#but it makes me feel guilty every single day that i am just not physically able or mentally stable enough to be More for her. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nellyrosesdenial · 2 months

Note

Hi. 24F

Can you please describe how you physically feel from 6 months of denial?

Do you find it more/less hard to remove your hand as you edge?

Have you gotten "used" to not orgasming?

Hey!

Thanks so much for the ask!

Physically it’s an incredibly intense feeling. I feel like my body is fire, my skin, between my thighs, all the way up the back of my scalp constantly waiting to explode. If something turns me on now, rather than just feeling a tingle, I feel like an electric rod stabs through my entire body, I nearly convulse over nothing. It’s delicious and terrifyingly powerful all at the same time. It takes me a long time to come down from that arousal euphoria, and even when I come down the baseline is still high, I never don’t want to be fucked these days. I could be on my death bed still trying to spread my legs.

I have been back and forth on whether it’s easier or harder to stop now. I guess the answer is both. Easier in the way that I absolutely know without a doubt I don’t cum. I know that continuing isn’t an option. I don’t even have to think about trying to beg or plead or reason why I should come, cumming is not for me and I accept that place now. It’s harder in the way of the physical feeling, when I am on the brink of an orgasm I feel every single one of the thousands and thousands of edges I’ve done. They have built up and burn through me. When I know how hard I would cum if I let myself it does make it a battle to take my hand away and let that world destroying orgasm fade away, again.

I definitely have got used to not orgasming now, it feels like a part of my day to day. It’s normal that I don’t get to cum. I don’t expect to. The thought of cumming now actually makes me feel guilty and anxious. Orgasm free is a safe place where I can embrace my submission, focus on pleasure and enjoy the absolute firestorm that charges within my body.

Great questions, thank you xx

#edging kink #denial #bd/sm slave #submit #bd/sm blog #slavery #degrading k1nk #cnc free use #submisive and breedable #free use slvt #edging and denial #denial journal #denial kink #denied #edge slave

87 notes · View notes

blissxjj · 7 months

Text

Obey me brothers X rich spoiled MC

SFW

Featuring:

Brothers+side characters excluding Solomon and Luke and Simeon (sorry)

I am happy to introduce Lord Diavolo and Barbatos to the scenarios i write so requests are open for them too :V

Enjoy!

Lucifer:

•He really doesn't care about your money he thinks it's impressive to be making billions at your age but he really doesn't like how spoiled you are

•He likes it when you buy him gifts and presents (he will never admit it though)

•He hates when you spend your money on useless products but then it don't even effect your bank account so he let happen

Mammon:

•At first he didn't really understand how crazy rich you are but then he asked you sarcastically to buy him a new car and you did!

•When he asked how did you manage you just showed him your own personal Goldie and he understood immediately that this little card is the key to access endless money

•People who don't really know him will think that he likes you because of your money and it makes him sad because everyone who knows him well knew that you were his love at first sight way before he knew about your money and wealth

•He sometimes hates it when you blow your money on him because you think that's what he wants all the time

•NO human! Sometimes he wants love and attention and simple surprises as small as a kiss on the cheek.

Levithan:

•He feels bad because all you were to him was his personal piggy bank but it all changed when he started to fall in love with you

•Now he only asks for things that are not materialistic like Kisses, hugs, praise

•And he knows how much you love him because any game he talks about you have it signed by the developer and bought waiting for him at his room when he comes home from RAD

•You really love how no matter how much he gets used to your gifts he is always so grateful and thankful when you get him something new

•And it makes you love him more every single day.

Satan:

•Much like Lucifer he is impressed of how much you make

•Hates it when you get all spoiled and bratty but then again he gets it you have all the right to spoil yourself it's your hard earned money after all

•Loves all the expensive hard to find books you buy for him

•he loves it when you let him spoil you from time to time it makes him happy as much as it makes you

Asmodeus:

•Dummy was going with you to salons and hair dressers shopping sprees without even realizing how much you spend

•once he checked the tag on one of your dresses that you bought for a party and almost passed out at the price

•10.000$!!!!!! For a mini dress that barely had any fabric

•he starts regretting making you buy his products but then you reassure him that it's ok and he can get what he wants

•he is hesitant at first but then he just let's it happen.

Beelzebub:

•This baby boy was getting food from you and eating it not realizing how much it actually cost you

•he once told you to not spend money on him and you almost cried on the spot he panicked asking what's wrong

•you just want to spoil him and show him how much you love him and he keeps refusing you

•then he asked you to balance between your material love and physical love

•this baby just wants to be held and kissed from time to time give him that.

Belphie:

•We all know he is the king of spoiled and bratty and you are his queen

•both of you like the attention and items you get for the both of you

•he sometimes feels guilty and stops spending with you instead showing you how much he loves you and not just your money

•but you keep spending none stop and you both go back to old habits of spending, sleeping, cuddling, sex and repeat.

Side characters:

Diavolo:

•You are at his level of wealth and thinks it's nice to meet someone at his level at something for once

•he likes spending as much as you do but he has a sense of responsibility unlike you

•he likes it when you spoil him and make him feel taken care of for a change

•He hates when you have literally everything and he can't gift you anything because you already have it all same on your side

•so when it's birthdays or occasions where gifts are supposed to be given you both give something money cannot buy...

Your bodies :)

Barbatos:

•Oh you have money....cool

•he doesn't give a shit and you know it that's why you keep trying to impress him with food, tea and mice poison but nothing does

•and he likes when you go to incredible lengths to get his attention and approval it shows him how much you really want him

•unlike the others he doesn't accept your gifts and wants you to stop being so spoiled but your puppy eyes always win

•he ends up being grateful he accepted your gifts and likes it so much you are the only one who knows what he wants most.

Masterlist

#fandom #fanfic #stories #obey me #obey me x mc #obey me x reader #obey me scenarios #obey me satan #obey me beel #obey me asmodeus #obey me belphegor #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me diavolo

131 notes · View notes

vorpalfae · 3 months

Text

Trigger Warning: Rare Illness/Health Issues [wasn't sure if this need a tw but these topics make some ppl uncomfy so i wanted to be considerate anyway💜]

so a lot of ppl have been asking me why i don't post pics anymore or why i have barely been on social media compared to how i used to be. and the reason is i've been having severe health issues for a very long time. i can't even remember the last time i went more than a month without feeling nauseous, or actually throwing up, or just having headaches and stomach pain that are so bad i can barely tolerate them.

i've known for a while that i have gastritis, but my mom & my bf convinced me to go to a new doctor for a second opinion. after months & months of pure agony and feeling exhausted and sick to the point where i have no energy, i finally know why. i went to a specialist and discovered i have a rare illness called CVS (Cyclic vomiting syndrome). and i also am lactose intolerant which was amplifying my symptoms because i eat dairy products constantly.

i am going to be starting treatment for it and i really hope it improves my life and my ability to function because i am so tired of "living" like this. just existing has been exhausting and painful. i literally haven't been able to accomplish any of the goals i have because i can't go more than a few days without feeling horrible.

i already feel useless because i'm autistic and i have bipolar 1 and i'm waiting on disability payments to come through because i am unable to work with my disabilities. so my bf has been working and doing his best to take care of me and our kids. i just feel so horrible and guilty all the time. and i genuinely didn't know why i feel sick 24/7. all i want is to feel like myself again. and to do all the things i miss doing. i feel like i'm trapped by this illness.

