#but as soon as I make a new account i remember how much Bullshit exists online

[imomomi]

Meeting the MSBY Black Jackals

AN: This is a repost of an old story I wrote as requested by @ericaelind​. Also, this story actually inspired FIO, so it’s super sweet someone remembered it. 🥺🥺🥺

         Y/N leaned against the wall outside the locker rooms, pulling her phone out to flick through Instagram. She wasn’t one to post much on her public account, but her private one was filled with photos dating back to high-school. Huffing lightly in amusement at a video of a baby babbling gibberish to his father, she jumped at the sudden onset of noise coming out of the locker room. A blonde popped up beside her, resting one arm on the wall as he leaned over her. Miya Atsumu. The bane of Kiyoomi’s existence, but secretly his favorite teammate.

          “Who are ya?” he asked.

          “L/N Y/N,” she answered. When he didn’t say anything, she looked back down at her phone, sending a quick message to her mother. Atsumu lingered, looking at her curiously. Shooting him a look—what did he want—she sighed loudly.

          “Look, fangirls aren’t really allowed around the locker-room. Just head down the hall. If security sees ya, you’ll be in trouble.”

          “There’s a bit of a misunderstanding, Miya-san.”

          “Seriously sweetheart, beat it,” he said, smiling broadly. Y/N could feel her annoyance grow. Kiyoomi was lingering on purpose—was he really going to let her deal with this on her own. Normally, he’d take a few minutes to change, but he had already been gone 15 minuets.

          “I’m not here for you.”

          “That’s nice but you still don’t have the right to hang ‘round our locker room. Think about how uncomfortable the other boys will be.”  His mocking grin had her flushing at the implication.

          “Yoomi told me to wait here. He said he would only be a minuet,” shuffling slightly to get away from his towering form, she bowed lowly, “I apologize if I cause any discomfort.”

          “Yoomi? Who the hell is that?”

          “Sakusa Kiyoomi?”

          “Omi-omi told ya to wait here? What drugs are you on?”

          “I wish I knew,” she muttered to herself. Another person appeared over his shoulder and Y/N shifted farther away. Perhaps, this was a bad idea, she thought. Staring up at Bokuto Koutarou’s grinning face, she decided it was probably for the best that she didn’t know any of Kiyoomi’s teammates. There were only two of them so far and the air around her already felt chaotic.

          “Who’s this?” Bokuto asked, eagerly.

          “Some fangirl. Said Omi-omi told her to wait here.”

          “A fan!” Bokuto shouted, shoving Atsumu out of the way, “Do you wanna a picture? Though, you know you’re not supposed to sneak around here.”

          “Umm, I really think that there’s a mis-“

          “Who is that?” Hinata asked. Y/N ‘s face was an impossible shade of red at this point as she was jostled by Bokuto into a photo she didn’t even want. Hinata bounded up to her excitedly, ignoring Atsumu’s warnings that they should call security and pulled out a marker asking if she wanted an autograph. She didn’t even know what he would sign. She was dressed in all black, nothing but her phone and car keys in her pocket.

          Hinata reached for her hand, pen hovering over her skin before he shrugged and signed his name.

          “This is my first game you know,” Hinata said bouncing on his heels, “I didn’t think we’d be meeting fans already.”

          “I’m not a fan,” she muttered. The stark kanji of his name smeared across her skin. She rubbed at it, shuddering as it remained without a smudge on her hand. A hand grabbed hers, turning it over to inspect the new mark. Kiyoomi.

          “You really are all idiots,” he hissed, turning to glower at his teammates. “Can’t keep your hands to yourself at all, can you?”

          “It’ll wash out,” she said, softly. He eyed the kanji with a heavy glare as if it personally offended him. Knowing Kiyoomi, some aspect of it probably did. That or he wished it had been him to sign his name instead.

          “With bleach, maybe,” he mused. She tugged her hand from his grip, reaching over to a frozen Hinata and snatching the marker from his hand. She scribbled over the mark, crossing out Hinata’s name with a grimace.

          “Don’t you have alcohol wipes or something?”

          “In my locker,” he answered.

          “Go get them.”

          “I was serious about the bleach. You’re already contaminated. I can’t have you coming home like this.”

          “I swear to god, Kiyoomi, I’ll sneeze on you,” she jeered.

          “What the hell is going on?” Atsumu asked, looking between them in near horror. Y/N scowled, crossing her arms over her chest. Maybe she wasn’t making the best first impression, but she had already been accused of being a fangirl, harassed into a picture, and forcibly given an autograph she didn’t even want. No wonder Kiyoomi had been hesitant to introduce her to his new teammates. In college, they’d known each for years before they actually got together and she’d known the players on his team when they had been just friends.

          “Nothing, I’m going to the bathroom to wash this off. Good luck with the game.”

          “She’s my fiancée,” Kiyoomi said, blocking her path of escape. “She wanted to meet you all, but she was overseas for business and then Hinata came, so the timing was never right.”

          There’s a collective choking from his teammates that are gathered in the hallway. She could feel the amusement radiating from Kiyoomi. Most likely he had kept it hidden just to enjoy this moment. His sense of humor often involved sharp wit and upending people’s expectations. This mess served him perfectly, a carefully guarded fact about his life, his unwitting fiancée making it worse, and the general stupidity of his teammates. There was a desperate need to laugh bubbling up in his chest.

          “Bullshit,” Atsumu called out.

          “Woah, Omi-san, she’s really pretty,” Hinata gushed over Atsumu’s disbelief. Y/N flushed under the sudden attention thrown her way, waving awkwardly at Hinata and Bokuto.

          “Nice to meet you, Bokuto-san, Hinata-san,” she muttered, bowing shallowly.

          “Bullshit, ya must’ve hired her or something,” Atsumu cut in, pointing an accusing finger in her direction. There wasn’t any real heat behind the words.

          “Gross,” she and Kiyoomi said in unison, cringing at the idea. Y/N raised her left hand, holding it out so Atsumu could inspect the diamond ring. Atsumu jerked her hand forward, inspecting it with a level of detail she didn’t think he was capable of. He shot Kiyoomi and impressed look. Y/N didn’t have the heart to tell him that the ring was her grandmother’s. The first time Kiyoomi had proposed she said no—not because she didn’t want to marry him, but the question was asked so suddenly, she though that he was joking. His proposal had been delivered with a straight face in the midst of them watching some American crime drama.

          “Couldn’t wait until after the game to spring this on us?”

          “Don’t think too hard, Miya,” Kiyoomi said.

          “You’ve been hiding a secret girlfriend for the last two months,” Atsumu said.

          “In his defense, it’s not really a secret. Everyone in college knew we were together,” Y/N interjected. If they looked through Kiyoomi’s social media pages, she was somewhere there in the background of his photos caught doing something stupid or just generally ugly. According to Kiyoomi those were the best kinds of photos.

          “I didn’t even go to college,” Atsumu protested.

          “I can tell,” Y/N said. Kiyoomi snorted behind her, turning the sound into a cough as soon as everyone turned to look at him.

          “Wait, Omi-kun is getting married. We’re going to the wedding, right?” Bokuto shouted, bouncing on his heels.

         “I wanna be Best Man,” Hinata said, matching the excitement. Hinata was the newest addition to the Black Jackals. Fresh off the plane from a two-year stint as a beach volleyball player in Brasil, he’d impressed everyone at tryouts. From what Kiyoomi had said, he was a beast on the court.

         “No. I don’t even know you,” Kiyoomi shot down immediately. “I met you a month ago.”

         “I’m the obvious choice,” Atsumu muttered, eyes still narrowed in her direction, “He’s known me longest.”

         “I don’t think beating you at nationals in high school counts,” Y/N said, laughing lightly.

         “I guess, I should say sorry to ya,” he muttered, “Didn’t know that Omi-omi had a girl at home. I’ve been messing with him since he joined the team.”

         “I’ve been messing with him since I met him, so I’m sure he likes you better than me at this point.”

         “I hate both of you,” Kiyoomi muttered, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.  His chin rested on top of her head. The weight of him was a familiar and pleasant sensation. Today was the first game of the season. Kiyoomi had spent the last two days watching videos of his opponents, trying to figure out their playing styles and ticks. He was nervous, she could feel it in the slight tremor to his body, but the hug told her something else too. Normally, Kiyoomi shied away from public affection. Crowds made him anxious, interviews were something he avoided, and he was laughingly awkward when it came to interacting with fans. The fact that he felt comfortable enough around his teammates to show the softer side of himself, that craved touch as any person did, filled her with warmth.

         Seeing his teammates teasing him loosened the knot of worry she normally carried with her. They’d take care of him when she couldn’t.

#kiyoomi sakusa x reader #sakusa #sakusa kiyoomi #haikyuu x reader #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa x you #haikyuu reader

[mickstart]

what do you think are some iconic/memorable schumi moments? i just got into f1 and would like to know more about him bc somehow i can’t really find anything like that about him.... just stats which are incredibly impressive but i can’t find anything about how he behaved or just anything about his personality..... thanks <3

:) Hi anon, thank you for unleashing the beast.

Ok I love you for asking me this thank you SO MUCH. Welcome to the circus I’m glad you’re here! Also yeah, Schumi is often talked about in terms of statistics and not as a human, Which is a shame bc like! Schumi is fascinating and the dynamics on the grid in late 90s F1 is so much fun! Also, this is mainly going to be late 90s -> early 2010s stuff bc I was born in 98 so uhhh I didn’t properly witness ANY 90s stuff and had to learn about it.

OK so I got super carried away but I’ve divided this into 3 sections: Drives/races that I think showcase some of his talents, human moments we need to talk about more, and Chaotic Little Bitch moments. The key thing to remember w/ Schumi is that he personally tends to be nice but as soon as you put him in a competition, Bastard Mode activates like a cat’s pupils going wide.

I am so sorry for the following short essay. Also some crashes are briefly mentioned but only ones with absolutely no injuries and there’s no details.

Chaotic Little Bitch Moments

Schumi debuted as a SUBSTITUTE driver for Jordan when one of their drivers was in police custody (yes. really.) The highest a Jordan had qualified all year was 10th and in his DEBUT at SPA, one of the toughest tracks, in the middle of the season, Schumi qualified that Jordan 7th! THEN his clutch failed before the first lap was even complete, but Benetton and Jordan WENT TO COURT to fight each other to sign him for their team before the next race in Monza. He couldn’t debut normally he HAD to cause a scene and set the tone.

The Red Strings of Fate: He qualified 7th, his iconic 7 starred helmet, his first victory next year was ALSO at Spa - his first complete race would be at Monza, Ferrari Holy Ground, and he finished 5th which 👀 1) he was immediately racing with The Greats. 2) Mr 5 Championships With Ferrari.

Winning a race by taking a stop and go penalty on the last lap, crossing the finish line in the pits, and making such a complicated argument about said penalty that in a hearing that was SUPPOSED to be Mclaren protesting the race result the stewards scrapped the entire penalty and the 3 who awarded it handed in their licenses??? Iconic.

Austria 2002 where Rubens was ordered to give the win to Michael. And then Michael fucking made him stand on the top step on the podium like “oh no no no RUBENS deserves this” and made a big SHOW out of it and its like “Michael stop you’re not making it heartwarming you’re making it WORSE Michael STOP” The Tension of germany 2010 podium VS the theatricality of THIS podium.

Team orders were banned because of this which also makes this indirectly responsible for Fernando Is Faster Than You having to be a coded message. You can’t escape him,

Blocking Alonso in Monaco qualifying and then, years later in 2010, overtaking Alonso technically illegally at Monaco (the race was ending under safety car, but the safety car doesn’t lead them over the line it pits and they’d crossed the safety car line and the regulations were NOT specific about the rules) and getting a 20 second penalty bc Damon Hill was a steward. Haunting FERNANDO specifically at Monaco like the ghost of christmas past? Getting a harsh penalty because ANOTHER driver he’d fucked over was a steward? Forcing the FIA to rewrite the rulebook to account for his nonsense when he was in his FOURTIES? I don’t know another chaos king.

Winning the 1995 championship by crashing into Damon Hill, getting AWAY with it for some reason, and then trying to do the same thing in 1997 to Villeneuve, failing to do so and simply rebounding off of him harmlessly, almost COMICALLY, and beaching his own car in a gravel trap at which point the FIA said “I have had ENOUGH of you Wacky Races Man!” and disqualified him from the entire championship

Forcing Mika off the track so bad at Spa 2000 that Mika realized the only way he was gonna be able to get past him was to re-invent the overtake and go for it whilst they were passing a backmarker. (The overtake itself is at 2:05 in the video but the build up to it is Important bc the key part it’s not just badass, it only happened bc Mika knew who he was dealing with.)

Spa 1998 was a Ridiculously Chaotic race it truly was the Mugello 2020 of its year, and after a crash at the start that took out almost the entire grid Schumi accidentally collided with Coulthard later in the race. (The teams used to have a spare car at every race then, so the race was able to continue after a restart.) This wasn’t a racing thing, Coulthard was getting lapped. So something in Schumi SNAPS, and he storms down the pitlane and tries to fight Coulthard while the mclaren and ferrari mechanics both hold him back and finally drag him away. He projected into the future, saw Coulthard was gonna talk non-stop shit about Seb, and acted accordingly.

Monaco 2012 Pole don’t talk to me about this I still can’t believe the audacity of this man to get the only pole of his comeback, at MONACO, at the ONE RACE where he had a 5 place grid penalty to take!!

In general, I know Cheating Bad but. I HAVE to admire the brainpower it must take to have the rulebook so memorized that whilst driving an F1 car Schumi could spot a loophole the size of the eye of a needle and then dance through it, forcing the FIA to add ANOTHER page to the rule book specially for him bc nobody else even REALISED that loophole existed.

Human Moments

A quick rant about Mika and Schumi’s entire friendship. After Spa 2000 Mika goes up to Michael, says something like “Don’t ever do that again” then they’re friends again. They had this mutual understanding that Racing was not Reality. This goes all the way back to their F3 days they were rivals AND friends for their entire career. They truly were the Sewis of the era if Sebastian was like 50% more evil. Their entire dynamic is “You’re the only motherfucker in this pit lane who can handle me”. Schumi would do some bullshit and every other driver would throw up their hands in frustration and Mika would just go “Okay” and drive better to put him in his place bc he was the only one who could keep up, and Schumi very visibly LOVED that he’s grinning after Mika owns his entire ass with that overtake at Spa. They were unstoppable force meets immovable object and I’m so sad their rivalry isn’t more talked about bc the way Mika is the only driver who can get him to behave like a normal human being is SO entertaining.

This is a sad one so I won’t link it but he started crying in the 2000 Monza press-conference with his brother and Mika when he equaled one of Senna’s records. The press kept trying to ask questions about it and Mika just has this death grip on his shoulder and tries to get them to stop or let them take a break and it’s so sad but also important to know about.

Once said he didn’t want Mick to race in F1 bc the pressure of his name would put Mick under so much stress and he wanted his son to be happy. (He fully supported Mick in his endeavors! But only after making absolutely sure it was what Mick wanted, and making sure he knew he could just race for fun if he wanted and it didn’t have to be F1)

This whole interview just after Mick was born with the Schumacher family. Special shout out to Gina on his head the entire video and also Corinna talking to the press while Michael is captivated by Mick. Me too Michael.

Once allegedly pleaded to take a stray kitten home from the track?

I reblogged this yesterday but. Sticking like glue to Sebastian at an F1 test and immediately being like “This is my new son he’s gonna go far”. There’s a lot of pictures out there also of Michael being a guest at the karting races Seb went to as a kid and baby Seb visibly losing his fucking mind at being given a trophy by his idol. Every day of my life I think about him trying to ruffle Seb’s hair through his helmet at Brazil 2012

WInning the championship in 2000. Him thanking the entire team individually and pausing mid-celebration to kiss his wife Corinna so tenderly it’s in the F1 opening. Also, the way it literally cuts from the rest of McLaren looking like they’re attending a funeral to Mika grinning at him and hugging him fucking SENDSSSSS me.

Schumi was a little shit in all the 2010-12 press conferences like, lowering Lewis’ chair, playing with a microphone wire, but ESPECIALLY corrupting baby Seb and getting him to mess with Nico Rosberg.

He’s just GOOFY! Like I refuse to let him be remembered as a terrifying force of nature he was so goofy kind of similarly to Seb. PLEASE watch this incredibly awkward interview he did with Coulthard on a golf buggy where they both had to pretend they hadn’t thought about murdering each other at least once. I think Sky F1 should force Brocedes to do this when covid’s over. “Do you mind if I drive?” “Yes.”

EDIT: I CANNOT BELIEVE I forgot the 1999 Canada press conference where Eddie Irvine and Mika Hakkinen get into a water fight and Schumi immediately grabs a towel and hides behind it and is like “I had NOTHING to do with it” 🥺 adorable, actually

A lot of people at Ferrari, including Rob Smedley (who was on the other side of the garage with Felipe Massa so not in his inner circle) have said that a lot of the success of the team came from Schumi’s LEADERSHIP more than anything, that he’d make the team get together to bond all the time. When Schumi moved to Ferrari in 1996 they were NOT dominant. He did the same thing Lewis did - went to a team that everybody said would be a huge mistake and helped build them up behind the scenes.

THIS bit of the Canada 2011 Rewind where his engineer gives him the strategy and he’s like “... OkaAaAaAay?” and then when it turns out to be the wrong strategy he cheerfully tells them it’s too late. Little shit.

Speaking of Mercedes I also wanna say that like. They were a MESS in 2012 and his car DNF’d because of a failing on their part MULTIPLE times. (In Canada qualifying his DRS was stuck open and they couldn’t close it.) He did not say a single bad word about them EVER even though the press used this to attack him non-stop as washed-up and bad without Ferrari to cheat for him. At Ferrari he was the exact same with the team, any bastard antics Schumi had for his rivals did not extend to the engineers and crew.

OK this one is soured bc Top Gear is trash BUT if you were like, a kid in England who followed motorsports? Schumi’s fake reveal as The Stig on Top Gear was like the coolest, sickest thing,

Please view this image of Schumi and Mika when they were young and stupid

Iconic Races

ok so I have limited myself to a few races that show off some of his key strengths!

Hungary 1998 / France 2004 - STRATEGY/SPEED - Schumi switched to a 3 stop strategy in 98 and a FOUR STOP strategy in 04 and won both races. In order for the strategy call to work he’d have to basically make every single lap a qualifying style ‘flying lap’ and you best fucking believe he DID THAT. God I fucking miss when Ferrari was the king of strategy.

Argentina 1998 -  has it all. Talent, battling Mika, pit lane mind games with mclaren, and bullying coulthard xxx

Spain 1996 / a majority of the wet races - RAIN - One of Schumi’s nicknames was Rain Master bc he was so fucking good in the wet. If it started raining and you were a Schumi stan you were cackling evilly before the red lights even went out. I single out 1996 bc it was his first win for Ferrari and it was unexpected but in most wet races, even Canada 2011 post comeback, you can see Schumi thriving.

Malaysia 1999 - Schumi missed pretty much the entire second half of the season with a broken leg, came back for the last 2 races with everybody murmuring about whether he would struggle, and immediately put the Ferrari on pole. Also worth noting is that he was the number 2 driver for these 2 races bc his teammate Irvine was fighting Mika for the championship and he went along with that without complaint, allowing Ferrari to win the constructor’s championship if not the driver’s.

Monza 2002, 03, 04, or 06 just because it has the energy of the tifosi kneeling at the feet of an idol to their red god.

Brazil 2006 - Fuck All Y’all - Schumi’s last race for Ferrari. He got a puncture and ended up almost lapped, and then drove his way back from that to 4th bc he couldn’t go out without reminding us he’s a bad bitch.

Monza 2012 - Defending - Don’t tell F1 Twitter that there’s actual footage of Lewis and Michael having a genuine lengthy battle on track but DO watch Michael defending like a motherfucker and Lewis breathing down his neck for half the race we need to talk about this more.

Valencia 2012 - This isn’t necessarily anything special but I cried in my living room over the only podium of his comeback so it goes on here. It doesn’t have the same impact if you haven’t been watching him struggle with the car for years, DNF-ing from car failure most of 2012, and having BBC F1 telling you he’s washed up every single weekend, but you can just enjoy one of the best drives of FERNANDO’S entire career as he DRAGS that Ferrari by its hair to a home grand prix win and then watch the crowds embrace him like jesus and also Schumi being happy on the podium. Also, the very start of this clip from the press conference: him forgetting what language he’s supposed to be speaking 

Basically, Schumi was a hyper-competitive ambitious bitch who turned into a goofball as soon as he switched the engine off. This is by NO MEANS everything if I was making an exhaustive best races guide I’d do more research and another post but I hope this is what you were looking for?? THANK YOU SO MUCH for letting me go MAXIMUM SPECIAL INTEREST and I apologize.

#asks #Schumi #Mika #Alonso #long post #god I'm so fucking sorry #Anonymous #This is not comprehensive bc I didn't want to accidentally turn this into a whole research project especially if you're new to it!

[brokutosan]

Title. Quarantine Tales Or alternatively; Bokuto Tries Baking and Nearly Poisons His Two Roommates/Best Friends

Pairing. Bokuto Koutarou x Platonic!Reader x Kuroo Tetsurou + Minor BokuAka and Kuroo Tetsurou x Fem!Reader

Summary. In which a pandemic hits the world and tests the ten year long friendship between three roommates. Or; Kuroo enters quarantine as a cheeky bastard, and walks out of it as a cheeky bastard with a really pretty girlfriend.

Warnings. Manga spoilers, very strong language, and lots of sexual innuendos. Also lots of platonic cuddling and skinship. It gets kind of steamy at the end but nothing too bad. This is basically just a collection of short stories that also kind of has a plot. Fair warning: excessive use of the words ‘bro,’ ‘dude,’ and ‘man.’

Once the news of the pandemic hit Japan, the three roommates were confident they’d come out as better individuals. Maybe pick up on a new hobby, drop a few pounds (or in Bokuto’s case, gain some muscles), and just have a good time, making the best out of the worst situation. They were good at that.

At first, however, the three friends each had a different response to the news. Bokuto decided to splurge and buy everything they need and then some they didn’t (he was making bank from being a pro athlete). He was convinced that the apocalypse was going to happen soon, and that they’ll need all the rations they could get before it’s too late. Kuroo decides to confiscate his Netflix account and told him to stop watching The Walking Dead.

During the first few days Y/N easily got swept up in Bokuto’s bullshit, also convinced that the apocalypse was coming. (“Kuroo, look! The cases doubled over the last few days! Tell me that doesn’t mean something!”) But she was easier to snap out of it, mostly because she’s not as childish as Bokuto. She did, however, buy all of her favorite snacks and put them in a secret stash. (Although Kuroo figured out where it was within three days).

Kuroo is the mediator between them. He’s a man of science, so “no, Bokuto, there’s no way the infected ones are turning into zombies, now stop crying!” He also took the liberty to create schedules and laid out some ground rules on when and how they should shop for groceries and things of that sort. He also made the rule that no one joins their Zoom meetings in the living room after Bokuto walked in on his screen ass naked.

All in all, they (Kuroo) were able to set up a system that ensured Bokuto doesn’t lose his mind out of boredom and Y/N doesn’t try to kill them in their sleep.

-

“If aliens take over the planet do you think I could become their overlord?”

“Doubt it. You need to have the brains for it.”

“Hey! I’m pretty smart!”

“Explain the process of osmosis.”

“Fuck you, Kuroo.”

Y/N listens in on the idiotic conversation between her two roommates, not daring to speak up in fear of losing her much needed brain cells.

“Y/N! Listen to this, Kuroo doesn’t think I’m smart enough to become an alien overlord!” Bokuto sits up from his spot on their living room floor, one elbow propped up to support his body. Y/N sighs, closing her book realizing there’s no way she’ll get the peace she needed.

“Kuroo doesn’t know what he’s talking about, Bo.” It’s only been one week since the mandated quarantine started. If Y/N gives in now, then she’ll only spiral into madness as the months go by.

“Hear that, you bastard?! Y/N-chan believes in me!” Kuroo looks unamused. There’s a shit eating grin on his face that Y/N wants to wipe off. Or punch off. Whichever happens first.

“Y’know what they say, owls of a feather stick together.” Kuroo’s probably referring to the fact that both Y/N and Bokuto attended Fukurodani. Either way, he’s insulting her. Y/N is seething.

“Shut up you cocky cat!” Y/N screeches, flinging her book to his relaxed figure on the floor. Kuroo lets out a groan as the hardcover book makes contact with his groin. “Shit, there goes my future generations.”

Bokuto emphasizes with his bro, placing a protective hand over his ‘lil man.’

-

During the third week of quarantine, Kuroo comes down with a cold. Or maybe he got the virus. That’s what Bokuto and Y/N are currently trying to figure out.

“Kuroo, man, I searched up your symptoms here and it says you have network connectivity problems. What does that mean?” Bokuto grumbles, aggressively tapping the laptop screen. Y/N scowls at the way he’s manhandling her laptop before snatching it away from his hold.

