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chansshands · 3 months

Text

Physiotherapy and coconut oil.

Just a thought on this

Pairing: idol!Chan x fem!reader.

Genre: fluff, crack maybe??, friends/co-workers to?

Warnings: make out session, half naked Chan?????, mention of handjob, handjob, mention of anger issues, dry humping, mention of food and alcohol, mention of dom!chan, sub!chan, softdom!reader, let me know if I miss something. DO NOT USE COCONUT OIL ON YOUR PRIVATE AREAS!!

Author note: we need to talk about this outfit, I know that I'm late but bro, look at him, his stupid boobs, and arms, and abs? I'm on my knees, hair in a ponytail, ready to do my job. why? because I'm a whore for this man, also his physiotherapist is lucky as fuck, I mean he or she or they can touch this man, without anything on...I’m too tired and lazy so not proofread

(the recipe of the pasta mentioned in the story is here especially for my vegetarian and lactose free friends 💅🏼)

Also fun fact: being a physiotherapist is my dream job and this makes me way too much delulu.

-✉️

I’m so insecure about my English, as I said it’s not my first language and I’m always scared to make mistakes or stuff like that, so if you find mistakes please let me know, I’ll be thankful and also my English will improve!

-✉️

As always requests are open!💘

A knock from the door of your little studio call your attention

“C’mon in, the door is open”

You say, closing your laptop to pay attention to him

A head covered with a black beanie and a smile with a pair of dimples appeared at your door.

“Hello, my beautiful, amazing wonderful y/n, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and-“

“What did you do?”

You cut him off

He close the door behind his back

“Let’s say that hypothetically I went to the gym”

He sits right in front of you

“Mh, you do it every day, what’s the problem?”

He giggles a little

“You know last time that we saw each other?”

He asks

“Yeah, umh Wednesday?”

“Mhmh, and what you did to me?”

“The-what? The usual massage? Back, neck, thigh, basically the whole body”

“Exactly, and you know that I was mad because of that little thing that I won't bring it up again?”

“Yes, what’s the problem Chan? I have a lot of things to do”

“Iwenttothegymrightafteroursession”

“Excuse me, what?”

You asked confused

“I-uh- don’t get mad please, you know that I love you, we are friends right? Your hair looks pretty today”

You look at him, raising your eyebrows waiting for the real answer

“I went to the gym, right after our session, and I lifted a couple weights, and umh- I heard a crack on my neck, but now everything hurts, so can you please fix me?”

“YOU DID WHAT?”

you raise your voice

“I’m sorry I was mad”

“Christopher”

You say

“Not the government name please, you scare the shit out of me when you call me ChRiStoPheR. And I know okay? You have all the rights to be mad at me, I’m sorry, but I was about to explode, my options were the gym or the big boss face”

“Take off your shirt”

You sight

“I love when you say that”

“Shut up, before I punch you in the face”

You say

“Rude”

He says

“Stupid”

You stand up and search on the little cabinet everything you need for the massage

“I’m sorry”

He looks at you

“It’s okay Chan. But when I tell you to rest after our sessions it’s because I mean it, it’s part of the healing process. Even Changbin listens to me, and you, more than me know that he’s a gym rat.”

“I know, I’m sorry I was just-“

“Overwhelmed?"

“Yes”

He says taking off his shirt

“You know that you can talk to me right? I’m not just here to fix y’all muscles, I’m a friend. You can call me, anytime, you say “y/n I had a bad day can we talk?”. 5 minutes walk and I’m at your dorm, and you know it Channie.”

Your tone is sweeter now

“It was three in the morning y/n, I- I didn’t want to wake you up, I’m a man, I can’t-“

“So sweet of you to think that I sleep at three. and Channie yes, you’re a man and you’re human and as a human you have emotions, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes or mad, sad, angry, emotionless, it’s totally fine, if you feel like you're about to explode than you need to talk"

He looks at you, silently

"you can call, or FaceTime me if you don't want me around, we don't need to talk about what's upsetting you, but you can't be alone with your thoughts"

"didn't know that you were this sweet you know?"

"I'm not sweet"

"mhmm, you're right you're more like a mom"

he smiles at you

“What? I’m younger than you”

“Meh, just a couple of years”

He says smiling

“C’mon, don’t stare at me like a little puppy, and put away the damn dimples, with those abs you look everything but cute”

“Oh yeah?”

“Shut up and lay on your stomach”

“Mhhhh, okay okay”

He lays down, giving a full view of his back, wider than when the two of you met, if you had him as a friend with benefits (for your studies of course) during your anatomy exam, you would probably have had the best score of the class.

As soon as your hands touch his back he twitches

“Ah fuck”

“I barely touched you”

You say

“Your hands are fucking cold y/n, where did you keep them inside the freezer?”

“God, you scared me. Don’t be a pussy, they will warm up, I promise”

You say touching him again

“Mhhhhh -he cries- usually you don’t have cold hands”

He says

“Because you’re the last one that I treat, I.N always get my cold hands, and he got used to it”

“Oh poor I.N, he-ah he has-ah to get through this”

“Stop whimpering”

“I’m not whimpering”

“Yes, you are”

“No, I’m-ah not”

“See, you’re a whimper man”

You say massaging the lower part of his back

"I'm not-ah-fuck"

"next time, if I say that you have to rest, go home, take a warm shower, eat something, and go to bed, you're lucky that you don't have a fever"

you slap his back

"aah what's wrong with you?"

"you're an asshole, and you act like a child"

you slap him again

"stop slapping me"

he says sitting down on the small massage bed

"no"

you slap him again

"oh my god stop it"

"no - you slap his chest - you know that you could've hurt your self huh? you and your stupid anger issues - you slap once again - what you were trying to gain to stupid bitch?"

"stop slapping me"

he says blocking your wrists

"I said I'm sorry, next time if I'll feel overwhelmed I'll call you okay? just bring soju with you"

"soju? wanna get drunk?"

you ask trying to escape from his grip

"fuck yes, I need to get drunk"

"I'll buy soju on my way home and you can come over okay?"

"you’re inviting me in your house?"

he asks, caressing your wrists with his thumb

"yeah, you know no boys around so we can talk freely, and I'll make dinner"

"mh...okay then"

he says smiling, showing once again his stupid dimples

"now, let me finish my job okay? go home, take a warm shower and then come over"

"okay mom"

"don't"

you try to hide a smile

"now lay down"

he stares at you

"please?"

you say, and this bitch lays down, just because you said please? fuck it's going to be looong night

"try not to whimper this time okay?"

you whisper near his hear

"I'll try, ma'am"

you just got out of the shower when you hear the doorbell

"SHIT, WAIT GIVE ME A SECOND"

you scream, trying to dress yourself as fast as you can, not thinking about who's your guest, but honestly you don't give a fuck, you're in your own house and it's summer, that's what you think trying to justify your shorts and tank top

"Hi Channie, I'm sorry I made you wait, come in"

"Oh, Hei no worries it's my fault, I should've texted you"

he says taking off his shoes before getting inside

"I wouldn't answered you, my phone died at work, and I was so late that the moment I came home, I prepared the sauce for the pasta and I jumped into the shower"

"no worries -he giggles- wanna help with dinner while you dry your hair?”

"oh no, stay away from my kitchen, set the table and open the red wine that you find in the counter"

"yes ma'am"

he says

"damn, this wine looks good where did you get it?"

"oh-my mom send a bunch of stuff from Italy to me, so I don't get homesick"

you say stirring the sauce

"stuff like alcohol?"

"yes, and food"

you laugh

"sooo much food, the best that I can do is sharing, you know sharing is caring"

"and what are you making tonight?"

he says looking over your shoulders

"mh, pasta all'arrabbiata"

"i have no idea of what it is but sounds good, also I've never heard you talking in italian, sounds sexy"

"CHAN"

"WHAT"

"stop it"

you say turning towards him

"what I'm not doing anything"

"you're flirting"

you say

"flirting? I don't know what flirting is"

he says with a smile on his face

"oh put those dimples away"

you say turning to the kitchen counter, checking if the pasta is ready, or maybe you don't want to show him your cheeks getting redder

"we can sit, while we wait for the pasta”

you say walking towards him

“wanna a glass of wine?"

"please, yes"

you say almost disparately, he pours two BIG glasses of wine

"cheers, to the best physiotherapist ever"

"to the most stubborn person I know, who can't listen"

you say looking him in the eyes

"cheers Chan"

"cheers y/n"

"so you think I'm stubborn huh?"

"oh yeah, definitely"

"why?"

he asks sipping his wine

"why what? why I think you're a stubborn?"

he nods

"you don't listen to people who care about you? and you do almost everything without thinking? and you think you're invicible, you try to keep everything on your shoulders forgetting that you're a human? mh yes, you're a stubborn"

"damn, you can't lie huh?"

"nope"

you say sipping some wine

"can I check the pasta or you're going to kill me?"

"no, I'll check it, in my house guests don't make dinner"

"mh, can I come here more often?"

he asks giggling

"of course, the door is always open for you...I mean you guys, you know, you and the boys, all of them"

you get up, slapping mentally your face

what the fuck y/n behave yourself, he's just a friend. A hot one tho, but just a friend.

thanks God the pasta is ready, you mix it with the sauce and then pour it in two plates

"here we go"

you say sitting next to Chan, he waits for you, and after you take the first bite, he starts eating with you

“You need something else?”

"absholutely noth, thish ish perfect"

he says with his mouth full of pasta, you smile at this sight of him, without his working dark aura. People says that he's scary as fuck when he's working, and they mean it, he change completely, especially when he is in the studio, it's like an alter ego (we can call it Christopher yeah)

"so...you like it?"

you ask taking a bite a food

"yesh -he swallows- I want you to come at the dorm and cook for me...I mean us everyday, oh you should do a cooking competition with Lee Know, I would probably die because the good food but it would be a great death"

you laugh

"it's called food coma"

"really?"

he asks

"mhmm, try my nonna's food then we can talk about food coma"

"nonna is...?"

"oh, my grandma, she is a great chef"

"then I have to meet her"

he says finishing his plate

"in order to meet her you have to go to Italy, also she doesn't speak a word of English or Korean so you have to learn Italian"

"for good food? I'll do everything. You can be my teacher, I'm sure that you know how to speak it"

"me? your teacher?"

"yes"

"why me?"

"because you can speak Italian and I want to spend more time with you"

you choke on wine

"you what?"

you try to speak between the cough

"you okay?"

he asks patting gently your back

"yes, I'm okay, thanks. You really mean it?"

you ask

"what?"

"that you want to spend more time with me"

"yes, and I don't mean at the studio. I want to know you better as a friend, as a person"

"fuck Chan"

you get up, taking both of the plates to wash it

"fuck Chan what?"

he follows you at the sink

"we can't, you-you can't know me better"

"why not?"

he asks shrugging his shoulders

"because-I can't"

"mh? you have a boyfriend in Italy?"

"no"

"then why I can't know you better?"

"my...my contract, I signed a contract when the company hired me"

"and?"

he asks

"I can't have anything with my patients, and you're one of them"

you say looking at him

"where is the problem? -he asks- we're not at the company, we're just two friends who had dinner together, with some wine"

he says getting closer to you

"Chan please...don't"

"what? I'm not doing anything"

he says

"I know, it's me, I'm the problem, I don't know if I can contain my self right now, not after what you said"

"then do it, don't contain your self"

"this-you move your hands between your bodies-won't happened ever again"

"I can't make this promise"

he traps you with his arms between his body and the sink

"fuck Chan"

you say before kissing him on the lips, they’re so soft and you fucking knew it.

“We shouldn’t do that”

You say in between the kisses

“Shut up”

He says lifting you up, your legs locked behind his back

“Fuck-fuck-fuck it’s cold”

You say when your ass touch the marble of the kitchen counter, he giggling in your lips. Hands on his curls, pulling almost too roughly but he doesn’t seem to mind it

“That’s the revenge for the massage with your stupid cold hands”

“Yeah? If this the revenge that i get I’ll switch your turn with I.N so you’ll have my cold hands on your body everyday”

You say kissing his neck, way too roughly, biting and sucking his soft skin. For sure he’s going to have marks all over his neck tomorrow, but there’s make up to cover it up right?

“Sofa, please”

You say looking in his eyes

“Fuck I love when you beg, it turns me on”

He says picking up by your thighs, walking to the small sofa in your living room.

“You get turned on easily huh?”

“Shut up, I bet that you’re wet since I came into your house”

He says sitting on the couch, your legs on each side of him

“I’m always wet when your around”

“Yeah? So many lost opportunities for my dick”

He says pouting, placing his hands on your ass

“None of my business”

You say smiling, kissing his lips again and again, his tongue sliding inside your mouth, so gently and sweet, he taste like good wine, and you feel you can almost get drunk just with his tongue (maybe you’re already are)

“Stop grinding on my dick or i will fuck you in this small sofa”

“Such a dirty mouth Christopher”

You say grinding on him once more

“Mmhph please don’t use that name”

“Why not whimper man?”

You say placing your hands on his abs

“Your accent, I don’t know it’s just, I don’t know”

“Wow, you have clear ideas”

You laugh getting more comfortable on his lap, even if there’s something hard hat almost bothers you.

“You know what I’ve been thinking the whole day? At the studio, in the shower, even while I was in the car to come here”

“What?”

“Your hands, and that thing that you said to me”

“Mh?”

You’re confused, trying to understand what his talking about

“Your handjobs”

“Ooooh that, why? I mean it’s just a handjob”

You say shrugging your shoulders

“Yeah but why they’re so special?”

“Oh you wanna know the key huh?”

He nods looking at you

“My job”

“They teach you how to do-“

“Nonono”

You laugh shaking your hands

“Because of my job I have to use a lot of massage oil, coconut oil and stuff like that, so my hands are soft”

“Oooh so that’s the key”

“Yeah, some love, and coconut oil or lube”

“So that’s why you smell like coconut”

You laugh

“Yes, but I have a question”

“What’s up?”

He asks

“Wanna try?”

“What?”

You look at him

“Oooh that? I-I mean if you want to”

“I’m asking for your consent Chris, I’ve teased you enough today”

You laugh

“You think? I’ve been hard the whole day, my balls might be turned blue, so it’s a yes”

“Give me a second okay?”

You leave a kiss on his lips and go to your bed room searching for the coconut oil (that of course it’s in your bed side table for scientific purposes👀) you glance quickly your self in the mirror and you’re a mess, but don’t mind it.

“Here I am”

You say, sitting once again on his lap

“Let me warm you up a little more yeah?”

You say kissing his lips way more roughly than the first time, and a moan slips into your mouth

“Here you are my favorite whimper boy”

You say grinding your hips on him

“Mhhphf, I’m not whimpering, it’s just that- it’s the first time that someone - I’m the one who’s on top usually”

“Uuuh we have a dom here mh? Interesting, but let me be the one in control tonight yeah?”

“Please…y/n it hurts please do something”

He says in a desperate tone, kissing you so roughly that your lips are going to be swollen tomorrow

You work with his pants, taking out his warm and hard cock, that is leaking pre-cum liquid

“So needy”

You look at him in the eyes, you open the little jar and squeeze it a couple of drops drop in your dominant hand

“Can I?”

“Yes, please y/n please”

You slowly trace you fingertips around the head of his dick, spreading the pre cum liquid, making his dick slippery.

You wrap your hand around his dick, stroking it up and down so slowly that he looks so desperate.

“God- Please move, this is so frustrating”

He says placing his hands on top of yours

“Ah-ah put this hands behind your back, you can’t touch it”

“But it’s my cock”

He says arguing

“You have two options, you can place your hands behind you back and let me do my job, or I can tie you up so can’t move at all”

You say still stroking his dick

“No, no okay, I’ll put them behind my back”

“Such a good boy”

You kiss his lips, a deep moan sleeping out of his mouth. You place your hand on the base of his dick, using a tighter grip then before, moving it up and down paying attention to his head and to the most sensitive part of it.

“Mhhphf-fuck”

You keep moving your hand on him, and you know that he’s close by the way he move his body, the way he breathe, and the way he’s looking at you, his hands on your ass has a tighter grip now

“Fuck, I’m about to cum, please, please don’t stop.”

And of course you don’t stop, you already played too much with him, you stroke his cock faster now and he cums, a warm load of white and thick liquid running down his dick. You lick your fingers smiling, his head resting on your shoulder.

“Fuck”

He giggles

“What-who are you? Jesus Christ I’m-”

You giggle with him

“Now I’ll have a boner every time you treat me at the studio, you and your stupid coconut oil”

You laugh louder now, knowing that it’s not a joke.

“You laughing at me?”

He asks looking at you

“Yeah, maybe”

You shrug your shoulders

“Right…let me see if you can handle Christopher, yeah?”

He gets up, picking you up on one of his shoulders

“Waaaaa, what does this mean? Chaaaaan put me down”

“Ahah, Chan is not available at the moment call him later”

He says picking up that stupid coconut oil and walking away from the couch

“Now, tell me where is your bed room”

A/N: I think this is my first real smut, uhm this is so embarrassing, imma eclisse my self bye love you

#skz #chansshands thoughts #bang chan #stray kids #bang chan x reader #skz scenarios #bang chan fanfic #bangchan #christopher bang chan #bang chan smut #bang chan x female reader #bang chan x y/n #christopher bang chan smut

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saucymalum · 2 years

Text

How Cliche pt.5

Luke Hemmings x fem!reader pt.1, pt.2, pt.3, pt.4

Summary: When Y/Ns sisters wedding was announced they thought they could find a date. But when the weddings a week away with no date they are forced to ask their best friend, Luke, to be their fake boyfriend for the wedding.

Originally posted on my Instagram

Word Count: 716

-----

The plane makes an almost smooth landing and I lead Luke quickly out of the airport. I'm enjoying being able to stretch my legs after so long. Crossing the threshold I pull out my phone to call my mom. Just as I'm searching for her contact I'm distracted by a car horn. I look up to see my mother jumping out of her car and running to me her arms wide open.

She engulfs me in a bear hug. “Oh sweetie, it’s so great to see you again!"

I squeeze her tighter, I didn't realize how much I missed her until now. A year is a damn long time. She pulls away and her eyes immediately look at the blonde giraffe next to me aka Luke.

"Oh gosh, you must be Luke! My, you're tall! I've been waiting to meet you for ages." She says as she pulls him into a hug.

He shoots a smile my way when he hugs her back, "Ages huh? Well, it's a shame we couldn't meet sooner."

They pull away and my mom is pulling us to the car quickly. I'm shoved to the back as she tells Luke to sit up front.

"So Luke, YN tells me you're in a band? How's that going?" The subtlety is almost non-existent with this one.

"It's going amazing, we've been a band for almost 10 years now."

"Oh yeah? What's your favorite part?"

"Definitely meeting our fans, they're so amazing and passionate. I wish I could thank them all individually." He looks at her with such a bright smile I can almost feel myself getting lost.

"What's your band's name again?" She asks leaning to the side to hear him better while keeping her eyes glued to the road.

"5 seconds of summer. It's a really weird name, honestly, I still have no clue what it means"

My mom giggles and It's like I'm dreaming. I'm completely shocked. No boyfriend I've ever had has been able to make my mom's ice walls melt so quickly. Most would be happy, say he's obviously a keeper, my chest just feels empty and my heart’s in my throat. What's going to happen when I tell her we broke up? We aren't technically even dating.

I sit in silence the rest of the drive to the hotel zoning out of the conversation in the front of the car. Im broke out of my thoughts by my door being opened. Luke looks at me concerned and leans in close.

"You ok? We're almost at our room."

"Yeah, I was just thinking." I step out of the car and grab my suitcase from the trunk. Seeing Luke and my mom laughing made me simultaneously ecstatic and extremely sad. Luke walks up to me and laces our fingers together. Memories flood into my head and my heart sinks deeper. I walk alongside Luke silently focusing only on the Hotel door trying to get there as soon as I can. The sooner I get into the room the sooner I can hide in the bathroom and calm down from this flood of unwelcome emotion.

I quickly check in telling my mom I’m tired and we can talk tomorrow and rush to my room. I sit on the bed taking a deep breath and bury my face in my hands. The room door unlocks and a head of blond hair walks through. Luke places his bag next to mine and walks over to me.

“We have the same room huh?” I laugh bitterly.

His eyebrows knit together, “I mean its not like we haven’t shared a bed before. Do you suddenly not want to be around me or something? What did I do wrong?”

“You did nothing wrong, Luke. I’m just very overwhelmed right now.”

He nods and sits next to me. We sit next to each other in silence unbeknownst to him his presence is only making my confusion worse. Do I still have feelings for him or am I just going insane? Do I just need some sleep? Will that save me from spirally?

