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kirishoshego · 3 years

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Confidental Composition//Bakugo

!!!MINORS DNI!!! 18+ONLY !!!

This is the first part of my little 'Teachers Pet Series' (I will add the link once I got all parts covered and the right ideas).

Summary: A simple task fucked up late at night as you send the wrong version of a piece of homework to your English literature teacher Mister Bakugo. Of course, he would want to see you after class the next day. But not for the reasons you might think. Pairing: Docent!Bakugo x afab!student!y/n // Words: 4.2k+ Side note: Insert a friend or random name you want for X :)

TW: nsfw: slow burn (sorry), spanking with a ruler, hair pulling, being bend over a desk, calling him sir, spitting, choking, dirty talk, degrading, slight praise

„Write an essay about the worst description of a woman or coitus. In the essay, explain why it is bad and then rewrite it. At least 30 pages, max. 60 pages (sources and any other extras you please to include, excluded). Due Date: 8 weeks from now on, 35% worth of your end grade. Questions can be asked per E-Mail, or, if you must, I’m free every Wednesday afternoon for meetings strictly for this essay and this essay only.“

A sigh left your lips as you starred at the piece of paper for the tenth time today ever since he handed it out to you and your classmates. The options you had were endless, you knew so many bad pieces about both topics and could write more than 100 pages about them as well. Everyone in class you talked to had decided on their topic already, some were even further. It was X who told you to just write the topics on a piece of paper and let fate do its work.

Black ink on a badly ripped blue note decided that you were going to write about a sex scene. Just now that you thought about it, rewriting something like that for your professor to read was an awfully stupid idea, yet you decided to listen to a small piece of paper.

At first, you were going to go with Fifty Shades of Grey but you felt like the choice was chewed up and spat out. It took you three days to finally decide on a book and once you settled there was no turning back. Considering your ignited interest in this topic you weren’t surprised when you were done within the first four weeks. Knowing the editing is going to take another week, maybe even a week and a half, you decided to take a small break, just one or two days off. On your second day, you decided to visit the new coffee shop that had just opened up around the corner.

Never had you expected to see your professor near your living spot. You were about to greet him when you noticed his pissed-off expression on his face and only now did you spot the woman behind him. She grabbed his arm and made him turn on the relatively small and empty street.

„Suki you can’t be serious,“ she was angry and hurt, while he seemed to be angry and annoyed. Not much of a difference than to how you see him on the daily, to be honest. „Are you fucking stupid? Of course, I’m fucking god damn serious. It was your choice to cheat on me and now I choose to throw you on the streets where you apparently belong, go ask one of your little boy toys to take you in for all I care,“ you were frozen in place, not entirely sure what to do. Right now your eyes were glued on his chest that was clad in a tight, black pullover, rising up and down heavily as his nostrils were flared caused by his anger. „Because you gave me no choice! If you like that sort of weird, rough shit then paddle your own canoe! I need something soft and tender-,“ before she could finish her sentence he laughed. Cold and slightly maniac in a way.

„Then get some fucking chicken! If you don’t like how I’m in bed then break up with me and piss off but don’t send my best friend a nude to ask him to come over. Even a ten-year-old would see how stupid that is,“at that moment your eyes met. His eyebrows were furled together, red eyes expression furry and disgust. Blond hair usually styled like he was going to be on the cover of Vogue, like he had been before, now slightly messy. Plump lips slightly apart to let his teeth shine through slightly before wetting them with his tongue. Your eyes widened and before you knew what you were doing you waved at him, making him cock his eyebrows in confusion for a second before noticing it was you who he was looking at. Turning on your heels you walked past busy crowds of people as you walked back home, trying to understand what you had just seen and why your angry professor had turned you on more than anyone had done before.

It was a stupid idea to ditch the next teaching unit of his but you had absolutely no clue how you were going to look at him. You knew teachers had a private life themselves, but never would you have guessed that you would run into one of them in your small area. As far as you knew he lived across town according to the very, very few private stories he had shared in magazines.

„Dear Professor,

down below is my finished project as an attachment in form of a PDF. I know you request it to be printed as well and I had planned to hand it in today, but sadly I came down with the flu. I’m looking forward to attending your next unit in the following week.

Have a nice week,

Y/N Y/L/N“

Maybe he had forgotten that you were there already and you were worrying too much about it. You were his student, nothing more, nothing less. Bakugo could care less about you, right? The flu did go around a lot right now, so it wouldn’t be completely unthinkable that you were sick. Itching eyes signaled you that it was time to go to bed now, so you closed your laptop and went to bed, not knowing what the next day will hold for you.

X had waited for you at the main entrance the next day to give you all the information you might need and ask why you weren’t there, considering it was obvious that you had the flu for one day only. At first, you were hesitant to explain what you had witnessed, it was messy already and you doubt Mister Bakugo would want the fight to go viral at his workplace. „Just one of those days you know? I had my mind completely full and felt like crap,“ that was the best excuse you could come up with, a white little lie that wouldn’t harm anyone. „Glad to see you’re doing- Oh, hello Professor,“ X smiled at someone behind you. There was no need to turn around to know who it was, the scent of his very expensive and extremely beguiling perfume clouding your mind. „Hello,“ his gruff voice greeted your friend shortly as you turned around, met with his muscular chest. You didn’t expect him to be so close to you, but here you were, tilting your head slightly as you looked up to him through your lashes, feeling not just your cheeks growing hot. „Good morning Sir,“ your voice sounded a lot more confident than you were feeling. Bakugo clenched his fist around the fake leather of his bag, his red eyes starring right into your soul as you had no chance of escaping whatever was going to happen next. „Miss Y/L/N, just the person I was looking for,“ fuck. „You were?“ X and you said at the same time, but your friend decided to excuse themself after a single glare from the older man. „How may I help you, Professor?“ You asked after swallowing down the anxious feeling that threatened to rise. „I received your Mail yesterday, with the PDF,“ okay, why did he search you just to tell you he got your assignment? Was it that bad? „But I’m relatively sure that it was the wrong one, considering I doubt that you want your teacher to know that 'this shit is so bad, but I wouldn’t mind being bent over a writing desk like that' with a smirking emoji at the end,“ only when his finger pushed your chin upwards gently you noticed that it was agape, shame filling every molecule in your body as you already planned your escape out of this country. Nobody was near you to see the weirdly intimidating scene happening between you and your teacher.

„Also I know you didn’t have the flu. I don’t appreciate being lied to. Tomorrow five p.m. in my office, don’t be late or you will get in more trouble. Send me the actual version tonight so I can grade it. I won’t let something as unprofessional as this slide again, understood?“ You nodded, taking in all of the information given to you, and somewhat in all of this mess felt thankful that he was giving you a second chance. The man in front of you rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue, ordering you to speak up. „Yes Sir, thank you,“ you sounded more confident than you felt inside. „Good,“ was all Bakugo said before he turned around, leaving you behind in the big hall dumbfounded and confused… And horny.

As if Chronos himself felt immense joy in your misery, minutes appeared to be hours and the panic inside of you only grew the closer you came to five in the afternoon. You tried everything, watching a show, listening to podcasts and audiobooks, reading a book you had put of for so long, went outside, cooked something, worked on another assignment, stopped yourself from destroying your hair, made the phone call you so desperately had put off and it’s still only ten p.m on the same day. How was that even possible? As you laid in bed you tossed and turned, the thought of your really hot teacher all angry, breathing heavily, his hands roaming your body. It was hard to pinpoint exactly when those thoughts turned into a very lucid dream, but when you woke up in the morning, already an hour too late to your first period, all you wanted to do was scream into your pillow.

Considering first class is canceled, you wanna go grab breakfast? X texted you.

Canceled? Checking your mails you saw your teacher had sent out a mail, excusing themselves and explaining they came down with the flu. A blessing in disguise. You let X know that you would meet up at the building and go grab something near it. Once agreed, you took a quick shower, a moment of peace given to you as water hit your body. There was no way you could do anything between your last class and the meeting with Professor Bakugo, so you tried to look your best possible for the next upcoming hours.

Suddenly time flew by and the closer you got the more you begged for a little bit more time, for him to postpone it, anything. But no, here you were, five minutes early and looking around to spot the blond man with no luck. „Miss Y/L/N. Step inside,“ you jumped slightly as his voice boomed up behind you, not expecting him to be in the office already.

Once you walked inside you were stunned about how clean everything was, no matter where you looked it was neat. His books were sorted alphabetically with marks between them to let him know when a new letter began. As far as you could tell he used cherry wood for his pieces of furniture, a big, black carpet in a corner underneath a small seating area, and some books placed on the table. Even his paperwork was stacked in order. Big glass windows allowed the evening sun to fall into the room, its warmness kissing your skin while you were seated in front of him, a big writing desk between the two of you, on it your work.

It was quiet for a short moment, before he leaned back in his chair, red eyes mustering you up and down which didn’t help at all. „What would you like to talk about first? Your assignment or the fact that you lied to me?“ Why was he so bothered by your lie? You knew plenty of students calling in sick every once in a while even though they aren’t. „I apologize for both of it. It shouldn’t have happened and I learned from my mistake,“ you were hoping that it would ease his anger a little bit but he seemed more worked up than usual. „Although I don’t understand why you are so angry at me for it? Plenty students lie-,“ „Yes, but they aren’t stupid enough to make it so obvious,“ he interrupted you. „I could care less about who’s missing my class, it’s their fault in the end if they decide learning is unnecessary. However you are one of my top students, I expected better from you. You could have excused yourself with no explanation. But you chose to add the feeble lie about being sick for what?“

You took in a deep breath, feeling as if another lie would be caught immediate, so you had no other choice but to tell him the real reason: „I heard the fight you had with the woman you were with, in the café, and I didn’t know how to react when I see you in your class,“ there was a small moment where he looked honestly confused before something clicked in his brain. „So it was you who I saw. What did you hear?“ „I can’t really rem-,“ „One more lie and I will lose my temper, don’t test me,“ shit, why was he turning you on so much right now. He’s your teacher for god’s sake and angry at you, this wasn’t the right time. „That she doesn’t agree with certain things in your private life,“ „Like?“ he knew you tried to talk around it, yet he wanted you to talk about, to see you embarrassed again, he liked that look on you. „The way you fuck,“ it was said before your brain could even comprehend the words, another apology laying at the tip of your tongue but his next question cut you off before you could say something else. „Why were you there in the first place? I’ve been there a few times and never saw you or any other student,“ he explained. „Because I live close by?“ It sounded more defiantly than you had wanted, causing your opponent to cock his eyebrow.

„I feel like you’re forgetting who’s the authority figure here,“ he walked up to his door, locking it before coming back. Now he was right in front of you, slightly sitting on his desk and the sleeves of his button-up shirt pushed up a little. „No sir, I’m sorry,“ „You see, the problem is, I don’t really believe you,“ with that he pulled you up, bodies pressed against each other, letting you feel his toned torso while the muscles in his arms flexed slightly.

„You lied to me once already, I think I have to teach you a lesson,“ everything happened so fast and you suddenly found yourself face down on his desk with his hand between your shoulder blades, the other one grabbing his wooden ruler. „If I recall correctly this is what you wanted right?“ His voice was low, slightly above a whisper as his upper body was pressed against your back while he pulled a few hair strands from your face. „Yes, but Professor I don’t think this is a good idea,“ your inner voice yelled at you, saying this was the best idea ever, angry that you possibly ruined your dreams coming true.

„Tell me to stop and I will do so immediately. Your choice. There will be no consequences if you worry about that,“ he reassured you, waiting for you to get up and run, but you didn’t and the current position allowed him to feel you clench your legs. „So?“ He asked again, the ruler in his hand basically burning with the anticipation of hitting your skin. „No, don't stop,“ you breathed, awaiting his next move.

„Good,“ with that he exposed your raised ass, your underwear the only thing between your bare skin and the wood that came down upon it, one foot raising in the air because of the sudden pain. „From now on if you say stop I won’t listen, you will tell me how you feel through colors. If it’s too much you tell me red and I will drop everything, understood?“ Another spank was delivered to the same spot.

„Yes,“ another one. You weren’t sure if he hit harder or if your skin turned more sensitive with every blow.

„It’s sir to you,“ you could feel him lunge out but shortly before the ruler came down he stoped, laughing slightly at your small jump.

„Yes sir,“ another one.

„You’re going to apologize every time my ruler paints your cute ass even redder, got it?“ You nodded your head, a moan escaping the back of your throat as he spanked you yet again.

„One more thing, be a good girl and stay quiet, wouldn’t wanna get caught now do we?“ He knew it was going to be torture for you to follow his order the more he continued and in a way he wanted you to fail. There was so much build-up inside of him and it appears that you were willing enough for him to use you as he pleased. That’s why you were his favorite. Bakugo knew what he was doing was wrong and he never expected to feel this way for one of his students but forbidden fruit tastes the best.

You stopped counting after the seventh blow, sorries, sirs and small whimpers fall from your lips as if they were your whole vocabulary. At one point you started crying, tears mixed with mascara running down your cheeks. He tried to remember something that turned him on more than the sight of your messed-up body with no luck. Everything build up inside of him, everything itching in his hands, the inner desires he had to soften for his ex, it all was going to come down on you. His thick girth twitched at the simple thought of finally being surrounded by your dripping wet cunt.

A warm soft hand rubbed over your bruised flesh while the other one found its way into your hair to pull you up to him, your back arched.

„What are you sorry for?“ Your mind was clouded with pleasure and pain, the only thought right now was the feeling of his dick print right between your sore cheeks. „I asked my little bitch a question, I expect you to fucking answer,“ this time he spanked you with his hand but it was just as intense as his ruler. „I don’t know,“ you breathed, a soft moan slipping out of you when his thumb barely circled your throbbing clit. „You’re just apologizing because you want me to use you?“ You could hear him chuckle lowly before he pushed your underwear to the side, his middle finger now playing with you. „Yes sir,“ Katsuki couldn’t hear a single ounce of shame in your voice and he wondered how long you had been thinking about him like this before.

„I never expected you to be such a dumb, cock hungry whore,“ The sound of his belt hitting the floor was dull like it was far away from you but at the same time, you felt him closer than before. Strong hands around your waist turned you around and once again he lifted your head with his finger underneath your chin, studying your ruined make-up as if he was memorizing every little detail he never wanted to forget. The blond, muscular man lifted you with ease, your behind getting a small moment of cooling as it hit his wooden desk.

Bakugo dried your tears slightly with his thumb, smearing it even more. „Only for you,“ you whispered and in that moment he couldn’t stop himself, he just had to kiss you. Not sweet and gentle, but passionately and hungry, like he was poisoned and your kiss was the antidote. The hand behind your head traveling to the front as you were laid down completely.

„If I had known before I would have fucked you so much sooner,“ with one hard thrust he was buried deep inside of you, one hand over your mouth because he knew you wouldn’t be able to keep quiet and the other one around your throat, squeezing shut and watching you struggle against it slightly. Your professor was thicker than what you were used to and you didn’t know how good it would feel until now. With the first few snaps of his hips, you knew you never wanted to feel something else anymore.

Your hands went to his arms and you tugged on them, causing him to let go as the blood found its way back to your brain. „Color?“ he asked, afraid you weren’t able to handle him. „Green,“ was all you could get out before another moan cut off your ability to talk.

„Good girl,“ he whispered into your ear, kissing down from your earlobe to your shoulder before sucking on a rather sensitive spot. Both of your wrists were held over your head with his left hand, with the explanation that he doesn’t appreciate being stopped while using you however he pleased. The right hand was going from between your chest after he admired your bouncing tits thoroughly, to your stomach to connect with your most sensitive bundle of nerves. Bakugo switched from circles to eights, from fast to slow, but the harshness of his hips never haltered.

„I know you wanna scream right now, but I can’t allow that. Can’t let others hear what a dirty slut you are for me right now. I promise I will fuck you in my house if you behave now. You can moan my name as much as you want. Or maybe I will gag you, watch you drool all over yourself. Maybe I will tie you up and edge you for an hour straight until you’re begging me to fuck you, you like the sound of that, huh? I can feel you squeezing around me,“ another chuckle left his plump lips as he watched you struggle to stay up on your feet.

„Maybe I will let you choke on my dick while I work on something for the next lesson. Gonna use you as my little cum dump. Let you think about it again when I talk about it in front of the whole class. Do-,“ you were so close when a sudden knock on the door startled you both, but he never once stopped what he was doing, if anything he went even harder, whispering into your ear to be quiet for him.

„Hey Kat, your ex is outside and says she wants to talk, want me to send her in?“ It was the psychologist professor Shinso, his voice as done and deep as usual. „No, I’m occupied,“ Bakugo saw your mouth open after you fought so hard against it, he couldn’t let you moan, not right now. He did the first thing he could think of, spitting into it and watching you swallow. Oh, he would definitely film you do this with his cum covering you everywhere and the thought brought him slightly closer to his release. „Still grading papers huh? I don’t get where you got all of that energy from,“ his voice was blurred out by Bakugo whispering into your ear. „Do you want me to tell you what we're doing right now? Let him know I’m fucking my little toy stupid right now?“ And while you were shaking your head no it was the last straw for you and you found yourself grabbing his hand to put over your mouth, biting your lips until you tasted blood to muffle the scream you couldn’t stop. Bakugo cursed under his breath when he could feel you throbbing around his dick and your nails digging into his arm. „Tell her to leave me the fuck alone, she’s already forgotten,“ his voice sounded strained and you knew he was close as well. „Ah, I see. Well then have fun,“ his laugh was fading away the further he went.

„Can’t believe that made you cum, you’re even more perfect than I thought, such a dirty girl, tsk,“ both his hands are on your hips and he pulled your body against him with every thrust. You were still coming down from your orgasm when you felt his thrusts turning sloppy before he stopped completely, his dick now pulsing while he was holding you tightly. Breath uneven and getting stable on his feet again he turned you around, careful so he wouldn’t hurt you.

„Next time I gonna make sure you can’t walk but right now I need you to be able to leave the building,“ he pulled his pants back up and added: „Sadly,“ before walking around his desk.

It was still hard for you to stand so you sat down, wincing as the usually soft cushion now felt like thousand of tiny spikes on your bruised ass. Before you pull your bottoms up again he grabbed your wrist and pulled you up, once again with a stern expression on his face you were so familiar with.

„I apparently really fucked you stupid if you think I let you leave like this,“ having him put cooling cream on your bare bum felt more intimate than having him be balls deep inside you. „Sorry I just thought-,“ „Well, you thought wrong. I don’t know what kind of boys you had in the past but now that you have me there are going to be changes, got that?“

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weasleydream · 3 years

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unfairness

here it is, my participation to @omgrachwrites writing challenge! once again, congrats for 1k love, so happy for you!!

the prompts were “I’ll feel much better if you let me walk you home.” ; “I really want to kiss you right now.” “Do it then.” and “This is all in my head. It’s all happening in my head.”

As usual, feel free to like, comment, reblog and enjoy!

TW: the end can be a bit violent

masterlist

We had realized our relationship wasn’t as bright as we had thought when an umpteenth rumor about us had spread between Hogwarts’ walls, at some point during our sixth year of school. It wasn’t the first, far from that, but it was definitely the worst because it also involved this Ravenclaw guy whose name was still unknown to me at the time. As far as I could tell, there had always been jealous girls that had tried to get Fred to dump me, and plenty of boys that wanted to convince me that they had more to offer than the Weasley boy. The only difference with this rumor was that Fred kinda despised said Ravenclaw boy because of a Quidditch match the year before, and he had turned his nervousness into a burst of anger I hadn’t anticipated. Problem is that, at the same time, I had heard Angelina telling Katie that Lee had told her that George had implied that Fred was seeing someone else, and just everything that had happened that year had gotten the best of me.

Our first break up had occurred a week after we had heard about these rumours, and during the rest of our sixth year and most of our seventh until now, we had ended our relationship twice more.

The worst in all of this was that I loved Fred. So fucking much. I loved him and I was ready to do anything for him, and I knew it was the same for him, but it was just not possible to keep a relationship as ours was. We didn’t have the same interests at all, Fred was obsessed with his shop project and me with the learning of defense against the dark arts (through Dumbledore’s army, of course). He was nonchalant and sometimes forgetful, I was fussy and very sensitive. When one of us was too busy, a date planned was quickly forgotten and the fight very likely to happen.

That’s why, as I was in my dorm trying to choose what to wear, the main question in my mind was to know if it was worth it. A few clothes were scattered on my bed, and two pairs of boots were thrown on the floor. It had been almost half an hour and I only had twenty minutes left before having to join Fred who would probably be waiting for me in the common room. I had hoped this little preparation session would help me ease my terrible mood but it seemed that it was a fail. Finally opting for comfortable jeans and one of Fred’s sweaters - even though we were almost in June, the week had been a bit cold - I spent the rest of my time reading again some transfiguration notes. I headed downstairs exactly twenty minutes later only to find the common room completely empty.

“Of course…” I muttered.

As soon as the portrait opened, the noise in the corridors broke the silence I had been plunged in for an hour. Some people were talking about the coming exams, others about the next class they would have. Not once did I hear my name in a conversation, which had become quite rare with the time. I had learned the hard way that people always had something to say about my relationship with Fred, and if there wasn’t any tasty gossip, then inventing one wasn’t a problem.

I found Fred in the great hall, sitting with George, Ron and Harry. They were all talking about something that had to be classified as a defence secret considering how they suddenly became interested in everything that wasn’t me. Ron and Harry turned to Hermione, who was sitting at the table behind them, and George patted Fred’s shoulder before nodding at me and leaving without a word. It was usual, this taciturn behaviour George had when I was here; we had never gotten along that well, and if I was being honest, it was probably another problem between Fred and I.

We headed outside and took the road to Hogsmeade. We were walking next to each other, our hands brushing every now and then without ever really touching. The distance had become natural, touches were rare now and it was in moments like these that I hated it the most. Hating on the happy couples we saw on our way was easier than trying to find something nice to talk about, so that’s what I did. Fred looked like he was lost in his world and he only gave me some attention when he pushed the Three Broomsticks’ door for me. We found a table against a window, which provided a nice warmth, and Fred put his jacket on the chair.

“Butterbeer or hot chocolate?”

“You know the answer.” I said, playing with my sleeve.

“So it’ll be hot chocolate with chamallows for the damsel.”

He left with a smile to order our drinks, leaving me alone for a good five minutes. When he came back, a pint of butterbeer in one hand and a mug of hot chocolate in the other, I had had plenty of time to ruminate over everything I had decided to talk about with him during the past two days. However, the chuckle that shook his shoulders when he told me about the guy who had just tripped with three bottles of butterbeer in his hands stopped me. It could be a good afternoon, and these were too rare for my liking. It happened of course, our relationship wasn’t absolute hell, but it had definitely worsened with the time.

“Y/N, you okay? You look quite pale.” Fred was looking at me with concern in the eyes. “No, don’t tell me: I bet a galleon you’ve been working on your potion essay until very very late at night. How right am I?”

“Very right,” I muttered before passing a hand on my face. “I don’t get it. How can you spend so little time on your work without being at least a little bit nervous?”

“You know I don’t really care about all of this. I’ve got other priorities and bigger ambitions.”

“I know, but you’ll need this knowledge, won’t you?”

Fred was keen to avoid another argument, and he sighed loudly.

“We’ve already talked about this Y/N, George and I can do without all this scolar stuff. Plenty of people have done that already.”

“I know, I know.”

“I’m sorry we’ve spent all that time arguing.” added Fred after a pause. “It’s not time we can gain back.”

“Maybe we can’t,” I began cautiously, “but we can try to do better. Try not to lose more time.”

“It’s not like we have more time to lose anyway.” Another pause. “Do you want to take a walk? Looks like it’s getting warmer outside.”

We got up and exited the pub. Indeed, the sun was higher in the sky and its rays weren’t hidden by clouds. The warmth on my face was more than welcome, and the pleasant sensation made me forget Fred’s last sentence.

This time, he grabbed my hand and we exchanged jokes on the way back to the castle. We bumped into a few friends and even one or two professors, but most of the time it was just Fred and I. Until the moment we arrived near the castle entrance, that is.

“Hey Y/L/N, how are you?”

A Slytherin guy stepped in front of me, obliging me to stop and pull on Fred’s hand. The least I could say was that he didn’t look pleased at all with the interruption. The Slytherin didn’t look like he gave a care and kept smiling at me.

“I was thinking, we could go to Hogsmeade together one of these days. I mean, I guess you want to cover your back, so I’m here if-”

I wanted this pretentious git to shut up, and it looked like Fred had read in my mind because his fist collided with the nose of the guy with a disgusting noise of cracked bone.

“That’s what you get for trying to ask my girlfriend out.” he muttered before grabbing my hand.

I should have said something, whether thank you or are you crazy? but in all honesty I was trying to calm my heart, which was beating like crazy. It was rare to hear such words from Fred’s mouth or so it had become, but hearing him calling me his girlfriend, punching a guy that was hitting on me, that gave me hope for our couple.

And it made it even more painful when, a few weeks later, Fred left Hogwarts with George on his broom without a word to me. Without something as simple as a glance behind. All I could do was watch helplessly as he saluted Peeves and flew away and try to process the fact that he was giving up on me. Did that mean that we weren’t together anymore? That he had decided on his own he had enough of me, that I wasn’t worth the effort? It’s right here, alone in this crowded corridor after the most crazy departure from the castle we had witnessed, that I understood the meaning of what Fred had told me back at the Three Broomsticks, during our last date. It’s not like we have more time to lose anyway. What an idiot I had been! Here I was, thinking he was talking about the war, persuaded that he was just being extremely pessimistic, when he was in fact confessing that he was going to leave the castle and basically dump me without having the decency to assume it in front of me! I got back to my dorm, trying my best to keep a neutral face as I knew most of the students I would bump into were going to search for the slightest ounce of pain on my face. I only let my walls crumble when I got to the common room, and the first sobs left my mouth when the door of the dorm was closed.

I threw myself on my bed and grabbed the pillow that I wedged underneath my chest. The anger would come later; for now, I needed to cry as many tears as I had in stock. I stayed in my bed the rest of the day, did surprisingly well in faking sleep when the dorm filled, and spent an agitated night. When I got up the next morning, my first thought was to wonder why my head was so heavy and painful, and when I remembered, my second thought was that it was time for anger. I grabbed my prettiest shirt, slipped in a particularly fitting pair of jeans, and watched myself in the mirror, hoping to fool people enough to avoid questions. At the sight of my dull skin, my eye bags and my glossy eyes, I realized the most beautiful clothes in the world wouldn’t make me feel better, so I sighed, grabbed my bag, sighed again and left the dorm with one goal: forgetting Fred Weasley, my love for him and the pain he had caused me.

_ _ _

A few months later, it had become very obvious that I had failed that goal. I was still full of resentment toward Fred and what he had done, and I was able to get really irritated when someone reminded me of him in any way. The fact that I had gotten involved completely in the Order and that most of his family was in it too didn’t help at all and it had led to a few encounters I would have given anything to avoid. Fortunately, he was busy with his joke shop and we never saw each other long enough to say more than hello. Well, that was before Mrs Weasley organized a diner at the Burrow with a few members of the Order, me included.

