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bitterbeanren · 9 months

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I spent days writing this self-indulgent basically a self-insert/self-ship (but I made it second person with the hopes that others could enjoy it) fic because holy shit am I down bad. Story under the cut.

Jing Yuan x AFAB nonbinary reader. Slow burn. I tried to not mention skin tone either, skin just heats up, warms, etc. because THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS TO ME WHEN I GET EMBARRASSED!!!! Reader has boobs but size aint exactly specified. I think they’re only mentioned like once. Also, like, literally fam I wrote this for me and with my experience as enby in mind, which is gunna be different from other people’s.

This is long. This is bad. This includes some of my favourite tropes. It’s for me, IT’S FOR ME!!! But I wanted to SHARE so yeah.

THERE MIGHT BE SPOILERS MAYBE SO READ AT YOUR OWN RISK I HAVE NOT GONE OVER THIS AT ALL I JUST WROTE AND WROTE AND WROTE—

Warnings: character deaths(?), loss of a parent figure, slightly possessive Jing Yuan, author being a bit feral, exactly three underscores being used for your name, and reader has hair on their head for plot reasons. JING YUAN IS TALLER THAN YOU(because he would easily be taller than me ;-;)!!!

Moments in Time

The first time Jing Yuan meets you is after he is taken in by Swordmaster Jingliu. It’s at his new mentor’s estate while he’s still getting used to living there instead of at home— you poke your head out from behind one of the courtyard veranda’s pillars with a grin. The two of you are around the same age, though you might be a bit younger.

Jing Yuan is practicing his strikes, 586, 587, 588… and you watch him with a spark of mischief in your eyes. “Hello!” You greet, he ignores you. 589, 590, 591–

You dart towards him and he stumbles back, keeping his sword in his hand but twirling it so you’re staring up at its flat edge. “Hey!” Jing Yuan snaps at you with a glare, “That’s dangerous, be more careful!”

“You weren’t going to hit me,” you state, poking the blade before returning your gaze to him, smiling. “You’re Jing Yuan, right? I’m Yingxing’s apprentice!”

Sheathing his sword, Jing Yuan quickly wracks his brain— Yingxing… Yingxing… ah, the furnace master of the Artisan Commission. Jingliu’s friend. He remembers the sandy-haired man and Imbibitor Lunae visiting for tea. “I didn’t realize that the furnace master had taken on an apprentice. Is he here as well?”

“Yes! He’s in a meeting with the swordmaster, so I decided to look for you.”

Jing Yuan frowns. “You… decided to look for me?”

“Yeah! Jingliu mentioned you were training, and I wanted to meet you!”

The white-haired boy places one of his hands on his hip, looking at you expectantly. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, apprentice swordsmith.”

“Oh, I guess I should have introduced myself better…” you let out a laugh. It’s cute. Then, you hold out your hand to him. “Nice to meet you, Jing Yuan. My name is ___.”

~*~

Whenever Yingxing comes to visit Jingliu, you come along to visit Jing Yuan. You remind the boy of a duckling— you follow behind Yingxing like one, eyes bright, and usually chattering cheerfully. It’s cute… you’re cute, Jing Yuan thinks. Especially when Yingxing ruffles your hair and you pout.

Jing Yuan starts ruffling your hair too, and you complain and scowl, but then you laugh and try to ruffle his unruly hair in response, and Jing Yuan compares you to a sun. Warm, cheerful… your smiles and laughter brightens any space you’re in.

“It’s people like that who we as Cloud Knights aspire to protect,” Jingliu tells him one day, the two of them watching as you animatedly tell Dan Feng a story while Yingxing looks at you and the Vidyadhara fondly. “They’re the ones who make what we’re doing worth it, Jing Yuan.”

The boy nods his head in agreement.

You’re the bright-eyed apprentice of the furnace master, and he’s the apprentice of the swordmaster. As your mentors are friends— along with the High Elder of the Vidyadhara— it makes sense that the two of you would become close as well. And Jing Yuan doesn’t mind.

Whenever you visit, he’s the first one you look for. Jing Yuan teaches you starchess, and you show him sketches of weapons you want to make. Some days you practice basic combat with him in the courtyard. Your mentors sometimes sit on the veranda and watch the two of you while chatting over tea, and once you’re both worn out from training you dart over to claim some snacks for yourselves.

The years pass and Jing Yuan is significantly taller than you now. It’s more difficult for you to ruffle his hair. So now, Jing Yuan mostly just pats the top of your head, only ruffling your hair when he feels particularly playful. Both of you are now in your early twenties: Jing Yuan is an apprentice Cloud Knight and you spend your days designing weapons and continuing your apprenticeship under Yingxing. On your days off, the two of you often sit together in the courtyard where you first met, relaxing under the pomegranate tree and enjoying the shade it provides. You lay on the ground, arms and legs splayed out, and let out a yawn.

“Tired, are you? I hope I’m not boring you, apprentice swordsmith,” Jing Yuan teases.

“Sorry,” you smile sheepishly. “Yingxing always scolds me when he catches me napping in the middle of the day, but I just feel so tired sometimes, you know?”

The white-haired apprentice Cloud Knight chuckles, shaking his head. “I’m sure that Master Yingxing is just concerned about you.”

“Yeah, I know. Ugh, it’s so embarrassing— I accidentally called him Dad the other day when he was scolding me,” you groan, covering your eyes with your arm. “He looked so taken aback, I didn’t know what to do.”

Jing Yuan lays down next to you, crossing his arms behind his head as a makeshift pillow. It’s comfortable. “Really? I assumed that the Furnace Master would be overjoyed to hear that from you. You’ve always acted like a kid around him, and he always struck me as the sort of man who would treat his apprentices like his own children.”

