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ramblingoak · 1 year

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The Cardinal’s Bride, Chapter 5: Copia

~ A Romantic Adventure in the Old West: After being forced into a marriage with Mr. Saltarian by your father you are sent west to his estate in Nevada. Along the way you end up meeting one of the cowboys you have always fantasized about... ~

Previous Chapters: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 ~~ Pinterest Board ~~ Spotify Playlist

Thank you to @tasty-ribz for the wanted poster! Lots of other amazing people have done fanart of Cowboy Copia so please go check it out: @meowsaidmissy (1 / 2), @snail-shell2335 here, @vahvco here, @ghulehgwen here, @rabidghoul here, @nocterish here, @enjoy-my-swearing here, @blacktie-whitenoise (1 /2) and from valkyrieinpink on twitter. Also a huge thank you to @kissingghouls for aggressively holding my hand and letting me scream at her about cowboys.

~ Cardinal Copia x Female Reader: alternative universe, slow burn romance, gun violence, blood, NSFW, 18+ only MDNI, 8,200 words for this one ~

Aether hated being left behind.

He hated this situation especially because of who was with Copia and his friends. The second he saw Mary he knew something stupid was going to happen. Stupid shit followed Mary around like a shadow. The fact that Copia was just going along with what everyone knew was a trap pissed him off to no end. Then there was the fact that Copia left him at camp to fucking babysit.

Babysitting Sunshine was like trying to pet a feral cat.

“Sunshine, what are you doing?”

She had been digging through the saddlebags they were using the stolen stagecoach horses to carry. All he got for an answer was a grunt so he grabbed a small rock and threw it at her. That earned him a hiss, but otherwise she remained quiet and continued making a mess.

“Hey, we might have to make a quick retreat here. What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

Aether groaned and threw another rock.

“It looks like you’re making a mess.”

“Your cooking shit is still everywhere so maybe take your own advice.”

“Yes, well I’m picking up my cooking shit, you’re dumping clothes everywhere.” He reached down for another rock but this one she caught and launched back at him, barely missing his head. “Damn it, Sunshine, I’m ju–.”

“Don’t worry Dad, I'll pick it up. I’m looking for some clothes.”

“We don’t have time for you to play dress up.”

“They’re not for me.”

Aether glanced over to the tree line where Copia’s ‘Principessa’ was waiting. She looked nervous, she’d been looking nervous all morning ever since her and Copia came back with Mary. He hadn’t been able to tell if it was all because of Mary or if something had happened between her and Copia. Judging by the looks they had been exchanging he was pretty sure it was a bit of both. He sighed and looked back at Sunshine.

“Well we definitely don’t have time for her to play dress up.”

“Stop worrying, it won’t take long. We’ve got to get her out of that dress.”

Aether raised an eyebrow and looked back over at the Princess. Her dress had definitely seen better days, but so had everyone else’s clothes.

“Another week in that thing isn’t gonna kill her.”

“Yeah well, the smell might kill me so she’s changing. Plus this will make it easier for her to walk and ride.”

“We all smell, Sunshine. Get over it.”

Unsurprisingly, she ignored him and started holding some shirts up to look them over. Aether wasn’t trying to be an asshole towards the girl, but he also didn’t want her getting too comfortable. In one more week they’d be back at The Ministry and they could hopefully arrange for the switch for the ransom money. The end of this was so close and he didn’t want to deal with having to chase her around again.

“You’re just making it easier for her to run away.” Sunshine just laughed at him and shook her head. Aether watched as she finally set aside a shirt and a pair of pants before shoving everything back into the bags.

“I’m sorry, have you seen the way Copia and her have been looking at each other? She isn’t going to run away again.” Aether walked closer as she shook the clothes out. He wasn’t sure whose pants she had grabbed but that looked like one of Swiss’s shirts.

“Of course I’ve seen it and I’ve tried to talk to Copia about it but he won’t listen.” He crossed his arms when Sunshine just rolled her eyes at him. “What?”

“Good luck getting Copia to back off, I knew he was doomed as soon as I saw her picture in the paper.” She turned to head the Princess’s way, but Aether reached out and grabbed her arm, backing off with his hands up when she turned to growl at him.

“Look, I don’t know what you’re up to, but you need to just leave it alone. Leave them alone and don’t encourage anything.” Goddammit he was getting really tired of her rolling her eyes at him.

“That’s the problem with you guys, none of you have a romantic bone in your body.” She took a step towards him and jabbed her finger into his chest, he saw the shirt drop out of her hands and sighed. That was definitely Swiss’s. “All I’m doing is giving her a little hand with things, ok? Besides, if we get ambushed here or wherever it’ll be easier if she’s not tripping over that goddamn dress.”

“Fine. Fine, but that’s it Sunshine. Get her dressed and then let her be.”

“Of course, Dad.” Satan’s dick, Sunshine drove him crazy. “It’s just a change of clothes, man. Maybe a few self defense lessons.” Sunshine grunted as she leaned down to grab the shirt and started to shake it out.

Aether groaned and shook his head, but decided not to say anything. He didn’t know why he’d even wasted his time talking to her. Sunshine could be as stubborn as Copia some days. He eyed the shirt in her hands before speaking again.

“You know what seeing her in Swiss’s shirt is going to do to him, don’t you?” Sunshine just cackled and turned to start walking towards the Princess. Aether kneeled down to pick up the bags and started for the horses when he glanced back over at the girls. Something in Sunshine’s hand glinted in the sun and he watched as she handed it over to the girl. Unholy hell.

“Sunshine, stop giving her knives!”

The only response he got was Sunshine’s middle finger as they disappeared into the trees so the Princess could change. Groaning, he started for the horses again to get them ready. It was possible Copia and the others would be gone most of the day, but he wanted to be prepared in case they showed up sooner. Who knew how many of Saltarian’s men were waiting in that town. He was confident in everyone’s abilities, whether it was with a gun or something hand to hand, but still. A trap was a trap and Mary was an asshole.

Despite being worried of their need to possibly leave quickly he took his time. The stagecoach horses weren’t really cut out for anything more than lugging stuff around, but he brushed them out and took care of them just the same as their other ones. They’d be able to sell them for a decent sum whenever they made it back to town. He took a moment to look them over before deciding on one for the Princess to ride. Although he had a sinking suspicion Copia would find an excuse to have her ride with him again.

He had known what would happen as soon as he’d seen her picture in the paper too.

Aether paused when he heard the hoofbeats. A steady pounding coming from behind him, across the field. Lucifer, please. He took a deep breath and turned, hoping to see Copia and the others. Unfortunately the rider in the lead was dressed in all black so there was no mistake it was Mary. There were two other riders flanking him and as they got closer Aether’s heart sank when he didn’t recognize them.

He closed his eyes briefly, saying a quick prayer for his friends before glancing over to where the girls had disappeared into the trees. At least they hadn’t come out yet, it would give him some backup with Sunshine and he knew she’d tell the Princess to stay there where it would be relatively safe. He adjusted his gun belt and started walking through camp, passed the dying fire and stopping right at the edge.

By now he knew Sunshine had to have heard the horses and hopefully she was watching and ready. She hadn’t taken her rifle with her so she’d have to get close to help him. He would need to create enough of a distraction to give her that chance without being spotted. Copia left him here for a reason, he knew Aether would fight like hell to keep everyone with him safe. His friend had trusted him with his Princess for a reason and he wasn’t going to let Mary take her without a fight.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

You couldn’t remember the last time you’d worn pants.

When Sunshine had suggested a change of clothes you were ecstatic. Your poor dress looked nothing like it did when you had stepped into the stagecoach at the start of your journey. After days of horse riding and sleeping in the dirt it was more brown than blue and white. Falling into the creek the other day certainly hadn’t helped either.

What was worse was the smell, although it didn’t seem like it bothered any of your companions. It shouldn’t anyway, they smelled far worse after days on the road. You figured it was just one of the things people got used to if they spent lots of time out of the city. Everyone kept mentioning heading to a casino and while you weren’t exactly sure what to expect, Sunshine had promised you there were baths.

You’d never wanted to take a bath so badly in your life.

Anytime someone brought up the casino, The Ministry as it was called, you would get nervous. It wasn’t really the thought of the casino itself, but what it meant for you. The Cardinal had said a few times now that once they reached it they would be waiting there to hear from Saltarian. At that point you assumed they’d arrange the exchange of you for the ransom money and that would be it.

What happened after that you had tried not to think about too much. You didn’t want to think about being near Saltarian at all. In just a few days he’d gone from being some unknown business associate of your father’s to a cold-blooded murderer. You had no idea what he was like beyond that. How would he treat you? Would he be angry you had been kidnapped? Would you end up locked away in a room until the wedding?

The wedding itself was just one more thing you didn’t want to think about. While The Cardinal had mentioned the general plan a few times you really had no idea what it actually entailed. Were you going to be stuck in between flying bullets from both sides? Or what if The Cardinal and his Ghouls burned the church down? That would certainly be poetic justice considering what Saltarian had done to them, but what about you?

As the fear started to make your chest clench you tried to take a few deep breaths and calm down. The Cardinal had promised to protect you. You knew deep down you shouldn’t trust him, trust the outlaw that had kidnapped you, but again your thoughts drifted back to how things had changed between you. There was something there now, something that made your heart speed up for a different reason.

You shook your head, you shouldn’t be thinking about something like that. He was probably just trying to keep you happy and prevent you from running away again. Mary had mentioned another woman and there were probably more besides that. Why would he choose some silly city girl like you? You groaned and smoothed your hands down the pants before reaching down to pick up the shirt, turning your head when you heard Sunshine come through the trees.

“How’s it going, kid?” You smiled softly at her nickname for you, no one here seemed to want to use your actual name. Even ‘Principessa’ had grown on you a bit, although you’d never tell The Cardinal that. “Oh hey, those fit great.”

“The shirt’s a little big.” You held out your arms to show her how far the ends hung off your hands, but she just tsked and walked close to start rolling them up.

“Eh it’ll work just fine, you look great!” Sunshine finished with the other sleeve and then took a step back and grinned. “You fit right in now!”

“I’m not sure everyone would agree with you there.” You snorted and fiddled with the shirt for a moment.

“The only opinions that matter are mine and Co–, eh The Cardinal’s and I can guarantee you he’ll approve.” She winked and you looked down to hide your blush. Well, you weren’t going to lie and say you didn’t want his approval. But it was a silly thing to want considering the circumstances.

“I just…I’m sorry. I don’t even know what to think, my mind is all over the place.” You sniffed and turned a bit, trying to hide the tears welling up in your eyes. Oh now you were really being a silly city girl. You felt Sunshine’s hand on your arm and looked back at her despite your tears.

“Listen, I’ve known The Cardinal a long time, ok? I haven’t seen him ac–,” Sunshine abruptly froze and turned her head back towards camp. You started to ask what was wrong but she squeezed your arm so you kept quiet. You stayed frozen as she turned and crept towards the tree line. It was then that you could hear whatever must’ve stopped her speech, heavy horse hooves getting closer to camp.

She waved her hand towards you, motioning you to get down so you dropped to your knees, resting them on your dress for a moment before slowly moving towards her. As you got closer you were able to see Aether standing at the edge of camp. You held your breath as you turned to see what he was looking at, hoping it was The Cardinal and the rest of the Ghouls. Instead all you saw was Mary and two men you didn’t recognize. They had pulled up right in front of Aether and you could see them talking to each other, but you didn’t understand what they were saying.