She had been particularly pleased to see me, and Ginny had confessed it was because her mother was persuaded I would run away.

“You know, because of the git I have to call my brother.” she had added with a disapproving pout.

Ginny had been very disappointed in Fred when he had left, not because of school because she would have done the same if she could but because he had left me on the sidelines. She was a good friend and confident, and even though family was everything to her, she had assured me she would never forgive Fred for what she used to call “a very stupid mistake”. However, as I was squeezed on the couch between her and Tonks, all the support she could provide me wasn’t enough considering the fact that Fred was only a meter or two away and his eyes were fixed on me. I was repeating myself that it didn’t matter, I didn’t care, it didn’t matter, but his gaze seemed to be getting heavier as the minutes passed by. It took me a good quarter of an hour to gather enough courage to look directly at him with the idea of making him understand he was annoying me, but the strange sparkle in his eyes intrigued me more than it should and I found myself looking away faster than what my ego could accept. A few seconds later, his hand was on my shoulder.

“Do you mind if we talk?”

Ginny’s elbow hit my ribs repetitively until I sighed. I got up without a word and lifted an eyebrow, which Fred interpreted as a positive answer and apparently as an authorization to grab my hand.

“Don’t go too far.” I warned before removing my hand and walking toward the stairs.

I didn’t know how this would turn out as we hadn’t had any proper conversation since he had left months ago. All this rancour I had built up was ready to resurface at any moment, and I wanted to do my best to avoid the disaster. That’s why I decided it would be better if this conversation happened on a ground as neutral as possible, which would be complicated considering the fact that I was in his childhood home, but not impossible. I settled for a room I was sure wasn’t the twins’, maybe Bill’s, and if he wondered why this choice, Fred never questioned it out loud. The door closed behind his back, and I was surprised to notice that it didn’t cause me any anxiety.

“You look tired.” he finally said with a certain hesitation when he understood I wouldn’t speak first.

Quite honestly, I had imagined a lot of things, but certainly not this.

“I’m- what? What does that mean?” I added with a grunt.

“It means I think you look tired. Is it that surprising?”

“That you’re concerned for my well-being? Since you left school without telling me and didn’t give me any news I have to admit that yes, it’s surprising!”

It was too late to contain my anger as it seemed, and I decided the best I could do was leave the room before exploding. It was without counting on Fred though, who visibly didn’t want me to leave.

“Get out of the way Fred, there’s nothing left to say.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, there’s everything to say.”

We looked each other in the eyes for quite a long time, and I eventually sighed before looking away, too afraid of the heartbeat my heart missed.

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but I’m sorry for what I did.”

“You’re right, I don’t want to hear it.”

“I wanted to tell you, really, I did, but things weren’t great between us and… I don’t know, I didn’t think that much.” I scoffed and took a step backward. Fred’s eyes were filled with what I had a hard time admitting was sadness - or regret, maybe? - and they followed every movement I made to sit on the bed. “Listen Y/N, back then I really loved you and I still love you now. But this thing between us… It turned out not good at all, it wasn’t healthy for us to keep it the way it was.”

“So you think you only had two options? You decided by yourself you had to choose between staying with me and keep suffering or leaving without a word?” My voice was maybe a bit louder than intended, but it was too late to keep my heart closed. He wanted a discussion, he would have it. “You never for a second imagined we could make it work again? Fred, what you did was breaking my heart, nothing else!”

“And I broke mine in the process.”

“I- I don’t believe you. You’re the one who made the decision, you are the responsible. You are responsible!”

Fred looked away, and I could have sworn he was tearing up. All the words he could have come up with wouldn’t have changed my mind, but the tears that were now threatening to run down his face made my anger falter. It wasn’t pity but comprehension; these tears, they had covered my face so many times these last months and even before that I could recognize them undoubtedly. I was blaming Fred for leaving me, and even if I wouldn’t forgive him for the way he did it, blaming him for wanting a true breakup would be hypocritical. After all, hadn’t I thought about it myself? The only difference was that Fred had been brave enough to end it, not me. But that didn’t make the abandon any less painful, or these last months any less hard to think about.

“Why now? It’s been months, why do you apologize now?”

Fred sniffed quietly and passed his hand on his face, wiping away a few tears in the process.

“Would you have let me apologize before?” Of course not, I would have punched him and left. “We were both hating me for what I did Y/N, and… I know I’m not pardonable, I just want you to understand that I regret and that no matter what happened, I’ll always be there if you need me.”

“I’ll be too Fred, trust me. But you’re right, you’re not pardonable.”

And I left without saying anything else, closed quietly the door between Fred and I, and it felt like it was the definitive end for us.

_ _ _

Something like three weeks later, the situation of the wizarding world had worsened exponentially. Attacks from death eaters were getting more and more common, and this toward muggles, blood traitors and members of the Order. Two weeks ago, I had participated in my first real monitoring mission with Tonks, and that had made me a veritable member of the Order with all the dangers that it implied. My relationship with Fred had become a bit better after our conversation at the Burrow and he had been the first to show worry about me. An hour or so before my departure for the mission with Tonks, he had left the shop to find me and tell me to keep the Dumbledore’s Army galleon so that he could know if I was in trouble. I had accepted because I wanted him to leave but with time, I had concluded that having it with me was reassuring. I would have never admitted it in front of him though.

A few days ago, Fred had invited me for a special evening at the shop that was organized for the presentation of a new product. He had refused to tell me anything about it and had assured me I would find it hilarious. I wanted to go but the thought of spending an evening with him still made me uncomfortable. Finally, I had accepted on the condition that Ginny was coming with me.

The first thought that crossed my head when I apparated in Diagon Alley is that never in my life would I have thought it possible to see it so empty, so lifeless. Almost all the boutiques I had visited so many times were closed, some because the owner had stopped their activity for a question of security and others because of much darker reasons. My eyes found the only bright light of the alley and I picked up the pace to reach the twins’ shop quicker. All the customers were hurrying inside, they probably felt as oppressed as I did.

“Here you are!” exclaimed Ginny when I reached the door. “I was beginning to think you had changed your mind. Glad you didn’t though, George told me what the new product is and it really seems fun.”

I hummed absent-mindedly as my eyes left the floor to wander around me. Trying to convince myself I wasn’t looking for Fred would have been stupid and a loss of time, so I just grumbled once more at my weakness and asked Ginny where her brother was.

“Probably in the back shop preparing his grand entrance. Come on, let’s get closer to the stage.”

If she didn’t make any comment, I didn’t miss her smirk as she grabbed my hand to drag me through the crowd of customers. We finally reached the stage that was occupying all the space in this part of the shop, and I found an empty spot somewhere on the left. On the stage was a huge white cover that was hiding what looked like a board and a table one behind the other, and I barely had the time to think that it was a very simple installation before the twins made their appearance. Everyone cheered and especially the younger ones and Ginny. For my part, I adopted a small smile that widened when Fred winked at me - against my will, I promise.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” began Fred.

“Dear customers,” continued George.

“Let us present to you our latest product.”

“It is the result of a long work of research and development-”

“And your future darling, it’s a promise.”

George waved his wand and the cover disappeared.

At first, the silence seemed very heavy, and I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell had happened in their heads to create such a thing in times like these. Then, a kid in the audience giggled, and it seemed to relax everyone; laughter burst and some were already shaking their wallet. Ginny was applauding and shaking her head. The twins’ smiles widened and they got off of the platform to reach out to their customers.

It was fun indeed, but I couldn’t help but wonder if they truly measured the impact of what they had just done.

_ _ _

“U-no-poo Fred? Really?”

Fred giggled as if I had just told him a very good joke he had never heard before.

“You have to admit that’s pretty clever!”

“That’s not clever, that’s stupid and not fun at all and- and that’s dangerous Fred!”

His gaze softened, but he didn’t let go of that cocky smirk.

“Y/N, would you happen to be worried?”

“No, I was just thinking your instinct for survival was better than that.” My averted eyes didn’t mislead anyone though. “I don’t want you to get in trouble for this Fred, that’s all.”

“I won’t, don’t worry.” He hesitated for a second, and our eyes fell on the hand he had lifted and stopped above my shoulder. I didn’t say anything and he squeezed it gently. “These laughter earlier, that’s why we’re taking the risk. You have your way to fight the darkness, I have mine, that’s all.” I didn’t find anything to reply to that. “You know, I didn’t think you would come tonight, even Ginny was doubtful. And given the look on your face when I told you about it I thought you would refuse, really.” Fred paused and his fingers clenched lightly against my shoulder once more. “Why did you decide otherwise?”

That was a good question. Why? I had spent the last few days trying to figure out why the first answer in my head had been immediate and positive, why my heart had first beaten like crazy at the thought of seeing Fred again instead of aching as it used to, why I couldn’t hate him as much as I thought I did, as much as I thought I had to. Suddenly, some customer’s shoulder collided with my back with enough strength to make me lose my balance. The position we ended up in felt natural, as if Fred’s torso had always been there for me to rest my head on it and his hands were meant to be on my back.

“I had missed this.” I murmured, and I felt his agreement through the vibrating of his body.

I timidly encircled him with my own arms, and the feeling was so unhoped for, I had craved it for so long, that I found myself unable to move away from him. The more time passed by and the tighter our embrace was until it became almost difficult to breathe.

“Maybe I should…” muttered Fred before loosening his hold, but without letting go of me. “Never again,” he added with a smile, and it didn’t take long for me to realize what it meant. “I’m not leaving you again.”

And as cliché as it could sound, I read the truth in his eyes. The pain, the regrets, the way he had been hating himself everyday for what he had done, but also comprehension because he knew I had been feeling the same. The Weasley sparkle was here too, bright and vivid and loving, and his smile was wider than every smile I had ever seen. I was probably looking the same, and if I wasn’t, I was definitely experiencing this euphoria that was shaking every cell of my body and making my heart beat so fast.

“I really want to kiss you right now.” Fred’s voice was low, but it was the only thing I heard.

“Do it then.”

“Let me finish darling. I want to kiss you so bad, but I don’t deserve it, not after what I did to you. Give me some time to earn it, okay? We’ll make it work again, I’ll make it work again.”

I nodded, torn by two completely opposite emotions. I was grateful because Fred wanted us to become a loving couple again, and disappointed because I needed him, so much that it hurt. But after all this time, it wouldn’t have felt right, and after all maybe it was for the best. Suddenly, I became aware again of the noise in the shop: dozens of customers were still talking happily about their purchase and congratulating George.

“I should go back home. It’s… It’s a lot to take in.”

“I know, don’t worry.” Fred smiled and kissed my hair. I gave him my back and took barely two steps toward the door before he grabbed my hand. “Wait Y/N, I’ll feel much better if you let me walk you home. It’s dangerous outside and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“You shouldn’t leave your little party, Freddie. Don’t worry for me, I’ll apparate as soon as I can, okay?”

“You have the galleon, right?”

“Yes Fred, I have it, and yes I’ll warn you when I’m home.”

He nodded and let go of my hand. I sneaked through the crowd of customers and reached the door. I was on the verge of opening it when Fred’s voice echoed.

“Are you going to leave without a U-no-poo Y/N?”

“Who told you I needed one?”

Fred chuckled, and I only looked away when the door closed. The alley was still somber, and the same dying feeling was floating in the air, but my heart was lighter than it had been in months. I was so happy that nothing could have tarnished my joy, or so I thought.

It’s my training as a new Order member that kicked in and made me dodge the first curse. As the only remaining window of Ollivander’s shop exploded, two dark silhouettes made their appearance between the twins’ shop and I, making it impossible for me to reach any safe place on this side of the alley. What I feared was confirmed when at least two other death eaters’ feet hit the paving stones.

All of this had happened in a second, and I reached for the magical galleon in my pocket before anything else. An instant later, I was forced to dive to the ground with my hand still stuck in my jeans. I got up quickly and drew my wand. It was too late. Something burnt my back with such intensity that the heat spread to the core of my body. Through the excruciating pain, my dizzy brain noticed that there wasn’t a sound that left my mouth, and soon my knees hit the ground. My arms refused to obey and I found myself falling forward without anything to shield my head. The shock was brutal as the rest of the scene. The death eaters left without anything else, word or curse, and soon the noise made by their footsteps disappeared. It felt like an eternity before someone else arrived whereas it had probably been less than two minutes. Time definitely seemed to stop when I realized it was Fred.

“Y/N, what’s- oh god, Y/N, can you hear me? Please tell me you’re still with me… Y/N!”

His arms slipped underneath my limp body. Even the heat he gave me as he was hugging me against his torso wasn’t enough to dissipate the icy cold in my bones. He was calling for help, desperate to be heard as it seemed like we were both glued to the paving stones.

“Please Y/N, tell me- tell me I’m dreaming. This- This is all in my head, it’s all happening in my head... Right? Y/N, say something, please!” I wished I could have reassured him, but my strength was leaving me. “I still have to gain back your love, Y/N you can’t leave me… You can’t…”

Fred was almost sobbing now, shouting to whatever cruel god was watching him that he couldn’t live without me, screaming pleas and crying at this unfairness. His arms were still holding me, and even this feeling was slowly vanishing; soon, I wondered if I had ever felt it and the only answer I could get was the aching in my body that had nothing to do with the curse.

Death wasn’t that bad, after all, less painful than life, and I wished Fred could read it in my mind.

#rach's1kcelebration #Harry Potter #harry potter imagines #harry potter imagine #fred weasley #fred weasley imagine #fred x reader #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley x you #tw death

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xofanfics · 3 years

Text

String - Alternate Ending II

Genre: angst, fluff, SMUT

Pairing: Baekhyun x Female Reader x Sehun

Word Count: 5.4k

Summary: You find yourself in a friends-with-benefits situation with your best friend. You have no business falling for him, but your heart begs to differ.

Holding himself accountable was something that Baekhyun hadn’t quite mastered. And he seemed to be the root of all the problems that had come crashing into his life uninvited and unannounced. But he felt like he wasn’t the only person at fault.

Putting himself aside, he wondered why you hadn’t been more adamant. Why hadn’t you just come straight out, to say all the things you wanted to? Did you not know how? Did you lack the strength? Were you unsure? And putting himself into the equation, he wondered why he hadn’t been more adamant. Why hadn’t he just come straight out, to say all the things he wanted to? Did he not know how? Did he lack the strength? Was he unsure?

Why had he chosen Kira over you? Kira was pure; she didn’t have the same kind of past Baekhyun did. And to be honest, Baekhyun hadn’t been honest with her about his past or the feelings he had for you that still lingered. He realized that he wasn’t quite over you. The events of the night had made that quite clear not only to himself but to Evie too. If she noticed, who else did? Was it that obvious?

Baekhyun had become the kind of guy that all girls complained about. The kind of guy that claims he doesn’t want the girl but then gets jealous when she brings a new guy around. The kind of guy that has a girlfriend but still doesn’t want the other girl to date other people. How was something like that fair?

It was a bad idea to come here, he realized. This wasn’t how the night was supposed to start or end. Everyone was supposed to get together and have a good time at this party and he’d ruined things. He ruined the mood and brought a dark cloud over the group. He needed to apologize. Even if you never forgave him or never spoke to him again, he at least needed to apologize. The talk with Evie opened his eyes to a point of view he hadn’t really considered.

He returned to the party and noticed you standing on the balcony with Drew as he smoked a joint. Baekhyun took the opportunity to join the two of you. He wasn’t sure where Sehun had gone off to but Baekhyun assumed that he’d be back eventually.

“Hey,” he started. “Can we talk, Y/N?”

You’d been in the middle of laughing and the smile faded immediately upon seeing him. You turned your head the other way. It hurt him a bit, but he continued with what he set out to do anyway. This was the path he chose and the least he could do is apologize for everything.

Drew took one last pull and cleared his throat after he blew out the smoke. He ashed his joint and put it in a ziploc bag before putting it back in his pocket. You said, “I don’t think—” At that, Drew nudged you. You rolled your eyes. “Fine. Sure, let’s talk.” Drew gave you a wink before leaving the two of you on the balcony alone. He knew that Baekhyun had fucked up but he also knew that things would never get better if you kept blocking him off every time. Both of you, Drew decided, needed to grow the fuck up and speak through your issues like the adults that you were supposed to be.

As the balcony door clicked shut, you turned your back to him and said, “What do you want?”

“To apologize,” said Baekhyun. “I wanted to apologize for everything. For being an asshole tonight, for leading you on back then, and for not being honest with how I felt about you. I know it doesn’t seem like it but I cared about you. I still do, Y/N...and it hurts not to be able to talk to you. I miss us. I miss being friends, at least…”

You bit your lip, still turned away from him. Hearing that he missed you made you feel better. You’d missed him, too. You missed talking to him and sharing memes on Twitter. You missed being able to bullshit around campus with him between classes and going over to each others’ apartments. You missed hanging out with him, outside of the sex. You missed him being your person and being able to tell him just about anything. You decided to put your angry feelings aside, just to hear him out and not to add any more fuel to the fire that he’d started tonight.

You missed him more than anything but it was a little too late for all of this now. If he’d told you this sooner, before things got more serious with Sehun, maybe you would’ve felt differently. But he was with Kira now so, in the end, did how you feel really even matter?

“We could’ve been friends,” you said, in a voice so low that he could barely hear you. He stepped closer to you, leaning over the balcony ledge next to you. He looked at you but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him right now. If you looked at him, your sense of judgment might shift. If you didn’t look at him, you wouldn’t be tempted to say all of the words you wanted to say to him… They were all of the words he’d never hear you say.

“What?” he asked.

“I said that we...could’ve been friends. You led me on, Baekhyun. I really thought we were going to be together and then you chose someone else. Do you have any idea how that felt?”

Baekhyun looked down at the city below him. It was dark but there were still some people lingering on the streets from what he could see. Were they lost? Were they going somewhere? Were they feeling how he was? Lost, confused, and frustrated with the cards and the hands he’d been dealt?

“Kind of how it feels for me right now, I guess,” he said. “I know it’s not fair for me to feel this way...since I chose someone else. But I can’t help but feel hurt...seeing you with Sehun.”

You didn’t say anything. Deep down, you knew that was why he’d been acting like this all night. Like a lot of people out in the world, Baekhyun could dish it but he couldn’t take it. He left you on your ass and chose someone else. But he wasn’t satisfied with that and he had the audacity to be jealous of the new bond you were trying to make with Sehun. Part of you understood; humans were often selfish beings and they often felt things that didn’t make sense.

Even still, it didn’t take the hurt away. It didn’t erase the feelings of hope that you had back then. It didn’t erase the fact that he hurt you in a way that you thought he never would. It didn’t take you back in time, to undo all the damage that had been done. It didn’t mend your broken heart.

Anger flared up in you again and, finally, you turned to meet his eyes. “You don’t have the right to be jealous, Baekhyun! You chose her.” You bit your lip, holding back a tear that threatened to follow. “How could you choose her over me and then come here and be jealous as soon as you see that someone else is interested in me? Someone who actually wants me and gives a shit.”

A pang of hurt hit him right in the heart. He looked into your eyes, a little more deeply than you needed him to. “Is that what you think? Of course I give a shit about you, Y/N! You’re all I can think about most days. And I wish that I could talk to you but you made it clear that you don’t want anything to do with me. And it hurts. It fucking hurts me, Y/N! I know you must think I’m some monster that doesn’t have feelings but I do…I know I hurt you too and that it doesn’t excuse anything but...” He sucked his teeth. “I admit it! I made the wrong decision, Y/N. I made all the wrong decisions and that’s on me. It’s my fault and I know it. I ruined everything we had and I fucking hate myself everyday for it. I can’t help that I’m in love with you, Y/N...”

A tear fell down your cheek. This was all too much. “I’m too drunk for this,” you said, clapping your hands together. You left Baekhyun on the balcony where he stood. And you were too fast for him to grab your hand.

Had he said too much?

Kira came back to the apartment with her friends, carrying the cases of White Claw. She saw the entrance to the balcony through the kitchen and went through it, curious to where it led. She hadn’t realized that the balcony wrapped around to the other side of the apartment. And then she heard a familiar voice as she started toward the corner. She stopped,

“—it hurts. It fucking hurts me, Y/N! I know you must think I’m some monster that doesn’t have feelings but I do…I know I hurt you too and that it doesn’t excuse anything but...I admit it! I made the wrong decision, Y/N. I made all the wrong decisions and that’s on me. It’s my fault and I know it. I ruined everything we had and I fucking hate myself everyday for it. I can’t help that I’m in love with you, Y/N...”

Kira’s heart dropped, tears falling down her face. She bit her lip, unsure of what to do next. Everything made sense now. Baekhyun’s behavior and yours, too. He was jealous because he was in love with her. More tears came as the realization set in. She watched as you walked off the balcony and back to the party. But Baekhyun stayed behind. He didn’t try to go after her. Kira heard him sigh loudly to face the street.

Kira rationalized with herself for about two minutes. She wasn’t the confrontational type but she deserved answers, at least. Baekhyun still hadn’t moved, completely lost in his thoughts. So she took the opportunity to walk over to him. Her heeled boots clicked against the concrete, slowly taking steps to the answers that she deserved.

“I meant everything I said, Y/N,” Baekhyun said, as he turned around. Unfortunately, it was the last person he expected to find him here. From the look on his girlfriend’s face, he knew that she’d overheard at least part of what he said to you.

She looked at him, one hand on her hip. “How long have you been cheating on me?”

“I’m not cheating on you, Kira,” he said. “I’ve never cheated on you.”

“Don’t lie to me, Baekhyun…”

“I’m not lying.”

Her lip quivered, unable to hold in her hurt for much longer. “Our whole relationship is a lie, right? You don’t even love me...”

“I care about you, Kira. I do like you.”

“But you don’t love me. You never will...because you’re in love with her.”

Baekhyun didn’t answer. What she said didn’t require an answer but he didn’t have much to say. He didn’t expect her to find out like this. She wasn’t supposed to be here right now. He had planned on breaking up with her but he didn’t plan on her finding out like this. Not only had he possibly ruined things with you but things were most likely going to end with Kira tonight—right now.

She pushed him in frustration. He lost his balance and stumbled backward. “Why?”

Kira hit him again but he held his ground this time. “Why?”

She hit him again and again, taking her frustrations out on him. “Why, Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun didn’t do anything. He let her hit him because he deserved it. He broke her heart into a million pieces. She was feeling a pain that Baekhyun was responsible for. Kira wasn’t a confrontational person and rarely got angry. Once, there was a spider in her bedroom and, as Baekhyun had gone to get his shoe to kill it, she said, “Just leave it.” He almost wanted to smile at the memory. Kira was such a good person and he’d ruined her, causing her to act out of character.

She wasn’t supposed to find out like this. He came out here to apologize to you, not declare his love for you. He’d gone too far and Kira got hurt because of his actions. Things weren’t going as planned tonight. He’d done so much damage and within the span of about two hours. If things had gone as planned, he would’ve just come out here to apologize to you and, hopefully, smoothing things over enough for you not to hate his guts. Then he would’ve talked things over with Kira, preferably tomorrow when he was sober.

“Please stop,” Baekhyun said, wrapping his arms around her. She struggled in his arms for a few seconds, trying to get out of his grasp, before giving up. Finally, she broke down into the tears she’d been holding back. He held her, patting her head gently. “I’m so sorry, Kira. I never meant to hurt you…”

Kira’s cries died down after a few more seconds. She was so hurt and she couldn’t deal with this. Everything was a lie. Her own boyfriend wasn’t falling for her like she was falling for him. She was falling for him so hard and that’s what hurt her the most. Her feelings weren’t returned. She didn’t understand what Baekhyun’s history with you was. Had they dated in the past? Regardless, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know. Would knowing hurt her even more?

“It’s not that I regret being with you, Kira,” he said. “That’s not it. I regret not being honest with myself and about my feelings. I’m sorry for everything. I mean that.”

Hearing that didn’t make Kira feel better or worse. She pulled away from him. “If you weren’t sure, you should’ve just left me alone.”

“I know,” he said. “I was being selfish. I should’ve figured things out first...”

She let out a sigh, looking everywhere except at him. “I want to hate you but I can’t even do that…”

Baekhyun nodded. “I deserve that…”

“You know what hurts, Baekhyun?” she said, finally able to meet his eyes. “You were so occupied with her that you didn’t even notice that I left the party for a half hour. And even outside of tonight, it was always about her…That’s why you haven’t been able to give me your attention, right? Because you were thinking about her the whole time? You never noticed me because your eyes have always been for her…”

She wiped her tears with the backs of her hands. There was nothing left to say or do. Neither one of them had officially said that they’d broken up with words. Part of her still wanted to be with him and she wished that she could shove that feeling to the side. That was the thing about feelings; you could ignore them as much as you wanted but feelings can’t just be erased like they never happened, like you never had them in the first place.

If she could go back in time, she would. She would go back in time to avoid dating Baekhyun. This was one of the relationships that weren’t meant to be. They should’ve left things how they were before, with her having a crush on Baekhyun that couldn’t go anywhere because she was on the road to studying abroad in Italy. They weren’t in sync; they didn’t meet at a time in their lives when things could’ve worked out. And, maybe, both of them should’ve just accepted that that chapter in their lives had ended.

In the end, it wasn’t worth it and it wasn’t meant to be. From the start, the relationship was doomed.

Sehun couldn’t help but feel confused, sitting on the couch next to you. You’d just told him that you couldn’t be with him. That you’d thought about it and realized it wasn’t a good idea right now. He said, “Did something happen? I-I thought you wanted this…”

You bit your lip. “I don’t think I’m ready. I’m not over that guy...and I’m sorry for leading you on like this.”

Sehun had a feeling that you weren’t ready but part of him hoped that you were. He couldn’t be mad at you. If anything, he was grateful that you were telling him this now rather than later. He liked you and he enjoyed spending time with you, but it was better off letting each other go if you couldn’t give him what he needed. It seemed like you needed time and, to be honest, it seemed like even with time he couldn’t be sure that you’d pick him.

He couldn’t hide his disappointment. He liked you more than he expected to and finding out that the two of you most likely weren’t going to date was disappointing. You were younger than him and you were unsure of your feelings and what you wanted. Regardless of age though, Sehun knew what he wanted and he knew what he needed from a potential partner. He realized that he was chasing someone who kept leading him to dead ends.

He stood up from the chair. “I understand. I hope you figure things out with Baekhyun…”

Sehun knew that Baekhyun was the person that you weren’t over, whether you said it to him or not. He knew that Baekhyun was the reason for the sudden change of heart. Things had been adding up all night, but he kept quiet about it. He chose to ignore the signs because he liked you. And part of him—the selfish part—had hoped that you’d ignore your feelings and come to him instead. But he knew how feelings worked. They didn’t make sense and they couldn’t be helped.

“I’m sorry, Sehun,” he said. “Maybe we could—”

He shook his head. “I think we should just leave it alone for now. I don’t wanna keep running around in circles with you. I like you and I don't want to hold onto the hope that you’ll come around.” He took a deep breath. This was hard for him, too. Sehun was ready to settle down, to finally find someone he clicked with. And he thought he’d found that with you but, so quickly, that dream was over. “You have a history with him, right? It’s complicated...so you should figure that out. And I’m not saying any of this to be petty. I genuinely mean it...Anyway, let’s just move on with our lives for now. If we cross paths one day, that’s fine, but I think we should just end things for now.”