“I—“ you pause, removing your arm from your face. “I mean, you’re not wrong. It’s just… been a bit tough for me to face him lately. He has basically raised me since I became his apprentice over a decade ago, but… it’s a weird situation.”

“Ah…” Jing Yuan lets out a thoughtful hum. He knows you should just talk it out with Yingxing, but understands that it’s a tough thing for you to discuss. Unlike you, the furnace master is a short-lived species— you’ve obviously become attached, and though you’ve spent a good amount of your youth being trained by the man, you knew that he would be gone in the blink of an eye in comparison to you. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out, ___. You’re smart, after all.”

“I am smart, aren’t I?” You grin widely at the compliment, then look a bit sad. “I… won’t talk about it much more than this, Yuan, and we should talk about something else soon because I know thinking like this could get me in trouble, but… I wish Yingxing could be long-lived like us. I want him to be around for all my milestones, you know? It’s… selfish.”

“It’s not selfish for you to wish for,” Jing Yuan assures. “Sadly, it is not a wish that can be achieved.”

“I know, I know… let’s change topics now,” you sigh, then turn your head to smile at him. “You have an expedition coming up with Jingliu soon, right? Man, I can’t wait to hear all about it…! Do you think you’re gunna lose another sword?”

“That happened once, ___!”

The two of you banter back and forth for a bit before just enjoying the quiet and the artificial sunlight, and the next thing Jing Yuan knows he’s dozed off.

Later, when he wakes, you’re curled up against his side. Your head is laid on his arm, one of your legs is slung over his, your arm is loosely resting across his waist, and your chest—

Jing Yuan feels his face go hot. Your chest is pressed against his side and now it’s all he can think about. He’s a young man after all— and though you prefer to live as gender neutrally as possible, you have the body of a beautiful… person and it’s one that Jing Yuan is undoubtedly attracted to. Often it’s hard to remember due to your preference for unisex clothing and tops a bit too big for you, but you’ve matured.

“Aeons,” Jing Yuan curses under his breath. When he tries to carefully untangle himself from you, you whine, nuzzling against his arm in your sleep and the white-haired man knows he’s absolutely fucked.

With his other hand, the one attached to the arm you aren’t currently resting on, he runs it down his face, covering his mouth and willing his heart to slow down.

He shouldn’t be attracted to his best friend, but he is. You’re kind, funny, and dedicated— your smile is something that never fails to brighten his day. Everything about you, even your flaws, were things that Jing Yuan found endearing and cute and—

Oh. Oh no. He’s in love with you. You snicker a bit in your sleep as though you’re amused by his realization, then roll onto your back, allowing Jing Yuan to gently remove his arm from under your head.

You’re precious to him. You’ve been precious to him for years. For Aeons sake, he can’t figure out when the friendship shared between the two of you blossomed into something more for him.

Before the artificial sun sets, he shakes you awake with a lazy smile and lets you know that you wasted the day napping. You complain that if he was awake, he should have woken you up sooner.

Jing Yuan loves you, he realized it. But he isn’t going to tell you unless you realize it yourself. Instead, he teases you and thinks how he understands now why you’re wary of your attachment to Yingxing, even if his empathy comes from a different place.

After all, the idea of losing you in any way terrifies him.

~*~

You craft something that isn’t a weapon. A floral hair stick with a hair slide, both made of steel.

“And what is this for, Apprentice Swordsmith?” Jing Yuan asks you after you show him.

“It’s for Da—“ you cut yourself off, smiling sheepishly. Ah, you’re still doing that. Thinking of him as your father, but doing your best to use his name and title as if it’ll lessen your attachment. “For Master Yingxing. It’s a gift for his birthday tomorrow. I worked really hard on it— small things like this are much harder to make than weapons... I broke all my other attempts.” You look up into Jing Yuan’s golden eyes, your worries etched on your brow. “Do you think it’s good enough? Should I have crafted him a weapon instead?”

“He’ll love it,” Jing Yuan assures. At his words, you perk up, practically bouncing from foot to foot. “Am I to assume that Master Yingxing’s birthday is the reason why you invited both myself and Master Jingliu to his estate tomorrow night?”

“Yes! I also invited Baiheng and Dan Feng,” you tell your friend cheerfully. “Birthdays are important, after all.” The ‘for short-lived species’ goes unsaid.

“I’m impressed, though,” Jing Yuan picks up the hair stick and slide. “I never thought you of all people would make something so delicate.”

“Oh, shut up,” you laugh, snatching it back and placing it carefully into the box. “I wanted him to have something nice to put in his hair, but I couldn’t find one that I liked in the market… so I figured I could design one myself.”

“It’s well crafted.”

“I’m sure that Master Yingxing could make a better one. He’s so talented— I need to learn as much from him as I can. I mean, look at your guan dao. It’s a work of art— all of the weapons of the High Cloud Quintet are masterpieces.”

Jing Yuan has heard this before. “You should give yourself more credit, Apprentice Swordsmith. The weapons you make for the Cloud Knights—“

“Aren’t good enough,” you interrupt, shaking your head stubbornly. “Not yet.”

Though he doesn’t like it when you’re so hard on yourself, the determined glint in your eyes is more than enough to make his heart flutter. For years, Jing Yuan has allowed his feelings for you to grow, and now they simmer under the surface of every action, word, and thought towards you.

You tuck the box into your bag, then reach out and clasp Jing Yuan’s hand between yours, beaming up at him. Your smile is a sun and it’s all he can do to revolve around you. “I’ve gotta go and pick up supplies for the party tomorrow— see you then?”

“Of course,” Jing Yuan replies, grinning back down at you.

