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bioticlaw · 3 months

Text

Symbiosis

( yandere geto suguru x female reader )

It couldn’t be. He was a professional, someone like him wouldn’t make such an amateur mistake. He said it himself: he wanted to help you. Dr. Geto becomes your lifeline.

content: yandere Geto, drug misuse & non-consensual drugging, dependency, past familial trauma, mental health issues, introspection, mentioned past overdose, medical malpractice. contains sensitive content. not a love story. DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT — 5.5k words

notes: please keep it mind that my intention is not to romanticise or glorify these experiences, it is a personal narrative, so it's based on my experiences and feelings at the time. otherwise, I hope you enjoy the story and please, be kind. <3

divider by cafekitsune | cross-posted on ao3

You coasted through your life.

You moved on autopilot, you never questioned or thought about anything, and you had a routine you followed without deviation. You’d been in a state like this for as long as you could remember. You used to wonder how it all began. You used to feel hurt as you were thrown into a deep spiral when you realised that the joyous child you were was now a puppet on its cruel maker’s strings.

You wished you could have saved her.

You knew it was illogical to think that way. You can’t change a story that has already been inked and carved into permanence. Still, it didn’t stop your mind from wandering. Sometimes you’d think of what would’ve been if you could go back in time and save her from her father. If you could have escaped from your captor who saw you as collateral and not his child. Your grandmother used to believe that men were meant to lead and protect their families, but she couldn’t have been more wrong. Was it protecting you when he’d forbidden you from reaching out to the outside world?

Was it protecting you when he’d lock you in his room, away from anything you could use to call for help?

You liked to insist that you didn’t care anymore. Maybe you were a liar. You’d been dishonest far too often in your life, after all. Maybe, in a fucked up spin on the story of Narcissus and his reflection, you fell for your own tricks. You liked to believe you didn’t care, but sometimes, you’d find yourself feeling like that child again—alone and afraid as he gave more love to his stepchildren than you.

You might not have known anything at six years old. He was still your father. But as much as you loved him, you needed to break out of the chains he placed on your life. When he fell asleep from all the drinking he did, you took your chance. Called the number you weren’t allowed to call, decided on where to meet her the next day. Pretended like everything was normal when he woke up. Your mother took you back to your real home from school, and just like that, you were finally free. He cared too much about his public image to start a fight in public. It was the luckiest you had ever been.

You ended up forgetting about it all. You were happy. You were home. You might have spent more time with another relative because your mother was always busy, but you were loved. You felt loved. At least, that was how you remembered it. You weren’t quite sure if your memory was truly failing or if passivity had just been present for all your life. Your memories were in vignettes, burnt and broken, a film reel that was cut and couldn’t be put together. You’d given up on trying to remember. You were fine with leaving yourself in the dark and you were fine with being oblivious. You wouldn’t know if your memories were real, but it didn’t matter anymore.

High school was a blur. You fell asleep, skipped class, and still managed to stay one of your class’ best students despite it all. It was all you could do, anyway. It was just another obstacle you had to get over. As soon as you left the graduation ceremony, you left everyone behind with your memories. The teachers, the staff, your ‘friends.’ You didn’t know them that well. You hadn’t been all too honest with them, just like you weren’t honest with your doctor. The pills he gave you helped—you knew they did. For once, you felt like you were back on earth. You needed the feeling to stay with you. You needed to feel alive, to be alive again.

You liked the moment of bliss you’d get when you came to, so much so that you’d taken it all to die with a smile, but death never came.

Instead, the white light you saw was from the fluorescence of the ceiling, and the angelic choir you wanted to hear was instead the slow beeps of your heart rate on the monitor. What the doctors were talking about over your half-unconscious form didn’t feel like words but nonsense. You couldn’t remember what the nurse said to you, either. All you knew was that in your trance, the state where you teetered on the line between life and death, you saw shadows in that hospital. You saw the ghost of your grandmother in the corner, watching as charcoal flowed down your throat and into your stomach. You felt your father’s indifferent gaze, the same one he had when you drifted too far from shore at the beach.

You heard your mother crying, felt her guilt as she went through the whirlwind you had inadvertently put her in. It was perhaps your biggest regret of all; not the taking of your happy pills, but letting her shed tears over you. Your grandmother used to tell you this was the greatest sin you could ever commit. That scared you enough to force yourself to be better. To be as normal as you could be, as normal as your mother would want you to be. You didn’t want her to cry anymore.

But strength was never your best suit.

Your regret turned into something worse—anger that you let them take your salvation away from you. You weren’t always an angry person. It was hard to get on your nerves that much, you thought. You’d like to think you were carefree (or careless?) and resilient, but the craving in your system and the need to feel something again was all you could think of. You wanted your control back.

You had to get it back. Now that you were on your own, thousands of miles away from home, you had more autonomy to do as you liked. There were no vigilant eyes on you, no more obstacles to overcome, and no more people you had to lie to.

Tempted as you were to resort to such tactics again, you did initially come to the medical centre for a harmless reason. You were running low, and going through another withdrawal episode wasn’t something you were particularly thrilled about. You only wanted—needed—to keep yourself functioning; this was just part of the conditions that came with it. You hated dealing with these things for too long, so begrudgingly, you booked an appointment just to get it over with. Then you could go back to whatever your life was this time.

That feeling of emptiness would continue to persist, fading from one day to another, but you would live. It wasn’t anything worth celebrating. It was just a duty you gave yourself. Even if you didn’t want to, you had to.

Your leg bounced up and down as you sat in the waiting room, idly watching the second hand of the clock tick little by little. It was quiet and surprisingly not too crowded like you assumed when you looked at the appointment times. Other students you didn’t recognise scrolled through their phones, waiting for their names to be called just like you were. You sighed into your face mask. You were bored out of your mind and nothing on your phone could fix that. You’d still zone out anyway.

You glanced down at the paper in your hand. The letters seemed to burn themselves into your eyes the more you read them. You didn’t have to print the appointment details, but you valued your routine and habits no matter how mundane they were. You liked doing things in order. It kept you sane, you thought.

You didn’t quite recognise the name Dr. Suguru Geto. You were to meet them in—you took a glance back at the clock—2 minutes but you were dreading it more than anything. It would be your first time meeting them and if things went well, they’d be someone you see regularly. Apprehension and annoyance simmered at the pit of your stomach. Sudden changes were something you hated, even more so the fact that you had to tell a stranger your history all over again. Suffocated couldn’t possibly be the only word to describe how you felt about it. It was their job to know and help you, you knew that, but you still hated having to muster up the words to talk about how you were mentally and physically.

You didn’t like how vulnerable and paranoid you felt every time you sat in a doctor’s office. Anyone could use your weaknesses against you at any moment. Walking on eggshells around everyone had become second nature to you, irritatingly. It wasn’t as if you wanted to; it was more of a reflex, an instinct. You learnt to hide behind a character you built for yourself and grew used to it. To break that down and expose yourself again wasn’t the easiest thing to do.

Your name was called. “Dr. Geto is ready to see you now. Please follow me.”

The nurse’s heels clicked against the polished floors and the low buzz of the air conditioning was all that accompanied you as you followed her down the hall. Even the air was dreary, and the anxiousness you were feeling only seemed to grow as you got closer to the doctor’s office. It was colder at the end of the hallway where you stood. The nurse gently opened the sliding door, catching the doctor’s attention with a soft lilt of their name.

“Thank you,” you muttered and shuffled past her, tentatively making your way to the chair that was across Dr. Geto’s desk. As the door slid shut, the doctor greeted you, his voice far too jovial for a situation that could be the worst thing to deal with.

“Good morning,” he said. “How can I help you today?”

You shifted in your seat, feeling oddly more uncomfortable under his gaze. “I need a new written prescription. The one I brought from home doesn’t work here.”

“Ah, you’re a foreign student?” He scanned over the paper you handed him, a low hum vibrating in the back of his throat. His lips tugged into a frown. “I don’t think we have this variation in our pharmacy. I’d have to prescribe you a different one entirely.”

“W-What do you mean?” The words came out of you before you could think. “It’s pretty common, isn’t it? I could just buy it from pharmacies at home. What do you mean you don’t have that here?”

Geto raised his eyebrows. It was only then did it occur that you’d spoken too much and might’ve just attracted some suspicion as to why you were here. You pretended not to see how his expression changed, staring down at the floor instead.

“I’m sorry for raising my voice,” you said quietly. “I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s fine. I understand your worries,” he replied, eyes crinkling as he smiled once again. “How do you feel about starting a different one?”

“But…” You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. You didn’t like how it felt being watched by him. It was like you were getting reprimanded for something, even if there was nothing in his visage that implied that at all.

“It won’t be that different. I can prescribe you something with a similar composition,” Dr. Geto explained. The way he spoke was soft and calm. It didn’t take too long for that to affect you, making the tension in your shoulders lift away and your fists unclench. “I assume you know enough about drugs, don’t you?”

You weren’t here for that reason. You just really needed a refill, you weren’t falling back, you weren’t—

“Yeah. Just enough,” you replied hesitantly. “I’ve been seeing psychiatrists and doctors for years, so I just picked it up from them. And I read a lot, so…”

It wasn’t a complete lie, but it wasn’t the truth either. The answer seemed to placate the doctor enough for him to lean back and scribble something down on a piece of paper. The sound of the pen scratching against the surface felt more grating than usual. You thought it was all done, that he’d give you that damn paper and you could leave. But then he crossed his arms over his chest and stared you down, and you realised that wasn’t the case at all. Why was he holding this back from you? Why wasn’t he helping you? All he had to do was click a few buttons, hit print and send you on your way. Why wasn’t he doing any of it?

“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me anything.”

“I have been telling you everything,” you argued, exasperated and flustered. You didn’t understand why he was being so pointed at you. You didn’t remember exactly what you just said to him either. It had always been that way. “Doctor, I just don’t want to go through withdrawals again. That’s it.”

He didn’t seem convinced. What made him change his mind so quickly?

“I want to help you,” he said, your name rolling off his tongue smoothly. “I can’t do that if you don’t help me, too.”

You didn’t like the way he was speaking to you. It reminded you of being back at that wooden house, hiding behind the door as you anticipated when your father’s patience would burst. You shook your head, trying to clear the thought away.

“I… would like it if we could wrap this up soon. I have another appointment in half an hour,” you lied, hoping it would strike some urgency in him and that he would just hurry up. “I’m already running late. I need to be on my way.”

Dr. Geto raised an eyebrow. “You’re avoiding my request.”

“I-I’m not!” you stammered. “Please, doctor, I only have two days left on that bottle. I’ll take whatever it was called that you talked about. I’ve always responded well to medication, it won’t be a danger to me.”

He didn’t respond, only continued to watch you as he absentmindedly drummed his fingers on the desk. The sound was overloading your senses—you felt cornered, you could hear the blood rush in your ears, you could hear ringing, and the taps of his fingers were making it worse.

Hunching over, dejected, you relented. “I was never really told what was wrong with me. They just gave me antidepressants and I never saw the psychiatrist again.”

“You said you met several, no?”

Did you?

“I won’t make assumptions about you,” he said, “but I’m not sure I can trust you with a month’s worth of pills. I’ll only give you a week’s worth of them, then we’ll have a follow-up next Saturday to see how you feel. ”

“I don’t know… Changing medications is scary.”

You cringed at how the confession came out of you so easily. Sometimes it felt like your mind and your body weren’t in tune with each other. There was a gap between the two and you could never manage to get it to close.

Suddenly, the stern demeanour melted away and the friendly doctor was back. His brows were no longer furrowed. His face relaxed as he leaned back against the chair and smiled at you.

“It’s only a bit stronger than what you used to take. There shouldn’t be a drastic change.” The printer whirred to life as it ejected a small piece of paper with words you didn’t really recognise on it. Medical jargon was one of the things you could never memorise well. “Alright. Come, I’ll lead you to the pharmacy.”

You blinked. “You don’t have other appointments?”

“We’re understaffed. It’s only me and two other colleagues working here.”

It didn’t answer your question, but the hope blooming in your chest took your mind off of it. You could finally leave this creepy clinic—well, you were exaggerating, you thought. The clinic was actually well-maintained and populated, but there was just something that felt a little off about this place. You decided you’d blame it on your nerves.

“Please wait here.”

You watched him move between the shelves with an air of familiarity and grace as he murmured something you couldn’t hear. He came back with a small pouch that was labelled with your name and the general details (you knew the gist, you’d done this for years) and placed it on the counter between him and you.

“Like I said, this is a bit stronger than what you used to take, so I want you to start by taking half a pill every morning first.” The pills didn’t look anything out of the ordinary. It was a small, standard white tablet with a line etched in the middle for easier splitting. You gingerly tucked it into your bag, instead rummaging through the mess to look for your wallet. Before you could take out a bill or two, he stopped you. “The university has that covered, remember?”

You blinked. “Oh, right. Yes. Thank you.”

“Come see me if you have a bad reaction to it.” He gave you another friendly smile. It was starting to grow on you. Maybe he wasn’t as bad as you thought he would be. You had a knack for being a bit paranoid, after all. It was just one of those days. You felt a bit bad for judging him so harshly before you even properly spoke to him. “That’s all. I’ll see you next week, same time.”

There was a sense of discomfort nagging you in the back of your mind, but you shook it off. You were prone to overthinking things; this was just one of them. Relieved, you thanked him again and left the clinic. The weather was nice today and you didn’t have overdue assignments. You could recharge for as long as you wanted to.

While you knew not to underestimate these little things, you also weren’t sure how effective taking only half of the pill would be. It wasn’t the first time being on a dosage that would gradually increase, but you were still guilty of constantly worrying if something would work out. You didn’t think you had anything left to turn to if it didn’t.

You’d just have to take Dr. Geto’s word for it.

—

You were never one to pay much attention to how you were doing.

It wasn’t that you didn’t care. Something like that was simply not on the forefront of your mind. You were more than accustomed to being in a perpetual state of lethargy. You didn’t think you ever had a time in your life when you weren’t tired. Despite that, you felt the changes in your behaviour and demeanour. It was hard not to.

In the first half of the week, you felt sluggish and ill, as if your immune system decided to go haywire with the hormones in your brain, but you quickly recovered. It was nothing a little caffeine couldn’t fix (or worsen, but you didn’t want to think about it). He wasn’t lying when he said the medicine was stronger. The side effects weren’t as bad as you assumed they’d be, which you were glad about. Your appetite died down a little, but that was fine. You didn’t eat regularly anyway. As the days passed, you felt less anxious. It was somewhat easier to concentrate and follow along with your professors, even if you remained easily distracted.

Still, it wasn’t enough.

You were never one to pay much attention to how you were doing, but you weren’t one to shy away from your impulses, either. A thought popped into your mind. If you could take only half of the pill well, surely it would be fine to take another for a minor boost? You had a presentation later in the afternoon. Embarrassing yourself in front of the whole class was not an option. Your mother was working overtime to keep you in this position. You couldn’t fail her.

But as you picked up the blister pack, you found that it was empty.

“What?” you breathed. He prescribed you enough for seven days. Where was the last one? Had you accidentally double-dosed without knowing it? You wouldn’t put it past yourself to do something like that. The presentation slipped out of your mind entirely as you seemed to move purely on instinct, tugging the drawers open to also find nothing. When you crouched, you couldn’t find anything under the bed. There wasn’t anything in your luggage. Not even the closet where you’d habitually keep your pills hidden.

Your breathing was getting faster. You could hear the blood rushing in your ears, overwhelming you in white noise as you paced back and forth, shaky sobs leaving your lips as you clutched your hair in a firm grip. Just where was it?

Did Dr. Geto forget to give you enough?

No. It couldn’t be. He was a professional, someone like him wouldn’t make such an amateur mistake. He said it himself: he wanted to help you. It made no sense why he would screw you over like this. This was on you, you thought. You were responsible for keeping them and taking them per instruction. A doctor wouldn’t make a mistake like this. Dr. Geto wouldn’t make a mistake like this.

Your nails dug into your palms as a broken wail escaped you. You needed it. You had an important class later, it was almost exam season—you needed to do well. Your eyes scanned the room once again. Your old ones had already run out; the new pills were your only option, but both of them were gone.

You cursed and harshly wiped away your tears with your sleeve. You were going to be late. You’d just have to run to the clinic as soon as your next class ended. That’s right, you echoed in your head, nodding frantically. That was all you had to do. You could do this, you could. This has happened before. You just needed to try to keep yourself together.

“I can do this,” you repeated to yourself. “I can. I can.”

Tugging your hood over your head, you grabbed your bag and hurried your way to class, trying to ignore the dull ache at your temples. You could take a painkiller later. For now, there was no time—you had to go.

Your breathing was going back to normal by the time you stepped inside the room with a couple of minutes left to spare. Though you weren’t the only one late, humiliation still washed over you. It felt like an omen. You somehow lost or accidentally double-dosed on your pills, you arrived past your self-designated time, and all eyes were on you. Things were all going downhill from here, you just knew it.

You meekly shuffled to the back of the class instead of taking a seat at your usual spot. Maybe the professor would be less likely to call on you that way. The student beside you smiled in greeting and moved his bag for you. You didn’t know his name, but he was nothing but friendly to you the whole semester. It was embarrassing, being in front of someone who recognised you while in such a pitiful state, but there was nothing you could do.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked. His brows furrowed, brown eyes looking at you in concern. “You wanna go to the infirmary? I mean, Fushiguro’s great at taking notes, we can just copy from him.”

You shook your head. “I’m fine. Just overslept.”

Thankfully, he seemed to buy it.

“Oh man, I totally get you. I actually ran here a bit before you did.” He patted your back, the action more awkward than it was comforting. Before he went back to chatting with his friends, he smiled at you. “Glad you’re okay.”

You returned the gesture. Though it didn’t quite reach your ears, he didn’t seem to notice or mind it that much. Luckily enough, the conversation ended there. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. The last thing you needed was for anyone to see you in a state like this. It was better to stop it as soon as it happened.

“Today we’ll talk about transference…”

The voice of your professor eventually became muffled as the ringing in your ears grew louder. The headache was getting harder to ignore and you felt cold, your hands trembling under the desk as your mouth felt like it had just dried up. The world seemed like it was spinning and fading into a blur, and you swore you could hear the boy next to you call out in concern, but you felt heavy like you were falling—

You collapsed to the ground with a loud thud, raising gasps all around you as the boy next to you froze for a moment. You traversed between the light and the dark, barely registering the voices speaking over your weary body.

“—you’re the strongest out of all of us, Yuji, carry her!”

“Shit, yeah, okay—”

“—her friends? Take her to the doctor.”

Your bottom lip quivered, your hands loosely gripping the front of his shirt as he carried you in his arms, swiftly making his way across the campus. Tears sprung to your eyes as you blubbered, latching on to him to help keep you grounded. Nothing else was registering in your mind, only the cold and tremors that got worse the more you cried.

As your sniffles quietened down, you heard a familiar voice—the doctor—talking about something with someone while you felt yourself sink into a soft surface. Queasiness held you in its grasp, left your stomach churning. It dragged you deeper and deeper, distracting you from the sharp prick in the back of your hand before you fell into nothingness.

—

The fluorescent white light was unkind to your vision as you slowly blinked awake.

You felt… strange. Like you were floating. Like you weren’t in your own body. You felt weary, incredibly so, that just forcing yourself to sit up felt impossible. The world was coming back to clarity the longer you kept your eyes open. You were no longer in the lecture hall but in a doctor’s office. Your seatmate must have carried you here, you thought. You parted your lips to speak, tried to call out for anyone, but your voice wouldn’t come out.

You fell back against the pillow, your eyelids fluttering closed again. It wasn’t until the door slid open did you finally feel more alert, bottom lip quivering the moment Dr. Geto stepped in. How could he still smile at you after what you’d done? After you broke his trust?

He took a seat next to the bed you were on. You whimpered out his name, blindly reaching for him with what energy left you could muster. You wanted to apologise, to try to explain yourself, but instead—

“You didn’t give me enough,” you whispered, the rest of your words dissolving into soft and incoherent whines. You didn’t know what you were supposed to do or how you were supposed to feel. Anger? Regret? Ironically, emotions seemed like the least of your worries when he was right next to you. You stared at him, your eyes glazing over with tears. “‘m sorry.”

You barely felt a warm hand clasped on top of yours as he sighed deeply, taking a glance at the heart monitor by his side.

“It was my mistake,” he said. You shook your head weakly, a quiet no leaving your lips. “I’ve failed you as your doctor.”

“No,” you repeated in what you hoped was a more assertive tone. It felt useless to wish for something like that. Maybe you should just stop thinking overall and let whatever this was play out on its own. You were so tired, but slumber was falling out of your hands and replaced by a burden upon your shoulders, guilt. “No, doctor…”

You wanted to tell him it was your fault. That this was just another lapse of memory, just like the last time and the time before that. There was a sense of fear clouding your mind, a flash of a warning that disappeared as fast as it came. You felt like there was something you should tell him or even ask him, but you couldn’t think of what it was.

“You’ll be alright now,” Dr. Geto reassured you. “How are you feeling?”

You couldn’t answer.

Just why were you nervous? There was nothing wrong here. He took care of you while you were unconscious, made sure you’d survive. You mumbled something under your breath, tears building up at the corners of your eyes the more you tried to speak. Bringing your hands up to your face, you shake your head again, this time allowing yourself to cry freely.

He softly shushed you, gingerly urging you to look at him. You let out a choked sob as he pried your hands off your face, saying your name in a voice that was barely above a whisper.