“That’s not what that means, dumbass.” Bokuto pouts. “It means someone fucking forgot to pay for the wifi for this month.”

Y/N is glaring at her bedridden roommate through her face mask, but the rooster head throws his hands up out of innocence. “Sorry, I was too busy trying not to die!”

“So what now?” Bokuto asks, trying to cut through the tension between his two roommates. Y/N sighs in response, shutting off her laptop. “Now we just have to wait for him to sleep it off. If he has the virus then we burn his room with him in it.”

“Hey!” Kuroo tries to object. Instead what comes out is a garbled noise followed by excessive coughing and Bokuto screeching something about the ‘zombie virus infecting his home,’ and then he bolted out of Kuroo’s room.

“Whatever,” Y/N sighs, knowing Bokuto would have been useless in this situation anyways, “just try to rest. I’ll come in to check on you every now and then to bring you food. You better eat it!”

“Aw, Y/N-chan, you really care about me, huh?” Kuroo fake gushes, pressing one hand on his chest and another on his forehead. “It’s sweet how you try to act all tough.”

“Bo! Go find the lighter!”

-

Six weeks into the quarantine, Kuroo is over his ‘virus scare’ and now it’s Bokuto who’s sick. Correction, lovesick. It’s starting to test Y/N’s thinning patience.

“Do you think ‘Kaashi would get annoyed if I call him again?”

“Bo, you’ve been facetiming him every single day since this quarantine started. What changed?”

“He hasn’t been messaging me back the last three days! Do you think he got tired of me? Do you think he realized I’ve been in love with him and now he hates me? Do you think he hates my owl memes? Damn, I should’ve just told him before this whole thing started.” Y/N snorts. Clearly. One less headache for her. Even the sight of Kuroo breathing is starting to irk her. One time she nearly slapped him across the head for sleeping on the couch. Quarantine is doing something to her.

“Y/N? Why aren’t you answering? Oh my god, you hate me too, don’t you?” Crap. She was too absorbed in her hatred towards Kuroo’s existence that she forgot this big baby was lying down on her lap crying about something. What was it again? Akaashi hates him? Impossible.

“Impossible.” Y/N doesn’t realize she is running her hand through his two-toned hair. Bokuto hums in content. Y/N is suddenly reminded of her dog from back home. She wonders how he’s doing.

“Keiji’s like, in love with you. If anything he’s probably just drowning in work. You know how busy he gets.” Even Y/N’s not buying it. Busy or not, three days of radio silence from Akaashi has to mean something. She just doesn’t want to deal with an emo Bokuto. She decides to pass the responsibility to Kuroo.

“Bo, I bet Kuroo has some pretty good advice for ya. Remember when he had that crush on Akari-chan for all of highschool?” Bokuto shoots up with a new look of determination. He yells out a ‘you’re the best, Y/N-chan!’ over his shoulders before dashing straight to Kuroo’s room.

Y/N smiles in triumph as she receives a plethora of messages from one very angry Kuroo Tetsurou, ranging from ‘Why would you do this to me?’ to ‘I fucking hate you.’ Serves him right for finishing the ice cream.

(Later they find out that Akaashi simply broke his phone and had to wait three days to get it fixed. Bokuto was over the moon).

-

Sometimes Y/N wears their highschool jerseys because she thinks they’re comfortable. Some days she wears Bokuto’s. Other days she wears Kuroo’s. Today she’s wearing Bokuto’s, and Kuroo doesn’t know why it’s pissing him off.

“Oh man! That thing looks like a dress on you!” Bokuto squeals like one of his fangirls. He dashes to where she is, minding her business making toast in the kitchen, and picks her up from under her arms a la Lion King style.

“Bo! Put me down, you dumbass!” She wiggles in his hold, legs thrashing around. It’s all meaningless though. Bokuto is a pro athlete and is 190cm. Any attempts to free herself remains futile against this giant man-baby.

“Kuroo, look! So cute!” Bokuto gushes, showing her off like a baby. He lightly loosens his hold on one arm and extends his hand to bring a finger up to her cheeks. Y/N is emitting a strange aura. Kuroo suspects she’ll start tearing his ass into pieces within ten seconds.

Correction, three seconds. Because somehow she figures out how to kick behind her and shove an ankle deep into Bokuto’s groin. Now Bokuto is wriggling around on the living room floor as Y/N returns to her toast.

Kuroo finds this amusing, yet there’s a foreign feeling deep inside his chest. Is he getting sick again? He’s gonna need to check on that later.

-

“Ou! What ‘ya watching?”

“Your Name.”

“Huh? Bokuto Koutarou. Did you forget?”

“Dude...” Y/N stares at him in disbelief. Bokuto doesn’t notice but that’s because he’s Bokuto, and just about everything flies over his head. Instead he plops down on the couch next to her and hogs all the blanket.

“Get the fuck out! Get your own blanket!” Bokuto doesn’t reply, but he hums and opens his arms as an invitation. Ah, another platonic cuddling, as Bokuto puts it. Y/N is touch starved and she can’t deny it, so she slides closer to his lean figure and lets her head fall on his chest.

Eventually they settle in, huddling impossibly close to each other as the movie reach its tear-jerking climax. They don’t notice Kuroo walk in with a scowl on his face.

“Oh hey, bro. Wanna watch?” Bokuto notices him first, lifting his head up from the crown of Y/N’s head. Y/N finally looks over Bokuto’s chest and spots Kuroo moving around in the kitchen.

“I’m good.” Is his short answer before he trudges to his room with a loud bang! from his door. Y/N flinches a little, but pays no mind to it. Instead she directs her focus back to the movie, where another sad scene is unfolding.

The movie reaches its ending, but not before Bokuto could ask, “So, what’s the actual title of the movie?”

-

One peaceful afternoon Bokuto decides to take in a stray cat. Except...

“Bokuto, you fucking idiot that’s a racoon!” Y/N screeches as she climbs Kuroo’s back. The rooster head screams as he backs away from Bokuto and ‘Mr. Fluffles.’ Bokuto stares at his frightened roommates and the ‘cat’ in his hand and then back at his roommates again.

Realization strikes, and now Bokuto is screeching with the other two, holding the raccoon as far away from his body as possible.

“If you fucking drop it, I’ll kill you!” Kuroo threatens, holding onto Y/N’s arm that’s starting to dig into his throat. “Take it outside!”

“But it’s raining!”

“Bokuto!”

“It’s you or him, man!”

The two continue their little back-and-forth, not noticing the raccoon had escaped Bokuto’s grasp. But Y/N notices. And it’s heading into her room. And now she’s seeing God.

“Bokuto, gah-!” Kuroo is rudely interrupted by Y/N’s tight hold on his throat getting tighter. Before he could give her hell for attempted murder, he notices the look of horror on her face. “What’s wrong?”

“Your fucking raccoon went in my bedroom!”

��Ah shit!” Both Kuroo and Bokuto scramble, the former forgetting all about the human person hanging onto his back. Said person is too scared of letting her foot touch the floor, afraid that it might be met by the furry abomination Bokuto brought home. So she kinda just...lets Kuroo run off into her room with her dangling off his neck.

“Where’d he go?!” Bokuto panics, not seeing Mr. Fluffles anywhere in his immediate vicinity. He starts flinging stuff off the ground and her table and her bed, making a huge mess in the span of ten seconds. Y/N takes one foot off of Kuroo’s waist and kicks him square in the back.

“Quit trashing my room!” She scolds like a mom. Bokuto pouts but continues looking, until they hear the quiet pitter patter of claws hitting the wooden floor. “Wait shut up!”

Y/N huffs but still complies, wanting nothing more than Mr. Fluffles gone from her room. Kuroo takes the liberty to start questioning Bokuto’s stupidity.

“How could you have possibly thought that thing was a fucking cat?!”

“In my defense, it was pretty dark outside.” Bokuto grumbles in his low and whiny voice, before firing back, “And stop calling him a ‘thing!’ Mr. Fluffles has feelings too!”

“Bokuto we’re not keeping it!” This time it’s Y/N yelling at him with fire in her eyes. The poor guy looks like he’s about to cry, but Y/N is far too gone over the thought of a raccoon making its home in her bedroom.

Bokuto lets out an ‘aha!’ as he emerges from under her bed with Mr. Fluffles. Y/N visibly relaxes knowing that the raccoon is safely contained. Until she remembers what was stashed under her bed.

“Ah, there’s something in his mouth.” Bokuto announces, holding Mr. Fluffles disgustingly close to his face. Her secret stash of snacks. The bastard got into it.

“Bokuto!!!”

(They later find out that at least four neighbors filed a noise complaint against them).

-

It’s two months in to the quarantine when Bokuto discovers TikTok. Within one week he’s dropped his towel in front of Kuroo, sat on Kuroo’s lap during his work Zoom meeting, smacked his gym bag across Kuroo’s face, and then some. Y/N finds humor in this, of course at Kuroo’s expense, but that’s even better.

Speaking of Kuroo and Y/N. Lately there’s been undeniable tension between his two roommates, and Bokuto doesn’t know how to resolve it. Everytime he tries to get them to talk they end up arguing.

He’s asked Akaashi for advice, but Akaashi simply told him to let them resolve it amongst themselves. Bokuto does not have the patience for that. He’s scared their meaningless arguments might rip a tear into their ten year long friendship.

So Bokuto does what he thinks is best, bake them cookies! No one could possibly be in a bad mood while eating freshly baked cookies, even Bokuto is drooling at the thought. So with a new resolve, Bokuto scrolls through his new favorite app (TikTok) to find some good recipes. Because TikTok has all the answers.

Except when he bakes the cookies he later finds out he used two cups of salt instead of sugar. He doesn’t know how that happened, but it could be because he grabbed the first white substance he saw and dumped it in the bowl.

Kuroo and Y/N somehow found a way to blame each other. Bokuto is reaching his limits.

-

Bokuto calls for an emergency meeting. He needs help deciding whether or not he should drop 40,000¥ on the Animal Crossing Limited Edition Switch that comes with Animal Crossing: New Horizons.

Y/N says go for it because she’s secretly plotting on stealing it the moment he gets tired of the game (which knowing Bokuto, would be fairly quick). Kuroo objects because Bokuto blew 50,000¥ last month buying shit he didn’t need for the quarantine.

And now there’s a fullblown argument between the two. Bokuto is reminded of his parents, except their fights never got this hostile and he’s pretty sure his mom never called his dad a “rooster-hair bastard!” He’s too scared to cut in. He thinks they might cut off his head. So he decides to sneakily crawl back into his room.

He ends up ordering the switch anyways, and when it arrives a week later Kuroo calls Y/N a bad influence. They argue again.

Bokuto has an epiphany.

-

Two days after Bokuto’s epiphany, they take a trip to the supermarket. Bokuto wants to drive but he can’t because his license got revoked after he ran through five consecutive red lights. Kuroo tells him this but he gets pouty so Kuroo had to buy him ice cream on the way there to get him to shut up.

So now Bokuto is slobbering up Kuroo’s car, much to the latter’s distaste. It isn’t until Kuroo brake checks him and Bokuto slams the ice cream on his face, does Kuroo show a look of content. Bokuto pays no mind, and decides to bring up his recent epiphany.

“So, bro, when are ya gonna tell Y/N you’re in love with her?” Kuroo slams his foot on the brakes again, this time out of shock. “I - uh - what - what did you just say?”

“Oh man,” Bokuto lets out a boisterous laugh while licking the ice cream that dripped down his shirt (gross), “you didn’t know?!”

“You two have had this sexual tension between you brewing for weeks! It’s like - I could actually cut through it with a knife, like a piece of pie or something!”

“I hate everything you just said.”

“Whatever man, just let me know if you want me gone for the night. I’ll even come up with a good excuse.” He winks, and Kuroo resists the urge to crash the car into a tree.

-

Bokuto’s words affect Kuroo a lot more than he would like to admit. Ever since that fateful trip to the supermarket with his owl-eyed friend, Kuroo’s been too wary of his other roommates existence. He wants to prove Bokuto wrong. He, Kuroo Tetsurou, is not in love with L/N Y/N, his best friend since his first year of highschool.

L/N Y/N is one of the guys! That’s like saying he likes Bokuto (Kuroo bites back his disgust). And Kuroo doesn’t like Bokuto, thank you very much.

Except L/N Y/N is not Bokuto.

L/N Y/N is his endless highschool memories that he always goes back to on a bad day. She is going to the beach during the summer and playing in the ocean until they tire themselves out. She’s like a warm hug that welcomes him after a long and tiring say. She’s like the rock that was flung at his ex’s window after she cheated on him with some other guy. She’s like the fun he’s had during the summer away games, where he got to play volleyball with his friends for one week straight. She’s like taking the long way home just so he could walk back with her. L/N Y/N is his best friend.

No, Y/N is not all those things. She is, however, the person he’s shared those memories with. The person Kuroo could say one hundred percent, without a doubt, knows him best (aside from Bokuto and maybe his mom). She’s the person that’s always been there through thick or thin, for ten years and counting.

Oh god. Kuroo Tetsurou is in love with L/N Y/N.

-

Bokuto has a plan in mind. A plan to help his two best friends hook up (and maybe date afterwards). Bokuto tells Akaashi his plans but Akaashi tells him all his plans are moronic, so he goes to his teammates Hinata and Atsumu, who says he’s a genius.

(The plan is simple: make Kuroo jealous. That bastard is as possessive as a dog over his food).

Which is how he finds himself seated at the kitchen table, phone in hand with a disgusted Y/N right across from him.

“No, you’re not giving my number to Miya Atsumu. That guy has shifty eyes!”

“Come on, you’ll learn how to love it! ‘Sides, Tsumu-tsumu is a nice guy! Did’ya really think I’d set my bestest friend in the world up with some sketchy guy?” If Bokuto’s normal talking voice is at a hundred, he’s talking at a hundred twenty now, just to make sure Kuroo can hear him from his room.

Y/N presses her palms to her ears, not really questioning why he’s talking so damn loud. Instead she blackmails him. “Bokuto if you don’t stop I’ll send Keiji all your embarrassing pictures from our first year.”

“You wouldn’t!”

But the look in her eyes says she would. And the ping! sound that came from her phone says that she just did. “Y/N!” Bokuto cries out, scrambling incredibly fast to his room where he left his phone plugged in, hoping he could stop Akaashi from witnessing the embarrassment that is Bokuto Koutarou as a fifteen year old.

Moments after Bokuto bolted to his room and is screaming out, “‘Kaashi! Block Y/N-chan right now! Don’t open her texts!” Kuroo steps out of his bedroom, having been shamelessly eavesdropping on their previous conversation.

“So,” He leans over the kitchen counter (he thinks he looks like hot shit but Y/N begs to differ), “Miya Atsumu, huh?” Her face contorts into something out of digust or discomfort, he can’t tell which one. Is it bad for him to say he likes that reaction? Probably.

“Don’t.” Is her short response, bringing up a hand in front of her body. “If Bokuto thinks I’m desperate enough to go for one of his teammates, then I’ve got a surprise for him. No offense to Shouyou.”

“So what I’m hearing is...it’s not the aspect of being in a relationship you’re totally against, but the guy himself?” Kuroo thinks out loud. Y/N throws him one of her infamous ‘what-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about’ looks, but he feigns ignorance to it.

“I mean, yeah? I haven’t had a good fuck since-” Kuroo decides to cut her off there, not really eager to learn the name of the man she’s...well, you get it! (Bokuto was right, this man truly is possessive).

“Anyways, good choice. I heard the other twin is where it’s at.” Kuroo ends the conversation there, with new knowledge about his new found crush and confidence over the fact that he still has a chance.

-

A week goes by just like that. Bokuto makes it painfully obvious he’s trying to make Kuroo jealous. Except painfully obvious is not obvious enough for his slightly-frustrating friend, Y/N.

At one point, when obviously Atsumu didn’t serve much of a threat to Kuroo (curse that idiot for being too easy to mock), Bokuto took matters into his own hands and tried flirting with Y/N himself. And while Bokuto is a lot of things, being smooth isn’t one of them. There’s a reason why he hasn’t made whatever he has with Akaashi official yet, he’s terrible at relationships and anything related to it.

(Though Kuroo had a riot witnessing Bokuto’s failed attempts at heterosexual flirting:

“So, you come here often?”

“Bo, I fucking live here.”).

And as much as Bokuto wants to just go out with it and announce to Y/N (and the world) that his totally radical bro, Kuroo Tetsurou, is in love with her, he has just about enough self control and conscience to know that doing that could only result in his immediate death at the hands of a very angry rooster-head. So he’s just been beating around the bush. For a week he’s tried to drop subtle hints that were, sadly, left dropped by Y/N. She’s almost as helpess as Bokuto. Almost.

But when an opportunity like this falls on his lap, Bokuto just knows he has to take it.

It’s at one of their annual roommate-bonding, a tradition they’ve held since moving in together during college. This time Kuroo is unable to join due to some hold-up at work. He’s in his room furiously typing away at his computer.

“So...” He makes sure to drag out the last vowel to gain her interest. Though it’s pretty useless since Y/N is as easy to fool as Bokuto himself. They’re best friends for a reason. A very bad reason, one might say.

“So what?” She asks, shoving about ten pieces of popcorn in her mouth all at once. Bokuto realizes he is tired of beating around the bush. He decides to set the metaphorical bush on fire. “Admit it, Y/N. You like Kuroo, don’t ‘ya? You wanna screw him or something?”

“Shh!” Suddenly Y/N is more invested in whatever Bokuto has to say than the shitty movie he picked out. And now she’s launched herself off her side of the couch onto his, pressing a greasy, buttery palm to his lips.

Bokuto easily swipes her hand away with a shit eating grin on his face. “So I was right! Which one is it? ‘Ya like him? Or you wanna screw him?”

“Bokuto!” She warns. Her eyes dart to Kuroo’s closed bedroom door, suddenly too aware of just now thin these walls actually are. It also didn’t help that Bokuto’s normal speaking voice is about as loud as a race car engine.

She realizes there’s no point in hiding it, since he’s looking at her with those creepy owl eyes, just daring her not to spill everything. “How’d you even find out?” She sighs in defeat.

“Come on! You’ve been so irritated lately that there was only two possible explanations: ya either love the guy or hate his guts. I don’t think you’d be friends with him for ten years if you hated him so much.” Y/N blinks in surprise. That’s surprisingly perceptive, coming from Bokuto. She tells him this.

“Hey! I’m capable of using my head too!” He doesn’t like how she’s giving him that judgement look. Clearing his throat, Bokuto decides to skip past that.

“So? Since when did ‘ya like the lucky bastard?” Bokuto expects one month, maybe two at best. What he didn’t expect was this: “Probably since highschool.”

“Wha-?!” His outburst is contained by a smaller body flying on top of his, as well as two palms pressed tightly over his mouth. Eyes wide, he looks down to see a flustered Y/N, pink cheeks and all, looking menacingly at Kuroo’s door, trying to see if he heard any of that.

Once she confirms she’s in the clear, she lets out the breath she’s been holding and smacks Bokuto across his biceps.

“Idiot! Don’t just scream like that!” She huffs, arms crossed at her chest. “I told you ‘cus I trust you, Bo. Don’t do anything stupid with that trust.” The man simply nods, still too shocked to form coherent words.

Once he does however, Y/N is hit with an onslaught of whispered questions. “Since when? How come I didn’t notice? How come anyone didn’t notice? Why-” He pauses, realizing his questions aren’t being answered. So he waits as she brings her legs up to her chest with an unreadable expression.

“I mean it was pretty easy to hide it. We went to different schools, and whenever we hung out you were always there,” Y/N starts, but quickly adds, “I mean, not like I didn’t want you there! It’s just - it was easier to forget I even liked him whenever the three of us were together.” Her voice is barely above a whisper, probably still wary of the fact that Kuroo was only one room over. Bokuto notices this and turns up the volume of the TV, earning a small smile from his nervous wreck of a friend.

“At one point I was actually gonna tell him, but then he started dating Akari-chan.” Bokuto scowls at the name. Akari, the girl that Kuroo crushed on for a full year, but also the girl that ended up cheating on him with some guy in her painting club. “I wasn’t really the type to cry over a small crush, I had other things to do. Actually I was kind of relieved. Kuroo being taken meant I didn’t have to act on these weird feelings I started having.”

“And next thing I knew we were off to college. I started dating other people, and my feelings for him started shrinking. Even when we decided to move in together, we were all so busy with our separate lives, so I wasn’t really worried about it...until, y’know, we kinda got stuck here together. I guess seeing him 24/7 just caused my head to malfunction. I thought fighting with him would stop these weird...feelings, from coming back. But I guess that backfired on me since you ended up finding out. Wait - Bokuto are you crying?”

The said man tucks his head in his arms, mumbling out “No,” even though it was pretty obvious. Y/N softly smiles, finding his reaction kind of cute. It was nice to know he cares that much, no matter how infuriating he could get.

“I didn’t even know you went through that much, Y/N-chan. C’mere! Lemme give you a hug!”

“Bokuto, no! I don’t need-” The rest of her complaints are drowned out by a sturdy chest meeting her face. Great. Bokuto’s way too emotional now.

“I’m sorry, I promise I’ll help you tell him!”

“Wait what? I don’t want that!” Y/N tries to argue, but her voice is muffled due to being stuffed into his chest. Suddenly remembering that Bokuto has a tendency to be a loud mouth and could never keep a secret from Kuroo, Y/N shoots up, pressing her palms to his chest to release herself from his hold.

“Bo, you have to promise me you won’t tell him anything.”

“But -”

“Bokuto!” He slightly recoils from the sternness of her voice, before he bows his head and nods. Y/N relaxes a bit, settling back into her previous position and fixed her focus back to the movie playing on the TV as if their previous conversation never happened.

Unbeknownst to her, Bokuto is already putting the pieces together for his master plan.

-

Y/N comes to regret telling Bokuto her ‘dirty’ little secret exactly one week later, at their next roommate-bonding. This time Kuroo is there, with Bokuto right in between them on the couch. There’s another shitty movie playing in the background (curtesy of Bokuto’s horrible choice in films), but Y/N can’t bring herself to pay attention.

She does however, snap out of her little daydream when Bokuto shoots up, phone in hand and reaching for the door. Oh no. Both Kuroo and Y/N think to themselves.

“Ah! What’s this?! There’s an emergency at ‘Kaashi’s apartment?! Guys, I’ll be right back!” Bokuto is out the door before either of them could object. Y/N knows Akaashi. Akaashi is a safe guy. He’s not the type to call out of nowhere because of an emergency, and even if he did, Bokuto surely would not be the first contact in mind. Which means, Bokuto, that sneaky bastard, planned this with the single brain cell he had left.

Silence fills the air for the next five minutes, until Kuroo’s phone sounds off. It’s a text from Bokuto, reading: When I come back you two better be-

Kuroo decides to turn off his phone there, fearing the contents of the very explicit paragraph Bokuto sent following those words. Instead he turns his head to his friend next to him - or rather on the opposite side of the couch, avoiding him like he’s the plague.

He doesn’t like this awkwardness at all. Conversation between them used to always just flow, even if most of them end up becoming a heated debate over the most trivial things. Kuroo decides to man up. It’s now or never.

“Okay so -” “Hey -” The two pause, finally making eye contact for the first time in past week. All of Kuroo’s brain cells fly out his brain and out the window, leaving him to fend off for himself in this awkward situation. His head is like that one Spongebob meme. Oh god, he’s turning into Bokuto-

“So,” Y/N’s voice snaps him out of his train of thoughts, or rather his lack of it. This is pathetic. He’s a grown man and he’s acting like a highschooler over a pathetic crush. Except this isn’t a pathetic crush. This is Y/N - his best friend for the past ten years, who he’s just now realized is a lot prettier than he initially thought.

“I’m in love with you.” Yes, yes he is. Wait, that wasn’t his voice. And that definitely wasn’t his subconscious trying to patch up what’s left of his decimated ego, which means -

“Kuroo?” Jesus fuck, when did she even slide over this close? “You don’t have to answer or anything, I just thought I should tell you first before Bokuto breaks. I understand if you don’t feel the same way-”

“No!” She flinches at how loud his voice is. “I mean, fuck - wait. You gotta let me process this real quick.” Kuroo is suddenly aware he’s redder than his Nekoma jersey, and her face is super close to his, and her lips look totally kissable right now.

“I’m in love with you, too.” Kuroo finally speaks up. He notices how she goes stiff, and how quickly her face turns into a bright shade of red.

“You don’t have to say it just ‘cus you feel bad! This doesn’t have to change anything between us! I mean, I’ve kept it a secret for ten years, I can do ten more-”

“Y/N.” She finally stops her rambling, meeting his eyes. And she doesn’t know why, but suddenly she just knows he’s being sincere. She could probably die right now and she’d say she lived a happy life.