Sehun had said everything he needed to say. And you didn’t have many words to say, but you found a few. “I don’t want you to think I never liked you...because I do. I meant all of the things I said to you tonight but there are just some things I need to take care of, like you said. Thank you for being understanding…”

“Take care, Y/N…”

“You too, Sehun.”

You woke up to your cell phone vibrating at four in the morning. You’d fallen asleep after a shower and you groaned as you looked at your phone and saw Baekhyun’s name flashing across the screen.

Was he serious right now?

“Baekhyun, are you forreal?”

“I can’t sleep,” he said. “Me and Kira are over. I really fucked things up but I can’t stop thinking about you. Every thought I have is of you. I just...really need to talk to you.”

“What is there to talk about Baekhyun? Everything is over.”

“Open the door and tell me that everything is over. Tell me in person.”

“Go home, Baekhyun.”

“Please open the door, Y/N.”

You hung up on him and groaned. You rubbed sleep from your eyes and headed to the front door. When you opened the door Baekhyun was on the other side, dressed in a white t-shirt, sweats, and his black leather jacket.

“I love you, Y/N,” he said. “I need you...”

“Baekhyun, please,” you said. “You can’t just show up to my house in the middle of the night and try to talk to me about shit like this...”

“Tell me you don’t feel the same,” he said. “Tell me you don’t have feelings for me and I’ll leave you alone.” Baekhyun knew you well. He knew that you couldn’t lie to him. And he knew that deep down, you still had feelings for him somewhere.

You looked up at him with tired eyes but you said nothing but before you could say anything, his lips were on yours. You did nothing to stop him and he kissed you and you kissed him back in the hallway of your apartment building. If anything, you deepened the kiss and melted into his embrace. His hands found your face and a few seconds later, you grabbed him and pulled him into the apartment before shutting the front door behind you.

“I want you,” he said, pulling away. “I wish I could take everything back but I can’t. And I know there’s nothing I can do or say to make it right but I want this. I want us. I want to be with you, Y/N…and, um, if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, at least—”

“I waited so long to hear you say that,” you admitted. “It’s all I ever wanted, Baek…” He kissed you again and you bumped and collided into the walls until you managed to get to your bedroom. His kiss, his touch, his everything felt right. You wrapped your arms around him and you said, “Show me...Show me how much you love me.”

Baekhyun nodded, putting his jacket on the chair in the corner of your room. You bit your lip, anticipating what was to come. You hadn’t slept with anyone else and you were ready. Sex with Baekhyun was the best you’d had yet and it had been hard not to have him for so many months. You’d been dying for a taste of him and here he was. All your prayers had been answered at this moment.

You took your t-shirt off, showing off the rest of your body. Luckily for Baekhyun, you hadn’t been wearing any panties, leaving you completely naked. Baekhyun felt himself getting hard, looking at your figure. You were perfect and his dick throbbed for you. He took off his pants, freeing himself from the restraints of his sweats.

He approached you slowly, taking your body in. “You’re so perfect...” He pulled you into his chest, feeling on your body gently. “Are you sure you want this?” You nodded and sat on the bed. Baekhyun joined you, pressing his lips on yours. This time, the kisses were more gentle, more passionate. His tongue slowly entered yours and when you pulled away, you helped him out of his shirt, then his boxers. You ran your fingers across his head, causing Baekhyun to let out a slight gasp of pleasure.

For a moment, you stared at each others’ naked bodies. You loved everything about Baekhyun. You loved his body; the way it rocked against you when he was inside you and how it seemed like it was made just for you. You loved his lips and how they weren’t too big or too small, and the way he kissed you as if the world was ending. You loved his hands, his fingers and how slim they were and the way they felt inside you.

He pinned you to the bed, his hands on yours. He kissed your neck, sending shivers up your body. He kissed you there, sucking enough to leave a slight bruise but you didn’t care. You bit your lip in concealed pleasure, as he made his way past your neck and to your chest. Baekhyun took his time with your breasts, taking them in his hands. He squeezed them lightly before taking a nipple into his mouth. He sucked each lightly, slow and steady. Your body shuddered with pleasure and you let a tiny moan escape from your mouth. Baekhyun kept going, this time flicking his tongue a little more roughly. You moaned louder and Baekhyun started kissing down your stomach until he arrived at the place he’d been wanting to taste so badly.

You arched your back as Baekhyun circled his tongue around your clit, so lightly that it tickled. He did that a few more times, just to tease you. And before you could even beg, he started sucking on your clit like it was a piece of hard candy. You let out a string of expletives and Baekhyun was pleased with himself. He was driving you crazy and all that could be heard in your room was the sound of Baekhyun’s tongue and him slurping up your wetness.

“Fuck, I need you,” you whispered.

“You need me?” Baekhyun said, humming into your wet folds.

“Yes,” you whimpered.

A few seconds later, Baekhyun stopped. He licked his lips and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. And without further ado, he positioned himself between your legs and pushed inside you. You hummed in pleasure as you felt him fill you up. Baekhyun started kissing you again and you melted into his embrace as he thrusted in and out of you slowly. His lips never left yours and you wrapped your legs around him, pushing him in deeper.

Everything about this felt right to Baekhyun. Your legs felt perfect around his waist, your moans were music to his ears, and your tongue slid perfectly against his when he kissed you.

“Fuck,” he said, “you’re so tight…”

You moaned softly, Baekhyun still thrusting into you slowly; He wanted to take his time with you. He wanted to fuck you right and show you everything you’d been missing. He wanted you to feel him, in every sense of the word. He kissed you more and, eventually, he fit his fingers between yours. He held your hands down and thrusted himself more deeply into you.

You whispered, “Harder.”

Baekhyun did as you wished and he knew that your orgasm had been building up. It was as if he was dancing inside of you, his hips picking up the pace, thrusting like his life depended on it. You bit your lips and your body writhed from underneath him. You wrapped your arms around him, digging your nails into his back. But Baekhyun didn’t mind. Scratch him, bite him, he didn’t care. As long as you were enjoying yourself, he’d let you ruin him.

He pressed his body into yours, putting some weight on you. You were getting closer and closer as Baekhyun groaned in your ear and started kissing your neck. You were pulsing around him, squeezing his dick.

“Keep doing that baby,” he said. “Don’t stop.”

“Fuck,” you said, letting out another moan. He felt so good inside you. You felt like you were going to burst soon. Baekhyun lifted himself off of you; He knew you were close and he wanted to see all the beautiful faces you made when you were coming. He looked you in your eyes while he fucked you, which turned you on more than he knew.

You were beginning to unravel. You were so close, at the top of a mountain. Then you let yourself fall, fall into a blinding pleasure. You came undone around Baekhyun. You couldn’t see. You couldn’t hear. But you could feel it, as you tipped over the edge with a toe curling gasp.

This was the moment Baekhyun had been waiting for. He loved the way your eyes screwed shut and the way your lips parted slightly. And how your body jerked and writhed with your orgasm. He felt your pussy pulsing, squeezing and pushing him around. That was all he needed and that was all it took for him to come right after. He’d been holding back this whole time, struggling to hold himself together until you came. The thighs that had been tightening around him turned to jelly. And he groaned one last time before he collapsed on top of you.

Both of you panted heavily, your hearts racing. You wrapped your arms around him as you caught your breath. The two of you were at a loss for words. Reality started to set in for you. You never expected this to happen. Hell, you were prepared for the possibility of never being on speaking terms with Baekhyun again. But here he was, on top of you with his dick still inside. Who would’ve thought the events of tonight would lead up to this?

He pulled out of you, reaching for the box of tissues on your nightstand. As he returned to wipe you off, he noticed a huge wet spot on your sheets. You’d been dripping, leaking all over the bed while he fucked you. And now his cum was oozing out of your pussy.

As he cleaned you up, he said, “We made a mess, huh?” You glanced down, noticing the sheet. You let out a giggle. “It’s okay. I’ll help you wash it tomorrow if I can spend the night here with you.”

You smiled, standing up. “Of course. It’s like five in the morning.”

As the two of you pulled the sheet back, Baekhyun said, “I don’t want you to think that this is all I came here for…”

You laid down on the bed, propping yourself up with pillows. “That’s not what I think. I wanted this too...”

He sat next to you on the bed. He hesitated but he needed to know what would become of them. He looked you in your eyes for a few seconds. “Can we...try again? I know I can’t take anything back but I want to start over.”

You nodded and said, “I forgive you, Baekhyun. Let’s do things right this time, okay?”

His heart almost jumped out of his chest. He never expected things to go like this. He didn’t expect you to forgive him, he didn’t expect to sleep with you, or for things to get as far as they got. It was like all of his prayers had suddenly been answered. He knew that, deep down, he didn’t deserve you. But maybe he did. Maybe everything that had happened was for a reason, reasons that neither of you would ever understand. Over the past few weeks, Baekhyun felt like he’d undergone something like character development. He’d taken you for granted and he wasn’t honest with himself or with anyone else about his feelings. He’d been immature and in denial. This situation, in a way, put things into perspective for him.

This time, you leaned in for a kiss. When you pulled away, you said, “Did you mean what you said before?”

“What?”

“That you love me…”

Baekhyun nodded. That was the one feeling he was one hundred percent certain about. He loved you. “Of course I meant it.”

“Say it again.”

You thought that maybe it was a ridiculous request and that it was just your insecurities trying to get the better of you. But, in this moment, you needed a bit of reassurance. Most people would’ve told you to leave Baekhyun in the dust, that you deserved better. And maybe it was true. But it wasn’t your truth. The truth was that Baekhyun made you happy. Even though you’d been hurt, your heart still skipped a beat every time your eyes met. You just needed to know that everything was okay and that you were making the right decision.

“I love you,” he said. “I love you, Y/N…”

You kissed again and again as the sun rose, the light peeking through your blinds. You melted into his embrace and he melted into yours. The two of you got lost, drunk, in each others mouths. And, through the blinds, you could see the sun rising. A new day, no—a new chapter was ahead. And you were just glad Baekhyun was here for the ride.

FIN. (like, actually)

Tag List: @shesdreaminginoverdose @multistania @jeonchan26 @myonlyaurora @keloiu @xxluckydreamsxx @multifandomeras @blanknearvana @jddcfc-blog @jummyjammy @mintaemark @kokobyunee @fortheloveofinfinite @littleflowercrown13 @wayvexo @to-all-the-stories-i-love @ggaayyyong @hyuniebaby @giriboyshogu @xyukheix @jekylluv @forbyun @endzii23 @puppyeoliepop @aa-ronpa @jessverdin @princemicorazon @sjkings @marimsun @baekhypnotized @cynthbee @xuyiyangstan @justmitchie @minseoksnz @wooya1224 @stepanielove @deadelline @kimluvwoo @sehunski @desired-love- @bexinini @g0lden-sunset @justineasian @vad-hander @loeygotospacenow @nana-banana @happiestgirlontheeastcoast

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fallin-4-ya · 3 years

Text

when i think of you

fred weasley x reader

summary: as time passes y/n and fred find themselves completely in love with each other, but there just never seems to be a moment where they both have the courage to do so.

warnings: none! (gif is not mine, credit to owner!)

Out of all the people to love in the world I had to choose you.

Y/n loved Fred Weasley more than she cared to admit. She could not explain why or how, but rather all the wonderful and tragic things she felt around him. There was just something about the way he could always make her smile or how he had always known her better than she had known herself. It had been that way since childhood, so y/n tucked away her feelings in a small box in her heart in the hopes that no one would ever find them.

It wasn’t until their sixth year in which she found a crack in that box. After all of those years keeping the lid tightly on, the constant pains in her chest began becoming unbearable. Her, Fred and the rest of the Gryffindors were sat in study hall, fooling around when Fred turned to his brother Ron and hushed, ‘Watch this.’ He threw something towards Angelina Johnson’s direction, capturing her attention. Y/n turned to the scene happening besides her just in time to see Fred ask the beautiful girl in front of him to go to the Yule Ball together.

Y/n felt the color drain from her face. Of course, she had wanted Fred to ask her to the Yule Ball, and she and always known in the back of her mind that he wasn’t going to, but that didn’t stop it from hurting any less.

She got up from the table, leaving the Great Hall; she was desperate to leave and didn't want to look upset in front of her friends. She didn't need to draw attention towards her already complicated feelings. There was no doubt that she was happy for Angelina, she was a wonderful person and fierce friend whom she adored. And considering the fact that Angelina had always talked about Fred, and how handsome she thought he was. It was just so difficult seeing the person who she loved, in the company of someone else. Y/n felt stupid, believing that she could even have a chance with the Fred Weasley. He only saw her as a friend, a sister even. She knew his schemes, she knew that the possibility of him settling for a single girl was slim, but still she couldn’t help from hoping.

Later that evening in the common room she was joined by Hermione, one of her closest friends. Y/n tried her best to convince herself that no man was worth being upset for, but she found nothing but endless excuses for Fred. Hermione sighed sitting beside her, rubbing small circles onto her back.

‘I’m sorry, y/n.’ the younger Gryffindor exhaled. Y/n had never told Hermione her feelings for the eldest Weasley Twin, but somehow, she just knew. Perhaps it had something to do with her own unrequited love for Ron. ‘He’s so stupid. One day he’ll realize you’ve been the one for him all along.’

‘Thanks, Hermione,’ Y/n sighed. ‘I just wish he could see me now.’

Just then a pile of Gryffindors crowded into the common room, laughing about something and causing a commotion. Fred’s eyes immediately went to y/n’s, walking towards her. ‘What’s wrong, y/n?’ He asked.

‘Nothing, Freddie.’ She responded getting up, making her way up to her dorm.

‘Well, somethings clearly wrong, you hardly get like this.’ Fred said. Like this, she huffed to herself, angry that Fred knew her so well. Y/n shook her head.

‘Nothing’s wrong, Fred, so just drop it.’ She snapped at him, frustrated that the very person who made her upset was the one trying to comfort her.

‘Alright.’ Responded Fred, walking back to where his friends sat around the fire. The weeks leading up to the Yule Ball passed quickly; and y/n found herself a date, a very handsome Ravenclaw from her year.

Y/n put on her silky gown and gathered her hair into an angelic updo. For once she felt like the most beautiful woman in the world. She shyly made her way to the staircase leading down to the Great Hall, and took a deep breath before she descended into the corridor, dress falling graciously behind her. Y/n felt a pair of brown eyes fall on her. Fred. He was entranced by her being. He had always noticed her beauty, there was no doubt about that, but it was amplified to an extreme tonight. For the first time Fred could see the whole of her face, soft and smooth with rosy cheeks. Her eyes were lit and her lips looked luscious as ever.

Fred felt shell shocked because was this really one of his best friends standing in front of him, but before he got to question anymore, a boy with neat robes and a tie that matched her dress took her arm and they proceeded into the hall as one. Y/n was having the time of her life, no she wasn’t with Fred, but she made fun with what she was given. She dancing with her friends and chatted amongst her fellow students, forgetting about her broken heart.

On the dance floor with her friends, y/n felt a presence come close to her. She turned to see Fred, who took her hand and spun her around. She fell into him laughing when suddenly she caught herself, ‘Where’s Angie?’ She asked.

‘She went to go get some drinks with her friends, so I thought I come spend some tie with my favorite gal.’ he gave her a lopsided grin.

‘Ha-ha, very funny, Fred.’ She rolled her eyes, smirking sarcastic.

‘I wasn’t trying to be funny.’ Fred responded, taking her hand and look at her with pleading eyes. Y/n took a step back from Fred, walking off the dance floor saying something about needed air.

She left the ballroom, tears clouded her vision as she walked out to the courtyard. She only stopped when she heard the sound of footsteps on the pavement following her. Y/n breathed heavy and turned to see the man she had been running from, swallowing her next tear and forming her fists into balls at her side she hissed,

‘What do you want, Fred.’

‘What do I want? To not make you upset, y/n, that what I want.’ Fred raised his tone, ‘Now are you going to tell me what’s going on or am I just going to have to sit here and guess, like I have been for the past few weeks?’

‘You really are daft, aren’t you, Fred.’ She rolled her eyes, ‘You are so incredibly oblivious aren’t you, so up your own arse that you can’t even see what’s right in front of you!’

Fred took a step back, a puzzled look took over, ‘Y/n, what are you even going on about.’

‘Just never mind, Fred. Let’s just forget about it and move on.’ y/n hushed.

‘No! No, not again! You’re always doing this, maybe if you just tried to explain we can work this out.’ Fred pleaded.

Shaking her head, y/n began walking away; but before she could walk out of the courtyard Fred grabbed her hand. ‘Please,’ he started.

‘You really want to know what the problem is, Fred?’ y/n shook, ‘The problem is that whenever I think about you I get so- I get so angry because out of all the people to love in this world I had to choose you.’

Fred let go of her wrist, taken aback by the words the woman in front of him just spoke. She continued, ‘If I was your favorite girl why didn’t you ask me to the ball? Why am I constantly coming in second place for your heart? What is there, Fred, what can I change to have you notice me? I’m so tired of being heartbroken. I cannot do it anymore. There is so much weight in your words that I simply cannot unravel.’

He looked at her, perhaps for a sign that she was joking or for her to take it back because if Fred was being honest with himself, he wasn’t ready for this. Fred, the guy who had all the confidence in the world was suddenly speechless. ‘I-‘ Fred tried to get out.

y/n held her fingers up to his lips, stopping him from saying anymore. ‘Its okay, Freddie. I know you don’t feel the same way. If I’m being completely honest with myself I don’t even know what I’m feeling anymore, so let’s just forget about it, alright.’

Fred nodded his head, unable to find the words to say how he felt. His mind paced with thoughts that he was unable to bring to life. Rather than dotting on these thoughts, Fred headed back into the ballroom with y/n as if nothing at all had happened.

They went to sleep and awoke the next morning with no remembrance of the night before. The next morning y/n got up and ruffled his hair as he had always done and he greeted her by sticking out his tongue, which had always been his normal response.

The mornings followed mornings and weeks turned to months, a year had passes and the graduated Hogwarts together. They grew up besides one another, just the way they had always thought. Fred and George opened their joke shop, while y/n began her work in the Ministry, just as she’d hoped. Their twenties came fast, childhood was a distant thing of the past.

Y/n had lost her friends somewhere after the opening of the joke shop and her becoming busy at the Ministry. But Fred could never stop thinking of her. The words she spoke. They way she felt. The way he felt. He had finally understood Y/n’s heartbreak and he yearned for her. Fred had always loved her, but he told himself not to because he was stupid and scared. And now he only had himself to blame.

It was three years before they were finally reunited in person, at Bill and Fleur’s wedding. Y/n was nervous to say the least, having no idea what would come up. Yet, the day still arrived at promptly and as quickly as ever. Arriving at the Burrow she was welcomed as warmly as ever. Embraced by Molly and Ginny, she was asked no less than a hundred questions about her life. They chatted for what seemed like hours about her new job, new boyfriends, new adventures and everything in between.

But it wasn’t until Fred Weasley walked down the stairs when she felt that anxious energy arrive back up to the surface. At the sight of him, y/n suddenly forgot how to breathe and how to speak, she stood a bit awkwardly and waved at the man who stood in front of her, handsome as ever.

‘Hey, Freddie.’ She smiled sweetly at him, despite her anxiousness.

‘Y/n!’ Fred ran to her, embracing her in a giant hug. ‘How are you, my love?’

‘Better than you, I bet. Huh, Freddie.’ She laughed at him. And it was if no time at all had passed between the two. They staid joint at the hip the entire night; partying, dancing, talking and enjoying each other’s company. They were on the dance floor, later in the evening; mostly talking about Fred’s horrific dates that he endured and his failed attempts to swoon girls coming into the shop. He turned to you with a light air in his voice.

‘What about you, y/n? Anyone been striking your fancy?’ Fred chuckled.

‘Well, I been going on a few dates with this one guy. He’s pretty sweet, we always seem to have a good time together.’ y/n smiled back. ‘Who knows what’s going to happen? Life is so unpredictable.’

‘Do you love him?’ Fred spat out suddenly.

Y/n took aback by the comment, ‘What?’

‘Do you love him?’ Fred repeated slower and steadier.

Y/n let go of Fred’s hands, taking a step back from him. ‘Fred, I don’t know what you’re getting at.’

Fred looked at her in much seriousness, ‘You know what I’m getting at.’

‘No,’ y/n shook her head stepping farther back from him. ‘No, Fred.’ She turned on her heals and gathered herself out of the tent, walking briskly away from Fred and the festivities. Tears welled up in her eyes and she was unable to hold herself together.

‘Y/n, wait!’ Fred shouted, running after her. Y/n turned to face him, and he couldn’t tell if those were tears of sadness or anger in her eyes. ‘You need to let me tell you, before it’s too late.’

‘No, Fred. You have no right.’ y/n exhaled. ‘You have no right to do this to me now. I have been second to every girl my whole life and I refuse to be the person you settle for, just because I’m the only one left.’

‘Just listen, please.’ Fred fumed, anger building up. ‘You need to listen to me, because I don’t know if I can ever bring myself to say it again.’

‘Fred, stop.’

‘What?’

‘Fred, you’re being mean, stop it.’ y/n said, a silent tear falling. ‘You can’t, not when- not when I’ve been in love with you the whole of my life.’

She briskly turned and began walking back to the party; but Fred caught her wrist and turned her towards her. He took her in. The way her hair still fell perfectly, even after dancing the night away. They way her mascara still sat perfectly among her eyelashes, despite the tars that fell. The way her breathing slowed when he took her hand. She looked as perfect as she did the night at the Yule Ball all of those years ago, except now she had no where to run, no way to silence Fred’s heart.

‘No, I won’t let you leave me like this again. I won’t let you leave me without allowing me a word in. Not again, not ever.’ Fred said, desperation in his voice. ‘I love you. I love you so much it hurts.’

He gazed into her beaded eyes, ‘Do you know how frustrating it is to look at everyone you have ever been with, wishing it was someone else?’ Fred continued, ‘I have loved you for so long I can’t pin point a moment or a day or a time, when I realized I had fallen for you. I loved you all those years ago when you confessed to me in the courtyard. I tried to tell you how I felt, but I just couldn’t. And I wish that I could go back in time and listened to myself, that way maybe I could have avoided heartbreak all together. I wanted to ask you, more than anything. But I was scared and to far up my own arse that I couldn’t realize what was right in front of me. If I could change things I would, I just hope it’s not too late. I’m sorry.’

‘Fred I-‘

‘You don’t have to say anything.’

Y/n looked down, unsure of how to process the information that had just presented itself. Her eyes lifted to meet his, a small tear falling down her cheek as she searched his gaze. ‘You mean it?’ she asked slowly.

‘Y/n, I have never been more sure of anything in my entire life. I love you, and if you will take me even though its late, I’ll be yours forever.’ Fred responded, with a reassurance in his voice. He wiped the tear from her face, cheeks growing rosy.

‘Oh, Freddie.’ y/n whispered, ‘Of course, I’ll be yours.’

He leaned in softly to her, pressing his lips gently against hers. They melted into one another as their lips danced against each other. The entire world could have ended at that moment, but none of that would have mattered to them. They were with each other, finally, after all the passed time. Fred was sure that he loved her more than he would love anything. More than jokes, more than his siblings, more than pranks, more than laughs. As long as he had her, the world was going to be alright.

(a/n: thank you all so much for reading!!! i appreciate you so much! sending love and positive vibes! xo- mari)

#Harry Potter #harry potter fanfiction #Fred and George #fred weasley #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley x y/n #george wealsey x reader #hermione granger #yule ball #Ron Weasley #george weasley

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dreamrecorder · 3 years

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When the earth crumbles to dust.

Alternatively: "Until then, we will find each other again." <|||>

fluff & angst shot, reincarnation au, modern au

| Zhongli x Guizhong | Zhongli x Reader |

Warning: ptsd, panic attack

He came to learn of the name of the young woman with billowing sleeves. Guizhong.

Zhongli realized, that the Goddess of Dust has become a prominent turning point of his life. Back then when he lived the title of the God of War, he was vicious, cold, and unfeeling. However, because of her, such attributes mellowed and eventually died out.

When the goddess died, cutting off her final words, grief and despair washed over the man. Such emotions, he had not felt before. But because of her, he feels. He felt these foreign yet strong emotions run through him. All these emotions, for her.

Yet, it was too late, Zhongli realized.

It was hard for him to stand back up after her death in the field of wilted glaze lilies. Yet the man hardened himself, as he is the very embodiment of the earth. Thus, he protected her people and his which would later unite to what is Liyue today.

Perhaps, if he had not met her, Liyue would not exist.

However, to this day the memory of her death still haunts him. What would have she said, if she completed her final words?

'If you can unlock it-' then what? If the man was being honest, he was not sure if he wanted to hear those words. However, truth be told Zhongli does know how to complete the puzzle Guizhong had left him.

He was just scared. Afraid even. The Memory of Dust... Zhongli was afraid that if he unlocked it, it would also turn into dust, just as the goddess did. This is why he did not bother unlocking the artifact as it is his final memento of his love... Zhongli knew that the time will come when he is ready to open the artifact. As such, the God of Contracts made a contract to himself.

...

There was a time, actually, when he was ready to unlock the secrets of the Memory of Dust. However, a certain someone made him rewind his emotions of grief and longing all over again.

A woman with long, snow white hair and a pair of red eyes- along with the skill of crafting and constructing proven by the floating chamber above Liyue. Everything about that woman reminded him of Guizhong. It just pains him. In fear of feeling grief again, he avoided her as much as possible. But it didn't help him any further preparing himself to open the Memory of Dust.

So, he waited, abiding by the contract Zhongli made for himself.

...

Sipping tea, Zhongli finishes typing the last of his speech for a seminar regarding the history and culture Liyue. He leaves the cafe, with the next destination in mind- the local museum of Liyue. As a man of culture, Zhongli finds visiting the museum a pleasant experience. However, today's visit made him empty.

Just as he was gazing on a painting of glaze lilies, a young woman with billowing sleeves, stood by him.

At first, he had not paid you any attention. He only did when you spoke.

"You know... when I painted this, most of the time I think something's missing. Even now, actually."

Zhongli's gaze focused on the woman, and he swore he saw her. He gulped.

"I think... the scenery is perfect by itself already. What would you have added if you think your piece is still lacking?"

You pondered a bit, white hair shfting as your head tilted. Your red eyes, suddenly deep with wisdom.

"I don't know..." you began as doubt laced your voice. "I thought of two different scenarios before... But whatever scenario I choose, their outcome would be the same. They would make me... sad?

I'm not gonna lie, I like how this piece turned out. To others, it would seem that scene conveys serenity and happines, but to me... It just seems so... empty."

Zhongli hummed in understanding and agreement, as he, too also sees the emptiness in the painting despite the great skill and detail in it. It was missing her. The painting was empty, just like his heart. "If you don't mind, would you like to share to me what you wanted to add?"

You met the man's eyes and a flick of familiarity whirred in your head, but you ignore it. "Maybe another time? I'm just here for a quick visit the director."

For some reason, Zhongli felt disappointed. "I see. Perhaps another time then. I'm usually here every Sunday evening."

"Sure, I... I think I can work with that. See you then." And with that, you left. Leaving the man in the dust.

