walk out, I knew I fucked up real bad and I-"

"Om-"

"And I thought that you'd come back the next day to bother me again like usual. I wanted to apologize but my pride-"

You sighed as he continued to ramble. With fast movements, you stood on your tiptoes and encircled your arms around his neck to pull him down to you, kissing him over his mask.

When you let go, Kiyoomi was silent. His eyes were wide and you thought that you went over board. Panic made its way to your face as you try to find the words to explain.

"Sorry, I didn't me-"

This time, he was the one to cut you off. Kiyoomi took off his mask and bent down to kiss you on your lips. One of his arms snaked around your waist to support you while the other settled on your nape, angling you to him.

"Be my s/o."

Tsukishima Kei

Everyone in Karasuno knew how much you like Tsukishima

In fact, you remind him everyday

You often give him fresh strawberries from the market and even bake him strawberry cake

Sometimes, you would put little sticky notes on his belongings and write some encouraging words like "you can do it", "I believe in you" or "take it easy!"

On his birthday, you even gave him a hoodie with a dino design (which he secretly loved)

There are times that you knew Tsukishima gets irritated when you visit and even snaps at you but you didn't mind. You liked him and a small snap will not discourage you

But what you didn't know was that it would only take one conversation to completely shatter your heart

"-And they're back," Sugawara said as he saw you enter the gym, a bubbly smile present on your face as usual.

"Kei!" You skipped your way towards Tsukishima and handed him his water bottle which you voluntarily refilled with hot water.

He only gave you a 'tsk' and took the water bottle. Adjusting his glasses, he stared at you from head to toe as if analyzing you, a small blush appearing on his cheeks.

"What are you looking at? Have you finally come to realize that you like me back?" you cheekily asked, poking his bicep.

"No. I was just wondering how someone could look so ugly."

Despite what he said, you forced yourself to giggle, covering your upset feeling with an eye roll. "Oh shut up, Kei. You don't have to hide it, you know? Don't worry, I'm not going to reject you."

You winked at him causing Tsukishima to blush even more.

The rest of the boys snickered and laughed at his reaction which made Tsukishima more embarrassed than he already is.

"Just confess to the girl already, Tsukishima. Can't you see she's trying hard to win you?" Daichi said with a small chuckle while patting Tsukishima's back.

Tsukishima just huffed and pushed his glasses up. "What's there to like? They're nothing but an eyesore anyway."

"What?" you asked in disbelief.

Having a playful banter with Tsukishima was normal in your routine but this was the first time he called you such an offensive term. Does he really think of you that way?

"Oh come on, stop acting dumb. I don't even get why there are guys running after you. I mean, there's really nothing much to look at, right?"

Everyone grew quiet at what he said, clearly not expecting Tsukishima to be at such level of rudeness.

You swallowed the lump forming in your throat as your insecurity skyrocketed. "I try hard every single day to look presentable to you. I-"

You paused for a moment to laugh pathetically at yourself. "I exert a lot of effort to make you notice me. I cook for you, I give you gifts. Heck, I even stay after class to help clean the gym so that the task would be easier for you and I'm not even asking for anything in return."

Tsukishima glared at you sharply that you immediately felt extremely smaller than him. "I never asked you to do those things for me."

"Can't you at least show me that you care?" You wiped your tears with the back of your hand. "Because I'm slowly getting tired of this push and pull game."

"Don't you get it? I don't like you. Why don't you stop pushing yourself to me and start getting a life, hm?"

"Tsukishima, that's enough!" you heard Daichi yell at him.

"Y/n?" Sugawara was immediately beside you, his hand rubbing circles on your back in attempt to calm you down.

"No-" You lifted your face up to meet Tsukishima's eyes. "I think he's right. I should stop being a nuisance and focus on myself."

"I'll leave you alone. I'm sorry," you said before giving Tsukishima a bow and leaving the gym with everyone's eyes following your figure until the door shut.

Everyone could only look at Tsukishima as he cursed under his breath.

"Shit."

The moment you left the gym, you headed straight to the comfort room to let your tears out. You stared at yourself on the mirror as tears cascaded down your cheeks.

"You're beautiful," you reassured yourself while pointing at your own reflection. "What he said doesn't make you any less. Know your worth."