“I’m gonna kiss you now.” Kuroo waits for her confirmation, in this case a shy nod, before cupping her cheeks with his large and warm hands. He inches over slowly at first, but lets his lips eagerly meet hers with a smile. He feels her hands wrap around his waist, letting him deepen the kiss.

It starts of slow and steady, everything Y/N could have ever dreamed of, until needy hands start roaming her body. She has to crane her neck to meet his lips, and Kuroo probably sensed her discomfort because now he’s gripping her waist tightly, lifting her up gently and placing her down on his lap.

The new and more comfortable position allows Kuroo to deepen the kiss, and Y/N finds her hands grabbing the hair she’s been insulting so much for the past two months. Kuroo sighs into the kiss, with Y/N smiling a bit at the situation. As things escalate, a loud gasp breaks them out of their trance.

“Oh. My. God!” Bokuto is squealing like an idiot and Akaashi is behind him unamused. “Finally.” Is his short statement.

“What the fuck Bokuto!” Kuroo growls. Y/N, suddenly a bit too self conscious climbs off the spot she made for herself on Kuroo’s lap. Though her embarrassment doesn’t last long, before she joins Kuroo in glaring at Bokuto.

“I just came back ‘cus I forgot my wallet, but oh man! You guys are adorable!” Akaashi is still behind him, but this time he looks more apologetic. “Bokuto-san, maybe we should leave.”

“Nah, I kinda wanna stay.”

“Bokuto!”

“Get the fuck out!” Bokuto only laughs as he catches both the pillow and the remote control thrown at him. He drops both items back down on the living room floor and snatches his wallet from the counter before calling over his shoulders,

“Yeah, yeah. Just make sure ya make me the best man and the maid of honor!”

A/N. Reupload! This fic was totally self-indulgent bc I am so bored of quarantine and am currently wishing I had a Bokuto and Kuroo to keep me entertained. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! And as always, thank you for reading! Leave a like if you...liked it? Is that how it goes? - chuu

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[thestanceyg]

Darcyland Drabble Race the Second

So here’s my contribution to another drabble race. Again under the cut because there’s a LOT.

Quantum 1 “Oh my god,” Jane said, flopping down on to the couch next to her. “I had forgotten this show was even a thing.”

“It’s my stay home from school sick comfort show,” Darcy said as she pulled her blanket tighter around her. The chills she was experiencing were no joke.

“Man, I wonder how the creators of Quantum Leap feel now? Like…that tech kinda actually exists, even if it’s classified.”

“I don’t think they know about it Jane,” Darcy said with a fond roll of her eyes. “You know, on account of it being classified and all.”

2 “The fuck does this word mean?” her dumbass lab partner asked.

“Which word?” she asked with a put upon sigh.

“Quantum,” he said, pointing to literally the first question.

“Thor wept,” she muttered under her breath before turning to him more fully. “Here,” she said, pointing back to the textbook. “Definition’s right here. I’ll even read it to you. A discrete quantity of energy proportional in magnitude to the frequency of the radiation it represents.”

“No need to be a bitch about it.”

She idly wondered if killing him was a possibility. “Sure sure,” she said, sugary sweet. “Since I’m such a bitch, don’t worry about me helping again.”

3 “I don’t think the quantum physics work that way,” Fitz said with a tilt of his head as he looked at the projection.

“I mean, I didn’t either,” Darcy agreed, joining him, “but I also don’t doubt our modeling software. Something’s happening here that’s unexpected, and that means either we have something wrong, or there’s something we have yet to figure out that’s acting on everything.”

“You know what that means?” he said with a smile.

“More research dates,” she said before kissing the tip of his nose.

“Can’t wait,” he said before claiming her lips.

4 “Quantum Laser Tag is the best!” she yelled, highly offended. “I can’t believe you just besmirched it’s good name!”

“Err, all I said was that laser tag was kinda lame.”

“It is not!” she practically whined. “Okay, dude, maybe you’ve not had good laser tag experiences, but I have to say that does not mean you get to shit on literally the greatest arena in at least the tristate area.”

“You’re…really passionate about this,” he said giving her a look she couldn’t decipher.

“So is this your way of bowing out of our first date?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Hell no,” he said, smiling.

5 “I’m just saying, that the names at this bar are not scientifically accurate,” she complained. 

“Jane. Literally none of us give a shit. We are here to get shitfaced and giggle over our jobs being somehow alcohol themed,” Darcy reprimanded her. 

“I’m definitely having a Quantum Blast,” Helen said, sidling up to the bar.

“Really?” Darcy said giving her a disgusted look. “I mean…there’s something about adding the word ‘blast’ to it that turns me off from it.”

“Fair,” Helen agreed. “But it has triple sec in it and I’m in the mood.”

Darcy tilted her head in acknowledgment of the wisdom.

6 “I promise to never play with the quantum field again if we can just get out of this alive,” Darcy said more to herself than anyone else.

“What?” Scott asked.

“Just promising myself to try and stick to my field in the future should I survive whatever this is.” She gestured to the everything around them that really defied understanding.

Scott nodded. “I wish I could make a similar vow, but it’s kinda my field now. Though this,” he looked around a bit, “is indeed disconcerting. I could, err, try to make it up to you when we get out of here.”

“Are you asking me on a date?”

“Yes?”

7 “Nope. Not happening. I will not be teaching quantum physics as my teaching assignment next semester. It’s not my field. I would have to do my own research just to feel like I was giving the students an adequate course,” she said as soon as the department head had offered her the schedule.

“Well you don’t have a lot of options here. You’re still a candidate and not a post doc so you don’t get to argue with me really.”

“This is some serious bullshit,” Darcy groaned. “But seriously, Johnson would be way better at this. He even has done research in this field.”

“Yes well…”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Darcy groaned. “You’re doing him a favor and I’m the one that has to deal with the consequences?”

Nebula 1 “And if you look here,” the professor droned on as he used his laser pointer, “you can see a nebula that is starting to die.”

“Kinda like me in this class,” she muttered under her breath. The guy next to her laughed, but covered it with a cough. She looked at him and winked, and he honest to Thor blushed. Well damn if that wasn’t the cutest thing that she’d ever seen.

She grabbed a scrap of paper and wrote her name on it and slid it over to him.

He read it and smiled a bit and wrote back.

Fitz. Nice name. She couldn’t wait to be screaming it later.

2 Nebula was very murderous and Darcy kinda loved her for it. It seemed like there was a lot of deep seated anger that the woman was ready and willing to take out on anyone and everyone. You had to love her unapologetic rage. Darcy couldn’t help but admire how she didn’t give a shit if someone thought it made her less attractive because anyone dumb enough to voice that sentiment would probably end up with a knife in them. Was it wrong that she was a little turned on?

That thought made her come up short.

Shit. She didn’t have time for a crush.

3 The fabric technically had nebulas all over it, though the fabric name had the word galaxy. In the grand scheme of things it really didn’t matter, but it annoyed her for some reason. It seemed that all sorts of little things were bothering her lately, and she couldn’t find the reason. Why should she care that she had “galaxy fabric” that was actually nebula fabric? She would make the damn pillow covers and then she could tell her friends it was nebula print. Giving up caffeine had been a bad idea. It made her crabby. She should probably reconsider her idea to stop drinking coffee.

4 Nebula Swirl was possibly the best flavor of ice cream she had ever eaten, and it was looking like she would only be able to eat it for one more month if something drastic didn’t happen. She took her cone and snapped a picture and posted it to Instagram with the tag SaveGalacticCones. Maybe someone would see it and drop some cash their way. It wasn’t their fault that the freak storm had damaged the property and left them paying off heavy repair bills. They deserved to thrive, if for no other reason than it was the ice cream of her youth and she had so little to remember her childhood by.

5 “I don’t research in the Horseshoe Nebula,” she said with a frustrated sigh. “In fact, I don’t even look within a million light years of there. So please explain to me in very small words why you think your project should get any of my grant money.”

“Because I need to fund my research Dr. Witherow said. “It’s as simple as that. I need more funding and you just won a lot of money. There’s no way you’ll need all of it, so umbrella my study under your project and we’ll both win.”

“No, dude, we won’t ‘both win.’ That grant is actually just one of three for my project because it doesn’t cover everything.” Thor save her from entitled scientists.

6 “It looks kind a like a nebula” Jane said as she looked at the giant bruise on Darcy’s hip.

“I guess that’s fitting because the pain is out of this world,” Darcy tried to joke. It didn’t quite come off as carefree as she had hoped, but that was possibly because she was an hour out from her next pain pill and the current one seemed to have mostly worn off.

“Darce,” Jane said with a bit of warning in her voice. “You’re going to let me coddle you because that’s what I need. I think you do too.”

Darcy sighed. “I know.”

7 A burst of nebula like light flashed before her eyes as the hit landed.

She didn’t pass out, but it was a near thing.

“You will do what we want, Dr. Lewis!” the man spit at her.

“No. I won’t,” she argued. “And you hit like a little kid.”

The man’s face turned a red she didn’t realize was possible before he backhanded her, hitting the already blooming bruise from the earlier punch. “I think you will change your mind.”

“I’d rather die.”

“That can be arranged,” he sneered.

“I doubt it,” she countered. “You need me too much. And if you keep hitting my head, it’ll be that much longer before I’m even capable of doing what you ask.”

Vortex 1 Of course it was a solar vortex. Or, at least that’s what she was calling this abomination in her mind. She wasn’t sure what else to call what appeared to be a tornado of sunlight that was leaving a path of fire and destruction behind it. Why couldn’t normal things happen to her?

She would have to blame Jane. Shit like this never happened to her before New Mexico.

Of course, it could also be that this kind of madness would still happen to her even if she had never been an intern, but blaming Jane felt familiar. That woman definitely owed her ice cream for changing her life like this.

2 “It’s not a vortex” Dr. Strange said, the pinched look on his face clearly telling him what he thought of Darcy and her inability to call it whatever name he had given his portal thingy. She knew it wasn’t a vortex. It was just fun to razz him and see him get annoyed.

He was kinda cute when he was annoyed.

Well, he was kinda cute regardless, but his cuteness was focused on her whenever he was annoyed because 99% of the time it was her fault.

It wasn’t healthy, but it was working so she’d deal with the mental health implications later.

3 “I promise you that’s not a tornado,” she said to her storm chasing boyfriend. “I know it looks like one, but, very unfortunately for the entire town of Lawton, it’s actually an anomaly called a temporal vortex.”

“What does that mean, Darcy?” he yelled over the roar of the storm.

“It means that if we don’t get out of the path of that thing we’ll end up in an alternate reality that may or may not include a breathable atmosphere.”

“Right,” he said, his hands tightening on the steering wheel. “I’d like to live to have another date so one storm evasion coming up.”

4 “It’s called The Vortex,” Helen said reverently as she placed what Darcy thought was a fishbowl on the table. It had six straws sticking out of it.

“Why?” Pepper asked, looking at the drink cautiously.

Helen shrugged. “Does it matter? What matters is it tastes like sunshine and amaretto and goes down easy and will get you shitfaced if that’s what you want.”

Jane grabbed a straw and took a long slurp. “I need to get shitfaced and Helen isn’t wrong. I don’t care what’s in the Vortex. It can be made of baby souls and I will keep drinking it. It’s a fucking delight in my mouth.”

5 “I am sick of the Polar Vortex and it’s technically only been here for three hours,” Darcy said as she cuddled more into the blankets and tried to burrow even further into the warmth of her boyfriend.

“I’m not exactly excited about it either,” he agreed, “but at least it means we have guaranteed time together. That’s been a rare occurrence lately.”

Darcy nodded and debated it it was worth getting her arm out of the blanket to grab her hot chocolate.

“Darce?” he asked.

She turned to look at him. His eyes were soft. “I love you.”

Her breath stopped. He hadn’t said that before. Maybe the Polar Vortex wasn’t that bad.

6 “Sedona is weird,” Spencer said with a frown.

“Are you talking about the vortices?” she asked.

“I am,” he said, studying the map they had been given at the little tourism station. “I just. I can’t believe people believe in this stuff.”

“Ehh,” she said. “There’s a lot of shit I wouldn’t have believed in before it happened to me. You know, like Asgardians and such.”

“Maybe,” he agreed with pursed lips.

She pointed to a spot on the map. “Look, that one’s on a trail. We said we were going to do some hiking, so we’ll go there and treat it scientifically.”

He perked up just like she knew he would. “Sounds like a plan,” he said with a kiss to her cheek.

7 “I am a vortex of emotion,” she said before throwing herself on the couch.

Pepper handed her a glass of white wine. “What happened today?”

“He’s just so cute,” she practically whined. “And he has no idea that literally every time I’m talking to him I’m trying to flirt. I swear I used to be good at it.”

“Perhaps Bruce is ignoring it?”

Darcy shook her head. “I don’t think so, but I also hate that idea. Please don’t ever say that again. How can I live if he doesn’t like me back?”

“Do I just attract drama queens, or is there something special about you and Tony?”

Darcy gasped. “How dare you think I’m not special. You take that back!”

Supernova 1 “Why are you listening to Oasis on repeat?” Jane asked as she walked into Darcy’s apartment.

“Not Oasis,” Helen corrected, “Champagne Supernova.”

“Oh, Darcy. No hon.” Jane threw her purse on a chair and went to the kitchen and started going through the freezer. “Okay, here’s the plan,” she said as she came back into the living room. “I am going to make us some very alcoholic fruit slushies, you are going to move on from Oasis to some 90s Alanis, and then you are going to tell us what happened.”

Jane disappeared back into the kitchen and Helen looked at Darcy.

“And then we plot revenge,” she added.

2 “I promise you there was never a Gusher flavor called Supernova Blast. That wasn’t a thing. You need to stop trying to convince me it was. I might be dumb, but I am not that gullible.”

“Aww, babe! Who said you were dumb! I’ll be happy to knock some sense into them.

“Darce, that’s not the point,” Peter said with a whine. “The point is you cannot make me believe it.”

Darcy turned her laptop to show him the Google Image search with Supernova Blast gushers.

“Your reality is so flippin’ weird,” he said as he stared at the screen.

3 “It’s, like, more than a nova. It’s a SUPER nova.”

Darcy just stared at the man in front of her. This was the last time she allowed Clint to set her up on a blind date.

“Riiight,” she said. “Ummm, I’m sorry, but I need to go to the bathroom. Be right back,” she said as she grabbed her purse and praised the heavens that she hadn’t brought a coat too.

She grabbed a waitress as soon as she was out of his line of sight. “Hi, I need to escape a bad date and I will pay you $40 to let me out a back door.”

The waitress grabbed the money. “Done.”

4 “And next up is Supernova!” the announcer roared. Darce waved to the crowd as her name was called. She hadn’t expected to love roller derby as much as she did, but it truly was a life saver. The team was amazing, it allowed for stress relief, and it was something that was just hers. No being in Jane’s academic shadow. No being in her brother’s professional musician shadow. No shadows. Just Darcy.

As they set up for the first jam she looked up to the crowd and saw some signs with her name on them. She had never felt more alive.

5 “Excuse me?” the man at the counter said, “Are you really telling me that you’ve never heard of the Supernovas?”

Darcy gritted her teeth. “Honestly, dude, it doesn’t matter if I have or not. What I asked was whether or not you had any Aquabats.”

“But I can’t let you listen to that when you could be listening to the Supernovas.”

“I think you are missing what exactly your role is here. I came here looking specifically for a present for my brother, and I came to you to help me with it. In exchange, you should be telling me whether or not you have it, not making me want to leave because you won’t stop forcing your terrible bands on me.”

He stared at her in annoyance.

6 She imagined that this was what it must feel like at the center of a supernova. She had never felt so warm and alive and bursting. His simple confession wasn’t something she had ever expected, but it knocked the ice off her heart and had made her realize that she loved him too. She loved him in a consuming way that she hoped would eventually burn down to warm contentment and not eat them alive, but she couldn’t deny that his love had changed her and she could never go back to not knowing how this felt.

7 “You can’t use the supernova attack in this setting!” Steve said.

“I don't’ see why,” Darcy argued. “What’s stopping me?”

“Because that’s not how it’s supposed to be used.”

Darcy made a tsking noise at him. “Stevey, you can’t say that you want to follow the spirit of things here. You knew I was the type of person to always argue I was technically inside of the rules to do crazy shit when you asked me to join your game. So you either let me cast this or you kill me so I can go play with people that enjoy my unorthodox approach.”

“Fine,” he sighed. “Roll please.”

#darcylanddrabblerace #revengers

[sandalwoodhusbands]

when i was little my mom used to play friends reruns on the tv constantly. anyone remembers the episode where monica moved in with chandler, and her and rachel cried on the couch because it was 'the end of an era'? i didn't really get it then, but i think i do now.

i know the show will go on. i'm happy that it will. in some way though, it feels like a little piece of my heart left with the last rolling credits tonight. it's only fair that i give it a deserving farewell.

first of all, i want to clarify that this isn't a post for tumblr. this is a post for my friends, that i want to share on tumblr because i am proud of us and of what we've found, and i want everyone to know.

lily. @davnci you made all of this happen, you know? i've always been a casual watcher. a casual reader, a casual listener. if it hadn't been for you i wouldn't be where i am now. this happened because of you, god fucking bless the moment you decided you wanted to fight for an eliott season.

sophie. my dear wifey. i have no words to explain how much i love you. you already know, i've told you enough times. if i could change one thing, it would be the distance between us. you're one of my favorite people on earth, and i wish you all the good in the world. you deserve it.

tara. @jebentnietalleen what can i say to you that you don't know already? you always thank me for reaching out one year ago. i would do it 100 times over. when we parted ways in paris i told you 'I'll see you soon' and you said 'i hope so'. now we're thinking about going on vacation together next year. i think that says enough about our relationship. i love you.

helen. @eliotts-eyes my beautiful helena de troya. my favorite greek godess, and my bro. remember the other day when we talked about missing someone without having met them? that's what i feel about you. i can't wait to sing to harry styles and do cartwheels with you, i don't care what city as long as it happens. i love you.

meg. @lifeisevak my favorite british person, up there in my top 10 favorite people i love to talk to. you came to me like a hurricane, talking about skam og and pride and i was instantly in awe of you. that still hasn't changed. i want to hug you so bad sometimes i could cry. bloody hell, i am so proud of you and all that you've become, it doesn't even make sense because i had nothing to do with it. i am so proud of you for just existing. i love you.

camille. @demaury fuck. you chaos personified. if i had to have 5am conversations about the french revolution with someone it would be with you. thank you so much for taking a piece of yourself and sharing it with me and our friends. if i could bottle up all of the times you make me fucking lose it with one of your jokes i'd have enough bottles to reconstruct the mediterranean sea. i love you.

belle. @choupielu my beautiful dumb dumb daughter. you drive me up the walls, you make me stay up until 6am more than once. you get me in weird groupchats with people i've never met in my life, and i let you. i let you do a lot of things, i hope you feel special. it it all turns to shit, i know who will threaten the world with their bare hands. there's a saying in spanish that says 'las cosas grandes vienen en frascos pequeños' look it up. te queero.

alicia. @crazyabeh you fucking gorgeous human being. if i had to put a face to summer, it'd be yours. i've told you many times. you glow. you're so kindhearted, some would say too much. the first time we met you got me a welcoming gif (i loved it by the way. my mama still asks about you) and the next time we see each other i'll get you a 'let's not spend this long without seeing each other again' one.

glory. @actualsoulmates if you decide on coming to study your masters here you know my door is open for you. in fact, if you don't come live with me for at least a month i will be very upset. you deserve everything good that there is in this world. if this hellsite did something good, is bring us together (and hey, july 23rd... we're throwing a party right?) te amo.

lucie. @hellswolfie for such a quiet one, you're one of my favorite people. i've seen you around for so long, since i very first started my side account. wanna hear a secret? when you joined our friend group i was so fucking happy. i might be the one putting out content, but i was so eager to get to know you for real. you're so sweet, i love you forever.

mara. i don't think i've ever met someone who got the demons in my head quite as you do. i miss you a lot when you're not here. i always feel like a bit of an overexcited puppy when you come back, but i think that's okay, i just want you to feel loved. you know ohana? how no one gets left behind? even when you're not there we don't forget you. you're part of us, always will be, and i love you.

verena. you fucking kind human. you have many reasons to get mad when things go to shit, but you're always the one there making sure everyone is okay and cheering us up. remember that thing you did at the begining of the quarentine? the japanese tradition? no one's ever cared like this for me. i'll forever be thankful. i love you.

manar. @waunderlnst0 you're definitely the purest one out of all my friends. it's funny, really. if i wanna talk to someone i know you'll always be around. you're chaotic good. and hey, thanks for being faster than mr axel auriant in catching his posts. i love you.

ani. @coffeerocks i'm not entirely convinced you and vere weren't long lost siblings in another timeline. you are so sweet. thanks for putting up with my weird texting habits. you've done so many things for me that we both know about and I'll never get to thank you enough. so many genuine acts of kindness, i hope your life will be the happiest it can be. i love you.

julie. @ariavds you're texting me as i'm writing this, and all i'm thinking is 'god, is it possible to be this fond of someone else?'. words fall short for all i would like to say to you. you're not the same person that i met a year ago. to that shy girl, i wanted yo say thank you, for bringing you to me. i said once you were the best person that had happened to me this year and i still stand by it. je t'adore ma julie.

anabelle. @mabubblebulle 🦝❤️🦔🐿️🌸🍍 out of all the things skam france has brought to me, you're the one that came more unexpected. my beautiful, perfectionist ravenclaw. if you ever feel sad, remember that in the parallel universe where the pandemic didn't happen we'd be spending our summer weekends together. just gotta hold in there. happy me ❤️

sophia. @eliottdemmaury an actual eliott demaury in disguise, your username matches you. i really hope for, the best for you. i want you to be happy all of the time instead of just sometimes. you brilliant, beautiful mind that kills me with your words. i am so happy that i met you. i don't wanna see you sad ever. i love you. (an actual babey)

jaime. @surrealsunday well, if it isn't the neglecting parent. you are, how do i even explain it? as a reader, thank you so much for your fics. the last chapter of hollow edge came out 12 hours after i got the news that my flight to paris had been canceled. it was the first thing that got a smile out of me that day. as a friend, thank you so much for indulging me in my bullshit. i was going through a hard time and julie said 'beg her for it, maybe she'll write it' so i did. and so you wrote it. and dedicated it to me. thank you so much for being a part of this fandom.

nicole. @anditsnicole you're such a good heart. i love your take on the show, but i also love how it's more than that. i love that you ask me how i'm doing, if there's anything happening in my life. i love that i care. thank you for sharing your ride with me for the past 2 seasons.

britt. @i-wish-i-felt-you-there for such a young age (she says, the 20 year old), you're such a fierce person. i admire you. i love that you convinced me to watch a whole movie based on a videogame i haven't played in my fucking life and never will. the nights that i stayed up with you talking and laughing, until 6am and i had a headache, i'd never trade them for anything. i love you you disaster human.

keren. @thedelegationofkeren god i miss you. you were one of the first people i met in here. you had to witness at least 3 of my breakdowns, if i remember correctly. and you stayed, even if you were a stranger, you stayed. and i thank you for that. i hope we'll be there for each other in the future too. i love you.

most of all, though? skam france. thank you. thank you for creating a platform that, as flawed as it might be, it brought these people to my life. thank you.

merci, skam france. it's been real.

#thank you thank you thank you #long post

[offaeandcreation]

Sleep-Deprived College Student Becomes World's Strongest Cultivator By Bullshit Means

Summary: The last thing WanLi An (Ani) expected was to a) die in the most pathetic and ridiculous manner, b) wake up in the body of a villain destined to be beheaded in a war of their own making. Of course with Ani's luck, that's exactly what happened. Now Ani finds herself the ruthless, morally-questionable at best, leader of Qishan Wen, rearing two bratty children, while pretending that yes, she is absolutely Wen Ruohan. Nothing to see here! Everything is just fine. Except the universe isn't done making her life hell. "For fuck's sake, I just wanted my degree!"

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

Chapter 2: The Curious Consequences of Wen Ruohan Being a Dick

Content Warnings: Mentions of Decapitation, Death, Auto-cannibalism, and torture.

AO3

I’m fucked. I’m fucked. I’m so fucking fucked

The moment the servant excused himself with far too many bows, Ani found herself pacing around – not a thing she usually did, but it was as if the muscles in her body demanded to walk. Every movement felt foreign. For starters, Ani was used to the floor being closer, not a continent away like in this body. She was pretty sure that she was at least six feet tall. 

That’s hardly important now! 

As of now, Ani was NOT in New York after falling 80 feet from a building. She was in the body of Wen Ruohan, a backstory villain destined to die. 

“This can’t be real,” Ani muttered, “Like what law of physics or reality would just switch me with a character from a book I recently read? Too much of a coincidence.” 

There is another possibility even if it sounds cliche. 

It was possible that Ani survived the fall and was in a coma. A coma-induced dream sequence where her mind was able to construct a reality. Perhaps that’s why coma patients had a hard time waking up? 

