#abuse survivor psychology

[furiousgoldfish]

online narcissists: narcissistic abuse doesn't exist!

also online narcissists: infiltrate the community of specifically victims of narcissistic abuse who have asked to not be interacted with by narcissists, then attack them for revealing the tactics and manipulations of the abuse that supposedly doesn't exist, shamelessly police the victims of abuse on what language they're allowed to use to talk about abuse and then smear campaign and cancel them for 'being ableist about their abusers', speak on victim's stories of abuse in defense of the narcissistic abuser, minimizing and rationalizing all abuse with 'they're mentally ill', insisting the blogs and personal resources of survivors of narcissistic abuse need to center the narcissists themselves and spread positivity about them, even if those blogs are made by the victims of abuse! then cancelling and smearing people for not centering narcissists and for daring to make their personal blogs about themselves, insisting for 'some reason' that they need to have access and acceptance specifically in the community of the abused and mentally ill victims who are susceptible and groomed to not see the signs of abuse and who are easy to victimize again, insist that 'not all narcissists' knowing damn well that those who are abusive will absolutely benefit from this and manage to get new victims because it's now ableist for victims to recognize signs of narcissistic abuse and call them out, easily disregard humanity of victims and any member of the community if that member fails to spread propaganda and defend narcissists, demand for deletion of abuse resources and flinging insults and attacks at abuse survivors who make them.

me: I'm sure this is totally non-abusive, normal human behaviour. surely any non-abusive human goes and attacks the victims of abuse and demands access to them, against their consent, and polices their words and conversations to center them specifically. Nothing suspicious to see here folks. Better make sure you're not ableist and calling any of this out.

Walking all over victims of narcissistic abuse is easy and safe, because you can tell there won't be any backlash or cancelling, none of us will smear you or call you the worst human being who is hurting the entire world, just to make you guilty for hurting us. Opposing a narcissist, however, will do all of that. It's always safer to side with abusers than to be in their way. And a lot of the community of abused people are scared, and will go the easy route, especially if it's shown as 'morally correct'.

But it is at a cost to all of us. We need to have courage to stand up to this. If we want to have a community that doesn't shelter, defend, and prioritize abusers over victims, we need to fight for it. It doesn't do us any favours to have narcissists in charge, who will stay on top by silencing victims and molding the community to be as easy to abuse as possible for them. Even if you deep in your heart believe that 'not all narcissists are abusive', our stories are telling you that those who are extremely dangerous exist, and defending narcissists in general, makes sure that more victims come to those abusers, and are unable to call it out. Is it really worth defending them if you're risking people becoming permanently traumatized for believing you?

#narcissistic abuse #online abuse #emotional abuse #darvo #psychological abuse #community of abused #community of abuse survivors #survivors of narcissistic abuse #victims of narcissistic abuse

[vampirepunks]

Higgs Monaghan, "Beach Babies," and mind control

We know that the Bridge Baby dolls that Higgs and the Homo Demens used function completely differently than the human BBs invented by Bridges. But did you know they're also otherworldly vessels of extinction itself?

The novelization of Death Stranding suggests that these BB dolls from the Beach ("Beach Babies," as my husband and I refer to them) warp the minds of their users and bend human will towards the goal of extinction.

So... how many of Higgs Monaghan's decisions after meeting Amelie are his own?

The first thing to note is that Bridges BBs react negatively to the presence of these Beach Babies, as seen here when Sam encounters terrorists using them.

Lou does not like these things. Perhaps that's why she points the Odradek at Higgs during their first encounter with him?

The novel introduces us to a porter who visited the Evo-Devo Biologist (referred to as EV in the book) while equipped with one, a couple years before Sam's expedition. He was polite and overall pretty normal at first, but then on his next visit things get... weird.

So... there are holes in reality that using a Beach Baby allows you to see, and that's how the tar leaks from the Beach into the world of the living. Speculatively, this might be how Higgs is able to DOOMS-jump so easily and frequently (and summon tar), without getting exhausted or needing much focus at all, in addition to his level 7+ DOOMS.

Oh, but it gets weirder. And scarier, as soon as Extinction Entities are mentioned.

Wow... he sounds a lot like Higgs, doesn't he? Come to find out, Higgs gave it to him.

But surely this is just him echoing the party lines of Higgs' organization and repeating Higgs' same sentiments... right? Unless...

Important to note, this porter doesn't have DOOMS. He shouldn't be experiencing extinction nightmares, but his Beach Baby is showing them to him.

Whether directly or not, this thing talks to him. Like some eldritch call of the void or an element of a Lovecraft novel, it tells him that extinction is the only answer, the only solution.