You wiped your tears and splashed your face with cold water before getting out and heading to class without sparing Tsukishima any glance.

You ignored Tsukishima, stopped visiting the gym and focused on yourself. You even made made friends with some of your classmates that you didn't bother getting associated with last time because you were too focused on capturing the attention of Tsukishima.

Unbeknownst to you, a certain male was eyeing you as you interact with other people. He blamed himself for pushing you away. He didn't talk to you, thinking that you only wanted space for a couple days before bothering him again.

He knew that what he said was out of line and he regret everything he did. He even asked Yamaguchi and the rest of the team for advice but all of them responded with the same answer - apologize and tell you how he feels.

Tsukishima gripped the pen tightly as he watched you laughing at something your classmate said. The said classmate was too close to you and it was obvious that he was trying to flirt with you.

"Tsukki?" Yamaguchi called out. He followed Tsukishima's gaze and sighed. "Why don't you go and talk to them?"

"Tsk. Why would I do that? Can't you see they're enjoying his company?" Tsukishima bitterly said.

"You'll end up losing them if you don't do something about it now. Who knows, they might already be lo-" Yamaguchi stopped as Tsukishima instantly stood up and made his way to where you are.

Taking your wrist, he pulled you towards him, heading out of the classroom.

"Tsukishima, what the hell?!" You tried to resist but his grip on your wrist only tightened.

You gasped as he suddenly stopped, trapping you against a wall with his arms beside your head.

"I'm sorry." Tsukishima closed his eyes, balling his fist as he bowed his head. "I said hurtful words to you and no amount of apology will take those away but I want you to know that I regret every single one of it."

You bit your lower lip as you felt yourself tearing up once again. "Do you really think that I'm ugly? I was hurt, Kei. It's just.."

"I'm sorry." His hand made its way to your cheek, cupping your face while he wiped your tears with his thumb. "You're not ugly."

You shook your head and averted your gaze from him, a sob escaping your lips as you felt yourself falling for him deeper. "Don't. Just stop. I'll accept your apology but please just leave me be. I won't be able to stop my feelings for you if you keep leading me on."

"But I don't want you to stop."

"What?"

"I've fallen for you." He tipped your chin up with his hand making you look at him and you were surprised to see the vulnerability in his features. "Please look at me again, y/n. Keep loving me because I swear that I'll do things different this time. Give me a chance."

You can't help but encircle your arms around him, burrying your face on the side of his neck as you nodded repeatedly. "One chance, Kei."

Tsukishima hugged you tightly, lips pressing on the side of your head. "One chance." He leaned away from you and held your face with his hand, eyes boring to yours admiringly.

"You're beautiful."

Likes and reblogs are appreciated ❤️

#haikyuu fluff #hq fluff #hq imagines #haikyuu angst #haikyuu comfort #haikyuu imagines #hq angst #haikyu x reader #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #hq x reader #hq headcanons #tsukishima fluff #tsukishima kei #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima oneshot #tsukishima scenarios #tsukishima x you #tsukishima imagine #tsukishima hcs #tsukishima angst #tsukishima comfort #hq sakusa #hq tsukishima #sakusa x y/n #sakusa fluff #sakusa angst

[ahtsumu]

how the haikyuu boys fall in love

oikawa falls in love like a tsunami’s last breath. the first time he realises he loves you, he thinks the earth beneath his feet has fractured. terrified, he recedes from your life, pulls back from your outstretched hands, withdraws from your longing gaze, hoping that his feelings will, too. instead, they surge forward with a roar, swell to monstrous heights, foaming viciously at the crest. and soon, the colossal wave collapses against the shore, unable to fight any longer. when his words finally flood out, that roar of the tsunami arrives in the end as a whisper–– “i love you.” and everything is washed anew.

iwaizumi falls in love like a tree branch under snow. his feelings accumulate crystal by crystal: a touch here, a smile there, a picture at 2 am followed by “i saw this and thought of you” and a reply of “go to sleep, idiot” seconds later. you worm your way into his heart so slowly he doesn’t notice it at first, doesn’t notice the thick layer of snow on the caving wooden limb, doesn’t notice that one more fleeting brush against his fingers will tip the scale–– until the branch finally snaps. and when he opens his eyes to a world bedazzled by snow, the only face he can see is yours.