Ani closed her eyes and pinched herself. She opened them. The Wen insignia burned into her vision, a scarlet sun painted against white. 

No change. 

“Would’ve been too easy,” she grumbled. 

The reality her mind set wouldn’t be so easily broken. It was a coma. She needed time to heal. Her gaze fell back to her own reflection in the broken mirror.

Why Wen Ruohan though? He literally had one chapter, and outside of being a typical arrogant villain, there was nothing to him. 

Nothing I care about. 

Brain, why? 

In any case, whatever reality her mind constructed, the question became: what next? Did she play along? Do whatever she wanted? Are there consequences? Part of her wanted to just say, “fuck it!” and maybe throw a pillow fight until she woke up. But, a more…cautious part of herself wanted to hold back because “what if?”

Ani wanted to slam her head into a desk or something. 

Footsteps echoed in the hallway outside. They didn’t quite sound outside the door but all the same. From the sound of it, two people were heading her way. And she was standing in the middle of her room in just a flimsy nightgown. Very un-Wen Ruohan like. 

Gazing about wildly, her eyes landed on the table covered in files. She ran towards it, stumbling because big feet are a trip hazard. In a move she probably couldn’t ever pull off again, she contorted her body to slide behind the desk, landing so roughly on the pillow it felt like the equivalent of being spanked. Ani grabbed a random scroll and opened it, staring into the annotations she didn’t understand as if she did. 

Wow, this rice paper is soft. Why isn’t it used more often? Paper cut free! 

The door finally opened. The visitors saw Sect Leader Wen Ruohan behind his desk, doing paperwork! 

At least Ani hoped that’s what she appeared to be doing. 

Two men entered the room, one wearing a white and red robe with scarlet tendrils outlining his robes’s panels – far more than the servant who had nothing on his front. The other man was dressed completely in black. 

They both kowtowed. 

Does everyone kowtow to Wen Ruohan? 

The one in white and red spoke, looking up from his face plant, “Sect Leader,” he began, “we are glad to see you awake and well.”

…what am I to say now? 

She stared at the scroll, pretending to be hung up on something. The men waited in silence. It would be too awkward to not respond. One was expected and the bowed position they were holding looked too uncomfortable to hold. 

Didn’t the servant mention a physician was coming? Maybe this is him? 

There was no Wen Physician mentioned outside of Wen Qing, but clearly the person before her was a man. Not Wen Qing, who was a badass woman, queen of lesbians – a personal head-canon of course. 

“You may get up, physician.” Ani said with as much confidence she could muster, finally glancing up from her faux scroll reading. Her voice was a low tremble that sounded more akin to a growl than anything else. The physician flinched, his skin paled considerably.

Whoops.

 The physician hesitated, but quickly clambered to his feet and bowed his head. 

You really have them fearing you, Wen Ruohan.

 Her frown deepened. This made the physician break out into sweat.

 Shit, right. Wen Ruohan being displeased meant nothing good was going to happen. 

The other man was still kowtowing, having not moved an inch. 

Ani gestured for him to get up too, no use in giving them muscle pain because she was too thunderstruck to know what to say or do. 

Oh, to hell with it. I might as well figure out how soon I’ll have my head chopped off. 

“What happened, physician? My servant implied that I was not well, previously…being unconscious for a period of time.” 

The physician bowed, “Sect Leader Wen, your servant spoke the truth. You have experienced Qi Deviation and have spent over two weeks unconscious.” 

Huh?

Her confusion was clearly illustrated as the physician straightened with a wince, “An accident, Sect Leader. During the Conference.” 

Ani stared at the physician. 

I don’t remember this happening in the novel. Like. At all. 

Her eyes landed on the man in black. His face was as expressive as a brick in a tuxedo, kind of cool looking but overall had the emotional capacity of a, well… brick. Then she gazed back at the physician who was wringing his hands – probably anxiety. Nothing. They remained tight lipped. 

“What accident?” If patience was a string that was pulled tighter and tighter when used, she was pretty sure it would be close to needle width. 

The physician shared a glance with the man in black. Considering how much Ani knew about the latter, he could actually be in fact an ancient version of ‘Men in Black.’ 

The man in black cleared his throat, “Apologies, Sect Leader Wen. You called Sect Leader Nie over, but I was assigned to guard Wen Xu for the night.” There was a twinge in his expression, slight down turn of his brows, dark eyes refusing to meet her eyes, “you collapsed during the discussion.”  

Ani felt an itch in her mind. Something familiar. But no matter how much she tugged at it, nothing came of it. Even with the building pressure in her chest that made her want to kick something, she nodded, thanking them. 

The physician’s eyes widened to the point Ani thought his eyeballs would pop out. The man in black’s brows twitched. 

“What?” Ani couldn’t help bite out. Did they never hear the word ‘thank you’ in their lives? 

Then the singular brain cell that kept Ani from ending up without a degree, mostly, started working. 

Wen Ruohan wouldn’t just say thank you to anyone. Social status and general assholeness.  

Her brain was very detailed. Even taking into account social positions. It would be nice if this genius was applicable in real life. 

“If you do not mind Sect Leader,” the physician interrupted her thoughts, “allow me to check you mederines to make certain everything healed properly.”  

Ani nodded, allowing the physician to take her arm and pull up the sleeve. Sharp punctures pricked her skin as the physician prodded at her arm. 

 A discussion conference two weeks ago probably meant they weren’t at war yet. Strange how her mind plopped her before the war, with a situation that never once came up in the book. 

A flash of silver caught her eye. Physician Wen removed a needle from his sleeve, pointing towards Ani’s arm. Sweat prickled at the back of her neck. 

FUCK. 

The last time Ani had gotten acupuncture, she burst into tears so loudly that her mother had to drag her out the building to avoid the police being called. She was nineteen at the time. 

At this moment, the physician was holding a very sharp needle over her arm, with the full intention of stabbing her with it- 

-and it went flying out of his hand. 

The physician froze, staring at his hand that just seconds ago held a very large needle. Then, he looked around the room among the multiple dark carpets and furniture for where it may have flown off to. 

“Physician.” The man in black said, holding up the needle. He must have caught it midair. 

What just happened? 

“Thank you Master Wen Zhuliu,” The physician took the needle back. 

Again, something itched at the back of Ani’s mind but no, she could get nothing more from that. 

Was it a strange relationship between her unconscious and conscious mind? Memory which she cannot access now but exists? Yet, that wouldn’t explain the physician. Ani was certain she would have remembered something about him if he existed. 

A sharp pinch sent Ani right out of her mental bubble. A needle poked out of her arm, silver against pale flesh. Cold ran up her spine and- 

It went flying across the bedroom. 

Ani, the mysterious probable alien hunter, and the physician, watched in silence as the needle bounced on the floor before rolling to a stop against a nearby rug. 

The physician looked like he would rather be anywhere else than dealing with this bullshit. Ani too would rather be anywhere else but be in a body that was not her own – granted having the ability to literally yeet needles when they so much as brushed against her skin was a useful skill worth investing in. 

The silence ended when the physician cleared his throat, 

“Sect Leader Wen,” he saluted, finally letting go of her arm. Ani looked at him. The soft rice paper crinkled under her grip. He stiffened at the sound. 

Shit right, he’s terrified of Wen Ruohan, crinkly paper equals angry. 

Granted, how does he know his sect leader isn’t freaking out or something? 

“Your golden core is healing, stable enough to not cause problems but your spiritual energy is unstable.” He coughed, “I recommend avoiding cultivation for the time being outside of meditating.” 

He emphasized the word ‘recommend.’ 

“Okay.*” Ani said.

A pause. The physician stared at her, brow crooked with question. 

“Okay?” Ani repeated. Did he not hear her? 

Multiple expressions shifted through his features too quickly for Ani to decipher. More silence. 

If you don’t say anything, how the hell am I to understand what you are confused about! Communicate dammit! 

The physician saluted her, “my apologies Sect Leader, I do not understand the meaning of the word you said.” 

Wait…

Oh. 

“I meant, very well. I was the one being unclear.” 

She did not see the expression on the man’s face because he was too busy bowing. But, the way he paused probably meant it wasn’t the expected response. 

He remained bowed. 

Ani waited for him to get up.

He didn’t.

What the fuck. 

His figure began to tremble. 

Is there a magic word?

 “You are dismissed.” Ani said. 

Seeing as the physician finally got up and only bowed briefly to “Wen Zhuliu” before leaving the room, then clearly he was waiting for her to dismiss him. 

Noted.  

Why would her mind conjure up a situation where the albeit English ‘okay’ was not understood, the ancient Chinese decor was the main component of her surroundings, and the kowtowing that she only seen in dramas? Though, it was very much within her brain’s personality to include the bit with the needle. Fuck needles. 

Some things she could explain through second hand knowledge from Grandmother and the media. Others she could not. It felt as if she truly had transmigrated into a different world. 

Meaning, I am dead. 

And I left Mom and A-Li all alone. 

Ani shook her head, shoving the thought away. 

No, it isn’t for certain. I could just be dreaming up a drama. Unconscious memory could play a role. Lucid dreaming while in coma. 

The reasoning felt flimsier than a single sheet of newspaper.  

Or rice paper considering they don’t really exist now in…whatever this was. 

“Does Sect Leader need anything?” Wen Zhuliu asked, his face not so much as twitching.

Ani stiffened. This Wen Zhuliu looks like someone who could see right through her soul – a soul that doesn’t belong in this body.  

Ya, there is no way this guy isn’t going to see I’m full of shit. 

She needed to get rid of him. Somehow.

“Tea. Being unconscious for several weeks makes one very deprived of tea.” 

That sounded so fucking cringe. 

If the alien-hunter Wen Zhuliu thought what she said was cringe (which it absolutely was), he didn’t show it. Somebody give this dude a raise, he clearly deserves one. 

He simply saluted and made his way after the physician. He paused, hand hesitating on the dark wooden slide. But seemingly dismissing whatever thought had occurred, he opened the door and left. 

That was weird. 

Ani was left alone in the bedroom once again. The noise from all the bustling and flying needles was replaced by relative silence – the only break was the occasional pitter patter of footsteps, servants rushing about most probably. 

Well then…

Whether or not the world she was in was a fabrication of her mind, walking into the situation blind was unwise. What she needed to do was map out what she remembered and figure out where to go from there. Ani removed an empty sheet of rice paper, long finger nails leaving little wrinkles. 

For a moment she considered writing in Chinese. But being in ‘enemy territory,’ writing in their tongue is a sure way to get found out. Nodding to herself, Ani looked for a writing utensil, eyes landing on the brushes. If there were brushes, ink had to be somewhere…

Yet there wasn’t a single container on the desk! Ani moved scrolls about, shifting past papers looking for the damn ink bottle- 

Her eyes landed on a stone with an indent and slope. Made of a metal, miniature dragons decorated the edges. They all surrounded a sun motif. Ani briefly glanced at the banner hanging over the door – very similar. 

It was an Ink stone. 

Which means there is an ink stick. 

“Thanks, Grandma,” Ani muttered to herself as she rubbed the just-found ink stick against the grinder. 

She grinned when she mixed in the water she found in a water jug near the bed. 

Ink! 

Ha! So she wasn’t screwed after all. Maybe she could make this world work for her, until she woke up that is. 

In English, she wrote the name ‘The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation” at the top of the page. 

Now, what do I remember from the novel? 

Wen Ruohan: Tyrant. Super powerful cultivator. Caused war because he is a prideful prick. Burned Lotus Pier. Killed by Jin Guangyao via head decapitation.

Didn’t he have children? 

Ani tapped her chin, flinching at the sharp nail that poked her. 

Again, stupid nails. Has this guy ever heard of a nail clipper?

Probably not since they weren’t invented yet. 

With that, a mental image of a greasy man flashed in her mind. One that was far too blurry to really pinpoint their features, but she could recollect clearly from the novel Wen Ruohan’s son, a greasy bitch of a man, Wen Chao. 

She groaned. 

Ugh, don’t tell me I have to deal with him too. 

Wen Chao: Greasy, asshole, entitled, death was- 

Memories of the novel resurfaced, a man with missing fingers, covered in bandages- 

-death by auto-cannibalism and torture. 

The man was disgusting. But even Ani thought that Wei Wuxian took it too far. 

Speaking of the main character, Ani wondered how old Wei Wuxian was now. The man in black Wen Zhuliu mentioned a discussion conference where Wen Ruohan collapsed, however it did not give the time frame nor any information outside of ‘war explicitly did not happen yet.’

Ani dunked her head onto the desk. 

Why can’t anything be straight forward? Is that too much to ask? 

The sudden coolness knocked her out of her thoughts. She lifted her head, only for something to drip into her eyes. She wiped her face with her white sleeve. Wet black ink tracks were left on pure white silk. 

“FUCK!” 

In her drama, she slammed her face right into the ink stone, staining her entire forehead in black as well as the surrounding documents. She could feel the ink dripping down her face. 

Where were those bandages I saw earlier…

There was a gentle knock at the door. 

FUCK. 

Ani scrambled for the bed. 

Except time was not on her side. The door opened and a servant wearing white with red trim walked on their knees in. Their eyes met. 

“Aieeee!” The servant screamed, before their eyes rolled back and they collapsed on the floor in an ugly flair of white robes. 

Ani stared with a slacken jaw at the dramatic servant,

“Am I that scary looking?”

No response, as expected from an unconscious person lying on the floor. 

Maybe I ought to help them somehow…

As Ani made a movement to approach the fallen servant, there was a crash, something akin to the sound of dish ware falling. In a flash of black,Wen Zhuliu rushed into the room, one hand aglow. His eyes widened as he looked around for an enemy, finally seeing Ani. 

If he faints, I’m calling it quits. 

Lucky for everyone involved, he did not faint. He blinked, then looked at his feet where the servant laid on the floor, limbs out in every cardinal direction. 

“Apparently ink is scary.” Ani remarked. She wiped her face, meeting only black that was sure to stain her skin for at least a week, “like a terrible face mask. Don’t tell me I need to shower.” 

“Shower- ” Wen Zhuliu stopped himself, “Is Sect Leader well?” 

Ani glanced at the desk. The ink stone was luckily intact, but ink dripped all over her memory paper, as well as some of the other documents. 

She looked back at the patient Wen Zhuliu, “I went to war with ink and lost.” 

Wen Zhuliu slowly nodded, as if he was listening to the weather report and not that his Sect Leader declared war on ink and lost spectacularly. The servants behind him had more colorful reactions.

Seriously, someone give this guy a raise. 

Wen Zhuliu confirmed the statement by turning at the servants, fixing them with a look that made them freeze. A glare? Or a stare of disappointed disapproval? They scrambled forward, kowtowed to Ani and began to traverse the room on their knees. 

Okay, that’s it! 

“Just get to your feet. It will kill your knees if you continue like this.” Ani said. 

The servants gawked. Even Wen Zhuliu’s eyes widened slightly. 

Wait, is it a thing for servants to walk on their knees? Did I fuck a customary thing up? 

There was no knee walking in dramas last time Ani checked, unless it was meant to underscore the ‘arrogant asshole villain.’ Granted, Emperors required a certain etiquette but she couldn’t recall if knee walking was a thing. Kowtowing yes, knee walking…she wasn’t so sure. 

One servant opened their mouth but another gave a not so subtle shove. 

“As you wish, Sect Leader,” all three of them saluted. 

If I wasn’t going to get weird reactions, I would have pointed out how creepy that was.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Wen Zhuliu silently handing her a wet towel. It appeared to be a blessing for everyone in the room as they had a moment, while Ani wiped her face, to compose themselves. 

Two servants waited, this time on their feet, as Ani finished wiping her face. The crinkle in one of their brows and the other looking away to cough was enough of a statement.

“I’m still covered in ink, aren’t I?” Ani grumbled, glaring at the white silk under robe, stained black. 

“Hair spray would do the trick…”

Except right. Mo Dao Zu Shi didn’t have hairspray because hello, ancient China! 

They did not respond. Merely standing and waiting. Expecting something. Ani was tempted to blame it on lack of communication but most probably they were ordered to keep their mouth shut and  awaiting for permission for..something. Aka being out of the loop was getting very annoying and at this point Ani wanted to scream. 

“Yes?” 

The servants eyed each other, faces looking more and more pallid by the second. 

Is there some unwritten rule I’m missing? Am I not supposed to ask them or something?

Most likely yes, she probably broke ten thousand unspoken rules in the past thirty seconds and it was a wonder that they haven’t raised an alarm. 

“Would Sect Leader like to be dressed?” They echoed. Because being creepy was clearly on the menu today. 

Ani was about to respond that she could dress herself, thanks, before taking a good look at their robes.

She had no idea how to put on cultivation robes. 

“Mmm” She agreed. 

Then immediately regretted it when after she was escorted to a divider, the servants began to undo the only piece of clothing she had on! 

Don’t look down. Don’t look down. 

For once in her life, the blessed gods and Super Girl have looked down at her and smiled. 

She was wearing pants. 

But even without looking down, she knew she was missing a particular body part most people of the female sex had.  

The sensation of soft silk sliding off her body was replaced by a flash of chill from the room, sending goose bumps up and down her arms. 

As the servants shuffled around, opening and closing drawers, Wen Zhuliu knocked on the divider, 

“I have sent a servant to replace the mirror and tea.” 

Just like that? Wait, so the doctor nor Alien hunter even so much as acknowledged I shattered a mirror? 

Was this an everyday occurrence? Did Wen Ruohan go around smashing mirrors? 

Apparently so as the physician barely so much as glanced at it. Or maybe he didn’t notice and Wen Zhuliu just wasn’t the type to be ruffled. Probably. 

The servants slipped Ani into a new white silk robe. More unfamiliar fabric was placed on top – upper garment made of a thicker material but looked as high in quality: white with red trimmings and floral motifs. 

The last time she really seen anything similar to the articles of clothing they were dressing her in was when she went to a museum with her grandmother and brother. 

To secure the upper garment, they had to wrap it all around her torso. Never had Ani owned a clothing that required any sort of wrapping. 

The wrinkle of the unfamiliar fabric was the only noise she could hear as they put on another robe, this time with an open chest but still wrapped around her waist. 

No way she could have thought of this. Imagination nor repressed memory. 

There was a tug at her scalp. A servant was using a golden comb to detangle her waist long hair. Ani found herself very aware of how heavy the raven locks were. At least her neck was warm. . There was an occasional pull as the comb got stuck on a particular knot,  pinching her scalp. 

There were too many sensations. 

The environment, the precision, the reactions, the actions, the dialect. Even if she were to watch every drama in the world, and read all the books pertaining the ‘ancient Chinese’ setting, her mind couldn’t possibly manifest it all as some coma dream.

Too many details. 

Too many sensations. 

Her heart began to pound in her chest, so hard it was deafening. Fingers trembled. 

That would mean…

We’ve finished Sect Leader.” They bowed. 

Ani nodded, too numb to reply. Slowly, every muscle in her body screaming at her to not do it, she turned to the only other reflective surface in the room. A ceramic vase sat on the table by the bed. It distorted her figure – but she could locate her face, that’s all what mattered. 

“This is real.” She whispered. 

Wen Ruohan’s mouth mirrored her words. 

The vase exploded. 

——————————

The physician was practically carted in with tools and all, at Wen Zhuliu’s orders. He never raised his voice above indoor-level, like a good kindergartner, even as he shoved the divider to the side as if he half expected an enemy to be hiding behind there. 

The physician looked even more frazzled, all his dark hair sticking out of his bun and eyes wide with panic. He grabbed Ani’s wrist as her other one was being held by Wen Zhuliu. 

The similar prickling sensation swept up her arm into her stomach that flared with a comforting heat, like an internal battery. A golden core. 

This is real. I’m not in a coma. This is real. 

Like a mantra, the words repeated in her mind in a constant loop. Over and over. 

This is real. I’m dead. This is real. 

The physician stared at her arm with an intensity she hadn’t seen previously: his dark eyes hardened, akin to bronze. He was watching something, looking at her arm as if he could see into it. 

A sudden flash of pain had Ani nearly cry out. She bit her lip until copper filled her mouth. The physician barked several orders, but Ani couldn’t understand a word. 

This is real. I died. I left A-Li all alone- 

The voices were louder now. Like a haze, a pair of glasses that were the wrong prescription placed over her eyes. 

I died. This is real. I died. I failed. 

You are pathetic. Another voice replied. Not her own. 

Like a switch, the swimming in her vision ended. She was sitting on the bed with the physician on her left and Wen Zhuliu on her right. They both had similar expressions of alarm, though in varying degrees: one with eyes wide enough to pluck them out, while the other showed concern with a very clenched jaw that probably would lead to a headache. 

The physician let out a breath he was holding. 

Ani wanted to speak but her throat closed, copper was the only thing she could taste. Blood. She felt it pass by her lips. The physician handed her a cloth to dab it. Maroon smeared against the white of the cloth. Did she bite her lip that hard? 

There were others in the room. Unfamiliar faces. Some held boxes filled with needles, yikes!, others holding other assorted objects that Ani couldn’t find it in her to bother placing. 

What the fuck happened? 

A Gordian knot of anxiety bounced around inside her, as if Wen Ruohan’s body was a hockey board. 

The physician cleared his throat, waving at his assistants to leave. When they were left alone, his eyes narrowed, a single crooked brow.

“Physician Wen.” Wen Zhuliu asked, getting to his feet, slipping his arms behind his back, “you said Sect Leader Wen’s core was stable.” It was said softly but goose bumps rose up and down Ani’s arms. Something, a much harder core was hiding behind a veneer of mildness. 

The physician rubbed his face, groaning into his hands. 

“It supposed to be. Now it is. It wasn’t then.” 

Wen Zhuliu narrowed his eyes, “Physician-“ 

“No. It-“ The doctor hesitated. 

Ani sighed. Whatever underlying conversation the two of them were having could be done outside of this room. Currently, she wanted them to stop prodding at her like she was a frog in a biology 101 lab and leave her alone so she can woe in peace. 

“Diagnosis?” She interrupted. 

The physician balked, straightening up, “Well..Sect Leader Wen…” he wrung his hands. 

Unlucky for him, Ani wasn’t in the mood to play beat-around-the-bush. Right now she was a mixture of pent up rage, sadness, and every feeling that usually premeditated murder. 

“Just spit it out.” She snapped. Then flinched at her tone. 

Too much.

It appeared that the universe agreed because the box of needles left beside the physician when the assistants left popped, wood and silver hell-needles rolled and bounced all over the room. 

Ani stared at the mess before looking back at the physician. She gave him her best ‘really?!’ look – a combination of a frown and narrowing of eyes that usually had A-Li stopping whatever he was doing and clean up as he was supposed to.

She wasn’t going to see him again. 

There was a loud crack behind her. Something else broke. They all turned around to find a pillar with a huge angry crack on it. 

“Are we going to sit here until everything in this room turns into dust or are you going to tell me what’s going on.” Ani finally said. She pointed at the broken box. At the pieces of vase. And then at the pillar,“next thing we’ll know is the victim will be a person.” 

The physician sighed, “This physician begs Sect Leader Wen’s patience. I suspect the answer will not be a pleasant one.”

Yes and keeping me in the dark is a better idea because I’m certainly not freaking out about the exploding objects that could kill someone at some point. 

“Does it have to do with Sect Leader Wen’s core?” Wen Zhuliu asked. There was a slight raise in tone with the last word.

What was his obsession with Wen Ruohan’s core? 

The physician ran a hand through hair that managed to get out of his bun, an eternal mood if Ani wasn’t currently on the cusp of throwing something at him. The anger issues would be concerning if not for the fact that no one tells her anything. 

He looked Ani in the eye before replying, “I believe that the spiritual energy fluctuations that are affecting the stability of your core and the environment is a combination of your cultivation level and…” he frowned. 

For fuck’s sake just say it! 

“…emotional outbursts. Anything that causes Sect Leader distress are potential triggers. The only thing that baffles me is why.” 

Well I’m sorry doctor, but realizing I died, and was somehow placed into a body of some monster who was gonna die in the future in a world I am absolutely not familiar with – I think I have the right to freak out a little!!!! 

“Cool.” 

The physician and Wen Zhuliu stared at her in confusion.

Instead of saying everything Ani thought of him, she held her tongue and stared back. 

“I’m sorry, I did not understand what you said, Sect Leader.” 

 Ani frowned. Then it occurred to her that a) she said the word in English and b)they most probably did not have the word cool in their vocabulary in the way it is used back at home. Right. Great. Just great. She’s fine. Totally fine. This is fine. 

 The physician fell to his knees, “I beg for your forgiveness, Sect Leader. I must have misheard you.”

She stared at the physician. 

“It’s fine.” Ani said immediately, shame clutching her chest. 

Wen Ruohan probably threw tantrums for less – like a two year old with the code to nukes. His trepidation around me shouldn’t be this surprising. 

Another thing to add to her ever-growing list of bullshit-to-deal-with.

The doctor looked so close to sighing in relief. Wen Zhuliu quirked a brow at her. 

Wait…was that too out of character? 

