#because they’re (supposed to be) all about keeping an eye on things. not causing chaos for humans.

[immasock]

Hello.... I just came back from church and I will worship demons again. Anyway, I just came into mind to Nephalem! Mc, (I love really OP MC) and I was forced to read the bible and another version that's the reason I've come to this conclusion. So like it's between Belith (the most powerful demon king who owns 85(?) demon legions) and Seraphina (the female version of the six winged seraphim) they do the nasty and boom demonangel baby whose raised in an human orphanage because God forbids and Bebelith's (uwu) kingdom opposed. And the child somehow almost terrorizes the entire human race without exposing themselves. Imagine those reactions from the bros + dateables hekhek. I really love the bible sometimes you know...

It’s been too long but my god I’m excited to do this one. I always love your ideas

Nephalem!MC + The Obey me boys

Pronouns: They/Them

The chaos

MC grew up as an orphan, going in and out of foster homes and different adoptive parents. It never lasted though. No one knew why. The kid seemed nice enough, if not a little quiet

Some say it was because they were too quiet. They never talked or bonded with the families. Others say that it was because the other families kept having kids of their own and decided they didn’t need MC anymore

But the real reason? The real reason was because they were actually a little terror

They would start out seeming innocent, sure, but that was all a part of their plan

After about a week though? They would start causing all sorts of chaos.

When MC got sent down to the Devildom, they thought it would be the same thing. They’d be there for maybe a month and then be sent back. But no, that’s not quite what happened

Lucifer:

When MC first came through the portal, he wasn’t quite sure what to make of them

He knew that something wasn’t quite right about them but that would have to be an issue for later

He has things to do

He assigned Mammon to deal with them while he went back to his office to check this “humans” file

Except wait

No

They are, in fact, not a human

Well fuck

This didn’t go like he planned

He immediately tells Diavolo, thinking he’d want to send MC back and get a new exchange student

But no

He wants to keep them

Of course 😑

Lucifer can’t do much else besides just proceed as normal, he supposes

But he does keep an eye on the kid

It’s bad enough that he’s got to be responsible for a child, but a Nephalem?

He’s going to be grey by the time the exchange program is over

Mammon:

He genuinely has no clue

I love him but he doesn’t have the faintest idea

MC walks through that portal and he just assumes they’re just some human

Honestly, he won’t figure it out unless he’s told or if he catches them doing something

Even then, he might just assume they’ve been hanging around Solomon too much

He is, however, a great target for MCs chaos

He’s constantly being messed with

His things go missing, only to show up in random places

Grimm will appear and disappear in front of him

You get the gist

He’s easy to mess with

Which is why MC likes to hang around him

But he doesn’t mind too much

Once he warms up to them at least

He enjoys the company

Leviathan:

He also doesn’t know

But it’s mostly just because he doesn’t care

He’s focused on his games and anime

I get the feeling that he would be all over it if he found out though

Like he would think that it’s super cool

He could absolutely figure it out if he decided to dedicate the brain power to it

But he’s got other things to worry about

He’s also pretty easy to mess with

But be careful

He’s not just gonna get over it quickly like Mammon does

While MC could probably take Levi, I wouldn’t recommend it

Maybe avoid doing anything to his collections

Satan:

He figures it out pretty quickly

He’s a smart demon

MC absolutely fascinates him

He spends a bunch of his free time studying them

Trying to figure out anything and everything he can about them

Well

Until MC decides to be a little shit

Books start going missing and showing back up with writing on the pages

His feather boa is nowhere to be found (Though Mammon and Asmodeus aren’t complaining about that one)

At one point, Satan got turned into a cat for a few hours

Okay he didn’t mind that one all that much but still

It’s about the principle

It’s not smart to mess with him either but oh well

Asmodeus:

Every time I do a child!mc, I say the same thing

He absolutely adores them

He thinks they’re adorable and he can’t wait to dress them up

Maybe not this one tho

He still thinks they’re cute and wants to do little fashion shows with them, but it’s not really going to go how he planned

It’s crazy

Makeup isn’t the right color and the clothes keep changing into other clothes

How weird

In reality, MC just doesn’t like being dressed up so they have to make it fun for themselves somehow

I don’t have much to say for Asmo

Except that he’s gonna be a bit of a good sport when it comes to the chaos that is MC

Beelzebub:

Honestly

He also does not notice that there’s something off about the “human”

He’s gonna be easy to mess with as well

But do be careful

Stay away from his food

We’ve all seen the rampages he goes on when someone touches his food

I think that he would just assume that MC is this fragile little child and so he’d try to protect them

But he’s in for a surprise the first time that someone tries to mess with them

You can imagine that he’s speechless when he sees MC, this small child, absolutely demolish some demon

Doesn’t have to be physically

They could verbally destroy some random demon trying to mess with them as well

Either way, he wasn’t expecting it

Belphegor:

Honestly, this could go either way

I don’t think he’d be able to tell right away

Which is where lesson 16 would come in

But I think that, based on how this MC would react, he’d figure out that something isn’t quite right after that

Like

There’s no way in hell this is some normal human, right?

Not after all that

Once he figures it out, he’d be pretty indifferent

He’d be put at ease that there isn’t a human staying with them

And he’d be more than happy to help them cause chaos

Especially if it’s directed towards Lucifer

Somehow tho

I don’t think he’d be that easy to fuck with

I feel like he’d be unbothered by anything they could do to him

Well

Mostly

Diavolo:

Once again, absolutely loves them

Even before he finds out

Which doesn’t take that long

Obviously

Since Lucifer found out and told him

I feel like he would be 100% on board with any mischief that they cause

Having to do all his princely duties all the time is so boring

He enjoys the entertainment

He would probably also be enamored with them

Wanting to see all that they can do

I dunno I wasn’t able to fall asleep last night so my brain isn’t very creative

He would try and involve them and what they can do in things and events

Most likely

He’s just excited

Barbatos:

He knew first

He just didn’t tell anyone

Because why would he?

I swear, this man lives for drama

He would never admit it but it’s true

Anyways

He doesn’t care either

As long as MC doesn’t cause problems

Which they absolutely will

I feel like his attitude towards MC would be similar to what it is with Dia and Luke

Just another child to look after

He’s fond of them tho

Don’t let him tell you otherwise

Simeon:

I don’t have much to say about him

He might be able to tell

Or he might not

If he does, he definitely does that thing he does where he doesn’t outright say he knows, but he drops hints

Like

He might make a passing comment about how MC is similar to some of the angels he knows

And then a day later say how they remind him of one of the brothers

He would definitely wait for MC to outright tell him tho to actually say anything

He’s respectful like that

Solomon:

He knows

Maybe not right away but pretty early on

He’s also absolutely fascinated

He wants to do so many tests on them

Surely they react differently to his potions and spells, no?

Maybe they’ll love his cooking like the rest of them

That’s what he thinks at least

Or not

It’s been a while since I’ve played but I wouldn’t be surprised if he knew no one liked his cooking but he kept doing it just to take the piss

He’s such an asshole and I love him

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me mc #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphie #obey me belphegor #obey me asmo #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me simeon #obey me solomon

[rreskk]

The motel

Set in the North Yankton era!

Summary:  You have been trying hard to keep your sexual relationship with Trevor secret. One risk blew it all. And it all happened in one motel room.

Pairing: Fem!reader/Trevor

TW: -Smut

The motel was dim and hallow.

The 70s wallpaper was barely attached as the remainder would be faded due to the unkind years of passers and criminals (like you). The curtains struggled to reject any outside light source as the street lights would burn your awakened eyes, alarming you of movement that erupted from outside your motel door. It was still, silent, all in solitude despite the figure beside you. Trevor was lied on his side with a cigarette effortlessly stationed between his cracked lips. He was reading a magazine while Michael and Brad claimed the other double kings sized bed. They were fast asleep as minutes would past, almost an hour. The clock reminded you of the night falling and Trevor was still distracted by the pages of printed ink.

You sighed, pulling the covers over your shoulders and reminisced of the past few weeks that was full of mayhem and chaos. Another situation, another trip to a whole new town. You barely see any familiar faces apart from the guys in the room with you. They are the only people you trust, throughout the thick and the thin. Trevor was the closest. Admitting there is sexual tension that resolves during nights of lonely clouds and broken sighs of distant dreams; you’d meet with him for a night together more than once. Stress relief to it’s finest but there is feelings aside. You fear of his behaviour and unpredictive flaws. He fears nothing of you, yet, you have found comfort in his eyes and touch… Not so much with his mouth.

“Fuckin’ reality TV shit.” Trevor judged, smoke evaporating from his mouth as the cigarette wobbled through his words. He was eyeing up the latest news in the magazine.

“Shhhh,” Not wanting to cause disturbance with the sleeping men beside you both, “Lower the tone…” You whispered.

He raised an eyebrow like it was a challenge before hogging the duvet, leaving you attentive and exposed to the cold air. You scoffed at his childish antiques. He stole the warmth and snuffled deeper into his pillow, sending you a devastatingly handsome smirk. You couldn’t hate it.

“I’m cold.” You complained with a smile.

Trevor reached for the ashtray and tapped away some of the ashes built upon his blunt. He grunted as a result of underestimating the distance between him and the nightstand. You watched him with fascination.

“Gimme a reason why we should share the covers.” He soon spoke after retreating the nicotine to his lips. Observing the smoke syncing from his nose and mouth, you were left to realise his offer to debate. He always had a reason to make it a competition.

“Why shouldn’t we?” You questioned.

Trevor looked at you for a minute. He gazed down to the skin revealed from your baggy pyjamas. His eyes lit up with an idea.

“How about this,” He muttered lowly (thankfully following your advice and being quiet), edging closer to your side of the bed, “We both don’t get em. We warm each other up like cavemen, yeah?”

Unfazed as it seems! You were used to these riddles that often preoccupied irrelevant history that doesn’t even apply any reliable facts. You allow him to run his mouth because that’s his only talent besides aggression.

“Why can’t we share?”

“One of us will end up hoggin’ it anyway.” Trevor smirked.

“Look at Brad and Mike… They’re fine with the duvet. Why do you struggle?”

“Struggle? The only thing I struggle with is containing myself when you are lying right beside me.”

Your cheeks submerged in shades of red and pink. It was lucky there were limited lights as you were shamefully blushing.

Trevor breathed out the smoke again, “I don’t suppose you like the idea of fuckin’ when the guys are here.”

The idea was painful… Painfully good. You wanted to justify your opinion but you didn’t want to give yourself into his attempt of gaslighting. He jokingly blackmails you in getting a reaction and you fall every time.

“No, I don’t.”

Not expecting that answer, he exchanged a surprised glance. The cigarette dropped from his mouth and smothered it’s ashes onto the white shirt he wore. Trevor cursed as he wiped it away and threw the wasted blunt across the room, easily agitated that there was no more nicotine streaming through his system.

“I think we should go to sleep instead.” You suggested.

“You kiddin’, right?” Trevor almost begged, “The mood is right, sugar. If we keep it low-“

“Hush!” He immediately stopped his sentence. He rolled his eyes as you double checked that Mike and Brad was still asleep.

“You killjoy.”

You sighed, “Better safe than sorry.”

“Sorry for what? It ain’t our fault we are cramped in this shitty square room.”

“Technically… It is.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Trevor mumbled, holding eye contact through his eyebrows, “Can we please… I’m desperate.”

Slowly averting your eyes to the duvet that covered his lower body, you measured the pros and cons of the situation. He was fidgeting with his shirt like it was suffocating his body. You held your breath and nodded.

“Fine…” His eyes went wide with anticipation, “But!” His pupils dilated at your warning, “We are quiet. Almost silent.”

Trevor frantically nodded, “Quiet, vanilla, kinky, I don’t care.”

“I’m serious. They don’t know about us yet.”

“They’ll find out eventually, even if it’s tonight.”

“Trevor.” You insisted.

He threw his head back and groaned to minimal volume, “Fine…”

“Please, we’ll be quiet, promise?”

“Promise.” A small smile plastered across his compulsive frown.

Moments like these were treasurable. The room was peaceful and well. Brad’s heavy breathing and Michael’s light snoring. You felt Trevor move closer… A gasp left your mouth when he laid sloppy kisses across your jaw and neck. It was mesmerising. He sneakily threw his arm around your waist and tugged you into his neck kisses, applying more heaviness and passion, deciding to use his tongue and scratch the surface of your skin. You groaned silently before turning your head and meeting him.

“Don’t leave obvious marks.” You whispered against his wet lips. Your eyes were closed yet you felt him grin.

His hot breath penetrated your mouth, “I’ll leave em where they can’t see.”

Grasping for more air, he hooked his pinkie to your shirt, dragging it down so your breasts were on display.

“No bra… You wanted this to happen.” You could hear him murmur before taking a nipple into his mouth, tormenting it’s skin with his drool and saliva.

“Trevor…”

“Perfect… Oh, mama, you got the finest tits of em all.”

“Shh,” Secretly loving his risk, you didn’t want to shush him… But you knew this would rile him up more.

His mouth was owning the tip of your breast. He was making love to it with squalled moans of satisfaction. You held back a plea, suddenly feeling like you were making more noise than you hoped.

“I’m so horny for you.” He muffled with your tits in his mouth.

The sight was arousing for no reason. You lied there in the hands of this desperate man and he’s sucking your breasts, talking sweet and drooling uncontrollably. There were lines of his saliva dripping down your stomach. His eyes were maddening, wide, staring into yours. Now you couldn’t hold back.

“S-Stop, they’ll know!” You hissed.

Trevor chuckled breathily and moved away from your bruised torso. He was now hovering over you, a beast in action, a hunter searching for prey. The tongue slivered out of his mouth and circulated around your lips before he finally kissed you, fighting away your shame and anxiousness.

Drowning in the kiss, you broke away and panted, “Fuck you,” His smile growing wild and teeth showing. You gripped onto his shoulders, “Fuck you, fuck you… Just fucking fuck me,” Hushed whispers disturbed the silence of the room.  

“Easy, tiger.” The torturer sieved.

You frowned and he shook his head.

“You have some spike, girlfriend,” Trevor adjusted his bulge, “Fuckk, I’m so horny.”

Trevor leaned onto his elbows, head sunken against your chin as he watched you take off your panties. They were entangled around your ankles, you couldn’t kick them off considering he was already feasting upon your sex. He laid two fingers and rubbed across your wetness, pleased with the sight of it.

“Come on.” You whispered.

Trevor pulled out his boner. It was twitching and red with tensity. His tip was crying bloody murder as it looked strangled with his unleashed orgasm. You placed your arms around his shoulders again and waited for the push.

“Shit.” He whined. Trevor pushed himself in and you both jolted at the impact. The bed squeaked, even though he wasn’t at his hardness yet. You cringed when it kept on slamming against the thin wall.

“Fuckin’… Hold on…” A pillow was snatched from your neck and shoved in between the gap that created the banging and squeaking. Trevor thrusted to test the sound and when you couldn’t hear anymore obvious bangs, his face lit up with exaggeration and sped up his pace.

“Shit, Trevor.” You eyes fell to the others until he grabbed your chin and forced you to look at him, and only him.

“Pay attention to me, [Y/n]. Don’t worry about them.” The command was exotic, distinct, intimate.

The silent grunts he made was heavenly. The seductive charm he held while holding eye contact as he fucked you, it was hard not to squeal and open the closed mouth of yours. Instead, he did it for you.

“Fuuuckkk!” Trevor sturdily increased his pace when a large moan escaped. You gasped and slammed a palm against his lips, refraining any echoes of your devilish activity to wake the peace of Michael and Brad. His eyes flew back as your dominant hand restricted his moans. He loved being a menace and having the consequences.

“R-Remember…” You struggled, “Be quie- fuck…”

He was rigid now. The thrusts turned into longing grinds and you both arched your backs in neediness. Your legs were shaking against his ones. Trevor’s tongue met the palm of your hand, almost as though he forgot it was there. He licked you animalistically while slamming more power into fucking you. You had to bite your lip and plead him with eyes to not make a single sound.

“Mhmmm, Trev…”

He panted against your hand.

“Trevor, fuck.”

The slapping sensation of your skins bounced off the walls.

“F-Fuck… Fuck…”

Trevor, having his right of speech taken away, watched you with tears in his eyes, rapidly beating against your clit like it was pleasurable pain. His nose was scrunched up and tongue was numbly licking between your fingers. He muffled grunts and lonely effects that his eyes portrayed everything he wanted to say.

“Keep going.” You begged.

The foulness of sweat pasted it’s scent into the air. It was so strong that even you could smell it. However, you’d think of an excuse when morning comes but rightfully so, you were too intense in his physical friction that feeling an orgasm rise was the only think pestering your ungodly mind.

“I’m close.”

He nodded.

“I’m so close.”

Trevor threw his head back from your hands and gurgled a everlasting whine.

“I love you, I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU!” He cried.

You felt him break character as he’d thrust one more, hitting the sensitive part of your sex and suddenly, you body shook in ecstasy and white cum dribbled out of your clit. Trevor coughed due to lack of air and pulled out just in time to violate your sweaty stomach with his fluids, preaching it’s place on your body and staining the coloured sheets. He collapsed onto you.

Now it was silent again.

You kept an ear out and heard Michael and Brad’s sleepiness before letting yourself sink into the mattress in relief. Trevor perched his face up and looked at you.

“Fuck, I can’t breathe.” He smirked.

“They didn’t wake up, thankfully.”

“Are you warm now?”

You chuckled, “Yes, yes I am.”

Trevor remained snuggled onto your nakedness and nuzzled his nose into your jaw. You assumed he wasn’t going to move so you closed your eyes and let sleep creep up, a whole world of imagination knocking on the door. With warmth of his love and physical affection, it was easy to fall asleep. No duvet, no pillows, just him.

--

--

“Why’d we leave so early?” Trevor complained with a hot coffee in his hands, sitting beside Michael and people stalking from the cafes window.

“The motel wanted us out before 10,” Added Michael, “It was in the rules.”

The café was quiet and the four of you claimed the dark corner. Both Mike and Brad ordered some breakfast but… You felt quite full up, especially from last night. You guessed Trevor wasn’t eager for food either. He kept close eyes on you and a hidden smirk that embedded the memories. You couldn’t warn him so you had to ignore him.

“Next time we are in a motel with 2 beds, I’m sharing one with [Y/n]. Your bed breath kills me, Mikey.” Bradley laughed.

The mention of your name took Trevor by surprise and he immediately glared over. You hoped he wouldn’t say anything obvious. He was known for having a loud mouth… You could prove it by the times you’ve slept with him.

“If you think I want to smell that rotten piece of shit in the mornin’!” His hand gripping harder on the mug, “You can shit on my dick. I’m stickin’ with [Y/n].” The humour being disturbing.

Michael raised an eyebrow, “That’s not the only reason.”

You all looked at him. Trevor’s eyes widened in curiosity while you could easily hide under the table and hibernate from embarrassment.

“Oh, right.” Brad simply said.

“What?”

“We all know, Trev.”

“All know what?”

Mike rolled his eyes, “Last night. We heard.”

You closed your eyes and grimaced.

“Oh,” Trevor hummed, “Well, in that case, me and [Y/n] need to confess something.”

“We do?” You choked on your drink.

He grinned, “Oh yeah we do.” The table washes over with suspense as he locked eyes with you, “We’ve been doing it for about a year now.”

Michael’s reaction was appalling. He scoffed in disgust and refused to look in Trevor’s direction.

“What! Don’t act like a virgin. What makes this weird?” Trevor frowned.

“Jesus… Is this an official relationship?” He inquired.

You thought to yourself and found no answer. Neither did Trevor.

Brad sighed, “That answers it.”

#trevor philips x reader #trevor philips/reader #trevor philips #trevor gta #gta v #gta 5 #grand theft auto v #grand theft auto 5 #grand theft 5 #grand theft auto #trevor philips fanfiction

[copyquat]

Having lightcannon feelings so may i present you with:

Random SG Lightcannon Headcanons From Someone Who Has Never Read Official SG Material (aka, me ranting about how these two exist rent free in my head)

-they go to a private school. this is only really important because i really like the idea of jinx calculating exactly how much effort she needs to put in to stay in the same school as lux while doing as little as possible

-jinx is still the smartest person in class though and it kinda bugs lux that she puts so much effort in to her schooling while jinx puts the absolute minimum knowing she could easily have as good if not better grades

-on to more actual relationship stuff lux is a lot less uptight with jinx than you’d expect at least before becoming saviors of the planet. jinx is the only person she knows and trusts she doesn’t have to be the perfect child around and having spent so long around jinx she’s developed a bit of a gremlin side

-she has absolutely asked jinx for help sneaking out to watch a movie or go to a concert and has on a lot more than one occasion been a willing accomplice in jinx’s mayhem

-she has also occasionally been the one to instigate the chaos i.e. she sometimes goes up to jinx like “these assholes deserve it how do we get back at them?”