kuroo falls in love like honey on pancakes. with him, there’s no sudden realisation, no flashbulb moment of his adoration, because he’s been happily fixed in a golden state of mind ever since the day you met. every day, his name sounds sweeter out your mouth. every day, he wakes up with sugar on his lips. it’s slow, how his love for you grows, but it’s steady. and now, as you kiss every knuckle on his hand to pull him back down to earth, he can only let out a soft, amused exhale through his nose. his half-lidded gaze focuses on your decadent features. “i’m here,” he purrs. 

kenma falls in love like eyelids after dark. very rarely do the gears in his head stop spinning; he’s lived his entire life on alert, taking in and apart details to survive. but with you… there’s no need to take in and apart the way your lips feel against his, the scent of your hair in his nose, your shallow breath against his neck. it all feels so safe. with you, he’s home–– he can finally rest. so even when light drains out from the sky, even when the world is at its worst, at the feeling of your body curling up to his, the gears in his head grind to a halt. and he lets his heart beat instead.

bokuto falls in love like a fledgeling from its nest. he knows it’s reckless––  ridiculously reckless–– to have so much faith in wings not yet fully formed, but there’s something about you that makes him want to soar. maybe it’s that you remind him of a cloudless blue sky or a valley that stretches from both ends of the earth or an ocean that glitters beneath the sun. maybe it’s that your name is a call to adventure. and at that moment, he realises that birds don’t fly when they’re ready–– they fly when they’re called to. so he steps to the edge, spreads his arms out, and leaps, your name a prayer on his lips.

akaashi falls in love like silence between friends. it comes over him naturally, instinctively, right as he thinks that he could do nothing next to you forever and still be satisfied. the feeling wraps his shoulders like a blanket and, with a twitch of his lips, he pulls it closer around himself. his eyes dart over to your figure, wondering if you know–– if you’d known this whole time. and then when you catch his gaze, when you ask “like what you see?” with a smirk on your face, he feels the fabric stretch around his shoulders as if to fit a second body. his reply comes to him like second nature, like instinct. “no, i love it.”

atsumu falls in love like skydiving from a plane. he’s meticulous, guarded, the most untrusting of fate. so he fights to gain the upper hand: he picks his parachute, his pilot, the day with the best weather–– everything is in his control. and when you come in full view, he finally thinks the dropzone is perfect. only then does he throw all caution to the wind, diving head first, eyes closed all the way down. an awesome wave of euphoria washes over him, lasting even when he realises he’s landed right in your arms, hair mussed, cheeks flushed, pupils wild with excitement. he wants to freefall into you again. so he does.

osamu falls in love like night over the city. it’s as inevitable as the cycle of the sun and moon and when it happens, he’s still the same–– yet everything is different. beside you, he feels the air change and all else fade into the background. beside you, the hum of the world turns into a steady beat, a pulse awfully similar to the one in his chest. and he flickers to life, a mosaic of light, when you touch him. he doesn’t usually look like this, you think as you draw circles on the back of his hand, trying to pinpoint what about him has changed. smiling softly, he knows that you’ll figure it out soon. or... he could say it now.

kita falls in love like a seed into the ground. he doesn’t feel it when it’s sowed, nor when it takes root beneath the soil, but he sure feels when it sprouts. its stem crawls around his legs and up his trunk, keeping him safely fixed to earth. it grows with every “good morning” and “i’ll save you a seat”, it grows when you prance over with a joke on your lips and two coffees in your hands. it grows when he sees you with your eyes closed, head tilted towards the sky like a sunflower, and realises that you are all he’s ever wanted. your head turns. your eyes meet. and as spring does with the cherry trees, he blooms.

ushijima falls in love like a comet past the sun. as he hurtles by, your radiance melts his icy exterior into the glimmering cloud in his wake. every inch of his body is on fire. he feels the power in the pull of your orbit. feels you could utterly ruin him. feels he’d be okay with it, too. but you don’t. instead, he thinks himself made of anti-gravity as you trace constellations into his skin. he sees stars collide when you kiss. and when he remembers how a comet can spend thousands of years without passing the sun in its orbit, he looks at you asleep in his arms and holds you just a little tighter to his chest.