TIME TO CHANGE CONVERSATION! 

“Do you have any recommendations to what needs to be done to prevent…such flares.” Ani continued. 

The physician straightened, his hand raising to his chin. A tick her father and A-Li had when they were deep in thought. 

“I will make some tonics. My theory is your body hasn’t recovered yet, the Qi isn’t balanced,” he paused, watching Ani. Gauging a reaction. Not that she could blame him. 

Seeing as Ani wasn’t about to stab him, he continued. 

“Meditation and regulation of negative emotion should help keep the outbursts to a minimum. I ask you to give some time before returning to the training field, at least a week.”

Ani nodded as if she understood. She didn’t understand a word – there was a reason why she failed a Mindfulness course. 

The physician saluted. It took a moment for her to remember that she needed to dismiss him for the man to actually leave. Wen Zhuliu did the same. As he followed the physician out, servants shuffled in, kowtowing and getting on their knees. Their expressions very vocal of their surprise when Ani told them not to do it. The creepiness factor only increased when they replied, “As Sect Leader commands,” in a chorus. 

Ani remained seated, all too aware of the bodies moving about. The fabric of their white and red robes shifting felt like A-Li’s personalized alarm which often times consisting of pots and pans clashing while hollering at the top of his lungs. 

She needed to get out. 

The servants bowed to her as she headed towards the door near the desk.

Maybe this door leads somewhere more private? 

As she pulled open the floral dark wood door, bright light nearly blinded her, followed by a sweet odor. Ani forced open one eye and her jaw dropped. 

A garden surrounding an expansive pond greeted her. She stood at the terrace, looking at the green bushes surrounding the red painted steps with yellow blooms, and onward was a stone path that meandered around the pond covered in lily pads. Smoke trees casted purple reflections into the still water. Dragonflies kissed the occasional leaf and zipped into the air. 

It was a miniature botanical garden. 

The last time she really been to a botanical garden was with her Grandmother and Mother in Beijing. The memory has long since faded with age.

Luckily for Ani, a pair of white shoes awaited her by the door. They slipped on easily. Back home, shoes had rubber souls, while these ones definitely felt bumpy, like the shoe was made entirely of tiny soft pebbles. 

Rubber is too underrated. 

Ani looked at different blooms as she walked on the stone path. Some she could name, like the white peonies supported by wooden sticks near the terrace, and irises by the water. The other flowers were foreign to her, but she appreciated the variety of colors, all smelling sweet when she leaned over them. 

A shadowed spot caught her eye. Beneath a tree, probably some breed of oak, overlooked the pond and the entrance from which she came. Ani sat by the water, using the heavy robes to keep the grass from scratching her legs. The water was still, only wrinkled by the occasional dragonfly and koi fish that swam to the surface. 

As she scooted closer, white fabric now stained lightly with green revealed itself. Ani sighed. She just was dressed. To give the servants more work…

-they only followed out of fear. Fear of abuse. Fear that Wen Ruohan would hurt their families if they so much as stepped wrong. 

Something vile crawled up her throat. Vile, sour, and disgusting. She clenched her fists until her knuckles turned white. 

 I won’t stand for this.

 Even if it was a dream- 

No it isn’t. 

It wasn’t a dream. It was real. Somehow, against all laws of logic and possibility, she had woken up in a world that lay in the pages of a book she happened to be reading. 

It’s too much of a coincidence. Why here? Why this?

Ani reached out to the water, brushing the surface with her nails. It felt like water, wet and cool to the touch. Like the water at home. But not freezing, meaning it was spring. 

It was spring back home. 

Spring when she fell out of that window. Spring when she fell eight stories. Spring when her body plunged into concrete. 

No one could possibly survive that. 

Her physical body, in the realm she was from, was dead. 

I died.

I am dead.

Her vision swam. The deep blue of the pond mixed with the bright green of the lily pads into a sea of color. Her body trembled, hands shaking so much that even while her eyes swam with tears, she could see them move. 

I died falling out a window. 

I died before giving A-Li a kiss. 

He turned thirteen. 

I promised I would be there. 

I made him meringues. 

Ani clutched her hands together, nails digging into pale calloused skin. 

I didn’t get a chance to clear my name.

Mother and A-Li will think I failed.

I failed them. 

Her thoughts were disrupted by the fierce wind that spun through her hair. Waves disturbed the mirror like surface of the pond. 

STOP. 

STOP THIS ANI! 

Ani took in a deep breath, and held it. If she spiraled out of control now, there was no one around to help. 

“Deep breathes. Deep breathes Ani.” She muttered to herself. 

The wind around her calmed, and the waves became ripples that then dispersed. 

She was here, in a land that was universally different from her home. Here in the body of Wen Ruohan in the world of Mo Dao Zu Shi. 

Did he die as well? 

Wasn’t this his sect? Monster or no? 

Wasn’t this the home of his family? 

Even if right now at this very moment, she wasn’t at home; she wasn’t with her family celebrating her little brother’s birthday; if she truly has taken over the body of a man who is now dead; she couldn’t simply abandon them. She was now responsible for an entire sect. Full of people. 

 Tears managed to escape, gently streaking down her cheeks. She wiped them away with her sleeve. 

I want to go home. 

I want A-Li.

I want Mother. 

I want my body back.

I don’t want to be alone. 

I never asked for this. 

Ani clutched the silk fabric, just where the heart should be. If she closed her eyes, she could feel her grandmother’s hand over it… 

“Ani,” Her grandmother sat beside her as she wept, pulling the young child close. 

Ani glanced up through tear reddened eyes, sniffing uselessly as snot trickled out of her nose. 

“Ani, Ani, it is life.” Her grandmother held her close in an embrace and rocked back and forth. 

“Grandmother…” Ani’s voice trembled, “why aren’t you crying?” 

Her grandmother, eyes glittered like black sapphires, held her face in her wrinkly hands, soft to the touch. “Oh Ani, but I am. I will continue to cry until the day I am buried beside Grandfather.” 

Ani blinked, her young mind confused. “But why aren’t there tears?” She slowly raised her hands and touched her grandmother’s aged cheek. It was wet. 

“Oh, Ani.” Her grandmother pulled her into an embrace. 

Ani only sobbed harder, “But…but you will be all alone.”

Her hair was combed by gentle wise hands, “ Ani.” Her grandmother said again, “ I am not alone. I have you. I have my daughter and your father. I have your little brother. I also have Grandfather.” 

Ani looked up in confusion. 

Her grandmother placed a hand over her heart. “He is here. In my memories and in my heart.” She gently pointed at Ani’s heart as well, “And in you too. When my physical body leaves this world, my spirit will reside in here. You are never alone Ani.” 

 Ani clutched at the robes that wrapped around her new, unfamiliar body. It hurt. Like a sword had been plunged into her chest, removed, and plunged in again. 

Tears leaked down her cheeks. She wiped them away with her sleeve. 

Right now, she was in the body of a villain destined to die. The patriarch of the Wen Sect. 

While she sat here and cried, war could be at their doorstep. If nothing was done, her head would be placed on a pike. 

If destiny truly dictated that she was to wake up in a body not her own, then she was blessed to read the book beforehand. 

She had the knowledge to stop it. 

#wen ruohan #wen sect #wen zhuliu #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #I tried to look for knee walking cuz I recall that’s what servants did with WRH but not other sect leaders (ala wiki) but wanted to make sur #GiveWenZhuliuaRaise #I was gonna have Ani remark how clearly either Wen Ruohan was a bottom or never once fingered someone in his life but decided against it #my fanfiction #My writing

[jellylollie]

Astrid’s Road To Becoming A Helpless Mary Sue

Before I start, I just wanted to say that I love Astrid as a character, and this is coming from a place where I fell out of love with writing her but am still trying to figure out how to properly portray her in my stories.

We are introduced to Astrid as the badass girl Hiccup, our talking fishbone protagonist, has a crush on. There’s also the name bias playing a role from the get-go: While most of the characters have hideous names, here we have Astrid, whose name means something like “beautiful goddess”. The movie tells us from the very first scene that Astrid is different from the others, and Hiccup can’t help but fall in love with her. I mean, honestly, who wouldn’t fall in love with her?

Her first line is “No turning back.” during dragon training. Astrid is a strong, confident, fierce leader–the complete opposite of Hiccup. She’s a warrior with a strong sense of duty who works hard and hides her true self behind a cold exterior. Astrid is arrogant, prideful, and even mean at Hiccup’s half-assed training attempts. I do, however, think that she cares about Hiccup (she’s the first to notice that Hiccup keeps disappearing and acting weird–well, weirder!). If circumstances were different, and they weren’t at war, they could probably naturally have become friends. BUT. She also takes a passive stand when the rest of the gang (and even the rest of Berk) bullies Hiccup. As they say, neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim.

Like any other Berkian, Astrid is prejudiced. Misguided. And stubborn. Everything changes when she has that beautiful “A whole new world” moment riding Toothless. She smiles for the first time; she’s amazed, and we have a glimpse of what she really looks like behind the strong and resolute warrior image. But I’m gonna say it right now: Astrid’s Mary Sue path is set in stone as soon as she hooks up with Hiccup. Which I will loosely call the “That’s for the kidnapping, and that’s for everything else” moment.

Now, Astrid is still her own person, her loyalties have just shifted from her tribe to Hiccup. That moment after they discover the nest, and she mocks him for wanting to protect his pet, Hiccup stands up to her for the first time. Hiccup mofo Haddock, Berk’s pariah, defies her. That’s when she realizes how serious he is. That’s when she starts to respect him. Astrid’s the first one to really trust him, and she chooses to trust him over everything she has known until that point. And that becomes the basis for a really strong and beautiful relationship. But it also makes Astrid’s main role to support the hero. Let’s not kid ourselves, our girl is no damsel in distress. Astrid is still the strong warrior we know she is. She saves Hiccup in the arena, putting herself in harm’s way, and even when he tries to get to Toothless, she stops him before things can get messier. She’s the one who holds him accountable and calls him out on his bullshit when he tries to escape his problems. She talks to him face to face. On the same level. As equals.

I’m a hardcore Hiccstrid shipper, but the more I thought about it, the more I saw Astrid as Hiccup’s prize for saving the world. “Too bad you lost your leg, but hey, at least you got the girl!”

And now the second movie.

Astrid is still the strongest Viking. She’s reliable, talented, and as badass as she was in the first movie. And that’s it. Don’t get me wrong, she still mocks him, she still calls out on his crap, she’s still Hiccup’s confidant and right hand, but Astrid’s main role is to chase after Hiccup. Like, literally.

Her only flaw (if it can be called one) is her unwavering loyalty to him. Because she trusts Hiccup so much, she becomes reckless and breaks rules if it means helping him. Even when she questions his choices or disagrees with them, she still rolls with it because she trusts Hiccup to always do (or try to do) the right thing. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

From a companionship perspective, their bond is commendable. Their trust for each other is very strong, they know what the other is thinking or feeling without needing words, and they are there for each other no matter the situation. They love each other with their hearts and souls. Their relationship is truly beautiful, I just wish we could see more of her than that.

The only part of the movie when Astrid acts on her own (sans Hiccup) is when she kidnaps Eret. There, we can see that she’s still a leader, and she’s still a feisty and sassy queen. Astrid makes it her mission to rescue those dragons from Drago, even when she realized that Hiccup was not captured by the enemy. That has everything to do with Astrid’s own morals and wanting to do what she sees as right.

Astrid knows her place. She’s Hiccup’s second in command, and she’s fine with it. Even after Valka comes back, she knows there is a line between what she can do as Hiccup’s closest ally and the presence of his mother. There are boundaries, and she knows where she stands. Like when Hiccup tries to stop Drago’s control on Toothless right after Stoick dies, Valka stops him just like Astrid did in the first movie.

Movie 3.

Yet again, Astrid is the only competent warrior (Valka being an exception) in the group. It really is beautiful to see how far Hiccup and Astrid’s teamwork has come. There’s a specific scene that’s very dear to me, and it’s when Hiccup is building Toothless’ tail and Astrid helps him. It’s very domestic and he doesn’t need to tell her what to do, she just knows and helps him because she’s still his number one supporter.

The third movie is pretty much a repetition of the other ones. Hiccup being insecure and not believing in himself, Astrid being his emotional support and confidant. They fly somewhere together and discover things that move the plot forward. They fight the World’s Greatest Dragon Master Bad Guy Of The Week. Movie makes us believe they are never gonna see their dragons again. Syke! Hiccup and Astrid get married and have cute babies. The end.

I’m not gonna analyze the specials or the TV series, because it’s been a while since I watched those, and ain’t nobody got time for that (writing this whole thing is already being a pain). Besides, the midquels came after the movies, and any character development we see in the series is reset when the next movie starts. I will give a shout out to some of the things I can remember off the top of my head though: Astrid befriending another alpha female (and plotting with her behind Hiccup’s back); Astrid still being prideful and stubborn; Astrid learning to work with the other riders, Snotlout in special. And also Ruffnut caring about her brother just because.

I still think Astrid is a flawed character, and I still think she has her own personality and exists beyond the “trophy wife” category. But I wish we could’ve seen more of her than just that.

The only thing Astrid doesn’t do that saves her from being a complete Mary Sue is that she doesn’t overshadow Hiccup. The How To Train Your Dragon franchise is very much Hiccup and Toothless’ adventures. Minor characters not having any depth can also be attributed to that fact. And I get it. Limited screen time and all that, minor plots must meet the chopping board. I just wish DreamWorks didn’t do her dirty like that. Did you know that none of the movies pass the Bechdel-Wallace test?

Anyway, if you disagree with me or have anything to add, please do so. I really do love Astrid and all I want is to do her character justice.

#me #ramblings #astrid hofferson #how to train your dragon #writing backstage #httyd meta #how to train your dragon meta

[fiddle-styx]

abo jikook dynamics

i was an omega!jimin fan, then all for that sub!kookie and now i’m somewhere in between so enjoy a mix here!

power struggle by astrochild | 3k, 1chp it wasn’t a secret to anybody that jungkook hated the pack’s annual fight for some change in hierarchy. much less park jimin.

Reckless by Little_Dimples | 17k, 5chp Mistakes were bound to happen when you have an unmated omega and a young alpha in one group. It just so happens that Jimin and Jungkook accidentally mate one another which they really don't want too but the bond is set for eternity and the first weeks are the worst. They can't step out of their mating range and if they don't touch one another one of them is bound to get hurt. They need to find a solution to this and they need one now.

What You Need by jonghyunslisterine | 8k, 1chp Jimin's heat hits him early, and it's because Jungkook gets into a fight.

Promises by usaginoona | 8k, 1chp Jungkook is so utterly, unbelievably, incomparably in love. They’ve talked about this for months. Talked about life plans, and their future together. They bought a new house with an extra bedroom and a yard, moved out of their old apartment. Jungkook set up a new savings account, and Jimin picked up some extra hours to help prepare.

Mine, and his by Rose_gold715 | 60k, 5 works

Fxxk It (Fxxk Me) by Chimchimery | 3k, 1chp Most people couldn’t believe that Park Jimin wasn’t an Omega, and Jungkook couldn’t help but agree sometimes, just because of how beautiful and sweet and non-Alpha he seemed.

But when his mate went into rut, Jungkook saw the raw and pure Alpha in his sweet little Jimin show through.

“A-ah, oh fu-fuck Jimin…” Jungkook groaned out, gripping the silken sheets underneath him with enough force to tear them in half, body bent over the bed as he shook.

The Jeon Pack by NaHe | 70k, 12chp Jungkook's pack had survived centuries in the cold unforgiving forest. They followed strict traditions and laws to ensure their survival against nature and rival packs. Soon the responsibility of leading the pack would fall on his shoulders but before assuming the position of head alpha, he needed to choose an omega mate. The problem was that Jungkook was in love with an omega that hated his guts.

sunlight through the curtains by newbensolo | 5k, 1chp jungkook misses jimin until he comes home, then he shows him how much he missed him.

But I Hate Seeing Your Pretty Body Go To Waste by wormsteinVEVO | 4k, 1chp The thin lace of his panties felt harsh against the material of Jungkook’s jeans, but he didn’t care as long as long as his little cock was getting the relief it wanted. “Please,” he whimpered again.

Jungkook tsked and gripped Jimin’s hips, effectively immobilizing the smaller. “No, prince. Use your words or you’re not getting anything,” Jungkook said, ignoring his mate’s small sounds of protest.

Jimin’s lower lip wobbled and tears filled his eyes. “Alpha, please. Hurts. Please touch me.”

Who Knew that We Were Fools by Masquerada | 19k, 1chp Jungkook endangers his life to pretend that he isn't an omega. His life calls bullshit, and only Jimin can fix it.

til kingdom come by fatal (cumrich) | 3k, 1chp four months in and jimin still doesn't feel like he has a handle on this whole parenting thing. it doesn't help that jeongguk, as always, seems to be a natural.

花樣年華; when in bloom by chimout | 24k, 7chp He still remembers the conversation he shared with Namjoon at the side of the courtyard, hidden beneath the cherry blossoms and drenched in the shadows. They sat together for so long, Namjoon’s deep tremors voicing fears Jeongguk never knew he had.

Jeongguk left with five thoughts that haunt his mind still:

Though a myth, the existence of “true mates” does stem from the real but rare occurrence of two individuals experiencing heightened sensations during their first encounter.

The Grand Prince of Hyeneung is not Namjoon’s true mate. But Namjoon likes him enough, and both royal courts supposed that would suffice.

Nobody asked if the grand prince was fine with the arrangement.

But Jeongguk’s alpha is clearly not. And Jeongguk wants to offer an alternative, another form of alliance between Hyeneung and Gwawon through a different mating, but that option will be shot down immediately.

Because even though they are true mates, Jeongguk is merely the bastard prince of Gwawon.

sew your heart to my sleeve by graesun | 8k, 1 work in which alpha!jimin and omega!jungkook are mates for life

hope you're waiting at the end by petrichorian | 5k, 1chp It dawns on Jimin like a bucket of cold water. The unusually strong scent, Jeongguk’s nesting on the bed, his frail voice as he lays there like he’s in pain… Jeongguk’s in heat.

(I Bloom) Just For You by Charmander | 10k, 1chp He’s awe-inspiring, lost in the music, his smile brighter than the strobe lights. Jimin aches to join him, to snake his arms around him and hold him close as they dance together.

Instead, Jimin wraps a hand around his colorful drink again, abandoning the straw and tipping his head back to chug what remains. There are already at least three alphas vying for his best friend’s attention tonight. What chance does he have?

or

Jimin’s been in love with his best friend, Jungkook, for as long as they’ve known each other, but he knows Jungkook will never feel the same. Jungkook is out to prove him wrong when his heat starts and Jimin is the only one around to help him.

cinnamon and flame. by plutogcf | 1k, 1chp jimin and jungkook are newly mated boyfriends.

Bite Me To Show Me You Love Me by Luna242 | 2k, 1chp Slowly and gently, he bit down into the soft neck beneath him without breaking skin or eye contact with the Seventeen leader. He had to make a point.

Jungkook was his.

Jungkook whimpered and whined in his grip before a low growl sent vibrations straight through the omega and in an instant he went pliant in his arms.

Or Jungkook gets surrounded by alphas not from his pack and panics.

Infinite Arms by rebus | 9k, 1chp "There's a wolf at the edge of the forest."

It's a rare occurrence when a wolf shows up unannounced, often, it's unwelcome; but it's been a long time since the pack alpha has had to kill, and he doesn't wish to change that tonight.

"It's strange...the scent is."

You're Mated? by sammich_dominos | 6k, 1chp What's Jimin supposed to say when his friends find out that he isn't the single Omega they thought he was, that he's actually been mated for longer than he's know them, and what's their obsession with idol Jeon Jungkook?

undeserving by honeybriar | 11k, 1chp “jeongguk-ah,” says jimin, and there’s a tremble in his voice, too. “jeongguk-ah, baby. i want to help you. please let me help you.” jeongguk sniffs, letting out another sob because that’s worse, that’s worse—he made jimin feel like he wasn’t needed, wasn’t wanted. jeongguk said he didn’t need help, so why is jimin offering it? “i can’t help you if you don’t talk to me, though. if you don’t wanna open the door, that’s okay. but i need you to talk to me.”

“no,” jeongguk finally mumbles.

“what do you mean, no?”

“no,” repeats jeongguk, louder now. “i want you to go away.” it’s hardly the first time jimin has been present for one of jeongguk’s emotional breakdowns. they’ve seen each other cry enough times over the years to hardly be phased by it—and jeongguk knows that jimin knows better than anyone how to take care of him. how to make it better. but jeongguk still believes he deserves to suffer alone.

(or: jeongguk has a bad day at school. jimin makes it better.)

Beta Representations by minarenny | 3k, 1chp “Kookie,” Jimin says quietly. “I would never, ever be disappointed in you for what you present as. And I promised you could spend my heats with me once you presented, so as long as you still want to, you can. As for being knotted—I’ve got toys that simulate that just fine, you know. I’d rather...do other things.”

“Other things?” Jungkook wrinkles his nose, trying to dispel the thought of Jimin fucking himself with a toy, face flushed and lips parting in a moan as it knots him—

“Like fuck you, for instance.”

A Christmas Miracle by softjungoo | 1k, 1chp He covers his mouth in shock, tears glistening in his doe eyes. After almost 3 years of trying - 3 years of doctors, family members, and friends telling them its hopeless - it's finally happening. Or, Jungkook gives Jimin the best Christmas gift ever

blossom and sandalwood by namakemono | 1k, 1chp Every ten years, the head alphas of the eastern and southern packs meet to renew their peace treaty.

bonus: sugamonhopekook

skin show by eyeliner | 39k, 3chp two's company. three's a crowd. four is, well.

bonus: ot7

Rain and Raspberries by iamnotokpop | 4k, 1chp Jungkook loves berries. (And maybe a few other things too).

#smut #so much smut #but i mean #what can you expect from abo dynamics #abo #alpha beta omega #ao3 #fluff #angst #mpreg #jikook #kookmin #jimin #jungkook #busan boys #busan boyfriends #bts #bangtan #domestic fluff #soft boys #hurt/comfort #college/university au #alpha jungkook #alpha jeon jungkook #alpha jimin #alpha park jimin #omega jungkook #omega jeon jungkook #omega jimin #omega park jimin

[the-unholy-typewriter]

Summoning

an: my first post on this account! this was supposed to be Titans!JasonxReader but if it turned more into a meet the team story (feat. me being in love with Kori but what else is new)

You were getting kinda tired of waking up in a pentagram made of blood but at least you got to meet the cute new Robin because of it.

warnings: bad language, blood, implied death, explosions

words: 1076

Waking up in a summoning circle made of blood was weird. The guy calling you a chaos god was even weirder. What you found more concerning, though, was how exactly you were going to keep the blood from staining your favorite pajamas. Honestly you were kinda tired of being summoned by a wacko at this point.

You obviously weren't a normal human. You'd surmised that much the second time you'd woken up in a bloody pentagram. I mean there was the whole magic thing as well but with the world that you lived in magic users weren't that uncommon. Waking up in the middle of the night in a pentagram of blood, however, was weird even for a world where aliens and gods existed.

You sat up so that you were casually leaning back, trying to ignore the feeling on the half dried blood between your fingers and hoping that it wasn't human. You turned to the wacko who'd summoned you, finding that it was the same guy who'd done it the other four times and let out a very frustrated, "What the fuck, man?"

"Why are you here?" The guy asked, his voice as annoying as it always was.

You threw you hands up in the air, belying your frustration and completely ruining any illusion of coolness, "You're the one who summoned me. Again."

The guy opened his mouth to say something but whatever it was was cut off by the sound of a nearby building exploding. You quickly raised you arms, creating a barrier to protect yourself from the residuals of the blast. You watched from the corner of you eyes as the guy that summoned made his way to the door of the rooftop and quickly disappeared from sight, leaving you alone with what was left of his rituals. Today was a little to eventful for a Sunday in your opinion.

“What the fuck is going on here?” a voice called from behind you.

You turned to see the boy wonder stading behind you, surveying the scene that was in front oof him. He clearly had something to do with the explosion and you assumed that he had just taken care of whatever was going because he appeared mildly disheveled. You shifted to face him but still didn’t make a move to get up off the ground, “Does Batman approve of you using language like that?”

“I think the swear jar takes a backseat to the bloody pentagram. Now, what is going on here?” He rolled his eyes, clearly unimpressed with you attitude.

You shrugged, once again leaning back where you were sitting, “Some wack-job keeps summoning me instead of his chaos god by accident.”

He frowned, “Yeah that didn’t clear up anything.”

“Because this whole situation really doesn’t make sense and I’m getting really tired of having to wash blood out of clothes,” you responded, going to run your hand through your hair before remembering that it was currently covered in sticky blood from an unknown source. You jusst really wanted to go home and take a shower at this point.

“Okay… this is a new one for me… hold on for a sec while I make a call,” He turned away from you with a hand pressed to his ear before you could even respond.