The next time Zhongli met you, it was another Sunday evening. When proper introductions were done, again, there was that flick of familiarity, but you did not bother. Once the both of you are seated in the benches just outside the museum, you showed him your laptop. When you did, you saw the the way Zhongli's expression shifted into a familiar sadness. It was almost like the expression you make whenever you face the empty painting.

"The field of glaze lillies, you see... I dream of it a lot. But not as the one displayed in the gallery. There were always two scenarios in the same field of glaze lillies."

Nostalgia filled Zhongli's entire being and he felt the Memory of Dust hum softly within him. It gave him a sense of comfort. The first picture was that of him and Guizhong in perfect likeness of their appearances. And the second... The second was also in perfect likeness of her death.

Observing the man's reaction. Something- sank into you. A realization. "Why... why do you look like him?"

The question brought Zhongli back to reality and quickly recovered himself, replying that it must be pure coincidence and chance. But he knows that you are her.

You were suspicious at his answer first, but brushed it off. Then your phone rang. Looking at the caller, you stood up. It was time for you to leave again.

"It seems that our time together has come to an end. As for the paintings, forget about it, would you?" Then you turned around, about to leave.

Those words... those words were also what Guizhong uttered when she-

The bench creaked as the man abruptly stood up, grabbing your wrist.

"D-don't leave..." Zhongli croaked, feeling... things again.

There was a desparation in his eyes you couldn't ignore. Your heart was beating loudly in panic. Don't leave? Why? Observing the man again, you decided that your worries were not of your priority. Zhongli began to sweat profusely, his grip tightening, his breathing labored, his body shivering, his eyes clouding.

"Shit, calm down, Zhongli. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving..." you said with a reassuring tone as you sat the two of you on the bench. His grip was still on your wrist but you didn't mind. "Come on work with me, Zhongli. Breathe with me. There, inhale... exhale... inhale... exhale..."

Inhale...

Exhale...

Inhale...

Exhale...

You're not leaving. You're there. You're alive. You're alive. You're alive. You're aliveYou're aliveYou're aliveYou're aliveYou're aliveYou're aliveYou're aliveYou're aliveYou're aliveYou're aliveYou're aliveYou're aliveYou're aliveYou're aliveYou're alive

"You okay?" Your voice brought him back to life again. Trying to reassociate himself, Zhongli took note of his surroundings. Then, he took note of how your hands held his.

"What's this?" The question piqued his curiosity. You knelt down the floor and lifted something, but he could not see. He took another note again, his heart felt emptier. Emptier...

The Memory of Dust!

When you were back at his side again, his panic rose when he saw you holding the memento. His instonct told him to take it back, but the way you held it seemed... right.

"This... How did you get this? I had this when I was five then it suddenly went missing when I was sixteen. How did you get this?"

Zhongli steeled himself. It was now or never. "D-Don't you remember me...? Guizhong?"

And just like that, your name from long before along with the artifact unlocked the memories which presented themselves as dreams haunting you for so long.

You saw everything. A great golden dragon by your side. A man and a crane on a high mountain peak. Battles and deaths. Ballistas. The floating chamber. The death of the dragon. And most of all, the man by your side with you in a field of lovely glaze lillies.

With tears streaking your cheeks, you gingerly held the now glowing artifact. "Are you not going to open this yet?" You asked the man with a teasing grin and an equally teasing tone towards him.

Zhongli, still processing, could only blink at your question. "W-what?"

You chuckled at his state. "Has your brain finally eroded, Morax? I asked when are you going to open the Memory?"

Morax?

Zhongli swiftly pulled you into a hug as he buried his face on your shouldef. He was holding onto you for dear life as you reciprocated the gesture as well.

"It's really you..." Zhongli murmmured, voice muffled, when you took notice of the interval shivers of his body.

"Come on, please tell me those are happy tears?" You asked curiously, still caressing the long hair of his. Zhongli could only nod and you laughed once more.

The moment the man nodded, the Memory of Dust crumbled away and Zhongli understood.

A/n: brain dead thoughts empty but i need more guizhong lore but happiness is the way to go lol

#genshin impact #zhongli #zhongli genshin impact #genshin imagines #genshin impact x reader #zhongli x reader #rex lapis #zhongli x guizhong

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ilovemesomekillianjones · 3 years

Text

Navigating the Storm (1/4)

Summary: Emma Swan navigates the aftermath of Neverland by trying to deal with everything the way she always has, by locking all her feelings away. Between having to share Henry with two other people now, her parents confession in the Echo Caves, her parents pushing her towards a man she has no interest in, and feelings for another man that she never expected to feel, Emma is at the end of her rope. *Post Neverland - No Curse*

Author’s Note: Thank you to my friend @hollyethecurious for beta reading this story for me! I have had this written for about three months now and have finally put on the finishing touches. This is part 1 of 4 - I will post a chapter a week. Hope you guys enjoy!

Rated M 4.5K ao3 ffnet Under the cut, promise

It had been exactly two weeks since they’d stepped foot back in Storybrooke, since bringing Henry home safely from Neverland. Two weeks in which Emma Swan had had very few chances to just be, to just breathe. Each breath felt like it was choked by the need to scream or cry. Two weeks of restless nights and emotionally fraught days; parents urging her toward a man she did not want, her mom wanting a new baby, another mom wanting her baby, not that she held anything against Regina. Henry was as much Regina’s as he was hers, she knew that, but that didn’t mean it didn’t weigh heavily on her soul. And of course there was Neal, who had been an ever-present thorn in her side during the last two weeks.

Emma wanted to blame everything on Neal, it would be so easy, but she couldn’t do that, there was rarely only one person to blame. She had to take some responsibility, too. He’d been bugging her about giving their relationship another shot, about putting aside the past to make a better future for Henry. Each time, Neal’s words would hit the solid mass of her thick skull and bounce right off, while simultaneously invoking a silent wrath in her being. What the everloving fuck was he thinking? How could the two of them being together be good for anyone? It didn’t help that her parents both still thought Neal was a saint. It didn’t help that each time they unwittingly made little comments about her giving him a chance, it felt like a little more of the world weighed on her shoulders.

Each morning she dragged her feet getting out of bed, if only to delay dealing with the barrage of shit she didn’t want to hear about or deal with. Of course, if she was honest with herself, she’d admit the reason she was feeling like this was because she was effectively not dealing with any of it. But why choose now to be honest with herself, she’d been content to ignore every other issue she’d dodged in life, abandonment, intimacy, self-worth, why stop now?

Emma hadn’t felt emotional sadness like this since the days between finding out she was pregnant in prison and knowing she would have to give her baby up. Her body felt heavy, her mind felt clouded, and her soul was just… sad, there wasn’t a better word for it. She hated this feeling, and when the sadness became too overwhelming, anger often surged in, and no one needed an angry Emma Swan around. She loved her family and her family-by-extension, but she needed a break.

As she walked toward Granny’s at a molasses slow pace, hands shoved in her jacket pockets, head down, where she was meeting her parents, Neal, Henry, and Regina for a late dinner, her eyes filled with tears. She struggled to inhale air past the lump forming in her throat. A deep anger rose within her, mostly because she was pissed at herself for wanting to cry. She didn’t know how to make everyone understand what she was feeling and why she was feeling it. No one had ever taught her the healing power of communication, while growing up in foster care. As the anger finally defeated the desire to cry, Emma Swan did what all responsible folks do and locked that shit up, deep inside where no one would see it.

“I saved you a seat, Ems,” Neal offered as she entered the diner.

“Yeah, look mom, right between me and dad,” Henry piped in.

Emma glanced at the six of them, one seat between Neal and Henry, no doubt by design and one seat at the other end of the table by her dad. “Uh, I have to discuss a case with David,” she lied. And boy did that make her feel like Shittiest Mom of the Year. “I’ll come back in a few.”

Taking off her jacket, she sat next to her dad and began speaking with him about the new project they were working on to make Storybrooke Sheriff’s Department digital. There was truly nothing she needed to discuss with him right this instant, but she could not handle another manipulation by Neal, especially in front of Henry, about getting back together.

“Why don’t you go sit with Henry and Neal,” David whispered, “we can discuss this tomorrow at work.”

Sucking in a deep breath to tamp down the edge of anger that started to creep up on her, Emma realized there was a silver lining here. At least he had whispered.

“I’m perfectly fine where I’m at,” she quietly replied, affecting a sense of calm she didn’t really feel.

“Oh, honey,” her mother began in what was not a whisper, “go sit down there, let me get a picture of the three of you.”

And just like that, there was another brick piled on her shoulders. She understood that her parents really did want what was best for her. Why couldn’t they just magically understand that Neal wasn’t it? She could hear Neal trying to coax her over and her head started to spin. She really did need that break.

As she choked on the sob that wanted to escape, the bell above the entrance rang, and if she’d never experienced what being saved by the bell meant, she was right now. “Hook,” she murmured, just a little more breathlessly than strictly necessary.

“What?” Snow asked.

“Hook’s here,” Emma said. “Why don’t you join us for dinner, Hook?” Emma called over to him. He was just the buffer she needed tonight. She didn’t miss the intrigue in his eyes, which he quickly masked with a conciliatory smile that didn’t quite reach those pretty blue eyes.

“While I appreciate the offer, I don’t wish to intrude,” he answered graciously.

“You’re not intruding, we were just sitting down to eat a meal. Everyone has to eat.”

“Well, if all of their Royal Highnesses don’t mind,” he acquiesced.

“Everyone scoot one seat to their right,” Emma instructed, she didn’t expect him to sit next to Neal, not with the current state of affairs.

Snow stared at her daughter wide eyed and Emma just stared back through narrowed eyes, hoping that her expression conveyed, he did save your husband’s life.

“Ems, I thought you were going to sit with me and Henry,” Neal asked, failing to mask the irritation in his voice.

And I thought I was meeting you with the bag of watches, not the cops, Emma thought bitterly. If Neal was going to use Henry against her, he was going to be sorry. She wasn’t going to stoop to the level of using a child to get what she wanted, but she was also not going to be bulldozed by her ex.

“That’s okay, dad,” Henry intervened. “Mom can sit with her friend. How’s the fastest ship in all the realms, Captain?”

Emma beamed at her son’s cherubic nature. He was truly good. He was innocent and perfect, and she felt like she might cry again as her young son saved her again.

“She’s jolly good, m’boy,” Hook answered merrily, obviously tickled that Henry had asked about his pride and joy. Or maybe it was simply because this boy treated him with common courtesy. Hook had vowed to himself to turn over a new leaf when he’d turned his ship around to help Emma save her son, and although he knew that, most people still treated him like the pirate they’d known him to be.

“You okay, Swan?” Hook asked her quietly, as conversation started up around the table.

“I- yeah,” she said, slapping on a smile, and even though it was an effort to smile, she found that she wanted to smile for Hook. She also found that he knew she was lying.

“If you ever want to talk about it, I’ve a never ending supply of rum aboard the Jolly.”

“I might just take you up on that,” she laughed. And it felt really good to laugh.

“I thought you said you’d back off,” Neal seethed as he walked over to their end of the table.

Emma looked between the two men before quietly sounding a warning. “We do not need another pissing contest here,” she hissed.

“Contest,” Neal fumed. “There is no contest, I’m Henry’s father, he’s a home-wrecking pirate.”

Emma’s head began to swim again as she listened to Neal berate Hook, as she read between the lines of what he’d said. He felt like he deserved her because they bore a child together.

“Is everything okay?” David asked.

Emma closed her eyes and weakly shook her head no. She would lose it if her parents got involved.

“Here Neal, why don’t you take my seat,” Snow offered.

Emma shook her head no again, but apparently no one was looking at her.

“Haven’t you destroyed enough lives?” Neal asked.

Emma’s eyes shot open and she’d hit just about her limit. Her throat felt like it was almost swollen shut as that urge to scream or cry or both, came raging back.

“Haven’t you done enough damage, Hook?”

“Bae-” Hook started

“Stop calling me that!”

“Neal,” Hook corrected, “it is not my intent to come between you and Emma. I was merely accepting the invitation she offered. I did say I would back off, I didn’t say I would ignore Emma if she requested my company.”

“Back off from what?” Emma asked, feeling a little annoyed that they’d been discussing her like a - she didn’t know what.

“Swan, I merely told Ba- Neal that I would not interfere if you two decided to pursue a chance at a family with Henry.”

“I think that is very noble, Hook,” Snow inserted.

“Not now, mom.”

“Well Emma, it’s only fair that you two have a real shot, now that you’ve been reunited,” Snow argued, “and I was just saying that I think it’s noble of Hook to put his feelings for you aside to give you and Neal that chance.”

That was it, that was her limit. Chances? Reunited? FAIR? The lights flickered twice before pitching Granny’s in darkness. Emma stood up and placed both her palms flat down on the table.

“Regina,” Emma said in a ragged voice, barely containing her emotions, which she desperately wanted to contain with Henry present. “Take him home, please.”

“Come on, Henry. I have lasagna at home,” Regina said, without having to be asked again. She could feel the energy of the situation sizzling about, and she knew only too well the magical properties of raw emotion. Of course Henry instinctively knew to listen as well. “Granny’s is closed,” Regina announced, “Mayor’s orders.”

The several patrons around had the good sense to slap some money on the counter and head out.

“I love you, mom. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Henry said as he and Regina readied to leave. He came to her end of the table and gave her a hug.

“I love you too, kid,” Emma responded as she ruffled Henry’s hair, and the lights flickered back to life.

Once Henry and Regina were gone, Emma eyed her parents. She tried breathing in and out slowly. She didn’t want to fight, she didn’t want to hurt them, she didn’t want to cry. But something had to give.

“Mom, Dad,” she whispered, as she knew her voice would crack if she attempted to speak in a normal voice. “I’ve been having a really-” a broken sob overtook Emma, halting her words. Her face crumbled, tears filling her eyes and falling to her cheeks, as the full weight of what she’d been dealing with overwhelmed her.

“Oh honey,” Snow cried as she stood up to try and comfort her daughter.

Emma held up a hand and shook her head no at her mother. “Please… don’t. I have to do this.”

Snow’s face fell as her daughter rejected her, but she sat back down to comply with her daughter’s wishes.

“Go on, Emma,” her father said quietly.

Nodding her head, she took another big breath. “I’ve been having a really hard time since we came back from Neverland. I’m happy that you want a new baby, I am, but it also hurt to hear that you wanted to have a chance to experience everything we never got to, and I know that’s not your fault, but it still hurts. And I am happy that Henry has Regina, because no matter what, she really does love him. But it hurts to have to share him with her when we have a third person to share him with now, it’s less time, when I’ve already missed so much.”

“It wouldn’t be if you spent time with me and Henry,” Neal muttered.

“Goddammit, Neal!” Emma yelled, pounding her fists on the table. “You have got to stop that. I’m struggling with my parents wanting a new baby and I am struggling with sharing Henry with you. But my biggest problem, the one that eats away at me every day, is you! I can’t stand the way you try to manipulate me in front of my son, making it seem like I’m the only reason we can’t be a family. You showed up to Storybrooke with a fiancée, don’t act like you came back here to win me over or some other noble bullshit. And I can’t stand that my parents think you should be my happy ending.” Another sob choked her words and she paused to catch her breath. “You will never be my happy ending,” she yelled before leaving the diner.

Emma jogged down the walkway, unsure of where to go, but knowing she couldn’t remain in there one second longer. She didn’t want to see the looks she’d put on her parents’ faces anymore and she didn’t want to deal with Neal. After an hour of wandering, she found herself down by the icy cold shoreline. She sat down in the freezing sand and folded her arms around her legs. Resting her chin on her knees, she lamented the fool she’d made of herself and the mess she’d made of things.

“Awfully cold for camping at the beach,” Hook said.

Emma jumped so hard, it hurt her butt when she landed back in the unforgiving sand. “Jesus Christ, you scared me. Are you following me?”

“Sorry, love,” Hook apologized, holding hand and hook in the air as he always did when she went on the offensive. “I didn’t mean to alarm you. And no, I am not following you. I was up on the deck of my ship and saw your golden hair in the moonlight; wanted to make sure you don’t catch your death out here.” He handed her a blanket.

“Thank you,” she said through chattering teeth, only now realizing just how cold it was. “You probably need to invest in some warmer clothes if you’re planning to stay in Storybrooke for the winter.”

“Is that an invitation, Swan?”

She just rolled her eyes as she held her hand out to him to help her up.

“Don’t worry your heart, I am plenty hot,” he flirted, extending his hand and pulling her up.

“You are plenty full of yourself is what you are,” she laughed. “I don’t know why I ended up here. I just… I cannot go home. I should probably see if Granny has a room available. Paying her some rent is the least I could do after clearing out her customers.”

Hook scratched behind his ear, his nervous habit that always made Emma chuckle inside, because how did The Captain Hook have a nervous tic?

“You could stay on the Jolly, if you like. You know, instead of walking back to Granny’s.”

“Is that an invitation, Hook?” Emma countered.

“Actually, it is,” he said as he bowed deeply, holding his right hand out in the direction of his ship.

She decided it was probably her best option for the night. She didn’t want to see her parents at the loft, she definitely didn’t want to risk running into Neal at Granny’s, and she was far too proud to ask Regina for a crash pad. So, she followed the direction of Hook’s extended hand and headed to the Jolly.

“Thank you,” she mumbled as they headed down into the Captain’s Quarters. It was only slightly warmer below deck, and she wondered how cold he got at night.

“Perhaps a little gratitude is in order,” he smirked, pointing his finger to his lips as he had done several weeks ago.

Emma didn’t even have to think about it this time. She launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and backing him up against the wall. She kissed him just as passionately as she had back on that Hell Island, but this time, she had no intent of limiting their activities to just a kiss.

“Swan,” he moaned against her mouth.

“Hmmm?” she hummed as she continued to learn his mouth and his tongue which had come out to play.

She loved the way his hook felt pressed at her back and the way his hand cupped her cheek before sliding into her hair. She took the opportunity to quickly run her hands up through his chest hair before shifting them up under his jacket to divest him of it.

“Swan, stop,” he whispered between kisses. “Stop, darling.”

Emma immediately pulled back. Like, what? “What’s the problem,” she asked defensively.

“I apologize lass, it was a poorly timed Neverland reference.”

“A… joke?” Emma’s head began spinning again. One million thoughts ran through her head as her brows furrowed and panic hit her eyes. Her mouth turned down as a strangle hold settled over her... rejection. She’d had one melt down and now she was damaged goods in his eyes. A one time thing, she’d said, and he was the one who was going to enforce it. “I have to go,” she muttered, mind already on auto pilot to the lovely land of orphans-aren’t-worthy-of-love.

Killian quickly blocked her path to the door. Bad move.

“Get. Out. Of. My. Way,” she seethed. “You don- don’t want me...” Oh fuck, she panicked, the tears were going to start again. When would this roller coaster come crashing to a halt? Emma Swan, Dumpster Fire, she mused, it had a truer ring than Emma Swan, Savior.

“Don’t you tell me what I want or do not want,” Hook reprimanded. “I want you, I have wanted you, far more and far longer than you know.” He stepped into her space and lifted her chin with his hook, until she had no choice but to look into his eyes. “Make no mistake about that, love.” A fire burned between them, something palpable, and only by sheer force of will, was Hook denying himself the pleasure she’d been looking to bring him mere moments before.

Truth. Truth is what she saw in Hook’s eyes. “Then why are you pushing me away,” she asked, lips still quivering with the threat of tears.

“Because I won’t exploit your emotions, that would be the pinnacle of bad form.”

“What?”

Hook took her hand and led her to sit on his bed. “Emma, you just confessed major hurt and heartache to your parents. You obviously have unresolved issues with Bae, and you’re harboring a sadness that is ruling your emotions. Despite Neverland and everything that happened there, I have never seen you this close to the brink of despair.”

A tear slipped down as Hook brought his hand up to cup her cheek. “Look at me, Emma.”

She sniffled, but complied, as she realized he was not going to continue until she looked at him.

“You are strong, and you will get through this, but a quick romp in the sack is not part of the solution. I cannot in good conscience let you lead us down a path that you will undoubtedly regret. It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to me.”

“If I don’t get to tell you what you do or don’t want, then you shouldn’t get to tell me what I will or won’t regret,” she huffed.

Hook smiled at the fire that lit his Swan, and continued on, “I did promise Bae that I would back off, I thought it was best for Henry, if it was what you wanted as well.”

“I don’t want that,” Emma interrupted.

“I know you don’t want that. Tonight made that clear,” he assured her. “But tonight also showed that you have some things to work out. I am here for you, Emma, and no matter what our future holds, I will stand by your side and help you traverse all of it. But where matters of our hearts are concerned, I cannot be your port in this storm if you only plan to pack up and set sail when the tide calms and the tempest parts.”

Tears surged forth once more as she lunged at Hook again, but this time just to throw herself into his embrace. She didn’t even know why she was crying, but she knew that this, him, everything he’d just said, this was what she needed. Someone to stand by her side, someone to accept her for her, someone who knew that she had shitty baggage but was okay with it and wanted to help her lighten her load. “I just want to forget, I want five minutes where I don’t feel like everything is closing around me like a vice.”

“That’s it lass, everything is going to be okay, I promise,” he murmured as he wrapped his arms around her protectively. “Let it out, crying can be quite cathartic when you let it.”

Emma cried a little harder as she listened to his soothing voice. She sat up many moments later when she’d cried herself out. Wiping away her tears, she looked at the man next to her. “How did you get so wise,” she asked in a nasally, I’ve-been-crying voice.

“How’s that?”

“About crying being cathartic.”

“Ah,” Hook chuckled as he blushed a bit. “You pick up some things as the centuries pass. I may have learned that sometimes letting out pent up emotion is better than harbouring it until it blows up.”

“Thank you, Killian,” she whispered, before leaning in and tenderly placing a chaste kiss to his lips.

“You called me Killian.”

The bit of awe in his eyes made Emma giggle. “That is your name, isn’t it?”

“Aye, but you know what I mean, love,” he chuckled with her.

She laughed again until she was caught in a yawn that wracked her whole body.

“Let me get you something to sleep in.” Hook went to an antique armoire and pulled out one of his shirts and a pair of long johns. “These should keep you warm.” After handing them to her, he placed a kiss on her cheek. “I’ll let you get some rest, no doubt your day has been taxing.” Then he turned to leave.

Before he could make it to the door, Emma reached out to grab his hook. He turned around to see what she needed.

“Will you stay with me?”

His eyes pleaded with her not to tempt him into breaking his word. His good form.

“I promise I won’t jump your bones, sailor.” She rolled her eyes playfully, but then she glanced away and folded her arms around herself, a vulnerability encasing her whole form before she spoke again. “I just want you to hold me,” she whispered.

His chest ached for her, for this tender side of Emma Swan that he’d never been privy to. Why would he ever deny her something as simple as holding her? “Of course, love.” After changing into something passable for sleep attire, he joined Emma in his bed.

“I know this is going to sound sappy, but today, at Granny’s, when you showed up, I was on the brink of losing my mind,” Emma confessed as she lay snuggled against his side, his right arm wrapped around her, making her feel safe. “But when I saw you, I felt like… like I might be able to get through it, like everything would be okay, if only you were with me. That’s why I asked you to stay.”

“And did it help, having me there?”

“All I know is, even though I didn’t say everything I need to get off my chest, I did get through part of it, and I am glad you were there.”

“Happy to oblige, darling.” Hook craned his neck forward to place a kiss to the crown of her head.

Pulling the blankets up to her neck, Emma shivered. “Give me your other arm, you’re warmer than these blankets.”

“My hook,” he said, holding up the shiny version of his moniker. “I wouldn’t want to accidentally harm you.”

“Then take it off,” Emma responded as though it were the most obvious answer in the world.

“I don’t think so, love.”

“Why not?” she asked, sitting up to look at him.

Hook took advantage of his freed arm and scrubbed his hand over his face. “It’s not a sight I wish you to see, it’s actually quite revolting.”

“I don’t believe for a second that any part of Killian Jones is revolting,” Emma said, gently pulling his left arm toward her.

“Swan,” he groaned.

“Killian, you saw me at my most vulnerable today, and you didn’t run for the hills. I won’t either,” she promised softly. “I don’t think you understand that what I like about you is this,” she placed her hand over his heart, “the man you are.”

Killian placed his hand over hers, where it rested on his chest and brought it to his brace. “Okay then, go ahead.”

Carefully unfastening the buckles, Emma pulled the entire brace away from his arm. She held his forearm in one hand and ran the fingers of her other hand over the scarred flesh, inspecting the damage. Although Hook was right, it wasn’t a “pretty” sight, it wasn’t nearly as bad as he would have had her believe. “Does it still hurt?”

“Aye, sometimes.”

She delicately massaged in a downward motion, from his forearm to the end of his wrist, and watched his face. He wasn’t making eye contact with her, but rather, watching her ministrations. He looked half panic stricken, like he might bolt, and half enchanted by her touch. She followed the pattern several times until he’d fully relaxed to her touch. “See, was that so bad?”

Hook’s face was a deep shade of red and his entire body had broken out in goosebumps. He didn’t know how to answer her question. He had never willingly let another person see his mutilated arm, let alone touch it. On one hand, it was that bad, he felt laid bare before her and he was still dressed. On the other hand, or hook, as it were, he felt something akin to what she had explained earlier, like he would be okay, because she was there. “I suppose not,” he murmured, all the more enamored by this enchanting woman.

“Good.” Laying back down, she wrapped both his arms around her and snuggled into him. “Much better.” Emma slept better that night than she had since they’d come home from Neverland.

Tagging some lovelies - please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed!