“You’re okay now,” he said, “Don’t cry.”

You weren’t sure how long he comforted you. All you could do was cry and cry until there was nothing left, until all your sobs became sniffles and exhaustion crawled into your bones, finding a home in your being. A rustle of fabric and you were being lifted in his arms, your head dropping as you drifted in and out of consciousness.

“I’m cold,” you exhaled shakily, nestling closer to him in an instinctive search for warmth and comfort. “I wanna go home.”

You couldn’t hear what he said as you succumbed to fatigue, further and further away until you came to again. You’re not in the clinic this time but in someone else’s room on a softer, warmer bed. The haze you’re trapped in overpowers the warning alarms in your head, replacing them with a sense of longing for the doctor who’s been taking care of you so well. Your wish is granted as the mattress dips with someone’s weight. Dr. Geto sits at the side, gently clasping his hand over your thigh as he says your name, soft as the wind.

“I don’t…” you trail off. What were you going to ask him? Were you just anxious that he was gone? “Something… Something’s wrong.”

“Are you still feeling sick?”

“I don’t know.”

You turn on your side, bringing your legs to your chest as you curl deeper into the blankets. You glance up at him. He’s not wearing his doctor’s coat anymore. Is he going somewhere?

He gently brushes stray hairs off your face before cupping the side of your face, wiping your tears away with his thumb. When did you start crying? You don’t know why you still feel so tired, or why you keep forgetting things the moment you think of them. But maybe you don’t have to know. Maybe you just need to trust him and just fall.

There isn’t any strength left in your system. Briefly, you’re reminded of how this is just like when you were in the emergency room years ago, alone and confused and helpless. Still, you force yourself up and crawl to him before resting your head on his lap. Like he’s in tune with you, his fingers card through your hair, comforting and familiar. You don’t think you’ve felt that in years.

You’re in a daze and you’re starting to enjoy how it felt. You don’t have to think anymore. Don’t have to worry, don’t have to feel afraid. Still, you can’t help but call for him again, as if you were worried he’d disappear if you stopped looking at him.

“Doctor…”

“Suguru.”

“Suguru,” you echo. Something feels wrong. He’s your doctor. This isn’t the hospital or the clinic. You should get up and run, get away as far as you can, but it feels so good to be held by him. Your mother used to do the same thing until you fell asleep and got lost in a dream. Dr. Geto—no, Suguru—is warm. He loves you. He cares for you.

You don’t want it to end.

“I can’t do this without you.”

You stare into space, completely missing his smirk as he coos in reply, voice sweet like honey, “I know. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You promise?”

He urges you to sit up properly before handing you two pills and a glass of water, comfortingly patting the top of your head when you take them from him. Your body moves on its own, far too used to this routine—take the pills, take a sip, swallow. Your limbs feel like jelly as you slump against him, resting your head on his chest. Strong arms wrap themselves around your frame and hold you close to a steady heartbeat.

Soft whines and whimpers leave your lips without you realising it. He’s so warm, a stark difference to how cold his office is, and the longer he holds you, the more you feel like you’re drifting away, sinking deeper, deeper…

“I do.”

And you let yourself fall into the ocean’s depths.

#trauma dumping but make it fashion #all #getou suguru x reader #suguru getou x reader #geto suguru x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #cw drugs #cw drugging #cw hospital #cw overdose #cw kidnapping #cw dark content #from kiri's keyboard

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tetsurosboo · 3 months

Text

There for you.

paring: kuroo tetsurō x fem reader.

wc: 846

warnings: mentions of being sick, usage of my love, love and baby.

kuroo tetsurō, former captain of the nekoma volleyball team and current employee of the jva might as well just be your soulmate, the person promised to you. as difficult as people see you, he gets around you, he always has. so that meant that he saw right through your bullshit; he was attentive and observant, he knew when you were hiding something, when something was off with you, and this particular morning, his suspicions were proven right when he received a call from your mother.

he hates how stubborn you could be when you wanted to, and it always got on your family’s nerves when you never said you were feeling sick or sad because you were never that type of person, and the sentence “you’ll take me to the doctors when i ask for it.” was always used. you always dismissed any bad feeling, but for some ironic reason you always thought the worst out of every situation, it’s funny, for someone who hates being sick, you were often in that situation. so it wasn’t weird for your boyfriend to find out you were down with the flu from another person.

so there you were, laying on your shared bed, almost crying from how unbearable your fever was getting, your body was hurting too and that uncomfortable feeling on your nose and throat that never seemed to go away. and to add to all that fun and magic, you just got your period, so we might add the cramps to the equation. it wasn’t the best day of your week.

you heard the front door and immediately sat up, cursing yourself because you already knew what was about to come, but you decided to play dumb the second you heard his footsteps getting closer and his tall figure was leaning on the door frame, he wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt and see if you’ll admit that you were sick.

“tetsu what are you doing here?” you asked as you raised and eyebrow, finding some strength to get out of your bed. “you should be at work…”

“i asked my boss to let me take the day off since you were sick. how are you feeling, baby?

“i’m not sick, i’m fine.”

“hmm… would you at least give your loving boyfriend a hug? i didn’t get a chance to say goodbye earlier.” he was plotting something, of course, but you didn’t even notice, you were tired and you wanted to hug him too, so you gave in and hugged him, letting out a sigh of relief from how warm he felt against your body. “you’re burning, my love.” he whispered softly and placed his hand on your forehead to confirm, gently pushing you back into the edge of the bed where he sat you down.

“‘m fine.” was all you said before you stood up to walk away to the hallway, into the living room and to the kitchen, but you didn’t get too far to the kitchen because you had stopped to place your hand on a wall for some support, it wasn’t a joke how tired you were feeling, and he just stood behind you with that knowing look on his face and his arms crossed.

“being your boyfriend means i get to take care of you, y/n,” he approached you and placed a hand on your shoulder, making you face him, and as soon as you do, that same hand is placed on your cheek, his thumb caressing it. as soon as you closed your eyes to enjoy his touch, he carried you like a sack of potatoes back into the room. “stop being so stubborn.”

“put me down, tetsurō, i’m not a child!”

“since you want to behave like one, take it like a champ.” he said as he walked back to the room, laying your body gently on the bed and putting the blankets over you, kissing your forehead in the process, you just gave up. “have you taken any meds?” you nodded. “have you stayed hydrated? fever dehydrates you a lot.” and you nodded again. “atta girl.” and he laid down beside you. “you’re not weak for being sick, love, and you’re not bothering anyone either. i want you to speak up whenever you feels sick or anything like that, ‘kay?”

he put the blankets over him too, hugging you and holding you close to his chest as soon as he saw some tears rolling down your eyes. kuroo knew you hated being sick, and he also knew how you always felt like a nuisance even though your family never felt that way about you, but you didn’t like feeling that you were a burden to someone.

“i don’t like being sick.”

he smiled to himself. there you were, admitting that you were, in fact, sick. “i know, love, but i’m here to take care of you…” he kissed your forehead once more as he rubbed your back, feeling how your body gave in and you stopped feeling tense.

he had always been there to take care of you in every extension of the word. through high school, college and now as you two live together, taking care you just comes natural to him, and he loves being able to do so.

reblogs are very much appreciated! love y’all <3

#kuroo tetsurou #tetsurou kuroo #kuroo x reader #nekoma #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#kuroo x you #kuroo tetsuro x reader #hq kuroo

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darkbluekies · 1 year

Text

Silas asks #4

Previous one next one

Concept: I've put multiple asks into one post to avoid too much loose posts on my account! This way, you have more to read too<3

Warnings: mafia, punishment, breaking reader

How tall is Silas?

Here you have the characters approximate heights

How much money does Silas have? 200 mil?

Silas little 'business' has a net worth of 500 million, but he only keeps around 1/5 of it because he has a lot of workers to pay for. It's not about how much money he has, but what he spends it on and how he uses it. He doesn't need much money when he has so many people in control.

We know that Silas is in the Mafia but like what does he really…do?

He thinks off himself as a business man and does a lot of paper work ... which is basically forgering signatures and looking through different contracts between him and his "business partners". He also goes out on missions and does the dirty work, which is confronting people, killing and buying illegal stuff.

Silas is a whore

Yes :)

WHAT DID SILAS DO TO US?!?

WELL HE MIGHT HAVE UH ... GOTTEN INTO YOUR LITTLE HEAD AND MADE YOU A LITTLE SILLY ... HE JUST LOVES YOU SO MUCH <3

Regular Silas < ✨Babygirl✨ Silas with 💖Cat Ears💖I rest my case (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧~🥀

bed now. sleep. yoU'RE NOT THINKING STRAIGHT

Would Silas ever realize that throwing his darling in the basement may be pushing them farther away from him? Or would he rather just hurt them than win them over another way? (Love your writing btw!)

I think he does realize that, but he doesn't want to think about it. It pains him to know that he's the reason why you're hurting. He just want to make you obedient because when you're obedient, you won't get hurt ... he'll try to come up with another way to get you.

"I'm sorry, little thing. Please don't run. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm just going to talk to you. You're in pain because of me. I thought that putting you down there would help you get rid of more pain in the future ... but it seems like I've made a mistake. I'll change my ways. Somehow."

Ya know silas remind me of the main antagonist of kdrama called Love in sadness. The difference is silas is a mafia whereas the antagonist is a ceo. And has a trauma about the death of his mother. The common thing between them is that they both hold alot of power, know many men, has eyes everywhere, more importantly is obsessed and abusive to female lead(or female/male lead for silas). Both of them are capable of blackmailing reader to kill their loved ones if they escape. Thats all I wanna say~

I haven't seen that, but it sounds very interesting! Might have to check it out.

i just finished reading all the Silas posts and..... oh my god he is awesome and your style is just incredible, i love reading new stories. so i have a question: how will Silas react to the darling who gave up trying to escape because it was impossible and decided instead to stay and make Silas' life hell? like, darling who will act like a bitchy trophy wife, looking down on him and trying to command his subordinates or even Silas himself?👀 not_so_submissive_darling, you know?

He'll be pissed. Although he'll be happy that you've given up, he'll be more than frustrated with how bratty you've become. He's the leader, you have no right to control his men. But you don't care.

"Baby, if you order one of my men to do something for you again, you will be put into the basement!" he'll warn you. "So stop acting like a bitchy trophy wife and go watch a movie or something. And if you don't stop, I'll take away everything I've given you. No more fancy clothes, no more jewlery, no more soap or shampoo- ... oh? That makes you mad? Good."

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere drabbles #yandere x you #yandere imagines #yandere mafia #yandere oc x you #yandere headcanon #yandere asks #male yandere

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eldritch-spouse · 1 year

Note

I definitely wasn't binging through Krulu's tag like a horny depraved soul with no life (which i am) when i found this:

Pinnie I need to know how Krulu responds/reacts to Admin's existential crisis and crippling anxiety telling them that they're useless to him now that he has no need to hide and he can just dispose of them if he wants to.

[Fem reader.]

TW: Slight angst; Religious mindsets.

It's wonderful seeing your lord in such high spirits.

You never made note of it before, mostly to avoid being insulting, but it bothered you that Krulu felt unsafe all the time, resigned himself to the darkness of his sacred floor, didn't look beyond the walls of The Clergy's Eye or set foot onto his own garden.

It was disheartening.

He's a god! He's your god! He should face the world with nothing but pride and elegance, his might is to be witnessed and revered by all- Hiding is unbecoming of his perfect nature.

You suppose you have to thank Miara for all of this. For the safety and confidence Krulu now exudes, for the push she gave him to finally finally impregnate you- For your beautiful baby boys who have now grown up to take Earth's main annexes by storm! Life is good.

Life is wonderful.

But it's so, so scary...

Ever since your higher stopped using you as a vessel -There's no need for such anymore, after all- A depressing distance has been cast between you two. Something stifling.

You're so very happy for him, for Adelo and Adrul who can now communicate with their second father openly, see him in the flesh so much more often than they once did, for the two of you even -Because you do like witnessing Krulu's glory- But... Things just aren't the same.

You no longer feel Krulu in the back of your mind, caressing your thoughts and murmuring to you. His presence on your body is so diminished you feel naked. Unsafe. Out of sorts. You feel useless as his servant. This isn't right. It's something you're ashamed to admit, but you wish he'd return to your form.

What's wrong with you? To be wishing misery upon your lord...

You're his chosen, you're the mother of the rulers of Eden and Perdition, you're loved dearly by your lord and your angel- So... So why is it that you feel small? Like an ant? Without Krulu... You're just a human. Just a girl.

Tears prick at your eyes.

It's stupid, it's so stupid. You should be happy. This is a day of celebration! Your sons have come to The Clergy to partake in celebration with their parents and the core team after their impressive feats. And instead of spending quality time with the people closest to you...

You're sobbing on a faraway bench.

Pathetic.

You don't even hear the footfalls approaching steadily.

" Chosen. "

To say you sprung up like a startled feline is to put it flatteringly lightly. Your lord stares at you from a great height, gaze ever hardened, though you've been his servant long enough to spot the creases of worry in the corners of his eyes.

" M- My lord, excuse me- I'll be joining the festivities in no time. " You stammer, wiping the tear trails on your face and hoping your makeup isn't smudged to absolute shit. But it probably is.

Krulu makes a chuff, then takes a seat beside your figure, not looking directly at you. One set of arms rests on their hips, another steeples its fingers, the remaining one adjusts some of his jewelry.

" Speak. What troubles you? "

To the point. You've come to love that about him.

" Nothing serious, my worship. " You sigh. " You know how fragile the human mind is, I'm just being silly. "

The siadar's tail rattles across the floor.

" Our minds may no longer be interwoven, but make no mistake, I know when you dare lie to me. " He warns, eyes narrowed. " Your pain is still my pain, however. And to hurt me is not wise. "

You curl further into yourself on the bench, sniffling. " My deepest apologies- "

" I will not ask twice. What ails you? "

Slowly, you crane your neck back, meeting only the charred side of Krulu's face. With perhaps the most shaky and futile of inhales, your lips let loose.

" I'm scared. "

The siadar straightens slightly.

" My lord, I would never doubt your words- But I doubt myself. We aren't as close as we once were, and that's amazing! That's good! But... I feel so hollow without you in my body. What duty do I have now? I know it's stupid of me -I know I'm foolish- But ever since you've ceased to use me as a vessel, I've been so... Miserable. "

The shame coating your cheeks burns brighter than a thousand dawns, so you opt to bore holes into the stone of the garden's pathway.

There's a deep rumble from beside you, and soon, your small frame is lifted, deposited in the crevice where your lord's long legs cross, facing forward to the garden's expanse just as he does.

" You are going through withdrawal. "

Krulu begins, giving all your thoughts pause.

" Have been, for quite some time. "

Four hands touch your body, two loop around your neck in a familiar hold that has you sighing in comfort. The other pair rubs your sides up and down.

" I never did think it had reached this state, but then, you have a most insufferable habit of hiding your distress from me. "

" I... I don't want to disappoint. "

The implication is loud, even without being verbalized. A pause passes.

" Pray tell, what bred the idea into your mind that the mother of my heirs is expendable? " He challenges, met with silence for a few moments.

" Was it something I imparted onto you? "

And, when you think about it deeper, there was never a moment where Krulu made you feel as if you were nothing but a body. Or that you would someday outlive your use. Your sentiments are strange and you can't place their source aptly.

" Never! I don't recall a single thing you've said or done to me that could cause this- I think I'm just... Having some type of episode? " What a wonderful thing to say, you snort inwardly to yourself. Yes, you're going mental.

" Episode, hm? " Krulu chuckles above you. " Close enough. You got there on your own, songbird. "

" I- Lord Master, I beg your pardon? " Did he actually confirm you're going insane?

The siadar shudders at the title bestowed upon him, a squeeze of powerful claws reminding you not to rile him up now. It slipped.

" Just as when I took hold of your form your organism experienced many changes, you are now going through several more as well. " He explains simply. " My departure is intense, I would be alerted if you did not react to it. "

You blink, staring into his blazing orange hues. " ... But it has been years, lordship. "

Krulu's grin turns slightly mocking. " Indeed it has. "

You can only blink vapidly again, prompting him to laugh loudly and pet you almost condescendingly.

" How many years did you live as my vessel, lesser? "

Oh. Oh.

No fucking wonder you've been feeling this way for so long. Oh boy, this is going to take a long while... Who knew a hormonal imbalance could last this long, and be this devastating. Maybe to a doctor, it would be extremely common knowledge, but you often forget said information, because it hardly ever holds relevance these days.

You feel even dumber now. Dumb as a door. May the ground grow a hole and consume you immediately.

The berating inner-monologue about to kickstart in your mind is halted entirely by the sensation of Krulu's thin lips against the top of your head as the massive entity curls to shield you from the world at large.

" You are hereby ordered to seek me as soon as these flares of inadequacy show themselves, understood? " Even if his words hold supreme authority, you feel the insurmountable care behind them.

" My chosen is my adored and my adored is the light of this decrepit world. You hold more value than the universe could ever hope to achieve to me, yet you do not even realize it. " He whispers.

And you cry.

You sob like a fucking baby.

You wail into your lord's arms, full of relief, of love, passion and reverence and complete fanaticism- Enough euphoria to blind you for seconds of total bliss. It's almost like an orgasm, in a peculiar way.

He holds you throughout the entire catharsis, silent, stable like a stone wall. Only when your quiet sniffling has petered out does he speak again.

" Come to us, Adrul did say he has many tales of his time in Wrath. His mother should listen. "

You stand with Krulu's help, a smile as bright as the sun on your face.

Everything is okay.

You'll get through this.

For him.

Always for him.

Everything for him.

#Krulu oc #monster boyfriend #monster x reader #monsterwhorre #minors dni #terato #yandere monster #yandere teratophilia #terat0philliac #terato tag #monsterfucker

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bitwynn · 1 year

Text

Something worth more than this

A SAGAU Impostor AU Songfic

Song used: Peace and Love on the Planet Earth

So I'm not sure if you can tell but this is the songfic request i alluded to in the Not A Fan "Author End Notes". I'm planning to make this a two-parter considering the fact that my... i guess sort of "format(?)" , calls for me to only have one song per fic lol-- also because i, as i was mulling this over in my brain during the few days i couldnt write due to Life Circumstances, got a TONNNNN of ideas and have already made a bit of a whole perfect two parter story AHAHAH-- literally, the only part i fucked up in was which song to use first because i had two versions in my head. one that used Peace and Love first and another that used Mother Tongue first. I kinda just-- gave up on figuring out which song to use first and just looked at the request for the placement of the song lollll. I am still very sick as i write this so thats gonna be. Fun.

@jjovin321 this ones for you bud (no shit you requested it AHAHA--)

Blue for Barbara, Yellow/Gold for Zhongli, Green for Wanderer, Red for Diluc, Italics is Reader/General, Bold is Xiao, Combined is Everyone. Colors and effects only used for song parts mostly. Sometimes Italics will be used for emphasis and the like. Some lines will be altered slightly to better fit the story. Please read with this in mind.

---

"Hey, uhm... Li?" The man turns to you, a questioning look in his amber eyes. "Yes?"

Sheepish, you scratch your head. "This might be a weird ask but uhm..." What were you supposed to say to him? What can you even say to him?

You and your group were deep in the stone pillars and mountains that dotted Minlin, at risk from the Adepti that take residence in the area, but safe thanks to the fear and respect the people have thanks to these Adepti. You had suggested going through Huaguang Stone Forest thanks to its treacherous terrain that even your once-Vessels have trouble navigating, but Zhongli had pointed out the Adepti problem that you'd completely forgotten about.

You had tried to find a safer, and more Adepti-less route, but you all knew that the Millelith and the other Vessels would be crawling over every spot in Liyue they could cover. With that, you were forced to go to the belly of the beast.

Meaning, that because you were in such a highly dangerous area with not only the area itself being the problem, but also the beings residing in it, you shouldn't make these such... selfish requests. Hell, you were currently figuring out a way to go through Huaguang without gliding all over the place or swimming through the lakes that the stone pillars emerge from. Cloud Retainer or Mountain Shaper could just effortlessly pluck you out of the sky, and Ganyu could just freeze you to death underwater. You couldn't waste brainpower on such frivolous things.

But fuck-- you can't just tell them that 'oh hey guys, I'm really homesick and I constantly just wanna curl up into a ball and die! I miss everyone back home so much, please help me, it hurts so much!'

You had to stay strong. For you, and for them.

No-- no, you are strong. What you're trying to do is to just look strong and, god isn't that fucking hilarious? What use would looking strong be to these people? Wanderer watched you have a breakdown the first time you met because you ate his food, Barbara has seen you half dead way too many times for anyone to see anyone be half dead, Zhongli constantly throws you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes everytime you start getting chased, and Diluc was the one to teach you basic self defense which resulted in an ass beating everytime you spar.

These people, they've all seen you and each other at their lowest and weakest points. And they've never condemned any of you for being this way. It is, quite literally, just you and them against the world. So why feel ashamed to ask them of this one thing?

"Can you teach me how to use my powers?"

Their love and care and your complete and utter trust in them still won't stop you from trying to save at least a little bit of face though.

Zhongli takes a moment, cocking his head in thought. "Seeing as we're currently out of ideas on how to cross Huaguang without risk, or at least as little risk as we can afford... alright." He smiles a little to himself, old memories that you've never seen shining in his eyes. "Who knows, we may even find a way to cross safely as I teach you."