i'm grateful to have answers and know what i'm dealing with finally. but after suffering like this almost every single day for so long its so hard to feel hopeful for the future at this point. i'm literally in tears as i type this. its just been really bad. i never do my makeup anymore or feel good about myself. i can barely move sometimes because the pain in my stomach is so bad or i get pain in my throat from vomiting for hours at a time, and then i get MORE pain from dry heaving due to not being able to hold down any food. and then i get random migraines and headaches that last all day as a result of all of that. its taking a huge toll on my body and my mental health. my depression gets worse during the winter season so when this started getting really bad it just made my mental health a million times worse. its literal hell.

but yeah thats why i haven't been online. real life is hard enough and i haven't been motivated to post because of the hell i'm going through or a lot of the time i physically CAN'T make content. but i'm going to keep trying. i'm going to do every fucking thing my doctors tell me to do because im so fed up with suffering. i promise that i will make content again and post the things i create and other stuff i used to post about before i stopped being able to function. as soon as i start to feel semi normal or at least well enough to do daily activities and complete even small goals, i will post about it. i'll keep u guys updated.

i appreciate every single person who follows me and my content, and all the ppl who keep checking up on me and wondering where the fuck i went. i love you guys so much💜 and i'm so sorry to all the ppl who haven't heard from me. if i can gain at least a little bit of my physical strength and health back, i will be so happy. i also am trying to get vitamins prescribed to me because im severely lacking nutrients but they are so expensive and i can't afford them out of pocket until i get my disability money. i'm also anemic and have to start taking iron supplements again. i'm just a giant ball of health issues😭 its actually ridiculous how bad my health has been. but i'm a mom and for that reason i will never stop trying. i will do whatever it takes to get better. i don't think my health could get much worse than it is currently. hopefully i didn't just jinx myself by saying that😭

sorry for the super long explanation, i just have sooo many messages in my inbox and questions that you guys send me that i haven't answered. i don't want to leave u in the dark. the connections i've made on this silly little blog mean the world to me. and everything i've been going through has been so hard to explain. but since i recently got a REAL answer as to why i'm suffering so much, i felt it was a good time to let you guys know what is going on with me. like i said, when i am able to feel somewhat normal again i will post consistently and re-open my shop too! it sucks so bad having a passion for creating but being too sick to even get out of bed other than to get sick in the bathroom. i've been to the emergency room more times this month than i have in the last 4 years. if i can overcome this awfulness i will not take it for granted. i will work harder than i ever have to create and share it with the world. but for now i just have to sit back and do whatever my doctors tell me to do and hope to god that it helps me 😞

#kh

58 notes · View notes

great-and-small · 1 year

Note

hey i know this is really heavy but... My pet of 13 years was put to sleep yesterday morning and I was wondering if you have any tips on handling the loss and absence of him. My whole family is struggling really hard and I would appreciate it.

Anon I have been thinking about how to answer this and what words of comfort I can offer you in this time of grief. I have held the hand of so many people through the death of their pet and still I oftentimes find myself at a loss for words. It’s something I think about a lot, so I’m sorry that this is quite long-winded.

I was driving my grandmother to a doctors appointment a few weeks ago and she was telling me about her first dog, a Boston terrier named Guppy that she’d had since she was 8 years old. She told me that during her first year in college she received an unexpected phone call from home out of the blue. In those times, phone calls were expensive and you really only got an unscheduled call when a relative or loved one had passed away. She told me that as she was walking to the room to take the call she had prayed to God that the news on the other end of the line would be the death of her own grandmother, rather than the now geriatric Guppy who had been sick for some time. It was a call about Guppy of course, and my grandma told me she’s been guilty her whole life for wishing that a family member had died instead. She told me that she was intentionally sharing this story with me because she didn’t want me to ever feel guilty if I grieve the loss of my dog more than I do her death someday. She told me that the love of a pet is something different, and losing it hurts in a different way.

This was a morbid story with a morbid sentiment (though entirely in character for my grandma) but it got me thinking about the nature of our grief for pets. They are such constants in our lives that in many ways losing them can be harder to bear than the loss of someone who matters to you in a completely different way. My grandma didn’t love her dog more than she loved her relative, it’s just a different type of grief.

Do not let anyone (including yourself) minimize your loss, because your pet was here, they were important, and your love for them mattered immensely.

So now let me say this; I am so happy that your pet was able to spend 13 years with a family that loved and treasured them. I hope for every single one of my patients to have that safety and warmth and affection, your pet was lucky to be so dearly loved. That said, here are some little things that I will recommend to people who ask me for help in dealing with the loss of their companion.

Take things one day at a time. This sounds like a cliche and maybe it is one but I found it helped me. Try not to think about the future without your pet, but focus on getting through the day, especially in the short term after the loss. Take care of yourself and your physical needs as much as you can.

Actively grieve your pet. By this I mean, dealing with grief is hard work that cannot be ignored or put aside. Rather than shying away from memories of your pet, take the time to purposefully think about them and the life they shared with you. It hurts and it sucks so much, but there is no shortcut through it.

Memorialize your pet. This can be anything, but try to find a way to honor your pet’s memory. Make a painting, or volunteer at an animal shelter for a day, donate old blankets to a vets office in your pets name, make a rock garden, buy a fruit tree and plant it somewhere, put together a photo collage of your pet. Doing little things like this helped me more than anything else when I was grieving my dog.

Talk about them. It seems so dumb but I swear it helps. Talk about what they were like when they were little, what funny things they did to make you laugh, what it meant to have them by your side through all those years. It doesn’t have to be a therapist, but find someone kind who can listen to the stories about your pet that made them who they were.

And most of all please know that someday (maybe not soon, but someday) it will hurt less. In the meantime please be kind to yourself as much as you can.

#asks #pet death #pet loss #animal death #long post

376 notes · View notes

cosmic-d1ce · 7 months

Text

FML again

Pac realised he really isn't a good person.

"Do you ever... want to tell someone something but can't?" Pac asks, looking to the stars with a distant expression. He doesn't seem all there tonight, something has been bothering him. Fit can tell.

"Not really. Why?"

"I just... I wanna tell you something but I know that if I do, everything will get worse." Pac's eyes drift from the sky and over to the side, away from Fit.

They've been sat together for some time. It's something they like to do sometimes, to relax. Together. It's nice. It's always calm, just the two of them, usually at night. A single lantern shared between the pair. Foolish called it romantic.

"How so?" Fit prompts, watching Pac's expression carefully.

"It's... hard to explain." Pac hesitates before he continues. "I know this is something you want to know. It's something you deserve to know. I just know I can't tell you."

Fit hums. "Sounds complicated."

"It is." Pac huffs. "It's so... awful. I hate it. I can't do anything about it."

"What do you mean?"

"Well... I think I could have. A while ago. It's too late now." Pac's voice trembles slightly. "We laughed when we found out. Our friend was being hurt and all we did was laugh. We could have done something but didn't because it just... didn't matter to us."

Fit can't quite figure out what Pac is talking about. "What?"

"We got told that something awful was happening and we all laughed. Me, Mike, Cellbit, Felps- and Forever! We- we all laughed about it." Pac reiterates. "We watched someone be mentally and physically destroyed and laughed about it! We did nothing because we didn't care."