EV is, understandably, instantly alarmed when she sees Sam with Lou, relating this story back to him. Sam is quick to connect the dots between that porter, the terrorists, Lou's terror at encountering these other BBs, and Higgs himself.

As they discuss further, a chiralgram recording from that porter begins to play, in which he takes credit for the voidout that killed Heartman's family and explains why he did it.

So then, how is Higgs affected by his own Beach Baby? From his perspective, it doesn't sound good.

We can infer a few things from this:

The Beach Baby acts as the vessel for Higgs' connection to Amelie and her Beach. By the nature of his powers, that's why he's able to DOOMS-jump constantly without getting exhausted, control BTs and timefall, and use telekinesis. Think of it like supercharging a battery; his powers are fueled by connection to the dead, and through Amelie, he's plugged into the dead of five mass extinctions, skyrocketing his DOOMS abilities to their maximum potential.

The Beach Baby (perhaps even Amelie directly, by using it) shows Higgs extinction nightmares beyond the scope of normal DOOMS nightmares, "speaking" to him and giving him forbidden knowledge that fills his mind with thoughts of extinction in terms of inevitability, even without Amelie telling him directly.

(Speculative): Higgs betrayed Fragile because of what the Beach Baby did to him, and perhaps doing so was Amelie's own will disguised as his idea. After all, he turned on Fragile immediately after connecting to the BB doll, severing his closest bond practically overnight. Further, Fragile states (at least in the book, I forget if she acknowledges this in the game or not) that it wasn't Higgs who prevented her from DOOMS jumping with the nuke in South Knot City, but "someone else," who she later determined to be Amelie. Amelie ensured that Fragile had no power in that situation, and that there was no way for her to escape without hating Higgs in the end. Personally, my reading is that Amelie wanted to be Higgs' only option and only remaining connection; she set herself up to be all he had left, the only thing he could focus on. It's easier to control someone who's isolated, scared, and alone otherwise, and would remove the risk of him having doubts about accepting extinction because he had nothing--and no one--left to lose.

(Speculative): The Beach Baby acts as a mind control utility. Whatever hopes, dreams, and beliefs a person has, this BB doll can override them and bend its user's will towards the goal of extinction instead, reshaping their ideology to fit the EE's goals. It's impossible to say how much of this control is direct and tangible, but it grants Amelie a high degree of influence over Higgs' inner world, removing any sense of rebellion against her or instinctive resistance to the concept of total human annihilation.

Established later in-text (too much content to cite and embed), Higgs experiences grandiose delusions surrounding his role in the extinction, falsely believing that he's the one in control, viewing himself as "the bridge that brings the extinction" and is destined to safeguard Amelie so mankind can meet its end. Despite the facts, he genuinely thinks it was all his idea, his plan, and he's the mastermind behind the whole thing, personally chosen by cosmic forces to deliver the apocalypse and usher in a new world after humanity is gone.

As soon as Higgs is disconnected from his Beach Baby by Fragile, his delusions completely shatter and he immediately reverts to cold, hard logic, albeit the kind steeped in self-hatred. His ego does an immediate 180 and he realizes, "it was all make believe,” and "a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and righteous fury. Signifying nothing." It hits him all at once: he was nothing but a pawn, a tool, a means to an end, played for a fool. Upon seeing the error of his ways, he can only lament how blind he was. The book decidedly doesn't kill him, instead leaving him on the Beach, "alone, without a person in the world to connect to," thinking, "this is how I'm meant to be," as he remains stranded "with nothing else to do but continue to confess his endless sins."

We'll never know how much of Higgs' mindset and atrocities were truly his own, while acting as Amelie's herald, and how much of it was solely based on Amelie's unseen influence. Just like Lady Macbeth, Higgs is both villain and victim to a greater evil, so to speak.

#the other thing is i don't think amelie fully understood the beach babies. just as bridges didn't understand BBs all that well #she just found them (the first one just Appeared to Bridget on the Beach. nailed to a giant crucifix. and she just. kept it) #but in conclusion i am obtaining a restraining order against amelie on my boy's behalf. i'm suing. emotional damage!!!!!!! abuse!!!!!!!!!! #poor higgs. he really didn't stand a chance. he could've been someone incredible but amelie really said 'i can make him worse' #i'm standing firm on the narrative that higgs is thematically an abuse survivor. not just regarding his uncle #amelie abused him emotionally and psychologically. but y'all ain't ready to talk about that :) #love love love higgs as the imperfect victim. trauma expression and survival is not always pretty or acceptable. it is ugly and violent. #higgs monaghan #death stranding #ds analysis #ds novelization #logan.txt

[nothing0fnothing]

Survivors of domestic violence: narcissistic abuse is real.