I sigh and look up at Luke only to find him already looking at me. I look into his crystal eyes and give him a weak smile. What the hell have I got myself into?

#luke hemmings x reader #luke hemmings x y/n #luke hemmings x you #luke hemmings #luke hemming imagines #5sos fanfic #5sos fic

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theoutcastedartist · 1 year

Note

How are you? I hope you are well.

Thank you. I know you probably meant to send this as a light thing, but unfortunately you caught me at a very off time

Warning for VENT post.

Ngl I'm probably gonna come off as super whiny and annoying so if you don't wanna see that, just ignore this. I really just can't fucking take it anymore. I'll probably delete this in the morning when the shame of my actions come to haunt me right before work. Haha. I'm still working on my normal art stuff, if you're wondering.

Technically thing have been good for me, I got my first STABLE job and it's working with dogs! And my manager is impressed with my serious work ethic

haha my overwhelming need to Not-Be-A-Disappointment-And-Prove-I-Am-More-Than-My-Deformities-Despite-Having-Them-Recitfied-With-Surgery-Meaning-Theyre-Not-Even-Noticable-And-Weird-"Girl"-Behavior-To-My-Own-Detriment comes in handy even after high school ... my knees... my ankles... they do not love me...

But yeah, as far as things are going, technically they are going well!

But honestly, I just want to curl up in a hole and cry. Not that I will anytime soon, given how I've learned at this point that me expressing genuine emotion that is not "Chill/Go with the Flow" is such a Weird Thing for everyone around me... I guess I'm still processing that I am An Actual Adult(tm) now and that I'm just too tired and scared of what the future will be... and just how lost I feel about where I even WANT to go in my life.

Especially when I've realized how much of my childhood was spent me being forced to act like an adult because of some of the people and circumstances surrounding my life, so I couldn't really properly, I guess, enjoy it???? There were so many good opportunities I missed, including two years of FREE COLLEGE because of a series of incidents with one of my parents... and medical neglect of my younger sibling's ATV accident injury, which turned into a WHOLE other mess I had to miss almost 2 weeks of school for... right before going online for COVID-19 too... sigh.

Idk I just wish I could have done more with the time I had before graduating high school like 5 months ago. I was top of my class, but now it just feels like I'm letting everyone who ever believed in me for whatever reason down for not immediately going to college.

And like I KNOW it doesn't matter what others think I should or shouldn't do in regards to taking a break from school or just my own life in general, but it still doesn't make it any easier for me mentally I guess. I just feel guilty and awful and like I'm back in elementary school again, except it's with people who now have insanely high expectations of me because I've always "Beaten the Odds Againt Me", "The Will Power to Go Far in Life" or whatever of that sort of bs rather than "Born Deformed, is Weird, and Most Likely Won't Make it Far in Life" kind of expectation.

It just feels like one thing after another and I'm just... so tired of it. I'm tired of forcing myself to spin just shit awful situations as a positive thing for everyone else's comfort (oh a "Learning Experience" or "Now I'm More Prepared for the Future" and "This Would be Good for a College Application" lmaoo)

Especially with all the recent stuff I've realized, like how my parents treat my siblings and I is probably some form of abuse (something I did not want to confront for years) and just how fucking traumatized I am (haha no wonder my fav is Sad Little White Boy from TOH).

And literally yesterday, my mom's car, who I rely on as transport to and from work, broke down when she had gone to take my siblings to the dermatologist to get a mole checked out (turns out it was completely fine and normal, as I 100% expected).

So while I was at work, my younger siblings were stranded with our god awful mother at god knows where since around 10 am, and couldn't be picked up until my brother called my geometry teacher from MY freshman year of high school (and his best friend's mom) to go pick them up, and then come pick me up after my shift ended, which I had no clue about until I was walking out of the door of my workplace and saw them waiting for me, I was fully expecting to walk home that afternoon in my wet and nasty scrubs, reeking like an actual doghouse (cause I work with the doggos as my job), under direct heavy sunlight, and 90 degree heat. So I at least avoided walking then. Today I was lucky enough to have my dad be my transport, and tomorrow morning he can drop me off an hour before my shift starts. Though I'm worried for tomorrow after work and I'm worried about what the weather might be like (given there's a hurricane/tropical storm coming and all that...) and if it'll be safe for me to even walk home.

I don't know anyone at work well enough to give me a ride, no matter how many times my dad tells me to "just ask". The guilt of being any sort of burden to anyone will always be heavier to me than any consequences as a result of not asking or accepting any kind of help. Like I'd rather walk three hours to get home in the pouring rain and risk getting hit by some idiot driver while crossing the street, than ask someone to drop me off on the way when my house is like literally 5 minutes away by car.

It's so stupid I don't even understand why I'm like this and thinking about it makes me wanna cry, but I CANT cry because it's inconvenient for everyone else and I just generally S U CK at processing my own emotions and its a complete waste of time to try and do so and my stupid intrusive thoughts won't leave me the fuck alone when I'm in the middle of doing BASIC ASS CHORES.

And I just fucking resent my parents so much for all the shit they put me through over the years, making me be the "voice of reason" between any arguments between them. They willingly decide to have their fights in front of me and then try to egg me into joining them. Like literally over the period of time where I was stuck at home looking for work online, I would just be eating my lunch at the table in the emptiness of the house and the minute the two of them happen to be under the same roof, they decide to bitch at each other RIGHT IN FRONT OF WHERE I AM EATING.

There is a WHOLE ASS HOUSE for you two to bitch at each other and yet you do it RIGHT. I FRONT. OF. ME. while I'm eating noodles too... asshole.

Hell, my mom is literally the reason my siblings and I ended up in the foster care system for TWO. FUCKING. YEARS. They almost separated me from one of my siblings because of his autism and ADHD (and you know how fuck awful the system is to older kids who are deemed to be "problematic") combined with my "low self-esteem" and Cleft Lip nonsense going on at the time too. I don't even want to think what would have happened had I not begged my fosterdad for two weeks straight to take in my other sibling too. It's super rare for fosterhomes to take in sibling pairs, much less a Trio like my brothers and I.

Nevermind how shitty all the "court ordered" therapists I've ever had are. Literally one of them would belittle me and my problems, acted like I was too stupid to talked to like a normal person. She was suppose to help me with my "low self esteem" with these stupid packets and instead turned it into a trigger for me like 5 years later lmaoooo

Literally happened during my AP psych class, my teacher brought up "low self-esteem" and "fostercare" in the same sentence (and some kid made a Shazam joke I think???) and I immediately had a silent panic attack at my desk with my head down.

God and on top of being a foster kid, my 5th grade teacher just fucking had to OUT ME as one to the entire class. A foster kid to gay parents, you can imagine how that school year went.

Like how goddamn petty as an adult do you have to be to repeatedly target a 5th grader??? No because that shit stressed me out so much at the time on top of everything else, on top of being bullied by the other girls, the teacher even fat shaming me a couple times (when at the time I was VERY unnaturally thin, no matter how much I tried to gain weight.) I legit started ripping out chunks of my hair from my scalp during class and peeling the skin off my fingers with my teeth to the point of bleeding as a very fucking up coping mechanism that "soothed" me. The only reason any kind of school intervention was made because the assistant principal happened to do a classroom observation on my teacher on a particularly bad day for me where the teacher made me sit all the way at the front of the class and the environment of the class happened to be very overwhelming to my brain too. I remember it so vividly too it felt like this fuck awful metallic buzzing noise before everything became totally silent for a good 10 minutes.

I just hope and pray to whatever god or being of higher power out there that I NEVER have to hear that noise ever again. It was just so bad, whatever it was...

I literally still have a couple hidden bald patches than haven't recovered since like the rest of my hair and I still chew at the skin of my fingers at the first instance of me being stressed. They're always so sore...

I'm just so fucking tired. Of everything. I just wanna skip to the part of my life where I'm not walking on eggshells every waking moment of my life. I just wanna have my own space cuddled up on a rainy day with a pet. I wanna be able to cry freely and just not have to worry for once. I can't even remember a time where I was ever TRULY happy, even as far back as elementary school there wasn't a moment where I didn't want to dissappear.

I just want to be held while I cry and be told that everything will be okay, but that's not going to happen so there's no point in hoping for that to ever happen.

ANYWHO I HAVE A ZOOM MEETING FOR WORK IN LIKE 30 MINUTES I AM NOT OKAY :D

#vent #vent post #vent please ignore #text post #text #long text post #me being a fucking crybaby whats new lmao

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whispersnightcinema · 2 years

Text

So our 6th month is coming

Update on things, everything is great he and I have talk alot about traveling to visit him, he just moved to Another state for his career and is doing really well so far, before the move we spent alot of time together, we went star gazing and I met his childhood best friend. These guys are so intelligent and full of knowledge I just enjoyed listening to them talk. Also because he had to fly back into town,to finish the move and drive the Uhaul out.

we actually went to go eat at Superfrico this really cool Italian psychedelic restaurant that I've been wanting to go to! Well both of us I should say... I got the beef cheek waygu and he got the lamb ragu, for app we got the rosemary roasted potatoes!

Everything was delicious and cooked well!

Anyways we fucked so much that night and morning, we were late to our dinner reservations let's just put it that way...

Afterwards we watched black mirror, we blazed and went to bed after he destroyed my guts... this man was so tired that he ktfo immediately!

I gave him lots of neck kisses and cuddled with him

Morning comes around and my alarm goes off!

I turn over to him and he awake with a hard solid cock ready to go, grabs my waist pulls me in and starts fucking me from the back, then spreads my legs open and goes in deeper!! I swear I blacked out again. Then after we both finished we took a nap, my other alarm goes off and we start fucking again.... I have no idea how many orgasms I had within that time frame ... just thinking about it makes me miss him and his touch.

Got to work and he bought me starbeezy a venti size caramel ribbon crunch Frappuccino, hung out with me for a while at work until he had to leave to go pick up the uhaul, got off of work early and when I got home walked the mew and we were on the phone for a while as he was driving... sigh I'm just sad that I'm not going to see him as much as before, usually he's here next to me either cuddling or fucking. Or just playing with my tits and pussy... being a nympho is tough! The sex was like so good like it had so much more meaning...

I told him my feelings got stronger he just smiled,

And that I'm having a really difficult time with him being gone and how sad I was feeling. It's just I care about him so much and Maybe I should stop... he says I tend to overwhelm him sometimes. So it just made me not text him so much, he told me that I've been really short with texts, and I told him that I've been distracting myself because I'm trying to not think of him so much.

He doesn't talk to me about his feelings at all, he tells me that he hasn't been a certain way in a long time and hasn't even felt anything... like it makes me really sad, I'm here giving my all to you and you just don't care because your empty.

I said "how about I have those feelings for the both of us!" He goes " don't over do it"....

My heart dropped and cracked a little bit, I sometimes feel like he's going to get tired of me eventually, so this week I'm just going to step back and give him that space. Business men always busy my efforts need to be cut in half.

But yeah this is life with him... I rather he stays focused then consider wasting his time and attention on me when he's working. As they say time is money!

But truly in all honesty I'm so happy with him.

It's sad being here without him. But I'm working on my attachment issues, it's really hard for me because I want what I want.

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wildroseparadise · 3 years

Text

Darling: Tom Hiddleston x reader

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x reader

Word count: 1,8k words

Requested: No.

Summary: Imagine Tom calling another woman “darling” even though it’s his nickname for you, and you end up having to talk it out with Tom - much to his glee.

Warnings: Reader overthinking things, use of wayyy too many pet names [Please tell me if I missed any!]

Want to join my TAGLIST? Follow the link, please!

You were his darling- you had been for almost eighteen months now. Any time he would talk to you or about you he would refer to you as darling or his darling. Rarely was it your name, and he would even go as far as acting confused when interviewers, friends or family referred to you as his girlfriend, only correcting them and saying "Oh! You mean my darling Y/n?" afterwards.

It had also gotten you through many tough times; bringing immense reassurance in times of uncertainty, great calm in times of stress, and an overwhelming calm on restless nights where all you could do was toss and turn in bed.

"What's your name, darling?" you turn towards your boyfriend, thinking that he called for you, "Should I write your name?" seeing Tom leaning over the cluttered table and smiling at the young woman who's shirt you'd just signed, your own smile falling at the realization.

Finishing up with the signature, Tom laughs at something the girl says before biding her goodbye and greeting the young boy next in line. You frown, an ache in your chest which you only ever feel while reading a very sad book tugging at your heartstrings.

It was stupid, really, to be upset over a simple nickname. But... it didn't feel simple or irrelevant to you, not after the comfort it kept giving you in your darkest moments.

You cover it up with a half smile, turning back towards the two girls in front of you, the last ones in the line. "Hey," you greet them with faked excitement. They both giggle before one of them, the one you presumed to be older, started gushing over your role in the new Loki show.

"Did you already know that you were getting the part when you were filming Ragnarok?" the younger one asks and you look up from the necklace they had given you with a now genuine smile.

"Well, no. Not entirely, anyway," you laugh, "but they could hardly introduce a love interest and not continue the story, right?" you wink.

Pulling your hair over one shoulder and putting the chain with the purple pendant around your neck, you thank the girls again. They smile at you even wider, not seeming to believe that you wore it, "It reminded us of your suit!" the older one quips, "It's so cool that you have a new 'Shadowbreaker suit' for the show, and not the same one as in the movie."

"Aw, yeah, I know. We had a full mood board for the new suit, and besides, the tight letter and cape don't make me look half bad." you all laugh, they nod in agreement before waving goodbye and walking over to Tom.

Getting tapped on the shoulder, you turn to see one of the convention workers standing behind you. You smile at him in greeting, "Ms. Y/l/n, we have your shuttle ready to take you to the panel- just through those doors there." he nods to the side, gesturing at a pair of metal double doors in the back of the hall.

You move to stand, flatting out the short purple dress you had worn to honor your character, "Thank you," you look down and inspect the id-card hanging around his neck, "Robert."

Walking through the emergency exit doors your smile falls, no longer having to fake happiness as you walked over to the cart. Sitting on the back of it you look up at your security, Eddy, leaning against it.

"You alright?" he asks, arms crossed over his chest. Inspecting you over the rim of his sunglasses, he sees you leaning over your knees and taking calming breaths.

"Umm- Yeah. Sure, I'm just tired after all this." your hand points towards the back of the large building, you cart being parked in a loading alley.

"Uhu, sure." he comments, and you scowl up at him, "I've worked for you for what? Four years?" he smiles.

"Almost five, and you know I hate it when you say that," you hit his arm gently, a smile growing on your face.

"What I mean is- I know you, Y/n. Which means that I also knows when your lying to me. You get that deep wrinkle between your brows when your tired," his laugh is boisterous as he flicks you with a finger between the brows.

"Hey! I do not!" it's time for you to cross your arms defensively now. Eddy lifts a brow at you, eyes widening as if asking 'oh, really'. You take a breath, looking down at your feet and then up again, "Okay, you win Eddy. It's just- it's To-"

You sit up straight as the metal doors open once more, this time Tom and Robert walk out and head the short distance to you. "Darling!" Tom greets, both him and Eddy noting the way you try to hide your flinch.

Your boyfriend's eyebrows scrunch together in question as he sits down next to you, Eddy and Robert sitting in the front. The team of security following your boyfriend fit into an identical cart behind yours, following as Robert started driving towards the part of the building with the large stage.

"You okay, darling?" Tom inquires, you being successful at hiding the second involuntary flinch it sent through your body. You just nod slowly, hearing Eddy tell Tom that you were just tired. Oh, God bless you, Eddy!

You couldn't help but feel betrayed in some weird way, him sharing something that meant so much to you with other people.

Getting through the panel without problem, forgetting your sadness in the moments that Tom pulled you closer or held your hand, you got to you hotel room just after the darkness had set.

Damn him for still having such sway over you even when he hurt you. He hadn't even noticed!

"Should we just order room service and watch movies tonight?" Tom asks after locking the hotel door, saying goodnight to your security who had the surrounding rooms. Planning on ignoring your sadness from today and hoping to get over it, you nod with a smile before going to take off your makeup.

Toweling your face and applying moisturizer, you allow your thoughts to run wild. "Fuck," you sigh, thinking back to the time you and Tom had agreed on talking about your feelings and problems to avoid fights, and knew you had to talk to him about this.

Changing into one of Tom's long sleeved shirts which went to your mid-thigh, you sat against the pillows on your side of the bed. Taking a calming breath to prepare for the conversation you were about to have, you pull your hands into the sleeves and blow a hot breath against your knuckles.

"Tom?" you call into the suite, your boyfriend coming to stand in the doorway, "We need to talk." you cringe immediately, sounding like some teen drama show.

"Did something happen? Is everything okay?" his eyes widen in slight panic as he sat down opposite you on the middle of the bed, "Did I do something?" You lay a calming hand on his leg to slow his thoughts.

"Well, I wanted to talk about today," Tom scrunches his nose in confusion, "I wasn't just tired today, I was-"

You took a breath and looked up at Tom, meeting his gaze he takes your hand in both of his and squeezing it reassuringly. "I was hurt by what you said to that girl. And I don't know if i-" there was a knock on the room, interrupting you.

The man in front of you looked between you and the door, torn between what to do. On one hand he wanted nothing more than to listen to what you were saying, but he also knew that they wouldn't leave if he didn't open. "It's the room service," he explains.

He must have rung down whilst you were getting ready. You nod, squeezing his hand as another set of knocks sounded through the suite. "Go. I will still be here when you come back," you try to joke but knowing that Tom wasn't in any mood to find it funny. You offer a weak smile in consolation, instead.

He moves out the room, not turning his back to you and keeping his sight at you before almost running to get the door.

You can hear muffled voices from the sitting room, wrapping your arms around yourself as you wait. Hearing the door closing and hurried steps heading in your direction, you stand to leave the room.

Shaking his head in no, Tom leads you back to the bed and sits you both down without a word. "But the food, Tom?"

"It can wait. This can't." he shrugs before nodding at you to continue.

"Okay," you bite your bottom lip in thought, how should you phrase this, "I guess I just thought the whole 'darling' thing was kind of our thing..." you whisper, embarrassed.

Tom looks at you quizzically, "Y/n..." you choose to interrupt him before he can finish,

"I know! I know! It's a normal thing, and I swear it's not that I'm jealous because I know you love me, but... It just means a lot to me- it's come to mean a lot to me, thanks to you, and it kind of caught me off guard is all." a small self-deprecating chuckle escapes your lips.'

Looking into his eyes, you see a tentative grin growing on his lips, "Oh! What now? I know it's stu-"

Pressing his lips against yours, choking out any chance you had at continuing, he wraps his hands behind your neck and in your hair. Pulling you closer into him, he lets a small laugh escape through your meshing lips.

"You are the cutest thing, pet." he smiles, keeping you close even after pulling away to talk. You search his face for any hint of his own thoughts but saw nothing except that stupidly wide grin and a sparkle in his eye.

"What?" you breathe, unsure of what was happening.

"Of course it's an 'us thing', darling, I just didn't know it meant that much to you," he gives you a series of soft pecks on your nose.

All you can do is nod, "Well then, darling," he drawls with a thick accent, "I won't do it again, ever. Will that make you happy, pet?"

Insecurity takes over you, convincing you that perhaps you were overreacting to something insignificant. "I don't want you to have to change anything," you murmur.

"I dont have to do anything, Y/n. I want to. I want to do it if it will make you happy, besides, I want the entire world to know that you, and only you, are my darling."

You nod, finally smiling at him and giving him one finally kiss, "Now, can we please eat?"

A/N: I had a lot of fun writing this, and I might make Eddy a recurring character for when the reader needs her own security team/security guard! Hope you like it!

Want to join my TAGLIST? Follow the link, please!

Forever Taglist:

@thighs-of-betrayal-blog @edenstarkk @reverse-iak @lokis-leah @my-current-fandom-is @irwinxbmth @oh-my-gerd @616films @horrorxweasley @flynn-flynnagan @ridiculous-creature @missmarvel03 @takemetoanotheruniversesposts @sweetdreamsjg @marilla-laufeyson-1054

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jslittlebirdie · 3 years

Text

Here Without You

Pairing: Soft!Ledger!Joker x Reader

Summary: Your last days have been really bad and exhausting. There are always new problems you have to take care of, you feel tired and burnt out, and on top of that, J hasn't shown up for several days. That was until today.

Word count: 1,344

Genre: probably a bit angsty / fluffy comfort / self-insert

Warnings: Reader has a bad day, low self esteem

Notes: A very big thank you to my dearest best friend @fan-of-pretty-much-2-much for encouraging me to post this fic. What would I do without you, your support and love? I own you so much🥺😭 Also, thank you so incredibly much for this simply beautiful title💜

Well, this fic is a total self-insert😅 I basically wrote it for myself as a comfort. So it's probably too cheesy and my characterization of J is way too soft and ooc. But maybe someone will like it anyway, I don't know. So read at your own risk lol🙈 Also, the text is unedited and English is not my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes.