The next day, Jing Yuan arrives at the Yingxing estate with Jingliu, whose red eyes are cold but soften slightly when Yingxing waves at them from the courtyard. She’s close to them, but not with Jing Yuan. The spider lilies are in bloom in the garden, and the leaves of the courtyard’s maple tree almost match them. The aging man stands tall in his casual clothes as they approach, smiling brightly, his long, sandy hair blowing slightly in the breeze. “Jingliu! Jing Yuan! It’s good to see you both, are you well?”

“Yes,” Jingliu answers with a curt nod, a smile forming on her lips as she rests a hand on her hip. “Happy birthday, Yingxing. Have you enjoyed it thus far?”

“I have! Dan Feng arrived earlier and is currently helping ___ bring dinner into the sitting room. Baiheng is there, too,” Yingxing turns around, showing off hair accessories that Jing Yuan recognizes. “And look what my kid made me! Aren’t they beautiful?”

“Your kid?” Jingliu lets out a short laugh. “It’s… sweet how attached you are to your apprentice.”

“They called me dad, Liu. Let me be happy about it,” the furnace master chuckles. “We practically raise our apprentices, after all. And ___ will probably be my only one,” Yingxing adds. His expression changes slightly for a moment, sad, but then he grins and gestures towards the main house. “Let’s go join the others.”

“…Yeah,” Jing Yuan’s master nods. Her expression is more guarded, now, and she glances over her shoulder at Jing Yuan. “You better not be thinking of calling me Mom, Jing Yuan.”

Ah.

As Yingxing bursts into laughter, Jing Yuan understands. This is yet another difference between short-lived and long-lived species… and his master is trying to cheer her friend up. Jingliu is, at times, stubborn to a fault, but she quickly realized what she needed to do for her friend after unintentionally reminding him of his mortality.

Jing Yuan smiles, following after the woman he respects so much. “What, you won’t find it cute if I did?”

“Not at all. It would be much cuter coming from ___.”

“I’m hurt, Master.”

“I agree with Liu— ___ is far cuter than you in every way, Jing Yuan,” Yingxing teases. “But I’m sure you already knew that.”

“You’re correct,” Jing Yuan smiles. “___ is incredibly cute. I don’t think a cuter person exists.”

Yingxing shoots Jing Yuan a knowing look, and Jing Yuan grins back at him boyishly. Jingliu lets out a small sigh, and the three continue to walk towards the main house. “Are you ever going to tell them, Jing Yuan?”

“I’m waiting for them to realize it themself,” the white-haired knight replies. The three of them drop the conversation as they enter the building, seeing you balancing multiple plates while Baiheng and Dan Feng arrange the dishes on the table.

“Jing Yuan!” Your eyes lock onto his instantly, and a happy look spreads across your face. Then, you look at your mentor and his. “Welcome back, Dad! And hello, Jingliu!”

Jing Yuan smiles. You two must have finally talked it out.

“One would almost think that it’s your birthday today with how excited you are, little ___,” Jingliu comments, crossing her arms.

“I’m just really happy that everyone showed up to celebrate Dad’s birthday with him today!” You respond easily, and the sandy-haired man chuckles, ruffling your hair fondly.

Though you’re all adults, the other four members of the High Cloud Quintet sometimes treat you and Jing Yuan like you’re still kids at these events. The two of you sit together, pouring sweet wine for your elders and feeling happy. At the square table, only three sides are used. Baiheng sits next to Jingliu, Yingxing and Dan Feng sit together, and you sit at the corner between Dan Feng and Jing Yuan. You take pictures of everyone and pass food around and drink along with them, your smile never leaving your face even when it’s time to say goodnight.

Yingxing has an arm slung around your shoulders as you grin up at him in the courtyard with everyone under the maple tree. “Dad, Dad! Did you have a good birthday?” You ask the older man, who ruffles your hair with his other hand.

“Of course I did. I can’t wait for next year.”

Dan Feng watches the two of you with a fond expression, and Jing Yuan feels his heart clench as he realizes that the corners of Yingxing’s eyes didn’t used to crinkle like that when he smiled.

Every year, Yingxing looks a bit older than the rest of his friends.

~*~

Time takes away from you, again and again.

Dan Feng is going to be forced to reincarnate and lose all his memories. None of you are allowed to see him. Once his new incarnation comes of age, he’ll be banished. At the same time, Yingxing is being kept under close watch by you and the remaining members of the High Cloud Quintet.

You’re mad at both of them, but you still feel grateful. Your wish came true, but it’s at the cost of someone else that you cherish. You’re heartbroken, but Yingxing is your dad. He’s the one who taught you how to use the forge, the one who encouraged you, the one who would help bandage your burns, cuts, or scrapes.

For the next century you enjoy your borrowed time. He teaches you more and more and more. Then the mara strikes him— his sandy hair turns black. His eyes change, and he doesn’t recognize you anymore.

“…Dad?”

He doesn’t smile at you. Doesn’t call you his kid, something that always made you happy even though you weren’t a kid anymore. His arms are bound behind his back and he stares at you with empty eyes, now blood red.

“He’s gone, ___,” Jingliu tells you. She looks tired. “…To be struck with mara is to be a long-lived species. It just… happened sooner than we expected after what happened.”

It hurts more, this way. Before, you knew he would be gone before you, but after what Dan Feng and Yingxing had done you let yourself believe that maybe you would still have one of them around for a long time.

It hurts more, this way. Now Dan Feng is gone, and though physically Yingxing is here, he isn’t.

You’re led away by the Cloud Knights after you say your one-sided goodbyes. Time keeps on taking from you.