Survivors of childhood violence: narcissistic abuse is real.

Survivors of emotional and psychological abuse: narcissistic abuse is real.

Loved ones of survivors: narcissistic abuse is real.

Therapists specialising in abuse recovery: narcissistic abuse is real.

Experts in abnormal psychology: narcissistic abuse is real.

People with CTPSD: narcissistic abuse is real.

Psychologists studying the effect of long term abuse on the brain: narcissistic abuse is real.

People with diagnosed cluster B disorders: narcissistic abuse is real.

Disabled people who are more likely to be abused than abled people: narcissistic abuse is real.

The therapy prescribed to people diagnosed with cluster B disorders: narcissistic abuse is real.

Self identified "narcissists" on tumblr: nuh-uh.

#narcissistic abuse #narcissisticgaslighting #narcissism is not npd #narcissistic abuse is not real #narcissistic abuse is real #abnormal psychology #narcissistic abuse awareness #narcissistic abuse survivor #cpstd #narcissistic abuse recovery #abuse recovery

[neuroticboyfriend]

okay. i finally found something on parents love bombing that is not ableist against cluster B's or encouraging parents to love bomb. it's in the form of a comment on this reddit post from 6 years ago. here's the comment, from u/Glaucus92:

Lovebombing is part of the cycle of abuse. The cycle you'll usually find is this one:

Calm -> Tension building -> Incident -> Reconcilliation -> Calm

Lovebombing is part of the "Reconcilliation" part. After an incident, a victim will usually try to confront, give consequences to, or withdraw form the abuser. In order to keep the victim close, to keep power over them, an abuser may lovebomb their victim. It is not linked to a specifc role in an abisive dynamic. It is a technique used by abuser as a reaction to 'losing' a victim.

The abuser will (attempt to) be the person you always wanted them to be. That can be the parent that listens to you when you talk about your interest. It can be that they tell you how proud they are of you, how they've always been proud, etc. It can be that they buy you gifts or give you money. This behaviour isn't exclusive to abusive parents either; think of how an abusive spouse might organize a wonderful date or get an expensive gift for their victims.

The goal of the lovebombing is to give you a little taste of what you usually never get from them, be it attention, financial aid, praise, compliments, whatever. By giving you that tiny bit, they are basically pretending that they can be this nice, loving parent. The underlying unspoken message of course being that things could be like this, if only you tried harder, or weren't like x, or were more like y. Because without the realization that they are abusive, it doesn't make sense for them to purposefully hurt you and then be really nice to you.

Lovebombing insipres false hope that if only you could be better, the abuser wouldn't be abusive. It also helps wiht the gaslighting; when they do all these nice things for you in that moment, you might think that you over-exagerated the previous abuse. It's usually only when you look back and realise that all these 'nice' things only happened when you were upset with them or withdrew from them.

Since you asked for examples:

A parent who is usually very disinterested in your life suddenly makes a lot of effort to discuss you hobbies with you.

A parent might start to give you a lot of compliments all of a sudden, or tell stories about how they've told others about how amazing you are.

Parents might give you gifts for no reason. Stating that they just wanted to be nice, or just thought of you when they saw it.

They might start calling or visiting a lot, especially when they previously didn't. Saying things about how much they miss you.

Trying to harken back to 'the good old days'. Sending you pictures of happy childhood memories or recounting old stories.

It might be straight up bribery. A conflict happens, and after the intial blow up you are given cash/money to buy something nice or becasue they ust want to help.

A parent might try to smooth things over by taking you to a place or on a trip you wanted to go to.

I know some of these might sound like perfectly normal things, and they would be coming from non-abusive people. It becomes an abusive tactic when it happens more often than not (or in greater intesity) after a conflict has occured. It also almost always happens in lieu of an actual apology. By lovebombing instead of apologizing, the abuser doesn't have to take responisbility for their action. The unspoken agreement that governs this is that by accepting the gift/loveboming, the victim doesn't hold the abuser accountable.

#softspoonie #abusive parents #abusive parent #abusive father #abuse #emotional abuse #love bombing #lovebombing #abuse survivor #cycle of abuse #verbal abuse #psychological abuse #gaslighting #manipulation #mental health #trauma #trauma survivor #trauma survival #abuse survival #abusive relationship #abusive #abusiveness #mental abuse #trauma awareness #mental health awareness

[kenmakaminari]

Things I thought were normal until people I know pointed out that they were trauma responses!!!

