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theluxuriansecret · 22 days

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Diary Entry 04082024

11:40 pm

Dear Diary,

It may seem weird but I am in a stagnant state again, I have begun to find myself in one place and not sure which direction I want to head into. It is weird place to be because I am happy and also very content with my life, but I also didn't plan on ACTUALLY achieving all the things I have achieved and getting the things I want so quickly. Now I feel like I have to plan to cooperate with plans I wanted but di not think I would have.

It is truly insane, my relationship is going so well. We saw each other this past weekend and for the most part it went well. I took him to my grandma's hoarder house and we stayed there and in a weird way I feel like I showed him a piece of myself I was not ready to let him see. I let him see my real life, my real world, my real reality with no thoughts other than me wanting to spend time with him. It's so weird how a perfectionist can jump into something like that. BUT TRUST, all those perfectionist-isms caught right the fuck up to me and I started freaking out. But he didn't judge me in anyway, at least not to my face, I didn't ask what he thought either, so I guess a win is a win? He also met my parents, and they like him, but I knew they would.

Okay so to be honest, and I have to be honest, this is my Diary..duhhh umm, how do I say that our sex is kinda not what i expected at all. LOL. I thought this man would be like all over me, but maybe it's because he doesn't actively objectify me? I don't know. I fel tlike after not seeing each other for as long as it's been it would be really good, but he came quickly, which I guess also comes with not having sex for a while. I just have gone from a really sexual person, to having sex once a month, which I guess I was doing before, but I actually have a genuine connection to this person and I feel true, genuine love towards him. He felt really insecure about it as any man would, but I didn't even get to finish, which I think sucked the fucking most tbh. I don't know, I don't expect him to be a p*rn s*ar but I guess there is just a certain type of sex that I am used to? I think it's best to just talk about it with him but I never really know how to bring sex up without coming off as a horny bastard. I don't want to come off as objectifying him either, even though I do, just not towards him. It's not like I don't see him as a person though, I'm just incredibly lustful. and maybe thats my issue.

Regardless, I need to get sex out of my mind even though it is something I think about fucking constantly, I don't know if it's a real issue yet, I just know that it's everyday, a lot of the time it is what I am thinking about. I may ask my ex therapist about it, because I feel like it is damaging my fucking braincells.

I also need to figure out what the fuck I am going to do with my life besides work. I work 5 days a week now, which has absolutley been an adjustment, but I also need to get back to my hobbies to take up the time and maybe my brain and my goals will become clearer to me. I want to save!!! I want to start saving so I can move out of this house because I so desperately wish to be on my own. I want to lose those 10 pounds, I'm back up to 159 lbs which is like fine, I look fine but I still desire to be lower, I think 150 is the goal now? 155 I lowkey looked ill, BUT if I tone up more, than I should be okay. I want to start cooking for real this time, I want to do it on Monday when I wfh because I'll have the time and then I can have lunch for Tuesday or Wednesday but eating the same thing in a row is kinda crazy so we'll see. Lastly, I really want to scrapbook, it has been such a heavy thing on my mind and it WILL be started this year. A new hobby outside of my phone, maybe I can make videos just for fun to work on some other type of skill that a million people already seem to have.

This year has really been my year, I finally graduate next month and I am BEYOND ready to put undergrad truly, truly behind me and never think about it ever tf again.

That's all I got for now, goodnightt!!!

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blorbosinmyheadcentral · 5 months

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This came to me in a vision

#tadc #the amazing digital circus #tadc pomni #tadc caine #caine #pomni #showtime #caine x pomni #pomni x caine #tadc showtime #showtime ship #tadc fanart #tadc comic #Animation takes forever; have this thing in the meantime #Sometimes. I need them to be soft. It heals the soul #Supervised Machine Learning #sort of #long post #my art

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urloveangel · 5 months

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my favourite anti-aging methods are inner peace, forgiveness and minding my business

#forever baby face #anti-aging #peace #forgiveness #divine love #self love #self healing #mindfulness

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writeouswriter · 1 year

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My followers: And is this “writing” you’ve been “working on” in the room with us right now?