-auntie jinx is so proud

-their relationship starts to deteriorate a bit when they become star guardians, jinx only joined because lux did and they’re joined at the hip (they promised to stay together “till the end of the world” when they were kids) but lux feels the need to be responsible because of they whole protecting the world thing

-jinx has for the longest time only ever cared about staying with lux but lux having daily training and getting on her case for not taking being a star guardian super seriously is starting to bug her

-lux on the other hand is stressed trying to be the perfect child and the perfect leader and started bottling her feelings up, at times lashing out at jinx cause she’s unfortunately an easy target (she always regrets it immediately if not soon after doing so) and is also maybe having a bit of gay panic when jinx disappears for the first time and she realizes she might like her best friend a bit more than she “should”

-this is not at all made better when ezreal becomes a star guardian and classic jinx jealousy starts to boil up

-on ez i like the idea that while he is interested in lux he eventually realizes “omg these bitches gay” and starts to wingman for them :P

-lux doesn’t realize jinx definitely has feelings for her as well until she has an argument with poppy about how jinx doesn’t care about saving the world. lux insists she does but poppy goes off “no she doesn’t! she cares about you! she joined because YOU did, she keeps coming back cause YOUR STILL HERE, and every time she looks at you she’s got these big stupid lovesick puppy eyes! im sick off watching you two dance around each other just fucking kiss already!”

-lux is flabbergasted at the idea jinx might (definitely) feels the same way but also feels guilty about being the reason jinx put herself in such a dangerous role to begin with

-jinx on the other hand naturally has self worth issues and doesn’t feel she’s good enough for lux and is absolutely terrified of lux not wanting to be her friend anymore

-sometimes after she runs away she has a meltdown terrified that this was the last straw and when she goes back lux will have had enough of her

-but lux can’t ever get enough of jinx though of course. they’re best friends after all and they promised they’d be together forever, till the end of the world…

-some other minor things when lux can get mimi into not a wand form she joins shiro and kuro’s mischief making and is unnaturally fine with whatever the balls of chaos do (i wonder who this is supposed to represent :P)

-i like the idea of vi having purple hair in the sg universe since most characters have different hair colors and i think itd be funny for sg vi and jinx to have swapped their canon hair color hues and also it still fits with her name

-i also like the idea of before vi eventually shows back up into jinx’s life cait is kinda a big sister for jinx

-she’s a local cop and once helped jinx with a panic attack when she was younger and now has a soft spot for her despite her many many trouble making misadventures

-when jinx was moving in with her team she had to carry all her stuff on foot cause she doesn’t have a car and cait saw her and offered to help

-jinx ended up being the first one fully moved in and absolutely rubbed it in poppy’s face :P

#jinx lol #lux lol #star guardian #sg jinx #sg lux #lightcannon #random thoughts #sorry if this doesnt fit into canon but this has been on my mind for awhile and i needed it out #they have infested my brain #*affectionate #league of lesbians #arcane #jinx #lux #league of legends

[lightofthemoonglow]

running up that hill: part four

summary: finally reunited, but it's still not easy

series masterlist

contains: smut

note: it feels obvious, but i'm going to say it. they're speaking spanish for the most part during the Peru segments unless otherwise noted.

cowritten with @deviantdrkate

i. good god, let me give you my life (June 2000)

It’s nearly summer, the time of year when modest cardigans and thick pantyhose are discarded in favor of short sleeves and bare legs. Elena had been feeling bold that morning, so she had chosen to wear short sleeves and a skirt that showed off a bit more leg than usual, though her legs are still clad in thigh-highs, which she knows Herbert will appreciate. Less fumbling, they could get down to business quicker.

Though it seems like there isn’t going to be any ‘business’ today.

“Vee, what’s going on? I get to the chapel and apparently West has been reassigned?”

“The new doctor requested him specifically.” Vanessa offers Elena a mint, which she declines. “He’s kind of cute. Fresh out of med school, apparently. I guess he was highly recommended, so they’re giving him whatever he wants.”

Elena sighs and her hand goes to run through her hair, but her fingers meet the cloth of her veil instead. “I don’t care how cute he is. He can’t just poach my assistant and expect me to be fine with it. And not that it matters, but if he’s just out of med school, he’s a bit too young for my tastes. If I had any.”

The way Vanessa’s eyes twinkle make it clear what she’s thinking, because Vanessa has hinted that she knows something more is going on. She’s not a threat and maybe she’d be a safe person to tell. But Elena knows she needs to be careful and that means not telling a soul, not even her friend. By now, she’s become an expert liar. At least in one area. It just rolls off her tongue and the bitter aftertaste that used to follow isn’t even there anymore.

“Let’s set aside the subject of eye candy. Tell me about school,” Elena says as they near the part of the infirmary where Herbert is.

“It’s going great. Honestly, it’s a lot easier than I thought it would be. By this time next year, I’ll be…somewhere else.” Once she was an RN, rather than the LPN she was now, so many more doors would be open. Classes and work at the prison made for a full plate, but Vanessa had proved she could handle it. And with an actual doctor installed at the prison, things should only be easier. Assistant poaching aside, it’s a cause for celebration.

“That’s great!”

“Are you still going to throw a party to celebrate when you take your final vows?”

“That’s a few months away.” There’s a pause and Elena quickly fills the silence. “But probably, yes.”

Whenever she thinks about that day, it feels like the countdown to some unspecified disaster. Taking her final vows is supposed to be a good thing, she’s been working towards this for a long time. But deep down, it feels wrong. She knows why and she knows that she needs to back out.

But for what? A cruel voice in the back of her mind asks, taunting her with the truth. They don’t have a future, not for a long time. Such a long time away that it might as well not exist. What’s she supposed to do? Just wait for the next decade and a half, at the very least. For all she knew, the warden would find some reason to keep Herbert locked up for longer, and then their best years would be behind them. Or maybe he’d never get out and she would have wasted her entire life on waiting.

The sounds of chaos from down the hall jolts Elena out of her thoughts. There’s yelling, the guards are being whipped into a frenzy even before they open the door just as Elena and Vanessa arrive.

Moses isn’t himself. He’s practically snarling, trying to attack anyone who gets near him. Elena steps in front of Vanessa as the chaos gets too close to them, willing to shield her friend with her body if she had to.

It’s a whirlwind of madness and in the middle of it, her eyes meet Herbert’s and she just knows why this is happening.

--

Instead of going back to his cell, Herbert goes to the chapel, where he knows she will be waiting.

Elena just stares at him for a moment or two, the silence almost smothering them. She speaks first, crossing her arms over her chest.

“What did you do?”

“It wasn’t my fault.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Moses died. Dr. Phillips had some of my reagent.”

“How-?”

Herbert explains the why and how, Elena’s expression going from curiosity to horror to understanding during his tale. It’s mostly things she’s heard before but something about having someone else who was actually there back then makes it feel so much more real.

“So you’re going to get back to your work, aren’t you?”

Though she’s not even sure why she’s asking, because she knows the answer. The work is a part of him, she knows that too. He’s a scientist, no matter what, above everything else. Even a man. And she will be at his side, even if only metaphorically, every step of the way. It’s what she had promised when she had told him that they would part and never be parted, that they would live lifetimes.

“Of course.” Herbert’s tone makes it clear what he thinks of her question. “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for an opportunity like this?”

“I know, I know. And I want you to but it’s just-“

“Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course.”

They’re nearly nose to nose, getting defensive over what would seem like nothing to an outsider. But there’s so much running under the surface, tension and fear coming forth to meet the very real possibility that all of this could change.

“I just…don’t want anything bad to happen.” Elena’s voice is tinged with the raw emotion that’s threatening take over.

“What could happen?”

“A lot of things! Like being thrown into super max for the rest of your life. And then I’d never see you again and that would be-“

Herbert doesn’t want to think about that. Or anything but the best possible outcome. So he kisses her instead, sealing his mouth over Elena’s, his tongue shoving its way into her mouth. Now is not the time to think of how it could all go wrong. His hands reach under her skirt, delighting in the feeling of her bare upper thighs, his fingers slipping into her underwear, unable to stop once he started.

“You have no idea what this means, but that’s alright,” he murmurs in her ear as he slips two fingers inside of her, slowly moving them, teasing her as his other hand undoes the first few buttons of her blouse. “This is an extraordinary thing, mein Liebling.” His teeth sink into her neck, breaking skin that would thankfully be hidden by her clothing once it was properly back on.

Seeing the reagent again, after so many years, makes him feel that fire that had burned so brightly when he had been at Miskatonic. That ideal future is closer than it had been this morning. But what matters most is having his work back, the prospect of being back in a lab after so many years making him go into a frenzy. His hands are working quickly, sloppily as the euphoria over finally getting the missing piece of himself back is channeled into the current activity.

It's lucky that Elena brought a bag in today because in Herbert’s frenzy to get her underwear off, he rips them to the point of ruin, tossing the fabric aside as if it were nothing. She’s never seen him like this before. He almost seems possessed, his movements frantic as he maneuvers her onto the floor, nearly tearing her skirt in his eagerness to be inside of her.

“It shouldn’t take long for me to produce a new batch. Once that happens, I’ll begin to integrate it with the new ideas I’ve come up with during my time here and after that…” The shifting of her hips cuts off what he’s about to say next, though Herbert doesn’t stop his movements, which are rough enough that there is going to be carpet burn all over her rear and the back of her thighs, which will pair nicely with the soreness she’ll be feeling later and the bruises in the shape of his fingers all over her thighs and hips.

“Are you sure?” Elena asks, lust nearly slurring her words.

“Yes. And when my work is complete, I want you to be the first.” The thrusts are slowing down, though his grip doesn’t loosen. “You deserve it.” He wants her to be the first recipient of what he sees as a gift. It’s the only way he can tell her just how much she means to him without actually saying those three words.

After all, you would only make someone you love immortal.

“What if I wind up like Moses?” Seeing what could happen makes the bottom of her stomach drop out and she looks at him, eyes wide with concern.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

The rutting begins again, one of his hands moving up her body, stopping at the spot between her collarbones. “Nothing like that will ever happen to you. You will remain perfect.” The merciless rhythm is robbing her of words, but the way she’s looking at him says more than enough.

Those strong, rough fingers wrap around her throat, though there is no pressure. Not yet. Her hands are free, she can push him away. But instead, she reaches up and puts her hand on his, pressing down ever so slightly.

She trusts him more than he thought, and he nods, lightly applying pressure as he continues fucking her into the floor, nearly slamming her head into the pew they had somehow wound up near. “We’ll live lifetimes, you and I. It may take some time, but we will.”

The determination to live up to his promise makes him somehow go even faster, the hand not on her neck going to her clitoris, so she could find her pleasure before he does. Herbert is thinking of the future as his end nears, of more promises he can make. He pictures them outside of these walls, somewhere lush and vibrant, a place for them and no one else. As always, he must pull out and finish himself on her, rather than inside.

As his hands works his cock furiously, he thinks about being able to finish in her, of what could result from that. He knows what could happen, he’s seen the results in nearly every context possible. And yet, the mere idea of doing that to her, of giving her a piece of himself in a way, brings him over the edge, his spend splashing onto her skin as he thinks of her carrying his child.

It's an impulsive thought, brought on by the excitement over new possibilities in life.

But it manages to stick.

ii. can’t say i'm not alive (September 2003)

The sound of her fists slamming against the front door startles Herbert out of the daze he had been in ever since he had looked into the eyes that have haunted him awake and asleep for over three years. It hits him that he’d had her for a fraction of the time he’s been mourning her, but he’s quickly brought back to reality when she yells, demanding he hand over the child.

Herbert can’t deny it’s her. He memorized her face so long ago, spent so long dedicating himself to the act, that it’s engrained in his mind. He knows her face as well as his own, maybe even better. Her voice has been slipping away recently, but he still remembers enough to recognize it anywhere. It’s not logical, but it must be her.

“Open the door!” Elena is louder now, the rage building in her voice. So he opens the door.

This is not the reunion he had imagined, when he had indulged in fantasies of seeing her again. Herbert would never admit to how much he had wanted the previously impossible. He had thought about opening a door and her being on the other side. She would smile and say that she was home now. He wouldn’t ask where she had been, or why she had been gone, because there would be lifetimes left for questions.

But instead of a gentle embrace, Elena charges through the door the moment it opens, slamming her body into his. There’s barely any time for him to think about how he’d never thought of her being capable of such fury before she stills, staring down at the space between their bodies. In all the chaos, Herbert had forgotten about the needle in his pocket. It was a mild steroid, part of his work. He had been about to inject it into one of the iguanas in the basement, having found a moment to work while Johanna napped upstairs. The baby monitor on his workstation would have alerted him to her waking, but he’s not thinking about the child right now.

“What was in the needle?” Elena asks, her voice rather steady, considering the situation. It’s then that he realizes that she had been injected. The fact that it had been in the shoulder is of little comfort

“Just a mild steroid. It’s nothing dangerous.” Herbert forces himself to be composed as he steps back, inspecting her in a more clinical sense than he had ever had before. Her t-shirt’s thin fabric had allowed the needle to penetrate her skin, but the contents had been so mild that she has nothing to worry about in the long run.

“Why do you have that?” Elena asks, her hand going to her shoulder. It may be sore, he realizes and then she wobbles, suddenly unsteady on her feet. “And where is my daughter?”

“Johanna is upstairs. She was taking a nap, but the racket likely woke her up. I can go get her right now, if that is what you would like.” Herbert speaks carefully, every word measured, despite being on the verge of screaming one of his many questions into her face. “Mrs. Vidal, I insist that you have a seat. You may start to experience side effects of the injection soon.” It’s an intentional error on his part, he needs to find certain things out without asking directly.

“Miss. Not Mrs. I’m not married,” Elena says as she follows him into the kitchen, not taking the assistance he offers, even after she practically lurches across the floor to get into one of the chairs. “It’s just the two of us.”

A part of Herbert feels pleased at her statement. That is until the full implications of everything hit him all at once. The familiar elements in the toddler’s face had not been a product of his imagination. He had not been projecting his own musings about the daughter he had been trying to not think about for so long. There was no psychological issue. The girl is his offspring.

“I feel nauseous. Is this normal?” Elena asks, bringing Herbert out of his thoughts.

“That depends. Have you eaten recently?” The quick shake of her head gets a nod from him in return. “That is to be expected. And what medications are you on?” It’s a logical question, he would ask any other patient this. Though the next one is not, but he needs to truly know if he’s been replaced. “Are you on birth control?”

“Yes, to all of those. I take a birth control pill, it’s a generic monophasic one. As for my other meds, I take Zoloft daily and Xanax as needed. I don’t remember the exact dosages off the top of my head but if you really need to know, I can go get them.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Herbert says. “May I ask why you’re on the Zoloft and Xanax?”

“There was some…trouble a few months after my daughter was born. And honestly before. It’s a long story, and there are a lot of gaps in my memory, but to sum it all up, I came all the way from Massachusetts for a reason.” She tried to laugh, but the brief sound was hollow. It wasn’t funny, not to any of them. “And that is probably why I got so upset.”

Herbert was putting it together, his mind racing as it always did when he was finding an answer to a question that had been plaguing him. “It’s alright,” he said, forcing himself to stay calm. “You have every right to your feelings,” he adds, borrowing a phrase he’s heard Dan use several times. Before Elena can respond, she bends over, arms wrapped around her stomach. Herbert moves quickly, grabbing a bowl from under the sink. Nothing should come up, but he’s learned the value of keeping a bowl nearby for things like this. “Thank you,” Elena mumbles, setting the bowl on her lap.

Moving quickly, Herbert gets one of Dan’s granola bars out of the cabinet and hands it to her. “Eat this. Slowly. You need it.” Elena nods and unwraps it, which brings some sort of sensation to the pit of Herbert’s stomach. Even right now, with her slowly eating the granola bar and her expression one of her nervousness tinged with nausea, Herbert is entranced by her. He wants to push her hair behind her ears and rest his hand on her shoulder. The memories of the small intimacies they had shared start seeping back and he’s grateful for the sound of footsteps on the stairs.

“What’s going on?” Dan asks, yawning as he walks into the kitchen. Herbert has no time to react before Dan sees Elena, stopping halfway into the room. “Herbert….who is this?”

“This is Elena Vidal, Johanna’s mother.” Herbert does his best to use his face to tell Dan to remain calm. This is a fragile moment, even he realizes this. It’s her, he knows this. And she’s right here, looking at the two of them questioningly. “Miss. Vidal, this is my colleague, Daniel Cain.”

There is not a flicker of recognition in her eyes as she stands to greet Dan, who thankfully looks more tired than anything else. Herbert knows that Dan will be bombarding him with questions once they’re alone, so he takes his time packing up Johanna’s things, though he leaves the stuffed bear that the girl loves so much. Dr. Mac will have to be separated from its owner for a while. He needs a reason to see them again. It’s the first step in his still forming plan.

Johanna eagerly runs to her mother when Herbert brings her downstairs. Elena refuses any help to carry her things back, and Herbert has to watch them go, staring at them from the window until they vanish from sight.

iii. maybe someday, I’ll be lucky (April 2000)

“I don’t see the point in engaging in this discussion.”

Elena just giggles at Herbert’s statement, wrinkling her nose a little. “That’s the idea. There is no point. It’s just for fun.” She lovingly runs a finger along his jaw, teasing him. Her legs are slung across his lap, it’s as close as they dare. The guard on duty is the one that often sleeps on the job, and it is lunchtime for most of the other inmates. They can be a little reckless, they can sit this closely. Her veil is on the floor, her hair is loose. For a moment, they feel almost…normal.

“I still fail to the see point in picking names for a child yet to be born.”

“It’s not set in stone. Come on, you never thought about it?”

“I never even considered having one until-.” He stops, realizing what he’s about to say. They try not to talk about the thing that hangs between them. Their lack of a real future. The look on her face makes him change course, hopefully distracting her. “I would not name a child after my parents. Their lack of any sort of impact on my life disqualifies them.”

Elena smiles sadly for a moment, cupping his jaw in her hand. “Then we’ll name none of our children after our parents. My parents already have enough children named after them.” She’s gained several new nieces and nephews since they had met and two had been named after her parents in some way. They would be fine if these hypothetical children didn’t bear their names.

A part of her needs to believe that there’s another world somewhere, a universe where this discussion isn’t so painful. There must be a place where they’re talking about this in their own home, the yellow house from her dreams, and they’re agreeing to wait several years before they start planning, but it would happen one day. There would be time.

The idea that they’re doomed no matter what is something she can’t take, not right now.

“The only person that I would bestow that honor on is Dr. Gruber.”

Upon hearing that, the smile on her face isn’t quite so sad anymore.

iv. come up to meet you (September 2003)

“Herbert, no. Let me do it.”

Of course, Dan’s protests are ignored, and Herbert continues his journey up the walkway. The bear is in hand, and he’s approaching the little house at the edge of town where his wife and child are residing. The fact that he had been able to wait several hours before going to return the stolen toy was a sign of his improved impulse control. Though stealing the bear in the first place basically negated that.

“I have to talk to her, Dan. You don’t-“

“If you say that I don’t understand…. dammit Herbert.” Dan drags his hand down his face, letting out a deep sigh. It would be hypocritical of him to stop his friend, not after what he had done to get Meg back. But there must be a better way to go about this than what Herbert is planning. He’s planning on the long game, it seems. Becoming a part of her life, waiting for her to remember. And if she doesn’t…. Dan doesn’t want to think about that. It feels wrong for Herbert to play this half-false role.

But all Herbert cares about is getting what he’s been wanting for years. He knows it would work, because it worked before. They had worked before, and they would work again. They had made vows and neither of them were the sort to take that sort of thing lightly. For once, answers could wait.

Maybe, as long as he has her back, Herbert would be content without answers. That’s the best Dan can hope for, and even that feels impossible.

Herbert knocks on the door, Dan hanging back a few feet, as if to stay out of a blast zone. Every worst-case scenario runs through his head in 90 or so seconds that it takes for Elena to come to the door. “Hey, I was just about to call you. I think my daughter left her…”

“Her bear.” Herbert holds up the stuffed animal, forcing his face to stay neutral as he takes in the sight of her. She’s changed her clothes, swapping the jeans and a t-shirt for a pair of shorts and a cutoff shirt that is high enough to reveal the scar on her abdomen. It’s raised, a tad crooked. The work of a butcher and in his anger, it takes Herbert a moment to realize that it’s a cesarean scar and that the same incompetents had delivered her daughter. His daughter.

Their daughter

“Thank you,” Elena says, taking the toy from him, their fingers brushing together. It brings him back to before, having to make do with brief touches because there were often eyes on them. “Do you have time to have some coffee? I just put on a pot.”

“We should-.” Dan starts to speak, but Herbert cuts him off, not even bothering to shoot him a glare.

“We have plenty of time.”

Nothing else matters, not right now. As he walks through the front door of her home, not even the work is relevant. Herbert’s eyes are fixed on Elena, taking in everything. He walks a little too close to her, watching the way her body moves from behind, silently marveling over the sight of her bare legs. It’s one of the small things that had been denied to them, among many other things. The sunlight catches in her hair and it’s another thing that’s new to him.

“Again, I have to apologize for my cousin. I think she just…panicked and did what she thought was best.” Elena glances at them over her shoulder, and Herbert shakes his head in response.