“Sunshine, wh–,” But she shushed you, her eyes not leaving the men as they spoke. Their voices were becoming louder and your heart started hammering in your chest. Where was the Cardinal? Aether reached a hand out to point behind Mary, but the man just shook their head. Everyone's voices got louder as the conversation became more heated and Sunshine tensed up even more next to you.

“Fucking Mary, I knew that asshole was gonna try something.” She shook her head and started to say something else when the other two men moved around Aether to surround him. Mary nudged their horse closer to him right when one of the men drew their gun and cocked it. Aether turned at the sound, drawing their own gun but Mary abruptly kicked out and caught him in the face.

“Shit!”

Your hands flew to your face as Aether dropped to the ground, Mary leaping off their horse right after. When Mary got close Aether slammed his foot into their knee, bringing them down as well. One of the men jumped off their horse but Aether held out his gun and you gasped into your hands when the shot rang out. The man’s body dropped swiftly but before Aether could focus on the other man Mary was up and on the Ghoul, slamming a fist into Aether’s face.

Sunshine cursed under her breath and then turned and grabbed you by your shoulders.

“Stay here. If Mary or the other two head this way you run, ok?” You wanted to say something, but she stood up and grinned down at you, before taking off towards camp. Mary and the other man weren’t looking your way, Mary still busy fighting with Aether. The other one had gotten off their horse and was checking on his wounded companion.

You had thought she would have just run up to them shooting, but Aether abruptly spun Mary and was able to overtake them. The horses startled and started moving away from the chaos in between them. When the man looked up from what you assumed at this point was his dead companion their eyes immediately latched on Sunshine. The Ghoulette was quicker than him, getting a shot off before he could aim at her.

He jerked to the side and he went down right on top of the body of his companion. You couldn’t decide what to watch at this point. Sunshine seemed calm as she advanced on the man she had shot, but at the same time Aether and Mary were cursing and growling at each other. You couldn’t even tell who was winning as they rolled around in the dirt.

Where was The Cardinal? He wasn’t…he couldn’t be dead. There was no way he and the other Ghouls were dead. You took a shuddering breath and tried to fight the tears. Crying wouldn’t do you any good right now, or at all. Sunshine said you needed to run if anyone headed your way so you needed to pay attention. You lowered your head for a moment to try and collect yourself, but when another shot rang out you yelped and looked back towards the fighting.

Mary had seemed to get the better of Aether and they had their gun pointed at Sunshine. You couldn’t tell if their bullet had hit her or not, but she was down. Mary slowly got off of Aether, giving him one last punch in the gut before limping towards the Ghoulette. Your eyes stayed on Aether though, silently begging him to get up but he remained motionless where he was.

You looked back towards the other end of the field, still hoping you’d see The Cardinal ride out of the woods on Brizio but there was no one. Aether was down, possibly dead and Sunshine might be next. You pushed yourself onto your feet, your hands shaking as they rested against a tree trunk. Mary was standing over Sunshine now with their back to you pulling their gloves off and shoving them into their coat. When you looked back you narrowed your eyes, watching as Mary leaned back over Sunshine with a gun in their hand.

You couldn’t let anymore of The Cardinal’s people die.

Sunshine had told you to run away, but where were you supposed to go? Your chances were probably better with Mary than on your own with no supplies in the middle of nowhere. You started looking at the ground around you, hoping to find a branch or anything you could use against Mary. The knives Sunshine had given you were still in your dress and you didn’t have time to dig around for them.

Mary’s laughter rang out from camp, apparently Sunshine was awake you could see Mary kick her hand away from his leg. They were mocking her! You growled and grabbed a branch that was about as long as your arm and stalked out of the woods. Mary’s back was still to you, Aether hadn’t moved and neither had Saltarian’s men. When you looked back at Mary and Sunshine, Mary had cocked their gun and was pointing it down at your friend. An angry scream built up in your chest and you ran at them swinging the branch.

The noise startled Mary and they whipped around to face you, but it was too late. You had swung the branch back and slammed it down as hard as you could, knocking it against Mary’s shoulder. They cried out and stumbled out of the way, landing on their knees nearby. You immediately knelt down to check on Sunshine but her eyes were closed, a large bruise forming on her cheek. Before you could try to wake her Mary’s hands were on your shoulders and they were yanking you up to your feet.

“Man, he really did a number on you, huh?” You tried twisting away from them, but their grip on your shirt was too strong. “Quit fucking struggling, Sweet Cheeks. Your fun little vacation is over. Time to go back to reality.”

“Fuck you!” You kicked out behind you, but you missed connecting with anything. They grunted and wrapped an arm around your waist and then slid the other over your mouth.

“Man no wonder he liked you, the spunky ones always get hi–fucking shit!” You clamped your teeth down on Mary’s fingers as hard as you could, tasting blood. They cursed again and shoved you down onto the ground next to the smoldering fire, your hands landing on Aether’s cooking pots he hadn’t put away yet.

You spit Mary’s blood onto the ground and took a few deep breaths. All you wanted to do was cry, your mind becoming overwhelmed with the idea of The Cardinal being dead. Mary finally quieted down and you heard his footfalls come up behind you, the spurs on his boots jingling softly.

“I don’t know what kind of fairytale The Cardinal was weaving into your head, but the reality is you meant nothing to him.”

You turned to glare at him, staying on the ground, ashamed of the tears gathering in your eyes.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Mary snorted and shook their head.

“No, Sweet Cheeks, I do know what I’m talking about. But it doesn’t matter now anyway. He’s dead and so are his annoying sidekicks.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Well I don’t give a fuck what you believe, all I need you to do is get up and get ready to go.”

“Don’t touch me!” You kicked out when Mary tried to grab you, connecting with their ankle. Mary stumbled back growling, glaring down at you.

“What’s it gonna take for you to accept it, huh? Do you want me to drag his body back here for you to cry over like some war widow?”

“He’ll come back for me!” The tears were flowing freely now and your heart was clenching in your chest. You couldn’t believe it, you didn’t want to believe it. Mary crouched down in front of you and you tried to take a calming breath.

“Alright, fine. I’ll play along, what if he did come back? What did you think was gonna happen?”

“I don’t…we were going to hide out until Saltarian paid the ransom.”

“Then what? He’d come swooping in like some hero and rescue you from your horrible new husband?” Your eyes dropped to the ground and Mary snorted before continuing, “Sweet Cheeks, did it ever occur to you he was blowing smoke up your ass to get you to cooperate? Hell, to get under your dress too.”

You clenched your hands into fists, your nails digging into your skin at the implication of his last words. The Cardinal had done nothing to pressure you into…into that. He’d certainly been attentive to you, touching and holding you more than you think you’d ever been since you were a child. You found yourself shaking your head again, he hadn’t done anything you didn’t like. If anything his touches had left you wanting more.

“He told me his plan and he said he’d protect me. That he’d keep me safe.”

“Oh, he’ll keep you safe alright, as long as it’s useful for him to keep you around.” Mary brought his bloody hand to your chin and lifted your face up so your eyes met. They smiled, but it was cruel and mocking and all you wanted to do was wipe it off their face. “Sweet Cheeks, I’ve known The Cardinal for a long time, nothing will get between him and his revenge. Not even some pretty young virgin like you.”

You jerked your chin out of his hand, narrowing your eyes as they laughed at you.

“He promised that he’d protect me.”

“Copia’s made promises to girls much prettier than you, so good luck holding him to anything.” Copia? Was that…was that his name? Mary must have picked up on your confusion because they started laughing again. “You see! You didn’t even know his name! Not much of a love story is it?”

You felt the fight leaving you as Mary’s words started to sink in. Maybe they were right, maybe this was all an act by The Cardinal. By Copia. An act to help keep you in line and make it easier to drag you to the casino. Mary was still chuckling, but you tried to block the sound out.

“This is all an act, Sweet Cheeks. If you get between him and Saltarian he’s going to take the shot and he’ll walk over your body to get his revenge.”

No. It wasn’t an act. Mary was right, you were inexperienced, but you weren’t an idiot. Copia had listened to you when you told him you weren’t there by choice, his behavior after that had changed. He had opened up to you that night by the fire, he had trusted you enough to share his past. You closed your eyes and imagined his arms around you while you rode around on Brizio.

You saw his face leaning closer when he was about to kiss you.

“Fucking wake up!” Mary’s raised voice startled you back to the present and you reached up to wipe the tears off your cheeks. “You don’t mean anything to him except the means to an end. And if your end is part of it, trust me, he won’t lose any sleep over your death.”

“Fuck you and fuck Mr. Saltarian.” You reached your hand behind you and grasped the handle of one of the cooking pans. You weren’t going to listen to any more of this.

“Sorry, Sweet Cheeks, you’re not my ty–” The sound of the pan hitting Mary’s head echoed around the campsite and you held it in the air for a moment, watching as blood started trickling down Mary’s forehead. Their eyes rolled back and they slumped over, laying there completely still while you stayed frozen with the pan in the air.

After a moment you dropped it to the ground and exhaled slowly. You looked around the campsite at the carnage, a bunch of bodies still laying around and not moving. The horses had started to mill around, munching on the grass. You pushed yourself off the ground and stood up, your hands were starting to shake and for a moment you felt like crying again. A sound behind you stopped you though and your breath caught as you slowly turned around to see what it was.

The Cardinal, Cardinal Copia, was riding out of the trees and racing towards you.

Before you even registered yourself moving you were running away from the camp towards him. As he got closer you got a better look at him, his dirty leather jacket was missing along with his hat. You could see one side of his face was matted with blood and you almost cried out at the sight. You heard him shout for you and you stumbled in your desperation to get to him.

“Principessa!”

Copia pulled up on the reins but didn’t even wait for Brizio to stop, leaping over the side and running the rest of the way towards you. He caught you as you practically threw yourself at him. You knew you’d probably be embarrassed at your display later, but right now you didn’t care. You didn’t care about anything except the feel of his arms around you. You buried your face in his shirt, a deep red button up that was marked with sweat and some blood.

“Hey, hey,” His hands cupped your face, pulling it away from his chest while you attempted to hide your tears. When your eyes met he smiled and you felt like crying even more seeing the wound on his face. “I’m ok, I’m here. We’re all ok.”

Your hand came up to grip his shirt but he caught it in one of his own, squeezing it gently and holding it over his heart. Like he knew you needed the extra reassurance despite him standing in front of you. His other hand stayed on your cheek, the thumb stroking across your skin back and forth. It helped calm you and you took a shaky breath before trying to speak.

“Mary’s here. They came back with two men and attacked Aether and Sunshine. I, I don’t kno–” Your voice cracked and he shushed you, holding your head against his chest for a moment. You felt his own head rest against the top of yours briefly and you swore you felt the ghost of his lips on your hair before he pulled away.

“Stay behind me.” He kept your hand in his as he walked towards camp, his other hand pulling his gun out of its holster.

“Mary said you were dead. That you were all dead.” It almost felt like a dream now, you found yourself squeezing his hand and you couldn’t help but smile when he squeezed back.

“We’re all a bit banged up, but the only ones that are dead are Saltarian’s men.” He let go of your hand when he reached the first body and nudged the man over onto his back before he knelt down next to him. You watched as he checked their pulse, then took the man’s hat and covered his face.

The next body had the same result and you breathed a sigh of relief. Copia went over to Mary next, giving them a much harder kick to roll them over. While he knelt down to check Mary you went over to Sunshine and knelt down next to her, taking her wrist to check her pulse. When you felt it beat steadily against your fingers you reached up to brush some of her hair back.