tendou falls in love like confetti on new year’s eve. this moment has spent all year in the making. ten, from the day you pummelled into his life. nine, the time that slowed when he saw you smile. eight, when you changed each other’s names in your phones. seven, that time he dragged you out to a party. six, how you retaliated by taking him to a play. five, your shoulders touch during said play. four, his fingers wrap around yours during the finale. three, you hold hands all the way home. two, he walks you to the door. one, you stop. zero, he leans in. and the world explodes in full colour.

kageyama falls in love like a fawn upright for the first time. it’s all new–– the butterflies in his stomach, the sluggishness of his tongue in his mouth, the short-circuiting of his brain when you’re around. he stumbles and trips and topples over navigating through the tingling in his body. “are you okay?” you ask, peering into his eyes. his cheeks burn as he nods, unable to form words. he thinks he’ll be fine, though, until you place a hand on his shoulder. the touch sends another flood of electricity through his nerves. “you sure? you look like you’re about to hurl.” and he resolves that he will do something about this.

tsukishima falls in love like a chest in resignation. he didn’t believe in softer emotions–– or at least, that’s what he told himself. and he held out for so long. but then you came along with your dumb sparkly eyes and your stupid smart mouth and infuriatingly sweet smile. even with the argument still fresh on his mind, he still adores you to death. especially right now, as he struggles to breathe knowing that he might lose you. fine, he thinks, no more running. he picks up his phone and sends the message that’s been sitting in his notes. and finally, he lets out a sigh. you win. he’s never been happier to lose.

sakusa falls in love like the last leaf before winter. just as a tree holds onto its foliage for dear life, he is stubborn in refusing to fall. still, even he is powerless against nature. as autumn goes, winter arrives in your form. he thinks you are the strangest cold–– the kind that soothes instead of stings, the kind that kindles fires and bakes chocolate chip cookies, the kind that turns his cheeks red without a touch but with a smile. but he likes it. so when winter knocks at his door and asks if he’s “ready to go?” he, the last leaf on the tree, finally flutters down to the ground.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #hq!! #haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #oikawa tooru #kuroo tetsurou #bokuto kotarou #akaashi keiji #miya atsumu #miya osamu #kageyama tobio #tsukishima kei #ushijima wakatoshi #sakusa kiyoomi #tendou satori #iwaizumi hajime #kenma kozume #kita shinsuke

[nirikeehan]

The Black Company Writing Prompts

All taken from lines of The Black Company by Glen Cook. (Feel free to switch up genders and fill in [X]s when prompting.)

Rebloggable version here!

[X] is misery curdled, but also ancient and intriguing. Its history is a bottomless well filled with murky water. I amuse myself plumbing its shadowy depths, trying to isolate fact from fiction, legend, and myth.

His manner was not that of a street beggar, yet he looked like a lot of bad road.

“Care to illuminate what just happened?” “No.”

Those men whose stories I have uprooted are running from the law, not a tragic love affair.

I wish I could look inside them and unmask the darks and brights that move them. Then I take a quick look into the jungle of my own soul and thank heaven that I cannot. Any man who barely sustains an armistice with himself has no business poking around in an alien soul.

The cursing and weeping resolved into a scene fit to disgust anyone tainted with humanity.

War is a cruel business prosecuted by cruel men. The gods know [X] are no cherubim. But there are limits.

Whatever the upheaval in his life, it had left him living entirely in the present. He was compelled by the past and oblivious to the future.

“It’s a persuasive sort of nonsense. It hangs together in a certain elegant illusion of hope.”

These people said they were the good guys, fighting for the right, liberty, and the dignity of the human spirit, but in method they were no better than [X]. 

He exuded something that made me feel the way an arachnophobe might if you dropped a big hairy spider into his lap.

You know them better than kin. You had fought side by side for years. Not all of them were friends, but they were family. The only family you had.

He says he does not believe in history.

A dead soul now, maybe. He can make a man shudder with a glance. He exudes a stench of the grave.

Lately his mission in life has been to disapprove.

The planted rumor. The small frame. The touch of bribery or blackmail. Those are the best weapons. We opt for battle only when we have our opponents mousetrapped. At least ideally.

When you have the smaller battalions you learn guile.

He is fighting for everything men claim to honor: freedom, independence, truth, the right.… All the subjective illusions, all the eternal trigger-words. 