“Our goal here does include community outreach. And it was for the greater good. We thought that it would be best to allow your grandparents time to rest and recover without having to worry about taking care of a child. At their age, the flu is far more dangerous for them than it is for us.” Behind Herbert, Dan makes a face, as if he’s disagreeing with it. In his mind, there had been no ‘we’, this had been one of Herbert’s ideas and his idea alone. What was he supposed to do? Throw a toddler out on the streets?

But Elena doesn’t notice the look on Dan’s face, she’s only looking at Herbert. Dan wonders if they would even notice if he left.

“So where are you two from?” Elena asks as she pours out the coffee, Herbert noting that she takes it with cream and sugar, while he takes it black.

“Dan is from Washington, DC and I’m from Canada. But both of us attended medical school in Massachusetts-“ Herbert is cut off by the sound of Elena suddenly setting her mug on the table, her hands trembling in excitement.

“Really? Because that’s where I’m from! Born and raised!” Elena’s face lights up and she switches to English, her accent stronger as she speaks in her native tongue. “Did you go to Miskatonic?”

“No. Harvard.” Dan kicks Herbert under the table, knowing that he needed to lie. It makes him part of the whole…thing that is surely going to come from this, but he can’t let Herbert blow up their lives here. It’s been fine over the last few years, he’s content. But he can’t let Herbert take control of the situation, not when there’s a child involved.

“Still a great school. I’m biased, because I grew up in Arkham. But it’s not far, so we were probably practically neighbors.” Elena’s eyes are on Herbert and he feels that warmth that came with being in her orbit for the first time in a long time.

#my writing #herbert west x oc #sorry about the very end i was going through it at the time of writing

[toournextadventure]

I just had the funniest Baby!Birb idea that made me cackle.

It begins like this, Birb has been Baby!Birb for a few hours by now while her friend group and Weems are all sorting a schedule out on who can help take care of Baby!Birb at what times, all that Jazz. Meanwhile, Baby!Birb has been distracted by Thing and some little trinkets Weems keeps for Big!Birb to mess with when she’s in her office all the while giggling.

Anyway, Bianca all the sudden notices that it’s been very quiet for about 10 minutes and she looks over to where Baby!Birb and Thing are supposed to be, but neither of them are there. So she goes ‘where’d they go?’ And that triggers another school wide search.

Now this next part is what had me laughing.

As seen in the show, and your au, Enid has a shit ton of stuffed animals, plushies whatever you call them. They can’t find Baby!Birb or Thing anywhere they’ve looked. They’ve looked in Eugene’s shed, Birb’s dorm, all of Big!Birb’s usual hiding spots/perches. They can’t find her. So they reconvene to Enid and Wednesday’s dorm room, discussing they’re next course of action when Ajax suddenly looks over to the pile of plushies Enid has because he swears he saw something move out of the corner of his eye.

Glowing eyes meet his.

Ajax screams bloody murder which causes everyone but Wednesday and Bianca to scream as well with Ajax falling into Xaiver, Enid and Eugene grabbing each other, Davina to jump into Yoko’s arms Scooby-Doo and shaggy style, Wednesday to smirk at the chaos and Bianca to shake her head at everything.

Giggling erupts from the pile as several plushies are tossed away because Baby!Birb had curled her wings around herself then piled plushies around her, with Thing’s help of course. When Thing is questioned why, he just says he’d thought it would be fun. The reasoning that Enid, nor Yoko heard anything (because I’m assuming they had supernatural senses with being a Werewolf and Vamp respectively) was because they were too worried about Baby!Birb and Enid’s plushies did a good job of muffling Baby!Birb’s breathing and heartbeat. Plus her wings created like a sound barrier, trapping the sound in the confines of her wings.

First? I love how you just know Weems keeps trinkets in her office specifically for Big!Birb. We all know that bitch can't focus on anything to save her life.

But yes, Bianca would absolutely be the one to know that it's too quiet. Weems and Wednesday are too focused on coming up with a solution and everyone else is... well, we've seen how helpful they are (lovingly). And after BabyBirb scares the everloving shit out of them, you know that kid is giggling like a little fiend. Having the time of her life, Thing is officially her new partner in crime, and everyone is still trying to catch their breath again

It's at that moment that they realise okay, maybe this will be a bit harder than they thought. With Thing as an accomplice and at least part of Big!Birb's scheming and pranking, it is going to be a very difficult job to keep track of BabyBirb

#answered #kid!birb #babybirb

[ant1quarian]

Bad Sanses Incorrect Quotes - Eldritch Sanses addition

Woo boy there’s a lot of these. I want to thank the Incorrect Quote generator that I found for this and the person that made it. You did a thing.

Nightmare = Ephialtes

Dust = Massacre

Killer = Slaughter

Cross = Xans

Axe (HT!Sans) = Hatchet

Blueberry = Indigo (Yes, Eldritch Blueberry- or Indigo- is officially part of the Bad Sanses. Because his character as an Elskel works better with them)

---

Ephialtes: Alright, which one of us is gonna check outside? Massacre: Not it! Slaughter: Not it! Ephialtes: ...Neither one of you are as dumb as you lead on to be.

---

Hatchet: You know what? Hatchet: When I join this friend group I thought we’d be off causing havoc and chaos. *Ephialtes, Slaughter and Massacre continue screaming about mold water* Hatchet: Not this shit. Xans: I dunno, sounds like you need to drink the mold water.

---

Massacre: Hatchet's first detention, I'm so proud. Slaughter: Whoa, back up. Why did they get detention? Ephialtes: Because they're an idiot. Xans, terrified: They can do that??

---

Xans: Where’s Ephialtes? Massacre: Doing stuff. Xans: I don’t like the sound of that. Where’s Slaughter? Massacre: Trying to stop Ephialtes from doing the stuff. Xans: And Hatchet? Massacre: Trying to stop Slaughter from stopping Ephialtes from doing the stuff. Xans: I see. And what are you doing here, Massacre? Massacre: I’m supposed to stop you from stopping Hatchet from stopping Slaughter from stopping Ephialtes from doing the stuff.

---

Ephialtes: You’re a loose cannon, Xans. Xans: No, I’m not. I’m a cannon, maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me? Hatchet: I think you play by your own rules. Massacre: Nuh-uh. Him and I have an ongoing agreement that rules are there to be broken. Ephialtes: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon. Xans: No, I’m just a reckless renegade. Slaughter is a loose cannon. Slaughter: *smashes a chair* Aah! You shut your trap, Xans! Massacre: I’d say Slaughter’s more of a cop on the edge with nothing to lose. That’s an entirely different thing. Hatchet: Now I’m just confused. Is Xans a loose cannon or not? Ephialtes: All right, put on a pot of coffee. We’re gonna get to the bottom of this. Xans: *groans* Slaughter: Aw, man.

---

The Squad: *walking at the mall* Slaughter: Hey, have any of you guys seen Ephialtes? He’s been gone for a while.. Massacre: Eh, nope. Xans: No, I haven’t... Hatchet: Probably ran off to McDonald’s or something. Ephialtes: Hey. Slaughter: Ooh, there you are- Massacre: What the fu- Hatchet: I- where were you?! Ephialtes: Walking right behind you guys.

—

Slaughter: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Xans: Several traffic violations.

Ephialtes: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Hatchet: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Massacre: Also, that’s not our car.

—

Ephialtes, about Hatchet and Massacre: My god, would you two just get a room already?

Massacre: Excuse me, Ephialtes?

Ephialtes: You both just keep agreeing about horrifying things and relishing everybody else's misery. So seriously, when's the wedding?

Hatchet: ...

Slaughter: Can I be the best man?

Xans: CAN YOU NOT?

—

Ephialtes: How would you like your pancakes?

Slaughter: Plain.

Xans: With sprinkles!

Massacre: Actually cooked. *Looks pointedly at Slaughter.*

Hatchet: Potatoes.

*Slaughter, Xans, and Massacre look at Hatchet*

Hatchet: What? They're good.

—

Massacre: Ephialtes is okay.

Hatchet: They're okay? They said they were going to break my legs! And don't tell me they didn't mean it, okay?! 'Cause they gave me the mackerel eyes, they meant it!

Massacre: Hatchet, Ephialtes threatened me. They threaten Xans every day. They probably threatened Slaughter before breakfast this morning. It's what they do. Grow a pair.

—

Hatchet: So oxygen went on a date with potassium, it went... OK.

Xans: I thought oxygen was dating magnesium, OMG.

Hatchet: Actually oxygen first asked nitrogen out, but nitrogen was all like NO.

Massacre: I thought oxygen had that double bond with the hydrogen twins.

Ephialtes: Looks like someone's a HO.

Xans: NaBrO.

Slaughter: I'm done with all of you!

—

Ephialtes: I swear to god I'm the only one here with a braincell.

Slaughter, Xans, Massacre, and Hatchet: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell!

—

Ephialtes: What scares you guys the most?

Slaughter: Werewolves!

Xans: Sharks.

Massacre: The unstoppable marching of time that is slowly guiding us all towards an inevitable death.

Hatchet:

Hatchet: Massacre.

—

Massacre: Who the fuck broke the toaster?

Xans: It was Hatchet.

Ephialtes: It was Hatchet.

Slaughter: Hatchet broke it.

Hatchet:

Hatchet: ...yOU PROMISED-

—

Xans: Hey, let’s mess with Massacre, guys!

Slaughter: Hey, Massacre, your momma so fat-

Massacre: My mom committed multiple war crimes and is now locked in solitary confinement in a Bolivian prison.

Ephialtes: Well, uh- your dad-

Massacre: My father left when I was two to be captured and consequentially sacrificed by a group of feral ferrets.

Slaughter: The fuck-

Hatchet: Well then...

Xans: Stop, Hatchet!

Hatchet: Your grandparents so-

Massacre: My grandmother floated into the sky like a balloon with too much helium when my grandfather spontaneously combusted.

Massacre: You cannot best me, mortals.

—

Ephialtes: What's the worst thing you guys have done?

Xans: Rickrolled my teacher in 4th grade.

Slaughter: I kicked Hatchet in the shin-

Hatchet: -So I kicked Slaughter between the legs.

Massacre: I genocided an entire race.

Ephialtes: What?!

Hatchet: What the hell is wrong with you?!?

Massacre: A lot of things.

Slaughter: No shit.

—

Xans: Why aren't there friend pick up lines? Pick up lines to make friends like-

Xans, to Slaughter: Hey, that's a cute outfit. You know where it would look better? On nobody else, because you're a beautiful individual.

Massacre, to Hatchet: Be my friend or I'll set your entire family on fire.

Ephialtes: There are two types of people.

—

Xans: Did you bring Massacre?

Slaughter, gesturing to Hatchet: No, but I brought the next best thing.

Xans: Hatchet? The next best thing would be Ephialtes.

Hatchet: I would be offended, but Ephialtes is freakishly strong.

—

Ephialtes: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me?

Xans: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it.

Slaughter: Three of us saw it, Xans. How do you explain that?

Xans: *points at Massacre* Sleep deprivation. *points at Slaughter* Paranoia. *points at Hatchet* Delusional personality disorder.

—

Massacre: *trying to buy a Father's Day card at Hallmark*

Massacre: Excuse me, do you have any that just say "You are my dad?"

Associate: Well, I-

Massacre: How about "You banged my mom?"

Associate: No...

Massacre: You know what, I'll just get a blank one.

Massacre: *writes* You are a father. This is a day. Here is a card.

—

Xans: *working in a flower shop and minding their own business*

Hatchet, storming into the store and slapping $20 on the counter: HOW DO I PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVELY SAY “FUCK YOU” IN FLOWER???

—

Massacre: ARE YOU-

Hatchet: Fucking.

Massacre: KIDDING ME?! YOU-

Hatchet: Fucking.

Massacre: IDIOT!

Slaughter: …What was that?

Hatchet: Ephialtes banned Massacre from swearing, so I’m helping them out.

—

Xans: I hate you with every inch of my body!

Hatchet: That’s not a lot of inches.

—

Hatchet: Ephialtes...

Ephialtes: I can tell by the tone of your voice that you are disappointed. Alas, I must further disappoint you by affirming how little I give a fuck.

—

*Ephialtes is reading a Clifford The Big Red Dog book*

Xans, watching: How did he get to be so big? Do they ever explain that?

Ephialtes: Well, Emily’s love for him grew, and so did he.

Xans: Well, your dog is pretty small. Guess that says something about you, huh?

Ephialtes, angrily shutting their book: YOU’RE SMALL! WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT YOUR PARENTS?!?!

—

Ephialtes: In your opinion, what is the height of stupidity?

Massacre, pointing at Slaughter: 6’8”.

—

Kidnapper: I have your partner.

Slaughter: What? I don't have a partner...

Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face?

Slaughter: Oh my god, you have Ephialtes.

—

Ephialtes: So, Massacre and Slaughter.

Ephialtes: According to this, you two are being accused of: Armed Robbery, Vandalism, Drug Abuse, Grand Theft Auto…

Massacre: We had a bad day.

Ephialtes: And… MURDER?!

Slaughter: It was a pretty bad day…

Massacre, shrugging and looking over to Slaughter: It seems they haven’t entirely found us out though.

Slaughter, nodding: Yeah, they didn’t count the Arson, or the Genocide.

Ephialtes:

Ephialtes: I am so done with you two.

—

Indigo: What do you call disobeying the law?

The Squad: A hobby.

Indigo: *crosses their arms*

The Squad: That we do not engage in.

—

Slaughter: I type how I think.

Massacre: Odd that you type at all then.

—

Ephialtes: Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this!

Massacre: Apparently, we're not.

—

Xans: So, what is Indigo to you?

Hatchet: The reason I wake up every morning.

Xans: ...That’s adorable.

Indigo earlier that morning, barging into Hatchet′s room, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!

—

Indigo: Guys where did Massacre go?

Ephialtes: They got arrested.

Indigo: How the hell-

Massacre: *bursts in through the window* The cops are after me, I thought it would be fun to steal crackers and throw them at people.

Massacre, looking at Indigo with a glare: Y’know, because SOMEONE decided I wasn’t allowed to kill everyone anymore.

—

Xans: I sort of did something and I need some advice, but I don't want a lot of judgment and criticism.

Massacre: And you came to me?

Xans: It involves genocide

Massacre:

Massacre, gesturing to a chair: Sit down my good sir. Let us have a chat.

—

Hatchet, at an awards show: Well, first of all, I’d like to thank Indigo, my closest friend, for telling me Ephialtes was going to win so don’t bother to prepare a speech.

—

Hatchet: *Breaks ringing phone with a hammer.*

—

*In a horror movie situation*

Indigo: I've got no service in my phone here.

Ephialtes: Shoot, my battery just died.

Hatchetr: Sorry guys, I just broke my phone with a hammer.

Xans: Guys, my phone is a book.

—

Ephialtes: I just had a long talk with Indigo and Slaughter about hitting and now they are yelling “it’s my turn to perpetuate the cycle of violence” before hitting each other.

—

Hatchet: I dunno if I'm ready to process the ramifications of this bullshit.

—

Indigo, handing a balloon to Hatchet: I have no soul. Have a good day!

Hatchet, walking off: I don't have one either.

—

Indigo: I have no respect for Santa. Don’t sneak in through the chimney and undermine my authority by bringing my family presents. Walk in through the front door and fight me like a man.

—

Indigo: HELP! I TOLD XANS I'D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T COOK!

Massacre, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

—

Indigo: And then they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times.

Ephialtes: You mean you stabbed them?

Indigo: They ran into my knife.

—

Massacre: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don't want to sound mean.

Indigo: No, go ahead. I want to hear it.

Massacre: It sucks.

Indigo: That's not constructive criticism.

—

Ephialtes: *slowly pushes a cannon into a 17th century bank* Okay everyone, be cool. This is a robbery.

—

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-

Massacre: What soul?

Demon: … that’s my point-

—

Xans: Wasn't icarly that guy that girlbossed too close to the sun because he was down for Apollo?

Massacre: ICARUS?

—

Slaughter: Why would you give a knife to Xans?!

Hatchet, shrugging: Xans felt unsafe.

Slaughter: Now I feel unsafe!

Hatchet: I’m sorry…

Hatchet: Would you like a knife?

—

Ephialtes: What are you writing?

Massacre: The government wants to know what kind of weapons we have in the house. I'm letting them know it's private information.

Hatchet, looking over Massacre's shoulder: This just says 'fuck around and find out' in calligraphy.

—

Xans: So... what’s goin’ on?

Hatchet: You want the long version or the short version?

Xans, hesitantly: The short one, I guess?

Hatchet: Shit’s fucked.

Xans: Oh. Well, yeah, that’s definitely not an optimal situation.

—

Ephialtes: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it’s doing to your body.

Xans: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot.

Ephialtes: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!

Massacre: Hmm... I've been drinking soda and my body's rust free... not sure where you're getting your facts from…

—

Xans: I’m a reverse necromancer!

Slaughter: Isn’t that just-

Indigo: No. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. You are literally so fucking unfunny that it hurts. It physically hurts my body knowing that people still think murder is funny. I cant believe im saying this but do you guys know how chronically online you all are, thinking that saying “oOh iM a rEVeRsE nECrOmANcER i LOvE tO kiLL pEOpLe” is genuinely funny and will get everyone in the room shitting themselves from laughter?? cause its not. It’s fucking not. In fact, its the unfunniest fucking joke ever. Not just any joke about killing people. This one specifically. Its so unfunny and stupid. Nobody is fucking laughing at that, Xans. It makes you look like a greasy emo kid who has never been outside once in their life and uses tumblr religiously. Like not even the funny side of tumblr. the fucking unfunny side filled with overused jokes about murder and illegal acts. Honestly, youre so unfunny, Xans. Fuck you.

—

Hatchet: State your name, rank, and intention.

Slaughter: Slaughter, Slaughter, fun.

—

Indigo: Who's in charge here? Massacre, shrugging: Usually whoever yells the loudest.

—

Xans: It’s funny how well you and Massacre get along. Didn’t they hate you at first? Indigo: Massacre hates everybody at first. It’s their way of reaching out to people.

—

Massacre, standing over the reader at 6’10”: I'd make fun of your height but there isn't enough to make fun of.

—

Massacre: I need 28 lightbulbs for 28 ducks. Hatchet: Ducks can’t eat lightbulbs? Slaughter: I think that’s the point. Massacre: Exactly. I want my ducks to glow so I can find them.

—

Slaughter: I think I did fairly well on my anatomy quiz! :) Massacre: I forgot I was doing a test. Slaughter: Massacre. Massacre: I said the vertebrae was the back stick because I thought it was funny.... Indigo: Massacre.

—

Indigo, as a child, reading their school assignment out loud: I love my library because... Indigo, mouthing words while writing: I love reading, fuck you.

—

Xans: I tried to write ‘I'm a functional adult’ but my phone changed it to ‘fictional adult’ and i feel like that’s more accurate.

—

Slaughter: *shatters a window and climbs through it* Slaughter: *turns around and helps Indigo through it* Breaking and entering is wrong Indigo. Indigo: Okay.

—

Indigo: Massacre, is that my mug you’re drinking out of?

Massacre: No, it’s mine.

Indigo: It... looks just like the one I have...

Massacre: You don’t have one like this anymore.

—

Indigo: .. .----. -- / … --- .-. .-. -.-- (translation: I'M SORRY)

Ephialtes: What's that?

Indigo: Remorse code.

Ephialtes: I'm even angrier now.

—

Xans: All of your existences are confusing.

The Squad: How so?

Xans: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you upsets me.

—

Slaughter: Your smile? It makes my day.

Indigo: Your happiness? I live for that.

Massacre: A room? Get one.

Hatchet: Hotel? Trivago.

—

Massacre: Slaughter, what do you have?

Slaughter: A KNIFE!

Massacre: Okay, have fu-

Indigo: NO!

—

Slaughter, rubbing their temples: I am not proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarrette.

Massacre: But Slaughter, we don't smoke.

Slaughter: Cut the crap, Massacre. I'm not an idiot. I know that one in five people smoke.

Slaughter: *points at Ephialtes* One! *points at Xans* Two! *points at Hatchet* Three! *points at Indigo* Four! *points at Massacre* Five!

Slaughter: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarrette between these two fingers!

Indigo: *puts a cigarrette in Slaughter's hand*

Slaughter: Thank you. ...Light?

The Squad: *all simultaneously pull out lighters*

—

*after the Squad's plan goes horribly wrong*

Ephialtes: Now it seems we're back at square one-- finding Massacre.

Indigo: For the record, I already found them.

Hatchet: And you let them get away before we could have a meaningful conversation.

Indigo: They stabbed me!

Ephialtes: I'm surprised they waited this long, Indigo. We've all had the urge.

—

#Incorrect Quotes #Look its the funny #Eldritch Skeletons #Elskels #Indigo #Blueberry #Blueberry Sans #Blue #Underswap Sans #Swap Sans #Horrortale Sans #Nightmare Sans #Killer Sans #Cross Sans #Sans #Undertale AU #Original AU #shenanigans #They're pretty cool #Massacre #Ephialtes #Slaughter #Hatchet #Xans #Funny #Humour #Goofing #Platonic relationships here #But they're all pretty cool #I also have a gang called the Neutral Sanses

[blondrichclosetwitch]

It’s an open invitation to turn you on

This is a time for action because the future's within reach

And I was beginning to lose my grip

But this time, I admit I felt it really start to slip

No, and I can smell her on you everywhere, no, baby, I can not forget And I'm coming for you!!(their punctuation)

And you just keep on getting closer

God is a good defense

The big guns are coming out

And don't let the curtain catch you, cause you've been here before

Do you really think I give a damn what I do after years of just hearing them talking?