Your little group is currently situated in one of the hanging huts-- really, it was more of a little alcove that Zhongli carved out of one of the pillars. You still remember his pleased look as you watched him press his hand against the rock, and you gawked as the stone began to mold to his will. And now, that's what you're trying to recreate.

"Wait, wait, wait-- can you tell me that again one more time? I've been trying but, I'm not sure if I get it?"

Zhongli, as patient as a sage, nods and explains to you once again. "What I do when I mold and shape the earth is to connect with the Geo energy within it. As the earth is just Geo in a different form, I merely begin to impose my will upon it after the connection. It's--"

"Yes, yes, 'it's very similar to your own abilities to possess us as Vessels so maybe try to think of it more like that', we get it!" The Wanderer groans as he lounges at the lip of your alcove, disguised by a low hanging Sandbearer tree. His leg sways back and forth off the lip as he goes on. "At this point, I'm the one who's learning how to become the 'new Geo Archon' with how many times you ask him to repeat that."

"Bitch, the Avatar took 3 fucking seasons to learn fire bending! I have like-- 3 extra elements to learn here and I am literally just starting!"

The Wanderer merely gives you a side eye. "How long was the three seasons?"

"Like... 2 to 3 years? Maybe 4-ish?"

"How long have you been here?"

"...Couple months or so?"

He smiles.

"And how long did this 'Avatar' take to master each element?"

You feel yourself shrink. "Like... uh... couple months at most, I think."

His grin widens and he nods his head. "I rest my case."

"Hey, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?!"

"Now, calm down y/n," Zhongli starts, gripping your shoulder. "With enough time and guidance, you'll be able to handle Geo with the same ease as I do-- maybe more, considering your... special circumstances."

He brings your attention back to the rock you've been trying to bend for what feels like hours. "Maybe we should start with you. Because to me, it feels like you already understand the instructions and are capable of doing it. But, your way of going about it might be what's holding you back." He tilts his head. "What were you trying to do, y/n?"

You feel your face heat as you begin to squirm under his gaze. You take a breath, and sigh. "I... I wanted to make a guitar."

You had turned your eyes downwards to the rock, drawing spirals with your finger. "It's... It'd be nice to have something I can actually play." To have something of home. Even if its just a pale imitation of the one back there.

You feel his gaze soften as he comes closer. "Now... I think I see the problem here." Your own gaze doesn't lift, still staring at your twiddling fingers. "You sure?"

He hums. "Just a hunch, I suppose." He takes your hands and places them back on the rock. "I believe that... you were trying to meld the rock into a guitar but, were trying to do it all in one go."

You lift your head, Zhongli sounding like he had said these next few words millions of times before. "The shape you were conjuring is much too complex for someone of your skill level. But, that doesn't mean we can't make this."

He gestures back to the rock. "First off, simplify the shape of the item you're conjuring. Focus on the large main shapes. If I were trying to make a sculpture of a bird, then I would simplify it first into a small circle for the head, and then an oblong for the body."

You look back to the rock, connecting with its naturally occurring Geo energy. You take a calming breath and close your eyes to focus. "Then... if I were to simplify a guitar... it would be..."

You think back, way back to before you appeared here. Back to your normal life, with your friends and family. You think back on those afternoon jamming sessions with your friends as you'd sing and mess around and teach each other your instruments. You think back to the stories your father had told you, about wooing your mother with a serenade as he'd teach you one of the many songs he'd sing for you and for her.

You remember how you would tap, tap, tap on the guitar-- a makeshift drum as you jammed with friends. You remember the sting and the bite of the hard metal strings as your father taught you how to play a few songs. You remember playing the most basic of meme songs to troll your friends; loved ones leaving their own special marks on you and their guitars.

You smile as you think back to those happy memories way back then. "It would be... that weird sort of number 8 shape for the body..." You remember signing your name on the body of your friend's sticker covered guitar, and how you always gushed over how cool it looked. "...and the long-ass neck for the strings." You remember your father as he was stringing his guitar, how he always warned you to be careful with the E string as it was so thin and prone to snapping if tuned too tight.

You couldn't see it but Zhongli nods with a smile, watching you work. "Second, you add the larger details by redistributing the Geo around your structure. You could add more Geo by using the earth around you but, that's a lesson for another day. Now just focus on moving the Geo around. Back to my 'bird sculpture', I'd take some Geo energy from the main oblong body and move it to the head-- giving it eyes and a beak. I'd also slim the oblong body and make it more bird-like as I do so, moving the other extra Geo down to make feet."

You nod, trance-like as you dig deep in your memories.

The body would need to be hollowed of course, the extra Geo serving to fatten the neck a little and provide some detail to the head. Details like pegs, and tuners, and the little raised platform where the strings rested so they weren't completely flat on the fingerboard. And you can't forget about the frets, it wouldn't sound or feel right if you didn't have them.

You hum a little, the memories of old bringing a smile to your face. The pick guard needs to be a little below the soundhole-- afterall, that's where your hand'll hit when you start strumming. Speaking of strumming, the strings need a bridge to hold them down. Can't just have them attached to only the pegs or they'd be useless.

Zhongli chuckles, causing you to open your eyes. His smile is wide as he regards you with the softest expression, the corners of his eyes crinkling with pride. "Well... I was supposed to coach you on how to do some of the finer detail work but, it seems that I don't need to y/n." He nods at you, the rock in your hand feeling a little less like a rock.

You look down at it, and... "Oh my god. Oh, oh my god... Oh my god, Zhongli... I..."

There it was. An almost perfect copy of your friend's and family's guitar right in your hands. Actually, it would be more accurate to describe it as a fusion of the two instruments-- this guitar taking bits and pieces of the ones in your memories and bringing them to life here in Teyvat.

"Li... Li, I-- I'm so--" you take a deep, wet, shuddering breath. "I..." He merely brings you into a hug, you melting into his arms. "You did good. You did wonderfully, y/n."

You stay there together for a few moments, as you quietly fell apart in his arms. And with one final, shuddering breath, you pull away, looking up at him with a teary-eyed smile. "Thank... thank you, Li. I-- I wouldn't have done this without you." He huffs. "Only because I have an exceptional student."

You blush with praise as he inspects the guitar in your hands. You watch his eyes sparkle and widen, clearly impressed. "May I? Thank you." He lifts the guitar with your, admittedly, reluctant permission, careful fingers flitting about and checking over it. "I imagine that you want this to be a playable structure, yes? Because other than that, this is an impressive guitar structure."

He runs a finger across the strings, rock hard and immovable. "Honestly, the only thing you need to do is to change the composition of some of the material and it would be perfect! Of course, you'd most likely make adjustments to the thinness and thickness of the rock once you start hearing the sound, but overall-- this guitar is of exquisite make, y/n."

Zhongli hands you back your guitar. "I'm quite proud." You take it back, the blush slowly dying down on your face. "...Thanks."

Muscle memory overtakes your fingers as you press chords into the stone strings. The sting of your uncalloused fingers bringing bittersweet memories of your old life. "So... when will I learn to actually, ykno-- turn this into something playable?" "Oh, thats much too advanced for someone of your level, y/n."

The Wanderer bursts out laughing as you squawk in indignation. "WHAT THE FUCK?! That's directed to both of you by the way, but-- what the fuck?" "I'm merely saying that your control over Geo is impressive for someone who has, quite frankly, never done such a thing before. Even those with Visions could not have had that same sort of mastery at your level. But converting Geo into its other forms is a different beast than sculpting. You have to fundamentally change what form the Geo is currently taking-- much more different than moving it around with precision."

You hiss at Wanderer, who blows you a raspberry, as he keeps watch by the opening. Zhongli continues. "I as well, needed much time and practice to refine my control and ability over Geo and its many forms. I could adjust it for you but," He glances over to your silently fuming face, earlier so melancholic in its reminiscence. "I'm assuming you'd want to do it yourself. The next best thing if you want it now is to use the practice of alchemy to convert the sandstone into other materials. Alas, this is one of the few things I am not as knowledgeable on."

He glances to the rest of the team for help, who were peacefully just resting their tired arms and legs on a soft pile of leaves. Diluc speaks up from where he'd been using his folded coat as a pillow. "I've worked with the chief alchemist before on occasion and still remember those few moments where y/n used me to make 'character ascension' materials." He frowns in contemplation as he thinks back to those times.

"I remember that you'd be able to use the 'Dust of Azoth' to convert different kinds of pure, crystallized elemental energy into other elemental energy but, I'm not so sure if you'd be able to use it on... sandstone, you said?" Zhongli nods. "Yeah, there's a high likelihood of that not being able to happen. Dream Solvent is also a risky option, since it only works on 'boss drops' as y/n calls it."

"Well, they're dropped by bosses-- what else am I gonna call them?"

Barbara pipes up, chuckling at your remark. "The only other option I can think of is magic, but the only ones I know are mainly focused on Hydro and healing. But..." She trails off, twiddling her fingers from where she's using Diluc as a pillow. "If you're this proficient in just-- sculpting Geo, then maybe you'd also be that proficient in conversion too!" She suddenly turns sheepish as she scratches her head. "I mean... you are Overseer of Teyvat. There's no reason it wouldn't come easily to you."

"Yeah, its literally the entire reason we're wanted fugitives in every single corner of Teyvat." The entire mood of the alcove shifted as the Wanderer spoke, tone perfectly level as he sits on the edge; his back ramrod straight and legs still in the slowly blowing breeze. His voice is perfectly neutral, none of the usual snark or confidence or playful sass.

Something's wrong.

You kept your posture perfectly casual, fingers still playing with the stone strings of your guitar while in your head, you were scrolling through your weapons options to at least try and defend yourself from-- whatever it is that's alerted him. Everyone's doing something mostly the same, Barbara flipping through the pages of her Mappa Mare like it was just a regular atlas and not a weapon of mass destruction. Wanderer's fingers rapped on his bell, the movement making its clapper sway, its twinkling sounds deafeningly loud in your silence.

He kept his gaze forward, to the stones of Huaguang. Watching. Waiting.

Diluc casually laid a hand on his hip, as if it wasn't the perfect setup for a slash, and Zhongli merely poured himself a cup of tea, trusting in his power as Archon of the land.

Wanderer turns his head to the side and you see his eyes, casually taking in the beautiful scenery as if he wasn't looking for something. He begins to speak. "You know, it's rather pathetic for them to be chasing us down. Rather-- I think that its perfectly in character for them to do so. I mean," He shrugs with a scoff, cocky and insufferable. "are they that stupid as to not realize the differences between you and their 'Divine Excellency'?"

He's taunting them out.

You play along, the role of the 'Divine Deceiver' coming unnervingly easily to you. "Oh, please. They wouldn't recognize Lord Barbatos even if he descended with his godly form in their face. Oh wait--" The laugh that bursts out of your mouth is more of a cackle, the perfect lure.

And finally, the finishing blow-- "I... really didn't know, y/n. I'm sorry..."

Barbara, the perfect image of a confused girl who's lost her way.

"Oh, its alright Barbara," you coo, the whiplash from scheming cruelty to innocent dove almost certainly driving the hit home. "He was merely shirking his duties as the God of Mondstat! And for what? To get wasted every night at Angel's Share?" You scoot closer to her, Zhongli softly blowing on his steaming cup. "So, he's both a liar and an irresponsible god! But don't you worry Barbara, your Divine Overseer is here now." You let her take your hand and kiss it, the very image of reverence and worship.

Barbara nuzzles up to your hand, the tension almost palpable in the air as you all wait for the shoe to drop. Zhongli must've sensed your growing panic, speaking up into the silence. His eyes are soft as he talks. "Yes... thank you for your descent here to Teyvat, your grace." His face sombers, setting down his tea. "I've grown weak in my thousands of years of living, and have had to shirk my duties to my people just like that drunken fool."

He's done well to ease your panic, but it's only replaced by growing dread as he continues to talk. "I... I cannot thank you enough for forgiving me for my incompetence as Overseer of Liyue. I can only hope that my servitude to you will make up for that." Zhongli, whenever he plays his role, never quite lays it on this thick.

Though he's felt remorse and doubts when he stepped down from being the god of Liyue, he has never seen himself as incompetent or weak. He is, afterall, Morax the Warrior God and God of Contracts. Everything he does, he completes to absolute perfection. This self deprecation can only mean one thing.

Oh.

Oh, no.

It's Xiao.

A burst of black and green light-- Anemo energy, blinds almost everyone inside, Diluc and Wanderer still safe thanks to their positions. "Slander!" Xiao hisses. "This is slander and lies, Morax!" You claw at his arms as he grips you in a chokehold. "Do not listen to a single word that leaves this-- this charlatan's mouth!" Zhongli, if he wasn't already, sits straight up and his voice booms with a level of power and authority that none of you have ever heard before.

"Stand down, Xiao." This, this is Morax, the God of War himself speaking.

He summons his blade, the Primordial Jade Spear, and points the edge to your neck. Wanderer stands by the entrance, orbs of black Anemo in his palms and at the ready. Diluc is standing, the blinded Barbara behind him and Wolf's Gravestone at the ready. "Take it back."

You could almost feel the cool jade against your neck with how close its getting to you. "Take it all back Morax-- they're just lies that this vermin," Xiao practically spits the insult out like phlegm. "has wormed into your head." Morax's eyes narrow as he rises, his height making him tower over the Vigilant Yaksha.

"I will not repeat myself again. Stand down, General Alatus."

Xiao bristles, tightening his hold on both you and his spear. You choke as the already agitated yaksha fumes, blade and hand mere moments away from taking your life. He stands his ground against the sheer authority rolling off Morax in waves. "No. No, I will not stand down. I will not stand down, Grand Marshal!"

Morax's eyes narrow as he summons his own spear, the Vortex Vanquisher. "No. No, what I will do, Grand Marshal, is to take this impostor," he speaks the insult with such venom. "before the Divine Overseer's throne not because I want whatever reward they're offering-- no. I am doing this because this faker has clearly poisoned your mind, Morax!" He turns to the rest of the tiny cave. "They've poisoned all of your minds with their lies!"

"I am doing this for the good of Liyue, Rex. For the good of Teyvat!"

And for a moment, his rage ebbs into something like desperation. "Please, understand-- I am doing this for you, I am doing this because of my contract and my duty to protect and serve you and Liyue and the people. Please..."

His eyes soften with sorrow, Morax melting away back into Zhongli as you choke and gasp for air in Xiao's grip. "I am afraid that there are many things you do not yet understand, Alatus."

And Xiao's rage returns, climaxing into a roaring burst of Anemo energy.

"Disappear!" And he left just as he came, with a burst of black and green Anemo energy, Diluc and Wanderer stumbling as they had lunged after you to no avail.

You're currently high in the air above the stone pillars of Huaguang Stone Forest, Xiao having shed part of his human form to free the more beastial parts of his Adepti form-- A large and beautiful pair of dark green wings, shimmering golden in the sunlight. The sight of his wings would've been a wonder to look at as you flew through the sky, if you weren't currently hanging by his talons with his spear still pressed to your neck. The threat of death does certainly ruin the whole experience.

The pressure of the blade to your neck is light as you squirm. "Let me go, Xiao!" He tsks. "Believe me, I'd love to just let go of you and watch as you splatter against the rocks and erase your feeble mortal existence from this world. But, I'm going to present you, you impostor, to the Divine Overseer so that they may properly judge you for your blasphemy against them."

You squawk in fear and indignation. "I MEAN'T LIKE-- PUT ME DOWN SAFELY AND LEAVE ME ALONE?!" Another tsk. "Just keep your mouth shut lest I change my mind." You gasp in indignation. "You wouldn't dare!" You cling onto his talons anyways.

It seems like it was the correct decision, seeing as his grip loosened greatly. Xiao chuckles as you cling to him, fingers practically digging into his feet. "Normally, the suffering of the people is something I greatly despise. But, this does bring a smile to my face."

You squeak, the panic and fear festering in your heart finally fully showing itself. "Please-- please can't we just talk this out or something?!" He scoffs. "Like I'll listen to you and your saccharine lies and silver tongue." His grip tightens, enough to draw blood. You shout in pain as he continues. "I don't know what magicks you did or what words you said to them that-- that turned them all this way, but know this, deceiver."

It stings; the way he says your undeserved title, and the talons digging into your flesh. "It will stop now. You, and your lying, and scheming, and blaspheming-- It will all be paid for. With your life, with your blood-- with whatever the Divine Overseer sees fit. And when you are gone from this world, I will make sure that everything you've done-- everyone's minds you've poisoned, everyone that you've harmed-- I will be sure to make it all right again. Do you understand, you fake?!"

Yeah, okay-- you had to agree. The whole playing into your roles thing is really hurting all your reputations. But that's something to be worried about later, the intensity of the situation having reached its peak for you.

You're heaving-- gulping as much air into your lungs as you shake; trembling in his grip. Your heart's pounding, a rabbit-like pace, as you claw at his talons, babbling and begging. "Please-- please, let me go-- you, you don't understand Xiao, please! I can explain everything, please, god, don't kill me! Please, please, please!"

The floodgates break, tears and snot streaming down your face. "God-- fuck! I never even wanted to be here-- I never even to be like this! Fuck-- fuck! Xiao, please-- please, I just want to go home!"

Something changed inside him, with only the barest off-beat wing flap indicating the seed of doubt planted in his heart. He growls, deep and guttural and angry. "I won't listen to your lies. Not now, not ever."

But with the way you begged for your life... it didn't feel like a lie.

Unfortunately, the beginnings of his inner turmoil go unnoticed to you, the panic and fear reaching its climax. You needed to get away, you didn't want to die yet. You needed to go somewhere else-- anywhere else as long as you were safe and alive and away from him. Your mind instinctively goes to the nearest Waypoint, but the realization hits you as you were about to teleport away.

The Vessels know how the Waypoints work now. Thanks to you, those "strange, four pronged landmarks" became a source of fast-travel for the Vision-holders. The Vision-holders that were currently hunting you. Vision-holders that would be watching and waiting at those same Waypoints, waiting for you or any of your party to appear in a golden flash of light.

You would die if you teleport yourself away, the Vision-holders and the militia camping at those structures.

You would die if you resist Xiao's grip, falling to your death or slamming into one of the stone pillars that dot Huaguang.

You would die if you give up, your doppelganger most definitely looking to make you suffer as you breathe your last breaths.

All roads lead to your demise.

But-- no-- no, it cant be. You can't die just yet-- you can't just leave them behind like that. You can't just betray Wanderer, you can't hurt Barbara again, you can't let Diluc lose another loved one again, you can't let Zhongli lose the few remaining dredges of family he has left. And even though Teyvat would never, ever let you die-- not truly at least, dying hurts. Dying always hurt so much.

You have to live.

For you, your newfound family and friends, at least until you can find someway to-- to fix this. To fix everything.

You can't run away from this. Even if you wanted to.

You force yourself to calm down, slowing your breath and heart, but your mind still roiling with fear and anxiety. This is a do or die situation. What can you do? What can you do in this moment, with your feeble strength and abilities that won't end up in Xiao lobbing your head off, or falling to your death, or some other horrible ending to your fate?

You can surprise him-- Diluc and Zhongli had trained you with a sword when they could, Diluc's old Favonius Sword somehow both heavy and light in your hands in your short training sessions. But as soon as you'd bring out the blade, Xiao would probably slit your throat or drop you to force you to drop the sword.

Teleporting is out of the question, with each Waypoint practically swarming with bloodthirsty soldiers. What else, what else?!

You frantically look around Huaguang for something-- anything that could get you out of this. It's such a shame for Zhongli, he only wanted some peace and rest-- to live out the rest of his retirement in peace. But, unfortunately ever since you dropped into this world, he's not only hated and lambasted by his people, but also exposed as a god-- forever tarnishing him in their memory.

A touch of sorrow fills your heart, as Xiao flies you off. And to think-- he'd spent thousands and thousands of years protecting his people with his powers and spears, only for them to turn those same things against him. You still remember the sting as those spears and arrows rained down upon you and the group. And to think, he used to do the same to his enemies during the Archon War, just to protect Liyue and his people. You chuckle. How the tables have turned.

Wait... Spears... Archon War... Zhongli...

You have an idea.

Trusting Xiao to not let you go, you release your almost vice-like grip on his feet, looking out onto the stone pillars before you. You take a calming breath, calling onto Zhongli's teachings. The shiver that goes up your body is so much more different than the tremblings of fear you felt earlier, having connected with the pure Geo energy present within the pillars. You groan, this power filling and rushing within you overwhelming your senses. Is this what it feels like to be Zhongli?

Thinking back to earlier, when you had so effortlessly sculpted a stone guitar, you call out to the Geo energy in those pillars surrounding you-- each one of them answering in turn. You shiver, still unused to the surge of power inside you, Teyvat itself so willing and eager to answer your call. You impose your will onto the world around you, your wish deeply ingrained into each stone, each drop of water, and each blade of grass.

Save me.

Xiao, abruptly yanked out of his thoughts, stops mid-air as the pillars rumble and shake. "You dirty witch! What did you do?!" He flaps around frantically as the pillars begin to crumble and fall atop you. You gulp as you hang on to his claws, the two of you beginning to fall mid-air. "A trust exercise!"

Earlier...

"Dammit!" Wanderer shouts, as regains his balance. "Shit-- that damn adepti took them and just-- vanished!" He paces, grumbling as he tries toget his thoughts together. "Fuck-- Barbara, where's the nearest Waypoint? We might still be able to rush the soldiers if we get there now." "No, there's no need for that." Zhongli places a hand on Barbara's shoulder, who had frantically began paging her Mappa Mare.