@laschatzi @qualitycoffeethings @hookedonapirate @wordsmith-storyweaver @kmomof4 @winterbaby89 @hollyethecurious @wyntereyez @hooklineandswan @teamhook @let-it-raines @whimsicallyenchantedrose @spartanguard @tiganasummertree@apromisednightcap @xemmaloveskillianx @elizabeethan @cocohook38 @optomisticgirl @darkcolinodonorgasm @jennjenn615 @timeless-love-story @girl-in-a-tiny-box @thesschesthair @galadriel26 @ultraluckycatnd @lifeinahole27 @therooksshiningknight @kday426 @djlbg @superchocovian @itsfabianadocarmo @lfh1226-linda @delightfully-difficult-pirate @thejollyswan @csalltheway @xarandomdreamx @vvbooklady1256 @withheartfulloflove @resident-of-storybrooke @mcakers @gingerchangeling @searchingwardrobes @snowbellewells

#cs ff #cs fan fic #captain swan #captain swan ff #captain swan fan fiction

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moon-nymphet · 3 years

Note

Hcs or scenario (whatever you like!) *warning extreme angst* oikawa, kuroo and osamu with a crush. They mutually like each other but never made a move to progress anything. One day another girl comes along and the boys move onto them instead. Crush is upset but accepts it and backs off. A bit later the boys realise the new girl they’re with was just something fresh and new and they don’t actually like them. They want to go back to oh crush but they already have no feelings for them anymore 😢😢

i swear i cried real tears while writing this, i love destroying my own mental health (∪ ◡ ∪) and ahhh this took me so long to write bc i’m so freaking insecure about the quality of my writing, i’m sorry this is so bad but there u gooo ♡

♡ we could have been something ;; haikyuu

warnings: angst, rough language

kuroo

you know this type of friendship where the limits are so difuse that the rest of people beggins noticing you had a thing for each other ? that’s what kuroo and you have had for the longest time

kuroo and you spent most of your time hanging out together, you went to see him training and he always called you his girlfriend in front of his teammates just because he loved to see you all flustered, you worried so much about each other almost like a couple, and you were even starting to get along with kenma, so you knew for a fact that you were into each other, or at least that’s what you thought ??

as you two were pretty childish you used to bicker all the time, nothing serious most of the times because none of you could get away more than a day without talking to each other, and when you had this little arguments it was about silly things that didn’t matter

that continued being like that until this day kuroo started reproaching you that he was so tired of trying without a result — “you seem to fucking ignore the obvious signals i’m sending you y/n, are you playing the dumb role ??? i can’t continue like this anymore, i’m sorry but i met this girl and she showed me clearly that she wants to be with me as more than a friend” — and leaving you completely broken, he suddenly walked away from your life without a previous warning

at first you felt so guilty, it was true, you were a bit shy and insecure, but you thought he liked you just the way you were ? but then you understood well how things were in reality, your silly ass thought you two had something meaningful

sure it hurted to see him walking hand in hand with the stereotypical mean girl from highschool movies, but you know the worst part of this ?? it wasn’t her fault, it was his and only his. and that’s what broke you the most

things continued being the same for a while, and to be honest, it was a bit hard at the beggining, but when you finally realized you were just his toy, his distraction, you felt nothing but repulsion towards him

and that’s on why you rejected him so coldly when he left the girl that he “truly loved” to come back to you; yeah he did. and you knew he was regretting so hard leaving you, but you simply couldn’t trust his feelings for you anymore

“please y/n ... i acted like a horny teenager, i just knew things were gonna be easier with her and i was starting to lose hope in having something more with you, but it’s you, it’s always been you” kuroo kneeled in front of you, holding your hand to prevent you from leaving. but you couldn’t do other than looking at him with eyes full of pity, knowing from the beggining what you would say to him

“i’m sorry. i can’t. i don’t trust you anymore kuroo. it was so hard for me, you know ?? you abandoned me without a fucking sign of considerateness” as you abrutly let go of his hand and turned away, leaving him there, tears started falling from the corner of your eye, but no. you weren’t going to turn back to him, you wouldn’t do such harm to yourself

oikawa

were you aware of his reputation ?? the answer is yes, but you felt so happy when you were around him that you didn’t care in the least. “people talk when they have nothing important to do, this boy is such a sweetheart” is what you thought when tooru oikawa started paying you more attention than he did with other girls

he is every girl’s dream, a cute boy who treats you like an absolute princess. toruu took you on inifinity of dates, and you always had such a good time with him, time went by so fast when it was spent with oikawa. you saw life in pink when he picked you up with his car and stared at you, just to let out a “you look so fucking stunning today my little cutie”

at that time you didn’t really understand why you didn’t formalize things once and for all; he looked interested in you and you tried your best to let him know that you were into him too, the intimacy between you two was beggining to grow, you started doing more and more things together, everything was so idyllic it was hard to believe it was all real

but soon you saw the true colors of things, it didn’t take you that much time to learn that oikawa didn’t want to confess he really liked you because he didn’t want to lose all his fangirls.

it was such an ego-booster for tooru to know he had plenty of girls willing to do everything just for a night with him, that he had a big catalogue of girls to choose which one he wanted to have fun with

it’s not that he didn’t like you, it’s just that he wasn’t confident enough for you, and it showed when you saw him flirting with another girl in front of the high school entrance, his lips so close to hers they weren’t touching for a milimeter, leaving you in a big shock. that situation made you feel the dumbest shit ever, you knew who you were dealing with but you thought he was going to be different this time

yeah, you were the dumbest shit ever for believing that

although you waited anxiously for him to call, toruu never called you again from that day, and you couldn’t help but feel so ashamed of yourself. you knew you were fucked when you started feeling sorry for yourself, being such a desperate and ridiculous ass for some fuckboy that didn’t gave a shit about you

a good two weeks had to pass for you to start feeling better, because even if you knew you weren’t his girlfriend, you still felt betrayed. it hurt to see how you were nothing special for him, so replaceable it was even impressive

and talking about impressive, that’s how i’d call the fact that tooru had the audacity to text you after some time like nothing hapenned. “are you angry with me ???” — and the truth is that you weren’t angry, you were never angry with him, your feelings were deeply hurt but that’s all

“tooru ?? what does this means ?” after hesitating for a while if you should text him back and trying to resist the temptation, you ended up doing it

“it means please open the door my little cutie, i’m outside your house ” you couldn’t believe your eyes to what you were reading, but you went and opened the door for him to find out what all of this was about

“can i... ??” the tall setter grabbed your chin with his long and fine fingers, bringing your face closer to his. you didn’t even have time to react, oikawa didn’t finish his sentence but instead he pressed his lips against yours. you were absolutely freaking out, that leading you to break the kiss when you realized what was happening

“the fuck you think you are doing tooru oikawa ? you think you can come here after a whole ass month and act as if nothing happened ??”

“please listen to me y/n, it wasn’t my intention to hurt your feelings, i’m sorry if you felt that way. i realized i truly want to be with you” he intensely stared into your eyes with that look of his. it was so alluring you almost gave in, but that wasn’t happening

“i’m not one of that hoes you can fuck one time and never call me back, i’m not that type. you keep saying you’re sorry about me feeling that way, not about what you fucking did. i don’t like you anymore oikawa and i regret so much that i did like you some time ago. and please now i’ll have to ask you to dissapear from my life”

he looked at you for some seconds with watery eyes before leaving without saying a word, and you genuinely weren’t able to tell if he was feeling that way or he was faking it. but that’s it, your story with oikawa tooru, your first and last kiss with him

osamu

your relationship with osamu was so difficult to describe, like, really difficult. you met him some years ago when you started going to inarizaki high and you didn’t really click with each other, but you soon became a great friend of atsumu

and that obviously carries seeing osamu frequently as he’s atsumu’s twin brother and they had quite a good relationship. don’t be mistaken, it’s not that you suddenly clicked and everything was amazing between you two, no

everything remained the same, and i could even say that the tension between osamu and you grew bigger because you simply couldn’t be around the other without bickering and disagreeing on the littlest of the things, that leading to atsumu having to stop you from fighting

but who says that tension wasn’t sexual at all ?? — because if you say so you’re completely wrong. it was so luring for you when he was just as sarcastic as you were with him, or when you said you were fucking tired of his shit and he came up with a defiantly “and what are you gonna do about it, huh ???”

it could be said that you were never attracted to easy things, and that included persons. it was easy to see you hated each other in such a lustful way it could turn into love without none of you noticing

and i’m not gonna lie, that’s what happened, but maybe you weren’t confident enough to confess when you noticed the feeling that started invading your heart. it was difficult to believe it could be reciprocate, but the same thing happened to osamu

none of you gave in to the feeling and things just happened to grow more tense as stupid as it may sound, leading you both to a cloud of confusion about what you should do. sadly, things don’t go always the way we want them to go

that’s what you learned when you were hanging out at atsumu’s and jealousy suddenly consumed you on the spot. osamu nonchalantly entered the house with a girl you didn’t knew, and went all the way to his room with her without even saying his usual “hello you dumbfuck” to you, closing the door behind his back

you couldn’t help it, and you stormed out of the house without even giving atsumu an explanation, you needed to be left alone with your thoughts

for the next days you couldn’t bring the face of that random girl out of your mind for a second, she looked like she knew what she was going to do when she entered osamu’s room, and you wished so bad you were her

but that’s what you got for not confessing on time

even though it was difficult, you had to get used to seeing the boy you like with other girl, and with the pass of time, it became easier and easier. maybe it was because you were starting to feel nothing for him but rage, rage because he didn’t notice you were so into him, or maybe he just didn’t care because he didn’t feel the same

sometimes you would think rationally and in a lucid moment, you realized it was your fault for being a coward ass and not confessing, but that didn’t matter at all because now you were over the romantic feeling, it was just regret what was left, maybe something beautiful could have happened

after some time, atsumu asked you what was going on that day, and now that you weren’t sensitive about that topic anymore you decided to be honest with him and tell him the truth. you could see the anguish in his face and you couldn’t tell why, but you understood it all some days after when osamu came to your house with a nervous aura and you felt even more dumb if it could happen

“i think i like you quite a lot... you dumbfuck” (yeah as you can see you had a beautiful nickname) he let those words out with an annoyed expression in his face

“oh no this can’t be happening now” you thought to yourself. “...samu ??... and what about... her ??”

“i left her y/n. i don’t wanna be with her if i can be with you, she was just the band-aid for my wound... you.” osamu directed his grey gaze to the floor, his expression softened as he confessed this to you. you couldn’t help but break down into tears, this couldn’t be happening to you. “hey... why are you crying y/n? are you okay?” concern showing in his voice

“it’s just that i feel like a true dumbfuck samu.” you tried to smile through your tears and downplay the matter but it was impossible at that point. the boy looked at you with a confused guise, tilting his head to one side and furrowing his brows. “i’m sorry love... i don’t feel like that”

“but tsumu said...” — his words were interrupted by you placing your index finger against his lips as you directed your teary gaze to him.

“not anymore samu... it was a while ago. i’m deeply sorry, you can’t even imagine how much and i hope you can forgive me for being such a dumbass” you tried to say it in the softest way you could because you truly were feeling like that

“hey y/n. don’t worry. it’s not your fault. i get it, come here” you felt osamu’s arms taking you in a tight embrace, giving an end to a beautiful story that didn’t even got time to start

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chipper9906 · 3 years

Text

Maybe

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR LOKI SEASON 01 EPISODE 05: ‘JOURNEY INTO MYSTERY’ AND SEASON 01 EPISODE 04: ‘THE NEXUS EVENT’

Pairings: Loki/Sylvie

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 4,124

Status: One Shot - Complete

Chapter Preview:

He had meant for it to come out more as a question, an offering. A possibility for the both of them. But what it really sounded like was a… well; a sincere, hope-filled attempt to keep hold of… this. Whatever this was, he knew he wanted it. However things went, he knew-

He wanted Sylvie in his life.

His heart was racing in his chest, pounding almost as hard as it does in the midst of battle. In the unlikely event he’s a free man after all of this over, he’ll have to go and find his brother - if he’ll even talk to him, that is - and apologize for the harsh insult he used; for berating his older brother over his affection for that Earth woman.

He understood now.

Link To Fic

Click Below To Keep Reading

Author Note:

Oh Boy, here I go again, getting sucked into yet another ship. Basically, this is a dive into Loki's thoughts during the blanket scene in Episode 5 "Journey Into Mystery" because man, I sure do love getting into a character's head and breaking down their thought process.

P.S. No joke, I think I re-watched the blanket scene like... over 40 times I counted, roughly. Wanted to make sure I got every detail right lmao.

Oh wow, would you look at that - yet ANOTHER fic based on the blanket scene? I'm sure this hasn't been done by many different people ever since Episode 5 aired! Nah, I'm sure this is purely original stuff.

(Listen, this scene and - consequently - this fic got stuck in my head and I just had to write it down and... well here we are.

* * *

This was, as he had said, new for him.

It was… strange, to say the least. Not just because the woman who was sat next to him was, technically, on some sort of level, himself. And yet… not. Sylvie was her own person, that was for sure. And the only Loki, from who he’s met, who refuses to be called Loki. She had chosen her own name, and was currently choosing – or carving, was more accurate – her own path. A way out of the never-ending, self-sabotaging, “only use is for improving others” apparent destiny they’ve all found themselves in.

She had lived an entirely different life from him - and the use of the word ‘different’ here is strongly applied. It makes him a little uneasy when he dwells on it for too long if he’s being honest with himself. Yes, there may some similarities between them, as to be expected, but Sylvie had lived her own set of experiences different to his. Differences that had shaped her, made her see the world… universe… timeline? All of that, in a different way to him. Learning of the things she had gone through, what she’s trying to accomplish… it made his “glorious purpose” of ruling over “Mid-guard” seem like a spoiled boy's desperate attempt to feel important.

Everything with Sylvie and the TVA had shut down that ideal very quickly. Or, at least, has changed his view of his “Glorious Purpose”. The one change that he hadn’t seen coming, that Sylvie herself had told him; the very first words she had actually said to him:

“This isn’t about you.”

No, it wasn’t about him. Not just him, anyway. It was… it was all of him. Every version of himself out there, and every other variant of... Of everyone to have ever existed. Those, just like him, who are punished for stepping out of their pre-written timeline. Those that, when they try to change themselves, to be the person who those that loved him did everything in their power to guide them to be, were snatched away by the TVA and sent here to this pit of unwanted, broken things; left with nothing but unforgiving and dirty survival, only to lead to their inevitable death.

And it’s cold.

“Mobius isn’t so bad.”

Sylvie breaks the comfortable lull of silence they had found themselves in. They were, technically, supposed to be ironing out the details of this plan to enchant a creature much, much larger than them, whose only desire is to eat everything that enters the world they’re currently in. Which is why, perhaps, they had taken the moment to just… breathe. A moment of rest, side by side. Whilst it was true that his plan of killing the gargantuan cloud thing was near suicidal, it would be fair to say that Sylvie’s plan was equally as dangerous. Then again, what did he expect? Seemed that every type of Loki out there isn’t the best at creating plans…

“Or so good,” Loki counters. It seemed almost cruel to say, but… it was also true, wasn’t it? Sure, Mobius had done the things he’d done because he thought they were the right things to do – but that didn’t take away from the fact that he’d done them. How many variants, not only of him, but of so many other poor souls had been doomed to this place because of his work? Still, it wasn’t like Mobius had the full picture with everything. Mobius had been lied to just as much as he had. “I think that’s why we get along.”

A small smile pulls at Sylvie’s lips. She takes a deep breath in, staring out to the horizon where Alioth awaits prowling his territory. “He cares about you.”

That catches him off guard. He supposed that she and Mobius must have had some type of conversation in however long they’d spent driving to reach them. Apparently, the topic of conversation must have steered towards him at some point. And somehow, through that, Sylvie had deduced that Mobius… cared about him?

There’s a soft, knowing smile on Sylvie’s face as she catches sight of his reaction. It was probably the closest similarity they shared: friendships… didn’t quite seem to happen for them.

But there’s something else there in Sylvie’s expression as she looks to him. Almost a twinge of… of sadness. It sends an aching sort of pain through his chest as he sees it, coming to a sudden realization in his head. He knew that, deep down, the reason for his own loneliness was all due to himself. He knows now that there were plenty in his life that loved him, that always treated him like family even when, genetically, he wasn’t. But he had been blinded by jealousy and hatred, hatred that they had kept the secret of his true nature quiet for so long. It was because of this; this stubbornness and this selfish, false ideal that he deserves more, that he had made himself alone.

But Sylvie…? She had been well and truly alone. From such a young age, an age where his mother had barely begun teaching him the basics of magic, she had been snatched away from her life. Everything she ever knew and loved had been wiped away, the timeline dumped here just like everything else the TVA – or whoever the hell is actually in charge of the damn universe and its multiple timelines – decided was too much of a threat. Ever since then, from that very same day she had managed to escape their clutches, she had been running alone. All those years, fighting to survive, completely alone, existing in one apocalypse after the other. Even if she did try and interact with the people in those timelines, what would be the point? They were doomed to die, anyway…

Her words echo in his head for a moment, her sad smile seemingly etched into his memory. A part of him, that strangely soft side he didn’t know existed that had been growing stronger and stronger these past few days, burst with the need to do something, to remove the pain she was feeling. For just a split second, he nearly gives into it. He nearly says the words that were forcing their way to the forefront of his brain.

‘I care about you.’

But the words stay safely locked away in his head. Sylvie looks away from him, and the moment passes. He didn’t know if she had been expecting for him to say anything, and he certainly didn’t know what it is she might have thought he would say. His mind clambers for something, for anything to try and bring the moment back.

A strong gust of cool wind blows over them, sending chills across his pale skin - despite the long-sleeved shirt he was wearing. He knew that, if he really wanted to warm himself up, he could shift into his true form. Except, he didn’t see it as his true form. He has been an Asgardian as long as he can remember, and for all intents and purpose, this is who he’s meant to be. He is the son of Odin, son of Frigga, brother to Thor, an Asgardian, and he’s proud of that.

And that’s when the idea pops into his head.

“It’s cold,” Loki states the obvious to Sylvie with a shiver of his upper body, glancing over to try and catch her reaction out of the corner of his eye. For a moment, he wonders if Sylvie has the same views on their true heritage as he does, considering that, in her timeline, she was told she was adopted much earlier than he was.

She doesn’t mention anything about it, though. Instead, she simply agrees with his statement with a hum of “Mmm-Hmm,” but it’s exactly the kind of answer he’s looking for.

From the outside, it looks like an easy twirl of his fingers and a burst of lime-green light, but in reality, it’s years and years of practice, both by himself and… and with his mother. The weight of the blanket - though light - is comforting as it wraps around his shoulders; silky smooth to the touch and of a darker green than the light of his their magic.

The burst of color gets Sylvie’s attention, looking over to Loki again to see the new blanket he had materialized out of seemingly thin air - which… he did.

“I could conjure one for you, if you like?” Loki offers.

Sylvie smiles for just a split second, enough for Loki to believe that she might just say yes. But then her nose scrunches as she comes back to herself, and the belief is gone. “Tell you what, you could conjure me a new outfit,” Sylvie says off-handedly, pulling at the tight collar of her outfit. “You have no idea how uncomfortable something like this is.”

It’s a deflection. He knows that all too well, because… because it’s something he’d do. Not that he can blame her in the slightest. As he had said, just before he was pruned through the heart and sent here - this was entirely new for him. Sure, he had had his fair share of flings back home. Rare occasions when he would give in to temptations, let himself experience a slice of normality. But it was never real. He did not doubt that those that fell into his bed did not do so because they felt a connection, or saw a future. And neither did he. He was a prince, a God, and for most, saying you were able to seduce a prince was an achievement. And for him? Well, it was an easy means to an end, he supposed.

But this? This felt real. It was strange, it was something he had never experience before, and quite frankly, it scared the ever-living God’s out of him. So sure, he knew how to flirt… somewhat. But with this, with Sylvie? Everything was different, and he had no clue whatsoever what he should do.

“So…” Sylvie breaks him out of his thoughts. “Mobius, and his theory about…”

Oh. Well, he certainly hadn’t been expecting for the conversation to go there. Really, he had thought she might try and pretend to have never heard what Mobius had said.

“Right, right. About our Nexus event-,”

“Total rubbish, right?”

He’d be lying if he said that didn’t sting a little bit. “Absolutely,” ‘Liar’, a voice in his head hisses. “Of course, I mean-,”

“I don’t mean that it wasn’t a nice moment,” Sylvie hurries to say, and it lessens that sting just a little bit.

“No, it was great! It was really nice.”

“It just… sounds like another TVA lie.”

Which... Yes, when he thinks about it, could you easily have been a lie. Not that he thinks that Mobius would lie to them about this, no, but that someone else within the TVA had fed Mobius the lie. For what reason, he's not entirely sure. To throw them off the scent perhaps? Keep them from figuring out what can really cause a Nexus Event so powerful that it could conceivably take the TVA down.

Or, perhaps they just enjoyed lying. More than him even - and that's saying something.

"A hundred percent. I mean totally, yeah."

And oh, what was this? Loki tries to meet her eye, expecting her to nod her head vehemently in agreement to his statement. But... She won't look at him. She gives a somewhat strained-looking smile, more like a grimace than anything, and if he looks hard enough - by which he means projects his own feelings onto Sylvie and hopes she feels the same - he could almost imagine there was a flicker of disappointment there, too.

"I don't know how to do this," Sylvie says, an admission he didn't expect. She looks about as awkward as he feels, eyes fixated on her fingers as she plays with them.

"I don't even know what we're doing," Loki returns, and dear oh dear did he genuinely mean that. One moment he thinks he should take that step, say something, anything. And then the very next moment it becomes the wrong time, the wrong thing to say, and he's back to square one.

It was frustrating, to say the least.

"I don't have friends," Sylvie carries on, and it's another dagger through the heart. Yet another thing that was so similar, yet so, so different. He had been given so many opportunities for companionship, for friends, but he repeatedly threw them all away. But Sylvie? She wasn't even given the chance. She truly had-

"I don't have..." Sylvie trails off, a long gap where she struggles to find the right word to use. Her eyes had locked onto his, and he knew that nothing less than Alioth appearing right above their heads would get him to tear his eyes away.

"... Anyone."

"Well, there are more important things, right?" Loki desperately grasps for something to wipe away the blank, dejected look that was etched onto her features.

"Right? Yeah, like bringing down the TVA."

For once, one of his plans was going well. "Saving the universe, even."

"Well, there's no need to be dramatic - but yeah, kind of!"

Then there it was again - a particularly strong breeze pushing up to the little hill they were sat on. Sylvie gives a little shiver as it washes over them, a barely noticeable shuffle in an attempt to get warm, and Loki jumps at the opportunity.

It only takes one small adjustment, a brief push of magic, and then the blanket is growing, wrapping itself around Sylvie's shoulders in a motion so smooth, you'd think he'd done something like this hundreds of times before. Loki smiles gently to her when she notices the change, and his smile only grows more as Sylvie pulls the blanket tighter around her shoulders, shuffling closer to him by just the smallest of movements. Yet another plan he could now say was a success.

"It's not very snuggly."

Or, maybe not. "Okay," Loki manages to get out through a surprised laugh, but he does get some sort of gratification in seeing her smile at his response.

"Is it a tablecloth?"

"No, it's a blanket," Loki finds himself strangely defending his materialized choice of cloth.

There’s a pause, the quickest of glances up to him. He sees a brief flash of pink as she pokes out the tip of her tongue between her lips, wetting them as she struggles to get out her next words. “Thank you.”

Loki gets a strange feeling she doesn’t get to say that all too often. Whether that be because she chooses not to, or because she’s never had the opportunity to. When was the last time someone did something nice for her…?

“My pleasure.”

Sure, this was all new, and all types of scary. But, as he sat here, shoulder to shoulder with Sylvie, looking out to the dreary yet oddly beautiful landscape scattered with remnants from pruned timelines, he can't help but feel that this moment right here? It was… nice. Despite the TVA, despite Alioth, despite the fear of imminent death he’s had to live through nearly every moment since the Tesseract flung him into that desert in Mongolia, he had managed to find himself some semblance of peace.

And it was because of the person next to him.

“How do I know that, in the final moments, you won't betray me?”

Now, this was a conversation he had been expecting. How can he not? It seemed that nearly every single person he’s ever come across, who he hasn’t immediately tried to murder, wonders the exact same thing. The ‘inevitable’ betrayal every Loki seems incapable not to carry out.

And he couldn’t blame them, just as he can’t blame Sylvie for wondering the same thing. Really, he had thought the whole reason she had wanted this moment to talk to him was to have this very conversation. It was… it was something he had thought about himself, ever since being dragged in by the TVA. It was Mobius that had shown him his consistent deceitful nature - quite literally, by showing him film of every moment in his life where his flair for dramatics and affiliation for backstabbing was apparently used for ‘the bettering of others’.

It had become deeply ingrained into his nature. It became what he was known for, what his family knew him for. He supposed it gave him some sense of… satisfaction, perhaps? A false sense of security, that he always has the upper hand when need be. It was almost like a trial, opportunities to prove to himself that, when the time comes, he can do what it takes to claim what he, false-fully, felt he was owed. He was certain that the only path to being a rightful ruler was one filled with betrayal.

And now, after only a few days with Mobius - and an even shorter amount of days with Sylvie, his previous ambition he’s been working towards for so long suddenly wasn’t as important. Things had changed.

He had changed.

And that was part of the reason the TVA wanted him dead.

“Listen, Sylvie, I…” Loki starts, but then stops. He sighs deeply, wanting to find the best way to get this across to her. He needed her to understand. “I betrayed everyone who ever loved me. I betrayed my father, my brother… my home.”

He at least had her full attention now. No more awkward glances at one another, unable to maintain more than a few seconds of eye contact. This was important, and they both knew it. “I know what I did. And I know why I did it. And that’s not who I am anymore. Okay?”

There’s nothing on her face that he can read, nothing that says whether she believes him or not. She had been expecting him to say this, he supposed. “I won't let you down,” Loki says, and he says it like a promise - one he fully intends to keep.

“You sure?” Sylvie asks, and he nods his head straight away in response. “ ‘Cause if we make it, and the TVA is gone, there might be a timeline for you to rule.” Sylvie continues with a challenging - yet slightly teasing- narrowing of her eyes.

“Ah,” Loki says wistfully, looking out to the horizon as if dreaming of such an event. “And then I’d finally be happy.”

Except, he wouldn’t. He only has to look at his older self to know that. The only one of himself that had beaten the one event that’s supposed to define their lives. He had tricked the mad titan himself, found himself a little corner of the universe to live out his life in peace. No more people he has to challenge, no more opportunities for betrayal - by him, or to him.

And he looked… miserable.

Now, though? Right here and now, he wasn’t miserable. He certainly wasn’t relaxed, that was for sure, but far from miserable. He had ended his little exclamation with a rare smile that wasn’t a smirk - or forced- and miraculously, Sylvie returned one just as wide as his; wide enough even for him to see the little laughter lines crinkling at the corner of her eyes.

“What about you?” Loki asks. “What will you do when this is all over?”

Sylvie takes a moment to think, tucking an unruly strand of hair away from her face. “I don’t know.”

He couldn’t even begin to try and put himself in her shoes. Sylvie had spent… hundreds, perhaps even a thousand years of her life just running. Surviving. Doing whatever it takes to make sure she wasn’t wiped off the board by some mystery figure, or group, that had deemed her too dangerous to the timeline. And for what? Some kind of sick desire to have control over every single living thing in every type of Universe to ever exist?

Which… which sounded an awful lot like himself, now he thought about it. Maybe whoever was in charge of the TVA was another variant of himself…

“I don’t know either,” Loki said, and that added to the tally of growing truths he was admitting to people - perhaps the most in his life.

At some point, this all had to be over. Whether… whether it ends in his death once again, another defeat by a power-hungry being, or with their victory. No more TVA. No more pruning of variants. No more control. Sure, Sylvie had made that joke about him ruling a separate timeline, but… what would he do once this was all over, assuming her survives it? What did he want to do?

What does he want?

‘Look at your eyes! You like her!’

‘What?’

‘You like her! Does she like you?’

‘Was she pruned-’

‘No wonder you have no clue what caused the Nexus Event on Lamentis; both of you are swooning over each other!’

‘Tell me the truth-’

‘It’s the apocalypse! Two Variants of the same being, especially you, forming this sick, twisted romantic relationship - that’s pure chaos! That could break reality, it’s breaking my reality right now! What an incredible, seismic narcissist - you fell for yourself!’

‘Her name was Sylvie’.