“I won't testify, I already fucked up my story.”

For I know that the hypnotized never lie

Do you remember, your President (after my concussion I didn’t know who was president )

Ya don't know what you're up against, no, no way, no how

some 36-part depressing-as-hell Northern drama to be repeated every night for the rest of our lives

I've been sucking it in so long that I'm busting at the seams

Voices are guiding me to the cities by the sea

I'm always talking to you

Each night and day I pray and hope that I might find you

“Saying "It's too late for praying" seems to assert that, God or no God, it's up to people to take full responsibility for what they do - how they behave toward one another and toward their "mother ship" - and deal with the damage they have done (and remain ever capable of doing worse and worse).”

Here comes sunshine

They had all of that time just to change their minds, dear dad I’m sorry

Oh yeah, it’s bad

“But I was greedy, I was vain and I forced her in a closed room…and all I ever meant to do was to keep you.”

How were my eyes so blinded

I’m spinning around in circles

Don't suffocate on your own hate

The number 8

Like pretty Kate has sex ornate; now devastate

Fabricate, emulate, a truth dilate

The youth irate

Well it's 2.35 in the afternoon

It’s all a dream we dreamed one afternoon so long ago

My brain hurts a lot

Secret societies

DirtyFishy

Seems I keep getting this story twisted

Tougher than the rest

The first line of the first song I ever heard her sing was “I know something about love”

But did you ever call my name?

Just by mistake?

I'm not quite sure what we’re supposed to do so I’ve been writing just for you

This chaos is killing me

And from what we've heard you've always been a man of your word

Pops, we love you, love you

Yes, we do

Oh no, you thought we had forgotten? The show is only gettin' started: stand up, sit down, hands up, breakdown

Can you tell me, was it worth it?

Because they’re desperate to entertain*

So you want to be entertained? Please look away (don't look away)

We're not here 'cause we want to entertain

(I heard it was 28,000)

Like a heartbeat drives you mad

With the eyes of a little child she treats me cold, so cruel and violent I cry

The only dead person I spoke of on the podcast besides katie yesterday was michael k Williams (Omar on the wire); all these things that I’ve done is his song.

The kids couldn't hurt Jack

They tried and tried and tried and lied and lied and lied and lied and lied

But they couldn't stop Jack, or the waters lapping and they couldn't prevent Jack from feeling happy

I stared up the wall and he said “I don't know' is not an answer to the question"

You played me, you played me Low, down, dirty, shameful, crazy

But there's got be an opening somewhere here in front of me through this maze of ugliness and greed

Ma, this is my brother

Got a crush on tragedy

Black magick shield frequency

A trance is a spell

And then a lullaby on Broadway could sound like an exile out on Main

Oh when that curtain closes you'll be back in your seat again

My legendary girlfriend

Got my eyes open

Ohhhh that’s why they played the black magick shield, my friends are pretending they’re in The Craft again

From you, I get the story

#today is a 34/16/07

[cannibalisticskittles]

god this is like. the dumbest idea ever, but i’ve been mulling over a vtmb au for saints row, since 1. i’ve been playing the games in close proximity of each other, and 2. saints row 3 has that dlc where you gain vampiric powers, which is obviously not canon-canon, but like, what if it was? IE, an AU where The Saints Are Vampires.

first of all, the boss would be a brujah. a clan of rebels, with or without a cause, known for being quick to action and quick to get physical? “individualistic, outspoken, and turbulent?” absolutely fits the boss.

and the fact of the matter is, regardless of how they got bit, they ain’t gonna be angsting over the moral dilemmas of the matter. none of that ‘woe is me, i am monstrous now, i must sustain myself with the lifeblood of mortals, am i even human now?’ they’re on a liquid diet and they’ve gotta apply that sunblock extra thick now, but they get sweet fangs, they can hit twice as hard now, and they can GET hit way harder before it starts to hurt, so... nice. cool trade-off.

(also since they’d have to be sired by another brujah to be a brujah, they’re probably bit by someone who’s a fan of the saints and wants to show their devotion to the saints by gifting the boss with cool supernatural powers. [i’m imagining this happening some time between sr2 and sr3 since that’s when the powers show up, but that’s flexible.] vampire childer are supposed to be loyal to their sires, but the boss... ain’t about that life. so their sire probably either dies — maybe gets executed by the camarilla for turning the boss without permission — or else the boss just ignores that whole “subservient to the person that turns them” thing. anyone who thinks they can control the boss is a damn fool.)

and then, of course, they’d bite and sire johnny, because there ain’t no way they’re enduring eternity without him.

next up is the lieutenants. the boss is generous, they’re willing to share these gifts. it’s possible that they sire all the lieutenants personally, so you’d have a whole HEAP of brujah vamps running around, but... as they learn a bit more about their newfound powers, they might find out that the other clans have different specialties/powers. this clan works great for them, but they want the best for the saints, so they might find vamps from other clans to sire the lieutenants in order to give them the powers that they’d prefer. (potential sires are... coerced into compliance, once found. bite them or bite the dust, ain’t no other choices here.)

in that case? pierce is def a toreador. they’re fixated on beauty, and they retain the most humanity of all the clans. and that’s pierce! he’s a work of art in and of himself, spreading beauty by being the face of the saints, AND he brings a lot of heart to the team. he’s the most in tune with how the other saints are feeling — he takes it on himself to help them out when they’re not at their peak, singing with the boss to get them to relax, finding things for them all to do to take their mind off johnny’s death/whatever might be bugging them. (plus, just try and say no to his merch deals when he dazzles you with his toreador Presence.)

shaundi... i’m less certain about. if they take the time to find out more about the vamp clans, it draws out the process, so there’s higher odds that shaundi would be shifting towards “i want to be more capable, Not Be Kidnapped All The Time” by the time they decide on something. she might be fine with being a brujah — they’ve got considerable physical strength, which is conducive to Not Being Kidnapped. she might also be intrigued by gangrels, though — try and tell her she can’t hold her own when she can Turn Into A Giant Wolf, Motherfucker

i don’t think they’d sire anyone during the events of sr3. they’re all mourning, first of all, and while they want to avenge johnny, that doesn’t mean that the alliances they’re forming will last beyond that.

kinzie would probably end up being bit afterwards, though. at least, the boss would offer it. i’m not sure if she’d accept. it DOES work pretty well with her lifestyle... i don’t think she’d be diametrically opposed to becoming a nosferatu — they value a lot of the same things, and the physical change is dramatic, but also on some level... whatever, she prefers to be a recluse, what’s it matter? at the same time, though, why? what benefit does it give her? i think she’d consider all her options — she could learn how to Obfuscate herself, keep others from seeing her at all, or see what she wants them to, but if she’s bit by a ventrue, she can Dominate peoples’ minds and make them do her bidding, which has a nice ring to it... ooh, but the LaSombra would let her do that AND control shadows? she’s gonna make an Informed Decision. the boss is gonna regret giving her full control over this decision.

is their vampirism a secret? Not Really. but they can skirt masquerade violations by making a ton of saints ghouls — give them a sip of vamp blood once a month and they can hit a little harder, run a little faster, take a few more hits... only a fraction of vamp powers but without most of the drawbacks, plus they’d now be considered a part of vampire society, at least enough that they’re allowed to know about vamp stuff without being A Threat. and people NOTICE how odd the saints are — but talk show hosts bring up the boss’ nocturnal habits and how their enemies often have what appear to be bite marks on them, and they do have REALLY sharp teeth... “yeah, jane, the vampire life has been treating me well,” the boss says, and everyone just laughs. they’re open with it, so it seems too goofy to be true. no one thinks they’re REALLY vampires bc they think they’re all FAKE vampires. it’s like, part of the gimmick.

anyway, come sriv, imagine matt losing his everloving shit when he realizes that the leader of the third street saints and their top lieutenants and maybe even some of the common grunts are vampires, are you kidding, how long have you been like this??

“i dunno,” says the boss. “couple months before steelport?”

“before—?!?” matt splutters. “you mean this whole time?? the whole — kinzie!! were you also—?”

kinzie shrugs. “nah. i got bit after we took over the city. i didn’t need an advantage like that to beat you.”

(also: while matt fits the bill for the typical nosferatu — subterfuge, working from the shadows rather than putting themselves on the front lines, excellent at collecting information, and specifically a phenomenal hacker, which the nosferatu seem to collect — he’s also vain. He’s Too Beautiful to wreck his looks like that. the physical change he’d have to endure to join the ranks of the nosferatu is just plain unpalatable. given that, i think he might be interested in the tremere. they’re ~mysterious~ and ~mystical~ and they’re basically wizard vampires. even if it’s not the perfect fit, u think he’d turn down the chance to be bit?? Matt Miller, NyteBlayde’s #1 Fan And Lore Curator?? not on ur life, buddy.)

#kelsey plays saints row #saints row #vtmb #i don’t know that asha would Want to be a vamp at all #if so..... she’d maybe lean more towards a camarilla-allied clan #because they’re (supposed to be) all about keeping an eye on things. not causing chaos for humans. #but i lean towards her not being into the whole idea much at all #that could just be me tho

[tteokdoroki]

assistance please! | e.kirishima.

♡ pairing: eijirou kirishima x fem!reader.

♡ word count: 6.6K

♡ rating: mature, 18+, mdni.

♡ genre: workplace!au, internship!au, fluff + smut.

♡ summary: eijirou kirishima loved being an intern, he had great co-workers, had a shot at his dream job, his boss had taken quite liking to him and of course, being the favourite intern had many, many perks.

♡ warning(s): please read ! heavy smut,  ( kirishima is in his twenties ), power dynamics, sub top!kirishima + power bottom!reader,   heavy!praise kink, heavy!miss + mommy kink, unprotected sex ( wrap it before you tap it, kids ), oral ( female receiving ), squirting, tummy bulges, cumplay, creampie.

♡ author’s note(s): hihi everyone!! today i present to you my contribution to the bnharem on the job collab! i had a lot of fun playing with different dyanimics in this fic, i hope you enjoy it nonetheless!! make sure you chek out the other works from the other amazing creators!! <3

♡ masterlist | requests | kofi

“oi! ‘shima! you’re needed in the boss’ office right away, she’s got important business for ya!, wants t’have a word. now.”

eijirou ducks his head politely in a sign of gratitude, thanking his co-worker and superior, keigo— for the heads up. keigo, or better known as hawks around the office ( for his fast speeds in completing work and luring lonely interns into his bed ), was a nice guy— second to the lady in charge and way too chatty. he was a bit of an air head, got the job done when it needed to be but that’s what kirishima was for, the replacement while keigo took his vacation time in the middle of the year like an idiot.

he wasn’t too sure why you kept the blonde around, he supposed it was because he was pretty but eijirou wouldn’t dare question you— he needed this internship if he was going to make it big in the sports news reporting scene. he’d been majoring in sports and healthcare at college, two years away from graduating when the opportunity to work for yn ln, one of the biggest sports journalists in japan had landed right in his lap. of course he was going to take it, of course he was going to do everything he could not to fuck it up.

in the cubicles beside him, the other interns try to muffle their giggles and titters of curious laughter as the red head gathers himself for the meeting.

“oooo, i wonder what you did this time,” kaminari teases from the right, leaning over his side of the cubicle to fiddle with the odd bits on kirishima’s desk. denki kaminari was another person kirishima wondered how the hell he got into the programme, but then again he was pretty to look at and brought a lighter air to boring office days.

“nothing! i’m innocent!” eijirou defends, hands releasing his files to fly up in defence.

the other interns, going by the names of mina ashido, kyouka jirou and hanta sero snicker amongst themselves at the interaction.

“don’t believe it, s’obviously more than nothin’ if you’re always getting called down’ta the boss lady’s office.” bakugou, another intern, grunts out with his nose deep buried in files for upcoming reports. he was a little too rough for the journalism lifestyle but got the job done. his attitude wasn’t for everyone. “they’re probably fuckin’.”

mina giggles and kirishima steps out into the paths between desks. “don’t be such a sourpuss ‘suki, just ‘cause you’re not her favourite.”

a lose ‘shut up’ is huffed, before katsuki turns to face his taller, buffer companion. “just don’t be late, bunch of us are goin’ for lunch later.” he adds and turns back to his paperwork.

“affirmative, catch ya later!”

the group waves the red head off as he heads to the elevator directing him to the main floor— this is where all the higher ups worked. the journey wasn’t unfamiliar to the intern, he wasn’t like the others and had the steps to your office memorised by heart. sometimes it was like walking home, to his comfort and sanctuary away from the stressors of work and the outside world— he knew that was bad, but you were so kind, such a sweet and understanding boss he couldn’t help but develop some level of comfort towards you.

to most, it seemed like eijirou kirishima was just unbelievably close to his boss, that you’d taken him under your wing.

he however, knew what you had, meant more.

a fluttering warmth spreads across the intern’s chest as he approaches the door to your main office and he knocks. behind it lay mountains of secrets upon secrets, things that kirishima knows about you that no one else does. the walls have hidden words, written across them in fonts of passion and admiration and it’s all that he can think about. you’re all that he can think about, and it’s still wrong. there’s a shuffling deep in the room and some flitters of paper here and there before your soft, velveteen voice breaks through the barrier between you. the one thing keeping you apart.

“come in,” you call smoothly and kirishima follows your orders swiftly, if not eagerly, entering the four walls of your office. ruby eyes dart across the room to locate your position and his heart skips a beat when he finds you, body leaning over your dark oak desk, papers scattered across it while you frantically sift through numbers and stocks and nonsense way above the level of a journalism intern. but even amongst the chaos, you’re beautiful— eyes sparkling with productivity, lined in little flecks across the colour of your orbs. the way you dress never fails to steal away eijirou’s breath— a tight fitting leather skirt that hugs your mature curves and a white blouse with the bottoms popped open— just enough for him to get a peek at your cleavage.

the poor intern has to hold himself back from blurring the lines of work and pleasure to shove himself deep into your chest, suck and lick at your plush breasts until he was high off the taste of your skin. but he wouldn’t do that, yet. not without your permission. “oh eiji baby, there you are!” you coo to the red head, bright smile stretching across blood diamond painted lips. you cross the room in three short strides, tall black heels clacking against the smooth white marble until you’re standing in front of and looking up at kirishima. “was starting to think keigo had ditzed like a pretty boy and had forgotten to send you my way, darling.”

eijirou’s cheeks flame at the smoothness in your syrupy voice, like sweet honey to his hears, the pet name striking a familiar heat deep within him. you always had a way with your words— enticing, almost like a siren calling out to him despite the taboo aura that surrounded what you had. whatever it was— he just knew it was more than your typical boss-intern relationship.

“even if he had, ‘m more than happy to be of service to you ma’am,” he responds almost a little too quickly, large hand rubbing the back of his neck and tugging at his baby hairs to ground himself.

you cock your head, eyes sparkling with mischief. “always such a helpful, good boy eijirou,” you hum, lips pulling into a devilish red smile and the praise causing a new spark of lustful electricity to crackle through the air. “i could use a little assistance, please, i have this awful meeting with the board today, spent all night preparing and couldn’t go home, i could use some stress relief,”

kirishima’s gaze becomes hooded as he looks down at you, a familiar and bright desire burning in the pits of his stomach. “oh yeah? sucks that the paperwork kept you up all night ma’am…” he trails off, choosing to let his fingers dance up and down your sides— snaking an arm around your waist to pull you into him. you couldn’t or you wouldn’t go home. he’s not sure if he cares about the answer right now— not when you tremble in his grip, itching for something, anything from him. “how long do you reckon we have ms. ln?”

“ten to fifteen minutes sweetheart, give or take,”

you grin widens, taking an impossibly closer step to your intern— pressing the swell of your breasts against his hard chest. he can feel your nipples pebbling through your blouse, almost visible behind the white fabric and god the way you look up at him— he can no longer wait, he needs you. right here and right now.

“will you be needing my assistance throughout, ma’am?” kirishima asks, voice dropping a few octaves until it falls into a low growl.

“i expect it. you are my intern after all.”

the words laced with deep huskiness, the proximity of your bodies and the rising heat in the room is what leads you both to tumble into the next series of events. before he can’t register it, your mouths are slotted together in a fast paced and sloppy kiss, kirishima’s body manoeuvres you around the office, marking out a familiar pathway to your desk—his tongue remains sliding over yours in rapid movements as he commits your taste to memory, refreshing those from the last time he had you like this. yet every time you kiss and his tongue glides over yours, you taste sweeter than before; like peaches and morning coffee— you feel softer in his grip, every dip and curve to your body like it was built for him.

eijirou can't stop thinking of that last time, tucked away in your office after dark when your dainty hands pawed desperately at his hips to bring him closer or scratched at his back from sheer pleasure— kirishima wants to see you like that against, using his own hands to tear through your shirt and send buttons flying across the room. something in him just wants to do good for you, have you ache for him and earn himself some of your sweet praise. even as you step and stumble towards your work desk, the red-head lets his lips break away from yours, connected by a string of your own saliva before he drops to your neck, lapping tracks over your skin with the temptation to bite down and paint it shades of deep purple and blue.

but there are rules that you both have in place; ways to keep what you have a secret and hidden away from the public eye so that you don’t lose all that you’ve worked for and so kirishima can keep being your precious little intern.

“jump for me, please ma’am,” he whispers heavily into the junction between your neck and your shoulders, breath laboured and warm against your skin that begins to shine with light perspiration. mindlessly, you follow his orders, jumping up while your fingers curl into the mass of red on kirishima’s head and ankles lock around his waist—his hands meet the backs of your doughy thighs, squeezing the flesh between calloused digits while you toe off your heels.

“eiji, you’re so good,” you manage between feather light breaths as they clatter to the floor as the pair of you somehow make your way to the desk chair, pushing and tearing the clothes from one another’s bodies— including your crisp shirt. now seated and left in nothing but your bra, you tug harshly at your intern’s locks and bring his mouth down to yours, allowing them to move together in a dirty, messy kiss. there’s barely any time for you both to mess around, for him to tease you until your limit and you’re crying out for any type of touch from him, so eijirou quickly

flips down your bra, exposing your chest to cool, air conditioned air—not even bothering to unclip the material as his fingers descend on your nipple, pulling and twisting them until your back arches from the stimulation. “hurry, please eijirou,”

obedient as ever, your favourite boy drops to his knees in front of the chair you stay slumped in and with his height, he still manages to tower over you, practically at eye level with hunger framing the ruby of his own. large hands knead at your plush thighs, hiking your skirt up and up to give you room to spread your thighs, cunt growing sticky from anticipation— all from a few measly touches in familiar places. but this is kirishima, and he knows how your body works from countless hours spent after the office closes up— using one another to blow off extra steam. he knows just what makes you tick and moan his name.

logically, eijirou knows that your meeting could start at any minute and even though you’re both in a stickler for time, he still wants to get a taste at your skin before devouring your most intimate parts. he’ll make time to explore every part of you, to assist you in your stress relief. “‘m sorry miss, yn,” he whines needily, watching your chest rise and fall with want, feeling your body heat up and twitch from the ghost of his fingertips across your blemished skin. “gotta have a taste of you before the real deal, hope’ya don’t mind…”

latching onto the left mound of flesh at your exposed chest, kirishima sinks the point of his teeth into the area around your nipple— just enough to graze your skin and pull a sweet mewl from your mouth. you’re both lucky for the soundproof walls, your head thrown back in a lewd moan he lets his pink tongue roll over your bud in vicious circles. heavy, fat globs of saliva pool over the pink muscle, pouring down kirishima’s chin and painting your skin with a slick shine. “h-how...how could i mind angel, not when you treat me s’good,” you heave, vision fading in and out due to the overwhelming amount of pleasure flashing through your body in waves of hotness. “always doin’ so well for me eiji, aren’t you such a good boy?”

“yes ma’am,” the intern confirms with a erogenous slur, pacified and content on his knees for you— sucking, licking and biting at your chest to his heart’s content. “‘m your good boy,” he corrects you, however. eijirou feels most happy when grazing his tongue over the swell of your breasts, watching your face carefully for any twitches of delirium, it lets him know how hot aroused he makes you feel— that knowledge shoots straight to his cock, rock hard in his slacks while the redhead watches his boss writhe in her seat all for his eyes only.

such a dazzling view, and it’s all for fucking him.

your perfectly manicured nails run through red hair, scratching deliciously at his scalp until you’re forcing his head back and pulling kirishima off of your breast with a pop. “as much as i love seeing a pretty boy suck on my tits like a baby, we’re pressed for time angel, gonna need you to speed it up a little,” despite the softness to your face and the sudden evenness to the tone of your voice, the words that you speak to eijirou are vulgar, nasty, and turn him on to his wits end. “want you to eat me out eiji, can you do that for me?”

shaking his head, yes, beautiful claret eyes shining with acquiescence, kirishima wipes the spit from his chin with the back of his hand— like the tainted, dirty intern he is. you sigh down at him salaciously, ready to tear his innocence apart all over again. eijirou was always so willing to please, both in his work and behind closed doors— you would be a fool to not take advantage of that. with brute force, your intern forces your legs apart, eyes rolling back in his skull from the scent of your sex, dripping with your juices right through your underwear and stockings. overexcited, he rips through the flimsy material at your cunt, exposing your panties for him to see.