"What do you mean there's no need for that-- He quite literally vanished! There's no other explanation for it than him going to a Waypoint!" He sighs, recalling his old memories. "Alatus, better known as the Adeptus Xiao, was once the mere hound of a god who had captured him. He was forced to do many horrible acts in that god's name, and was even made to eat the dreams of his victims."

The Wanderer crossed his arms. "And? What does his sob story have to do with y/n getting fucking kidnapped?" He ignored his rise, Zhongli continuing on. "Before I had freed him from his old master, before I bestowed upon him the name 'Xiao', he went by a different name. Alatus. This was because of what he was as an Illuminated Beast. Before he was Xiao, known as the Conquerer of Demons, efore he was Alatus, known as the Devourer of Dreams, he was known as Alatus, the Great Golden Winged. He was known for the beauty of his wings, and swiftness like no other."

"...Meaning that he used some sort of ancient adeptal magic to 'teleport' out of here?" Zhongli nodded at Diluc, who had regained his bearing. "Yes. There can be no other explanation." Wanderer speaks up. "And how are you so sure of that?" The once-Archon hummed as his eyes shone with Geo energy. Elemental Sight.

"There is a difference between Waypoint Teleportation and Xiao's Adeptal Teleportation. Whenever we use a Waypoint, we leave little to no elemental energy behind. On the off chance we do, the energy we leave behind is Null energy-- pure, unadulterated elemental energy that hasn't turned into one of the seven elements yet. It usually dissipates into whatever element is nearest to it, in most abundance, or most prominent. And the traces of Null energy are so miniscule that you'd miss it even if you're actively looking for it." Zhongli blinks away his elemental sight, gesturing to where Xiao and their Overseer once stood.

"This small area is condensed with Anemo energy, with trace amounts of Xiao's accumulated karma. He, therefore, cannot have used a Waypoint." Wanderer tch-ed, as everyone's eye's faded back into their regular shades. "Touché old man, touché."

"That's... fascinating but," Barbara had her Mappa Mare cracked open to the lands of Liyue, Minlin. "how are we supposed to track Xiao? We know that he's obviously taking them to the fake, and that y/n would do all they can to stop or at least delay him, but what path would he take?" She rubs her hands in worry. "Oh, we're surrounded by all sides with adepti! I'd know what paths and what distractions y/n would make but-- but what about Xiao? Would he fall for y/n's baiting and tricks? From earlier, it doesn't seem like he would and that any attempt y/n would make to slow him down wouldn't work..."

Diluc grumbles as he looks down onto the atlas. He sighs. "You know him best Li, we'll follow your lead." A nod.

"Alright. Wanderer, you have an Anemo Vision and you're the fastest out of all of us. Is there any chance you can use the residual Anemo energy to try and pin point his location? If not, do a close and general sweep of the area to try and figure out what direction he went. From there, you'll be our 'eye in the sky' as y/n would put it. You'll be the one guiding us to their location." He nods as he rushes where Xiao was, cupping his hands and filling them with Anemo.

"Barbara, seeing as you've spent the most time with y/n and have the added benefit of 'level 10 friendship', you'll be my advisor to whatever other variables and probabilities that they'd do or make for us. Like if they manage to somehow talk Xiao into putting them down, or if they shift into one of us to try to fight their way out." Another nod as she takes her place at his side.

Zhongli turns to the last of their group. "Diluc--" "Muscle?" A nod. "Apologies, old friend." He brushes it off. "It's alright. There's not much I can do here anyways." They exchange a nod as Zhongli kneels, pressing a hand into the rock. "I'll try to find them by communicating with the pillars or by the Geo signature of their stone guitar. They'd also unwittingly resonated with Geo earlier so this may be a little easier..."

Zhongli feels the Geo energy rush within him. He soaks it all in, feeling it fill up every part of him-- from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. He is positively thrumming with Geo, but no matter how much he takes in, it will never fill up the gaping hole left behind by the Gnosis. He pushes past that old ache, setting his eyes back on his objective.

When he speaks, every rock, every pebble, every boulder, every stone-- no matter how big or small or insignificant, all raise themselves in attention.

"Where is my god?"

The pebbles tumble and cry-- as the wind and waters move us to and fro, we do not know, oh, Lord of Geo.

The boulders rumble in their places-- as rain and time wear us down, we do not know, oh, Lord of Geo.

The grains of sand swirl and churn-- as the tides and the fish guide us 'round Teyvat, we do not know, oh, Lord of Geo.

The crystals gleam and shine-- as both adventurers and miners pick, pick, pick away at us, we do not know, oh, Lord of Geo.

Zhongli frowns, digging deeper and deeper within his connection with the earth. Deeper and deeper still, until he can find each speck of dust and soot by name. Until he can see his allies by the Geo energy emitted by the imperceptible dusting of earth on their bodies.

He speaks once more, urging the stones to sense their surrounding not just by the seismic sense that the natural world has on their forms but to open their eyes-- to see how their once-god saw the world around himself.

"Where is my god?"

The dirt in the breeze dances and twirls-- god, my god, rejoice! We have been graced by our Divine Overseer's touch!

The pure Geo energy shaped curiously like a person roils and churns-- god, my god, rejoice! We have been graced by our Divine Overseer's call!

The pillars shake with glee-- god, my god, rejoice! We have been graced by our Divine Overseer's will!

In the distance, Zhongli could both hear and feel the crumbling and collapsing of multiple of Huaguang's pillars. No-- rather, he himself were the crumbling pillars, stone stelai kneeling before their almighty god. He surfaces, weakening his connection and clearing his mind from the pure and unadulterated Geo that had overtaken him. Shaking away the desire to kowtow that he presumes is from the stone pillars (though he wouldn't be surprised if it came from deep buried instincts), Zhongli rouses to the image of the group waiting for him at the lip of their alcove.

Wanderer plays with a dark and karma tinted thread of Anemo. "I have a slight feeling I know exactly where y/n is."

You groan, having landed in a tangled feathery heap. You cough, waving away at the dust in the air as you try to take in your surroundings. Key word here being try, as you come to realize that the pillars had collapsed on top of you to perfectly form a small and yet sizable cavern. A cavern, mind you, with no light source.

You blindly grope around and wave your hands in the air. "Man, it'd sure be nice if I could see." And would you look at that? The next few random rocks you wildly flailed around at were bright, glowing ores of Cor Lapis, covered so heavily in dust and soot that you couldn't see their light. Perk of being god, you suppose.

After using the weak lights of the ores to find others to light up your tiny enclosure, you finally drink in your surroundings. It wasn't much really-- just some rocks, rocks, more rocks, Xiao laying bloody and bruised on the floor, couple more rocks...

"Oh shit-- Xiao!"

You rush to his side, cradling his head in your hands as he groaned in pain. You sucked in a breath, examining the rest of his body. It wasn't anything too major, thank goodness, but it was clear that when you landed, he took the brunt of the damage. You take a few breaths to calm down the rising panic in your chest. He might've wanted to skin you alive and turn you into a nice fur coat for that face-stealing copycat, but he doesn't have to die for it.

You dab away at the blood and dust beginning to cake his many wounds, Barbara's teachings echoing in the back of your mind.

He doesn't have to die. He doesn't know the truth.

You empty the small bottle of water into your now dirty cloth, wiping and cleaning away at the blood and grime on his body. A small frown forms as you stare at the heavily bleeding cut on his head. You know from Barbara's many lectures and the times you got really deep into Wikipedia articles at 3 am, that head wounds bleed heavily. When your head gets damaged, it bleeds much more compared to any other body part and that's normal. That's fine and okay.

But knowledge of things doesn't usually help irrational fears, as you turn his head to try and treat it. But you don't get much further than turning it to face you, as you are immediately met with the cold sting of metal on your neck. Xiao glares at you, gaze fierce but taut. "I don't know what you're playing at, but I assure you I won't fall for it."

You immediately freeze like a deer in headlights. "I wasn't trying to do anything!-- I mean I was, but it's nothing bad! I promise!" You and your hands are frozen still on the sides of his face as you watch his expression go through dozens of emotions you can't quite place. You'd love to look away, but the gentle pressure of the small dagger at your neck is quick to dissuade that idea.

After what feels like an eternity, he finally settles on a sort of neutral but piercing glare. "What were you trying to do then." Your gaze drops from his face, a red heat rising to your face. "There's a cut on your head. It's bleeding a lot and... and I got worried. I know head wounds do that, bleed a lot, but... but still. I got worried."

You could feel his gaze searching your slowly heating face. But you didn't care about that, eyes slowly drifting towards the blood and the wounds on his body. Fuck, couldn't you do anything right? If you took a different route like Nantianmen, or hadn't nagged the group for a break, or played into your rumors to tease him out or something, none of this would've ever happened. You wouldn't have gotten so close to dying multiple times, you wouldn't have almost killed Xiao when you begged Teyvat for help, you wouldn't have to complicate Zhongli's feelings with Xiao and the adepti and--

You take a breath, wet and slow.

And you wouldn't have your old guitar back. And you wouldn't have learned to at least control a tiny bit of your abilities. Wouldn't have given them the rest they so rightfully deserved and needed. Wouldn't have bantered or brought a smile to your friends faces.

In the end, there's no use to wondering and worrying about "what if"s and "could've been"s. The only thing you can do now is to make the best of what you've got.

A sharp hiss takes you out of your silent musing, Xiao attempting to sit up and failing. You barely register the lack of cold metal on your neck as you help him up, leaning him against the cavern wall. "Are, are you okay? I mean, you're obviously not-- you're fucking covered in blood, and bruises, and shit, but like-- you get what I mean yeah? Oh, speaking of!" You summon the first healing food that came to mind. Chicken Mushroom Skewers and a Sweet Madame. "I don't really have medical supplies but..."

You trail off, unsure if food having medicinal and magical healing properties is a normal thing. "...But I've found that having a full stomach helps?" Good save.

Xiao, whose mind has been roiling with confusion and contradictions and conflicting information this whole time, blinks at you in pained befuddlement. He clears his mind, or at least clears it as much as he can with a slight shake of his head. "It's... It's fine. Its just some mild bruising and minor injuries." Xiao stretches his wings in mild discomfort.

On a second thought, maybe those minor injuries weren't as minor as he thought, flinching hard at the pain that shot up his wing. Both of his wings. "Oh, shit! Are you okay?" "Don't touch me!" He slaps your hands away from where they were reaching out for his wings. Xiao scoots away from you, palming his dagger and glaring.

"Why are you suddenly acting like this?!" His Jade spear gleams in the soft light of the Cor Lapis, pointed at your neck. "Don't think your pretty words and silver tongue will worm its way into mind head and poison me like you did with Morax and the rest you've encountered!" The emotional whiplash and building conflict within him reached its breaking point. "Who-- What-- What is your plan here? Helping me and keeping me alive will only bring you more problems in the future! You have had ample opportunity to remove a potential-- not even potential, actual problem in, in whatever grand scheme or plan you have!"

He's heaving now, the roiling emotions in his chest taking over. "Unless you plan to have all of Teyvat in the palm of your hand, having us all grovel and cower like a dog at a table, begging for scraps. But-- but what was that?! Rex La-- Morax-- Zhongli would never topple the pillars of Huaguang like that! And seeing how precious you are to him, he'd never risk it at the chance of ending you."

He'd dismissed his weapon in the middle of his rant, burying his hands in his hair; the confusion and doubt clashing with the conflicting thoughts and emotions within him.

"But earlier-- no sane person would fall for the show you displayed earlier, so clearly scheming and conniving with your little group. So it was-- so it was a trap, bait for me to get in and--and... it was, it was bait-- a trap. A--A trap for me, I--"

It hurt. It hurt so much. He's so lost, so confused. Rex-- No, Zhongli. Zhongli was right. What was their goal here? What does he not understand?

He pulls at his hair, roaring in frustration.

Archons, he wants to understand. He wants to know what mysteries and truths are hidden from him yet. He wants to understand why he follows them, why those... supposedly brainwashed people were so eager to lay down their lives, why his Almighty Overseer had ordered this manhunt so easily and readily at the first rumor that this lookalike existed? Why his body aches and screams with pain as the seed of doubt begins to bloom in his chest?

It hurts. It hurts so much.

It's not supposed to hurt.

He clutches at his chest, the rising tide of emotions within him having empowered his age-old karmic debt. It claws and roils deep within his skin, the corruption reaching for his very being. He chokes, something burning, and inky, and tar-like deep in his throat, the feeling of drowning not far behind. Distantly, he hears himself screaming.

He claws at himself-- at his drowning neck, at his arms and legs bound in ancient burning rage and agony, at the many small wounds leaking both blood and a searing ancient hate. He claws at his back, at his wings-- wishing to tear them off so that their shining beauty and wonder may not be tainted by his eons of sins crawling up his spine. He can feel the karma reaching for them, a tiny and pure and clean part of himself that he had hidden from it so thoroughly until now.

"My-- My wings!--" He chokes, on air or karma or blood, he doesn't know. "Not-- not my wings!"

He feels gentle hands in his hair, pulling his head to rest on something warm and soft. Tears and spit covered his face. It had never hurt this bad before.

Your hands were shaking with panic as you brushed your fingers into his hair, having at least laid his head on a bit of folded fabric. "Sh, sh, sh," you cooed into his ear. "Just-- just breathe. Listen to my voice. Focus on my voice." Your voice cracked. "Please."

Xiao's head turns slightly to you, as he shook and writhed on the floor. He was delirious enough to listen to you. You gulp.

As you brush his hair and whisper sweet nothings into his tear and spit streaked face, you wracked your mind for-- for something-- anything that could help. You take a breath. Another. Panicking won't solve anything. But its hard not to. You feel him clutch your hand like a life line.

You remember... you remember an old voiceline-- Zhongli telling the traveler to deliver some painkillers to him. But-- no, that won't help right now. Zhongli isn't here, and you don't have the painkillers. Hell, you didn't even know how to make those painkillers. What else, what else...

Your eyes scanned the cavern, trying to find something that would spark an idea-- something that could help. Xiao whimpers in your arms. "Please... hurts... so much..." "I'm trying Xiao, just-- just hang on a little longer and you'll be okay, I promise." Come on, come on-- isn't there a character story or piece of lore that could help? Character story... lore...

You know what to do. You just weren't sure if it'd work.

You let go of him, resting his head back on the scrap of cloth you laid out for him. He whines in pain, reaching out for you but you let go of him nonetheless. "Sh, sh, sh... I'm here, I'm here, shhh... you'll be okay, it won't hurt anymore I promise."

You bring out your guitar, still more like a stone statuette than an actual guitar. You still weren't sure this was going to work, but it has to. It needs to. Its going to.

You take a breath, close your eyes, and call upon the Geo within you. Right now, this is just you and your guitar and your captive audience. No life-threatening dangers and prejudices, just you, and your music, and your avid listener.

You strum your hands across the strings.

"Do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do,"

The notes ring out inside the cavern, the Cor Lapis almost pulsing with the sound.

"Do-mi-so-do,"

Despite the grim situation, you couldn't help the smile that creeps onto your face. You brush your hands onto the strings once more.

"Isn't it pretty?"

The ores seem to shine brighter in response. Your voice changes to match the next line.

"...how exceedingly simple."

Memories of an old but beloved show fill your mind.

"Do-mi-so-ti,"

Xiao's labored breathing slows.

"We're making music!"

Another strum.

"What is the point?"

You couldn't help the sudden beaming smile on your worn and worried face at his words. His breathing is still heavy, curling up into himself in pain.

"You're not-- making anything."

You could almost see it, back on your couch watching the show as this not so exact scene plays out on screen.

"Well, if it isn't anything, then why does it sound so good?"

He breathes, long, and hard, and deep; the pain is slowly subsiding from his body.

"I suppose its just interest,"

He ignores the tiny voice in his head, reminding him of the first time a god had calmed the karma within him.

"Do-mi-so-do,"

You keep playing the simple tune, memories of acting out certain scenes and songs with friends rising from the depths of your mind.

"Devoid of substance or purpose, a hypothetical pattern,"

Xiao lays there, still curled up on the floor.

"Do-mi-so-ti,"

He lays a wing over himself.

"For the satisfaction of bringing it to completion."

Xiao blinks. The weight of the karma on his chest is gone.

"Sure."

You try to remember the rest of the chords to the song, playing a little with the fingering.

"Do-mi-so-ti."

He tightens his curled position.

"Interest without meaning?"

Even the small pains from his scratches and bruises have faded.

"Solutions without problems?"

Despite the turmoil building up once again within him, you keep strumming at your guitar.

"And then you just add words!"

The words flow from your mouth easily, having sung this song thousands of times in a different life.

"Here's what I've been working on."

Xiao watches as your fingers skillfully fly on the guitar as you take a breath to sing.

"Life and death and love and birth,"

Oddly enough...

"And peace and war on the planet Earth."

Despite all the turmoil and confusion...

"Is there anything that's worth more,"

And his Overseer's warning to not fall for this impostor's trickery...

"Than peace and love on the planet Earth? Ooh-woah,"

He feels at ease with you.

"Come on and sing it with me!"

You were genuinely offering, despite it being the actual lyrics.

"Sing?"

Xiao raises an eyebrow, choosing to sort out... everything later.

"The words relate to the key,"

You smile, both to him and to yourself. No wonder your first Vessel was the Traveler.

"Key?"

You lean back, fingers still strumming on the strings of your guitar.

"If its a pattern, if its a pattern, then just repeat after me!"

You were just so full of love and wonder for this world. Steadfast, and strong-willed, and even willing to break bread, or in this case share a song, with a sworn enemy.

Life and death and love and birth,

Zhongli couldn't help but break into a small grin, the rocks and stones singing to him in your voice. With a small nudge to the Geo around him, they sung louder, loud enough for the group to hear.

Life and death and love and birth,

"Is that guy... singing along?!" Diluc huffed from where he was being carried by the Wanderer. "...yeah, okay, at this point I probably shouldn't be surprised anymore."

Now you sing mi-fa-mi-mi-fa-mi-ti-la,

Barbara cradled a singing rock in her hands from where she sat upon Zhongli's dust cloud. "...I think it's selfish of me to want to hoard them all to ourselves and just travel Teyvat like this."

And peace and war on the planet Earth!

Zhongli watches as his Memory of Dust endlessly locked and unlocked itself, using it to pilot the dust cloud they're to their destination. He stares ahead as she continues her musing. "...And I think y/n feels the same way too."

You clap with glee as he sings along.

"Yes, yes, that's it!"

Xiao scoffs, tentatively sitting up. He shoots you a look when he sees the flash of worry on your face.

"That's so easy."

You focus back on your playing, glad that it helped. You can already tell that you're gonna have a crazy freakout session after... all of this.

"Yeah, but that's what's fun about it,"

Your fingers flowed with ease on the strings, a perfect replica of the ones you have back home where they were once just stone. You have a feeling you're gonna go ballistic about this too.

"You should write something, you should write a song!"

Just like earlier, despite the suggestion being literally lyrics the in the song, you're genuinely asking.

"About what?"

You couldn't help but giggle to yourself at the curious but eager lilt in his voice.

"Whatever your thinking!"

You watch as a look takes over his face for a moment. He steels himself and sighs. Singing always helps release some pent-up emotions in your experience, so for someone with a special relationship with them like Xiao, it must be a huge relief.

He opens his mouth to sing.

I guess we're already here,

Zhongli watches as the Wanderer and Diluc finally reach them, a perfectly shaped dome in the middle of all this rubble and destruction.

I guess we already know,

Backing up to gain some momentum, Wanderer suddenly zooms forward and throws Diluc at the geode they're about to crack open.

We've all got something to fear,

Speeding like a bullet, he throws back his claymore and with a mighty scream and a mighty heft, he is set alight by Dawn. "Your verdict is--!"

We've all got nowhere to go,

The geode is sliced open, Dawn dancing and rising up into the sky. Zhongli waves his hand, his Memory pulsing with light, and the cut-off lid is caught by almost spiderweb-like threads of pure Geo.

There was nothing Xiao could do as the two of them were rushed by a sudden burst of Hydro and Anemo energy, the resulting Swirl preventing him from doing anything.

I think you're all insane,

You're whisked off into the Wanderer's arms, both of you zipping up high into the sky where the rest of your ragtag team is waiting upon Zhongli's dust cloud.

But I guess I am too,

Wanderer nods at him but before anything happens, you raise your hand. "Its fine. You don't have to do anything." The four of them share a look. "I have a feeling he won't follow us outta here."

Anybody would be if they were stuck in Teyvat with you.

After a beat of silence, they relent. The dust cloud churns as Zhongli takes you and the gang far and away from here. "Your 'feelings' have never failed us before." The Wanderer groans as he tilts his head back in annoyance. "And it shouldn't fuckin' start now, asshole. Do you even have any idea the hassle we have to do just to get you every time you get kidnapped?!"

You chuckle, fluent in the Wanderer's special type of emotionally constipated way of speaking. "Thank you for caring Wanderer. And I'm sorry for worrying you." You turn to the rest of the group. "All of you. I... I really am." The Wanderer merely scoffs and looks away. Diluc nods and says, "It's alright. Just... do try to not worry us too much next time yeah?" You smile. Despite it all, you smile.

"Ahahaha, yeah!"

Barbara tackles you in a tight hug. You eagerly reciprocate.

Life and death and love and birth and,

"I hadn't realized until now-- are the rocks singing?!" Zhongli, having sat down with his legs crossed, hands you a pebble. "It was the fastest way we confirmed you're alright."