Fit grows more concerned with every word. "This... sounds really serious, Pac." he says, unable to keep the nervous tremble out of his voice.

"It is! It really is but I can't... we can't do anything." Pac cards his fingers through his hair, making it messy.

"Why not?"

"I told you. Everything will get worse. People will be hurt, you might get hurt, I might get hurt! I don't want that!" Pac raises his voice and finally turns to look Fit in the eye as he finishes. His eyes shine with unshed tears.

"Pac-"

"I just want to protect the people I love." His voice is quiet again as he pulls his knees up to his chest. "I feel so guilty. Sometimes, I feel like I'm no better than the people we're fighting. Y'know, at least the Federation look for their kidnapped workers. They don't laugh when one of them gets hurt. They do something about it."

Fit hesitates. "That's... Only partly true. You're a great person Pac, you have nothing to worry about..."

"I'm not. I've changed a lot since being here and I just... I was... I am an awful person, Fit. For what I've done to him... Even if I haven't directly hurt him, I let it happen. I watched his life be destroyed and laughed about it!"

Fit can't help but wonder what he's talking about. It could be a lot of things. It could be something from before the island. Fit really has no way to know. He wonders, though, what it could be if it was recent. What could it be? Who could he be talking about?

It takes a while for it to click. It takes a few days before Fit makes the connection between what Pac told him and Phil.

When he comes into Cellbit's castle to talk to Pac and sees him with both Cellbit and Phil, everything seems to make sense again.

"Pac... Can I talk to you?" Fit asks, after a cautious apology for barging in unannounced.

Cellbit and Pac share a quick glance.

"We'll be okay, I think...? Cellbit gives Phil a questioning look, silently asking for confirmation. When Phil nods, Cellbit looks back to Pac, "You can go."

Fit takes a second to take in what he's seeing. Something is wrong with Phil. His leg. There's a golden apple, bandages and a potion next to him on the bench. Cellbit and Pac seem to be tending to whatever wound he's gotten. Fit is still somewhat angry with Phil, he never got over what he did. It still hurts. Still, he feels bad. A part of him wants to go over and help, the part of him that worries that what Pac said was about Phil. The rest of him feels too bitter.

"Warp over to mine?" Fit suggets, pulling out his warp stone.

Pac nods as he takes his from his pocket. They warp and Fit can't wait more than a few seconds before he speaks.

"Pac. The other day. Were... were you talking about Phil?"

His companion is taken aback for a moment too long. "I-I can't tell you... I'm sorry."

Fit isn't sure if he should take that as confirmation or not. He's worried. Unbelievably so. Pac seems so sad, so upset and worried and scared and Fit can't stand to see it. He's worried about Pac and he's worried about Phil. Despite everything, he's worried about the stupid bastard. This was the only thing that could make him stop worrying but it's only made it worse.

"I want to tell you, Fit. I do, I really do. I know it would make you feel better if I could but I can't. Please, understand."

"I do. I get it. I'm just... worried. I'm so worried. About you and Phil."

Pac is surprised, "I thought you hated him?"

"No... I was just angry. I'm still angry but he was my friend and I do care. If you were talking about him... I don't think I'd ever forgive myself..." Fit feels his heart sink at the thought of it.

"You should. It's not your fault." Pac doesn't hesitate for even a moment before he responds.

Fit is almost certain he knows what that means.

He was right.

#qsmp #forever my love au #philever #forphil #qsmp pac #qsmp fit #hideduo #tw abuse mention #tw abuse #qsmp fic #qsmp fanfiction #qsmp au

61 notes · View notes

whentherewerebicycles · 8 days

Note

How is motherhood (so far)? It seems like such a crazy shift from one life to another!

it is SO good so far!!! here are some scattered feelings & thoughts:

i have been warned that a big hormone crash is coming and i am sure that will be tough to weather! but right now i am feeling so good - still just riding that endorphin high. i feel physically good too, like tired and a little sore, but really way better than i expected to feel three days after giving birth.

my transition into parenthood has been majorly eased by the fact that my mom is here and is doing virtually all of the newborn care tasks for me right now - nighttime feedings (i take over around 5am but my hands are so bad in the night), diaper changes, tracking how much he's eating, making food, etc. she is even helping me breastfeed because it involves a level of manual dexterity i am not currently capable of most of the time. i am so so so so so so grateful to have her here. part of me feels kind of guilty, like i'm probably supposed to be feeling way more stressed out and overwhelmed trying to manage the cognitive and physical demands of new parenthood, but i am trying to quiet that voice in my brain by reminding myself that there are going to be PLENTY of times in the future where i'll get to feel overwhelmed and exhausted and in over my head as a single parent. she is so happy and so excited to do this for me, and i am trying to just let myself rest and enjoy it.

it is so special to do this with my mom. i was saying to her yesterday, like, i can totally see how taking care of a new baby with a partner would be a richly meaningful experience, and i can see that there are things i am missing out on on that front. but also if i were doing this with a partner i wouldn't get to be doing this with my mom, and i would be missing out on an experience that i am finding just as richly meaningful and rewarding. i feel so close to her and i love her so much and i know that for the rest of my life i am going to remember how special it was to get to watch her love owen so much and take such good care of him (and me) in his first days of life. i feel so lucky. i thought i would feel SO overwhelmed but instead i just feel really loved and taken care of, and i feel really close to my mom, and i feel like we are the happiest little family unit right now. i love it so much. also she calls him "my little guy" and “my best friend” and i almost cry every time. hormones but also love, you know.

owen is perfect. i feel like i felt intensely close to him right after the birth, and then i had kind of a hard first day after in the hospital where there were just TOO MANY PEOPLE coming in at all hours and doing exams on me or on him, and there was no time to rest and bond with him, and i started feeling very overwhelmed and kinda like do i even KNOW this baby? this baby is a STRANGER to me and if i hadn't had a baby i would be at HOME right now in my own SPACE without anyone coming in every 15 min day and night to bother me. that first long hospital day was really rough and then i was relieved to finally get home that night but also super cranky and tired, and i couldn't figure out how to get my pump to work, and he got very fussy in the night and i was like AAAAAAA. but then we spent all of yesterday doing so much skin-to-skin cuddling and napping in bed which is just the nicest thing imaginable, and now i am like this is my BABY he is PERFECT look at him!!!! he is so snuggly and good.

i am glad that my brother had a newborn a couple months before i did because i think it helped prepare me for how gently boring the newborn stage can be lol. not in a bad way! it's so sweet and i think will involve lots of wonderful sleepy snuggling!! but they are awake so infrequently and do not have personalities yet, and you are kind of like hm. should more be happening, or...? but no. nothing more should be happening lol they will just be sweet sleepy lumps for a good long time. my nephew is nine? ten? weeks old now and is definitely starting to become way more alert/engaged, so i know a personality is coming haha and i will just enjoy my little sweet lump right now because he won't be like this ever again!! also it's nice to be able to just let him sleep next to me while i do other stuff. i think it will ease the transition a bit... like yes now we are on this endless cycle of pumping, attempting to breastfeed, bottlefeeding him, changing him, watching him sleep, pumping again, etc but i can read or watch stuff in between because he requires so little attention while sleeping (except for LOTS OF KISSES he requires LOTS OF LITTLE KISSES because he is so SWEET!!!!). also idk i am sure i will get bored of being off work but right now it has been so restful to delete outlook & teams from my phone and just be like who cares about weird office politics i have way more important things to do like kiss a sleeping baby on the forehead a hundred times and tell him he is the best and handsomest boy in the whole world. life is very good lol.