“you’re so...so wet ms.ln,” kirishima comments observantly, not even bothering to pull your stockings the rest of the way down your legs, instead opting to pull on the whole until it’s wide enough for his mouth to fit. “smell s’good, bet you taste even better,” there’s a patch on the crotch of your panties, darker than the rest of the material from where you leak and without a second thought, the red head instantly surges forward to lick a stripe over it, letting out a choked gripe as the taste of your cream from over the fabric invades his tongue.

you let out a shrill cry, hips jumping up at the first brush of his tongue against your untouched, clothed pussy. you wriggle even as kirishima holds you down, needing the heat of his mouth against you before your meeting starts. but he’s so good, so well trained, reaching up to your hips to yank your panties down in one fluid motion. leaning forward, kirishima savagely buries his face between your doughy thighs, hiking them over his shoulders from beneath the desk. his nose bumps against your clit, swollen from the lack of touch as he greedily inhales your scent once more— without warning, the intern kicks a stripe up the length of your pussy, sucking your juices into his mouth and smiling against your heat.

“d-don’t tease baby, be good for me,” you remind kirishima, your body trembles with anticipation, craving an orgasm to expel the stress of your work days out. the boy between your legs only hums, the sound running straight though cunt and vibrating against it, causing you to gush and spill your arousal out onto the leather seat beneath your cheeks. eijirou feasts on the slick that seeps from your fluttering hole, gliding his tongue up and down your sex, allowing the occasional pressure from his nose to stimulate your bundle of nerves.

the pads of his thighs burn marks into your legs, using them as leverage to pull your heated core further into his mouth, “can’t help it ma’am, y’got such a pretty pussy...s’only right that i worship you…” eijirou breaths right against your puffy folds, eyes trained on the way your hole clenches around nothing. a primal urge flares in his chest, a desire— no, a need— to see you filled with something, any part of him that can make you see stars and fuck you dumb. “‘m sorry, ‘m sorry you jus look s’fucking pretty miss…”

attaching his lips to your clit, the redhead pushes the spit gathered on his tongue right over your sloppy sit, hazy ruby stare watching as his saliva mixes with your juices and slides over your empty hole. he follows the oozing trail with his tongue, lapping it up and spewing it back into your sex until the pink muscle slips past your entrance— slipping inside of you with no prior warnings. your knuckles that grasp the arms of the chair as you’re spoiled between your legs by your top intern, his hands snaking their way around the tops of your thighs to spread your sticky pussy lips apart in order to bring more of you to the cool air of the office.

“you like this don’cha? dirty little boy,” you tease the poor boy, watching as his cheeks flame with embarrassment. “being a naughty little intern between your boss’ thighs all to keep on pleasing  her, keep your position at her company, huh? fuck eiji, you just love miss riding your naughty tongue—ohmygod—“

the way you sound, voice smooth like chocolate over the obscene slurping that fills the thats air heavy with the scent of sex and, makes eijirou’s cock jump up, precum oozing from his tip as he begins to rut against the hard floor beneath your desk. he makes an attempt to respond, but your thighs lock his head in place and his words come out muffled against your core. “mph, luh it, you’re s’sexy, please ma’am—“ he mumbles sordidly against you, practically humping the ground at your feet as you pick on him.

for a brief moment, kirishima pulls away to watch you roll your hips into nothing, hot tears beginning to brew into our hooded eyes from the satisfaction he brings you with every flick and flit of his tongue against where you need him most. written in your eyes is the command to keep going, your hands twistingly sharply in red roots to bring the intern back to your sluice, spasming cunt. so he does as he’s told, shoving his tongue deep inside your ribbed, iron hot walls and dragging tip along them to collect and taste strings of your viscous juices.

biting your lip, you do your best to hold back a voracious howl, bucking your hips feverishly into your intern’s face and staining his cheeks with everything that you have— he thrusts his tongue into you to the pace of your own hips, moaning against your slippery slit until your eyes are rolling. “gonna cum from this eiji, from you eatin’ me out like this...jus need a little more— need your fingers pretty boy,” you can feel the twist of the knot in your lower tummy starting to unravel, signifying your oncoming high, and the room starts to spin while kirishima eats you out with new vigour.

“yeah? miss? you’re gonna cum for me?” the intern practically whines and pulls his tongue from your hear, almost crying as his hips thump against the floor desperate for friction. “wanna see you come undone s’bad, please cum for me, please, please—“ eijirou chants, replacing his tongue with two of his thick digits, watching as your slick cunt stretches around them accommodatingly. he jackhammers them inside of you, grunting lowly underneath the slaps of his palm against the meat of your ass, as he returns to your clit to suckle on it hungrily. his fingers curl instantly in search for the spongy spot inside of you— bearing down hard against it once it’s located.

“oh—hah, right there baby— right fuckin’ there—!” you squeal, only egging him on as white starts to cloud your vision, everything sounds so nasty and wet, while eijirou stimulates both of your pleasure spots. it becomes hard to breath, legs wobbling around his broad shoulders, but your intern doesn’t let up, determined to bring you to cloud nine.

“that’s it ma’am, right there—you’re almost there, can feel you clenching around my fingers...please cum, fuck i want your cum, wanna taste you so bad, cum. cum. cum!” and that’s all it takes, eijirou’s pleading voice between your thick thighs to make the coil inside you snap and for your orgasm to wash over you. you convulse in your chair, nectar gushing freely from your raw and overstimulated cunt, spewing all over the redheads face as he continued to lap at your clit to ride out your high.

but he doesn’t stop there, scissoring his fingers deep within your velvet walls as you continue to cum, making you shake your head and wail from the high levels of ecstasy.

“please eiji—n’more, can’t, no—“

“you can miss, i know you can—fuck you look so pretty when you’re about to squirt for me, please…”

as quickly as your first high ended, another one comes crashing over you in harsh waves— rocking your world as clear liquid floods from your pussy— the sheer force of you squirting, pushing kirishima’s fingers out from your tight, sappy hole. your release hits the floor with a crude slap, both of you moaning loudly almost for the whole world to hear. he doesn’t stop sucking, clearing up your pretty cunt even as you fade in and out of consciousness from pleasure— he stays lapping at you with burning, languid strokes of his tongue between your folds even as you weakly attempt to answer the phone now ringing from your desk.

clearing your throat, you muster up the strength to sound professional over the line before picking up the phone and bringing it towards your ear. “good afternoon, this is yn ln of shinku sports reports, bringing you the latest sporting news, how may i help you?”

‘this is the board, we need to discuss this month's stocks and reports.’

from the corner of your eye, you can see kirishima rise from his place underneath your desk— standing tall over you once more while you converse with the directors on the other end of the phone. as quietly as he can, the redhead tears through the buttons on his shirt in a similar way to you, prior to you fucking and unbuckles his slacks. he pulls down his boxers and pants in one go, revealing his thick, hard girth that stands tall and slaps against his stomach— tip an angry shade of red as precum smears across his lower belly.

you nod into the phone, forgetting that the board can’t see you as kirishima lifts you from the chair and lays you on your back across the desk littered with unread papers. “ah yes, i’ve been expecting a call from you…” you whisper so quietly instead, not caring if they’ve missed what you said. you’re hardly paying attention, choosing to wrap a fist around eijirou’s cock, slickly pumping him to prepare him to take you— he parts your thighs, eyes closing and body shuddering above you while you continue to converse with the board.

spreading the droplets of precum across his slit and iron hot tip, kirishima takes his cock from your grasp— heavily slapping it against your sensitive and swollen clit to see you jolt up the desk. “gonna fuck you so good miss, jus’ be good ‘n stay quiet for me okay?” he says, a whimper catching in the tail end of his words. you nod to him, rushed and way too eager, laying your head back on the hard wood your swimming gaze settles on kirishima as he taps the head of his cock against your hole, teasingly pushing it just past your entrance before withdrawing again.

‘ms. ln, are you still there? we really are pressed for time so we would love to start by discussing interviews for the next issue—‘

you forget that you’re still connected on the line, settling for wriggling impatiently underneath your intern, who’s caramel tinted skin glistens with sweat and his cheeks begin to flush with unadulterated desire— all from watching the way your puffy folds lube up his shaft with every push through them. you can see him losing his resolve, just as sensitive as you since he’s been holding back an orgasm and without the hint of a warning, eijirou’s hips jump forward and drive his cock into the deepest parts of your sex— brushing against your cervix. you gasp out in surprise, finally losing focus and barely manage a more comprehensive response to the board you have waiting on the line. “y-yes!— yes, yes, i’m still here… you may proceed with the meeting.”

he’s big, bigger than anyone you’ve ever had— and you’d seen a lot being a woman of your caliber this high up in the industry...but no one could compare to the way your sweet, doe eyed gentlemanly little intern filled you up, fat cock stretching your walls even with the shallow thrusts into your cunt he gives you to adjust. the weight of his girth sits heavily inside you, twitching as kirishima slides into you easily due to the stickiness lining your gummy walls, breath shaky and uneven as he holds out for you during this time. you can tell the poor boy isn’t going to last long, fingers sinking into your thighs with a harsh grip while he tries to hold himself back.

such a good boy, always waiting for your every command.

‘so we’d like to talk about the main feature for next month’s issue, do you have anyone in mind?’

the monotone voice of the board member is drowned about by kirishima’s shaky breaths above you, his pleading puppy dog eyes while he stills himself inside your spasming, puckered hole— he waits for permission, following orders like a trained pet even though he can hardly stand it, overwhelmed by the flutter of your sex around him and heat from your body despite thrown over the desk. “y-you’re s’warm...god ma’am...need to—need to move,” the redhead huffs weakly in order to keep himself quiet, a line of sweat dotting his brow. “please,”

you sit up on the desk, legs locking around his slender waist to draw him closer, sheathing more of the poor boy inside of you until he’s completely bottomed out and balls deep inside your pretty cunt. he drops his neck to your shoulder, tongue lolling over your salt licked skin before biting down to pacify himself, sharp teeth almost drawing blood while you adjust the cord of the phone. “i was thinking…thinking that we got the hockey player— the oylmpic champion…” your eyes drift to kirishima’s complacent face, giving him a nod to start moving while he sucks another bruise further down his onto your collarbone. “t-touya...touya todoroki—!”

you hiccup but play it off with a cough when kirishima pulls back his hips, so far that his girth completely leaves you, before he drives himself forward with one powerful thrust and fills you right up again. looking down, you see him bulge in your tummy, the line of his girth prominent against your body— slightly dwarfed in kirishima’s arms. you rock your hips, coaxing your intern into your warmth to help him build up a momentum of thrusts.

‘sounds like a good choice, do we have anyone who could interview him? i believe we can have PR set up an interview this week.’

the desk creaks below you, hard wood groaning along with the red head who hides himself in your neck, squeaking pathetically as he moves inside of you— precum smearing along your gummy walls that welcome his hardened shaft. your pussy opens up for eijirou like it’s welcoming him home, still growing used to the pleasure-filled burn and stretch of him pushing in and out of you. the nerves on his head catch amongst your inner ridges, making his toned body shake in ecstasy.

“m-ma’am, feel s’fucking good, so fucking good...” your intern hums against your salty skin mawkishly, large palms dropping to the flesh of your ass— kneading it to bring you closer to his body— cock barely leaving you due to your proximity. with slow strokes, eijirou fills you up, painting you with what leaks from his tip— prodding at your cervix and brushing up against your sweet spot in ways that make sweet nectar dribble from your hole.

your digits curl in his hair once more, the phone slipping from between your neck and creating rustling on your end. “eijirou,” you sigh breathily, humping back his cock while you squeeze around him selfishly, keeping your intern inside of you. “i-i mean eijirou kirishima, he’s an intern— such a… a good one at that…”

a immodest whimper brews in the base of eijirou’s throat, bubbling against his bruised lips  while you shower him with praise, indirect to him, hand snaking up to the back of your neck— tangling in your baby hairs as he pulls you up to a sloppy kiss, slotting your mouths together and running his tongue over yours. “f-fuck mommy, ‘m i your good boy? please tell me yes, fuck, yn— ma’am,”

kirishima’s voice rises in octave as it does devoir and pathos, vulnerability stays written across his handsome features as he succumbs to the mind break the heat of your damp, creamy core as he fucks into you. you throb at his use of mommy, shakily pulling the phone away from your ear to reach up to his own, nipping the earlobe and tugging on it gently. “you’re my good boy baby, keep being good eiji, be quiet...you gotta stay quiet if you want to keep fucking mommy okay? you wanna cum inside me right?” you say, words aberrant and low toned  on your tongue, your intern hisses and whines in response— nodding his head again and letting out a barely coherent ‘yes’. “then shh, baby, let mommy talk yeah?”

“hm’kay,” he babbles, dropping his ruby framed gaze to where your bodies meet, hiking your skirt further up your thighs to get a better view of your cunt staining his heavy balls with a layer of your slick.

‘ms. ln, are you sure that you want an intern to cover this case—’ the board begins to ask you, muffled from the distance away from you both.

picking up the phone again, you pull the line towards you again— mindful of capturing eijirou’s weak little mewls over the device as he languidly pumps himself in and out of you. “i know what i—fuck, what i want. eijirou, will be—oh— on the case. that's final.” you huff, watching your intern fall into a pussyhaze, his precious mind fogging with thoughts of only painting you white inside and out as a reward for helping relieve you of stress. the slow roll of his hips into yours are accompanied by the soft slaps of his skin against your own, wet and sticky— determination to make you feel good crackling across his mind.

‘there’s no need to curse, ma’am, do you need a moment to recollect yourself before we proceed with discussing the other features.’

“i’m fucking fine,” you growl, in anger or need you don’t know. but kirishima frowns, you can feel it as he start nosing up your cheek— swiping his tongue over areas of skin he hasn’t touched just yet— he grunts possessively , unhappy with the use of your title coming from anyone other than him. to prove his point, he pushes your thighs wider apart, letting you drip all over the documents sitting below your ass and ruining the ink— important or not he starts a brutal pace into your cunt and presses down on your tummy so you can feel exactly where eijirou is inside you and know that only he can make you feel this way.

‘ms.ln—‘

“i’m fine. keep going.” you grit your teeth, biting your lip to hold down your panting— again you don’t know who you’re speaking to. your intern who slows the movement of his hips, postponing in and out of your tightened hole, clamping down on him eagerly or the stupid board member giving you grief on the phone.

they proceed to talk, barking out suggestions to your sports magazine, that you hate— even considering bringing in good for nothing athletes who’d treated you like shit in the past, and you’d sworn to never work for them again.

but it’s almost silly, how kirishima lets out small moans of mommy and ma’am, trying to keep your attention on him like you would give up grinding down on your intern’s dick for some prissy member of the board over the phone— but you love the slight possession eijirou has over you, moulding your iron hot walls into the shape of his fat dick that presses up against your pleasure spots, makes you convulse and drawl and become addicted to everything that is him. eijirou kirishima.

“takin’ me so good, so well ma’am...don’t think i can hold on anymore…please,” eijirou warns you, losing control of his body as he takes you for his own like he’s done many times before after hours— your gazes lock, you can see his desperation to ruin you, moan for you despite the people on the phone and the people outside your office.

if he grows too loud, he could give you away— they could be listening in to your poor needy little intern humping you like a feral dog and whining your name. and as much as that thought makes your hole spasm around his fat cock, make his thrusts stutter and eyes screw shut while you moan in sweet, almost silent harmony, you love your job and so weakly, you take two of your fingers, shoving them deep into eijirou’s mouth as it hangs open in heavy pants of warm air. you press down on his wet tongue, fucking into his mouth in tune with the pace of his hips plunging deep within your walls, churning up your syrupy and sticky insides.

“keep quiet, baby,”  you hiss to the redhead, who’s eyes start to brim with fresh hot tears from the overwhelming pleasure. “let mommy take care of this, yeah? finish up so you can let it all out on me.”

he sucks on your fingers to calm himself down, shallow breathing while he paws at the flesh on your sides and circles his hips into yours— letting his leaky tip bare down on your sweet spot and forcing the air out of your body. white hot pleasure flashes through your bloodstream, replacing any air of professionalism flooding through them. you can’t, you physically cannot hold back either of your orgasms— you can’t concentrate as your mind starts to fall away with the world and your gaze hones in on the way kirishima takes your fingers in his hot mouth so deep in an attempt to hush himself.

the coil in your tummy begins to unwind and the room swims once more. ‘ms.ln is everything okay over there— we need to progress with his meeting if we’re—‘ the annoying board member sounds underneath kirishima’s sloppy groans, saliva dribbling down the sides of his mouth. your dirty, good boy.

“i’m going to need to take a rain—hah— a rain check on this meeting. you’ll hear from me when my interns and i are ready—“ you huff, cutting the staff off and quickly throwing the phone onto the hook, you’ll have keigo deal with the consequences later but for now you focus on kirishima who picks you up by the ass, lifting you up and down on his cock in frantic movements as he finally loses all connections to his control. “ohmygod—eiji baby, slow—fuck, down—“

he shakes his head, latching onto your collar bone as he revels in the way you leak down his shaft and drip between his balls, lewd squelching sounds fluttering through the air hot, sex scented air at full volume. “‘m sorry ma’am— i can’t… i’m really close, i really need’ta cum...please ma’am...mommy, i’ve been good—please let me cum...“ eijirou groans heartily, from deep in his chest as if he’s finally releasing what he’s been holding back— arms flexing and the sweat from his body slicking up your own.

limbs shaking you wrap your arms around his shoulders and press your foreheads against one another, while you nod. he worked so hard to make you feel good, all day long to do the best job that he can— pressing small kisses to his lips encouragingly. “you can do it baby, one last thing for me— fill me up eiji, cum for me.” you whisper between bites and sucks on his lower lip, lined with a vibrant shade of red.

“cummin’, cummin’...miss yn, mommy—!” and then his hips come to a halt, his dick pulsing as waves of his cream line your insides with an opaque white, thick and seeping down your thighs. his fingers drop to your sensitive cunt, slipping quick circles over your swollen clit to bring you to your high. his cock never stops pumping in and out of you, pushing his seed further into your sex while you writhe and fall over the edge into your orgasm— gushing so hard you force him out of plugged and full hole.

losing his strength, kirishima collapses on top of you, pressing out both to the hard wood seat which you’re surprised  is still standing, his lips pressing fleeting kisses across your face and neck while you both come back down to earth.

and then he looks up at you with a weak smile, “did i do good?” he asks you lazily and almost sleepily— refusing to budge from laying atop you and almost crushing you with his weight.

pushing back his hair to soothe him. “always eiji, you’re not my favourite intern for nothing,” you coo at him, pulling him up to press your lips to him in a soft kiss.

“i sure hope you don’t have any other favourites, i want to be the only one who assists you like this,” kirishima says, remaining tangled with you for a moment more in your office, content with snuggling into your exposed and bruised side.

you share a sleepy giggle, intending to clean up later— eijirou completely forgetting about the lunch he’d promised the other interns after your meeting.

oh well, assisting you was a much better treat than spending time with any one else.

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[mc-lukanette]

*crawls over completely exhausted* No Canon Lukanette... Need fluff... maybe salt too...

Luka gave Marinette's parents a smile as he waited for Marinette to come downstairs, though to say he was concerned was an understatement. He and Marinette hadn't been dating for long, but he knew something was wrong due to her song singing even more stress-filled notes than usual. He wanted to talk to her about it, but also wanted her to open up to him herself when she was ready.

Wanting to focus on smiling for her when she came down, Luka shook off the thought and stared up at Marinette's trap door. Seeing that she hadn't come down yet - understandable given that she had no idea he was there - he pulled out his phone and navigated to her contact. However, just before he could tap on it, there was an abrupt, loud, and unusual noise coming from Marinette's room, followed by the sound of Marinette yelping and presumably hitting the floor.

Luka gasped. “Marinette!”

Not even thinking, he hurried upstairs, phone clutched tightly in his hand as he pushed the trap door up and let himself in.

Over a dozen tiny kwami were speeding around her room, each with distinct voices and one of whom he recognized as Sass. He'd initially thought that the Liberty was chaos, and it was, but there was something different about fifteen little melodies all moving around simultaneously and wreaking havoc. They hadn't even seemed to notice that he was there.

There was also a ladybug-patterned ellipsoid lying on the table in the middle of it all, though Luka's eyes fixated mostly on Marinette lying there on the floor, now staring at him with wide eyes as he took in the whole situation.

"L-luka!" she greeted, voice forced. "W-what a surprise! I mean, you must be surprised at my toy collection! See, there's—there’s this magnetism thing going on that lets them seem like they're flying and—"

She was cut off as one of the kwami accidentally dropped something to the floor, making her flinch from the loud noise. Even the sound all around the room was overwhelming, the little beings ignoring Marinette’s panic in favor of playing with her things.