(people being my friends, and even my therapist(s))

18 bullets

WARNINGS: mentions of abuse, mentions of csa, mentions of death/dying, disassociation, talk about tampons, probably quite a few typo's

Disassociation, especially when people are yelling or i feel like they are upset with me

Over explaining myself

Not being able to make a decision, even a small one

Not crying for over 10 years!

Never feeling attached to anyone or anything

Reading. Not normal reading, but always having a book or my phone on me, ready to read whenever normal life felt like it was too much

Hypersexuality starting at age 8

Tampons never feeling comfortable, or my body physically rejecting them and pushing them out

Being scared to tell the truth, but also scared to lie. And therefore just saying "I don't know" to even the smallest things

Being afraid or adults or any form of authority, even other kids

Being scared of going to sleep, because i thought that I was going to die. But then being confused because I wanted to die, so why was I scared? (I was scared because I didn't want my younger sisters finding me dead, because I knew deep down that they would check on me before my parents ever would - found that out years later)

Forgetting that I had a baby sister when I was 5 years old (she was in a different foster home than my other sister and I. Luckly we were all adopted together)

Thinking that since my adoptive parents have never hit, touched, or neglected us I have no reason to complain about them, and I'm just being dramatic

Starring blankly at walls, or into space for minutes to hours at a time

being incredibly quiet one day, and then being super hyperactive and happy the next

Crying when angry, and then crying more because I'm trying to be mad not upset

Over-analyzing everyone's intentions, always thinking that people have ulterior motives for being nice

Knowing which family member is walking past my room by the sound of their footsteps.

#ptsd #childhood trauma #mental health #mental illness #dissociation #reactive attachment disorder #psychology #trauma #dissociative disorder #trauma response #trauma responses #csa survivor #emotional abuse #adoptee #things i thought were normal #hypersexual

[greenevergreens]

Narcissistic abuse is real, and don't let ANYONE try to convince you that the hell you went through didn't happen and no matter what DO NOT let ANYONE convince you that YOU are in the wrong for talking about the abuse you endured and giving that abuse the appropriate name of narcissistic abuse.

#narcissistic abuse #narcissistic abuse survivor #narcissistic abuse is real #narcissistic abuse is no joke #narcissism #npd #narcissists die #narcissists are abusers #narc abuse #narc abuse is real #abuse survivior #abuse #tw abuse #emotional abuse #child abusers #narcissists fuck off #narcs fuck off #psychological abuse #mental abuse

[whereserpentswalk]

When I was a teenager, I asked my dad how he'd feel about having a queer child. And he said it would be like having your favorite toy break and never being able to fix it. And he didn't know I was queer. He didn't know that I was queer. He still doesn't. But I still feel like that. I still feel like a broken toy that can never be fixed.

#196 #my thougts #leftism #leftist #queer #queer rights #queer community #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #queerness #bi #biseuxal #bisexual #bisexuality #bisexaul #enby #nonbinary #non bianry #genderqueer #agender #abuse #abuse survivor #abusive parents #parental abuse #emotional abuse #psychological abuse

[caravanofdreamers]

I gave birth to an obscene anger

A raging, beastly blood curdling anger which good girls choke on.

An anger that devours.

I held onto it until it took hold of me .

It stayed with me when everything left,

My anger was a portal to my grief,

A portal that protected me as the years fell upon me.

My anger that saved me .

#repressed anger #anais nin #excerpts #female gaze #female poets #franz kafka #rainer maria rilke #poetry #short poem #writers on tumblr #life quotes #psychology #emotional abandonment #emotional abuse #tw abuse #abuse survivor #raised by narcissists #philosophy #female

[writeriteright]

eldest daughter

your round cheeks, a smile all baby teeth before you wore glasses, you looked just like me you spoke in little whispers, so gentle and sweet i taught you letters, excited for you to read

i cannot forget how little you were, so small but you grew so fast and you got tall enough for rollercoasters and water slides old enough for movies and motorcycle rides

old enough to be beat till you sobbed for mercy older and wronged, shivering in fury older still and afraid, running faster than tears this is how i began to fear it still haunts me after all these years

so i shush you when you cry so i threaten when you fight so i stayed awake at night so i learned how we survive

hush little baby, don’t say a word mama might come, but i got here first i know you’re scared, i know it hurts but if she comes, it will hurt worse

i age too fast, but still too slow to keep you safe from every blow i failed so i pray you hold your own

but when i beg forgiveness, you say what for you only know peacetime, never war i think i’m glad you don’t remember all

the bloodshed and the slaughter let it die with the eldest daughter

#prose #poetry #eldest daughter #mothers day #the maternal relationship #child abuse #child abuse survivor #physical abuse #psychological abuse

[vitalventing]

Missing your abusive ex is so confusing. Obviously I don’t miss the way I was treated but I miss who he was on the good days, I miss parts of his personality and the way he thought and moved himself. I still care for him, even though he has been so awful to me. What do I do with these feelings??