#baby tag

43 notes · View notes

khaire-traveler · 9 days

Note

Will the gods mind if I go into periods of stagnancy where I can do little to no active worship? I struggle with a lot of mental illness and am typically very busy so there are periods during which I cannot do my typical prayer and conversing and such

Hey, Entity,

I feel this post by @doves-of-aphrodite puts my thoughts on this matter the best. I feel that the love and care of deities are not so surface level as to disappear when someone isn't able to actively worship.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I feel every worshipper should go a period without giving offerings. For me, it changed my perspective on worship entirely. Just as you ask for help from loved ones without always giving immediately in return, I feel we are allowed to ask for help from deities without being able to give immediately in return. Kindness that is only given with the expectation of receiving in return shouldn't be the cornerstone of a relationship, in my opinion.

Of course, it's healthy to return the favor, especially to show appreciation and care, but that shouldn't be an "always expectation" that happens every single time you ask for help. The relationship becomes more of a formal exchange to me, and that's personally not what I look for when interacting with deities. For me, when a deity relationship is built solely on offerings and nothing else, there is this neverending pressure to give and give and give, and it discourages me from reaching out when I need help because I'm unable to give in that moment. That discouragement isn't a good thing if it prevents you from communicating with your deities. They aren't a bank that keeps a record of the debt you pay back to them; they are beings with the ability to care for and love humans, and the maturity to understand that humans sometimes don't have the ability to immediately give back.

All of this is to say that I don't think it's healthy to put so much pressure on ourselves to immediately provide an offering of thanks. It can easily consume a deity relationship, in my experience, and make a relationship feel much less personal and much more conditional. It's ok to take your time with things. If you feel guilty, maybe just let the deity know that it will take you some time before you can give an offering directly. I'm certain they have the ability to show you some grace for that.

Also, I believe it's extremely important to remember that worship doesn't always come in the form of giving a physical offering. Worship can be subtle, such as listening to a playlist you create for them, saving pictures on a Pinterest board that reminds you of them, or even just taking care of yourself as an act of devotion. You could even just offer a glass of water and proceed to drink that water, and that can be an act of worship. It doesn't need to be this huge and elaborate thing where you dedicate some lengthy ritual and a luxurious offering. It's ok if your worship is much more subtle for a time. You're allowed to worship in seemingly small ways. Those small things add up to a pretty solid relationship built on genuine care - enough care to think of a deity while going about your day.

Even with this idea of subtle worship, however, you still are not required to give a ton of offerings or put a ton of effort into worship when you're unable to. I believe that deities would prefer us to take care of ourselves first, rather than expending every last drip of energy on devoting ourselves to them. Take care of you for now. Your deities aren't going anywhere.

I hope this helped you. This is, of course, based on my personal practice, and there is no right way of going about worship or anything of the sort. There are no rules or guidelines that we must follow; we make of it what we see fit. Take care, and have a good day/night. 🧡

#asks #answered asks #deity worship

21 notes · View notes

audhdnight · 8 months

Text

Btw, if a disabled or mentally ill person (or honestly just anyone who’s really burnt out and exhausted with life, such as caregivers) tells you that they have to use disposables to clean and function in their day to day life, and your response is anything remotely like “well you’re a horrible person because that plastic you just used is killing the planet” I need you to know that you are ableist, classist, and just a shitty person, and I hate you.

Yes, I know that using paper towels and Clorox wipes is not as sustainable or healthy for the ecosystem as just using regular towels and rags. However, I am fucking exhausted all the time, and if I use regular rags, I will not have the energy to clean them. They will sit in my kitchen and get moldy and have to be thrown away anyway. And then my family is living in unsafe conditions because we’re breathing mold spores.

Additionally, we are fucking poor. We don’t have a washer and dryer. If I want to do laundry I have to load it all up in my car, drive across town to the only laundromat, spend most of my day switching things over and waiting for machines to open up, spend about thirty bucks (probably more, because the dryers are shit and never actually dry things on the first cycle), load everything back into the car, drive back home, and then sort and fold and put away everything I just washed.

That is not feasible most of the time, because I am disabled, I don’t have that money to spend, and I am the primary caregiver for our baby who has extreme sensitivities to changes in our routine. I can’t just take him to the laundromat with me, and I don’t have anyone to watch him while I go. Most days I’m not physically capable of carrying baskets of laundry to and from my vehicle. And again, we can not afford the laundromat. Anything that I can do to reduce the amount of laundry we need to wash in a month, I’m going to do.

All of this to say, please for the love of god consider that there are literally thousands of reasons someone might not be doing “clean living” or choosing the most eco-friendly option all the time. We can’t all cut out disposables. I already feel guilty enough that I can’t just function like a normal person, you do not need to butt in and make it worse.

If your activism for the environment and the earth goes so far as to make you apathetic to the struggles and needs of the real actual people around you, you need to reconsider where your morals lie.

(It’s also worth noting that every regular person on the planet together does not generate ANYWHERE NEAR the amount of plastic and toxic waste in a year that mega corporations do in a matter of weeks or months. I’m not saying that the average man doesn’t need to make as many good and healthy choices as they are able, but seriously, most of us are not the real issue here. Go fight the logging and fracking companies killing the ecosystem. Go attack the capitalist mega-corps like Walmart and Amazon and Disney and Apple that discard so much plastic they are almost single-handedly killing the oceans themselves.)

#ableism #classism #ecofriendly #global warming #environmetalists #disability #plastic waste #recycling #things that fucking matter #burnout #mentally tired #mentalheathawareness #chronically ill #text post #nightramblestm

55 notes · View notes

ros3ybabes · 7 months

Text

Things I Currently Do For Better Health 🎀

Hi lovelies 💗

I try to live my life in alignment with my values, the biggest value being improved quality of life. I like to think I've included a lot of different things into my life to improve overall quality of health and life. So here's a list of things I do that help me with consistent improved health!

*I do not do these things every single day/every single week! Sometimes life happens, as I am a full time employee and a full time college student, so there are times I am too busy or too tired for some things. However, these are things I like to work really hard to consistently implement in my life <3

🩷 Mental (Intelect) Health -

Reading at least 1 chapter of a book, typically self help or productivity focused

Studying a 2nd language! Currently focusing on Japanese but contemplating adding in Spanish as a secondary focus

Consuming informative content! I love podcasts, and I really like watching Ted talks! And of course, the books I read tend to be more non-fiction, just from personal preference

Academics! Keeping up with my school work and academic life keeps me well informed. I'm always learning something new in my classes! I also personally enjoy studying, I lowkey love academic validation!

🩷 Mental (Emotional) Health -

Journaling! I try to follow a guided journal as often throughout the week as I can and I try to do some writing in my normal journal every so often, but honestly I've been a little too busy for journaling

Therapy! I know not everyone has access to a therapist, but I absolutely love being able to talk to a mental health professional at least once a week. My therapist has been the greatest help, especially as things have gotten more stressful in my life.