You shrugged, “Yeah, sure. Not like I’ve got anywhere else to be on this miserable Sunday morning. I’ll just continue to sit here in the bloody sigil like its not weird or anything while you catch up with your buddy. I’ll wait.”

Robin ignored your ranting as he spoke into his comm in a hushed tone. After a few minutes he turned back to you, walking over and dragging you up by your arm, “Come on, I know someone that knows a little about this type of stuff, they might can help you.”

“Yeah okay, stranger. Lead me to meet your mysterious friend with knowledge of magic bullshit. This isn’t sketch at all,” You muttered as you reluctantly followed the new boy wonder.

He paused, “Aren’t you a magic user?”

“Doesn’t mean its not bullshit.”

He rolled his eyes before wrapping his one arm around you waist, the other pulling a grappling gun out of its holster, “Hold on tight, Hocus Pocus.”

Before you had the chance to protest he released the line and you found yourself grappling across the rooftops of San Francisco and desperately holding onto the bastard that your life now depended on. If his smirk was any indication, he was enjoying having taken you off guard and you wanted so badly to wipe tha look off of his face but you also didn’t want to die so you vowed to murder him as soon as you were on stable ground again.

He finally let you go when you handed on the roof of a particularly tall building and took advantage of the few seconds it took for you to regain your senses to make it to the roof door, calling out behind him, “Hurry up, they’re already waiting for you.”

You huffed before stomping behind the vigilante, wondering when you were gonna get to change out of your bloody pajamas. You followed him down several floors before he opened a door and entered into what seemed to be a living area of sorts. You noticed a small group of people gathered in the area and when you entered the most gorgeous woman you had ever seen and some guy who looked to be in his twenties stood up and looked at you and Robin.

The boy wonder grinned over to the group before gesturing to you with a bit of dramatics, “I found a new weirdo for your club.”

“Wait I thought we were meeting someone who knows how to help me, not joining the discount breakfast club,” You crossed your arms over your chest as you turned to the guy that had dragged you here in the first place.

“They can help, this is like the breakfast club for freaks like you… no offense,” He smiled awkwardly while avoid eye contact with the other four in the room.

“Can you really help me?” You asked, the waver in you voice revealing you insecurity for the first time.

“We can try, if you let,” The man standing in front of you said as he took a step closer.

You shrugged, “Okay, why not, its not like I have anything else going on.”

#titans #dc titans #titans jason todd #jason todd #robin #jason todd x reader #titans dick grayson #dick grayson #nightwing #titans kory anders #kory anders #koriand'r #starfire #red hood

[msjr0119]

One Temptation

Part 7

*This series is based on The Royal Romance characters who belong to Pixelberry - AU Plot switch*

Riley Brooks moves back to New York after leaving five years prior- struggling to get by in life she wanted to go home. After getting mugged, a woman and man come to her rescue and offer her a job at their strip club. A rich business man Liam Rhys is forced to visit the club as part of his bachelor party. What will happen that night?

Warnings: Swearing 🤬 , Smut 🍋😔, rape 😭

Tags-if you want to be removed let me know 😊: @annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bbrandy2002 @butindeed @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @pedudley @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @whenyourheartskipsabeat @jovialyouthmusic @nz1091 @yukinagato2012 @indiacater @seriouslybadchoices @rainbowsinthestorm @cordonianroyalty @dcbbw @qammh-blog @beardedoafdonutwagon @jared2612 @princess-geek @desiree-0816 @kaitycole

******

“How very touching Drake. Didn’t know you had it in you.”

“What do you want Liam?” Riley snapped at him.

“Oh don’t stop on my account. Go on Drake... do carry on. Do you want to go on a date with him Riley?”

“What I do with my life is none of your business! Drake, I’d love to go on a date with you.” Placing her hand into his, she looked up at him and smiled. “I better head back, I’m due at work soon.”

“Yes you’re due to degrade yourself yet again. What does a vet see in a stripper, I’ll never know.” He’s a vet?

“What does a rich man see in a ‘stripper’- I don’t dance or strip Liam, I work in the bar- so get your facts right.”

“Because I know what you are capable of. You always wanted to be a teacher, but you was a brilliant PA.”

“Life doesn’t always go to plan. You of all people should know that! Drake text me to arrange a date. I’m looking forward to it.” Kissing him on the cheek, she scowled at Liam as she walked away.

“It won’t last Drake. She will realise that you aren’t the one.”

“Oh Liam. Get over yourself. She doesn’t love you anymore.”

“But you believe that she will fall in love with you?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. At least I got her pregnant, something you will never do. See ya around BUDDY.” Emphasising the word buddy, he knew what he said was out of line - but enjoyed witnessing Liam’s face drop. Liam grit his teeth, pulling out his phone his dialled a number- hoping that google provided him with the correct number.

“Hello. Wildcats. Rita speaking.”

“Hi Rita. My name is Liam Rhys. I’m the one that caused trouble that night of my bachelor party.”

“Oh....Hello Mr Rhys. How may I help you?”

“Is it true what I’ve heard about the services you offer behind closed doors?”

“Yes it is. Why?”

“I will pay your club, $500k for me to use those services.”

“Of course Sir. I’ll organise it with my main girl Mercedes.”

“I am paying that much because I want a particular girl. Riley Brooks. I want her to have half the money or I’ll refuse to pay.”

“Sir, she doesn’t dance. She’s not comfortable doing what the other girls do, she’s our barmaid and waitress.”

“Do you want the money or not?” Rita remained silent for a bit, not knowing how to react to Liam’s now agressive tone of voice.

“I’ll organise it to be with Riley Sir. You have my word. When do you want to come?”

“Tonight.”

“Great. See you then Mr Rhys.”

Liam hung up smirking. This will put you off her Drake.

*****

Riley was saying her goodbyes to everyone- hugging savannah she faked a smile, not wanting to show everyone how she truly felt. Regret. Jealousy. Upset.

“Thank you for inviting me, but I have to go to work. I hope you have a good ending to your baby shower. When he’s born, I’ll come and see him- I’ll spoil him rotten.”

“Thanks Riley. If you ever need to talk just come over.” Riley knew what Savannah was referring to- before her eyes began to form tears, she quickly thought about how rubbish Bertrand was as a babysitter.

“I’ll come and babysit, Show Bertrand how to really babysit.”

“You’ll have to tell me the stories one day.” Savannah giggled to herself.

“It wasn’t my fault that you and Maxwell were nightmares to look after. Look after yourself Riley.” As she turned to leave, Drake arrived and pulled her to the side, urgency kissing her.

“What was that for?”

“A goodbye kiss. So now you know my secret about being a vet, you must know that I like animals. Rather than go on a date, how about you come to Texas for a long weekend with me- to my family ranch?”

“Really? You want to take me to your home?”

“Yes, really. It’ll get us away from all these morons. Arrange a weekend with your boss and we will go.”

“Okay. I’ll let you know when I get to work. I’m looking forward to it.”

“Good. I’ll ring you later.” Drake couldn’t wipe the smile off his face, as he watched her walk away.

*****

Riley nervously walked into the strip club, running up to her room- she quickly got a shower and dressed in her uniform. Hesitantly walking downstairs to the office, she knocked on the door. Opening it, Rita was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

“Wow Rita. Have you robbed a bank? Where’d you get all this money from?”

“A punter dropped it off before. He’s coming back later. Do you need me babe?”

“I was wondering if I could have next weekend off? Friday to Monday, I’ll be back to work Tuesday night. I know it’s only a weeks notice but I’d really appreciate it.”

“Sure baby. Have as much time off that you need.” Okay that was easy.

“Thank you so much.”

“No problem. Here have a drink. I’ve got a good feeling about tonight.” Rita smiled, she had placed drugs in the drink. When Liam dropped the money off he explained it would be hard to convince Riley and suggested this. Rita cared for her girls, but she cared more about money and the clubs reputation. Riley accepted the drink, and left the office.

Hey, Drake. She said I could have as much time off as I needed. Texas here we come 😊🙌🏼x

Hey! That’s great! I’ll let my mom know. You’ll love it x

I’m looking forward to it. I’ve never been to Texas before. Do Texan cowboys really exist? X

I can be a cowboy for you? 😉 x

Are you flirting with me Walker? X

Maybe? Once we are there I’ll take you on a romantic date. Have a good shift. I’ll ring you later 😘x

I’ll try. Talk later cowboy 🤠😉😘x

*****

Riley couldn’t concentrate at work, the usual punters were in- drooling over the girls. Watching the clock, she knew she had four hours left. Now knowing the days leading up to Texas would drag. She was unsure about what her relationship was with Drake. Could they get over the termination and be a sincere couple? She hoped so. Rita had kept providing her with drinks throughout the night, she became more and more drunk quickly.

Leaving the bar unattended, she needed to find Rita to ask for cover as she was feeling too ill to work- falling over, some strong arms picked her up and held her.

“Riley are you okay?”

“Li-Liam? Wha- what are you .... doing here?” She slurred, feeling worse now than she was thirty seconds prior.

“I thought I’d come and apologise for my behaviour before.”

“It’s fine.. just accept that myself and Drake could be more than friends. Please Li.” Liam noticed Rita and nodded at her, waving at him he carried Riley over to the secluded back room.

“Riley baby I’m so sorry I’ve done this to you- but he offered us a lot of money, you are keeping half of it.”

“Why are we in this room? I belong behind the fucking goddamn bar Rita!” Still feeling dizzy, Rita passed her some water encouraging her to drink it

“Not tonight baby. This is good for us all. You’ll thank me. He’s your ex so it should be easy. Just do the deed, do what he wants you to do. Remember you owe me, I have looked after you all these months.”

“NO!”

“Riley! Do as I say! Or you’ll have no roof over your head and no job!”

“Riley, this is the closure that I need. One last time with you. Please. And you’ll walk away with thousands of bucks.”

“I don’t want you. I don’t want your money. I’m not a prostitute Liam. All those years ago, all I wanted was for you to love me. Not hurt me. Rita can you leave us alone to talk please.”

“Sure. I’m so sorry Riley. But we need this money. Please don’t let me down.” Riley grimaced at her boss, if she threw her out and sacked her she had options. Moving back in with Maxwell. Sharing with Drake.

“Riley, I’ve never stopped loving you. I regret everything that I’ve done. If you want to be with Drake can’t I just have this last time with you?”

“No liam how many times? No! Do you know how many times I wanted to forgive you? To forget what happened? I slept with Leo for god sake just to have that slight bit of fun- to forget about you for a slight bit of time. Then I come back and find out you have a daughter. I am willing to be friends with you. But you keep pushing me further away.”

“Sleep with me. One last time. Then I will leave you alone. Or a drink? We can talk about the old days to get closure.”

“I’ll agree to the drink, then you get the hell out of here and never come back!”

“Deal.” Liam poured the drink, before adding the secret ingredient. I love you Riley, and I’m going to make you mine again.

“So... why did you never go back to school? Train as a teacher. I could see by drakes expression that you never told him about your dreams.”

“I’m too old now Liam. I’m getting by in life. That’s all that matters.”

“You’re never too old to learn. You’d make a fantastic teacher Riley. You should look into it.”

“Even if I wanted to I couldn’t afford it, I used my grans inheritance to pay off debts. My life has just been one rollercoaster since you did what you did.”

“I could have paid your debts off. You should have come back to me. I’ll pay for you to go back to school.”

“Thank you but no thanks.” Riley decided to drink from bottle in front of them, needing it before hearing anymore of Liam’s bullshit fake personality. Whilst tying her hair back, Liam added more of the drug into the bottle without her noticing. They remained in silence, Liam getting closer to her every second that went by. He noticed her become less defensive and fall into his arms.

“What .... does she have.... that I didn’t?”

“Who?”

“Mad- Madeleine.”

“Nothing Riley. You are worth so much more than she is. I was an idiot, I was thinking with my dick rather than my head and heart. We are having a charity event for the company in a couple of days. I’d like you to come, you did a lot for the company. I won’t tell Drake that you are attending.”

“Sure. Whatever. Is she better.... at sex than I am? Is she... better at oral? I...I can’t ... get my head... around why I ..lost you...”

“No. She was easy. I fucked her. With you I made love. I want you back Riley.”

“Li... no... I love Drake... Drake.. he was the father of our child.... I love him... not you...”

“Riley, you’re not going to remember this. But I have had it recording since we walked into this room just in case you don’t believe me.”

*****

Riley woke up the morning after, not knowing where she was. Her head was spinning, her mouth was dry. Scrutinising the room for clues, she still couldn’t distinguish where she was. Her vision was blurred, seeing her clothes on the floor she quickly got dressed. Just in time before someone walked through the door.

“Morning Belle.” Fuck!

“You look poorly. Have you got some plasters in your bag your arms hurt. I can put it on for you this time.” Riley was shaking uncontrollably, wondering how she ended up in Liam’s bed. “Belle? Do you want me to get daddy? He said you had a grown ups sleepover.”

“Alice, do you know where my phone is?”

“It’s on the table, daddy’s been looking after it.” Storming out of the room, Liam smirked at her- holding her phone out to her. Panicking that he had been checking through her phone she was grateful that she deleted previous texts from Drake.

Hey, I tried to ring but you’re obviously busy at work. I’ll talk tomorrow x

Yes it’s really busy. Sorry talk tomorrow. X

“What the fuck Liam? You text Drake?”

“Alice is here. Don’t swear. I could have told him what happened between us. But I didn’t- so you could say thank you.”

“What happened? How did I end up here?”

“Alice, go and get dressed please.”

“Yes daddy. Bye belle.”

“We talked about the past. I offered to pay your debts off. Feeling sentimental, we had both drank a lot. I asked you to come back here and you agreed. We slept together Ri. I had my closure. I have a video of us, if you want to see it.”

“You made a fucking porno??? Are you fucking insane???? Why won’t you leave me the fuck alone? I don’t even remember it!”

“I drugged you as did Rita. I needed to feel you one last time.” Riley didn’t give a shit if Alice was lingering in the shadows-

“How dare you drug me! Show me the video now!” You son of a bitch! I’m sending this to myself, then to the police.

Liam ripped Riley’s top off, after they shared a passionate forced kiss- he tossed it on to the floor before pulling her on to him. Her body was swaying, she was still slurring her words- but at this moment in time he didn’t care. Seeing her perky breasts in front of him it was tempting him more than ever even though he felt slightly guilty about drugging her to get what he wanted. “Li, I don’t... want... this.. I need... my bed... I love Drake.” When will she shut up about Drake, he thought angrily. Pressing his lips firmly against hers, the tip of his tongue reached out- sliding across her lips. “Drake...”

“I’m not fucking Drake, Riley. It’s Liam!”

“I wa-want Drake... I’m not well...” Liam needed to ignore the fact that she wasn’t in love with him anymore- rather than kiss her he devoured her. Forcing her to lay down on the chaise longue, he was now directly between her thighs grinding his erection against her. Liam moved his lips towards her neck; kissing, biting and sucking the skin. Riley tried to push him away- but was lacking energy, barely able to keep her eyes open. “I love you Ri. I always will do. I can’t let you go.”

“Please.... please Liam.”

“Please what? I’m hard for you Riley, I want you. Do you want me?”

“Please... please don’t...”

“You’ll enjoy it Ri, like the old days when I made you moan my name all night long.”

Moving her skirt up, his hands explored finally reaching the lacy thong. Pushing it to the side, his fingers rubbed her clit hard in circles. Sliding his fingers into her core, he pumped her deep- feeling her cum made him smirk. “That’s it baby, carry on and cum for me again.” Riley had passed out, taking the opportunity fumbled with his belt, removing his trousers and boxers just enough to free his immense hard on. Running his tip between her folds, he forced his penis inside of her- tilting her pelvis up to give him a better angle. Riley was in and out of consciousness, “are you enjoying it baby?” He asked as he pounded her. “Drake?”

“It’s me Liam, Drake isn’t here. It’s just you and I.”

“Get... get off me Liam.”

“Moan for me baby. You’re so wet.” Riley tried to push him away- but he was too forceful. Continuing to roll his hips, he knew he was due to cum- slowing down his movements, he growled as he exploded inside her. Resting his forehead on hers, he kissed her on hers whilst slowing down his breathing.

“Yes, so you raped me. How the fuck did we end up here?”

“I made love to you Riley. You are my true love. I carried you out to my limo. It brought us here. We had sex again. Then I cuddled you all night.” Riley’s skin crawled, she felt dirty and ashamed that she could trust people and allow this to happen to her.

“You fucking raped me you moron!”

“What’s rape daddy?” Riley turned around to Alice, bending down she looked in to the little girl’s eyes.

“Alice, I didn’t mean to use that word. Daddy and me were old friends. That word means we aren’t friends anymore. This ‘sleepover’ was a goodbye. Look after yourself little princess.”

“Okay. Bye belle. Daddy, my nanny is here. I’ll see you later.”

“Love you Princess.” Liam bent down and kissed his daughter goodbye. Riley waiting to hear the door close.

“Stay the fuck away from me Liam! Never touch me ever again.”

“You are still coming to the charity event aren’t you?”

“No I’m fucking not! Goodbye!”

“If you don’t come, I’ll tell Drake.”

“You wouldn’t dare tell him that you raped me.”

“No I’ll tell him that the slut of a girl he is in love with, threw herself at me. I’ll see you at the event.” The jokes on you Liam, I have the video on my phone- for evidence. Arsehole.

“Go fuck yourself!” Storming out the door, she didn’t know where to go. Her boss someone she thought she could trust gave more of a shit about money. Deciding to go to the strip club, she grabbed essential items- and booked herself in at a hotel.

*****

A couple of days later it was the charity event, Riley had spoken to Drake over text- but kept texts simple. She was still furious with Liam. Considering going to the police, she knew even with the video evidence that he would crawl out of it somehow- most likely using his money to bail him out.

Leo picked Riley up with Olivia. Feeling like a gooseberry, she did however feel grateful for them escorting her to the charity event.

“You look amazing Ri. Are you sure you want to go? I can use some lame excuse.” Riley smiled at Leo, taking a deep breath- she nodded her head.

Arriving at the venue, Liam’s eyes widened seeing the trio make their entrance- his gaze mainly focusing on Riley.

“Riley you look beautiful as always. I’ll get you a drink- follow me.” Riley hesitated, Leo noticed her reaction. Even though he was now in a relationship with Olivia, he still deeply cared for Riley and always would do- he would even defend her over his own flesh and blood.

“Oh little brother, you can buy us a drink too if you are feeling generous.”

“I’d appreciate a word alone with Riley if you don’t mind.”

“It’s fine Leo. Enjoy your night with Olivia.”

“If he hurts you or anything, ring me.” Leo whispered, knowing how his brothers personality had changed since Riley had returned to New York. Knowing that Drake hadn’t been invited to the event made her feel like a traitor. Hoping that Liam would just accept friendship and her support for his company was going to be hard to convince him.

“I’m glad you decided to come.” Accepting the drink off him, he noticed her hesitantly drink it.

“Well you did bribe me! I’m not doing this for you. I worked for this company- no matter what happened between us in the past I will support the company.”

“In the past? What about the other night?”

“You took advantage of me. Seeing my bosses eyes light up wafting your wallet around- of course she would agree to your arrangement. I don’t know who you are anymore Liam, money and power has changed you.”

“I’m still me.”

“No you’re not. If you ever loved me, you’d let me go. Let me live my life. Yet you believe you know what’s best for me.”

“Drake isn’t the one for you. You didn’t even know what he did for a living until the baby shower. I can look after you, Alice adores you- all she talks about is you. We can be that family that you always wanted. You can work for me, have your old job back. Please Ri.”

“No. I’m content at the strip club, when arseholes like you don’t come in. I’m going to tell Drake what happened that night, if he doesn’t want anything to do with me - fair enough. If he does, then I am going to go on a date with him as planned. I had a family and I let my child down. Do not try and tell me what I want Liam or what is best for me.”

“We had sex!”

“It meant nothing to me Liam. I was forced into it by you and Rita. Excuse me, I’m going to find Maxwell. Please do not follow me.” Grabbing her wrist, she slapped him across the face. Immediately letting go of her, the sting still lingered. “I mean it liam, stay away from me or I’ll advertise to the whole company what you did to me. I believe I am being extremely stupid even stringing a sentence to you. Even considering to be nice to you.”

“I didn’t rape you Riley.”

“Of course you didn’t! You are fucking stupid, delusional. Get out of my face Liam. Even when I was half a fucking sleep, who’s name did I keep saying on that porno you created? Drake! Not you! Doesn’t that tell you something?”

“Is everything okay here?” Leo watched the pair since she they were on their own, keeping an eagle eye on every movement- it was now time to intervene as Riley slapped Liam across the face.

“Everything is fine. I was just saying goodbye to your brother for good. He thinks it’s acceptable to drug and rape women who he apparently loves.”

“I didn’t rape you! How many times?”

“Oh Leo, he even recorded it.”

“She was drunk, she was begging for it.”

“I was begging for you to stop. I wanted Drake. Not you. I’m leaving.” Leo grit his teeth, wanting to beat the shit out of his brother. He knew Riley wouldn’t lie about something like this.

“Mr Rhys? May I have a word?” Liam nodded, excusing himself from Leo- both brothers pulled out their phone, each sending a text to Drake.

Drake I’m really sorry, but myself and Riley slept together the other night. I’m so sorry for hurting you like this. But I think she wants to give it another go.

Drake you need to ring me ASAP! It’s about Riley and Liam.

Leo put the phone away, as he did he had a notification. Assuming it was Drake, it was a video attachment- Leo watched, and began crying.

“What’s up?” Olivia and Maxwell came over to see what the matter was with Leo- not really wanting to show the two of them what Riley had sent, he felt the need to for her sake. To get everyone on her side. Seeing their eyes widen, and their jaws agape, he was glad Riley secretly sent it to herself and forwarded it to him. It was her way in asking for help and support.

“Holy shit! Where is he? I’m going to kill him.”

“Leave my brother to me max! Go to your place, I’ll meet you there. I need to speak to Drake.”

******

Knocking on the door, Riley hoped he was in- she was going to tell him the truth, hoping he would listen to her. If she had lost him for good, there was no point in staying in New York.

“Thank god you’re in, we need to talk.”

“Riley, I’m actually busy.” He responded in a melancholy tone of voice. Receiving the text off Liam, broke his heart. Riley walked into the apartment ignoring his bullshit excuse.

“You’ve packed early. We’re not going to Texas until Friday.”

“You’re not going to Texas. I’m going there now.”

“What?”

“You heard me Riley. Live your life with Liam, I know. He text me and told me. I hope you’re both very happy together.”

“What did he text you?” Showing her the text, her nostrils flared.

“Drake he’s lying. It’s not that. I want to be with you. He means nothing to me. I was looking forward to spending time with you.”

“Maybe you should have thought about that before Riley. I’m not angry, I’m hurt that I found out from him. I thought we had something, we was going to put things behind us- move on. You both have a lot more history, I’m happy for you.”

“Drake?” Ignoring her, he picked up his bags and left the apartment. Wiping the tears that he had held in - he shook his head. Riley fell to the floor crying uncontrollably, texting Maxwell she hoped he would come back.

*****

Maxwell left the event immediately, as he arrived he saw Drake loading his truck.

“Where are you going?”

“Texas. Why?”

“Have you seen Riley? I need to make sure she’s okay. I fucking hate Liam.”

“Yes, she’s in the apartment. I’ve said goodbye.”

“How can you leave after what happened?”

“Why not? She’s with Liam now. He told me that.” Showing the text, Maxwell was furious. Asking Leo to quickly forward the video to him, he needed to show Drake that Riley was innocent.

“Just wait, Leo’s sending me something. Don’t go just yet.” Drake rolled his eyes back, the longer he stayed here the more it was hurting. “Here. Sit down. Watch it. It’s not nice. Riley loves you Drake. Don’t leave her.” Drake looked at Maxwell, who put his head down as the video began. Watching the video made him feel sick, regretting believing Liam over Riley- he abandoned the bags and ran back into the apartment.

“Riley?” Seeing her in the kitchen, he ran up to her- holding her tightly. Tilting her chin up, he placed a gentle kiss on her lips. Maxwell walked in, leaning against the doorframe- he smiled softly at the two of them. “I’m so sorry. If I see him, I’m going to kill him with my bare hands. I love you too.”

“How do you know I love you?”

“Leo, sent the video to max who showed me. Stopped me from leaving. Don’t be mad at them.”

“I’m so sorry, I let him do that to me. I don’t remember. Rita drugged me too. He gave her a shit ton of money to do it.” Unable to stop the tears, Maxwell came over to the two of them. Pulling her in for a hug, he was hoping that Leo wasn’t going to do anything stupid.

“Ri, stay here with us. We will both protect you. Leave the strip club, I’ll help you find another job. Please.”

“Max is right, I’ll provide for the two of us.”

“You could provide for the three of us with your wage packet.” Maxwell winked at Drake, hoping she would listen to their advise.