Life and death and love and birth and,

"I know I should be used to it at this point with all the wacky-ass shit we encounter, but I'm still not over you making the 'Guardian Yaksha' sing!" Wanderer exclaims. You giggle, a memory popping up as fresh as day. "Well, it didn't take me much you get you to sing. And on our first meeting too!"

Life and death and love and birth and,

The two of you bicker as Barbara tries to mediate and Zhongli focuses back on whisking you all away. Diluc looks down at the destruction they caused in Huaguang, the cut open cavern of your geode like a glittering clamshell in the afternoon sun. He could barely make out Xiao's silhouette amidst all the Cor Lapis and Crystal Ore.

Peace and war on the planet Earth.

Satisfied that he wouldn't and/or couldn't follow them, Diluc turns back to the rest of you, the bickering having turned into friendly playfighting and banter. He looks at you and notices something amiss. He chuckles, getting everyones attention. "We went through all of that for your guitar, and you didn't even manage to save it." "Oh, no no no, I have it right here!" With a flash of light, you summon your guitar. It's looking awfully like the zither you bought at Liyue. "...Goddammit."

Is there anything that's worth more?

Xiao would like to say that you'd all left him in a daze when you ambushed him, but really... He'd been caught up in your words. Your song. Too caught up in the things that happened to him during your song.

Is there anything that's worth more?

Still in disbelief of his now unblemished and uninjured form, he goes over to your... stringed instrument. A guitar, his mind supplies, having remembered watching that fiery one's "rock and roll" concert after realizing that the strange activity he saw was just her and her people setting up a small venue.

Is there anything that's worth more?

He runs his finger across the strings, simple notes coming up to greet his ears. He shouldn't be surprised, songs are merely the beautiful weavings of simple notes coming together. Not unlike his once-Grand Marshal's battle tactics coming to fruition. Not unlike your schemes that his Divine Overseer claims you have.

Xiao turns his gaze to the skies, the cloud of dust you all so quickly arrived in now long gone.

Than peace and love on the planet Earth?

He does not follow.

---

AAAAAAAAND DONE! oh my fucking god this took forever to write IKLRHeSTgHEKRGJK-- literally took me a year or so to finish AHJAHAHA Honestly the real struggle here was finding the time to write since like-- i already had the whole story in my head, i just needed to translate it into words.

Well... not really? It was more like i had a guideline for how i wanted this to go, its just that when i started writing thats when i put in the details lol

also there's some parts there that i think like... drag a little aka the part where y/n is panicking and trying to think of a solution for the problem-- i wanted it to take a while and for y/n to form a thought process that ended in the natural conclusion of figuring out a solution to their problem. Id LIKE to think i did p well at that part but like im not too sureeeeeeeee

also-- THE AMOUNT OF SET UP JUST TO GET TO THE SONG PART-- THE SONG IS BARELY EVEN PART OF THE STORY AHAHAHHAHAHAHA-- now that, im COMPLETELY UNAPOLOGETIC FOR AHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

oh yeah-- i already said this before but there is gonna be a rough-ish timeline for the Playlist so if i ever write a fic where y/n cant do this but in the other fic can do it-- just trust me theres a timeline, its probably before the event that made y/n able to do it lol

id add more a/ns but like-- my brain is mush and i can finally publish this so im gonna stop here. oh right-- i did mention this is gonna be a two parter, so the next part in this will be the immediate aftermath, exploring Xiao's POV of the situation and his thoughts. I wanna say that itll be short but uh. Considering my track record, thats not gonna happen. thanks for reading yall :))

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riahlynn101 · 5 months

Text

Dad December - Day Seven: "Blizzard."

*A rare dadmight one shot from me :D!!

Summary: A snowball fight turns sour when All Might gives Izuku a concussion.

word count: 1,286

@daddecember

It’s a few days into Christmas break. A blizzard hit last night, leaving the ground covered in a thick layer of snow, blanketing everything in sight. Almost everyone in class 1-A has gone home. Everyone except Izuku, who’s on lockdown because of All for One and Shigaraki.

Thankfully, he’s allowed to go home from Christmas Eve to Christmas Day, provided All Might comes with him. But that’s a thin comfort when he’s forced to endure the brunt of the break alone.

At least he has All Might, Eri, and Mr. Aizawa.

His mentor and him stand across from each other. They eye one another. Izuku’s fingers twitch. He only has one shot at this. If he messes up….

Izuku pulls his arm back, and using a touch of One for All’s power, slings the snowball at All Might.

“Oh, it’s on!” His mentor shouts, dodging to the side.

Eri and Mr. Aizawa are taking a nap, so All Might’s in charge of watching him. Though, Izuku hates the term. It feels like he’s a little kid again, with none of the benefits of actually being a child. He knows the adults ordered the extra protection to keep him safe, but…..

Izuku lunges to the ground, rolling out of the way. He gets a faceful of snow for his efforts, but none of All Might’s hits land.

He shakes the snow off his face. That was too close. He can’t afford to lose focus. His mentor is the best of the best. All Might didn’t stay number one for decades by being mediocre.

Heavy footfalls approach him from behind. Frantically, Izuku grabs fistfuls of snow. The cold has started to seep into his gloves-the gloves his mother lovingly knitted and gifted him last Christmas-numbing his fingertips.

The footsteps stop. Before Izuku can say or do anything, a tightly packed snowball is lugged at his head. It feels heavier than a balled-up pile of snow, and Izuku hears a thud after it lands. Pain radiates from the back of his skull all the way down to his spinal cord.

Izuku falls face first into the snow. His face hurts from the cold, but his head hurts more.

All Might stands above him, laughing goodnaturedly. A large hand wipes the excess snow off Izuku’s jacket. “My boy?” He asks, voice as reassuring as always. Even in immense amounts of pain, Izuku can’t help his inner fanboy from freaking out. He still can’t get over that All Might- the All Might-calls him-plain old, useless, Deku-“my boy.”

“M’ h’d hur’s,” Izuku says, words muffled and slurred.

In a blink of an eye, Izuku is lifted out of the snow. All Might puts him on his own two feet, steadying him with his hands on Izuku’s shoulders.

The world is moving too fast for Izuku to comprehend the worried, almost frantic questions that his mentor is throwing at him. He blinks slowly, trying to think through the pain.

(C’mon, Izuku, you’ve been through worse. No way a small hit to the back of the head-with snow of all things-is going to be the thing that takes you down.)

Izuku forces himself to smile.

“Young Midoriya, you don’t look well. I should take you to the infirmary.”

Nausea wells up in Izuku. He feels off balanced, untethered. But his need to reassure those around him superseeds his need to pass out. He smiles again, giving All Might a thumbs-up for good measure.

“‘m fine, Allll Mighttt. Jus’ need to si-” Izuku falls straight into All Might’s arms.

-x-x-x-

When he comes to, staring at the tiled ceiling of the infirmary (a place he’s come to see as a third home of sorts), All Might is sitting next to his bedside. Seeing that Izuku’s awake, All Might gives him a smile. But the worried, slightly panicked look in his eyes gives him away.

“How are you feeling?”

“Good.” He rubs the back of his head. “A little sore. What happened?”

All Might shifts in his seat.

Recovery Girl answers for him. “Mister Plus Ultra over here went a little too beyond and gave you a concussion.” Even though her words aren’t directed at Izuku, he still cringes back. “Having a snowball fight,” she sighs, exasperated. “Of all things to get injured doing.”

Izuku and All Might both bow their heads, ashamed (and a little afraid of the little old lady scolding them).

“Well…what’s done is done. And I’m just glad it’s not more broken bones.” She turns her full attention to Izuku. “Now, you. Take some Tylenol and rest up. All Might or Aizawa will wake you up every three hours to make sure you’re still breathing. My quirk healed most of the injury, but there might still be some tenderness.”

Izuku laughs nervously. “I’m not dying, right?” He looks at his mentor.

“Of course not. Just routine, and it’s the least that one over there can do.” She points her cane at All Might. “One last thing before I release you.”

“Yeah?”

“Please, be careful. The last thing I want is for you to miss going home, because you two decided that sticking a fork in an outlet was a good idea.”

“Okay, sorry.”

“Sorry,” All Might echoes. “I’ll be more careful next time.”

“No.” Recovery Girl gives them a stern look. She points her cane at Izuku and then at All Might. “No more snowball fights until after Christmas. I’m going to be off campus for the next week. So, I need you two to be on your best behavior.”

They nod.

-x-x-x-

When Izuku is finally excused, All Might gives him a piggyback ride to the dorms. He can tell the man feels really bad about giving him a concussion and tries his best to make All Might feel better about the whole thing.

“It didn’t really hurt that bad,” Izuku says, holding tightly to his mentor. “I’m pretty sure Kacchan’s hit me worse.”

All Might pauses. “What?”

“Ah…I mean, I’m just saying I’ve been hit in the head harder than that. Kind of funny that all it took to get a concussion was some snow. Right?” He laughs, but All Might doesn’t laugh along.

He continues to the dorms, oddly quiet.

“All Might? Are you okay?” He asks once they reach the dorms. His mentor gently shrugs Izuku off his back.

“Yeah, sorry. It’s been a long day.”

Izuku studies him. He might not be the most intelligent, strong, or cunning. But he does know when someone’s hurting. “You know, I was really dreading this break. With everyone being gone and the threat of war hanging over our heads, but you found a way to make it fun. I…didn’t feel as homesick as I expected. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, thank you.” He smiles at the ground.

Strong arms bring him into a hug. All Might squeezes him tight. A dopey smile on his face. He pulls away but places his hands on Izuku’s shoulders. “I know how lonely the holidays can get. Back then, we didn’t have dorms. But I can recall overhearing my classmates’ plans for Christmas, and knowing that no matter how hard I work, nothing would bring my family back.”

“Where did you go?”

“I lived with Nana for a majority of my time at U.A. But the point I’m getting at is that I understand how lonely you must feel right now. This arrangement really isn’t fair to you.”

“I’m just thankful we can go home for Christmas Eve.” All Might’s eyes widen, and for a second Izuku thinks he overstepped. But then All Might smiles at him, bringing him in for another tight squeeze.

“Me too, kid. Me too.”

#daddecember #daddecember2023 #sfw #cross posted on ao3 #mha all might #dadmight #midoriya izuku #no.7 #blizzard

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bl3upi3 · 1 year

Text

Don't play with fire (chapter 3)

[Lo'ak x OC]

[prev] [next]

DISCLAIMER: This Avatar fan fiction is made only with the help of my imagination. I wanted to imagine a story that would take place in Avatar 3 so after "the way of water". I read that this movie would be about fire people, so I tried to imagine this clan with the information found on interenet. In this fan fiction Lo'ak is 18 years old and everything that is said about "The Ash People" in this book was invented and was not certified by James Cameron. English is not my first language so sorry if I don't know some of the words, please be indulgent, I might edit this story once I finish. I still hope you will like it.

Summary: One year after the events in the Reefs, the Sully family decides to move again, to a new clan said to be able to bring the dead back to life. What happens when Lo'ak meets the princess of the volcanoes? Him who was already promised to the Metkayina princess finds himself in a strange situation when he falls for another girl.

Today I had the responsibility to occupy the youngest because the girl who had to take care of them was on a hunting mission for the day. As the Sully's had just arrived I decided to go to their house to propose to Tuktirey and Kiri to participate in the activity. I entered their tent and saw Neytiri sitting on the floor sharpening her arrows.

" Hi Neytiri " I spoke as I entered.

She raised her head and a smile came to her lips when she saw me "Hello Äära".

"I just came here to see if Tuk and Kiri wanted to join us for the morning activity" I walked up to the woman who looked up at me.

"That's very nice Äära, they are with Lo'ak and Spider they will be here soon" she turned her head slightly to the side and gave me a smile.

"Do you mind if I wait for them here?" I asked.

"No problem" I sat down next to her "I know you didn't want us to stay but I need some answers" she continued

"We are here to help you but nothing is certain. I understand how you feel, losing a child is not easy, my mother went through the same thing but I know it's not the same thing.

"It's the same thing, a child is a child, a mother would do anything for her children you know" she placed her hand on my knee smiling at me I could see she was trying to hold back her tears.

"I know, I just want to say that my mother is dealing with a lot emotionally and it will take time for her to contact Neteyam. What you're asking of her is taking a lot of energy that's weakening her, if she loses this baby she'll be destroyed. She has been trying for so long, this baby is a miracle..." tears came to my eyes.

Neytiri looked at me with so much sadness on her face and squeezed her hand on my leg

"I understand, take as much time as you need.

Footsteps approached and a flock of children entered the tent as Neytiri and I stood up. Lo'ak was talking to Spider and stopped when he saw me there with his mother.

"Hi, Kiri, Tuk we're going to make necklaces with the village children I was wondering if you wanted to join us" my gaze slowly left Lo'ak and turned to his sisters.

"I'm sorry, I'm tired" Kiri sighed and left while Tuk jumped and clapped her hands "Yes please".

"We can replace Kiri" Lo'ak spoke.

"It's for kids Lo'ak" I rolled my eyes.

"I mean did you get a good look at us?" he pointed between him and Spider who didn't speak but let himself get caught up in his bullshit "A little help wouldn't hurt you".

I kept my composure and looked at Neytiri next to me, "Okay, but make yourself small," I let out.

The boys and Tuk came out of the tent, Neytiri put her hand on my shoulder "Thank you, feel free to come and see me if you want to talk" she said before I left the tent and joined the others

I walked to the children's corner and the Sully's sat down among the other children even if many of them were afraid of Spider or others were curious.

" Calm down " I said, waving my hand to calm the children and then I sat down next to Tuk and we started to make necklaces. I took the thread and started to string the beads "Are you going to make a necklace for you?" I asked the little girl who was concentrating on stringing the beads, it was cute how she stuck her tongue out when she was focused.

"It's for my mom" she finally said as she managed to get the bead through.

I turned around to watch the two boys and to my surprise they were both very focused on their products. I finished my necklace and went to help the children who were having a little trouble with the knot to close it.

"I didn't know you could do anything with those four fingers" I joked.

" Aha " Spider pretended to laugh.

"You're jealous that our necklaces are more nice than yours" Lo'ak said as he watched me sit next to them.

"Hey Tuk come here" I called to the little girl and patted in front of me so that she would sit down "this necklace is for you" I said as I slipped it around her neck.

"What do you think of it boys?" she asked her brothers.

" Really beautiful " they both said at the same time, I tried to hide my satisfied smile but Lo'ak looked at me with bored eyes.

"Thank you Äära" Tuk rolled to her feet and hopped to her tent.

"She's such a cry baby, if we would have said it was ugly she would have cried and we would have been yelled at" he added.

"Who did you make the necklace for?" I said as I looked at their hands holding the jewelry.

"I thought of Kiri" Spider began, I curled my mouth in discomfort, I turned my gaze to the other boy who had made the same face as me.

"Anyway, what about you Lo'ak?" I asked, he looked at me and lowered his gaze shortly after.

"It's...for me."

I nodded and was called by a tap on my shoulder. I turned around, Loazu, Aysär's sister, was standing in front of me with her hands behind her back. "Can you braid my hair?" she asked in a soft voice.

"I can braid your hair" Lo'ak announced behind me.

"He doesn't know how to braid" I rolled my eyes again and spoke loud enough for him to hear me.

"You can teach him" the little girl said with anticipation.

"Yeah you can teach me" he added, I kept smiling at the little girl even though inside I wanted to kill Lo'ak.

"Sit down in front of me" I said to Loazu before turning around, the boys came closer to watch.

"You're so annoying" I whispered to Lo'ak before starting to braid the girl's hair.

I made the movements slowly so they would understand more easily, I looked to my right and saw Spider focused, it was one of the few times I didn't want to rip him apart. I didn't even have to turn my head the other way to feel Lo'ak's gaze on me, he hadn't even listened for a second.

"It's your turn Lo'ak" I let go of Loazu's hair and switched places with the boy on my right.

I watched him do it and with surprise he succeeded on the first try, I knew he already knew how to do it, I should have known, he lives with three girls. I couldn't help but smile as I saw his tongue stick out of his mouth, just like Tuk. He must have sensed that I was looking at him and not his hands, he turned his head towards me and I dropped my smile directly, I couldn't let him see that I was being soft.

For a moment we looked at each other before I broke the awkwardness "Your turn Spider" I let out without letting go of the eye contact.

The boys exchanged places and Spider began to braid her hair, I could see that he was struggling more than Lo'ak even if I must admit he was doing well.

"Ok it's over" I say once we are finished with her hair "I should take you home" I say to the little girl.

"See you later" I heard Lo'ak say behind me.

I took Laozu to her tent and her brother came out of it to greet me.

"Hi beautiful" Aysär spoke as his sister passed by him and entered the tent.

"Hi" a smile appeared on my lips as I saw him towering over me.

"Next time don't let those monsters touch my sister" he said softly, mentioning where Lo'ak and Spider were.

I lost my smile, he still needed to be an asshole "Aysär you'll have to get used to it, they'll stay longer than expected" I said.

"You know what bothers me the most that three fingered bitch is trying to get in your pants" he said his jealousy could be felt in his words.

"You're serious, you know we're going to be mate why are you worried about this" I said raising my eyebrows and nodding delicately.

"Because you are falling for it" he put his head close to mine.

"Don't be stupid" I place my hand on his jaw looking deep into his eyes.

"So let's bond tonight" he placed his hands on my hips.

I dropped my head "You know I can't" I removed my hand from his face.

"Why?" he pulled one of his hands away and placed it on my chin so I could look at him.

"I'm not ready and you know that now is not the right time.

"You'll always find an excuse" he huffed as he let go of me.

"Aysär..." I called his name but it was too late, he had already turned around and entered his tent.

I didn't waste any time and went home.

"Hello mother", my mother was sitting on the floor cooking tonight's meal, I hugged her from behind, I wrapped my arms around her neck.

"Hello my beautiful daughter," she put her hand on my arm and turned her head to look at me, "How was your day?"

" Well, how about you? " I let go of her and sat down next to her, and she quickly went back to her business. I picked up a fish next to her that the fishing group had brought in earlier in the day and began to cut it.

"Very good, Jake Sully is learning fast, I think within a week he could pass the ritual to be one of us" she replied not even looking up from what she was doing.

"Really, do you want him to stay?" I stop to look at her.

"Yes, we really need someone like him here, you could also teach his son to be a warrior".

"Mom! You know we can't bring Neteyam back, if he finds out afterwards they will be angry, they won't stay" I say with urge, she knows what she is risking.

"Let me take care of it, my daughter, and in the meantime behave yourself with their children".

I rolled my eyes and went back to cutting the fish and putting it in a sheet to cook.

A few hours later my father joined us and we ate our dinner. After that I went to the separate part of our tent where I had a room to myself. My bed was a hanging hammock so I wouldn't get too hot near the ground. I spread the fabric a bit to be able to slip into it and found in it a piece of jewelry, more exactly a necklace. I looked at it more closely and recognized the necklace that Lo'ak had made earlier in the day. I couldn't help but smile when I saw the gift.

A/N: I thought this chapter was good but I just feel like it's crap. Don't forget to like and reblog it's what motivates me the most. I'd like to know how you feel about this fanfic so far, it could help me improve some things. I'm sorry if there is any mistakes.

*tag list*

@sakura-onesan @maraudersrry @max-xie @lovergirl-3000 @p4nd0r4s @bammtoli @w3ird11 @max-xie i can't tag some people idk why !

#avatar twow #avatar the way of water #atwow #avatar #avatar 2 #way of water #lo'ak fanfiction #lo'ak imagine #lo'ak x reader #sully family #neteyam #neytiri #tuktirey #jake sully #fanfiction #fanfic #avatar movie

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kiegotakami · 2 years

Text

A Shining Light For Everyone: A Study on Purpose, Moving Forward, and Unity Explored Through Hawks and His Relationships

For reasons that can only be found in my love for this character, I was inspired to write this essay after receiving this ask. I’ve been writing for a few months, the majority of it having been written prior to Chapter 354 being released, and all of it written before the release of Chapter 356. It matters as far as predictions go, but this is an analysis of more than that.

One of the clearest lessons in the story is of the effect that unity can have. From the rescue of Bakugo, to the Yakuza, to the Meta Liberation Army, to the League of Villains, and to One For All. It's Hawks himself who said, "One For All... is a network of power that links people's hearts. It tied All Might... to Midoriya. Then Class A kept Midoriya in the game. And Uravity... linked these people to Midoriya. If everyone... if all of us... are even a little bit capable... of seeing each other as united as one, then... I see a future where heroes have time to kill." They have to unite in order for them to win, for the future to be better. Such understanding is interesting coming from someone who has been avoiding all contact with the person who saved his life, right? It's not like it's a moot point in the story since we see Tokoyami complain about being ignored by Hawks multiple times, which is also a running theme in their relationship. So what is that about? And why is it significant that Hawks is ignoring this kid he happened to mentor while he’s much too busy helping in any way he can after Japan was devastated by destruction?

Hawks did make a joke and tell Tokoyami he chose him in order to gather intel on the LOV. However, Hawks later explained during the work study that while he wasn’t “much for training the next generation, or whatever,” he also wanted to see Tokoyami reach his potential because he could relate to him.

In a similar vein, as Endeavor fought the High End, Hawks thought amid the action, “I was watching you this whole time. I get it. There was nobody else out there... really trying to surpass [All Might]. Only you! You were the one working to surpass him!” He understood and admired Endeavor’s drive.

Even when Hawks was infiltrating the PLF, he understood that Twice had been dealt bad hand after bad hand, that he was a genuinely good person who wanted to be helpful. He was another person Hawks built a relationship with and could relate to.