Rest! It's really important for me to have down time and not feel guilty about taking some rest time for myself. I always make sure I'm in a position to take rest without compromising school work or anything, but I try to have some time during the week where I can just lay in bed and do nothing for a while.

Meditation! This is one I'm still trying to implement, but I used to meditate for 5 to 10 minutes in the morning and it always gave me some mental clarity and ease of kind for the day. Definitely want to pick it back up!

Yoga! So good for mindfulness, finding stillness and relaxation, and overall ease of my being in general. It's like a super peaceful flowy version of stretching, and I'm adding this back into my routine slowly.

🩷 Physical Health -

Exercise! I try to get in movement daily. Some days that's lifting weights in the gym or doing some moderate cardio on the treadmill, and other days that means light cardio from everyday tasks or some mindful stretching and yoga to relax my body after a long day

Sleep! I try to get 6 to 8 hours a night at minimum otherwise I tend to over do the caffiene which only hurts me in the long run. Quality sleep is important for me, it helps me regulate my mood, my energy levels, and my appetite and cravings! The worse and less sleep I get, the crankier and hungrier I tend to be

Nutrition and Hydration! I do not believe in restricting foods, I believe in healthy moderation and healthy substitution. I try to eat a decent amount of protein and fiber, while not restricting or feeling guilt on days I eat a little higher fats or carbs. Balance is key! And water is so important!! It helps my skin, my energy, my hunger signals, everything!

Skincare!! I feel so amazing after a full skincare routine. My morning routine is simple for now, but there's nothing like a good skincare routine to make me feel my best and most confident.

🩷 Miscellaneous-

regular doctor appointments! eye exams, general physician checkups, mental health appointments, dental, all of it! you'll never know what aspect of your health needs some work if you don't keep an eye on it! I look forward to all my appointments as it always gives me insight into my health that I otherwise wouldn't know.

Balance! I work full time, 5 days a week. I go to classes in person 4 days a week plus two online classes for a total of almost 18 credit hours. I'm stressing about finances, insurance, future classes, and my current grades. Therefore, I make sure to find time for the gym, for my skincare routine, for my therapy appointments, and for quality sleep. If I let any aspect of my self care and health slide, I'd be a spiraling mess, and I can't afford to do that to myself, nor do I want to. I deserve self care and rest and good days, and I always like to play an active part in having a good day for myself! Balance is key!

That's all for now, lovelies. My greatest value in my personal life in regards to myself is a high quality of life and I want to ensure I get that! I love working on my health and taking care of myself. I love keeping myself healthy and happy and functioning. We all deserve good health, happiness, and positive days!

til next time, lovelies 💗

47 notes · View notes

cat3ch1sm · 10 months

Text

🧚🏾‍♂️~ hello, everyone! i am so so sorry for not writing anything at all and leaving you all for so long. i am back now, though- i promise!! please enjoy these brief Agni black butler headcanons in the meantime, while i try and get back into writing longer fics. also, announcement- i now write for across the spider-verse! check my masterlist (pinned)?for some more info :)) i love you all and thanks for your support, it means the world even if im not the most deserving of it. enjoy agni lovers <33

⇢ ˗ˏˋ fem!reader, slight nsfw ࿐ྂ

𝐚𝐠𝐧𝐢 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐩𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐡𝐢𝐦! <𝟑𝟑

not gonna lie, you definitely caught him off guard. normally he’s the one pampering other people and helping them to feel loved and welcomed- not the other way around.

a little while after you two got together, agni returned home with some injuries to his arms. he was just going to tend to it himself at some point- he didn’t think you’d offer to help him at all. but agni tells you that he’s fine and can take care of it himself- and is again surprised when you just clean up his wounds and bandage his arms anyway, taking great care to rewrap his sacred right hand. he makes sure to thank you profusely and say that he owes you, but agni tells you to not do it again because he can tend it his own injuries, and besides, he wants to be the one doing things like that for you, not the other way around.

he insists over and over again that you don’t need to do anything for him- you make him food and help him out of his work clothes when he’s tired, come to him with breakfast in the morning (somehow always waking up before him just to do this even though agni wakes up criminally early every day), help him get ready in the morning by doing his hair and running a bath for him, etc.

agni feels guilty often whenever you do stuff for him because he fees like he doesn’t deserve it. there was a time in his life where he was greedy and selfish and he still thinks of that often. he doesn’t want there to be a single moment where he isn’t doing something to help someone else. that’s really one of the main reasons he doesn’t like you pampering him so much.

agni has definitely tried to physically stop you from pampering him all the time. like imagine you’re trying to take off his coat for him after work and hang it up for him, and he literally has your wrists in his hands, pushing you away from him (without trying to harm you of course) while insisting that he can do it himself and you’ve had a long day too so you don’t need to do anything for him. these types of disagreements can honestly go on for ages😭

sometimes the two of you will even find yourselves subconsciously competing for who can make the other feel most loved and cared for. none of you ever win or lose- you’re both too stubborn and persistent.

“would you like me to fix your dinner plate for you, agni?”

“ah, i could not allow you to do that for me, my lady. but please, allow me to assist you with the cleaning of the kitchen.”

“oh, don’t worry, i can take care of it myself. but i can help you clean upstairs if you’d like.”

“while i appreciate your kindness, i am able to handle that myself. and i will add downstairs to that list as well, if you do not mind.”

it’s way more passive aggressive in person but also sickeningly sweet.

the only thing agni will let you do without a fight to pamper him is play with his hair while you’re both in bed about to go to sleep. he finds it therapeutic and relaxing.

even though agni does not want to let you dote on him so much, he makes sure to thank you just like you deserve later. he provides you with twice the amount of love and pleasure that you provided him during the day- although not quite in the same way💚

#agni headcanons #anime #black butler imagines #black butler headcanons #kuroshitsuji headcanons #kuroshitsuji x reader #kuroshitsuji imagines #agni x reader #reader x agni #you x agni #agni x you #agni x female reader #black butler memes #black butler fic

94 notes · View notes

oceansssblue · 5 months

Text

[THE BAD BATCH]—COMFORTING THE STUDENT series.

TECH/READER

WARNING: ANXIETY 💔, COMFORTING FLUFF 💖. NO PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION OF READER. ONLY THING MENTIONED IS READER BEING A MED STUDENT (AKA WHAT I AM, SORRY).

EVER BEEN STRESSED AS A STUDENT? WELL, JUST IMAGINE IF YOUR BB BOYFRIEND CAME TO THE RESCUE. THAT'S THIS.

You read page after page as quick and fast as you can, your eyes flying through the textbook uploaded in your datapad and devouring the unit you're supossed to know by now. You're supossed to have learnt every single unit, actually, as there's only three days left til your exam; and yet this is the first time you've come across this particular one.

It's not that you're a bad student. It's not that you're a good student and time has simply slipped through your fingers, either. No; you've been studying for this exam for months now, keeping up with your collage lessons day by day, making notes and checking extra books that could probably save up the gym fee for some. It's just literally impossible. You've got a hundred units for just one subject, each of them with a hundred slides too. It would already be difficult to prepare for that; and the worst thing is that that is just one of the seven subjects you have for this semester. On top of the pure studying, you have to add the endless –and mandatory– seminar lessons, practical cases, and your non-stop system of rotations in Coruscant's main hospital. You wake up at seven –and eat your breakfeast on the run–; start your theorical lessons at 0800, and finish them at 1300. You get a half an hour break to have lunch; then, you rotate in the hospital til 1830. When you finally get back home, artificial lights are already dimming in Coruscant; you do a study marathon, and pass out in your bed til the next day starts with the same strict routine again.