“You better be joking Beaumont, I’ll provide for her not for you too. Riley, we will go to Texas tomorrow. Together. As planned but a few days earlier. I’m self employed, so we can go for as long as you need. Besides Maxwell can spend some alone time with the new lady in his life without me feeling like a gooseberry.”

“Oh just like I felt like a gooseberry when you two fucked for the first time. I’m gonna go to sleep guys, don’t go awol without saying bye. Night besties.” Drake led Riley to his bedroom, throwing her a top to wear- he stripped down into his underwear. Turning around, the top was still where he threw it, Riley was sat up in bed naked- biting her bottom lip. God she looks so sexy when she does that.

“Are we sleeping naked now?” He asked in a seductive tone of voice. Crawling on to the bed and up towards her, he had an immediate erection. For months he was hoping to see her like this again. As he got within reach, Riley pulled him closer- placing her lips onto his chest. Providing light kisses, his hands explored her body. Arching her back, she moaned as he kissed her neck.

“Drake, don’t stop. I’ve missed you. I’m so sorry for everything that has happened.”

“Don’t be sorry, none of it is your fault.”

“The termination was my fault, I called that decision- a decision I’ve regretted ever since. Liam, everything to do with him is my fault.”

“At the time, I disagreed with that decision- I was being selfish. I wish we didn’t do it, but looking back it was for the best. Liam who? We need to erase him out of our life.”

“Can we start over? A fresh new start?”

“Sure, what I said at the baby shower- I meant it. I’ll protect you from now on, I’ll love you. In the future, if we are still as we are- we can try for a baby. It won’t ever replace the first one.” Laying next to her, she snuggled into his embrace.

“You mean if we are officially dating. In a relationship.”

“Yes. Who knows you may not be able to keep your hands off me, you may fall madly in love with me and marry me.”

“‘Maybe.” Riley giggled to herself, loosening his grip on her- they began kissing again as if their lives depended on it.

“Jesus you two! Cover up!” Both jumping, they were grateful that they had only got to first base. Pulling the duvet up to cover their naked bodies, they both turned around to face Leo.

“Leo... who’s blood is that on your hands?”

#choices trr #drake walker #the royal romance #riley brooks #drake x riley #drake x mc #liam x mc #liam rhys #evil liam #maxwell beaumont #bertrand beaumont #savannah walker #olivia nevrakis #leo rhys #trr fan fic

[segenassefa]

3. A Semi-Original List of Things To Do During Quarantine

Niggas all over the timelines are baking banana bread, doing headstands, and making Tik Toks. Yeah it was fun the first few weeks – but now we’re almost four months deep into quarantine and the gworls need some change! A bit of variety. Some pizazz, if you will.

Well, fear not!

I am here to help (as per usual). Digging into the depths of my chicken breast-like brain has been hard, but I’ve done it to compile a list of things to try now that quarantine is dragging along. Some of these you’ve definitely heard before (but they were so good, it was worth mentioning again), some of these you may have considered but never really saw the value in, and some of these seem like I pulled them out of my ass, but I promise, they’re a fun time and definitely worth the try.

Take up a new workout routine now that gyms will probably cease to exist.

I can’t even speak on this one (my record this quarantine has been four days without leaving my bed), but health comes in different forms. Even back in the early stages, one of my favourite things to do was get a coffee and aimlessly walk around downtown – it got me out of the house, it didn’t feel like exercise, and was an excuse to take advantage of the warm weather. Exercise is both important for physical as well as mental health, as cited by a million and one studies, and can break up the monotonous cycles of online shopping, self-loathing, and eating that everyone seems to be trapped in these days. Your options, however, go beyond yoga and walking. Buy some weights or use one of the jars of canned tomatoes you have sitting your pantry (…) and do a weight routine. Go for a run. Climb some stairs. Bring back step aerobics like the bad bitches from the 80s. Ride a bike (Queen’s Quay is really nice, and pretty empty on the weekdays). The other benefit to establishing a good routine now is that you can carry it out through the winter. Maybe not the bike riding part, but you get my point.

Socialize (safely).

           I never understood the obsession with patios until I went to El Jefe a few weeks ago, and it got me thinking about how fun that actually must be when everyone isn’t terrified of getting a virus from the person eating chips and guac two tables over. But! There are alternatives! I know you don’t believe me but there are! Toronto has more parks and green spaces than you’d think, and now is the perfect time to take advantage of them. Connect with nature, friends, and socializing in an environmentally friendly space (throw those White Claw cans in the trash, please) and you and your friends will literally be the peak of ecofeminism. If you’re tired of wearing your crop tops and lashes to the grocery store, picnics and beach days also give you a reason to look cute in public again (and with a mask, you don’t even have to put foundation on the bottom half of your face. #win). Some of my favourite places include Trinity-Bellwood Park and Woodbine Beach. If you have a car (or a lot of patience) Scarborough Bluffs is also definitely worth the commute. I think it’s a game changer that “going out” now means sitting in the grass making small talk, instead of getting hammered in some dark, damp club, but maybe it’s also improvement.

Clear out the clutter that you always tell yourself you’re too busy for.

           I know you see it, bitch. That box of clothes overflowing in the back of your closets. Or the basket of random hair ties, scraps of paper, and pen caps on your shelf. What about when you open social media – Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, whatever – a see all these random people on your feed that you don’t remember following, much less ever meeting in real life. Quarantine has forced us to retreat to our own spaces, physically, mentally and emotionally, and now more than ever is the best time to reflect and take inventory of what brings you joy and (God forbid we’re in this situation again) what you’d be ok with surrounding yourself with 24/7. It may be hard – times of crisis especially encourage a scarcity mindset instead of an abundance one – but it doesn’t hurt to try and reframe your thinking!

The 3 Restaurant Rule

If you’re anything like me, then you love Uber Eats. Since this virus has stripped the joy of going out to eat from my small and soft hands, we’ve had to find ways to work around this. One of these compromises has been Uber Eats. But that, much like anything else in life, can soon get repetitive (and niggas were clowning me for actually enjoying Swiss Chalet. Fuck y’all.) So, I established some ground rules, one of which being the three-restaurant rule. Do I follow it all the time? No. But knowing that it exists had made trying new foods more like a game. Here’s what you do:

1.     First, pick a type of cuisine (I’m partial to sushi, so we’re going to use that for this example).

2.     Next, really study Uber Eats. Find the best restaurants in your area specializing in that kind of food and pick three restaurants that look the best to you. Another alternative (especially if you’re lucky enough to live downtown where a majority of restaurants are doing take out) would be to curate a list of places on Yelp! I loved doing this when outside was open – it made eating out feel a bit more purposeful, almost like it was for research).

3.     Then, keep a lil list – on your phone, on paper, in your camera roll - wherever. When you’re not in the mood to cook, consult the list, and don’t pick a restaurant twice in a row. Start building up a list of places that you can say you’ve tried. Keep tabs on how you felt about the food to compare it to in-person dining when restaurants re-open, or make it an event with friends. Dress up, get together, crack a bottle of wine (or some beers, or sake, ya know – whatever floats your boat) and make it an event.

The other upside to this is now when people ask me for recommendations, I can give them with confidence instead of bullshitting like I would have before (sorry y’all LOL).

Learn how to do your own personal upkeep.

           It would probably take me ten hands and feet to count the number of videos I’ve seen of nail salons throwing customers out for being black or on the prejudice of race and/or class, or the number of hair salons and stylists who charge extra fees for thickness, length (or lack thereof), or for specific styles and modifications, etc. If you knew me, you know I was devoted to my nail salon. I loved the feeling of getting a full set of acrylics, having all the work done for me, the little burn on my cuticles when they’d slide my hands under the UV light. But in quarantine, a lot of things happened – nail salons closed, I became unemployed, and suddenly, $60 manicures every two weeks were not realistic. YouTube has so many videos on how to do basic self-care - things like cutting or dyeing or braiding your own hair, doing your own nails (whether it be acrylic, gel, even a basic polish manicure), doing your own eyebrows – the possibilities are all there. And, if you get good enough – you can always go ahead and make it your own side hustle (with salons operating at half capacity, the demand for people that do house calls is rapidly increasing). I’ve recently swapped my acrylics for press on nails and let me tell you – game changer. They last just as long, look just as good, and allow me the freedom of talon-like nails without having my bank account scream at me (a post on how I do my faux-acrylics at home coming soon!)

Try to watch something that isn’t reality television.

I know 90 Day Fiancee is that GIRL. And if you’re like me, you tend to get very sucked into YouTuber mukbang drama as well (if anyone wants to discuss Nikocado Avocado with me, I am more than willing). But after a while, it gets kind of repetitive, and there’s no harm in educating yourself on other topics. Netflix, Amazon Prime Video, Hulu, even YouTube all have so many documentaries on a variety of topics – from crime, to health, to cults – there’s literally something for everyone. Plus, there’s something really self-satisfying about learning something on your own. If you need a place to start, my personal favourite is Bikram (Netflix) and any of the Vice documentaries on YouTube, but there are so many, so browse around and find one that suits your personal taste.

           There are also many documentaries on environmentalism and the Black existence/experience/life in America and globally. Considering all the things that are going on right now, it would be wise to educate oneself, especially when the tools for doing so are a few clicks away. My personal favourites are 13 and Who Shot the Sherriff, but there’s so many that you don’t have an excuse not to at least learn SOMETHING.

Severe ties and blame it on the pandemic.

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Maybe there’s the persistent wanna-be friend who you tried to avoid in your Thursday 11-1 lecture and would incessantly text you for notes. Or the creepy guy who would always be in your study spot in Deerfield and message you after with the dumbass eye emojis. Maybe it’s that one friend you used to call to console you of your issues, but by the end of the chat you felt more unnerved than understood. Whomever it is, don’t be afraid to stray away a bit and use the excuse of social distance or “getting your head together” to gradually give yourself some space and make things a bit obvious without having to be a total asshole. It can help, tbh, and the last thing you need in a time like this is to feel guilty for someone else’s feelings.

Be ok with doing nothing.

Life is always on some go,go,go shit. With people posting all those fucking memes about hustling or whatever, it can be easy to feel like you’re sitting in quarantine wasting your life away because you haven’t joined Forex, or OnlyFans, or started three side businesses, or taught yourself a new language or whatever. But listen – look at quarantine like a break. You had a nice long break to re-cooperate and self-indulge a lil bit and you know what? That’s ok! You’re not less of a person because you chose to rest or hang out in bed more than you should have. Don’t let other people’s progress (or lack thereof) be a measure of your own. How can you expect to bounce back after a GLOBAL PANDEMIC if you spent the entire time beating yourself up for not living up to other people’s idea of success? …Exactly. This list is just for fun and personal growth, but realistically, quarantine is for doing whatever the fuck you want (safely and sanely, of course), but literally look at this time off as God, Allah, Buddha, whomever, pumping the brakes on what is a normally hectic life. Slow down, enjoy the small things (ALL the small things), and allow yourself to be what you are – a human being, not a fucking machine.

#cashmoneysegs #blog post 3 #quaratine #i'm losing my mind

[thisiskatsblog]

H&L updates account said it appears H is in LA. The entire comment section was flooded with everyone denying it. I am honestly so confused how everyone knows this? And especially as someone who is newer to the fandom, apparently this is a very typical occurrence of like posting that 'super old pic' of H driving in LA for the sole purpose of trying to prove they aren't together? To what extent is this true? Ofc I want them to be together. Deep down, I have not one doubt they will end up together.

part 2: However, I also don't want to have false hope. I don't want to assume they have managed to stay together for all this time, bc I always thought they did break up at some point (tbh I don't know whether they are even currently together). Don't get me wrong, I will go down with this ship. I know they are endgame. But so many people think they are currently together, when to me, Lou's lyrics esp allude to the fact that is not the case right now. How do you have such firm belief they are?

____________________

Just to be clear: this ask came in March 27th but I didn’t have time to answer it then. You touched on a few different points

How does everyone know the picture is fake? One thing with celebrities that you should know is that they are a product that is marketed to you, and that everything that gets out, gets out there for a reasons. Which means, all of it is, to some extent, “produced” – though not necessarily completely fake. In this fandom, however, a lot has been proven to be staged, fake, or easily refutable. This particularly with regard to “Elounor”, and with regard to Harry and Louis being together on important dates (New Year’s, birthdays, start of their solo tours). The best advice I could give anyone entering this fandom is “question absolutely everything” (! except your own ability to think logically, you must trust your own mind, no matter how often you are told not to). That doesn’t mean this picture was necessarily fake – but it’s definitely also not conclusive proof that Harry was there at that time. If I am not mistaken it was a picture that showed a man in a motorcycle outfit, from the back, from rather far away – could be harry, could be not, could be old. And, much more importantly, we had Stevie Nicks saying that Harry was in London. Did she not get the memo? So we don’t know the picture is fake, but we certainly don’t know that it’s real.

Is it a typical occurrence to post old/fake pictures to prove they are not together? Yes, in fact it is. As I mentioned, we often get pictures “proving” they are far apart, for example on the date of start of Harry’s first solo show in Europe, the Paris date, a pap picture of Louis and Eleonor was published. I remember being told while lining up and thinking “oh, they must still be together then”. This is definitely a consistent pattern – I don’t have the time to make a list for you, I am sure others have it somewhere – but it would happen on their birthdays, on new year’s, for important dates, holidays, during harry’s tour, there were always pictures or stories coming out suggesting they were not together, and more often than not, the proof was far from conclusive and there were conflicting reports suggesting they were together for some of those occasions.

You say you have no doubt they will end up together, but you don’t believe they are currently together, which – I have to say – I find strange – how do you know so sure they will? .

As to why I have such firm belief they are together? Well – for one, it’s clear that they were into eachother at the start of X factor, that they got very close very soon, and became a couple. Then came the bearding, and the tattoos, then came the bullshit and the denials and the “social/public distancing” between Harry and Louis, but the little glances, smiles and body language didn’t stop, the tattoos didn’t stop, and their lyrics kept pointing to a long term committed relationship. They publicly undermined their closets, particularly Harry who seemed to have more freedom, and after Zayn left and Harry and Louis were allowed to do more press together again towards the end of 1D it was clear to everyone they were an old married couple. Both their lyrics still point to a long term relationship with one person they are very committed to, despite having overcome difficulties – in other words: consistent with a closeted relationship under heavy pressure from label and management. The lyrics of “We Made It” definitely point in that direction – and even the sadder songs, like “Too Young”, if you really look at it, are more consistent with Louis and Harry being in a relationship, than Louis and Eleanor. “I can’t believe I gave into the pressure, told a love like this would never last”, is what they would have told Louis and Harry – why would they have pressured Louis about Eleanor. Interpretations of breakup usually focus on the “two years since I’ve seen your face” – which in my view, could just as well refer to the social distancing. Also: “come so far since Princess Park” and “walk in your rainbow paradise… myeah”

In short, nothing is certain, question everything. There is consistent evidence of Louis and Harry having been in a relationship from the early X factor days right up until 1D split, and their current lyrics are more consistent with a long term committed relationship that’s had its difficulties and pressures, than with any other explanation. The main reason why people seem to be doubting, is because they haven’t seen Harry and Louis in a room together in years. In psychology that’s called “object permanence” or better lack thereof. When we no longer see it, we believe it no longer exists.

But as the weeks of quarantaine have gone on, we’ve seen a lot of Niall, a lot of Liam, and next to nothing of Louis or Harry, particularly not live video – of the kind that would pinpoint them to a certain location. Lady Gaga’s #togetherathome concert included every big star that should have been touring at the moment, livestreaming from their home. Why include Niall and Liam, but not not Louis and not Harry? Okay 4/4 of one direction is perhaps a bit much, but Harry is the one, of all of them, that’s the biggest right now, and who would have been touring – why on earth not include him?

So. I am sure they were in a relationship throughout 1D, I don’t have any evidence that they would have broken up, and reasons to think they might still be together. That’s as much certainty as I can give. They seem happy. That’s it. That’s my answer. 

#Anonymous #ask #evidence #bearding #quarantaine #togetherathome #god why do i always take so long to answer #and why does it always take me such a long answer #ugh

[justfinishedreading]

Remainder by Tom McCarthy

I read this book about two or three months ago, it’s the sort of book I can say is really good, in a literary sense, but ask me if I enjoyed it and my answer is definitely no. The blurb describes it as “a darkly comic meditation on memory, identity and history”. I take a less romantic view and say it’s a disturbing -and occasionally comic story- about white male privilege, the abuse of wealth and power, the danger of diminishment of responsibility, and the importance of post-trauma therapy.

Before the story commences, the protagonist has already suffered an accident; an object dropped from a flying plane and nearly killed him. Part of his brain was damaged, and he could no longer walk or move. He had to re-learn every basic physical movement from scratch, starting with the simple act of picking up a small object. The part of his brain dedicated to movement was gone and to learn moment anew meant psychologically rewiring his thought-process. He learnt about the mechanics of his muscles, his bones, every change that occurs to make possible that simple act of picking something up. Over and over again these mechanics had to be thought out before action could be taken. As a consequence, when we meet our protagonist all his actions are slow, every detail must be thought through. Repetition and routine are key.

The unnamed airline company has offered him eight and a half million pounds to settle the case out of court, under the condition that he never talks about this publicly or privately. He accepts. And this is where the story begins.

One day, our unnamed protagonist, remembers a particular memory. His memories were gone when he woke up hospitalized, but they’ve been coming back slowly and in random bits. He sees a crack in a bathroom wall and is instantly reminded of a similar crack in an unknown apartment. He remembers looking out of the window and seeing black cats walking on the roof of the building opposite, he remembers leaving the apartment and walking down the internal staircase, he remembers the smell of someone cooking liver and someone playing piano, and he remembers feeling happy, feeling himself, feeling real and at one with everything around him.

He is struck by this memory of feeling natural, because since his accident all his movements, all his actions, seem rehearsed, studied, or as he puts it “second-hand”. Instead of trying to find out where this apartment is, why he was there, and what was going on at that time that brought him a form of peace, he decides instead to recreate the memory; the building and the people, to “re-enact” the scene from his memory, over and over again. Ironically experiencing the feeling of that memory second-hand…

From the point of view of the audience it is quite tedious to read about the unfolding of this plan, to us it seems obvious that this is doomed to fail, that manufacturing a feeling is counter-productive to feeling authentic. For me, I just wanted the book to end, I have never wanted more for a book to just… please, please… END.

The protagonist spends a lot of money, time and effort in finding a correct-looking building, paying off everyone that lives there to move out, hiring contractors to strip down the interior, recreate the look and feel of his memory building (which includes, amongst many other things, the wearing and sanding down of materials to look aged), and hiring people to be live-in actors, 24/7 on call, repeating the same actions over and over again: frying liver, playing the piano, taking out the rubbish etc.

Now we might say yes these actions, this way of spending money seems utterly pointless, but if he feels comforted by these actions and he has the money and it is his to do with as he pleases, what is wrong with that? What does it matter if we don’t approve? These actions are deeply important to him.

Now this is where white male privilege comes in, and also the power that comes with wealth. Speaking as a woman from a working-class background, of emigrant parents, I could never make someone go through what he puts his employees through. Here’s an example; in his memory, there’s the smell of someone pan-frying liver. To recreate this smell, he and his team found that they have to put about fours pans on the go for the smell to drift from downstairs up to his new apartment. His employees would fry liver all day, every day, for months on end, even when he wasn’t in the building, he still wants that to take place. The constant frying of liver meant that the air vents were frequently clogging up with huge amounts of fat. Imagine living there? The smell of liver every single day, all day, how nauseating it must be for those people. We may say that money can make monsters out of anyone, but the sense of entitlement the protagonist feels, in so short a space of time, is astounding, and I argue that he had some existing feelings of entitlement to bounce off of.

Another example; he hired a middle-aged pianist to re-enact the pianist from his memory, the pianist would practice a music score on the piano, occasionally making mistakes (intentionally “accidently” making mistakes). He would repeat the problem passage, then continue practicing, again make mistakes, repeat problem passage, over and over again, every day, the same score of music, but with no intention of it ever being played in public, with no end goal except to fake practicing. Imagine what that would do to a person psychologically.

We are never told what these people feel, because the protagonist, who is also the narrator, simply does not care. Whenever someone questions his motives, the protagonist replies with just one word: “whatever”. He never takes the time to explain his thought-process, he has no need for social approval or connection. In this respect the novel is remarkable, characters with these traits are usually portrayed as psychopaths in thrillers and horror stories, so it’s interesting to see that character outside the cliché box. And make no mistakes about it he is a psychopath; the team recreate the memory of black cats walking on roofs by acquiring black cats and everyday pushing them out onto the roof. Unfortunately, the roof is unnatural and artificially made, there’s nowhere for the cats to go or escape, they end up slipping and falling off and dying on impact with the ground. The protagonist is aware of this and is unmoved.

Surprisingly the protagonist does start to experience some pleasure from these re-enactments, in fact he becomes addicted to them. But the ‘high’ he gets from the control and repetition lessens as time goes on, soon he seeks out new and more problematic scenarios to re-enact, more potentially dangerous ways to feel elated. I won’t spoil the rest of the book or discuss the ending except to mention that a lot of people who read Remainder get dazzled by the ending and the various interpretations of the “truth” of what happens. We know for a fact that the narrator is highly unreliable because he withholds information, changes details and, in one occasion at least, told a story that at the end he admits was completely made up. Some readers get excited about possibilities like is he perhaps still in a coma and is this all a weird dream? Is he actually dead and this is purgatory or hell? Sort of a Third Policeman type thing. Me, I take it at face value; I think the main structure of the story is true, certain details certainly were changed, and things exaggerated, the man is a liar for sure, and the end does not tell us the full ending of what happened, but the rest we can guess ourselves.

The final thing I want to talk about is relationships, the importance of social relationships and human connection. At the start of the story the protagonist has two friends; a man about the same age as him (late twenties / early thirties) and who is a bit of a douchebag (the protagonist tells us that before the accident he used to find his friend’s humour funny, I take that as proof that the protagonist was already a wanker before the accident). There’s also a long-distance female friend, who is visiting. Now these two are taken out of the picture quite quickly, the woman continues her travels, and the protagonist stops answering his mate’s calls. No family is ever mentioned, which is really weird considering he’s been recovering from serious injuries -unless the protagonist is an orphan, but even then surely he has more people in his life? We never find out. What this means is there is no one to hold him accountable for his actions, there is no one to call him out on his bullshit, everyone he is now in contact with is an employee.

The second most significant character, after the protagonist, is Nazrul Vyas. When the protagonist first sets out to make his replica building he has a very hard time getting people to understand what he wants. The organizational aspect of this project doesn’t faze him but it’s the endless questions posed by contractors that he finds irritating to deal with. His lawyer suggests a company that specializes in management for rich clients, they facilitate any requests a client may make. Think personal assistant but with a huge network of contacts, resources and personnel. That’s where “Naz” comes in, he’s intelligent and patient and quietly relishes a challenge, the bigger and more complex, the better. The protagonist often describes him as machine-like, alluring to him having a computer for a brain. Naz is our main hope of someone being able to reach the protagonist… but a character described a robot, with the sole aspiration of materializing a client’s dreams, does not inspire much optimism… Commentary on the evils of blindly following orders, ay?

So in conclusion, yes Remainder is an interesting book; it’s literally studied in modern literature courses… Pick it up if you want something more original and challenging than your average mass-market best-seller. But for me, I’m just happy it’s finally over.

Review by Book Hamster

#just finished reading #remainder #tom mccarthy #modern literature #contemporary fiction #contemporary literature #contemporary classics #wealth #wealth and power #white male privilege #white male #repetitive #repetition #control #control and power #love reading #love books #book blog #book review #british literature #contemporary novels #book covers #pyschopath #mental illness #mental health #mental health issues #human connection #importance of communication #Memories #false memories

[artificialqueens]

Notebooks and Post-it's - Chapter 13 - (Branjie) - Thankyoumissvanjie

A/N: YOU GUUUUUUUYS! All the comments, all the love. Seriously, I’ve been warm all over with all the love, which is why you are already getting a new chapter. I am not saying that we are hitting home stretch, but I do believe that we will soon be getting close to an ending.

Whatever type we will end up getting. Who knows?

Summary:

It was fine.

Doing the show, being their friendly selves. Hinting at more than friendship because the fans loved it.

It was fine.

Vanjie truly didn’t feel like her heart was breaking every single time she joked about Brooke, her dick or alluded to their ‘sex life’. She didn’t.

Vanjie was fine.

LINK TO AO3

It was fine.

Doing the show, being their friendly selves. Hinting at more than friendship because the fans loved it.

It was fine.

Vanjie truly didn’t feel like her heart was breaking every single time she joked about Brooke, her dick or alluded to their 'sex life’. She didn’t.

Vanjie was fine.

So what if she sometimes shed a tear in her bunk on the bust when it was way past midnight and they were on their way to a different city.

So what if she sometimes wanted scream in sheer jealousy over the fact that Detox and Nina got to hug and touch Brooke - in and out of drag?