So what makes Hawks extend a hand toward these people? What shaped him into the kind of hero he’s become?

Keigo Takami was born to broken people. They considered him a burden and let him know it. However, one act of reluctant kindness from his mother gave him something to hold onto: hope. Through every verbal and physical attack from his father. Through being forced to live in a shack, forced to stay hidden. Through homelessness. Through his mother questioning his worth... he had hope.

When his father was arrested by Endeavor, Keigo finally saw proof that things could change for the better. His father couldn’t hurt him or his mother anymore. And it didn’t stop there! The HPSC ended up finding him on the street, giving him a chance to avoid his parent’s fate. He wouldn’t be broken. He wouldn’t be worthless. He could help people. He could become a hero.

They named him Hawks, and Hawks would be fast enough to save anyone in need before it was too late, just like how he was saved. Heroes could enjoy freedom because everyone would already be saved.

Hawks sees potential in everyone. His optimism is born of the hope he had to maintain for himself in order to survive, in order to not follow in his parent’s footsteps. Not everyone can manage that. Like Lady Nagant said to him, “My soul couldn’t take any more... so how... do you still have that look in your eye?” He truly believes that things can get better, that people can do better if they want to, and that they should be given the chance to do so. When he sees that desire—that drive—in others, he lifts them up.

Hawks knew that Tokoyami was capable of greater things, but he needed Tokoyami to show him that he had the determination to keep up and learn. Once he did that, Hawks made more of an effort to show Tokoyami that he could see his potential.

Hawks and Twice kindled a friendship despite Hawks being a spy. Hawks failed at getting Twice to back down for several reasons, but a major one was that Twice had finally found a place to belong with people who accepted and even depended on him. As someone who found his purpose through helping others, Hawks could understand the kind of drive that could give someone after being alone and made to feel like they were a burden.

Endeavor is the embodiment of his hope, so Hawks projects that idea on him even now. He wants to help Endeavor—as a hero and as a father—as long as Endeavor is willing to try. Hawks feels guilty about breaking ties with his family, but after seeing how the Todoroki children are facing their past and their parents, he realizes he can help make a difference for another family.

Hawks has spent his life trying to answer why he was born with his wings. His sense of worth being tied to what he can do for others was perfect for the HPSC to mold him into a hero who’s willing to do anything if he thinks good can come from it. Under their direction—the same direction that threatened Lady Nagant’s life and put her in prison so she wouldn’t talk—he ignored injustice, killed someone he said he would help, and was nearly killed himself in order to get information to the heroes about the PLF and ensure they could be stopped.

Hawks feels a significant amount of personal responsibility to make their society a safe one as fast as possible. It’s a promise he’s determined to keep, no matter how badly he’s injured, and even if he needs to dirty his hands to do it.

There are other heroes with a savior complex. The greatest example is All Might, who “was the act to follow, and everybody cheered him on! But along the way... people forgot about the heart and soul that made the man. The stage is gone now. The theater’s knocked down [...] Think about it. Those ones who’re still left, still fighting... whaddaya think they’re fighting for?” All Might lost all of his power in Kamino fighting AFO, but his lowest moment finally came when he couldn’t help Deku, who had become his whole reason for living. When All Might was convinced that he could only get in the way of others, Stain—a fanatic though he was—forced him to realize that heroes and citizens still looked to him for guidance, still believed in him.

All Might “couldn’t sit back” as people suffered, and neither can Hawks. They both determine their worth by their ability to help people. And Hawks, finally free from the power of the HPSC, given back his name and the burden of judgement that comes with it, is at a crossroad of destiny. He no longer has to hide his true identity nor his true feelings. There’s no need to work around the requirements of the HPSC. And at the end of it, he’s the same man, who wants to make society safe as fast as he can, at any cost.

Hawks just wants to make a difference, and since losing significant credibility among citizens, he resigned himself to keep working toward his goal regardless of whether he had their support. Now, Hawks has nothing to lose except his life, to put it bluntly. While his mother was caring enough in the letter she left him, that tie was severed long ago. He doesn’t have loved ones or a support system (particularly one who doesn’t base all of his worth on whether he’s useful to them). No one even knew his real name until Dabi broadcasted that and more. There is one person, however, who has shown particular concern for Hawks since the war.

Tokoyami, while typically serious and reserved, is defined by his heart. As a hero-in-training, he’s strategic and dependable, and as a friend, he’s fiercely caring and loyal. When Shoji was injured by a villain at the training camp as a result of protecting Tokoyami, “...he just couldn’t take it... the quirk he struggled to contain... started to rampage.”

His quirk becomes more powerful in darkness, but it’s also connected with his emotions. So when he sees his friends get hurt—particularly when it’s because of him—it can become overwhelming, allowing Dark Shadow to go into a frenzy.

The disingenuous façade Hawks masked himself with made it difficult for Tokoyami to like his mentor after his internship. However, once Hawks began to recognize the effort Tokoyami was putting in to keep up with him as well as acknowledge that he hadn’t actually been looking down on him, they started to form a bond. Despite them having starkly different ways of expressing themselves, Tokoyami looks up to his mentor and Hawks cares about his student. After a complicated start, they went on to build sincere respect for each other. So when Tokoyami realized that Hawks might be in danger at Gunga Villa, he didn’t hesitate to help him.

Tokoyami found Hawks in a burning heap on the ground, proving his suspicion of true. Despite Dabi attempting to use psychological warfare in order to distract Tokoyami, if heroes were supposed to save, then Tokoyami had a job to do. When Dabi asked him, “Who is it who really needs saving?” Tokoyami shielded Hawks as Dabi blasted flames at them, making a run for it.

Emotions welled up in Tokoyami as he expressed his steadfast belief in Hawks during their escape, willing his mentor to live through his severe injuries. He intended to help Hawks through whatever came next.

When Hawks woke up less than two days later, he immediately went back to work despite his burns, heavily bandaged and barely able to speak. And through the coming weeks, he avoided all attempts made by Tokoyami to reach him.

Other heroes went right back to work as well, but each hero’s sense of duty was driven by their own motives, accumulating toward one goal. There were also heroes who quit, like Death Arms, who said “...I’ve never felt like this before. I thought I was different. Better. I’m sure we all did once. But nah, I’m no hero. Only human.” And while we can think less of this character for his choice during such an intense time for everyone, his statement echoes the tragedy that affects everyone in their society: Heroes are put on a pedestal. That means an assortment of things, and there are a plethora of reactions to this reality in the series, but I specifically want to focus on how this places great expectations on heroes.

Let’s consider when Deku returned to UA after his solo villain hunt. When Uravity pleaded from the rooftops for the citizens sheltering at UA to understand why Deku should be allowed to rest, there was hesitancy. Could they afford to let such a huge target in a safe haven? Could they trust someone so different from them?

Deku was exhausted, covered in filth from weeks of fighting alone while searching for AFO, but he’s only human. With significant convincing, Uravity opened the door for citizens to recognize Deku as their neighbor, as just a high school kid, as someone just like them.

Deku hadn’t intended to return to UA for rest, nor had he intended to work with his friends, because he feared that would put them in more danger. However, they managed to save him just when he had burned out, and convinced him to stay while a plan was formed for defeating AFO and the rest.

This incredible act by Uravity made Hawks realize that the future they sought could be possible. He saw it in front of him! But Hawks as a hero is different. Groomed as a soldier rather than a typical hero, he doesn’t take the luxury of rest. Hawks is driven by the seed of a savior complex that’s been watered by the adults around him since his childhood, and it has grown strong roots in him.

If evidence in the writing weren’t enough, the truth can be found in the art. Hawks was often drawn with a trait familiar to those afflicted with particular sadness or exhaustion: visible bags under his eyes. Not every panel included them in his design, particularly those in which he was smiling or putting on an act. However, they could often be seen in more detailed panels. This trait has become significantly more visible post-war. Moreover, Hawks is now being drawn almost exclusively from his left side where his burn is visible. However (as I initially saw this pointed out by @/svrcererspidey on Twitter), when this is the case the burn itself is often hidden. One moment it wasn’t was when Hawks jumped to help Deku save Lady Nagant from falling to her death, where his burn could be seen as he affirmed his belief that she still had the heart of a hero.

Hawks has had a significant amount of dialogue lately but his ability to work was hindered greatly by the damage done to his wings. He focused on being support for the other heroes. When a moment came to jump into action, he did so without being certain that his wings could help him, his burn appearing just as he exhibited the hope he has become well known for. Hawks has stopped masking his feelings, but he’s ignoring his own pain and exhaustion. His decisions, however noble his intentions, are reckless to himself. He is ready to die. This behavior is not unlike Deku when he left UA, and later left All Might.

Deku was—and is—stronger than his peers. As long as he was near them, or All Might, they would be in danger. It didn’t matter what state he was in because he had a mission that needed to be completed as soon as possible. He wore a threatening mask that hid the exhaustion and fear he truly felt. Deku and Hawks are similar in this way.

When All Might called Hawks to update him on the hunt for villains, Hawks identified with Deku’s strategy. He understands the responsibility Deku feels and the pressure to get the job done as fast as possible. Tokoyami may have rescued his mentor from being burned alive, but Hawks hasn’t truly been saved yet.

Endeavor was the catalyst that set Hawks and Dabi on their paths toward heroism and rejection of it, respectively. As they used and fought each other in order to secure the futures they sought, the story revealed how Endeavor’s actions as a hero gave young Keigo hope while his actions as a father isolated his eldest son, Toya.

Where Hawks focused on giving back to a society that had saved him from abuse and poverty, Dabi focused on tearing down the same system, which had rewarded Endeavor’s arrogance and showed Dabi that he wasn’t enough, whether he was alive or dead.

Both of them have spent their lives searching for purpose to the detriment of their own needs because of how they were taught to understand their worth. Their paths, though in opposition, reflect the other.

But is it too late? Can they be saved, or have they been destined to fall as hero society falls, representing two extreme ends of its failures?

Endeavor lit the fire in Toya that made him want to surpass All Might. By teaching Toya that he was born for a specific purpose and later withholding his love and attention in an attempt to stop him from hurting himself, Endeavor showed Toya that he would have to prove himself as worthy in order for his father to love him, to be proud of him, to see him.

Dabi made it his purpose to make Endeavor pay for that by taking away everything “that thing holds near and dear.” He’s willing to die for it. However, the way to save him can be found in the words he repeats over and over.

Shoto didn’t have a relationship with his eldest brother, but he understands him. Toya was isolated, given a purpose, told to give that purpose up as the affection he’d come to know through that purpose was withheld, then left to fester in his anger. But what had devastated Toya the most was believing he was left behind by his family.

The struggles of the Todoroki family won’t end by defeating Dabi in battle nor with his death because those things alone won’t bring the Todorokis closure over how their family came to be. By stopping Dabi from sacrificing his life to get revenge on Endeavor, by showing him that his worth isn’t up to Endeavor’s expectations but rather that he has unconditional worth regardless of him—something he should’ve always been made to feel—and the love of his family, they can come together to save Toya. He can be saved.

Endeavor became a shining light for Keigo, giving him hope that he could avoid ending up like his parents. However, the behaviors they exhibited and how they’ve treated him still have an effect on how he understands and manages relationships. Keigo’s father demanded the obedience of his partner and child in order to avoid capture. Representing the paranoia of their household, Keigo and his mother had quirks suitable for surveillance, of which were made necessary for monitoring the man they needed for survival—as Tomie did not have the wherewithal to survive in society—and for avoiding his violence.

When his father kicked him aside for turning his back, Keigo instinctively apologized. It was a strategy he developed with the knowledge that his parents were wrong but, as he was blamed over and over for things he wasn’t responsible for, he learned to take responsibility anyway.

When the Takami Thief was captured, Tomie Takami was left with minimal prospects for survival and a child to care for on her own. Reasoning that the authorities could come after her as well for harboring a fugitive, she chose the only logical option she could find for them: “Gotta run away.” When Hawks went to investigate how Dabi came to know the secrets of the Takami family, he found that his mother had been confronted for the information. Tomie left him the letter in which she apologized and stated that she was once again leaving.

The first time, Tomie had meant to avoid confrontation with the authorities, but having potentially cost Hawks so much that his life as a hero had afforded him, her decision to leave this time had a different motive. Tomie knew she couldn’t provide for Keigo and she even threw the blame of their suffering on him when at their lowest. Broken. Now, having been provided for, separated long enough from both poverty and her son, she could see. Hawks was better off without her, he didn’t need her—if she was there, she would cause him trouble—and if she wanted him to be safe, she’d need to go. It was based in selflessness. It was the only way she knew how to do right by her son. But that lesson is a dangerous one. By leaving, Tomie reinforced the idea that running away—or being faster than everyone else who might want to catch up with you—is the right choice to avoid getting other people hurt. Unfortunately for Hawks, Tokoyami would never abandon a friend who is in danger, particularly one who is a danger to themself.

Keigo’s desperation to have value was exploited by the HPSC. Having grown up without the love of his parents, dedicating his life to public service through which he could give something to the world brought him the closest he could to feeling like he could make up for the absence of it. Helping people was the only thing that made sense, and like many things in his life, the quickest and cleverest choices were the ones he used to achieve that.

As someone whose quirk comes at a great risk to those around him if he can’t control it, Tokoyami could easily understand Hawks’ motivation to keep people at a distance who may get caught in the crossfire with his ventures. However, someone as loyal as Tokoyami would never allow Hawks to face danger alone if he could still help him.

The war against the PLF was the first time we saw Hawks nearly die. Guilt flooded through him as he desperately uttered instructions to his mentee to flee. As he came to see it, Tokoyami nearly became a victim of his inability to fulfill his life’s purpose. He nearly caused the death of the one person who he allowed close enough to teach and try to inspire. It was this sense of failure that moved Hawks to detach himself from Tokoyami.

Hawks is the man who’s a bit too fast. He’s used to working alone, used to dirtying his hands so no one else has to, prepared to sacrifice himself for the greater good. So when the students, especially Tokoyami, showed up to help in the fight against AFO, the guilt Hawks harbored rose in him again.

Hawks fears failing Tokoyami again... feels like he owed it to his student to leave him behind. Tokoyami made him realize that this isn’t the case. He still believes in his mentor. He still values everything he taught him. He knows people are not all black and white. He understands now that even his mentor, whose cleverness was always apparent, is capable of great weakness and darkness. But he also knows Hawks is capable of warmth and empathy.

When Hawks heard that Tokoyami still wanted to work together with him, Hawks was snapped out of his fear. “Am I really... that pathetic?” He knows what Tokoyami is capable of. It’s why he chose him out of everyone in his class.

Hawks accepting the help offered to him is a huge step toward moving on from his propulsion for self-sacrifice. When he rescued Hawks from Dabi, Tokoyami told the smiling villain that, amidst the turmoil, he was “just... concerned about [his] mentor.” While he values Hawks as a hero, no one else knows him better for who he might be without the title. He has known his kindness and his friendship. He values Hawks outside of his quirk, outside of what he can do for society. This isn’t to say at all that Hawks’ well-being should fall on Tokoyami’s shoulders now, but that bit of acknowledgement and understanding—the kind Hawks has never known even from the people who should’ve always given it to him without condition—is a significant step toward healing from his desire to dedicate his life to heroism over living for himself at all. Making Hawks see himself as someone worthy of unconditional acceptance is how he can be saved.

Tokoyami believes in Hawks. Endeavor may be down, but Hawks doesn’t feel like he’s alone right now. There’s a lot to lose in this fight, including their lives, but for the first time he feels the support he’s always giving to others... the unity he believes wholeheartedly they need to win. And in that way... maybe he’s already changed for the better.

#boku no hero academia #my hero academia #keigo takami #hawks #fumikage tokoyami #dabi #tomie takami #mha meta #bnha meta #bnha manga spoilers #mha manga spoilers #kyra speaks #this doesn't even feel all encompassing of his character (or the others) and it isn't meant to be #I just started thinking and making connections and I wanted to understand him as much as I could for even just myself #and the other characters I talk about #also I tried to put alt text but it's not letting me :/

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spaghettificationandpretzels · 1 year

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The Reaper and the Death Angel Part 57

This series may never end, thank you for sticking with me.

Series Masterlist

Part 56

Contains: Angst, discussion of drug use and overdose, smut (oral sex M receiving, fingering, P in V), fluff, hurt/comfort, nightmares, shooting, mild injury. Not beta, it's probably full of mistakes.

8.5K words (shit, it's a long one)

Comment if you want to be tagged/removed or follow #the reaper and the death angel.

From the frying pan into the fire.

"We knew this would happen sis, all we can do is wait for the next time he shows up with some sorry excuse and a promise to do better. I bet you twenty bucks that he goes into rehab within twenty minutes of here."

You sighed, "I'm just waiting for Wendy to call me and say she's checked into her facility."

Ima blinked, "can he do that?"

Jax nodded, "yep, she can just refuse to be his therapist. I'll talk to her, make sure she knows she can talk to us anytime if something goes wrong."

You huffed, "all we can do is wait but I think we're going to be stuck with him until he gets sick of being told no. We just have to look out for each other until that happens."

Sam stood up and brought you into a hug, "we're going to be fine, this is not the worst thing we've had to deal with."

You smiled softly, "I know, it's not even in the top one hundred."

Sam gave you a soft shove, "go back to bed, you've had a long week and the frat gets all their privileges back tomorrow."

You rubbed your face, "wonderful, I wonder how long before Hale's here to arrest one of them for harassing."

Jax's jaw clenched, "I will deal with it this time, this is out home and our neighbour, they can't fuck with us like they did when we were inside."

You sighed, "we'll deal with it as it happens. I love you Sammy."

"Love you too sis."

You walked back into your bedroom to Jax seemly deep in thought, "what's wrong my love?"

He swallowed, "I am so sorry."

You sat next to him and put your hand on his shoulder, "for what?"

"You grew up with a drunk and I spent the last four months making you deal with another one. I should have told my mother to stop drinking the moment she let Abel watch that movie that night and if she didn't I should have cut her off."

You shook your head, "Jax, if I wanted you to do that I would have told you. I've spoken to Nero, she is getting better slowly and he never did that. I can't say that it didn't dredge up some very unpleasant memories, but she's nowhere near as bad as he was."

"She almost killed our son." The way you were looking at him stopped him from continuing, "I get what you're saying but if you think for a second that I'm going to let her keep playing the wounding bird, you're wrong, it stops here."

You nodded, "that's your choice but that's a conversation you're going to have with Gemma by yourself, she's already accused me of being the problem and I don't want to make that any worse."

Jax sighed, "yeah, I think that might be a good idea. I don't know how you're so good with her after everything you've been through with your father."

You shrugged, "because I'm doing it for you, she's your mum and you love her. I owe it to you to try."

Jax smiled and lifted his hand up, his fingers brushing your cheek, "I don't know what I ever did to deserve you."

You turned your head and kissed his hand, "you spent a whole day lifting my heavy boxes and I feel in love."

Jax leaned in and kissed you, all soft and slow and full of love, "you wanna call it a night darlin?"

You nodded, "please, I feel like I haven't slept in a wink."

Jax snorted, "because you haven't since the train crash."

You sighed, "I'm sorry I've been tossing and turning, I never meant to keep you up and I know you need your sleep. I should sleep in the guest room until things calm, I don't want anything happening to you."

Jax shook his head, "no way in hell, I know I can't understand what you've been dealing with but I'm not going to toss you into the guest room because you're having trouble sleeping, it's not like you haven't sat up with me what I can't sleep."

He threw off his shirt and laid down, inviting you into his open arms. You took his invitation and rested your head on his hard chest.

"Good night darlin."

"Good night beloved."

****

"What?"

You sighed, "have you heard from anyone about a new drug going around, it's called Poppy, it's a kind of bootleg MDMA?"

Jax shook his head, "no, you want me to ask around?"

You nodded, "yes please, I don't want to get anyone into trouble, I just want the dealers to know how bad it is. It's new, so I'm hoping they don't know yet. I...."

Jax sat down and took your hand in his, "I know, tell me what's going on so that way you don't have to repeat yourself when I find someone who can help."

"St Thomas contacted us a few weeks ago when some kids came in overdosing on something, their lab couldn't get the results soon enough and asked us to have a look. People are dying and we've got no leads so far, and now that the hospitals can't take the bodies, the lab is full. I just got through all the train victims and it seems people are forgetting that our lab doesn't do fresh bodies, we only have ten freezers and they're full. No one wants to return to freezer trucks and bringing on people from other labs."

"We're all meeting Pope today to see what's going on with this Italian thing. Someone has to know what's going on. You know why it's so nasty?"

You sighed, "it's the chemistry, the FDA and the DEA only ban the exact makeup of a drug, so change one or two molecules and it acts the same but it's perfectly legal, the drug isn't actually MDMA. There are facilities all over the world where chemists spend day and night creating these new drugs. The thing is, they don't know how they will react to the human body and one change can be fatal. This one, creates massive nervous system damage, treatment needs fast, like on sight fast or it doesn't end well."

"Wow, are the cops are leaving all the work to the lab?"

"Yep, we can trace chemical signatures down to manufacturers but anything will help."

Jax smiled and pressed his lips to the side of your head, "I'll do what I can, you really can't catch a break, can you?"

You threw your hands up in the air, "nope, Gemma can see Abel today if she wants, with someone there."

Jax blinked, "you're his mum, you get the last say."

"Was that you trying to say no?"

Jax nodded, "yep, after last night and dealing with your father, I'm done with my mother, at least for now. She has to show that she's changed, not just say she has."