The bruise on her cheek had gotten bigger, but the worst thing you saw was the blood staining the sleeve of her coat. You jumped when you felt Copia’s hand on your shoulder and he helped you pull her jacket off, eliciting a few groans from her as the sleeve slid down her arm. Copia checked the wound for a moment and then pulled off the bandana she wore around her neck, tying it around her arm.

“It’s just a graze, Principessa. She’ll be fine.” Sunshine groaned and you watched as her eyes blinked open, squinting into the sun.

“Fuck you, Boss.” Copia chuckled and touched her shoulder gently. The Ghoulette turned towards you and gave you a quick grin before groaning and bringing a hand up to rub her cheek. “Is Mary still alive? If so, can I kill them?”

“Mary’s alive. For now.” You watched as Copia got up and started to move over to Aether before pausing. He looked back to Sunshine for a moment and then back at you with an eyebrow raised. “Who hit Mary?”

You bit your lip and glanced down to where the cooking pan was still laying in the dirt. Copia reached down and picked it up, turning it over to look at the huge dent Mary’s head had left. He looked back to you and started laughing, shaking his head as he tossed the pan back on the ground.

“Well done, Principessa.”

When you glanced over at Mary you saw that Copia had tied their hands behind their back. Blood had covered their face, but you couldn’t bring yourself to feel bad. You’d hit them again if you had to. You breathed a sigh of relief knowing that Aether and Sunshine were ok. Copia was helping Aether stand up and they grasped each other’s elbows briefly before they came over to you and Sunshine.

“We need to pack up and head back to the town.” Copia reached down and you slid your hand into his, letting him pull you up. Your eyes drifted to his wound again and you winced. He tilted his head to catch your eyes and smiled at you. “I’ll be ok, it looks worse than it is.”

You nodded, biting your lip to fight the tears that wanted to come once more. His face softened and he pulled you away towards where Brizio had wandered to, the horse always staying close to his master.

“I’m sorry, I was just scared. I thought you might not be coming back.” Copia cupped your cheeks again and you blinked your tears away so you could see his face clearly.

“Didn’t I promise to protect you?” You bit your lip and nodded, forcing all the nasty words Mary said out of your mind. Words that weren’t true. “I may be an outlaw, Principessa, but I keep my promises.”

“I believe you, Copia.” Your body froze when his name slipped out and you were waiting for him to be upset that you knew it now, but he just smiled. His hands dropped from your cheeks and took your own, bringing one up to his lips so he could kiss the back of it like he had done before.

“I figured Mary would let it slip. I guess you know all my secrets now.” You couldn’t help but smirk, pleased that he wasn’t upset about it. Happy that you knew his real name now and that you could use it. You looked down at his hands for a moment before he spoke again. “Well, maybe not all my secrets.”

When you glanced up at his face he winked at you and you rolled your eyes.

“Okie dokie, let’s get going.”

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Cleaning up camp didn’t take very long. While Aether and Copia dragged the bodies into the woods you and Sunshine got things packed up. Mary had woken up eventually, but Copia shoved a rag into their mouth to keep them quiet. You couldn’t help but glare at them every time you walked by, but Mary just glared right back.

Asshole.

They threw Mary over their own horse and tied them down, you could hear them swearing through their gag but other than that you didn’t bother giving them any attention. Sunshine wandered up to you with her hands behind her back and a smile on her face. When she pulled them out she had the knives you had left with your dress in the woods.

“You did pretty good with a frying pan, but I’d still keep these handy, kid.” You laughed and took them back, but you were unsure where to stash them now. Sunshine started to say something, but Copia came up and interrupted her.

“Allow me.” Sunshine snorted and held her hands up while she wandered off towards Aether. When you looked back at Copia he had an odd look on his face so you raised your eyebrow at him. “We’ll need to teach you how to use these soon.”

“A knife doesn’t seem difficult to use, just stick them with the sharp end, right?” Copia laughed, ducking his head while he shuffled them in his hands. He stepped close and took the smallest one, slipping it into the pocket of your pants. You held your breath at his proximity, biting down on your lip when he used a finger to pull the waistband out so he could clip one of them to the belt Sunshine had given you.

“I think we’ll need to let you practice with a gun too.”

“Oh Copia, I don’t kno–”

“No, today proves that despite my promise you still need to be able to defend yourself.” He knelt down and lifted your pant leg up, tucking the final knife into your boot. You could feel its leather case rest against your ankle, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. If anything it was a comfort to have it, to have all of them close by just in case.

Copia stood up and looked you up and down for a moment. He cocked his head while he looked at the shirt you had on and you reached up to adjust it a bit self-consciously. Your lace chemise you had worn under the dress showed sometimes and you had already seen Copia notice it once or twice. He wouldn’t stop staring so you huffed and crossed your arms.

“What?”

“Principessa, whose shirt is that?”

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Once you got to the town there was a nice reunion with everyone. Even Mountain had come up and lifted you in a huge bear hug. As you walked through the town your mood sobered a bit though, it was obvious quite the battle had taken place. You could see that in the tired faces of the Ghouls as well although it was clear they had taken the time to clean up a bit and bandage what needed to be bandaged.

Now with night having fallen you were all gathered around another campfire, this time near the outskirts of the town. Mary had been tied to an overturned wagon a ways away. The blood still caked on their face and the rag still shoved into their mouth. You almost asked if someone should clean them up or give them some water but you decided, for the moment at least, you didn’t care.

What you did care about was making sure Copia, Aether and Sunshine got cleaned up. Dewdrop had been surprisingly helpful, finding a few somewhat clean sheets in one of the houses and then going off to get some water. He didn’t say anything to you, but it felt like his attitude towards you had changed a bit. You’d have to apologize at some point for biting him.

Rain had taken up the task of cleaning up Aether’s face while Dew worked on Sunshine. He seemed like the only one willing to put up with her hissing and cursing while the bullet graze on her arm got sewn up. You had attempted to watch, but it was a little too much for you so you turned and set your attention on your own patient.

Copia had found his hat and had it back on his head, so you tipped it up a bit to get at the gash above his eyebrow. It wasn’t as deep as you thought it would be so you were relieved when he said it wouldn’t need stitches. That was probably a good thing because he was surprisingly twitchy whenever you brought the wet rag to wipe around the wound. When he kept wincing you shushed him, earning you a very impressive glare.

“I thought cowboys were supposed to be tough.” He snorted and reached up for his hat, taking it off and setting it on the ground next to him.

“Cleaning them up is usually worse than getting them.” You smiled as he made another face when you pressed the rag against the cut again, gently dabbing at the blood.

“I’m almost afraid to ask what’s the worst you’ve ever been injured.”

He tilted his head up and squinted his eyes, like he was thinking back on what you were sure were the countless injuries he’d received over the years. When he reached up for your hand you gave him a wary look as he brought it to rest on top of his left thigh, right in the middle. You glanced back up at his face when he spoke.

“Took a knife here a few years ago.” You made an ‘oh’ sound and looked back down at where his bare hand was settled over yours. There were a few scars on the back of it and it made you think of how many scars he probably had covering his body. Unfortunately that thought made your cheeks flame and you hoped the firelight dancing across your skin hid it from him.

You tried to tug your hand away from his so you could get back to cleaning his cut, but he wouldn’t let go. Instead he lifted it up so he could study it in the light and then narrowed his eyes at something near your thumb. There was a very small burn mark there, barely noticeable to you but his keen eyes had honed in on it immediately.

“Oh, I was trying to make myself some tea.” Your eyes narrowed as a bark of laughter left him and you jerked your hand away. “I was a child! I’m sorry I don’t have any wounds from knife fights to brag about.”

“It was barely a fight, Principessa.” He was still laughing, like it was a fond memory rather than a painful one. You looked back up to him with an eyebrow raised and he pointed towards town to where Mary was tied up.

“Wait, Mary stabbed you?” Copia nodded his head and smiled when you shook yours in disbelief.

“Eh, I’ve done worse to them over the years.” You snorted and wrung the rag out again, glancing back up at his face to make sure the cut wasn’t starting to bleed again. Another blush started to grow on your cheeks when you saw his eyes on you. “Still wasn’t the worst wound I’ve gotten.”

You frowned when he took your hand again and watched warily as he pulled it up to his chest. His hand settled yours right over his heart and you held your breath when you felt it beat strongly against your palm. Copia didn’t say anything for a moment and you looked back up at his face expectantly.

“A lovely girl in Denver.” He was biting his lip and you raised your eyebrow as you waited for the rest of the story. “She broke my heart.”

His laughter covered your groan and when you yanked your hand away he grabbed at it again bringing it up to his lips to place a quick kiss on the back. Your cheeks were going to be permanently red at this point, it seemed like his only goal anymore was to make you blush.

“You did good, Principessa. I’m impressed.” It was impossible to hide your pleased smile so you just let it grow on your face. You startled a bit when a shadow fell over you and let out a little sound when something plopped onto your head. The Cardinal had placed his hat on you, although it was too big and fell nearly to your eyes, obscuring your vision. Before you could move it one of his hands came up and tilted it back and you were met with a smile so dazzling you had to look away. “We’ll make a cowboy out of you yet.”

“I’m not sure I’ll ever be cut out to be a cowboy.” You bit your lip as you adjusted the hat a bit more. When you risked a glance at him his eyes held yours briefly before he winked and you had to look away again. The moment was quickly ruined when he knocked his hat down to cover your eyes and you growled but as you reached up to fix it you felt his breath on your ear and you froze.

“We’ll see about that.”

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

In the morning they relocated Mary inside one of the buildings so they weren’t baking under the sun. You stayed back and helped pack up again, not wanting to hear any more poisonous words from Mary. Everyone seemed to be in better spirits this morning and it made you happy. Even Dewdrop was in a good mood, but you think that had something to do with whatever he and Swiss had found in one of the buildings. You had been about to ask them what it was but Copia and Aether had wandered out of the building they put Mary in so you waited in the street as they walked up.

“Are they going to be ok if you leave them here?” Copia raised an eyebrow at your question and you rolled your eyes. “I just don’t like the sound of them, or anyone, starving to death.”

“Mary will be fine. There’s a town nearby, some more of Saltarian’s men are waiting there.” You froze at that news, but Copia gave you a reassuring smile and rested a hand on your shoulder. “It’s a few days' ride away, Principessa. We’re safe. Mary will even be safe. When Mary doesn’t show up with you they’ll send some men out here to see what happened.”

“Do you think Saltarian will hurt Mary? For not bringing me back. For not killing you.”

“Mary is an idiot, but they’re still useful. Saltarian won’t waste the energy killing them.” Copia had remained at your side, his hand sliding down your arm to rest on your elbow. “We should get going, Rain said there was a storm brewing in the mountains.”

He squeezed your elbow and gave you a gentle tug so you’d follow him. You looked out to the mountain ridge and bit your lip. You didn’t see any signs of storm clouds gathering, but you trusted Rain to know what they were doing. Oh, you hated storms! Missouri would get such awful ones in the spring and summer and you were always a nervous wreck during them.

“What will we do?” Copia stopped next to the horse you would be riding and peered down at you, seemingly a little confused over your question. “In the storm, how will we avoid it?”

“We usually don’t, Principessa.” His face softened as he looked at you, seemingly picking up on your nervousness. “But we can’t stay around here. It’s not safe, not with Saltarian’s men so close.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just, well you’ll poke fun, but I’m scared of storms.” You felt your cheeks heat a little bit at your admission and you glanced quickly at his face, expecting to see that smirk of his. All you saw though was compassion, his features still soft as his eyes traced your face.

“How many times will I need to remind you that I’ll protect you, eh?” His voice was stern but you could see the teasing glint in his eye. You smiled and nodded, the rest of your insecurities from Mary’s words fading away. He put a hand at the small of your back and nudged you closer to the horse, “Time to go.”