It didn’t matter.

Because Vanjie was fine.

Except. José wasn’t.

Every joke about Brock’s dick that he made at the shows left his mouth feeling ashy. Every #branjie hashtag made him want to delete his Instagram account.

He missed him.

José had panicked in the elevator, afraid that Brock would leave him again, so he decided to make it easier by leaving first.

It gave him the control, something he felt had been taken away from him the last time.

Ending it had seemed like a good idea at the time, but only for about 20 seconds.

The moment the doors of the elevators had closed behind him, reality hit him hard.

He didn’t want it to end.

He had never wanted it to fucking end.

But.

He had ended it.

And well…

Vanjie was fine.

Brooke was not fine.

Brooke felt like death walking. Her head was fussy from all the drinks, the meet & greet’s and the long trips on a tour bus.

She felt like a painted queen in more ways than one. The smile on her face faker than her hips to waist ratio.

She endured all the jokes that Nina, Monique and Vanjie made at her expense. Dealt with all the #branjie tags on Instagram and tried to not care too much about every single “where’s Vanessa” question that was posed to her.

But.

Brooke was not fine.

She was barely hanging on by a single thread, knowing that it would take almost nothing for him to hit the deep end.

It was not fine.

She tried to quiet down the beat of her heart every time she packed her things in the dressing room. Tried to not look for a post-it. Tried to kill any type of hope.

Failing every single time.

But while Brooke was not decidedly not okay, Brock was numb.

He didn’t know if it was because of the alcohol, heartbreak or a combination of the two, but he just felt numb.

He talked with the others, he did the work, went to the clubs and tried to exist.

Was this how José had felt when Brock had ended things the first time around?

Fuck, he hoped not.

If he had been the cause for José hurting like that…

Shit.

They had the first day off from the tour the day after, and Brock didn’t know how or if he could get through it. The other’s had talked about bowling and karaoke, which normally would have been his thing.

But alcohol, Brock and his ex seemed like a bad mix.

Brock and alcohol on its own already the worst idea.

Brooke really wasn’t fine.

Looking back, he couldn’t tell why he had made that comment on his live. He could blame the alcohol, blame the playfulness that had been in the air the whole day.

Maybe even blame the other’s as they had all seemed to pick up on the tension between the two of them, which made them try to push them together.

Fucking bitches.

They had all gotten drunk on a lethal mix of cider, tequila and beer. It was what made José’s body feel loose and free. It was what made him look two, three, four times at Brock’s ass when they had gone bowling.

So maybe it was the alcohol’s fault.

Sober him should have realised what was about to happen. Drunk him didn’t even give it a thought as he did a live Q&A with his followers as the other’s were getting midnight junk food.

“Have you ever fisted anyone, Miss Brooke Lynn?” José had specifically chosen to only ask Meatball, the question not one he wanted to ask his ex.

Trust Meatball to pick up that dropped ball from the floor immediately.

“Sure have not.” Brock looked directly into the camera, his eyes glazed over with fatigue, alcohol and something else.

“He didn’t even barely- he never even ate ass.” The words tumbled out of José’s mouth as he looked over a Meatball, the word not even registering in his mind, nor the fact that he was live with too many of his followers.

“Never ate ass? Now, wait a minute-” Meatball sounded surprised and almost sorry for José’.

But then.

“I did it once in the shower.”

That quiet and assured voice coupled with that look. The slightly raised eyebrow challenging him to disagree.

Stone cold. Almost angry.

But also playful.

José didn’t know if it made him want to kiss or slap him.

The energy between them after that had been… Weird. As if they both didn’t know what to do with that exchange. Brock seemingly shrugging it all off, though the challenge in his eyes stayed present.

Daring him to do… Something.

It had all come to a confusing head at the club, as they somehow ended up danced against each other, their bodies gravitating towards each other like to magnets, their eyes meeting in an unspoken agreement that found them in a cubicle in the toilet.

The door slammed behind them as their lips had met in a frantic kiss that tried to say everything, but only managed to voice a cry of some form of desperation.

Brock pushed José against the wall, their kisses biting and hard. Hands everywhere and nowhere.

And then they had stopped. Almost as if someone had pressed the off-switch. One moment José had been ready to drop down on his knees and take Brock’s dick in his mouth right there in a shitty toilet in some gay bar in Newcastle… And the next they were both calmly parting ways.

After that José seemed to lose track of the rest of them. His confusion over the kiss coupled with his ADD mind and overall drunkenness was probably why he hadn’t noticed their departure, effectively leaving him behind.

Leaving him to find his way back to the hotel on his own. His anger fighting against his fatigue, hurt and want.

He felt abandoned in multiple ways, his body starting to vibrate with a classic José mix of anger, hurt and indignation. One wrong move or word and he would pop off, he just knew it.

As the cab was turning down the winding roads, en route towards their hotel he felt his phone vibrating in the fancy-ass fanny pack he had strapped to his thigh, probably overflowing with notifications as people reposted and tagged him in thousands of versions of that live.

His flustered face and that look from Brock getting retweeted and analysed to death. Maybe he should read them, knowing that the Insta-stans might have better luck figuring out what was going on in that idiot’s mind.

José certainly didn’t know. His mind hazy and tripping over twenty-two different trails of thought that somehow all lead back to that look in Brock’s eyes.

I just need to sleep.

It was all that went through his head as he walked into the lobby of the hotel.

The only thing his brain could manage voicing, as he got the elevator up to his floor.

I just need to sleep.

Walking out, the elevator doors closing behind him, he looked down at his phone, feeling his soul leave his body at the idea of the 100+ notifications from Instagram.

Which was why he didn’t see who was coming towards him until he walked smack into the hard chest of Brock, who was stumbling towards him.  

“Hey,”

“You’re so fucking drunk right now, it’s not even funny.” He had woken Detox with frantic knocks at her door, not caring that she would give him hell for it tomorrow. He needed someone to talk some sense into him, the night having messed with his head way more than he thought was possible.

Normally he would go to Nina. But she was kind and understanding.

Right now he needed the bitchiness of Detox.

“I know,” taking a deep drag of his cigarette, he tried to let the smoke clear his head a bit, hoping that it would make the image of José’s flustered face after he had clearly just remembered that time in the shower, disappear from his mind.

“So you’re drunk, an idiot and you’ve possibly just let the ‘love of your life’ as you so aptly put it, walk out of your life… Am I missing more from your week of self-destruction?” Her no-nonsense voice made Brock smile wryly.

Fuck he had missed her.

“We made out in the club tonight? And I am pretty sure that there is a video online of me stone-cold admitting that I ate him out one time in the shower. Other than that? Nope, that’s all,” finishing the cigarette, Brock immediately lit a new one, needing the comfort that the nicotine gave him. Not caring that what he had promised Nina, not caring that he had tried to stop.

“Bitch,”

“Yup,”

“No, really… Jesus. You need to grow up and act your age, B,” Trust Detox to cut through the bullshit and be the captain of team Tough Love.

“But I-”

“No buts. I am so tired of seeing you being sad and self-destructive. Be an adult. Do that fucking challenge, Brock!” The sudden harshness of her voice made him look up at her tired face. Even through his drunken stupor, he noticed the worry in her eyes.

He hated that he was the one to have put it there.

“I… Okay. You’re right, I’m 33 years old. I should start acting it,” he tried to muster up a small smile, hoping it would dissolve some of the worry in her eyes.

“You really should. Just fucking talk with him. No sex, no anything. Just talk. Fuck’s sake, it’s not that hard, Babe.”

Easy for her to say.

“Yeah. Thanks for the smoke. I think I’ll go to bed,” he gave her a long hug, lingering a bit as trying to savour the human touch so he could hopefully carry it with him to his empty and cold hotel bed.

He stumbled his way out of her room., trying to remember the way to his room. He wanted to laugh over the irony of a ballerina having trouble not falling over his own feet. Suddenly he got hit by a very familiar weight.

If this had been a Disney film, this would be that moment where everything just magically seemed to work out.

“Hey,” José looked up at him, his phone in hand, lit up with the enormous amounts of notifications that were probably mirrored on Brock’s phone, safely hidden in his room.

“Hi,” José’s voice was raspy, while his eyes seemed tired and done. The way he looked at Brock was disconcerting, but he had promised Detox, so he just had to power through.

“So. I think we need to talk,” His voice seemed far away, the words slow and almost reluctant like Brock couldn’t believe that he was saying this.

But this was not a Disney film.

“‘Bout what? Didn’t we finish this whole talkin’ bout shit a week ago?” José kept avoiding eye contact, which made the knot in Brock’s stomach grow. His anxiety seemed to slowly cover him in its slimy hold, everything turning acidic and wrong.

But fuck, he had promised Detox.

“No, I… Fuck, I keep on wanting to have this talk, but then I just… Don’t. So, given the fact that I’ve had too much to drink, and probably won’t even remember this in the morning-” before he had a chance to finish his rambling José cut him off, his eyes desperate as he finally looked directly at Brock.

“Then maybe just don’t, Mary,” his eyes seemed to scream something at him, but Brock was too drunk, too emotional, too up in his own feelings to be able to interpret it, so he just carried on.

“I am just going to come right out and say it.” But the words seemed to be stuck somewhere in his throat, lodged there together with the anger and hurt he had felt the last couple of months but had never voiced out-loud to José.

This was really not a Disney film.

“What you waiting for, hoe? I need to get me some Z’s so I can be pretty for the children tomorrow. Chop, Chop, Miss Brooke Lynn.” He was losing time, José starting to be annoyed, his voice reaching that particular impressive trucker not, that he only got when he was close to getting angry.

“Are you sure about wanting to end this?” Brock’s voice was low as he pointed between them. José seemed to freeze for a second as if the words did not make any sense to him.

“I… Right now? I don’t know. Ask Sober Me tomorrow and he’ll probably say yeah.” Brock could feel himself become heavy as the rejection hit him. Square in the chest with a direct hit to his heart. His cheeks seemed to heat as the embarrassment of what he had asked became clear to him.

“Oh. Well. Okay. That’s fair. Yeah… Wow, fuck I’m just an idi-” He needed to get away from this situation. Needed to go back to his room and deal with this refusal.

“It’s fine, Mami, we all get drunk. I won’t make a big ass deal out of. Get you some sleep and then I be seeing ya at the show tomorrow.” José’s hand softly touched his arm, making Brock flinch, afraid that José would feel him trembling, afraid that sliminess of his anxiety could be felt.

“Yeah, sleep tight, and uhm sorry.” with that he fled, not hearing if José said anything back. He needed to get back to his room.

He could break down there, he could analyse the kiss in the toilet, the look in José’s eyes and his dismissive words.

If this was acting like an adult, then it fucking sucked.

This was really not a Disney film.

#rpdr fanfiction #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #branjie #nina west #hurt/comfort #angst #smut #post break-up #canon compliant #notebooks and post its #thankyoumissvanjie #tw alcohol abuse #tw dom/sub undertones #s11

[sonicranticoot]

About CTR, Money, and Both Together: Part 2

Continuing from part 1.

Somehow it has been brought to my attention many more things that just...don’t say any good things, any good things, about the situation of the game and possibly the entire Crash and Spyro franchises going forward. I’m known to keep a very positive image here and I want this to continue, but sometimes, life sucks and then you die. So yes, this one is a lot angrier than the one before. You got to let it all out sometimes.

First thing is how these are actually out now, and boy are they terrible. Not just the fact they exist, but you can make 2500 in about an hour each day with online play. Or just pay Activision (not Beenox) $2.49 for that. A lot of people have been talking about how ridiculously overpriced the bundle for the Probulot 2000 is, and that can take a while to grind out even for online players (I have the dearest sympathies for people who don’t have their console’s online service and are stuck with offline payrates). Or, you could just hand that nice old Activision marketer (not Beenox) $9.99 for coins that disappear as soon as you buy them. I remember years back when Capcom got major slack for selling people costumes in Street Fighter IV for $3.99 a pop. Except there, you got a costume for five characters, and each costume had ten palette swaps. And that’s not going back to before that game, where you could get those in games at the low, low price of being earned as an in-game reward like beating the game on a certain difficulty or whatever.

It just goes back to how it used to be. Crash Team Racing is a 20-year old classic game that had a wealth of content you did not have to pay a cent for past the initial purchase of the game. Some people may say, “well, nothing in the original CTR can be unlocked with microtransactions”, and although that may be correct, it is completely missing the point. Content shown heavily before launch, like all the characters from Crash Nitro Kart and the new karts taken from Tag Team Racing, the stuff that was used to show “hey, look, it’s a little more than just CTR”, that stuff is locked behind an in-game store that allows you to spend real money. That’s not even going into the people who want to put N. Tropy or his digital skin in the shop. I actually commend Beenox for putting in something that, unlike the Pit Stop, forces players to get better at the game to have in their possession. The whole thing takes some pride out of the game. It barely feels like it’s a reward for people who didn’t pay up anymore because now people can go out and buy it with real money. Maybe.

That goes back to the fucking Fortnite store layout. Yeah I know this shop was problematic before, but didn’t go into as much as detail on why it is. Let’s say someone wants that one special skin, they want to buy Crunch that badly, that special car, or paint job. The store is set up to force players to wait, or buy things to roll again and hope what they get shows up. And with the addition of microtransactions, now, you can brute force, but even that still doesn’t help you if the Pit Stop gods don’t feel like playing nice and that special skin you wanted is the very last one in rotation. Some people aren’t that patient. This especially goes for offline players who have to spend hours trying to spend up for even one item. This type of impatience leads to kids stealing daddy’s credit card and spending $1,300 on gambling in FIFA. That’s really where this whole shit stops being “optional”, and feels like a deliberate part of the game. Because it is. It is a deliberate decision made on Activision’s part to make a predatory store. The paid solution now exists to a problem they created, and said paid solution doesn’t even fucking work.

Yes. Some people saw microtransactions coming. Some of these people like the game. Others didn’t like it, and are rubbing it into the former’s face. That doesn’t actually solve the issue here. What is the issue is that they weren’t there. People played the game for over a month without them. All the reviews were out, they were great. YouTubers praised it, both Crash-oriented and otherwise. The ESRB didn’t have to put a warning on the box. It’s all nice and cozy.

Then they do this. I’ve seen the review bombing of Metacritic. I’ve seen many Youtubers who have loved the game before either turn against it, or just express endless disgust over it. The ESRB can’t even do their fucking job of warning people that they are in the game, because there are a lot of copies out there that don’t have the “contains in-game purchases” label on them without glancing at one sentence in size 2 text on the back of the box as if Activision is playing their own twisted game of “ok, how can we tell people they’re in, but in such a way they won’t know it”, so someone, let’s say said person has a gambling problem, can buy the game, hear the good word of mouth from people who played it when it did NOT have MTX, and all of a sudden, they found a game that can prey upon them. I mentioned last time Activision did not make the message clear to consumers. Activision doesn’t want their message clear not just to consumers (and that goes for all consumers, from kids, to people with impulse buying problems, to genuine gambling addicts), but ratings boards either.

In short, all that goodwill Activision built up with this game, Spyro Reignited, Crash N. Sane, it’s gone. Not all of it is. But denying it’s done a crippling blow to things would be foolish. This game has a ton of issues. They’re all still here. MTX are though. It doesn’t give me, or anyone, a reason to trust them about what they do with these franchises, because they aren’t immune to any of the MTX bullshit that regularly plagues Call of Duty or whatever. I like the Crash and Spyro games for many reasons, but one big thing is that their newest release were free of this shit, they were old school ways of making people sold on games: by being really, really good games. You payed for a game. It’s good. Simple. Sweet. To the point.

You know what? Like Crash Bandicoot and Spyro the Dragon, Activision’s own Call of Duty sold millions and reviewed very well when it didn’t have microtransactions as well. FIFA did too. Grand Theft Auto did as well. Mortal Kombat also did. Deus Ex did. 2K sports games did. Fallout did. Elder Scrolls did. Plants vs. Zombies did. Quality games make money by being that. Quality games. Who would’ve guessed. Obviously Activision didn’t make all these games. And that’s the problem. Crash isn’t even new to this shit, it’s just one of countless classic, acclaimed franchises now subjected to the scummiest predatory practices that again, were initially made for free-to-play games that didn’t cost a dime to start playing. You didn’t see these in console games because they weren’t build for that practice. Yes, they make money, but console games could again, make money in a way a F2P mobile game can not: straight-up buying the game.

One of the worst (that’s a drinking game at this point) things is that let’s say people do get the message: everything in CTR can be earned in-game, not all the hard to do at that, the MTX coin rates are terrible, and thus, most people don’t buy the MTX. As in 99% of people don’t buy MTX. But you have whales, that 1% of people who these types of business practices specifically are psychologically engineered to pander to, spending literal thousands of dollars on coins for a cartoon kart racer and Activision can get the idea from them and only them of how to make money. And those types of practices become more accepted because of this, rinse, lather, repeat. There’s no winning scenario except for not having them in the game.

In short, Activision is the single slimiest, greediest, dirtiest, most absolutely fucking disgusting money-lusting pig of a company in the video game business and I am very, very disappointed in how corrupting classic games and franchises with pure filth meant to destroy bank accounts has consumed the industry. Activision is obviously not the only company that does this, but I can’t say many of the others are willing to do things like lie to the people who’s job is to warn people about these things. Fuck. Straight. Off.

Let it be known despite all that I am still a big Crash fan. I love the game. I’m eagerly anticipating Beenox to confirm Pasadena as a playable racer, I want to see how Brio looks in the game as well as what kind of race track the game will see when he is introduced, I want to see the Spyro stuff, I want to see what kind of crazy costumes they make or old school vehicles make a return, etc.  I payed $40 for it. That’s the only money I’m giving it because that’s the point. I’m just disappointed. And that’s severely underselling it.

#crash bandicoot #crash team racing nitro fueled #activision #microtransactions #rant

[lavenderglassgirl]

749 pm tues dec 10

I was thinking about self harming this evening, considering it. Considering what i could do in lieu of it. Thinking about my parents. It reminded me of something

I remember when my mom found all my cutting supplies one time she searched my room. I had a bag full of blood soaked paper towels and my journal with the blade i used taped inside. My mom found the bag and asked me what i used to cut with. I showed her the blade, and she got so mad because it was rusted. I got a lecture because it could have killed me. I went to therapy and I don’t think i got grounded, i may have already been grounded at this point too I don’t recall. THis was sometime in middle school so chances were high that i was. But regardless, I didn’t get into any more trouble for this, yet I remember feeling like i was. I remember feeling like my parents were angry at me, they didn’t trust me, they were ashamed of me, they felt i was being over dramatic, just an emotional teenager.

I was talking to Scott today, NPD fresh on my mind from some research for Jesse (will get to that aha) and i went over my lack of privacy. They read my diary when i was 16, brought it to my while i was in the hospital for suicidal ideation. As part of the leaving process for this facility which i was desperately trying to leave (nothing spurs your will to live than prison- er mental health facilities) I was told that i had a session with my therapist (who i had had one 30 minute conversation with) and my parents, whom she had advised per program protocol to search my room. So they searched. They pulled out the half smoked blunt and i got some generic mark lecture about drugs and his house and this that and the other, and words from Laura regarding how it impaires your brain growth and depression and blah blah. Of course what they didn’t bring up was that after this session they would both go home to smoke it off while i went back to my plastic cot where i was allowed to keep a book and my blanket and a pillow from home. After i spent Christmas surrounded by strangers who treated me kinder than my parents in a place that felt like a prison.

And they read my journal. They pulled quotes like it was fucking Shakespeare- we don’t understand why you hate him so much, we don’t understand, we think youre using this as a way to make yourself more upset, we think this is too triggering, were not giving it back.

They kept my diary. My mom had it in the back of her drawer for a long time before i had the nerve to ask for it back, maybe a couple years.

Do you wanna know how they justified all this? What started it?

My biological father got in contact with me again after my 17th birthday. He got the date wrong and I’m pretty sure he thought i was 18 and that’s why he did it. He found my number on facebook, and texted me some bullshit.

My parents allowed me to have a relationship with him- on their terms. I was texting him too late into the night, and too much at school. It was not to interfere with sleep or my school work.

Why? Because my parents didn’t want my grades to slip. No, not because it was causing any actual problems. I was doing really well in my classes, they were just watching my texts and keeping tabs on when i was texting him. They told him and me the same thing, and the next day he texted me while i was between classes and i messaged him back during my free periods, lunch, etc. Genuinely following the heart of the rule which I hadn’t before (i snuck my phone during class) and figuring it would be fine.

Got home, Mark asks if i talked to Eric (should have known he knew) said no, he said i have proof of 36 messages, give me your phone. Really? Yeah.

I handed it over and v o w e d to not say a single word to my parents. It was almost Christmas, and i was grounded for an indefinite amount of time (i think they sat me down after and justified it somehow and i got a month. A month. For texting my biological father. Lmao) They were concerned about our relationship but rather than addressing their concerns in a valid way i just got punished for continuing it. SO i was completely silent for two days. I figured 1) there wasn’t a damn thing they could do to make things worse. They’ve already taken everything before, and i usually cave and kiss ass for the last three weeks because it makes my life more pleasant and fuck them they did not deserve that for this and 2) if they were going to not let me talk to Eric i sure as shit wasn’t going to let them hear from me.

The head came when my mom wrote some trash apology letter to me (i wish i still had it but i shredded it as soon as i read it) that was really an attack on me disguised as an apology that she took no real accountability in. I felt so disgusting, so alone, i saw no way out. Genuinely in that moment i wanted to bleed out in my tub and i wanted Laura to find me. I took a shower and sliced my wrists, a lot. Not the long way, but deeper than i ever had, more than i ever had, and with every intention of getting to that point. I sat in the shower for a long while just watching my wrists bleed and then just kind of came to. THere was this brief panic that over took me and i went into my room and dressed in my giant sweats and sweatshirt and she came in and I showed her my wrists and we went to the er and i got hospitalized.

Yes, i was still grounded when i got out of the hospital. They gave me one day that we celebrated Christmas then they took all my presents until my grounding was done.

This is on par with my 18th birthday. I’m trying to remember why i was grounded this time. Probably weed. I got really smart about almost everything, and i feel like weed was one of them... I had my own car so it wasn’t fucking up theirs... I genuinely W I S H i could remember but honestly I don’t even know. But i was mid grounding on my birthday and they gave me my present, and then left me alone all night, so i figured out how to assemble it myself and cried most of the time.

They grounded me for a month for shaving half my head. They also came into my room while I was sleeping to shave the other half of my head. I refused. They haven’t ever crossed a physical barrier. I would have had them then. I think they might have known that...

I feel broken. Like, a scratched DVD. Like i feel like I’m just skipping at the part where i figure out how to process this shit.

It’s hard its really really hard. I mean talking about it makes it less hard, and I’m glad i was able to talk to Scott. He didn’t seem to really get it until i told him about the diary thing. It’s different for everyone, the part that makes it click when i share my story. It’s usually something they understand personally for one reason or another.

But its hard. I don’t think anyone really gets it, like I don’t think this sort of stuff is fit for conversation with anyone but trained professionals and myself.

My finger hurts and my tummy hurts i think because i had soda and I wanna be more stoned but i also just... wanna not. I thought writing a little might help me feel better but its just making more depressed.

I guess that’s the mood.

Jesses going into a really rough period. He’s having a really really hard time, and just i wish I were in a better space for him. I so so wish i was better at handling my jelousy and insecurities. I’m just trying to feel good about myself. I’m trying to be supportive and kind. I just want to be open and honest. I just want to be helpful and useful. And i know i am those things really often but right now i feel like a nagging annoying ugly morbid monster with a rotting smile and scaley skin and two bellies like a fucking cow. I know i know i know it doesn’t matter if i do but like... it feel like that on the inside. I feel like, there’s just nothing i can do to fill that void, like i feel purposeless right now i guess. I don’t know why I’m here I don’t know what I’m doing nothing makes me feel full i just feel like I’m distracting myself from the empty and i know i know i know i just need to keep pushing forward and taking care of myself but sometime i just don’t want to. I wonder who I’m doing to for.

It should be for me but often i feel like I’m living just because there’s nothing else to do. ANd that’s true but its not a great way to feel. It keeps me going. I know ill get to the good moments again, and probably a lot sooner than i think. I’m just still having a hard time. I’m still struggling to process. I still need to find a therapist among a million other things.

My stomach really hurts UGH.

I wish i had more to share but I don’t. I just hurt and everything is making me sad and I’m just GAH

I wish i knew something to try I wish i had something new i wish there was a way to turn it off for like ten minutes to just remember what it feels like to exist.

AND NOW MY HEAD HURTS

Boi. Ruin m e

In conclusion, i really want to kill myself, but i wont, i really want to cut myself, but i wont, and I’m really sad and i want more coping skills and some serotonin.

Goodnight 😴

#fuckin kill me #i cant do it #but if someone else does thats okay right #oof #tummy is killing me im never having soda again #crying #sad night #sad #BIG SAD #TW suicide #TW self harm