You sighed, "Abel is yours too and if you want her to stay away from him, then you get to make that call and I will support you, just choose your words carefully and make sure she still knows you love her."

Jax smiled softly, "thank you, I would be lost without you."

You shook your head, "you do just fine without me, all I do is tell you what you already know. Now, go to that meeting, I need details and I will be very appreciative if you get them for me."

Jax raised his eyebrows with a smirk, "how appreciative?"

You smiled and leaned in close, brushing your lips over his ear, "like get down on my knees and thank you from the bottom of my heart appreciative."

****

"Jax, wait." Jax paused his strides to let Sam catch up.

"Yeah man, what do you need?"

Sam sighed and handed him a folder, "we might need that for church, I spoke to a guy I know who worked with this group that the mafia are recruiting from, he sent me the most likely candidates."

Jax nodded, "you are a lifesaver, do you have enough info to get on top of this?"

"Yep, I'll give everyone the four one one when we get inside." They walked inside and Jax started church, nodding to Sam for him to start before Sam waved at Jax to hand everyone the papers that were inside the folder.

"I have a guy, not like any of the guys that my sister had but a guy. I had a quick call with him, just a general catch up if anyone is listening and he pointed me in the right direction. He said that a few years ago, the cops raided a mafia Don's palace and found a whole bunch of stolen Middle Eastern artifacts. They do some digging and link them back to five Gruppo di Intervento Speciale guys who spent time in Afghanistan before moving back to their hometown to take a domestic police job in the same group."

They looked through the personnel flies that Sam had copied and Sam kept going, "they lost their jobs and intelligence says that within a few months, they were training made men in special tactics. I only dealt with them once at an embassy call, they are hard men but five guys isn't enough to be a risk, even if they train a hundred people."

Opie pointed out something on one man's sheet, "these guys have a lot of conduct unbecoming charges, what does that mean?"

Sam sighed, "conduct unbecoming basically means they behaved in a way that's upsetting but not worthy of losing your job, in this case, it's drunken bullshit and fights which is also good for us."

Jax tilted his head, "why?"

Sam took a deep breath, "it means they're not disciplined, making your branch look bad is not a good idea no matter where you're from and to get dinged with a conduct unbecoming charge, you need to really fuck up. My guy had a quick look at their full records, the ones he couldn't share with me and he said we'll be fine, they were never the best operators. Having said that, we still need to be very careful, sloppy is worse than precise any day."

Jax rubbed his face, "let's hear thoughts."

Opie went first, "we need to talk to Jimmy first, this is his mess to fix."

Happy raised his hand, "we need to talk to Pope and Marcus if they want the port they are going to be looking for new friends, we should all be ready for shit to jump off."

"Happy's right, they're not going to just hit us, they're going to talk to our enemies first." Bobby had always been the one to think ahead.

Juice cleared his throat, "the Mayans are good but Pope's been jumping off with another group that the Niners were beefing with, Galen said he's upper their orders two months in a row. They're close to the port too."

Jax nodded, "find out what you can on that Juicy, we'll go from there. Right now we have our day jobs to do."

****

"Jackson, I need to talk to you." Jax lifted his head from the car engine and dropped the wrench.

"What is it mum? I'm in the middle of something."

Gemma waved her hands, "in the office please."

Jax shook his head, "nah, I'm done with hiding shit, if you've got an issue do it here so I can keep working."

Gemma huffed, "I went to see my grandson today and the stranger looking after him told me you took me off the list." The garage was silent.

"I took you off the list, until you can show me you're sober I don't want you around my son."

Gemma crossed her arms over her chest, "is this y/n?"

Jax tossed the tool to the side in a rage, "no mum, it wasn't, like always, she did the opposite and told me to give you more time but I'm done giving you time, and I'm done with this shit. Let's go over why I've made this decision, you had a spare house key cut even though y/n told you when she gave it to you after I moved in years ago not to. In fact, I remember her saying not to even take a photo of it. She told you the risks, she told you that you could get someone killed if you made a spare and you didn't listen and then someone took it and tried to break in, but I guess getting y/n killed would be good because you could take her place."

Gemma looked away in shame which only set Jax off more, "you exposed my child to violent images on TV and he's still crawling into our bed at night because he can't sleep. I know Sam and Ima won't say anything because they don't want to worry us, but Abel had to turn to them when we weren't there."

Gemma looked at Sam, "is that true?"

Sam nodded, "when y/n is on night shift and Jax is dealing with club business, it's rare that Abel won't need someone to check under the bed, he only started that after he watched whatever it was."

Jax's face was going red with how angry he was, "even after that y/n gave you chance after chance after chance and you fucked up every time until you almost killed Abel and then she gave you another one and you had the audacity to say that she was keeping Abel away from you and when she did her best to tell you she wasn't you went ahead and tried to turn me against her."

"Jackson I never meant to…"

Jax cut her off, "don't bullshit me, you wanted to pull the strings just like you always have. You wanna know the fucked up thing, y/n told me this morning to go easy on you, she said that you could still see Abel. I love you mum but you need to step back until I tell you it's ok, I'm making the decisions from now on, not y/n, and I say you haven't done enough to prove you can be around Abel without doing more damage."

"Jackson, he's my…"

Jax huffed, "if you say he's your baby I'm going to lose it with you, Abel is our child, not yours. Take the week off and go spend it with Nero, Chucky can take over. I'm trying here, I really am but you're pushing it. And if you bring this to y/n we're going to have an even bigger problem, she's got enough on her plate without having to keep you even."

Gemma went to speak again and Chibs stepped in, "come on Ma, I think they need help setting up for the grand opening anyway, I'll take you."

Jax smiled and Chibs and went back to working on the car, he just hoped Gemma wouldn't call you the moment Chibs dropped her off.

****

"He'll come around Ma, you just need to give him the time he's been asking for." Chibs was going to take the time to Diosa to try and defuse what was going on between Jax and his mother.

"I don't know how much time it's going to take, he seems pretty angry at me." Gemma's voice was full of self pity.

"He's angry at you because you're attacking the woman he loves. Y/n is a good person Gemma, she's been in your corner through everything. I know she was angry at you after what happened with Abel but if she was the one in the car, you would have run her out of town by now. All the stuff between you and her is going to work itself out but only if you're trying too."

"You don't think she's behind this?"

Chibs shook his head, "you haven't seen her in action like we have Gem, she's the only reason Abel still has his dad and we still have a Club. Jax has already made it clear that if you ask him to choose, he'll pick her so don't ask him to make that choice. Y/n seems like a very forgiving person, she's forgiven you for what happened to Abel, I'm sure if you take some time and show you've changed it will all be water under the bridge."

"You think?"

Chibs nodded, "I do, she's a good girl Gem and I don't think you really ever gave yourself the chance to see that."

****

Jax waited anxiously for everyone to be done with work so they could leave for the meet. The moment Chibs got back, they were off. Pope was already there waiting for them and he Mayans arrived soon after they did. Pope and Marks didn't seem happy that they were still waiting on the Italians but he wasn't going to waste time doing nothing.

"Santo Padre will be here in a week, you guys good with that?"

Jax nodded, "that's fine by us, we want to get all our relationships sorted while things are fairly calm."

Pope echoed the sentiment, "whatever gets money in out collective wallets."

Jax crossed his arms over his chest, "while we're waiting, have any of you dealt with this new party drug, it's called Poppy, my old lady says the kids that have been taking it are dropping like flies."

Marcus shook his head, "we don't sell party drugs, those young kids tend to be a bit loose lipped. What does y/n want with a party drug?"

Jax sighed, "her lab has been put in charge of managing the deaths, the hospitals are having trouble dealing with the numbers coming in on the weekends, all she wants is a line into the dealers so they know how bad this stuff is. She doesn't want to jam anyone up."

Pope and Marks shared a look but before they could say more, the Italians arrived, "we'll talk after." The tone in August's voice made it clear he had more to say.

Jax swaggered over first, holding out his hand, "Jimmy, it's good to see you again."

Cacuzza took Jax's hand in a firm shake, "Jax, let's get this mess sorted so we can go back to making money."

They walked back over to the group and exchanged greetings then Jimmy started to talk, "I know it might be a bit to swing but we might need more than guns."

The Italians had been buying their guns from the Mayans but Pope was the one the raised his hand, "we're closer to the docks and the train yards and we have cops there who are our friends, if Marcus keeps up the supply of weapons, we'll back you keep your shipments safe."

Jax nodded, "I've spoken to Galen, he'll give you double what you're already getting for a reasonable price as long as you keep him in the loop, should worse come to worse, he's willing to speak to the powers at be to see what can be done." By the powers at be, Jax meant the church, it was no secret that priests in both the IRA and the Mafia had sway.

Jimmy's eyes dropped to the floor, "there's another thing, we might need some help inside, with all this going on we're worried about rattling cages."

Sam's deep voice filled the air, "we can't help with that, my sister got Otto Delaney transferred to a medium security place about an hour away, if you had kept in touch you would know that Jimmy."

"There's no need for this, if you want your guys protected inside, we can do that too." Jax was forever grateful that you brought Pope in.

Jimmy smiled, "thank you Damon, but I got to ask, what's in it for you?"

Pope smiled, "the protection money you used to pay the Sons, that's it."

Jimmy stuck out his hand, which Pope took, "you got a deal. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some things to get done so we can get back to life how it should be."

****

"August is here for the tour, says he needs to talk with you first."

You breathed a sigh of relief, Jax came through, "thank you T, send him in."

A few moments later you could hear the children running around and your office door open, "Travis said I could come right in."

You nodded, "yes, please sit. Did Jax send you?"

He smiled, "yeah, we talked after we met the Cacuzza. He said you wanted the DL on this new party drug?"

You handed him a file, "in there is the info for the people we lost so far, none older than thirty five, all dead pretty soon after they took the drug. Only ten are from Oakland, but these aren't the bad batch deaths you'd normally expect. All I need is to know where this shit came from, I'm not planning on getting anyone into trouble it's just that narrowing down what's causing this, if it's the drug itself or contamination, will really help and knowing the origin is part of that."

He looked it over, "I don't know if we can help, after the first deaths in our neighbourhood, Damon made it clear anyone selling it would be dealt with, a few days later we sent two guys to the ER with both their legs broken. We've made it clear that the next person we catch will end up in the morgue."

You blinked and went to respond but he stood up, "I'll make sure we talk to them first, see if we can get something off them and you'll be the first to know about it. If you think these drugs are coming from our end, have a chat with detective Mason in Vice, he'll make sure it gets to the right people."

You smiled and stood up, ready to start the tour, "thank you, now we have a tour to enjoy, you would like to pick where we start?"

He smiled, "I saw a history of boats exhibit, is that an option?"

You chuckled and opened your office door, waving your hands for him to head out, "yep, of course we can."

****

Jax was in the office with Bobby talking about the situation with Cacuzza when he got the text, smiling at the sound of your ringtone.

"Is that about the drugs?"

Jax shrugged and pulled out his phone only to be greeted by a photo of your bare breasts.

"Is it too early to start showing my appreciation?"

Jax swallowed and put his phone away, doing his best to hide the arousal on his face, "it's nothing."

Bobby smiled, "sure it is. As I was saying, we can't trust what he's told us, he's left it this long for a reason and I think he's hiding how bad it is."

Jax nodded, "tell the guys outside to keep an eye out. Happy's right, we have to watch our backs from all angles."

****

You were just about to finish up when Holt brought another body in, "really? It's only four in the afternoon, who's doing MDMA at at midday?"

Holt shook his head, "they were admitted last night and died three hours ago, they just need to confirm it was from Poppy. This stuff is killing people like fentanyl."

You sighed, "I can't do another one today, how old is this one?"

"Seventeen."

You sighed, "It won't take long, their parents need closure."

****

Jax was waiting for you when you got home, opening his arms for you to crawl into them like you did so many times after a bad day at work. You buried your face in his neck and he wrapped his arms around your body and crushed you to his chest.

"You're late, were you busy?"

You nodded with a yawn, "very, I'm getting kinda sick of all the fresh bodies when the lab is meant to be working with rotted ones. I don't like fresh flesh."

Jax chuckled, "I know, you wanna get takeout tonight? I'm sure Sam and Ima will be happy to have an easy night?"

You sighed, "bad morning sickness?"

Jax nodded, "Sam's pretty worried but they've got her appointment tomorrow so I'm sure the doctor will give her some advice. How does pizza sound?"

"Pizza sounds good, I'll go see what everyone else wants. Is Abel napping?"

Jax shook his head, "nah, he's in the backyard with Sam."

You raised your head off Jax's shoulder and pressed your lips to his, "we still have a few hours before dinner, you wanna go upstairs so I can show you how thankful I am for your help today?"

He raised his eyebrows, "you've done quite a bit of that today, you know those photos made driving home pretty hard."

You smiled and pressed your lips to his neck, "I know but you're very attractive when you're all riled up." Jax took your face in his hands and brought you in for a deep kiss, his beard scratching your skin.

He pulled back with a smile, licking his plump lips, "later, I want to hang out with Abel for a while, you want to come?"

You smiled, "yes please."

****

You were sitting in bed with your chest to Jax's back, watching a documentary on the TV while Jax rubbed his hand up and down your forearm. "Abel was good today, I think he wants to be a farmer."

Jax chuckled, "he wanted to be a firefighter last week and a doctor just like you the week before. You told him he could be whatever he wants to and he listened."

You smiled, "he still has plenty of time to decide."

Jax pressed his lips to your neck, "how helpful was I today?" His tone was playful and you could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Oh very and I think it's later too and I'd very much like to show you how thankful I am for sending Marks my way." You spun in his arms and Jax wrapped himself around you while you pulled him into a kiss.

He stroked your cheek, looking into your eyes with affection, "you can always do it tomorrow, I know how tried you've been."

You shook your head, "hell no. Plus, I always sleep better after we.. you know." Jax smiled then his hand were pulling your top off as his eye raked over your body.

"God I fucking love your tits." His hands came up to grip them and you sighed as his fingers circled your nipple while his mouth wrapped around the other.

You hands wove into his hair as he switched positions, "I thought this was about me showing my appreciation."

Jax chuckled and pulled back, "you are, I keep telling you, I love your tits." He kissed across your chest and back to your mouth, his beard scratching your skin as his nose brushed yours.

You pulled back and pressed your lips to his cheek, then down his chest, "lay back my love." He did as you asked with a smile on his face and your lips brushed his perfect abs on the way down to his cock.

He was hard in those sinful grey sweatpants, you yank them down with a smile and his cock sprang free before you pressed kisses from base to tip, Jax's hand landing on your cheek with a gentle brush.

You wrapped your hand around the base and sucked the tip into your mouth, Jax letting out a grunt as your hand started to move. Jax was never one to stay quiet when you were sucking his dick, the praise falling from his mouth with gravel and affection.

"I'm taking you to the office with me from now on, you under the table with my dick in your mouth will make paperwork so much more enjoyable." He was doing his best to sound unaffected but you could hear how clipped his tone was and it was obvious that he was holding back his moans.

It was your giggle at his suggestion that did him in, a choked off moan leaving his mouth as you sunk your mouth down his shaft. "Fuck you're so good." You moaned and Jax grunted, "I love you so much."

You lifted your head and pressed your lips to his thigh, "I love you too, do you want me to keep being good or do you want more." Jax smirked and wrapped his hand around your upper arm, pulling you up towards him.

"I always want more when I'm with you." You climbed in his lap and took his face in your hands, Jax closing the distance and kissing you while his arms wrapped around your body. You shifted and pulled your panties off, tossing them somewhere in the room while Jax's eye enjoyed your bare skin.

"Come on darlin, let me make you feel good." His hand went from your ribs to your thighs as you spread your legs to make room for his hand, Jax's fingers running through your slit while he grinned.

"What? What are you smirking about now you insufferable man?"

"You always get really wet after you have my dick in your mouth, you talk about my ego but it's your fault." His thumb found your clit while two of his thick fingers circled your entrance, sliding in as you leaned down to kiss him. You bit his lower lip as his fingertips brushed your G-spot, Jax smiling against your lips as you let out a gasp.

"Does that feel good?"

You rolled your eyes, "you know it does." Jax buried his face in your neck and nibbled your skin, you knew you'd have a bruise there in the morning, "you know I have gone through more foundation in the last five years than I have my whole life, I know you've got this possessive...." Jax pressed his finger in just the right way and the words got caught in your throat.

"Not so mouthy now, are you?" You bent down and bit his shoulder, "no reply, that's alright," He leaned back and his eyes found where your body met his hand, Jax watching on with his lower lip between his teeth and his eyes hooded. Your breath caught in your throat as you clenched around his fingers, Jax pulling you close so he could kiss you. He pulled his fingers out and sucked them into his mouth with a moan.

Jax's hand found your back and it was clear he was going to flip you onto your back, "why can't I be on top, don't you like it?"

Jax's eyebrows wrinkled, "hell no, I love it, what makes you say that?"

"Because you're always on top, you have control issues."

Jax grinned, "you love my control issues."

You shook your head with a giggle and leaned down to kiss him, "I do love your control issues."

Jax kissed you again and tapped your leg, "well hop on." You swung your leg over his body and grabbed his cock, Jax nodding with a smile as the tip nudged your entrance. Your breath stuttered as you slid down onto him and Jax grunted as you bottomed out.

"Yeah, this has got to be one of my favourite visions."

You huffed and started to rock your hips, Jax's head falling back into the pillows as his fingers slid down your body and found your clit. You rocked your hips back and forth, picking up speed while Jax watched the show.

"Which one Teller, me or your dick going into me?" Jax sighed and beckoned you to come close for a kiss. His lips were soft on yours as your hips picked up speed.

He pulled away from the kiss, just enough to speak and his lips brushed yours, "both." His fingers circled tighter and you began to falter, "you're doing so well for me."

You gasped at his praise and Jax smirked, "you are such an insufferable, arrogant..... oh my God." Jax bucked his hips and slammed himself into you.

"You were saying?" Jax rocked his hips in time with yours with one last roll of his hips, you crumbled over and came around him, Jax grunting as his fingers kept their pace and his other hand moved to your back to stabilise you. Jax was closed behind, holding you to his chest as he took over, with one final thrust, he let out a grunt and you felt him pulse inside you.

Jax lifted your hips off him and you laid down on his chest, "that was nice."

Jax chuckled, "yeah, it was."

You pecked him, "does that mean you're going to let me be on top more?"

Jax took your face in his hands and kissed you, "I'm not stopping you."

You huffed, "says the man that flips me over every time I try." Just to prove a point, Jax threw his leg over yours and flipped you onto your side, laughing and shoved his chest to no effect, "I love you Jackson."

He smiled and kissed your forehead, "I love you too darlin."

****

You were awoken from your unintentional nap with a knock on your office door. You rubbed your face and opened it to be greeted by a grinning Sam, "I brought photos." He held up the black and white sonogram pictures and you took them from him, "I made sure to get you ones without any baby bits in them, I know you won't be able to keep it a secret if you find out the sex."

You smiled, "you're very right and this is the cutest little blob I have ever seen, look at those little hands!."

You and Sam sat at your desk, "how's Ima going?"

Sam sighed, "the doctor said that if she doesn't start getting better soon they're going to look into hyperemesis gravidarum. I think they should already be looking into it but you know how these things go."

"Yeah, I do. And I'm impressed that you know what hyperemesis gravidarum is, you've been doing your reading."

Sam smiled, "of course I have." He paused and looked you over, "are you doing alright? You don't look very well."

You rubbed your face, "my head hurts, I'll be fine." You held up the photos, "are these for me to keep?"

Sam nodded, "yep. Go home after this and get some rest, don't do any more overtime. We're all worried about you."

You huffed, "no, you, Jax and Ima are worried about me and the others either don't know or can't be bothered to care." You sighed, "I'm sorry, that was really mean, I'm just so tired."

Sam put a hand on your shoulder, "go home after your next exam or my next call is to Jax and you know he'll drag you out of here if he has to."

You smiled softly, "thank you Sammy. Also, the gift shop just got in a whole new bunch of pictures books so you should stop by."

Sam shook his head, "I'll go do that. I love you y/n."

"Love you too Sam."

****

"I have to pick up the bulk bread rolls this afternoon then spend most of tomorrow cooking so I won't need to worry about it when Santo Padre get here. I'll be here tomorrow when the booze arrives. Why are we hosting them the first night they're here?"

Jax sighed, "because we're the ones that gave The Mayans the guns, I'm sure the women will help and I'll get Rat to give you a hand too."

You rubbed your face, "yeah, that's fine with all the overtime I've done I've been forced to take 2 days off, but I'll be at work the day they arrive but I'll be there for the party."

Jax smiled, "that makes me so happy, I don't think you know how boring these parties are without you."

You pressed a kiss to his cheek, "I don't know how much fun I'm going to be this time around. If I'm being honest with you I just want to stay at home and rest, I already only come for you and Sam and my battery is running really low."

Jax pulled you into his arms and cradled your head in his hand, "I'm sorry darlin, when this is all over we'll take a few days at Anvil's cabin away from it all. How does that sound?"

You smiled, "that sounds really nice but we'll see what happens, I don't think this is going to be over for a while and by that time the lab will have more to deal with. I just want a few days where I'm not doing so much for other people."

Jax nodded, "don't worry about the alcohol delivery, someone else can worry about that. Just focus on getting the food together and don't go to too much trouble, if they want a fancy meal, they can go to a restaurant."