Copia helped you up much like he had done before, kneeling down and letting you put your foot in his hands to help lift you up onto the horse. It was much easier to do so now in the pants and while you still missed your dress, you were happy to feel more at home on a horse. Copia busied himself with adjusting some straps on the saddle before bringing his hands to your foot.

"Do you want to know the best thing about being rid of that stronzino, Principessa?" You raised an eyebrow and looked down at him expectantly, watching as he finished tucking your foot into the stirrup.

“What’s that?” Copia’s hand moved to your ankle, holding it in a loose grip. His eyes remained focused there, flexing his fingers around it a few times. The warmth from his hand was starting to seep into your skin through your pants and you couldn’t help but think about how good it felt. You were focused on his hand so much his voice startled you when he spoke again.

"With Mary gone there won't be anyone to interrupt us."

“Interrupt us? From wha–” Your voice cut off when his hand started moving from your ankle. It slid slowly up your leg, your cheeks starting to heat as it continued higher, only stopping when it reached your knee. He brought his other hand up to rest at your waist and you sucked in a breath, feeling caged in by him. It wasn’t anywhere close to an unpleasant feeling, but you still nudged your knee against his hand, trying to get him to answer. “Copia, what do you mean?”

He remained silent, but his eyes began to travel from where his hand rested on your knee, trailing up your thigh and higher. You could feel goosebumps sprouting over your skin as you watched his mismatched gaze take you in. Copia bit his lip momentarily when they rested at where his hand was on your waist before they continued further. It wasn’t until he was looking at your lips that they stopped again and the memory of when he had looked at them like that before popped into your head. Of when he had almost kissed you.

Oh.

You watched as a smile broke out onto his face, his eyes finally meeting yours. He took a few seconds to watch your reaction, your mouth had fallen open a little but no sounds were coming out. His smile just got wider as he watched the realization dawn on your face, both of his hands squeezing the flesh underneath them.

“We’ll have to find some time for that, eh?” With that Copia winked and gave you a final squeeze before he turned to make his way over to his Ghouls.

Oh.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

read chapter 6

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#my fics #my writing #the cardinal's bride #cowboy copia #cardinal copia x female reader #copia x female reader #the band ghost fanfiction #cardinal copia fanfiction #copia fanfiction

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khaire-traveler · 2 months

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hi stag!!

apologies in advance if you've made a post about this before (i did try going through your pinned before sending this) but how do you remove offerings? like, once i offer a material object to a deity, what... happens..... is there a formal way to recall it? how long does it have to sit on an altar before it can be removed? do i need to perform any kind of ritual??

sorry, that's a lot. i love your blog so i respect your opinion and wanted to hear your thoughts/experiences <3

– 🌞

Hey there, Nonny, thank you for the ask, and no worries! I believe I've answered this in another ask, but it's likely lost within the endless maze of my many posts. Also, thank you for checking my pinned post; I appreciate that. <3

Since I'm unsure what context this is in, I'll provide a list of different scenarios where you'd be removing something from an altar. Hopefully, one of these scenarios applies to you!

If you're removing a perishable offering (food, drink, or likewise), you have the option to consume, burn, dispose of, or bury it. I usually consume these offerings, but I let my deities know I'm doing that before consuming it. I usually consume offerings given to Ouranic or Earth-bound deities, but I don't consume offerings given to Chthonic deities as it doesn't feel right to me. I usually bury or dispose of Chthonic offerings. My logic in burying them (only if environmentally safe) is returning the offering to the earth in a sense. Similarly to how the ancient believed burning offerings allowed the smoke to travel to Olympus, I believe the burying offerings allowed it to return to the Chthonic deities they're being offered to. I don't personally burn Ouranic offerings, by the way, but you're more than welcome to do so if you have a safe place to burn them (if safe to do so). Burning Ouranic offerings was commonplace in Ancient Greece, specifically with meat such as beef or lamb. If you plan on disposing of an offering, I'd let the deity know that you're not doing so out of disrespect. When I say this, I find that deities are understanding with my reasoning. Also, don't leave perishable offerings on your altar for too long! For your own safety, make sure these offerings aren't rotting or molding on the altar; dispose of them in whatever manner you deem fitting as soon as signs of rot begin to show (although I recommend getting rid of them much sooner). Mold is toxic to most humans, and it's best not to risk that.

If you're removing an object from your altar that you no longer wish to be an offering, I recommend discussing this with the deity first. Inform them of your intentions and reasons (if comfortable sharing reasoning), let them know it's not meant out of disrespect, give them an offering such as water or a tasty treat as a show of goodwill, and allow them some time with the object before removing it (no more than a day, I'd say, because you don't want them to think you're no longer removing it). In my experience, allowing the deity some extra time with the object provides them the time they need to remove their energy and connection from it. There may still be some residual energy left over at first, but that energy should fade over time as the object is kept away from the altar. I've had to take objects off of altars before, and the most important thing is communication throughout the process - letting them know your intentions and emphasizing it's not out of disrespect. I recommend trying to replace the object with something else later on, but in my experience, you don't have to do this; I try to do this when I can, but I'm not always able to, and deities have been understanding of that. I don't believe any sort of ritual is required to do this, but if you'd like to do one, you certainly can.

If you're removing an object from your altar that you STILL wish to be an offering, my advice is still to discuss this with the deity. Let them know that, although the object is no longer on their altar, they're still welcome to associate their energy with it and view it as an offering. I don't feel a food or drink offering is needed for this, since you're not necessarily taking something away - you're just moving it - but you're welcome to give an offering if you feel called to. Again, the most important thing in this is communication; always be sure that you're effectively communicating your intentions to the deity.

There is no formal way of recalling or removing an offering from an altar. I would base what you do on what you feel is right and respectful, first and foremost. Deities tend to be pretty understanding, and even if they are upset by the removal of the object, they'll likely move on from that over time. An important thing to remember if they're upset is that you can be mad at someone and still love them. It's ok if they aren't entirely pleased by the news; it's not likely to ruin your entire relationship with them. I say that as long as you are respectful and communicative, it'll likely go well.

I hope this helps and provides you with the information you were looking for! Feel free to reach out again if needed. Take care, and have a good day/night. <3

#anon asks #answered asks #deity worship #deity work #helpol

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youuuimeanmee · 4 months

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RWTGI 36 - 37.2 Thoughts

Forgive the 3 chapters at once, lol. If you want to read my thoughts on the latest chapter, it's on down below!

Chapter 36

If you tell me 2 years ago that Yoshino would sleep in the corridor to wait for Kirishima, I would laugh in your face. I never thought this day would come when she's genuinely worried for him.

(Then again, he almost died trying to save her and they have been close lately, so that's fair)

WOW okay queen, slayy. Ugh those pillows look so soft-

That aside, I was shocked. I get that she was too tired to change, but really Asuka? Really? Blatant fanservice outta nowhere? Is she trying to grab the male demographic too? Not that it didn't grab the females already with that kind of bod-

WHY do we get Yoshino's full bod, yet we only get a glimpse of Shouma's abs? I demand equality.

Oh Yoshino. What are you, a dog? How could you differentiate Kiri's smell amongst all else??

Wow Kiri really uses his room as a front. He really didn't lie when he said he can't sleep near anyone's presence. He's like an animal hiding inside a deep cave. And to think his real bedroom is the same place where he often received his punishment.

In the raws, Yoshino actually says in a small note, "That's so typical of Kirishima (to keep things spotless)..."

I remember when Kiri always tidied up Yoshino's mess. I thought he only did it because it's for her, but to think he also keep his own place spotless... Does he have OCD? Then again, serial killers like keeping their place clean-

Question: If Kirishima is inside, how the hell did he lock his place using that kind of lock?

It's giving the vibe of a villain' secret lair.

Why is the room so cold though. I thought it's still October/November. Did he not install a heater there, or did he intentionally blast an AC to freeze some randos who try to break in?

My heart JUMPED when I saw him in the corner of the panel. That panel placement is a genius.

I was so relieved when I see him 🥺🥺 I'm glad he's not masochistic enough to keep his wounds infected. At least he got some treatment (hopefully from the hospital, but I'll take what I can get).

Wow, she really made sure she didn't see a dead body.

SCREAMING CREAMING CRYING.

Asuka really knows how to make a cliffhanger.

THANK YOU for the precious glossary, scans team! 💞😭

Chapter 37.1

Awright! Yoshino and Kirishima finally meet! This means Yoshino would call Shouma about Kirishima so he won't report this incident to Renji! Right?

Judging by his passwords, I thought I was getting better at reading him. Turns out he intentionally made it easier to guess? Wow, way to make a person feel like an idiot.

He really takes Tsubaki's advice to heart 🤣 Starting to regret the time when you burn those albums, don't you.

(Did he burn his all his photos because of sentimental reason, or because he didn't want his enemies to find his weakness?)

Okay, so he really went to the hospital. Good.

Kiri got to have some serious enemies if he only goes to a hospital he could trust.

It's been hammered down again and again that he has no one he completely trust except Yoshino. I hate this kind of set up. It's cliché, yet, it's still playing with my heart.

The way he tried to warm her nosee aughh

Those movements, and no resistance from Yoshino at all?? This is new. She must be really worried and thankful to even care about their positions.

Kirishima, you really said some crazy stuff sometimes.

What. The fuck. Do you mean. You're prepared. To be a missing person. And. To be. An unnamed corpse. Just. To keep. Yoshino. Safe.

I know I said he's unhinged, but he still managed to shock me. I'm impressed.

Istg he's really testing my heart lately. Wdym I'm gonna fall again for Miyama Kirishima. It's not gonna happen?? (It happens)

Still no phone call for Shouma. I hope it's on the next chapter.

Chapter 37.2

Woow, a lot of subtext in this episode. You really need to read between the lines to understand their convo.

Everybody trust Kirishima enough (due to his track records) to protect Yoshino so they're not worried for her safety at all; if anything, it'd be Soumei Renji who's in most trouble.

Basically, Renji from Kirigaya Group (Kansai region) has many enemies because he made a pact with Gaku from Tokusa Group (Kantou region) -- to form a peaceful(?) alliance; despite their clashing ideals. Renji also negotiated for his group to join Kantou region despite the difference in region. Both regions have been on feud for 60 years and it should be for a good reason, so there must be a lot of people within Kirigaya and Tokusa who weren't happy with this joint. (I have to revisit ch 1, 7, & 8 to understand this, sigh). Just a reminder, there was a similar attempt in the past, but it ended with a gang war.

Dang, so even Suo Azami's real identity is faked.

Azami is a drug and weapon dealer?? Fuck.

If we remember ch 26, Akame Hishibe from Tokusa and Azuma Narumi from Kirigaya are conspiring against Renji. Narumi probably aimed to be Kirigaya's number 1 after Renji died, but what about Hishibe? What's his aim? Kirishima said Azami is currently used by yakuza. Could it be, Hishibe made Azami kill Renji because he promised him he'd make a huge profit from drugs and weapons because there's gonna be a gang war once Renji is dead?

I strayed off, lol. Anyways, back to the chapter.

So, as long as Renji is unaware of Yoshino's kidnap, she and Kirishima could live together happily ever after. Now please call Shouma that Kirishima is back safely so he won't have to tell Renji, please.

Wow Kirishimaa. He is so stupidly honest, but sometimes he's such a crafty little shit. This is the same when he agreed to do paper-rock-scissors with Yoshino because he's aware he'd win. He made Yoshino think she has her own choice, when in fact it's all a set up by him. Real glad Yoshino busted his ass this time though, he can't get away with this forever.