Taglist: @ajokeformur-ray @sacredempressnatlyia @rommies

It had been days now since you last saw your clown. News reports were your only clues as to his whereabouts and well-being. You didn't blame him, he was a busy man - a free man who came and went as he pleased - and you wouldn't keep him from his business. Even though, if you were honest, you would love to not let him leave your apartment ever again, and instead keep him with you where you knew he was safe; not that he couldn't take care of himself.

But you missed him terribly. And on top of that, your doubts and insecurities were getting worse with each passing day. You probably weren't good enough for him, too boring and annoying with all your worries. Would he ever come back to you? Was he tired of you? Had you perhaps upset him without knowing it?

And today... Today was a particularly bad day. Already early in the morning the day had started with bad news, new things you had to take care of. Problems kept coming up, there just seemed to be no end in sight. Once you had taken care of one thing, two new things popped up. You felt overwhelmed, burned out and tired. You longed for a break. You longed for him.

A familiar noise. But you only heard it very distantly. You were far too lost in your sad and gloomy thoughts. You sat on your bed and stared at the wall. Your eyes hurt because you tried to hold back your tears as hard as you could, even though you knew it was wrong. But you wanted to stay strong, not show any weakness.

The noise came closer, heavy footsteps. The door to your room cracked open and a face painted with makeup peered in, looking for you. When J spotted you, he grinned mischievously. But his good mood soon changed when he saw you in this miserable state. He immediately noticed that something was wrong, even if he didn't quite know what it was yet. So he entered your room without waiting for you to give him your permission. And even when J stood right in front of you and looked at you with his beautiful dark eyes, which actually showed a hint of concern, you hardly reacted, which admittedly only worried him more. Because you normally ran up to him at the first sign of his presence. But today was... different. And he didn't like it at all.

"What's the matter, toots, hm? I'm back, I'm here."

You stared at him, but you couldn't see him. You hadn't quite realized yet that he was truly standing in front of you. It seemed more like your mind was playing a trick on you - an evil trick to torture you even more. "I'm so sorry, J," you finally uttered. It wasn't so much directed at him as you were talking to yourself.

"You're sorry for what?" He frowned thoughtfully. He couldn't remember anything you had done that you needed to apologize for. But it wasn't a surprise that you apologized in the first place. You apologized for the smallest things, sometimes even for apologizing. But this time, he was a little bit confused.

"I don't know. That I annoyed you with... with me being the way I am. I don't know, okay?!" That was the moment you snapped back to reality. You saw him. Standing in front of you, in his usual slightly bent posture, his head tilted to one side as he tried to figure things out. And that's when you couldn't hold back your tears any longer.

Intuitively, J leaned down towards you and reached out to cup your face with his gloved hands. But you flinched away from him, too ashamed and insecure. "No, J. Don't!"

But he didn't let that stop him. Even though you had said the exact opposite, he could tell by the look in your eyes how much you wanted him. And it caused a strange feeling to rise in his chest - he wasn't sure what to think of it, so he just shrugged it off and focused all of his attention back on you. He sat down next to you, wrapped his arms around your body that was trembling with tension, and gently pulled you to him. This time you let it happen; the second he touched you, you were like putty in his hands. Moments later you found yourself on his lap and you couldn't help but cling to him as tightly as you could, your tear-streaked face buried in his broad chest, inhaling his scent between heavy sobs - a mixture of burnt rubber, gasoline and sweat (he had been out there for days, of course, he hadn't had time to worry about such trivialities) and something so specifically J that your heart ached. Oh, how much you had missed him. All you wanted and needed was him. Your J. It was kind of ironic. While others ran away from him in sheer panic, you longed for him. You had never been like others, you saw so much more in him than just a criminal. To you, he was your charming, sometimes pretty grumpy, but still in his own special way caring and loving clown - but you better not say this out loud. You just loved him. This realization hit you so hard that a new wave of emotions washed over you.

"Shush. I'm here, I gotcha." He shifted beneath you, loosening his grip around you, causing you to sigh in frustration. Rustling of expensive material and then suddenly you felt all warm - he had wrapped you in his royal purple coat and then put his arms around you again like a vice. You were in the warmest, safest embrace you could ever think of. Immediately, your body relaxed, your trembling finally subsided. You listened to his steady heartbeat and mimicked his breathing. J hummed and smiled to himself as he noticed your reaction.

When you finally felt calm enough, you lifted your face off of him so you could look at him; your eyes were bloodshot and dark rings stood out beneath them. He hated to see you like this, but he said nothing; he waited until you were ready to talk. And you were ready. You took a deep breath and finally murmured, "Today was just a shitty day. There's so much to do and it seems to never get any less. Everything is too much. And I... I missed you so much... I thought you weren't coming back."

"But here I am, right?" He squeezed you a little tighter to put emphasis on his words. "I know you've got a lot going on right now. But ya got this, toots. You're tougher than you think you are. Aaand..." A huge and devious grin formed on his lips. You could literally see him thinking about all the things he had done in the past few days. "I need to lay a little low for the next few days."

"Yeah, I picked up something like this on the news. What is it this time?" You're no longer able to suppress a weak giggle. And a yawn. You were so very tired and exhausted, you hadn't slept well since J left, when he wasn't by your side. But now that you were cocooned in his protective warmth... Your eyes grew heavier and heavier. "So does this mean you're staying home, J?"

"I'm not going anywhere, sweets." He moved you both on the bed until you were in a lying position, you still on top of him wrapped in his coat. Even though he would never admit it, he had missed you too. And holding you in his arms like that - feeling you, knowing you were safe and relaxed - made him aware of his own exhaustion. He pressed a sloppy kiss to your forehead, leaving a beautiful reminder for you when you woke up in the morning, and then closed his eyes himself.

#ledger!joker #ledger joker #J #ledger!joker fanfic #soft!joker #soft!ledger!joker #ledger joker x reader #ledger!joker x reader #fluff #fluffy comfort #joker fluff #joker fanfiction #tdk fanfic #my fanfic #my writing

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mooniefics · 3 years

Text

— quietly (it was told to believe)

pairing : connie springer / reader

word count : 2.4k

tags : heartache, hurt / comfort, friendship / love, mourning, first kiss

summary : life has been unkind to connie springer, and you've been there every step of the way.

— originally posted 1 / 24 / 21 —

"connie.." you tugged at the reins in your right hand, guiding your horse over to trot beside his, "are you alright?"

the sun had just set below the horizon, barely lighting the navy sky enough for you to see the thin clouds stretching out over it, the torch in your non-steering hand providing the best illumination over your friend's face. he looked almost dazed before you'd caught his attention, staring off into the distance at what seemed to be the castle ruins your group was making its way towards, but they were unfocused, blank, eyes filled with something so unfamiliar and sorrowful.

he righted his expression instantly when he turned to you, smiling wide enough that his cheeks puffed and his lids squeezed shut, cocking his head to the side as he spoke. "yeah! but today has been so long, i'm honestly just ready to get some sleep."

you knew that couldn't possibly be true, not after what you'd witnessed in ragako. he'd been calling out for his family, tears in his eyes, just to find his home completely crushed, ruined under the disfigured body of a titan. and though reiner had reached him first to offer comfort, you had caught the way connie's voice wavered, alarmed words spilling out of his as he pleaded with his friend to believe him, that the frail looking abomination before him had spoken and welcomed him home. and while you didn't believe that had really happened, you were sure that such a jarring sight couldn't have been good for him, that maybe in his hysteria to find any sign of life his mind had begun to play tricks on him.

and you'd been worried all throughout your team's trek, how his face had gone from tight with fear and adrenaline to resigned and despondent, then weighed down into the expression you'd seen before he put on a mask of bravery and enthusiasm. he looked so tired, entirely overwhelmed with the reality that his entire family may be dead—were most likely dead—and you couldn't imagine that you or anybody else would fair much better in such a situation. but you simply nodded at his false reassurance, cognizant of your comrades flanking you, not wanting to pry into such a fresh, vulnerable wound and humiliate him before the people he wanted so desperately to be strong for.

so you allowed the silence to fall around the two of you on the remainder of the journey to the castle, air filled with the soft pops and snaps of your burning torches and the dull clop of hooves on the dry ground. it was after you'd all tied up your horses, stretched out your sore legs and backs and barely explored the decrepit space before convening for a brief moment on the bottom floor to take inventory, that everyone had begun to drift off in their own directions. ymir declaring she would look for more food, the veterans taking up the mantle of titan watching on the lookout of the tower, reiner eventually taking off after ymir, christa disappearing down a hall with a gleam of curiosity in her eyes—and suddenly, it was just you and connie alone, sitting in silence beside each other around the small, crackling fire.

"connie," you tried, quietly, hesitantly reaching out to settle your hand over his on the cool stone floor, "you know i'm here.."

he didn't reply, vacant eyes gazing into the flames licking at the darkened kindling, and you could see how the tears glimmered on his lashes, bottom lip wobbling before he pressed his mouth into a thin line. "i just— i don't understand." he whispered weakly, "what did the people of my village, my family.. my mother.. what did they do to deserve this?"

you inched closer, fingers curling around his palm, feeling a twinge in your own heart as you replied. "nothing. they didn't do anything. it was just... a terrible accident."

you hated that you could only offer him such a lame explanation at the moment, but you were as much in the dark on the matter as he was. and though your words may have not comforted him, your touch seemed to make up for it, allowing him to turn him your shoulder and squeeze your hand tightly in his own, just barely trembling, feeling the light drip of tears wetting your shirt.

"it just hurts, you know?" he murmured in your shirt, voice fraying at the edges with sadness.

"i know, connie." you took a deep breath, "one day, things will be better."

he sniffled, swallowing thickly, pulling away to wipe his free hand down his face, hopeless hazel eyes blinking at you. "do you really think so?"

you didn't, you never had, not even on your best days, not when you were lying in bed staring up at the dark in the dorms, not when you were fighting for your life and watching the people you'd come to know be struck down for no good reason, their screamed last words and snapping bones and splattered blood as they disappeared forever into the stomachs of titans.

you could feel that pity, that empathy weighing down your heart heavy even further as you gazed at him, eyes stinging with your own tears as you told him, quietly. "we just have to believe."

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

you didn't know what hurt more in that moment—the heat still lingering over your skin from the steam of your gas tank, the way the belts of your harness were digging uncomfortably into your chest and thighs, mikasa and armin's broken screams as they kneeled on the ground beside sasha, paying no mind to how her blood was seeping into the fabric of their uniform, or connie's face as he staggered to his feet, taut with horror and such an indescribable grief as he stumbled into eren's holding quarters.

you were paralyzed, staring down at your friend, pale and still on the floor of the airship, your breathing so fast that you barely felt like you were getting any air in, heart a few frantic beats away from bursting in your chest. every part of you felt almost entirely numb, falling to your knees and unable to do nothing but gaze on at the scene before you. you couldn't believe that this was how it had all ended for sasha, after surviving three years of cadet training, four years in the scouts, countless expeditions outside the wall, even trips across the ocean—you couldn't believe that this was where sasha met her demise, on an airship away from home, at the hands of a child, still wondering about food until the very end.

visiting her grave was a dreary, surreal affair, and finding niccolo, the man who'd brought her so much joy through his cooking, so confused and anguished as he mourned despite having only known her for such a short amount of time. but even after he'd left with jean's arm around his shivering shoulders, and mikasa had murmured her soft goodbyes when she caught sight of the sun beginning to sink below to horizon, connie still remained, and you stayed behind with him.

only after everyone else had left did he allow himself to cry, trembling as he kneeled before her grave, head resting forward against the engraved headstone, tears dripping down onto the flowers that had been lain before it. he sobbed and cursed, clutching his hands to his chest, letting out the occasional strained whisper of "sasha.. y-you idiot.. why did you have to go and l-leave me behind so soon..?"

and you turned away to give him his privacy, letting your own tears roll freely down your face as you stared out into the orange sky. but eventually he fell silent, and you slowly knelt down beside him, gingerly placing a hand over his back. "connie, it's late, we should get going." you tried not to let your voice waver for his sake, forcing a small smile as you added on, "dinner'll be served soon. sasha wouldn't have wanted us to miss it."

he let out a wry chuckle, lifting his head to gaze at you with teary, wistful eyes. but they flickered back to her grave for just a brief second, and any semblance of a smile on his lips faded, features instead expressing such a raw, incessant sorrow. "things will get better one day, won't they? maybe sasha won't be there, but we'll live to see for her, won't we?"

you bit at the inside of your cheek, forcing down a sob threatening to shake you as you nodded, settling your other hand over his on the ground just as you had at the ruins of utgard.

"we will. i believe in us. i promise we'll see it for her."

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"connie locked himself in his room again."

that was all jean had to say before you were up on your feet, walking briskly down the halls to find him. your first few knocks at the door went unanswered, but you persisted, rapping at it more forcefully. "connie, please open up. it's me."

after a moment, you heard heavy footsteps staggering toward the door, uncoordinated hands wrestling with the knob's lock before it unlatched, the door swinging open to reveal your friend, eyes low and face flushed with intoxication, red cheeks gleaming with tears. but before you could say anything, he was tugging you in by the wrist, throwing the door shut behind you and locking it, stalking back over to his bed and seating himself on the edge of the mattress, balancing his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

"don't want anyone else t' see me.." he faltered, and though you couldn't see his face, you could hear in his voice that he'd begun to cry again, "like this."

you felt your heart clench in your chest, taking in the state of his quarters. his sheets were messy and twisted, like he'd been thrashing about in his sleep, and the bottle of liquor that lay forgotten on the floor was completely empty, the only light being provided by the dim oil lamp burning in the corner.

"connie.." you sat beside him, arm curling around his shaking form.

"i just don't understand," he slurred, nails digging into his scalp, "i don't fuckin' understand what they did to deserve this! my m-mom, my dad.. sunny an' martin.. s-s-sasha... they were all good people.. why does everyone keep leaving me.. why does everybody keep dying..?"

you didn't know what to say, what could you possibly say to someone who had lost so much that hadn't been told to them a thousand times before? i'm sorry? it'll be ok? things will get better eventually? you didn't even believe that assertion yourself, despite having told him for the last four years over and over that the happiness he deserved—the happiness he'd earned through so much hardship—would come someday if he just believed it would.

"i don't know," you whispered, a hand gently coaxing him to sit up, settling on his warm, wet cheek to guide his gaze onto your face, "but you're still here for a reason. we both are. and i know that everybody we know who has died deserved nothing more than to live a long happy life free of all the shit that's going on now, but now it's our job to make sure everyone who has been lucky enough to make it this far will be able to see that happy ending we've all been working so hard for."

you couldn't help but cry alongside him with the way he was looking at you, with such admiration and sadness shining in his eyes, a trembling hand rising to rest over the one at his face. "do you promise?" he croaked, leaning into your touch, "do you promise that you'll live to see the end with me?"

"i promise." you said without hesitation, "i'll be with you every step of the way."

there was death looming over your shoulder just about everyday now, whether it was the thought of your own demise, or that of your remaining friends, or the nightmares of your fallen comrades that haunted your dreams, it was always there, ever-present, clinging to you like a dark shroud. but for now, in the flickering light of his room, his slender fingers threading between your own, his presence warm and comforting beside you despite the despair you shared, you felt like you could truly, honestly promise him that you two would make it.

and you didn't pull away when he leaned forward, eyes hazy, shining and full of more emotions than you could possibly discern, then gone as his lids fluttered shut. his kiss was tender, almost bittersweet, brackish with tears and sharp with the taste of alcohol on his lips, hand trembling as it squeezed yours. and for the moment, you relished in the feeling of him, in all his agony and adoration and steadfastness, every bit of him that you'd loved in so many ways for so long. and though you wished to stay as you were all night, you remembered the empty bottle at your feet, thinking about whether if you managed to put him bed now if he'd be able to get enough rest to sleep away the majority of the hangover he would be sure to have tomorrow.

so you pulled away, smiling at him, patting his cheek affectionately before you pulled yourself to your feet. "you need to get to bed soon. think about how much of a headache it'll be if you don't sleep this off."

"fine." he had sobered up enough to resign to your logic, standing with huff to join you, stooping low to snatch the bottle off the ground and dump it in the small wastebasket by his door as you flapped out his sheets.

you proceeded across the room to the lamp, pleased with yourself when you heard him clambering into bed behind you, moving to the window to shut his curtains before making your way back over to him.

"g'night."

"goodnight, connie." you bent down to plant a chaste peck over his forehead, able to see his face flush with the thin beam of moonlight peeking through the gap in the thin drapes, "i'll see you in the morning."

you left his room, making sure to quietly shut the door behind you, wandering back down the now darkened hallways to your quarters, an odd, but definitely not unwelcoming optimism for the future fluttering about in your chest—a future you could really believe in for the two of you to share.

#connie springer #connie aot #connie springer x reader #connie springer angst #connie springer x you #aot x reader #aot x you #snk x reader #snk x you #shingeki no kyoujin x reader #shingeki no kyojin fanfiction

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bby-ahgastay · 4 years

Text

Locked In - H.J.S

a/n: so this took way too long :/. my brain cell is giving out fr🤧. i hope you enjoy it!

member: Han Jisung (Stray Kids)

summary: one friday some of you decide to sneak into school and hotbox the principal's office, but you and jisung get locked in together, leaving you alone for a while👀.

warnings: smoking weed, oral(m.receiving), fingering, unprotected sex(always use condoms tho bc fuck them kids loll), slight degradation, hair pulling, a little choking.

requested: yes!! and i wanted to say again thank you for requesting this at all, and i'm still sorry it took so long🥺. i really want to try writing more so feel free to request more too!

"miss y/l/n, would you like to repeat that?" your math teacher tilts one ear towards you from her spot in front of the class, new seating chart still clutched tightly in her clammy hands. every one of your classmates shifts to look back at you, your seat in the way back and clearly on purpose. while you were back there, your three closest friends were all scattered in the front.

each of them watches you as well, on standby in case you need any of them to help you out. ryujin is good at helping you rile the teacher up even more. jeongin and chaeryeong use their baby faces to their advantage, usually throwing the teacher some puppy dog eyes and hardly even saying anything, yet still managing to get her to back off of you guys. in some cases they even distract her long enough for you two to escape.

you're not sure why, it's not like she doesn't know that they're your friends. it must be something about their cute, innocent looks that always seemed to make your teacher forget whose side they were on.

"oh, sure!" you chirp, setting your pencil down and beginning to fold the paper you just wrote on. the words 'let's leave early, fuck this' get covered more and more each time you fold a piece of the paper, your eyes not even moving to look at the teacher as you continue. "i said, this seating chart is bullshit. moving us all from our friends won't stop us, you know. it might be quiet for now, but we are not paying attention," you chuckle bitterly, inspecting the paper airplane as you finish it.

"now we'll just be even more distracted finding new ways to communicate," you hold up the plane to show your teacher, making a small 'pop' sound with your mouth as you launch it to ryujin. your friend lights up and stands to catch it, opening the paper and snickering before nodding at you, chae and innie catching your faces and already knowing what to do.

"you two cut it out right now! shin ryujin, give me that paper!" she steps closer to ryujin, the girl scowling at her as she stands on her desk, holding the paper up high as she crumples it in one hand.

"full name? really? i mean, who do you think you are? my mother? get over yourself already," ryujin scoffs. the teacher seethes, arms crossed and foot tapping.

"get down before i call security!"

"bite me, dude."

"AH!!" chaeryeong suddenly screams, climbing on top of her desk dramatically. "miss, i just saw a rat!" she cries out, pointing towards a gap between the wall and bookshelf. the teacher sighs as everyone else gasps and shouts, bringing their feet and bags off the ground.

"chaeryeong... this school does not have rats..." she rubs at her face with one hand, eyes covered as she boils in frustration. while she's not looking, ryujin slowly lowers herself back to the tile, quietly gathering her bag and backing up. you also get your stuff together and begin trying to head towards the back door.

the teacher takes her hand from her face and nearly turns around to ryujin's desk again, but jeongin jumps up to her side, clinging onto her arm to bring her towards the shelf and timidly pointing towards it.

"no, miss, she's right! i saw it too! it-it was huge!" his eyes stare down at her, wide and shining. the last thing you hear is the teacher groaning, then the bookshelf moving and even more chaos from your classmates, then you and ryujin rush to slip out of the door.

as soon as the door closes, you both break for the cafeteria, deciding on an early lunch like you usually do when you sneak out of this class. you both laugh as you make it to the lunch room, catching your breaths for a moment before walking into the large room.

a few other students are already there too, some in line to get food and some sitting at tables while they wait for friends. you and ryujin head over to where you usually sit, a large table where a couple of your friends already wait for everyone.