That's when the tears started, subtly at first until Marinette let out a whimper.

Ignoring all the revelations he just went through, Luka hurried to Marinette's side, helping her up and checking her for injuries. "Marinette, are you okay—"

"You know!" she cut in, running her fingers anxiously through her hair. "You're not supposed to know!"

He took a breath, recognizing that he was going to have to deal with these revelations now. "It's okay. I promise, I'd never—"

"No, it's not okay!" she argued, throwing her hands out. "I've been guardian for just a few days and this—this isn't—! I already—and now the kwami are out—!" She slumped and dropped her gaze to the floor, ashamed. "I'm a bad guardian. I'm a bad girlfriend. I couldn't protect you from knowing!"

"Marinette, you're not a bad girlfriend. You—" He paused, something occurring to him. "Protect me...?"

He hadn't been Viperion for long, but Luka remembered the importance given to secret identities. He understood that it was a form of protecting oneself and one's loved ones, meaning that a permanent hero like Ladybug needed to keep hers a secret the most.

"Is..." His stomach twisted in knots as he remembered all the dates she'd had to either miss or postpone. He bent down, trying to look at her face, and when he still couldn't, he gently cupped her face and encouraged her to make eye contact with him. "Is that why—"

"Yes! That's why I have to keep cutting our dates short, and not being there for you, and not going on patrols with Chat, and why I haven't had time to take those stupid Adrien pictures down! I can't do anything right!"

At some point, the volume of her voice had finally drawn the attention of the kwami, who all stared at her like children watching their parent having a breakdown and feeling awkward about it. Luka paid them no mind, his heart breaking as he processed all the information Marinette was telling him while all he could do was pull her into a hug and just hold her.

"I'm sorry I found out like this," he admitted, running his hand up and down along her back. "I'm glad that I know but I would've wanted you to share that secret with me instead."

"I-I'm sor—"

"Please don't apologize, Marinette," he gently begged. "I hate hearing songs with meanings I don't agree with. You don't have anything to feel sorry for. If I had the ladybug earrings instead, I would've had to do the same thing as you, and you wouldn't have asked me to apologize, would you?"

She looked up at him, expression pained and full of so many burdens that he couldn't believe he hadn't seen before. He brushed her fringe aside and rested his palm against her forehead, concerned about how pale she seemed and worried that she'd stress herself to a cold.

She leaned into his touch, then further until he was forced to move his hand away. She buried her face in his chest, surprising him as she hugged him tightly. Her song turned from the harsh wail of an electric guitar to the mellow tones of an acoustic, and he sighed in a mixture of relief and happiness.

"...Luka," she murmured, lightly clutching whatever fabric she could reach. "The movie. We'll miss it at this rate."

He hummed, half in response to what she said and half in content. "You're so much more important than the movie."

His heart skipped a beat when she actually giggled, her grip on him loosening and the hug turning to something she did because she wanted to, not for comfort. "More important than Jagged Stone?"

He chuckled, burying his face into her hair as he returned the hug. "Always. Even my idol can't compete with my muse."

She leaned further into him, her melody picking up hints off a bell chiming happily. She almost knocked him over from how much of her weight she was putting on him, but he didn't protest and even enjoyed it; it meant she was trusting him with her secrets instead of shouldering the weight herself.

"I know I couldn't have known," he began, "but I'm sorry that our dates took up your time. I never wanted to cause you any stress."

"But I wanted to!" she insisted, jolting up to look at him. "It's just—it's been a lot, and—"

He placed two fingers against her lips before she could start rambling. "Marinette, I don't need to go on normal dates to have fun with you."

She blinked, waiting for him to move his fingers before asking, "Y-you don't?"

He smiled. "Of course not. I can hang out here while you work, while you do important stuff."

With a small, amused snort, she pulled away from him and wiped any stray tears away. "You're 'important stuff.'"

He grinned like the love-struck fool that he was, then shrugged. "Well, I'll still be here anyway then, right?"

"That's true." She paused, glancing off to the side in consideration, then looked back at him as she asked, "in that case... would you help me with something?"

"Anything," he answered immediately.

She pointed, his gaze drawn to her wall full of Adrien pictures. "Like I said, I haven't had the time, and... I've been wanting to remodel forever."

He was more than happy to help, and there was a selfish part of him that considered it far better than any movie they could've seen.

—————

It took a bit more time than either of them anticipated to take down all of the images, but between the two of them, it wasn't a hard job. The biggest time-waster during the whole thing was Marinette's rambling, but Luka welcomed it wholeheartedly.

Due to not watching much TV, he honestly hadn't heard about what'd happened when Jagged Stone had been at the bakery and the camera crew had invaded Marinette's privacy, and he couldn't believe how much mental stress she must've gone through. After all, even though he and Juleka shared a room, there was still a divider for when they needed their privacy, so he wasn't unaware about how personal it was to have one's room recorded without their consent, even if nothing embarrassing got caught on camera.

It seemed cruel to know that Paris' supposedly lucky superhero was perhaps one of the unluckiest people he'd ever known.

Almost on cue, just when the last picture was down and Marinette was debating on what to do with them, her phone went off with a ringtone that sounded very much like danger. Looking over, there was a butterfly symbol flashing on the screen and Marinette's expression faltered at the sight of it.

"Akuma alert," she said flatly, with a pout that would've been cute had he not known what it meant. She hesitated, eyes flicking from him to her phone. "Um... look, I... I have to—"

"Go," he interrupted with a reassuring smile. "I'm not going anywhere, and I'll be here when you're done."

"But—" She frowned and glared at her phone, clearly knowing that she had to leave but not wanting to.

"I mean it, Marinette. It's okay."

She looked at him like she'd never heard those words from anyone else before, eyes vulnerable but fond. She gave him a nod, a brief smile flickering across her face before she turned away and rushed to the stairs. She shouted for her transformation on the way out and Luka watched as her clothes shifted into her ladybug-patterned bodysuit.

When she was completely gone, Luka felt a sudden unsteadiness and leaned against the table for support. It wasn't that he was shocked exactly to hear that Marinette was Ladybug, but he was still overloaded nonetheless.

As his hand rested on the table, he felt the heel of his palm brush something and looked down to see the pile of Adrien pictures next to him. It sent another rush through his body at the reminder that she'd asked him to help her take them down. He was dating her, sure, but he wasn't foolish enough to think that there were no lingering feelings for Adrien. He knew where she stood and he was okay letting her test the waters with him, as she did have feelings for him and who was he to complain if his crush wanted to date him? Besides, he couldn't help wanting to see if maybe it would truly make their bond stronger.

Looking at the wall now, clear of anything but the pink paint, he knew this was real and ended up wishing he'd brought his guitar.

Then, remembering the akuma alert on Marinette's phone, Luka pulled out his own and began to search, eventually finding what she already had: a direct link to watch streams and updates on whatever akuma or sentimonster shenanigans were going on. He knew well enough that he would only give himself anxiety from it, but he wanted to watch his girlfriend in action as a form of support.

Gosh, Ladybug was his girlfriend.

He took a deep breath to steady himself as he watched the footage, his eyes locked to the screen and only shifting when he felt various figures drawing close. He looked up to see that the kwami had all gathered around him, watching the screen closely.

"So..." the pig-looking kwami began, fiddling with their own paws like they knew they were being awkward. "Have you ever wanted to be a hero?"

There was a hiss off to the side, Sass cutting in with, "He already has me."

Luka wasn't feeling up to smile at that, debating with himself before sighing. "Marinette works really hard, and her song is full of sour notes right now," he said. Stepping away and heading for the chaise lounge, he sat down and added, "I hope you can figure out how to rewrite them."

The kwami all exchanged looks, some confused by the metaphor and others who perhaps understood but didn't know how to follow up on it. Luka didn't give them his attention, focusing on the akuma battle playing on his phone.

As he'd expected, it made him a little nervous actually seeing Ladybug in action due to now knowing it was his girlfriend fighting out there. He believed in her abilities and mentally cheered her on, but he just kept remembering all the akuma he'd known about and how stressful it had to have been.

Off to the side, some of the kwami joined forces to help pick up some of the items they'd previously dropped on the floor. It was only after Marinette's room looked as it did before that they properly joined Luka to watch the battle with him.

It was a start.

—————

The battle between Ladybug and the akuma (and Chat Noir was there he supposed) seemed to be getting into its final verse when Luka heard the sound of the trap door being grabbed and clicked open, making him jump. He was only able to whisper a, "Hide," so the kwami could act before Sabine peered inside the room and took a curious look around.

Apparently, they all thought that huddling against his back was a great hiding spot, and he could only smile sheepishly at Sabine while attempting to ignore the weird feeling.

"You're still here?" Sabine asked. "I thought you were going somewhere, and..." She raised a brow, looking around once more. "Where's Marinette?"

"Ah," Luka began, his mind rushing for an excuse, "we actually decided to have our date here instead. Marinette just went up to her balcony to grab something."

It didn't feel good to lie, though he also felt a sense of accomplishment in protecting Marinette's secret. Was this what Marinette dealt with all the time; having to lie to people even if she didn't want to?

Sabine glanced up briefly to where the balcony was, then back to him, slightly confused but rolling with it. "Alright. Do you two need anything?"

"No, ma'am. Thank you though," he replied, hoping it didn't sound forced.

Thankfully, Sabine nodded and left without asking any further questions, the kwami emerging and clinging to Luka while they peered at the now-closed trap door. Luka breathed a sigh of relief, then went back to watching the akuma battle on his phone.

The rest of the fight took a couple minutes, and all that was left to do afterward was wait for Ladybug to return. Once again, Luka wished he had his guitar, making a mental note to get all of his feelings out when he got home, as typical music apps just didn't do anything for him.

An expected "thump" eventually came from the balcony, and the kwami drifting away from Luka as Ladybug descended and landed on her bed. She saw Luka staring at her and initially flinched, but it was clearly a reflex from people seeing her as Ladybug where she shouldn't be, and she hurried down to meet with him afterward. Luka hopped to his feet, not hesitating to meet her halfway and envelop her in a hug, earning a squeak out of her.

"L-luka?"

"Sorry," he murmured. "Just... I got to think about everything you must've gone through without m—" He choked off, suddenly embarrassed, then corrected, "—someone to help you."

She blinked, then giggled and hugged him back. "You're my boyfriend. You're apologizing for hugging me and being worried about sounding selfish?" She nestled her face against his shoulder and he blushed at how warm she was. "Don't. I like it when you're a little selfish, Luka. It grounds me; makes me feel like you're not totally out of my league."

Luka scoffed, nuzzling his head against hers. "You're in a league all your own. I'm literally dating a superhero."

"Trust me, it's not as cool as it sounds."

"I disagree. I think you're really cool."

She blushed profusely. "H-hey..."

He chuckled. "By the way, your mom came to check up on us."

Ladybug gasped, then pulled back, eyes wide and concerned. She was clearly about to apologize, so he cut her off before she could.

"I told her that we were having our date here and that you were getting something from the balcony. Everything's alright."

Her shoulders eased. She let out a sigh of relief as her head fell back against his shoulder. "Thank you."

He hummed contently, resting his hand along her back and keeping it there. Then, realizing when Sabine came up earlier and might do it again, he reminded her, "You're still Ladybug."

"Huh? ...Oh!" she said, though with less panic than normal and unwilling to recoil from the happy spot she was in.

He heard the whisper of her de-transformation phrase and winced as the light engulfed her, slowly turning her back into Marinette. He felt the spandex under his hand turn into fabric and Marinette's breath against his skin as she exhaled.

A kwami that Luka deduced was Marinette's flew a small distance away, eyeing Luka warily and semi-critically. Luka didn't blame her - he wasn't supposed to know - but he also knew that it was far too late to change anything now, and there was no way he was going to abandon Marinette or pretend he knew nothing. He imagined that the kwami knew that too.

"...I'm Tikki," the kwami greeted finally. "It's nice to meet you officially, Luka."

Luka gave her a nod in return, then stiffened somewhat as Marinette squeezed him tighter, burying her face further against him like she truly cherished him.

"It's still a lot," she whispered. "Is it okay if you hug me a little longer?"

"Of course." Though, he paused for a moment before adding, "Would it be more comfortable for you if we move to your chaise?"

"Hm?" She pulled away just enough to look down and realize that they were still awkwardly standing at the bottom of the steps to her bed. "Oh! Yeah, I mean—I didn't even—"

"Hey." He tenderly cupped her cheek, offering a smile. "I didn't complain, did I?"

She looked briefly surprised, making him wonder just how much she'd had to apologize in the past. They slowly made their way over to the chaise lounge, Luka settling down and opening his arms for her so she could settle onto his lap and snuggle against him. He leaned back against the chaise, throwing his legs across the length of it, then wrapped an arm around Marinette to make her feel secure.

"This is nice. It's... um—" She peeked up at him, then grinned shyly. "—melodic? Is that what you'd call it?"

He couldn't stop himself from snorting.

Marinette blushed in embarrassment. "H-hey! I'm trying, okay?"

"I know." He took a strand of her hair in his hand and stroked it. "You always try, and I love that about you."

She let out a series of whines at that, but doesn't protest the compliment either. She nestled against his chest, keeping her face turned away enough to still talk to him without her voice being muffled.

"I just... want to know more about you, Luka," she told him. "You're so sweet and I felt awful having to ditch you. Didn't it bother you?"

He gave a one-armed shrug. "You were busy. I unders—"

"Luka."

He stopped, meeting her firm gaze and knowing that he wasn't getting out of this easily. He sighed, admitting, "...Yeah, it bothered me, but it wasn't because of you or that I didn't trust you. I... see—my dad..." He rubbed the back of his neck, realizing that he'd never told anyone this story before. "I never knew who he was. I asked my mom so many times, but she never gave me an answer. Whenever you had to leave and lie to me, I..."

"Oh." She raised herself up more to meet him closer to eye level. "I'm so sorry—wait—sorry, you told me not to apologize—Sorry! I did it agai—ACK!"

He laughed, feeling warm and delighted by how much she cared about him and wanted him to feel secure in their relationship. He squeezed her shoulder in reassurance, wanting to nuzzle her for how cute she was being and just barely able to hold himself back.

"Don't worry about it. I'm glad you were looking out for me, but you deserve someone to look out for you too."

She pouted a bit at the heartfelt comment, then smiled and raised her hand to settle on his along her shoulder.

He hummed, pausing purposefully for effect before asking, "...So, what does the great guardian Marinette want to do now?"

"Oh my gosh, Luka."

He grinned, happy to compliment her until she was completely red. "How about the brave and heroic Ladybug then?"

"Luka."

He reached up to caress her cheek with his thumb. "But, if you ask me, I like the kind, sincere civilian Marinette best."

"LUKA!"

—————

The rest of their "date" passed by smoothly, Marinette's parents having left them alone so as to not interrupt anything. Marinette had idly brought up the idea that the movie might still be playing - just at a different time than they planned on going - but Luka brushed off the idea and insisted that he was happy there and didn't need to go on a "real" date with her to have fun, opting to leave it up to her.

And... yeah, neither of them were willing to leave their current position and exchange it for having to sit in different seats at a theater with other people around. They opted to just stare at the ceiling and talk, the kwami having respectfully retreated to Marinette's bed to give them privacy.

Talks of their past meetings and when she left to become Ladybug soon turned into a game of finishing Jagged Stone lyrics. Luka, either by being the bigger fan or just having an easier time remembering them, ended up winning in the end, though he couldn't have expected Marinette to follow up by immediately leaving his lap. He'd held back a whine at the sudden lack of warmth and wondered if maybe she'd been teasing him with some sort of punishment by going away.

But then she'd returned with a tiny pink gift box, and inside was a guitar pick necklace signed by Jagged Stone himself.

"He came into the bakery the other day and I had him sign it for you," she explained. Taking it out to fully present it to him, she asked, "Do...do you like it?"

"I love it, Marinette," he replied immediately, reaching out to feel the guitar pick and properly appreciate it. "I can have this?"

She smiled in response, holding the necklace out in a gesture that made his heart skip a beat, realizing that she was offering to put it on him herself. He leaned close, feeling the light brush of her fingers against his neck as she slipped it onto him. He silently hoped that it was durable because he was absolutely never taking it off.

Marinette's hands lingered on the string even when the necklace was fully on, Luka meeting her gaze to see that she was looking at him with all the love he'd ever dreamed of her offering him. He didn't say a word and neither did she, but with a light tug on his necklace, he was pulled towards her into a kiss. It was definitely too deep for their first but also so nice that neither of them cared, and not even the Ladybug revelation could outmatch his surprise at being so readily smooched.

Luka reached for the hand grabbing his necklace, Marinette letting go of it so they could thread their fingers together. His song was going crazy as she leaned forward, clearly wanting more from him and him being wonderfully helpless to resist her. He breathed her in, his other hand finding its place on her side. Her own hand rose up so her fingers could settle against the back of his neck, and he couldn't bring himself to be embarrassed by the sound he made when she started playing with his hair.

She didn't even pull away when their kiss broke, merely pressing her forehead to his while they each caught their breath. Despite the boldness she'd just displayed, she somehow couldn't maintain eye contact and ended up looking elsewhere while all he could do was stare at her in a daze.

"S-sor—" She paused, remembering again that he told her not to apologize. "I-I mean, I'm... not sorry? I—ah—remembered you saying that music is simpler than words, so I just—I thought that maybe I shouldn't ask you with words and just... play it instead?" Luka could feel the heat radiating from her blush as she hurriedly added, "Um... is that okay?"

He answered her with another kiss.

#type: story #story: oneshot #Flower Arrangement Shipping #episode: Truth #other: ml spoilers #((I may or may not have made that ending scene a little more passionate than it would be otherwise)) #((out of pure spite.)) #((You're welcome.)) #Pro LukaMari #Lukanette

[teyvatdreams]

Square brain anon is back for round two! How do you feel about Albedo, Childe, Diluc, and one character of your choice (separately) with an s/o who is always fidgeting with things and has a tendency to take things apart without really thinking? Like they’re clicking a pen and then suddenly, the pen is completely disassembled. How did this happen? Who knows? What a mystery this is. But don’t worry, they can put it back together. Usually...

them with an s/o who’s always fidgeting / taking things apart

includes: albedo, childe, diluc, and kaeya

albedo

whenever you’re with albedo in his lab, you usually just take notes for him

alchemy isn’t exactly your thing

when he has to make a trip to mondstadt, you tell him you’ll look after the lab

you just didn’t expect it to be so… boring

“i’m back,” albedo says, stepping into the lab. “sorry it took a bit longer than expected, all the adventurers wanted to… talk to me…” he stops his words when he realizes you aren’t listening — you’re too focused on the pen in your hands, almost masterfully repairing it after taking it apart.

as you snap the last piece back in place, you turn to look at him. “oh, hi. welcome back,” you say, giving him a smile. you pick up your clipboard and attempt to click your pen. however, it takes a few firm clicks to actually get the tip of the pen to appear. “shall we continue our research?”

“did you take apart your pen again?” he asks.

you nod. “yeah… got bored.” you say, shrugging. you try clicking the pen again, and it loudly squeaks from the side effects of being taken apart and put back together again multiple times.

albedo sighs, but then chuckles. “guess i’ll have to start investing in new pens.”

childe

upon arriving in liyue, both you and childe purchased a kamera from the man who practically yelled at you to

you ended up not minding though

it was fun to take pictures of childe

but it was even more fun to take yours apart and put it back together

you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel proud every time you managed to put it back together perfectly

so why wasn’t childe’s kamera doing the same?

you weren’t exactly sure why you wanted to take childe’s kamera apart. it was different from yours, and it was calling your name. you had gotten so used to taking yours apart that you could probably do it with your eyes closed. (childe had to stop you from taking it apart in public once.)

you scratch your head, trying to figure out where the last few pieces of the kamera were supposed to go. you furrow your brows. where did all of these extra pieces come from?

your heart sinks when you hear childe enter through the front door. panicked, you shove the final pieces into the kamera, cringing at the horrible sound it made. you quickly set it down from where you had picked it up just in time, as childe enters the room a few moments later.

it’s as if he can tell you were up to something. he squints. “are you okay?”

“i’m fine.” you reply quickly, smiling. “just fine.”

“…alright… uh, do you want to go out? we can get dinner. the sunset looks really beautiful tonight.” he suggests.

you nod. “yes! yes, that’s a great idea. we should definitely leave!”

“okay, perfect. let me just grab my kamera. i want to take a picture of you with the sunset.” he walks to where you’re standing, reaching behind you to grab the broken gadget. you don’t even have time to stop him.

when he picks it up, it just falls apart. the pieces of the kamera fall to the floor and childe holds the top part that managed to stay intact in his hand.

you give him a sheepish smile. “so… do you still wanna go out? maybe to buy a new kamera?”

diluc

your fidgeting kinda makes diluc nervous

like, why are you throwing glass bottles around?

why do you take everything apart? and why are you so good at it?

you’ve proven to him multiple times that you usually don’t break things and accidentally cause chaos

he really just doesn’t understand how you do what you do

“please, can i have it back diluc?” you ask, trudging behind him. “i’m not a child!”