Asuka be trying real hard with this whole show-don't-tell, huh. In short, Kirishima finally told Yoshino directly that he's been obsessed interested in her since 12 years old. He's so in love with her, to the point where her small quirk is so endearing to him. Without her, he would've been bored to death. He'd rather die without her, but he'd do his best to live if he's with her.

Sad, but Yoshino couldn't understand his devotion. She thought based on her understanding, love is something that'd wear out sooner or later. She couldn't really rely on Kirishima's feeling forever; and thus, she payed him with money as an insurance because money's value won't change while feelings might change; or at least that's her logic.

(After all the buildup, she still couldn't trust him completely. Is this bc she's traumatized with his drastic change in ch 2? 😭 Wow Kirishima, you fucked up big time)

Woow Yoshino, way to gaslight him what he feel is not love 😂 when your understanding of 'love' is probably just a crush 🤣

Does she realize if they managed to catch Suo Azami, they're essentially preventing a gang war? Probably not.

Heh. She covered her nose because it's cold. Cute.

Wdym she placed herself in that side of the bed. She won't be able to escape easily in that position. Kirishima could just lean to her side with his uninjured hand. Is she not sus Kirishima would do something to her? And why she sleep with him in the first place when she could just go back to her room? She really trust him now, huh.

The tearrss. Is that a tear of relieve, happiness? Or is that a tear of tiredness, lol.

Aww, Kiri. He used to say he can't sleep with anyone's presence including Yoshino, but look at him now 🥹

I am glad you guys made a stronger team than ever, but

CAN SOMEONE CONTACT SHOUMA SO HE WON'T TELL ON RENJI PLEASE??

Damn this turned out much longer than I expected, lmao. But that's because these chapters have been bombs. Can't wait for the next one! XD

#raise wa tanin ga ii #rwtgi #rwtgi ch 36 #rwtgi ch 37.1 #rwtgi ch 37.2 #rwtgi analysis #miyama kirishima #yoshino somei

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maddies-chronicles · 24 days

Note

(4 year shifter here hi)

I decided I'm shifting. Like I'm ready to dive back in because 4 years??? nothing should take you 4 years to do and thats utter bs and i will NOT stand that. im gonna shift!!! because 4 years of my life is not gonna be wasted fantasizing a world instead of improving my own. i could've mastered a skill in 4 years. out of pure SPITE I WILL BE SHIFTING AND ILL MAKE IT A CONSISTENT THING TO VISIT MY DRS!!!!

Only problem is. I HAVE SO MUCH ANXIETYYYYY around shifting. I mostly blame tiktok for this but i have such imposrer syndrome (i just learned that term maybe im usijg it wrong). i feel like nothing im doing is correct and my brain tells me with assurance im not gonna shift because of it.

i know if I just believed id be with my husband rn. but i dont know how and 4 years of conditioning myself to believe i wont im scared i cant undo it and my thoughts on life is *if you dont believe you can do it you won't do it*

l asked my tarot deck for advice on what to do and got:

situation: The devil, Page of swords

what to do: The Emperor

i have no clue what's this is meant to mean 😚

hm. okay so i'm not super well-versed in tarot but i'll consult my books for u

the devil (assuming upright): describes obsession and limitations. given the context, i'm going to assume these limitations are more percieved than actual physical limitations. this pretty much checks out with what you told me here. i'm getting that there is a lot of overthinking and maybe method hopping or trying to make something work that just doesn't align with what you need.

page of swords (assuming upright): tells me that you are very methodical and thorough with your attempts. this is great for most aspects of life, but in my own personal opinion, shifting is about letting go of the details and focusing on the big picture.

the emperor (assuming upright): this was most interesting to me! it appears that you crave structure, and so a method with more structure may still be what works best for you. however, it also appears as though you need to focus on practicality over smaller details. you might benefit from taking a more commonly-known rigid method and changing certain things like the breathing pattern or steps that just don't allow you to relax.

ANYWAY that aside, you can totally shift even if you have doubts!! some people shift the day after they give up (baffling to me??? like omg universe i'm totally giving up... 👀) and i think something that helps a lot of people to know is like... anyone can shift. literally anyone. also i never do the methods right and i've shifted before so like... idk hopefully that helps you feel better about doing things wrong 😭

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the---hermit · 2 years

Text

New monthly spread vs last month's

04|07|2022

Thesis diary #35

It's been a while since I've done one of these. Today I finally finished writing the first chapter of my thesis, or at least the first draft. This first chapter is all about the storiography of the subject. I divided it in two halves, the first on the storiography of the general subject of witch hunts in europe, and the second half on what it has been written on the trial I am working on in my thesis. It's meant to be an introduction to the developments of the researches done in the various decades, and hopefully it will work as a sort of base in which my own work will be placed. I have yet to send it to the professor, because I want to re-read and maybe edit it a bit more in these next couple of days, but then I'll send it to her so that after reading something of mine for the first time she can give me directions and advices. This week I am also going to the archives again to check the documents and take some pictures of them so that I'll have a bit of work to do for the rest of the summer, and so that my thesis can finally take shape. I must say I overall enjoy the work, I like the research aspect, as it is really exciting for me, and I love the writing part aswell. As I have mentioned before this work is something that makes me anxious because it's important and years of exams have lead to this, but at the same time this is the type of job I really like doing, so I'm definitely enjoying the process. I was thinking of posting a few tips/useful things I realized while writing this first chapter.

15/30 days of self care

Read first thing in the morning (currently rereading The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien)

Reorganized all my notebooks (both university related and not), as well as some stationary

Took some time to watch a tv show and relax

tranquilstudy's studying challenge // day 19

What big achievements have you accomplished today?

I finished writing the first chapter of my thesis (or at least the first draft of it).

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thana-topsy · 9 months

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Hello! I hope this isn't too much of a loaded question, but do you have any general tips for writing? I'd like to give fanfic writing a shot at some point.

Not at all! I'm always happy to talk shop about writing! As far as general tips go, there are some things that I think everyone could benefit from, so I'll try to condense my opinions and suggestions into A Numbered List. (We'll limit it to 5 suggestions for now).

Read Actively I mean this in the sense of really chewing on whatever it is you're reading. Dig into the meat of That One Paragraph and look for things you enjoy, things that tickle your brain. I'll give an example from something I read recently, which is our lovely @kookaburra1701's newest story "Aristeia" "They crested the final hillock; Mor Khazgur dominated the shallow valley below. When she had been younger, Borgakh had often imagined the longhouse was a lazy cat asleep on a bright green rug, curled up against the rocks of the Druadach Mountains. When the stronghold’s goats were pastured in the glade, they played the role of mice scurrying about under the cat’s nose." I was just ENAMORED by this passage. The whimsy, the rhythm of some the repeating consonants -- stronghold's goats, glade -- and just the imagery it drummed up, reminding me of those fanciful imaginings of my own childhood. So don't just read a lot, but read actively. Read works that inspire you, authors that impress you, and subject matter that's similar to the type of stuff you want to be writing. And think about why you like the things your like, and draw that inspiration into your own writing. Imitate your heroes until you're no longer imitating and it's just how you write.

Accept Constructive Criticism This one is always a challenge in the beginning. The Ego is a powerful little devil, and it'll try to confuse you. It'll tell you that your value is tied to the words on the page. But I'm here to tell you that YOU are NOT the words on the page. Take an objective stance on your prose and your plot. Everyone starts somewhere and (hopefully) nobody ever stops learning or improving. NOTE: Notice I said constructive criticism. This does not mean you should let people tear your work into shreds in bad faith. Listen to people who want to see you improve and also find joy in the craft of writing.

Read Your Writing Out Loud This is kind of self-explanatory. You'll get a really good feel for your own rhythm and flow VERY easily this way. And you'll catch almost any mistakes right away.

Cut All Unnecessary Words This is getting into the technical side of things, but why not? One of the first books I read on the craft of writing (whose title unfortunately escapes my mind at the moment) contained this advice, and it is STILL something I struggle with. Obviously, when you have a character with a specific voice, sometimes they get flowery in their internal speech and observations. I'll use Aiden as an example: "The fort loomed over them, massive and severe. Aiden attempted to judge the architecture and found he wasn’t quite sure what race or nation could have possibly built it. Or when it was built, for that matter. Second era, perhaps? The design seemed more Breton than Nord: austere, angular, and formal. But so close to the Velothi mountains, it could have been Imperial." I bolded words that don't actually add anything of value to the descriptions here. We lose nothing by cutting them out. But they're how Aiden thinks about the world around him. So I keep them to give shape to his internal processing. I'd say to try to write without these kinds of flavor words first, then start adding them in. Learn the rules before you break them, or break the habit before it becomes the ONLY way you write.

Write Every Day This one is tough in the beginning, but it's so crucial to becoming a better writer. WRITE. EVERY. DAY. Even if it's just 200 words, do it. Make it your little morning ritual or evening wind-down. Pick a time that's just for you and your words. Close all your tabs, put your phone on silent, and just write. Be alone with the world that you are trying to create. And soon enough, you'll find that you can't go a day without writing something. And what a joy that is.

That's my list! I hope you found these tips useful! I also recommend reading books on the craft of writing, too.

Best of luck on your journey! You have infinite possibilities before you.

#topsy's asks #writing meta #writing advice #on writing #fanfiction #fanfic meta

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copias-girl · 10 months

Note

Hey. I saw you deleted all the excitement/nonsense from the other day, wanted to check in on you. I realized that while I've been on this hellsite for 12 years and seen and experienced a great deal of my own anon drama, I forget how overwhelming & terrible it feels when it first happens to you.

I failed to notice that, in addition to being very new to this site, you're also only 18 (please note that this is not meant to sound condescending - tone is impossible to convey via text). I was a couple years older than that when I joined here, and I carried just as much excitement and energy into everything I posted and reblogged and quickly gained a reputation for myself. From what I've observed from your blog though, mine was decidedly...less fun & positive, so I got a LOT of anonymous messages telling me what they thought of me. I would spend a lot of time thinking about those anons and the terrible things they said to me, constructive or not, objective or not. It didn't matter how many support messages I got from friends or mutuals, or how much we mocked the anons or made light of the situation - I was angry, embarrassed, felt like nothing I did would fix it, and sometimes didn't want to log onto this site anymore, despite it being the only outlet I had to express myself in this way.

It is normal to focus on the small negative in spite of the overwhelming positive - healthy? No. But normal.

My point is: Please do not let this nonsense deter you from being you. Not everyone is going to like you, and that is totally fine. Not everyone is going to like how you post/reblog on your blog. Speaking solely for myself, I generally keep a more contained dashboard I can scroll through quickly at work, so I don't follow your blog, but I don't translate my personal feelings on how you blog into my personal opinion of you as an individual. Everyone blogs differently on this site, which is what keeps it interesting. I'm also not so chronically online to go out of my way to send you a 5-paragraph essay about consent or being hypersexual in a fandom for a gay Satanic band. Instead I'll send you a 8-paragraph essay trying to comfort you and to tell you not to despair, lmao.

I LOVE your enthusiasm about how you express yourself in your posts & reblogs, and it seems there's a shit ton of blogs around you that feel the same way & express themselves the exact same way. Don't lose that spark! Don't let them rain on your parade! [Insert another cliche phrase here]!

Take time if you need a break, but please understand you did nothing wrong. Everything said to you was someone's opinion they wanted to force on you to control how you behave because they themselves are terrified of the world around them and don't understand they cannot control others. Hopefully one day they'll realize how sheltered and, quite frankly, stupid they are. I did.