Mobius had truly tricked him there. At least now he knew how cruel it was to be on the other side of such a bluff, he supposed. He had always prided himself on his acting abilities, his innate way of lying to others. Yet, apparently, when it came to Sylvie… he puts his full emotions on display. He had become too overcome with emotions at the mere thought of Mobius telling the truth, that Sylvie was well and truly gone, and he had snapped. He was…

Yes… That was the word.

He was heartbroken.

‘You conniving, craven, pathetic worm. I hope you know you deserve to be alone and you always will be.’

‘Do you really think you deserve to be alone?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Well then you better figure it out quick, because the Nexus Event the two of you caused, whatever that connection is, can bring this whole place down.’

Maybe, just maybe… Mobius was onto something there. Maybe Sif, even in that small, once insignificant memory buried in his mind, was wrong.

Maybe he didn’t deserve to be alone.

Maybe he didn’t have to be.

“Maybe…” The words get caught in his throat, spoken softer than he intended to. He involuntary finds himself leaning closer to Sylvie, to the warmth radiating from her, trapped within the blanket wrapped around them. “Maybe we could figure it out... together.”

He wanted Sylvie in his life.

He understood now.

He almost misses the slightest of reactions as Sylvie looks up to him - and what he knows is an earnest, vulnerable glaze in his eyes. It’s the smallest of things, almost impossible to see, but there’s a slight pull to the corner of her lips as she looks to him. Almost as if she was fighting back a smile at his proposition.

“Maybe,” She whispers back to him, just as quiet and tender as his own words. It’s not a yes, not in the way his frantically racing heart was hoping to hear, but it was a start. It was Sylvie’s own returning of a proposition, her own olive branch. The possibility he had given that she was extending right back to him.

Maybe.

Yes… Maybe they’d survive this. Maybe he and Sylvie would bring down the tyrant who oversees ‘the sacred timeline’. Maybe he’ll find Mobius again, alive and well, having turned the entirety of the TVA’s workforce against the organization they devoted their lives to, and burn it to the ground.

Maybe Sylvie will let him stay by her side.

Maybe, he’ll carve that new path in his life - with Sylvie’s intertwined with his.

Maybe he’ll find that new Glorious Purpose.

Maybe he won’t be alone.

Maybe he’ll be happy.

Maybe…

You know what? He was starting to like that word.

#sylki #pro sylki #sylki fanfic #sylki fanfiction #loki/sylvie

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defdaily · 4 years

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‪[TRANSLATION] Nylon Korea Magazine June 2020 issue: JB's defined taste.

Translated by defdaily.

just JB

From GOT7’s leader to main vocal and even lead dancer… in other words, he is a multiplayer, and an all-rounder. We were in the midst of preparing the interview, and the editor who was researching JB could already come to know that all that was true even before meeting him. JB, who we meet on stage and on his own personal Soundcloud channel, really does well in everything. We were getting more and more curious about him before having met him. On the day of the cover shooting, we proceeded with the photoshoot first then had the interview after. Watching JB who was in the middle of his shoot, I could see that there are even more things that he is good at. While we talked about the concept and mood for the day, he faintly smiled and answered that he understood. And when he entered the shoot, we heard his answer even more clearly. He wiped the smile that he just had off his face and immediately showed through his actions that he understood what we talked about. In life, opportunities and good fortune are like a random game play but after seeing him we realised that it all came to find him. JB seemed as if he already knew that yet he was never impatient. I hope JB’s intelligent and sexy energy is relayed to Nylonias too.

“I’m doing music now, but be it vocals or dance, I’m not drawn to a particular side. They’re both similarly balanced, but the way I think about them is a little different. Singing is something I definitely want to do well, as for dancing, I want to have fun doing it. It’s good to be a good dancer. It would be really nice to be good at dancing, but since my aim for dancing is to enjoy it, rather than thinking ‘How can I dance better?’ ‘How can I dance more coolly?’, it’s more important that I enjoy myself and receive good energy while dancing.”

http://nylonmedia.co.kr/jb/#

Due to COVID-19, everyone’s daily lives have changed. How has JB’s life changed?

My time at home has expectedly increased. I play with the cats and sometimes go out for a walk. When I go out, I either go to my studio or even when meeting with friends, we try to choose places that are not crowded. It’s a period of time when we should all be careful so I think that we should do whatever we can.

Were you originally someone who spent a lot of time at home. There is a term “homebody” that reflects those tendencies.

There was a time when I stayed home and didn’t do anything for a few months, but I really felt stressed then. I realised then that being home alone too much isn’t good for you. But of course going out everyday is also tiring physically (laughs). That balance is important and when you’re at home, rather than lying down, collapsing and watching TV, it’s better to watch a film that you can relate to or read a book. I do those kinds of things at home.

When you were younger, you said all you did was dance. It could be a cliche question but what is dance to you? Isn’t the one thing that has been with JB or a long time.

The answer could be obvious but to me dance is something that feels like life and livelihood. Since young, rather than practising choreography that has already been set, it became a habit that I could dance freestyle to music that is being played. I don’t know, to me choreography is choreography and dance is dance, to me there is this distinction.

What standards do you think stand at the forefront of dance?

To me, I also consider nodding your head to music that is playing as dance. I think that’s my reply because I feel that dance is an expression of your current feelings. In the past, something like that happened. When I was walking the streets and suddenly heard a song that I know despite it not being me who played it. Then I would suddenly start dancing. It happened when I was young, but now that I’m thinking about it, it’s a bit embarrassing (laughs)

It seemed like you were enjoying the rhythms of the songs that were being played on set today too.

Music that is my taste played so I was having fun while listening.

To many people, music is a hobby. But for JB that has turned into a career, has there not been times when it has been stressful?

While making music, the times when I can’t seem to create anything are the times (when it is most stressful) or when I had a certain thought or intention while making the song but it is interpreted differently. At those times I think, “Ah that’s not really it?”. Rather than stress, it’s a bit closer to regret. When songs are not coming to mind, I often think, “Why can’t I think of anything?”, “Do I really not have any talent?” too. But you’re making something out of nothing so it can’t be helped that you collapse at times during the process. I also look back at myself. The stress I had at that time couldn’t be helped. I should put up with it.

What do you think about while working on your music these days?

Being unlike myself? That’s the part I pay attention to the most. If a song turns out to be unlike me but not over-exaggeratedly, I think ‘oh that’s pretty good’ and can accept it. I try to avoid songs that are too like myself since it can be predictable.

I thought you would be the opposite and make music like yourself instead.

Because it feels like I’m locked up, so I don’t like that.

Do you think you have shown enough of songs that are like yourself?

That is not the case either. As JB, I’m the type to make songs like myself when making music for GOT7. Rather than myself, it has to be more like GOT7’s colour, so I think about that a lot. It’s not that I don’t like music that is like myself.

You seem to be the type that makes plans to clear things out and get them done.

I also have a spontaneous side. But I generally am the type to make plans. If I set my mind and think, “Let’s do this” then in the end I will end up getting it done.

Many people like JB as a singer. You may not have started with singing from the beginning, but you are now the main vocalist of GOT7 and worthy (of the position). What comes to mind when you look back at yourself as a vocalist.

I like my tone but I also don’t like it. Actually, I do think my tone matches well with bright moods or intense music but personally I think it has lacking points. I think it‘s too strong and bright, so I work hard to balance that out.

Is there another artist's tone that you think is good these days?

I often listen to Crush’s music, and I envy his soft tone.

When I see JB's collaborations with various artists, it‘s interesting how a new tone comes out each time.

That’s because I tailor it to whatever is needed each time. Sometimes it's fascinating to me too, that I express things differently depending on who I work with and how I came to meet them. I think vocal tone can be seen as an instrument that makes the music.

Fair skin and cold eyes, sharp nose and jawline, large build, twin moles. As they say, the image of a simple country boy and a cold city man seem to coexist. What is something people around you tell you is really cool about you?

People around me would never say that. Honestly, friends don't really talk about what's cool about each other right? We just curse and get cursed. (Laughs) Well, I know what I think (is cool) about myself.

We’re curious about that too.

Sexiness. Actually it’s more so the thought that I should certainly move forward possessing sexiness.

Is this something you’ve decided that represents you?

If we have to say that, then let's go with cute sexy.

Aren't you being too ambitious?

It’s just my own thoughts. (Laughs) In the past, I would have replied with ‘being free’. I thought that being myself without hesitation was a strength. But these days, it's more of a point that I have to fix rather than a strength. In reality I'm a very free-spirited person, but I don't think that is the right personality for celebrities or public figures.

Did something happen that might have made you feel that way?

I like being honest. But even I think I have a personality that can be misunderstood easily. Like peers my age, I sometimes talk without a filter when I'm excited. But I've been thinking, "Don't we need to manage our image?" Not a lot though. (Laugh)

You seem to be free-spirited, but with rules and such, you seem to be disciplined and have firm standards.

I always upkeep my own line/standard. I’m not always on the clouds. It's the same for myself and also my friends around me, even for the members, if they cross the line, I am the type to calmly tell them “don’t you think maybe you shouldn’t say/do that?”.

You seem to be the type to say “that’s not it” right away when something is wrong.

Well, I think if I wait to say something, they might feel worse about it. So I’m the type to just say it right there and then that we should be more careful.

I’ve seen an interview in the part where the GOT7 members did not hesitate to say “JB is our leader. There is no other candidate.” But to be honest, being a leader, you can’t not have many burdens and responsibilities.

(Laugh) In the past that was the case so I used to get a lot of stress, but nowadays it’s not the case. Now everyone takes care of themselves and they’re all reliable. At some point, I started thinking that continuously saying "Let's do this" and "Let's do that" is starting to sound nagging. I don’t want that so unless it’s something that needs to be stopped, I don’t say much. Once I was really out of it so I asked Jinyoung to take care of team matters, he did really well so I’ve been leaning on Jinyoung a lot since then.

It feels like a president and vice president.

Nowadays I’m the vice president. (Laugh). I reinforce what Jinyoung says, I don’t interrupt and pretend to act like the head of the group.

Since GOT7 is a team of multi-national members, it would not have been easy to agree on things because of language and cultural differences.

The members are all very good at Korean, so there have never been any times when problems arose due to language issues. When we talk about our opinions, we ask, 'Okay so how do you want to go about this?' And then we go with the majority. This method is the most simple and fair.

Outside of your role as JB in GOT7, is Jaebeom the type to lead in friendships?

Not at all. In a friendship group, there’s always that one person who’s so quiet you don’t know if he’s there or not, right? That’s me. (Laughs) If you call for me, I’ll go out and have fun. But I’m not the type to go “ya~~~” to lead and start up the mood. (My character) is a character that disappears quietly after having fun together.

The latest mini album received a great response. It ranked No. 1 on iTunes music charts in more than 50 countries around the world. Domestic music charts and record sales were also overwhelming..

Out of ambition, I did hope it would be better. It is important for my name and the team’s name to be more known, however I hoped our music would reach more people.

Looking at GOT7 onstage, everyone thinks you are a group that stands out with your performance.

We can be proud of that. It’s the thing we pay most attention to since we’re in GOT7. Now we also have some years of experience, so I think our skills should live up to that too. I thought that it’s a time when the team shouldn’t simply be releasing albums. I think we have to work hard so people go “ah great” when watching our performances.

Previously when we were doing the shoot, there was a cut that was a little revealing. Do you work out? There was a time when you were chosen as GOT7’s rep for having a “good body”.

These days I’m intending to start exercising again. And I usually don’t take things such as nutritional supplements, but I’ve come to think they’re important so recently, I stopped by a pharmacy to buy a variety of vitamins and probiotics etc and I eat them every morning.

Was there something that prompted that or did it just come to mind?

I’ve had a lot of interest in fashion, but I don’t really pay a lot of attention to my looks. I’ve come to realise recently that how you look is also part of fashion so I ‪want to take better care of myself. (Laughs) My body is the type to get big easily when I exercise so instead I tried to just lose weight by not eating. But I felt that my condition was starting to get out of control too so I told myself, “Ok, let’s combine (what we’ve done previously) with exercise as well and create a healthy body!”

How long have you been taking nutritional supplements for?

It’s barely been a week. (Laughs) I’m not sure if it’s because of my mood, but I already feel like I'm getting healthier. I woke up at 9 this morning. But I didn’t feel tired or anything, I felt so refreshed so I’m starting to believe more and more in the magic of nutritional supplements.

When we were talking about charms; you mentioned the term sexiness. What does JB think sexiness is?

How do I say this. Rather than forcibly thinking ‘I’m fatal’, true sexiness comes out in a natural situation or moment. Also when someone is working hard on what they do. I am also working hard on my job, and I especially pay attention to the atmosphere created by lyrics or songs. I think that sexiness comes to be when you naturally get caught in that kind of place.

Then what do you think being cool is?

When someone acknowledges their own weakness (problem) and knows how to take that in. Even if they can't fix it straightaway, they think about it once more, and are able to say 'I'm sorry’ or even discuss the issue more. That's what I think 'being cool' is.

Honestly when someone hears words that aren’t very kind, even though in your head you know what you should do, sometimes it’s hard to control facial expressions.

On the contrary, when hearing such things, if it was me I’d say ‘I fully understand what you mean. But to be honest, it doesn’t feel good.” After acknowledging what I did wrong, I am the type to honestly express how I feel at that moment. Then I ask for some time if I need it or find the cause (of why I feel this way).

You seem to be someone that hates ambiguity.

But there are times when I act ambiguous too. Despite hating things like that. (Laughs) Sometimes I think ‘Am I this hypocritical?’ And have a hard time because of it, but again I guess everyone is like that in a way.

Translated by defdaily.

#jb #got7 #jaebeom

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rdrhoe · 3 years

Text

daddy dutch x fem reader here we goo

my first ever fanfic for the red dead community i wrote this as complete self indulgent pwp whilst vv high

warnings: hella daddy dutch, spanking, dom/sub, angsty ish maybe

part 1 of 2 (2 is here)

& on ao3

Dutch is pissed that you stormed off after an argument. now you gotta face the consequences >:)

🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙

You drew in a shaky breath as you made your way through the night, finally heading towards the swamps where Shady Belle lurked. Having spent the last couple of nights busying yourself on the streets and surrounding area of Saint Denis, you missed your bed and the gang, but most of all you missed Dutch. You were scared. Scared to go home, back to camp.

You'd had a disagreement with Dutch and decided there and then the best course of action was to simply leave. In part because you'd had enough of his shit, but also because you had an almost violent need to prove to yourself that you still could survive alone. You didn't need him, not like that. But your heart and soul needed him. He unlocked feelings within you that you had never known, only dreaming of, but god he did grate on you sometimes.

He had insisted you start staying behind on more jobs and it just irked you. Being inconspicuous and nimble was how you found yourself in the gang in the first place, sneaking through windows into people's homestead in the dead of night, quietly robbing them of everything and anything valuable they possessed.

That had sort of become your role in the gang. When Dutch and the boys would go out on a job, you would either join them in whatever scam or con they were cooking up - no one ever suspected you of a thing, you were too polite and innocent with folk to be a no good thief - or would scope out nearby towns and homesteads, sometimes alone, sometimes with Dutch, sometimes with a few of the others, but you were always free to do what you wanted; within Dutchs limitations of course.

But lately, things hadn't always been going to plan. You thought Dutch hadn't been acting quite himself, and you made sure to tell him as much. Ever since Blackwater, and that nasty business in Rhodes, you'd just lost all hope. You weren't seeing life through rose tinted glasses anymore. But you loved Dutch, loved the gang... most of them anyway. As you grew closer to camp, your mind was racing with your last conversation with Dutch.

"Can't you understand, sweet girl? I'm just trying to protect you, keep you safe-" Dutch had told you when you when you confronted him on being left behind for the hundredth time. You'd been repeating yourself a lot lately, as had he with his responses. There was always an amused glint in his eyes, a hint of a smirk daring to poke through on his lips. He found your 'tantrums' adorable and often told you as much.

"Oh don't give me that shit Dutch" you snapped at him "this isn't about keeping me safe, you know damn well I can protect myself! You just adore the idea of having your own personal whore...always waiting around for you an keeping your bed warm!"

You cringed at how you sounded, you knew you were coming off as shrill and your voice died you when you saw Dutch stand from his chair near the fire. The amusement that played on his face before was now replaced with one of annoyance.

"Watch your mouth, girl. I understand you're... upset," he grabbed your hair as he stalked closer to you, twisting it so you gasped as he forced your neck up to look at him. "Don't you dare be forgetting your place now, sweet thing"

"my place!? My place?? so I am just a whore to you-"

"Sweetheart, you know that's not true, but I'm growing increasingly tired of your attitude," he spoke harshly into your ear, before easing his grip on your hair, his voice becoming softer "I've lost too many already, I can't lose you too"

You stiffened as tears threatened to spring to yours eyes.

"I... that's not fair Dutch, if you had just listened-" you tried

"No. Enough. The answer is final. You're to stay here unless I say otherwise. There's nothing more to be said. This is for your own good, girl. I know what's best for you" he let go of your hair completely to tilt your chin up, looking at you with a fierce intensity. You knew, looking into his eyes then, you loved him, so very very much, and you knew he loved you too. But god you were angry. You had survived alone for years without his help, and when you tried to voice that to him, he had already turned away, muttering about wanting to finish off a chapter of his latest read, when something in you just snapped.

"Fuck you, Dutch" you turned and stormed off not awaiting his response. You heard him call your name as you had stomped off. Others had questioned you, asked what was wrong, where you were going...

You climbed onto your horse, ignoring the shouts and questions, and rode out into the night.

That had been two nights ago now, and you regretted your actions. You knew Dutch was trying to keep you safe, you could see that, and if you were being honest with yourself, you didn't mind not having to go out on jobs as much. The thrill you used to feel from robbing bad folk had been replaced by a constant gnawing anxiety that something would go wrong, because more often or not, something usually did go wrong. But rather, it was the way Dutch would talk to you. Belittle you. Insisting it was him and only him that knew what was best for you. If he just listened to you once in a while, actually take your advice on a job, things could go differently, but he was stubborn. You were too, and that was often how you found yourself in disagreements with him. But he'd been worse lately; ignoring your thoughts and feelings on everything, and you just couldn't take it anymore.

You tried to steady yourself as Shady Belle appeared in your eye line. You were doing your best not to think too hard about what Dutch was going to do to you, it was the principle of the thing! But the confidence you had tried to instil in yourself soon vanished once you saw Dutch's' silhouette atop of the balcony. His cigar smoke circling around, clouding his face. Not that you could see him clearly anyway, it was too dark.

You took several deep breaths as you climbed down off your horse. Most of the camp were asleep, but a few were sat talking quietly by the campfire. Their voices cut off as they saw you, rushing over to check on you. You hurriedly reassured them, you were fine, you had just needed space, time to think.

And that's what you done. You knew you had messed up, and honestly right now more than anything you just wanted to feel Dutchs arms around you, telling you what a good girl you were. You craved his praise and affection, but ferociously loved the darker side of him too. One that would come out when you disobeyed or angered him. He had punished you countless times since the start of your relationship, often because you had purposely pushed his buttons too hard, knowing the sort of response you'd get from him. You craved the feeling of being at his complete and utter mercy. Just as Dutch craved having you beneath him, begging for him. He didn't mind your bratty attitude most of the time, using it as a decent excuse to do all the wicked things he had always desired. But this wasn't just pushing his buttons, you knew he would view it as you putting yourself in danger, running off had been the last thing you would usually do, but you were so sick of trying to talk to him when he just never listens.

After assuring the awake gang members of your safety, you found your way into the old Manor house, eerily beautiful at times, even with it being lost past its glory. Slowly heading up the stairs toward your shared room with Dutch. You hesitated as you approached the door, before reaching up to knock. The second your knuckles graced the wood, the door flung open and you found yourself being hauled into the room by Dutch, slamming the door closed and pushing your back up against it, caging his arms against either side of your head. Eyes dark and burning, staring down at you.

"Where have you been, dear girl?" his voice gave you chills, he wasn't yelling, not yet. But there was a tone of malice, a sneer at your audacity. "I've been worried, I sent Arthur and Charles out looking for you, but seems you were too quick even for them. Clever girl" Dutch spoke slowly, and quietly.

You though it best not to mention you had indeed seen the both of them looking for you, but dashed off without a trace before anyone knew otherwise.

His eyes studied your face carefully. You couldn't match his gaze, choosing to stare at the floor. Dutch lifted your chin, encouraging you to look at him.

"Are you hurt, darling?" he asked softly.

You shook your head slowly, trying to keep your breathing steady.

He hummed. His grip on your chin becoming firmer.

"Well then sweet thing, I'm going to need you to explain to me.." Dutchs hand travelled from your chin down to your neck as he spoke, gripping it just hard enough you could feel his rings digging into your flesh, but not so hard that your breathing was fully cut off, "as to why you think running off on your own like that was an okay thing to do, hm?" the hand around your throat became impossibly tight, just for a moment, before easing off again, giving you a moment to respond.

"I... I..." you tried to steady yourself, trying to find the right words to say. ".. I'm sorry, Dutch...really I just, got sick of being spoken to like a damn child and-" Dutchs grip became like iron then, cutting off your planned excuse. A whimper caught in your throat as your hands flew to up grip his wrist, eyes widening. He gave you a dark glare before crashing his lips to yours. It wasn't soft and tender, it was hard and biting. Making sure you understood your place.

"So, my girl," Dutch began as he withdrew the kiss, relaxing his tight grip on your throat, "if I'm to understand you correctly, in response to being supposedly treated like a child, you decided to act none other than a child, a spoilt little brat who's not getting her way?"

Dutch was beginning to sound angrier by the second. You were trying to focus on his words, how much trouble you were in, but you couldn't ignore the tingling between your legs, you could feel yourself getting wetter the deeper his voice became. You were squirming already, trying to maintain a decorum of composure, opening your mouth to respond, he cut you off before you could get the words out.

"Oh sweet thing, you really do test my patience like no other," Dutch spoke, holding you close for a moment, before pushing you into the middle of the room.

"Strip." the order was barked out faster than you could blink. You stood there for a moment too long for Dutch, who practically started growling at you.

"you listening, girl? Strip, now"

You reached around shakily to start unlacing your dress and bodice, whilst Dutch slowly began making his way across the room, bringing a fresh cigar to his mouth to light it.

You were down to your chemise and bloomers, staring up at Dutch, aware of the way he was scowling at you. You weren't trying to annoy him, you were just in awe of him. He always looked so handsome, especially like this. Moonlight beaming in through the windows, giving his glare just enough light to look all the more menacing, yet still somehow so enticing.

You quickly stripped yourself of your remaining garments when he quirked a brow at you, fighting against the urge to cover yourself under Dutchs heavy gaze. He'd seen you naked plenty of times before of course, but the way he was staring at you was making you squirm.

Dutchs eyes raked over your nude form, taking in your beauty for his enjoyment. All the whilst continue to slowly circle around you, enjoying his cigar. Bastard.

"You do understand how much trouble you're in right now, girl?" Dutch said from behind you, his steady pace coming to a stop.

You shivered as he approached, with him being so close you could practically feel the anger radiating off of him.

"I was sick with worry, thinking the worst...and all because my little princess decided to be a brat. Were you trying to scare your Daddy, sweetheart?" Dutch sounded so menacing then, causing you to shiver with anticipation.

"N-no, Dutch-" you were interrupted when you felt a sharp smack on your backside, making you to squeal.

"What was that, girl?" Dutch snarled at you.

"Daddy!" you tried again, "I'm sorry daddy... I didn't mean to..." you started shaking, understanding how worried Dutch really had been.

Dutch hummed behind you, walking around slowly til he was standing in front of you. You stared at the floorboards, fiddling with your fingers. You heard him sigh and walk away, and glanced up to see him disgarding his cigar in the ash tray and sitting on the bed.

"Come on, girl. You know what happens now" Dutch reached a hand out to you, which you took after a moments hesitation, but knew from expierence attempting to get out of a planned punishment usually didn't end too well for you.

Dutch took your hand gently, before hauling you over his knee, considerably less gentle. He only took a brief moment to palm and kneed at your backside before he brought his hand down. Hard. Right on the lower cheek, causing you to gasp out.

"Not going to be able to sit for a week after I'm through with you, brat" Dutch spoke as his hand came down again and again on your ass. You tried not to kick your legs or reach back, it would only egg Dutch on to spank harder. "Maybe I need to start spanking you daily, girl. Make sure you know your place. That you're mine, and you do as I say"

The spanks were quickly became harder and faster, going from cheek to cheek, never giving you a moment to rest, and making sure every inch of your poor butt was on fire.

You were squirming now, and didn't even realise before it was too late that you were reaching a hand back, only to have Dutchs' large hand grip your own, forcing it down to the small of your back. He positioned himself so he could haul you further over his knee, you were able to touch the floor with your free hand, but your feet were now dangling precariously off the other end, unable to touch the floor. You whimpered again.

"Naughty girl," Dutch chided, resuming his former sadistic pace of spanking, "You should know better than that by now, hm?"

"S-sorry Daddy! I... ow... M'sorry, I really really am.." you were really feeling it now, the stinging burn of his hand. Tears were now forming in your eyes. You knew this is what you wanted, no, needed... But it hurt so much, and you were starting to feel more sorry for yourself by the second, and yet, despite this, you still couldn't ignore the wetness that had become visible down your thighs. You knew Dutch could see it too, especially when he would ghost his hand ever so slightly above your glistening folds, growling and giving your pussy a sharp slap if you tried to push your thighs together.

"Quit squriming, brat. Or does Daddy need to teach you a lesson with his belt?" Dutchs sudden threat made you still, letting out a small whine of defeat. You most certainly did not want to expierence the belt tonight, he'd only used it on you a few times before, but the memories of the welts on your backside was enough to plead for mercy.

"I'll be good! Daddy! Please, I'm sorry-I'll be good... I promise.." you sniffled at him, trying to put on your sweetest voice, the one you knew went right to his dick. You could feel his hardness beneath you, doing your best not to grind yourself all over him, a challenge that was proving to become increasingly difficult.

You heard Dutch grumble, taking a moment to run his large hand all over your burning butt, before bringing his hand down over your heat, he suddenly pushed two fingers into your soaking wet core causing you to gasp out and clench up.

"My girl... what ever am I going to do with you, hm? Such a filthy little thing..." Dutchs voice was considerably softer now, but you knew he was still angry. Pumping his fingers in and out of you for a few seconds more, before removing them. You let out a moan, only to have Dutchs fingers shoved in your mouth, encouraging you to clean yourself off of him. He removed them once he felt you'd done a sufficient enough job.

"Gonna have to keep you locked in a damn cage at this rate, girl" Dutchs stern voice made you quiver. And it would be a lie to say the idea of being Dutchs personal play thing, kept locked away in a cage for his desire only, didn't arouse you.

You only had a brief moment more to fantasise on this idea however, before Dutch suddenly started spanking you again. Somehow, impossibly harder than before. You shrieked then, begging him to forgive you, promising complete obedience.

Dutch laughed at that, loud and mocking.

"Empty promises, my sweet girl. How many times have you promised those pretty words before, hm? You really are shameless aren't you? Naughty, naughty little thing..."

The smacks continued to rain down, Dutch would spank all over until he found a spot that made you whail, bringing his down on the exact same spot over and over again, chuckling at your futile attempts to avoid his wrath.