Jing Yuan comes to visit you. The spider lilies in the garden are blooming again, but now you sit under the maple tree alone, feeling empty. The Cloud Knight Lieutenant says your name, and you look up at him with tears in your eyes.

“…A momento,” Jing Yuan says softly, kneeling down in front of you and taking your hand in his. In it, he places a familiar hair slide and stick. “I’m so sorry, ___.”

Your lip quivers, and you throw your arms around your friend’s neck with a sob.

~*~

You are asked to take on an apprentice after Baiheng passes away, but you don’t take one on. Then, after Jingliu is struck with mara and Jing Yuan goes to confront her, you are offered the position of furnace master. You refuse.

You continue to live in and care for your adopted father’s estate, though you opt to live in the east wing rather than take the main house. Whenever Jing Yuan needs his weapons maintained or repaired, you are the one he goes to. He's an arbiter general now, and you’re proud of him. But now it’s more rare to see him, and now that there are guards stationed at his estate you don’t feel comfortable visiting him. Today, he’s visiting you, and you’ve set up tea in the courtyard under the maple tree.

“I heard you were offered the position of furnace master,” Jing Yuan mentions. You wince under his stare. “Care to explain your refusal?”

“I don’t want to deal with all the politics that you need to deal with now that you’re in a position of power,” you shrug. The man pouts. “Plus, I enjoy what I’m doing now. The forge here is all I need— I don’t need more.”

It’s true. The forge and workshop that Dad had created in the west wing has everything you need to do your work, alone, without strangers peering over your shoulder and commenting on what you should do. What you should make.

“I’ve also heard whispers that you’ve been refusing weapon commissions.”

With a sigh, you put down your teacup. “What is this, an interrogation?”

“Just curiosity. What have you been crafting instead?”

“Tools, armor, and other such things,” you lean your head against your hand. You’re tired of war. Of battle. You’re tired of losing the people you care about. “Your weapons are the only ones I’ll work with now.”

“Oh? I’m the exception then?” Jing Yuan gazes at you curiously, and you smile at him.

“Yes, you’re the exception,” you tell him genuinely. “See, I like making armor and tools more now. I don’t like fighting— I know that it’s necessary sometimes, but I want to help people create. I want to protect them in my own way… I know you’ll use your weapons to protect, so now the only weapons I create will be for you.”

Jing Yuan’s expression softens and he reaches out to place his hand on yours. “You want peace?”

“I do.”

“Then that is what I will aim for as well.”

~*~

Jing Yuan visits as you’re tending to the garden.

“Look, ___! A grimalkin! I’ve named it Mimi.”

You stare at the white fuzzball in your best friend’s arms, and can’t help but reach out to pet the little thing. “A grimalkin? It’s so cute! But aren’t you too busy to take care of a pet?”

Jing Yuan’s eyes hold a spark of mischief. “I’ve decided that Qingzu is going to be responsible for it while I’m busy with my duties.”

Your heart sinks for the Vidyadhara. “Yuan… it isn’t very nice of you to purchase a pet, then have your subordinate be the one to care for it.”

The man had the gall to look offended. “I will care for it. I already feel incredibly fond of Mimi, after all.”

Arms crossed, you give Jing Yuan an unimpressed look. “You know that isn’t what I meant, General.”

“Please, my dear friend, you know I prefer it when you call me by name.”

“Which I would be more than happy to use… were you not using your position to sic your responsibilities on others.”

“You wound me, ___.”

You let out a long-suffering sigh, then bury your hands in Mimi’s fur. “Your owner is awfully irresponsible, isn’t he Mimi? I would like to apologize on his behalf.”

The little grimalkin stares at you with big blue eyes. You feel your heart melt at the sight, and you lean forwards to press a kiss to the top of the pet’s head.

Jing Yuan watches you interact with Mimi and decides that the sight of you and the white-furred grimalkin together was worth every cent he paid to that merchant.

“If you’d like, please feel free to visit Mimi at the Seat of Divine Foresight,” Jing Yuan offers. Since he had taken up the position of Arbiter General, you hadn’t visited him at his home or workplace. If he wants to see you, which he always does, he has to visit your estate or chance to see you at the markets. “Or at my estate, should we not be there.”

You let out a small laugh. “And what reason would a lowly artisan have to even enter the Seat of Divine Foresight, General? I don’t think it would make sense for me to visit your workplace. Especially if I say it’s to play with your pet.”

“The guards at both my estate and the Seat of Divine Foresight know that if you ever come by, you’re to be allowed in regardless of reason, even if I am not there,” Jing Yuan tells you firmly. “And you aren’t a lowly artisan. You’re the only swordsmith who I will allow to handle my weapons as well as my dearest friend.”

You’re surprised by his words. Ever since Jing Yuan had become Arbiter General, you felt like you couldn’t visit him. To learn that the man had given his guards specific instructions to let you in was enough to make your cheeks warm in embarrassment.

“Yuan, you really didn’t need to go to all that trouble!”

Jing Yuan grins down at you. “I’d love for you to visit me personally, but if Mimi is the one you come to see, I completely understand.

“Yuan!”

~*~

After Jing Yuan introduces you to Mimi, you try to visit the adorable creature every few weeks when you have time. This continues up until early November, when you leave to spend a couple of months on another Alliance ship to deliver some non-Luofu commissions. When you return in mid-January, it is clear that Mimi is not a grimalkin. Mimi is, in fact, a lion. You have never felt worse for Qingzu. The Vidyadhara looks frazzled when you drop by the Seat of Divine Foresight to play with the not-grimalkin upon your return.

As soon as Mimi sees you, they rise from where they were laying down and pad over to you, brushing their head against you. You look around in alarm, burying your hands in familiar white fur, and soon spot an exhausted looking Qingzu approaching.