You love your career. You actually enjoy studying what you do and learning about how the different's species body functions and how to cure them; love helping people too. It makes you happy, as simple as that. It's just... Sometimes you just wished it weren't so difficult. You wished your choice would allow you to live more fully; to go out with your friends more, spend time with your family, to just take a day to yourself with absolutely nothing to do –and not feeling guilty about it–. You're afraid of missing out. But it's your choice. You just hope you're enough to make it through.

Your heart beat speeds up, and your breathing starts to quicken. You don't stop, just try to mentally calm yourself down while you keep flying through the text book. It obviously doesn't work. You're more stressed with each minute that tickles by; all your worries mixing up in your head and making it impossible to think and concentrate. You gulp. It's hard to swallow, now; the knot in your throat dangerously squeezing inch by inch, second by second. You tug at the collar of your shirt, trying to ease the feeling. You feel like you want to cry and shout at the same time. You feel like you want to claw your stress out and nausea pools at your stomach. Your throat keeps tightening, and you can't breath, your eyes tear up til they blurr your vision and...

"Breathe" the firm, gentle voice cuts out through everything, and your head snaps up.

Tech is kneeling in front of you. His own inseparatable datapad lays abandoned on the floor; his bright warm chocolate eyes completely focused on yours behind the yellow lenses of his goggles.

You're nearly hiperventilating, now; you're hands reach to him and your nails sink desperately onto his forearms, eyes begging for help.

"Just focus on me, cyare. You know you're safe with me" he says, voice calm and controlled even if it's killing him to see you suffer. "You always are".

Tech searches your face before starting with a relaxing technique he had learnt years ago; when he himself had been scared of not meeting up the kaminoans expectations in a younger age. He knows what this is about.

"Tell me five things you can see. Do it for me" he commands, softly, hands gently moving to your shoulders and slowly caressing them up and down.

Tech has to repeat his petition for you to actually be able to process it. You stare at him, putting all your effort in trying to think an answer for him. It's stupid, really; but in moments like these it's like your brain slows downs and jumps everywhere. It's difficult to think.

Tech's eyes never leave yours. It's one of the things you've always liked about him; his warm chocolate gaze. It makes you feel special and loved; not disminished at all by those yellow...

"Goggles" you come up with, finally, and the small smile that lightens up Tech's face is a price on its own.

"Correct" he answers, nodding, thumbs making slow circles on your shoulders. "Only four additional ones left".

You nod slowly and search him. He's not wearing his armour. He never does when he's in your apartment, always abandoning it carefully by the front door in a practiced pile. The only thing he conserves is his datapad, that –as you noticed before– it's abandoned on the floor next to him.

"Datapad" you answer, therefore, eyes keeping your scan and quickly finding other things. "Tea cup, music recorder, candle".

Your breathing starts to slow down; not as laboured as before. Tech nods and continues with the technique.

"Four things you can touch".

You frown, a bit confused with this strange method to calm you down, but you follow through. If you should trust someone with something, it's definitively your boyfriend. He's the smartest person you've ever met. And probably that you'll ever meet.

You look around again, your mind unconsciously processing things you are touching now, with purpose or not.

"Clothes, floor mat" you begin, confident, quickly stealing a glance across your room and finishing your task "pillows, closet".

Tech humms. Your heartbeat slows down.

"Three you can hear".

You pay attention to your next sense. Coruscant has always been a busy city; it's never truly silent, not even inside your apartment.

"Traffic, people, your sweet voice" you answer, smiling at your last choice, and your beloved clone smiles in amused surprise.

"Two things you can smell?".

You do a little scrunch with your nose without even being aware of it.

"Leftovers" you confess with a hit of embarassment "and your deodorant".

"Well, I feel lucky someone appreciates it, at least. I'm glad I haven't carried the Marauder's odor with me" he jokes, and he succeeds in making you smile.

The knot on your throat finally starts to dissapear, and you feel like you can breathe again, like you're back in control of yourself. You can think clearer and process everything better. Your nails stop clinging to Tech's forearms, and turns to a gentle hold instead.

Fuck, you love this man. He has everything you've ever looked for in a partner. Respect, attraction, trust. Someone that doesn't need you but that wants to stay; someone that shares his interests, thoughts and feelings and learns about yours as well. Someone that you admire and feel safe with; and not just because he's a soldier and is physically able to. It's mental, as well; you can be yourself with him, without feeling the need to tone yourself down or fearing mistakes. And your favourite part; when you have an argument, he doesn't run away. He gives you space, if you need it; but you always adress the issue and he's able to keep a gentleness and logical disposition even then. You talk about things; and he doesn't have a problem admiting the things he did wrong himself. You do, too. That's probably why you've been together this long; why you work so well.

Affection warms your body and you bend towards him; Tech quickly understanding your need to feel closer to him and carefully holding your face in his hands, bringing your foreheads together in the keldabe kiss he had taught you about when you first started seeing each other. You inmediately melt into his half embrace, and he sighs in contentment too.

"One thing you can taste" he whispers, at last, across your lips, and you already know there's only one right answer for this.

"You" you answer back, voice equally soft and gentle, and you slowly kiss his lips and relax in his arms. Your boyfriend smiles and –unhurriedly– kisses you back.

Tech will offer to help you study after, you know this; he'll find dozens of nemotechnicall tricks for you to remember the hardest things, explain everything you don't quite understand. He'll pin-point the most important aspects and even make you a list of the questions that have more posibilities of making it into the exam. You can do it. You just need to keep working, give it your best. You've been through this before. And if inspite of everything you fail, then it's not the end of the world. You'll have more chances, even if it's unfair and annoying; you'll finish your career sooner or later, and no-one is gonna steal that from you. And defintely not a stupid exam.

For now, you breathe him in and enjoy the moment of peace. Tech hums contently and tilts your head to a better position, deepening the kiss; his thumbs caressing the skin of your cheeks while you melt for him.

<< Just five more minutes >> you think, abandoning your chair in favor of your boyfriends lap. Tech chuckles in amusement and holds you tight.

"I love you, cyare" he mumbles, nuzzling lazily into your neck, feeling glad to see you coming back to yourself.

You sigh and caress his hair.

"I love you too, handsome" you pull away enough to look into his eyes, Tech holding your gaze "Thank you".

He nods and you kiss him again.

THE END.

----------------------

TARAAAA! I HOPE YOU'VE LIKED THIS LITTLE COMFORT ONE-SHOT. I'M PLANNING TO DO ONE FOR EACH BATCH MEMBER, WITH THEIR DIFFERENT APROACHES TOWARDS IT. TECH IS JUST THE FIRST; I'LL WRITE THE OTHERS THESE DAYS!