My advice: if you ever reopen anons and start getting those messages again, delete them and don't engage. Most of the time they're just looking for attention, to rile you up. Classic bullying tactics.

Or print out their messages and use them as firewood. Or toilet paper. Whatever works.

Lastly, you don't have to acknowledge this or publish this message if you don't want to. Genuinely, I just wanted to reach out and make sure you're okay and to attempt to longwindedly impart some advice from my own experiences over the decade.

You do you, dude. Fuck the haters.

Thank you so so much for this incredibly kind and comforting message ♥︎ I really appreciate it more than you could imagine, it even made me cry reading it. I feel like this message is a good closer for this situation, so I’m also going to use it as an opportunity to give a little PSA about how my blog will be operating from now on.

First of all, just thank you again. I’m honestly astonished because every single thing you mentioned is exactly how I feel. The hurt of it all despite getting so much support, the empty feeling of not wanting to go on tumblr anymore despite it being my only outlet. Tumblr was supposed to be my safe space, my escape, my home, and it really sucks because it honestly doesn’t feel like that anymore.

I think the thing that hurts the most is that literally no one reached out to me as a friend in the dms to tell me that I was bothering them. I’m not a mind reader, so if no one says anything then I assume I’m not bothering them. But I do pride myself on always being approachable, I’m ALWAYS open to people messaging me with their concerns.

It’s different when it’s some faceless anon who comes off as slightly passive aggressive. If someone would have just DMed me, I definitely would have put more thought into it and taken their suggestion. Since I haven’t been on tumblr long, I didn’t even know the difference between reblogging with a comment or reblogging with tags until literally just now during this whole situation.

I just feel like I’ve been serving spaghetti every night for dinner. 9 people say they absolutely LOVE it, but then I come to suddenly find out the 10th person doesn’t. But they never said anything all this time, so how was I supposed to know?

I’ve had two people block me who I thought were my friends. One who, during this situation, even said she’d always be there for me. Basically, she informed me that our mutual friend had been upset about my comments and apparently never said anything before this, so I reached out to that friend and apologized. She apparently got triggered by my apology, and they both blocked me. That hurt. A lot. And if I’m being honest I’ve been fighting so hard not to self harm during this time.

I feel like I’ve been treated like a malicious criminal over this, when in reality everyone should know damn well I’ve never done ANYTHING to deliberately make people feel bad.

And don’t worry, I definitely did not take the comment about my age to be condescending. In fact, I wish more people would have taken it into account. And the fact that I’ve only been on tumblr for 6 months, so I don’t really know much about it.

I have a life outside tumblr. I’m a student, and I’ve had to be a full-time caretaker to sick relatives who have now unfortunately passed away. I’m grieving. My father abandoned me and my mother, so I’ve had to take over doing all the things that he used to do.

I come on tumblr, I scream about everyone’s favourite satanic antipopes, I post some fics, and then I close the app and go about my life. I don’t research the history of tumblr and what’s deemed acceptable by certain groups of people. I’m a human. I’m a real teenage girl, with feelings. I’m able to be hurt, and triggered, and everything else. I know I’ve created a personality for myself on here, and I think people often forget that I’m a real girl.

I wish I could say I’m okay, but right now that spark definitely feels dampened into a sad little ember. Since this has happened, I’ve almost stopped eating entirely, and when I do eat, I immediately throw it right back up. My Mom took me out to eat and I threw up in public. This has honestly had my stomach in knots.

Today was the first day I actually didn’t feel nauseous. So hopefully time will heal this wound. I wouldn’t wish this on ANYONE, but I’m glad to see you got through it and made it out ok. I’m hoping for the same outcome for myself too.

Now for the PSA portion of this message (everyone please read):

Will I stop being unhinged? Hell no. But I will be moving any horny comments into the tags, as suggested by the people who had complaints. The absolute last thing I want to do is alienate people and make people uncomfortable. (I still have questions about reblogging with comments tho, for example, if I say something not horny should I still put that in the tags or is it ok to comment that?)

Secondly, my best friend suggested that I should just start taking my unhinged comments and making them into posts of their own, so I’ll probably do that too. I think I might tag them with some cheesy tag, probably a pun on nsfw (not sugar for work?) so that if you’d like to blacklist that tag, you can, and then your dash will be safe for scrolling at work or wherever. And you can just click ‘view post’ if you want to view it.

So, rest assured, the horny party will never stop! But since I’ll be putting my stuff in the tags, you probably won’t see it circulating as much as reblogged comments, so if you want to see me being unhinged, just come to my page and scroll through!

Also, I’ve gotten so many other supportive messages and I want to thank everyone for sending them in. I won’t be answering them, because I don’t want a lot of stuff about this situation on my blog. And this is going to be the last time I talk about this situation on my blog. But the supportive messages really do mean a lot to me, so thank you all ♥︎

I feel malaise, so I might still be absent for a little while, but I’ll try to get back in the saddle as soon as I can. I haven’t been in the best mindset to write, but I’m really going to try because posting fics and running this account genuinely make me happy.

Thank you for taking the time to read, and I hope to see you all again very soon

Love always,

Sugar <3

#wanderingchild #my lovely ghestie #ask box

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 4 months

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Hi! I have kind of a double situation going on with my sex(?) life right now and I was looking for a little bit of advice? I'm 22 and I'm a virgin, but I've felt a lot more comfortable with like acting sexually than I previously did (I had my first kiss literally a year ago and have made out with a couple of guys since then and gave my ex handjobs)and I like physically want to have sex but I feel like there's a mental block? Like I'll put myself in a situation where I feel like I'll definitely do something, like going over to some guy's house on the first date, but whenever they actually ask me to do anything I just like panic and say no? And thankfully these guys have all respected that, except for one who was pushing pretty hard, but it's just disappointing and frustrating. Part 2 of the problem is the only person I've even like kissed since the beginning of the semester is my ex-boyfriend, who screwed me over so incredibly hard when we broke up but is seemingly the only person who I feel comfortable with in that way even though all my friends hate him and I don't particularly trust him as a person. I know this is reading as more like a rant than a question but basically I just wanted to know if you had any tips for getting over that in-the-moment panic and/or if you think it might be a better idea to like keep putting myself out there and get more comfortable or just like take a boys break?

hi anon,

okay. listen.

there are all kinds of things where "do it scared" is good advice. sex is not one of them!!!

if the idea of having sex is making you panic, just take that shit off the table. there's a huuuuuuge difference between physically wanting to have sex and actually being in a place where that's something that feels safe and comfortable for you. bodies want all kinds of stupid shit regardless of whether it's actually a good idea. my body has days where it wants to stay in bed forever jacking off and eating nothing but peanut butter cups, but I'm gonna feel like hot dog shit if I do that so I don't because my brain that's capable of rational thought and making good decisions actually gets to make that call, not my body.

you don't have quit boys completely, but I would recommend setting the expectation right out of the gate that sex isn't going to be an option. one thing that my wife found effective when he was on the dread dating apps was just putting that he was asexual upfront in his bio, which meant that people he was talking to would (hopefully) not be expecting sex to happen.

the other great thing about managing expectations like that is that you can change your mind at literally any time, like if sex starts to sound Not Terrifying, and let the person (or people) in question know that you've changed your mind. but the best way to get to that point might be taking away the expectation of sex happening at all, to avoid any sense of pressure and let you reach that point in your own time.

if setting that boundary sounds like something you don't want to do, then yes! it is time to take a break from boys and focus on literally anything else!

#sex edventures 2023

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tendermiasma · 10 months

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I Hope this question won't attract unwanted crowd, I'll try to type it in a way it hopefully will prevent it, but I have a question. As a professional artist, do you have any advice on how to not feel discouraged by A /i g3 ner*a/t3d images? And what to do to protect my art from being stolen? Recently I discovered one person close to me, also an artist, started incorporating that into their works and got into selling stuff assisted by it, and I feel kind of... heartbroken, betrayed? I don't know what to do, it makes me not want to continue the relationship, because this stuff is, in my opinion, actively hurting artists, but on the other hand, I don't want to lose a friend over it. Also, I am afraid that the only way to prevent what I create from being stolen is to not share it online at all, which is also heartbreaking, because one of the biggest part of creating (at least to me) is a form of dialogue with fellow humans, sharing emotions, and interaction between the creator, the art and the audience. I just feel lost. Also, I really admire your art, your skill, and you inspire me in a very profound way, just wanted to say that. Hope you have a good day!

Hi! It's a really shitty situation and I also often feel really doom and gloom about the whole thing. But the reason I keep making art is simple: It is my greatest joy to communicate through art and with every piece I make I continue to assert over and over that my human soul and the expertise that comes with it is a thousand times more valuable than a machine, and even though a lot of people wouldn't give a shit if a person or AI made it, there are always people out there who will care. I just really, really love doing it even while capitalism and our culture of consumption is taking on new and terrible forms. If we stop making art, what's left? Just the machine and nobody to speak up otherwise. Do nothing and lose everything vs keep fighting and something else, something better by some measure happens. Action is always the cure. I'm a big believer in that because I've found it to be true.

We're at a crucial time in the entertainment and arts industries. We all have some measure of power we can use against emerging policies and trends that don't benefit/actively hurt us. The WGA is currently striking in part to make AMPTP reconsider their AI policy of essentially just updating the WGA on the technology's progess annually. Other organized labor in entertainment and visual arts can negotiate anti-AI clauses into their contracts to make it less acceptable as a practice overall. You can use Glaze on your work to confuse AI engines and they just came out with a new version that I hear is a pretty nice jump in how detectable the texture is to your eye in the images.

I'm sorry you're going through that with your friend, though. It's hard and messy and there's no set way to go about it. It all depends on what you value most and what your own moral compass is telling you what you need to do here. Personally if it were a close friend of mine, I would talk to them about it. Depending on how they respond, your decision still might be a hard one or they could make it very easy. They will absolutely tell you how much time you should invest into this. Even if their attitude is clearly signaling that they do not care about you here and that you should move on from the friendship, it's probably still going to be painful and you'll grieve it for a while. Surround yourself with friends who understand how you feel and time will do its thing.

I think you should take comfort in that if you continue with art, this won't be the hardest decision you'll ever have to make. You'll have to make harder ones and will still come out on the other side. Even if you choose not to share your art on the wider internet and keep it as a precious thing among a smaller group of friends, it still has just as much worth and as you go along you will naturally find a balance between risks and reward. Don't forget that speaking out does actually have power in itself. Remember we've been able to bully a few companies into rolling back harmful practices in the past year or so.

I hope that was somewhat helpful. We're all trying to figure this out together and there's always going to be a future for artists as long as we keep pushing back hard. Capitalism takes a mile when you give an inch so it always, always matters to be vocal, spread useful information, use anti-ai apps on your art etc. It takes more energy to stay away from something you really want to do so I'm sure you'll find a way to share your art in the capacity you're comfortable with.

#asks

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goodluckclove · 22 days

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I have a project that I started for Nanorimo. I won Nano but after it was over I lost the motivation to write the last of the first draft. I think it’s a combination of not knowing exactly how to end it, not a lot of people to share it with, and being worried that I’m gonna re-read what I have and just find it bad.

Hello, Friend! Please, sit down. Take a deep breath. I'm going to say a variation of a form of writing advice that I'm sure you've heard a lot, but I'll hopefully elaborate it to the point where it clicks. I actually started writing through NaNoWriMo, it was a really great way to build up the muscle of consistent practice. Did my first six or so novels like that. Fun!