"hey guys," ryujin pats yeji on the shoulder, sitting between her and lia. you sit in the seat next to yeji, leaning back and smiling at your older friends. as they begin talking you just take out your phone and headphones, opting to listen to music and scroll through twitter rather than join in.

as you start your playlist you hear the chair next to you scraping against the floor. with only a glance over your shoulder you see han jisung, laughing with some friends as they all sit at your table. you try to bite back a smile as he sits next to you, turning his attention from minho and felix to you.

"hey, you're here early," he beams down at you, opening the drink he just bought and handing it to you to have a sip. you shrug and set your phone down, taking your earbuds out as you sit up straighter and take the bottle.

"yeah, some stuff happened in class today, ryujinnie and i-"

"oh my god, y/n, ryujin! you should have seen, it was so great!" you hear chaeryeong exclaim as her and jeongin come bounding towards your table. you chuckle and shake your head lightly as they plop down in seats across from you, gasping for their breaths through laughter.

the others all give them their full attention, curiosity in everyone's eyes. your partner in crime grins at them both, ready to hear what happened once you left, but you just watch jisung as he waits to hear what they have to say.

"after you guys left everyone pretty much said fuck it, we spent the rest of the class with everyone just throwing paper airplanes and the teacher totally just gave up! she sat there the whole time at her desk on her phone and just let us. it would have been sad if she wasn't such a bitch," jeongin shakes his head, cringing at the bitter memories of your teacher.

"ah, i had her, too! she was awful," jisung scrunches his nose, eyes coming back to you. he's a year older than you, meaning he's also a year ahead of you in school. "i must applaud you, as much as me and the others tried we never got her to actually give up. surprising since there were so many of us, really! you two did what me, seungmin, felix, hyunjin, yeji, and lia couldn't," he shakes his head a little, seeming amused yet proud of you.

you only smile up at him as the conversation continues around you.

------

"GAH!" you feel someone jumping on you, hands on your shoulders. with seungmin being consideredably larger than you, you nearly topple over and try to grab onto the closest person to keep yourself up. you catch hyunjin by surprise as you do, his reaction being to practically scream and jump back when you try to grab his arm, swatting you off of him and hardly making it any easier for you.

"my god, you two are gonna kill one of these girls one day," chan shakes his head at the younger boys.

"min, that was unprovoked!" jisung tries to stop himself from laughing, hands on both of your arms to make sure you're steady. this is really pointless given that you've already stopped yourself from falling, barely assisted by hyunjinnie.

he ruffles your hair and scrunches his nose at you playfully. you're sure that you look up at him with hearts in your eyes, your face heating up just from being this close to the boy.

"gosh, my poor baby! just look at how red her face is, she's overwhelmed!" lia exclaims, stroking your hair gently from behind you, then turning to lightly hit seungmin on the chest. the rest of your group all laugh as her and yeji both begin lightly scolding seungmin and hyunjin.

with jisung still not moving, you only look up at him. a pretty smile takes over his face as he laughs at your guys' friends. you can't help yourself as you reach out to pinch one of his cheeks, your face heating up again as he looks at you with a pout.

"what was that for," he tries not to laugh, his bottom lip still sticking out. hiding your giddy expression, you shrug, turning to ryujin before he says anything else.

"did you ever get your phone back from the principal?"

"no!" she frowns deeply, crossing her arms and glaring towards the principals office. she had been forced to go all day without it when a teacher took it in first period. "i went to go get it last period but she said that since it's happened so many times she gets to keep it here all weekend. which, by the way, is a rule that i have never heard at this school!" she nearly shouts, and everyone in your friend group just stares at her.

"sorry, i'm just mad about my phone," she mumbles, arms crossed.

most of the group nods understandingly and returns to their conversations. but you look around and pull together a group of six; you, ryujin, chaeryeong, seungmin, jeongin, and jisung. they all look at you curiously as you motion for them to take a few steps away from everyone else.

"why don't we get your phone back? like, tonight," you look at each of them. they all consider it for a moment, ryujin the only one who doesn't look unsure. "no one will be here past eight. that's when even the last security guard gets tired and goes home, and we already know how to sneak into the office," you point between yourself and the other two girls.

"how?"

"why does that matter?"

"well, i mean, i'm just saying, i don't know how, so this is obviously something you did without me," jeongin grumbles, arms crossed and pouting childishly.

"god, hush up!" chaeryeong lightly smacks his head, not hard enough to actually hurt him. "bigger things are going on than when we hotboxed the office without you scrubs," she smirks, eyes on you now as she waits for you to continue.

the boys stare at you three in shock, seeming more offended than before. "the betrayal," jisung can't help but smile as he speaks, your heart racing you just smile and look away.

"anyways, it wouldn't be too hard. all we have to do is plan a little and come back around nine or something tonight. are you guys down? we can hotbox the office again?" you grin at them, knowing that's all it'll take to get them to agree.

and they all do.

"i would have been on board either way, hell yeah," jisung ruffles your hair, making your heart clench as you giggle and push his hand away.

"on board for what?"

chan, yeji, and lia all walk up to you, curious and already suspecting something bad. the three of them are easily the most parent-like friends in your group. they all tend to try to steer you and the others away from trouble, and you know they wouldn't love this plan. 'just be patient instead,' they would no doubt tell ryujin. the six of you know that's much less fun, though.

"nothing. just sungie and minnie agreeing to help us four with an assignment this weekend," you smile at your older friends. they eye you suspiciously but let it go, deciding that ignorance is bliss.

-------

"jesus, han, please let me drive back," ryujin shakes her head, fixing her hoodie as you climb out of han's car.

"no way, i'm not that bad! besides, you probably have road rage and i don't fuck with that," he dangles the keys in front of her before shoving them in his pocket.

"he's not that bad," you assure ryujin. she looks at you as if saying 'of course you think so,' and you three continue towards the school gate to meet the other half of your group.

you and ryujin came with jisung, only because he lives closer to you guys. and seungmin lives much closer to jeongin and chaeryeong, so you guys are meeting them at the front gate.

as you guys walk up to the tall gate, you can already see seungmin, jeongin, and chaeryeong come down on the other side. ryujin is quick to jump onto it, grinning down at the three already inside your campus.

"can't believe you guys started without us! how lame!"

"well, when you guys take forever," seungmin responds, offering your friend a hand as she comes down on their side.

"blame mr. grandpa driver over there," she lazily nods in jisung's direction, letting the older boy help her land softly. the four of them wait for you and han as he only rolls his eyes, offering you a boost to climb up.

you let him help you and the two of you make your way over the gate quickly, landing with your friends with ease.

"okay, so we all know where the piggy's office is," chaeryeong speaks up, pulling her beanie down as you all look to her. "i know how to pick locks, so i'll take care of that. after, it would be easiest to leave through the window, it leaves us closer to where we parked and it's just quicker. also it's more fun to leave the window open to let her know someone was in there. sounds like a nice big 'fuck you' to me," she smiles sweetly.

the principal tends to be a bit of a bully. she's been rude to each of your friends on multiple occasions, even the sweetest ones. so it's not like you guys are doing this only for fun. or only the get ryujinnie's phone. she also deserves it, which is why you and the other girls have done it before too.

you guys all head for the office, your steps hurried and quiet just in case anyone is still on campus. it's unlikely, but you all still wanted to be careful.

once you reach the door to the principals office, all of you stand behind chaeryeong and wait for her to get the door open. it only takes her a minute to get it, and she pulls the pins out of the keyhole and pushes the door open.

"hurry up, everyone," she smiles, pushing each of you in gently. she enters last, closing and locking the door behind her as you and ryujin go straight for the desk.

"this one," ryujin mumbles as she reaches for one of the drawers. you help her rummage through it in search of her phone, eventually finding it under a stack of papers and folders. "bitch," she grumbles while slamming the drawer shut, flopping down into the principals chair and pulling her backpack off her shoulders.

unzipping her bag, ryujin begins pulling out the essentials for you guys to hotbox the office as planned. you and chae begin going around the office to close the vents and make sure the windows are closed. the guys all watch as you prepare, only finding it funny that you guys are so used to this.

"so how often do you guys break in here?" jisung questions. you shrug and pull your sweater off, stuffing it under the door to close the gap. hannie's eyes travel over you, now only in a black top and shorts, a smile tugging at his lips as you straighten back up.

"not often... but often enough to know what the fuck we're doing," ryujin speaks from behind the desk, comfortably rolling a couple blunts in the principals chair. everyone gravitates closer to her, you and chaeryeong sitting on the desk and the guys hovering around the desk and the windows behind it.

"i still can't believe you guys do this without me. the other two losers i can understand, but come on! i'm in the same year as you guys, that's supposed to mean solidarity," jeongin complains, coming to rest his chin on chae's shoulder and watch ryujin work on the blunts.

"yah, these two 'losers' are your seniors, innie, watch it," seungmin scolds playfully, stepping closer to pull the younger boys hair lightly. jeongin sits up and pouts, rubbing his head in fake pain.

"oh, both of you stop. i get why they wanted to hang out without us. we're fucking annoying," jisung smacks them both in the back of the head, sitting next to you on the desk afterwards. you gaze up at him with a grin, your heart speeding up just like always as he comes closer to you.

he notices your stare, letting his eyes move down to meet yours. "hi," he smiles cutely, patting your head.

"hi," you manage to respond, looking back to your other friends and trying to remember to breathe as he pulls your head onto his shoulder, his arm resting across your shoulders.

ryujin finishes rolling three blunts, passing them to whoever has their lighter out already. jisung, ryujin, and seungmin end up with them and they share with whoever they stand closest to. you share with jisung, ryujin shares with jeongin, and seungmin shares with chaeryeong.

as all three blunts are lit up and all six of you begin taking hits, the room slowly but surely fills with smoke.

-------

"ah! oh, oh my god!" you all gasp for your breath through laughter nearly an hour after you start smoking. jisung rolls around on the floor and usually you'd call him extra to joke around more, but now you're right there with him as everyone else clutches onto some sort furniture or something to keep themselves up.

"s-stop my stomach hurts!" chaeryeong cries out, still giggling through it all. jeongin tries to sit up in the principals chair, failing as he collapses in more laughter. seungmin sits across from him in a chair, one that students sit in when they come to visit the principal, the two of them enacting some sort of scene where jeongin imitates the principal.

usually you guys would all laugh at the joke and move on, but given that everyone is high as shit right now, it's been the joke you guys have been dying at for the last twenty minutes. all of you try to catch your breaths as your laughter starts dying down, everyone finally calming down.

"oh, fuck," ryujin gasps, suddenly sitting up in her spot and looking towards the door. you all look too, silent as you wait for her to say more. "i just heard footsteps!" she looks at all of you, eyes wide and ready to leave already. all of you must be paranoid or something, because not one of you questions her. instead you all jump into action, speaking in hushed voices as you all make sure you have everything.

when everyone thinks they have all of their stuff, you all gather by one window and wait for chaeryeong to get it open. the footsteps become louder and clearer as she picks the lock, cursing out loud at the fact that your school had to make sure it couldn't be opened without a key even inside. once she hears the locks shift she pulls the bobby pins out, sliding the window open quickly.

"shit, everyone go!" seungmin speaks as jeongin crawls through first, the two helping everyone get out and on the ground safely. but just as it's your turn, you realize what you're forgetting.

"oh god, my hoodie," you meet eyes with jisung, and he moves aside to let you rush to grab it, telling seungmin to go while he waits for you. bending over to snatch your sweater from it's spot on floor, you can hear the last couple of footsteps before the person stops. in front of the door. you come up as the lock begins to click, a key being inserted to unlock it.

"i swear, it stinks in here," you hear a voice. straightening back up, you clutch your sweater to your chest and slowly back up. it feels like you black out, your heart is pounding and you can't think of exactly what you should do. you don't hear it, but jisung is quietly calling for you to hurry up and climb out of the window already.

before you can process anything properly, you feel a hand grab you and drag you into the open door to the left, a small room full of filing cabinets which you guys were goofing around in not long ago. now jisung is pulling you into it, closing the door just as the other one swings open, the schools principal walking in.

"oh, shit," the principal groans, the door slamming. han still has you in his arms, his chest to your back and a hand over your mouth. your try to look back at him, but you can't turn around fully in his arms, so you just listen to the woman on the other side of the door swearing some more.

"god, those stupid kids must have been in here again! it smells like god damn marijuana and my window is wide open! that's just rude, if you ask me," she grumbles to someone, probably on the phone. "i should really drop by on weekends more often, try to catch them! i'm sure this hasn't been the only time and probably won't be the last... i find this out all because i forgot my ipod."

she must have put the phone on speaker, because as she goes through a drawer you can barely hear a girls voice respond to her. "stop, mom, if nothing is missing then it's fine! leave those high schoolers alone, already... and stop using an ipod you have a phone for that!"

you and jisung almost bust out laughing, his hand on your mouth keeping yours contained and one of your hands going to cover his. the principal tries arguing, but her daughter keeps telling her she's wrong in some way. as the fight continues, she leaves the office.

both of you take your hands from each other's faces, neither of you stepping away from each other as you wait. "think she'll come back?" you glance back at him, shaking your head slightly as his eyes stare into yours.

"probably not, she's lazy. i'm surprised she came back for her ipod," you pause for a moment, still looking up at him. you two struggle to look away from each other for a moment, your mind blurring as he licks his lips.

suddenly one of your phones starts ringing, the sound making you flinch away from him. both of you search for your phones in your pockets, pulling them out and seeing that it's your phone.

"hey, we just saw her car leaving! are you guys coming down or what?" chaeryeong's voice comes through the phone. you put her on speaker for jisung to hear, opening the door and walking back into the office.

"small problem with that..." you sigh as you see the window is closed. "she closed the window. and locked it," you try without success to push it open anyways, han coming to stand next to you as you both peer out of the window.

"well, shit. it wouldn't be a problem... if i didn't lose my bobby pins climbing out," your friend sighs. you can hear the others all yelling and groaning in the background, chaeryeong whining as they do. "i'm sorry, y/n and jisung! i'll have min drive us to go get some, we'll be back, don't move!" she hangs up after that, leaving you and jisung stuck in the office.

"no clue where we'd go, but okay," jisung sighs, running a hand through his hair.

you look over at him and can't seem to hold back the laughter bubbling in your chest, one hand over your face as your try harder. he looks down at you, confused but still smiling. "what?" he questions cutely.

"i don't even know," you gasp. "just... this is so funny for some reason," you realize suddenly that you're still high, nearly falling over as you lean against the window. he stares down at you, starting to find the humor in it as he watches you, and soon enough he finds it hard not to laugh too.

"i-i think we're still a little fucked up," jisung manages to get out, placing his hands on your shoulders, shaking you lightly as he continues laughing.

"no shit, sungie," you reach up to smush his cheeks with both of your hands, giggling even more at his face as you do. he takes your wrists and brings your hands away from his face, his laughter fading as he gazes down at you.

"i like when you call me that. it sounds better coming from your mouth than other people," his charming smile and deep voice nearly kill you. he chuckles a little when all you do is stare up at him, admiration and longing in your eyes.

"stop," you whine in embarrassment as he lets go of your wrists. you bring your hands up to feel your cheeks, your skin much warmer than usual as you blush.

"no way," he mumbles before letting one of his hands come to the back of your neck, pulling you towards him for a kiss. you gasp a little as his lips touch yours, the way his mouth moves over yours making your knees weak.

han's other hand goes to your lower back, tugging you against him. when he pulls back from the kiss, you look up at him, feeling happiness buzzing through you.

you don't think you've ever been this close to jisung, not like this. maybe standing together in a crowd, or sitting next to each other in a packed car. but never with his arms actually around you, with his face hardly centimeters away from yours. your heart pounds because of it.

"you know i've liked you for like, a while now, right?" he asks you softly, resting his forehead on yours. you're not sure what to say, you don't usually do well with talking about your feelings for someone, not to that person. you just lean forward to leave small kisses against the skin on his neck, hoping he'll get it from that.

he chuckles as your lips move against him. "i know you've liked me too. jeonginnie has a big mouth." you move back with a pout.

"what?! how long have you known..." you whine, bringing your arms around him and nuzzling your head in his chest. his chest vibrates with his small laugh, teasingly pinching at your hips.

"not too long... a week or so..." you're able to hear his grin in his voice, your heart swelling as his hands begin moving up and down your back. "i just was too scared to bring it up until now, i guess," he brings two fingers under your chin, making you look up at him again. "i have no clue why, now i wish i kissed you a lot sooner."

you feel yourself melt as he gazed down at you, eyes closing as he moves to catch your lips on his again. as his tongue slips into your mouth, he steps backwards, not letting your mouths disconnect as he moves towards the principals chair.

you two part for only a second as he sits down, guiding you onto his lap, you both giggle at each other giddyly. he doesn't hesitate to bring your lips back to his, smirking through the kiss. arms tightening around your waist, he hugs you close to him as you explore each other mouths.

after making out for a few minutes, he moves down to your neck, hands moving up and down your thighs and gripping your ass every so often. a choked moan slips from your lips as he sucks and nips at a spot near your collarbone, your teeth sinking into your lower lip to stop any more from coming out.

jisung leans back slightly, his expression smug and eyes hooded as he stares up at you. "did you just moan?" he asks, amused and letting his hands roam over your body.

"no," your face heats up and you pout a little. one of his eyebrows goes up, that cockiness still very evident in his grin. "shut up," you mumble, putting your head on his shoulder. you leave a small kiss where his neck and shoulder meet, your own grin growing slightly.

"i'm sure i could get you to moan, too, sung," you chuckle a little, one of your hands going to play with his waistband. you see his eyebrows go up, eyes wide as his breath catches.

"wha- ...here..?"

you hold back more laughter, leaning back and nodding before going to kiss his lips again. he eagerly kisses you back, one hand on your hips and the other tangled in your hair at the back of your head. as you kiss him you can feel him pulling you closer to him, your body already pressed against his, just trying to be as close to you as possible.

hands roaming his body, you can feel his hard chest under the soft material of his shirt. both of you smile as you make out, this moment long awaited for each of you. your hands go under his shirt, cold fingers making him shiver and dig his own fingers into your hips. you hum quietly as he moves to leave hickies on your neck and collarbone, his hands tugging lightly at your shorts.

he pushes you back from him gently, gazing up at you with a smirk. "stand up, baby," he speaks huskily. you obey him without second thought, standing in front of him and letting him pull your shorts down. his lower lip goes between his teeth as he eyes you, hands slowly coming up to slip under your top, removing that next.

only in your bra and underwear now, you go to your knees and start unbuttoning his black jeans. you look up at him through your lashes, smiling innocently as he watches you tug his pants off, hips lifting slightly to help you.

his head falls back and he tries to hold back a throaty moan, failing terribly, when you bring one of your hands to rub him over his boxers. in no time he's panting and fully hard under your hand, so you take his cock out of his boxers and give him a mischievous look before licking a long stripe from his base to his tip.

he lets out a loud moan as you wrap your lips around his head, sucking and swirling your tongue. "ah, shit..." he swears breathlessly. "get the fuck up here already," he growls, pulling you back up on to his lap and roughly attaching his lips to yours.

one hand tangled in your hair, the other travels up your thigh to your panties, thumb finding your clit immediately. you moan into his mouth as he rubs circles over the material, the friction from the lace only adding to the sensation.

two of his fingers go to push your underwear to the side, rubbing up and down your folds to feel how wet you already are. you almost have to pull back from the kiss when he pushes a finger inside you, but his hand at the back of your head keeps you in place, his tongue still in your mouth.

after pumping in and out of you for a moment he adds one more finger, this time letting you pull away to whine and put your head on his shoulder, chuckling as you do. "what, babygirl? what's the matter," he coos, his tone smug and proud under the fake concern.

"fuck jisung, please," you breathe.

"please what, sweetheart," he speaks monotonously, forcing you to look at him, one hand on your neck. he doesn't apply any pressure, but even just the feeling of his hand on your throat is almost enough to make you moan again.

"please fuck me already."

he grins up at you, taking his finger from inside you and lifting your hips to line his dick with your entrance. his nails dig into your skin as he pulls you down onto him, both of you moaning loudly as he fills you completely.

he gives you a second to adjust, your head buried in his neck, before slowly dragging your hips against his. panting, he lets his head rest on your shoulder, eyes closed and still holding onto your hips tightly.

you moan and whine as you feel him moving inside you, hitting all the right spots. he lifts his head to look at you, leaving a kiss on your jaw as he brings one hand to unclip your bra, shocking you that he can even do it with one hand. you don't time have to react though, jisung smashing his lips to yours and his hands moving over your body, stopping to massage your boobs as you ride him.

pleasure washes over your body, making it hard for you to keep up a decent pace. he smiles as you still try, eventually wrapping his arms around you and standing up, setting you down on the desk instead.

his lips touch yours as he starts thrusting into you, slowly building up his pace until you're clinging onto him tightly as he snaps his hips against your quickly, moaning into his shoulder.