REMEMBER—IF YOU PUT TRUE EFFORT IN SOMETHING, CHANCES ARE YOU GET WHAT YOU'RE WORKING FOR. BUT IF YOU DON'T, DON'T LET THAT STOP YOU. WE ARE NOT MACHINES, WE DON'T GET EVERYTHING AT THE FIRST TIME. THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T DO IT OR YOUR VALUE IS ANY LESS. TREAT YOURSELF KINDLY; YOU CAN DO WONDERFUL THINGS, JUST BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF.

AS ALWAYS, LET ME KNOW IF YOU'VE LIKED IT AND REBLOG IS ALWAYS APRECIATED! REQUESTS/PROMPTS OPENED :)

Xx,

Sky.

Back to my masterlist here:

23 notes · View notes

z0-ne · 5 months

Text

Christmas time (Fish eyes! Uncle illumi x child reader! platonic)

Dead dove: do not eat - Mentions of emotional abuse, physical, scars, suicidal thoughts kidnapping and isolation. Read with caution!

It's a Holiday. A Holiday I should celebrate, or at least I should be celebrating. I should be happy I've finally found my way out of that wretched room.

My nails are bent and some hanging onto the skin by a thread, but I am free of that cold dark room.

My feet may be bare, the snow stings at my toes, freezing my nerves and causing me to shiver, but I don't have to worry about the cruel gaze of those empty black eyes. The ones that stare at me, unblinking, unfeeling as I am whipped for failing to win his sick games or the games of his accomplice.

I'm alone, but I am alive. I am older than I was when I was brought here. I am no longer that small child, sobbing their days away with a grumbling stomach. A ten year old child stands in their place.

I have learned my way around that house, but it was easier in the summer to track a way out. With the snow piling, nearly reaching up to my knees with every step, the wind harsh and unforgiving as more snow covers my line of sight.

Winter is cold and merciless.

I keep going. I'm not sure what I am really looking for at this point, I want a way out. But I cant tell if I'm closer or further from my goal. What will I do once I think I'm safe?

Will I run? Will I simply hide away? If I hide where would I hide? As far as Im concerned there isnt another sign of life for miles, and the winter is much to harsh for me to make it to town just to get others killed like....

Like I did all that time ago. The memories of her dead corpse, her lifeless body hiting the ground, how she painted the grass red with her blood. It haunts me to this day, and I know it should.

He's told me, so many times. Nothing would've happened had I simply stayed where I was told to be. Had I not let my curiosity- no, my stupidity get to me, I wouldn't have led her to her death.

At first, I was in denial, I tried to push away my thoughts of accountability, burying them under false thoughts that I was simply a child.

Excuses. Thats what it was, and I am much to old for those now. So where can I go? What can I do? I can not go to another, for the fear of killing someone else for my own selfish needs is far too much for me to bare.

The snow grows taller, and my body grows colder. However I keep walking, for some reason I don't stop. Its like my body won't let me.

The body that should be dead, but stays alive only by taking from others. I should've died that day. Not her, not my Nanny, such a kind selfless soul, even in her last moments she did nothing but give while all I did was stand by and take.

I took her chance of life away once I ran, I took it away once I stayed still instead of running back to her and pleading to go home.

'Home.'. I think to myself, my breath hitches as my heart stops for just a moment. What is that at this point? Is it the place where I am beaten for allowing my steps to be heard in the halls?? Where I am told I should feel guilty for being alive when if given the chance I'd gladly fix my mistake?

Is it the place where I thought I'd be happier, surrounded with my siblings, my parents, in a warm area with a fire infront of me to keep me warm. Food on the stove, the smell of it enough to make my mouth water and my stomach grumble.

A place where my birth was a blessing instead of a curse. Where my life is celebrated and I am not punished for every breath I take.

Do I...even deserve such a place? I've taken from them, a life. Its no wonder they haven't come for me yet. It has been four years, and not even a single sign. New scars, deeper and more painful are placed upon me everyday, and they're likely joined together by the fire enjoying its gentle warmth.

While I am suffering in the rough hands of the cold. The snow at my knees, my eyes squinted, I can hardly feel my face now. If I were to cry, my tears would likely freeze.

As I continue to drag my feet through the snow, I see something in the distance- no not something. Someone, it is...my fathers shadow? All the way out here?

I hear his distant call, his voice so familiar it has to be him. 'No, I shouldn't waste his time...my uncle...says I'm a nuisance to them.' I think, attempting to remind myself that I no long have a place there.

However, I hear his voice call out to me once more, and my body reacts despite my mind screaming for it to give up. My legs picking themselves up as they force themselves through the snow.

A loud crunch as I stomp through it, only to trip over my leg, I fall forward but that doesn't matter, my body keeps moving, my arms flailing around aimlessly to keep moving despite knowing I shouldn't bother.

He's there, he's so close and I see it. I imagine the warmth of his hug, how it felt to be engulfed in his arms and swung around as if it was a miracle to see me and i longed for that love again.

So I kept going. I got closer, and closer, squinting my eyes as the wind grew more harsh. Once close enough, I reached out yelling at his back, hoping to grab onto the fabric and catch his attention. So he'd lift me into his arms and hold me once more.

"Dad!" I call out but I an disappointed, my eyes opened wide, my vision clears as the wind stops-- no time itself seemed to stop. It wasn't the back of my father, nor the shadow of Gon or my mother

No, it was but a lonely tree. No lights. No ornaments. Nothing. Its trunk was buried into the snow, and only the green is visible.

In an instance, I feel my heart shatter, and I fall to my knees as the wind blows once more, gently moving the leafs of the tree, swaying back and forth.

Another case of denial. Why would they come for me? Why would they ever even for a moment consider bringing me back when I've only caused problems in their lives?

Even when I know I don't deserve a home, even when I know I don't deserve their love, or their warmth. I still have those selfish thoughts, those pointless wishes.

I look down, my hands numb and covered in snow. I'm so cold...but I deserve it. I don't deserve the warmth. I look at my arms and wrist, covered in welts and bruises from my punishments, atoning for my actions.

A little pain in comparison to my Nanny loosing her life... I have been far too lucky.

My eyelids are growing heavy, and so is the rest of my body. I shiver as I loose feeling in my trembling bones. 'I should've...died that day....I should die now...' I think to myself as I lay in the snow, underneath that lonely tree.

While my vision has gone black, I can hear footsteps approaching in the distance. As I wish for death, I know a fate much worse awaits me once he arrives.

The winter may be cruel and merciless, but it can also be beautiful and kind unlike my Uncle.

Illumi, more cruel than winter, and anything I've ever known, and as my mind fades. I can only hope to be selfish one more time and not wake up the next day.

(BONUS! [Just in case you want a kinda happy ending])

Honestly, I've only dealt with two children as... stupid as this one.

What child, would run off in the middle of a blizzard and in the dead of night none the less?

I have been walking for hours, questioning why I am doing this for some child who isn't really my responsibility. I never said we should kidnap them. I was done with raising children after their mother.

Alas, their potential did catch my attention, not to mention the odd sense of dejavu I get when I look at them.

I have a coat, and clothes to cover up, but I didn't think I'd be hunting down a preteen so late at night, by myself nonetheless.

'Being left to babysit and I've lost it in the middle of a blizzard. How lovely-' I think to myself, before I pause. I see them, just as they fall face first into the snow.

I sigh, shaking my head as I walk through the snow, it crunches beneath my feet as i get closer to them. Once close enough, there they are. Curled up in the snow,, trembling.