We are minions of the villain of the piece. We confess the illusion and deny the substance.

There are no self-proclaimed villains, only regiments of self-proclaimed saints. Victorious historians rule where good or evil lies. - in progress

“When is [X] going to show?” “When he gets here.”

Two blind armies, able to see nothing but one another.

Someday that great stone face is going to break. I hope I am there to see it.

I gathered we were going to unleash the dark side of human nature.

Something unusual was in the wind. Those in the know found it delicious. Though I could not guess what it was, I knew it would be slick and nasty.

The world needs places where men of all stripes and stations can step outside the usual strictures.

That went on for hours at a time, the movement of whetstone across steel sending chills down my spine. It was an omen.

I do not like alleys. I especially do not like them in cities like [X], where they harbor every evil known to man, and probably a few still undiscovered. - in progress

“Only a conqueror bothers to honor a fallen foe.”

I have hung armor plate over my moral soft spots.

They are complete barbarians, living out their cruelest fantasies, their behavior tempered only by the presence of a few decent men.

When you slice through the fog, you find that these two are friends.

The difference between him and the rest of us is that he is a little more of everything, a little bigger than life.

His moral agonies have become our moral agonies. His silent refusal to howl and beat his breast in adversity is ours as well. We prefer to speak with the metallic voice of our arms.

[X] has that knack, that energy, that impact of personality, to make men, more dangerous than he, shudder in his cold dark wind.

“Make it stop looking at me. Make it stop. I’ve been good. Make it go away.”

Sometimes my interest scares me. It gets close to becoming an obsession.

I had tipped the lid off a little box, just to see what was inside, and had found it filled with nastiness. The things I had read could not be unlearned.

Had I been less exhausted I might have jumped ten feet, screaming.

The softer, the more gentle he became, the more I felt I had to fear.

“Thanks. For a while I felt human again.”

A man cannot survive on hatred alone. Would he bother trying to survive what was coming?

I was scared. A man thinking that way could get a little flashy, a little dangerous to those around him.

“Don’t be so optimistic,” he said sarcastically. I shivered uncontrollably. - in progress

How many details will be lost in the oral histories I will have to collect after the fact? How many men will fall without their deaths being observed at all?

I am haunted by the clear knowledge that, in the end, evil always triumphs.

“The unwritten law of all armies. The lower ranks have the privilege of questioning the sanity and competence of their commanders. It’s the mortar holding an army together.”

The stars came out. They stared down with mockery in their twinkles, saying all our sweat and blood really had no meaning in the long eye of time. Nothing we did would be recalled a thousand years from now.

Her thoughts are delightfully straightforward, a refreshing contrast in a world filled with devious, prevaricating, unpredictable, scheming people.

No one will sing songs in our memory. … We are our only mourners.

I was almost neurotically anxious that some men had been lost and would be forgotten.

He could become the shadow in the darkness that all men fear, taking them one at a time, leaving only mangled remains to fill the living with terror. I envied him even while I loathed him.

“I’m not much on prophecies. They sound too much like superstition. But this makes me nervous.”

“Dream us a victory,” he suggested.

Part of winning is a downdeep certainty that, no matter how bad things look, a road to victory will open.

Sometimes you lie to yourself just to keep going.

My giggles became crazy laughter.

Soldiers defeated always overestimate the strength of their foe. That soothes egos suspecting their own inferiority.

The great comet is in the sky, that evil harbinger of all great shifts of fortune.

We are retreating still, toward our final appointment with Destiny.

My war was over and lost. All I wanted to do was run.

“Evil is relative. You can’t hang a sign on it. You can’t touch it or taste it or cut it with a sword. Evil depends on where you are standing, pointing your indicting finger.”

There are the physically dead and the morally dead. My comrades were among the latter.

I am not religious. I cannot conceive of gods who would give a damn about humanity’s frothy carryings-on. I mean, logically, beings of that order just wouldn’t.

But maybe there is a force for greater good, created by our unconscious minds conjoined, that becomes an independent power greater than the sum of its parts. Maybe, being a mindthing, it is not time-bound. Maybe it can see everywhere and everywhen and move pawns so that what seems to be today’s victory becomes the cornerstone of tomorrow’s defeat.

Characters like me don’t become prophets. Especially not from the wrong side.

#writing prompts