"oh, fuck," he groans. "i can't believe you're letting me fuck you at school," his voice is breathy as he continues pounding into you quickly. "right here on the principals desk... what a little slut," he smirks, pulling you by the hair to force you to look at him.

you whine as his eyes burn into you, one thumb moving to rub at your clit. "only for me though, isn't that right, baby? you'll only be my little slut from now on, huh?" you nod and moan pathetically, eyes closing as he keeps a firm grip on your hair.

"keep your fucking eyes open," he mutters, his hand going from your hair to your neck. this time he tightens his fingers around your throat lightly, you forcing your eyes open as he does. he lets out a throaty moan when you clench around him, already feel your high approaching quickly.

"you're gonna cum already, aren't you?" he chuckles as you try to get out a 'yes', the hand on your heat goes to pull one of your legs around his waist, making you cry out loudly as he hits a new, deeper spot inside you.

he grunts while pounding into you, doubting he'll last much longer either as you keep tightening around his cock. his hand tightens even more, his lip between his teeth as he watches your face, your eyes struggling to stay open as the knot in your core builds and builds.

"ji, i-" you just barely manage to get out, cut off by your orgasm when you feel him hit your spot once more. he groans and curses as you cum around him, quickly pulling out and pumping himself a few times until he releases as well.

his cum lands on your thighs and the desk underneath you, both of you out of breath as he loosens his grip on your throat. you lick your lips and glance down at his white seed on the dark-colored wood. giggling lightly, your eyes going back to jisung to see him smiling affectionately down at you.

"here," he reaches for the box of tissues on the other side of the desk, taking a few and wiping your legs and the desk clean before throwing them away. next, he hands you your clothes off of the floor and gathers his own, pulling his jeans and shirt back on as you start getting dressed again too.

once you're both fully dressed again, he pulls you into his arms for a warm hug. he sighs happily hearing your soft laughter, slightly muffled by his shirt.

"please say i can tell everyone that you're my girlfriend now," he mumbles, cheek smushed against your hair. you take a step back, beaming at him as you nod slightly.

"please do."

his face lights up and he can feel his heart flutter, grinning happily down at you. one of his hands comes up to your cheek, caressing your facing gently as he leans down to leave a sweet kiss on your lips.

you feel as if you're glowing as your mouths move against each other, the only thing you're able to pay attention to is jisung. which is why you hardly notice as the door to the office swings open, chaeryeong knealing on the carpet and everyone else huddled together behind her.

"oh, shit!" you hear seungmin exclaim loudly, making you and han flinch apart, seeing them all standing there in shock. there's a long pause where you all just look at each other, no one knowing what to say.

"well, fuck," ryujin speaks up first. "finally!" everyone nods and mutters in agreement, you just rolling your eyes as the boy next to you laughs lightly, putting an arm around you and guiding you out of the office.

"k, guys, let's go," jisung chuckles, walking past your friends and down the hall towards the school exit.

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dean-winchesters-gardian-angel · 3 years

Text

The Same bed - Chapter 4

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Summary: Friends are there to help each other out, but can they help falling for each other when all the long days they spend together turn into late nights they have and their reliance on each other.

Word count: 2544

Warnings: Fluff, angst, description of blood and injuries, nightmares, slow burn.

A/N: Chapter 4! Off we go. Read it enjoy and I’ll see you on the other side. There’s also a tag list, so be sure to tell me if you want in, as well as a masterlist so be sure to check it out. As are the latests, Unbeta’d all mistakes are mine.

Series masterlist

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Dean didn't sleep that night, too busy cursing himself for hurting Y/N and simultaneously afraid he may have a nightmare. He had gotten up several times with the intention of going to her room and seeking forgiveness if she'd give it to him, though he wouldn't blame her if she refused. Instead, he'd pace around his room or make it as far as her door before heading to the bathroom to wash his face rather than knocking.

The next night Dean had been too exhausted to stay awake, now accustomed to getting around 8 hours he passed out some time just after 2 in the morning while everyone else slept soundly. Dean managed to get just over an hour of shut-eye before waking up to one of his worst nightmares. He jolted up with a scream though quickly cut himself off as to not wake anyone. Nevertheless, he was half a scream too late as Y/N sat up in her own bed wanting to go check on him but refused due to her own stubbornness.

Dean mumbled a 'son of bitch' before getting up and making his way to the kitchen to get started on some coffee. Dean was given about 2 hours to contemplate his idiocy towards Y/N before his brother found his way to the kitchen.

"Dean?"

"Huh? Hey, morning."

"Man, you look like trash."

"Oh, thanks you're not so bad yourself in the shorts." Sam looked to his running shorts before rolling his eyes.

"You always did give me a hard time for wanting to stay in shape."

"Hunting keeps you in shape, not some little jaunt you do every morning. Hey, speaking of, have you found any new cases seems like forever since we've killed a deserving asshat."

"I've been talking to Jody and Donna, they've got a lead on a vamp nest, said they're heading out in two days and we're more than welcome to tag along."

"So, tomorrow. What time."

"They wanted to hit it just after sundown. So, we would leave tomorrow morning if you're interested."

"Oh, I'm interested, give me some' to kill."

"Dean are you sure you're okay. You usually become self-destructive when you've got something going on, something you need to talk about."

"I'm fine, Sammy."

"I'd mention that Y/N isn't sleeping in your room anymore, but I think that'd just make you mad considering that's probably what's bothering you."

"So much for not mentioning it." Dean swallowed what was left in his coffee cup before washing it and setting it in the dry rack. He made his way back to his room hoping his brother would take the hint and leave for his run, which he did. Once he heard the bunker door shut Dean went back to the kitchen to have another cup of coffee. As he sat down the sound of footsteps padding down the hall alerting him that Y/N had awoken. Dean straightened his posture as she entered the kitchen making her way to the cabinet to fish out a mug without making eye contact.

"Morning Y/N."

"Oh my god! It speaks." She filled her mug before walking out having not looked him in the eyes once. Dean rested his chin in his palm kicking himself for having hurt her. After a deep sigh, he dragged his palm over his face closing his eyes momentarily allowing them some rest from the lights of the bunker. Dean strolled his way to Y/N's room and knocked on her door. He heard her sniffle some before the door swung open, Y/N standing in front of him, eyebrows raised clearly on her last nerve.

"I just wanted to let you know we've got a case tomorrow, with Jody and Donna, we've got to leave early-ish so, you know, you might want to pack today so you're not rushing. Anyway, just keeping you in the loop." Y/N looked at her best friend whose eyes were tired, red, and glossy, staring at the ground in front of him. She missed him, but she didn't know why he was angry at her.

"Thanks." She turned away from him intent on closing her door to block the view of the broken man she so deeply cared about and wanted to help, and he spoke.

"Y/N."

"Yeah?" Dean swallowed trying to think of what he wanted to say to her but came up with nothing. There wasn't anything specific he wanted to tell her in that moment he just wanted to be with her. In the same room sitting next to her, looking at her. He wanted to spend time with his best friend whom he had been missing lately but if there was one person more stubborn than Y/N it was Dean.

"Nothing...nothing." With a sad smile and a sigh, Dean walked to his own room with the aim of avoiding her, once again, all day.

Dean listens as Y/N played her music in her room and smiled when the Grease love song came though it wasn't given a chance to finish before Y/N skipped it. He could hear his brother and Y/N talking in the library during the day occasionally finding something funny as they giggled in unison. He missed having her, missed being the one laughing with her, or even just talking with her.

Nearing the end of the day, Dean made his way out of his room for the first time that to grab a snack before trying his hand at some forty winks, wanting to be rested up before their hunt tomorrow. The energy of the room sizzled to nothing as he entered the kitchen. Sammy and Y/N were sitting next to each other looking at pictures of haircuts on the internet.

"Seriously Sam, I've been cutting my own hair my whole life. Just let me add a little shape to it. A little trim here and there I can make you look like the handsome devil you really are."

"I'm not letting you cut my hair. I don't trust you not to just cut it all off. Besides, I don't—" Both their eyes looked up to Dean as he stood in the doorway observing their interaction. Once he noticed their gaze he moved to the counter, pulling a bowl from the cupboard and reaching for the box of cereal.

"Sam and I made pasta if you're hungry for real food." Dean looked over the noodles as his tummy growled, licking his lips.

"Dean, just have some, we're not gonna finish it. It'll just end up going to waste." He hesitantly looked over his shoulder forcing a smile to Y/N who had the smallest one of her on her face. She watched him as he traded his bowl for a plate. Dean plated himself some of the homemade food before Y/N gestured at the spot in front of herself and Sam along with the parmesan on the table. Dean took a seat not wanting to be impolite more so than he'd already been.

"Anyway, I'm trying to convince Sam to let me trim his hair."

"You're not touching my hair with a ten-foot pole."

"Oh, come on Sam it grows back. You'll see, it'll look really good and you won't even want to grow it back. Won't be in your eyes anymore, won't distract you during hunts, monsters won't be able to grab at it. You know I make a good case."

"Sure. But you're still not cutting my hair." Meanwhile, Dean was silently moaning at the flavours on his plate. Y/N watched as the eldest closed his eyes savouring the taste, before he spoke, displaying his voice to them for the first time since the early morning.

"This is kind of amazing. I don't think I've ever had spaghetti this amazing. What jar did you guys use?" Referring to the sauce that had his taste buds dancing on his tongue.

"Actually, Y/N made the sauce."

"My mum used to make these gigantic pots of spaghetti sauce and freeze it so we could have it whenever we want. I was missing it, so I made some from memory. It's not hers but I think it turned out alright. I know I missed something, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was." Dean looked up, his mouth full, to the women speaking, no longer focusing on him rather in her head desperately searching for the missing ingredient, as he swallowed.

"You made the sauce? From scratch?"

"Uh-huh. Yeah, I mean it's not really that hard just time consuming, you have to let it simmer for a little bit, but I think it's worth it. Once in a while at least."

"You mind if I have more?"

"Go right ahead. Sam and I both already had seconds." Dean finished what was left and helped himself to more before moving back to his spot at the table.

"Sam promised to make me the 'Winchester Surprise' one day? Said you used to make it for him." Sam looked to his brother who reminisced, thinking back to the worst meals he had prepared for his baby brother.

"It was terrible. Sam that's — to repay her for this. Seriously Y/N you won't want to eat anything we make for the rest of your life. It was god awful."

"As much as I believe you because I do, by the description, Sam gave me, oh boy, I'll still be the judge of that." Dean chuckled at her retort missing her effortless comebacks and modesty when it came to the things she was good at, though he found it frustrating when she didn't accept the compliment he'd give her. He wanted her to brag about how many Djinns she could kill in a week, or in this case how good the sauce was instead of saying it wasn't perfect, so he'd done it for her, telling his brother when she would do something 'awesome', as he'd put it, that made him feel proud to call himself her friend. The guilt he felt was sudden and overwhelming. Even after he'd gone days without speaking to her, after pushing her away so abruptly, she was still offering him dinner, the conversation, the casual smile, the eye contact. How he longed for her eye contact. She had always been able to communicate with him with her eyes. He craved her gaze, how her orbs would sparkle when she was happy or grow dark when hooded with anger. But the thing he loved the most about her eyes was the fact that when they looked into his, it was like nothing else mattered. He could see he had her attention, and he wouldn't want to look away.

"I'm—ehem— I'm heading to bed, didn't sleep well last night, gonna try to rest up before our hunt tomorrow." Dean looked to Y/N who had a saddened look on her face, clearly angry and confused as to why Dean wouldn't let her help him. When he noticed the look on her face, he realized his words and quickly made up an excuse for why he couldn't sleep hoping to ease Y/Ns mind indirectly.

"Maybe it was a full moon, could never sleep well during a full moon."

"Full moon was last week Dean." Y/N answered him with an unreadable expression along with it. He didn't respond in an effort to save what dignity he had left. He forced a smile in Y/Ns direction as he passed by, once he'd finished cleaning his dishes.

"You mind telling me what's going on between the two of you Y/N?"

"Honestly Sam I haven't got the slightest."

"I know you two were sharing a bed... was that like—"

"If you're suggesting that we were a thing then no. He slept better when there was someone in the room with him, so I was that someone. Then out of the blue, he got distant and said he didn't need me anymore so." She shrugged not sure how to further explain their recent exchanges. "I know he's not through with the nightmares though because I heard his screams last night. I didn't check on him 'cause I was angry at him saying they were done, and he didn't need me anymore, but it was petty. I wanted him to stew in his nightmare, remember how bad they were before I told him I'd stay. I just don't understand him, I didn't do anything to warrant his actions. I haven't bothered asking why he's mad at me and even if I did, he'd just ignore me some more so what's the point. He's being a child. He's acting like I killed his brother when really all I'm trying to do is cut his hair." Her joke succeeded in lightening the mood as Sam chuckled moving to the sink to clean off his plate.

"You're a good influence on him, you know?"

"Why's that."

"Well for starters, he washed his plate."

"Oh yeah, I yelled at him this one time for leaving a mess, which I'm pretty sure was actually mine from the night before, but he hasn't left dirty dishes since so I guess it all worked out." Sam outright laughed at that before excusing himself to prepare for bedtime.

By the time 8 o'clock rolled around the bunker was silent, everyone in their respective bedrooms reading or watching a little telly before getting some rest. Due to the lack of sleep the nights prior and the upcoming hunt, Dean closed his eyes tight willing the nightmares away as he gripped his sheets. It didn't take him long to doze off though and it didn't last long before he was startled awake by Y/Ns voice. "Dean! Wake up!" She looked terrified, holding Dean down by his shoulders. "You idiot. Get up."

"Y/N? Why? What's—" She dragged him out of bed to the bathroom.

"Look at your hand Dean." She could hear the anger in her voice frustrated with him for refusing her help. The help they both knew would work. Dean looked down at the palm she hadn't grasped as she marched him down the hall like a child in trouble. It was bleeding, trailing down his fingers, shards of dark glass still imbedded in the tender skin of his palm.

"How did—" It came out as a whisper, laced with sleep as he did his best to orientate himself. Y/N turned on the light in the bathroom before forcibly sitting him on the lid of the toilet.

"You must have grabbed the beer bottle on your nightstand in your sleep." Y/N had pulled out the first aid kit they had stored under the sink along with a pair of tweezers, kneeling in front of the older Winchester.

"Y/N you don't have to—"

"I swear Dean if you tell me you don't need my help one more time I swear," she looked up from his palm to glare at him, "I’m going to tie you down until you get past... what ever this is." She didn't break eye contact with him until he nodded, shamefully looking down at the injury he only now started to feel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 5 ~~ Out now!

Tag List: @akshi8278 @bargedog @just-someone-difficult @mila-dans @valhallavxlkyrie

Series Tags: @autobotgirl15-blog @classyunknownlover @laycblack @lovememisha @music-is-all-i-need @redbarn1995 @wellfuckmyexistence

#fanfic #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #spn #dean x reader #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean x you #SPNFamily #spnfanficpond #dean #Dean Winchester x female reader #dean fluff #fluff #spn fanfic series #dean winchester x you #the same bed series #dean winchester fluff

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recipeforselfdestruction13 · 2 years

Text

I posted 3,241 times in 2021

14 posts created (0%)

3227 posts reblogged (100%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 230.5 posts.

I added 1,023 tags in 2021

#0 - 123 posts

#cats - 371 posts

#videos - 212 posts

#me - 62 posts

#animals - 61 posts

#tumblr - 54 posts

#eat the rich - 44 posts

#nice - 35 posts

#figure skating - 32 posts

#fun facts - 29 posts

Longest Tag: 122 characters

#always had another clock for the timezone but i had to add the weather bc you use celcius and i was tired of converting 😭

My Top Posts in 2021

I miss being vulnerable. Even if someone needs to coax me out of my shell. That sweet release you get when you let your walls down. All tension gone. Allowing someone into your space.

1 notes • Posted 2021-06-26 06:44:01 GMT

I love James Hoffmann with all my heart. Thank you and good night

4 notes • Posted 2021-10-29 21:43:20 GMT

Can you believe some people exist without anxiety or depression? Damn

5 notes • Posted 2021-10-13 01:20:11 GMT

Squid game but with the 1% instead

5 notes • Posted 2021-10-10 02:37:14 GMT

8 songs, 8 people tag

=D Tagged by@bebop-ed (original post)

1. Favourite song at the moment? Tenderly - Chet Baker (x) - It's Chet Baker, I shouldn't have to explain why I love this. I'm Going Back - Rachael Yamagata (x) - I think the song is about a mother talking to her child, saying I wish we could go back to when things were simple & easier for you. At the same time, I can also see the singer, saying this to herself. Yearning for her childhood, a time when she was worry-free & was surrounded by love.

2. Song you associate your favourite ship with? Just Friends - Amy Winehouse (x) - An affair that they know should end but sometimes the pull is just that strong. Someone always ends up hurt in an affair, but unfortunately, I do find it a bit romantic. The secrecy. The extra effort to spend time with someone. The fact that, at the end of the day, they still love their partner & they don't want to hurt them. (Esther Perel - Why Happy Couples Cheat?)

3. Song that could be about you? Femme Fatale - The Velvet Underground (x) - A song about Edie Sedgewick, Andy Warhol's muse. No, I'm not saying I'm as pretty, or enticing as her. Personally, I think this is a sad song. Don't take it at face value. Why Try to Change Me Now - Fiona Apple (x) - Nothing to explain here. Take it at face value.

4. A song you think is overrated? Creep - Radiohead - great song but let's move away from it, yeah?

5. A song that reminds you of a good memory? Once Upon Another Time - Sara Bareilles (x) - July 2015, Standing on the terrace of the Whitney Museum. Staring at the city as the sun disappears. My pink chiffon dress dancing with the wind. I felt young & naive, exactly the way I should be at that age. Everything felt overwhelming all of a sudden. I'm finally tethered to the ground. I'm in NYC

6. The last song you listened to? Suspirium - Thom Yorke (x) - From the movie, Suspiria (2018) Beautiful movie, I find it very calming.

7. A song that makes you laugh? Sweet as Whole - Sara Bareilles (x) - Read the title quickly. A song that basically says, "I'm nice but sometimes people can be such an ***. Let me rant about it." Very uplifting, listen to it. F 10-D-A - Ben Folds (x) - Another amazing use of wordplay but you have to listen to the song to understand it. It's a minute long, give it a try. Bitch Went Nuts - Ben Folds (x) - The title might seem problematic to some. It's a fun song about a woman breaking up with him & reacting appropriately imo.

8. A song I want my mutuals to listen to? Not the Same - Ben Folds (x) - For a very long time I tried to figure out if this had a deeper meaning, something along the lines of, " You changed man what the hell?" or something like that. But no, it's even better than that: Ben was at a party & one of his friends took acid & proceeded to climb a tree. He stayed there all night & when he finally came down the next morning, he was a Born Again Christian & became a missionary. But the song sounds so good! Videotape - Radiohead (x) - I love bittersweet songs. When they're about to die, & see the videotape of their life (your life flashes before you die), they'll see this moment with that person. They're acknowledging their mortality & says "it's okay, I had today." All the songs I mentioned. Even Creep

Tagging:@dustcatching @ephe-merally @irregardlessly-tish@pfandghoul @usedtobehis @lazyezstudy @am4ruuu @andthemonstersaid @asstowns @ishyas @peanutbutterstuffedbagels @marullen @pepsi-tin-can @queenofcrabs @thelauraborealis @perchancetodreaam @leviskicker

Yes, I know it says 8 songs & 8 people but I want to tag all of you. Tag you're it

Adding @neil-gaiman for shits & giggles

7 notes • Posted 2021-07-26 23:51:43 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #2021

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dearaco · 3 years

Text

Hello! This is the first imagine I wrote so I don't know how it turned out but hope you like it! Also, english isn't my first language, and this is the first thing I ever wrote in english except the essays I wrote at school so I just wanted to say sorry for any mistakes. Requests are open by the way.

Summary: You were Draco's best friend and he fell in love with you.

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Slytherin!Reader

Warnings: Angst-y but a little bit of fluff at the end. Jealous!Draco

You were the one for Draco. He knew that, he knew that the moment he met you. You had everything he was looking for in a girl. You were beautiful, gorgeous, he'd say. You were smart. You were fun. He was so attracted to you that even if you weren't a pureblood, he wouldn't care at all.