“i’m sorry, but no. the glass to these things are very fragile. even dropping it in the grass would break it.” he replies. “i can’t risk you breaking it.”

he had taken your wind catcher, apparently nervous that you’d drop it while fidgeting as always. it was pretty important to have it for this mission.

you groan. “why do you think i’m gonna break it? i’ve never broken one before.” you point out.

diluc finally stops in his tracks, giving you a chance to catch up to him. the bottle was firmly grasped in his hand. he sighs and loosens it, holding it towards you. “fine. you’re right, and i trust you.”

“haha! thank you, i promise i won’t—“

time almost seems to slow down as you watch the bottle fall to the ground. it shatters as soon as it hits the grown, a strong gust of wind nearly blowing you off your feet. you look back at diluc, whose hair has been completely messed up from the wind.

“um… let the wind lead?” you say softly, chuckling.

kaeya

kaeya was surprised to say the least when he realized how much time you spent with klee

maybe it was because you felt bad that the young girl got often reprimanded by him and jean

he was just trying to keep everyone safe

bombs are no joke

bombs. are. no. joke. right?

“what is that?”

you nearly jump out of your skin at kaeya’s voice behind you, and you try to hide the bomb-making materials behind you. “ah, nothing…” you say.

“is that…” kaeya peers behind you. “one of klee’s bombs?”

“i mean…” you turn to look behind you. “it’s a jumpy dumpty. please respect his name.”

“you’re helping klee make bombs?” he asks. “we’re trying to stop her, and you’re helping her?”

“no, i just… well… okay… yes, i’m helping her but it’s only because i like building them! i just take them apart and put them back together again, add a different face to it and give it back to klee.” you admit.

kaeya sighs, rubbing his temple. “you’ve been building bombs for klee behind my back… do you need to go into solitary confinement too?” he asks, holding back a smile.

“no, no! i promise i make sure she only uses the jumpy dumpty in an empty, open area! no one has ever gotten hurt! kaeya, please don’t tell jean about-“

“alright,” kaeya cuts you off. “fine. i’ll let you keep being klee’s enabler. but only if you add an eyepatch to the one you’re making right bow.”

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact x gender neutral reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact fluff #genshin impact imagines #diluc x reader #childe x reader #kaeya x reader #albedo x reader #diluc fluff #childe fluff #kaeya fluff #albedo fluff #diluc headcanons #childe headcanons #kaeya headcanons #albedo headcanons

[cc-0420]

sometimes i feel like obi-wan was meant to fall

the emotional kid in the crèche and had a tough time controlling his anger

rejected by qui-gon

sent to bandomeer and ended up being a slave in the mines

finally becomes a padawan

then, the mission to melinda/daan

he leaves the jedi order (the place he tried so hard to belong) to help the young in the war

the amount of distrust that grows between him and qui-gon

when anakin comes along, obi-wan is basically disowned publicly by qui-gon so he could take on anakin as a padawan

(not that he blames anakin, because he is a kid who has no clue what’s going on)

yet when maul comes to fight, obi-wan is still willing to die for qui-gon because he is so loyal (and attached)

the fight with maul is the first time he touches that anger to use the dark side. there is no way a padawan can just beat a sith apprentice without the dark side

when the fight ends and he “kills” maul, i think he suppresses it enough because he wants to complete qui-gon’s final wish to train anakin

(wtf, why would you put that burden on him it’s basically a soon to graduate high school kid now having to raise an elementary student)

so obi-wan suppresses any darkness to become the perfect jedi to train anakin

when the war starts, things begin to change

when arriving at kamino, obi-wan feels the millions of lights, with different personalities

obi-wan is introduced to his commander, cc-2224, who, when asked a name, is hesitant due to pure fear of what happened to past troopers

he slowly learns of the horrors of kamino, the reconditioning and decommissioning of former troopers. the clones are afraid of the jedi due to stories heard from the kaminoans, i mean, they’re just products to be sold

obi-wan goes out of the way to make an effort to learn all of the 212st’s names. yet as the war goes on, he feels the lights blink out on the battlefield

then his ex-padawan gets his own padawan. now, ahsoka is bright, but her training is very different from past generations. instead of learning about cultures and preserving life, they are taught to fight separatists and serve the republic (and that is the exact reason he got kicked out in melinda/daan)

than umbara happens. right under obi-wan’s nose. he was on the planet, sending his troops into massacre

pong krell was a jedi, yet treated the clones like droids, not the life forms they were. while filing the report, obi-wan let himself truly grieve for the first time in the war

when before, obi-wan was rolling down a hill to the dark side, he begins to fall on kadavo

each action obi-wan did wrong became punishment for the tortugas. as they worked pointlessly for “training” the tortugas lost all hope on the jedi. they were the ones to blame for the punishment

the mission was to get the citizens of kiros back. any other action could be seen as an act of war for the republic

this is what the order has become is all obi wan can think, the republics slaves. jedi are supposed to protect the people, not whatever the republic demanded

his spirit begins breaking down. no physical torture can match the guilt of not being able to save others.

unlike bandomeer, he is not the one getting punished for his actions

when he and rex get free, obi-wan wants to kill agruss and his eyes flicker yellow for a moment. but, like canon, rex does it for him

afterwards, rex and obi-wan talk about the horrors of the facility and the lack of faith for the republic and what they are fighting for

rex points out that the clones are a slave to the republic anyway and that they have no other options with their lives (he would never say it straight out to a commanding officer, but this is a headcanon)

“what would you do if we weren’t fighting this war?” “i wouldn’t exist, but i sometimes think many of the vod would prefer that”

that’s when obi-wan snaps. the clones deserve rights more than anyone, yet they will never get it from the republic

the 212th join him with no questions asked cody would follow obi wan till the end of time

obi-wan offers the idea to anakin. he says he is betraying the republic and the chancellor. obi wan says anakin is betraying his troops, yet makes sure he knows that he and ahsoka would always have a place with him

“why?” “the jedi have lost their path. in zygarria, it was get in and out with the tortugas, yet so many remain in slavery.”

“what about my mom?” “what about your mom?” obi-wan was never told anakin was a slave

“i need to stay here. padmé, the chancellor, ahsoka. they need me.” “ok anakin. i am always here for you if you want to reach out about anything” ahsoka stays for anakin

rex wouldn’t leave anakin and ahsoka, but allows for the vod to make their own decision and half of the 501st leaves

so obi-wan, with a battalion and a half leaves the gar and the jedi unannounced. he travels the galaxy picking up clones (who want to join) as well as anyone in need

it is uncalled for and brings the senate and the order to chaos. how can the perfect jedi leave?

as a sith, he isn’t fighting for power or revenge. he is fighting for freedom and justice for the people in the galaxy

the only reason he would fall would be to help others

(he tried so hard to be the perfect jedi, which makes it impossible in his eyes to leave, but is also a great excuse for falling)

he wears armor b/c he wants cody to be happy (the only reason he wasn’t before was b/c it was unjedi-like and straying too far from his beliefs)

he keeps the blue saber, yet also uses blaster now because he became uncivilized

he does read about the powers of the sith and explores what he can do

obi-wan was always good at force suggesting people

while the senate and the public panics (how could they not, the great negotiator has deflected with the best battalion in the galaxy), the order uses the time to reflect. no one joins obi-wan, but there is an unspoken agreement to support his cause

he never explicitly fights against the republic, but doesn’t mind fighting separatists when ever he gets a chance

if a jedi was asked, they didn’t get mysterious help when they were previously losing. yeah, a bunch of clones disappeared, but we won. the senate doesn’t know the difference

falling is a disgrace, but that doesn’t mean plo koon and shaak ti doesn’t send some troopers kenobi’s way as the vod’s honorary buirs

palpatine’s plans begin falling apart

it allows windu and yoda to sooner recognize the flaws in the order and in the senate

barriss leaves the temple sooner, but goes to obi-wan instead of bombing the temple

anakin is now able to trust obi-wan with his and padmé’s relationship, in which he can voice his approval and anakin doesn’t have to feel guilty

when palpatine promises anakin a way to save padmé, he asks obi-wan if that’s true

obi-wan kills palpatine for being a pedo (or he lets fox a clone do it if they want ceaser style)

everyone lives happily with palpatine dead

anakin leaves the order to become a trophy husband (and learn more from obi-wan)

as does ahsoka

the clones get a vacation

i got this idea from @curioscurio ‘s sith!obi-wan fan art

#add on if you want #sith obi-wan is hot #even dooku wanted him to be a sith #sith obi wan #obi wan kenobi #obi wan #tcw obi wan #sw #sw tcw #justice for the clones #fanfic #codywan #anakin skywalker #tcw ahsoka #clones #clone wars #captain rex #qui-gon jinn

[markantonys]

diving into lord of chaos! the 3 terms i know from this book going in are The Box, dumai’s wells, and asha’man kill. what do they mean? i don’t know, but i know they’re iconic (and traumatic) and i will be keeping an eye out for them

the similar names are starting to get out of hand. took me a solid paragraph to remember demandred was a forsaken and not some cairhienin (since a lot of cairhienin names have the -dred ending). and every time i see “mazrim taim” i feel like mat and tam al’thor are making up fake names to get free trials of stuff

our first glimpse of shayol ghul and the dark one! very exciting. does the dark one have a corporeal form or is he just like a spirit entity? a deity of sorts? how will rand be able to battle and defeat him? (all rhetorical questions ofc)

i wonder if shayol ghul will exist at all in the show since they’ve changed the dark one’s prison to the eye of the world. now that i’m thinking about it i think that was a great decision bc a) shayol ghul feels like a lotr knockoff whereas the eye and the blight are more distinct and memorable b) what even is the point of the eye in the books? does it ever come up again after the first one? why did moiraine even need to take the kids there in the first place (i’m sure this was explained at the time but i completely forget)? why is there just a pool of untainted saidin chilling there? how is that possible? how can saidin be matter, i thought it was just some intangible force? why doesn’t rand think about going back to the eye to try and use this untainted saidin? all this to say that the show’s version of “the eye is the dark one’s prison and moiraine has to take the kids there to defeat him” is much more clear-cut. and c) older hardened rand going to the eye to battle the dark one in the series finale the same way little baby rand did in the s1 finale will be a beautiful full circle moment and WILL make me cry my eyes out

is it just me or is the aes sedai not letting elayne go to caemlyn very uhhhhh stupid? i understand they want her to finish her training but, political powerhouses as they supposedly are, you would think they’d realize that a huge country being in turmoil because they have no ruler MIGHT cause problems. “if rand has you and caemlyn he has andor” so you think the solution is to keep elayne away and let him have caemlyn all to himself? how is that not worse?

if elayne can make ter’angreal now, i think she should make a matching set of Fuck Hut-esque ter’angreals for all members of the polycule so that they can long-distance date more effectively

"min’s laugh had a huskiness to it; elayne supposed many men would find that attractive. and she was pretty, in a mischievous sort of way.” i swear to god elayne is the most bisexual straight character i’ve ever encountered. i can’t wait for the show to make bi elayne canon

“if [rand] learns about the viewing he might decide it isn’t what we want, only the pattern, or his being ta’veren. he could decide to be noble and save us by not letting either of us near him” elayne says, and she is bang on, but min replies “more likely, if he realizes we’ll both come running when he crooks a finger, he’ll crook it. he won’t be able to help himself.” doing rand a huge disservice and proving that elayne knows him WAY better than she does

“you and i will divide him up like a pie. maybe we’ll let the third have a bit of crust when she shows up.” ugh. min you are losing my esteem left right and center. i absolutely loved her the first 4 books, things took an abrupt nosedive in book 5, and book 6 is not off to a promising start. some of you guys have assured me that min/rand will get much better once they actually have screentime together (though others have said that it remained their least fav rand ship throughout), which i hope is the case bc at the current moment there’s a long ways to go before i will ship it. at this point i’m advocating for mat straight up taking her spot in the polycule rather than being added as a fifth jkdjfg

very fitting that the next scene opens with faile saying “a man is not a horse or a field, neither of you can own him” i do feel like she ought to take her own advice there lmfao but i’m glad to see her again!!! despite how much the tsr relationship drama pissed me off, i actually really love faile? i think that’s an unpopular opinion, but I Just Think She’s Neat

so it seems it’s perrin’s turn to experience the homoerotic ta’veren pull! very interesting how faile thinks about “sharing” perrin with rand with similar language as elayne and min do about sharing rand romantically with each other. if you wanna be my lover you gotta get with my fellow ta’veren to whom fate has inexorably linked me

tangent but i’m realizing that mat’s struggle with his fate-pull to rand is so fucking SIMILAR to min’s and aviendha’s. good GOD just put him in the polycule!

“why did the dragon reborn need perrin now, so strongly that perrin could feel it across however many hundred leagues lay between them?” fellas is it gay to need your buddy so strongly that he can feel it from hundreds of leagues away

i know we hate gawyn, but him thinking about swearing an oath to give his life for elayne’s when he was “barely tall enough to peer into elayne’s cradle” 🥺🥺 that got to me okay? and i can’t blame him for believing the rumors that rand killed morgase and elayne and now wanting to kill rand for it. “gawyn had chosen to stay because his mother had always supported the tower, because his sister wanted to be aes sedai” that was an aha! moment for me where i felt that i understood gawyn’s decision in the coup much better - he has no reason to disbelieve the charges against siuan (esp since he was already suspicious of her for concealing elayne’s whereabouts) and he truly thought that supporting elaida (who was his mother’s advisor for most of his life) meant supporting the tower, and therefore his mom and sister. i still have no strong opinion about gawyn either way, time will tell whether i join the ranks of gawyn haters or end up taking him under my wing as a problematic fav

sevanna mentions a small cube that a wetlander gave to her with instructions of what to do with it once she had rand. mesaana mentions something called a “stasis box.” could one or both of these things be THE box????

i am 65% sure osan’gar is ishamael brought back to life (we know he’s a male forsaken but not rahvin, and i don’t think any of the other dead ones are important enough to make a comeback), but i wonder who aran’gar could be

“stripped to the waist...sweat slicked his hair to his skull, rolled down his chest...figures like that on the white banner overhead twined around his forearms, glittering metallically red-and-gold” god bless, we continue our tradition of a sexy description of rand to kick off the book (post-prologue). i vividly remember tfoh opening with a sexy description of him lounging by a window in rhuidean, and i believe tgh began with him shirtlessly sparring with lan

“sometimes he was so sick of himself that he really was ready to die” 😭😭😭😭😭

“rand said nothing; mat’s secrets were his own” protective boyfriend! “he supposed mat had to have read a book sometime, somewhere, but mat did not have much interest in books” exasperated boyfriend!

bashere is so chill i love him. how he has a daughter who is Like That i have no idea. i hope we get to see him and faile interact sometime.

“he would welcome more men who could channel walking the earth unmolested. finally he would stop being a freak.” 😭😭😭😭 man that just shattered my heart. sometimes it really hits that rand is only a deeply lonely 20-year-old trying his best. also, rand’s channeling abilities as metaphor for queerness example #372456

“i’m going to build something, leave something behind. whatever happens, i will do that! i’ll defeat the dark one. and cleanse saidin, so men don’t have to fear going mad, and the world doesn’t have to fear men channeling” just copy in all my commentary from the previous bullet point, crying emojis included

lots of mentions of rand’s luck, and taim even says he has the dark one’s own luck. which as we know is a mat thing! leave me to grasp at what cauthor straws i can, ok? now that i mention it, i’m 90% sure that the very first instance of “time to toss the dice” was actually rand, when he was trying to take them all thru the portal stone in tgh

lews therin when rand yells at him to shut up: surprised pikachu.jpg. interesting that he may be an actual conscious (?) voice that rand can talk to, rather than just memories etc. but does this mean that lews therin will never truly get to rest in peace, if some part of him is still alive thru rand? that’s so sad :(

i feel that entrusting all these male channelers to the tutelage of some powerful and dangerous guy who just showed up who rand is getting bad vibes from right off the bat may not be the smartest idea, but poor rand is so overworked, he really doesn’t have many other options

“to the maidens, rand was all those children come back, the first child of a maiden ever to be known to everyone”

okay okay okay i’m fine moving on

“he had to stay away from [aviendha]. he carried death with him like a contagious disease; he was like a target, and people died near him” see? elayne was bang on

rand absolutely owning the maidens by telling a joke so bad even i can’t work out the punchline. i love him.

“tolmeran’s doubts centered on mat. despite what he had heard from cairhienin of mat’s skill in battle, tolmeran thought it flattery from fools for a country man who happened to be a friend of the dragon reborn” i just KNOW there are rumors that mat only got his job because he’s sleeping with rand, i just know it

“they were honest objections, and semaradrid’s even had validity” so rand thinks that tolmeran’s objections about mat are NOT valid. supportive boyfriend!

the maidens giving rand advice for how to get aviendha’s attention i’m crying they are his big sisters and moms!!! i love them!!!!

had to post this passage in full bc i’m hollering. i rest my case about there being rumors that mat is sleeping with rand. he is so anxious about anyone finding out rand teleported to his room for a pre-dawn bootycall (which, come on, rand, you can’t just teleport directly into someone’s room in the middle of the night, mat would’ve been well within his rights to stab you)

“how do you know you’re in love with a woman, mat?” “how in the pit of doom should i know?” mat has no time for your heteronormative assumptions rand

i feel like rand didn’t even need mat’s input on anything, he just came bc he wanted to talk to him 🥺 usually rand keeps his problems close to his chest, but he’s venting pretty freely to mat rn

rand saying “no man should have another man’s voice in his head” about his own problems and mat thinking he’s talking about HIS problems AAAAAAHHHH JUST FUCKIN TALK TO EACH OTHER YOU IDIOTS!!! YOU HAVE (SOME OF) THE SAME PROBLEMS!!! GIVE EACH OTHER THERAPY!!!!! GODDAMMIT

mat has adopted a child!! he really went “i’ve only had olver for a second and a half but if anything happens to him i’ll kill everyone in this town and then myself.” he is such a dad!!!! him kneeling down to talk to olver instead of talking about him over his head to another adult because he used to hate when adults did that to him 🥺🥺🥺 this will be all the more touching in the show with Dad Mat already established by his devotion to his sisters

i am so sooooo curious about the lands beyond the aiel waste and wonder if we’ll ever see more of them

#wot #wot book spoilers #oh i forget whereabouts this happened but i cracked up when rand was like 'uh oh i lost asmodean. oh well!' #poor asmodean really did get the most unceremonious offing

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 10: BIG DICK IS BACK IN TOWN

y/n is back in brooklyn for the holidays. thinking that a stream will make her feel less homesick for cali, she starts working on her famously titled hentai.free.srv. what was supposed to be a relaxing stream turns into a special delivery about two hours in.

─── corpse husband x reader ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 2.2k ─── ❥ req: Here's one... You know those apps for delivery like Domino's or whatnot... What if reader is streaming Among Us with Corpse, and reader mentions they're hungry and Corpse offers to order them food, and readers like no no it's fine... Then there's delivery at the door (Corpse ordered beforehand) 

author’s note: fucky format is also back in town baby!!! also if you find any mistakes - no u didnt <3 thank u everyone for enjoying this story sm i literally cant believe how feral yall going strawberry cow was a nuclear explosion im still recovering tbh. got an ask a while ago and decided to incorporate it into myso. happy holidays everyone! myso will continue on monday!

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous.  ҉   next.

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Indeed, being soft on any social media platform was the biggest disgrace and needed to be eliminated post haste. Moreover, it was a slippery slope - once you start flooding your timeline with cute imagery and heart emojis, what will stop you from posting inspirational Facebook quotes? Disgusting. If Rae were here, she would chide you (not you thinking about her as if she’s dead or something). For once in your life, you feel like you deserve it. 

Alas, you hope this little chaos you’ve caused is enough to throw everyone off. The stans, especially. You know the hashtags, you’ve seen ARMY scourging for info online with the same fervor and ruthlessness 1 Direction fans hacked airport security cameras just to spy on the boys. If you had any dirty secrets online, they are out to the public now - thankfully, besides the Harry Styles stan account (with edits and all), you have nothing. Though, now that you think about it, exposed nudes would have been better than your Punk!Harry edit receiving almost a million views. God, your life’s a fucking mess.

Your fans aren’t the only ones out for info - you, too, are trying to decipher Rae’s message. Code: Barbecue Sauce. The two of you had come up with it roughly two years ago, around the same time when you promised that if you didn’t find significant others by the time you’re 40, you’ll just marry each other. It was one of the many rules found in your friendship codex. Barbecue Sauce signifies information - an exchange of information. And depending on how it ends or begins (”So I’m sitting there” alludes to Rae, “On my titties” alludes to you), secret data on that person is given away, usually free of charge. 

But why? And to whom did Rae give away what? You had pestered her mercilessly and even sent some voice messages where you were crying. You were only crying because of a video of a grandpa smiling you saw on TikTok, but you are a snake, and so you put those tears to good use. If streaming doesn’t work out, you’ll just become an actress. Hollywood would love you. Your PR firm sure as fuck wouldn’t, though.