You wanted nothing more in that moment for Dutch to pull you into this arms and call you his good girl, tell you proud he was of you and all that you had done. But this wasn't one of those times, you deserved the punishment and you were starting to resent yourself for having such a strange desire to defy him, even his most simplist of requests you often found yourself snarling back at him, just so you could hear that tone of voice he used on you when you were pushing your luck a little too far.

You were sobbing now, giving up any and all attempts to get out of your current situation. Letting yourself go limp and weak over Dutchs knee. You heard him hum above you, the spanks ever so slowly becoming softer and softer, until they'd all but stopped. Dutchs hand being nothing more than a soothing grace.

"Beautiful..." you heard him whisper above you, relaxing into the soothing feel of his hand, a welcome change from the pain inflicted only moments before.

You started to apologise again, only to have Dutch hush you.

"No you're not girl, not yet anyway..." Dutch sounded horribly wicked as he spoke, and your stomach dropped with the realisation that your punishment wasn't over.

#Dutch van der linde #Dutch x reader #Nsft #P kinky this my dudes #also on ao3 but my high ass is not looking for that link rn #Rdr2 fanfic #Dutch van der linde x reader #Fic

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giggles-and-freckles · 3 years

Note

“Just breathe, okay?” Or “nothing is wrong with you” for the angst prompts? ❤️

from this angst/fluff prompt list

“You’re quiet tonight,” said Padmé, shutting off the holo-pad and giving up on her efforts to study the upcoming hearing.

“I’m thinking,” said Anakin from his place at the edge of the bed. He sat rigid and straighter than was customary for the man who always claimed that her apartment was the only place he could truly relax.

“That’s new,” she said, offering him a teasing grin and a chance to get out of whatever slump he was in. He didn’t accept either. “Ani,” she frowned, crawling to the end of the bed and settling a light hand on his shoulder. “What’s going on?”

He shrugged her off and stood from the bed, crossing the room. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

“Well, that’s obviously a lie,” she said, albeit a bit sharply. “We promised we were going to start being more honest with each other.”

He ripped around. “Why does that only seem to come up when I’m the one keeping secrets?”

Where a normal person’s eyes would have widened in response, Padmé’s narrowed. She’d never been one to back down from a challenge, even if her husband occasionally chose to tow the line between petulant toddler and angsty teen. “Don’t make this about Clovis. We talked about that and you said you understood.”

“Well, I lied. It’s something people do when they’re frustrated, Padmé.”

“No. It’s something people do when they’re immature and unreasonably angry.”

“Oh, I’m the immature one? I seem to remember you–”

“It never had anything to do with him! It was the–”

“And when I walked in...to see my wife–”

“It wasn’t like that and you know it!”

Both of them were practically yelling to the walls at this point, neither sure what they were even arguing or hoping to achieve. It was so rarely about the actual issue at hand with Anakin, though. She knew this wasn’t actually about Rush. Like usual, it was him blowing off steam from whatever recent mission had gone wrong. And most of the time, Padmé was sympathetic; she could hold her tongue long enough to let him cool off and then talk him down.

But occasionally, when he was really having a bad day, she became the target. And that wasn’t something that she’d ever found comfortable in their marriage. It left her hurt and confused and him regretful and self-loathing.

Those pieces always took longer to pick up and they rarely had the time to adequately glue all the pieces together.

“Look,” she said, clamoring from the bed and marching toward him. “I’m sorry your mission to whatever planet in whatever system didn’t go perfectly.” She heard the bitter sarcasm leaking from her words and didn’t care. He asked for this fight. “But don’t try to project your problems onto me just because you’re choosing to be thick about the Clovis situation. And don’t you dare stand there and act like your life is the only one with–”

“She died.”

Padmé frowned, confused by her husband’s abrupt deflation in response. “What?”

He stared right through her. “I watched her die.”

Compassion and understanding replaced Padmé’s anger in an instant. There wasn’t room in her for both “Your mom,” she dropped her head and sighed. “I’m sorry, Ani. I didn’t know the dreams had started back–”

“No. Not Mom,” he shook his head. “Ahsoka.”

Padmé frowned, truly confused now. “What are you talking about?”

Surely she would have heard if Ahsoka had died. Jedi deaths were becoming increasingly less rare these days, but she would have heard. She should have heard. Obi-Wan would have told her or–

“On Mortis,” he murmured, looking lost. “He turned her to the Dark Side and killed her and I couldn’t do anything.”

“Ani,” she grabbed his hand and led him to the bed, turning fully to him as they sat. He didn’t seem to notice that they’d moved across the room, his eyes dull and clouded. “Anakin, what happened? Ahsoka…” she swallowed. “Ahsoka’s dead?”

He shook his head. “I brought her back.”

“You brought her–”

“The Daughter gave her life force so Ahsoka could live. I transferred it.”

He wasn’t making any sense, but now didn’t seem like the moment to point that out.

“So Ahsoka’s alive?”

“Yes.” Anakin nodded, before turning toward her with wide eyes, brimming with tears. “I watched her die.”

“I’m sorry, my love,” she said, lifting a hand to his cheek. He leaned into it with closed eyes, the first tear rolling down his face and into her hand.

“I couldn’t do anything,” he choked.

“It sounds like you did a great deal. You saved her, Ani.”

“The Dark Side...it took everything from her. She was–” he trembled and Padmé pulled him fully into her arms, frowning at how limply his head fell onto her shoulder. “I was so weak.”

“Anakin. You’re the strongest person I know.”

“Something’s wrong with me.” He didn’t stop shaking. “I just–her eyes, they were yellow. And then she–she died right in front of me and I just...watched. Something’s wrong with me.”

“Ani.” She pulled back, forcing him to look her in the eyes. “Nothing is wrong with you. Okay? Nothing.”

He just stared at her, dull and disbelieving.

“You saved her. Your Padawan is alive and your beating yourself up about something you already fixed isn’t what she wants.” She paused, still trying to understand the situation. “Anakin, I don’t know a single other person who could bring someone back from the dead. You’re incredible.”

“It’s not enough,” he whispered.

“It is,” she frowned. Why could her husband never see how gifted he was? How wonderful and brave and kind he was?

“I have to be more,” he said a bit of edge to his voice now. “I have to be more so it’ll never happen again. I need to train harder and–”

“Ahsoka’s fine, love. You’re exactly enough and just the teacher she needs.”

“Not just Ahsoka,” he mumbled. “Obi-Wan, you–”

“Ani.” Her eyebrows dropped as she watched his face set in determination. She’d seen him like this before, of course. But she always hated what came next–

“I have to go.”

She’d gotten far too accustomed to watching her husband walk away.

#my fic #angst prompts #this was 300 words with a happy ending one second and then 1k+ with hurt the next #I dont know how that happens #also I've never written anidala so this felt WEIRD #anakin skywalker #padme amidala #ahsoka tano #sw fanfic

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bedtimebrain · 3 years

Text

EXO D.O.:A little Jealous Part 2! (D.O. POV)

Previously I mentioned I might or might not do Ksoo’s but I started writing out of fun and decided to complete it! I really liked this one, hope you guys will like it too! You might wanna do a fast read at part 1 again so it wouldn’t seem too abrupt~

And for those that are new here, there’s a Part 1 and Part 2 (Your POV) to this scenario! The part 2s can be read as a either or if you don’t really wanna read both.

Part 1 Part 2 Your POV

Here it goes!

—————

Kyungsoo walked straight out of the door without thinking, letting his legs bring him to wherever was quiet. Heading for the elevator, he punched for the ground floor. Seeing an empty cafe as the elevator doors open, he sat down at an empty table trying to sort his thoughts.

The comments he saw kept running through his mind:

‘Cute!Ship ship!’

‘Last long! Was waiting for you guys to make it official!!

‘after so long, finally?!’

A part of Kyungsoo wants to believe in you, surely this was a misunderstanding.

Yet the comments he saw didn’t make sense to him. It made him afraid to give his trust, not wanting to feel like a fool if it turned out for the worst.

Kyungsoo can’t help but compare himself with that guy in the picture. The guy sure looks taller than him and better built . He even had those looks that guys would take a second look at..

Pulling out his phone, he thought to type a text to you, but not sure what to say. Typing then deleting it again and again. Just then, Suho’s call came in:

S: Kyungsoo-ya, the photographer’s wife got into an accident. He’s postponing the remaining shoot to rush to the hospital. We’re heading off , are you coming with us?

KS: uh okay. Hyung could you take my bag for me? I’ll meet you guys at the carpark.

—

In the van, everyone was tired after a long day and the van was quiet. But at the back, jongin and junmyeon sat beside Kyungsoo with some sort of tense silence.

‘Hyung, are you not going to ask Y/N about what happened?’ Jongin asked

‘Kyungsoo ya, jongin is right. You sitting here and overthinking isn’t going to solve the situation. Even though that guy is really handsome, you’re not goin to lose to him if y/n loves you. Text her or look for her’

Junmyeon’s words hit kyungsoo right where it hurts. Making a decision, he asked the manager to drop him off when the van passed by your living estate.

Kyungsoo walked nervously to your apartment, not really sure what he should exactly do when he sees you. Before he knew it, he was already right in front of your door. Taking a breath in, he pressed the door bell.

‘Minho ya!!’ Came your voice from behind the door.

Hearing his girlfriend call another guy’s name so frantically made him feel just a little strange.

Looking up at you as you opened the door, he saw your look of surprise, or was it shock(?)

‘Oppa, why are you here ? Did your photoshoot end early? You didn’t text me back tho...’

Though hearing your questions, he was not being able to hold back that feeling of discomfort bugging him to ask

‘Uh are you expecting someone? Minho?’

‘Oh right, speaking of which I dont need him now, let me drop him a text. Oppa come in and kill the bug for me please!!’ His eyes dropped to your hands that were pulling his arm, making him feel fuzzy in a moment, then downcast again. How long as it been since you guys last met? So long that he almost forgot this feeling of warmth only you could give him.

With thoughts clouding his mind, he killed the bug, dumping it away without even speaking to you. Not because he didn’t want to , but he doesn’t know how to. Just then, you gave him a hug suddenly ,

‘Thank you, for killing the bug’

Seeing that smile on your face reminded him just how lucky he was to have you and how much he hated these feelings of uncertainty and anxiousness right now.

Sitting down on the sofa together, you linked your arms with him, then suddenly breaking the silence.

‘Oppa, do you have something to tell me? You don’t look particularly excited or happy to be here today’

Kyungsoo felt his throat going dry, thinking, it’s scary how easily you knew him inside out even though he was so indecipherable to other people...

Setting his mind to stop avoiding the issue, he reached for the water on the table, almost hoping the water would clean up his thoughts for him.

‘I saw that picture. The one on instagram.’ Not exactly having the courage to look at you, he glanced over your eyes quickly and waited for your reply.

‘Ah that.. sorry oppa, it was a dare I had to do at the team dinner, I tried so hard to avoid it but I couldn’t say I was attached either.. ’

Choosing not to be convinced just yet, kyungsoo added quickly

‘But the string of comments sure made it sound like you guys are the most popular ship in your school?’

He saw a small frown on your face briefly and his heart was pumping so loudly in his ears. What if .....

‘Oppa that’s actually Minho in the picture. And you know we are just really close friends.’

At this Kyungsoo was a little taken aback. He did not expect that to be Minho. In your description, Minho was an over competitive loser and one that’s always up to dumb things. This absolutely gave Kyungsoo a false impression that he’s just another childish guy out there or some lanky guy in the track team.

He tried to convince himself to be understanding afterall he knew deep down you both were just friends. But who was he kidding, he suddenly really hated the idea of you and Minho hanging out together everyday, giving everyone the false impression that you both are a couple.

Not being able to contain that internal conflict, he blurted out without thinking ‘I don’t really like you hanging out with minho.’

Crap. Hearing his own voice saying it, he felt selfish and guilty, yet also raw and vulnerable because that’s how he truly felt.

‘Oppa, you were always okay with minho and i hanging out. Why does us taking a picture change that!?’ Seeing you suddenly getting up and raising your tone in exasperation, he knew he hit the trigger button.

But similarly, he was almost at his breaking point now. Not being able to keep his emotions under control anymore, he shot back

‘y/n do you know how i felt looking at those comments?! I am not okay with the whole school thinking you both are together when you’re supposed to be my girlfriend!’ and he too got up from the sofa in frustration.

‘Ya! Even if i am not friends with minho, I can’t always avoid such situations! Because i can’t tell anyone i’m attached, guys still hit on me and people think they can pair me up with random guys because they think i’m single!

To me, they can think whatever they want but minho is just a friend. Oppa, shouldn’t you of all people understand this the most?’

Understand ? Is this how idols who date non idols communicate with their partners when they face scandals and what not? Who would have thought the situation would be reversed this way for himself ?

‘You’re asking me to understand when minho actually looks your ideal type? And i never knew about it?’

The words left his lips, seeming to surprise both you and him. He tried so hard to bury this insecurity inside him. But feeling all hurt and angry with himself, with this situation, he couldn’t really hold it in to deal with it himself. When he first saw Minho’s picture, even he had to admit minho was good looking. And now knowing someone like him was your close friend, he struggled to handle this truth.

‘My ideal type? If we wanted to get together, we would have long ago ok! Why would I get together with you then him?!’

At this it rendered him speechless. That ‘assurance’ was not assurance at all as you both reach the peak of your argument and let silence rule the house. Scenarios of you and Minho hanging out together, having fun kept passing through his mind. How Minho was far better looking than him, far more fun than him, maybe even far more compatible with you than him were thoughts that rudely barge through his mind.

Feeling like this was more than what he could bear at the moment, he was about to walk away, but right there and then your hands wrapped around his waist, in between his arms, and leaning unto his chest. Though you did not say a thing, he understood your gesture of love. Overwhelmed with emotions, he muttered

‘When I saw that picture, it felt like my nightmare came true. Every night i get worried that you would one day get tired of dating an idol.. Or even dating someone like me..

we don’t spend alot of time together but you always get to be with minho.. so much that people think you’re both attached..’

He knew this sounded weak and clingy , someone he doesn’t ever want to be in front of you. But your hug gave him courage to be honest, knowing that sometimes he doesn’t have to pretend like he can hold everything together when he really couldn’t. Through your hug, he knew that some of these insecurities were unfounded because he felt loved right at that moment. Yet the battle with his inner demons has not ended.

You pulled kyungsoo back down on the sofa and started

‘oppa, i cannot promise you people will stop misunderstanding minho and i, but i will be more careful to draw a clearer line in our friendship for you.

and i never thought of minho as my ideal type or saw him in a way more than friends. i know it might not put you at ease hearing me say this, but can you trust me?

I have been friends with minho for many years and have met many guys too. But it’s you for me ok?’

Looking into your eyes, he quietly let the words you say sink in and thought inside ‘it’s you for me too, don’t leave’

Poking him at his stomach, you continued

‘though you may not be the most attractive looking man out there…’

He knew you were joking, but he can’t help feeling a little down at your words, until you gave him a peck on the cheek and continued

‘but you make me feel comfortable and special all at the same time. saranghae oppa, you’re the only one.’

At your words, he couldn’t hold back his urge to pull you closer, resting his chin on your head he said

‘ Though i still don’t feel the best about our situation and about minho, but i know we can’t help this.. Just promise to stay with me please’

You raised your pinky finger and turned up to face him, replying brightly

‘ i promise you oppa!’

Linking your pinkies together, the storm inside kyungsoo finally cleared up today. Smiling back at you, he says the words he longs to say to you everyday till forever

‘na do saranghae’

#exo scenario #exo #exo kyungsoo #exo d.o.#do kyungsoo scenarios #do kyungsoo #exo do kyungsoo #kyungsoo scenario #kyungsoo scenarios #kyungsoo #d.o. scenario #d.o. fanfic #d.o. scenarios #kyungsoo jealous #exo fanfic #exo scenarios #exo jealous scenario #exo jealous

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feel199x · 4 years

Text

TO PROTECT OUR DISTRICT - CH. XV

SALT WATER WOUNDS & QUESTIONS GOD CAN’T ANSWER

I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X XI XII XIII XIV XV XVI

MASTERLIST

ceo!hwang hyunjin, mafia!au, mafia boss!hwang hyunjin

summary: take a shot of water every time you read kiss

warnings: nightmares, gun use, general mafia shenanigans

The air had grown humid. Your hair, still damp, stuck to your skin. The taste of sea salt burned your lungs, and sat deep on your tongue. The cement did not grow warm, or softer the longer you laid on it, staring at the sky. You were aware of how awkward and strange you must’ve looked, but you couldn’t make yourself care. The sky above was a sad, sagging shade of gray. What could be done? What could be said? You watched lightning tear the clouds in light, enveloping your vision, like you had swallowed it. Lightning always made you feel like anything was possible, another state of matter all on it’s own. Not solid, not liquid, not gas, not quite. You would forget to breathe, suddenly gasping for breath as the rain continued to drop.

You sat up, staring at the cracks in the cement, where sprouts sat. You toyed with the small leaves, bent due to the large drops of water. You wonder if the earth ever knew of indulgence, ever understood what too much was.

You stood finally, everything seeming to stick to you. Your clothes, your hair, impossibly clinging to you. Another flash of lightning swallowed you up. You looked at Yugyeom, who was looking at you.

You think you love him.

And you pray, you pray that you cannot love too much, as the earth never seems to overwater herself.

And wouldn’t you ruin it all by saying it out loud?

He looked so pretty- so, so pretty. You were beginning to see him in a different light, that much you were aware of. You looked at him, looking at you. There was no way in the world he felt as strongly for you as you did for him. But here he was. He had rescued you.

It didn’t make sense.

Maybe he was working for Sir Hwang.

A pang of paranoia hit you, sobered you almost, or drunked you. He was good to you. Yugyeom wouldn’t- no he couldn’t hurt you. He would never, right?

Right?

He kept looking intently at you. His gaze soft, and kind. He would never. He could never. Yugyeom was different. And sure, you don’t know that many boys, haven’t had that many relationships with boys, but he’s different. You feel it.

“Yugyeom,” your voice trailed off, “Would you-,” your voice cracked like glass, “would you turn me into him?”

Yugyeom looked like he was going to burst into tears at the mere implication and suggestion. “God,” he cried, “god, no. No, _____. You mean so much to me- so, so much. I-,” he stopped himself, “you’re just so important. So important to me. You have no idea. I will meet you in every single lifetime. I will find you. We will find each other. You’ve changed my life. I will follow you to the ends of the earth.”

“I,” you couldn’t bring yourself to say it. You hadn’t known him for long. Could you say something like that, could you say it now? Better yet- would you? “Yugyeom. You will fill my heart for eons.”

Yugyeom stood, and embraced you again. Smelling like salt. Like water. Like lightning. Like everything you loved and ignored, every delicate part of yourself that you repress. He didn’t care that you just took a swim in the middle of the storm and smelled like raging waters, he kissed your temple, and your cheek, and trailed down your jaw and pulled you into a fiery kiss.

And then he let you sit in the warmth of his chest. And he felt like a comfort you hadn’t known in a really long time.

But was it long enough? Since Hyunjin?

You didn’t want to think about it.

You looked over. Shifting your weight on either foot, and then, you noticed something. A car. A dingy car, a worn and aging car. But there was something. The tinted windows, the grips on the wheels. How shiny and fresh the rims looked. Before you could think, your fist was through the window, on his hair and pulling his head out the window.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

Jisung gasped, wiping the dripping blood off his chin. You grabbed a fistful of his hair, and he shouted, “Shit, give me a chance to explain, okay?”

You let go, using the last of your self control to muster up some restraint. “Be my fucking guest.”

“Sir Hwang, he- shit,” he wiped his nose again, “god, you punch hard.”

“Get to the point Han, he what? Ordered you to watch me?”

“Yes, but, I’m on your side.”

You gave him a breathless laugh. “You honest to god expect me to believe that? Do you think that I’m that stupid? If you’ve told hat son of a bitch anything, fuck, Jisung, I swear I’ll kill you. And I won’t even think-.”

“I know that you tried to kill yourself. And that Yugyeom stopped you. But Sir Hwang, he doesn’t. I just told him you’ve been losing your mind over killing someone. Some of it’s true.”

The anger bubbled inside of you, the blood inside of your veins hot and burning. You started to breathe hard, your vision getting dizzy. It was too much. You didn’t want to talk about it. And you hated, you absolutely despised the idea that someone else, someone you didn’t choose, knew about what you were going through.

“______, listen,” Jisung’s voice softened, “you’ve been going through a hard time. This, this is my way of helping you.”

“What else do you know?”

“Nothing. I was assigned shortly after your assassination mission.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I know. But you’re gonna have to trust me, we’re family.”

Yugyeom had made his way to the behind of the car, hand on his hip, looking at you. You shook your head slightly, not moving your gaze from Jisung. You hadn’t even noticed him.

“You have all the reason to turn me in. Get a shiny golden star from Sir Hwang. Earn trust.”

“You’re right. But, you and I, ____, we’re different. I want a life outside of here. I don’t,” his voice cracked, “I don’t want to hurt people anymore.”

“I don’t want to see you ever again. This never happened, Jisung. Never.”

“Listen to me, ____, listen,” Jisung got up, and opened the car door, and instinctively your hands flew to your hip, and you watched Yugyeom point the gun at him, “I am on your side. I don’t know what I can do to prove it to you.”

“Just leave, Jisung. Leave. Forget about me, forget about this. Stop following me.”

“I can’t.”

“Because he won’t let you.”

Jisung gave you a bitter smile. “I know my limits.”

“Limits only exist if you give them to yourself.”

“That is exactly where we differ. But that’s why I need you.” Jisung sighed, sitting back in the driver’s seat, “But, I’ll do you one better. I’ll do anything you ask me to do,” he paused and gave you a pointed look, “within reason, of course.”

“I’ll think about it.” you paused, breathing in, “But for right now, I want you to leave. ”

The car drove off, and you watched. Yugyeom got up from his squatting position. He put his hand on your shoulder and rubbed the tension out. He turned to you, moving his hand to the nape of your neck, “Let’s get you warm, yeah?”

“Yeah, we have work to do.”

“Or,” Yugyeom dragged his r’s, “we could get some take out and watch a movie?”

You smiled at him, and put your hand on his chest. “You’re hot, but not that hot.”

Yugyeom scoffed, “Please, I’m temptation incarnate.”

You snorted. “You’re so stupid.

“Well, you kissed me, so what does that say about you?”

“Hm,” you sighed, “I guess we’re both pretty dumb.”

“Nah, you’re pretty dumb. I’m here with you. I tricked you somehow, and that’s my life’s work.”

You didn’t think twice- you’re not sure you even thought about it. Just watching him talk, staring at his lips, all you could do was lean in to kiss him. Yugyeom slid his hands to your waist, pulling you closer against him. He felt warm against you, stilling the slight tremble you had from the cold. He eased into the kiss, almost like he had initiated it. You backed up suddenly, feeling insecure.

“I’m sorry,” you blurted, “I’m sorry for that, for everything.”

Yugyeom didn’t move, but instead pressed his forehead against yours, wrapped his arms tighter around your waist. “Don’t. I like, I love, kissing you. Being around you. I’m glad we met, despite the circumstances.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck, and then buried your head in his chest. “I want to go home,” you murmured, “I want to leave, run, go away.”

He held tightly to you, putting his head on top of yours, “We could, but I don’t think that’s what you want, is it?”

You sighed, “I don’t know.”

The sky remained dark, the clouds and angry shade of gray. The downpour began to lessen, but drizzled here and there, increasing in intensity every once in a while. You and Yugyeom sat in the backseat of the car for a while, listening to the soft sound of the rain. Despite the small space, you laid on top of Yugyeom, resting your head on his shoulders as he hummed quietly.

There was a quiet conversation, about simple, little things. Childhood stories. Yugyeom told more stories about his friends.

“There was one time,” Yugyeom retold, “I wanted to see how many pizzas I could eat before I got sick. So, when I was closing one night, and everyone left, I ate as many as I could. I ate six full pizzas in one go. Took me three hours. I felt so sick. My dad found me the next day on the floor, clutching my stomach.”

“Did you throw up?”

“Yes. So much. You have no idea. I felt like pizza grease.”

“You terrify me, ‘gyeom. That’s absolutely beastly.”

“I am indeed a force to be reckoned with.”

You laughed, “You’re as soft as a marshmallow, ‘gyeom, don’t lie.”

He tilted your face up, holding your chin between his pointer finger and thumb, pressing soft kisses onto you, deepening exponentially.

“What if,” you murmured, “you went in and saw your dad? Would that…,” your voice trailed, “would it be selfish?”

You would give anything to see your parents again. And you hoped, in the most fantastical of fantasies, if they could give you one last hug, that they would.

“God,” Yugyeom’s voice cracked, “I would. But it’s too dangerous. And it would only put me in danger. It would put you- put us- in danger.”

You looked up at him with teary eyes, “We can come back. When things are okay. And you’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”

“Yeah. We’ll be okay.” He kissed you again, a sort of sad, nostalgia sitting as a taste on his tongue.

You pulled away and Yugyeom pouted, leaning in for another kiss, “One more,” you stated, “and we need to get going.”

“Or,” Yugyeom held down your waist, “we could wait the storm out. Kiss a little more…”

“You have an obsession, ‘gyeom.”

“More like an addiction,” he pressed your lips against yours, “but I am also so obsessed.”

You shook your head, giving him one last kiss, “Ten minutes.”

“Two hours.”

“Thirty minutes.”

“Two hours and forty minutes.”

You raised your eyebrows, “An hour.”

“Two and a half hours.”

“Fine!”

Yugyeom smiled, “I win,” his grip tightened around your waist as he sat himself up against the car door. He stared at you wordlessly, watching you with a quiet smile on his face. “Have I ever told you how pretty you are? How smart? How bad ass?”

“Only every second of your existence, ‘gyeom.”

“Well, you’re pretty. And smart. And so badass. I just thought I’d remind you.”

Yugyeom drove later that night. It was so serene, a peace different than you were used to. It was lovely, watching as he drove over a bridge and you could see all the stars reflecting on the lake. The drive was pleasant. Your mind was kept busy by Yugyeom’s rambling, and you were thankful for it. Otherwise, you would’ve lost your mind.

Or what’s left of it.

Work the next morning was spent with wistful gazes from Hyunjin, and little notes of encouragement that he would send you. Whenever you would leave your desk, for one reason or another, he would leave sticky notes with doodles or a daisy. He was just trying to make you smile, but guilt was stirring inside of you.

But you had things to do. Things that were bigger than this. Than him. Than Yugyeom. Than you. At least that’s what you were going to tell yourself until you were forced to make a decision.

But what was exciting was the detour you took after work.

“Yeji Hwang,” you said loudly, smiling at her as you stopped her in the middle of the sidewalk, “Could you spare a moment of your time?

Yeji scrunched her eyebrows. “Do I know you?”

“No, not at all.”

Yeji scoffed, “Weird ass,” she turned and started to walk away.

“But I take it you know Sir Hwang? And perhaps his son, Hyunjin?”

Yeji turned on her heels, clutching her bag and you watched as she walked back, her high ponytail swinging and bouncing as she made her steps forward. “Why didn’t you start with that?”

You smiled, “You didn’t give me the chance to speak.”