You were the definition of perfection, but at the same time, you were his best friend.

Oh, how much he hated being your friend. There were so many filthy, shameless, sinful things he wanted to do with you, but he couldn't because the two of you were friends. Just friends.

And there he was, listening to you while you were bragging about all those boys who asked you out this week. He was disgusted. All he wanted to do was make a list of all of those names you were mentioning, and beat the shit out of them.

"I'm so jealous of you, Y/N!" Said Pansy Parkinson in a high pitched voice. She was eyeing Draco as she continued. "I wish someone had asked me out, too."

"Well, I'd be more than happy to take you out." Said Goyle, causing her to make a disgusted face. And then he burst out into laughter with Crabbe.

You giggled. "Don't worry Pansy, you can take whomever you want. I don't plan to go out with anybody."

"Can I take him?" She pointed to Draco.

"Well, obviously," you said. "I'd never want to go out with my best friend."

Pansy smirked and looked at Draco. "You heard her."

Draco rolled his eyes at her. "Maybe in your bloody dreams, Parkinson." Then he got up and left.

"What's wrong with him?" Yelled Pansy, she was pretty annoyed.

"I'll go talk to him." You said before getting up and leaving after him.

You spotted him in the dungeons. He was walking pretty fast, so you had to run to catch him.

"Hey!" You grabbed his arm when you finally reached him. You bent down a little to catch your breath before speaking. "What's wrong?"

"What do you think?" He snapped at you and took his arm out of your grip. He started to walk away again but you were really tired to follow him this time.

"Draco..." Your voice was shaking because of that little chase earlier. "Please. Talk to me."

That was all it took for him to stop in his tracks and turn towards you. He sighed, how could he ignore you when you said his name so smoothly?

You had finally rested enough to walk again. You approached him and took his hands into yours. You were looking so deeply into his eyes, it was as if you were searching for something in there. He felt his heart skipped a beat. He was so head over heels for you, little did you know.

"What's the matter with you, Draco?" You asked. The look in your eyes was so soft, it was almost like you were looking at a delicate baby.

"Nothing. I was just exhausted from yesterday's practice, Flint may be a little harsh sometimes, you know. And Pansy's just so annoying, that--"

"No." You said, without letting him finish his sentence. "I don't want to hear excuses anymore, Draco! You were acting completely odd lately and I want to know why! Don't tell me white lies 'cause I won't buy them! Just be honest with me!"

"Oh, yeah? You want to know why, huh? You want to know frickin' why!" He started calmly but right now he was screaming at you. "What exactly do you want to know? Why I was acting weird? Why my heart was racing like crazy everytime I see you? Or why i was getting angry when you were bragging about all the stupid boys who want to be with you?"

You were utterly shocked that you didn't even know what just happened. You thought that you heard him wrong at first, that you were daydreaming or something. But the look in his eyes was stating the fact that all the things you heard were true, that he really said those things to you.

"Draco, I..." You wanted to say something but nothing came out of your mouth.

He was surprised too. He didn't expect himself to spill all of it just like that. He was looking everywhere but you.

There was a big moment of silence. You were still holding his hands but you weren't aware of that. You were still trying to process what he said to you and he was trying to gain his confidence back.

"Look, Y/N," he finally spoke as he let go of your hands. He took a step back and gave you a little space. "There's no point of denying it now. I love you. I was loving you for the longest time, you wouldn't even believe. I didn't want to damage our beautiful friendship so I never said anything but I can't hold it inside anymore. It's too much."

He gave you a moment to process his words. You were gazing at the floor, scared to look him in the eyes. You didn't know what to say so he took the hint and continued.

"What you said to Pansy was the last straw. I already knew that I didn't stand a chance with you even if I didn't want to admit. But when you stated the obvious like that... I don't know, it just made me feel like shit. I'm so sorry if I was rude to you. And I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier, I didn't mean to."

You finally looked at him. The concerned look on his face made your heart clench. You wanted to say something, you wanted to say that he didn't have to be sorry for anything and it was okay but you just couldn't. Instead, you walked away from him.

He watched you as you became distant. He was feeling like he just ruined everything between you two, and it broke his heart into million pieces.

***

You got over the first shock that night. You completely avoived him the weekend after his confession by staying mostly at your dorm. You didn't tell anyone what happened between the two of you, even though Pansy had asked you about it probably a million times.

You couldn't deny the fact that how much you missed him though. All you wanted to do was to go sit beside him in the common room and give him a bunch of cuddles.

It was so confusing. You had absolutely no idea what to do, or even what to think. Losing your best friend was the last thing you wanted though, that was for sure but having him as a boyfriend? You weren't so sure about that because you never considered of getting yourself one before.

You were scared, to be honest. You witnessed your friends' relationships over the years and how they were devastated at the end. Going through a heartbreak wasn't on your to-do-list so you never actually dated anyone before. You knew you had outstanding looks. You loved the attention you were getting from boys at your age. You had received plenty of love letters and confessions over the years but none of them affected you.

So why you were affected by Draco's confession?

You groaned and buried your head into your pillow. You just wanted to get vanished at that very moment. All of these were so overwhelming to you.

"Okay, it's time for you to get up now. You were in that bed since the morning, you didn't even put some food in your mouth!" Your friend Alexie said, as she pulled your blanket off of you.

You whined out loud. "I don't want to. I'm clearly in a bad mood, can't you see?"

"Yes, I can see that. But I'm certainly not going to let you starve to die so you are coming with me to dinner right now. You must have enough amount of energy for all those classes we have tomorrow."

Just then you felt your stomach rumbling. You pouted as you were getting out of your bed. "Fine. Give me a minute to dress up and I'll come with you."

"Okay." She was about to leave when you called her name so she stopped and turn back to you. "Yeah?"

"Uhm," you hesitated for a second but then decided to ask. "Have you seen Draco lately?"

She shook her head. "No, I haven't. I think he stays at his dorm, just like you. He didn't even show up to the last quidditch practice, Flint was extremely upset."

Well, you weren't expecting that. The shock was visible on your face. "Oh god..."

"Yeah. Anyways, be quick. I'm starving." And she left.

You sat on your bed, still in shock. He would never skip quidditch practice, no matter what was happening. He must've been really hurt, you thought to yourself.

You were sitting at the Slytherin table, you were pretty hungry but you couldn't eat properly because you were still thinking about Draco. Had he been skipping his meals too? Looked like it since he wasn't leaving his dorm. Thinking of how hungry he must've been made you feel sad.

You suddenly got up after filling your plate with Draco's favorite foods, it made your friend Alexie look at you in confusion. "Where the hell are you going with all of those foods?"

"To Draco." You left without saying anything else.

You were getting strange looks from the other students because it wasn't usual for a student to take food out of the Great Hall.

You entered Slytherin common room after saying the password. There was nobody around, you quickly climbed the stairs and stopped in front of the Draco's dorm. You took a deep breath before knocking on his door, then you let yourself in, not waiting for him to answer.

"Leave me alone, Zabini. I told you I'm not hungry." He immediately said without looking at your direction.

"It's me."

He immediately turned his head when he heard your voice and got up to his feet. "What are you doing here?"

You lifted the tray in your hands up for him to see. "I brought you food. Thought you might be hungry."

"I'm actually starving, thank you." He approached to you and took the tray.

He sat down in his desk and began eating, you were still standing there, watching him as he ate. He looked back at you when he realized that you weren't planning to leave. "Do you want some?"

"I want to talk."

"Oh," he stopped eating, wiped his mouth and got up again. "About what?"

You frowned. "Are you kidding me?"

"Yes, I actually am." He chuckled. "Sorry. I was just trying to light up the mood. You look like you haven't laughed in ages."

"Were you serious when you said those things to me?" You asked without waiting any longer.

"I was dead serious." He answered in seconds. "I know that you don't have time to date anyone, and you don't want to, I'm so sorry. But I really, really love you. I didn't even know that I could feel so many things before I met you. Y/N, I really am in love with you."

"Okay," you whispered. His eyes widened. He couldn't believe his ears, did you just accept his confession?

You sighed and looked up at him. "I don't really know but I think I have some feelings for you. You were all I could think about these past days. Look at me, I brought you food because I didn't want you to suffer from hunger, just the thought of it made me worried sick. And I'm not even a good person, I wouldn't do that for anyone else. It has to mean something, right?"

He was the happiest person alive at that very moment. He was smiling really big, you've never seen him like that before. The sight warmed your heart. And you found yourself smiling just like him. Seeing him happy made you happy too.

He couldn't stop himself from pulling you into his arms and pressing his lips to yours. You didn't even flinch, you just wrapped your arms around his neck, reciprocating his kiss.

He rested his head on yours when he pulled back, still smiling. "I'm not dreaming, right?"

"No, you're completely awake." You pulled him down for another quick kiss. "But it really feels like a dream."

He hugged you tight. You could hearing his heart beating against his chest rapidly. You were geniunely happy for the first time in your life and you instantly knew, that he would never broke your heart.

#harry potter #draco malfoy #harry potter imagine #draco malfoy imagine #draco x y/n #slytherin #draco #malfoy #dracotok #draco fanfiction #draco x you

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more-fandon-than-friends · 3 years

Text

A/N:this is based on a song and it's sad, I hope you still like it though! I appreciate any comment / reblog!!

AU:Human AU

Pairing:Pining(one sided) prinxiety

TW:Major Past Character Death, Suicide mention/getting talked about, denial over death, mentions of college / school being hard, insecurities, angst/hurt no comfort, multiple mentions of Logan and Patton, one mention of Janus and one of Remus

Here a five emails Roman wrote, over five years. People change and realisations are hard.

Dear Virgil,

You are Sixteen now!!!! WOW!! SWEET SIXTEEN!!!

Happy Birthday, emo storm cloud!!!! I know we haven't talked much in a while, but Hey. What better time to reconnect than the day to celebrate you, right?

Logan has been trying soooooooo hard to get me to learn.. But like I don't need physics!

Like hello!? I'm an actor, a prince, an artist. No nerd. That's Logan.

Ugh. But now My mum starts to stress cause I need the good grade. But for what!? Argh. It's so annoying. All I want is to sing and play. Not do numbers stuff.

Well whatever, can't do much about that. And brave knights do what's best for the peasants even if they don't agree with it.

Oh! OH! Patton!! I have to tell you about Patton!

He started to learn how to bake! And he brings the goodies to school or Disney marathons! Like imagen Lion king and brownies! How great is that!? Ahhhh even LOGAN likes it.

Logan!!

Sure few things aren't perfect but puffball only started!

Well, I just wanted to chat a bit.

But just talked about me and the others! Well that's what I do I guess, talk about me.

How are you? I hope it's treating you well.

I have to go now. I will write you again

xx Roman

Dear Virgil,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Nearly an adult now! Congrats!

Have you heard!? I got the lead role in the play! Yes! I'm gonna play Evan! WAVING THROUGH A WINDOW

AHHHH I'M SO HAPPY. like you know how I always wanted the lead role! I finally got it. And Janus finally didn't get it! Like finally as if he is that good of an actor. I deserve it I worked for it! Patton said I worked for the audition more than all school work last year probably true lol

ALSO Logan is now doing the big quizes. He won the school one and now goes national. He is such a nerd!!! But honestly it's cool! He was missing a school day for a quiz like I want that too for plays!

Well Honestly that's all that happened. Sorry that's so short! But I don't have much time next to the play!

As Patton would say:Eat and drink like you would tell your kitty to and love yourself like it, bye bye

XxRoman

Dear Virgil,

Wow. 18 HAPPY BIRTHDAY! SUCH A GRANPA THERE.

I hope you are doing well.

Sorry I don't have a present for you. I know you like flowers, roses. I know. I know. Sorry Remus did some bullshit (what's new tho) and our parents froze both our bank accounts. Can't wait to be 18 Jeez.

WELL, I look for colleges now! Majoring in Acting. Patton want to do psychology and Logan physics. WELL I guess or majors aren't big surprises to you, are they?

I think a lot about you.

Just yesterday I found the city we drew at my room wall. My closet stood there for the longest time. But OMG do you rember us 5 year Olds doing that?! We felt like the biggest artist ever. That was fun. I miss that.

Well whatever!!

I will go adventure the world next year! Can't wait for it!

Miss you

xxRoman

Dear Virgil,

I nearly forgot to write you today, sorry!

College is so stressful! I couldn't just take acting, no, the other class I had to take was a language and that's so hard. But hey now I can speak a bit spanish

In all honestly college is draining. Maybe it's just the first year. But it's so overwhelming. You always told me that about school Guess now I can feel it.

And yeah that's fucking tiring. Oof. Let's hope it's gets better. Princes go to bad times and get out even stronger!

Right?

Well I hope so. Also sorry that all of them are so short. I SWEAR I always tell myself "today I'll write more" but then everything feels so wrong to write.

I don't know how to explain it.

Hope you are good

XX Roman

Dear Virgil,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Rember when I told you that writing so many things feel wrong?

Well I figured it out.

I was still in denial.

I didn't want to touch on anything that would make it to clear that you are gone.

It's silly, I know I know.

But acting as if I'm having a very one sided, yearly email exchange is better than realising facts. You are dead. For four years now.

And I, well I couldn't, didn't want to, see it. It's easier to ignore. Ignorance is bliss and all that.

And talking about anything in more detail would make it clear, you are gone. Crazy, right?

I still struggle with college by the way. I feel like I need to always be perfect, but learning a language is so hard, I just want to major in drama.

I also haven't seen Patton or Logan in the last few weeks. The curse of different colleges. I guess that makes it harder too. You know me, I love being with my friends.

I'm a bit scared that they forget me. They nearly never talk about you, so forgetting me isn't to far away, right?

Well.. Let's hope for the best.

I really miss you, Virge.

I don't know if you ever noticed, probably not, I had the biggest crush on you. How cliché, I know you don't like them, but I do. I planned in my head that picture percent future. I daydreamed about that quiet a lot. Then the call came. Your mother called us to come to the hospital. I did come, so did Logan and Patton, and she told us the doctors are trying to safe you. From yourself, basically. You couldn't do it anymore. And killed yourself. And my daydreams too. But even though you are dead. I know that. The day dreams for what futures we could have had don't leave. From celebrities to farms on the country side.

I know I told you that already, but I miss you. I love you. I'm sorry. I feel like I should have picked up something. I day-dream about being your knight in charming armor because I failed to do it in real life.

I wish I could have helped you.

I'm sorry.

I hope you are well.

I'll write you again next year, then I'm six years older than you were.

xxRoman

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batz · 4 years

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I'm sure you probs get swamped with asks but I was re-watching the part 3 vod and the scene where Bubby is stuck in his tube as Coomer angrily punches at the glass is some real good angst potential, like Coomer is fucking devastated that Bubby would betray their friend like that and I'm sure Bubby would feel some regret seeing Coomer mad at him (even tho we know what happened to Gordon wasn't what he wanted)

YESSS the best part is coomer punching the glass is like. like its a good mix of Anger bc that betrayal out EVERYONES lives at stake what the hell was he Thinking??? and also coomer trying desperately to get him Out of that Tube hes Not supposed to Be In There he Needs to get him Out like man hes Panicking AND hes pissed off AND he's worried. doesnt help hes already super overwhelmed from the whole 300 clones thing, feeling urself get shot to death 300 times in one can upset Anyone rlly fhdjdh

coomer WANTED to give bubby this long ass lecture about NOT fucking things up like that but when he sees him in the tube its like. hes relieved to see him again and devastated to see him in the tube (smthn he hasnt been in in YEARS) and also like. just so fuckn furious. so he just resorts to trying to get him Out of the tube. (i just love the mixture of anger and worry its my favorite thing 2 write abt)

ofc when bubby gets OUT of the tube and is part of the science team again, coomer basically goes back to acting like nothing happened. they cant waste their time with emotions right now, especially as they're trying to escape!!! but its pretty easy to tell hes still deeply upset, by how he kinda avoids bubby or responds to him with short answers, hes just Mad. hes Pissed. and bubby can Tell and he feels awkward as hell. yeah hes used to people being pissed at him but when its people you kinda sorta care about its.... Different. hes also guilty as all hell lol

the anger only stops when they first reach xen and bubby is Missing. like everyone just kind of assumes hes dead, but coomer is. He's Hopeful that hes still alive. not that it matters entirely because they're all Definitely going to die on this hellish alien planet, but the idea that his last moments with bubby involve him giving him the silent treatment kinda... coomer doesnt Show It, but it sorta really fucks him up. so when they DO finally find bubby, coomer is just. so fucking RELIEVED like yea the anger is still there but he pushes it to the side for now, if they make it out alive he can be mad THEN but for NOW hes just happy bubby is okay! :')

when they finally have some downtime on xen coomer just pulls him aside and bubby is certain hes gonna get another earful just a whole lecture abt how hes an asshole but. coomer just pulls him into a (surprisingly weak, just Very Tired n Sad) hug. bubby hugs back, a bit stronger, doing hs best to comfort coomer even if hes also Going Thru It. theyre both just rlly tired but theyre glad theyre ok. :')

#frank.txt #tommy is also kinda fucked up from the betrayal too like #like whrn coomer is giving bubby the silent treatment hes also kinda sticking by tommy. making sure hes ok n checking in everyone now n the #same w gordon like #coomer is kinda like . taking th caretaker role. he cares gordon n tommy ok!!!#coomer kinda feels. awful about the whole clone situation. he sees how gordon flinches now whenever he approaches him.#Kinda Stings.#so he does whatever he can to make up for That and also make sure they're doing okay ;u;#coomer dad momence

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albatris · 4 years

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Hey hello I sent in an anon about starting tarot a while ago (I do not know when I know it was post quarantine starting but...time is wild) and i was wondering if you answered it? This isn't at all me trying to pressure you please please don't read it that way, i totally get it if you didn't! I just know that tumblr's search function is very broke and I'm scared I missed your answer, which would be sad. (I hope this doesn't sound like a bother it's genuinely all good if not I'm just checking!)

YES oh my gosh holy shit hello hi yes hi anon my dear I did in fact completely fucking forget to actually answer your original ask I am so sorry lmao

thank you for reminding me ajhdfgjhsdfg and again I’m so sorry it took me forever anyway I’m gonna just uhhhh look up your original ask real quick

OKAY so resources and starting decks! there are lots and lots of people who know more than me so I feel a little unqualified to answer this but I can tell you my thoughts?? but I definitely recommend looking into what other folks have to say on starting out, I’m sure there are lots of different opinions and ideas! :D

also sorry, it’s me you’re asking, so you’re not gonna get nice neat dot points and I’m not great at being concise, I’m just going to ramble if that’s ok, very sorry, very sorry

under the cut rambles

so........................

for learning meanings........ it’s a lot of work, there’s a lot of detail and a lot of different things to think about during readings, I’ve been learning tarot for around seven years on and off and I still don’t remember everything!

so IMO it’s best not to come at tarot with the intent to Learn Everything before you start! it’s the perfect thing to learn as you go! my advice would be to just kinda throw yourself in. when you first get a deck, go through the cards and vibe with them some and look at their meanings, but mostly just kinda contemplate them, don’t try to memorise everything at once. start doing readings, look stuff up as you go............. I would recommend keeping a journal where you document your readings............ which will help you with memory and picking up on patterns and connections....... uhhhh

I really like using apps as a companion as well! they can be a super good resource even if you don’t want to use them FOR readings necessarily

I use Galaxy Tarot as a convenient way to look up meanings and summaries of the cards when I just need to kinda jog my memory (though the descriptions aren’t super detailed), and it has a function where you can either do a reading with the app or you can do a reading yourself and then plug the cards you’ve drawn into the app, and it can help you with pointing out recurring themes and symbols and connections between the cards, which can be handy when you’re first starting out and maybe feel a little overwhelmed by the Amount Of Information you’re trying to take in

uhhhh another one I’ve used in the past is Labyrinthos Tarot, which is an app to help you learn and memorise the cards and their meanings., from what I can remember there are sorta, games and exercises to help with it, I forget exactly how it works since it’s been a while since I used it! but maybe that’s a good one to check out too?