Rae was having none of it. She said you’ll figure it out eventually. Told you to channel your superior puzzle skills. You were quick to remind her that you can barely count to ten without having an aneurysm. Oddly serious, she admitted that she worries for you sometimes. Why only sometimes?! you demanded. She merely sighed. uttering under her breath something that sounded closely to “Boke.”

You leave her for barely a week and she’s already neck deep in the gay volleyball anime, hoodie and cardboard cutout and everything. Your life is falling apart.

But Brooklyn is nice. It had snowed when you stepped off of the plane. Thousands of snowflakes sprinkling into your hair, dotting your cheeks and nose. You missed this sight back in Cali. You missed your parents, too. 

Home cooked meals, old sweaters, your old room and about 40GB worth of old high school pictures on your computer. You went through them all one night. Some were stomach churning, cringe inducing nightmares. You were especially fond of those. Texted some of your friends that were still in Brooklyn, met up, decided to bake. Bad idea, Rae was the resident chef back in Cali. Besides laughing till your stomach hurt, and almost burning down your kitchen, nothing all that significant happened. Somewhere down the line, at about 3 am, half-way through a cheesy rom-com you had the overwhelming urge to text Corpse.

That’s where the problems really started. God, you missed California, missed being in the same timezone with a guy you hadn’t even met yet, how embarrassing is that?! You missed skating around and taking pictures of the beach in the setting sun, sending it to him, silently wishing he was with you to admire the view. 

You really want to call him. And to hang out with him. But for some reason, the thought of that springs up immediate anxiety and you shy away from asking. Him sending you cute good morning texts doesn’t help, either. Maybe it’s better he doesn’t know that you’re a blushing, stuttering mess each time you read “baby”. 

Late evening. Your stream is already set up, people are slowly trickling in and you greet them with a grin and a soft “Hello! Hi hi!”. You did your best to make your room a perfectly chaotic backdrop - led lights, an embarrassing amount of anime merch and plushies. You always try to balance out your weeb side by dressing hot as fuck for your streams - today’s inspiration just so happens to be egirls. Mostly because you watched one too many egirl make-up tutorials on TikTok, and also because you’ve been listening to Corpse’s song all day.

Yeah, no, who are you kidding, you dressed up this way because you were hoping Corpse was watching your stream. You didn’t forget your cat headphones, either. You know he likes them. You want to make him suffer. Perhaps then, finally, he will ask you out, so you wouldn’t have to.

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“I feel like,” You start when you put away your phone, staring idly at the chat, “I feel like I need a new name for you guys. Calling you guys after two years of streaming is just... weird, no? I also don’t respect men so I don’t want to call you guys. Like, so many creator’s have, like, a name for their fans. Uhm, Cody Ko has the chodesters, Kurtis Conner has, uh, folks? Kurtis Town? Citizens! Markiplier has mommy issues--” You can’t help snorting, “So, I’ve been, like, thinking - I know, shocking! - so I was thinking I’m gonna name you cockroaches. Because you’re grimy little shits impossible to kill. And also then I can use the legendary Minaj meme ROACHES!”

Your stream enthusiastically echoes ROACHES, making the chat swim. Yes, if anyone would enjoy such a name, it would be your audience. You’re as equally proud as you are disturbed.

“Well, anyway.” Leaning back into your chair, you throw your arms out with a bright grin, “Big dick is back in town, baby! If you noticed the backdrops different, it’s cuz I’m in Brooklyn now. Don’t ask me when I will return to Always Sunny, I don’t plan that far ahead.”

While Minecraft boots up, you decide to answer a few questions.

r u dating sykkuno?

You want to smack your head into the keyboard, but as it is, you can’t exactly afford a new one, so you refrain, “No, Sykkuno and I are not dating, we are just good friends. Uhm, I’m not sure how much I’ll have to repeat this, but, we really aren’t, so if the roaches could chill - Oh my God, that sounds so stupid, I love it - uh, yeah, if the roaches could chill that’d be great.”

the roaches lmao sounds like we’re a sports team

“Oh shit, yeah it does, uh-- maybe I can make like, jerseys or something. That’d be cool, I think.”

how disappointed are your parents with the way your life turned out?

“My parents are actually not disappointed at all!” You say with a cute little smile, “Uhm, they’re both really proud, actually. They’re glad I found something I love doing and made a job outta it. Dad finds my Youtube videos endearing. Yes, they watch pretty much all of my videos, unless I explicitly tell them not to. And yeah, with all the fucks and thirsting for anime characters. Uhm, it was very embarrassing at first, but I mean, after a while, shame just...doesn’t exist anymore, I guess? Funny thing about my parents, actually, when they watch my videos-” You eye catches a comment, “Oh! No, they only watch my Youtube videos. They don’t know how to use Twitter, thank God. Uhm, anyway-- when they hear a name they don’t know, like, I dunno, Dabi, or something, they google--” You’re grinning by now, eyes crinkling, giggling softly, “--who that is, and buy me like, merch and stuff. It’s really cute. 

can i be adopted by ur parents plz

will you and corpse ever collab?!

You were about to answer, though the man of the hour himself decides to do it for you.

Corpse_Husband: yes.

Okay, not to say your heart skipped a beat, but it totally did. With a pleased smile, you nod, like one of those bobble head toys sold at the dollar store. The motion is oddly reminiscent of Sykkuno’s own nod. Perhaps you had picked it up from him. The chat seems to notice.

pack it up, sykkuno

More questions pile about this mysterious collab you and Corpse are planning. Yeah, you’d like to hear more about it, too, since he single highhandedly decided one was happening right now. Corpse remains silent. Fine, keep your secrets. 

“Okay, guys, oh, I mean, roaches, Oh my God--” You’re covering your mouth, giggling, “-calling all roaches, calling all roaches, calm down. Everyone grab a snack and a blanket I’m turning up the music volume so we can all chill. Entering chill zone. Entering chill zone. Roaches, prepare.”

we are prepared

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An hour or so passes and you grow hungry. It shows with the amount of cakes you had baked in your server. Currently, you find yourself throwing eggs at the wall of one of the renovated houses, your face scrunched in concentration and slight frustration. 24 of the 50 eggs have been wasted. “What’s a girl gotta do to get some chicks around here?” you had uttered under your breath, until, finally, a screech - the egg finally spawns a mob. Your mouth falls open, “Aww, look!” You approach it, so small, walking in zigzags beside you, “It’s a baby chicken! Die, bitch.” The baby chicken is no more as you swing your bedazzled (you have mods) diamond sword. You’re cackling by the time the dust settles.

y/n is a child murderer

“Roaches,” You address your fan-base, spurring another fit of laughter - you can’t get over the name, “I think I’m like, forgetting that eating in Minecraft won’t actually make less hungry in real life.”

take a break and go eat queen <3

“Fuck no, we starve and die like men. Now I actually really need another chicken.”

Another twenty minutes trickle by and you’re trying to lure back a panda from the jungle when there’s a knock on your bedroom’s door. Whipping your head to the side, you slide down your headphones. At the same time, your mom pokes her head through the ajar door, “MOM!” You scream, “Get OUT of my room I’m playing Minecraft!” But your yell has no actual bite to it, as you don’t manage to hide your smile. Your mom laughs, doing some sort of sign language and motioning for you to follow her with her head. That or it’s some sort of performative dance. 

“I’m live right now,” You tell her, pointing at your screen. She knows this already, though, “do you want to say hi?” 

The roaches spam the chat with friendly hellos. You mom, quite impatient now, waves you over. 

“Sorry, roaches, mom needs something. Be back in a bit!”

Stopping the stream, you rush out of your seat and pleased she slinks into the hallway. “What’s this about?”

“Your pizza came.”

“My what now?” You echo, confused.

“Domino’s. You ordered pizza?”

“What? No? I was busy with the stream, I never--”

Thankfully, you had managed to grab your phone from your room before you exited. You almost choke on spit once you read the messages.

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You decide that it’ll be impossible to stream after experiencing what you had just experienced. You tweet out a quick apology to the roaches (God, that fucking name) and say that you had a breakdown but you’re okay. That is as a close to the truth as you managed to muster. It’s a sad sight, chewing and crying; your mom winced when she saw your state - disheveled hair and rundown eyeliner and everything. “D’aww,” She had muttered, caressing the top of your head, “don’t cry my little raccoon.”

If anyone was ever to ask you where did your chaotic nature come from, you’d answer with my mom. To make yourself feel better, you took a selfie - duck face and peace sign and the horrible 2000′s angle. Sent it to Rae. 

looking hot, her message read. 

thanks, was all you replied with.

You couldn’t just leave things as they were. Once you calmed down, you wanted to text Corpse, but how would you follow up the ungodly caps lock and screeching? Impossible. An idea sprung to mind, one that was brave. Taking the first step.

Instead of sending a text, you sent a voice memo.

“Thank you for the pizza, it was delicious.”

You voice still sounded a bit raspy. His reply was instant. Your heart skipped a beat. He sent a voice memo back.

“Glad you liked it, baby.”

He was going to be the death of you.

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tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @slashersdream - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai - @truly-dionysus - @multi-fandom-central707

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

#corpse husband #corpse #corpse husband x reader #corpse x reader #corpse husband imagine #corpse social media au #corpse husband fanfic #social media au #corpse husband x y/n #corpse x y/n #corpse husband fic #reader #xreader #imagine #imagines #myso #make you say oh

[shima-draws]

THIS IS SEVERAL DAYS (WEEKS?) LATE BUT I LOVE YOU ALL thanks for enabling me

-The AU begins with a casual city patrol. Izuku, Todoroki, Uraraka and Ojiro are teamed up. Things are seemingly normal until they accidentally bump into Shigaraki and Kurogiri—a completely unplanned encounter. Despite Kurogiri’s warnings, Shigaraki charges into battle against the students. Kurogiri jumps in to back him up by using his warps

-There’s a close call where Izuku’s about to get the jump on Shiggy—but Kurogiri manages to open a warp right before Izuku can reach him. This is where things get...funky.

-Izuku activates One For All as he disappears into the warp. Kurogiri opens a gate somewhere nearby. Todoroki and the others wait for Izuku to reappear...but he doesn’t.

-Todoroki, Uraraka and Ojiro gang up on Kurogiri and demand their friend back. Kurogiri doesn’t know what to do, this has never happened before, and he doesn’t know how to bring Izuku back. Apparently his warp malfunctioned, and Izuku seemed to get lost between dimensions.

-Finally, several minutes later, Izuku reappears. In the ensuing chaos Kurogiri and Shigaraki make their escape. Izuku is weak and shaking from the distorted warp, so Todoroki calls Aizawa and takes him back to campus.

-Izuku explains that it felt like he was falling, and almost like his entire body was trying to rip itself apart molecule by molecule—but then he fell back into the warp and came out on the other side like he was supposed to. Recovery Girl checks on him and just says that he’s in shock, no other injuries besides that. Izuku tries telling her about the strange feeling of pain he had, but she just says it might be a side effect of Kurogiri’s quirk, and that it might be some sort of delayed reaction. Izuku accepts that and things go back to normal

Rest is under the cut because she is looooooong lmao

-Except they don’t. Izuku starts to have strange dreams about somebody calling out to him. They leave him feeling unsettled and shaky in the mornings, almost like how he felt right after the warp. The dreams don’t go away—they keep coming back almost every night, and while they seem to get clearer, he still can’t figure out what they mean.

-Things start to get worse when the dreams transition over into the waking world, and Izuku starts to see flashes of someone with white hair and sad eyes in the corners of his vision. He easily gets distracted during training, and can’t seem to shake the worried feeling he has about this being important. 

-It all comes to a head when Izuku suddenly finds himself in that weird place between dimensions during a training drill. He’s only there for a few seconds, but he’s finally able to catch a glimpse of what that world is like, because the last time he was there he was falling and spiraling and was too panicked to pay attention to his surroundings. After he snaps back to himself, he wonders if it was just in his head, but when it happens again and his friends have to shake him out of it, he realizes that his mind keeps transporting to that world...it seems like his place in reality is faltering.

-The “visions” slowly continue to get longer and longer each time, with Izuku slipping into that world more often. It’s getting harder to hide it from his classmates and teachers, and finally, there’s a time where it happens and Izuku is unresponsive for over 15 minutes. The person with the white hair keeps showing up, and Izuku is desperate to find out who they are

-During another training session, Izuku feels the lapse coming on, and decides to hide away for a bit to let it pass. Except this time he doesn’t just slip into the nether dimension with just his mind—this time his whole body transports there...and he finally figures out the truth.

-Izuku searches through the new world. Everything is distorted and gravity is all topsy turvy, and when he finally catches sight of the person reaching out to him in his dreams, he follows them. At long last he discovers just who has been communicating with him...and it’s himself!!

-The mystery ghost is finally revealed: an older Izuku, from another timeline. He explains to Izuku that the place they’re in now is a world between time and space that acts as a stabilizer and general overseer of other timelines and worlds. He refers to it as the Beyond, or by its more technical name, the nexus. Apparently the other Izuku has been here for a long time, keeping watch over all of his alternate selves and keeping the timelines in balance.

-Izuku questions just why he was brought there, and his alternate self tells him that when he activated One For All in Kurogiri’s warp, it ripped open a hole in space and he was able to make a connection to the Beyond, primarily because of his alternate self’s already existing presence there. That connection is unfortunately unstable so it kept pulling Izuku back in over time. The other Izuku has been trying to fix that connection but wasn’t able to do so without full contact, which is why he’d been reaching out to Izuku in his dreams.

-To make things easier, the other Izuku asks to be called Nexus. Izuku peppers him with questions, but Nexus is reluctant to answer. He decides to send Izuku back while he researches about his connection there to try and fix it—and then he makes Izuku swear that he won’t tell anybody about their interaction, mostly because outsiders shouldn’t be aware of the Beyond’s existence in the first place.

-Izuku arrives back in his world and realizes that several hours have passed since he vanished into the Beyond. His classmates and teachers swarm him when he returns, saying that they were about to send out pros to go find him. Toshinori questions Izuku about what’s been going on with him lately, but due to the promise he made Izuku can’t answer.

-As the days pass, Izuku continuously visits Nexus (mostly because he has no choice in the matter, being dragged there by the distortion lol) and tries to pry more answers out of him. Nexus is shockingly tight lipped and Izuku knows that something bad must have happened in his timeline for him to be here. Being older isn’t the only factor tying into Nexus’ general quiet demeanor and more serious attitude. Meanwhile, Toshinori and the Dekusquad are hurt by Izuku’s silence on what’s going on with him, and Izuku has an internal struggle over what matters more: the promise he made, or the trust of his friends and family. It’s a rough time.

-Izuku breaks down and Nexus realizes that maybe it’s time he starts being more forthcoming—he knows what the burden of secrets does to Izuku, being Izuku himself. Nexus finally reveals that his timeline had been completely wiped from existence centuries ago, due to an epic, climactic battle with AFO who was attempting to figure out how to access the Beyond and gain control over it in order to rule over all possible timelines. Apparently there was a backlash when AFO tried to access the Beyond and it caused the timeline to be erased. Izuku is absolutely horrified by the truth, realizing that billions of people existing in that timeline are just...gone now. Including everyone he loves. 

-Izuku asks if AFO is gone too. Nexus looks haunted by that, but says he’s sure that he’s gone for good...leaving himself as the only proof that his world even existed at all. After Izuku leaves, Nexus decides to do a bit of digging, just to make sure that the AFO from his world truly is dead. And what he finds is not comforting.

-Apparently, after the timeline had been wiped from existence, Nexus wasn’t the only one who was tossed out before it happened. He discovers that AFO is still around, and that he’s been skulking between timelines, gathering new quirks and more power. Terrified, Nexus summons Izuku and tells him of his findings, and says that if AFO were to come after him in the Beyond, or any of them from any timeline, there’s no way they would survive the battle.

-Izuku convinces Nexus to come to his timeline to explain everything, because clearly this is no longer a one man job and something Nexus can’t handle by himself. The issue with that is that the Beyond has a strict no interference policy, at least on the basis of entering the timelines and tampering with them, so Nexus has been stuck there for centuries because he’s literally not allowed to go timeline hopping lol

-However, since Izuku was able to make a connection there and can travel between the two worlds freely (for the most part…) he’s able to utilize that connection to allow Nexus to enter his dimension. Nexus sees the sky for the first time in hundreds of years and is shaken into complete silence.

-The rest of the Dekusquad happen to be there when Izuku arrives with his alternate self and immediately bombard him with questions, but Izuku tells them the first thing they need to do is go see All Might and the other teachers to explain what’s going on.

-Upon seeing All Might again for the first time in centuries, Nexus bursts into tears (and this is a MONUMENTAL moment because Izuku hasn’t seen him cry once since meeting him, even when he told him that everyone he loved no longer exists). There’s a lot of fluffy family bonding and it’s very soft. Toshi holds onto both his boys and cries and I’M EMO LISTEN

-Nexus prepares to tell all the staff what’s going on, but first he reveals to Izuku that he didn’t...exactly tell him everything about what happened to his timeline. A quirk user is brought in who can read memories and project them on a movie screen, and the teachers and Izuku watch in horrified silence as they experience the last night of terror and heartbreak Nexus went through before his timeline was erased forever.

-The memories play back. Izuku is awoken in the middle of the night to find that the entire city is burning. The screams and pleas for help echo all around, and he finds that he can’t get into contact with any of his friends. Racing outside, Izuku looks up to see AFO silhouetted against the red sky, floating among the ashes and smoke. As Izuku hurries to catch up to him, he witnesses the sheer horror of a mass body count and hundreds dead along the way, including lots of minor and pro heroes that he knows.

-Izuku finally reaches AFO and immediately leaps into the fight. He doesn’t stand a chance. AFO has gathered too many quirks, and explains his plan to escape this dimension and gain access to the Beyond in order to spread his control further. Izuku is joined by his friends, but does not get to enjoy their help for long, because each of them are struck down, one by one. Fueled by rage and grief, Izuku ramps up OFA all the way and completely lets loose, chipping away at AFO while he cries over the deaths of his friends. Yeah this is gruesome and dark as shit and I’m not sorry

-AFO is about to get one final attack in—but Bakugou arrives at the last second and takes the blow for him. Bakugou dies in Izuku’s arms and that’s the last straw—OFA goes out of control right as AFO is preparing to open a warp to the Beyond, and the power spark causes a backlash that distorts everything, making the world glitch out.

-When Izuku wakes up, he finds himself in the Beyond with the blood of his friends on his hands. Information starts flooding into his brain about the Beyond and all of the timelines it’s tied to, and Izuku realizes what has happened. His home is gone...his friends, his family, the entire world...all wiped from existence. Now he is the only one left, tasked with taking care of the Beyond and mourning his losses for the rest of eternity.

-Needless to say, everyone watching the memories play are extremely emotional, and Izuku (our Izuku) is overcome with so much grief for his alternate self that they end up in an embrace, sharing a feeling that only they know between each other.

-Nezu and the other teachers agree to help Nexus defeat AFO once and for all. Nexus tells them that bringing in Class 1-A would be smart as well, and that he won’t make the same mistake twice and let them die. They decide to battle it out in the Beyond, it being the safest place to go wild without any risk of casualties or property destruction. And so!! Izuku introduces Nexus to the rest of the class, they all take a trip to the Beyond together, and so begins their grand training arc.

-Nexus preps each member of Class 1-A individually and on teams. They take turns going up against him and all get their asses thoroughly handed to them :) Nexus is hella strong and has had centuries to practice. He teaches them how to use the terrain of the Beyond, how to deal with the gravity and use it to their advantage. He tells them how to look for AFO’s tells and quirks so they can deal with his multipurpose battle style. Overall it’s a very fun yet stressful time with lots of bonding, sleepovers in the Beyond, and everybody getting a huge ass crush on Nexus because 1. He pretty, 2. He stronk, 3. He’s literally an eldritch being at this point, and 4. It’s Izuku. How can they not.

-There’s a time where Nexus takes Izuku to a special corner of the Beyond, and Izuku sees it’s covered for miles and miles and miles with gravestones. Izuku realizes that Nexus had spent years crafting as many as he could for all of the people that were erased from his timeline, even those he didn’t know, and at this point he’s lost count with how many there are. There’s a separated section with all of his family members and friends, and each of the stones are carved with special memorials. The rest of the class shows up and gets to look at their own gravestones and it’s fucked up as shit!! It’s very emotional and then everybody smothers Nexus with hugs and hgnhhhgh 🥺

Obviously there’s a lot that happens after this and the whole battle and everything but like. I don’t have all that planned out yet. But this is the general idea for the most part!! I’ve had a lot of fun brainstorming for this AU, I would do anything for Nexus period, and I’m super excited to start making content for it >:D

THANK YOU FOR READING and thanks for letting me infodump oh my god this is so long

#BNHA #Boku no Hero Academia #My Hero Academia #MHA #BNHA AU #Distortion Link AU #Midoriya Izuku #Deku #Dekubowl #Tododeku #Bakudeku #All Might #Dad Might #Toshinori Yagi #Nexus #Shima's AUs #Shima answers questions #Long post #Friends