But I have good news and bad new about your first draft. The bad news is that it probably isn't perfect. The good news is that that's a great place to be in.

For one thing, NaNo specifically is not a traditional way to write a very stable first draft. People will spend years on what you've done in 30 days. To compare them is comparing your blanket fort with someone else's McMansion and thinking "dang what if my blanket fort never has faux-Roman arches".

Some people say their first drafts are perfect. This confuses me but I accept it and believe them when they say it. I do think that these people are not talking about drafts they carved out of word-flesh in a month or less. That's an entirely different game to play. When you hear people talk about how you're supposed to have a shitty first draft it could be hard to swallow. We don't want to feel like we put in all this hard work to make something shitty. So maybe I can say it a different way:

Your first draft is the skeletal structure of the story as a whole. It is the frame to what you're trying to achieve.

And I can say from experience that not liking your first draft doesn't feel the way you might think it will if you go at it the right way. I've written twelve books and there's only maybe two that I read fragments from and genuinely cringe. And even then there's still stuff I like about it.

Maybe you went into some kind of fugue state for a month and wrote a bunch of stuff that you hate every part of. You're a big high fantasy fan and you wrote a gritty detective novel. You love Dark Academia romance and when you read your NaNo you find it is just a list of every slur you could think of and new ones that could be added to the lexicon. If this happens to you then yes, your first draft is objectively terrible and you should probably take yourself to the hospital.

More likely your thoughts will look like this:

Maybe I should cut this. It's not really needed.

Oh I forgot the protagonist has this specific trait, I should remember that and incorporate more in the rest of the book

Hah yeah I see where I was going with this.

I should add more details about this concept, considering I now know about this other concept.

Hah man that's a lot of typos. (Assuming you're like me)

These are the types of things I have thought when I looked over literally every first draft I've ever edited since the dawn of my time as a writer. You are not likely to rend your clothes in shame and burrow underground. Even if you find some weird shift that happens in NaNo novels, like the genre or tone changing midway through the document - professional writers do that too. It can be a more efficient way to explore the space you're working it.

It can be a really interesting challenge! It helps too that you took some time off - I try and take at least a week between draft edits, even though it can be painful. You'll be able to see it with fresher eyes.

My usual strategy for editing my own drafts is to read from the top with curiosity and excitement and treat it like a puzzle. Is this what I want? Can it be better? Was there something I missed? Incidentally, when I'm stuck at a point in the novel I use the same trick and it helps every time. It's how Chuck Palahinuik did Fight Club!

So yeah you already did a huge thing by finishing a NaNo. Why not take a look back, if not just to enjoy the crazy and chaotic fruits of your effort?

Also - in regards to people not reading your work. Out of 12 novels I've probably had 3 read all the way through. It can suck, but it's okay and it doesn't mean they aren't good. Validate yourself and enjoy your own writing and start putting shit online/self-publishing/querying to take a chance!

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #writing #on writing #writing community #actually writing #writing asks #writing tips #writing resources #writing inspo

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ahgasegotarmy116 · 6 months

Text

L0v3 y0u | Choi Yeonjun

Summary: He tells you the truth but is that something you can live with? Pairing: Reader x Idol Yeonjun Word Count: 1.6k~ Warnings: again like one curse word lol a/n: Just a little bite to hold you over ;) Read part 1 L0v3 Me for more context <3

🟢 Yejun is active

🟢 y/n is active

Yejun: Hi love how was your day? Hopefully a lot easier than the past few days :/

y/n: It was okay, better than yesterday but I feel like everything is getting to be a little too much for me.

Yejun: Ah now you're speaking my language. Remember what you told me when I was going through a rough time a few weeks ago?

y/n: No not really...

Yejun: You've gotta start taking your own advice silly. Talk to your boss, I know that you just got promoted but that doesn't mean that you should be left defenseless and drowning on your own. You deserve proper training so if you're not getting it then ask for help. Your colleagues are there to help you. You're all working towards the same goal right?

y/n: Yeah I guess you're right

Yejun: Of course I'm right, but only because you were right about me. I'm just giving you back your own advice. And just like you told me you can also talk to me about anything, I'm here for you always.

y/n: Thank you baby, I don't know what I would do without you.

Yejun: Baby?

y/n: Shit! I'm sorry

Yejun: No it's okay, I like it ;)

y/n: If we give each other any more nicknames people might get the wrong idea about us.

Yejun: What sort of idea?

I wait anxiously for your response seeing the three dots showing me you're typing pop up and down not realizing I had been holding my breath the whole time until I receive your response.

y/n: That we're together...

Yejun: Would that be a bad thing?

I take it as my opening to see if you feel the same way about me as I do about you. We've been talking for over six months now so I would think that it might be time that we had this conversation.

y/n: I mean...no. But wouldn't we be lying?

Yejun: We can make it the truth if you want to.

y/n: What are you trying to say?

I guess it's now or never. I get up and lock my bedroom door and sit down at my desk chair before pressing the call button.

"Yejun?" you responds quietly. Shit I forgot it was already pretty late over there.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" I spit out before I have the chance to chicken out.

"What? Are you serious?" you respond clearly still confused.

"Dead serious" I say smiling at your response. I know I caught you off guard but I'm really hoping you'll say yes.

"I know we haven't met in person and we live in different countries and time zones but, I really like you" I confess, doing my best to convince you.

"Are you sure you don't mind long distance? Like we won't be able to have a normal relationship" you say clearly concerned already.

"I don't need a normal relationship, I just need you" I'm starting to get worried that this might not be enough for you.

"Don't feel like you have to answer now. I guess I just wanted you to know how I felt about you" I say, backing down a bit to take some pressure off of you.

"No, I don't need time to think. I want to be with you, I want to be your girlfriend" you say and I can almost hear your smile through the phone.

"Really?" I ask because I'm honestly speechless right now.

"Really. Yes Yejun, I'll be your girlfriend" I am so happy to hear those words from your lips but I feel horrible that I'm still lying to you.

"Hey y/n" I ask, getting your attention even though I've had it this whole time.

"Hey Yejun" you throw back playfully waiting for me to continue.

"Can you promise me something?" I ask going at this as slowly as I can.

"Anything" you say and wait patiently for me to start.

"I know I've been really private about my job and life in general but I also haven't been honest with you about who I am..." I start hoping that you're following and you aren't upset with me yet.

"Meaning?" you reply, prodding me to continue, clearly curious as to what else I have to say.

"One of the reasons why I've hidden almost everything in my life from you is because...well because I'm actually a public figure in Korea" I say easing her into all of this.

"Are you saying you're famous?" you say making sure you're following.

"Yeah" I say cringing hating that fact but hoping she'll believe me.

"Is your name even Yejun?" you ask catching onto how much I must have lied to you.

"No...it's not" I say quietly bringing light to one of the many lies I've told you.

"Can you tell me your name?" you say seeing how much I'm willing to tell you.

"I feel like if I do that you'll be able to figure out who I am pretty easily...it's not that I don't trust you. It's just that...well can we take baby steps? One of the many reasons I asked you to be my girlfriend was because I wanted to see if you were serious about us or if we should just stay friends. If you want to back out right now I totally understand and we can just forget about this conversation and go back to normal. Or we can end things here if you feel like you don't want to talk to me anymore. I know I've lied to you, but the person I am with you is who I really am, me as a person and not me as the famous guy everyone thinks they know".

"Yeah I get that, I believe you" you respond catching me off guard completely.

"Really? I wouldn't blame you if you didn't".

"I mean I feel like I know you well enough that I can tell whether or not you're being sincere. If I'm being honest I had my suspicions" you say giggling at my behavior.

"Really? How did you know?" I respond dumbfounded.

"You're not as convincing as you think you are. There were points that I could tell you were really making things up on the fly. Plus who else is so secretive about their entire life? Like you're either married and having an affair, a criminal in need of love in his life again or a famous person feeling misunderstood. I'm just happy you ended up being the last one. Although you could still be lying to me" you laugh trying to ease my stress.

"Have you figured out who I am, or who I might be?" I question cautiously.

"If I guess correctly will you tell me?" you challenge.

"Yes I promise I'll tell you" I smile at your playful attitude. I'm glad to see things haven't changed between us yet. Well I hope that if they do change it'll be for the better.

"Are you some kind of choreographer or a model?" you start out, testing the waters.

"Both of those are true to a certain extent but neither are my 'official title' if that makes sense".

"So what you're trying to say is you're an all rounder? Like you're multi talented entertainer?" you continue.

"I think you've made this guessing game a lot easier than I had expected but yes" I laugh knowing that you're smart enough to get it right.

"So you're a kpop idol right?" you respond, convinced you're correct.

"Yeah... but I'm still me just, please don't let my status or occupation or whatever make you treat me any differently. I know it's cheesy but I'm a person just like you. I mean you already pretty much said what my whole motive was for catfishing you I guess, but I never thought that something like this could happen though. I'm very happy it did, but my intention was not to get an online girlfriend or anything of the sort. You kind of just showed up and everything changed"

You take a moments to think and as the seconds go by I start to get nervous at the thought that it might be too much for you.

"Are you still there?" I question not sure if the call had dropped or something.

"Yeah I'm still here, I guess I just need some time to think. I'm not breaking up with you or anything if thats what you're worried about. I just need a second to get my thoughts in order if that makes sense.... Are you okay with that?" you question tentatively.

"Yes of course, take all the time you need! I know this is a lot, so I understand" I say knowing that even though I want this to be a super easy yes and things will progress 'normally' it's important to deal with everything logically and take our time.

"Thanks, is it okay if I call you later? It's pretty late here and I've got work in the morning" you say, having a very good reason to finish up the call.

"For sure, I'll be here so call anytime" I say sincerely.

"Isn't your life a bit too hectic for that?" you laugh bringing a bit more light to the conversation.

"Yeah kinda but I can always make time for you. I would be a horrible boyfriend if I didn't right?" I say using the term hoping that it's still okay with you.

"I guess you're right" you say softly and I can tell that you're smiling which is a good sign.

"Well goodnight love and just let me know when you're ready to talk" I offer up, giving her an opening to leave without feeling too much pressure.

"I will, thanks. Have a good rest of your day love" you say before ending the call.

I take a deep breath in and out a few times and process everything about what just happened.

First I was nervous, then self conscious, then excited, then guilty, then scared, then relieved, then shocked, then playful, then nervous again and now I don't know. I feel my head is spinning after riding this emotional rollercoaster. I could only imagine how you could be feeling...

Check out the Part 3 L0v3 Us

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#yeonjun #yeonjun x reader #txt yeonjun #txt #fanfic #kpop #fanfiction #kpop fanfic #kpop idol #idol au

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notoneopinion · 6 months

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Self Care Tips After a Long Day

Personally, I have been having a lot of these 'long days' recently, and these tips have been saving my sanity. So I thought I'd share them with you! Christmas is coming up, a lot of us are taking on extra or longer shifts at work to be able to afford the presents we need to buy, so hopefully some of this advice will come in handy.

1. Treat yourself!

A pretty simple one, but it really is very important. I sometimes treat myself with a coffee after work, because there is nothing better than a hit of caffeine after a twelve and a half hour shift, let me tell you. If I don't feel like spending money, I'll come home and watch a movie, lay out a few packets of crisps to enjoy whilst I relax. It really is a thing of just unwinding after a particularly long day, making sure your body gets that rest it deserves.