#writing #writeblr #writer things #writing humour #textpost #writing humor #relatable #funny #I genuinely am writing for the first time in a long while #but it’s uh it’s for an angst fanfic for a fandom one wouldn’t expect fic for necessarily #and I’m embarrassed but I’m not because it’s good but you’re never seeing it it’s between me and my ao3 when I finally do finish it #it’s at 6000 words but fr that’s the most I’ve written on a single thing in a long time and it’s still going!#last time I wrote/finished anything in forever was also for this fandom back in November <3 nature is healing #it’s slow going but I’m hoping to finish it before June 😭

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raebonnz · 2 months

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pre 109 chippington doodle while i figure out a concrete design cuz hes missing uhhh….. coughs…. a certain feature

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westwing19 · 16 days

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Here's an idea; Kirby sneaking to Meta Knight's bedroom at night because he doesn't want to sleep alone

Ahhh that's adorable 💖

The cure for insomnia is a comforting presence 🌙

Imagined this taking place the first night after MK first finds Kirby ^^

#ask #kirby #meta knight #adopted AU #oops it turned into a comic again #hope I did this idea justice #drawing cuddling orbs will be forever healing ✨#finally done all the asks from like three months ago OTL #meart

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lotuslate · 3 months

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“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Wangji”

#lan wangji #lan zhan #hanguang jun #mdzs fanart #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #jessbye #egg #i finally finished my lwj bday art!!!#hgj take my hand lets heal our inner child together #this took forever cause ive fr been so busy lately #but ultimately im super happy w it!#happy belated bday lwj <3

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ahalvedheart · 7 months

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percabeth 🔛🔝

#not to be dramatic or anything but percabeth in this book healed me #they’re so 🥹😭🥰#best couple forever #percabeth #pjo #cotg #cotg spoilers #chalice of the gods spoilers #mine #percy jackson #annabeth chase

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grimfantas · 3 months

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you don't need morals, you need someone like you who can understand

#kingdom hearts #namine #vanitas #vaninami #?#there is no context for this drawing. its simply just an image #Veeeeeery loosely based off some concepts for an RP server (friend group) (same friend group as the sonic roleplays a year ago LOOOL)#... me and my boyfriend both roleplay some characters including these two #a reformed vanitas is so important to me but the scars are never going to heal as long as he's himself #I don't think he needs people to forgive him and justify what he did under xehanort's abuse #I think hee just needs people to love him anyways even with what he's done #i think vanitas and namine are more similar than they come on. Just on opposite ends of the spectrum.#the forever damaged and angry abuse victim and the digestible helpless victim #i kind of want to draw more and elaborate my thoughts but honeestlyyy. another time LOL

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mattodore · 3 months

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delphi, bitten pack member, mate

#river dipping #delphi sol #lykos #ts4 #ts4 edit #ts4 cas #simblr #no good morning just immediately firing shots LOOK 🫵 AT HER 🫵#GOD............................... WEREWOLF WOMAN WHO WILL TEAR INTO ME WITH HER CLAWS AND REVEL IN THE WARMTH OF BLOOD I WANT YOUUU #SHE'S SO SEXY LIKE. SAID THIS OVER ON PF ALREADY BUT I NEED TO BE FOUR FINGERS DEEP INSIDE HER ALREADY #FACE FIRST IN HER BREASTS LIKE. DYKERY IN MY MIND THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVEEEEE RN #FEMMES............. I AM YOURS ALWAYS AND FOREVER <3 #...me thinking delphi is the sexiest woman alive aside... look at her pointy wolf ears sticking out!!#and yeah... her and ria both have scars on their throats. they gave them to each other :)<3 #they're werewolf soulmates..... of course it's that intense and serious they had to wound each other #delphi's is from when ria turned her but ria's is from delphi wanting to mark ria back... normally it'd heal but :)#ria is a born wolf and delphi is their little werewolf mate... which means they don't heal like a wolf would at delphi's hands #delphi's not a born wolf tho so </3 not the same for her. but turning scars always stay with the body along with any other wounds #that were already there at the time of turning...#<- this is real lykos story lore so. don't look too closely at ria's scars from that last post. they don't actually make sense #i just thought wow... those are sexy. and put them on her kjdgfkhfn #none of the lykos ocs' scars are canon until i make them myself #but dionte's eye scar and delria's throat scars are canon!! i'll make custom ones one day but for now! i'm just rocking with what i've got

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ipostmysimpingstuffanonymously · 10 months

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Some of my headcanons of what could happen after the battle

Which Gege will definitely not do let's be honest, there is gonna be a time skip, no character interaction and depression but oh well

Love the Gojo and Yuji one, will post that one separately hahah :D

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fairydrowning · 1 year

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The process of healing is not easy. Healing from the things you don't deserve, healing from the things no one ever apologized for is such a difficult thing to do. For months you take care of your health and then on one fine day it gets worse again. You think you are fine now but you are not. It takes long or maybe your whole life to heal from different traumas, relationships or things. You have to detach from other things or people just to heal yourself. It's the fight with one's own self.