I feel like apps is something i should’ve mentioned at the end but anyway moving on to the rest of it

most decks will come with a guidebook of some sort! so you’ve got the traditional rider waite tarot deck (which is probably the default deck most people think of when they think of tarot), and there are plenty of resources online such as Biddy Tarot which can give you a fairly detailed rundown of the card meanings! these meanings can be applied to variations of the rider waite cards, but lots of decks are a little wild and a little funky and are off doing their own thing while still following the basic rider waite structure, and if you receive a guidebook with a deck, that’s definitely an invaluable resource!! ‘cause it’ll give you the artist’s kinda interpretation and their meanings, their own personal touch, even if you then look up the card in more detail online

ALSO tarot is just a whole fuckin tonne about intuition as well though! so as much as it can feel like something where you need to focus on all the details and try and keep them all rigid and by-the-book, you might do a reading and feel yourself drawn in a certain different direction or just get a “feeling”, so you should definitely be open and flexible and listen to what your gut tells you as far as meanings go! plus, you will develop your own relationship to the cards and maybe draw your own personal meanings and associations! that’s definitely not something to fight against and don’t worry about whether that means you’re doing it “wrong” - you should listen to those feelings, those r important!! :D

lastly I will say, it can be helpful to have someone who is more experienced with tarot around who you feel you can ask for advice from or get second opinions from if there’s something you’re confused about! or who can give you tips and tricks from firsthand experience. like, it doesn’t have to be something you learn alone, and having a teacher or companion can be really helpful in terms of bouncing ideas and getting new perspectives! I throw this out there because I always forget to say things like this, ‘cause I forget that other people Are Not Me and other people like being around people lmao rip

and as far as starting decks go........... it really depends so much on what you want and what’s important to you! some people will say start with the traditional rider waite tarot, and if you decide to do that, you will certainly have a lot of resources at your disposal! it’s a valid place to start for sure

but there’s also SO many different decks out there with all sorts of themes and art and personality, and IMO......... I’d kinda urge you in the direction of choosing something you’re personally interested in and engaged with! it can make connecting with a deck easier and can help you stay interested and engaged during learning! but that’s just me

when I got my first deck the lady in the store kinda just took me to the collection of decks and just asked me which ones I vibed with and which one kinda called out to me or one I was drawn to, then she let me take a look at some of them and she showed me how to handle them and use them!! this was my first experience, n I was told just to go with what Feels Good And Right

n there’s so much cool art out there! and many interesting themes! you might not know which one you’ll latch onto until you see it, so take some time to look around and see what speaks to you c:

for instance, certain themes like cats or flowers, certain art styles, maybe certain series you’re into (I have two welcome to night vale decks n the raven’s prophecy by maggie stiefvater), or queer friendly decks! I have the Numinous Tarot which I ADORE, which is a deck with gorgeous artwork and extremely queer, all gender neutral language and lots of diverse designs, etc

so it depends what you’re into! take some time to feel it out, my friend

I would also like to throw out a mention to oracle decks as well! I actually started with oracle decks long before I used any tarot decks c:

I am................... very tired. and blanking on the best way to explain the difference between oracle and tarot decks, but you can look into this if you’re interested! lots of people use both or use them in conjunction with each other and there’s benefits to both n so on and so forth........

but in terms of Starting Out, and getting comfy with doing readings? they can also be really helpful in this regard! I found since oracle decks can have any number of cards and are less “structured” than tarot decks in a way, it can be really helpful as a way to get comfortable with things if you find, just, the Amount Of Detail that is involved in tarot decks overwhelming!!

it was something that helped me get the ~feel~ of doing readings and sensing with the cards and vibin and such, n get some practice drawing connections between cards and deriving meanings from the stories the cards present! but in a way that’s not quite as...... overwhelming?? as traditional tarot decks?? I was SUPER intimidated by just how extensive tarot decks were when I first started and I thought I’d never figure out what I was doing HAHAHA

but again, it’s just practice, I think!

where tarot will follow the same 78 cards and structure and is very traditional and I guess “rigid” is not exactly the right word?? but yeah?? oracle decks are a lot more flexible in what they represent and a lot more loose in the structures they can take

I do love oracle decks because of how varied they are!! each one is its own little system and its own unique universe and it’s really quite lovely, even if you aren’t into Actually Doing Readings with them, y’know?

but then, I find tarot decks the same way, what will all the different art styles and different people’s interpretations and renditions of the same story, like, it’s really fascinating!!

this has just turned into me rambling about how cool they are now

point is, do a little research into what sorts of decks and themes you might like to buy, when you get a chance I thoroughly recommend visiting a store so you can speak to someone who has some experience with tarot decks, they can help guide you when it comes to picking one and giving you some tips!! remember that it’s about intuition and following your gut as much as it is about memory and precision, so you should pick a deck that Feels Right

and uhhhhhhhhhhh

just kinda throw yourself in!! that’s literally my best advice!! you’re never gonna memorise everything beforehand (I’ve been learning on and off for seven years and I still often have to consult guidebooks and webpages) but you WILL absolutely learn as you go

it might feel very clumsy starting out, but as with any craft, you will improve with practice and begin to feel more comfy and confident with it as you go!

I hope this helped out some!! maybe!! possibly!!!!! ok goodnight!!!

#Anonymous #important caveat is that ive kinda just #been vibin on my own for most of my learning so i feel like #maybe there will be things i do that are not necessarily the ''right'' way or the common way or i might be #a little inexperienced and all #but i think it's also very personal and you'll find a way of doing things that works for u #in other words I Have No Idea If I Sound Like A Complete Dumbass when i talk about tarot #HAHAHAHA #anyway ok i hope this maybe gave you........ something...........? to work with #again i am so sorry i dont know how to be concise honestly i could have probably explained this in like #3 paragraphs #i can only hope u were aware of my rambling tendencies before u sent this and knew what u were in for lmaoo

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creambunnie · 4 years

Text

♡ Love You More ♡

WayV Xiaojun X OC (Y/N)

angst fluff . ENJOYYYYY

a/n : it has been a long time since i've written such a long imagine. i hope you guys love it!

you wrapped your finger around your mug of hot chocolate and had a sip as your boyfriend!Xiaojun stared at you lovingly. you placed your mug down and looked at Xiaojun with a nervous look. Xiaojun grabbed your hands and squeezed them gently.

"do you think i will make it?". you asked your boyfriend anxiously.

the both of you just graduated from college. Xiaojun already had a stable job at a big tech company, while you, who graduated with a performing arts degree , were auditioning here and there for dramas and shows to land on your first tv debut. you auditioned for romance, action and even horror! you didn't really care about the genre,you just wanted to experience the real deal and improvise yourself till you become a well-groomed actress.

Xiaojun rubbed your hand with his thumb and nodded his head. "i believe an actress as talented as you could make it! if they don't cast you though, it's alright. it's not you, they are the ones who are at lost.". Xiaojun comforted. you scrunched your nose up at his cheesiness and squeezed his hands.

"are you sure you're not just being nice to your girlfriend?". you asked. Xiaojun laughed and shook his head. "of course not! i really mean it. you are very talented! remember when you acted like you were in pain just to get a kiss from me?" . Xiaojun comforted again but didn't forget to tease you . you pulled your hands away and slapped his hand playfully. "ahh why did you have to remind me!". you whined which made him laugh with adoration at your cuteness.

after the short cafe date, you and Xiaojun went to the audition venue by cab . Xiaojun was your moral support. he had always accompanied you to your auditions and comforted you when you were rejected. he would motivate you to do your best and be better each audition.

you were at the waiting room, anxiously waiting for your turn. Xiaojun was sititing beside you while holding your hand in his to give comfort . you on the other hand, tried rehearsing your lines for the last time. you became more nervous when the staff told that you would be going in in about 2 minutes.

"ahh babe i am so nervous!". you mumbled as you faced your cute boyfriend. Xiaojun gave you a small smile and carresed your hair lovingly. "i believe in you , sweetie. you are going to do your best! i promise to treat you to ice cream later after your turn alright?". Xiaojun pecked your lips one last time before you were called. He gave you a soft goodluck as you followed the staff.

you were given quite a good feedback from the judges and they told you they would contact you about the results soon. you went out of the hall to the waiting room earlier with a good feeling. you were about to run and hug your boyfriend but was greeted by his close friend instead.

"oh Hendery! are you here for the audition too? oh and did you see Xiaojun?". you bombarded him with questions.

Hendery chuckled and rubbed his nape. "actually Xiaojun was the one who asked me to come here and walk you home. His mother called him earlier because of something urgent. he really is regretful that he had to leave . ". Hendery tried his best to explain to you as politely as possible. your head dropped as you stared at the floor below you.

"oh.. i understand. family is definitely more important. no worries!". you exclaimed as you looked up to Hendery.

Hendery frowned when he saw your teary eyes. He hated seeing his friend sad so an idea popped into his mind. Hendery grabbed your wrist and pulled you along gently. "times like this call for food! i am starving and i bet you are too! let's go!". you giggled and let Hendery drag you.

Hendery brought you to a small restaurant which was a few stops away from the audition venue. "i always come here with my sister. i'm basically a regular and kind of the owner's favourite,so order anything you want alright. it's on me!". Hendery said and winked. you chuckled at his actions but ordered anyways.

you actually had fun hanging out with Hendery. he was a sweetheart , and a dork too. he would crack jokes randomly which brightened your day up. you always hang out with Xiaojun and his friends but never with any of them individually. it was a refreshing experience eating out with Hendery. after talking and eating, it was finally time for you to go home. Hendery walked you home like how he was asked in the first place. you thanked Hendery for the day and apologised for troubling him. Hendery only responded by shaking his head no and smiled widely. he wished you a goodnight sleep before walking away . you smiled back and went in your apartment.

you lived alone since college years. your parents' house were quite far but you do visit them regularly and they visit you too.

you plopped yourself down on your bed and check your phone. you gasped when you saw text messages from your boyfriend. you were having too much fun you didn't even look at your phone.

♡BaobeiJun♡

hey babe.. i am really sorry but i have to go first. i asked Hendery to accompany you back home. stay safe <3

♡BaobeiJun♡

did you meet Hendery? how was the audition? text me as soon as you see this alright ♡

♡BaobeiJun♡

babe, are you mad? i am really sorry, i am going to make it up to you!

♡BaobeiJun♡

please reply me ㅠㅠ are you home yet? nothing bad happened to you right?

- 10 missed calls from ♡BaobeiJun♡ -

you sighed as you saw the texts. of course you were still upset about earlier. but you didn't want to be the annoying girlfriend and tried your best to pretend that you were okay.

To : ♡BaobeiJun♡

sorry for the late replies babe. i didn't check my phone earlier. yeah i am home, Hendery sent me home like you requested. he also bought me food because we were both starving. i am not mad, don't worry :)

you threw your phone on your bed as you changed into your pyjamas. a few seconds later, you heard your phone chime, indicating that you just received a message.

♡BaobeiJun♡

that is great! i should treat Hendery some time too to thank him. i am glad you are back safe. i was so worried when you didn't reply back :((

you chuckled and rolled your eyes at his text.

To : ♡BaobeiJun♡

i am really sorry hahaha , so you wanna tell me why you had to leave earlier?

Xiaojun then explained to you that his mother called him earlier to ask for his help. Apparently , his childhood friend, named Weiwei, was on a business trip here and Xiaojun's mother asked him to welcome her at the airport. you also got to know that the girl was going to stay at Xiaojun's family's place for a few months because renting an apartment would be bothersome.

you were now feeling more upset actually. he left your side because of another girl? and worse, the girl is staying with him for a while? you were furious, yes. but you were more insecure. you trusted Xiaojun but you just couldn't help yourself from being jealous. i mean, which girlfriend wouldn't? you were tired as you read his explanation and decided to end the conversation with a goodnight.

you switched your phone off and wrapped your whole body with your warm blanket. you tried getting rid of all the bad thoughts and fell asleep in anxiety.

you were woken up by the front door bell . you groaned as you sat up and checked the time. 10am. you groaned again and cursed whoever it was who disturbed your sleep as you walked to the front door. you opened the door but was greeted by no one. you groaned again thinking that it was just a prank but was startled when Xiaojun's head suddenly popped up out of nowhere. he leaned down so your eyes were parallel. he chuckled at your shocked expression and gave a peck on your cheek before inviting himself in. "i texted you but the messages weren't delivered so i figured your phone was dead. i came to really make it up for yesterday". Xiaojun explained.

you finally snapped out from your shock and grinned. you felt like your anger towards him yesterday evaporated just like that. you hugged him and buried your face into his chest. "you don't even know how much i wanted to hug you like this yesterday after the audition. i was overwhelmed with my emotions and the only one who could calm me was you. but you weren't there.". you mumbled sadly. Xiaojun felt guilty and carressed your hair.

"i am really sorry. i promised to treat you ice cream right? jajan!!" . Xiaojun pulled away and showed you the tubs of ice cream he bought.

"i was thinking of a movie-cuddling kind of date today.". Xiaojun said cutely as he tapped his chin with his finger. you giggled and pinched his cheeks. "i am up for it! but can you let me go shower first?". Xiaojun nodded and placed the ice cream tubs on the dining table. "sure, i will just prepare the couch alright!".

after a nice shower,you joined Xiaojun who was sitting on the couch with his phone. he put his phone on the table as he saw you approaching him. but you saw that he was texting Weiwei earlier. you decided to just ignore your jealousy and took the ice cream tub Xiaojun handed to you. Xiaojun then pulled you closer so you snuggled into his chest and enjoyed the ice cream. the both of you watched a romance movie and imitated the cheesy lines. you would giggle everytime Xiaojun peck your head when there is a kiss scene.

"you know, i heard that the 2nd movie is released next week!". you said and took a spoonful of your strawberry cheesecake ice cream.

Xiaojun hummed and pecked your head again. "it's a date then!".

you turned to him with a wide smile. "really?". Xiaojun chuckled and nodded his head. you squealed and pecked his lips. "i can't wait ! it's been a long time since we've went to the cinema together.".

Xiaojun carressed your hair lovingly before putting down his finished ice cream tub. "how about i go and take some blankets so we could cuddle here?". Xiaojun suggested. you nodded excitedly as you stood up to give him space.

as Xiaojun went to your room, you saw his phone lighted up . you peeked and saw notifications from Weiwei. you rolled your eyes and turned his phone around so you wouldn't get distracted. you quickly finished your ice cream and cleaned up before lying down beside Xiaojun. Xiaojun wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you closer. you leanee your ear on his chest and sighed in relief as you relaxed ,listening to his heartbeat. "i love you sweetie and i want you to remember that forever.". Xiaojun whispered and pecked your forehead. "i love you too baobeijun,". you whispered back. the two of you cuddled in silence and soon fell asleep .

it has been a few days after the cuddle date. you haven't really see Xiaojun after that because he was kind of busy with work. you did texted and called each other but you missed him being with you physically. you sighed and just decided to focus on your work. yeah, you has a part time job at a small bookstore. you still had to make income anyways. so while you practised to be an aspiring actress, you still worked hard in earning your own allowance and not only depend on your parents or boyfriend.

you were keying in some things on the computer when the bell chimed, indicating a customer's entrance.

"welcome!". you greeted as you saw a cute girl entered. you were about to ask if she needed help when the door opened again, revealing your handsome boyfriend. you gasped and smiled widely.

"Baobe--". your words were cut off when the cute girl earlier linked arms with Xiaojun. you frowned deeper when Xiaojun didn't even bother to push her away. you quickly gave a small smile when Xiaojun walked towards you with the girl and waved at you cutely.

"babe, this is Weiwei! and Weiwei, this is my girlfriend, y/n !". Xiaojun introduced. you forced a smile and stretched your hand out for a handshake. but your tired arm was ignored as Weiwei hugged Xiaojun's arm and whined. "when we were little you said we were gonna be together!". Xiaojun only chuckled awkwardly and rubbed his nape. he smiled apologetically to you in which you just shook your head . "Xiaojunjun! let's go eat!". Weiwei saidly in her high-pitched voice which hurt your ears. Xiaojun nodded and looked at you, who was looking at the couple sadly.

"i'll see you soon, okay babe?". Xiaojun said softly as if you were the most fragile thing there. you smiled and nodded. before you could speak, Weiwei pulled and dragged Xiaojun out of the store.

you wanted to just cry out loud but you held yourself back. Xiaojun has been to busy with work and couldn't spend even an hour with you but here he was spending his free time with another girl. you knew she was just a friend and you trusted Xiaojun. you love Xiaojun. but it hurt you how he was being oblivious of your painful heart . you decided to push aside the thoughts and focused on work. you were grateful there weren't many customers on that day . you were not really in the mood to entertain others . half an hour before the store closed, the bell chimed indicating a new customer. you continued packing up books and your things while the customer looked for their desired books. you were packing your bag when the customer placed books on the counter. "hi , i would like to ask if the last volume of this comic is still available?". you quickly turned around at the familiar voice. the customer blinked and chuckled. "i didn't know it was your shift ,". Hendery stated. you gave a small smile and nodded. "yeah i was just covering for my co-worker. ". you said softly. you quickly looked at the comic he was purchasing and keyed in the code in the computer.

"the last volume is sold out . but the new stock is coming tomorrow! you could come by if you like and i could reserve one for you.". you explained.

Hendery grinned and nodded. "sure,i'll purchase these first and come back again tomorrow!". after settling his books, it was finally time for you to lock the bookstore and head home.

you switched off everything and quickly closed the store down. you gasped when Hendery suddenly stood in front of you. Hendery chuckled at your reaction . "i was thinking of dinner. together?". Hendery suggested. you chuckled and shook your head. "i'm actually kind of fu--". your lie was cut off when your stomach growled violently. the two of you stared at each other before laughing. "alright, how about hotpot and some beer? at the same place!". you suggested this time. Hendery smiled widely and nodded. "i'm paying this time so don't worry about what you want to eat alright!". you said again . you tried making yourself happy but your lifeless eyes could never lie Hendery. Hendery decided to just play along with you and waited for you to open up yourself. he hated seeing his friends hurt but he hated forcing people more.

you were on your second bottle of beer, you were not really drunk but drunk enough to cry outloud the feelings you've been hiding since afternoon.

"i know she is just a friend but why is she getting more attention then me? your girlfriend? am i just dumb for crying or are you dumb? why does Xiaojun have to be so kind towards other girls? this is unfair!". you whined and downed another shot .

Hendery kept quiet and let you let out all your feelings. he thought it was finally time for you to cry out everything and feel better .

"Hendery, is it really childish and petty of me to be jealous like this?". you turned to your friend and slurred your words. Hendery only sighed and tucked your hair back behind your ears to have a clearer sight of your red face. "no i understand. you shouldn't feel bad for feeling this way. i can't help you much but i am here for you when you need me.". Hendery comforted. you nodded at his response before falling asleep right after . Hendery quickly stretched his arm out before you could knock your head on the table. Hendery sighed as he combed your hair neatly with his fingers. he understood Xiaojun for taking care of his childhood friend but he was disappointed Xiaojun made you feel like this. Hendery decided to call Xiaojun to pick you up. He felt like it was only right for him as a friend to help his friends out.

A few minutes later,Hendery tried waking you up. you woke up with a groan and clutched your head. "are you sober enough to walk?". Hendery asked as he held your shoulder. you nodded and stood up slowly. Hendery helped you and walked out of the restaurant with you . the moment the two of you stepped out of the restaurant, Xiaojun ran towards you . "babe!". he exclaimed as he took you from Hendery. your head was still spinning but you figured Xiaojun's face. you turned to Hendery as he gave you a small smile. "rest well, alright?". Hendery said before excusing himself.

"why did you drink so much babe?" . Xiaojun asked as he piggybacked you. you leaned your head on his back and sighed. "i was sad. i was angry. i was tired.". you replied word by word. you felt the wind as Xiaojun walked on the empty street, bringing you home.

"do you want to tell me why?". Xiaojun asked softly. your heart broke. of course you were sad and angry because of him. but his sweet and innocent self just couldn't realise that. "i love you Jun... i hope you do too. please stay with me.". you breathed out, holding yourself back from crying. Xiaojun stopped in his tracks for a bit but continued walking right after . "of course i love you too. i am here always, by your side.".

you fell asleep on his comfortable back as you felt assured.

you wore Xiaojun's favourite baby blue blouse and styled your hair simply with some light make up. you were excited for your movie date. you were at the cinema , waiting for your boyfriend. he promised to be there half an hour before the movie starts. but coming to 10 minutes before showtime, he was still not there. you tried texting him but the messages were not delivered. maybe his phone battery died, you thought. you tapped your foot nervously as you scanned the place for your boyfriend.

4 mins

3mins

2mins

1mins

showtime.

you sighed and held your head down sadly. *did he forget about our date?* . you were about to exit the cinema when someone called your name. you turned and were greeted by Hendery. he really was like your guardian angel. there whenever you were sad.

"are you here alone? what movie are you watching?". Hendery asked. you smiled sadly and shook your head. "today was supposed to be our movie date but Xiaojun is not here. i tried contacting him but he didn't reply. i think i should just go back.". you explained.

Hendery frowned at his friend's actions. He really was disappointed in Xiaojun.