Again, I get a sense of dejavu. Its the worse times when they look most like their mother to me. They're just as troublesome as she was, I grunt as I bend down, picking them up by the scuffle of their shirt and hoist them over my shoulder.

"You should be lucky that Illumi didn't find you." I say with a chuckle, the child is unconscious, although if illumi had found them instead of me a punishment would await them once they wake.

"Take this act of mercy as your "present" from me."

However, judging by their frozen skin, and trembling body I'm sure the winter was punishment enough.

35 notes · View notes

yowlthinks · 2 months

Text

Some mornings I wake up and want to cry. I am exhausted, it is quarter to six and I would love to keep sleeping but my toddler is awake and full of energy so I slog downstairs, leaving everyone else to sleep. This happens every single day with the variety being the actual wake-up: sometimes it is earlier, sometimes I can even get to a little past 6. Sometimes I get up through the night too...

I deal with the evenings too, of course, and on weekends I am mostly there too. And I know children are only this small for a short period of time, and I enjoy spending time with them.

But I am also approaching critically low battery level. I need some sort of downtime, but at home, because I have so much stuff to do. But my days start with getting the kids ready, then work and then immediately dealing with kids again, there is hardly any downtime, and it is taking a toll on me and my health. Like physical health: I can see I look bad, and ai am somehow gaining weight, while I need to loose 20kg to feel myself, to like myself again.

The problem is, I don't know how to rebalance it all. I want to go to the gym, but by the time the kids are down and the key chores are done it is 9pm or even later, and I am exhausted, and operating on 5h of sleep is not easy. I am underslept, so my willpower is not great and I crave carbs (which is probably where the problems start).

I try to make sure my partner gets enough sleep, if I am already awake, what is the point of waking up someone else. I feel like I need to somehow plan time specifically to myself, but then... well, it is not very fair, is it? There are times when I take one or the other child to classes, so my partner is looking after the other. It is not like he is having some free time exactly, so I feel bad asking for time just by myself.

I am trying to figure out why I need this and my partner doesn't. I mean, he has the office commute, I wfh. He seems to be ok, while I am on the verge of tears and feel totally out of it. And the problem is, the more tired I am, the less I delegate and the more I try to crawl through it, what happens is that I try to withdraw more, which means others take more space, which means I feel cornered. It's a viscious circle, and I am trying to remember what the therapist said before they stopped my sessions nearly 2 years ago. The little recharging breaks like watching even half an episode of a series at lunchbreak come to mind. But my lunchbreaks lately are... well, taken over by work or I feel too guilty or too impatient, I have no idea why.

Many people here in NL take a 4 day week with a paycut (and less holidays), spend one more day with their kids instead of taking them to daycare or aftershock care. I feel like I have no capacity for this, with an already super-tight budget and the bare minimum of holidays, and already giving the kids all my spare time. I know a lot of people have it way harder, and I have no idea how you guys are doing this.

#i need to do better #i can do better #i just don't know how #personal

11 notes · View notes

brandnewhuman · 9 months

Note

Hey I was wondering if you could do a slasher match up, it’s cool if not!

I’m a ✨fluffy✨ 5’5 gender-fluid person. I usually wear baby comfy clothes and usually have my hair down. I love to draw both traditional and digital. I love horror even though with my active imagination end up terrifying myself. I am an introvert but I have my extrovert moments. I usually keep to myself, but with people I trust I will spend hours talking or just vibing. I hate when people touch me unless either 1. I initiate touch. Or 2. I tell them that they are allowed to touch me. If anyone touches me that I don’t know or like, I have accidentally broken a few bones. I like to stay in my room most days and spend hours either reading, drawing, watching movies, or resting with mountain of plushies. I like to talk a lot but I have a social battery that when empty I will become aggressive. I am fairly strong due to having to help out on my families farm. I like fall more than the other season and Halloween is my favorite holiday. I also tend to have a people pleaser complex and tend to worry about others, but also somehow speak brutally honest.

I paired you up with...

♡ Rz Michael Myers ♡

♪IT'S CUFFING SEASOOON♪ big boy here is your perfect match, bro is quite literally all you need ARGUE WITH THE WALL

WHY HE'S THE BEST MATCH?:

For starters, i think we can all agree on the massive size kink we all collectively have in the slasher community and this man? BIG, HUGE EVEN. BRO IS BUILT LIKE A MF TREE.

Like you, he opens up only to people he truly loves and trusts so I think he would appreciate this personality trait of yours cause it makes him feel special to know you feel this nice around him, that you open up and start being more yourself when he's with you. Loves the stay at home activities and you can bet he's gonna do DIY projects and artsy stuff with you CAUSE OUR MAN HERE IS WHAT? TALENTED AND CREATIVE, EXACTLY.

Ngl, if he finds out you get a bit scared of horror movies because you overthink about them, he would fuck around and spook you from time to time but just for shits and giggles, never too seriously. Bro doesn't have a single ounce of respect inside his body.

Physical touch is difficult for him too, and because of how you are about it I think he would be perfect for you. He needs someone who won't make him feel guilty if he doesn't feel like being physically affectionate and stuff but at the same time he needs to be able to feel comfortable enough to know he can ask for it and try to be more affectionate without the person taking advantage of him. Weirdly enough, boundaries help him regulate himself on how to express his love for people cause he has never had anyone teaching him these things so he needs to be guided a little bit.

Speaking of social battery thing, his has never been charged lmao THIS MAN IS SO DONE WITH HUMANITY FR. But for you? He's sitting there and listening to every single word you might say. And you may think he's not gonna pay attention and end up forgetting everything BUT YOU'RE WRONG. He proves he listens with small gestures; if you talk about certain food things you like, you'll find them in the house the next day. If you tell him about a movie, he puts it on the TV when you're watching stuff with him the night after. If you talk about someone bothering you, they're gone. Which is a problem cause half of the fucking town will start to disappear since he takes even the smallest thing that might've annoyed you very seriously, BRO IS NOT PLAYING GAMES.. HE WILL KILL BITCHES FOR YOU. and in general too, but that's not the point. Also he loves to just hang out in silence around you if you don't wanna talk, and if you want alone time he's gonna take the opportunity and go do his own thing. This type of freedom and having the choice to finally do whatever he wants without being forced to do anything else is really refreshing for him.

As soon as you say Halloween is your fav Holliday he's gonna be like "you can't handle the uber instincts of my uber autism" AND GOES CRAZY FR FR. He makes you a Halloween mask, he sits with you to watch old horror movies, makes you buy candy or steals it for the both of you. Obviously he's gonna go and do some killz and all that jazz, BUT MOSTLY HE'S GONNA SPEND THE WHOLE DAY WITH YOU.

Overall he matches really well with your creative and chill personality, he feels safer with someone who's not overwhelmingly clingy and loving but still shows affection and stuff.

WELL, THAT'S ALL FOLKS. I HOPE YOU LIKED IT AND I KNOW ITS A BIT SHITTY BUT THATS BC I HAVEN'T DONE THIS IN A WHILE.

Song that matches the vibe:

#slasher fandom #slasher community #slashers #slasher x reader #slasher matchups #rz michael myers #rz halloween #michael myers #horror movies #halloween #halloween movie

20 notes · View notes