You sighed, "I wish that was the case but there are other Sons coming too, no matter how tired I am we still have to keep up the diplomacy and part of that is good food and good drink. Bobby can handle the booze, it won't take long and he drinks half of it anyway."

Jax smiled, "done, I'll go tell him now. I've got some paperwork to do, you wanna come and have a nap in the office while I do it? I won't make much noise."

You thought for a moment, "nah, I've got to get the bread, I'll reconsider when I get back."

****

"Bobby, for fucks sake, I thought you were going to be here. I'm in the middle of cooking "

He grunted over the phone, "yeah sorry, something came up. Can't you just sign for it?"

You huffed, "it's not just signing for it, the cold drinks have to be put in the fridge and the liquor bottles have to be rotated so the new stuff is at the back. It's less than forty minutes of work. Jax told me he was going to get you to do it, it's not that hard, it just takes a bit of time."

You could hear laughter in the background, "get one of the other girls to do it, I'm sure you can spare one of them."

You took a deep breath, "fine, but next time you need someone to go out of their way for you, don't ask me."

****

"What this about you writing another book?"

You smiled, "well Bishop, part of my clinical sexology degree is the rights of women and pick up artists are on the rise so I felt the need to do some study. The book's going to be called the root of the problem and is looking into the rise of pick up artists and the red pill movement. It's kinda soul destroying but it's crazy interesting."

He chuckled, "that does sound interesting, I wish you'd do a part two of that dead language book."

You tilted your head, "what did you like about it? Maybe I can point you towards one that's similar."

He smiled, "I loved reading about the very beginning of the Maya language and how it became what it is today."

You nodded, "I can give you a long list all about that and one is partially about how we can preserve it and recover what was lost through colonisation." You took a bit of paper from your bag and wrote the list down before handing it to him.

"They better be just as good as your book or I'm going to be disappointed."

****

The night wore on and you floated from person to person talking about different things. You were sitting on one of the couches with Jax's arm around your shoulder talking to some of the Mayan boys about the food.

"You cooked all of this yesterday?" Angel mouth was half full.

You nodded, "yep, I had a lot of help. It's just some bread and toppings."

Creep huffed, "it's good. I read about that big cat exhibit at the museum, what's it like?"

You sighed, "just say you know me at the door and you'll get a tour, I'm not going to spoil it for you. All museums are free to enter, we get paid on how many people show up and if I tell you all about it you have no reason to go."

Angel's face broke into a grin, "you know, we really need people like you down south, you can always leave Teller and come and hang with us." It was said with affection and Jax chuckled.

Jax kissed your cheek "Nah, she loves me too much."

You nodded, "yep, Jackson is just wonderful, there's no way I'm going anywhere."

The fun continued when Angel shook his head, "what's so good about him?"

You looked at Jax with a smile, "there are too many things to list. He's kind and noble, he listens, he's a great father, he pulls his weight around the house and he doesn't leave me to do everything. He's also the most handsome man I've ever seen and he's great in bed."

Jax went red, "you're always going on about my ego and yet this is how you talk about me? What else do you expect me to do when all you do is talk me up?"

You sighed, "he could be more humble."

Jax looked at you, his eyes filled with love, "I am the luckiest man in the world."

****

You were loaded up with weight even with the help of the paramedics, it was getting hard to carry people outside the train to safety, "she doesn't have a hope, we need to black tag her and move on."

Gabby nodded, "I know, can you take her? I'll go back in and get more people."

You shouldered her full weight and kept walking, "go, help the living." You dragged her over to the trap and placed her down, she was close to death, there was no way she would know what was going on but as you walked away you heard a horrible creaking noise, when you turned around you were greeted by her bloody face.

"Why are you leaving me? Why are you leaving me in the cold to die alone?" Her body twisted and she lunged at you, your hands going out instinctually to protect your face.

Your eyes shot open, you were at home in bed. You reached your hand out and it landed on Jax's bare chest as it rose and fell with the breath. You sighed and rubbed your face, stuck between being so tired that all you wanted to do was go back to sleep and so upset that there was no way you could even close your eyes from fear of seeing flashes of the nightmare again.

You settled for turning and curling into Jax's side, resting your head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat. To your surprise, his arm wrapped around your body and his rough voice filled the room, "I know you have a whole lot of leave coming up because of all the overtime you've been doing, we are going away for a break and that's final. I love you too much to let you do this to yourself."

You went to apologise for waking him up but he stopped you, "it's not up for debate, I know you won't be able to get back to sleep but just close your eyes and try and get some rest, for me?"

You pressed your lips to his skin, "thank you Jackson."

****

"You look like shit."

You sighed, "yeah, I had nightmares all last night but Jax put his foot down. He's is taking me to Anvil's cabin in two days and we're going to take a week to ourselves, it looks like this whole mob things has blown over and we really need the break."

Sam smiled, "you deserve it too. We'll be a video call with Abel everyday, and I'll keep Gemma in line while you guys are gone."

You nodded, "thank you, speaking of." You got down on your knees for Abel to jump into your arms, "did you have fun with aunty Ima?"

He gave you a big smile, "yes mummy but I'm tired."

You let him go and Ima took his hand, "I'll take him home, I need a nap myself."

You smiled at Ima and kissed Abel on the tip of his nose, "I'll be home soon, alright little man."

He rubbed his face, "ok mummy, I see you soon."

Sam pecked Ima and she left with Abel, his little legs doing their best to keep pace with her.

"If you hadn't married her I would have."

Sam huffed and went to say something but Gemma cleared her throat, "can I talk to you?"

You swallowed, "sure Gem, is everything ok?"

She nodded and pointed to a quiet section of the picnic tables, "yeah everything fine."

You followed her and sat down, "what did you want to talk to me about?"

She took a deep breath, "I wanted to say sorry, for everything, I've taken the last week to go over everything Jax said and everything that's happened between us, everything that I've done and I realise that most of it.. all of it is my fault. I know this won't fix anything and I'm not expecting you to forgive me to tell Jax to let me back into Abel's life but I want you to know that I'm really trying now."

"Where is this coming from?"

She sighed, "Chibs spoke to me the day Jax told me to take the week off and Nero has been honest with me. You have no reason to think I'm not playing you and I know it's going to take a lot more for Jax to let me back in, even more to have a place in your niece or nephew's but I'm trying."

You smiled and took up, opening your arms to pull her into a hug, "I'm so happy to hear that. I'll talk to Jax and see if you can stay over while we're away so you can spend time with Abel."

She hugged you back and then you parted, "I've got to do some stuff in the office, I could use a hand?"

You nodded, "of course." A car pulling into the lot took your attention away, it was driving far too slow to be someone stopping in for a service and you knew why when you saw the gun barrel emerge from the window.

"GUN!" You had just enough time to throw yourself on top of Gemma before the shooting started. The bullets flew off the walls, the horrible noise from the gunshots filling the air.

The sound of handguns being fired filled the air then there was a huge crash, it must have all taken place over a matter of seconds. You lifted your head up and looked around, Sam and Chibs were running toward the crashed car and you rolled off Gemma.

"Are you alright?" You stood up and felt a stinging pain in your leg.

"I'm fine." Gemma's eyes were wide and she pointed to your legs, "oh my God, you've been shot."

You looked down at your leg, your scrub pants red with blood, "it's just a flesh wound, if it was bad I'd be in a lot more pain. Go inside and call Jax, I'll be in soon."

Sam came running over, "are you alright?"

You nodded, "yeah, I can feel the bullet under the skin. Can you help me over to the car? We need to cheek the bodies." Sam wrapped his arm around your waist and helped you hobble over. Jax, Opie and Happy were out on Club business, all the other Sons were crowded around the car.

"Is anyone else hit?" Chibs nodded, "Tig took one to the shoulder, I can patch him up after I do you."

You shook your head, "I can fix myself up. Can someone get the bodies out of the car please?" Juice and Kozik did as you asked, hauling the bodies out.

Juice looked at you with his eyebrows wrinkled, "one black guy and one while guy, what the hell is going on?"

"Check their tats." The pain was starting to seep in.

Chibs went to help, pulling up a sleeve while Kip pulled up the other, "the tenth street killers, isn't that the gang that Pope gutted?"

You nodded, "yep, what about the other guy?"

Kozik looked him over, "all I could find was this, it's a star with umm.... I don't know."

You got closer, "morte prima di disonore, it means death before dishonour and the star is the five point star that represents crime in the Italian mafia. So much for the problem going away."

They looked at you with worry, Tig gritting his teeth, "are you saying the white guy's in the mob?"

You nodded, "he's not just in the mob, that tattoo is unique to Italy, that family that Jimmy told us about is here and they have friends."

Part 58

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the-void-writes · 2 years

Text

Freaks of Preston Snippet

I might regret this later, but right now my lungs hurt and I just want to share more of the first chapter for Dad-Jason content. @bloodlessheirbyjacques @muddshadow You can ignore this, I just thought that I’d share some writing that actually ends happily.

Context: This is Jason and Will’s first meeting. Jason just scared the crap out of a bunch of school kids who broke some of Will’s stuff while trying to beat him up (for their fathers’ approval, but that’s another matter). Will is scared because his powers went off on their own while the kids were antagonizing him, but Jason promises that he won’t get him in trouble. Will realizes that Jason is a friend of his mother’s, and asks if he’ll help him walk home in case the kids try to hurt him again. Jason agrees, despite his obvious discomfort with being outside, because he wants to make sure Will makes it back to his mother.

With a renewed skip in his step, Will led Jason through the neighborhood towards his house. Jason kept his defensive stance as he glanced around the houses. Despite not being the target, it seemed like Jason was more on-edge than Will. On their way up Cedar Hill, Will turned his broken pendant over in his hand. Jason sighed harshly.

“Such heartless kids.”

Will shrugged slightly, weighed down by his cast. “I just hope Mom can help me fix it, if she has time.”

“May I see it? I won’t drop it, I promise.”

Carefully, Will handed it over. Jason stared at the pendant, smiling to himself as he traced the shape of the deformed moon.

“Such a beautiful color,” he said. “Where did you find it?”

“The pottery shop was holding classes.”

Jason blinked in surprise. “You made this?”

“Both of them,” Will said shyly.

“Will, they’re incredible.”

Will perked up, his deep blue eyes sparkling with joy. “You really mean that?”

“Yes, of course! You have good craftsmanship.”

“Thank you,” Will said, beaming with delight.

“I’ve always wanted to try sculpting. Is it hard?”

“A little, especially with the kiln. I burnt my hand, but the rest of it was fun.”

Jason snickered, but quickly stopped. “I am— so sorry. I’ve burnt my hand on the stove countless times, so I know how you feel.”

Will giggled. “Don’t worry, it was kind of funny. They gave Mom a free bowl.”

“Ah, what a prize.” Jason gave the pendant back to Will. “Well, since it’s clay, you can use some epoxy to seal it together.”

He couldn’t help but chuckle at Will’s befuddled expression.

“It’s like super-super glue.”

“Where can I find it?” Will asked.

“The hardware store has tons of it. I used to buy a lot back in the day. Our—” He closed his eyes. “My garden had these little ceramic gnomes. They’re more glue than gnome, now, thanks to all the repairs.”

“I didn’t see any of them in your yard. Where did they go?”

“I got tired of fixing them.”

Jason stared down at his feet, saddened by the mere mention of the garden. More family stuff, Will thought. He desperately tried to brighten the mood.

“Well, maybe we can take them off your hands? My sister loves lawn gnomes.”

“Does she?”

“Yeah, she and our friend, Alvie, built their own gnome towns. They’re at war with each other.”

To Will’s surprise, and absolute delight, Jason laughed out loud. It didn’t match his timid exterior, at all. There was joy to it, and slight hysteria, but nothing too bad. Will started laughing with him, until Jason winced and rubbed his throat. The boy stared up at him worriedly.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, I just— Well, this is the most I’ve ever spoken in a while.”

“Why?”

“It’s a very long story. Let’s just say I don’t have too many friends anymore.”

Will frowned in sympathy. “Oh, that’s okay, I don’t have many, either. Jeremy’s not the only one who wants me gone.”

Jason looked down at him with an odd expression. Will was used to anger and disgust from other people, but this was neither. The look on his face was pure heartbreak.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he said softly.

“It’s not your fault.” Will smiled at him. “Besides, you chased him off for me. I never thought I would hear him scream like that.”

Jason picked up a strand of his unruly red hair. “Sometimes, it pays to look like you’re wearing a monster on your head.”

Will snickered. “You’re not that scary.”

“Well, that just proves you’re far braver than those kids.”

Will smiled as a tiny bit of confidence flickered within him. As they discussed plans for the lawn-gnome-army, they finally reached Will’s house. It was a nice shade of pink that didn’t immediately hurt the eyes, and sure enough, a few lawn gnomes hid among the bushes. Mary stood in the front yard, looking around frantically. When she spotted Will, she gasped and ran to hug him.

“There you are, sweetie,” she said. “I was starting to get worried.”

Will squeezed her tightly. “I’m sorry, Mom.”

“You don’t have to apologize, dear. I just thought that—”

Mary finally noticed Jason standing next to them. She beamed and stood up to shake his hand.

“Jason, hey! It’s been forever! What brings you here?”

“He saved my life, Mom!” Will chimed in. “Jeremy was gonna beat me up, but Jason scared him off. He’s a hero!”

Jason shrunk into his shoulders. “I wouldn’t say that.”

“Oh, don’t be modest,” Mary said. “You are a hero. Thank you for bringing Will home.”

Jason smiled, unable to refute her point. “Of course, Mary. It’s no problem.”

Mary looked down and ruffled Will’s hair. “Will, sweetie, why don’t you go inside? I’ll be in shortly.”

Will nodded his head and ran towards his house. When he reached the door, he spun back around and waved.

“Bye, Jason!”

Jason smiled. “Have a good evening, Will.”

Will giggled and rushed inside. Jason and Mary watched him through the window as he charged into the living room, talking excitedly to his sisters. He waved his arm around dramatically, as if he were acting out a play. Jason couldn’t help but smile at the sight.

“I think you’re his idol, now,” Marisol said.

Jason huffed. “Ah, yes, the hermit down the street.”

“You’re not a hermit, Jay.”

“When was the last time we spoke in person?”

Mary shook her head. “You can’t blame yourself for that. You needed time to heal.”

Jason stared down at the ground. “Still…”

“Besides, you saved my son. I’ll call it even.”

“How often do those kids target him?”

“Almost every day. I can’t reason with their parents, either. Most of them think Will deserves this for Isaiah’s arrest.”

Jason felt his heart break. He had heard them that night, when they took Isaiah away. After everything that man had said and done, how could anyone blame Will? Mary placed a hand on Jason’s shoulder, and he tensed at the touch, but not enough for her to notice.

“How have you been?” she asked.

“I’ve been fine, thank you. Just going through paperwork. How are you holding up?”

“Eh, I’m getting better. I’ve been talking with some of the parks and rec people, and they want to offer me a landscaping position.”

Jason smiled. “That’s wonderful, Mary. I’m so happy for you.”

“Thank you…”

Mary looked down at the grass, hiding her eyes behind her brown curls. Jason leaned forward a little to find her gaze again.

“You seem troubled,” he said.

“I just— I have no idea what I’m gonna do with the kids. The after-school center is closing sooner than I thought it would. I could hire a sitter, but there aren’t a lot of options around here… I don’t know, I might have to decline the position. It just would have been nice to make my own money, instead of relying on Isaiah’s support checks.”

Jason could see the distress in her eyes. She needed this job desperately. He glanced back through the window at the kids, smiling and laughing. Will had looked so utterly defeated earlier. If that was what he went through on a regular basis, Jason knew he wouldn’t last much longer, especially if his mother couldn’t make her own living. It may have been too forward, but he wanted to help them, to make sure the town didn’t hurt that kid anymore than they already had. Besides, this sweet little family radiated a warmth that had been missing in Jason’s life for so long, the warmth of a home that he never got to have.

“You don’t have to give up the job,” Jason said.

“But what about—”

“I can watch over the kids.”

Mary stared at him. “You can?”

“I mean, only if that’s okay with you.”

“Yes, of course, but you have a life. I can’t ask you to drop everything just to help me.”

“Mary, please, it’s the least I can do. You helped me after Phil—” Jason bit his tongue, unable to finish the thought. “I know how awful these people can be. If I can help your family get by, the way you helped me, it would just give me some peace of mind. I don’t want them to hurt your son.”

Mary wiped a stray tear from her eye and smiled. “Thank you so much, Jay. I promise, I’ll find a way to pay you for it.”

“You don’t need to go overboard, Mary. I’m fine with whatever you can afford. If that happens to be nothing, then I’m happy to work for free.”

“… God, you’re too kind.”

She hugged him tightly. The contact was surprising, and perhaps a little uncomfortable, but he wasn’t about to tell her that. She pulled away, grabbed his shoulders, and shook him slightly.

“Hey, you should stay and hang out with us! You don’t have any dinner plans tonight, do you?”

“Not really, but I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“You’re a friend, Jason. Our home is always open to you. You don’t have to be alone.”

Jason pondered her words. It had been a long time since he had hung out with friends. In fact, this was the longest he had been out of his house in weeks. Perhaps a little dinner wouldn’t hurt.

“Thank you, Mary,” he said. “I’d love to join you guys.”

Mary grinned and pulled him through the front door. It was the first time Jason had actually been in her house. Back in the day, their main hangout place was Jason’s porch. She would come over while her kids were at a friend’s house, and Phil would make drinks for everyone. He was always a good host… Jason shook those thoughts out of his head and looked around the house.

It was small, but very charming. The walls were a mellower shade of pink than the house’s exterior, messily decorated with pictures of the Shapiro family; Mary, her three children, and a tired-looking man: Isaiah Shapiro. Jason hadn’t actually met him in person, and after hearing him that night, he was glad that he hadn’t. Will was a very brave child for putting up with him, and for revealing himself the way that he did. Jason wished he had that strength.

He followed the pictures into the living room, where the children were sitting. Will spotted him, and his face lit up with excitement.

“Jason!” He waved him over to the couch. “These are my sisters. This is Lydia, and that’s Maddie.”

Lydia waved happily from the couch with a crayon in her tiny hand. She had curly brown hair, just like her mother, and sparkly red glasses. Maddie sat beside her, a tiny child with hair as golden as her brother’s, and the brown eyes of her father. She chewed on a plastic baguette and squealed incomprehensibly at Jason. He jumped at her unexpected greeting.

“Is she okay?”

Will nodded. “That means she likes you.”

Jason chuckled. Lydia crawled over to the armrest with a curious smile.

“Did you make those boys cry?” she asked.

“Not really,” Jason said. “I’ve been told I’m not that scary.”

“But did they scream?”

“Oh, definitely, like a pack of frightened birds.”

Lydia cackled and pounded her fist on the couch. “I’m telling everyone in school about this!”

Jason smiled. These children were wacky, but in an endearing sort of way. It was a relief to know that they were doing okay after their father’s arrest. Jason felt someone tug on his shirt and looked down. Will watched him curiously.

“What were you talking about out there?” he asked.

“Oh, uh… Well, I’m going to be looking after you three while your mother is working, if that’s okay with you.”

Will waved his fist excitedly. “That’s perfect! Maybe we can look through your old gnomes now.”

Lydia perked up. “Yes, more for the army! Alvie’s going to eat dirt!”

Jason chuckled. “Wow, you weren’t kidding about the gnomes.”

“They’ve got a whole story planned out, too,” Will said.

“A story?”

Lydia stood up on the couch and posed dramatically. “Two kingdoms, Daisyville and Rosington, fighting for the title of Gnome Supreme! One will succeed, and the other shall burn in the fiery pits of—”

“Lydia!” Mary called out from the kitchen. “Be careful with your words.”

“It’s called Gnome Prison, Mom! I know what I’m doing!”

Jason had to bite his fist to keep from laughing. He loved these kids already. Suddenly, the wondrous smell of garlic and various spices entered the living room. Lydia caught a whiff of it and gasped.

“Is that the chicken?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Mary said in a sweet, sing-songy voice. “Do you want to help bake the cobbler?”

“Peach?”

“You know it.”

In a flash, Lydia hopped down and ran for the kitchen.

“I’ll tell you the rest after dinner, Jason!” she yelled.

As she disappeared through the dining room, Maddie shimmied off of the couch. Jason and Will watched as she slowly wobbled towards the kitchen, still chewing on her toy. She stopped by Jason, squawked at him, and continued her journey. Jason turned to Will and laughed.

“Is it always like this around here?”

“Just until they’re used to you.”

“Ah, I see.”

Jason’s eyes fell on the broken moon piece that still hung around Will’s neck. He smiled and knelt down beside him.

“Hey, since I’m looking after you guys now, I could try and fix your necklace for you.”

Will bounced on his toes. “You could?”

“It might not be perfect, but it’ll be in one piece again.”

“That would be great, thank you!”

Jason smiled. “No problem.”

A loud bit of Maddie-babble echoed from the kitchen, followed by laughter. The addition of the cooking bread made the house smell even better. Jason stood and gestured to where the girls had run off.

“Should we go help them?”

“Sure!”

Will reached his hand out, and Jason took it without hesitation, smiling as he allowed his tiny hand to tug him along. Stepping out of his house may have been absolutely nerve-wracking, but after seeing where it had led him, Jason decided it was the best decision he had ever made. He was having dinner with friends again, talking and joking and laughing like the good old days. In the span of a few minutes, Will Shapiro had already changed his life.

And without even realizing it, Jason had changed Will’s life, too.

#writeblr #writing community #wip: freaks of preston #chapter snippet

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