#ipv #dv #abuse #abuse victim #abuse survivor #abusive #toxic relationship #abusive relationship #intimate partner violence #domestic violence #domestic abuse #missing abusive ex #emotional abuse #mental abuse #psychological abuse #toxic ex #abusive ex

[chaos-in-one]

Ahem anyways

If you ever say physical abuse is inherently worse, more traumatizing, or is the only form of abuse that can cause complex trauma disorders (ex: DID, seen the take that that can only be caused by physical abuse several times), as a person who has been through both physical and mental + emotional abuse, and found the latter to be way more psychologically and long term damaging on so many levels for myself, I hope you never fucking speak again ♡

#no form of abuse is inherantly worse or better than another #mental abuse #psychological abuse #emotional abuse #physical abuse #abuse awareness #abuse survivor #child abuse survivor #trauma survivor #actually dissociative #actually traumagenic #actually traumatized #ableism

[etherealsign282]

"You have to forgive me and move on or else you're a bad person". Sounds exactly like what someone who isn't worth forgiving would say - (a fucked up person who can't prove they're worth forgiving so they have to manipulate it out of you by exploiting the kindness in you, as well as your fear of being a bad person)

#emotional abuse #trauma #mental illness #toxic #mental abuse #emotional #abuse survivor #forgiveness #never forgive #exploitation #manipulative #manipulate #martyr #true words #manipulation #psychological abuse

[pixiedoll2]

I'm a little lamb

A sacrificial lamb to their happiness

They keep dragging me to the alter

Im destined to get hurt over and over again

So they can wear the "perfect family " title

While the little lamb bleeds out in the background

#tw vent #sad poem #tw family trauma #family issues #actually cptsd #living with cptsd #cocsa survivor #csa vent #emotional abuse #dysfunctional family #toxic family #psychological abuse

[neuroticboyfriend]

i dont know what other abuse victim/survivor needs to hear this but, just because your abuser doesn't treat you "as bad" anymore doesn't mean how they treat you now makes your trauma invalid. abuse is abuse. neglect is neglect. gaslighting is gaslighting. any mistreatment is wrong.

they don't need to yell and scream at you to abuse you. they don't need to hit or threaten you to abuse you. they could pull a total 180 and become a better person, and you still wouldn't owe them anything. how they act now doesnt change what happened to you. it doesn't make your trauma, your anger, your fear, etc. invalid or wrong.

you do not need to forgive them, and you deserve to get away from them no matter what.

#softspoonie #abuse #abuse survivor #abuse victim #abuse survival #trauma survivor #trauma survival #trauma victim #physical abuse #emotional abuse #verbal abuse #psychological abuse #mental abuse #neglect #gaslighting #recovery #healing #survivor #survival

[brokenplushie]

Survivors of abuse kill themselves because killing their abusers is considered unlawful.

#okay to reblog #mayu's musing #abuse mention #abuse survivor #actually anxious #actually cptsd #actuallydepressed #actually mentally ill #actually ptsd #actuallysuicidal #actuallytraumatized #complex ptsd #emotional abuse #mental abuse #mentally ill #physical abuse #psychological abuse #ptsd recovery #trauma #trauma vent #tw abuse #tw sa #tw suicidal

[nothing0fnothing]

Did anyone else with abusive parents believe that the abuse was actually super good for them?

Like I can't have been the only smug ten year old thinking "oh yeah I'm actually gonna be the most well adjusted grown up because my parents are teaching me about the real world ™ early"

Then I got to adulthood and realised that silent walking and never speaking up for myself aren't really valuable skills outside of the home I grew up in, and actually I have a lot of trauma that's like, impeding my ability to function in regular life.

That realisation that oh no, actually having a harder life when I was twelve because my parents were abusive and controlling literally did diddly jack to prepare me for the rest of my life as a taxpaying adult, hit like a truck.

#abusive parents #child abuse tw #child abuse survivor #psychological trauma #trauma survivor #abuse survivor support #abuse survivor #living with ptsd #tw ptsd #ptsd recovery #cptsd recovery #cptsd life #cptsd problems #cptsd #actually cptsd #just cptsd things #narcissistic abuse #raised by narcissists #vent post #toxic parents #complex trauma #parental abuse #dysfunctional family #childhood trauma #dysfunctional household