She tapped her foot impatiently, holding on to her clutch bag, “You’re not the guy they usually send.”

“Change of plans. Coffee?”

She eyed you carefully, and you knew exactly the look. She was trying to figure you out. You kept your face slightly blank, a polite smile and crinkled eyes. Not finding anything that seemed awry, she nodded.

“Coffee sounds good.”

You opened the cafe’s door, letting Yeji step inside first. Yeji set her bag on the chair, the premium leather and pearl strings shining in the cafe light. Resting your chin on the bridge of your hands, you tilted your head and looked at Yeji.

“You’re a cop. But you cover for us. Isn’t that slightly immoral?”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Look, if you’re from internal affairs-,”

You shook your head, lifting your hair, and showing her the nape of your neck. “I’m not from internal affairs. Just making small talk is all.”

She glared at you, but smiled sweetly at the waiter who came to take the order. “I’d like an americano and your most expensive piece of cake.”

You looked up at the waiter, “A latte please, and I’ll have the same cake.”

Yeji raised her eyebrows, and crossed her legs, “What’re you here for?”

“To make a deal.”

“Care to elaborate?”

You laughed, “See, you’re a cop, but a dirty one. I need you to assist me with something, I need you,” you paused, “to turn against Sir Hwang.”

She got up, the chair scraping against the floor. “Fuck you.”

You got up, poised, with your hands folded, “You could become a scandal real quick. All of the nation knowing that you cleared up the tracks of a gang- you know it would never get out that the Hwangs are a mafia? And that you did it for money? Better yet, do you think I don’t know about your father?”

Yeji poked the inside of her cheek with her tongue. She pursed her lips and sat back down, the bag slamming down on the floor. A few moments of silence was shared by the both of you. You wanted it to sink in, to make it uncomfortable. You stared at her, blinking slowly, letting her know that you were watching her.

“I could leave. Tell Sir Hwang about some bitch trying to get me to go rogue.”

You slid out your phone, letting the audio of your conversation play. “And I could go to the press with this. And the police. You think Sir Hwang is gonna associate with you after that? You think that any of the police, the press could come close to him?” you paused, “Hero cop, Hwang Yeji, turns out to be dirty. Accepting money from local gangs. You would never win.”

You smiled at the waiter as he came and dropped off the cakes and coffee.

“You started out so noble, wanting money for your father, help him recover from cancer. And then Sir Hwang comes in with the offer of a lifetime, save your father and live comfortably? Who wouldn’t take that deal? But you think the press is gonna understand that? The nation will vilify you, Yeji. You’ll rot in prison, and your dad will die, and you will have no one.”

You took a sip from your latte, and smiled, “Absolutely no one. Maybe the loneliness will get to you and you’ll hang yourself with your bedsheet.”

“I’ll do it. Just,” her voice cracked, “stop talking, please.”

“Pleasure doing business with you.”

You got up, and pushed your cake towards her. “I’ll keep in touch. See you soon.”

And she let you, didn’t even look up to watch you stride away, just stared into the coffee mug and listened to the sound of your heels clicking against the floor all the way ‘til the door. She continued staring into her cup, as you glanced at her through the cafe’s window.

You never said you wouldn’t play dirty.

But that didn’t mean you felt awful.

Absolutely awful. You stared at yourself in the mirror, pulling your hair back, inching forward then backward. You were a bad person. You were turning into Sir Hwang, you were just the same. You looked at the fading scar you had, remembering his fingers, the coldness of the water. You could hear the heavy quietness, the stillness of the water. Breathing hard, you clutched your head, and dropped to the floor. It was becoming more of a routine. You, on the floor, crying, and Yugyeom comes in, picking you up and humming a song for you to calm down.

You don’t know why he put up with you. Good must outweigh the bad, you suppose, but you weren’t even sure about that.

Does he pity you?

Does he feel bad for you?

Is he working for Sir Hwang?

Sleep. That’s what you needed. You would get some sleep and it would be okay. You smiled- because you were good at pretending, you were the best at pretending.

Things were gonna be okay.

You snuggled into Yugyeom’s warmth- closing your eyes. His heartbeat was like the background instrumentals, the chorus, and the melodies of your favorite song. It was like choir singing. Powerful and soft, warm but loud. He was comfort.

Another nightmare. Your mother, a necklace of rope dangling down her body and pooling at her feet. She held dried roses, and a pungent smell enveloped you. Rot, over ripe and dry. A riot of rot. You started to fall through the earth suddenly, in cold ocean water, the salt flooding and burning up your nose. You looked down, the green of earth staring back up at you. Your mind spun, the world upside down, the sky bleeding blue, water surrounding the earth. You clawed at your throat, staring into the blinding light that swallowed you up, you were drowning, drowning and no one was around to help you. And as soon as you embraced the idea of death, the ocean sky spat you down, back to reality, back to earth, in the midst of a field. Yeji stood at the end of the field, and you ran, the grass scratching your feet, the salt water dew browning the green. Almost, you were almost there, until you slammed against a mirror, shattering, the glass cutting you up as you screamed, the sound of crackling glass so much louder than you could ever be. A gun sat in your lap, as you sat in the shards of glass, and you then you were watching yourself. You watched, as your doppelganger watched too. Both of you raised your deep sea, black shaded guns, and then all you saw was red. And then nothing.

You screamed as you were awake, kept screaming, even as Yugyeom held you and rocked you. You thrashed, crying and crying until you couldn’t, falling limp like a ragdoll.

It had been hours.

Yugyeom was asleep, clinging to you. He fell asleep long ago. You stared at the ceiling, a faint haunting echo in your ears. You felt like you were spiraling out of control. You slipped out of Yugyeom’s hold, against your better judgement, against your judgement in general. The floor was cold to your bare foot, sending a wave of shock up your body. You froze, suddenly underwater, feeling Sir Hwang’s hand pushing you underwater. Breaking through the water, the memory, you came to again.

You were bigger than all of this.

What you were doing was bigger than any of this.

Suddenly you could breathe, taking a big breath of air, filling up your lungs like you never had. Electrified, sparks hitting ocean currents.

Things were gonna be okay.

You dreaded going to work. It was particularly distressing. It wasn’t like the feelings you had for Hyunjin had completely gone away. It felt wrong. Hyujin was clearly trying so hard to get back on your good side. And you still loved him. But you loved Yugyeom too.

What was really the kicker is that this shouldn’t even have been on your mind. Absolutely not. What should’ve taken all your brain space is what else you could do to dismantle and abolish the system that Sir Hwang and his predecessors created. And you have been planning, really- you have. But guilt was eating you up inside.

But you were only human, right?

You were allowed to feel these things right?

You weren’t so sure.

Yugyeom could tell something was up. He looked at you with a softer, more questioning gaze. “I’m okay,” you told him, “don’t worry about me. Things are gonna be okay.”

It was more for you than for him, but it convinced him anyway. You tucked your blouse into your pencil skirt and buttoned the very last button.

“You look very pretty, ____.”

“Ah,” you were spun out of your thoughts, “thank you. You look very pretty too.”

He came up and wrapped his arms around your waist and sat his head in the crook of your neck, peppering kisses along the nape.

“I’m gonna be late!” you squealed, refusing him as he came up for a kiss.

“Just one?” he asked, “One good kiss and I’ll let you go.”

“No, sir,” you replied, turning your face towards him, “I know how you are. One turns into ten and next thing you know, you’ve convinced me to stay in and cuddle, and then-”

Taking advantage of your complaining and rambling, Yugyeom stole a kiss from you. He was always able to catch you off guard somehow. You had to be the one to pull away and upon pulling away, you were met with a very smug ‘gyeom who was about to lean in again.

“Nope!”

You unraveled yourself from the rope of his arms, shaking your head, “You have no limits.”

“And! We have to get going.” you went to collect your purse, “Or we’re going to be late, and I hate being late.”

Succumbing to your desires, Yugyeom trailed after you, following you to the car. The ride was nothing different. You bid goodbye to him and went on your usual route to work. Thankfully, due to some speeding, you would still be slightly early. Despite your wariness to see Hyunjin, you still had morals.

Or, what was left of them anyways.

You pushed the button for the floor on the elevator and tried to ease the anxiety that was building up inside of you. The doors opened and you hesitated before stepping out. And there he was, waiting at your desk, fixing a vase of flowers next to your computer.

“______!”

“Hey.”

“I, uh,” he stammered, “I got these for you.”

You didn’t recognize the flowers, but they were a vibrant array of flowers. “They’re pretty,” you murmured, delicately touching the petals.

Hyunjin tapped his fingers against his thigh and you relaxed. Looking up at him, you moved closer.

“What’s gotten into you?”

“I’m trying to say I’m sorry.”

“Why now?”

“Because I realized I’m not a little kid anymore. And because I love you, _____.” Hyunjin sighed, “And I know that’s not fair to say. You deserve to be angry at me. You deserve space. I just want you to know that I’m here for you if or when you’re ready.”

“Okay.”

“And,” he shifted on his feet, his fingers reaching for yours, but stopping mid air- he’d never been this shy to touch you, so you reached out and grabbed his hand, earning a smile, “if you wanted to join me for lunch.”

You nodded, and he let go of your hands.

Can you drown in guilt?

The day passed quickly. A note from Jisung gave you some revolutionary information, and a note you dropped off at Changbin’s desk along with some useless photocopies organized set things into stone.

And you couldn’t wait.

But first? You had to tackle lunch with Hyunjin.

The time rolled around, and the time on your computer glared back at you. You loved Hyunjin, that much you knew. But you didn’t love the complicated gestures of love and the delicate intricacies of it. You just wanted things to work out. You wanted things to be okay. You wanted the option to fall into your lap so you weren’t forced to make that decision.

“_____?”

“I’ll be right there, just give me a moment.”

You got up and smoothed your skirt. Hyunjin was watching you move towards his office with a huge puppy smile on his face. Deciding that you were taking too long, he pulled you into his office. “I got pan fried dumplings,” he said happily, “I know how much you love them.”

“I would give anything in the world to eat as many dumplings as humanly possible.”

“You could do it. I believe in you.”

“Physically, I am capable,” you laughed, “but emotionally? It would ruin me.”

It was pleasant. Hyunjin respected your space, sitting at a distance from you as you shared food. He made jokes, and you laughed. But he was only human. He stared at your lips often, tapping his fingers. You were no mind reader, but you knew he missed you.

You missed him.

And the guilt was killing you.

“_____?”

“Yes, Hyunjin?”

“Can we,” he asked softly, “can we start over? Can you give me another chance?” His voice wavered, “Can I kiss you?”

“Kiss me?”

He nodded, “Just on the cheek, if you want. I just- I just miss touching you.”

“On the cheek.” you approved. You’d be lying if some part of you didn’t miss it too. “But I need time. And space to figure it- this- out.”

Hyunjin leaned towards you, closing the space and encompassing the air that separated the two of you. He pressed his lips against your cheek and lingered there for a moment. And then you caved, turning your face towards him- and kissing him for real this time. Like you once did, and god, you’d be lying if you didn’t like it. That you didn’t love him. That it was just like the last kiss you remembered, just as good- if not better.

But you pulled away, and he looked so happy.

“We better eat,” you murmured.”

And eat you did. So much for figuring things out.

You picked up Yugyeom, and he looked so excited to see you. “Tonight,” he clapped, “tonight is the big night and the start of our mission.”

“You’re gonna meet a lot of new people, Yugyeom. And I’m scared that they’re not as trustworthy as they make themselves seem. But I need your hands.”

“Hey,” his voice grew soft, “we’ve been over this. It’s gonna be okay.”

It was late at night when you and Yugyeom climbed into the van. No one spoke. No one said anything. The van drove off, then stopped at where you needed to be. Your heart was still. You knew that you were trained for extreme situations, situations like this one. But it still surprised you. Does everyone else feel this way? Entirely calm? Not the slightest bit of anxiety?

You were the first to climb out of the van, the gun not even heavy on your back. It was just an extension of yourself. The gun wasn’t the weapon.

You were.

It was like a switch had been flicked. You moved quickly and quietly. Blending into the darkness, you forgot that you were a human and not some machine of terror. It was like walking on air, walking on water, even. The AR that sat on your hip wasn’t heavy, almost like it was included in your own weight. You led the way, making your way to the center of the maze. You were sure it was intentional. It was exciting in a morbid way,

It shouldn’t have been so easy, the way you disarmed those men, the way you could make them crumple onto the floor like rag dolls. And in retrospect, it was scariest the way you didn;’t even think about it. It was something more, something less than instinct. You didn’t think twice, you didn’t even think about it. They became nothing more than a target, nothing more than something to get past. Taking the lead came natural, guiding the others through the maze. And then, after countless obstacles, there was the safe, the motherfucking jackpot.

Yugyeom and Jisung took out the several men standing in front of the gate, while you and Changbin worked on the locks. It took a few minutes, which was frustrating, but it could’ve been worse. Each lock only had one try before everything confined was dropped through the floors and sent away. To where, you only had a vague idea. Each one of the locks was a long series of random numbers, increasing in length each time.

Jeongin stood over your hunched figure, watching Jisung and Changbin carefully. His expression was dark and the gun was pointed ever so slightly. You’d never seen him like this.

Finally, a latch opened, and without thinking, you jumped down. You rolled onto your feet, and froze once you heard a loud click. The long corridor before you was lighting up with fluorescent lights. Something felt off. You looked over at Jeongin and watched as Changbin dropped down, and raised your eyebrows at them. Changbin starts to cross towards you but Jeongin separates the two of you with his gun. You let Jeongin and Changbin work it out and trek forward. Your steps are light, but you run anyhow. It wasn’t a trap. Not exactly.

Your breath caught in your throat. It was good. Almost too good. You breathed deeply, and your heartbeat slowed. You got this.

You got this.

And there it was. The last door. The plan you were given was slightly off, but considering that none of them had ever been here, the mistake was forgivable. You crouched down, staring at the metal door. It was just a latch. It seemed deceitful in a sense. But there was nothing wrong. Nothing entirely. You extended your hand, and in it, Yeji placed down a disposable camera. Holding in a breath, you unclasped it, and opened the door.

And there it was.

Cocaine fucking heaven.

But, of course, there were at least a dozen security enforcers just in your sight. Armed and dangerous, and hoping to get to blow someone’s head off on their shift to make the time go by.

And boy, they weren’t happy to see you.

You let go of the breath you were holding, and moved quickly. The gunfire was almost serenading you. There was something festering in you- the adrenaline maybe. The hot blood coursing through your veins, your heart beat seeming to slow down, thumping in your ears like white noise. You lead the way, your gun aimed and shooting only to disarm.

No deaths, you repeated in your head, I can not make that decision.

No deaths.

You heard a cry, and started walking backward, letting who you assumed to be Chan take the lead. And all you could think of as you retreat is, please don’t be dead. You found Jeongin slightly limping, and he shook his head, nodding his head towards the front of the group. You signaled for Jisung to stay and guard the back, as you made the way back to the front, letting bullets rain as you moved. You turn to check on Yeji, taking pictures of all the packs of cocaine and such. She seemed fine, even giving you a thumbs up to confirm. Bodies dropped like flies, and you didn’t even think about it.

You were scaring yourself.

But even so, you couldn’t stop. Not now, not with how close you were. Above the drugs, there sitting high on the wall, was a number nine. You pulled out your disposable, and snapped a couple pictures. Now, you had to get out, and get out quick. Yugyeom and Chan had retreated to the maze. Since you hadn’t heard from Changbin, you assume the coast was clear, but there was an increasingly large fear in the back of your mind.

Then, it happened before you could process. A flurry of gunshots rang out, and you felt the floor before you knew what it was. You could feel the bullet in your leg.

If it doesn’t get out of you soon- and by soon, you mean right the fuck now- you were gonna die. You crawled, somehow, behind the stacked pounds of paraphernalia. You could feel it expanding. You could only be grateful that it wasn’t a main artery. Resting your head against the paraphernalia you pulled up your black leggings, and felt around your calf. Just scathing.

You’re okay, it was just a scathe.

Hollow Point. It was a Hollow Point. And if you don’t move- if you don’t move right the fuck now-

You scrambled on your feet, moving fast as you could. Yeji had left.

They had left you behind.

40 notes · View notes

ibijau · 4 years

Text

Nobody really asked for it, but time for more de-aged LXC trying to figure out what the fuck happened to him!

This and previous instalments are also on AO3

Lan Xichen opens the door, expecting his uncle, or better yet his brother. Instead he finds himself face to face with a stranger dressed in black and red, smiling in a conspiratorial manner that promises nothing good.

“Zewu-Jun, won't you invite me in?”

The man doesn't look surprised by his youth, meaning he knew to expect it. Only four people know, though: Lan Qiren who discovered him, Nie Huaisang who found out, Lan Wangji who was told, and presumably Lan Wangji's husband. Lan Xichen doesn't think his uncle or brother would tell anyone. He trusts Nie Huaisang to have kept the secret as well. The weak link, then, is this Wei Wuxian who Lan Qiren dislikes so much and thus forbade Lan Xichen from seeing. Could Wei Wuxian have told someone? Lan Xichen understands that his brother-in-law dabbles in unconventional means of cultivation, perhaps he felt one his colleagues might know how to handle his current state? But then why not...

“Ah, right, you wouldn't recognise me!” the stranger laughs. “We make quite a pair here, Zewu-Jun. I'm Wei Wuxian.”

“You're not!” Lan Xichen protests, shocked by the nerve of that man. “I've met Wei Wuxian. Even accounting for the passing of time, you look nothing like him.”

The man only laughs harder. Something about it startles Lan Xichen. The face and body are wrong, even the voice is, but the mannerism, the manner of laughing are...

“Right, right, funny story there, it's me but the body isn't mine,” the man explains with a too cheerful grin. “So Lan Zhan really didn't tell you, eh? Even after so long, if his uncle says something, he's still likely to listen. Anyway, why don't you let me in before someone sees that I'm here? I thought we could have a little chat, you and me. I bet you've got questions and fancy that, I think I have answers.”

Lan Xichen hesitates to call Shuoyue to him to chase away this intruder. It's what he should do, what his uncle would want him to do.

But it's been three months now, and Lan Xichen is starting to fear that he will never return to being the man he had grown into. A pity, a shame, a blessing, he doesn't know. But that's how things are, and if this man really has answers...

Lan Xichen steps aside, silently inviting the man to come in. The stranger saunters inside, letting Lan Xichen close the door behind him. He really does move like Wei Wuxian, it's uncanny.

“So, let's do this,” the man says, sitting at the table and taking out a jar of wine from his sleeve.

Lan Xichen half wants to laugh. This really must be Wei Wuxian, then. He's never met anyone else shameless enough to drink so openly inside the Cloud Recesses. He sits down opposite his... his brother-in-law, apparently.

“You're a clever man,” Wei Wuxian says, opening his jar. “And as I remember, you were pretty sharp as a boy too. They've been careful around you, but I'm sure you must have guessed a few things already. Do you want to tell me what you think you know?”

Lan Xichen nods.

“I know there was a war. I think it was against the Wens, but that's just an educated guess. We've been fearing open conflict with them since before my birth. My father died shortly before that war, or during it, and I became sect leader in his place. I think I was still young.”

“You weren't quite twenty yet,” Wei Wuxian confirms.

Lan Xichen startles. That's too close, that's too soon. He's just eighteen now, how could he become a war leader in less than a year?

“After the war, I don't really know what happened,” Lan Xichen confesses, still shaken by how young he rose to power (will rise to power). “But my brother doesn't trust me anymore, and I'm not sure I'm friend with Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang either.”

Brother would not have approved, Lan Wangji said about the marriage that appears to make him happier than anything in the world.

You can find better friends than me, Nie Huaisang had muttered, refusing to look at him.

“Wangji and Nie Huaisang say I don't grow into a bad man,” Lan Xichen whispers. “But I wonder if they're both lying to spare me.”

Wei Wuxian shrugs, and takes a sip of wine.

“What's good, what's bad?” he asks. “From what I can tell, you did what you thought was right. You've trusted all the wrong people and you've been blind to things that should have alerted you, but you weren't the only one to be fooled so I don't suppose you can be blamed. Still, even if you're not bad yourself, there are some who'll say in allowing evil to reign, you're tainted by it.”

Lan Xichen has to close his eyes and take a deep breath. It's not what he wanted to hear, but it feels more sincere than Lan Wangji and Nie Huaisang's attempts to comfort him. Lan Xichen thinks he likes Wei Wuxian.

“What evil did I protect, then?” he asks. “Will you tell me this much?”

“It's a long story,” Wei Wuxian sighs, glancing at the window. It's still early afternoon. “You won't like most of it, Zewu-Jun. But I've learned the hard way that secrets can tear apart a family and you know what? I'm tired of seeing Lan Zhan hurting over something he can't control. If he can't tell you, I will.”

And so, he does.

It is a painful, convoluted story of war, friendship, betrayal and power. Wei Wuxian is mercilessly honest about it all. He admits to his own fault, just as he denounces those of others. Lan Xichen is made uncomfortable when he hears some of the decision he's made (will make), though the worst part is that he understands why he chose (will choose) this. If Jin Guangshan said those prisoners were treated humanly, how could he not believe his elder? If Wei Wuxian killed people in so ruthless a manner, in such great numbers, how could he not join the effort to take him down before he striked again? If Lan Wangji betrayed his own sect...

Lan Xichen cries at hearing that his brother chose to stand against them, at the news of thirty-three strikes of the discipline whips. He knows the history of Gusu Lan, knows how traitors are to be treated. He hopes his brother understood (will understand) that this was the most merciful punishment he could get away with.

He cries again when he hears that Nie Mingjue has died. His best friend, his oldest friend, his confidant, the person he trusted above all others.

He doesn't understand when Wei Wuxian tells him that he unknowingly sided (will side) with Nie Mingjue's murderer, but Wei Wuxian himself is surprisingly kind about it.

“Jin Guangyao was good at being what people needed him to be. There's little shame in having been fooled by him when he fooled so many. Even I couldn't quite believe it when I first realised that he was involved. There's just one person who saw right through him.”

Lan Xichen gasps.

We all lied to you.

“Nie Huaisang?”

Wei Wuxian nods, and continues his tale, but it makes no sense.

Nie Huaisang isn't like this. He's a sweet boy who smiles and laughs easily, who pretends to cower before his brother but stubbornly does as he pleases, knowing Nie Mingjue adores him too much to punish him. He's friendly and open and honest. He's not someone who lies and hides and plots in the dark. He's not someone who pretends to be people's friends only so he can better stab them in the back when the chance comes.

The way everyone else changed... that makes sense. He can imagine Lan Wangji going too far for love. He can see Nie Mingjue becoming inflexible in his vision of justice. Even for himself, he's always been the sort to try to please everyone, so it's no surprise that he became that man who sided with whoever seemed to promise peace. But Nie Huaisang? Nie Huaisang never gave any sign that he was anything but lovely and a little silly, how could this have happened?

“It's hard, losing the person who took care of you,” Wei Wuxian notes in a voice fraught with barely contained pain. “It can break you. I certainly did for me. And when something is broken, you have to be careful or the shards of it will cut even those trying to help.”

Wei Wuxian means himself and Lan Wangji.

He might mean Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen, also.

Lan Xichen can feel a headache coming. He cried too much, and he learned too much, it feels like his skull is trying to collapse onto itself to block all this. He half regrets giving in to curiosity, but mostly he's glad he did.

Now he knows.

Now he understands.

It's not cowardice that pushed the man he became to do this to himself. He doesn't think that man really regretted those choices, not even the wrong one because they were made in good faith, and from a sincere heart, with what information he had.

Still, they were wrong choices, and they alienated him from just about everyone he ever cared for. These earnest, honest choices killed Nie Mingjue, they made his brother fear his happiness would be resented, they turned Nie Huaisang into a cruel and lonely man.

The man he became didn't want to forget, Lan Xichen thinks. He just wanted a chance for new choices, unburdened by the old ones, and he wasn't sure to deserve that chance as he was.

“That's the whole story,” Wei Wuxian says, oddly gentle now. “That's everything that happened, at least the parts that I know. There's got to be more, but I wasn't there for it, obviously. If you want more details, you'll have to ask someone else.”

Lan Xichen nods, wiping his tears with the back of his hand.

“Thank you for this, Wei gongzi. And thank you for...” he hesitates, and sighs. “Thank you for making my brother happy now, even if apparently it wasn't always so. I can't really judge the past, but I can see the present, and I like the way he smiles when he speaks about you.”

I like the way you smile when you think of him too, Lan Xichen decides as Wei Wuxian's face illuminates with a grin. He doesn't think the man he became could see this without resentment, but he can, and he's glad for it. He's glad he can rejoice in his brother's happiness and not feel the weight of twenty years of hardship spoiling it.

“Thank you as well, Zewu-Jun,” Wei Wuxian says. “That means a lot to me. I'll let you be now, you'll probably want a moment to digest all this, eh? Sorry for dumping it on you all at once, but... like I said, secrets break families. I've seen it once, I'm not seeing it twice.”

Lan Xichen nods. He feels tired, and the headache is there, unpleasantly insistent. He walks Wei Wuxian back to the door, makes him promise to come again, maybe with Lan Wangji next time. It seems to make Wei Wuxian genuinely happy, for which Lan Xichen is glad. He thinks they'll get along, the two of them. How could he not get along with someone who loves Lan Wangji this much?

Once Wei Wuxian is gone, Lan Xichen prepares some tea. It helps with the headache, and gives him time to think.

At dinner time, his uncle comes by to bring him food and give him news. There's no progress on a cure, partly because Lan Qiren still doesn't know how this happened. He still refuses to say what they both know: that Lan Xichen did this to himself. Lan Qiren is a man who can live with his choices, who can take loneliness if it is the price of righteousness, so of course he cannot understand what his nephew did. Lan Xichen doesn't tell him about Wei Wuxian's visit, and he doesn't tell him what he realised about this choice his future self made.

When he is alone again, Lan Xichen ponders what to do, now that he knows why he's here, why he's like this.

A chance for new choices.

He grabs some paper and prepares some ink. In carefully chosen words, he explains his newest choice, so his uncle and brother will not worry. They still will, of course, because they love him, and he's sorry because he loves them as well, but this can't be helped. It is something he must do.

He leaves his letter on the table, propped against a cup so that it cannot be ignored by anyone coming inside, and exits the house. In the near darkness of the rising night, it's easy to move undetected. It is easy, also, to avoid the disciples who patrol the Cloud Recesses so make sure everybody respects the curfew. He almost laughs as he jumps over the wall, elated by his own daring.

He doubts the man he'd have become would have tried to sneak out like this, partly because he can hardly believe he's doing it himself. But this too is a choice, and so is hopping on Shuoyue and turning it Northwest, toward Qinghe.

It's time for new choices.

Maybe Lan Xichen will regret those as much as he ended up regretting the others, but he won't know until he tries.

#lan xichen #wei wuxian #xisang #if you squint #mo dao zu shi #jau writes #not sure if I'll add another chapter or leave this open ended #I just love lxc a lot and I think he made the choices he had to make and there are a lot of decisions he'd struggle to regret #it caused him pain but at that time it seemed the right thing to do or the only thing to do and so he did his best #/sob I just love lxc so much okay???

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