“Ah, ___,” Qingzu greets you with a bow. “It has been awhile. Are you here to play with Wave-Treading Snow Lion?”

“…Jing Yuan shouldn’t be allowed to name anything. When and why did he change their name?”

“A couple of days ago,” Qingzu smiles at you but her eyes look empty. “He decided that Mimi didn’t fit as a name anymore.”

“They were raised with the name Mimi. We shouldn’t confuse the poor thing,” you sigh, running a hand through your hair. “And I’m assuming he’s been making you the primary caretaker of a lion you didn’t ask for?” A nod. “I’m so sorry, Qingzu. Thank you so much— Mimi’s still so sweet and behaved thanks to your care… I’ll talk to the general about this, though. Is he here?”

The exhausted Vidyadhara gives you a thankful look. “Yes, he’s in his office.”

“I’m going to kill him. Ignore the screams.”

“Of course, ___.”

You move through the Seat of Divine Foresight with a mission. Mimi makes a sound akin to disappointment, padding after you. Despite you being away the last few months, it still isn’t unusual for you to visit. You get along well with most of the staff, even. Plus, you’re the only one that seems to be able to talk sense into the general. Some jokingly say that you’re the only one who can tame the man, which always earns an eye roll from you. You don’t even knock before you enter Jing Yuan’s office, and the white-haired general blinks at you sleepily, a lazy smile gracing his lips. You could throttle him, you’re sure of it.

“Ah, ___! You’ve returned. How was your trip?” Jing Yuan asks, and after Mimi has entered the office, you shut the door, storm up to Jing Yuan and place your hands down on his desk, leaning over it to glare at the man. “Ooh… you don’t look happy. What have I done this time?”

“Stop siccing your pet on others!” you snap. Mimi senses your fury and opts to head towards a large pet bed in the corner of Jing Yuan’s office. “And for goodness sake, Mimi is a perfectly fine name. Don’t go changing it on them!”

“But Qingzu does such a good job of feeding and watering Wave-Treading–” Your glare darkens, “Apologies, Mimi. And Qingzu hasn’t complained–”

“You are taking advantage of your position as arbiter general, Jing Yuan. How is she going to complain to you, her superior, about how her superior is taking advantage of his position to make her take care of his pet?! If the next time I visit, Qingzu looks as tired as they do today, I’m going to personally drag you to her by your ear and make you apologize.”

Jing Yuan begins grinning cheekily, as though the idea amuses him. “Well, that doesn’t sound so bad…”

“Oh, really?” you reply dryly, moving around the desk and reaching for Jing Yuan’s ear. The man dodges, easily catching your wrist in his hand and tugging you towards him. “I thought you said it didn’t sound so bad.”

“Mmm… But this isn’t the next time you’ve visited. You haven’t yet given me an opportunity to rectify my previous actions,” Jing Yuan pouts. You roll your eyes, moving to sit on the man’s desk. “Though, I don’t particularly mind the idea of your manhandling me.”

Your face heats up. “Don’t talk like that, Yuan!”

He seems to relish in your embarrassment, standing from his desk and leaning in close to you with a spark of mischief in his eyes. “Talk like what, ___?”

“You know what I mean, General,” you grumble, pushing his shoulder. You’re not unused to being physically close to the man— you grew up together, after all. But this feels… different than usual.

“I missed you while you were away,” Jing Yuan tells you genuinely. “Mimi missed you as well. It was incredibly cute how they followed you in here.”

“Don’t change the subject. You were the one that accidentally adopted a pet lion so—“

He leans in again. “Did you not miss me?”

You feel your heart speed up. “Why are you being so… clingy, Jing Yuan? This isn’t the first time we’ve been apart.”

“Normally you don’t leave the Luofu,” Jing Yuan sighs, resting his head on your shoulder and loosely wrapping his arms around you in a hug.

Your ears feel hot and you have no idea why. This wasn’t the first time Jing Yuan hugged you like this. Why did it feel different now? His unruly hair tickles your cheek, and you hesitantly hug him back. “You’re not going to avoid this conversation forever, you know.”

Jing Yuan hums, nuzzling you, then releases you from his hold with a relaxed expression. “Should I get Qingzu to bring tea—“

“No! I’ll make it myself,” you huff, hopping off the desk and heading towards the door. “I’ll be back in a few moments, and then we’re having a long talk about how you should be treating the ones who work under you.”

“So long as I also get to hear about your trip, then that sounds fine to me.”

~*~

Some of Jing Yuan’s employees had invited you out. They said it was to thank you for helping them deal with the General.

Since your return to the Luofu, the dozing general had stopped giving his subordinates Mimi-related tasks and was handling them himself (although Qingzu was given a raise to continue handling Mimi’s food and water when Jing Yuan was tending to business away from the Seat of Divine Foresight). You personally assisted Jing Yuan with the budget and planning of Mimi’s meals— Mimi did not need fancy cuts of meat and also did not get nearly as much exercise as a wild lion. Therefore, Mimi’s diet was adjusted to suit its lifestyle. Which was, thankfully, much more affordable for the man.

Jing Yuan’s sudden change in behavior in regards to his pet coinciding with your timely return had essentially made you a living legend to all who worked at the Seat of Divine Foresight. So, not seeing a reason to refuse, you joined them for food and drinks at a nearby establishment.

A few hours have passed since you joined them… and you have had far too much to drink. It wasn’t entirely your fault, though. Everyone was offering you drinks and you had trouble telling them no. When you stand to use the restroom, things feel a bit wobbly, and the edges of your vision blur a bit.