"how about we watch a movie together? hmm i was thinking, Dora The Explorer?". Hendery suggested, trying to cheer you up. you chuckled at his unique choice of movie and nodded. "that is a great idea! let's go!". you agreed and grabbed his wrist to buy the tickets.

during the movie, Hendery suddenly heard soft sniffings. He turned to look at you and sighed . you were wiping your tears that were flowing down your cheeks non-stop. it was obvious you were crying because of Xiaojun, the movie wasn't even a sad one. Hendery grabbed your hands and squeezed them to comfort you. he then pulled your head to lean on his shoulder. "it's okay sweetie, it's okay. i am always here to comfort you.". Hendery whispered as he carressed your hair. his sweet words calmed you throughout the movie. you were sorry to Hendery for always being stuck in your relationship, but you were also grateful to have him as a good friend.

after the movie, you went to the ladies to freshen up . Hendery waited for you and invited you to dinner. "how about we go to the usual? i kind of like the concept of having our hangout place.". you said as you walked out of the cinema with Hendery. Hendery chuckled but agreed to your suggestion anyway. dinner made your day. you decided to totally ignore your thoughts about Xiaojun and spend quality time with your now new bestfriend. you and Hendery shared a lot of things with each other , from cute childhood stories to epic highschool memories. you also found out that the both of you were big fans of Attack on Titans and Tokyo Ghoul. Hendery promised to lend you his AOT mangas as you promised to recommend him other great animes and mangas. the day eventually ended with Hendery walking you home. "thank you so much for today Hendery. i am very thankful to have you as my friend.". Hendery smiled at your words and patted your head. "i am always here if you are im need of a friend. the restaurant is always open for us to have more fun.". you thanked him again and bid him goodnight as you entered your apartment.

you plopped yourself on the couch and fished out your phone.

♡BaobeiJun♡

omg babe... i didn't realise that my phone was turned off >○<

♡BaobeiJun♡

i overlooked the date for our movie date .. i am really sorryyy

♡BaobeiJun♡

my mom asked me to bring Weiwei around the city. i agreed because i thought our date is tomorrow...

♡BaobeiJun♡

i am really sorry babe,, please reply my messages

♡BaobeiJun♡

babe? i understand that you are mad at me...

♡BaobeiJun♡

are you at least safe back home?

you threw your phone on the couch as you stood up. you decided to just ignore his texts. you were really mad. not just because he ditched you on the most awaited date, but he ditched you as he spent time with another girl. you knew Xiaojun was just being kind but is he really dense to not draw the line? you didn't want your relationship to be ruined by a girl who suddenly appeared in your life. you thought your relationship with Xiaojun was strong , but recent incidents made you doubtful. you washed up and went to bed straight away.

you woke up the next morning feeling a bit better after a goodnight sleep. you were having your light breakfast when you heard a knock from the front door. you groaned as you weren't expecting any guests.

you opened the door only to push it back close as you see his face. but before the door could close fully, Xiaojun held onto it with his leg. "babe please let me in.". he begged. you contemplated for a bit but opened the door anyways. you quickly walked away before he could hug you. Xiaojun followed you to the kitchen as he called out your name softly. Xiaojun wrapped his arms around your shoulders but you harshly pushed him away and faced him.

"Xiaojun. i am tired. please, i am tired of being mad with you and settle my feelings with a hug from you. this is not that simple, Jun. i love you , i really do. but the amount of times you've hurt me in these 2 months is more than the whole 2 years that we've spent together..". you confessed.

Xiaojun tried to pull you into a hug but you rejected. you wiped the tears that were flowing down your cheeks as you continued. "why do you think i was drunk the other night? you think i wanted to feel depressed like that? you think everything was back to normal when you came to pick me up?!". you didn't intend to raise your voice at him but your emotions were unstable.

Xiaojun was startled at your outburst. he looked at you with teary eyes. you sighed as you sat on the floor and pulled your legs before burying your face in between them. your sobs echoed through the silent kitchen. you felt Xiaojun moving closer. he squatted beside you and wrapped his arms around your body before pulling you into his warm chest. "i'm sorry , i'm sorry, sshhh i'm sorry, i love you babe, i really love you . i'm sorry i hurt you, i love you really. i am here now and i promise i won't leave you.". Xiaojun whispered in an attempt to comfort your broken heart. you finally gave in and cried out into his chest.

a few moments later, Xiaojun carried you into your bedroom. he lied down beside you and pulled you closer. you buried your face into the crook of his neck and sniffed in his scent. you relaxed in his arms as you calmed yourself down. "i missed you so much,". he mumbled as he pecked your head. the two of you lied down in silence, enjoying each other's presence and calm breathing. Xiaojun was about to fall asleep when his ringtone startled the both of you. you slowly pulled away from him to give hin space to sit up. Xiaojun rubbed his eyes cutely as he searched for his phone. you couldn't help but giggle at the cute sight and although you were still a bit mad, you didn't hold yourself back from giving him a quick peck on the lips. Xiaojun froze at your sudden action before slowly reaching for his phone. he was used to receiving kisses from you but he was suddenly shy after the fight , his ears turned red . you giggled at his reaction and nudged him to do something about his phone. "i--i'll take this call for a while okay?" he stuttered. you nodded before lying down back on your bed.

after the short call, Xiaojun turned to face you with a guilty expression. "babe.. i really want to spend time with you but this is urgent. Weiwei is having troubles with settling her project and i have to go help. i am really sorry babe.". Xiaojun explained and apologised.

you sighed, just when you thought it was back to normal, everything was about to be ruined again. "it's urgent right? let me walk you to the front door.". you said as you got off the bed. Xiaojun gulped as he sensed your sarcasm. he followed you out of the room like a puppy. "i'm really sorry babe.. how about i take you on a date on Saturday?". Xiaojun tried to persuade you. you gave a small smile and pushed him out off your apartment gently. "i can't. i have plans.". you replied and quickly closed your front door. you heard Xiaojun knocked for a few minutes, begging you to open the door but he then stopped when you ignored him . you figured he finally gave up and went to settle his urgent matters.

♡BaobeiJun♡

babe... what plans do you have that i can't spend time with you?

you rolled your eyes at his message and were tempted to just throw your phone on the ground. he had been ignoring your daily life activities because of his own but had the audacity to suddenly act caring when you finally gave him the cold shoulder. you ignored his message and decided to text Hendery .

To : Huang Guanheng

hey Hendery, i was thinking if you could accompany me this Saturday? i am finally casted for the drama i auditioned for recently and this Saturday is our first shooting. i am quite nervous to go alone...

you waited for a few seconds before Hendery replied.

-Huang Guanheng-

oh sure!! just tell me the time and place ,alright?

you smiled at his response and quickly informed him the details. you were glad he didn't ask about Xiaojun . he really was a friend with good sense.

the day finally came. you met up with Hendery early and decided to get some breakfast together. "you can do it , y/n . don't be too nervous or else you wouldn't be able to focus. here drink some hot tea, to calm you down.". you thanked him for his advice and comforting words. after the short breakfast, the both of you went to the shooting venue.

the site for the rehearsed scene was outdoor. the hot weather was not really helping with your nerves. you practised your lines as much as possible as the stylists prepared you before you were called to the site. you were only a side character but your character actually plays quite an important role in the drama. Hendery gave you a supporting pat as your turn came.

you did a good job with your lines but your co-actor kept on making mistakes. because of that the scene you were in had to be filmed for a few times. you tried to be consistent in the quality of your performance but the hot weather made you exhausted. you were sweating like mad that the stylists had to wipe them for you every few minutes.

the director finally gave a break time, asking your co-actor to calm his nerves and practise his line again. you were glad the director was nice enough to be patient with him . if you were the director, you would have screamed at him. you saw Hendery waving at you as you walked towards him . Hendery's smile turned into a frown as he saw your pale face. he quickly caught you as you stumbled. "are you okay?". he asked as he tried supporting you to stand up straight. "i am a bit dizzy," you managed to reply as you clutched your head. just as you spoke, your body felt weak and you fainted. Hendery's eyes widened as he wrapped his arm under your body and carried you. "ambulance! somebody call the ambulance!" .

Hendery : Dejun, your girlfriend just fainted . she is admitted to the hospital now.

Xiaojun : what? tell me the hospital address, i am on my way.

Hendery : alright, come here safely .

Hendery ended the call as he sat beside your bed. he carressed your head and sighed. a few minutes later, Xiaojun arrived . Hendery stood up and greeted his friend. Xiaojun gave Hendery a brotherly hug and went to you who were still sleeping. he held your cheek dearly and pecked your forehead. "what happened?". Xiaojun asked Hendery softly. "she was at the shooting site earlier--". Hendery's words were cut off by Xiaojun. "wa-wait, she was casted ?". Hendery frowned and nodded. "didn't she tell you?" . Xiaojun looked at you sadly and hesitated a nod. "kind of...". Hendery nodded before explaining further. "she fainted after her turn. the doctor said she was too stressful and dehydrated . that was why she fainted. but the doctor said to not worry, a rest and lots of water can make her feel better.". Xiaojun sat beside your bed and held your hand. "i see, thank you Guanheng.". Hendery nodded and stood beside Xiaojun. Xiaojun stayed by your side till night. Hendery stayed too. he was worried about both of his friends . "Dejun.. you've been here since afternoon. why not we go take some fresh air and have dinner ? y/n wouldn't want you to fall ill too.". Hendery patted his friend's shoulder. Xiaojun contemplated for a while but agreed to his friend's suggestion . he pecked your hand for the last time before leaving the hospital.

"which restaurant is still open at this hour?". Xiaojun asked as he checked the time. it was late night. Hendery grinned and patted his back. "i know the perfect place.".Hendery sat on his usual spot while Xiaojun sat on yours. the owner greeted them and passed the menus. "Guanheng! you didn't come with your girlfriend today?". Hendery blinked at her question as Xiaojun stared at Hendery. "you have a girlfriend?". Xiaojun asked. Hendery shook his head and tried to reply the owner. "no no auntie, she is not my gi--". his words were cut off when the owner exclaimed. " ah y/n ! she isn't here today.". Xiaojun's expression was unreadable. Hendery gulped and shook his head. "may we just look at the menu and order ,auntie?". the oblivious owner smiled and nodded before going back to the counter.

"this is just a misunderstanding Dejun.". Hendery started as he stared at the menu that he had memorised by heart. Xiaojun was silent for a bit but smiled . "i understand Guanheng. don't worry. why not we just order?i am starving!!". Hendery knew Xiaojun was just pretending to be okay. Xiaojun and you were really soulmates. hiding your real feelings. Hendery nodded and ordered some food.

the meal was silent and calm. both too occupied with their own thoughts. after the meal, Xiaojun paid for the food and thanked Hendery once again. "why not you go home and rest? i will be with y/n.". Xiaojun said in a matter of factly. not really as a suggestion. Hendery nodded and bid his friend goodnight before going back home.

Xiaojun stayed with for the whole night. you woke up to see your boyfriend sleeping, head on the edge of your bed. you carressed his soft brown locks gently as you stared at his calm sleeping face. Xiaojun's eyes opened slowly as he sat up. he grabbed your hand and pecked them before asking. "are you feeling better ?". you only nodded and squeezed his hand. "did Hendery call you?". Xiaojun hummed in response. his other hand balled into a fist as he heard his friend's name. "the doctor said you can discharge after you eat your breakfast. he said to drink lots of water and rest well.". your eyes widened when you realised you were at job when you fainted. you quickly searched for your phone to check for any messages. "missing Hendery already?". Xiaojun asked with gritted teeth. you looked up from your phone and frowned. "what?". Xiaojun smirked and scoffed. "nothing.". you turned back to your phone and read the text from one of the staffs.

-we hope you have a good rest. we are sorry for not considering your condition , we will update you about the next shootings. for now, we just want you to have a good rest- .

you sighed in relief as you finished reading the text. you thought you were going to be replaced by another actress. you placed your phone down and looked at Xiaojun who was staring at you. "have you eaten?". you asked. Xiaojun shook his head and rubbed his face with his hands. "i'll eat later after sending you home. i don't have the appetite to eat.". you frowned at his answer and placed your hand on his cheek as you carressed them gently. "please eat well. i don't want you to fall ill.". you said softly. Xiaojun gave a small smile and nodded.

in the cab on the way to your house, you leaned your head on Xiaojun's shoulder as he rubbed your interwined hands with his thumb. you jumped when you heard your phone ring.

*incoming call from Huang Guanheng*

you looked at Xiaojun as he nodded his head letting you answer the phone.

Hendery : are you home?

You : i'm on my way home in the cab. I am with Xiaojun.

Hendery : that is great . rest well okay? and y/n .. did you not tell him about the drama?

you kept silent at his question. Hendery called your names a few times .

You : i will alright. don't worry .

Hendery : he is your boyfriend,he should know.

you nodded your head as if he was in front of you.

You : okay okay, stop nagging, gosh.

Hendery chuckled at your response and advised you one last time before ending the call.

Xiaojun squeezed your hand right after you kept your phone. you leaned back onto his shoulder before calling his name out softly.

"babe,, i wanted to tell you but i was mad the other day. i actually got casted for the drama that i auditioned for the last time.". Xiaojun was quiet for a while. he carressed your hand and pecked your forehead. "congrats babe. see, i told you you would make it. you are talented.". he whispered. you smiled and pecked his cheek as you thanked him. you decided to just relax in silence as the cab took you back home.

you plopped on your couch as you arrived home. Xiaojun locked the front door and joined you on the couch. you switched on the TV and searched for fun shows to watch. "hey would you like some tea?". Xiaojun offered. you smiled and nodded . Xiaojun went to the kitchen to make some tea for the both of you. he thought this gave him some time to gather his courage for the words he was about to say . he hoped the tea would calm the both of you before the storm comes.

he placed both cups on the coffee table. your eyes were still stuck to the TV as you sipped on the hot tea. you turned to Xiaojun when he suddenly lowered down the volume of the TV. Xiaojun gave a small smile as he reached for your hands. he gave them a squeeze before starting his speech.

"y/n. we need to talk. i don't think this is going to work between us..". you frowned at his words and remembered what he said earlier. "is this because of Hendery? Xiaojun. i've been patient for almost three months now when you have to entertain Weiwei but just because of your jealousy towards Hendery , you want to break up? Hendery is just a friend! ". you asked , obviously disappointed with him . Xiaojun shook his head as he pulled his hands away from yours. "it's not just jealousy, okay?!". you were startled when he raised his voice. Xiaojun sighed and ruffled his hair roughly. "it's not jealousy...". his voice was back to his usual soft voice. "it's a realisation. i realised that Hendery can take care of you better than I can . he treats you better than me. you deserve a man better than me.". you frowned at his what you would say nonsensical excuses.

"no... i don't want to break up with you. i love you Xiaojun! don't you love me too? you promised me you are going to be by my side always.". you said as tears trickled down from your eyes. Xiaojun wiped his own tears as he looked into your eyes. "i do.. i love you. i love you so much therefore we can't be together. i love you so much i don't want to see you hurt . i love you so much i want you to know that you deserve better. i love you... but we are not meant to be with each other.".

your palms turned into fists as you hit his chest. "you stupid jerk! that doesn't make any sense! if you love me, stay with me! don't give up on me!". you shouted as you hit him. Xiaojun grabbed your wrists as he pulled you into a hug. "i love you. this is for your best.". he whispered and pecked your forehead for the last time . Xiaojun stood up and went out of your apartment, leaving you crying on the couch.

- Xiao Dejun -

Guanheng, please take care of y/n .

Hendery cursed under his breath as he read the message from his friend. "what did this idiot do this time." Hendery mumbled as he rushed to your apartment.

Hendery arrived at your house a few minutes after Xiaojun left. the door was unlocked. Hendery quickly went in only to be greeted by your sleeping figure on the couch. he locked the front door and went to you. Hendery sighed as he saw you tear-stained face. he wiped your dry tears and carried you to your room. "she was just healing and you decided to break her again.". Hendery mumbled as he placed you on your bed. you stirred in your sleep and woke up slowly. you saw Hendery standing beside your bed with a worried look. he sat on the edge of your bed and held your hands. "he is an idiot. i am going to talk to him later alright? he is going to make this wo--". his words were cut off as you shook your head. "no Hendery. he is not going to turn back anymore. i know him. this is what he wanted. he thinks this is the best choice.". you tried to say but broke down right after. Hendery sighed and pulled your head towards his chest. "i'm here. i'm here. it's okay , just cry it all out. maybe this is for the best afterall. you are precious y/n and i am here to protect you always.". Hendery comforted you.

"and the best actress award goes to , Y/N !!".

the crowd cheered as you stood up from your chair, surprised that you had won the award. you bowed to your seniors and juniors as you walked up to the stage. you received the plaque from the announcer and went to the front to give your winning speech.

"first of all i would like to thank my parents for always supporting me . i thank my fans too for loving my works! i will work harder and improve myself better and better. i would like to thank those who i have worked with. without them, i might not even have the chance to be an actress and moreover, win this award. not to forget , i would also like to thank this amazing person, my friend, Hendery. thank you for being by my side all these years especially these past 4 years. he is a really good producer so check out some of his musics alright? lastly, thank you once again!". you felt your legs tremble as you went back to your seat.

♡Huang Guanheng♡

good job sweetie! and thank you for mentioning me, i am happy i could be by your side.

you smiled as you read his text. you looked up to the stage when you heard the MC called a familiar name.

"before we end the show, we would like to invite this show's biggest sponsor, from the company DJX , Mr Xiaojun , to accept our appreciation gift.". you gulped when you saw the handsome man on the stage. his previous brown locks were now blonde. his smile was still the same like before. but his features were more defined as he matured throughout these years. you gave a small smile when he looked at you and quickly looked away . *you've moved on y/n. don't give in to him.* you thought to yourself.

you were standing at a corner with a glass of fruitpunch, waiting for your manager to bring you back. you didn't really enjoy after-event parties but attended anyways out of politeness. you were looking around when you saw Xiaojun walked towards you. you looked up and accidentally stared right into his brown orbs. Xiaojun looked away as his ears turn red. it's been 4 years but you were still as beautiful as ever. he missed you. you still made his heart skip a beat. you smiled as he stood in front of you. "it's been a while, Xiaojun.". the way his real name rolled off your tongue hurt him . he nodded and finally looked at you. "so you and Hendery are together now?". he asked. you chuckled and shook your head. "he is just a friend. a brother. i told you before, didn't i?". you replied with a small smile. Xiaojun looked down sadly but looked back up to you. "y/n. i'm really sorry...". you chuckled again and patted his shoulder. "let the past be past ,Xiaojun. i actually wanted to thank you for all the bittersweet memories. they really help me alot in my acting . experience is what makes it easier to stay in character.". your words hurt him. like how his words hurt you 4 years ago. before Xiaojun could say anything, you were called by your manager. "oh looks like i got to go. see you when i see you!". you waved at him before leaving the ballroom.

Xiaojun sighed as he stared at your back walking away from him. he would be lying if he said he didn't regret leaving you. his life has been nothing but miserable after breaking up with you. he focused on work to distract himself but his soul was empty. before he could leave the venue, he heard the DJ introducing a song. "before leaving, the actress y/n had requested this song. she hoped all of you enjoy it.".

Xiaojun decided to stay and listened to the song you love .

I’ll love you more

If you’re gonna do that, don’t come to me

If a person like me is gonna be erased anyway

Our love that was written down on a white piece of paper

Was clear just like my tears

Just stay by my side for one day

Because this awkward break-up still feels like a dream

Love me a little more, don’t push me away

I’ll try to hide it and let out a sigh in this empty time

When your tears that filled my heart dry up a little

I will engrave you in my eyes

And let you go

Words that sounded affectionate like a friend

Words I want to hear several times a day

Words saying you love me

It makes my breath stop and heart race

But only your voice sleeps in my memories

Just stay by my side for one day

Because this awkward break-up still feels like a dream

Love me a little more, don’t push me away

I’ll try to hide it and let out a sigh in this empty time

When your tears that filled my heart dry up a little

I will engrave you in my eyes

Until you come back

You silently stop in place

With eyes, telling me not to forgive you

I guess this really won’t work

Now all there’s left is this crappy break-up

I try to catch you but you get farther away and disappear

Love me a little more, don’t push me away

I’ll try to hide it and let out a sigh in this empty time

When your tears that filled my heart dry up a little

I will engrave you in my eyes

And let you go

{ NU'EST - Love You More }

Xiaojun wiped his tears that flowed down without him even noticing.

♡BaobeiJun♡

i know it's too late... but i love you . i have always been loving you . i should've have loved you more instead of leaving you. i love you .

i hope you guys enjoyed this~ my feelings were overwhelmed when i wrote this hahaha anyways, do like and comment ! i love to hear to your feedbacks ♡♡

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