2. Journal

This really is one of the biggest self-care tips you will get. Anyone who knows anything about taking care of your mind knows that writing out your feelings is a great way to sort out your emotions. It can also be very relaxing, which is perfect after a long day. I love making a Scene of it, too - lighting a candle, putting on some music or a nice YouTube video in the background, and just sitting down at my table in cosy pyjamas to write about my day. I personally go with the old brain-dump method, but there's a ton of different ways to journal that you can look into, whether that be fun prompts, lists, or a brain-dump, like me!

3. Sit in silence.

Genuinely, just sit in silence. Come home, get into comfy clothes, and just sit. Stare at a wall. Play with a fidget toy. Put noise-cancelling headphones on and just be present in your own space. I find myself doing this mostly due to my autism; I kind of have no choice in the matter, considering my brain tends to shut down after a long day, and all I can really do is sit in silence. But it's not a bad thing, and I recommend trying to do it for anyone who might be feeling a little overwhelmed. The silence can do wonders.

4. Have a bath/shower.

I'm a shower girlie, personally, but that's only because I don't actually have a bath.

Either way, getting washed and clean and feeling fresh is an ultimate form of self care!!!! It might take a bit of motivation to actually get yourself into the shower (trust me, I know) but once you do it, you'll feel incredible. I'm personally not a big fan of the whole Everything Shower thing - I think I'm just too lazy to get everything scrubbed, shaved and moisturised, and if you're the same, there's nothing wrong with that. Wash your hair. Put some soap on those limbs. Just feel the hot water on your skin, maybe do a bit of skin care afterwards if you're feeling up to it. But getting washed and fresh will make you feel ten times better, and might even wake you up a bit if that's what you need!

5. Meal prep.

I live by this.

Once upon a time, I didn't meal prep, and I would come home at 8:30pm after a twelve hour shift full of heavy lifting and verbal abuse (lol guess what I work as) and I would immediately just order a takeaway. In the moment, this is all good - it's a treat, I deserve it, it tastes nice. But after three days of takeaways, you start feeling a little bit shit about yourself, and you're not being too kind on your wallet, either.

I started using a brief portion of my days off to meal prep for the week - just dinners, stuff I could throw in the fridge/freezer and heat up when I got home. Let me tell you, it was self care. Not only was my health improving dramatically, but my mental health was also given a break because I was no longer feeling bad about the stuff I was putting in my body. Plus, meal prepping at the start of the week (or just whenever you get a chance, really) gives you the opportunity to actually think about what you're making, so chances are you're going to be a bit more conscious about what you're putting into your body. I also enjoy cooking a great deal, so it's not even a chore on my day off - I find it quite relaxing to throw some music on, get my cook book out and just enjoy the task.

#amwriting #girl journal #glow up #healing journey #mental health #mental health awareness #mental health support #mental wellbeing #positivity #recovery #it girl #self care #self care tips #self improvement

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waterfallofspace · 8 months

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One Is Not Better Than None

Soooo I was scrolling through my google docs and remembered this little AU that I started writing (with the help of @themiseryandcompany) a few months back when I first joined snzblr~

And well, the actual 6 part story where they meet isn't finished, and reading it back... the parts that ARE finished could use a lot of editing~ it was one of my first attempts at snzfics, but I did find this little drabble/side story from the same AU~

It's not good, definitely not up to my current standards, but I did a little editing to make it hopefully readable, aaaaand since I've been a bit slow with content, I'll throw it out there incase anyone wants it!

~For Context: In this AU B/akugo is a doctor, and S/hoto is his boyfriend/a barista~ Word Count: 1.3k of utter nonsense that I'm posting because why not~

All Characters Written As 18+ In This Story, (picture late 20's)

~~~~~~~

Katsuki’s days off are few and far between, so when he does get time to spend at home, he finds that he often has a shadow.

Shoto seems to require constant contact, as if he fears that should their bodies stop touching for even a second, Katsuki would be out the door again. It would be annoying beyond belief, if it was anyone else. But it’s not anyone else.

He smirks over the journal he’s reading as Shoto lets out a breath that borders on a whine. He’s been trying to beat that level for an hour, and it seems like he’s just had to restart once more.

“It’s not funny,” Shoto starts, catching Katsuki’s eyes as he glares up from his perch on Katsuki’s lap. A half-hearted gaze at best. “I’ve been at this forever. I just wanna beat it but this one boss has a frankly offensive level of regen. I know the strategy but I keep messing up the timing.”

With another sigh of frustration, the glare is long forgotten, instead replaced by a look that leaves Katsuki fighting the urge to kiss him until all the breath is sucked out of their lungs.

“Why don’t you just take a break and come back to it later when you’re less frustrated?” Katsuki offers, running a hand through Shoto’s mismatched hair. “Isn’t that what you always tell me when a recipe I’m trying for the first time isn’t going the way I want it to?”

“Yeah, but…”

“What, too proud to take your own advice, Icy-Hot?”

It’s a nickname that came into being the first time Katsuki stayed over. Shoto had been sick at the time, and it was one of the first nights of pure vulnerability they’d experienced.

With a fever, his body gets incredibly hot, but at the same time, he’s always swearing it’s freezing, shivering to make his point. During the night Katsuki tried to get him to take some blankets off, lest he smother himself to death, and Shoto’s reply was “I’m an icy pop”. (To this day he still blames the fever talk for that little nugget).

To which Katsuki responded with a lighthearted “Oh yeah? Then why is said ‘icy pop’ so hot he nearly burns to the touch? Icy pop, more like Icy-Hot” and it just stuck from there. He normally saves it for playful teasing, such as today, but occasionally it slips out with a touch of softness when Shoto falls asleep in his arms.

“No, this is different. I’m not frustrated, I just wahh!-” He breaks off, and Katsuki glances at him to see his eyes glossing over, mouth hanging slightly open, right on the brink for a few seconds until-

“heH-! hH’KESHHiew!”

A beat passes, Shoto’s eyes still unfocused, Katsuki biting a blessing back on his tongue.

“Snff- Bless me.” And with that, Shoto’s back to the level, leaving Katsuki to stare at him with a mystified expression.

After several minutes of silence, and Katsuki’s eyes never leaving his face, mouth still slightly ajar, Shoto finally breaks away from his level to glance up at his boyfriend. “Uhh… what’s wrong..?”

“Y-you… sneezed…”

Shoto lets out a small chuckle, letting his phone rest on the couch as he sits up to meet Katsuki’s gaze. “Yeah? And? I do that quite often, you should know that by now.”

Katsuki rolls his eyes, as Shoto continues with a smirk. “And even if I didn’t, it’s a perfectly normal bodily function. You’re a doctor, I’m worried for your patients if hearing someone sneeze shocks you this much.”

“But… you… it was…. only one?”

“I guess so, yeah.”

There’s another pause, then Katsuki begins again, his words coming out uncharacteristically timid. “It’s… it’s never just one…”

The dumbfounded nature of Katsuki’s voice is enough to make Shoto burst into laughter. The joyous sounds finally snap his boyfriend out of the trance that the single sneeze had put him in, as he lightly punches Shoto’s arm.

Shoto pulls away, still shaking with the joyous tune dancing from his chest, rocking the couch with each burst. For a minute, Katsuki feels his heart start beating through his throat, mind running wild. His full laughter is so rare… I’d do anything to hear it for the rest of my life.

Finally coming to his senses, Katsuki fires back with, “Hey, don’t laugh at me! I’ve never heard you sneeze just once before, it’s always at least two, more often in the hundreds”

This earns him a very weak punch, laughter still dancing through Shoto’s eyes. “I’m not that bad!” Sniffling lightly to test the waters, Shoto shrugs. “But yeah, just the one, I don’t feel any more. I’m sorry, I’ll make up for it next time I’m sure.”

Shoto reaches forward, touching their lips in an apology for the harm that his lack of a fit had apparently caused. Katsuki leans into the kiss, but his eyes still seem a bit far away.

~~~~~~~

The rest of the day, it felt as if Shoto was under constant surveillance. Every time he looked over at Katsuki, his boyfriend was watching him, and would quickly avert his eyes, pretending to be doing something else.

Finally enough is enough. Shoto stands from the chair he was lounging in, and walks over to Katsuki who’s currently trying, and failing, to pull his eyes away long enough to read an article on his phone.

Wordlessly, Shoto leans down and rubs his nose against the cat-infested couch. Usually his meds are enough to starve off any really desperate attacks, but living in an apartment with your allergens is enough to set anyone off.

Add to that Shoto’s already sensitive nose, and it’s a sure thing that you’ll get at least a couple small fits per day. However, right now he needs that fit immediately, and his meds seem to be working a bit too well, so it’s time for drastic measures.

Rubbing his nose at all was a sure fire way to form a tickle, but add to that rubbing it against an allergen, and the reaction was certain to be quick and merciless.

“What are you doi-” Katsuki starts, but is cut off by Shoto’s breath catching, as he holds up a finger, attempting to explain himself before the fit can start.

“You... w- were... hehh- ihh... st- staring... at m... ESH’shiew-! Ishh’yu-! kishh’oo-! tishh’iew-!”

Still trying to catch up, Katsuki can only blink, muttering to himself, “I was staring…”

“huh- ishh-tishh-kESH’iew! Tishh’oo! Heh- hH’kschh!”

“Bless you-”

“hep’kschh-kshh-nggxt’shiew! hehh… hH’ngnt! G’nxxt!uhh Hh’ ihhh… hDT-”

Shoto pauses for a second, watery eyes pointed at the ceiling, seemingly stuck in a hitchy agony, caught between the overwhelming urge to sneeze, and the denial taunting him.

With a shaky exhale, and a snff, he tries to finish the sentence he began earlier, “Staring ahahh at-”

-which the sneezes pick as the perfect time to release themselves. “ihh’keschh’oo-! hH’ISH’hieww-! Staring at me. Oh, bless me. It was starting to scare me a little."

Katsuki flushes at the accusation, admitting to himself, and only himself, that there may be a touch of truth in it. He sheepishly hands some tissues to Shoto, who takes them with a wink and a chuckle, cleaning himself up as Katsuki averts his eyes.

Once finished, he drapes himself onto the couch, lips hungrily capturing Katsuki in a deep kiss, only stopping once he needs to take a desperate breath and duck another “hh’kssh-! Ihh… heH! hahh’keTSH’iew-!” into his shoulder.

“Bless you… Ya know, you shouldn’t have done that, you’re gonna be sneezing for hours now ya dumbass.” The words may sound harsh, but there’s no fire behind them.

Shoto lets his head rest on Katsuki’s chest, looking up at him, eyes alight with mischief. “Well worth it in my book. As much as I enjoy you watching me, I was starting to worry you’d forgotten how to blink.”

This earns him another light punch, but the laughter that comes with it makes his statement even more true.

Anything is worth getting to hear that laughter. The true kind, the kind he doesn’t let other people hear. I’d do anything to hear it for the rest of my life.

Slowly he lets his eyes close, drifting off to the sound of Katsuki’s heartbeat, their breathing falling in sync, exactly how it was meant to be.

La fin.

#waterfalldrabbles #because this is not a fic as much as a...#'tosses it at you and scurries away' type of drabble #it's not very good but hey! it doesn't need to be!#just a little bit of nonsense as a light apology for taking so long to fill requests or post anything worthwhile~#i am currently in the middle of a specific collab with a beautifully talented person #and I'm INSANELY excited to share our baby <333 #buuuuut for now~ have this nonsense and please forgive me for it #(i will say tho~ reading it does make me a little happy because I can definitely see improvement now!)#(whiiiich does mean that it just looks even worse haha~)#okay okay ill stop stalling and hit post #b/akugou & s/hoto doctor AU #incase i ever finish/post the actual fic theres a tag for that now

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