Qingzu steadies you. She looks a bit worried. “Are you alright?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” you laugh. “Just had a bit too much to drink. Be right back.”

After your restroom visit, as you head back to your table where the others are, Jing Yuan enters the eatery. His hair is down, he’s dressed in gray pants and a dark red linen shirt, and the moment he sees you he smiles.

“Yuan!” You greet him cheerfully, taking his hands in yours and smiling up at him. “I didn’t realize you were coming!”

The general notes how you seem a bit off balance, how your eyes can’t seem to focus, and how unguarded your smile is. Ah. You’re drunk. “Qingzu mentioned it to me, so once I was finished with Mimi I came over.”

“Everyone’s been buying me drinks and stuff,” you tell him with a grin. “How much trouble did you put them through while I was away?”

Jing Yuan gazes down at you, feigning innocence. “Oh, I don’t think it was that much.”

“The amount of glasses I’ve been handed tells me otherwise.”

“They could be handing you drinks because of how cute you are,” Jing Yuan offers. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you like this. Perhaps I should thank everyone.”

“You look smaller without your armor.”

Jing Yuan nearly trips over his own feet, and the look of genuine surprise on his face at your unexpected comment causes you to laugh. “I… didn’t expect that.”

“I mean, you’re not a small person by any means, but it’s been awhile since I’ve seen you outside of your armor. I like it, you look cute,” you begin to ramble. “You’re always cute, though. Except you always seem tired now, so I feel bad wanting to spend time with you since I know you should rest. And you need to get your bangs trimmed, because it’s hard to see both your eyes. They’re very pretty, you know.”

Your best friend begins to laugh, placing his hands on your shoulders and moving to stand in front of you. He looks down at you with an amused, happy grin on his face. “My dear, if you keep talking like that, people are going to get the wrong idea. Come now, let’s return to the others and let them know we’re leaving… I am suddenly feeling awfully tired, and would rather spend my off-time with you privately.”

“But you just arrived! Shouldn’t you have a drink with everyone too?”

Jing Yuan leans down, his voice low. “Oh, I don’t think it would be wise for me to be drinking tonight.”

A shiver runs down your spine, and you agree with a hint of uncertainty. Jing Yuan keeps a hand on your back, guiding you towards the employees of the Seat of Divine Foresight, and thanks everyone for treating you and being so welcoming as you follow the general’s lead, being guided to his estate and led inside where Mimi greets you.

Yuan brings you water, and you rest on the floor, using the pet lion as a pillow while you sober up. Your best friend sets himself up next to you, also resting himself on Mimi lazily, and he gazes at you with a softness that makes you feel warm inside. You reach out with both hands and pet Jing Yuan’s hair with a cackle.

The man catches your wrists in one hand, chuckling, and you feel your chest tighten as you stare into his golden eyes and see his boyish grin.

Oh.

Oh no.

His free hand reaches down to ruffle your hair, and you take the opportunity to lower your head and hide your expression. Your face and ears feel hot, feeling mortified by how touchy you’ve been with him— has it just been you being friendly, or were you subconsciously gravitating towards him because you’re attracted to him? And you feel guilty. Because Jing Yuan has always been a good friend to you— your best friend. But maybe you haven’t been thinking of him as a friend— you’ve overstepped. You’ve hugely overstepped.

You ask for more water, your throat feeling even dryer, and Jing Yuan stands to go grab some for you. When he returns and you take the glass, the man gazes at you a bit worriedly and asks if you feel okay.

You don’t.

This realization has made you feel sick, and your head and your heart are starting to hurt because you have drunk way too much and you feel like you have taken advantage of your friendship with your best friend to be so close to him. And he’s sweet, he’s so sweet, rubbing your back as you place your head between your legs and try to sort out your thoughts and blame your nausea on all the alcohol and not your internal crisis.

He doesn’t want you heading home while you aren’t feeling well, even though you insist on it. So you end up sleeping in his guest room with Mimi.

You don’t get much sleep.

~*~

Jing Yuan can tell that you’re avoiding him.

After that night, you seem to only visit Mimi at the Seat of Divine Foresight when he has responsibilities elsewhere. If he sends you a text you respond much like normal, but attempts to call you go straight to voicemail. When he asks you to visit him, or if he can visit you, you’re always too busy, which might have been true… but you still seemed to have time to visit Mimi. Then, the last time he chanced to see you in the markets, you mysteriously disappeared, when before you would cheerfully greet him and chat for a bit.

The Arbiter General feels a tad neglected.

Not wanting this to go on any longer, he decides to drop by your estate unannounced. If you really are just busy, then he will apologize for his rudeness… but Jing Yuan feels that there is something wrong because this feels different.

At your estate, he sees you sitting in the garden under the maple tree with numerous envelopes surrounding you. As soon as you see him, your eyes widen and you stand. “General! What are you doing here?”

General.

Before, his title was only used to tease him. You are not currently teasing him. Still, he stays level headed and places a smile on his lips. “Am I not allowed to visit a friend?”

“I mean, you are… but I’m very busy, see?” You hold up one of the many envelopes surrounding you as Jing Yuan approaches. The General picks up one of the open documents, and you try to snatch it from his hands, horrified. “Don’t— those are personal!”

The General clenches his jaw as he reads over the letter. “These are courtship requests,” he states, voice flat.

You look down at your hands, feeling embarrassment coming off you in waves. “Yeah. I’m looking into them. They’ve been piling up since I returned— apparently I’ve caught the eye of many artisan families.”

The General crosses his arms. Jing Yuan feels… resentful. He isn’t surprised that you have received courtship requests— you’re hardworking, kind, and attractive. However, you have never shown an interest in dating before, happy with his friendship and building positive relationships with the staff at the Seat of Divine Foresight. And your business relationships were all going well from his understanding. Yet, suddenly you’ve taken an interest in more?

A possessive, primal part of him wants to tear up all the requests and make you only see him. After all, no one could care for, cherish, love you more than he has these past few centuries. But the other part of him is just hurt. “And these potential suitors… matter more than spending time with me?”

“No!” You shake your head frantically, reaching for his wrist, then faltering before you actually touch him.

This won’t do. Jing Yuan thinks, frowning. You had never held yourself back from touching him before. But now, you’re lowering your shaky hands down to your side, refusing to meet his gaze and staring down at the ground. “Dearest, what’s wrong?” He asks, concern lacing his words as he reaches out to hold your hand.

You step back, barely dodging him, holding your hands to your chest, and when your eyes lock onto his he can see it— fear. You’re scared and Jing Yuan has no idea why. The white-haired man’s golden eyes widen, and he feels his throat tighten uncomfortably.

“I’m sorry,” you blurt, hiding your face in your hands. You seem so small like this. Jing Yuan hasn’t seen you this scared since… since Yingxing was mara struck. “Please don’t touch me, Jing Yuan. I can’t— I don’t think I can handle it right now, it's too much.”

“___…”

“I’m so, so sorry,” you tremble, now wiping your eyes as tears form. “Please don’t be mad. It’s all my fault, I’m sorry. I’m just looking into them to try and fix things, then I can be around you again.”

Jing Yuan steps forward, grabbing your wrists and forcing you to stop hiding from him. You weakly try to tug yourself free as you cry, and Jing Yuan lowers the two of you to the ground, kneeling in front of you. “Tell me what’s wrong, ___. Please. I can’t stand to see you like this.”

“I’ve been a terrible friend,” you sniffle, staring into Jing Yuan’s eyes. You look pained, and he wipes away your tears with his thumbs. “I’ve been hugely overstepping and taking advantage of our friendship, and it’s unfair to you, and I’m so, so sorry.”

Jing Yuan releases your wrists and pulls you into his chest, hugging you close. “You have never taken advantage of our friendship,” he assures, but you shake your head as you melt into his hold, clinging to him like a lifeline.

“Even now,” you cry. “I can’t stop thinking— My heart shouldn’t feel like it’s about to burst because you’re here. I’m so happy that you’re here, and I feel so guilty, because I still want more. It’s selfish. I should be happy with just this, I shouldn’t want to be closer to you— when did I start wanting to be closer?!”

His hold tightens on you, and his heart beats faster. You’ve realized it. You’ve finally realized it. Jing Yuan can’t help it, even as you’re crying and rambling into his chest, he grins. And, Aeons, he’s going to take his time with you. Everything has hit you all at once, but he’s been patient for centuries.

It’s time for him to be selfish.

“Trust me, ___,” he chuckles into your ear, pulling back and smiling down at you with half-lidded eyes barely concealing his joy. “You aren’t being selfish at all.”

#honkai jing yuan #jing yuan x reader #jing yuan #honkai star rail #blade is yingxing #hsr spoilers #hsr writing #self ship #self indulgent fanfic

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1-800-zombify · 7 months

Text

I’ve got my eye on you

Mullet!Padawan!Obi-Wan x Enby!Padawan!Reader

Warnings: Reader being a lil thirsty, Obi-Wan has a mullet 😩, reader’s 🤏 this close to ditching the Jedi Code

Summary: Y/N hasn’t seen Obi-Wan in a while, but when they finally catch a glimpse of him — they almost go feral.

SOMETHING HAD CHANGED IN Y/N, some could say something was unlocked. On the surface, the Jedi may assume Y/N’s discipline and loyalties were being tested, truly. To Y/N’s observant and keen master, it was hormones.

When the master-padawan duo walked the temple’s perimeter and ran into Obi-Wan, the conclusion was insanely evident. At the end of the hallway, he was just a beige blob with Jedi robes that fanned out with powerful strides.

“Who is that?” Y/N asked, faintly gesturing towards the approaching figure.

Their master tilted her head, squinting at the tall apprentice. She chuckled, “Obi-Wan Kenobi, Master Jinn’s padawan. Have you not met?”

Y/N’s brows shot up. Their fellow peer was meters away, but close enough for Y/N to make out the softness in Obi-Wan’s eyes, the metallic lightsaber handle attached to his belt, and his hair.

“Obi-Wan?” They whispered with mild surprise. As the said padawan passed by the pair, Y/N immediately craned their neck, following Obi-Wan’s unfamiliar silhouette.

The master laughed wholeheartedly, affirming their inquisitiveness, “Yes, that is in fact Obi-Wan.”

Y/N was shameless. They stopped dead in the hallway, turning to watch Obi-Wan practically strut until he disappeared down a corridor. The sounds of his heavy boots were long gone, but the ghost of him was still fresh in Y/N’s memory.

There was something so different about him, it was alluring and exciting. Last time Y/N took a good look at Obi-Wan, he was a significantly shorter teen with a scrappy buzz cut. Years ago, he was the annoying, reckless, immature boy that was shunned from being taken in by another Jedi Master.

But this Obi-Wan was refined. He easily towered over Y/N and their master. There was confidence, borderline arrogance, that Y/N could pick out in his relaxed posture. His hair had grown out into a shaggy mullet, his jaw squaring and freckled with moles.

Y/N was amazed. His existence only lived in idle gossip amongst other apprentices, but Y/N had never paid much mind to those. Seeing the change made Y/N believe that maybe… straying from the Jedi Code wasn’t too bad…

“Obi-Wan,” they repeated in an astonished mumble, earning a knowing but exasperated sigh from their master.

"Do not be enamored by his good looks, young one, for that is not the Jedi Way."

"Yeah, I know but..." Y/N bit their cheek, tilting their head as they tried to envision Obi-Wan strolling down the corridor again. "Damn," they uttered to themself.

"Y/N, Y/N, Y/N," their master tutted. She shook her head with mock disappointment, the decorative beads in her hair clinking from the subtle motion. "I taught you better than this," she sighed.

They blinked hard, turning to the Jedi Knight with a huff, "You did not."

Her thin dark brows arched. "Just as I were to suggest talking to Master Jinn..." she mused.

"He has nothing to do with this."

"Well, I was gonna ask him and his apprentice to join us on our next mission, but seeing how you —,”

"I am grateful," Y/N began suddenly. They took a dramatic inhale and continued, "I am grateful that the Council assigned me to you when I was a youngling. I thank Maker everyday for sending you to me."

She stared blankly at them, "Okay, Y/N."

"I would break the Jedi Code for you, Master,” Y/N whispered, pressing a tender hand over their heart and clutching the fabric of their robes. “Just say the word."

In one motion, she pushed past Y/N and slowly increased her stride, forcing her apprentice to follow in tandem. “Haha,” she mumbled. “I’ll see what I can do —,” she cleared her throat loudly, jabbing Y/N’s side harshly. “But no funny business, do you understand? You can admire him from afar, but do not fly too close to the sun."

"Of course, Master,” Y/N nodded, subconsciously rubbing the side of their stomach tartly. They shared a one-sided toothy grin. "Don't wanna melt from his hotness,” they added jokingly.

"May Maker have mercy on you.”

time skip

In his camel-colored uniform, Obi-Wan brushed past his peers congregating around the cafeteria entrance. He froze in thought and in step, scanning the lunch room that bubbled with chatter.

Y/N wanted to be subtle with their fixation. With their rowdy group of friends surrounding them, the location to which Y/N’s eyes fell was easily drowned out.

And then Obi-Wan looked directly at Y/N, and they had glanced away so quickly. Their neck almost snapped.

Kriff. Kriiiifff.

Y/N ducked their head slightly and slouched to an atrocious degree. They awkwardly scooted closer to Prie, who comfortingly patted their back unbeknownst to why they acted so sheepishly.

“Are you gonna eat that?” Ropal pointed his fork at the dried fish on Y/N’s tray, daring to just snatch it from them.

Y/N shook their head, inching the plate towards him. Ropal hummed a meek thanks, stabbing the silver prongs into the meat.

“Hey!” Jape pushed Ropal’s greedy hand away, as he seemed to scoop up half of Y/N’s lunch. “The fish — only the fish, Ropal,” he snapped. “Why’re you always stealing their food?”

“I’m not? Y/N said I could have it.”

“You’re taking all of the rice.”

Y/N was mentally groaning and kicking their feet in anger. Could they just shut up for a second? Y/N was trying to watch a certain apprentice across the lunch room. Jape and Ropal, Ropal especially, had the tendency to jump on the bandwagon regardless of what it was. If Y/N seemed to be spying on someone, then they’d start spying on that person, and it would all go downhill.

Y/N squinted. Obi-Wan was weaving through the crowded maze of tables, muttering apologies as he bumped into chairs and shoulders. Who did he usually sit with? Who was he looking for?

“Y/N?” Prie nudged them. “What’s gotten into you…?” Prie tilted her head, trying to follow Y/N’s precise gaze. She scoffed, “Oh, don’t tell me…”

“Shut up,” Y/N snapped, pushing the side of her face the other direction.

Prie pretended to smile, “You’re kidding.”

“It’s nothing,” Y/N groaned, turning to properly look at their friend. Prie mockingly nodded in agreement, tapping her calloused fingertips against the tabletop. “It’s nothing,” Y/N repeated affirmatively.

“It would be really bad if it wasn’t,” Prie commented. She propped her arm up, leaning her chin into her palm. “And I don’t really believe you,” Prie said in a singsong tone.

Y/N frowned, “Why not?”

“Hey, Y/N.”

Y/N whipped their head around, eyes blooming into large saucers, as their heart began to palpitate. They were face to face with Obi-Wan, a new reinvented Obi-Wan. He was gorgeous.

“Hello there,” Y/N squeaked.

Obi-Wan smiled, sliding into the seat across from them. He crossed his arms, leaning onto the table. “I was looking for you,” he stated.

“You were?” Y/N choked, sitting up straighter. They picked up a utensil, prodding at their food, trying to occupy their awkward hands.

“Of course,” Obi-Wan said, earning a skeptical look from the other members of the group. Prie coughed, waving Jape and Ropal’s attention away from the end of the table. “I overheard our masters talking about an upcoming joint-mission — to Vena, I believe. I just, uh, wanted to let you know.”

“Ah, well, thanks.” Maker, give me strength. Oh my god. Y/N pursed their lips, the best solution to containing the childish urge to giggle.

“Do you want to research together? I think it’d be very beneficial —,”

“Yes!”

Obi-Wan’s bushy brows raised a few centimeters. He chuckled at their enthusiasm, nodding. “Right. I’ll see you after training then,” Obi-Wan says.

“Yeah,” Y/N mumbles, watching him stand and walk away.

#star wars #obi wan kenobi #x y/n #padawan #padawan!obiwan #enby!reader #obi wan x reader #padawan!reader #obi wan fanfiction #star wars oneshot #obi wan my beloved #mullet!obiwan #star wars x reader #i deserve mullet obiwan #fanfic #qui gon and obi wan #obi wan star wars #obiwan kenobi #obiwan x y/n

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